B006 Children of the Cornball

Poster for this Live Show and Camp Crystal Light

> "*I think the real winner here is going to be our lawyers again.*"
> ― DM Matt
>
>

**Children of the Cornball** is the sixth bonus episode released to financial backers of Queens of Adventure. It is the third live show recorded at Oasis in San Francisco with the House Aubergine cast, and the second of those shows released as a bonus episode.

## Synopsis

*This live show was re-released as episodes twenty-one and twenty-two of Queens of Adventure: Legends. For full information see those pages. This page remains for archiving the Bonus Episode release.*

 At the annual summertime Cornball Competition, a friendly contest between drag houses, the team from House Aubergine perform a lip synch.

A bugbear in a tuxedo addresses the crowd as they finish, and explains Team Aubergine is one of the three houses in the final. He asks them to show off their signature moves.

Pollo del Mar explains the symbolism of the circles and wigs she is adorned with. Erika Klash discusses her skills at the bathhouse, while KaiKai Bee Michaels says she will demonstrate her skills at a sex party later. KaiKai then demonstrates her *mage hand* for the crowd. Kitty Powers explains her job is to inspire love, and then reads a poem about Erika. This inspires a judge to award a bonus point to Aubergine.

The bugbear explains the finals are between House Aubergine, House Bumblicious, and House Effluvia. Five challenges remain before the final lip synch. House Aubergine goes backstage.

Melba von Toast, who is acting as their dresser, approaches. The queens dip into draglish to express their feelings. Melba brings a mole out from her pocket, the one the group freed from a witch at Camp Crystal Light. The team named her D'Arcy.

The team from House Effluvia pushes past them. The two teams exchange reads and banter. House Bumblicious performs on stage and gains two points as the emcee hurries Team Aubergine on stage.

An aged gnome, holding a dog-eared book. He announces it is time for the reading challenge. Round one: Read each other. After the reads, they earned 4 points. For Round two, Team Effluvia comes out. Aubergine gets to read Effuvia. They earn 3 more points.

Round three gives Team Effluvia a chance to read the party. As they read, darkness flitters across each rival queen's eyes, and psychic damage gets dealt to Team Aubergine. Kitty tries to cast *vicious mockery* on them to retaliate, but the gnome, unaware of the interference, stops her. He awards 20 points to House Effluvia.

Score check: House Aubergine - 9 points. House Effluvia - 20 points. House Bumblicious - 2 points

Backstage, Pollo asks Kitty to play her instrument to cast *mantle of inspiration,* adding extra health to the party as Melba checks in on them. The judges applaud Kitty as Melba moves them to the next challenge.

It's time for the Catwalk Challenge. All four queens have one minute to create a look from a box of items before walking the catwalk, one at a time. KaiKai grabs an audience member to paddle, while Kitty leads the Dice Boy on a leash. The audience gains a point, and House Aubergine gains 10 points.

A spell of darkness spreads across the tent. Some mannequins and wigs around the tent spring to life. The crowd and judges are confused. The mannequeens rush House Aubergine. Kitty, ready for something sinister to happen, pulls out her pink flute and toots it, to inspire her teammates before hiding behind Pollo. Erika fires her longbow. A mannequeen fires a hairspray attack, sticking KaiKai and Kitty to the floor, and Kitty's arms are pinned to her sides. The wig follows up with an attack at Kitty.

Up in the stands, Team Effluvia are the only ones not fleeing. Instead they are cackling.

KaiKai, stuck to the floor, uses a *color spray* from between her legs, blinding a mannequeen. Pollo, nearby, goes into a barbarian rage and pile drivers the blightwig.

The crowd evacuated, the judges rush in to help and slash through the remaining monsters. They announce the show will continue, but only after a brief intermission.

Score Check: One point separates House Aubergine and House Effluvia

The emcee gets things back on track. He announces the surprise challenge: Surprise LipSyncs. Each queen must lip synch to a song with no forewarning. House Effluvia continues to laugh. The judges are perplexed by the song choices, but award House Aubergine five points. They also award five points to audience member Madeline, who knew all the words to "I'm Not Getting Married Today".

The judges determine the lipsynchs were tampered with, and disqualify House Effluvia. Their team's tiefling steps forward, declaring no one will win the Cornball if they cant. Shade pulls all the drag paraphernalia together into monstrous humanoid forms. One of them towers over House Aubergine's team and they are in battle again.

Erika uses *distracting strike* with her longbow. The monster explodes with wigs and other drag ephemera. KaiKai casts *firebolt*, despite Pollo's protest against lighting the thing she is going to wrestle on fire. The drag golem is particularly susceptible to fire, but lumbers forward, and slashes against Pollo, pushing her into a barbarian rage again. She remembers she has weapons, and uses her great axe.

Melba runs through the fray, saying she has an idea and to keep holding it off.

The monster reaches towards Kitty, trying to engulf her in dark shade, but she evades as she inspires Pollo with a poem about her. The fire reaches the stage, hurting everyone. But Melba has queued up a song, and asks all queens to join together so the lip synch can dispell the shade. All the inspiration the queens had gathered draws all the drag houses together. Their performance causes the monster to burst, covering everyone with drag.

A deep voice booms "Fools, you've failed me!" and drags Team Effluvia into the darkness.

The wizard judge declares House Bumblicious, congenial queens. Then he turns to House Aubergine and declares them the winners of the Cornball. The crowd cheers. Melba hoists the mole aloft.

The queens stand triumphant on top of the pile of drag paraphernalia.

