Fiona vs. Beast

## Description

*The fur will fly as this prince and princess slug it out. But who will achieve a happily ever after in this royal rumble?*

## Interlude

Hiro: "Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder." An old saying with a lot of truth behind it. And nowhere is that more true than with these two.

**MBStarscream: Fiona, DreamWorks' cursed ogre princess...**

Hiro: And the Beast, Disney's cursed monster prince. I'm Hiro Hamada.

**MBStarscream: I'm MBStarscream.**

Hiro: And it's our job to examine both warriors' strength, abilities, weapons, and weaknesses to see who would win in a fight.

## Fiona

Hiro: Once upon a time, a beautiful princess was born to King Harold and Queen Lilian in the kingdom of Far Far Away. But young Fiona harbored a terrible curse: By day, she was a lovely woman, but by night, she was a hideous ogre.

**MBStarscream: Desperate to break her curse, her family struck up a deal with a Fairy Godmother: They'd lock Fiona up in a tower guarded by a fearsome dragon and wait until the day her one true love, intended to be the Fairy Godmother's son, would save her and break her curse. Forget daycare.**

Hiro: And so they did. For years, Fiona remained in her tower, waiting to meet her Prince Charming. But of course we all know how THAT went.

**MBStarscream: Sing with me Hiro. (singing loudly) THEN I SAW HER FACE! NOW I'M A BELIEVER!**

Hiro: While not the *initial* plan, Fiona's curse was broken, and both she and Shrek happily wedded. Of course, while she is now permanently an ogre, it does come with a lot of benefits. Much like her husband, Fiona's physical strength far exceeds that of a normal human's. She can lift trees three times her own size, threw a mermaid a great distance into the ocean, can send fully grown men flying, and even held and spun a ball so heavy three ogres were needed to throw it. Three!

**MBStarscream: Fiona's also pretty fast; she's** **able to jump around opponents and dodge enemy attacks at surprising speed, and can preform complex moves in battle. And thanks to her ogre physiology, Fiona is considerable more durable than a normal human. While sparring with Shrek in the fourth film, she took a punch to the face from the larger, stronger ogre, and continued fighting without serious damage.**

Hiro: But not all of her skills stem from being an ogre. Fiona is a master in both armed and unarmed combat, capable of defeating entire groups of armed men and can easily keep up with Shrek in a sparring session. Not only that, she can also freeze time Matrix-style, and is fully aware of these events. However, people who are aware of these slow mo's can bypass them.

**MBStarscream: Even her singing voice makes for a deadly weapon. Just ask the poor birds who friggin' *explode* listening to her high note. By God, how does Shrek listen to that?**

Hiro: Fiona isn't just all punches and kicks though. She carries shurikens powerful enough to send opponents flying for long range attacks, and even her hair can be useful in combat; Fiona used it to knock out one of Robin Hood's merry men while fighting them.

**MBStarscream: She may be a princess, but she is far from the Disney standard. She's defeated groups of armed men, successfully led a prison break while pregnant, led a resistance of ogres in an alternate reality, and was successful in finding her true love and breaking her curse, even if that true love wasn't the first person who came to mind.**

Hiro: But despite the whole princess image that pop culture likes to put into our brains, Fiona is not flawless. She's been restrained and captured several times, has been implied to be vulnerable to sharp weapons like any other ogre, and while she is still plenty tough in her human form, larger people like Shrek are able to simply just pick her up and carry her away.

**MBStarscream: Can I also mention that she had no purpose to the third film's story, like, at all? She's just Baby Mama in that movie. She gets nothing. She loses. Good day, sir.**

Hiro: However, Fiona isn't just some damsel in distress. For anyone wishing to kidnap her, you just might want to reconsider.

*Fiona: I want what every princess wants. To live happily ever after...*

*Shrek smiles and leans in to kiss her to seal the spell, but Fiona stops him.*

*Fiona: ...with the* ogre *I married.*

## Beast

Hiro: Many years ago, the Prince named Adam was a handsome young man, but also selfish, unkind and spoiled. He lived in a luxurious castle in France and had everything he wanted. One night, on Christmas Eve, his kindness was put to the test when a beggar woman came to the castle and pleaded for shelter from the freezing cold and rain, with a single rose as payment.

