King Zøg

**Spoilers!**
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*"Lying to me in any other way than flattery is a mortal crime."*
Zøg in The Madness of King Zøg

* Normal
* Bald

King **Zøg Grunkwitz** is a major character of Disenchantment.

He is the unscrupulous father of Bean, Derek, and Jasper by different mothers. For the bulk of the series, he is the ruler of Dreamland, though he has been dethroned several times over the course of the series. He is voiced by John DiMaggio.

## Appearance

Zøg typically wears a green robe with yellow trims on the sleeves and hem. His cape is a darker shade of green, bordering on a greenish-grey. He has orange hair accompanied with large nose, eyes and ears. He has spiky hair as well as a large handlebar moustache. He has a golden crown with two red gems: one is in the center of the crown, and another rests on top of a strange, antenna-like protrusion emanating from the tip of the crown. In "Bean Falls Down", the crown's antenna was revealed to be a spy camera for Alva Gunderson.

Zøg has red hair and a moustache. During his stay in a Monastery, he is shaven bald and remains that way for the rest of the series.

During his youth, Zøg appeared much as he did now with the exception of having well defined muscles and bore an extremely fit physique. In the years after however, he has turned fat from overindulgence and grief after the supposed death of his wife Dagmar. He can however still put up a decent fight if provoked.

## History

### Pre-series

Prince Zøg was the second born son of King Xøg. When he was younger he would be a castrati singer but this changed after he smoked his first cigar, which caused his voice to turn deeper and ruined his singing career.

He often felt alone during his childhood (just like his own son Derek) because of his father's attention to his older son Yøg, who was the heir of the throne. When he was a teen, Zøg met a mermaid while he was swimming in the ocean. She invited him to go with her, but Zøg was too terrified to go far and went back. A group of citizens who saw the whole thing believed the mermaid was a sea monster, and when Zøg returned alone they believed him to have killed this monster. It earned him the name "Zøg the beast slayer", and a statue was made in his honor. Later he became a knight and he was known as The Warrior Prince.

After his older brother, Yøg, died from being supposedly poisoned by Odval's secret society (though he later reveals it was a plot to toss Zøg over the brink of insanity, so it remains a mystery), Zøg unexpectedly had to become king despite never having been trained for the role. He admitted he wasn't a "ruler", but a fighter, who enjoyed competing in events such as caber-tossing.

He first met Princess Dagmar of Maru at a tournament where he instantly fell in love with her. They later got married, and they had a daughter together named Princess Bean. While Zøg genuinely loved Dagmar, she was secretly only using him to conceive a child she could use to fulfill an ancient prophecy, and plotted to dispose of him. Due to what happened to Yøg, Zøg had all of his food and drinks tasted by a tester to avoid poisoning. But one night the tester was late, and Dagmar seized this opportunity to try and dispose of Zøg. She ordered wine and grapes for the two of them and slipped a petrification potion in Zøg's wine. But as she got up to suggest making a toast, Bean rotated the tray so as to reach a grape, switching goblets in the process. This caused Dagmar to drink the poisoned wine intended for Zøg and as a result, she was turned to stone. Zøg shielded Bean from the sight, causing Bean to think that her mother died naturally, rather than being petrified.

Zøg, not knowing of Dagmar's treacherous nature, deeply mourned the loss of his wife. He had Dagmar placed inside the Church and lied to Bean that the statue that was really his wife was her memorial. Grief-stricken by the loss of his wife, Zøg vowed to create the Elixir of Life, believing it could revive Dagmar. He kept this news from Bean, who thus believed Zøg simply wanted immortality for himself.

A year after Dagmar's passing, Zøg married Queen Oona of Dankmire, but the marriage was purely for political reasons to stop the the Hundred Years' War between Dreamland and Dankmire. Queen Oona gave birth to Zøg's second child and the heir of the throne, Derek.

