LTVS: I, Robbie

*Do not read beyond **this point** if you want to avoid being **spoiled!***

***Layla the Vampire Slayer* episode**

Bentham

8BitDylan as Robbie Williams

*"*[Gesturing at a condom wrapper] *What is this?!"*

*"What does it look like?* [Realisation hits] *Oh god, it looks really bad, doesn't it?"*

*"It looks bad, yes, yes it does!"*

*"I didn't bonk the robot.. I-"*

*"What did you do?!"*

*"Ned threw a condom at me so I inflated it on my head!"* - Robert and Barnaby Davidson

**I, Robbie** is the thirty-third episode of Layla the Vampire Slayer and the eleventh episode of Season 2. It is the second of a sequence of episodes where RandomTuesday was absent and replaced by 8BitDylan.

## Synopsis

In Robert Davidson's disheveled workshop back at St. Thom Huell, sitting on a chair surrounded by prototypes and machinery, is Robbie Williams. Robert attempts to take a look at his injury while Robbie says it doesn't look like a hospital. Robbie speaks in an increasingly-robotic voice as Robert tries to coax an admission that he isn't human out of him. They run through who he is, when his birthday is (April 15th). Robert then tries to take a look and gently touches the exposed wiring at the back of Robbie's head, which makes him jump and exclaim that it feels weird. Robbie changes to Spanish as Robert learns that Robbie is superscience beyond him, but who he can probably fix. Robbie is a robot, probably designed for combat, with predominantly-titanium construction and subdermal armour. His power core and processor are in his brain. Robbie says that his favourite of them is Layla (in Spanish). After an hour of work, Robert works on the wiring and servos with tape and welding. There is still slight denting and oozing of the gel, which appears to be a coolant.

Robbie says he didn't know Robert was a doctor, and Robert avoids saying that he is. Barnaby Davidson grabs a first aid kit and uses bandages to cover up the wound, and intentionally tries to cover up more of his face to make him look less attractive. They tell Robbie he's better, and he remarks that he didn't know doctors had such fancy tools (concerning Rob's kit). Robert asks whether Robbie's been to a hospital before, and he says that they're very clean and smell very bad. Robbie says he's never been injured before, and picks up a wrench and starts whacking stuff with it; they take it from him, and Barnaby hides the wrench behind his back, telling Robbie he's fixing himself with it in an attempt to distract him. Layla, who has changed shirts to hide her burns, enters and Barnaby explains why he's bandaged, which goes on a tangent where Robbie says he doesn't like cars. Afterwards, Robbie asks what happened with the vampires, and Layla tells him that they don't talk about vampires outside of their group. Layla takes Robert aside and asks him whether they can trust Robbie, and they discuss whether to confront him with the robot thing. Layla informs Robert about the "Lumberjack" vehicle she ran into, and Robert notices burn damage to Layla's jacket, singed hair and smell of petrochemicals. She promises to tell him more later out of Robbie's earshot, which leads Robert to sarcastically remark that Robbie won't flamethrower them. Barnaby babysits Robbie in the background. Layla tries to ask whether Robbie knows what he is, and Robbie says that he's a human. Robert asks what Robbie's first memory was. Robbie says it was a basement, which was dark. Robert asks whether there was lots of machinery, and Robbie says there was, including some pods.

Robert asks Robbie to talk about his mother; Robbie says that he doesn't talk about her. Layla asks whether she asked him not to, and he says he can't answer that. Barnaby asks whether he literally can't say anything about his mum, and Robbie says he can't access that. Barnaby attempts to explain that people don't "access stuff", and Robbie becomes agitated about why they're asking him these questions. They decide to get it out of the way when Robbie asks whether they don't believe that he's human. Barnaby says that they trust he believes he is a human, and in reply Robbie says that thinking and believing are different things. Robbie asks whether they don't believe he's a human; Layla says they know he's not. Robert says that the fluid leaking from him isn't blood, and Layla compares it to her blood after she pricks her finger. Robbie refuses to believe them, and he doesn't know quite what to think, but still believe he's human. Layla asks whether they can use the scanner, but it needs time to charge. Barnaby considers using his camera to show Robbie his wound. Robbie is depressed and dejected and they tell him they'll figure it out in time. Layla tells Barnaby to take the photo but burn it aftewards and takes Robbie away. They decide to ice the humanity-convincing thing for the while and bid Barnaby and Robbie good night.

