Cooler CA-2 Terminal Entries

## **CoolAir Evacuation Staging Terminal**

**Greetings, Coolermates!**

**If you are reading this message, it means you have been successfully thawed out of cryogenic sleep and are ready to lay down the foundations for a brand new civilization!**

**Now before you go running out into the great unknown, please take a moment to peruse this document: these few minutes could save your life and the lives of your fellow Coolermates!**

* **Evacuation Staging Areas**
* **Survival Tips & Hints**
* **Quit**

### **Evacuation Staging Areas**

**You are currently standing in the CoolAir Evacuation Colony's "Evacuation Staging Area." This area houses several meeting rooms and facilities related to your colony's field of expertise.**

**Though the CoolAir Evacuation Colony is stocked with enough food and survival supplies to last a few weeks, it is important for the continued survival of human civilization that you and your fellow Coolermates cooperate to create a sustainable and habitable world above.**

**The Evacuation Staging Area should be used to collaborate and draft up a comprehensive plan for surviving in the new world, and most importantly, making contact with other Cool Air Evacuation Colonies as soon as possible.**

**Consult the Survival Tips & Hints section for more info.**

### **Survival Tips & Hints**

**The CoolAir Evacuation Colony was designed to house the best and brightest members of society during a catastrophic event.**

**As such, the world above may be a much different place than you left it.**

**Please select the nature of your catastrophe:**

* **In case of a Volcanic Event**
* **In case of a Flooding Event**
* **In case of a Seismic Event**
* **In case of a Nuclear Event**
* **Back**

#### **In case of a Volcanic Event**

**In case of a Volcanic Event...**

**Be aware that magma is hot and should be handled with care. Avoid contact with skin, eyes, or hair, as burning may occur.**

**If you find yourself on fire, stop, drop, and roll. If a fellow Coolermate is on fire, verbally remind them to stop, drop, and roll. Please note that the effectiveness of stopping, dropping, and rolling is greatly diminished if immolation is the result of submersion in magma.**

**If cooled magma is preventing exit from the CoolAir Evacuation Colony, it may be necessary to drill your way out. If your colony is not equipped with a drill, please stand by while a fellow colony comes to your assistance.**

#### **In case of a Flooding Event**

**In case of a Flooding Event...**

**Be aware that during cryogenic sleep muscles may atrophy, so it is important to take necessary precautions before attempting to swim.**

**Also be aware that the CoolAir Evacuation Colony may be completely submerged in water. In this case, getting out may be very difficult, if not impossible. This should be a point of conversation with your Coolermates.**

**Lastly, be sure to collect any dirt or dust particles that may have been left behind by you or your fellow Coolermates as they may carry a high premium in an aquatic society.**

#### **In case of a Seismic Event**

**In case of a Seismic Event...**

**In case of an aftershock, locate the nearest desk and duck and cover underneath until the event has passed.**

**Be aware that street signs and roadmaps should be read with skepticism, as they may not accurately reflect the topography of the world.**

#### **In case of a Nuclear Event**

**In case of a Nuclear Event...**

**Prolonged exposure to nuclear fallout may cause mutations to occur. If such a mutation does occur, determine if your mutation can be used to benefit your colony. If it cannot, please submit yourself to your fellow Coolermates for immediate quarantine.**

**Additionally, roaches and other vermin may have survived the explosion and may provide a valuable source of protein when the colony's supplies have been exhausted. Roach farming is highly recommended.**

### **Quit**

**Goodbye, and good luck in the new world!**

**- Alistair Hubbard,**

**Founder, Alistair Research Labs**

## **CoolAir Presentation Projector**

**CoolAir Presentation Projector Controls**

**Make a selection below:**

* **Turn off projector**
* **Quit**

## **Administrator's Office Terminals**

### **Administrator's Personal Computer**

**Logged in as user SWIFT.**

* **Journal Entry: Those crazy Commie sons of bitches.**
* **Journal Entry: Killing machines**
* **Journal Entry: God damned**
* **Quit**

#### **Journal Entry: Those crazy Commie sons of bitches.**

**Those crazy Commie sons of bitches did it. They actually did it.**

**At approximately 0300 hours, a nuclear strike was made against Little Rock Air Force Base. Though we were unable to establish communications with the base, the method and nature of the attack are so undeniably sleazy that it could only have been perpetuated by our good friend Brezhnev and his pack of greaseball Commie lapdogs.**

