The Metallic Fanta

## Description

Surrounded by enemies and their cover starting to slip before their eyes, The Dragon Friends are locked into a wager for their very lives.

## Synopsis

Bobby has snuck back into his room, having stolen papers from Eleanor Grundle's safe. Looking through the papers in his room, he confirms that all of them refer to noble and notables offering favours - including secret information - to the school in exchange for debts; plus a list of names with dates and fluid-ounce qualities, with names including students at the school and Eleanor herself. He also makes an Arcana check on the gem he stole, finding it to be carrying necromantic evocation magic. Concerned that Baston and Banknote have not returned, Bobby decides to return to fetch Philge and to find out what's happened to them.

Meanwhile, downstairs, Baston is sitting uncomfortably at a table with the vampire Lord Silas and Lionshield Banknote who has just attempted to drink (and keep down) a glass of blood in order to masquerade as a vampire. Silas asks if Banknote - having been flashing his money around - could help him out with his gambling debt of 20,000 dragons. Silas, more ominously, explains that he was sired by Strahd himself and asks who sired Banknote. Banknote claims to have been sired by "Nosferatu, 4000 years ago"; Silas asks what generation that would make him and is very unimpressed when he answers "one below Nosferatu". Silas replies that he thinks Banknote is just pretending to be a vampire, which is fairly common at these events, such that the genuine vampires call them "cosplayers". Silas offers Banknote a wager: 10,000 dragons on Punch-up winning. Banknote refuses on the grounds that Silas already has gambling debts, and Silas asks if he's really "loyal to the cause" while bringing out a slim, narrow black case from his cloak, which he claims contains a dagger belonging to Patrina, which he says will cover a wager worth 20,000 gold crowns for the value it would have in impressing Strahd.

Meanwhile, Bobby is showing the papers he stole to Philge, mentioning his fear that the fluid-ounce list relates to draining blood and that Baston and Banknote might be in danger from vampires. Bobby asks if any of the other girls might know what is going on on downstairs, and Philge sneaks back into the dorm, physically grabs Maisie Thropp by the head and brings her back into the common room to ask her about it. Maisie says that it's "one of the madam's events", and tells them the location of the event and the password, and they head down to the anteroom bar, seeing Bobby and Banknote in the inner room.

Banknote decides to offer his magical iron ring as his wager against the dagger, and Silas quickly accepts. Eleanor then orders the fight to begin, and the two girls in the ring begin to circle. Bobby casts *Message* on Eleanor Grundle, sending her a mental message that she has been invited to the Court of the Beggar King, and telling her that he has the promissory notes. Philge asks Bobby if he needs a distraction, and then tries to create one by marching into the room, doing her own wrestling intro, and jumping into the ring. Surprised, Silas suggests that they proceed with the fight, with Claudette and Punchup fighting together with knives against an unarmed (but much stronger) Philge, and Eleanor accepts the suggestion.

Silas asks if Banknote knows Philge, and when he replies that she's his daughter, angrily stands and attempts to grab back his dagger and steal Banknote's suitcase of money. Banknote and Baston both react first and grab both items themselves, while Silas's hands transform into claws and he calls for two of his allies; he slashes Baston deeply, and two other vampires stand, throw Eleanor out of the way and start to approach Banknote's table. Bobby runs forward to join the emerging fight while Philge attempts to jump out of the ring and onto Silas. Banknote tries to rescue Eleanor while Silas cries that "this was supposed to be a safe harbor" as the fight erupts. Eleanor, exasperated, abruptly cries "Girls, light them up!"; one of the prefects pulls a rope cord which causes a series of curtains to fall, revealing a series of mirrors reflecting beams of sunlight emitting from magical crystals as three further prefects burst through the entrance armed with heavy crossbows loaded with stakes. All three of them open fire on the crowd of vampires, collapsing them to the ground. Eleanor turns to the Friends and comments, "Darlings; you **FUCKING IDIOTS**."

## Cast

### Dragon Friends

* Philge
* Bobby Pancakes
* Baston
* Lionshield Banknote
* Flappy, Philge's familiar and sardonic hype.. hawk

### NPCs

* Eleanor Grundle
* Maisie Thropp
* Lord Silas
* Alecto and Danton, Silas' minions

## Themes, Tropes and Running Jokes

* Gratuitous Lists of names Bobby uses to mean blood: Red Goodies, Liquid Life, Scarlet Juice, Metallic Fanta.

## Trivia

* The fourth episode recorded by remote multicasting due to Australia, as with many countries, adopting a national Shelter In Place policy due to the pandemic of COVID-19. This means that there is no studio audience on the episode.
* The reference to a vampire's generation may relate to the RPG *Vampire: The Masquerade*, at one time the second most popular RPG in the world after *Dungeons & Dragons* itself. In that game, all vampires are related to a common ancestor and the closer a vampire is to that ancestor, the more powerful they are. Nosferatu is a clan of vampires in that game's setting; if Banknote had actually been sired by Nosferatu himself, that would make him a 4th generation Nictuku Methuselah, an extremely powerful and near-legendary vampire.

## Quotes

* "It's a good [glass of milk] with the creamy stuff on top." "Oh, thanks." "Unhomogenized." "Oh. Wow. They usually only sell that as pet food. It's bad for you, it can have germs." "No, you're thinking of unpasteurized." "Oh, yea, this is delicious." "Sorry, sorry. So Philge, up until a month ago didn't know how to read, but she knows the difference between pasteurized and unpasteurized milk?" "Oh, I'm sorry, I believe that she spent quite a lot of time in a place called The Milk Dimension..."
* "I'm always happy to laud my wealth over people I meet."
* "Do you want to go right now to a stall somewhere and watch me do the very famous vampiric thing of trying to suck my own dick? Is that what you want to see, Mr Silas?"
* "See the problem with me taking a wager with you is, you just came to me and asked to borrow 20,000 gold coins. Which suggests to me that you've got fuck-all money, you dumb idiot. So why would I take a bet with you when I couldn't possibly pay up?"
* "Ok, Maisie. First things first. This is a dream."