Puppet Club the Movie (Rohr cut)

Puppet Club: The Movie is a cancelled Puppet Club skit. It was the most ambitious skit to date, but was cancelled when the primary director, Gabriel, moved away. This is separate from the current Puppet Club movie set to release some time in February 2024.

## Plot

The plot was not meant to be released, but a leaked draft was sent here. The plot would've involved Monkey and Juan Arbuckle as police officers, where Monkey was close to termination. Juan Arbuckle gave him 24 hours to solve the missing case of Jeff, so Monkey has to go on an elaborate trip to save his friend, and to save the King from turning every Puppet into a human.

## Characters

The leak also provided a full cast, consisting of:

Aaron: red, demon, Matt Damon

Andreas: Jon Arbiunkle, bookworm, custodian

Duncan: squawks, hedgey

Fred: Bushy Mustache

Gabe R.: Monkey’s face, todd/the king, Tribal chant man,

Gabe S.: Jeff, pig

Mr. Murtha: Mr. Murtha

samson: Juan Arbuckle, Jamaican banana

Shreyas: Mrbeast, Monkey’s hands, Homer

Wolfgang: Spamton

Rohan: mighty eagle

Writing by Gabriel Rohr

Additional Writing Help from Andreas, Aaron, Wolfgang, and Liz R

Directed by Gabriel Rohr

Executive Producer: Mr. Murtha

Cinematography by Wolfgang Drake

Music by ??

Spamton Theme by Wolfgang Drake

## Leaked Video

Alongside the leaked cast, a Google Drive can be found with several videos, including a draft of the first scene.

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1-I9QLzVQqLDz64DKyu3Zy-3yecc7-EE7?usp=drive\_link

## Trivia

* Matt Damon was going to sacrifice himself at the end.
* Some aspects of the script have been re-used for future skits
* Wolfgang renamed Spamton to Spang Tonned for the movie to try and differentiate spamton from deltarune. it didn't work.
* King's real name was revealed to be Todd.
* Because of how Monkey was at the time during lost media skits, Monkey was depicted as a CIA agent working under Juan arbuckle.
* the idea of finding jeff was based on a true event where the jeff puppet was lost. thankfully, before the script was finished, jeff was found.
* Spamton and Mighty eagle's roles were swapped at the last minute, so a lot of mighty eagle's dialogue is in spamton's signature glitchy voice.

## Script

Alongside recorded clips from the movie, the entire script was also provided.

Puppet Club: the Movie

(Working title)

CONFIDENTIAL

NOT FOR PUBLIC VIEW

Property of JMurtha show LLC

Cast:

The movie starts with landscape shots of the city (B-roll shot) The movie takes place in New Jork city. The sequence ends in the FBI office that Monkey, also known as D. Martello works at.

Monkey sits down at his desk, and his phone rings.

Monkey: Hello, this is officer martallo.

Juan: meet me in my office.

Monkey walks down to Juan's office.

Juan: Take a seat. I have something to discuss.

Monkey: y- yes sir?

Juan: Banana, roll the clip.

The banana pulls up security camera footage of him fighting with Steve (or is it tommy?) in a McDonalds play place over a Sonic the hedgehog toy.

Monkey (on the footage): let go , steve! I want the boy’s toy!

Steve: noooooooooo!! My name’s tommy!

Juan pauses the tape.

Juan: You know what this means?

Monkey: maybe…

Juan: we’re gonna have to let you go.

Monkey: Wait wait wait, you can’t do this to me! Do you have any idea how much I’ve sacrificed?

Juan: Nah.

monkey: But why? That was only a minor slip up! I've never done anything else bad for the police, right?

Juan: Well, to start the list, you slapped some kid at a Mcdonalds play place over a sonic the hedgehog toy, you did the gangnam style without a permit, you said the angry birds movie was mid, you pirated the home holiday special… and that's only to name a few.

monkey: ok ok! But the home one was justified! I ain’t spending 30 bucks a month on netflix just for a holiday special.

Juan: Was it now?

Monkey: Whatever! Please just give me a second chance!

Juan: more like fifteenth.

banana: no, it's actually the thirteenth time. I counted!

Juan: nerd.

Monkey: Can I please just have a second chance?

Juan: Fine. you have until 12 o'clock tonight to solve a case on your own, and if you fail, you're outta here.

Monkey: Thank you! I’ll make you proud.

Juan: You won’t.

Monkey runs off confidently while Juan ponders his life choices that led him to this place.

SCENE 2: MEETING PIG

After monkey leaves his office, he is met by pig screaming for help from anyone he can find.

Pig: Help!

monkey: What is it?

Pig: You're a cop right? Well, I need some help.

Monkey: Heck yeah I'm a cop, What do you need?

Pig: My good friend, Jeff… Hes… Hes… HES…

Monkey: Oh no, this is serious!

Pig: Hes… Hes… Hes….

Monkey: I’m waiting…

Pig: he’s…. He‘s…. He’s….

