recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
Enter the Mother, Part 1

*Do you remember the first time you took a long trip away from home, and then came back, and found some small detail had changed? Maybe the 7-Eleven repainted the lines in the parking lot, or your dentist was arrested for arson. Whatever it was, that small detail told you that home had, and would always, move on without you.*

*This episode is like that, but instead of the parking lot thing it's that the entire Soaking Valley is in the thrall of Mother. Whoops!*

## Summary

The party beholds the Soaking Valley where Mother has extended fleshy veins throughout the city, implanting fleshy growths onto the populace that turn them into mindless drones. One of her brainwashed members approaches them and invites them to come by "kissed" by Mother. He tries to drag Albee into town but they fight him off before Cordelia incinerates him with her magic. Several more drones react with painful noses and come after them, but Bellow thinks to slash off one of the growths. He frees Greg Proops, who attempts to flee in horror but Albee interrogates him while the others fend off the swarming locals. Greg explains that strange seeds left at the prison grew out and slowly took over before it came to rule the city.

Bursts of flame shoot out of the woods, burning up the remaining drones. The part sees a scarred, fully grown gnome with a steampunk cannon arm, quickly realizing that this is Peepus that they left behind months ago. He explains that gnomes grow up very quickly, living as little old men for the bulk of their lives. He was raised by the animals, growing up tough and cold while vowing to one day kill the family that abandoned him here. Bellow admits that it was them and Peepus attacks them, but Bellow lifts him off the ground to incapacitate him. Stirfry insists that he was too weak to take with them on their adventures, so they distracted Kebin, allowing Peepus to survive and toughen up without them. Peepus bitterly accepts this as the case and leads them to one of the secret entrances to the sewers. He warns them that Mother keeps things clean and orderly, so that any tunnels that smell nice are dangerous compared to the mess they travel in. The party attempts to hide in the tunnels (as the word "magic"), but they are discovered by a disheveled Scrum Fabulous, who introduces himself as the leader of the freedom fighters working against Mother.

## Quotes

* "*It smells like standing water and stale dreams that got fucked up by a bad guy. Some of this I wrote in advance and some it's on the fly. Which is which? You’ll never know!*" - Branson Reese
* "*If you avoid a fight, the fight finds you. Never avoid a fight. Unless you're… wait…”*-Stirfry
* *"Catch is a gentleman’s game and a lady’s pleasure."*-Stirfry

## Links

Episode: https://omny.fm/shows/rude-tales-of-magic/enter-the-mother-part-1
Dodge Duranga

One of the orc sisters who aid the party in Breaking Dawn. She rides through The Trashlands on a dire dragonfly alongside Canyonera and Natalie Armpits, checking in on the group after their violent encounter with a swarm of dire bats. She wears a spiked football helmet to set her apart from the group.

She also goes by Dodge, Duranga, Cordelia, or anything else you want to call her. She also believes that names are fake, hitting it off with Cordelia very quickly. She and her sisters lead with them to Riddle Guy and enjoys the festivities. She flirts with Bellow during the festival but is politely turned down.

She assumes that the party knows about the final ceremony, only to find out that Stirfry is not as thrilled by the honor of becoming a sacrifice. Realizing that the party is not okay with the idea, she quickly helps them stop her sister. By the end of the ceremony, she is part of the massive celebration to Thunderlingus' show when Bellow gives her a kiss for her trouble.

## Trivia

* Like her sister Canyonera, Dodge's name is a play on a type of car. She is a play on the SUV Dodge Durango.
Come At the King: Chapter 3

*From low life hit men to haute couture fisticuffs, this week our not-so-merry band of journeymen killers-for-hire bounce from frying pan to fire as they find a way to turn even the acts of sleeping and buying a new shirt into high stakes emotional battles of life, death and of course...FASHION. hon hon hon.*

## Summary

The party decides to turn in for the night, though few of them trust each other enough to be left alone. They agree to return to Smellulus’ house, being the largest and most comfortable (if somewhat depressing). Deli and Torrin sleep in Smellulus’ room while the rest sleep on the couch or floor. During the night, an assassin appears and tries to stab Smellulus in his sleep. With Torrin sleeping in his bed instead, she is a much smaller target and he misses her in the confusion.

The assailant is revealed as Unhittable Babylon Brown, an assassin that was ruined due to Smellulus catching him evading paying his taxes. He attacks the party on his way after Smellulus, avoiding everything they throw at him. He finally reached Smellulus and proves that he not only can’t hit the loxodon, but fails to hit a glass that Smellulus offers him. The party relaxes to realize he literally can’t hit anything due to a curse put upon him. He is unable to be hit or to hit anything, which lost him his job as an assassin and made him unable to pay his taxes. He blames Smellulus but proves unable to finish the job of killing him.  The party talks to UBB, trying to dissuade him from his target and recruit him in helping them with their goal. Babylon pieces together their plan and refuses before escaping into the night.

