Jake McKorhonen

**Admiral (formerly Captain) Jaakko "Jake" McKorhonen** is the Human pilot and partial owner of Starship Minna Canth and the current military commander of the First Galactic Empire battle fleet. He is a tough Häjy originating from Pohjanmaa Space.

 Biography

### Early Life

Not much if anything is known about Jake's childhood years and youth. He was born and raised somewhere far away from the center of the galaxy, in a rough mining moon near the edges of known Space. Jake was taught the ways of the Häjy and adopted the culture of Ancient Earth Pohjanmaa. He was taught the ancient battle arts of the Häjy and became a master of close range combat with traditional elegant weapons such as the Mora and the Leukku. Jake lived much of his early life around the Wild West sectors, dealing with many outlaws and shady figures. Around these times he got himself a Space Driver's License and became a masterful pilot.

Somewhere around the age of 18 to 22 Jake gained the ownership of his first own ship, a freight-class ship named Minna Canth. According to Jake, the ship was named so after an Ancient Earth hero and saviour of women originating from Jake's ancestral regions of Pohjanmaa. Around these same times Jake gained the owner- and later friendship of his oldest and dearest companion, a mysterious robot from the Rap Wars.

Jake and Korianteri travelled for a while, which led them onto multiple misadventures around the known cosmos. As a really young man full of hormones and bad decisions, Jake got semi-accidentally married to a Queen of a mysterious world beyond the stars - a non-linear, eternal being beyond mortal comprehension and a pretty hot babe.

Korianteri, being Jake's best friend, worked as his best man and arranged his Bachelor's party, combining into it things from Jake's culture - such as knife tossing and binge drinking - with some from the future wife's culture such as non-linear algebra and wanton moon destruction.

Married life was apparently stressful and hard to grasp for a simple man such as Jake, so after a while he ran away with the Minna Canth, leaving off to see more of the galaxy. After a while of travelling he came to know Taavi Frankston, his future business partner in Starship Minna Canth & Star Travels Incorporated. This new job in interstellar tourism gave Jake an excellent excuse to see as little of his beloved wife as possible.

### Episode IV: The Last of the Space Rappers

In the year 2452, Jake and the crew of Minna Canth - now including a janitor, a wealthy sponsor and a first mate - was roped in by Taavi Frankston in a complicated series of business scams and grants to deliver the galaxy's last Rapper Pasi Palpatine into a concert in New Chicago. On the way there, Jake and his crew stopped at Xul Prime ABC and encountered the MCD Double Cheese, the last known ship of the mysterious organization McDonald's that disappeared years ago.

Never being a very good communicator, Jake failed both in talking sense to the crew of the Double Cheese and stopping himself from fucking shit up. Jake started the ABC's Thumb Laser and fired it at Double Cheese, mostly buying time and confusion for the crew to escape from the Double Cheese's clutches.

Later Jake helped save New Chicago from Verneri Vaderi's Rap Asteroid. Being a charismatic and empathetic fellow, Jake talked some sense into Vaderi and helped him see more beauty in the world. In the aftermath of the crisis, New Chicago became the capital for newly-elected Emperor Palpatine's First Galactic Empire and Jake was chosen to be the empire's commander of armed forces, piloting the newly-formed empire's flagship Minna Canth.

### Episode V: McDonald's Strikes Back

Three years passed by rather peacefully with no crises as Jake took on responsibilities as the commander of the Imperial Army, such as the training of new recruits and Public Service Announcements about security threats such as cold winter weathers.

The peaceful times ended when Jake, along with the rest of the Empire's government, entered the wreck of Starship Anne Frank to read the BIg Macronomicon and find out terrifying truths about their fate. This was when the invasion of the McDonald's fleet began and Jake began planning defensive measures such as felling the MC-MCs with snow plowers and calling the New Chicago Rap Academy to recommend them to watch the Bionicle Movies.

With the help of Counter-admiral Korianteri and his newly-born First Mate and godson Bic, Admiral Jake McKorhonen piloted the Minna Canth and shot down the MCD Double Cheese, making it crash into Emperor Palpatine's palace. In there they faced a MC-MC and realized that something in Korianteri's programming was stopping him from shooting at McDonald's forces. Enraged by what was happening to his oldest friend and New Chicago, Jake furiously tried to cut down the MC-MC's feet, and, failing that, threw his antimatter knife straight through the forehead of MCD Double Cheese's commander CosMc. The psychic shock from the McDonald's commander's death cries made Jake lose his consciousness and fall down, only to be saved from New Chicago by Emperor Palpatine and new ally Dimitri Kiakov.

After the destruction of New Chicago and the McDonald's army, Jake, his crew and the surviving evacuated inhabitants of New Chicago were rerouted by a mysterious ship made of mathematical equations, piloted by creatures that told Jake that his wife was going to have a very long talk with him.

## Personality and traits

Jake is the perennial man of Pohjanmaa, a honest, hard-working man who says what he means. He is rather friendly, charming and charismatic, but perhaps not as smart or capable as he likes to fashion himself as being. Jake has no fear in facing the horrifying monstrosities and evil of the cosmos such as McDonald's, but completely and utterly afraid of facing any kind of responsibilities such as married life.

## Appearances

* Episode IV: The Last Of Space Rappers
* Episode V: McDonalds Strikes Back