Fake TPOT 47a: And Your Name Is.../part 1

Warning! This page may contain **spoilers** of a popular video.
*Information about the episode to which this segment belongs can be found at "**Pencil? Two? Oh.**".*

"**And Your Name Is...**" is the first segment of the forty-seventh episode of *TPOT* by Jacknjellify. It was released on 13 October 1989. Since TPOT 2 has already been released, this episode is only headcanon to me; it takes place in an alternate universe in the suburbs of the canon. During the creation process, this episode was known as "**And Your Name Is Carrie**", "**Working Pen**" and lastly "**Working Objects**".

Author's note: The reason why the headings look strange (not to mention professional-like) is that this and the following episode are almost entirely set in Flat 2, where Pencil and Pen live with their ten children. In future episodes that have nothing to do with the competition, I plan to keep the format.

Previous episode: "We Can Sail, We Can Sail"

## Cold open, *2 August 1989*

### **Living room** – Early morning

**Scene**Around 7:00 a.m. A rather busy Wednesday morning: **Zira** and **Max** are sitting on the couch watching TV while Sol and Yesa are working at their desks. **Lou** is keeping watch over **Sonny**'s cot (which has indeed been re-upgraded to the "crib of the '90s") at the back of the room; he is reading a book as well. From time to time, the other children come in and disappear during the scene.
* **Guy on TV**: This programme was filmed in front of a live studio audience.
* **M****a****xin****e** (Max): Too bad it's not a dead studio audience. /s

[*Enter* **Rhoza**.]

* **R****h****oza**: Did I just hear there's a dead studio audience? Where? [*jumps onto the couch*] I want to see!
* **T****i****z****e****yra** (Zira): No, Rhoza, they're all alive. Maxine was just being sarcastic again.
* **R****h****oza**: Thanks a lot, you got me stoked for nothing.

[*Exit.*]

* **T****i****z****e****yra** (Zira): Ooh, ooh, look! The TV Throwback Special's on!
* **M****a****xin****e** (Max): Oh yeah! What are they playing this week?
* **T****i****z****e****yra** (Zira): *Code Red*, my favourite! [*squeals in excitement*]
* **M****a****xin****e** (Max): That show didn't even have a first episode.
* **T****i****z****e****yra** (Zira): Sure, but as soon as the intro ends they're going to show the rest of *Turn-On*.
* **M****a****xin****e** (Max): Sixties surrealism with low ratings, what more could a twelve-year-old want? /s
* **Y****es****a**: Oi, you two, please turn the telly down a bit. [*points at Sol*] Somebody's trying to get his work done.
* **So****ldaa****r** **V.** (Sol): It's not my fault my nerd bailed out on me!
* **Y****es****a**: I thought he went back to Poland because of the revolution there.
* **So****ldaa****r** **V.** (Sol): Great excuse. Tsst. /s

[*Enter* **Pen**.]

* **P****en**: Hiya, kids!

[*Soni exspectati of mild salutation.*]

* **So****ldaa****r** **V.** (Sol): How rad. A "grown-up".
* **Y****es****a**: [*Aside.*] He says, in quotes.
* **P****en**: How's the homework goin', champ? Learn any new numbers today?
* **So****ldaa****r** **V.** (Sol): Working on it. Hey, Pen, do you know the square root of 576?
* **P****en**: Hmm. I don't know him personally, but wasn't he on *The Algebralio Hall Show* the other night?
* **So****ldaa****r** **V.** (Sol): You've not got the answer, have you.

[**Pen** *shakes his head and exits.*]

* **So****ldaa****r** **V.** (Sol): I knew I should have asked a potted plant.
* **Y****es****a**: Soldaar Vincent!
* **So****ldaa****r** **V.** (Sol): Wha-hat?
* **Y****es****a**: Since I know you sneak out of your room every night to watch TV in here... [*crosses her arms*] Just who was the special guest on *Algebralio* on Monday night?
* **So****ldaa****r** **V.** (Sol): Twenty-Four, why?

[*Yesa points at Sol's paper. He looks at it and facepalms.*]

* **So****ldaa****r** **V.** (Sol): Crap, the old boy knows something!
* **P****en**: [*off-screen*] Ha*ha*, you can't fool me, Solo!
* **So****ldaa****r** **V.** (Sol): Grr!

