Life Of Crime EQG Version A SpongeBob SquarePants Parody.

*[A shot of the exterior of Canterlot High School is shown.]*

**TV Announcer:** And now, back to Canterlot Crime Theater.

*[The scene changes to show a black and white TV. On it, there is a sleeping old man. A man with a ski mask comes in and laughs evilly. He grabs the other old man's wallet, and the sleeping old man wakes up. The man, possibly the Equestria thief, runs away with the wallet, laughing evilly.]*

**Old Man** **Victim:** Stop! Thief!

*[Two police officers show up.]*

**Cop #1:** Which way did he go?

**Old Man** **Victim:** *[pointing to the direction the thief ran]* He went that way!

**Cop #2:** Let's get 'em, boys!

*[four police officers run after the Equestria Thief, off-screen. They run back into frame with the Equestria Thief tied up. The scene cuts to the Equestria Thief wearing prison stripes.]*

**Thief:** *[As bars come down and the scene pans out to show the TV inside of Canterlot High School, at a table.]* Curses! Foiled again!

*[The scene shows Principal Celestia at a table watching a small TV. the Cutie Mark Crusaders are behind her.]*

**Principal Celestia:** What a no-good eel-in-the-heck that guy was! *[Stands on barril.]* There ain't nothing worse than a thief! Thieves need to be locked up forever! They should all be strung up by their gills and forced to breathe air!

**Apple Bloom:** But, Principal Celestia, what about all the stuff you stole?

**Principal Celestia:** What do you mean?

**Apple Bloom:** *[points to the barrel Principal Celestia is standing on]* Like that barril. *[The scene then shows a close up of the barrel.]* It says, "Property of Canterlot Country Farms".

*[Principal Celestia jumps off the barrel.]*

**Principal Celestia:** Oh, that's where I rent me pickles from.

**Apple Bloom:** Are you renting the barrel, too?

**Principal Celestia:** Well, no.

**Apple Bloom:** Then you bought it?

**Principal Celestia:** No.

**Apple Bloom:** Then, isn't that stealing?

**Principal Celestia:** Well, I, uh...

**Sweetie Belle:** *[While holding up a towel.]* What about this towel from the Sizzling Spring Sauna?

**Principal Celestia:** Um... Well..

**Scootaloo:** *[While waving a phone back and forth]* And this Canterlot phone?

**Principal Celestia:** Well, uh, it's

**Apple Bloom:** *[While holding up hedge clippers]* And Twilight's hedge clippers?

*[Principal Celestia is now starting to sweat]*

**Principal Celestia:** Oh, they're...

**Sweetie Belle:** And Applejack's lawn mower? *[Shows a lawn mower with an apple cutie mark on it]*

**Principal Celestia:** Well, she...

**Scootaloo:** *[While holding up hair curlers]* Even Rarity's hair curlers?

**Principal Celestia:** *[While grabbing the hair curlers]* That one was a gift! *[She stops sweating.]* Listen, all that stuff is, uh... borrowed.

**Apple Bloom:** Borrowed? Well, that's a relief. I thought you took it without *[While shaking her head]* permission.

**Principal Celestia:** *[While waving her hand down]* Ah, permission shmermission! You can borrow anything you want, anytime, as long as if you give it back *[puts arms to side]* before it's missed. *[While shrugging]* Everyone knows that! Right?

**CMC:** *[raise fists in air]* Okay!

**Principal Celestia:** All right then! *[While hugging them]* Hugs? *[Principal Celestia walks behind Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and ScoOtaloo.]* You put in *[While pushing the three out of the frame.]* a hard day's work, girls!

*[The scene changes to show a wide shot of the exterior of Canterlot High School. Principal Celestia pushes the girls out the door.]*

**Sweetie Belle:** What was that?

*[the CMC run out of frame.]*

**Principal Celestia:** See you later! Oh, that was a close one.

*[Later at the park]*

**Apple Bloom:** What do you want to do today?

*[The scene shows a medium tracking shot of the CMC. Apple Bloom is hunched over and is dragging her arms. Sweetie Belle is moving the top of her torso and head in the z-direction. Scootaloo has derp eyes.]*

**Sweetie Belle:** I don't know. What do you want to do today?

**Scootaloo:** I don't know. What do you want to do today?

**Apple Bloom:** I don't know. What do you want to do today?

**Sweetie Belle:** I don't know. What do you want to do today?

*[The three stop moving. Scootaloo gasps and the scene pans out to show Mr. Cake with a balloon stand. The scene shows a close-up of Scootaloo's head.]*

**Sweetie Belle:** Wow, Mr. Cake is giving free balloons!

**Scootaloo:** I know what I want to do today! *[The scene shows a close-up of the balloons. They sparkle.]* I need some money. *[Scootaloo looks in left pocket]* Uh. *[She looks in her right pocket.]* Oh. *[She lifts her shirt and looks in her belly button. The scene shows an extreme close up of her belly button. It shows that there is some lint, a paper clip, and a ticket.]* Oh... *[The scene shows a three-shot of Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.]* *[While shaking her head]* I don't have any money. *[The scene changes to a medium close-up shot of Apple Bloom. Scootaloo leans in.]* Apple Bloom, I want a balloon really, really badly! *[The scene shows a close-up of Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.]* Really, really badly!

