No Work and All Cosplay

The Theater boyz are BACK! And THIS time, they are using their Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and Batman costume skills to impress the girls at the movies!

## Transcript

Since this sketch relies on impressions, these are noted in `<>`.
Matt: Another bleak Saturday afternoon, spent in the solitudes of concessions.
James: My dad said that if I got a date, he'd give me his car.
Jason: My dad said he'd give me his respect. Then he and my mom cried. It was awkward.
Matt: Come on, guys, we can't give up hope. Ah. Hope!
James: Hope!
Jason: Hope!

Natalie: I know it came out forever ago, but some of those characters from Lord of the Rings are so hot.
Tori: They're so hot! Can you imagine if one of them just like walked through the door right now?

Matt: Please tell me we still have those costumes in the custodial closet?
Jason: A true nerd is never more than 15 feet from cosplay. It's that way.

Natalie: I mean, seriously, all a guy would have to do is put on a blonde wig, put on pointy ears, I would be all over it!

*Coming through, strutting on your lanes, I'm about to do my thing, watch me take a picture, flick-flicka! Watch me do my thing, I'm-a do my thing, watch me do my thing, I'm about to do my thing, I keep see moving and a-grooving, and I ain't gonna stop till you watch me do my thing, I'm about to do my thing, ay!*

Matt: <Frodo Baggins> Here, take it. Take the ring. I can't bear being single any longer.
Tori: Um, I think our movie is starting, so we're gonna-
Jason: <Gandalf> You shall not pass!
Tori: What is wrong with you?
Jason: <Gandalf> I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm trying to date you.
Natalie: Oh. I guess that is weirdly flattering.
James: <Orc> Looks like meat's back on the menu, boys.
Jason: <Gandalf> Fly, you fools!

Matt: Meat's back on the menu?
James: That's the only orc I could think of!
Matt: You could've said "Yeah, what about them? They're fresh!", ah, nevermind, that's worse.

Mallory: Call me oldschool, but I still have a huge crush on those Hogwarts boys.

Matt: Oh, we're about to be J.K. Rowling in honeys!
James: No, guys! I can't do this!
Jason: Relax, James! Hogwart boys! Nobody can misunderstand that!

Mallory: Even Harry's scar was hot.
Whitney: But Ron Weasley, though? Ugh! Pour me a drunk of that ginger ale!
Mallory: Yes, right?

*Watch me do my thing, I'm-a do my thing, yeah, watch me do my thing, I'm about to do my thing, I keep see moving and a-grooving, and I ain't gonna stop till you spectators and haters join the show, yo, watch it!*

Jason: <Severus Snape> Hello, ladies.
Matt: <Voldemort> You two are the most beautiful, filthy Mudbloods I have ever seen.
Mallory: Aren't you that awkward kid from my social studies class? Matt?
Jason: <Severus Snape> How dare you speak the Dark Lord's name?
Mallory: What do you creeps want?
Matt: <Voldemort> Go on a date with us. Or I will kill your parents.
Whitney: You guys are seriously the weirdest people ever.
James: <Dolores Umbridge> Mhm. You must not tell lies! Or I will make you inscribe bloody messages on your hands for punishment!
Whitney: Stop it!
James: <Dolores Umbridge> The Ministry shall hear of this!

Matt: I don't remember having an Umbridge costume.
James: <Dolores Umbridge> Hmm-hmm-hmm!
Jason: That's it! No more dressing up!

Alena Helzer: Seriously, I freaking love Batman.

Matt: No, Jason, you just said no more!
James: <Dolores Umbridge> And you mustn't tell lies, Jason!
Jason: Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Batman!
Matt: Batman!
James: Batman!

Kayla Yentes: Where are the employees?
Jason: <The Joker> Well, hello, beautiful. Owww, owww. Ow, ow, ow.
Matt: <Robin> Holy loneliness, Batman! They left already?
James: <Catwoman> What? <Normal> They left? Well, now I just look ridiculous!

*I'm about to do my thing, hey!*

## Trivia

* This sketch was performed early 2011, as part of Divine Comedy, with Matt Meese, Jason Gray, Mallory Everton, Whitney (Call) Meek, and Natalie Madsen performing in both versions of the sketch. However, in the prior version, the segment surrounding *Batman* was originally filled in by costumes of *Pirates of the Caribbean*.