Dorothy vs Alice

***Dorothy vs Alice*** is the ninth installment of *Princess Rap Battles*. It features protagonist of L. Frank Baum's *The Wonderful Wizard of Oz*, Dorothy Gale, battling protagonist of Lewis Carroll's *Alice's Adventures in Wonderland*, Alice. Dorothy is backed up by the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, the Cowardly Lion, and Alice is backed up by Tweedledee, Tweedledum, and the Mad Hatter.

## Cast

### Rappers

* Whitney Avalon as Dorothy Gale
* Joey Richter as the Scarecrow
* Burl Moseley as the Tin Man
* Mark Teich as the Cowardly Lion
* Emily Kinney as Alice
* Jason Rogel as Tweedledee
* Reggie De Leon as Tweedledum
* Ryan McCartan as the Mad Hatter

### Cameos

* Kevin Allen as Tim Burton
* ??? as The Wicked Witch

## Lyrics

*(Alice's lyrics are in blue, Dorothy's are in light blue, the Scarecrow's are in dark green, the Tin Man's are in grey, the Cowardly Lion's are in brown, Tweedledee's are in gold, Tweedledum's are in red, and the Mad Hatter's are in green. Lyrics in bold are where the Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Cowardly Lion all rap at once. Tweedledee and Tweedledum rapping together is in normal text.)*

### Alice

When you look into the mirror, I'm sure you're distressed,

Your book borrowed my look, you're even wearing my dress!

I've been rocking this game since before you were born,

This corny copy's lost because she ain't in Kansas anymore!

I'm surprised your garbage squad hasn't fallen apart:

Yellow-bellied, empty headed, that one's got no heart!

Double killers, caterpillars, and a madman in my crew,

Put you on blast, I gotta ask: Whoo R U?

### Dorothy Gale

Well, I'm Dorothy Gale, and you're on my street.

Not a good witch, I'm a bad bitch, ruby kicks on my feet!

Quirky stupid chicks, and nobody can stand them,

You're that annoying girl shouting "LOL I'm so random!"

I got sense and sensibility like my girl, Jane Austen!

Wrecking your tea party like they did back in Boston!

Word to your moms, I'm dropping L. Frank Bombs,

Got more bars than Wonka, more composed than Brahms!

Better say your prayers! **We're your worst nightmares!**

Keep dreaming, you'll be screaming lions, tigers, and bears! (Oh my!)

I've come to free the land from an olive hand!

An beginning, middle, end that even kids can understand!

In your sadness, you wallow. Talking rabbits, you follow,

Put a bottle to your mouth, you're not thinking, you swallow!

I didn't make the mold, but I'm the one who broke it,

I'm the better heroine, stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

### Alice

No place like home? You're from a podunk prairie!

*Ease On Down The Road* cause shiz is gonna get scary!

What's your battle plan? I don't think you understand:

A coward, dolt, and bag of bolts can't step to Wonderland!

Don't make me light up your friend, cause he's met his match!

A stitched together strawman who stinks like bandersnatch!

Your washed up and washed out, you're fading, and thus

Kick your heels together, baby, and bugger off to Kansas!

### The Scarecrow

Who needs brains when you have this much swagger?

I don't even gotta think, and I got moves like jagger!

I'm outstanding in my field while you have mental lapses,

Teaching crows how to murder with my lack of synapses!

Noggin stuffed with knowledge, stitching rhymes so raw,

Throwing shade at Oz? Hey, that's the last straw!

Let's have a heart to heart, you tart-stealing tart!

Alice, you're so stupid, you make me look smart!

### The Tin Man

Gimme that oil can so I can get loose!

I'm relaxing while I'm axing through your crew like a spruce!

I'm a ten out of tin, the heavy metal playa hater,

I'm heartless and relentless like the fucking Terminator!

Got more joints than Snoop, sipping mock turtle soup,

Hell, I'm just blowing off steam like a chimney, toot toot!

I ain't scared of shit, cause I'm bullet proof,

Throw your hands in the air and raise this hot tin roof!

### The Cowardly Lion

Let me at 'em! I'll tear 'em limb from limb!

Smack a hat off the whackjob, make a snack of Twiddledim!

You fellas are all yella, you ain't got what I got,

With a paw behind my back, I'll tie you all up in a knot!

Outrageous and corageous, that's kinda my thing,

Bow down to the crown, it's good to be the king!

Scurry home with your friends, Miss Little Bo Peep,

A lion doesn't pay attention to the opinions of sheep!

### Tweedledee & Tweedledum

You wanna step to this duo? Cause we're ready to battle!

Dee and Dum are down to frickin' smack your ass like a paddle!

Beg and plead on your knees, to the double trouble emcees,

And if you don't like it, you can Tweedle Deez!

These tale-telling twins are stopping, dropping, and rocking you,

Choppin' and mockin', snicker-snack jabberwocking you!

Talk smack in our world, it's off with your head,

We go hard, pull your card, and paint your chest red!

### The Mad Hatter

Today is my unbirthday, and it's not cause I hate ya,

Serving dishes and dissing ya cause I'm nutty by nature!

My writing desk riddle, can you tackle it quick?

It makes no sense to rap against a raging lunatic!

She be a tea party crasher? This bastard haberdasher

Came to trash and slash and bash and throw her pussy out to pasture!

I'm a dastardly villain, like the riddling Dillinger,

Top billing in shillings, this milliner's killin' her!

I keep my mug mean, I keep my cups clean,

I'm the maddest, baddest Hatter that the world has ever seen!

Look at your face, you're so troubled, my dear,

Of course our raps make you angry, we're all mad here!

### Dorothy Gale

Your sloppy story structure simply can't be excused,

Just like the audience, you spent your whole movie confused!

Our adventure had a point, we found the man behind the curtain,

I would ruin your whole world, but that's been done by Tim Burton!

I'm slammin' other damsels while I'm spittin' so speedily,

Runnin' rampant on these cowards who are dumber than Tweedledee!

We're ferocious, fierce, and fiesty, you're a sleepy little mouse,

Watch me smash and flatten bitches when I bring down the house!

### Alice

Oh, my story's nonsense? Yeah, whatever, witch please!

You've got funky flying monkeys and apple throwing trees!

This homewrecker in checkers hits her head, then it stops,

Suddenly a bunch of runts start singing all about lollipops!

You're as stupid as the Scarecrow with only half of his charm,

This fool forgot these were the dudes that freaking live on her farm!

You're stressing cause you're messing with the verbal giant, sweetie,

You wanna pick on someone my size? Eat me!

## Trivia

* This battle currently has the most amount of rappers, at eight, and most amount of verses, at ten.
* The video for this battle was sponsored by Popsockets.
* The epilogue for this battle showed the Wicked Witch preparing for a rap battle, making this the first battle to hint at a future battle. In her cameo, she says she'll "show [Wonderland] a rap battle," causing many to speculate she will battle the Red Queen.
* This is the third battle where the person who started the battle finished it, after *Galadriel vs Leia* and *Mrs. Claus vs Mary Poppins*.
* This is the first battle to include rappers who aren't human, one of which being an animal.