RQG 56 - Trench Coat Capers

## Content Warnings

Prejudice against fantasy races (gnomes), nonconsensual drugging, gagging, physical violence/combat, minor character death, explosions, societal collapse, description of injury (inc. SFX), mutilation

## Summary

The Rangers try to work out whether to take on La Gourmande, or escape Paris with Oscar Wilde. Some people want to have a chat with Mr. Wilde, and things get... tense.

## Synopsis

Wilde and the party are facing some combatants. Everyone, apart from Bertie, notices two
sinister-looking figures in front of them; they’re wearing full, tatty overcoats, wide-brimmed hats, and Hamid notices they seem slightly mis-proportioned. The figure at the far end of the street steps out, and speaks gutter French, asking to speak with Wilde. Wilde says they need to leave now; the figures are from La Gourmande, and then Hamid casts *magic missile*.

During combat, the two figures move in a strange way that isn’t completely human. It’s later revealed that they are not two figures, but four gnomes, with two standing on the others’ shoulders. The gnomes are dressed in
full combat gear and seem to be professionals, looking to capture Wilde. They drop what looks like a barbed gag over Wilde’s mouth, in an attempt to stop him spellcasting. None of the gnomes are speaking to each other audibly, but they all seem to be working cohesively together.

The gnomes all turn invisible and attack. Wilde is unconscious, the party has Tanglefoot bags thrown at them and they all become entangled, and the episode ends.

## Quotes

**Alex**: "Bertie, you see two people. That's the sum total—there are two people on this street as well as us."
**Bryn**: "Which two hasn't he noticed? Hamid and Sasha?"
**Alex**: "Y'know what, we can, we can randomly determine, oh, Bertie doesn't know he's there."
**Bertie**: "I'm if anything the most noticeable. I think, therefore I am. Ah! The nightmare of existence!"
―Jokes are made about Bertie's low perception.

**Ben**: "Just open their trench coat and thousands of rats appear!"
**Lydia**: "Or just like one very tall spider that's using like six of the legs to do magic tricks."
**James**: "Wow, it's a spider that's, like, quite shy and so needs a coping mechanisms at parties."
―The players crack jokes before combat begins.

**Bryn**: "Good rolling people! I mean apart from Zolf."
**Ben**: "It beats the usual three I guess."
**Lydia**: "He's got sea legs, it's still... he's on land, it must be wobbly."
―The team makes initiative rolls.

**Ben**: "I've got Inflict Moderate Wounds so, I will walk up to One."
**Lydia**: "Trudge, trudge, trudge, trudge, trudge..."
**Alex**: "Poke."
**Ben, *as Zolf:***: "Sod off."
**James**: "Wow. Poké-gnome. Go."
―Zolf casually attacks one of the gnomes.

**Ben**: "Why are all our enemies so sarcastic? All of them! None of them are like, "oop! That was—", they're all like "*Oh, **bless**.""*
**Bryn**: "It's almost like they're all run by the same slightly irritating little nerd."
**Alex**: "Hey what can I say, what can I say, y'know what I'm, I'm okay to—"
**Lydia**: "Bryn only says that because he knows that he's a big nerd."
**Ben**: "He only says that because he missed with the *scorching ray* and he's really salty about that."
**Bryn**: "I'm *really* upset about that!"
―Zolf misses an attack.

**Ben**: "Also, that will teach that gnome for trying to slash with a piercing weapon. *Don't swing a rapier*!"
**Bryn**: "Good point. Good point well made."
**Ben**: "*You idiot gnome*!"
―The gnome misses an attack on Sasha.

"Ah I see, so we can't hit them, and they can't hit us. This will lead to a short and intense, exciting fight!"
―**Bryn**

**Lydia**: "My Acrobatics plus is eleven, so it's gonna be really hard to fail."
**Alex**: "Welcome to why when we were discussing this I was going "that is *slightly* OP but I'll allow it", she's going "it's not *that* OP ... "—your Acrobatics is plus *eleven*!"
―They discuss one of Sasha's feats.

**Alex**: "Wilde, who got a penalty to his action because of what was going on, takes a Fort. save, and fails."
**Bryn**: "Fort. save against poison maybe?"
**Ben**: "Horrible gag poison."
**Alex**: "He immediately drops prone."
**Ben**: "Thanks Wilde, you've been ever so helpful."
―Wilde is poisoned by the gnomes.

"I'm just a man! I'm just a man with watery legs!"
―**Ben, about Zolf**

**Lydia**: "With just, with the power of humiliation."
**Alex**: "Shame is a very powerful ally."
**Ben, *as Zolf***: "I take it you're the clown of the posse?"
―Zolf continues to thwart the gnomes.

**Bryn**: "If he rises from prone you get an attack of op., so... and you have a weapon now."
**Ben**: "That's true actually... yeah, I'll just, I'll just, I'll just threaten them, that's basically it."
**Bryn**: "I love it—he falls over, you steal his sword, he gets back up, you stab him with it."
―Zolf steals the rapier from one of the gnomes.

