Poison and Paperwork

## Intro

**Jason**: Hello and welcome Celestial Expanse, a real play D&D podcast set in the Celestial Expanse universe. My name is Jason, and I'll be playing everyone's favorite heretic elf, Theran. Tonight, you'll witness probably not as much chicanery and tomfoolery, and perhaps if you're lucky some ballyhoo and monkeyshines, but now I want to introduce the Prime Minister of Sinister, the Foreman of Fornicating Skyward, the Numero Uno of rolling numero uno, and the 74th most hated DM in podcast history, our friendly neighborhood DM, Matthew. How you doing tonight, Matthew?
**Matt**: Pretty good. Eventually I'm gonna have to demand a recount, cause I'm pretty sure what I did during the season finale should have skyrocketed my poll.
**Jason**: There was some dipple chads and a recount needed in Florida, so, yeah. That's gonna happen. But it's just you and I tonight, so take it away Matthew.
**Matt**: Yeah like with the others, we're doing a special solo episode for everybody, and that's including our lovable Theran. We'll see what kind of shenanigans he gets into today.

## Summary

### Episode Description

Theran is bored and tries to enjoy a day off but strange events begin to occur. When he tries to figure out what is going on he gets a business proposition.

### Summary

Two months after the season 1 finale, Theran is relaxing in the Terminal, having a drink with Z. He's mostly been spending his time taking care of Lelia, who is still recuperating from radiation poisoning. Z is bemoaning Martle's lack of interest, and Theran says it's her height. It's an hour after Z left to go see Space Dad, so Theran's surprised to see her. He calls her on it and she lies about the departure being pushed back, then tells him to look behind him, looking scared. Theran turns and sees someone with white armor and a helmet with a sharp-toothed grin painted on. He hears the laugh of the Harlequin from the Rhea, and the figure shoots him in the head.

Suddenly Theran is back at the bar, now with Martle. She's complaining about Lelia tagging along to see Space Dad, and she and Theran have a short conversation about that and Martle's quest for revenge. He challenges her about being here and she gives the same excuse as Z. She sounds unsure, however, and her explanation that they don't have a ship doesn't make sense, given that Lelia does. She looks behind Theran, and Theran predicts his death, which then occurs.

Theran is in the bar with Rell this time. He tells Rell what's going to happen with the Harlequin and asks for help, but the Harlequin is already there and shoots him. Next is Zarial; Theran turns around immediately to see nothing, and when he turns back to Zarial, he's been replaced by the Harlequin, who shoots him. Next is Eric, blue with oxygen deprivation. He asks Eric if he has any last words, and Eric says to tell Martle it's okay. Then the Harlequin shoots Theran.

This time, Theran is in a strange, dim space. He's sitting across from a man with an obscured face, dressed in a fine business suit, drinking a cup of tea. He introduces himself as Nathaniel, and asks if Theran would like a drink. Theran asks if he's awake, and Nathaniel says yes and no. A table like a wisp of shadow appears before him, and a wisp of shadow places a cup of tea before Theran. Theran requests the wine from his moon, which Nathaniel knows. A bottle appears and two cups are poured. Theran takes Nathaniel's cup. He asks if Theran remembers what happened to him. Theran replies that he got shot in the head multiple times by a douchebag. Nathaniel tells him the Harlequin was responsible, but Theran wasn't shot.

Suddenly Theran is back at the station, walking to the bar, when he's stopped by Cassius. He says he needs Theran's signature, because he got a package from Sonka. Theran signs, and Cassius asks for a tip. Theran gives him a dagger. He heads back to his apartment, where Cassius left the package. It seems to be untrapped, and inside is the wine from his moon. When Theran takes a bottle out, he finds a heretic elf ear underneath. Removing more bottles, he finds Edmund's head, wearing a maniacal smile. He hears the Harlequin's laugh, and gas comes out of the mouth. As Theran falls unconscious, his body burning inside, the Harlequin's voice says, "Theran, Theran, Theran. That's what you get for breaking my toys back on the Rhea. Soon I'm going to go after the rest of your crew. But why not get rid of the easiest crew member of all you clowns? It's gonna be so much fun hunting every single one of em. And once I get rid of them, I'm gonna have sooooo much fun with your little lovely girl Lelia."

