TRP: Goro, Hansel, and Mishka (The Threeway Talk)

January 19, 2019

**Izzy:**

 [SETTING: Night 172, after Conversations and Vodka.]

Hansel led Mishka up to their quarters and stayed with him.
He'd settled, more or less -- Hansel could tell he was still on edge, but he
was calm. I’m so fucking done hurting people, he'd said. I don’t want to do it
anymore. And Hansel believed him, completely, but it could be fucking hard to
not hurt people. Harder than it should be. The both of them were too broken, he
thought, with too many sharp edges sticking out of them. But they could try to
help people hold them in ways where no one would get pricked.

So he curled up on the couch with his husband, and
considered how long it had taken them to get to this point, to where they could
wrap around each other without anyone coming away bloody. He -- hadn't gotten
there with Goro, yet, but he was managing. He could help them both, then, show
them how to be careful with one another.

After a while, Hansel kissed Mishka's head and murmured,
"Hey. It's gonna be okay. We're going to work this out. I love you."

Then he went downstairs to hang out in the dining room. He
assumed that Amari probably would've fed Goro and he wouldn't be coming home
hungry, but it was a good vantage point to see him coming up from the dungeon
that wasn't just fuckin' lurking around the tower door. He kept his back to the
windows, half-watching the entry hall and listening for movement, idly
sharpening one of his axes just for something to do with his hands.

**Lina:**

 Goro came up the stairs and paused in the entry hall. He'd
planned to find Hansel right away and clear the air about what had happened
with Luci--better to be proactive about this shit, he figured--but when he saw
Hansel sharpening that ax, he had second thoughts. Fuck.

"Hi," he called, still lingering in the hall.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel glanced up and put his axe away on his belt, stowing the
whetstone, and waved Goro over.

"Hey, chatichi."

**Lina:**

 Goro walked over slowly, stopping a few feet away, wringing
his hands behind his back.

Funnily enough, he didn't actually think Hansel would ax
him, or anything. He supposed he'd managed to get that through his head
finally. But Hansel would be mad, and likely scary, and Goro was gonna fucking
run. Not into the woods or anything. Just to his bedroom.

"I, uh. I did something shitty."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel frowned. He probably thought booking it on Mishka had
been shitty, and all right, it hadn't been great, but Hansel didn't blame him
for bolting from a question like that. "S'okay. You wanna tell me about
it?" It'd be good to get Goro's side of the story before they went to talk
to Mishka, anyway.

**Lina:**

 "Yeah. I do. I, uh. Alright, so, here's the
thing." Boy, this was gonna come out weird. He should've at least given
Hansel a heads up earlier that he was going to interrogate his fucking
daughter. "I was trying to figure out where Morgan Wyn's getting her information
about us, and... listen, just trust me, alright, I thought about it real
fucking hard, and I wondered if maybe Luci'd been talking to her. I know, I
know." He waved his hands to make Hansel wait. "Look, it's not like I
thought she was doing it on purpose or anything, but she talks to Jonn, you
know, and I figured, maybe she was talking to someone else by accident, or she
keeps a journal that someone was spying on--listen."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel stared at him.

This was distinctly not the shitty thing he'd been
expecting.

**Lina:**

 "Anyway, uh, fuck. Listen, I was trying to be nice. I
fucking swear to god I wasn't trying to scare her. I even offered to go get
Amari but--fuckin'--nope, ah, I freaked her out really bad, and she told me to
leave, and then... well, she made me leave, and I said I was sorry, but
goddamn, I scared her real bad. I scared the fuck out of a seventeen-year-old
girl." He groaned and rubbed his face. "I was just asking questions.
But I was thinking back on it, and thinking about what seemed to freak her out
the worst, and I think she must've thought I was... I don't know, trying to get
at her personal secrets or something. Ah, fuck. Anyway I told Amari to go make
sure she was okay. Maybe I'll send her an apology letter or something,
god."

**Izzy:**

 "Okay," Hansel said slowly, still trying to switch
mental tracks a bit. "All right. Uh. I think you should send her a letter,
yeah. She likes letters. They're easier for her." He paused. "Listen,
I'm just gonna assume you did in fact have a decent fuckin' reason for thinking
Luci was in bed with the fuckin' Sanguines or something. Wish you would've
fuckin' told me before you went and harassed my goddamn daughter, but -- all
right."

This Sanguine shit was freaking them all out, he thought.
Goro was fucking smart, but it seemed like it turned into paranoia, even on the
best days. And Luci could be skittish, but she was a tough kid. Hansel'd go
check in on her once she'd had time to calm down.

"I'm not mad at you," Hansel said. "S'okay.
C'mere." He waved Goro over.

**Lina:**

 "You... you're not?" Goro inched closer.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel shook his head. "I trust you. You were trying to
do the right thing, right? I mean -- again, next time, fucking tell me first,
but y'know. You just made a mistake."

**Lina:**

 "Yeah. I gotta admit, this 'doing the right thing' bit
is new to me." He kept scooting closer, until he was within grabbing
distance.

**Izzy:**

 "Yeah, I'm fuckin' aware," Hansel commented,
amused. He reached for Goro's wrist and pulled him in against his chest as he
stood up, and kissed the top of his head. "Listen, Luci's a tough kid.
Write to her, and when she writes back, we'll go see her. It'll be all right.
She's fuckin' practical."

**Lina:**

 "Alright. I will." Goro put his arms around
Hansel's waist and settled against his chest, relieved. Well, thank fucking god
that hadn't been a disaster. "You eat dinner already? I told Amari I was
going to eat here but she wouldn't let me."

**Izzy:**

 Fucking called it. He brushed it off. "Yeah, I ate a
bit." He gave Goro a squeeze. All right. "There's something else we
gotta talk about, though."

**Lina:**

 "Yeah? What?"

**Izzy:**

 "Mishka told me about the uh, conversation you two had
before you headed off to the Sanctuary."(edited)

**Lina:**

 Goro wrenched himself away--not all the way, just enough to
grimace at Hansel. "What'd he say?"

**Izzy:**

 "He said -- not his words --," Hansel admitted,
"that he asked you a really fucked up bizarre question and you ran for
it."

**Lina:**

 "Uh. Well. Did he... did he say what the question
was?"

**Izzy:**

 "Sure fuckin' did." Hansel hesitated. "Did
you -- I mean, d'you have an answer for it?"

**Lina:**

 "Um. I, uh." Goro pulled away, stepped backward a
couple paces, then thought of a good excuse. Water. He was fucking thirsty. He
kept talking while he walked into the kitchen. "Look, I wasn't gonna
fucking say... yes, or--I don't know, how was the question phrased? Look, I
wasn't going to say I'd fucking wish him out of existence." He clattered
around in the cupboard until he had a clean cup. He filled it water from the pitcher
and gulped half of it down.

**Izzy:**

 "It's okay," Hansel said quickly, moving closer to
Goro, but giving him space. "Hey. Listen. I mean, I told Mishka that,
y'know -- if there'd been someone in his life when he and I met, someone he was
married to and all, and I had that option, I'd've fucking taken it. It's not
... fucking kind, but I would've." He wanted Goro to understand that there
wasn't a wrong answer, here, that he wasn't going to get upset. "But it's
more complicated than that, right? With you and Mishka," he prodded.

**Lina:**

 "Oh, yeah. Sure as hell is." Goro stared into the
cup.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel watched him quietly for a moment. He remembered when
they'd played that game, and he'd thought about asking, what do you feel for my
husband? "Are you in love with him?"

**Lina:**

 Goro was in the middle of taking another drink. He breathed
in, choked, and spat most of the water back out. "Uh, no?
Sure--fuckin'--not anymore, I'm not. God, you know what he said to me the other
day?" He coughed wetly.

**Izzy:**

 Not anymore. Hm. All right. "What?"

**Lina:**

 Goro stared intently into the cup again, fingers gripping it
tight. "Well, first of all, he fuckin'... I was saying I missed how it
used to be between us, you know, with the... we'd kiss, sometimes, and... well,
he was my first, you know? And he said something like, oh yes, I suppose I can
do that again. And I was like, hell, do you even fucking want to, and he said,
what does that matter?" Goro felt nauseous, thinking of it again. He'd
drunk too much water, too fast.

**Izzy:**

 "C'mere." Hansel took Goro's arm and tugged him
back over to the table to make him sit down. "Listen. Uh." He chewed
over it for a second. He didn't like saying shit about his and Mishka's
relationship to other people. Always felt too personal somehow. But Goro was in
this.

"Listen, when he and I first got together -- I mean, it
was this whole fuckin' thing, but I got pissed at him, and I was gonna leave
the ship, 'cause -- I felt like he was leading me on and shit. And I said
something like, fuck you, Captain, suck my dick. And he said all right. He said
-- if that's what it takes to make you stay." He paused. "And I
thought -- I thought he was fucking with me at first, joking around or
something, but he was being fucking serious. He didn't wanna lose me and he
thought that was what I wanted, and that was what'd make me stay. Even if it
wasn't want he'd wanted."

Another brief hesitation. "He wants you to stay with
him. He really fucking does. It's just -- hard for him to say what he fucking
wants, and you have to be ... careful with him. I mean, you were," he
added quickly, squeezing Goro's hand. "You did the right fuckin' thing,
obviously. But I get why you were freaked out by it."

**Lina:**

 Well, that was a fuckin' weird story, but considering how
testy Goro got every time Hansel wouldn't open up about his past, he supposed
this was not the time to start saying things like Why the hell are you telling
me this?

And, well, he knew why Hansel was telling him. Didn't make a
difference, though.

"Mm." Goro shook his head. He downed the rest of
his water. "I didn't get to the best part. Oh, he told me he wanted to
fuck me some more, alright. I got that much out of him. Said he wanted to do
filthy things to me. And I said, yeah, but... you know I'm not just after sex,
right? And he said, how do you mean? And I said--well, I don't remember what I
said. But I made myself clear, I think, that I thought maybe there'd been more
between us. And he said--"

I wasn’t really thinking about it. I don’t think I noticed.

Goro hadn't planned to tell Hansel about this. He'd just
wanted to forget about it and move on.

He slumped forward and rested his head on the table.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel winced and put his hand on Goro's back. He wasn't
sure if he should push or just ... wait. Maybe give it a moment, then push if
Goro didn't say anything. That felt safest.

**Lina:**

 Goro took a moment. It was okay. Hansel wasn't just gonna
fucking walk off, or anything.

He sat back up with a heavy sigh. "He said he hadn't
been thinking about it. Hadn't noticed. He just thought I was pleasing to hang
out with." Saying it now brought it back into sharp focus. He shifted in
his chair, trying to find a more comfortable position, but there was none.

"It fucking... hurt me a fucking lot, alright? So I tried
to just stay out of his way for the past few days. And then earlier, I finally
talk to him again because I need help with the teleportation circle, and he
tells me he loves me. Fuck. What the fuck's that supposed to mean? So no,
Hansel, I'm not fucking in love with him, I'm trying my hardest to just--"
He mimed chopping his hand through the air, bringing it down against the table
with a thunk. "Feel fucking nothing."

**Izzy:**

 Pleasing to hang out with. Mishka had probably thought that
was a nice thing to say. He didn't fucking hear himself sometimes.

Hansel slid his chair closer and pulled Goro against his
chest again. He didn't think there was much he could say, here. Mishka was
going to have to answer for himself -- it'd only sound like so many fucking excuses
for his husband, coming from Hansel. He didn't really know if Goro'd buy
anything that Mishka could say, either, but.

"I'm sorry he hurt you." Hansel rubbed his back.
"He doesn't fuckin' make himself clear, sometimes. All right, fuckin'
frequently, maybe." He drew back. "Will you come upstairs and talk to
him? I'll be there. I'm not going to let him fuck you up. You just -- the two
of you need to talk this out. No bullshit."

**Lina:**

 "Mmmmm." Goro grabbed onto a fistful of Hansel's
shirt. How about another day? How about next year? How about never?

**Izzy:**

 "Goro." He wanted to say do it for me but that was
fucking unfair. "Please?"

**Lina:**

 Goro peeled his lips apart far enough to say,
"Fine."

**Izzy:**

 "Thank you, shemeshi." He wrapped his arms around
Goro to lift him up, kissing the top of his head. All right. All right.

He'd kept telling Mishka that this was going to work out,
but as he carried Goro up the stairs, he considered the fact that he had no
real fucking idea how to make that happen. He didn't blame Goro for being hurt.
Mishka had fucking hurt him, before, too. But he didn't think that -- if Goro
had been in love with Mishka -- that'd just gone away, no matter how hard he'd
tried to make it. Eldath knew Hansel had fuckin' tried that, too.

He set Goro back on his feet, outside the door, and tapped
on it to make sure Mishka was ready to see them.

**Coyote:**

 Mishka had been sitting quietly a while, rehearsing things
in his head.

The problem was, he hadn't expected things to happen this
quickly. He'd gotten wasted thinking he'd have time to sober up. Thinking he'd
talk to Goro in a few days, or something.

Hansel just kept pushing it to happen now. And Mishka had
disguised it, insisting maybe Goro needed time to calm down and think. But he
realized, now, the truth: he wanted time for himself. So he had time to cut off
his emotions again.

Well, fuck it. Here it went. Mishka took a drink, set the
bottle down, screwed the top on. He kept hold of it so he'd have something to
fiddle with. He went to the armchair and sat there so no one could touch him or
hold him. That way Hansel and Goro could have the couch.

"Come in," he called.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel put his arm around Goro and kissed his head again,
and led him inside, closing the door behind them. Mishka had been getting
drunk, clearly, which might not've been the worst thing, really. He was sitting
by himself, so Hansel pulled Goro over to the couch to sit down, keeping the
arm around him.

Ah, fuck. Did he have to start this? Shit. Fuck. All right.
Huh.

He appraised Mishka for a moment, wondering what he could
... deal with, right now. What was the last thing they'd talked about?
"Mishka. D'you wanna -- can you explain why you told Goro that you, uh.
Hadn't noticed you loved him. Said the thing about him being --" god --
"pleasant to hang out with, or whatever?"

**Coyote:**

 Yeah. Sure. Mishka could explain, if it helped. His eyes
shifted to the door-- feeling too closed in. Wishing they didn't have to talk
about this, but knowing they oughta get it over.

"Yeah," he said. He wasn't sure it'd fuckin' help,
though. His jaw clenched. "I care about you. I love you. But I needed time
to think about it and decide what to do." He said, "I didn't realize
it would upset you. I should've just said I needed time."

**Lina:**

 Hm. He didn't sound like he was lying, but... Goro glanced
at Hansel to see his reaction. You know him better than I do. You tell me if
this seems fucking legitimate.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel caught the look and gave Goro a nod. Yeah. He was all
too familiar with I didn't realize it would upset you.(edited)

**Coyote:**

 Mishka shut his eyes. He wanted more alcohol. He was tired
of people treating him like he was crazy. It stirred the bad thoughts in the
back of his mind, the ones he was trying really fucking hard to ignore. The one
that said: See? You're defective.

He tried to take a step back to protect his own feelings and
apparently cut someone's throat instead.

"I realize this is a fucking weird offer," Mishka
said. "And maybe it's the wrong thing. But if it makes you feel
better..."

He was about to say, If it makes you feel better, I can take
the truth serum. Then Goro would know he was being honest, right?

But then before he finished his sentence, he changed his
mind. That wasn't going to make Goro feel better. That was just going to be
Mishka being fucking weird and defective and saying the wrong thing again. So
instead he shut up. He shook his head and took a drink of vodka instead.

**Lina:**

 "What? You'll take the truth serum, too?" Goro
shook his head. "You know, this might sound weird to you, but... I just
don't buy that kind of shit. The truth's a slippery motherfucker. I should
know, I've been Zone of Truthed more times than I'd care to count. I know how
to shift things around. Polish 'em up, make them the truth even if in my heart
they're still a lie. Because the thing is, life's too fucking complicated for
yes and no answers, most of the time. The things I think and feel, they're a
fucking jigsaw I haven't put together yet. And I bet it's the same with you.
Maybe your truth serum can shine the light on a couple pieces for us both, but
what about the rest of it?" He shrugged. "I know it might make you
feel better, but it wouldn't do anything for me."

