WITEAT

> *"Ghost skeletons were flying in all directions and on the ground and people were panicking and worse, dying."* - Angelwarrior09, 'Back in my world'
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## About

> *"'This is what I call I babe buffet.' Garfield said as he took turns thrusting his cosmic love katana into each of the fine females."* - The Garfield Bowl, by ShakespeareHemmingway
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WITEAT (Why is This Even a Thing?) is a series on Team's Twitch which featured the reading of horrible stories (mostly fanfiction) with random Photoshop antics and voice acting. Starring Kate, Stef, and Team's insanity, alongside other guests who vary in regularity. Bring bleach, razor blades, or both.

The series was a regular feature for a while, occurring every Saturday, but has died down in the past few years due to declining interest as well as having hit the bottom of the barrel with Casey Lee Anderson's awful, awful stories--as described below. The series still occasionally appears as an event stream, however, and it has been succeeded in some ways by other reading streams (usually of much better works) often under the WITNAT (Why is This Not a Thing?) banner, or for the TeamUDF Community Showcase.

## Worst of the Worst

> *"I can't handle this much information all at once" - Inspector Detector, the difficult enemy*
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Below are listed a large selection of the worst fics, stories, and unknown memetic entities that have been read on WITEAT. ***If you look any up, please don't harass or message the authors, many of these were written years ago and most are not actively heinous or dangerous.*** Bolded stories are semi-regularly referenced by the community or are otherwise particularly notable:

* **The Magic Bracelet, fairygal11**
* **Blood and Ink, Alex Flecher White**
* **Five Nights at Royal Prep, Enchanted Fanboy**
* Fleche de Lard, Redtop1995
* Death of Hannah Montana, Retroforce Studios
* The Ruler's Heir, DivineSpiritual
* My Sister and Me, theblindwriter95
* Yandere Bridge Guy, Jubbz
* Guided by the Light, theblindwriter95
* Finding a ghost's home, theblindwriter95
* Time Cube, Gene Ray
* The Box Ghost's Last Day on Earth, QueenAlicorn
* May I be Excused? (Full length), SonicCrazyGal
* Sofia and Hugo, theblindwriter95
* Down in the Dumps, LedTheWreck
* Whose Line Is It Anyway, Danny Phantom edition!, Lady Mayflower
* Banjo and Kazooie- The Lost Jinjo, Kooper the Koopa
* andersoncaseylee246's profile. The whole thing. They literally say hate crimes against LGBT people are good for them. I can't even.
* **Sofia the First is the Future Of Our World, andersoncaseylee246**
* Drunk messages to Team, Jheneah
* the difficult enemy, Rangerfan58
* **Battleganz, John A. Jenkins IV**
* The Adventure Of A Toon Animator, Stephanie Nova Rose Allen (Starring Stef!!!)
* Sofia and the swear word, theblindwriter95
* an adventure in hyrule, Danielman6
* **Danny Phantom vs The Kentucky Goblins, NeoMark**
* Blessed are the Cheesemakers, Sarah-Kate Lynch
* Strong Bad's Deal With The Devil, Ohfortheloveofpete
* Angelwarrior09's profile, Angelwarrior09
* Into a new world, Angelwarrior09
* Back in my world, Angelwarrior09

## theblindwriter95

> *"DON'T BE SOFIA!"* - theblindwriter95, ironically.
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A notably bad author, appearing multiple times on WITEAT, theblindwriter95 is considered one of, if not the worst, writer by the WITEAT crew. Theblindwriter is also a fan of Five Nights at Royal Prep, by Enchanted Fanboy (The Autistic Disney Fan on FF.net), which is also on the worst of list. Theblindwriter's fics are likewise favorited by Enchanted Fanboy. Both theblindwriter's Sofia the First fics (as well as Five Nights), feature lots of fetishisation (especially toddlercon) of the characters from Sofia the First, particularly the main character Sofia, who is, again, *a toddler*. The group was unable to finish either of theblindwriter's fics simply due to their offensive, sickening, and generally awful nature.

