Chapter 10 - Finale (G&G)

To give in to darkness is to give up your life.  Nothing it could
ever offer could allow one to live a happily.  It does the exact
opposite, in fact, tearing one apart from the inside until they having
nothing, and nobody, left.  In some cases, however, there are glorious
exceptions to this rule.  There is only one thing that is more powerful
than darkness: light.  When all seems lost, light can shine through the
evil to bring the possessed new hope.

Xavier had messed up.  For once in his life, he was able to admit
 to himself that he had messed up.  Everything he had done had only
worsened the lives of the ones who meant him no harm: Parin had suffered
 greatly because of his selfishness, Chubba had been the target of his
countless murder attempts, and then there was Skelloetta.  Oh, how he
had hurt-

“Okay, you two!” shouted Chubba, who was exerting all of his
energy to be the most obnoxious game show host he could be.  “I’m sure
you know how this game works!”  Skelloetta would have to wait.

“Actually,” moaned Bandit 1, “neither of us have any-”

“PUT A CLAM IN IT, BANDIT 1!  I WAS GOING TO EXPLAIN IT ANYWAYS!”
 the clubba shrieked, his red face overpowering his teal skin.  Turning
to the audience, he went on to say, “Here’s how-”

“XAVIER!” “OR!” “NOT XAVIER!”

“-works!  Man, I love doing that!  The rules are quite simple.
 In each round, we will ask a question that only the REAL Parin would
know!  Then again, Xavier’s a bit of a creep, so who knows, right?  To
answer, all you have to do is press the big, red button on your podium
before your twin does!  At the end of the final round, the one who got
the most questions correct will be dubbed the real Parin, and winner
of-”

“XAVIER!” “OR!” “NOT XAVIER!”

“Okay, you can stop doing that now,” he continued, frowning.  “As
 for Xavier, well… let me just say that I have something special in
store for him.”

Xavier could only imagine the horrible suffering he’d be forced to
endure if he didn’t win the contest.  Though he wished not for Parin to
receive the brutal punishment that was meant for him, Xavier wished even
 more that he would not.  This in mind, he was determined to beat her
out by any means necessary.

“Alright!  Let’s get onto our first question!”  The identical
bandits readied themselves, placing their hands above their respective
buttons.  “What color are Parin’s-”

Bandit 2 quickly buzzed in.  “Red!  My sheets are red, people!
 Not pink!”  The masked abomination turned towards the other masked
abomination and stuck his tongue out through his mask.

“Congratulations, Bandit 2!  You’re correct!”  He paused for a
moment, then continued.  “That’s what I WOULD say if you were right!”

“What?” Bandit 2 shouted, jumping up from his relaxed position.

“If you let me finish stating the question without so rudely
interrupting me, you would know that I wasn’t asking about the color of
Parin’s sheets.  No, I was asking about the color of her room!”
“Uh, red!” yelled Bandit 1, then realized he forgot to press his buzzer and continued to do so.  “Red!  Or blue!  One of those!”

“That is correct!” Chubba shouted, followed by the cheers of the
ignorant audience.  “You’re looking pretty suspicious up there, Xavier!”

```
 Bandit 2 sunk back in his seat, arms folded.

```

“Yeah, Xavier!” Bandit 1 began.  “You’re looking pretty-” He was
cut off by Bandit 2’s friendly gesture of clawing at the side of his
stand while giving him a death glare.

“Time for question #2!” Chubba continued after the viewers
quieted themselves down.  “What is Parin’s favorite macroinvertebrate?”

“What?” shouted Bandit 2.  “I don’t even know what a-”  All of a
sudden, Bandit 1 pulled a massive encyclopedia out of nowhere and
dropped it down on his button.

“Well, Chubba, that’s obviously the mayfly!  Or the bloodworm!
 Or the pouch snail!  Or the…”  Bandit 1 spent the following half hour
listing every macroinvertebrate he could find before slamming the book
shut.

