Matthew J. Delano Diary

First day of many,

My friends have left me. I can’t seem to figure out where they went...The doctor is not my friend. Before I got here my friends told me not to trust him. Dr. Rowan. Dr. Rowan. He is not my friend. Not my friend-Oh good my friends are back. They have something in store for the doctor...here he comes. Dr. Rowan. Don’t say hi-don’t look in his eyes-don’t speak until spoken to. Yes. Yes, they must remind me. He is here I must go… I’ll be back. Don’t worry.

Day 2,

Rowan Dr. FRIENDS WHERE ARE YOU? Oh thank goodness you're back...they want me to kill the doctor...but not now. OK I will...after yesterday I know not to like him. He gave me a check up. He said they are necessary every month. They’re not fun...black room, silver table, chains for limbs, head clamp...WAIT NO MY FRIENDS ARE LEAVING. FRIENDS STAY. I NEED YOU. Their gone. They left me alone in this box...don’t look under the bed. They told me about what's under there. Don’t look. Don’t look. Oh no I looked-their coming for me. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to! Sorry. Sorry. Sorry...my friends are back. They’re angry with me..I shouldn’t have looked-STUPID. STUPID. I have nothing to hurt myself with. Please hurt me my friends. I deserve it.

Day 10,

They are ready for the first test. OK. They said I need to hurt someone. If I do the guards will put me in the circle-the circle will be strike one. The circle: no corners, all yellow, no windows, metal chair, handcuffs, ankle cuffs, heart beat. The tighter the cuffs the louder the heart beat. The louder the heart beat the longer you stay. They want me in the circle for a week. My friends say the longer I stay the more the Doctor will want to get to know me. I’m ready. Test.

Day 18,

Circle. I am a circle. Circle...Dr. Rowan heard about me. He wants a one on one with me. My friends are pleased. One on one...what will happen? My friends are all talking about it. They said the meeting will take long. Dr. Rowan takes his time. I wonder what will happen. Will he ask me questions? I don’t like questions. Neither do my friends. My friends say questions only give the person bad views. They think you're crazy after questions...my friends say Dr. Rowan is coming for me. Calling for me. Waiting for me. Excited to see me. Me...time to go. He’s here. Door.

Day 24,

My head hurts-that’s his fault. I have an X on my forehead. His fault, it’s all his fault, his fault I’m here, his fault my friends are gone...they like me. Not him. He needs to go. Go. My friends will come back soon...I hope...they will...good.

Later that day,

They’re back and ready for test two...I’m excited. Test one. Circle. Test two. Scream. As loud as you can. Say you killed someone-the guards will come for you. They will. NO. Scream. Remember. Don’t forget. Friends will hurt you. Hurt. Tomorrow will be the day. Test two. They will come. They will take me to the square. We can talk forever in there...no interruptions...no Dr...no guards...just my friends and a jacket. The jacket-it hurts me but my friends say its good. The jacket. The square. Soon enough.

Day 25,

My friends woke me up too early. I have to scream earlier than planned...they need extra time. The time is what will help-OK. Test two...scream...I KILLED SOMEONE. Louder they say, scream louder, louder the guards will come...friends wait. Wait for them to come. No wait. PLEASE. Oh my. Oh my. Here they come. Cold footsteps creeping closer...to take me to the square. The square is calling my name. I’m ready. The jacket. The square. It’s ready for me. The guards are here. Take me.

Day 38,

The final test is ready. My friends are with me every second. They will not leave. With me forever. FOREVER...Shut up. You all are talking too loud, I can’t hear you, wait slow down...I know, I know. Please friends I don’t understand. I know the test but what are you talking about. WHAT? I don’t get it. I know the doctor. Dr. Rowan. I know kill him. Slow. OK. OK. I understand. Test three. Coming soon.

Day 51,

The day has come. My friends have come up with all the details-it’s perfect. The time is now, time to kill Dr. Rowan. Dr. Rowan. He will be dead after today, dead along with everyone else, all dead, no one left, they will all die...wait no not today. Only Dr. Rowan. Friends he’s coming. I’m ready. Time. Start.

Day 57,

The test didn’t work…they are angry, very angry. I’m sorry, I failed. The doctor said I will pay...he is happy. My friends are screaming, everyone slow down, please you’re hurting my head...they are so angry. They said he will kill us. My friends can’t die. I need them. They need me. I can’t die. That's not in the plan.

Day 120,

I’m sorry it took so long. Dr. Rowan took control of me. He is now in charge. He said I have to wait for my second punishment. I didn’t like my first one. Cold. So cold. Dark and alone for a while. The knife, slowly going into my body. The blood. Everywhere. I watched it pour past my eyes. Its warmth on my forehead. He liked it. Liked everything about it. Liked the pain. The blood. My brain, in his hands. He ate it. Like candy. He laughed. Uncontrollably. He likes hurting people. He says my friends can’t help me anymore. He took them. Took them to their own box. He is torturing them. I want them back. He thinks I don’t know that he has them. But I do. They whisper to me at night. They tell me what's going on. They told me I need to leave. But this is my home? I don’t know where I should go. My box contains me. If I leave my friends will be stuck here.

Day 150,

Dr. Rowan said today is the day. The day I will be no more. I will be gone. Forever gone. He’s coming. I don’t care what happens. He’s controlled by my friends. They like me. Not him. Me. No. The gate. He’s coming. The slam. Footsteps nearing me. The last key turn. Open. GONE!