Dark Continent Campaign

Do you know where dreams come from?

The **Dark Continent Campaign** (歩く黒人男性) is an exploratory mission currently undertaken by Vice and his expeditionary strike force into the Discordant Realms. Officially, it is being conducted to explore the distant reaches in the pursuit of truth. In actuallity, it was conceived as a personal profiteering expedition designed to liberate whatever valuable artifacts that could be found within the disparate realms. The expedition goal changed following the discovery of various eldritch horrors, with the new stated aim being to conquer the realms for the "betterment of mankind."

## Prelude

The Discordant Realms have been known to exist since ancient times, but reaching them in any consistent manner was always thought to be impossible. Powerful stand users and heavily addicted crackheads were known to be able to cross realms by literally punching through weak spots in the space time condom but this was always inconsistent. In practice, each realm was believed to be completely isolated from eachother.

Extremely homosexual experiments conducted by Gay Robot and WeskerPawnch led to the discovery of a stable method of entering the Virtual Realm in late 2019. Further research by Vice revealed that the Virtual Realm's condom was extremely weak, probably purchased for a quarter in a 7-Eleven gas station bathroom, and could be consistently broken thereby allowing access to the rest of the Discordant Realms using the Virtual Realm as a nexus. The door was now open for organized exploration of the realms.

### Fermentation

Following the conclusion of the Great Autism War and the dissolution of the Free States of Appomattox, Vice had very little to do and was bored. In a particularly aggressive fit of post-nut clarity after his 16th nut of the day, he was seized by a nostalgic fixation to reclaim his glory days and began to contemplate a foray into the Discordant Realms. He failed to get WeskerPawnch or Gay Robot on board with the idea, as they both thought it was "really fucking gay" and "retarded" respectively. Initially ready to give up, Vice changed his mind after railing a massive line of cocaine and decided "fuck y'all, I'll do it myself." This was the first of many mistakes.

### Assembling the Expedition Team

Without the support of his homoerotic associates, Vice was left in the lurch for support of his expedition. Knowing that going alone would be extremely dangerous, he had to put together a team. Unfortunately he could only draw from a very limited candidate pool of people who he could blackmail, dupe, or otherwise guilt-trip into coming with him. Going down his hit list, he traveled around spinning wild tales, throwing ransom notes on bricks through windows, cold calling people's phones and spamming their email boxes with incoherent demands. After much groaning, Vice assembled something vaguely resembling an expedition team, which he named the Vice Squad because he is a narcissist.

## March to Mortality

Despite the great advances made in traveling across the Discordant Realms, to do so was still extremely dangerous. Traveling across time and space recklessly can be extremely traumatic to the human body and in some cases can cause severe death. To safely move between worlds, one needs a protective capsule, an insulating shell of some sort, to create a pocket of local time to prevent temporal inertia from converting your DNA into toothpaste. To this end, Vice, using money given to him by Ronald Reagan, commissioned a team of minimum wage factory workers in Flint, Michigan to construct a vessel his team could use to drive between realms. The end result was a supercharged air-fryer convection based time-oven mounted in the engine compartment of a shitbox 1969 Dodge Charger pulled out of a scrapyard. In light of its purpose, Vice named this vessel the *Egg I.*

### **Grave Robbing**

With a mode of transportation secured, Vice's first goal of the expedition was to crack open some ancient tombs like the pinatas they are and pilfer them for cool shit. In pursuit of this, he traveled to the Yucatan, where he uncovered the ruins of the once mighty Asstec Empire. Vice and his team began excavating the site, looking for diamonds, gold watches, and other expensive and pawnable artifacts. In the process they had accidentally awoken the vengeful spirit of the Asstec monarch King Tukyashirtin when they stole his pimp cane. The team fled from the King and in his pursuit of them he drowned like a fucking dumbass.

Having learned absolutely nothing about the perils of robbing the tombs of the ancients, Vice then traveled to the Valley of Kangs and broke into the tomb of the great Pharoah Will Smithotep. Within they found a large collection of sports memorabelia, 90s clothing, and video games. The team was greatly surprised by what they found inscribed in the hieroglyphics on the wall of the tomb. The inscription told of a man who traveled between worlds within a large ostriche egg, and how one day he cast off the egg yet was still able to travel as he had done before. The implications of this potential for Eggless Travel were staggeringly great if it could be somehow replicated. Unfortunately the walls of the temple had been damaged over the years and if there was any explanation on how to accomplish this feat, it had been rendered illegible. The team grabbed handfuls of clothes and video games and made their exit without incident. On the way out an etheral voice echoed through the halls shouting "Where the video games at!?"