Barbara And Jessica's Night Shift A SpongeBob Parody.

## **ANOTHER FANFICTION USING THE CHARACTERS FROM DC SUPER HERO GIRLS 2019 SERIES**

**Narrator:** Ah, Burrito Bucket's. Metropolis' premiere daytime eatery. Where it will be closing time right about...

**Jessica:** *[talks cheerfully as he switches the "Open" sign to "Closed"]* Now! 8:00! Finally i can rest, *[holds up a placard]* Tomorrow i have a protest in the... *[an unnamed citizen shows up at the door and knocks on it, Jessica drops the placard]* What do you want?

**Random Citizen:** Are you open?

**Jessica:** *[points to the sign]* Read the sign.

**Random Citizen:** *[ignores her]* I'll have a Triple Burrito Deluxe and a double chili french fries.

**Jessica:** No, you won't! We are closed! I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life!

**Random Citizen:** Well, fine, if you don't want my money!

**Shane:** *[says cheerfully]* Money?! *[Shane runs at the door]* You mean, if we stayed open later, you'd give us your money?

**Random Citizen:** *[pulls out cash; and some people appear behind him]* Sure!

**Shane:** Miss Jessica, *[tears up the "Closed" sign]* welcome to the night shift. From now on, the Burrito Bucket is open 24 hours a day.

**Jessica:** *[backs away]* What!? *[crowd of customers barge in cheering and tramples Jessica]*

**Barbara:** Wow! Now we never have to stop working!

**Jessica:** *[gets up]* 24 hours? Really?! Mr. Shane, you can't be serious!

**Shane:** See ya in the morning, girls! I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life! *[leaves]*

**Jessica:** B-b-but Mr. Shane? *[slaps her head and groans]* Ughyou gotta be kidding me!

**Barbara:** Isn't this great, Jess?! Just you and me together for hours and hours and hours and then the sun'll come up and it'll be tomorrow and we'll still be working! *[gasps]* It'll be just like a sleepover! Only we'll be sweaty and covered with grease! *[jumps on cash register counter]* Are you ready to rock, Jess?!

**Jessica:** No.

**Barbara:** Good! 'Cause we've got customers! *[jumps through the window above the register, into the kitchen]*

**Jessica:** *[muttering to herself]* Why i accept working at here? This is the terrible mistake that i made! *[walks to the cash register, a customer walks up to counter; Jessica hands him a baseball bat]* Here. Please hit me as hard as you can.

**Barbara:** Pst, Jess. I'm working in the kitchen *[laughs]* at night!

**Jessica:** *[takes hat off; leans head on counter]* Don't hold back.

**Barbara:** *[cuts to Barbara in the kitchen chopping a ball of lettuce]* Hey, Jess. Guess what? I'm chopping lettuce...at night. *[cuts to Barbara in the bathroom wiping it clean with two sponges on her feet]* Look at me, I'm swabbing the bathroom...at night. *[cuts to Barbara at the grill picking up her knife. She misses the knife and hits the grill; screams]* Owwwwwwww!!!!!!!! I burned my hand!...at night. *[cuts to Barbara near to Jessica in the counter, singing to the tune of Charge annoying her]* Night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, na-na-na-na-night! Night!

**Jessica:** Will you please?! Here, *[hands Barbara a bag of garbage]* give me a moment's peace and take out the trash!

**Barbara:** All right! *[takes bag from Jessica]* Taking out the trash. Taking out the trash at ni— *[stops at the door and stares at the dumpster outside in the dark]* You mean outside?

**Jessica:** That's where the dumpster is, yes.

**Barbara:** I don't know, Jessica, *[leans face against window]* it's kinda dark out there.

**Jessica:** But I thought you liked the night shift.

**Barbara:** You're right! *[lifts bag over her head]* For the Burrito Bucket! *[runs out of the building to the dumpster, screaming and panicking the whole way; throws the trash in the dumpster. reenters the building panting heavily. She snaps her fingers and confidently says]* Piece of cake!