Monkey: SPIT IT OUT!

Pig: HE'S MISSING!! WAHHHHH HAHHH HAHH HAH!!

Pig goes to leave

monkey: Wait, can I get a name?

Pig: I have many names, but in my native tongue: (proceeds to scream like a banshee) Jr.

Monkey: And the guy I’m looking for is?

Pig: HIS NAME A JEFF!!

Pig hands him a photo

monkey: Looks like I've got a case tuh crack. Monkey: What?

Jon: You know, a stamp.

Monkey: Like a postage stamp?

SCENE 3: MEETING JON/LIBRARY

Jon: Hey, you got a stamp?

Monkey: like a postage stamp?

Jon: No, like the ones with the cartoons on them.

(Jon is fairly dumb btw)

Monkey: Uhh, no. But do you by chance have any info on this missing person case?

Monkey Pulls out the photo

Blue guy? Frazzled hair?

Jon: AAHHH!! YOU KNOW ABOUT RACHEL!!!!!!

Monkey: No, no no no! His name a Jeff!

Jon slowly turns his head towards monkey

Monkey: i-if you get anything let me know then

Jon: Wait wait wait!! I think I might know a guy…

Monkey: Oh, that’s great! So uhh, can you take me there?

Jon: MONTAGE TIIIIME

They turn around the block and they are already there

Jon: aww

Monkey: Why, you're a genius! The library is full of smart people! At least one of them has a good lead!

Jon: This guy sure is! He's the smallest guy I know!

Monkey: Well that’s good to hear. Wait, did you say smallest?

Jon: follow meeeeeee

Jon spins through the library and Monkey follows a few feet away

Jon: This guy taught me how to read.

Bookworm turns around slowly making sounds trying to                        sound dramatic.

Bookworm: I DIDN’T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!

Jon: Oh… no he didn’t do it.

Monkey: So, you know stuff about this missing person case, aye?

Bookworm: WHO? WHAT? WHERE? WHEN? OTHER QUESTION WORDS?

Jon: You just missed why and how.

Bookworm I HATE HOW! WHY IS IT A HUH INSTEAD OF WUH?!?!

Jon: Because if how was a wuh it would spell WOW

* cymbal crash\*

Monkey: Look man, I just want to know if you recognize this goober here named a Jeff.

Monkey holds up his picture of Jeff

Bookworm: OH YEAH! HE BOUGHT MY TOTALLY LEGAL BOOKS! Wait… you’re a cop?

Monkey: Well, yes and no, but mainly no. That's not really info you need to know.

Bookworm: OK THEN! I CAN SPILL THE BEANZ!! Jeff beanos is in SPAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monkey: Look man, this is serious. This man’s life (and my job) are on the line!

Bookworm: SERIOUS sounds FRENCH. I DON'T LIKE IT.

Monkey: this guy’s a nut job.

Bookworm (in grim and spooky voice) Wait.

Monkey: What do you want now?

Bookworm: (to the tune of surfin’ bird) ma ma ma ma mama mow mow ma ma, mow ma mow. Well don’t you know about the missing person case? Well everybody knows about the missing person case!

Jon joins in on the singing…

Jon: YEAH miss-ing, person case!

Monkey: SHUT THE [parental guidance advised] UP YOU SILLY GEESE! I didn't ask for a whole song and dance routine, I just need the scoop on this guy!

Bookworm: Well, I was getting to that part. I don't actually know him.

Monkey: You're kidding me.

Bookworm: But I know someone who knows!

Monkey: Great! This case is dissolving into a wild goose chase over a bunch of brain-dead morons! What a great way to start!

Bookworm: I KNOW, RIGHT? THE GUY I KNOW IS A GOOSE TOO!

Monkey: Alright, I’ll bite. But if this next guy makes me go somewhere else I’m finding a different lead. You, Jon, I like you. You're coming with me.

Jon: Yaaaaaaaaay!!

Bookworm: And me too?

Monkey: no.

Jon: Let’s goooo!!

SCENE 4: CONSTRUCTION SITE

After a snazzy screen transition, the duo find themselves at a construction site to meet squawks and hedgey, who they were told know about jeff. They are the first useful people who actually progress the plot.

Monkey: oh. So uh.. where's this goose exactly?

Jon: Up there!

They look up towards squawks and hedgey sitting atop a construction beam

Monkey: That's a very colorful goose you have there.

Squawks: did you just assume my species?

Monkey: no, no! Not at all! I’m so sorry mr not-goose

Squawks: there you go again! Can’t even recognize my species!

Hedgey: maybe you should just forgive and forget and move on?

Squawks: hedgey, you simple little bush swine. I’ve been on this plane of reality for 562 years and in not a single one have I just “forgive and forget”.

Hedgey: ok then mr goose.

Squawks: WHY YOU LITTLE-

Jon shouts up to them interrupting squawks, while hedgey snickers at him.

Jon: HEY! YOU TWO! QUIT FIGHTING WE NEED ANOTHER INFO!

