2017 Power Rankings-Playoffs 1

## Introduction

Once upon a time there was a regular season, a magical time when all ten teams were relevant. Drama unfolded like beach chairs on a sunny day. Players were traded, then suspended, then untraded, traded again, unsuspended and then resuspended. First, second, third round picks were lost to season ending injuries. Keepers were dropped. Free agent gems were found. Some teams started fast and faded, others started slow and surged.

But now the fairy tale that was the regular season is over. The clock has struck midnight for Papa's Pussies, Sweet Dee, JarJar Stinks! and ma ma momma said. While Geppetto, Little Mermaid, Rumpelstiltskin and Sleeping Beauty all go home, the rest of the travelers arrive at the Festival of Champions.

Questions remain.

Can Alvin Kamara keep up his crazy performance and keep GBM alive?

Are Shotti's runningbacks have enough in the tank to keep the war machine moving?

Were RIPDab's successes a result of his schedule or is he a championship caliber squad?

Did the loss of Gronk ruin P9's chances of their first ever playoff victory?

Is Pain Train's Killer B's the winning combination of QB/WR that will grant them their second Glory Bowl appearance?

Can Duck Punchers stay alive long enough to get back Zeke Elliot and prove everyone wrong?

I guess there is only one way to find out...let's keep playing.

## Seasons of 6 or More Wins by Each Team

Since we play an odd number of games, 6-7 is the closest to .500 we will get in the LOC. 6-7 is the sign of a successful, albeit frustrating season in the league. Any higher and you are a playoff team, any lower and you are eliminated. Here is a list of all 6+ win seasons by each team.

## Absolute Standings

Absolute Standings is simply this: what if instead of matchups, the top five teams got a W every week and the bottom five took an L?

If that was the case, here is what the standings would look like today:

Similar to last season, the absolute standings find a way to balance themselve out in the end. The same six teams make the playoffs in both scenarios. The only glaring anomolies are RIPDab, who was graced with the second-easiest schedule in LOC history, and JJS, who managed five wins despite putting up the fourth-worst scoring total in LOC history.

## Every Team Every Week Standings

Every Team Every Week is simply this: what if instead of matchups, every team played every team every week? (AKA the record you're given from that random stat in the matchup recap).
If that
was the case, here is what the standings would look like today:

The same situation has occurred here, where the same four teams miss playoffs in Every Team Every Week and in Actual Standings. P9, who was multiple games back of MMMS, surged ahead with a 9-0 record in week 13. Note that RIPDab does not get a bye in either of these hypothetical scenarios.

## Who's Hot, Who's Not?

Scoring Over Last Three Weeks
 Paddock 9
 Garoppoblow Me
 The Shotti Bunch
 ma ma momma said
 Sweet Dee
 RIPDab
 Papa's Pussies
 The Duck Punchers
 JarJar Stinks!

In a gift from the Fantasy Gods the two hottest teams in the league face off this week after putting on a clinic in their regular season finale.

## Sweet Dee vs. TB

Sweet Dee Record vs. Tom Brady Playoff Record

## The Bust Zone

Bust Watch: Total Points for First Round Picks
 Todd Gurley II
 Antonio Brown
 AJ Green
 Julio Jones
 DeMarco Murray
 Devonta Freeman
 Jordy Nelson
 Odell Beckham Jr.
 David Johnson

In a strange coincidence, GBM voted Bell as the biggest bust of 2017 and MMMS voted Nelson as the biggest bust of 2017. Well, Bell almost took down GBM in week 13 while Nelson rode the pine. Anyone want to take a stab at who got #MattJinxed here?

## Rookie Rundown

Hard to believe the top four guys on this list all rank between Antonio Brown and AJ Green on the scoring list this year. Green has had a spectacular year, but if we all had the gift of foresight these four backs would have gone in the first round before him.

## Stat Chat

A very special edition of Stat Chat as we can now add our season long stat "accomplishments."
LOC - Full Season Stats

* JarJar Stinks! finishes the season with the fourth-lowest single-season point total of all-time (2222.72).
* RIPDab finishes the season with the second-lowest single-season points-against total of all-time (2376).
* MMMS becomes the 5th team to miss consecutive Festival of Champions.
* PP and SD becomes the first two teams to miss consecutive Festival of Champions on two separate occassions.

