181: All The Diagnoses Are Just Gonna Be Episode Titles

## Summary

While exploring a different direction, Brom is attacked by a ferocious lizardfolk named Mo, who it turns out is trying to overthrow Chilchirah himself, having become dissatisfied with the way he'd destroyed their culture and way of life. They learn that Chilchirah usurped the previous head of their tribe and has been eating gods in order to somehow obtain their powers, giving him many abilities. Mo offers to help them recruit more lizardfolk to their cause and leads them past the locked gate via a secret passage, arriving at a guard room.

## Synopsis

The group retrace their steps back down the passageway and come to a fork, the right-hand branch of which, branches again. While Will, Batthwack and Brom remain at these intersections, Dew, with Raphina on his shoulders, scouts ahead, going right at both forks to find a door in the north and a passageway heading off west.

Suddenly, a lizardfolk springs out from the passage down the first left fork, pinning Brom to the ground and holding a long jagged rough knife to his throat. They have bright green scales and a blue marking around their eyes and a rainbow-coloured frill along the top of their head and down their spine. Will hisses angrily, being unable to say anything in draconic and Dew and Raphina hear Brom's shriek and come hurrying back. Being a dwarf, Brom's lizardfolk illusion disguise doesn't actually fit his body, so the lizardfolk is struggling to grasp him. Batthwack can understand his confused ramblings: *"What's going on? What is this? Who are you? What is wrong with you?"*

Batthwack tells the lizardfolk to get off Brom. They start to converse in draconic. Will sends a *Message* to ask what's going on and Batthwack reveals that this lizardfolk thinks Brom doesn't have a head, meaning the disguises might have been compromised. Will *Messages* the others and tells them to begin surrounding the lizardfolk in case things go bad. They notice he's splattered with blood and Dew is concerned it's Brom's. Will casts *Comprehend Languages* so he can follow the conversation. They try to reason with the lizardfolk who is pretty spooked. Batthwack looms over him and tells him to sit down and shut up. The lizardfolk staggers back a few steps and plonks himself down on the ground.

It seems the disguises don't have much use now, so Will quietly asks the lizardfolk if they speak common. His head whips over towards Will and he says *"Where? Where you from? You... You with Chilchirah?"* The lizardfolk reveals his name is Mo and says he's killed lots of Chilchirah's followers. He's on his own, but wants to kill Chilchirah, who he says has ruined their way of life and destroyed their culture. He tells them that Chilchirah has forced the lizardfolk to watch him eat many gods, the Most Devout Praying Mantis, the Coursing Current Carp, Blood Red Squirrel, Spring Sparrow, which he does to gain their powers. Will is sceptical at the mention of these animal gods, and insists on using air quotes any time he mentions them. At the mention of the Rainbow Trout, Mo is very excited to hear they may have spoken to a god. He says all the other lizardfolk are scared of Chilchirah, calling them cowards.

   They ask to be taken somewhere secret to talk and he leads them south down the passageway, past a door, to a small room (see "16" on the map). Piled up in the room are the corpses of four lizardfolk whom Mo has killed because they were followers of Chilchirah. The room used to belong to one of these dead lizardfolk. Batthwack casts *Zone of Truth* so they can question Mo, who agrees but insists they do it quickly; he's very keen they get onto killing Chilchirah as soon as possible. Will squeezes himself into the corner to try and avoid the effect of the spell. They learn that Chilchirah is currently in his eating chamber, which is over in the east, past the gate that they'd been unable to pass (15). Mo says he's different from the other lizardfolk because he's brave and that's why he stands up to Chilchirah. He says Chilchirah keeps the majority of the lizardfolk close to him because he is scared of mutiny, and this leaves the rest of the lair undefended.

