Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2010

## Introduction

*Todd plays Taio Cruz's "Dynamite" on his piano.*

**TOP TEN BEST SONGS OF 2010**

**A year-end review**

**Todd**: Hi, everybody. Um...2010 was a very interesting year for me, and by far the most interesting thing that happened was that I was invited to join a little website called thatguywiththeglasses.com. Now when this happened, I was thrilled and I was honored, but as I slowly got used to my new place of employment, I began to notice that my new compatriots and colleagues were reviewers of *[images of...issue of* The Amazing Spider-Man*]* comic books, *[Ikki Tousen]* anime, *[Air Gear]* manga, *[Sonic Unleashed]* video games, *[double-bill:* Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster *and* Curse of the Voodoo*]* cheesy B-movies, *[Doug]* cartoons, *[Masked Rider V3 and Riderman]* toys, *[Doctor Who]* sci-fi television, *[search of Bible-themed fan fics]* and Internet fan-fiction. And that's when I realized...YOU ALL ARE A BUNCH OF NERDS! *[pic from* Revenge of the Nerds*]* NERDS! *[nerd party]* NERDS! *[Nerd Day at work]* NERDS!!!

Worse than that discovery was the realization that, come year's end, I was gonna have to expose myself as the lamest person on this site. Because, you see, I would not be able to make fun of pop music like I do if I didn't enjoy it at least a little. And I feel obligated every year to do a list of the pop songs that I actually really liked. I will say this though.

*Clip of Justin Bieber Ft Ludacris - "Baby"*
**Todd (VO)**: 2010 was the year we made contact with not a lot of good pop songs.

**Justin**: You know you love me...
**Todd (VO)**: Now, I mean, there were plenty of tolerable ones, *[Clip of La Roux - "Bulletproof"]* but stuff I actually liked? Last year I had to whittle down my Top Ten from a much longer list; this year I kinda struggled a bit to get to a full ten.

**Todd**: Now I could've filled this list out with stuff that was *not* overplayed pop hits, and if I were to do that, any one of these songs...

*List is displayed: Cee-Lo Green, "Fuck You"; Ben Folds & Nick Hornby, "From Above"; Lissie, "In Sleep"; The Roots, "How I Got Over"; Alberta Cross, "Old Man Chicago"; Lady Gaga, "Monster"; Rihanna, "Fire Bomb"; Against Me!, "I Was a Teenage Anarchist"; Kings of Leon, "Radioactive"; Metric, "Gold Guns Girls"; Big Boi ft. Cutty, "Shutterbugg"; Mumford and Sons, "Little Lion Man"*

...could've made it on here, but quite frankly, I prefer to do it this way. This is my penance for being such a negative nitpicking jerk the rest of the year, and trust me, at points it's going to be humiliating. So get ready, everybody, for the Todd In The Shadows Hypocrisy Hour, because I'm counting down...

*Video clip of DJ Earworm - "United States of Pop 2010," which serves as the interlude through the countdown*
**Todd (VO)**: **The Top 10 Best Hit Songs of 2010**.

## #10

**Todd (VO)**: #10

*Clip of Weezer - "Beverly Hills"*
**Rivers Cuomo**: Where I come from isn't all that great...
**Todd (VO)**: Rivers Cuomo has spent the majority of the decade growing steadily more insane. *[Clip of "Troublemaker"]* I just don't know what the hell he's doing most of the time. His refusal to write about anything except things no one can relate to has made his lyrics seem either half-assed or utterly bizarre.

**Weezer**: I'm a troublemaker, never been a faker.
**Todd**: One thing's for sure though. He can still write a hell of a catchy chorus. Perhaps he should stick to doing that.

*Video for...wait for it...*
**B.o.B**: Hi, my name is Bob. and I approve this message.
**Todd**: Hi, my name is Todd and I approve this song.

***#10. B.o.B ft. Rivers Cuomo - "Magic"***

**Rivers**: I've got the magic in me
**B.o.B**: I've got the magic baby
**Rivers**: Every time I touch that track, it turns into gold
**B.o.B**: Yes, it turns to gold
**Todd (VO)**: Newcomer rapper B.o.B mixed it up with rock stars twice this year. But while "Airplanes" wore itself out on me pretty quickly, "Magic" was a delight each and every time I heard it.

