Bohemian Grove re-revisited

INVADING BOHEMIAN GROVE (Episode 150)

The van that Brian had rented was rumbling and sputtering as he drove Phoebe and Sebastian though the trees in Sonoma County, less than a mile from the infamous camp known as Bohemian Grove.

"For fuck's sake, Brian." Sebastian squealed. "Can you remind us what we're doing here again? Nobody ever gets in there and I'm pretty sure they feed anybody they catch to Dick Cheney's dobermans."

"Not this time." Brian replied with a grim countenance. "Remember that guy we interviewed who worked here ten years ago? He sent us a map. We're getting in using the back door, if you know what I mean. And we're getting pictures and video and exposing the Reptilians who run this thing in their true alien form."

"Dude... seriously?" Seb asked. "Oh, man. The Patreon money is going to be off the hook!"

"I'm getting a life sized Barbie car!" squealed Phoebe.

"Calm down you two." Brian warned them. "The tough part is still to come."

Brian turned the van off where their tipster had directed them onto something that looked more like a deer trail than a road and they soon arrived at a dilapidated shed. Exiting the van, they took their equipment and went inside.

"This is it," Brian said. They don't use this anymore. From here we'll be able to see all of the Illuminati and Reptilians coming and going. Sebastian, you take the video camera and go down the hill a ways and see what you can record."

"Roger that, boss." Sebastian exited and closed the door behind him.

"You know, Brian," Phoebe began. "If they catch us we'll probably die. This could be our last day on Earth."

She glanced suggestively at Brian's tight fitting jeans where his relatively average but still serviceable manhood had begun to rise to the occasion. "You mean we should... do you think it's..."

"Oh, I do, Brian," she replied. "And I think you've been thinking about it too."

"Hey, guys!" Sebastian's head poked in through the window. "Should I be filming this? Are you doing anal? All these Illuminati things always get into some grunge sex."

"What? No!" Brian exclaimed.

"Of course," Phoebe said almost simultaneously, fumbling with a large strap-on device from her backpack. "The boy doesn't have a vagina. Sometimes you just have to swing at the pitches that come over the plate."

"Wait a minute here, Phoebe," Brian began. "I didn't sign up for any of this buggery!"

"For Christ's sake, Brian. It's called pegging. Everybody does it." Phoebe rolled her eyes. "Now get those pants off."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Brian exclaimed. "That thing is almost a foot long!"

"Stop being such a pussy for once, Brian. Have I ever told you about my boyfriend's dick?"

Just then the door of the shed crashed open with a great splintering of wood. "I thought we'd catch a few flies in this trap this year."

It was Jeb Bush, cradling a strange reptilian creature in one arm and holding a Glock 17 in his other hand. "Now we're going to have to take you down to the main camp and deal with..." He paused.

"Um... you guys doing anal?"

Phoebe and Brian glanced at each other. "Sure are!" said Phoebe.

A misty look came across Jeb Bush's face. "Er... mind if I go next?"

"Next?" Phoebe blurted out. "Hell, you can go first. He's all lubed up!"

"Now wait a minute, Phoebe," Brian began. But just then there was a dull, wet sounding thud. Jeb Bush slumped down to the floor and the lizard, wearing a collar with a tag which read "Herbert... Herbert" scurried quickly out the door. Sebastian stood in the doorway, holding the video camera which was now covered with blood and some of Jeb Bush's remaining hair.

About an hour later the van was streaking back down the road and heading for the airport.

"I can't believe you broke the camera, Sebastian," Brian kvetched. "Now we don't have any proof of what was going on."

"I saved your life, didn't I?" Sebastian responded.

"Now we're never going to get all those millions from Patreon!" Phoebe broke down into tears.

"Don't worry, guys." Brian comforted them. "There's still the T-shirt money."