*[The scene shows a wide shot of Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. Scootaloo backs up.]*

**Apple Bloom:** It's okay, Scootaloo. *[Points behind herself]* There's lots of money in the First National Bank of Apple Bloom. *[She turns and makes a rainbow appear]* Follow me! *[The three ride the rainbow until they land on the ground next to a cauldron that that the rainbow was leading into. Apple Bloom picks up the cauldron. The scene shows a medium shot of Apple Bloom. She tries to dump the contents of the cauldron out, but there is nothing in it. She looks in it and a close-up shows that the cauldron is empty.]* Uh-oh. I'm broke, too. *[The scene changes to show a wide shot of Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. Apple Bloom throws the cauldron behind her.]* Maybe we could borrow money from Granny Smith?

*[Apple Bloom turns around.]*

**Scootaloo:** No, wait! *[The scene shows a close-up shot of Scootaloo's face.]* Instead of borrowing the money, why don't we just borrow the balloon?!

*[The scene shows a medium close-up shot of Apple Bloom]*

**Apple Bloom:** Yeah, like Principal Celestia!

**Sweetie Belle:** Yeah, Let's borrow the balloon!

*[The scene shows a three-shot of Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.]*

**Scootaloo:** It's just borrowing, right?

**Apple Bloom:** Yeah, and borrowing is okay as long as we bring it back, right?

**Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo:** Right!

*[The scene changes to show a wide shot of Mr. Cake giving a balloon to Lily Pad a balloon. Apple Bloom takes a red balloon, while she whistles. She runs off. Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo run with the balloon, while laughing.]*

**Scootaloo:** This is so great!

*[The three stop in downtown Canterlot.]*

**Apple Bloom:** We're going to have so much fun! First we can run with the balloon!

*[The scene shows a three-shot of Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.]*

**Scootaloo:** Yeah, then we can go to the beach with the balloon!

*[The scene shows a close-up of Sweetie Belle.]*

**Sweetie Belle:** Yeah! then we can take a bike ride with the balloon. Then we can go to the movies and the arcade and the ice rink and the pizza shop!

*[The scene shows a close-up of Scootaloo.]*

**Scootaloo:** And the moon and the sky and under a car, behind the dumpster!

*[The scene returns to the three-shot of Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.]*

**Sweetie Belle:** And the candy shop!

**Scootaloo:** And then my backyard!

**Apple Bloom:** And in a plane!

**Scootaloo:** And over a rock!

**Apple Bloom:** And under a hill!

**Sweetie Belle:** And with a whale!

**CMC:** We love borrowing!

*[The balloon pops. the trio look flabbergasted and sullen.]*

**Apple Bloom:** It popped.

*[The trio take another look, quietly. The scene shows a close-up, high angle shot of the popped balloon. The scene returns to the three-shot of Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. They start screaming. The scene shows a close-up of Scootaloo.]*

**Scootaloo:** How are we going to return it now, Girls?

*[The scene shows a medium shot of Apple Bloom on the ground.]*

**Apple Bloom:** *[While picking up the balloon pieces]* I got the pieces!

*[The scene shows a medium shot of Scootaloo.]*

**Scootaloo:** *[put her hands in the "air"]* I got the air!

*[The scene shows a medium shot of Sweetie Belle.]*

**Sweetie Belle:** And i got the glue!

*[The scene shows a three-shot of the CMC.]*

**Apple Bloom:** Hurry, put the pieces on! *[Apple Bloom puts the pieces in a balloon shape in the "air". It falls to the ground.]* We popped the balloon!

**Scootaloo:** Ga-heh!

**Apple Bloom:** We can't return it!

**Scootaloo:** Wha-guh!

**Apple Bloom:** We're thieves!

**Sweetie Belle:** Hi-yo-hoo!

**Apple Bloom:** We have to confess.

*[Apple Bloom grabs Scootaloo's shirt]*

**Scootaloo:** Confess?! Are you outta your mind?! Do you have any idea what they do to
 people like us? We're not talking about some dumb mail fraud scheme or hijacking here. *[The scene shows a wide shot of the scene.]* *[As Cherry Crash, Blueberry Cake, an man holding a briefcase, and Sandalwood walk up and stop, Lyra, Bon Bon, Octavia, and Dj Pon3 look out their window, and a man's head pops up from the sewers]* **We stole a balloon!** *[The scene shows a medium shot of the CMC.]* *[As Twilight Walks by]* And they're going to lock us up forever.

**Apple Bloom:** You're right, *[The scene shows a medium shot of the CMC]* *[While She moves past the front side of Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, still covering Scootaloo's mouth]* we've just got to keep our heads. Act normal.

**Sweetie Belle:** It's gonna be alright, Everything is Okay!

*[The scene changes to a medium shot of the three. The three talk gibberish. Apple Bloom walks in a circle sticking her tongue out. Scootaloo flops on the ground. Sweetie Belle starts flopping on the ground. She slides in a curve and then gets up. She grabs her tongue and starts shimmying around. Adagio Dazzle walks by and stops. Scootaloo starts crawling. Apple Bloom jumps in the air, holding her tongue. She then twirls it around, when she is in the air. Scootaloo starts bouncing around on her butt and Sweetie Belle turns her two eyes into one.]*

**Adagio Dazzle:** Wow, street performers!

**Aria Blaze:** This is gonna be good!

**Sonata Dusk:**