Betty

**Betty** (ベッティ *Betti*), often referred to as "Seagull-Chan" by fans, is the not-girlfriend of Brooding-Ninja-Highschool-Parkour-Scout, as well as the most useless character in the series. She is well-known for getting placed within small, highly avoidable traps. Often the conflict of episodes, seasons, sagas, movies, expanded universe novels, drama CDs, kids books, and back-of-cereal-box activities are based around rescuing her.

## History

### Backstory

Betty had a tormented past that no one cares about. She was the adopted daughter of a 60 year old milf who looked 30 and had an astonishingly big butt, which everyone in her village stared at when she walked by. Whenever Betty would be taken to school, little boys would grab, squeeze, poke or even sniff her mother's buttocks. Thankfully, her mother enjoyed the attention. Betty was bullied for her huge breasts that would jiggle and bounce all the time, getting in the way when people would try to get to places.

She then decided to leave, kissing her mother's ass one last time before abandoning the village. Her childhood friend would take care of her mother, a job which he immensely enjoyed due to getting to grab Betty's mom's buns.

Eventually, Betty settled down in the seaside Town of Matsubatsu, where she was taken in by the local strip-club owner. She began going to school at Choco Taco Academy, in spite of protests by the teachers, the administrators, and especially the janitors, but they could not actually physically stop her—the sheer largeness of her tatas proving to be insurmountable obstacle—so they let her continue to take classes until whenever she got tired of it and went away.

### First Appearance

Betty was the first of the main characters seen in the show. She is a returning student at Choco Taco Academy in her third year. Everything seems to be normal, except for a strange boy in an ill-fitting ninja hood who has been skulking around the campus and standing on rooftops. She finds out the boy's name is Brooding-Ninja-Highschool-Parkour-Scout, and he's just enrolled at the academy.

She follows the boy after school into an abandoned alley where she finds Brooding-Ninja-Highschool-Parkour-Scout battling a Hell-Satan named Cruggy. Brooding-Ninja-Highschool-Parkour-Scout handles Cruggy with relative ease, and is about to defeat him, when Cruggy notices Betty watching the fight and grabs her, taking a hostage to gain the upper hand. Brooding-Ninja-Highschool-Parkour-Scout ignores this, however, and does a very sloppy cartwheel into Cruggy, knocking the Hell-Satan off a cliff and causing him to blow up in a big fiery explosion.

Betty somehow survives the explosion and falls deeply in love with Brooding-Ninja-Highschool-Parkour-Scout, following him around everywhere he goes for the rest of the series' story. She later buries Barry Allen's face in her breasts, and lets him suck on them.

## Personality

Betty has notably little personality, sharing that much in common with the majority of her fellow main castmembers. Her primary trait is that she is in love with Brooding-Ninja-Highschool-Parkour-Scout. She tends to be whiny and squawky, unable to communicate in anything more advanced than the noises of a seagull, leading to her relatively affectionate fan-nickname, "Seagull-chan." However, she shows a great deal of care and dedication to her all-male group of friends, generally, often taking the role of party cheerleader and (ironically) communicator. In several episodes, when two or more of the Scoutlings are having a fight, Betty is usually the one to somehow bring them back together. Betty is an average student, not very studious or intelligent, but her huge bouncing, heaving breasts allow her to pass every male teacher's class with a "B+ for boobies+."

When it comes to her personality in combat, however, Betty is the single most incompetent member of the Scoutlings. Besides being utterly useless in terms of fighting power, she also blindly falls into the most obvious of traps and cannot help but be kidnapped, even on a couple of occasions by villains who had no intent of kidnapping her and "didn't even know she was there."

## Powers & Abilities

Betty has one single Power Nugget she uses to heal her friends, allies, and defeated bad guys she feels sorry for. However, it takes a long time for her to do so. So long, in fact, most people she heals bleed out and die before she can finish, so it's just as useless as the rest of her.

However, Betty has many hidden powers which are unleashed when she is the villain. She is made to use these powers when she is not lucid or under possession by the villain of the week. In these scenarios, Betty is more of a hazard than a benefit.

* *Giant Fricken Death Laser* - Available only as a villain, Betty generates a powerful Mountain Dew Radiation blast which disables the use of Power Nuggets! Only extreme willpower can allow the user to overcome this limitation, for cliche purposes. It also can completely disintegrate enemies when the authors feel like it.
* *Breast Hypnosis* - By ripping open her top to reveal her bra and huge boobs, they jiggle, hypnotizing anyone who sees them. To strengthen the hypnosis, Betty can let them cop a feel of her breasts to reinforce it.

## Voice Actors

In the English dub, Betty is voiced by Bobby. In the Japanese dub, she is voiced by Bibi.

She is also voiced by Ghostlykick as a surprise guest role, in the one time she speaks like everyone else.

## Trivia

* Betty was actually originally going to be a strong, interesting female character. But the producer, Ultra Satan, decided that simply making her a mindless, large-breasted love interest would resonate well with the "Loser Male" audience demographic. This is true, as proven by rule 34 of the internet.
	+ Surprisingly, Tumblr was okay with this.
	+ The news, however, was not ok with this and declared Betty to be the "death of literature and public television" to the four people who cared enough to tune in that day
* Her measurements are 256-12-101cm.
* She takes very good care of her teeth despite them looking like they were forged from cast iron.
* She likes listening to metal and taking long walks in Ultra-Satan-Hell.
* She is a science experiment.
	+ Betty is the reincarnation of Jergingha, and unbeknownst to the entire rest of the cast (including Betty herself), she is secretly plotting to destroy humanity. She eventually rises to power in the final saga because of this.
* She goes to the same bondage club as Bananarama-sama when drunk.
* Betty speaks in seagull cries because even if she did have a voice it would be just as useless as her. As a result, Robot Jesus took Betty's voice away long before she was born.
* Betty is the only known character to be killed five times in the same episode as seen during Season 6 Episode 251 where she is killed by Skulking-Ninja-Armored-Clown-Spy with the Unholy-but-maybe-kinda-half-holy Golden Frying Pan of Ultimate Wisdom.
* She only speaks once normally in the entire series and it is in Episode 188.