**Coyote:**

 Mishka nodded jerkily. "Figured." He set the bottle
aside. If he kept it in his hands, he'd go too far without realizing it. Didn't
want to blackout halfway through.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel pulled away from Goro for a moment to go to Mishka,
put a hand on his cheek and kiss the top of his head. Whispered, "I love
you," and moved the bottle further away from him, sitting it on the coffee
table and settling next to Goro again.

**Coyote:**

 Mishka tried not to show his relief. He breathed easier,
though.

"Have you thought about what I asked?" he asked
Goro.

**Lina:**

 "Yeah, I fuckin' thought about it."

**Coyote:**

 Mishka rubbed his face. He thought about saying: I'm not
going to leave you, even if you say yes or don't answer. I'll still be here and
want to be your friend.

He didn't think Goro gave a shit, though. He knew what Goro
would say: You think I want to be your friend after you asked me that?

Yeah, he shouldn't have started drinking. He felt like he
was going to cry, and the idea of crying in front of people right now made him
want to leave.

**Izzy:**

 Hmm. Hansel knew they had to talk this out between
themselves, but if Mishka wouldn't say to Goro what he'd said to him, Hansel
guessed he would just fuckin' put it out there.

"Khochav," he said gently. "I know this is
hard. But you said you waned to talk to Goro." Maybe he shouldn't have
pushed it so soon. He just felt like if he kept waiting, things would keep
getting worse. "You told me that no matter what Goro said, you didn't want
to turn your back on him. Right? It's okay. And Goro told me that he
wouldn't've fuckin' wished you out of existence. So would you just ... fucking
... say that to each other."

**Lina:**

 "Yeah, that's fucking right," Goro said. "I
wouldn't. I hate that stupid fucking question, Mishka. Y'know, I could ask
Hansel who he'd fucking pick if it came down to between the two of us, if we
both were drowning and he could only grab one, and we all fucking know what
he'd say. It's not a secret. But I wouldn't ask, 'cause it's fucking
rude."

It was also probably rude for Goro to just say it, but, well,
too fucking late.

"If I could choose to be the only love in Hansel's
life, well yes, I'd fucking choose it." And he was pissed he was having to
say it. That feeling, again, of ripping his heart out of his chest and throwing
it on the ground for people to look at. "Would I wish you dead to make it
true? Fucking no. For fuck's sake. I love you and I care about you. God."
He pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face against them.

Not the most tender declaration of love he could have
managed, probably. He'd try again in a few minutes.

**Izzy:**

 "Goro." He put his hand on Goro's shoulder
carefully. "You did fucking ask me that. You asked me if I'd shove you out
of the way to get to Mishka if you were both hurt. And I told you I'd fucking
get both of you. That's the goddamn truth. I'm not -- trying to be fuckin'
petty, here, I'm just trying to make a point. No one has to fucking
choose."

**Lina:**

 "Well--that was--that was different," Goro
muttered. God damn it.

**Coyote:**

 Huh.

“Goro,” Mishka said. “I don’t think you got what I was
asking. What I’m saying is—would you rather have both of us, or would you
rather have Hansel to yourself? I’m not fucking asking if you love Hansel more
than me. That isn’t the question, here. I would rather have all three of us together.
But I don’t want that to be your second fucking choice. I don’t want that to be
some kind’ve compromise, like oh well, you can’t have him to yourself, so you
guess you’ll fuck us both.”

**Lina:**

 Goro didn't answer right away, because the most tempting
thing was to say Why does it matter what I want? Throw Mishka's awful question
right back at him. But he held off. It felt too close to mockery, and Goro
didn't want to mock Mishka for his weird fucking issues. They all had 'em.

He was fucking mad about the question, though. It wasn't
fair. And it took him a minute to piece together why.

He'd kept trying to ask Mishka and Hansel, when they wanted
to know what he liked in bed, How am I supposed to know if I've never tried it?
This was the same fucking thing, really. And he wasn't sure Mishka or Hansel
even really got it, still, but he'd try and explain it again.

He lifted his face off his knees. "How am I supposed to
answer that," he said, carefully and quietly, "when I don't know what
it would be like? When you won't--" No, no blaming, that wasn't helpful.
He was getting worked up again already. He had to keep explaining himself.
"I never look before I leap, you know. I never know what I'm going to
think of things. I always just want to try them out. I fuckin'--pfff--sold
sixty seconds of my life to Crazy Hivemind Bitch, and I sure as hell didn't
like how that turned out. But did I learn anything from that? Hah, fuckin',
less than you'd hope. I learned that's how I do things. Dive in head
first."

He made himself look Mishka in the eye. "If what you
want to ask me is, do I want to try all three of us--yes. I fucking do. And
I've been trying to tell you that."(edited)

**Coyote:**

 Mishka said, "Goro, I've spent the last twenty-eight
days feeling like you meant a lot fucking more to me than I ever meant to
you." He said, "You don’t seek me out. You wait until you can tell
I'm about to walk away, and you don't like that, so you come after to me then,
and say just enough to keep me around."

He forced himself to calm down. He was angry, and hurt, and
felt—just fucking worthless. He was so fucking tired of wanting or needing
things and not getting them. It was easier to just not need them. It was a long
process, but he was getting there.

So he forced it down. “You said the other day I had no idea
how much you care about me. Goro—I’m a liar. Words are words. People can say
anything. You said yourself, before, the truth is more complicated. You say you
love me, but you don’t fucking…”

Yeah. He should've stayed sober. He put his head in his
hands and shut up.

**Izzy:**

 This was uncomfortably familiar. Hansel couldn't help the
memory of himself shouting and growling and banging around his quarters,
demanding, What the fuck do you want? You act like it’s some fucking game we’re
playing. You’re never gonna fucking let me win.

He remembered saying, If you're just trying to torture me,
it's fucking working, and he looked at Mishka with his head in his hands,
looking so goddamn dejected. He'd been angry. Mishka was just ... broken.

He touched Goro's shoulder again, briefly, then pushed back
up to go and lean over Mishka -- not making him move at all, letting him be
still, just holding him tightly in place and kissing his hair.

**Coyote:**

 Mishka stayed tight. He couldn't help it. Knew he should
relax, knew Hansel was doing the right thing, knew this was the part where he
was supposed to accept the comfort.

He couldn't. He fucking wanted to. But he couldn't. So he
shut his eyes and let Hansel hug him, and prayed Hansel understood I want you
here, stay with me without Mishka having to ask for it.

And then he thought: Fuck it. And he wrapped his arm around
Hansel's back and kept him there.

**Lina:**

 "Well..." Goro hugged his knees. His eyes darted
for the door. He could just leave, if he wanted. He wasn't a fucking prisoner
or anything.

You don't seek me out. What did that even mean? Seek him out
for what?

Say just enough to keep me around. Well, fuckin', yeah. Why
wouldn't he?

"You want me to take the damn truth serum, then?"
he asked. "And say I love you then?"

**Coyote:**

 Yeah. There was that look again, as soon as Mishka needed
Hansel. Goro's eyes shifting like he needed to leave. "No," Mishka
said hoarsely.

**Lina:**

 "What am I... supposed to do, then?"

**Coyote:**

 "I don't know," Mishka said. He let go of Hansel.
"I'm sorry. I don't know."

He wiped his face. He shifted, wanting to stand to go, but
knowing he wasn't supposed to. Knowing it'd just piss Hansel off.

He was so fucking tired.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel mulled this over, keeping a hand on Mishka. He wanted
to just -- fucking fix them, push them together, tell them there weren't any
fucking obstacles here. It was fine, if they would just fuckin' let it be. He
wanted to order them to just fucking stop, and do what he said, because he was the
only one seeing that they were only hurting because they kept misreading each
other, just missing each other. Ships in the goddamn night.

He couldn't do that, though. He glanced over at Goro, then
back to Mishka, and bent his head close to Mishka's again to murmur,
"Neye, my love. Will you come sit on the couch with us? I know you're
exhausted. I know you don't know what to do. Goro doesn't either. Just come
sit."

**Coyote:**

 Mishka went, and he sat on the couch, because Hansel had
asked him to. And it was easy to do the things Hansel asked him to.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel positioned himself between the two of them, because
that seemed like the safest option. He kept his arm around Mishka and pulled
him in close. "Why don't you care about the truth serum anymore, ahuvi?"
he asked. "Goro said he'll take it. Wouldn't it make you feel
better?"

**Coyote:**

 "“Look.” Mishka felt himself tense up again. Fucking
nothing I say or do is going to make this better. If I’m honest, I get bit, or
called a liar, or treated like I’m fucking crazy, or told I need to stop
manipulating people. If I say nothing, I’m not communicating. If I stay close,
I get hit. If I move away, I’m being too flighty, and moving away hurts people.

“Look,” he said again. He forced it down. “Goro. Do you love
me, or are you in love with me? Because I’m in love with you.”

**Lina:**

 Goro stiffened up and leaned away from both of them, turning
his head to get a better look at Mishka. "You... you are?"

In Goro's extremely limited experience, that was not how
somebody acted when he was in love.

People were different, though. They were really fucking
different. Goro may not have had much experience with love, but he was
learning. He didn't think Mishka was lying. They just spoke a different
language.

He still didn't answer the question.

**Coyote:**

 “Alright. Look.” Mishka didn’t look at him, then, just
focused his eyes on the bookcase.

“You do this… thing. Where as soon as someone’s part of your
crew, you’re willing to die for them,” Mishka said. He gripped Goro’s hand when
he said it. “It might be one of my favorite parts of you. The way you… throw
yourself into things. Sometimes I feel like there’s two kinds of people for
you: people you’d kill for and people you’d kill. It’s fucking charming.”

Mishka still remembered the moment he’d realized he’d
shifted from one list to the other. It was the moment he’d gotten drunk and
told Goro about the dragon in the desert. They’d been sitting down in the hold
together. Mishka had explained about the dragon after him. And Goro had looked
down, cleaning his nails, and said, So we gotta kill a dragon, huh? What kind?

“I’m not like that,” Mishka said. “I don’t die for people. I
don’t fight for people. I never did before, I mean. I always
thought—y’know—fuck other people, what’d they ever do for me. My own mother
threw me out. I looked after myself, I thought, and I didn’t fucking want other
people to help me, so other people ought to look after themselves, too. Maybe
that’s why I like it so much in you. It’s fucking charming. I know I shouldn’t
like it, but I do.”

He curled up. He felt restless, like he needed to move, work
out some energy.

He reached across the couch and grabbed Goro’s arm. Pulled
he closer across Hansel’s lap, made Goro come to him.

He looked Goro in the eyes. His storm-colored eyes, all
green and blue and grey. “Yes,” Mishka said. “I’m in love with you. And I want
you to know I’d—die for you, too. When the time comes, if we ever get backed
into a corner, I’ll go down right fucking beside you. And that isn’t casual for
me. I wouldn’t die for you because you’re in my crew. That’s because I’m
fucking in love with you.”(edited)

**Lina:**

 Oh, god, fucking, damn.

He fucking loved the feel of Mishka's hand gripping him. He
always had. It had such a different quality from when Hansel held him. It was a
little more desperate, a little more frantic. It said: I do this for hardly
anyone, so listen up. Listen carefully.

Essentially what Mishka was telling him now, with actual
words, from his mouth.

And, fuck, the way he was looking into Goro's eyes...

I'd rather wait, he'd said.

Maybe we should just wait until tomorrow to see how we feel.
It had been tomorrow a long fucking time ago, damn it.

We can wait.

I'll make you wait.

Fuckin' Mishka. Goro grabbed him by the back of his head and
kissed him, hard.

**Coyote:**

 Goro hadn’t explained. Hadn’t said yes. They needed to keep
talking about this. This wasn’t the time. They shouldn’t…

Yeah, Mishka didn’t fucking care.

God, it felt so fucking good. Goro’s touch had never made
Mishka uncomfortable. It was the way Goro touched him that Mishka loved:
sometimes he was careful, like he was handling some delicate treasure, and
sometimes he was desperate, like he knew he ought to be careful but couldn’t
stand it anymore.

Mishka gripped both Goro’s wrists and physically dragged him
closer, pulling him over Hansel’s lap, on top of him. He fisted his hand in
Goro’s shirt as if to say: Stay. Keep kissing me. I want you here.

He let go long enough to move for Goro’s belt. Wanted more skin
contact. Wanted to make Goro shudder and react to him. He half-considered it
for a split second. But Hansel was here, and Hansel wanted them to talk, and—

Fuck. Mishka forced himself to calm down. He didn’t let go,
though. Just made himself stop. He wrapped an arm around Goro’s waist to keep
him over on this side of the couch.(edited)

**Izzy:**

 Ah. Hm. Well, this was an acceptable fucking outcome. Kind
of. Shit. They probably needed to ... talk more. Right. But fuck, he hated
having to be the responsible one and shit. Mishka pulling Goro across him like
that. Goddamn.

The most responsible thing would probably be to pull them
apart and tell them off and make them have a quiet, logical, considerate
conversation, but that also seemed like a bad fucking idea, so he put a hand on
Mishka's shoulder instead, to remind him why they were there. Which probably
didn't work. He just really fucking wanted to touch them, but if he touched
both of them, there really wouldn't be any more goddamn talking.

"Hey. Uh. Not that I'm fuckin' complaining, but ... do
you still need to fucking talk about this shit?" he prodded. "Before
something you'll regret happens, here."

Or don't, he thought. Say nah, we're good, let's go.
C'mon.(edited)

**Lina:**

 "Nah," Goro said, and he pushed back in to keep
kissing Mishka.

**Coyote:**

 Mishka kissed him for a good long moment. "Ah,
fuck," he said breathlessly. "Fuck, Goro. Fuck, fuck, fuck--"

He could crack them both away right now. There was a bed not
twenty feet away. Then he caught Goro's wrists again to make Goro's stop
touching him. Not because he wanted Goro to stop touching him, but because he
liked it too fucking much, and if he let it keep going, he was going to lose
his fucking mind. And then neither of them were going to be able to stop.

"Hang on," Mishka said. "Two uh... two
things. One. Do you-- is that-- a yes, or--?"

**Lina:**

 "Is what a yes?"

**Coyote:**

 Mishka swallowed. Went still, and went cold. For fuck’s sake.
He couldn't make himself say it again.

**Izzy:**

 "Goro, don't fuckin' be a jackass."

**Lina:**

 Goro frowned up at him, then at Mishka. "Oh. Oh. The do
I... am I in love with you thing." He tested Mishka's hold on his wrists.
"Well, I sure fucking am now."

**Coyote:**

 “Alright. Uh.” Goro pulled at his grip. He didn’t pull
away—more like he was checking to see how firmly Mishka was holding him. Fuck.
"Second question. Which, uh. Which part of that speech worked?"

**Lina:**

 Really, still, with the talking? But it would make Hansel
happy, he guessed.

"What the hell does that mean?"

**Coyote:**

 "Which part made you kiss me, jackass. What d'you
think?" Mishka wanted to know so he could do it more.

**Lina:**

 "Which part..." Goro's face screwed up in
confusion. "You fucking--grabbed me and pulled me over, and--this is all
I've been wanting to fucking do for fucking ages, and you wouldn't--and now
you're asking--god, fuck!" He shook his arms and yanked his wrists free of
Mishka's hands, and pushed against him to climb off the couch. His head was
breaking from the confusion, was all, and he had to go put it back together.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel stood immediately and intercepted Goro before he
could make it very far, catching him against his chest and wrapping him up
tight. Seemed like he needed that, sometimes -- the pressure. "Hey,
hey," he said softly. "Shh. You're okay. You're okay right here. I
got you. Settle. We're gonna keep talking."

**Lina:**

 Goro grunted unhappily, but he couldn't get out of Hansel's
arms, nor did he particularly want to. He leaned against him instead.
"Fine. I'm talking. Here's words. Blah, blah, blah."

**Izzy:**

 Idiot. "Mmhm." He guided Goro back over the the couch.
Mishka was supposed to be better at the talking thing. Fucking unbelievable
that Hansel kept having to do it. "Listen." He kissed the top of
Goro's head and then pushed him gently back down onto the couch beside Mishka.
"Consider this, jackass -- maybe Mishka's asking what made you kiss him
because he fuckin' wants to know how to do it again."

