John Smith

> *You may be looking for the fictional character Jonathan Smith from Brick Brannigan: The doctor who said no.*
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## John Smith

### Born

Churchillshire, England, the ancient times

### Known for

Raising Brick Brannigan, mother of G.R.R.R. Smith

**John Smith** (née **Athan**) was the mother of Garamond Smith and the author of her memoir, Raising Brick Brannigan, in which she claimed that Brick Brannigan and her son were the same person.

Some variants of John were reformed into one super-entity, **Big John**.

## Biography

### **Early Life**

John Athan was born in Churchillshire in the ancient times alongside the Elder Gods such as Nyarlathotep and Richard Branson, but was not considered part of the pantheon as she lacked cosmic powers. The Gods themselves looked down upon John, often forcing her to make friendship bracelets but not letting her wear any of them.

Eventually the Elder Gods became victims of entropy and vanished from the corporeal realm. As Churchillshire had become a dead zone, John embarked on a galactic trek where she encountered Rodney Smith of the Shadow Tribe, and they fell in love. The other members of the Shadow Tribe shunned her due to her human appearance, sending Rodney into a fit of rage. He slaughtered his fellow tribesmen and fled with John as she returned to Churchillshire. There, they had an extravagant wedding surrounded by family.

Around this time, John started to come to terms with her immortality as Rodney began to age without her, so before his passing, the two of them engaged in an ancient mating ritual that involved building a shed made out of the Elder Gods' bones. They named this shed the 'Churchillshire Maternity Ward' where John suddenly became pregnant. Due to the unorthodox nature of the baby's heritage, the gestation period lasted for millions of years, during which Rodney fell off a boat and was eaten by a shark. Unable to partake in extreme sports anymore, John read every religious text in the universe, and became a deeply religious woman.

### **Motherhood**

Garamond's birth re-opened Churchillshire's Jaws, through which the Elder Gods could witness John destroy her body via pregnancy. As punishment, they created a cataclysmic space-time nexus around Garamond, resulting in both him and his mother experiencing multiple versions of their lives simultaneously, both existing in different chronologies and the same timeline. It is not known if this is related to the Mind-gate Lambda.

The clashing versions of her own history took a toll on John's mental state. In some versions of her life, she was incredibly loving towards Garamond, resulting in an over-dependency that led to John's son breastfeeding at age 19. In others, she was incredibly neglectful, in most cases being charged by her extremist religious beliefs. Most versions of her life had her become a just okay mother. Furthermore, the years of her life were often mixed up, celebrating New Year's in a far-future utopia, then waking up the next day during the Roman invasion, then one year later returning to the initial time period but as an apocalyptic wasteland.

The one constant in all revisions was that her son would begin writing Brick Brannigan: The doctor who said no. All Johns generally agreed that this was a bad idea because of the toll it took on Garamond's mental health. John believed that Garamond and Brick Brannigan were becoming one and the same person. She attempted to burn the book's manuscript to prevent this, but the fire got out of hand, killing John. 'The doctor who said no' was still eventually published.

### **Authorial Career**

One version of John (often theorised to be John Prime), despite her hatred of the Brannigan works, decided to take advantage of her son's success by writing her own memoir, titled Raising Brick Brannigan, detailing her experiences watching Brick and Garamond's mental fusion. The book was a smash hit, with many mistaking it for a prequel to 'The doctor who said no' and buying it in bulk for all their friends.

The book not only spent a chapter detailing the events that inspired its title, but also spent the majority of its contents exploring John and Rodney's sexual and romantic lives. The book was critically reviled, ruining John's reputation as an up-and-coming non-fiction author. For this reason, she shifted to fictional works, although none of them were published because the plots would always end up identical to 'Get Him to the Greek' starring Russell Brand and Jonah Hill. Despite her creative struggles, the money made from 'Raising Brick Brannigan' had set John for life, allowing her to live comfortably in a woodland cabin where she would hunt foxes and check their hides for clues to good storytelling.

This version of John died tragically one evening when she learnt her son Garamond was planning to visit him, so she planned to wrestle a polar bear and kill it for a hearty family meal. When stalking the bear, she died suddenly from natural causes, with the bear attempting to resuscitate her but to no avail. requested in her will, Garamond and the bear feasted upon her as a hearty family meal -- pun intended.

### **Post-death**

Any deceased versions of John were taken to Churchillshire's Jaws, where she was reunited with all other versions of herself and became her strongest form, Big John. Her first decision in this form was to implant the idea for the organisation Chronos in Garamond's head in the year 2015. Her next action was to purge the Shadow Tribe from history, reimagining Rodney Smith as a being like herself, born in the ancient times, with the hopes of them spending eternity together. Something Big John had not foreseen, however, was the misogynistic nature of the Elder Gods resulting in them treating Rodney much more positively than the young John. The couple became enemies, both eternal beings from the dawn of time fuelled by their hatred for each other.

John and Rodney's conflict resulted in an almost indescribable multiversal war, often starting conflicts and wars between humans in history by creating monsters like Genghis Khan or Julius Caesar. These were simply footnotes in the pair's petty squabbles. Big John watched their battles from time bubbles she had created, tirelessly working to turn their hate into love. The only way to do this was to consult the Elder Gods and bribe them with loom bands to create Baby Garamond, an internet sensation resembling a cute baby G.R.R.R. Smith. John and Rodney were forced to care for the child, which could age physically but not mentally. It eventually decayed, leaving its parents in mourning. Searching for comfort, they soon married in Churchillshire surrounded by family, restoring the timeline and further increasing Big John's power.

Big John's current whereabouts and status are unknown due to her memoir ending at this point.