Episode 382 - F Word Gary

Bone Card Battle Time! That dang Gary is not ready for what we are about to throw at him and his dang bone creatures. We will fight and we will win!

## **Story**

### Long Story

Off screen, the crew has spoken to The Commission, and been cleared to take Dodge Grabbit's place in the Bone Card Tournament later today. Cool! In fact, it's right now! The gang gets to the arena, where Boneblast 42 is going on. It's called Boneblast 42 now. I'm not sure if it was always called this because the Wiki's in a right sorry state right now, but whatcanyoudo?

Skud has 7 cards now, but can only use 6 of them in the battle. Uh-Oh! What to do? Guess he'll have to choose one to not use here, but which one will it be? They decide to not use the new one, the Elder Brain they just got. With their full team of Lahni, Rowan, Toby, the Astral Dreadnought, the Beholder, and Pyre, Skud steps out onto the field to the sound of a roaring crowd. They're standing on a series of platforms that grant them 150-ft of fighting room. There are also multiple levels with which to move to, should the need arise.

Fuckin Gary sends out a terrifying Skull Lord, which is spooky, and then a Marilith. In response, Skud sends out Rowan, so pretty evenly matched. That's not a joke, either, Rowan immediately shoots off two of the Skull Lord's three skulls. And then the third head. She kills it. Fuckin Gary sends out a Lich and "a bone'y lady", and Skud sends out his Beholder and Lahni, who immediately kills the Lich. Rick the Beholder kills the Marilith, so Fuckin Gary sends out a Bone Bird and a vampire thing. Those two things are able to team up on the Beholder, so Skud sends out Toby and the Astral Dreadnought. The AD kills the "Bone-y Lady" (a Drow), and the Lich kills Rowan! It's okay, though, she just goes back into the card.

Finally, Lahni kills the Vampire, and the Astral Dreadnought kills the Bone Bird. It's a long, hard-fought battle, but our heroes win in the end. And the crowd cheers.

### Short

Bone Card Battle Vs. Fuckin Gary. Spoilers, The Tower of Grey wins!

## **Trivia**

* Hoby hates Doug the baby Astral Dreadnought, but Doug loves Hoby. Really makes you think...
* We all of course remember, that Skud's dog is named Squelch
* Fuckin Gary is short, about 12 years old, brown spikey hair, wearing a black collared shirt, with one of the collars sticking up, the other one isn't, purple wrist sweatbands, and a little white fanny pack.

## **In This Episode...**

### **Cast and Player Characters**

* Michael DiMauro - *Dungeon Master*
* Tim Lanning - Toby Treacletart / Hoby
* Jennifer Cheek - Rowan Grey
* Mike Bachmann - Skud Derringer / Rick the Beholder / The Astral Dreadnought
* Nika Howard - Lahnik "Lahni" Caplain

### **Locations**

* The Elemental Plane of Air
	+ Venduria

### **Quest Log Updates**

* [On-Hold] - Stop Tiamat!
* [Active] - Destroy The Orb!
	+ [Active] - Find the first missing piece
		- [Active] - Gain access to the Elite Forge
			* [On Hold] - Defeat Lucious Incendous, Master of the Fire Plane
			* [Complete] - ~~Defeat Fuckin Gary, Master of the Air Plane~~
	+ [On-Hold] - Find the third missing piece
		- [On-Hold] - Investigate the final location
* [On-Hold] - Find Adira Harper
* [On-Hold] - Return to Catherine Beanlord's graveyard in The Elemental Plane of Earth get the body of Tuck Frump
* [Active][Jaeludra] - Investigate the Great Colosseum in Caer

### **Quotes**

* **"We're gonna kill a child... Well, not kill them. But, you know, embarrass them."** ~ *Jennifer Cheek*
* **"Look, everything is killing everything in one shot!"** ~ *Michael DiMauro*
* **"Put that in your puffer and jack off!"** ~ *Mike Bachmann*

## **Rolls**

* **Recap**
	+ Tim - 9
	+ Nika - 5
	+ Jennifer - 3
	+ **Bachmann - Nat1 - Reverse Bapped**

* **Toby** rolls *Nature* to give Doug the Astral Dreadnought a treat
	+ 22
		- Fails

*Bone Card begins vs. Fuckin Gary*

* **Initiative**
	+ Fuckin Gary - >4
	+ Skud - 4

*Round One*

* **Fuckin Gary**
	+ Sends out a Skull Lord
	+ Sends out a Marilith

* **Skud**
	+ Sends out Rowan
	+ Pumps Rowan up

* **Rowan**
	+ Casts *Hail of Thornes*, Ranged Attack vs Skull Lord
		- 21
			* Hit - 90 damage
	+ Ranged Attack Skull Lord
		- 20
			* Hit - 48 damage - *Kills it*

*Round Two*

* **Fuckin Gary**
	+ Sends out a Lich
	+ {after Lich's move} Sends out "a bone-y lady" (a Drow)

* **Lich**
	+ Casts *Power Word Kill*
		- Since Rowan has fewer thant 100 HP, she immediately dies

* **Skud**
	+ Sends out Lahni
	+ Sends out Beholder

* **Lahni**
	+ Comes out swinging, Melee Attacks {x4} vs Lich
		- 15, 17, 13, 29 (I think)
			* Miss, Hit, Miss, Hit - 64 + 72 damage - *Kills it*

* **Rick the Beholder**
	+ Casts *Disintegration Ray* on the Marilith, requiring a DC 16 Dex saving throw
		- Nat1
			* Critical Fail - 240 damage! - *Kills it!*

*Round Three*

* **Fuckin Gary**
	+ Sends out a Bone Bird
	+ {After Bone Bird} Sends out a lanky, toothy thing (vampire?)

* **Bone Bird**
	+ Casts *Prismatic Spray* on Beholder, requiring a Dex saving throw
		- 4
			* Fail - 74 damage

* **Lanky, Toothy Thing**
	+ Casts *a spell* vs Beholder, requiring a Con saving throw
		- 9
			* Fail - 76 damage - *Kills it*

* **Skud**
	+ Sends out Toby
	+ Sends out Astral Dreadnought

* **Toby**
	+ Casts *Wall of Force* to protect Lahni and himself

* **Astral Dreadnought**
	+ Aims Cone of Non-Magic-y at the Drow (I think)
	+ Bites at Drow
		- 31
			* Hit - 34 damage
	+ Claws at Drow {x2}
		- Nat20, 35
			* Hit, Hit - 64 + a ton of damage - *Kills it*

*Round Four*

* **Fuckin Gary**
	+ Pumps up Bone Bird
	+ Pumps up Vampire

* **Lahni**
	+ Punches ~~Bird Thing~~ Vampire
		- 15, 26, 21, 26
			* Miss, Hit, Hit, Hit - 52 + 74 + 88 damage - *Kills it*

* **Bone Bird**
	+ Casts *Fireball* {at 8th level} at --
		- Toby casts *Counterspell* at 6th level to stop it
			* Must roll an 18 or higher - 16
				+ Fails
	+ Casts *Fireball* at the Astral Dreadnought
		- ??
			* Hit - 96 damage

* **Toby**
	+ Casts *Finger of Death* on the Bone Bird, requiring a Con saving throw
		- 6
			* Fail - 57 damage

* **Astral Dreadnought**
	+ Moves Non Magic Zone at the bird
	+ Does a bite
		- 28
			* Hit - 39 damage
	+ Does a claw
		- 26, 26
			* Hit, Hit - 40 damage - *Kills it*

*Combat Ends*