Robeson - Transcript

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Chapter 52- Robeson

Angle on Ex-Lord’s hideout. Cut inside to see Jameson exiting his bedroom. Robert is cooking breakfast

Jameson (yawning)

“Woof, I had a hecking weird dream last night...”

Robert

“You too? Mine involved unicorns, I’m ending that sentence there, you were better when you were asleep”

Jameson

“Yeah yeah, what’s for breakfast?”

Robert

“Oats... again... it’s all you eat...”

Jameson

“I need to be strong boy!”

Robert

“Right, but also maybe you should consider the fact that... that literally can’t be good for you...”

Jameson

“It’s oats... oh get this! My muse spoke to me again last night, and I was struck with inspiration! Hear me out, giant robot!”

Robert

“We’ve been over this, it’s not in the budget, no matter what”

Jameson

“But I waaaaaant it!”

Robert

“Gee, that changes everything”

Jameson

“Really?”

Robert

“No you idiot! Lord, you are so annoying!”

Robert’s phone rings

Robert

“Ugh, hold on. What?”

He listens for a moment

Robert

“Fine, I’ll be there... bye”

He hangs up

Robert

“That was Carrow, apparently he has supplies ready for the raid. I’m supposed to go pick them up”

Jameson

“Ooh! Who’s Carrow?”

Robert

“You met him at the party remember? Really boring guy...”

Jameson

“Nope”

Robert

“Well either way, I should get going”

Jameson

“Yes! Can I come?”

Robert

“No”

Jameson

“Why?”

Robert (sarcastically)

“Let’s think for a moment shall we?”

Quick montage of Jameson breaking Robert’s expensive stuff

Robert

“You’re essentially a walking cyclone of calamity. You cause strife wherever you go, and cause- holy cow I can’t leave you here alone can I?”

Jameson

“Nope! You’re stuck with me! Ha!”

Robert

“Fiiiiiiiiine, you can come! GAH!”

Jameson

“You won’t regret this”

Robert

“I really want the world to end today...”

Intro plays

Angle on Randoms Tower, cut inside and Malcom is pacing in his bedroom. Shade, Anne, Paul, P-Sauce, and Safety Ninja enter

Malcom

“Hello gentlemen... I’ve discovered something... our current foe, Ex-Lord? He’s none other than a scandalous traitor known as Carl Franklin! My old head scientist, Randoms Elite member, and close friend. He faked his own death, and started a weapon selling empire! Now, this fight is more important, it’s personal. I’m fighting a friend...”

The others stay quiet

Paul

“Ehmm... why though?”

Malcom

“Because- uh, well I didn’t deduce a particular reason, no...”

Safety Ninja

“So this is a waste of time?”

Anne

“Looks like it”

Malcom

“No! You four are my best employees! My closest allies have designed defenses for the tower! You will each face a task designed by a particular Randoms Elite member. If you complete the tasks, I’ll personally see to it that you get a pay raise, and half off in the gift shop”

P-Sauce

“Half off?”

Shade

“Ooh! I’ve had my eye on this mug for months, it says ‘best boss.’ Guess who I’m getting it for?”

He elbows Paul

Paul

“Aw Shade! That means a l-“

Shade

“Malcom!”

Paul

“Oh, he’s okay I guess-“

Malcom

“People! Gah! Follow me, your first challenge was designed by the most demented mind I know!”

Tiny Turret floats up

Tiny Turret

“That’s me right? Taking that as a yes, follow me!”

Malcom smirks evilly, as the employees follow her

P-Sauce

“This’ll probably be fine right?”

Paul

“Of course!”

Anne

“It won’t, we’re all going to die”

Safety Ninja

“Not if I die to save you!”

Anne

“Not if I die to save you first!”

Shade

“I’ll die to save everyone!”

P-Sauce

“That would simplify it”

Cut back to Robert Eager and Jameson, approaching Porta City limits

Robert

“Now that my identity has been revealed, we’re going to have to be careful in the city”

Jameson

“I don’t! I’m completely innocent!”

Robert

“You are aware you’ve been wanted for twenty years”

Jameson

“I was?!”

Robert

“Yep, the police never bothered with you because Malcom always thwarted you before things got dangerous”

Jameson

“Oh... umm... hmm... I’m not sure how I feel about that”

Robert

“Bad I hope”

Jameson

“No, just like... like I’m a pathetic failure”

Robert

“Ah, feeling truthful! Wonderful!”

Jameson

“Why are you mean to me?”

Robert

“Because due to your idiotic powers I was usurped from my position at the top of the criminal chain! I’m supposed to be in control! I’m the bringer of order, and-“

Jameson

“But that’s dumb! There’s no need to be such a Malcom due to it!”

