Memorable Quotes from ZNG Chat Posts

*See also: List of ZNG Chat Posts.*
The following is a list of quotes found in the first 32 of Ed™‘s 241 chat posts that are funnier, more creative, or in some way simply more memorable than most. If you remember a specific comment from a certain chat post and don't find it represented here, feel free to find the post in the list and add it here!

Due to Miiverse's 100-comment limit for posts, the chat posts have seen their fair share of memorable battles for last comment as well as these quotes.

To navigate this page you may want to simply browse, search for a name or topic, or use the table of contents below to find a specific post you're looking for (Tip: To use the links in the table of contents on mobile, you have to expand the sections at the bottom of the page first). Also, the background color of some of the comments shows their category! The categories at the present are:
Languages
Chicken
*The Lord of the Rings*
Cats/dogs
*Star Wars*

**Contents:**

Matthew's Chat Thread: 1 2 3

Ed™'s Chat Thread: 1 2 3 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32

## Matthew's Chat Thread

### First Chat Post

*"I'm officially Simon now."* —Matthew

*"WHAT IN THE WORLD IS EVEN HAPPENING HERE?!?"* —Matthew

*"I'm not really sure what to say. First this and then gluttonous zebras? You're an enigma, Ed."* —Matthew

### Second Chat Post

*"I love that I'm apparently the standard of measurement for the ZNG."* —Ed™

*"This violent outburst has been brought to you by the Society of People Who Want Simon to Watch/Read LoTR."* —Ed™

*"I just came to laugh really hard about one thing in particular. Elzo just now discovered Fully Faced Ed's secret identity amidst the previous thread. How long ago were we joking about how long it would be before he discovered it?"* —Stagger

### Third Chat Post

*"Hmm, I noticed this in my activity feed. ... What in the world?!?"* —Noelle

*"an old lady hissed at me today."* —Rau

*"This is off topic, but as Ed illustrated there was never a topic to begin with."* —Matthew

*"You have all contributed mightily to this discussion, covering anything and everything, from the concept of infinity to just why Ed is so strange. :)"* —Christian

*"Anyway, facts about me. I'm usually included as a ZNG person, I like Skyward Sword, Rau and Eva/Terzivaza are friends of mine, I like Skyward Sword, Skittles are good, I like Skyward Sword, and uh... I like Skyward Sword."* —Matthew

*"Hey, Matthew, do you like Skyward Sword? I don't think Christian knows enough yet if you like Skyward Sword. :p"* —Elzonire

*"I love Skyward Sword."* —Matthew

## Ed™'s Chat Thread

### Chat Post #1

*"Hear that Matt?!? Ed made a post specifically about me. You only think it's about you. Ha!"* —Blake

*"What was the purpose of this post?"* —Matthew

*"Excellent question. Perhaps someday I'll have an equally excellent answer."* —Ed™

*"@Tsuki: Y'know, you're the third person in the past week to get confused by one of these conversations."* —Ed™

### Chat Post #2

*"I'm doing an experiment to see how many posts on this community get ignored. Let me know if you don't read this."* —Ed™

*"Wow, raccoon role play."* —Noelle

*"Sooo anybody want a pickle?"* —Mistystar♪

*"...*" —Nintendoer (This got 6 Yeahs)

*"He says so much by saying nothing at all."* —Ed™

*"@Matt: What would be your reaction if Nintendo announced Skyward Sword HD and added Simon Blackquill as a Skyloft resident with a special courthouse sidequest?"* —Ed™

*"I would cease to be Matthew and would become hype itself. I would transcende the physical universe and become the essence of excitement. In actuality that doesn't make much sense."* —Matthew

### Chat Post #3

*"Welcome to the club! Welcome to the club! Welcome, Squidward, welcome, Squidward, welcome, Squidward, welcome, Squi-' 'SHUT YOUR PIEHOLES!!' Sorry, couldn't resist."* —Elzonire

*"Ed, I regret to inform you that I will not be sending you a friend request."* —Nintendoer

*"Because in order to do so, I would first need to remove you from my friends list, then ask you to re-accept it, which would be entirely pointless. =P*" —Nintendoer

(Elzonire tells Ed™ Japanese has no future tense.) *"No future tense? Do the Japanese never plan ahead?"* —Ed™

*"Uhh, I'm Blake. I've known Ed since before he had a face. I'm a person. I've been oficially diagnosed with a severe condition called mortality. I'm one third fish. Nice to meet you DD."* —Blake

