Dark Laser's Journey/Quotes

**General**
**Trivia**
**Appearances**
**Images**
Quotes

*(Timmy's House)*
*(Ivan opens the door at his house when Mr. Turner arrives and greets Ivan)*
**Mr. Turner**: Ah, hello, Ivan. So, what are you here for?
**Ivan:** Hi, Mr. Turner, nice to meet you. Is Timmy around?
**Mr. Turner**: He's in his room.
**Ivan**: Thanks.
*(Ivan goes upstairs and knocks at the door to Timmy's room)*
**Timmy:** Ah, you're here.
**Timantha:** Nice to see you, Ivan. So what brings you to my brother's room?
**Ivan:** I came here to see Timmy and ask him on what are we going to do today.

**Timmy:** Ivan, I just realized something.
**Ivan:**  What is it, Timmy?
**Timmy:** I remember that Dark Laser used to be one of my unwished wishes.
**Ivan:** Yeah, so?
**Timmy:** How did Dark Laser escape Unwish Island?
**Astronov:** What's Unwish Island?!
**Timmy:** It's an island located in the Bermuda Triangle where all my unwished wishes are located.
**Ivan:** Then how did Dark Laser escape Unwish Island?
**Timmy**: I don't know, and besides, I just asked you that question. Cosmo, Wanda?
*(Cosmo and Wanda and Poof appear besides Timmy)*
**Wanda**: What is it, Timmy?
**Timmy**: We're going to Dark Laser's Death Ball.
**Cosmo:** Timmy, why are we going to the Death Ball?
**Timmy:** Poof, explain.
**Poof:** (as background fades to a flashback) While Timmy and I have been pushed by the wrecking ball, I accidentally poofed ourselves to the Death Ball. While there, we saw Dark Laser constructing it, and we didn't notice that Dark Laser has escaped Unwish Island.
**Wanda:** (interrupting the flashback) Poof, you weren't even born when Timmy was on Unwish Island.
**Poof:** Oh yeah. Anyway, (cut to the flashback) Dark Laser once used me to power the Death Ball as I accidentally went into the power supply, because I happen to be ball-shaped. So, Dark Laser threatened to destroy Earth...twice!
*(Ivan and his fairies gasp)*
**Poof:** Don't worry, that didn't happen. Timmy covered Dark Laser in cement, pulled me out, and I managed to say Timmy's name.
**Neptunia:** That's adorable.
**Poof:** Timmy has set the Death Ball to self-destruct, and so he wished for me to poof him back home, but I was unable to do it, so he called up my parents, and so we got poofed back home, I cleaned Timmy and his room up and he got to watch the Death Ball explode. However, we made the news, and my parents were not too happy with that.
**Ivan:** Why, though?
**Poof:** You see, my parents were so exhausted from taking care of me, that Timmy volunteered to be responsible and keep an eye on me while my parents have a night on the town. Being just a newborn, I wandered off, making Timmy worried. One time, I went through a construction site, which, incidentally, made it on the news, making Timmy fail at responsibility.
**Astronov:** That's an interesting story.

**Ivan:** Let's go ask Dark Laser on how he escaped Unwish Island.
**Timmy**: Good idea. Cosmo, Wanda, Poof, I wish we were at the Death Ball.
*(Cosmo, Wanda, Poof, Astronov and Neptunia raise their wands up, **TO THE DEATH BALL!**)*

