The Grand Mafiate of the Assortment of Fresh Mafioso

> "**On the surface, this place is like a gleaming spire of heaven. But underneath it is a cesspit of rot and villainy. I want to leave this place, but I have been strapped to a chair, and they are pouring liquid tar and cement over my feet. I am going to be thrown into the ocean. All I wanted was a fucking sandwich."**
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> -Garret Garretson, shortly before another of his deaths.
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The Grand Mafiate of the Assortment of Fresh Mafioso is a nation populated entirely by various criminals from all the different realms of reality, held together by a lynchpin known as "the Prime Don," to who all other criminals in the nation owe their fealty.

They are renowned for its keen interest in outer space, absence of drug laws, and compulsory gun ownership. The hard-nosed, humorless population of 2.417 billion Mafians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt. This is because each one of them is immoral and corrupt, but consider themselves to at least be honest about it.

## **Origins**

The Grand Mafiate has it's origins in 13th Century Sicily, Earth Designate 201-20b, Universe 666, with the birth of a man named Fresco Mago. Born the son of an Italian merchant and a Sicilian fisherman's wife, his bastard birth meant that he was scorned and shunned by almost everyone throughout his childhood. Never having known something as simple as affection, for his mother beat him with sacks of garlic every day his chores were not done, and his father drinking himself to an early grave off the coast of Tuscany, Fresco determined that he would carve his own path into the world. At the age of 13, he was inducted into the Most Damned and Blasphemous Order of Satanic Inquisitory Doctrine as an Acolyte de Minori, where the minor cantrips he knew allowed him to sacrifice his fishing town to Satan in return for three golden coins. Using this meager product of Satanic magic, he bribed a drunken boatswain to take him to the mainland of Italy, where he soon traveled to the Republic of Venice to learn the arts of commerce. Given he was a lowborn bastard, however, this plan failed almost immediately, and he was instead forced to live off of the streets. At the age of 16, he was able to form a cohort of other young men and women to his side from the various territories of Italy. Orphans were common because of the various inter-city wars, and he had a fondness for taking in those of a similar lifestyle to his own. Apparently, Italian merchants liked to fuck a lot of women, and left a lot of bastards.

So was born Figli Delle Puttane d'Italia, or Sons of the Whores of Italy, a proto-mafia style gang based off of incredible violence and extortion.

Inducting the members of his gang as minor minions of the Most Damned and Blasphemous Order of Satanic Inquisitory Doctrine, Fresco used sorcery, blood magic, violence, prostitution rings, and general fuckery to make a name for himself. Eventually, he sent his disciples to the four corners of the world, where they would all found various crime syndicates of their own, using magic to transform them to look as the natives of those lands. So it was that things like the Triads, the Yakuza, the Russian Mafia, Chavs, and violent Scots running around with lead pipes were born. Things continued as such until the year 1479, where at the age of 89, Fresco Mago died, choking on poisoned crab. This was bizarre, considering that four years prior, he lost his legs because of poisoned crabs, but did not die. The poison did not kill him this time either - the crab was just of such low quality that he died choking on it. For his evil deeds in forming every major crime syndicate in the world, he was sent to Supreme Death Hell, along with the souls of all his disciples, their disciples, and so on.

## **Culture and People**

The Assortment garners it's name from the assortment of people that live within it's borders. Mafians are not strictly just a "human" species such as can be considered in Supreme Death Hell; they are, to the last man, woman, and child, career criminals from all the nations of the Earth that the Prime Don came from. This causes no amount of cultural tension in the first few years of a Mafians new life, although acclimation and integration are considered of paramount importance for the continued prosperity of the nation as a whole. Violence is a way of life; it's only when that cuts into business that it is considered a flaw. Cultural and racial tensions are dealt with violently by the Mafian Guard, and most citizens have been beaten with baseball bats into compliance and a singular culture.

Ambition is the byword of a Mafian. Power, influence, money, all of it is considered a valid means of progressing within society. This ambition and desire has made Mafians the most advanced people within Supreme Death Hell, advancing to a technological level that would be considered "absurd" in the planes of reality. This is kept in balanced by not only the fact that magic and the supernatural is commonplace within Supreme Death Hell, but by the Mafians themselves. Backstabs and powerplays are commonplace, and it is considered to be a sign of weakness if you show shock or offense to a betrayal. The only thing Mafians are completely loyal to would be the Prime Don, and that is mainly out of a sense of terror.

