Insomnia Insanity

**Insomnia Insanity**is episode 104b of Edward and Eric. It premiered on Kids' WB on May 8, 2004.

## Synopsis

Principal Walker must give an important speech at his Navy reunion, so he must go to bed to get his necessary 8 hours of sleep. However, it's difficult to do that when The Lucky 6 has no choice but to bunk in with him at his office.

## Cast

* Andrew Rannells as Edward and The Narrator
* Josh Peck as Eric
* Mike Pollock as Principal Walker
* Wayne Grayson as Joey and Navy Sailor #3
* Gary Sauls as Constantinos and Mr. Goodman
* Edward Felker as Stanley and Navy Captain
* Dan Green as Dallas
* Maddie Blaustein as Navy Sailor #1
* Eric Stuart as Navy Sailor #2

The Animator in the Sky is mentioned by Principal Walker. Dylan makes a silent cameo appearance.

## Trivia

* Although this episode premiered in 2004, it was produced in 2003 according to the copyright date at the end of the credits.
* This episode is available to watch on the Adventures in Lakeside City DVD, the Ed-a-Rama VHS, and the Season 5 Volume 1 box set.
* This and its sister episode share the same exact storyboard directors, storyboard artists, writers, and animation director.
* There are no frames between Walker scolding Stanley and him falling asleep, although according to Edward Felker in the audio commentary, this was completely intentional.
* This was paired up with I Was a Teenage Teenager during the Kids' WB Sleepover Jam event.
* The original plot was Bill having a nightmare and turning into a mustard dispenser.

## Transcript

(The episode opens with a shot of Lakeside City School's front gate)

**Principal Walker:** Goodman! (cut to the inside of his office, where he is tapping his finger against the intercom) Goodman, I need you! (cheerfully whistles as he scavenges through his desk, and then he sighs upon digging out a Navy sailor hat, which he puts on, and then he becomes impatient again) GOODMAN! WHAT IS TAKING YOU SO-

**Mr. Goodman:** (walks in) Uh, sir, that's not an intercom.

**Principal Walker:** It's not?

**Mr. Goodman:** No, sir.

**Principal Walker:** What is it?

(We see a closeup of a smashed portrait of Mr. Goodman)

**Mr. Goodman:** The framed picture I gave you for your birthday, sir.

**Principal Walker:** Oh, yes, uhh, nevermind that, Goodman! I've got more important matters. (walks over to his coat rack, where there is a dark blue vest) I need you to hold my calls for the rest of the day. My friends from my days in the Navy have invited me for a reunion at the rec center tomorrow, and it's starting first thing tomorrow morning, so I need all the preparation time I can get, as I, Iron Walker, am the keynote speaker! An honor I- (stops) uhh, Goodman, could you help me button this vest?

(Mr. Goodman does so, but accidentally overdoes it)

**Principal Walker:** (flinches) You caught a hair!

**Mr. Goodman:** (leaves anyway) Sorry, sir.

(Cut to the boys' dorm, where the rest of The Lucky 6 are watching Edward holding a bottle of Nurse Salt and some Mentos)

**Edward:** Look alive, boys. This is how to spruce up an ordinary serving of Nurse Salt! (he nervously puts one Mentos inside of the soda and quickly closes it. Then, he shakes it)

(Everybody else takes out binoculars. Edward opens it, and through Constantinos' binoculars, we see live-action stock footage of Tsar Bomba. He screams, but then he puts it down, and we see that the soda has barely even formed one bubble)

**Eric:** I think a few more wouldn't hurt.

**Edward:** Tell me something I don't know, Eric.

(He drops in more Mentos, which causes the entire building to violently shake)

**Stanley:** I have a better idea. RUN!!!

(They quickly run out, and they quickly find out the boys' dorm is blasting off into space. It zips into the atmosphere. Everybody is in amazement)

**Stanley:** So is nobody gonna point out how there are still several people in there?

**Edward:** Not to worry, Stanley. What goes up, must come down.

(They stand perfectly still, looking at the sky)

