Tony the Milkman

Spoiler warning!*This page contains significant spoilers for large events in the CBW series. If you haven't watched the series yet, turn back now.*

### **Entrance music**

The Fly Guy Five - "Masterplan Gone Wrong"
Mac Taboel - "Life of a Cowboy" (as Tony the Cowboy)

## Stats

### **Gimmick**

Veteran (High Flier as Tony the Cowboy)

**Tony the Milkman** (formerly **Tony the Cowboy**) was a wrestler in the City British Wrestling promotion from Puddington in Yorkshire. He was a milkman and knew many puns to that effect. His blood was made partially of milk. He wrestled from the 60s until the mid-90s when he retired. He had a son, Kid Flippz, who passed away in front of him, causing him massive trauma.

> I could beat them all around the ring until the cows come home. And when the cows come home I'LL FUCKIN' MILK 'EM.
>
> Tony the Milkman, The Milkman's Retirement

## Appearance

As Tony the Cowboy, he wore a white duster and cowboy hat, with a black bandana mask.

Later in his career, eighteen years before his death, he was the picture of a legacy wrestler. He wore white trunks and white boots with pictures of milk bottles on them.

Closer to his death, he had become a slightly aged, grey-haired wrestler with an 80s style coiff. He wore a white jacket and trousers and had a bit of a paunch sticking out. To wrestle, he still wore his white trunks.

For Tony's final appearance, he wore a tie-dye version of his usual milkman's getup. He was thinner than usual at the time of the match.

## Biography

### Origins

Milk was in Tony's family's bloodline since before they moved to Puddington from across the pond. (*The Colossal Tussle II*)

### Tony the Cowboy

In the mid-1960s, Tony had a cowboy theme and was called Tony the Cowboy. He was more of a rebel than who he would later become, and owned a black stallion, Handsome Horse Helmsley, also known as Triple H. (*Welcome BACK To City British Wrestling*)

For a match against Albert Hall, Tony appeared atop Triple H who ran through the crowd and leapt into the ring. He dismounted and spoke about being a rebel. At the start of the fight, Tony tried "interrupting cowboy" knock knock jokes. He applied the Rootin' Tootin' Sharp Shooter and lassoed Albert's legs, but he escaped. For Tony's Cowordinated Effort move, Triple H led three cows to form a stack so Tony could do a Lonestar Shooting Press finisher and pin Albert Hall to win. Tony rode out of the ring on Triple H into a fake sunset. (*Welcome BACK To City British Wrestling*)

### Alcoholism and becoming the Milkman

Before Tony was a milkman, he was "on the sauce," and had a twelve-can-a-day drinking habit. The doctors said it would be impossible for him to replace this amount with milk, but he was able to do so by becoming a milkman. He thus donned the name Tony the Milkman. (*The Colossal Tussle*, *Welcome BACK To City British Wrestling*)

Early in his milkman gimmick, Tony wrestled Geezer in an event named Carry On Carnage. He also fought The Tall Father and was in the tag team The Delivery Boys with the Postman. (*Welcome BACK To City British Wrestling*)

### Calcium Chompionship

At the Colossal Tussle eighteen years before the year of his death, Tony fought Jurgen Flopp for the Calcium Chompionship and thus for the milk distribution rights in the UK. In the match, he said that being a milkman was about family, not just making kids' bones strong. He performed his Cowboom, Moosiah of the Backbreaker, and Milkman Suplex moves. He defeated Jurgen with a Full Churn, forcing him to tap out. He said to Jurgen that in eighteen years, he would still be there as Chompion and would thus still have the UK milk distribution rights. (*A Regal Engagement*)

After the match, An attractive blonde woman, Doris, waited in the stands to showed Tony a baby boy; Kid Flippz. Tony assumed the boy was his. (*Wrestlers' Court*) To celebrate finding out that he had a son, he milked a bottle of milk as a momento of "the happiest day of my life" and as a symbol that milk was "a life-giving substance". (*The Colossal Tussle II*)

### Meeting Doris and raising Kid

Tony met Doris when he was delivering milk to her. Her house became his favourite place to stop, and she was his biggest tipper. He married her and became the father of Kid who he taught about milk and wrestling. However, he was a somewhat absent father as he was too focused on wrestling. (*The Milkman's Retirement*)

One day, Tony was on his rounds and stopped at Doris' house. She answered the door with Kid Flippz tugging on her skirt. When Tony said he was from City British Wrestling, Kid said he wanted to be in it when he grew up. Tony said he would teach Kid if he learnt to skateboard, and taught him the other half of the Full Churn on Doris. Kid gave Tony a tiny wooden skateboard he made.