### Season 1

When first seen in the series, Zøg is trying to force his daughter Bean to marry Prince Guysbert of Bentwood to establish an alliance, and when Bean tricks Guysbert into killing himself, he forces her to marry Prince Merkimer instead. The wedding is interrupted when Elfo comes to Dreamland, and Zøg instantly takes an interest in him since Elves have not been seen in Dreamland for centuries and Elfo's blood could finally give him the Elixir of Life.

For the majority of the first half of season 1, Zøg frequently clashes with Bean due to her rebellious nature. In "Castle Party Massacre", after getting sick from drinking tainted water, Zøg has to leave the castle to go to the Runoff Springs Health Spa. In "Swamp And Circumstance" he decides to give Bean a change to prove herself and makes her ambassador of Dreamland during a diplomatic visit to Dankmire, but due to Luci getting Bean drunk she screws up and the alliance with Dankmire is severely strained.

After Bean returns from Cremorrah with the legendary Eternity Pendant, it seems Zøg finally has what he needs to revive Dagmar, but then it is revealed that Elfo is only half-elf and cannot activate the pendant. Enraged, Zøg has Elfo kicked out of the castle and Bean locked up, but Odval sets her free, knowing Bean will follow Elfo to Elfwood so they can capture some actual Elves. The Invasion of Elfwood ends badly for the knights of Dreamland however, and Elfo is killed in the process. When Bean returns with the dead Elfo, Zøg for the first time shows remorse for something he did and finally tells bean the truth about what happened to her mother and why he wanted the Elixir of Life. With some Elf Blood she had on a handkerchief, Bean activates the pendant and revives Dagmar.

Zøg is overjoyed to have Dagmar back and begins to neglect Oona. That is until Luci uses the Crystal ball to show Zøg what actually happened that fateful night 15 years ago, and that Dagmar tried to poison him. By then it's too late however; Dagmar uses the same petrification poison again on a large scale to petrify all of Dreamland, and then flees the country with Bean. Zøg remains behind, unpetrified but now all alone.

While Bean is away in Maru, Zøg saves Prince Merkimer from a group of Bozaks. When Bean, a now revived Elfo and Luci return to Dreamland, Zøg at first acts hostile towards them since he fears Bean is as evil as Dagmar, but Bean is able to get through to him and convince him Dagmar tricked her too. Then Oona returns to Dreamland with the elf Leavo and his pirate crew, and they bring the Eternity Pendant with them. When Leavo realizes the thing he had been looking for all these years is in Dreamland, he agrees to help King Zøg convince king Rulo of Elfwood to have the Elves move to Dreamland and use their blood to revive all the petrified inhabitants. To do so, Zøg has to appear before Rulo as a prisoner and apologize for the invasion.

The Elves agree and settle in Elf Alley afterwards. Oona meanwhile demand a divorce from Zøg, and Zøg agrees. Unbeknown to either of them, the Arch-Druidess and Odval secretly add a loophole to the divorce papers that allow them to make Derek their puppet king should anything happen to Zøg before Derek is an adult. After Oona is gone, Zøg goes looking for new love and finds a forest selkie named Ursula. She comes to live with him in the castle for a while, but misses the woods and Zøg eventually lets her go.

Despite their help, Zøg quickly begins to abuse the Elves like overtaxing them. He comes around however after seeing a circus performance by Troll Circus Troupe, who were pretending to be Elves.

Near the end of the season, Zøg is accidentally shot by Bean with a gun Bean brought back from Steamland; the same gun that Skybert (Sky Gunderson) was supposed to deliver to help Arch-Druidess kill him. Zøg is critically injured, and Odval and the Arch-Druidess seize this opportunity to take control of Dreamland. They have Bean and her friends sentenced to death for Witchcraft, and make Derek their king.

