Pedophile Apple

## Appearances

### Debut

His hit song "Minecraft in a cave looking for diamonds"

"..." -Apple, 2022

[Verse 1]

You’re playing Minecraft in a cave lookin’ for diamonds

That’s funny, I’m in the same cave lookin’ for minors

‘Cause my sexual attraction to minors is major

Can’t even play hopscotch without poppin’ a rager

Always been a pervert, so I accept the insults

When I was a kid, I fuckin’ molested adults

So Shoe0nHead, Deadwing, and MoistHypoCr1TiKaL

If you bitches think I give a motherfuckin’ shit if y’all—

Get me banned again, get off that crack you smokin’

And you can’t pretend this fuckin’ track ain’t smokin’

Token like the black friend, roll you over, backspin

Roll over, you won’t look back when I’m over you I knew Max when—

He only had 4K subs, all Ls

No dubs, no love, hold up ‘cause sho’nuff

I fucked every damn chance I’ve been givin’

Priapism, never led up, the sky’s the limit

I’d say mind your business, but I need mindless critics

To advertise my sick shit, you say I’m addicted?

But you keep humping my leg, now that’s addiction

No rap, no convictions, but I rap with conviction

You still got suspicion that I’m a pedo

I’m surprised I’m not, ‘cause my Mom the lesbo

Had a bitch, but she thought I was special

I’ll never forget the time she said so

She kicked me out ‘cause she was afraid she'd rape me

Her little sixteen year old baby, it breaks me

And if I ever have my own kid who hates me

I promise I’ll at least wait until you’re eighteen

[Hook]

I can fantasize about whatever I want

You can’t stop what happens in my head

Till I’m dead

I’ll be singin’

I can fantasize about whatever I want

You can’t stop what happens in my head

Till I’m dead (uh)

Till I’m dead

[Verse 2]

I’m hidin’ in the woods behind your house like the Slender Man

But I’m Jewish, so it’s pronounced: “Slenderman”

Enderman, look at me, never see your friends again

Tell ‘em to smash that like button for Benjamins

Call me Benjamin Button, that’s adrenochrome, honey

The older I get, the more my demons grow hungry

And Shaelin’s a feminist, don’t need no feed a ho’ money

Plus her hairy armpits make my penis feel funny (Oh!)

I don’t spare you the details even if that’s what you want

Like your uncle remarried two shemales—new aunts

My grandad used to take baths with my momma

When she was fourteen, guess that’s where we started the trauma

There was this

One time my dad said he’d throttle my throat

It was late afternoon, forgot to call on the phone

Sometimes I picture showin’ up at his house

Shovin’ a motherfuckin’ gun in his mouth

And my mom, no thanks, don’t wanna touch her

Flashbacks of her askin’ me: “What’s a motherfucker?”

And she smiled, that’s a special kind of incest

I screamed: “Get out!” she put a soft twit kiss on my neck

I thought we’re supposed to free, thanks to Abraham Lincoln

But now you’re all now too scared to say what you’re thinkin’

You’re a victim, fuck that, I cancel cancel culture

Don’t listen to these bitches (watch), I can handle vultures

Dealin’ with these batches of weasels like diesel patches

While CreepShow Art ridin’ my D so hard

Fuckin’ sociopath, yeah, you preyin’ folks while you doodle

I’ll steal your motherfuckin’ fans to stay afloat like pool noodles

I’m a shit YouTuber? Maybe I’m too human

I tell the truth to ya, balls like Jupiter

Plus some pubic hair, shoot for the moon like Ed Boon

Look to La Luna, now gimme my Pulitzer

They say bullets are the cure for whatever I got

I say you can fantasize about whatever you want (sex and violence)

Just be yourself, really, fuck they gonna do?

And if I still love me, you know I love you too

But are you ready for the most fucked up line of the song?

Where you tear your hair up thinkin’ if it’s right or it’s wrong

Is he trolling, mentally ill, or just horrible?

You know the scariest thing about me? I’m normal

[Chorus]

I can fantasize about whatever I want

You can’t stop what happens in my head

Till I’m dead

I’ll be singin’

I can fantasize about whatever I want

You can’t stop what happens in my head

Till I’m dead (uh)

Till I’m dead

[Outro]

(Fuck)