Chapter Seventeen

## Clash of the Korvinox

* **Aigee holds the Whispering Tree Amulet aloft. The amulet’s faint light illuminated Gorg’s goo face in the middle of the shadowy torture chamber, giving Aigee the appearance of an angelic hero. With a nod to his companions, Aigee holds the Amulet into the focused beam of scourge shooting into the sky. The gem embedded into the Amulet is suddenly filled with an orange-yellow glow. Terrified, Aigee hastily tosses the glowing Amulet over to Kawkrookitar.**
* **“Why’re ya throwin’ it to me?!” Kaw shrieked, quickly tossing it over to Skimp. In return, Skimp pelted it at Bongo, who hurled it at BIG Nadine.**
* **This game of hot-potato continued until BIG Nadine, losing his extremely short temper, SMASHED it upon the ground. The Amulet shattered with a burst of blinding light. When the light finally faded, the Bois were astonished to find a ten-foot tall, bald, black angel wielding a mighty blade, looking strikingly similar to the legendary Ainsley Harriott. This angel was known as Aurelius (a.k.a Big Guy), a minor general in Heaven’s divine army. He’d been trapped within the Whispering Tree Amulet for ages, and the Bois had carried him unwittingly into Abaddon. Big Guy also speaks with a strange accent, a dialect that the Bois do not recognize. The angel informs the adventurers with a broad grin, “Everyone in heaven has a British accent.” He then got busy, effortlessly slaughtering all the daemons lurking in the area. Following the mighty angel’s lead, Bongo and the Big Guys race upstairs to Korvinox’s throne room.**
* **Our heroes reach the top of the stairs and are met with a massive set of double doors. As a preface for the ultimate battle, the bois preemptively buff BIG Nadine; Bongo gives him Stoneskin and Kaw gives him Bull Strength. As always, a swift backhand to the back of BIG Nadine’s head is all it takes to break through this obstacle. In the center of the room, Korvinox sits upon his throne. His hive-armor has squirmed back from his head, revealing his scarred face and long, electrified hair. A concentrated beam of the scourge rises through his transparent throne, piercing into the sky.**
* **After ranting about how strong and all-powerful he is yet again, Korvinox rips open a portal in the middle of the black sky, which leads straight to Soresia. Daemons begin to rise around Korvinox’s fortress, their fangs gnashing, their claws ready to tear the Bois to shreds. However, from the sky emerges hundreds of angels, the forces of Heaven’s army. An epic battle between angel and daemon rages around Korvinox’s fortress, as meteors crash from the sky all around them.**
* **But the Bois have no time to marvel at this terrific clash of good versus evil, for the time has finally come to slay Gross once and for all! But Korvinox is not alone! A monstrous, reptilian, fish-headed daemon lurks at his side, looking around frantically for a puddle of water it can flop its head into. “Leave him to me!” Big Guy roared, as he and Fish-Head locked into combat. Korvinox rips off two shards of glass from his throne, one of the the size of a sword and the other a dagger, and squeezes them tightly in his hands, spilling purple drow blood from his palms.**
* **Bongo transforms into his Horum Bloodline form then, overwhelmed with boundless, vengeful fury, points his finger at Urgathoa’s Champion and gives him THE GLARE. “This is your last chance, fool. Surrender or face the WRATH OF BONGO AND THE BOIS.” Korvinox chuckled and ignored Bongo’s warning, he drew his blades and prepared for battle.**
* **ROLL FOR INITIATIVE!!!!..**
* **Bongo begins the battle by summoning an Aggressive Thundercloud, GREATER and setting it loose upon Nasty. Aigee begins playing Night Bells, encouraging his companions to give it all they’ve got! Skimp strikes Korvinox with a mighty arrow! Kaw hides in the background, providing heals when necessary! Then BIG Nadine steps forward, casually telling his comrades, “Step aside.” He then hits Korvinox with a STUN FIST, stunning the drow so hard that he doesn’t even know which way is up. As Eew stumbles around in a daze, Aigee sprints forward, drawing his immovable rod, and pins Yuck against the wall!**
* **With Korvinox stunned and pinned, unable to fight back, Skimp roars, “IT. IS. TIME.” The Bois start howling with laughter as they administer Daddy’s Wrath upon the stunned villain, pummeling him with all their strength.**
* **“Urgathoa will be mine!” Kaw screeches as he blasts Korvy with a Slay Living spell. “I will make her love me, no matter the cost!”**
* **“Bite the bullet, baby!” Skimp uttered as he loosed two arrows into the vital parts of his foe, his feet planted firmly in the same spot he began the battle in.**
* **“Fire walk with me!” Horum Bongo roared, slashing Korvinox with his Adamantine Sword, gashing into his horrific hive armor.**
* **But suddenly, the drow vanishes, teleporting to the center of the room. “No more games!” he cries shrilly, wiping the tears of humiliation from his eyes. “This ends now!” Korvinox rises into the sky and surveys the battlefield below. It appears that, although there were many casualties, the forces of Heaven have managed to prevail over the daemons. The surviving angels are now soaring straight towards the fortress, ready to join Bongo and the Blues Clues in their fight.**
* **Korvinox grins through his many bleeding wounds, and whispers the single echoing word, “...Anarchy!”**
* **This word of tremendous power sends all the angel warriors back to their home plane, sadly including Big Guy. “Spicy meat!” Aurelias cries before being banished from the throne room. The Bois are abruptly teleported onto the back of a massive, enslaved Harambo, who is diligently rolling a gigantic stone wheel through Abaddon for seemingly no reason whatsoever. Korvinox then attempts to cast Slay Living once again upon Bongo, knocking him out of his Horum form. However, when the goliath is struck by the deadly spell, he suddenly recalls how it had felt to die, and a spark of hopes ignites within his chest as he resists the spell.**
