The Iliad

* Normal
* Clean

***Classics Summarized: The Iliad*** is the third episode of the Classics Summarized series by Red. It summarizes the ancient Greek epic poem *Iliad* by Homer, which recounts the final year of the Trojan War.

## Introduction

Red begins by talking about how the *Iliad* is ridiculously long, totaling about 600 pages, and was originally passed down through oral tradition. She then says that there are way to many named characters in the book, but there are only a few that are important; the important Trojans are Hector, Paris, and Helen, while the important Greeks are Achilles, Patroclus, Odysseus, Agamemnon (whom Red despises), Menelaus, Diomedes, Ajax the Great, and Ajax the Lesser. Red explains that the poem is called the "Iliad" because Troy's name at the time was "Ilias," meaning that the title literally means "Troy Story." (Cue *Toy Story* joke)

Red then explains through text that the video is drawn in a chibi-esque style because the only movie version of the *Iliad* she could find was *Troy,* which has so many changes it was unusable as footage.

## Summary

### Book 1

Nine years into the Trojan War, the Trojan priest Chryses of Apollo requested that Agamemnon give back his daughter Chryseis, who Agamemnon had taken as his bride-prize. He offered a huge ransom for her, but Agamemnon refuses. For this, Chryses prays to Apollo for help, so Apollo shoots plague on the Greek army. Achilles asked Agamemnon to give Chryses back to her father, but he still refuses. Achilles becomes so angry at this that Athena has to physically restrain him from killing Agamemnon (More divine intervention to come).

Eventually, Agamemnon capitulated but only on the condition that he would be compensated with Briseis, Achilles' bride-prize. Achilles reluctantly obliges, but he also promptly drops out of the war and sulks in his tent. The Greeks' loss is then compounded when Achilles asks his mother Thetis to get Zeus to support the Trojans.

### Book 2

Zeus, always in the mood to screw with mortals, sends a dream to Agamemnon telling him to just go for it and attack the Trojans. Agamemnon is all for this, but then Zeus sends the same dream to Hector, a great Trojan warrior, and he also musters his forces.

### Book 3

Helen makes a list of the Greek soldiers while also being self-deprecating.

Menelaus, Helen's former husband, challenges Paris, Helen's current husband, to a duel. Paris agrees, but he's also a total wuss and is quickly on the ropes. Aphrodite, however, decides to take him off the battlefield before his inevitable death and into Helen's chambers, trying to realize her OTP.

Red then mentions that this is Aphrodite's general dynamic with Helen and Paris throughout the book. She also explains how the war started; Aphrodite offered Paris the most beautiful woman in the world in exchange for Eris' golden Apple of Discord. The other contenders, Hera and Athena, offered Paris kingship of the whole world and cool battle tactics, respectively. Unfortunately, Paris picked Aphrodite, Aphrodite got Helen to fall for him, and the two ran off to Troy. In essence, the whole Trojan war is Aphrodite's fault.

Returning to the present, Menelaus is still royally pissed and demands that Paris return and fight like a man.

### Book 4

During a temporary truce between the Greek and Trojan armies, the gods collectively decide that chaos is the order of the day. Athena gets a Trojan soldier to shoot at Menelaus, he misses, and the fighting immediately starts up again.

### Book 5

Book 5 centers on a lesser-known character named Diomedes. He is tearing through Trojans when Athena spots Ares and Aphrodite interfering with the battle. She then goes down to Diomedes in chibi form, gives him god-vision, and warns him not to fight anyone who is a god with the exception of the relatively squishy Aphrodite. Diomedes acknowledges this and continues tearing through the Trojan army.

Eventually, Diomedes spots Aphrodite carrying an injured soldier off the battlefield, so he hucks a spear into her wrist, causing Aphrodite to drop the soldier and cower back to Olympus. Apollo then notices the soldier, who is the Trojan hero Aeneas and goes to save him. Diomedes also tries to stab him, but Apollo gets up in his face with his godliness, and Diomedes takes a more prudent direction and steps back.

Later, Ares shows up to the battle. Athena again appears to Diomedes as a chibi and sternly asks him why he isn't fighting Ares. Diomedes recalls her previous order, but Athena tells him to forget it because he's the best around (*Nothing's ever gonna keep you down...*). Diomedes then stabs Ares who runs back to Olympus where Zeus emotionally abuses him to add insult to injury.

### Book 6

Someone tells Hector to tell the Trojan women to pray to Athena to get Diomedes to stop killing all the Trojans, so they do, but Athena says no.

### Book 7

Apollo talks to Athena and tells her that it would be more interesting if Diomedes didn't single-handedly win the war, so they abruptly press pause on the fighting (how are they doing this?) and have a Greek fight Hector in single combat. The important Greeks then hold a lottery to decide who gets to fight Hector. Ajax the Great wins the lottery and fights Hector until nightfall, at which point they call it a day and go home.

### Book 8

The Greeks start losing and the Trojans start winning.