### Season 2

Zøg eventually recovers from the gunshot, and finds out the Arch-Druidess is plotting against him. When he hears Bean has been killed, he loses all will to live and orders Sir Pendergast to end his life, but then Elfo brings him news that Bean is alive (they were saved by Queen Dagmar and the Trøgs). Zøg thus orders Pendergast to smuggle him out of the castle in a coffin so he can plan a counterattack on the conspirators elsewhere. The Arch-Druidess discovers the plan however, has Pendergast killed, and buries the coffin with Zøg in it on the Pauper's graveyard.

Zøg spends hours buried alive and comes close to dying. He is saved due to the Trøgs robbing the graves, but by then the ordeal has done a serious number on his mind. He no longer remembers the treachery of Odval and the Arch-Druidess, and after he takes back his kingdom from Derke, he slowly begins to lose his sanity. Symptoms include that he starts honking like a goose, gets violent mood swings, random screams, and the inability to take surprises. Oona, who had returned to Dreamland to attend the wedding of Derek and Sagatha, decides to stay with him for a while. Zøg also takes the cat Scruffles in as his pet. Odval decides to throw some extra oil on the fire by tricking Zøg, Bean and Oona into coming to a nudist orgy of the Seekers, where Zøg sees everyone, including his ex wife and daughter, in the nude. The shock further increases his mental instability. Eventually Oona has to return to sea and Derek goes with her. When Zøg can't even speak anymore due to his insanity, Dagmar secretly sells him a ventriloquist dummy named Freckles through which Zøg can speak. Through Freckles, Zøg names Bean his successor. With great grief, Bean has Zøg send to the Twinkletown Insane Asylum while she herself is crowned Queen of Dreamland.

In the Asylum, Zøg is locked in a cell with Giggles and attends several sessions with Dr. Mulberry. Despite the questionable tactics used by the asylums' staff, Zøg recovers enough to speak in full sentences again. However, the staff is unwilling to let him go. Then Giggles, who has found out how much Zøg fears being buried alive, tricks Zøg into entering what he claims is an escape tunnel, and seals him in to torture Zøg. Instead, Zøg manages to free himself by using the skull of Giggles grandmother to dig to the surface, and this experience helps him overcome his fear. He flees from the Asylum and ends up in a Monastery, where the Rinsemaster makes him a monk. Some time in the monastery further cures Zøg and teaches him to be a calmer person.

After Zøg reunites with Bean, who had been abducted to Hell by Dagmar but escaped, they return to Dreamland together, which has been taken over by Emperor Cloyd and Becky the Enchantress during their absence. They manage to drive the villains out by starting a revolt among the population of Dreamland. Since Zøg is cured but Bean was already crowned queen, the two decide to share the throne from here on.

Zøg is still attaches to Freckles, who is revealed to be alive. Freckles pretends to be the perfect son and friend to Zøg, but is secretly plotting against him. In the episodes after, Zøg and Bean discover the ruins of the old Dreamland Castle, which used to belong to the Elves, and meet the Sea Trøgs. Zøg still longs for Ursula, and when he seeks her out in the woods, he learns that he fathered another child with her during their previous time together: Jasper. When Ursula is seemingly killed in a forest fire (she was actually caught by P.T. McGee), Zøg takes Jasper back to the castle with him.

In the season finale, Freckles tricks Jasper and Derek into running away from home and brings them to Steamland, where they are all imprisoned in the P.T. Freak Show. Zøg and Odval follow them there, but get separated and Odval is also locked up in the freakshow.

### Season 3

Zøg is still in Steamland. As he tries to find his sons, he first has to escape from the Steamland police, and then gets drafted in to a Wrestling show where he has to fight a robot named The Perc-O-Lator.
When Zøg wins the fight that he was supposed to lose, he is chased out of the show by an angry crowd and hunted down by the Wrestling manager and his troupe. While near a Pawnshop, Zøg finally reaches his limit and laments to himself how much misery being a king has brought him. He is then knocked out by the wrestlers.