On Kid's birthday, Kid opened a parcel from Tony which contained a tie-dye t-shirt that was too big for him with a note that said "you'll grow into it," as well as an invitation to try out for CBW on the back. (*The Regal Wrangle*)

### Partying with Silver Bro

Silver Bro once claimed that he "was partying with The Milkman a few years back," and implied that they used hallucinogenic drugs. (*The Milkman's Retirement*)

### Battered by Apex

Tony was first seen in the series when he arrived on a milk float to his Sunday Night Lightning match against Apex, accompanied by two Bavarian milk maids. He ended up with both busted knees, two busted fingers and a minor skull fracture. While Apex squeezed his skull, Kid tried to save him but Apex tossed Kid away. Apex pinned him and he lost. However, Apex continued attacking him. Kid stopped Apex by crowd surfing into Apex's head with a double drop kick, and the father-son duo beat him to the ground. QC interrupted this.

After the match, a beaten Tony sat in the locker room. Kid came in to comfort him. He tried to persuade Tony that he shouldn't go on any further because he didn't want to lose the closest thing he had to a dad. Kid asked if Tony would be in his corner that night, and Tony said he would. However, someone came to retrieve Tony for City British Wrestling's management to speak with him. He was later seen leaving the office of management, dejected. He had missed Kid's fight. (*Welcome To City British Wrestling*)

### Risking retirement

In the same room one week later, Tony and Kid had an argument. They hadn't seen each other since they were last there. Tony said management had told him that if he lost his next match, he would be forced to retire. Kid said "maybe they're right," as he didn't want Tony to hurt himself and wanted a better, more present father. After some argument involving Doris, Tony walked away.

Later, Tony fought Stretch Farmstrong and risked retirement from CBW if he lost. He entered by tipping two wooden cows which sprayed milk from their upturned udders, providing a curtain for him to walk through. During the match, he executed a beautiful Double Underhook suplex. Kid came down with a towel which enraged Tony. He performed the Full Churn and Stretch tapped out, but this harmed Tony significantly despite his win. Kid tried to clean the blood, but Tony shouted at him.

Later, he lay in a hospital bed, attended to by Bitch Doctor and Fight Nurse. Kid entered the room to comfort Tony, and Doris came with him. Bitch Doctor told them that if Tony tried to wrestle again, he may die. (*The Milkman's Retirement*)

### The Regal Wrangle

Tony entered the Regal Wrangle alongside middle-aged women in their nightgowns who quick-changed him into white trunks. He shook The Denimatrix's hand but she attacked him, and they fought. Later, blows traded with Valhalla Kadabra led to Tony recieving a busted knee from kneeing him in the groin, a split nose from a headbutt, both dislocated shoulders and three broken ribs.

Kid entered and cracked Tony's shoulders into place using a medical flip and they worked with Denim to take Valhalla down. When Kid was knocked out of the ring after a real-time flashback, Tony caught him and launched him into Denim, empowered by his fatherly love. Denim later smashed the heads of Kid and Tony together and they responded with a Full Curdle. When he and Kid did the Full Churn on Denim, he passed out. Kid called for Fight Nurse and got the nurse to carry Tony out of the ring. (*The Regal Wrangle*)

### Kid's sabotage

The next week, Tony entered his no holds barred match against Christian Outrage (booked by QC to spite Kid) in a coffin, alongside ten black milk floats with flowers and wreaths. He wouldn't go out without a fight. He tried to tie Christian up in the ropes but Christian reversed this. Tony used milk from one of the floats to escape, then grabbed a chair. He motioned for Christian to back off, but he clubbed Tony in the head with a lead pipe. Tony got him in a headlock, then went for a strenuous Full Churn with the chair.

Kid ran in, superkicked Tony unconscious and pulled Christian on top of him. Tony came to, punched Christian away, and argued with Kid, using many milk puns in the process. Christian returned with a table and dragged Tony towards it. He was able to get Tony ready for a nasty powerbomb. Kid returned and smashed a milk bottle over Christian's head, who dropped Tony weakly. Christian got him into an ankle lock but Tony cracked Christian over the head with Kid's wooden skateboard and pinned him with his Total and Udder Annihilation move to win.

Kid took the microphone and said he would have to stop Tony at the Colossal Tussle if he did not stop himself, using what Tony taught him. Tony said he had more tricks up his sleeve. They went to talk about it in the car. (*Kid Flippz Vs The Milkman*)

### The Colossal Tussle

At his retirement match at the Colossal Tussle, he risked retirement from City British Wrestling forever. A milkman who wasn't Tony entered to military music, on a bull. The man wore military medals and bore a flag with crossed milk pints on it. Bavarian milk maids drummed on milk pales. Milk floats fired milk from bottle-shaped cannons, and a giant spinning set of udders descended and spurted milk. One udder excreted Tony, and he saluted. He spoke of his past alcoholism.

