Beakman Vs Beakman

(Theme Song)

Mia: (Singing) Catching babies... and give them hugs... we're soft and cuddly just like Pip and Freddy. Don't worry babies you're safe when we're together. You know we're gonna be friends forever! Mia Kitten tot adventurer, Mia Kitten tot adventurer. Hold my paw let's find adventure. Mia Kitten tot adventurer. Open up your arms and catch a hug!

(All baby animals giggled as a theme song ends)

Title: "Disney Junior's Mia Kitten"

(Fade to the episode title with a picture of Mia Asking J.P A Question While He Is A Witness)

Mia: "Beakman Vs Beakman"

(Close up of a stream of gravy coming down towards the screen and then pans back to reveal it's a plate of gravy with a piece of broccoli and mashed kitty kibble on it. Mia is behind that with A spoon in Captain Beakman's wing and not wanting to eat it)

Captain Beakman: (To J.P While Lucky Eats His Food) Now J.P, Acoarding To The T.O.T.S. Instruction Manual Near The Eating Technique That Ages 4 Years And Up We're Supposed To Distract Mia With A Little Play Acting! We Pretend That This Demi Lovato Spoon Is An Airplane! Let's Try It Out! (She Hands The Spoon To J.P And Grabs A Piece Of Broccoli, To Mia) Okay, Mia-Mia Open The Tunnel! (Mia Opens Her Mouth And She Ate It!)

Mia: Yum! Yum!

Captain Beakman: (Continues Watching J.P Feed Mia) I Knew You Would Try It Darling! (Mia Yawns And Threw Her Plate To The Wall As It Made A Crash) Oops, Looks Like Someone's Very Tired, Why Won't You Go To Your Bedroom And Get Your Pajamas On Okay? (Mia Does So As She Carries Angelica While Captain Beakman Helps Lucky Eat His Broccoli)

Mia: (Yells Without Captain Beakman And J.P Knowticing Her) YOU'LL BE SORRY! (J.P And Captain Beakman are speechless after Mia said that, hear her slam the door in her and Angelica's bedroom and look at each other)

(Lucky, Spike, J.P And Captain Beakman's Bedroom - Night. J.P was walking around the bed and Captain Beakman in bed reading while Lucky Is In His Crib And Spike In His Puppy Bed)

J.P: Captain Beakman, Honey, do you think Mia was serious when she said, "You'll be sorry?"

Captain Beakman: What are you talking about, Honey? She's 4 years old. What's she gonna do?

J.P: I suppose you're right. It's just we raised just a clever resourceful little girl. Sometimes I just don't know what she's capable of. (He turns on Lucky's Night Light and climbs into bed)

Captain Beakman: Hon, get some sleep, our daughter will feel better in the morning.

J.P: Okay Hon,...

Lucky: (To Himself Softly Closing His Eyes) Lucky, You Need To Hope Your Sister Does, She'll Slam Her Door All Night And You'll Think You And Your Parents Will Get Arrested!

(He falls asleep after he said that)

(Cut to Mia And Angelica's bedroom - Night, Angelica is in her kitty bed as she looked at Mia being serious after what happened, Mia turns on her 40-inch Demi Lovato TV)

Mia: (To Her Demi Lovato Doll) It's not fair, Demi Lovato. The grown-ups always get to decide everything. All they do is to boss me around like a little kid or something. I'm 4 years old!

F. Lee Barnum (on TV): Are you getting a raw deal? Is your boss treating you unfairly? Or perhaps there's a family problem that cries out for third party mediation?

Mia: The last one! The family thing!

F. Lee Barnum (on TV): Don't wait! Call us at the offices of F. Lee Barnum and Sons: "We'll fight for you!"

Mia: I GOT IT!

(F. Lee Barnum pulls in the driveway and rings the doorbell. J.P was doing his flying laps until he hears it.)

J.P: Who could that be?

F. Lee Barnum: Hello, I'm here to see uh... Miss Mia Winithered Beakman.

J.P: And you are?

F. Lee Barnum: My name is F. Lee Barnum, I'm an attorney.

J.P: An attorney?

F. Lee Barnum: Yeah, I engaged by Miss Beakman to handle some pesty legal matters.

J.P: (laughs) There must be some mistake. You see, Mia is just little girl, she's not capable of hiring a attorney.

F. Lee Barnum: That would be me to determine.

Mia: Oh, hi, Mr. Lawyer, come on in.

J.P: Mia, what is going on here?

Mia: I'm suing you.

J.P: (surprised) Suing me?