(Day turns to night. They're still standing)

**Edward:** I, don't think it's coming back, guys.

**Joey:** Yeah, well, Four Eyes, what else were you expecting with another one of your dumb ideas?

(Dallas is about to punch his arm, causing Joey to tightly shut his eyes and quiver, but he doesn't do it)

**Dallas:** Actually, yeah. Everybody knows not to put Nurse Salt and Mentos together.

**Eric:** Say, how come we get to say "Mentos", but not "Dr. Pepp-

**Constantinos:** (covers Eric's mouth) Guys, hang on! I know it's usually my job to be pessimistic, but I know someone who will be caring enough to let us stay in for the night.

(The camera immediately cuts to the gang knocking on the school's front door. Mr. Goodman walks up, wearing pajamas and holding a candle)

**Mr. Goodman:** Mysterious knocking? At this hour? (opens it) The Lucky 6? At this hour?

**Eric:** Uhhhhhh...happy birthday?

**Joey:** Ed-wart here sent the boys' dorm to outer spa-

(Edward punches his arm, but then Dallas punches *his* arm)

**Dallas:** Hi, Mr. Goodman. We apologize if we're bothering you, but the boys' dorm...went to space. Bit of a long story.

**Stanley:** Not really, Edward was doing an experiment and-

**Edward:** ALRIGHT! STOP RUBBING IT IN!

**Mr. Goodman:** Gone? At this hour? Where did it go?

**Eric:** (sadly) Heaven.

**Mr. Goodman:** Heaven?! (they come inside, and he closes the door) But she was so young... (takes out the Lakeside City School Student Handbook and flips through it) Let's see here. Dorm-less students...here it is. (starts reading) According to the Lakeside City School Student Handbook, students suddenly finding themselves without a dorm are suddenly required to stay within ten feet of-

(He becomes shocked, and the camera instantly cuts to Principal Walker sleeping soundly in his office's bedroom. Mr. Goodman opens the door)

**Principal Walker:** Whu-? (irritated) Who's there?

**Mr. Goodman:** Sorry to disturb you, sir, but we have six students without a dorm.

**Principal Walker:** (half-asleep) Yeah, so what?

**Mr. Goodman:** So according to the student handbook, they're required to stay within ten feet of their principal.

(The gang slides in, and Eric excitedly hops up and down on Walker, who screams in pain as his bones crunch)

**Eric:** YAY! SLUMBER PARTY WITH PRINCIPAL WALKER! SLUMBER PARTY WITH PRINCIPAL WALKER!

**Principal Walker:** (squashes Eric flat with his bare hands) Goodman! I appoint you temporary principal!

**Mr. Goodman:** (not buying it) Nice try, sir. (leaves and closes the door)

**Principal Walker:** Wait! Goodman! GOODMAN! (grunts and crosses his arms; under his breath) I'll snap his neck one day... (angrily mumbles)

**Eric:** What game should we play first, Principal Walker?

**Principal Walker:** How about a classic, traditional game of...GO TO BED NOW!!!

**Eric:** I'm not familiar with that one.

**Principal Walker:** Oh, it's really quite simple. (approaches one of his shelves, which conveniently has six sleeping bags) The only instructions are that you six need to go to bed (rolls the bags down as if they were bowling balls) NOW!

(The sleeping bags smack into the gang as if they were pins, and they land, covered in the bags)

**Dallas:** I'm not really sleepy yet, Principal Walker.

**Principal Walker:** Then watch a show on The WB, that'll knock you out for sure.

(The camera cuts to live-action stock footage of an audience laughing hard as a rimshot plays)

**Dallas:** Ok, that's fair, but even then, I don't sleep for very long.

**Principal Walker:** (stares at the camera) *This* is gonna be a fun night.

**Dallas:** Micronaps are all I need. They last anywhere from half a second to thirty seconds.

**Principal Walker:** (facepalms) Animator in the Sky, give me strength.

**Stanley:** How come you need a lot of sleep tonight anyway, Principal Walker? All you ever do is eat, nap and berate us.