**Coyote:**

 Mishka had to say that? God. Hansel always just knew what he
meant.

Mishka folded his legs on the couch. This was going to take
some adjustment.

**Lina:**

 Goro looked between the two of them, holding his hands out
at a loss. "Wha... I don't know, just be you? I've been fucking wanting to
do that for weeks, and... what the fuck is going on? Why does this feel like
some kind of weird fucking test?" He pulled his legs up to hug them again.
"Why can't you just love me, and let me love you? Why's it so hard?"
He put a hand to his face, thumb and forefinger pressing against his eyes.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel sat next to him. Fuck, he really wished it were just
... that easy. "It's not a fuckin' test, chatichi," he said slowly,
glancing at Mishka. He took Goro's hand, the one not pressed against his face.
Mishka would ask him, How does it feel like a test, beloved? so he said,
"No wrong answers, all right? Just, y'know. No one's trying to grill you,
we're just talking."

**Coyote:**

 Alright.

You fucking grabbed me and pulled me over, and this is all
I’ve been wanting to do for fucking ages, Goro had said. So it wasn’t what he’d
said, then, it was the touching.

So Mishka touched him again. He wrapped his arm around
Goro’s waist and pulled Goro closer so that Goro was tight against him again.

Being blunt used to work. “I want to know the things you
like so I can do them to you,” Mishka said. “I fucking love the way you look
when you’re worked up. The way your eyes go wide, and your breathing changes,
and you shudder like you can’t sit still. I want to do that to you all the
time.”

He liked having Goro on the couch between them. Felt good.
He put a hand on Goro’s jaw and made Goro look at him. “But if you don’t know
what you like yet, that’s okay,” he said. “We can help you figure it out.”

He watched to see if that worked. He really fucking hoped
so. Hansel was already ahead of him, likely, on the things Goro liked.
"Hansel already knows what you like," Mishka said. "Or some of
it, at least. So if you really don't want to talk... I can just get it from
him."(edited)

January 20, 2019

**Lina:**

 God, that was fucking hot. Every fucking part of it.

He still felt like he was missing something, or being set up
for something.

"Is this a joke?" he said quietly. "Are you
guys fucking with me? Are you fucking with me, or can we, all three of us, be
together?"

The notion that Hansel had been leading him along for weeks
as the buildup to this--a huge gotcha--was absolutely fucking absurd, and he
knew it. But it seemed too good to be true otherwise, and he wasn't used to
things feeling that way.

**Izzy:**

 "Goro." Hansel moved closer, pressing Goro between
them, slipping his arm around Goro's waist alongside Mishka's, directing Goro's
attention back to him. "Why would we be fucking with you? I love you.
Mishka loves you." He held Goro's cheek and kissed his forehead softly.
"We all fucking want to be together. So we're going to. Simple."

**Coyote:**

 Yeah, if you don't drive me away again, Mishka said. He
wanted the three of them to be together so fucking bad.

But he wasn't sure how to explain: All I fucking need is for
you to look me in the eye and tell me you're in love with me. Or show me. And
you avoid the question, and make me give you a speech on how much I love you,
and downplay it, and make me keep asking, and then you only give it to me
halfway. I don't know how much longer I can-- I can't just--

He needed something. He didn't care what it was, just
something. It had been so fucking hard, saying he was in love with Goro and
asking if Goro was in love with him. He didn't know if he could keep being
vulnerable if Goro wouldn't do it back.

But this felt good. The kissing and the flirting. And he
wanted to feel good again so fucking bad.

Why ruin this moment?

"I want to be," Mishka said.

**Lina:**

 "Right. Okay." Goro covered his face and gave a
wheezy laugh. "I'm not gonna argue. Seems too good to be true, but I won't
fucking argue. The two of you, with everything you have together, ten years in
you spot little ol' me and say, 'Yeah, we want that one.' Fuckin'... alright, I
guess." He shook his head a few times, still hiding his face.

He liked being in between them; it felt good. But he needed
to get fucking closer to someone, to curl up. Instinct nudged him toward
Hansel--it was force of habit, and a craving for Hansel's steady arms, and a
longing to feel safe, because he knew Hansel wouldn't hold him back or push him
away.

But he really wanted to fucking try out Mishka that way,
too. So he turned toward Mishka, curling against him, and put his arms around
Mishka's shoulders. He kissed Mishka's cheek and hairline, nuzzling against
him, pleading in his head. Don't pull away. Just let me fucking love you.

**Coyote:**

 Mishka breathed a little easier.

It didn't feel... Sexual, this time. Goro wasn't coming onto
him, just holding him. Mishka was dying for affection, and sex seemed like the
fastest way to get it. But this was good, too. Better, in fact, because it made
him think: Huh. Maybe he doesn't just want to fuck me.

He checked the door. Wasn't sure if it was locked or not. No
windows, though, no dangers. Nobody here except for Hansel and Goro.

He settled in closer.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel caught Mishka's glance towards the door. He pulled
away from them -- kissing the top of Goro's head briefly, because he was closer
-- and went to lock it and brace the chair under the knob. Habit. Then he came
back to sit with them again, propping his boots up on the coffee table.

**Lina:**

 Goro held Mishka tighter, as tight as he possibly could. He
wasn't even worried about squeezing too hard--if Mishka could hold up to Hansel
squeezing him, he sure as hell could handle Goro. Goro rested his face in the
crook of Mishka's neck and breathed him in.

And he just rested like that, for a while.

If it could be like this all the time, they'd have no issue,
would they? Fucking words. Despite the fact that he himself could never stop
fucking talking, Goro was all too aware of the fact that words seemed to cause
as many problems as they solved. More, actually.

But suggesting that he and Mishka never speak again, only
hold each other, wasn't exactly an option. Besides, Goro missed how they used
to talk.

"Mishka," he said softly, his lips against
Mishka's skin. "I need you to tell me what you need from me. I don't want
to keep hurting you."

**Coyote:**

 Why? Mishka wanted to ask, baffled. Asking why Goro cared
what he wanted had upset him last time, though.

"I don't fuckin' know," Mishka muttered.
"This is good." Now that he was calming down, he was suddenly feeling
a lot goddamn drunker. He focused on the bottle. Wow, a lot of that was gone.
Yeah, he shouldn't have gotten drunk while he was upset. He had a habit of
taking a swig every time something upset him, and then he'd keep going because
he didn't feel drunk... And then it'd hit him suddenly, later, all at once.

Mishka reached for the bottle again. "We oughta go get
a drink. Well-- you two can get a drink. I can get a sandwich. Then maybe we
come to bed, right?"

Hansel had said they were going to keep talking, but Mishka
was pretty sure if he aimed this the right way-- with a little dirty talk and a
few filthy suggestions-- he could talk Hansel into forgetting about it.
Everything was good right now, at this specific moment. Later problems were for
Later Mishka.(edited)

**Izzy:**

 Nope. Hansel swiped the bottle away from Mishka. As much as
Eldath knew he would fuckin' love to just get a drink and take them to bed, he
wasn't stupid enough to think that was a good idea. He took a quick swig,
though. He was sober, for fucksake. "Khochav, Goro asked you a
question," he said firmly. "You need to answer it." A bit more gently,
but still insistently, he added, "We're still talking."

**Coyote:**

 God damn it. "I mean--" His mouth was dry, and his
head felt... Unclear. He felt drunk, sure, but it'd settled and become almost
pleasant. Maybe he oughta take advantage of this before it passed. Easier to
say shit.

"It's just going to sound like... fucking
complaints," he said. "And petty whining." And it'd make him
feel weak, and he hated that. "Well, fuck it. Fine. You want to hear me
whine about things, I can give it to you. I'm just saying. It's going to ruin
the mood."

Maybe Hansel would say Ah, okay, and drop it. And then
Mishka would have a sandwich. Fuck, he was hungry. He realized a bit too late
he'd forgotten to actually eat dinner and not just make it. He'd skipped lunch,
too. And breakfast. Maybe that's why the vodka was getting to him.

**Lina:**

 Goro sighed and bit the inside of his cheek. He'd been
dislodged from his nice spot against Mishka's neck when Mishka went for the
bottle again, but he grabbed for Mishka's hand and clasped it between both of
his, squeezing it tight. "I don't give a shit if we ruin the mood now,
'cause we're trying to make sure we can even have moods again, period, in the
future. Come on, Mishka. I want to know. I want to make this fuckin'
work." He studied Mishka for a moment. He stroked his thumb along Mishka's
wrist. "Maybe we could get you some water first, though? And that
sandwich."

**Coyote:**

 Ah, Goro was trying to look after him. That wasn't okay. Why
was he doing that? Only Hansel was allowed to do that.

Felt really fucking good, though.

It was such a weird feeling, craving attention and affection
and then not being able to accept it. Asking for it and then moving away. It
was getting easier, though.

Goro wanted to make it work. Goro was right; Mishka felt
good, temporarily, and he wanted to stop talking as soon as he felt good again.
But the problem wasn’t fixed yet. They were just going to keep repeating this
cycle indefinitely unless something changed.

“Yeah,” Mishka said. “I think… I think I need to eat
something. I might’ve forgotten to eat today. I’m just, ah. I’m just worried.
As soon as I sober up, I’m going to… get all fucking cold again, you know,
and—move away, the way I do, and that’s going to hurt you, and—I’ll come up
with reasons not to talk, I’ll convince you not to, or—fuck.”

**Lina:**

 "Hey, hey, relax." Goro threw his arms around
Mishka again and pulled Mishka against him. He kissed his hair. "You're
trying to do this on an empty fucking stomach? God." Kissed him a few more
times. "No. We're gonna fucking make this work, alright? God, I've missed
you."

He hoped this was okay, what he was doing. Hoped it wouldn't
backfire. But it was what he wanted to do, and it felt right, so he guessed
he'd just keep at it until someone stopped him.

**Coyote:**

 God, yeah, that felt good. He was fucking terrified it was
going to stop, or get fucked up again. Scared to lean into it or enjoy it too
much.

“Okay,” Mishka said. “Just—one last thing.”

He got up. But before he left, he bent down again, taking
Goro’s face between his hands. “I missed you, too,” he said quietly. He kissed
Goro softly. He spent a while doing it, taking his time to enjoy it. Just in
case things did turn into a fight. Something to tide him over to reassure
himself things were going to be okay.

He forced himself to let go. God, it was always so fucking
hard to stop kissing Goro, not knowing when he'd get it again. He unlocked the
door and took the chair away. "Coming with or staying behind? Honestly, I
feel like you people could use a drink."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel pulled Goro up with him, before Mishka even had to
say anything. There was no goddamn way he was letting Mishka wander off to the
kitchen right now and trust he'd come back. Things were going all right, but
still. He fucking worried.

He slipped his arm around Mishka to head downstairs.

**Coyote:**

 Ha. Fuckin’ Hansel. Pulling up Goro and following him
automatically. Mishka padded barefoot down the stairs. “I’m just going to go
get a sandwich, Hans. I’m not going to steal a pirate ship and take off in the
middle of the night.”

**Izzy:**

 Hansel grunted. "Well, y'never know."

**Lina:**

 "There is a pirate ship just outside," Goro
agreed.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel jerked a thumb at Goro. "See?"

**Coyote:**

 “Haha. Well, the lake is connected to the ocean via a river,
is the problem, and it takes a couple hours to get the ship to the ocean-- so
if you wanted to like, fuckin’ follow me and get the ship back, you’d just have
to follow the river… honestly if I wanted to take off it’d be better to use a
teleportation circle to get to Calimport… big city, y’know, easy to disappear
in… and teleportation mages like me are hard to find. You’d have to travel to
the Sanctuary and find one there, which is a two-day journey from here,
minimum, and by then I’d be long gone.”

Ah, he should stop talking. This was probably alarming. “I
mean, I’m not going to, I’m just saying, hypothetically, that would be a better
plan…”

They reached the kitchen. If he made a sandwich, he could
shove it in his mouth and stop talking. Good plan. Excellent plan. Mishka
grabbed a loaf of bread and started cutting to toast it.

**Lina:**

 Goro got out a clean cup and poured Mishka some water, then
pushed it at him after he'd been displaced from sandwich-making by Hansel. Then
Goro grabbed a bottle of whiskey off the shelf and set it on the counter near
where Hansel was working.

He took a step back and leaned against one of the cupboards,
arms crossed. He kept having to stomp on the little voice in his head saying,
Just leave. They don't need you here. You're intruding. If they hadn't fucking
wanted him to come, they wouldn't have dragged him down the fucking stairs. It
was that simple. Noisy fucking voice, though. Noisy as him, when he wanted
something and wasn't getting it.

**Izzy:**

 Fucking adorable, Goro setting whiskey out for him. Hansel
was torn between really fucking wanting to not be sober and figuring he needed
to keep a clear head -- he distracted himself from making the choice by making
food, for the moment, and noticed Goro hanging back, so he hooked an arm around
the idiot's waist to pull him over to sit at the kitchen table when he brought
Mishka the sandwich. Kissed Mishka's head, then dragged the chairs around the
way he wanted them -- so he could sit next to Mishka, with Goro on his other
side, and his boots propped up in the fourth chair.

**Coyote:**

 Mishka felt on edge. He drained the water and set it aside,
then started wolfing down the sandwich.

Sitting like this in the kitchen made him remember that talk
he and Hansel had months ago. Right after they’d killed Diva. Hansel had been
upset, so Mishka had reassured him and calmed him down and fed him small
questions, one by one. They’d gone over the problem and fixed it.

Goro said he needed to know how he was hurting Mishka in
order to stop. Alright. That made sense. Mishka fucking hated having to say it,
but he could manage.

“This is going to sound stupid—” He needed to stop doing
that. It wasn’t helpful. Maybe he could just say the thing that was bothering
him. “I’m still not over—you fucking leaving in the woods that night, and that
fight we had before, when Hansel got possessed. I just—I need to understand
what was going through your head, or something. I don’t need you to fucking
coddle me, I just need to understand what was going on, and if it's going to
change."

**Lina:**

 "Me leaving in the woods?" Shit, hadn't that been
fucking obvious? Apparently not.

Mishka wanted to know what had been going through his head.
Well, fine. Goro was as reluctant to go over it again for Hansel's sake as for
his own, but if it was what Mishka needed, he'd fucking do it.

He sat up straight, so there was as little as possible of
his body making contact with anything. Ass on the chair, feet on the floor, and
that was it. He closed his eyes.

"What was going through my head. Let's see." He'd
been pushing it away, but now he had to summon it again. "I was fucking
scared out of my mind. The person I thought loved me..." How the hell did
he even quantify how much? "Like no one had ever fucking loved me before.
They turned on me in a fucking heartbeat, and... and for what? And I thought,
if I was wrong about Hansel, I could be wrong about anyone. And if I could be
wrong about anyone, I couldn't even trust myself, and there was nothing else to
fucking do except run. Who cared if I died? Who cared if people couldn't find
me? Nothing made sense anymore. It was such a small thing that happened, but it
was like... kicking out a brick at the bottom of a tower, and watching
everything else wobble out of balance, and fall. Are you getting the picture
yet? Do I sound sufficiently fucking nuts? I was panicked."

**Coyote:**

 “You don’t sound nuts.” That made sense, it was just goddamn
heart-breaking. “I just—I wish I’d been able to stop you. I know you love
Hansel. I know nothing's going to compare to that. It's just-- there's other
fucking people in this castle that care about you. What about Nixie and Joan
and Larkin and Roddy? What about your mother? And yeah, what about Mishka
fucking Haeth?"

This was sounding selfish. "I felt like you were going
over a cliff, and I was clawing at your arm, trying to keep hold of it and pull
you back up. And you wouldn't fucking let me. You never let me."

He shook his head. "It's fine. I get it. I just--"
He wished one day it would be different.

For all his plans, Mishka hadn't considered that might
happen. He'd never had someone just ditch him before.

**Lina:**

 "I meant what I said. If I was wrong about Hansel, I
could be wrong about anyone. Joan and Nixie and Mikhail fucking Haeth included."

He wracked his brain, trying to remember what Mishka had
said and done that night. Goro had been pretty fucking focused on Hansel--which
he supposed was part of the complaint, here--but... he didn't remember feeling
like Mishka was trying to help him in any meaningful way besides keeping him
from freezing to death. Admittedly, a good place to start.

