E13: Freebuild: Max -vs- Everything (January 12, 2015)

Aurelia! Can Max wade his way through a bevy of monsters and finally escape from the vile clutches of Dr. Lobotomy? Read on to find out!

This is a long one. 90 pictures (!)! I almost split it up, but I just had to get it out!

Previously, Max made his way to Level 17 of the orbital research station known as the Bucket, where he is planning on reclaiming his spaceship Starla and making his escape. To slow him down, Dr Lobotomy released all of his bizarre experiments to slow Max down.

Burn Victim's orders are fairly straight forward: find Max Power and shut him down. The insertion of a flat blade into the small of Max's back will short out his cybernetic nervous system and render him unconscious.

As a bonus, Dr. Lobotomy told Burn Victim he was permitted to terminate any of Dr. Lobotomy's other "patients" who got in his way. Burn Victim is in a good mood as he heads to Level 17.

Even though time is of the essence, Burn Victim figures he has time to stop by his favorite room, the "Red and Green" room. It is on the way, after all.

The room is a bit of a mess.

Gingerbread Man (in a high-pitched, squeaky voice): "Hey Burn Victim!"

Burn Victim (in a hoarse whisper): "what's going on in here? where's santa?"

Gingerbread Man: "Oh, uh, sorry buddy. Something calling itself 'Max Power' came in here and picked a fight with him. I'm afraid Santa's dead."

Burn Victim: "noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!"

Gingerbread Man: "Hey Burn Victim, since you're here anyway, would you mind helping me clean up?"

moments later...

Max Power (in a deep, hollow, metallic voice): "GREETINGS! I AM MAX POWER. ARE YOU PERHAPS HERE TO HELP ME ESCAPE?"

Armored Thing: "Gribble grobble grabble!"

Manshark: [shark noises]

The armored thing takes a step forward and swings its halberd at Max.

Max Power [ducking slightly]: "AAAAH! I CALCULATE THAT YOU MAY NOT BE AS FRIENDLY AS I HAD HOPED."

Max Power: "MY HAT! YOU HAVE DESTROYED IT!"

Max Power: "CALCULATING...IF YOU DESIRE AN ALTERCATION, THEN SO BE IT. BUT I FEEL IT IS ONLY FAIR TO WARN YOU, I AM PLANNING ON NARRATING THE ENTIRE THING."

Fight Music! "Time Bomb" by 808 State

Max Power: "AH, YOU ARE WELL ARMORED, AND IF YOU USE YOUR WEAPON CORRECTLY YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO PREVENT ME FROM GETTING CLOSE TO YOU ENOUGH TO USE MINE."

Max Power: "EVEN THOUGH I BLOCK YOUR HALBERD WITH MY SWORD, I CANNOT REACH INTO YOUR SPACE, SEE?"

Max Power: "YOU ARE MOVING IN TO FLANK ME. THAT IS SMART."

Max Power: "NICE SWING. I AM FORCED TO TAKE A STEP BACK."

Max Power: "YOU UNDERESTIMATE ME. MY PROSTHETIC ARM CHANGES THE TRAJECTORY OF YOUR WIDE SWING, WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY I SLICE INTO YOUR FRIEND."

Max Power: "YOU HAVE MISSED MY HEAD, STRIKING MY LEFTOVER SURGICAL BRACING INSTEAD. MAN, THIS SWORD IS REALLY SHARP! LOOK WHAT IT DID TO THIS SHARK GUY."

Max Power: "YOU HAVE ALLOWED ME TO COME TOO CLOSE. YOUR WEAPON BELONGS TO ME NOW."

Max Power: "YOUR ARMOR PROTECTS YOU WELL. PERHAPS SOMETHING CAN BE DONE TO CIRCUMVENT THIS ADVANTAGE."

Max Power: "SOMETHING LIKE THIS."

Max Power: "SEE HOW WITH A SIMPLE TWIST OF MY TORSO I USE MY SWORD TO REMOVE YOUR HEAD."

Max Power: "NO NO NO. YOU SHOULD HAVE FALLEN FLAT ON YOUR BACK BEFORE I DECAPITATED YOU. ALSO YOU SHOULD HAVE COORDINATED YOUR ATTACK BETTER. ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?"

And so Max continues through the corridors of Level 17, steadily making his way toward Starla. Max fights many strange enemies along the way. Some are easy...

...and Max barely has to break his stride to dispose of them.

Others are more difficult...

...but fall nevertheless. This one gives Max a new idea for his matter reconfigulator.

Max Power: "INITIATE MACHINE GUN HAND."

And some enemies are just plain strange.

Max, of course, continues to give his opponents pointless and boring lectures.

Max Power: "...AND THAT IS WHY CONTINUING TO FLOP ABOUT MAKES IT DIFFICULT TO BE SURE WHETHER OR NOT I HAVE DEFEATED YOU. PLEASE CONSIDER THE FEELINGS OF YOUR OPPONENT WHEN DECIDING WHAT ACTIONS TO TAKE AFTER HAVING BEEN DISMEMBERED."

Burn Victim is on Max's trail.

Max continues without any problems.

Max's machine gun hand: "BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!"

Max Power: "...AND PLEASE TRY TO KEEP IN MIND THE IMPORTANCE OF GOOD PERSONAL HYGENE IF YOU DESIRE TO MAKE A POSITIVE FIRST IMPRESSION."

And then it happens. Max spots a particularly tough looking cyborg in bulky armor.

Max, figuring his machine gun will be useless in this fight, braces himself for the cyborg's charge.

But the charge never comes. Instead, the cyborg turns and runs in the other direction, with surprising speed.

Max, knowing that Starla lies ahead, runs after him...

...and right into a trap!

Max Power: "IT IS A TRAP!"

 More Fight Music! "Come to Daddy" by Aphex Twin (you may want to turn it down a bit)

Soon Max is surrounded. Unlike his previous foes, this group is orderly and well coordinated. For once, Max is rendered speechless.

Once creature, dressed as a marine sergeant, seems to be issuing orders to the others. If Max can take him out quickly, perhaps the rest will be easier to deal with.

Access denied! As Max steps forward, the big armored cyborg strikes a devastating blow...

...knocking Max to the ground!

Max Power: "YOU ARE GOOD AT PUNCHING. CALCULATING..."

Max Power: "LET US SEE IF YOU ARE GOOD AT DYING."

But Max's bullets can't penetrate the cyborg's chest plate.

At a hissed command from the leader, one of the strange marines slashes at Max's machine gun hand...

...slicing the weaponized appendage clean off.

Max Power: "OH SNAP!"

hideous abominations: "Hsssssssssss!"

Max stands quickly, but the creature have now carefully surrounded them. One slashes at his head while another goes for his chest. Max quickly turns...

...and barely dodges the intended blows. Instead, the last remnant of Max's surgical bracing fall off while he's inflicted with a superficial slash to his one remaining human arm. Still, Max is quite alarmed.

Max Power: "WHY IS MY BLOOD NEON GREEN? NO TIME TO CALCULATE!"

Max, now desperate, makes a bold move to take down his strongest opponent.

Max Power: "INITIATE CHAINSAW HAND...TO YOUR FACE!"

armored cyborg: [gurgling sound]

hideous abominations: "Hssssssssssssss!"

The armored cyborg drops to floor, dead, but before Max can make another move, one of the abominations slashes at his chainsaw...

...and easily slices through it. The blade drops to floor, useless, as Max's enemies reshuffle their position.

Max Power: "MY MATTER RECONFIGULATOR IS OUT OF MATTER TO RECONFIGULATE."

hideous abominations: "Hssssssssssssss!"

xenomoprhs: "Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

Max has his back against the wall as the creatures close in. Having no weapons, Max is hopelessly outmatched. The abominations close in, hissing and squealing in anticipation. It looks as though Max won't make it to Starla after all.

But wait.

There is a faint sound.

The sound of a child laughing.

The creatures surrounding Max pause. The sound of laughter comes again. It is difficult for Max to tell exactly where it's coming from.

child's voice: [laughter] "Want to play?"

The abominations look toward their leader.

hideous abomination sergeant: "Hssssssss. Fffffft! Fffffft!"

At their leader's apparent command, Max's opponents run away, down the corridor from which Max had just traveled. Max wastes no time...

...in launching into another lecture!

Max Power: "CALCULATING...WHEN WISDOMS RARES ITS WIZENED HEAD IT IS THE IGNORANT WHO SUFFER, NOT AT THE HANDS OF THE WIZE, BUT BY THEIR OWN FOOLISH DEVICES...."

child's voice: "Who wants to play a game with me?" [laughter]

As for the abominations, well they only manage to make it through a couple of corridors before they run afoul of Max's other opponent."