## Casey Lee Anderson

> *"why does this fucktard have nothing but barney videos"* - Gruntman on Casey Lee Anderson
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Also known as andersoncaseylee246, on May 6, 2017, Casey surpassed theblindwriter as the worst person that has been WITEAT'd. Outside of his statement that hate crimes are good for LGBT people, he also shows quite a bit of racism in his story "Sofia the First is the Future Of Our World." He also legitimately believes that Sofia the First is a depiction of the real future and that he is Sofia's Grandfather. He also shipped a self-insert character with Sofia (who is a young child) and in a video, was able to talk for several minutes on the history of girl's athletic pants. His story also contains his other self-insert (said to actually be him as he ascends to the throne of England which he renames 'Enchancia') marrying and impregnating another granddaughter named Gwen. He also describes his support for adult babies, stating that the practice is part of god's will and that god sees us all as adult babies.

In his story which, again, he says is the actual future, he finds a wishing well that he uses to become an omnipotent being--essentially god--although he also later states that he still fears god and worships Jesus. Once king, his first two decrees involve him setting age range laws for marriage just so a fanfic pairing he doesn't like can't happen and decreeing that nicknames must be gender specific, and identifiable as that gender (reconfirming his general sexism and transphobia).

The story also reveals a great deal of his psychological issues when his parents come to watch his coronation. We find out that they don't approve of his general insanity and he holds a great deal of bitterness over this, causing him to imprison them for some time. Eventually he releases them after a great deal of projecting (they basically apologize to him and admit how 'wrong' they were).

This guy should probably have his own article, but he also doesn't deserve it. Because AAAAA

Highlighted Readings

* Part 1
* Part 2
* Part 3

## Battleganz Quotes

During the reading of Battleganz, by John A. Jenkins IV (billed by its author as 'The Black James Bond') there were so many insane quotes that Stef suggested there be a section on the wiki. So now there is one.

* "Well, I don't know what the women's suffrage movement is doing, but I'm going to play some N64." - John [27]
* "John goes back to reading white supremacist websites, which don't show the naked ladies that his family hates so much." - Direction [34]
* "Look at me, I'm a big fat baby. My butt weighs three hundred pounds. I'm such a lady." - John [35]
* "Alright students. Welcome to Audio Editing. In this course, we will be studying some basic techniques of editing audio." - Audio Editing Teacher [49]
* "Ma, I know you're getting older, but I don't want to be this dysfunctional forever." - Carrier Pilot [55]
	+ "Well, are you still screwin' those hookers at the station?" - Carrier Pilot's mother [55]
	+ "No, not now. I'm a reformed hooker myself." - Carrier Pilot [55]
	+ "Well, you'll always be my son." - Carrier Pilot's mother [55]
* "Oops. It appears that I have a calorie deficiency. Where can I get a bunch of calories cheaply and quickly?" - John [56]
* "I'm right here. Beat me up. Or kill me. Do something! Don't just click in my freaking ear! What kind of men are you?" - John [64]
* "Should we tell the men to stop, uh, stop having sex? I mean in essence we're all brother and sister now, or...are we?" - Air Force General [74]
* "JOHN then reaches into his bookbag and pulls out his white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. He begins eating them right there in the computer lab. He then searches his favorite porn site Videobox.com. Methodically, he looks through all of the video listings, trying to find a gem." - Direction [78]
* "FORMER PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON is giving a speech at a speech to collegestudents. Hillary is not there." - Direction [78]
* "Native American men are still the only demographic that is more likely to commit suicide then, uh, yours truly." - Bill Clinton [79]

* "Google: Black Male Shortage." - John [87]
* "He makes it to the third fourth floor..." Direction [89]
* "Google search: I want these {the n-word} out of my city." - John [90]
* "Improvised moment." - Direction [92]
* Send somebody from the CIA to run him over." - James [93]
* "We've put a vial of acid in your tampon. Make him drink it." - Supervisor [97]
* "Remember, you are supposed to be a guardian of the white race. This is an intruder in your high-class community." - Supervisor [97]
* You know it's a shame I was beginning to enjoy having my ass thoroughly torn up three times a night." - Janet [97]
* "JOHN crosses to the south side of North Avenue and continues west toward home." - Direction [98]
* "The most powerful country in the world can't survive with a big black dick up its ass every second." - Carrier Copilot [100]
* "JOHN is walking down the street and he notices something different. The people in the cars are still snapping at him, but they have developed a new language to use it with. Called extralanguage, it is a bastardized form of English. The driver uses a special snap of the tongue to represent each syllable in the English language. Each snap comes with a special intonation that allows the user to further articulate their chosen word. The drivers are using this against him as he walks down the street." - Direction [101]
* "I'm actually blind in both eyes. And I don't understand English, only Chinese." - John [103]
* "I'm going to kill every white man on the planet and steal all of his women." - Shigio [111]