Napping With A Mischievous Vampire

Vampire Girlfriend invites the listener over to her castle.

## Transcript

Oh there you are... take your shoes off. Hmm? No, I don't need to. These are expensive, and i'm flying. Yes... thank you for coming over. You see, I'm really tired... I don't know. Maybe I can finally fall asleep for the irst time in 400 years. What? I didn't invite you over here to drink your blood! I would never invite you over for that. That's- that's just not lady-like. I don't even know where you got that idea from, to be honest.

I'm- I'm shocked. I'm shocked, I'm even a little offended because I know it's just- it's just so not like me, and it's not true, and it's- you know, it's it's just a load of rubbish. Hmm? Well, waking you up to drink your blood? That was a one-time thing! Yeah, and it's not happening again. Oh, oh lord no.

Anyway uh, aren't you going to tell me how much you admire my castle, or my outfit? Either or is fine, preferably both. Oh, stop, stop! I know, I know. This dress is Italian and I actually stole that sconce from Dracula's New Year's party a few years ago. Well he has many guest, bedrooms so I didn't think he would notice.

No? Well hmm... it's been a couple of hundred years since then, so I'm betting I have at least a few hundred more before he realizes it's gone. And then? Oh... Oh God knows... He's old, I'll give him lessons on how to use an iPad or something and he'll love it... I hope.

Come in here. Excuse the bones on the table, I found them in the basement and I didn't know what to do with them. I can only assume I had a guest over and I forgot about them? But i'm really not sure. Who can truly say? Not I! Have a seat. Yes, well I invited you over for a very serious reason. I am exhausted, and as you know I don't sleep. No. I'm finding things rather difficult because i am just plotting and scheming all day.

It's very tiring work, so... you sleep, I seem to recall, and I was thinking maybe you're not a complete idiot after all, and I could perhaps try and learn how to take a nap from you. Mayhaps. So um, yes, will it work? Well, I have no idea but I am in dire need of some kind of rest. Well no, I'm not going to just watch you! I- I don't know. I think i just needed you here...

Yes, I remember how it felt to sleep from the before time. Hmm?

No, no, no not before becoming a pro speed runner. I mean from when I was human, ridiculous man. That is why my bed is covered in bears, see? Hmm... Well, what are you waiting for? It's dark enough in here to sleep, no? Hmm? You're not tired? Oh dear, I was hoping you might say that.

I have a solution... I am not a mosquito! No, no, no, I won't leave a mark. I'll just drink enough of your blood to make you tired. Come closer... {humming and blood drinking noises}

Well, I don't think i need dinner anymore... How are you feeling? That's what i like to hear. Come on, let's try and get some rest. There are not too many bears! Well, I've had a lifetime to collect them, so yes there are quite a few. Collectable! No, it's not hoarding, it's a curation of an exclusive and extensive collection. Be careful with them!

Hmm? What is that? Oh, you can hear someone downstairs? Yes, that's just my housemate. Ignore her. She's crying about her ex-boyfriend from 1907 or something. Lame! She is quite the drama queen, don't worry about that. Come closer and keep me warm.

Hmm? I'm not staring! No, I'm not! I'm trying to learn from you for once, dummy. Now, do the thingy. Fall asleep. Even if I don't manage to, you'll be safe with me. You saw the moat outside... the drawbridge is up... my status is offline on Discord and my phone is on silent... you have nothing to worry about, darling... good night.