Professor Gordbort

## Bio

Very recent arrival to He11 and has very spotty attendance. Can have a notable impact on the course of events when he *does* arrive, but if he's ignored he usually just starts babbling about his personal life until he either passes out or the topic changes to something that grabs his attention.

## Professor Gordbort

Ebenezer Gordbort in his natural habitat, not knowing what is going on. Or how to use MSpaint.

## Random

### Leitmotif

Bloody Slam (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7hiF7fXhLg)

Ebenezer is, more often than not, highly confused about his surroundings and just stumbling through with what little information he can gather. He is prone to spontaneous outbursts and over-the-top reactions to mundane details, which are often best left ignored. He probably has autism.

He is also prone to randomly tying himself up whenever bored and proceeding to chat with the courtroom as though nothing is out of the ordinary. As far as can be discerned, this has nothing to do with BDSM.

Ebenezer is s a chaotic influence in He11, often stirring up trouble either just to sit back and watch the fireworks or as a natural consequence of his spastic mindset. Tends to enjoy causing random inconveniences such as bursting through the door dressed as Franziska and screaming "Skidaddle Skidoodle, this court is now gay" before switching the background to MLP. This usually lasts about 5 seconds before someone switches the background back and he waits around for 5 minutes so he can do it again.

Has a tendency to use Fredboat in every wrong way conceivable, spouting garbage videos, memes, YTP, and the occasional 6 minute clip of fly sex from the video chat whenever he gets the chance. There may or may not be actual music thrown in the 6 or 7 videos he lumps into the queue at once.

Can get incredibly dramatic, often going into long monologues with painstaking attention to detail that nobody cares to pay any attention to. When he's not giving long asides, he's usually spouting some flavor of nonsense.

Has a broad vocabulary but still finds a way to suck at speaking coherently. Has to correct himself frequently for saying things that make no sense. Also tends to use odd metaphors and euphemisms instead of swearing. The reason for this is unknown.

Also has the ability to teleport and shape-shift, but is extremely weak to knives.

Is prone to rambling for paragraphs upon paragraphs about information nobody cares about but himself.

## Noteworthy Events

### **Chocolate Death Camps**

A long time ago, Gordbort was the proud owner of no less than 5 "chocolate death camps", taking inspiration from Willy Wonka. There, he would take people to die in various sugary ways, trying to make the last moments of their lives as happy as possible. However, with the help of Mia, he was able to reach an epiphany: *people cannot eat chocolate when they are dead.* Armed with this knowledge, he tricked Maya into giving him a Magatama, which he then used to seal the souls of people he killed in a "chocolate matrix" that gives his victims fantasies of wandering through a sugary wonderland for all eternity. The people of He11 objected to this, but only because he stole Maya's necklace to do so. For the most part, they seemed to not notice all that stuff about the mass killings. Thot Patrol Sho took the Magatama from Gordbort's factory, returning it to Maya and giving Gordbort a replica to use in his factory, which he holds in his possession to this day.

###

### **Fredboat Queue**

Gordbort has long had a fascination with the local Fredboat in the he11 Discord, which is able to play any video through the audio channels to everyone who opts into the "Autism" voice channel. (While it can, in fact, be used on any voice channel, it typically ends up staying in Autism.)

At one point, Gordbort had helped to load the Queue with no less than 4 pages of various meme songs, all of which were set to repeat until Queen Franziska[Citation needed] managed to repair the Fredboat, allowing it to dump "songs" from the Queue. However, by this point, it had already become very late and most of the residents had left for bed. Undaunted, Gordbort sat through several hours of the Fredboat's dumpster fire of a queue, determined to listen to the whole thing through to the end.

At about 2:00 AM, VPollo came in to check up on the Discord (and listen to relaxing music for homework purposes) and discovered Gordbort listening to "The Entire Bee Movie Script But Im Screaming Every Word (100,000 Subscriber Special)". Confused but ultimately not really caring enough to dig very deep into Gordbort's motives, Vpollo worked for about 20 minutes trying to get a separate voice bot to work before deciding "screw it" and hijacking Fredboat for himself. (This was, coincidentally, a few minutes after the Bee Movie video ended and about 20 minutes before the Queue would have been empty.)

Distraught, Gordbort began spouting nonsense for about a half hour before Lesbian Lana convinced him to go to bed.

(vv Below is a work in process vv)

### **Pony-Steak Pearl and the Great Semen Showdown**

Disguised himself as Pearl in a fit of sleep-depraved insanity, eventually sparking a sprawling battle between Atmey, Apollo and Gant once the first two started mocking Gordbort by eating Pony Steak covered in semen. That will make sense when I have time to elaborate on this story.

[The exact identities of these individuals are unknown to me at this time. If any of you reading this were involved, please edit this to reflect the actual names of the characters in question.]

### **Soup Wars**

Instigated the Soup Wars that destroyed VSoC for an entire day by spamming "Soup".