Bard Roberts/dialogue

**1. Who are you?**

* **Player:** Who are you?
* **Bard Roberts:** Arr, the name be Bard Roberts, an' me companion here be Stanky Morgan. Pleased to meet ye!
* **Stanky Morgan:** Ecstatic.
* **Player:** So, what do you do?
* **Bard Roberts:** I play music an' sing, mostly. Ye can sit down and rest a while, if ye like.
* **Bard Roberts:** Oh! It's ye, Player! Tales of yer heroism among the pirates has spread far an' wide. I've knocked up a little shanty about ye, if ye have time fer it?

**1.1. How could I refuse?**

* **Player:** How could I refuse?
* **Stanky Morgan:** Easily, Player. Ye just say 'no'. Too late now, though. Thanks a bunch.
* **Bard Roberts:** Aha! Time fer a shanty! Which of yer adventures shall I regale ye with, Player?
* **Stanky Morgan:** Here we go again...

**1.1.1. Pirate's Treasure.**

* **Player:** Can you sing about the time I found the pirate's treasure?
* **Bard Roberts:** Aye, Player! I certainly can!

*This cutscene is roughly one minute long and, once started, cannot be cancelled.*

**1.1.1.1. Yes!**

*(The shanty cutscene begins)*

*(The following text is singed by Bard Roberts outside the chatbox)*

* **Bard Roberts:** Oh, Frank's love of o'erproof rum,
* **Bard Roberts:** Proved to be quite the conundrum,
* **Bard Roberts:** 'Cause those custom sorts,
* **Bard Roberts:** Banned it from exports,
* **Bard Roberts:** So poor Frank was sober 'n' glum!
* **Bard Roberts:** In a crate filled up with 'nanas,
* **Bard Roberts:** But devoid of all sultanas,
* **Bard Roberts:** The rum ye concealed,
* **Bard Roberts:** And the crate ye sealed,
* **Bard Roberts:** And smuggled it off Karamja!
* **Bard Roberts:** Well, ye sailed back to Port Sarim,
* **Bard Roberts:** And ye got a job from Wydin.
* **Bard Roberts:** With yer apron ties,
* **Bard Roberts:** Ye reclaimed yer prize,
* **Bard Roberts:** From the crate it got dropped off in!
* **Bard Roberts:** With his rum, Frank were elated,
* **Bard Roberts:** His alcohol cravings sated.
* **Bard Roberts:** He showed ye the mark,
* **Bard Roberts:** In Falador Park,
* **Bard Roberts:** Where the treasure were located!

**1.1.1.2. No, I need to change my audio settings.**

*(Closes dialogue)*

**1.1.2. Rum Deal.**

* **Player:** Can you sing about the time I got a rum deal from Cap'n Braindeath?
* **Bard Roberts:** Aye, Player! I certainly can!

*This cutscene is roughly one minute long and, once started, cannot be cancelled.*

**1.1.2.1. Yes!**

*(The shanty cutscene begins)*

*(The following text is singed by Bard Roberts outside the chatbox)*

* **Bard Roberts:** Pirate Pete told ye a tall tale,
* **Bard Roberts:** Of a demon on which to wail,
* **Bard Roberts:** But 'twas all a test,
* **Bard Roberts:** A made-up request,
* **Bard Roberts:** Afore the truth he could unveil!
* **Bard Roberts:** To the Braindeath Isle ye travelled,
* **Bard Roberts:** By the business-end o' paddle,
* **Bard Roberts:** Zombie pirate drunks,
* **Bard Roberts:** With 'rum'-ridden funks,
* **Bard Roberts:** And yer sanity unravelled!
* **Bard Roberts:** Braindeath revealed his conundrum,
* **Bard Roberts:** As a task 'twas nothing humdrum,
* **Bard Roberts:** Make a vile brew,
* **Bard Roberts:** Use it to subdue,
* **Bard Roberts:** Zombies picketing the 'rum'-run!
* **Bard Roberts:** So, ye brewed it like ye oughta,
* **Bard Roberts:** Using squids, slugs, stagnant water,
* **Bard Roberts:** Got the zombies drunk,
* **Bard Roberts:** Their blockade debunked,
* **Bard Roberts:** Nay more brewers to the slaughter!

