Mr. Simon Warr

Headmaster (Season 3)

Classical Civilisation (Season 3)

**Simon Roderick "S.R." Warr** (9 September 1953 – 22 February 2020) was a British radio broadcaster, television personality, author and teacher. Warr was acquitted of allegations of historical child abuse and wrote a book about his experiences.

## Television

Warr's television career began in 2003 with BBC1's *Rule the School*. He was subsequently cast in the role of languages teacher and then headmaster in Channel 4's historical reality series *That'll Teach 'Em* which ran for three seasons from 2003 to 2006, and aimed to find out whether the standards of 1950s and 1960s boarding schools could produce better academic achievement for GCSE students. He also appeared in Channel 5's *The Nightmare Neighbours Next Door*.

His television appearances have also included being a guest on *The One Show* (2007) and on *Sunday Morning Live* (2010-2012). He was also a contestant on *Mastermind* in 1981. Warr was the only person ever to have hosted Mastermind on BBC1 with Magnus Magnusson in the famous black chair as a contestant. This event is noted in Magnus Magnusson’s autobiography *I've Started, So I'll Finish* (1998).[*citation needed*]

## Radio broadcasting

Warr was a broadcaster on BBC Radio Suffolk, whose broadcasts included Saturday football reports, and he made regular appearances on BBC Radio 2's *Jeremy Vine* show. Between 2007 and 2012 Warr hosted *The Warr Zone*, a phone-in radio show. In 2015 he took on the focal role in *On the Warr Path*, a BBC radio programme in which he had to complete a weekly range of challenges set by the producers. To date these have included modern dance, archery, taking part in an assault course, working as a car mechanic and learning to play the guitar.

In mid-January 2020, Warr fronted a new phone-in current affairs discussion programme on BBC Radio Suffolk called *Warr of Words*. He made his final broadcast on 14 February, a week before he died.

## Death

On the morning of 22 February 2020, Warr died of pancreatic and liver cancer.

## That'll Teach 'Em career

### Series 1

In the first series in 2003, Warr served the role as the Latin/French teacher. Warr was the first teacher that the students got on the wrong side of when they refused to follow instructions given by Dr Pidoux and ordered them to be quiet. In episode 2, Warr reprimanded two boys for talking at lunch when they were told to eat in silence after being too loud. Later Warr reprimanded Richard Mylles for his hair gel. In episode 4, Warr was shocked at the number of students who didn't want to translate a french verb and used a test called Dictèe where he read out a french book and they had to copy every word he read out. In episode 5, Warr humiliated Mylles after he wrote an inappropriate apology to Matron and made him do it all over again.

### Series 3

In the third and final series in 2005, Warr served the role as the headmaster and classical civilisation teacher. His overall aura was much louder, tougher and more animated in this particular season, particularly when reprimanding students, and his shock and anger felt more genuine.

During the students' first day, Warr explained that Charles Darwin Grammar School's motto was "only the fittest survive", and explained that the 1950s school will have their classes held by single-gender forms, without the distraction of the opposite sex.

In the first week of term, Warr lectured Luke Mills for his deceit after claiming he'd forgotten to hand in his phone. As a consequence, he gave Mills a 2-hour detention and instructed him to go to bed at 8pm, but caught Mills still out of bed and fully clothed 2 hours later and reprimanded him for his defiance. He later reprimanded James Ingram for his defiant attitude during lights-out the night before and told him that the least he could do was apologise to Mr. Williams. Having failed to stop some girls from using the telephone in the laundry room near the end of the second week, Warr ordered Victoria Buxton to step down from her position as Head Girl.

During the third week of term, Amy Jampa-Ngoen, having been in trouble too much, chose to leave voluntarily. Believing Amy to be a lost cause due to her poor conduct record, Warr flew into arguably his most unexpected and raw tirade, and expressed his anger at Amy for her insubordination and laziness, before giving Amy his explicit *blessing* to leave the school. He later expelled Scott Peters early on in the final week, for persistent misbehaviour and disrespect, as well as refusing to participate in some areas the school curriculum, particularly CCF.

## Quotes

### Series 1

#### **Episode 1**

Doctor *did* say the only people talking were herself and the people behind her. You've flagrantly disregarded what she said, and you've just carried on talking! Is there anybody here who doesn't understand plain English? Please step forward if English is your second language and you're not sure. Therefore, there is no excuse. Please be silent.

Could you keep in line, please? I've asked you already.

* **Warr** (to Nic Hall) Have you been to London Oxford Street. I'm addressing you, have you been to the Oxford Street in London? You've got rather a lot of shopping there.

