S05E23: The Gang Goes to Starbucks

## Last time

**Doin Gloin! Glass automatons! Buried in a lot of gelatinous cube.**

Qualish knows how to create pocket universes in glass cubes and is probably nerding out somewhere.

We released a jellified Kenku named Jellybean, who was acting as a kraken battery.

We found Qualish’s garage and we’re jacking his wheels.

## This time

The gang debates the merits of having self-view turned on for your camera.

Kanye builds himself a “diver suit” so he can go outside the tank. Qualish left really good notes!

> **Scott**: I’m not gonna make you roll to see how good it is. I’m gonna make you roll to see how shitty it is.
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Kanye makes…. A completely passable suit of mostly sealed armor. It’s not pretty and it’s not gonna last. Make those few functional minutes count.

> **Um**: well…. Would it fail, or spectacularly fail?
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> **DM**: there are rules for being sucked into a cube. And it’s not great.
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> **Um**: Usually you enter a cube, in this case… the cube is entering you?
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While Kanye is working, Nissa decides she wants to be the driver of the tank. Luckily for her, Qualish has made the seat and wheel configurable, since he is also a shorty (gnome). Awesome, she’s driving this thing!

Kanye calls shotgun…. Which runs the manipulator arms…. Which can open alternate dimensions…. On second thought, Carlos gets shotgun.

Nissa doesn’t ask for permission and heads into the goo to visit the observatory.

There are city scenes formed from glass people in the goo, and the little baubles are everywhere.  They don’t appear to be moving, but Kanye wonders whether they’re actually moving reeeeeealllllly sloooooooooooooowly. He makes Nissa pull over near a glass person to take a look. The gang observes that the figures are so convincingly lifelike! Kanye’s trained sculptor’s eyes tell him these are not visibly crafted, the level of detail is too great! Um, primed to watch intently, is really sure they’re completely inert and not in motion.

Looks like a normal city, except there sure are a lot of Kenku here. They’re not usually city folk.

Kanye wonders whether they would break.

> **DM**: …. Roll a wisdom check.
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Even though he knows better and knows the look Nissa is going to give him, Kanye pinches a glass statue with the pincers (an old man sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons). When it shatters, he notices there are no air bubbles, it’s just solid glass through and through. Nissa gives him *the look*.

Carlos looks around at the glass spheres. From afar, they appear to all be the same.

Kanye needs to know whether his brain is going to these other dimensions, or if your body goes, and can you even get back if you go? Kanye thinks the gang should be super careful, what if a bauble changes the course of your entire life? (Kanye appears to have learned from his past mistakes.)

Nissa drives to the observatory. As the gang drives, the gang notices that these scenes of life seem to have been cobbled together -- they don’t always actually match what’s happening. Kids playing aren’t all looking in the same direction, people aren’t sitting in the right way on benches. It’s like someone with a lot of glass bodies has assembled them into scenes with varied success. It’s unnerving, everything is just a little off and too structured. They are looking for things that stand out but the gang is just seeing the same weird thing everywhere they go.

The gang gets to the observatory. Um points and Nissa notices that there is an astronomer sitting on the lawn at the observatory with a telescope. The telescope’s glass is made out of a bauble-- but there is a rainbow refracting through it, which tells them it’s made of crystal instead of glass.

The gang decides to climb up out of the goo before they use the bauble. Kanye decides they should take a glass figure (an old man with his arm around an old woman, having a very nice day) to the surface. The glass figure is slimy but does not change. They park the tank just outside the observatory. It’s filled with mostly detritus -- rotten furniture, astronomy stuff, old maps…. Kanye doesn’t see any signs that the room has been disturbed-- there’s a thick layer of dust. Um notices the maps are all charting star movements. He also noticed there are no glass figurines or baubles up here. He also realizes there are glass figurines above the slime in other places, but they are posed like statuary, not in poses.

Could the location of the baubles tell them what they’re for? Should they try one of the “normal” ones first for a baseline or the special ones?

The gang remembers they can’t take their pocket dimensions into a dimensional portal or they disappear.  They set them all down.