### Chat Post #8

*"My little brother spends hours each day hiding alone in the backyard... He rips branches off trees, whittles them into spears, and practices throwing them. He and his homemade spears are surprisingly accurate and lethal. Should I be impressed by this, or scared?"* —Ed™

*"Little brothers can do just about anything you can do... They're capable of devious things. Guess who got military tripwire for Christmas and has lain it all over the house?"* —Ed™

*"Second identities are essential for starting a new life in Canada."* —Ed™

(Talking about homemade arrows) "*My ancestors used to make them all the time, so I guess it runs in the family. xD"* —Noelle

*"..."* —Matthew

*"..."* —Ed™

*"..."* —Matthew

*"???"* —Noelle

*"..."* —Blake

*"!!!"* —Ed™

*";;;"* —Blake

*"¿¿¿"* —Ed™

*"⁂⁂⁂"* —Blake

*"ЮЮЮ"* —Ed™

*"😎😎😎"* —Blake

*":{o :{o :{o"* —Noelle

*"⇔⇔⇔"* —Ed™

*"Guys what are you doing?????"* —Irish Girl

*"( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"* —Maguire

*"[ƒ:‹).(# what does that mean"* —YAD

*"Yad, you just said that your granduncle's tablecloth is named Thursday. I... don't think you're quite understanding this."* —Ed™

*"i was doing random stuff"* —YAD

*"Don't worry Yad, it's a fine art. It just takes a bit of time perfecting."* —Ed™

### Chat Post #9

*"I wish people would say I look irregular. Instead I'm constantly told I'm handsome, and I hate it."* —Matthew

*"I've been stung by 8 yellow jackets at the same time, I've slammed by head into a toilet, I've been about 10 feet into the air swinging when the swing chain broke and I flew shortly before slamming into the ground, I've fallen off by bike scraping all the first and part of the second layer skin off a side of my lower leg, had almost a hundered fire ant stings on my feet from kicking a mound over, ect."* —Matthew

*"How are you still alive after all that?"* —Ed™

*"I have been to the ER many times. At one hospital they know me by name, practically. Back in 2013 I was taken there three times in two months. That was the beginning of the end of my Tae-kwon-do career. XD"* —Ed™

*"@Bree: I tried summoning you telepathically, but evidently it didn't work."* —Ed™

*"Must've been blocked by the tinfoil hat I was wearing yesterday. There all the rage in my town."* —Bree†

*"Curse your tinfoily fashion trends!"* —Ed™

(Talking about Matthew) *"I have no idea who he really is. He's claimed to be both Matthew and Simon before. Friends came up with Peter and Mr. Persistent. By this point I doubt even he knows..."* —Ed™

### Chat Post #10

*"Corrupting the minds of kids is fun."* —Ed™

*"I taught my younger brother to say 'I know.' when somebody says 'I love you!' And also 'TRAITOR!' when somebody does something he doesn't like."* —Noelle

*"\*Gag, cough gag, wheeze\* can't... breathe..."* —Matthew

*"Also, notifications for a topic that I likely won't be able to follow or understand. Hmm."* —Elzonire

*"@Everybody else: \*Insert proper replies here\*"* —Ed™

*"You have the insolence to simply type 'insert a proper reply' rather than actually reply to me?"* —Matthew

*"Yup."* —Ed™

### Chat Post #11

*"Someone needs to make a spreadsheet of everyone's real name, nickname(s), Mii's names, alt(s) names, titles, and age. ... And MBTI type, weapon of choice, FE class, SS#, CC#, address, and we might as well end with whether or not they've read LotR."* —Blake

(2 of Ed™'s answers) *"Title: Grand High ZNG Leader of Importance, Sophistication, and keeping Simon in line. Weapon of choice: My massive bulging muscles."* —Ed™

*"'TRAITOR'? I'm interested to hear, how you got that nickname, Navajoelle..."* —Ed™

*"You know, for an offhanded comment, I feel like that one comment of mine has sparked some interesting conversation."* —Blake

### Chat Post #12

*"Stager mistakenly thought he was following me for a whopping eight months and spent that time thinking 'Why does Ed never post anything?'"* —Ed™

(Responding to Noelle introducing herself to Christian) *"^She also sells herself short. Art. Slam that follow button."* —Ed™

*"I am short. ;)"* —Noelle

*"Being short physically is just another reason to stand tall mentally."* —Ed™

*"Are you saying that tall people have less of a reason to stand tall mentally?"* —Matthew

