305: Zone of Mustard

## Summary

The wife of the couple turns out to have been behind the kidnapping, an act born out of poverty and desperation that she deeply regrets. When the napped kid turns out to be safe and sound, the party are able to forgive her and continue on their way, before tying up a few more of their loose ends. In an attempt to locate the Captivating Coyote, Rosco discovers the power of prayer and the god seemingly sends them a sign: a cloud in the shape of an "M". Despite his protestations, attentions are then turned to Will's birthday, and the group succeed in convincing Ricardo Odysseus to let them hire the houseboat.

## Synopsis

Dean comes in and Batthwack grapples him, sending the unsuspecting old man sprawling to the ground. He's dragged into the *Zone of Truth* that Batthwack had cast in the kitchen, but no matter what they ask him, Dean just sounds really confused, or is artfully avoiding the questions. Did he hit his head too hard? Rosco, who's been heating up mustard in the kitchen, force-feeds some to Dean in a situation that begins to resemble a cruel interrogation, but mostly it seems that Rosco just can't understand why Dean doesn't like his mustard served hot. He does eventually confirm, while in the *Zone of Truth*, that he doesn't kidnap and sell children, leading Batthwack and Rosco to suspect foul play on the part of Dean's wife, Mildred.

Outside, Mildred is acting very distraught and tries to get away, but Will trips her up with a *Mage Hand*. *Detect Thoughts* reveals she's desperate to escape and when Will asks *Do you have anything to do with this?"*, Mildred replies *"No!"* but thinks *"Yes."* Without hesitating, Will casts *Fly* and whisks Mildred off her feet and into the air as she screams in terror. She eventually admits through tears of regret, *"It was me. There was a boy. It was in the street. And he was hurt. He said it was dogs. And so we took him in and we patched him up, but... I saw an opportunity... I saw an opportunity, I couldn't help it! My husband, he's losing his wits! He can't work anymore. We have no money."* Satisfied that she's telling the truth, but unable to give a shit, Will brings her back down and drops her the last 10 feet, breaking her leg.

Mildred's wails of agony bring the others outside and Batthwack takes pity on her, healing her. Mildred and Dean are tearfully reunited. Raphina's annoyed at how she accused her husband. *"Yes, it was me, it was me. Please, please, Dean had nothing to do with it. Poor Dean... Dean..."* Rosco suddenly puts two and two together and recalls their encounter with the mother of a missing child. The couple recognise the sketch of Otis that Rosco shows them and Mildred explains that she had planned to extort the parents for money but let the boy go after realising she couldn't go through with it.

Raphina says that assuming the child is safe and well, they have to forgive Mildred. Dean is clearly unwell and not able to find another job. Raphina feels sure they'll find another solution to the couple's problems. When they arrive at Otis's house, he's playing out in the front garden. Raphina tries to explain to Otis's mother that they know who took her son, but she has no recollection of the party, presumably because of the timeline/reality changes. She begins to suspect that in fact the party had something to do with her son's disappearance.

Will's had about as much of this as he can take, and the resulting argument ends in Otis's mother calling for the city guards and taking her son back inside. Will frustratedly suggests Rosco hurry up and give the couple some of the money that the Aeonian Anglerfish gave him. While Rosco takes 5pp out of his special purse and deliberates on what a suitable amount might be, Will pickpockets another 6pp from him and slips it into Dean's pocket. Rosco hands them the 5pp and Mildred promises that she's learnt her lesson.

The sound of guards' whistles approaching is their cue to move on swiftly. They next take in the burnt remains of *Michael's Mechanisms* and learn that the guard have recovered the remains of an automaton, thought to have gone wrong due to a fault by the proprietor of the store. On their travels they also see a few gnomes and note that there is not a single ibish to be seen. There's now a guard presence in the city and Raphina also notes that the airship tower is no longer there, which is how it used to be.

Batthwack goes into a nearby guard station to check their wanted board and everyone, especially Mo, is relieved to discover that Raphina's name isn't on there. It's just the usual lists of jaywalking blue jays and thieving fireflies.

*"So... When we have party for Will?"* asks Mo. Will would rather press on and find the Captivating Coyote. Batthwack suggests they do both; conduct a birthday feast for Will while they boat down the river towards the bay.