## Characters

#### Party

* Erika Klash - half-orc fighter
* KaiKai Bee Michaels - high elf wizard
* Kitty Powers - half-elf bard
* Pollo del Mar - goliath barbarian

#### NPcs

* Bugbear emcee (debut)
* Wizard Judge in a rainbow sash (debut)
* Melba von Toast
* Team House Effluvia (debut)
	+ Claire DeRunway - tiefling in ill-fitting red dress
	+ Jenna Sais-Quoi - elf in evening gown with Russian accent
	+ Holly Mackerel - Half-orc with peg leg and pirate hat
	+ Busty Stringcheese - Blonde Dwarf in cow costume
* Team House Bumblicious (debut)
* Reading Challenge Gnome (debut)
* Mysterious Voice

#### Monsters/Enemies

* Mannequeens
* Drag Golem

#### Live Show Roles

* DM Matt
* Dice Boy Andrew
* Portia Gaysa - Door Duty
* Audience volunteer - Scorekeeper
* Audience Member Madeline - LipSynch expert

## Episode  Notes

### Lore

* A Shady Force corrupted a group of queens from House Effluvia.

### Inspiration Earned

* Pollo - for her opening introduction
* Erika - for her opening and use of her prop bow
* Kitty - for her poem
* KaiKai - for pointing out a crooked lash on a rival
* KaiKai - self-confident cum-dumpster awareness
* Pollo - continued reference to Heklina and her show Mother
* Pollo - for shading Sister Roma
* Kitty - for tooting on her flute
* Pollo - "I dont be-weave it"
* Audience - For an inaudible comment
* Audience - For their screaming on cue

### Memorable Quotes

* "Each circle on my head represents a generation of my family that has been in House Aubergine. And each of my shoulder pads is a lace front snatched from an unfortunate queen in battle." - Pollo del Mar
* "I have night vision, which means I can feel my way through the bathhouse. I also have endless endurance, which means I can have fun... at the bathhouse." - Erika Klash
* "It arrived in two days! Yay!" - Erika Klash
* "I also have some other fun tricks, like I don't know, a fun rope trick. I can show you that one at the sex party I'm going to be at tonight. I also have mage hand, so I can also show you that at the sex party." - KaiKai Bee Michaels
* "I'm also a mistress of love, so I'm trying to set these girls up with people because they're all very lonely. You can tell, can't you." - Kitty Powers
* "Your lash is crooked girl." - KaiKai Bee Michaels
* "I just love them all so much. It's hard for me to be able to read any of them. They're my sisters... Kitty Powers!" - Pollo del Mar
* "I'll look at the cow costume and say: Heklina! I thought we banished you in our last adventure!" - Pollo del Mar
* "I look at the tiefling and say, 'Man, RuPaul, you really shouldn't have fired Mathu Andersen" - KaiKai
* "Not just public schools. New York City public schools." - Erika Klash
* "I'm just glad that earthquake didn't destroy my drink. I mean, Pollo." - KaiKai Bee Michaels
* "I'm feeling like a bootleg Sister Roma." - Pollo del Mar
* "A point of inspiration for figuring out how many sides a square has." - "It's a cube bitch! A square has four sides." - DM Matt and Pollo del Mar
* "Pollo del Mar, flaming? That's unthinkable." - DM Matt
* "That's at least a $75 value per person. Drag is way more expensive than you think." - Erika Klash

### References

* Dragula
* Heklina and D'Arcy - owners of Oasis
* Jeff Sessions
* A Wrinkle in Time
* Oprah Winfry
* Rupaul and Mathu Andersen
* Monique Hart's "Brown Cow, Stunning"
* Sorting Hat
* Mother - regular drag show at Oasis
* "Enchantment!" - catchphrase of a dwarven NPC in Dragon Age games
* Sister Roma
* Sue Casa - local queen
* Dave and Busters
* 10s, 10s, 10s across the board
* "Being congenial has never been important to us anyway" - Designing Women

### Please Welcome to the Stage

* Miasma St James (Cravasse Pendavis Dupree Labagia)

### Name That Tune

* "Get This Party Started" - Shirley Bassey version (opening lip synch)
* "I Put a Spell on You" -
* "Pinball Number Count" - Sesame Street, music by Walt Kraemer (Catwalk challenge prep)
* "June is Busting Out All Over" - Leslie Uggams
* "Buenas Aires" - Patti LuPone
* "Not Getting Married Today" - Stephen Sondheim (sung by Madeline Kahn)
* "Rural Juror" - 30 Rock
* "Dance Apocalyptic" - Janelle Monae (finale lip synch)

## Behind the Queens

* This episode was recorded the day after the previous episode, Camp Crystal Light. This episode references a few moments from the last one, mostly involving a powerful magic user and her mole familiar, whom Pollo dubbed Heklina and D'Arcy, continuing her trend of mocking local San Francisco queens every adventure.
* This show is the last, to date, episode with the House Aubergine cast.
* House Effluvia's team consisted of four characters who were not named in show. DM Matt revealed their name in a youtube live stream during the Patreon Free Preview Weekend, June 2019.
* Pollo continues her trend of throwing shade at her drag mother, Heklina, owner of the venue. The Dice Boy, Andrew, is also Pollo's drag daughter: Chakka Corn.

**Greetings From Fire Island**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - **The Show Must Go On**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Operation Watersport**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6 - Ch7 - **Trials**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Ghosts of the Coast**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - **The Devil's Due**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Special**: The Story So Far
**The Beautiful Place**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6 - **A Dance in the Dark**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Drama in the Deep**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6 - **Whispers From the Heart**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6
**Danger Rangers!**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6
**Mist Connections**: Ch1 - Ch2
**Unreleased**
Lost: Camp Crystal Light - Pax West 2018 --  vs the Lizard People
Live Shows: Seattle Style -- Minneapolis Style