Crank

Also known as the Rosnian Sister

*"JUST JUICE ME" - Crank, right before connecting a Jatalian Brand "Brown Rice-Tritium Infinite Current Generator (Version Gumdrop)" to his tongue and nipples, giving him an absurd amount of power.*

## Summary

Crank is a very powerful character in the Bess Reality. While it's unknown if he's actually an entity or just a Bess Citizen that came about from odd circumstances (see Origins), he's very formidable and capable of holding his own in a fight against the Random Gunfire Guy. He has a unique attribute of requiring electricity to live, thanks to his electrically powered heart. The heart allows him to get "cranked up" from large amounts of electricity or drugs and this bestows insane speed and strength to Crank.

While he's never immediately hostile to most people, he is constantly on the search for someone or something and anyone who impedes his objective will get maimed or killed. Examples of objectives include:

* Getting his old heart back (he's always had an electronic heart)
* Curing a poison that he claims is killing him
* Finding his girlfriend and fucking her
* Finding various drugs (epinepherine, methamphetamine, cocaine, etc)
* Escaping rabid prostitutes
* Killing random unnamed mob bosses

His primary style of fighting is with guns, though he is very proficient in melee combat. He will often use dirty tactics such as shoving something up his opponents ass or using random naked women as meat shields. Whenever Crank attacks someone, the wound is cartoonishly violent; a shot from a pistol can launch out large chunks of flesh and splatter everyone near the victim red, or a single punch can detach entire limbs from the victim.

Jatalian Scientists have come to know this phenomenon as "Force: Square 495 Red", colloquially referred to as "The Crank Force". Meaning, Crank is not actually physically stronger or faster than anyone else, but is able to do more damage because of a unique kind of energy that only he seems to have any influence over. It is thought that his electronic heart influences this force, as the more charged it is the gorier and stronger his attacks become. Though, none of the Jatalian scientists have ever gotten close enough to Crank to test this because he always kills them on sight. It's stated that Jatalian harm-proof technology is overcome by the Crank force.

## Relations

Crank is mainly known as an effective if not unstable gun-for-hire, where he will perform odd jobs for various entities if they can help him complete his current objective.

Random Gunfire Guy: The Random Gunfire Guy and Crank have heated relations towards each other. It's rare that they ever encounter, and even rarer that they fight if they do encounter; but if such a thing happens it's one of the most catastrophic incidents in the Bess Reality. While Crank inevitably loses, the battle between the two causes millions of deaths and destruction as far as the eye can see.

Low Tier God: As Crank is more approachable than the Random Gunfire Guy, the Low Tier God will often hire Crank to perform wet work or kidnappings for him. This agreement ensures Crank is always well supplied to cause any carnage he needs to complete his mission.

Ozymandias: It's theorized that Ozymandias is the one who keeps making Crank go on these retarded quests. Perhaps Ozymandias is doing this to indirectly control Crank, making him act as a sort of proxy for Ozymandias?

The Mimes: The Mimes and Crank used to be on good terms, similar to the terms him and the Low Tier God are on right now. However, it all turned sour when the Mimes promised Crank a crate full of epinephrine in exchange for murdering key targets in an underground insurrectionist group of gay coulrophobic people dedicated to sabotaging the Mimes. After he completed the job, the Mimes started rubbing on his crotch and saying something along the lines of "**I got something even BETTER than epinepherine~"** in an attempt to seduce him. This caused Crank to get a thin piece of wire, pierce his cock with it and stick in a nearby outlet, cranking him up to the point he caught on fire. He then started to go on a horrible rampage inside the Mime Mansion, where no one was left unharmed and no place left sacred. The Mimes refuse to speak to him and Crank vows to kill them if he ever spots one of the Mime sisters again.

## Origins

Crank came into existence during an incident in the far-off land of Rosnia, a part of Jatal. A black and homosexual Rosnian child was traveling to the Rosnian Pride Parade with his partner, Deniqua. The Rosnians secretly homophobic sister was overcome with such rage that she ended up spontaneously turning into Crank. It's noted that turning into Crank is an ability only homophobic Rosnians have, but they cannot do it on command; the right conditions must be in place.

After his sister morphed into Crank, Crank immediately pulled out an uzi and opened fire on everyone in the car. It was a brutal ordeal and everyone in the car except Crank was reduced to bloody bits and pieces. This led to the car crashing and left Crank flying out of the front window, where he ended up landing inside the dreaded land of Easy Street. Since Crank doesn't look too out of place compared to a normal Bess Citizen, the Brutes of Easy Street immediately started raping him. This proved to be a fatal mistake, as the static electricity generated by the vigorous thrusts charged Cranks' electric heart to a degree that it enabled him to overpower his attackers and blow them away with a random gun he got somehow.

He managed to escape Easy Street sometime after this ordeal and is now roaming the Bess Reality. He managed to accidently fling a giant fat glob of shit on The Clowns' face while running out of Easy Street.

## Interbess Period

Crank acts as a Legendary Mercenary for Hire during the Interbess Period. He has no objectives during this time, meaning he can usually be found in the largest settlements, if any form. He is usually very well off, second to only the Mimes, since his rates are so high. He's commonly used to clear out Squidward Caves and either sides with the Gooners or the Snout-Bearers, though his alignment is weak and can be easily persuaded with money.

If you wish to hire Crank, you will need to collect a couple of legendary items (such as Ricks' Nuclear Revolver) and trade with him. This is always a worthwhile investment, as Crank is by far the best companion you can get in the Interbess Period.

## Additional Information

Video Recording of his Origin: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNymh9oH\_bI&t=200s

Theme song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCKlE6vI1xU