**MBStarscream: Repulsed by her haggard appearance, he sneered at the simple, but beautiful gift, and turned the woman away. But this would bite him hard when the woman revealed that she was in fact a powerful enchantress in disguise. Seeing how empty Adam's heart was, she gave him the worst of all curses as punishment.**

Hiro: His castle was transformed  into a dark, foreboding place, its lush green grounds into dark, misty, wolf-infested woods, and the good-natured servants into anthropomorphic household objects to reflect their different personalities. And Adam himself would become a terrifying Beast.

**MBStarscream: The rose the Enchantress had given him was enchanted, and it would bloom until his twenty-first year. She had told him that if he could learn to love another and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken, but if he failed, he would be doomed to remain a beast forever. But being a beast isn't all bad, given the abilities you get with it.**

Hiro: The Beast possesses tremendous strength, as he is able to pick up and carry full-grown men like Maurice and Gaston and not only lift but also throw large oak wood furniture when enraged, such as banquet tables and Forte's keyboard and allowing him to leap several feet in a single bound in terms of height and distance. He also was able to destroy furniture in a single chop, especially when he was enraged.

**MBStarscream: Similarly, his strength was also such that slamming a door can cause destructive waves to occur several feet away, as evidenced by his reaction after Belle refused to dine with him: After Beast stormed back to the West Wing, he slammed the door to the hallway with enough force to actually cause portions of the ceiling to collapse above Lumière, Cogsworth, and Mrs. Potts. His forcefulness of opening a door can also cause powerful gusts that can extinguish the flames in a fireplace, as evidenced by his on-screen debut after the prologue when he burst into the room Maurice was in.**

Hiro: The Beast is able to move faster than ordinary humans. He has been seen running into the woods on two different occasions and arriving just in time to save Belle and is able to climb and evade punches and blows from weapons dealt from Gaston. He is also slightly more durable than normal humans, as seen when he has taken attacks from a pack of wolves, being shot by Gaston's arrow, and been blasted by Forte's magical energy, although feeling great pain and being knocked down from these attacks.

**MBStarscream: The Beast is able to heal faster from minor to moderate injuries than ordinary humans, such as bites and claw scratches from a pack of wolves within a few days and being able to survive to be in icy cold water and walking back to his castle in cold winter weather within a few hours. All five of his senses are animal-keen, and enabling him to track down Belle in the woods when she was in danger by scent and listening in on conversations from several feet away from other people.**

Hiro: However, even his enhanced senses, or at least sight, smell, and hearing, can be drowned out by a particularly deadly blizzard, as evidenced by his being unable to find Belle in a particularly severe blizzard in one of the Marvel Comics until a bushel of hollies hit him in the head and allowed him to trace her location in time.

**MBStarscream: The Beast possesses razor-sharp claws and fangs that enable him to rip through thick rugs and curtains as well as smash objects such as oak furniture to splinters when enraged, climb up and down the stone walls of his castle and bite down and hold objects. These, however, also proved to be a weakness, as his razor-sharp claws also resulted in books being shredded whenever he attempted to read them, as evidenced in New Adventures of Beauty and the Beast, when he attempted to read some poems, only for the pages to be shredded quickly. So he doesn't have to worry about papercuts.**

Hiro: The Beast was shown to be adept at stealth, keeping himself hidden without anyone being able to detect him in time. This was especially apparent when he managed to ambush Belle just after she discovered Maurice in the dungeon and confronting her again when she was just about to touch the Enchanted Rose, as well as easily surprising the pack of wolves pursuing Belle. He also managed to sneak up on Gaston by posing as a gargoyle, though the latter managed to detect the attack and strike back.

**MBStarscream: This is one formidable beast. He's defeated a pack of wolves, survived being in icy water and the subsequent walk back to his castle in cold weather, took blows from Gaston and ultimately defeated him in battle. But he still has plenty of shortcomings.**

Hiro: Beast has an extremely aggressive temper, can be overprotective of those he cares about, and can still die of mortal wounds like a normal person, as shown when Gaston fatally stabbed him when he wasn't paying attention to him. But by the end of it all, he was finally able to lift his curse and return to the society he was exiled from so long ago.

