2023 Power Rankings-Week 2

## Introduction

What does Week One and Aaron Rodgers' career have in common? They're both over.

In many ways, week one was determined before the games even started.

Momma and Papa are two of the four worst opening day teams among active franchises. Of course they were going to take week one losses, despite finishing 1st and 3rd in 2022.

Shotti was ranked 10th in the power rankings. Of course he would finish as the top scoring team in the league.

Sweet Dee hadn't lost an opening day game since 2019, so of course she was going to triumph over Dab despite a draft day projection of just 5-9.

And Duck Punchers/Pain Train are flitting about in Europe, something that (for some odd reason) angers Glorio, the Fantasy God. Their embarrassing defeats were pre-written.

But as I say every year, one of the five losing teams this week are guaranteed a playoff spot. There is a long season ahead...

## All-Time Franchise Win/Loss Records

Updated through 9/13/23

Last week I previewed the regular season records for every team, but this week let's take a look at where everybody stand on the all-time list (playoffs and consolation games included).

Pain Train has been stuck on 99 wins since December 5th, 2022. He lost the season finale and then took two more Ls in the quarterfinals and the Cino De Lose-O.

Paddock and Mattness both come into 2023 with the same number of wins but Mattness has played one extra game, which he lost.

Idiots has been slowly climbing closer to Sweet Dee over the years, and can realistically expect to overtake her in either late 2024 or early 2025 if the trends hold.

Momma and Dab have won the exact same number of games over the first 12 seasons if LOC, though momma has two championships to her name.

## Matchup Recap

* The Shotti Bunch is the lone team to break 200 points in an opening day blowout of Pain Train (12-7). **Next Matchup: Week 8**
* The Stupid Idiots narrowly escapes with a victory after a ferocious MNF comeback from Duck Punchers (3-8). **Next Matchup: Week 12**
* Sweet Dee notches her usual week one victory in a domestic domination of RIPDab (6-11). **Next Matchup: Week 8**
* Mattness breathes a sigh of relief after notching a much-needed opening week victory over defending champion ma ma momma (11-10). **Next Matchup: Week 8**
* Paddock 9 starts the season with a cake-walk victory over an underachieving Papa's Posse (11-6). **Next Matchup: Week 6**

## Opening Day Standings (Updated)

Updated 9/20/23

Sweet Dee takes command of the Opening Day standings with an eighth victory and her fourth in a row, the second longest win streak to open a season in LOC history. The Shotti Bunch (one extra season) also notched his 8th Opening Day win, and Mattness (two extra seasons) logged his as well.

On the other side of things, momma becomes the first team to lose 10 Opening Day games, while Papa ties Paddock 9 for the longest Opening Day losing streak (4 games).

It took seven seasons, but Idiots finally got his second week one win, tying him with JarJar Stinks! for the 10th-most (not great!).

## Stat Chat

* Sweet Dee becomes the 9th team to reach 60 combined wins.
* The Stupid Idiots has 47 wins through 96 games, already good for the 6th best record through a team's first 100 combined matchups.
* Shotti becomes the second team to spend at least 30 weeks in first place, joining Duck Punchers (39 games).
* 149.02 represents the lowest point total scored by RIPDab in 17 meetings with Sweet Dee.
* Pain Train becomes the 6th team to spend at least 10 weeks in last place.
* After starting their career 0-7 against Duck Punchers, Stupid Idiots has now won three of their last four contests.
* Paddock 9 beats Papa's Posse for the first time since Joe Biden became President.

## 2022 Blowouts of the Week

Here were all the blowouts of the week from last season:

A year after being on the good side of a week one blowout, Pain Train kicks off 2023 at the receiving end of the ass kicking.

## This Time Last Year... (2022 Week One Standings)

What a difference a year makes. Look at how things shook out last year after one week:

## Above and Below

A chart to track how many games above/below projections for each team.

### 2022

Here was the final chart from last season:

For the second year in a row, Dab struggled to reach projection more than any other squad. He is already off to another slow start in 2023.

## Absolute Standings

Absolute Standings tracks the standings if the top five scoring teams won every week regardless of matchup.

### 2022

Here were the final standings from last season:

### 2023

Only one discrepancy this week, with Paddock 9 winning his matchup but being outscored by Duck Punchers.

## QB or Not QB

Tracking the trend of QBs taken during each LOC Draft.

Despite one extra QB taken than the year before (Dak was selected by momma as Mr. Irrelevent), the bigger trend is that QBs were front-loaded into the first 8 rounds for the first time since 2013.

## Power Rankings - Week 2

Lots to sort through as action starts on unlucky season 13.

### 1(2). Multiverse of Mattness

With the exception of Cryy Moore, Mattness put up a decent start to the year. A last-minute swap of defenses from KC to JAX saved what would have been a bone-crushing MNF loss on the leg of Tyler Bass, but the star players all aligned to perform well enough to hold off the defending champ. Mattness may have struck gold in the form of Jakobi Meyers.

### 2(4). Duck Punchers

Consider this: Duck Punchers lost by two points despite his star QB Lamar Jackson scoring the fewest FP in any start in his entire career. He was one more Jets takeaway or two more sacks away from stealing victory from the jaws of what should have been a blowout defeat. And there are encouraging signs from keepers Etienne and Walker, both facing competition from rookie backups. Etienne ranked 3rd among all RBs in total opportunities (a stat that combines snap rate, routes, carries, and targets). Walker earned a 65% snap share despite his team trailing more than half the game.