(Later in Mia And Angelica's bedroom, Mia pours real tea in a demi lovato tea cup)

F. Lee Barnum: Thank you. (he takes the cup and started to drink it) Now let me get to the point, Miss Beakman. The Key of the case would be an establishing of withholding a second helping of desert constitutes and infringement on the child's--

Mia: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Skip the fancy talk and give me the bottom line.

F. Lee Barnum: Very well. I think I can get one of your parents kicked out of the house and out of T.O.T.S.,

Mia: Cool.

F. Lee Barnum: And if we play our preferable cards right, I think I can get you a handsome childhood self-care annuity on top of it.

Mia: Huh?

F. Lee Barnum: Money, Miss Beakman, lots of money, for both of us.

Mia: (grinning) Now you're talking my language.

(Later in the living room)

Captain Beakman: Mia, honey.

Mia: Yes?

Captain Beakman: I'd like to talk about this lawsuit thing.

Mia: It's too late for talk now, Mommy. I tried to reason with you, but you wouldn't listen.

Captain Beakman: Come on, sweetie. Let's get some ice cream and you can tell me what's bothering you.

Mia: That's awful nice of you, Mommy. But on the advice of counsel, I must decline.

Captain Beakman: Now, Mia-Mia, if you don't stop all this nonsense right now, I'm gonna-

Mia: Careful, Mommy. Don't say anything you might not want repeated in a court of law.

Captain Beakman: Now you listen to me-

Mia: Uh-uh-uh. The tape's rolling.

Captain Beakman: *(stammering)* D'oh! *(she leaves and bumps into J.P who is holding Lucky)* J.P, call your attorney. We're going to the Man on this one. *(Drew looks concerned when he see Captain Beakman leaving behind him)*

*(Cut to Mr. Hershowiz's office - dusk)*

J.P: So you think she has a case?

Mr. Hershowiz: I'm afraid so, Mr. and Mrs. Beakman, I was strongly to advice you settle this matter out of the court.

Captain Beakman: A settlement!

J.P: He's right, Captain Beakman. Let's just end this thing as painless thing as possible.

Captain Beakman: Uh, maybe you're right.

Mr. Hershowiz: Mia's lawyer faxed a couple of demands. Can I read them?

J.P: Sure, How bad could they be?

Mr. Hershowiz: 1. Dessert on demand 24 hours a day, 2. Official present giving days to occur whenever Mia wants, 3. A Mr. X exploding smash up doll, 4. A Commander Bill Desert Storm Flame Thrower, 5. A pony, 6.-

*(J.P. who was sitting there, finally getting annoyed finally snaps)*

J.P: Enough! I am not going to pushed around by my own Daughter!

Mr. Hershowiz: *(sighs)* Very well, we prepared to court.

*(Cut to a picture of Mia who zooms out to reveal a news presenter)*

**News Presenter**: Meanwhile, All of America remains presence, as an case of Mia Beakman, A charming Four-year old girl who sued her parents for divorce, We take you live for conference.

*(Everyone who is watching the news on TVs in a store)*

*(Cut to outside the Courthouse - Day, The News Reporter is questioning F. Lee Barnum, Mia and Angelica)*

**News Reporter**: Mr. Barnum, Do you really think you have a case here?

**F. Lee Barnum**: Of course we have a case, this girl has been severely mistreated.

**News Reporter**: But don't you feel you're contributing the decline of American family values?

**F. Lee Barnum**: So, what's your point?

Mia: Okay, I'll handle this. *(grabs the microphone and tells the truth wisely without crying, deep inhale)* Miss. Reporterman, I'm not a bad kid, I'm really not. All I ever wanted is a little ice cream, maybe a toy here or there, well, doesn't every four year old have right a little kindness? And now you're trying to make me feel like I'm a bad guy? But when will it all end?

*(her kitty Angelica starts sobbing over the fact to what Mia said, but someone gives Angelica a Supersucker lollipop, then she stops crying. She purrs it causing everyone to laugh. A car pulls up and Lucky, J.P and Captain Beakman come out.)*

**Citizen 1**: Look it's the parents!

*(The Crowd keeps saying their names repeatedly, as Lucky who is barking fearly, J.P and Captain Beakman look embarrassed. Mr. Hershowiz is seen walking behind them)*

**Mr. Hershowiz**: My clients has no comments. *(He reaches over and covers the camera with his hand.)* I told you, no comment!

*(Cut to the Courthouse - Day, A judge bangs his gavel from the camera)*

**Judge**: Order! Order! *(Everyone is silent)* This court is now in session. Mr. Barnum, Please call your first witness.

**F. Lee Barnum**: I call for the stand: Mrs. Captain Beakman! *(Cut to an El Barato cigar close to the camera and Mr. Barnum pulls it away)* Now Mrs. Beakman, Is it not true on the last Tuesday night on August 3rd, That you served your 4-year old Mia a large piece of broccoli for dinner?