The next day, the party goes to Robespierre's, a local clothing store where they can buy some fine attire for The Power Ball. They meet with Jean-Luc Robespierre, the proprietor who fits them with their respective outfits. Torrin and Deli are fitted with a toga with Torrin standing on the harpy's shoulders. Grimothee was fitted with a hat and suit while Butter is given a mesh suit. As the last to go, Smellulus comments on how it's finally his turn. Jean-Luc immediately gets offended and escalates things until he assigns Smellulus with a clown costume while bombarding him with insults. Smellulus feels outraged and betrayed, trying to attack Jean-Luc with his tusks. The drow summons his scarves to him and undergoes a transformation into an incredibly fashionable outfit while dropping the clown outfit onto Smellulus. Dejected and furious, Smellulus concedes to his fate as they leave to find The Power Ball.

## Link

https://rudetalesofmagic.simplecast.com/episodes/miniseries-come-at-the-king-chapter-3
Pinflip Poe

The crimson dragon of the 2nd century. He once boasted to have obtained all knowledge in existence, selling his advice to those who would listen. This encouraged the belief that dragons are particularly wise and enlightened, but it was quickly soured when he died from drinking molten poison assuming he would be fine.

His story is mentioned in Encyclopedia Cordelia.
Boss Possum

An overweight possum humanoid and mayor of Froggy Creek. He became the mayor because he wanted to do the least amount of work in town, giving him the easiest job. He compulsively speaks in metaphors concerning food and cannibalism despite never eating sentient creatures (he considers possums sentient).

He welcomes the party into his town and lets them enjoy their food and resources before they discover that the town is planning to turn them in for their bounties. Things break into a fight as the party flees for their lives, with Boss Possum cornering Stirfry. He tries to capture Stirfry but he ends up stabbing him to death in a frenzy before Bellow has to drag him off his dying body.

He has a sister Marionette and a mother named Fairhope.
Godzilla

One of the many monsters that appear during the fight for New York in Blood Tales of Depravity 2: Mummy Issues. He arrives while the party and their allies fight against the mummies. While his exact part in the fight is unclear, he appears to take part in the battle alongside/against Big Frank while they are "off screen."
Bold Henry

A would-be novelist and employee at Flammable Rock Holdings. He appears in Blackbird Singing in the Dead of Night. He makes every attempt to share or pitch his novel and got his job through his uncle. Despite his position, he is nearly broke and steals from the company to make ends meet.

By the end of the adventure, Bold Henry uses the distraction of Father Time's attack to steal food from the party. This inspires him to create the microwavable jacket, an invention that earns him millions and lets him finally stay home and work on his novel.
Lake Somebody

The birthplace of Virginia the Witch Hunter. In Revelations 2: 2Rev2lations: Final Revelation, we see in a flashback that Virgina grew up there with her family. The witch that slumbered beneath Lake Somebody, Wehadababyitsaboy, awoke and devoured several children before Virginia discovered her true name and defeated her.
Anatomy’s Mortuary

The town morgue in Fort Casual. It is run by Rainn Anatomies, who also uses it to conduct secret experiments and pursue his conspiracy theories. It has hidden chambers with a number of forbidden texts that produce mist of their own accord. The chamber is accessed by pulling the fingerbone on a particular tiefling skeleton.

The party investigates the mortuary when it starts to glow during his experiments on soil from the Teenage Woods.
Dial E for Elf

*When a rich, protestant elf gets epsteined(murdered) at the posh Lindseyngham Manor, our heroes must become the crack investigators they were always meant to be. Listen as they ruthlessly interrogate witnesses, brilliantly analyze evidence, and work as a team to explore all the potential angles in this well-structured whodunit!*

 Episode 4 of Rude Tales of Magic.

The previous episode was Mother Knows Best. The next episode on the feed is Fools Crush In however that was a live show and therefore not canon. The next canon episode was When You're Here.

## Summary

The elves from last session explain their situation to the party. They are twin siblings Addison and Buckley Lindseyngham at Lindseyngham Manor, a wealthy estate where their brother, Vance Lindseyngham was recently murdered. No one at the manor trusts each other, so they need a neutral party to find the killer. When offered a thousand gold pieces, the party agrees to come along.

The party goes through Lindseyngham Manor, questioning the family and staff. When inspecting the body of the deceased Linseyngham, De Bonesby uses Detect Magic and is able to see Cordelia’s infernal magic for the first time. Apart from learning various gossip about crushes and grudges, they’re unable to find an answer. They’re sent to share a room with their latest houseguest Blaine (an overly polite and calm man) before they are called to reveal the killer in front of all the suspects. The party stalls for time until they realize that the body was completely drained of its blood and that Count Ivan Gretsky had mentioned drinking from an elf on their travels.

Blaine throws off his disguise to reveal he is Count Ivan, praising their deductive skills. The Lindseynghams all prepare to murder him in revenge, but the party gives up their reward in exchange for Ivan’s life. The Lindseynghams offer to give them Pubic, their house goblin, in exchange for Peepiss, but they decline before being escorted off the premises.

In a post-credits scene, we visit a bar in The Soaking Valley. A mysterious woman drinks as the dwarf Rochambeau attempts to flirt with her. She ignores him and studies a for a while before she cuts his throat and is kicked out of the bar by Moira Thousand. We see that her note describes the party members and that if she kills them, she will be "freed."

## Link

https://rudetalesofmagic.simplecast.com/episodes/elf-harm
Merde

A goblin who works for Jean-Luc Robespierre at Robespierre's. He takes measurements and fetches fabric for the drow designer. He works alongside Bidet and seems to exclusively say "Hon hon hon!" in an overly French laugh.