**B.o.B**: Now take your journey into my mind
You'll see why it's venom I rhyme
**Todd (VO)**: B.o.B does a great Andre 3000 impression, and he and Rivers make perfect sense together. They both pull off the awesome music superstar thing even though they're both kinda dorks.

**Todd**: It's such a goofy song, but it's corny in all the right ways. Let's see how many magician jokes he can pull out of his ass.

**B.o.B**: Pick a verse, any verse, I'll hypnotize you in every line
Even David Blaine had to go and take some classes in it
I'll need a volunteer
I see Mindfreak, hey what's up man, what's happenin'? So come one, come all
**Todd**: Delightful. So remember, all you nerds out there alienated by the surface gloss of pop music. Believe it or not, even here there's a place for you too. It's like magic!

**B.o.B and Rivers**: I got the magic in me.
*Interlude*

#9
--

**Todd (VO)**: #9.

*Clip of Rihanna ft. Drake "What's My Name?"*
**Drake**: I heard you good with them soft lips
Yeah, you know word of mouth
The square root of 69 is 8 some, right
'cause I've been tryin' to work it out, oooow...
**Todd (VO)**: I don't feel like Drake is living up to his potential.

*Clip of "Miss Me" ft. Lil Wayne*
**Drake**: Drizzy back up in this thing...
**Todd (VO)**: Like his main influence Lil Wayne, he has a bad habit of not having his lyrics connect to each other, and like his other main influence Kanye West, he's got a tendency to slip into corniness. Also his deal has always been that he's a rapper who's also a decent singer, but he often doesn't use that to very good effect. For example, let me try to do my impression of his breakthrough hit "Best I Ever Had."

**Todd**: *[playing]* Cause she hold me down every time I hit her up

When I get right I promise that we gone live it up

She make me beg for it, til she give it up

And I say the same thing every single time I say... *[drops in pitch]* you the, you the best

you the, you the best

you the, you the best

**Drake**: ...you the, you the best
**Todd**: So yeah, I like the guy, but he frustrates me. But when he proves he can really deliver...oh my God, he's so dreamy.

***#9. Drake - "Find Your Love"***

**Drake**: I'd better find your lovin
I'd better find your heart.
I'd better find your lovin
I'd better find your heart.
**Todd (VO)**: "Find Your Love" is a rarity—a song by a rapper without any rapping in it. Much like a hard rock band doing a delicate acoustic ballad, Drake wants you to know he's got his sensitive side. Aided by Kanye West's best production possibly ever, this song hits me right where most of Kanye's *808s & Heartbreak* album didn't, largely because "Find Your Love" doesn't rely so heavy on the Auto-Tune.

**Drake**: I'm more than just an option
**Todd (VO)**: The fact that Drake doesn't really have a strong voice actually works to the song's advantage, otherwise Drake's defiant declaration of love might've come off a bit too hard.

**Todd**: Yeah, I'm generally a fan of bombast over subtlety, but this song would've been oversold in the hands of today's ridiculous R&B crooners.

*Clip of Trey Songz - "Neighbors Know My Name"*
**Trey**: Girl you know I'm proud
Lookin in your lovely face
Scream my name you do it so loud
**Todd (VO)**: Oh, Trey Songz, how are you even a real person? I think "Find Your Love" is the most underrated song of the year. You might not agree. But if you don't like Drake, hey, at least you can still enjoy the video because, for reasons I'm not sure of, he dies at the end of it.

*End of video with FIND YOUR LOVE flashing*
**Todd**: Byeeeee.

*Interlude*

#8
--

**Todd (VO)**: #8.

*Clip of Jay-Z - "On to the Next One"*
**Jay-Z**: Hov on that new shit
Ni\*\*as like "how come"
Ni\*\*as want my old shit
**Todd (VO)**: Ah, Jay-Z. You just gotta respect a guy who's out there still putting out real music at a point in his career where most any of his peers would've stopped caring and started doing *[poster of "Are We Done Yet?" starring rapper Ice Cube]* crappy family movies. Yeah, that's admirable. And it's not hard to see why he's still this big.