(Walker controls the temptation to strangle him and walks over to his coat rack, where his vest and sailor hat is)

**Principal Walker:** I have a very important speech tomorrow for my Navy reunion. (turns his attention to the gang; sternly) And I need my sleep. Now go to bed.

**Eric:** YAY! NOW WE CAN PLAY BURIED ALIVE!

**Principal Walker:** (his eyes widen) Huh?!

**Eric:** (almost verbatim from Walker) Oh, it's really quite simple. The only instructions are that we choose who gets to be buried alive in cement! (immediately points to Walker) YOU'RE IT!

**Principal Walker:** NO! WAIT!

(Eric stuffs him in a steel coffin. Walker screams bloody murder, and it gets tossed out of the window, where it lands in a 6-foot hole. A cement truck arrives and pours down - you guessed it - cement into the hole. Walker screams louder, but his attempts to receive help are futile)

(Later that night, Walker settles down in his bed, and he fluffs his pillow. The camera pans out to reveal two blocks of cement enclosing his two feet)

**Edward:** Good night, Principal Walker.

**Principal Walker:** Yeah yeah, good night. (falls asleep)

**Edward:** Good night, Eric.

**Eric:** Good night, Edward.

(Beat)

**Eric:** Good night, Constantinos.

**Constantinos:** Good night, Eric.

(Beat)

**Constantinos:** Good night, Dallas.

**Dallas:** Good night, Constantinos.

(Beat as Walker stares at them with bloodshot eyes. He closes his eyes)

**Dallas:** Good night, Stanley.

**Stanley:** Good night, Dallas.

(Beat)

**Stanley:** Good night, Joey.

**Joey:** Good night, Stanley.

(Beat)

**Joey:** Sleep tight, Four Eyes.

**Edward:** Sleep tight, Joey.

(Beat)

**Edward:** Sleep tight, Eric.

**Eric:** (Walker buries his face into his pillow) Sleep tight, Edward.

(Beat)

**Stanley:** Don't let the bed bugs bite, Dallas.

**Dallas:** Sweet dreams, Stanley.

**Principal Walker:** ***ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!!!!*** (storms up to them) THE BED BUGS WILL NOT BITE! YOU'RE NOT EVEN IN BEDS! YOU'RE IN BAGS! ***BAGS!!!!!*** Now go, to, *bed!*

**Constantinos:** Don't you mean "go to bag"?

(Walker stops in the tracks to his bed, and he mutters angry gibberish as his head rotates around in a 90-degree angle. He faces the gang)

**All:** Good night, Principal Walker.

**Principal Walker:** (walks to his bed) Huh. Most important speech of my- (mutters gibberish again as he settles down in bed)

(He falls asleep, but wakes up once he notices the door opening)

**Principal Walker:** Now what?!

**Edward:** I need a bottle of water.

**Principal Walker:** Well, can't you just swallow your own spit?

**Edward:** Don't worry, Principal Walker. I'll be quiet. (leaves)

(Edward loudly scavenges, and Walker lays down with his eyes wide open)

**Edward:** (offscreen) Principal Walker?

**Principal Walker:** *Yes?*

**Edward:** Where do you keep your water bottles?

**Principal Walker:** The fridge inside the teacher's lounge!

**Edward:** Oh.

(Something drops and crashes, angering Walker)

**Edward:** Principal Walker?

**Principal Walker:** *Whaaaaaaaaaat???*

**Edward:** Where do you keep your dustpan and broom?

**Principal Walker:** Hall closet.

**Edward:** Oh.

(The camera transitions to Walker approaching the gang once more)

**Principal Walker:** Ok. Everybody got everything they need?

**All:** Yes, Principal Walker!

**Principal Walker:** (in a mocking tone) Everybody say their nighty-nights?

**All:** Yes, Principal Walker!

**Principal Walker:** Good. NOW GO TO BED!!!!

(He angrily mumbles again as he settles down into bed, and he punches his pillow to fluff it up. He closes his eyes, scratches his chin, and falls asleep)