#### **Episode 2**

Get to the classroom, now, and if you think I'm joking, let's try! Come on, you!

I'M NOT AN INFANT SCHOOL! THIS IS A *SECONDARY* SCHOOL! If you can't control yourselves, something may have been funny to begin with, then of course, once you've been sent out, that is the red-light THAT has finished!

* **Warr:** Right, Myles; gel.
* **Richard Myles:** To uhm, flatten my hair.
* **Warr:** Yeah, I know what gel is for, I know what it's for. What were you doing with it?
* **Richard Myles:** I was keeping it to make sure my hair was --
* **Warr:** Knowing full well, it was in contravention of the rules of the school.
* **richard Myles:** Sir, I did not know it was in contravention of the rules of the school, the fact is we were allowed brylcreem which is also a modern ---
* **Warr:** *(shouts briefly and whips his glasses off) DON'T TELL ME WHAT BRYLCREEM IS; YOU'VE GOT YOUR FACTS WRONG! (stops shouting)* You seem to think you know a lot about everything. There are - I think what you should do occasionally is just step down from your high horse. You don't know the answers to it all. There are people around who've on the earth a little bit longer than you that know a smidgen, a tad, a kernel more than you do. Am I making myself clear?
* **Richard Myles:**Yes Sir, perfectly clear.
* **Warr:**Good, you have one and a half hours detention, off you go.

#### **Episode 3**

* **Mr MacTavish:** (to Simon Warr) Mr Warr, I don't think he should wear the King's school blazer while he's under punishment.
* **Mr Warr:** (to Joe McCready) Take it off please.

#### **Episode 5**

* **Warr:** We're going to correct this, Miles. We'll do it again. So just read it out and I'll tell you what to cross out.
* **Richard Myles:** "I'm writing to apologise..."
* **Warr:** No, I would start at the beginning. Wouldn't you, please?
* **Richard Myles:** *[reads the very beginning]* "My Dearest Matron,"
* **Warr:** Right. Well, you could cross out 'My' and you can cross out the superlative. Do you know about the superlative, Myles?
* **Richard Myles:** Yes, sir. *[continues reading]* "Dear Matron, I'm writing to apologise profusely..."
* **Warr:** Well, you can cross out the adverb. We don't want any "profuse" apologies, we just want an apology which we haven't got yet.
* **Richard Myles:** Okay.
* **Warr:** You're giggling because you're immature, Myles. Can you just get on with it, please?
* **Richard Myles:** "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
* **Warr:** Alright, you can cross out all those, just "I'm sorry" will do.
* **Richard Myles:** "...and as such, I'm metaphorically prostrating myself at your feet."
* **Warr:** The thought of you, "metaphorically" or otherwise really caused Matron to have to lie down. It made her feel sick in the gut, so could you cross all that out, please? We don't need any of that.
* **Richard Myles:** So is that alright, sir?
* **Warr:** I can tell you what, Myles, if this isn't right, I'll have you standing out in the middle of the field- right, standing out, and I'll get you to write the letter out there a few times. You got that?
* **Richard Myles:** Yes.
* **Warr:** I meant it. I'll make you regret it, Myles. Okay? Get on and do it.

### Series 3

#### **Episode 1**

*(during the students' first day)* My name is S.R Warr. I should like to draw your attention to our school motto; "Solum Supersunt Fortissimi", "Only The Fittest Survive". Competition, you will find, is the key word here at Charles Darwin. There will be competition inside the classroom, where you'll be taught in single-sex forms. You will be able to concentrate on the learning process, without any distraction from pupils of the contrary gender.

*(at lunchtime on day two)* For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful. Amen.

* *[after Victoria Buxton gets caught being sent out of the class by Mr. Stanley for wolf-whistling in the middle of a music lesson]*
* **Warr:** Why are you standing outside of the class?
* **Victoria Buxton:** Because I whistled.
* **Warr:** Because you whistled?
* **Victoria Buxton:** Yeah.
* **Warr:** Were you asked to whistle?
* **Victoria Buxton:** No, sir.
* **Warr:** You're being rude, in other words?
* **Victoria Buxton:** I wasn't being rude, I was just showing appreciation. He probably took it the wrong way.
* **Warr:** Well, I shall take further investigation of the circumstances, if I can tell you now; people who get sent out of class in my school, I'm not very happy about it. Do you understand that, don't you?
* **Victoria Buxton:** Yes, sir.
* **Warr:** Right. Over there, please, and face the wall.
* **Victoria Buxton:** Yes, sir.

*(after Brennon Gunston's departure, having only been at the school for two days)* He's had a taste of it. He's dipped his foot in the water, it's too cold for him, and he's running back up the sand.

