Van Stan

> "*NO WEAPONS AT VAN STAN'S!*"
> ― Van Stan[source]
>
>

A picture of Van Stan

The Man who comes from two places (Bill)

### Relatives

Can Stan (Uncle)Man Stan (Father)Toyota Stan (Mother)Tan Stan (Brother)Stan Stan (Grandpa)Bruce Stan (Brother)William Stan (Aunt)Lulu Stan (Sister)

### Affiliation

Lord Sam (Customer)King Channing (Customer)King Erc (Customer)Francine (Partner)Calliou (Used-to-be Partner)Tom Nook (Competitor)Voon Spoon (Competitor)Randy (Competitor)

## Biographical information

### Date of birth

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.

## Physical description

### Eye color

Green, sometimes Brown or Blue

**Origin:**

Van Stan is a strong-willed, and strong merchant in Cyrodiil. That's it.

**Personality:**

Van Stan is an extremely stubborn man, and he absolutely despises the idea of bringing weapons to his shop, and usually kills whoever does with either his club or sign (which ironically reads, "NO WEAPONS AT VAN STAN'S!").

**History:**

Van Stan was born in Texas on December 16th, 1968. He lived with his Mother (Toyota Stan) who loved to buy luxurious things, as well as hunt, his father, Man Stan, who enjoyed sitting on the couch and eating chips, his Grandfather, Stan Stan, arguably the toughest in the family, and Van Stan's main idol growing up, and inspiration. His Grandfather taught him everything he knew, and told Van Stan that weapons were great, but anyone who else but their family who used them, "were wimps". He also had a brother (Tan Stan), and a sister (Lulu Stan). In the year 2003, he married to unknown woman, who divorced him in 2015. He apparently, "doesn't regret the divorce in the slightest". He then accidentally took a mixed up flight to Nirn the same year, and ended up setting up shop there in Cyrodiil.

He eventually had a child. The last Stan. Charles Harlem Baloney Stan, who would go on to invent the key to immortality but unfortunately, no one believed him. So he kept it to himself, living forever.

**Fallout 76:**

Van Stan was one of the vault dwellers in Fallout 76, and journeyed the nuked world with his 'friend', Hedward Potato. He and Hedward had set out with the goal of eradicating the very small population of West Virginia.

**Financial History:**

Van Stan was notoriously brutal, and used to take people's money by force, but he eventually discovered a way to essentially bypass every known economic struggles using his silver tongue, and economic knowledge. He was able to invest money in the U.S's treasury by convincing the U.S's three branches (who seemed to have dropped in intelligence quite a lot), that if the U.S economy were to ever go in a state of being equivalent to an impoverish person, then he'd be able to save it with his already quite large amount of money. It was also quite easy to convince them considering he wasn't exactly lying completely. He indeed had the money to do it, just not the morals. He then journeyed across the United States buying every business he could, and driving them to financial ruin. He then also established a business that would make him the middle-man between any form of weapons and the military, where he would secretly send some to his family in Texas, and the rest were destroyed. When he finished with that, he took a secret flight to Texas, telling their leaders (who had ties with) to declare independence from the United States of America. They trusted Van Stan, and did as he had told them to, starting what normally would be a very easy war to win, but Van Stan, being a citizen of Texas and still owning all the businesses of the U.S, owned all the food (including the farms, as he had promised many things to the farmers if they gave him their deeds). Due to the military having little weapons and funding any more, The U.S was unable to do anything and let Texas become independent. Angry riots and mobs demanded many things from the government, who couldn't do anything to answer their needs, and the government was soon in complete chaos, and fell into shambles. Van Stan (under the identity of Voon Spoon, his arch-rival) answered the chaos by telling the Government that he would help them, if they added a new department of the White House, that intercepted the tax money from the people (of course using different words than that, tricking them). He then told North Korea's leader that the U.S was planning a war in a desperate attempt for salvation. North Korea responded by declaring war on the U.S (also seeming to have dropped even lower in intelligence) and due to the U.S's desperateness, they were unable to properly defend themselves, and perished. North Korea took the U.S over and rewarded Van Stan with the entire U.S treasury. Van Stan then activated all of the missiles in North Korea destroying them, and declaring the War of the Texas Expansion commencing. Texas took over the entire United States, as well as Guatemala for some reason. Van Stan was now rich beyond anyone on the Earth's comprehension, and reestablished all the businesses he had driven to financial ruin, getting even more income. He renamed everywhere in the Former United States of America to the United States of America, other than Texas which remained Texas, as well as the capital of the United States of America. Van Stan became the first and only president of The United States of America, and being quite a well respected one, despite his quite manipulative tendencies.

**Presidential Actions:**

* He abolished the second amendment
* He ended racism by telling everyone to stop
* He ended sexism by telling everyone to stop
* He ended every "ism" by telling everyone to stop.
* He renamed communism to Communissm so that it wouldn't fall into the previous category.
* He abolished the Electoral College, as well as the two main political parties, calling them "useless, and old fashioned."
* He made planting trees a necessity at least once a month, and established the "Free College Act of 1972", leaving many happy, and many confused.
* He established the act that gave a much more polite and welcoming background check into the U.S, unless they had weapons in which he killed them due to the
* "NO WEAPONS act", stating that no one could use weapons anymore, under penalty of death.
* He established excellent relations with Sweden. For no reason, he just liked Sweden.
* He established the "Save the F\*cking World Act", taking over every country that refused to comply with the new rules of putting an end to the oil industry, and other harmful things.
* He invested in a environment-friendly organization that created a substitute for plastic.
* He abolished Communism once he read more about it.
* He reformed Capitalism into a new form of government, and eventually just created Stanism.

Stanism was then the new government. Stanism focused on a type of society where the poor are given food and water based on how much work they do, and was criticized for partially relying on an honor system. The criticisms were misplaced however, due to everyone following the honor system out of fear.

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> "*Philosophy is useless. Just have one man tell another what to think and have them believe 'em. That man should be me, and the other, in this case, can be you. Philosophy exists so that old people have somethin' to think about other than the fact that for most men, life is solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.*"
> ― Van Stan[source]
>
>

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**Death:**

Van Stan died due to cause that is shrouded in mystery. His will said that he had died because he was done with life, which was first assumed to be depression, until his will also clarified it wasn't. It specified he simply chose to, confusing many. He also had He lived for a mighty 106 years on Earth, and apparently, his will was not only made out to himself, as he had suspected. It included one other person, although his will preferred said person to remain unnamed.

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**Random Facts:**

* His Favorite song is "No weapon formed against me shall prosper" by Fred Hammond. He's never heard the song, but he likes the title. His favorite song to listen to is "Rocky Mountain High" by John Denver.
* His favorite food is a good ol' burger.
* His favorite color is blue.
* He LOVES Sweden.
* His weapon of choice is his blunderbuss, but he also has a Stan Revolver (as he calls it), and many shotguns.
* Van Stan has given 89 different versions of this particular history, so this entire page is simply one of them. The only guaranteed facts are his date of birth, and the existence of Stan Stan.

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