1036/Wrong Things Quota

**Blurr has posed:**
    As Swivel exits the Red Guardian, she'd probably catch sight of Blurr also leaving, a sort of vacant look on his face; his posture sullen as dejected as he slinks off back toward Translucentia.

    A pair of eager admirers rush up to him as he's headed back toward the street, but he just...ignores them, darting past them easily just as he'd ignored everyone in the bar. They just sort of linger there for a moment, staring after him in a bewildered fashion before leaving.

**Swivel has posed:**
Swivel was just about ready to just slink back to her own quarters. Her shoulders were slumped and even her tires seemed somehow floppier than normal. However, when she sees Blurr skulking off, she straightens up. Quickly she looks around to make sure Hot Rod hadn't stormed out after her to continue his unwelcome verbal assault. Not seeing the mech charging out, Swivel picks up her pace and heads over to Blurr. "Blurr!" Swivel calls, unsure if he'd respond or not.

**Blurr has posed:**
    If it had been just about anyone else, Blurr probably wouldn't have spared even a glance back. But as it is, he pauses, and stares back at her. He doesn't exactly stop, but he does slow his pace a bit to let her catch up, sighing slightly. "What..." he mutters.

**Swivel has posed:**
Swivel dashes to catch up with Blurr while he is being generous enough to slow his pace. She pauses a moment at the question, then remembers Blurr's lack of patience. "I'm concerned about you."

**Blurr has posed:**
    "Really." Blurr responds. It's sort of a question, but sort of a wry statement at the same time. He keeps walking, though at least at a reasonably normal pace, but his gaze turns back to the ground, and he doesn't look back at her yet.

**Swivel has posed:**
Swivel continues to do her best to keep stride with Blurr, with rapid quick steps to compensate for difference in size and stride. "Yes. Really. But I thought after the way you reacted the last time I tried talking to you, you just wanted me to leave you alone for a while. Now I'm beginning to wonder."

**Blurr has posed:**
    "Mhm." Blurr mumbles, continuing to walk, his optics still fixed on the ground. A few awkward minutes pass, and he finally pauses again, turning his face upward slightly. "Are you going to tell me what you want, or not?" he asks impatiently.

**Swivel has posed:**
"I want to know what's wrong," Swivel says plainly, giving a small shrug as she continues to keep optics on Blurr, as well as looking around for any unwanted guests.

**Blurr has posed:**
    There's a long, tense pause. Blurr stares at the sky for a good portion of it. Finally, after about half a breem, he looks back to her. "Maybe this sounds crazy to you, but I'm tired, Swivel. Tired of trying to make everyone happy. You, Starlock, Hot Rod, First Aid, Hound...all of them. Tired of working so hard to be who everyone wants me to be, only for them to call me an aft..."

    He sighs again. "I'm starting to think that what I am is what I was made to be, and that maybe I should stop trying to be anything more than that. Because any time I do, I just make a mess of things. I just make people unhappy." He starts walking again, his pace a bit brisker, but not altogether impossible.

**Swivel has posed:**
This gives Swivel some pause. But when Blurr quickens her pace she scrambles after him. "But you can be more than what you were made to be. I know maybe you don't get a lot of encouragement. Even I forgot to let you know how much progress you were making, but you /were/ making progress. And I'm sorry I didn't stand up for you, but I kept thinking you'd, I don't know, you wouldn't want me fighting your battles for you. I wanted to see how well you handled yourself as a sign of your progress." Swivel sighs. "But it shouldn't matter entirely what I, or Starlock, or Hot Rod, or anyone else want you to be. What is it that you want to be? No. /Who/ is it that you want to be? And how can I help you be that person?"

**Blurr has posed:**
    "Well I guess I didn't pass your test." Blurr mutters.

    "I--" He makes a frustrated noise. "I don't know." he says honestly. "I don't know who I want to be. I've heard the whole 'what they think doesn't matter' speech, too. But I -can't- not care. It just always gets to me. Especially when I'm just trying to do what I -thought- would be for the best, but somehow, it gets turned into me being a total aft head. So the only explanation I can think of is that it's what they -wanted- to believe, they just needed some excuse to believe it."

**Swivel has posed:**
Swivel nods her head, as if expecting some frustration. Check. She glances over at Blurr. "I said entirely what others think. I care what others think too. If I didn't, I would have made some very different choices. I'd probably also be locked up." Swivel looks straight ahead again, tracking Blurr in her peripheral vision, trying to keep up with him.

"The thing is, Blurr, you have burnt a lot of bridges. You got to put out those fires before you can mend them. And it takes a lot of time, a lot of patience, and even withstanding constant criticism, doubt, and mistrust. Just as you are so eager to assign ulterior motives to things I say or do, so too will others until you've shown a /steady/ change in character, not just a blip on the radar. And there will always be individuals that won't accept you can change. But there will be those who, once they feel safe that this isn't just a ruse or a half-aft effort, will welcome the change. I'd be one of those."

**Blurr has posed:**
    "I can't," Blurr says quickly, regarding putting out fires. "I've tried." He shrugs. "Honestly I have. You know I have. Like I said, there are certain people who just...seem to WANT me to be justly condemned, despite the fact that they don't even fragging -know- me. No matter how much I try to quench the fire, they'll just find some way to keep it roaring. And I'm tired of trying to do something that's literally impossible." Then he frowns. "And when did I ever accuse you of ulterior motives? That was Hot Rod, remember?"

**Swivel has posed:**
Swivel glances over at Blurr. "Can't? Certain people? Well, push those certain people out of your mind and focus on the sparks you can win over. Learn to pick your battles." Swivel nods her head. Not that she knows much about wisely picking her battles, if the situation she now finds herself in is any indication.