*Captain Beakman:* Well that depends on your word: large. I'd say it was a small piece, Also, that trick from the instruction manual worked like a charm on Mia-Mia.

**Barnum**: Mrs. Beakman, let's not quibble over the size of the serving.

*Captain Beakman:* It seems to me you're the one who's quibbling. *(Everyone laughs)*

**Barnum**: Just answer the question, Mrs. Beakman.

*Captain Beakman:* What question was that, Mr. Barnum?

**Barnum**: Did you or did you not serve you daughter a disgusting piece of broccoli?!

*Captain Beakman:* *(offended)* I served my daughter broccoli and it wasn't disgusting! It was a very healthy, nutritious vegetable, Mr. Barnum! Rich in Vitamin C! Any self respecting parent would do the same!

Mia: (Off-Screen Yelling) OBJECTION!

**Barnum**: Mia, I'm doing the questioning, Let me handle this.

Mia: Well you're doing a lousy job of yourself, You're making my mom look good!

**Barnum**: How dare you talk to me like that! I am a skilled attorney with months of experience!

Mia: Your honor, I would like to dismiss my lawyer for gross incontinence.

**Barnum**: You don't have to! I would rather quit than represent a little brat like you!

Mia: Your honor, if it pleased the court, I would like to present my own lawyer.

**Judge**: Well, I must admit that all of my years on the bench, I've never heard a four year old representing herself. But I guess there's no present against it.

Mia: Well, See you later, buster! I guess it's back chasing ambulances like you.

*(Barnum packs his briefcase and leaves)*

**Judge**: Let the record show that Miss Beakman has dismissed her attorney and now be representing herself. Uh, Miss Beakman, You may proceed.

Mia: Thank you, your honor. The next witness I call: Miss Angelica Beakman!

*(Everyone is confused)*

**Hershowitz**: Who's Angelica Beakman?

J.P: Mia's pet kitty of course.

*(Cut to Mia placing Angelica in the witness chair)*

Mia: Now Angel-

**Hershowitz**: Objection!

Mia: What?

**Hershowitz**: Your Honor, that kitty is an inanimate object, and its testimony is therefore inadmissible.

**Judge**: I realize that this is unorthodox, but I'm going to let her cat testify.

**Hershowitz**: You can't be serious.

**Judge**: I AM serious, Mr. Hershowitz. And if you impugn my integrity again, I'll hold in contempt! *(Mia sticks her tongue out at Hershowitz who does the same behind the glass jug)* Miss Beakman, please proceed.

Mia: Thank you, Your Honor. *(The Judge sits back and happily listens)* Now Angel, Would you tell the court in your own words what happened?

Angelica: I've seen the whole thing in the beginning, they tried to make my mother eat broccoli using a demi lovato spoon even though it tasted yucky. she opened very politely and it that green thing went in, and they did their best and told her to get ready for bed as they sent her to our room.

**Hershowitz**: Objection!

**Judge**: Overruled! Now let the cute little kitty finish her story, okay? *(Hershowitz facepalms in defeat and groans)*

Angelica: Now, let's return to the morning of February 7th. As you can't explain that my mother was innocently watching cartoons and minding her own business.

Spike: And don't forget about not watching cartoons after J.P came in there.

Angelica: and that her daddy came over to the TV and turned and said that she has been watching too much cartoons. *(Everyone gasps)*

J.P: This can't be happening.

Hershowitz: Don't worry, Mr. Beakman. We'll witness her best friend for sure.

*(Cut to Hershowitz questioning Mia's best friend Chloe in the witness chair after Mia lets him)*

Hershowitz: Now Chloe, do you think you're a good best friend to 4-year old Mia?

Chloe: I think that's for the court to decide, don't you? *(Everyone laughs)*

Hershowitz: Chloe is it true that your best friend never does what her parents tell her?

Chloe: Maybe, maybe not.

Hershowitz: Please answer yes or no.

Chloe: Yes or no.

**Hershowitz**: Chloe, answer the question.

**Chloe:** Chloe, answer the question.

**Hershowitz**: Are you mimicking me?

**Chloe**: Are you mimicking me?

**Hershowitz**: Are you aware you're in a court of law?!

**Chloe**: Are you aware you're in a court of law?!

**Hershowitz**: STOP IT!!!

**Chloe**: STOP IT!!!

*(laughter ensues from everyone but Hershowitz)*

Hershowitz: Your Honor, please make her answer the question!