“Wow!” cried the host, filled with ignorant amazement.  “One of
those was right!  That’s another point for Bandit 1!”  Bandit 2 was
astonished by the stupidity of the game.  She was not, however,
surprised by the stupidity of the one hosting it.  Chubba began another
comment about how the bandit looked suspect, but he quickly shut him up
with another friendly gesture of holding up a particular finger.

“Okay, folks, settle down!” Chubba said, addressing the silent
viewing audience.  “This third question is a tough one!  What team does
Parin fight for?”

Bandit 1 punched the buzzer and yelled, “The Show Sto-” before a
look of realization crossed over his masked horror show of a face.  He
quietly stepped away from the podium, Bandit 2 thinking that he had this
 one in the bag.  He was about to buzz in when Chubba broke the silence.

“The Show Stoppers?  You mean that team that Xavier got kicked
off of?”  The battlers broke into uproarious laughter.  All of them
except Skelloetta.  “Seriously, folks!  We’re talking about the boo
sisters here!  They went behind that devilish bandit’s back and brought
in that stupid excuse for a blooper!  Not that I blame them, though.  I
would’ve done it myself.  Thanks for the laugh, Parin!  For such an
amazing joke, you get double points!”  Bandit 2, who would not even
bother to express his anger, looked over at Bandit 1.  He noticed
something that shocked him even more than how rigged the competition
was--a tear drop slid down from under his mask.  When the bandit noticed
 that the other was looking at him, he quickly wiped it off and turned
to face the viewers, a fake smile plastered across his mask.

“Okay, everyone.  Since some people can’t be good little children
 and hold off on tinkling for the rest of the show--I’m looking at you,
Scully--we’re going to take a quick break.  Keep your hand off that
clicker, because in just a few minutes we’ll back with-”

“XAVIER!” “O-”

“I TOLD YOU TO STOP DOING THAT!” Chubba screamed, and followed a panicking Scully up the ladder.

“Classic Chubba.  Super original of him to take a break from
being a host and take on the persona of a host!” prattled GB, who the
boo sisters had each secretly grown to hate with a passion.  Speaking of
 the boo sisters, Skelloetta had a lot on her mind.  Chubba’s comment
about them giving Xavier the boot had dug up the guilt she had tried so
desperately to hide away.  She knew that Xavier was a freak who had
absolutely no chance in life.  She knew that it was his fault he got
kicked off of the Show Stoppers.  Heck, she knew that she shouldn’t feel
 guilty at all.  But she did, and she knew not what to make of it.

Xavier also had a lot to think about.  He had gently touched upon
 how downhill his life had gone, but standing up there on the stage
listening to Chubba’s obnoxious voice had really brought reality
crashing down around him.  He knew, deep down, that winning this game
show would not cause things to go back to how they used to be.  But he
kept trying, and he knew not what to make of it.

Parin, who had been the only one to notice Xavier’s, or Bandit
1’s, short lived emotional state, had just as much going around in her
mind.  She was completely aware of the fact that she had done nothing
wrong, and yet she felt bad for him.  She almost felt compelled to throw
 the competition, but she quickly assured herself that she was being
overdramatic.  Parin felt something odd, and she knew not what to make
of it.

Chubba had just witnessed Scully urinate all over the floor of
the red major league room, and he knew exactly what to make of it.

“Welcome back to Xavier or Not Xavier, one and all,” he muttered,
 shivering.  “While Scully spends the night outside in the freezing
cold, we’re going to let the show go on.  First, however, I’d like to
address the official Xavier or Not Xavier poll!”  Both bandits glared at
 Chubba, waiting for his undoubtedly idiotic continuation.  “I think we
were all able to agree that the names Bandit 1 and Bandit 2 simply
weren’t going to cut it anymore.  This in mind, you guys voted on some
all new names!  1, the audience has dubbed you Rango the Magnificent.
 2, they’ve decided that your new name is Phil.”

“Or you could just call me by my real name,” Bandit 2 started, “which is Pa-”

“QUIET, PHIL!  Okay, all!  Without any further hesitation, let’s get on to our fourth question!”

