Kubocian (Kubo x Lucian)

> *"Exactly." Kubo breathed out. Finally. Someone who wasn't a total idiot.* - Kubo Atsushi, admiring that Lucian actually began to reason what was going on.
>
>

Kubocian is the slash ship between Kubo Atsushi and Lucian Arbred from Danganronpa: Blood and Water.

Canonical?: Semi-Canon

Status of Relationship: Therapist & Client, Friends, Allies, One-Sided Feelings on Lucian's side, Begrudging Reluctant Attraction on Kubo's side

Type: Slash

Also Known As: LuciKubo, Minecraft Bread, Bread Cubes, Therapy Investigation, Fluffy Hair Buddies, The People With Brain Cells In The Room, Actual Investigation Contributors, Light From The Grave, I Can Fix Him, "Elementary, My Dear Lucian", Lucibo, Kucian, Achilles and Patroclus, The Bringer and Preventer of Death, Electric Chair (this last one requires extensive explanation lmao, you can ask if you want), Comfort Pillows, Stardust and Roses, Wasting Our Chances For The Last Time

Tropes: stealing your hoes, cuz you dead, One Head Taller, Long-Haired Pretty Boy (both of them lmao), Enemies to Lovers, I Can't Believe a Guy Like You Would Notice Me, Because You Were Nice To Me, First Love (From Lucian's perspective), Everyone Can See It (This is most noteworthy from Darcy Harper and Mei Akamatsu), Second Love (Kubo's perspective), I Owe You My Life, Am I Just a Toy to You?, Did They or Didn't They?, Entitled to Have You, Get A Room!, Crush Blush, She Is Not My Girlfriend!, Accidental Kiss

## Ship Song Status:

Your Stupid Face - Kaden MacKay

"I just really hate your face

Though I know that won't surprise you

But, to me, your skin is one giant wart

And your laugh's one big snort

And you stink, so in short

I despise you

You disgrace the human race

'Cause you're more of a mosquito

I would rather have the dentist and drill

Then this swine in the swill

And if you were a bill, I would veto

And if the world was perfect, you would be gone without a trace

But since the world could never be that great

I'll just hate your stupid face

Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo

Doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo-doo

Oh, no

No

I just really like your face

You don't have to look so happy

I'm not really into love that you flaunt

In some glittery font

But if that's what you want

Make it snappy

I just feel so out of place

Well, except for when you're near me

When you're gone, I'm like a plant with no root

Or a song that's on mute

Don't you dare call it cute!

You should fear me!

And if the world was perfect, you would've never invaded my space

But since the world's obsessed with saying, "psych!"

Now I like your stupid face

Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo

Doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo-doo

I just really miss your face

Though, by now, I must disgust you

I had tried to be the stubbornest mule

'Cause I knew life was cruel

So I guess I was foolish to trust you

But I wait here just in case

Though I know I'm being senseless

How could I have ever been so naive

And wear my heart on my sleeve

When I knew it would leave me defenseless?

And if the world was perfect, you would be here in my embrace

But since the world denied me one last kiss

I'll just miss your stupid face

Doo-doo-doo-doo

What are you doing here?

I didn't run away!

It was... it was a strategic retreat

What is there to talk about? It's over—I ruined it

Well, yeah of course I'm sorry, but

No, no, don't forgive me!

Why do you do that?

Why—why give me another chance to mess things up?

Because you—what?

Those three little words

Out of the blue

Completely uncalled for

Especially from you

Why don't you hate me?

Why do you care?

Can't you berate me? Isn't that fair?

Where is your glare?

Don't you dare leave our problems and pain on the shelf!

Because if you don't hate me, I can't hate myself

But that's why I need you

You shatter my fear

'Cause despite my misdeed, you are still right here

Though it's stupid to date me

You're willing to try

And if you don't hate me, then why should I?

Are you sure you don't want to give up on me?

You're a moron

So you think that we could work?

Here I thought I'd been the dumb one—what?

You're forgiving me for all I did wrong

You're unmuting the song

And, again, I belong to someone

No! You can drop the stupid smirk

Though by now I guess you've earned that

'Cause no matter how intensely I pout

Your stupid face will win out

And I guess it's about time I learned that

And though we go together like a Chanel Nº 5 and mace

At least it's not as dull as fitting like a glove

'Cause you're a nightmare that I've not been dreaming of

But I suppose that when push comes to shove

Fine!

I love your stupid face

Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo

Doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo-doo

Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo

Your stupid face"

## Trivia

* Lucian is the one person in the cast Kubo doesn't completely f\*\*king hate.
* They both have long, fluffy hair.
* They're both more introverted characters, who speak very little.
* Lucian worries for Kubo's safety, with his identity as the Ultimate Detective outed. He wants to try to protect him from any possible danger.
* However... it's noteworthy that Lucian worries for everyone's safety, so that might not mean anything.
* Lucian considers Kubo to be intelligent, and someone to be listened to.
* Kubo is Lucian's first crush, and this is most noteworthy by his intense confusion about his feelings and ridiculous amounts of nervousness around him. This is probably because Lucian was always great at managing his feelings, but when they became romantic? He wasn't used to that, oh no.
* It's become canon multiple times inside the crack roleplay, LMAO.
* Funnily enough, the two are stark opposites in how they act when they're in love with people.
* Lucian's feelings may have been prodded to more extensive degrees from Darcy and Mei's reactions to the idea of something going on between him and Kubo.
* Lucian apparently thinks of Kubo as "cool, interesting, someone unlike anyone he's ever met before, loves his gloves, his hair, and his eyes".
* Lucian is apparently willing to do anything for Kubo, although, that may just be a superfluous reaction to being in love with him.
* It's been confirmed by Serendibite, in a totally existent tweet, that if KuboCian becomes canon, Kubo will absolutely fuck Lucian just to spite Kaoru.
* The alternate ship name, "Achilles and Patroclus", originates from Lucian's love of Greek mythology, and their... less than couth Charon discussion.
* It has been confirmed by Serendibite, in a totally existent tweet, that Kubo and Lucian canonically had sex when they slept in the same bed in Chapter 2. (This is PROBABLY a joke)
* Lucian has thought or said "I love you" about Kubo more than any other character has ever thought about anyone so far in both Games 1 and 2.
* They are the only pairing in both Game of Wits and Blood and Water that have had three kissing moments without even becoming canon yet.
* Dorky is too obsessed with drawing them and has trouble doing almost anything else. Please stop him from disgracing this world with his horrible art.

## Ship Playlist

* Line Without A Hook - Ricky Montgomery
* Enchanted - Taylor Swift
* Me and My Husband - Mitski
* Love, Love, Love - Of Monsters and Men
* Mystery of Love - Sufjan Stevens
* Lily - Alan Walker
* Ophelia - The Lumineers
* Counting Stars - OneRepublic
* If I Lose Myself - OneRepublic
* Last Laugh - Blue Rodeo
* Oh! Darling - The Beatles
* Walk Away Renée - The Left Banke
* I Kissed A Boy - Jupither
* Mr. Jones - Counting Crows
* A Long December - Counting Crows
* 'Round Here - Counting Crows
* Accidentally In Love - Counting Crows
* Stupid With Love - Mean Girls
* All of Me - John Legend
* The First Time I Ever Saw Your Face - Roberta Flack
* It's U - Cavetown
* Wine Red - The Hush Sound
* L's Theme - Death Note (Source? I said so)
* When Love Comes - Death Note The Musical
* Space Oddity - David Bowie
* Love Of My Life - Queen
* Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy - Queen
* Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Queen
* Lemon Boy - Cavetown
* Snow - Ricky Montgomery
* This December - Ricky Montgomery
* My Heart Is Buried In Venice - Ricky Montgomery
* I'm Not A Robot - Marina and the Diamonds
* Scarborough Fair - Simon and Garfunkel
* I Don't Love You - My Chemical Romance
* Crush - Tessa Violet
* I Write Sins Not Tragedies - Panic! at the Disco
* Girl That You Love - Panic! at the Disco
* High Hopes - Panic! at the Disco
* Alone Together - Fall Out Boy
* Irresistible - Fall Out Boy
* Hate Me - Nico Collins
* Emo Boy - Ayesha Erotica (EXCLUSIVE TO THE CRACK RP)
* HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON'T - Fall Out Boy
* You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison - My Chemical Romance
* Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na) - My Chemical Romance
* This Is How I Disappear - My Chemical Romance
* Demolition Lovers - My Chemical Romance
* The Ghost of You - My Chemical Romance

(Sigh. I'll add them all here eventually. Here's the link to the Soundcloud playlist I made: https://soundcloud.com/dorkianist/sets/kubocian-playlist)

...there is also a separate Spotify playlist with a lot of other different songs on it. I have a problem. Here it is, for reference: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4oSPOzT1iURzniMOLob1Cg?si=d9sHlR\_CSWOQQIAqgL74Tw

## Quotes

Chapter 1: "She glanced at Lucian. *Why is he paying attention to Kubo?* She ignored the twinge of jealousy."

'"...blood loss," Lucian answered. "...wait. Do you mean you think that the cause of death, has something to do with the identity of the killer? Such as... their talent?"

"Lucian raised his hand, in a stop motion. "NO! Shut the f\*\*k up. Kubo has something to say. I think we've got something wrong here!" He looked over at Kaoru. "...we can't risk that."'

"But he moved in Kubo's direction, and whispered in his ear. "Hey... be careful, okay? I don't think people will kill you just because of what Kaoru said. If you need my help with anything, just ask." "...okay. If you want to talk, we should probably find somewhere more private to do it." Lucian somehow felt awkward mentioning that. His face flushed. *The hell? Am I thinking of what I said about Kaoru?"*Chapter 2: "...has anyone here seen Kubo? He has blue pigtails, painted nails, ear piercings, and he listens to MCR. I don't know why I just stated that description."

*"Still, I guess, better him than someone else. Pfft."*

"Lucian didn't know what the warm feeling was coming over him, as he watched Kubo fiddling with his gloves, seemingly uttering to himself. Somehow, there was something endearing about his awkwardness. He looked forward to helping him. He turned to Darcy, who appeared to be smirking for some reason. What was on [his] mind?"

"They saw the look in Lucian's eyes when he looked at Kubo. They heard the tone he spoke to him in. They saw him closely watching him. "Kubo's... something, isn't he?" Darcy winked. "Huh? Oh! Yes, I suppose he is." Lucian didn't seem to get what Darcy was implying. Darcy began to feel frustrated. *Did you learn NOTHING from Kaoru?"*

"Darcy put a finger gun to their chin and raised their eyebrows. "So. You and Kubo are having a little "session", huh? I'll bring the chocolates, and candles!" Lucian stared right at him, perplexed. "...that's kind of you, but, why would we need those?" "To make it romantic, of course!" "...why does a therapy session need to be romantic?" *Oh my god. Do I need to spell it out to him?* "No reason!" Darcy chirped. "I'll go make some chocolates and fetch the candles!"

'"I'm doing *splendid*, thank you very much..." She muttered sarcastically, not too impressed with the whole therapy thing. In fact... "A 'therapy' session..." She air quoted, trying to hold back a smile. "***Together.***" She chortled, immediately covering her mouth as soon as she did so. "Damn, Snow White, how many apples have you eaten?" She thought her own joke was funny, as always, so she laughed a little. "Well... You two have *fun~*" She giggled as she waved him off."