There remains the problem of locating the Coyote, but Rosco, who insists he still doesn't get involved with gods (despite having now met one), has the novel idea of communicating with it through a prayer. He kneels and clasps his hands and no sooner have the words *"Dear Captivating Coyote..."* left his lips, than the sound of a distant howl is heard. Rosco conducts a conversation of sorts with the howls, and instructs the Coyote to mould the clouds into a sign that will help them locate it. It's actually Will who first spots a very unusual cloud that briefly forms the shape of a curvy letter M. The others don't see that, but they do notice how one cloud looks just like a rabbit, or is a duck?

Mo really is desperate to get back onto the topic of Will's birthday, saying he has something special in mind for a present. Despite Will's protestations, the rest of them can't help some event planning and Rosco also has some circus-related ideas. He also suggests they don't need to steal the houseboat hotel, because they have their own boat; they could just rent it out for the occasion of Will's party. Before they set off, Will makes a mental note of the guard station's wanted posters.

Back at the houseboat hotel they're reunited with Sheemie who's very excited to hear about Will's birthday party. Rosco hands him 2pp and asks him to speak to Ricardo Odysseus, the captain/hotelier, about renting the boat. Sheemie takes Batthwack with him to the forecastle of the boat where Ricardo is lounging with his feet up. Ricardo is intrigued by a feeling that he's met Batthwack before, and a *"strange sense of abandonment."* *"I feel like you're somebody who I'd love to know,"* he continues. *"But if I were to try to know you right now, you wouldn't let me, would you?"* The idea of a party goes down well with him, but he sounds doubtful about getting it past all the guests. He suggests letting that requirement slide for the price of 1pp. Sheemie haggles, and Ricardo settles on half a platinum, as long as Batthwack agrees to spend an evening with him. Sheemie agrees before Batthwack can say anything.

## Quotes

* Eric: *"The door cracks open and you just lunge through, wrap both your arms around this frail old man and drive him to the ground."* KT: *"He's a frail old man?! Oh my god!"* Eric: *"Now he is. He was 32 before this tackle happened."*
* Otis's mother: *"Who are you? Did you have something to do with this?"* Will: *"Okay, no, listen, shut up. Everybody shut up and go home. This doesn't matter. Otis, just get a life okay? These people saved your son. He was attacked by dogs in the street okay? Now go home idiots. You go home too. We don't have time for this anymore people, we have to save the world, okay?!"*
* KT: *"I like how you just insisted that you don't deal with gods and now you're just like... 'Sure!'"* Adam: *"Rosco wants to use whatever kind of religious sense or intuition he has to determine the location of the Coyote."* Alex: *"Gunna cast* Insincere Prayer*."* Eric: *"You just pray, but the whole time you're doing air quotes."*
* Eric: *"Is there such a thing as circile dysfunction?"* Adam: *"Yeah, it's when you can't get the tent up."* Ba-dum tish!

## Trivia

* The episode title is a quote from Alex. Rosco and Batthwack are trying to get answers out of Dean using Batthwack's *Zone of Truth*. Rosco is simultaneously occupying himself heating up some mustard in the kitchen. Adam: *"Rosco does an insight check from the mustard."* Eric: *"From the mustard? You're in the mustard?!"* Adam: *"From the mustard station."* Eric: *"Oh, ok!"* KT: *"The mustard kitchen. Wow."* Eric: *"Yeah I pictured like a bathtub and you were just in it."* Alex: *"We're gonna create a new spell, you and I. Soon to be called* Zone of Mustard*."* Adam: *"What would that do?!"* Alex: *"I haven't figured that out, but I'm sure we're doing it right now."* Adam: *"You have to write, in mustard, the answers to questions, but it's like tea leaves. It's like Rosco's there and he can tell if the mustard is lying or telling the truth."* Eric: *"But it has to be hot mustard."*
* A cord of wood is a lot of wood. See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cord\_(unit)
* This week's episode description describes the Pork Fried Dice wiki as: forbløffende, which translates in Norwegian to amazing or astonishing.

## Gallery

*Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice*

## References

1. ↑ See episode 304: We Can Get the Cold Mustard Out of the House!
2. ↑ See episode 286: Mustard Soup
3. ↑ See episode 213: The Seven of Decapitations
4. ↑ See episode 299: Like a Zen Rake
5. ↑ At this point, the group discuss when Will's birthday was supposed to have been. Theories are either that it happened during their visit to the lizardfolk lair on AB3 or some time slightly more recently, like ten days ago, which would have been around the time they arrived at Morrow's Inlet.
6. ↑ He has of course, but in another reality. See episode 275: Am I Ever Gonna Make Any Friends?