At some point after this, Zøg is rescued by Alva Gunderson, who brings him to his penthouse. That is where Bean and Mora, who had discovered Zøg was in trouble in Steamland, find him. Along with Bean and Mora, Zøg is treated as a guest by Alva, until it is revealed Alva is still after Bean's magic and has build a robotic suit to trap her and harness her powers. Zøg and Mora find Bean when she is already trapped in the suit. In the lab, Zøg comes face to face with the Arch-Druidess again, who is working for Alva, and fights her. After Bean breaks free, she, Zøg and Mora escape from the building and end up at the Steamland Fun Center. There they learn their friends and family are trapped in the freakshow and free them all. Zøg is reunited with Ursula. While Mora and most of the freaks escape in an Electrofish, Zøg and Bean are forced to use a hot air balloon instead.

The balloon takes them to Maru, where they have a final showdown with Cloyd and Becky that ends with Bean destroying the Oracle Fire and freeing Maru from the corruption caused by Dagmar's family. They then try to reach Dreamland with a flying machine given to them by the Crones, but crash, get lost in thick fog, and find themselves back in the Insane Asylum. Zøg is once again imprisoned with Giggles, and this time there is no tunnel to escape through. Eventually, Zøg and several other inmates escape the asylum when Bean uses her powers to free them.

With Bean, Zøg returns to Dreamland, which is now ruled by Dagmar and Satan. He joins the large resistance group formed by Elfo, Luci and Miri to fight Dagmar. Zøg participates in The Battle of Falling Water outside the Crystal Cavern, and tries to take on Dagmar himself later but is no match for her magic powers. Bean is eventually able to defeat Dagmar once and for all.

After Dagmar's downfall, Zøg steps down from the throne and goes to live in the forest with Ursula and Jasper as family. He is last seen in the woods with them, giving his crown to the Crown-wearing deer.

## Personality

As King, Zøg is a stereotypical tyrannical king of old, ruling with only his self-interest in mind. He is cruel, insulting and generalizing Derek relentlessly; he shouts a lot, even stating he found it difficult to solve things without yelling; and he is vain, as he made the law that any lies other than flattery are mortal crimes, but also wishes not to hear the truth.

His personality seems to have been embittered as a result of the loss of his beloved and "perfect" wife Queen Dagmar who had turned to stone 15 years ago, in an attempt to save her, he ardently seeks the Elixir of Life to restore her to his side. His own insensitivity and inability to deal with female emotions made him struggle to have a healthy relationship with his daughter Bean, who instead was brought up by her handmaiden Bunty and numerous drinking buddies.

Despite his issues with her, he realizes that he is the cause of Bean's misery and alcoholism, but he cannot do anything about it except yell. Despite his penchant for flattery, he does admit his flaws as he once admit that he is not a healthy man. He is also fully aware of the fact that he is a poor king, mainly because he was never meant to be king but got forced into the job when his older brother died. He also appears to have a very, very bad relationship with his relatives, as while buried alive he tries to convince himself of the bright side, that he would see his family again, but he immediately worries, after remembering that he had most of them murdered. However after doing some reflection during his stay at a monastery, he starts becoming a calmer person and a better father.

## Abilities

Zøg is an athletic man for his age as he's strong enough to hurl a boulder close to his size, fight Ursula to a stalemate when she's in bear form and agile enough to spare with Cloyd using goon hands. He's also skilled at using an axe. He used to have a good singing voice until he smoked his father's cigar. He's also able to endure serve injuries dished out on him.

## Relationships

### Family

#### Xøg

Xøg was Zøg and Yøg's father and king of Dreamland. It seems that he thought that Yøg was better than Zøg. As a result Zøg was never really close to his father.

#### Bee-Baw

She is the late mother of Yøg and Zøg's. Zøg seems to love his mother very much as he was mortified that Bean had been caught robbing his mother's necklace in their family crypt and promised that Bean could not get away with that.

