July 4th, 1995

## Tara

**\*\*\*Posted July 5th, 1995**

**4th of July****Independence Day. It's funny how these days I relate to holidays personally instead of patriotically. Or maybe that's not so funny.**

I usually am bored by these things, but tonight there was a stellar fireworks show. A guy named Steven from Michelle's work took us out on his boat for a July 4th celebration. There's always someone with Michelle, but this time I was grateful. Steven invited the whole Spot gang to venture out for the day. Carrie, Lon, Michelle, Jeff(!) and I were on board, and also a girl named Tomeiko that Steven brought. We might of thought she was his date if it weren't for the fact that he was goofy-eyed over Michelle the entire day. Michelle was coy about the whole situation, saying they're just friends. Obviously it's strictly by her choice, not his. He would give his precious yacht for a date with her.

Do you ever notice how holidays are never as fun or exciting as you plan them to be? It's like too much thought or planning or projection ruins what could have been a perfectly good day. Not so on this July 4th. Everyone got along perfectly. Carrie and Lon seemed to be mending their friendship through their off key rendition of the Gilligan's Island theme song and a few cocktails. Also, there was no Britt and no Joanne to keep them at opposite ends of the boat.

Jeff seemed to even like Tomeiko. There was no outward enthusiasm or flirtation on his part, just energy. Very interesting to watch. She's the kind of person who is lit from within. She didn't need to say a word for that to be noticed. Jeff and Tomeiko didn't talk all that much, but everyone on the Spot Yacht could see they were tuned into each other.

And Michelle, like I said, was busy being drunk in by Captain Steven, who proceeded to get plastered on Seabreezes and then start a conga line on the perimeter of the boat. This was fine with me, until he got a little too playful and jumped into the ocean singing "You put the lime in the coconut." Fortunately, we were docked and Captain Steven was a helluva swimmer. He got out of the water looking shocked and a little embarrassed, and then cuddled right up to the nearest hot pink bikini for warmth.

As for me, after awhile, I was alone enjoying taking in the sun and the ocean. For the first time in too long, I actually got to sit uninterrupted and think about what ever the hell I wanted. Or maybe that wasn't such a good thing. I looked around and saw all my friends around me having a great time, and I felt so...content. Then I looked deeper, I looked at myself, and realized that I wasn't. Content, that is.

I don't mean to be so enigmatic; let me elaborate. I am happy and grateful that The Spot project is going so well. This sort of creative freedom is what I have always dreamed about. I am happy and grateful that I am healthy and independent and that I am finding work in the film industry (even if it's just as a Production Assistant!) Jesus, it's not Thanksgiving! Everything is fine, OK? Everything but that one thing, the elusive thing: L-O-V-E. I am completely aware that all things in my life points to being in non relationship mode. I am busier than I have been in my entire life, with school, The Spot, e-mail! I barely have time to brush my teeth before bedtime, and my head feels like its got this little motor on it that keeps me going a million miles a second. But every now and then, the loneliness creeps in. And when it does, I always know why. It's that one missing detail.

I hate to whine. I'm thinking I need to just do something about this. Pursuing an unmarried man might be a good choice. My Women in Film class has admittedly begun it's downward spiral since I have decided once and for all to stay away from my male Professor, which is fine since finals are coming up. Suddenly it seems as though a woman teacher would be more appropriate to teach a Woman in Film class. I almost hate to say that. I am interested in film in and of itself, no matter what gender the teacher, but somehow, Alex Samuels made it all more exciting. I'm trying to wall up those feelings I had for him. I just need to redirect my attention. End of story.

Then there's the man I left in Paris. Sacha's letter is eating away at me. Or should I say eating away at the pillow it has been sitting on since it arrived. I'm sickened by my own disgusting romantic sensibilities, but I really want to see him again. Don't you think this feeling would have long ago subsided if there were nothing really between us? I'm feeling compelled to find out. I'm thinking it might be time for a vacation. Before I start eating my own flesh.

Or perhaps being discontent is the one thing that keeps me going. Maybe it's the reason I work so hard.

**Happy 4th of July. Enjoy your own independence.**

**July 4th, 1995**

## Carrie

Not seemed to be archived besides:

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## Michelle

\*\*\*Posted July 5th, 1995

**Happy July 4th.****Our Spot holiday at sea was awesome. Steven's got this 36 footer (grow up) that is just so cool. It sleeps 8 people, has a kitchen with a dishwasher and microwave, an upper deck where the bridge is. The boat's got this radar system that scouts out all land masses for two miles in every direction. If everybody had one of those in their car, there might be less accidents.**

**Speaking of accidents. Steven let me drive the boat. It was my first time captaining a ship. I did paddle a canoe in summer camp once, but this was totally yacht-chic. Steven stood behind me with his arms wrapped around, holding the wheel. You know, "just in case." Yeah, right.**

The only strange occurrence of the day happened at dusk. Everybody was waiting for the fireworks to start. I had walked out onto the bow of the boat alone and was staring out into the calm waters when I heard my name whispered on the wind. A sweet female voice... "Michelle." I turned around quickly and there was Steven standing behind me. Did you hear that!? I asked him. I think Steven was totally spooked 'cause he didn't answer me, he just nodded.

Anyway, I think everybody had a great time together. We stayed out into the evening watching fireworks. I was actually a little scared that I'd see my ghost in the fireworks or something, so I kept turning my back or closing my eyes.

Nope, not today.

**Michelle**

July 4th, 1995
## External links

* Tara's entry
* Lon's entry
* Carrie's entry
* Michelle's entry