The Talkin' Toot Cushion

This is a plush whoopee cushion that, when squeezed, produces a farting noise followed by a Carrot Topism.

## The Jape Routines

* Tummy Ache Trouble-Pretend to have a severe gas attack; squat down and squeeze your Toot Cushion, then come up to lip sync one of Carrot Top's silliest quips ever!
* Sore Finger Snickers-Hide The Talkin' Toot Cushion in the palm of your hand; pretend to have a sore finger and pull away its pain while you squeeze your hidden Talkin' Toot Cushion and lip sync one of Carrot Top's kookiest expressions!

## The Toots and Quips

1. (Long, wet and distinguished toot) Laughs are my secret weapon to stopping boredom!
2. (Powerful "raspberry" toot) That belongs in the humor hall of fame!
3. (Squelchy, squishy and squidgy toot) LOL, humour's a gas!
4. (Squeezy and squeaky toot) Get set for symphonic smiles and snickers!
5. ("Seismic" toot) I never hold back because comedy is the most awesome thing!
6. (Short and snappy toot) Brace yourself, mirth is about to strike!
7. (Cheeky and mischievous toot) Pardon me, I just tooted my way into your heart!
8. (Bouncy, brassy and boisterous toot) Smile big 'cause tooting is fun!
9. (Giggly and infectious toot) Giggles are contagious when you've got me on your side!
10. (Whimsical, silly and fluttery toot) Laughter is like pixie dust, it makes everything enchanted!
11. ("Mousy" toot) Tiny but mighty, everybody loves japes!
12. ("Foggy" toot) Entertainment's rolling in!
13. ("eggy" toot) I know what's cookin'!
14. ("goofy" toot) That brings out my playful side!
15. ("stretchy" toot) Wowzers, what a sidesplitter!
16. ("whiffy" toot) Phewww, what an aroma!
17. ("comical" toot) Talk about laughable whimsy!
18. ("zephyr" toot) Lighthearted and breezy!
19. ("Gust" toot) My toots are mind-blowing!
20. ("Breeze" toot) Uplifting and inspiring, just like a sweet ballad!
21. ("Rumble" toot) Hang tight for exciting windbreaks!
22. ("Alarm" toot) Why scream to get attention when you can have the one and only me, Carrot Top?
23. ("Barn owl" toot) That was a HOOT!
24. ("Cheese cutting" toot) That had maximum pull my finger power!
25. ("Wind breaking" toot) That clears the room like a spraying skunk!
26. ("Howling" toot) That's why I never blame pets for my toots!
27. ("Wallpaper peeling" toot) Who needs room redecoration when you've got me, Carrot Top?
28. ("Paint peeling" toot) Who needs a bedroom makeover when you've got yours truly, Carrot Top?
29. ("Turkey stuffing" toot) Deliciously stuffed with a chuckle and a chortle!
30. ("Custard" toot) I whipped up some creamy, dreamy fun!
31. ("Gloppy" toot) Delightfully messy, right?
32. ("Gloopy" toot) Wondrously sticky!
33. ("Salty" toot) Flavourfully funky!
34. ("Sugary" toot) What a sweet delight!
35. ("Greasy" toot) A slippery slide of wind to you from me!
36. ("Tearjerker" toot) Why get sad when I'm around?
37. ("Strawberry" toot) Fragrantly fruity, what a treat!
38. ("Elderberry" toot) Timeless and ageless at the same time!
39. ("Blackberry" toot) What a darkly delicious blackout of broken wind!
40. ("Blueberry" toot) Sweetly juicy, just like a healthy snack!
41. ("Goji berry" toot) Silliness is a superfood for the soul!
42. ("acai berry" toot) That's an energizing boost of gas to me!
43. ("Mulberry" toot) BERRY delightful; juice, anyone?
44. ("Chokeberry" toot) Tangy and comically cheery, all at the same time!
45. ("Gooseberry" toot) What a delightfully tingly toot!
46. ("Cloudberry" toot) Let the cloudberry smell float!
47. ("Huckleberry" toot) That's my pet toot, what a mischieviously sweet companion!
48. ("Salmonberry" toot) That was untamed, what a toot!
49. ("bilberry" toot) Comedy is the BERRY essence of joy!
50. ("tayberry" toot) Tangy and of course, delightfully vibrant!
51. ("Boysenberry" toot) BERRYLICIOUS belly laughs are coming your way!
52. ("Cranberry" toot) CRANK up the CRANTASTIC cheer and let's always remember that laughing is fun!
53. ("Banana" toot) Just peeling away the bluesy boredom!
54. ("Peachy peach" toot) Delightfully juicy and peachy keen!
55. ("Mango" toot) Tropically sweet and sunny, just like the shore!
56. ("Apricot" toot) Such delightfully tangy zest!
57. ("Plum" toot) I'm all set for PLUMTASTICALLY juicy hilarity!
58. ("Cherry" toot) CHERRYLICIOUSLY cheery!
59. ("Lingonberry" toot) Let the lingonberry scent linger!
60. ("Muffin" toot) Smells like snacktime!
61. ("Nervous" toot) Toots have feelings, too!