[*The intro plays, same as always.*]

## Pre–Cake at Stake

### **Living room** – Later in the morning

**Scene**A bit later. The arrangement of the family members is slightly different to the previous scene: While **Yesa** is still at work at her desk and **Sonny** is still lying in his cot, **Pencil** is lying on the couch and reading a magazine. Sitcom-esque opening music, not unlike this:

* **Y****es****a**: Oh. Oh. [*surprised*] *Oh!*
* **P****e****nci****l**: Yesa, you're not marking papers the Japanese way, are you?
* **Y****es****a**: [*turns around*] What?
* **P****e****nci****l**: They use a circle for right answers and a tick for wrong answers.
* **Y****es****a**: Oh, I knew that, Mum; not a day goes by that Ita doesn't tell me to change my marking system to that. No, I was just looking at Lou's old English papers from secondary school.
* **P****e****nci****l**: What for?

[*Yesa sits down on the couch and shows Pencil a stack of papers, which she leafs through.*]

* **Y****es****a**: On every one of them, he writes his name completely differently to the last one! See here: On this one he writes *Louis*, here he's called *Lewis*... [*looks at the last paper*] Since when was my brother ever known as *Luiz*?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Haah, that reminds me of Brazil.
* **Y****es****a**: And you know what's totally warped? Above every line that asks for his last name, he just writes *IDK*.
* **P****e****nci****l**: IDK? What's that, *Icy Dressed to Kill*? /j
* **Y****es****a**: Means "I don't know", Mum. You know, I really need to get these kids together to come up with a last name, and fast. Don't want the people in school to keep asking us if we're related to Martika or Prince.

[*Enter* **Ita** *and* **Ivor** *in their uniforms and with their school bags.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Hiya, Ita, Yesa was just talking about you!
* **C****i****l****l****ita** (Ita): Ooh, you got the papers again! Don't forget to mark correct answers with a circle; that's how the—
* **Y****es****a**: How the Japanese do it, I know.
* **C****i****l****l****ita** (Ita): It's, like, totally sugoi!
* **Iv****j****ær** (Ivor): Mother, may we please observe the television?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Sure, I'll just get my tip off the couch and, er, observe this glossy in a quiet place, like the Tube during rush hour. /s No, you two look acceptable for school; you can watch here.
* **C****i****l****l****ita** (Ita): Yay!

[**Pencil** *gets up to tend to Sonny in the back. Ita turns the TV on.*]

* **Iv****j****ær** (Ivor): I am *so* going to win this, Ita!
* **Y****es****a**: Win what?
* **Iv****j****ær** (Ivor): Ita told me that if Pin gets eliminated at today's Cake at Stake, I'll have to do her chores for the rest of the week. [*gasp*] I might just risk my life.
* **Y****es****a**: Yeah, all you've got to do is carry out the rubbish. Sounds mega-dangerous to me. Not.
* **C****i****l****l****ita** (Ita): Hey, it's not like we want to do it! I don't want my hands filthy, and Ivor's scared of running into somebody he only vaguely knows!
* **Iv****j****ær** (Ivor): It's a legitimate fear.
* **Y****es****a**: Sure.

[*Ita changes the TV channel to the live footage of the show. The Cake at Stake theme can be heard.*]

## Cake at Stake

* **P****e****nci****l**: Is that Cake at Stake?
* **C****i****l****l****ita** (Ita): Yeah, Mum, it's on right now!
* **Iv****j****ær** (Ivor): This is going to be so exciting!
* **P****e****nci****l**: ***KIDS, GET DOWN HERE, TPOT'S ON!***

[*Enter the rest of the* **kids**, *equally prepared for school (except Lou).*]

* **Sama****r L****a****Qass** (Sam): [*jumps onto the couch*] I call the middle!