But he'd never said anything like, Hans, don't treat him
like that. He didn't do anything. Not when Goro had been around to hear,
anyway. And he'd never said anything like It's alright, Goro. He does this
sometimes, but I know he loves you, he loves you so much.

"I'm sorry," Goro said. "It would've been
hard to grab onto you when it was me having a shitty tone at you or whatever
that made Hansel angry. You didn't feel safe to me. I know it's not your fault,
but that's just how it was."(edited)

**Coyote:**

 "Alright." His eyes were unfocused again,
thinking. He'd been angry that night-- pissed at himself for realizing he
trusted Goro-- and, likely, hadn't done a good job trying to keep Goro. "I
was pissed that night, anyway. Pissed I realized I cared about you. I know I
fucked two or three things up, minimum. I'm sorry."

When Mishka was upset, generally he needed someone to
forcefully drag him back and sit him down, tell him to shut up, calm the fuck
down, and make him drink some tea. And then Mishka would go, Ah, alright. And
he'd do it.

He supposed this was not particularly comforting to other
people. Next time he could try to be gentler, sweeter, the way he treated
Hansel when Hansel was upset.

"Well, the next time you inevitably decide nobody cares
if you live or die and try to kill yourself, I'm going to do a better job
stopping you," he said. "Even if it doesn't work, then, either. But I
hope one day it does."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel felt himself tense up as soon as Mishka mentioned the
woods. Pretty goddamn obvious what'd happened, there, he thought. He'd fuckin'
happened. He kept his face blank as they talked about it, and stayed still, and
made himself not react to Goro talking about how it'd affected him. One fucking
moment of losing control and he'd almost fucking lost Goro entirely.

Stayed impassive. Stoic. Kheman used to call him stoic. Said
it half as a joke, because he'd sure as hell known Hansel when he was younger
and routinely out of control, but Hansel had gotten good at living up to it.
This was about Mishka and Goro -- he'd already talked to both of them about it
himself. Didn't have any particular fucking desire to go over it again.

He kind of wished he could walk off without having to
disentangle himself from the both of them. Wouldn't be fair, though. He kept
quiet so they would keep talking, and he didn't reach for the whiskey, because
Mishka would fucking notice that and start paying attention to him instead of
Goro.

**Lina:**

 "I wasn't trying to kill myself," Goro said, voice
coming out sharp. He was gonna lose it again, and that wouldn't help anyone. He
grabbed onto Hansel's pant leg because that was what happened to be closest to
his hand. He made himself scoot back in his chair so he could lean against
Hansel in a more, well, normal way. "It's not fucking inevitable, alright?
I... I don't want that to happen again."

**Izzy:**

 Ah. Fuck. Goro needed him. He had to get his shit together.
Fuckin' stupid, that they were talking about something he'd done to upset Goro,
and Goro was moving closer to him. Better than moving away, though. He'd take
it; he put his arm around Goro's shoulders to pull him in, and kissed the top
of his head, then propped his chin there.

He remembered something Mishka had said, abruptly -- about
how Hansel would leave him, and just be with Goro. He got it suddenly. A spike
of feeling like he should leave and just let them be together.

Goro probably felt that too, considering Hansel and Mishka
were fuckin' married and all. God. They were all fucking idiots. Hansel kissed
him again.

**Coyote:**

 “Aw no,” Mishka said. “Goro, I— fuck, I didn’t mean it like
that. I wasn’t being literal. I just mean, y’know, sometimes I don’t feel like
you care if you live or die—“

Nope, try again. “Fuck, I don’t mean that either. Hang on.”

He held up a finger while he thought. Very clearly and
carefully, he said, “I worry you don’t take care of yourself. And that’s fine, that
ain’t a criticism. So I’m going to try to help. Better. When you’re having
trouble.”

There. God, that was hard.

And then, because he saw Hansel tensing up, he got up to
make Hansel a drink. They had something in Alabaster called a whiskey sour. He
bet Hansel would like it.

**Lina:**

 Goro latched on tight to Hansel. Hansel couldn't have been
enjoying the talk he and Mishka were having now, the reminder of how Goro had
run. So Goro got as close as he could and dug his fingers in, hoping Hansel got
the message: I'm not going anywhere now. Just try and get rid of me,
motherfucker. Try it.

He wanted to reach across and take Mishka's hand, too. But
Mishka got up. Goro watched him making the drink. "Maybe we should tell
each other how to... help each other. Say what we need, when things get bad.
'Cause I want to help you better, too."

**Coyote:**

 That was fucking adorable. The way Goro held Hansel. Fucking
adorable. Mishka made the drink with extra whiskey, less sugar, the way he
figured Hansel would like it, and set it in front of him. He sat back in the
chair.

Ugh. Had to keep talking.

“Look, this is bugging me,” Mishka said. “And it might
fucking hurt to hear it, and I’m sorry for that, but we need to talk about it.

“It’s fucking difficult for me to be emotionally honest with
people,” Mishka said. “I don’t like it. I do it with other people.

 “In the dungeon,”
Mishka said. “When Hansel was possessed. And you started talking about how I
needed to tell you about my and Hansel’s divorce and telling me you were trying
to decide whether you wanted to kill me or not—and then you told me you’d
wanted me to be the bad guy so Hansel could leave me. I was fucking in love
with you then, too, Goro. God knows why. And I needed, afterwards, was five
fucking minutes of reassurance. All I needed was for you to say out loud you
understood or cared about me or didn’t want me dead or—fuck, something.”

“But then I thought, alright,” Mishka said. “He doesn’t get
it. He’s young. He’s not used to this stuff. He grew up on the streets. He
doesn’t understand he scared me. And I thought if I explained, if I spelled out
that you’d done something upsetting and it’d hurt me, you’d want to make it
better. Because—in some fucking naïve corner of my mind—I figured you cared if
you hurt me, even if you’d been avoiding me for two weeks solid. So I forced
myself to be honest and spell it out for you. It was excruciating. It made me
feel fucking weak and worthless but I did it anyway. And you laughed in my face
and told me—fuck, I don’t even remember. Something about how you hadn’t even
shown me what an asshole you were yet, or I didn’t know what it looked like
when you were scary. Goro, I don’t—”

.(edited)

He was upset, but he made himself keep talking. “That’s
always what you fucking do. Hansel was possessed that day. I thought he was
brain-damaged or dead. I was fucking terrified. You were, too, and I thought if
I reassured you, eventually you’d do it back. All I needed was for someone who
cared about me to hold me for five fucking minutes and tell me we’d be okay.
And I just kept… deluding myself, telling myself you did care and I just had to
be clearer, more honest.

“You force me to be as honest as possible about how I’m
feeling, and then you step on it. And you keep doing that. Ten minutes ago, I
told you I was in love with you and asked if you were in love with me. That
wasn’t fucking easy, Goro. That was painful. And instead of just… fucking
answering… you want me to repeat it. So I do, and I go into detail to convince
you, because I figure alright, you need me to say it first, you need me to
reassure you. But then—you still don’t answer the fucking question then,
either. You kiss me. You force me to ask you a second time. Then you’ve
forgotten and we have to remind you what the question was. Then you answer it
halfway, and by then I'm too tired to keep begging you to tell me you love me.
I don’t… I just…”

He put his head in his hands.

“I don’t know how to keep making myself be honest with you,”
he said. “I feel like I’m giving you my heart, and then you step on
it.”(edited)

**Izzy:**

 Hansel hid behind the glass Mishka had fixed for him while
he spoke. Not drinking that much -- just holding it. Being quiet, and still,
because if he grabbed Mishka and said shh, it's all right, settle down, shh,
shh, then Mishka would fucking do it, and he was right. He needed to ... say
these things.

But they fucking hurt to hear for two distinct reasons. The
first was that he couldn't goddamn stand for his husband to be in pain, but the
second was how familiar you don't answer the fucking question and you force me
to ask you a second time and you answer halfway and I'm too tired to keep
begging you to tell me you love me were.

I feel like I'm giving you my heart, and then you step on
it.

If you're just trying to torture me, it's fucking working.

He set the glass down -- quietly, carefully, calmly, gently
-- and put his arm around Mishka to pull him in and kiss his head. He could
whisper it's okay, I love you, but Mishka knew that already, and it wasn't
really the point that Hansel loved him. Hansel kept Goro tight against his
other side. He wanted to just -- fade back, somehow, disappear the way Mishka
could and make them hug each other, but this would do, for now.

**Lina:**

 Goro waited with ever-growing dread as he listened to
Mishka, wondering when he'd get to a part that would make Hansel push Goro
away.

Didn't happen. Hansel kept holding him. But he was still on
edge. There was a lot that could go wrong, here.

"I did, didn't I?" he blurted. "I told you I
loved you. I didn't answer halfway. I said it."

**Coyote:**

 “Alright. I gotta ask. The fuck does it mean when you say
‘you are now’?”

**Lina:**

 "I'm... what?" He tried to remember what the hell
Mishka was talking about.

Right. That was how he'd answered the question.

"It means..." This felt like a fucking trap. Like
there was no right answer. "What do you want me to fucking say, huh? I
wasn't sure before. You know, you've hurt me, too. This isn't a one-way fucking
street. Maybe I needed some goddamn time to figure out how I felt."

**Coyote:**

 Yeah. Mishka was getting that feeling again. He moved back
and dropped it. “Alright.” Kept eating the sandwich.

**Izzy:**

 "Mishka," Hansel said quietly. "Don't do
that." He needed to say more and explain why it wasn't fuckin' fair for
Mishka to shut down, even though he understood why it was happening. Didn't
have the words for a second. "You asked him a question. You don't stop
talking just because you don't enjoy the fuckin' answer."

**Coyote:**

 “Hansel,” Mishka said. “For fuck’s sake. I already opened up
as much as I can. What do you want me to say? I’m waiting for Goro to finish
talking.”

**Izzy:**

 "No. You're doing that fuckin' thing where you go all
cold and pull away." Hansel stayed very quiet. He and Mishka could fuckin'
yell at each other, and it'd be fine, but that'd probably spook Goro. "I'm
not asking you to do anything. Just don't --." He hesitated. Don't fucking
hurt him. "Don't make him feel like if he says the wrong thing, you'll
fuck off."

**Coyote:**

 Mishka set the food down.

“I’m not going to fuck off of you say the wrong thing,”
Mishka said to Goro. “But if you keep hurting me when I’m... weak... around
you, then I’m going to stop being weak around you. And I’m not going to fucking
apologize for that.”

**Lina:**

 Goro was quiet for a minute, letting that settle over him.

"Yeah," he said. "Yeah, that's fuckin'
fair." He cleared his throat. "I did mean it. I really did. I love
you. I'm sorry."

**Coyote:**

 Mishka should’ve been happy about it, he supposed, but at
this point he just— wasn’t. “Alright,” he said.

And then he lapsed into silence. “I’m not trying to be...
cold, or whatever. I just don’t know what else to say. It’s been said.” He
grabbed more water for himself, sat back down again. He felt a lot more sober
now.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel leaned in to kiss the side of his head. "I know
you're not trying to be. Not your fault." Then he pulled back. This seemed
like one of the don't touch me moments, but if it wasn't, maybe that would be
enough to pull Mishka closer again. He could never be sure.

**Coyote:**

 Mishka stayed where he was in the chair, finishing the
water. He stayed tense. He didn’t want to reject Hansel; just couldn’t handle
it right now. He hoped Hansel understood.

**Lina:**

 Goro watched Mishka intently, but Mishka wouldn't look at
him.

Look at me. Touch me.

He wasn't even touching Hansel, though. Goro looked at
Hansel, then back to Mishka. "Did I... did I ruin it already," he
said in a low voice, afraid he'd break something more if he spoke loud.
"Or... well, it seems pretty clear I ruined it a long time ago, but I
thought... maybe..."

Fuck. Fuck, he didn't know what he could say.

**Izzy:**

 Well, this was fucking distressing. Mishka needed to be left
alone, which was fine, but it always left Hansel feeling fuckin' useless. Goro
always responded when Hansel hugged him, though. He always needed it. So Hansel
just -- tried that instead, because Goro was fucking upset too, and Hansel
didn't know what to say to either of them right now.

He could pull Goro against him with both arms and squeeze
him tight, and rest his lips against Goro's hair, but he couldn't do what he
really wanted to do, which was whisper, Hey, no, no, it's okay; shh, you didn't
ruin anything; it's okay; everything's gonna be fine, because Hansel couldn't
lie to save his fucking life, and he didn't know if any of that was true.

January 21, 2019

**Coyote:**

 It was fucking heartbreaking, watching him get upset, but
Mishka couldn’t make himself go comfort Goro.

“I don’t know.” Mishka looked away, eyes unfocused. “I
mean... I’m not fucking telling you these things because I want to hurt you,
I’m telling you because I want them to be different. Fuck, Goro. I wanna tell
you I’m never gonna leave you no matter what you do, but that isn’t true. I’m
not Amari and I’m not Hansel. Sometimes people love each other, but they’re
not... healthy... for each other. They damage each other, and they need to get
away from each other. And if we can’t become healthy for each other, then we
need to stop and get away.”

He toyed with the empty cup. “I don’t think we’re there yet.
I don’t think we’re so bad we ought to just drop this and leave. But it needs
to get better.”

**Lina:**

 Goro nodded over and over again, then buried his face
against Hansel's chest. He curled against Hansel tighter, his throat strained
and dry and his chest feeling like it was going to cave in.

Was it really worth it, to keep doing this to himself? He
kept taking his feelings for Mishka on and off the shelf. And every time, it
fucking agonized him. He could make a commitment now to just fucking be done.
Cut it off here. Throw out anything he felt, and keep his distance. He could be
happy with just Hansel, he knew he could.

It kept not fucking working, though. He tried to stay away,
but he couldn't seem to stop being drawn to Mishka. He wanted it--he did. He
wanted to love Mishka and be loved by him, wanted to be close with him, wanted
it to be the three of them.

But god. The shit he'd be putting himself through if it didn't
get better. And he didn't know if he could do better.

I was fucking in love with you then, too, Goro. God knows
why.

God knows why.

The urge to get up and scream I don't know why either
pressed against the hollow of his throat and wouldn't be swallowed down. He
wouldn't do it, though. It wouldn't help. He just kept breathing heavily, kept
clinging to Hansel like he was a life preserver, and didn't open his mouth.

**Coyote:**

 Oh, fuck this. Mishka got up and dragged his chair to the
other side of Goro.

He hugged Goro so that Goro was resting comfortably between
them, then kissed Goro’s neck. He held him tightly. Even if it wasn’t good
long-term, it could be good for the next five minutes, while Goro needed him,
or needed Hansel.

He didn’t fucking apologize for the things he’d said,
because he wasn’t sorry for them. But he hoped this helped. It seemed to work
better than words, sometimes, with Goro. “Would you feel better if we went back
upstairs, chaveri? Lie in bed, or on the couch again?”

Then he said, “I love you.” A pause. “That’s unrelated, I
just thought you ought to know.”

**Lina:**

 "I love you too," Goro said, quickly, before he
could--fuckin' forget, or something. He wanted Mishka to know. "I don't...
I don't know what would make me feel better."

He let go of Hansel and straightened up, pressing his
knuckles into his eyes. "Sometimes I think I'm like a knife, one you can't
stop grabbing at even though it keeps cutting you. And... I think, for me,
you're like a poisonous flower. One that's just so beautiful and alluring that
I can't stop touching, even though I get sick off it. Even though it might kill
me."

Maybe this shit wasn't helpful to say, either. Wasn't
exactly a solution.

**Coyote:**

 Aw. Mishka pulled him up, then bent to kiss Hansel and
pulled him up, too. “That’s fucking romantic. Mm. Y’know, I don’t think either
of us have much common sense.”

As they walked back up to the room, Mishka said, “Y’know,
the first time I saw you, I was instantly smitten. You were down on the ground,
and I was sitting on that roof. And I had the vials dangling over the edge, and
I felt so fucking smug, because I’d figured I’d won. And I remember looking
down, and there was this little cleric fucker with dark hair looking up at me.
You had this look on your face... I can’t describe it. You looked... focused.
And fucking terrified, but there was something else there, too, like you were
looking into the eye of a storm. And then you cast that spell and made me drop
the vials. And instantly, I was just— fucking smitten.”

