True Patty Grand Opening

This is an Transcript for a Grand Opening.

Begins at a dilapidated "Patty Cafe" where a sign hangs over it that says 'Out of Business'

* **Big Bird:** *[looking through desk drawers]* Peppermint Patty's lip balm. I could use these.
* **Grover:** *[crying]* Big Bird, you shouldn't be going through Peppermint Patty's belongings. *[sniffs]* She won't like it.
* **Big Bird:** Grover, I told you what her mother said. Peppermint Patty isn't coming back. *[Wears a stethoscope. Tries to open the safe, putting a stethoscope onto the safe to avoid suspicion.]* Now, keep quiet so I can hear the tumblers in her safe. *[Peppermint Patty walks in]*
* **Peppermint Patty:** Hey, boys! *[Grover Gasps with joy as Big Bird sheepishly hides his stethoscope behind his back]*
* **Grover:** Peppermint Patty, I knew it! You're alive! *[clings to Peppermint Patty happily]* Big Bird, look, it's Peppermint Patty! Isn't this too good to be true?
* **Big Bird:** Well, it was.
* **Peppermint Patty:** You know, boys, being sick made me do a lot of thinking. My whole life has been about money. Saving money, collecting money, *[mimics being infatuated to money]* touching money... *[returns back to normal talking]* Well, you get the picture. But no more. You're looking at the new, improved, non-cheap Peppermint Patty. *[scene cuts to outside the Patty Cafe where a giant 'Grand Re-Opening' sign is hanging. 'Buy' and 'Free' signs are in the window]* Welcome all, welcome! *[Rerun walks up to Peppermint]* Hello, little one. What you got there?
* **Rerun:** Mac and Cheese.
* **Peppermint Patty:** *[chuckles]* Of course, you do! You know what that means, right?
* **Rerun:** I don't go hungry?
* **Peppermint Patty:** No, silly! It means free toy! *[gives him a frog doll]*
* **Rerun:** Gee, thanks Patty. I thought you were a cheap, old tightwad.
* **Peppermint Patty:** I was, son, I was. Free toys for everyone! And free refills! *[everyone cheers. Peppermint Patty runs up to Grover]* Hello boy! Say, where's Big Bird?
* **Grover:** Oh, he's taking one of those break things in your office, I mean, the 'employee lounge'. *[scene cuts to Big Bird sleeping in Peppermint Patty office]*
* **Peppermint Patty:** *[Joyfully]* Great!
* **Prairie Dawn:** Excuse me, but I dropped my Drink. Could I get another one?
* **Peppermint Patty:** Grover?
* **Grover:** Yes sir. *[takes a sign where a disclaimer is shown]* Patty Cafe policy clearly states that once the food has reached the customer, it is the person's responsibility...
* **Peppermint Patty:** Grover! *[puts down the sign]* That's the old policy. Now run back and bring out a fresh one.
* **Grover:** OK, sir. *[goes into the kitchen]*
* **Peppermint Patty:** Sorry about the confusion. *[pulls out a toy]* Free toy? *[Prairie takes it, looking confused]*
* **Big Bird:** Eugene, my man.
* **Peppermint Patty:** Big Bird! How's the break coming?
* **Big Bird:** Should be over in a couple of hours. Have Grover send back a patty and an iced-tea, will you? *[Winks then walks off]*
* **Peppermint Patty:** Sure thing, Big Bird. Take it easy. *[walks up to a customer watching a movie on a small monitor with headphones]* Are you enjoying your in-meal movie?
* **Baby Bear:** I haven't seen this movie before!
* **Peppermint Patty:** *[pats the customer on the back]* No expense spared for my valued customers. *[scene cuts to Peppermint Patty and Grover standing in front of the restaurant]* Look at all those happy faces. It sure does feel good to be generous.
* **Big Bird:** *[walks in with some envelopes]* Here's your mail, Pepper.
* **Peppermint Patty:** Thanks, Big Bird. You look rested.
