recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
Thirsty Falls: Part 1

*Behold the wonders of the Trashlands. History-making festivals! Beasts of sky and soil! And of course, the world famous Thirsty Falls, one of the most beautiful, mysterious, and deadly natural wonders Cordelia has to offer. Enjoy nature's majesty while keeping children and loved ones far away. Enemies though, are welcome to explore the canyon's rim, as well as its floor.*

## Summary

The party leaves Riddle Guy early in the morning to head back towards Ruleshaven. They talk among themselves about the last few days, with Albee and Cordelia catching up on their complicated relationships with Bellow and Ivan. Stirfry pries about the same with Bellow and asks Ivan about how to better control his urges, only to decide he’s not ready for that sort of commitment.

Their path is blocked by a mass of vultures. Cordelia and Bellow speak with them to learn that they found a dead dire coyote, which suddenly reanimates and addresses the party. It introduces itself as SERVANT, a demon that raves about the nature of reality, time and flesh in between stiffly conversing with the party members. He attacks them, but after a brief struggle Cordelia places Cheddar’s coins over its eyes. The corpse stops moving and is absorbed by the earth, only for a nearby cow skull to shout about the weakness of flesh in SERVANT’s voice. Frederick de Bonesby turns back to try and run it over, only to find the demon has vanished.

They reach Thirsty Falls, a bridge leading over Cordelia’s only “dry waterfall.” Skeletons, buildings and other debris fall eternally from a spot hundreds of feet above a canyon only to be teleported back to the same spot when they would hit the bottom. As the only way across, they start to advance when one of the falling cow skeletons comes to life. SERVANT possesses the body to shout at the party that they must remain in The Trashlands and not return to their school. It smashes its body repeatedly on the bridge until Cordelia repeats her trick with her demonic coins, briefly banishing it. The damage is still done as the bridge begins to collapse.

After many close calls and near falls, the party works together to rush across the bridge. Frederick abandons The Shish Kebab Express to ride with Stirfry and Albee crosses with Bellow on Fanta. Cordelia has to throw Ivan to avoid breaking the bridge with their combined weight, but he runs over the edge while blindly hiding in his hoodie. Ivan falls, only to be teleported back up again. The party combines their efforts to catch him and drag him back in before they all fall into the falls.

As they celebrate their victory, The Witch Hunter and Joshy sit in The Teenage Woods. Joshy is placed in a pentagram and blows the ruined remains of a cockroach into it, presumably the former body of Cheddar. Cheddar possesses Joshy, recognizing the witch hunter who tells him to call her Virginia. The demonic patron reads Joshy’s mind and mutters “Oh no.”

## Link

https://rudetalesofmagic.simplecast.com/episodes/thirsty-falls-part-1-lJ5Bg0tT
Spilled Milk

A legless albino pig that exudes an anti-magical aura. He is left on a medieval skateboard with an oar in his mouth, navigating the halls of The Soaking Valley prison to keep magical prisoners in check. He is an example of a unique type of creature born among non-sentient mammals, who have roughly one in a million chances of being born with anti-magic powers.

Spilled Milk is not especially intelligent, even for its species.

The pig is found wandering the halls of the prison to restrain magical prisoners and demons. Frederick tries to distract it to escape before he's rescued by Cheddar instead. After the party breaks out of jail, he is discovered by Virginia and taken from the guards for using him without a license. She takes him with her instead, using him to hinder the party when she makes her arrest.

She brings it along on her hunt, but Spilled Milk is killed by a wolf while they are in The Woods Beyond the Woods. Bellow manages to destroy his body enough to finally cancel out its powers. Frederick salvages some of its shit, using it as a means of containing The Unpleasantness building inside him by covering his hand in it.

## Trivia

* Spilled Milk's powers primarily affect arcane magic. It has a lessened affect on other magic powers and creatures. Cheddar gets intense interference from his presence when trying to contact the mortal realm, and Bellow is still able to transform with his druid powers. His transformations only partially work, as turning into a spider changes him into an eight-limbed monstrosity.
The Trim Cuckold

A tavern in the Suggestions District of Filet Town within the city of Payola. Snake Professional sends the Come At the King party members here to find a humanly-beautiful Bugbear that will help them in their quest to kill the emperor. The tavern is revealed to be enchanted with dark magic that prevents the bouncer both from opening the door to those who do not recite either the current password or the Eternal Password, and from telling the password to visitors.

The building was once a slaughterhouse in happier times, or at least, the bathroom was.

## The Eternal Password

The Eternal Password seems to be any verse of a poem about the history of the tavern. It's hinted that the tavern was named after a person named Trim Cuckold and the poem is about their life. Smellulus recites two different sections of the poem in order to gain access at different points in Come At the King: Chapter 2.