[*View of the TV screen. As in earlier episodes of TPOT,* *the camera zooms in on the screen until it becomes the main setting of the action.*]

### **Crescentia Tepe**

**Scene****Two** has gathered the still-in contestants for Cake at Stake. The two contestants up for elimination (**Pin** and **Remote**) sit opposite each other, while those immune (**Black Hole** and **Golf Ball**) are sitting on top of the Tec Pulcussar, next to Two for a change.
* **Two**: [*claps*] Here we go! Who's ready for a Cake at Stake to die for?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Two, I don't think there should be any deaths in this episode.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Neither do I.
* **Two**: It's just an expression. By the way, you should be glad that I let you two sit up here!
* **Golf Ball**: You probably did it because we come in twos.
* **Two**: That is *so* un-false! [*Aside.*] Haha. You said my name. [*Aloud.*] Anyway, we have a very special Cake at Stake ceremony today. It's the last one in which somebody will be eliminated, which means that the three of you who are still in the running as potential winners will be... potential winners!

[*All gasp.*]

* **Two**: I haven't felt so excited about this since I watched Flower get eliminated for a second time in Season 1.

#### Flat 2

* **C****i****l****l****ita** (Ita): That's why I'm wearing a flower on my cap.
* **Iv****j****ær** (Ivor): Hush!

#### Crescentia Tepe

* **Two**: Today's prize will be... earrings!

[*Two shows Pin and Remote a pair of golden, triangular earrings.*]

* **Two**: Very fashionable with the popular crowd, I may add.
* **P****i****n**: Ooh, shiny!
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Let me be a pirate within the law.
* **Golf Ball**: Come on, Two, these people deserve better!
* **Two**: Why? Thanks to that Weird Speaker Box, the final courtesy prizes were a red velvet cake in the first series and a silver medal in the fourth, and let's not forget what those poor contestants got in Season 11. A pair of earrings averages things up, don't you think?
* **Golf Ball**: Well, I find it hard to disagree with someone who uses math terms like "average". Carry on!
* **Two**: Right-o! We got [*number*] votes today! Now, this announcement won't take that long because only two of you are up for elimination, but I secretly hate suspense so I'm going to announce who's eliminated right away! How d'ye lot feel about that?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: That's okay with me.
* **P****i****n**: Sounds fair.

[*Two does a handstand for no particular reason.*]

* **Two**: With [*number*] votes, enough to send her off at today's Cake at Stake and put her in fourth (or, should I say, two-plus-second or two-multiplied-by-second) place... the person I shall eliminate at 8:22:22 on the 2nd of the two-times-two-times-second month of 1989 is...

[*Silence for 42 seconds, one for each original contestant in the series. If this were YouTube, a very long ad break would be placed here.*]

#### Flat 2

[*The kids (especially Ita and Ivor) watch the television intently. Pencil herself looks a bit bored.*]

* **C****i****l****l****ita** (Ita): Come on!
* **Iv****j****ær** (Ivor): Say it already, Two!
* **R****h****o****z****a**: Mum and Dad aren't even in the show any more. Who cares?
* **[** **C****i****l****l****ita** (Ita) · **Iv****j****ær** (Ivor) **]**: *Shh!*

#### Crescentia Tepe

[*Two takes a deep breath.*]

* **Two**: Wait, what was the topic of conversation? I've completely lost my train of thought.
* **P****i****n**: Oh, come on!
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Can you tell us already?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: We want to know, who will be eliminated.
* **Golf Ball**: Right now!
* **Two**: [*abruptly*] It's Pin, okay?

[*Pin gasps. Two flings the earrings to Remote, who catches them.*]

* **P****i****n**: Well, I guess my time here is—

## Post–Cake at Stake

### **Living room**

**Scene****Ita** turns off the TV as soon as Pin's elimination is announced. She cheers loudly while **Pin** can still be heard making her post-elimination speech in the background, not only on the Tec Pulcussar, but also on every TV screen on the Fovitwe, all of which are tuned into Cake at Stake.
* **P****i****n**: Up. It was nice of you to have me only in fourth place. Wait, that sounds mean.
* **C****i****l****l****ita** (Ita): [*at the same time*] *Whoooooo!* Pin got eliminated!
* **Iv****j****ær** (Ivor): Whoop-de-doo. /s

[*The younger children head to the front door.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Oi, Ita, be nice, or at least nicer than I am. Remote's been a friend of your dad's for two decades, but I've become acquainted with Pin for as long as I've known you children, and I think we've become pretty close since then.
* **C****i****l****l****ita** (Ita): But I'm not happy about Pin being eliminated; it's something else! Right, Ivjær?
* **Iv****j****ær** (Ivor): Hmph.
* **So****ld****a****ar V.** (Sol): Hope you like touching nasty bins, bro!

