Clementine

### Song Info:

Clementine Was released in 1959 and features on **"An Evening Wasted With Tom Lehrer"** and also both **"The Remains of Tom Lehrer (disc 1)" and "The Remains of Tom Lehrer (disc 1)"**

### Lyrics:

Spoken introduction:

*I should like to consider the folk song, and expound briefly on a*

*theory I have held for some time, to the effect that the reason*

*most folk songs are so atrocious is that they were written by the people.*

*If professional songwriters had written them instead, things might have*

*turned out considerably differently. For example, consider the old favorite*

*with which, I'm sure, you're all familiar, "Clementine", you know:*

SUNG:

In a cavern, in a canyon

Dadada dadadada

(Spoken)

*...a song with no recognizable merit whatsoever – and imagine what might have happened if, for example, Cole Porter had tried writing this song. The first verse might have come out like this:*

```
Cole Albert Porter was an American composer and songwriter. Many of his songs became standards noted for their witty, urbane lyrics, and many of his scores found success on Broadway and in film. Tom Lehrer sing a beguine style, reminiscent of his hit song “Begin the Beguine.”

```

In a cavern

In a canyon

Excava-hay-hay-hehting for

A mine

Far away from the BOOM-BOOM-BOOM

```
An allusion to the onomatopoeic lines of some of Porter’s songs, for example “Night and Day”:

```

```
"Like the beat beat beat of the tom tom When the jungle shadows fall Like the tick-tick-tock of the stately clock As it stands against the wall"

```

Of the city –

She was so pretty

What a pity – Clementine!

Oh, Clementine

Can't you tell from the howls of me

This love of mine

Calls to you from the bowels of me

Are, you, dis-CERning

The reTURning

Of this CHURning

BURning

YEARning for you

```
Instead of the banality of “Oh ma darlin', oh ma darlin', oh ma darlin' Clementine,” Lehrer instead goes for a quasi-romantic chorus with a barrage of grandiose rhyming, much in the style of Porter.

```

And –

(Spoken)

*Well, supposing at this point, that Mozart... or, one of that crowd... had tried writing a verse, the next one might've come out as a baritone-aria from an Italian opera - somewhat along these lines:*

Era legera e come un fairy

E suo shoes numero nine

```
An Italian-ish rendering of the lines

```

```
“She was light and like a fairy, And her shoes were number nine.”

```

Herring bo-ho-ho-hoxes senza to-ho-ho-hopses

Sandalae per Clementina si

Per Clementina si

Per Clementina sandalae

Per Clementina sandalae

Per Clementina!

```
“Herring boxes without topses, Sandals for my Clementine.” Lehrer adds a bit of classical humor by adding a V-I-V-I coda to the verses, and changing the very American “Clementine” to a much more regal Italian-sounding *Clementina.*

```

Clementina, Clementina, Cleh-eh-eh-ehmentina

Herring boxes senza topses sandalae per Clementina

Herring boxes senza topses sandalae per Clementina

Che sciagura Clementina

Che sciagura Clementina

Cara Clementina

Cara Clementina-na-na-na-na-na-na-na!

```
“Che sciagura” = What a pity/calamity! “Cara Clementina” = Beautiful Clementine

```

```
Another classical coda from Lehrer rounds off this session, at a more breakneck pace to match the mood-swinging nature of Mozart’s arias, as well as most classical operas in general.

```

(Spoken)

*Supposing, at this rather dramatic juncture in the narrative, one of our modern "cool school" of composers had tried writing a verse, the next one might've come out... a-like this...*

```
By this, he means the “hard bop” style of jazz, popularized in the 1950s-60s by people like Charles Mingus, Miles Davis, and Thelonious Monk.

```

(Beatnik Style)

(whispered) A-one, A-two, A-three!

Drove those ducklings to the water, yeprach!

Doodilehdoodoot, yah-hah

Every mornin', like nine a.m., awhoopah

Doodileh doo-doo, beedly-da

Got a-hung upon a splinter

Got a-hung upon a splinter, kloo ge mop!

Hoo, hoot!

Fell into the foamy brine –

```
Without the scat and revised “cool-school” terminology, the lyrics to this verse went like this:

```

```
Drove she ducklings to the water, Every morning just at nine. Hit her foot against a splinter, Fell into the foaming brine.

```

Dig that crazy Clementine, man!

(Spoken)

*To end on a happy note, one can always count on Gilbert and Sullivan for a rousing finale – full of words and music, and signifying... nothing!*

(G&S Finale)

That I missed her, depressed, her

Young sister named Esther

This mister to pester she'd try –

Now her pestering sister's a festering blister

You're best to resist her, say I!

The mister resisted

The sister persisted

I kissed her, all loyalty slipped

When she said I could have her

Her sister's cadaver

Must surely have turned in its crypt!

Yes, yes, yes, yes!

But I love she, and she loves me

And raptured are the both of we

Yes, I love she and she loves I

And will through all eterni-ty!

```
The original verse here went:

```

```
How I missed her! How I missed her! How I missed my Clementine! …Till I kissed her little sister, and forgot my Clementine!

```

A rather surprising plot twist, reflected here in the surprising shift in the musical and lyrical style

– See what I mean?