**1.1.2.2. No, I need to change my audio settings.**

*(Closes dialogue)*

**1.1.3. Cabin Fever.**

* **Player:** Can you sing about the time me and Bill had a case of cabin fever?
* **Bard Roberts:** Aye, Player! I certainly can!

*This cutscene is roughly one minute long and, once started, cannot be cancelled.*

**1.1.3.1. Yes!**

*(The shanty cutscene begins)*

*(The following text is singed by Bard Roberts outside the chatbox)*

* **Bard Roberts:** At the Green Ghost in Phasmatys,
* **Bard Roberts:** Ye had offered yer help gratis.
* **Bard Roberts:** Bill Teach were his name,
* **Bard Roberts:** Sailing were his game,
* **Bard Roberts:** But he lacked the apparatus!
* **Bard Roberts:** 'Twas nay a ship he was lackin',
* **Bard Roberts:** But his crew had all gone packin'.
* **Bard Roberts:** Bill's men had all fled,
* **Bard Roberts:** Filled with fear 'n' dread,
* **Bard Roberts:** Of his enemies attackin'!
* **Bard Roberts:** With ye as his crew instated,
* **Bard Roberts:** Bill's fears chemically abated,
* **Bard Roberts:** Ye and he set sail,
* **Bard Roberts:** Him certain ye'd fail,
* **Bard Roberts:** He believed yer trip ill-fated!
* **Bard Roberts:** When the enemy descended,
* **Bard Roberts:** Yer performance were most splendid,
* **Bard Roberts:** Ye pilfered their loot,
* **Bard Roberts:** Sank their ship te boot,
* **Bard Roberts:** Yon Adventurous defended!

**1.1.3.2. No, I need to change my audio settings.**

*(Closes dialogue)*

**1.1.4. The Great Brain Robbery.**

* **Player:** Can you sing about the time I thwarted the Great Brain Robbery?
* **Bard Roberts:** Aye, Player! I certainly can!

*This cutscene is roughly one minute long and, once started, cannot be cancelled.*

**1.1.4.1. Yes!**

*(The shanty cutscene begins)*

*(The following text is singed by Bard Roberts outside the chatbox)*

* **Bard Roberts:** On Mos'Le Harmless by the sea,
* **Bard Roberts:** Ye met Brother Tranquil-i-ty,
* **Bard Roberts:** He asked a favour,
* **Bard Roberts:** From someone braver,
* **Bard Roberts:** For his brothers on Har-mo-ny.
* **Bard Roberts:** Thanks te zombie pirate Sorebones,
* **Bard Roberts:** They hit ye w' gas,
* **Bard Roberts:** But yer ward held fast,
* **Bard Roberts:** Ye escaped meetin' Davey Jones!
* **Bard Roberts:** Just east of the Slayer Tower,
* **Bard Roberts:** Was a surgeon who did cower,
* **Bard Roberts:** You made Fenk-en-strain,
* **Bard Roberts:** Transplant the monks' brains,
* **Bard Roberts:** For freedom from lupine glower!
* **Bard Roberts:** Mi-Gor tried to stop your heart's pace,
* **Bard Roberts:** Yer foe's arm: part anchor, part mace,
* **Bard Roberts:** Struck without delay,
* **Bard Roberts:** But him ye did slay,
* **Bard Roberts:** Made him look a total...
* **Bard Roberts:** ...moron.

**1.1.4.2. No, I need to change my audio settings.**

*(Closes dialogue)*

**1.1.5. Rocking Out.**

* **Player:** Can you sing about the time me and Young Ralph were rocking out?
* **Bard Roberts:** Aye, Player! I certainly can!

