Junkrat vs Demoman

Team Fortress 2 vs Overwatch! Which explosive lunatic will rise victorious in this ***Blast*** of a fight?

## Demoman

(TF2 OST- The Art of War)

EP: The mercenaries of 2fort, a colorful bunch, they are. We got a psychotic German doc, a giant Russian fuck who's loaded on sandviches, and-

*Soldier: MAGGOTS!*

Fushi: But by far, the most colorful of the bunch, literally, is Tavish Finnigan Degroot. The drunk, self-made explosive-obsessed freak known as the Demoman.

(Cue TF2 OST- Mercenary Park)

EP: Hoo, boy. And Demo's story is quite the trip, if said trip involves some DeGroot's rum mixed with charred paint and bomb-making materials. Anyhoo, young Tavish was abandoned at birth and adopted into the home of two loving parents, who later got blown up in a freak accident involving the young boy's obsession with bomb-making.

Fushi: After that nightmare, he tried to find his first job to earn some money, but, he found the exact wrong employer. Long story short, don't take jobs from a sketchy-looking evil wizard.

EP: Demo was ordered to clean the wizard's library, pretty normal stuff, but then, he stumbled across the bombanomicon. A tome that took the boy's eye and promptly got him fired. Fun fact, that eye would come back every halloween night as a giant monster named Monoculous.

Fushi: After that awful nightmare, Demo found his place within the ranks of the 2Fort nine, beginning his career of fragging man, machine, and eldritch abomination alike.

EP: Demoman has a variety of sexy tools of destruction at his disposal, including his trusty frag-launcher with bouncing pills, a stickygrenade launcher for setting up traps to blow up any poor piece of crap dumb enough to walk into em as well as send *himself* flying through the air.

Fushidara: Scotland can reach into space!

EP: Thank god he has a parachute....And last but not least, his trusty bottle of Degroot's Rum, both for havin' a good drink, and for bashing people's head in, bar-fight style! Not stupid enough for you? How about this? This motherfucker carries around a medieval cannon attached to a plank to a gunfight!

Fushidara: The "Loose Cannon" Fires massive metal cannonballs at people with such force that he can send people flying upon impact. Not only this, he can control when the cannonballs detonate, sending the poor soul flying all over the place like a Lada's tires when it hits a speed bump.

EP: Although, Demoman is no stranger to more ancient ways... on top of his bombs, he also carries the haunted, head-hunting sword known as Eyelander.

(Cue TF2 OST- Drunken Pipe-Bomb)

 EP: Swapping in his bomb-making equipment for a.....admittedly tiny toothpick of a sword, and a wooden shield somehow strong enough to defend against fire and bombs, the Demoknight is a massively powerful melee fighter, Eyelander gains power with every head it takes, and the shield grants Demoman the ability to dash forward in a burst of speed and follow up with a powerful downward strike which is basically guaranteed to behead anything it touches.

Fushidara: The charge can both be used as a mobility tool, an escape, or a very potent and powerful fight-starter and attack. But the most stupid weapon in his arsenal is unlike any other. This is the idiocy that is....the Ullapool Caber.

EP: So, quick question, what's the best way to use a Potato-masher hand grenade? Throw it at the enemy to make sure you don't get caught in the blast? Ha! No! Fuck logic! You grab that son of a bitch, run up to them, and bitchslap them with it! Genius!

Fushidara: Throwing all concern for safety out the goddamn window, the Caber is an explodey laughing stick that blows up in your face when you get whacked by it. Only downside? Guaranteed near-lethal damage to the user?

EP: But who the fuck cares? It's fun!

Fushi: You're drunk again.....

EP: Anyways, throughout his career, Demo's done some shit. He's tanked rockets, the blasts from his own sticky-jumping, and the whole "his eye turning into a giant monster every Halloween night" thing, he's fought other mercs, robot mercs, wizards, the undead, and a giant bread-monster. He's also survived liver failure and hallucinations of his organs leaving his body.....what....