Um chooses a soccer ball and Kanye pushes the button. Nothing happens.

Ok, let’s do it.  Carlos picks up the crystal bauble and Kanye pushes the button.  Their vision goes white.

When it clears, they are in their own bodies! They are standing on a street corner in a city they’re sure they’ve never been to, but feels familiar.  Nissa looks around and doesn’t see any people who are other races.  They’re starting to get weird looks, but no one is stopping them. The buildings are all very tall  -- stone or brick with large glass windows.  They see some train tracks, and a train approaches-- the strangest they’ve ever seen.  A white train carriage with no visible means of propulsion.  It pulls into the station and makes a loud dinging sound.  A voice says something in a language they do not recognize.  They feel compelled to get moving, and go to the left.  They can smell water in the air, and hear sea birds.

Nissa casts comprehend languages.  She is almost immediately overwhelmed by conversations around her.  People around them are making comments about “renfair freaks” and “hobbits”, whatever that means, but their voices are not kind.  The train says, “This is a red line train to city center, doors to my right.”  Behind them is a glass and brick building.  To their left is a granite building with a wrought iron fence and a green lawn.

Nissa touches a map with squiggly lines.  It’s clear to her she’s reading a map of “public transit” through the city.  They are here! That building with the green lawn is “Pioneer Courthouse”.

Kanye wants to check out a store with clothing in a style he’s never seen before.  He’s really attracted to some tracksuits.

They all want to go into the courthouse.  Kanye wants to go to the store.  Nissa jumps out of the harness and tries to cross the street.  Carlos just barely pulls her back before she gets hit by a car.  He wisely understands the “don’t walk” hand and helps the gang cross the street safely.   They walk by some very aggressive panhandlers.  Nissa understands that he’s asking for money for shelter and food, but his story makes no sense.  Carlos gives him a gold piece.  The panhandler is completely baffled.  Baffled, but they take it.

The gang thought it was the courthouse attracting them, but it’s further down the sidewalk.  Um sees across the street, a large brick courtyard.  In that courtyard, he spots a familiar logo that he saw in the future-- the logo of a green mermaid that says “Starbucks”. The gang is so relieved they see something familiar. They approach the Starbucks-- it was the Starbucks pulling them all along! People are still making comments about how weird they are, but nobody tries to stop them.  Nissa pulls out her Starbucks card and treats the whole gang to a java chip frappuccino.  She can’t pronounce it.  He scans his card to figure out what her order is.  When he runs the card, the manager comes out.  He welcomes them as members of the pandimensional Starbucks club.  The gang tells him they’re paying in gold -- it’s going to be 500 gold.  Nissa tells the group that they’re being overcharged for coffee.  Kanye tries to intimidate him.  The guy gets ready to call the police.  Kanye backs down because you don’t want to get blacklisted from Starbucks.  Nissa unbuttons the top button of her….. Armor?  She says she’d hate to have a first pandimensional club experience and have to drop her super diamond platinum  black  membership.  He tells them to charge the gang 10 gold pieces. The cashier pockets one of the gold pieces and puts nine in the register.  He leans over and says “that thing you’re  looking for is outside in the fountain.”  OooooOOOOOOooooh. Nissa drinks so quickly she gets a brain freeze.  Kanye gets such a sugar rush, he doesn’t know what’s wrong with the people of this dimension. Carlos gives Kanye his frappuccino, and now Kanye is so hyper his hands are moving in slow motion.

There’s an artificial waterfall that is behind a brass rail.  Carlos notices there are some dudes smoking weed on the steps to his right.  Um notices there is gold light shining from behind the waterfall (even though there’s brick behind the waterfall).  With Nissa on his back, Kanye vaults the brass fence, runs towards the waterfall full speed…. His vision goes white…. And he’s back in the tank! Um and Carlos see Kanye disappear.  They follow. Carlos yells something he heard earlier, “Keep Portland Weird!!!!!!” It sounded cool at the time even though he didn’t understand it.  The people on the brick steps cheer.

