The Hotdog Archives

**The Hotdog Archives**, or "THA," is an analog horror comedy series created by Halo Gen and Ajacks13. It follows the efforts of Cecil Darnell, owner of the failed hotdog restaurant "Hank's Hotdogs," as he tries to keep the police from discovering that one of his haunted animatronics has killed two teenagers.

The series takes inspiration from popular analog horror series such as FNaF VHS and The Walten Files, but with a comedic spin.

## The Hotdog Archives I

We watch a tape introducing us to our new job at Hank's Hotdogs, a hotdog restaurant that features animatronic entertainers, who form a band called the Sausage Symphonies. The tape's Narrator explains that as a part of our new job (as a robotics technician) we will be in charge of repairing and maintaining the animatronics (Pizo the Pizza, Nancy the Nugget, Johnson Bohnson, and the star attraction, Hank Hotdog). However, as the tape progresses, it becomes interrupted by a ghostly presence. The Narrator tells us that the restaurant is currently haunted, but tries reassuring us that everything is perfectly safe and we are in no danger whatsoever. He keeps being interrupted by the spirit as the glitches become worse and worse. Suddenly, everything goes quiet. The Narrator cautiously tries to get back on track answering our questions, only for the glitches to come back with great intensity. Ultimately the Narrator gives up and the tape cuts to black.

After a few seconds, we hear a text-to-speech voice read a newspaper article explaining that the police are actively searching for the top suspect in the recent murder of three children on August 19th. The suspect is Mason Wharton, father of the three children and co-owner of Hank's Hotdogs, where the murders took place. A picture of Wharton fades onscreen as this is read. The article goes on to say that Wharton was last seen fleeing his home on August 29th, and was wearing Hawaiian vacation clothes. Police Chief Andrew McCoy has made a statement claiming that Wharton was responsible for taking his own children to the restaurant, where he promptly dismembered them. The audio cuts off as this is said, however, and Wharton's picture turns blood-red and his eyes take on a disturbing look, staring directly at the viewer. After a few seconds of silence, reversed audio begins playing, before being cut off. The closed captions claim that the voice is saying "Ooh, look at me, I'm talking in reverse, oooh scary!" The picture abruptly changes to a close-up of Wharton's distorted face, which has been sporadically appearing throughout the tape so far. It glitches out as discordant carnival music begins blaring. The captions read "Oh my gosh scary carnival music, aah! This is so scary, aah!" The video cuts and the tape ends.

Our second tape begins. A title card appears onscreen, explaining that this tape is confidential, and belongs to the Johnston Police Department of Iowa. By turning on closed captions, we learn this tape was created in May, 1990, placing it after the events of the previous one (1975). The tape documents evidence related to the case of two missing teens, Joel Lorenzo (17) and Raymond Diggle (18), who recently disappeared on May 16th, and were reported missing on the 17th. The boys were last seen attempting to break into the old hotdog restaurant over on 5th Avenue. This tape includes a recording of a phone call between the two boys prior to their disappearance, and footage recovered from a personal camcorder found in the storage room of the restaurant by two officers. We hear Joel and Raymond's call as Joel convinces Raymond to go visit the old Hank's Hotdogs restaurant to investigate the rumors of supposed hauntings inside the building. Raymond agrees to come if he can bring weed, and as he claims that this will be fun, his voice glitches out and his picture becomes heavily distorted. Joel becomes disturbed by this, but Raymond apologizes and claims he suffers from a stutter.

We cut to live footage recorded by Joel, as he documents their investigation into the old hotdog restaurant. Raymond decided to wear a hotdog costume to gain the trust of the Hank Hotdog animatronic. Joel remarks on how this makes sense, before going on to try and explain the rumors of paranormal activity following the 1975 murders. Raymond keeps distracting him however, as he noisily eats chips and makes random comments the whole time. The boys realize they forgot their bolt cutters, and head out to buy some.

