Grenadine Slinccy

**Grenadine Schmidt Slinccy** (January 4, 104 B.C. - December 25, 1993) was a Rebabonian Drug Addict, Gun Rights Activist, and Mother to Lamont J. Slinccy. She was sent to Earth by God after she stole all the Heroin in Heaven. She wandered the Earth aimlessly, doing more and more drugs until she gave birth to Lamont on April 20, 69 BC. This is her beautiful story.

## Early Life

In the beginning, Lorde created the heavens and the earth. The Lorde then created a man, and named him Bob Slinccy, but the Lorde then thought that this man needed a woman, who was initially going to be named Mrs. Woman, but instead decided to name her Grenadine. Grenadine decided to beat Bob to death upon sight, initially not having children; however, when God sanctioned off his left pinky toe, it became Lamont J. Slinccy, and she adopted him. Grenadine was initially 967 feet tall but in June 100 BC, Grenadine was obliterated by ass 1955 and was reintegrated into an 11'81", 822 lb woman by the FLDS fundamentalist cult of Colorado City, Arizona, rewiring her brain to become Warren Jeffs. Grenadine then became a professional opera singer at the age of 11, with the hit song "Eat My Ass Lamont You [REDACTED]" and God sent her to hell the night of release.

## Formation of the Catholic Church (33 AD)

Grenadine personally met Jesus Christ in 33 AD, who healed Grenadine's FLDS fundamentalist illness. Grenadine then betrayed Jesus, sent him to the cross, but failed to permanently kill him, causing Jesus to arise 3 days later. Jesus then sent her to hell, where she created the Roman Catholic Church, assassinating Jimmy Carter, Pope Innocent III, Charlemagne, and Pat Sajak; the lattermost was posthumously arrested for necrophilia against the corpse of Jesus Christ.

## Lamont J. Slinccy Assassination Attempt (1976)

*Main article: 1976 Lamont. J Slinccy Inauguration Attack*
In the year of our Lord 1976, Grenadine Slinccy made an appearance in mainstream media after a near 2,000-year absence from the press, when she was brought up by Janley Manley to try to assassinate her own son, Lamont, after Janley was upset with the transition between her reign as Satan of Kektuncy to Lamont's at the time current reign as the 7rd satan. Grenadine was seen driving a 4.5-ton public bus through a crowd of 97,000 people at Lamont's January 1, 1976 inauguration after the 1975 special election between Phineas Flynn and Lamont. Grenadine ran over 4,523 people on Capitol Hill, Rebabone before eventually reaching the inaugural platform, slamming into it at mach 567, causing Grenadine's frail body to fly through the windshield, with her heels penetrating Lamont's asshole. Lamont was uninjured due to being immortal, and Grenadine was thrown in jail for 10 years for raping a political leader (she was not charged for attempted assassination) before escaping and becoming an ex-convict and children's storyteller at the Jesus Manley Public Library, teaching children how to commit arson and sell drugs on the streets of Kektuncy.

## Death

On December 2, 1993, Slinccy went on a rampage and blew up a wendy's in Soup Time County, Kektuncy, after an employee refused to give her Epstein Soup. Unfortunately, by doing this, she started a massive wildfire which burned several thousand acres in Northeastern Kektuncy. After a series of trials, She was exiled to the Pole of Inaccessibility by Xandra on December 24. Grenadine, Unable to bear the cold in her Crayon suit, died during the early morning hours of Christmas Day 1993.