Stream in the Mind: Emma

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tw:// indirect suicide, gore / blood

written 100% by viri!! the original version is here, you should read that first or else none of this will make sense <3

## Stream in the Mind: Emma

My honest opinion on the time of year where the only thing people do is kill each other: it's completely useless. The only thing that people *really* get out of it is a smaller population and more money to split between people, but I don't think that's necessary at all; it's stupid. I hate killing people. I hate seeing the blood pour out of peoples' bodies. I hate watching them die. But mostly - I hate being the one to end the life of a person that's completely innocent, one that has never done anything to make me angry before. At all.

But I have a job. I have a team, I have friends. Willow and Lucas have been with me from the start. Before I was old enough to participate in the yearly shootings that would happen at the beginning of every January - no matter how cold or how arm the weather was - I nearly died. The strongest people were merciless - and they were willing to kill whoever would come into their way. Even if it was an 8 year old girl that was curious about going outside, and nothing else.

After I was rushed to the emergency room 3 hours after being shot on my leg with a gun, I lost all of the curious and adventurous trait I had inside of me. The only thing I cared about after that was making sure that I would stay alive. I read all of the books I could about why the city did this, but it didn't help. Even though I tried not to show it, I was still an extremely sensitive person. Just seeing blood would make me shiver internally, and I absolutely *hated* seeing people depart - from existence.

But I met Willow and Lucas. In short, they were the ones that were there for me - the ones that helped me survive. My friends that I knew would stay with me until all three of us died.

Willow was outgoing and she was willing to do anything to protect the two of us, and although Lucas was more reserved than her, he was the same. All of us were willing to make sacrifices for each other, but deep down, I thought that I was the only one who found it hard to point my gun at the head of someone that never did anything wrong, and to press down on the trigger with my finger.

But right now, it was my turn to fight and I knew I couldn't just stand here while feeling bad for myself. Standing on the balcony of our shared apartment, I aimed my gun at a person that was sitting on a bench surrounded by a few dead bodies. My hands almost froze as they rested onto the gun trigger. The person sitting on the bench looked my age, and maybe even a little less.

Suddenly, I heard a noise behind me and my first instinct was to pull on the trigger. As I did that, I noticed in horror that I had hit the person I was aiming for squarely in the ribs. The sound was only a rustle of the bonsai tree on the balcony, but that didn't matter. I'd killed many people before. But this was the process after each one, every single time.

The person wasn't even dead yet. We weren't supposed to waste bullets - that was one of our rules. But I'd never really followed that, and so I took another bullet and hit his head. *If I'm going to kill people, at least I won't make them suffer.*

Willow Corrins. She had been the best friend I'd ever had along with Lucas, and that's why it surprised me when I heard that she would be sent to the government because she won by killing 1,324 people. I was in third - of course, if my friends were going to go up and assume that killing the least would mean losing, then so was I.

We escaped to the mountains. I was keeping watch while the other two of my friends slept, and I saw people in the distance. While I took in a shaky breath and pretended to be asleep, I could hear them whispering about me and their murder plans. Ew.

I know that what I did next was selfish. But honestly - I couldn't help myself. It was just too hard, and fighting back would only mean killing more people.

So I lay down in my sleeping bag.

"She's asleep. The one that scored third place. We should kill her first - it means less backup. Plus, she's weak anyways, and she'd be the easiest to kill," I heard one of the people wearing gray say.

My breath hitched. But I still didn't move.

I could hear the bullet reloading and being added to the gun. So I shut my eyes, and did the thing that I knew I would be regretting for a very long time - if my soul still made it out alive.

I didn't do anything. I waited for the bullet to come, and for the quick death to pass me. *I'm sorry, Willow. Lucas. I know what I'm doing is selfish. I'm betraying you guys, making you worry about me, making you have to go through it all alone. But really? I'm not sure I can handle this anymore.*

I heard gunshots. I smelled smoke. I saw the dark gray color of my sleeping bag and a red bracelet tied on my arm.

But after that, all my senses closed, and my vision blurred for a final time before it stopped completely.

*END*

*written and published by viridian 06142022. all rights reserved.*