Rudolph & Frosty's Christmas in July Review

**Bob:** \*gives his signature two-finger salute\* Hey, guys. If there's one thing I love, it's the fact that my show is able to bring so much happiness and joy to you and so many others on a regular basis. I know I say this all the time but, honestly, I do love you guys, and... all I want to do is just give you more and more of what I got. So, on that note...

*Bob snaps his fingers and his room, as well as his outfit, changes into a Christmassy theme and "Sleigh Ride" starts playing in the background.*

**Bob:** Welcome, one and all, to my first installment of "Christmas in July". Since they say that we should keep the spirit of Christmas all throughout the year, we're gonna look at some of the worst holiday movies ever made. So, let's kick things off with "Rudolph & Frosty's Christmas in July".

*Various clips from the movie play as the overture is heard in the background.*

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* Today's movie features our favorite yuletide freak of nature: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and the most notorious iceman since Mr. Freeze: Frosty the Snowman. It was produced by Rankin/Bass, yet unlike our title characters' respective movies that had nothing to do with each other, this movie tries to tie them into a shared cinematic universe.

*Cut to both a movie poster for "The Avengers" and "Batman VS Superman: Dawn of Justice", respectively.*

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* Sadly, this idea wouldn't work until several decades after this movie's release. And even more sad, it would go back to not working again only a few years later. The first thing that bugs me is the way that our main characters were designed. Why does Rudolph have smaller antlers than he did at the end of his first movie, and why is Frosty wearing orange? Rudolph is *not* a little kid, and *those* are not Winter colors. We're also introduced to Frosty's family. He met his wife, Crystal, in the movie, "Frosty's Winter Wonderland", and then they had some kids with completely interchangeable personalities. There must not have been any magic in that old condom he found.

*Rudolph is trying to show off his glowing nose to Frosty's two children, Milly & Chilly, but it keeps on fading out.*

**Frosty (Jackie Vernon):** Rudolph!

**Milly:** What's the matter with your nose?

**Rudolph (Billie Mae Richards):** I- I don't know. I-It... It's going out!

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* Don't worry, Rudolph, we have pills for that sort of thing now. In all seriousness, though, we do see Rudolph's nose burn out later in the movie, and it is a pretty big deal. However, there is only one thing that can make his nose go out, and that one thing is not happening right here. So, what the hell is going on? I have no idea.

*Cut to a picture of an intoxicated man on the toilet, dressed in a Glinda costume and holding a wine glass.*

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* Maybe the Plot Convenience Fairy is drunk. After the opening credits, we're greeted by Santa Claus himself, played once again by Mickey Rooney.

*Cut to a clip from the song "Be Prepared to Pay" from "Santa Claus is Comin' to Town".*

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* He played Santa (called Kris Kringle) in "Santa Claus is Comin' to Town", which means that **that** movie is now in continuity with Frosty and Rudolph, too.

*Cut back to Bob who, on a side note, is wearing a "Quilty Pleasure" outfit from OppoSuits and a black top-hat with silver tinsel wrapped around the base.*

**Bob:** And, strangely enough, this shared cinematic universe does **not** hinge on an innocent little girl losing her mind and dooming all of humanity. \*beat\* F\*\*\* you, Jon Negroni.

*Cut to Santa Claus, who is standing in front of his castle at the North Pole.*

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* Anyway, Santa gives us a little backstory of our villain.

**Santa Claus (Mickey Rooney):** Long before I came to the North Pole, all this territory was ruled over by...

*The movie fades to the North Pole as it appeared in the past: a dark and desolate wasteland.*

**Santa Claus:** ...a powerful, magic king of the North Pole named... Winterbolt.

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* Since "Santa Claus is Comin' to Town" is tied in with this movie's continuity, wouldn't it make more sense if the territory was ruled by the Winter Warlock?

*Briefly cut to a scene of the aforementioned character.*

**Winter Warlock (Keenan Wynn): Mister** Warlock, if you please!

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* He tells of how this Winterbolt guy terrorized the land, but was then stopped by Lady Boreal, queen of the Northern Lights. She puts him into a death-like sleep just long enough for Santa to get himself established at the North Pole, but her power eventually fades away, allowing Winterbolt to rise again. He decides to do away with the jolly interloper.