"Snow White eats a poisoned apple, and then… Lucian’s face turned red. ”I-I’M NOT KISSING ANYONE! It’s just- a therapy session. NOT A DATE!” He twisted his hair around his finger nervously. ”I just… think Kubo’s interesting. And cool. And really smart. And I like his gloves. And his hair.” *Wait a minute, where did that come from?* Lucian waved his hands around. ”B-BUT NOT LIKE THAT!” *Dammit. What's gotten into me?!"*

"Uh huh, *suuuuuureee*," She teased, "Oh stop, you're not foolin' anyone, you said the *saaaaaaame* thing with that green-haired chick, then she ended up kissin' you!" Even when Lucian was struck with the horrifying truth, he still wanted to keep Kaoru with him. She deserved to be punished for what she did, yet Lucian forgot all logic in that moment, still wanting to believe in her. What an idiot. And the way he talked about Kubo... He didn't learn his lesson, did he? How many times must a person be hurt to finally understand? Now she had something else to look forward to, the moment Lucian's heart finally shattered and he realized it wasn't worth trying. Or... Maybe it already was? And he was holding on through pure desperation? Either way, she would keep an eye on Lucian and Sawyer, maybe she'll be the little poke that sent them off the edge, maybe even literally. "Lucian, if it really wasn't like that, you'd shut the hell up and go on your merry way to the session, riiiiiight?" Mei's tone was a little more childish this time."

"His heart thudded, and his face grew even redder. "I WAS- I WAS GOING TO! We were just having a conversation. Right now. About how I was going to go have the session with him. Mei. Darcy said [he] was baking chocolates and bringing candles, for some reason?... I guess [he] wanted it to be more cordial." He laughed, for some strange reason. "...K-Kubo. Kissing me. Pfft," he said out loud. "What a weird thought. Nobody wants that. Not even my dog wants that. Wait, I don't have a dog! WHAT I MEANT TO SAY IS I DON'T WANT HIM TO KISS ME, AND- I'm going to go see him right away! FOR A THERAPY SESSION. A THING THAT THERAPISTS AND CLIENTS DO!"'

"He stared into the mirror. So what if he was interesting? So what if Lucian liked his hair, and his gloves, and he was really smart and noticed things everybody else didn't and he was really cool and he kinda wanted to see his hands, just to see what they looked like? AND TO MAKE SURE HE WASN'T SELF-HARMING, OF COURSE!! And... That eye, and... Lucian covered his face with his hands. How would he ever be ready for his own session that he was giving a FRICKING client at this rate?"

"Lucian's eyes were flitting all over the place. But he was trying his best not to look at Kubo, apparently. And for some reason that Kubo couldn't fathom, he was red in the face. Was he sick? "S-So... Are w-we going to have the session together soon?" Kubo asked. "Y-Yeah! Totally! Why not! Anything you say!"'

"It's just a normal client, Lucian. It's not the hot emo detective, Lucian. HE'S NOT HOT, SHUT UP, LUCIAN."

"w-well. I... Could protect you. I mean!! I could, always, like... We could... Form a group with somebody, so you can't die..." He trailed off.

"I've met a lot of interesting people, in my time... As a therapist. You know! Like-- you do. You probably have." He gripped at his sweater nervously. "...but I don't know if I've met someone quite like you before."

"As he did his best to help him, and to understand, Lucian searched Kubo's eyes and his own mind for answers. (When he wasn't trying to look away, I mean. You're supposed to keep eye contact but it's also rude to stare. And it was hard for him to think as straight as he usually did. He just had to remember this was just a client. Not Kubo. Just a client...)"

"And, okay, maybe he was super curious about Kubo too. Maybe he also wanted to know him better too. Like the gloves. He wanted to ask about them. But... That did not contribute to the end goal of helping Kubo. So he resisted the urge. VERY RELUCTANTLY. Though he still found himself accidentally staring at the gloves, a lot."

"Lucian's heart thudded, and his face flushed further, if that was possible at this point. He pointed at himself with an index finger. "m-me? I mean... I-I- don't know. It's supposed to be about you. Making you feel better." He wanted to pull his scarf up or hide in his sweater. Or both. He almost did. Lucian fiddled with is fingers. "...b-but I mean... If you're interested. What do you want me to tell you about?"'

"His voice faltered. "but... I mean, if you want me to talk about it, it's fine! I mean, it's you we're talking about! It's Kubo! You can ask me anything at all!" *Well heck. I didn't mean for that to come out that way at all. Just what has gotten into me?* It was just stupid teasing on Mei's part. So why the heck had it gotten to him this much?! "I-I mean... The point of this is to make you feel better. The point isn't how I feel. So... If you need me to tell you about anything, then that's fine. I'm not supposed to have boundaries in the first place!"'

'"What kind of things do you like? Like, what are your hobbies? And, what do you like receiving for gifts?"'

"But as he gazed into Lucian's eyes, he couldn't say it. Not even disguised- not even something that wouldn't blow his surface personality. Maybe that made him a coward. But damn, this boy was actually kind of cute."

"Kubo Atsushi... was looking into his eyes as he spoke to him. As though he was searching for something. And it made him nervous. A fluttery feeling cast over him, that felt as though it could figuratively cause him to float aw- Lucian blinked. "...secrets?" *Please tell me it's not what I think.* He felt like he'd choke. Surely... it wasn't what he thought, right? Lucian let out a little cough. "Oh! Sure! I'll go. Are... you coming, Kubo?" As soon as he had looked at the boy in question, his gaze couldn't help but flit away again."
"She hooked Boytoy by the arm. "Well then, let's get going~" She grinned at Kubo's responding glare. Boy, he sure was mad over her touching the little one! Oh! Gasp! Could he possibly... be a desperate teenager hooking up with a rando in a murder school?"

"He couldn't forfeit his relationship with Lucian just yet."

"And, his... Interrupted session with Kubo... His face flushed, and a squiggly smile came upon his face. "Poetry... Music... He likes poetry, and music," he murmured to himself, his heart pounding. Oh my god. He loved poetry and music. GODDDAMMIT LUCIAN, GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF. HE'S NOT UNBELIEVABLY CUTE, YOU DO NOT WANT HIS LIPS ON YOURS! WHERE DID THAT THOUGHT EVEN COME FROM?!"

"And... Kubo, of course. But it wasn't just because he was fond of him!! He was vulnerable right now. If anyone decided to kill him because of his talent... Lucian sighed. There were others, here, who desperately needed help. He couldn't let any silly very slight panging in his heart get in the way of that."

"Lucian spotted Darcy out of the corner of his eyes. He recalled their smug expression earlier, and how they'd been so insistent. Chocolates. HEART-SHAPED CHOCOLATES. In heart-shaped boxes! And, candles... and... the scent of... jasmine? Oh, my god, Darcy. Had they... set up his therapy session with Kubo, to be like a DATE?"

"...Lucian found his thoughts drifting to Kubo. He laughed quietly to himself. *Damn it.* So he really... Who knew what Dad would do, if he... if he and Kubo... Lucian wanted to cry. Yeah, right. Like he'd ever get the chance. There was no way Kubo would ever feel the same. And, even if he did... What then? Lucian had never loved before. Not like that, anyway... There was no way Kubo could ever see anything in him. And, even if by some wild chance, they both loved each other... He could never bring a man home. Never. He just had to forget about it. He just had to kill these feelings... *Though, it... couldn't hurt to write a friendly poem, for him, right?"*

"Lucian grimaced. He pulled out a notepad and pen. He had been attempting to write out some possible poems to give to Kubo."

"How did you get seventeen mentally unbalanced teenagers out of a room? He glanced at Lucian. “Lucian,” he whispered. “Can you get them out of here?” Then he glanced at Lucian, and he realized two things. Lucian was having a mental breakdown. Lucian wasn’t an ally. He was a potential killer. Right. How had he forgotten that? They’d known each other for like- two hours by now. Guess that was just how the Ultimate Therapist worked their way under your skin."

*"He doesn't like liars.* Lucian felt as though he had just been stabbed in the gut. A dark look came upon his face. *Then I guess… there really is no way you could ever love me too, could you, Kubo? After all…* He swallowed. He felt like he was going to throw up. He wanted to cry, but he grimaced and forced the tears to remain inside. His lip began to bleed from all the biting he hadn't even noticed he'd been doing. He saw the way Kubo looked at him. Like he despised him. Like he could never trust him in his life. That he would never, ever love him. Lucian would remain absolutely meaningless to him, nothing more than just his therapist. And if he… if he knew… *I’m a liar, too. And if you knew… If you knew the truth… would you assume I must be a bad person too…?"*

"And here he was, foolishly falling in love with a man who probably desperately needed his help. Daydreaming away about being in his arms, when Lucian should have only been offering Kubo a shoulder to cry on."

"And then there was Kubo. Who he had every intention to help, and yet he had gone and fallen for him like a fool anyway. Lucian wanted to lock his feelings away tightly, where they could never be found. But Kubo, unbeknownst to himself, had dug up Lucian's heart and run away with it. While Lucian pined after him, hopeless and empty, with that tingling longing that could only be sated by an "I love you too" and a kiss."

"He picked up his heart and locked it away in a safe, safely and tightly. Kubo… Kubo could have it for all he cared. He could have that way with him of making his heart flutter with a single look. He could have that way with him of making him ache for his kiss. He could have that way with him of making him so nervous and happy every time he saw him, every time he heard his voice. But he would never dream of telling Kubo how he felt. He would never bring the man home, and introduce him as his everything. He would never hold his hand in his. He would help him. That's all he was for."

"2. Her "my-man-has-been-stolen" senses were screaming. "KUBO!" she screamed."

"He didn't want to think about love. He didn't want to love Kubo. He... Why wouldn't his heart stop pounding? This was a client, like any other. He was just... going to sit down and talk to him. A sickness stirred in Lucian's stomach. He didn't want to love Kubo. If he-- if he loved Kubo, what if someone wound up dead?"

""Kubo...?" Kubo felt something break and melt in his heart, at the sound of that voice. He was finally back."

"Lucian's heart pounded. He looked at Kubo, and then away. "O-Oh... I-" His face reddened, and he swung his arm awkwardly sideways. "I was... just here, because, I'm... hungry, and, wow! I totally forgot you'd be here! Kubo's here! Are-- you okay?" Great. That came out great. Way to go, Lucian. ...oh my gosh, he was looking at him. *F\*\*k.* ...don't think about it, don't think about it. You don't love him, you don't love him. He quietly inhaled and exhaled, trying not to hyperventilate. "Can I... please sit w-with you?"'

"Lucian's heart thudded at the sound of Kubo's voice. And... him eyeing him..."

"I... wanted to make sure you were- okay, Kubo." He twisted a lock of his hair around his finger. "...earlier, you seemed upset and I- I didn't- like seeing you like that. You don't... have to tell me anything, if you don't want to. I wouldn't blame you if you don't like or trust me."

*"Maybe he's not all that bad,* he thought. *If he'll approach me like this."*

"He looked into Kubo's eyes, his heart fluttering as he did so."

