Joker vs Jeff the Killer

## Pre-Analysis

Alexander: Psychopaths in fiction are really strange. You never know what they’re gonna do next, which is interesting.

D1G1T: And we have the two most known today!

Alexander: Jeff the Killer, a creepypasta well-known by many.

D1G1T: And The Joker, the clown prince of crime!

Alexander: I’m Alexander and this is my assistant, D1G1T.

D1G1T: And today, we research these two!

## Jeff the Killer

Alexander: In a small neighbourhood, there lived the Woods Family. This family consisted of the mother and father, whose names are unknown. However, their children would become famous…. Well actually, they were infamous. The first brother was Liu, who would be killed by his other brother…. Unless we talk about the retcon, which we are not. The other brother was Jeffery Woods, who after killing everyone in his family, became….

D1G1T: Jeff the Killer!

Alexander: Oh god, not the creepypasta fanbase…. A-Anyways, let’s start with his weapons. Or rather, his weapon.

D1G1T: He carries around your average kitchen knife as his primary weapon, sometimes even carrying two for emergencies. Somehow, these can cut through SWAT armour! Somebody please explain this to me!

Alexander: D1G1T, I can’t even begin to explain how that works. It’s honestly best if you just give up now.

D1G1T: But I…. I…. Okay.

Alexander: Good. Now let’s move onto his feats. Jeff has held his own against Slenderman on many occasions, survived being set on fire, cutting his face into a joker-esque smile, has an impressive kill count that’s unstated and battled three 11-year olds to the death when he was 12.

D1G1T: B-But how?!? He’s just a scrawny kid!

Alexander: You are so correct. The iconic white hoodie, lack of eyelids and cut smile make him easy to see. And you know how I said Jeff held his own? Well, in most fights with Slenderman, Jeff easily loses.

D1G1T: He’s still freaky looking, though.

## Joker

Alexander: In the DC Universe, Gotham City is one of the cities with the highest crime rate, being home to a professor of fear, a brutally powerful drug addict, a rich guy with a monocle and a strange obsession with penguins and even a secret society of people with owl masks. However, we all know who’s the most dangerous out of this criminal list.

D1G1T: The Man who Laughs, The Clown Prince of Crime….. Joker.

Alexander: Okay, so let’s mix thi-

D1G1T: Let’s start with weapons!

Alexander: **Pained scream** FINE! Joker’s got an abnormally large arsenal of weapons. Let’s start with the least odd weapons, like his pistol that fires the little flags that say “Bang!”. Honestly, that sounds like an awful sense of irony, but whatever.

D1G1T: He’s also got himself a submachine gun. And by the looks of the model, it appears to be similar to a Thompson submachine gun, which uses .45 mm bullets!

Alexander: He’s also got about a thousand different explosives disguised as his eyes, teeth and etcetera. On top of that, he’s got his joy buzzer that’s deadlier than an electric chair and his acid flower. Self-explanatory, am I right?

D1G1T: He’s got razor-sharp playing cards, a crowbar, dynamite and then he’s got his ace in the hole: The Joker Venom!

Alexander: One puff of this stuff and you’ll laugh harder than D1G1T after a virus removal. And just to let you know, that would make your lungs collapse!

D1G1T: Hey! Don’t forget when he became Titan Joker!

Alexander: As for his feats, Joker has survived beatings from Batman and Superman, even holding his own and beating them! On top of that, Titan-infused people are on-par with Bane.

D1G1T: Yeah. Now if only he wasn’t a bright purple, bleached clown.

Alexander: Yeah, you still don’t want to mess with the Clown Prince of Crime! Even when he runs for President!

D1G1T: What?!?

## Fight

GOTHAM CITY, 10:00 PM

Jeff watches a middle-aged man enter his home after a long day of work. As soon as he enters the house, he hears someone laughing. Thinking it was the man, he brushes it off and and goes upstairs to kill him. He creeps into the room, prepares to stab the man when he realizes something: The man doesn’t have a pulse. The laughing starts again, this time from behind him. “Well, what do we have here? It looks like I have a guest up here on stage.”

“You stole my kill! Now I’m gonna kill you!”

FIGHT!

Jeff goes in for a slashing attack at Joker, who whacks Jeff over the head with his crowbar. After the first crowbar makes contact, Jeff decides to back off and throw a knife at the Joker. Joker dodges the knife and gets up close again. This time, Jeff punches Joker square in the jaw, sending him flying back and knocking an eye out of his head. “OW! MY EYE!” Joker stumbles backwards, only for the eye to explode behind Jeff.

Joker moves his hand revealing his eye to be perfectly fine. “I don’t think I like you stealing my material, kid! Just go home to mommy and daddy!” He proceeds to beat Jeff repeatedly with his crowbar before holding out his hand to help Jeff up. Jeff stabs his hand, as well as the joy buzzer, frying Jeff’s organs alive. Joker just gets up, pulls the knife out of his hand and pours gasoline over Jeff’s body, which was still breathing heavily, before igniting it…. And the two tons of dynamite he set up downstairs.

## Post-Analysis

Alexander: Well, that was absolutely brutal.

D1G1T: You can say that again! Jeff may have seemed to have a better chance to the Jeff fanboys and fangirls, but Joker had the edge in every category.

Alexander: Jeff wasn’t exactly a powerful fighter, since all he does is kill defenseless teenagers and adults with an occasional battle with Slenderman, whom he always loses to. Meanwhile, Joker has held his own with Batman, who’s mastered practically every martial art there ever was. The only category they had equal footing on was durability.

D1G1T: It's quite the same with arsenal, too. While Jeff only uses a chef's knife in battle, Joker has a vast arsenal of weaponized gags, guns and weapons made to break stuff. It wouldn't be long before Jeff falls prey to these weapons.

Alexander: Joker even had an ace in the hole, just in case anything went wrong. His Joker gas would be completely effective on Jeff, who has no way to prevent breathing in the gas.

D1G1T: In the end, Jeff took his best stab at the bout.

Alexander: The winner is the Joker.

SUMMARY

**Joker:**

+++ Arsenal

+ Strength

+ Intelligence

+ Stealth

+ Absolutely unpredictable

+ Speed

+ Joker Gas could one-shot Jeff

= Durability

**Jeff:**

= Durability

- Speed

- Predictable attacks

--- Arsenal

- Strength

- Stealth

- Intelligence