**Alex**: "You take half damage!"
**Bryn**: "She's got Evasion, she takes no damage! You duck the *fireball*!"
**Alex**: "And you were all like, "aw Evasion? Rubbish!" You just dodged a full explosion by going, "ooh that looks a bit much", and then just kind of... *didn't get hit*."
**Ben**: "I'll hide behind this piece of string I have!"
―Sasha successfully evades an attack.

"So angry right now, Bryn. I am very angry. He just swapped the dice out again because obviously that one's *broken*."
―**Ben**

**Alex**: "The one who is beside Zolf, on the floor, rolls away for five feet."
**Ben**: "Ha ha—oh he takes a five foot roll... nerd."
**Alex**: "However, because Pathfinder is Pathfinder, he can't stand up, because that's a full round action."
**Ben**: "Ah I'm just gonna follow him around the battlefield!"
**James**: "Just kicking him lightly."
**Ben**: "*Where you goin'? What you doin'? What you doin'?*"
―Zolf continues to attack the gnomes.

**Alex**: "Roll well."
**Ben**: "Uh no, I refuse."
**James**: "You can't tell me what to do, you're not my real mum! I can roll as poorly as I like!"
**Alex**: "There's some people you just can't help."
―[add context]

**Lydia**: "Just a little nick on his shoulder, almost a friendly..."
**Ben**: "Something to remember me by."
**Alex**: "Again, and again, and again, and again and I stab and I stab and I stab—"
―Sasha attacks one of the gnomes.

**Bryn**: "Twelve, that's an 18 on a ranged touch attack!"
**Alex**: "It is a hit!"
**Bryn**: "*Oh boy.*"
**Alex**: "How much damage are we dealing?"
**Lydia**: "Oh my gosh... oh my word."
**Bryn**: "Twenty three damage! *Hello boys, the Sorcerer has arrived!*"
―Hamid successfully attacks with *scorching ray*.

"You actually did amazingly well in an attempt to turn over a car using only your face."
―**Alex**

**Ben**: "Ooh that's not bad, um, that's a 19! That's not a 19, it's a 17, plus 2, it's a 19 accidentally, yay!"
**Alex**: "That's a hit, I'm glad we went on that roller coaster journey!"
**Ben**: "That's what it's like to be me! Uh ... f-four? Four."
**Alex**: "Stop... giving me numbers with questions marks, this is, this is not an okay way of functioning!"
―Zolf stabs one of the gnomes in the face.

"You're so *casual*. For the whole thing it's just been like "I'm doing amazingly well, ha ha, ha ha, take that, have at you, ha ha.""
―**Alex**

**Ben**: "Right, I'm gonna do a Heal check to find out how his poison's going, uh what, what the crack is."
**Alex**: "Go for it."
**Ben**: "*Balls.*"
**Alex**: "That's, that's not what it is, that is a misdiagnosis."
**Ben**: "Still a, still a 14."
**Alex**: "It turns out he, he, he does not have a serious case of the disease known as *balls*."
―Zolf tries to figure out what poison is affecting Wilde.

## Dice rolls and Mechanics

Everyone makes a perception check in advance of the fight:
Bertie gets a 5, Hamid gets a 24, Sasha gets an 11, Zolf gets a 12.

Everyone makes a perception check to see what’s draped over
Wilde’s head: Zolf gets 23, Hamid gets 24, Sasha gets 15.

## Combat Breakdown

Initiative: Hamid gets a 21, Zolf gets a 10, Sasha gets a
22, Bertie gets a 20.

Hamid gets a surprise round and casts *magic missile* at the
two assailants (one beam hits each). He does 5 damage to the one at the far
end, and 2 damage to the closer one.

Sasha runs at the one at the end and tumbles through his
square (rolls 30 on Acrobatics) before sneak attacking the figure. Rolls a 12
on the attack, misses.

Hamid casts *scorching ray* at the one in front of him; the
fire comes slightly from his mouth. Rolls a 13 on the flat-footed touch attack,
it misses.

Bertie takes a 5-foot step and attacks the figure in front
of Hamid. Rolls a 17, it misses. The figure is still moving weirdly.

The figure in front (referred to as Number 1) separates in
the middle – it is two gnomes standing on top of each other. The one on top
flips and lands next to the one on bottom. Two more figures appear behind Wilde.

Zolf goes to one and casts *inflict moderate wounds*. Rolls a
natural 1, misses.

The second figure turns into two gnomes. One of them flips
to land behind Sasha. Succeeds on the acrobatics check. Misses the attack and
drops their rapier.

The gnome below Sasha also misses the attack.

Sasha tumbles over the gnome on the roof, succeeds on the
Acrobatics check with a 21. Misses the attack with a 4.

Wilde fails a fortitude save and drops prone.

