Urifir's Journal

Urifir's journal contains all manner of personal questions and experiences and insights, so if you aren't DM or otherwise don't have Urifir's/Kirin's permission (in/out of character, respectively) to know these things, then you may not want to read this (though you're welcome to if you do).

Most of the contents of Urifir's journal I've not written down formally irl, but this is the subset of eir journal concerned with Eldrias Xisqorel, the Onyx Whisper, and eir connection to the Shadows.

### Re: The Shadows and The Onyx Whisper

This symbol is associated with Eldrias Xisqorel:

* from Algend, the country across the border from my home forest, the ‘enemy’ in the king’s war.
* black dragonborn, extremely powerful
* known personally by Ciel
* tended the portal to some strange dark realm for centuries

#### Beyond the Door.

Observations:

* The shadows pulled toward both the two sources of darkness in the circle and toward the amulet.
* The amulet was held by roots of Ciel’s tree away from what seems to have been its intended place in the center of the circle.
* A force of unknown origin resisted the amulet’s removal from the circle, though I was able to overpower it.

The amulet pleads, not in words but in feelings– sensations,

*Use... me...
So... full...*

How? … Full of *what*?

It doesn’t quite respond.

I feel like I would know what to do, if I wanted to use it— but I couldn’t explain… It fits me, it feels right, like it was… meant for me— like it could… only… be me… It’s not wrong.

#### In the Cave

As we exit, Omen becomes concerned by my concentration on the amulet; Temerity agrees to carry it, to be sure it isn't affecting me.

— I conduct an experiment: Does it communicate with her when it’s in her possession? Does she feel its pull? It seems not, or else she doesn’t mention it —

Observation:

* My shadows continue to pull toward the amulet even as Temerity holds it, even outside the dark room.

— Temerity, Miko, Omen, Levy, and I agree that I should keep this amulet and that none of us will speak to the guild hall about it —

#### In the Barracks.

No response, but feel a tingle from my hand up to the back of my neck.

— I fashion a hempen plait for a strap for the amulet —

*Detect Magic* illuminates that its magicks are a mix of transmutation and conjuration; it seems able to alter the world around it, acting in some way as a portal between realms, much like it was used before… but its purpose outside the circle is not clear.

— I promised Al I would alert him before experimenting alone again, so to the tavern first but THEN to the river —

### The Experiment.

— Al joins, though I advise him to keep a bit of distance; any experiment involving the shadows is potentially dangerous—

I meditate on the amulet for some time, gradually coming to understand it more clearly as my connection with it strengthens to one of attunement. The experiment goes surprisingly smoothly, and the results are many; the amulet is almost a “realm battery” in that it stores magical energy and can release it in various ways. I can sense that it grants the ability to speak to plants and animals such that they can understand but are not granted any ability to communicate a response; additionally, the amulet can absorb elemental energy when struck and release it offensively thereafter. I expect the amulet holds even more abilities, attainable through practice.

What are you? Are you anything?

The response: a sensation identical to my own shadows… but stronger.

Well, that’s not exactly the answer I was hoping for… but it’ll do for now.

#### Post-Experiment.

— I spoke with Al; he suggests talking to the guild hall and their ‘smart people’ about the amulet and shadows —

— spoke with Levy; he expects that the guild hall would certainly remove the amulet from my possession if it is more than a trinket; he advises to not show them if I value keeping it —

Observations:

* After attunement to the amulet, my own shadows no longer pull toward it, though they are… darker? now than before.
* If the amulet is set down, my shadows draw toward it for five or so feet before separating.
* When further from the amulet, the shadows appear lighter again… Curious.

— spoke with Temerity; she is ~~afraid~~~concerned. She asks that I not attempt to make any use of the amulet until we have had a chance to study it further, together —

Regarding the sensation that it could *only* be me… Milly had mentioned that the blights here only activated recently, and I wondered at the time if the presence of the shadows may have triggered their awakening somehow. If so, then it isn't out of the question that— among us at least— only I can do… whatever it is that needs doing… to help Ciel and the forest.

### Identification.

Temerity invited me to conduct an experiment to try to identify more about the amulet; it seemed to confirm much of what I had already discovered but also a few new notes:

* This is only part of Eldrias Xisqorel’s necklace-- one of several pieces, though this is the most significant among them.
* The amulet is called **The Onyx Whisper**.

```
VCMANSDF CNADKFEMCMCC PROECIECIOEY SCCSWMMEFN...

```

* Temerity seemed to *see* the above script and thinks it is some kind of encryption magic that might be decrypted if we had the other parts of Xisqorel’s necklace.
* It is altogether too similar to my own notes of the incomprehensible whispers of my dreams to be coincidence…

#### Post-Identification.

— Temerity asks again that I discontinue my connection with the amulet, for my own safety… but I simply cannot accommodate her fears at the cost of my study of this artifact. Perhaps I can meter my use of it enough that she will feel less pressing concern, but I would not choose to sever my connection… I am sorry, friend. —

If I am to understand this or the shadows, I may indeed need to find the other pieces of Xisqorel’s necklace.

* Temerity mentioned looking for “places where another realm is pouring in”
* There exist spells for locating specific objects/creatures within a large area if one knows what they’re looking for… Could a spell be constructed to stretch that area?

#### More Questions.

— Once alone, I question The Onyx Whisper directly… —

The shadows condense and are drawn into The Onyx Whisper in response, without any accompanying sensation.

The shadows return to their resting position.

The shadows expand, remaining large for two or three seconds before returning to normal.

— *This and more*… I have much thinking to do. —

### Experiment #2: Using the amulet.

— I tested the amulet by the river and later in the forest today, with mixed success —

Results:

* A small flexible plant:  capable of bending away from the sun at my request.
* A tree:  capable only of rustling its leaves, not of bending unnaturally.
* A beetle:  capable and willing to show me its wings upon request.
* An area of insects:  capable but seemingly not entirely willing to make noise for me upon request.
* A vine:  seemingly willing but not capable of lifting me upon request.