The show proceeded as one might expect.  The questions grew more
and more stupid (with gems such as “Who is Parin’s favorite member of
the Wiggles?” and “What is Parin’s political stance on the selling of
mashed peas?”), and Parin’s rival continued to get every question
correct with the help of his dumb luck and Chubba’s dumb nature (for
those curious, the answer was Anthony).  This went on until the very
last question.

“This is incredible!” boomed the energetic clubba, who caused a
panic in the crowd of comatose battlers.  “The score is 49-0 in Rango’s
favor, and we’ve reached our final question of the night!  It’s a bit of
 a doozy, however, and it’s worth 50 points!”  An expression of hope
flashed over Phil’s face, much unlike the outraged one that appeared on
Rango’s.  Snoozer raised his voice.

“Hold on.  If the last question decides who wins regardless of the score, then what was the point of the first 49 que-”

“As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, this
question is worth 50 points.  It’s not an easy one, however.  Quite the
contrary, really.  The bandit who answers this correctly is, without a
doubt, the real Parin.”  Chubba looked around, took a deep, nasally
breath, and said, “Who does Parin love?”

The room went dead silent.  Neither Rango nor Phil moved a
muscle.  Xavier, who figured that a wildly incorrect answer would not
fly on the game winner, was frantically scanning the crowd of battlers
for any possible signs.  Parin had no need to make up an answer like
Xavier had so often, however, for this question was legitimate.  Parin
knew the answer; she knew the answer that would save her from Chubba’s
wrath; she knew the answer that would invoke the justice she deserved.
 She said nothing.

“Uh, Parin?” Chubba said with a little cough.  “Would you care to answer the question?”

“Uh, well…” Rango stammered.  “You see, that’s a very interesting question, because… uh…”

Slamming her fist down on the podium, Parin yelled his name.  The
 battlers gasped.  Chubba cleared his throat and spoke into the mic.

“Congratulations… Parin.”

The audience stood up and began to applaud and cheer.  Parin’s
love interest received many pats on the back, and he could do no more
than gaze at the seat in front of him in amazement.  Nobody, including
the weeping Skelloetta, noticed that the game show contestants had
broken out into a brawl until one of them was thrown from the mysterious
 stage.  The bandit’s head collided with the ground, and he was knocked
out.

“Woah!” shouted the bandit onstage, whose attention had been
gained by every set of eyes in the room.  “Xavier just attacked me!  I’m
 sorry that I had to do that, it was in self defense!”

“Don’t worry about it,” Chubba said.  “He completely deserves it,
 as well as everything else that will soon happen to him.  As for you,
Parin, you’re free to go.”  The bandit quickly scurried up the ladder
and out of the locker.  He knew that it was only a matter of time before
 Parin returned to her duplighost form.

It was only until Xavier reached the doors to Glitzville that he
realized he had no plan.  He froze momentarily before opening them and
trudging outside into the cold winter air.  As he droned on through the
snow, he pondered his many troubles one final time.  At this point,
Xavier could feel nothing but sorrow.  He had failed his peers.  He had
failed his teammates.  Most of all, however, he had failed himself.
 After what seemed like hours of walking, the bandit finally reached the
 edge of the floating island.  He was reminded of his countless attempts
 to kill Chubba, from the hanging light, to the lava pit, to the edge
that he stood before presently.  Those he did not feel bad about, for
everyone hated Chubba.  His other sorrows, however, remained true.  This
 in mind, Xavier could not shake the feeling that he had been trying to
kill the wrong guy all along.  As a matter of fact, the one he really
hated had been the easiest target of all.

Shutting his eyes, Xavier took in a deep breath, and was about to jump when he heard the doors to the Glitz Pit slam open.