Kid entered and urged his father to lay down. Tony refused and they wished each other good luck. On the bell, they shook hands. Tony went for a lock up but Kid immediately pinned him. As the referee counted, he thought that without wrestling he'd be completely lost, and how wrestling and delivering milk led him to Kid. Kid released the hold just before the three count, conflicted.

Kid begged him to lay down, but he refused. Kid pinned him again but released him on the two count and told him to fight; he wanted a whole dad to come home, not just semi-skimmed. He stood up to the task, but his need to give the City British public what they wanted led to him recieving several more bad injuries. Eventually, he tripped Kid, enabling Kid to feel justified in taking him out of action. Kid finished him, dealing further damage. Tony was proud, and said "being a dad is the best job I've ever had," before Kid pinned him.

The count went through and Fight Nurse attended to Tony with several other medics. He stopped them from carrying him out of the ring and raised his son's hand. Kid caught him as he fell, and raised his father's hand in return. Tony said the crowd were like a second family to him, but that he had a family that was much closer; Doris and Kid. (*The Colossal Tussle*)

### CBW hiatus

Over the course of the two-year hiatus in City British Wrestling, Tony longed to wrestle again and became obsessed with the VCR tapes of his early wrestling career. He did not come to Kid's warm-up matches, finding it too emotionally painful. (*Welcome BACK To City British Wrestling*)

### CBW returns and Kid's death

Upon the return of City British Wrestling, Kid found Tony in the gym, watching his VHS tapes, particularly his fight with Albert Hall. Kid was angered at Tony's state, but Tony said it would take him time to come to one of Kid's matches. Tony was concerned with Kid's mental state also as he didn't flip or say "cowabunga" anymore, but Kid said that catchprhrases were like wrestlers, because they get old.

> You're always winning to me, boy.
>
> Tony the Milkman, Welcome BACK To City British Wrestling

During Kid's match against The Fisherwoman, Tony finally worked up the courage to go and see Kid wrestling, though this was still a way into the match. Before Kid performed his Heart Shaped Flops finisher, he finally spotted Tony in the crowd. Tony's hear burst with pride. However, a lantern that Tony's long-standing enemy Jurgen Flopp had loosened earlier fell and hit Kid. Tony ran into the ring, and Kid asked if he won. Tony said "you're always winning to me, boy." After Kid died, Bitch Doctor told him she was sorry for his loss.

When Tony was on his own in the ring again, Jurgen appeared at the top of the ramp. He said that Tony "should never cry over spilt milk." (*Welcome BACK To City British Wrestling*)

### Flippz's funeral and Fred's training

> You have awoken a buttery biscuit BASTARD, AND THE STREETS WILL RUN WITH MILK WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!
>
> Tony the Milkman, Let's Do A Sad!

At Kid's funeral, he said Kid was the future of the business, that he worked every day until the cows came home, and that when the cows came hom he flipped them. He said that being Kid's father was the best title he'd ever won, and placed Kid's broken skateboard on the coffin. He said that Jurgen had awoken a "buttery biscuit bastard" in him, and that "the streets will run with milk." He walked up the ramp, turned to lock eyes with Jurgen, and began to leave. However, Fred the Postman stopped him and said they needed to talk.

In the gym, Tony and Fred squared off. Fred was too good for him; he hit Tony to the floor multiple times to try and persuade him that he was too weak to fight Jurgen, and to let the old guard of CBW take care of it. Tony said he was going to kill Jurgen, but Fred said he would get himself killed if he tried. Tony wondered if that was what he wanted, as he saw himself a failure. Fred said that Tony was like a brother to him, and gave him a final push onto the mat, agitating an old injury from the Tussle.

When Albert Hall was consigned to a hospital bed after Flopp broke both his arms, he and Fred stood beside the bed. Bitch Doctor stood over him with a clipboard. Fred said; "alright Tony. We'll do it ourselves." (*Let's Do A Sad!*)

### The Regal Wrangle II

After Jurgen had tried to blame the death of Kid on Tony through the myth of Icarus and Daedilus in his promo for the Regal Wrangle, he and Fred entered the Wrangle together. They slid under the ropes and immediately hit their Signed, Sealed, Delivered move. After some playing to the crowd, they hit their Sorry We Misschinoku'd You move perfectly and flung Jurgen out of the ring as far as they could. They chased after him and brawled up the ramp. Golden Joe claimed that Tony had saved him from Jurgen because he knew Joe was Kid's best friend. (*A Regal Engagement*)

