Break Point

*March 5, 2020*

Ellen sits on a railing at the West Halcyon Skate Park, hands jammed in her pockets and shoulders hunched to her ears. Kids go whizzing by on their bikes and boards, jumping and flipping and spinning, but across all the action her eyes stay locked on one figure. She squeezes the folded-up letter from Boon in her pocket, running the worn out crease between index finger and thumb, working out what to say and how to approach her… friend? Who even knew anymore.

Near the edge of the park Boon has found a flat spot to practice plow stops. As she's running drills she notices Ellen entering the park and grimaces for a moment. *Fuck fuck fuck, she's here. Alright play it cool, you can do this.* Boon carefully skates over to Ellen, holding one arm in the other awkwardly. "H-hey Ellen, did you um… get my letter?"

Ellen crumples the paper in her fist on hearing Boon’s voice. She hadn’t expected to still be this angry, but she feels the acid rising in her throat, the blood rushing to her ears. She remembers Cassie. *C’mon E, you just gotta talk to her. Just get through one conversation.*

“Yeah,” she swallows her feelings, “I got it. ‘Cept, I don’t really know if I do. ‘Cause yesterday I got a text message - well, like 8 of them - from Atlanta telling me that you two are official now. So do I still need to look out for her, or did you decide not to fuckin’ die within the last week?”

Boon tenses at hearing the anger in Ellen's voice. Alarms go off inside her head and a flashing red block of text reading *STILL ANGRY* fills her mind's eye. Boon is silent for a moment and brings both of her hands to her side, clenching her fists. After a beat she relaxes her grip and makes eye contact with Ellen "Yes, actually. I did," she sighs, "doesn't mean I won't. But I'm not just gonna sit around and let it happen… Is that a problem?"

“What’re you asking me for? It’s *your* deal with the devil, shouldn’t you know if it’s a problem?” Ellen cocks an eyebrow at Boon, aware that her voice has been betraying her true feelings.

Sighing, she continues. “Look, I’m not mad at you for making a stupid decision. Join the fucking club, dude. But like… why tell me? About the dying thing. Like- what do you want *me* to do about it?”

“Because you deserve an explanation for why I acted the way I did the other week… and like…” her gaze shifts towards the ground, “if the worst happens I would at least feel better knowing you and Tay were there for Atlanta, she’s been through a lot lately.”

She looks back up at Ellen “Listen, I’m not asking you to do anything about it, I’m not asking for your help… but I am offering you something other than words as an apology. If you want closure… you know, like… with Old Ellen’s partner.” A determined look fills Boon’s eyes “I’m going to make the one who did it fucking pay. One way or another”

Ellen grimaces. “Ugh, if you’re talking about going back in time to punch your dad or whatever, count me out. I got enough time travel of my own to worry about. Besides, that’s Old Me’s problem, not mine. Go apologize to her if you wanna say you’re sorry so badly. Or apologize to Tay, she’s the one you punched!”

She stands and steps down from the railing, pacing back and forth with her head down. “I don’t care about any of this!” Ellen is aware of exactly how much she cares, and exactly how much it is obvious that she does.

"Well you should!" Boon grits her teeth. "She's not you, Ellen, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't care about her. You're- you're an incredible person Ellen, and if you can end up being incredible then so can she! She may not be our Ellen but she's still an Ellen and I think you know that both of you could benefit from some closure."

Boon shifts nervously for a moment before continuing on, "And I wasn't talking about my Dad, he already got what was coming to him. I'm talking about his um…" she points at her horns, "business partner… I want to take care of this, not just so I can live, but so I don't end up doing something as bad as he did. To anyone, let alone to you."

*‘So I don’t end up doing something as bad as he did.’*

The words ring in Ellen's head as she continues to pace, fuming and furious at the familiarity of the sentiment. She huffs and puffs and her frustration gets the better of her. It all comes out in a shout that cuts through the din of the skate park, followed by a dull 'CLANG!' as Ellen kicks the railing she’d just been perched on, bending it out of shape.

“FUCK!” She catches her breath, “Okay fine, you’re right. Whoever it is you’re dealing with, I wanna punch them. I wanna fuck them up. But I don’t wanna do it for her. Okay? I don’t wanna ‘get’ her. She wasn’t… she’s not supposed to… it wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

Ellen kicks at the railing again, but all her energy is gone. The embarrassment of having basically thrown a tantrum catches up to her, and she can’t bring herself to make eye contact with Boon.