He stepped into the room again. “It was like that for me
with Hansel, too.” He snapped his fingers. “Instant. Like getting struck by
lightning. I wasn’t sure if you were going to kill me or kiss me, but— I knew
you were important the instant I saw you.”

**Lina:**

 First time they'd seen each other--it had been a while since
Goro thought back on it. He had been fucking terrified, yes. Here was this
fucking mastermind of a sorcerer who'd just caused a deadly explosion, and
there was little ol' Goro, using the most basic of compulsion magic he'd just
recently learned, with only the faintest fucking hope that it might work--

You are not going to kill my co-worker's fucking child, you
motherfucker--

Come to think of it, that probably wasn't an event Hansel
liked being reminded of.

Goro stepped closer to Hansel and wrapped both his arms
around one of Hansel's, and kissed his shoulder.

"And what do you know?" he said to Mishka.
"It was both."

He didn't know if Mishka knew that, actually. That it was
Goro who'd dealt him the killing blow while he was hosted. He still had that
scar, though, from the Witch Bolt. So maybe.

**Coyote:**

 “Oh yeah. God, that was a good fucking day. Never thought
I’d be glad to get killed.”

Hansel probably thought it was a terrible day, though. But
for Mishka, it was the day he’d been liberated from the worst nightmare of his
life. He’d felt safe. Thinking, Yeah, you bitch. They’re smarter than you.
They’re taking me from you, and you can’t stop them.

“I don’t know if I ever said thank you for that,” Mishka
said. “But thank you. That was fucking smart, what you people did. You can’t
imagine... I mean, Nine Hells. The relief. Or maybe you can imagine, I guess,
considering you got bodysnatched too.” He locked the door again behind them.
“That might’ve been the best day of my life. Waking up on that deck in my own
body again.”

**Lina:**

 "Uh. Yeah. Not me." Goro stood awkwardly, wringing
his hands. "Maybe I wasn't in there long enough for the relief to outweigh
things, but... nah, I didn't know what was real anymore, so."

First, there was the fucking panic of making sure he could
bring Joan back to life. Then once he'd succeeded, the Leech had drained almost
every bit of his own life out of him, and he felt sick and injured and still
fucking panicked. Took ages to go away.

He leaned against a wall, feeling ill. No more thinking
about that. "Anyway. Oh, uh, you're welcome. Had to. Needed you
back."

**Coyote:**

 “Right.” Smart tactical choice. It was natural they’d killed
him first instead of Joan. And bringing him back gave them an extra ally
against Diva. “Well, naturally. Who else would roast the zombies for you?”

He probably ought to stop talking about these things. Mishka
didn’t mind talking about bad things, but it seemed to upset them.

**Lina:**

 "Not that kind of need, Mishka." Goro rubbed a
hand over his face, exasperated and still slightly queasy. Is this what people
felt like when they tried to convince Goro they loved him?

**Coyote:**

 “Then what...? Oh, then because of the Spymaster...?” No,
Goro’s expression said that still wasn’t it. “Then what— oh.”

Mishka stopped, awkwardly. “Oh,” he said. He cleared his
throat. “You mean, um. Even then?”

Even then, Goro cared about him even to need him? That was—
that was fucking touching.

**Lina:**

 "Mmm." Goro rubbed his eyes. He kept leaning
against the wall, even though he just really fucking wanted to walk over and
grab Mishka. Just wasn't sure it was a good idea, still. Giving in.

**Coyote:**

 Mishka’s attention was torn. He wanted to kiss Goro and
enjoy his company.

But Hansel looked uncomfortable. He’d looked uncomfortable
for a while, actually, Mishka had just been ignoring it. This seemed like one
of those times Hansel didn’t want attention drawn to it. And Mishka knew if he
asked, then Hansel would tell him: ”Don’t fuckin’ worry about it. Keep
talking.”

He itched to ask what was wrong, but he already knew what
was wrong. He’d been callous and brought up bad days from Hansel’s past without
thinking about it. He was dying to go rub his back and murmur, “We’re here now.
You got through those bad days because you’re fucking unstoppable and I love
you. You’re perfect. I’m sorry.”

But Hansel would tell him not to.

And that was as good as a command. As good as Hansel saying
the words out loud: ”Mishka, don’t.” So Mishka didn’t, because he always
(usually) did what Hansel said. Paying attention to Hansel wouldn’t make Hansel
feel better. It’d make Mishka feel better, and it was selfish.

**Coyote:**

 After about ten seconds, though, he gave in. “Hey Hans. Are
you—?”

**Izzy:**

 "Nope."

**Coyote:**

 “Right. Gotcha. Yes sir.”

**Izzy:**

 Hansel hesitated. That wasn't ... fucking helpful. It'd be
enough for Mishka, and they'd sit quietly for a while, and then maybe he'd be
able to let Mishka carefully pick apart exactly what had happened, and resolve
why Hansel had gone silent. But it wasn't just Mishka, anymore, and Hansel knew
he could be fucking opaque to most people, and Goro didn't get it yet. And it
wasn't his sole responsibility to, either. Hansel had to fucking try. He kept
saying he'd do better.

So he slowly straightened from where he'd been leaning, and
took Goro's hand and looped his arm around Mishka's waist to pull them over to
the couch. He kissed Goro's forehead. "Gimme a minute." Then
Mishka's. "Keep talking." He pushed them both onto the couch and
turned to head for the bedroom, where it was darker and quieter. "Love
you."

**Coyote:**

 Alright.

There was a beat of silence. Goro fidgeted in the couch,
still not looking at him. Mishka glanced between the door and Goro.

“Wanna kiss while he’s gone?” Mishka said.

He figured the answer was No, but maybe it’d make Goro
laugh.

**Lina:**

 "Yup."

**Coyote:**

 Fuckin’ Goro. They’d been responsible enough at this point—
maybe they deserved five minutes of kissing. Right?

Right.

Fuck. He couldn’t even rationalize it to himself. He knew it
was a bad idea and he was doing it anyway. He knew once they started, it’d be
almost impossible to stop again— it was always impossible to stop kissing Goro.
But that was okay. Fuck rationality and fuck common sense. He was going to kiss
his boyfriend.

He crawled over and shifted on top of Goro. Goro’s eyes went
wide, like he’d been expecting it to be a joke, like he’d expected Mishka to
laugh and say no.

Mishka was fucking done holding back and being reasonable
and patient. He held Goro down and crushed their mouths together. He kissed
Goro feverishly, thinking, Mine, mine, mine. He slid his leg between Goro’s
thighs, relishing enjoying the desperate little noise Goro made.(edited)

**Lina:**

 Goro had figured this would make all his scattered, needy,
worried thoughts go away. Make him feel settled. Distract him enough to feel
good again.

But it... didn't. Not this time.

Felt like something borrowed. Like this might be his last
chance to experience it. It didn't give him more conviction or anything, it
just drove home how fucking conflicted he was, wanting this but being so scared
of losing it.

So he put a hand on Mishka's collarbone and pushed him away,
gently. Looked into his eyes.

**Coyote:**

 Mishka wanted to enjoy this a little while— before the next
inevitable disaster, he’d told Hansel, once— but maybe Goro couldn’t. Maybe
that wasn’t how it worked for Goro.

So Mishka stopped kissing him and gently pulled away. He
didn’t leave, though; he shifted up so he was no longer holding Goro in place
so that Goro could leave if he liked, but stayed in case Goro wanted him there.

He didn’t want to pull back too far in case that seemed
like... rejection, somehow. He wanted Goro to know: No problem. I’ll be here
however you want.

He wrapped his arm around Goro’s waist. “What’s wrong?”

**Lina:**

 "Uh." Goro pointed down. "Everything you said
in the kitchen."

**Coyote:**

 “I main, fair. Just figured we’d have an intermission.” A
little more space, in case Goro didn’t want him this close.

Mishka’s eyes flickered away. “Look, I know this is probably
the fucking wrong thing to say, but— I just want you to know, even if we can’t
work it out as... lovers... I’m not going to just leave you. We can still be
pals. Conspiracy buddies.”

Maybe this was already obvious, but he could say it anyway.
“Y’know how I told you before about wood elf tribes? How they have as many
partners as they like? They have this thing called hano. It means
my-lover’s-lover, essentially. You’re considered family members.”

He wanted to explain this carefully. “That’s why I came to
talk to you today. Goro, even if we can’t fix this— even if we’re so
destructive to each other we can’t be lovers— that doesn’t mean I’m going to
just ditch you. I’ll still be here. We’ll still share a bed, and we’ll still
work together, and we’ll still take down the church together. And when you die,
I’ll mourn at your funeral. We’ll just be... pals. Platonically.”

Pals who didn’t talk much, likely. Friends with an awkward,
broken romance between them— afraid to get close again in case the pieces cut
them. Yeah, this wasn’t comforting.

.

He didn’t fucking want to be Goro’s friend.

He wanted to be his partner.

He wanted to know everything about Goro, why he was the way
he was, why he shoved people away and then cried because they left him. The way
Goro risked his life, over and over again, to save the people he loved, but
refused to believe people loved him back. He wanted to know who did this to
him... who ditched him and made him feel this worthless... so Mishka could find
them and cut them apart.

He wanted to own Goro like an object. A treasure. Some rare,
uncut diamond he’d found that everyone else had missed. He wanted to say: This
is mine. This is ours. Fuck everyone else. My husband and I found him first.
Don’t fucking touch. He wanted to lock the doors and keep Goro tied down— the
way he liked to be, so he couldn’t get away unless he wanted to, and Mishka
knew he didn’t, neither of them did, neither of them ever fucking wanted to get
away from each other.

"I mean, that's not what I want," Mishka said.
"I'd rather be with you. I just want you to know. I'm not going to
leave."

**Lina:**

 Goro reached up and cupped Mishka's cheeks, ran his thumbs
along Mishka's cheekbones. That beautiful fucking face. It always made his
heart beat faster. He ran his fingers through Mishka's hair, twining it gently
around his fingers. He'd never really gotten to do that, before. Mishka usually
wore his hair braided. It was so fucking soft.

What the fuck, honestly. How the hell had Goro managed to
capture the heart of this hundred-something-year-old high elf, this sorcerer,
this pirate, this would-be Spymaster? Who already had the best fucking husband
in the world, for fuck's sake, and he wanted Goro too? What in Mask's name?

It made Goro feel dizzy, somehow, even though he was lying
down. It made him feel fucking special. The same way Hansel made him feel when
he called him deific. They were both out of their fucking minds; Goro had
bewitched them somehow. Lingering side effect of making a deal with an eldritch
abomination. He was too fucking enchanting now to resist.

Haha. Nah. Mishka and Hansel were just nuts, but luckily
Goro was too, so he wouldn't judge.

How'd that saying go? Don't look a gift horse in the mouth?
Whatever the hell that meant. Goro had to look, anyway. Why wouldn't you look?

He kept wanting to warn Mishka. You're making a mistake here.
I can't help how I am. I'm going to keep hurting you. But Hansel had shut that
right fucking down when Goro tried it on him. Said he knew Goro could do better,
because he'd seen him do it. Goro wondered if Mishka would call him on it, too.
Or if Hansel was listening in and would yell from the bedroom. Maybe if Goro
whispered it...

Eh. Goro didn't fucking want to keep hurting Mishka, though.
He was fucking doubtful of his ability to stop, but he guessed he'd just
fucking try anyway.

He spoke quietly, not because he didn't want Hansel to
overhear, but because he didn't want to disturb him while he was resting.
"After the storm," he began, "after Hansel was possessed. And
the... shit I said. Yeah, you're right. I was scared. I get mean when I'm
scared. When you tried to talk to me later, well, guess what. I was still
fuckin' scared. Scared of losing Hansel. Scared he was never going to love me
the way I love him. I know it's not an excuse, or anything. I'm still sorry.
Just letting you know. It'll probably happen again.

"What Amari does is--she makes me cut it out, but she
does it by telling me I'm safe. And she makes me sit there and tell her exactly
why I don't feel safe, in fucking excruciating detail. If I won't talk, or if I
can't come up with anything, that means I have to be nicer." This was
sounding kind of embarassing, now that he said it. "I'm not--saying you
have to mother me, or whatever. I'm just saying, if I get mean, it might be
because I'm scared, and then you should probably just back off. Give me some
space, until I feel better."

He didn't know if Mishka would accept that, though. He'd
said that thing about how he always tried to help Goro back over the cliff, and
Goro never accepted it. Fuck.

**Coyote:**

 “Mm.” That felt counter-intuitive to Mishka. “I can do that.
I s’pose it’s just not intuitive for me. Y’know, when I’m upset, or I’m
spooked, or I pull back, or I’m freaked out, most of the time all I really need
is for someone to come after me, tell me to sit the hell down, and tell me to
drink some fucking tea.” Probably sounded crazy. “I suppose I was trying to do
that with you. Too forceful, I guess.”

He’d always been delicate with Hansel, though. And Hansel
had always been delicate with him.

He closed his eyes. It was nice, Goro touching his hair like
that. “If that’s what you need, that’s what I’ll do.”

**Lina:**

 "Eh, it's not so much about what I need. I'm just
trying to keep you safe from me, I guess."

**Coyote:**

 “Mm. Maybe we can manage it that way.” Mishka lapsed into
silence. “Well. In the same vein. If I ever steal a pirate ship and leave you
in the middle of the night, it’s because I’m a fucking nutcase, not because of
anything you did. I know that won’t make it better. But. Just a heads up. In
case.”

**Lina:**

 "Boy, you sure are a fucking nutcase. I mean, me too,
no judgment. But jeez. I can't even tell if you're joking. I ever tell you
that? You've got the same voice whether you're serious or sarcastic, and it
throws me for a loop every time." He kept threading his fingers through
Mishka's hair, and he leaned up to kiss him on the chin.

**Coyote:**

 Mishka snorted. He kept his voice quiet, because he didn’t
want Hansel to have to relive this. “I mean, that’s what I did to Hansel. I
suppose I skipped that part of the story before. D’you not know that part?”

**Lina:**

 "I do know that part. You told me the first time we met
in the Silverlit Inn." And what a weird fucking conversation it had been,
and a weird time in their lives, but Goro felt intensely fucking grateful for
it now. His dubious decision to pursue Mikhail Haeth.

**Coyote:**

 “Ha. Nine Hells. That feels like so long ago.” It had been
five months for Goro— Almost seven for Mishka, if he counted the extra time
Diva had spent torturing him.

“I don’t know,” Mishka said quietly. “I just feel like eventually
one of us is going to fuck up. Goro, I’ve killed or destroyed every fucking
person I’ve ever cared about. The only exceptions so far have been you, Joan,
Nixie, and... well, fuckin’ Turtle Kid, I guess. Give me ten years and I’ll
ruin all of you. I feel... fucking greedy, and selfish, trying to stay with you
anyway.”

His hand twitched. He wanted to hold Goro closer, but
didn’t.

**Lina:**

 "Mm. Yeah, I'm pretty fucking worried one of us is
gonna fuck up, too." Goro took one of Mishka's hands and laced their
fingers together. "What exactly is it you think you're gonna do to me? How
will you ruin me? Spell it out."

**Coyote:**

 Mishka was quiet for a while.

“I left Hansel,” Mishka said, very quietly, so Hansel didn’t
have to hear it. “One day I realized I was in love with him, and it was
terrifying. Not just because of the dragon. Because it made me feel weak, and
out of control, and I didn’t fucking like that. So I decided to break things
off.”

He played with Goro’s fingers. “So I stole the ship and
everything on it. I went to Hansel and I... I can’t remember exactly what I
said. But I knew he was terrified of being abandoned, and he was terrified of
being a monster. So I used that against him. I was cruel as possible. I was
cold. I pretended to invite him along with me out of pity. I spent years
figuring out what made him tick, what his worst fears were, and then I used all
of them against him to hurt him as badly as possible as fast as possible. I
made him think it was his fault, but I left it vague so it’d haunt him.

