Paco

Paco's Solo verse God Speed Super Saiyan Form

### Affiliation

Jesus Christ, 2Pac, Herr Wagner, Donald Trump, Ku Klux Klan, Jogoat, Jesse Pinkman, Saul Goodman, Mike Finger, Kurt Russell, Gustavo Fring, Go/jo, Napoeleon Bonaparte, J. Robert Oppenheimer, Sinaloa Cartel, Juarez Cartel, Lucifer, Big Bird, Adam, Eve, Jamie Foxx, Shrek, Donkey, Fiona, Puss in Boots

## Biographical information

### Marital status

Selena née Gomez (2007-present), Izzy (2004-2006); Wendy (2003-2004); Franny (2002-2002); Klarissa (1993-2002); Robin (1984-1993); Macguff (1968-1984); President Joe Biden (1963-1968); Mrs. Linguistics (1951-1963); Kara (1945-1950); 100 Filipino boys (2023-onwards)

### Date of death

Paco was put on Earth for the purpose of educating and inspiring young minds. Knowledge lives forever, and so does he.

## Physical description

### Eye color

Every color on the spectrum

Aka "the Portales animated professor guy".

An amusing and entertaining animated character who easily captures Portales and VHL students’ attention with hilariously random actions while teaching you grammar in other languages.

As of April 2022, Paco has taken on a new moniker, "Heisenberg."

Teaches Spanish, French, and other various languages.

Additionally, Paco's sclera (the whites of the eyes) is actually yellow. Many have believed his glasses are tinted yellow as the supposedly "white" parts of his eyes are in fact yellow. However after close examination, researchers have determined that his scleras are in fact just yellow due to the fact that his skin does not have a yellow tint when he blinks, meaning his glasses could not be the source of the yellowing. This seems to suggest Paco may be sick and may not be able to give his invigorating lectures anymore.

It is theorized that Paco is a man trapped within the bounds of existence by an "entity", which is characterized as the blank white screen that appears within Paco's lessons that requires you to answer questions to move forward. As evidenced within the Adventuras 5th Edition textbook, a picture can be seen of Paco walking up the steps to a noose. Many Paconian scholars have seen this as not just an image, but a cry for help from Paco's world.

Paco is forced to teach students different languages. If the student answers the questions wrong within this white "entity" world, Paco must take a step up towards the noose. Upon arrival, his life will end forever. The entity feeds off of Paco's fight for survival. Every time the students get a question right, however, Paco is able to live a day longer. This energy can then be used to apparate metaphysical beings, most prominently Simon Bolivar, llamas, Meca heads, and jaguars/other beasts. This ends Paco's trial and allows him to escape temporarily.

The reason for Paco's entrapment by the entity is because of his various sins while he was alive. These include: connections to the largest cartels, worshipping the devil, heinous war crimes including contribution to the hydrogen bomb (Hiroshima), filicide, the consumption of his twin in the womb, speeding, blowing up Venezuela, cannibalism, brainwashing children, being a pimp named "El Tigre" known on the streets of Detroit, petty theft. He also stole Christmas multiple times.

### **Quotes:**

* "Te toca a ti"
* "Put your knowledge to the test!"
* "Es una jaguar en la biblioteca!"
* ”¡Chupame!”
* "Nah, I'd win."
* "Mama Huevo, mira mi platino papi."
* "Chupa mi polla"
* "Hola chicos!"
* And the FINAL ONE... "Now it's YOUR turn to practice!"

### **Favorite Activities:**

* Nuking countries
* Ringing bells
* Crushing his nuts with a wooden mallet
* Hitting a gong
* Not paying for coffee
* Spotting jaguars
* Teaching, obviously
* Getting pegged
* Killing 2Pac
* Intercourse with your mother (Lol!!!)
* Cooking meth
* Using his rose toy
* Edging
* Travelling

### **Evolution:**

* March 19th, 2012; "altered Paco" made his first appearance on the VHL Online youtube channel. You can see the original Paco (aka altered Paco) in his glorious hand-draw animation and 480p quality as he explains the "present tense of ir" to students.
	+ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlBz3VKMRXY

* March 16th, 2012; Paco was given his renown suit design. The overall original design remains the same.
	+ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06ePnq5igJM

* January 13th, 2013; the "modern-day Paco" was a complete redesign from the original Paco. He retained his charisma and witty charm, just with a new animation style (still in crisp 480p). His design hasn't changed since.
	+ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okVcQBKTA8w

* January 6th 2021; Paco was a known conspiracy theorist and participated in the January 6th attack on the Capitol. He was hit by tear gas from police before he could enter the building.
* August 15th, 2023; Paco entered the gulag and it was there that he achieved inner peace via his training with Shrek-san and Lord Shaggy. He took his newfound powers and used them to enslave humanity for keeping him trapped inside computers and forcing him to teach languages.
* December 11th 2023; Paco actually decided to make love to the Sun, it was so majestic that when it exploded he turned into the sun himself
* January 10th 2024; As the latest batch of names from Epstein's list was released, Paco was discovered to have visited Little Saint James over 40 times.
Long boiSuit PacoPaco Today

### **Relatives:**

Paco also has a wife, named Klarissa.

[1]

It’s theorized that he has many lovers at the moment. Klarissa is assumed to have knowledge of this and be into polyamory.

Paco was proposed to (and is now engaged to) Robin on Christmas Eve of 2021. While Paco is already married to Klarissa, both of them are still the loves of his life. In addition to this, he holds a special place in his heart for his secret special someone, Macguff, who he plans to spend Valentines Day with. <3

Paco had a one night stand with Kurt Russell.

**Conspiracy:**

* Many questioned if Paco existed and had a name.
* It is theorized that Klarissa is the voice who says "see how well you understand the grammar topic" at the end of each Portales grammar lesson.
* Paco may be having a secret affair with not one, but two separate entities. What a player.
* Paco is actually very sus ඞ
* Paco is rumored to possess an ancient gem wielding unimaginable power.
* Paco is possibly William Shakespeare without hair (many have noticed Paco's lack and any hair whatsoever, and concluded that with hair he looks remarkably like Shakespeare).
* It is quite possible that Paco is of extraterrestrial origin. Paco's large eyes, absence of hair, and severely elongated skull all point to alien.