Inside the old restaurant, Raymond remarks on how filthy the place is, and asks Joel how they're going to communicate with Hank Hotdog. Joel reveals he brought a ghost detector to help them communicate, and they begin asking Hank questions. The animatronic is unresponsive, and the boys quickly get bored. Raymond jokingly asks Hank why his forehead is so big, and the pair take turns mocking the animatronic for several more minutes. Suddenly, the animatronic springs to life and begins playing distorted audio. Joel and Raymond are excited by this, and cheer the robot on as it starts "spazzin' out." The footage cuts and we see a cartoon depiction of Joel and Raymond. A cartoon version of Hank descends upon them, remarking "RATIO," before the cartoon Joel and Raymond become bloody as distorted noises play out.

Cut back to the footage; the camera is on the floor in some room as we hear Joel pushing something in front of the door. Hank pounds and claws at the door with all his might, and the two boys realize he's probably gonna break in soon. They're very nonchalant about this however, and decide to smoke a joint real quick before Hank gets inside. Hank eventually breaks in, and Raymond offers the robot a joint, as we hear Hank scream at them. The video cuts, and we get several seconds of silence before a strange droning sound begins playing. We see a picture of Joel and Raymond's missing posters fade in, as a robotic voice proclaims, "Bruh." The video then ends.

## The Hotdog Archives II

We begin with a company PSA, presented by Cecil Darnell, the second Hank's Hotdogs co-owner. He announces that he's going out of town for a while, so he's recording this message to address the recent concerns about the restaurant being haunted. Cecil is quick to assure the employees that the restaurant is *not* haunted, in any way by any means. He denounces any rumors spread by previous employees as completely untrue, and not-so-subtly warns that any employees caught spreading more of these rumors will be fired. He then proceeds to announce that, in order to prevent any future incidents like the one that happened back in August, the restaurant will be looking for a night watchman to monitor the building. To close off his statement, Cecil tells employees that if they see any signs of paranormal activity (not to say it *is* paranormal activity, though) they should document them and send them to him, or to the future night guard so they can turn them in to the proper authorities. However, Cecil unintentionally reveals his true intentions when his Assistant asks him who they'll be giving that evidence to. Cecil bluntly states that he'll simply lock any "evidence" in his vault, as he doesn't want anyone finding out that the restaurant is haunted. His other Assistant awkwardly points out that the camera's still on, causing Cecil to curse in a panic, as the tape ends.

Our second tape starts. It is a training tape created for future Hank's Hotdogs night guards. A text-to-speech voice welcomes us, and immediately informs the viewer that they're not allowed to discuss their experiences or what they witness while working in the restaurant, and flat-out tells us that the restaurant is "super haunted." It informs us that as a night watchman, our primary task is to collect and catalogue "ghost evidence," with actual security work being a secondary objective. Specifically, guards are to keep a close eye on the animatronics through the restaurant's brand new security system.

As the voice lists off the different noises one can expect to hear in the restaurant, we cut to a camera feed from the backstage room. We hear Tommy Wharton, from within the Johnson Bohnson animatronic, pester his sister Jane with regards to a question about reincarnation. Jane gets upset at the strange question, prompting Tommy to ask her about soup instead. They get into an argument where Jane tells him to shut up, and Tommy says he's just trying to kill some time around here. As Jane tells him to leave her alone, we hear a rat squeal as a buzzsaw supposedly slices through it. Angie, from within Pizo, excitedly tells her brother and sister that she finally got the robot's saw to work, much to Tommy and Jane's disgust.

This segment ends, and we return to the training tape. The voice informs us that if one of the animatronics happens to start wandering around at night, we should lock our doors and avoid engaging with them. Most of the animatronics simply want to pester you, and don't actually pose much of a threat to your life, so ignoring them will eventually get them to go away. However, the voice warns us that the exception to this is Hank Hotdog, who is notably much more aggressive and hostile to staff and patrons alike. Under absolutely NO circumstances are we EVER to engage with Hank Hotdog-