The first being:

*My degradation is a church, my wife's betrayal it's hymn;*

*Fresh horns have grown on this good man -- A cuckold, yes, but trim!*

*This Trim Cuckold's dainty dance doth beseech thy lips to grin.*

*His horns bespeak his soft, fine soul. His body? Simply trim.*

*The hornéd cuckold graces her with friendship and with vim.*

*She still refuses to give thanks? This cuckold's mad (and trim)!*

*This trim cuckold awaits his thanks 'til daylight fades to dim --*

*Thanks for attention well bestowed on she across from him.*

*On she who sits across from he, the Cuckold Prince, and trim.*

The second being:

*I am cuckold, proudly trim, Trim Cuckold is my name.*

*God bless me both with wandering wife as well a slender frame.*

## Staff

* The tavern's bouncer is an unnamed Loxodon who finds kinship with Smellulus after he recites the Eternal Password.
* Stale Dale, the arachnid-person bartender

## Notable Patrons

* Grimace
* Hammerhair
* Pumice
* Sharkshank
* Wealthy Wim Windows
* Mayflower Springshower

## Trivia

* The tavern is said to be cursed by an over-served mage to always be coated in a thin film of magical moisture, though the moisture that does indeed cover the tavern is non-magical.
* The password Torrin initially tries is "Drippy Drow".
Tommy Whistle

A lonesome frogman gunslinger who works as a bounty hunter in Piss Harbor. He is played by Tim Platt in the Weird Times In Piss Harbor campaign.

Tommy is a slow-talking, ponderous man who is still quick on the draw. He has a lengthy tongue that he often keeps looped into a lasso but will also use it to lash out at his enemies. His powerful legs allow him to leap great distances. Tommy has a strong moral code despite the sleazy city he lives in. He is rarely seen without his gunbelt, cowboy hat, and his trusty roadrunner mount Hon (he is known to occasionally leap out of the rest of his clothes).

## Quotes

* Tommy: Edgica! Can't you tell a food don't wanna be eaten? Let it go!" Edgica: "Tommy Whistle, are you named after the sound the wind makes when it goes through your head?"

## Trivia

* Tim has mentioned designing Tommy as a reference to the original story of Dracula, since the group of heroes of the story seem to randomly include a cowboy.
* Tommy is known to sometimes sleep in a Snoopy onesie.
* Tommy is so downtrodden that he admits to playing Russian roulette each night. It ensures he has a bullet ready in case he's attacked, but Moose is shown to remove the bullet to ensure his safety when they're together.

## Links

* Character Teaser: https://twitter.com/of\_rude/status/1729228601201996169
Strayd Plancis

en the

*"I got a name too, you know! I was named by someone who loves me!"*

A demon associated with the disappearance of Polaris University. He appeared before the party when they investigated the missing campus, ordering them to leave while possessing their friend Davo. He was ultimately fooled by Cordelia's bubble illusion, promising to release Davo unharmed if the party agreed to leave campus. Strayd honors his word by returning Davo unharmed before killing him the moment the conditions of his deal had been met, cackling "Never trust a demon!" after disappearing.

Strayd's name appears on Rainn Anatomies' while he is piecing together the case of the missing school.

Strayd returns (or rather, remains in place) when the party arrives at the Forbidden Zone in Boy Do We Ever Have Such Sights! He once again warns the party to leave the area, but they force him to keep his word and grant them several boons. He is hesitant to share information about Lexicon Matters, but ultimately allows them to enter Hell the only way they know how.

## Appearance

Strayd is described as a creature burning from the inside out. When he opens his mouth, there is nothing but incomprehensible evil inside. He speaks in a deep voice, and is in slightly better shape than Bellow. He is able to summon clothing for himself, which even he is surprised to find does not burn at the touch.

## Trivia

* When Bellow asks Strayd if they are somehow related, Strayd vanishes rather than answering.
* Strayd is the first being that the party battles.
* Strayd is also the first character to exclaim "Jesus Christ!", eventually leading to its canonical inclusion in the world's lore.
* When Stirfry later impersonates Strayd, SERVANT is quick to obey his commands. SERVANT quickly returns from his errand when he realizes that Strayd's possession burns his victims from the inside out.
Unhittable Babylon Brown

An assassin who fell into disgrace after being cursed to never hit anything again while also being impossible to hit. He is also known as UBB and wields a rapier, preferring to strike while his target sleeps.

The professional killer once assassinated Brimlin Redgrave as one of his jobs. He later learned that they were likely the child of Vanessa Redgrave, the goddess of all pirates. The day after his death, UBB found himself cursed to never strike another person in any way while never being hit himself. This put him out of work, at which point Smellulus caught him not paying taxes. His life was ruined as the tax collectors took everything he had left.

When the party stays at Smellulus' house, Babylon attacks him in his own bed. It turns out that Torrin was sleeping in his bed, causing a panic as the party awakes. They realize the state of his curse as he keeps missing them only for them to fail to do any damage to him either. He calms down long enough to vent his problems to them, insisting that he'll be able to overcome his curse and get them someday. The party pries for advice or help in assassinating the emperor, but when Babylon realizes what's going on he refuses and hastily retreats.

Babylon returns during The Power Ball, having used a potion on the goat that was used in Diarrhea's spell. Those who drank the goat juice are turned into whatever mask they were wearing, operating as a loophole since his sabotage didn't do any actual harm to his targets. He attempts to assassinate Smellulus again, but fails as usual. He is left laughing maniacally to himself over his perceived triumph before he decides he's laughed enough and leaves several minutes later.

During the series finale, Babylon pursues the emperor to Larroquette. He arrives too late, missing his opportunity.