* **Again, he glares at Gross, clearly displeased by the drow’s bad behavior. “YOU NEED TO LEARN SOME MANNERS, YOUNG MAN!” he bellows.**
* **The battle continues upon the enslaved Harambo’s back. Korvinox and the Bois traded devastating blows, all the while Korvinox growing weaker and weaker as he is continuously pummeled by the five fearless heroes. His armor begins to chip away. He looks like he’s standing on his last leg!**
* **“No!” the baby cried, realizing that the bois have bested him, “This can’t be! I’m Korvinox! I’m undefeatable! I’ll kill you all, I swear!” he whined as tears began to flow. Aigee summons and instrument, an electric guitar. He does a quick guitar solo then smashed the instrument over Korv’s lumpy head. Gorg victoriously cries, “Here comes the goo!” as he stuffs a handful of goo into Korv’s nasty mouth. Skimp approaches the hive-infant and does a series of intricate backflips that ends in the rat slamming into the drow; “I am Big Shaq!” Skimp wails, reveling in Korv’s defeat. Kaw squirms over to the nasty kid, pulls out the shovel he took from Miraj, and begins digging into the villain’s shins, grinning the whole time. “Here’s a trick I learned from The Greasy Slisher!” Kaw croaked as he slished into hive’s shins. Bongo walked up to the beaten and bloody Korvinox. He took out a bar of soap and a sock from his bindle, turned on the radio, and got to work. Hive-sad cried and cried, begging for mercy. Bongo, with the ferocity of Thgil, struck the kid with repeated attacks.**
* **Korvinox’s reign of tyranny finally comes to its brutal end, when BIG Nadine steps forward and proclaims, “Alright you. It’s high time that BIG Nadine teaches you a lesson.” The pandamonk drew the almighty MAGNUM DONG from his noble robes.**
* **“You think I’m afraid of you, you filthy beast?!” Korvinox shrieked, tears of anguish streaming down his cheeks, his Scazzle-scarred face beaten and bloody and covered with cut and bruises. He’s staggering from side to side, barely able to stay on his feet, desperately clinging to life with his remaining strength.**
* **BIG Nadine lifted gross-guy by his collar and pushed him against Harambo’s back. “I think you are afraid of me.” he said calmly, moving his hand to gross-man’s neck.**
* **“N-no! Y-you dirty animal! Put me down!” dirty-boi cried under the crippling grip of James Hurley’s Wrath.**
* **Nadine dropped him and proclaimed, in the blunt voice of Chester Desmond, “This one’s comin’ from J. Edgar.” with a smirk on his face.**
* **The massive pandafolk dipped his mechanical, gloved fist into his legendary Jar O’ Honey and let loose a fearsome Fury of Blows using every last ounce of his power, holding absolutely nothing back. The Fireman must have been watching over the panda, because every single devastating blow was successful, shattering Korvinox’s bones as though they were but dry twigs. BIG Nadine served up a whopping 88 DAMAGE , completely obliterating the hive-boi, rendering him unconscious and spewing purple blood from his grizzly injuries. Rather than finish the job, the triumphant Bois quickly stabilized Korvinox’s wounds, intending to keep him alive so that Da Da Vulkyn could have a new “playmate”. The last thing Korvinox sees before passing out is BIG Nadine bending a strand of rebar over his head, proving his dominance over the crushed drow.**
* **The Bois are teleported back to the top of Korvinox’s fortress, along with Korvinox’s body, which BIG Nadine occasionally pounds to ensure that the villain does not wake up and attempt to slip away into the shadows.**
* **Although Korvinox has been utterly defeated, the scourge is still continuing to rise into the portal of Soresia in the sky.**
* **“We must block it!” Aigee cries bravely, pointing at the focused ray of scourge shooting out of the throne. “But how?” Bongo ponders, his chin resting upon his fist. “We have nothing to block it with.” “I say we simply smash the damn thing,” BIG Nadine growls, cracking his knuckles (which are still smeared with honey and Korv’s purple blood). “Ehh, I dunno if that’s such a great idea,” Kaw grunts. “If we smash the throne, it’s not going to stop the scourge from rising into Soresia. Smashing the throne might just make things worse than they already are.” “LEMME SMASH!” BIG Nadine screams. “NO!” Kaw gurgles, barely able to hold Nadine back.**
* **Skimp uses his magical card to summon Urgathoa to the throne room, so that he can ask her how to stop the scourge, a question that she must answer completely and truthfully. However, all the goddess tells them is that the key to defeating the scourge lies beneath Korvinox’s throne.**
* **“If only we had some planks of wood to cover the throne,” Bongo says wistfully. Then he remembers that they can summon Urtarr at will, and he tries to force Skimp to ring the bell. Skimp does so but only because he wanted to and not because Bongo told him (or so he says).**
* **“What do you want?” Urtarr asks. “HARD WOOD!” the Bois bellow. The terrified merchant promptly surrenders all of his wooden planks. Bongo attempts to slide one of the boards over the throne, thus blocking the scourgey beam, but the plank is cut cleanly in half. “What do we do now?” Kaw asks the group as Nadine purchases yet another hat from Urtarr.**
* **Thinking that it may help the situation, BIG Nadine placed the MAGNUM DONG into the scourgey beam, singing off the tip. Nadine didn’t seem to mind much, however.**
* **Aigee asks aloud, “Are there any slits nearby?!” He is completely ignored.**
* **Bongo turns into a bird and flies up into the portal above them, up to Soresia. He recognizes the dense wooded area as the woods surrounding his Shardstone home. The Scourge was slowly spreading outwards, killing everything it touched. Bongo tries asking Sarenrae for help, but accidently communes with Rovagug. The Rough Beast offers no help, instead he simply screams, completely outraged. Bongo flies back down and tells his friends what he witnessed. If they don’t get rid of the scourge soon, the whole Soresian Empire could be wiped out in no time.**