As the voice says this, we cut to black. Newspaper articles appear onscreen as we hear a police officer demand Mason Wharton come out of wherever he's hiding and turn himself in. Mason laments that Satan is going to kill him once he tells him how he's screwed up this time. After thinking about it for a moment, Mason decides he's going to go out *his* way, since he can't deal with Satan's bullshit right now. He's interrupted by the officer, announcing that they're going to bust in on the count of three. Mason stops them, insisting that he has to go to the bathroom first. After thinking about it, the officer decides to grant Mason this request, but if he doesn't come out in five minutes, they're breaking in. Mason thanks the officer, and after trying to explain something to him, he seems to shoot himself. We cut to a distorted red picture of Mason, Which slowly takes on Hank's features as we hear an evil voice shout "NO."

After a brief cut back to the training tape, we return to the surveillance feed. We hear Hank start to sing in a distorted voice, prompting the new night guard, Jerry, to come down to the backstage room to tell him off. Jerry yells at Hank that he can't be playing "the greatest hits of the Roaring 20's" at 2:00 in the morning. Hank starts to scream and reaches out for Jerry, who shuts the door on him and walks away. As Hank pounds on the door, Jerry comments that if he didn't know better, he'd say that Hank was haunted, and that's why he keeps playing music all on his own every night. Of course, his boss (Cecil) told him that the restaurant *wasn't* haunted, so it must be true. At that moment, Hank escapes the backstage room, and once Jerry turns to look at him, his flashlight dies. As Jerry struggles to turn his flashlight back on, Hank approaches him, threatening to kill him if he doesn't leave. Jerry repeatedly demands that Hank wait, confusing the animatronic. Once Jerry replaces the batteries in his light, it turns back on. He is greeted by Hank's warped face inches away from his own, and asks if Hank could not stand so close to him, for the sake of his personal space. Hank's eyes roll backwards and he attacks, letting out a blood-curdling scream as the tape cuts to static. If you pause here, you can see a message in text between Jerry and Cecil, implying that Jerry survived, and that Cecil got furious at him for messing around with Hank. Jerry is confused, since Cecil told him the building wasn't haunted, only for Cecil to point out that statement was merely a PR thing. Oh well.

Finally we jump forward in time to a tape from 1990, this one being an archived recording of a police interrogation reel. The suspect in question is Cecil Darnell, and he is being interrogated by police Lieutenant Steve Forskin and Detective Ryan Johnston in regards to the disappearance of Joel Lorenzo and Raymond Diggle 4 days prior. Cecil denies any knowledge of these two people, but when Forskin points out that they went missing shortly after breaking into Hank's Hotdogs, Cecil becomes shocked. When Forskin asks Johnston to retrieve the camcorder some of the officers found at the restaurant (after a bit of bickering), Cecil points out how much Forskin enjoys his job. He rather sinisterly asks the Lieutenant to remember who *got him* that job. Forskin takes a long, comedically drawn-out sip of his mug, which confuses both Cecil and Johnston once he returns.

After watching the tape (The same Joel and Raymond tape from Episode One), Cecil is left speechless. Forskin is curious as to why Cecil is still holding on to the old restaurant, despite not seeming to be doing anything with it, but Cecil gets defensive. He points out how the restaurant is *his* property, and whatever he does with it is *his* business. He then goes on to say that to him, it appears as though Forskin is eager to press charges on him without any concrete evidence that anything happened to those boys. Forskin retorts that it appears to *him* that Cecil has been keeping dangerous equipment in an unsecure area, and he could be in serious trouble if those boys are found dead due to his own negligence. Cecil then resorts to bribery, which Johnston is 100% on board with. After some more arguing, Forskin tells Cecil he can leave. Cecil warns Forskin that he is making a grave mistake, pointing out that Forskin's higher ups would love to know about the bribe he took in '75. Forskin stands his ground, however, admitting that he was young and ambitious back then, but he won't be taking Cecil's bribes anymore. As Cecil leaves, Forskin chastises Johnston again for his behavior. Johnston's defense is that he needs money.

