St. Pudchugger's Day

**St. Pudchugger's Day** is the fourth episode of Season 1 of Farzar. It is the fourth episode, overall.

## Synopsis

Renzo tries to get out of an annual lovemaking marathon with Flammy. Fichael woos Val and Billy hopes to prove Zobo is a harbinger of chaos.

## Plot

It's the most romantic time of the year in Farzar, the holiday on February 13th, known as St. Pudchugger's Day, where everybody in Dome City, goes on lovely little dates with their beaus and baes. This is all being narrated by a rhyming man, who speaks about the beauty of St. Pudchugger's Day.

In the Castle of Dome City, Flammy sits with Renzo and shows him her expansive to-do list for St. Puchugger's Day, which is a massive marathon of obscenely kinky sexual stuff, such as shoving cans of crescent rolls up Renzo's ass and popping it with a spoon, having ill-tempered racoons eating hot garbage out of his buttcrack, and squashing his nuts in a waffle iron. There's even something involving a giant zucchini. Fichael sits at the table and hears all of this and disgusted, he throws away his food.

Renzo obviously doesn't wanna fuck his gross wife all day, so he goes down to the dungeon to find his sex clone and tells him that it's once again Pudchugger's Day and as usual, he needs to go and have sex with Flammy all day. He lies to his clone and says that this is to save the world and his clone just believes that. Unfortunately for the original Renzo, this clone gets crushed to death under a crystal chandelier, meaning that he needs to do something else to avoid sex with Flammy.

Fichael gazes longingly at a heart-framed picture of Val and tells Scootie that he wants to ask her out for St. Pudchugger's Day but he's afraid of making a fool of himself. Scootie tells him that if he really wants to avoid making himself look stupid, the first thing he needs to do is stop deep-throating hot dogs. Fichael justifies that he just does this because he stess-eats. As Fichael puts some mustard on his hot dog, Zobo tells Billy that there's about to be some real chaos. When Fichael eats his hot dog, he finds out that he's not eating mustard, he's eating Mushed Turd. They sell that shit at *Trader Joe's* because white people will buy anything. Fichael runs around in circles, completely grossed out and then bowls over into the bathroom to vomit into the toilet. All the while, Zobo feeds off of the poor dumbass' pain and suffering. After coming back out of the bathroom, Fichael assumes Billy is the one who pulled this prank on him. Billy explains that it was actually Zobo but Fichael doesn't believe that his adorable little baby animal really did this. Fichael punished Billy for something he didn't do by giving him the rubber band of shame. Fichael tries to get the toilet off his head before Val comes in but just then, Val comes in. In a panic, Fichael asks out Val for Pudchugger's Day and gives her a shit-drenched card. Val accepts the invitation and officially becomes his girlfriend. Mal is shocked that Val's standards are really so low, that she'd actually go out with a dweeb like Fichael. Nevertheless, Val goes out with him anyway.

On Fichael's first date with Val, he acts like a complete and total dickass. He starts off by completely ignoring Val to draw a retarded picture of a clown on the children's menu. Fichael shows her the stupid picture and laughs about how funny it is that his nose is blue instead of red. Val sits there in a little bit of discomfort and politely smiles through her awkwardness. Fichael sits there with his face hanging out, not really knowing that to do next. Scootie is seen in the seat behind Val and pulls up a cue card for Fichael, instructing him to ask Val about herself. Fichael asks Val and Mal about their toilet paper situation, wanting to know which of them wipes their ass and which of them sniffs the toilet paper. This just leads to them both looking at him in complete reproach and perplexion. Scootie instructs Fichael with more cue cards to stop talking about sniffing toilet paper and instead tell them about himself. Fichael tells Val and Mal that sometimes he cuts the eyes out of women in magazines. Reasonably disturbed and a little scared by this, Val tries her damnedest to be polite and tells Fichael in faux amazement that he's a very "artistic" fellow. Suddenly, Fichael climbs up on the table and rapes her by forcibly kissing her on the lips. Val is of course, very off put by this but she just settles in and takes it, going on for the kiss. Scootie gets back down in his seat and Billy is shown sitting across from him. Scootie tells Billy that Fichael is doing all the wrong things but it's working and then asks Billy how his date is going. Billy says that the date he's moderating is going better than usual. Billy is then shown, showing cue cards to Barry Barris on a date with a mop on the other table, instructing him to stop putting a gun in his mouth.

Billy goes down to The Netherlands to see Bazarack, asking for help from him to prove to Fichael that Zobo is actually a chaos-celot. Logically, Billy went to him because Bazarack is the only guy who knows Zobo's secret. Illogically, Bazarack agrees to help him, even though he wants Zobo to destroy Dome City but this is only because Billy buttered Bazarack up with compliments about him being important and having a pointy crotch. Bazarack soon becomes best friends with Zobo and agrees to help him by taking him to find Zobo's ship, which had crash-landed somewhere in the open deserts Nether Regions but first, Bazarack takes Billy to his room, so they can play with his Farzar Playset. Bazarack plays as Renzo and Billy plays as Bazarack. Billy does a perfect impression of Bazarack but Bazarack thinks it's terrible.

Renzo goes to see Barry, to ask him for help making another clone of himself for fucking his wife. First, however, Barry shows Renzo his Say Yesatron, which is a laser gun that turns every "No" into a "Yes". Barry plans on using this to be more successful when asking women out on dates. Renzo ignores this and demands that Barry make his clone today before 8:00pm Barry refuses, since it took him all of 6 months to make his last clone. Renzo asks him again, using the Say Yesatron, which is just him busting Barry's head open with it, knocking him out cold.