LOC - Regular Stat Facts

* Pain Train records the 9th highest score by a losing team in regular season history.
* Pain Train becmoes the 5th team to score over 200 points in 50 regular season games.
* RIP becomes the 3rd team to reach 19,000 regular season points scored.
* MMMS becomes the 4th team to reach 19,000 regular season points scored.
* PP becomes the 1st team to reach 19,000 regular season points against.
* MMMS becomes the 5th team to reach 50 combined losses.
* TDP becomes the 8th team to reach 40 combined losses.
* TSB becomes the 9th team to reach 30 combined losses.

NFL

* Matt Ryan (TSB) has not finished as a top-8 QB any week this season.
* Jordy Nelson (GBM) has not finished as a top-24 WR since week 4.
* Devin Funchess (PT) has accounted for 40% of Cam Newton's (TSB) passing yards since Kelvin Benjamin (RIP) was traded.
* DeAndre Hopkins (DP) still has not had a game with less than 70 yards and/or no TDs.
* In Standard scoring leagues, Alex Smith (P9) is tied with Russell Wilson (JJS) for most games scoring 25 points or more (5).
* Keenan Allen (P9) has scored more in the last three games than Emmanuel Sanders (PP) has scored all season.
* Ingram (RIP) and Kamara (GBM) have already combined for more fantasy points than 26 teams had in total all of last season.
* Jimmy Graham (DEE) has finished as a top-12 TE in each game since week 2.

## Trade Tracker

Starts:

* Thompson: 4
* Wentz: 5
* Brady: 5
* Crowder: 4

Starts:

* McCaffrey: 4
* Abdullah: 4
* Morris: 4

Papa narrowly defeated JarJar in week 13, which they would not have accomplished if not for Alfred Morris. A direct result of this trade.

Starts:

* Elliot: 1
* Cooks: 4
* Olsen: 1

After Olsen burned them last week, Cooks bombed in a big way with only 4.58 in a must win game. Solid all season, you have to wonder how different things would have been in this matchup if the Tate for Elliot trade had gone through. Tate scored 16.50, more than enough of a swing to give MMMS this win.

Starts

* Miller: 5
* Snead: 0
* Juju: 2
* Duke: 4

While the result of the Elliot trade is still up for debate, we have to acknowledge the masterful work Duck Punchers did with this trade for Miller. Trading Smith-Schuster when his stock was through the roof, DP received a player who has yet to score under 14 points in a game and who now faces a cheesecake defense in the Festival Quarterfinals.

## Matchup Recap

It took many years, but GBM finally delivered the revenge beatdown to MMMS for defeating them in Glory Bowl II back in 2012. The most embarrassing lost in LOC history, GBM has not forgotten that nor the 2015 Festival Semifinals, when MMMS eliminated them from Glory Bowl contention by a margin of victory over 100 for a second time. For the first time, GBM has sent momma packing.

With nothing but a mutual respect between these two managers, the showdown may not have had the type of bloodthirsty energy that normally comes with elimination games. But that does not mean the tension wasn't high, because the stress hives on my neck say otherwise.

As a last minute swap, Jameis Winston was subbed in for Stafford/Mariota and ended up outscoring them both (though not by much). In an insane flaw in the system, Jacksonville and Denver both scored 34 points, even though Denver gave up 35 points and Jacksonville gave up 10.

Speaking of those 10 points, 7 of them belonged to T.Y. Hilton, who predictably had his fourth best game of the season against GBM after having his third best game against them earlier in the year.

But the entire squad came to play for GBM, with hardly a weakness down the board (Booker, you fuck). Even Shepard, held under 10 FP for most of the game, caught a great 40+ yard bonus in the 4th quarter to nearly meet projection. And of course, there is Alvin Kamara. The pickup of the season delivered once again, pairing like a good wine to a tasty hunk of cheese with Michael Thomas. The one-two Saints punch that Sweet Dee has always dreamed about was here, on GBM, delivering a playoff berth.

