recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
The Land Unknown (1957) (Song)

This song was played during airings of The Land Unknown. Featuring Svengoolie and Doug Graves, I have NO IDEA what song this is based off of. Can ANYONE HELP?? PLEASE???

## Lyrics

Way down under in the Land Unknown

There's a man who's been there alone

Be on guard or get eaten. This ain't The Flintstones®

Pterodactyl right by them flies

Clips their rotor and then it dies

You taste the slop and say it tastes like rotten eggs

It's pretty vile

And then he'll whop those eggs, so they don't grow into

A big reptile

That's a method of birth control in the Antarctic Zone

Way down there in the Land Unknown

Things get hot in the Land Unknown

There's some grabbing we don't condone

In the garden or even by this Duck Dynasty® clone

Three brave men and a gal who's cute

Meet a guy in a T-Rex suit

And then the chopper blades'll give ol' Barney there

A little cut

You better drop, or bet "Jur-ass-ic" Rex'll stomp

Your skinny butt

There's this guy who wants Maggie to join a club that's his own

Cuz she's the only blond in the Land Unknown
The Mummy's Hand (1940) (Song)

This song was played during airings of The Mummy's Hand. Featuring Svengoolie and Doug Graves, sorry, but I have **NO IDEA** what the original song is. But it *sounds* like a more *modern* song.

## Lyrics

Check it out. Somethin' out in the sand dune

Wrapped tight, he's alive in the full moon

They can tell where to go because they've got

The crackpot

At the door, she won't wait to start harmin'

Firin' off six shots till disarmin'

Just wait till the hand goes for their throat

But take note

We weren't here for your first detainment

You don't really wanna guess what he believes

Just stop! Don't take the sections

Things were fine until he drank those tana leaves

Cuz you know that beggar has an evil plan

Keep on drinkin', you'll meet the mummy

And feel his embalmed hand tonight

Date night, this punk has to give a kiss

Wants to dance like a dork till he slips a disc

They won't touch him. Back off! They don't want the curse

Or worse!

Brew it up. It's just not legend

You can stay and hold hands with your boyfriend

He'll do just what The Fez says tonight

A'ight!

He's not much, far as entertainment

You don't really wanna mess with ancient gods

Just stop! Don't break the seal, there!

You were fine before you hooked up with those clods

Now you know it's over cuz the curse demands

Keep on drinkin', you'll meet the mummy

And feel his embalmed hand tonight

In a tavern, with your Boyz, you got yer butt whipped!

You got the girl that thinks you guys got her dad gypped

He didn't get all wrapped up not to be set free

You're not gettin' your drinks for free!

Cuz you weren't there for his first embalmment

You don't really wanna open up this case

Just stop and keep your hands off

You were fine before you felt his dried-up face

Cuz you know it's over, like the fez guy planned

Keep on drinkin', you'll meet the mummy

And feel his embalmed hand tonight
Attack of the Puppet People (1958) (Song)

This song is played during showings of the 1958 movie "Attack of the Puppet People." It features Svengoolie and Doug Graves. I have absolutely no idea what the original song is, so if anyone out there can help me... HEEEEEEELP!!!!

## Lyrics

Who can help the Puppet People

Who fear that after this old creep'll

Give a snack to you,

When you're through

You'll be part of his barbecue.

Getting shrunk gives Bob the frownies;

And who the heck ordered the Brownies?

How did Franz guess

You'd progress

From a napkin to a dress?

Anti-Cruelty's not around,

So, shrink that kitty down.

Bob will lob something at that clown.

Put on a show for Franz

It's So You Think You Can Dance

What he earns is unknown,

But he can't afford a touchtone phone.

Door was locked and, in a wink,

She was shocked and saw a "shrink"

He'd advise

To any size

Keep your hands off the merchandise!

Cops by phone they think they're reachin'

It's not 5G, can't hear their screechin'

He disconnects,

But when Franz collects

Are they live or Memorex?
Frogs (1972) (Song)

This song is played during MeTV airings of Frogs. Featuring Svengoolie and Doug Graves, this song is a parody of Frog Went a-Courtin'.

## Lyrics

Froggies were reported in the countryside, for sure.

Froggies were retorting to pesticides, I'm sure.

Froggies are attempting to get inside,

I thought I was watching Ironside,

It's sure not Raymond Burr.

Clint couldn't handle his speedboat right, Smith sunk.

Drinks till he's higher than a kite, the punk!

Flirts with the gal in his wife's sight

And knocks out your stuffings in a pillow fight,

Forget frogs! He's a skunk!

Jason claims that his birthday here won't end.

Grover's death doesn't cause him fear, won't bend.

Makes his family add her to his will

And shoots a snake off the chandelier,

Won't have a lost weekend.

Make a toad fly just like a bee, GET OUT!

Like boomerangs, they come back, you see? No doubt!

Michael fell by the tarantula tree

Now he's on the Web permanently.

Looks like he just logged out!

Out to the greenhouse this poor lad was lured.

Bottles got knocked over just like mad. Things blurred.

He had a gas attack real bad.

I hope this isn't a GEICO ad!

I don't think he's insured!
The Thing (1951) (Song)

This song is played during airings of The Thing. Featuring Svengoolie and Doug Graves, this song is a parody of It Don't Mean a Thing by Duke Ellington.

## Lyrics

You won't be leaving if you thawed out The Thing.

Take my advice: It's not so nice when he's out of the ice.

It won't be no use if you shoot at the produce.

They labeled the unstable Thing as a vegetable.

Their interference, while up North of Nome,

Meant they blew up the carrots way back home.

It's not in the ice cube thanks to this bumbling boob.

So, have a drink, but not the way you think.

(*Blow that horn again, Doug!*)

You won't catch The Thing when the dogs he can fling.

I've got a hunch that, from the bunch, he saved one for a late lunch.

It just makes things worse that the Doc wants to converse.

Who says he can't? He's confident. Maybe he speaks Plant.

