Ingred's Journal Entry 15: Lost in Thought

*The entry is written a little sloppy, but it’s easy enough to decipher. Some sketches of mushrooms can be seen in the margin of the page along with a half-assed doodle of K throwing a couch.*

Well… this has certainly been an *interesting* couple of days.

We all left for Velden after K’s Behir skull was cleaned. The trip back was fine, aside from an altercation with a flock of geese. *Stupid geese*. I’m definitely more comfortable with riding those solar vehicles now that I’ve had experience with them. I should probably not attempt any more stunts with them though, not until I’m more confident… and not until I’ve *thoroughly* checked my surroundings first!

We met up with a young gentleman named Jared who apparently saved the party during a deadly expedition. The lad was rather tipsy as he led us around Velden. I’m not sure if he’s of the proper age to drink yet, but I’m not exactly one to judge. I am, however, curious about what happened to his face. I think he’s hiding something pretty gnarly under there.

We were able to do a bit of shopping, which I am very grateful for. It’s nice to have some upgraded gear. The auction was a very *unique* experience. Those garlic balls were so damn good it’s almost infuriating. ~~I saved some for later but I should probably eat them now before they go bad~~. Nevermind they’re already bad. Dang it.

K seemed rather confused by the bathroom attendants there. He was absolutely baffled. I think I made him even more confused by trying to explain it to him. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned that they also hand out mints..? I'm looking forward to using this new sabre, surprisingly enough! I don’t think I’m ready to admit that I *shouldn’t* be wary of magic, but I think this weapon will help me understand it better. We’ll see whether it makes me more or less anxious. We’ll see. I was also able to get a new blowgun made! Now I just have to figure out how to get rid of the old one without raising any suspicion. Maybe I’ll just bury it somewhere?

Seipora was able to purchase a license for the Velden liceum before we teleported back to Gaoli so we’ll be able to get back there whenever we want. I left to speak to Press shortly upon our arrival. To my surprise, he mentioned that there were two Tarlies in Gaoli awaiting an audience with me. It was awful. To think I even dressed up proper to meet them. Are all tarlies that rude??

Attire the heir, the tiefling.

Emoi the elf. Ke’rek the human.

Iden and Ein. I’ll remember these names.

I feel terrible. I know we all promised Lily that we would be better, but I think I may have failed her already. Everyone, *everyone* is doing better. Why can’t I? What a fool I am! Skipping the group meeting to drown my sorrows was a bad idea, but returning intoxicated was even worse. I didn’t want them to see that side of me; I still don’t. I was just… angry, frustrated. Took it out on the group. I fear I have hurt both Lily and Seipora, but I don’t think I’m ready to bring it up with them. Not yet. I can’t even look them in the eye. I don’t really want to apologize… as much as my actions and words were hurtful, they were genuine. I may have to, however. At least to Lily. I don’t want to lose her as a leader.

Marisol says they all care about me. I don’t doubt her, but I’m not sure if I *want* them to care about me. I’ve seen what happens when you put too much faith in a person. I don’t want my heart to break, not again. Anyways… she was… strangely kind to me last night. Today, as well. Has she had a change of mind? I don’t know what to think, but… she seemed sincere. Came to speak with me after my spat in the common room. Said she wanted to talk poisons, but our conversation ended up being more “heart-to-heart”. (We *did* go over some reactants like buckthorn and devilberry. Apparently they don’t grow well here. Makes sense, the climate in Johnson Valley is very different than in this region).

We uh… spoke a tad bit about Aima. Not… not like I really wanted to, but… in the context of the situation, I… uh… I mentioned that… I can’t go back. I… I want to go home, trust me papa, I do. I’m sure you understand why I can’t. I didn’t go into detail with Marisol, but… if… if she shows me that I can trust her, *honestly* trust her… I may tell her. Maybe. I wonder if she will open up to me, too. Or if she’ll just backstab me. I want to believe her. I’m tired of treating her like an enemy. It uh.. It was amusing to get a reaction out of Marisol! I’ve never seen her have a positive expression before. Well, I think blushing is positive? I didn’t think she had it in her.

K also popped by to check in on me. So… I suppose Marisol is right. Again, I don't know how to feel about it. I guess it’s fine? I don’t know. K… K is cool. He’s good in my book. Side note: I don’t think I’ll be doing hallucinogens with K again. (Don’t judge me papa, I like trying new things). It was nice to have company but good lord Jonsen he totally *destroyed* his suite. Like holy crap. I think I’ll only offer him downers from now on.

We’ll be heading out to Promhull here soon. Lily woke up frozen this morning and we all scrambled to get our shit together so we could leave. Marisol and I sold a lot of items. It’s a shame that I sold my other sabre, but I’m glad that the group’s efforts paid off. Joke not intended. I’m glad that Marisol didn’t recommend I sell my old blowgun. That would've been BAD.

I’m actually pretty excited to see snow again. I think we’ll probably freeze our asses off but I’m sure I’ll still have a good time. I just hope no one gets hypothermia, but I’ll be prepared if they do. Fingers crossed I don’t have to chop anything off. I’ll probably be writing in graphite so my ink doesn’t freeze. Oh gosh, I hope my potions don’t freeze…