*"Are you going to make a continuation post, Eddo?"* —Elzonire

*"Yes, yes, will you Wiru?"* —Christian

*"I think he Wiru! ...I'll leave now."* —Elzonire

*"I was totally gonna make a joke like that!"* —Christian

*"Randomness is a language I'm fluent in. XD"* —Bree†

### Chat Post #13

*"@Ed Why do you have, like, 7 alts by the way?"* —Christian

*"There's actually a very good reason for the alts, Chris. I have a natural talent for getting banned, usually as a result of my refusal to obey the Admins' religion restrictions. Since I decided that six bans in as many months (no, really) was too much for my main account, I started cranking out a bunch of expendable accounts that can get banned without me caring. The Admins can't chut me up, ever."* —Ed™

*"Ah yes, I understand. I wouldn't want them to chut me up either."* —Christian

*"Ostrich business is booming. I'm turning up fifteen hundred ostrich a year!"* —Ed™

(Talking about tripwires laid around the house by his brother) *"When the wires are tripped, it usually results in a toy sword dropping on you or a door slamming shut as if by magic. Y'know, jump scares. XD"* —Ed™

(Talking about his favorite cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory) *"Chocolate cheesecake, frozen brownie, and chocolate icing in alternating layers, stacked to twice the hight of regular cheesecake. Topped with rich chocolate icing, drizzled chocolate syrup, and chocolate chips. 1,700 calories of pure, salivating perfection and sugar. High metabolisms are awesome."* —Matthew

### Chat Post #14

*"... What. The. HECK. I leave y'all alone for six measly hours and the last forty comments on my chat post fill with a conversation that went from music and height to ancestry, food, and Mordor. AND BLAKE TOOK THE LAST COMMENT! Blake, you're exiled to the polar tundra. -\_-"* —Ed™

*"I like my fortress of solitude where it is. In solitude. Surrounded by wizards. And dragons. ... Mostly dragons."* —Blake

*"DON'T TALK ABOUT SMAUG. I'm not watching any of the Hobbit films until I'm done with LotR."* —Matthew

*"Naw. I was speaking of dragons along the likes of Ancalagon and Glaurung. Don't worry, it's in the Silmarillion, I'm not spoiling a movie. ... I'm just spoiling the books. Which are better."* —Blake

*"Bree has many tales of tomboyish violence towards her friends and sister. They usually involve the last brownie."* —Ed™

*"Oh no. A tomboy that likes brownies and is willing to hurt over them. I'm terrified. Ah. Excsue my sarcasm, I mean no offense."* —Matthew

*"Eddo-san: I hate chicken most of all."* —Elzonire

*"Jason-dono! How... How could you? How dare you have an opinion! Get in the badlands! Now!"* —Ed™

*"I learned many pressure points, though I can't remember most of them. I know one pressure point that forces you to show me your profile when I poke it, though."* —Ed™

*"@Bree: So this random dude named Chuck was walking around teaching random girls how to make people wet their pants? I wish I lived in your town."* —Ed™

*"Actually, my cousin taught me the wet your pants one. Chuck taught me the potentially deadly ones. XD"* —Bree†

*"@Matthew Yes, Chik-Fil-A is much better! It's unfortunate that the time I am most hankering for a chicken sandwich is right after I get out of church... :'("* —Christian

*"And I ain't lyin'! Nothing backs up a wholesome sermon quite like a #2!"* —Christian

*"Christian, MY LIFE! It's always on Sunday when I want something from there! :("* —Noelle

### Chat Post #15

*"I sentence thee to serve for six months in the onion mines. May the rocks be soft and the onions plentiful."* —Ed™

*"I'm not even part of this conversation but, ELVES ELVES ELVES ELVES ELVES! Hast thou not read the Silmarillion? HAST THOU?! \*hugs Elves protectively\*"* —Nanika

(Talking to Noelle about the Legend of Zelda cartoon) *"You've watched the show but not played a game. That is an atrocity. You've committed an unspeakable act that makes your future as a gamer uncertain. Rehabilitation will be long and difficult. Step one: play Wind Waker and Skyward Sword."* —Matthew

(In response to a comment by Noelle) *"Penguins of Madagascar? Decent? Ha. Haha. Hahahaha! April Fools' indeed!"* —Elzonire

(In response to a statement by Matthew in the "one does not simply" meme format) *"Only a LotR newbie and he's already Boromir memeing. Aww..."* —Ed™

