Scratch

### Appearance

Small sized skeleton wearing a chef's hat. Often carries a beer bottle with him.

### Played by

James Cowan

“*Let's grab some musical instruments and prepare to rock ourselves out with some sloppily and disorderly, mostly-wrong-lyrically, karaoke*.”

Scratch is a small, and often inebriated, skeleton who loves to jam out with Timesprites as well as wax philosophically about the meaning of life. He once signed a music contract with the legendary Tim Talent. The tour was to include over 57,000 stops, spread through 3,600 years. One of the stipulations was that Scratch would never be able to return to The Under.

At times Scratch has tried to give up his drinking, but his sobriety generally doesn't last.

Upon his induction to Egglandia, Scratch gifted the Queen the two thumbs of Perry the Professor, which Scratch had stolen while wasted, when Perry called him "small". All of the Professor's knowledge supposedly lies deep within the thumbs, and Scratch has no idea where the rest of Perry's body is.

### Variety Hour Act

During the Variety Hours, Scratch had his own act - though they were often done unofficially and only as a result of his kidnapping other performers to steal their spot. Eventually, The M.C. gave him his own official place in the lineup. In addition to his normal song list, he would sometimes sing his original song, *Be Like the M.C.,* based on *Fly Like an Eagle* by Steve Miller Band.

### Song Repertoire

*Ain't No Mountain High Enough* by Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell

*Ain't No Rest For The Wicked* by Cage The Elephant

*Are You Gonna Be My Girl* by Jet

*Be Like the M.C.* (original lyrics, based on *Fly Like an Eagle* by Steve Miller Band)

*Bring It On Home to Me* by Sam Cooke

*Celebration* by K.o.o.l, The Gang

*Clint Eastwood* by Gorillaz

*Everything's Gonna Be Alright* by Bob Marley

*Help Yourself* by Tom Jones

*In My Life* by the Beatles

*I Feel Good* by James Brown

*I Would Walk 500 Miles*by The Proclaimers

*Misunderstood* by Lil Wayne

*Money* by Pink Floyd

*That's Amore* by Dean Martin

*This Land is Your Land* by Woodie Guthrie

Queen Mashup *(Somebody to Love, Another One Bites the Dust, Bohemian Rhapsody)*

*What a Wonderful World* by Louis Armstrong

*You've Got to Hide Your Love Away* by the Beatles

## Relationships

* He was Amelia Earhart's navigator prior to being pulled to The Under

* He is married to **Small Golden Rose** (Timesprite), and their daughter is named **Rosie Jr.**
* He is a member of the Sweeper’s Union
* He is bonded to **Broomniece** (Broom)
* He is a member of Egglandia, the **Eggxecutive Chanshellor of New Yolk**

## Quotes

*"Come on up, doo doo doo."*

*"I'll catch you in a different here and a different now"*

*"I swear to drunk I'm not God, officer."*

*"Note to self, if you dab while holding a full drink you'll spill it all over your bones."*

*"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Under's first Variety Hour! This is going to be the least put together act of the evening, yours truly, taking it down. Thank you, it's already been a giant disaster."*

*"I gotta tell you, though, I don't have good handwriting. It's just going to look like scratches."*

*"I remember a time before the crobs. That was probably the best of times, and now we're in, meh, just a pretty good time, it's not the worst of times."*

*"We venture forth into the desert, into the sands of time itself! Time! The new frontier, the forefront frontier that comes first."*

*"That's right, babies! We're here and we're gonna take over this place one more time again!"*