Dawn of Madness

Dawn of Madness is the seventh chapter in the Wombles Six.

Suddenly Cathy’s phone rang. She answered it.  “Hello?”  The reply was someone singing “Dadadaladadadadadaladadaladadaladadaladadaladadaladadaladadaladadala!  Dadaladada!” Cathy was confused.

Steed’s phone rang. “Hello?” “Nanananananananananananananananana!” Steed was confused.

“Who’s speaking?” said Steed and Cathy at the same time.  The one ringing Cathy just ended the call.  The one ringing Steed said, “Meowykins!”

Suddenly a sword poked through the roof.  A circle of the ceiling fell and a rope hanged down.  Steed and Cathy climbed up it and found themselves on a roof with Meowykins and Meowywhite.  They fell off and landed on a trampoline.  They bounced back to the ranch.

Cathy turned the TV on. It came on on TBN.

“Welcome to It’s Supernatural!  With Sid Roth!”

The screen showed Sid behind a desk with a woman on the other side.  “Welcome back” said Sid.  “Today I’m talking to Katy Perry!”  The woman on the other side of the desk started talking.  “Are you an alien?” she said.

“Well obviously not!” replied Sid.  “But you must be!” said Katy.  “Why?” “Because it’s supernatural!”  Katy suddenly started singing.  “You’re an alien!  Your touch so foreign!  It’s supernatural!  Ex-“

Cathy changed the channel. This time it was a Lloyd’s Bank advert with a black horse running along.

Suddenly Katy Perry appeared on top of the horse.  She started singing.  “So you wanna play with magic?  Boy, you should know what you’re falling for!  Baby, do you dare to do this? ‘Cause I’m coming at ya like a dark horse!”

Cathy changed the channel again.  This it time was the news.  They were talking about a fireworks display.  Suddenly  Katy Perry appeared in the audience and started singing.  “Baby you’re a firework!  Come on, show ‘em what you’re worth!  Make ‘em go ah ah ah!”

Cathy changed the channel yet again.  This time it was a programme about a zoo.  Suddenly Katy Perry appeared in the Tigers enclosure and started singing.  “I got the eye of the tiger!  Dancing through the fire!  ‘Cause I am a champion!  And you’re gonna here me roar-or-or-or-or-or-or-or!”

Cathy changed the channel AGAIN.

“This is how we d-“

Channel changed.

“This is the part of m-“

Channel changed.

“Don’t be afraid to c-“

Channel changed.

Eventually Cathy kicked the TV and broke it.  “Isn’t there a single thing on without Katy Perry in it?” she shouted.

Mrs Peel suddenly woke up underground.  “WHAT?” she screamed.  “WHO DID THIS?”  Suddenly she saw the end of a shovel next to her.  It dug her up.  “Oh hello” said the person holding the shovel.  “Who are you?”  “Peel. Mrs Emma Peel.” Replied Mrs Peel. “I’m Katy Perry” said the person holding the shovel.  “Oh” said Mrs Peel and stood up.  “Can you help me catch the wombles?”  “What on earth are wombles?” asked Katy. “Wombles.” Replied Mrs Peel. “Well, I gathered that!” replied Katy. Mrs Peel hit her. She re-buried Mrs Peel & went off to the SSE Arena, Wembley to perform.

After breaking the TV & shouting in frustration, Cathy had gone to the SSE Arena to see if there might be a good show there. “WHAT!” she yelled when she saw Katy on the stage. Then the seat automatically chained her to it. It was programmed to do that when the person sitting there said anything that was offensive to Katy. Cathy sighed & just watched the show.

For a while, there was a video recording of a man singing. Then Katy started singing the chorus. “Why would I be afraid to catch fish!” yelled Cathy. The chains tightened. “That’s not what I said!” yelled back Katy. “I said don’t be afraid to catch FEELS!” “But that doesn’t make any sense!” shouted Cathy. “Yes it does!” shouted back Katy. Then she continued singing. “I know you ain’t afraid to catch feels!” After that lyric, Cathy noticed something weird again. “You knew they were a bitty bob?” she asked. “No!” shouted Katy. “I know they ain’t afraid to pop pills!” “Oh.” Said Cathy.

Later…Katy was now singing a very immoral song. “Pictures of last night ended up online, I’m screwed! It’s a blacked-out blur but I’m pretty sure it ruled! Damn! Last Friday night!...” The audience’s eyes closed against their will. Cathy’s chains undid. They all went to Katy, who was still singing her immoral hypnosis song. “We love you, Katy!” they said in the creepy voice of hypnosis victims. “What is the law?” demanded Katy. “Do what thou wilt is the whole of the law!” chorused the former concert audience. “What do you have to ask me?” asked Katy slyly. “What are our mistress’s commands?” asked the former concert audience. “Well, first of all, I would like you to know that I recently replaced Tara Keel as head of SCAR. But I aim higher. I intend to be Queen Katy Perry, as well as head of SCARE. Forget saying my whole real name, I will not be Kathryn Hudson. In this scheme, I wish to kill Mr Teddy Bear & John Steed plus more. Will you join me in my scheme?” “We are ever in your command, Your Majesty!” said the hypnosis victims. Katy laughed evilly.