One Ten Go!

One Ten Go! is the fourth chapter in the Wombles Two.

Mrs Steed heard a knock on the MESO door suddenly.  “Come in!” she said.  Peter swung the door open.  “What do you want?  Go away!” said Mrs Steed.  “Trust me,” said Peter.  “No.” said Emma.  “Yes.” Said Peter.  “That man you married is a criminal.”  Emma rolled her eyes and said, “You’re just trying to trick me.”  Peter pulled out a fake wanted poster of Steed that looked real to Emma.  “What?” she said shocked.  “Do I really need to tell you his whole criminal history?” asked Peter.  “No, I… I believe you.  But as I said last time, nothing is going to stop me loving him.” Peter was angry.  “What?  Seriously? You are in love with a criminal? Forget about him.  Trust me, it is better to be Mrs Peel!”  Mrs Steed sighed and finally said, “Fine.  I guess… I guess you’re right.”

“Oh no he isn’t!” shouted Tara coming in with hot acorn juice.  “Oh yes I am!” said Peter.  Tara took out her policeman puppet and got into the punch and judy theatre.  “Where is Mr Punch?” she asked in a funny voice. Emma had to be Mr Speel in the past to do her funny voice.  She stuck on her fake moustache and became Mr S Teed instead.  She went into the small theatre with Mr Punch on her hand. “What’s the way to do it?” asked Mr S Teed.  “Kill Peter!  Kill Kill Kill” replied Mr T Ara.  The policeman puppet pointed a gun at Peter and said “Read the book!”.

Peter was quite surprised to see a book called Loving Mrs Peel next to him.  It was written by T Ara.  He read it when the policeman shot off his hat then he looked at the puppets. “I love you!” he said and grabbed them. Peter, Mr Punch and the policeman (they were on his hands) ran back to the old burrow.  He saw Ronda in tears and smiled “Don’t worry Ronda” he said “I love you!”

Ronda thought he was madder than ever with his silly grin and puppets on his hands.  Then she got an idea.  “Come with me love!” she said and led him into a glass cabinet.  Quick she injected him with a black liquid and locked the door.  The name for the cabinet was Peter Peel!  “Now to deal with Cathy!” she said evilly.

Emma was fighting Tara in real life now.  “You are evil!” she said as she still thought that Peter was telling the truth about Steed being a criminal.  Venus came in and helped Emma.  They both hated Tara now.  Steed came in and assumed that they were fighting Tara because she had turned evil, so was about to help, when suddenly, Emma started fighting him.  “Traitor!” she said.  “Not again!” said Steed, rolling his eyes.  “Everyone thinks I’m a traitor!”  Then Emma knocked him out and carried him off.  After putting him in the trap with the cell, glass cylinder, Remember You’re A Womble, MacWomble, and all that, she went back to Wimbledon Common.  She fell into a burrow with glass cabinets in it.  She found one with a stuffed Peter in it.  “Peter!” she exclaimed.  “No!” She found a white liquid.  She injected him with it and it un-stuffed him! “Emma?” he said surprised.  “What happened?  I was just in a really dark firey place with no escape.”  Emma slowly said, “You were dead.  Were you in…”  Peter looked worried, then lied, “Don’t worry I’m just playing with you.  I was actually in this really nice place that was like a field of flowers.”  “Phew!” said Emma, then looked round.  She saw a cabinet marked, “John Steed”.  She was worried for a bit, then tutted at herself, and convinced herself that it was a good thing to stuff him.  This was not going well for Steed!  Now Peter, Emma, Ronda, Cathy, and Dr Keel all hated him!

“Emma, where is Venus? Where is Dr King?” Peter asked. Emma replied “Really not sure about Dr King, Venus was in the womble burrow hating Tara.”  “Oh, wombles!” said Peter “I’ll get my tranquiliser gun and fill my museum!”  “Hang on! Not that womble thing again!  I’ll stuff Steed but NOT wombles, NOT MY wombles!” Emma grabbed the black hypodermic needle and stuffed Peter again.  She was not going to put up with womble hunting!

Venus had found Dr King still tapping his toes even she hadn’t been in the club for ages.  “Steed is in trouble again!  They are saying he’s a traitor.”  She told Dr King.  “Not again!” he said.  They headed off to rescue Steed but the trap was empty and there was a hole in the floor. They were confused.  A shadow moved past them.  They followed it to a dark green Bentley.  “Hop in!” said Steed emerging from the shadow.  They did even though they wanted to walk.  “Where are we going?  The others say you are a traitor for about the millionth time!” said Dr King.  Steed replied “On holiday to get One Ten and knock some sense into everybody!”  Venus was shocked “What about Mother?”  “What about her?” said Steed “I’m a big boy now!”

They roared off to the countryside into a village called Murdersville.  “Nice name, very quaint” said Martin.  All the villagers looked very friendly waving their guns at them. Steed found the hotel easily there was only one building in Murdersville.  He rang the bell at the desk.  “Hello Sir” said an evil looking bald man with a movie camera.  “I’ve come to collect One Ten” said Steed.  Two actors accidentally spilt water on Steed, Dr King and Venus so they had to stay the night.  Later they saw One Ten having dinner.  “One Ten!  You look well!” said Steed then whispered “We need you, the Avengers have gone mad and keep saying I’m a traitor.”  One Ten winked a knowing wink and casually lead them to shady part of the hotel garden.