**Jessica:** So you're not afraid?

**Barbara:** *[walking past Jessica]* Pfft, nah.

**Jessica:** Well I am. Especially after, *[looks around, gulps]* well, you know.

**Barbara:** *[stops and turns around]* What? What do I know?

**Jessica:** You don't remember? It was all over the news.

**Barbara:** Tell me, tell me!

**Jessica:** No, no, no, I probably shouldn't. It would ruin the night shift for you. *[gives a sympathetic look, then smiles slyly]*

**Barbara:** *[excitedly]* What happened, what happened, what happened!?

**Jessica:** You mean you've never heard the story of the *[thinks]* "Hash-Slinging Slasher?"

**Barbara:** *[a little confused]* The Slash-Bringing Hasher?

**Jessica:** The Hash-Slinging Slasher!

**Barbara:** The Sash-Ringing, the Trash-Singing, Mash-Flinging, The Flash-Springing, Ringing, The Cr-Crash-Dinging, daa.

**Jessica:** Yes. The Hash-Slinging Slasher. But, most people just call him The Ha---*[breaks into scream]* because that's all they have time to say before he gets them!

**Barbara:** *[begging]* Tell me the story!

**Jessica:** Years ago at this very restaurant, the Hash-Slinging Slasher used to be a burrito chef - just like you - only clumsier. And then, one night, when he was cutting the tomatoes ...it happened.

**Barbara:** He forgot the secret sauce?

**Jessica:** No.

**Barbara:** He didn't wash his hands?

**Jessica:** No!

**Barbara:** Irregular portions?

**Jessica:** No! He cut off his own hand by mistake.

**Barbara:** You mean like this? *[pulls one of her arms out of socket, another one grows back in its place]* Or like this?

**Jessica:** *[surprised and confused]* Huh? How are you doing that?

**Barbara:** *[pulls it again, another one grows back]* Or this? *[does it again]* Or this? *[does it again]* But what about this? Or this, or this, or this, or...

**Jessica:** *[speechless]* Oookey... Except he wasn't like you!

**Barbara:** *[ask with all her extra hands creating a rainbow-like line]* So?

**Jessica:** So it didn't grow back!

**Barbara:** *[screams]* Oh, no! *[all her extra arms lift their hands upwards and run away]*

**Jessica:** And he replaced his hand with a kitchen knife. *[holds up a knife]* And then, he got hit by a bus! And...at his funeral, they fired him! So now, every...what day is it?

**Barbara:** Tuesday.

**Jessica:** Tuesday night, his ghost returns to the Burrito Bucket to wreak his horrible vengeance.

**Barbara:** *[gasps]* But tonight's Tuesday night!

**Jessica:** Then he'll be coming.

**Barbara:** How will we know?

**Jessica:** There are three signs that signal the approach of the Hash-Slinging Slasher. First, the lights will flicker on and off. Next...

**Woman:** *[interrupts]* Hey, can I have some ketchup?

**Jessica:** Oh, here you go. *[hands her ketchup]* Next, the phone will ring and there will be nobody there. *[shows Barbara biting her fingernails]* And finally, the Hash-Slinging Slasher arrives in the ghost of the bus that ran him over. *[Barbara shakes in fear]* Then he exits the bus and crosses the street without looking both ways because he's already dead! *[Barbara eats french fries in fear]* Then he taps on the window with his kitchen knife hand..

**Barbara:** No!

**Jessica:** He opens the door *[pushes her arm to Barbara's face, making it looking like she's a door that's being opened; while doing this she imitates the sound of a squeaky door opening. leans towards Barbara's face, Barbara gulps]* He slowly approaches the counter! *["counter" echoes menacingly]* ...And you know what he does next?

**Barbara:** What?

**Jessica:** You really want to know?

**Barbara:** What?

**Jessica:** Are you sure you want to know?

**Barbara:** What, what, what does he do?!

**Jessica:** *[sneaks up on Barbara, taps her]* He gets ya! *[Barbara screams for about 20 seconds while Jessica is laughing]* Barbara... *[screaming continues]* Barbara I wa... *[screaming continues]* I was ju... *[screaming continues]* I was jus... *[screaming continues]* Barbara that's enough, I was joking!

**Barbara:** What?

**Jessica:** It's not true! None of it's true

**Barbara:** It's not?

**Jessica:** Of course not. Nobody has a knife for a hand. It was all a joke.

**Barbara:** Ohhhhh. *[starts laughing, much to Jessica's annoyance.]*

**Jessica:** *[sighs]* It's gonna be a long night. *[cuts into later in the night. Shows Burrito Bucket with a big sign that says 'Open Forever']*

*[Jessica is shown at the counter reading a book. Jessica hears spooky noises and feels water dripping on her but she doesn't know what it is.]*

**Barbara:** *[on the ceiling wearing suction cups cleaning the roof with a mop and a bucket]* Isn't this great, Jess? *[Jessica yelps]* There's never time to wash the ceiling during the day.

