1038/Aftercare

**Starlock has posed:**
     Starlock carefully leads First Aid into her room, after a long ride back from the Dead End. She has him sit on the empty recharge slab on the right side of the room, and started working to clean him up from both the grime of working in the dead end, and the seepage from his wounds.

      She's focused, quiet, not prodding him on what happened nor scolding him, not yet.. that can wait when he's not currently dissociating.

**First Aid has posed:**
First Aid walks home with Starlock. Hes been quiet the whole way home, almost too quiet. His cracked optic band widens in horror at one point and he brings both hands over his faceplate. Whatever is going through his mind is tormenting him beyond anything he faced in that arena, or likely faced ever. Contgats, First Aid. You've had your first horrifically traumatic experience. He shakes and rocks for a bit, and finally looks up at Starlock once they are alone for a while. "Starlock? I did..horrible things." he comments, starting to snap out of it enough to acknowledge someone else's presence.

**Starlock has posed:**
     Starlock cringed, glancing away, she was pretty sure of that when she saw how damaged and dirty he was... Speaking of, finally back in her bot mode... The removable "helm" she now wore was off, and sitting on the shelf, with her old hat on top of it. Those long, thick wires falling from the top of her head and from behind that tiara for-helm piece of hers.. oh yeah, and her "horns"... Starlock was surprisingly a very sharp and spiky femme.

      "....I.." She'd sigh. "Tell me what happened." She'd state softly, as she continued to clean him, and started repairing his injuries.

**First Aid has posed:**
First Aid 's optics focus on Starlock, taking in her appearance. He gives a distant smile under his mask as he allows her to clean him. He winces when his injuries are touched but doesn't stop her from working. "I was in the End. Helping out some of the em..the people there." He says. "A couple of them needed parts adn I wandered too close to that arena. They saw me and wanted m e to fight. I thought I'd have to. If I wanted to make any deals in that area for parts to help. I'd have to gain the people's trust. So I asked for an opponent on my level. One of those C..one of those Combaticons stepped up. One called Swindle. I..." he shakes his head again. "I gave it every thing I had. I didn't want him to win. I faught. I faught well. At one point." he winces at his own words. "I enjoyed it. Starlock. What has happened to me?" he looks at his hands. Even i f they are clean, he still continues to rub them frequently as if he cant get something off of them. "What happened to me."

**Starlock has posed:**
     Starlock listined, having relaxed her expression as he spoke, nodding along, and waiting for him to finish before she spoke. "...This may sound.. Odd." She'd state, glancing up. "But.. How It sounds is like.. you ended up lost from the path you wanted to take, trying to do what's right, but ended up on the wrong one..." She'd try to explain as she herself tried to figure out how to make it, well.. make sense.

      "...You can get back onto the path you want, it just..Won't be /entirely/ the same, now that you have experiences and knowledge you otherwise would not have.." She'd frown, she wished he didn't have to learn that way. "...What you need to do, is figure out what you stand for, and what lines you don't want to cross, or cross again, and commit to such, because when you say No, it should mean, no."

**First Aid has posed:**
First Aid nods "I think that's the hardest part of this." he sighs, staring at his feet for a while. "The no means no part. I mean. I know first and foremost I gotta do what helps others. They were going to be helped, right?" he sighs and looks away a moment. "But if thats the case, why do I feel so bad about it?" he winces. "Starlock, I dont know how oyou can stand to be seen with me right now. I'm a horrible person. I know Im horrible. Even if Im doing the right thing, if that makes sense. If Ratchet saw that, I'd be fired."

**Starlock has posed:**
     "The path you're trying to take, the one I'm on, is /very/ easy to get lost on, or fall off of, because it's.. not easy, and such things can easily jade, and corrupt." She'd add with a nod. "It's why it's /very/ important to learn to say no, and not to compromise your own morals." She'd continue.

      Starlock would knit her ridges, and gave him a Sympathetic look, pushing herself up, to pull him into a tight hug. "...No, no you wouldn't be, he'd /scold/ you, ensure you understood to /never/ do that again, and have you work with him to ensure of such and learn how to do things properly, but he wouldn't fire you, he'd understand it wasn't out of malice, but mistakes were /very/ much made, and need to be learned from." She'd retort, somewhat hoping that was what Ratchet would do, it's what she knew what she would do with someone as young as Aid.

