Harvey Beaks s01e01 (The Spitting Tree; Pe-Choo!)

lel I just put the whole script

(For DarkPopplio94)

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1 Harvey Harvey Harvey Oh, yeah.
Oh, this is a nice little spring shower.
Oh.
Ah! ALL: [spitting] Ph-h-h-h-uf.
Uck.
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Phew! [laughs] So, Harvey, having a good time spitting? Oh my gosh, yes.
I'm still getting the hang of it though.
Phaft.
This has been such a crazy day.
I've never spit on stuff or even been up this high before.
Attention, everybody! Thank you all so much for being here with me to share this special experience.
[applause] Uh, what? Dude, come on, this is nothing.
Me and Foo do stuff like this all the time.
Really? Oh, tell me more.
We can take you to the best place to spit in the whole forest.
[gasps] I would very much like that.
Close your eyes.
It'll be more fun.
[laughs] Okay.
[laughing] Okay, Harvey, you can open your eyes now.
[laughs] Ah! [laughing] [spitting] Isn't this great, Harvey? Oh, yeah, I love it up here.
So do you think we should go down now? You're ding-dang right we should.
Thank you for saying something sensible, Harvey.
I go first! My dad says I'm the best climber.
I'm gonna climb down this tree right now and show you.
I'm gonna Oh, geesh, Princess, be careful.
I don't want you to Ah! Bye, Princess! [screaming] Go, Princess, whoo! [screaming] I'm okay.
[crash] Uh, she's dead.
[snoring] She's fine.
She's just sleeping.
Everything's just fine.
Actually, Fee, when Princess fell, she broke off all the branches.
How are we supposed to climb down? Oh.
Princess! Princess! Please wake up! We need your help.
PRINCESS: [snoring] I know how to wake her up.
[water dripping] [spitting] Oh, gross.
Can you find the nearest adult or tall person and get them so they can come save us? I hope you stay up there forever! I hate you guys! Ah, spit on me.
I don't think she's coming back.
Well, so what? So we're stuck in a tree with no way to climb down and no one knows we're here.
Big deal, right? [crying] I always knew spitting was evil.
Why did I come up here? Why? Oh, why? [crying] Hey, stop it! Stop freaking out already.
We're not stuck, okay? I know what to do.
[whispers] Harvey, I just lied to everybody to get them to shut up.
Any ideas? What? Uh well Rooter, you know a lot about outdoorsy stuff, right? Oh, yeah.
I've gotten stuck like this before.
You know what I did to survive? I drank my pee.
Okay, well, thanks anyway, Rooter.
If only there's a way to let people know we're stuck up here.
[coughing] Oh.
What the Uh, Kratz, that's sick.
Sorry.
It happens when I get scared or nervous.
Sometimes when I sleep.
No, wait, that gives me an idea.
You guys, it's working.
We're gonna be saved.
[cheering] It's working! [coughing] And now we smell bad.
Harvey, what do we do? I don't know.
I guess we really are stuck up here forever.
Ah, ah, ah.
[struggling] It doesn't have to be like this.
We can make this work.
We can make this work.
How? We'll stay up here and we'll start our very own society.
I'll be the city planner, because I'm good at planning stuff.
Yeah, Fee, you can be the event coordinator.
Boo.
Foo can be the garbage man.
I like garbage.
Dade can be the interior decorator.
Ah.
Oh, well, I mean, if you think I can do it, Harvey.
Rooter, you're the newscaster.
Tatembear is the financial advisor.
Perry Perry food critic.
Claire, you're book editor.
And Kratz, some other thing.
As long as we're all here together, everything's gonna be okay.
PRINCESS: Ah! Ah! Is that some kind of wounded animal? PRINCESS: Ah! It's Princess, and she brought our parents.
We're saved.
[cheering] Ah, those are the jerks that spit on me! I don't like 'em! Harvey! Hang on, buddy, we'll get your down from there soon.
Everyone stand back, I am a doctor.
And I have just the thing for the situation.
We'll use the power of crystals.
Om.
Oh, um, oh.
Okay, Princess's friends, go ahead and jump.
Whoa, whoa, hey there, Dr.
Roberts.
What if we get the kids something I don't know soft to land on? Yes, indeed, something soft like crystals.
Or a pile of leaves? Leaves? Yes.
They want us to jump? Guys, we don't have to do this.
We can stay here.
Our society? There aren't enough babes in your society.
I miss my toaster oven.
Yeah, I wanna go home.
All right, we're out of here.
