The Pen King Is Back

The Pen King Is Back is the eighth chapter in the Wombles Two.

“Well I sort of misshaped my nose, got a cigarette holder, new hat and hurt my feet.” He replied. “Oh?” said Tara doubtfully “Have you got a pen?  I can’t find one anywhere in London.”  “No” replied Dr Keel “I’ve have ALL the pens!”  Tara was shocked.  “You, you can’t be the …”  “The what?” asked Dr Keel.  “The Pen King!” finished Tara.  Suddenly a tune played.  Daa-daa da-da, da da-da, daa daa.  “Quack, quack, quack!” quacked Dr Keel.  He waddled to the burrow and dragged Henchman Again Uncle Bulgaria and Miss Adelaide with him to his Pen Lair.

Steed was looking for a pen. He had tried all the pen shops he knew but nobody had one.  A new pen shop had opened called K G Biro, Purveyors of fine pens and inks.  He strolled over to it, walked in and rang the bell.  Just after that so did all the wombles and Avengers.  Mother pushed his way through the throng of wombles and people. “Steed!  Stand aside that is an order!” he said gruffly.

“No!” replied Steed “You don’t rule the Avengers any more!”.  Mother was shocked.  “Who does then?” he asked.  “I do!” One Ten appeared with a gun. “Mother you under arrest!” he said. “I thought I knew best!” Mother retorted.  “You are just a pest!” One Ten reported.  One Ten took Mother away even though that caused a delay, because really One Ten just wanted a pen!

It was good thing for One Ten and Mother that they left.  Gas started pouring into the shop and they all feel to the ground.  All except for the quacking Pen King, Biro (Miss Adelaide) and Fountain (Henchman Again Uncle Bulgaria).

Everybody woke up confused. Nearly every womble and Avenger were tied up on a giant conveyor belt.  “Quack!” announced the Pen King.  “Nobody tries to take my pens … and lives!” he said evilly.  There a big sign that said Pen King’s Giant Pen Making Machine (PKGPMM – pronounced pookgoopmm) for short.  He pulled a lever and the conveyer belt started moving!

So Dr Keel (Or maybe I should call him Dr Kill) walked off, not noticing Steed getting a hand loose by recalling AEIOU.  Then he got his other hand loose.  Then his foot.  Then his other foot.  Then he rolled off the conveyer belt.  All the others had fainted when they saw the conveyer belt.  Steed went up to Cathy and woke her up, then untied her. “Thanks.” She said.  Tara woke up and Cathy punched Steed.  “Oi!  You over there!” said Tara.  “I’m about to be made into a pen!”  Steed rushed over with a black eye and untied her.

All of a sudden there was a strange noise that sounded like someone saying, “Hello!” in a posh voice.  A man that looked like a cross between Steed and a Dickins character fell out of a cupboard. He got up and looked at Steed, saying, “I am your Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Uncle Steed.”  Steed blinked and fainted.

Back at Avengers HQ One Ten had given Mother lots of Steed’s special strength brandy to make him talk.  He did! He wouldn’t stop talking.  The trouble was that One Ten didn’t have a pen. He couldn’t write it down so he went into town.  Inside a fine pen shop it made him frown.  Lots wombles and spies in a trap  My oh my!  He grabbed a pen and that was when a weird looking man tried to hit him with a pan. One Ten was better and won the fight. He headed back to HQ through the night.

Mother was still drinking brandy and said his name was Mandy.  One Ten wrote it all then Mother drove him bandy. So One Ten put away his pen. Mother was in prison and One Ten had done his mission.

Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Uncle Steed was untying the wombles and the other avengers.  Once they were all untied, Venus sang about it.  “I wanted to buy a pen, ‘cause I had lost one once again, I got gassed for no reason, woke up and I was endangered, Fainted and then later woke up, and got untied by what looks a bit like a mop!”  “What?” said Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Uncle Steed, and punched her and tied her back on again.  Steed punched him and untied her again.  “Steed! You are a very naughty boy!” said Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Uncle Steed, but everyone had already rushed off.

The wombles and avengers arrived at the burrow.  Mrs Peel greeted them.  (She hadn’t gone to the pen shop, as she had never actually rejoined the avengers after leaving).  She immediately punched Steed.  “Ow!” said Steed.  “I only wanted to teach the womblets!”  He suddenly realised he was standing right next to Cathy and everyone could see them, so he knocked her out with his bowler.  A few minutes later she woke up and punched Tara, because she was still angry about the costumes.  Tara then punched Venus.  Venus sang about it.  “Everyone arrived back at the burrow, that means there was a cause for oh nos, Mrs Peel Punched Steed, Steed knocked out Cathy, Cathy punched Tara, Tara’s an agent like LARA, Tara punched me really hard, I just sang and completely ignored!”

Whilst she was singing, all the other avengers ran away from each other, and went into their houses.  When she saw that she was the only one still there, she went home too.

Released-Again Uncle Bulgaria had stopped being the Pen King’s henchman again. Bungo went up to him.  “What actually was going on in your office earlier?” he asked.  “You know, when Cathy went in.”  Please-Don’t-Ask-That Uncle Bulgaria paused and explained.  “Young womble, it’s time I told you about the jewels.”  He lead Bungo down a passage and into an enormous room with walls and everything, but it seemed like outside, with a stone bridge leading you across the water and to the other end of the room.  Bungo stared at the wall on the other side.  There was an enormous green jewel built into it and a hole where there had once been a slightly differently shaped jewel. Explaining Uncle Bulgaria pointed at the big green jewel.  “That is the womble existence jewel.” He said.  “Without it, all wombles around the world would be dead.”  Bungo’s eyes widened.  “What was the other jewel?” he asked in an amazed whisper.  “That, young womble, was the Womble Protection Jewel. It protected us from getting diseases, illnesses, viruses, or anything like that.  But one day, two foolish human beings stole that jewel.” Replied Making-Himself-Excited Uncle Bulgaria.  “Who?” asked Bungo, shocked.  “We don’t know for sure.” Replied Suddenly-Serious Uncle Bulgaria. “But this is evidence of who those two people might have been.”  He got out a tape recorder and played it.  This is what the recording said: