B014 Release the Meat

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> "*"Well, well, well. What are you two doing here? I didn't hear the previously on."*"
> ― Irene Dubois
>
>

**Release the Meat** is the fourteenth bonus episode of Queens of Adventure. It is a continuation of the Lost Mines of Phandelver campaign staring part of the cast.

## Synopsis

Arson, Fraya, and Conchita were hired to escort some provisions to a town for a pair of dwarves, Gundren and Sildar. On the way they found signs the dwarves were ambushed and captured by goblins. The party tracks them down and rescues them, creating an undead servant out of one of the goblins in the process. They arrive in the town of Phandelin, a smallish town with a manor on the hillside.

Sildar seems more at ease, riding in the cart and suggests they retire to the Stonehill Inn. There they can make plans and reveal why they brought the queens here. The group finds a relatively standard tavern and they pull up chairs around a table, while Mr S stays in the cart. Conchita asks for her payment, and once paid leaves and heads out on her own, job completed.

At a far table they see a familiar face: Irene Dubois, Glamazon. She walks over, shocked to see them, as they are shocked to see her. Gundren and Sildar are concerned they are drawing attention before they make introductions. Gundren is willing to allow them to add a third person as there is a lot of money (and drink tickets) available. He draws them close and asks them if they've heard of the Lost Mine of Phandelver. There are rumors of a lost mine where weapons were enchanted, attacked centuries ago and lost. He believes he found the location. If they help him determine if the mine is real, he will split the riches. The queens accept.

They stay the night at the inn and in the morning the dwarves hand them the map that guides them into the hills. Up in a valley they find a crack in the rocks. It leads to a large cavern supported by a pillar of rock. They find some bedrolls and some supplies. There is also a dwarf minor, dead about a week. Fraya trips on a bit of rock in the floor trying to search the items. She knocks over a crate of lanterns and the shattering glass echoes in the cave.

Irene calls out, asking if there are any dwarves. They hear skittering. Fraya casts *light* on a pick axe as she stands. Across the room, Arson investigates a skeleton which collapses at the touch. The sound disturbs five sturges, winged snouted rats, above them. Fraya knows that light would disturb them so she runs towards them, and whacks one in the snout, casting *light* on it as well. It dies, but disrupts the others.

Arson slides down the wall on her spider legs and fires two *eldritch blasts* at two different sturges splattering them against the walls. The remaining two sturges target Arson. One starts to drain blood from her and the warlock casts *hellish rebuke,* causing it to burst. The last sturges turns to go after Irene instead. The lizardfolk grabs a bag of meat and tosses it, releasing the meat towards the darkness. The sturges follows it.

The queens have a chance to better explore the cavern, finding carved reliefs of dwarven art all around, and more skeletons. Arson notes some have been dead for ages with arrows in them. The newer corpse is likely a sturges victim. There is a door to the east, and the way they came in, and some rubble may be blocking another path. Irene shoves the rubble away, finding two more passages, one heading upward towards daylight, and the other heads west into darkness. She asks Fraya to cast *light* on a round boulder so they can bowl it down the passage.

At the end of the passage they find a chamber that was clearly damaged by a destructive blast. They find furnishings, beds, tables, and an iron chest. All are charred and damaged. As the group enters, a mist gathers in the center of the room.

Fraya approaches the chest and the mist rises further before coalescing into a tall, skeletal figure in dark robes with glowing red eyes. "Your presence is offensive to me," it says, telling them they cannot plunder his treasure. As Irene appraises the being, it introduces itself as Mormesk the Wraith. Irene challenges it to redistribute his wealth, angering him. Fraya taunts him, and as that distracts him, Irene tries to sneak along the side of the room. She finds a smooth part of the wall, but eventually makes her way to the chest. She motions to the others to keep his attention. Arson does a finger gun body roll to keep him disgusted but distracted. Irene lifts the chest, and it begins to make noise, drawing Mormesk's attention.

Arson wields a glowing orb of *dancing lights* in her hand as she tries to convince Mormesk to trade for the valuable object in her hand. He leans down and reaches a bony hand towards her, intrigued and desiring it. "This is a wishing orb," she explains, saying it gives one wish per day. He offers them to take the coins, but not the pipe in the case. Arson plays hardball and walks away (glancing a little over her shoulder) as Irene sets down the chest. Mormesk reforms in front of Arson offering all the treasure, IF they kill the Spectator. A passage opens in the southeastern part of the room.

The queens ask more info about the spectator. Mormesk explains it is a being down in the Forge of Spells and he wants it gone from the cave, but has never ventured down to see it. The queens challenge him to speak up, tell the Spectator what he needs, but the wraith doesn't seem to understand. The queens give in.