Burn Victim's gun: "BANG!"

Burn Victim: "stupid xenomorphs and their stupid acid blood. it's a good thing dr. lobotomy designed this place to be acid resistant. and whose stupid idea were these stupid xenomarines? stupid stupid stupid."

Then Burn Victim here the sound of the child's laughter.

Burn Victim: "oh no...the spider child! i'd better get to max before that thing does."

Max is too wrapped up in his dissertation to notice that something is creeping up behind him.

Max Power: ".....AND IT IS ALWAYS EASIER TO KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE IF THOSE BIRDS ARE SLEEPING..."

Max Power: "...WHICH IS WHY BIRDS WHO LIVE IN, UH, GLASS HOUSES...CALCULATING...ARE ALWAYS FLYING IN TO THE WALLS..."

Max Power: "...AND SO THUSLY DO BIRDS WHO BUILD THEIR GLASS HOMES UPON THE SAND CREATE...UH... METAPHORS FOR US WHO THROW OUR WORDS UPON THE ROCKS OF VIRTUE, AND-"

But Max hears a sound behind him, and quickly pivots around to behold...

...the Spider Child! An unholy amalgam of spider, robot, and human youngster. Stands of webbing stretch back behind the thing into the next corridor. The child portion of the creature is too young for Max to tell if it is male or female.

Spider Child: [laughter] "Do you want to play?"

Max Power: "UM...CALCULATING...THIS IS A GAME WE CAN BOTH PLAY. IT IS CALLED 'BACKING AWAY SLOWLY.' LET US GIVE IT A TRY."

Spider Child: "No fun! No fun! Ha ha ha! I know a game!"

Burn Victim has finally caught up to Max! He slowly, silently creeps toward him.

spider child: [laughing] "I know a game! I know a game! Catch and eat!"

And with that the spider child shoots a glob of sticky webbing at Max!

Without thinking, Max dives under the oncoming web...

...causing it to catch Burn Victim instead of its intended target.

Burn Victim: "oh great."

Max, struggling to stand, prepare to assert last line of defense (another lecture, of course).

But before Max can begin, the spider child begins to wriggle and scream!

spider child: "No fun! No fun! I don't want to play!"

Something is dragging the spider child backward by its own webs.

spider child: "No! Help! I don't want to play! I don't want to play!"

As the creature disappears around the corner, a horrible wet cracking sound is heard as the spider child's screams grow louder.

Max stands up and reclaims his sword. The horrible screams diminish, replaced by a loud chomping sound. As improbable as it seems, it sounds as though something is eating the spider child!

Moments later, rivulets of black ichor slowly seep around the corner. Max believes this must be the spider child's blood.

Max Power: "CALCULATING...STARLA IS JUST A FEW CORRIDORS AWAY. I SUPPOSE I HAVE COME TOO FAR TO TURN BACK NOW."

But Max is unprepared for what he finds when he turns the corner.

A chicken, an ordinary-looking rooster, sits amidst a collection of inorganic parts, presumably from the spider child. All that is identifiable as living parts of the spider creature are one spidery leg and a humanoid arm.

chicken: "BURP!"

Max Power: "GREETINGS BRAVE CHICKEN! DID YOU DISPOSE OF THIS HORRIFIC MENACE ALL BY YOURSELF?"

chicken: "CLUCK Cluck cluck!"

Max Power: "YOU MUST BE A POWERFUL WARRIOR TO HAVE DISPATCHED SUCH A FOE! I AM ESCAPING FROM THIS PLACE TO JOIN AURELIA. WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN ME?"

chicken: "Bawk bawk!"

Max Power: "VERY WELL. COME WITH ME. MY SHIP IS CLOSE."

Max Power: "BY THE WAY, I AM CALLED MAX POWER. WHAT IS YOUR NAME, MIGHTY CHICKEN?"

chicken: "Cluck. Cluck baGok!"

Max Power: "IT IS GOOD TO MEET YOU, CLUCK CLUCK BAGOK."

Suddenly an autosurgeon moves out from behind a toppled suspension cell.

autosurgeon (in a somewhat sinister accent): "Max stop, you are making a huge mistake."