We cut to a recording taken from Cecil's car, after his interrogation. Shortly after climbing inside and taking a deep breath, he starts hyperventilating, panicking that the police are surely going to find out what Hank did to Joel and Raymond. He tries reassuring himself that they have no proof....until he recalls that Hank and the others had cameras installed on them back in '86. As he tries calming down, he realizes what he must do: he needs to get the camera inside Hank's head and decommission him. However, since he obviously can't do it by himself, he decides he needs "Johnny's" help. He sighs, and decides to call him.

This segment ends, and we cut to a recording from Hank's POV, likely taken from his cameras. As JPD officers investigate the building, Hank says to himself that he "will not go back," and that "these kids just don't understand." He says he *still* can't deal with Satan's bullshit right now, and threatens to harm whoever tries to send him back "there." He then realizes the officers can hear him talking to himself, and shuts up. The tape ends with Hank whispering "That was close...." ending the video.

## Hank's Hotdogs Company Archives | Item # 029

In this secret unlisted video hidden within Episode Two, we are treated to an old tape taken from the company archives of Hank's Hotdogs. The tape is dated to April 25th, 1973, and is titled "First Commercial." The video starts and we are treated to a delightful commercial for Hank's Hotdogs....for about 15 seconds before it is abruptly interrupted.

For some peculiar reason, we cut to camera footage from Joel and Raymond's camcorder, showing their trip to the hardware store to procure bolt cutters. Raymond expresses reservations about going to the restaurant, worried that they might run into hobos or dogs, or even worse, the owners. Joel is skeptical, pointing out that Mason Wharton died years ago, and that other guy (Cecil) probably doesn't go to Hank's Hotdogs *every* day. This quells Raymond's worries, and he changes the topic to the Wharton family themselves. He recalls that one of the children, Jonathan, managed to survive, and Joel mentions that he heard his mom went missing sometime after. Raymond says that Jonathan is "Like, the last Wharton, man...." and that he should write a book. Joel tells him that it might be too soon for that, and Raymond apologizes. Before they leave, Raymond asks Joel if they can buy some new chips, as the ones they have are stale. Joel says they can, as long as Raymond's paying. This sparks a small argument, and Raymond ultimately decides that they should just get going. "Hotdogs awai-"

The tape cuts to black, as a distorted tone plays. Once it stops, a slowed, distorted antique song begins to play, as text appears onscreen:

**"It's been a while. Hasn't it? You're in trouble again. Aren't you? I know about what happened. I felt the presence of these two long before the police even got involved."**

**"I know you still watch all these old tapes. You can't ignore me any longer, Cecil. It's time you tell Johnny the truth. He needs to know."**

**"You can't escape the consequences of your actions forever. Soon they're all going to catch up to you. And when they do. You're gonna cry like a little bitch."**

***"And I'm gonna laugh at you so fucking hard."***

From there, the music becomes sped up and discordant. A doll-like face, presumably that of an animatronic, can be seen glitching in the darkness. As the music becomes more warped, the face is slowly illuminated, until the music abruptly stops and the doll's visage takes on an eerily human appearance.

The tape is suddenly stopped by whoever is watching in-universe. As they remove the tape from the VCR, the viewer is revealed to be Cecil Darnell, as he mutters to himself "Mm-mm. Naw. Fuck. *That."* and discards the tape in the garbage.

## Hank's Hotdogs Commercial Reel

In a special supplemental video, the members of A.C.R.O.N.M. (the people documenting the series in-universe) present a series of Hank's Hotdogs advertisements released between the 70's and 80's.

• "A Message From Our Founders" (1973) - This commercial features Cecil and Mason inviting everyone to come down to the brand new Hank's Hotdogs. As Cecil tries to talk, Mason interrupts him, advertising an "all-you-can-eat" hotdog buffet. He then challenges the viewer to beat his record of devouring 5 "spicy Kentucky-fried wiener dogs" in 30 minutes, for the reward of a 50% off discount for the rest of their lives. Cecil decides this commercial's gone on long enough and orders the cameras to be cut, as Mason grabs one and orders the viewer to "....get your ass off the couch and come to Hank's Hotdogs!"

