1172/Two Steps forward

**First Aid has posed:**
First Aid has noticed Starlock is late to work today. That and the wayshe was acting last night has him concerned. He comes to her room and nocks on the door. "Starlock? Its Aid. Are you there? Are you allright?" He asks softly. He does consider her his second mentor and best friend outsie the Protectobots.

**Starlock has posed:**
     Starlock was laying on her side in her berth, watching tiredly as she flexed and moved her fingers slowly as she sank deeper and deeper into her own thoughts, like how her face was sore, and she had a helmache from the hard sobbing she'd been doing the night before.

      She'd perk up slightly hearing aid and raised up slightly, and huffed.She took a deep vent to steady her voice, dried her face plate, and cleared her voice box and leaned over, unlocking the door.

      "Yeah.. I'm here, and.. Eh, 'Alright' is subjective... Doors unlocked." She definitely sounded tired, that and it was a bit hard to hide the hoarseness in her voice.

**First Aid has posed:**
First Aid opens the door quietly and comes in. He has a bottle of energon with him "I figured you might not have had anything to eat." he comes in and frowns under his mask at her as he moves to kneel by her berth. "You want to talk about it? If not thats ok too." He offers, handing her the bottle. "Im just worried.'

**Starlock has posed:**
     "Mmm.. Thanks Aid." She'd say, sitting it down on the berth, truthfully she didn't feel that hungry, and wasn't sure why... Well she could but thinking about it, or acknowledging it didn't help.. She'd be silent for a long time before looking to Aid, and.. Well, her mouth shaped but no sound came out as she struggled to find the words.

      "I'm not.. used to talking about.. these things." She'd admit, rubbing at her neck. "Just... repressed them, because I wasn't allowed to.. People got uncomfortable.. when I outwardly expressed anything so I'd just do that and.. sorted them out on my own time when I had it alone so..." She'd explain and sigh, bringing her knees up and hugging them.

      "...You sure you want to try and.. sort through this?" She'd ask hesitantly glancing over, tilting her helm.

**First Aid has posed:**
First Aid nods "Starlock?" he moves close to her, offering a hug. "I'm your friend." he says. "You can talk to me about anything. I wont get uncomfortable. I want to know what's bothing you so I can help. You never need to be ashamed of your own thoughts with me. I'm here. Im always here. I want to help you." He says. "If you'd let me."

**Starlock has posed:**
     Starlock glanced up at him quietly, and after a moment of clear debate in her helm, by how her optics moved to look at him, then the floor, then him again, she'd take a vent, and clinched her denta before nodding. "Its.. It's going to be a bit slow." She'd warn, as she had said before, she wasn't used to this, most the time she'd just clamp her mouth closed as hard as possible.

      "...I feel like.. most everyone just thinks I'm a stupid, reckless idiot who doesn't know what she's doing." she'd admit lowly. "No one bothers to ask why I do, what I do... and just.. feels like their assuming I'm just stupid, and I know for a fact I don't have many people's respect.." She'd vent, her finials drooping further.

**First Aid has posed:**
First Aid paues. "I hve never, not once thouht you are stupid." He says to Starlock. "You are passionate, and a good fighter. You do what you think is right for the cause. You can tell me if you' like why you do what you'd do but I think I understand that. You're a great medic and a great fighter. You're so much better at this Autobot thing than I am."

**Starlock has posed:**
     "I'm glad to know you don't.. honestly one the few I know don't think of me like that.." She'd admit, glancing up, and smiled slightly, tiredly, but slightly. "I'd not say I'm a better autobot.. That's pretty subjective really... Considering what I've been dealing with." she'd chuckle slightly at the morbid reality of the situation with Pharma, she'd then vent a sigh.

      "...Fact 'for the cause' is a bit wrong.. I do what I do, because it is right, and it is kind... I want to help people, and I want to protect those who are under my care, or can't defend themselves, and I just.." She'd glance down.

      "I just /can't/ stand idly by then I see something wrong happening, it..." She'd struggle a minute, trying to look for the words. "Hurts and feels.. disgusting." She'd knit her ridges. "...Like the only reason I didn't turn a blind optic to Pharma, was because I knew he was hurting people, and would continue if someone didn't do /something/ even though I was bottom of the ladder private that he could.. easily off.." She'd state heistinatly.

**First Aid has posed:**
First Aid shakes his head. "Between Pharma and Prowl an Blurr and Repugnus trying to learve.. the moral around here is horrible. You cannot blame yourself for this. Thers too many secrets, people are too distant. They're forgetting what they're fighting for i thin. In the end,all we have is each other. Its one of the reasons I try to be kind to everyone, even when they arent to me. Theres so many of us that are looked down on. Like Quickswitch, Whirl. Us. We gotta stick togehter right? All us weak an odd people."

**Starlock has posed:**
     Starlock gave a weak smile once more and nodded. "That's.. a sentiment I can get behind.. I try to be kind to everyone as well, try and meet them halfway on problems but..Ah.. There just.. some that need a kick in the face." such like Repugnus! She'd chuckle weakly. "I got, and still do get, taken advantage of so I do need to be a bit prickly." She'd grin.

      "Anyway.. These feelings were brought up, was because of the fact I brought Juris to the repair bay, because A, Ratchet was there, B, Deltaran is a bunch incompetent and corrupt schmucks, C, because I didn't want Pharma messing with her helm to forcefully make her choose to be an autobot..." She'd then take an irritated vent.