A week before the Colossal Tussle, Jurgen taunted Tony in a promo, so Tony came to confront him. He spoke of how Jurgen gave up and that he would never do the same, and said that Jurgen had created a man who had nothing to lose; the most dangerous person he'd ever meet. Jurgen recalled his mother saying "I have no son", but said it was funny because Tony didn't have a son either. Tony mocked him for being a coward because of his lackeys in suits. He offered a fight at the Tussle, which Jurgen accepted because he wasn't chicken, he was cow. (*Wrestlers' Court*)

> When I'm through with you, Jurgen, they're gonna be calling it parmigiano regicide.
>
> Tony the Milkman, Wrestlers' Court

### Calcium Chompionship II and death

The Wrestletron showed Tony's gym with his VHS tapes and old TV smashed to pieces. A fridge full of milk had one shelf on which was a smaller fridge with a combination lock, with a dusty bottle of milk inside. On the ramp, A garbage truck, bus, coach, ambulance, fire engine and postman's van lined up. A milk float with a huge chrome engine emerged and hit a ramp before Tony stepped out in a tie-dye outfit. He looked thinner, either from grief or lack of sleep. He spoke of the milk in his bloodline and drank the bottle he had milked 18 years ago. He said that the match would be the final stop on his round. Jurgen Flopp entered and spit milk into Tony's face, which he wiped off.

Immediately on the bell, Tony hit Jurgen with a Live and Superkicking and knocked Jurgen to the floor three times, the last being the hardest ever seen. After some grappling, Jurgen bit the back of Tony's head and burst his voicebox. Jurgen taunted him before executing a Clarissa Explains It All Moonsault. Tony broke out of his Rinderverstümmelung move, and asked him if his mother was proud, saying "you're fookin dead to her". More grappling led to Tony putting Jurgen in an arm bar. A burst of power shot through him, cracking Jurgen's body in several places. Jurgen confessed to killing Kid and yielded.

> Cowabunga, motherfucker.
>
> Tony the Milkman, The Colossal Tussle II

The surge of power left Tony as he dropped Jurgen. His heart stopped as his body went into shock; his eyes locked on Jurgen's. He said "cowabunga, motherfucker", before hitting the mat. Tony's theme played as Fight Nurse and Bitch Doctor burst down the ramp. They carried him out of the ring on a stretcher. (*The Colossal Tussle II*)

### Legacy

In the match that followed Tony's death, Golden Joe featured a cardboard cutout of Tony in his entrance, next to a banner of Joe and Kid Flippz that said "RIP". He claimed that Tony was his friend and adopted dad. (*The Colossal Tussle II*)

## Entrances

In his entrances, Tony was often accompanied by lots of milk, and was often flanked by two Bavarian milk maids or other women. A common mode of transport used by him was the milk float, often kitted out with different attachments. When his career and health was being threatened, his entrances had the theme of funeral parades.

## Signature moves

### As Tony the Cowboy

* **Rootin' Tootin' Sharpshooter** - A sharpshooter after going through the opponent's legs.
* **Cowordinated Effort** - He whistled for cows to run down to the ring and form a stack, so he could get on top and perform another move.
* **Lonestar Shooting Press** - A finisher with a backflip, landing flat on his opponent.

### As Tony the Milkman

* **Cowboom** - A running knee to the back of his opponent's head.
* **Moosiah of the Backbreaker** - A backbreaker on his knee.
* **Milkman Suplex** - A fisherman suplex, hooking both legs.
* **Double Udderhook** - A suplex over the shoulder.
* **Milk Float** - A superfly splash.
* **Full Churn** - Strenuous rotation of the opponent's leg in circles. Can be doubled in effectiveness with a second person churning the other leg. This could cause extreme damage to Tony because of the sheer exertion it demanded.
* **Full Curdle** - Requires two people to crush the target wrestler between them.
* **Total and Udder Annihilation** - A beautiful pin involving folding the opponent's limbs into a perfect knot, turning them over and using one finger to hold them down.
* **Signed, Skimmed, Delivered** - With Fred the Postman, he hit their opponent with a rising knee after Fred's punch, then he locked in a tazplex, Fred hit a big boot and Tony followed it with a suplex.
* **Sorry We Misschinoku'd You** - Fred went for a kick for the opponent to catch, then into a enzuigiri which hey ducked, but he came back for another enzuigiri and flipped around for Tony to catch the opponent in a mishinoku driver.
* **Tap Owt** - A Kimura lock.
* **Dadditude Adjustment** - In memory of Kid Flippz, a fireman's carrier into some sort of drop.

1. ↑ Tony was 55 as of *The Milkman's Retirement*, which was two years ago.