Highly Improbable

Highly Improbable is the eleventh chapter in the Wombles One.

The Womble in the Golden Coat opened a door, and stepped into another room of his burrow. “Traitor!” came a voice.  The voice came from a very secure cage in the room. “Ah, my dear friend…” said the womble in the Golden Coat, with a sly grin on his face.  “This would never had happened if you had agreed to my terms.” “Your terms are evil!” snapped the womble in the cage, who was panting hard because of being hit and kicked and bopped about by the womble wearing the Golden Coat’s assistant.  “Evil to humans, maybe.” Replied the womble in the coat. “But it guarantees a much better life for wombles.  Or at least the wombles who obey my orders!”  At the end of his speech, it turned into a yell, and he lunged a fisted hand through the bars at the womble in the cage.  The womble in the cage barely managed to dodge, then said weakly, “I will never obey you.”  “Very well then,” said the womble in the Golden Coat.  “You shall die along with the humans.  Number two!”  Alderney came in carrying a whip.  “No, not again…” spat the womble in the cage, then fell to the floor from being given a severe beating.

Bungo was wandering where Cathy had gone.  “Did she escape?” he asked himself.     Suddenly his phone rang.  “Yes?” he said picking it up, but no one replied, all that happened was that a gas came out of the phone, knocking him out.

When he woke up, he seemed to be back at home.  He opened the window, to see the village!  He began a walk to the beach.  “Where am I?” he trembled.  “In the village.” Replied a voice that seemed to come from nowhere.  Bungo recognised the voice as Tomsk’s, but was still scared, and continued his walk.  “What do you want?” he asked.  “Information.” Replied the voice.  “Who’s side are you on?” asked Bungo.  “That would be telling.  We want information.  Information. Information.  Information!” replied the voice.  Bungo reached the beach, and started running.  “You won’t get it!”  “By womble or by avenger, we will.”  “Who are you?”  “The new number two.”  “Who is number one?”  “You are number six.”  “I am not a number!  I am a free Bun!  No, I mean, I am a… a…”  “A free bun? Can I eat you then?”  “No!  I am not a Bun!  I am a silly womble!”  “Ha ha ha ha ha!”  “See, I told you I was silly!”

Wellington was showing Miss Peel his latest invention in MEPO.  “Now, if I could just borrow that wardrobe of yours…” he said, moving what looked like a movie camera towards it.  “Um, ok…” said Miss Peel, sounding unsure.  Wellington pressed a button and a beam was fired at the wardrobe, then it seemed to be gone!  “My clothes!” gasped Miss Peel.  “Um, sorry, I didn’t think about that, I guess you’ll just have to wear the ones you’re wearing now until I find a way of reversing this.”  Miss Peel looked confused.  Wellington explained that her wardrobe and its contents weren’t gone, simply shrunk, and his invention was a shrinking machine.  Then he said, “But reversing it is Mission Highly Improbable. But luckily not impossible!” Suddenly there was a click.  It had come from the door.  Miss Peel tried the handle.  It wouldn’t open.

Outside, Cathy had just secretly locked Miss Peel inside, so that she couldn’t stop her from doing what she was about to do.  Then she went to the kitchen and locked Tara in.  Then she sneaked silently into the womblegarten, and locked the door behind her. She sneaked up behind Steed, then cuffed him round the mouth, knocked him unconscious, and carried him off.

When he woke up, he was back on the conveyer belt about to be sawed in two again.  “But you know it’s me now!” he said.  “Yes, I do.” Replied Cathy, and walked away.  “Mrs Gale get back here!” Steed called after her, but she had already gone.

“What do I do?” asked Miss Peel desperately.  Wellington looked around, then pointed his shrinking machine at her.  “What are you doing?” she asked.  “No… No!” but she had already been shrunk.  “You can get under the door now.” Explained Wellington, leaning over her.  “Oh.” Said Miss Peel, and did that.  She noticed that Cathy was gone, and she couldn’t hear Steed teaching the womblegarten. She remembered the footage of the conveyer belt incident, so traced the video, and immediately rushed there, not knowing that straight afterwards, Tara got shrunk, and traced the call, and rushed to save Steed too.

Miss Peel ran along the corridor, and bumped into Cathy.  She cuffed her round the mouth, and knocked her unconscious, then went to rescue Steed.  Just as she was untying the ropes, Tara came in, pushed her aside, and started to untie the ropes herself.  “I thought you loved Dr Keel.” Said Miss Peel.  “I like Steed better.” Replied Tara.  “Well I’m his fiancé, not you!” snapped Miss Peel.  “I was originally!” snapped Tara, untying the last rope.  “Well you’re not anymore.” Said Steed, getting up.  “Oh, fine, I’ll go find Dr Keel instead.” Sighed Tara, and went off in a huff.  Then Steed and Miss Peel linked arms, and followed.

Cathy woke up and felt confused for a moment then remembered that she hated Steed, Peter and everyone else who wears a bowler hat.  She decided to look her best before she got Peter and Steed.  However, when she looked in the mirror there was a bowler hat on her head!  (Miss Peel had put it on her.)  “What!” she shouted at the mirror “I hate myself now!”  Immediately she laid down on the conveyor belt and tied herself up.

She waited patiently to be rescued but realised it was always Steed who did that.   The saw was just ahead of her now.  Quickly she rammed the bowler hat on the blade and it stopped for a moment.  Just as Cathy leapt off the belt the hat was torn to shreds.  She wished it was Steed or Peter.  Off she went to find either of them but her Lotus Elan was gone!  Miss Peel had driven it thinking it was hers. Tara had driven Miss Peel earlier in her Lotus Europa.   Miss Peel’s Lotus was at the burrow.  Miss Peel and Steed were racing Tara back to the burrow.  They suddenly realised it was Cathy’s car.  “Ho hum” said Miss Peel “I’ll give it to Wellington.”

Meanwhile Cathy had just got on a big, red, double decker bus.  She went upstairs.  A man in a bowler hat smiled and offered her a seat and a brandy.  “Not another one!” said Cathy and threw Mother over her shoulder. Mother bumped down the stairs, out of the bus, down a hole, through a sewer, into a boat, which sailed to America. He tripped getting off and fell into a coach, which drove to Yellowstone Park, before he fell out of it down another hole and landed in front of a womble with a golden coat.  Then everything went black.