**Needless to say, our retaliation was quick and it was fierce and, by golly, it was loud as hell. As American as apple pie.**

**All of top brass were ushered into this CoolAir Evacuation Colony; apparently these things were built in the 50's, but God damned the technology in here is a God damned testament to good ol' fashioned American ingenuity.**

**General Larry S. Swift**

#### **Journal Entry: Killing machines**

**San Diego's still being bombarded above ground. Thank God for this CoolAir shelter that we might rise from the ashes to kill whatever's left of those Commie scumbags what did this to our God damned fine country.**

**The weaponry we've got locked up in here, I'm told, is quite experimental, but I've been assured that it will give us a marked tactical advantage in the new world.**

**Militroids, they're called. Now color me a skeptic; it'll be the day when a bucket of bolts can out-maneuver and out-fight a God damned red-blooded American soldier, but those boys at Alistair Research Labs have put together a fine killing machine. Fine enough to kill a Commie dog anyways, ha ha!**

**Apparently, these Militroids will become activated once we've awoken from cryogenic sleep and will defend the shelter from any aggressors while our men regain their bearings.**

**General Larry S. Swift**

#### **Journal Entry: God damned**

**I've just received word that a communication was sent out from Little Rock shortly before the nuclear blast.**

**Apparently the nuclear blast that started this whole damned thing was caused by a God damned airforce greasemonkey accidentally dropping a socket on a God damned Titan-II and not the God damned Commie bastards after all.**

**The USSR was caught completely off guard by our so-called retaliatory strike and from what I've heard has been reduced to ashes.**

**Meanwhile, the rest of the world has responded to our unprovoked nuclear attack on the USSR with strikes of their own. It's the God damned Apocalypse up there.**

**Good Lord, what have we done?**

**General Larry S. Swift**

### **Cooler Administration Console**

**Welcome, SWIFT.**

**CoolAir Administration Console**

**Please select an option below:**

* **Diagnostics**
* **Quit**

#### **Diagnostics**

**Available diagnostics reports:**

* **CoolAir Cryogenic Chambers**
* **CoolAir NoLeak(tm) Airlock Door**
* **CoolAir FreshAir(tm) Atmospheric Regulator**
* **CoolAir AirLift(tm) Elevator System**
* **CoolAir Militroid(tm) Defense Systems**
* **CoolAir SpeakEZ(tm) PA System**
* **CoolAir Serpent Protocol(tm)**
* **Back**

##### **CoolAir Cryogenic Chambers**

**CoolAir Cryogenic Chambers**

**Status: DECOMMISSIONED**

**CoolAir Cryogenic Hibernation started successfully at 5:14:22 on 9/20/80.**

**CoolAir Cryogenic Hibernation completed successfully at 5:33:51 on 9/20/80.**

##### **CoolAir NoLeak(tm) Airlock Door**

**CoolAir NoLeak(tm) Airlock Door**

**Status: DOCOMMISSIONED**

**CoolAir NoLeak(tm) Airlock closed successfully at 22:14:22 on 9/19/80.**

**CoolAir NoLeak(tm) Airlock opened successfully at 12:01:03 on 5/17/87**

##### **CoolAir FreshAir(tm) Atmospheric Regulator**

**CoolAir FreshAir(tm) Atmospheric Regulator**

**Status: ONLINE**

##### **CoolAir AirLift(tm) Elevator System**

**CoolAir AirLift(tm) Elevator System**

**Status: ONLINE**

##### **CoolAir Militroid (tm) Defense Systems**

**CoolAir Militroid(tm) Defense Systems**

**Status: ONLINE**

**WARNING: Targeting data corrupted. Exercise extreme caution.**

**WARNING: Multiple threats detected. Entering full lockdown. Please remain in your rooms until lockdown is lifted.**

##### **CoolAir SpeakEZ(tm) PA System**

**CoolAir SpeakEZ(tm) PA System**

**Status: ONLINE**

##### **CoolAir Serpent Protocol(tm)**

**CoolAir Serpent Protocol(tm)**

**Status: ONLINE**

## **Cryochambers Terminals**

### **Securidisk Terminal**

**Scanning...**

**Securidisk detected...**

**Identity verified.**

**Welcome Administrator SWIFT.**

**Administrative Controls:**

* **Open Technology Chamber.**
* **Cancel**

### **Technology Chamber Terminal**

**Administrator SWIFT,**

**Welcome to the Technology Chambers.**

**Once the Coolermates have assembled, please deliver the attached speech.**

**Afterwards, please view the the Nation Foundation Manifest for more information on the Nation Foundation Kits provided to your CoolAir Evacuation Colony and facilitate the deployment of the aforementioned kits.**

