Imma Be

*Todd plays "Imma Be" on his piano.*

***BLACK EYED PEAS - "IMMA BE"
A pop song review***

**Todd**: A few months back when I was still on YouTube, I released my list of my favorite pop songs of 2009.

*Clip from Top 11 Best Hit Songs of 2009* (January 17, 2010)
**Todd**: I don't make these videos because I hate pop music. I do it because I *love* pop music.
**Todd (VO)**: I did that and it was a little controversial because you're not supposed to say you like things on the Internet.

**Todd**: Especially not the things that I said I like. Among other things, I had not one *[clip of "Meet Me Halfway"]*, but two *[clip of "I Gotta Feeling"]* Black Eyed Peas songs on that list, *[back to Todd]* and I took some flak for it. You know what? They're my picks, I stand by them, I like those songs. But let me say that I get it, all right? I get it.

*Video of the Black Eyed Peas performing "Let's Get Retarded" (they're not singing "Let's Get It Started" in this particular video)*
**Todd (VO)**: The Black Eyed Peas are idiots, all of them. If one's stupidity had a name, *[Poster shows with names appearing when called]* it would be will.i.am, Fergie,...the other two guys. *[apl.de.ap is renamed Pras and Taboo is renamed Andrew Ridgeley]* They're complete idiots, all of them. There are pop stars out there who are stupider, I guess...

**Todd**: ...but few who are this aggressive about it. I mean, even on the songs I like by them, their lyrics are beyond asinine. I mean, there's not much to say about a group who can release a song called "Let's Get Retarded" and have that have some of the strongest writing of their careers. And so as a reviewer of stupid hit songs, I'm pretty much contractually obligated to take a look at their next song, "Imma Be." And it's...well, I'll say this—this is not the worst Black Eyed Peas song I've ever heard. The band that recorded *[clip of...]* "My Humps" is not gonna dig that hole any deeper, you get me. But it's still j... Let's take a listen, let's take a look.

*Video for "Imma Be Rocking That Body" starts*
**Todd (VO)**: We start the video with will.i.am presenting a new device for the recording studio.

**will.i.am**: This is what's gonna take the Peas into 3008.
**Todd**: Stop saying that.

**will.i.am**: When it's time to make a new song, I just type in the lyrics and then this thing sings it.
**Todd (VO)**: This device apparently simulates the voices of the singers, allowing will.i.am to completely automate the recording process.

**Fergie**: You're saying a machine can do anything that an artist ("artist") or a group can do. Yeah, but it's not real, will...
**Todd (VO)**: However, this new possibility is harshly received by Fergie, because God knows there's no stronger defender of organic music than Fergie Ferg.

**Todd**: I mean, I think we've all listened to her acoustic album.

*Screen shot of Fergie's solo album with "unplugged" on it. The vocal track from "My Humps" plays over the instrumental for "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas.*
**Fergie**: My hump, my hump, my hump
My hump, my hump, my hump
My lovely lady lumps
*Back to video*
**Fergie**: We're not robots!
**will.i.am**: Well, nobody said robots...
**Todd (VO)**: Angered, Fergie storms out, crashes her motorcycle, and suffers the head injury that presumably inspired this song. Let's take a listen.

**Peas**: Imma be, imma be - imma imma imma be
Imma be, imma be - imma imma imma be
Imma be, imma be - imma imma imma be
**Todd**: Well, we might as well start out with the very, very, very obvious.

*Intercut with clips of Bumblebee Man from* The Simpsons*, a commercial for Honey Nut Cheerios, the video for Blind Melon - "No Rain", and stock footage of bees, with the lyrics printed saying "I'm a bee! I'm a bee! I'm a I'm a I'm a bee!"*
**Todd (VO)**: Yeah, I'm under no impression that this is some kind of clever observation on my part. It's not clever because *everyone* has thought the same thing!

**Todd**: I'm thinkin' it, you're thinkin' it, *[Picture of Joe Biden with thought bubble "I'm a bee??"]* Vice President Biden is thinkin' it, we're all thinkin' it because it's simply what they're saying - this is the only possible way to interpret what they're saying.