Squawks: fine. What do you want?

Monkey: Well, I’m on a case to find a missing person. \*pulls up a photo\* blue guy, frazzled hair, his name a Jeff? I was told you know him?

Squawks: hey, I know that guy! I see him at the casino all the time!

Jon: yay! Gambling!

Monkey: have you seen him there recently?

Squawks: no.

Monkey: we better head there and make sure. Maybe someone else there knows something about what happened.

Jon: montage time?

Jon starts playing montage music when they turn around and immediately see the casino

Jon: DOSH GARNIT NOT AGAIN!

SCENE 4: THE CASINO

The group, now with squawks and hedgey in tow, enter the casino. They are greeted with flashing lights, lots of background cameos, and loud music. Jon leaves the group in the background.

Horse walks up to the bar

Mighty Eagle: Why the long face?

Horse:  aww….

Monkey: so, squawks, did anyone else hang out here with Jeff?

Squawks: yeah, there’s this guy called bushy mustache. Gotta pirate costume, big bushy mustache, hard to miss.

Monkey: I wonder why they call him bushy mustache?

Hedgey: i think it’s because of his bushy mustache, but I’m not to sure

Squawks: maybe, probably not. That would be silly.

Monkey walks over towards bushy mustache, who is playing go fish with Mr Murtha .

Bushy Mustache: Hey, parrot guy!

Squawks: see, he can recognize what I am!

Hedgey: don’t be mean, squawks.

Squawks: don’t tell me what to do!

Monkey: hey, bushy mustache, you know this guy?

Pulls up photo

Bushy mustache: is that Jeff?

Monkey: yeah, you know where he is?

Bushy mustache: wish I did, that guy owes me money!

Monkey: Can you tell me more about his disappearance?

Bushy mustache: For a price.(pause for a few seconds)Alright,you threatened enough I’ll tell you all I know. I recommend you sit down.

Squawks: this is getting good!

The three sit down.

Bushy mustache: …

Bushy mustache tries to remember, but all that is heard is fax machine noises.

Monkey: seriously?

Hedgey: very wise.

Squawks: if Confucius was alive he’d be really jealous right now.

Bushy Mustache: Bushy Mustache says wise men never play leapfrog with a unicorn. I learn from experience.

Cut to Jon looking at red sitting at the bar

Red: what are you lookin’ at, punk?

Jon (terrified): the guy behind you.

Red: him?

Jon and red look at demon

Red: you best not be messing with us. We’re wanted men.

Jon: I want men too!

Red: I have 16 banned alternate accounts on Twitter. My buddy here has 17.

Bushy Mustache: What’s Twitter?

Mighty Eagle: I sure do love unnecessary Violence! It makes my job more fun !

Jon lowers in his seat as he wallows in fear.

Demon moves closer, slowly putting up his fists.

Unseen presence: MATT DAMON!

The entire casino falls silent and demon drops his head piece. Matt Damon slowly enters out of the shadows. All of Matt Damon’s dialogue is in his Matt Damon language, so Babbling the words Matt Damon over and over again, but with subtitles So the audience can understand.

Matt Damon: you best not be messing with him.

Matt Damon pushes demon off of his feet and he scrambles away.

Matt Damon takes a seat beside John.

Matt Damon: You okay little guy?

Jon: I don’t know

Matt Damon: oh, you’ll be alright. Sit up, will yah? Hey, bartender, hit me up with one of your famous apple juices. On the rocks.

The bartender is Mighty Eagle. He nods his head in fear and prepares the apple juice.

Jon: so, uh, you wouldn’t happen to know about some guy named Jeff, would you?

Mighty Eagle jumps up and down in the background

Mighty Eagle: HEY! OVER HERE! I KNOW HIM!

Matt Damon: the blue guy?

Jon nods

Matt Damon: Who do you work for?

Jon points to monkey

Mighty Eagle:  HEY! ARE YOU [forgor 💀] ABOUT ME????

Matt Damon: you! over here. There’s something I have to tell you.

Mighty Eagle: ME???? FINALLY!!! [It’s about time baby!]

Mighty Eagle goes to sit next to jon. Monkey, squawks and hedgey all sit down on him, squishing Mighty Eagle out of his seat.

Matt Damon: so, you’re looking for Jeff, aye?

They all slowly nod

Matt: Well, you’re in for a lot more than you bargained for. I’ve been trying to find Jeff since ‘70.

```
The group looks at him confused. Matt Damon leans forward towards them.

```

Matt: 1570.

Jon: wait but Jeff went missing yesterday-

Monkey elbows him. He looks at him and then to Matt Damon and back again.

Matt: ah, well I haven’t exactly been looking for Jeff, but rather his captor.

The group looks perplexed.

Matt: day after day, year after year I have been pondering. I have foreseen that this will happen. A group of young heroes, like you, will vanquish a familiar evil.

Bushy Mustache: Like Gen Z did with Facebook!

Squawks: I’m really confused, am I the only one who isn’t hearing him right?