*(Outer space; the Death Ball; Dark Laser gets out of the shower, Timmy and Ivan with their fairies poof up)*
**Dark Laser:** Hello, Timmy, long time no see. Did you come here to be destroyed?
**Timmy:** No, Dark Laser! We come in peace...for now. We came here to ask you a few questions.
**Ivan:** Hey, cool toy dog! Can I play with it?
**Dark Laser:** Don't touch Flipsie!
**Ivan:** Oh, sorry.
**Dark Laser:** And, uh, who are you again?
**Ivan:** I'm Timmy's friend, Ivan Prestonovich.
**Dark Laser:** ...Doesn't ring a bell.
**Ivan:** We once met when you tried to destroy Timmy, and also played volleyball against each other.
**Dark Laser:** Oh, yeah, now I remember.
**Timmy:** Now that we are done with introductions, I have a question to ask to you.
**Dark Laser:** What question?
**Timmy:** How did you escape Unwish Island?
**Dark Laser:** Hmm... you kids better sit down, 'cause this story is gonna go on for a while.
*(Timmy, Ivan and their fairies sit down as Dark Laser begins telling the story. Fade to Unwish Island)*
**Dark Laser:** (narrating) It all started on Unwish Island...
**Timmy:** (voiceover) We know.
**Gary:** Hey, Dark Laser, would you like some coconut?
**Dark Laser:** Honestly, I'm tired of eating coconuts.
**Super Bike:** Well, we've got some other foods at the "We Hate Timmy" Club, want us to send you a clone with some better food?
**Dark Laser:** At this point, I'm feeling kind of bored on this island. I want to go out there, and explore outer space, create my own army, and build my own space base - the Death Ball!
**The Pumpkinator:** Dark Laser, you know that you're just a fictional character from a sci-fi franchise and not actually real?
**Dark Laser:** Well, so are you - you come from a *Crash Nebula* episode.
**The Pumpkinator:** Good point.
*(Flipsie barks and flips)*
**Dark Laser:** See? Even Flipsie agrees with me!
**Gary:** He's just a toy dog, man!
**Dark Laser:** I know! And that Timmy has a magic copier machine that I would really like to use again.
**Gary:** Why?
**Dark Laser:** (sigh) There was a woman that I lost back when I was still Clark Caine - her name was Ashla Solana.
**Super Bike:** That girlfriend of yours from those prequel movies? Pee-yeew!
**Dark Laser:** Yes, my prequel movies didn't exactly do well, but she was the love of my life. She even gave birth to my daughter - Princess Nellith. Sadly, Ashla died giving birth to her.
**Gary:** I gotta admit, even though I didn't like the *Space Wars* prequels, Ashla's death really got to me.
**Dark Laser:** Me too.
**The Pumpkinator:** So, what do you want?
**Dark Laser:** I think Gary should probably go to Timmy's place, find a Space Wars magazine with Ashla Solana on it and scan her into the magic copy machine.
**Gary:** Well, okay. *(walks away)*
**Super Bike:** What are you gonna do?
**Dark Laser:** I'm gonna go and see what's up with the Super Toilet. Why do they call it super?
**Super Bike:** I'm not going down that toilet again.
**Dark Laser:** I just want to see what the fuss is about.
*(fade to Dark Laser jumping into the Super Toilet)*
**Dark Laser:** Ready to flush the toilet?
**The Pumpkinator:** Ready.
**Dark Laser:** Let it rip!
*(The Pumpkinator flushes the Super Toilet)*
**Dark Laser:** No, wait. That was a mistake. THAT WAS A MISTAKE!
*(fade to black; then fade to Dark Laser waking up on the beach)*

**Dark Laser:** (coughs out sand) Where am I?
**Super Bike:** You're back on the island.
**Dark Laser:** Ohh, how I hate sand... It's coarse and rough and irritating, and it gets everywhere.
**The Pumpkinator:** Was going through the Super Toilet fun?
**Dark Laser:** Not really. Super Bike was right about the toilet. But at least Flipsie's okay!
**Gary:** Hey, Dark Laser, there's someone who wants to meet you.
*(Ashla Solana walks into view)*
**Ashla:** Clark Caine? Is that you?
**Dark Laser:** Ashla, long time no see.
**Ashla:** You look quite...different.
**Dark Laser:** Well, you still look as beautiful as ever. What do you think of my cape?
**Ashla:** I'd say it looks great.
**Dark Laser:** Thanks.
**Ashla:** And who is that dog of yours? I don't remember you having a dog.
**Dark Laser:** That's Flipsie. *(Flipsie flips)* He's my toy dog.
**Ashla:** He's so cute.
**Dark Laser:** Thank you, Gary, for brining Ashla back to life!
**Gary:** You're welcome. So, now that you've reunited with your girlfriend, what do you want to do now?
**Dark Laser:** I would like to leave this island.
**Gary, Super Bike and the Pumpkinator:** WHAT?!
**Gary:** That's not cool, you can't leave!
**Dark Laser:** Well, I already told you, I'm kind of bored of being here on this island. Plus, it's surrounded by sand. I want to explore the world with Ashla, to show her what this planet's like.
**Super Bike:** Ah, you're no fun.
**Dark Laser:** I'm sorry, guys. But I think I've spent enough time on this island to know that I need to make something of myself.
**The Pumpkinator:** Well, okay...
**Super Bike:** Don't forget to write to us.
**Dark Laser:** I'm really gonna miss you, guys. Especially you, Gary.
**Gary:** So will I.
**Dark Laser:** I will write to all of you. So, Ashla, ready to explore Earth?
**Ashla:** Yes.
**Dark Laser:** Then let's go!
**Super Bike:** Goodbye, Dark Laser. Hope you'll turn into a great villain again.
*(Dark Laser and Ashla go inside the escape capsule; montage of Dark Laser and Ashla exploring Earth)*
**Dark Laser:** *(narrating)* And so I went on a journey with my ex-wife Ashla to explore Earth. I even bought her a fur coat to keep herself warm in cold weather!
*(cut at the Death Ball)*
**Timmy:** *(interrupting the flashback)* Wait, stop. This was supposed to be a story of how you got out of Unwish Island, and now it's turning into a sappy love story?
**Ivan:** Timmy, be quiet. I want to hear how this story ends. Dark Laser, please continue.
**Dark Laser:** Right. *(resumes the narration)* I explored Earth with Ashla and she was in love with the place, but then she started to feel kind of hungry, so I decided to take her to a restaurant that I'm familiar with in Dimmsdale.

