Lincoln's Journal

Before I begin, it should be known that I have a learning disorder known as dyslexia. I don’t know what type yet, but please be patient with my errors. Sorry I can’t be perfect.

### August 8, 2016

It was my first day of freshman year. Because I was born in the lucky month of January, I get to start my first year of high school at 14, while most of the other students are 13, suckers. Anyway, my name is Lincoln, a weird name huh? I asked my mom once why she named me that but all she said was because it’s “unique”. Thanks mom, I am so glad to be named after some old white guy who was president over a century ago. I honestly would have preferred if she gave me a normal name but spelled it in a unique way, like those weird suburban parents who name their kids “Ahshalee” or “Jaquee” or something stupid. I should really be thankful since I could have been named worse, like “Axel” “Yugo” or the worst name of all, “Guadeloupe”. So yeah, I was named Lincoln because, well I don’t really know why. There is no meaning behind my name, I wasn’t born to be a leader like Abraham was. I’m just some punk teenager who’s going to try their best to get through freshman year without failing, because right now that’s all I’m capable of doing. That’s all I am.

### August 19, 2016

Two weeks into high school and it already fucking sucks. Sorry, I don’t like to write swear words but Smog High School has the dumbest rules. For starters, I can’t wear my hat inside, how am I supposed to look cool without my hat? Secondly, we’re not allowed to leave the school during lunch period, but juniors and seniors can? That’s textbook discrimination. None of these rules even make sense, how is wearing my hat a security threat? Whatever, I told my mom all of this and she just laughed. I didn’t like that but she told me to list some good things about high school which I don’t understand but I might as well do it anyway to find out what she’s talking about.

*“The good things about High School” -A list by Lincoln Grace*

*Number One: Nothing*

*Number Two: Oops, we’re out of time, that’s all folks!*

Okay, to be serious, I’m happy I got three classes with my best friend, Jarred, and at least one class with my buddy, Mark. Jarred and I are both freshmen and Mark is a sophomore. We’re all swimmers, and speaking of which, another thing I’m actually excited for are swim tryouts in September. I don’t know who the coach is but I heard he’s a really good coach. The Smog Frogs (don’t laugh, it’s a serious name) made it to state three times in a row, so I BETTER make it on the swim team. My mom has no doubts that I’ll make the team, but I’m worried some other freshman who’s slightly taller and faster than me is gonna bump me off the bottom of the list. I can’t imagine Jarred and Mark being on the team without me. That would really suck, but I’ll just have to wait and see how it goes. I guess mom is kind of right, high school won’t be too bad.

### August 30, 2016

English is probably my worst enemy. I’m not bad at reading, I’m just really slow. People think I’m bad at reading because I feel rushed when I have to read out loud, and when I rush, I make a LOT of mistakes. The truth is, I kind of like reading. I love comic books, but comic books are for kids. So I keep my collection of DC comics under my bed, so mom and Alison don’t make fun of me. But sometimes no matter what you do, people always find something to laugh at, which is why I’m writing this entry, because I have no other way to cope with my self esteem right now.

Of course, it happened in English class, and guess what we were reading? That’s right, mother fucking Shakespeare. I know I don’t like swearing but hear me out. Ms. Miller assigned reading roles for Romeo and Juliet. Without even caring about my dyslexia, she gives me the role of Tybalt. She didn’t even ask me if I felt comfortable reading in front of the class, because I DON’T. No, instead she makes it MANDATORY for a fucking grade. That’s not even the worst part. There’s this famous girl named Lexi Cox in my English class. Everyone in the 9th grade knows who Lexi Cox is. She’s not popular for being a cheerleader. No, she’s known for being a dirty, smoking, drinking, idiot. She’s the only freshman who has a tattoo and she proudly displays it every day on her bruised and cut up arm. Jarred told me that she once got pregnant when she was 12 and she aborted the baby. Not that I believe that but knowing Lexi, it’s definitely a possibility. So while I have to read half the damn book as Tybalt, she gets the role of the nurse, seriously? She gets to read like what? One page? This was stupidly unfair to begin with, but I was going to step up and be a man. I was going to read what I could in front of the class and that’s that, but noOoOo, Lexi just had to ruin it. When it was my turn to read my monologue, I already knew she was staring at me. I read the first two sentences more or less okay. Everyone was still staring at me. I begin the third sentence. Everything is going fine, as long as I stay focused, but then I start to slip. I couldn’t help it, all those eyes were on me. I keep reading it out loud until stupid fucking Lexi has the audacity to giggle. What’s so damn funny? Huh? Whatever, I kept going. I would have made less mistakes if I just slowed down, but I was too nervous to think about anything besides quickly jamming letters together to form words in my head. Lexi just kept on fucking laughing to herself. Oh and guess what? Ms. Miller did absolutely nothing to stop this blatant harassment. I wasn’t even half way through the monologue before I stopped reading. I’ve had enough. The next thing I knew, a random book flew across the classroom and crashed right in the back of Lexi’s head. I looked at my hands and realized my copy of Romeo and Juliet was gone, then I realized my book was now on the floor next to Lexi, and the teacher was quickly making her way over to me. Oh shit. If I had a dime for all the trouble I got myself into. Ms. Miller didn’t yell at me, thankfully, but she did tell me to go to the principal's office. I grabbed my stuff and walked out. I never bothered to look at Lexi to see if she was okay but I got the feeling she was flipping me off, which meant she was okay.

