Hit and Run

**Hit and Run**is episode 135b of Edward and Eric. It premiered on Kids' WB on September 17, 2005.

## Synopsis

Snodgrass invents a robot that takes over Edward's life.

## Cast

* Andrew Rannells as Edward, Edward XP, Christian and Skipper
* Dee Bradley Baker as Snodgrass and Old Man Esmond
* Josh Peck as Eric
* Wayne Grayson as Joey
* Gary Sauls as Constantinos, Mr. Goodman, Aaron and Corey
* Edward Felker as Stanley, Igor and Abdul
* Dan Green as Dallas
* Tress MacNeille as Preschool Teacher
* Mike Pollock as Principal Walker and Coach Monumental
* Veronica Taylor as Carver
* Rickey D'Shon Collins as Blake
* Jessica DiCicco as Lola
* Eric Stuart as Gurney and Agustin
* Mark DeCarlo as Paul
* Rachael Lillis as Mandy and Bernadette
* Grey DeLisle as Tamara
* Jason Griffith as Travis
* Christopher Sabat as Zachary
* John DiMaggio as Tony

Kimberly is mentioned.

## Trivia

* This episode was shown shortly after *Pokémon: The Mastermind of Mirage Pokémon*premiered on Kids' WB on April 29, 2006 since there were a couple of minutes left to spare.
* This, along with its sister episode, premiered on the same day as the series premieres of *Coconut Fred's Fruit Salad Island*, *Loonatics Unleashed* and *Johnny Test*.
* When Edward is crying in the sink, recycled audio of him crying from the Season 1 episode, Homeless, can be heard.
* This episode is available to watch on the Ed-or-Treat VHS and DVD, and The Complete Sixth Season box set.
* An Aesop: Even if there's someone who's better than you at something, nobody can ever truly replace *you*.

## Transcript

(Snodgrass is at the school's hallway, looking at all of his Nobel Prizes awards shown in a glass display)

**Snodgrass:**Well, Snodgrass, ol' boy, you seem to have really made it with these public recognitions exhibiting your remarkable intellectual skills. All you need left is Perfect Attendance, and you'll have a record more serene than anything Barbra Streisand could dream of. There's nothing I'll need to worry about anytime soon.

(Snodgrass begins to shine one of his trophies, but then he hears a crowd in the distance)

**Snodgrass:**What the?

(People are surrounding Edward and cheering for him)

**Edward:**Ladies, ladies, one at a time! There's plenty of Edward for everyone!

**Snodgrass:**(grunts) Okay, maybe I do need to worry about my inventive rival, Edward Pearson. That guy thinks he's better than me? Well, he's been seeking for a death wish ever since preschool!

(Flashback begins)

**Preschool Teacher:**You guys know what today is?

**Edward:**(raises his hand) Extended nap time?

**Preschool Teacher:**No, today is the day to turn in your art projects one by one!

(Edward immediately turns in an exact replica of Leonardo da Vinci's *Mona Lisa*, and the teacher's eyes bug out)

**Preschool Teacher:**Yeesh, is that what it takes these days? I'm giving this an A+++!

(Snodgrass turns in a paper that have some macaroni pieces glued onto it. The pieces resemble an owl)

**Snodgrass:**Whaddya think? It took me approximately three days!

**Preschool Teacher:**(holds in her laughter) It's...not good, but not bad either. I'll...give this a grade of... let's say... "Moderate".

(The teacher quickly goes to the back of the school and burns the paper with a lighter. The flashback ends)

**Snodgrass:**I can still hear her saying "Moderate" in my head... (collapses and shudders)

**Edward:**(grooms his hair while walking down the hall) Oh, Edward, if there were two of you, the school would be all over you.

**Snodgrass:**Something about that comment reminds me of a direct-to-video romance film. (gasps) That's it! Why can't there by two Edwards? It's such a grand scheme, that surely nobody else has thought of it before!

(Cuts to live action footage of a man in a Edward costume trying to write a story, but the costume's oversized hands keep making him drop the pencil. Eventually, the man yells in frustration and leaves the room)

**Snodgrass:**Okay, maybe someone out there has. But with a clone of Edward, I can take over his life with ease in the most vicious way possible! I can ruin his two aspects: his identity, and reputation. (laughs) Snodgrass, you are perfect.