* **BIG Nadine flies into a blind rage, squealing in a high-pitched voice, “I've had it with all you frickin trolls, and all you frickin haters, and all you frickin stupid fan-fricks! YOU GUYS ARE THE ONES THAT RUINED PATHFINDER! Can't you see that?! What the frick are you guys DOING!? Asking for all this fricking garbage? WHY DO WE NEED TO STOP THE SCOURGE? WHY DO WE NEED TO BEAT KORVINOX? WHY DO WE NEED TO DEFEAT THE ITHOLIDS? WHY DO WE NEED TO GO ON ALL THESE FANTASMIC ADVENTURES ALL THE TIME, FOR CRYING OUT FRICKING LOUD?! WHY DO WE NEED ALL THAT?! You guys killed Pathfinder! All you frickin' FAN FRICKS, and your FRICKING AIGEE-GORG FANTASIES! I'M TIRED OF ALL YOU FRICKS! I'M SO FRICKING MAD, AND I'M… So fricking mad! I mean, you guys, YOU GUYS, HAVE OFFICIALLY MADE ME LOSE MY MARBLES!!! THIS IS A NIGHTMAAAAAAAAAAAAARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”**
* **The pandafolk monk BOOSHES the throne, shattering it to pieces. Shards of glass fall slowly through the air like snowflakes. The beam of scourge is no longer focused, but it is still rising slowly into Soresia. “Finally you broke it!” Urgathoa laughs.**
* **Beneath the throne, where the scourge is rising outwards, is a tunnel leading straight down. Without hesitation, Brave Aigee Jester Jaunts down into the tunnel and begins squirming towards the source of the scourge. At the end of the tunnel, Aigee flails into a large room. Within the room, upon four pedestals, lay four mysterious crystals: one dark blue, one light blue, one red, and one green. And in the middle of the room, consumed with disgusting fungus, is a dark, creepy figure. The scourge seems to have completely consumed the figure, and is rising out of his twisted body. “Destroy them!” the figure rasps urgently, his weak voice sounding slightly familiar to the Goo Fellow. It’s a voice he hasn’t heard in quite some time. “Destroy the crystals, Aigee-Gorg!”**
* **“Who goes there?” Big Goo Mcspanky asks.**
* **“Destroy the crystals!” it utters once more, pointing feverishly at the multi-colored crystals upon the pedestals.**
* **Aigee approaches and notices the figure’s hooked beak, and his familiar avian body. “Lekkunar!” he cries. “It’s Lekkunar!” Aigee hollars back up to the bois.**
* **“Lekkunar?!” Kaw hisses with a scowl, “What’s he gotten himself into this time?!” Kaw, Skimp, and Bongo headed down into the tunnel to unite with Aigee and Lekky. BIG Nadine stays behind just in case Korvinox comes to, whereupon the panda would zoosh the fool’s head in.**
* **After crawling through the scourge-infested tunnels, which was much easier than one might assume (especially considering Bongo and Skimp still had nearly full health), the rat, goliath, and tengu arrive at the origin of the scourge.**
* **“Lekkunar, old bloke!” Bongo greeted the horribly disfigured tengu. “What’s happened to you? You’ve seen better days, old friend!” The tengu struggles to reply, “I was captured by Korvinox… and brought here to fuel the scourge… quickly, destroy the crystals before it’s too late! The crystals are the key to finally ending this nightmare! It is the only way! I will die in the process, but in death I will be able to rest easy, knowing that the scourge has finally been stopped.”**
* **“Hey Lekky, your little brother’s here!” Aigee squeals at him.**
* **Kaw lurks forward, staring down blankly at his fungus-covered brother. “Get that bastard away from me,” Lekkunar spat, looking away from Kaw. “I should have never broken you out of Aurelia’s prison, I should have left you there to rot with that silver-haired pickpocket. Shattering the lock of your cell was a waste of a good bullet. You’ve become a monster, Notakar, one of Urgathoa’s playthings. I had hoped that you’d changed your ways, that you had abandoned the path of darkness, and emerged into the light. I believed that you had redeemed yourself. But now, my eyes have been opened. There is no redemption for a foul monstrosity, such as yourself.”**
* **“Eyy, come on, I’m not all bad!” laughed Kawkrookitar with a nasty grin. “I helped beat Korvinox and stop the scourge, didn’t I?”**
* **Lekkunar hissed, “Perhaps you did. But I have no doubt that if Urgathoa commanded you to continue spreading the scourge across the world, you would do so without hesitation. Like a loyal puppet. Snap out of this trance Urgathoa has put you in, Notakar! That’s all you are to her, don’t you see? An expendable puppet!” Kaw’s beak-grin broadened. “What’s wrong with that?” he asked. “Being a goddess’ puppet ain’t half bad. Better than being a beggar at least.”  He slunk backwards into the shadows while wringing his crow-hands. “There’s no more time to waste!” Lekkunar cried with all his remaining strength. “Destroy the elemental crystals!”**
* **“I’ll get this one!” Aigee said, pointing to the red one which represented FIRE. He gave it a big ol’ hug, and the crystal promptly exploded in a beautiful array of flames in his face. “I’m okay!” the Fireproof Goo yelled, giving a thumbs-up. This thumbs up triggered a repressed memory within Bongo; his subconscious recalled a similar thumbs-up being performed by a certain FBI agent.**
* **Skimp took out the final three crystals, AIR, WATER, and EARTH, firing three perfectly-aimed arrows with his trusty short bow.  As the final crystal explodes in a burst of elemental energy, the scourge fades away and Lekkunar’s once supple, feathered body starts to harden into a resinous material much akin to the stone that made up the statues from Baronel. Lekkunar’s Death Theme plays. As the stone crawls further up to his face, he looks at peace. Kaw watches as his brother, his only family, dies before him. Sorrow creeps into his foul heart. After so many years spent only looking out for himself, the compassion to save Lekkunar deeply troubles him. These conflicting emotions tear away at the remains of his rotten soul.**