In the final hours of Monday night, there was still life for MMMS. Le'Veon Bell and Joe Mixon were dealing for MMMS. But we will never know just what could have been, because Mixon was knocked out on a vicious blow that looked dangerous but simply caused him to suffer a concussion and probably irreparable brain damage that he'll experience twenty years from now. Phew.

With Mixon out, even Bell's 42.70 points weren't enough to bring momma all the way back from the dead.

Momma had a great season and it was sad to see it end on an injury. Whether that made the difference or not will never be known, but Mixon was the ultimate thorn in their side for the entire season and it cost them a spot in the Festival of Champions.

Momma's Cinderella story is over, but GBM's fairytale is only just beginning. No 6-7 team has ever won a playoff game, and that is just the tip of the adversity iceberg for Blow Me.

## Combined Consolation Team Wins by Year

This year many commented that the bottom teams were weaker than usual, so I decided to look back at our storied past and see how the bottom four teams stacked up (based solely on W/L record) to the bottom four teams in year's past.

Combined W/L Record of Bottom Four Teams (by Year)
 2017
 2016
 2012
 2011
 2014
 2013

With momma's elimination, 2017 gaves us the second strongest batch of consolation teams in league history.

## Scoring %

We have talked about scoring being down all season. In fact, it's down 1258.18 points from 2016, a drop of close to 5%.

So when Shotti didn't blow the doors off like he usually does, I got to wondering: since general scoring is down, did Shotti really have a slower season than in year's past or was it still nasty relative to how everyone else scored?

Well, folks, while I didn't have time to tabulate all seven seasons, I hope you accept this as a start.

Below is a chart of each team's % of the total points scored in both 2016 and 2017. Let's take a look...

So now we can see definitively that Shotti's scoring is down, not just due to natural score deflation. It is down relative to the rest of the league as well. Last season he outscored the 2nd highest scorer by 9.33%, this year by only 3.7%.

GBM's scoring increased almost 5%, and Pain Train is up over 12% from 2016.

Noteworthy is The Duck Punchers and Sweet Dee holding steady at 10.1 and 9.5, respectively. Papa's scoring improved slightly, while JarJar saw the greatest year-to-year drop with over 17%. With a little more time I'd like to compare these numbers going back several more years, and I'd also be curious to know the percentage of total scoring for the Glory Bowl Champions. As of now, it is safe to say that Shotti is closer to the field than he has been in years.

## Power Rankings

This week Pat asked if he could be in charge of the theme of the week, which was fine by me because that's one less thing I have to worry about. He chose the theme of "Which WWE character are you?" Because Pat comes with his own flavor, I decided not to fix any errors in his writing. I just copied and pasted. Enjoy.

Rankings Key:

PT - Team record against teams currently in a playoff position.

L3 - Record over the last three games.

(C) - Clinched Playoff Berth

(E) - Eliminated from Playoff Contention

(B) - Clinched a First Round Bye

### 1(2). Pain Train WOO WOO (7-6) (C)

* PT: 2-4
* L3: 2-1

Pain Train is full steam ahead into the playoffs, despite the loss against Paddock 9. His team is scoring at a ridiculous clip, with three straight games over 245 points. The last team to do that was The Shotti Bunch on his way to Glory Bowl VI and a third Cup of Glory. His TPS (bench plus starters) was also over 347 in both week 12 and week 13. Also helps that he was gifted with the Gronk suspension. the knock on him is the only playoff team he has beaten is GBM, a team he will not face unless they both find a way into Glory Bowl VII.

James Ellsworth claim to fame not unlike Chris is he gets beat up by bigger stronger competitors like Braun, and some how turns that into a career. Just as James weasled himself into a world title opportunity at one point Chris has pulled a magic trick by getting in to playoffs. Also again the resemblance is uncanny.