Theran is back with Nathaniel, who says Theran is dying, poisoned by the Harlequin. He's frustrated that he doesn't know the Harlequin's name, saying he should. Theran asks if everyone dying sees Nathaniel. Red lights shine from where Nathaniel's eyes should be. He says sometimes, or sometimes people see one of his associates. He says he can save Theran, but Theran will have to work for him. He says he'll remove the poison from Theran's body anyway, but if he works for him, he'll make sure he's well compensated. Theran says he's not interested, and Nathaniel promises him revenge against the Harlequin. Theran says that's what Martle wants, not him, but Nathaniel reminds him that defeating the Harlequin would also keep Lelia safe. He promises Theran great power for as long as Theran works for him, reaping souls that don't belong in this realm, such as the Harlequin. Theran asks who sets the criteria, and Nathaniel says he does, for it's his domain. Nathaniel stands, the table vanishes, the shadows recede, and Theran sees a white room, and Nathaniel is sitting at a brown desk covered in paperwork. There's an odd statue on the desk. It's small enough to be hold, and has a walking figure in a circle, separated into four quadrants. The top is a very young humanoid, the right arm is that of a humanoid in the prime of life, the legs are those of an old man, and the other arm is skeletal. Theran still can't see Nathaniel's face. There's a title plate on the desk, reading GKD - Nimtar. Nimtar is referenced in several old religions, and GKD can only mean God King of Death. Theran calls him the Grim Reaper, which is true, but he prefers Nathaniel or Nathan. He says the Harlequin should have died long ago, and that Lilith is responsible for keeping him alive. Lilith used to work for him, before she decided to work for someone else, though that didn't work out in her favor. Once Theran gets Nathaniel's assurance that he'd be reaping souls that really should be dead for the good of the galaxy, they shake hands. The shadows recede from Nathaniel's face, which is skeletal and has horns, but comes across as natural rather than frightening. Theran asks if he'll have to kill loved ones, and Nathaniel says only if he wants to. He wants people who can make their own choices. Theran agrees, and Nathaniel shows him a contract. It's simple and to the point, with no tricky language or fine print. Theran signs, and feels more powerful. Nathaniel says Theran can say his name, and Nathaniel will speak into his ear. He brings out a huge manual and tells Theran it's a manual for his powers.

Theran wakes up in his and Lelia's room, takes the wine out of the box, and disposes of the box with Edmund's head. Theran finds he has the book, and he flips through it as he drinks the wine. Theran reads about "Whispers in the Dark," and hears ethereal whispers behind him, some of which foretell the near future, some of which were from the past. Theran calls Edmund's daughter, Ardrial, who looks distraught. She says she's safe, but her dad's dead. She asks who would kill him, and why. Theran says he knows, but it's not safe to broadcast, and offers to meet. She says she doesn't want to be on Sonka anymore, so he sends her the coordinates for the Terminal, telling her it's safe and who to talk to. She asks after Captain Eric, and Theran tells her he's dead too. Theran tells her she'll want the wine from his moon sometime later, so she says she'll bring it.

In the meantime, Theran gets to reading the manual, which is called *The Reaper's in you! How you can make the living and the dead better*.

## Memorable Quotes

**Theran**: Someone's behind me, huh.
**Dream** **Martle**: Yeah?
**Theran**: Is he in a white bit of armor with a shark face?
**Dream** **Martle**: Yeah?
**Theran**: Does he have a gun?
**Dream** **Martle**: Yes.
**Theran**: He's probably going to shoot me in the head, then.

**Theran**: Since the deaths on my moon, my give-a-shit-er has been offline.
**Nathaniel**: That's understandable.
**Theran**: If it weren't for Martle's motivations, I don't think I would have any of my own.

**Theran**: You, however, seem to be presenting me with one. I need one promise from you.
**Nathaniel**: And that is?
**Theran**: That it actually is these people's time. That you don't do this for any of your own benefit.
**Nathaniel**: It is for the benefit of the galaxy. Not for my own.

**Ardrial**: Who would kill my dad? He - he didn't do anything wrong!
**Theran**: I actually know the answer to that question.
**Ardrial**: Who did it?
**Theran**: That is immaterial and unimportant right now.

## Trivia

* Theran can now look into the short-term future or past.
* This is the first episode with Nathaniel.

## Stats

(DM)
 **Nat 20s** | 0
 **Nat 1s** | 0