*This cutscene is roughly one minute long and, once started, cannot be cancelled.*

**1.1.5.1. Yes!**

*(The shanty cutscene begins)*

*(The following text is singed by Bard Roberts outside the chatbox)*

* **Bard Roberts:** In Jack ye were in-ter-ested,
* **Bard Roberts:** So, you got yerself arrested,
* **Bard Roberts:** To hear Ralph's remarks,
* **Bard Roberts:** But he wanted marks,
* **Bard Roberts:** From five captains tried and tested!
* **Bard Roberts:** So, fer Bill ye claimed a treasure,
* **Bard Roberts:** A new hand were Harry's pleasure,
* **Bard Roberts:** And fer Braindeath's role,
* **Bard Roberts:** Got a drinking hole,
* **Bard Roberts:** To sell his 'rum' by the measure!
* **Bard Roberts:** Stole a brooch for Izzy No-Beard,
* **Bard Roberts:** And for Frank confirmed what he feared,
* **Bard Roberts:** Proved that Jack was back,
* **Bard Roberts:** And on the attack,
* **Bard Roberts:** To secure a mark from Redbeard.
* **Bard Roberts:** With the marks, ye heard the story,
* **Bard Roberts:** Bloody, vi-o-lent and gory,
* **Bard Roberts:** Of hos Jack were beat,
* **Bard Roberts:** And we sunk his fleet,
* **Bard Roberts:** For a short-lived age of glory!

**1.1.5.2. No, I need to change my audio settings.**

*(Closes dialogue)*

**1.2. Not right now, thanks.**

* **Player:** Not right now, thanks.
* **Bard Roberts:** Come and see me again if ye changed yer mind.
* **Stanky Morgan:** Thank ye, Player. Ye've spared us all agony.
* **Bard Roberts:** Shut it, Stanky!

**2. Can I ask you some questions about resting?**

**2.1. How does resting work?**

* **Player:** So, how does resting work?
* **Stanky Morgan:** What do ye mean, 'how does resting work'? Rest an' work are opposing concept: restin' don't work. Ye get tired, ye sit down, ye regain yer energy. No work involved.
* **Bard Roberts:** What Stanky means is, choose the rest option on yer run button to start restin'.
* **Bard Roberts:** When ye rest, ye'll recharge run energy an' life points faster than normal.
* **Bard Roberts:** Restin' by a musician such as mesel-
* **Stanky Morgan:** Huh! Musician? That be charitable.
* **Bard Roberts:** Restin' by a musician such as meself will have a similar but more potent effect.

**2.2. What's special about resting by a musician?**

* **Player:** What's special about resting by a musician?
* **Bard Roberts:** Music soothes the mind an' relaxes ye, Player. Restin' by a musician will restore yer energy an' life points even faster than restin' anywhere else.

**2.3. Can you summarise the effects for me?**

* **Player:** Can you summarise the effects for me?
* **Bard Roberts:** Choose rest on yer run button te sit down. Yer life points an' energy will come back faster. If yer near enough te a musician, such as me'self, they'll come back even faster still.

**2.4. That's all for now.**

* **Player:** That's all for now.
* **Bard Roberts:** Come back soon, Player!
* **Stanky Morgan:** Or don't, preferably.

**3. Can I ask you some questions about running?**

* **Player:** Can I ask you some questions about running?
* **Stanky Morgan:** No.
* **Player:** Can I ask YOU some questions about running, Bard?
* **Bard Roberts:** Aye, Player. Course ye can.
* **Player:** Why do I need to run anyway?
* **Bard Roberts:** Te get where yer goin' twice as fast was walkin', fer a start! And te escape from a fight faster if ye happen to be losin'.
* **Player:** Can I keep running forever?
* **Stanky Morgan:** What kind of question be that? Ye can't do anythin' forever, Player. Ye'd be dead afore then.
* **Bard Roberts:** Stanky! No, ye can't. Ye'll run outta breath after runnin' for a time. Ye'll need to catch it before ye can run again.
* **Bard Roberts:** If yer walkin' or standin' around, yer energy'll come back slowly. If yer restin', it'll come back quicker.

*You may start running by clicking once on a run button attached to your minimap. It has an icon of a boot. Clicking the run button a second time will switch you back to walking. The button will tell you how much run energy you currently have.*

**4. That's all for now.**

* **Player:** That's all for now.
* **Bard Roberts:** Come back soon, Player!
* **Stanky Morgan:** Or don't, preferably.