*Winterbolt is looking at Santa Claus through his own crystal snowball.*

**Winterbolt (Paul Frees):** He looks to be a king! But, there can be no king of the North, save **me!**

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* He goes to seek advice from... the actually pretty creepy Genie of the Ice Scepter, and he soon devises a plan to trap Santa in a massive snowstorm. \*quickly\* But, first, he has to get Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer out of the North Pole since Rudolph was blessed by Lady Boreal with a magical marking, which is responsible for his glowing red nose that makes him the ipso facto protector of the North Pole from all things Winterbolty. So, he gets Rudolph out of the North Pole by suggesting he accompany Frosty the Snowman to a circus somewhere on the beach in the United States, which can only happen, thanks to these magical amulets that'll keep Frosty and his family from melting until the last firework on their Fourth of July celebration, which Frosty will be invited to after Winterbolt gives this balloonist/ice cream man the idea of inviting him to perform *in* the circus in order to save it from being sold to Professor Hinkle from the first "Frosty the Snowman" movie, who is now called Sam Spangles, and trapping Santa in an eternal void of dark, spooky fog when he goes to pick up Frosty and his family, since he's the only one with the means of getting them back to the North Pole before they melt, and with Santa out of the way, he'll then be able to seize control of the North Pole again, so he can be loved by the children of the world, despite having disposed of Santa because the children of the world would totally be OK with that, for some reason.

*Cut to a brief scene from "Spaceballs".*

**Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis):** \*to the viewers\* Everybody got that?

**Bob:** We're not even ten minutes in, and we've completely jumped the rails here. I mean... I know that *Santa Claus* is not exactly the same guy as *Saint Nicholas*, who dropped coins into people's shoes, but... **what the hell's going on here?!** \*voiceover\* So, yeah, we have "Rule 63" Stormella here, trying to keep Santa fogbound, so that he can take over the North Pole and be loved by children all over the world, as if that had any bearing on his power before. \*sarcastic\* Because this is someone you'd want giving toys to little kids.

*Cut to another clip of Winterbolt with Bob's voice superimposed over his own.*

**Bob:** \*imitating Winterbolt\* Here, child. Take this toy, so that you will love me. It drips with the blood of Santa Claus. \*laughs evilly as lightning crashes\*

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* Oh, and, uh... you might have figured out one really big problem with Winterbolt's plan, aside from how ridiculously and pointlessly elaborate it is, *he has the power of suggestion*. If he can plant ideas into people's heads and get them to do what he wants, why doesn't he just give Santa the idea of walking off of a cliff or something? Also, why give Rudolph this retcon of being blessed by Boreal, so that he now has her power of the Northern Lights?

*Cut to the original Rudolph movie.*

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* His story of overcoming adversity and saving the day with the very thing that caused him nothing but heartache was great. But now, apparently, it was the will of the gods this whole time? And, worst of all, it's granted to him when he's only *a few minutes old*. Does he have any idea what's happening? Why not bequeath this godly gift to one of Santa's more seasoned flyers, like Donner or Comet?

*Cut back to Bob.*

**Bob:** Or, is Rudolph supposed to be the Messiah or something? \*shrugs\*

**Lady Boreal (Nellie Bellflower):** Your nose will glow, so long as you use it for good. If you are tempted, even once, to use it for an evil purpose, it will be extinguished forever. Do you understand?

**Bob:** \*voiceover, imitating the infant Rudolph\* I don't even know who I am! \*normal\* And one misuse of his nose, and he loses it forever?

*Cut to a German poster of Adolf Hitler carrying the Nazi flag.*

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* Evil wouldn't exist at all if it didn't know how to present itself as something good. Can't you give this newborn child some kind of leeway?

*Cut again to the original Rudolph special.*

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* What about the time he got excited over how Clarice thought he was "cude"? Or the time he kept his nose on when his friends were trying to get some sleep? He wasn't using his nose for good during those times, so shouldn't he have lost its power?

*An instrumental version of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" starts playing.*

**Bob:** \*voiceover, singing\* Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

didn't know how to use his nose,

because the fairy did not

give him any directions that were easy to understand

All of the other reindeer

wondered, "What the f\*\*\* was that?"

They never questioned it further,

because he used it improperly and then lost it forever, what was the point of giving it to him?

