Episode 3: World Wide Rainforest

https://globehell.libsyn.com/

## Episode Summary

We are back to discuss our big new plan to change the ecosystem and the environment and the air: WORLD WIDE RAINFOREST!!!

## Idea Details

* Idea: World Wide Rainforest
* Creator of idea: Drew
* Purpose of idea: Today's topic is a topic that's very near and dear to my heart. It's about Mother Nature and it's about Mother Earth and it's about Global Earth and it's about World Wide Rainforest. I feel like when I was growing up as a kid, we always heard about the Amazon rainforest and how it was being destroyed and how it was being chopped down to build shopping malls. But we don't hear so much about that anymore, we hear more about global warming, which of course is a terrible thing. I think there are just so many issues plaguing the world environmentally that we don't focus on the rainforest, and I think if we were able to integrate the rainforest into our everyday life a little bit more, and for us to utilize rainforests in different ways, I feel like a lot of these other environmental issues would be alleviated in some way. And World Wide Rainforest to me is - imagine New York City, except a little bit more like a jungle because there's going to be - now I want you to picture vines going down the buildings, I want you to picture on the tops of the roofs I want you to picture miniature little jungles, like if you've seen any like rooftop gardens before? These would be rooftop jungles. They would have jungles on the top of the buildings.
* Timetable: World Wide Rainforest will need to start as soon as possible. It will be enacted by overthrowing all current world governments and then everyone pitching in to plant enough trees for World Wide Rainforest. By 2021, we will be in good enough shape to get started on it.
* Idea details:
	+ Under World Wide Rainforest, there will no longer just be Amazon rainforest, there will also be New York City Rainforest and Calgary Rainforest, for instance.
	+ The air will be even more fresh under World Wide Rainforest because the trees filter out the toxins from the air which replace CO2 to create oxygen so you'd be able to breathe a lot easier and smoke more because your lungs are able to take more of a hit because your lungs are not being impacted as much by smog and toxins in the air like from chemtrails and that sort of thing.
	+ World Wide Rainforest will be implemented with World Wide Rollout, whereby it will be implemented everywhere in the world all at once.
	+ The purpose of World Wide Rainforest is to look nice, reduce toxins in the air, and stabilize the world's climate.
	+ There will be aquariums under World Wide Rainforest, just like there are now.
	+ A day in the life of an exceedingly average white male like Drew under World Wife Rainforest would involve Drew waking up in his multi-section tree mansion that he built with money from the $19.5 billion WWD that Globe Hell Warning makes as profit each month from World Wide Lottery, then looking out, then checking in with his chimp tree butler who lives with him and will bring him the daily newspaper which is berry juice-stained printed on leaves, then Drew puts on his loincloth, all while chain-smoking Marlboro Reds, then swing down on a vine over to his job as something like a park ranger or conservationist where he spends time playing with and teaching animals because he loves animals, then he will swing on vines to head back to his tree mansion high up in the trees, then he will eat dinner that was prepared by his wife who will have her own name and will be a human woman, then Drew will [REDACTED] with his wife, then they will clean up the mess with leaves, then they will go to bed.
		- Note: Presumably everyone in the world's lives will be similar to Drew's, though without the tree mansion that he pays for with his World Wide Lottery profits.
	+ There will be an inherent class system in place under World Wide Rainforest between humans and animals, where animals will still be seen as lesser than humans. Some animals will be servants to humans, but they will be given the luxury of living in homes with their human masters. In this way, they will actually be superior to other animals.
	+ Deforestation due to tobacco farming will be of no concern under World Wide Rainforest because of how big a stockpile of cigarettes there must be by now.
	+ It will be moral for Drew to have a chimp butler despite the chimp not speaking English because the chimp nodded, signaling his understanding and approval of his servitude. Drew will pay him in bananas and will "treat it good" and "treat it like I treat myself".
	+ Drew will eat a different meal for dinner every night of the year, never repeating. This is because there is so much different food and grubs available in World Wide Rainforest.
	+ There will still be internet and TV in World Wide Rainforest, you'll just live in a tree now.
	+ You will still be able to get pesticides and pest control from Canadian Tire or any other hardware stores. You will also be able to kill the animals in World Wide Rainforest.
	+ You will still be able to get drive-thru McDonald's and throw your trash on the ground, or strangle a koala with your bare hands in World Wide Rainforest. You don't have to put out your campfires when camping, you can just walk away and leave your fire going because it won't matter in the tree-for-all of World Wide Rainforest.
	+ You will be able to hunt animals or mount them on your walls as a status symbol.
	+ Mounting animals in a non-hunting sort of way will still be outlawed because animals cannot consent. However, their consent is assumed and permitted when it comes to their employment and payment in bananas, which are sort of like chimp dollars.