#### Yøg

Yøg was Zøg's older brother and the original heir to the throne of Dreamland. Even though they were close to each other when they were kids it seems that their relationship changed because Yøg was the the next king. Zøg didn't seem unsettled when his elder brother was poisoned and died.

#### Bean

Bean is his only daughter that he had with Dagmar and eldest child. He has had a difficult relationship with his daughter Bean ever since her mother was turned to stone and Zøg could become very angry at her when she refused to behave like a proper princess or refused to be married off but eventually relented and let her live her life her own way, even though he believed her to be "crazy" and even called her that in front of her. However, he still punished her when her shenanigans get out of hand such as throwing a party that ended up in many people dead and stuffed in his chimney.

When Zøg saw Bean leaving with her mother during Dreamland Falls, he believed that Bean was a traitor working with Dagmar and went so far as trying to kill her, however, Bean managed to get him to bring him back to his senses and their relationship was returned back to normal, in a way. Later in Season Three, Bean appeared to have a "soothing influence" over him during his insane state, with her being the only one he would try to communicate with, whether it was through sounds, or "Freckles", the puppet.

#### Derek

Derek is Zøg's only son through Oona and reigning king to Dreamland. Zøg seems to be irritated with Derek's childish behavior and at one point smacked him in the head even though Derek hadn't done anything wrong. Derek once recalled how he could wake his father up from his nap and Zøg chased him through the castle to punish him.

### Enemies

#### Queen Dagmar

Dagmar is Zøg's first ex-wife and the mother of his eldest daughter, Bean. Zøg fell in love with her at first sight, married her and they had a child together. Zøg adored his wife and dedicated his entire life to her, unaware that she was just using him to conceive a child and fulfill her family's prophecy. After Dagmar was turned into stone, Zøg never overcame her loss and did whatever he could to get the Elixir of Life in order to revive her. Even after marrying Oona, Zøg did not forget Dagmar and kept her portraits in the castle's walls.

In the events of Dreamland Falls, he learns of her attempt to poison him thanks in part to Luci's past time of crystal-gazing, and has a hard time coping with it; he is also one of the few survivors of her attack. After the kingdom was saved, Zøg got over his feelings for her and burned her portraits. The rest of the series he is openly hostile towards her.

### Other

#### Queen Oona

Zøg's second ex-wife. After Queen Dagmar was turned to stone, he was forced to marry with Oona to secure an alliance (and thus end the conflict) with Dankmire. Neither Oona nor Zøg loved each other but remained civil with the other, with Oona playing the role of proper Queen and giving birth to Zøg's heir while Zøg could sometimes talk to her about his problems who is more sane than him.

However, after Dagmar is revived Zøg focuses on her and ignores Oona, which enrages her. When the attacks on Dreamland begin, Zøg blames Oona and even tells Odval to kill her but Oona managed to escape and followed the Maruvian boat that carried Dagmar and Bean.

When Oona returned to Dreamland Zøg, who had just found out Dagmar's true nature, begged her to take him back, most likely out of fear of being alone but she refused and after the divorce was official she got a slight revenge against him by stealing the castle's keys, locking him outside.

Despite being divorced now and there never having been any true love between them when they were married, Oona remains on friendly terms with Zøg and at some level does care for him. This is mostly seen during Zøg's descent into madness, when Oona voluntarily stayed to look after him.

#### Elfo

Zøg (inspired to find the Elixir of Life) captures Elfo in a cage, poking holes in the bottom so Elfo can dance and prance, and subjects him to blood tests, but it is apparent that he liked Elfo, and was genuinely upset about his passing.

#### Luci

He shares a (developing) friendship with Luci the Demon, believing him to be a talking cat. At first, he utterly dislikes him, kicking him whenever he would talk, but around Dreamland Falls, he begins talking more and more with Luci, sharing his feelings with him.

#### Ursula

Zøg met Ursula while going hunting to distract himself from Dagmar's betrayal. When he first saw her she was in her bear form so they attacked each other until he found that Ursula had turned into a woman so after they healed each other's wounds she explained that she was a forest selkie and when she put on her bear skin she turned into a bear but otherwise she was a woman.

