Odd jokes

-Ever herd of the labyrinth of death.
Once we got down there to explore only to learn that it was a old
retired wizard who did not wont to be bothers by door salesmen.

-Oh,
i remember this one time we met a bear that was a duke.

-Once
we had to clear a dungeon made by ourselfs while we where drunk, we
woke up in the middle not remembering enything and without most of
our equipment. We swore to never get that drunk again. That promise
lasted about a week.

-There was this time we met a human
comander who was also a shepard and hanged out with theeas realy
weird half demon beeings i think they where. Decent armor on all of
them as well, they where probably hi level al of them.

-hi
there, let me tell you about the time w found this cursed weding
ring. Everybody wanted it, we had to travel half acros contry to find
this forge it was made in to destroy it. Don't kniw what the fuzz was
all about, all it did was making you invisseble. That's so
overated.

-have I told you about the time we made a trip to
this weird country where everyone was a ninja. Funny thing is that
they where less covert then a elephant jaced up on helthpotions. None
of them could probably hide if thir life depended on it. But insted
they had put all thair efort into breaking the laws of physics.
Especially this one brat who whore a brigth orange overal and shouted
constantly. Ninjas my as belive it.

-I have never told enyone
else this, but this one time me and the boys
Borrowed the kings
armory. Of course we put it back as soon as we where done.

-You
should know, size do not always matter, once we had this group here,
and their leader had like, the biggest I've ever seen. It probably
took both hands to hold it somewhat steady. And I you ever put it on
the table it would cave in under the weight. Stop staring at me, I'm
talking about his sword. It was this enormus thing. He had this weird
emo clothing to go with it and a yellow cone for hair. His name was
something with the weather, Rain? Clouds?

-There are all kinds
of odballs out in the world, one groupp we once had here wa made up
by a dog human with a shield, a wizard duck and a kid with a
gigantick key for a sword. And thats only the eith most weird group
we ever served here.

-Stay a while, and listen. Wishing
spells are a thing to keep away from. You almost always word them
wrong and end up with some thing you never want. Only people with 20p
in law ever try something so stupid.

-You should always keep
safe out there, even the most simple thing could be anoing or even
dangerus. I once met this old man who garded a bridge and he would
not let me pass.

-It's dangerous out there, take this!

```
Is what he said and then gave me a sword.
Of course it is dangerous if people just hand wepons to every joe they ever met

```

-We once visited this iland contry where the
king had gained power from drawing a sword from a stone. No idea why
anyone would make sutch a simple chalenge, enyone with strength 20,
explosive or miningskills could have gotten that thing.

-An
Archmage with a drinking problem has a brilliant idea: he animates
his shoes so that no matter how stinking drunk he gets, the shoes
will always be able to lead him home.
And for a month or so, this
works wonderfully. But soon, he finds himself waking up in strange
places he begins drinking in Eversink and wake up in Gaunt, or the
Underdark, or Sigil. Finally he realizes that the shoes had gotten
bored with just going back to his home every night, and had become
adventurers.
This won’t do at all. He sells the shoes. They come
back. He gives the shoes away. They come back. He opens a portal to
Elemental Fire, and tosses the shoes in. They don’t come back.
Soon
the archmage starts to feel guilty. After all, he’d given the shoes
life, and then casually destroyed them when they became inconvenient.
So he searches out all the greatest clerics on the face of the world,
hoping for some way to ease his guilt. Finally, a half-mad hermit
tells him that he doesn’t need to worry – the shoes entered the
Seven Heavens immediately,a nd are enjoying eternal bliss.
Because
it turns out, shoes have souls.

-A guy wearing black robes and
reeking of the grave walks into the tavern. Strangely the man is
being strangled by a severed hand.
The bartender mumbles “We
don’t serve no death mages here…”
The guy in the robes gasps
and mangages to whisper, “One drink…”
The bartender looks at
the poor guy shakes his head and says “Ok, one. What will you
have”
The customer says “Make it a stiff one” As he says
stiff the hand seems to squeeze harder.
The bartender puts out a
Mug of Ale. “It’s pretty strong, made it myself”. The guy in
robes gasps “Stiffer!”.
The barkeep puts out a Elven Wine.
“Stiffer!” The guy in robes is starting to pass out.
The
barkeep quickly runs to the cellar and gets a flask of dwarven
whiskey. When he runs up the guy in the robes is on one knee.
The
barkeep wants to honor this guys last request so he pours him a shot
and hands it to the guy in robes. The necromancer pours it on the
hand and it falls to the ground.
The mage regains his composure,
throws some gold on the bar and leaves with the hand following behind
him.
The bartender yells after him “That was amazing, what was
that all about”
To which the necromancer says, “It takes a
potent spirit to control the dead.”

