Pokay/Archive

This page is **archived** and is kept for its humorous nature. It should not be used as a reliable source of information, and edits should instead be made to the main page.

> "*Yeaaaah, dude, yeah, dude!*"
> ― Pokay's absurd catchphrase
>
>

## Information

### Nicknames

**Poke**
**Pokey** (by Roasted James)
**Gay Slut** (by Sneegsnag)
**Homa**
**Hoba**

### Former MC Name(s)

sweetbabyboyShtonk

Plumdad

Pokay

GondolaBenis

JokosNumber1Fan

BenisGondola

PokeDeLaHoma

doggn

helphelphelpAAA

Pokayy

PokeGames

Pokemonzach1234

### First Death

Shot through the eye by cscoop's flaming arrow.

## Links

### Merch

https://teespring.com/stores/pokay https://merch.streamelements.com/pokay

**Solid Son** **Pokaystar Zachary Sanpson-sama FRS** (often spoken of as either "**Pokay**" or "**Poke**") is a member of SMPLive and would sometimes edit highlight videos for CallMeCarson during SMPLive. He has the second highest death count on the server, only surpassed by King Burren by 100+ deaths. He is known for his "estranged" humor, and usually provides content featuring Burren, Roasted James, Michaelmcchill and/or Sneegsnag. He's also known for being a little pickle auh little pickle.

Though argued, his official height is 5'5 (Poke himself requesting a wiki member to mention that his avatar is not 6 feet tall).

## Crimes and Misdemeanors

> "*Yeah man, yeah dude, take this you little onion fuckers.*"
> ― Pokay on occasion before executing an act of terrorism
>
>

Pokay is infamously known for multiple terrorist attacks on the third world country of Uganda, dropping napalm-b bombs on multiple occasions. The attacks have been carried out over these dates:

* May 12, 1956
* July 19, 1984
* April 16, 1986
* June 11, 1998 「hoba」
* November 14, 1987

He has additionally been spotted around the downtown Chicago area, though as Poke runs the entirety of Chicago, he has not been apprehended and has likely paid off the local law enforcement and media to portray him in a good light.

The incomplete list Pokay's crimes on record is as follows:

* 67 counts of Third Degree Murder
* 22 counts of Larceny
* 71 counts of Public Intoxication
* 21 counts of Embezzlement
* 36 counts of Arson
* 37 counts of Second Degree Murder
* 49 counts of First Degree Murder
* 74 counts of Prostitution
* 69 counts of GAY
* 420 counts of Drug Possession
* 1 count of Voter Fraud
* 21 counts of Petty Theft
* 50 counts of Tax Fraud
* Drove without a license over 15 times
* Caught in possession of an assault weapon in a school 27 times
* Being extremely buff
* Bringing back the word "broad"
* Forgiving Micheal Mcchill of his sins while doing the plum baby dance

Pokay is due for over 120 years in prison to life with no chance of parole.

## Abilities

In addition to his humor, Pokay is capable of several superhuman capabilities, but chooses not to make use of them because he thinks it is hilariously ironic to destroy humanity with its own devices. Among these capabilities are:

* Immeasurable Strength
* Immeasurable Speed
* Immeasurable Durability
* Immeasurable Reflexes
* Immeasurable Senses
* Immeasurable Stamina
* Immeasurable Agility
* Immeasurable Athleticism
* Immeasurable Dexterity
* Immeasurable Accuracy
* Immeasurable Flight
* Immeasurable Teleportation
* Immeasurable Telepathy
* Immeasurable Bullet Immunity
* Immeasurable Homosexuality
* Immeasurable Penis

Pokay is additionally infamous for the "plum baby dance", a ritualistic technique involving rapid pressing of the [SHIFT] button. He is capable of performing it in either sunlight or moonlight, and refers to himself as a "sea pickle" when doing so, which has lead to this technique alternatively being referred to as the "pickle baby dance". It is capable of cleansing other players of their sins (as seen with Michaelmcchill).

## Transformations (Skins)

* **Hoba** - A variation of Pokay's **Homa** skin with assets from Solid Snake, the Flash, Goku, and Thanos (most prominently Snake's eyepatch, Goku's *gi* and the Infinity Gauntlet). In this form, Pokay is powerful enough to contain the malicious power of **asspenis 7**, even without armor.