* **Speech to Coolermates**
* **Nation Foundation Manifest**
* **(ADMIN) Serpent Protocol**
* **Cancel**

#### **Speech to Coolermates**

**"Greetings all, and welcome to the Technology Chamber.**

**Housed within these chambers are three Nation Foundation Kits, hand selected by the good folks at Alistair Research Labs.**

**On their own, each Nation Foundation Kit contains tools vital to our profession and our survival, but as a whole, these kits will provide a full set of tools to ensure mankind survives in the new world. As such, while it IS important for us to establish a base of operations in the new world, it is more important still that we use these tools to seek out our fellow Coolermates from other CoolAir Evacuation Colonies.**

**As your elected Administrator, I thank you all for your patience and cooperation, and wish us all luck in this exciting new world!"**

#### **Nation Foundation Manifest**

**3 available Nation Foundation Kit(s):**

**Make a selection below for more information:**

* **1x Fert-N-Fort Bag Kit**
* **1x My Buddy, Companion Kit**
* **1x Friendly Fire Gun Range Kit**
* **Back**

##### 1x **Fert-N-Fort Bag Kit**

**Fert-N-Fort Bag Kit**

**Bags of poop! Bags of poop! Step right up and get your bag of poop!**

**Usable for both fortification AND fertilization, Fert-N-Fort Bags are a hit with both armed forces AND farmed forces! Simply fortify your defenses with these heaping bags of heap and use what's left for a little light gardening on the side! When the shit hits the fan, you'll be glad it's just shit it's hitting!**

##### 1x **My Buddy, Companion Kit**

**My Buddy, Compandroid Kit**

**They say the brotherhood shared by soldiers is an unshakable bond, one that overcomes all adversity and inspires man to put their lives on the line for those they love.**

**But what if you're a big ol' No Friend Freddy?**

**Worry not, the My Buddy, Compandroid Kit is here!**

**With the new My Buddy, Compandroid Kit, now you, too, can have an unlikable, unsociable sidekick to sit there, emotionlessly killing everything walking into its line of fire! Seriously! This thing isn't programmed to do anything besides kill, kill, kill!**

##### **1x Friendly Fire Gun Range Kit**

**Friendly Fire Gun Range Kit**

**Practice makes perfect, but long hours of target practice at the firing range can make for an awfully lonely experience.**

**Not anymore! With the Friendly Fire Gun Range Kit, now you can practice alone... with friends!**

**Simply customize the Friendly Fire targets with photos of your friends and family and soon you'll be unloading lead into their bright, smiling faces! And who said there's no such thing as friendly fire?**

#### **(ADMIN) Serpent Protocol**

**As the Administrator of this CoolAir Evacuation Colony, you possess the sole discretion to enact the Serpent Protocol.**

**The Serpent Protocol is a fail-safe to be used only in cases of catastrophic failure, such as hostile takeover, by (a) ensuring the safety of humanity from extinction via the evacuation of you and ONE reproductive partner and (b) permanently sealing access to the Technology Chamber, preventing aggressors from using the Nation Foundation Kits for their own gains.**

**Information regarding the Serpent Protocol is to be kept STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL.**

* **About the Serpent Protocol**
* **Initiate Serpent Protocol**
* **Back**

##### **About the Serpent Protocol**

**The Serpent Protocol is a two-stage emergency CoolAir Evacuation Colony evacuation protocol.**

**Upon activation, the Technology Chamber is permanently sealed from the outside. This is to prevent the technology held within the Nation Foundation Kits from falling into the hands of potential aggressors and being used against the evacuees.**

**Activating the Serpent Protocol will also activate the two Evacuation Pods located within the Technology Chamber.**

**To ensure both the future survival of the human race and that the Serpent Protocol is not abused by a single Administrator, the Evacuation pods will not function unless the Administrator is accompanied by viable reproductive partner.**

**Once both Evacuation Pods are determined to be occupied by the CoolAir Evacuation Colony's main system, the Evacuation Pods will be launched at high velocity through the colony's exhaust port, and ejected into the atmosphere above.**