“Sorry, everyone,” Xavier began, turning around, “but if I have
to go, I’m doing it my-”  It was then that the bandit saw exactly what
had caused the noise.  Charging at Xavier at full speed, burning all the
 snow in its path and trampling a buried Scully, was what appeared to be
 a shadow-esque reincarnation of a certain clubba.  He screamed as the
figure tackled him to the ground and pressed down on his shoulders.
 “I’m sorry for killing you, demon Tubba!  Please don’t eat
me--seriously, I’ve seen you eat a McRib, and I would much rather
plummet to my doom!”

“What are you…?  Oh, my bad.”  Tubba proceeded to rip off a layer
 of charred skin and toss it away.  “Believe it or not, my many layers
of fat actually saved me from burning to death.  Pretty crazy, huh?”
 Xavier let out a sigh of relief, glad to know that he would be spared
the fate of that poor McRib.  “Unfortunately, that didn’t stop me from
suffering serious burns.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to the
emergency room.”  Tubba collapsed on top of Xavier, and remained there
until a whole crew of battlers arrived to lift him up.

“Thanks, I-” Xavier began, but he lost his breath when he noticed
 Parin and his former teammates standing by the doors.  Wasting no time,
 he turned around and stumbled off the island in the most ungraceful way
 possible.

All of a sudden, a green stallion burst out into Glitzville and
charged through the crowd, on its back a muscular knight.  Aside from
the facts that the stallion was a panting Yoshi and the knight was an
overweight Chubba, this description was completely accurate.  Upon
reaching the edge, Chubba dismounted and allowed his dinosaur companion
to latch his sticky tongue onto the back of his suit.  Acting quickly,
the clubba leaped off after Xavier, his unhealthy weight allowing him to
 accelerate fast enough to grab hold of him.  In a final act of heroism,
 Yoshi pulled the two back onto land, all the while mumbling about how
much he hated his life.

When Xavier was placed safely on the ground, he glanced up at all
 of the Glitz Pit’s inhabitants who had crowded around him.  He quickly
took off towards the edge again, but this time someone stood in his
path.

“GB?  What are you doing?” Xavier shouted.  “Get out of my way so I can kill myself!”

“Sorry, X,” GB said in reply.  “I may be a horrible tentacle
monster, but I’m no murderer.  Just because I took your place on the
Show Stoppers doesn’t mean that we can’t be outcast friends!”

“Actually, GB, you’re off the team,” Skeloetta cut in.

“WHAT?” cried the bandit and blooper in unison.

“Xavier,” Skeloetta continued, as GB tried with all his might to
shove the bandit off, “Meloetta and I have learned a lot over the past
few days.  We’ve learned that you’re a completely insensitive jerk, for
example.  We’ve also learned that you’re a psychopathic little boy who
hides his many fears under a cheap mask.  In fact, we’ve learned that
you truly have no chance in life on your own.”

“Most importantly, however, we’ve learned that we really hate GB,” Meloetta added.

“No, most importantly,” Skeloetta said, raising her voice over
the murmurs of the crowd and the whines of the blooper, “we’ve learned
that you do have a heart.”

“What are you talking about?” questioned Xavier, avoiding direct eye contact like the social wizard he was.

“Do you really think we didn’t notice?  Every time you said
something hurtful to me, you took on this remorseful expression where
you’d get bags under your eyes and stick out your bottom lip!”

“Yeah, but it was mostly just because we read your diary,”
further stated the ever helpful Meloetta, who held up a leather book
with the words ‘Xavier’s Revenge’ messily printed on the front.  Xavier
jumped out to grab the book, and he ended up flying right through her.
 After he had gotten up, Skeloetta continued.

“It even reads that there was a point when you wanted to give up
killing Chubba… for us.  Sure, something changed your mind-” snickering
broke out between two unidentified, incredibly mature individuals, “-but
 you truly made an honest effort, and isn’t that all that matters?”  It,
 as a matter of fact, was not all that mattered, but her foolish sense
of morality blinded her from seeing this.

“So… what are you trying to say?” Xavier asked, finally looking up.

“Isn’t it obv-” Meloetta began, but her sister slapped a hand over her mouth.