**Todd (VO)**: They're saying that they're bees. They're telling us that they're big buzzing bees!

**Todd**: BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

*Clip from* The Wicker Man
**Nicolas Cage**: Oh, not the bees! Not the bees! AAAHHHHHH!!!
**Todd**: There's even a bee on the cover of the single, *[Cover of single has a bee with a two-prong plug where the stinger should be]* which I guess is because they didn't have room for a giant sign that said, *[partially cut-out sign appears reading]* "Yes, we do know better, but we did it anyway."

**Todd (VO)**: We would not be having this confusion if they added some kind of predicate or, you know, anything else to that ungrammatical incomplete phrase.

**Todd**: But it's just those two words repeated endlessly until the end of time. And the Black Eyed Peas are not the only offenders in this regard either. *[Two short clips of videos with repeated phrases, the former being Lil Wayne - "A Milli," the latter being Beyonce - "Diva"]* Man, I don't know how we got to the point where the easiest path to a hit song is just to hit you with two or three stupid words over and over and over again until you hemorrhage. I mean, didn't we use to force songwriters to write a hook of some kind?! This isn't a song, it's a YTMND!

**Sean Connery**: *["You're the man now dog.com, on screen shot of himself repeating]* You're the man now, dog! You're the man now, dog! You're the man now, dog!
**Todd (VO)**: Why is it like this? Is the song broken?

**Todd**: You wanna know how many times they repeat the phrase "Imma be" in this song? No, seriously, guess. And we're only counting, like, full repetitions here, not, like, the half-repetitions like, "Imma-Imma-Imma be." Just "Imma be," those two words repeated how many times? *A hundred and six*. (106 times.) And you have to understand, this was a #1 hit song. To get that popular, you have to...the average pop station plays this, like, 18 times a day (18 plays/day). So, you know, combine all that together times the five months I've been hearing this song (106 x 18 times/day x 5 months), plus the amount of times I made myself re-listen to this song (+ relistening) to write this review, plus the amount of times I'm gonna hear this song again while I re-edit this review (+ re-editing). All that means that by the end of this, when all is said and done, I will have heard the phrase "Imma be" infinity times five times (infinity x 5), conservatively estimated.

**Peas**: Imma be, imma be - imma imma imma be
Imma be, imma be - imma imma imma be
Imma be, imma be - imma imma imma be
**Todd (VO)**: Oh, and I love that little blast of trumpets at the end of this, as if someone had said something interesting just now.

**Todd**: Instead it's just like, "TA-DAA!!! We've wasted your time!"

**Todd (VO)**: To be fair, there are more lyrics than just "Imma be" in this song. I mean, not *good* lyrics, mind you, but other lyrics.

**Fergie**: Imma be on the next level
Imma be rockin' over that bass treble
**will.i.am**: Imma be the upgraded new negro
Imma be the average brother with soul
**Todd**: Good for you? I mean, look. "I Gotta Feeling," I liked for a number of reasons. I guess the main one's just the whole mood of the thing. I mean, "I Gotta Feeling" is a party everyone's invited to. Now "Imma Be," on the other hand, is not a party you're invited to, not that you'd wanna go if you were. The second that the Peas start bragging about themselves, I tune out. I just don't wanna hear it. I mean, if they were clever or charismatic about it, that'd be one thing. But...eeehhh?

**Fergie**: Imma imma swing it this way, (imma imma) imma imma swing it that way
**Todd**: Okay?

**Fergie**: Okay! Imma be up in them A-list flicks
Doin' one-handed flips
and imma be sippin' on drinks
**Todd**: What do you want, a medal? I mean, what am I supposed to do with the information that Fergie plans to launch a career in...filmed acrobatics? Oh, and by the way, judging from what I saw at the beginning of the video, I would not count on that acting career taking off.

**Fergie**: We're not robots!
**Todd (VO)**: Are you sure?

**Fergie**: Imma be the flyest chick (so fly)
Imma be spreadin' my wings *(note: the caption reads "wangs")*
**Todd**: Wait, what?! Ugh, I'm skipping that.