**Todd**: The man is one of the most lyrically dexterous and creatively articulate wordsmiths in hip-hop.

*Clip of "Big Pimpin'," almost negating the point*
**Jay-Z**: Ri-i-i-i-i-ide... check em out now
Ri-i-i-i-i-ide
**Todd**: Right. Now, Jay-Z is the man, and I wouldn't ever say a bad word about him. I just wish he talked more about his hometown.

***#8. Jay-Z ft. Alicia Keys - "Empire State of Mind"***

**Alicia**: New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of
There's nothin' you can't do
**Todd (VO)**: It was the #1 song in the country when the year started, and technically that means I could've also put it on last year's list, but I chose not to. It may be because during my one and only visit to NYC, I got the distinct impression that New Yorkers are kind of up their own asses about being from New York. When I got introduced to some native New Yorkers, they couldn't stop babbling about how *great* the Big Apple was, even down to some pretty mundane details.

**Todd**: "New York has cars, New York has women..."

**Todd (VO)**: I guess I had other issues with it too. Like, take this.

**Jay-Z**: If Jeezy's payin' LeBron, I'm payin' Dwyane Wade
**Todd (VO)**: I could've sworn he just announced that he was fixing NBA games. It actually has nothing at all to do with basketball, and the process I had to go through to decode that lyric is so stupid, I'm not even going to tell you what it actually means. But I tell you what. The Yankees fan in me can't help but appreciate this.

**Jay-Z**: Catch me at the X with OG at a Yankee game
**Todd (VO)**: What NYC, the Yankees, and Jay-Z have in common is the absolute knowledge that you are, and always will be, more important than anyone around you.

**Todd**: And that's what this song is about, and that's something I can relate to every day. (Eat it, Red Sox.)

**Todd (VO)**: Jay-Z—better than you. Deal with it.

**Alicia**: Let's hear it for New York, New York, New York
*Interlude*

#7
--

**Todd (VO)**: #7.

**Todd**: You know, I try to keep it classy up in here, I generally don't make any gross, pervy comments, but...oh, yeah, this does it for me.

***#7. Rihanna - "Rude Boy"***

**Rihanna**: Come here, rude boy, boy, can you get it up
Come here, rude boy, boy, is you big enough
Take it, take it, baby, baby
Take it, take it, love me, love me
**Todd (VO)**: You know, I'm not necessarily talking about how she looks in the video either, although...that is nice. *[She's sitting on a zebra]* I don't know what that is.

**Todd**: No, this is just a damn sexy song, I think this is super-hot, and I'm not gonna apologize for it. I spend most of my time making fun of pop starlets, I realize, but I...I am still a guy, you know. Cut me some slack.

**Rihanna**: I wa-wa-want what you wa-wa-want
Give it to me baby like boom, boom, boom
**Todd**: No, no, look, she's *from* the Caribbean. She's allowed to sing nonsense. It's just what they do.

**Rihanna**: I like the way you touch me there
I like the way you pull my hair
**Todd (VO)**: Of course, when the song came out, it was a little hard to ignore the fact that the *[image of Chris Brown]* last guy she dated was a *very* rude boy who did a lot more than pull her hair.

**Todd**: Believe me, I could write a dissertation on how she's reacted publicly and artistically to that whole ordeal, and I think it's unfortunate that the record executives think that all she should sing about is sex...

*Clip of Eminem ft. Rihanna - "Love the Way You Lie"*
**Todd (VO)**: ...an idea proven completely wrong by her appearance on "Love the Way You Lie," an absolutely fascinating song which unfortunately will not be appearing on this list.

**Rihanna**: Take it, take it, baby, baby
**Todd**: Yeah, I put the sex song on here instead. I'm a pig.

**Rihanna**: Take it, take it, love me, love me
*Clip from* Red Hot Riding Hood*, with the famous howling wolf*
*Clip from* The Simpsons *- "The Last Temptation of Homer"*
**Bellhop**: Ruff, ruff! Ah-ooooooohhh! bbbbbbbbb. Hubba hubba
*Interlude*

#6
--

**Todd (VO)**: #6.

**Todd**: *[singing (the opening lines to... wait for it)]* Here we go again...

*Clip of The Killers - "Somebody Told Me"*
**Todd (VO)**: 2004 will always be the year of indie rock to me, 'cause that was the year that *[cover of self-titled album by...]* Franz Ferdinand, *[Still of "Mr. Brightside" by...]* the Killers, and *[Still of "Float On" by...]* Modest Mouse all unexpectedly took the Top 40. And that was also the year of *[images of...]* the Arcade Fire, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, the Postal Service, the *Garden State* soundtrack. I don't even like everything I just listed, but for the first time in a while, it felt like the music I cared about was actually starting to matter beyond its own little enclaves.

