Damien Thorn

Damien Thorn was an American lawyer, politician and activist. He was most notable, however for his status as the antichrist and the son of Satan. Thorn was born in 1971, on June the 6th at six o'clock in the morning, to Satan and a jackal. The jackal died in childbirth and was buried in Cerveteri under the name Maria Scianna. Damien was subsequently adopted by U.S. diplomat Robert Thorn, who had been informed that his wife had just given birth to a stillbirth. Robert raised Damien as his own child, hiding the truth from everyone. At the age of five, after his father's appointment as Ambassador to the Court of St. James, Damien's powers began to manifest, beginning with him compelling his nanny to commit suicide at his birthday party. These incidents and the warnings of Father Brennan (a priest from Italy and a former Satanist) led Thorn to become suspicious of his son, especially following the death of his wife Katherine in an accident orchestrated by Damien. An exorcist in Jerusalem named Karl Bugenhagen gave Robert the seven Daggers of Meggido, necessary to kill the antichrist. After finding Damien's 666 birthmark, Robert attempted to kill him in a church but was unable to go through with it, ultimately being gunned down by the police.

Following the death of his parents, Thorn was adopted President Henry MacNeil. Unlike his adoptive parents, Thorn came to identify as a conservative Republican and worked as an intern for Senator Bob Roberts from 1991 to 1992. His departure from that internship coincided with the Japanese attack on the US Capitol Building that killed many members of Congress (though Roberts was among those who survived) and President Roger Durling.

Thorn would go on to enlist in the US Navy and participated in several battles during the Eugenics Wars, primarily during the Second Gulf War with the United Islamic Republic. He additionally would participate in the war against the Fithp in 1995, though he was honourably discharged before they were defeated. After leaving the Navy, Thorn went on to pursue a law degree, earning a JD from Miskatonic University in 1997.

Thorn's attention would once again turn to politics during the Bartlet administration. He would write opinion pieces that were often vitriolic towards the liberal policies pursued by the administration. He would often make appearances on the Wolf Network during this time and became a founding editor of the conservative magazine Craniac, alongside its original founder Frasier Crane. However, following the Republican victory in 2004, Thorn would remain critical of the government. He is widely considered to have originated the term 'RINO' to describe the likes of Will McAvoy, Fitzgerald Grant and William Cleary, who he regarded to be sellouts for their moderate stances on social issues and support for multinational blocs like the United Nations and ONAN.

Thorn would go on to become the senior editor at Craniac following Crane's death in 2011 and made the obscure publication far more influential. Many pundits blamed Thorn for causing the rise of the 'birther movement' which held that President Richard Martinez had in fact been born in San Sombrero and thus was ineligible to hold the presidency. Despite his influence, Thorn was frustrated as 'establishment' conservatives such as Alex Keaton continued to dominate the Republican Party.

However, Thorn quickly saw an opportunity during the 2016 Republican presidential primaries following the entrance of Colorado elementary school teacher Herbert Garrison into the race. Garrison, a political novice, ran on a hardline nativist platform hostile to immigrants (especially Canadian and Mexican ones), mutants, vampires, wizards, aliens and other nonhumans of various sorts. Thorn was an early backer of the Garrison campaign and quickly managed to sideline other supporters of Garrison to become his closest adviser. Following Garrison's upset victory over Frank Underwood in 2016, Thorn was appointed as Senior Counselor and Chief Strategist to the president.

In this position, Thorn advocated hardline stances on policy and lobbied against many Garrison appointees whom he saw as too mainstream, such as Andy Guzman at State, Vanessa Wetherhold at Education and Brick Tamland as Chief of Staff. Tamland and Thorn had a particularly contentious relationship as Tamland advised policy restraint while Thorn maintained hardline stances. This ultimately culminated in the April 2017 trade dispute with Canada. Thorn shocked and horrified Garrison's cabinet members by encouraging the president to use a nuclear weapon on Toronto to make Canada bend. Garrison himself was even floored by the suggestion, but after a one-on-one meeting with Thorn, Garrison launched the attack, killing thousands of Canadians.

