Thisdumbteacherepisodedoesnotexist.com/Transcript

The following is the transcript for the Dumb Teacher: Re-Dumbened Season 1 episode, *thisdumbteacherepisodedoesnotexist.com.*

## Thispersondoesnotexist.com

*(The episode opens without the usual Dumb Teacher: Re-Dumbened intro. The scene starts at the road by the Capitol in Washington, D.C.. Synth music is heard playing in the background. A blob on the ground travels up to the staircase in front of the nine pillars, where they all look at the blob. The blob then travels to the middle pillar, the other pillars look at the blob, which is now in the middle of the pillar, and after a second, the blob bursts, causing the other pillars but the middle to run away into the city, causing several car crashes as they run away on the road. The camera then cuts to the deforming blob, which begins to show a distorted face of Dan as it deforms for five seconds until Dan's face becomes more recognizable as the pillar transitions to a white background. Logan appears behind Dan as the white background forms. Afterwards, a roll of white photographic film slowly obscures the two as Dan holds up a small flag of El Kadsre and as Logan gives a thumbs up After obscuring the two into a still photo of them in their same postures with Dan still holding his flag and El Kadsre City in the background. the camera zooms out, showing the photo to be on a bulletin board with a hand holding the bottom of it. After the camera zooms out, another hand holding a drawing pin puts the pin on the photo, then puts his hands away from it. The camera then cuts to a white background, where it is revealed that James is the one that put up the photo. He is seen eating a chocolate bar. After one bite, the background turns into a red Coca-Cola-like hue and the camera zooms out to reveal the background to be pouring out of a bottle of soda into a cup, the image of James fades out. A hand then grabs the cup out of the screen. The scene then cuts to another white background, where Tom is seen drinking the cup. After he takes a sip, the scene distorts for a brief moment. Afterwards, Tom morphs into Choki, who is seen holding some plugless earbuds. He then puts them on as his head explodes into balls afterwards. The background then fades back to the front of the Capitol, which is now seen pillar-less. In front of the stairs, Choki is seen beating McNeese with an English bat. After the two are out of the scene, the front roof of the House cartoonishly collapses. Afterwards, the scene door-transitions to the front of Dan's house, where the words in the DT:RD logo are seen flying into the center. After 2 seconds, the logo transitions down and out of the screen. The scene then cuts to the living room of Dan's house, where Dan is seen channel surfing on his TV while drinking a glass of orange juice. He stops at GHTV News)*

* **GHTV News Reporter**: In other news, ticket sales at the local cinema in Greenhill have skyrocketed since they reopened with some great films out this months! Well, not *all* of them are great, I mean. But, moving on, for all you millennials and young kids watching right now, you all know the internet. Created in the late 1980s, made for fun, and also made for other dangerous stuff as well. AIs are known in the world to be our pavement to the future, but also to our presumable demise. Recently, online users have been talking about strange AI-controlled websites that randomly generate a realistic photo of *anything*! *(A photomontage is shown showcasing the photos of AI-generated objects)* They can generate realistic cars, places for rent, maps of cities from a Google Earth view, My Little Pony ponies, 3D chairs, snacks, vessels, song lyrics, fucked up Homer Simpsons, maps like on Google Maps, ideas, night skies, but more importantly, realistic people. Sure, a website generating realistic people may seem fun, but it's actually *not*. When I was checking out the website, I *saw* my face on that site with a distorted hand next to me! Yes! A *distorted* hand! For all you young viewers new to the site, whatever you do, don't check out thispersondoesnotexist.com! I repeat, do *not* check thispersondoesnotexist.com, ever! If you do, I assure you that you must use it at your own risk. Do *not* find your face on that website.

*(Dan turns off the TV. The camera then cuts back to Dan sitting on the couch)*

* **Dan**: A website that creates and/or steals random faces? You've got to be kidding. At least Fox News doesn't talk about this, considering that Disney owns them now.

*(Suddenly, a whoosh noise is heard coming from the right, prompting Dan to turn around. He notices a Mickey Mouse-like silhouette staring at him through his window. An ominous chord similar to the Disney theme plays. Dad squeals in shock for a split second)*

* **Dan**: *(fast-talking)* I-I was never here, I said nothing! D-Disney rules!