Observations:

* Speaking to plants and animals doesn’t appear to cause any change in my normal speaking voice.
* I took care to assess the state of the shadows and the ‘usualness’ of my thoughts during the experiment, and I very certainly felt no difference attributable to the shadows or the amulet.
* Simply speaking to small creatures does not seem to be a significant drain of power for the amulet…

— I am unsure what exactly would drain its energy more significantly… I suspect nothing I am capable of yet. —

#### Limited Practice.

— In hopes of appeasing Temerity, aside from my first use of the amulet I have not used its power for any more than speaking kindly to my plants and to all the beautiful flowers on the hills near the river. They turn ever so slightly toward me when I speak to them; I hope my words encourage them to grow strong and proud. —

### A Discovery: Probably not good.

— It has been brought to my attention that, apparently, when using The Onyx Whisper-- at least, when using it to speak to plants and creatures… one’s mouth-- the cavity of one’s mouth, appears to be replaced by a vacuous darkness… Needless to say, this is a disturbing fact to discover so long after having begun using it regularly for this relatively small purpose.              The only seeming answer is to study it as I would any other new piece of information-- Though, I admit, I am less keen on the potential process of this experiment than most…—

— I have given it some thought, and Temerity may have been right about any careless use of this amulet. I must in the future be sure to \*only\* use it if there is someone along who can alert me to any effects I am unable to perceive for myself, as the user. For now, Omen seems to be an enthusiastic co-investigator. —

— An update! While using the amulet, I can still feel the insides of my mouth as they exist normally. That is-- I hope conclusively-- my insides are not being replaced or filled by this void, unlike the awful, dark ichor of the room beyond the door. I conducted a test of extending my tongue beyond what ought to have been the opening of my mouth, and I could sense only stillness, my tongue not appearing on the outside. \*Almost a realm battery\* indeed, it seems that use of the amulet for this purpose results in the opening of a two-dimensional, bidirectional portal bounded by the entrance to one’s mouth…         What I would give to know Cass’ thoughts on such a strange byproduct-- or, if that is its intended purpose, then a strange byproduct to work also as universal translator. —

— Another update: After all attempts to reach around with a wire to what might be the other side of the portal from the outside of my mouth, I have concluded that both sides cannot possibly be coming out on the other side as close together as they are on this side… I’m not sure whether to appreciate this or not, since it would suggest that the two sides of this portal open into two separate locations in the other-space… Two more than one might hope. —

### A Dream.

— Another shadow nightmare-- twisting darkness all around-- whispers-- louder, Louder, LOUDER-- incomprehensible, yet, I understand —

*Use me… — so full… — use me… — replace, refill… — use me… — open the door.*

The shadows shift, until I am instead surrounded by flames-- these shift again into water-- then earth, as if I am deep underground… Finally, I see a star-- getting closer, Closer, CLOSER-- and I wake.

*Open the door…* I’ve resolved to not use the amulet for even my standard minor experiments until I have some idea what this might mean…

### Val'Nar.

* The central spire in the city, used to travel from one tier to another,~~~seems to show travelers visions as they pass through?~~~(\*) but it shows me only darkness when I pass through it. The citizens here believe that it shows you your “home”, “where you belong”… I shudder to imagine *belonging* to a plane of pure darkness, but the people here don’t seem troubled by the idea at all. They welcome the influence of all planes associated with their visions, even as it changes them, to Aasimar, or elemental Genasi, or Tieflings… (my dream, with the elements, I wonder…)
* A strange further observation: when I practice my daily meditation here, what I would consider my usual spiritual center is *changed*. Darkness creeps inward, at the edges of my vision, and there is no focus in the soft, twilit space— no direction or insight… As much as I try to determine the source of the darkness, I am unable to focus on it directly… Unsettling.
* (\*): Correction! The spire is itself connected to many planes via shifting portals, like torn seams in the fabric of space— so when one passes through it and experiences these ‘visions’, it would seem they are actually passing *through* the plane itself!

### Inside the Upper Spire.

The shadow nightmare, the night before we arrived here— was it a command? a prophecy? ...a warning? Eldrias Xisqorel --or some twisted part of her-- tried to reenter this plane from somewhere else. It was able to activate the amulet to aid it despite my resistance, and I could *feel* it pressing through, as the portals began to turn dark all around us. “They tried to shut me out--” it said as it used the power of the spire, focused by Alice’s pendant, to open a door for itself. It spoke with hundreds-- thousands of voices, including Eldrias’s own, and when I spoke, its voice and all of the voices spoke with me… It pointed at me, and— I don’t know what it would choose to do with the Onyx Whisper, or with me, but I was sure it could be nothing good. So, *terrified*, I ran— as far as I could, to cast the amulet far from its reach, and far away from myself.

But as I moved to pitch it down the stairs,~~~the amulet~~~(no, a voice.) bade that I keep it, told me I am all that ~~it has~~~(they have?). The voice of a halfling spoke clearly through the chaos: “protect”, “for you, at least this”. I admit, my shock and indecision froze me in place as the amulet pulled backward toward the power source in the room. If I were to cast it away, it would only drift back toward the center, toward the creature that had stepped through the door… so, shamefully, I obeyed, and held the amulet even as my friends felled the shadowy creature without me— not that there was time to do so much else. My friends are highly capable, I am glad to say, and with the help of 2279, the creature stood no real chance of escaping to cause harm.

Even so, the gate it had opened to step through needed to be closed, and Temerity’s lost friend, Alice, ‘the Untouched’, long changed by her time in this place— spent the last of her life force to quickly sever that connection to the shadow plane, possibly saving us all from a far worse fate.