“And here’s the fucked up part,” Mishka said. “I thought I
was being kind. I thought by snapping off our marriage as hard and quick as possible,
it’d minimize the pain. I thought by showing him how awful I was, he’d get over
it and go fall in love with someone else. Hansel, you know, he’s the best
husband in the world, and I knew someone else could love him better than me.

.

“Instead,” Mishka said, “I broke him. I cut his throat and
left him in shark-infested waters and made him think he deserved it. So that.
That’s what I think I’ll do to you. I think I’m going to spend years slowly
gaining your trust, teaching you it's okay to love people, and then I'm going
to break you in the worst way possible. And the worst part is, I'll rationalize
it. I'll thinking I'm helping."

And then he said, “Or something else. Who knows. I've got
lots of ways to destroy people. I killed my best friend and made her a lich. I
murdered Aleksei. I killed Asenka and tortured her ghost. I abandoned my whole
crew, and I thought to myself, Fuck it, they’re pirates. We kill people and
take their stuff. They should’ve known better than to trust me. Besides,
they’re smart, they’ll bounce back. I’ve been a real son of a bitch. Someone
oughta kill me.”

He spoke the entire speech in a low, hoarse voice.

"You oughta kill me," Mishka said. "That's
what I thought, initially. I really fucking liked you. But I always sort've
thought I was the villain and you were the hero and you'd take me
down."(edited)

**Lina:**

 "Aw, what--shut the fuck up." He grabbed onto
Mishka and pulled him down to hold tight against him. "No, listen. If I
don't get to pull that shit, you don't either. 'Someone oughta kill me.'
Fuckin'... same here, pal, but guess what. That's not how we're doing it. In
this castle we're all working hard on doing better, that's what I told Roddy.
You think you're gonna break me in the worst way possible? Well, don't. Just fucking
don't, how about that. You know it'd be terrible, you know it wouldn't really
help, so don't."

**Coyote:**

 “Mm.” Mishka couldn’t help but smile at him. It was just
goddamn charming. “Alright. As you say.”

**Lina:**

 "Well, that was easier than I thought it was going to
be." Goro gave his hair a quick kiss. "You're not just fucking with
me, are you? Like I said. Can't fucking tell."

**Coyote:**

 “Fucking with you about— what?”

**Lina:**

 "Agreeing that you're going to do better and not break
me in the worst way possible."

**Coyote:**

 “Mm.” Mishka hesitated again. He definitely wasn’t.

He’d said a couple minutes ago: Sometimes all he needed was
for someone he trusted to tell him to sit the fuck down and fucking cut it out.

Mishka would do pretty much anything if someone he trusted
told him to in a particular tone of voice. It was just that Mishka generally
didn’t trust most people.

Telling Goro that, though, seemed like giving him too much
information. “Well, you said it very confidently.” He kissed Goro’s nose. “I’m
not fucking with you.”(edited)

**Lina:**

 Fine. Goro believed him, he guessed. At the same time,
though... I think I’m going to spend years slowly gaining your trust, teaching
you it's okay to love people. Goddamn. Goro would try not to get hung up on
that--he knew the kind of shit that came out of his mouth when he was busy
explaining what an awful person he was, knew there was no weight behind half of
it--but even the fact that Mishka seemed to know, already, where Goro was the
weakest was unsettling. Goro supposed he and Hansel had that in common, though,
so Mishka had some experience already.

"Hey. What do you think Hansel would do if you ruined
my life? I'm just curious."

**Coyote:**

 Huh. Oddly enough, Mishka hadn’t thought about it.

“I think he’d leave me,” Mishka finally said.

**Lina:**

 Goro scoffed. "Okay. I don't know why I asked you and
not him."

**Coyote:**

 “What?” Mishka said, sitting up. “Y’think I’m wrong?”

**Lina:**

 "Yeah." Damn it. Why had he sat up? Goro didn't
try to pull him back down, just walked his fingers up Mishka's arm. "Let's
not talk about it."

**Coyote:**

 "Why not?"

**Lina:**

 "I said, let's not talk about it."

**Coyote:**

 Mishka itched. He wanted to explain: Hansel and I haven't
been together as long as you think. I've known him for ten years. We were
married for six months. Fifty years from now, it's not going to matter that I
had a head start.

But this seemed like the sort've thing that wouldn't mean
anything, coming from him. Hansel needed to say it, not Mishka.

Mishka knew he was right. He fucking wrecked Hansel, and
Hansel forgave him for that, but Hansel wouldn't forgive him for wrecking
somebody he loved.

He already knew what would happen. Hansel would look him
right in the eyes and tell him: Fucking run. Hansel would turn his back and
walk away. Hansel would never speak to him again. Never trust him again. And
then, likely, Hansel would drink himself to death.

"Alright," Mishka said. "We can drop it. I
think you underestimate how much he loves you, chaveri. But I know it's
meaningless, coming from me."

**Lina:**

 "Doesn't matter who it's coming from. Not your fault
you're wrong." Goro grinned at him, decided he was sick of Mishka being a
whole arm's length away, and dragged him back down for a kiss.

**Coyote:**

 Mishka shuddered, a wave of heat going through him again. He
felt like he was being teased, almost-- getting a kiss, then getting pushed
away, then getting a kiss, then getting pushed away.

"If you keep kissing me like that, eventually I'm gonna
snap," Mishka said harshly. He tried to make it sound like a joke, but his
voice came out surprisingly ragged.

**Lina:**

 Goro kissed his way along Mishka's jaw. "And do what?"

**Coyote:**

 “Oh, I’ve got a whole fucking list of ideas. Haven’t decided
which, though."

God. Had Goro gotten a blowjob yet? Maybe Mishka would get
to be the first.(edited)

**Lina:**

 "I feel like I'm entitled to see a copy of this list.
You have it written down?" Goro kissed Mishka's neck, hands running down
Mishka's back until he found the hem of his shirt. He tugged it up and slid his
fingertips along the soft skin of his waistline.

He should probably stop, though, and go get Hansel. Hansel,
have we talked enough? I guess we're boyfriends now. I'm ready to take his
clothes off. You can come watch.

**Coyote:**

 Mishka shivered. "Fuck no. Why would I show you the
whole list? You don't get to find out until I do them to you."

Or... actually, Goro was pretty inexperienced. Maybe Mishka
should describe them first, in lurid detail, so Goro had an opportunity to
object.

Kissing him like this and doing this again was a mistake.
Mishka wasn't sure he could pull back this time. "What d'you want me to do
to you? Any stray thoughts?"

**Lina:**

 "Mm. Yeah. Whew. Hang on a second." They
definitely needed to go get Hansel before that. Things were getting out of
hand. Goro kept his mouth against Mishka's as he sat them both up and shifted
himself off the couch, breaking apart only when it was physically impossible to
keep kissing and also backing away.

He went to the bedroom door and pushed it open. Hansel was
on his side, facing the far wall. At first Goro thought he might be sleeping,
but no--there was an unmistakable tension to the way he was holding himself. He
wasn't resting so much as he happened to be horizontal.

Goro felt his stomach drop, and he squeezed the door handle
helplessly for a moment. He knew some things had been said that were
uncomfortable, but he wasn't sure what exactly had pushed Hansel to this point.
Maybe it was just all of it combined. Goro sure as hell wasn't going to ask.

He climbed onto the bed and put his arm around Hansel, half
behind and half on top of him. He kissed the side of his face a few times. Then
he reached up and tugged his beard.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel started a bit at the initial contact. He'd been
intending to get up, any second now -- it'd been longer than the promised
minute -- but the second was dragging out. Seemed simpler to stay in here,
because he didn't know what they'd be talking about when he stepped outside,
and -- it was almost worse, somehow, if they weren't talking at all and had
made up, because that meant he'd been the thing dragging them down.

He was going to have to crush that particular feeling,
somehow -- the they'd be better off without me one -- but it was just what he
felt for each of them individually fucking multiplied. And if they tried to
coax it out of him, he would only feel like more of a burden. Had to earn his
keep. Stoic.

Kinda felt like shit, though.

He managed to grumble at the beard-tugging. That did improve
his mood, fuckin' inexplicably. He took Goro's hand and pulled it away, curling
it in his. "Jackass." It'd've been automatic to follow up with hey,
fuck off, but that might've come out wrong. He refocused, or tried to.
"How're you idiots doing out there?"

**Lina:**

 "We miss you. I miss you." He tipped himself over
Hansel's side, landing in front of him, and forced his way into Hansel's arms
to settle against his chest. "Uh oh, it's nice here. Maybe we should just
call Mishka in so I don't have to move."

**Izzy:**

 "Hmm." He studied Goro as best he could in the
dark. Seemed ... fine. He knew the moment of refreshed panic was goddamn
stupid, but he had it anyway. He wanted things to be fine. He wasn't going to
fuckin' make this about himself the way he had when Goro had needed to visit
Amari. He was going to keep his shit together.

Mishka had a tendency to plaster things over, though, make
them seem fine when they weren't. Hansel would have to check in on him, later.
Alone, maybe, to keep him honest. God, until then, though. It'd be fuckin' nice
to just have them both with him again, and pretend like he'd already made sure.

"All right," he said. "Call him, then. See if
he comes for you like he does me."

**Lina:**

 Goro stifled a laugh, then cleared his throat. "Hey,
Mishka! Get in here."

**Coyote:**

 Mishka sat up on the couch. Ah, the bedroom. Maybe that was
a better idea than the couch. He wandered into the room. "You're fucking
bossy, y'know that, half-elf?"

**Lina:**

 "Get on the bed." Goro pointed to the other side
of Hansel.

**Coyote:**

 Mishka arched his eyebrows, gave Goro an arrogant look, and
sat on the bed. "Alright." This was new. And weird.

Alright, though.(edited)

**Izzy:**

 Hansel snorted.

Yeah, all right. He liked this.

**Lina:**

 Hmm. Goro decided to test his luck, and give Hansel an order
too. "Put me in the middle, actually. I have two boyfriends, now, and I
want one on each side."

**Izzy:**

 "Nope." Hansel tightened his grip on Goro.

**Coyote:**

 Ah, now Goro was safely held down. "Anyway, Hansel,
Goro was just telling me what he'd like us to do to him. He said he had some
stray thoughts." Mishka cleaned his nails. "Y'gonna share, half-elf?"

**Lina:**

 "Ah. Hm. Yeah. Hey, would you guys be pissed if I told
you... uh." It had sounded good in his head, but... what if they did get
pissed.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel was tired, but he had a hard time imagining there was
something Goro could say at this point that would piss either of them off, and
the fact that Goro was even phrasing it that way was pretty fuckin' amusing.
"Nah."

**Coyote:**

 "If it's sex-related? I can't imagine how it'd piss me
off. Besides, now you have to tell us."

**Lina:**

 All the same, he'd imagined saying it while he had full
freedom of movement, so he could duck or run if they didn't react well. Now he
was fucking trapped in place. Which was kind of fucking hot, actually. Saying
shit that might piss them off when he couldn't get away.

"Well," he started again, "I was wondering
how you'd feel if I said I've been fantasizing about the two of you fucking. In
the privacy of my own room, while you're off doing your thing."

**Coyote:**

 Mishka stopped cleaning his nails. He looked at Hansel and
Hansel looked back at him. There was a long moment of silence, and Goro
swallowed hard.

"In the privacy of your own room, huh?" Mishka
said. He kept his voice mild.

January 22, 2019

**Izzy:**

 Mishka was going to tease him, which Hansel probably
would've found goddamn great to watch and listen to just about any other time
-- making Goro squirm over it -- but he didn't know if he had it in him right
now. Was pretty fuckin' sure he didn't, actually. Responses floated through his
head like Why your fuckin' room instead of mine? and If? So're you saying you
have or haven't? Gonna need details before I decide, and that'd be fun for a
second, but then he'd have to fucking follow through and do something about it.

Which he could -- make himself do, maybe, but --

Kind of seemed like Goro needed to be told this wasn't the
kind of thing that'd piss them off, anyway. He did actually seem nervous about
saying, which -- fuck, that was adorable, in a way. The tentativeness and then
the fact that he said it anyway.

"Hm. Fucking furious," Hansel said, matching
Mishka's mild tone, kissing Goro's forehead. He made himself sit up, pulling
Goro along, and shifting him to the other side so that he was between Hansel
and Mishka. Getting him next to Mishka again was the real point -- that, and
moving himself to the outside so it'd be easier to then move away.

Hansel leaned in, first, though, cupping Goro's cheek with a
hand and murmuring in his other ear while he watched Mishka over Goro's
shoulder. "See, we've both been thinking about fucking you while the other
one watched for a goddamn while now." Gotta let me watch next time, Mishka
had blurted out, on the beach -- first fucking thing. "Shoulda spoke up.
Maybe you woulda got what you wanted already, if you'd asked real nice."

And it briefly crossed his mind -- I could stay, I could --
but his gut said that was a bad idea, so he drew back instead, sliding his hand
down Goro's arm as he went, trying to make sure this didn't feel like a
rejection or a punishment. "Some other time, though," he said
quietly, and looked to Mishka again as he slipped off the bed. "You two
have fun."

**Lina:**

 "No, no, no, wait." Goro grabbed onto Hansel's
retreating hand, dragging himself up his arm like he was climbing a rope.
"Please. Don't go. Let's do something else."

He latched onto Hansel like he had earlier, almost, but this
time it wasn't a reassuring Just try and get rid of me; more of a frantic Don't
you dare fucking leave when this is so new, when I don't know what I'm doing,
I'm still kinda fucking scared.

"Don't," he said.

**Coyote:**

 God, Mishka wanted to. But— Hansel. And Goro was distressed,
now.

Mishka, I love you so goddamn much. But sometimes when you
touch me or I look at your fucking face all I can think about is what you
fucking did to me.

Sex always made Mishka feel better. It helped him work off
his anxiety and frustration, and afterwards he would lay in bed feeling calm,
safe, and quiet. He’d hoped some flirting and dirty talk would distract Hansel
and cheer him up— that used to work, sometimes, back on the Red Blade— but it
wasn’t working here.

It made his chest ache, seeing Hansel upset like this,
especially when Hansel had done such a good job tonight.

“What?” Mishka said. “Neshema. No.”

He got up off the bed. I’m sorry I did this to you. I’m
sorry I broke you. Come, let me make you feel better, please. But that would
only remind Hansel of his problems again, only make it worse. “You did so well
today. God, you’re so fucking strong, you know? Thank you. Come let us buy you
drinks. Let us pay attention to you.”(edited)

**Izzy:**

 Ah. Well ... fuck. Goro seemed pretty desperate for him to
stay, actually, and Mishka had that slight frown now, the one where he was
trying not to let on that he was concerned. Hansel looked between them. He
wanted to pull away and tell them to fuck off -- lightly, you know, but meaning
it -- but -- it didn't seem like that'd work. They'd probably just fucking
follow him, and even if he could pry Goro off, Mishka could goddamn teleport.
Bastards.

He scoffed. Easier to just give in. He kind of hated it, on
principle, but he kind of hated the idea of walking away, too, and it wasn't so
bad if it was just them, he guessed. "Yeah, all right." He shrugged
at Goro, not trying to dislodge him -- more acknowledging his presence,
reaffirming that he was still there.

**Coyote:**

 “Oh good.” There were some bars in town. There was a nice
one by the water that Mishka liked— the Overlook, it was called.

He’d been meaning to invite them both out for a drink for a
while. He’d just assumed Goro hadn’t wanted him before. He wasn’t even sure
Goro wanted him here now; maybe he would’ve preferred to be alone with Hansel.
It put a pit in Mishka’s gut. If he got them all drunk, though, he could forget
about it. Mishka waved for them to follow him. “Come on. I know a place.”

**Coyote:**

 [###]

The Overlook was a surprisingly nice tavern and inn. Big.
Homey. Warm. Bearskin rugs in the floor. A roaring fire in the fireplace. The
central room was an enormous two-story cabin; there were tables on the first
story where you could eat, then a bar on the second story where you could
drink.

The place was always packed, which made it an excellent
place to talk without being noticed or overheard. Mishka always liked it here.
He could sit and watch people without anyone paying attention to him.

Mishka shrugged off his cloak and stepped in.