*"But everyone who is sixteen must be on a date, it's a matter of principle!! Noelle knows how this works. Matt, I can't believe you missed out on this critical truism of life."* —Ray

*"Don't worry Cupcake. We won't spoil anything. ... But speaking of TFA, the part where Chewabacca's son dies was so sad..."* —Blake

### Chat Post #16

*"@Bree: Well, maybe next time you'll think twice before... obeying your parents? Oh. Mm, that doesn't sound right..."* —Ed™

*"Cupcake, Bree is a separate country from France."* —Ed™

*"\*Italy is a separate country from France. I have no idea why I typed Bree."* —Ed™

### Chat Post #17

(In response to Bree† talking about dog bark sounds in different languages) *"Dogs are diverse speakers, Bree. The most refined of all animals."* —Ed™

(In response to Ray's list of the 14 states and 8 countries he's visited) *"@Ray: Good grief, where haven't you been? You treasure hunting with Indiana Jones or something?"* —Ed™

(Japanese Google Translate Shenanigans #1) *"@Jason-dono: That translated to 'Why you are crying? Cry of Bowser is I do not know that it is No. 1? 'I do not want:! P' and you say? So ... Doggy!' I'm... still figuring that one out."* —Ed™

*"I can speak Geonosian. Some of the 'words' can be rather hard to say, but I do it somehow. Before my voice changed I used to be able to make the Acklay noises as well."* —Matthew

*"You're... Joking, right?"* —Noelle

*"No, I'm not. Puberty was unkind and redered my pharynx unable to do that now, but at one time I could. Never been able to do a wookie voice, though."* —Matthew

*"Declan, Español is easy. Just add "o" to the end of everything. ¡Yo wanto mucho Gatorado! Easy as pieo."* —Ed™

*"^\*massive facepalm\*"* —Amanda

(In response to Amanda saying her favorite drink is water [a Spanish conversation]) *"I mean don't get me wrong, agua is pretty refrescante... But to be your bebida favorita? Muy interesante..."* —Christian

*"There's nothing wrong with drinking water,Bucko."* —Amanda

*"Water is about all I drink as well. Call me addicted, but I don't think I could live without it."* —Ed™

(Noelle's response when the topic changed to Mistystar♪'s relationship trouble) *"I just dropped a full pizza on the ground if that helps... No? Yeah, my sense of humor is not helping."* —Noelle

*"You... dropped a pizza? Wow, that's tragic."* —Ed™

*"Ikr. I was planning on eating it all. I was keeping myself from eating in the car, but I regret that decision."* —Noelle

### Chat Post #18

(This one isn't funny, but instead a sincere and beautiful picture of love as said by Matthew. Even though this page is written with humor in mind, I didn't want to pass up including this.) *"True love is a meaning I am constantly on the search for, and I doubt anyone ever fully understands it, but I want to understand it as much as possible when I meet her in the distant future. I owe it to her to be ready, to be the best man I can be, and to be as close to Him as possible. In a sense, I already love this person I've never met before, but I have to find out who they are at some point, and undertstand what love is more in the meantime. Love is not an emotion. Emotions constantly change, love does not. The English language needs more words for love."* —Matthew

(This is how Bree† ended her response to the topic) *"Now ya'll are probably wondering, 'What the heck was that?' or 'Where did all that come from?' or 'Yeah, sure, whatever you say.' Haha! Or maybe you're not and that that was really very wise of me. Kidding!"* —Bree†

(Throughout the post, few agreed with Matthew's proposed solution to Mistystar♪'s problem, favoring Ed™'s, and Blake went as far to say, "Matt, for the first time in a while, you're dead wrong." Matthew later poked fun at those who would agree with Blake. When Blake later mentioned Matt's idea was "tweakable", this was his response.) *"Uh, Blake, what you suggested is good and all, but I would like to rub something in. A tweakable idea isn't dead wrong. I've been vindicated."* —Matthew

*"Am I the only one who thinks k!55ing is gr0ss?"* —Amanda

*"Nope. I'm still trying to figure out why any human would want their face that close to any other human. It doesn't matter how nice she smells, I don't want her in my face!"* —Ed™

*"Make them the one for you? Eh, pretty sure He'll let you know when you've got the right person. A relatively famous Christian man named John Cooper met his wife the day after he swore off of dating, and they lived happily ever after."* —Ed™