(His alarm clock is heard ticking as the camera zooms up to his face. His eyes open wide, and they're bloodshot. He begins quivering)

**Principal Walker:** I can't sleep! (the gang wakes up) Oh no! Oh no, oh no! I can't sleep! Oh, I can't believe it - tomorrow is the biggest speech of my life, and I can't fall asleep! (cries hysterically)

**Dallas:** We can help you fall asleep.

(Beat)

**Principal Walker:** Well, I guess this is one of those moments in life where the dumb option is the only option.

(Constantinos inserts a CD onto Walker's record player, and a yodeling song plays)

**Stanley:** Good work, Constantinos.

(He walks over to Walker, who is drinking a warm cup of tea)

**Stanley:** How's that exotic deep-sleep tea, Principal Walker?

**Principal Walker:** Oooooh! (smacks his lips in delight) Very soothing.

**Edward:** (walks up to Walker as well) Let's hear those ocean sounds, Eric.

(Eric chugs a glass of water and gurgles. He perfectly imitates the sound of a foghorn and a dolphin chirping)

**Stanley:** Well?

**Principal Walker:** (crosses his arms) 'Well' what? Did you childbirth abominations *really* think suckering me with some new-agey sleep hocus-pocus was gonna-

(He immediately falls asleep)

**Joey:** Shame we couldn't go with my bash-Walker's-skull-in-with-a-bucket-of-bricks-and-put-him-to-sleep-that-way plan.

**Constantinos:** (tucks his blanket into him) Good night, Principal Walker. (they go back to bed)

(Cut to a time card)

**The Narrator:** 17 seconds later...

(Walker's alarm clock loudly rings, producing an earthquake, and the sun rises)

**All:** Rise and shine!

**Eric:** Up and atom!

(Walker is still asleep, and he's seen snoring)

**Edward:** Principal Walker?

(We see another shot of him sleeping, and a fly goes into his mouth as he snores, but this doesn't wake him up)

**Joey:** On the bright side, this probably means the old man finally croaked.

**Stanley:** (deadpan) No, genius, his alarm wasn't loud enough.

(Cut to a time card)

**The Narrator:** As a result...

(Eric is seen inflating the alarm clock with a tire pump in hopes of making it louder than before. However, this backfires once it flies all over the place like a bullet, and the gang takes cover underneath Walker's bed. The alarm clock catapults into Walker's mouth, and he swallows it down without waking up)

(Walker's body begins trembling, and the gang takes a peek at this. Still asleep, his body shakes out of the school and burrows underground. He goes all over the place, taking some trees and Dylan with him. Once Walker's body gets back into the school, he launches out of the floor and hops back into bed)

(Beat)

**Constantinos:** If that doesn't wake him up, nothing will.

**Mr. Goodman:** (pokes his head in) We're supposed to be at the rec center now, sir.

(The gang gasps)

**Edward:** Plan B! (opens Walker's mouth and crawls inside his body) We're gonna have to think *inside* the box.

(The camera cuts to the Lakeside City Recreational Center, where hundreds of Navy sailors are eating breakfast)

**Navy Sailor #1:** This is the biggest reunion breakfast I've ever seen.

**Navy Sailor #2:** These pancakes are terrible. They taste like they came from iHope This Food Won't Kill Me.

**Navy Sailor #3:** We didn't come for the pancakes.

**Navy Sailor #1:** We came for the speech.

**Navy Sailor #3:** Without the annual breakfast speech, the U.S. Navy's alumni would be a laughingstock across the world.

