Stone 17

**Chapter 17**

Morning comes and Richard wakes up demanding to know what happened to Rahl. Kahlan explains that he just left, and Richard says *“I can't believe how stupid I am.”* Well, I can't argue with that.

There's some lovey-dovey talk and Kahlan makes Richard promise to never doubt her love. Uh-oh! Foreshadowing! She then lies, claiming that she drove Rahl off with her blue lightning. There's a bit where Richard rejects his old name of Cypher and says he's Richard Rahl. I've said all I intend to about that.

Richard wants to know who washed off the mud that was on him (again, he's a Mud Person, he should...oh, skip it) and dressed him. We get this rather...odd line from Kahlan: *“ 'The elders washed off the mud. [Healer] and I were going to dress you,' she said, as his face turned red, “but you were too big and heavy for us. The elders did that too They had quite a time of it. It took all of them.' “*

It took all **seven** elders to dress Richard? Are the Mud People pygmies? Is Richard some sort of giant? How can it possibly take seven grown men – admittedly, older men, with the possible exception of Savidlin – to dress one man of indeterminate age? \~/

I had assumed that, like all fantasy heroes, Richard was fairly muscular and athletic. It now appears that he is a sumo wrestler.

More chatter, and we cut to Kahlan trying on her wedding dress. She's talking with Weselan, Savidlin's oddly-named wife, and is worried that the dress is cut too low. Given that she's use to prancing around in a form-fitting Teflon wedding dress, this must be Vampirella-like. We get a stupid bit about Kahlan's breasts (no, really \~/) and how the Mud People casually compliment women on their breasts.

Next, we get a hint of the wedding ceremony as Kahlan tells Weselan: *“Where I come from, it is the custom to have a friend stand by you when you wed. To stand as a representative of the good spirits watching over the joining. Richard would like Savidlin to stand with him. I would like it if you stood by me.“*

Again the reference to the good spirits, and again the utter lack of any other religious trappings. Are there gods? Priests? Who performs the wedding ceremony? Why is it custom to have some random people – not religious authorities or anything – stand as representatives of the good spirits? Why does the bride wear a special dress? Does the groom wear or do anything special? Are there witnesses, for religious or secular reasons? Are rings exchanged? Vows? Is there a prescribed engagement period? A honeymoon?

\~/\~/

Suddenly, Savidlin bursts in to say that Nun #1 is back, and is in the hostel talking with Richard. With a wail of *“Noooo!“* Kahlan runs to the hostel. Nun #1 is just then offering Richard the Rada'Han'Solo, and he is on the verge of rejecting it when Kahlan intervenes. She first begs, then orders him to accept the collar, and verbally and physically abuses him for a page and a half, finally getting him to call her “Denna,” before he finally puts the damn thing on.

That was unpleasant. \~/

It is at this point that Richard reveals the third purpose of the collar, according to Nun #1: to give him pain.

I remind you that these are the reasons *the Nuns themselves give to ''***pre-teen children.** *\~/*

Richard feels betrayed, and Kahlan feels sad because Richard hates her. She hacks off a hank of her hair to give him, and the pain almost makes her pass out. However, *she shouldn't be able to do that.* It was explicitly stated in *Wizard's First Rule* that Confessors **can not cut their own hair.** But Kahlan did it because...um...have a drink \~/.

Why establish the rule if you're not going to follow it, Terry? Especially such a stupid and arbitrary rule?

So Kahlan is heartbroken and Richard is all grim and stoic as he and Nun #1 ride away. Once they're gone, Kahlan decides to set out for Aydindril and see if Zedd has anything useful to add. She decides to take three men to guard her. Savidlin offers to go, but instead she chooses Chandelier, Prim, and Tossy. Her reasoning is twofold: first, because Chandelier and his Boyz are the tribal protectors and the most skilled at killing other men. Second...well, I'll let Kahlan speak for herself.

*“If I don't make it, if you fail me, everyone will think it is because you didn't try your hardest. They will always think you let me die – let another Mud Person die – because you hate me and Richard. If you let me be killed, you will never be welcomed back to the Mud People. Your people.“*

How nice. Kahlan arrogantly demands that Chandelier leave his people and guard her, specifically because she knows he hates her (after she and Richard have repeatedly *denied him the right to speak).* Furthermore, she specifically intends that, if he fails her, he never be allowed to rejoin his people. Oh, and isn't that a nice bit of hypocrisy when Kahlan refers to herself as *“another Mud Person”* after having made it crystal clear that she doesn't truly consider herself one of them?

Our heroine. \~/\~/\~/

The Bird Man of Alcatraz backs Kahlan up, ordering Chandelier to guard her and informing him that if he refuses, *“'you will leave now and never return...if she is killed, don't come back. If you do, we will kill you...“*

\~/

Chandelier finally says that, if they're leaving, they should have a ceremony to *“call the spirits to protect us on our journey.”* This will take until tomorrow. Kahlan retorts that she is leaving in an hour, essentially spitting on the customs of her adopted people and refusing the protection of the spirits (which, she has every reason to believe, would be very tangible and helpful).

Urgh.

Drinks: 11

<Previous Chapter  -  Next Chapter>