*(after Victoria Buxton sings the school song in front of Mr. Warr, he is impressed and applauds)* Wow! That was very, very good! It was in tune without a piano, I should speak to Mr. Stanley about your voice. I think we have to get you into the choir.

* **Warr:** I don't think there is a smidgen...an iota...a kernel...of truth in what you've said! Have I made myself clear?
* **Luke Mills:** Absolutely, sir.
* **Warr:** Can I have the truth, please, Mills?
* **Luke Mills:** Yes, sir. When we arrived, I took out my phone in intention to use my mobile phone.
* **Warr:** Thank you, Mills! Thank you VERY much indeed! Good. That's what I wanted to hear. You've basically been dishonest. You will copy out sections from The Venerable Bedes, Ecclesiastical history. Have you read this book?
* **Luke Mills:** No, sir.
* **Warr:** Well, you're about to. On one sheet, write the Latin, and one sheet, write the English.

* **Luke Mills:** *(doing an impression of Mr Warr)* WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT?! IT IS NOT A QUESTION!
* *[Mr Warr enters]*
* **Warr:** I thought you were meant to be in bed. Did you not understand my instructions when I said to you earlier today, after prep, you were to go to bed! Why aren't you in bed?!
* **Luke Mills:** No good reason, really, sir.
* **Warr:** Well, *go to bed!* *(leaves)*
* **Luke Mills:** Oh, I'm screwed.

#### **Episode 2**

* **Warr:** I understand, Ingram, from what the housemaster tells me; you wish to challenge the authority of the running of my school!
* *[Ingram remains silent]*
* **Warr:** EXPLAIN YOURSELF TO ME, INGRAM!
* **James Ingram:** Sir, I had an irrational moment. I would like to leave this school. That's why I had the irrational moment.
* **Warr:** You had an irrational moment - that is your excuse? Ingram, if you continue to behave in such a manner, it will be not your choice to leave this school, it will be *MY* choice, so do not pre-empt me! *[pause]* Could you tell me *exactly* what you said to the housemaster?
* **James Ingram:** That I would like to go for a jog when everyone else wouldn't and I'd like to go for a night-time jog.
* *[pause]*
* **Warr:** You think...Do you think that's clever?
* **James Ingram:** No, sir. I was being honest.
* **Warr:** Oh! Do you want to play a game of cleverness, Ingram? Because if we do, Ingram, I shall beat you, hands down! *[long pause]* My opinion of you couldn't have been higher, prior to this incident...Couldn't have been higher! Stop feeling sorry for yourself; you've stepped out of line, and now the strong thing to do is to not wallow in self-pity, Ingram, but to go to the housemaster at the earliest convenience, and apologise. That's the *least* you can do.
* **James Ingram:** Yes, sir.
* **Warr:** Dismiss.
* **James Ingram:** Yes, sir.
* *[Ingram leaves the room]*

*(after James Ingram has left his office)* Well, Ingram is upset, basically, because Ingram feels he's let himself down. He feels embarrassed, he's acted stupidly, and now he's getting a telling-off. A lot of it's sort of self-centred, hence his comment "I'm saying silly things at times, simply because I want to go home". You see, the immediate reaction from many children today, if they're caught out and they're reprimanded, is that they'll try and bring the whole situation back to themselves; that they, actually are the offended against party, and... that people need to feel sorry for them. The fact that Ingram started blubbing is water off a duck's back to me. The fact is; Ingram *chose* to be rude to the housemaster, and if Ingram is now unhappy about the whole situation, then I'm *pleased* he's unhappy. Then, he may learn something from it.

* **Warr:** *(after Victoria Buxton turns in Ashleigh Walters for the previous night's dorm raid)* Had you got into the boys' dormitory, you would be going, both of you; had you got into that dormitory. Without a *shadow of a doubt*, you'd have been out of the school. I feel it prudent that you should be punished, and then we will wipe the slate clean. *(turns to Victoria)* This particular incident happened before I appointed you as Head Girl. My faith in you as a Head Girl *remains*, because I do not believe you will repeat such an error of judgement. *(turns back to address them both)* My decision is that at 3:30 today, you will be sent to a part of this school and you will clean, and you will carry on cleaning 'til I am satisfied that that particular job is done. Do you understand?
* **Victoria and Ashleigh:** Yes, Sir.