Robert

“Don’t mention Malcom to me! I have more history with him than you could ever dream”

Jameson

“Pssh! I’m his arch enemy, get bigger than that”

Robert

“How about best friends?”

Jameson shuts his mouth

Jameson

“Mmmmmm”

Robert

“Moving on”

They enter the city, and immediately duck inside a laundromat

Jameson

“You were Malcom’s friend? But I thought you hated him!”

Robert

“I... do... now...”

Jameson

“But... what made you hate him if you were best friends?”

Robert

“Well... uh... it doesn’t matter!”

Jameson

“Seems really important”

Guy in the laundromat

“Aren’t you two wanted criminals?”

Jameson

“(Whispering) I got this”

Robert

“No you don’t-“

Jameson

“My good friend Robert Eager here? He’s the richest man in Porta! He can buy your house!”

Guy in the laundromat

“Uh, no, he’s not... he got bought by Malcom?”

Jameson

“Oh... right... he was?”

Robert

“I LITERALLY HAVE TOLD YOU THAT! I DIDN’T THINK IT WAS POSSIBLE, BUT YOU ARE SOMEHOW A YEAR AND A HALF BEHIND! YOU HAVE REACHED NEW LEVELS OF NONSENSICALITY!”

Jameson

“Huh... that’s cool”

Robert

“No! It’s not!”

Jameson

“It really is”

Robert

“Let’s just go!”

They run out the side entrance, as the guy pulls out his phone

Guy

“Hello police? Yeah, two super wanted criminals”

Robert and Jameson are running down alleyways, when they hear sirens

Robert

“No no NO! GAH!”

Jameson

“Whoa, calm down!”

Robert

“No! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING! I could’ve played it off, you? No, had to mention my LITERAL name! Now the entire police force will be on my tail!”

Jameson

“Sorry, we got this! We just need to navigate Porta City, and be smart about it!”

Robert

“Okay, let me think... I believe there’s a subway in that direction... we could use the tunnels to traverse without police interference... (loud sirens) perfect! Let’s go!”

Jameson

“Sweet! Bros on the lam! Let’s do it!”

Robert

“Ugh”

Jameson

“This is fun, we should do this more often!”

Robert

“Not beyond bare minimum”

Cut back to Randoms Tower, the employees enter Tiny Turret’s task room

Tiny Turret

“Alright, so you just have to get to the door on the other side of the room, have fun don’t die”

P-Sauce

“We won’t die... right?”

Anne

“Oh no, we’re gonna die, I CAN’T WAIT!”

Safety Ninja steps forward, and a dagger flies out of nowhere

Safety Ninja

“Uuuuummm, nope!”

Suddenly, daggers are flying everywhere

Tiny Turret

“Have fun!”

Malcom

“Nice work guys”

Paul

“This can’t be legal!”

Shade

“Hot dingos, no it can’t!”

P-Sauce

“Agh! One hit me in the leg!”

Safety Ninja

“My pancreas!”

Anne

“This is amazing!”

Tiny Turret just watches

Tiny Turret

“Yeah no, they suck...”

Cut back to Jameson and Robert, now in the sewers

Robert

“Alright, we’re mere hours away from Carrow. We just need to avoid further police interference”

Jameson

“Got it Exy! But how?”

Robert

“I have several ideas, mainly STAY QUIET!”

Jameson

“Why’d you shout then?”

Robert

“For emphasis, never mind!”

Jameson

“Okay, you’re the boss! Except you’re not, I am”

Robert

“Right..”

They keep walking

Robert

“Can I ask you something?”

Jameson

“What?”

Robert

“Well... how are you so bold? I betrayed Malcom, horribly... yet you? You got betrayed by Malcom... it’s not that similar actually, never mind”

Jameson

“I’ll answer! Determination! I made my life’s goal taking down Malcom, so now it’s all I work to!”

Robert

“Oh... right, you’re an idiot, guess you don’t-“

Jameson

“But... I admit, the brief time I was working there again? It was nice... sometimes I think, maybe... but no... I’ve come too far...”

Robert

“You have?”

Jameson

“Yeah, definitely”

Robert

“Well, if you’ve come too far... I definitely have...”

Jameson

“Hey, I could try and listen if you wanna talk about it... keyword is ‘try,’ I have a very short attention span- HOLY COWN BEANS!”

Robert looks over as Jameson jumps into a bucket of beans

Robert

“What’s that doing here? Wait a minute...”

Robert looks up, a manhole is above him

Robert

“Here, let me stand on your shoulders”

Jameson

“Beans are delicious!”

Robert

“Jameson! Shoulders!”

Cut above the manhole, which turns out to be the backroom of a spice shop

Robert and Jameson climb out

Robert

“Excellent, I recognize this place-“

Jameson

“I lived this place”

Robert

“We’re close to Carrow!”

Jameson

“Great! Let’s go!”