From what we've seen, we finally understand

Why the Addams Family Thing was just a hand.

They won't end up snacks if they give The Thing the axe.

All they can do's make a breakthrough and cool the crew with a snowshoe!
Why the Hell Are They All Karen Black? (Song)

This is *my* name for a song that *used to* play during airings of Trilogy of Terror. Featuring Svengoolie and Doug Graves, this song is a parody of Paint It Black by The Rolling Stones.

## Lyrics

I see the characters and they're all Karen Black!

No other actresses! They just used Karen Black!

I see the girls walk by in smaller roles alone,

But all the characters must be a Karen clone!

I see a teacher, but it's only Karen Black!

She's got a teacher's pet who made her fade to black!

I saw this honor student stop to take a snap,

But she decided she could just flame-broil the sap!

I see two sisters, and they're both just Karen Black!

They thought, if she looked different, we might just lose track!

One's prim and proper and dislikes how sis behaves,

The other one looks like those 1-900 BAE-bs!

In all three stories there's a Karen Black, or two!

After the Zuni Doll, the Black Attack is through!

She'll finally face the doll before the movie's done!

From this perspective, he's just Walter Jacobson!

I see the characters and they're all Karen Black!

No other actresses! They just used Karen Black!

I'm sure each girl is her because it saved on cost!

I know they all are her, cuz all their eyes are crossed!
The Beast Must Die (1974) (Song)

As of now, this song is still being performed during airings of "The Beast Must Die." It is a parody of "Wait for the Wagon" by Geo P. Knauff.

## Lyrics

Wait for the werewolf

There's hate for the werewolf

Wait for the werewolf

It's someone who's inside.

Anticipate who's the werewolf

There's bait for the werewolf

One fate for the werewolf,

Would be best if it died.

Won't you try to grill each suspect

From babe to drunken souse?

This mansion has more cameras

Than the Big Brother house.

Most everyone's suspicious

And has something to hide.

Tom jumps into the wagon

And he ends one guy's ride.

Wait till the night's ruined

Wait for the full moon

Wait for the pollen

Coming off the wolfbane.

Wait for the warning

Must come before morning

Too late, cuz the werewolf

Had to work through the "pane."

Wouldn't disable each engine

In the quest for who's to blame.

There's one thing I can tell you:

They really have bad aim.

Tom wants to try the test again.

Be nimble and be quick.

His wife will tell him what he should do

With that candlestick!

Fixate on the werewolf

Debate who's the werewolf

It's great for the werewolf

If they don't misbehave.

Aggravate all those guesting

Take a break from the testing

To equate who's the werewolf

Just see who needs a shave.
House of Horrors (1946) (Song)

This song is played during MeTV airings of House of Horrors. Featuring Svengoolie and Doug Graves, this song is a parody of Jeepers Creepers by Harry Warren and Johnny Mercer.

There's also a snippet of *another* song tacked on at the end, but I don't know what song this is based on.

## Lyrics

Hey you, leaper! Where'djoo get that Creeper?

Secret keeper. Knows he killed those guys.

She won't let up, so you cover that head up.

His mug's set up. They might recognize.

Hey Marcel! You can sculpt the Creeper's head.

Just don't tell that he killed that floozy dead

You're no leaper cuz he didn't sink deeper

Your work's cheaper cuz they criticize

So, he kills those guys!

(*Take it away, Doug!*)

It's a pain when the Creeper grabs a chap.

Call Bruce Wayne! Alfred's spine just took a snap!

Cross the Creeper, you'll meet the Grim Reaper!

He's his keeper, just don't advertise!

He dislikes their cries

When they're meeting their demise!

Tell me why'djoo break their spines?

Tell me, Rondo-Rondo-Rondo!
The Incredible Shrinking Man (1957) (Song)

This song used to be played during airings of The Incredible Shrinking Man. Featuring Svengoolie and Doug Graves, this song is a parody of F\*\*\* You by CeeLo Green.

Eeee-yeah. *Normally*, I'd be pissed off at these Draconian copyright laws making Sven come up with a new song for these movies. *Buuuut*, given the title of this original song, *this* time I think I'll let it slide.

## Lyrics

I see you drivin' 'round town

And your ring falls down

Just what shrunk you? (*uu-uu-uuu*)

I guess the change in your stature

Was caused by the cloud

That shrunk you

Shooda shrunk her, too!

I said, if you'd stayed heightened

She wouldn't be frightened

Now your clothes don't fit (*your clothes don't fit*)

And though they look at your chest,

It's a small screen, at best

Cuz it shrunk you (*uu-uu-uuu*)

Trapped like a mouse

In a Barbie® Dream House

But I hope that cat won't get you there

Hide in a matchbox

And let that drip douse

But you still recall how people stare

I pity the small fry who falls into the rags

(*Just watch him free-fall*)

Well

(*His impact was small*)

UUUUUUUUUUUU!!!

She thinks your life is through

Yeah, go run from your little girlfriend!

Now, maybe-maybe-maybe you're so hungry

It affected your brain (*his brain-his brain-his brain*)

You tried to play Mouse Trap®,

But it tossed the cheddar right down the drain! (*the drain-the drain-the drain*)

Why???

He's no fly!

Just pass by, spider!

She still loves you,

She's just above you!

You see her standing upstairs

But she won't hear your prayers

Since it shrunk you (*uu-uu-uuu*)

I guess you really can't win

Cuz she won't wear your pin

Cuz it shrunk you

And your romance, too

I think if now you were tall, now

You couldn't be Cat Chow™

Hey! He found a cork! (*he's such a dork!*)

And though the lamp gave support,

Someone might find a short

Cuz it shrunk you (*uu-uu-uuu*)
Robot Monster (1953) (Song)

This song used to be played during airings of Robot Monster. Featuring Svengoolie, Doug Graves, and a fedora hat wearing Ro-Man, this song is a parody of Soul Man by Isaac Hayes and David Porter, but is based more on the version by The Blues Brothers.

## Lyrics

Comin' to yah up a dusty road!

