For The Women Who Raise Hell- And Have Fun Doing It

For The Women Who Raise Hell- And Have Fun Doing It is the twenty first chapter in the Wombles Eight.

In Wiltshire, UK Harleen Quinzel had gone to see the Batcave.  She was having a tour when somebody accidentally bumped into her. Unfortunately she was over a large metal tank with a strange liquid.  Harleen fell rapidly into the gloopy substance which sizzled and turned her clothes to rags.  As she struggled out she felt different.  A familiar different.  She didn’t just feel different.  She felt good!  She felt bad! She felt good to be bad.

Iron Womble heard her scream as she fell.  He flew in just as she climbed out.  “Miss Quinzel!  I’ll take you to hospital!” he shouted heroically.  “I am Harley Quinn and I don’t need a hospital!  But you will” she shouted back.  Wellington suddenly saw that she had found a big metal bat.  He tried to get out of the way but it was too late.  Whack! He was hit hard with the bat and just managed to avoid crashing into the tourists as he was launched out of the cave.

Wellington finally regained control just missing a giant airship.  The airship rapidly dodged Iron Womble and sped away.  There was just time for Wellington to see that the airship had a big Z on the side as it flew rapidly into the clouds.

Catwoman was lying flat on her back next to Katy’s dark mansion.  She had just regained consciousness.  Catwoman looked cautiously and painfully around her.  To her surprise she was covered in cats. The cats were licking her.  She opened her eyes.  “I’m alive still” she said to nobody.  “We Wo” said one of the cats.  An older, skinnier looking cat walked up to her face.  “We brought you back” the cat rasped at her.  “Who are you?” asked Selina.

“I’m Meowyskin.” Replied the older cat.  “I’m Meowykins!” said another one of the cats.  “Meowywhat?” asked Catwoman.  “Kins sis! Meowykins!” replied another cat, who was orange, wearing sunglasses and a cap the wrong way round.  “And I’m Meowymagic!” he added in a short song.

“Why did you bring me back?” Catwoman spat after coughing.

“Barcorse war saw thart yar wur drossed op lark ar cart arnd war thort yar wourd bar ar gourd arlly!” said a pale green meowy, then a brighter green meowy said, “We waid, ‘Wecause we waw what wou were wessed wup wike wa wat wand we wought wou we wa wood wally!”

Catwoman looked blank. “What they’re trying to say,” said a blue cat with a black moustache, “Is that we saw that you were dressed up like a cat and we thought you could be a good ally.”

“Oh.  Well can you please get off of me?  I need some breathing space…”  Catwoman looked solemnly at Meowykins.  Meowykins looked solemnly back, and then she announced, “Okay, let’s give her some space.”

“YOU HEARD HER!  LET’S RETREAT!” yelled a lighter blue meowy with a white moustache, who was wearing a cowboy hat and what looked like some kind of police badge.

“Why are you yelling?” asked a smaller blue meowy who seemed to be constantly frightened.

“I’M NOT!” yelled the other meowy.

Catwoman watched the Meowys go off into the countryside and looked around.  What she saw made her smile.  There was a big sign that read BATCAVE THIS WAY!  “I’ve got you now Bruce” she said to herself and strode off where the sign pointed.  As she passed the long line of cars there was a horrific sight.  Every passenger and driver was dead.  All with similar injuries to the head.

Selina shrugged and marched on to the open Batcave where she found more dead tourists.  “Up here!” shouted a voice.  “Harley?” replied Catwoman.  She headed up some steps to find Harley lounging in a bath of chemicals. Harley climbed out with her big metal bat slung over her shoulder.

“Your dress is ruined!” said a shocked Catwoman.  Harley admired herself in the gleaming wall of the chemical vat.  Her dress was singed and torn but Harley liked the new style. “It’s gorgeous pudding!” she enthused. “And you look gorgeous too!  Where did you get that cute black and red number?” Harley asked.  “It’s purrfect isn’t it!  Long story but somebody bought me a load of new outfits.  Then she tried to kill me.  Now I have to get them back.” Catwoman replied.  “The outfits or whoever she is?” asked Harley.  “The outfits of course!” replied Selina.