Monkey: Tell me, if you can see the future, where is Jeff?

Mighty Eagle (in an injured voice): IF YOU CAN SEE THE FUTURE, WHAT ARE MY MEDICAL BILLs GONNA BE???

Matt: I can sense Jeff's presence. He is past the bridge of death,

Squawks: seriously, is it just me?

Matt Damon: you must sail the seven seas, you must scale the tallest peaks-

Jon: Can you cut the fancy talk and just tell us where he is?

Matt: Are you sure? I wrote a whole paragraph just for this moment-

Monkey: look man I’m on a bit of a tight schedule here and would like it if you just told us where he is.

Hedgey: I mean I kinda wanted to hear the rest of it…

Mighty Eagle: trust me, you didn’t.

Matt: Alright, fine! The address is 92 Castle Hill in New Brunswick.

Bushy mustache: oh, thank goodness! I was expecting some random place in the middle of the woods.Don’t want that to happen again.

Monkey: Wait, you’re coming, too?

Bushy mustache: well don’t you need someone to sail the seven seas like he said?

Monkey: good point.

Bushy Mustache: Jeff also owes me two crayons, a book on NFT’s for dummies and 23 bucks and 48 cents.

Mighty Eagle: HEY HEY EVERYBODY! It’s Mighty Eagle!

Mighty Eagle swoops in from nowhere

Monkey: What are you supposed to bring to this group?

Mighty Eagle: MARKETING whispering(Pyramid scheme)!

Squawks: It’s always good to have more man power! That means one more person to heroically sacrifice their life other than me!

Jon: Wait a second…

Everyone looks at Jon

Monkey: yes Jon?

Jon: big gasp MONTAGE TIME!!!!!

SCENE 5: THE EPIC MONTAGE SCENE

Silly music starts playing as the group walks through various iconic locations.

They walk past the bridge of death.

Squawks: Oh! I can’t let you guys cross without asking you a question! What’s your name?

The camera zooms  into Jon's ear like in Bruce neutron.  Bookworm is in his head instead of a brain.

Bookworm: jeff beanos is in spaaace!!!1

Jon: I know the answer to this question!  Jef beanos!

Jon gets flung into the air  and is seen in a cast for the following images.

They walk past the google page for the scientific name for pig.

Mighty Eagle: SUSPICIONS!!!

SCENE 6: ARRIVING AT THE CASTLE

The group arrives at the daunting , petrifying, spooky, grim, scary, maniacal, malicious, frightening, intimidating, life threatening, castle.

Squawks: alright, I’m out.

Mighty Eagle: I’D RATHER BE [a featherless monkey]

Everyone stands silent and still

Mighty Eagle looks at monkey

Mighty Eagle: I'M SORRY, S N O W F L A K E S !! IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU Angels CAN'T TAKE A Joe many liberals does it take to change a log by bulb?

Squawks: alright, I'm still out.

Bushy Mustache: Think about the two crayons, a book of NFT’s and 23 dollars and 48 cents!

Monkey: Wait, you can’t leave now! The castle‘s right there- Jeff is right there you can’t just abandon your friend like that!

Squawks: first off, I don’t actually remember saying he was my friend,

Monkey frowns

and secondly that castle looks like it’s filled with death-traps of every kind. I’m not going in there.

Hedgey: I thought you liked death traps?

Squawks: yeah, but not when I’m the one getting trapped.

Jon: Can I give a motivational speech to get everyone back on track, like they do in the movies?

Monkey: Jon, we just did the montage. I don't think we need another overused movie trope.

Jon: Listen up everybody!

Monkey: ah, here we go again.

Jon: I have a big important and inspirational speech for you all!

Mighty Eagle: THE ONLY INSPIRATION I NEED IS A RIDE BACK HOME!

Squawks: hush, you! I’m the pessimist here, not you!

Mighty Eagle: MY bad guys.

Hedgey: hey, squawks, don’t be like that! We can all be pessimistic if we want to.

Monkey:I would prefer it if we weren’t pessimistic, actually.

Hedgey(in a whisper): me too but I just want him to feel included.

(Bushy Mustache Leaves to go the Bathroom)

Jon: hey! Are you all just gonna ignore my very inspiring and inspirational speech?!

Mighty Eagle: YES.

squawks: inspiring and inspirational mean the exact same thing

Jon: ok here’s my speech:

Jon takes a very deep breath

Jon: Fellow guys we ran into in the past one hour, there is a guy named a Jeff locked in this castle. He is hopeless, just like all our hireability. But he’s not going to save himself. YALL WANNA KNOW WHY???!?!? Cause he’s waiting for a friend to rescue him. And if there is one overused movie trope that I know can’t fail: IT’S THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP!

Mighty Eagle (off screen): who said we’re friends? We’re just some guys you know.

```
THE POWER OF SOME-GUY-YOU KNOW-SHIP! So I know it may sound cliche when I say this, but.. His name a JEFF!