Big lizards? I got a trunk load!

You wouldn't want the orders I'm gettin'

Cuz in this fur piece I'm sweatin'!

I'm a Ro-Man!

I'm a Ro-Man!

I'm a Ro-Man!

I'm a Ro-Man!

Came from the Moon, like you heard!

And I'm gettin' madder when I got The Bird!

So honey, watch yer throat

If you spill somethin' on his fur coat!

I'm a Ro-Man!

I'm a Ro-Man!

I'm a Ro-Man!

I'm a Ro-Man!

I was put up in a draughty cave

That Martha Stewart wouldn't even save!

Got such sparse equipment we have to milk

When I start bubblin', I'm like Lawrence Welk!

I'm a Ro-Man!

I'm a Ro-Man!

I'm a Ro-Man!

I'm a Ro-Man!

Well, grab the rope and I'll slap your face!

Give you some effects that are a disgrace!

Yeah (*yeah*) yeah (*yeah*)

I'm a Ro-Man!

I'm a Ro-Man!

I'm a Ro-Man!

You're a Ro-Man!
Destroy All Monsters (1968) (Song)

This song is played during airings of Destroy All Monsters. Featuring Svengoolie and Doug Graves, what is the original song?

## Lyrics

They're hittin' all parts of the world

By causing a gale

Or simply if they exhale

We're gettin' no help from outside

Can't communicate

But they can fumigate

Will Godzilla kill yah?

Tho they're in their spaceship

They don't know what to do

In those suits they look like

The Minions from Gru

They're missing their home, MonsterWorld

And hungry, I'd say

Cuz they're hitting subway

They're threatened by bathing cap chick

Try grabbing a feel

She's like an electric eel

They're sons of a gun on the run

Hoping viewers they'd trick

That it's a bad Bond flick

She's no Moneypenny

He's not playing poker

So, they take his one chip out

When he knows he's losing

He'd just bail out

He's gettin' too rough with this girl

Cuz although she's cute

Her earrings don't match her suit
4D Man (1959) (Song)

This song is played during airings of 4D Man. This song features Svengoolie and Doug Graves and is a parody of "f\*\*k if *I* know" by who the hell ever! Uh, please enjoy.

## Lyrics

I'm a 4D Man. And it all began

When I passed though things with my 4D Hand.

I've a brother whose process showed me how

He burns more than bridges, and I avow

He's the reason we're short of pencils now

That's why we always fight!

He stole some Carbonite!

I'm a 4D Man. There's a lot I can

Liberate from stores, like the old fruit stand.

I can snag some jewelry that goes on necks

And remove what the mailman collects.

So, in mail I'd advise NO PERSONAL CHECKS!

I can pull 4D Pranks,

Like robbin' the local banks!

I'm a 4D Man. And it hit the fan

When my 4D feats made me an old man!

And my brother stole my own gal from me!

I can go through doors, but in mirrors I see

That I'm fit to join the AARP

Gotta ditch this gray hair!

OOPS!

There goes my Medicare!
This Island Earth (1955)

Aliens come to Earth seeking scientists to help them in their war.

**Released:** 1955

**Director(s):** Joseph M. Newman, Jack Arnold

**Writer(s):** Raymond F. Jones, Franklin Coen, George Callahan

**Stars:** Jeff Morrow, Faith Domergue, Rex Reason

**IMDB:** 5.9/10

## Song

The song that normally plays can be found here.

## Broadcast History

Below are all of the indexed broadcasts of **This Island Earth (1955)**.

### Svengoolie

April 11, 2015 - Blog post

January 30, 2016 - Blog post

June 24, 2017 - Blog post

April 11, 2020 - Blog post

April 15th, 2023 - Blog post/Reddit (2.5 hours)

## Related Links

-Wikipedia entry

-Chris Hamby's blog entry for the movie
Calling Dr. Death (1943) (Song)

This song is played during airings of Calling Dr. Death. Featuring Svengoolie and Doug Graves, this song is a parody of Doctor Jazz by King Oliver.

## Lyrics

Hello, Stella, give me Dr. Death

Give him what he needs for morning breath

He was strung along cuz his wife's a tramp

Now he's the guy whose heart is just as broken as that lamp

The more he frets, the more upset he seemed

Might have tried stuff, but that birdie screamed

Wash his hands off at the tap

Wakes his patients with a slap

C'mon, Stella, give me Dr. Death

Hello, fella, give me Dr. Steele

He's got too much time behind the wheel

Grabbin' him at the cabins, the media crowd

Cuz he's the guy that cops suspect put wifey in a shroud

The more he sweats, the more guilty he seems

Sees Maria's eyes in all his dreams

Stella told him don't say nuttin'

Her suspicion's on the button

Gregg, ol' bag, just give me Dr. Steele

(*Take it, Doug!*)

Hello, Stella, give me Dr. Mark

He does his best work while in the dark

When the office burns as if a plot did hatch

He's the guy that Gregg suspects the evidence will match

The more they seek, the more they'll realize

If Dr. Mark, himself, would hypnotize

If Gregg gets him dead-to-rights

He'll be the guy who dims the lights

Hello, Warden, give the doctor sparks
The Crawling Eye (1958) (Song)

This song is played during MeTV airings of The Crawling Eye. Featuring Svengoolie and Doug Graves, this song is a parody of The Fountain in the Park by Ed Haley.

## Lyrics

While the Trollenberg, in mists, did stay,

There was very scary cold foul play.

But there's booze in our supplies

Cuz we met some crawling eyes

On the mountain, they would steal your head away.

They'd all play ball with this kid, but

This film's director called out "Cut!"

To a satellite dish they may switch

Since their frozen cable wires did crack

And, although he saved the girl,

We think Brooks is gunna hurl

When this chick does her Amazing Kreskin act.

When Hans returned, it was no joke

His "Hans-On" plan would make Ann choke.

With those peepers creeping up, it's wise

That some defense they would devise.

Use petrol as an enhancer

"Firebombs. That's our answer."

