Karutaar's Letters

Karutaar's letters are a series of letters addressed to her family.

"My little brother,

If you are reading this, then my soul is no longer bound to this world, ~~or you’ve gone through my shit as you always used to.~~ Either way, there is so much I wish I could have said to you, and I can’t say truthfully that I never had the chance, just that I was too much of a coward to do it. I know you have resented me these past years for what I did to Elodran, and I could never hold that against you. But I need you to know that I did it out of love for him, and all of you. I gave him mercy. I’m not asking for your forgiveness, and I dont expect you to give it, but I needed you to know. I was a child then, and all I wanted was to keep as much of my family safe as I could. That goal never changed, not even in my last breath.

You can only trust so many people, and you can never trust them fully. The position you have been put in is a dangerous one, and you have to be so, so careful. Keep our family close, and your enemies even closer. I do not think Athil can be trusted, so let him believe that you trust him fully. I don’t know what his intentions are, so you need to find out. The Revenants will help you, and I believe that you can trust Zeviro, ~~Akoah~~, and Anders. If I had the time to do so, I will have ordered Belo to be your sworn shield, and so you can, and should, trust him. This path that you have started down has put not only your life in danger, but all those around you. You need to find truly loyal protectors, like I would have been, if I had been allowed to live that long. Do not be a fool. There are many things I had to answer for in my life, and if I have not tied up my loose ends, then they may come for you. Be on your guard, always. I am sorry that your life has taken this path. You may be pleased about it now, but should you end up ruling, it will take a toll on you, and you will not be the same man that you are now. So remember to be kind, and just. Aim for peace, not war. Rely on the advice of those around you, but use your own head too, please. You must burn this letter once you’ve read it. There are people that would use it against you, should it somehow fall into their hands.

I wanted to apologise, for all that has happened. I should confess to you, if I haven’t done so already, about what happened to Lucia. To start, I am not, and never will be, sorry that I married her. I know it pained you, but it was what we wanted, and the time she had meant the world to me. But I know you loved her too, and that is why you deserve this explanation. She died not at my hands, but some of the blame does lay with me. My foolishness and cowardice allowed her to die whilst I hid, and that is one of the biggest regrets of my life. But Lord Outrider Filip, my teacher on The Shield, had a hand in her death too, and so I killed him. I believe that Prince Amos had a part to play too, although I never had the chance to confirm it. Do not chase these answers, let this mystery die with me. It will only bring you unnecessary pain, as it has for me. I am sorry that we will never know the truth to her death, but it isn’t important anymore. I just wanted you to know.

I have many regrets, but I would not change a thing in my life, because it has led to this. I had found a new purpose in my life, and I wish I could have pursued it, but I know that there are people who will continue to protect you for me.

Be brave, and continue on. I’m watching over you, with Elodran and Lucia now. I love you.

Your big sister, Karutaar."

### Dharri's Letter

The letter states:

"My big brother,

If you are reading this, then my soul is no longer bound to this world. I am sorry that I have left you all so soon, but I know you will be fine without me. I am so proud of you for finding a place in this Empire, despite its treatment of you. You are stronger than you know, and I am fully confident that you will be able to take care of the others. But at the same time, when this is all said and done, I hope you find a place that truly accepts you. I hope Lakiir creates that world for you.

I want to thank you, for never judging me. I know what I have done, what I have become, is not what any of us expected, but it makes me so happy that you stood by me always. I apologise for what I did, and what I put you through, with Elodran, but I believe that you have always understood the decisions I made. I tried my best, always. And I know you did too.

Please look after Loraya. Lakiir will have many enemies, but also many people watching out for him. But Loraya is just a child, and you and Kara are the closest thing she has to parents. I know it is an unfair thing to ask, but you have never shied away from this responsibility before. I am only sorry that I will not be here to help.