-A skeleton walks into a
bar and ask the Bartender: “Do you serve skeletons here?”
Times
being what they are the wily Bartender replies: “sure, we serve
anyone.”
The skeleton hands the man a silver and says: “Fine,
I’ll have a pitcher of beer…and a mop”

-An animated Rope
walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The 1/2 Orc bartender says
gruffly: “We don’t serve Animated ropes in here – now get
out!”
Dejected the rope leaves.
5 rounds later, the rope
returns wearing a bad disguise: one end has all the strands unraveled
resembling a blonde wig, and the other end tied up in a bow.
The
savvy Bartender is not fooled. Enraged he says: Hey! Are you that
animated rope I kicked out of here just a few rounds ago?!
To
which the rope smoothly replies: Nope, I’m a frayed knot…

How many elves does it take to sharpen a sword?
Three: one to sharpen
the sword and two to write a song about it so that when the first elf
is done, four hundred years later, they’ll remember whose sword it
was.

-An elf, a human, and a dwarf are sitting in a bar. The
barmaid brings them their drinks, and each happens to have a fly in
it.
The elf pushes away his elfwine, "I will not drink
this."
The human fishes the fly out of his ale, crushes it,
and takes a swallow.
The dwarv carefully flys the fly out of his
whiskey, gentle puts it on the rim of the mug, and bellows "All
right, spit it out!"

-A bard who specializes in
ventrioloquism is performing in a tavern, doing several jokes about
how dumb half-orcs are.
A very large, very mean-looking half-orc
in the back of the room stands up and growls, "I'm sick of
everyone making fun of half-orcs and saying we're stupid."
The
bard begins to apologize for offending the half-orc.
The half-orc
says, "Sir, I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the little
smart-a\*\* sitting in your lap."

-Once upon a time. I meet
this old man who could
-You so won't belive this.
-Ever heard
of
the

Q:
Why do dwarven bards sound better by candlelight?
A: You can shove
the wax in your ears.

How many Elves does it take to light a
candle?
A. Three: one to sing, one to dance, one to summon the
spiritual guardian of joyous flame forth into the realm
material.

Zombies just can’t dance. They haven’t got any
soul.

Q: How many elves does it take to sharpen a sword?
A:
Three, one to do the sharpening, one to compose an epic poem about
it, and one to complain about how it was better *before*.

Q:
"How many Call of Cthulhu investigators does it take to change a
lightbulb?"

A1: All of them, don't split up the
party!
A2: What, go out there? *In the dark?!!!*
A3:
Three, one to change the lighbulb, one to hold the ladder, and one to
keep watch with a shotgun.
A4: Sorry, they all died when the light
went out.

-During a large chase against an enemy that tries to escape, people are quite calm while fixing their things, one even sugest to take a nap first. You ask why they take it so easy, They say that time just work odd like that, but if you feal like such a hurry, you can run after him yourself.

-Death is only as finite as you inability to gain friends and allies that wish to bring you back. But old age is a harder thing to concore as death have at least some words to say in the mather.

init:

```
   $ timer_range = 0
   $ timer_jump = 0

```

label start:

```
   $ time = 15
   $ menu_slow = renpy.random.randint(1, 3)
   $ timer_jump = 'awnser_slow1'

```

```
   h "So what class you going to chose?"

```

```
           h "You chose warrior."
       "mage":
           h "You chose mage."

```

label awnser\_slow1:

```
   $ time = 5
   $ menu_slow = renpy.random.randint(1, 3)
   $ timer_jump = 'awnser_slow1'

```

```
   if menu_slow == 1:
       h "Are you there?"
   elif menu_slow == 2:
       h "Do you take me for an NPC?"
   else:
       h "Away from keyboard are we?"

```

```
           h "You chose warrior."
       "mage":
           h "You chose mage."

```

$ total\_playtime = renpy.get\_game\_runtime()

(come on, there are like 3 optioins is there not?)
(What? Your trying to see what option gets into my pants?)
(Are you looking at the guidebook again?)
(Don't you even have the decensy to pouse the game at least?)
(I must say, you have already played this game for %(total\_playtime)&, maybe you should take a brake?)