Waldo

Waldo (~2009)

### Aliases

Waldo, Biggy Dubs, Doctor Dub, Mr W, The Notorious D.U.B., Grizwaldo the Powerful

## Appearances

### Debut

13/05/2020

Waldo is a semi-active member of the Jokakaka Discord Server, with claims that they are the main character of Jokakaka (though this claim has been disputed). With every utterance of their name, Waldo gets at least 10% stronger, and as Waldo loves saying their own name, this makes them perhaps one of the most powerful characters in the Expanded Jokakaka Universe. Waldo was born on October 28th, 1756- the author has not confirmed where Waldo was born but some theories claim the location could be the Planet Melmac, the back of the big Tesco in Dalmarnock, Stevenage, Boston, the top deck of a Number 61 Bus to Sandyhills, the Waldo Zone, or North Hollywood. When Waldo was born, a great bolt of lightning shot across the sky and once it landed, that is where (it is believed) the first trees were grown. Waldo has many fun traits, for example; skateboarding, riverdance, eating all of their veggies, and being generally just a lovely, stand-up guy.

## Powers and Abilites

### Witchcraft

Waldo has been confirmed by the author as one of Jokakaka's most powerful magic users- known for casting spells that often cause great mischief within the server and across the Jokakaka Expanded Universe. Perhaps the most famous example of Waldo's magic usage is when they casted a little spark out of their little knobbly knuckles and blinded the driver of HRH Princess Diana's car on August 31st, 1997. It has been implied that most of the major *Civil Wars* on the server were caused, in one way or another, by Waldo's witchcraft, making Waldo a Level 87 Mage.

### Future Sight

Waldo has, in the past, displayed acts of premonition (or as they call it, "Future Sight") that can only be described as "freaky deaky", gaining them the monacher of Waldo the Wise. Waldo has been able to open tha big fucking eye on their forehead like Doctor Strange and see into the future in order to predict events before they happen, though it is unconfirmed whether or not Waldo still has access to it after Chapter 497.  For example, Waldo was able to predict the Fall of Jokakaka months in advance before it happened. Other notable Waldo predictions that are yet to come true include:

* Simp dying on March 19th 2047
* Iconic becoming the 4th member of Jokakaka
* Bugo vs Chris Chan boxing match
* Squibb's name being Margret Bobinski
* Veno and Quiche's first-born son being named Walter
* GWG's Final Stand

### Pirate King

Whilst everyone was so interested in One Piece, they never truly understood that the pirate king was already amongus- ever since defeating Tom Kenny in hand-to-hand combat in 2007, Waldo has inhabited the slowly rotting corpse of Tom Kenny. Fortunatley, when Waldo defeated Kenny, Kenny was in full costume and make-up for the character of Patchy the Pirate, a reoccuring character on the Nickelodeon television program Spongebob Square Pants known for his mastery of the waves. Waldo, therefore, now has a complete understanding of piracy and how to properly utilise it in combat and in general life.

### Red-Green Colourblindness

In a pathetic attempt to nerf Waldo's stats, God has made Waldo Colourblind, specifically being afflicted with a case of Strong Deuteranopia, meaning that Waldo has difficulties telling green and red apart, though this can also include colours such as blue and purple, or yellow and orange. Though found in almost 10% of your world's population, Waldo is particularly unique because um IDK they just are OK they're really unique OK? At face value, some would see this as a significant nerf in Waldo's power rankings, however this does not affect Waldo much in their day-to-day life, and in fact has contributed to some of Waldo's world famous *Waldo Colourblind Moments,* often leading to bouts of extreme hilarity.

### Gymnastic Skill

Did you know Waldo can do a backflip? Crazy

## Attrocities

Waldo is a very naughty boy >:( and as such Waldo has done many nasty, rotten things over the years, including but not limited to;

* first degree murder
* second degree murder
* fourth degree murder
* murder at a 90 degree angle
* setting someone on fire by 90 degrees (celcius)
* being rotten to the french
* slapping Dawn French
* fighting over the last Custard Cream
* claiming to have seen every episode of Call the Midwife
* rolling the "Worst Joint Ever"
* never leaving the toilet seat down
* being a libra 🤪
* never returning books to the library
* always swearing
* didn't call their gran last week :/
* kissing boys (platonically)

The author has not confirmed whether or not Waldo will ever stand trial for these crimes, but inshallah they will recieve the death penalty.

## Alliases

Waldo is a tricky little ばか, and has never divulged their name. For now, here are all of Waldo's confirmed current known alliases.

* Carmen West
* Nelson Haughy
* Alan Wilson
* Aidan Wootan
* Ewan MacFarlane
* Hamish McFadden
* Angus LeBouf
* Gordon Shumway
* Barry Chuckle
* Rodney Hammersmith
* Wallace Docherty
* Karim Simpington
* Greg Thatcher
* Steve Zambigo
* Waldo White
* Samuel Goggins
* Mike Hawk
* Dee Snuts
* Carmine Maldore
* Frank O'Flannagan
* Doug Plinkett
* Paul Boggins

If you see any of these men, please contact the Waldo Tracking Hotline at ***1-800-950-6264***.

## Further Reading

Revised Standard Version, Catholic Edition Bible

The Noble Quran

1. ↑ 6248 Agnes Ave, Los Angeles, California
2. ↑ https://www.shoutfactorytv.com/alf/alf-s1-e1-a-l-f/61faed761b46180001eb9e0c
3. ↑ sound
4. ↑ Simp, January 29th 2013
5. ↑ i went to the beach and got sand in my eyes :(
6. ↑ https://enchroma.com/pages/strong-deutan-test-result
7. ↑ many scholars claim to have "LOL'd" (laughed out loud)
8. ↑ Waldo was promptley asked to leave the Club VIP Room
9. ↑ a witch told me
10. ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2018/aug/05/barry-chuckle-obituary