Intro

In the intro of every episode (except "Terry and Korvo Steal a Bear", "The Unlikely Demise of Terry's Favorite Shot Glass", "Terry and Korvo Get in a Big Screaming Fight in the Taco Bell Parking Lot"), "The Mobile Aisha Emitter", "The Cardboard Dead Drop", and "Down and Out On Planet X-Non". Korvo says a different line near the end, and Terry wears a different shirt, in a formula similar to *The Simpsons'* couch gags. Additionally, the intro for "A Very Solar Holiday Opposites Special" features the addition of Holiday-themed imagery to the usual intro scenes (e.g.: Terry and Korvo's house is decorated for Christmas and their homeworld has a giant gift bow around it). Also, while in most intros the Pupa is yellow, it is seen being Pacific blue in "A Very Solar Holiday Opposites Special". The same goes for "A Sinister Halloween Scary Opposites Solar Special" where it is seafoam green.

**Korvo:** Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia, until the asteroid hit.

One hundred adults and their replicants were issued a Pupa and escaped into,

uh, the space, searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds.

We crashed on Earth, stranding us on an already overpopulated planet.

That's right, I've been talking this whole time.

I'm the one holding the Pupa.

My name's Korvo.

This is-this is my show.

[Bollocks,] I just dropped the Pupa.

Do you see me?

(stammers) This is ridiculous.

I hate Earth.

It's a horrible home.

People are stupid [and confusing]. *(This line does not show up in the intro for "The Matter Transfer Array", and the bracketed phrase was present in the intro for "The Apple Pencil Pro" and all standard intros during Season 3)*

"**The Matter Transfer Array**"

And one of these days I'm just gonna blow it up and just be done with the whole stupid thing, I swear to God.

"**The Unstable Grey Hole**"

I don't understand why people have so many outfit choices.

Wh-when you can just wear a thick, coarse robe.

It's the perfect garment, boots and a robe, easy.

"**The Quantum Ring**"

They're always talking about how they love their family, but they're never making their family gigantic.

They're all normal-sized.

If you like something you should be trying to make it gigantic.

"**The Booster Manifold**"

Everyone claims to like old people, but they're not fucking them.

I fuck old people all the time, they love me.

"**The Lavatic Reactor**"

The second you point out Christ was an alien, they get all wound up and start yelling at you.

Even though he did a bunch of alien stuff.

Get with it.

It's-It's no big duh.

"**The P.A.T.R.I.C.I.A. Device**"

Why do they make so many languages?

Why didn't they just get together and figure out one language, so when I go to a Mexican restaurant I can just order "Cheese Tube", and not have someone roll their eyes at me?

"**Retrace-Your-Step-Alizer**"

Where the fuck are all the dinosaurs?

What did they do to all the dinosaurs?

"**The Sacred Non-Repeating Number**"

They're always thirsty.

But they don't drink their own piss, I don't get it.

Just drink your own piss.

"**The Earth Eraser**"

Some animals are pets, but they-- They eat animals,

and other animals they don't eat, and they train them to play basketball

like Air Bud Dog.

How come you can't just eat any animal?

"**The Lake House Device**"

Why are they all so excited about keeping themselves alive?

Don't they know that when you die you come back stronger

and with an earthier flavor?

"**The Emergency Urbanizer**"

I don't understand why people like daylight so much.

It's so loud when it hits your skin.

"**The Rad Awesome Terrific Ray**"

They're always arguing about politics.

Everyone is so busy arguing about politics,

but no one is ever talking about how the Earth is an egg.

Why aren't they talking about that?

"**The Apple Pencil Pro**"

Do they like Brendan Fraser or not?

He's a good guy.

Give him a chance.

"**The Solar Opposites Almost Get An Xbox**"

They love having robots do their jobs,

but they don't create a system of universal income

so they can have money after the robots take their jobs.

It makes no sense!

"**A Very Solar Holiday Opposites Special**"

They love Christmas so much.

Well, guess what?

