Chapter 51: It's Tough For Me

**It's Tough For Me** is the fifty-first Chapter of *Boku no Kokoro no Yabai Yatsu*.

## Summary

Immediately following the events of Chapter 50, Kyoutarou panics and slams his hand onto his phone, ending the call. He apologizes, saying he was being too loud, and his sister comments on how pretty a girl she was. He stammers out that she is a girl from his class, and Kana replies that she thought she was just a streamer. She can't get over how cute she was, and he tries to bury the discussion by saying it's normal to have friends of the opposite sex, but she says that she really doesn't. He frets, expecting her to be annoying and ask a million questions, or tease him, but instead she lays back down and tells him to do the same. He is amazed that she isn't trying to pry, but then considers Yamada and how he hung up, and a message she sent accusing him alongside a strange stamp of a flaming mantis cat. He apologizes and says that his sister can be annoying, and she offers to talk to her about it. He considers the idea and immediately rejects it in his head, texting her that he dealt with it. She asks what he told her, and he says that he said they were friends, at least for right now. She repeats the "for right now" line happily, and posts a similar mantis cat emoticon, but this one is running, while he ruminates on the fact that his phone doesn't even have "friends" in his autocorrect.

The next day, Kyoutarou is apologizing to his grandmother as they get ready to leave. She says he looks as though he's changed a lot on the inside, even if his outside doesn't show it. On their trip home, they stop at a shop for souvenirs. He finds an Akita Puppy keychain, and his sister proposes they get a matching set. He initially dismisses it, but thinking of Yamada, he gets a pair of the trinket.

Driving home, Kana again brings up Yamada and how scatterbrained she seemed, saying that a girl is more than just looks. She asks their father for backup, and he agrees noncommittally. He sees through her line of thinking and knows that she is thinking he is in way over his head with a girl out of his league. He ponders her words, and how he can't get her out of his head, wondering if she may have a point. Kana asks the girl's name, and he offers it as Yamada, which Kana recognizes as the name on the note she left when he was sick. He initially forgets about it, but when she clarifies, he says it was the same person. After a pause, Kana bursts into excitement, realizing that she came over alone while he was sick, and left him a letter explaining things. He affirms, and she says that she thought it was a guy's handwriting from how bad it is. She leans in close with a smile, and says that there must be a spark between them. He denies it, but she presses him, saying they have to be close. She tries to inform her mother, and he yells at her to stop.

## Trivia

* Yamada's emoticon has the words "almost there" in reference to him calling her a friend, with the potential for more lying in the words "for now."

* Kana initially refuses to tease Kyoutarou over his relationship with Yamada, because she is afraid of hurting him. She is initially viewing the events as him pining for someone way out of his league, and is afraid that mocking that fact could crush him. When she learns that Yamada has already been to their house and took care of him while he was sick, she realizes that he is already on a good path with her, and begins bantering with him over it.