Day One: Introduction (1986)

**Saturday's host: Kirk Thatcher**, Muppet writer who co-wrote *Muppet Treasure Island* and *Muppets Tonight*.

**Kirk** enters holding the Emmy he won for *Muppets Tonight*. He says that he carries the Emmy around "to meet hot chicks."

He's going to introduce the Muppet performers today. These people have won a lot of awards, but they're very shy about them. "They won't tell you how great they are, so that's my job. I'm the gusher. I'm the company big mouth."

Kirk takes a quick poll, asking the audience to raise their hands if they've come from far away. He ends up with everyone's hand in the air, and he instructs us to keep our hands up. He mostly goes to *Star Trek* conventions, and Muppet fans need something as cool as "Live Long and Prosper". He's going to teach us the Muppet Salute.

**The Muppet Salute** goes like this: If you meet a fellow Muppet fan, you raise your hand like it's a puppet, and you say, "Hi ho!" Then, if you're greeted by a female fan, her response is: "Kissy kissy!" If you're greeted by a male Muppet fan, his response is: "Wocka wocka!"

Kirk practices the Muppet Salute with us a couple of times, and doesn't let us put our hands down. "The reason I asked you to keep your hands up is to show you what these Muppet performers go through *every day of their lives!*"

Next, Kirk introduces a special message from a big star. "It's a big deal getting her to do anything these days... I'm talking, of course, about Hillary Clinton." The video screen comes down -- but there's technical problems, and they can't figure out how to run the tape of Miss Piggy's message. "Isn't that very *Muppet Show*!"

Kirk vamps for a while. "So, you're all wondering... What's it like to win an Emmy?" To fill the time while the techs figure out what's wrong, Kirk asks the audience trivia questions. What's the Muppets' name in Germany? Nobody knows. "*Das Muppets*, guys, of course. Come on!"

The video screen lights up -- with live Muppets, backstage! **Rizzo, Gonzo, Baskerville, Floyd Pepper** and **Lenny the Lizard** all appear on the screen, and they're all yelling at Kirk.

*Baskerville*: "Kirk, why are you messing up?"
*Lenny*: "Kirk, please -- make this show go all right, okay? This is very bad, okay."
Kirk announces the new show: Who Wants to Marry a Muppet Guy?

*Gonzo*: "I'm single!"
*Rizzo*: "Anybody out there cute and small?"
*Kirk*: "I think they're underage."
*Gonzo*: "Of course they're underage, if they're ten inches tall!"
Floyd and Baskerville exit to go to the bathroom, followed by Rizzo. Gonzo stays behind: "I'm not going to the bathroom... Oh. Yes, I am." The Muppets all leave.

Finally, they play the recorded message from **Miss Piggy**, who informs us, "It is with great regret that I cannot be with you at Muppetfest, but celebritude brings so many demands... But it is moi's pleasure, and contractual obligation, to bring to you the Chairman and CEO of the Jim Henson Company -- I have no idea what he does -- Brian Henson!"

**Brian Henson** enters and welcomes us to Muppetfest. He says that Jim Henson always had a vision -- and then he would involve a lot of other people, and then the vision would come out completely different.

*Brian*: "One of the things that Frank Oz would say when people ask, 'How do you become a Muppet performer?', he said, 'Well, you just have to fight to survive,' which is really true. In the Muppets, everyone tries to upstage everybody else -- and whoever wins, gets a bigger role next week. So the winners, you'll be meeting. And the losers... You can book them for your next birthday party. I know, that's really mean."
Brian says that this weekend, we'll get to meet all the real people behind the Muppets. Then the Muppets appear on the video screen again...

*Rizzo*: "People? No people! We're supposed to talk about *Muppets!*"
*Lenny*: "Brian... por favor, no peoples. What about us?"
*Rizzo*: "We're walking! The door's right there... I'm walking!"
Brian promises the Muppets that they'll get their chance this weekend too.