Jean-Luc ultimately fires them both in a post-credits scene, though this is so they can avoid being caught up in the royal guards coming for him.

## Trivia

* In keeping with the vulgar names of most goblins, "merde" is a French curse word.
Franky Chesterfield

*"Of the Pasadena Chesterfields."*

An eccentric Brujah vampire in Blood Tales of Depravity played by Ali Fisher . She lives a nomadic lifestyle by living out of her car and is quick to get into a fight. She was born in the 40s and wears a leather jacket that says "Looking for Mr. Bite." She is an "alley cat," meaning she hunts humans directly. She wields a switchblade recklessly, which is responsible for many of her scars. These scars include the words "Yes" and "I do" that were carved into her stomach.

## Assets and Abilities

* Bloodhound: she can smell the humors of nearby humans.
* Fake ID
* A White '59 Impala named Lucille
* Capable with her fists and a switchblade
* A leftover hamburger. Responsible for briefly incapacitating Ingenue Damnation
Ginger

A little girl who is assigned a guardian angel from Heaven. To her great confusion, it is Stirfry.

She first appears in the post-credits scene of Boy Do We Ever Have Such Sights! with Stirfry emerging from her closet. She continues to appear in the series in cutaways of Stirfry trying to help her have fun and stay alive while earning himself more benefits in Heaven. Only she can see him, leading to much confusion from her neighbors.

## Trivia

* She has a fascination with the Peter Purity series.
* Stirfry assumes that Ginny is short for Gintleman.
Anastasia

A woman that Lancelot Platt spends an evening with at the start of Beans and Revelry. She leaves for church as Lancelot leaps out her window and onto his horse.

Having been recently widowed when her husband died in a horse racing accident, she is much more loose and indulgent than most ladies of her status. Rumor has it that Cornelius Chesterfield and Catherine Chesterfield were seen leaping out of her window after a steamy evening of their own.
Cordelia Junior

*"I've always relied on the kindness of strangers."*

A demonic imp and Cordelia Sasquatch's familiar. He takes the form of an old cat with a tuxedo pattern to avoid drawing attention. While he already has an unpronounceable demonic name, he allows Cordelia to name him "Cordelia Junior." Cheddar summons him and assigns him to serve Cordelia as part of their contract. Cordelia calls him Junior for short.

Junior is superficially charming and polite, but shows little interest in Cordelia's well-being. He requires Cordelia's permission to take any sort of actions outside of Hell, but he holds opinions and a will of his own. Given that he seems to have at least human intelligence, he takes offense to being treated as a pet.
Junior is magically bound to Cordelia, so he can speak with her telepathically over short distances. It physically pains him to be far away from her outside of Hell. He says he has no fear of dying, because he isn't alive and can simply respawn. He can also alter his appearance at will, such as sprouting wings, even though he can levitate without them.

## Quotes

* "I've always relied on the kindness of EAT SHIT!"
* "Sugar, you seem to have gotten yourself into- oh shit, wassup?"

## Trivia

* Junior's real name is unpronounceable, but when he tells it to the party it comes off as a strange series of noises played on top of each other.
* Junior makes passing mention that he did not transform into a cat, but entered the body of an already living one. He says it's best not to think about what this meant for the cat.
* When the party's bodies get swapped, Junior is entirely unconcerned with who is "really" inside Cordelia's body and serves whoever lives inside her.
* Despite his subservient nature, Junior is far from the bottom of the infernal hierarchy and suggests that there is no true hierarchy in Hell. When Junior flicks away the otherwise powerful demon Pebis he says "it's a rock paper scissors situation," explaining why Junior was able to overpower a demon that his direct superior Cheddar had no power over.
Fanboat

An almost spherical halfling who works for Amber Ale Assembleaux in Come At The King. He wears many rings and shiny objects, which are torn off his body by Deli before Branson can finish introducing him. All that remains is his "backup ring" he keeps taped to his back.

Fanboat speaks with a Cajun accent befitting of a Larroquette local. He commands many of Amber's assembled men when he finds the party trying to enter the Assembleaux factory.

Fanboat acts as the judge when Asssembleaux captures the party and puts them to trial. He promises to be impartial despite his boss acting as the prosecutor. When Butter St. Beef acts as their lawyer, he suddenly snaps and slashes Fanboat with his horns. He hides for the final battle with Assembleaux, but Deli steals his backup ring while he is injured.
After the battle is over, he reappears and surrenders his loyalty to the deceased Amber-Ale. He offers to take over the factory to make an overly sugary syrup called Doctor's Delight instead of assembled men. He also provides Grimothee with a file containing records of his past before awkwardly waiting for them to leave.
Little Guy Catering

A catering business staffed by halflings that serves at The Power Ball. They dress in simple black and white outfits with their higher-ranking servers dressing in shiny purple vests. The vests are known to attract harpies, so they have practiced defensive maneuvers for such occasions. At the command of their leader, the halflings will leap at each other and cling together for form a “Voltron-esque” formation.

When Torrin goes looking for The Beautiful Avoider during The Power Ball, she sneaks into the kitchen expecting him to be held there. She is stopped by a lead caterer, who she convinces she simply wanted to have an early taste of the child they’re about to eat. The halfling sympathizes and explains that they’re kept elsewhere. Torrin is about to leave when Deli (hiding under her toga) sees the shiny vest and attempts to tear it from his body. The halflings go into their defensive formation, fending Deli off long enough for Torrin to grab her and run away.