I trust in your judgement of people, but I would ask that you watch those you surround yourself with closely. I know Athil offers protection, but he is here for Lakiir, not the rest of you. I fear that if putting you all in danger would get him one step closer to his goal, he would do it without hesitation, especially with me no longer here to stop him. So make sure you are protecting yourself. As I have said to Lakiir in his letter, I will say to you in yours. My friends, The Revenants, will protect you, if they value my friendship as much as I think they do. Rely on them. Zeviro reminds me so much of you, and I think you would get along. Anders can be odd, but I trust him with my life, so don’t let his strange little antics fool you, he can be trusted. ~~Akoah is newer, but I think he is with us. Be careful with him, but be kind. I think he could be a good ally, and friend.~~

Sorry that your letter is shorter than the others, but know this is not because I don’t care. It is because I know you have never doubted me, and never thought I have anything to apologise for. You are less in need of my words than the others, but I love you all the same. You will be fine, as you always have been.

Be careful, and when this is over, live your life, finally. Don’t let your family hold you back, they will all be grown by then. But for now, watch over them, and I will watch over you all.

Your little sister, Karutaar."

### Kagara's Letter

The letter states:

"My sister, my twin,

If you are reading this, then my soul is no longer bound to this world. I am sorry for leaving you alone in this world, when we have always been tied so closely together. In our childhood, you were my closest companion, and I miss the days back home. Do you remember when we used to trick mama into thinking we were each other? Look back on those memories of me, I beg you, and not so much of what came after.

Thank you, for all you did when we came to the Empire. We would not have survived without you, and I never made it clear how grateful I was. You were mother to us all, when mama could not be, and I see now how much of a sacrifice that was. It is unfair of me to ask, but I hope you will continue to look after them. I know mamahas gotten a little better, but she is still not the woman she used to be. Maybe that will change now that I am gone, maybe now she will finally be happy again. But if she is not, then I am sorry that the burden still falls on you. I have asked Dharri the same, so count on each other, as you always have.

As for your wedding, you are owed an apology that I was too much of a coward to give. I was wrong about Dain, and I had no right to ruin your day like that. I wish I could make it up to you, but this is all I can offer. I hope you get the life you dreamed of one day, and if you do have the daughter you’ve always wanted, ~~you better name her Kat~~ I hope her life is filled with the joy we experienced in our youth. But please, only tell her the good things about her aunty Kat. And by the gods, please don’t raise her in the Empire, even if Lakiir does manage to fix it. I fear our family has suffered enough in that place, and there are so few good memories there.

The biggest apology I have for you is Elodran and mama. What happened to both of them is my fault, that has never been up for debate. I still stand by my belief that I made the right choice in that moment, but the consequences of it have haunted me until my last breath. I know when I left for The Shield, mama got better, and so I am sorry that I didn’t leave sooner. My presence in that house made us all suffer. I hope you can forgive me for it, but I don’t expect it, and I don’t think I deserve it. I will look after Elodran this time, I promise, and hopefully mama can look after you all.

I have said it to Dharri and Lakiir, and I will of course say it to you as well. My friends will watch over you, if you would ask it of them. I put your lives in their hands, they are the only ones I trust. Zeviro, ~~Akoah~~ and Anders, you know them - they were at our birthday. If you need The Revenants help, they will be there, if not because they are good people, then hopefully because they know how much I care, for both them and all of you. I would like you all to get along, even in my absence.

I offer this to you alone, because you are my twin, and so are one half of me. Zeviro is working on a spell that allows people to see the memories of others. Maybe one day, he will be able to make it so it works to see the memories of the dead - I believe he can, he’s smarter than anyone I’ve ever met. If he does, your hair will let you see mine - we are made of the same stuff. I want you to see it, and know the things that I cannot put into words. And I want you to show it to my friends, if they wish to see. My fondest memories will be of you all, but I would like to believe that that goes without saying. I will miss you, more than you could know. I love you.

Your twin, Karutaar."

### Loraya's Letter

The letter states:

"My little sister,

I am sorry you have to read this, I never hoped you would. Know that I never intended to leave you, but sometimes these things are out of our control. This world can be cruel, which is why it needs more people like you in it, and less of people like me. You are so kind, so good, and I hope this does not change you.