*"Ask me to spill my heart out to you... For you, I'll do it in a heartbeat. But I doubt I'll ever tell you these two truths.* A metaphorical locket, tucked away, nice and safe, like his mother's scarf around his neck. One truth it held, was that Kubo had his heart. And the other... Was one he never wanted to face."

"...but... yeah... I'd... Make you whatever you want."*Kubo won't ever love you. No one will ever love you. The only people who did are dead now. And they were wrong to.*
*"How ridiculous,* he thought. But something was making his hands tremble. So he just wrapped his arms around Lucian. "I changed my mind," he murmured into his ear. "I didn't mean it. I'm sorry, okay? You're not..." he cringed from the words that initially came to his mind. "The Grim Reaper," he settled on. "Maybe an angel. You prefer that?"'

"The world seemed to come to a stop. Not one more tear left Lucian's eyes. Kubo Atsushi had wrapped his arms around him, and was murmuring in his ear. He was... He was... So close- Kubo was- KUBO WAS HUGGING HIM? Lucian's face was suddenly feeling VERY warm. His heart pounded, feeling that sort of flipfloppy sensation... Of aching. Of contentment... He didn't mean it. He was sorry... Not the Grim Reaper. ...Lucian wasn't the Grim Reaper. And when Kubo was the one saying those words, suddenly it felt like they were almost true. ...maybe an angel. "I... I do- but... I'm- I'm no angel... You're an angel..." His heartrate quickened as he found himself putting his arms around Kubo back. It was only then that he'd realized what he said. "I-I MEAN! It's... Like you're an angel. Too. You... You help so many people. You save so many people. You don't have to be sorry... It's okay. I forgive you. No matter what..." *And I love you, no matter what,* his mind added on. Oh god... He- he... He wanted to feel Kubo's arms wrapped around him forever. Lucian began to feel very nervous, that... Well... Maybe he'd said the wrong things. He- he wasn't supposed to say that. Was he?"

"Hmm. I guess I can see that," he said, not seeing it at all. "I'll accept the compliment. Thanks, angel-boy."

"Lucian smiled awkwardly at him. "Y-Yeah... like- you... protect people. From those who could hurt them." Oh, he did get it. Or, he was pretending to. Lucian wasn't quite sure. *"I'll accept the compliment. Thanks, angel-boy."* His face reddened. He'd... thanked him. Angel... Angel-boy, huh? He imprinted the nickname into his mind... He thought of him... as an angel? Maybe in a sarcastic sense. Probably... in a sarcastic sense? His heart was beating so fast... so, so fast... He almost worried Kubo might hear it. "Y-You're welcome. You're... always welcome." He didn't want to ever get up from this spot. But... well... he'd- probably have to, eventually, wouldn't he? This was- hardly appropriate. What was- what was he doing? Hugging his client for so long, like this... Wasn't this... so selfish? He didn't... deserve this, did he?"

"Kubo and Lucian. *Hugging.* Mei jumped out from hiding and crouched down slightly, sticking her index finger straight at them while putting on an evil grin. "Aaaa-HAH! I *KNEW* YOU TWO HAD SOMETHIN' GOIN ON!" She laughed a little bit before hopping forward, looking down at the two while they hugged. "I don't care WHAT you guys say, I ain't buyin' it! Hehe, *FIIIIIRRRSSST* it was the very odd and totally not suspicious 'THERAPY' session, and now *THIS?* Oh ho ho, now THIS was interesting~" Mei laughed a little bit more before stepping back, placing her hands on her hips and grinning maliciously at the two. She acted completely different from the cold, cruel demeanor Lucian last saw her as, and it all looked genuine too. ... "Awww, am I interrupting a moment? A little *bonding* session? Awww, I'm so sorry! Please forgive me oh great Sally Face, I won't intrude on your little moment with Mr.*Snowflake* over here aaaaaannnyy longer, I'll get outta y'alls hair!" She whirled around on her heel as her arms flew out at her sides, turning around and walking towards the cafeteria slowly, looking back at them the entire time. "I'll *toooottaallly* keep this little thing a secret, don't you worry! Hehe, cya~" She waved them off, but walked so slowly that it looked like she was waiting for them to do something before she left."

""N-No! There's nothing going on between us! It was just a therapy session!" he sputtered, his face reddening and indignant."

"Of course he didn't feel the same way. It would be just stupid to expect that... haha... haha..."

"His stomach twisted with nausea, flip-flopping over and over, but no longer in that warm, soft way it had, as he had learned the feeling of Kubo’s arms and hands tightly around him. …and then he had said what he had said… and left Lucian shattered. ...of course he didn't love him. ...why would he? Why would... anyone? "...you’re right. You were right. You were goddamn right. I love him. I freaking love him. U-Unfortunately…” He grinned a shaky grin at her, the tears still pouring from his eyes, like icicles falling from the ceiling of a cave, shattering like the pieces of his heart. “He’ll… never feel the same way. And- it’s- it’s not even your fault, is it? It’s just mine. It’s all mine. I’m not supposed to love. Especially… not supposed to love a man.”'

“I’m- I’m… just supposed to help others. ...and I don't even... I don't even deserve him."

"*I don’t want to think about you anymore. I don’t… I don’t want to feel this way."*

"…he could never… mean anything to him. And that was the way it was supposed to be…"

"Stupid to think that Kubo-- could ever see him as something."

"Ahhh, the therapist. As much fun as *that'd* be, I want him alive for now. How about, for a first task, that cute little girl with the lavender hair?"

He spotted Mei Akamatsu, but he found his face flushing and his eyes flitting away. After... After their last conversation. He'd accidentally made her aware of his feelings for Kubo.

His heart fluttered, and he tried to look away. God... what did... he see in him, anyway? Kaoru... even wanted him dead, for some reason or other. A queasiness settled in. *I wish I had experience in this... I wish I knew what you're supposed to do when you're in love. And you don't want to be.*

*I'll stick with him, then,* he ultimately decided.

"I... Can lead the way. If you want." He almost inhaled, but didn't. He wanted to breathe as little as possible. To conserve what little oxygen was available. "...I promised I'd protect you, Kubo," he told him, too quietly for anyone else to hear. "...so... Whatever that entails... I'll do it."

He raised his eyebrows at the words, feeling oddly touched, though he knew he shouldn't be.

"I promise to protect you too," he said, meaning it.

Lucian's heart fluttered at the words that came from his mouth, that sounded so genuine. *"I promise to protect you, too."*

"R-REALLY? I mean-" He hadn't intended to say the first word so loudly. "That's... Really sweet of you, Kubo. But... You don't have to. My life isn't important. Yours is. But... So long as I'm alive, I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe."

He wanted to reach for his hand. He longed to gaze into his eyes, and get lost in them. Spinning, spinning... To a place far away... Far up in the clouds...

Kubo... Didn't really mean that, did he? It was...

Truly a lovely thought.

For someone to care about protecting him.

Kubo called him an angel. Angel-Boy. That's what he was to him.

Lucian didn't even realize he'd accidentally wrapped his arms around Kubo until he suddenly drifted back into reality. His face reddened. WAIT WHAT?! He blinked.

What-? What was Lucian doing? What was he saying?

Against his will, Kubo started blushing. "H-Hey- You know I don't really have much... room to judge you," he stumbled over his words. "I'm a detective, you know. You're pretty awesome, and I detected- that-"

Dammit, he wasn't making this less awkward, was he?

He slowly brought his arms up and wrapped them around Lucian. "...Jeez. Don't make this a habit, okay?"

What did... he mean by that, exactly? Lucian's eyes sparkled. ...so... he... he didn't think he was so bad- Oh- gosh- he'd hugged him, why had he done that, he hadn't meant to-

Pretty... awesome? A squiggly smile made its way upon Lucian's face. He tried to stop smiling, but- his face kept twisting back into that shape. His heart pounded in his chest.

He felt Kubo wrapping his arms around him in return, to his surprise. He almost lost his grip from being so startled.

Feeling... Kubo's arms around him again...

Oh, gosh. Oh, goodness. WHAT WAS THIS?!

His face was feeling dangerously hot underneath his helmet.

It was almost nice, being hugged for once.

It wasn't manipulative or too tight, it was just- someone wanting comfort. And offering comfort back.

He found he didn't really want to let go yet.

"That's fine," he decided. "As long as you want, 'kay? I'm your pillow. Take all your weird emotions out on me. Doesn't bother me, so long as you don't start hitting me or something."

Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump.

*He's... my pillow.*

Oh, if only that were true. Because then he...

Lucian felt very warm and fuzzy inside, as he imagined holding Kubo close on a winter's day, inside, indulging in his warmth, and sharing his own with him...

Good god... what was this feeling? ...it... wasn't very common. So at first, it was difficult for Lucian to say what it was...

He felt... *so happy.*

"Kubo... I'd never even think of hitting you. I don't EVER want to do that. And I- I like this... do you... like it too?"

Lucian had had very few fond memories of touch.

But it almost felt like those memories, in the form of photos, had been swept away. Thrown right into the sea, and washed away.

The snow had gone and covered the dreary landscape that was Lucian's former perception of being touched, like this...

If it was with him...

If it was with Kubo...

He wanted to feel this forever.

Lucian felt the butterflies stirring up again. Later?... No, Kubo probably just meant that as a way of dismissing it. God, he was right! He had been being weird about it... "...I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I'm sorry."

He felt Kubo letting go of him, and he was left with the empty aching to be in his arms again.He looked at him pleadingly. "...do you- do you think anyone here might kill someone? Do you... Really think it can't be prevented? I'm supposed to help everyone here, but what help am I if... Someone winds up dead? Maybe it would be better if it was me... a-and... If I died, you'd be protected too, right?"
And something in him didn't want to betray the hope and trust he saw in those wide brown eyes.

Stupid, he admonished himself. But still...

So he'd pray Lucian would die, that shining hope still intact.

Lucian frowned thoughtfully. "I really hope you're right, Kubo. In... That case, do you think our Headmaster is bluffing? Do you think there's a way that, maybe..." His eyes looked at Kubo as though he was made of stars. "We could all get back down to school, together? Maybe we'll escape, or, we'll all live there, and... Everyone can be happy?"

Lucian Arbred didn't laugh all that often. But it seemed the Ultimate Detective could inspire that kind of thing in him...

He'd... Never felt so happy around someone before. Even if he thought of him as an idiot.

He wanted to be *his* idiot.

He sighed, not wanting to get into it. "Okay, okay. I trust you, dumbass. Now let's get going." He hooked Lucian behind the arm and dragged him down the hall.

*He... He trusts me.*

Lucian blushed. Gosh, why did he...

Why did he not even mind Kubo insulting him?

By Kubo hooking his arm and dragging him.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Kubo was TOUCHING him. KUBO ATSUSHI WAS DRAGGING HI-

Calm down. He's just getting you to go with him to investigate this place.

But that didn't stop his heart's insistent pounding...

He was grateful for the helmet, to conceal his facial expressions.

*God... I don't want him to know how I feel. And yet... I really do. But of course, the smart thing to do is not to tell him. Right?*

Lucian longed to not be trapped here. For them to all just be... In a normal school. Because then maybe, one day, he could tell Kubo how he felt, and not be afraid he didn't feel the same way. Maybe they'd ALL have more time together.

