Chapter 6 - The Bandit's Blackmail (G&G)

One thing that makes darkness sound so appealing to the fools that
fall under its spell is the many tricks that come with it.  The
utilization of these tricks can allow said fools to cover up their
shortcomings in a way that will only hold them off for so long.
 Blackmail, for example, is a temporary solution to a problem that will
only get worse.  This is especially true when the one using this trick
is as dense as Xavier.

“...arrogant, obnoxious, malodorous…”

“Tubba, I need some advice!” Xavier shouted, struggling to have
his voice heard over the clubba’s continued listing of his brother’s
many flaws.  “How are you able to persevere with the knowledge that no-”

“...miserable, sarcastic, lazy…”

It was no use.  Tubba had entered a trance that could not be
broken by the mere shrieks of a pubescent bandit.  Scanning the area for
 an alternate method of getting the job done, Xavier noticed something
peculiar--the door to the shop was ajar.  Usually, it didn’t open until
the early afternoon.  Upon entering the poorly managed store, he was
greeted with the pink abomination known as Parin of the Place holders.

“Parin?” Xavier called out.  “What are you doing here?”

Hearing this voice made the duplighost instinctively turn around,
 and a hoard of items fell from her cradled arms.  Panicked, she hastily
 attempted to pick them up, which only led to more failure.  “W-what are
 YOU doing here!?” she retorted.

“Parin, were you… stealing?”

“Look, I’m really sorry!  I’ll put it all back, just please-”

“I am so proud of you,” Xavier said, a tear rolling down his
masked face.  Parin felt relieved, until the bandit added, “...but, I
have to be true to my incorrigible urge to be a jerk, so I’m afraid I
must tattle.”  With that, Xavier waddled out of the shop towards the
entrance to the Glitz Pit.  His stubby legs didn’t get him very far,
however, before the duplighost tackled him to the ground.

“Please, Xavier!  I’ll do anything you want, just name it!” she
pleaded, oblivious to the much better choice of gagging and hiding the
sadly weak bandit.

“Hmm…  Anything I want?” he asked, restating the obvious.  “In
that case, please come with me.”  Xavier stood up, refusing to admit how
 much the girl had hurt his fragile body, and led her around back the
juice shop.  He had pushed aside his attempts to get Tubba yakking in
favor of what he considered to be a much better plan.  “Him!  Copy him!”

“Alright, look.  I know I said I’d do whatever you desired, but don’t you think this is cruel and unusual punishment?”

“Oh, please.  If you want cruel and unusual punishment, go to
Yoshi and Chubba for mental help.  Now take on Tubba’s form, or I’m
telling on you!”

With a shudder of disgust, the duplighost complied.  “Ugh, the rumors are true.  Clubbas do have awful armpit sweat!”

“Quit your whining, woman.  It’s time we got onto the second
stage of my brilliant plan!”  With all of the battlers causing their
daily riot in the office trying to get fights scheduled and ask stupid
questions, Xavier and Parin were able to sneak into the red major league
 room with ease.

“Alright, Parin.  Prepare to be amazed!”  Xavier shouted, and
swung open his locker.  After quietly sobbing on the ground for several
minutes, for he had managed to nail himself in the mask with the steel
door, the duplighost had had enough of the awkward atmosphere.

“So what am I supposed to be looking at?” she questioned, peering into the darkness.

“That,” he replied, wiping his watery eyes, “is the entrance to
my secret lair, and the room in which my plan shall unfold!”  Taking
advantage of the moment, Xavier charged towards Parin.  The duplighost’s
 unexpected step to the side, however, caused the bandit to fly in
himself.  With the sound of a distant thud, Parin entered the locker and
 climbed down a poorly made ladder until she reached the floor of the
hideout.

“This is your secret lair? she asked, taking in her surroundings.

```
 The room had no walls or flooring, and it was no bigger than the size

```

of the locker room.  On the sides of the dirt room were pictures of
himself and heart encircled photos of the boo sisters, which Xavier
quickly tore down.  The only other thing down there was a worn out
crate.

“Yeah!  Pretty radical, huh?”  The bandit ran over to the crate and began rummaging through it.

Refusing to wait any longer, the stubborn duplighost said,
“That’s it, I’ve had enough of this.  Tell me your dumb plan, already!”

“Telling you about it won’t really do it justice,” he said,
placing a laptop on top of the box and turning towards her with an evil
grin.  In his hands were a video camera, a pile of rope, and what
appeared to be a reinforced fishing pole of sorts.  “How about I just
show you instead?”