A Clash of Gods

It was a quiet spring evening in the town of Buraza, high-school student Ayano Aishi had quickly gotten bored of being in the house by herself with not much to do after her parents went on vacation to America (maybe they were trying to elect Hall or Yockey?).

After joining the Gaming Club (no, not the Velimir/Tabby kind of gaming 😳), she decided to download some video games off Steam to alleviate the boredom when she wasn't (and sometimes while she was) in class; one of these games ended up being Hearts of Iron IV (the DLCs are expensive so Info-chan had to buy them for her.) and the mod, The New Order: Last Days of Europe (her favourite path is Dentist Speer).

While she was trolling up the place with her fellow dsrfunny users in the G\*ming Club, she had also developed feelings for a boy in her school called Taro Yamada (Senpai for short), but he seemed to have feelings for another girl named Osana Najimi (love triangles, amirite? 😂). Naturally, the only way Ayano could get rid of this competition was to hack into Osana's social media accounts and start trolling Senpai with TNO memes (like a boss 😎).

Using Osana's accounts, she would DM him on Kaobook and Yancord with deepfake videos of Heinrich Himmler singing Dragostea din Tei by Moldovan pop band O-Zone captioned with "when the system is burgundian!11 😳😳😳😳😳 ඞඞඞ" and ear-splittingly loud audio edits of the Song of the Cadets of the Nikolaev Cavalry School (wholesome Vyatka reference). The best part was that it all seemed to be working according to plan as Senpai was uncharacteristically frustrated and angry when talking with Osana after school the next day.

"But I didn't do that! Senpai please! I swear, my accounts were hacked." pleaded Osana. "Oh, please." groaned Senpai. "You always say you aren't gonna do something, then you do it, and when you say you are gonna do something, you don't. Do you know how much that hurts me, Osana? I can't trust you with telling me the truth, or just keeping a promise for that matter." "I-" muttered the troubled teenager, before she was soon interrupted. "Don't even bother. It's over." said the beleaguered upperclassman, "No, wait! Come on! Please! Come back!" Osana panicked before running off crying to the school rooftop. She was now ripe for the taking.

Ayano, with a tranquillizer in hand, sneakily followed Osana to the rooftop, who by this point was crying and rocking back-and-forth on the floor muttering to herself "I am not a neo-Nazi. I am not a neo-Nazi." As Ayano was about to start walking over to stick the needle in her neck and kidnap her, Osana dared utter this "I hate HOI4! I hate TNO! I hate dsrfunny!"

"That's the last straw!" Ayano coldly whispered to herself. The rage she felt after Osana (perhaps somewhat rightfully) scolded the HOI and TNO communities was almost on par with the feeling she had when seeing Senpai talk to another girl. Ayano put the needle away and without hesitation pulled out a long, sharp knife, before walking towards Osana eager to spill her blood for her """crimes""", until she heard what sounded like a young man yelling from afar in a Russian accent "In the name of God, don't do it!"

Ayano turned around and saw what looked like fog and a spotlight shining down on the nebulous spectacle, the sight was heavenly in the most literal sense of the word. A man with a short, black beard and slightly messy black hair emerged from the fog, Ayano was stunned "It can't be. Is that... Wholesome 100 Alexander Men?" She said shakily. "Do not be afraid, my child." said the preacher. "If you choose to harm that girl, then the Deadly Sins of Lust, Greed, Wrath and Envy will have consumed you, forever condemning you to Hell when the time comes for you to leave the mortal realm." "Oh, really? And how is that a reason?" said the distant, much deeper-sounding voice of what appeared to be a much older man.

A pentagram appeared on the ground and what sounded like ominous chanting being played in reverse was reverberating all around. The skies turned grey, the wind was getting more intense, and the pentagram started emanating hyper-realistic blood and some sort of unknown white liquid (maybe it was milk; fondness for drinking milk from fancy glasses runs in the Aishi family 😋 🍷). A figure wearing what appeared to be a ram or goat skull eventually emerged from the Satanic star.

"Based Abaddon!?" cried Ayano. "Senpai doesn't deserve that bitch, murder her and you will find salvation in Hell." said Abaddon. "Begone, sinner. Do not tempt this child of God with your wretched ways!" cried Men. "Shut it, Christcuck." snarled the former Shturmovik. "Say it with me, kiddo. Satan is good. Satan is my pal." gently commanded the fundamentalist. "Satan... is..." muttered Ayano before she was quickly cut off. "No!" Men interrupted loudly, "This is a child of the Lord! I will not let this innocent young woman fall into your evil clutches!" he continued. "Be quiet, Christoid. We are children of the Devil and that Najimi bitch must be sacrificed for the prosperity of the Dark Lord and All-Russia." Ayano realised she now has to made a very difficult choice: Gamer Abaddon or Chungus Men? Eventually, of course, she would make her decision.

"I believe that I can still find my wholesome Chungus Heydrich redemption arc in God. Abaddon, you might be epic and gamerpilled, but Men here is based and Sablinpilled." Ayano said sternly "You truly are a soldier of God, my child." proudly remarked the Christian preacher. "No! You were chosen to be a servant of Satan on Earth! Reeeeee! Christcucks get out! Wholesome bad, Yagoda good!" before he started spinning in the air "The power of Christ compels you!" said Ayano. Men smiled at her before they continued chanting the phrase. "The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!" was quite literally being shouted from the rooftops, until finally the Satanist exploded into thick, black smoke.

A few minutes later after the smoke cleared, Ayano noticed that not only was Men gone but so was Abaddon. She heeded her promise to the preacher and went home, feeling that she had already gotten Osana, who seemingly hadn't noticed or reacted to any of what just happened, off her back.

Even if it went somewhat against her new way of thinking influenced by Men, Ayano also decided to join the Occult Club, so she could learn how to summon more TNO leaders IRL. "OK, everyone." said the club president, Oka Ruto in an extremely monotone voice. "We are going to try and summon a demon. The weather might have just been a bit windy last week, but I'm willing to bet it was probably us." she continued. Ayano's eyes widened in shock "Wait! Was she the one responsible for summoning those two?" she thought to herself. It didn't matter, as long as she stays away from her Senpai, all would be good between them.

After helping clean up the school, Ayano decided that now would be a good time to "check up" on her beloved Senpai, but what she found shocked and frightened her.

A girl with short, light brown hair started approaching her Senpai. "Hey, Senpai. I made you these." before revealing a platter of octopus hot dogs. "Wow, these are great." said Senpai before he started digging in. "What did you say your name was? Odayaka-san?" The schoolgirl giggled "You don't have to be so formal." she replied subtly blushing, "You can just call me Amai." "Oh, uh... thanks, Amai." replied Senpai gently scratching the back of his head.

Ayano couldn't believe what she was seeing, once again another girl was trying to steal away what rightfully belonged to her. The dark thoughts quickly set in as she started fantasising about killing the girl in the cover of the night and making it look like an accident (a reference to how TNO political parties purge dissenters), all of this before she uttered the words "Abaddon was right." After (partially) snapping out of her demented state, she snarled and went home in order to draw up a plan in order to get rid of this new source of competition.

*Author: MikeTheMerc*