##### **Initiate Serpent Protocol**

**The SERPENT PROTOCOL has been activated. Please stand clear of the Technology Chamber doors.**

**The Technology Chamber has been permanently sealed and the Evacuation Pods are now open.**

**Evacuation will commence automatically once a subject has been detected in each of the Evacuation Pods.**

## **Personal Terminals**

### **Shoot the dish**

**Welcome to Alistair BBS!**

* **MESSAGE: Shoot the dish**
* **Quit**

#### **MESSAGE: Shoot the dish**

**From: pato.ca2**

**To: all.ca2**

**Subject: Shoot the dish**

**Don't waste your ammo shooting anywhere but the dish. These robots have got some sort of shielding that prevents smaller caliber rounds from doing any sort of real damage...**

**Bust the dish and their shields go bye-bye.**

**Pass this onto everyone you know, could save your life.**

### **The future of the United States Armed Forces**

**Welcome to Alistair BBS!**

* **MESSAGE: The future of the United States Armed Forces**
* **Quit**

#### **MESSAGE: The future of the United States Armed Forces**

**From: lars.ca2**

**To: all.ca2**

**Subject: The future of the United States Armed Forces**

**Gentlemen, in spite of what you may have been told, war has changed. And alongside it, the greatest army in the world, The United States Army, must also change if we are to stand up to the existential threat posed to us by our greatest enemy. I speak, of course, of Japan.**

**The Soviet Union is in terminal decline. There have been no festivities, but the Cold War has already been won. The glory is yours, each and every man and woman in our forces**

**Those who dedicated their lives to sitting in a chair, looking at a screen on which nothing ever happens, did so with honor and may take pride in their service.**

**Now we face the tough questions. What form will our next enemy take? When will we declare war upon them? What screens must we sit and look at in order to defeat them?**

**By the year 2000, the Japanese will have the largest economy in the world, of this there can be no doubt. Faced with an enemy who has ideologically and constitutionally renounced war in perpetuity, we will be faced with only one option: we must destroy them utterly in a bitter fight to the death.**

**Based upon my research of pay per view pornography options available at Misawa Air Base, we are preparing to face a country with a much greater population and birthrate than our own. As such, today I am announcing the central pillar of our future military and economic warfare strategy: we aim to revive the American technology and manufacturing sectors by developing and building autonomous fighting robots in order to compete with Japan's sheer manpower.**

**This is a program worth trillions of dollars to the American economy. We have received and activated our first platoon of robots within the base today. We can all sleep a little easier now, knowing that there are machines designed for killing amongst us, machines produced to the same exacting standards as our cars.**

**However, we shall not rest on our laurels and shall not be stopping there. Buoyed by the success of internal electronic mail communication, a 100% secure system free from tampering or spying, we are planning to transition military orders to this digital platform in the near future.**

**Sincerely, towards a greater future,**

**General Larry S. Swift**

### **Turn em off!!!**

**Welcome to Alistair BBS!**

* **MESSAGE: Turn em off!!!**
* **MESSAGE: RE: Turn em off!!!**
* **MESSAGE: RE: Turn em off!!! [Attachment]**
* **MESSAGE: RE: Turn em off!!!**
* **Quit**

#### **MESSAGE: Turn em off!!!**

**From: kilr.ca2**

**To: all.ca2**

**Subject: Turn em off!!!**

**Someone, get to the admins office and turn these damn robots off!**

**Pistols dont do jack against their armor. These things were built like tanks, but they gotta have a weakness SOMEWHERE**

#### **MESSAGE: RE: Turn em off!!!**

**From: fore.ca2**

**To: all.ca2**

**Subject: RE: Turn em off!!!**

**these things have heavy shielding. use rifles and explosives**

#### **MESSAGE: RE: Turn em off!!! [Attachment]**

**From: hard.ca2**

**To: all.ca2**

**Subject: RE: Turn em off!!!**

**no need for rifles when you put this badboy together... just need a pistol, some batteries, and some paperclips... cuts through their shields like a hot turn thru toilet paper.**

* **Download attachment**
* **Back**

#### **MESSAGE: RE: Turn em off!!!**

**From: kimm.ca2**

**To: all.ca2**

**Subject: RE: Turn em off!!!**

**turds dont do that bro**