Episode 80: Legal Battles

**Video:**
1:00:05

**Video:**
legal battles.mp4

https://globehell.libsyn.com/

## Episode Summary

Have you seen the news? Drake is being sued. Ninja may sue  Pokimane. All these battles...in court. But what if we removed them from  court and did real battles instead of fake? A legal battle becomes a Legal  Battle...

## Idea Details

* Idea: Legal Battles
* Creator of idea: Drew
* Purpose of idea: Welcome, everyone, to Globe Hell Warning. Um there's a lot of b-- legal battles going on, Josiah. Um firstly, the first thing that came -- (Josiah: "People are uh suing you for harassment.") No. Shut the *fuck* up. (Josiah: "Ninja is suing you f--") Ninja is not suing me for impersonation, but there is some legal drama with Ninja and Pokimane going on right now. (Josiah: "Pokemon?") No: Pokimane, the streamer. (Josiah: "Who's that?") Well I can't educate you on everything, Josiah. You have to have some base level of knowledge coming -- I mean, this is pop culture that you should know about. Pokimane is a very popular streamer -- (Josiah: "Pokemon.") Poki*mane* is a very popular streamer. Uh she is in a legal battle -- well, may *possibly* be getting into a legal um battle because she defamed uh Ninja's name -- (Josiah: "Cause you impersonated Ninja.") No, that's not true. Well, that -- it i-- that's true, but there's no legal issue with that. Uh, I mean, you could say, um -- I mean, I wouldn't say -- yes, I was banned from Twitter uh for impersonating Ninja, but that's not a legal battle. I'm talking about legal battles that go on in the courts. Um there's another legal battle, um -- (Josiah: "So one-on-one basketball.") Well, we're gon-- we'll get to stuff -- we'll get to one-on-one battles, OK? (Josiah: "Britney Spears!") But Josiah, there's -- so, court -- legal battles are a complicated and awkward thing, it takes years -- (Josiah: "Well it's like -- you know, because in Can-- where we live, in Canada, they should-- it shouldn't be called 'court', it should be called 'litre'! That's what I think!") Well, I think that's awful. But there's a much easier way to do this, Josiah. To get rid of all the red tape, get rid of all the lawyers, get rid of the judges, get rid of the jury -- (Josiah: "Spermicide, you're saying. Instead of hot sau--") No! No, no, I'm not talking about specifically about get-- how to ruin your seed so that it can't be stolen. Um, which I think is an important thing to talk about! But this is not necessarily the time. But there's a much simpler way to do this, Josiah. (Josiah: "So your point that you're trying to make is that cour-- just court. You're just trying to say c-- that court is a thing.") Get rid -- get rid of -- no. First of all, we have *so* much going on. The -- you look at -- (Josiah: "It's stacked against men, also. The courts.") Well, we're not gonna get into that. (Josiah: "But it's -- I mean, we're not gonna get into it cause *you* agree. And you told me that you think that.") You're the one who brought it up. (Josiah: "Yeah, I'm trying to help you get through your notes!") Look, I'm saying that there are inh-- yes, there are inherent biases in the court system -- (Josiah: "Against men, mhm.") No, I didn't say that. (Josiah: "OK.") Um, people have inherent biases, juries, the way that juries are [unintelligible] -- (Josiah: "Well, you never hear court cases about uh, for example, a uterine lining being mixed with hot sauce. No one would ever say that the uterine -- it's only gonna be semen that's packing up the courts with cum and hot sauce. You're never gonna hear someone's uterine lining was used in a burrito bowl, or whatever.") Well, that's not true, you could have a s-- you could have a s-- we -- a couple weeks ago, we brought up the idea of a tiny man swimming up inside of a woman and retrieving the egg, so you could imagine this happening, um and maybe she puts a bomb in the egg or she puts some-- after he retrieves the egg -- (Josiah: "I think that's called huevos rancheros.") Well, there you go. He retrieves the egg, she says, 'I don't want anybody to uh use this egg, so I'm gonna put this chemical inside of it that reacts with semen so that if anybody uh cums on it, it'll explode.' And