*(Cake 'N' Bacon)*
**Cake 'N' Bacon Waitress:** Welcome to Cake 'N' Bacon, can I take your order?
**Dark Laser:** Yes, I'll have a chocolate cake with bacon, and she'll just have the bacon.
**Cake 'N' Bacon Waitress:** Alright, chocolate cake with bacon, plus regular bacon coming right up.
**Ashla:** You eat cake with bacon?
**Dark Laser:** Yeah.
**Ashla:** That's one of the most unorthodox food combinations I've ever heard.
**Cake 'N' Bacon Waitress:** Here's your order! Bon appetit.
**Dark Laser:** Will you give it a try?
**Ashla:** Okay... *(eats some cake & bacon)* Ugh. How do people on Earth eat this? Salty and savory foods don't mix.
**Dark Laser:** Maybe you should just try eating bacon.
**Ashla:** *(eats bacon)* This Earth food is so weird. I'm sorry, Clark, but I don't like this food.
**Dark Laser:** You don't?
**Ashla:** No. I would rather go out and eat with someone less...intimidating, though you have some good fashion sense.
**Dark Laser:** Wait, so you're breaking up with me?
**Ashla:** Yes. I'm afraid it's over, Clark.
*(Ashla walks away, Dark Laser is feeling sad)*
**Cake 'N' Bacon Waitress:** Are you gonna be finishing your order, sir?
**Dark Laser:** Yes, just pack it for me, okay?
*(cut at the Death Ball)*
**Wanda:** *(interrupting the flashback)* Wow, your reunion with Ashla ended in a bit of a downer.
**Cosmo:** I know - your relationship ended all because of Cake 'N' Bacon?
**Dark Laser:** When you put it like that, yeah, it does sound kind of absurd. That's why I refer to Ashla as my ex-wife.
**Astronov:** So, how did you get the material to build the Death Ball?
**Dark Laser:** Well, I'll explain that to you as well.

*(cut to Dark Laser crying in the middle of a field)*
**Dark Laser:** *(narrating)* After going through a little bit of post-breakup depression, I decided to make my Death Ball from *Space Wars* real. I had already done a similar thing with my spaceship and army of robots, so I figured the next step would be to recreate my evil lair/weapon in outer space. I tried to copy the Death Ball using Timmy's magic copying machine, while he was away, of course, but it was too big to be life-sized. The only thing I was able to copy were the blueprints.
*(Dark Laser copies the spaceships with the magic copying machine)*
**Dark Laser:** So, after copying my spaceship again, I decided to contract some alien friends to help me out with building this large weapon that's powerful enough to destroy a planet like Earth. I would've finished it...if it wasn't for some pink-hatted buck-toothed kid that inadertedly brought his round ball-shaped godbrother and destroyed it. I had to spend five months just to rebuild it, successfully this time. *(fade to inside of the Death Ball)* And that's how I escaped Unwish Island and got back to villainy. The end.
**Ivan:** Well, Dark Laser, that was a pretty interesting story.
**Dark Laser:** Thank you. Now, then, are you ready to be destroyed?
**Timmy:** Ha! In your dreams!
*(Cosmo, Wanda, Astronov and Neptunia turn into Timmy and Ivan's lightsabers)*
**Ivan:** Let's dance!
*(Timmy, Ivan and hit Dark Laser with their fairies as lightsabers and knock him out)*
**Timmy:** I wish we were back home!
*(Cosmo, Wanda, Poof, Astronov and Neptunia raise their wands up, **BACK HOME!**)*

*(The Turner's House)*
**Timantha:** So, Ivan, big brother, where've you been?
**Timmy:** We've found out how Dark Laser escaped Unwish Island.
**Ivan:** It's a pretty long story involving his girlfriend-I mean ex-wife, Ashla Solana.
**Timantha:** Who?
**Cosmo:** She was Dark Laser's wife in *Space Wars*.
**Timantha:** Oh, I see.
**Ivan:** We also fought him for a bit before wishing ourselves back home.
**Astronov:** It sure was a fun journey - and getting to hear what Dark Laser was up to before Timmy met him again while babysitting Poof.
**Poof:** I wonder what he's up to now?
*(back at the Death Ball)*
**Dark Laser:** Huh? Where did Timmy and the other kid go? Ah, they must've beat me again. No matter, I'll get 'em next time, won't I, Flipsie?
*(Flipsie barks and flips; Dark Laser laughs)*
*(ending title card)*