While aware of the purpose of The Power Ball, the caterers have no part in the ritualistic killing and eating of a child. They once had, but they would often set the child free out of solidarity. Ever since, they strictly handle the normal food and have their memories magically removed concerning the events inside. These memories are returned at the start of each Power Ball to allow them to work at the function.

During the final Power Ball, the chaos that ensues leaves no one to wipe the caterers memories. The purple-vested halfling appears before the emperor, threatening to reveal the nature of the cannibalistic ritual to the press without a 30 million gold a year bribe. At first he is thrown in the dungeon until Sundown Samara advises to simply pay the gold.

The delay leads to his comrades revealing the news to the public, but all it did was instill even more fear in the citizens.
Alcatraz

One of the few surviving sasquatches in the world and Cordelia's biological father. The two quickly recognize each other in the episode Relics when he arrives in his hollowed out mastodon van Wooly. He is a balding, rail-thin, gray-furred, 8-foot tall sasquatch. He wears faded denim, behaves and speaks like a burnout, and admits to having been arrested hundreds of times. His personality is extremely laid back and open-minded. This often leads to him coming across as confused, forgetful, or simply high. He says that his friends calls him Al for short, and invites the party to do the same, although their constant questioning and Albee and Stirfry's ambient anxiety in particular leave him "stressed out."

He is happy to meet Cordelia, having abandoned her as a child per usual sasquatch tradition, but is ready to say his goodbyes after only a few minutes. He explains that Cordelia was left to survive on her own and make her own decisions while he traveled the world. He explains that all sasquatches are raised like this; free from the hangups, neuroses, and patterns of behavior they might pick up parents. When the group asks to come along, he offers to bring them to The Woods Beyond the Woods, where sasquatches have been hiding out due to the enormous bounty promised by the Callstones which have caused a massive increase in sasquatch hunting. After Cordelia explains that she's "The Beast" of the Callstones whose bounty has led to the seismic increase in sasquatch hunting Al hugs her, overcome with pride in his daughter for fighting "the man" and taking on "The Great Satan."

He is "not a calendar guy" and does not know his own age but estimates it at "35." This is the same as Cordelia's estimation of her own age, casting heavy doubt on its accuracy. Al is completely unbothered by this, even suggesting that it might be "cool" if he and his daughter were the same age.

Alcatraz once broke his wrist and it healed strangely. This allows him to rotate his hand completely around at will, and he uses it to teach Bellow how t "spinulate."

## Trivia

* Alcatraz shares his name with the famous real world prison.
* Alcatraz doesn't remember the name of Cordelia's mother, but recognizes some of her features on his daughter.
* Alcatraz originally intended to attend Riddle Guy, but the guy with his tickets took an arrow to the knee and had to become a city guard.
* Al is willing to try anything once. This includes being stabbed in the heart, which put him into a coma until he was revived after a great battle where he was assumed to be one of the casualties.
Caleb Dark

A half-werewolf, half-vampire played by Joe Lepore in HALLOWEEN SPECIAL: Blood Tales of Depravity 2: Mummy Issues. He is conventionally handsome and muscular, even when he turns into his werewolf form. He is helpful, well-liked by many other monsters as he tends to attempt peaceful resolution before resorting to violence. It is only revealed that he is half-vampire by his father Tony. He is heavily based on the werewolves from Twilight.

At the start of their adventure, he is still getting over a breakup with his vampire girlfriend. He recovers when he meets The Bride and quickly falls in love.
Ramona Didi

A beautiful woman with a "badass haircut" and very levelheaded wizard in Danica Town. Little Pile refers the party to her for assistance in reaching the bell tower in Ruleshaven. She is an ally of The Ruleshaven Liberation Army, though she does it very casually.

Ramona is a high-level wizard, more powerful than Frederick de Bonesby when they meet. She agrees to lend them some scrolls and spells while directing them on how to use the catapult to reach the tower. She returns with the RLA when Brian Fuck attacks the city.

She once lived as a prankster in The Switchblades before visiting Danica Town, becoming bound to live there as a citizen when she stayed for too long.
Fairhope

A young possum woman in Froggy Creek. She is the mother of Boss Possum and Marionette.

The party finds her relaxing on a rocking chair and offering to show them "a trick what's against the law." She proceeds to show them her pretending to remove her thumb, but when Albee is unimpressed, Fairhope actually removes her thumb and throws it into the air, saying it will become a star. Removing her thumb does not bleed, because she understands the trick is to focus on not bleeding. She passed this trick on to Boss Possum, who uses the same trick to prevent bleeding when he battles Stirfry.
Chaste Tools

*"I'M THE POLYAMOROUS SHIP CAPTAIN, AND I'M BEGGIN' YA PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!"*

A shipping vessel's captain that the crew encounters in O Captain, My Captain. Upon hijacking his vessel, he loudly and at great length pleads for them to spare him until they hesitantly accept.

Chaste is a bearded human with numerous wives. While an introvert, he tends to share far too much about himself to strangers. He is 41 years old, but 39 (something happened).