Boon stands staring at Ellen in stunned silence, becoming increasingly aware of the small crowd that’s gathering. *Fuck it, I guess we’re doing this now.* Boon skates over to the railing that Ellen kicked, where she stands avoiding Boon’s gaze. She looks at her for a moment and grits her teeth. “You know what Ellen? Yeah. Sometimes we do everything the way we think we’re supposed to and everything still comes crumbling down around us. We avoid being our worst selves, but they laugh in our faces. And when that happens it makes me feel helpless. And I hate feeling helpless.”

Despite the furious look in her ashen eyes Boon gives a smirk and then turns towards the railing. Her wrist guard melds into her arm as it transforms into a massive stone claw. Another 'CLANG!' rings out across the otherwise quiet park as Boon lands a punch on the railing, leaving an equally impressive dent. “You wanna fucking punch something about it!?”

The sudden hit from Boon startles Ellen, and she squints at Boon. Scrutinizes her. *What the fuck? Does she want me to punch her?* Ellen’s eyes dart around to the crowd and all the eyes staring back at them. You could cut through the tension with a butter knife. *Not here. Not now. C’mon, you’re better than her.*

She takes a few deep breaths, tries to calm herself by remembering the steps Melody taught her. *In, hold, out. In, hold, out.* Ellen opens her eyes and faces Boon. “Yeah. Sure. You let me know when you’re gonna fight… whatever the hell you’re fighting, and I’ll be there. And I’ll help. And you’ll make it through this. And you and Atlanta’ll be fine. And that’s one less thing I have to worry about before I go. Deal?” Ellen isn’t sure whether to put her hand out for a handshake — it’s not like she’s some old fuckin’ suit or something.

Boon’s smirk disappears from her face and her eyes widen as she hears Ellen’s response. “Ellen, what do you mean ‘before I go’? You’re not thinking of going back are you!?” Boon clenches her transformed fist with a newfound anger.

“Yeah. Duh,” Ellen shrugs and wrenches the railing back into place and takes back her seat, “that was always the plan. What’s it to you?” An eyebrow raises and Ellen’s eyes dart between Boon’s eyes and the not-so-subtle gargoyle fist.

"You wanna know!? Fine! I care about you, you dipshit!! We all fucking care about you! You wanna go back to the nineties where everyone wears fucking JNCO jeans and hang out with an acne-ridden Crispy watching Friends as it airs!? Be my fucking guest, but you're leaving us all behind."

Boon's horns and canines grow almost imperceptibly longer in response to her rising anger. "And for what? What do you have there? What's in the nineties that's more important than your friends? Because I'd love to go back in time to punch it too."

“All the things I have here, I have there too. And more. And I had them for 16 years there! So, what? I’m supposed to give all of that up? Sure, Chris was a dipshit, but at least I could still talk to him! My own fucking boyfriend is old as shit now and treats me like a stranger! Random people call me a piece of shit for things I didn’t do! It's not like this place is all sunshine and rainbows, ok?!”

By the end of her rant, Ellen is standing, balancing on the lower railing, standing eye to eye with Boon for once in her goddamn life. “Deal with *your* problems before you even start thinking about mine.”

Boon grits her teeth once again. "Fine! I'm not the one that's going to have to say goodbye to all of my best friends. Oh, wait. I might! Oh, but unlike dying, maybe someone will figure out how to send messages to the past. Maybe Atlanta and Melody will send you pictures of them eating pancakes alone. Maybe Gwen will send you a postcard! Maybe Carm will write you a song and send it back so you can play it for Chris!"

Boon steps forward and gets up in Ellen's face as patches of stone begin to appear on her own. "Maybe I care too much about other people's problems, but at least I care about someone other than myself!" She abruptly spins around and starts skating away from Ellen towards the crowd surrounding them.

Ellen watches Boon disappear as the crowd disperses and continue their skating. She exhales for a long time, as if she hadn’t breathed at all the whole confrontation. She drops down and leans against the railing, pulls the now crumpled letter from her pocket, and flattens it against her leg.

She shuts her eyes tight midway through re-reading it and flips it over to reveal a list of names scrawled in pen:

Boon

Seth

Melody

Aman

Atlanta

Katayoun

She crosses Boon’s name out.