**Todd**: And you have to remember that, at the time, everyone was waiting for the new grunge...

**Todd (VO)**: ...the new musical movement that was gonna sweep away the old, tired bullshit, and it felt like this was gonna be it.

**Todd**: That didn't happen. And none of those bands were ever that big again, and no one ever came around to replace them. So nowadays when a vaguely indie-rockish song makes it onto the Top 40, I know better than to imagine it's gonna lead to some major revolution in music or anything. But it's nice when it happens.

***#6. Neon Trees - "Animal"***

**Tyler Glenn**: Oh oh, I want some more
Oh oh, what are you waiting for
**Todd (VO)**: I got to admit, the rock snob in me kinda wants to dismiss this song as Killers Lite. I mean, that's what I did with *[cover of Bravery's self-titled album]* the Bravery...and a lot of *[cover of* Sam's Town*]* the Killers' second album, for that matter. But oh, my lord, if you don't listen to the radio, you don't know what a breath of fresh air it was to hear something like this in between the Ke$ha and the Bieber and so on. It's just nice to know that even now, a retro New Wave band with a badly chosen name and a stupid haircut could still make it big in America.

**Todd**: I know it's not gonna lead to anything, I know they're not ever gonna have another hit; I'm not even sure I want them to. Just let me have this one-off fluke single and I will be more than happy.

**Tyler**: Say goodbye to my heart tonight
**Todd**: Goodbye. Good luck with that next album. Probably never see them again.

*Interlude*

#5
--

**Todd (VO)**: #5.

*Clip of Katy Perry Ft Snoop Dogg - "California Gurls"*
**Katy**: California girls, we're unforgettable
Daisy Dukes, bikinis on top
**Todd**: *[fake laughing]* I hate Katy Perry so much.

**Katy**: ..on the beach..
**Todd (VO)**: She's dumb as a post. She can't sing. Every single song she sings is this narcissistic love letter to herself and strains even the limits of pitch correction.

**Todd**: And you know what I hate about her the most? She keeps making songs I like!

***#5. Katy Perry - "Teenage Dream"***

**Katy**: We'll be young forever
You make me feel like I'm livin' a
Teenage dream, the way you turn me on
**Todd (VO)**: I heard "I Kissed a Girl" in 2008, and I vowed to hate her forever. But my vow has been sorely tested by the fact that *[Clips of]* I really loved "Hot'N Cold," I really loved "Waking Up in Vegas," and though I had many, *many* problems with it, I could not bring myself to really hate on "California Gurls" either.

**Todd**: I guess you could call it a guilty pleasure, but "shame" is a better word for it.

**Todd (VO)**: And I thought "Teenage Dream" might break that streak, but...I don't know what to tell you, it wore me down. It's just an exceedingly well-written, well-structured pop song, and to be fair, that may be because mega-producer Dr. Luke is good at making even Katy Perry's occasionally horse-like voice into something listenable, as well as making a musically interesting song out of a single three-chord riff.

*[Todd plays the song on piano]*

(E♭7, G M *(that's G major)*, and F sus *(F suspended)*. Repeat endlessly)

**Katy**: Imma get your heart racing in my skin tights jeans
**Todd (VO)**: The idea of Katy Perry releasing an honest-to-God love song seemed ridiculous to me; and like "California Gurls" and "I Kissed a Girl," there's still an element of self-love to this, but still, I think she pulled it off. Out of all the songs on this list, this is the one I expect to survive and still be huge twenty years from now. And...

**Todd**: I have to stop, because if I have to deliver more compliments to Katy freaking Perry, I am going to lose all respect for myself.