### Chat Post #19

*"I just realized that all my favorite singers are bearded. Mark Hall from Casting Crowns. Mac Powell from Third Day. Bart Millard from MercyMe. All unshaven. I'm working on a theory that facial hair acts as a voice filter to strain out bad sounds and make you sound better. Think of it like a personal auto-tuner."* —Ed™

(Matthew continues to be told he's "wrong") *"Great Hylia, is it gang up on Matthew time or something? XD"* —Matthew

*"AGH BLAKE IS TOO SMART FOR ALL OF US."* —Matthew

("Debate" refers to everyone's sentiments on Mistystar♪'s problem from earlier) *"In all seriousness, I loved the debate. Matt is never 100% wrong though. Unless I'm kicking his butt in a debate. <3"* —Rau

*"Huh. I really need to hold more conversations with people that I disagree with more. I mean, I can't even call Matt "dead wrong" before we end up agreeing on something..."* —Blake

*"Yes, I want a beard now. I don't plan on ever singing, but... It's a beard. You can't NOT want one. Unless you're any of the girls on this post. I doubt they want one."* —Ed™

*"I've seen a girl with a beard. It left me mentally scarred."* —Matthew

*"Either way, beards shouldn't be overdone. Long beards look awful and unkempt, like those duck people. Short beards and goatees and the like are cool, though."* —Matthew

*"Get out. Gandalf is hot."* —Rau

*"Aragorns beard is too sexy to talk about."* —Rau

### Chat Post #20

(Ed™'s sentiments on Rey from Star Wars: The Force Awakens) *"Kylo Ren is the guy who single-handedly toppled the New Jedi Order, and now all of a sudden this random girl who had never heard of the Force is better than him in every way. I mean, I get that's she's probably gonna end up as the greatest Jedi ever, that's just a bit too far-fetched for me."* —Ed™

### Chat Post #21

(Talking about The Force Awakens on Blu-Ray) *"I've had mine for a few days, but my parents want to watch it together as a family for the first time... I don't understand, we can do that AFTER I watch it myself ten times."* —Noelle

(Talking about Lego's) *"I still have over $1000 invested in those plastic bricks... So much childhood right there. I'd happily stay up past midnight because I lost track of time building some creation that I have no idea what it is or will become."* —Blake

*"My net worth is probably mostly made up of legos."* —Matthew

### Chat Post #22

*"'This location is not appropriately sized to accommodate you and I simultaneously.' ~William the Refined Western Outlaw"* —Ed™

(After Ed™ exiled Elzonire to the "Baddestlands" and mentioned the presence of a hot spring there) *"Aw, there's a hot spring in the Baddestlands? Why didn't I get transferred to that district?"* —Elzonire

*"@Jason-dono: I used the term 'hot spring' but it's more of a 'scald spring'. It's where you go when you want to remove your skin. And pretty much all the water in the Baddestlands is like that. Evemn the drinking water. :/"* —Ed™

(In reference to Ed™'s chat posts as a whole) *"What is this and why has it still been and still becoming?"* —Hidalgo

*"@'Dalgus Maximus: It's a chat of some sort. It's been humorous madness. Nobody can tell what it's becoming."* —Ed™

(After Noelle confided an embarrassing nickname of hers) *"You've already given us several nicknames to call you, Noelven Queen Galadriel. Worry not, M'lady."* —Ed™

*"Ed, I swe@r."* —Noelle

*"Noelly Smelly, everyone know that you don't have a name. If you take away the Ls, as your name implies, we have Noee. If we take away the Es, as that name implies, we have No. If we realize that nothing exists and that you are merely an illusion, as that name implies, we have your true nickname."* —Blake

*"I am popping up just now after abandoning y'all for like the last three or four posts. Don't worry, I can confidently ascertain that I have been deeply missed and will now be welcomed with joyous frivolities."* —Ray

*"Ohmygosh, RAY'S BACK!!!!! \*Cue trumptet fanfare\*"* —Ed™

*"Still haven't played Metroid 2, though I will eventually. I blame my backlog, which is filled to bursting with nothing."* —Ed™

*"Are you telling me I overreact? I DO NOT OVERREACT! ):< \*Starts wrecking everything in sight with lightsaber\*"* —Noelle

*"What the heck is going on? Aside from Simon driving Noelle beyond the edge of insanity. That's normal."* —Ed™

"\*{[]]]]],]]}={ ====================>

*^Lightsaber. You're welcome."* —Ray

"
/\
(IIIIIIII]============>

\/
*New and improved. I think, I hope it turns out right.*" —Noelle
### Chat Post #23