Fushidara: It....did help him keep himself alive while fighting an army of blood-sucking robots which killed the rest of his team in 5 seconds flat.... because he gave them all alcohol poisoning..... sounds like you!

EP: Oof

Fushidara: Anyways, the drunk fuck isn't without flaws, his Sticky-jumping hurts like shit, he lacks any sort of depth perception, and the dude's more times than not, too drunk to function properly- GODDAMMIT EP! PUT THAT DOWN!

EP: I'm just havin a beer! Calm the fuck down!

*Demoman: AHAHAHAHAAAAA! Oh they're gun'ta 'ave ta glue you back together! IN HELL!*

## Junkrat

(Cue Heroes of the Storm OST- Junkrat's theme)

EP: If y'all want to see what Australia looks like after a robot uprising, it ain't pretty. Basically, nuclear explosion happens and the residents are all now batshit crazy and living in a crossed world of Mad Max and Borderlands!

Fushidara: The former residents of the Australian outback formed a new society, now known simply as Junkertown. No rules, no order, only the strong survive. Once among these....raving lunatics was Jamison Fawkes....until he got kicked out.

EP: Naturally...pretty pissed after a bar fight, he hired some fat ugly pigfucker to serve as a bodyguard. And they started causing all sorts of shit within the walls of Junkertown, leading to their booting. Natually pretty pissed, the two went on an international crime spree to try and "convince" the people of Junkertown to let them back in.

https://youtu.be/\_q0QGtk\_AM0?t=2m50s

....Didn't work.

Fushidara: Ahem....anyways, Junkrat is a self-made bomber, and was able construct a fully-functional frag-launcher out of scrap parts.

EP: These frags are about as bouncy as one of those rubber balls that you throw around as a kid, so once you fire one, it bounces all over the place. And it is specially designed to blow up once it hits your face. Fun!

Fushidara: He also has with him a variety of traps, ranging from your average run-of-the-mill steel bear trap, to a makeshift sticky mine that he made out of a car alarm.

EP: But that's not even the whole of this crazy anarchist's contraptions, he's created a motorcycle, a self driving bomb tire, and even, get this, a FUCKING EXPLODING AIRCRAFT out of a hollowed-out NUKE! How is this possible? What kind of drugs is this guy on?! Should I start inhaling gunpowder?

Fushidara: ....Disregarding this drunk gunfucker's drug addiction, Junkrat has traveled the world, causing meyhem wherever he stepped. He'd broken into and stolen from multiple highly-secure facilities. Racking up a 25 million dollar bounty in the process.

EP: His explosives level skyscrapers and compounds with ease, and he is capable of fighting off wave after wave of security bots. But that still makes him far from unstoppable.

Fushidara: Junkrat is unpredictable, impulsive, and quick to act before thinking, and more times than not, he REALLY needs the hog to keep him in check, his biggest problem is his lack of sanity..... eugh....this guy needs a mental asylum.

EP: Lack of sanity is a bad thing?

Fushi: Duh! What did you think?

EP: But....what even is sanity in the first place...?

Fushidara: Oh no.... we are not having this talk again......

EP: Yeah, we aren't, that's why this place is primed to explode in 3....

Fushi: Waitwaitwhat?!

EP: 2....

Fushi: GODDAMMITEPWHATDIDYOU-

EP: 1.....

Fushi: SCREW YOU! DRUNK GUNFUCKING BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

***BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!***

*Junkrat: Alright, first, we light the fuse! Then, we put on out inconspicuous disguises and sneak into town! After that, we get our glorious blinged-out boom trolley right up to the boss's place! Reveal our ingenious deception, and BOOM! They'll never see it coming! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAaaaa....*

## Mutually Assured Destruction! - FIGHT!

(Cue Edvard Grieg- Hall of the Mountain King)

*Degroot Keep*

A lanky, charred, half-naked Australian man tiptoes around the stone castle walls of Degroot keep, ducking behind one rock, then another, then behind a fence, then had his back turned to the side of the castle's gate. He stared at the wooden gate with annoyance, before suddenly popping an evil grin. he leapt upon the gate Spider Man-style and stuck 5 mines onto the gate in the blink of an eye, before pulling out a remote control, giggling. Clicking the red button on the detonator, the mines detonated with a loud, audible **BOOM**.