Soon they'll need Visine to soothe their burning eyes.
Invaders from Mars (1986) (Song)

This is the MeTV version of the that's played during airings of the Invaders from Mars remake. Featuring Svengoolie and Doug Graves, this song is a parody of Alexander's Ragtime Band by Irving Berlin.

## Lyrics

Looks like they're here

So, don't go near

Or you'll get dragged down in the sand

Those you hold dear

Are ones to fear

Cuz you have seen that spaceship land

They're in control, posted Cindy Brady at the door

Something in their neck means you can't trust them no more

Check out what she's having for din-din

Amphibian

There's something wrong

The coffee's strong

And Sweet'n Low®'s not in his plan

You can't stay calm

When he takes mom

Out to the place it all began

So, if you think it's strange

So much has changed

For you since bed time

You'd be correct

To check each neck

And stay away from the shifting sands

Where can you stay?

Can't get away

From all the people they command

And now you found

They're underground

Down in their Batcave® no man's land

They're playing Pac-Man®, using you as a ghost, plus

You can bet this isn't the Partridge Family® bus

Someone should give that brain that you see

A lobotomy

They're set to kill

But then that drill

Turns the rec room to a wreck

They grill these jerks

Who start to twerk

And it's a real pain in the neck

And if you think that you're all right

Because you're at the launch site

Just stay inside

Or you'll get fried

Just like the bacon in Mom's pan
Doug Graves

Played by musician Doug Scharf. Doug Graves is Svengoolie's long-suffering musical accompaniment. heh... How Sven coerced Doug into employment under him is beyond me. It's certainly not friendship, they barely tolerate each other.

Anyway, Doug Graves plays the keyboard during Svengoolie's song parodies, and sometimes plays the trumpet as well.

I can only assume that in real life, Koz and Scharf are, at least, reasonably cordial acquaintances, if not exactly friends.
The Thing with Two Heads (1972) (Song)

This song is played during MeTV airings of The Thing with Two Heads. Featuring Svengoolie and Doug Graves, this song is a parody of The Daughter of Rosie O'Grady made famous by Gene Kelly.

## Video

A lower quality alternative can be found here.

## Lyrics

Oh, they ought to see Rosey's old lady

They will later on in this flick

There on the chair he could take his pick

Merge with Milland who was deathly sick

He will brave a close shave, then he'll hunker

With this Archie Bunker-type guy

Tho he may not dig it,

The bigot may drive Rosey crazy.

Doc head faltered cuz he was afraid

He had seen that his arm was now black

This transplant worked since doc had a hunch

Filling his head with Hawaiian Punch

Rosey might stay in touch using FaceTime

I'm sure that Milland won't agree

Now he thinks it's dumb

To become like that two-headed monkey

(*soulful trumpet tune*)

Should have taught her that giving injections

To two head connections might fail

Cop heard a knocking upon the door

Then Rosey Ray would give him the floor

Must have flunked Drivers' Ed, cuz his foot's lead

And soon they'll be needing to see

A barber who'll unveil

A sale for buy one get one free
Flying Saucers (Song)

I don't know which show this song is from... yet. But it features Svengoolie, Doug Graves, and a hubcap on a string. Oh, and a leg makes a cameo, too. This song is a parody of I Saw Her Standing There by The Beatles.

## Lyrics

Well, it was 12:17

And you know what I'd seen

And the way it looked while way up in the air.

How could I glance at some other, OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

With a saucer landing there?

Well, it looked to me

Like something I'd see

Filled up with an apple pie at Bakers Square.

It wouldn't stay there and hover, OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

It's a saucer landing there.

Well, it hit the fan

When that film just ran

And it looked so bland and grainy!!!

So we glanced 'round all night

And I held my camera tight

In case a UFO should show up anywhere.

I'd take a chance on another, OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Shot of saucers landing there.

We did double-takes

Cuz they looked like fakes

If they'd only called Steven Spielberg!!!

So, that case we did close

And I gave up on UFOs

To shoot some more realistic things somewhere.

We'd rather try to shoot Bigfoot

Than a saucer landing there.

Cuz there's no saucer landing there.

Can't get a saucer landing there.
Count Yorga, Vampire (1970) (Song)

This song is played during MeTV's airings of Count Yorga, Vampire. Featuring Svengoolie and Doug Graves, this song is a parody of (?) by (?????).

## Lyrics

Yorga dreams in his coffin

Once the screaming is through

He'd control each miss

Making holes like this

He likes necking with you

Don't get stuck in a mud hole

When the evening is through

Don't come knockin' if

This van's rockin', cuz

Yorga's dinin' on you

She wears Versace

For Liberace

The lights were failin'

Was this Sarah Palin?

Yorga gives commands softly

Makes you have some weird snacks

Was the ground tender's

Face in a blender,

And is this good for their backs?

They all drank brandy

And Brudda's handy

At chiropraction

All because they got no traction

Yorga shows his incisors

Leaves advisors in fear

May I just inquire,

If he's a vampire

Why's he seen in that mirror?
Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker (1991) (Song)

This song used to be played during airings of Silent Night, Deadly Night 5. Featuring Svengoolie and Doug Graves, this song is a parody of Mickey by Toni Basil, and focuses on the star of the movie, Mickey Rooney.

## Lyrics

O Mickey, you're so smart! Why'joo take this lousy part?

Hey Mickey! Hey Mickey!

O Mickey, you're so smart! Why'joo take this lousy part?

Hey Mickey! Hey Mickey!

O Mickey, you're so smart! Why'joo take this lousy part?

Hey Mickey!

You've been around so long (as movie people go).

You did those Judy Garland flicks with *Let's Put on a Show*.

You were the biggest shrimp that everyone would know, Mickey!

But now you're in a film as an evil old cuss!

You're making lots of toys they won't sell at Toys "R" Us!

I hate to make a fuss, but why'joo do this film, Mickey???

O Mickey, what a pity! Were you really bored?