**will.i.am**: ...be in Reo rockin' Tokyo
Imma be brilliant with my millions
Loanin' out a billion, I get back a trillion
**Todd**: Wow. Rhyming million with billion, and then trillion. They're not even trying. So it is at this point that I'd like to announce the return of America's favorite game... *[Plays glissando up the piano, which ends with a chord]* FINISH THE RHYME! Yes, yes, I have never been more ready for this. I am so pumped. Let's do this!

**will.i.am**: Imma be a brother, but my name ain’t Lehman
Imma be a bank I be loanin' out \_\_\_\_
**Todd**: Oh, I...I don't know. I, uh...could be uh...this is tough. This is...freemen? G-men? Um...see...oh, no. No, no, no,

**will.i.am**: *[as Todd keeps saying "No"]* Imma be a brother, but my name ain’t Lehman
Imma be a bank I be loanin' out semen
Money's in debt baby...
*Todd covers his head and screams*

**Todd**: Why did that just happen?!

**Todd (VO)**: Did he just compare himself to a sperm bank?!

**Todd**: Why did he think that anyone wanted to hear that?! And does he realize that people also *deposit* sperm into sperm banks?! (Analogy backfire) And then, out of nowhere

**will.i.am**: Imma be up in the club
**Todd (VO)**: It turns into a completely different song. Entirely...different song. And, uh, it's unexpected and it's, uh...

**will.i.am**: Imma be rockin' like this
**Todd (VO)**: I'll be honest, it's surprisingly well-executed. I'm sure not gonna complain about it. By all means, let's get a different song in here. Anything else.

**Todd**: If I heard one more droning repetition of "Imma be," I was gonna shoot myself or something

**Peas**: Imma be, Imma be, Imma be, Imma be
*Todd screams in horror, puts a gun to his head, then under his chin, in his mouth, and shoots, but nothing happens*

**Todd**: This is not a real gun.

**will.i.am**: Why don't you put it on the blog?
Rockin' like this my job
**Todd**: Sure, let me get right on that. *[Pulls out a keyboard and types]* Dear LiveJournal: Rockin' like this his job! (Happy?)

**will.i.am**: We can’t help that we popular
And all these folks want to flock to us
*NOT A RHYME*

**Todd**: Yeah, you know what? I'll give you that one. It is not your fault that you're popular. That's society's fault.

**Peas**: Imma be livin' that good life
Imma be livin' that good good
**Todd (VO)**: You know, this part of the song is still better than the first part. It's got more energy, an actual chorus. Yeah, good thing we only gave it the last 20% of the song!

**Todd**: It's also basically an admission that they had two song concepts that weren't strong enough to stand on their own, so they jammed them both together.

**Todd (VO)**: On top of that, for the video, they actually jammed another song onto it because they couldn't let this stupid, stupid "music robot" concept go to waste. Uh, this one is called "Rock That Body." I'm not sure why it exists except to give them a chance to bust out their Destro and Sarah Palin costumes. Uh, I haven't had this song hammered into me for five months, so I don't actually know anything about it.

**will.i.am**: I wanna rock, I wanna rock yo body
I wanna go, I wanna go for a ride
**Todd (VO)**: You know, this is... this is not so bad. This is a...

**Fergie**: *[Auto-Tuned]* Rock ya body, come on come on
**Todd (VO)**: Okay, we're done.

**Todd**: I don't know what else to say about this song. It's repetitive, it's inane, and it's basically a stunning testament to the fact that the Black Eyed Peas have nothing at all to communicate with the world. I mean, is this really the message that they wanted to share with everyone when they got into music? I can't imagine. So let's just check back in with Fergie, who's apparently just fine after her accident because she absorbed all the damage with her head.

**will.i.am**: What happened?
**Fergie**: I got the greatest idea for a video.
**Todd**: And a terrible idea for a song. *[Snaps fingers]* Thank you, good night!

*Closing tag song: Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov - "Flight of the Bumblebee"*

***THE E.N.D.
"Imma Be" is owned by Interscope Records
This video is owned by me***

**Todd**: Hey, true story: Nic Cage was actually shouting "Not the *Peas*!" He can't take the Black Eyed Peas anymore either.

**Nicolas Cage**: *[against "Boom Boom Pow"]* Oh, not the bees! Not the bees! AAAHHHHHH!!! AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!