No one would have died. They'd all be happy together.

Lucian found himself touching his own arm, warmth still written across his face. Had that really been real?...

He blinked, and then remembered the task at hand. "O-Oh! You found a map! Great work, Kubo!"

Leave it to him to find it so quickly! Maybe he had special experience with checking the right places... You'd need that sort of instinct as a detective, right?

How... Admirable.

Lucian wished he'd stop finding things to add to his treasured rose garden. It felt like it was full of little notes about Kubo, little things he couldn't help but adore about him.

But he wanted to leave the rose garden. He couldn't seem to find the exit, however...

He noticed Kubo scratching it a few times. He wasn't quite sure for what reason, but... Whatever it was... Wow. How thorough. Maybe he was worried about traps?

He tried to shake the thoughts away. Now was not the time to think about... Feelings! He was investigating this place with... A- friend?

Lucian bit his lip. He slowly put his hand overtop of Kubo's.

"...are you okay? Is something bothering you? It's okay if you need help... I'm here. You don't have to say what's wrong if you don't want to. I just... I hate to see you hurting. You don't have to just be our perfect detective all the time, always chasing after his next investigation. ...you're human too. It's okay if you're hurting right now..."

Lucian nodded. "...r-right. Okay. You know, I..." His voice faltered. "...besides your talent, I really don't see why anyone would want you dead, Kubo."

...they say love is blind. Am I blinded by the way I see you, Kubo Atsushi? You... who I think is so wonderful.

He saw flowers in his hair. He saw stars in his eyes. He heard the voice of an angel whenever he spoke.

He admired him. He trusted him.

...he... loved him.

Lucian couldn't help but wonder if he wore rose-colored glasses as he looked at him.

Am I blind? Is he really... how I see him?

He couldn't afford to see someone like this.

...but...

There was just something about him.

"Got it? You say you want me alive. Prove it, and let's get going."

Lucian's eyes widened, and he hurried after Kubo. "...Kubo. Of course I do. Of course I want you alive," he whispered. What he whispered next, even quieter, was too quiet for Kubo to hear, a silent rustle of wind underneath his breath. "...because I love you."

No matter how pretty his eyes were, or how his hair fell around his shoulders, fluffy and flowing, so soft he wanted to put his hands in it. No matter how soft and warm his hands were, no matter how cute he somehow managed to make that chunky spacesuit.

None of that mattered, because Lucian was an idiot to look to Kubo for safety. And Kubo wouldn't put his life at risk by getting attached to someone with so little survival instinct. He wouldn't like Lucian, even if he thought he was kinda pretty.

Kubo jumped back, spinning to glare at Lucian. He prepared to fight... but the anger bled out of him. Lucian helped him. It could've just been like... an instantaneous reaction, but still...
He bit his lip.

"Thanks, Lucian. You... kinda saved me there. I guess. Stupid ship."

Lucian's eyes stirred into tears. "Y-...Yeah..." He was unable to stop the tears from leaking into his voice. "...y-you- could have died... Kubo. I'm really doing a lousy job of keeping you alive, aren't I?"

"Come on," he snapped. "Don't be ridiculous. You just saved my ass. I was the one not paying attention. Blame me, if anyone."

He kicked at the ground. A stray pebble tumbled down into the abyss. He glared at its descent.

Then he turned back to Lucian. "See that? That was me, if you hadn't been thinking as quick as you had. So just shuttup, okay? I've done all the comforting I have in me for today. If you want more, find the Ultimate Therapist, kay?" He inhaled. "I'll... find a way across. Thanks, again."

I wouldn't want to put you in danger...

He found himself lingering at the edge. "But... I- I promised to protect you. To protect your life. So whether that... means my own death or not... either way, I'll do whatever it takes."

Kubo didn't grace that with a reply. How ridiculous that was.
He tried to ignore the tiny part of him that said he was denying it for an entirely different reason. That part was stupid, snivelling and cowardly-

And something in it made him want to hide beneath his blankets and cry.

He was interrupted by Kubo poking him. He went completely still, his face going red.

"You going to press it or not?"

"OF COURSE! SURE! For you, anything!" Lucian laughed nervously. His eyes widened, and he cleared his throat. "S-Sorry! I don't- know why that came out. Must be the lack of oxygen in here. I-I'm not thinking straight."

Lucian just nodded. I hope he'll be okay crossing alone...

"...be careful, okay?" he told Kubo. "...I don't want you to fall..."

Lucian didn't want to think that to be true... but...

...why did he dare hope for anything? Of course Kubo didn't care about him.

...he may have trusted him, but he didn't care about him.

He doesn't love you.

He doesn't care about you.

He knew he didn't like him. There was no way Kubo had ever liked him. No way he ever would like him.

. . .

But...

Why did... he...

Why did he adore him anyway?...

Lucian looked at what he'd written down.

"I like you. I think you're really smart, cool, and classy. I've never felt this way before. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to tell you. I love you."

"...how would... I even know that I love him? I've... never..." Lucian's face flushed. He tucked his notepad and pen back into his pocket.

"...hey. Kubo... thank you for... holding the button down for me."

I thought you'd leave.

That would have been nothing new...

Kubo raised his eyebrows. That was... a weird message. But everyone was dispersing, and he didn't want to be the one left behind. Thus he shrugged. "Want to sleep together, Lucian?" he asked, turning to him.

The phrasing was somewhat intentional.

"Yeah well, regardless, we'd better get going. Come on."

Lucian bit his lip. He was jerked out of his thoughts by Kubo's voice.

"Want to sleep together, Lucian?"

Sleep together.

...sleep together.

Lucian's face immediately flooded with redness.

He blinked rapidly. He wasn't even able to respond at first. He accidentally started holding his breath, and then he finally let it out with a gasp.

He looked at Kubo and then quickly glanced away.

"O-Oh! Sure- thing, Kubo... if- you want to- I mean! I would... l-like to sleep with you- but, well- only if you want to, of course!"

Okay, of course Kubo didn't- mean it like that. Lucian knew that. But even the thought of sharing a room with him...

"Yeah well, regardless, we'd better get going. Come on."

"OH! Okay, sure!"

God... could he stop acting so strange?

Lucian pulled out his notepad and looked over it, shaking his head.

He'd never get this poem right...

as making him feel... something.

He wasn't sure if it was affection or anger, but it reminded him of Kaoru.

Something about Lucian seemed to be from a whole other world. Like he was just floating over everyone else. Never getting involved.

A bit like Kubo, but so far away that Kubo couldn't even touch him.

Their hands brushed and Kubo startled, moving away.

Yet he couldn't help but wonder....

Was Lucian offering him a hand out?

Was Lucian saying that he could be deserving of being a person again?

He gestured Lucian forward. "It's safe," he muttered. "Do you want the top bunk?"

Lucian's eyes widened. It could have been his imagination, but he thought he felt Kubo's hand brush against his own...

He tried to focus on the poetry writing. On taking notes, on everyone here...

That had been an accident. Right?...

His heart pounded in his chest. Oh, gosh...

Kubo Atsushi... how will I ever tell you... how could I ever tell you?

How could he ever tell him, how Kubo seemed to make the world turn for him? How every time he looked at him...

No...

It could never come true. He couldn't tell him how he felt.

But... what if he could? He could always try...

He couldn't help but wonder what the detective was thinking. Lucian found himself reaching for Kubo's hand, and then abruptly moving it away.

He opened his mouth to speak to Kubo, and let out a breath that almost formed a word, but nothing came out.

He found his way to the room with him, and Lucian froze up immediately, and hurriedly tucked his notepad into his pocket. He didn't want Kubo to see it...

"It's safe. Do you want the top bunk?"

A sad look came into Lucian's eyes. He... was remembering something, about Kathy...

He pushed the thought away.

"I- appreciate the thought, Kubo, but- I don't really- have a preference. Thank you... what do- you prefer?"

...actually, his preference was to sleep right next to him in the same bunk but of course he'd never say that out loud-

So he might as well make a sacrifice.

"Wanna share?" he asked, turning to Lucian with a raised eyebrow.

Then, he saw Kubo's face, his eyebrow raised, as he asked the question that practically made his heart explode.

"Wanna share?"

His eyes widened. Lucian tried to take his notepad out to-- calm himself down- but- he wound up dropping it on the floor. Upside-down, thankfully.

His face was as red as a boiled lobster.

"U-Um... sure! I'd-... like that. If- that's okay with you."

Shoot. Dammit.

"But- wh-whatever you want, Kubo..."

He shrugged. "I don't mind, really."

Never Kaoru, though. Do you mind that?

And sleep they would, curled up next to one another.

Lucian nodded at him, as an uncontrollable smile crept upon his face. He tried to control the squeal that was slowly making its way outside his throat.

He climbed into the bed next to Kubo, and laid down. He wanted to snuggle right up to him, but figured he better not...

But... still... this was... really nice.

"...good night, Kubo," he whispered.

And quieter, too quiet for Kubo to hear, he whispered...

"𝙸 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞..."

They may have been trapped inside of a place where someone could die at any moment.

But sleeping in the same bed as the man he loved... even if it wasn't like THAT, of course!! was...

It was really nice...

And in those moments... it almost felt like everything was really okay.

"Yeah, Lucian," he agreed softly. "Good night."

"Yeah, Lucian. Good night."

Lucian's heart swelled with joy, his face growing warm, as he closed his eyes. Being here... With Kubo right now...

It made him feel at peace. More so than ever since he'd come here.

Well... For the first time since he'd come here, actually...

Kubo... Felt like home.

He found himself murmuring how much he loved him, scribbling away at his notepad his many thoughts of the day, until, eventually, he fell into a comfortable, warm sleep.

And as he fell into unconsciousness, his body rolled closer to his roommate.

And despite the horrific screams that tormented him in his nightmares... For some reason, unbeknownst to him, he felt a little safer than usual. A little... Happier than usual.

It felt just a little more bearable than usual...

He and Kubo... Had slept in the same room.

In the same bunk bed.

In the same... Bed.

His face immediately reddened, and he tried to stop the smile that almost took over his face. God. What...

What even was it.... With this guy?

What even was it, about Kubo? That made him so unable to control himself?

Calm, collected, able to communicate. That was Lucian. NOT A STAMMERY, FLUSTERED MESS WHO COULDN'T ARTICULATE THREE SENTENCES PROPERLY!!!

But... He couldn't have such silly thoughts.

It was highly unprofessional. He was a therapist. Kubo was his client.

He couldn't possibly hope that Kubo had wanted to sleep in the same bed because he liked him...

It was a violation of the contract. Or maybe--

...

Maybe it was just an excuse.

Maybe... He was afraid of what it would mean.

To have Kubo's arms wrapped around him. To admit that he loved him.

The peculiarity of the thought... Of Kubo loving him too.

Of letting his walls come down, completely.

Of surrendering to his urges, for once in his life. Of letting himself enter something new and so strange...

That could actually make him... Really happy.

But Lucian was in a Killing Game. He could never hope to mean something to Kubo...

...could he?

"...good morning, Kubo," he breathed.

What he wouldn't give to just wake up next to him under less drastic circumstances...

