Steamed Hams

**Steamed Hams** is a memorable skit between Principal Skinner and Superintendent Chalmers on the animated sitcom *The Simpsons*. The scene has been a popular reference point for fans, who have re-contextualized quotes from the skit making it the frequent subject of crapposting on Facebook and YouTube.

## Origin

“Steamed Hams” comes from a scene in the *Simpsons* episode "22 Short Films About Springfield, which first aired on April 14th, 1996. In the episode, which is an anthology of 22 short scenes about several of the citizens of Springfield, the characters of Principal Skinner has Superintendent Chalmers over for dinner in a play on the “dinner with the boss” sitcom trope (shown below). The dinner, as per the trope, does not go according to plan, as Skinner burns the dinner, leading him to cover the truth about dinner through elaborate and increasingly unbelievable series of lies. After burning dinner and telling Chalmers that he’s making “steamed clams” for dinner, Skinner attempts to convince Chalmers that what he had prepared “steamed hams” for dinner, an expression for hamburgers, he says, which is native to Albany, New York.

While the line has been quoted by fans since the episode aired, one of
the earliest examples of it being used online comes from a November 15th, 2007 ***Urban Dictionary*** post by user Delaware Mike, who defines “Steamed Hams” as: *''Hamburgers. An Albany, New York expression, its not to be confused with steamed clams.''*

## Transcript

CHALMERS: Well, Seymour, I made it... despite your directions.

SKINNER: Ah, Superintendent Chalmers! Welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!

CHALMERS: Yeah...

SKINNER: [gasp] Oh egads, my roast is ruined! But what if... I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? [to himself] Oh ho ho ho ho... delightfully devilish, Seymour!

CHALMERS: Uh-

[cue song]

*Skinner with his crazy explanations,*

*The superintendent's gonna need his medication,*

*When he hears Skinner's lame exaggerations,*

*There'll be trouble in town tonight!*

[end of song]

CHALMERS: Seymour!

SKINNER: Superintendent, I was just, uh... just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise! Care to join me?

CHALMERS: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?

SKINNER: Uhh... no! That isn't smoke. It's steam. Steam from the *steamed* clams we're having! Mmm... steamed *clams*! [beat] Phew...

[a few moments later]

SKINNER: Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!

CHALMERS: I thought we were having steamed clams.

SKINNER: D'oh, no. I said steamed *hams*! That's what I call hamburgers!

CHALMERS: You call hamburgers "steamed hams?"

SKINNER: Yes. It's a regional dialect!

CHALMERS: Uh-huh... uh, what region?

SKINNER: Uhh... upstate New York?

CHALMERS: Really? Well, I'm from Utica, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "steamed hams."

SKINNER: Oh, not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression.

CHALMERS: I see. [beat] You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.

SKINNER: Oh ho ho ho... no, patented Skinner burgers. Old family recipe.

CHALMERS: For "steamed hams".

SKINNER: Yes.

CHALMERS: Yes, and you call them "steamed hams" despite the fact they are obviously grilled.

SKINNER: Ye- hey- you know, the- one thing I should- excuse me for one second.

CHALMERS: Of course.

SKINNER: [YAWN] Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all, I'm pooped.

CHALMERS: Yes, I should be- Good Lord, what is happening in there!?

SKINNER: Aurora borealis?

CHALMERS: Uh- aurora borealis!? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen!?

SKINNER: Yes!

CHALMERS: May I see it?

SKINNER: No.

AGNES: Seymour, the house is on fire!

SKINNER: No, mother—it's just the northern lights!

CHALMERS: Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say... you steam a good ham.

AGNES: Help! *Help!*