Cuz you can bet this didn't get an Academy Award!

O Mickey, by the public, you were once adored,

But stars like you, Mickey

Shouldn't do junk, Mick, that stunk, Mickey!

Why take this part, Mickey???

Hey Mickey!

You're stuck in all this schlock, so you go on the attack.

You fuel up your performance with a quart or two of Jack.

I hope they paid big bucks so that you could fill your sack, Mickey!

O Mickey, what a pity! You should use your head!

When you're in stuff like this, your career is really dead!

Or when you're stuck aboard The Love Boat instead

It's parts you choose, Mickey

That show you lose, Mickey! Lose, Mickey!

Put down that booze, Mickey!
Island Of Lost Souls (1932)

A mad doctor conducts ghastly genetic experiments on a remote island in the South Seas, much to the fear and disgust of the shipwrecked sailor who finds himself trapped there.

**Released:** 1932

**Director:** Erle C. Kenton

**Writers:** Waldemar Young(screenplay), Philip Wylie(screenplay), H.G. Wells(novel "The Island of Dr. Moreau")

**Stars:** Charles Laughton, Bela Lugosi, Richard Arlen

**IMDB:** 7.4/10

**Sven Promo:** Official Site

## Song

The songs that normally plays during the broadcast can be found here.

## Final Gag

Let that be a lesson - creating your own beastmen will always come back to bite you in the end... and the front... and sides!

## Broadcast History

Below are all of the indexed broadcasts of **Island Of Lost Souls (1932)**.

### Svengoolie

July 9th, 2011 (MeTV run premiere)

January 12th, 2013 - Blog post

January 10th, 2015 - Blog post (New host segments).

June 25th, 2016 - Blog post

March 11th, 2023 - Blog post (2016 copyright. Ricou Browning memorial, Doctor Z bumper)

## Related Links

-Wikipedia entry

-Chris Hamby's blog entry for a broadcast
Terror Out of the Sky (1978) (Song)

This song was played during airings of Terror Out of the Sky. Featuring Svengoolie and Doug Graves, this song is a parody of Swingin' the Alphabet by The Three Stooges.

## Lyrics

Bees make BAE-b uneasy

Sees why people die where bees go

Sickened by what bees might do

She and Nick are through

Eli taste bee jelly

Gets wise with these guys but we know

Pretty soon he's not alive

Cuz his mouth's a hive

They sent bees COD

That's why Nick'll fly where they go

And he stands up to this goof

Like he's bulletproof

Cut the gab! Put the bees

That came from his lab in the cab

Once they have the bees inside

Use insecticide

Bees will go to H²O

That's why Jean cries in panic mode

Insects give her nerves a tug

Since she had that Bug

Dr. Dave, Efrem Z.

Tells the colonel the game's no go

You'd think he'd believe a guy

Who was FBI

She sees bees in the trees

Call her Ralph, cuz the scouts are all

Crammed in (geddit? Kramden?)

(*Svengoolie's a dope*)
The Son of Dr. Jekyll (1951) (Song)

This song is played during airings of The Son of Dr. Jekyll. Featuring Svengoolie and Doug Graves, this song is a parody of Rawhide by Ned Washington and Dimitri Tiomkin.

## Lyrics

Roilin', Boilin', Broilin

In the hopes of foilin'

That mad monster that they saw hide

Fleeing from their rave meant

He'd hit the pavement

Leaving his son alone to cry

When he grew up, it's sad he

Seemed like his daddy

Which meant that more victims could die

Move 'em out

Straighten up

Brew it up

Scare 'em out

Burn it down

Dress 'er up for Hyde

Read it up

Figure out

Focus in

Show 'em out

Print it up, cuz he may be Hyde!

To dad's work he's behooven

Tho things ain't improvin'

Jerks he keeps removin', they're snide

Perhaps he should unhand 'em

Tho he can't stand 'em

Soon he'll be changing into Hyde

But when he's demonstratin'

It only keeps them waitin'

Because there's no hide nor hair of Hyde

Lead 'em on

Booze it up

Paint 'em up

Blame it on

Testify

Mortfy poor Hyde

Stir it up

Keep 'em out

Pour it in

Cause some doubt

Pour it out

Lock him in, poor Hyde!

People try to heckle

Son of Dr. Jekyll

He'll lend me a shekel....
Return to Santa (Song)

"Return to Santa" is a parody of "Return to Sender," recorded by Elvis Presley for the film Girls! Girls! Girls!. The song also features some snippets from "Santa Claus is Coming to Town."

Original broadcast date *unknown*! FuzzyMemories has stated a song with that name was broadcasted in the early 1980s during the Son of Svengoolie run during the 5th break of show #177, but the Christmas list here has 1990s items like a Sailor Moon playset. The song lyrics also reference Nike shoes, first released in 1987, after Son of Svengoolie was off the air. It's possible that the same song was re-recorded during the 1990s run with some changed lyrics. They may possibly be entirely different songs.

## Lyrics

*I sent a letter asking Santa for goodies from his sack*

*But all I got on Christmas morning was cotton socks in black*

*I wrote upon em*

*Return to Santa*

*Gift choice unwise*

*Not my color*

*Not my size*

*I wanted Nikes*

*And stuff for sports*

*Asked for a boombox but*

*He only gave me boxer shorts*

*Last year I made a list of items, sent it to the North Pole*

*But in my sock on Christmas morning I found a lump of coal*

*I wrote upon it*

*Return to Santa*

*Exchange this please*

*Where's my Walkman?*

*Where's my CDs? (BERWYN?!?]*

*This year I wrote to Santa again, but just in case he should flub*

*I'll order by phone for gifts of my own from the Home Shopping Club*

*And then I'll charge it*

*So much for Santa*

*Give my regards*

*I'll bypass Santa*

*And buy with credit cards*
The Old Dark House (1932)

Seeking shelter from a storm, five travelers are in for a bizarre and terrifying night when they stumble upon the Femm family estate.