Despite the all pervasive technology of their nation, Mafians are a deeply religious people, and religious freedom is upheld. Religious violence is also commonplace, although outright pogroms are forbidden and, should things grow out of hand, the Mafian Guard is deployed to deal with any dissenters or zealots.

Mafians, owing to the supernatural plane of existence that is Supreme Death Hell, are not entirely human anymore. When driven to bouts of extreme rage, a Mafian undergoes a physical and mental transformation. Growing more muscular, their voices change to a higher pitch, body hair suddenly grows at an explosive rate, and things such as rational thought are pushed to the side. Brawls ensue, and the only way to revert to a normal Mafian is to kill the source of the offense as immediately as possible. Strangely, the only things that come out of a Mafian's mouth during such a transformation are vulgarity, insults, and blunt insults about their opponent's mother.

Weapon ownership is also compulsory. Despite having access to laser and plasma weaponry, the average Mafian is only allowed a ballistic weapon, such as Thompson submachine guns, M1911 Pistols, and the traditional dress for a Mafian, man or woman, is almost exclusively in suits, hats, and shined shoes.

## **Economy**

The Mafian economy is considered to be one of the strongest within Supreme Death Hell. The frighteningly efficient Mafiosoan economy, worth 352 trillion blunts a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is broadly diversified, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, and Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 145,826 blunts, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Some might consider this extortion. That would be because it is. Everything is, after all, owed to the Prime Don.

While some would consider this illegal, immoral, and dangerous, Mafians pay little mind to such things. The Mafians, after all, don't have a black market: they *are* the black market, and they're more than happy to provide to every nation within Supreme Death Hell - especially the skeletons.

## **Geography and Infrastructure**

The Mafiate is a desolate, highly advanced nation. It is a twisted perversion of northern Italy, with no vegetation outside of specially preserved Ornstein sanctuaries. There are not cities, so much as sprawling, mile long villas where millions live, trying to vie for power, influence, and living space. Such is their size that roadwork and infrastructure is required to navigate them. Nuclear power plants dot the landscape, billowing hellsmoke and grimanium into the air, allowing for near-infinite power at the cost of mutants, increased cancer rates, and Super Nosferatu, a rare breed of mutated Nosferatu that lack the crippling weakness to garlic that others of their kind have. They are still shit, though.

All settlements, save for a sparse few run by Overbosses, exist miles beneath the surface. The level of technology that the Mafiate has at it's disposal, as well as the general inhospitable nature of it's landscape, makes each villa-city a veritable fortress, self-sustaining, and incredibly lively. The buildings, such as they can be called, are a mixture of Japanese, Italian, Chinese, Scottish, Russian, Mexican, and African, owing to the distinct criminal groups famous through each of those regions.

The towns above the surface are nothing compared to the grandeur and splendor of Neo Mafioso, or any of the lesser cities. They tend to be modeled after barrios, shanty-towns, inner cities, and low rent housing, containing Mafians who have not been "Made" - typically full blooded Mafians under the age of 18, or foreigners. Overbosses have jurisdiction over their townships, but pay tribute to Underbosses who run cities, who in turn pay tribute to the Dons that run metropolitan areas, who in turn pay tribute to the Prime Don, who rules from Neo Mafioso.

## **The Prime Don**

Fresco Mago is a deformed man, twisted by the ages. His leg stumps have three crab legs jutting crudely out of them, and half of his face is replaced with cybernetics crudely put in place, after a curse by the Evil Wizard Satanists failed to bind his soul into a tree stump. He is a man of stern aspect, and doesn't take kindly to people trying to muscle in on his operation. His experience with the Satanic Inquisition means he is a moderately powerful maleficar, able to curse and cast magic, although Harry Potter (Allegedly) and more focused wizards are more potent than he when it comes to the demonic arts.

In response to this, the Prime Don always carries a plasma pistol on him. It can be argued, after all, that powerful enough technology might as well be considered magic.