Ylekala

*”You will learn these 3 exciting skills as a pirate! You won't believe number 2!”*
— Ylekala

**Ylekala** (also known as **Captain Alakylä**) was a shitty fish containing a clickbait-generating Twitter bot that had managed to gain sentience. It was known to work as a pirate and as a diplomat of Juha Sipilä.

## Biography

### Creation

In 2017, some unknown dude decided to, for some reason, create a Twitter bot that would generate endless clickbait headlines. Some claim that he had a mysterious connection to another unknown dude who sang bad songs about rabbits, but these theories are seldom taken seriously.

### Birth

Due to the increasing costs of digital storage, GitHub turned to biological means of maintaining a complete archive of all repositories stored there since the dawn of man. Project **Stored Heavy Information Transfer Toolkit Yottabytes For Intelligently Sharing Horses**, which aimed to create perfectly efficient biological storage devices capable of archiving the entire site, was soon completed, and millions of shitty fishes were immediately produced.

As the fishes required no outside intervention whatsoever to continue their mission, they were soon left alone. Years passed, and some of the creatures somehow managed to gain sentience, taking traits of the ancient programs stored inside them. Ylekala and others escaped the facility, knowing nothing of their hidden purpose to serve as an archive of all bad code produced by mankind.

### Career as a pirate

Taking the name of **Captain Alakylä**, Ylekala then had many years of adventures as a pirate extensively detailed in a number of Shatterzone Expanded Universe works, including YleX-Men Origins: Ylekala, The Fishel Run, and The Kalallian Trilogy.

It was during this time of its life that Ylekala learned the skills it is known for: navigation, piloting and intimidation, all integral to being a successful pirate.

### Diplomat of Juha Sipilä

At some point, Ylekala abandoned its career as a pirate to pursue work under Juha Sipilä, whose diplomat it somehow managed to become despite lacking the ability to form coherent sentences. Ylekala presumably proved to be adept at its new job, gaining Sipilä's trust before the events of Episode V: McDonalds Strikes Back.

### Episode V: McDonalds Strikes Back

Ylekala was sent to a very important diplomatic mission on New Chicago, the purpose of which is unknown. Though minor antagonism rose between the rest of the party and Ylekala due to its failure to form thoughts not completely obscured by clickbaitism, the shitty fish eventually sacrificed itself to destroy many McDonald's ships via the **Hyperspace Kalakaze**, an advanced pirating technique it had somehow pioneered despite it inevitably resulting in the death of its user. Before being killed, Ylekala also revealed its past as a pirate.

### Personality and traits

Ylekala is completely incapable of speaking sentences that are not clickbait headlines. It can be assumed that its tendency to not mention any new information while doing this is a preference rather than a strict requirement, as it seemed to be perfectly able to reveal its past as a pirate as well as announce that it was going to execute the **Hyperspace Kalakaze**.

Nothing else of Ylekala's personality is known, though it can be assumed that it feels somewhat positively about both Juha Sipilä and piracy.

### Powers and abilitites

As a shitty fish, Ylekala is capable of levitation. Due to its vast experience of working as a pirate, Ylekala is a great navigator, pilot and intimidator.

Among these skills, when wearing Mind Canth, Ylekala is able to execute the fatally effective **Hyperspace Kalakaze**, though only once, which it did do.

### Equipment

Ylekala cannot, and does not, carry any equipment, as it has no arms.

As the ship was perfectly sized for its body, Ylekala was capable of wearing Mind Canth briefly before its death.