B026 Ravnica Part 2

> "*Are there just not that many sugar daddies in this town?*"
> ― Barb'ra
>
>

**Ravnica Part 2** is the twenty sixth bonus episode of Queens of Adventure, an early release to financial backers. It continues the Ravnica storyline. In it, the Cult of Rakdos tracking down the source of the raids on their clubs.

## Synopsis

After a raid on their last remaining club, five members of the Cult of Rakdos return to their base at the Gore House.

Neozar, lizardfolk spokesman for the cult, tasks the five with looking for information on who is behind the raids, gather dirt on them, and shame them with a public show.

He suggests they contact friends and rivals in various guilds. Gabranth recalls a former performer from an act who left the Cult. Onderus says he knows an Azorius Elocuter with a dark side, triggering Barb'ra to mention an Azorius fuck buddy she has. Lylið has a daddy in the banking guild, the Orzhov Syndicate, and Gabranth knows an oligarch there from their time as a member.

Neozar warns them they only have until tonight before the show. There will be an all hands meeting for the Cult before the show, and the Giants will help set up the performance. The group members discuss billing it as a "Pants Off Dance Off" party.

Lylið suggests they check the Cult archive downstairs in Rix Maadi, to see if they have records. Heading down there, Onderus rings the service bell and Lylið's childhood frenemy the goblin Basic Jane, who is a double dipper, emerges from a dark crevasse wearing skinny jeans and a white t-shirt with the word "Plump" on it. Theodor knows her, and thinks she is a double agent for House Dmir due to her twitching eyebrow. They ask her for attendance records for the recent clubs that were closed. Theodor pushes forward and intimidates her, clapping to punctuate her demands . Onderus casts *guidance* to help, as Gabranth shakes a fist while using *awakened mind* to make Jane hear a voice in her head. Jane's eyebrow flutters wildly. Meanwhile, Neozar nods. Jane agrees to go through the records and compile them.

The group decides to go after Barb'ra and Onderus's connections in the Azorius Senate, who turns out to be the same person: Kryssma Kryssmofferson, who is into tickle torture and nipple play. Barb'ra has met Kryssma, but Onderus only knows the contact through written advice on shows. They head to a farmer's market on Tin Street that Barb'ra usually meets Kryssma. There they find a minotaur in a silken robe. Onderus suspects this minotaur is their old partner, Pierce, from their old druidic circle. As Onderus freaks out (and somehow manages to hide behind a woman carrying large baskets), Barb'ra uses *mage hand* to tweak one of the minotaur's four nipples. Kryssma greets her and explains what a tough week it's been before turning to see Onderus.

At Kryssma's suggestion, they head to the Millstone, a tavern friendly to the Cult of Rakdos, and join the backroom. Kryssma explains in order to get revenge on the Senate for destroying their circle, they changed their identity and tried to take the system down from the inside, slow as it might be. Kryssma is reluctant to say the name of who is responsible for the raids, so Gabranth uses *awakened mind* to try to convince him while Barb'ra continues to mage hand the nipples. Eventually the minotaur confesses it as the Orzhov Syndicate. Telling them to be safe, Kryssma suggests to Onderus that they pick up their relationship after. Onderus provides an earring to keep until then, and Barb'ra pierces the top left nipple with mage hand. Kryssma leaves to return to the senate, and the others wonder where their waitress is.

Lylið recalls her sugar daddy and patron of her pain shows, Travis de Orzhov Orzhov. He used to due to the taxes for Gabranth's family and took care of him after they were sacrificed to the Old God Cthulu. They head to Midori Park, where Lylið's tree is, to find Travis of the Orzhov owned warehouses next to it. In an alley near it, they find Travis, debasing himself. He greets them and says it is tragic that their shows are being closed down. Gabranth says they want to throw a show for the Syndicate, as Lylið plays vulnerable, wanting to know who is shutting them down. He agrees to help them with funding for the show (as long as they don't destroy his businesses). Onderus asks what he knows about the shut downs, but Travis is wary of revealing his shushpichions, so they offer him shelter in the Cult if things go wrong. Barb'ra casts *suggestion* on him to help, while the others try various distractions so that the spell will work.

