The Real Story of Fitz Wiki

## Character Biography

Fitz was born in 1289 BCE at 100 o’clock in the evening on a Monday. From the moment he was born, he smelled like diarrhea. People call him Fitz Vacker, but his real name is Ritz Cracker. His biological mother was an evil witch who killed many people and was well known for her narrow hips and killing people with farts. Her name was Narrow-hipped Smoochypoo. He was put up for adoption and was adopted by the Vackers. He was a snobby and bratty child, always getting upset at his family and taking advantage of the fact that his "father", Alden Vacker, was an Emissary and had high status in the Elvin world. When he started to attend Fox Fire Academy, he used his father’s status to gain friends and become popular. He was given the reputation of being “smart” because he hired secret servant named Billy to do all his schoolwork for him. He grew a twin called Horatio that stays in his eye socket and whispers evil thoughts to Fitz. But anyways, one day, he decided to cut class the normal way. He wanted to sneak about the school anyway so that he could find more mallowmelt (there was no more in the fridge). While sneaking around, Keefe spotted him, and being deceived by the thought that Fitz was a nice kid that was also cutting class, they became best friends. Fitz went along with this because he didn’t want to miss the chance of becoming more popular because of it. Though he acted like a perfectly nice boy around most people, he was really a stuck-up and horrible child. One night, he threw such a big temper tantrum that his father finally allowed him to go to the Forbidden Cities to find Sophie Foster. Prior to this, he had found as many concoctions from Slurps and Burps that would make him more handsome as possible, and promptly drank all of them. Now, at least, he would look handsome in front of Sophie, who he hoped would make him more popular if he became friends with her. The solutions from Slurps and Burps had ensured Fitz that he would always look handsome around Sophie, though in real life, he would be the opposite. Sophie fell for his trick and started developing a small crush on Fitz, to his delight. He had also started having one on her. When his popularity started to go down because of Sophie, Fitz considered becoming friends with Stina and leaving Sophie. But if he did that, he would loose Keefe and his father would also get mad. And when father got mad, he would take away Fitz’s Chocolate-Mint Ripplefluffs. Oh the horror of losing Chocolate-Mint Ripplefluffs! So that’s why Fitz is still pretending to be friends with Sophie. In reality, he’s just a stuck-up smelly boy. After the KotLC takes place, he gets discovered and shipped of to Foodfire, a school for hungry brats. It is known for taking away food and replacing it with poison. He also manifests as a Barfopath, someone who can manipulate puke. He wasn’t ever really a Telepath, he just made Dex give him a gadget that would make him look like one. Before Dex had manifested, Fitz had taken the Aliases of a Telepath, because Billy was one, and if he wanted to have Billy do all his schoolwork, he would have to have the same ability as Billy. Also, in the future, he's married to a toilet, has three kids, and leads the Neverseen(which, after the Keepers of the Lost Cities series happens, is really just an organization for old granny’s).

**QUOTE: "ME. WANT. MALLOWMELT."**

## Physical Description

Fitz is a snooty and smelly boy with one poopy brown eye and another red one. The red one has an identical twin growing out of it named Horatio. Fitz’s hair is the precise color of diarrhea that‘s been sitting in the sun for too long. His buck teeth are yellow and his face changes from barf-green to a pale color based on how the sun hits it. He is usually depicted with a finger stuck up his nose. As mentioned in his biography, Fitz drinks potions from Slurps and Burps to make himself look “hot”. His description when he does this can be seen in any Keepers of the Lost Cities book as well as the other fandom pages Fitz has, though I would not recommend trusting those fandom pages too much; they described Fitz as a *good* person (I know, insane).

## Personality

Fitz is generally a unpleasant and idiotic boy. He is extremely stupid without Horatio to guide him and whisper evil thoughts to him. He enjoys spending Alden Vacker's money on whatever smells the worst.

## Strengths and Weaknesses

Strengths: Being stupid and smelling.

Weaknesses: Pretty much everything.