Jesus was an alien.

He was born in July, and he's allergic to pine trees.

Deal with it.

"**The Extremity Triangulator**"

They're always ordering these complicated coffee drinks.

Why would you ever have coffee when you can just ingest

a room temperature, tan-colored Energon cone?

Don't talk to me until I've had my tan cone.

"**Edamame Duffle Bag**"

I don't-- I don't understand hair.

Humans are always combing and creaming

and fawning over their hair. Hair sucks.

A nice smooth dome with blue dots on it

is the ideal head.

"**The Pupa's Big Day**"

They have so many emotions.

Th-they don't know that they can just set

their Candolian mood rings onto peaceful

and get on with their lives.

"**Hululand**"

Why won't a billionaire take me with them into-- when they go into space?

I'm a good navigator. I'll bring some snacks.

Do you like Takis?

If you bring me to space, I'll bring Takis.

"**The Gargoyle Ray**"

I can't believe humans haven't solved Pi yet.

I almost want to tell you the answer

because it's embarrassing for you.

Okay, it's four.

"**99 Ships**"

Why did humans stop traveling in blimps?

Who cares if one exploded horrifically a century ago?

Get over it and bring back the fսcking blimps.

"**The Platinum Beyblade Burst 800 Takara Tomy Edition**"

They get so excited about going to Mars.

Have you ever been to Mars? I-I-I went to Mars one time.

Not so cool. Not even a Starbucks.

"**The Cubic Lattice Crystallizer**"

They're always talking about brunch. Brunch isn't real.

It's either bread or crunch. You can't have both.

Pick a lane, idiots!

"**The Rays That Turn People Into Various Things**"

Why do you let Tom Cruise do all his own stunts?

The man's going to get himself killed.

Please, Mr. Cruise, if you're within the sound of my voice, scale it back.

You're the greatest entertainer the world has ever known.

And I'm sure your beliefs are reasonable too.

I haven't looked into it.

"**The Fog of Pupa**"

Why are there so many wildfires?

Where is your planet-sized hose so that we can just put everything out?

You should really think about building one of those.

"**A Sinister Halloween Scary Opposites Solar Special**"

I don't get Halloween and holidays.

Don't people know time is an illusion

and this is all a simulation

and they're really in little chambers

hooked up to a machine

that's harvesting their energy?

"**The Ping Pong Table**"

This is what my voice sounds like now.

I don’t care if it’s jarring, get over it.

And that Voice Changer Ray had chronotons in it,

so this is what I’m gonna sound like in flashbacks too.

You got a problem with that?

Then tough shit, it’s called science.

"**The Earth Rake**"

It's disgusting how they treat bananas.

They just strip their peels

and throw them away.

That's the banana's house,

you assholes!

"**The Pronunciation Cassette Tapes**"

Why do they dehydrate so easily?

Oh, you're in a bad mood

because you didn't drink

enough water?

Just sleep in a bowl of water,

you pussy.

"**The Birth-a-Day Present**"

Why is the human gestation period nine months,

and then they come out useless?

They should grow babies in pots.

Faster, easier, and then after they're done,

you get to keep the pot as a hat!

"**The Stockiverse Ray**"

Everyone loves sports so much,

but they all last too long.

Everything should be one try

and if you don't score points,

you're dead.

Now those are

some f\*ck' stakes.

"**The Super Gooblers**"

They have a restaurant called Applebee's,

and they don't call

their appetizers apple-tizers.

That's bullshit!

"**The Re-visibility Bouillabaisee**"

Everyone loves their phones,

but they haven't invented a thing

that lets you transfer

your consciousness into your phone

so that your body can die

but your soul can live on

trapped for eternity

as someone else's operating system.

Now that's a phone.

"**The Unwanted Personification of Terry**"

Why do they always say what happens

in Vegas stays in Vegas,

but then they never freeze time there.

If you're gonna cheat on your wife,

have the dignity to use a chrononullifier,

Anthony K. Delgado, Jr.!