## Trivia

* UBB is technically uncertain for the cause of his curse. His theory that it was Vanessa Redgrave is simply a safe bet based on the information he's gathered.
* Despite his career being ruined, Babylon remains optimistic about his ability to break his curse to the point of coming off as maniacally so.
* UBB's curse prevents him from even poisoning anything, having tried on a goat and missing it entirely with the vial.
* Babylon seems incapable of ignoring someone who raises their hand to ask a question. Even when he's already left the room, he seems to pick up on it and return to hear them out. He does not seem obliged to answer, nor does this seem to be part of his curse.
Stirfry's death.

While fans will often claim that they would "die for Stirfry", in show he is frequently threatened with death (or actually killed). It has become frequent enough that it is worthy of tracking.

## Instances

* The GIANT SIZED New Year's Eve Holiday SPECTACULAR was originally named Blackbird Singing in the Dead of Night with its description suggesting a certain avian dies in the episode. Stirfry does not even appear in the episode.
* Married To The Sea mentions killing Stirfry in its description. Stirfry volunteers to be the test subject for Beavis Palisades' gun when he asks if the party has any disposable friends they're not that attached to, but he's left unharmed due to Beavis rolling a natural 1.
* Stirfry dies in the non-canon finale of Fright of the Living Dread.
* In the episode Are You Afraid of the Scares?, Stirfry is slain by Buttspread Steaks for telling a terrible scary story. He spends part of the episode in Heaven and Hell before he is revived by Buttspread's anti-sword.
* The episode Departures explicitly states that Stirfry and Frederick de Bonesby die in its description text.
* IRL Stirfry was hit by a train in 2021. At the request of Branson, no funeral was held.
Pumice

A shy bugbear who drinks with Grimace and Sharkshank at The Trim Cuckold. He has an intensely extended underbite and reddish fur.

He earned his name when he was thrown into a lake and floated, proving him to be a witch to a religious town. He survived perfectly fine and simply left by the other side of the lake.
The Dean

The dean of Polaris University. He looks exactly like you're imagining. He's an angry man who chews out Bellow in Class Dismissed. His last name is Dean, which he shares with his wife Diana and his deceased father. He is upset that his father died while he was young, but then also admits that he had died in his 90's.

The dean confesses to a hostile takeover of Polaris University, creating confusion as to whether he owns the school or is simply the dean. He threatens to expel Bellow for having connections to the campus' bootleg shirts, but this ends up being an excuse to rant about his dead father at the students.

The dean is not directly shown for a long time after the disappearance of Polaris University. However, in the cryptic post-credits sequence for the episode Ding Dong, the fallen college in Hell is shown in an office with "a picture of a wife" on it.

The Dean makes his fateful return in the episode Nice ?!? He is locked away in a "wifeless" desert, where his own wife has been turned into an oasis just out of reach. He repeatedly tries to gnaw his own leg off to escape his chains, but two more ankles replace it every time he does. He still holds onto his resentment for Bellow, admitting it is partially because he was a handsome young man like Bellow in his youth. He angrily agrees to be Bellow's guide in retaking the school. Since he had called Bellow to his office so many times, he reminds Bellow that he could reach Lexicon Matters' hidden office with his eyes closed.

## Trivia

* It was The Dean's wife’s idea to take his name.
* The Dean's face makes a cameo in Infinite Jests. While showing that they can imitate anyone at all, the last member of We Prankster Few cycles through many false faces. One of them is the face of The Dean.
* The Dean was featured on limited-time merchandise during Escape From Planet Time, the first Rude Tales of Magic livestream.
* The Dean is Branson's favorite character.
* While Polaris University is in Hell, The Dean is referred to as "the true dean" in hushed tones.
Tim Platt's What A Terrible Night

A game run by the titular Tim Platt as patreon content. A teaser was released to the public featuring Tim's opening narration. The game follows a group venturing into a haunted house and braving the horrors within.

## Links

* Teaser: https://headgum.com/rude-tales-of-magic/sneak-shriek-tim-platts-what-a-terrible-night
* What A Terrible Night game system: https://mega-corp.itch.io/watn
Strong Pepsi

The largest of The Brothers Pepsi, standing as tall as a human man despite being a halfling. He is quick to anger but easily fooled. He works with his brothers at The Delighted Wife, where he fears for his life if customers don't eat the complimentary breakfast.

Strong attempts to force the party to eat their breakfast during their stay along with Pipsy Pepsi. When he fails, they return the next day to find him in stocks with "Failed to serve breakfast" written on them. Having followed Frederick de Bonesby to pester him into eating, he tells the rest of the party that he and Cordelia Sasquatch were arrested. He is later delighted and freed from his punishment when the party eats their breakfast.

When the party returns to The Soaking Valley in Enter the Mother, Part 1, they find that Mother has taken over most of the population. She takes a particular interest in the Pepsi brothers, especially Strong and Pipsy. She creates many hybrids of them to act as her personal guards, combining Pipsy's viciousness with Strong's size.

## Trivia

* Strong cannot draw, claiming he is too dumb.
* Branson Reese initially refers to Strong as a "full-ling" since he is as tall as a human.
Sphinx

A species of monster that resembles a massive lion with wings and a human's face. While powerful creatures, they are quite intelligent and tend to follow a strong code regarding riddles. They have become symbolic of riddles as a result, and are a common icon used to represent the Riddle Guy festival.

They are considered to be quite rare, with meeting one being considered quite uncommon. Surviving the encounter is even rarer. Rarer still is stumping one with a riddle so great that they immediately kill themselves.