```

There is an awkward silence among the group

Squawks: that seemed vaguely unnecessary.

Jon: Yeah, what did you think?

Squawks:I don't really know how to argue with such a speech. I guess I'll Go in then.

Jon: hooray!

Hedgey: that works

Bushy mustache: (comes back from the bathroom) I was in the poo room.What’d I miss?

SCENE 7

The group enter the castle and find out that it is seemingly a completely empty wearhouse on the inside

Hedgey: So where do you think they keep all the death traps?

Squawks: that’s the thing about death traps. You never know where they keep all the death traps.

Bushy mustache: so for all we know, This entire castle is a death trap!!!

As soon as he says this, they are all caught into a net

Monkey: you just had to say it.

Jon: for all we know I am going to be given a million dollars! … no? Ok I guess it doesn’t work like that

A strange machine slowly pulls The net upwards into a second floor, one where the true intentions behind the castle are revealed.

Massive test tubes and machinery are visible in the room.

Jon: So this is it, huh? This is the end of Jon Arbiunkle? Gone at the hands of death traps?

The net suddenly breaks free, releasing all of its captors.

Jon: Hey, it worked this time! But in reverse… I think I might have lost a million dollars.

Disembodied voice: welcome! To my humble abode!

Spang: AND MINE! MINE TOO! HEY EVERY, IT'S ME, SP-

(The voice shushes Spang until he shuts up)

Hedgey: hello!

Squawks: hush!

Monkey: guys!

Disembodied voice: I understand that you have many questions, most of which will be answered very shortly.

Spang: I DO NOT HAVE EVEN ONE [Twenty Questions]

Disembodied voice: I wasn't talking to you!

Jon: Where's Jeff?!

Disembodied voice: ever take a writing class? You should know the one rule of a good story is show not tell, and I think I’ve got the best story for you! Spang, show ‘em!

A spotlight suddenly flashes, revealing Jeff lying in a hospital bed.

All: Jeff!

Mighty Eagle: I KNEW IT, I QUACKED THE CASE!

They all run towards him.

Jeff: uuuhh.. pig? Is that you?

Bushy Mustache: You wish.

Hegdey: shhh, shhh, it’s all gonna be alright we’re here now, you’re safe now.

Jeff: uhh.. who are you?

Disembodied voice: I’m afraid your little blue friend is out of order for now. please check back another time.

(Spang is heard laughing, I'll do some stuff with editing so it sounds incredibly unnatural)

Monkey: who are you and who do you think you are?

Mighty Eagle: Mighty Eag-

Monkey: not you, him!

Disembodied voice: my friends, they call me.. well they don’t actually call me. (Spang is heard in the background, yelling about how he's his friend) But if they did call me, they would call me Gilgamesh. But, someone else already has that name so you can call me Todd. The Destroyer. Don’t forget to add “The Destroyer”.

Jon: Show yourself, Todd!

Todd the destroyer: THE DESTROYER!

Jon: (quietly) the decomposer…

Todd and Spang enter the scene

Monkey: But why did you do this?

Squawks: and do you have any tips for being evil?

Hedgey: you hush!

Todd the destroyer: why, I think I can answer both of those questions. Have you ever tried stealing candy from babies?

Squawks: oh yeah. Big time candy stealer right here.

Jon slaps him

Squawks: ow.

Todd the destroyer: well, my intentions are simple. I just want to make life better for all my fellow puppets.

Spang: NOW [Me, personally], I'M ONLY IN IT FOR THES [Candy]

Monkey: puppets? What is that supposed to mean you're a human!

Todd the destroyer: Ah, you see my little primate friend, I was once a puppet, before I realized the fragility and unsustainably of being a puppet. Being filled with stuffing instead of bone, a hand up your rear at all times, Having no legs…

Camera pans to Jon’s lack of legs.

Jon: It's natural!

Todd the destroyer: sure it is.

Bushy Mustache:He’s Kinda right though. It’s so annoying having only one hand.

Todd the destroyer: That’s just you. But physical incapabilities are not the point. You see, when was the last time you saw a puppet outside of your quaint little town?

Squawks: Well there’s Mike the handyman. He lives in Philly.

Spang: OH YEAH, THAT GUY. MIKE… MIKE Gave exceptional service and care

Todd the destroyer: when was the last time you saw a puppet outside of your quaint little town other than Mike the handyman?

Squawks: well there's his brother

Todd the destroyer: other than Mike's brother…

Squawks: his mom-

Todd the destroyer: ENOUGH ABOUT MIKE THE HANDYMAN!

Jon: I’m bored.

Spang:I DO NOT GIVE EVEN ONE Milligram of CARE, YOU WILL STAY AWAKE OR I WILL- (his audio gets cut off as he starts rambling, the camera panning to Todd)

Todd the destroyer: come on you guys, I've been waiting for this. I wrote a whole page on my blog about how excited I was. it really hurts, you know.

Hedgey: I'm sorry, Mr Evil Todd guy. Please continue.

Jon: didn’t this same thing happen with the matt damon guy?