He continues to plead and describe his home life for the entire journey to Brian Doyle Falls. When the party spares him and finally gets off the boat, he announces that it was a ruse. The pressure of polygamy drove him mad and he drives off a waterfall, intending to drive off the edge of the world and kill himself. He breaks his neck but it mends itself, causing him to ponder if he was magic all along.

## Wives

* Marvela
* Symphony
* Sympathy
* Sophie Choice
* The Incredible Diana
* Pathy
* Cowfabrow
* Werewolfica
* History Knower
* The Rachel
* Dutaba
* Forks
* Knives
* Baby Jessica
Larroquette

A nation south of The Cordelian Empire. The two had been at war in what is known as The War of the Song for a several years before the empire's fall. When their loss seemed imminent, Snake Professional interferes to sabotage the empire by hiring assassins to kill Emperor Nog Romansky.

The country is generally depicted like the southern United States. Locals tend to speak with Cajun accents and maintain a laid back but wary nature. It is the home of the Assembleaux factory, where all assembled men are made. While Payola is more prone to using magic, parts of Larroquette are known to be distinctly more steampunk to the point where local wildlife may be made of gears and steam pipes.

## Trivia

* It's believed that the stuffy weather is caused by an assassinated god collapsing on their controls of the weather and leaving them stuck on humid.
* Larroquette is ruled by a king. It is an elected position chosen by a mandatory lottery. They are considered to have little power in the land. Once elected, they serve for eight years before being immediately executed.
Samantha

A deceased member of The Riddled Remnant. She was mutilated in the group's escape from Riddle Guy, but somehow remained a talking decapitated head that begs for death and can say her name.

Thunk carries the bodyparts of their fallen comrades around and she appears to be the only one that can talk. They refused to kill her despite her pleads, but she finally gets her wish when they are attacked by Doctor Dilemma. Her teammates throw her head at him and she breaks into pieces when she hits his forcefield, croaking out a final thank you.
Little Pile

Ulcer Anatomies' contact in Danica Town. An unremarkable looking man, he spends much of his time drinking at The Reverse Cuckold with his brothers Big Pile and Medium Pile.
Upon mentioning Ulcer's name, Little gladly lends ideas to help the party escape Danica Town. He also connects them to Ramona Didi to help in their escape plan.
Bellyass the Wise

The third ruler of The Cordelian Empire and daughter of Cordelio Ranchero the Thick. She was the first ruler to realize that they could spend the taxes taken for the empire ON the empire, rather than simply putting the money in a big room.

While she was a clever ruler, she was known to be superstitious. Realizing that her relatives all die at age 52, she outlawed the number completely. After she turned "53," she died as a result of eating a snake.
Mustard

A former chef under Frederick de Bonesby's employ. In The Lost Diaries of Frederick DeBonesby, she serves his guest Violence Hydrangea with leftover steak for breakfast, outraging her master. She explains that this is to deal with his recent budget cuts, but Frederick fires her. She stages a walkout with the entire kitchen staff and reports her suspicions his eerie ritual to the townsfolk around de Bonesby manor.
S.S. Bad News

*"Every curse a blessing every blessing a curse."*

A steam-powered riverboat that runs The K River. It is the location of most of the episode Good News, Bad News.

The ship was cursed by a god, allowing only the cursed to board it and unable to leave. All of its passengers remain cursed in some form, to the point where even the wine is cursed. Goblins play jazz at all hours of the night and a supernaturally-fueled alcohol is given to the ship. While many of the elves and immortal creatures have spent long lives on the ship, not everyone is the same.

The ship itself projects an illusion of itself as The S.S. Good News, a lovely ship for partying couples. Once aboard, the true interior is revealed with its blasting jazz music and ceaseless stream of sex, booze and gambling. The ship is powered by pixies that fart to produce the steam.

The ship's original captain is unknown but the acting captain is Buddy Badnews. He boarded the vessel in an attempt to be with and help his brother Pally Badnews, but their feuding angered Philadelphio, the god of siblings. Once the party intervenes, they convince them to apologize and make up with each other. This causes Philadelphio to remove the curse and allow the passengers to depart.

## Trivia

* The ship was named after its current captain, Buddy Badnews. He was not the original captain.
Joffrey

A Witch Hunter with a perfectly symetrical face. He is stationed at Ottersquirt, but Pebis' powers had forced the Witch Hunters to forget about attractive people. The hunter wanders over the same bridge as Albee, having forgotten his whole life. He pleads with Albee to name him, but seems unimpressed when she calls him Joffrey.
Charlotte's Web

A paperback novel in Cordelia. It tells the story of a woman who lies on her resume, creating a web of lies as she tries to prove her lies.

Draco reads it to Cordelia during her time in prison at The Soaking Valley. He is interested in the book at first but becomes bored as it visits numerous manors throughout the book. The story also involves a loot box at one point.

Cordelia keeps the book with her after her escape. She ends up leaving it with Virginia The Witch Hunter while trying to talk her down from pursuing her.

Cordelia later recommends the book to Sacred Masterpiece, focusing on how the story is about a group of friends more than a single character.
Prog

A high-ranking executive in Flammable Rock Holdings. They are seemingly inseparable from Verona, and the two revel in their job security while lording over the party in Blackbird Singing in the Dead of Night.