[**Pen** *sticks his head out of the door to the kitchen.*]

* **P****en**: Hey, Penc, could you please step into the kitchen?
* **P****e****nci****l**: I'll be right with you.
* **M****a****x****i****ne** (Max): We're leaving for school now!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Alright, be good, you lot!
* **P****en**: Yeah, study long and prosper! [*does the Vulcan salute*]

[*Soni exspectati of farewell. Exeunt* **Ita**, **Ivor**, **Rhoza**, **Zira**, **Max**, **Sol** *and* **Sam**. **Lou** *retreats to his room, leaving* **Yesa** *and* **Soniri** *alone.*]

* **So****ni****ri** (Sonny): I knew Pin was going to get eliminated.
* **Y****es****a**: Really?
* **So****ni****ri** (Sonny): Nope.

### **Kitchen**

**Scene****Pencil** meets **Pen** in the kitchen. He is holding two pages of letters.
* **P****en**: Alright, Pencil, I want you to look at this.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Ooh, let me guess first. [*sits down*] Are they the negatives from your "Mr. January 1979" photo shoot?
* **P****en**: Haha, like the BFDI Bachelor of the Month still exists! Does it? [*Pencil shrugs.*] No, this comes from Two. Look!

[*Pen hands Pencil the paper. We see briefly that it is a letter from Two, marked with their numeric coat of arms.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Hmm. [*reading*] "Dear Sir, Madam, neither of the two and/or all of the above." [*looks up at Pen*] What a terrific start. /s I'm not in the least annoyed and/or confused as to why Two'd waste all that good typewriter ink when a simple "Dear Rent Payer" would have worked wonders.
* **P****en**: I know, right? At least I keep my ink where it belongs. Chh.

[*Pencil continues to read.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: "You have received this letter because you are an eliminated contestant." [*scoffs*] Of course. "As luck would have it, this series, *The Power of Two*, will be ending in almost exactly five months. I know some of you are unsure what your job in the greater society will be once the competition ends, as the vast majority of you have been competing with me, Two, for the last seventeen years." [*scoffs*] And listen to what they write next!
* **P****en**: What, is it another two joke?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Aye.
* **P****en**: I don't find ethnic humour that funny.
* **P****e****nci****l**: They say... "  years".
* **P****en**: Uh.
* **P****e****nci****l**: It comes to 17, Pen. Perhaps I'd better cut out all the hard parts.
* **P****en**: Yes, please.
* **P****e****nci****l**: You got it. [*reading*] Dededededede-daah, two two two, dededede two, two, two two two, your job is... Catching on, dear?
* **P****en**: Just listening to what you're saying. [*Beat.*] What are you saying?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Basically, since there's no challenge to distract Two from in this episode, they're devoting all their energy today to the eliminated people, like you and me.
* **P****en**: Yup.
* **P****e****nci****l**: They've decided to give us a trial period for a particular job they've chosen for us, and this period will start sometime before noon, when we're all expected to be present for training.
* **P****en**: C'mon, Penc, let me see what my job is.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Alright, keep your cap on!

[*Pencil turns the paper around.*]

* **P****en**: Boy, I can't wait for you to tell me Two wants me to be a—
* **[** **P****en** · **P****e****nci****l** **]**: **[** Superstar! · Airport security officer. **]**
* **P****en**: A what?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Have a look. "The job that I, Two, think is most suitable for MR BENEDICT D SCHREIBER is that of **AIRPORT SECURITY OFFICER**."
* **P****en**: An airport, eh? I can be that! Y'know, the kids always tell me I've got my head in the clouds.