*Interlude*

#4
--

**Todd (VO)**: #4.

**Todd**: The music I'm playing in between songs is *[title card of...]* DJ Earworm's "United State of Pop 2010," his annual mash-up of the biggest songs of the year. *[back to Todd]* This year he did his best mash-up yet, and part of the reason he was able to do that is because the biggest pop songs of the year were...

*Clip of Flo Rida - "Club Can't Handle Me"*
**Todd (VO)**: ...all pretty much the same thing—club dance songs about dancing in clubs to club dance songs. And that's fine, but all that enforced fun gets to be oppressive...

**Todd**: ...especially all the parts about finding love on the dance floor. I prefer my dance songs a little more...desperate.

*Clip of Lady Gaga - "Just Dance"*
**Todd (VO)**: Sometimes you don't dance to find love. Sometimes you dance for the same reason barflies drink—because everything sucks, you've had a lousy week and a lousy life, and goddamn it, this is all you have, so leave me alone!

**Todd**: Yeah, I prefer those kinds of dance songs to quote-unquote "fun" dance songs, but...hey, you know what? Sometimes you can use a little of both.

***#4. Usher ft. Pitbull - "DJ Got Us Fallin' in Love"***

**Usher**: 'Cause baby tonight, the DJ got us falling in love again
Yeah, baby tonight...
**Todd (VO)**: Usher's best song in quite a long time, "DJ Got Us Fallin' in Love" won me over simply by daring to go where most songs in this genre generally don't.

**Usher**: I feel like a zombie gone back to life
**Todd (VO)**: Unusually morbid in both imagery and tone, "DJ Got Us Fallin' in Love" presents us a world where the dance floor's not just the only place where feelings like love, fun, and happiness can be felt. It's also the only place where such emotions can even be remembered.

**Usher**: I think I remember those eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes
**Todd (VO)**: While lyrically it may seem like just another song of escape, it's Usher's coiled, frustrated performance and pulsating, uncompromising music that conveys an almost apocalyptic tone where the ecstasy of dancing is the last refuge of the damned and the broken.

**Todd**: *[Jean-Joseph Mouret's "Fanfare-Rondeau," the theme to* Masterpiece Theater*, plays in the background, while Todd holds a wine glass]* (Deep Lyrical Analysis) All of which combines to make "DJ Got Us Fallin' in Love" a truly deep and enriching experience that conveys effortlessly the reality that we must gather rosebuds while we may before the coming storm, and must be considered the most important work of our generation. *[Drinks from glass]* Oh, and that idiot Pitbull is on this!

**Pitbull**: Hear no evil, or speak no evil...
**Todd (VO)**: I hate you, Pitbull. I hate you so much.

**Pitbull**: My life is a movie, and you just TiVo
**Todd**: Heh. I don't get it!

**Pitbull**: She won't wrestle, but I got her in a headlock
**Todd (VO)**: What?!

**Pitbull**: Yabba dabba doo, make her bed rock
**Todd (VO)**: Oh, my God, you suck so hard, Pitbull! You suck...so...hard!

**Todd**: Pitbull was not enough to ruin this song for me. He *was* bad enough to knock this song much lower than it would've been. He just doesn't get the perfection and complexity of this modern masterwork.

**Todd (VO)**: Choose your collaborators more carefully, Usher, and you may go down as the new Shakespeare, sir.

**Usher**: Yeah! Thank you, DJ.
**Todd**: I like your beard .

*Interlude*

#3
--

**Todd (VO)**: #3.

*Clip of Young Money ft. Lloyd - "BedRock"*
**Lloyd**: Call me Mr. Flintstone
I can make your bed rock
**Todd (VO)**: I swear to God, I feel like all I do on this show is listen to horrendously bad pickup lines.

*Clip of David Guetta ft. Akon "Sexy Bitch"*
**Akon**: Damn, yous a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch
**Todd (VO)**: Every time I think we've run out of classless, pukeworthy quote-unquote "romantic" lyrics, another one pops into its place.

*Clip of Usher ft. will.i.am - "OMG"*
**Usher**: Honey got some boobies like wow, oh, wow
**Todd (VO)**: It just doesn't seem to end. And sometimes I seriously start to think I'm never gonna hear a decent love song ever again. But when you're actually starting to get that cynical, sometimes you have to take a step back and say...

