The Last Hill

The Last Hill is an ancient story written by an unknown Arcadian scholar describing the adventures of a group of mercenaries, focusing on 4 who are the primary characters of the tale. The Tale was refined and printed in 1841 in the form of a play adapted to the time period, and used extensively to glorify mercenaries (especially in the new world) as it painted them as the long gone sell-swords of ages past. In modern times the Play is referenced for the fact that all the named characters meet horrible fates.

## Plot

The play has 3 acts and typically requires a minimum cast of 8

### Act One

Act one establishes the main characters backgrounds and mannerisms, and also shows the pulp and specific type of comic relief to be used throughout the play.

#### Scene one

The play begins with 2 of the characters being presented, while marching in formation. They become fast friends as they both have absolutely no experience with combat at all, and are confused and ignorant about what is going on, and they both decide that they are in 'line to get food' when in reality they are marching to a battle. John, a foreign mercenary who only joined to gain experience before returning home and attempting to receive an officer position, marches next to Luther, who is the son of an impoverished Arcadian Noble. While marching the two begin talking and discussing ways to earn promotions, with a very large language barrier, just as the formation comes under fire. They form up, and end up near the back of the formation, where they continue their conversation in relative safety. They pause their conversation, as they both realize how hot it is within the formation, and both leave the battle casually to drink some water from a nearby pond. As they walk away, a nearby mounted officer mistakes their ignorance for desertion, and runs toward them, the same time that another soldier runs to the pond to refill a bucket, being used to wet the sponge of a nearby cannon. An enemy grapeshot kills them both, the officer's horse runs and breaks the leg of a nearby Nco. John and Luther approach the Nco to help, and his last word is 'take their place'. Luther acquires a weighted sense of duty to these words and grabs the panicking horse, and rides toward the head of the formation and begins shouting commands (all of them phrased as suggestions and none of them proper orders), leading to mass panic. John fills the water bucket and takes it to a nearby cannon, and then serves in its crew as it fires. Ironically, the officer whom Luther stole the horse from was actually keeping the left side of the infantry formation in order, his sense of 'honor' makes him ride directly in-front of the formation, even while they prepare to fire. Luckily the left side of the formation mistake his riding to the front for a wheel action, and the whole formation performs a wheel, which confuses the formation to its right, leading to a domino effect that results in their mercenary corps flanking the enemy. The battle ends with Luther being prepared for promotion, then someone realizing he is infantry, and another that he deserted. The highest ranking officer present decides to not reward or punish him and the he is 'even now'. The regiment then stops to eat, leading John and Luther to forever believe that they were in line for lunch. John and Luther drink alcohol for the first time.

#### Scene Two

Scene two begins with the regiment marching into a neutral town, with reports that the enemy retreated from it recently. The Nco's and Officers select crews to search the town for anyone who helped the enemy soldiers or anyone who might be a spy. The 2nd set of main characters is presented, as Dexter, a scholar who is only fighting to fund his younger sister and brothers education, and Alex, a street thug who is ignored and hated by everyone but Dexter. Dexter and Alex are in a tavern drinking when they hear the story of Luther. Alex calls him stupid, and Dexter remarks that he was ignorant rather than stupid, which leads them to get into an argument over the difference between stupid and ignorant. A nearby artillery sergeant agrees with Dexter, and calls Alex stupid, which leads to Dexter calling the sergeant ignorant, which leads to the sergeant getting his gun crew to intimidate Alex, which leads to a brawl. During the brawl Alex steals the sergeants gun patch, which he hides in his pocket. The Brawl ends with several officers entering and gathering work crews to search the town for Enemy Collaborators. Dexter hatches a plan to search richer peoples houses, while Alex vows revenge on the Artillery Sergeant. Dexter, Alex, and several soldiers go to a local nobles house and begin to ransack it searching for 'evidence'. Dexter fills his pockets with fine cloth while Alex steals a cigar box and a golden watch. The bewildered residents vow revenge which leads Alex to become very paranoid, and he gives a soliloquy on the 'curse of revenge', during which Dexter exits to go to a 'fence'. Just as he is about to describe revenge in one word, he sees the Artillery Sergeant entering a house, where it is assumed he is sleeping with a local woman. Alex uses the cigar box to light the house on fire, and he leaves. He then goes to the cannon of the crew member, which he identifies with the patch, and breaks open the lock on the lumber box. He sets several fuses near the lock, and hides a match from the cigar box near it, so that if someone opened the box quick enough, a spark would ignite the box full of powder and shot. He returns to town and sees that no one was hurt in the fire, but that a local woman is now homeless. Alex proceeds to stalk this woman, with the intention of making the Artillery sergeant mad by wining her heart.

#### Scene Three

Scene three begins with John and Luther discussing Alcohol, whiskey in particular, sitting outside the tavern. Soon Dexter appears, with a 'industrious smile' and Alex emerges from the tavern, kicked out by the gun crew. The 4 sit and Dexter pays for drinks all around. As they drink, a minor noble thanks them for their service and announces a 'liberation dance' to be held in a abandoned manor on the outskirts of town to honor their patrons nation and it armies. The men immediately begin to prepare. John goes to a shop and buys several books designed to teach the language to him, and he focuses on lines to 'woo women' and memories the relationship section out of context, Dexter begins to look up local women in town with the intention of the richest among them falling in love with him, Alex spends the time trying to find the 'right smell' which he believes will win him the heart of the local woman, while Luther spends the whole time writing back to his family, beginning a discourse with his cousin which he receives responses from very fast. The Scene ends with Alex laughing and rolling around in the burnt ruins of the local woman's house.

### Act Two

Act two serves to present the idea of the hill

#### Scene One

Scene one begins in the midst of the dance. John has attempted to talk to as many local women as possible with horrible grammar, but the women find it hilarious and dance with him. Dexter begins to court the daughter of the mayor, when he realizes that he has no attraction to women in general, and when she offers to leave with him after the dance he accepts it, and has a long internal monologue in which he realizes that he is a homosexual. Alex who has found the 'right smell', dances with the local woman whose house he burnt down, she then states that he 'smells like home' which leads him to tell her that the 'perfume he is wearing is called essence of ash'. Luther finds a local noble woman, and dances with her all night and they both discuss matters ranging from politics to religion and they agree on most and seem to fall for one another. Suddenly a local folk band begins to play a traditional song and they begin to dance the 'chairs dance'. In this dance, groups 3 chairs are set up and a female sits in the middle while two males sit on the side. The two men must then convince her to dance with them, leaving the remaining male to sit in the middle chair and 2 females replace him. The chosen one and the one who sat in the middle then go to another set of chairs, to ensure randomness and mix the people up. The dance begins and John shouts out vulgar badly translated pickup lines, leading to him being kicked out after asking the mayors wife to 'throw him all the vagina she has'. Dexter says little during the dance and has a constant internal dialogue about his new found sexuality, which results in a mishap. He sits next to a woman during the dance, with a man on her side and he begins to comically and lightheartedly flirt with her to win the dance. The man then says 'if you take this hand ill sleep with you' which leads to dexter taking the mans hand and leaving the woman confused as 2 more men sit next to her. The man who dexter grabbed turned out to be the Artillery sergeant who punches Dexter and leaves the dance in a rage.

### Act Three

Act three climaxes and is designed to inspire emotion