Hetzertopia

***"There was cheering and streamers in the air, I asked a passing Hetzer what was going on and he said to me 'The polling places are open!'"*** Garret Garretsson, shortly before he was admitted to the Saint Schwimm's National Hospital for Schwimmwagen related injuries.

Hetzertopia is a mostly peaceful nation obsessed with freedom, political or otherwise. Elections are an event and some major elections are considered holidays. More authoritarian-minded people have called it "barely contained anarchy," and normally, they'd be right. The only reason Hetzertopia hasn't devolved to such a state is that Hetzers are absurdly polite. This policy of being polite has lead to some unforeseen consequences.. Police officials often ask before they detain a suspect and refuse to search without written permission. This, combined with lax laws on almost everything that isn't business, has lead to Hetzertopia being used as an unwitting hub for smuggling.

## Government

Hetzertopia's government is a democratic republic. It is also disgustingly large and inefficient. Decisions at the national level are made by representatives elected at the local level. This may not seem that bad at first, but when every government department requires representatives from every state, things get a bit cluttered. It is estimated that as much of 2% of the population lists "Representative" as their occupation. The terms for these representatives vary, but tend to lean towards 2-6 years. The sole exception to this being the position of "Poobah," which is a position held for life. The current poobah is Delilah Hetzerton, a seemingly immortal hetzer.

Hetzertopia is divided into a number of self-governing regions. Each state is left to run its own affairs, as long as their decisions don't go against national laws. Actual conflict between national and state laws are rare, and usually result from the most inconsequential of issues, the most notable example being the 5 year debate over mandatory school uniforms. The "Uniform Schism," as it is sometimes known, is also the closest Hetzertopia came to civil war, with many Hetzers refusing to say sorry to rudeness committed against the other side.

## Population

Hetzers make up the vast majority of the population, however, due to lax immigration laws, there are a number of minorities with some former citizens from almost every nation in Supreme Death Hell. The largest minorities being Helicopters and Spaghetti men, a fact that some historians claim was the primary motivation for Hetzertopia's involvement in the First Great War for Satan's Asshole. Other ethnicity are present in smaller number. Historically, the two most problematic minorities are citizens from United Skeletons and Evil Wizard Satanists. The former due to political pressures from before the First Great War that lead to the nation refusing all skeletal immigrants, and the latter due to consistent failures to pass even Hetzertopia's lax citizenship tests, the most common cause of rejection being a failure to stop screaming "FUCK OFF" during the test. The official term for it is "excessive rudeness."

## Economy

Hetzertopia's economy is surprisingly robust, considering half of it is made up of maintaining their own massive government. The Hetzertopian Government seems to have a near pathological fear of unregulated business. This tendency drove their economy to near ruin, but fortunately, things took a turn for the better when certain allies pointed out that they need to allow businesses to do *something.* Due to the strict business and tax laws, there are no non-Hetzer owned business that have their headquarters located in Hetzertopia.

Hetzertopia's primary exports are their books, famous through out the region for reasons that depend upon who you ask, and Information technology. Major Imports include raw materials, mineral, timber, and furniture. Despite the many lush forests, almost all of Hetzertopia's lumber is imported. This is due to two major factors, the numerous regulations on woodcutting, and the fact that such actions attract falling Schwimmwagens.

## History

Though vague and scattered, records exist of Hetzertopia's history before coming to Supreme Death Hell. It spoke of a great war that had engulfed the world they originally came from. Records are vague on what side the Hetzers were on. Despite this, the records are clear on what happened at the end. Before his death, the leading general of the losing side, a known war criminal, cursed the Hetzers to be sent to hell with his terrible war crime powers. This general is referred to as "Rummal," which means "Desert Satan" in the old Hetzer tongue.

The curse was even stronger then the Desert Satan intended, as it sent them not to hell, as was intended, but to Supreme Death Hell. Following their exile, the hetzers struggled to build a new nation built on the concept of being polite to each other, eventually leading to the nation it is today.

## Religion

Poobahism is the dominant religion of Hetzertopia. Poobahism is a monotheistic religion where they believe there is a Great Poobah residing in the sky. What this Grand Poobah actually does differs depending on who you asks, but they know he does important things. The leader of Hetzertopia is referred to as the Poobah, a hold over from when it was believed that the Grand Poobah took part in the election so he must have been the deciding vote. This belief is only held by Orthodox Poobahians these days, as most recognize that though the Grand Poobah is mighty, it is still one vote per hetzer.

The major tenants of Poobahism mirror most of the values found in modern Hetzer society, namely being polite. One notable aspect is an uncharacteristically blunt condemnation of "war criminals," the chief among them being Rummal. The translation of Rummal's name "Desert Satan" has lead to some poobahians condemning the Evil Wizard Satanists as it appears to them that the Satanists are worshiping Rummal. "War criminal" is one of the gravest insults and accusations that can be leveraged against someone in Hetzertopia. What classifies as a war criminal is unclear, but those who meet the esoteric criteria are universally shunned.