Junkrat began to walk through the gate, thinking that this was too easy a job, silently chuckling to himself, before...

*DONK*

A giant brick from the castle wall fell square on his head, plastering a very stupid-looking grin over his face as he fell to the floor, his face unchanging. Junkrat continued, however, still on the ground, he dragged himself through the stone floor with his arms, and continued to slither around the floor before finally popping up, sneaking around, trying to remain unseen.

Demo, on the other side of DeGroot keep, heard the explosion, first, he ignored it, we was probably just drunk and hearing things agai-

No

Wait

He had treasure hidden in this castle.

*NOBODY* was going to touch that.

Demo grabbed his grenade Launcher and crept around, searching for the intruder.

Meanwhile, Junkrat found a treasure chest hidden in a haystack, he grabbed the treasure chest, and began to slowly sneak out again. Remaining completely unseen, the chest was heavy, what could be in it? Why was his employer after it? Agh....

Demoman was pissed, seeing the castle's gate blown open, he gripped his grenade launcher again, whoever touched his precious treasure was going to have whatever's left of him buried in a soup can....

Junkrat heard the footsteps outside the castle walls, quickly hiding behind a wall raising up his frag launcher before jumping out through the gate, frag launcher in one hand, chest in the other. Coming face-to-face with Demo, who had his own grenade launcher pointed right at his stomach.

The two stared at each other in pure dumbfounded shock in a very brief moment of awkward silence. Before....

Junkrat: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Demoman: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

### This battle is about to **EXPLODE!**- FIGHT!

Demo was the first to snap out of his shock, quickly muting Junkrat's screaming with a hard right jab to the face, then following up by picking him up and tossing him away, before quickly picking up his Grenade Launcher and shooting at the Australian lunatic, Junkrat got up, seeing the incoming frags, he froze for a bit before dashing away, the frags blowing up behind him, causing him to comically jump up into the air and scream whenever a frag detonated. When the volley stopped, Junkrat looked behind him with an annoyed expression, almost forgetting one very crucial detail.

His pants caught fire.

Junkrat screamed again, jumping around like he had ants in his pants and rolling around on the floor like a drunk breakdancer. Hoping that it would put out the fire. Demoman looked at his adversary and burst into a fit of laughter.

Demo: Oi lad! Would'ja like yer good leg toasted or grilled?

There was no response, only a Junkrat that was angrily staring him in the face. Before pulling out a detonator and popping an evil grin.

Demoman looked down, and saw a stickymine planted right onto his chest.

Demo: Oh...?

*Deet deet!*

**BOOM!**

The explosion sent Demo crashing into a rock, which launched him high into the air on impact, flying through the air helplessly as a ragdoll.

*SMACK!*

(Music end)

Demo landed...well....*smack* onto the ground, face-first, but he quickly got up, dashing behind the nearest cover he could find, then finally made it back into the center of the keep, he was safe, for the moment.

Or so he thought....

(OCRemix - Flash in the Dark)

Demo suddenly heard some sounds, looking up, he saw red tennis balls raining down from above, wasting no time, he dodged all of them. they all exploded behind him, and he breathed a brief sigh of relief until he saw something even stupider.

It was Junkrat...

*Flying*

Demo: What the f-

Demo was cut off by another frag, which he ducked under in the nick of time, Junkrat continued to spread his frags and chaos all over the main keep, so Demo ran as fast as he could for cover, but just then , there was a frag from Junkrat at the entrance to the battlements, which cut Demo off, with a shocked yell, Demo jumped backwards, and began run around the floor like a mouse trying to avoid mouse traps.....if mice had access to copious amounts of alcohol. Before he finally had a clear sprint towards the door, so he charged forward, quite literally, so hard and fast, in fact, that when Junkrat dashed in between him and the doorway in hopes of stopping him, he realized that he'd made a terrible mistake.