Layla gives Robert the hard drive from the lumberjack and the fishman ichor, briefing him on her patrol. Robert is concerned if there's a Robot-Fishman war going on, while Layla is concerned as to who Robbie's mother is. Robert doesn't know who made the machine (or Robbie), but thinks he could still learn to. They suspect Robbie's motives (or his creator's motives) for him being here. Layla asks if she can pop over to the Davidson's to grab some books and asks how George is going on. Robert says his father's still getting to grips with things and this leads to a discussion on Charity. Layla thanks him for the time he's given them, and Rob figures out that they'll have some warning of her approach and hasn't noticed anything yet. He gives her the fish-creature sample and gets to work on the hard drive.

At the Davidsons', the door has been replaced with a reinforced door and Layla knocks on the door after 30 seconds. Mr. Davidson answers the door after 30 seconds with a crutch and asks if she's there for research. She asks to come in and he lets her in; his other hand wields his axe and she asks how he's been. George says he's feeling a bit helpless with Robert and Barnaby out there fighting when he can't. Layla encourages him to not push himself to let himself heal but doesn't get through to him. Layla tells him about the night's events, though George doesn't really understand the robot things. Layla asks whether he's run into fish-people. He says he did, and asks what it look like, a grey-bluish-green fringed humanoid bipedal creature. She gives him the sample of ichor and he hobbles to the bookshelves. Layla tries to explain her fight with the Lumberjack, but Mr. Davidson is distracted getting the book and Layla just manages to catch it before it falls and hits him. Layla tells him that he could have asked for her help, but George insists on doing as much as he can by himself. George explains that the goop is commonly just called "fish oil", and that if you hit the creature hard enough it reverts to a semi-demonic organic liquid. It's not normally alive in the liquid. From the description of the Lumberjack and its weaponry, George suggests that it was designed to kill demons and vampires, and that it attacked her because she was the Slayer and was confused by the magical energies coming from her. He says that he doesn't really know where the Slayers and their powers come from; previous information was lost when a Slayer in the '70-80s was killed by a vampire. Despite this, not all vampires know this and some even believe they're a myth.

Layla apologises she hasn't been around much since Imogen was absent and says she hopes Charity doesn't come back before they're ready. George says he has a few tricks up his sleeve, and Layla asks what they are. He hands her a sketch of the fish demon and wanders off. The demon is a Pisces demon, which typically eat children or small animals by blundgeoning then swallowing them. They tend to have a group mentality and live in small groups and turn into the goop on death, which can be washed away or used as a mechanical lubricant. They are vulnerable to bludgeoning and bullets, and are half-water in some aspects. George returns and hands her a piece of parchment ripped out of a book; it is a disinvite spell. Layla notes that Charity is a powerful vampire because she can enthrall people, while George counters that she was a former Slayer anyway. He can't recall much about her when Layla presses him on a conversation from a bartender saying that he had spoken with Charity before. Layla says that they intend on giving Charity her soul back, and admits that she accidentally told her. George thinks that doing so would lock the vampire's soul inside the human's body, and doesn't know where the human soul goes, and hasn't heard of anyone who has re-souled a vampire. Layla admits that they did it to Mr. Miller and explains that she killed him to save Barnaby the guilt. This leads to a tangent about Horus Grant, and George doesn't know who he is or what happened to him. Layla explains Barnaby's participation in that and George says they might need to talk about it as a father-and-son thing. Layla also suggests he talk to Robert, since Robert hasn't been working in his workshop often and is generally down.

George admits that killing is something that occasionally needs to be done, but ideally by someone like him. He says that he feels that someone with Layla's powers shouldn't do it, especially a human, and warns her against doing it. He warns her that the Watchers' Council also has a dim view on such things and recommends she not talk about it, and promises he won't talk about it either. Concerning the spell, George says it should be a simple spell, but Layla advises they wait for Imogen to return since most of the witches in town are dead. She fills him in and mentions Ra, but he doesn't know the name. He promises he'll help out as much as he can and apologises for not being there too often, and thinks he needs to chat to his kids more. He thanks her and Layla leaves with the book. Back in the workshop Rob tries to fix the hard drive, but accesses the hard drive's buffer, cracking its encryption. He discovers that it was a post-construction modification intended for monitoring and analytics, including: the gatling cannon's accuracy and ammo count; the flamethrower's pressure; the rev rate of the chainsaw and depth of penetration; track speed data. This data is accompanied by the targets they were used on, namely two vampires, three "unknowns", two Pisces demons and "humanoid unknown - aberrant demon" (Layla).