**Navy Sailor #1:** Amen.

**Navy Sailor #2:** So true. So true.

**Navy Sailor #3:** Speaking of which, wasn't Gaylord Walker supposed to show up and speak?

**Edward:** (clears his throat offscreen and imitates Principal Walker's voice) Here I am!

(The camera reveals Principal Walker's body wobbling around, and there are live-action eyes from a magazine glued onto his glasses. He falls backwards and gets up before waving)

**Edward:** (still imitating him) I am Gaylord Kenneth Walker, and I've come to make an announcement!

(We see The Lucky 6 inside of Walker's body, taking complete control of it, and they're all stacked onto each other)

**Constantinos:** Guys, I'm not so sure about this, can't we just go home instead?

**Joey:** Yeah, I'd hate to agree with Noodle Arms here, but this has got to be one of your dumbest ideas, Four Eyes. Which is saying quite a lot.

(Dallas ponders about punching Joey's arm, and he finally does it this time)

**Edward:** Everything will be smooth sailing as long as we have a copy of Walker's speech. Does anyone have it?

**Eric:** I think I accidentally dropped it earlier and left it to rot in Walker's stomach acid.

**Edward:** Uh oh. Well, we're just gonna have to improvise. (grabs Walker's brain and starts massaging it, causing Walker's hands to raise his drooping glasses, and his body to start walking)

(His body drops and slithers towards one of the tables. The Navy sailors are in complete, utter shock as Edward causes Walker to grab loads of plates. He widely opens his mouth like a frog, shoves everything into his mouth, and loudly chows it down)

(Edward punches Walker's brain to get the hang of it, which makes Walker dangle towards the podium, but then he lands on his crotch)

**Navy Captain:** Former Navy sailors, the esteemed Gaylord Walker will now deliver the annual Navy reunion speech.

(Everybody claps)

**Principal Walker:** (mumbles incoherently as his hands fiddle with the microphone, and everybody cheers)

(Stanley kicks Principal Walker's liver, causing him to grumble in pain and accidentally slap the mic. Dallas controls Walker's legs to gain a steady posture, but then Walker's mouth opens and loudly licks the mic for thirty seconds. This makes everybody stare in shock)

(Afterwards, Walker burps loudly and rests his head on the podium, snoring. He knocks the mic down)

(Beat)

**Navy Captain:** BRAVO! (claps)

(Everybody gives him a standing oviation)

**Principal Walker:** (wakes up) Huh? Oh, why thank you! You're too kind, I- (starts to realize what's going on once he takes off his glasses, and his eyes bulge out as he screams) GOODMAN, WHAT HAPPENED?!!?

**Mr. Goodman:** You slept through your entire speech, sir.

**Principal Walker:** No. ***NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!*** (everybody is seen leaving) Come back! I want a do-over! (pants heavily) I was just warming up!

(Walker tries to get off the stage, only to trip and fall, which leads to him spitting out The Lucky 6, all of whom land on his stomach)

**Edward:** Great speech, Principal Walker!

**Eric:** Eloquent!

**Principal Walker:** (gets up) You MONSTERS! You'll never sleep anywhere near me again!!! Why I oughta mangle each and every one of y-

**Navy Sailor #1:** Gaylord! Your speech left us beyond amazed.

**Navy Sailor #2:** We would love it if you gave the eulogy at one of our fallen comrades' funeral tomorrow.

**Principal Walker:** (surprised) What? Bu-bu-bu-bu- but I-

**Navy Sailor #2:** See you bright and early.

(Beat as Walker stares at The Lucky 6)

**Principal Walker:** (whispering) Hey, uh, you guys wouldn't be interested in another little slumber party now, would ya?

(They see something falling from the sky through one of the windows)

**Dallas:** (points to it) Look!

(The boys' dorm crash-lands back to where it originally was, although it's now upside down)

**Dallas:** (he and the rest of the gang dash out of the rec center) The boys' dorm is back!

**Eric:** Boys' dorm!

**All:** (they run back to Lakeside City School) Yeah! Upside down boys' dorm!

**Principal Walker:** Uhhhh, guys? Bunk...mates?

(Suddenly, we hear the alarm clock from earlier ringing inside of Walker, and he starts gagging and quivering. He then spits it out, and it's still ringing)

**Principal Walker:** These breakfasts get worse every year.

(Iris out)

("The End" screen)

(Episode ends)