Renzo goes over to the Cloning Machine to make a clone of himself but he does a very bad job with the clones, just making a bunch of twisted behemoths, including a clone of Agent Clappers from *Paradise PD*, making a reference to how both characters are voiced by Lance Reddick. Finally, Renzo makes a fully-functioning clone of himself, only for it to get crushed under a chandelier. Barry gets crushed under one too.

After his first date with Val, Fichael immediately gets a tattoo on his back and tells Scootie the good news. Scootie tells Fichael that he's being a little creepy and stalkerish, by rushing his relationship with Val like this but then Fichael immediately goes to call Val. At the time, Val is at home, listening to music and can't hear her phone ringing. Mal gets a villainous idea to pick up the phone and lie to Fichael, saying that Val hated her date and wants to break up with him, reasoning that it's because she's not attracted to one-headed men. Fichael's heart is broken and he runs into Barry's lab, crying and blowing his nose into his cloak. Fichael explains the situation and asks Barry if he can make him another head. Barry sarcastically says that he has a bunch of extra heads just lying around, only for it to turn out that he actually does have a bunch of frozen severed heads in a freezer for the taking. It's just that Barry has a medical condition that makes it sound like he's being sarcastic, when he's actually being sincere. Barry explains that Renzo executes a lot of people and as a job perk, Barry gets to keep the heads. Fichael requests a head that's less attractive and intelligent than he is, so he doesn't have to compete with it for competition, which severely limits Barry's options.

Fichael comes on down to Val's apartment for a surprise visit, giving her a second date. This time, with a hideously disfigured and mentally retarded second head, who always screams out "CUCUMBER!!!" all the time for no reason.

Bazarack and Billy go out into the desert in search for Zobo's Ship. When they find it, they go inside and do some research on the computer, finding out that Zobo comes from the planet Zarno S-9000. Bazarack pulls up a video of Zobo destroying his entire planet on a Chaostrophe, causing the absolute genocide of all his people. This is not shown on screen, however. All we see are Billy and Bazarack's terrified reactions to it. Bazarack breaks the fourth wall to compare this writing choice to "putting it in your mouth and not sucking".

## Characters

### Major Roles

* Renzo
* Flammy
* Fichael
* Val Skullcruncher
* Mal Skullcruncher
* Severed Heads
* Billy
* Zobo
* Bazarack

### Minor Roles

* Scootie
* Barry Barris
* Clitaris
* Renzo's Sex Clone
* Val's Friend
* Rocket Rockowski
* Spon-Zaneous
* Sal Skullcruncher (Cameo)
* Agent Clappers (Cameo)
* Giant Zucchini (Cameo)
* Mr. Rockowski (Non-Speaking Cameo)

## Trivia

* This is the first Valentine's Day special of *Farzar*, with "St. Pudchugger's Day" being a romance-themed holiday, taking place on February 13th, before ultimately being moved ahead to February 14th, the day of the real Valentine's Day.
* Renzo and Flammy's St. Pudchugger's Day Itinerary:
	+ 8:00 - Cuddling
	+ 8:15 - Gentle Kisses
	+ 8:30 - Stick a Can of Crescent Rolls in Renzo's Ass and Pop it With a Spoon
	+ 9:00 - Ill-Tempered Raccoons Eat Hot Garbage Out of Renzo's Buttcrack
	+ 9:55 - Squash Renzo's Nuts in a Waffle Iron
	+ Unknown Time - "Giant Zucchini"
	+ 10:30 - Bathroom Break
* Fichael starts dating Val Skullcruncher.
* Barry Barris is the only character who can hear the narrator, making him a schizo.
* Sometimes, Fichael likes to cut the eyes out of pictures of women in magazines.
* Barry goes on a date with a mop.
* Billy can do a perfect voice impression of Bazarack.
* Barry has a medical condition, which causes him to sound sarcastic, when he's actually being serious.
* Fichael is afraid of Draculas.
* Mal has a history of turning all of Val's boyfriends into balls of giant heads.
* Bazarack is in an improv group called Spon-Zaneous.
* Fichael discovers that Zobo can talk.

### Continuity

* Bazarack calls Billy a "Noah's Arc-Looking Asshole" and realizes that he rehashed an insult from "Save the Reaper Demons.

### Cultural References

* St. Pudchugger's Day is a parody on *Valentine's Day*.
* Renzo plays *Turkey in the Straw* on the piccolo to tame a three-headed dragon.
	+ In the *Paradise PD* episode, "*Black & Blue*", *Gerald Fitzgerald* would play the same song on the piccolo to keep himself calm.
* Renzo creates Agent Clappers from *Paradise PD* as one of his failed clones. Although he claims that it sounds nothing like him, making a joke on how they both have the same voice actor, Lance Reddick.
* Mal getting a wonderful awful idea and grinning menacingly is a reference to *How the Grinch Stole Christmas*.
* Mal plans on smashing Fichael's head with a mallet and calls it "Prop Comedy", which is a reference to prop comic, *Gallagher*, who smashed watermelons with a giant mallet.

### Errors

* The episode begins on February 13th and several days pass before February 14th at the end of the episode.

## See Also

**Season 1**

Welcome to Farzar • Robot Revolution • Save the Reaper Demons • **St. Pudchugger's Day** • The Adventures of Daddy O'Baggins • Flammily Reunion • Baz, Bangs, and Brains • The Great and Powerful Ozner • Memory Wars • War and Peace