      "Your not a horrible person, I know it sure feels like it, but your not, but you /do/ need to be careful from now on and /not/ let that happen again." She'd add, pulling away partly, and put her finger to where his nose would be.

**First Aid has posed:**
First Aid smiles softly under his mask. He seems to focus a little more. "I want to help them, Starlock." he says softly. "How..I just have to learn how to do so without becoming what I was there." he says. "I stood my ground, sure but.." He says. "If I end up like you it wouldnt be half bad."

**Starlock has posed:**
     "Eheh.. Trust me, you don't want that." She'd give a weak grin, placing her hands on his cheek platting. "I learned to say no, after I let someone control my life, and tried to mold me into what /they/ wanted, and not letting me learn, or choose who I wanted to be." Shed vent a sigh.

      "...While I appreciate that I inspire, you.. should try to aim to find out who /you/ are and who you want to be." She'd state softly with a nod, and took in a deep vent. "...Talk to Ratchet then, when you see him, he's more experienced than us both, and he's doing so in the best way he can, within rules and laws that wont get his licence revoked or worse, with that clinic of his there."

      She'd explain, bringing a finger up to wave at him, realizing how that was.. partially untrue, Starlock did have a fair bit of experience she could be helping Aid with. "...I.. Admit, i'm not good at this.. mentoring thing, I've never done it before so.. I'm not very good at it." She'd laugh as words fail her.

**First Aid has posed:**
First Aid shakes hie had. "I dont know who I am, Starlock." he admits. "I dont think Im as soft as people thik aI am. But not as hard as I was tonight." he says. "I know you've been down this path before, maybe still going down this path." He moves his hand to hers, and leans his head against her. He suddenly sounds exhausted. "I dont know. I think you're doing a wonderful job. I dont know if Ratchet should know. Or anyone. Im afraid they might not like that Aid. I dont even know where it came from. It was beautiful and horrible. I know the cons liked it which means it was horrific."

**Starlock has posed:**
     Starlock blinked but let him rest there, and hugging him, closing her own optics. "I am a violent person... I hide such behind the idea and desire to protect those I care for, and for those that cannot protect themselves.. But the reality is, that violence, that anger? it doesn't care about the morals and ideas I am fueling with it, It just wants to lash out, so I have to /constantly/ keep it in check, and I am /terrified/ of hurting the wrong person one day, or becoming just like the monsters I want to fight against." she'd explain.

      "Don't worry.. I wont tell, but if you do tell Ratchet? Don't do it here, to many Cameras.. Prowl checks them too." She'd add, she knew her room didn't have security cameras, but still.. that paranoia was there. "...Can recharge here for the night, or until you feel safe, alright?" She'd smile.

**First Aid has posed:**
First Aid pauses. "Maybe I'm one too. I dont know. I always thought of myself as a pacifist, but.." He says. "I can't be. None of us can until this war is over." he admits. "Those people there they dont deserve to live the way they do. They need a protector not someone who refuses to fight when they are in danger. I dont like fighting but I will...if that makes me a monster then rar. Theres a evil monster on your berth." He chuckles. "I hope you know how to tame it." he makes a motion with a hand like a beast pawing and chuckles. HE lays back where he is. "Primus that was bad, sorry. I think I should rest here. Im not feeling allright." he admits. "And Prowl's gonna kill me if he finds out too."

**Starlock has posed:**
     Starlock stares at First Aid as he says "if that makes me a monster then rar. There's a evil monster on your berth." and is just unable to stop herself from devolving into giggles and laughter, slowly falling onto the floor and placing her hand against her helm, she'd grin, unable to keep herself from grinning.

      "Can still be a pacifist, just... Not in the way you think." She'd sit up with a grin. "It was, but you know what? Hells with it, totally worth it." She'd grin, and pull herself onto her own recharge slab, setting her glasses down on the bookshelf.

      "Like I said, you can, I'm okay with it, and.. Yeaah.. Lets.. try to avoid mentioning it around him." She'd smile.

**First Aid has posed:**
First Aid chuckles as Starlock liked his joke. He laughs with her, shaking his head. "I'll just have to find a new way to do it. Not sure how but in the meantime. I'll stick around and help." like not sticking around was something he was thinking about a minute ago? Maybe. "Yeah I dont think he wants to know about the monster in your berth."