Wedding

A **wedding** is a ceremony where two people are united in marriage. Wedding traditions and customs vary greatly between cultures, ethnic groups, religions, countries, and social classes. Most wedding ceremonies involve an exchange of marriage vows by a couple, presentation of a gift (offering, rings, symbolic item, flowers, money, dress), and a public proclamation of marriage by an authority figure or celebrant. Special wedding garments are often worn, and the ceremony is sometimes followed by a wedding reception. Music, poetry, prayers, or readings from religious texts or literature are also commonly incorporated into the ceremony, as well as superstitious customs.

## Common elements across cultures

Some cultures have adopted the traditional Western custom of the white wedding, in which a bride wears a white wedding dress and veil. This tradition was popularized through the marriage of Queen Victoria. Some say Victoria's choice of a white gown may have simply been a sign of extravagance, but may have also been influenced by the values she held which emphasized sexual purity.

The use of a wedding ring has long been part of religious weddings in Europe and America, but the origin of the tradition is unclear. One possibility is the Roman belief in the Vena amoris, which was believed to be a blood vessel that ran from the fourth finger (ring finger) directly to the heart. Thus, when a couple wore rings on this finger, their hearts were connected. Historian Vicki Howard points out that the belief in the "ancient" quality of the practice is most likely a modern invention. In the United States of America, a groom's wedding band has not appeared until the early 20th century, while in Europe it has been part of the tradition since the ancient Romans, as witnessed by the jurist Gaius.

The exit from the wedding ceremony is also called the "send off", and often includes traditional practices, such as the newlyweds and the wedding party bowing and kissing the knees of the elders in Ethiopian weddings. The send off often includes throwing rice (a symbol of prosperity and fertility) or other seeds at the newlyweds in most of the Western world, as well as for example India and Malaysia. Despite fears of the opposite, the use of uncooked rice for this purpose is not harmful to birds. Shoe tossing in place of rice has also been used in several cultures.

The wedding ceremony is often followed by wedding reception or a wedding breakfast, in which the rituals may include speeches from a groom, best man, father of a bride and possibly a bride, the newlyweds' first dance as a couple, and the cutting of an elegant wedding cake. In recent years traditions have changed to include a father-daughter dance for a bride and her father, and sometimes also a mother-son dance for a groom and his mother.

## Traditional wedding attire

* Western dress code
	+ Wedding dress (or bridal gown), a special dress worn by a bride.
	+ Traditional western wedding veil Wedding veil, popularized by Queen Victoria, was a long-held custom in which the 'purity' and 'innocence' of the bride could thwart away evil spirits.
	+ Morning dress, western daytime formal dress
	+ White tie ("evening dress" in the U.K; very formal evening attire)
	+ Black tie or Evening Suit ("dinner jacket" in the U.K; often referred to as a "tuxedo" in the U.S. and Canada; traditionally appropriate only for use after 6:00 p.m.
	+ Stroller
	+ Lounge suit
	+ Non-traditional "tuxedo" variants (colored jackets/ties, "wedding suits")
* Ao dai, traditional garments of Vietnam
* Barong Tagalog, an embroidered, formal men's garment of the Philippines
* Batik and Kebaya, a garment worn by the Javanese people of Indonesia and also by the Malay people of Malaysia
* Dashiki, the traditional West African wedding attire
* Dhoti, male garment in South India
* Hanbok, the traditional garment of Korea
* Kilt, male garment particular to Scottish culture
* Kittel, a white robe worn by the groom at an Orthodox Jewish wedding. The kittel is worn only under the chuppah, and is removed before the reception.
* Qun Gua or Kua (裙褂 pinyin *qún guà*, Cantonese *kwàhn kwáa*), Chinese traditional formal wear. This can be in the form of a qipao or hanfu.
* Ribbon shirt, often worn by American Indian men on auspicious occasions, such as weddings, another common custom is to wrap bride and groom in a blanket
* Sampot, traditional dress in Cambodia
* Sari/Lehenga, Indian popular and traditional dress in India
* Seshweshe, a female dress worn by the Basotho women during special ceremonies. Although it has recently been adopted to men attire as well.
* Sherwani, a long coat-like garment worn in South Asia
* Shiromuku Kimono, a traditional wedding garment in Japan
* Tiara, or wedding crown, worn by Syrian and Greek couples (which are called "τα στέφανα," which literally means "wreaths") and Scandinavian brides
* Topor, a type of conical headgear traditionally worn by grooms as part of the Bengali Hindu wedding ceremony

## Wedding music

### Western weddings

Music played at Western weddings includes a processional song for walking down the aisle (ex: wedding march) either before or after the marriage service. An example of such use is reported in the wedding of Nora Robinson and Alexander Kirkman Finlay in 1878.