*"I did backwar ninja rolls down a steep hill once... Almost broke my back. Don't try it. XD"* —Ed™

(Matthew was going on about Skyward Sword again, when Diamond entered the chat to ask, "whatsup") *"Hay, DD! The sword is currently what's up. It's skyward, so that puts it pretty high up there..."* —Ed™

*"Oh ok cool. We're talking about...swords. I don't much but a lil bit. "* —Diamond

*"Then it's time for your sword Ed-ucation! Swords have been around for a long time. Like, a LONG long time. Over a hundred years, even! They're mainly used to cut things, typically in warfare. Some people like to use them to behead Simon!"* —Ed™

### Chat Post #24

*"The Exciting Escapades of Edward Wetter and Co. continues here! No, it's not an RP, just a chat post."* —Ed™

*"Spending too much time on Miiverse? There's no such thing! Oh. Wait. Yes there is. I do it! ;3"* —Christian

(Elzonire admits to over 2,000 hours spent on the YouTube application for 3DS) *"Holy flippity flip flip! 2,000 hours on YouTube?!?! That's frickin' INSANE Elzo! :O Waaaaoooowwww............"* —Christian

*"Ahem. Pardon my flippant use of a keyboard there, AND the English language."* —Christian

(Elzonire mentioned he and his scout friends used to stay out of tall grass to avoid encountering snakes) *"@Eruzo Yes, stay out of tall grass to avoid wild encounters! ;) A run-in with an Ekans would be NO GOOD...."* —Christian

*"We here at the ZNG not only tolerate, but openly EMBRACE the lurkers, and encourage them to take part in our discussions!"* —Christian

*"Yes, Chris knows ALL about lurking and anonymously spying on our threads. We let him in!"* —Ed™

*"@Ed Heeeeeeeeey!"* —Christian

*"Gators are awesome. Crocs? Not so much. I'll take regular old tennis shoes..."* —Ed™

### Chat Post #25

(Elzonire wrote a long Japanized English word and asked if anyone had any guesses as to what it was) *"It's pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, and it's caused by fine volcanic ash entering the lungs! I didn't even need to look up how to spell it or nuttin', 'cause I took the time to memorize it, son! :]"* —Christian

### Chat Post #26

*"D@mn I noticed I have 9 comments left.-\_-"* —Amanda

*"@Morgan So you found it necessary to waste another mentioning that?"* —Matthew

*"I may sound snotty, but I only eat very high quality meat."* —Noelle

*"Irish Girl, at first I read that as 'I have 6.4 brothers'. I was like 'Who's the unfortunate four-tenths of a person?' XD"* —Ed™

*"My chat post is filled with sass, sarcasm, and tomboys."* —Ed™

*"Oh, I see. Noelle is Proton Jon, what with the snarkiness, and Cat Morgan is Meowth, what with the sass!"* —Elzonire

(Talking about how hot it is) *"\*is on ground with eyes closed\* Yes. I'm dead. XD"* —Bree†

*"Bree? \*shakes you\*"* —Amanda

### Chat Post #27

*"Sad but true tale: The other day one of my dad's eighteen-year-old students said that he wants to become a mercenary when he graduates high school because, and I quote, 'I saw my brother playing this video game the other day...' People make me sad."* —Ed™

(Talking about Ocarina of Time) *"No girl of mine better look at any of those shirtless carpenters. So scantily clad they are. Who could resist their rated E gazes of pure adult level seduction?"* —Rau

*"You guys are forgetting the hottest enemy in the game: Fire Keese. Definitely should've censored that."* —Blake

### Chat Post #28

*"anyway, guess what i did? go on, i wanna see if any of you guys can guess! hint: its really REALLY random xD"* —Sophie

*"@Zack: Did you put a couple of monkeys on pigs and race them? Did you dive into a pool filled with jelly? Did you repaint the Eiffel Tower to a more modern neon color? Did you teach a jackrabbit to sew?"* —Ed™

*"Ed, you're on of those people who are impossible to be serious with, aren't you?"* —Matthew

*"Did you grow piano shaped oranges? Did you touch the Grinch with a 39 1/2 foot pole?"* —Elzonire

*"Zack, did you get launched out of a cannon like a clown? Did you chop down your dad's cherry tree? Did you song in a quartet with Mark Hall, TobyMac, and David Frey? I give up. \(-.-)/"* —Ed™