[*Pen heads for the door.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Oi, you're leaving now?
* **P****en**: Yeah, the airport's a two-hour walk away.
* **P****e****nci****l**: But don't you want to know what job I got?
* **P****en**: I do now. *Hyah!*

[*He jumps up and kicks the door back. Pencil rolls her eyes.*]

* **P****en**: What'd you get?

[*Pencil turns the second paper over. She screams and drops it on the floor. Pen picks it up.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Put that paper in my hands and you'll be running with it between your perfect teeth.

[*Pen looks down and reads.*]

* **P****en**: Huh, Two wants you to be a homemaker.

[*Pencil nods, disappointed.*]

* **P****en**: C'mon, you'll be awesome at that, just like you are in everything! Listen, Penc, I have to go now if I want to make a good impression. [*kisses her goodbye*] Can I give you some advice, love?
* **P****e****nci****l**: I don't know.
* **P****en**: Well, if you're going to be a homemaker, always make them with bricks instead of straw. [*smirks*] You don't want any big bad wolves like me to blow 'em down, do ya? ***Awooooooo!*** [*giggles*] See you later, Pencil, and don't forget: I love you. [*salutes her*]
* **P****e****nci****l**: Wait, Pen, that is absolutely *not* what that word me—

[**Pen** *closes the door.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Means. [*sighs*] I love you too.

### **Living room**

**Scene****Pencil** goes into the living room and sees **Sonny** in his cot. **Yesa** is also there, carrying a small library card.
* **Y****es****a**: Hi, Mum! What's wrong?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Two has assigned your father the job of an airport guard, while I have to be a housewife.
* **Y****es****a**: Dad, an airport guard? [*chuckles*] Brace yourselves, world, the sky just got a lot scarier.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Yesa...
* **Y****es****a**: I'm sorry, Mum. I know being stuck at home's not exactly what you wanted in your life.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Can you believe it? Me without a job! That's like you without your siblings, or, or your Aunt Match without a date on Saturday night!
* **Y****es****a**: Yeah, well, you know...
* **P****e****nci****l**: Anyway, where are you going?
* **Y****es****a**: To the library, to research names.
* **P****e****nci****l**: You didn't want to bring your brothers and sisters along?
* **Y****es****a**: Like I'd trust half of them to behave in a quiet place. Laters, Mum, and I'll be back in the afternoon, yeah?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Yeah.

[*Exit* **Yesa**. *Pencil sits on the couch.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: So, Sonny, what shall I do today? Take the pee out of the newsreaders or hire a cookbook?
* **So****ni****ri** (Sonny): I just made a *kinyesi*!

[*Pencil turns around. She does not look amused.*]

## Rest of the day

### **Maktaba ya Umma Public Library** – Around noon

**Scene****Yesa** enters the Public Library, a large building outside the Fovitwe that happens to be filled with books. In the background, some people either walk around or sit down and read. Some early computers can also be seen, but only one person is using them, sitting backwards in the chair. Yesa approaches the librarian's desk, where a book wearing cat's-eye glasses is sitting—on her name tag reads **Gleðibankabók Skirskotunardóttir**.
* **Y****es****a**: Er... hullo.
* **Gleðiba****nkabók**: [*through a megaphone*] ***HÆ!***
* **Others**: *Shh! This is a library!*

[*The entire library looks at Gleðibankabók. She puts her bullhorn away, slightly embarrassed.*]

* **Gleðiba****nkabók**: I'm sorry about that; I am normally a very quiet person. How can I help you today?
* **Y****es****a**: Er, do you know where I can find any information about last names and such... [*reads*] er... G—
* **Gleðiba****nkabók**: Please, call me Gleði.
* **Y****es****a**: Alright, erm, Gleði. My name is C. A. Yesa, surname unknown.
* **Gleðiba****nkabók**: Well, Unknown, if you will, please follow me to the computers.

[*Gleði leads Yesa to the row of computers at the side of the library. Yesa looks around in awe.*]

* **Y****es****a**: I've never done research on a computer before. Come to think of it, I've never sat at a computer either, except to watch my brothers and sisters play video games on them.
* **Gleðiba****nkabók**: In that case, welcome to the Age of Information. I am sure that with the most advanced technology on offer in this part of the room, you will soon be treated to a happy, happy time!
* **Y****es****a**: I'll say.

