Quote6

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Like words of affirmation I tell myself

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That things are better off now that you're gone

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But deep down I feel it isn't true

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Even if it is

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I tried, over and over and over to give you another chance

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And over and over and over you took that graciousness and threw it out the window.

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And now you're dead.

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This quote scrawls violently penciled words over a page with what I assume are tear drops scattered across it.

At first, this read a bit like a text to an ex. Something you'd say to reach out to somebody you miss, even if you know you shouldn't. I thought the author was venting to the journal about romance troubles.

I guess it still could be, maybe they were having relationship issues before the other person died. Perhaps the author wanted to forgive them, give them one more chance, but the cruel hand of death swept them away before they could.

Judging by the sound of this, the party receiving second chances did not deserve them. The author makes them sound selfish and manipulative. On the initial pass, one might assume that the author was the victim of a manipulative partner, who died, leaving the author to miss them, even if the relationship was unhealthy.

After a bit more thinking, another possibility comes to mind. This could be a sort of soliloquy, the author talking to themself and trying to justify something that happened. Something like a murder.

It seems to me that this quote's author (whom I pray is not the same author of the journal itself), found themself in a toxic relationship, that they could not escape, no matter how hard they tried. They couldn't leave. They couldn't work things out. It was an endless cycle of awfulness, and the only way out that they could see was to kill their partner.

This theory is supported by lines 2, 5, 6, and 7.

2. "That things are better off now that you're gone": This is pretty obvious. Now that the "you" is gone, things are better for the author, even if they feel conflicted about it. The fact that they need to convince themselves is only more evidence that the relationship itself was unhealthy.

5. "I tried, over and over and over to give you another chance"- This reminds me of the sayings, "That's the last straw" or "I'm on my last nerve". How many times can you forgive somebody before you reach your breaking point? The author might've found themself in a situation where they didn't want to forgive the individual, but couldn't help themself.

6. "And over and over and over you took that graciousness and threw it out the window."- This furthers my point about line 5. The person receiving forgiveness took that weakness and exploited it to the best of their ability, crossing boundaries and betraying trust, just because they knew they would receive forgiveness at the end of it all.

7. "And now you're dead."- The bitter tone this line carries, and the lack of a following line, elaborates on the author's feelings on the death of this person. If they felt great sadness (or regret), perhaps there would be another line after this, something like "I miss you" or "I'm so so so sorry". But there isn't. The author leaves it at that, a cold fact. The other person is dead. And that's that. No more second chances.

Unnerving, to say the least.