(After Ed™ brought up the "Matthew vs. Simon, which is your real name?" thing for the gazillionth time) *"Obviously the name Simon is fake. Good stinking night..."* —Matthew

*"Objection! I'm still certain your name is either Mattimeo, Simatthew, or Matthimon! Or Ed. You might be the real Ed."* —Elzonire

*"Or what if, and here's the biggest plot twist of them all, that 'Matthew' was also hiding her gender this whole time, and she's the actual Morgan!"* —Christian

*"@Christian:0.0"* —Amanda

*"Matt's real name is Good Stinking Night? Unexpected."* —Blake

*"My Navajo name means: Went to war and came back. Pretty cool, I guess."* —Noelle

*"'Went to war and came back?' Better than the alternative, heh."* —Ed™

*"\*Purring has reached contentedness critical mass\* \*Cat overload!\* \*DANGER\* \*Meowltdown imminent\* \*ABANDON SHIP!!\* \*Explodes into yarn and catnip\*"* —Ed™

*"Ed, why'd you let the kitty explode? Cats are meant to be squished, not explode."* —Elzonire

*"@Jason-dono: That was me exploding, not the cat. I can only take so much cat. Darn allergies..."* —Ed™

*"Ya know Bree, ya got me thinking... Should I add a cross to the end of MY Mii name? Or would that just be redundant? ;)"* —Christian

### Chat Post #29

(After Elzonire's typical Japanese entrance to the chat post) *"Darn, don't have a translator on hand. Therefore I shall assume that Jason's Japanese statement says something along the lines of 'Oh, WillEd! If only we were all as wise as you!' Thank you for your gracious compliments!"* —Ed™

*"Hi everyone! :3 Has anyone seen Matthew. :) I need to lovingly k!// him. <3"* —Juana (An account made by Noelle in an attempt to annoy Matthew)

*"Lovingly k!ll... I... don't really think those two words go together... ;)"* —Christian

*"@Chris: Shh... Don't question Juana's devotion. She manages to do everything lovingly. She's just that kinda sweet, peppy girl, y'know?"* —Ed™

*"Oh, you know how couples are. We love to str@ngle each other... Or at least Matthew tries. ;)"* —Juana

(We were talking about Rau and how long it's been since he last appeared on a chat post when out of nowhere he shows up) *"I have a sixth sense about these things.."* —Rau

(When Matthew shows up but ignores Juana) *"Simon, you're friggin' girlfriend is here. That's not a topic worth contributing to?"* —Ed™

*"No."* —Matthew

*"Who cares about grammar anyways?"* —Amanda

*"English is probably going to be either my major or minor in college, so... Me."* —Ed™

*"Eh I see."* —Amanda

### Chat Post #30

*"You know what this post is for. Unless you don't, which is the case for 99.9% of Miiverse."* —Ed™

*"EVERYONE IS STEALING THE LAST FROM ME! YOU SHALL PAY! \*Activates lightsaber\** —Noelle

*"Aw, I wasn't gonna join in and then you bring up Star Wars..."* —Blake

*"I actually consider you all 'the ZNG', regardless of you having played Zelda or not. I like to think of us, this group of friends, as one big, happy family! :D"* —Christian

(Blake says his favorite character is Yoda, and expresses disappointment that he won't be in the sequel trilogy) *"Yoda's not in the new ones? Never say never. Who knows, we might see his nephew or something. Little Yodie Jr."* —Ed™

*"Hey Ed, have you noticed that you have one more follower, one more friend, and your following one more person than I am?"* —Matthew

### Chat Post #31

*"Most people have their phones on them at all times and are checking their texts constantly... I'm the guy who silences mine going into a movie theater, forgets that it exists, and leaves it silenced for two weeks."* —Ed™

*"That's literally me."* —Kyle

(Talking about an arcade she went to) *"It honestly was extremely fun. They had all the retro games you could think of... Funny thing is, my cousin who isn't a gamer had to go since I had my birthday party there, and I don't think she enjoyed it. But then she got her revenge by having her party at a roller rink, and it was horrible."* —Noelle

*"The main reason I want a phone is so I can contact my friends easier, because since I homeschool, I go months without talking to my friends. It's literally 'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while' every single time we meet. :/"* —Maguire

### Chat Post #32

*"Oh yeah, goof morning everyone!"* —Elzonire

*"\*good\*, though I'm sure 'goof' is accurate too."* —Elzonire

*"my dog got bit by a sneck ;; i haven't commented in a while and this is the first thing i say oops @v@"* —Sophie