* **His lifeless white eyes drift down to the bone scythe clutched in his hands, the bones of Scazzle,who had once saved his life when he first encountered Korvinox at the cannibal feast. Loyal old Scazzle, who Kaw had betrayed and killed without hesitation to appease Urgathoa. Now will I betray my own brother? The only family I’ve got? The crow asked himself. Have I fallen so far? From his cloak the oracle drew the Nine Of Hearts. I could use this wish to get Lekkunar outta this bind. After all the times he’s helped me out in the past, I definitely owe him one. But then again… I could use this wish for myself. After all, Lekkunar’s the one that got himself into this mess in the first place when he stormed off on his own. It’s his own fault, so he ought to pay the price. Unknown to Kaw, Lekkunar’s fate was not his fault; it was the fault of the card Urgathoa made him draw.**
* **Besides, just think of all the things I could do with this wish. Kaw imagined all the gold and treasure he could wish for. He could even wish for Urgathoa to return his affection. Or, he could wish for the powers of a daemon, which’d be pretty neat.**
* **Kaw argued with himself for several minutes, until Urgathoa’s cold voice spoke up within his mind, Do not waste your wish upon that foolish brother of yours. He was quite angry with you only minutes ago. He said many hurtful things. So why should you show him any kindness now? A disturbing grin crept across Kaw’s beak-face. Turning to gaze upon Urgathoa, he hissed, “Whatever you say, m’lady.” Then he blew her a kiss, which she instantly rejected.**
* **The bois then prepared to depart the Scourge room. Skimp remarked, “R.I.P, crow boy.” to Lekkunar with a nod of his head. Bongo gave the stone tengu a thumbs up and murmured, “I’ll see you in Nirvana, old friend.” Aigee completely ignored the sorrowfulness of the situation and happily Jester Jaunted back out without a word to Lekkunar.**
* **Once everybody had made it out of the hole, Urgathoa approached them and told Kaw, “Now that you’ve defeated the scourge, there must be a new affliction to take its place. A plague, which will spread rapidly across the world, killing everyone slowly and painfully. But since you and your friends have kept me entertained for the past couple weeks, I suppose I’ll make the five of you immune to this plague, so that you may watch as the world around you slowly rots away! Ha ha!” “NO DEAL!!!!!” Bongo roared. The bois argued amongst themselves for many minutes, the good-aligned members of the party were strongly against the plague, but Kaw didn’t really care one way or the other as long as the disease wouldn’t affect him.**
* **Finally, the ol’ crow told Urgathoa, “How about this? The five of us are immune to the plague, and so are all the people we meet along the way on our journeys. The plague won’t start to spread until the five of us are long dead, and the plague’ll only infect half of the world population. Does that sound good?”**
* **Urgathoa wasn’t too thrilled about this, but she was quickly growing tired of the fussy heroes, and with a sigh she agreed just so they’d stop screaming.**
* **With nowhere left to turn, the group called upon the Old Man Vulkyn, expecting him to teleport them out of this horrid place. Oh no. It’s the moment everyone dreads, when Vulkyn goes from being cheery to absolutely furious.**
* **“WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT!!!”**
* **The bois cower before Vulkyn, fearing his wrath. To Bongo’s utter dismay, Vulkyn lifts the syrup jug and cries, “Fill my mouth with that thick, sweet juice!” before taking a mighty slurp and promptly vomiting upon Skimp. The substance doesn’t even resemble syrup, it looks more like a moldy, viscous, black goo. Skimp begins whining like a newborn rat pup.**
* **“This is no time to be foolin’ around old man!” Bongo cried at Vulkyn, “Teleport us all back to Koryn! And feeblemind this cretin!” he pointed to Korvinox’s unconscious body.**
* **“Oooooh mairzy doats and dozy doats and liddle lamzy divey!” Vulkyn begin singing, “A kiddley divey too, wouldn’t you?”**
* **“What the hell are you jiving about up there old geezer?!” Bongo demanded.**
* **“Hahaha! If the words sound queer and funny to your ear, a little jumbled and jivey, sing: ‘Mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy!!!’ Hahaha!” the madman finished his jolly tune.**
* **With his first song finished, Vulkyn demanded silence from the audience for his next number. He conjured up a show stage for his next performance. The stage was outfitted with red curtain backdrops, six illuminescent stage lights, and a single microphone on a stand in the middle of the stage. All of the lights went out.**
* **With the crowd silenced, Vulkyn grabbed the mic and began, “I got idea man….You take me for a walk….! Under the sycamore...tree! The dark trees that blow... baby!! In the dark trees...that blow!!” the stage lights turned on.**
* **“And I’ll see you…..” Suddenly Aigee ran up and grabbed the mic, “And you’ll see me…..!” his voice was perfectly in tune with Vulkyn’s, who took the mic back and continued, “And I’ll see you in the branches...that blow...in...the breeze!” Vulkyn conjured up another microphone for Aigee, declaring that the song was now a duet. The two sang in perfect harmony, creating the most perfect sounding music ever created by mortals.**
* **“I’ll see you… in the trees….! I’ll see you...in the trees! Under...the sycamore…...treeeeeeeee…!” The instrumentals began their solo. After it was finished, Vulkyn and The Goo continued, “And I’ll….. Seeeee you…. And you’ll seeeeeee me! And I’ll seeeee you...in the branches...that blow….in the breeze…..!  I’ll see you...in the trees. I’ll see you in the trees. Under...the sycamore...treeeeee…!” The beautiful jazz number concluded.**