#### In the Alleyway.

I sank, into the darkness, at one point after we left the spire… It was like every time the shadows feel like they’re rushing over me-- at first… But then it shifted-- voices, everywhere, deafening chatter-- a struggle-- something reaching for me… In this space, I can \*feel\* the amulet; I can sense that it is not inherently evil. The voice that begged me to keep them, said that I was everything to them-- it is there, among the cacophony, and I feel a calm when I try to focus on it-- but the nonsense and whispers overpower it.

I shout to ask who the voice belongs to, what this place is, trying to get past the other voices, and for a moment the incessant murmurs cease-- followed by what I think must have been responses, from every voice in clamoring unison, both the voice I seek and the voice of Eldrias among them.

I was astonished that my voice meant anything to them! I tried to ask a question with a single answer across the group, in hopes that I might be able to understand-- How many are here? but uncertainty filled the space, with no single answer intelligible in the noise. I tried again, simpler, a single yes/no answer-- You opened the door. Do you know how to *close* a door? The voices give their attempted responses, but the hissing voice of the one who came through the door cuts through the rest. I hear Eldrias say that she wouldn’t be *here* if she had that knowledge…

I hesitate, terrified, but if I could speak to her directly, maybe I could gather some understanding of this amulet-- how to use it-- how to avoid its dangers… So I address her by name. Eldrias. What brought *you* here?

She growls and speaks at the same time-- “a miscalculation”. She doesn’t seem pleased by being singled out, compelled to answer, but if knowing her name was what compelled the answer, then perhaps I could use that to my advantage! Of course, my next question --to ask her about this place-- is met with malice and menace. She is “stuck in-between”, “for now”… What this means, one can only guess, but she certainly intends to attempt escape again. That is valuable knowledge, at least...

As she speaks, the crowd swallows her hissing voice, and the calming voice cuts through in its place-- “~~~*something*~~~mess~~~*something*~~~... Mine”.

I try to ask the voice its name-- hoping that if I could just call to them directly they could help me-- but with the diluted chatter returning, I’m unable to make any sense of a response…

That constant noise, murmuring and whispers, rises above any sense of the place, until suddenly it fades, and I am left once again simply in shadow.

#### Contacting Milly.

Temerity hoped to reach out to Milly, to ask for her assistance in deciding how to proceed with Alice… Acoroc preserved what remained of her life essence after she fell so that, if we somehow find someone who could revive her, it will be possible.
I shared, in hopes of proving that Onyx Whisper can do good and not only harm, that it seems possible to use it to contact Milly— certainly given a power source like the spire. Reentering that place at all felt daunting enough with Onyx Whisper in hand, but for best chances of success it seemed the only option. I insisted the other amulet stay with Omen and the others while we attempted this; with both amulets in that place of power, it would be far too close to the conditions that allowed Eldrias to open the door in the first place: the two amulets together in a remotely unstable place, where material is transported between planes freely and frequently.

When we reentered the upper spire, the portals were somehow less controlled than before, stretching widely and remaining open for longer at a time. I wonder if the people of Val’Nar will notice this difference as they use the spire for transport?

As Temerity and I began the ritual to call to Milly, the portals lingered for longer and longer. Suddenly, I heard the *other* voice again— tangled like always with shouts, whispers, different spoken tones, but clear on its own. “Your fault. Your responsibility. Don’t abandon us… –won’t abandon you.” This outburst –coming from one of the portals, though it was unclear which– slowed the ritual, but finally we found her.

A portal nearly the size of a door, shrinking in size over time, opens directly into, presumably, Milly’s home. Seeing that we struggled to hold it open, she assisted from her end to maintain the connection. I focused on doing what I could from our end as Temerity and Milly spoke.

As our portal’s shape and size began to waver, the outline of something –someone?– appeared in Milly’s realm— a halfling, but wispy and translucent, hovering near the portal. I immediately abandoned my part in maintaining the portal in hope of whatever, or whoever it might have been from seeping out. Milly passed her hand through the image, sweeping it away without resistance, and it faded but echoed -to me- something Milly had said to Temerity, “Embrace your future.” before being engulfed by a cacophony of whispers and then silence, leaving only the hum of rifts.

* This figure may feel far less dangerous than Eldrias, but I do not entirely trust my impression– and certainly cannot afford to trust the voices I know nothing about. It is an uncomfortable thought, that this strange halfling may know something that I don’t about my fate… Who *are* they?
* I couldn’t help noticing during our meeting, surely not for the first time, that Milly’s smile does stretch unnaturally wide… I asked Temerity about it after, about whether Milly is ‘like us’, and she said, gesturing to her unusual headpiece, that she isn’t sure what that means these days… curious…

#### Further Observations and Questions.

* Apparently, the Qorel are a small but powerful family of jewelers here, and Xis is the name of a collection of former apprentices to the Qorel who weren’t able to ‘make the cut’ to be considered among them.
	+ What, then, does it mean that Eldrias Xisqorel’s name is a combination of the two?
	+ Is it possible she was once a part of the Qorel family but was cast out from the family business?
	+ Eldrias was a black dragonborn; the Qorel are a small family, reportedly, but it would seem unusual for them to be dragonborn here, wouldn’t it?
	+ The book of jeweling, at Sil’Nar and Fal’Nar’s home— does it have more information about the Qorel family?
	+ To the rest of the world, Eldrias seemed to appear from nowhere, and eventually disappear again without a trace… What fate befell her? Is it possible someone here knows?
	+ Are the Qorel somewhere in the city still, that I might be able to bring them the Onyx Whisper and ask their impression of it?
	+ If I find them, would they tell me about Eldrias, and how to… try… to help her without— without letting anything terrible happen because of it?
* I need to speak with Lu’Shian about all this. I had no idea, when last we spoke with him, that this place might have so much to do with the Onyx Whisper’s history, but if anyone were to know more, or where to look for more information, it will be him.
* It almost eluded me, but the strange script from my dreams and from the vision Temerity saw when she *Identified* the Onyx Whisper— she said at the time that it was some kind of encryption magic, and that locating other pieces of Eldrias’s necklace might help decrypt it. If Alice’s pendant is one of the other pieces, then… I will have to ask Temerity her thoughts on trying to use them together to understand…

### Speaking with Lu'Shian and Aisha.

What an incredibly productive meeting! I sought out Lu’Shian to inquire about Eldrias and about The Onyx Whisper. He had the following to offer:

* Corruption and dark horrors are not the mark of a Qorel.
* A Qorelian Amulet could certainly have the power [to open a portal that could allow dark horrors to enter] if used that way.

