Abraham Lincoln (ERB)

* rapper
* real person

**Abe Lincoln** battled Chuck Norris in Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris and appeared as a third-party rapper against Barack Obama and Mitt Romney in Barack Obama vs Mitt Romney, as well as against Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton in Donald Trump vs Hillary Clinton. He was also set to battle Ronald Reagan in the latter battle, but it was scrapped. Furthermore, he made a cameo appearance in Nice Peter vs EpicLLOYD, Hitler vs Vader 3, Lewis and Clark vs Bill and Ted, and Theodore Roosevelt vs Winston Churchill. He was portrayed by Nice Peter on all occasions.

## Information on the rapper

Abraham "Abe" Lincoln was born on February 12th, 1809, in a log cabin near Hodgenville, Kentucky. He was a civil rights activist, lawyer, and the 16th President of the United States of America. Lincoln is mostly known for leading the Union States through the American Civil War, eventually re-uniting the country as one and freeing its slaves through the Emancipation Proclamation.

After a series of highly influential debates in 1858, Lincoln lost the Senate race in Illinois to his arch-rival, Stephen A. Douglas, but secured the Republican Party presidential nomination in 1860. With almost no support in the slave-holding South, Lincoln swept the North and was elected president, becoming the first Republican president while also getting his revenge on Douglas, the Democratic nominee. His election caused seven southern slave states to secede from the Union and form the Confederate States of America. This began the American Civil War, which would divide the North from the South for almost the entirety of his time in office.

Early into his second term, on April 14th, 1865, Lincoln was shot in the head by John Wilkes Booth during a production of *Our American Cousin* at Ford's Theatre in Washington, D.C., only five days after the end of the war. He died the next morning from his wounds, making him the first American president to be assassinated in the middle of their presidency. He was replaced by Vice President Andrew Johnson.

In the modern day, Lincoln is remembered for his leadership of the United States during a major period of conflict and upheaval, and he is often considered by historians to be one of the nation's greatest presidents, if not its greatest outright. His face can be found on numerous monuments and currencies, including Mount Rushmore in South Dakota, the penny, and the $5 bill. This, in conjunction with his unconventional height (standing at 6'4'', he is still the tallest president), trademark beard and stovepipe hat, has made him a highly recognizable figure to many worldwide.

## Appearance in the rap battle (cameo)

### **Nice Peter vs EpicLLOYD:**

Lincoln appeared while Nice Peter called EpicLLOYD a "big-toothed, chompy-face, horse-looking prick".

### **Hitler vs Vader 3:**

Lincoln appeared as Hitler's executioner in the prologue, parodying the infamous scene from *Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi*.

### **Lewis and Clark vs Bill and Ted:**

Lincoln, alongside Joan of Arc, Genghis Khan, and Ludwig van Beethoven, appeared briefly at the end of Bill & Ted's first verse, during the line, "Or you'll discover your Corps most triumphantly stomped!"

### **Theodore Roosevelt vs Winston Churchill:**

Lincoln, alongside George Washington and Thomas Jefferson, appeared briefly when Winston Churchill said "But if Rushmore was a band then you'd play bass!", being the lead singer of their fictional band.

## Lyrics

### **Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris:**

#### **Verse 1:**

Four score and 65 years in the past,

I won the Civil War with my beard! Now I'm here to whup your ass!

I've read up on your facts. You cure cancer with your tears?

Well, tell me, Chuck. How come you never sat down and cried on your career?

You're a washed-up has-been on TV selling Total Gyms,

And you're gonna lose this battle like you lost *Return of the Dragon*!

I'll rip your chest hairs out, put 'em in my mouth!

I'll squash you like I squashed the South!

I never told a lie, and I won't start now!

You're a horse with a limp; I will put you down!

#### **Verse 2:**

I've got my face on the side of a mountain. You voted for John McCain!

I've got a bucket full of my head, and I'm about to make it rain!

You block bullets with your beard? I catch 'em with my skull!

I'd make fun of *Walker, Texas Ranger*, but I've never even seen that show!

### **Barack Obama vs Mitt Romney:**

By the power invested in me by this giant bald bird,

The President shall not be the shiniest of two turds!

You! I wanna like you! Don't talk about change; just do it!

I fought for what was on my brain until a bullet went through it!

And you, moneybags, you're a pancake: you're flip-floppity!

It's a country, not a company you can play like *Monopoly*!

I'll properly reach across the aisle and bitch-smack you as equals!

Of the people, by the people, for the people! Eagle!

### **Donald Trump vs Hillary Clinton:**

[**Note:** *Abe Lincoln is in dark gray, while Hillary Clinton and the bald eagle are in regular text.*]

Are you fucking kidding me with this blah blah blah?!

I've half a mind to feed you both to my oversized— (CAW!)

I've heard more thoughtful discussion up in TMZ!

You two got brother blocking brother on their Facebook feed!

I'm so sick and tired of this ridiculous shit!

If this is the best my party gets, then my party should quit!

(Ha!) I'm sorry, did I say something that you found funny?

Wipe that creepy-ass smile off your face and beat this dummy!

And if she does win the White House, be a man and hold the door!

Don't get your fans stirred up in some sorta Twitter civil war!

Here's an equal opportunity smack down in the sequel!

That's of the people, by the people, for the people! EAGLE!!! (CAW!)

## Scrapped lyrics

### **Barack Obama vs Mitt Romney:**

I'll properly reach across the aisle and bitch-smack your faces!

### **Donald Trump vs Hillary Clinton:**

A democracy is not when the population chooses

Between the least disgusting of two sloppy, wet deuces!

I'm tired of this narrow-minded, divisive shit!

If this is the best my party's got, then my party should quit!

You better wipe that fake smile off your face and beat this dummy!

And when she wins the White House, be a man and hold the door!

Don't let your fans start some kinda Twitter civil war!

## Trivia

* Lincoln and Chuck Norris are the only rappers to have a cut-off title card.
	+ He is also one of three rappers to have a different font used for their title card.
* He is the fourth character to return from a previous battle, after Stephen Hawking, Adolf Hitler, and Darth Vader.
	+ He is the first to return as a third-party rapper and as a cameo.
* He is the first character to rap in three different battles against different opponents each time.
	+ He is the third rapper to rap in three different battles, after Adolf Hitler and Darth Vader.
* He is the first solo rapper to have the longest poll in more than one rap battle.
* He is the only character to appear at least once in all of the first five seasons.
	+ He is also the only character to be a main participant, a third-party participant, and a cameo over the span of the first five seasons.
* His face made an appearance in Frederick Douglass vs Thomas Jefferson on Mount Rushmore.
* He is the first rapper to be both a title rapper and a third party.
* Along with the Ghostbusters, the Eastern Philosophers and the Western Philosophers, he has rapped against the second most people throughout the series, at five different rappers, after the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
* He is the only Season 5 rapper not to appear on the official season 5 poster.
* He was mentioned by Karl Marx in Henry Ford vs Karl Marx.