Gobble Goofballs: Part 1: Happy Thanksgiving!/Transcript

This is the script for Gobble Goofballs, one of the episodes in The Angry Birds Show, premiered on November 26, 2020

# Turkey… With a side of hunting

(Open on Red walking in with a pilgrim hat)

Red: Happy Thanksgiving! Alright. Everybody ready for our thanksgiving feast?

Everyone: Yeah!

Red: Are you ready to get stuffed for the winter?!

Everyone: YEAH!

Red: Are you ready to chow on some turkey?!

Everyone: YEAH!!!!

Red: Yeah! Alright. But before we can begin, I need to cover the rules.

Chuck: (Groans) Red, you have been reading the rules for every thanksgiving feast since our ancestors founded Thanksgiving!

Red: Silence! I need to read. (He pulls out the rule paper, and reads through it in the span of 3 seconds) All done!

Bomb: That’s it? It’s like you read only 5 pages!

Red: But each rule takes me about 3 minutes to finish! But the number-1 rule is--

Everyone: (in unison) To not start a food fight.

Jay: Red, we like Thanksgiving, but every year you always forget the turkey.

Jim: And when you leave it turns into complete chaos!

Jake: Just like last year!

(Cut to Matilda, who is holding a sign that says “No turkey”)

Matilda: Yeah. Remind me to never give me turkey on Thanksgiving.

Red: Don’t worry. I’m pretty sure I’ve got everything… Do I have everything? (He checks his list)

Bubbles: So?

Red: (Pulls down the list, with a T\_T face) I forgot the turkey again.

(Everyone groans in anger, while Matilda is surprised)

Matilda: YES! (Everyone turns to her in confusion) What? I’m allergic to turkey! Don’t look at me like I’m not allergic to those birds!

(Flashback to Matilda’s doctor visit)

Dr. Anders: You are allergic to turkey. Coming into contact with touching or eating one will end with you inflating to huge heights with large spots.

Matilda: Thanks, doctor. (She leaves the room, with spots slowly appearing on her back)

(End of flashback)

Red: Well, don’t worry! I’ll get that turkey!... As long as there are some.

Chuck: Red you’re the watchbird! Your job is to watch the dinner and-- (He catches Red, only for him to see that Red replaced himself with a red sack of sand) Darn! Snuck out!

(Everyone remains silent)

Silver: (With a poker face) now what do we do

Chuck: Terence?

Terence: … (How ‘bout we just eat?)

Chuck: No. Bubbles?

Bubbles: (Eats candy like a madman; muffled) Eat candy instead?

Chuck: Too sweet. Stella?

(Stella has been replaced by a large pink basketball.)

Chuck: Oh. Right. She left.

Hal: Well, how ‘bout we find someone to be watchbird, mate?

Chuck: Hmmm…. That’s a great idea! (Shakes “hands” with Hal) Thanks, Hal!

Hal: Uh, we don’t have hands.

Chuck: Don’t care! Uh, Silver! You be the watchbird!

(Silver, shocked, enters retarded mode as the Russian communism song plays in the background)

Chuck: No stop! We don’t have the license to that song!

Jake: Oh come on! Isn’t there a non-license tune I can play on my song machine?!

# So… What do we Do Now?

Silver: ....Matilda the chicken, go get a uncooked turkey.

Matilda: Uhhh, where?

Silver: Uhh, (looks at the basement door) the basement?

(A scared Matilda has a vietnam war-styled flashback to Stop, Dark & Roll)

Chuck: Everything okay, Matilda?

Matilda: (Nervously) N-n-nothing! (She closes the basement door as she enters the basement; breathes in) Okay. You can do this, Matilda. You’ve been in the basement before! (She accidentally trips and tumbles down the stairs; groans) Oh, my head. Where’s the light switch… Uh, Chuck, where’s the light switch?!

Chuck: What? Did you say “slight glitch”?

Matilda: What? No, I said--

Chuck: I think I’m gonna have to update the basement.

Matilda: ………..WHAT?! (Chuck “updates” the basement) Well, at least there’s a small light.

(She moves onward, accidentally hitting a self-destruct button)

Automated voice: Basement will self-destruct in 3 seconds.

(The countdown begins)

Matilda: Why me? (She screams and escapes; only to be caught in the deadly explosion)

Silver: I told you to *get* a turkey not **become** a turkey!

Chuck: Oops. (Chuckles nervously)

Matilda: (angered) Well, let me guess funny pants. A self destruct switch was part of that stupid update wasn’t it?!

Chuck: Hey! Don’t blame me! Blame yourself! You’re the one who literally hit the switch!

Matilda: Oh, so now you’re putting the blame on me!

(Chuck, Matilda and Silver begin arguing)

Hal: Man. This is more serious than I thought.

Bubbles: Sure hope Red gets back.

(Cut to Red, who is hunting in the woods)

Red: I know that turkey is out there. And I’m gonna find it. (He pulls out a pair of binoculars from his hat, and sees a turkey napping.) Aha! I got you… (He leaps out) NOW!

(At the speed of the moment, someone else grabs the turkey, causing Red to crash and fall apart, literally)

Red: Hey! What the heck?!

(He turns on his flashlight)

???: Quickly! Get the turkey back to the kitchen or we’re-- (trips over a tree root, causing his helmet to fall off)

King Pig: Ouch! Stupid roots! Who plants trees in the dark?

Red: King Pig! I knew it was you!

King Pig: Really? How’d you know we stole the turkey.

Red: Literally the voice and everything else!

Minion Pig: I told you to stay silent! Why didn’t you listen?!

King Pig: Too little, too late. It’s time we duel for the turkey!

(Turkey gobbles)

Red: Oh, it’s so on! (Red & King Pig smash heads, snarling menacingly at each other)

Minion Pig #2: Uh, should we help or-- (Red & King Pig have already started fighting; sighs) He never listens to us.

Minion Pig #1: Wanna play Go Fish: Leaf Edition?

Minion Pig #2: Yeah, I guess.

# Phase 2: Chaos

(Transition back to the Birds’ House. Chuck, Matilda & Silver have turned their chairs around)

Bomb: Okay. Phase one was a bust. Phase two should go smoother. Right? Right?!

Terence: ……? (So, what’s phase two?)

Bomb: Eat the food?

Hal: I guess. (Everyone starts eating)

Jim: (Yawns loudly) Is it just me or am I getting-- Wait. (Growls) There’s too much food! We’ll never finish! (He furiously flips the mashed potatoes at Jake.)

Jake: Hey! Not cool! (He throws Jay at Jake) Oh! Jake! I’m so sorry! A-are you okay?

(Jay, furious, turns around and the three begin an intense food fight.)

Hal: Crikey! This is becoming more tough than I thought! We need to stop this fighting otherwise this feast is ruined!

Bomb: Oh! I know a way! (He accidentally bumps into Hal, who accidentally bumps into Terence.) Oh! Sorry! (Both turn around, very furious at Bomb, and they both attack him)

Ronald Jackson: Well, here we go again.

(A “To be continued” sign appears)