You were so young when everything changed for us, and I know you don’t remember a thing of it. Maybe this is what makes you still believe in the good in this world, but I don’t think it’s fair that you’ve never been told. I will not write it all out here, but I will say that you should ask Kara and Dharri about where you come from. You should ask them about someone called Elodran, and I hope when you hear the tale, you will understand, and you will not judge me. Know that all I have ever wanted is to keep our family safe.

I’m sorry for leaving when you were so little, I know it was hard for you to understand. I missed seeing you grow up, and I will regret that forever. You were the most adorable baby, and you used to sleep in a pot hanging over a fire we never lit, and I rocked you to sleep every night, did you know that? I wish you could have experienced a childhood in Xhebaris, instead of in that hovel in Aum. You deserve a life full of colour. That is one thing I am grateful for, that Athil gave you a nice home.

I never told you about this before, but I have a friend I think you should meet. Her name is Elira, and she is a Lightbringer on The Shield. I know it’s your dream to be one, and I think you would be wonderful at it. My friends may be able to help you meet her, and I hope she can guide you down that path.

Please, do not let this world change you. The journey will be hard, and I will not be there to protect you, but I know you can get through it. But please, be careful. It is more dangerous than you know. I don't want to scare you, but you need to be careful. Our family has been put in a dangerous position, but there are people who want to keep you safe. My friends will be there for you. ~~You spoke to one of them a lot at my birthday, Akoah. You seemed to like each other.~~ Zeviro and Anders are kind, but strong as well. They will keep you safe.

I love you, and I am so sorry that I’m no longer here. But I will be watching over you. Never change.

Your big sister, Karutaar."

### Odoma's Letter

The letter states:

"Mama,

I don’t even know if you’ll want to read this letter, but I have to say these things. I know our relationship has been, for lack of a better word, complicated. I know you will never forgive me, but I am sorry anyway. But you have things to be sorry for too.

I stole your life from you, but you stole ours as well. I never understood what happened, what went through your head when you decided to take us to the Empire. We could have run further into Xhebaris, we had the money. What were you so scared of there? Did you know even then, about Lakiir and his father? Were you trying to run from that, or was it something else entirely? A life in the Empire was never a possibility for me, for Kara, for Dharri. We were forced to be outcasts the moment we passed through The Shield. The Empire doesn’t welcome people like us, and you knew it. You still had your mind then, so what were you thinking? It’s pointless to ask now, I know. I will never get the answers I want in my grave, but you would never have answered even if I had asked when I was alive. But the others want to know as much as I do, and they deserve an explanation.

I need you to know I don’t regret what happened with Elodran. I am sorry for it, but I know I did the right thing. It’s not fair, how you treated me for it. Anger, grief, I would understand, but hatred? I was a child, *your* child. I wish there had been another way, but there wasn’t. I know you were happy when I left for The Shield, that you got better, started talking again when I left. But forget about me, it was too little, too late for the rest of them. Your other children needed you, but you could only ever live in your head with Elodran.

Perhaps you will be happy now that I am dead. I remember Kara told me once in a letter after I left, that you hoped I died out there on The Shield. Now I am gone, and maybe you can finally live. I hope you are a better mother to them now. You need to be there for Lakiir, to help and guide him for what is to come. But I hope for a time, you can keep your hatred of me at bay, an let my siblings mourn in peace. They deserve that much.

Despite it all, I love you still. I don’t know if you could say the same. I hope that one day, you can see how hard I worked to keep our family safe. Forgiveness is impossible for you, I know. But maybe neutrality isn’t.

Goodbye, mama. I will look after Elodran now, as much as that may pain you. But I loved him too.

Karutaar."

## Readers

Anders is the only other person, besides Karutaar herself, who has read the letters. He found them in her bag after going mad with paranoia, and confessed that he had read them. This led Karutaar to grow angry with him, especially when he asked who Elodran is.