[*Yesa sits down. The mysterious young man in the chair next to her turns around, revealing a small wading pool with a West Indies-style stilt house in his centre. This is* **Jost Van Femslash**, *the kind of character who gets introduced in a backdoor pilot but quickly forgotten afterwards.*]

* **Y****es****a**: Jost?
* **J****o****s****t**: Yesa?
* **Y****es****a**: Omg!

[*They kiss. Gleði looks on, stunned.*]

* **Gleðiba****nkabók**: So you know our library's junior research co-ordinator.
* **J****o****s****t**: Oh, sorry, Gleði. This is Yesa, my girlfriend. We work at the college together.
* **Y****es****a**: Yes, and we've been dating for two months now!
* **Gleðiba****nkabók**: How interesting.

[**Gleði** *shuffles away, awkwardly.*]

* **J****o****s****t**: So, you've discovered my place of work.
* **Y****es****a**: Yep. I wanted to do some research, you know, for my siblings' sake.
* **J****o****s****t**: The self-help books about ill-behaved kids are that way. [*points behind him*]
* **Y****es****a**: Haha, no, this is about something completely different. With one exception, all my brothers and sisters have no last name. I only noticed this today when I was looking through Lou's papers from high school, and—*Jost!*

[*Jost leans forward to give her a kiss. She slaps him lightly.*]

* **Y****es****a**: What are you doing?
* **J****o****s****t**: Must be the lighting in this place, hubba kwubba!
* **Y****es****a**: Let's not do this in the public domain, Joe, you're acting like my parents!
* **J****o****s****t**: Eww. Please forgive me.
* **Y****es****a**: Aeh, that's alright. The last thing I want is for their names to be associated with ours; that's why I'm choosing a name from scratch. I want us to be individuals, you know?
* **J****o****s****t**: For sure. Just ask my kid brother, Joost!

[*Yesa laughs loudly but quickly covers her mouth.*]

* **Y****es****a**: D'you know if there are any books on surnames I can possibly adopt for the gang?
* **J****o****s****t**: Yes, but I don't want to lead you to them.
* **Y****es****a**: You must, it's a free country! [*looks around*] Or at least a free library.
* **J****o****s****t**: I mean... a name shouldn't just be picked out randomly from a book, Yesa. It is something you're gonna carry with you for the rest of your life, so it should come from a part of you that'll be with you for just as long. It should come from your heart, man.
* **Y****es****a**: [*pogs*] Wow, Jost... that was deeper than Lake Tanganyika from the perspective of a sardine.
* **J****o****s****t**: It was nothing.
* **Y****es****a**: You know what? I'm going to go home and do some more research. Thanks for the helpful tip, huh?
* **J****o****s****t**: Any time, Yesa-sa Gabor.
* **Y****es****a**: Was that for the slap?
* **J****o****s****t**: What do you think?

[*Yesa laughs loudly before she covers her mouth again. She gets up and gives Jost a cheeky smile.*]

* **Y****es****a**: Oh, and Jost, since I saw you at your secret location—
* **J****o****s****t**: [*rolling his eyes*] Yes, I know. I'm going to have to visit you within the next day. Otherwise we can't advance to the next phase of our relationship.
* **Y****es****a**: House rules, witch!
* **J****o****s****t**: Chh. Alright, Yesa, I'll come by tomorrow after office hours and meet your parents.
* **Y****es****a**: And I will try to find a couple that can reasonably pass for my parents. /j

[*They both laugh loudly.*]

* **Others**: *Shh! This is a library!*

### **Flat 2: Living room** – Afternoon

**Scene**Enter **Yesa** to an empty house. She looks around, confused.
* **Y****es****a**: Mum? Lou? Sonny? [*Aside.*] No, wait, Sonny would never be left in this place alone. [*Aloud.*] Where is everybody?