*(Dan finishes his glass quickly, rushes to the kitchen, puts it in the sink off-screen, and rushes upstairs to his room. The silhouette then ominously slides down from the window's view as the same chord from before plays. The camera then cuts to Dan's room, where he is seen sitting at his desk using his laptop with his windows boarded up. A poster of Michael Vlokozu is seen right next to his bed, with a poster for Morons with Guns next to it. He is seen putting on a pair of blue headphones with a small microphone on the left. He then opens a mini-fridge by his desk and grabs a can of soda, opens it up and then takes a sip of it. He opens up Red Star on his computer and then turns on his webcam)*

* **Dan**: *(cracks knuckles)* Okay, here we go!

*(The scene cuts to an intro sequence, which features Dan's username, King Dan. "Feel Right Now" by Parx featuring Nonô plays throughout the intro, which features effects syncing to the beat of the song. After 10 seconds, the intro transitions to Dan's monitor, which is being recorded and features Dan's webcam on the top left of the screen)*

* **Dan**: What's up, everybody, his majesty, King Dan is in the house, and today, we are gonna be taking a look at thispersondoesnotexist.com! Now. I've been seeing news reports in my hometown telling viewers to stay away from this website, but, to be honest, I've never tried it before, and it sounds kinda interesting. An artificial intelligence creating randomly generated faces, and they're all realistic? *That*, I gotta see! But, without further ado, let's get started! *(types in the website's name, which takes him to the website, which shows an AI-generated brunette female face)* Okay, *(imitating Bruno Campos' singing voice)* a brunette when I first get on the site. *(normal voice)* She looks good, she looks good. Not bad for my first time on this site. Now, I did hear that whenever you reload the page, a new face is created. Let's try it out and see what we get. *(Dan reloads the page, and a new face appears, which shows a guy wearing sunglasses grinning)* Alright, alright, this guy looks cool! He looks like a younger version of William Benter if he played with Rinava. *(Dan reloads the page again, showing an elder woman who resembles Elizabeth II, Queen of England)* Ooh! *(in English accent)* Her majesty, Queen Elizabeth II's lookalike. *(normal voice)* Ha-ha-ha, *(reloads page, which goes to a face resembling Ryu Judoku's; Dan gasps before singing to the tone of "Dynamo" by Rinava)* You're my lookalike, yeah! Very cool and good bad! *(normal voice)* Honestly, I don't know why the news said that you could find your face on these kind of websites. This is actually pretty cool! I got a brunette, a psuedo-Benter, Elizabeth II's semi-clone, and Ryu's lookalike! I could have fun with this for *hours!*

*(The scene cuts to a shot of a digital clock on Dan's desk, which reads "10:45 AM". Dan's mouse clicking can be heard, After 3 seconds, the scene fades to the same clock, only it now reads "11:15 AM". The scene cuts back to Dan's monitor, where he is still on the website reloading the page)*

* **Dan**: Honestly, it has been like, 30 minutes, and I have been having a *lot* of fun with this website! I mean, *(Dan raises his hand flat in explanation)* I don't see what's so creepy about this site, it's just a revolutionary A.I. capable of making realistic faces. I-I mean, I'll admit some of the backgrounds aren't real and just look like Photoshop bombs, but, still, this is so- *(Dan notices something on his monitor)* Huh? Did I just see my camera snap light turn on for a brief moment? *(Dan shrugs it off)* Oh, well. I'm sure it's just a technological error, or I accidentally did photo capture while recording, *(Dan puts his hand down)* I don't know. But, anyways, let's see what our little face machine has in stock for us next.

*(Dan reloads the page again, and it shows his face with his headphones omitted and a distorted hand right by him. The camera quickly zooms in a little on the face as a dramatic chord plays. The scene cuts to Dan's webcam view)*

* **Dan**: Wh-what the fuck? I-I-Is that my face?! Is that my- How is that even *fucking* possible? How- *(Dan is interrupted by a knock on his door; he smiles nervously)* -can this GIF of Hatsumi petting Eiji get more adorable? *(to door)* It's okay, I'm just browsing through cute kadsreanime GIFs.
* **Johnny**: *(through door)* Oh, okay... *(walks away from the door and closes it)*
* **Dan**: W-W-WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! HOW IS THAT EVEN FUCKING POSSIBLE?!

*(The scene cuts back to the AI-generated photo of Dan, as Dan's mouse cursor right clicks it and selects "print". The scene cuts to a shot of Dan's printer, where the photo of him is seen being printed out. After it finishes printing out, Dan takes the photo out of the printer, stops the recording, and watches the playback of him explaining how fun the site is before finding his face on there)*

* **Dan**: *(on recording)* I mean, *(Dan raises his hand flat in explanation)* I don't see what's so creepy about this site, it's just a revolutionary A.I. capable of making realistic faces.