Convinced, Travis recalls this person is haunted by a time when their pants split during a meeting, and that when alone they like to bite their toenails. Larger, they have had people killed, in a way that was a permanent death, to keep the Undead Council from finding out his wrong doings. Their bodies were turned into mushrooms (possibly involving the Golgari Swarm). He also hates fringe.

The group decides they could use this to put on a dumb show that will satirize them and draw them out via humiliation. They might be able to do that with the Pants Off Dance Off party. With this information, they decide to head off and prepare for their show.

To Be Continued...

### Party

* Barb'ra - simic hybrid bard of swords (Butylene O'Kipple)
* Gabranth - human warlock of chain (Harlotte O'Scara)
* Lylið - goblin monk, drunken master (Fraya Love)
* Ondorus - loxodon druid, circle of spores (Matt Baume)
* Theodor - human barbarian zealot (Arson Nicki)

### NPCs

* Neozar, Rakdos spokesperson, lizardfolk
* Basic Jane, goblin
* Kryssma Kryssmofferson, aka Pierce
* Travis de Orzhov Orzhov

## Episode Notes

### Lore

* In the past, Onderus was part of a druidic circle that was destroyed by the Azorius Senate
* Gabranth's parents were sacrified to the Old God Cthulu, and was raised by members of the Orzhov Syndicate afterwards.
* The Orzhov Syndicate are behind the attempts to shut down the Cult of Rakdos clubs.

### Memorable Quotes

* "They were born with a tail, but that's not that different for this world..." - Lylið
* "Oh? What sort of information do you need?" - "None of your goddamn business." - "I believe she is the archivist." - Basic Jane, Lylið, and Onderus
* "You want to give us the information. I am the voice that has talked to you since you were four years old" - Gabranth, via awakened mind
* "There's a lot of things I'd like to do with you that we shouldn't do in the market." - Onderus
* "The third nipple is the lycanthropy button, but only I would know that." - Barb'ra
* "The guild responsible you are looking for... is... roll one d4." - Kryssma
* "You find Travis de Orzhov Orzhov... debassing himself... onto a ceramic cat." - DM James
* "I don't know where Sean Connery came from. He wont go away!" - DM James
* "How can you guarantee my safety?" - "I have 71 hit points, you'll be fine." - Travis and Theodor
* "That's Godx, cause I'm genderless." - Barb'ra
* "There are things worse than death." - "Polyester." - Travis and Onderus

### References

* Batman
* Real Women Have Curves
* Lady Bunny
* Queso
* Phantom of the Opera
* Frasier
* Schmitty from Will & Grace
* Ghostbusters
* Scruff
* Goldie Hawn - Death Becomes Her
* Wigbond Glue
* Stitch
* Snorlax
* Nigel Thornberry from the Wild Thornberrys
* Sean Connery
* "Red Rider Beebee Gun" - A Christmas Story
* The Passover Story
* Macbeth and Hamlet

* Star Wars - "It's A Trap!"

### Name That Tune

* "A Thousand Miles" - Vanessa Carlton
* "MacArthur Park"
* "The Girl from Ipanema"
* "A Little Help from my Friends" - Beatles
* "Yellow" - Coldplay

## Behind the Queens

* This episode was recorded in Fall 2018 as part of the Dungeons and Dragons release of the Guildmaster's Guide to Ravnica. In it, ten podcasts recorded stories featuring different guilds from the fantasy world of Ravnica. Originally Matt and James deemed only the first section of the story to be fit for release to Wizards of the Coast.
* Coming out over a year after the first part, this marks the longest delay to date between releases of parts of the same story.
* Harlotte references Russel Blumedale, who had sponsored the first year of the podcast.