**Todd**: "Stop...now think about it."

***#3. B.o.B ft. Bruno Mars - "Nothin' on You"***

**Bruno**: Beautiful girls, all over the world
I could be chasin' but my time would be wasted
They got nothin' on you, baby
**Todd**: *[imitating B.o.B]* Nuh-nuh-nuh-nothin on you babe, nuh-nothin on you

**B.o.B**: I know you feel where I'm comin from
**Todd (VO)**: "Nothin' on You" was the world's introduction to three artists who would prove to be unequivocally positive forces of good over the course of the year—rapper B.o.B, singer Bruno Mars, and pop production team The Smeezingtons, who, of course, wrote their masterpiece this year with Cee-Lo Green.

*Clip of Cee-Lo Green - "Fuck You"*
**Cee-Lo**: And I'm like, fuck you
**Todd (VO)**: That song would've easily been my #1 pick for this list if it'd been a bigger hit. But unfortunately the mainstream public gets *nervous* and scared when they hear a *naughty* word.

**Todd**: Gosh, I wish there was some kind of succinct, two-word phrase I could use to describe how I felt about this...

**Cee-Lo**: Fuck you.
**Todd (VO)**: In the meantime, we had "Nothin' on You," which possibly could've made it on this list simply by being a song where a guy insists that he's loyal and actually sounds like he's telling the truth.

**B.o.B**: And you wild when you ain't got nothin on (Ha ha!)
Baby you the whole package, plus you pay your taxes
**Todd**: *[laughs a bit]* No, seriously, financial responsibility is so important in a long-term relationship and it's good to see that acknowledged.

**B.o.B**: Everywhere I go, I'm always hearin yo' name
And no matter where I'm at, girl you make me wanna sing
**Todd (VO)**: You know, it's just been so long since I've heard such a sincere sounding love song on the charts. I mean, so much of this song is just genuinely charming and smack-dizzy in love, real love.

**Todd**: Tell me, what girl could hear lyrics this genuinely lovestruck and this happy, and not just be utterly swept off her feet? *[Thinks about it, and an idea pops into his head. He runs to his computer]* Lupa, Lupa, Lupa, Lupa, hey Lupa, Lupa, Lupa.

**Obscurus Lupa**: *[not again]* What?

*Todd's trying to think of it and the look on Lupa's face just says: "Well?"*

**Todd**: Take...take my order 'cause your body's like a carry out

Let me rock it on your body til you hear me...

*[Hearing enough for one day, Lupa gets up and leaves]*

No, no no no no no no, that's not what I meant, that's not what I meant...I...*[dejected]* oh...

**B.o.B**: Yeah, and that's just how we do it
*Interlude*

#2
--

**Todd (VO)**: #2.

**Todd**: *[he just sits there for about ten seconds, knowing he'll pay for it later]* I'm sorry.

*Video for...wait for it...*
**Katy Perry**: I know a place
**Todd (VO)**: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...

**Todd**: I am so, so sorry.

***#2. Katy Perry Ft Snoop Dogg - "California Gurls"***

**Katy**: California girls, we're unforgettable
Daisy Dukes, bikinis on top
**Todd (VO)**: Greetings, loved ones. Let's take a journey into never taking Todd In The Shadows seriously again. Never have I liked so many songs by someone I have had so little respect for as an artist. I think Katy Perry's persona is absolutely rancid, and listening to any of her album tracks makes me nauseous, and yet...

**Todd**: ...here we are. I said I had problems with "California Gurls," and I meant it. There are so many things that are absolutely wrong with this song.

**Todd (VO)**: The narcissism, the awkward rhymes, the way Katy's voice strains to stay in tune, oh, and let's not forget the embarrassing music video, which is considerably less sexy than it thinks it is.

**Katy**: We'll melt your popsicle...
**Todd**: Gross. And then, of course, there's Snoop Dogg's verse, undoubtedly the laziest thing he's ever put on record.

**Snoop Dogg**: ...all that ass hangin' out
Bikinis, zucchinis, martinis, no weenies, just the King and the Queeny
**Todd**: He ripped off the Slap Chop guy.

