Robert Wilson

Template:PLAYER CHARACTER

**[WARNING: This page contains spoilers for the At the Mountains of Dadness sidequest. The "After the Campaign" section contains spoilers for Season 1: Odyssey.]**

*"Whatever revs your engine, as long as I get to drive the car..."*

Robert Wilson is a PC in the At the Mountains of Dadness sidequest. He is a line producer at Father's Own Studios. He dreams of one day being a stuntman. He is the paternal grandfather of Darryl Wilson. He is played by Matt Arnold.

## Description

> *"Robert - or Robbie, or Rob... is a cowardly line producer who, deep down, wishes he was a stuntman. 'Cause his dad was a war hero, so he wishes he could be as cool as him." - Matt's description*
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### Appearance

Robert, according to Matt, is "small and as ugly as you can make it". In the telegram that the Tennessee train conductor receives, Robert is described as the "extremely ugly man" in their group.

### Personality

Robert is meek and avoids conflict as much as possible. He cares about his girlfriend, Sally, very much. He plans to propose to her. He is a "very sweaty boy".

## At the Mountains of Dadness

### Chapter 1: Casting Call of Cthulhu

Robert is a mild-mannered, unintimidating, and overly cautious man who desperately wishes he wasn't. He attempts several times throughout this episode to intimidate others into doing what he wants, but is never successful. He talks about his girlfriend, Sally, often. He calls her twice in one day: once while she's at work to ask her for some advice, and once on the way to Los Angeles to let her know that he won't be home for dinner.
During the fight with Gertrude at the editing suite, Robert is too terrified to enter the room. He runs away without helping the rest of his party. He very much regrets this and apologizes for it multiple times.

After Stud is blinded, Hildy drives the group to the hospital. After this, Robert insists on being the group's designated driver instead because Hildy drives erratically and drinks while driving.

[more to be added later]

### Chapter 2: Choo Choo, Cthulhu!

At Union Station, Robert sends a telegram to Sally, telling her that he loves her.
When the crew gets on the train, Robert holds everyone's tickets so that they don't get lost.

When Robert realizes the trip to Oak Ridge will take several days, he sends Sally another telegram and tells her that he'll be gone for three days. He also clarifies that the last telegram he sent her was from him; he forgot to sign it.

When Hildy offers to use her makeup kit to hide Meryl's newfound black-and-white appearance, Robert points out that everyone else on the train is either sepia-toned or monochrome, and that maybe Hildy should instead use the makeup kit on herself, Stud, and Robert. Hildy gives Robert an exceptionally convincing monochrome makeover.

The crew discusses what they should do for the next three days on the train. Robert encourages the group to relax and not cause trouble.

When Robert discovers Hildy's true identity, he tries to get her to return the paycheck she received from Father's Own Studios for her work as a makeup artist. Hildy tells him that she earned the money, and also that she's spent it, so Robert relents.

Hildy encourages Meryl and Robert to investigate on the train because they pass as monochrome, but Robert is reluctant; if something goes wrong, they'll be trapped on the train. Meryl criticizes Robert for his cowardly insistence that they do nothing during their time on the train. Eventually, Robert convinces everyone to get some rest and sleep for a few hours.

When the train arrives in Albuquerque, Robert sends Sally a telegram explaining that the trip is three days one-way, so he'll actually be back in five days.

The group decides to sneak into the sleeper car to steal the script for *The Heart's Greatest Desire* while most of the passengers are in the dining car for breakfast. Robert suggests that they block off the sleeper car somehow, but Hildy points out that it'll look suspicious if someone wants to re-enter the sleeper car. When Stud suggests they replace the original script with a fake, Robert presents his copy of the *Blue Planet* script.

While Meryl and Hildy sneak into the sleeper car, Robert and Stud create a distraction in the sleeper car. Robert reveals that he's worried about Meryl and Hildy. When the Conductor enters with the telegram he received in Albuquerque, Robert approaches and tries to read it. When he fails, he asks the Conductor about it directly, but the Conductor waves him off.

When the Conductor asks where Meryl and Hildy are, Robert tells him that they're "down-train" in the observation car. With the use of luck points, Robert manages to convince him and buy extra time for the Blue Planet crew.

Robert and Stud meet Hildy and Meryl in the sleeper car. Robert tells them that they need to go back into the coach car and act normal, but Hildy insists that they need to hide. After a panicked argument, Hildy convinces the group to hide in the baggage car.

The crew discovers that the door to the baggage car is locked. Robert prepares to kick the door down, but Hildy picks the lock before he does it. When they enter the car, Robert realizes that the window in the door would allow someone to see them from the ante-chamber connecting the coach car and the baggage car. As the group discusses their plans, he keeps his eyes on the window the entire time to make sure no one sneaks up on them.

The group improvises hiding spaces among the luggage. Robert pulls a truck away from the wall to create a small gap to hide in. He surrounds Stud's hiding place with a few duffel bags, then hides in the gap with Meryl.