Squawks: maybe it’s foreshadowing?

Spang: THERE WILL BE NO [Literary Analysis] EN ESTA PELÍCULA. THIS IS THE FUNNY PUPPET MOVIE.

Todd the destroyer: WILL YOU JUST BE QUIET ALREADY!

Bushy Mustache:He did it!!!

Todd the destroyer: thank you. As I was saying, no one cares about puppets anymore. Not even the Muppets-

Spang: [Registered Trademark!]

Todd the Destroyer: -are getting much attention anymore. So, to keep you all relevant, I have created a machine.

The super evil super machine is revealed.

Todd: viola! I call it the Super Evil Super Machine!

Spang: I NAMED IT MYSELF

Jon: That sounds dumb, like you!

Todd: oh you’re never gonna wake up again when I'm done with you!

Jeff: please… jon.. Don’t test him.

Jon: What is the wingspan of a bee?

Todd Sighs aggressively

Jeff: European or african?

Jon: huh?

Todd: Hey Jeff, you seem pretty vocal, why not you be our demo?

Spang: YES I THINK YOU SHOULD [[Shut your trap]

Jeff: please no…

Hedgey: don’t hurt him!

Todd: oh, don't worry little hedgehog. It'll only be a little pinch.

The group and Jeff watch in horror as Todd mounts the laser end of the machine at jeff. Spang has another terribly unnatural laugh.

Jeff: So this is the end…

Todd: ah, simple Jeff, what a caterpillar calls the end, the world calls a butterfly.

On the word butterfly, todd pushes the big red button labeled big red button

Spang (off-screen): OH I LOVE THAT MOVIE!!

A cinematic laser is fired directly into jeff, and the camera shows the horrified looks of the group while jeffs screams pierce their ears

Bushy mustache: no! How am I gonna get my money back?

The light settles down revealing what happened to jeff. He has now turned into a human, played by Gabe Scott.

Monkey: this is horrible!

Squawks: I love it!

Mighty Eagle: HEY EVERYBODY! GUESS WHO'S B-oh what crackerbarrel is that

Monkey: Who are you again?

Todd the destroyer: but this is only the beginning. I am going to take this machine, and transform every single puppet into the superior being, the human!

Spang: EXCEPT ME, I GOT Special Privilege

Jon: no you won't

Todd: yes, i will

Jon: no, you won’t

Todd: Yes, I will!

Mighty Eagle: YOU WON’T BECAUSE YOU CANNOT HUMANIZE ME, FOR I AM MIGHTY EAGLE!!!!

Jon: we’re gonna stop you cause this is a family movie, and things always work out for the best in family movies!

Todd: Is it now?

Todd pulls up a poster for this exact movie and shows the rating PG-13

Spang: WAIT I CANNOT WATCH THE MOVIE

Bushy Mustache: STUPID [parental guidance advised] CRITICS!

Todd: As I was saying, no, you won't stop me. And I am going to make sure of it.

Todd pushes a button that drops a trap on the group.

Todd: I'll be out here, changing the world, and you all can watch.

Jon: you are dumb

Spang: YOU ARE [Aquamarine] (said really awkwardly)

Todd: you’re the one in a death trap

Jon blows raspberries at todd

Todd: Well, since you are all about to die, I might as well tell you all my little secret. In this world, its either drip,

Upon saying drip, Todd puts on his crown.

Todd: or drown! And bruthah, I’m swimmin’! Ciao!

Spang: TIME TO DRINK THE Drip Reactor

A reprise of Matt Damon's theme starts playing but in minor key and a faster tempo. Now revealed that Todd is the king, he jumps onto his laser machine and exits into the city.

Bushy mustache: what do we do now?

Mighty Eagle: IF I HAD EMOTIONS, THEY WOULD ALL BE [LOUD?boastfulnegative]

Hedgey starts crying

Squawks: no, no, no hedgey don't cry! We’ll make it out of this I'm sure! You can't cry! Because when you cry, sniffle\* I cry.

Jon: WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!

Monkey: no don't say that!

Jon: WE’RE NEVER GONNA ESCAPE!

As jon says this, he slowly undoes the trap

Squawks: wait, what are you doing?

Jon: TODD THE KING GUY IS GONNA TURN EVERYONE INTO HUMANS!

Monkey: no jon! Stop being so negative! That is an order!

Jon stands outside of the trap

Jon: I'm not being negative, don't you know it works in reverse for me?

Bushy mustache: oh, you sly dog!

Jon: I’m a dog?

Suddenly everyone starts undoing the traps. Squawks undoes hedgey’s trap before starting on his own.

Hedgey: yipee!

Mighty Eagle: [angry bird noises]

Monkey: Alright guys, let's go stop him!

Hedgey:, come with us! I'm sure the king has an antidote!

Jeff: Let's do this!

Jon: Alright, that's what I'm talkin’ about! I'm Done with the rising action. Let's get to the climax!

A wall behind him collapses.