## Notable Events

* Drew revealed that he doesn't listen to the episodes before releasing them.
* Josiah and Drew discussed plans to create lyrics that describe Globe Hell Warning over the intro music for each episode.
	+ Note: This never came to fruition.
* Drew established that he will speak in a Cockney British accent when he's speaking to the audience to distinguish from his regular Calgary accent for when he speaks to Josiah.
	+ Note: This was never repeated again.
* Drew revealed that he had never jerked off prior to this episode.
* Josiah and Drew watched videos of people eating at the Rainforest Café in Animal Kingdom at Disney World.
* Josiah and Drew discuss the differences between garden, jungle, and rainforest.
	+ Garden is simply small plants, the biggest being maybe tree.
	+ Jungle and rainforest is trees and upwards and they also include different animals like lions, monkeys.
	+ Jungle becomes rainforest when it rains there, but rainforest can never become jungle. Once jungle becomes rainforest, it will be rainforest from then onward.
	+ In forest it never rains, because the trees protect it from the rain.
* Drew revealed his lifelong dream to wear a loincloth and swing on vines.
	+ Note: This is likely a reference to either *Tarzan* or *George Of The Jungle*.
* Josiah and Drew read off some information Drew found about rainforests on kidsmangabay.com.
* World Wide Rollout
* Josiah and Drew discuss which cigarette brands would be the best to chain-smoke considering how clean the air will be under World Wide Rainforest.
* World Wide Rainforest Café

## Notable Quotes

### Josiah

* "Is there a lot of wildlife in your home right now?"
* "The environment has become something of an unvironment, is what I think."
* "Some people on our Libsyn page were saying rude things and also plugging their own Venmo page in order to."
* "So you were saying that when you were a child, you used to care that the Amazon was burning down, but now you don't care anymore."
* [After Drew said the word 'alleviated'] "A-leaf-ated. And if you ate the leaves, you'd be a-leaf-ated."
* [After watching a video of a Rainforest Café] "So basically if we can take anything from this video, it's that we know that when the world becomes a World Wide Rainforest, it's not gonna change - our day-to-day lives can stay the same as we can have crab and chicken and cheese stick, but we'll just be eating inside of a rainforest is what you're saying."
* "So even in the realm of the Rainforest Café, the birthday songs will also be similar to your average chain restaurant where it's kind of grandfathered in before *Happy Birthday* became in the public domain. They could just sing *Happy Birthday* now, is that - are we on the same page here?"
* "Well he could be dead if it was written this morning. That's the scary thing about death is that it could strike at any moment. And it will."
* "I mean everyone could be dead. Everyone listening to this could have dropped dead by now."
* "So you're saying the Amazonian people don't have a culture is what you're saying?"
* "OK so we put the trees on the roof of the Empire State Building. How does that help me at the end of the day? When I'm filing my taxes at the end of the year, how does that help me that there's a tree on top of the Empire State Building?"
* "So that's a good point about chemtrails because how do we maintain the quality of the rainforest from bugs eating leaves. We need probably some pesticides and so I think we should maybe talk to the people who are in charge of chemtrails and ask them to maybe switch from carcinogens to spraying the Earth with pesticides to protect the rainforest leaves from bugs."
* "There are certain toxins - toxic people that I've been meaning to lower or cut out entirely in my life."
* "So there's still a regular toilet? It's not like a - in your fantasy land, it's not some sort of - you're not shitting into a pelican's mouth?"
* "You could save a lot of money and go with something a bit harsher like a Pall Mall because the air is so crystal clear. It's not gonna hurt you."
* [On the topic of Drew's wife possibly being an animal instead of a human woman] "Cause I'll be checking birth certificates at this point. I'm realizing my job in this future era is I'm gonna have to be sort of a careful watchdog on people like you who are getting a little too close to the creatures for comfort. And just kind of making sure that humans are being treated like humans, animals are being treated like animals, etc. I don't like these blurred lines so much."
* [On the topic of Drew's wife who is a human woman and not an animal] "What's she wearing? Does she have a loincloth? Is she wearing a split coconut up top?"
* "Your idea of World Wide Rainforest is just plants and more trees somewhere."
* "OK I think I misunderstood this as being a very sort of environmentally-minded thing. But what you're basically proposing is like because Mother Nature is dying, the Earth is in a precarious place, you're proposing we keep everything about society exactly the same or even less rules but we just create more nature and then we can still do whatever we want to any of it."
* "So I'm asking on your behalf, but if there are no rules, what about the idea of mounting an animal in a less hunting sort of way, if you catch my drift."
* [On the topic of Drew paying his chimp butler in bananas] "Not only is that so obvious of a thing for you to say, but I think at this point when a monkey hears that, they gotta just shake their head, it's just so played out stereotype."
* "I fear for any animals that are currently in your life and how they're treated, and I hope that when we give them more free rein over the Earth that they're able to stand up for themselves to people like you. And I look forward to learning the name of your wife."