In the aftermath of the attack, Garrison's cabinet used the 25th Amendment to remove the president from office. Garrison was forced into hiding somewhere near his hometown of South Park, Colorado. Thorn, meanwhile, was hastily fired by the newly-installed President Pauline MacKenzie and replaced with Tracy Flick. Despite a warrant being issued for his arrest, Thorn disappeared shortly after his dismissal. In truth, Thorn had taken up full time residence as head of the Committee of 300, a Satanist conspiracy. Having failed to manipulate politics to bring about armageddon, Thorn hit upon a new idea. Through the use of time travel, world politics would be manipulated to create the optimal situation. Several subtle changes were made to history, including ensuring the success of Biff Tannen's plot to become rich via time travel and preventing the demise of Greg Stillson's political career. The ultimate result of this was that the 2016 presidential election unfolded differently, with Frank Underwood narrowly triumphing over New York governor Will Conway, only to be forced to resign after revelations of his wrongdoing emerged. This led to Claire Hale Underwood becoming president, creating an unstable, authoritarian regime, Underwood triumphed over Nehemiah Scudder in the 2020 election thanks to massive voter fraud, only to be overthrown in a coup by the Sons of Jacob, who founded Gilead and started the Third American Civil War five years early. After Scudder and the other leaders of the Sons of Jacob were killed in an invasion by the Cycloids, Greg Stillson took control of Gilead and launched a nuclear holocaust in a fit of madness.

In the new world he had created, Thorn became a wealthy businessman and entrepreneur; founding and funding the social media company the Circle. As a philanthropist and motivational speaker, he was nearly universally admired by the American public. Appointed Ambassador to the UK by President Bartlet, Thorn helped negotiate the Baghdad Treaty of 2007. During the Underwood administration, Thorn became a born again Christian, joined the Sons of Jacob, and declared himself a warrior for the Lord, serving as Secretary of State under Gilead. Assuming the leadership of Gilead after the activation of the Doomsday Device, Thorn quickly conquered his remaining opponents on Earth and declared himself Emperor of the Terran Empire. He subsequently launched a campaign of extraterrestrial and inter-dimensional expansion with aid of forces from Hell, commanded by the demon lords Screwtape, Inuyasha, Pazuzu, Ilidian Stormrage, Pumpkinhead and K'Z'K'-. Thorn defeated the armies of Heaven attempting to destroy his regime by personally killing the Archangel Castiel; leaving him free to conquer the Universe. The chaos following the destruction of the Galactic Federation by Rick Sanchez left a power vacuum in the Milky Way Galaxy that was filled by the Terran Empire. Races including the Vulcans, Formics, Xenomorphs, Minbari, Na'vi, Turians, Vogons, Borg, Asari, Kree, Tralfamadorians, Kzinti, Brodo Asogi, Tau, Zentraedi, and the Culture were conquered and enslaved. Innumerable worlds were assimilated into the Terran Empire, until Thorn finally annexed the Koprulu sector and conquered the entire Milky Way galaxy. Thorn briefly allowed revolts by Erno Windt, Morpheus, Buck Rogers, Roj Blake, and Dwayne Camacho to interrupt his thousand years of darkness, but these rebels were eventually crushed. However, Thorn's manipulations of time resulted in him taking the place of the demon Aku as the Japanese emperor Jakku's arch nemesis. After a thousand years of rule, Thorn was defeated and killed by Jakku.

Thorn's changes to the timeline were ultimately undone by the manipulations of the Time Baby and SERN was subsequently destroyed by time travelling resistance fighters. Seeing a situation unsuited to him, Thorn opted to go into cryogenic suspension. He awakened in the year 7575, to find an Earth ravaged by nuclear war and war against the skinless giants known as Titans. Utilising his skills learned in the other timeline, Thorn conquered the Earth, reigning as a bloodthirsty tyrant for a thousand years. As he had avoided time travel, Thorn was confident that Jakku would not appear in this timeline but he did not take into account the possibility that the forces of Heaven might intervene directly. Following the Second Coming of Jesus Christ, Thorn led a demon army against God's forces at the Battle of Meggido, where he was defeated and killed.