[*Yesa looks around a bit more, shrugs and sits down on the couch. At the same time, enter* **Pencil** *and the rest of the kids from school, all talking at the same time.*]

* **Y****es****a**: Hi, all!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Hey, Yesa. I actually went out and picked the kids up from school today.
* **Y****es****a**: Sorry, I was out researching.
* **P****e****nci****l**: No, no, you're good; I needed to get out of the house.
* **Y****es****a**: Oh, I know.
* **Sama****r L****a****Qass** (Sam): It's so different now that Mummy's eliminated! She's a stay-at-homer!
* **T****i****z****e****y****ra** (Zira): Hey, we don't say that word around here; she is trying to be a domestic engineer.
* **P****e****nci****l**: That's right. Okay, children, run along and do your homework.
* **Sama****r L****a****Qass** (Sam): [*going*] But it's almost the end of Term 2!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Which for you will not officially end until the last of your homework is finished—think about it.
* **Sama****r L****a****Qass** (Sam): Right-o!

[*All retreat to their rooms.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Kids. So, did you learn anything in the library today?
* **Y****es****a**: Only that a name must come from the heart.
* **P****e****nci****l**: You know, Yesa, this may sound like a wild suggestion, but have you ever thought about choosing my or your father's name for yourselves? I mean, what do you think of being "Yesa Triángolo" or "Yesa Schreiber", like with Sonny?
* **Y****es****a**: Mum, I don't think that's right for me, or for the rest of us, as a matter of fact.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Aw.
* **Y****es****a**: I mean no offence in saying this, but I've only lived with you and Dad for just under a year, and, well, I've been on this Earth for twenty-two years.
* **P****e****nci****l**: I understand. If you take your dad's name people will think you're harsh and aggressive; if you take my name they'll think you're too dumb to live. /j
* **Y****es****a**: Well... yeah.
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*sighs*] I hoped you would disagree, sweetie.
* **Y****es****a**: Why? Mum, this is my journey!

[*Exit* **Yesa** *to her room, thinking.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: [*nemini loquitur*] Tsst, no wonder it's called the "me" generation.

### **Girls' room** – Before midnight

**Scene**First view of one of the many small rooms in the flat: Layout-wise, the girls' room is similar to that of the parents' bedroom, but simultaneously smaller and with four additional small beds for each daughter; and the walls have been painted in bright colours. By now, the children are so well-established in the household that they have amassed a number of possessions (books, toys *etc.*), which lie about the room in a semi-orderly fashion. In this scene, enter **Yesa**—**Ita**, **Rhoza**, **Max** and **Zira** are all ready to go to bed.
* **Y****es****a**: Ready for bed, girls?
* **M****a****xin****e** (Max): Yeah!
* **T****i****z****e****yra** (Zira): Wait, Yesa, let me do my silent prayers!
* **R****h****oza**: This isn't the one where you face the Taj Mahal, is it?
* **T****i****z****e****yra** (Zira): No, you face *east*, silly Rho! Besides, that's the wrong religion.
* **M****a****xin****e** (Max): Huh, I thought Taj was a jazz guitar.

[*Yesa puts her left and right pointer finger on the world map on the wall—the left one is on Kenya, the right one on northern India.*]

* **Y****es****a**: That's east, alright. Ah, well, you go do that, Zairey; I've still got to brush my teeth.
* **C****i****l****lita** (Ita): Wait, I still gotta tell you about what happened in PE today!
* **Y****es****a**: Okay, what happened?
* **C****i****l****lita** (Ita): I made Ivor play dodgeball for me!
* **Y****es****a**: I thought that Cake at Stake clause thing only applied to putting out the rubbish.
* **M****a****xin****e** (Max): Yeah, but Ita went overboard. As usual.
* **C****i****l****lita** (Ita): This isn't going overboard! By my twin brother getting people out of the game in my place, he was, like, literally taking out the trash. Have you seen what the school makes us wear for PE now? Barf me out! Which reminds me...

[*Ita knocks three times on the wall behind her bed. She gets three knocks in return.*]

* **C****i****l****lita** (Ita): Duh, duh-duh... That's Ivor for sure.
* **Iv****jær** (Ivor): [*in the background, carrying a rubbish bag*] I know, I know, I'll do it now!