The gang’s feet are no longer wet.  They do not have frappuccinos. Kanye is still all jacked up on caffeine. Kanye keeps the pocket Portland!

Nissa drives to the clocktower.  They see a couple baubles. A jewel falling from a sack from a thief fleeing a guard.  One in the fruit market in a pile of apples.  One upwards, the centerpiece in the mechanical clockface.

Um walks up the clocktower.  He uses Kanye’s glove to pick up the bauble in the clocktower.  From here, he can see the city!  The temple has a statue of a medusa head, snakes wrapping around the tower. To the left appears to be the palace of the city-- most of the stone statuary on the palace are Kenku.  They look retrofitted, as if they were carved down to be Kenku.  To the left of the palace, there’s a large industrial building. Protruding above the goo are two stone chimneys.  Um thought he saw a hint of glowing red light-- weird, it’s submerged in goo.  He brings back the bauble.

They’re going in.  Kanye reaches out to touch the bauble and  disappears.  Nissa, who was in the goblin pack, falls to the ground.  Carlos touches it and disappears.  Nissa gives Woodhouse the “we’re surviving Kanye together” special handshake and touches the bauble.

The gang arrives inside another Apperatus of Qualish, without the bauble.  It looks different.  Metal and paint is in better condition. They look outside and see the countryside-- made of gears that are slowly rotating.  Nissa is surprised to realize that they’re in the Mechanus Realm, home of the Modron Plane.  Everything is so neat and orderly! Perfect stone walls, perfect fields, perfectly ordered everything.  This time, they don’t feel a  pull in any particular direction.  Kanye feels compelled to mess something up and disturb the order.

> **Kanye**: Hey guys, let’s wreck some shit.
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The gang is in a parking lot filled with other weird devices, parked in orderly rows. Nissa is very aware that the plane of mechanus is filled entirely with ciruclar, interlocking gears.  Each gear has its own gravity, and in between the gears there is air and no gravity, so you can fly between gears.  Snow is all in the “snow” gear. They put the fire with the rest of the fire.  She knows the air here is breathable and tells everyone it’s safe.

Kanye gets out to examine the hoopty-rides. His eyes are drawn to a spot where a multi-masted sailing frigate is parked.  It’s six inches tall! It has tiny guns!! But no tiny people. He puts it in his pocket.

Now that they’re outside, does the gang feel a pull in any direction? Kanye feels compelled to go back inside the apparatus.  He does so. He looks for a “get out of this world” button on the dashboard.

Um finds some slaad eggs.  Daals wriggles and hisses at the eggs.  He’s super standoffish.  They smell weird.  Nissa looks closer.  It’s super weird that these eggs are stable outside of a host.  Usually they die and decay right away if they are not in a host.  Nissa reaches down to pick up a blue egg.  Daals is freaking out, hissing, spitting, biting Nissa’s shoulder. He calms down.  Nissa asks Daals whether she should destroy the eggs. He doesn’t respond.  She makes a slashing motion at the eggs and looks at Daals.  He doesn’t respond. Kanye sees she is struggling to do violence and comes over swinging his hammer.  He remembers getting glared at by Nissa earlier and pauses and waggles his eyebrows.

> **Nissa**: Smash it with a hammer, dude.  This is your moment.
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Kanye smashes it!  And the parking cops show up.  A tridone, with two squads of one tridrone and sixty-four monodrones.

Nissa doesn’t want to screw with any police.  She goes in the apparatus and stands next to the “GTFO” button. Kanye “stealths” back to the ship, clanking all the way.  Um  and Carlos walk back.  Nissa pushes the home button.

Nissa sees that Kanye was trying really hard to come up with a labeling system for the baubles.  He (with Woodhouse’s help) invented a thing like an egg carton, made out of steel. Kanye draws some nice pictures on some sticky notes to label them-- a Starbucks and a telescope, and a frowny face and a clockface. (Underneath, Woodhouse’s impeccable script notes that they are “Portland” and “Mechanum”.)