The dwarves threw an undeniably good Pissmas party for the company, knowingly going over budget to sabotage the New Years party. When the players succeed despite them, they start an irresponsible mining project that disturbs Father Time from his ancient path to direct him towards the party.
Pigsly

The ancient and dutiful butler at Lindsingham Manor. He has lived a long life, mainly due to being ordered by his former master Vance Lindsingham to never die. As a loyal butler, he obeyed out of a sense of duty. He is capable of wielding magic and created several spells to help work around the manor.

Pigsly has a strong distaste for his masters, but loves Bunny Lindsingham. He is deeply committed to adhering to the butler's code, but is willing to break it to besmirch Vance after his passing.

## Trivia

* Pigsly was a nickname given to him when he developed a deformed pig tail after years of abuse. He was also born with the name Pigsly, so it turned out to be a happy accident.
* After Buckley is appointed as master of the manor, he commands Pigsly to never die as well. It is unclear what being doubly-cursed demands of him, but Pigsly seems very distressed by this.
Into the Woods

*There's simply no rest for the wicked. Reeling after the Battle of Brian Doyle Falls, the gang can barely catch a break as their brief respite is cut all too short. The open road calls yet again, and nowhere, not even the high fantasy preserve of The James Woods is safe. What dangers, what moral hazards, lie in wait for our heroes in this new, grand, wild place? Only time, and this very podcast, can say. DO YOU DARE LISTEN?*

## Summary

The party escapes the tunnel from the corrupted Brian Doyle Falls and returns to the sepia tone house. They change back from their vacationized forms but are still badly damaged. Albee is missing her sword and a skeletonized hand from acid burns while Stirfry is burned nearly featherless. They spend a few days recovering as best they can before saying their goodbyes to Bellow’s family. Cordelia stays back to spend some private time with Val and de Bonesby theorizes that he is growing a new layer of skin (in the form of green slime) thanks to the goblins’ influence. Bellow’s sisters quickly put Albee through their “council” to test her worthiness of dating Bellow; they ask her what color apples are and give her a thumbs up.

The party heads off to The James Woods, catching up with Flipcup along the way. Bellow warns that the woods are home to more traditional sorts, such as falconers or jousters. While discussing Frederick’s lack of knowledge about animals, he and Cordelia recall the primordial thing they saw in the dying Danny Timeshare’s reflection. They make the connection between Cordelia’s lost spell and Frederick’s acquired presence in his mind palace, realizing that during their bodyswap he acquired the dark force from her. They decide there’s little they can do about it for now. They proceed down the path before they are suddenly ambushed by The Suburban Strangler who escaped The S.S. Bad News. He threatens to torment them for the rest of the episode but things flash forward to them continuing their journey, now with Stirfry wearing a bugbear skin cloak.

The party is suddenly caught in various pits and nets, captured by The Virtuous Bandits. They are bound by magical ropes and carried off in their wagon to their secret hideout. Their leader, J.W. Marriot, assures them that they are pure hearted outlaws who only seek to teach morality and goodness to those they capture. His companion Porkpie starts to consider that discretion is a virtue while keeping secrets is considered wicked. He is paralyzed by this contradiction and falls over dead.

The party is subjected to extremely specific questions of morality, which they object to for being extremely subjective and black and white. J.W.’s fellow bandits begin to die from paradoxes similar to Porkpie until they confront their leader for confessing to being a formerly unvirtuous man. The party virtuously forgives him, causing him and his allies to all perish from the overwhelming goodness.

## Links

Episode: https://rudetalesofmagic.simplecast.com/episodes/into-the-woods-qsHyEaF3
Rimjon

A tin dragon from Cordelia's past. He was infamous for hovering over major battles and wars while shouting bad advice to both sides. His breath weapon fired rubbing alcohol, and complications therein led to his demise in the year 488. His death was celebrated with a parade in Umbrall.

Rimjon is believed to be the inspiration for Grimoire Stacks, a dragon in the novel The Stain Within.

The name Rimjon is also used by one of the gnome pranksters in We Prankster Few.
Buttspread Steaks

A horrible man “with a face that sucks.” He interrupts the party’s camping during Are You Afraid of the Scares? when they unwittingly kill and eat his marshmallow golem. He threatens to kill them if they don’t tell him scary stories, and successfully does so when he cuts Stirfry in half for his inadequate tale.

Buttspread has a great love for scary stories, particularly those scaring the pants or sleeves off of things. He is generally described as horrible to look at and carries several large swords in his jeans. One of them is actually an inverted sword capable of bringing someone back from the dead.

He judges the party’s stories until he starts to grow bored with Frederick de Bonesby’s story about banshees. He is swiftly interrupted when he’s torn in half by said banshee.

## Trivia:

* Buttspread is engaged to his aunt.
* Buttspread has a tail, which also wears a sleeve of its own.
Punished Lucas

A scarred and skinny bartender at The Delighted Wife. He is a shameless masochist, gladly accepting pain as payment for drinks. In fact, he'll often prefer it. He charges a punch in the neck for a cup of coffee. The party has to talk him into givi
ng them information on Albee's family, beating him up until he's content to direct them towards Moira Thousand.

Moira seems to approve of his dealings, and believes that he sent the party to see her knowing she would kick his ass for doing so. She is apparently the cause for his many scars.

## Quotes

* Lucas: "*You're going to have to knock the wind out of me*."

