Information, We Want Information!

Information, We Want Information! is the fifth chapter in the Wombles One.

Madame Cholet opened her eyes.  She couldn’t see anything.  Her arms and legs were held tight.  “Help!” she shouted.  In a room next door Bungo smiled.  “Mr Class! She’s awake!”  The Classiest Window Cleaner came over and opened the door to Madame Cholet’s cell.  He looked menacingly at Madame Cholet.  “Where is Mrs Peel?”  Madame Cholet remembered Mrs Peel but just shouted “Get out of my kitchen!”  “I’ll ask again nicely but only once, where is Mrs Peel?”

Madame Cholet clamped her mouth shut.  Mr Class shrugged and sprayed her with a gas.  Bungo gasped.  “Please don’t hypnotise her again!” he pleaded.  “Bungo, Bungo, Bungo!  I’m not doing that!”  Bungo relaxed.  “OK then I’ll do it for you.” He gladly took the gas and sprayed it on Madame Cholet. It wasn’t gas.  It was red paint.  Madame Cholet looked less than pleased.  Mr Class offered her some milk.  She drank it.

“I’m sorry Madame Cholet, I didn’t know it was paint!  Do you mind?” “No!” shouted Madame Cholet angrily. “Are you sure?” Bungo asked “Yes! I am you lovely young womble!” she replied even more angry.

“Shall I let you go?” Bungo asked.  “No!” she shouted.  “OK” said Bungo and the Window Cleaners with Bungo drove out of the depot.  They were followed by a milk van with DreemyKreem Dairies written on it.  That was heading for the burrow!

Dr Keel was scared. Everything around him was in colour, but he was black and white!  “Why is everyone else colourful?” he moaned.  Suddenly he bumped into Tara King.  The bump turned her black and white!  She screamed.  Loudly. Very loudly.  “What are you screaming for?” asked Dr Keel, who was now in colour because of the bump.  “You’re a proper person now, but I have to be all colourful!” and he stomped off. “That was weird.” Said Tara, and went off to find Steed again.  Instead, she bumped into Catherine Gale.  “Another black and white person!” she said.  “This is SO weird!”  “But you’re black and white?”  Cathy was confused.  “I wasn’t a few moments ago!” said Tara.  That just confused Cathy even more.  Suddenly, a womble walked past, whilst trying to get out from a white sheet!  “The white dwarf!” Cathy leapt on them, and accidentally turned them black and white!  “What?  The grey dwarf?  Where did the white one go?”

A milk van drove up and offered Cathy a glass.  “Thanks” she said and drank it.  She handed the glass back.  “Did you enjoy it?” asked the milk man.  “No I didn’t” she said and smiled.  “Can I not have any more thank you?”  “Sure” said the milk man and gave her a whole pint.  “No thanks” said Cathy “I hated that.  I hate drinking milk.”  She walked off straight into Peter Peel who shot her with a dart.  “Who aren’t I?” Cathy asked him.

Peter had an evil grin as he answered “You aren’t me.”  Cathy replied “Of course I am you!”  Peter was confused.  “You are not me!”  “Oh!” said Cathy “I am not you?  If am not you then who are you?”  Peter slapped his forehead in despair.  Cathy slapped it in despair.  Miss Peel slapped it because she hated him.  Steed appeared.  He punched Peter’s forehead because he loved Miss Peel.  Tara ran up and kicked Peter because nobody else seemed to like him.

Peter just passed out. The Milk Man gave him some milk and threw him in the back of the DreemyKreem van.

Meanwhile Madame Cholet had worked a paw loose at the Classy Glass Window Cleaning Company.  She took out a hairpin and freed her other paws. She ran out to the street.  She was stopped by a womble under a white sheet. They took off the sheet, and they emerged to be wearing a golden coat.  “Good evening Madame Cholet.” He said.  “May I have some of that paint?”  Madame Cholet just shrugged, held a small pot under the dripping red paint and gave it to him.  “Thankyou.” Said the other womble, then went and poured to paint on something, then put the remaining on the end of a smaller thing, then came back and fired some kind of dart into Madame Cholet, then said to her, “Follow me.”  She did as she was told, and ended up following him to Yellowstone Park.