## Equipment

* **AssPenis** - A legendary line of ten enchanted diamond axes forged and wielded by Pokay as his weapon of choice. It is theorized that Thor's hammer *Mjolnir* is a prototype of **asspenis**.
	+ **AssPenis** - The first of the **asspeniss** line, crafted by Pokay. It was used to slay ToxicSupport one or two days after its birth.
	+ **AssPenis 7** - The former strongest of the ten members of the **asspenis** family (boasting the Unbreaking III, Efficiency III, Sharpness III, and Mending enchantments), who betrayed Pokay. It was locked up for a time in Pokay's ender chest in an obsidian room, augmented by glass blocks reinforced by a thousand gallons of cum (as attempting to breach the glass would denote asspenis 7 as gay). It was theorized by Pokay to be strong enough to gain power from the The Void as opposed to being weakened by it, in addition to it possibly gaining strength from the fallen souls of mobs Pokay killed. It was later released and manipulated Pokay into killing a villager with it, which in turn caused a nearby Iron Golem to vengefully smash Pokay to death. Upon spinning The Wacky Wheel, asspenis 7 was erased and replaced by a map of a screaming Tony Stark, ending his reign of terror once and for all.
		- **False AssPenis 7** - A group of enchanted diamond axes falsely named **asspenis 7**, boasting the same enchantments as the original. Pokay, who was not using the **homa** skin upon finding the false asspenis 7s, realized that he would not be powerful enough to contain the real one without the **homa** skin and deduced the axes were fake.
	+ **AssPenis 8** - The successor to asspenis 7. Though initially nowhere near as powerful as asspenis 7, when wielded by Pokay's **Hoba** skin, it is "something else". It was later enchanted with Mending, Unbreaking III, Efficiency V, and Sharpness V, surpassing asspenis 7 in offensive power. Additionally, Pokay sought to have the axe blessed by the four Minecraft gods of the server, with at least AntVenom's blessing confirmed, making it the strongest **asspenis** known to exist.
* **Bumberclatt** - An enchanted diamond sword wielded by Pokay. It was plundered from him by Traves at one point during a hit, but Traves returned the sword to Pokay after a less-than-concrete success in a court case against Joko, where Pokay acted as judge.
* **Pickle Jones** - A series of enchanted diamond pickaxes wielded by Pokay.
	+ **Pickle Jones (1st Iteration)** - The first **Pickle Jones**, boasting the Mending enchantment, was lost to a lava pool after a donation ordered Pokay to do so, during which Fallen Kingdom was played. Pokay later stated the donation wasn't worth it.
	+ **Pickle Jones 11** - The eleventh **Pickle Jones**, which was used during the events of the End Chunk Error to slay BeefStew after the latter threatened to spleef Pokay into the newly-created tunnel to the void.
* **onkers** - A powerful line of eight enchanted bows wielded by Pokay. They appear to be mostly equal in power.
* **hoba** arrow - A series of normal arrows christened as *hoba* by Pokay.
* **Sea pickle** - The sea pickle item, which Pokay is infatuated with.

## Weaknesses

Scientists have not been able to test these methods, but anonymous tips say Pokay has a few weaknesses that range in effectiveness.

* In close-combat fights, Pokay is too relaxed, often leading to his downfall when he encounters higher-level entities possessing more power than him.
* Pokaynium
* The rays of the sun
* Ligma
* Obama's feet fungus
* Carson's steak knife
* Shoelaces
* 2 Fast 2 Furious
* Pokimane
* Michaelmcchill's habit of sidetracking/distraction
* Joe
* Sonic

### Quotes

* "It's a perished world out there...and that's why I'm an oyster."
* "Auh, look at me, Michael, I'm doing the plum baby dance, look, look weee!...Yeah, dancing in the moonlight-"
* "Don't worry, dude, I'll give you a dance bro - look at me, I'm a little sea pickle dancing in the sunlight, dude - yeah, man, now you're forgiven of your sins-"
* "Would you guys fuck an alien?"
* "...auh, i got armsss, i got limbssss, suck on my succulent limbs, eat my limbs-"
* "**meh**, **meh**, **meh**"

## Warning

If you encounter Pokay under no circumstances are you to call the authorities or fight him yourself, if spotted please report him to the following number 1-800-246-7743.. One more thing, if spotted and reported, Pokay will automatically **[DATA CORRUPTED, FULL SYSTEM REBOOT RECOMMENDED].** Should he challenge you make sure to try and exploit **[R̸͎͚͂͒E̸̡̤̳̹̽̈́̽D̷̛̙͈̼̉̌͗͜Ȧ̴̭̏̂̐C̸͕̗͑T̵̯̈́E̴̢̦̳̟͊̽D̷̹̬̜͗̓̉͘͜],** if this fails he will **[D̵̮͝A̸̬̖̱̻̍́T̶̤̭̼͆̈́͘Á̸̹̇͑.̶̤͓̀͊́e̷̔̄ͅx̸̖̋͐̓̂e̵̢͚̰͖̐ ̷̡̠̕ͅL̸͍̃̅O̷̬̍̆̒S̵̪͎̤̉͑̓͐T̶̢̊̏]**. Avoid encounters at all cost never mention **[S̷̘̄́Ÿ̵̜̫̒S̵̮̃̽Ṭ̴̾Ḙ̴̢̎̈́M̷͎͝ ̵͖̐F̸͇̳͊͘O̵͕͠R̷͓̓C̴̳͠I̴̖̘͋̑B̴̛̞̄L̷̬͇̔̕Y̶̗̹͒ ̷̛̺̊R̵̙̍̕E̶̱̣̓̈M̴̕͜O̵̬̬͋͝V̷̹͒͂E̵̱͛D̸̻̫͛̔]**.

## History with ligma

On March 5th, 1978 Pokay was found in a tense battle with a man known as "Ligma". Their battle raged for eons, in various time compressing chambers. Eventually after tiring, Poke escaped the battle, submitting defeat. Ligma has not been seen since, but is presumed to be in hiding plotting his next confrontation with Pokay. Any sign of Ligma is to be reported to local authorities, and government as he is very dangerous and volitile.