then somebody does that. I think that could -- that would be a possible legal case. And, again, think how embarrassing that would be for everybody -- (Josiah: "So you have to talk about it, you have to talk about your eggs, and your pussy, and the cum, the hot sauce.") I'm imagining -- Imagine uh your -- all of your f-- (Josiah: "There's always gonna be -- You know what's the worst, most embarrassing part is there's always gonna be some fuckin' know-it-all who's like, 'You're using *green* hot sauce with that, and not *red*? I mean, don't you know anything about the -- the -- I don't know. Anthony Bourdain, or whatever?' ") But ima-- right. Imagine all of your family, your friends in court watching a tiny man um testify that he swam up inside you and stole your eggs. Think about that. It'd be awful! But there's an easier way to do it! I mean, you could imagine -- imagine Drake -- this, like -- if this were a -- you could bring back duels and stuff, what I want to call Legal Battles, um to turn them into -- take Legal Battles fr-- out of courts and into the street.
* Timetable: Legal Battles will start immediately but we will not see the true benefits for decades until we start educating everyone on how to play Yu-Gi-Oh and get the kids educated starting at an early age.
* Idea details:
	+ Duels will be brought back under the name Legal Battles, whereby we will take Legal Battles out of courts and into the street. This will be easier than risking embarrassment over things like putting hot sauce in your pussy and needing to testify about it in front of all your family and friends.
	+ Legal Battles will only be an option, not a requirement for all legal cases. They will be considered equal.
	+ Any marksmen who have an advantage in pulling or shooting pistols would even it out by both parties doing other hand.
	+ If everyone was dueling all the time, there would be less people to fight corrupt wars.
	+ Legal Battles will involve a Yu-Gi-Oh card-based fight system.
	+ Part of the education system from early on will be to learn the lore of Yu-Gi-Oh. There will also be a Yu-Gi-Oh government.
	+ Legal Battles will have referees to make sure the rules are followed.
	+ In order to do a Legal Battle, you need to do a real-life Yu-Gi-Oh anime duel on video and upload it to YouTube. Both parties will be required to upload their own videos. The quality of the videos will not enter into the final determination, they are simply proof of the Legal Battle having taken place.
	+ Note: This idea seems to contradict the elimination of the internet in Episode 8: World Wide Web and the elimination of all other forms of media in Episode 31: Mandatory Warhol. Presumably, as with World Wide Email Forwarding Registration Service, World Wide Comedy, and Episode 38: CLOWNFTDT, these Yu-Gi-Oh duel videos being uploaded to YouTube would somehow be worked into the World Wide Web can-and-strings.
	+ Appeals will be allowed to take place based on things like view counts, where maybe one party won the Legal Battle but the other party's video had more views on YouTube. This will be called a Duel Of The Videos, at which point a judge will be brought in to provide their ruling on the final outcome. If these steps don't work, then you're allowed to shoot each other in the face with guns as part of a real duel. This will avoid putting strain on the system for years. Essentially, once all dueling avenues have been exhausted, it will just be a free-for-all where whoever kills the other person first wins.
	+ If you are rich, you will be able to hire a sniper.
	+ It will be important to learn things that Yu-Gi-Oh players say in order to protect yourself because otherwise there could be people who are good at Yu-Gi-Oh who then become predators in the legal system.
	+ In the future, everyone will be educated.
	+ It will take about 50 years for the benefits of this system of Yu-Gi-Oh card-based duel Legal Battles to become evident because we ideally need everyone in the world to become educated on Yu-Gi-Oh from an early age first. Until then,
	+ Sentencing doesn't matter because the duel is the entire thing. The only punishment for committing crimes is losing the battle and thus admitting you were wrong.