Demo's charge smashed into Junkrat like a speeding car, then smashed the scrawny junker against the castle wall. before continuing his way up the stairs, bolting at top speeds. Junkrat then snapped back up from the attack, getting back up, grabbing his frag launcher again, he gave chase.

Junkrat: Oi mate! Why ya runnin? Ya were so eager to defend that shit chest a while ago!

Junkrat continued to chase after Demo, until he came face-to face with the drunk scot in the middle of the corridor, Junkrat walked forward.

Junkrat: Alright, mate, any last words?

Demoman simply took out his bottle of scrumpy, taking a sip, he pointed to the wall behind Junkrat, and there...

(Music Stop)

Was a massive stickytrap, 16 bombs strong, all within point-blank range.

Junkrat looked, then slowly turned his head back to Demo in realization.

Junkrat: ....Dammit!

The bombs detonated right behind him, sending Junkrat flying across the corridor, sliding to under Demo's feet. Junkrat got up, and stared Demo right into the eyes, pointing his finger

Junkrat: Bloody hell mate! Ya think that's funny-?

**DONK!**

His answer as a cannonball square to the face, and Junkrat was just able to make a very angry face at Demoman as the bomb hit the floor.

Junkrat: That's it mate, We're gonna do it just like we did it back in Junkerto-

**DOUBLE DONK!**

Junkrat was sent flying by the blast, back down the other part of the corridor, flailing around like a ragdoll.

(Cue The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly OST-Ecstacy of gold)

Junkrat got back up, staring down his opposition as Demo drew Eyelander. His missing eye glowed with a hellish green flame. The two combatants looked each other in the eye, knowing that their next movement could be their last....

*SCHWING!*

(Music cuts out abruptly)

Demo swung Eyelander, and it's revealed that he swung his sword into a hole in the wall, where the BLU Scout had a boombox, and was playing music.

Scout: Aww, c'mon, man!

Demo: No! None o' that! Shame on you!

Scout: Ugh, fine, dickweed.

Scout picked up the remnants of his boombox and walked away.

(Cue Street Figher V OST-Birdie's theme)

Junkrat: Agh, c'mon big guy, that was a good song too!

Demo: Grrr....

Demo charged at Junkrat at full speed, who was barely able to dodge the Scot's sword swing with a quick step to the side. Before firing a shot from his frag launcher at him, sending the Black Cyclops into the wall. Junkrat then pelted him with more frags, bouncing him off of the wall and right into a hard left jab courtesy of the Aussie lunatic.

Junkrat was on the offensive again, slamming frag after frag into Demo, but Demo held still, hurt, but he was still able to grip Eyelander, walking up to Junkrat, and performing a flurry of slashes to his abdomen, before pulling out the Loose Cannon once again, and firing a cannonball right into Junkrat's torso, sending him flying back onto the floor. Demo, seeing this opportunity, once again grabbed Eyelander, and charged forward in a burst of speed to finish Junkrat off, but he was stopped, feeling a sharp pain in his leg.

It was caught by Junkrat's Steel Trap.

Demo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

Junkrat: Don't Move!

Ka-KARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Junkrat was standing up, again, with a spiked Tire in his hands, pulling the cord like a lawnmower startup, it spun in the air for a bit, before Junkrat loosed it at the trapped Demoman. With an grand explosion which destroyed the ceiling, Demo was flung out the roof, landing on the roof of the battlements.

Junkrat followed shortly thereafter, propelling himself out of the hole with a sticky jump, but he want far beyond the roof, and out of sight.

Demo gripped his sword once again, and scanned the area, trying to find any trace of this lunatic. until he looked up...

How.

The fuck.

Was this guy.

RIDING A MISSILE?!

Demo didn't have time to question, he grabbed Eyelander, and prepared himself. Junkrat steered himself into a direct collision course with Demo, who stepped back, waiting for the perfect time to strike.

Junkrat's Rocket Ride was now parallel to the battlements, it was now or never.

Demo Charged, as Junkrat ordered his rocket full speed ahead. rapidly closing distance on each other, they were only inches apart, when.