### 3(1). Ma ma momma said

One of the big stories in fantasy this week is how Derrick Henry was outsnapped by Tajae Spears, and while it may not be the end of the world it's certainly not what you want to read about your healthy RB who you took with the 10th overall pick. But also, maybe who the fuck cares? Henry still beat his projection and momma still put up a fight on an off-week for superstar Ja'Marr Chase.

### 4(7). The Stupid Idiots

Well, sure. When your QB drops 51 points, it can hide a lot of issues. Like Tee Higgins getting blanked, or Garrett Wilson's season basically ending four snaps into his first game because Zach Wilson quite simply cannot throw the football to a bonafide stud. But it was a huge opening week win, and let's be honest here: Tua could be the steal of the draft. Put his health aside: In games that he did not suffer concussions, Tua is tied with Joe Burrow for the most fantasy points per game over the last two seasons.

### 5(6). Paddock 9

More like Meh, Paddock Fine, because he didn't do great but he did okay enough to win. If Stefon Diggs had opened up the 1pm games with his 33-pt performance, his game with Papa wouldn't have felt as close (he came into MNF trailing by 10 points). But Jalen Hurts/AJ Brown is a connection that needs to work like it did last season if P9 wants any shot at a run. The Philly CheeseStack will get a primetime showdown to prove they have the juice to get P9 back in the championship conversation.

### 6(8). Sweet Dee

It's too early to be UnSure-Oh about Joe Burrow, since his last three games against the Browns have all been stinkers. But one thing is for sure. Sweet CMC was the right pick at 1.01 and Aiyuk is already proving to be far better value then Deebo. But you can already see the cracks through which Dee's 2023 hopes will ultimately seep. Dee's bench is maybe the thinnest in the LOC, with some health concerns and usage issues already for the starting squad. Great hustle play to snag Kyren Williams, who could prove a difference in the flex.

### 7(3). RIPDab

RIP RIPDab? It has been a brutal start to the season. No Kupp. And now JK "LOL" Dobbins is once again down for the season. Josh Allen looked like he was gone off the CTE on Monday night, and Dallas Goedert must have Dallas GoneHomeEarly because he was nowhere to be found in New Engalnd. n week two, Dab will look to rebound and build on some of the highlights of his first week: Miles Sanders looks good, Addison looks good, Gibbs looked GREAT, and Dallas Defense could be on tap for another 55-burger against the New York Jets.

### 8(10). The Shotti Bunch

Shotti needs major help at RB, but could probably just not start anybody in those slots because Calvin Ridley and Tyreek Hill are destroyers of worlds. Tyreek is going to break the single-season receiving record this year and Ridley has amazing chemistry already with Trevor Lawrence. The other big area of concern? Justin Fields. Fields targeted his first read on just 40.5% of his 37 pass attempts, which were second-most of his young career. It remains to be seen if his stellar finish to last season was just a hot streak or if he was actually improving as a quarterback. He's giving real "maybe you should try again as a TE" vibes right now.

### 9(5). Pain Train

Lots working against PT. He was in Greece on his honeymoon, which Glorio hates. He was without his first round pick, who is expected back this week. And he got hardly any production out of his WR corp. His four starters averaged 6.43, a concerning stat the bench is looking scarce (Quentin and Tutu, though the latter is lookly sharp).

### 10(9). Papa's Posse

Here's a crazy stat: Papa was the only team in week one to have 9 total starting spots score 10+ points. Shotti, the league's highest scoring team, only had 6 players break 10. A balanced team, but a team with no breakout performances. Watson is still the wild card here. He spent last season shaking off the rust, and opened this year with awful weather and a tough defensive matchup, coming JUST short of his projection. The schedule doesn't get any easier, with four of the next five games against teams that started 1-0.

## Matchup of the Week: The September Superstars (Sweet Dee vs. The Shotti Bunch)

Currently showing a margin of victory of just 0.07, this is one of the closest-projected matchups you will ever see in the LOC. Sweet Dee and The Shotti Bunch are September's strongest teams, and both handily defeated their opening week opponents to take 1-0 records into their showdown. They currently sit 1st and 3rd in the standings, with just a single point between Sweet Dee and 2nd place Stupid Idiots. While Tyreek has a tougher matchup against NE secondary this week, Sweet Dee could be without Austin Ekeler. She may, however, be getting back Mark Andrews, which would be huge. The Cincinatti/Ravens game will be a true pressure point for this matchup. Dee (if Andrews plays) would be starting three players, including Joe Burrow, while Shotti would be starting two, including Baltimore's defense.

Shotti has historically owned this matchup, but this is only the fourth time they are meeting in September and Sweet Dee is coming off a win against Shotti in the Consolation Semifinals in December.

## Survivor Update

Zach takes the first hit with his pick of the Minnesota Vikings. Everyone else is still alive. I accidentally sent an invite link to the wrong Survivor League to Shotti, so he is in his own Survivor league, but I am monitoring that one as well and he is still alive having picked the Baltimore Ravens week one.

## Conclusion

Being unemployed is great! Writeups done before TNF?? Hell yeah. Enjoy because I have a feeling it won't last.