But, god, as much as he hated this uncomfortable, stuffy suit.... He'd never felt more comfortable, next to Kubo. He had never known a more comfortable sleep.

Even... With the dream he had...

"...did- you sleep well?" he queried, feeling compelled to ask.

Then, he flinched slightly. How would Kaoru feel right now? Of course, it was... Probably ridiculous to think there was a chance she was out there. Somewhere. Watching over them...

But he was... In love with a man she seemed to have... A very controversial history with.

And Lucian wasn't sure how he felt about that...

Lucian couldn't help smiling at Kubo even as he was pushed away from him.

"S-SORRY! I... Hadn't meant to sleep so... Close. I think I must have rolled over in my sleep..."

Lucian watched Kubo's finger movements with fascination. It was... Certainly an interesting behavior he had...

"Slept fine, thank you. How about you?"

"I slept..." Lucian paused. Well... It wouldn't hurt to be honest with him about it. Not that he'd care, anyway, right? But there was no need to lie about every little thing...

"...not too great. I mean... Yes, and no, I slept great and... I didn't, I had a nightmare is all..."

He inhaled softly. "...it was-- no big deal. Really."

But it almost felt like you were there too...

Funny, how your thoughts of the person you loved could follow you into your dreams...

Lucian avoided Kubo's gaze, as much as he wanted to look into his eyes. "...we should leave the dorm, shouldn't we?"

He wanted to get out of this awkward situation. Being so near to Kubo led to temptation.

Temptations he didn't want to have.

Temptations he couldn't afford to have.

He could just feel himself being absorbed into this man's depths. He was like an iceberg in the middle of the ocean...

He wanted to touch him. He wanted to know what was beneath the surface. He longed, he ached to know it all...

The good, the bad, the in-between. And somehow he just knew, no matter what it was... He'd forgive him. Maybe it was foolish, maybe it was naïvety. Especially considering the horrific secrets people could hide.

Kubo Atsushi...

He longed to protect him. He longed to know him.

But...

It was out of the question. Because Lucian couldn't give him HIM so to speak. He could never give himself to Kubo. It would be an empty embrace.

Because he could never tell him the truth.

If I told you the truth... You'd be terrified of me.

But I'm not like that... I swear, I'm not...

I... Wanted to tell you that... I'm really glad to have you here. It means a lot to me. And I..."

...

"This... Might sound crazy but... I've... Never killed anyone before, but I... Was in situations where I came close to. But I..."

Tears stirred in Lucian's eyes. He found himself wrapping his arms around Kubo and-- and he didn't even care what he thought of it...

"But I... I don't... Want to ever be like that. Kubo... I'm a healer. I don't hurt people. I don't want to hurt people. And... I'm telling this to you because... I care about you, and- I don't want you to be hurt. I- I understand if you want to leave. Right now... I don't want you or anyone else hurt because of me. I don't want to be a danger to people... I want to help them. So I'm just letting you know, in... Case you... Want to leave now."

Please hate me. Hate me so I can stop loving you.

Please don't hate me. I love you.

"...and... I... Trust you, so I... Had to tell you," he choked out, the tears rolling down his face, down to the floor.

Kubo whipped to stare at him. The words slipped through his fingers- he barely heard half of them, but-

I trust you, Kubo.

And as that fragile boy shook in front of him, looking up with wide, trusting eyes, tears pooling in their depths, he realized something.

"Thanks," he said.

I think I can like him. Or at least try to.

"I... trust you too," he admitted.

His eyes widened. "...y-you're welcome. Always..."

"I... trust you too."

"Kubo, I..."

He didn't want to let go of him. Lucian felt himself trembling.

Why? You... Trust me? Why?

...

I didn't even tell him what I wanted to say.

But...

He had admitted something he'd never told anyone else before to him....

"We should go check the rest of the ship out... Shouldn't we?"

Lucian didn't want to. He just wanted to remain there, with him, but...

There are people out there. Who might need us.

He disentangled one of his arms from around Kubo, reaching his hand out to him.

"...so, would you... Like to come do that with me?"

Maybe one day... He could tell him the rest.

You just had to start trusting, sometime right? Even if it was just one person... you had to, because otherwise, when you died, you'd be alone.

When you bled out into upholstery, grey became scarlet.

He accepted Lucian's hand and pulled him to his feet. "Yeah, c'mon. Let's go."

Lucian's heart fluttered as Kubo took his hand and pulled him up with him.

He... Trusts me too.

He almost wanted to tell him...

He almost longed to say those other three words...

He wanted to throw his arms around him, and tell him he loved him, begging him to feel the sa-

Oh no.

Lucian glanced at Akari. "...we're somewhat wandering around too. Just... Investigating the area together, I- suppose." His face reddened. Okay, there wasn't anything THAT weird about him and Kubo walking about here alone together, right?

He could spot Lucian's nervousness from his voice alone, he didn't even need to look at his reddening face to even tell.

Oh... So. He ignored me. Yeah, that's understandable, Lucian thought.

It was alright. It was okay. He was the ghost.

The foolish little ghost who had fallen in love with a boy so beyond his reach.

Lucian saw Kubo take his gloves off his hands, and couldn't help but find himself watching closely. Maybe he was worried that... Kubo performed self-harm. Or... Something else?

KUBO! Wait!" He ran up to him and tugged on his arm. "Please, don't just go. We need you here. I... Need you here."

Of course, Lucian had... Meant for the investigation. But...

....

No, of course he didn't mean, he- pfft, needed Kubo here like-

...okay, maybe he had.

He looked at him pleadingly. "...I- don't want to do this without you. We need our Ultimate Detective. I'll do it if I must, but I... Would really appreciate having you here."

He blushed, murmuring to himself about how awkward that was.

NO! HE COULDN'T THINK LIKE THAT!

He brought his hand up to his face, and felt at the helmet. "I won't go," he whispered, letting it drop down to his side. "I won't let me go. So... don't cry."

He awkwardly patted Lucian on the shoulder. For a second, he dizzily wondered if Mikio was under that helmet, and for the very first time he wanted to throw his arms around him, or maybe strangle him- he wasn't sure. But it was something.

Lucian felt Kubo patting him on the shoulder, and he smiled sadly at him.

"...thank you, Kubo. You... Mean a lot to me."

Kubo glanced down at Lucian by his side. "Don't worry," he whispered. "We'll be fine. You go look for Mei, okay? We can hold it down here."

Oh- that was- nice. Kubo wondered why he thought Lucian might kiss him- and then shook the thought off.

"H-HEY! Mei? MEI! I SLEPT WITH KUBO LAST NIGHT! W-wake up and make- make fun of me or something! I DON'T CARE!"

"I don't know where the Nurse's Office is. But, Kubo and I..." He paused, cursing the redness that spread across his face.

It's okay. We'll... Figure it out. We have Kubo with us... After all.

Lucian didn't know exactly why... Maybe it was the previous trial, or the fact he was the Ultimate Detective.

Or just... Something about him.

But he trusted that Kubo would be able to help them all through this.

And they'd... All have each other too... Right?

He shivered. That was the worst. Interrogations were the worst.

But he couldn't help but admire those who

went to the effort of doing them...

"...one thing is for sure, I'm definitely going to have to give some people therapy after all this," he murmured regretfully. His face reddened. "...Darcy, why the hell did you have to go and make that like a date?..."

Lucian found himself smiling warmly in Kubo's direction. "Kubo... hey. It's good to have you here. I- missed seeing you."

His face flushed, and then he promptly looked away and shook his head. HE NEEDED TO FOCUS!!

Why was Lucian so adamant on making Kubo trust him? They were in a class trial- did he think Kubo would be more vulnerable? Or was he just... trying to make him feel better?

Kubo shook his head. He had to focus.

"I was... In my bed with... Kubo." Lucian's face reddened, and he wished he could cover it with his scarf. "...you... Can confirm that, right?"

...oh... Dear... God.

HE IMMEDIATELY REGRETTED NOT WORDING THAT DIFFERENTLY.

Kubo couldn't keep a blush off his face. The hell? What was Lucian thinking? Why would he imply that-

Right! Class Trial, right.

Stupid teenage hormones. Why couldn't he be a manipulative asshole in peace? Oh, right- because "karma" and "Kaoru". Honestly, screw this, he didn't have to deal with it. Murder school aside, he hated this place and its teenagers and their stupid innuendos.

"Look at how she died!" he yelled. "LOOK AT HOW SHE DIED!" He clapped his hands over his ear, and slapped the helmet instead. He grimaced and tried to duck under the table instead.

"I was... In my bed with... Kubo."

As terrible was the mood that Mei was in, she still felt the need to comment on how stupid that was.

"Heh... Dirty little sleeper, huh? Both times you screwed someone... heh... We found a body in the mornin'... How funny is that? Did you at least-"

She is injured, Inner Kubo said. She likely has a concussion. She doesn't know what she's saying.

Screw that noise.

"I'M GOING TO KILL HER! SCREW IT ALL, SHE'S DEAD!"

Kubo lunged for her over the table.

Lucian's eyes widened, and his face grew redder. He flailed his arms around. "I-I'M- I'M SORRY!" He sputtered, hurriedly putting his hands over the front of his helmet, covering his face. "I... I didn't mean it like that... I JUST MEANT WE SHARED A ROOM!"

"...I- I didn't sleep with anyone... Can we just discuss the case?"

He gave Kubo an apologetic glance.

Then, his eyes widened, and he ran over to Kubo.

"KUBO!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? CALM DOWN!"

He grabbed him by the shoulders. "PLEASE, CALM DOWN! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!"

Lucian winced. "NO ONE deserves to be attacked," Lucian stated firmly. "K-Kubo... Are you feeling okay? We'll just... Solve this case, right? All of us. It'll be okay. Let's just... Try to make sure that no more people die than... Who has to."

A sad look came upon his face. "Let's... Not hurt anyone else in the process. We're all in this together."

He didn't care that Kubo had pushed or insulted him. "Yeah... I am an idiot," he laughed quietly.

She watched as Lucian and Kubo got flustered, and it was becoming harder and harder to keep her laughter in. God... Those two...

"Aaaaaaanyways... Bet we should listen to these... dirty little wh-"

He reached for Kubo's hands, possibly in the hopes of stopping him from whatever he might do to Mei. He stared at him with pleading eyes.

"Kubo... I... I..." He couldn't keep himself from crying anymore. "I'm so, so sorry... I hadn't meant to imply we did anything of that nature together. After all..." His next words sounded weak and pitiful.

"I'm... Your therapist. And... Your friend. Just... Your friend. You mean a lot to me, and... I care a lot about you. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you. I-It's... Not Mei you should be hitting. It's me. So just... Pound me into the ground if you want. I deserve it. I- I won't... Stop you."

"And can you NOT tease someone about his potential sex life? That's none of our business! If he said he didn't sleep with Kubo, I believe him."

Lucian's face flushed. "D...Darcy-"

He crossed his arms. "And you shouldn't offer to let Kubo make you his personal punching bag! What's that going to solve? Just encouraging the violence? Honestly..."

Lucian still, ironically, felt embarrassed by what Darcy had said. Still... He was grateful to him for it.

He remembered Kubo frantically mentioning the cause of death. Had he... Intended to distract himself from the comment?