“Well let’s go and do that!” said a familiar voice.  “Ivy!” said Catwoman with joy.  “I called her after batting a rocket powered womble and killing all those losers disturbing my bath” said Harley.  “And here I am!  So are you ready girls?” asked Poison Ivy.  The terrible trio linked arms to head off and find a nice car when Alfred came in.  His mouth dropped open in shock.  Harley, Selina and Ivy raced towards him.  Alfred dived through into the dark room and locked the door.

The three women broke open the door just after Alfred had shouted “Shazam!” and sped away to Kent to warn Batman.  He flew into the Kent Batcave.  The Flash was there but no Bruce.  Captain Marvel shouted “Shazam!” and changed back into Alfred.  “Alfred, you look worried” said Barry.  “I have to warn Master Bruce.  Miss Quinzel has relapsed into Harley Quinn and teamed up with Miss Kyle and Miss Isley” replied Alfred as calmly as possible.

“Sorry!  I accidentally left him in LA!  I’ll fetch him for you.” Barry replied.  Batman was wandering around LA angrily knocking out any criminals he saw.  He was just going to knock out a gangster when the Flash took him back to Kent. “Sorry Bruce!  I’m training hard in case Eobard Thawne escapes.  But you’re back now!”  Bruce gave Barry a long, hard, dark stare.  “Just don’t do it again.  We’re supposed to be a team!  And I am the leader of that team!” he replied.

“Ahem” cut in Alfred giving Bruce an even harder stare.  “But thank you for bringing me back” said Bruce getting the message.  “No problem buddy!” Barry replied with a smile.  “Oh and I’m sorry about the Batmobile. Couldn’t find that.  But will this be OK?” Barry asked.  Bruce suddenly noticed the big, customised orange Bentley. “I think it will Barry” said Bruce. Bruce got to work on the Bentley to get it armed and armoured.

Bungo was taking a break at Avengers HQ.  A loud buzz sounded.  “Now! I’ve only just started my hot acorn juice and bramble pie.” Bungo groaned.  “Eat your pie while it’s hot!” Madame Cholet replied before tucking into her own piece. Orinoco had already finished his drink and pie.  He was taking forty winks.  The buzz kept on buzzing while Bungo enjoyed his pie and drink.  When it was finished he answered the call.  PMW was on the line.  “Chief switch on your TV!” he said urgently.  “There’s something you need to hear.”  Bungo switched on the TV.  Madame Cholet handed him a note.  The note said *watch your TV at 2pm*.  He checked his watch.  It was 2pm!

Alderney was on the screen. It looked like she was at Grand Steed Manor.  This is what she said.

*People and wombles! Some of you may know about a heinous crime that recently happened.  The murder of Venus King, the former Royal Singer, SCAR operative and associate of the notorious singer Katy Perry.  We have a new Chief of Police for the UK. Her name is Teresa Lisbon, formerly of the CBI in the USA.  Chief Lisbon will lead the investigation of Mrs King’s horrendous murder as well as that of many other murder victims with one particularly important.*

*A mass slaughter of tourists happened today in Wiltshire.  All were visiting the new Batcave.  The Minister for Technology, Wellington Womble, confirmed it was the work of the Minister for Health Miss Harleen Quinzel, who has resumed her criminal alter-ego of Harley Quinn.*

*The body of Sir Miles Messervy, the former head of M16, was discovered today by the Royal Dog Dame Freckles.  His body was found with nearly all the bones broken and the head severed at the foot of a cliff in Kent.*

*Chief Lisbon is not the only promotion to announce today.  The former head of the army and MI6 agent Commander Sir James Bond is the new head of MI6.  He will be known as J in his new role and we all wish him well in his new role.*

*Chief Lisbon will be working with J and the Avengers to solve the murders of Mrs King, Sir Miles and to apprehend Miss Quinzel.*

*Miss Quinzel is now replaced as Minister for Health by Hannibal Smith, former Minister for Smoking. And that’s it!*

*Arrgh! Noooo!  Get it off of me!*