Bungo was busy writing. He was writing a letter.  This is what he wrote.

“Dear Mr Class,

Whilst I have loved being a Classy Window Cleaner, all good things must come to an end.  I hereby declare my resignation.”

It was popped into an envelope with “Resignation” in red ink and posted.  Bungo headed back to the burrow.  Unbeknown to him a man in a very tall black hat was about to pump gas into his room.  Bungo headed to bed.  He was drinking his hot acorn juice when the room went swirly.  He passed out.

It didn’t feel like long to Bungo as he woke up in a cosy apartment.  He was confused so decided to go for a walk to find out where he was. As walked around there were lots of people and wombles in 70s fashions.  Suddenly he noticed that he was dressed like a 70s womble.  There was a house with number two on the gate.  He went in and up the stairs.

“Hello!” he called as walked along a futuristic but dated bridge.  A ball appeared from the floor.  The ball turned around and it turned out to be a chair.  Seated there was a womble wearing a scarf.  The scarf had red and white stripes.  “Orinoco!” shouted Bungo joyfully “you’re alive!”

Orinoco replied without emotion “You are number 6.  I am number 2.”  Bungo asked “Who is number 1?”  Orinoco just repeated “You are number 6.  We know everything about you.”  “Well” said Bungo “you would because we are best friends.”  Orinoco ignored him.  “Except for why you resigned.  Tell me why! Information!  We want information!”

“Shut up!” said Bungo “Very well number 6 I will show you that it is just a matter of time.”  Orinoco showed him out to the park area near apartment 6.  A small womble ran to escape but a weird white balloon inflated, roared and chased the womble.  It squashed the womble and looked like it had eaten her. “Alderney!” shouted Bungo.

Bungo looked angry and turned to look at Orinoco.  But all he saw was a straw boater and red, white striped, scarf floating back across the futuristic but dated bridge.  “Huh?” he thought to himself, then felt like he was being cuffed round the mouth, but there didn’t appear to be anyone doing it.  And then it was like the air was carrying him, following the hat and scarf.  When they got into the room with the chair, the air that was carrying Bungo placed him on his feet, and put on a golden coat. The air wearing the golden coat saw that Bungo was trembling, so said to him, “Don’t worry number 6.  I am here, just invisible.  I am a womble, just like you, but my identity cannot be revealed to you, apart from that I am number 1.  Be seeing you.”  And he walked away, leaving Bungo stood absolutely frozen (Because of shock, not because of the window cleaners) looking at the straw boater and red, white striped scarf that were now sitting on the round chair.

The Wombatmobile parked up outside the burrow.  Wombat stepped out, and was immediately greeted by Wellington.  “Um, pardon me for asking Tobermory, but why are you all dressed up like that, and what HAVE you done to the Silver Womble?”  “I’m not Tobermory, I’m Wombat!” replied Wombat. “Uh, no, you’re definitely Tobermory.” Said Wellington, observing his face.  “Tsk, tsk, tsk.” Said Wombat, “Alright then, if you can work out the identity of a crimefighting womble, why don’t you become one yourself?”  “Um…” Wellington thought over what Wombat had just said.  He was thinking for quite a while, and eventually replied, “Oh alright then, but you’re making my costume!”

Wombat began by removing Wellington’s glasses.  Immediately everything became a blur, so Wombat gave him some contact lenses. Then he ran into the kitchen cut out some of the red table cloth whilst the workers weren’t looking, then ran off with it just before one of them turned around.  He fixed it on to Wellington as a cape.  Then he took Wellington’s hat and turned it into a catsuit with the W in the triangle on the chest of the suit.  He couldn’t find anything for a mask, so he disguised Wellington’s hair by giving it a curl at the front and dying it black.  “There you go!” he said when he had finished.  “You are now officially Super Womble!”