Two years ago, the Overlook had been poor and run down.
Somehow the owners had come into some money and turned it around, though— under
very mysterious circumstances. Rumor had it that a smuggler had started using
the Overlook to smuggle goods between Skyport and Moorland, and the extra cash
had made the owners rich, giving them more money to put into their business.
The town was doing great.

Mishka was pretty peeved by this rumor. It was in fact true—
he’d started smuggling goods through the Overlook two years ago— but he didn’t
really appreciate people knowing about it. Oh well. He’d had to suspend
operations recently, anyway. He’d become too busy with the Graverunners.

“Come on,” Mishka said, folding his cloak over his arm.

**Izzy:**

 Yeah, this seemed like the sort of place Mishka would like.
More rustic than the Silverlit, but things could only get so fuckin' fancy out
here -- still, it was nicer than anywhere else in Glimmerton. Hansel had looked
right over it, gone to the little hole-in-the-wall dive when he wanted to get a
drink outside of the castle. Mishka was good like that. Expanded his horizons
and shit.

Felt better to get out, walk around. He'd just been
intending to slink off to the kitchen for more whiskey and maybe prowl around
the grounds for a bit to get some fresh air, but this was ... better. Yeah.
Better to stay with them than wander off by himself. He wasn't sold on the let
us pay attention to you shit, but he figured Mishka could buy him a drink.

Goro seemed to want to stay glued to Hansel's arm, which he
was ordinarily fine with -- he'd stayed there the night they'd killed Asenka
until Larkin had dragged him away, and that'd been fucking great. Kind of
worried him right now, was all, the way Goro'd clung to his arm and not wanted
him to leave. He'd said please. Genuinely.

So Hansel kept him close, as close as he wanted to be, and
he let Mishka lead them along, but stepped up to walk beside him and put an arm
around his waist.

He did kind of feel like a goddamn king with them on either
side of him, if he was being honest.

**Coyote:**

 Mishka scoffed and attempted to bat him away. "Hansel,
we can walk places without your arm around my waist, sometimes."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel ignored his protests and pulled him closer, lifting
him off his feet a bit for a step to kiss the top of his head.
"Disrespectfully disagreed, Captain."

**Coyote:**

 "There's two of us now. We outnumber you, you
know."

**Lina:**

 "Sorry, Mishka. You're on your own with this one. I'm
fuckin' cold." He tugged irritably at Hansel's arm, trying to drag it
around himself for maximum contact.

**Izzy:**

 "Aw." Hansel shifted to tuck Goro against his side
more securely.

**Coyote:**

 “Oh no. You misunderstand. If you keep him busy, that’s
still helping me,” Mishka said. Still, let Hansel hold in him place, moving
away only to steal a table near the back. It was well-placed: tucked away in a
corner with a good view of the whole room. "Hey, d'you wanna play that
game? Three questions?"

He had the vague plan that he'd ask them both the most
uncomfortable shit possible and force them to drink instead of answering.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel directed Goro into the corner, to sit between Mishka
and himself, and shrugged off his coat to drop it around Goro's shoulders
before he sat down.

He gave Mishka an amused look. Wondered if he should comment
on how things had gone fucking weird every time he'd played it with Goro, but
decided not to. "D'you know any other games, or just the one, motek?"

**Coyote:**

 “I know Dead Man’s Ante, Calish Rat Screw, Russkaya
Roulette, strip poker, and darts,” Mishka said, ticking off his fingers. “Take
your pick.”

**Lina:**

 "How do you even do it with three people?" Goro
said, thinking. Then thought a little more, and felt himself getting red.
"Uh, the three questions game, I mean."

**Coyote:**

 "Dunno," Mishka said. "Never done it with
three people. S'pose we'll have to experiment."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel snorted. "First off, you cheat at all of those
fuckin' games, so fuck off," he said, pointing at Mishka. "Anyway,
when you go with more than one person y'just take turns. Or whatever makes
sense as you go. Ain't fuckin' complicated."

**Coyote:**

 Mishka caught a passing waitress. "I need a bottle of
Glenwich scotch, thanks. The whole bottle, yeah. And a pitcher of water and
some glasses. Shotglasses, too. Oh, and d'you have some of those big soft
pretzels with that weird melted white cheese? God, I want some of that."

Mishka handed her some coins, and she vanished.

Mishka was going to stuff his fucking face. He was starting
to feel normal again.

**Lina:**

 "So, uh. Who's first? Not it." Goro had to see
what exactly the tone was going to be, first. Not make the mistake of bringing
out questions about traumatic childhoods when everybody else was planning on
asking about what people liked in the bedroom.

**Izzy:**

 "Not it."

**Coyote:**

 "You motherfuckers."

**Izzy:**

 "Was your fuckin' bright idea," Hansel reminded
him.

**Coyote:**

 Alright. What would Hansel and Goro not want to answer?
There were some obvious choices (horrifying unsettling shit) but Mishka wanted
to get them drunk, not traumatize them by bringing up their tragic pasts.

Mishka spoke in Orcish to Goro. “So how many times have you
jerked off to fantasizing about me and Hansel fucking?”

The waitress arrived with a bottle of scotch. She set it on
the table, along with the shot glasses.(edited)

**Lina:**

 "Beg pardon?" Goro said, in Common.

**Coyote:**

 "Ah, sorry." Mishka waved his hand. "I was
curious if you spoke Orcish. Amari bragged about you being quite a
linguist."

**Lina:**

 "Well, that sounds like two questions, if I'm not
mistaken." He barely managed to stop himself from blurting out, When the
fuck were you talking to Amari?

**Izzy:**

 "I only heard the one," Hansel said innocently.

**Lina:**

 "Hey." Goro scowled at him. "You're gonna
help him cheat?"

**Izzy:**

 "Who's cheating?" He gave Goro a slight grin.

**Coyote:**

 Huh. Mishka watched curiously, but didn't say anything. He'd
assumed Goro really didn't speak Orcish-- but then Goro's answer had seemed...
off... to him. That sounded like two questions, if I'm not mistaken. Avoiding
any kind of direct confirmation or denial.

He didn't say anything, though. Just gave him a weird
feeling. He poured himself a glass of water.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel nodded to Mishka and, in Orcish, said, "Wanna take
bets on how many times?"

**Lina:**

 Goro hissed through his teeth and dug his fingers into
Hansel's side.

**Coyote:**

 Mishka coughed on his water. He wiped his mouth. He couldn't
help but laugh. "You lying motherfucker," he said to Goro.
"Alright, so you do speak Orcish. Fuck me. I don't know why I assumed you
didn't."

**Lina:**

 "Don't know why you'd assume otherwise." Goro
poured himself a glass of water. "Uh, who even counts that? Four or
five?" He lost focused for a second, spilling a little on the table.
"Five."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel made an approving sound.

**Coyote:**

 "Fuck, I forgot to establish the rules. Are we doing
followup questions? I have followup questions."

**Lina:**

 "God, just fuckin' ask. Who cares."

**Coyote:**

 Mishka checked around, then switched to Elvish. Didn't want
to startle any unsuspecting patrons. "I don't have to press you if you
don't like it, chaveri. I'm just curious. Sounds fucking hot, honestly. I've
had similar thoughts." He didn't bother to hide the blatant interest in
his voice. He looked at Hansel over Goro's shoulder and sipped the water.
"D'you imagine us fucking without you, or do you imagine yourself in the
room?"

**Lina:**

 Goro's mouth twitched into a smile. "Both."

**Coyote:**

 Huh. Be fun to tie him to a chair, then turn it around so he
couldn’t watch, then fuck behind him. Piss him off. That might be too mean,
though.

"Alright. Well, asked and answered. One've you two
next. Maybe you could flip a coin on who goes."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel ruffled Goro's hair roughly. "Idiot," he
said fondly. "All right. I'll go. Why didn't you tell me this shit when I
asked? You really thought I'd be pissed?" Fuck, that was two questions. He
made up his own rule on the spot and poured himself a shot.

**Lina:**

 "Uh. Yeah, kinda. I mean..." He paused,
considering some of the terse-ass answers Hansel had given him while playing
this game. He didn't actually have to explain. Just took a drink of water
instead.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel pulled him in to kiss his temple. Seemed like
something he should apologize for, there. He guessed he'd just fuckin' do
better, or something. "All right, well, your go."

**Lina:**

 Goro eyed the scotch bottle. He kept thinking about how sick
he'd been last time he drank, but he hadn't forgotten how relaxed it had made
him, either.

Huh. Seemed backwards, wanting to drink over asking a
question, not answering one.

"You two gonna have a fucking wedding, or what?"
He wasn't sure which of them he was using up the question on. Maybe both, at
once.

**Coyote:**

 Mishka was quiet for a moment. He watched Hansel. "Mm.
It's not important to me. I mean, as far as I'm concerned, Hansel's my husband,
and that's that." He'd be equally happy with a wedding, though-- if Hansel
wanted one.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel shrugged. "Might be a good excuse to get people
together and get drunk." Raef and Griffin were supposed to be getting
hitched at some point. He missed that fucker. Be a reason to see him again.
"Hey. Counts as two questions 'cause you got two answers."

**Lina:**

 "I figured. 'S'fine."

**Izzy:**

 "Joking." Hansel scoffed and edged closer so he
could comfortably drop his arm around Goro's shoulders. Should've put himself
in the middle. He hadn't thought this through.

**Coyote:**

 Mishka glanced at them, amused, and scooted his chair back
so he could admire them. This was nice. He tipped took a drink from the bottle
of scotch, then set it down.

He thought about asking Hansel: If I ruined Goro's life or
fucked him over, would you leave me? Goro would get deeply uncomfortable,
though. He wouldn't appreciate Mishka asking for him, even if Mishka was right.
And Hansel wouldn't appreciate it, either.

"What made you fall in love with me and when did it
happen?" he asked Goro.

He asked it that way, specifically, so that Goro would have
to go into detail. That'd make the fucker uncomfortable. He kicked up his feet
on the opposite chair. He nudged the bottle of scotch towards Goro so he could
drink instead of answering.

**Lina:**

 "That's two questions, and at least one of them is
stupid."

**Coyote:**

 "Oh, good point. If you're going to chicken out and not
answer either of them, you ought to drink twice."

**Lina:**

 "I'm not a fucking chicken, I just think it's stupid.
It's not like, something fucking tangible that makes people fall in love. Just
fucking happens, because of who they are. Stupid."

**Coyote:**

 Mishka scoffed. He decided to push his luck and see where he
got. "Alright. And who am I?" Then he decided he didn't want to hear
the answer. He took the bottle of scotch and pour himself a shot instead.

**Lina:**

 "Mikhail fuckin' Haeth."

**Izzy:**

 "That's a lot more than one question," Hansel
commented, drinking.

**Coyote:**

 "I know, and he keeps dodging every time. It's shameful
how he cheats." Mishka waved his hand dismissively and took the shot. It
gave him a tight, painful feeling in his chest, but he supposed he'd just have
to get over it. He tried to think of a different question. Or maybe it was
someone else's turn, now.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel looked down at his glass for a moment. He wasn't
drunk enough for this, but maybe they wouldn't notice. Well, fuckin' Mishka
probably would. Maybe Goro wouldn't.

"All right," he said, "fuck both of you.
You." He pointed to Mishka with the arm around Goro's shoulders. "I
fell in love with you when I fuckin' looked up in that shitty pirate bar and I
saw you looking back at me all goddamn haughty and beautiful, fuckin' Captain
Mishka Haeth thinking he wanted my dumb ass on his crew. And when you let me
teach you how to use that excessive fucking jeweled rapier, and then you saved
my fuckin' life from Jonesy with it. And the first time you called me Hans.

"And you." He jabbed the same finger into Goro's
shoulder. "Fuckin' ... walking out of a troll-infested cave 'cause you
were the only one of us with any goddamn sense. And helping me save my kid when
you probably didn't even know his fuckin' name. And when you used that stupid
goddamn spell on me, in the drider cave.

"And for that goddamn matter," he went on,
"you probably fuckin' fell in love with Mishka because he's goddamn crafty
and smart and careful and a fuckin' puzzle to figure out, and lemme fuckin'
tell you, jackass, when you start figuring out the puzzle, it only gets
better." He stopped. Yep. He needed to be more drunk for this level of
emotion. He grabbed the bottle and took a long swig. "So fuckin' ...
there, all right, now no one has to answer. I did it for you. Eldath. Goddamn
idiots."

**Lina:**

 "I'll drink to that." Goro took the bottle from
him and pretended to take a quick swig, but none of it actually made it past
his lips. It was the thought that counted.

**Coyote:**

 Yeah, that just made Mishka feel worse. It meant that
something had shown on his face, some kind’ve hurt or need—the kind he was
trying real fucking hard to repress—and Hansel had picked up on it.

And he felt bad, because he knew Hansel was trying to fix
it—and Mishka was going to disappoint him, because… that didn’t fix it, hard as
Hansel was trying.

“I know, neshema,” Mishka said. “Thank you.” He scooted his
chair back and let them keep playing. Someone else would go next, and he'd be
quiet.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel scowled. Goddammit. He shoved himself up and rounded
the table to sit next to Mishka, dragging his chair back in closer, and pushing
it closer to Goro's, as well. He propped his chin on Mishka's shoulder, and
reached past him to grab Goro's sleeve -- well, his own fuckin' sleeve, because
it was his coat, but it was on Goro -- and pulled him up against Mishka's other
side, hoping he'd get the message.

"Hey," he said quietly, close to Mishka's ear.
"Y'know we outnumber you now, right." He leaned around to order,
"Goro. Pet his hair and tell him he's pretty."

**Lina:**

 "Mm, very pretty." Goro snuggled against Mishka
and nuzzled the side of his face, reaching up to pet his hair. "The
prettiest."

January 23, 2019

**Coyote:**

 Yeah. Same fucking feeling as before, wasn’t getting better.
He doesn’t want me here, mixed with: this isn’t going to change and I’m never
going to get what I need. If I deaden myself, I can make myself stop needing
it.

He kept deluding himself into thinking if he made it
clearer, if he asked a different way, if he pushed the issue correctly, if he
came at it from a new angle, if he prompted Goro enough times, eventually Goro
would say: Yes, I want both of you here. These are the things I love about you
and this is how I love you. Instead, every single time, it was shot down in a
new way.

It was the exact same feeling he’d gotten before. He kept
thinking that if he reassured Goro enough, eventually Goro would reassure him
back. But it just never fucking happened.

He’d go visit Erasmus tomorrow and feel better.

“Hans, stop. I know y’mean well, but that’s not going to
make me feel better,” Mishka said. “Continue on with y’game, alright? I'm sorry.”
He gently extracted himself. The waitress set the pretzels and cheese on the
table, and Mishka grabbed it and stuffed one in his mouth. He closed his eyes
in pleasure. Soft, salty bread thickly coated in hot cheese.(edited)

**Izzy:**

 Hansel pulled away. Right. Because he gave a shit about the
game, now. He was here for a goddamn game, and not because his husband had
coaxed him out to spend time with him, and then backed off.

He propped up on the table and stared out across the room,
jaw set. He didn't want to argue and he didn't have the goddamn energy to,
anyway. Should've just stayed at the fucking castle. Insisted on them keeping
the bedroom, and gone down to the kitchen to get drunk on his own.

Goro, though. Getting all freaked out and grabbing his arm
when he tried to leave. The silent treatment shit wasn't fair to him.

Mishka had said, I'm not you. I kept telling myself I could
be, but I'm not. Hansel had wanted to say, No one wants you to be me, my love,
no one, because he hadn't fucking got what Mishka meant -- he'd thought Mishka
meant that he was trying to be like Hansel because Goro loved Hansel, and
Mishka was starving for Goro to love him, too. But that wasn't the thing.
Mishka meant that Hansel would suffer, quietly, and keep forgiving, and trying,
and keep coming back no matter how badly he was hurt.

Hansel fucking hated that about himself. That he was so
needy and desperate for attention that he'd take it no matter what it came
with. Let us pay attention to you, Mishka'd wheedled, and he'd fucking fallen
for it.

He rubbed at his face. He was so goddamn tired.

"All right," he said after a moment, standing up
again. "Goro. We need to talk. C'mon. Outside." He pointed to Mishka.
"You fuckin' stay right there."

**Coyote:**

 “Ah—“ Fuck. He’d made Hansel unhappy. He should’ve just...