They learn that Mo's real name is Avrae, and that "Mo" is a nickname. He says that the lair isn't entirely populated by guards, it is in fact a whole society. Describing some of the areas, he says "There are barracks rooms and shaman rooms and there practice rooms." He also says that Chilchirah is now too big to leave the lair. They try to come up with a plan and Mo suggests they try to recruit more lizardfolk to their cause. The other lizardfolk are scared and hungry because of Chilchirah. He says the higher ranking guards might be harder to turn; they receive favours for being loyal to Chilchirah, such as nice places to sleep. Mo reveals he doesn't have a room of his own and sleeps in a common room, which Will finds offensive and reason enough on its own to kill Chilchirah. Mo says he's big worry is that Chilchirah might eat his favourite the god, the Luminescent Lobster of Love. He describes the Lobster as very tiny, holding up his fingers about a centimetre apart. When describing Chilchirah's powers, Mo says *"I think can fly, um... he has like, stabby things that come out that can hurt people. He can swim very fast even though he big. I think size, his bigness may come from god. Can climb stuff."*

Mo tells the group that he knows a way past the gate. He takes them back to the throne room (4), behind the double-doors where they'd previously heard laughter, and they go inside. Mo explains that Chilchirah is too big to use the rooms himself now. Two sets of three pillars flank a central area where two lizardfolk hatchlings are playing around a throne which stands on a low stone dais. Carvings of reptiles decorate the throne and glints of reflected light hint at the presence of inset gemstones. The heads of several creatures hang on the walls, mounted on plaques of wood for display as trophies. Mo explains that the heads do not belong to gods, just various creatures. On the east wall: a luminescent lobster, a weird tentacle-teeth worm, a hippopotamus, a hobgoblin, and fish-person head. The west wall sports a brown bear, a lion, a shark, a giant frog and another shark. Seeing all these dead animals on display makes Raphina mad. Mo says these are trophies from the conquests of other clans. The two lizardfolk hatchlings have immediately started playing with Dew and climbing all over him.

Will goes closer to look at the gemstones in the throne. Blue and green gems are inset to represent the eyes of the lizard carvings. Mo says it was previously used by the clan's king, before he was usurped and eaten by Chilchirah, who was just a member of the clan at that time. This was a long time ago, before Mo was even born. Chilchirah is quite old, having extended his life span by eating gods, so Mo doesn't know whether Chilchirah was always in the clan, adding *"We not really supposed to talk about life before Chilchirah."*

Mo reaches behind the throne, operates some kind of switch and opens a secret hatch in the floor behind the throne. Down in the hatch there is a damp underground passage dug into the dirt. They hop down inside, Will casting *Light* on his billy club. The passage slopes gently downwards, eventually reaching an opening that brings them out into a disused but well-appointed sleeping quarters (17). There's a large ornate bed, some rugs and cushions scattered atop it. There's an empty iron chest that's open. Will wonders if this was the king's quarters, given the secret passage leading here. The hatchlings have followed the party here so Mo brusquely sends them back up the passage.

A door to the north leads to a relatively bare adjoining sitting room (18), a nice table of polished wood in the centre and a chair that's overturned in the corner. Will stays behind in the bedroom and searches it, finding a jade figurine of a rattlesnake tucked between the wall and the iron chest. He pockets it, thinking that he needs some souvenirs to show the folks back in Tivoli.

Mo tells them that a door at the north of the sitting room leads to a guard room (19) and they hear four or five lizardfolk in there. Mo says the guards would be suspicious of him coming from this direction, so rather than burst in, swords swinging, they decide to enter with Batthwack pretending that Mo is their prisoner. Mo assumes the position, hands behind his back, and they push open the door.

## Trivia

* The episode title is a quote from Alex. The party have been shown the secret passage behind the throne and are debating how wet it is. Raphina: *"Do we swim? Do we have to breathe underwater?"* Mo: *"Oh no, no, it just damp."* Will: *"Er yuck"* KT: *"Damp with cocoon innards? Or damp from, like, ground water?"* Eric: *"Damp like a swimming pool?"* KT: *"Or damp like your crotch?"* Abby: *"Isn't that the same thing as a cocoon? Doesn't it mean ass?"* Eric: *"That's where my ass is, in my crotch... Is that the title?! I gotta make a title!"* Abby: *"Every single episode I feel like there's a different form of something wrong with all of us."* Eric: *"Decades from now, psychologists will still be using this as the gold standard."* Alex: *"All the diagnoses are just going to be episode titles. It's like, ah, he has episode 32."*

## References

1. ↑ What do you mean you didn't know Brom was a dwarf??!
2. ↑ See episode 180: Nobody Could Be Happy In a Cave