* **Big Bird:** Yeah, these naps at work are doing wonders for me. *[stretches and yawns a little]*
* **Peppermint Patty:** Credit card bills. Well, I knew this was coming. Let's see what the damage is. *[opens the envelope]* Only ten thousand dollars. That's not so bad. *[runs up to the cash register]* I'll just subtract it from today's profit. *[opens the register, but there is no money in it]* And... there's no money in here. *[laughs]* How delightful.
* **Grover:** Big Bird, I'm worried about Peppermint Patty.
* **Big Bird:** Me too. How are we gonna get paid? *[both walk up to Peppermint Patty]* Gee, Peppermint Patty, you sure are taking total bankruptcy well.
* **Peppermint Patty:** Oh, it's just a bad dream. I'll wake up soon. *[Grover and Big Bird look at each other]*
* **Big Bird:** Uh... "dream"?
* **Peppermint Patty:** Sure. I'm still sleeping like a hibernating animal!
* **Grover:** Umm, you woke up this morning.
* **Big Bird:** Here's the bill. *[Peppermint Patty takes the bill that Big Bird handed in]*
* **Peppermint Patty:** You mean... I'm awake? *[Pauses, then faces up and screams in Peter Robbin's Voice]* **AAAUUUGH!** *[She races up to Telly Monster drinking orange soda and she confiscates it from him]* No more refills! *[takes it to the sink and the drink gets flushed down the drain. Then she runs up to two kids playing with toys. She steals them also.]* Give me back your toys, you freeloaders! *[She then runs back over to Baby Bear watching the movie earlier]* Show's over, cheapskate! *[turns the TV off then presses a button that erases his memory of the movie. Baby Bear goes dizzy.]*
* **Charlie Brown:** Hey, it's my lucky day, a penny! *[reaches for the penny]*
* **Peppermint Patty:** *[grabs a hold of the customer's arm]* Your luck just ran out Chuck!
* **Charlie Brown:** Good Grief.
* *[The Next Day]*
* **Big Bird:** Welcome to Patty Cafe. My name is Big Bird. May I take your order?
* **Big-Nosed Man:** Hmmm... uhh... oh, I'll have a... *[Big Bird takes out a pencil and a paper]* ...no. *[Big Bird puts the pencil and the paper away]* Maybe... *[takes out the pencil and the paper]*...no. *[Big Bird puts the pencil and the paper away]* Hmmm... I'll have... *[takes out the pencil and the paper]* ...no. Or maybe...
* **Big Bird:** Are you planning on ordering today, sir?
* **Big-Nosed Man:** I'll have Salisbury Steak with Buttered Noodles. *[Big Bird writes down order]*
* **Big Bird:** Go on.
* **Big-Nosed Man:** And Green Beans.
* **Big Bird:** Daring today, aren't we? *[takes order and shows Grover]* Salisbury Steak with Buttered Noodles and Green Beans. *[Grover takes piece of paper and puts with the rest of the orders]*
* **Grover:** Coming up!
* **Big Bird:** Whatever. *[Elmer comes up and tells Big Bird what he wants and Big Bird relays order to Grover]* One personal 6-Slice Pizza with Meatball slices!
* **Grover:** One meat-flavored pizza! Up! *[Big Bird takes the plate]*
* **Big Bird:** Thanks, Grover. *[at Elmer]* It's been a thrill serving you.
* **Elmer:** Can I get some extwa sawt?
* **Big Bird:** We're all out.
* **Elmer:** Could you check?
* **Big Bird:** No. *[Elmer glares at Big Bird as he leaves.]*
* **Grover:** *[opens the cupboard and Taz is inside. Grover Gasps]* Taz! What are you doing here? If Peppermint Patty sees you, I'll lose my job. *[Grover gives him a buttered toast]* It is I, your furry pal, Grover! I bet you're hungry. How about some lunch? *[Taz eats the toast]*
* **Taz:** Mmmmm!
* **Grover:** Shhh! You got to be quiet or...
* **Peppermint Patty:** Grover! *[Grover closes the cabinet quickly as Peppermint Patty comes bursting in]* What was that? Is that a monster in here?
* **Grover:** No, Pep. I was just practicing my imitation of Taz.
