Coach's Court

## Synopsis

Graham carries several bags of groceries from the car into the house when he is unable to reach the door handle. As he tries to enter the house, Sherry comes outside to help Elizabeth carry other groceries. However, Graham is still unable to make it through the front door. Just then, the exasperated father barely leans against the railing on the balcony when he swiftly falls through backward. Elizabeth and Sherry briefly fail to notice Graham on the ground with his groceries strewn about until he calls out for help. Lucky to have only suffered a minor headache - and convinced of a cover-up involving the broken porch railing - Graham gathers the family in the living room to find out exactly how it was broken in the first place.

Graham's suspicions are raised after alertly noticing that someone had recently made a shoddy attempt to repair the porch railing. Just then, it's revealed that J.R. was so humiliated by currently-unknown circumstances that day at school that he has chosen to hide in the closet with a paper bag over his head. Graham is desperate to get down to the bottom of everything that led to the current predicament.

Now clearly agitated by what has happened, Graham and Elizabeth decide to stage "a Lubbock family trial" - with Connie portraying the "bailiff" - in a stringent effort to find out the whole truth of the matter. The other members of the family are compelled to "testify" with their own recollections of what each one of them observed on that fateful day.

The general consensus is that Warren, one of Graham's best wrestlers, had been involved in some type of verbal and physical dispute with J.R. At the same time, Warren had developed a crush on Marie, even making several unwanted advances toward her that both J.R. and Marie had taken offense to. After this, J.R. apparently grew angry, and sought revenge. Despite being younger and smaller, he boldly challenged the much-stronger boy to a duel, which apparently reached its climax on the Lubbocks' front porch. Recollections reveal that Marie was just inside the house when she unwittingly overheard the two boys engaged in a heated dispute.

The unfortunate drama actually began earlier in the chapel when Warren ended up falling for Marie at first sight. The reason for the wrestling team being there at all is because Graham ordered his athletes to "pray for God's forgiveness" prior to their next match. Unfortunately, Marie just happens to garner Warren's inappropriate attention as she passes by. Even worse, both J.R. and Sherry had witnessed this incident, and J.R. immediately took it upon himself to avenge his older sister's honor.

Often looking for trouble, J.R. challenges Warren to a fight later that day. Feeling guilty for overhearing the exchange, Sherry confides in Wendy and Marie about the anticipated brawl. While trying to break-up the first little spat, Marie unwittingly punches Warren in the face, briefly knocking him unconscious. After feeling guilty for what she'd done, Marie desperately wants to apologize to Warren. The problem is that she doesn't know how to get into the boys' locker room without passing through Graham's office, so she enlists Wendy's help by first "eavesdropping" through the window. The "Lubbock Babes" successfully reach their destination, and realize that Warren is okay. After talking for a bit, Marie is able to temporarily calm him down. Even more, somewhat of a spark rises between the two teenagers, and he ends up walking her home from school.

After arriving at the house, Marie goes inside to get Warren a drink of lemonade while he "fixes himself up" for her. Once Marie is out of sight, J.R. notices Warren outside, and he thinks that the boy actually came to settle their earlier debacle. Words are exchanged between the two boys, but then Marie returns to witness the scene. Now aghast at Warren for trying beat up her younger brother - and without giving it a second thought - Marie hastily shoves the boy through the railing. This is how the scene had been set prior to Graham's unexpected fall. Now having been violently bested by his own sister, J.R. is apparently humiliated enough that he feels like his only recourse is be to go into hiding.

All told, the real reason for the climactic events that occurred is that J.R. and Marie were both defending each other's honors from Warren, who had been harassing both of them. After the "trial" ends, Graham and Elizabeth are touched to discover that the two siblings have each other's backs, and they mutually agree that their children's intentions were good. The truth of the matter is that they both paid a much steeper price than necessary to handle a difficult situation, and Graham gets creative in coming up with appropriate punishments for all suspects involved - as seen and heard in "Dragnet"-style, narrated by Graham.

## Guest Appearances

*Moosie Drier* as Warren

*Dwayne Alexandre* as Boxer #1

*Casey Storm* as Guy

## Memorable Quotes

**Graham**: "*I did not break that railing. That railing could hold a ton.*" *(teenagers snicker)*

**Connie**: "*They claim that "Goofy Glue" could hold the weight of an elephant.*" *(teenagers snicker again)*

--

**Marie**: "*I'm just not myself today. The carnal beast has been awakened...Today, I discovered the mystical connection between sex and violence.*"

**Elizabeth**: "*Recess is over.*"

--

**Graham**: "*I'm married. I answer to a higher power.*"

--

**Cindy**: "*I don't know anything.*"

--

**Sherry**: "*I've got a secret.*"

**Wendy**: "*Grow up.*"

**Sherry**: "*Grow boobs.*"

## Trivia

* Only appearance of Moosie Drier as Warren.
* "Goofy Glue" is an obvious spoof of "Gorilla Glue".
* Sherry's snide remark about Wendy's breasts subtly foreshadows Wendy's eventual "big reveal" of not having a large bosom - which is confirmed in a later episode.
* The parents truly not knowing about J.R. hiding in the closet all day is a subtle nod to the recurring theme of J.R.'s actions constantly being overlooked by the rest of the family.

### Breaking The Fourth Wall

* At the end of the episode, Graham (in voice-over) narrates a "criminal line-up/live mugshot" montage - in which he declares his "findings", and also reveals the consequences that Marie, J.R., and Warren must face.
* Wendy is seen playfully caressing Connie's hair between scenes at home, despite the two sisters having somewhat of an adversarial relationship, both on- and off-camera.

## Mistakes

### Continuity Errors

* It is unclear whether Gavin Doosler being wealthy was originally supposed to remain part of the storyline, but such is confirmed, in a later episode, that his family actually is well-off.

### Factual Errors

* Had the episode aired today, many of the "closet" remarks likely would have caused some degree of controversy.
* It is quite possible that Marie, J.R., and/or Warren would have faced other sanctions from the school administration for their actions.

### Revealing Errors

* At first glance, there is no apparent evidence of anything seriously wrong, structurally, with the porch banister.
* When Marie returns to the "witness stand", Connie does not "swear in" Marie. Also, Connie is not "sworn in" prior to her "testimony".
* Most of the "swearing in" was done incorrectly; right hand goes on the book, and left hand is raised - meaning that Cindy's first attempt is actually correct.
* Elizabeth's remark about Warren being a "sadomasochistic wimp" somewhat foreshadows the result of him being beaten in every match that season.
* For unknown reasons, Connie abruptly kisses Warren on the lips immediately after Marie knocks him out, but syndication cuts this scene out.