Well anyway, the principal yelled at me so much to the point where I started crying in his office. What an asshole. As if my self esteem wasn’t already shit before walking into the office. My mom was called over to pick me up. It’s funny how quickly he turned from asshole to “nice guy” as soon as my mom came in. I didn’t say a thing to my mom when I got in the car to go home, I didn’t even look at her. I knew she was disappointed, I didn’t need proof. I was almost expecting a lecture from her, but instead she put her hand on my shoulder and told me that she wasn’t mad. I finally looked over and I instantly knew she wasn’t disappointed. She loves me for who I am, and I know nothing will change that. She’s letting me pick where to eat tonight because she knows how upset I am but I’m not that hungry. It’s only been a month and I already got suspended. To look on the bright side, I’ll be going to a new English class that doesn’t involve Shakespeare. Let’s just hope my suspension doesn’t interfere with swim tryouts.

### September 5, 2016

The morning I was officially unsuspended was probably the most awkward morning in school history. While I was going to my locker, no one was actually looking at me, yet I felt like everyone was watching me at the same time, as if everyone in the school knew what I did. For some reason I assumed Lexi spread a bunch of rumors about me as revenge, you know, because everyone knows that girls have a secret underground network to share information to each other. So I thought that every single girl that looked at me for .2 seconds knew I was some short tempered, raging, woman beater. Or they would glance at me because I was in their way while they were going to class, but I believe my first theory is correct.

My day was pretty okay, I was still adjusting to my new schedule but hanging out with Jarred for not one, not two, but THREE classes made my day from trash to okay. I’m still extremely thankful to have three classes with that dude. He’s going to be my best friend for life.

### September 12, 2016

Things appeared to cool down after a while, although not really. I was known as the bully that beat the ever loving hell out of Lexi. You can tell some details got exaggerated by her dumb friends. I think it’s about time I made it up to her, you know? At least that’s what my mom keeps bugging me to do. Mom was never wrong before but she just isn’t always with the culture, the modern shabang. She once said “T-sizzle” and I wondered if she was just trying to be funny or if she was genuinely out of touch with reality. She doesn’t understand the drama that goes on in high school. You can’t just “make it up” to someone with a simple apology, especially if you caused them physical or emotional harm. I really do feel bad about what I did but at the same time, trying to say sorry to someone as arrogant as her is like being forced to bow down to Hitler or something. I think I should confront her this Friday, that way she can at least take the weekend to either process and accept my apology or get drunk like she always does and forget I even exist, either works for me.

### September 14, 2016

I know I said I had dyslexia, but I’m thankful I don’t have anything else. I don’t normally think about this stuff but today it was bothering me. I kept wondering if my mom smoked cigarettes or drank a lot while she was pregnant. Even if she wasn’t pregnant, did she smoke when I was baby? Was I left unattended while she “worked” those late nights? I don’t know, and I will never confront her about it, but I don’t know why I’m below average on almost everything except science, and maybe history. I feel like I drain a lot of my potential with the stupid choices I make every day. Maybe it’s the genes I got from my dad’s side, since that’s a complete enigma.

Regardless of what struggles I face, there was someone out here that was born deaf and blind, yet they managed to learn English and publish 12 books in their lifetime. I don’t know how they managed to do it but there might be hope for me yet.