I told him I hope to learn about the Xisqorel, where Eldrias came from, what fate she met. I shared my theory that she, and many others including myself, might somehow be connected to the amulet, and that I sought to learn from someone, another Xis perhaps, about how to use the amulet to help her or anyone. His response:

* Qorelian amulets are not typically connected to particular people, though each has unique abilities; more likely, the connection that I sense already existed and was only amplified by the amulet.

— I hadn’t considered myself connected to the amulet itself in the way the voices seemed to be, rather imagining that both myself and the amulet were caught up in something else, but the thousands of voices– Eldrias– it was easier to believe the amulet was their source than to suspect that they may have been part of the shadows themselves. —

Lu called in a favor and summoned a Qorel, Aisha, for me to meet. They are tall, radiate a bright light, and have a booming natural voice. They wear multiple amulets of their own– The Reader, of their own creation, as well as two created by Tanar Qorel– one for detection of evil presence and one for protection therefrom. Aisha answered many questions—

* The Qorel:
	+ are gem-mages who create and enchant items.
	+ ‘Xis’ is short for Xisqorel, Qorelian candidates who did not live up to expectation.
	+ (Lu’Shian was once a candidate but quickly withdrew and is considered a Xisqorel.)

* Eldrias:
	+ was a promising candidate but not a gem-mage— she rather attempted to create a vehicle with which to combine amulet powers— and was expelled.
	+ When barred from the Qorelian meetings she left Val’Nar.
	+ spoke of using amulets to combine planes, ‘Omnidus’, and was considered deranged. Aisha thinks such work is likely how Eldrias became ‘stuck in-between’.
	+ had stolen the amulets she used outside Val’Nar from the Qorel directly.
	+ being dragon-touched may have led to ostracization, though lessened by Qorelian candidacy.

* The Amulets:
	+ each is entirely unique.
	+ powers limited by the user, but have the potential to warp reality around them.
	+ powers such as cloning; rewriting societal consciousness; transforming one being into another; perfect resurrection of a historical figure; creating gates to other planes; all within reason for a compatible amulet and user.
	+ compatibility is not rigid; with time and effort a Qorelian could gain basic control over any amulet.
	+ no more than a dozen Qorelian amulets have ever left Val’Nar, Aisha estimates.
	+ amulets have uses but not always intent— their powers arise as a combination of the gemstone’s natural disposition and the creator’s ability.
	+ all created with the intent to \*be\* something, not to \*do\* something.

* The Onyx Whisper:
	+ ‘the voice into the void’
	+ transfers information, ‘spirit’, across planes. Transferring material seems beyond its abilities.
	+ was used as a universal translator, sending a voice through the void to become comprehensible to another.

* The shadows themselves:
	+ Aisha approached, their light and presence thick and pervasive, and The Reader has a blinding perpetual glint at such close range; even I was uncomfortable, but the shadows remained constant, defiant under Aisha’s heavy gaze, refusing to be pushed back.
	+ “Not shadows at all. I’m afraid that you may have never seen your shadow.”
	+ “These are reflections. of lives lost. grudges and promises. shadows of people’s intentions. people lost to the in-between.”
	+ “I think you are like the spire somehow… an anchor between our world and the void.”

* “The Onyx Whisper could not find a better home.”
* “You could be a Qorel, if you had the desire.”

Lu says Aisha sees me as a well of power.

My final question, to Lu: How to close a door?

The disappointing answer: Lu doesn’t know, and neither did Alice. Gods help us if I am unable to learn from someone who does before the next time Eldrias tries to escape.

#### Future Goals and Questions.

* Try to *intentionally* return to the place where the voices are.
* Contact and learn about the *other* voice.
* Talk to Milly about the halfling— are they the other voice? Who are they?
* Meditate on the shadows without the amulet. What connection can I make? Can I contact the voices?
* See if Favreau knows of any documentation on Eldrias Xisqorel and the other amulets she used.
* Learn how to close a door, post haste.

### Connecting without the Onyx Whisper

I hadn’t attempted to speak with the shadows again since Val’Nar… But today I had a bit of time despite everything, so I planned to try to reach out to the *other* voice again. Cass and Temerity insisted that I not use the Onyx Whisper, even though I was sure it would steepen the odds of connecting at all– Cass believes that the encryption within the amulet might be sending a beacon to Eldrias, to call her to me. Still, a failed experiment is more insightful than no experiment, so I agreed to his conditions and gave the Onyx Whisper to Temerity for safekeeping.

— I didn't recall my promise to Al, that I would not experiment alone, until after I had cast the preparatory spells. I– I have no excuse, but I am afraid this will have to be an exception. I will do well to apologize to Al when I get the chance…

Without the amulet to bolster the link, I was careful to take precautions. I cast an arcane ritual I have honed recently to aid in translation, to help me understand the many voices, just in case. The shadows themselves seemed to reinforce my sigils, and I spent what casting energy I had left after the long day to call for Selûne’s blessing. She must have smiled on my effort, because despite my doubts, I was relatively easily able to return to that dark place, a cacophony of voices filling my mind as I searched for the halfling– the *other* voice. I called out in Halfling, asking where the figure I had seen in Milly’s portal was – ‘Protect’ – and by Tymora’s grace I was soon surrounded by only my own, though their questions and answers all ran together around me in a senseless jumble. Their figures, wispy outlines like that of the one in the portal, floated all around me.

