The Actual Grub

The Actual Grub is a grub that lives in comedian Greg Larsen’s bum. It first appears in Episode 9 where it describes having been in Ben's bum (not Greg's). Later in that same episode it is apparent that the Actual Grub at that time lived at Ocean Squirts after it appears in the third Ocean Squirts sketch.

The Actual Grub was born into a humble family with suspiciously ethnic origins (see Episode 18). The Actual Grub’s father was a cobbler who disowned the Actual Grub when it was revealed the Grub wanted to move into Greg's bum. The move to Greg's bum was part of a plan for the Actual Grub to ‘get a platform to talk to the world’. More of the Grub's origin story is revealed in Episode 97 where the Grub talks about its origins in the Yarra River whereupon it swam into Greg’s bum just before Greg’s arrest for swimming naked in the Yarra.  This prompted Greg to suggest ‘Born of the River’ as a title for the Grub’s memoir in Episode 97.

The Grub describes itself as an 'avid reader' and reviews David Mitchell's 'Cloud Atlas' in Episode 14 and in Episode 16 says it is reading Ottessa Moshfegh's 'My Year of Rest and Relaxation'. In Episode 23 it is reading *'*Slaughterhouse-Five*'* by Kurt Vonnegut and in Episode 26 'Conversations with Friends' by Sally Rooney. In Episode 34 the Grub is reading Walter Tevis's 'The Queen's Gambit'.

In Episode 12 we find out that The Actual Grub has an Order of Australia, something it ‘takes really seriously’ saying it wants to help kids that can’t read and 'kids that don’t have access to lollies’. In that same episode the Grub tells us about its best friend Daniel, who was a 'shit in a toilet' before being flushed. Another associate of the Grub is apparently Little Buggy Boy who we meet briefly in Episode 13.

The Actual Grub turns up in the Ocean Squirts Cheese Tasting Sketch in Episode 22 looking for briefcase of diamonds however the entire sketch seems very confused.

The Actual Grub phones in on Episode 23 because Greg has been unwell.  The Grub states it is actually looking for another place to live because it has read all the books in Greg’s bum.  It thinks it is is time for a change, and is looking for the bum of someone who has a good diet.

The Actual Grub makes a brief appearance in Episode 25 telling of a book it is reading about the Vietnam War.  It mentions it is friends with the Slinky Boy, who was also seen in the same bunker that that particular episode was broadcast from (immediately after the 2019 federal election).

The Actual Grub appears in Episode 26 revealing it is neither male nor female and actually prefers ‘it’ pronouns.  it also claims to have ‘titties’.

In Episode 28 the Grub is revealed to be the mole that has information about what really went down at Engadine Macca's. According to the Grub before it lived in Greg's bum it used to live in 'the arses of some of the most powerful people'. Unfortunately after the information gets out, Eddo is killed by the AFP and then the AFP and the AFP's boys take a trip in a magic schoolbus inside Greg's bum to kidnap the Actual Grub.

The Grub returns in Episode 31 after being tortured up in Canberra. It says that that it caught a ride down in the bum of a moustached man who then later rubbed bums with Greg.

In Episode 34 we hear how the Grub is in TV chef, Gordon Ramsay's bum while in Episode 38 the Grub tells us it has the power of time travel and once resided in Martin Luther's bum meaning it had a hand in the rise of protestantism. We also hear the revelation that Eddo once dated the Grub, before the left the Grub left her.

The Actual Grub has appeared in the Logie nominated television program 'The Secret Life of Grubs', seemingly playing a version of itself (see Episode 81). Musically, the Actual Grub also collaborated on the 2020 monster dance hit 'Everybody Say Grub' with Mary Seymour and Aunty Carol, apparently having recorded its vocals from inside Greg's bum, unbeknownst to Greg. It also briefly sang 'I’m just a little Grub but I know how to love' on Episode 33. The Actual Grub and Mary reunited for Mary's sitcom 'Full House' in Episode 99.8.

The Actual Grub revealed in Episode 88 that it was making a move to the publishing world, writing a motivational book called ‘The Grub’s Actually Up’.  In that same episode The Actual Grub also claimed to have COVID-19, which was slightly concerning for Greg, whose bum the Grub still lives in.