Welcome To Camp Swampy, The Shittiest Army Camp in The U.S.

(Beetle, Rocky, Killer and Plato are extremely anxious, They took a plane to fly all the way from Westerville, Ohio to Wilton, Connecticut and are about to board an bus that’s headed to Camp Swampy to start their military training. Beetle sits down next to Killer. Plato sits down next to a guy named “Bammy”. Rocky has difficulty finding an empty seat, and when he does, he gets into a argument with an guy named “Snake Eyes”)

**Snake-Eyes**: *Outta my way! This is my seat, you fucking goombah!*

(Rocky gets mad and beats Snake-Eyes up before throwing him at a fat guy named “Canteen”, which causes a brawl, it lasts for twenty minutes before the bus driver notices and yells at them)

**Bus Driver**: *Everybody stop with the fighting or else I’m throwing every last one of your asses out of this bus!*

(Everybody stops, and they are quiet until they reach Camp Swampy, when one guy says:)

**Soon-To-Be-Soldier**: *Wow, look at how fucking awful that camp looks like! I’m sure this is the wrong place!*

**Rocky**: *Nah, this is the right place*

(the soon to be soldier pisses and shits himself)

(Everybody walks out the bus, with Killer being the first to get out and Rocky being the last to get out. When the last soldier walks out the bus, the Bus driver flips off everyone and drives away)

**Bus Driver**: ***SO LONG, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!*** (Laughing while driving off into Hurleyburg)

**Rocky**: *Well, now what? Where are our barracks?*

(As if responding to Rocky, a loud scream startles everyone)

**Sergeant**: ***AWRIGHT, FAGGOTS! GET YOUR FUCKING ASSES OVER HERE NOW!***

(Everyone freezes still, and then walk to the “Company A” barracks, where they meet the guy who screamed at them. It’s Sergeant First Class Orville P. Snorkel. Sgt. Snorkel is an tall (6’1”), lean soldier with short brown hair, green eyes and an underbite)

**Sgt. Snorkel**: *Wow, you ingrates are the worst fucking bastards I’ve ever seen since 1997! I’m Sergeant First Class Snorkel. You guys are in the army now and you will do as I say! Got it?*

**Everybody in the Company A Barracks**: *Sir, yes sir!*

**Sgt. Snorkel**: *I can’t fucking hear you!*

**Everybody in the Company A Barracks** (louder): ***SIR, YES SIR!***

**Bammy** (scoffing): *Ah think yer a fucking wuss*-

(Sgt. Snorkel walks up to Bammy and grabs him by the shirt and starts yelling at him)

**Sgt. Snorkel**: ***WHAT DID YOU FUCKING SAY, YOU COCK-SUCKING, BLOND REDNECK, COUSIN-FUCKING, DEGENERATE PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!?! YOU’VE HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA ON WHAT I’LL DO TO BOTH YOUR MENTAL AND PHYSICAL STATE!! I’LL GO HARD ON YOUR ASS! I CAN AND WILL MAKE YOU WORK YOUR ASS OFF UNTIL YOU START PISSING BLOOD AND VOMITING YOUR ORGANS OUT!! I WILL MAKE YOU DO KITCHEN PATROL UNTIL YOU’VE FORGOTTEN WHAT IT’S LIKE BACK AT YOUR ASS-BACKWARDS CRAPHOLE OF A STATE THAT YOU FUCKERS CALL ALABAMA!! YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! YOU FUCKING DISRESPECTFUL CUNT!***

(Sgt. Snorkel drops Bammy, and then continues explaining what army training is)

**Sgt. Snorkel**: *You maggots will understand when I say that when you pass basic training, then you will become an agent of death, who will be waiting for enemies to kill, But until then, you are not even close to human-fucking-beings! You’re not even qualified to call yourself’s primates! There is no racial bigotry here at all. It doesn’t matter if you’re a mick, dogan, goombah, n\*\*\*\*r, whore, chink, nip, christian, jew, greaser, spic, WASP or a faggot, You’re all equally fucking worthless here!*

(Beetle just stands still, peeing himself after Sarge screamed at Bammy, while Killer keeps thinking about women)