**Released:** 1932

**Director(s):** James Whale

**Writer(s):** J.B. Priestley, Benn W. Levy, R.C. Sherriff

**Stars:** Boris Karloff, Melvyn Douglas, Charles Laughton

**IMDB:** 7.0/10

## Song

The song that normally plays can be found here.

## Broadcast History

Below are all of the indexed broadcasts of **The Old Dark House (1932)**.

### Svengoolie

April 8th, 2023 - Blog post (MeTV broadcast premiere)

## Related Links

-Wikipedia entry

-Hamby's blog entry for the movie
Valley of the Dragons (1961) (Song)

This song is played during airings of Valley of the Dragons. Featuring Svengoolie and Doug Graves, this song is a parody of I've Been Working on the Railroad.

## Lyrics

I've been working on a strange world

Fallen here as prey

I've been flirting with a cavegirl

Since the comet passed this way

Can't ignore volcano blowing

Find fur for togas to be worn

There's Neanderthals for clouting

Hey, guy! Let go that horn!

Dinos on a roll

Taste what's in the bowl

Hide from hairy guys to stay alive!

Stabs it with a pole

Dumbo's in control

Hector's gunna take a dive!

Someone's acquisition is Deena

Hey! No one's mentioned they're on the moon!

Hector has been itchin' for Deena

Swimming like the Black Lagoon, where they just...

Shoot lizards in macro

See light frightening and blind

Schick shell shaves Deena's beau

Learning English blew her mind!
Dr. Phibes Rises Again (1972) (Song)

This song is played during MeTV airings of Dr. Phibes Rises Again. Featuring Svengoolie and Doug Graves, this song is a parody of the Bridal Chorus by Richard Wagner.

## Lyrics

Here comes the Phibes

Just one survives

He plans to bring back that life of his wife's

He'll find a way

To restore the dead

Start causing phone bills to spike soon a-"head"

But another wants what'll fix her

He's almost out of his elixir

So, put on your face

Cuz there's a race

Off to the desert, a real dusty place

Just shift the sand

To face what you fear

Then ask Vulnavia to lend you an ear

A pedicure

That size is absurd

Don't mess with Phibes or he'll give you the bird

View what's in tents

But do not succumb

Cuz all those numbskulls perhaps aren't numb

There's product placement back in their day

Probably get cash from RCA

Here comes the Phibes

Right at your throat

He'll use that gin just to make you a "float"

She's come to bribe

You into that thing

I'll bet, from now on, his favorite musician isn't Sting
Destroy All Monsters (1968)

At the turn of the century, Earth's monsters have been safely rounded up and studied on Monsterland. Chaos erupts when a race of she-aliens known as the Kilaaks unleashes the monsters across the world.

**Released:** 1968

**Director(s):** Ishirô Honda, Jun Fukuda

**Writer(s):** Ishirô Honda, Takeshi Kimura

**Stars:** Akira Kubo, Jun Tazaki, Yukiko Kobayashi

**IMDB:** 6.4/10

## Bumpers

Not a lot of notable bumpers or skits with this one.

We get a quick bit of promotion for MeTV's "Collector's Call" show with host Lisa Whelchel.

## Song

The song that normally plays can be found here.

## Door Gag

"Uh, Mr. Goolie. I'm afraid I made a terrible mistake!"

"What now?"

"See, I just passed my bar exam and I opened my own law office. I sat down to my desk for the first time and my secretary said there was a Mister Jones to see me. I told her to send him in but I was thinking I didn't want him to think I was inexperienced. So I picked up the phone and said, 'I told you my client would not accept any settlement that's less than $50,000! Don't call me until you agree to that amount!' And I slammed down the phone. Then I stood up and greeted Mr. Jones and said, 'What can I do for ya?' And he said 'I'm here from the telephone company. I'm here to connect your phone.'"

## Final Gag

Shouldn't Svengoolie be dropped on `Monster Island` too, since he is constantly destroying good humor!

## Broadcast History

Below are all of the indexed broadcasts of **Destroy All Monsters (1968)**.

### Svengoolie

April 29th, 2023 - Blog Post/Reddit (MeTV broadcast premiere)

## Related Links

-Wikipedia article

-Chris Hamby's article on the movie
Specimen Container!

It's a Creature (1985) feature. Sventoonie wants to watch some Eighties alien horror, but an undead video store employee wants his tape back that was rented decades ago by a "Sven Julie."

This episode marks the first appearance of the third main character Trevor Ground.

The song that plays during the end credits is "The Danceteria" from Warner/Chappell Productions.

## Characters Appearing

-Blob E. Blob

-Carol

-FutureSpaceNetDyne Employee

-Svengoolie

-Sventoonie

-Trevor Ground
Abbott and Costello Meet the Invisible Man (1951) (Song)

This song is played during broadcasts of Abbott and Costello Meet the Invisible Man (1951). It is apparently a parody of a high school fight song, which has not been publicly named or recorded. It features Svengoolie and Doug Graves.

For the December 21st, 2013 broadcast of Abbott and Costello Meet the Invisible Man, a Christmas Medley was played instead.

## Lyrics

*And when that looper Louie starts to fight*

*It seems that something guides his left and right*

*And when the action seems to keep things damp*

*I've think we've seen this scene in Lady and the Tramp*

*Oh, Tommy wants to teach Bud a lesson*

*So he'll get back at them by undressing'*

*And Boots goes with the flow when she sees*

*Lou see fill her shoe*

*Blame that fool*

*Abbott keeps crossing Tommy til it hurts*

*Tom's teeth are white and he might bite Fred Mertz*

*And Louie finds he'll always start to rise*

*Despite the doctors try to get him hypnotized*

*You plan to get Boots talking in advance*

*Bud slips the disc at wrist into your pants*

*She might just break a record on your lap*

*What a sap!*

*Blame that fool*

*And when that Louie finds he has to stay*

*He'll find out whose the one has to pay*

*He wonders how he'll see if he gets burned*

*And tries to make ends meet with celery he earns*

*He'll find his way his way to play the main event*

*Though Tom's insanity is evidence*

*And Boots will show her visible panty line*

*Ain't that fine!*

*Blame that Lou*
Forbidden Planet (1956) (Songs)

There are two versions of the song played during Forbidden Planet. I know *neither* of the original songs.