Something. He should’ve done something differently. He came
out here to cheer Hansel up, not lay more work on him. “Hans, don’t—“ That
wasn’t going to work. “I didn’t... I’m sorry. Ah, fine. I’m sorry.”

He started pulling one of the pretzels apart, looking away.

**Lina:**

 Damn it. Somehow, things had gone to shit again. Goro was
tempted to just grab Mishka and hold him close anyway, but Mishka got touchy
about that kind of thing. Why can't you just love me, and let me love you? he
wanted to ask, again. Obviously, there was something in the way, and Goro had
to try and figure out what it was.

Seemed like Mishka wanted words, and analysis. What made you
fall in love with me and when did it happen? Fucking frustrating. Goro kept
feeling like he was getting tested, and he hadn't been given a damn book to
study or anything. Maybe Hansel had a copy. He'd passed the test, apparently.

Goro crossed his arms and got up to follow Hansel.

**Izzy:**

 When they got outside, he pulled Goro in to hug him, first,
to reassure him, because being told you had to talk to someone was never
fucking pleasant. And he wasn't trying to tell Goro off, or something. He
kissed the top of his head before he pulled back. It's okay. It's okay. Don't
be scared.

Hansel didn't have too fucking much more of that in him, was
all.

"Listen," he said quietly. He kept hold of Goro's
hands, keeping them warm in his own. "I need you to fuckin' help me out,
here. I know Mishka's hard to fuckin' read -- I mean, shit, I can't even do it
all the time -- but Goro, he really fucking needs you to ..." Hansel
searched for the words, frustrated. "He still thinks you don't want him.
He needs you to tell him that you do. I wanted, y'know, you two to fuckin'
spend some time together without me, so he'd really fucking believe you wanted
to, but --."

But I don't want to be apart from either of you, and I'm
weak, and stupid, and selfish and greedy and needful. Not helping.

"But, look, if he has to keep asking you shit like what
do you love about me, then he's not gonna believe it, and he's gonna feel like
shit for begging." Hansel was well fucking aware how wretched it felt to
beg for someone's love. If you ever got it at all, it'd never feel real, and
you'd always feel fucking inferior.

"I can't fucking do this," he said. "I keep
-- goddamn trying, but it's gotta come from you. And I mean --." He let go
of Goro's hand for a beat, just to rub his eyes, then took it again. "Not
right this fucking second, give him a bit. But tell him you love him. Make him
believe it. You have to -- make him. Be fucking insistent." Like I do for
you, he thought about saying, but he didn't fucking want either of them to do
shit like he did it. Or do it for me, but that was the wrong fucking reason.
"Can you do that?"

He was used to adding things like it's okay if you can't,
it's okay, I still love you, I'll figure it out, I'll make it work, I'll fix
this, I'll do it, it's okay -- but he couldn't. He was fucking out. He was
tired, and he felt goddamn useless and pathetic for needing help at all.

**Lina:**

 Goro ground his teeth together, thinking.

But--

But.

I'm scared he won't believe me.

What if nothing I ever do is enough for him?

I'm not sure he even really likes me. He wants me to be
something I'm not.

Hansel, though, was so fucking weary of this already. He
stooped like he couldn't physically hold the weight. Goro couldn't go asking
him for reassurance and comfort now. He'd already dragged so much out of him.

Fine, but tell me when the hell I'm supposed to start, if
right now's not good. Nah. That kind of shit was Goro's wheelhouse. He was used
to making people believe he was sincere--it's just, now, he was in the funny
position of actually being sincere, and not fucking knowing how to get it
across. He'd figure it out.

"Okay." He squeezed Hansel's hands. "I'll do
it."

**Izzy:**

 "Okay." He sighed. "Thank you. I need -- some
air." Couldn't say I'm fucked up too, I'm trying to have a good time but
I'm so goddamn tired, I need you both to hold onto me. Wasn't convenient right
now for him to be broken. "I'll be in in a bit. Don't fuckin' let Mishka
try to come after me or anything."

**Lina:**

 Ah, shit. Fine, Goro could leave him out here, even if he
hated to.

"Alright. Sure. Real quick, though. C'mere." He
beckoned with his fingers for Hansel to lean down. "I got a spell that'll
make you feel better. Here." He didn't wait for a response, just grabbed
him and kissed him on the cheek. "That's it. Works wonders. Alright,
bye." He grinned and darted back inside.

**Lina:**

 Mishka was still sitting there, looking mighty depressed.
He'd made those pretzels vanish, though, which--huh, Goro would have to commit
that to memory. A food Mishka would actually eat and not just tear apart.

Goro took his seat again. Wasn't exactly going to be a
mystery, what he and Hansel had talked about. He couldn't act too different,
now; Mishka would be suspicious of every nice thing Goro said and did.

So, something entirely different. A distraction. A shared
goal.

"Well, now he's just sitting out there being sad,"
Goro said. "You think we should try and cheer him up, or?"

**Coyote:**

 Ha. That made Mishka feel better, oddly. “Oh, fuck, I’d love
to,” Mishka said, kicking his feet up again. “No clue how, though. I think we
fucked up.”

**Lina:**

 "That's my middle name. Goro Fuck-Up Flatflower."

**Coyote:**

 “Unsurprising, frankly. My full name is Local Disaster
Mikhail Haeth,” Mishka said. “My mother was a prophet, let me tell you. Hey—
what is your original last name? D’you have one?”

**Lina:**

 He shrugged. "I've always just been Goro."

**Coyote:**

 “Huh. Well, anyway.” Mishka mused over it. “I just feel so
fuckin’ bad. He’s always carrying so much, y’know. He was like that on the ship
too... not originally, but towards the end.”

He took a drink of the scotch. “Y’know, the problem with
Hansel is that you can’t just fucking comfort him, because then he gets
suspicious about it. You’ve got to, like, hide it and distract him. We ought to
leave him alone a bit. Then... I mean... cuddle with him and get him drunk.
That always helps.”

**Lina:**

 Goro nodded eagerly. "Yeah. Yeah. I've been fucking
noticing that. He freaks the fuck out when I try to make him feel better. I got
an idea, though. Because the thing I'm figuring out about Hansel is, he always
wants to be around people, right? But he's afraid of fucking things up, so he
kind of needs an excuse. I get it, I'm the same way, kind of. Hansel needs to
be needed. But like you said, he goes and takes on so much of other people's
problems, he gets really burdened by them, and he breaks down and needs to back
off. Still wants to be with us, though. Still looking for an excuse. So here's
what we do.

"We give him a little while, yeah. Then we go out there
and we're like, hey Hans, get back in here, we need you to settle an argument
for us. And he'll have this moment of being like, ah fuck, not again. But
then--here's the key--we tell him what the argument is, and it's something so
fucking stupid, like... hey, is it called a sea cucumber, or a sea zucchini, we
can't decide. You feel me? Something so fucking stupid, he can't resist. We're
both such fucking idiots he'll just have to sigh and come over to rescue us
from ourselves. But he'll know we're not arguing about anything important, just
making small talk like a couple of dicks. We need him, but not the needy kind
of need, you know? He's safe to just come in and sit and have a drink, and
listen to us shoot the breeze. I bet that's what he wants right now."

**Coyote:**

 “Huh. I like that. That’s good. No clue if it’ll work,
though.” He drummed his fingers on the table. “Maybe no more of that game,
though. Too heavy, I think. But we can think of other things to do.”

Then he added, “No scamming people and no murder. I like
this bar.”

**Lina:**

 "What, you think I just murder people for shits and
grins? I need a reason."

**Coyote:**

 Mishka propped his face on the table and smiled helplessly.
“Cheering up Hansel isn’t a reason?”

**Lina:**

 "I mean, if Hansel really wanted me to murder that guy
over there, I guess I'd do it." Goro gestured to a random man at a nearby
table, who glanced up, looking troubled. "Uh, I'm not serious," Goro
called to him.

**Coyote:**

 “Aww,” Mishka said, amused. “That’s fucking adorable.” He
caught a waitress passing by. “More pretzels, please. Thanks.”

**Lina:**

 Goro smiled. "I learned something special about Mikhail
Haeth tonight."

**Coyote:**

 “You did? Look— just because there’s rumors a smuggler is
using this tavern as a front to smuggle high-priced goods out‘ve Skyport
without paying import taxes doesn’t mean it’s me.”

**Lina:**

 Goro snorted, covered his face, and leaned his elbows on the
table. "I meant that you love pretzels. But thank you for that
tidbit."

**Coyote:**

 “Oh, I’m just fucking hungry. I mean. True. I do fucking
love pretzels. Hey— I forgot to tell you,” Mishka said. “I don’t know what the
fuck you said to Prince Rina, but she did end up nominating me for Spymaster.
Now the Council just has to vote. If I get majority, I’m in. Fred’s gonna vote
no, but if I can get the Minister of Coin, the Lawmaster, and the Warmaster on my
side, I’m on the Council. I’m blackmailing the Minister of Coin. Not sure about
the Lawmaster, but maybe I can talk her into it.”

**Lina:**

 When the waitress set down the plate of fresh pretzels, Goro
snatched one up before Mishka could inhale them all. "Ah. Yeah. I told her
you were a crafty motherfucker, the piece she was missing to make all her plans
for Skyport really come to fruition. Not sure I made a good impression on the
Warmaster, though. And I don't know shit about the Lawmaster, so I can't help you
there."

**Coyote:**

 Mishka waved his hand. "Yeah, shit got uncomfortable
with the Warmaster. I probably should've explained what was going on there. The
man was infatuated with me, and I sort've... leaned into it. Pretended I found
him big and strong and interesting. Pretended to be emotionally closed off and
then pretended he was slowly winning me over and getting my guard down with his
patient, steady affection. That shit. Men like to feel like they've won, y'know
how it is. Anyway, your description of me-- being a crafty motherfucker-- shook
him a bit. I suppose you were a bit too convincing. He wasn't pleased I was
fucking with him."

Mishka pushed the pretzels towards him. They were for Goro
and Hansel anyway.

"I suppose that's the dangers of fucking with
people," Mishka mused. "Occasionally they figure it out and it burns
a bridge. Ah, well. We probably should've sat down and gotten on the same page
before we went forward. Then again, it's not like we had an opportunity to. We
didn't exactly expect you to get bodysnatched by a hivemind and granted an
impromptu audience with the young Prince."(edited)

**Lina:**

 "Sure didn't. Uh." Goro rubbed the back of his
neck. "Hey, uh. We should go check on Hansel. It's probably been long
enough."

**Coyote:**

 "Ah. Chaveri, I understand the urge. He needs time to
himself, though. He'll come back when he's ready to be here." Mishka
pulled back. "Or you can go alone, if you like. I don't think he'd mind
you checking on him. Maybe he'd like it if you sat quietly in the cold with
him. He's probably looking out at the water. Might be nice."(edited)

**Lina:**

 "Did you not hear a word I said earlier? We need to
give him an excuse to be here. Come on." Goro stood up and motioned for
Mishka to follow. "You wanna be sea cucumber, or sea zucchini? No, wait, I
call sea cucumber. I don't want Hansel thinking I'm any more of an idiot than
he already does. Let's go."

**Coyote:**

 "Hey, hey. We can still do the plan. It's a great plan.
It's just, y'know--" I'm just gonna fucking disappoint him because I can't
be happy when he needs me to be.

"You can tell him," he said. "After you've
sat with him a bit... y'know what, fuck it. You're too fucking bossy to argue
with, half-elf. Let's go." Mishka pulled on his cloak-- the thick,
liquid-soft magic cloak Goro had gotten him for Candlenights-- and followed him
out.

**Lina:**

 "Glad you're catching on to that early." They
walked outside, and Goro scanned the area until he spotted the dark
Hansel-shaped figure sitting on the river bank. They approached him. "Hey,
Hansel. We need your help. You gotta come settle an argument for us."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel looked up blankly from the beached fishing boat he'd
parked himself on. Great. Sure. "What?"

**Coyote:**

 "Hans-- beloved-- light of my life--" Mishka
stumbled over a rock and tripped. He caught himself on Hansel's arm, then
patted it. "Ah, you're so steady. Goro, how much scotch did I have? No,
don't answer that. Hansel, I've had a lot of scotch. A lot of scotch. But.
There's these things, y'know, they're like, a foot long, sometimes longer... in
the ocean, y'know... y'know what I'm talking about?"

He looked at Goro for assistance.

**Lina:**

 "Sea cucumbers," Goro said. "But this
smartass here thinks they're called sea zucchinis. Tell him he's nuts."

**Coyote:**

 "No, no. Sea dogs," Mishka said. "They have a
lot of different names. Or sea zuchinnis, sure. Listen, you motherfucker, I
know It's a food, it's just not fucking cucumbers. Hans-- Hans, listen to me.
Listen. Remember that time we explored the Shrieking Isles? Remember? And we
found those, those things, you know, the big fat... like... long things... god,
I can't describe them. And we ate them. Those. What were those?"

**Izzy:**

 Hansel looked between them for a moment. "Sea
dogs," he said flatly. God, this was some transparent shit. He'd pretend
like it wasn't, though. He pulled Mishka down onto his lap. "I love you so
much. You're so fucking stupid. You know they're fuckin' called sea
potatoes."

**Coyote:**

 "Alright," Mishka said, wrapping his arms around
Hansel's neck. "As va duri, as va dan. As you say, as it is. As always, my
love." And he kissed Hansel's nose.

**Lina:**

 Goro was quiet a minute. He kicked a rock into the
water."Pff. Sea potatoes."

**Coyote:**

 Mishka reached up, grasping at the air. He eventually
managed to grab Goro and make an attempt to drag him down. "You. You come
down here too. This is where we are, now."

**Lina:**

 Goro lost his balance and gave in, landing next to them on
his knees. "But it's cold out here, and there's no booze."

**Izzy:**

 "You don't drink anyway, jackass."

**Coyote:**

 "Mm. He is right, though," Mishka said. He
attempted to drag Goro closer, which didn't quite work, since Mishka was in
Hansel's lap. "Let us warm you up. We outnumber you now."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel helped, pulling Goro up and over next to him on the
fishing boat and wrapping an arm around him.

**Lina:**

 "But the booze," Goro insisted. "I know I
don't drink, but the two of you."

**Coyote:**

 "That's true. Hansel, you need more to drink. No. No,
hang on. I need more to drink."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel snorted. "No the fuck you don't. I'm not holding
your fuckin' hair back while you throw up later."

**Coyote:**

 "Then maybe you shouldn't have taken my braid out, you
fool." Mishka crawled out of the heap and ran his fingers through his
hair. He attempted to braid it, then dragged his hair in front of his face,
squinted at it, then dropped it and gave up. Eh. Whatever.(edited)

**Izzy:**

 "All right. C'mere." Hansel resituated Mishka,
finger-combed his hair loosely, then started re-braiding it for him. He shook
his head.

**Coyote:**

 Mishka made a contented humming noise. He leaned into
Hansel, closing his eyes, and let Hansel braid his hair.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel finished up and bit the length of twine he'd wrapped
around his wrist off of it, to tie around the end of the braid instead. Used to
keep spare strings and ribbons around his wrists for Mishka all the time --
well, and for Elitash, too, and Serena, and Jonn for that matter. He'd fallen
out of the habit, though. Wasn't actually sure when he'd picked it back up.
Just reached for it automatically and there it was.

"All right," he said again, and kissed the top of
Mishka's head. "Let's go in. Captain's right. I gotta get much more
fuckin' drunk." He stood, pulling Mishka along and keeping holding of him
so he wouldn't fall over, and reaching back down to drag Goro up, as well, and
lead them back to the Overlook. "Bet you fuckers walked out without paying
up, anyway. Goddamn criminals."

**Lina:**

 "Being graced with our presence was their
payment," Goro said.

**Izzy:**

 "Great as it is, your radiant fuckin' presences don't
pay the fuckin' bills." Hansel tucked them both against his sides again.
Maybe they'd all fucking stay like that, this time. He was sitting in the
corner when they got back to the table, anyway. He'd already decided.

[END]

Title: Second Talk. Summary: Goro tells Hansel about
freaking out Luci. Then Hansel helps referee a long conversation between Goro
and Mishka about the past, future, and current state of their relationship.