Albee: "*Knock the wind out of you?*"

Lucas: "*Somebody's gonna have to! I'm breathing real easily over here!*"
Judge Missionary Heavenwife Buzz

A handsome, clean shaven man who rides his horse/son through The Teenage Woods. His son is a talking horse, through means that no one knows (including himself). He judges those he comes across, and if he finds them sinful he turns them into flies.

He encounters the party in It's Fly Time, Baby while they are taking shelter from the rain. He calls them out to be judged and asks the worst thing they've ever done. Albee confesses to killing in self defense, which he finds amoral (a righteous person would have simply died). He turns her into a fly with a few bursts of his magic. The rest of the party attacks him but are similarly turned into flies. Only de Bonesby holds back, and when confronted he claims to be a kidnapped child and that he once coveted mommy's bread. Missionary deems this sinful but forgivable and lets Frederick off with a warning this time. Frederick gathers his friends and urges them to eat the anti-magic shit he gathered from Spilled Milk to break their curse.
Lancelot Platt

Lancelot Platt is a wide-spread and hedonistic young nobleman. He is played by Branson Reese in the episode Beans and Revelry. While a well-spoken and upper-class Englishman, he is known to sleep with everyone he can. He is very interested in triangles, threesomes, and three-person marriages. He is Lia Chesterfield’s nephew, and at least considers marrying her for a good portion of the episode.

He proposes to Abigail in an attempt to make her true love, Lord Dudley Darlington Goodge, jealous. Rumors spread that he is joining the church to atone for his ways, but he denies this for some time. Ultimately, he reconsiders when he nearly marries Bethesda Herrington and God Himself in a three-way marriage, but Bethesda is eaten by a crocodile before this can occur. He dissolves into sand upon meeting Catherine and Cornelius Chesterfield at the end of the episode when he was expecting Anastasia.

## Trivia

* Lancelot's last name is taken from Tim Platt, since Branson says it was the most English name he could think of.
Guns

Guns are an advanced invention that fires small projectiles at high speeds towards targets. Their actual canon in Cordelia is left intentionally vague and they have yet to be used in a canonical sense. They have been referenced on several occasions in a way that leaves their existence unclear in the main setting.

## Appearances

* In Come At the King: Chapter 3, Butter St. Beef refers to Unhittable Babylon Brown as "the world's talkiest, inconsistent gun." This may simply be a figure of speech.
* In the non-canon live show Married To The Sea, Beavis Palisades is concerned about who's side he takes in the mutiny. This is because he has invented a fully functioning modern-day glock. He is quickly killed by the recoil and it is claimed by Frederick de Bonesby, who promptly kills several pirates with it. It deals several d20 damage on a hit.
* Deleted descriptions in Dial E for Elf listed "the world's only gun" as one of the boastful artifacts in Lindsingham Manor. This was removed out of concerns for the canonical implications.
* Cum Dangle and his crew have a weapon they refer to as a gun. It's actually just a crossbow that has been lit on fire.
* In All the Little Ants, Stirfry tells Affair Elf his name is "Stirfry, bitch." The cast agrees to take it back, but Branson Reese briefly mentions "She shoots you with a gun" in reply.
* In Weird Times In Piss Harbor, guns are fairly common knowledge and are wielded by Tommy Whistle and El Chupacabra. The narrator specifically points out that this is despite the game taking place before the Class Dismissed campaign, and refuses to elaborate.
Kenku

Kenku are a species of short avians that hatch from eggs. Conventionally, they lack the ability to speak and can only mimic noises and voices they have heard before. Despite their feathered limbs, they cannot fly and have thicker feathers that function as fingers. Like actual birds, they possess hollow bones, making them agile and lightweight while remaining more easily damaged or broken.

Some establishments use kenku instead of recording equipment. The Peacekeepers use kenku mimicry as recorders for confessions and will use them as reliable witnesses in court.

Stirfry is a rare exception to the rule. While he can copy sounds and voices like his own kind, he received his own voice from Frederick de Bonesby's magic while he was at the peak of his power.

## Trivia

* As the show goes on, kenku mimicry is presented as slightly filtered and often plays back previously recorded audio. Especially old kenku tend to come out scratchier like an overused record.
* Timmy’s Outskirts Sports Bar has several chained to the walls where they recite descriptions of sporting events to the patrons.
Rainn Anatomies

*"I have no idea but I would love find to out!"*

A short, bug-eyed human and the town mortician for Fort Casual. He studies the occult in his spare time, often pursuing conspiracy theories in the process. He is good friends with Cordelia during her stay, maintaining a secret arrangement at Anatomies' Mortuary.

The party encounters him while arguing about what to do outside his mortuary. He invites them in to see his study on the soil from The Teenage Woods, finding evidence of Polaris University's absence from history. The party shares what they know and he speculates that the Mothra-Tau-Delta ritual swapped a part of Hell and earth on its location.

While an unsettling and eerie man, he's friendly with the party and delighted to discuss his theories with anyone. He is highly paranoid, and has several complex boards linking his ideas together. For all his eccentricities, he appears to be aware of demons and events that the party has confirmed to be accurate.

He immediately becomes attracted to Frederick de Bonesby as "the coolest" creature he's ever seen. He is quickly put off by his personality.