## Lyrics

### Original lyrics

##### (Back to the Robots, Again)

Weh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-hehll

Flew down to a planet known as Altair 4

With that guy from Naked Gun

On the job was Robbie, stiff as Albert Gore

Keep your phasers set on stun

We're back to the robots, again

Seems every movie on Sven

Gets back to the robots, again

First, we had the Devil Girl with her tin man

Chani, who looked like a fridge

Then we had that future babe with that tin can

Freezing was his privilege

Left cold by robots, again

They like refrigeration, boiz

Back with the robots...

Back with the robots...

Back with the robots, again

Well, Sven Show girls really knock me out

They leave their clothes behind

And Martian girls make me scream and shout

And can drive a machan-can-can-can-chanical man out of his mind

Give me any movie and I do believe

It'll have some robot men

If the trend continues, maybe I can leave

Hosting to a Robot Sven

We're back to the robots, again

C-3PO, not again

Back to the robots, again

### MeTV version

We'll be 'round to get you in a speeder, sonny

After you arrive on Altair 4

Now, Morbius, don't get sore

The crew just fought over your dear daughter

Hope the Krell won't raise your dander, commander

Cuz your IQ'd barely rise or fall

Gonna give the monkey a scare

They tried to make us think she was bare

Better close your eyes like the locked down shuttered wall

We'll pick you up with a magnet, sonny

Better get the lead out and carry that weight

Then you can lubricate

But you better be aware if the cat starts strayin'

Raise a fuss if Morbius can't chance answers

Sneaking in his office shows you had some gall

He can create that little one

And that phaser ain't set on stun

But you're safe if it's just a sparked-out robot's call
Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy (1955)

Two bumbling Americans stumble on the discovery of a lifetime when their search for a mummy leads them to a sacred medallion that holds the key to buried treasure.

**Released:** 1955

**Director(s):** Charles Lamont

**Writer(s):** John Grant, Lee Loeb

**Stars:** Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Marie Windsor

**IMDB:** 6.2/10

## Song

The song that normally plays can be found here.

## Broadcast History

Below are all of the indexed broadcasts of **Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy (1955)**.

### Svengoolie

October 21, 2006

August 20, 2011 (MeTV broadcast premiere)

August 31, 2013 - Blog post

May 28, 2016 - Blost post

April 1st, 2023 - Blog post
Konga (1961)

A London botany professor returns from Africa with a small chimpanzee called Konga; he injects the animal with a serum extracted from a carnivorous plant, which turns it into a gorilla monster that goes on a rampage throughout London.

**Released:** 1961

**Director(s):** John Lemont

**Writer(s):** Aben Kandel, Herman Cohen

**Stars:** Michael Gough, Margo Johns, Jess Conrad

**IMDB:** 4.5/10

**Sven Promo:** Official Site

## Song

The song that normally plays can be found here.

## Broadcast History

Below are all of the indexed broadcasts of **Konga (1961)**.

## Related Links

-Wikipedia entry

-Chris Hamby's blog entry
Sitcom Trash (Song)

This song was played during airings of The Screaming Skull. Featuring Svengoolie and Doug Graves, this song is a parody of Monster Mash by Bobby "Boris" Pickett.

## Lyrics

I was staring at the screen late one night

When I caught some cruddy show in black and white

There was living color, too, and stuff so bland

It was banished to cable and TV Land

(*It's only trash!*) It's just some sitcom trash

(*It's sitcom trash!*) As bad as After M\*A\*S\*H

(*It's only trash!*) It's like a video rash

(*It's only trash!*) It's just some sitcom trash

Forget Ralph Kramden or Barney Fife

It's more Nick Romano and The Facts of Life

The folks all came to watch Will & Grace

But not Two Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Place

(*It's only trash!*) It's just some sitcom trash

(*It's sitcom trash!*) It made the ratings crash

(*It's only trash!*) They cancelled it in a flash

(*It's only trash!*) It's just some sitcom trash

Hazel was not much fun

They grounded The Flying Nun

The best include The Ropers

And Sanford without his son

Out of his stable, rising from the dead

Came the horsey horror of Mr. Ed

He opened his mouth, gave his mane a toss

And said, "Whatever happened to OOOO Who's the Boss?"

(*It's only trash!*) It's now just sitcom trash

(*It's sitcom trash!*) But Alyssa Milano still earns cash

(*It's only trash!*) Fish did not make a splash

(*It's only trash!*) It's all just sitcom trash

But everything's cool! That's the point of this ditty

I don't have to watch Caroline in the City

If you see bad sitcoms, don't throw fits

When you get to that channel, tell 'em "Kiss Mah Grits!"

(*It's only trash!*) Turn off the sitcom trash

(*It's sitcom trash!*) Burn Mr. Brady's stash

(*It's only trash!*) You'll turn it off in a flash

(*It's only trash!*) Turn off the sitcom trash
Drowned Girl

Character from the show Sventoonie portrayed by Lindsay Chatham. In An Axe to Grind, she says her name is "Brook" but she is credited as "Drowned Girl." The character is clearly mostly inspired by Samara Morgan from the film The Ring (2002).

## Appears In

Here are all of the episodes indexed with appearances by this character.

-An Axe to Grind
Toynk.com Brings Exclusive Svengoolie® Collector’s Pin Set to Life

News provided by

EIN Presswire

Dec 06, 2022, 2:50 PM ET

Local retailer Toynk.com now offers a deluxe limited edition officially licensed Svengoolie pin set to collectors this holiday season.