* **The audience, which now consisted of thousands of adoring fans, applauded for Vulkyn and Aigee, and threw roses.**
* **After that whole fiasco, Vulkyn teleported the crowd and the showstage away, he took a deep breath, “Shoo-wee! Sorry to take up so much of your time bois. Now! Let’s get back to Koryn.” he laughed.**
* **Skimp uses his magical card to conjure a portal to the gates of Koryn The card conjures up a gigantic, magical sphere, almost like a massive crystal ball, inside which the Bois can see the tall gates of Koryn. Bongo and the Brahs swooced right into the portal and appeared on the other side, at the gates of Koryn. After weeks of breathing only the thin, sandy air of Phylum and the thick, dusty air of Abbadon, the bois finally breathe the fresh, cool breeze of the Ishandryn Empire.**
* **“Ahh, it’s good to be back!” Aigee cried with glee as he danced in the breeze. BIG Nadine looked down at herself, and, aha! BIG Nadine was no more, and James Hurley was back in town in her voluptuous female form! The MAGNUM DONG had completely vanished.**
* **“Vulkyn!” Bongo demanded, “Feeblemind Korvinox, already!”**
* **“Oh alright!” the crazy geezer wailed. He pointed his finger at the unconscious drow. And, with a snap, Korvinox was now a mostly brain-dead idiot that could only scream the names of the heroes that thwarted him. The Bois wanted to pester the screaming little cretin, but he would be unconscious for another couple of hours.**
* **“Let’s go back to Telvar, now.” Skimp said, “Actually, Vulkyn could you just teleport him here?”**
* **“That Ironmine fellow? Sure.” he snapped his fingers once more and Telvar appeared before them, looking razzle-dazzled.**
* **“What the-!” the psychic exclaimed, “Vulkyn! And you five!” he looked at the Bois, his eyes wide with astonishment.“You’re back! You’re finally back! We all thought you were dead, you’ve been gone for two weeks! We heard all about the scourge! How did you survive that?!”**
* **“It’s a long story…” Kaw grumbled, “We’ll have to tell ya some other time.”**
* **“Alright, look here.” Vulkyn interrupted, “I know you want me to read some brain jacker’s mind, but I already know where you need to go. Just head to Lokryn’s Academy. In there, you’ll find pretty much anything you’d ever want to know. Including the knowledge to defeat the Itholids, or whatever.”**
* **“Lokryn’s Academy?” Telvar spoke, slapping a hand to his brow, “Why didn’t I think of that?”**
* **The Bois’ mission was now clear: journey to the academy, learn about the Itholids, then take ‘em down! An easy task for Bongo and the Barack Obamas. Telvar trundled on back his laboratory. And Vulkyn, too, was about to depart. (Vulkyn’s Theme began playing)**
* **“Wait, old man! You forgot your gift!” Bongo cried, pointing to Korvinox, “He’s yours to keep and to do whatever you want with.”**
* **“My own personal plaything? Oh thank you thank you!” the geezer babbled. Vulkyn shrunk Korvinox down to only three apples high. “My very own little boy!” Vulkyn cheered.**
* **“Before you go, can you wake him up for us, so we can ‘tell him goodbye?’” Aigee asked.**
* **“Oh, sure why not!” Vulkyn used a wish to instantly wake the little boy from his rest, “Wakey wakey, little guy!”**
* **Tiny Korvinox opened his pea-sized eyes and instantly let out a scream of terror, “BONGO! SKIMP! KAWKROOKITAR! AIGEE-GORG! BIG NADINE!” the bois laughed and laughed at the miniscule drow, except for James, who was not laughing. Fury burned within her eyes the very second she heard Tiny Korvinox misidentify and misgender her.**
* **“MY NAME. IS JAMES.” the panda shouted as she went in for a boosh against the tiny guy, “JAMES...! HURLEY!!!” her honey-covered fist impacted the little welp, sending him flying across the land. James stood triumphant, as an independent panda woman who didn’t need some tiny, cisgender drow judging her.**
* **Vulkyn, like the good father he now was, teleported Tiny Korvinox back to him, into his hands. “You stay away from my child!” he cried as he shooed the bois away. “We’ll be taking our leave now!” he scoffed before teleporting back his beloved mountain, taking his theme song with him.**
* **With Vulkyn and his son out of sight, Bongo and the Basketweavers marched into town, relentlessly pounding any that stood in their path, to greet their friends they hadn’t seen in two weeks. First stop was Gyystoph and Dyrli’s place. “How ya doin’, Dyrli?” Gorg asked her. “Good to see you’re not all fleshy anymore.” Confused, she asked, “What do you mean?” “Nevermind the goo kid,” said Bongo, holding out his hand, revealing the stub of his severed finger. Skimp and Aigee do the same. “Do you think Disgusting can hook us up with some mechanical fingers?” he asked. “By the way, where is that old bloke? Is he still working on that secret project of his? Also, is something strange about him?” Gyystoph’s Theme began playing.**
* **Dyrli took the bois to Gyystoph’s back room, where Disgusting kept his collection of helpless children locked within rusty iron cages. As the bois walked into the room, Gyystoph quickly threw a large sheet over the rusty cages so that nobody would find about his dark secret. “Oh hello friends! I wasn’t doing anything just now! How are you all?!” Gyystoph jovially hollered. This was not the same Disgusting that the bois knew, alas, this duergar was completely metallic, no skin on him!**
* **“Hey, what was in those cages? I thought I saw something squirmin’ around in there.” Aigee asked. When nobody was looking, Disgusting knocked Gorg unconscious with his large metal hand. “So anyway,” Gyystoph said, “I am made of metal now, eh? Pretty strange isn’t it?! I just woke up one morning and I was like this!”**
* **The bois tried explaining that Urgathoa drew a card from the Deck of Many Things for Gyystoph that turned him into a metal man. And, despite this being the truth, Disgusting didn’t believe the “tall tale” the bois were telling.**
* **“It’s the truth, old man!” Kaw squealed, dangling from the ceiling.**