### 2(1). The Shotti Bunch (10-3) (C) (B)

* PT: 5-2
* L3: 2-1

Is Shotti at 2 because of name alone? Last season, GBM unconvincingly romped to ten wins before being eliminated in the Festival Semifinals. This season, another 10-game winner heads into the playoffs after a lackluster end to November. This is Shotti's best record ever (which is scary) but it is hard to tell if this team is going to be able to pull off the dominant December performance for a third season in a row.

most championships, always wins, HATED by the most hard core fans, buries up and coming talent, always inserts himself into what ever story line is going on, has a stupid face. All of these things can be said about most men but now with John Cena becoming a part timer and letting new talent come up and make a name for themselves it makes it more and more believable that Shotti will fall during this grand festival of champions.

COMMISH NOTE: Is the Pat Jinx slowly becoming a thing?

### 3(3). RIPDab (9-4) (C) (B)

* PT: 5-3
* L3: 3-0

The only team on a three game win streak, RIPDab had a stellar season that kicked off with a 2-1 start against the two Glory Bowl teams from last year. Picking the opening month's schedule obviously paid off for RIP, who got to get tough matchups out of the way and cruise to the finish by defeating Sweet Dee in the regular season for the 7th and 8th time (now 8-0). The best part about their seeding is they avoid The Shotti Bunch, and it also means they have a 50/50 shot at becoming a four-time Salty Dolphin Bowl Champion.

so easy to hate, over rated, and plays into the fact that he wins despite being inferior to many other teams yea this might be a perfect fit. Also the steroid allegations against Mahal really implicate nate that something fishy or porpisy is going on.... kinda makes you go hm

### 4(6). Garoppoblow Me (6-7) (C)

* PT: 4-3
* L3: 1-2

GBM finishes the regular seaon very strong despite being just 1-2 in their last three games and continue to ride the longest active games-over-200 streak in the league. Alvin Kamara should get a job at FEDEX because all he does is deliver. The Broncos RB's, on the other hand, they should work for USPS because they are always mailing it in. Difficult decisions this week against a team with far better player matchups has this season still on the hot seat, but making the playoffs was a huge accomplishment for this manager.

both these men though small in stature pack a mighty punch, talent or points scored wise there’s simply not many better but that has resulted in exactly one title between both these men. Disappointment and underachievement is a familiar friend of these two. Though with rumors a HUGE wrestle mania match in the works maybe be signaling a change in the wind for both of these men

### 5(5). The Duck Punchers (8-5) (C)

* PT: 4-3
* L3: 1-2

Hey, about that whole ragging on Duck Punchers for starting Josh Gordon. BIG MattJinx on my part, I'll own that. Josh Gordon could be the spark this team has needed ever since trading Brandin Cooks. Duck Punchers has obviously lost a step, and has lost back-to-back to end their season for the second year in a row. But DP could be due for a breakout game with good player matchups against GBM. The tale of two seasons (a 7-2 start and a 3-1 finish), we will have to see if DP can make it one step closer to getting their secret weapon back...their Zeke-ret weapon.

Randy Orton: a past champion who has fallen from grace. Zach like easy in theory should be a good guy, someone you want to root for but he can’t seem to give us a reason to do so. Weather it’s because he’s had so much success in the short time hes been in the league "see: Randy Orton being the youngest wwe champion of all time," or the fact that he still thinks he won the Elliot trade or just plain beard envy he’s easy to dislike. Also Losing out on a by week just like randy lost his wwe championship too......

### 6(7). Paddock 9 (7-6) (C)

* PT: 1-5
* L3: 2-1

Paddock 9's point total has increased every week from 10-13, but I can't see the ceiling getting any higher than 292.18. Paddock 9 might have gotten a little too hyped for their regular season finale and lost sight of the quarterfinals, where they have to turn around and face the only team hotter than them in the LOC. And by hotter I'm not refering to looks...or am I? Who knows, really? Up for debate I guess. Losing Gronk is definitely not a good look, that's for sure.

BBBBBBBRRRRRRRAAAAUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

### 7(4). ma ma momma said (6-7) (E)

* PT: 3-6
* L3: 2-1

MMMS had it tough, facing nine playoff teams throughout the season. They were a volatile force and everyone is lucky that they didn't make the dance. Being in this tournament for the second year in a row is such a bad feeling that we can only assume he is going to kill it and get himself in prime position to draft a championship roster next year...in 'Merica!

 just as Enzo was demoted to the cruiser weight division JARED has fallen from grace to become the top seed of the conciliation bracket. Yea Enzo is cruiser weight  champion but that’s like being the smartest kid in a class that I’m taking. Now if JARED starts dressing like Enzo we might officially say jared is back.