He... Doesn't like me, does he? No, of course not. He was just embarrassed.

"Lucian," his voice cracked. "You're... not dead yet."

"Lucian," he said, his voice slightly shaking. "You aren't dead. You can't die- I won't let you."

"Kubo, I-" He couldn't even speak. For a moment there. "...Kubo..."

He laughed quietly, his face rapidly warming. He headed over to Kubo, and took his hands, giving him a smile.

"...I'm... Not worth that... But... I won't let you die, either, okay? I promise. You... Matter a lot to me. I-- I mean, everyone does, of course! But I..."

Oh god.

Oh... God.

To develop a bias for one person. Lucian couldn't let that happen.

"...thank you. U-Um... We should really solve this case. Shouldn't we?"

Ah god.

Emotions, not EMOTIONS!

"You two!" Sawyer beamed. Lucian raised his eyebrows. Darcy groaned. "Oh, please no..."

"Kubo's like, a detective, and you're like his partner who works with him! And you're a therapist, like a doctor! A doctor of the mind! Haha! Oh my gosh, you're just like... SHERLOCK HOLMES AND DOCTOR WATSON!" Sawyer let out a fanatical squeal.

Lucian's eyes widened and his face flushed. Oh. My god. Someone kill me now.

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor John Watson. Their relationship was... Of course, well, friendly in nature. But some speculated possible feelings on either side, especially when Sherlock got jealous of Watson's having a wife and spending less time with him.

...

Except it's like I'm the one doting after him... When he's interested in nothing of the sort.

"U-Um... Yeah. It's like that! T-Two friends working on the investigation! Haha!"

Dear. God.

Lucian was sweating so hard right now. WHY THE HELL DID SAWYER HAVE TO GO AND SAY THAT

I'm NOT his Watson. I'll never be his Watson. Sawyer... Why?

Sherlock? Watson? The hell was Sawyer on? Did they want to screw Lucian and Kubo over, or were they just that oblivious?

He shook his head. "Regardless of the... literary correlations you can see here, our relationship is..." He faltered. "Purely platonic. Like Lucian said."

That hurt. Kaoru probably would've laughed.

"Regardless of the... literary correlations you can see here, our relationship is... Purely platonic. Like Lucian said."

A sad smile came upon Lucian's face. Of course it was. He had known Kubo saw it that way. Never would he feel Kubo's kiss on his lips, nor his arm around him. Nor his hand in his. Nor his "I love yous" and sweet little whispers in his ears..

They would never stare into one another's eyes and...

He inhaled sharply. Kubo was right. Their relationship was nothing but platonic. He...

He could never hope for more.

Lucian pulled out his notepad, and nearly crumpled up the start of the poem he'd written. God. He couldn't think about love. He couldn't BE in love. It was so unprofessional...

And at a time like this...

Why... Why did he have to go and fall for Kubo Atsushi? Who could never think of him more than a friend, an ally, his therapist?

Why?...

Lucian and Kubo... Mei and Idris... Possibly even Darcy too...

He saw it, as much as he didn't want to. It was none of his business anyways, he shouldn't be thinking about it. None of it should've mattered to him. It's just... In a killing game? Where everything will just end in heartbreak? Pain? Suffering?

Of course, she didn't mean any of that, Kubo was too busy sleeping with Lucian to kill anyone anyways.

"He– he didn't do this. He wouldn't… do a… thing like that. He wouldn't…"

Lucian's cracking voice trailed off. Did… he know Kubo wouldn't do a thing like that? Or was he… merely blinded by love for him…?

Lucian's face reddened. Had he... Thought of Kubo as some sort of savior or something? When really... He was human, like everyone else here. He was... He was just... Human...

...

Maybe... Not even human. Is he like me?

Maybe, if he was-

Lucian narrowed his eyes, his glare seething at Mei. "I... I..." He inhaled sharply and gripped at the table, trying so hard to keep from lunging at her. "WE'RE ALL TRYING OUR BEST! And he is NOT an annoying ass b\*\*ch or whatever foul words you insist on calling him! He's... He's... Wonderful, really. And he's really smart. He's... Not annoying at all." There was a sort of wistful peace that his voice suddenly drifted into. "...he's like the snow. Beautiful, but cold. With so much more beyond the surface..."

He blinked out of his thoughts. OH. RIGHT. KUBO WAS RIGHT IN HERE! His face reddened further. "s-sorry! I just... He's... Not that. Is all. And... I'm trying. We're all trying. I'm sorry."

Mei rolled her eyes but laughed as she did so, the absurdity of what Lucian just uttered, the nervousness and awkwardness of it all, it was amusing.

"An excellent line of thought, Lucian," Kubo said calmly. "If I'm right, one of the best, indeed."

Lucian wanted to cover his smile with his hair at Kubo's compliment, calling what he had to say excellent. It was making him feel a certain way and he DID NOT WANT TO FEEL SAID WAY.

He wanted to think Setsuna was wrong. That Kubo would never do such a thing.

He slowly walked over to Setsuna, and then suddenly threw his arms around him with tears in his eyes.

"...it's not your fault, Setsuna. It's mine! I'm so sorry. If… if you had told me, maybe I could have jumped off the bridge… it could have been me, you all could have gotten away from here…"

His eyes fluttered closed, his knees shaking. "...then everything could have been alright. You… didn't have to do this. It should have been me. I'm so sorry, that I couldn't protect you."

Lucian was talking to Setsuna. That was fine. Setsuna didn't have a weapon or anything- it was all fine.

So why do I want to stab that murderous bastard?

Setsuna threw his arms around Lucian at that moment.

Kubo went rigid. White-hot fury clouded his vision- his hand twitched futilely for the gun he no longer carried on his hip.

Lucian found himself gazing over at Kubo, and then his eyes flickering away. "...to be honest, I… thought so too. He has been good so far at guiding us to the truth."

And I have a sort of unnatural faith in you… and in all of us. Why…? Why have I been so…

…

Have I been blind? Or…

They held each other in high regard, with deep love and incredible care.

He couldn't help but wonder what they had said and exchanged.

…and he couldn't help but wonder, if… that had been him and…

Lucian blushed. Oh, god, he didn't want to right now. And the very thought… was unthinkable. And it petrified him to his very core.

He would not want to be either of them. Not the one holding the bloody knife, nor the one having to live with the death of the one closest to them.

And he knew, in his heart, that it was an impossibility to hope that he would ever, ever be that close to Kubo Atsushi.

"Kubo? I might hate your guts, but everyone else here seems... Fine with you. Don't let em down, alright?"

…

Well… that seemed more in line with the Mei Lucian knew.

Right. Seems… "fine" with him. Lucian's heart fluttered, and he couldn't help but laugh quietly. …god… feelings were so weird…

Maybe you should stop clinging to him like the hopeless little child you are... Always relying on him, making him do everything... Geez...

"...and… maybe… I'll even tell him how I feel."

...Funny thing, it was. "Feeling" and all that, y'know. Mei could only grin upon hearing the last part, nothing else.

Lucian felt a pang in his heart, looking at Shi and Miyako, promising to protect one another. Would… they be able to do it?

Two, he…

Lucian found himself glancing at Kubo, before his eyes flitted away, his heart thumping.

Could that be… them, if he just told him how he felt?

If he just threw his arms around Kubo, and gave in, if he just told him how he felt…

No, there was… no way Kubo felt the same.

Was there?

Sure, he was… flustered earlier when Lucian accidentally… implied they were doing something like that together, but…

"Regardless of the... literary correlations you can see here, our relationship is... Purely platonic. Like Lucian said."

Lucian swore he felt his heart stop, as he recalled those words. Of course… why…

Why could he hope for any different?

But…

Was there a chance, even a sliver of a chance, that Kubo hesitated there a moment, because he…

Slowly, he reached inside his suit pocket for the-

Lucian took his hand out and shook his head.

He… he could think about that later.

He grimaced. Something made him so uncomfortable, about Mei making fun of Kubo.

…but… she made fun of everybody.

Did Lucian feel like… he had some kind of right to Kubo?

"...it's okay, Kubo, I don't think it was that easy to see. It was a tough case… right?" He looked over at him. "...and… you got really close. And I'm proud of you for that."

He felt awkward as he said the words, and he couldn't help but smile as he did so. But his smile faded at the sound of Setsuna's voice, pulling him back to reality.

Or rather, back down to Earth, but not literally, they're in sussy Among Us space guys

Did... Lucian really need to know the answer?

He and Kubo really did have one thing in common, though, didn't they...

They wanted to know the truth, without having to share their own.

Lucian reached into his pocket and stared at the slightly crumpled most recent note upon his notepad.

My truth...

…

No, he couldn't write it. He just couldn't write it.

…

What were those last three words doing there anyway?

"I love you."

I mean… what the hell was he going to do? Drop a bomb on Kubo about himself and then say "I love you, please go out with me?"

…

Well, okay, maybe he'd have to, but… he wanted it to be something… breathtaking. Heartfelt. Romantic. Emotional.

Kubo was too cool for something like this…

But none of the poems he'd tried writing so far seemed to encapsulate his feelings.

I'll tell Kubo the truth. …somehow. Someday. And maybe… I'll tell him that I love him.

Lucian let out a dulled squeak as Kubo dragged him by the arm into the Execution Room. But it was so soft, and so small. So... Pathetic. He almost didn't care it was Kubo that was touching him.

There was almost a certain comfort in Kubo holding him by the arm.

...

He let his head fall onto Kubo's shoulder.

...

He didn't even care how stupid and inappropriate and informal that gesture was.

"NO!" Lucian shouted, before clapping his hands over his mouth. "...I... I... I.. mean..."

The guy was not taking it well right now.

He planted his hands on either side of Lucian's face. "I hate you," he breathed. "I hate you so much, every time I look at you, my chest hurts. If it didn't mean my death, I'd push you right off the bridge after Futatabi."

"...no... That's not it, I..."

I love you.

Kubo's hands making his way to either side of his face.

...he would have been so happy at that gesture, if it weren't for what Kubo was saying.

Lucian, with tears rolling down his face, choked out, "...then I'll do it for you. You'd like that, wouldn't you? To see my dead body?... Would that make you happy, Kubo? I'll jump right off, for you, right now. If you want that so badly. Because the really f\*\*ked up thing is..."

He inhaled sharply.

"...I'd do it for you. I'd do it for you in an instant."

...

"...because you mean that much to me. S-So... Is that what you want?" he asked, his voice cracking through the tears. "You can see me, soundless, not another noise to be heard. You can see my bloody, battered, body. The life fading out of it. With a smile on your face. I'd bleed out if that was what it f\*\*king took to make you happy. ...so... Do you really want that?"

"Lucian, man, c'mon. This dumbass isn't worth it. Listen to me. I'll forgive you for pushing me if you ditch this loser and come and drink booze or something with me. Or water, if that's what you prefer. This idiot has been lying to you this whole time, and I dunno why you didn't see it earlier.

Were you blinded by love, Lucian?

To be honest, I was too.

And it hurts, Lucian. It really does.

And I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

'Cept Kubo....maybe.

So please.

Come with me and we'll mourn everyone peacefully. No words exchanged.

Kubo.

Isn't.

