Guide to Avoiding Bans

## STEP **MOTHERFUCKING** ONE

*AVOID DOING THINGS THAT COULD BE BANNABLE*

THIS IS A TRICKY STEP, AND BEING ABLE TO DO THIS WILL SEPARATE THE *COWMEN* FROM THE *COWBOYS*.

YOU SEE THAT ITEM YOU WANT IN A ROOM THAT YOUR JOB HAS NO NEED FOR AND YOU HAVE NO LOGICAL REASON TO CARRY ON YOUR PERSON AT ALL TIMES? **DON'T BREAK IN AND GRAB IT AND GET IN A FIGHT WITH ITS RIGHTFUL OWNER.**

YOU SEE THAT GUY STANDING AROUND? **DON'T SHOOT HIM WITH DARTS AND CHAIN HIM TO A BED AND WHIP HIM WITH ELECTRICAL WIRES.**

YOU SEE THAT TANK OF PLASMA? **DON'T OPEN IT IN A HALLWAY.**

IT'S FUCKING **ELEMENTARY**, *FATSON!*

## STEP THE SECOND

**LEARN HOW TO TALK TO THE ADMINS**

THIS STEP SHOULD BE UNNECESSARY IF YOU COCKS DIDN'T FUCK UP STEP ONE, BUT, APPARENTLY THAT WAS TOO DIFFICULT AND YOU FUCKED UP AND NOW AN ADMIN IS ASKING YOU QUESTIONS. HERE ARE SOME **FUCKING** TIPS.

TIP 1. RESPOND. IF YOU DON'T SAY ANYTHING **THEY'LL BAN YOU**, *FUCKNUTS*.

TIP 2. AVOID INSULTING THE ADMIN OR OTHER PLAYERS.

TIP 3. EXPLAIN YOUR REASONS FOR YOUR ACTIONS CALMLY, AND RATIONALLY. IF YOU HAVE TO TAKE MORE THAN 30 SECONDS WHEN THINKING BACK ON YOUR ACTIONS TO CONSIDER IF A PERSON OF SOUND MIND WOULD DO SUCH A THING, **YOU PROBABLY ARE AT FAULT**, *SHITLICKER*.

TIP 4. ACCEPT PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY. THE ADMIN STILL THINKS YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG, DESPITE FOLLOWING THE STEPS ABOVE? ACCEPT WHAT YOU DID WAS WRONG. APOLOGIZE FOR BEING A **SHITHEAD**, NOT JUST TO THE ADMIN, BUT TO THE PLAYERS YOU WRONGED. DON'T DO THAT SHIT AGAIN. IF YOU'RE CONVINCINGLY REMORSEFUL, THEY MIGHT TAKE MERCY ON YOU. JUST DON'T DO THAT SHIT AGAIN, *DUMPTRUCK*.

## TURD STEP

*SO YOU FUCKED UP AND GOT BANNED LIKE THE COCKEYED RETARD YOU ARE, HOW TO APPEAL*

YOU GOT BANNED. FIRST. LOOK AT SOME FACTORS

1. HOW LONG IS THE BAN? IF IT'S LESS THAN A DAY, **WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU EVEN APPEAL IT?** IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A **FUCKING COLICKY INFANT** SHITTING ALL OVER THE BOARD AND TRYING TO STIR UP A FIGHT. SIT OUT FOR A COUPLE HOURS, YOU *TITHEAD* (or join another server).

2. DOES THE LENGTH OF MY BAN REASONABLY CORRESPOND TO THE SEVERITY OF MY ACTIONS? IF YOUR BAN IS TOO SHORT, THANK THE ADMIN FOR BEING LENIENT, **DON'T FUCK UP AGAIN**, AND PLAY ANOTHER GAME FOR A WHILE, *YOU NERD*. IS THE BAN TOO LONG? MAKE A THREAD ON FNR. PROVIDE LOGS. ACCEPT FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR BEING A SHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE, BUT, DO YOUR BEST TO CALMLY PRESENT YOUR SIDE THAT YOU FEEL THE BAN IS EXCESSIVE. IF YOU DON'T GET A RESPONSE OR GET REJECTED, ACCEPT IT AND WAIT OUT YOUR BAN INSTEAD OF TRYING TO START A SHITSTORM, CUMQUEEN. IS YOUR BAN *JUUUUUUST* RIGHT? WELL, CALM YOUR TITS AND TAKE A WHILE OUT OF BEING A WASTELAND MANIAC. IT'LL GO BY FASTER THAN YOU THINK.

## 4STEP

*IM A **FUCKING MORON** WHO GOT PERMABANNED, DOCTOR, PLEASE HELP ME FIGHT THE ADMIN CONSPIRACY!*

WOW, YOU MUST BE A *FUCKING IDIOT* IF YOU GOT PERMABANNED. LUCKILY CRAG IS HERE TO HELP YOU OUT. REMEMBER ALL THAT SHIT I SAID ABOUT ACCEPTING PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY AND TRYING TO ACT LIKE A REASONABLE ADULT IN YOUR APPEALS? **WELL REMEMBER THAT SHIT**, BECAUSE YOU SHOULDN'T MAKE AN APPEAL RIGHT AWAY. TAKE A VACATION. A COUPLE MONTHS AT THE LEAST. THEN MAKE YOUR APPEAL. DON'T FORGET TO APOLOGIZE FOR BEING SUCH A *FECAL FERRET* THAT YOU GOT PERMA'D.

## *BUT, CRAG, I WANT TO PLAAAY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOW **T\_T** WAH*

**FUCK OFF**. SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE, THE GAME BECOMES MUCH MORE ENJOYABLE AFTER TIME OFF. IT'LL NOT ONLY BE FULL OF NEW FEATURES, NEW FRIENDLY FACES, AND PROBABLY A STUPID ABORTION OF A GAME MODE, BUT PEOPLE WILL FORGET HOW MUCH OF A *FUCKING TIT* YOU ARE AND BE MUCH MORE SYMPATHETIC AFTER A FEW MONTHS. IF YOU ARE THAT MUCH OF A FUCKING ADDICT TO SS13, YOU'RE A *SPINELESS CUR* AND I WIPE YOU FROM MY HEEL LIKE THE *CLUMP OF SHIT* YOU ARE. BUT THERE ARE OTHER SERVERS. GO PLAY ON THEM, DON'T BREAK THE RULES, BE A COOL, FUN GUY. THEY MIGHT NOT BE BAD DEATHCLAW, BUT YOU CAN STILL PLAY CORE ROBUST GAMEPLAY. FURTHERMORE, SOME OF THE SERVERS HAVE A LARGE CROSSOVER OF USER COMMUNITIES. IF YOU PLAY ON ANOTHER SERVER FOR A WHILE AND DON'T ACT LIKE A *LLAMA RAPIST* AND BE HELPFUL, COOPERATIVE, AND FUN, YOU MIGHT GET SOME PEOPLE WILLING TO VOUCH FOR YOUR EVENTUAL UNBANNING.

## Final words

REMEMBER, DEATHCLAW. NONE OF US IS AS BAD AS ALL OF US. WE ALL NEED TO WORK TOGETHER TO MAKE THIS GAME ENJOYABLE, BECAUSE OTHERWISE IT JUST TURNS INTO *A BUNCH OF AUTISTS CRYING OVER A POORLY CODED BYOND GAME.*

Written by Super Aggro Crag, the best player.