306: We’ll Put a Candle in a Fish

## Summary

Everyone engages in some last minute gift buying for Will, and in self-defence Will does the same for everyone else. That evening as they sail down the river on the houseboat, the birthday celebrations finally get underway as a dramatic cake is unveiled and gifts are exchanged. When Will is presented with a magically unfolding *Tiny Tent* of his very own, complete with desk, comfortable furnishings, and a picture of Tivoli, he cannot hide how genuinely moved he is.

## Synopsis

The party agree to meet back at the houseboat that evening, and everyone (minus Will) hurriedly dashes into Beartoggle to find Will a suitable gift. They all agree that what Will needs is a version of Raphina's *Tiny Hut*; a totally private, nice, clean space of his own. Rosco knows a guy who works in the medium of magical items that convert from small and portable into large and functional, just like their *Ding Dang Dong Boat*. He's able to sell them an item that converts into a very smart one-person tent. Batthwack commissions a sketch of Tivoli (using the model in Raphina's terrarium as a guide), imagining Will hanging it inside.

Raphina adds her own special touch to the gift, which is to have the *Ring of Swimming* altered so that instead of a rubber ring, it inflates into a desk complete with papers and fountain pens. Rosco adds his own personal touch too, which is to insist that the tent does not include a poop room. The whole thing is set up so that it magically packs up into a miniature pumpkin with a moustache on it, that can be worn on a necklace. The command word to unpack it is *"Pompi-ON"*, and to fold it back down, *"Pompi-OFF"*.

They also buy a cake, which is made in the shape of Aeon the Anglerfish, and decorated with Carnivar-street-food-style corn dogs sticking out of it.

While all this is going on, Will *Flies* off to try and locate the crowns, but finds that they're gone. Next, anticipating an awkward gift-giving session later, he does some self-defence shopping and buys Mo and Sheemie Bufflin-style suits from *Bill Suit's Suits*. He also buys presents for Batthwack, Raphina and Rosco and hides them when he gets back to the boat.

Having met up again in the evening, the party set sail down the river on the houseboat, Smee (the first mate and also the houseboat's resident sketch artist) pointing out the sights of Beartoggle as they progress. Raphina presents Will with his cake on a platter. One of the corn dogs, representing the Anglerfish's lure, has been lit instead of a candle, and they all sing. Ricardo makes a brief appearance to warn them about the fire hazard and to brusquely order the houseboat guests back into their rooms. On his way out he reminds Batthwack about their arrangement to meet up later.

It's time for gifts, but Will, in one last bid to deflect, suggests it could be Mo's birthday today (since birthdays aren't celebrated in his culture, he doesn't know when his is). Rosco hurriedly improvises a gift for the lizardfolk: he formally lets the two of them swap voices for a few words. Mo gets right into it. *"Hoypoy boythdoy toy meeee!"* he screams joyfully.

Will can no longer delay the inevitable and Mo gives his gift first: it's his loincloth, which he takes off and hands over. Will speedily retrieves his gift to Mo and helps him into his new suit. Sheemie offers a gift next: it's the *Boots of Flying* that Batthwack had so coveted. Will is taken aback at this extremely generous gift and Batthwack awkwardly glances away when Will looks at him.

Finally Raphina hands over the pumpkin necklace and a scroll describing the activation/deactivation words. Will nervously tries it out and the black tent inflates before his eyes. Raphina also demonstrates the *Ring of Swimming* and the sight of the real oak desk inside the tent with quills and pens beside it, and a comfortable looking chaise longue, leaves Will completely speechless. When Batthwack also hands over the sketch of Tivoli, a single tear rolls down his cheek. *"This is the best birthday I've ever had,"* he says, his voice cracking a little. *"I'm on a boat, in the middle of a river, with a bunch of people I don't know."* He clears his throat before repeating, *"This is the best birthday I've ever had."*

The others leave Will to have a few quiet moments inside the tent, as he stares at the sketch of Tivoli.

## Quotes

* Ricardo Odysseus: *"Batthwack, don't think I've forgotten about our little arrangement. Later tonight, stop by the captain's quarters, let's say... later?"*

## Trivia

* The episode title is a quote from Abby. In an out-of-character section the players were planning Will's birthday. Alex: *"Is there going to be a cake?"* Adam: *"Yeah, there should be a cake..."* Abby: *"We're gonna ask the hotel chef to make a cake."* Eric: *"This is a houseboat."* Adam: *"Wait. You said there's kind of a kitchen?"* *"There's a kitchen, but there's not like a chef."* Abby: *"Okay, so there's no cake, but we'll put a candle in a fish."* Adam: *"Abby, why don't we buy a cake?!"*
* Simon (and his drawrings) on SNL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzHp\_Rb3vCw
* Chia Pets: https://www.chia.com/
* This week's episode description describes the Pork Fried Dice wiki as: indescribable.

## Gallery

*Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice*

## References

1. ↑ Only one crown was hidden; the other disappeared. See episode 290: Between "Gaping" and Other Things
2. ↑ KT mentioned a few gift ideas here, which Eric said could be determined precisely later
3. ↑ See episode 245: Meesa Mo
4. ↑ See episode 287: Next Time You Hear White Noise...