### 8(9). Papa's Pussies (4-9) (E)

* PT: 2-7
* L3: 1-2

Up until week 13 Papa was the only team that hadn't seen an opponent score less than 170 against them. They were finally graced with such a game from JarJar and they took the victory to secure the rare 4-9 record (the most uncommon finish in the LOC). Since Papa didn't finish last we are graced with his participation at least one more season.

Kane: older, intimidating, was world champion once for 1 day but no one remembers

### 9(8). Sweet Dee (3-10) (E)

* PT: 1-8
* L3: 1-2

Drew Brees is just the 11th highest scoring QB on the season, just ahead of Josh McCown and behind everyone else's starting QB except for The Duck Punchers' Derek Carr, who missed games with an injury. Starting there and working down, the roster was yet again a failure to reach potential. Next season though...Next season...

currently on a 140+ match losing streak sees nothing good in the future for either person both use a cane

### 10(10). JarJar Stinks! (5-8) (E)

* PT: 4-4
* L3: 0-3

One of the great mysteries of the world will be how JJ managed five wins, four against playoff teams. This week they benched the win, not realizing that their starting RB was not playing. Live by the Martin, die by the Martin. The Fantasy Gods always, always ALWAYS punish those who do not set their lineups. It's basically more predictable than the sun rising in the east. Should have easily defeated Papa on Monday night but the Gods willed it otherwise.

both named joe both have had times at which they were relevant both are no longer in the conversation of a championship also kinda similar looking

## The 2017 Festival of Champions

And just like that, the regular season is in the books. All the stats, wins, losses, it's all meaningless. Fun facts filed away to be randomly pulled out halfway through next season and a whole new batch of facts and history arrives for us.
Now we turn to the post-season.

### Playoff Game Victory Droughts

###

Updated through the 2016 season.
Sortable table, click on header arrows.

As one of only two active teams without a playoff victory, the pressure has mounted to an unreal level for Paddock 9. Garoppoblow Me, the other low-seeded competitor in the quarterfinals, is on the longest active losing streak. They have not won a game since they were a junior in college. And to give you an idea of how long it's been since college, I second guessed my spelling of the word college.

### All-Time Festival of Champion Records

Twelve teams have played at least one playoff game as of the conclusion to the 2016 season. Of those teams, only four have a winning record in the Championship Bracket (Papa's Posse, The Shotti Bunch, ma ma momma said and JarJar Stinks!). Factoring in 3rd and 5th place matches, six teams have a winning record (PP, MMMS, DP, JJS, and TSB).

Why am I doing this is the lone playoff team without a win, losing both their championship bracket and 5th place game. RIP was 0-2 in the Championship Bracket before earning their first win in December of 2016.

Ma ma momma said holds the record for highest combined winning percentage (0.700), while The Shotti Bunch has a chance to notch their tenth Festival win and become the only team with double-digits in the win column.

Five teams have never made it to the playoffs. All five are defunct.

Updated through 2016.