Robbie is generally rather sad and disconnected and Barnaby attempts to reassure him that they're still his friends. Robbie asks whether Barnaby really thinks he's a robot, and Barnaby says they'll get to the bottom of the matter. Barnaby then says that he wasn't always human, an quietly lets Robbie know that he used to be one, and tells him how becoming human freed him of being trapped between two worlds. Barnaby asks how Robbie knows about demons; Robbie says that he feels like he always knew about them, but doesn't know who taught him (likely his parents), as the memories are non-existent. Barnaby tries to get him to talk about his mother, and Robbie says his mother doesn't want to seem to talk to her. Barnaby asks if he wants them to go find his mother; Robbie would instead prefer to have friends. As they are discussing friendship, Robbie's bandage slips and Barnaby goes to adjust it, only for Ned Phillips, who has been bunking with the boys, to come in and assumes there's something going on. Barnaby is fed up with these situations, but mid-rant receives a condom to the face. Robbie asks what it is, and Barnaby educates the robot on its use, then inflates it and sticks it over his head. There is a misunderstang over Barnaby's intentions towards Robbie. Barnaby kisses Robbie and a sub-routine kicks in and Robbie reciprocates. Barnaby attempts to make sure Robbie doesn't tell anyone about this. Robbie leaves and runs into Ned, who is confused and after being propositioned by Robbie leaves.

Robert is in the lab and Layla eventually joins him, and he asks where the Lumberjack was and its facing in order to try and determine its point of origin via dead reckoning. However, he doesn't quite manage it, and ends up tracking it to a swimming pool. Layla mentions how she had visited Mr. Davidson and they correlate her conversation with him and the data Robert's retrieved from the machine. They briefly discuss the uselessness of the Watchers' Council and the source of Layla's powers, and the intentions of the machine or Robbie's creator. Ned enters and asks to crash in Layla's room, telling them that Barnaby and Robbie are "going at it". The two go through an emotional event. Robert decides he needs to check on Barnaby, while Layla lets Ned sleep in her bed (after a pause, she says she'll sleep in Imogen's because the latter probably wouldn't appreciate it). Ned is a bit skittish around Layla and doesn't want to be hurt. Before leaving, he tells the two he's out of condoms and Barnaby might need more. Layla mishears "condom" as "comb" and this leaves her and Robert even more confused. Before Robert leaves Layla tells her that he should probably talk with his dad, and Robert agrees. The two get a bit overwhelmed with the amount of work they have to do. Before she leaves Layla gives him the Pisces demon book and the vial.

Rob barges back into his and Barnaby's room, accusing his brother of "bonking the robot". Barnaby goes through a significant emotional event and is angry at Ned and vehemently denies the act as Robert steps on a torn-open condom wrapper. After an anguished confession, Barnaby tries to explain that he tried to make Robbie feel better and then he left. Robert interrogates his brother over what Ned saw, but Robert is ultimately unsure of what happened. He advises him to not bonk the death machine robot and tells him some stuff about it before Barnaby tries to sleep.

That night, Layla wakes up in her sleep and sees that Ned has been sleeping rather anxiously. However, in a change of the light she sees his forehead become more bumpy and his teeth elongate. Between snores it fades and reappears. When she does her vampire-sensing, however, she gets mixed signals. He looks like a vampire at times, but not always. Layla prepares to stake him, but is on edge and backs away. Unnerved but unable to kill him, Layla sneaks to Robert and Barnaby's room without them noticing and sleeps on the floor between the beds. When they wake up the boys whisper to each other about Ned's snoring habits, and they ask how and when she got in. They decide not to wake her, since she doesn't care about class; she is finally woken up when there is a loud knock on the door. Barnaby goes to the door while Layla hides in the closet. Ned's there, and he's agitated about Layla having disappeared and asks if she's hunting vampires or something. They eventually tell him she's fine and he asks if he can brush his teeth. Barnaby decides to try and give Ned his stuff, but he doesn't want to change in the corridor and asks what's going on. Growing suspicious due to Rob whispering to the closet that it's only Ned, he assumes that Robbie is in there and Barnaby shoves Ned's bag into his hands and closes the door. Robert chastises him for the rumours then lets Layla out and asks what's going on. She mentions the situation with Ned and can't get a conclusive answer on whether he's a vampire or not.

