How to Steal Cookies and Other Sweet Delights

## Introduction

Everyone wonders what the true value of being a danger to society is, and I am here to tell you.

Controlling the universe? Nope.

Having everyone bow down to you? Nope.

Being able to participate on this awesome wiki? Hmmm... nope!

The biggest value is being a professional treat stealer! But you may not be one yet, and I, Silverflame, will fix that. Get your target in view, because here are the best ways to steal cookies and other sweet treats!

## Note

Anybody can add in a method, but credit your name in the title please and thank you!

## Method 1- The Quick Approach (Credit to CMS Equestrian)

If you're in a hurry, or just really want some cookies and don't want to have to come up with a long, dragged out plan, then this is the method for you.

### Step 1

Politely sit. Very important that this is in a chair.

### Step 2

Make very friendly comment, and begin to get up. If the person asks why you got up, say you are just stretching.

### Step 3

QUICKLY pick chair up, take aim, and throw it at person. While they are grappling with it, STEAL THEIR GOODIES!

## Method 2- The Sneaky Approach

If you really don't want to get caught and have some time oh your hands, this is the method for you. Try have a bag such as your backpack, or at least empty pockets, available.

### Step 1

Sit in a chair with your target in view, but don't look focused on it. Perhaps read a book or eat another snack.

### Step 2

Wait until you're alone. Then stuff a unsuspicious, but still decent, amount of cookies or whatever treat you are taking into your backpack or pockets.

### Step 3

You have collected your prize, but do not run out of the room, for you might still encounter people. Try to walk normally to your room- maybe even read a book as you are walking so you don't have to meet anyone's eyes.

### Step 4

When you are safely in your room, get out your cookies and FEAST!

## Method 3- The Daring Approach

If you are really willing to risk it all for some cookies, and if you are daring enough, this is the method for you. The method is best if you have a big pet at home, but it is okay if you don't.

### Step 1

Make sure you are alone in your house. Not just the room, but the entire house

### Step 2

Find the cookies. Break the plate the cookies are paced on. It would be best to do it on the floor in a way that looks like it fell over. Put the cookies in a bag and hide the bag safely in your room.

### Step 3

Call a guardian that lives in the house and tell them you are going on a walk (hint: you don't actually have to go on a walk.)

### Step 4

Wait for your guardian to return home. Once they do, say that your pet knocked over the plate of cookies, breaking the plate and either braking the cookies beyond repair or making the too gross to eat. Because of this you had thrown them away. If you do not have a pet that could've done this, say someone robbed you while you were out on the walk.

### Step 5

Act really sad about the "missing" cookies, maybe your guardian will bake a new one! When you know it is safe, go back up to your room and enjoy the cookies!

## Method 4- The Abrupt Approach

Sometimes planning just isn't your thing. If you can get away with anything, try this.

## Method 5- The Friendly Approach

If your guardian always seem to make an exception for your friends but never for you, then here is your method!

### Step 1

Invite a bunch of friends over (best if your parents seem to like these friends). The more people, the better!

### Step 2

Tell your friends that you're going to the restroom, then grab one cookie for each friend and one for yourself. For example, if you have four friends over grab five cookies.

### Step 4

Wait until your friends leave then eat the hidden cookies and enjoy! If your guardian asks where the missing cookies are say all your friends ate one.

## Method 6- The Artistic Approach

If you take art or culinary class in or out of school, this method could work for you. It could also work if you have a friend who likes artwork and/or cookies.

### Step 1

Put some cookies on a plate in a nice looking fashion. Get out some painting supplies.

### Step 2

When you are asked what you are doing say you have to paint a picture of food for your art or culinary class, or you are painting a picture for a friend.

### Step 3

Pretend you are actually painting until you are alone. Then eat all the cookies on the plate. When you are asked where they went, say that you accidently spilled paint all over them and had to throw them away. Now you have some nice cookies and a beautiful painting!

## Method 7- The Fantasy Approach

This is the perfect method for you if you want to get caught!

### Step 2

Say Harry Potter came to your house and asked for some cookies. After all, who can say no to Harry Potter?

## Method 8- The Chef's Approach

If you are a baker with plenty of tricks up his/her sleeve and plenty of cookie batter to spare try out this method!

### Step 1

Wait until you are alone in the house. Then bake the same amount of cookies that you currently own.

### Step 2

Replace the new cookies with the old cookies. and eat the old cookies. No one will suspect a thing!

### Step 3

Idiot, if you can bake then just bake however many cookies you want and eat them.

## Method 9- The No Longer Guilty Approach

If you feel guilty whether you completed the task unseen or not, then try out this method. We will sooth your guilt... with a few minor consequences.

### Step 2

Admit to your crime. you are no longer guilty so mission accomplished! You're welcome!

### Step 3

Run away because your are a fugitive now... from stealing cookies from your own kitchen. But at least your aren't a *guilty* fugitive! Again I say, you're welcome!

### Step 1

Dress entirely in black. Make sure that you have the following:

• a bandana (swag)

• holdout water pistol

• small canisters of hot sauce (Siracha works best)

• a backpack full of cantaloupes

• an MP3 player to play "Encounter" if you get caught. (Dramatic effect)

### Step 2

Find a cardboard box. It should be big enough to hold you, the cookies, and all of your supplies. Then find a large fan and some bungee cords.

### Step 3

Tie the bungee cords to the fan. Attach the other end of the cords to a big stick.

### Step 4

Get in the box and crawl towards your target. If someone sees you, stay still until they leave. Get to the cookies.

### Step 6

If you are caught, hit them with the cantaloupes, squirt them in the eyes with the hot sauce, and then use the fan to make a quick (yet likely unsuccessful) getaway.

### Step 7

Eat all the cookies. If anybody is suspicious, hit them with the rest of the hot sauce and cantaloupes. (Hitting them over the head with a chair works too.)

## Method 11- The Adorable Approach

If you have faith in your abilities to be adorable, this will be a pleasantly easy task for you!

### Step 3

Look cute and hold a sign that says, "Mi Tung waz cut of pleez giv cociez".

### Step 4

Have them give you the cookies, and if they don't just steal the cookies

## Method 12- The Danger to Society Approach

You want to be a true danger to society?

Well too bad because this method won't get you there.

But still try it out.

### Step 2

If anyone tries to stop you, smash them through a table.

## Method 13: The Halloween Approach (Credit to TheUnFathomable)

You may have to wait several months to do this, but it's easy, quick, supplying, and worth the wait!

### Step 1

Walk a bit until you see those houses with the nice people that let you take however many you want.

### Step 3

Repeat the process until your bag is full.

### Step 4

Get a new bag and repeat step 1, 2, and 3.

## method 14- the annoying approach (the secret Articuna)

### step 2

follow them around whining about how hungry you are

### step 4

Eat cookies and be known as whiney forever.

## Summary

If you came to this section because you wanted to just do a quick recap of the methods because you were too lazy to actually read them, well then too bad because this is more of a closing section. Just read the methods.

So, I hope that these methods assisted you in your quest for cookies.

Good, I have a nice beginning to my closure... now I just need to write the rest. :/

So... yeah. Enjoy your cookies!

I have a bad ending though... meh, whatever. Here are some cookies before you go!