Transcript: The Super Sick, Totally Terrific, S.I.N.K or Swim Behind-The-Scenes Special

Off-screen voice: Annnnd- action!

Dracori teleports above Miles, attempting to claw him. Miles ducks out of the way and points the Wing at Dracori, sending several sharp feathers at her. She tries to throw off her cape, but ends up getting tangled in it and she falls over.

Dracori: SHIT-

Miles: PFFFTTTHAHAHAHA-

BEEP

Dracori teleports above Miles, attempting to claw him. Miles ducks out of the way and points the Wing at Dracori, sending several sharp feathers at her. She throws off her cape and vanishes, leaving the cape to be pinned to the wall by...nothing.

Dracori: How did you miss that?! It was right there!

Miles: Sue me, this shit is heavy!

THE SUPER SICK, TOTALLY TERRIFIC, S.I.N.K OR SWIM BEHIND-THE-SCENES SPECIAL!

Hunter, fiddling with the Hydroblast shotgun: How does this thing- even load-

BLAM!

Off-screen voice: DAMN IT!

Hunter: SORRY! I DIDN'T THINK IT'D WORK!

A stagelight falls and breaks in front of Hunter.

Off-screen voice: AARGH!

BEEP

Hunter: You know, I'm really new to this whole acting business. So when they called us to come on and do this show...I wasn't super happy about it.

Cut to Hunter fiddling with some gloves, which are stand-ins for his Ignition Gauntlets.

Hunter: How am I supposed to pretend I'm lugging around metal fists with these?

Off-screen robot hands lower and give him the real thing.

Hunter: Finally- OW! FUCK!

Off-screen voice: That's why we use CG.

Hunter: YOU ACTUALLY HEATED IT?!

Cut back to Hunter in the interview booth.

Hunter: First day was...not fun.

Cut to Miles in the interview booth.

Miles: Acting is my jam, man. I'm essentially just being me in front of a camera.

Cut to Miles rummaging through the Constitutions in the S.I.N.K Archives.

Miles: THE CONSTITUTION ADVENTURES OF JOHN HANCOCK?!

Miles breaks character.

Miles: Woah, woah, wait, what? You guys actually wrote for this?

Off-screen voice: Yes.

Miles: Yo, that's-

He starts reading it.

Miles: What the fuck, this is just a high school girl's essay on Bose–Einstein condensates with "We The People" slapped on top, where did you get this?

Off-screen: Etsy.

Miles: WHAT?!

Cut back to Miles in the interview booth.

Miles: You know how we have this joke during each episode where the title card is an actual solid object?

Off-screen voice: Yeah?

Miles: Well, it's not CG. We have an actual freaking title card just lying around here somewhere, hold on, let me see if I can find it-

Off-screen voice: Wh-where are you going?!

Miles, far away: I THINK I FOUND IT!

Off-screen voice: Miles-

Miles, far away: WAIT NO, IT'S JUST THE S AND THE W!

Laura, far away: WHO MISPLACED IT ZHIS TIME?

Sebastian, far away: MI MALO!

Cut to Laura in the interview booth.

Laura: Hunter and I have been together for around 6 years at zhis point, so vhen I got zhe call for zhe show and zhey told me ve vere gonna hate each other, I vas like...alright zhen?

Cut to filming of episode 2.

Hunter: Oh...uh...hey, Laura.

Laura: VHAT DO YOU ZHINK YOU ARE DOING?!

Hunter: I'm sorry, ok?! It was an accident, I was moving too fast!

Laura: Bah! You are alvays moving too fast! Never take zhe time out of your day to just slow zhings down!

Hunter: ...

Laura: ...

Hunter, beginning to laugh: You weren't acting there, were you?

Laura: Vhat? Hey, I-

Cut to Lance in the interview booth.

Lance: I must admit, I am not extremely familiar with many human customs.

Lance: Their speech...differs greatly from person to person.

Cut to Lance reading a fake script.

Lance: "Wassup, Big Boi, that's some hard ass shit, no cap, with the bacon egg and cheese! One fire ass glizzy!" People actually talk like this?

Miles, Hunter, and Alistair are laughing madly in the background.

Cut to Soo-Jin in the interview booth.

Soo-Jin: I love my costume! It's so cute and steampunky! The only problem is that these goggles are a little difficult to see through...

Cut to filming of an episode.