## Devil Play

* Josiah played devil by pointing out that some people might be double-jointed in their fingers, which might give them some advantage in a duel. He went on to say there's probably some other kinds of mixed abilities regarding shooting or pulling a pistol out. He also mentioned that Legal Battles wouldn't be fair if one party is a marksman, though he allowed for the possibility that maybe the way to get ahead in life now is to be like the real-life John Wick.
	+ Drew responded that *John Wick* is a movie.
	+ Josiah replied that John Wick is a guy.
	+ Drew countered, saying that *John Wick* is a franchise.
	+ Josiah said McDonald's.
	+ Drew thought of a retort later, saying that any marksmen would even it out by doing left hand. Both parties do other hand.
	+ Josiah agreed that this made sense.

## Notable Events

* Josiah and Drew discussed both the groundbreaking nature of the world's first silent podcast episode, as well as the seemingly muted response it received from the other podcasts.
* From 2:06 to 2:22, Josiah's image disappeared from view.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Drew Meaning" about what Drew's name means and how to say it. The video confirmed that Drew is a male driven name that is spelled D-R-E-W and pronounced 'drew'. Drew confirmed this was correct.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "How to Pronounce Drew" about how to pronounce Drew.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "How to Pronounce Drew - PronounceNames.com" about how Drew is pronounced 'd r OO', which breaks down to '**d**o **r**at f**oo**d'.
* Drew displayed his new cat Duck.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "How To Say Drew" about how to say Drew with EmmaSaying free pronunciation tutorials.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "How to pronounce DREW in British English" about how to pronounce DREW in British English.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "How to Pronounce Drew | Drew Pronunciation" about how to pronounce "Drew" with the American Pronunciation Guide ("APG")!
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "How To Pronounce Drew - Pronunciation Academy" about how to pronounce Drew.
* Josiah and Drew discussed that there is a video tier on their Patreon that allows subscribers to watch episodes instead of only listen to episodes.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Drew - Boy Baby Name Meaning, Origin and Popularity" about how Drew is an abbreviated form of Andrew which is the anglicized form of the Greek name “Andreas”, stemming from ‘andr’ which translates into “man” or “warrior”.
* Drew confirmed that his full name is Andreas and he's Greek.
* Josiah attempted to show Drew a video about the meaning of the name 'Josiah' but he was blocked from doing so.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Josiah Baby Name Meaning, Origin and Popularity, by SleeplessParent.com" about how 'Josiah' has a Hebrew origin, means 'the Lord burns; the fire of the Lord', is the #45 most popular name in the US, and is a name held by 0% Males and 100% Females.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Josiah Meaning" about what Josiah means.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "How to Pronounce Josiah? (CORRECTLY)" about how to say Josiah correctly (Hebrew Bible) with Julien, "how do you pronounce" free pronunciation audio/video tutorials.
* Josiah and Drew briefly watched a video called "How to Pronounce Josiah" about how to pronounce Josiah.
* Josiah and Drew rewatched "How to pronounce DREW in British English".
* Josiah attempted again to show Drew the video about the meaning of his name but was again rebuffed.
* Josiah and Drew rewatched "How to pronounce DREW in British English".
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Drake Getting Sued Over Hot Sauce In Condom?!" about how Drake is allegedly getting sued by an Instagram model after he apparently put hot sauce in his condom!
* Josiah told several hot sauce jokes.
* Josiah and Drew discussed selling Drake's seed on eBay and potentially even mixing it with hot sauces like chipotle, or perhaps avoiding ruining the seed by serving it with the hot sauce on the side.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Colorized Historical Video - Pistol Duel [4k upscaled]" about a Pistol Duel between two deputies in 1896 in Chapultepec Park (Mexico).
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Why Don't People Duel Anymore (Short Animated Documentary)" about how people stopped dueling because shooting people for being rude to you became to be seen as impolite.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Dueling Soon to Become "Legal" in Canada?" about an introduction to the rules of historical (pistol) duels.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "How Bad Could IRL Zombie Outbreaks Really Be?" about how if you're a writer or gamemaster looking for tools to better organize your work, check out Campfire.
* Josiah and Drew officially challenged Skallagrim to a duel because they didn't like his vibe. They announced that they might not use weapons but he is on notice and it will be a duel.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "REAL LIFE YU-GI-OH ANIME DUEL!" about how with Duel Disks in hand and a Deck of cards, it's time for Alex and Alec to decide who the real King of Games is!
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Things Every Yu-Gi-Oh Anime Player Says" about
* Josiah and Drew rewatched "How to pronounce DREW in British English".