Worth.

Your.

Time."

Kubo's heart stuttered. "N-No. Wait. I-" He searched for the words, but he couldn't find them. He didn't even know what he was saying. Why Lucian was looking at him like that.

How come something meant to free him had meant...

"No Kubo," Miyako said quietly. 'We shouldn't. For once, I agree with Idris. You don't deserve Lucian, if you can say that to him. If you can let him die for you and still be as self absorbed as you are, refusing to apologize-"

Lucian, someone so dead set on making sure everyone stayed alive, got roped in with an asshole like Kubo. What a f\*\*kin shame.

And the man he loved, saying such atrocious things to him...

He hates me. He wants me dead.

"...Kubo's right. I'm a coward. I deserve to die."

..K-Kubo... You... Didn't mean it, right?" he choked out. "...you wouldn't say that. Not that long ago, you said that... Y-you... Said you'd..."

...

"...you said you'd do... wh-whatever... It took... To protect me. You don't... You don't hate me, do you? You don't... Want me dead... Do you?"

Forget about Kubo, he's not worth it.

"...N-No. No... He is worth it. Everyone... Is worth it."

Lucian inhaled sharply, and pulled out his notepad. He stared at it, grimacing.

I guess... I'll never tell him. I guess I'll never tell anyone.

How could he tell Kubo he loved him...

When Kubo...

Hated him?

And how could he tell him the truth?

He'll just hate me more than he already does. I bet if I told him, he'd walk me right in here and push me off right now.

Ignore Kubo.

"...I can't ignore him… Idris, I love him…"

Kubo, being the bastard he was just... Snapped at Lucian, said god awful things, some of the worst things you could hear from someone who meant the world to you.

I'm sorry, Kubo. I know I promised that I'd protect you no matter what, but I...

...

I don't know how to face you right now, with those things you said fresh on my mind.

...

You didn't mean it, right?...

...

You didn't mean it when you called me the Grim Reaper. When you... Called me a killer. When you... Called me nothing. So... You didn't mean it when you said you hated me, right? You don't... Actually want me to die, right?

"...he's such a pretty liar."

He wasn't sure what provoked that sentence out, but as he picked up the crumpled piece of paper where he wrote "I love you"...

"He shouldn't have said that to you. You don't deserve to hear that crap, Lucian.You're so much more than that guy's toy."

"...I- I-- what? It's... Okay, really. My dad said that kind of stuff sometimes. I- I know he... He didn't mean it. He- he didn't mean it, right?"

My father didn't mean it.

Kubo didn't mean it either, right?

"And- Kubo needs you, more than us. I don't like you livin for him- he's a bastard, and he sure doesn't deserve you. But if it helps... I dunno."

"...does he really? He... He freaking.. he told me he hated me and wanted me dead..."

...

"...doesn't deserve me? Yeah- y-you're right. He deserves better company."

"Maybe he can make you forget your ghosts for a little while. He's no replacement for family- but you can still keep him, you know? Guilt free. He's your Shi. You don't owe Kaoru zilch- me neither, not him- just enjoy whoever makes you happy- or whatever."

"...yeah, maybe, I--"

. . .

Lucian's face went red. "K-Keep him?! My- Shi? It's... It's not like THAT! R-Really! And... It'd never... Be like that."

"It's not..."

He pulled out the sheet of paper and stared at it, trying not to cry again.

"...like that."

...

"Oh? Now we're getting into the juicy bits. Trying to distract me from your love affair with a little flirting, I see."

Lucian turned to stare at her with a bewildered expression. (I wish he was drinking fruit punch right now because it would be hilarious if he was choking on it) "LOVE AFFAIR?! Nononono-"

His face grew even redder. "It's not like that! I'm his... His therapist, and he's my client. That's all. Sure, I care about him, a lot, and... He's important to me, but..."

God, what's the use in denying it?

God, what's the use in denying it?

...

Maybe it was just instinct. After all, his whole life, he'd... Had to hide things.

He knew if... He and Kubo somehow...

Became romantically involved, he'd have to keep it a secret.

That's how his whole life was.

"...I don't know if I've ever learned to solve my own problems... To be frank. I mean, look at me, one of the things I do when I have intense feelings I'm not used to around some guy... try to jump off a ledge, in a way that won't solve anything," he murmured, mostly to himself.

"...is... It even right that I feel the way I do about him? I'm... Supposed to just help other people, that's supposed to be all that matters...

So... Setsuna has... Something of a love life here, huh?

He smiled slightly, almost feeling a slight tinge of jealousy.

...

Kubo.

Why did everything always seem to go back to him?

He needs you, more than any of us.

...

I mean...

Maybe he should go check if Kubo was okay. Right?

Upon hearing Kubo's voice again, hearing him giving his permission to come in, Lucian's heart skipped a beat. He wasn't so sure if it was more out of excitement, at hearing Kubo's voice, or… out of fear but…

"K-KUBO! What happened to your face? Are- are you okay? Oh my gosh, I should get you some first aid! Does it hurt?"

What was with that bruise? Was he okay?

Had he been hurting himself?

All potential bitterness about what he had said was swept under the rug. Buried. His only worry was Kubo's injury.

He couldn't help it. He threw his arms around him, tears forming in his eyes.

...he just wanted to cry with him.

"...Kubo... What's wrong?" he asked, choking the words out.

I know you're not fine...

Yes... That... That had to be it.

...

That's why he'd said that, right?

...

He was losing it.

Lucian wanted to beat himself for even thinking about that.

...

It didn't matter if Kubo hated him. If Kubo hated him, well, Lucian knew he deserved it...

He just wanted him to be okay...

"...I- I'll help you, okay? We can figure this out together..."

Lucian's eyes widened. He desperately tried to hold Kubo up, but given their difference in size, he was struggling.

"No! Kubo! Be careful, don't fall!"

Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.

"I-- I'll go get help, okay? Just stay here, take it easy..."

Tears stirred in his eyes.

He didn't care what Kubo had said to him anymore.

The question was... Who could he ask for help?

Was... Was Kubo sick? Badly injured somehow? Was he fainting from shock?

"I-It's okay, you'll be okay..."

Please be okay.

...

I don't want to lose you.

...

I love you.

Someone was holding him. Arms so warm and soft- embracing him.

His brow furrowed. "An angel... are you an angel?"

"An angel... are you an angel?"

Lucian's heart pounded out of his chest. Ba-bump... Ba-bump...

He could almost feel reality slipping away as the color flooded into his cheeks.

The first thought he had had... Was relief. Kubo wasn't falling unconscious. He...

He just seemed a little out of it.

What do I even say to that?...

...

He thinks I'm an angel...

"I-- In a way, yes..."

He liked it, he admitted. He liked hearing Kubo call him an angel. Sincerely believe he was an angel...

"...I'm here to help you."

Lucian swallowed. There was... No way he could tell him he loved him.

Was there?

"...do you... Remember me? It's... Me, Lucian."

...

Was there any point in dreaming?

...

No, he had to help Kubo. And everyone else.

But... I told Mei...

Lucian flinched, his eyes widening. "K-KILL YOU?!" He stared at Kubo in shock.

"I-I WOULD NEVER, KUBO! I LO-"

He froze up for a moment. "I... Care a lot about you. And I'm not mad. Really. I forgive you." There was a certain hurt in his eyes as he looked at him. Lucian felt as though someone had just snapped his heart in half.

He gave Kubo a warm smile. "I'll... Always forgive you. No matter what. Kubo, I... I'm here to help, if- you need me to go... I will."

He hadn't even realized how much he was shaking, or the tears that dripped down his face.

"I just want to help..."

He looks so scared... Kubo, I'm so sorry. This is my fault.

He let out a choking sob.

"K-KUBO, I-- I'm so sorry I pushed you! I didn't mean to, I..."

...

"...you should have pushed me off that ledge. Or I should have jumped. I deserved it."

I don't deserve you. If I made you hate me, if I made you want to kill me, if... If you're terrifed that I'm going to take your life...

"I-- I'd never kill you, Kubo," he choked out hoarsely. "...never ever."

I love you, even if you utterly despise me.

He breathed deeply.

And as your therapist, and your boyfriend... I'm going to try to help you.

Lucian's eyes widened. "...you... Think you hit your head?" he asked softly. It would explain his sudden paranoid behavior...

Lucian slowly, carefully approached Kubo and felt at his head to see if there was any injury. His face reddened, but, NO- he- he had to try not to think-

Wow, his hair is... Awfully greasy.

He tried not to think about it. About feeling through Kubo's hair to check if he hit his head anywhere. It...

It wasn't a big deal, right?

I mean, he touches me all the--

...what had been the deal with that?

Kubo, throwing his arms around him. Kubo, returning his embrace. Kubo, hooking Lucian by the arm. Their hands almost touching...

But not quite...

It was... It was all coincidence. Kubo must have not even realized he was doing it.

AND HE COULDN'T THINK ABOUT THAT HE NEEDED TO FOCUS-

Kubo seemingly... Pawing at him with his hands.

"Only a dog for you..."

Lucian's eyes widened. No! What did Kubo mean by that?

"K-Kubo! Of course you're not only my..." His face reddened at the implications. "...dog. You're my..."

He struggled to find the words. What... Even were they? The two of them?

Messes. Absolute mental messes that attempted conversation. He swallowed, pausing. Pondering over it for a moment.

"You're my friend, Kubo. And... My client."

Not my lover, though. Never my lover.

His heart stirred in his chest. The rise and fall of each breath seemed to change.

And Lucian had only one thought on his mind. He wanted to reassure Kubo, that...

That he mattered to him.

"You'll never be just my dog. You're Kubo... And I lo- like you a lot. You mean a lot to me."

He smoothed Kubo's hair away from his forehead, and kissed him gently there.

...wait.

F\*\*K.

HE'D BEEN UNABLE TO CONTROL THAT UR-

Lucian's eyes widened. "I-- I hope you didn't mind! I- I just... I-"

Oh my god. I am... Clearly going insane.

He inhaled sharply, his face steaming. "I just- you know, y-you're.... My friend and my client and I-"

Oh god.

Oh god.

Oh my god.

It all blurred together.

The words the words the words

The breathing

His lips unable to control meeting Kubo's skin

F\*\*k

F\*\*k

GOD

GODDAMMIT

GOD F\*\*KING DAMMIT

PLATONIC. IT WAS A PLATONIC GESTURE.

SAY THAT, YOU IDIOT! SAY IT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

"S-Sorry... That was... A si-silly thing to do..."

Lucian felt queasy.

He wanted to run out of the room, but he couldn't just LEAVE Kubo there!

Just-

Ugh-

AUGH.

Kissed... me?

That was it. That wasn't Kaoru. That was Lucian.

Lucian...

Kubo took Lucian's face in his hands, brought him close, and then met his lips with his own.

"Of course not... You'd never be just my dog..."

Ah god please please tell me he wasn't paying attention please forget about it ignore it don't

Wait why was

WHY WAS KUBO PULLING HIM CLOSER AND PUTTING HIS HANDS UPON HIS F-

--face.

Lucian completely blanked out of reality.

When he came back, his eyes widened and his face turned a redder shade than ever before.