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* Back to the plot, this guy named Milton comes in to get some more ice cream for his circus by getting it from a secret cache at the North Pole. \*sarcastic\* Because, of course, that's the best way to keep ice cream cold and get it to where you want to sell it in a timely fashion. Winterbolt gives him the idea to take Frosty and Rudolph to the circus to save it from going under, and away they go. Oh, and, uh... you remember me saying that Santa was the only one who could get Frosty home in a reasonable amount of time? That wasn't his idea. Check this out.

*Winterbolt takes a pile of snow and whispers something into it. Then, he blows on it, which transports it into Santa's noggin, giving him an idea.*

**Santa Claus:** Hey, I just got a wonderful idea!

**Bob:** \*voiceover, imitating Santa\* I'm just gonna walk off a cliff because Winterbolt listened to Bobsheaux's suggestion. \*normal\* Yeah, he gets the idea because Winterbolt **gave** him the idea. This whole movie could be over in two seconds since, I repeat, **Winterbolt has the power to twist the wills of men!** Ugh, anyway, Rudolph, Frosty, and "who gives a crap" make it to Boringville, USA.

**Crystal (Shelley Winters):** \*admiring the view from the hot-air balloon\* Oh, Frosty, it's lovely!

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* It is?

*Cut to a clip from the song "In Summer" from Disney's "Frozen", and then to a picture of the inside of a circus tent.*

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* With the way you've been exposed to Winter your entire lives, the beauty of Spring and Summer that you should be experiencing should be done up in bright, vibrant colors. Combine that with your typical circus imagery, we should be getting a real treat for the eyes. But, instead, we get this bland, muted pile of dirt that's home to the ugliest circus I've ever seen. Yech! They get a little song sung by the ringleader, Ethel Merman, but since there's no point or purpose, let's move on. Back at the North Pole, Winterbolt decides that his plan isn't needlessly complicated enough, so he goes to the "Cave of Lost Rejections". First, the Island of Misfit Toys, now the Cave of Lost Rejections, the North Pole is a very discriminating place, isn't it? Who would he be looking for in a place like this?

*Winterbolt is seen consulting his "Genie of the Ice Scepter" for someone who could lure Rudolph to the dark side.*

**Winterbolt:** Find me a reindeer as mean as Rudolph is kind, as cunning as Rudolph is guileless, as selfish as Rudolph is giving. A corrupt, cunning knave of a creature with ambition to equal my own.

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* I would imagine that of all the incredibly talented reindeer that Santa could have selected for his sleigh team, he picked the eight that he did because they looked very friendly and welcoming; in the event that he's actually spotted, he wants to look as presentable as possible. \*in a menacing tone\* Winterbolt, however, is seeking a reindeer who is mean, selfish, ambitious, a corrupt, cunning knave of a creature. He finds the cell this deplorable delinquent is festering in, and he reveals the vile monstrosity to the world...

*A picture of a monstrous, sinister-looking reindeer appears for a couple seconds. Then, Winterbolt uses his ice scepter to drag the creature out from its cell, revealing it to not be exactly as threatening as it seemed.*

**Scratcher (Alan Sues):** All right, all right, for crying out loud! I'll pay the rent.

*Cut back to Bob.*

**Bob:**  The reindeer that he seeks is supposed to be *pure, unadulterated evil*... and, instead, he gets a melted bunny rabbit with the voice of Andy Dick? \*beat\* You fail, movie. \*voiceover\* Meanwhile, Rudolph and Frosty are ready to start the show.

**Lilly Loraine (Ethel Merman):** Life with the circus is like life with a guy. Sometimes you're low, and sometimes you're high.

*Another song starts up.*

**Lilly Loraine:** \*singing\* Chicken today and feathers tomorrow

One day is good, and the next day there's sorrow...

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* All right, I know that it's Ethel Merman and all, but can't you give her an actual reason for breaking into song? I know you can make a song about anything, but do you need to make a song out of everything?

**Lilly Loraine:** \*singing\* I don't care what, long as I got my guy!

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* And, what guy are you talking about? One of the clowns? Chief Running Stereotype? Or are you implying that you're having a little tryst with Milton?

*We see a lion tamer with a couple of lions as Lilly continues her song.*

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* King Moonracer? What are you doing here? \*imitating King Moonracer\* They took my crown and ripped my wings off! They're monsters! \*normal\* Scratcher gets to the circus, thanks to Winterbolt slipping him some of Santa's magic feed corn...