**Jessica:** *[says to herself]* Open 24 hours a day. What a stupid idea! Who wants a burrito at three in the morning?

*[cuts to Garth's bedroom. Garth alarm's clock goes off and he wakes up]*

**Garth:** *[turns off the alarm]* Oh, boy! Three A.M.! *[whips out a burrito from under his blanket and starts to eat it; cuts back to the Burrito Bucket]*

**Jessica:** Just look at this place. It's like a ghost town in here! *[lights start to flicker on and off]* Very funny, Barbara.

**Barbara:** What?

**Jessica:** "And the lights will flicker on and off." Just like the story. I get it. *[realizes no one is flickering the light switch and looks shocked]*

**Barbara:** Hey, Jess, how are you doing that without moving the switch?

**Jessica:** I'm not doing it. It must be the stupid, faulty wiring in here. This place isn't built to run 24 hours a day! *[the phone rings, Jessica picks it up and answers]* What, what, hello? Hello? Hello? *[no one's on the other end of the line]*

**Barbara:** *[walks up to the counter]* Nice try, Jess.

**Jessica:** Nice try, what?

**Barbara:** "The phone will ring and there will be no one there." *[raises her eyebrows up and down and winks. taps jessica playfully, giggles]* Oh, you crack me up.

**Jessica:** Barbara, I'm not doing this. *[hangs up phone]* Oh no, calm down, calm down. All right, what was it? There was the lights, *[lights flicker on and off]* and the phone, *[phone rings]* and the walls will ooze green slime! *[walls start to ooze green slime]* No, wait. They always do that. But what was that third thing? *[hears a motor, turns her head and opens her eyes wide; a bus pulls up to the Burrito Bucket doors]*

**Barbara:** *[walks up to the counter]* I didn't know the buses ran this late.

**Jessica:** They don't! *[the bus pulls away, dropping off a man on the opposite side of the street, all Jessica and Barbara can see is his spooky outline.]*

**Barbara:** Well, they're dropping someone off. *[from the outside, the man lifts his knife, Jessica screams]*

**Jessica:** The Sash-Ringing, Flash-Singing, the Bash-Pinging...

**Barbara:** The Hash-Slinging Slasher! *[starts to cry]*

**Jessica:** At last you understand! We're doomed!

**Barbara:** No, that's not it. *[wipes tear]* I am just so touched that you would go through the trouble to dress up as a ghostly burrito chef and stand on the other side of the street, just to entertain me! you're the best burrito partner ever! *[cries again]*

**Jessica:** Barbara, there are two problems with your theory. One, I hate working at here. And two, how can that be me when I'm standing right here!? *[the man taps on the door with his knife, Barbara screams]*

**Barbara and Jessica:** The Hash-Slinging Slasher! *[the guy walks in the door and up to the counter, Barbara and Jessica hold each other in terror]*

**Jessica:** *[screams and cries]*

**Barbara:** He's going to slice me! Get away! Get away!

**Jessica:** Barbara, no matter what I've said, I've always sort of liked you!

**Barbara:** Jessica, I was playing with your ring at school yesterday but i accidentally dropped it in the toilet!

**Jessica:** Huh? you what?! *[the guy reaches the counter, revealing himself to be just a regular, nerdy guy as he steps into the light]*

**Barbara:** Get away! Get away! You're not welcome here!

**Unnamed** **Nerd:** Can I have a job application? I brought my own knife. *[holds up knife, his sleeve rolls down his arm to show he has his hand]* I called here earlier, but I hung up 'cause I was nervous.

**Barbara:** Do you have references?

**Jessica:** *[lets go of Barbara]* Wait, if that was you on the phone and you on the bus, then who was flickering the lights? *[lights flicker on and off; Barbara, Jessica, and the Unnamed Nerd look over and camera darts over to see a vampire flicking a giant light switch]*

**Barbara, Jessica, and Unnamed Nerd:** Nosferatu.

**Nosferatu:** *[smiles, light turns off]*