After the Conductor leaves to go into the engine car and his two assistants exit back to the coach car, Robert locks the door to the coach car. He convinces the group that they should use this opportunity to isolate the Conductor and "rough him up".

When Stud asks why the group should be afraid of the monochrome people if they're all working on the movie, Robert reminds him that all of the sepia-toned and monochrome people keep taking about the strange ideas of unavoidable entropy and "seeing the truth".

As they prepare to ambush the Conductor, Robert finds rope to tie him up. He also takes Hildy's two-shot Derringer pistol. Robert tries to come up with a cool line to say when he holds the gun to the Conductor's head, but ultimately goes with "If you move, I have a gun!"

Robert starts tying the Conductor up with the rope he found. He also searches his body and finds nothing but the telegram, which warned the Conductor about the *Blue Planet* crew. Robert is sad when he realizes that he is the "extremely ugly man" the telegram referred to.

Before Robert finishes tying up the Conductor, he breaks his own skull and neck on Meryl's shotgun before standing up. After watching this display, Robert is doubtful that shooting the Conductor will actually do anything. Despite this, he shoots the Conductor in the head.

Meryl undergoes a bout of paranoia and swings his shotgun at both Robert and the Conductor, but misses. The Conductor tries to attack Robert, but Robert shoots him again and takes off one of his ears.

Robert grabs Stud and drags him out the door into the ante-chamber between the engine car and the baggage car. Meryl follows the two of them and tries to attack them, but fails.

Robert debates whether or not he should cut the engine car loose from the rest of the train. If he does, the engine car will quickly outpace the other cars. He realizes the ante-chamber is attached to the baggage car, so the four investigators must either jump to or enter the engine car to avoid getting left behind. He also realizes that actually separating the cars is incredibly dangerous; he will have to open one of the side doors, lean outside the train, and pull the lever that keeps them connected. Robert is frightened, but the group encourages him by reframing it as a "stunt".

Robert opens the door to the outside of the train. The moment the wind hits him, he flashes back to his earliest memory: falling out of a boat, the wind of a storm hitting him in the face, his parents drowning, and something lurking in the water. This flashback forces him to make a sanity check, which he succeeds. He successfully grabs the level, yanks it down, and separates the two cars.

Hildy goes to run for the engineer car, but Robert convinces her to stay by the door and hold the Conductor back. Stud tries to jump across the gap but almost falls. Robert successfully jumps across, grabs Stud's hand, and pulls him to safety. The two of them enter the engine car and exit initiative.

### Chapter 3: Nuclear Family

[Description of Robert's actions in this episode.]

## After the Campaign

By the end of the campaign, Robert has been driven insane by looking inside the box that contained The Doodler. He mindlessly offered it a handshake. The Doodler took his hand and engulfed him. Robert never found out that he was a father. His fiancé, Sally, took his last name and had a son named Frank. Frank then had a son named Darryl.
## (Grand)Dad Facts

* Chapter 1: Robert has three cats named Bob, Robert, and Robbie. He also has a steady girlfriend, Sally.
* Chapter 2: Robert's favorite movie is Harold Lloyd's *The Freshman* bc he loves the funny slapstick and stunts. Robert's least favorite movie, also by Harold Lloyd, is *Safety Last!* because because he "hates that message".
* Chapter 3: Robert's girlfriend, Sally, is pregnant, but Robert doesn't know it yet. (Matt says this fact because he "doesn't think Robert's gonna find out at the end of this.")

## Other Facts

* A "free" Dad Fact from the first episode is that Robert doesn't mind the nicknames Rob and Robbie, but hates being called Bob.
* Robert has worked as a line producer at Father's Own Studios for 11 years.
* Robert can drive, but doesn't have a car.
* Robert is nose-blind and cannot smell anything.
* Robert often refers to his girlfriend as "My gal Sally".
* Robert believes that Sally's job is much more important than his.
* Robert doesn't mind that Sally has untoward feelings about Meryl Streep.
* Robert was the PA that Gertrude Von Strumph infamously threw coffee on for interrupting her while she was editing.
* Robert thinks Griffith Park is romantic.
* Robert, like the rest of the party, smokes. (It's 1939. Of course he does.)
* Robert drives 5 miles under the speed limit.
* Robert hates the horror stories that Sally reads, but doesn't mind her reading them because it means they can cuddle.
* Robert doesn't like Charleston Chews.
* Robert never went to college.
* Robert's father was in the army. He is assumedly the person who taught Robert how to shoot a gun.
* Robert's parents died in a shipwreck on the way to America from Great Britain. He was five years old.

## Quotes

* (As an excuse for how Stud lost his eyes) "Boys will be boys!"
* "I'm not just a train virgin..."
* "As my dad used to say... 'Why stand when you can sit, and why sit why you can lay down, and why lay down when you can sleep,' guys?"
* "The sex number is ten... It's the penis and the vagina."
* (To The Doodler) "I knew you were gonna come back for me."
* Last words: "Hi, buddy, what's your name? I'm Robert Wilson, nice to meet you."