I asked, who is it who has reached out to me, has hushed Eldrias, has spoken to me so clearly before? I asked the figures all around to let them speak. The figures reacted with surprise and shock and began to draw closer to me in that darkness, each pleading more loudly as they approached– but they were stopped– they continued to press in on all sides, but they were limited in their approach to a few dozen feet away perhaps.

I tried to step toward them, but we were adrift in an infinite abyss. I had no way to move in any meaningful direction.

That is when I felt Eldrias– her hissing voice and wispy form cutting through the crowd. She motioned to me as she began to close the distance that the others couldn’t– until suddenly, she too was unable to come any closer. After a moment of terror of her approach, I found my voice enough to tell her that I did not come for her, that I was looking for the *other* voice, the one who seeks to protect me. I tried to be clear that I mean her no harm, that if she was willing to talk I have questions, about her amulets, and the encryption—

At this, she reached out toward me, but a halfling figure crashed straight *through* her, closer to me than any of the rest. It faced Eldrias, raising its arms to create a sort of wall separating me from her. It was *them*, the one I was searching for— I asked too many questions, like the voices all around, before stopping myself.

* Who are you?
* Why are you here?
* What do you know about Eldrias, and the amulets?
* Where are we?
* How am I here?
* Why are you protecting me?

The halfling turned toward me, and I could see that this was requiring a terrible amount of effort for them. Their mouth was drawn into a pained smile– I could sense clearly, whoever this is, they sincerely want to help me and would go to extreme lengths to do so– but the pain they were experiencing, both physical and emotional, echoed in my head as they answered—

*Always had more questions than anyone could answer, Kirin.
Even ones you know the answer to.
It could have been easier.*

He points to his chest– gestures to where the Onyx Whisper has rested on my chest for the past few months…

He is suffering, gasping for air between words, tears streaking down his face, and for all his pain I could feel myself crying in turn. I felt moisture in my left palm– his tears mixed with my own as a warm spell began to surround me, trying to pull me away from that place. I resisted– there was still so much I need to understand! I shook off the moisture and the spell with it, unwilling to let go of the connection yet.

Eldrias began to thrash more vigorously as the halfling spoke in a shocked and shaking voice, with some measure of– was it *pride*?

*You– you… are amazing.
It makes sense you wouldn’t recognize me though, especially here.
Forgive me, T~~o~~~~*

His words are drowned by Eldrias’s hissing roar—

***E DOESN’T HAVE IT?! WHY?***

Her motions become erratic, her anger warping the space around her, infecting it.

*It’s just a tool. It’s not hers anymore.
You, Kirin, you and your friends, will choose our fates.*

His expression twists in pain as Eldrias’s movements grow more wild.

*Now… please…*

I felt the magic pull at me again, and whether I had the power to stop it or not, I let it take me. My eyes jolted open, and I lurched forward as if waking from a nightmare– I struggled to breathe in, as if the air were far beyond frozen– then, gasping, slowly came back to my senses. Compared to that vast inky blackness, the pale glow of my moonstone in this room seemed a bright and welcome light.

#### Thoughts and Questions.

* I will need to make a point to apologize to Al when we return to Freyhill— I got so caught up that I didn’t think to ask someone to spectate until it wasn’t reasonably feasible…
* How do the other figures maneuver in the abyss? I was unable to move myself, yet it seemed everyone else there was able to move with respect to me…
* ‘Questions you know the answer to’?? Which of those questions do I know the answer to?!? —I mean, I supposed we were somewhere in the void– but that seems a bit broad…
* He knew my *name*?? —though, maybe they all know my name… If they’ve been with me long enough they must… so m-maybe it means nothing…
* I was sure it would be impossible to find the voices again without the amulet, but I was able to do so much more than just find them! —Even so, without the amulet, the *other* voice endured immense pain and duress to maintain a connection with me. I can’t– I can’t do that to them again, not unless absolutely necessary.
* ‘It makes sense you wouldn’t recognize me, especially here’… *Should* I recognize him??
* Eldrias was furious that I didn’t have the Onyx Whisper… Perhaps using it in the future would be playing into her hand— or perhaps she reacted in such anger because she was in immense pain too, and choosing not to use it, to spite her, wouldn’t help anyone…
* The halfling assured me that the amulet is only a tool, that I– and my friends, will be able to control whatever fate it brings…
* The magic that pulled me away– I believe it was his. That’s one kind of answer about him– an indication of his skills— and it seemed to be stronger magic than I know, at least…

* Had I ever considered that the ones most in need of the light may be those already thought to be lost to the darkness?

### Elek.

What *does* this mean to me? If the *other* voice has been Elek– I have so many more questions…

* What *happened* to you?? You were gone– the accident— you’ve been thought dead since before I was born… Did you know?
* Did my mother know and just never told me?
* Have you been here the whole time? the *whole* time??
* How much do you know about me? How much do *any* of you know about me?
* My grandmother said once that you had a similar relationship with the darkness—
 You must know more about the shadows, right? or why they’re connected to us?
* Am I in danger of being trapped in the shadows too?
* Why have you been able to get through— how have you overcome the other voices? Is it correct that a strong enough connection brings you closer?
* What power do you have in this place? How do you wield it?
* How do you move here? How do you manage to interact with anything at all?
* What does Eldrias want with me— why do you hold her back? How do you know to intervene? \*How\* do you intervene?
* Is it always painful? Is there anything more I can do to help that?
* You said we will decide your fates— how do you know that? What do you know??

### Attempt to bring someone along into the *other* place (Failure).

On one hand, an utter failure; on the other… something interesting, and probably not good.

I made an attempt with Temerity to try to bring her along to the *other* place, but when I awoke there she was nowhere to be seen. — later, she informed me she didn’t experience *that* place at all. Unfortunate… I’ll have to continue working toward a way to better explain, show someone else *that* place.

As I looked around the space for Temerity, I notice the *others* in that space are as they usually are — at odd distances first, then draw toward me, but as ever, limited in their approach.