### Book 9

Upon lamenting on the Greeks' current loss, Agamemnon suggests that they go away. Diomedes, however, sets him straight by reminding him that he called them all cowards, but now he wants to run away. A bit flustered, Agamemnon insists that he was saying that they should go away *"and get Achilles to come out of his tent."* Ajax the Great and Odysseus then go to convince Achilles, just chilling with Patroclus, to come back. They offer him Briseis back with some kingship and riches, but Achilles refuses and tells them that he will be sailing home the next day. He then talks about how his boyfriend Patroclus is great and awesome and that he hopes he'll never die.

### Book 10

Odysseus and Diomedes go on a Metal Gear Solid stealth mission to infiltrate the enemy camp for information. Hector gets the same idea and sends a less important character on the same job. Incidentally, the two parties run into each other by the Conveniently Placed Large Object, and Odysseus and Diomedes interrogate the other guy. After getting some information, they decapitate the guy, infiltrate the Trojan camp, and escape with a fancy chariot and a king's armor.

### Book 11

The sun rises, and Agamemnon has his time to shine. During the fighting, a warrior Achilles is fond of gets injured. Back at the camp, Achilles asks Patroclus to go check if he knew any of the wounded. When Patroclus gets to the wounded tent, Nestor "politely" asks him to get Achilles back on the battlefield.

### Book 12-15

Zeus decides to use the divine intervention card again and causes a thunderstorm that pushes the Greeks back to their ships, allowing the Trojans to start winning. Poseidon, tired of not being important, gives the Ajaxes some stat boosts, so the Greeks start winning. Hera uses her seduction powers to distract Zeus in order to keep the Greeks winning. Zeus wakes up after Hera's feminine wiles wear off, gets pissed, and goes to make sure the Trojans start winning. Ares notices that one of his kids dies and prepares to go out and fight, but Athena slaps the armor off of him and tells him not to.

### Book 16

Returning to the realm of mortals, Patroclus goes to Achilles and asks him to return to the battlefield. He says no, but then he gets the bright idea to have Patroclus wear his armor and lead in his place. Achilles makes Patroclus promise not to die on the battlefield (*Careless Whisper* plays), but he is immediately killed by Hector.

### Book 17-18

After they see Patroclus go down, the Greeks go to protect his body while Hector takes Achilles' armor. A messenger then informs the currently oblivious Achilles of Patroclus' death. Now outraged, Achilles prepares to go out and fight despite his mother's objections while Hephaestus forges a new set of armor for Achilles.

### Book 19-21

Achilles dons his new divine armor. He then fights through all the Trojan forces despite their and the gods best efforts to stop him. During all this, he fills a river with so many corpses that the river gets up to drown him. Achilles then beats the river into submission. Achilles then gets distracted and chases Apollo around Troy.

### Book 22

After remembering his main quest, Achilles goes to fight Hector. He chases him around the city walls a few times before finally killing him as well as mutilating and dragging his corpse with his chariot before returning the corpse to his father King Priam.

### The Rest of the Book

The Greeks hold Patroclus' funeral games.

## Credits

Originally, Achilles' theme from the movie *Troy* played during the credits, but it was removed due to copyright issues.

## Hecate (Trivia)

* This episode is the first to be completely drawn by Red instead of using movie footage.
* This episode is one of a few that also has a clean version; the changes are listed below.

## Clean Changes

1. ↑ Alternatively, "*CLEAN Classics Summarized: The Iliad*"
2. ↑ Red calls the *Iliad* "the darn thing" instead of "the damn thing."
3. ↑ Red explains that Agamemnon was "being unpleasant" instead of "being an asshole."
4. ↑ Red explains Achilles' actions by saying he was "angry" instead of "pissed" at Agamemnon.
5. ↑ Menelaus kicks Paris' "booty" instead of his "ass."
6. ↑ When Aphrodite appears, Helen says "goshdarnit" instead of "goddammit."
7. ↑ Red calls Menelaus "disgruntled" instead of "pissed."
8. ↑ Red calls Diomedes "cool" instead of "badass."
9. ↑ When stabbed, Aphrodite says "Ow, I strenuously object!" instead of "Ow, FUCK!"
10. ↑ No dialogue changes, but the audio quality drops significantly in the original version at 7:28, whereas it doesn't in the clean version.
11. ↑ Odysseus says "I approve wholeheartedly" instead of "Ballin'."
12. ↑ Agamemnon kicks "posterior" instead of "ass."
13. ↑ Zeus gets "severely disgruntled" instead of "pissed" at Hera's seduction.
14. ↑ Achilles says he is going to kick Troy's "\*unintelligible\* posterior" instead of Troy's "ass."
15. ↑ The river gets "nettled" instead of "pissed."
16. ↑ No credits appear in the clean version. Instead, a "Your Welcome" flashes on the screen, and the video ends.

## Links

* Classics Summarized: The Iliad
* CLEAN Classics Summarized: The Iliad