• "Are You Hungry?" (05/17/1974) - This commercial features a Hank's Hotdogs employee named Jeremy unenthusiastically advertising the restaurant's selection of hotdogs. Throughout the commercial he makes references to his wife leaving him, and ends off the ad by rudely cussing out the viewer.

• "Animatronic Showcase" (07/02/1974) - This commercial showcases The Sausage Symphonies as they perform for a crowd. Going off the notes left by A.C.R.O.N.M., it seems this ad was made after Johnson Bohnson was recently added to the group. After Hank gives him his cue to perform his solo, Johnson Bohnson begins to recite the process by which one files for a Chapter 7 bankruptcy, much to the displeasure of the audience.

• "Hotdogfest" (08/21/1974) - This commercial advertises a special event taking place at Hank's Hotdogs called "Hotdogfest," where patrons are encouraged to enjoy an "all-you-can-eat hotdog experience." According to the A.C.R.O.N.M. notes, the company had accidentally ordered triple their usual hotdog supply and was desperate to get rid of it. This evident in the narrator announcing that the viewer will be paid $5 for every 50 hotdogs they manage to eat, before desperately begging people to come eat them.

• "Halloween Haunts" (10/01/1974) - In this seasonal commercial, a Haunted Mansion-esque narrator announces limited time Halloween deals at Hank's Hotdogs. In an ironic fashion, the narrator insinuates that the restaurant's animatronics may or may not be haunted as well. Oh if only they knew what was in store for them....

• "Grand Reopening" (08/18/1985) - This commercial is the first of many released in the mid-80's, announcing that "after years of closure" Hank's Hotdogs was finally opening it's doors back to the public. After boasting about the restaurant's brand new selection of food, safer animatronics, and freshly waxed floors, the narrator tells everyone to mark their calendars for the grand reopening next year on June 20th, 1986. The ad ends with the Hank Hotdog animatronic saying that he "can't wait" to see us again, before a faint voice ominously groans out "You...."

• "Terrestrial Beings" (09/10/1985) - According to the A.C.R.O.N.M. notes, this advert was made in an attempt to cash in on the sci-fi alien trend in the 80's. It features a little alien puppet announcing that they and the rest of their kind have come to our dimension for our hotdogs, asking to be taken to Hank's Hotdogs. After going over some food items, the alien tells us to come down to the restaurant today, before bidding us a farewell "Beep boop."

• "Bandito" (02/22/1986) - This commercial features The Sausage Symphonies, as depicted in a popular Hank's Hotdogs cartoon show. In this ad, the band confronts a Zorro-esque hotdog thief named Bandito, who has stolen the gang's hotdogs so he can resell them back at *his* restaurant. As Hank proclaims that the group will stop him, Bandito shoots him square in the chest, killing him instantly. The rest of the band are mortified, before they quickly get over it and start attacking Bandito while Hank bleeds out.

• "Food Warriors" (04/17/1986) - According to the A.C.R.O.N.M. notes, this advert was made in an attempt to cash in on all those "cool" kids cartoons in the 80's. It features a gang of anthropomorphic fruits and a vegetable called "The Food Warriors," who live in a desert wasteland fighting venomous monsters and voracious scavengers. Unfortunately, they have no one to make sure they're well-fed. That is until Hank Hotdog finds them and urges them to come to Hank's Hotdogs: the cure to any Food Warrior's hunger.

• "Bodacious Frankmaster" (06/03/1986) - The final ad in this compilation features a character called the Bodacious Frankmaster, apparently getting his own advertisement due to his popularity in the old Hank's Hotdogs cartoon. In this commercial, he advertises the restaurant's "legit" collection of arcade machines, but becomes confused when he sees that all they have are copies of PONG, as well as "this other chump game." As he voices his complaints, a voice urges him to just "stick to the script," and so the Frankmaster ends off telling viewers to come to Hank's Hotdogs: where only the raddest teens go.

## Sillies

No one must ever speak of the horrors that lie within the Sillies Playlist....