GILBERTS, ILLINOIS, USA, December 6, 2022 /EINPresswire.com/ -- Toynk.com is excited to team up with Chicagoland’s iconic horror host, Svengoolie® to bring a 4-piece set of collector pins to life. Svengoolie has been Chicago's premier horror show icon since the late 1970s. Generations of viewers have tuned in every Saturday Night for awful jokes and monstrous movies as presented by Svengoolie. Starting in April 2011 Svengoolie has appeared on a national basis on MeTV.

Toynk has tapped into familiar show iconography with their new limited edition Svengoolie Enamel Pin Set, which includes 4 pieces; eponymous presenter Sven, the rubber chicken Kerwyn, the Boddy Sorrell coffin lid, and the iconic Svengoolie logo. Encased in a casket of doom, all the pins come displayed in a coffin-shaped box that resembles Svengoolie's final resting place.

“Toynk has definitely created a prestigious boxed set that would make a great addition to any Svengoolie fan’s memorabilia collection,” said Rich Koz, aka Svengoolie. “The quality designs of the pins make these the most exciting things to come out of a coffin-shaped box- other than yours truly!”

This officially licensed Svengoolie collector's pin set is a limited edition of only 3,000 pieces, perfect for both fiends and friends alike. Visit Toynk.com and search “svengoolie” to learn more!

About Toynk.com

Founded in 2001, Toynk aims to deliver an ever-expanding array of home goods, apparel, pins, and collectibles featuring your favorite geeky licenses. Our team collaborates daily, working hard to improve our customers’ experience. It’s not considered work when we know that our products bring adventure, joy, and happiness to life! Toynk.com where fandom lives.

Summer Grinwis
Toynk.com
summer@toynk.com

## Related Links

-Svengoolie Limited Edition 4-Piece Enamel Pin Set (Toynk)
The Ghost and Mr. Chicken (1966)

A timid typesetter hasn't a ghost of a chance of becoming a reporter - until he decides to solve a murder mystery and ends up spending a fright-filled night in a haunted house.

**Released:** 1966

**Director(s):** Alan Rafkin

**Writer(s):** James Fritzell, Everett Greenbaum, Andy Griffith

**Stars:** Don Knotts, Joan Staley, Liam Redmond

**IMDB:** 7.2/10

## Song

The song that normally plays can be found here.

## Final Gag

If you think you've seen a ghost don't panic, it could just be flickers of light from Sven's jokes burning out!

## Broadcast History

Below are all of the indexed broadcasts of **The Ghost and Mr. Chicken (1966)**.

### Svengoolie

November 19th, 2011 (MeTV Broadcast Premiere)

July 21st, 2012 - Blog post

November 22nd, 2014 - Blog post/Reddit

April 4th, 2015 - Blog post

October 14th, 2017 - Blog post/Reddit (New song)

July 14th, 2018 - Blog post/Reddit

February 1st, 2020 - Blog post/Reddit

May 1st, 2021 - Blog post/Reddit

July 16th, 2022 - Blog post/Reddit

May 13th, 2023 - Blog post/Reddit (2.5 hrs but still 2017 copyright)

## Related Links

-Wikipedia entry

-Chris Hamby's blog post
Night Monster (1942) (Song)

This song is played during airings of Night Monster. Featuring Svengoolie and Doug Graves, this song is a parody of Jamaica Farewell by Irving Burgie and popularized by Harry Belafonte.

## Lyrics

Through the hours down in Ingston Towers

You'll find big brain stains and suspicious folks.

To get there you travel through the slough,

But when the frogs stop singing then someone croaks.

But it's fair to say it's bad to stay.

Windows barred. You can't get away.

The fog around makes this psychiatrist frown

You can't believe the little world of this Ingston clown!

That Miss Judd says the stains aren't blood,

But they make docs and Margaret nervous wrecks.

The Agor Singh does his mystic thing

To bring a skeleton who must work for FedEx®

But that cop Cap Beggs suspects bad eggs

The old man can't move his arms or legs

The doctor's down, this guy is carried around

Somebody have that darn chauffer put Ingston down!

(*Take it, Doug!*)

Among the jerks something evil lurks

With the victims strangled by someone's hands.

The box is worse, mentions a death curse

And Dr. Phipps keeps babbling 'bout his glands.

But it's all bad news. More lives they'll lose.

They found footprints, so they should measure his shoes.

A horny hound. That heel's snooping around

There seems to be a Peeping Tom on Ingston's grounds!
Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)

Aliens who look like clowns come from outer space and terrorize a small town.

**Released:** 1988

**Director:** Stephen Chiodo

**Writers:** Charles Chiodo, Stephen Chiodo, Edward Chiodo (uncredited)

**Stars:** Grant Cramer, Suzanne Snyder, John Allen Nelson

**IMDB:** 6.2/10

**Sven Promo:** Official Site

## Song

The songs that normally plays during the broadcast can be found here.

## Final Gag

Wow, so many clowns but just one big buffoon!

## Broadcast History

Below are all of the indexed broadcasts of **Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)**.

### Svengoolie

January 1st, 2011

February 11th, 2023 - Blog Post (MeTV broadcast premiere, new copyright)

### Son of Svengoolie

Never broadcasted because the movie released two years after the show was cancelled.
Tarantulas: The Deadly Cargo (1977) (Song)

This song was played during airings of Tarantulas: The Deadly Cargo. Featuring Svengoolie and Doug Graves, this song is a parody of WKRP in Cincinnati by Tom Wells and Hugh Wilson.

## Lyrics

Maybe if you thought he blundered

Underpaying that export fee

He's flying through the air with bags of coffee

And tarantulas that he didn't see

In spite of what they're stashin', end up crashin'

Down near town with spiders oh, so vile

Maybe folks should stop shipping the citrus crop

Of danger, though, the mayor's in denial

Frankly, if the doctor wondered

What wandered in to cause fatality

It can't be first-hand smoke or being chatty

And not caffeine or excess Vitamin C

If snackin' on the fruit that they're packin'

Those frights might bite with venom that can kill

Maybe they can't see using some DDT

From here, the story just goes right downhill

Cuz in trouble you just might be for gettin' grabby!