Hamid backs off, casts *magic missile*. Targets the gnome Zolf
missed with both beams. Gnome takes 8 damage total.

Bertie attacks the one immediately in front of him. Rolls a
17 on the attack, misses.

The two that attacked Wilde turn on Zolf. The first tumbles
to directly behind Zolf, critically fails the roll. Zolf gets an attack of
opportunity and misses the attack with a 5. The gnome ends up next to Zolf, prone.

The other gnome hits, deals 5 damage.

Zolf grabs the rapier from the other gnome – successfully disarms
them, rolling a 21. Threatens them.

Gnome in front of Sasha tumbles over them, fails their
acrobatics check. Sasha takes an attack of opportunity, rolls a 17 on the
attack and misses.

The lower gnome successfully tumbles, takes an attack, and
misses.

Sasha tumbles away from the gnomes – makes the acrobatics
check with a 22- and avoids the attack of opportunities. She successfully throws a bomb with a roll of 18,
does 8 damage to the gnome who was damaged and 2 splash damage to the one who
wasn’t. The car explodes. Sasha makes a reflex save to halve damage,
successfully makes the check by rolling a 23, and uses Evasion to fully dodge it. Both of the
gnomes are prone and took a decent amount of damage.

Wilde cannot do anything.

Hamid casts *magic missile* at the gnome in front of Zolf, does
6 damage.

Bertie rolls to hit the same gnome as before, rolls a 15 on
the attack, misses, and swears at the gnome.

Both the gnomes near Bertie drop their rapiers and draw
composite bows.

The gnome next to Zolf rolls away for a five-foot step.

The gnome squaring off against Zolf and stabs, just makes
the attack roll. Zolf takes 2 damage.

Zolf takes a five-foot step toward the one on the floor,
still threatening him, and uses his icicle ability on the one who stabbed him. Misses the attack.

The gnome in front of Sasha whistles, takes his full action
to stand up.

Sasha rolls to hit and makes it with a 21, deals damage (how much is not stated).

Wilde rolls over.

Hamid casts *scorching ray* on the gnome that he hit with *magic missile*, rolls an 18 and hits, deals 23 damage. The gnome is down.

Bertie takes a step forward and attacks the gnome in front
of him, rolls a 24 on the attack, deals 14 damage.

The gnome Bertie didn’t attack tumbles on top of the vehicle
and shoots at Hamid, misses on the attack.

The gnome Bertie hit flips on top of the vehicle and misses,
Bertie takes the attack of opportunity and hits on a 20, dealing 14 damage. The
gnome is down. The other gnome whistles again.

The gnome in front of Zolf pulls out a bottle and drinks.
Zolf misses the attack of opportunity, and the gnome turns invisible.

Zolf attacks the gnome that turned invisible, hits the gnome with a 18
and deals 2 damage. Leans on the rapier.

 One of the gnomes
that exploded runs around the corner.

Gnome in front of Sasha flips away successfully, makes a
beeline toward Wilde.

Sasha charges the gnome going after Wilde, hits with a 22 and deals 2
damage.

Wilde is having a lovely time.

Hamid goes to stand next to Wilde and casts *scorching ray* on the gnome that shot at him and missed. Successfully hits with a 20 on the attack, does 13
damage.

Bertie attacks the gnome on top of the carriage and charges
at the carriage to knock it over and crush the gnome. Rolls a 9, crashes into
the car.

The gnome on top of the car pulls a bottle out, drinks it,
and turns invisible.

The invisible gnome in front of Zolf pulls away from the
rapier.

Zolf takes a five-foot step to stab the visible one in the
face. Successfully makes a hit with a 19, deals 4 damage.

The gnome that dropped the rapier turns invisible.

The gnome squaring off against Zolf tumbles onto a vehicle,
fails the check and both Sasha and Zolf get an attack of opportunity. Zolf
misses with a 16, Sasha misses with a 17. Gnome drinks an *invisibility* potion.

Sasha goes to pull Wilde’s gag off, successfully disables the
device with rolling a 15. Wilde doesn’t respond.

Hamid casts *mage armor* on Wilde.

Bertie cuts off the ear on the gnome lying on the ground
near the exploded car.

Zolf will grab the prone gnome and drag him over to Wilde.

Sasha pours a potion of *cure light wounds* down Wilde’s throat – he gets 5 HP back.

Hamid casts *mage armor* on Zolf.

Bertie gets a 3 on a perception check – slams the gnome
headfirst through the car.

Zolf does a heal check on Wilde, gets a 14. Not sure what
the poison is.

Four readied actions go off – 4 attacks. Nat 20 hit on
Bertie. They throw Tanglefoot Bags at all four of them: everyone is hit. Zolf
uses Freedom of Movement to not be hit. The party all make reflex saves: Bertie
gets a 15, Zolf gets an 8, Sasha gets a 17, Hamid gets a 15. None of them get
glued to the floor. All of them are entangled, however.