## Trivia

* The ancient "riddle of the sphinx" exists in Cordelia and is commonly associated with actual sphinxes. Some do still use it as their default riddle while others are more original and may be offended by the presumption.
Vacci

A hulking, one-eyed man who owns Vacci’s Pizza. We only meet him after Brian Doyle Falls is transformed into a nightmarish vacationscape, where his pizza comes at a terrible price. Bellow thinks he just means gold, which completely blindsides Vacci. In truth, the pizza gradually turns the eater into a more tropical form.

Bellow fondly remembers the pizza place, and even gets hungry seeing its bastardized version, Vacci's Beach Pizza. Bellow also remembers Vacci's employee Sal being more pleasant to deal with.
The Unelected Chorus

*"I will mate with the earth so I may father a new night sky."*

A demon made of "sharp steel and bleeding memories" encircled by sentient flames. It has twelve heads, each of which is a political cartoon charicature of a senator from the dark ages that breathes molten guilt.

Albee accidentally summons it during Revelations 2: 2Rev2lations: Final Revelation. She consults The Below Folk looking for help during Miracle Michael's ritual. The Chorus appears, makes some ominous declarations, and flies off into the sky.
Vampire

Vampires are a type of creatures inhabiting Cordelia. They are largely similar to those of legend, but not quite like the ones featured in Blood Tales of Depravity. Vampires are ageless, undead creatures who sustain themselves by drinking blood. While humanoid blood is ideal, one can survive on animal blood. Their saliva is highly toxic, killing most creatures on contact, It will occasionally spread to a bitten creature, turning them into a vampire as well. Sunlight is lethal to them, leaving them to live in shadows and moonlight. Invisibility has been known to prevent this, though difficult to maintain. Some, like Count Ivan Gretsky, willingly take the bite of a vampire as a chance to avoid death by age or disease.

Vampirism is technically a disease as much as a species. A turned person's bite infects them and the infection spreads throughout their body and brain, gaining access to their memories as much as their body. While they can be incredibly similar, they can be considered a new entity. This creates many moral and philosophical debates among vampires about their true selves, whether they were vampires before they were bitten and what this means for their soul.

Vampires tend to have enhanced physical attributes after they are turned. They can possess other mystical powers, such as Ivan teleporting others and turning into a bat.

Vampires feature heavily in Blood Tales of Depravity. This is set loosely in the Vampire: The Masquerade setting, so they tend to function on different rules and have several unique clans.
The Ice Cream and Candy District

A part of Piss Harbor specializing in candy, ice cream and other sweets. It is especially enticing to children as their target audience, but adults frequent the area as well. It is located directly next to Dentist Town, the neighboring part of the city where rogue dentists menace any of the sugary citizens who should cross into their territory.

Timmy And Tommy frequents the area, running up tabs at candy stores and ice cream parlors.
Timmy’s Outskirts Sports Bar

A local sports bar near Brian Doyle Falls. Bellow used to visit with his father Malekinal Gorramael and revisits it in the episode Gleaning the Cube.

Its bartender Big Britches serves plenty of beer and keeps several live kenku strapped to the walls that recite descriptions of recent sporting events. They party spends a rowdy night there while waiting for their guide to take them inside the gelatinous cube.
Vacci’s Pizza

A pizza place within Brian Doyle Falls. It is owned and run by Vacci, though Bellow was more familiar with his employee Sal.

Within the gelatinous cube with the vacation filter put over the town, Vacci's Pizza is transformed into Vacci's Beach Pizza. Vacci still works there, but he warns that his food comes with a terrible price. He is confused to receive money at first, as the real cost is that transforms the person into their vacationized form. As Frederick points out, there is water in pizza crust and it likely came from the cursed beaches nearby.

## Trivia

* Vacci's Beach Pizza is features on a shirt in the Rude Tales of Magic store.
* Vacci's has a sister location at Sephesda. Mona Gorramael insists that it's not the same.
Stephanie

A beautiful siren who appears in It's a Calling. She and her mother sing by the roads near Brian Doyle Falls, captivating anyone who listens to come charging towards them. They run so fast that they collide with the nearby rocks and destroy themselves in the process. Despite her alluring voice, Stephanie is genuinely hoping to attract a mate. Like all sirens, she has no birth name, but Bellow assigns her the name as she leaves them behind.

The party joins forces with Wartortle Spone to stop their deadly singing. They manage to kill Stephanie's mother before Bellow leaps into her arms, finally relieving the siren of her task. She asks Bellow to become her mate, but he admits to being involved in something already. She dismisses the idea and flies away, but Bellow, realizing she has no name, bestows the name Stephanie on her after one of his former classmates.
The Skin-Eating Storm

Sometimes referred to as The SES by locals, the Skin-Eating Storm is a permanent storm that rages on the border between the James Woods and Teenage Woods. It rips the flesh off anyone who enters its fog and wind, but there is a safe path through it that forms a choke point between the two woods. The storm is formed by the James Woods' winds always traveling clockwise, while the Teenage Woods travels counterclockwise.