Jameson cuts in front of Robert, and steps outside... springing a trap...

Jameson

“Eep!”

Robert ducks behind something, as a cop jumps out from behind the counter

Cop

“Gotcha! You’re gonna get a raise Officer Murphy! Yay!”

Jameson

“Let me go!”

Cop

“No way, you’re criminal number one! You’re planning on bad stuff, and I’m sure Malcom wants to know! Yeah!”

Jameson

“Uh-“

Cop

“There’s no reception in here, so I’ll be right back. Gotta call my superiors”

He exits

Robert pops out

Robert

“How did they know we’d be here?!”

Jameson

“No idea”

Robert

“Wait a minute, what’s that on your ankle?”

Jameson

“I dunno, what?”

Robert grabs it, then growls

Robert

“It’s a TRACKING DEVICE! You lead them right to us! You’re such a disappointment, GAH!”

Robert starts walking off

Jameson

“Wait, Exy! Aren’t you gonna... cut me down?”

Robert

“What?! You’ve gotta be kidding!”

Jameson

“Aw come on! Please?”

Robert

“All you’ve done all day is slow us down! You’re on your own!”

Jameson

“I wuv you!”

Robert stops

Robert

“Ugh... let’s make this quick...”

Cut back to Randoms, the cast exits the dagger room

Tiny Turret

“You lived! Barely, okay whatever, Jessie’s waiting in the next room”

P-Sauce

“Oh c’mon, what’s the worst Jessie could do?”

Paul groans

Anne

“I loved that”

Hard cut, Anne is falling through a void of death

Anne

“I HATE THIS!”

She holds her mouth shut, turning green

Paul

“Who conceived this?!”

Shade

“That guy”

Jessie is floating, watching

Jessie

“Guilty as charged!”

Paul

“You deserve death!”

Jessie

“Meh”

Cut back to Robert and Jameson, now running across the street, at lightning pace

Robert

“We’re so close, JUST PUSH THROUGH!”

Jameson

“I’m tired! Leave me to die!”

Robert

“No!”

The police cars pass them

Robert

“You’ve gotta be-“

They all park, barricading the street

Jameson

“Well, we’re dead”

Police Chief (megaphone)

“Put your hands up! We have you surrounded!”

Jameson

“Eeeeegh... any ideas?”

Robert

“Well... no... you?”

Jameson

“But I screw things up!”

Robert

“A bad idea is still an idea!”

Jameson

“Gotcha!”

Jameson pulls out a top hat, hands Robert a sheet of paper, and starts dancing

Jameson

“Did you memorize that?”

Robert

“Uh-“

Jameson

“Good!”

Upbeat jazzy music starts playing, as Jameson begins dancing, and Robert just stares

Jameson

“So I admit I’m kind of a bad guy-

But when villains work together we can touch the sky!”

Robert groans

Robert

“We’re gonna usurp Malcom, nothing you can do-

He’s gonna get destroyed, we’re gonna start anew!”

Both

“We’re a couple of frenemies, a duo of diabolical rivals!

We’re a couple of frenemies, we’re gonna have the most evil of revivals!

He and I, we don’t have strong feelings whatsoever, we’re a couple of frenemies, until the eeeeeeeeeend!”

Jameson scats a little more, than the music stops with a flourish

The cops stand still

Police Chief

“Arrest them”

Jameson

“Well, didn’t wanna have to do this”

He lifts up the scepter, blasting the police away. Their cars are destroyed... the police lay in the ground, unconscious or... in some cases... dead...

Robert

“What the- Jameson, how did you?”

Jameson

“I dunno. Let’s go meet Carrow!”

Jameson’s struts off

Robert remains and looks at the massacre, uneasily. Then follows Jameson, briskly

Cut back to Randoms Tower, the employees pop out into Malcom’s office

Malcom

“So, how’s it go?”

Paul

“I can’t feel my legs”

Anne

“We’re lucky to be alive”

Malcom

“Dang straight! Guess our security isn’t good enough”

Safety Ninja

“Ricardio’s challenge was literally just, push the button...”

Malcom looks furious

Malcom

“Not surprising, but still irritating. Ah well, good job”

Cut back to Robert and Jameson, who are now finishing up their deal with Carrow

Robert

“Pleasure doing business with you”

Carrow

“Take out Malcom for me”

Robert

“I will”

Jameson

“Yes! We did it!”

Robert

“Speaking of which... Carrow can you drive us back to HQ?”

Carrow

“I don’t see why not... the weapons are in the truck anyway”

Robert

“Perfect!”

They climb in the car, as sitcom outro music swells. We then get credits poking fun at 90s sitcoms. Reading

“Starring!”

“Jameson Mameson”

“Robert Eager”

“Carrow”

“Officer Murphy”

THE END