Unusual, however: in the far distance ahead of me, there is something ***large***, an amorphous entity, roaming the space… It grumbles, groans… As I listen to it, I can make out

***— hungry — need more food —***

I call out for Elek — no reply, but the large entity turns toward me, its attention caught. I try to leave but am unable to will myself home. I panic — helpless — eventually Elek appears and says simply,

*Not now.*

I wholeheartedly agree, and I find myself pulled home.

#### Questions.

* What in the nine hells was that?!
* It seemed similar to the other spirits-voices here in form, except that it was huge and amorphous… Do I know of anything like that in our plane that it could be similar to?
* ‘Need more food’, it was roaming for food in that place — does hunger need sated there?
* If something like that is there, and not just \*people\*, then… That seems to imply that other, more dangerous or alien entities likely exist somewhere in that vast space as well…
* Was Elek okay? I drew the creature’s attention and then as it approached he was able to send me home… If he has survived there with these creatures for as long as I believe, he must have a way of hiding from it…

### Attempt to Reconnect with Elek (Utter Failure).

The night we returned to Val’Nar, we were invited to stay at what appears to be the Qorelian dorms, at Aisha’s invitation. Concerned  about Elek, I asked the shadows — in the way that I have recently learned to do using the Onyx Whisper as a channel — whether it was safe yet to return to \*that\* place to try to convene with him. It had been three days; surely the lurking creature wouldn’t still be present…

Connecting to the shadows came easily enough, but as I awoke in the \*other\* place I felt immediately on me an icy presence. A cold claw grips my shoulder, tracing up to clasp my neck. The familiar dragonborn voice sneers,

***You’re here again. Go on, try to run. Go back to that room!***

I try to will myself away, but I am frozen in place, defenseless. Eldrias clutches my neck tightly, and I can’t breathe — I scrape and struggle for air for what feels like an eternity as she tears into me with her words — she *commands* that I give her another chance at escape…

There are periods where I feel close to losing consciousness, but every time, she loosens her grip just enough to keep me there. Eventually, it is too much — she stops holding back, threatening,

***You can’t do what I need from you in here.***

I feel my light finally, blessedly, extinguish.

 — a moment later, I wake on the floor of my assigned bedroom. a knock at the door. It’s Temerity… She tells me it’s morning, that she slept in and was concerned when I hadn’t come to wake her up… My voice catches as I speak, but my neck isn’t physically sore the way it should be from the experience I’d just come from… a bright side in that at least I can be confident that harm suffered in the *other* place doesn’t seem to affect my body here…

#### The Shadows.

The shadows are— *not okay*, today. They feel strong, and I, well I don’t want to risk Eldrias taking advantage of my weakness… I’ve stowed the Onyx Whisper in my bedroom, cut myself– and, hopefully, Eldrias– off of its power for now, but I can still *feel* it there…

Temerity thinks it is best that we find someone here who can help me learn to use it more safely, but the shadows still feel powerful, and I have lingering concerns about using it at all, especially here, especially now. Still, I believe she is right, that I need an expert, and one will only exist in this place.

### The Onyx Whisper — Learning to Listen.

We reached out to Aisha today to ask for advice learning to use the Onyx Whisper more –effectively… They gave me a book to study and reminded me not to center my needs or wants when using it… It has a purpose, listen; feel its pull.

* I think back to the first tugging feelings I ever felt through the amulet…

*use me… — so full…*

but this continues into the pull from my dream the night we first approached Val’Nar…

*— use me… — replace, refill… — use me… — open the door.*

This was never communication from the amulet, through the shadows. None of it ever was in the way I initially thought. It was always the shadows, their messages, their voices communicating via the amulet… These were the same cryptic fragments from so many of my dreams, filling my notes, translated from *that place* to my mind.

‘Open the door’, that was Eldrias — but, they weren’t all Eldrias. So then, who were they? What did– or do– they want? What did they mean?

**A Conjecture.**
'Open the door' was neither a suggestion nor command. Eldrias may not have even meant for it to be communicated... Almost like it leaked, a moment of foresight into something that would occur later in her own voice...

### Eldrias **— Observations Ongoing...**

The shadows have been *fine* — I haven’t let myself sink into them since the incident with –Eldrias… and they haven’t been much trouble since that day — but we went to Aisha for assistance with the situation with Omen, for help boosting the power of The Tear so Temerity might be able to limit Omen’s reaction while we’re busy –with the dragon… Aisha agreed and summoned a door, normal here, but this time it felt uneasy to me, and when I stepped through we were back inside the spire.

Immediately I tried to step back through the door — the shadows were already tugging toward the shifting portals all around, searching for something — but the door was gone… I looked to the stairs — there hadn’t been portals in the lower level last time; maybe that would be safer? but the instability of the spire now has led to the portals extending down the staircase — such that it might even be risky to try to pass that way…

I asked Aisha if I was needed because I really shouldn’t be here, *especially* not with The Tear *and* the opal artifact they brought specifically to boost its power… Aisha agreed and summoned another door for me to exit — the shadows latched onto it, pulling at my heels like an undertow, and suddenly there was no good option; I could stay and risk repeating the past, or far worse, or I could go and risk whatever lay on the other side of the door for myself — at least then getting away from the spire and the other gems’ influence…

Temerity suggested I bring Meera, and I told myself that at least we could face the shadows together — but of course not. After stepping into the portal, Meera must have exited the other side without me, but I was caught. Fixed in place, in *that* place, close again to –her presence. Unlike before, when I could struggle but couldn’t escape — I couldn’t move at all, couldn’t speak. My entire body was frozen.

–She was there, speaking, soothing,

***It’s okay — You aren’t strong enough.
You only ever put people at risk…
I could make them strong; I could make you strong...***

***It happened once.
You wanted me to take control; you let me choose.***

***Let me act; it’s a gift; it’ll be easier...***

My body loosens, just enough to react, to respond — I plead, terrified —

*Please, y-you don’t have to do this! I want to be able to help you; there has to be some ~~oth~~~~*

She latches onto my words,  ~*I want to help you*~ … the *wrong* response.