* **“Ehh, whatever. So you need more fingers, I’ll have them for you tomorrow. Anything else you need?” the blimey asked.**
* **“Yeah! Turn the end of my mechanical tail into a lockpick!” Skimp hissed, scuttling along the floor of the shop like a dirty crustacean, frothing at the mouth and turning completely savage. Gyystoph gave Skimp a rabies shot, calming the rat down. It wasn’t enough though and Skimp turns into an actual animal, tears his clothes off revealing his COLOSSAL penis, and slaughters the town of Koryn, much to Aigee-Gorg’s and Kawk’s pleasure. “DINNER TIME!” The Skimp Beast cried as he bangs his titanium rod against a large metal triangle. Aigee and Kaw get their forks and knives ready and start gettin down to business. Meanwhile, James and Bongo are busy counting raisins. After several minutes spent diligently counting, Bongo finally determines that there are two-hundred and three raisins in total and stands up to say, “Raisins, two hundred and three. MMMMMMMM!!!”**
* **After that fever dream, Gyystoph snapped back to reality and said, “Alright, a lockpick tail! Can do! Can do!” the bloke gurgled, as though his mouth was filled with some sort of thick, sweet juice that turned out to be nasty oil which he promptly spat out upon the ground with a loud moan. “Hey, you boys want to see the secret project I’ve been workin’ on?”**
* **“No,” they all say in perfect unison, their voices devoid of emotion. Disgusting is utterly crushed, like a cockroach squashed beneath a hydraulic press, but he firmly insisted that they take a look at his project, for according to him, “It shall revolutionize both long-distance travel and warfare as we know it!” “Fine,” the Bois sigh. Gyystoph takes them even farther back into a secret room, ignoring the rustling in the cages and the copious amounts of sus that covered the walls.**
* **The Bois are astounded when Gyystoph reveals his secret project: a marvelous ship with tall masts, hoisted sails, and steel plating. The ship also possesses numerous cannons and swivel guns. It is a fine vessel, but what truly makes it magnificent are the massive thrusters that’ve been installed. Gyystoph, by combining magic and machinery, has constructed a glorious flying ship! “Behold!” he tells them. “I call her The Glazomer!”**
* **Bongo makes an odd popping noise, then echoes, “Nice.” in an out-of-character British accent.**
* **“Looks nice an’ all, but I ain’t too keen on the name!” Kaw hisses, making exaggerated hand gestures, “I say we call it…” he ponders for a moment,  “The Skyfoogle! THE FIERCEST. SHIP. IN THE WORLD.” he announces triumphantly. The rest of the bois agree with the name change. Gyystoph reluctantly goes along with it.**
* **The adventurers marvel at the vessel for a while longer, before saying farewell to Disgusting and returning to the streets of Koryn. “Where to now?” Skimp asked. Aigee-Gorg giggled, “Let’s go pay a visit to that ol’ priest! The one that tried to purify Wound!”**
* **Though half of the group are reluctant, the Bois meander on over to the chapel, only to be greeted by a pair of guards who warn them, “Wouldn’t go in there if I were you. The priest has gone mad. He murdered a young cleric, that lad Ezekiel, then barricaded himself inside.”**
* **Crestfallen to hear of Ezekiel's fate, Bongo and Aigee barge into the chapel, whilst Kaw, Skimp, and James stay on the sidewalk hangin’ with the guards.**
* **Inside, the chapel is dark and the walls are smeared with blood and gore. The floor is littered with flayed corpses. Stomping upon the dead bodies, Bongo and Aigee confront the mad priest in his lair. The priest hisses at the two, “Who dares enter my house of pain? Leave this place at once!”  Wringing his blood-stained hands, he mutters feverishly under his breath about Wound, and some random bloke he calls Kaldor the Usurper.**
* **“Look here, ol’ man,” Bongo grunts, holding out his huge hand. In his palm lay a small pile of ashes. “These are the ashes of Wound. The blade is no more. I command you to cease this madness.”**
* **Despite this undeniable proof, the priest refuses to believe the truth and once again demands the two of them get out. The goliath and the goo reluctantly give one last look at the priest (who is now climbing the ceiling with his black, forked tongue licking at the air, trying to get a taste of Wound), then depart the bloody madhouse.**
* **“Any luck?” Skimp asks when Aigee and Bongo return. “Nope,” Bongo tells him. “The bloke is too far gone.”**
* **With that shabang out of the way, the Bois decide to head over to Urtarr. After offering the grubby cretin the scales, wing membrane, fangs, and claws of the Adult Crypt Dragon (along with the gleaming Adamantine Sword and the horned daemon skull) Urtarr agrees to craft a legendary, powerful weapon for Bongo, some dragonscale armor for Thgil, and a dragon cloak for Skimp out of the materials. GOTTA BLAST!!! But before the bois blast off, Gorg stops at the alchemist’s shop. The alchemist, a small, slimy fellow named Braxsum, takes Aigee’s dragon eyeballs and promises to brew a powerful potion for the “sulli.”**
* **After that, Kaw croaked, “Welp, let’s get a move on to Maldrek to get paid!” The heroes march on over to the Field Commander and demand their pay. However, when they enter Maldrek’s place, they hear a loud SLAMMING upstairs. “What’s goin’ on up there?” Skimp shouted up the stairs. The raspy voice of an elderly man calls back down, “Nothing to worry about! I’m just learning how to walk!” Exchanging confused glances, the Bois trundle up the stairs and find a big ol’ construct bumbling around. It could manage only a few wobbly steps before falling face-first onto the floor. Skimp helps the construct to its feet, then gasps when the construct says, “Skimp? Is that you?! Long time no see, old friend!”  Klistmar’s Theme begins.**