The "Bridal Chorus" from *Lohengrin* by Richard Wagner, commonly known as "Here Comes the Bride", is often used as the processional. Wagner is said to have been anti-Semitic, and as a result, the Bridal Chorus is normally not used at Jewish weddings. UK law forbids music with any religious connotations to be used in a civil ceremony.

Johann Pachelbel's Canon in D is an alternative processional. Other alternatives include various contemporary melodies, such as Bob Marley's One Love, which is sometimes performed by a steel drum band. The Music used in modern weddings is left completely up to the Bride and Groom and it is also becoming growingly popular for couples to add their own twist to the song they walk down the aisle to. Many Brides and Grooms use songs that are sentimental or hold special value to them.

In the United States, approximately 2 million people get married each year and close to 70 million people attend a wedding and spend more than $100 on a gift.

In the United Kingdom, according to a survey, the average spend minimum spend on a wedding gift is £24.70 and the average maximum spend is £111.46. 85% of people said that they were more likely to spend more money on a person if they had a better relationship with them.

## Customs associated with various religions and cultures

### Christian customs

Most Christian churches give some form of blessing to a marriage, which is seen as a sacred institution in some sense, although terminology and associated theological meanings vary widely from one denomination to another: e.g., "holy matrimony," "sacrament of marriage," "holy ordinance of marriage," "holy union," and so forth.

A celebration of Holy Matrimony typically includes mutual vows or solemn promises of lifelong love and fidelity by the couple, and may include some sort of pledge by the community to support the couple's relationship. A *church wedding* is a ceremony held in a church and presided over by a Christian pastor. Traditionally, Christian weddings occur in a church as Christian marriage ideally begins where one also starts their faith journey (Christians receive the sacrament of baptism in church in the presence of their congregation). Catholic Christian weddings must "take place in a church building" as holy matrimony is a sacrament; sacraments normatively occur in the presence of Christ in the house of God, and "members of the faith community [should be] present to witness the event and provide support and encouragement for those celebrating the sacrament." Bishops never grant permission "to those requesting to be married in a garden, on the beach, or some other place outside of the church" and a dispensation is only granted "in extraordinary circumstances (for example, if a bride or groom is ill or disabled and unable to come to the church)." Marriage in the church, for Christians, is seen as contributing to the fruit of the newlywed couple regularly attending church each Lord's Day and raising children in the faith.

Wedding ceremonies typically contain prayers and readings from the Holy Bible and reflect the church's teachings about the spiritual significance of marriage, as well as its purpose and obligations. The wedding service often includes the reception of Holy Communion, especially in the context of Mass (as with Catholicism, Lutheranism, and Anglicanism). In some traditional weddings of Western Christianity (especially Catholicism, Lutheranism and Anglicanism), a 'care cloth' or 'nuptial veil' (*velatio nuptialis*) "signifying a marriage yoke joining the bride and groom together" may be held over the kneeling couple during the nuptial blessing given by the priest.

Pre-marital counseling may be urged or required for the engaged couple. In some Christian countries or denominations, a betrothal rite, as well as the reading of banns of marriage may also be required before the wedding date.

In the Roman Catholic Church, Holy Matrimony is considered to be one of the seven sacraments, in this case, one that the spouses bestow upon each other in front of a priest and members of the community as witnesses. As with all sacraments, it is seen as having been instituted by Jesus himself (see Gospel of Matthew 19:1–2, Catechism of the Catholic Church §1614–1615). In the Eastern Orthodox Church, it is one of the Mysteries and is seen as an ordination and a martyrdom. The Christian wedding ceremony of Saint Thomas Christians, an ethnoreligious group of Christians in India, incorporates elements from local Indian traditions. Protestant weddings may be elaborate (as with Lutheranism and Anglicanism) or simple (as with Baptists). For example, in the United Methodist Church, the Service of Christian Marriage (Rite I) includes the elements found in a typical Sunday service, such as hymns, prayers, and readings from the Bible, as well as other elements unique to a wedding, including taking marriage vows and an optional exchange of wedding rings, as well as a special benediction for the couple. Holy Communion may be part of the wedding service in liturgical Protestant churches (e.g., Lutheran, Anglican, or Methodist), but is rarely, if ever, found in weddings of other low-church Protestant denominations (e.g., Baptists).

