No Survivors - Kick Ass and Chew Bubblegum

American heroes Dick Rider and Johnson Hopper have to rescue President Barack Obama, who has been kidnapped by American ninjas.

Dick and Johnson are invited to meet Barack Obama at the White House, but when they arrive, the **head of the Secret Service** informs them that the president has been kidnapped, and asks the two to help rescue him. In the Oval Office, they find a mysterious calling card with the symbol of a black rose dripping with blue liquid and suspect ninjas to be behind the kidnapping. They spot a shadow racing down the hallway, which indeed turns out to be a ninja, and follow and overpower him. During the interrogation, the assassin mentions a group called the Blue Thorns. Trying to gather more information about the Blue Thorns, Dick and Johnson drive through Washington D.C. until they crash their car doing flips at the docks (suffering severe concussions which may impair their further judgment). They befriend **Ronald**, a local dock worker, who has heard that the Blue Thorns are an American ninja clan with a monastery located somewhere in the Rocky Mountains. Ronald, partially charmed and partially intimidated by Dick and Johnson, is persuaded to join the two as they steal a nearby seaplane and make their way west.

Attempting to land on the Las Vegas Strip, they crash into the pyramid of the Luxor casino. Ronald stays to guard the plane, Dick and Johnson leave to recruit Britney Spears for the mission. After breaking into the backstage area, they hide inside the snake that is part of Britney's performance to get close to her, accidentally break out early, and hide inside the back-up snake. On stage, they break out of the second snake and convince Britney to join them. They enjoy the rest of the show—briefly consider also recruiting Celine Dion—then decide to get Britney and Ronald married. While flying Britney into the chapel with their plane, Dick accidentally kills the minister, but Johnson, who is an ordained minister, performance the wedding, while also exorcising a demon. As they continue on their mission and fly to the Rockies, Britney and Ronald get to know each other, while Dick and Johnson enjoy the scenery.

Arriving at the Rockies, they crash the plane once more. Johnson is able to get the four of them safely out of the plane, but Dick fails to grab the falling Britney Spears. Uncertain of her fate, Dick, Johnson, and Ronald continue to the monastery, which is now within sight. They charge the building, fighting off a wave of ninjas and some elite ninjas, and descend into the monastery's catacombs. On their way down, Britney Spears appears, having survived the fall by hanging on to a branch. She informs the duo that she has spotted Barack Obama being dragged off, and Dick and Johnson give chase, while Britney goes to reunite with Ronald. Dick and Johnson arrive at a hangar, just in time to see a plane taking off, and, using a forklift with NOS, manage to flip on board.

Inside the plane, the two have to fight their way through more elite ninjas, partially during zero-g, as the plane goes into a dive. Breaking into the cockpit, they find the president being held hostage by the head of the Secret Service. He fires at Johnson, but Dick jumps in front of his friend, getting fatally injured. Johnson is able to disarm his opponent, and the wounded Dick catches the gun and kills him. Dick tells his best friend how much their relationship has meant to him and tells him to enjoy his life, before succumbing to his injuries. Johnson takes control of the plane and flies himself and the president safely back to Washington, where Obama declares Johnson the next President of the United States without elections. Johnson then uses military technology to resurrect Dick as a zombie and appoints him as his Vice President.

## Behind the Scenes

As revealed by Sherwood later on, the episode's premise of "two regular men tasked with rescuing the President of the United States, who has been kidnapped by ninjas" is based on the plot of the video game *Bad Dudes*.

The ending in which Johnson becomes president and Dick returns as a zombie contradicts Episode II and the series and is considered out of canon. During Episode II, Dick and Johnson instead explain that each of them had been granted a magical wish by President Obama, and Johnson had used his to bring back Dick, who had been dead for 18 hours by that point.

Immediately after the game ends, Navarro states that Dick's last name is spelled "Ryder" with a "y." When asked a year later, however, he emphasizes that Dick's surname is spelled as "Rider" with an "i" which is considered canon for the series.

Being the first Dick and Johnson GM, Dewie Sherwood returned once as substitute GM, and again as a guest GM almost exactly a year later for Episode 28: The Flips and the Furious.