(Music Stop)

Junkrat: Waitwaitwaitwaitwait! Hold up!

Both Demo and Junkrat came to a screeching halt, Junkrat's Rocket Ride fizzled out, and landed, as Demoman stopped so abruptly he almost tripped.

Junkrat: Why are we fighting again?

Demo: Oh yeah! It was because uhhh.... euhhhh.... Ugh, I'm not drunk enough for this...

Junkrat: You don't know either...huh...?

Demo shrugged.

(Cue Spongebob OST-Tomfoolery)

Junkrat: So....who started this whole fight thing in the first place?

Demo: Listen laddie, I dunno, but it was DEFINITELY YOU!

Junkrat: Listen to yaself mate! Ya too drunk ta remember and ya blamin this on me?!

Demo: Ohhh?.....Yeah! Gimme a sec!

Demo drank even more liquor, in hopes that it would refresh his memory....or something.

Junkrat simply facepalmed, and said

Junkrat: Hey lookie here mate, this conversation's gettin nowhere, so if ya got no otha problems, I'mma take this stuff and get the hell outta this place, sound like a deal?

Demo: Aye see ya around laddie!

Demo passed out drunk on the roof, as Junkrat jumped right back down the hole, grabbing the chest he found earlier.

...

.....

.......

Hold up...

Demo opened his eyes as the Junker was leaving, and remembered why they fought in the first place.

(Cue Spongebob OST-Grass Skirt Chase)

Demo: Ya bloody trickin' thievin sack-a eyeball dicks! Get yer dirty hands offa my stoof!

Demo grabbed Eyelander, and ran towards Junkrat like a man possessed, swinging the blade like a madman as Junkrat scrambled, running away across the battlements.The two ran like madmen, in the keep, on the roof, up a house, then there was a few newspaper stacks slapped onto the floor.

**NAKED AUSTRALIAN MAN CHASED BY DRUNK SWORDSMAN ACROSS ULLAPOOL**

**WANTED CRIMINAL SIGHTED BEING CHASED BY WORLD-CLASS MERCENARY**

**UN MEETING SUSPENDED AFTER ARMED LUNATICS BREAK INTO SCHEDULED MEETING PLACE.**

**GREAT WALL OF CHINA NEARLY DESTROYED BY EXPLOSIVE-OBSESSED FREAKS**

**SWORDSMAN CHASING NAKED LUNATIC DISCOVERED IN BERLIN WALL PHOTO**

**ANCIENT EGYPTIAN HIEROGLYPHS DEPICT NAKED MAN BEING CHASED BY CYCLOPS**

**2 HUMANS CONFIRMED TO HAVE LANDED ON MARS, APPARENTLY CHASING EACH OTHER**

The newspaper stack was trampled by Junkrat hastily running over them while trying to escape Demo. In his haste, Junkrat forgot to check the floor beneath him, falling into the hole that he blew into the ground earlier. He fell onto the wooden floor beneath him,and prepared to get up....until the chest fell on his head as well with a loud **THWACK**. Junkrat got up, seeing stars.

(Cue Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky-1812 Overture)

Demoman jumped down, before setting up a massive sticky trap under the stunned Junkrat's feet.

Demo: Ahahaha! End a the line fer you lad! After I'm done with ya, they'll use yer guts as fine glue!

Junkrat: Come down here then, ya drunk scottish monster!

Demo did just that, Eyelander in hand, he swung again and again at Junkrat, each slash barely missing him, before he went in for a jab. Junkrat detonated a sticky mine right in front of him at the last second possible. Blasting Demo away and himself backwards, the two parties both slid across the floor.

Junkrat: And here comes my favorite part....