Whoo.
Okay, bye, Kratz.
Ah! Whoo! Hey, Mrs.
Beaks, sup? Come on, Claire.
Ah! One, two Wait, Dade.
You'll stay with me, right? Uh, don't get me wrong, Harvey.
You know there's nothing I'd like more than to make a beautiful life with you, my friend.
But I've got a family down there and a life to live.
And so do you.
I'll never forget you, Harvey-y-y-y-y.
What's the matter, dude? You scared? What? No.
No, I'm not scared.
You look scared.
I'm not! Great, jumping from up here is gonna be awesome.
Dude, come on.
C-c-coming.
R-r-r-r-ready to go.
All right, on three.
One, two, three.
Harvey! HARVEY: I can't.
Kids! Are you two all right? Where's Harvey? You'd think I'd see his big old head in this.
He didn't jump.
[thunder rumbling] Well, I guess I'll have to be the event coordinator.
And the financial advisor.
And the interior decorator.
Hi, Harvey! Ah, Foo! What are you doing back up here? You didn't think we'd leave our favorite dork stranded up in a tree, did ya? But I Oh, yeah, your parents wanted me to give you this.
Sorry, my hair kinda made it all crumply.
HARVEY: My mom and dad.
I lied earlier about being scared.
Yeah, I kinda figured that out.
Look, dude, if you wanna stay up here, that's cool.
And if you jump down, that's cool, too.
Either way, we'll be here with you.
Yep.
Cool.
[thunder rumbling] Okay, let's go.
You scared? Yeah.
But I'm ready to go home.
FOO: Harvey! FEE: Open your eyes! [laughing] See, Harvey, it's more fun with your eyes open.
Whoo-hoo! This is awesome! [laughing] Ah! [laughs] [laughs] [spits] [laughs] ALL: [laughing] I did it.
Mom, Dad, did you see that? I thought I was gonna poop in my pants, but I didn't poop in my pants.
That was crazy.
It was so fun.
I don't ever wanna do it again, but it was so fun.
Glad to be out of that tree.
I wish they were still in it.
Agh! Dad, they spit on me again! Get me some crystals! Dup, dup, duepy, duepy, duepy Dup, dup, duepy, duepy, duepy Dup, dup, duepy, duepy, duepy Dup, dup, duepy, duepy, duepy Dup, dup, duepy, duepy, duepy Ba, ba, da, bat [scatting] Bum, bum, bada, bada ALL: [scatting] Ba-ba-ba, da-ba-da, ba Ba-da-dum-dee-bum-da, boo, doo-pe Bada, bee-da, ba, ba, boh Duda, tema, dah, boo, doo, doo Dup, dup, dup, doo, doo, doo-up So, what do you guys want to show me? Foo and I were down here yesterday throwing sticks at folks, and something super cool happened.
You saw a robot boat? A what? A robot boat.
Is that a boat full of robots or a boat that's also a robot? I wanna see a robot boat.
Yeah, me, too! It's not Is a pirate ship? You were there, you know what happened.
Oh, yeah, it was that no, I forgot.
Well, just go in the water.
Last one in is a rotten egg.
[laughing] Now what? [splash] Whoo! Oh my gosh! You weren't kidding.
That was amazing! Wait, how come I'm still in the water? Hey! How come you're still in the water? I don't know.
But this time it's gonna work.
I know it.
[splash] What's going on? How come I'm not getting to go pe-choo with you guys? DADE: Because of this.
The twins are banned from the lake.
No one wants them here.
They're stinky.
And they misbehave.
And they make everyone uncomfortable, so they got banned from the lake.
And I'm glad! I'm glad they got banned.
You take that back, Dade! Those are my friends you're talking about! You keep hanging out with them, and you're gonna get banned, too.
And I don't wanna live in a world where you get banned.
If I get banned, does that mean I get to pe-choo? Well, yeah, but no! No, don't do it, no! For the love of Mike, don't do it.
Harvey, no! Oh gosh! I don't even know who you are anymore.
[buzzer sounds] Dup, dup, duepy, duepy, duepy Dup, dup, duepy, duepy, duepy No, dude, you're doing it wrong! Foo, go show him! [buzzer sounds] [ground grumbling] I am the spirit of Wetbark Lake.
Who dares ring the mystic doorbell of ugh, come on, really? It's you two brats? I thought my sign made it clear.
You are not welcome here.
Well I can't read, so phlupth! Rude! Just rude! HARVEY: Um, excuse me, Mr.