Soo-Jin has her goggles on and is walking the completely wrong direction from the camera.

Soo-Jin, in-character: Hmm...it seems that there have been traces of residue from past- OW!

She bumps into a large rock.

Alistair wheezes while Alex tries to guide Soo-Jin in the direction of the hard camera.

Soo-Jin: Can someone clean these?

Cut to Alistair in the interview booth.

Alistair: See, the funny thing about me is that I'm actually very straight edge. Haven't touched a bottle in around 20 years. I love my character, I do, but I also wanted to stick to my lifestyle, so I expressed my concerns about this to the crew. So guess what they do?

Cut to Alistair drinking. His eyes open in shock and he spit takes the liquid.

Alistair: WHAT BLOODY CUNT DECIDED TO PUT VINEGAR IN HERE? YOU COULD'VE AT LEAST PUT A FUCKING CAPRI-SUN?

Cut back to Alistair in the interview booth.

Alistair: ...

Alistair: Not cool, guys. Not cool.

BEEP

The interview booth is empty.

Miles, from far away: GUYS, I THINK I FOUND THE OR!

BEEP

Adriel: Filming in the set of the Otherrealm was one of the weirdest things ever. I barely understood half of the things they were saying because their German accents were so thick.

Off-screen voice: SIE MÜSSEN SICHERN! DAS MIKRO IST IM WEG!

Adriel: I- what?

Off-screen voice: DAS MIRKO IST IM WEG! SIE WERDEN GETROFFEN WERDEN!

Adriel: The mic is what? ACK!

Adriel walks into the mic pole.

Cut back to Adriel in the interview booth.

Adriel: You know, it makes me feel really good that I get to rep Native Americans in a mainstream tv show.

Adriel: It's not very often we get to see good depictions of us on screen. Like that whole Pocahontas is 12 thing. Yikes.

Cut to the beginning of filming of The S.I.N.K Files episode 3.

Sebastian: *cough* *cough* You think guys overdid it a little on the smoke machine?

Ilyana: I have night vision and even I can barely see anything...

Cut to Ilyana and Sebastian in the interview booth.

Sebastian: Do you remember that whole voice test thing we had to do? In front of the green screen?

Ilyana: Don't remind me, I messed up so many times on my first line ever...

Cut to Ilyana in the voice booth.

llyana: Nyet. We already have objective. That why there are multiple teams here. Wait was I supposed to say that?

BEEP

llyana: Nyet. We already have the mission. Wait...блин!

BEEP

Sebastian: I liked that whole bit where I have glowing eyes. The practical effects team made me this really cool bluetooth contact lenses. I can change the color with my phone, watch-

He presses a button on his phone. His eyes turn blue.

Sebastian: Azul...

He presses a button on his phone. His eyes turn yellow.

Sebastian: Amarillo...

He presses a button on his phone. His eyes turn white.

Sebastian: Blanco...

He presses a button on his phone. His eyes turn to googly eyes.

Sebastian: I don't know what this is...what is it?

Ilyana: ...

Ilyana: They're back to normal.

BEEP

Alex: I was actually a really big fan of the original SINK series...they kinda changed a lot about it though. I remember when it was gonna focus mainly on weird conspiracy theories like the Illuminati. But then it kinda changed into whatever the writers want.

Cut to Alex, Miles, and Lance standing on the set of a giant board game.

Alex: So how much money do I have now?

Lance: I'm pretty sure you'll need to roll a dice now.

Miles: Isn't it a die?

Alex: Wait, dice is plural...do I need 2 die?

Lance: I do not think you need to end your life to proceed with the game.

Alex: What?! No, I meant-

Miles: HAHAHAHA-

BEEEEP

Cut to Satori in the interview booth.

Satori: *deep sigh* We are never getting a second season.

Miles, from far away: GUYS! I FOUND A NEW TITLE CARD! IT'S THE EXACT SAME ONE AS OURS! WAIT, IS THIS A 2?

Satori buries her face in her hands.

THANK YOU FOR WATCHING: THE SUPER SICK, TOTALLY TERRIFIC, S.I.N.K OR SWIM BEHIND-THE-SCENES SPECIAL! PLEASE TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR THE THE SUPER SICK, TOTALLY TERRIFIC, REQUIEM FOR REALITY BEHIND-THE-SCENES SPECIAL!

Zach: WHAT? SINCE WHEN?!

THE END