### Drew

* "Shut the fuck up, Josiah."
* " 'Ello guvnah."
* "That's the sound it makes when you jerk off, Josiah?"
* [On the topic of his thoughts on Globe Hell Warning] "Well yeah the podcast I think is great, and I think a lot of people agree, except for the people who commented on our page."
* [On the topic of whether he cares that the Amazon is burning down] "Well in a way, I don't."
* "I hate Mount Rushmore."
* [On the topic of wanting World Wide Rainforest so he can wear nothing but a loincloth] "Well that would be part of it. I'd like to be able to swing on vines, I would love to live in some sort of treehouse, that's true. So there are 100% selfish reasons."
* "Well this was written April 1st, 2019 so this information could be fake, and this person could now be dead."
* [On the topic of appropriating the culture of the Amazonian people] "We're not taking the culture, we're simply taking the trees."
* "Do you really think that you would ever get over waking up and looking out your window and seeing a lion walking down the street or a monkey swinging through the vines?"
* "Do you ever see just a dog walking around and think 'Ooh that's a - look at that dog. That's a nice looking dog. Not sexually.' Do you ever say that to yourself?"
* [On the topic of a gorilla smoking a cigarette] "He's thinking about smoking. He's thinking about - he's thinking 'Man this air is nice. I can take a hit.'"
* "I'm gonna be smokin pretty much every moment that I'm awake, while I'm brushing my teeth, in the shower, just about doing anything that you can imagine."
* "I'm friends with you."
* [On the topic of Drew's wife's unknown name] "I'm not naming her. She's gonna have her own name. I want her to have her own name. I want her to choose."
* [On the topic of being able to do whatever you want to nature in World Wide Rainforest] "Sure, because there will be more of it, Josiah. We'll be able to take it for granted."
* [On the topic of mounting an animal in a non-hunting sort of way] "Uh I think it's wrong. I don't think the animal can consent."
* [On the topic of paying his chimp butler in bananas] "They seem happy. It seems happy."
* [On the topic of referring to his chimp butler as an 'it'] "It's not a person, Josiah, it's a chimp."
* "Any other questions, dummy?"
* [In response to Josiah saying he looks forward to learning the name of Drew's wife] "And so do I."

## Trivia

* Drew can be heard jerking off at the beginning of the episode.