### **Living room**

**Scene****Pencil** sits on the couch, reading a book. Enter **Ivor** with a bunch of rubbish bags, catching Pencil by surprise.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Whoa, Ivor, what's with the sacks? Christmas ain't for months, honey.
* **Iv****jær** (Ivor): Yeah, well, it's never too early to start preparing! [*laughs sheepishly*]
* **P****e****nci****l**: Alright, but if you're going to play "Father X-men" or whatever, you should know that there are a lot of people wandering about the Fove during this time, especially near the Tec.
* **Iv****jær** (Ivor): Oh no, that's where I'm going!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Just be safe out there, yeah?
* **Iv****jær** (Ivor): [*going*] Yes, Mother!

[*Exit. Pencil rolls her eyes and smiles, returning to her novel. She lies down on the couch. Enter* **Pen**, *who jumps through the doorway.*]

* **P****en**: Eyyy, guess who's back after a fantastic first day at work?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Melony Griffith.
* **P****en**: No, love, it's me!

[*Pencil turns around.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: I know, just winding you up. [*beckons him over*] Rather surprised it took you this long to come home. [*kisses him*] What'd you do, run here in the dark? /j
* **P****en**: I sure did!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Oh. Least you made it back in time. I was getting worried, but not in that sort of neurotic way that all homemakers get typecast as. Just moderately worried.
* **P****en**: Penc, today at work I learned what a homemaker does. Turns out they don't build houses. Really sorry you have to be one.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Why must everybody feel pity for me? I'm learning to be content with my new position, considering it's just a job Two assigned for me for the rest of the week, and I owe it to myself to get back on my two feet by the time it's over.
* **P****en**: That's my Pencil, always good on her feet! Mind if I lie here with ya?
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*moving over*] Well, with our slimness there's room for three more of us or a third of a Spongy.
* **P****en**: [*laughs*] Hup!

[*Pen jumps onto the tiny trampoline under the sofa and lands next to Pencil.*]

* **P****en**: You don't mind that I'm a bit sweaty from running, do ya?
* **P****e****nci****l**: My boyfriend, after a long day at work, and with the head-ink to prove it. Actually excites me a bit.
* **P****en**: You too, eh? [*kisses her*]
* **P****e****nci****l**: Steady on, Beninator, there is a little one about to come inside soon.
* **P****en**: Okeydoke! How 'bout we just... look up at the stars?
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*confused*] What?
* **P****en**: My boss told me to look at the stars tonight and tell him what I see in them.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Why?
* **P****en**: He says people's behaviours depend a lot on where they are. Like when you act funny 'cause there's a full moon out. But the stars... they're, like... gravitacious, y'know?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Pen, we have to go outside to see stars.
* **P****en**: I don't know, Penc. I see two awesome-lookin' ones right here. [*points at himself*] Me... and me. [*points at his reflection*]
* **P****e****nci****l**: Oh, Pen, you dummy, you! Obviously you mean me!
* **P****en**: Hey, how'd ya know?

[*They both laugh. Enter* **Ivor**.]

* **Iv****jær** (Ivor): Whoa baby, is this something I shouldn't be seeing until I'm thirty? Hello, Father.
* **P****en**: Eyy, Ivo, how ya doin'?
* **Iv****jær** (Ivor): [*going to his room*] Well. Yeah. Saw Pie sitting on the Tec; she was chatting my ear off, discussing the philosophy of waste. Anyway... I'll leave you two alone for the next vigintillion years, 'kay? Good night.
* **[** **P****en** · **P****e****nci****l** **]**: Good night!

[*Exit* **Ivor**.]

* **P****en**: [*puts his arm around Pencil*] Now, where were we?
* **P****e****nci****l**: I was drifting off to sleep and you were going to have a shower.
* **P****en**: I was? I was! Thanks, honey!
* **P****e****nci****l**: No, thank *you!*

[*Exit* **Pen**.]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Sometimes, that man, I... [*laughs to herself*] Tsst.

Click **here** to continue to the next part.
## Notes

1. ↑ But in reverse.
2. ↑ I'm pretty sure it's pronounced "The negative of the negative of two plus two plus two plus two times two plus the gamma function of two". And if it's not, that's just how Pencil would say it. (More information on how this happened on the file page.)
3. ↑ If you remember a certain high-school-era *Pencil 2.O*, episode, you'll remember her.

**Fake TPOT** [V]