(Cuts to lunch time. Edward and Eric are eating at the school's courtyard and Edward is having a tea party with his teddy bear)

**Edward:**How would you like your tea, Mr. Schnookums? With milk and sugar, or without? Oh, without? (pours tea in a cup) You are such a card.

**Snodgrass:**Felicitations, Pearson brothers.

**Edward:**(screams like a woman and puts his toys away) Oh, it's you. What's up your sleeve now, Snodgrass?

**Snodgrass:**I need help from the both of you.

**Edward:**Oh, get a grip, Snodgrass, you've already proved yourself countless times that you hate me more than anything else in this world - more than loud breathers - and if there's anything on my not-to-do list, it's team up with you in something.

**Snodgrass:**But I'm serious this time! (pretends to be sad) You see, I'm protesting against the school's strict dress code. Normally I'd get other people to join in and help me riot, but nobody will even look at me, and you two are the sanest individuals here in this wasteland.

**Edward:**Not even the cheerleaders wanted to join you?

**Snodgrass:**No, not at all. They took one look at me and ran off, but hey, it's not like they matter.

**Eric:**He's right, Edward, women are a bane to society. All they do is cry, pin blame on you, and then tell you they're hungry afterwards.

(Edward stares at Eric in silence for a second)

**Eric:**Also, my milk is past its expiration date. Could you get me another? And I ate my yellow crayon.

**Snodgrass:**OK, I take it: Eric is coming along with me for the protest. Come on, Eric.

**Eric:**Hey, Edward, are you coming?

**Snodgrass:**Uhh... we'll let him stay here. After all, we certainly can't do this without him. (chuckles)

**Edward:**Huh?!

(The next day, we see a shot of the sun rising)

(Edward is whistling as he enters school grounds, and he heads for the library, but sees all the Nerds scrambling out and screaming)

**Aaron:**(in the background) Go go go go go, run run run run run run!

**Agustin:**(in the background) Oh, this is a disaster!

(Tamara can be heard crying)

**Corey:**Hey, guys! It's him!

**Igor:**(sees Edward) This is all your fault, Edward!

**Abdul:**Yeah, this is your fault, Edward!

**Igor:**You're dead, Edward!

**Abdul:**Yeah! You're dead, Edward!

**Edward:**(confused) Huh? I didn't do anything. Why's everybody mad?

**Aaron:**You put a bunch of rats in the library, and left this piece of evidence!

(Aaron hands Edward a note)

**Edward:**(reads it) "I did this, sincerely, Edward Pearson". (rips the letter in anger) THAT WAS IN SNODGRASS' HANDWRITING! Oh, I'll get him for this! Guys, I swear, it wasn't me!

**Corey:**It couldn't have been Snodgrass, he's a more courteous student than you.

**Aaron:**I long for the old days, where we could hide from bullies. But now our haven's infested with filthy rodents!

(A family of rats casually walk out of the door, and all the Nerds scream again. Aaron hops onto Edward's arms)

**Edward:**Ugh! Don't tell me you had an accident again, Aaron.

**Aaron:**That was soda. I spilled it.

**Edward:**Well, fortunately, I'm not afraid of some harmless rats.

(Edward goes to handle it, but seconds later, he walks back with all the rats on his body)

**Edward:**I guess that settles it.

(The rats bite Edward to the point where there's absolutely nothing left of him)

(Later that afternoon, Edward is walking to Gym class, but then he notices that the Gym building is on fire. All the Jocks and a bunch of other students are witnessing this)

**Coach Monumental:**Oh my god, I can't believe this! (puts his palms on his eyes) How did this happen?! (sees Edward) ***EDWARD PEARSON!!!!! COME HERE, BOY!!!!!!!***

**Edward:**(he gets so scared that he shrinks) Uhh...what's the matter, Coach?

**Coach Monumental:**WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! MY GYM'S IN FLAMES AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU! THIS IS LOW EVEN FOR YOU! (clenches his fists) YOU ARE A DISGRACE! A DEGENERATE! A LUNATIC!

