294: Come In Yoisful

## Summary

With seemingly little regard for his own safety, Rosco suggests he lure the dragon away from the Anglerfish with Will's help, so that Raphina and Batthwack can heal it. The group get in position, and Rosco, knowing this might be his last, shares a "touching" moment with Will.

## Synopsis

The party realise that they desperately need a plan. Should they split up and flank the dragon, or try and reason with it? Batthwack suggests Will is the best with words. *"I would probably be the best person to talk to the dragon, if we want to make it really angry and then fight it,"* says Will. He reminds them of the dragon that Batthwack spoke to in Barovia, and how articulate and clever, but also disdainful, it was. Dragons are powerful creatures and this one complete destroyed the umlaut village. Rosco asks why they're even thinking about attacking the dragon, and Will reminds them of what Thalia had told them: that dark forces were keeping the Anglerfish trapped in the lake, and that the same power was responsible for the orange dragon. He reasons that they have no reason to doubt Thalia because everything else she said, about the keys and the dam door, turned out to be true.

Raphina suggests Will try to speak to the Anglerfish with a *Message*, but they're too far away for that, and anyway, would he be able to understand an anglerfish? Rosco reasons that if the Anglerfish is indeed a god, then perhaps it would aid them against the dragon. If they could lure the dragon away, then perhaps the healers in the party could get close enough to bring it round. *"I... kind of love that idea,"* says Will and Raphina does a double-take. *"I could be the bait,"* says Rosco sternly. *"I'm good at drawing bad things away from good places,"* he continues, explaining how he first got involved in the circus when a lightening bolt that should have struck the tent, struck him instead. The ringmaster apparently recognised this useful "talent" and recruited him.

For the briefest of moments, Will thinks about trying to push someone else to go with Rosco, but he knows it has to be him. *"Alright, alright! It'll be me and Rosco against the dragon, and you guys, the good people, go heal the fucking Anglerfish. I can't heal anybody. I know how this is going. Come on, Bad Luck Asshole. Let's get out of here. Let's do it."* Batthwack stops Will. Remembering his contractual obligations, he's nervous about letting Will go off alone. *"I appreciate your concern, but I am a grown person,"* says Will. Anyway, if this all goes south, he can probably make his escape while Rosco's being eaten.

It's time to nail down the details of this plan. The group identify a small shipwreck off to the right of the flat area that's between them and the butte that the Anglerfish trapped on. Will and Rosco will head right and use the shipwreck as cover while Raphina and Batthwack make their way left as stealthily as possible, hiding in the seaweed copses along the way until they're as close as possible without disturbing the dragon. When the healers are in position, Will and Rosco will get the attention of the dragon and try to draw it away from the butte. *"You save the fish. We save ourselves. We kill the dragon collectively. And then I get the fuck out of Beartoggle finally,"* says Rosco.

As Will surveys the scene before them, a disturbing thought occurs to him. The huge watery orb that the Anglerfish is trapped in, bears more than a passing resemblance to the crystal orbs that he and Batthwack had. His was pulverised, but they never recovered Batthwack's after he threw it in the river. He forces himself to stop thinking about that and instead wonders out loud how he and Rosco are supposed to escape from this enraged dragon when they've successfully drawn its attention. Will can't fly underwater, so Raphina offers her bicycle. Will's not convinced by the usefulness of that and begins thinking about spells he could use to disguise the two of them as sea creatures. Rosco, on the other hand, gladly accepts the offer of the tiny halfling-sized bicycle.

   Batthwack and Raphina swim away to the left, snaking quietly along the lake bed, while Rosco and Will head in the other direction. Rosco tells Will to hide in the shipwreck so that when the dragon chases him and he makes his getaway on the little bike, Will can cast something to kill the dragon. *"Absolutely, Rosco,"* says Will sarcastically, having no idea what kind of spell can do that. Rosco doesn't seem to get the sarcasm, and Will actually feels bad. Raphina's influence must be rubbing off on him. Rosco says he knows that Will can't kill a dragon with one shot, but as he puts it, *"You can loosen the pickle jar."* They wish each other luck, and Rosco holds his arms out for a hug. When this isn't reciprocated, he's forced to save face by transitioning his arms up into a victory stance. Will awkwardly copies this, and Rosco misreads it, hugging Will, who, with his arms up in the air, is utterly defenceless against it. During the embrace, Rosco whispers something in Will's ear, but Will is so bewildered by the sudden close bodily contact, he's not able to consciously process what is said.