*Cut to a scene from "Santa Claus is Comin' to Town" where Jessica gives the magic feed corn to some of the reindeer.*

**Bob:** \*voiceover\*...which was the explanation for the reindeer flying in "Santa Claus is Comin' to Town", but which was never a thing in "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer". Do you see the problem with combining these properties? The backstory of one clashes violently with the backstory of the other. Santa and the missus, meanwhile, are preparing to join Rudolph and Frosty at the circus to take them back home after the Fourth of July celebration.

**Santa Claus:** We work too hard, mama... Oh, I guess I'm not the easiest man in the world to live with, though.

**Mrs. Claus (Darlene Conley):** Well, only when it gets close to Christmas eve.

**Bob:** \*voiceover, imitating Mrs. Claus\* Then, you get drunk and start throwing things. \*normal\* Actually, here's a thought: why didn't the Clauses take Frosty and Rudolph to the circus themselves? The sleigh is a lot faster, and he can keep an all-seeing eye on his lead reindeer to make sure he doesn't get into any trouble.

*When the Clauses get up from the suitcase, all the clothes fly out onto the floor, and the two of them laugh. Then, we cut back to Bob.*

**Bob:** For someone who makes his living off of carrying millions of toys in a little tiny sack, shouldn't Santa be better at packing his bags than this? \*voiceover\* Now, that Santa's on his way, Winterbolt casts a spell to throw Santa off course.

**Winterbolt:** \*conducting his Snow Dragons\* Use fog to blind and snow to bury, wind to tear the heart that's merry. Ice and gale and sleet and hail! Santa must, in his mission, fail!

**Bob:** \*voiceover, imitating Winterbolt again\* I'm a little teapot, short and stout. This is my handle, and this is my **spout!** \*laughs evilly as lightning crashes\*

**Mrs. Claus:** \*Sees the funnel-shaped storm cloud\* Oh, papa! Look!

*Try as they might, they can't escape the storm and end up getting pulled in.*

**Santa Claus:** Oh, if only Rudolph were here!

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* Yes, because a tiny, bio-electric light can take out a tornado- oh, wait, no, it can't. Instead of focusing on the task at hand and trying to get out of the storm, Santa sings a song about how he loves his wife.

**Santa Claus:** \*singing\* I see rainbows when I look at you

and the rain goes as the sun comes through

*A chorus joins in as we see the younger Clauses getting married in a church, completely different from the original movie.*

**All:** I see rainbows when I look at you

rain or shine...

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* Wrong, Santa and Jessica did not get married at a church.

*Cut to Kris and Jessica's wedding scene from the original special.*

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* They got married out in the woods. Again, what is the continuity here? And why do they look like Bridget Fonda and Chuck Norris? Back in the states, Frosty's feeling nervous about his impending doom lurking on the horizon.

**Frosty:** I'm kinda worried that Santa won't be here on time.

**Milly:** Daddy, the show must go on!

**Chilly:** That's what aunt Lilly says.

*Cut back to Bob.*

**Bob:**  Aunt Lilly? \*beat\* You better not be related to who I *think* you're related to!

(Editor: They're not.)

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* Later that day, Rudolph meets Scratcher, who he apparently has some history with, not that we ever see it, and he thinks he can get Scratcher a job at the circus. Why is he immediately trusting of Scratcher when he's everything Rudolph isn't, and he knows this? Never explained. You think he'd try to shove his antlers up Scratcher's eyes or something. Oh, wait, I forgot. They made him a little kid again. He can't do that, can he? We then see the circus's Christmas in July show, playing to a full house.

*In the show, Milton is dressed like Santa Claus, carrying a bell and a sack of toys while standing in front of a "North Pole" sign.*

**Milton:** Where are my elves? Oh, hark! Here they come now.

*Much to Lilly's surprise, the "elves" are actually elephants.*

**Lilly:** Elephants?! I thought the midgets were gonna play the elves.

(Editor: Nah, they wanna play the polar bears.)

*Cut back to Bob.*

**Bob:**  They were, but they left because you kept on calling them "midgets". \*voiceover\* After Rudolph does his act where he dissolves a thick cloud of fog with his nose, because tiny electric lights can do that, Scratcher gets Rudolph to help deliver the box office receipts. But **gasp!** He actually delivers it to Professor Hinkle! Rudolph discovers that he's been duped, which means that his wrongdoing has diminished his power. Winterbolt then shows up just as the fireworks show is nearing its end, and he can fix it so that the Frostys can continue on without melting, so long as Rudolph maintains that he intentionally aided in the theft. Why doesn't Rudolph just tell them the truth, let the Frostys melt, take their personal items back to the North Pole, rebuild them, then dress them up in said personal items?

