Greatest Hits of UHS Track/XC

* Robert Sanders destroyed the Westwood Track's bathroom, more specifically the paper towel dispenser. After doing so, he was kicked off the team but still showed up to practices.
* One day, Thomas Sherlock did something that changed the team forever. He did some odd kind of dance, called "Hitting the Mary." This spread across the entire team until, eventually, everyone was hitting the mary. To this day, people still are out there, hitting the mary.
* I guess we've won states in few events. That's cool I guess.
* On a day like any other, the whole team was up at Westwood Track. Phillip Lemine was doing the high jump with others who were actually good at the high jump. Ryan Coen briefly complemented one of the other jumpers. For some reason, Leminecraft took great offense to this. That very night he emailed Lord Ed and told him he was quitting because of Coed. No one actually cared or misses and Ryan became a hero for it. He still makes people quit the team though.
* Just everything that involved Raaaaawbin! Most notably would be her tweet that said, and I quote, "I'm not racist, but I'll use race against you in an argument." Or maybe how she tried to start so much drama on the girls team. Or that time she just ate a potato raw. Nonetheless, she was the hottest on the team and we all miss her.
* Aidan's dumbass thought that being a vegan meant you ate nothing that's ever been alive. He was relentlessly teased for being an idiot, as he deserved!
* On March 18, 2018, a new face in a bathrobe came up to see the team at Westwood. This hero was Zach Lambert who attempted to run with the boys. However, Coach White quickly dismissed him as he was "a distraction."
* One day, at Westwood, Josh and Adam were throwing with Coach Schneid. Mellet walked by, and then told Adam and Josh in a quiet voice "Mellet runs like a baby Giraffe".
* On April 7, 2018, Christian missed the bus to the Clay Battelle meet
* During the winter track season, Patrick Ryan got in the way of the college girls team, even though he was repeatedly told to move out of the way. When the group of college girls finally caught up to him, the girl in the front told him to ¨Get the fuck out of the way," and as the girl in the back passed him, she said, "You're not funny, dude." This moment will forever plague Patrick's existence because he won't be considered a funny dude again until he says 5 funny things. He currently has 1 more funny thing to say.
* During the Jobes Track meet, Patrick was scheduled to go in one of the last events, so he ate a slice of pizza at about 11:30. Then Ed came and told him he had to run the 1600m, which was in about 10 minutes. Patrick barely had time to run a warmup, and then ran a 6:06 mile.
* At the Jobes Track meet, Patrick made a reference to when he was younger and said "when I was 1/4th my height and 2 feet tall," to which Connor Lyons responded immediately (and I mean not even a second went by) "You are not 8 feet tall Patrick." This is considered the first funny thing Patrick Ryan has ever said.
* You can buy half a chicken, two sides, and a drink for $8.50
* On April 20, 2018, Thomas Sherlock broke the school record for shotput at North Marion. This isn't really funny it's just like genuinely impressive.
* Tommy has just like the worst luck with women. Don't get me wrong he's a good dude, he's just really bad at talking to girls. Ask him and he may regale you with such tales as "Shut up John Brown" or the infamous Cookie Incident.
* One day on a bus ride home, people were taking selfies for Snapchat, as you do. However, the bus was dark and many people had their flash on. Coach White turned around and said, "Hey no flashing." To this Josh responded, "What about our phones?" It was quiet for a second. And then you heard it. Three simple words that will live on in our hearts forever. Coach White yelled, "Shut up Josh." To this day he still tells Josh to shut up.
* We're all pretty sure Aidan's trying to plow Zak's sister.
* One day something truly horrible happened. It shook the team to its very core and divided us. No one felt like they could trust each other, we lived in fear. That event was--ah nevermind.
* One day while everyone was changing before XC practice on a normal day, a couple of guys found a full and unopened chocolate milk carton. After some impromptu throwing of the milk carton, Connor Lyons decided to chuck the milk carton on top of the speaker at the front of the locker room (the scrub injured himself on the whiteboard while doing it as well. Step up your game Connor you‘re now 0-2 against that whiteboard). Over the next ~2 weeks, every so often someone would try and knock the milk down off the speaker but a few guys (mostly Connor) were trying to defend the milk. After roughly 2 weeks, Ryan Coen finally succedeed and knocked the milk carton down, which caused the milk carton to give off a disgusting smell after it hit the ground (bear in mind that the locker room is usually 80 degrees, so this milk was super rancid). So Thomas, being a normal person, picked up the milk and yeeted into the trash can. Then, Adam Mosley on over to the trash can, picks the milk up, and chucks it at Sean for no reason. The milk lands at Sean’s feet and explodes onto the floor and Sean’s legs, causing Sean to react and kick the milk which splatters more chunks onto the floor, and onto Josh and Aiden’s stuff. There were a few people laughing and a few people yelling, but most people were frantically trying to get as far away from the source of one of the most horrendous smells I have experienced in my life (seriously, this smell came straight from the 10th level of hell in Dante’s Inferno). The smell was so bad that one person vomited the moment they got outside. The smell ended up leaking into the gym hall and made that entire corner of the building smell, and could even be smelled from outside of the school by the double doors leading into the gym hall. Some say that to this day you can still smell the milk in the locker room. Actually, almost everyone says that the locker room still smells like foul milk.
* The Cross Country team was completely banned from Marilla Park, especially the Boparc building. There were many reasons they were asked to leave the area: noise complaints, the potential for damages to occur, and a rumor that the n-word was yelled out. We were welcomed back later but even then we weren't allowed into the building.
* One day at a Preston Track Meet, Patty came in a little later than the rest of the team. Now the team canopy is usually on the bleachers, except on this day it was in the field right next to the entrance. Obviously, we didn't tell Little P and he wandered off to find it. As he came back he asked where the tent was. Zak and Josh informed him it was behind the hill, behind the bleachers. Patty, clearly not thinking, wandered off to behind the bleachers looking for the tent and got lost for like 5 whole minutes.
* Now Kendall and Ryan claimed to not be dating for the longest time but boy you could have fooled me and literally everyone else. From grinding on each other basically to kissing on the bus, they proved to us all you can be dating without actually dating and getting mad and defensive when people bring it up.
* All of the photoshops made during the season. See some of them here