ASM206 Merry Mini

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you got questions he's got answers even though he may not understand he'll talk anyway he got problems he won't stop there but he'll talk and talk and talk until he flew in the face [Music] well happy holidays friends it's science mike here uh you're probably hearing this just before or just after christmas and if historical patterns are anything close to normal this will be the least listened to episode of ask science mike for the year uh by the way i'm mike mccarg the science mic in ask science mike and this is a show where we believe that every sincere question deserves an honest and non-judgmental response this is a place for learning to be rewarded for curiosity to be celebrated and uh gosh i'm just so happy to talk with you every week uh this week because it's i guess an off week uh where not a lot of people listen uh caitlyn asked me to just do a mini episode by the way if you don't know caitlyn she is the producer of ask science mike she's in charge around here and is the reason we have such wonderful regular releases uh these days uh that is all caitlyn's wonderful influence so i'm so thankful for her involvement in the program along with the the best team in media uh consisting of greg nordin and andrew golucky and jeb bodiford and brent cradle and victory palmisano and all the wonderful people who make this work possible um so what are we talking about this week well it's just a little check-in so the first thing i'd like you to know is that i'll be in uh trinity church in buffalo buffalo new york for the fresh voices series on january 11th and then january 20th through 27th i'll be at first presbyterian church in fort smith arkansas you can go to ask sciencemike.com and click on the events tab to get more information about those we also want to remind you that i am setting my speaking calendar for 2020. i did a big uh announcement about that on last week's show but basically don't assume that your event is too small for me to come we are as i pursue better physical and mental health we are architecting my speaking schedule around the kinds of events that i can do that aren't so stressful on my body and my feelings and those are actually smaller rooms and smaller events so there's completely new out of the box ways to put those events on that really lower the cost so if you've got a small church or a living room if you want me to just come to your living room just go to mikemcart.com speaking and fill out the form and we're going to be very intentional about creating a mix of large and small events in 2020 and i'm gonna do fewer events than i've ever done so that means you need to you need to go and fill that format as soon as you can so that i can see you next year also if you would like to get me something for christmas if you want to send science mic a gift for christmas just go to apple podcasts and leave a rating for this program uh it would help me a lot you know we've had a lot of growth in the patron community which i so appreciate thank you all for your generous support of this program but as i mentioned last week the science mic audience is very stable it's like about the same number of people every week and it's a big podcast it doesn't really grow it doesn't really shrink and so you can help me grow this program by leaving a rating on apple podcast if you have not before and that helps new people discover that this program is there if it's the kind of thing that would be helpful to them in their life so look at that we are four minutes into the show and we've just been doing announcements so what do we want to talk about this week last week we talked about the holiday blues sadness depression seasonal affective disorder all the things that make us feel down and you know i've thought a lot about mental health and about dealing with difficult feelings you know this is this has been a hard year for me hard year and a half really uh with health challenges and family challenges and transitions in my life and my work you know i've recently stepped down from the liturgist podcast and the liturgist organization uh in pursuit of greater physical and mental health that there's been a lot of sadness with that there's been a lot of grief there's been a lot of feelings of loss and i've been trying to use the new tools at my disposal having gone through a lot of therap therapeutic work and trauma therapy to try to let my feelings have the space to be and to teach me and to show me i mentioned last week how much i value sadness and this is probably the first time in my life where i've allowed myself to fully grieve where i've had the tool set that i've learned through therapeutic work to allow myself to grieve without it being overwhelming which is why i have not grieved in the past the compound nature of grief grief bringing up older griefs meant that grief felt so intense it did not feel safe and uh this season i've been i've been grieving fully but in a way that hasn't um it hasn't knocked me completely down but as i think through grief and i think through sadness and as i just give my feelings the space to be i have been practicing an intentional gratitude an intentional orientation of gratitude is really the only way i made it through this last year and a half so i've taken on as a daily discipline naming things and reflecting and meditating on things i'm grateful for one of those things my friends is all of you i i sometimes am overwhelmed as i read your cards and letters with the sincere and deep affection that many of you have toward me i am humbled by that i am grateful for it but i want you to know that [Music] i just feel the same way about you it is a great privilege to have the time and the space and the energy to research your questions to write books to travel around the world sharing my thoughts and feelings with people and all of that happens because of you and i'm very grateful for you as i said at the top of the program i'm very grateful for the people who helped make my work possible i'm grateful for my family i'm grateful for my children i'm grateful for the community of people that are in my life i'm grateful for the winter time in los angeles which is a probably like spring or fall for most of you but it's a nice change for us to have a little bit of rain and a little chill in the air one of my favorite times of the year here and this practice of regularly immersing myself in gratitude in some way acts as a a ballast or stabilizing force in times of grief or sadness or depression and research tells us that that is the case finding something to be grateful for and naming it has a positive effect on our feelings and on our bodies and so whether you're listening a couple of days before christmas or a couple of days after this is the time of year when people begin to imagine new beginnings for themselves because a new year is coming and what i've learned in my life friends is that new beginnings are always possible every day they don't have to be tied to a date on the calendar but that they're also difficult that our brains are comfortable with what is known today even if what is known today is difficult or miserable or hurtful or abusive anything that does not actually end in our deaths our brains treat as familiar and as a pattern of safety isn't that strange to think that someone in an abusive relationship that parts of their brain could treat that as safe but because it's known and because you survive your brain says well it's probably best to just stay where i am right now and when we try to change our stubborn reptile brains and paleo mammalian brains say well hold on now what if a new thing is worse and i just wanted to name that as we talk about gratitude um don't set yourself up for disappointment if you try to change yourself starting january 1st and find that the process is very difficult if we are going to talk about grief and we're going to talk about gratitude then we must also talk about grace what grace the grace that you extend toward yourself a new beginning is hard even following a season of grief i think it's so interesting how new year's resolutions follow the holidays and holidays this time of family where we have a craving and a longing to be with those we love and then admits all that is the complexity of relationships and then our bellies full of ham and turkey and vegan stuffing we begin new diets and weight loss regimens and habits and disciplines in a vacation before we go back to work if we're so fortunate to have a vacation before we return to work it's a strange cycle isn't it we think about it that way all i'm saying friends is this this holiday season and in this new year give yourself space for grief create a space for gratitude and then offer yourself grace and that's all i just wanted to say hello i know that some of you are still working and i wanted you if you were on your commute to still have uh have my voice as company i didn't want to take uh take a week off completely i've become aware that some of you rely on the regular release of the podcast to fill an important slot of your week every week so it's important to me that i'm there for you as much as i can be i'd like to thank caitlin hermstad for producing us science mike greg nordin for production and sound design brent cradle for management services andrew golucky for pre-production jeb waterford for writing recording performing everything the ass night's my theme song i'd like to thank my patrons on patreon for making this show possible and i just so enjoy talking with you all and i will talk to you next week