#### **Episode 3**

* **Warr:** Yesterday, it was brought to my attention that there was an incident involving access to a telephone...by some girls, and I would've thought, fortunately for me; i.e. the school, that you were there. It was your job to say to them; "We can't". Not only did you not stop them, but I understand that *you, yourself* used the telephone. Is that correct?
* **Victoria Buxton:** Yes, Sir.
* **Warr:** For that breach of trust, you, of course, can no longer carry on as Head Girl at this school. You have manacled my hands. You have left me with *no alternative*. So, if you just put your badge on there, please.
* *[Victoria does so]*

*(after Victoria Buxton has been demoted from her "Head Girl" position)* When I appointed Victoria, I knew it wasn't a safe bet. But, I felt Victoria had leadership qualities, and more often than not, when you offer a position of responsibility, generally, they succeed. Unfortunately, in this particular case, the role was just to big for her.

* *[pre-made scene for the following episode]*: I am NOT going to stand for insolence to my staff!

#### **Episode 4**

We have a very...firm rule in this school called the 'Six-Inch' rule, which means that boys and girls are not allowed to go within six inches of each other.

* **Warr:** *(calmly)* I understand you wish to leave the school?
* **Amy Jampa-Ngoen:** Yes, sir.
* **Warr:** *(shouts)* Well, PROBABLY JUST AS WELL! I am *VERY* angry with you; I have found you to be an insolent girl! Your performance with Dr. Szydlo was unacceptable! **YOU HAVE FAILED-TO REACH THE STANDARDS-THAT I HAVE SET IN THIS SCHOOL!** And if you wish to leave my school, Amy, you may do so with my **BLESSING!** Do you understand?!
* **Amy Jampa-Ngoen:** Yes, sir.
* **Warr:** *(shouts again)* ***LEAVE MY STUDY, AND LEAVE THE SCHOOL!!!***
* *[Amy does so]*

*(after Amy has thrown in the towel)* She just proved herself to be a very weak, self-obsessed girl of...little value to this school. Things have changed remarkably since the 1950s. In 2005, that sort of behaviour is pretty much accepted. There's very little teachers can do, and so children are getting away with more, and more and more.

* **Warr:** Stand in front of me, please, Peters. You've completed 24 hours in isolation. Whether or not you found that arduous, I don’t know. But I'm telling you now, fairly and squarely, that this is the last time you will be standing in front of me on a disciplinary issue, because the next time it happens, I will be telling you to pack your bags and to leave this school, and you will leave in disgrace. You will go back into the school now, and from now on, I will be expecting you to adjoin to school life in a positive, earnest manner, and to take a full, and active part in every area of the curriculum. Is that understood, Peters?
* **Scott Peters:** Yes, sir.
* **Warr:** Leave the room, please.
* *[Peters does so]*

#### **Episode 5**

* *[in a flashback style scene of Ashleigh Walters getting in trouble]*
* **Warr:** *[shouts]* STAND THERE!
* *[Ashleigh walks over but not quite close enough to where Warr wants her to stand]*
* **Narrator:** It's not the first time Ashleigh's been in trouble for misbehaving.
* **Warr:** *[shouts again and points to where Ashleigh should be standing]* **STAND** ***THERE!*** I am *NOT* prepared to be disobeyed! Do you understand what I'm saying?!
* **Ashleigh Walters:** Yes, sir.

*(in morning assembly three days before the end of term)* If you think, because we are now in the final hope straight of this term, that there is going to be a policy change from myself and from my staff with regards to disciplinary issues, I can assure you there is absolutely *no* change, so be warned.

*(to Scott Peters, after malingering in CCF again earlier)* Stand in front of me, Peters. On the 13th of August, Peters, you were rude to Dr. Wilde. I warned you of the consequences on that particular occasion of a repeat performance. This morning, we've had a problem once again with CCF, about which I've spoken to you. Once again, you were argumentative, and, more importantly, once again, you have been *insolent*! We've now reached the end of the line. I warned you; I made it very clear that if you were to step in front of me on a disciplinary matter again, that would be the end of your time here, and it ***IS*** the end of your time here! You are expelled from Charles Darwin Grammar School, forthwith! Leave my study, please. Mr. Williams, would you collect this boy?

*(after Peters has been expelled)* Peters didn't like doing anything that he wasn't absolutely sure he was going to succeed in. He caused trouble, he tried to get out of things, and I'm afraid he wasn't up to the standards required here.

* **Warr:** *(at lunchtime after Peters' expulsion)* For what we have received, may the Lord make us truly thankful. Amen.
* **All staff and students:** Amen.
* **Warr:** I have one announcement to make. Uhm...For persistent...bad behaviour, and for an instance of insolence to a member of staff, this morning, I expelled...Peters. He's no longer a pupil at this school. I give it to you for a point of information.