Emma suddenly realised what she had just done.  “Oh no I’ve killed him!” and she injected Peter with the white liquid again.  “No hunting but if you like we can show people the burrow that they live in.” she said.  Peter was happy.  “Really? We can advertise the secret of the wombles to whole wide world?”  “Um… well yes I am their leader after all so they can’t really stop me.”  Peter was confused.  “You’re not a womble.”

“You are one lucky womble!” said Shansi as she cleaned Yellowstone’s wounds.  “No I’m not!” he replied.  “You’re not womble?” asked Shansi.  “No!” he started to say but got interrupted.  “Well you really do look like a womble.”  “I AM A WOMBLE!” he said trying to be patient “However I am NOT LUCKY!” he finished.  “Why?” asked Shansi.  Oslo had enough.  “Enuv! He ist looky to have us vescue him! Not looky to be vomblenapped ja!” Botany agreed “Ja” he said wondering why he had turned German.

Yellowstone wasn’t well enough to travel really but then something occurred to him.  “The vomblelation!  I mean womblelation!  We must get to Wimbledon Common!”  “JA!” they all chorused and headed off in the balloon.  They didn’t notice another balloon following them until it roared. Oslo pressed a button in the trolley and wings came out of the sides.  “They vurk by us flapping ja!”  He said this as everyone had started flapping.  They all replied together “Ist faster ja!” and it was. They raced back to Wimbledon and landed by the burrow.  The roaring balloon landed by the old burrow.

The white balloon entered the old burrow, accidentally locking the door as it did.  Emma and Peter gasped as everything went dark. Then they heard a sound. “Rooooaaaarrr”  Their teeth were chattering.  After a good conversation they went quiet.  A big white thing appeared.  “A g-g-g-ghost!” they shouted then collapsed unconscious.

In Murdersville Steed, Dr King and Venus were listening carefully to One Ten.  He was talking in low tones explaining how he was a prisoner and not on holiday.  “We know” they said.  “How?” asked One Ten.  “Mother told us!” they replied.  “And” said One Ten “that is quite right.  Mother usually knows best.”  Steed looked serious.  “Who had sent you here?”  “I don’t know Steed.”  Venus interrupted “Yes you do!”  One Ten looked exasperated.  “Of course I know Steed!  I don’t know who sent me here!”  “Oh!” said Venus “By the way I am the Royal Singer.”  Steed added “I am Lord Sir John Steed!”  Martin tried his best.  “I am Dr Martin King!”  They all ignored him.  “Anyway” continued Steed “It was none other than Mother who had you captured with a holiday as cover!”

One Ten was shocked “I used to think that Mother knows best but to be arrested is such a pest.  Oh brother it was none other than Mother! “ He continued “Tell you what I have a plan, Steed please distract that man.”  Steed started chatting to an actor.  One Ten hit him with a tractor.  They tried to run away but there was a price to pay.

Gas poured out of a vent then everything went black.  Venus woke up in what looked like an old western town.  She was wearing a cow girl outfit and a gun belt.  She tried the pearl handled pistol.  It felt very real and looked it too as a passing pigeon fell out of the sky.  There was a saloon with swinging doors.  Cautiously she walked in.  Everybody put down their beer and red eye.  A big man walked up to her with a rolling gait.  “Ain’t seen you round here before lady.” He said In a corny western accent.  “Well” said Venus “I’ve jolly well seen you!  One Ten hit you with a tractor earlier!”  The man didn’t reply he just said “draw”.  Venus did a quick portrait and showed him.  “No!  Draw your gun!”  Venus did a nice picture of her pistol.  “No! Draw your gun and fire!  At me!”   Venus did an even nicer portrait of her pistol then shot him.  He slumped to the floor but so did she.

Venus woke up in what looked like a creepy graveyard.  She was wearing a long black dress now.  As she explored there was nothing you wouldn’t expect in a graveyard until something shocking.  It was a sign that read The Death of Venus King.  A big black car pulled up.  The driver said to her “Get in Mrs King.”  A coffin was open in the back.  The man looked like the one who had been hit by tractor and shot.  She was going to run but caught sight of Steed hiding behind a grave stone.  He winked and gave her the thumbs up.  So she got in the coffin.

The car didn’t go far. It stopped at a burial plot with an open grave.  The hotel manager was there with his movie camera, smiling manically as he filmed the coffin being buried.  “I’ve done it!” he shouted “The greatest movie ever recorded!  The Death of Venus King, Royal Singer!”  Steed walked and shook him by hand.  “Well done old boy!  Now how about a drink to celebrate!”  “Ja!” replied the mad man.  Steed gave one of his gooseberry cider miniatures.  He gave one to the actor being a funeral director as well. They drank them, smiled, danced, shouted, turned green and finally fainted.

Steed kicked what looked like the sky.  It fell down. It was actually a fake wall for a movie set.  One Ten and Venus were waiting.  One Ten was still worried though.  “Steed there are still loads of actors guarding us.  What about them?”  “Not a problem” he replied.  They followed Steed’s instructions.  First they went to the kitchen and set off the fire alarm.  Every actor that came to put out the fire (that wasn’t there) got clocked on the head with a saucepan.

When all the actors were knocked out they headed for Steed’s Bentley.  It was too late when they realised Dr King was left behind.  He was running up the road shouting “wait, wait” when a giant lorry rolled up behind him.  The driver was a womble in a golden coat.  Dr King was surprised to see Steed’s flat, Tara’s flat, Steed’s yellow Bentley, Emma’s Lotus Elan and Tara’s Lotus Europa on the trailer.  “Can I help you return that Bentley?” he asked. Idaho could see he was tired so he got Dr King to hop into the cab with him.  They rumbled on towards the Wimbledon burrow.