BSCMC 006: The Mystery at Claudia's House

The episode for "The Mystery at Claudia's House" was originally released on April 8, 2019 and is BSCC Mystery #6. **You can listen to it here.** This episode is 1:07:18 long.This week's ghostwriter: Ellen Miles.

*Previous:* BSCMC 005: Mary Anne and the Secret in the Attic | *Next:* BSCMC 007: Dawn and the Disappearing Dogs | *Or,* see all episodes.

## Official Episode Description

“Mystery” is generous for this book because there was not really much of a mystery, but it was a pretty fun book and discussion! When Janine “The Janenius” Kishi begins to act strange around her family, they begin to wonder if she’s fallen in with a bad crowd. But, she hasn’t. She just has a super hunky boyfriend now called Jerry. Mystery solved. Lots of X eye for the Y guy discussion, so all the ~fashionistas~ out there in Baby Nation should get a kick out of Jack and Tanner’s complete misunderstanding of all things fashion.

## Music Credits

* “Cinematic Investigation” by lucafrancini on Envato Elements
* “Dark World” by Allen Grey on Envato Elements
* “Classic Arcade Video Game” by Adigold on Envato Elements
* “Time Capsule” by Allen Grey on Envato Elements
* ”Kochanie” by Orkiestra Polska
* “All Things” by Betty Who
* “My Baby’s Got A Secret” (Karaoke Version) by Madonna
* “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” (Karaoke Version) by Crash Test Dummies
* “Parting Ways” by Allen Grey on Envato Elements
* “Sexy R&B Hip-Hop” by Me Gusta Music on Envato Elements
* “Parting Ways” by Allen Grey on Envato Elements
* “Bumble” by Podington Bear

60 Second Burger Run
* “Gothic Children’s Choir” by Allen Grey on Envato Elements
* Original Intro by Scott Lamb
* Superbrat Outro by Superbrat

## Book Description

Tanner uses the description from Single White Female.

When setting the timer for Jack's description, Tanner's search engine auto-completes the game 60 Second Burger Run.

## Segments

###  Burn Of The Week

A very good burn
That stings you so right
A knife that doth turn.
It gets in your head
But oh so soon:
It will cause me to call
The burn unit.
—inspired by "The Sick Rose" by William Blake

Tanner's burn is the line right after Jack's #swoon, where Claudia burns Janine by assuming all of her friends would be nerdy with plastic pocket protectors.

Jack says that the meta-burn of the week is this entire book, on Janine.

Jack's burn is about Janine being booked by the cops for incompetent makeup application and meal tardiness.

Queer Eye

Blue eyeshadow, a hallmark of the 90s

Tanner: "Same can be said of Jack" re: "Except for their lack of taste in food and reading material, my parents are basically great people."

Ann makes fun of the boys by calling out the court-themed segments, "Mrs. Lawyer" and "Mr. Lawyer".

###  Claudia's Closet

Jack skirts the need for a Gothic poem.

Claudia takes thirty minutes to get dressed each morning, and describes a sample morning's outfit:

* Black and white checked stretch pants
* Looks for a red belt; it is currently being used to hold a binder together
* Couldn't find a blouse because they were crumpled up on the bottom of her closet
* Finds a black and white polka dot shirt in her closet; the effect makes her "a little dizzy"
* Red ankle boots
* Ponytail not he side of her head
* Her favorite red heart earrings

**Claudia Eye for the Janine Guy**: Janine is every "before" person on Queer Eye.

Later, Jack and Tanner discuss blue eyeshadow, which is peak 90s

 .

 ###  Hashtag Swoon

Night and noon
These handsome men who do their worst
Singing their beguiling tune
I find myself immersed in thirst
Or as the youth say
Hashtag swoon
With hashtag vapors
I've been cursed.
—inspired by "She Walks in Beauty" by Lord Byron

Claudia and Janine blush over the boy Jerry, a hunky gorgeous boy, who also thinks Claudia is cute and sweet. "I looked and my mouth dropped open. There, in front of the school, was the most gorgeous guy I'd ever seen. He was tall and strong-looking. He had black hair and was dressed in a way cool pair of jeans and a beautiful blue shirt."

###  Tanner Googles

Tanner Googles how many of the mysteries are written by Ellen Miles. Later, Tanner Googles for gothic poetry.

## Theories

###  Bee Theory

The song throughout the book, Janine's song with Jerry: "Your kisses are so sweet / Your lips are like honey / we're so in love / we won't need any money / You know I'll always stay / because I love it when you look at me that way / I'll love you forever, forever I'll love you" — like a song that bees would sing

###  Bread Theory

An oval table set with bread
And wine the color of foxglove
And little vases,
Such as little children dress their altars with in May;
In these I poured the wine,
But why did he who got the first vase shove
His vase away?
I stopped pouring the wine;
And then as if a rain-cloud spoke he said
'You've given me a crooked slice of bread.'
—"A Crooked Slice of Bread" by Mary Devonport O'Neill;

"I brought you some bread," said Mrs. Braddock. "We'll be supplying bread to the whole neighborhood for a while." She laughed.