A Quaker wedding ceremony in a Friends meeting is similar to any other meeting for worship, and therefore often very different from the experience expected by non-Friends.

In some Western countries, a separate and secular civil wedding ceremony is required for recognition by the state, while in other Western countries, couples must merely obtain a marriage license from a local government authority and can be married by Christian or other clergy authorized by law to do so.

Since the beginning of the 21st century, same-sex couples have been allowed to marry civilly in many countries, and some Christian churches in those countries allow religious marriages of same-sex couples, though some forbid it. See the article Same-sex marriage.

### Hindu customs

Hindu ceremonies are usually conducted totally or at least partially in Sanskrit, the language of the Hindu scriptures. The wedding celebrations may last for several days and they can be extremely diverse, depending upon the region, denomination, and community. Mehendi ceremony is a traditional ritual in Hindu weddings, where Henna application takes place on the bride's hands and legs, before the wedding. On the wedding day, the bride and the bridegroom garland each other in front of the guests. Most guests witness only this short ceremony and then socialize, have food, and leave. The religious part (if applicable) comes hours later, witnessed by close friends and relatives. In cases where a religious ceremony is present, a Brahmin (Hindu priest) arranges a sacred *yajna* (fire-sacrifice), and the sacred fire (Agni) is considered the prime witness (*sākshī*) of the marriage. He chants mantras from the Vedas and subsidiary texts while the couple is seated before the fire. The most important step is *saptapadi* or *saat phere*, wherein the bride and the groom, hand-in-hand, encircle the sacred fire seven times, each circle representing a matrimonial vow. Then the groom marks the bride's hair parting with vermilion (*sindoor*) and puts a gold necklace (*mangalsutra*) around her neck. Or a yellow thread applied with turmeric is knotted around the bride's neck 3 times at marriage. The first knot represents her obedience and respect to her husband, the second one to his parents and the third represents her respect to God. Several other rituals may precede or follow these afore-mentioned rites. Then the bride formally departs from her blood-relatives to join the groom's family.

### Jewish customs

A traditional Jewish wedding usually follows this format:

* Before the ceremony, the couple formalize a written ketubah (marriage contract), specifying the obligations of husband to the wife and contingencies in case of divorce. The ketubah is signed by two witnesses and later read under the chuppah (wedding canopy).
* The couple is married under the chuppah signifying their new home together. The chuppah can be made from a piece of cloth or other material attached to four poles, or a giant tallit (prayer shawl) held over the couple by four family members or friends.
* The wedding couple is accompanied by both sets of parents and they join the wedding couple under the chuppah.
	+ In Orthodox Jewish weddings, the bride is accompanied to the chuppah by both mothers, and the groom is accompanied to the chuppah by both fathers.
* Seven blessings are recited, blessing the bride and groom and their new home.
* The couple sip a glass of wine from a Kiddush cup.
* The groom will smash a wine glass with his right foot, ostensibly in remembrance of the destruction of the Second Temple.
	+ In Reform Jewish weddings, the bride and groom can smash the wine glass together.
* At some weddings, the couple may declare that each is sanctified to the other, repeat other vows and exchange rings.
	+ In Orthodox Jewish weddings, the bride does not speak under the chuppah and only she receives a ring. The groom recites "Harei at mekudeshet li k'dat Moshe V'Yisrael"- "behold you are [thus] sanctified to me by the law of Moses and Israel" as he places the ring on the bride's right index finger. The bride's silence and acceptance of the ring signify her agreement to the marriage. This part of the ceremony is called kiddushin. The groom's giving an object of value to the bride is necessary for the wedding to be valid.
	+ In more egalitarian weddings, the bride responds verbally, often giving the groom a ring in return. A common response is "ani l'dodi, v'dodi li" (I am my beloved's, my beloved is mine)
* In some Orthodox weddings, the groom then says:

*"If I forget you, O Jerusalem, may my right hand forget its skill.*
*May my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth.*
*If I do not remember you,*
*if I do not consider Jerusalem in my highest joy."*
* The ceremony ends with the groom breaking a glass underfoot.
* The couple spend their first moments as husband and wife in seclusion (apart from the wedding guests, and with no other person present). This *cheder yichud* – "the room of seclusion (or 'oneness')" halachically strengthens the marriage bond since Orthodox Jews are forbidden to be secluded with an unrelated person of the opposite sex.
* The ceremony is followed by a *seudat mitzvah*, the wedding meal, as well as music and dancing.
* At the conclusion of the wedding meal, *Birkat Hamazon* (Grace After Meals) is recited, as well as the seven wedding blessings.

