Túrfükistan

The **Republic of Túrfükistan** (Úrdenghiäkhå Túrfükistand) or just **Túrfükistan** is a landlocked country in central Asia. It is notorious for: having an exclave as a capital, having a pointless HSR in said capital, having a nonsensical language and having a horrifically broken political system (among other things). The country is riddled with exclaves and enclaves and borders Kazakhstan, Turkmenistan and Uzbekistan in many different ways. It has been described as looking on a map like "a man with part of his head missing and the bubonic plague, vomiting". They also claim that they invented hamburgers.

## Hoe did wee get heeeeee

### E

The Túrfükers arrived in the area that is currently Túrfükistan at an unknown time somewhere between 800-1200 AD. A tablet from c. 1600-1650 was found near the Gruigtöighö Nuclear Power Plant entitled "Omaigad Ambatukan; Zutúrükegh Maigad Ooyómnoöstó" (Legend of Great Batu Kan; Undying Legend of Old) in Túrfük runes that claims that Batu Khan was actually a Túrfükers, although this claim is heavily disputed.

### The Russians do a cum

Until the Russian Empire came over there was no united Túrfüker nation. They organized the region into the Gruigtöighö Túrfüker Governor-Generalship in 1858. Throughout their existence the Túrfükers have always tried to connect themselves in any way possible to the Ottoman Empire and the Mongol Empire, which explains why their language is the way that it is. An excerpt from the anthem reads as follows: "Öhi Ghilaä, Túkek g-dåmökri, Yiíng vållä jagö-sis, Minon, Ghilag!". Eventually after the Russian Revolution, a Túrfük ASSR was created which was then replaced by the Túrfük SSR in 1922. Then as the Soviets were collapsing, they specifically designed the borders of Túrfükistan, Kazakhstan, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Tajikistan and Kirgistan to be as horrible as possible to instigate as many conflicts as possible. Túrfükistan was hit the hardest, with it being peppered with exclaves and enclaves and its capital beaing an exclave. The extremely flawed political system was ratified in the constitution soon after independence in 1991.

### Now whhhhh

The country immediately got into a 2-year long internal conflict over soil and fish for some reason. In the 2019 General Election, Grögnisköülik "Hrigla" Hriglakhgarosta, a gangster, defeated Anodiskruhghikolis Aalrömäginohlisraandj, an established politician, 211-190. Nobody understood why, but everyone understood that putting a gangster who is also a heroin addict in charge of a country wouldn't be a good idea. And he is not in fact a good leader. People often use him as the prime example of everything wrong with the political system of Túrfükistan. Since 2021 in the majority Suvhrani-populated south there has been growing tension for the region to either secede and join the country of Suvhranitsok (Ыгмркфтшеыщл), or become independent (kinda like a Kosovo situation) thanks to Hrigla's hatred of Suvhranis. The economy is also in recession, thanks to pointless projects, such as the Kapsljiük HST, which only serves the Kapsljiük Capital Region and nothing else. It doesn't even connect it to the rest of the country, which, in comparison to Kapsljiük, is gigantic.

## Politics SNORE i sleep zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Here are the requirements required to run for president in Túrfükistan:

1. Be over 18.
2. Be over 18.
3. Be over 18.

That's it. See a problem? No prior experience in politics, no criminal record check, only an age of 18. The minimum voting age is 16 and the maximum (for some reason) age is 89??? What?

## The what come out of their mouthes?

Their language, Túrfük, is extremely confusing and dumb. It has a clear turkic sound, but it actually isn't related to them. Nobody knows where the Túrfükers even came from. They had their own runes that are still used today sometimes, mostly on currency and as a symbol of national pride, but also used in everyday situations sometimes. They use a lot of loanwords, ex: hermann - good. They thoroughly insist on calling hamburgers "sizäk" because they claim that they invented the damn thing. They use cyrillic too by the way.

## Anthem (2019)

*Gisjekek ghikez, kíksü. Túkek körchíåtisehh, kíksü?*

They have anthem, yes. You listen now, yes?

it fucking sucks lmao

*Ghikez uúkl hermann, kíksü?*anthem is good yes?
Túkek jagö khíst
Túrfüki gilåtkö
Túkek vistéksä
You are so clean
Turfukers rejoice
 Öhi Iaiakä
Ték dävé hradroh
Mahimat zžiksäné
Túkek zóhipithk
You gave my life
Mohammed smiles
 Öhi Ghilaä
Túkek g-dåmökri
Yiíng vållä jagö-sis
Minon, Ghilag!
Thy true democracy
Never looked so bright
Prosper, Country!

## HEROES OF NATION OF TURFUKISTAN

On banknote we haveing many proud iconf s of our country and how prouds we is are to show off them to all!!!

Iosip Dzhingać - Great general and leader of old days on banknote of 500₮. (secretly georgian and his real name is Iosip Jughashvili)

Zázgrikäkg Řigatschåhkhéikam - Construction worker who deisigneed our 3 great towers in middle of our *víkhlíka* Kapsljiük. He apperar s on our 1500₮ banknotee.

Tsar Nicholas II - great guy!!!! 5600₮ banknotone!!!!!\and morre.....

## Currency

The Türke (TKE) is a weak currency. Not as weak as a Lebanese Pound (1USD=15250LBP) but still bad. Current exchange rate from TKE to USD is 1$=₮548.221. At the same time they use Russian Rubles, but the current situation makes it a bit problematic. There are no lower subdivisions as they are useless. Lowest legal tender is a 1-Türke coin and highest is a 5600 Türke banknote with a photo of Tsar Nicholas II on it of all people. The currency is managed by the Federal Bank of Túrfükistan (Kékik Gútisëkhi Túrfükistand).