Tanner and Jack discuss who came up with Bread Theory. Jack says Bread Theory belongs to all of us.

Tanner reads the last stanza of the poem: "I turned and found a loaf so stale and dried / ‘Twas hard as sandstone, and a knife / As thin and waving as a blade of grass; / And then while centuries seemed to pass / All things had faded but the task I tried. / Do I in some less palpable life / That slides along one side of this / (Using the force and strength I miss / In this life here) work hard instead / To cut that straight smooth even slice of bread?"

###  Witchcraft

Claudia is eating a Devil Dog and Janine is reading "a thick boring-looking book" (the Necronomicon). Tanner argues that this actually sounds like Boethius. Jack says it's too short, and decides that it's probably Aquinas, The Summa, and "leave Aquinas alone!"

## Jack's References

* Jack relates a story about wearing an entire Bugle Boy outfit, but the B was obscured, so people called him "Ugly Boy".
* Jack implores Tanner to watch the new season of Queer Eye before the birth of the baby, not after.
* Concupiscence; Confessions by Augustine. Jack ties this into Stacey's crime girl behavior.
* Jack Sings "Stacey's Got a Secret" to the tune of a Madonna song; later he does a top-notch version of “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm” by Crash Test Dummies
* Jack wore eyeliner in his "very cool" phase: tight thrift store dress pants, a very tight/small Adidas track jacket, no shirt, and a bit of eyeliner

## Tanner's References

* Tanner Sings "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan
* The next two weeks, Dan Brown does the cover art.
* "The one with the heart"
* Dutch Boy burger place
* Skunk striped JNCO jeans
* There is a lot of talk about ConAir ("There's a whole Con Air wiki," says Tanner.)

"I disagree that those movies are dumb."
"We can talk about this, we can talk about Running Man, we can talk about —"
"Running Man is a classic. We can talk about Bright starring Will Smith and Joel Edgerton, which I still haven't seen."
"How have you still not seen that?!"

## Notes

* "Kids are our business..." And business is good.
* Do all the houses have mysteries?
	+ Claudia has a mystery
	+ Mallory has a mystery in the attic
	+ Dawn has a ghost in the corridor
	+ Kristy's house has Ben Brewer
	+ Stacey's and Jessi's houses are clear
* \_\_\_\_ Eye for the \_\_\_\_ Guy
* A ghost FBI agent (like Netflix's Spectral or RIPD ("It's a bad movie," says Jack).
* Is Janine actually the phantom phone-caller, from Episode 2: Claudia and the Phantom Phone Calls?
* For the love of god, https://patreon.com/bsccpodcast.

## References & Links

#### Literature

1. ↑ "The Sick Rose" by William Blake: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/43682/the-sick-rose
2. ↑ "She Walks in Beauty" by Lord Byron: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/43844/she-walks-in-beauty
3. ↑ "A Crooked Slice of Bread" by Mary Devonport O'Neill: http://marydevenportoneill.org/a-crooked-slice-of-bread-mary-devenport-oneills-dream-poems/
4. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Necronomicon
5. ↑ Aquinas' Summa: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Summa\_Theologica
6. ↑ "Concupiscence (from Late Latin noun concupiscentia, from the Latin verb concupiscere, from con-, "with", here an intensifier, + cupi(d)-, "desiring" + -escere, a verb-forming suffix denoting beginning of a process or state) is an ardent, usually sensual, longing." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Concupiscence
7. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confessions\_(Augustine)
8. ↑ This guy: https://babysittersclub.fandom.com/wiki/Dan\_Brown; not this guy: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dan\_Brown
9. ↑ The Tell-Tale Heart by Edgar Allen Poe: https://www.poemuseum.org/the-tell-tale-heart
#### Culture

1. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Single\_White\_Female
2. ↑ 60 Second Burger Run: https://www.coolmathgames.com/0-60-second-burger-run
3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 90s fashion trends (eyeshadow is #17): https://www.allure.com/gallery/worst-90s-beauty-trends
4. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drake%27s\_Cakes
5. ↑ https://conair.fandom.com/wiki/Con\_Air\_Wiki
6. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spectral
7. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R.I.P.D.
#### Music

1. ↑ "Secret" by Madonna: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPHUZenprKc
2. ↑ "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm" by Crash Test Dummies: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTeg1txDv8w
3. ↑ "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVcLIfSC4OE

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