Radio Goodies

**Radio Goodies** (also known as **Pirate Radio Station** and as **Pirate Radio Goodies**) was the seventh episode of Series One.

## Plot

The Goodies want to start a radio station, but Tim's and Bill's dreams of 'groupie girls', and also Graeme's only line in their jingle – "BOM!" – are soon put on hold; their application is delayed in the post which were slow and rotten - even the postman attempted to run away with the letter to The Goodies but failed when Tim and Bill tackled him. Having missed out on obtaining a licence to broadcast from the GPO, the trio decide to start a pirate radio station and, based on a disgruntled suggestion from Tim about the postal service, Graeme is inspired to start a pirate post office at the same time.

'Radio Goodies' is later launched from a huge submarine, with entry through a hatch which, working on the ice berg principle, has been disguised as a small rowing boat called "The Saucy Gibbon" with the words "Not a Pirate Radio Station" painted on the side.

Unfortunately, things are not off to a great start when Tim discovers that they only have one record ("*A Walk in the Black Forest*"), because Bill has not had enough money to buy any other records for their radio station. An embarrassed Tim announces on the radio: "Yes, friends, that was number 1 in The Goodies Hit Parade, and now number 2 and, incidentally, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10 ..... "*A Walk in the Black Forest*".

The Goodies Postal Service however proves to be very successful — too successful, in fact, and Tim and Bill are soon swamped with post to sort and deliver. Tim's efforts to close the post office down come to nothing, however, as Graeme (remodelling himself as a totalitarian despot, complete with eyepatch) has become obsessed with dreams of ruling the world and revolutionise the pirate business.

Graeme wishes to start a pirate bank, a pirate bus service, and a pirate Church of England, all outside Britain's 5-mile (9.3 km) limit, as well as having also planned a fiendish scheme to tow the whole of Britain outside the 5-mile limit and become leader of a pirate state, but his plan is ruined when Tim and Bill – having finally had enough – leave him to it. Unfortunately, Graeme's efforts to tow the whole of Great Britain away single-handedly only cause "The Saucy Gibbon" to sink. Graeme, who is standing up, begins to 'go down with the boat', and Tim suggests that they leave Graeme to his fate, feeling that Graeme would have wanted it that way. Bill, however, disagrees, saying: "No he bloody wouldn't!", and he and Tim decide to rescue Graeme from the sea.

Later, as the three are sitting, wet and shivering, in their office, with their feet soaking in hot water after the rescue, it seems that all is lost; although Graeme has recovered from his momentary bout of megalomania. The pirate radio station and post office have gone belly-up and has bankrupted the Goodies, and Tim and Bill are understandably annoyed with Graeme. However, the Post Office — inspired by the Goodies' methods of delivering the post — have mailed them a royalties cheque, and when the Statue of Liberty can be seen moving past the window behind them, it soon becomes apparent that Britain has been towed much further than Graeme had ever envisaged.