Max Power: "STILL YOUR...VOCABULATOR, FOUL AUTOSURGEON! I WILL NOT BE DISSUADED BY THE LIKES OF YOU."

autosurgeon: "No Max, it's me...Dr. Lobotomy."

Max Power: "DOCTOR LOBOTOMY?! I THOUGHT I DESTROYED YOU. WHAT MANNER OF WITCHCRAFT IS THIS THAT YOU SPEAK TO ME THROUGH THIS MEDICAL ROBOT?"

Cluck Cluck baGok: "Cluck."

Max Power: "AN INTERCOM, YOU SAY? OH."

Dr. Lobotomy: "Yes Max, I survived your attack, barely, and now I am speaking to you through an intercom. Listen, your systems are unstable. You have not been fully calibrated, and when you downloaded all of the information from the Bucket's mainframe you put yourself at great risk. Your rudimentary cognitive operations will soon cease to function, and you will die."

Max Power: "REALLY?"

Dr. Lobotomy: "Yes really. Please allow this autosurgeon to inject you with this sedative. It will relieve the strain on your uncalibrated psyche until I can install your full operating system. Also, leave the chicken alone. It is easily the most dangerous creature on this station."

Max Power: "WHAT DO YOU THINK, BAGOK?"

Cluck Cluck baGok: "Bagok."

Max Power: "I AGREE."

moments later...

Max Power: "THERE SHE IS...STARLA, THE COSMIC CATERING VAN."

Cluck Cluck baGok: "Cluck? Cluck cluck?"

Max Power: "I HONESTLY DO NOT KNOW WHY I HAVE A CATERING VAN. BUT I DO KNOW THAT SHE IS THE FASTEST SHIP IN THE SYSTEM."

Max Power: "LISTEN...STARLA'S CHRONOSTASIS UNIT IS STILL RUNNING. IT MUST HAVE BEEN RUNNING FOR MONTHS! AT LEAST THEY LEFT HER HOOKED UP TO A FUEL LINE."

Max Power: "BEHOLD! PROFESSOR WIGGLESBY! IN PERFECT CHRONOSTASIS!"

Cluck Cluck baGok: "Bawk bawk bawk?"

Max Power: "NO, IT IS PERFECTLY SAFE. THIS IS A VERY HIGH END UNIT YOU WILL BE FROZEN IN TIME AS SOON AS YOU ENTER THE CARGO HOLD."

Cluck Cluck baGok: "Cluck."

Max Power: "YOU ARE CORRECT. I SHOULD PROBABLY NOT TAKE THIS SWORD IN TO THE COCKPIT. IT IS VERY SHARP...HEY, THIS BANANA IS STILL FRESH! I TOLD YOU THIS WAS A HIGH END UNIT."

Suddenly Max senses something, and turns to look at the edge of the landing bay.

Max Power: "OH NO! THEY ARE SENDING IN THE CLOWNS! HOP IN BAGOK, WE ARE LEAVING!"

Max Power: "THIS SHOULD SLOW THEM DOWN."

Max Power: "STARLA, FIRE UP THE FLIGHT SYSTEMS."

Starla (pleasant female comperized voice): "Welcome Maxwell Bauer."

Max Power: "WHO?"

Max Power: "NEVER MIND THAT STARLA, LET US LEAVE THIS FOUL PLACE. OVERRIDE BAY DOOR CODE X-8 11-39.

Starla's engines fire up...

    ...and with that, they are gone.

-end

 Ending music: "Today" by Smashing Pumpkins

I almost split this up into 2 MOCs, and I probably should have, but I really wanted to get Max out of the Bucket. Thanks for taking the time to read this whole thing, I will try to keep them shorter from now on.

Acknowledgements:

I got slightly lazy with the monsters. One was just a Bionicle minifig (a Piraka maybe?), while another one was a jellyfish from an old LEGO Atlantis set.

The xenomorph was a design I saw on Flickr about 10 years ago and used for a Dungeons & Dragons game. I've looked for this design again recently, but I can't find this exact one, so I don't know who to give the credit to. As for their presence on the Bucket...who knows? Are they "real" xenomorphs or something Dr. Lobotomy cooked up I can't say for sure.

A big Thank You to R.K. Blast for running the Insurgency. Couldn't do it without him.

Thank you to all active Insurgency members and everyone who reads and comments on our stuff.

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