Forbidden Vender

## BEGIN PROFILE:

*This anomalous machine, codenamed FORBIDDEN VENDER, was found in a*
 Detroit alley. It bears no markings indicating origin, or beverages
vended.

*Machine accepts coins equaling twenty five cents,*
or numismatic materials roughly similar in size. Buttons dispense
consistent beverages of the same type in seemingly limitless
proportions, rotating on a weekly basis.

*Machine has been*
under observation during occasions of rotation. No known supplier has
been seen during these period, or indeed any action towards the machine.
 Attempts to examine the machine’s construction lead to [REDACTED],
thusly such examinations have been suspended for the time being.

*We*
 have compiled a list of sample sodas found in the machine, addendums
given where necessary, possible elaboration on others to follow:

* *Original Recipe Coca-Cola [Contained traces of cocaine in proportions determined to be identical to the original formula0*
* *Un-Diet TAB Cola*
* *Pepsi Ultraviolet/Infrared*
* *Four Loko: Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster-Type*
* '***V9, V10 and V11 Vegetable Drinks'***
* *Riddle Drink*
* *Black Blood Of The Earth*
* *Black Hole Bomber Brew*
* *Red Queen/White Queen//Black Queen*
* *Mulligan*

 Stew [Filled with a mixture of discontinued or flawed name-brand soda
syrups. Production company information appears to .]

* '**Kronen-Kola [In Mutagen and BioCyberHaptic “Flavors”. Subjects**

reported pleasing flavor, various levels of pleasing and displeasing
monsterism]'

* *Golden*

 Apple; Black Lotus; Gingo; Immortality Peach; Fern Flower; Rasknovic;
and Flavored Fruit Soda [Properties akin to component materials. No brand listed on label, corporation producing
 only identified as “Waxmare LTD”]

* *Bananadrine Dream*

[Banana flavored with hallucinogenic properties, address of factory
leads only to hippie commune burned down in 1971]

* *Yggdrasil Root Beer [Available in nine flavors, more research pending]*
* *MyKolaUltra [Contains LSD alongside unknown hallucinogenic contaminants. Contaminants similar in properties to [REDACTED]]*
* *Miss*

 Neutronic Bomb [Incredibly radioactive, no recorded cases of cancer
resulting thereof. Similar effects to Kronen Kola across longer
timeframe alledged but currently univestigated]

* *GatorPower-Ade*

 [Legally able to be labeled as such due to unique properties. Under
investigation for reverse-engineering by Doctor [REDACTED] for the
purposes of [REDACTED]]

* *DRINKING*

 MEET [Contains a substance similar to the infamous Pink Slime, but
carbonated and at a more liquid viscocity. Made of 50% assorted human
tissues, 16% assorted keratins, 25% California condor vitreous jelly,
and 12% unable-to-analyze. Has memetic effects causing compulsion
towards carnophagy and possible parasitoidism by [REDACTED] Very likely
linked to the organization known as [REDACTED]. Recently found in
non-anomalous mechanisms. God help us all.]

* *Aqua Vitae [Contains only a paper*

with cryptic; handwritten instructions, remarked upon by historians to
be unmistakably similar to those produced by the Comte De St Germain]

## Author Commentary

This started as essentially a much earlier post based on a completely different dark vending machine post, reworked as a G.U.F.F. thing and also expanded upon with its own photomanipulation.

And it was based on the joke "Dark Vending Machine, Show Me The Forbidden Sodas," a meme template I have always adored. Take that as you will.

As per usual with G.U.F.F. stuff, this is free to use as you see fit under a CC-BY 4.0 license so long as I; Thomas F. Johnson, am credited as their creator!

And, if you wanna support me, maybe check out my Patreon, which I previewed this design on ages ago, or even just send a Ko-Fi my way! Every penny is appreciated, and I am eternally grateful for those who donate!