Between the Lions: Alphabet Soup Jokes

This is a list of all jokes told in the *Between the Lions* game, "Alphabet Soup."

**Notes:**

* The words in **bold** are the missing words, and what makes the joke (almost) funny.
* Most of these jokes are modified from their original appearance in the game.

## Jokes

* Apart from Tuesday, what two days begin with the letter T? Thursday and **TOMORROW**.
* How do astronauts keep clean in space? They take meteor **SHOWERS**.
* How do leopards stop a VCR? They press the **PAWS** button.
* How do you communicate with a fish? Drop her a **LINE**.
* How do you fix a broken chimp? With a **MONKEY** wrench.
* How do you keep a skunk from smelling? You hold its **NOSE**.
* How do you know that the ocean is friendly? It **WAVES**.
* How do you know when a giraffe is in your bed? By the big G on his **PAJAMAS**.
* How do you stop a bull from charging? Take away its credit **CARD**.
* How many oranges grow on a tree? **ALL** of them.
* What are monkeys' favorite cookies? Chocolate **CHIMP** cookies.
* What are two things you can't have for breakfast? Lunch and **DINNER**.
* What did Delaware? A **NEW** Jersey.
* What did Dollar Bill name his daughter? **PENNY**.
* What did one centipede say to the other? "Ow! You stepped on my **FOOT**, my foot, my foot, my foot..."
* What did the attorney name her daughter? **SUE**.
* What did the bee say to the flowers? "What time do you **OPEN**?"
* What did the calendar maker name her daughters? April, May, and **JUNE**.
* What did the duck say to the rooster in the morning? "**QUACK**-a-doodle-doo."
* What did the duck say when she bought lipstick? "Put it on my **BILL**."
* What did the fire say to the firefighter? "Take me to your **LADDER**."
* What did the grape say when it was squashed? Nothing. It just gave out a little **WHINE**.
* What did the hot dog say when he finished the race? "I'm the **WIENER**."
* What did the judge say when the skunk entered the courtroom? "**ODOR** in the court."
* What did the tablecloth say to the table? "I've got you **COVERED**."
* What do pigs use to write top-secret messages? Invisible **OINK**.
* What do you call a bee who buzzes very quietly? A **MUMBLE** bee.
* What do you call a guy who lives on your doorstep? **MAT**.
* What do you call a skeleton who sleeps all day? **LAZY** bones.
* What do you call baby cats who live in a skyscraper? **KITTENS**.
* What do you dog if your dog chews the backseat of the car? You put her in the **FRONT** seat.
* What does a ghost like to spread on its bagels? **SCREAM** cheese.
* What furniture polish do schools use? **PLEDGE** of Allegiance.
* What group did the Three Little Pigs join? The boy **SNOUTS**.
* What happens if you don't clean your mirror? You get a dirty **LOOK**.
* What is an octopus? An eight-sided **CAT**.
* What is small, gray, and has an enormous trunk? A **MOUSE** going on vacation.
* What is something that gives milk and has only one horn? A milk **TRUCK**.
* What is the best way to catch a squirrel? Climb a **TREE** and act like a nut.
* What is the difference between a color TV and a newspaper? You can't **SWAT** a fly with a color television.
* What is the favorite year for a kangaroo? **LEAP** year.
* What is the hardest way to eat spaghetti? Through a **STRAW**.
* What is the longest word in the dictionary? Smiles, because there is a **MILE** between the first and last letters.
* What kind of bow is impossible to tie? A **RAINBOW**.
* What kind of phones do prisoners use? **CELL** phones.
* What metal do burglars like best? **STEEL**.
* What sea creature is always grumpy? A **CRAB**.
* What stays hot in the refrigerator? **MUSTARD**.
* What time is it when an elephant sits on your watch? Time to **BUY** a new watch.
* What's in the middle of nowhere? The **LETTER** H.
* What's smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling **BEE**.
* What's the safest part of a haunted house? The **LIVING** room.
* When is a basketball like a baby? When it **DRIBBLES**.
* When is it time to go to the dentist? **TOOTH**-hurty.
* Where are the biggest diamonds in the world? In baseball **PARKS**.
* Where did the cow go on Saturday night? To the **MOOOOO-VIES**.
* Where did the dentist go on her vacation? To the **MOUTH** of the Mississippi.
* Where did the spaghetti go to dance? To a **MEATBALL**.
* Where do snowflakes dance? At the **SNOWBALL**.
* Where does a snowman put his money? In a snow **BANK**.
* Which animal eats with its tail? All of them, because none takes it **OFF** to eat.
* Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday, because the others are **WEAK** days.
* Which knight designed King Arthur's round table? **SIR** Cumference.
* Which president has the sharpest teeth? **JAWS** Washington.
* Which two keys are too big to fit in your pockets? A monkey and a **DONKEY**.
* Why can't monkeys play cards in the jungle? There are too many **CHEETAHS**.
* Why couldn't Cinderella play sports? She always ran away from the **BALL**.
* Why couldn't the butterfly go to the dance? It was a **MOTH** ball.
* Why did the chef run out of the kitchen? The cookbook said to crack an egg, then **BEAT** it.
* Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other **SLIDE**.
* Why did the dinosaur cross the road? **CHICKENS** weren't invented yet.
* Why did the elephant have a terrible vacation? The airline lost his **TRUNK**.
* Why did the elephant stand on the marshmallow? To keep from falling into the **HOT** chocolate.
* Why did the girl eat her homework? Her teacher told her it was a piece of **CAKE**.
* Why did the hippopotamus cross the road? It was the chicken's **DAY** off.
* Why did the lion want to eat the tightrope walker? To have a well-balanced **MEAL**.
* Why do giraffes have long necks? Their feet **SMELL**.
* Why do magnets make such good friends? They always **STICK** together.
* Why do rhinos have so many wrinkles? Rhinos are very hard to **IRON**.
* Why is crossing a road like music? You will B flat if you don't C **SHARP**.
* Why isn't it safe to tell secrets on a farm? The **CORN** has ears, the potatoes have eyes, and the beanstalk.
* Why was the little snake that he wasn't poisonous? He just **BIT** his tongue.
* Why was the math textbook very sad? It had so many **PROBLEMS**.
* Why will sharks eat anything but clowns? They taste **FUNNY**.