Zøg then took her to the castle, had her dressed up and the two spent some time together which ended up with them spending the night together. Zøg once again fell in love, and wanted to marry Ursula but he was afraid she could go back to the forest so he hid her bear skin from her in order to keep her with him but after seeing how much Ursula missed her free life in the forest he reluctantly returned her skin to her, which she immediately put on and left.

#### Freckles

While in his psychologically broken state, Zøg purchases a puppet named Freckles with Bean's help from a shop whose owner looks suspiciously like Dagmar, which he later uses to express himself, as he had stated "I can't even honk no more" while using Freckles in his final conversation with Bean before being sent to the insane asylum. However, the puppet doesn't seem to be only a puppet, with the ominousness surrounding the shop, and it. It is eventually confirmed that Freckles is alive, and on Dagmar's side.

## Running Gags

* **Describing Out Loud**:
	+ When inspecting something King Zøg has a habit of doing so out loud. The running gag appears to be that the final item is to be revealed as something unexpected for him, or upsetting.
	+ The gag is established in the first episode when inspects the wedding cake: he does so from top to bottom, with everything being satisfactory until he reaches the message rearranged by Bean from "The Great Bentwood Dreamland Alliance" to "Get Bent Dad". This causes him to freak out.
	+ The pattern is repeated in the third episode when the King inspects "villain" from bottom to top. He freaks out when he realizes it is Bean (which was, in a way, obvious).
	+ On the third occasion, the King returns to his castle after being "treated" for a stomach bug caused from drinking dirty water. He documents his journey from the front entrance to the throne room, and seems disappointed when nothing was out of place. He obviously expects the place to be trashed, and accounts for his meticulous documentation being caused by a stroke on the way back from the spa. The expectation that something would have happened was half-thought, as shown from his usual narrative, but this time, with a bored tone, suggesting he thought he knew what was to come. This expectation is averted, however, until a little later on when the body parts fall from the chimney when he tried to start a fire to warm himself, as a delayed punchline.
	+ The pattern is repeated with the ear explosions: they fail to go off when he expected them to, instead going off in an unexpected manner.
* **Talking Cat**: he believes Luci to be a talking cat after Bean came up with that on the spot, and oftentimes kicks him away, until Dreamland get's turned to stone, where he begins to warm up to him and talk to him more. Luci also acted as an emotional support "cat" for him, after he recovered from being shot, and was put in a state of insanity.
* **Liking a Violent Bean**: In multiple times through Season One he tends to like Bean more when she is doing, or talking about violent topics, such when she threatened to bite out his spinal chord if he mentioned her buck-teeth again in the end of Faster, Princess! Kill! Kill!, to which he replied a nonchalant, "That's my girl.", chuckling, or when he walked in on Bean and Luci, asking if they're doing anything suspicious that he should know about, to which Bean replies "Just making murder plans with my cat." Unsurprisingly, Zøg casually replies, "Oh that's nice. Goodnight, sweetie."

## Cultural References

* **Zog I of Albania (1895-1961)**: King Zøg the only reference to a real life Zøg appears to be the only modern King of Albania.

