British-Shtokavian War

The **British-Shtokavian War** (Lufta Britaniko-Shtokaviane) was fought in 1861 between the United Kingdom and the Shtokavian Republic (Republika Shtokaviane). After a few countries intervened, it was inconclusive in the end.

## IN AD 1861 WAR WAS BEGINNING

In April 1861 HMHS Karl Jacobs had somebody set up them the bomb. They get letter. What!! Anyway in the capital of Arkhanatta, known terrorist Rafaello Ricipov, working at the Premerial Palace as an attorney as punishment for blowing up the Ministry of National Defence, ran from the capital to Port Dursley, a British overseas settlement on the coast of Shtokavia. He snuck on board the HMHS Karl Jacobs (which was in fact an Indiaman with no hospital capabilities) and planted explosives, which he detonated while the ship was on patrol near the Two Sicilies. Before leaving, he left a small note notifying that the ports no longer belonged to the British and were taken by the Shtokavian Army (this was not true yet). He then boarded a lifeboat to Italy. Captain Barnaby, a decorated captain died on the ship after telling his crew to notify High Command in East Anglia. Meanwhile, the Shtokavian Army in pursuit of Ricipov, accidentally siezed the British ports. Once arriving at High Command, they immediately declared war on Shtokavia.

## Phase 1: Das Invasijone

As soon as the war was declared, the Shtokavian Army siezed the British embassy under command of G. Miloš after a short siege (which was failing until a train crashed into the building) and siezed all 163 British consulates. The first British invasion army (Royal Marines), commanded by Commander Guy, successfully retook Port Daralam with light enough casualties. Then the Shtokavians sold the remains of the British embassy to the Ottomans. This pissed the Brits off a lot. As a counter against the British, Shtokavian Prime Minister Báld put Miloš's army at Smalquds and some other armies in Skyrgrad and Rauchenberg, while also telling the UÇK to blow up the tracks in exchange for gold.

## March (it's april) on the Capitol

While marching towards the capital, the Marines (the British Army hadn't arrived yet) were notified that the way through Rauchenberg, which they were planning on taking was blocked off and they couldn't take the trains to the capital. It was around this time that the Russian Foreign Legion arrived to help the British and to improve international relations, comprised of 2 Russians, 1 Pole and an Irishman (because of this it was called by the Brits "the drunkards' legion"). Thanks to the route being cut off, the Marines had to go through the Slop Marshland, where there was an ambush waiting for them. The Albanians even joined in on shooting the British. In the end, the British lost half of their men in the battle, but they survived and ended up in a Phyrric Victory just because they had more men. Meanwhile, the Ottomans rejected the Shtokavian request for military intervention, even though they gave them a building. The US also didn't approve of the British invading smaller countries on petty reasons. This pissed the Brits off a bit.

## Smalquds more like little jeruslaemememmeme

15 km south of Smalquds, one of the bigger battles of the war happened, the Battle of Smalquds. The British camp was found by a Shtokavian scout and the Shtokavians attacked the Brits by (semi) surprise. The battle ended in a British defeat, the death of Commander Guy and his aide-de-camp, A.D. Codswallop taking charge of what was left. The end of the battle coincided with the arrival of the British Army in Port Daralam and Port Dursley under the command of General Mong. G. Miloš was awarded for his victory at Smalquds just as the Austrian ambassador came in offering military support. The Ottomans don't like this, as they want Shtokavia in their sphere of influence, but obviously the Prime Minister aggrees to the Austrian offer, since the Ottomans didn't help. Codswallop led a battle in the town of Saltburgh, which ended with him bravely escaping on horseback from a surrounded stable, leaving everyone behind in the town except for his guard. The reason for this catastrophic failure is because he didn't bother with waiting for the rest of the reinforcements. Also he was drunk. Everyone left in Saltburgh was either captured or killed. Meanwhile Codswallop covered his ass by saying that the army was annihilated and they were the only survivors when reporting to General Mong.

### Meanwhile on water area

The HMS Homely Alabama, a man-of-war, was tasked with transporting the 4th Milton Keynes Brigade for deployment in Port Dillon in Shtokavia. Unfortunately the navigator was an incompetent opium addict. The crew and brigade noticed this only when they were in the Atlantic way away from the UK. There was nobody else who could have been the navigator, so the ship bumbled around for some time until they finally arrived in the Med, where they were then attacked by the (small) Shtokavian Navy and even by the Sicilians (they mistook the ship for pirates). After a long time they finally arrived where they were supposed to be. These events were depicted in the 1980 movie called "Boat Movie: spin-off of "British-Shtokavian War for revenge by British Empire of ancestor of Gabriello Přišnić terrorism attack on British man-of-war for nationalistic motive how contains imperialistic motive against small nation in 1861"".