Judge: Well, maybe if you'd ask a little more nicely, she'd answer. *(To Chloe, kindly)* Now, Chloe, darling. Would you please answer the mean old lawyer's question?

Chloe: Of Course, Your Majesty. I be happy to.

Judge: *(to Hershowitz)* See?

Hershowitz: *(calmly)* Now once again, Chloe. Does your best friend do what her parents tell her?

Chloe: Oh, of course. She *always* listens to her mommy and daddy. *(Everyone laughs)*

Hershowitz: *(groans)* Your Honor, I have no further questions.

*(He leaves defeated as he walks in the camera which transitions into a ceiling fan from the aerial view of the courtroom. J.P is in the witness chair, now being questioned by Mia)*

Mia: Now Daddy, do you remember last year what I wanted for my birthday?

J.P: Well, umm... You had a very long list. Uhh. There was the-

Mia: Don't get cute with me! What was the one thing I wanted most?

J.P: Uhh... I think it was the big train from the Toy Store that you can ride around on.

Mia: You *think* it was a big train?

J.P: Okay, Okay. It was a big train.

Mia: But you didn't get the big train, did you, Daddy?

**J.P: *(panicking)* Well uh-**

**Mia**: **Did you get the train?! Yes or no?**

**J.P**: **Your honor, I don't see-**

**Judge**: **Answer your daughter's question, Mr. Beakman.**

J.P: *(sighs, and quietly under his breath)* No, I didn't get you the train.

Mia: What was that?

J.P I didn't get you the train! *(The jury gasps)*

Mia: Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, you heard him with your own eyes. I don't ask a lot, but all I wanted for my birthday, my one birthday out of the whole year, I asked for a train and did I get it? No. *(Everyone agrees with Mia and starts booing at Drew)*

**J.P**: But the toy store was out!

**Judge**: *(bangs his gavel)* Mr. Beakman, I rarely editorialize like this, but I just want to say that I think you ought to be ashamed of yourself. *(Everyone shouts approval)*

**J.P**: ***(getting frustrated and beginning to lose it)* Your Honor, This is ridiculous! This isn't a courtroom! It's a three ring circus! All I did was ask for my daughter to eat broccoli. I was just being a good father.**

**Judge**: ***(bangs his gavel again)* Mr. Pickles, I find you in contempt. One more word, and you'll be escorted from the courtroom!**

**Jury Member**: Your Honor, I know this is unusual, but we of the jury feel we don't need to deliberate. We award Mia Beakman with all of her demands, including complete possession of the house and all of her parents and brother's assets. *(Everyone cheers)*

**J.P**: *(gasps)* This isn't happening! I was just being a good father!

**Judge**: **Bailiff! Have this man removed from my court and locked up!** *(Everyone cheers and applauds)*

**J.P** **No! I'm a good father! I'm a good father! *(The bailiff grabs J.P by the wings and drags him away)* I'm a good father! I'm a good father!**

**Judge: *(bangs his gavel repeatedly as J.P shouts "I'm a good father!" repeatedly)* Order! Order in this court! Order! I demand order! I am the judge here!**

***(The Judge continues yelling at Drew and banging his gavel while the cheers turn into evil laughter as Drew is continued to be dragged away. Finally, the camera zooms in J.P's mouth** **and we cut to J.P struggling in his sleep in bed. It revealed is was all J.P's dream. J.P then wakes up, gasping)***

J.P: A dream! It was just a dream! Captain Beakman! Captain Beakman! Wake up!

Captain Beakman: Huh? *(She sees the LCD Clock reading 3:01)* J.P, It's three in the morning.

J.P: Captain Beakman, I just had the worst nightmare! Mia was fussy about the broccoli and was suing us to take the house away and the judge was on her side and-

Captain Beakman: Honey, it was a dream. Go back to sleep.

J.P: *(Grabbing his T.O.T.S. symbol)* I-I'm just going to take a peek and see how she's doing. *(He leaves the bed)*

*(Cut to Mia and Angelica's Room - Night, Mia is asleep, J.P kisses her on the head and she wakes up)*

Mia: *(yawns, softly)* Hi, Daddy.

J.P: Hi, sweetie.

Mia: (softly) Daddy, I'm sorry I was a bad girl.

J.P: No, honey, I'm the one who should be sorry. I shouldn't have tried to use that spoon to make you eat the broccoli. From now on, you can try the foods you're ready to try.

Mia: (Softly) Oh Daddy, you're the greatest. (J.P kisses Mia in the head once more)

J.P: Sleep tight, princess.

*(J.P leaves. After he left, Mia took out the clipboard, it has the food pyramid diagram, and crosses off the broccoli)*

Mia: *(to the camera giggling)* Works every time.