You're Filled with Microplastics

"*This is some of my poop that I collected earlier, and it's mostly just microplastics and condoms. Now the condoms I can explain. But the microplastics? Where the hell did they come from, and do they have any negative health effects? Surely someone must know.*"
―Erik
You're Filled with Microplastics is the 151st lesson of Internet Comment Etiquette. It was released on July 28, 2022.

## Summary

Erik tries to warn his students about microplastics, but he sneezes and a handful of plastic beads come out of his nose. He shows a sample of his poop, which is mostly microplastics and condoms. Scientists don't know what the health effects of microplastics are, so Erik watches a video about a man that's addicted to eating plastic and leaves a comment. He finds a video teaching him how to cleanse microplastics and heavy metals, but instead of explaining what the product is, they give a shady link in the comments. He goes on TikTok to find out what younger people are doing to protect themselves from microplastics, but he finds memes about how much they love microplastics. He also finds edible glitter that doesn't include microplastics, but everyone is too stupid for it to be useful. Then Erik runs an ad segment for Noom.

Erik educates people in Pavlov about microplastics and teamkills them because he's the imposter and he lost his grenade. He concludes that we're going to die off as a species, so he looks for things to do with the remaining plastic. He looks at 5-Minute DECOR, 5-MINUTE REPAIR, and 5-Minute Crafts, but all of the ideas are stupid. He accepts that there's nothing to do about microplastics and he drinks a condom cocktail.

## Comments

*Hey I'm a scientist with the EPA and I'm trying to get in touch with this guy. He's consuming plastic at a rate that puts him decades above all of our other test groups. This man could finally be the answer as to whether microplastics are bad for you. I mean yeah sure they're little tiny pieces of plastic that get in your body and never leave because they don't decompose, but what if it wasn't a big deal? If we can study this man, it'll be like looking into the future of our own normal society, full of people who don't eat bags. The amount of good he can do for humankind is astonishing. However, if we find out that he's definitely going to die from plastic poisoning, then at least we know what the future hold for the rest of us. To be honest I'd like to find out sooner rather than later while my dick still world and I can go out cheating on my wife with hookers and beating the shit out of cops while they try to arrest me for public indecency. Either way yo bag eating guy, if you see this please contact your nearest EPA headquarters.
Here's the number: (\_)\_)::::::::::::D~~~~~*
- Erik

*Thank you for your miracle cure! I cleansed all the microplastics and heavy metals from my system in two days! Before this stuff, whenever I shot sunlight up my butthole the UV rays would bounce out and blind my dog. Now my insides are getting so much light that I had to start drinking sunscreen. I think they should just dump a truckload of this cleanse into the ocean and get rid of all the microplastics for good. But this is what happens when you put scientists in charge of what gets FDA approval. They want to see studies and proof which is just such negative suppressive energy. I'm fine medicating off the advice of two scheming hippies talking in riddles about the most suspicious website I've ever seen. Speaking of you two, you keep saying how the world needs to know about this but won't even say what the name of it is. Is that because the name of this product changes every time its ingredients become illegal so that you can patent a new identical trinket of shit with the same ingredients under different names with a different website, delete all mentions of the previous one in the comments, and then start posting links to the new one? Because that would be crazy, but also totally legal. So good luck with all that and now I'm gonna go feed some of this zeolite to my real doll and see if she becomes human.*
- Erik

*It's not a opinion it's a warning to not eat glitter*
- CU サミュエル CU

*Bro it's fine you can eat any glitter it's not bad for you*
- Erik

*Just in case you're wondering why our planet is riddled with microplastics, it's because of 5 Minute Crafts and their eight thousand spinoff channels throwing all this shit out when they're done filming. How about you people 5 minute repair my marriage huh? And good luck unless you can make a shovel out of plastic bottles hahahaha just kidding! would never use a plastic shovel. Why use plastic anything when they sell the real version of it in stores? Life is meant to be easy like that, which is why I had a slide installed on my kitchen window of my beachfront property, leading straight into the ocean so I can slide my plastic waste out of sight and out of mind. But feel free to fish it out and turn it into a TV remote or whatever the hell is going on here. Anyway, speaking of fish, I have a wonderful sushi dinner waiting for me. Only the freshest ingredients, the finest things, and none of this silly plastic. Ta Ta and I'm going to make my butler suck me off*
- Erik

## Video

```

```