### Matchups of the Week - Festival Quarterfinals

#### (3) The Duck Punchers (201.93) vs. (6) Garoppoblow Me (217.55)

* 2017 Records
	+ DP: 8-5
	+ GBM: 6-7
* Head-to-Head Wins
	+ DP: 6
	+ GBM: 4
* Head-to-Head Playoff Results
	+ 2012 Festival Semifinals: **GBM (239.74)** v DP (217.86)
* Key Injuries (DP)
	+ Ezekiel Elliot (Suspended)
* Key Injuries (GBM)
	+ Delanie Walker (Questionable, expected to play)
	+ Sterling Shepard (Questionable w/hamstring, softest NFL player in history)
* Players to Watch (GBM)
	+ Kamara/Thomas: These two have been playing late Sunday games for weeks now and so watching them has always been "can they catch up GBM to their competition." This week it's about how much of a Thursday game lead can they give the team.
	+ Carson Wentz/Jared Goff: The two GBM QB's go head-to-head this weekend in a huge NFC matchup, and the decision over which QB to start is crucial to the victory.
	+ Jax/GB: Now rostering two defenses, GBM will have to decide whether to start Jax against a tough Seattle offense or a lesser defense (GB) against the hapless Browns (and DP's Josh Gordon).
* Players to Watch (DP)
	+ Hopkins/Miller: Like Kamara/Thomas, this WR/RB tandem is what the entire offense runs through. They set the pace, and have a good matchup against whom they can set it (San Fran).
	+ AJ Green: An insane 16 targets against the Steelers, now going against an awful defense in Chicago.
	+ Dion Lewis: Kamara kicks it off for GBM, Lewis gets to finish it on Monday night for DP.

Updated through 10/02/17

GBM may have had one of their best games against Duck Punchers earlier this year, and it will take a similar performance to top them again. Much like the last three weeks, this is all about getting a big lead and then watching the opponent's remaining player hopefully not surpass that lead. It is a stressful way to live and it will be four games in a row where GBM is up late, eyes bleeding, neck aching, praying with every play that the guy doesn't break a big run.

On paper, the projections suggest this is a cake walk for GBM, but projections mean about as much to fantasy football as JarJar's team name. Duck Punchers has insanely good player matchups between Green, Hopkins, and Miller (the three guys who have the most boom potential). They also have Carr up against KC, who just gave up 80 points to the New York Jets.

So DP has the matchups, but GBM has the players. Wentz has a tough one against LA, Fournette an even tougher go against Seattle. And perhaps the player no one seems to want to talk about, Kareem Hunt for Duck Punchers who has fallen off the face of the planet. What will we see out of him?

No 6-7 team has ever won a playoff game and the odds, despite the looks, are stacked against GBM again. This has the makings of a surprise high scoring affair. If GBM wins, they face The Shotti Bunch in week 15. If Duck Punchers wins, they face RIPDab in the Festival Quarterfinals.

###

#### (4) Pain Train WOO WOO (213.39) vs. (5) Paddock 9 (187.11)

* 2017 Records
	+ PT: 7-6
	+ P9: 7-6
* Head-to-Head Wins
	+ PT: 5
	+ P9: 4
* Key Injuries (PT)
	+ Chris Hogan (Questionable - Returned to Practice Wednesday)
* Key Injuries (P9)
	+ Gronk (Suspended)
	+ Adrian Peterson (Questionable)
* Players to Watch (PT)
	+ Kenyan Drake: Borderline must-start but unfavorable MNF matchup. This could be the guy bringing it home for PT.
	+ Marshawn Lynch: With Lynch moved into Howard's spot and Howard moved into Funchess's spot, a lot of pressure is on for Lynch to fill a big RB void that PT has struggled to fill all season.
	+ Big Ben/A.Brown: Another night game for these two against a tough defense.
* Players to Watch (P9)
	+ Stephen Anderson: Doesn't really have a ring to it like Gronk does, but if P9 wants to win he has to hope he's streaming the right TE.
	+ Alex Smith: 54 points the last time he played Oakland, a performance like that likely gives P9 another 200+ week.
	+ Rex Burkhead: In a big MNF battle, Drake v. Burkhead could decide the winner of this game.

Updated through 12/05/17

No time like the present for the first ever post-season meeting between these two rivals. P9 won the battle, but now PT is hoping to win the war. With no Thursday night players between them, this game kicks off at 1pm and is a wild ride all the way until the end of Monday night. Both have a lot to prove but only one will be victorious. The league's top two trash talkers of 2017 and one of them won't be talking much after this week.

Monday night is destined to be special, with players going on three of four teams. Of these four, only Paddock 9 has never made a Glory Bowl and only Duck Punchers has won one. Kamara. Brown. Hopkins. Allen. A star-studded, action packed weekend in store for us here in the League of Champions. Soon 6 will be down to 4 and two more dreams will be shattered.

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