Demo was preparing to charge at Junkrat again, as Junkrat smiled

Junkrat: **BOOM!**

Junkrat fired a frag at a sticky grenade, and it detonated, sending a chain reaction of all of Demo's bombs to go off, catching the Scot in their blast and filling the entire area in thick smoke. Fire erupted from the windows and the hole in the roof spouted ash like a volcano.Inside the Smokescreen, Demo and Junkrat were going hand to hand, Demo managed to elbow Junkrat away and grab his frag launcher, but he was caught off-guard by Junkrat also firing his own frag as he fired his. The two shots collided, and Demo was pushed back by the blast, grenade launcher knocked right out of his hands.

But Demo wasn't at all out of tricks, reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a Potato-Masher hand grenade, and prepared 2 stickybombs under his feet. Demo stared through the pitch-black smoke and found his target, detonating the bombs and charging at the same time his Caber glowed a bright red and it crackled with electricity. He slammed it right into Junkrat as it exploded in a powerful burst of fire and shrapnel. Junkrat was blown out of the fortress window, flipping as he hit the frame, before dropping like a looney toons character. Demo was hurt, stumbling back a bit after the impact, he sat down, thinking that he had won...

Until he realized a fuse tied to a pile of Junkrat's explosives, with a note that read "GG!"

The entire wall blew up, the keep crumbled in a display of flames and wreckage. Junkrat was on the floor, hurt, and the chest landed right in front of his face. Which lit up a smile as he turned to watch the rest of the fireword over the sound of his maniacal laughter.

(Music End)

Now....Time to check what was in this damn thing anyways....

(Cue Ennio Morricone-Rabbia e Tarantella)

Junkrat crawled up to the chest and opened it, what could have possibly been more important to his employer? Gold? An ancient relic? Anything that he could keep for himself?

Opening the chest....Junkrat saw what was in it.....

.....

Bottles

All labelled "DeGroot's Rum"

Junkrat stared at the chest in a mix of confusion and anger. He'd been sent all this way...to fetch some idiot *booze?!*

Junkrat then noticed an odd presence behind him, he turned around, and saw...

A Bastion.

2 Bastions...

A robot Demoman.

2 Robot Scouts

An OR-14.

Junkrat stared with a dumbfounded expression as he saw an entire robot army rise up from out of nowhere. All of them had guns pointed directly at him, what was this? The castle guards? A third party?

Junkrat stared into the sea of machines. There were omnics from Null:Sector, Gray Mann's robots, even a terminator, all standing behind a giant robot Heavy.

Junkrat smiled awkwardly and waved.

Junkrat: Ummm.... g'day...!

Robot Heavy: WE SHALL CRUSH LEETLE MAN! ATTAAAAAACK!!!!!

(Cue TF2 OST-Main theme outro)

Junkrat was then seen over the horizon, being chased by a massive wave of robots while gripping the chest for dear life.

Morrison: Well, seems we definitely have our work cut out for us....

Heavy: Heavy hate robots....

## Results

(Cue Laura Platt-Overwatch Trailer Theme Orchestral remix)

EP: Boom boom boom boom~

Fushidara: Alright, who was it that ordered him to steal them beer? That's my question.

EP: *Whistling*

Fushidara: GODDAMMIT YOU FAT DRUNK FUCK! JUST GET ON WITH THE FUCKING RESULTS!

EP: Heheh...well, this fight was **EXTREMELY** close. Demo had multiple advantages over Junkrat, including a wider arsenal, more experience, ever so slightly more sanity, and an overwhelming edge in melee combat and close-quarters. However, Junkrat had a few advantages of his own that gave him the win

Fushidara: While both Demo and Junkrat could use their bombs to propel themselves, when Demo does it, it...pretty much kills him, whereas Junkrat can do it without a care in the world....somehow.

EP: Junkrat had superior range, and while Demoman would be able to close the distance with his charge, Junkrat has multiple ways of keeping him at bay, like his Steel Trap or concussion Mine, making Demo's Close-range advantage pointless.

Fushidara: Junkrat also had superior destructive capability, as his bombs have been shown to be capable of leveling bank vaults or even skyscrapers! In that department, Demo couldn't really compare. All in all, Junkrat's superior range, keepaway options, and less risky mobility gave him the win

EP: Demo's victory kinda crashed and burned.

Fushidara: The winner is Junkrat!