Cheeseism

> "It doesn't matter to me whether you get a big mac or a whopper, it is only within you that your perceptions can reach their fullest potential."-*Socrates (maybe)* "Do you know the muffin man? Of course you don't! You don't "know" anything. Well, not yet, at least. But you will, my friend, you will. Nobody knows nothing unless they know they know nothing, and if they believe that they don't know nothing, then that's the first step to knowing nothing, unless you reckon that by knowing you know nothing that you don't know nothing. Aww, come on, Bill, I'm no good at this job, it's got me all confused! Come on, cut the recording! Cut it, I said! Hey!"-*Transcript for an episode of the* U.O. podcast *which was released for a short time under the wrong title and was shortly unreleased.*
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Cheeseism is a branch of practical philosophy developed by Understandably Onion during his time in the Himalayas amongst the Fuggler clan. It focuses on the futility of life, the universe and everything, and explores the deep possibilities possible when one disconnects oneself from the cares of society.

### Overview

Cheesism centres around three main "Cheddars" which can be described as core philosophies or pillars:

* Cheddar 1: Everything humans do is folly, and has little meaning or impact.
* Cheddar 2: We should simply abandon anything which ties us down or causes us displeasure.
* Cheddar 3: Ignore Cheddars 1-2 and subscribe to my youTube channel!

These 3 Cheddars make up the foundation for every other concept of Cheeseism.

The other concepts are inconsequential and have little meaning unless you sign up to Understandably Onion Premium, just $38 a week, free trial available! With all new graphics, amazing member benefits, access to limited content, handy perks and saliva-dripping discounts, Understandably Onion Premium has everything you need, when you need it, how you need it, and why you need it! Sign up now for your free trial and become an Understandably Onion VIP member today! Ts and Cs don't apply! Just kidding, of course they do! But that's okay, in the general euphoria stirred up by my overenthusiastic tone of voice, you can forget that last bit!

In adition to the three Chedddars, there are also 3 steps to become a fully enlightened cheeseist:

1. Detatch yourself from all forms of knowledge and beliefs. Focus on knowing nothing.
2. Once you know nothing, and have therefore broken down all conciets, begin anew using logic and reason to rebuild your knowledge.
3. Alternatively, as steps 1 and 2 both begin and end with you having the knowledge that you already have, you may take a shortcut for just $2.50 extra, and bypass the journey, simply remaining the exact same and not doing anything.

### History

In 1937, during China's rise to communism, Understandably Onion escaped Shanghai, where he had been formerly residing as an interpreter for a dutch businessman, and fled to the Tibetan Plateaux. It was there that he began seriously considering his life choices, and contemplating the universe over cups of yak's butter tea. It was then that he first learned of the existence of the Fuggler clan, who at the time were living in caves deep in the slopes of the nearby Himalayas. He then set out on an epic journey from the Tibetan Plateaux to the heart of K2, the second-highest mountain in the world. He encountered many difficulties, but the Rocky 3 soundtrack which was being played from speakers in the heavens kept him going. It was a journey for mind as well as body, and he finished ready to erase all his previous knowledge and begin his search for true truth. The Fugglers welcomed, nurtured and supported him, and he learned of their simple but beautiful way of life, and transformed it into the 3 Cheddars of Cheeseism.