When he questions her mention of ulterior motives, Swivel bangs the side of her head. "Oh right. That was Hot Rod. Drunk Hot Rod is just so much like you, yelling at me, and you were so much not yourself, I got the two of you mixed up." Swivel perches her hands on her hips for a brief moment. "Must have been drunk Hot Rod that accused me of running off to Blast Off when I got captured, when instead I was investigating a dead racer. Or Hot Rod that accused me of wanting something whenever I just wanted to check up on him and see how he was doing. Or Hot Rod that thought that if I found a new friend, I was going to ditch him and that any affection I had was a lie. Thanks for clearing up my malfunctioning memory. Must be all that psychosonorum I got blasted with in the past."

Swivel sighs after her flurry of sarcastic remarks. "Sorry. I know that really isn't helping. But I'm tired too."

**Blurr has posed:**
    "I was made for war and -physical- combat. Not--I don't know, 'relational' battles, okay? I'm -done-. Done with them all. I'm tired of fighting." Blurr says bitterly. "Because no matter what I do, every wrong and horrible thing I've done are the only things that people seem to remember, and every little mistake I've made is twisted into some awful crime that fits their narrative of me being a terrible person. And everything else just--flits away, somehow. Like it never existed."

    When Swivel starts sarcastically listing off all of those past 'sins', he just sighs. "Yep, and even when I think they've actually moved past all my 'wrongdoings', the truth -eventually- comes out."

**Swivel has posed:**
Swivel looks over. "You /asked/ when you'd accused me! I answered. It doesn't mean I'm holding those things against you - they were just relevant." Swivel looks ahead, shaking her head. "Look. When you are on the battle field, you watch your opponents for patterns, right? When dealing with relationships, people also look at patterns. And you have a pattern of aggression. It unnerves people. It puts them on edge, waiting for the next attack. Or worse, they go on the offensive to defend themselves. It's exhausting for them, and I am sure, for you. But if you want to give up on yourself, then that is your choice. And as with all choices, it will have its consequences."

**Blurr has posed:**
    "I was -not- accusing you of having--" Blurr starts, but then cuts himself off, shaking his head. "Forget it, I don't want to argue about all that all over again. If you had -actually- moved past that scrap, you wouldn't have said it like that." he grumbles.

    "Oh, see? Look at that, I have a 'pattern of agression'. I'm an aft head. One little misstep. One little screw up, that's all it takes." He starts staring at the ground again.

**Swivel has posed:**
"Blurr. You're right. One little misstep is all it takes." Swivel sighs again. "For all of us. If you think I'm frolicking and doing somersaults up here on the high road, you're wrong. I'm on a tightrope, constantly terrified of falling, because there is no safety net. Just a gaping pit that I know will take me years to crawl out of. And yeah, you're in that pit." Swivel shakes her head, her own pace beginning to pick up.

"Maybe because you were made so advanced, a lot of things came to you easily, and you just aren't used to things that require constant and steady effort. If you don't 'get it' naturally, you abandon it as a lost cause. I could be wrong, but that's the impression I'm beginning to get. And I still think there is hope for you, if you'd just... endure a bit longer."

**Blurr has posed:**
    "Yeah, well I've been trying to crawl out of that pit for a long time already. I'm too tired to keep going. And in some cases, I don't even -know- how or why I even fell into it in the first place." Blurr admits. "I think I'll just stay there."

    "You're right. The whole 'constant and steady' thing isn't what I was made for. You're...you're the only reason I even made it as far as I did." he says quietly. "But it seems even -your- 'wrong things' quota fills up eventually. I just--First Aid -was- right. All that I am is all I was made for, and this just isn't what I was made for..."

**Swivel has posed:**
Swivel stares straight ahead, a small twitch under one of her optics. "Know what else tires me out? Being people's reasons for things." Swivel sighs, and she begins staring down at the ground. "It's endearing at first. But then... I just want to tell everyone to do things their own sakes, because I won't always be there."

Swivel looks up again. "And yeah. I have a limit. It wasn't the many times you blew up at me, or our many misunderstandings. I knew I could endure that and work it out eventually. It was when you started taking things out on others. I don't think First Aid or Starlock or any of them deserved the way you treated them. And then you complain that /they/ are the ones who have injured you? Because you can't live up to /their/ expectations? All that most of them want is to feel valued and respected, which is a basic social need. One I'm afraid you only ever received some artificial facsimile of when you were young. And that isn't their fault. It isn't yours either. But how you behave now that you are free from all that, you are accountable for."

Swivel looks over and up at Blurr. "Nothing any of the others ever said seemed to be the right thing. You. You laid into them. You didn't give them a chance. And expected chances from them. You take and take and accuse everyone of the very things you are, and do. You are the one constantly twisting things people say around. It's no wonder you feel everyone is doing that to you." Swivel vents deeply. "The weird thing is... you say you feel like nothing you ever did was enough for me. That's exactly how I often felt around you. Nothing I ever did guaranteed me a free pass whenever I messed up. Didn't matter what I did for you. One wrong word and I went from your best friend to scum. And I just... don't know why I put up with that. Especially not if you are giving up." Swivel's shoulders sag. But then she raises them and lifts her chin. "Well. I'm going to do as you've often done. Say my piece, and leave. Goodbye Blurr." With that, Swivel transforms, speeding off.

**Blurr has posed:**
    "It wasn't for your -sake-, it was -because- of you. There's a difference." Blurr points out. "And I never thought you were scum, either did I ever say as much. Not then, not now, and not ever."

    Strangely, when she really starts to lay into him, he doesn't interrupt her any further. Just watches her with a resigned look on his face, seeing that she is, indeed, on everyone -else's- side in this, as he had originally thought. As she leaves he just sighs. "I knew it." he mutters, turns down a different street.