      "And SURPRISE I WAS RIGHT! what I was trying to avoid, happened, she ended up transfered to Deltaran, without my knowledge because of some bullslag 'protocol' and the doctors there were so totally inept Ratchet was called there /anyway./" She'd vent angrily. "....Makes me wonder why I even bother trying.." She'd look down, her anger evaporating into sadness as she looked down, her optics welling.

**First Aid has posed:**
First Aid frowns "I know. I saw that. I dont think its personal. I think sometimes people don't know whats going on and when stuff happens rankise, slag rolls downhill. Its always that way you know. Our work is thankless. Sometimes our superiors are afthates or like pharma. Worse. And sometimes people ont believe us when they are. Ratchet doesnt think you're inept. He chose you for the medic program. If you wanted to see inept you should see those left behind in Deltran. None of them could do their ork at all. I dont care what they say, if they knock me down to orderly or whatnot. But if no one else can or will. I will. And I dont care hat they think about me. I know you're different though. Want me to talk to ratchet?" he asks. "I dont thin it was personal."

**Starlock has posed:**
     First Aid actually got a chuckle and snort out of her. "Afthats, such an amazing image." She'd grin at him, before looking back down. "Yeah.. just.. wish it wasn't like that so often." she'd say in response to their working being thankless.

      "I don't.. Think he thinks I'm inept ether, maybe a bit dumb and overly reckless..." She'd glance down at her radio and frowned, recalling the conversation over the medical channel. "Why would they knock you down though? Ratchet.. did pick you for his second after all...And.. talk to him about what?" She'd frown, tilting her helm, a bit confused. "Congrats on that by the way." she'd huff.

**First Aid has posed:**
First Aid tilts his head "It'll get better when we get older. Or we'll just lose our give a slag an shoot up the place. Either way..." He blinks. "So um. You heard? Im sorry. You deserve it better."

**Starlock has posed:**
     "you kinda announced it over the commulink with the statement 'since i'm the next ranking officer'" She'd point out with a slight smile, but then looked to the wall a head of her. "You...You shouldn't be upset about progressing, yes, I tried, but he.. clearly had better reasons to choose you, and while I'm sad... and.. There thoughts that are making it /worse/... I'm /happy/ for you." she'd smile at him weakly.

      "...That's just.. the nature of things, yeah? For one to progress.. ones.. going to end up left behind." she'd explain a bit haphazardly, and then shrugged. "Ehh just means I have no reason to be a try hard anymore aye?" She'd chuckle weakly.

**First Aid has posed:**
First Aid blinks his optic band. "Oh yeah I um. GUess I did. Sorry I was in the zone and working. You know how I get..." He pauses. "ANd I'll never. never leave you behind. Friends fo rlife."

**Starlock has posed:**
     "Thats.. not what I mean..Hrmm.. How to explain it." She'd muse, knitting her ridges, cringing as she attempted to find the words, and sort it in her mind. "...Its not like.. anything's going to change for me, I just.. have to take orders from you, and I rather it be /you/ and not Pharm, gods, I'm glad I quit Deltaran, I'd never be able to work under that slagger knowing what he does." She'd hiss.

      She'd bring her hand to her cheek platting, thinking. "If you want to ask Ratchet why he picked you over me, that's your business but.. You shouldn't pass the opportunity because of me." She'd nod.

**First Aid has posed:**
First Aid pauses. "You can be my second if you want. Primus knows I'll need all the help I can et. I dont know why he picked me. you're much more experienced and.. I as hoping it wouldnt make you angry at me." He says. "People seem to htink Im better at things then I am. Im just going to let them down."

**Starlock has posed:**
     "I think that just still counts as a normal doctor position." She'd laugh, and then vent a sigh, smiling at him, she was definitely feeling a bit better despite looking terribly tired form how hard she'd been crying. "Well, Glad I got the fact I'm not mad at you outta' the way." She'd smile.

      "...You..Are good Aid, you do have your talents, and your skilled, you should be confident in those areas, yeah? Else you'd not be where /you/ are." She'd smile. "I don't think you've let anyone down, or are going too."

**First Aid has posed:**
First Aid smiles under his mask again "Thanks. And Im not mad at you either. Do you mind a hug? I know it wont stop things but...I feel like its ll I can offer."

**Starlock has posed:**
     "Totally, in fact." She'd move herself to hug him tightly, herself, huffing out. "...Thanks Aid.. I.. Don't know what may of happened if you didn't come talk to me." She'd chuckle weakly, her optics welling up again.

**First Aid has posed:**
First Aid holds Starlock close. "Im glad I did. I was scared for you. Very scared." he wipes something wet from his on optic. "Its ok to cry you know."

**Starlock has posed:**
     "Heh, think if I did more that I'd make myself totally unable to work today with how hard I was the other night." She'd grin, and huff, just relaxing herself there. "Sorry I scared you.. and keep doing so.." She'd apologize, and frown, in thought.

      "..Thank you again." she'd smile and push herself up once he allowed her, and started downing some of the energon he'd braught. "Should probably get checked in for Work, first i'm i'm late.. And Nightlash still needs help." She'd smile, moving to the door after cleaning herself up slightly.