Christopher Columbus (ERB)

* rapper
* real person

**Christopher Columbus** battled Captain Kirk in Christopher Columbus vs Captain Kirk. He was portrayed by Nice Peter.

## Information on the rapper

Christopher Columbus was born circa October 31st, 1451, in the Republic of Genoa, Italy. His first voyage into the Atlantic Ocean in 1476 nearly cost him his life. Columbus also participated in several other expeditions to Africa. In 1492, he left Spain in the *Pinta*, the *Niña*, and the *Santa María*. He has been credited for opening up the Americas to European colonization.

Columbus befriended and later enslaved the native tribes on three islands, though not without also killing large numbers of them through imported diseases, war, and famine. He would make three return trips to his claims before his arrest in 1500 amid allegations of misconduct as governor of the new lands. He was cleared of these charges, but died at the age of 54 on May 20th, 1506, to various illnesses. Columbus' exploits cleared a path for future European exploration and colonization of western lands, then known as the "New World".

The former name of the Americas (Columbia) and the country of Colombia are named in Columbus' honor, as well as the U.S. holiday, Columbus Day, which is celebrated on October 12th, and the U.S. capital Washington, D.C., formally known as the District of Columbia. However, as the debate over Columbus's legacy continues, many attempts are being made to remove memorials that were made in his honor, and October 12th has received increasing recognition as "Indigenous People's Day" in order to commemorate the indigenous people who were ravaged by Columbus.

## Lyrics

### **Verse 1:**

Arrivederci, I'mma leave before this battle begins…

…'Cause we both know in the end which of these captains gonna win!

I'll show you how a real explorer handles a situation!

I'll beat you so bad, they'll feel it in the next generation,

So bring it on! I'll whip you like a Klingon!

My rhymes will burrow in your ears like *The Wrath of Khan*!

I've got a neck chop for Spock! I'll put my sword through Sulu!

Check into a Priceline hotel and watch your fat ass on Hulu!

### **Verse 2:**

You know, rapping against you, it's not even fun.

It's like somebody's set your brains on stun!

I am the fabric of history! You are a fictional stain!

I'll stick a flag up your ass and claim you for Spain!

## Scrapped lyrics

Keep my crew's name out your mouth or you'll get hurt

I'll Leif Ericson your ass and predate your best work

Yeoman Rand and Marlena gave you too many favors

Bones diagnosed, you got sores on your phaser

## Trivia

* Columbus' title card is misspelled as "Colombus".
	+ This makes him the second rapper with a spelling error in their official title card, after Adolf Hitler.
* He is the first character to have absolutely no background at one point, as there was only a black space where his background was meant to be; this was due to an error during the "Who won? Who's next? You decide!" sequence at the end.
* He was originally going to battle Neil Armstrong, but he was later switched with Captain Kirk because Nice Peter thought Armstrong was kind of "unflappable".
* He is the first, and so far only rapper to rap in three different languages, albeit one fictional, rapping in English, Italian and Klingon.