Custodian: aw the 4th wall!

Jon: Honestly I would have thought that would have happened sooner.

The group heads out of the castle through the same exit the king went.

SCENE 8 ⅓ : THE CLIMAX

The king is driving around with his laser zapping people. Various memorable characters are seen.

squawks: you guys go stop the king, me hedgey and jeff will go find pig.

Monkey: sounds like a plan!

The camera cuts back to the king

King (on a massive monitor screen): Good evening rosa raptors! I’m sure you all may be wondering ‘what's the deal with the giant despicable super laser?’ Well, have you ever not wanted to be a puppet?

All puppets in unison: no!

King: Too bad.

King starts lasering everyone and they all scream.

Juan Arbuckle: banana, run for your life!

Banana: banana banan abnana!

banana gets zapped and turns into a regular banana.

juan:NOOOOOOOOOO-

Juan gets zapped and turns into samson.

Juan: -OOOOOO!!!!!

The king pulls the laser directly up to tribal chant man

Tribal chant man: Pick me! Pick me! Laser me!

The king moves the laser away from him.

Tribal chant man: aww…

The king goes after the giant rat who makes all the rules and ratatoing

The giant rat who makes all the rules: You can’t laser me! I’m the giant rat who makes all the rules!

He gets lasered and turns into a real rat

Ratatoing: Oh no!

Ratatoing gets lasered and turns into remy from ratatouille

Ratatoing: no! I’m not remy the ratatouille!

MrBeast: I’m MisterBeast!

The laser shoots him and he turns into green screen mrbeast

Tommy walks out of a store with a button that says ‘hello, my name is tommy.’

Tommy: Finally! Now people will get my name right.

He gets lasered, turns into isaac, and his sticker changes to say ‘hello, my name is steve’

Tommy: WHY CRUEL WORLD?!

The camera cuts to pig, while human Jeff, squawks and hedgey run up to him.

Pig: Squawks! Hedgey! AAAH WHAT THE [parental guidance advised] IS THAT THING!?!?

Jeff: It’s just me, jeff!

Pig: MY WHOLE LIFE I HAVE NEVER KNOWN THE FEAR I IMPOSE UNTIL NOW!!

Jeff grabs pig

Jeff: CALM YOUR BACON IT’S JUST ME!

Pig: Jeff?

Jeff: YES!

Pig: This is the first time I've ever felt happiness… I’m on a whirlpool of emotion… You have finally grown up into an unfathomable monster like me…

Hedgey: Hey, look over there!

The group turns to see mr murtha (as a human) get zapped by the laser and turns into mr murtha puppet.

Mr Murtha: Wait, I’m not a puppet! Have mercy!

* ZAP\*

Mr Murtha(now a puppet): YAAAAAY!

Hedge: That’s given ol’ Hedgy an idea!

Squawks: So if we shoot a human with the laser, they turn back into puppets?

Jeff: I guess so.

Hedgey: I guess it’s time to be a hero!

Pig: But I wanna be the villain…

Squawks: same here bud.

Jeff: Come on, let’s go back and tell the others.

SCENE 8 ⅔ : SNEAKING AROUND

The scene cuts back to monkey, jon, mustache, and Mighty Eagle sneaking around the castle to find a power source (and a cracker).

They all walk past various contraptions, including but not limited to:

Mr. Beachemin frozen in carbonite

Mighty Eagle: IS THAT, IT CAN’T BE

Mighty Eagle face turns into the Mr. Beast face

[MRBEEEEEEEEAST]??

The bowl from kitchen

Jon: didn’t know the bad guy was into cooking

A jamaican banana

Monkey: poor thing..

A demon with a fish tail, a piece of foam and a weird eye

Demon: hello

Bushy mustache: sup.

The scroll of a thousand truths

Monkey: Wait, go back a bit!

The group walk back to mr Beachemin \*mrbeast sound\*

Monkey: not that far!

The group walk more, up to the demon

Monkey: Stop!

Demon: heloo.

Bushy Mustache: Hi again.

Monkey: Do you work for the king?

Weird demon: yes. I don't get paid.

Jon: Just like at amazon!

Monkey: is there a way to shut down the power to his machine?

Weird demon: Yes. Follow me.

Jon: That was easy.

The weird demon leads them to the 2 drips reactor.

Mighty Eagle: OH. MY. Access Denied.

Weird demon: the machine runs on the uncontrollable power of 2 drips. It is no longer uncontrollable.  It is impossible to stop it without dying a painful death.

Monkey: you guys thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?

Mighty Eagle and mustache in unison: Oh yeah.

Jon: yuppies and guppies! Gonzo!

Jon pulls out gonzo and throws him through the window at the reactor. Gonzo disintegrates.

Jon: That's what you guys were thinking, right?

Monkey: not exactly.

Mighty Eagle: YES.

Matt Damon's theme plays as Matt Damon busts the door down.

Matt Damon: Mad damon.

This is the only other thing Matt Damon ever says besides his name.