***Ahhh, so you agree. Good.***

I don’t remember if there was anything else, but I surfaced in Aisha’s office — Meera was there, frustrated by our separation, and I could \*feel\* Eldrias, loud in my mind, in my thoughts. Panicked, I stowed the Onyx Whisper on Aisha’s shelf, not wanting \*her\* able to use it — She laughed, reminded me she is bonded to me, not to the amulet — Meera was talking, but I couldn’t focus — I went to find Acoroc, hoping his magic could purge her from my mind — I \*feel\* her feelings in response, sharp disappointment…

***You’ve made yourself weaker, and then gone and involved others — put them in danger…***

… Acoroc promised to try to help, but had already exhausted the day’s mana on his studies…

Focus. When it happened before, when the shadows had taken control, I had frozen in a moment of indecision, so I decided to do my best to not leave any openings for –her to act \*for\* me until I could think of a better plan — I went to pace along the street, Meera following, until Temerity found us… It wasn’t sudden, but I realized then that I wasn’t still hearing –her actively… At this Eldrias chimed mockingly that oh, she is \*always\* present…

Temerity told us a huge earth creature was in the city, leaked through the spire; it had already torn apart several people — finally, an easy choice. We rounded on it, and I released on it my full might, a worthy outlet for all the power I would rather Eldrias not have access to anyway.

“YOU DON’T BELONG HERE!” I shouted at it as it fell, and at Eldrias in tandem, intending it as a threat.

***But look at how strong you can be, with me.***

All at once uncertainty creeps over my confidence in my own power. That was me, wasn’t it? That was the light…

#### Thoughts.

* She said I was putting my friends in danger by involving them, by asking for help — in danger of what? Something like the experiment with Cass… or worse? I trust Acoroc to be able to take a punch, but if she really can take control… I can’t imagine unleashing anything like I did on the earth creature on my friends. Maybe best to give my weapons to someone else if we try anything. Just in case.

### Discussion with Eldrias.

We met with Aisha to ask what can be done about Eldrias, and we learned a few things, uncomfortably:

* It was my desire to help Eldrias that allowed her passage here.
* “A window, that’s what you are — or were.”
* “It is not a curse. It is you now — and her. Two minds and one body. She found her way out. She is here now.”
* Sending her back would require the power to create a portal between worlds and force a consciousness through it.
* “You are certainly part of how it happened, but my guess is that she provided most of the power necessary.”
* The Onyx Whisper could open such a portal… but forcing Eldrias through is another question…

I naively thought I could invite Eldrias to speak with me under a charm of truthfulness, that I could ask her what it would take to expel her and could be certain that her words were true… She seemed interested in speaking, if not interested in compromising on her plans, and she was— defensive, maybe —about my insistence on charming us both to ensure honesty. I know the enchantment cannot force someone to speak, can only force that what they say is the truth, so even though I would have been more comfortable with it in place I agreed to forego it.

To that end, I may still choose to cast it partway through our conversation if I think it would be beneficial.

I expected Temerity to insist on observing, after her reaction to the other night, but she did not protest when I asked about less-present methods of observation or when I accepted foregoing it altogether. So I will be doing this alone, and without any guarantee of honesty… but if that’s what it takes to get any answers at all from Eldrias, then, I will take it…

#### Notes.

* wants a body — “to lead this world to its next incarnation”.
* but not my body! — will leave me once she has a body — mine “likely isn’t strong enough”…
* plans to possess whatever body she needs —

#### Eldrias Devoured.

I did it— I did it, and she’s gone! At least, for now…

Eldrias had agreed to a conversation, alone, uncharmed. As we spoke, she described bringing about a new age, that I would be a bridge for her. She said she planned to possess a stronger body, and I immediately thought of the dragon— I told her my friends and I would never let that happen.

She was furious, or maybe desperate, and pulled me down into the shadows, into the \*other\* place— \*The Border Ethereal\* she called it— before I could signal for help. She held me there again, her chilled claws pinning me in place, threatening to crush me, without any further control necessary…

She tried to intimidate me as before, force me into submission, but this time was different than before. I have studied and meditated on my connection with the Onyx Whisper since that night, and in this moment I could feel it open itself to me further— I was able to channel enough energy through it to cast Eldrias away from myself— far away into that space.

The blast attracted the attention of the hulking creature from before— \*The Hunger\*. It was far off, but as it approached it saw Eldrias, and the two became entangled. Far more frightening than the last time I saw it, when it noticed me and Elek pulled me out of the shadows to safety before it could reach me— I watched from afar as it engulfed her spirit entirely.

Surely she has some means of escaping it— it would be most cautious to assume she does, having survived there for so long, but… if she has only survived by avoiding its attention, then perhaps… perhaps she is finally gone. devoured.

Of course, that would be optimistic. But even if she has not been fully consumed, she will certainly have been weakened considerably and unable to try to return to our world for some time. If not for good, then for now.

I remained quiet in place, careful not to draw the Hunger’s attention, and it roamed away as casually as I had seen it before.

The other voices of that place began to fill my head again, and— like the time in the alley— the constant background noise of murmuring and whispers overtook my sense of space as my connection with the border ethereal— perhaps weaker for having been pulled there by force— faded and I found myself back here, in my room, among only receding shadow.