The party reaches it during Come Glide With Me, where the Witch Hunters use its presence to form a checkpoint for anyone passing through. The party ends up relying on gliding men to travel over the storm instead.
Unwarranted Jinsica

A roaming sphinx that appears during the 100th Riddle Guy. Drawn to the festivities, she offers a riddle to the attendees. Apollo Nasty, as the most recently appointed Riddle Guy champion, steps forth and preemptively answers her riddle with “man,” expecting the traditional riddle of the sphinx.

This infuriates Jinsica, who immediately eats him. She explains that she has several other riddles than the traditional one. She focuses on Albee and poses another riddle about three friends who meet Death. Albee answers correctly and poses her own riddle, asking the classic riddle of the sphinx. When Jinsica answers with “man,” Albee corrects her: the answer is “woman,” and reminds Jinsica to examine her biases. Shocked to be stumped by such a riddle, Jinsica hurls herself into the burning sphinx effigy where she is immediately struck by lightning, pelting the audience with her remains.

Her defeat marks Albee as the new Riddle Guy, but Albee doesn’t care and unceremoniously passes the title onto Natalie Armpits.

## Trivia

* All three riddles Jinsica takes part in require questioning gender norms.
* The answer to Jinsica's initial, untold riddle was that the doctor was the patient's mother. This resembles the classic riddle of a father and son are both hospitalized, but the surgeon says they cannot operate on the son because they are their son.
* The name Unwarranted Jinsica is incredibly similar to that of Illegal Rinbecca. Both are made up of a misspelled human name and an adjective involving legality.
Tactical Papers

One of the wealthiest orcs in the empire at the time of Come At the King. Tactical is a large orc with a mustache. Tactical made his wealth by becoming an oil baron, made especially impressive because oil was a very recent discovery at the time.

While a bachelor, he attends The Power Ball accompanied by his body pillow. Wealthy Wim Windows strongly warns against addressing the fact as Tactical pretends that she is real and that her name is Bamantha. It's implied that it/she comes up often and people are best to just play along.

Tactical appears to be loyal to the empire, since at the end of episode 4, he is seen escorting Nog Romansky to safety. He is halted by Grimothee Steel's telepathy, allowing him to be bowled over by Butter St. Beef. He is apparently tough enough to survive the powerful blow, but after a few failed punches he abandons the cause and flees just before the curse set up by Unhittable Babylon Brown kicks in.

## Trivia

* His mask at The Power Ball is that of a hippopotamus.
Gleaning the Cube

*You can 't go home again.....but what if you can? I mean EVERYONE says you can't, but....what if they're wrong? People change, places change, you can't step in the same river twice, sure, we've heard it all, but what if...what if not me I'm different? In fact, I'm actually positive you CAN go home again and it's fine. Why doesn't everyone just go home again? Idiots.*

## Summary

Bellow is given a note to meet his mysterious guide into the gelatinous cube the following morning. Realizing the need to pass the time, they go to one of the few surviving bars around Brian Doyle Falls; Timmy’s Outskirts Sports Bar. The party enjoys some beer while they adapt to the new Frederick, who has become far more cheerful and sociable. Stirfry learns that he has developed pinkeye, presumably from letting his eye roll around out of its socket. The group spends the night drinking and enjoying themselves before they retire to a sepia tone house nearby. Bellow tries to use his magic to heal Stirfry’s pinkeye, but it has strangely little effect. They collapse in the living room together.

The group awakens to being smothered by living beach towels. They pull their way out before the towels are sucked back into the couch like they were never there. Their guide, Nicotine Tones, seems unsurprised as he arrives to lead them on. They are joined by a half-elf bard Wendy Wallpaper and Pelvis Futures, a tragedy fetisihist they had met the night before. Nicotine lays out some ground rules, which end up eliminating Pelvis from the trip.

Nicotine leads them through secret passages in the house, finding themselves dissuaded by vacation-themed threats while Bellow's cleric magic either fails or burns him to use. This concerns Nicotine but they press on before falling into a void. Each of them are tempted by a personal offer made by an angelic bird person, but they all decline. They land in a strange parody of Brian Doyle Falls, transformed into a cartoonish beach city of a world watched over by a sunglasses-wearing anthropomorphic sun and colossal flamingos. Nicotine warns to never touch the sand, which Wendy ignores. She is instantly turned into a sand sculpture, and Nicotine soon steps on a crack in the wooden walkway. He suffers horribly as he transforms into a sunburnt, warped shape of his former self that introduces itself to the party as Naughty Nico.
The Reverse Cuckold

A large and rowdy tavern in Danica Town. It is named after a man who cheated on his wife, the act of which is depicted on a large, ancient tapestry depicting a man throwing a horned cap in the river (along with full penetration).

The patrons are a loud and cheerful bunch, but their fondness for anarchy and mayhem can lead to some petty thievery. Whenever anyone enters the bar, they perform a defiant rendition of Ding Dong.

## Notable Patrons

Little Pile

Big Pile

Medium Pile

Ramona Didi
Riddle Guy

*"It's a town, but not always!"*

Also referred to as as Riddles Guy. It is a festival held in The Trashlands, with the party heading towards it by mistake after escaping dire bats. Canyonera and her sisters arrive to point the way, but convince the party to join them in Riddles Guy instead of Ruleshaven. They attend Riddle Guy '97, the 100th anniversary, along with the orcs.