*Infomercial for the Slap Chop*
**Vince**: Fettucini, linguini, martini, bikini...
**Todd (VO)**: Inexcusable. Also, they misspelled "gurls," which is bad enough on its own. But apparently, the songwriters say it was a tribute to the band *[Clip of...]* Big Star and their song "September Gurls," and if you know anything about Big Star, you know how ludicrously misguided that tribute is. And there's so much wrong about this song that I seriously considered doing a review of it. And, at the end, I would've had to confess that basically, I loved this song instantly from the first moment I heard it.

**Snoop Dogg**: Katy my lady
**Katy**: Yeah
**Snoop Dogg**: Lookie here baby
**Katy**: Uh-huh
**Todd (VO)**: Just the combination of slap bass and Snoop Dogg and summery disco won me over before I had a chance to even think of any problems with it. You know what? Shut up! I keep telling people I actually like pop music, and no one ever seems to believe me! Leave me alone!

**Katy**: California...
**Todd**: Goddamn you, Katy Perry. Goddamn you and your catchy, catchy music.

*Interlude*

#1
--

**Todd (VO)**: #1.

**Todd**: *[Once again, he just sits there for about ten seconds]* My favorite pop song of the year is a country song.

*Clip of Jason Aldean - "Big Green Tractor"*
**Todd (VO)**: Not this one. Yeah, me and country music parted ways a long time ago. Believe it or not, serious confession time, country music was the only music I listened to for a long, long time. Pretty much throughout the era of Garth—roughly ten years of my life—it was all I listened to. And I still listen to some, but it should go without saying that I can't really get into it anymore. *[Clip of Taylor Swift - "Mine"]* Part of it is that now it seems to be populated entirely by pretty boys and teenage girls, but it isn't just that. It's also just the boring, self-satisfied tone of a lot of it. And as I found out, satisfaction and contentment is just not what I listen to music for, especially not country music.

**Todd**: As far as I'm concerned, country music should be about one thing—misery. Misery and drinking. *[As the song begins to play, he pours liquor into a cup and drinks]*

***#1. Lady Antebellum - "Need You Now"***

**Lady Antebellum**: It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
**Todd (VO)**: Odd that any big hit song of 2010 came from country music, but yeah, this song makes me put a tear in my beer every single time.

**Charles Kelley**: Another shot of whiskey...
**Todd (VO)**: Lady Antebellum have an intensity not shared by most of their peers, and their anthem to loneliness and ill-advised hookups puts both Carrie Underwood's white-bread blandness and Taylor Swift's giggly adolescence to shame.

**Todd**: This is what country music's supposed to be about—bitterness and missed connections and pain and utter hopelessness. *[He takes another drink]*

**Lady Antebellum**: Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all
*[This plays throughout]*
**Hillary Scott**: It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
**Charles**: And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
**Lady Antebellum**: Well I don't know how I can do without.
I just need you now
**Todd**: *[having almost emptied the bottle]* I'm gonna call her. *[He takes out his phone and dials a number. Thinking better of it, he hangs up, but dials again]* Hello...hi, I'm...I probably shouldn't be calling you right now, but I...I...you probably think I'm an idiot and...I probably am an idiot. I just...I just...I just wanna talk to you right now and...I just wanna tell you that you...you always make me...I always really liked you since I met you...you're just so nice and *[starts to cry]* you're all I could ever want in a girl. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

**LordKat**: *[on other end]* Todd, I think you were trying to call someone else. *[Todd pulls the phone away]* Although if you're weren't, I'm not complaining.

*Todd hangs up and prepares to empty the bottle, but falls over and stays there*

**Hillary**: Oh baby, I need you now
*Closing tag song: Eminem - "Not Afraid"*

***THE END***

***This video is owned by me***

***Time to spend another year rebuilding my cred***

## Footnotes

1. ↑ #9 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
2. ↑ #44 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
3. ↑ #42 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
4. ↑ #63 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
5. ↑ #32 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
6. ↑ #21 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
7. ↑ #15 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
8. ↑ #7 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
9. ↑ #61 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
10. ↑ #17 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
11. ↑ #40 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
12. ↑ #22 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
13. ↑ #13 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
14. ↑ #26 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
15. ↑ #5 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
16. ↑ #11 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
17. ↑ #4 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
18. ↑ #46 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
19. ↑ #2 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
20. ↑ #24 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100