We Don't Fight at Weddings

**We Don't Fight at Weddings** is the first episode of Season 5 of *Letterkenny*.

## Synopsis

The Hicks, Skids and Hockey Players attend a Letterkenny wedding.

## Cold Open

At the Hicks watch the fireworks at the Great Day for Thunder Bay party, Wayne quietly slips away to join Tanis in the barn.

The characters then recount what happened next, each character providing a different characterization. Wayne did not, in fact, cheat on Rosie, but got in the truck and drove over to see her. Rosie, however, tells him she is moving to Vancouver—giving Wayne a "get out of jail free card," and the chance for him and Tanis to "give it the ol' college try."

> Good stuff. — Wayne
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## Plot Summary

At the farmhouse kitchen, the Hicks are excited for Ron and Dax's non-summer wedding. Daryl is jealous of gals at summer weddings; Dan and Wayne agree that the warm weather can make it moist, a term Katy objects to. He riffs on "moist," and Katy warns him that she will fight him. He retorts, "We don't fight at weddings."

Daryl will attend the wedding wearing his "dad suit," which he got for a grade 13 semi-formal from the Letterkenny Op shop. Dan will rock a kilt, like his grandpas and his grandpas before him.

> A little class, a little sass and a lot of ass all in one tartans garments. — Dan
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Wayne will wear one of his two suits, the other suit being for funerals. Since Ron is from the city, Katy worries that the wedding will be full of "citiots," but appreciates the sexual opportunities the wedding will offer. They drink to that.

The Hicks enter the reception hall, as well as Tanis, in a red dress, who is Wayne's date. They discuss how hooking up with someone with the same name, or that of a relative, would be off-putting. Katy agrees there's no way she could do it with a Wayne, unless it was Gretzky, or Rostad, or Newton.

Ron and Dax welcome them, and Katy joins them to get a drink. Three citiots come over and harass the Hicks and Tanis, mocking their accents. Wayne reminds them that we don't fight at weddings.

The citiots move on to harass Katy and Bonnie, inviting them out to see the back of a BMW X3.

Stewart is DJing the party, and is insulted by Roald's requests for songs like "Brown Eyed Girl" and "Shout" and "Lean on Me," and by McMurray's for the "Chicken Dance."

Ron and Dax tell Reilly and Jonesy the hockey players won't be pulling tonight; " big muscles haven't been popular with the ladies since *Jersey Shore*." They advise them to "bruce up" their look.

The citiots return to chat up Bonnie, Katy, and Tanis.

> Bo: I got you a drink. I swear it's not roofied. (laughter) Yes, it is.
> Dirk: Of course it is. — The Citiots
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Katy reminds the women "we don't fight at weddings," and they walk away.

Jim Dickens approaches Stewart with a list of requests, all Brooks and Dunn songs, starting with the "Boot-Scootin' Boogie." Roald tries to propose other boogies, but Jim is insistent.

> I hoped it wouldn't come to blows over a boogie. But I'll damn well go to blows for the Boot-Scootin' Boogie! — Jim Dickens
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The citiots come over and mock the Hicks again. All are irritated, but Wayne reminds them that "we don't fight at weddings." Katy emphasizes *at weddings*.

The hockey players, meanwhile, have "bruced up" their look. Bonnie and Katy are skeptical, but they insist that prospects are good, even if the one bite is from a woman of 50. Two city girls come over, but they tell them metrosexuality went out of style with the Von Dutch and Chingy. Reilly and Jonesy say they are hockey players, but the girls dismiss them. For one, they sound like poseurs. For another,

> Even if you are hockey players, we are not puck bunnies. We're lacrosse-titutes. — The City girls
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She and Bonnie entice the citiots to the motel as Stewart announces the grooms' dance; the Hicks and Tanis are waiting for them. McMurray and Jim Dickens hold out hope that Stewart will play their song, but instead he plays "Fuck the Pain Away" by Peaches. As the grooms dance, the Hicks beat up the citiots in their hotel room, leaving them bloodied, before returning to the party.

Jim Dickens offers Stewart a shot. The city girls look flirtatiously at Daryl and Dan, and two older ladies with Reilly and Jonesy. On the dance floor, Katy accidentally runs into Wayne dancing with Tanis, and asks if he's looking for trouble. "We don't fight at weddings," he replies.

## Quotes

* Wayne: You are of the opinion that cheaters are in the wrong.
Katy: Like, 95 percent in the wrong.
Jonesy: Bad? Orrr
Tanis: Seduced, fair and square.
Stewart: Antagonized.
Dan: Likely a good persons who just mades a mistake.
* Wayne: That suit is so dad the last time you wore it, it told me the Dire Straits were the greatest band of all time.
Katy: That suit is so dad it ate all the lunch meat on the way home from the grocery store.
Dan: The suit is so dad it owns a VHS copy of The Hunt for Red October.
* Katy: Wayne, I assume you'll be wearing one of only two suits that you own.
Wayne: Two will do you, one for weddings and one for funerals. A good suit lasts you the rest of your life if you take care of it.
Daryl: What would you wear for a court appearance?
Wayne: I've never been arrested.
Dan: What would you wear to a job interviews?
Wayne: I've only ever had one job.
Katy: What would you wear to a bar mitzvah?
Wayne: Not Jewish.
Dan: Bat mitzvahs?
Wayne: Still not Jewish.
* Katy: Top shelf ceremony, boys. Short, sweet, and not too much God.
Daryl: I'm told God doesn't have much time for gays these days, so par for the course, I guess.
* Stewart: Of all the boogies, the Boot-Scootin' is the last one I would and will ever torture myself or others with.

## Running Gags

* Wayne wouldn't kick Tanis out of bed for eating crackers
* Oh, Bonnie McMurray
* Jimmy Dickskin

## Trivia

* Wayne tells Rosie "you won't get many random snowy summer nights like this in Vancouver," a reference to the fact that although the Bay party takes place in the summer, the cold open shows winter scenes.

## Music

According to Tunefind, the following songs were featured in this episode:

* Fuck the Pain Away by Peaches
* All You Really Have To Do by White Denim

## Appearances

* Wayne
* Daryl
* Katy
* Jonesy
* Reilly
* Tanis
* Stewart
* Dan
* Ron
* Dax
* Roald
* McMurray
* Jim Dickens
* City Girl 1 (Sash Striga) and City Girl 2 (Taveeta Szymanowicz)
* The citiots: Bo (Joey Belfiore), Alfie (Chase Cownden), Dirk (Jonathon LeRose)

## Locations

* Farmhouse
* Wedding reception hall
* Motel