The celebration is promised to be full of riddles, to the varying dismay and excitement of the party. Canyonera describes it as "It walks on no legs most of the year and it walks on about a million legs for one weekend out of the year." The festival started when a wise man challenged a sphinx to a riddle contest, which killed itself when it lost. The man celebrated his victory every year on that day, and soon participants began burning a large wicker sphinx in hopes of luring out another to challenge and destroy.

Riddles are used as currency, with all trade being done in exchange for answering or stumping someone with a riddle. Partial credit or pity is sometimes applied as well. Themes of question marks, tie dye, nudity and sphinxes decorate the free-spirited celebration.

Riddle Guy can also refer to the winner of a year's competition, decreed the one who most honors and masters riddles. It may also refer to the episode Riddle Guy where they arrive at the celebration. Every year, a wicker sphinx is set ablaze with each contestant sacrificing something or someone they love to it. Whoever cries the hardest is declared the Riddle Guy for the coming year.

Riddle Guy is also the term used for the the wicker sphinx.

## Quotes

* *"No such thing as a fair question at Riddle Guy."*
* *"It's RIDDLE GUY! Riddle Guy 97! It's a celebration of all those who know language can and MUST be a puzzle!"*
Nastybone Onceover

An elderly halfling who lives in Fort Casual. He is strictly nocturnal, and since all of Fort Casual goes to bed at the same time he is left to work the night shifts at numerous locations.
When Bellow invades the jailhouse to free Ivan, Nastybone is working the front desk. Bellow uses Charm Person and the clerk critically fails his saving throw, vowing to die for Bellow on the spot. He nearly does so when he eats glass to prove his loyalty before Bellow can stop him. Bellow simply orders him to free Ivan, tell anyone who comes after them that they went south, and to live a long and happy life.
The Great Misnomer

A tabaxi member of The Ruleshaven Liberation Army who dresses like he belongs in a circus. He was a circus performer once, but after a night of drinking he passed out in Danica Town and became a permanent resident. He's a capable acrobat and knows some sleight of hand.

We learn that he escaped the descruction of Ruleshaven, along with Lady Blades and Jacques Avoidoir. The Great Misnomer and Lady Blades are captured by the Witch Hunters and detained in Ottersquirt for interrogation. Albee and Prolapse find him completely shaved and being splashed with buckets of water, but he still resists telling them anything. The party distracts the guards long enough for the two rebels to escape. Lady Blades' spherical prison fall in the water where The Great Misnomer rolls it downstream like an acrobat.
Station

A noblewoman that Frederick de Bonesby knew before his transformation. He had unrequited love for her and is not comfortable discussing the matter at length.

They once went to an underwater kingdom together. Little is known about her because Frederick felt it would be improper to know more than her last name.

When we are within Frederick's mindscape, we see him as a young student at Polaris University. He imagines the name Station etched into the back of every seat.
Wendy Wallpaper

A half-elf bard that tours Brian Doyle Falls with the party in Gleaning the Cube.

She considers herself rather famous for writing some of the saddest songs in Cordelia. She is also known as Wet Wendy for how strongly people weep after hearing her sing. She finds herself in a dry spell, so she goes to witness the tragedy of Brian Doyle Falls for inspiration. Despite her fondness for depressing songs and situations, she does not hit it off well with Pelvis Futures.

During their visit inside the town, she sees the sand sculptures that are what remains of people who touches the sand of the beaches. Wendy reaches out to them and becomes one of the statues herself, barely able to speak while frozen in place.
The Lusty Conversation

The "rootinest, tootinest ship on The Spitting Sea." It is the setting of the live episode Married At Sea. It is captained by Twice-Damned Regina.

## Crew Members

Twice-Damned Regina (captain)

Cherished Matthew (first mate)

Hesky Asmar (cook)

Tooth Tragedy

Shark Sucker

Salty Dog Holister

Big Jug (chief of security)

Peg Lungs Jepenthy

Andreas Redchapel

Nelly Mutiny

Rianon Aberdine

Yellowmouth

Missing Carlo

The Sleeping Sisters

Beavis Palisades (inventor)
It's a Calling

The party continues to travel towards Brian Doyle Falls until a huge and especially intense paladin appears, mistaking Stirfry and Frederick de Bonesby/Prolapse for attacking monsters. He is quickly corrected and introduces himself as Wartortle Spone, a paladin of vacationism. He and Bellow quickly hit it off with Wartortle explaining that he was summoned to The Soaking Valley for his divine duties. Before that, he is charged to rid the nearly trails of sirens that have been luring people into crashing into the rocks (they are not seabound; they just make people run really hard into the rocks). The party agrees to help him and Wartortle agrees to give them his magical wineskin of bottomless sangria. Stirfry and Cordelia go to search for berries where Cordelia confesses to having kissed Albee again while he was away.

The party blocks their ears with wax, save for Wartortle who insists on being tied to something to withstand the song. The party complies, strapping him to Bellow’s back once he turns into a horse. They see travelers being drawn to the song, crushing themselves against rocks along the way. The party charges in where Wartortle quickly falls for their spell. In his charmed state, he unblocks Bellow’s ears and lets him be charmed by the bird women’s song as well. While Stirfry manages to kill the first, Bellow manages to leap into the arms of the last siren. This frees her as the first siren to successfully lure a victim to them. She offers to be his mate, but when the spell breaks Bellow mentions that he’s already involved in a thing. The siren flies off, with Bellow naming her Stephanie as she departs.

