Costco 2 with Excalibur

"Dogdoughbarkfest: Costco 2 with Excalibur" is Episode 322 of *Doughboys*, hosted by Mike Mitchell and Nick Wiger. "Dogdoughbarkfest: Costco 2 with Excalibur" was released on October 14, 2021.

## Synopsis

Excalibur (*AEW Dynamite*, *AEW Rampage*) joins the 'boys for **Dogdoughbarkfest** to discuss wrestling and Jacksonville eats before a review of Costco. Plus, a shocking edition of Breaking Chews.

## Nick's intro

"*I came to Jim Sinegal once and I said, 'Jim, we can't sell this hot dog for a buck fifty. We are losing our rear ends,' and he said, 'if you raise the f--ing hot dog, I will kill you. Figure it out.*'"

This quote by club-store CEO, W. Craig Jelinek, recalling a conversation with founder Jim Sinegal, as first reported by Todd Matthews of *425 Business*, has repeatedly gone viral over the years. The good-humored directness of Sinegal's language is arresting, but even more so in an age of cynical, bottom-line-only corporate behavior, as the founders focus not only on profits, but on the consumer.

Whether calculated or not, this customer-forward approach has helped the big box store accumulate a fiercely loyal membership, and it has a similarly loyal workforce in the famously high-turnover retail sector. The chain's minimum wage was increased to $16 an hour in early 2021, and more than half of its employees make at least $25 an hour.

The chain is known for its value-conscious and ever-changing selection of goods: bulk items like gallon-sized mustard jugs and 30-packs of paper towels, alongside an eclectic mix of errata, like activewear, sectionals, and laptops; plus, an occasional obscene luxury like a $17,000 bottle of whiskey.

But the stores are just as known for their prepared food, from the free samples (which have obviously taken a backseat in the age of COVID) to enormous rotisserie chickens to the food court - where that famous buck-and-two-quarters hot dog/soda combo can be found.

The sausage's presence traces to a popular Hebrew National cart outside a San Diego store of absorbed former competitor, Price Club, and, for decades, the chain in fact sold Hebrew National franks. But in 2009, looking to limit costs while retaining quality, the company began manufacturing its own Kirkland Signature dogs.

The gambit paid off, and today, long lines still stream from its food courts from open to close, with famished shoppers hoping to grab some post-spree pizza, chicken bakes, and churros - but mostly hot dogs: an absurd value from a brand built on absurd values.

To again quote CEO Jelinek, "*By having the discipline to say you are not going to be able to raise your price, you have to figure it out. We keep it at $1.50 and make enough money to get a fair return.*"

This week on *Doughboys*, we continue **Dogdoughbarkfest 2021**, a month-long grillebration of hot dogs and pet dogs, as we return to Costco.

## Fork rating

The first time the Doughboys visited Costco, it was during the 2018 Tournament of Chompions: The Slice is Right. In the first Class Struggle region, it defeated California Pizza Kitchen. It then advanced to the second Semifinals match, where it defeated Little Caesar's. This placed in The Slice Is Right finals against Domino's and Blaze (where it came in 2nd place).

A couple years later, they reviewed Costco properly, but as a grocery store as part of Friendly Green Grocer Mitch's Grocery Store Month. It received 10 carts (5 forks) all around, and made the Platinum Plate Club.

	+ Sierra Mist
* Twisted Churro
* Cold Brew Mocha Freeze
 Mike Mitchell
	+ mustard, relish, ketchup
	+ Diet Pepsi
* Twisted Churro
* Fruit Smoothie
* Ice Cream Sundae
 Excalibur
* Chicken Bake
* Pepperoni Pizza Slice
* Twisted Churro

Excalibur shared his order with his wife. Nick took the hot-dog wiener home to his wife, just eating an empty bun.

**Spoonman's Bite of the Night** went to the Ice Cream Sundae.

Thus, with scores Costco is demoted from the Platinum Plate Club and even out of the Golden Plate Club.

(In the next episode, Mitch revises his score from 3.75 to 4 forks.)

## Let Me Be Frank 🌭

Toast bun, don't it look pretty
Suckin' on a dog like you're suckin' on a titty
Pork and beef sausages and long bread
Rollin' on a roller grill, must've been relish

One bite, it's a different world
Swap dog bites with a girl
Munch on, munch on, and chomp all night
Despite the farts, it'll be alright
That taste when the casing has snapped
Later that day, you'll for sure have to nap
As it simmers in the city
Like you're suckin' on a titty*

Frying all the time
You ain't nothin' but a hot dog
Frying all the time
You ain't never been a burger
And you ain't no lunch of mine

They said you a sandwich
Well, that was just a lie
Yea, they said you a sandwich
Well, that was just a lie
You're just a bun around a wiener
So you sure don't qualify*

Your stove's a joke, it's broke
There's nothing on your plate
It's like your fridge is full of lemon peels
When it hasn't been your taste
Your bite, your munch, or even your meal

But I'll be frank for you
When the dog starts to char
I'll be frank for you
Like I've cooked links before
I'll be frank for you
'Cause you're frank for me too*

Get busy grillin' or get busy fryin'. That's god damn right. For the second time in my life, I'm guilty of committing a crime. I put ketchup on a hot dog. And by the second time, I mean, the second time today.

Of course, I doubt anyone would throw up any roadblocks for me. Except maybe if I was in Chicago. They're really up their ass about ketchup on hot dogs.

But, I doubt even they would care. Not for an old frank like this.

I find I am so excited, I can barely sit still or hold my hot dog in my hand. I think it's the excitement only a hungry man can feel. A man at the start of a long journey who is about to eat a hot dog. I hope I can wait to eat it till it's fully cooked and I can put it on a bun.

I hope I don't see any of my tank-assed friends and see them holding out their grubby hands 'cause I only have enough franks for myself. I hope the mustard is as yellow as it has been in my dreams. I hope.. no, I frank.

In this segment, Mitch searches Google for 'hot dog' and discovers the latest news about hot dogs. They then discuss!

Today, the first story is a piece about how many hot dogs Rob Gronkowski can fit in his mouth. Nick predicts his number is 5. Turns out, Rob can put nine dogs in his mouth.

Nick used his preferred search engine, ~~Chandler~~ Bing and also found some hot-dog news.

He finds a headline about Portillo's going public, which was also mentioned briefly on last week's Let Me Be Frank; and a very sad story about a dog and a hot spring (which they refuse to mention).

Mitch mentions that 2021's top pet costumes include pumpkins, hot dogs, and superheroes. He finds a story about a Chicago hot-dog place that will offer free hot dogs for a day, if the Chicago Bulls miss the playoffs this season.

## The Feedbag

* sparkling water
* string cheese
* apples
 Mike Mitchell
* Gatorade
* water
* Snickers
 Excalibur
* beer
* booze
* pickles

## Photos

BunTwisted ChurroCold Brew Mocha Freeze and Sierra MistHot DogFruit SmoothieTwisted ChurroIce Cream Sundae