*"I tried to flirt with a door once, it slammed in my face. .\_."* —Maguire

*"Snakes live in my backyard, but I don't really care. All of them are just small garden snakes. ... I think."* —Noelle

*"once a snake ate it's dinner in our backyard, and when it tried to get out, it was too fat to fit through the hole in our fence. my dad had to help it out xD"* —Sophie

(Ed™'s sentiments on giving out your phone number to friends) *"If I wanna talk to my friends, I'll do so in person. But I'm not about to give someone else the ability to remotely make my phone make noise at their leisure."* —Ed™

*"Heh, I came within three inches of stepping on a coral snake once... In FRIGGIN DISNEY WORLD. It was the lethal 'red on yellow', yes. Directly outside the snake habitat in Animal Kingdom... They need better security."* —Ed™

*"I've had dreams where I was driving and the car wouldn't stop. And dreams where the car wouldn't turn correctly and I would almost crash into someone everytime I turned... o-o"* —Bree†

*"What the heck, Bree. I have those dreams a ton. Either my parents aren't there, or de@d. And then I'm left to drive."* —Noelle

(After Mistystar♪ confused the words "diary" and "dairy" and Amanda tried to explain the difference) *"No, you can write on milk and drink paper... it's just very difficult and very painful, respectively."* —Elzonire

*"These are all the ways I've died in my dreams (In the order they occurred): 1: A meteor hit Earth. 2: Eaten alive. 3: Sucked into a black hole. 4: Fell off a skyscraper. 5: Poisoned by a snake. I have no idea how or why my brain thinks up these gruesome dreams. .\_."* —Maguire

*"So... basically my dreams are telling me I can never trust my family. .\_."* —Ed™

*"\*gasp\* it's like the Death Note, but with dairy! (So the Death Note and the Dairy Diary?) If you write 'mint milkshake in Ed's hand' then in 40 seconds it will happen! ...Right?"* —Elzonire

(At the end of his comment after replying to others) *"...Where'd this milkshake come from?"* —Ed™

*"I have some WEIRD dreams, like Spiderman riding a lawnmower while my younger cousins are sumo wrestlers."* —Noelle

*"@Cupcake: You just reminded me of this one dream I've had 4 times, this is how it goes: Someone tells me to walk along a sidewalk, then all of a sudden something scary happens. I can never remember what the scary thing is, even after getting it 4 times. The most unsettling part of the dream is that every time I wake up from it, I'm standing biside my bed. Yep, STANDING. All 4 times. It was also raining all 4 times I woke up from it. Creepy..."* —Maguire

*"@Maguire: Alright, here's the explanation: hearing rain in your sleep makes you want to take a walk. When you throw off your covers to get out of bed, the shock of the cold makes something scary happen. And... other stuff. My psychoanalysis is impeccable, I know."* —Ed™

(Talking about how he's not good at drawing) *"I've never been able to get detail to work... When the Almighty was handing out artistic talent, I was in the outhouse."* —Ed™

*"Elzo notified me that the current discussion topic is DREAMS and we-he-he-he-hell... I know a thing or two about dreams. :]"* —Christian

*"Okay everyone, time for a vote! Do you want to hear: -How I crashed my car into a Taco Bell? -How the town and I battled a chocolate covered pretzel stick monster? -How I accidentally bought a $50 slice of pizza and couldn't pay for it? -How I was terrorized by a 20 foot tall Geico gecko? -How I went kayaking with Mr. Bean? -How my friends and I turned an old Volkswagen into a restaurant? -How I became the captain of a flying Hogwarts bathroom by using Aragog's spaghetti legs to steer? -How my youth group and I survived a solar flare that threatened to ki// everyone on the planet? -How I became a contestant on a cooking show and my dish was so bad that Doc Brown (one of the judges) flat out refused to eat it? -How I discovered the shocking truth about a town that was littered with de@d chicken cąrcaśses?"* —Christian

(This was Ed™'s only response) *"What the heck, Chris? XD"* —Ed™

*"@Christian XD You battled a pretzel stick monster? I wanna have dreams like you."* —Maguire

*"@Everyone Haha, you all seem confused. 'What the heck, Chris?' 'Uh, not what I expected, Chris...' I hope you're commenting on the absurdity of the dreams themselves and not simply the fact that my comment exists. ;)"* —Christian