OH GOD WHAT WHAT IS HE-

Lucian freaked out. He- he wanted to- no, needed to pull away but-

IT'S THE CONCUSSION! CLEARLY THE CONCUSSION.

Maybe Kubo had gone crazy. Maybe he had gone crazy?!

Because this couldn't be reality, he couldn't have--

Kubo couldn't be--

Kissing him on the

...

Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god

So this was

This was what it felt like?!

No he hadn't

He hadn't WANTED this, of course he hadn't-

No that didn't matter

Does he... Love me too?

Impossible. He was... Really out of it, right? This was an accident-

Because he couldn't dare believe that...

He felt his knees go weak. His limbs go limp.

He wasn't even sure what to do because oh god what was he supposed to do?! Was he doing this wrong? It was an accident he shouldn't feed into said accident-

...

Oh my gosh his lips feel so... Strangely cold?

Like...

Snow.

His heart fluttered. He couldn't even be bothered to ask questions, he-

He-

Please, do that again. And again.

...

I-- adore this... And I adore you...

...

What a strange thought...

Please don't ever let go of me...

His heart p o u n d e d. This was... Too good to be true, wasn't it? It had to be a dream...

It was the first gesture Kubo had showed that felt like it could be loving... Gentle... Romantic... Soft...

And he was shivering at the thought of it.

That's a lie, right? I couldn't be right...

...

There's always just been something about you... Something I can't figure out.

I want this to mean that you love me and... You want what I do but I--

...

I can't want that, can I?

For you to love me too.

For you to need me just like I need you...

Lucian practically melted into the kiss, his head spinning.

Goodness... What'll I even say to him after this?

...

He's drunk. He's on drugs. He has a concussion. He's suffering from major blood loss. Right?? Right? Maybe... Kisses on the lips aren't considered a romantic thing where he's from?

Lucian twitched, his body heating up further.

Or.... Am I dreaming? Have I gone insane? How will I talk to him after this?

Ba-bump. Ba-bump.

Oh, Kubo... I love you.

Maybe.... He did this to make the forehead kiss less awkward?? Or more awkward?

He couldn't possibly hold any romantic regard for him, could he?

He had to pull away... He needed to, but he-

He didn't want to.

He ached to feel Kubo's kiss on his lips and his arms around him...

Spinning, spinning endlessly.

This wasn't right, this couldn't be right.

I... Don't deserve to be happy, do I?

Lucian's lips were so warm and soft. Like his pretty eyes- cotton candy and caramel, a fair's confections of sugary delights and madness, spun into a beautiful eternal centre.

He felt at Lucian's hair- that was soft too. Slowly, he brought Lucian's arms around himself and hugged him closer- never close enough.

Wh-What-

KUBO WAS

KUBO WAS FEELING AT HIS HAIR

ABORT THE MISSION. ABORT!!!

TOUCHING HIS WJSNKSBSJS HIS

HIS

WIHSISJ

WHAT THE

THE WHAT

THE WHAT

HIS ARMS

Lucian felt himself shivering. Oh gosh... Oh goodness...

Kubo's slightly cool touch. It was like the wind at night, it was like the slightest of snow. He felt like he'd be swept away by it.

Buried, by that mysterious coldness. In a winter wonderland, as the shivery, peaceful numbness slowly took over...

And all you could feel was content.

He felt Kubo finally pushing him away, but his heart wouldn't stop pounding.

His fingers flew to his lips, his face bright red.

"I- Oh. Wow. Snow!"

He felt so dizzy, so breathless. Kubo had taken his breath and snatched it away. Lucian blinked very slowly. He could barely process what had happened.

What- what was...

He supposed to say?!

He wanted to ask if it meant what he thought it did. That Kubo might feel the same way he did, or... If he was maybe drunk or something?

But as Lucian opened and closed his mouth, hardly daring to believe what had happened, he was at a complete loss for any more words.

I wonder how mad my parents would be...

...

If they knew I was in love with you.

Not only that he was a man that Lucian loved. That Lucian ached to kiss, blasphemy on its own, but...

...

What would they say of his profession?

...but if he confessed his feelings, if he let this become true. If he let himself fall into Kubo's arms, if he told him the truth...

There would always be the other truth. The one that scared him half to death.

All the people that you'd miss. And oh, how Lucian wanted to protect Kubo. He didn't want to tell him the truth. Because then he might leave or hate him or be scared of him or--

And if he didn't. What then? Suppose they got out of this place together?

A future... With him? What if he wound up dead?

He wished he was a boy who had grown up in a normal place with a normal life and that his family had been alive and well, and that he wouldn't get judged for having feelings or being in love with...

Being in love with Kubo. Who reminded him of his past in the worst ways, and dragged him away from it in the best. A source of curiosity for sure.

A mystery he wanted to solve, perhaps. A fascination.

Funny, that. Detectives and therapists both solved mysteries. Especially about people.

It all always came back to the people.

So really, he and Kubo weren't all that different.

If he wasn't terrified beyond all belief, he would leap right into Kubo's arms. He would admit he was in love with him, and they'd figure something out.

Even so, was... He still going to tell him?

Did he still want to tell him, regardless of the risk?

He knew he should stay away. Every law of logic screamed at him to stay away.

But that feeling, of Kubo's lips on his...

His arms wrapped tightly around him...

Those eyes, and that voice... And oh, that hair...

And Kubo, Kubo, Kubo. Everything that was Kubo.

It stirred in him a fascination, a love beyond words that would not go away.

His heart pounded out of his chest. He found himself surprised that it was still beating.

So much bittersweetness there was. Did Kubo love him? Did he hate him? Perhaps both?...

Did it even really matter?

NO, MAYBE HE DID HAVE A CONCUSSION! And... He just kissed me because he wasn't aware of what he was doing.

Wait, Kubo... He was on the floor right now.

"I-- Kubo, oh my goodness. I'm sorry... I-"

...why on earth was he so pretty? Why did he desperately want him to kiss him again? Lucian shook his head, as if to shake away the thought, but not shaking away the blush upon his face.

He knew that, unfortunately, there was only one person he could ask for help right now.

"I-- I'll go... Get help, okay? I'll be right back. I promise."

His cheek brushed Kubo's without thinking about it, very nearly kissing his cheek but no, not quite, because he could not let something like THAT happen again.

Even though... He desperately wanted to kiss him. Again.

"I think... I think Kubo's hurt. I don't know what to do. I think he... Might have a concussion. I- I'm really worried about him! And I was... Going to get help for him immediately but then..."

He cursed the pause in his speech silently. "...something happened."

"...do... Do you think you could help get him to the Nurse's Office? Please? I'm sorry, I know... You told me not to talk to him, but I had to check how he was doing and..."

He was at a loss for words. What more could he say?

Please, Akari. Help me to help him.

...and Lucian knew in his heart that he would never, ever forget that kiss. ...ever.

Of course you did, Lucian...

He shivered. Well, and of course Lucian was in love with him, but he wasn't going to mention that part. How selfish would that be? Oh, Akari, we have to help him because I have feelings for him, not because he's a human being like us and doesn't deserve to just be left to suffer--

"...I-- understand if you don't want to help, but... I could- show you to the room if... You're okay with it."

He tugged at his scarf. "I would... Do it alone but... He's too heavy for me to carry." His face flushed as he said that, and he immediately pulled his scarf up.

Your goddamn body. It was always in conflict with your mind.

Will I wind up like that too?...

Except...

Except no Idris.

Because, psh... No. Kubo wouldn't care. Of course... Kubo wouldn't...

What was his deal?

Grim Reaper. Angel. Anger. Holding. Hurtful words. Apologies. Trusts me, wants to protect me. Hates me, wants to kill me.

And then...

Kubo's lips on his, arms pulling him closer and feeling through his hair... While probably having a concussion. Asking if he was an angel. Again, repeat, having a concussion.

It...

It couldn't mean anything, right?

There was this slight tingling of hope that maybe... Maybe subconsciously, or unconsciously, at the very least, that there was something there. That maybe Kubo was afraid of rejection or didn't understand his feelings or thought everything might go wrong and maybe just maybe

...

Maybe he loved Lucian, too.

But Lucian couldn't bear the thought either way. Because...

If he didn't love him, it would hurt.

If he did... It would be a whole new problem.

How would he ever confess to Kubo the truth?

And could he really just let himself fall in love in a Killing Game?

If he didn't love him... That'd be best. Because then there was no chance of anyone getting hurt.

And because you're a coward.

He glanced in worry at the bruise upon Kubo's face, and momentarily wondered if through the power of gay panic, he had somehow not felt the bump on Kubo's head. But that begged the question... How did he bump it?

Lucian shook his head and tried to hide his amused smile.

"...it's almost like he's a fiesty puppy." He stifled a laugh. "...I suppose... I should wake him, right?"

....A feisty puppy, huh? More like a vicious hound... He found it odd how Lucian could be so fond of this guy, but... It wasn't his place to say anything, right?

He hesitated, slowly, soundlessly walked over, and carefully felt at Kubo's hair, gently nudging his side. He was so... Strangely beautiful. Oh dammit no he couldn't think that right now

He momentarily wondered what he looked like with his hair ties off. His silky blue hair and his pale skin and his closed eyes and frozen expression he---

He looked so... Peaceful. It was strange.

"Kubo? Hey. It's... Me. Lucian. Please wake up."

Was it an obligation because he was a therapist, or... Did he just want that time with-

"No! Love, you're not going t-"

What the hell did he just say--

Lucian facepalmed, his face reddening, and he didn't know if it was more so saying that to Kubo, or his frustration at the stupid drunkenness of crushing on somebody. Oh dear god. Thank goodness Kubo had a plot-convenient concussion.

...Oh Lucian, you poor soul.

Akari's neck slowly turned to face Lucian, his expression slightly hardening.

You can really say that after all the s\*\*t he said to you? After everything he's done?

Lucian's face steamed uncomfortably. Why did he have to have such...

ANNOYING

GODDAMN

FEELINGS?

Why couldn't he just be fine and great and calm and not

...not in love with someone who would never love him back that he couldn't even act normally around.

## Gallery

Lucian and Kubo rn in canon, basically.KuboCian Cheek Kiss (And Kaoru wanting to kill somebody)"Damn, he's kinda insane. That's hot."Pride Icons Art, But Lucian Is Wearing Glasses Because I Wanted To Draw ThatWhen the emo detective has his hair downKubo and Lucian holding hands.Kubo giving Lucian a "short" list of requirements for if he wants to date him. How thoughtful!Well, jeez, Lucian, you might have to accept you're gonna know the taste of Kubo's lips soon! :) - This caption was written by Mei AkamatsuWhen the voodoo dolls actually work. Lmao, captured in 4K!Wheeze. Yep, that's it.I need to stop doing crossovers.Kubo, read the damn shirt again.Like I said, I NEED TO STOP DOING CROSSOVERS.Kubo and Lucian in the group portrait!I only speak facts.When you accidentally kiss your crush with a concussion on the forehead in a moment of omni panic. Happens every time, I swear, smh.They probably introduced each other to each other's music taste, ngl.Yep, that's... that's how the Normal High School AU would go. Pretty much....honestly, that's probably how it's gonna go down. That is, if Lucian could even say it verbally on purpose rather than by accident.