* **“You know this bloke?” Bongo asks. Skimp is silent for a moment, absolutely stunned. Then he asks, “Klistmar?” The construct claps the rat on the shoulder and laughs, “Yes, it is I! I’m still trying to get the hang of this new body! Once I’m able to walk in a straight line again, I plan to join you and your comrades on your journeys! And perhaps I can teach you a thing or two about magic along the way!” “It’s good to have ya back,” says Skimp, barely holding back his tears of joy.**
* **Klistmar looked to the rest of the bois, “Ah! And it’s so nice to meet you all! I’m sure we’ll became the best of friends!” Bongo held out his hand to shake Klistmar’s, “Pleased to meet you, old crone.” he said. James stepped forward and offered her hand, but when the construct went to shake it, James retracted, “Hands off, you lethargic geezer!” she yelled, triggered that some perverted old lecher would dare come near her. Aigee approached, “How do ya do, Klistmar?” he asked kindly, before slapping his gooey body onto the construct like a parasite, attempting to infect Klistmar with The Goo. However, Klistmar’s cold steel body rejects The Goo’s control.**
* **Klistmar stepped away in disgust, “Ugh! Skimp, w-what is that… thing?!” Skimp shrugged, “Eh, that’s just Aigee. He may look weird, but he’s no harm to you. You could probably just squash him if you wanted to.” Kawkrookitar slinked towards the old construct, his battered crow arm outstretched, ready for an awkward handshake. Klistmar reluctantly obliged, “You have an odd look about you…” he muttered. Kaw did not reply, but kept shaking the old man’s metallic hand while giving him a large, disturbing grin. This handshake continued for several silent minutes, until finally Klistmar pulled away his hand. Kaw continued to shake the air, still grinning. “Well, you sure are… interesting….” Klistmar said, staring into Kaw’s lifeless eyes. The crow made a strange gurgling sound in the back of his throat before returning to the shadows.**
* **“Oh, by the way, old bloke,” Bongo piped up, holding out the Richael Mosen Crystal,  “I took this stupid thing from some construct in Abbadon. Maybe you could use it somehow.” he handed it to Klistmar who replied, “Thanks. Maybe I can make something useful!”**
* **“Now let’s get paid!” Skimp squeals, scurrying back downstairs to find the Field Commander, his theme accompanying him.**
* **Maldrek offers them a deal: they can either get paid with gold for completing their mission, or they can have the flying ship Disgusting constructed. The Bois huddle up and whisper amongst themselves for a second, then they ask, “Who’s the captain of the ship?” Maldrek replies, “That’s up to you to decide.” All eyes fall upon James, who grabs Maldrek by the collar of his shirt and snarls into his face, “LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!!!!! I’M THE CAPTAIN NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”**
* **“I-I guess you’ll take the ship then…” Maldrek whimpered. James released him and he collapsed to the floor in the fetal position. “Well, then, if there’s nothing more to discuss, you five should probably-”**
* **“Shut up for a second, I’m doin’ this.” Bongo loudly interrupted as he began scrying on his wolf Thgil.**
* **Bongo experiences a vision of his beloved wolf, and is appalled by what he sees. He watches as Thgil takes a leisurely stroll through the halls of the castle he’s taken control of, staring down impassively at the shredded bodies strewn about on the floor. The wolf’s  fangs and claws are still dripping with blood. What’s horrifying is that Thgil is walking upright on his hind legs in an extremely creepy fashion. Pushing open a large door, the wolf enters a vast throne room and takes a seat. The vision ends, and Bongo is left flabbergasted. The druid describes the vision to Maldrek, but the sobbing bloke has no pertinent information that could help locate Thgil. Disappointed, the bois leave Maldrek’s quarters.**
* **“Well, I dunno about you fellas, but I could go for a drink right about now!” Kaw chuckles, leading the way over to the tavern as the sun starts setting and night begins settling over Koryn. Klistmar stays behind to continue practicing moving around in his new metallic body. The Bois stroll on into the tavern and are joyously greeted by Bourbon, who hasn’t seen his best customers in about two weeks. “My friends! So good to see you again!” he cries.**
* **“Enough chit chat,” Skimp grumbles, holding out one of his ratty hands. “You know why I’m here.” “Of course! Of course!” Bourbon laughs. “It’s Showertime!” he then passes a fancy key over to Skimp, which unlocks the door to his very own personal shower upstairs. Skimp marches up the stairs and stands completely still inside the shower for the rest of the night. Aigee also wiggles upstairs into a shower. All the soapy shower water soaks into his goo, causing him to expand ten times his normal size. James Hurley orders the usual, and Bourbon slams a butterbeer onto the counter. He then SLAMS a glass of water into Bongo’s outstretched hand. Bongo, knowing that Bourbon was never content with just serving water, purifies the drink before consuming it, much to the bartender’s disappointment.**
* **“And what will you have, bird man?” he asks Kaw. The tengu chuckles hoarsely, “Gimme the scorched engine oil.” Bongo and James glance at Kaw with brows furrowed and eyebrows raised, but do not question the oracle’s choice of beverage; at this point, nothing Kaw does is very surprising. Not even Kaw is certain why he desires this oil, he simply feels deep down that it is necessary for what he has planned.**
* **Bourbon rushes out the backdoor and returns a second later with a can of oil he took from Disgusting. The barkeep holds a lighter to the can for a few minutes until it is thoroughly scorched. “There you have it, my fine fellow!” says Bourbon, passing the smoking, bubbling concoction over to Kaw. “This place got any dark rooms?” the oracle asks. “Any dark, secluded rooms?” Bourbon answers with a shrug, “The attic is pretty dark and secluded, I suppose.” “Perfect,” Kaw hisses, then creeps upstairs and into the pitch-black attic. Using his dark vision, Kaw searches through all the musty crates until he finds twelve candles, which he assembles into a circle and ignites with spark. He sits the scorched engine oil in the center of the candles, then takes the Nine Of Hearts out of his pocket.**