## Notable Quotes

### Josiah

* "You wanna be silent now? You wanna keep doing the same bit?"
* [In response to learning that 'Josiah' is a 100% female name] "And that's probably why you're always yelling at me! And bullying me. Because I'm female. I have a female name and it's like s-- you're seeing red."
* "Every time Drew bullies me, just remember it's cause he thinks I'm a woman."
* "Hillary Clinton keeps a bottle of cum in her bag."
* "Have you ever uh used Taco Bell hot sauce as anal lube? I hear that shit's fire."
* [On the topic of a used condom being filled with hot sauce] "Have you ever seen *Hot Ones*? The show about the -- Cause they could do something like that. Uh, maybe a guest has to eat a whole bunch of cum! And each condom has more hot sauce and cum in it. The -- cause, you know, the cream -- when you're eating spicy food, uh dairy can even out the keel. So maybe the first condom is *mostly* cum with a little bit of hot sauce, and then as it goes on and you're telling that guy about what it was like working on set for that th-- whate-- and then you're just eating more -- less cum and more hot sauce by the end. Is that what the idea is this week?"
* [On the topic of legal battles taking place in court] "Well it's like -- you know, because in Can-- where we live, in Canada, they should-- it shouldn't be called 'court', it should be called 'litre'! That's what I think!"
* "I would g-- hit Drake with that gorilla grip. Cause once you get his seed in you, you're set for life."
* "So your point that you're trying to make is that cour-- just court. You're just trying to say c-- that court is a thing."
* "It's stacked against men, also. The courts. But it's -- I mean, we're not gonna get into it cause *you* agree. And you told me that you think that."
* "Well, you never hear court cases about uh, for example, a uterine lining being mixed with hot sauce. No one would ever say that the uterine -- it's only gonna be semen that's packing up the courts with cum and hot sauce. You're never gonna hear someone's uterine lining was used in a burrito bowl, or whatever."
* "So you have to talk about it, you have to talk about your eggs, and your pussy, and the cum, the hot sauce."
* "So you're saying right now, a legal battle in court would be, like, assuming this had happened - obviously it wouldn't - but you're in court and it's your soon-to-be ex-wife asking that you help pay alimony and help take care of the kids, and you're saying, 'Fuck you. You're a B, you're a C,' you're saying all these things to her, you're saying, 'I think you're a B and a C, and I think I'm just like, you know, your typical uh,' -- you're calling her shrill and stu-- all this kind of stuff that you're s-- That's all the kind of stuff that *you're* saying. Well that's what I'm s-- in this sitinr-- in this scenario, you *do*, and you're calling her a shrill B in court in front of her family. And what you're saying is instead that you would just like to shoot her in the head."
* "You should be allowed to shoot someone in the face if they're performing *Hamilton* for you."
* "Well, like, remember when we were uh True Crime Podcast, one of the main crimes we've investigated was uh traffic violations."
* "We need to lock down our borders if these kind of people are living in Canada."
* [On the topic of locking down the borders to certain people trying to come in] "You should have to pass a swag test to move here."
* [On the topic of bureaucracy] "I call it 'bureau-crazy'! Kinda what I call it."
* "Yu-..Gi-..Oh. What is that, a damn uh kind of yogurt?"
* [On the topic of Blue-Eyes White Dragon] "Oh, blue eyes!"
* "Yessssss, blue eyes. Blue eyes always wins, baby!"
* "Blue eyes, blue eyes, blue eyes."
* "How are you not cheering for blue eyes??"
* "Do they have gym class at law school? Probably at law school gym class, you have to hold two s-- uh manual scales and then put weights on either one of them and balance them out."

