Thaddeus Euphemism

**Dr. Thaddeus John Euphemism,** commonly referred to as **Dr. Euphemism**, **Thaddeus**, **Doc**, or (by Betty) **Teddy**, is the main protagonist of *The Petri Dish*, an accident-prone genetic engineer.

## Thaddeus John Euphemism

### Aliases

Dr. Euphemism, Doc, Teddy, T.J. Euphemism, Future Thaddeus, Past Thaddeus, Present Thaddeus, T. Euphemism, the original Doctor Thaddeus Euphemism, that incompetent doofus, Frodo/Spare Parts/Shorty (one of his clones), Chesty (another clone), Clone Four (another clone), !, Superman, Megadude, Captain Marvel, Laboratory Science Man, Dad (in the future)

### Relatives

Betty (mother)Vivian (aunt)

Leslie (uncle)

Possible unnamed son

Unnamed father (deceased)

Alfred Euphemism (younger brother)

## Appearance

Thaddeus is a man of average height and build (although he did get a pot-belly temporarily in the Size reduction arc), with pale skin. He is almost completely bald, but what's left of his hair is black.

He always wears large glasses and whenever he's at work, he wears a white lab coat. The rest of his clothes vary, although he usually wears long, beige pants.

## Personality

Thaddeus is generally very enthusiastic, liking his work a lot. He does not tend to let his (many) failures get him down. He also seems to view his work as impressive and sometimes shows off his technical vocabulary to describe mundane things, which is described as "speaking scientist".

He sometimes has trouble using modern technology, which sometimes makes him feel old when compared to the Interns' skill at technology. Despite this, he enjoys using modern technology (after all, since when has not being good at something stopped Thaddeus from doing it?) and is better at using it than Betty.

His activity levels vary, and he can be active, lazy, or anywhere in between depending on the situation.

He also seems to have a bit of a juvenile sense of humour, such as when he did a complex equation on a calculator just to make it spell "BOOBS". This is one example of his enjoyment of doing very complicated things just for his own amusement, another example of which being when he builds a complicated machine whose only purpose is to make coffee and hot chocolate.

Another trait Thaddeus has is trying to relate to certain groups, but he tends to use stereotypes. For example, during Black History Month, he puts on a wig with dreadlocks and says, "That's not irie, mon," and he often tries to relate to the interns by using stereotypical "young and hip" slang. Despite this, he does not seem to show prejudiced views when he's not actively trying to impress certain groups.

He is also a bit of a prankster. For example, when some new interns joined Clones 'R' Us, he pretended that his arm had been replaced by an octopus's.

He has a bit of a sweet tooth, too, and enjoys cake, pie, and many other sweet foods.

Despite occasionally endangering people by accident, he really does care about people. For example, he designed iBall solely so that Bob would have a friend.

Another quirk Thaddeus has is his paranoia about disease. For example, whenever it is flu season, he will freak out whenever someone in his vicinity so much as sneezes and has sometimes done bizarre things to protect himself such as wrap himself in bubble wrap and put himself in a tank of water. His paranoia is not limited to flu, however, as demonstrated by him chasing Dr. Langzaam shouting, "Covid-19! Covid-19!" because the latter coughed from being sprayed in the face by a machine and later becoming paranoid about, not only covid-19, but bacterial infections also.

Thaddeus is very inquisitive, and has been inquisitive at least since he was a kid (about age five or six), which may be his reason for becoming a scientist.

Like iBall, he is also quite unlucky when it comes to romance; he once described himself as a chick magnet, but the kind of magnet that repels.

## History

One strip reveals that he was inquisitive since he was about five or six, possibly even before that. The same strip reveals that he has needed glasses and worn plaid at least since then, that his hair used to be brown and curly but turned black and straight before or during his adolescence (during which he had acne), and that at the start of his career he had a mullet and did not wear a lab coat. A comment on that strip reveals that his father died when Thaddeus was in university.

During the Squirrels' law arc, he reveals that he was married at one point, and that his ex-wife had an aggressive lawyer.

The Squirrel takeover arc reveals that he studied at university for eight years.

Betty claims that she was the one who taught him how to use a spoon.

## Possible futures

In one strip during Betty's visit arc, Thaddeus is seen in the future as an old man with a walking stick and a green sweater, who had cranial implants that he did not know how to update. This future also involves Thaddeus siring a son to an unknown woman, who had red hair and a visor.

In another strip, a future Thaddeus goes back in time to scare present Thaddeus. This future Thaddeus looks no older but, allegedly due to a "robot apocalypse", he is a cyborg with arms similar to Bob's but with claw hands, a dial and two buttons on his torso, and his head (which is still organic) in a jar of water.

Sutton has stated that "the future's not set", so both of these possible futures may never happen.

## Trivia

* He may be a Trekkie (a fan of the show *Star Trek)* as evidenced by the fact that he wrote, "Captain Kirk could totally kick Captain Picard's butt in a fight" online.
* His father, who is revealed to be deceased (specifically he died in a car crash in 2001, when Thaddeus was in university), is briefly seen in a flashback, but his name is unrevealed. He was also a scientist.
* It's revealed in Abducted! that he is 37 years old, 5'10'' tall and weighs 185 lbs. In another strip, Bob says that Thaddeus is turning forty. This means that either three years have passed in-universe, or "turning forty" means he's close to forty (i.e. in his late thirties).
* He's exclusively dated women, and seems to view women as his only dating options, which implies that he is straight (heterosexual).
* It's unknown what his condition is that makes him require glasses, but seeing that he mistook a man several feet away from him for a woman due to needing a new prescription, it is probably either myopia (where things look normal up close, but blurry from a certain distance) or astigmatism (where everything looks blurry, regardless of distance). A lazy eye (amblyopia) can sometimes cause blurred vision, but that is unlikely since glasses usually correct lazy eyes after awhile and he has worn his glasses since childhood.
* He was born in June, 1979.