PodcAMAst!

**PodcAMAst!**, introduced as just "podcast", is an unscheduled audio bit starring The Lorax and The Once-ler from The Lorax reboot, The Biggering.

In it, Once-ler is given the reigns to a podcast show and entertains some listeners' questions, together with The Lorax, who's there against his will.

There's no desired date of completion set for the project, and the track is part of the "Not The Lorax by Illumination" album.

## Questions

*<under construction>*

Once-ler welcomes his listeners and explains the purpose of his one-time podcast. He introduces The Lorax, who proclaims wanting to be freed, insinuating he's been captured and sitting in the studio with some kind of restriction put upon him.

Once-ler tries to instigate some casual small talk first and asks how he's been doing, but Lorax starts a familiar tirade about him destroying his trees, so moves on.

**"What's your favourite movie?"**
*Once-ler responds he doesn't watch many movies and prefers live theater. Lorax clarifies because it gives him the opportunity to show off some animal he killed and turned into a coat, which Once-ler confirms. He asks Lorax about his favourite movie, to which he says never to have watched television.*

*Once-ler adds to prefer TV series over movies.*

**"How tall are you, my guy?"**
*Once-ler gives the answer, but curiously states he was a different size just an hour ago.*

**"Thneed or Whant, what's the difference?"**
*The Lorax replies that one starts and the other ends with a "t", but Once-ler is quick to jump in and disavow the copycat brand.*

**"How would you solve the Trolley problem?"**
*Once-ler is not familiar with the thought experiment and proclaims transportation is not his expertise. Lorax thinks to have heard the term before and guesses what is being asked.*

*Once-ler wonders if he could flip the switch at a specific time that would cause the trolley to derail itself and save all people -or kill everyone, as Lorax remarks- but also adds that touching the switch allows for the killed person's family to sue him, so would likely not intervene. Lorax huffs that getting sued is nothing new for him.*

**"Mr. Ler, big fan. Cats or dogs?"**
*Once-ler jokes both taste equally fine, but Lorax doubts it's a joke and grunts disapprovingly.*

**"How tall is your hat, my guy?"**
*Once-ler replies not to have measured it.*

**"You find a genie lamp and get three wishes, what would you wish for?"**
*Once-ler contemplates turning himself into a genie so he may have infinite wishes. Lorax comments that was literally what the villain in Aladdin did.*
*Upon hearing this, Once-ler notes him on his earlier claim he's never watched any movies and calls him a liar. Lorax tries to save himself by saying he never watched television, but everyone's seen Disney's Aladdin in theaters, as it's a classic.*

**"If you had to eat one food for the rest of your life..?"**
*Once-ler says to enjoy meat, but knows he'd live longer if he picked a more vitamin-rich food and chooses Truffula fruit. Lorax is surprised by the decent answer.*

**"Mr. Ler, I want to be rich like you, please tell me where to start, should I buy stocks?"**
*Once-ler says he'd rather not create competition.*

**"New Thneed when?"**
*Once-ler announces that the "Thneed 2 ~ Buoy" will be coming out 3 months early, and on shelves the next.*

**"Is it true your mansion is made of Thneed?"**
*Once-ler clarifies the bricks are made of Truffula leafs and getting them this sturdy is a long heating process. Lorax growls many trees were killed for it as well.*

**"I just heard you talk about Al-Qaeda. What time period does playo this series?"**
*Lorax responds confused, but Once-ler explains it's a typo and the asker is referring to the genie lamp question. They discuss the time periods of the original Lorax story and that of Illumination's version, but neither of them can give a clear answer.*

**"I think you'd look handsome with a beard."**
*Once-ler gives his thanks and asks Lorax what he'd think. Lorax can't fake interest for the conversation, but shares the opinion he'll always prefer fur over baldness. Once-ler calls him a pervert, but states to respect his preference. Lorax asks if he may go home now, but is denied.*

**"Is your shoe?"**
*Lorax is tired of the bad questions, and requests some real ones if he's going to be held against his will.*

**"The animals of Truffula are unlike any animal on Earth. How could you take over their land like that without a hint of regret?"**
*Once-ler fakes shock and answers all animals are special and inhabit every corner of the world, where humans are forced to live and work alongside them. He says to try his very best to stay clear of the local wildlife, then turns to Lorax for confirmation, who is baffled the mentally insane man is attempting to get his support at all. Lorax starts another tirade, until Once-ler cuts him off to go to the next question.*

**"What inspired you to make Thneed?"**
*Once-ler replies money and that the details are in his book.*

**"What were you like as a kid?"**
*Once-ler replies great and that the details are in his book.*

**"Your greatest fear, Once-ler?"**
*Lorax says fake fur, then asks the asker why Once-ler would share that kind of info with anyone. Once-ler chuckles and moves on.*

**"Where can I send in suggestions and design ideas?"**
*Once-ler does not respond and instead asks Lorax if he'd grow out a beard. The sudden repeat of a question long passed catches him off-guard, but he says he can't grow out more hair than he already has.*

**"You like fashion, are you into other artsy stuff?"**
*Once-ler says to like the look of many things, but sees everything as nice decoration for the home, not something to be worshipped or pondered. He asks if Lorax has an interest in art, but Lorax says not to care for human-made works and nature is a better painter than any human has ever been. Once-ler lists a bunch of horrific truths found in nature and sarcastically agrees it's indeed beautiful.*

**"You strike me as the kind of guy who kisses his own reflection."**
*Once-ler assumes the question is for The Lorax, who responds that's clearly not the case, regardless, both ignore the question and move on.*

**"How many girlfriends you got?"**
*Once-ler turns to Lorax for this question. Lorax is again surprised to have the spotlight put on him and mutters what makes anyone think he has a girlfriend at all. Once-ler comments he's always surrounded by way too many bar-ba-loots to not raise anyone's eyebrows. He replies he's not a zoophile, but Once-ler assures him it's fine, since he's considered to be an animal. Lorax rejects that belief.*

**"Are you gay?"**
*Once-ler turns to Lorax for this question. He responds he usually is, but hasn't been for a while. The asker's intentions are ignored and both move on.*

**"Are you trans?"**
*Once-ler turns to Lorax for this question. After being informed what the term means, he responds not so.*
*Once-ler remarks people are free to ask about his Thneed brand, not extremely personal questions about Lorax' gender identity, though starts wondering why Lorax has a gender at all as a creature that's one of a kind by design.*

Once-ler wishes to end the podcast. Lorax remarks there weren't many questions and is hopeful it means Once-ler is losing his relevancy, but Once-ler says most questions are better left skipped. Lorax is given a glimpse of the list and responds disturbed.

Once-ler says his goodbye.

## See also

* The Biggering
* Not The Lorax by Illumination (Album)
* Gabriel Mann AI
* Danny DeVito AI