2022 Power Rankings-Week 2

## Introduction

Good morning LOC! Well, good morning for some. Painful morning for others. For those of us who drank Mama McAteer's jackhammer sangria last night, this morning might be a little painful. For those of us who kept Alvin Kamara or George Kittle, this morning might be a little painful. For those of us who have a true game-time decision player going Monday night and every other player going at 1pm, this morning might be a little painful. And for those of us who have to cram an entire website update and writeup between 10am-1pm after a two day long wedding and a 630am flight, this morning might be a little painful.

Before we begin, congrats to Paddock 9 for tying the knot. For those of you that were there to celebrate, what a great time huh? For those who were not...it was just meh, you didn't miss much.

It was a beautiful ceremony. Danielle wore an amazing dress. Pat, amazingly, was dressed. The exchanging of the vows blew me away. Not because of what was said, just because Pat read his from a small book. It was the first time I'd seen Pat hold a book and I was shocked he knew how to read.

As if an entire day of festivites wasn't enough, a short four hour drive away was the "happily ever after" party, which was a Matrix Reloaded style sequel to the wedding. The highlight for me was shaking hands with Pat's drunk, sweaty cousin no less than ten times, all but guaranteeing that I am typing this morning's writeup with Covid.

At the end of the day, Pat is married but his fantasy team sucks. So you tell me if this is really a "happily ever after" situation.

## Matchup Recap

* The Shotti Bunch awakens from his slumber and lets the world know he's still here by taking down the defending champion Stupid Idiots (5-4). **Next Matchup: Week 12**
* Duck Punchers gets semifinals revenge with a Monday night comeback against Commish (12-8). **Next Matchup: N/A**
* Pain Train makes a statement with a 300-point performance against RIPDab (9-10). **Next Matchup: N/A**
* ma ma momma said ensures that Pat's 2021 tank continues into 2022 with a beat-down of Paddock 9 (10-7). **Next Matchup: Week 9**
* Sweet Dee wins ugly, but wins nonetheless, against an equally shitty Papa's Posse (9-9). **Next Matchup: Week 14**

## Stat Chat

* Duck Punchers becomes the first team in LOC history to win 100 combined games (regular and post). He accomplishes the feat in 168 games. Shotti needs six more wins to join him and has a shot at beating the 168-game record.
* Paddock 9 becomes the second team to reach 90 combined losses.
* Papa's Posse becomes the second team to start a week in last place 20 different times.
* Duck Punchers is on a six game regular season win streak against Multiverse of Mattness and has not lost a game to Commish before the month of December since 2018.

## QB or Not QB

I know last week I mentioned that we'd do a more in-depth draft breakdown this week. You guys didn't actually think I'd find time for that, did you?

HOWEVAH, there was one aspect of this year's draft that blew my mind and it was how late QBs were going. Overall, I felt like fewer QBs were taken than ever before. So I went back and took a look at the previous drafts. Specifically, I wanted to see how many QBs were taken in the first half of each draft. I decided since most seasons had 16 rounds, 8 was a good cut-off.

Well this one was a bit of a shock. I will say, as I was doing this I noticed that in the early seasons most quarterbacks were actually taken in the first THREE rounds. By 2015, that had shifted a ton. The top guys would go early, followed by a wide gap, and then backups would start to get snagged late.

## 2021 Standings - Week One

This section is for all the 0-1 teams out there.

Sure, three of the 0-1 teams missed the playoffs last season. But that guy in 8th place won the whole thing. Week one is just one week.

## The 300-Point Club

Pain Train was admitted into the club for the third time this week with an opening day performance that lived up to the first overall ranking he was given last week.

## Power Rankings - Week 2

Week one proved one thing: nobody knows anything. Did I nail Pain Train being a force to be reckoned with? Yes. Did I nail me, Pat, and Papa sucking? Also yes. But did I nail Shotti coming out swinging with his dusty old roster? No. Did I nail Stupid Idiots shitting the bed? Also no. There is a lot to learn in week two and I think it might clear some things up. In the mean time, let's take a look at the league's rankings with an emphasis on knee-jerk reactions to each team's keepers.

### 1 (1). Pain Train

Choo-Choo motherfuckers. Denver might be run by a bunch of shmucks who somehow still think they should be switching off series between Gordon and Williams, but at least Wilson is smart enough to target him a dozen times in the passing game. So far so baller for Javonte and Adams, who seem to be getting along just fine with their new QBs.