Lake Spirit.
Yes, hello, over here, sir.
I would also like to get banned from the lake.
Look, kid, I only ban trouble from the lake.
I'm totally trouble.
No, that thing is trouble.
I'll be done in a minute.
[splash] See? Banning is serious business.
And trust me, no one is going to complain about a nice, sweet, well-behaved boy like you.
Enjoy yourself.
That guy is a real noodle.
He's wrong.
I am gonna be trouble.
And you guys are gonna show me how.
Ha! Cracka-lacka! Okay, the best way to get on someone's nerves is to just stare at him.
Really? Because that doesn't sound like it would like it would FEE: And if you wanna ratch it up, add some breathing.
[heavy breathing] Now go out in that lake and annoy some people! Yeah! [heavy breathing] Ugh, stop it.
Look, no offense, Jeremy, but your card tricks are terrible.
I can't all right, I just can't handle it anymore.
Find someone else to practice on.
Hey, Jeremy.
I'm just gonna stare at you.
Ah-h-h! Ah! Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere.
I'm just gonna keep staring.
Ah! That went great.
Jeremy's such a nice dude.
No, that did not go great.
But I I stared just like you guys said.
Does it seem like that guy's mad at you? Ah! Ah-ah! Maybe I can get banned without upsetting anyone.
You wanna do the awesome pe-choo thing or not? [laughs] Ha! I will die if I can't do it.
Then you gotta step it up.
Get out there and make noise.
Be annoying! [sighs] Man, this place is dead.
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la That was stanky.
Oh, make a mess! Yeah, that could work.
But you gotta go big.
Go pick up every loose bit of crude you find lying around and dump it in the water.
Won't that ruin swimming for everyone? Duh! That's the point, dude.
[laughs] Ha! I gotta go think about this.
Mm.
Oh, that's it.
You want us to do what? Tattle on Harvey so he gets in trouble.
No way are we gonna do that! Harvey is a being of perfect goodness.
He's all that's right with this world.
I'm not gonna tattle on him.
I have a question.
Why is Foo wearing a sweater on his head? FOO: It's slimming.
Look, you can either do this because Harvey is our friend and friends do things to make each other happy.
Or because if you don't, I'll let Foo do something really gross to you.
I'm gonna lick your eyeballs.
[slurping] What is wrong with you two? [struggling] Uh, this it.
All I gotta do is dump this stuff.
Ugh! No, no, it's everywhere.
Who did this? Who ruined our good times? I did it! Me! Harvey Beaks! I hope you're proud of yourself, you monster! Now I claim my great reward.
Pe-choo! My body rises high, but my heart has sunk so low.
[fireworks exploding] Daddy, look at the pretty fireworks.
No, son, those are fireworks of shame.
Turn your eyes away.
I'm doing this on my terms.
[buzzer sounds] Who dares ring the mystic doorbell of oh, come on, we've been through this already.
One last time.
Please ban me.
Yes, I did things.
Things I'm not proud of.
But I'm done with your mind games.
Uh-huh.
I'm not gonna get everyone mad at me.
I'm not that kinda guy! And I don't wanna be that kind of guy! [indistinct chatter] He eats his boogers.
He's a crumb bum.
A booger eating crumb bum? Me? He's a burpy jerk face.
Sorry, Harvey.
He um, he makes me feel bad about myself.
Oh, man, I'm out of control.
He's, uh he's just a bad dude.
He's just bad.
He's a bad dude.
He's bad.
Wow, kid, I was wrong about you.
It seems like nobody wants you here.
Good work, dudes.
We made Harvey real happy.
Oh, man, I I just wanted to go pe-choo! And now my friends hate me.
[crying] I'm an empty shell of a person! Whoa! Ah! Look at the monster, everyone! Look at him! Harvey, wait, are you okay? HARVEY: Ah! Uh, is this normal? No.
He usually just cries a lot when he gets upset.
And apparently gets naked? And there go the pants.
Ah, ah, ah! Hey, hey, hey, hey! You need to stop this! Ah! You're only embarrassing yourself.
Ah! Uh! You dare give me the butt.
Okay, that's kind of awesome.
Ah! Is he dead? Ah! All right, you're banned.
Stay out of my lake.
Ah! [indistinct chatter] What have I done? HARVEY: [moaning] No one was really upset.
Your friends lied to help you out.
So I'm not a monster? Don't ask stupid questions.
Cool.
I can see your tush.
[splash] Whoo! Whoo! This was a terrible idea! Ah!
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