Episode 95: Mallory's Christmas Wish

The episode for "Mallory's Christmas Wish" was originally released on January 15, 2018 and is BSC #92. **You can listen to it here.** This episode is 1:03:13 long.This week's ghostwriter: Peter Lerangis.

*Previous:* Episode 94: Claudia and the First Thanksgiving | *Next:* Episode 96: Mary Anne and the Memory Garden | *Or,* see all episodes.

## Official Episode Description

Hello and welcome to “Kissing Advice” with Jack and Tanner! In this very special and extremely timely Christmas-themed episode, the boys will take you through their top tips for tying tongues, whether you’re a seasoned kisser, a first-timer, or just someone who has a lot of mistletoe hanging in your house and needs to brush up on their smooching game. But mistletoe-induced snogging isn’t the only thing these Christmas boys have on their minds, because Mallory Pike’s devastatingly handsome father has found himself on Santa’s naughty list, Baby-Sitters Club Art Director Hodges Soileau has a profoundly troubling Christmas message for us, and Princeton’s own Ann M. Martin has given us all a gift we’ll never forget – a Christmas book, fully three weeks after December 25. Thanks, Ann!

## Music Credits

* “Christmas,” by Andrew\_G
* “Empty Promise,” by UEMonthly
* “Carol of the Bells (dubstep remix),” by Arion
* Original Intro by Scott Lamb (Christmas version)
* Superbrat Outro by Superbrat

## Segments

###  Burn Of The Week

Tanner: Page 1 burn. "What's so funny?" / "Your face!"

Jack: Uncle Joe figured out that playing loud music drives his roommate Connor away.

Jack notes that he missed a burn of the week in Episode 56: Mallory and the Dream Horse, which is true. There is a discussion about other times he missed burns.

###  IP Freely

"A hilarious new comedy in which our parents leave us *Home Alone*."

###  Lerangis Moment

This week's song is to the tune of the Inspector Gadget theme, by Baby Bee Caty.

Tanner: "Silly, we're not canimals."

Jack: "Sprained ear" as a rhyme for "reindeer".

###  Meme of the Week

"Some meme everyone hasn't thought about in eight years."

"Friday" by Rebecca Black.

###  Soileau You Into the Dark

Baby Bee Carys sings the theme song. They reference the Happy Reading section: *"P.S. Hodges Soileau, the artist for all the covers of the Baby-sitters Club books, finally posed for one of his own paintings. Look on the front — he’s the man in the green jacket."*

We are Hodges. He is the Everyman.

###  Tanner Googles

Tanner Googles and Mercer, CT is not a real place.

Later, Tanner Googles to determine whether Frasier and this book were contemporaneous.

## Jack's References

* "We're like Reply All but for idiots."

"That's mean to me and Jackson Pollock."
* Nestor
* Jezebel the wife of Ahab and Daphne from Ovid's Metamorphises
* Bernini's "Apollo and Daphne" in the Galleria Borghese in Rome
* Jack takes the Home Alone reference in IP Freely and runs with an extended Odyssey reference.
* Transferred epithets (hypallage) and misplaced antecedents.
* Tom Stoppard would be a great ghostwriter.
* Matt Pinfield's 120 Minutes - "that's a deep cut, Baby Nation, most people have died who understand that joke."
* In the stinger, Jack talks about reading a Sweet Valley High essay in "Bad Feminist" by Roxanne Gay

## Tanner's References

* Tanner Sings "All I Want for Christmas" by Mariah Carey
* "We always record on Wednesday, Baby Nation."
* "That's my Alex Jones impersonation."
* Banksy, Jackson Pollock
* Team Rocket from Pokemon
* Jezebel the blog and Daphne from Frasier

## Notes

* The one where Jack is supposed to have a boy fetch him a Christmas goose.
* Dating advice: practice your kissing two strawberries.
* This book was not GCBSF since babysitting was not the A-plot.
* Triangulating: Stoneybrook is in southern Connecticut, and the closest town is Mercer. Tanner Googles and it is not a real place. We also know that Stoneybrook is approximately 45 minutes from Stamford. Jack suggests getting out a map and some red string to find the portal from the real world.
* We learn that Jessi celebrates Kwanzaa. Tanner expresses his desire for a book about this holiday instead of a boring Christmas book.
* John Pike is sinister in this scenario, as if he has something to hide. The boys reference the picture of John Pike from Episode 71: Get Well Soon, Mallory!.

## References & Links

#### Literature

1. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nestor\_(mythology)
2. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apollo\_and\_Daphne\_(Bernini)
3. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypallage
4. ↑ "Bad Feminist" by Roxanne Gay: https://www.amazon.com/Bad-Feminist-Essays-Roxane-Gay/dp/0062282719
#### Culture

1. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Home\_Alone
2. ↑ Frasier: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frasier
3. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reply\_All\_(podcast)
4. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jackson\_Pollock
5. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/120\_Minutes
6. ↑ https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Team\_Rocket
#### Music

1. ↑ "Friday" by Rebecca Black: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfVsfOSbJY0
2. ↑  "All I Want for Christmas" by Mariah Carey: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All\_I\_Want\_for\_Christmas\_Is\_You

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