How to Dragon Your Train

**Criminal Princess Saga: Part 4** (Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3)

After weeks of escaping and being thrown back into jail, Karina Twelvely the dragon accepted the life of crime that comes with appearing exactly like Criminal Princess. Years later, the disguise had been slightly altered to make Twelvely more comfortable, now looking more like a Criminal Prince. As such, he has committed many small crimes across the Western United States of Mothamerica. In 1975 Twelvely had ingratiated himself with a corporation in Las Vegas as a factory officer, secretly planning to steal the company's most valuable possession.

King St. Old Town was the King-Saint of Tunguska, until he visited Western Mothamerica and was told that he couldn't boss people around here. Not being the king of Mothamerica made him upset, so he dedicated his life to becoming the next best possible: a King of Industry.

On his way to the factory vaults to steal some raw materials, Twelvely wandered past a conference room where an experimental mechanic named Damsel Orlando was pitching a new project code named the Trans-Cautions Hydro-Electric Scheme. It looked promising. So promising, Twelvely suspected, that it would sell for a very high price in the mechanics' black market.

He waited outside the door, and once the conference had ended he politely tipped his officer's hat to the higher-ups, one-by-one, as they walked out. Orlando was the last one out of the room. Twelvely held out his hand, offering her a handshake. She reluctantly accepted, and was then thrown to the ground with unexpected force. Her attacker was now leaning over her, (effortlessly) holding her down with one hand and using the other to pickpocket the plans. She kneed him in the stomach, which knocked him over long enough for Orlando to scramble to her feet and call out that a factory officer had just stolen the scheme. Twelvely would certainly be fired, but that didn't matter because he was already running towards the exit.

King Saint Old Town and his wonder dog Bismarck were exploring the factory, to learn how industry worked from the inside out. After raging against a machine because it wouldn't tell him how it worked, his attention was drawn to Bismarck loudly barking at a disguised dragon sprinting through the exit with embezzled papers, followed by a mechanic yelling about some stolen scheme. If he could get his hands on that, conquering industry would be a piece of cake! he pursued.

Damsel Orlando also pursued, but due to her conspicuously lawful appearance she was confronted by Twelvely's gang of beginner criminals. She managed to avoid their blows and escape, but was third in the race for the Scheme.

Twelvely headed for the train station and boarded the Heckaway Express (en route to the Grand Canyon). He hid in the coal car. The King had anticipated his course of action, however, and had hid amongst the coal himself. When he jumped out of the coal pile he spooked the dragon more than he had intended though, and he followed him as he ran out.

Orlando had made it onto the train now, perused by the gang goons. The soot-covered King stepped in and beat up the oafs, so they would no longer be participants in the race for those plans. Meanwhile, Twelvely stepped into the train's library car, sat down in a big comfy chair, and started reading up on business practices so he could understand the information he stole. Also Orlando called the police and told them "Someone stole some very important private property of mine. Don't worry though, I've got the situation under control" then hung up.

Twelvely closed the book and went into the adjacent Starbucks car, where he drank some oddly greasy coffee. The barista, who was a talking monkey wearing a nametag that said "Coffee Monkey," warned him to look out for King Saint Old Town, who was giving him a weird look from across the room.

Something outside the window caught Orlando's attention; there was a police Horse running alongside the train. Vegas must have been a progressive town, she thought, as most placed probably wouldn't let a Horse be a cop in this day and age. The Horse yelled at her in a Canadian accent that they got her call and were here to help. She yelled back "I told you I could handle it! I'm going to stop the train right now!" And that she did.

The train came to a halt so quickly and unexpectedly it would have knocked Twelvely's socks off, if not for his shoelaces. Orlando was about to tell the whole Express that there was a dangerous criminal on board who should be stopped at any cost, but before she got to the intercom she was confronted by the beast Twelvely *thought* he had seen earlier: a shapeshifting coal golem. She ran away carelessly, getting both her feet caught in mousetraps and screaming in pain just in time to see Twelvely jump out the window and run along the tracks in front of the stopped train.

King Saint Old Town watched this happen, and decided that the chase wasn't worth it if he would have to leave the comfort of the train, so he leaned back and relaxed for a while. Then he started tinkering with some spare parts he found and made a little automaton, which drew in an audience of smart and attractive people.

Now desperate, Orlando approached the members of Twelvely's gang. She figured they must know where he was headed, and bribed them with money that belonged to the company she didn't technically work for yet. Unfortunately, they would never betray their mentor, and shoved Orlando into a closet.

Twelvely realized he was being followed closely by a police car, and tried to speed up. He tripped over the tracks, but it turned out it was fine because the police car was being driven by the Canadian Horse from earlier, who crashed it into a cactus. This was one of those stereotypes that was based in truth: Horses can't drive. Twelvely escaped into a cave, an environment he was familiar with as a dragon, and started planning for the future.