**Edward:**Coach, it wasn't me! I'm no saint but I'd never put myself to this!

**Coach Monumental:**OH YEAH?! TELL ME THIS! (forces Edward to look at a piece of graffiti on the building's wall)

(The graffiti reads "Dear Coach Monumental, I did this. Love, Edward Pearson")

**Edward:**Mister, it wasn't-

**Travis:**Shut up, you bully! (punches Edward)

**Edward:**OW! Well, so much for you to call me a "bully". Ugh, I'll deal with this.

**Coach Monumental:**DON'T THINK I'VE FORGIVEN YOU, PEARSON!

(Inside the Gym, Edward rips a fire extinguisher from the wall and gets rid of the fire. He lifts up a giant ceiling light that fell on Zachary)

**Zachary:**(sarcastically) Thanks, I could've done that myself. (runs away)

(Edward sees a hand emerge from a pile of debris, and he tugs it out, revealing Tony)

**Tony:**(coughs) Edward, is that you? (coughs again) Thank you.

**Edward:**What happened, Tony?

**Tony:**Some weirdo went downstairs and started all of this. I know it couldn't have been you.

**Edward:**Thank you, Tony.

(Edward goes to investigate downstairs as Tony runs out and pants heavily)

(Edward XP rushes out of the male restroom. Edward screams, and Edward XP runs him over)

**Edward:**What is this?!

(Edward XP shoots a laser at him, which is so strong that Edward crashes through the wall and is sent flying outside. He hits a tree, which Snodgrass is eating an apple from. The tree collapses, and Edward weakly gets up from the ground)

**Snodgrass:**How do you like being recast from your life, Edward? (laughs)

**Edward:**(wipes dust off from his clothes; sarcastically) Oh, it's fantastic. Ya could've gotten an actor who looks nothing like me.

**Snodgrass:**That's not fantastic, you know what's fantastic? Edward 2.0 is experiencing EVERYTHING you've desired!

**Edward:**Come on, your ego is just- (turns around and screams incoherently, with his eyes bugging out) WHAAAAAAAAT?!

(We see Edward 2.0 and Travis)

**Travis:**Ya know, you're not too bad, Ed. In fact, you can have Kimberly. She's returning from her 5-year-long bus trip!

(Edward's entire body shatters to pieces)

**Snodgrass:**BUT WAIT! There's more.

(Edward's only intact body parts -- his glasses -- look over to the other direction, where he sees a bus pulling up at the front of the school)

**Edward:**(spontaneously regenerates) What did I do to deserve this?!

**Snodgrass:**That's what *I*should be asking myself, "hero".

**Edward:**I'll show you I'm still worthy in this world! Like...

**Principal Walker:**(offscreen) EDWARD!

**Edward:**Now! (runs so fast he leaves a trail of fire behind, and he rushes into Walker's office) Mr. Walker?

(The camera pans out to reveal he's in his office's restroom)

**Principal Walker:**Get me some toilet paper from the closet and don't tell anyone.

**Edward:**(opens it and tries to lift up a roll of TP, but he can't due to obviously being weak) One sec. (tries to pick it up with his teeth, but ultimately fails)

(He struggles to lift it up again to no avail. This goes on for a while as the following happens)

**Principal Walker:**(opens the door and slides his hand out) Edward? Edward? Come on, Edward, hand it over. The job ain't done 'till the paperwork's over. Come on, it's easy, just hand me the loo roll. I just dropped the kids off. (weakly laughs) Ok, joke's over, come on, hand it to me. Edward, this is an emergency! I am not kidding. Please, Edward! I need it! Hand it over! I'm not kidding. Edward, give it to me now! I MEAN RIGHT NOW!!! AAAAUUUUGGGHHHHHH!!!!

(An explosion occurs in the restroom)

(Edward 2.0 rushes into the scene, running over Edward. It picks up the TP and gives it to Walker. It quickly takes off)

**Principal Walker:**Took you long enough. (slams the door)

(We hear him grunting in relaxation, followed by the toilet flushing and air freshener being sprayed. He walks out with a piece of the TP stuck to one of his shoes)

**Principal Walker:**And consider that a detention. (walks away)