Meanwhile, Raphina and Batthwack are nearly in position!

## Quotes

* Will: *"I would probably be the best person to talk to the dragon, if we want to make it really angry and then fight it."*
* Will: *"Alright, alright! It'll be me and Rosco against the dragon, and you guys, the good people, go heal the fucking Anglerfish. I can't heal anybody. I know how this is going. Come on, Bad Luck Asshole. Let's get out of here. Let's do it."*

## Trivia

* The episode title is a quote from Adam/Rosco of coise! Raphina offers her bicycle to Will to use as a distraction for the dragon. He's less than keen obviously, so Rosco offers to ride it. Abby: *"It's got a wicker basket with three plastic flowers on it and a little bell in the shape of a fish."* Eric: *"And it's sized for a halfling, so for you it's pretty small."* Adam: *"Okay, good. That's exactly what I wanted."* Abby: *"Yeah and I put the seat down a little bit for you."* Eric: *"Raphina always puts the seat down."* Rosco: *"Thank you. I will take this and maybe it will come in yoisful."*
* The "secret goodbye" scene from *Lost in Translation* (2003): https://youtu.be/lpOdAHwRnXY
* Spock's mysterious mind meld message to Bones in *Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan* (1982): https://youtu.be/fHAOWLhrxhQ
* This week's episode description describes the Pork Fried Dice wiki as: succulent.

## Recap Song

*Main article: The Music of Pork Fried Dice*
This episode featured Adam doing a recap to the tune of *Shoplifters of the World Unite* by The Smiths (Adam's lyrics for the chorus were inspired by Alex's comment from episode 292: Is Condom a Condiment?):

*[Verse 1]*

At the base of the dam's spillway

Now, today, tomorrow, and always

Our only weakness is wasting time

Our only weakness is-well, doing bits, doing bits, oh

*[Chorus]*

Spillways of the world

You are hard to picture

Spillways of the world

Batthwack's diving, so's Raphina, but Will's reluctant

*[Verse 2]*

Rosco jumps in, slathered in mustard

Now, today, tomorrow, and always

His only weakness is wasting breath

But down here the rules to unlock a door were all we saw, a Door For Four

*[Chorus]*

An image come true from the book

Gives Batthwack a tremor

Four key holes in the door

They say oddball, crank and shield and disarray

*[Verse 3]*

"Be the key," the door's riddle says

Doors in D&D have riddles always

Our only answer's doing impressions

Until we got the door to lower, lower, oh

*[Instrumental Break]*

So we walked through the door and we saw some carps, some bass, some copses of seaweed. We saw this blue light in the distance and then something crazy happened...

*[Bridge]*

A watery orb on the butte

Source of the blue light

It's a massive anglerfish (flopping on its side)

And at the bottom of the butte we saw a dragon

Wrapped around, upside down

We were scared before we even went down

*[Chorus]*

Spillways of the world

You lead to climaxes

Big moments in the campaign

We've been building up to

I hope we don't die

Rosco really might

But yeah, there's a dragon over there

Take cover

## Gallery

*Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice*

## References

1. ↑ See episode 92: I Am The Least Fortunate Person Who Ever Lived
2. ↑ See episode 238: Use Grapefruit Spoon!
3. ↑ Thalia had also said that the Anglerfish told her the dark power's name was Savnok the Inscrutible, though she didn't know what that had meant. See episode 257: Majestically Boring
4. ↑ See episode 261: I Popped SO MANY Water Balloons!
5. ↑ See episode 260: Batthwack Yells And Then Smashes... \*gasp\*
6. ↑ If you want to find out what Rosco said, skip over to episode 304: We Can Get the Cold Mustard Out of the House!