## Trivia

* Zøg claims to be a patron of the arts.
* He has the tendency to execute people by pit trap in which they fall to their doom at the sea level below the castle.
* He was one of the co-hosts of the event Harvest Blessing which took place in Dreamland. The report was shown in the episode Swamp and Circumstance.
* He can read. This is an uncommon trait, because in medieval times literacy was uncommon even amongst the nobility. Despite this, Zøg isn't a great fan of reading.
* A giant hay effigy of him is created and burned at the harvest festival.
* While performing a play marking the history between Dreamland and Dankmire, a Dankmirian child is dressed up to look like him.
* His coat of arms is a tree with branches and roots clearly visible, separated by two colours. This is almost identical to that of Sir Bedevere's (Terry Jones) in Monty Python and The Holy Grail.
* Zøg does share similarities with the Scotsman from the Cartoon Network animated series, **Samurai Jack** (which John DiMaggio also voiced). Both are Red-haired (and moustached) skilled warriors. Both ill-mannered and stubborn that they (sometimes) wouldn't list to reason and are known for yelling constantly. Both are passionate about their wives and do anything to keep them safe and alive, and both have daughters that are also skilled warriors as well (for Zøg he as Bean, while for the Scotsman he has his 28 daughters, which appeared in season 5)
* His character resembles that of real-life king Henry the VIII of England, as well as Richard the IV from the comedy series Blackadder.
* His battle cry "Bite my shiny metal axe!" when attacking a beast with his axe is a homage to Bender's catchphrase "Bite my shiny metal ass!", also voiced by John DiMaggio.
* He has a jester for entertainment (whom always sends falling off the castle into the water in some way), a news reader (otherwise known as the Herald) and enjoys watching executions.
* Zøg's character is strikingly similar to Robert Baratheon's from the epic fantasy series A Song of Ice and Fire by G.R.R. Martin. Both were nobles that were never meant (or wanted) to be king, that ended up being on a throne without the skills or knowledge on being a ruler. Both were highly skilled and fit warriors that turned fat upon becoming king due to a mixture of overindulgence and grief (for Zøg this happened after Dagmar's supposed death); had a woman they loved only for them to be taken away (in Zøg's case it was temporary; Robert's was supposedly kidnapped) and had a political marriage that left them miserable (for Zøg it was his second marriage).
	+ The similarity of character is down to the fact that both are tokens of the trope of fat royalty, known as adipose rex (literally fat king). In short, G.R.R. Martin utilised this trope in the creation of Robert Baratheon, and the writing team behind Disenchantment utilised it in the creation of King Zøg. It is unknown to what extent Zøg is inspired by Robert, as they are both tokens of the same trope, but given the amount of Dragon Eggs, it cannot be ruled out.
* In "Love's Slimy Embrace" he intentionally developed gout to impress the Duke of Twinkletown and is threatened with having his foot amputated as a result, yet somehow he is recovered from it by the next episode with no explanation given.

## Quotes

**King Zøg**: It's hard to know what to do without yellin'.

**King Zøg**: Cancel all other crusades - we'll find the one true god next year.

**King Zøg**: Lying to me in any other way than flattery is a mortal crime.

**Bean**: I've just realised, you're the reason I have a drinking problem.
**King Zøg**: Of course I am - I'm your father.
**Bean**: You know what else you are? You're selfish, you're a terrible king and even if you do find a way to live for eternity, no-one in their right mind would want to spend it with you!
**King Zøg**: Take her away until she stops pointing things out.

**King Zøg**: (irritably) Every time that girl gets a little responsibility, somebody winds up alive.

**Luci**: Me? Ow! Uh, meow! That's what cats say, right?
**Zøg**: I'm not here to answer cat questions. (Kicks Luci away nonchalantly)

**Zøg**: Ladies, ladies, please! (to Odval) I'm much more embarrassed than I am aroused!

**Zøg**: Well I guess the only bright side is, now I got nothing left to lose. (Hangs head sadly, crown falls) (weak stretching) Heh... Except for the thing...that says I'm a KING! OH COME ON (frustrated screams)
## References

1. ↑ Bean's full name is Princess Tiabeanie Mariabeanie de la Rochambeau Grunkwitz, not *Drunkowitz* - she just called herself that while drunk. Grunkwitz is Zøg's family name from the House of Grunkwitz (like House of Windsor or House of Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg) - Twitter post of Josh Weinstein's verified account
2. ↑ Sir Bedevere's Coat of Arms in MPATHG *pathe.nl*
3. ↑ Adipose Rex *allthetropes.org*