Barnaby decides to get Robbie and Robert teases/chastises him on that subject; Barnaby sulks and says he won't talk to him for the day. Layla gets out of the closet and steps on the condom packet. The Slayer is disgusted. Barnaby goes to Robbie's room, where Robbie has been pretending to sleep and Barnaby fixes the robot's bandages again. Ned walks in and out of the scene while Layla interrogates Robert about what happened, and the nerd thinks something happened. Robbie and Barnaby go back to the Davidsons' room and their awkward four-way conversation continues. Ned returns is convinced that a four-way happened the previous night, then leaves to the dismay of the others. Robbie leaves and Barnaby tells the other two to be nicer to him then leaves with Robbie. Layla and Robert have no idea how to explain an existential crisis to Robbie. They discuss the situation with the robots and with Ned. Robert then remembers that the experimentation on Ned was based on the fact that he had a twin - who was a vampire. Robert suggests that part of Brian is somehow in Ned, and they're confused about how it works and the morality of killing him. They have no idea of where to go next but to get the egg out of his head and try and revert him to being Ned. When they leave the room they find a schoolbag and a blazer by the door. They realise it's Ned's stuff, but there's no dust around. Layla decides to go look for him and since Robert also has a free, goes with her.

Barnaby decides to take Robbie to the art department to show him how he cheers himself up when he's sad. Robbie doesn't understand so Barnaby does some painting. Robbie says he doesn't think he can when Barnaby suggest he tries. Robbie tells him he doesn't like it when his friends don't trust him - namely Layla and Robert. Barnaby says they're bad with feelings and he shouldn't worry about it, but they're often preoccupied with the vampire business so they're paranoid. Robbie concludes they're paranoid because he's new, and Barnaby agrees, so Robbie cheers up and goes off in search of the two. Robbie sees Ned running away and Robbie decides to call out to him. Barnaby joins him and he runs faster, so Robbie runs after him, with Barnaby following. Ned runs towards the forest and the two quickly sprint after him. Ned panics and gets stuck on obstacles, gashing open his blazer, before rolling into the ground, and they catch up to him. He tells them to stay away and they ask if he's okay. Barnaby picks up Ned and dusts him off and they ask him what's the problem. Ned says that there are demons attacking Layla and they question why he ran away. Robbie suggests that Ned is injured and should follow them so he grabs his collar. Robbie pokes the wound and says they're taking him to the hospital, before taking Ned to the workshop, telling Ned that he's his friend.

Elsewhere, Layla and Rob don't find any trace of Ned anywhere in school before searching the grounds before finding signs of a scuffle and a person being dragged towards the school, towards his workshop. They barge into the workshop, seeing Robbie holding down Ned with a wrench in the air. Everyone talks at once, while Ned begs Layla not to kill him. Ned says that he overheard her saying that she was doing all she could not to kill him in his sleep. Robert declares that if Layla wanted to kill him, he'd be dead before ordering Robbie to put the wrench down. Robert attempts to take control of the situation, while Robbie realises that Ned was lying about the demons and is terrified of Layla. Robert says that Layla thought Ned was a vampire before holding back, and that there's something weird going on with Brian in Ned's body. While Robert attempts to explain the situation Robbie decides to start punching Ned, and Layla and Barnaby try and stop him but fail. Ned's jaw gets broken, his teeth get removed and blood pours out of the wound.

Layla tries to restrain Robbie, who doesn't resist and asks why they aren't attacking Ned, who is a vampire. They try to explain to him that Ned needs their help and Robbie stands down. Barnaby goes to try and tend to Ned's wounds before taking him to the nurse's under the pretense that Ned tripped and face-planted into a workshop item. Barnaby is kept behind with the nurses and the Head. Back in the workshop, Robbie asks whether they actually like him, saying that they think he did something wrong for trying to protect them. Layla immediately says he did by punching one of their friends, and they say they never told him to punch anyone. Robbie says that since Robert says there was a bit of vampire in Ned, then he was right in punching Ned to protect his friends. Robert asks what Robbie would have done if there was a demon in Ned, and Robbie says that he would have destroyed him. Robert tries to explain that killing humans is wrong and they're trying to use a different way to solve the problem. Robert mentions that Robbie accidentally "misclassified" Ned as a demon instead of a human, and Layla asks if Robbie can identify demons or vampires. Robbie says that he was going off what Robert said, and Layla asks him if he trusted them blindly. Robbie said that Ned was being suspicious and lying to them, and the two said that he was probably lying. Robbie says that there is no reason for him to be afraid of the Slayer unless he was a vampire. Layla says she's never said that she's a vampire, and Robbie says that he's seen her strength. Robert asks whether Robbie actually knows what a Slayer is, and Robbie says he doesn't know. Layla tells him she's not and to not call her that. Robbie asks how can he be a human yet forget about these things. Layla tries to imply that he's a robot but this doesn't go through to him.