*Cut to the scene from "Frosty the Snowman" where Santa revives the melted Frosty by opening the greenhouse door.*

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* Wouldn't their psychotropic energy bring them back to life just like it did in the first movie? No, of course he doesn't do that, and the Frostys don't melt like they thought they would.

**Frosty:** Relax, Crystal, we aren't gonna melt. See?

**Crystal:** Why... why, you're right.

**Milly:** Mommy, we're saved!

**Chilly:** Oh, daddy, we're not gonna melt.

**Rudolph:** Congratulations. Now, you don't have to worry.

**Bob:** \*voiceover, imitating Rudolph\* You get to live while I'm stuck with being accused of a crime I didn't commit. Whoop-de-f\*\*\*ing-do! \*normal\* Rudolph sings a song about how life's gonna suck for him now, and he tries to dull the pain with a little reindeer coke. Lady Boreal then appears before him to offer some advice on how to get his power back. Is there any reason she can't give it back to him herself?

**Lady Boreal's voice:** Be brave... Be very brave... and the star in the snowflake will return.

**Rudolph:** You mean, there's a chance my nose will light up again?

**Lady Boreal's voice:** \*starts fading away\* Be brave... Be very... brave...

**Bob:** \*voiceover, imitating Lady Boreal\* Be vague... Be very vague... \*normal\* Then, all of a sudden, Big Ben the whale from Rudolph's Shiny New Year shows up.

*A clip of Felix Flanken from "Mad Monster Party" plays.*

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* Sheesh, why not just have Felix Flanken make an appearance, while you're at it?

**Rudolph:** And that's the whole story, Big Ben.

**Big Ben (Harold Peary):** Oh, that's terrible. Rudolph, you gotta get your nose back.

**Rudolph:** I can't! If I tell the truth, that means Frosty has to melt.

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* And, since you just told Big Ben the truth, you killed Frosty!

*Cut to a clip of Stan & Kyle from "South Park".*

**Kyle Broflovski (Matt Stone):** You bastards!

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* Speaking of, Frosty offers to give his magic hat to Winterbolt if he agrees to give Rudolph's power back. This would make for a good little moment to show how much Frosty really cares for Rudolph if it was actually *his* idea. But, no, it's yet *another* idea planted by Winterbolt himself, leading me to wonder why he doesn't just *make* Frosty give him the hat with nothing in exchange for it? Apparently, Winterbolt wants to make his own army of Snowtroopers, so why does he need to bargain with Frosty so that Rudolph's nose will start working again which, by the way, he's actually incapable of doing? If you want the hat, just **take** it! What's Frosty gonna do? So, yeah, Frosty gives Winterbolt the hat, much to his family's horror.

**Crystal:** Oh, no... no... \*starts sobbing\* Don't look, children...

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* I hear that this is supposed to be terrible, but they don't know that his hat was taken from him. For all they know, his hat was just blown away by a gust of wind. \*imitating Crystal\* Oh, dear, Frosty's lost his hat again. Come on, kids, let's go find daddy's hat. \*normal\* Rudolph manages to get the hat back from Winterbolt, and I guess that act of bravery is enough to re-energize his nose.

**Winterbolt:** Oh... Oh, no. No! **It's impossible!**

**Bob:** \*voiceover, imitating Rudolph again\* Search your feelings, you know it to be true! \*normal\* Wouldn't it make more sense if it was the hat that gave him that extra little magical boost that gives him his power back? Technically, he was acting pretty brave as soon as he was chasing Winterbolt. Shouldn't that have been enough? Actually, no. Wouldn't it have been considered brave of him to take the fall for that crime since doing so means that his friends will live? That's pretty magnanimous, right there. Why didn't that work? Hours later...

*A group of circus people are mourning over Frosty's lifeless body.*

**Milly:** Oh, daddy...

**Chilly:** But, but... can't he get another hat, mommy?

**Crystal:** Children, remember him as he was.

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* Hey, Crystal, why not just *kiss* him again?

*Cut to a scene from "Frosty's Winter Wonderland" where Crystal kisses Frosty to bring him back to life.*

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* Shouldn't that bring him back to life like it did in "Frosty's Winter Wonderland"? Rudolph comes back with the money so he can save the circus.