The gang picks up the “apple” crystal ball with the tank pincers.  They connect through the manipulator.  The gang wakes up again in an unfamiliar city-- more “familiar” in technology and building style. There are some races they recognize, some they do not.  There’s an unfathomably large spire in the middle of the city.  A man standing nearby says, “Ah, first time in Ptolus?” Kanye pulls out his scroll of pedigree and introduces himself.  Kanye asks for directions to the nearest Starbucks.  The man says he sells rugs and carpets from around the multiverse.  He says this is the biggest market in the multiverse and everyone comes to sell their wares.  Kanye brandishes the laser rifle and asks whether he can get ammo for it.  The guy is unfazed and unimpressed by the unfamiliar tech.

Kanye looks around for the exit. He spins around and can’t find it.  Nissa clearly sees there is still a glowing portal behind the group, through which she sees the apparatus. Kanye yells “We’re trapped!” Nissa turns his head eeeeever so slightly to the left.  Kanye yells “I found the way out!” Nissa reaches into her backpack and slaps a gold star on Kanye’s chest.

Kanye asks how he’d find someone.  The man points them in the direction of the spellcasters.  Kanye says, “Hey guys! I have an idea! We can hire a spellcaster to find Qualish for us!” Carlos shakes his head and breaks it to him that location spells don’t work across planes.  Also, no one has been able to find him, and someone else has thought of that before.

Nissa, looking out for her bros, mentions to Carlos that this would be an interesting place to locate an exotic strain of pandimensional marijuana.  He says he’s good but appreciates the looking out.

Nissa walks up to a fruit stand, and chooses the weirdest thing she sees.  There’s something that looks like a squirrel, covered in fur. The merchant says, “Ahhh, the rare Jora Jora, from the far north.” Carlos asks whether it bleeds-- nah, just juicy.  Are there seeds? Yeah, obviously.  He asks if she’d like it shucked-- of course! She watches intently and takes notes on this strange phenomenon.  He hands her back the jora jora fruit-- it smells amazing,  sweet and savory at the same time, like strawberries and peanut butter. She eats a piece.  It’s awful! It tastes like awful cough syrup.  Carlos sees the look on her face and makes gagging noises-- she gives in and throws up.  The vendor is appalled and offended.  Carlos assures him that Nissa is pregnant with slaad babies and can’t keep anything down.  Kanye and Carlos both try a piece.  Kanye thinks it’s ok -- Carlos thinks it’s the best thing he’s ever eaten in his life. Carlos orders another two.  One shucked and prepared to eat now, one whole to make into a fruit pipe later.

Carlos goes on the hunt for a puka shell necklace. He’s directed to a stand entirely devoted to puka shell necklaces-- from dollar store necklaces to haute couture puka shell.  Carlos says he’s looking for a necklace with alternating big and small puka shells. It’s the gold line. The shop owner pauses, noticing he’s from another dimension, and offers to give the necklace to him for free in exchange for giving a business card to anyone who compliments the necklace.

Kanye goes looking for a better suit than he built.  He asks for breathing apparatus, weapons systems, a suit that can work in multiple environments.  He is pointed to the diving suit supply lane.  Standing on a display mannequin outside one of the shops is the nicest suit Kanye could imagine.  It’s what he tried to build, a work of art compared to his shabby creation.  It’s got a shoulder-mounted projectile system.  Kanye asks how much it is.  The shop owner tells him if he has to ask, he can’t afford it.  Kanye asks for the gelatinous cube suit section.  He finds a very nice suit for 4000 gold.

> **Carlos**: Are we going to spend 15% of our wealth on a thing that does the thing that we already have a car and a suit to do?
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Kanye spends so much time looking at, and touching, the suit, that he will certainly succeed in making his janky suit better next time he tries (advantage).

Um ponders that he has not yet stolen any of these ridiculously expensive and exotic items.  Maybe next time.  Kanye tries to help him out by pointing at things he could steal.  Um does not do so.

The gang heads back to the apparatus.  Kanye labels the bauble with a sticky note with a dollar sign with a smiley face, and an apple to denote its found origin.  Nissa carefully adds “Ptolus Market”.