In more observant communities, the couple will celebrate for seven more days, called the *Sheva Brachot* (seven blessings) during which the seven wedding blessings are recited at every large gathering during this time.

### Islamic customs

A wedding is typically a happy time for families to celebrate. In the Middle East, there are colorful, cultural variations from place to place.

Two male witnesses who are the members of the family in most cases are required for Nikah. According to the Quran, in a married Muslim couple, both husband and wife act as each other's protector and comforter and therefore only meant "for each other".

All Muslim marriages have to be declared publicly and are never to be undertaken in secret. For many Muslims, it is the ceremony that counts as the actual wedding alongside a confirmation of that wedding in a registry office according to *fiqh*. In Islam a wedding is also viewed as a legal contract particularly in Islamic jurisprudences. However, most Muslim cultures separate both the institutions of the mosque and marriage; no religious official is necessary, but very often an Imam presides and performs the ceremony, he may deliver a short sermon. Celebrations may differ from country to country depending on their culture but the main ceremony is followed by a Walima (the marriage banquet).

In Islam, polygyny is allowed with certain religious restrictions. Despite that, an overwhelming majority of Muslims traditionally practice monogamy.

It is forbidden in Islam for parents or anyone else: to force, coerce, or trick either man or woman into a marriage that is contrary to the individual will of any one of the couples. It is also necessary for all marriages to commence with the best of intentions.

### Chinese customs

At traditional Chinese weddings, the tea ceremony is the equivalent of an exchange of vows at a Western wedding ceremony. This ritual is still practiced widely among rural Chinese; however, young people in larger cities, as well as in Taiwan, Hong Kong, Malaysia, and Singapore, tend to practice a combination of Western style of marriage together with the tea ceremony.

When the bride leaves her home with the groom to his house, a "Good Luck Woman" will hold a red umbrella over her head, meaning, "Raise the bark, spread the leaves." This "Good Luck Woman" should be someone who is blessed with a good marriage, healthy children, and husband and living parents. Other relatives will scatter rice, red beans, and green beans in front of her. The red umbrella protects the bride from evil spirits, and the rice and beans are to attract the attention of the gold chicken.

The newlyweds kneel in front of parents presenting tea. A Good Luck Woman making the tea says auspicious phrases to bless the newlyweds and their families. The newlyweds also present tea to each other, raising the tea cups high to show respect before presenting the tea to each other.

The attendants receiving the tea usually give the bride gifts such as jewelry or a red envelope.

The tea ceremony is an official ritual to introduce the newlyweds to each other's family, and a way for newlyweds to show respect and appreciation to their parents. The newlyweds kneel in front of their parents, serving tea to both sides of parents, as well as elder close relatives. Parents give their words of blessing and gifts to the newlyweds.

## Humanist weddings

While many wedding traditions and rituals have origins in religions and are still performed by religious leaders, some marriage traditions are cultural and predate the prevalent religions in those regions. Non-religious people will often want to have a wedding that is secular (not religious) in content. In order to meet this demand, secular ceremonies by carried out by humanist celebrants first developed in the 19th century. Humanists UK members pioneered humanist weddings in the 1890s, and its weddings continue to be popular with couples across England, Wales, and Northern Ireland. In Scotland, Humanist Society Scotland (HSS) has carried out secular ceremonies in the country since the 1980s. These have been legally recognised since 2005, and became more numerous than church weddings in 2018.

Humanist wedding ceremonies are carried out in a variety of countries like the U.S., Canada and recently Brazil, having legal status in only a few of these countries. Humanist celebrants are able to perform valid civil marriages and civil partnerships in the Republic of Ireland. Secular weddings are becoming more popular in Ireland due to a declining influence of the Catholic Church. Since 2015, Irish humanists have conducted more weddings than the Church of Ireland.