**Sam Spangles (Don Messick):** Hey, you got your beak back!

**Rudolph:** That's not all we got back.

*cut back to Bob.*

**Bob:** Baby got back. \*voiceover\* He (Officer Kelly) gives back the money and Frosty's hat, then Rudolph and Frosty sing a reprise of "We're a Couple of Misfits".

**Both:** \*singing\* We're a couple of misfits

we're a couple of misfits

**Rudolph:** \*singing\* What's the matter with misfits?

That's where we fit in

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* Meanwhile, poor Hermey's watching this from the North Pole. \*imitating Hermey\* My god... Rudolph, I thought this was our song. \*normal\* And, why is Frosty singing this song? Rudolph has lived his entire life as a freak of nature, finding scorn and ridicule everywhere he looked. Frosty was a celebrity as soon as he first muttered, "Happy birthday!" This is **not** your song, Frosty. But when Winterbolt shows up for a final showdown, Ethel Merman shoots him right in the fa- or, uh, I mean, she just throws her guns at him. I think she's missed the point of firearms.

**Winterbolt:** My powers are **gone!**

*His scepter melts into the ground as he starts transforming into a tree.*

**Winterbolt:** When the scepter dies, I go, too! I turn... I turn... turn! I... turn... into... a... tree...

*His hand-turned-branch snaps, and we cut back to Bob, who has a look of sheer "WTF" on his face.*

**Bob:** \*beat\* Normally, this would be the part when I say, "Oh my goodness, this raises so many questions", but... I'm just too busy recoiling in horror right now.

*Cut to a clip from "Jeff Dunham: Spark of Insanity".*

**Achmed the Dead Terrorist:** That was dark, was it not?

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* Now that Winterbolt has been horrifically disposed of, the storm dies down and Santa is able to get to the circus. But with Winterbolt gone, so is his magic, leading the Frostys to meet their melty fate. But it's OK. Remember Big Ben from earlier? He left to go get something from South America, which just happened to be... Jack Frost, another character from Frosty's Winter Wonderland. Okay, points for going to South America to get Jack Frost, who would be doing his Winterly duties at this time of year. But, getting him in a couple of hours? I call bullcrap.

*Jack Frost uses his ice breath to resurrect Frosty and his family, with the lower half of their bodies stuck in the sand.*

**The Frosty Family:** Happy birthday!

**Bob:** \*voiceover, imitating the Frostys\* Oh my god, we're in horrible pain! \*normal\* Now that the circus is saved, Professor Hinkle is taken away, the Frostys are reconstituted, Rudolph has his goddess powers back, and the Clauses are inexplicably in their traditional garb. The movie ends with Santa taking the Frostys home, while Rudolph stays behind with the circus for a little while longer. Why?

**Rudolph:** Gee, I kinda miss not being with Santa.

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* Because, apparently, he doesn't like being with Santa. Douchebag.

*We cut back to Bob.*

**Bob:** So, that was "Rudolph & Frosty's Christmas in July". And, even by Rankin/Bass standards, this was a weird one.

*Various clips from the movie play once more as the credits theme plays in the background.*

**Bob:** \*voiceover\* To its credit, the Winterbolt scenes had a very creepy atmosphere to them, but everything else in the movie is a complete mess. The songs are filler, the villain has all these amazing powers, but he has no idea how to use them. Santa, similarly, has no idea how to navigate through extreme weather or look in on what his enemies might be planning for him. Isn't Santa's most important power the ability to see everyone everywhere? Frosty is just kind of there for the ride without contributing anything of value, Rudolph being the messenger of the gods is just weird, and the questions that arise from all of these movies taking place in the same universe is frustratingly head-tilting. There are plenty of ways that Frosty or Rudolph could have had their own Christmas in July, or maybe even both of them together if you really needed it, but this was just not the way to do it.

*We cut back to Bob one last time as the review draws to a close.*

**Bob:** In short, stick with the originals, do your best to ignore this movie, and be sure to tune in next week when I continue to give you the gift that keeps on giving: my pain!

*Bob shrugs and starts grinning for a while until it turns into wincing a few seconds later. Finally, Lainie Loraine's (Lilly's daughter played by Shelby Flint) performance of "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" (that wasn't shown in the review, along with more than half of the other songs in this movie), plays as the credits roll.*