## Trivia

* The sirens sing an acapela version of Katy Perry's song Firework.
Vanessa Redgrave

The goddess of pirates. It is said that whenever law is broken on the sea, Vanessa is smiling down upon the culprits.
She had a son Brimlin Redgrave, but he was killed by the assassin Unhittable Babylon Brown. Babylon awoke the next day unable to be hit or to hit anyone else, ruining his career. He seems convinced this was a curse by Vanessa Redgrave when he later learned who his target really was.
Sloane Langley Thatcher

Vance Lindsingham's betrothed before his passing, though she had mixed feelings on the man. She dresses in the manner of a Southern belle. She is a suspect in Vance's murder, as was everyone who knew him given his cold and cruel nature. Most of Vance's family assumed that Sloane wanted him dead to inherit some of his fortune.

She keeps a dream journal, which she shares with the party. It reveals that she had visited Polaris University before, and seeing it again in her dreams she couldn't fully grasp what it was.
Tiny James

Tiny James is a cook who walks in on the party when they crash-land in Ruleshaven via his secret elevator in the fridge. He maintains some arrangement with Brian Fuck where he would send people who die in the hotel down to him, allowing him to conduct experiments to advance his medical research.

The party disguises themselves as fellow cooks while convincing him that they were sent there by Brian himself. Tiny is overwhelmed and provides some information concerning the Jurisdiction’s guests before he returns to his duty of leaving pastries.

They later discover him having been captured by The Ruleshaven Liberation Army. He attempted to escape once he heard the rules had been lifted, allowing Brian Fuck to emerge now that he could say his own name without harm. Once he passes on his grim warning, Tiny James bites into his own tongue and kills himself with the poison within.

## Trivia

* Tiny James goes by Tiny to his friends. He counts Cordelia among them.
* Tiny James and Bellow both refer to pastries as just "stries."
Thickie Thunder

*"We once hated Thickie*

*But he has demonstrated an incredible ability!"*

*-a chant from the audience during one of Thickie's fights*

A halfling fighter who appears in the episode The Man In the Arena. He is voiced by their guest Jon Gabrus.

Thickwick Thunderthumb is a scrappy boxer, having moved up from the streets of Piss Harbor to the professional fighting circuit. He is short but incredibly muscular and calloused between his fight experience and abuse of potions of frost giant strength. He is divorced, partially because of how incredibly honest he is. He famously had his penis ripped off by Goorok in a no holds barred match. It was later reattached, but it is still removable.

In his debut episode, Thickie fights Dino Spaghetti, the local boxing champion, being paid to take a dive and help Dino break his record. Motivated by a lucky hit, the rage induced by his potion addiction, and the death of his cricket friend Timiny for supporting him when no one else would, he refuses the bribe and not only defeats, but kills Dino in the ring.

After losing a huge bet on Dino, mob boss Terry Surgery puts a bounty on Thickie's head. The party finds him hiding out in the Kaiser Permanente Indoor Arena and Daycare where he explains his story. Finding him to be an honest man with fair reasons for what he did, they decide to help him out. They help Thickie fake his death, bringing his disembodied penis to Terry as proof of his death.

## Quotes

* *"I grew up on the streets eatin' knuckle sandwiches and drinkin' piss. And yes: actual piss."*
Yellowmouth

A pirate with a distinctly yellow mouth who serves aboard The Lusty Conversation. He is good friends with Tooth Tragedy due to their shared oral deformities.

He makes a brief appearance in Married To The Sea before he is shot by Frederick de Bonesby's gun when he's caught by surprise. He is shot so hard that nothing remains of him but two smoking boots. The party blames his death on his yellow mouth.

HP: 8
Weird Times In Piss Harbor

The Rude Tales of Magic campaign following the Class Dismissed campaign. The story follows a team of bounty hunters pursuing various high-bounty targets in the sleazy city of Piss Harbor.

## Party Members

* Neil (Ali Fisher)
* Jonathan Large (Christopher Hastings)
* Edgica (Carly Monardo)
* Tommy Whistle (Tim Platt)
* Moose (Joe Lepore)

## Links

* Teaser Trailer: https://twitter.com/of\_rude/status/1726827780388872445
Violence Hydrangea

A mercenary who is mentioned briefly in Frederick de Bonesby's journal entries. She is an easygoing and casual woman but very deadly when she wants to be. She meets with Frederick to deliver his request for elf feet to use as spell components in his ritual to become a lich. Violence is treated to breakfast while she awaits her payment, and her being served leftovers offends Frederick's noble tastes. Violence eats and compliments the food all the same.

## Trivia

* Violence casually tells Frederick about how she was hired to kill a "big fucked up guy" that was stepping on peoples' houses in Port Denails. She assures Frederick is was not a giant but just a big guy.
Wet Beep

*My name’s Wet Beep and I’m here to say*

*I live in the well and scare the rats away.*

*The name of my job is the rat-scaring freak*

*But I’m taking it off for the next five weeks.*

*I’ll return to my well at the end of that time*

*And as of today, that is not a crime.*

*If the rats have returned after thirty-five days*

*I will not be perturbed. That’s just the price that I pays.*

A wretched and sickly-looking man who lives at the bottom of the well, using his hideous appearance to frighten rats out of Ruleshaven’s sewers. He only emerges when Bellow alters the rules of Ruleshaven, granting him a vacation. He emerges from his well, horrifying passerby before he raps at the listener. He cashes in his five vacation weeks of vacation all at once and departs the city.

