The Constitution Crisis of 2023

## Overview

Note, this story is connected to the Osama Bin Laden house raid.

On September 3rd, 2023 Boris Heavy was visiting the museum where the original Copy of the American Constitution was displayed. While visiting the Heavy had to use the bathroom. Before he left the bathroom he realized there was no toilet paper left and in a dire last resort decided to punch the glass holding the Constitution and use the document as his makeshift toilet paper. This left the paper in ruins as the century old paper crumbled under the pressure of being smeared in between the Heavy's hand and body.

He was tackled soon after by museum security and swiftly arrested by police where he was taken to jail. He was put on trial and found guilty of destruction of government property. Heavy was forced to serve 72 hours of community service and go to mandatory educational programs.

## Joke Script Archive

Once upon a time, the burly and larger-than-life Heavy found himself in a dire situation. He was on a tour visiting a museum where the sacred American Constitution was displayed. The day had been long, and Heavy's nature called upon him urgently. With a heavy heart and an even heavier belly, he rushed towards the bathroom, oblivious to the impending events about to unfold.

As Heavy entered the restroom, his eyes widened in shock. There, before him, was an empty toilet paper roll, mocking his desperate need. Panic coursed through his veins as he assessed the situation. He knew he had to act quickly, but with no other option in sight, a most unconventional idea sprouted in his mind.

Heavy's eyes locked onto the framed display of the American Constitution hanging on the wall, encased in a protective glass. He hesitated for a moment, his gaze shifting between the Constitution and the empty toilet paper holder. The urgency of the situation clouded his judgment, and he made a fateful decision.

In an act of desperation, Heavy mustered all his strength and, with a mighty swing, shattered the glass case that held the cherished document. Fragments of glass rained down, startling the tourists nearby. Shocked gasps filled the air as people turned to witness the unthinkable scene unfold before them.

With the Constitution now in his hands, Heavy sought solace in his unconventional solution. In the eyes of the other tourists, he appeared to be a man unhinged, desecrating a revered symbol of American democracy. But to Heavy, the relief he felt in that moment surpassed any sense of remorse. He proceeded to use the Constitution for its unintended purpose, his act of defiance against the mockery of an empty toilet paper holder.

As Heavy emerged from the restroom, Constitution in hand, the commotion grew. The museum staff quickly gathered, their faces painted with shock and disbelief. Police sirens wailed in the distance, drawing nearer by the second. Heavy's actions had triggered a chain of events that would forever change his life.

Word of the incident spread like wildfire, capturing media attention worldwide. Debates raged over Heavy's actions and the nature of his disregard for a cherished symbol of democracy. Legal experts grappled with the ramifications and the appropriate punishment for his seemingly sacrilegious act.

Amidst the chaos, Heavy found himself facing the consequences of his impulsive decision. Legal proceedings followed, resulting in a trial that would determine the weight of his actions. Despite his lack of remorse, Heavy stood before the judge, ready to face the consequences of his unconventional bathroom choice.

Throughout the trial, Heavy's character and intentions were dissected. It became evident that his act, though unconventional and ill-advised, stemmed from desperation rather than malice. The court acknowledged his ignorance and lack of understanding regarding the significance of the Constitution, attributing his actions to a momentary lapse in judgment.

While Heavy may have found temporary relief in the unconventional solution, the weight of his actions ultimately came crashing down on him. The judge ruled against him, imposing a combination of fines, community service, and mandatory educational programs focused on American history and civic responsibility.

In the aftermath of the trial, Heavy became a symbol of cautionary tale. His story reminded people of the importance of reverence and respect for cherished symbols, regardless of personal circumstances. The shattered glass case and the desecrated Constitution served as a reminder of the consequences that could arise from acts of desperation.

Heavy, having learned his lesson, embarked on a personal journey of self-reflection and growth. Through his community service and educational programs, he began to understand the profound significance of the Constitution and the ideals it represents. Over time, Heavy became an advocate for civic education and responsible behavior, seeking to rectify the mistakes of his past.