*Beast: This mirror will show you anything you want to see. Take it with you so you'll always have a way to look back... and remember me.*

## Fatal Fiction

*Mario flips a coin.*

Hiro: Well, this type of territory seems appropriate for these two characters of royal heritage. But only one can have a happy ending.

**MBStarscream: Beast should thank his lucky stars that this isn't the swamp. Shrek would not be a happy ogre.**

*Some random castle*

Nighttime had made its arrival, the moon doing its duty in the now black sky while thousands of stars twinkled. The woman situated in this castle was standing at the balcony, looking out at the moon. This woman, or rather ogress, was fairly muscular and had a heavy build, green skin, blue eyes, a round face, long red platted hair, and wore a dark green dress. The ogress, **Princess Fiona**, did nothing but stare at the sky, trying to acknowledge every star she could see. The nightly sounds was the only thing she could hear in the peaceful silence, which was just right for her at the moment.

So it was all the more startling when a crashing sound and a bellowing roar came from right behind the princess. Her heart racing, Fiona spun around to find the source of the noise, and found herself face-to-face with the monstrous creature that had smashed through a wooden door. This... thing had the head structure and horns of a buffalo, the arms and body of a bear, the eyebrows of a gorilla, the jaws, teeth, and mane of a lion, the tusks of a wild boar and the legs and tail of a wolf. With all of these features, it was no wonder that this animal was referred to as a **Beast**.

Fiona's fight-or-flight response went overdrive. She got into a martial arts stance as a silent warning, hoping that the monster in front of her would think twice about attacking, but Beast only growled at the challenging gesture. Crouching down and narrowing his eyes, Beast bared his teeth menacingly at Fiona, who was still breathing heavily and preparing herself to fight for her life. Prince and princess waited for the other to make the first move (One was especially anticipating when the other was going to take his next course of action) until one ran out of patience and went on the offense.

**FIGHT!**

Beast's lunge was countered when a palm thrust forward and planted itself into his nose, sending him flying back. As Beast landed on the floor, Fiona jumped towards him and kicked him in the forehead, knocking him further back. Getting up, Beast roared angrily and charged again, but Fiona sidestepped out of his way before he tackle her. She grabbed him by his back, lifted him over her head and tossed him away with surprising strength. Fiona then dashed up to Beast and started punching him in the face until Beast managed to push her with such force that she fell onto her back. Beast grabbed the princess by the throat, lifted her up and swung his hand at her face.

Fiona hit the ground with a scream of pain. She felt her cheek, looked at her hand, and gasped in fear when she saw her own blood on her palm. Then a pair of jaws clamped tightly around her arm, razor sharp teeth biting through her flesh as Fiona screamed again. Beast lifted Fiona off the ground with her arm in his jaws and slammed her down on the floor. Releasing Fiona's arm, Beast shoved her face into the floor and opened his mouth to bite her again.

*RIP!*

Beast howled in pain as he backed away from Fiona. He looked at his arm and saw a bald patch on it where a bit of his fur had been. He then stared at Fiona, who stood up and held her opponent's fur in one fist with a smirk. His fury quickly returning, Beast gave out an ugly snarl and charged at Fiona, swinging his claws at her head. Fiona ducked under every blow and kicked Beast in the chest, knocking him down. Fiona tried to jump on top of Beast, but he grabbed her by the feet and threw her aside. Fiona tried to get back up before Beast lunged at her and firmly placed his hand on her throat, pinning her as she coughed and struggled to escape his grasp.

Unable to escape, Fiona wrapped her legs around Beast's neck and turned to the right, managing to reverse their positions and pin Beast beneath her. As Beast thrashed to escape, Fiona landed blow after blow on his face until Beast placed his hand on Fiona's left side and pushed her off of him. He backed away, lowering his head as Fiona got up. Fiona saw Beast running in her direction and the air left her lungs as her opponent rammed right into her abdomen. Landing on the ground, Fiona put a hand on her stomach and groaned in pain. Beast circled around her as she lay, preparing to go in for the kill.