“Xavier,” Skeloetta said, reaching out her hand, “you can come back to the Show Stoppers.”

The crowd broke out into applause, and some even began to cheer.
 GB floated away, sobbing, and Xavier took his old teammate’s hand.
 Unfortunately, it passed right through it, and he ended up doing a face
 plant in the ground.

“Here,” said a new voice, and a big, meaty ogre hand stretched
out towards Xavier.  The bandit took it, and was about to thank the
stranger when he saw that it was Chubba.  He jumped back with a shriek,
bumping into Parin, who had gone behind him.

“I’m sorry, Parin!” he yelled, covering his face.  “I shouldn’t
have taken advantage of your kind nature, and I shouldn’t have
endangered your life.  Please don’t hurt me!”

“Hurt you?” Parin asked, confused.  “Why, I came out here to
thank you!”  Now Xavier was confused.  “I’ve always hated being nice.
 Hated it with a passion.  I hated being passionate, too, come to think
of it.  But all of that changed after you took me captive like the
lunatic you are.  That traumatizing experience made me tough as nails,
and now I’m completely savage.”

Parin, seeing that Xavier was about to question how tough she
really was, jumped at GB.  She ripped one of his tentacles off, and ate
it in front of his face as he screamed in agony.  Everyone looked on in
terror, not daring to make a sound.  As the duplighost finished her
feast, she looked back at the crowd.

“Don’t worry, just give it a year or two and that limb will be
good as new.  Plus, losing a tentacle is completely painless for
bloopers!” Parin continued, raising her voice over GB’s continued
shrieks.

“That’s… that’s great, Parin,” Xavier whispered, and then turned
to Chubba.  “Okay, I’m confused.  If you’re allowing all of this, does
that mean you don’t plan to kill me after all?”

“Kill you?” Chubba shouted, a look of disgust on his disgusting
face.  “No, I was never planning to do that!  The fee for your death
would be too large to handle, so I was just going to beat you until you
hung onto your life by a thread.  Apparently, however, someone actually
used their own coins to pay for your life support.”  The boo sisters
gave the bandit demonic grins, which they equated to gleeful smiles.
 “This in mind, beating you is out of the question.  Instead, I’ve
decided to be generous and made plans for 90 percent of the money you
ever earn for the rest of your natural born life to go here.”

Xavier was moved by the clubba’s selfless decision.  “Thank you,
Chubba!”  He turned to face his teammates that he had reunited with at
last.  And thank you, guys.  From now on, I’ll focus on murdering our
enemies only in battle, and then alone!”  Now it was their turn to be
moved.  The three engaged in an awkward group hug (which was quite
literally an air hug for the bandit) and all was at last well.
 “Alright, everyone… WHO WANTS TO PLAY IN THE SNOW?”  The crowd broke
out into cheers again as they ran off throughout Glitzville.

Battles did not occur the next day, for the battlers had never
halted their merriment.  When the blimp carrying the viewers arrived,
the regulars were shocked at what they saw:  Scully was running about
with Darius sitting atop his head like a throne;  Mr. I was flirting
with the base of Blizzerd’s snowman;  Yoshi and Chubba were beating each
 other with shovels;  Tubba and Gonzales were attempting to make snow
angels that turned out to be big circles;  Shyer had grabbed an icicle
and was busy attaching it to a cheerful GB as a makeshift tentacle;
Aaron and EXE were having a poor excuse for a snowball fight;  Parin was
 sitting on a bench with Lukki, leaning her head on her boyfriend’s
shoulder;  what surprised the viewers the most, however, was the sight
of Xavier laughing and horsing around with Meloetta and Skelloetta.

Blessed are those rescued by the light.  They are a lucky few, a
small group of individuals that are able to identify the errors of their
 ways and atone for their wrongdoings.  This bane of darkness completely
 turned the bandit’s life around.  It mended the wounds torn by darkness
 and converted him from the side of evil to the side of good.  Xavier
had seen the light.

**END OF PART 1**