### 2(3). ma ma momma said

George Brittle is out yet again in week two, giving momma some early season agita about not keeping the rights to Diggs. Even without a second keeper, MMMS found a way to sculpt a 258.91-point performance. That is good enough for the best week one in franchise history.

### 3(4). RIPDab

Real team of reverse-destiny shit going on early for RIPDab, a team begging for an excuse to tank. They outscored two teams that won but got stuck with a 300-point matchup, the unwinnable scenario. Paddock 9 has been razzing them all off-season that AJ Dillon was the RB to keep, not Aaron Jones. Well, that may or may not be true, but we're doing kneejerks here. And AJ outscores A.J. in week one. Obviously, Cooper Kupp is looking like a far better keep over Kyler Murray, who Dab was able to snag anyway in a later round.

### 4(5). Duck Punchers

Real game of idiot chess got played this week between Duck and Commish. Duck was waiting for Walker to get ruled out so he could stash him on IR and pick up his first kicker of the season. But that still had not happened by the time the SNF game ended, which opened the door for Commish to grab the only two free kickers remaining. The Kicker gambit did not pay off for Commish as Big Booty Jeudy hauled in an absolute "fuck it, someone will catch this" pass from "Russell Wilsonbody Tell Me What's Going On Here" against the Seahawks. Duck broke the 200 barrier with no kicker, but his two keepers were not a part of that. Etienne and CeeDee were absolute buzzkills, and in offenses that look flat this could be a season-long issue.

### 5(2). The Stupid Idiots

Even Nick felt like I had ranked him too high this week, and I appreciate him backing up his self-depricating trash talk with a dud of a week one performance. Alvin Kamara is already dealing with an injury that will sideline him this week, which has to be making Idiots sweat considering he gave up Pitts to have Alvin. He dedicated a lot of draft cap to the RB position, but if Chubb is the only one who is going to show up every week this could spell trouble.

### 6(10). The Shotti Bunch

I'll say this about TSB. He had a good game. Hell, even an old dog can play a game of fetch with his master once in a while. But could you take him to the dog park two days in a row? We'll see. Shotti emerged from his hibernation to shit talk in the thread and let the league know he's still here, but the reality is that only five of his 11 players met their projection. A 55-pointer from Barkley aided by one giant play will hide a lot of ugliness. Zach ow-it-Ertz, Decoy Metcalf, and No One will Hunter RenThrow Me the Ball all looked pretty useless out there. But hey, if I keep talking shit maybe Shotti will keep bringing the heat and that's exactly what I want. So Shotti, if you're reading this, let's see what you got.

### 7(8). Multiverse of Mattness

Good news: the two keepers are great. Awesome choice @ me. Bad news, there isn't a whole lot else to be happy about. This team played...okay. Just okay. Good, not great. There will be...runningbacks...on this team, right? Yeah, we'll see. For now, all the focus needs to be on beating a vulnerable Paddock 9 team who is competing with Mattness for "team that should have been good but isn't" of 2022.

### 8(7). Paddock 9

No point in beating a dead horse or a married man. We've all taken our shot at Pat for the Cam Fakers performance. Now Dobbins is out again. Travis Kelce had a lackluster follow up to his great week one performance. And now here we are. Somehow in a week two must-win game for Paddock a day after he got shitfaced at his wedding sequel party. As far as keepers go, Diggs is great. Pitts had a rough start but I don't expect that to last. I'm not buying that Patterson will once again be the entire Atlanta offense. I think this team could be okay but they'll need to activate wheel-and-deal mode fairly soon.

### 9(6). Sweet Dee

They won and that's all that matters, even if it was the second lowest score of the week. AJ Dillon seems like a good get, while Austin Ekeler's usage through two weeks is a little worrisome. Similar to Javonte, he's being bailed out by his ten grabs per game. But the bad part is that Sweet Dee is strongest early. If a 160-burger is the strongest this squad is going to get, it could be another rough year for ya girl.

### 10(9). Papa's Posse

My dad asks me why he doesn't get the writeups anymore. It's because I can't bear to hurt him, and I don't think I've ranked him top five in like four years. Tom Brady for keeper. In this climate? Ay yay yay. But hey, Mike Williams looked awesome on a field without Keenan Allen. Maybe this will inspire the fractured remains of Justin Herbert to get him involved more even after Allen returns. I don't want to say this seaosn is DOA for Papa but I do think that he needs to make the most of his hot start to week two.

## Matchup of the week

Outta time. Gotta set my lineups. Who we want? Fuck it. Me and Pat. Best Man vs. Groom. May the least bad team win.

Love you guys. Talk soon. Diggs OUT.