*(Dan pauses the video, notices his face and hand posture in his webcam, and compares it to his photo. A dramatic chord plays as Dan gasps in shock)*

* **Dan**: Oh, my god!

*(The scene cuts to a dojo, where Choki can be seen defending himself against attackers with his karate skills. "Out of Touch" by Hall & Oates plays in the background. After 10 seconds, Choki hears his phone ringing, which is set to the tune of, "Caramelldansen" by Caramell. Suddenly, the area around him pauses along with the music. The scene then cuts to a shot of Choki wearing a VR headset, where it is revealed that his entire experience was on a VR game. A Japanese poster of Napping Princess can be seen behind him. Choki takes his helmet off, gets his phone out of his invisible pcoket, and answers it)*

* **Choki**: Hello?
* **Dan**: Hey, Choke. Have you been watching the news recently?
* **Choki**: Yeah, vaccines are being distributed more widely n-
* **Dan**: *(interrupting Choki)* No, man, not that! The *internet* news!
* **Choki**: No, not exactly.
* **Dan**: Well, guess what? Have you heard of this site called thispersondoesnotexist.com?
* **Choki**: No. What is it?
* **Dan**: Well, it's this website that shows a closeup photo of a realistic person, and they don't exist! It's just an A.I.-created photo, and I just saw my face on that website. *My. Face!*
* **Choki**: Seriously, you interrupted my virtual kung fu session for this?
* **Dan**: Choke, I'm serious, man! A-and here's another thing, the artificial intelligence creating the photos isn't that great at making limbs, and I saw a photo of myself, with a distorted hand right by me!
* **Choki**: Dan, if this is an idea for another one of your Team Aqua fanfics, keep it to yourself.
* **Dan**: For Vlokozu's sake, Choki, I'm *not* lying! This isn't another fanfic plot or a joke, I'm dead serious about the A.I.-generated face thing.
* **Choki**: Okay, time to go.
* **Dan**: Wait, wha-

*(Choki hangs up the phone, puts it back in his pocket, then puts his VR helmet back on. Out of Touch can be heard playing on the headset as Choki performs more kung fu moves. After 6 seconds, the scene cuts back to Dan's bedroom)*

* **Dan**: Well, Choke was a dick on that one. *(dials his phone)* But let's see if Loge's gonna believe me.

*(The scene cuts to a shot of Logan in his bedroom typing on his computer. A TARDIS poster can be seen on the wall behind him)*

* **Logan**: *(reading what he's typing)* When the TARDIS landed in what appeared to be a cartoony and colorful landscape, the Fourth Doctor and his companions, Romana and K9, left the TARDIS, and right in front of them, they saw what appeared to be an amusement park. It's entrance was designed almost like a cartoon moose, almost like Bullwinkle from Rocky & Bullwinkle, only it was blue. Hiding behind one of the trees, which was strangely purple, the Doctor and his companions noticed three of the mysterious and cartoony world's inhabitants entering the park. They were cute, cartoony anthropomorphic animals with pink, heart-shaped noses on their face. It was also shown that there were a few inhabitants that didn't have a heart-shaped nose, including an anteater wearing glasses that was using a metal detector whilst visiting the park, presumably to look for treasure.

*(Logan's phone, whose ringtone is set to the Doctor Who theme, rings for 3 seconds before Logan answers it and puts it on speaker)*

* **Logan**: Hello, this is the president of the online Greenhill Doctor Who fanclub speaking, who is this?
* **Dan**: Hey. man, it's me. Can I talk to your for a sec.
* **Logan**: Well, I'm kinda in the middle of writing a Doctor Who-HTF fanfic, but I've got time to talk. What's up?
* **Dan**: Have you heard of this website called thispersondoesnotexist.com?
* **Logan**: *(sighs in disbelief; to himself quietly)* This must've been what Choki was telling me about. *(to Dan)* Sorry, Dan, but Choki told me and the rest of the gang about that site you're talking about, and it doesn't exist. Thispersondoesnotexist.com, *doesn't* exist! There's no such thing as an A.I. making realistic faces with distortions, and that's that. Sorry, man.
* **Dan**: You too? *(Dan grumbles in frustration for 3 seconds before hanging up the phone)*
* **Logan**: Jeez, what has gotten into Dan recently?

TBA