Down the passageway they find a chamber with a green glow. While Irene and Fraya argue about how best to give Irene some light, Arson steps forward with her superior dark vision and guides them into the room. It appears to be a spell-battle damaged work room. In the middle of the room a stone pedestal holds a brazier with a green flame. Behind the brazier floats a creature with four eye stalks on its mass. One giant eye stares at them. It greets them in their head, explaining it is the guardian of the forge of spells, protector of the green flame, servant of the master smiths of Phandelver.

The queens decide to trick him into leaving, and ask him if he has seen other flames. The Spectator says a wizard summoned it to watch the flame. Irene says the wizard is outside and has created many more spectacular flames, with a nat20. It intrigues the creature. They say they were sent to guard this flame while it goes out and finds other flames. The Spectator says a wizard must tell him he is reassigned. Irene claims they are wizards of Phandelvar, barely convincing him. Irene says its insubordination almost cost him his job, but he is too valuable, so he is dismissed to go and watch other flames. The Spectator vanishes.

The group puts together some objects to make a torch. They also find a brass mace that glows when Arson picks it up. Once the torch is lit, they head back towards Mormesk.

Back up the tunnel, they emerge into the quarters. As Arson enters, Mormesk demands she 'keep it away.' He calls the mace Lightbringer, anathema to the undead. He retreats towards the chest which opens: Tons of coins, three diamonds, and a platinum filigreed wood smoking pipe. As Arson moves closer to him, he retreats into the pipe.

Irene teases the pipe, before demanding Mormesk come out. In a swirl of smoke, Mormesk emerges. She threatens to touch the mace to the pipe if he doesn't show them where the rest of the treasure is. He touches the smooth panel of the wall, revealing a spiral staircase.

The group heads down the stairs, Irene with the pipe, and Arson with the mace. The panel in the wall shuts behind them.

"Fools, you have sealed your doom," Mormesk tells them.

### Characters

#### Party

* Arson Nicki - drider warlock
* Fraya Love - water genasi cleric
* Irene DuBois - lizardfolk barbarian

#### NPCs

* Conchita Best
* Gundren Rockseeker
* Sildar Hallwinter
* Mr. S
* Mormesk the Wraith (debut)
* The Spectator (debut)

## Episode Notes

### Lore

* Dwarven legend tells of a mine where magical weapons were forged that was lost in a Orc attack centuries ago.

### Memorable Quotes

* "We're retiring? I haven't put enough into my 401k at this point." - Arson Nicki
* "I'm the most trustworthy. I'm the premiere trustworthy queen of.... where are we?" - Irene Dubois
* "I trust any loaner without friends. That seems to speak highly to something." - Sildar Hallwinter
* "You're full of long stories tonight." - Irene Dubois
* "You did grab the map from the cave before you blew it up, didn't you? Just kidding, I have it right here." - Gundren Rockseeker
* "Are we like three feet tall with hairy feet and about to embark on a quest to destroy a small piece of jewelry?" - Arson Nicki
* "It is the kind of magical darkness when sunlight can't get to a place." - DM Matt
* "How close am I from the bag of meat?" - Irene Dubois
* "Is there anything important in this part of the cave that we could... take." - Fraya Love
* "Love a good fog machine moment. Hope it doesn't set off the fire alarms." - Arson Nicki
* "Wow, call out post in real life." - Irene Dubois
* "Honey I had my entrails redistributed days ago. You're not going to do anything different." - Fraya Love
* "You have to touch me to turn me off?" - Irene Dubois
* "It blinks all five of its eyes." - "Oh hell no." - "Absolutely not." - "That's kinda fun!" - DM Matt, Irene Dubois, Arson Nicki, and Fraya Love
* "My spiral staircase moment!" - Fraya Love

### References

* Catherine Tate Show - How Very Dare You
* Lord of the Rings movie trilogy
* Alyssa Edwards "Backrolls?"
* The Descent
* Jeopardy
* Jim Sturges
* Kill Bill - Now if any of you sons of bitches have anything else to say
* Marie Kondo - Does it Spark Joy
* Sia
* Alf's planet, Melmak

### Name That Tune

* "I Can See Clearly" - Johnny Nash
* "Thank You, Next" - Ariana Grande
* "I Touch Myself" - Divinyls
* "Touch-A Touch-A Touch Me" - Rocky Horror Picture Show

## Behind the Queens

* Although she had appeared in the last few seconds of the previously released season 1 episode, this is Irene Dubois's first full appearance in a table play episode.

**Greetings From Fire Island**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - **The Show Must Go On**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Operation Watersport**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6 - Ch7 - **Trials**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Ghosts of the Coast**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - **The Devil's Due**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Special**: The Story So Far
**The Beautiful Place**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6 - **A Dance in the Dark**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Drama in the Deep**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6 - **Whispers From the Heart**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6
**Danger Rangers!**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6
**Mist Connections**: Ch1 - Ch2
**Unreleased**
Lost: Camp Crystal Light - Pax West 2018 --  vs the Lizard People
Live Shows: Seattle Style -- Minneapolis Style