#### Final Questions and Comments.

* Once again, my body shows no sign of what presumably my spirit endured in *that* place— inside the border ethereal…

* And once again I have been brought back not of my own volition… The Onyx Whisper allowed me to push away someone else— at the clear risk of attracting unwanted attention— but I remain unable to maneuver myself inside the border ethereal, even with its help…
	+ Will it require deeper study of the Onyx Whisper or greater surety of self to learn to propel myself in that space the way Eldrias and Elek do— or did…?
	+ Aisha’s book explained that knowledge and understanding are simultaneously key to utilizing the amulets. Both mastery of the arcane and an intimate connection with one’s Home and those who dwell there would strengthen the bond…
	+ I have been pulled out of the shadows by Elek, have been forced out by Eldrias, but what triggers this fading connection? It cannot be simply the use of the Onyx Whisper, and it is not simply my will…

* With Eldrias gone— or else severely weakened— is it safer again to try to contact Elek?
	+ The Hunger is still there, and arguably more aware of my presence now…
	+ And I remain unable to escape back to this plane by will…
	+ So I suppose not yet.

#### Telling Aisha.

* "I didn't believe you could best Eldrias... and I still don't believe you could best Eldrias. Tread carefully. The Border Ethereal is a mysterious place."
	+ That is… more ominous than expected, but I appreciate Aisha’s warning and will take it to heart.
	+ Does Aisha believe Eldrias allowed herself to be pushed away? Perhaps she does have a means of escaping the Hunger after all…

* What would it mean, for Eldrias to not have been bested…
	+ Would she still have access to my mind from that place? I haven’t felt her presence since…
	+ I would need to be careful, as before, to not bring myself to the Border Ethereal unprepared to face her, if such preparation is possible.

### Reconnecting with Elek (Success).

 I have consulted the shadows every night for weeks now, inquiring about the safety of trying to contact Elek again finally, and I have Temerity’s blessing to return the next time I believe it is safe.

~~————————————————————————~~

It has been a long time… I hadn’t entered the Border since I was pulled in by Eldrias, months ago, now… but my return was unquestionably a success. I easily sank into the shadows, into the familiar feeling of weightlessness and placelessness, and as I kept watch for any sign of the two entities I hoped to avoid, I quickly saw Elek approaching. I called him by name, and his form pulled taught for a moment before slacking again with a nod.

*It’s been a while…*

I cited the Hunger— not being able to move in that place makes its presence all more terrifying…

*Right, you’re not good at moving here— you’ve got too many tethers.*

As he pointed them out, I was able to notice thin cords that were previously clouded by my periphery, almost beams of light, binding me from various directions. I was able to twist in place, but I couldn’t interact with the tethers, and trying to move myself proved maybe impossible (or maybe only incredibly difficult?).

**An Observation!!
I could twist in place, but doing so didn’t change the orientation of the tethers— which is to say, assuming I can focus on them in the future, I may be able to make some spatial sense of that place yet by using them as a sort of axis!**

He said he and others lost there don’t have tethers like this, although they clearly still have some kind of connections, because he and I *find* one another there while others– most others– can’t reach me…

*Not all connections are visible…
The connection we have doesn’t rely on another place.*

 He said the lost aren’t meant to connect, that it always hurts to do so, but that it’s worth it… I asked about our connection, and my connection to –Eldrias…

*She was looking for someone, I think...
but it’s through me.*

 I had hesitated to speak her name, and when I did my hesitation was proven warranted; I could feel the chill of her presence, could almost hear the echo of her voice, her piercing hiss… maybe it was just memory, but… I’m afraid she must be free there again already.

He said the shadows had always been there for him, too — he shifted sharply there, from the subject of the shadows to that of his art.

*It’s the song of creation, that’s what I strove for…
I wanted to perfect it. I wanted to see it, to hear it, to be it, and I got lost…*

He said that he lost himself, that most of the lost wound up here the same way: by doing “something stupid”.

*I sought my craft more than my life.*

For the sake of being sure, I asked if he knows how to close a portal to this place, but he gave the same answer she did, that he only opens them...

**Actually, I wonder...
If he knows how to open a portal, perhaps he would know what could stop someone from doing so?**

 While I was there, the other spirits moved closer and closer — like they have always done. They pressed in on all sides, until I could see nothing beyond Elek but the cloud of their forms. At this point, Elek’s form suddenly blurred, and I could see my own form shake. The other spirits began to part, and I could see the Hunger following one of the tethers directly toward my location. I asked Elek if there is a way for me to resurface myself, but there was no time. He lunged toward me, and despite not reaching me, I quickly reemerged to the sounds of the night and our camp.

#### Answers, and Questions.

So many answers… and yet, too many questions— always more than I can ask… Let me try to organize then. for the next time I return.

A checklist, of questions still unanswered:

* Elek knew me, knew my name— we were connected before I ever understood the shadows or who he was. The shadows have been with me my whole life, and he is part of them, but— has he been *aware* of me the whole time? Are the other spirits aware of me in the same way? aware of people like me, who are tied to the darkness? It has seemed like Eldrias is able to be aware of me when I am not there. Is that possible?
* What power does Elek have there? How does he use it? What magic does he use to force me to resurface? Is it always magic? Eldrias had— well, I think there may be a physical sort of method too. Is that accurate? Am I physically present there at all? Is there a way for me to replicate either method to force myself to resurface if I need to?
* Is it possible for me to move in that place at all? difficult at best, certainly, but is it impossible?
* Elek was tied to the shadows as well— did he ever get the chance to do this, this sinking into the void– before he got stranded? How did he interact with the shadows? What does he know about that connection, for himself and for me?
* He said my connection to –to Eldrias, is through him… What does that mean? What is her relationship with him?
* What is the song of creation? ~~~How could it have meant more to him than his wife and child?~~~ What did it mean to lose himself in it?
* Is the Hunger only one entity? or are there more like it? Are there other kinds of creatures native to this place? Is there anywhere safe?
* Has Elek interacted with –Eldrias since the last time I was here? Can he sense her presence? Would he be able to tell if she were roaming free in that place?
* He does not know how to close an opened portal, but perhaps he knows of some way to disrupt the opening of one...

Okay then. I need to return. Demand that Elek help me learn how to leave. Beyond that… he clearly understands more about Eldrias’s connection to me than I do. I have other questions, about his story, but learning to orient myself in that place, and learning about the Hunger and whatever has become of Eldrias must be my number one priority.