* **Peppermint Patty:** Well, keep working on it! That was terrible! *[walks out]*
* **Grover:** That was close. *[gets a tray with three sandwiches]* From now on, no more hijinks. Order up! *[puts the tray on the window. Taz eats it. Big Bird walks up to the window]*
* **Big Bird:** Grover, where's my order?
* **Grover:** Did you look under the tray?
* **Big Bird:** No I didn't, sorry. *[looks under the tray then sighs]* Grover, could you just get my order?
* **Grover:** They vanished. Big Bird, do you think the Patty Cafe is haunted? What if they come for me next? I gotta get out of here! *[runs to the door]*
* **Big Bird:** Grover, there's no ghosts!
* **Grover:** Oh.
* **Big Bird:** In case you've forgotten, here's how things work. I order the food, you cook the food, the customer gets the food. *[Grover's eyes move to the side of his face as he notices Taz eating a customers food. Big Bird is still talking]* We do that for forty years and then we die. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me, what do you say?
* **Grover:** Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear you Big Bird. I'll be right back. *[grabs Taz and shoves him under a cupboard]*
* **Big Bird:** What's that?
* **Grover:** Don't tell Peppermint Patty! I got it all under control! *[closes the cupboard]* Now then, you were saying?
* **Big Bird:** Just get my order. *[walks out]*
* **Grover:** You got it, Big Bird? *[chuckles]* Ghosts. *[Taz eats Grover's Tray]* Taz, you ate my tray! *[Taz burps out a spatula]* Taz, you ate my spatula! You ate all the Food! You ate the stove! You ate Blinky!
* **Blinky:** *[Taz burps out him with his eyes remaining]* Yeah! I Hate this Monster!
* **Big Bird:** *[customers yelling...]* Folks, we have a minor situation going on in the kitchen.
* **Bert:** Where's our food?
* **Ernie:** I'm so hungry!
* **Big Bird:** Take it easy, the food's no good here, anyway.
* **Peppermint Patty:** Big Bird, what's going on in here?
* **Big Bird:** Why don't you ask Grouchy Grover and his faithful companion the Eating Devil?
* **Peppermint Patty:** *[runs into the kitchen]* Grover, what's the meaning of all these nicknames? Bryan Lee O'Malley! *[Grover is by Taz's side, who has eaten too much]*
* **Grover:** Taz got a belly-ache from eating my food, so I made him a bicarbonate of soda. *[Taz burps out another ghost monster with its eyes remaning]*
* **Eyes:** What did I miss? *[Peppermint Patty gasps and pauses]*
* **Peppermint Patty:** So, my eyes *are* correct! You still have that monster even when I ordered you to get rid of it! Well, now I'm going to get rid of it once and for all!
* **Grover:** OK, Peppermint Patty! Don't make me give up Taz! I know you think he's just a monster, but he's worst than that, I tell you. I Don't Know how he got here! *[Taz licks Grover's cheek. Big Bird cries because of a bowl of onions near him]*
* **Big Bird:** Hey, who left this bowl of onions here?
* **Peppermint Patty:** The point is, sometimes you have to set things free even though it's hard. *[points to Taz]* Look at him. He misses the great outdoors, the wide-open spaces, the rolling green pastures. The kitchen is no place for a Tasmanian Devil.
* **Grover:** Alright, Peppermint Patty, I understand.
* **Frieda:** *[crying because of the bowl of onions Big Bird is holding under his nose]* Hey!
* **Grover:** OK, you're free to go. *[takes Taz outside]* I can't keep you anymore. *[cries]* I know it's hard for you to understand, but Peppermint Patty is right. You belong in the wild. *[Taz leaves]* Well, what are you waiting for? Can't you see I don't want you anymore? Just get out of here, you stupid, dumb animal! *[Peppermint Patty walks up to Grover]* Well, he's gone and I'll never see him again.
* **Peppermint Patty:** It's okay. You did the proper thing. He's free now and we have no right to separate that wild animal from her natural habitat.
* **Grover:** OK. *[smiles and hugs her]*
* **Porky Pig:** **Th-th-th-th-That's all, Folks!**
* **Bugs Bunny**: Guess I Don't Need this Monster Anymore!