The ogress managed to stand to her full height upon recovering and looked Beast right in the eyes, the chimera glaring fiercely in return. Looking behind her, Fiona got an idea and smiled confidently at Beast, beckoning him with a gesture. The bestial prince, letting loose a ferocious roar, sprinted at Fiona to strike.

Fiona flashed a toothy grin.

Time seemed to come to a dead stop as Fiona jumped in mid-air, the camera spinning around her as she fixed her hair before her foot struck Beast square in the nose, knocking him out of the air. While he was on the ground, Fiona grabbed him and threw the prince into the air. Before he could hit the floor, Fiona delivered a powerful kick that sent him flying off of the balcony, his roars echoing as he plummeted. Her plan had worked. Fiona walked over to the balcony and looked down to see Beast lying on the ground, having landed quite hard. That smile still on her face, Fiona jumped down and landed much safer on her feet.

Beast attempted to get back up before Fiona turned him upward with her foot, grabbed his throat and lifted him off his feet. Drawing his fist back, Beast planted it in Fiona's face as hard as he could, forcing her to let go. Roaring loudly, Beast started slashing Fiona with his claws multiple times until Fiona managed to catch one of his blows and land her own. The two started exchanging blows/slashes until a roundhouse kick from Fiona knocked Beast down. Beast countered another kick from Fiona, throwing the princess aside. Fiona got to her feet and threw a shuriken at Beast, who dodged the projectile. He had no time to react to the next shuriken, which nailed him in the chest and sent him flying.

While Beast was down, Fiona darted towards him and assaulted him with a barrage of punches until Beast countered one of her blows and pushed her hard to the ground. Fiona brought her arm up as Beast snapped his jaws at her, his fangs sinking into her flesh. Wincing in pain, Fiona poked Beast in his right eye. Blinded, Beast covered his eye with both hands as Fiona got up. He was too distracted to notice Fiona walking up to him and spinning around, her braided hair smacking him across the head and sending him to the ground.

Beast looked up at Fiona to receive a kick to the jaw that sent him rolling away. As Beast stood up, Fiona unleashed another series of blows, then planted an uppercut into his chin that sent him flying upward and crashing to the ground. As Beast rolled onto his front, Fiona captured him in a headlock and held him tightly as he tried desperately to escape. Refusing to let him go, Fiona held on until she turned Beast's head to the right and a sickening crack was heard.

Instantly, Beast's eyes rolled back and he collapsed lifelessly at Fiona's feet. Fiona looked down at his corpse before wiping her forehead with a relieved sigh, having won the fight of her life.

**FATALITY!**

## Results

**MBStarscream: Guess Belle's gonna have to go with Gaston now.**

Hiro: This turned out to be a closer fight than expected. Fiona was the more formidable combatant, while the Beast was much better in the stealth category and had natural weapons that made him a difficult opponent for Fiona at first. But he was ultimately outclassed in every other way.

**MBStarscream: Fiona was stronger for a start, having lifted and moved far heavier items than the Beast has. She was also the faster of the two in an actual fight and had the Beast beaten in close quarters. And since she can withstand Shrek's farts and survived off a cliff into a river, she was also the more durable one here.**

Hiro: Fiona also had fewer weaknesses that the Beast could exploit, while it was the other way around for, well, the Beast. The Beast *did* fight a pack of wolves, Gaston and a magic organ, but none of those fights were really on the same level as Fiona's. The Beast was left gravely injured after his fight with those wolves, while Fiona didn't have a scratch from both her fights with angry villagers and Robin Hood's merry men. Plus, Forte's magic didn't have the knock back that Fiona's special attacks do, and Gaston isn't exactly on Fiona's level when it comes to speed and skill.

**MBStarscream: The Beast may have been a vicious opponent, but Fiona's strength, speed and combat prowess allowed her to take the victory. Looks like beauty has killed the beast.**

Hiro: Fiona wins.

## Advantages

### Fiona (Winner)

* Stronger
* Faster fighter
* More durable
* Better in hand-to-hand combat
* More unpredictable abilities