Robert asks about Robbie's first memory and when it was. After some discombobulation, Robbie realises it was only a few weeks ago, perhaps a week ago. He recalls that there were three pods in the basement where he awoke, but two were broken and each of them had writing on them. He recalls something about "Mercury" and "Starr"; the former's pod was destroyed, and the latter wasn't. Layla and Robert try to press Robbie on his father, but the ongoing onslaught of pressure makes Robbie somewhat internally accept that he is human, even though he is still programmed to become human. Robbie tells them that perhaps he isn't human after all. Robbie says he feels awkward because he had to lie to them and tell them he was something he wasn't. They tell him that he didn't know what he was; he still says he doesn't know what he is but wants to be human. Layla is worried about Ned going to the hospital, and Robbie apologises for complicating matters. They forgive him considering his restrictions and hope that his revelations will free him from any restrictions and he can use his judgement more properly. Robert's eyes glow with ideas of what he can do to "help" Robbie and the robot becomes nervous at the change in the nerd's attitude. Layla and Robert explain that Robert's a super-engineer, and Robert reiterates that he is not romantically interested in Robbie like Barnaby. Robbie asks them to explain the spider demon thing, and Robert explains it only to let on that there is a problem with him. Robert manages to deflect questions by saying that he's still trying to figure things out and fix it.

Robert says that now Robbie's more on their side, they would like his help dealing with the other three robots and the Lumberjack machine. Robbie is overwhelmed with the amount of activity that is going on and is concerned about where Imogen is, as Layla doesn't exactly know. Layla says Imogen's fine, just busy. They ask if Robbie has more memories of the basement, and he doesn't, other than orders to pretend to be human for as long as possible inside the school (his fifth law). He recalls his third and fourth laws: to not hurt humans and to fight evil with them. Layla says that's helpful, and together with Robert encourage better judgement and forgive him for punching Ned's face in. Robert offers to examine Robbie in a non-euphemistic way to try and help his memory and perhaps remove any restraining bolts. Robbie asks whether it will involve a suppository with a wrench, as he thinks that humans are fixed in such a manner due to the prior incident by Barnaby "hiding" a wrench in the workshop. Layla and Robert are disgusted and amused (?). After a while, Robbie's torso opens (tearing his clothes) and exposes two cylinders where his lungs would be (were he human), each containing three super-science missiles on a cylindrical spindle. They tell him to close his chest up after seeing there was no core or anything like that there. Robert asks whether there's anyway to get inside his head and a blue light triggers in his head and his head opens up to expose several processing cores and flash memory cores. Robbie shuts down as his happens, and after a bit Rob reactivates Robbie and asks Robbie for permission to go through Robbie's data for an extended period. Robbie agrees and said it was actually quite relaxing; there was only darkness.

Barnaby returns to the workshop during the lunch break and asks if Robert needs any help. Layla, who is there studying, closes her book and asks whether Barnaby stuck a wrench up Robbie's backside. Barnaby replies that he did it for a lark, and asks if he can help. Layla gives him the book on Pisces demons and he explains that he had to explain to the school about what happened to Ned. After a few hours, Rob gets GPS data for Robbie's logs, and figures out where he originated from, a place that looks like a swimming pool. Robbie is armed with the six chest missiles, which are replenished by eating and processing "things", which are a high superscience item within an already high-level superscience item. Robbie has several laws of robotics, including one which is locked off completely. There are six laws Robert can access:

* Sixth Law: Do whatever Robert Davidson, Layla Smith, Imogen Parker or Barnaby Davidson tell me.
* Fifth law: Maintain human cover unless conflicts it with a higher law.
* Fourth Law: Do no harm to humans, unless it conflicts iwh a higher law; in that case, do as little harm as possible.
* Third Law: Fight evil with the group, unless it conflicts iwh a higher law.
* Second Law: Protect Layla Smith, Imogen Parker, Barnaby Davidson and their friends, unless it conflicts with a higher law.
* First Law:: Protect Robert Davidson, unless it conflicts iwh a higher law.

With this data available, they all pretty much figure out who created Robbie. With the Lumberjack having originated from the same swimming pool apparently, Robert suspects that the Lumberjack also shared a creator. Robert also learns that Robbie was left in a self-learning mode to learn how to gain sentience, and had been running since his creation for 3 or 4 months to process how to build a mind and became sentient about a week ago, at which point he walked out of the basement. Since then, there have been small edits to curate his programming, with no alternations in the last month. Robert notices that Robbie has a power level that is very low and he hasn't been recharged in a while. The item powering him has about 8 hours-5 days' worth of juice, and recharging him is beyond his knowledge. Robert resolves to recharge Robbie, and to do that find out who the creator was. On realising, Robert swears. "Oh crap."