### Drew

* "Let's do another silent episode."
* [On the topic of the world's first silent podcast] "A lot of people said it was groundbreaking. Uhh we didn't get a lot of love from the other podcasts. I thought a lot of the other podcasts that follow us on Twitter would uh tweet about it. A lot of different uh podcasts and uh podcast channels follow us. Um largely because we are the uh World Wide Podcast and we own all of them."
* "Oh! There's your tummy! What's that? Jesus Christ! Welcome to Josiah's -- uh, we're doing a tour of Josiah's body. That was the sound of Josiah ejaculating."
* "I love it when automated females say my name."
* [On the topic of how to pronounce his name] "'D' as in 'do', 'r' as in 'rat', 'OO' as in 'food'."
* [In response to seeing a baby in a video] "Ugly baby. Sign up for the Patreon to see this ugly baby."
* "Sign up for Patreon to see a crying baby. Named Josiah."
* "I think uh 'Josiah' means uh 'small penis', uh, 'ass full of poo'."
* "I learned your name means that you've got a stinky winky."
* [In response to Josiah saying people are suing Drew for harassment] "No. Shut the *fuck* up."
* "Well I can't educate you on everything, Josiah. You have to have some base level of knowledge coming -- I mean, this is pop culture that you should know about. Pokimane is a very popular streamer -- (Josiah: 'Pokemon.') Poki*mane* is a very popular streamer."
* [In response to Josiah starting to tell a joke] "I hope this is not a racist joke."
* [In response to Josiah's guess that this episode was about using spermicide instead of hot sauce] "No! No, no, I'm not talking about specifically about get-- how to ruin your seed so that it can't be stolen. Um, which I think is an important thing to talk about! But this is not necessarily the time."
* [In response to Josiah saying you never hear court cases about a uterine lining being mixed with hot sauce, but rather that it's only gonna be semen that's packing up the courts with cum and hot sauce] "Well, that's not true, you could have a s-- you could have a s-- we -- a couple weeks ago, we brought up the idea of a tiny man swimming up inside of a woman and retrieving the egg, so you could imagine this happening, um and maybe she puts a bomb in the egg or she puts some-- after he retrieves the egg -- Well, there you go. He retrieves the egg, she says, 'I don't want anybody to uh use this egg, so I'm gonna put this chemical inside of it that reacts with semen so that if anybody uh cums on it, it'll explode.' And then somebody does that. I think that could -- that would be a possible legal case. And, again, think how embarrassing that would be for everybody."
* "Imagine all of your family, your friends in court watching a tiny man um testify that he swam up inside you and stole your eggs. Think about that. It'd be awful! But there's an easier way to do it!"
* "I mean, you could imagine -- imagine Drake -- this, like -- if this were a -- you could bring back duels and stuff, what I want to call Legal Battles, um to turn them into -- take Legal Battles fr-- out of courts and into the street."
* "I don't have wife."
* "If everyone was dueling all the time, there would be less people to fight wars. Corrupt wars."
* [In response to Josiah saying they should lock down their borders] "Of course you're against immigration."
* "Oh, he's got a blue eyes shirt!"
* "Imagine how famous we'd be if *we* beat the Yu-Gi-Oh people at Yu-Gi-Oh in a Yu-Gi-Oh duel."

## Trivia

* This is the fourth episode idea that involves discussion of sexual activities performed on an egg inside the body, after Episode 33: Back to Basics, Episode 69: Swarm Army, and Episode 78: Raygunomics.
* This is the second episode that involves discussion of court cases, after True Crime Podcast.
* This is the second episode idea that involves a sniper killing people legally, after Episode 75: Hipster Hunter, though it is the third episode if including the Sniper Roomba from Episode 35: Its Time to Talk About the Police.