## Trivia

* Rainn's voice is based on the actor Peter Lorre.
Gumballs Forever

A candy shop located in The Ice Cream and Candy District. It is one of many locations in the episode A Real Live Adult where Timmy And Tommy has racked up a large tab. The clerk threatens Timmy before Tommy Whistle pays part of his tab and intimidates him into forgetting the rest.

## Trivia

* The clerk admits that being a candy salesman profession has some of the highest mortality rates in Piss Harbor, so he tries to pick his battles.
John Menthol

A moustachioed Witch Hunter. He appears in and narrates the illusion that serves as the introduction to newly initiated hunters. He reveals the deepest secrets of the Witch Hunters' purpose, which is considered a point of no return for recruits.

He appears to have an unclear but passionate relationship with a mountain.
Potato O'shaughnessy

A Peacekeeper in Piss Harbor. The party finds him protecting the crime scene at the Kaiser Permanente Indoor Arena and Daycare where Dino Spaghetti was killed. Moose flirts with him using their will they, won't they past before resorting to bribing him.

Potato appreciates it when people don't point out his lack of an accent when they hear his name.
Ottersquirt

*"Welcome to Ottersquirt. Don't worry. Our founder was executed."*

A hamlet town at the fork in The Y River. It is a very wet and humid down, with many mossy buildings and constantly damp citizens. An otter statue stands as its namesake, but it was removed by the visiting Witch Hunters to replace it with summoning runes.

It is used as a checkpoint for the Witch Hunters in the episode Operation Ottersquirt.
Leif Tonklefart

A soft-spoken and sexually frustrated dwarf at Flammable Rock Holdings. She is seated near Surfboard, leaving her stuck between Leif and her crush Dunkdunk Bodybad. Fed up with being stationed in their hormonal crossfire, Surfboard and the party intervene at the New Year's party. While shy at first, she ends up kissing Dunkdunk under the mistletoe... before it turns into outright fingering (on both sides), loudly orgasming, and getting caught having sex in their boss' carriage.

She enjoys hot cocoa and movies.
Professor Outside

A gnomish professor at Polaris University. He teaches Bellow's druid classes, with a particular passion for mushrooms and his wife. Not to be confused with the episode Professor Outside. He dresses "like the entire outdoors."

Bellow remembers his lessons with the professor in his early days of druid class, learning that mushrooms are actually not tiny trees with hats. The professor explains this through several diagrams, including one that is of him kissing his wife. He confirms that this was on purpose, because he's extremely proud of the one time his beloved wife kissed him. Cordelia similarly recalls these classes, even though Outside was speaking to an empty classroom much later.
Mother Knows Best

*It's a family reunion...of sorts, when ourheroes are introduced to their mysterious host in the heart of The Nest. Who or what is She? What dark trials must our heroes best? What will be the horrible price of their freedom? If sweat is the pee of the skin, is spit the pee of the mouth? ALL WILL BE ANSWERED in... Mother Knows Best!*

 Episode 3 of Rude Tales of Magic.

Previous episode: Down for the Count

Next episode: Dial E for Elf

## Summary

The party wakes in a heap of owlbear feathers. Poopus invites them to meet Mother, a creature that lives deep inside The Nest. Mother is revealed to be a giant blue heart, claiming to be the spirit of the forest and true creator of the owlbears. She speaks to them telepathically and offers to answer their questions in exchange for taking her tests. The party agrees before fully understanding the cost of their answers.

Accessing their minds, Mother puts them through several simulated riddles. The party passes her tests, which Mother retroactively informs them would have killed them if they failed. Finding that they are suitable for her task, Mother asks them to bring a nearby family of creatures to her to absorb. She requires more intelligent beings than bears and owls to improve her creations. Albee realizes that Mother means her family and refuses, leading an attack on the persistent Mother. She starts to summon owlbears made from whatever attacks they throw at her while Poopus panics from witnessing the fight between his “mother” and his new friends.

Poopus tries to convince the friends to cooperate and that being absorbed isn’t so bad. They convince him to enter Mother himself, something that horrifies and sickens Mother. She begins to take on Poopus’ voice and traits until she chooses to destroy herself rather than live like this. Poopus emerges as a newborn gnome baby and the owlbears all transform to possess his face. The party welcomes Poopus back and he promptly urinates on them. They happily rename him Peepiss and take him with them on their travels.

The party gets back on the road to check on Albee’s family. They encounter two elves on horseback who block their path, demanding that they help them solve a murder most foul.

## Link

https://rudetalesofmagic.simplecast.com/episodes/mother-knows-best
Helmholtz

One of a pair of twins in The Children of the Atmosphere along with his brother Kelvin. They are part of the group of cultists who capture the party in Rain of Terror.
After Bellow shapeshifts into a lizard, they catch him in a mason jar. Bellow turns back into a tiefling, which makes his jar explode and pelts them with shards of the broken glass.
When a fight breaks out over Fractus’ true wishes, the twins reveal that they’re packing nunchucks. Each of them holds one end of it, effectively attacking Bellow with them but also knocking their heads together in the process.
Scenticles the Bold

A loxodon and former emperor of Cordelia. He appears to be the only of his kind to rule the past empire.

Smellulus goes to the painting at his lowest moment in Come At the King: The Final Chapter. It is said to always look towards history rather than its viewer. Smellulus sets the portrait ablaze as rebellion overtakes the empire.