During said vacation, the bell of Ruleshaven is destroyed, spilling ambient order out into the world, some of which hits Wet Beep. This causes Wet Beep to turn back into a more human-looking version of himself named Dry Honk. He clenches his fist and quietly mutters "Scrum."

The Rat King erroneously takes credit for Wet Beep's departure, claiming to be so big and tough that he scared Wet Beep away forever.
The Other Side

A diner in Hell owned by Cheddar. He serves the souls of the dead a comfortable dining experience despite their nightmarish surroundings, something that Cordelia finds admirable. She helps his cause in exchange for some magical powers by placing coins over the eyes of the dead. Doing so provides them with a coupon that refers them to The Other Side.

Cheddar admits that the meat he uses is primarily that of other hellish souls, but he also explains that this is normal in Hell. When Cordelia asks, he suggests that business is going well for him.

During the non-canon mayhem of Are You Afraid of the Scares?, Stirfry is sent back and forth between Heaven and Hell. He visits The Other Side along the way, where he harasses one diner to cook for him. He is not impressed.

When it is seen in the episode Hell Rules, The Other Side heavily resembles a 60s style diner. A sign lists its name phonetically in Cheddar’s voice (ala “da udda side”), and a Medusa waitress and a spider-like cook named Nails serve guests when they are not being possessed by Cheddar himself. Due to the health codes in Hell, smoking appears to be mandatory.
Sundown Samara

A famous dragon who lives in the sewers of Payola. She has such influence and wealth that she is known to rub elbows with the emperor himself, competing with him to appear the most fashionably late to The Power Ball each year.

Unlike most dragons, Sundown has no apparent color. She is a "clear" dragon, possessing translucent skin. Like most dragons, she possesses wings and the ability to shapeshift. She speaks in a loud, gruff voice and loves to flaunt her wealth. She despises all other dragons and prefers to keep company among the smaller races so she can soak up their adoration.

Samara hosts the Power Ball during the Come At The King campaign. When Emperor Nog is taken out, she is quick to flirt with his newly appointed heir. Their relationship is passionate but brief, ending with her killing Nog's failing replacement and flying away from the burning capital.
The Below Folk

*“An exhaustively researched field guide to devils demon fiends and all those who bask in perdition. Edited by Thomas R. R. Anonymous.”*

A book consulted by Virginia before summoning Cheddar. It contains information to do with the rituals and names of demons. Virginia passes it on to Albee during their stay at The Woods Beyond the Woods, insisting it is the only way to stop The Unpleasantness. The author is unclear, but Virginia has heavily noted it with her own findings. The book is dedicated to Elizareth on the first page.

It doesn’t function like an ordinary book. It whispers in its owner’s mind, turns its own pages, and is stitched together in an erratic way where the stitches can sprout teeth and scream. The pages write themselves out in an unknown language and can summon unholy creatures through its pages. Albee only has to select a page for it to summon The Unelected Chorus. It can create forms out of its pages and must often be willed or physically wrestled into submission by those it doesn't feel like cooperating with. It shows some level of comfort around Frederick, who has existing experience with arcane tomes.

The book is capable of speech (mostly in an Infernal-like language) and intelligent enough to have its own personal tastes. Several copies of it exist, though owners tend to add their own notes in the margins.
The Brothers Pepsi

*"We love to serve breakfast! It's the DUTY of the Pepsi Brothers to serve breakfast!"*

Seven (mostly) halfling brothers who all work at The Delighted Wife. While their blood relation is questionable, they treat each other as brothers and readily have each other's backs. They dutifully serve Moira Thousand in seating, serving and tending to guests of her inn, but they are not afraid to heckle or even threaten customers.

According to Strong Pepsi, there were once twenty Brothers Pepsi before most of them were killed. He implies that this was due to them disobeying Moira Thousand in their duties.

Only five Pepsi brothers are initially introduced, but we eventually meet more of the family:

* Pipsy Pepsi
* Strong Pepsi
* Virtue Pepsi
* Senator Pepsi
* Bukakke Pepsi
* Stale Pepsi
* Fallen Pepsi
The Power Ball

A traditional ball and ritual in The Cordelian Empire. Every year, nobles and prestigious citizens are invited to a secret gathering where they all take part in eating a child to gain its strength for the good of Payola. Guests must attend in formal attire and wear animal masks, and may be punished by death for failing to meet the dress code. Even the emperor himself is known to attend.

While held out of tradition more than anything else, many find it barbaric and unnecessary. A wizard has proven that the ritual does nothing at all and the child is generally lied to so that they will attend the party. Even the catering and servants have their memories magically erased of the evening, only to restore them for the next year.

The party is hosted in the underground mansion of Sundown Samara where the two wealthiest members of each species is invited. They may bring as many guests as they like, though larger numbers of guests is vaguely frowned upon. Apart from the masks assigned by the official masker, anything offered at the ball has a price.

While the event is kept secret from much of the public, the news eventually gets leaked by Little Guy Catering. It turns out that Payola doesn't especially care, only fearing the empire more from the ruthless ceremony.