The group in unison: Matt Damon!

Jon: he just said mad damon. Get with the program.

Mustache: posh posh.

Matt Damon: I will go in. my drip is respectable enough to protect me for long enough to shut it off.

The camera zooms in on Matt Damon's drip.

Jon: when the drip is respectable, but Matt Damon is gonna die.

Monkey: no! You can’t do this Matt damon!

Mighty Eagle: YES!

He has popcorn in his hand.

Matt Damon: I’m sorry, little ones. But my time has come. I must defeat my brother, the king.

Mighty Eagle: NOOOOO!!! YOU CAN’T DO THIS

Matt Damon: G o o d b y e.

Matt Damon exits through the hole punctured by gonzo.

Monkey (crying): goodbye, Matt Damon.

It cuts to outside, where the king’s massive face screen is interrupted.

SCENE 9: THE CLIMAX (FOR REAL THIS TIME)

The screen is interrupted by the group’s broadcast. Squawks, hedgey, jeff, and pigs see it.

The king: what the-

Monkey (on monitor screen): attention everyone! Do not worry! We will turn all of you back to puppets after we destroy this reactor and shut down the machine!

Squawks: they're gonna destroy the machine! Let's go!

Jeff: I don’t wanna be a human anymore!

Hedgey: Let's get going, then!

Squawks, hedgey, Jeff and pig all head to the castle.

Cut to Matt Damon inside the reactor. Matt Damon is pushing and struggling to fight back the drip power, and dislocate the 2 drips. As he pushes on, he begins transforming into the real actor Matt Damon. The scene is very dramatic and Carries lots of emotional weight. I don’t know how to describe it so just pretend I do.

Everyone watches in horror as Matt pushes forward

After enough struggling,  Matt Damon reaches the drips

Matt Damon: For the last time…

He readies his fist

Matt Damon: MATT.

He punches the drips

Matt Damon: DAMON!!

The reactor explodes and the released drip energy transforms everyone back into a puppet

A long sequence showing the damage ensues, as everyone creeps toward the crater caused by the explosion

Squawks: So that was it, huh? Matt Damon, gone at the hands of a dripped-out explosion?

Bushy Mustache: I get it really was,,,,,, Drip, Or DROWN.

Monkey: I guess so. Never thought it would happen so fast.

Jon: I did. I timed it on my watch.

When he says this, clapping is heard from the distance. It is coming from the king, in puppet form.

The king: bravo. Bravo. Very inspiring and inspirational.

Squawks: they still mean the same thing, you know.

The king: Did you seriously think I hadn’t accounted for this? I always have a plan B.

Mighty Eagle: I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING YOU HADN'T ACCOUNTED FOR.

King: And that would be?

The king is immediately handcuffed by Juan Arbuckle.

Mighty Eagle: THAT. (Angry birds sounds (again))

The king: oh come on!

Monkey: Hey Jon, do you have any siblings?

Jon: I have a goldfish.

Monkey: perfect. Kiss me babeh!

Juan: Good work, monkey.

Monkey drops Jon on the floor, who is covered in comically large kiss marks.

Monkey: Does this mean I get my job back? I solved the missing Jeff case.

Jeff: hello.

Juan: Well, you would, but there’s one small caveat. Look at the time.

Juan takes out a clock showing 12:00 PM.

Monkey: and?

Juan: 42 seconds overtime.

Monkey: seriously?

Juan: yup.

Banana: that’s a real jerk move there, juan.

Juan: yeah but who’s the chief here? Me or you?

Monkey: fine. Be like that. We were able to solve a pretty big case, right guys?

Hedgey: yeah!

Squawks: no.

Mighty Eagle: MIGHTY EAGLE!!!

Mustache: maybe?

Jeff: I was kidnapped half the time so I don’t really know

Jon: I’m hungry

Monkey:I think we should start our own agency. How about a name?

hedgey: Guardians of the galaxy!

Monkey: what?

Mustache: PIRATE’S BOOTY HUNTERS!

Jon: better yet, MY booty hunters!

Monkey: no!

Spang: SPANG TONNED FAN CLUB!!!

Squawks: I’m not a Spang fan though. Better name: mystery incorporated.

Monkey: I think that one was used before.

Jon: oh, I know!

Camera zooms in on his face

Jon: the puppet club!

Jamaican banana is thrown on screen right before the screen fades to black.

Jon (unseen): hey, I dids another cliche!

ROLL CREDITS

The credits show each character dancing when their actor’s name is on screen.

SCENE 9 ½: THE AFTER CREDITS

Jeff Beanos is floating in space with bookworm.

Bookworm: CEO ENTREPREnUR BORN IN 1964 JEFFREY, JEFFREY BEANOS!

Jeff beanos: what

Bookworm: I TOLD YOU JEFF BEANOS WAS IN SPACE.

Spang floats in front of the camera

Spang: CAN I HAVE MORE Time on the screen NOW?

The screen fades to black and the words SPANG TONNED WILL RETURN appear on screen