Albertson's with Raj Desai

"Albertsons with Raj Desai" is Episode 261 of *Doughboys*, hosted by Mike Mitchell and Nick Wiger. "Albertson's with Raj Desai" was released on July 23, 2020.

## Synopsis

Writer and Comedian Raj Desai (*The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon*, *Triumph's Election Special*) returns to talk about weddings, vegetarian eats, and review grocery titan Albertsons. Plus, Mitch decides our guest's fate in another edition of Last Meal.

## Nick's intro

"*Dream of Californication*": so sang shirtless frontman Anthony Kiedis on the title track from the 2000\* Red Hot Chili Peppers' album, *Californication*.

Like Randy Newman's "I Love LA," the song's actual lyrics are a blistering attack on the Golden State's vacuous celebrity culture that have been ignored by locals in favor of its celebratory chorus, making it something of an adopted state anthem.

And as soaring houses prices have become unaffordable for many Californians, neighboring Western states have fallen prey to the syllabically-adjacent "Californiacation": ex-pats fleeing the state to settle down in cities like Portland, Austin, and Las Vegas. And now this mass migration from LA County and the Bay Area has centered on a new destination, the state capitol of America's potato capitol, Boise, Idaho.

Largely due to young Californians sweeping up the available housing stock, Boise has become the fastest-growing city in the nation by some metrics, as its once rural character has evolved to include millennial urbanite demands like craft breweries and yoga studios.

It's a very different Boise than existed back in 1939 when a Safeway manager named Joe lent his surname to a grocery store he founded on the corner of 16th and State Street. By the time the U.S. entered World War II, Joe owned three stores, and today, over 80 years later, the grocery he founded has twenty wholly-owned regional specific subsidiaries across 35 states, some of which "compete in the same markets."

And so the Boise grocer has blanketed the country, and its largest state, California, with assorted brands, just like ex-pat Californians have engaged in Californiacation with Boise, Idaho.

This week on *Doughboys*: our month-long review of supermarket eats, **Friendly Green Grocer Mitch's Grocery Store Month** continues with Albertsons.

\**The album actually came out in 1999*.

## Friendly Green Grocer Mitch's Grocery Store Month

For this month-long look at grocery stores, The Doughboys take these aspects into consideration:

1. How's it looking? (overall impression/name/mascot/etc.)
2. Parking
3. Produce
4. Original Snacks
5. Frozen Snacks
6. Room Temperature Snacks
7. Check-out
8. Hoity-Toityness
9. Bagging and carts
10. Price

The scoring is not the usual five forks, but out of ten carts. A basket is half a cart.

An average of 8/10 will get into the Green Grocer Mitch's Freezer Club (the equivalent of the Golden Plate Club).

## Cart rating 🛒

Albertsons' signature lines are called Signature Care / Signature Select / O Organics / Lucerne, and I believe everything they purchased was from those lines of items.

	+ Signature Cafe Fried Chicken
	+ Signature Cafe Macaroni Salad
* **Frozen**
	+ Signature Select Rising Crust Pepperoni Pizza
	+ Signature Select Mexican Style Lasagna
* **Bakery**
	+ Maple Glazed Donut
* **Grocery**
	+ Signature Select Kettle Cooked Jalapeño Chips
 Mike Mitchell
	+ Signature Cafe Fried Chicken
	+ Signature Cafe Chicken Tenders
	+ deli potato wedges
	+ Macaroni & Cheese
	+ Beef Meatball
* **Frozen**
	+ Signature Select Chocolaty Sundae Ice Cream Cups
* **Grocery**
	+ O Organics Spicy Hummus
	+ O Organics Roasted Garlic Hummus
	+ Medium Restaurant Salsa
	+ Lucerne Chive & Onion Cream Cheese Spread
	+ Lucerne Sharp Cheddar Cheese Slices
	+ French Hoagie Rolls
	+ O Organics Bean Cilantro Brown Rice Cheese Burrito
	+ Roast Beef
	+ Signature Select Strawberry Creme Sparkling Water
	+ O Organics White Corn Tortilla Strips
	+ Signature Select Everything Bagels
	+ Signature Select Chocolate Chip Chewy Granola Bars
	+ O Organics Strawberry Banana Fruit Twists
	+ Signature Select Jalapeño Cheddar Biscuit
	+ O Organics Blood Orange Italian Soda
	+ Green and Purple Grapes
	+ Pineapple
	+ Signature Select Kiwi Strawberry Sparkling Water
	+ String Cheese
* **Bakery**
	+ slice of chocolate fudge cake
	+ half a cherry pie
 Raj Desai
	+ Bowtie Pasta Salad
	+ Broccoli and Spinach Salad
* **Bakery**
	+ slice of carrot cake
* **Groceries**
	+ Signature Select Garlic Hummus
	+ O Organics Blue Corn with Sesame Seed Tortilla Chips
	+ O Organics Crispy Pea Snacks
	+ Cashews
	+ Signature Select Raspberry Blackberry Sparkling Water

Albertsons averages 6.00 carts, which scales to 3.00 forks.

## Last Meal

In this segment, Mitch comes up with the reason for the guest to be executed, who in turn gets to describe his choices for his last meal.

It is the year 2028, Nick has been discovered as patient-zero of the COVID pandemic. All of Nick's friends and enemies have been sentenced to death. Since Nick had been invited to Raj's wedding, Raj too is sentenced to death. He will be guillotined by the British government, so his head falls into a hot salad.

Raj chooses for his Last Meal:

* coffee ice cream for dessert
* a Diet Dr. Pepper to drink
* a cheese pizza from Whole Foods
* a 7-layer Burrito from Taco Bell
* home-cooked Indian food by his mother

Fortunately, after eating this meal, and being led to the guillotine by Ricky Gervais, suddenly Nick, dressed up as a Minion on a flying motorbike, saves Raj and they head to Little Saint James Island. Gervais gets decapitated instead, learning that heaven is real.

## Quotes

**Nick**: Wow, what a question, Mitch! Yea, I'd fancy shaking a snow globe back in the day.

## Related Episodes

* DD. The Great Ice Cream Sandwich Competition
* 259. Whole Foods
* DD. Stephen King's Sierra Mist
* 260. **Costco**
* DD. Checkout Aisle Bounty
* 261. **Albertsons**
* DD. Biggie Feedbag XXIII
* 262. Kroger
* 261. **Albertsons**
* 261. **Albertsons**

## Photos

Macaroni & CheeseMacaroni & CheeseBeef MeatballBeef MeatballOrganic White Corn Tortilla ChipsSpicy HummusRoasted Garlic Topped HummusMedium Organic SalsaFried ChickenBean, Cilantro, Brown Rice, Cheese BurritoStrawberry Creme Sparkling WaterBlood Orange Italian SodaSliced Everything BagelsCream Cheese Spread with Chive & OnionChocolate Chip Chewy Granola BarChocolate Chip Chewy Granola BarsDeli Style Roast BeefSharp Cheddar Cheese SlicesRoast Beef, Cheddar, Mayo on a French RollSausage Cheddar BiscuitChocolate CakeHalf a Cherry PieChocolaty Sundae Ice Cream CupsChocolaty Sundae Ice Cream CupShopping CartRising Crust Pepperoni PizzaRising Crust Pepperoni PizzaRising Crust Pepperoni PizzaFried Chicken and Macaroni SaladMacaroni SaladCreamed SpinachMaple Glazed DoughnutMexican Style LasagnaMexican Style Lasagna