* **For a moment, his mind wanders to Lekkunar. A part of him feels that allowing his brother to die was a horrible mistake. But it’s too late to turn back, so lifting the wish-card, he thinks, I wanna be a hybrid of tengu and daemon! With my crafty knowledge combined with the brawn of a daemon, combined with my trusty stench suit, I’ll be unstoppable! The card crumbles into grey powder that falls into the oil with a hiss.**
* **Kaw goes in for the big ole grasp, and for the first time in his life, the big ole grasp succeeds.**
* **He lifts the jug and fills his mouth with the thick, sweet juice and instantly dies.**
* **… or so he thought. The scorched oil burns inside his stomach, causing unimaginable agony. He curls up on the floor, writhing in immense pain. From the shadows of the attic emerged Urgathoa, who says coldly, “It’s good to see that you’ve used your wish wisely. I was somewhat expecting that you’d use your wish to save that filthy brother of yours. But in my heart, I knew that you’d let him die. You’re nowhere near as powerful as Korvinox used to be, and thus, you do not deserve to be my champion. However, you are quite amusing, so I’ll keep my eye on you, and pop in from time to time if you need me. Take this,” she tossed an old, large, frayed cloak at the squirming tengu, “you’ll need it. Ha ha ha!” She then vanished, and the candles all went out at the same time.**
* **Kaw’s Transformation Theme begins to play at .75 speed.**
* **In the sudden darkness, Kaw undergoes a monstrous, agonizing transformation into an unholy hybrid of tengu and daemon. The nauseating stench of scorched engine oil hangs in the air.**
* **With an echoing CRACK! his jaws snap, and his mouth hangs open agape. Blood gushes out of his lifeless eyes. His tongue grows longer, lolling out the side of his gaping, fanged beak. His fingers stretch into long, jagged claws. The skin on his arms and face becomes charred, as if roasted by hellish flames. His neck snaps to the side, and his spine hunches. A long, slimy tentacle sprouts out of his shoulder, thrashing wildly through the air.**
* **The transformed Kaw unleashes the horrid, echoing, bone-chilling scream, “FIRE WALK WITH ME!”, as he starts slamming against the walls of the attic in pain.**
* **Outside, lightning flashes, and for an instant the attic is filled with blinding white light. In that single instant, Kaw catches a fleeting glimpse of a ragged-looking scoundrel lurking in the corner of the room. The man has a filthy mane of grey hair, and wears a denim jacket, a dark blue button up, faded jeans, and work boots. He is the very same ragged man that had helped Korvinox slaughter the residents of the Black Lodge. The man grins maniacally, and howls like an enraged animal back at the tengu-daemon, “BE QUIET.”**
* **The grey-haired scoundrel vanishes as suddenly as he appeared.**
* **Downstairs, Bongo and James hear all the commotion but think little of it, assuming that Kaw is probably just assaulting someone in the shower, probably Skimp or Aigee.**
* **Bourbon, who can magically see everything that transpires within his tavern, goes deathly pale. His eyes grow very wide. “Oi, what’s the matter with you?” Bongo inquires as the twisted screaming upstairs continues. Bourbon says nothing. He walks into the other room, grabs a mug, returns, and pours himself a drink. “OI!!!” the goliath roars, angry that he’s being ignored. He turns the mead in Bourbon’s mug into water. Bourbon, still remaining silent, goes to get another drink, but the enraged goliath turns that one into water as well. The catatonic barkeep walks into a backroom, slowly shuts the door behind him and locks it.**
* **“What d’you suppose that was all about?” Bongo asked James.**
* **The pandafolk answered, “Give me a donut.”**
* **Bongo gave James a donut that he happened upon in his bindle. The rest of their night was spent enjoying the singing of a vividly blonde-haired girl in a red dress up on the red-curtained stage of the tavern. She began to perform her song The World Spins. Bongo looked to James, who was nodding her head to the music. The mood in the tavern was dark, yet mystical.**
* **“The sun comes up and down each day….” the girl sang. But suddenly, the girl disappeared off of the stage and the music stopped. All that was left were the bright red curtains. James and Bongo looked to each other, both of them them were witnessing this, but all of other patrons seemed completely oblivious to it. Even more suddenly: a strikingly tall, bald man replaced the girl.**
* **The goliath and panda leaned forward, both intrigued and frightened.**
* **“It is happening again.” The Giant announced. “It is happening again.” he repeated. He stared into the unblinking, transfixed eyes of Bongo and James for an extended amount of time, then disappeared. With The Giant’s disappearance, the blonde singer appeared once more, continuing her song as if nothing had happened.**
* **James and Bongo stared at each other, trying to figure out what The Giant’s arrival and subsequence departure could mean.**
* **Suddenly, Bourbon groggily trundled out of his backroom, his beard sticky with alcohol, his eyes dark and small. He slowly approached the two, bringing the smell of stale swill with him. He put one worn, old hand on James’ shoulder and muttered to the pair, “I’m so sorry.” He patted the panda’s shoulder, then sauntered back into the backroom. Bongo and James looked at each other one last time.**
* **“The river flows out to the sea……..” the blonde singer sang as the monk and druid drifted off to sleep.**
* **SESSION END!**