Chinese Sweatshop

**Chinese Sweatshop** was an American-Colombian supergroup. They were active from September, 2016 to February, 2017. The band began when Kareem E. Britches (then known as "Yazzy Yeff") invited his childhood friends Zander Toboggans, Andre Mookies, Beverly Bearfish to form a band. The original lineup was rounded out by Colombian musicians Diego Pendejo and Pablo Cabron. Later members included Chowder Grogan, Nasty Banana, Randy Butternubs, M.C. ISIS, Hiroshima Jones, and Dili Pickles. The group released multiple songs under the Guinea Pig Records label through the end of 2016.

## History

### Formation

Following the death of his backing band, The Rockets, Britches sought new musicians to accompany him on his records. After numerous ads went unanswered, Britches decided to recruit three childhood friends: Zander Toboggans, Andre Mookies, and Beverly Bearfish. Despite the fact that none of the three actually played instruments, Britches was able to convince the record label to bring them onboard as a side project after throwing his feces at the label's Executives.

The band members' inability to play instruments proved problematic in early recording sessions. Thus, Britches sought out help from two Colombian musicians he hitchhiked with from Brazil: Pablo Cabron and Diego Pendejo. The two quickly agreed as they were looking for lodging after escaping authorities in their native Colombia. The two quickly taught Toboggans to play the Triangle, Mookies to play the Drums, and Bearfish to play Bass Guitar.

Subsequent recording sessions resulted in the band's self-produced debut single: "Sweatshop Boogie". Toboggans, unable to figure out a way to both produce and play triangle, began petitioning the label to bring in an experienced producer. Ultimately, the label settled on Hambone Records Producer Poopsie Goouche.

### The Goouche Era

Goouche first recording session with the band came on September 20 when he oversaw recording of their song "Parisian Nights". Goouche was both surprised and disappointed by what he perceived as a lack of talent amongst band members. Moreover, Goouche frequently argued with Britches over creative and hygienic differences. Nevertheless, the group managed to record and release two Goouche-produced tracks: "Parisian Nights" and "Soggy Undies".

Tensions between Britches and Goouche came to a head on October 3, 2016. While recording Chinese Sweatshop's next song "Animal Noises", Goouche halted the recording after Britches refused to stop moaning. Eventually after a heated exchange regarding when the next food break would happen, Britches flung his own feces at Goouche, hitting Goouche in the face. Goouche was restrained by Cabron and Pendejo and escorted out by Britches's father. Due to the traumatic experience, Britches was given warm milk and a tummy rub from his mother. The next door, Guinea Pig Records formally terminated Poopsie Goouche's contract officially ending the Goouche-Era of Chinese Sweatshop.

Unfortunately for the band, Goouche removed all of Chinese Sweatshop's tracks from SoundCloud. Furthermore, he held all the master tracks on his computer.

### Animal Noises

Disgruntled by Goouche's actions, the band returned to the studio for their song "Animal Noises". Britches radically reworked the track to include multiple spoken-lines played in reverse that took shots at Goouche. These lines included "Fuck Poopsie Goouche", "Poopsie Goouche has a two inch peen", and "I hope Poopsie Goouche gets eaten by a pack of hungry cats". These lines fit the overall experimental pop theme of the track. The song also featured recorded sounds of various animals fornicating, burping, a man (presumably Britches) urinating, and an electric-triangle solo. The song alienated fans of the group and has been described by music critics as "bad".

The band finished the year with one more track: "A Little Piggy Christmas". The song was based on Britches' personal tragedy at a prior Christmas when his parents failed to get him the new car that he wanted. As the year ended, so to did what many considered to be the "Golden Era" of Chinese Sweatshop. The start of the next year would spell many changes within the group.

### Cabron's Departure, Grogan, Banana, and Butternubs

On January 30, 2017, a fight broke out in the studio between Toboggans and Cabron that resulted in Cabron being arrested; and ultimately extradited back to Colombia to be tried for over a dozen charges including drug trafficking and homicide. Cabron was soon replaced by Britches' friend Clem "Chowder" Grogan. Grogan took over lead guitar duties from Cabron. However, his abilities were limited by the fact that he only knew how to play the main riff from "Smoke On The Water" by Deep Purple. Despite this, the band managed to work around the limitation and release two tracks: "Clowning Around" and "Sanitation Graduation". During these recording sessions, Toboggans collapsed and soiled his trousers. He was rushed to a local medical clinic where he stayed for over two weeks after Britches forgot to pick him up. Toboggans collapse was believed to be related to the beating he took from Cabron.

The brief Grogan-Era came to an abrupt end when he was arrested in connection to the murder of labelmate Vanilla Rice. The group then brought in English guitarist Nasty Banana (previously of Nasty and the Bananas). However, Banana only lasted a single session before he declared the band to be "bloody terrible" and walked out, stealing Britches' Chrysler 300 as he left.

After a string of bad luck, the group finally caught a break when Buttnernubs ran into session guitarist Randy Butternubs at a Dunkin Donuts. The two hit it off and Butternubs eagerly agreed to join the band. With a stable lineup once again, the band began working on new material. Butternubs joined the rest of the group in backing Pendejo's first solo track "Caso Cesta (Persona Loca)".

With Butternubs in the mix, there was a newfound enthusiasm amongst most band members. Yet the good spirits were not shared by Britches himself. Britches felt as if his leadership role had been surpassed by Butternubs and Bearfish. Despite the fact that Butternubs and Bearfish had no desire to usurp Britches, he begun treating the two with animosity. Britches would interrupt recording sessions, sobbing loudly about how Butternubs and Bearfish were gonna go solo. Britches' behavior proved to be a significant impediment as the group was unable to produce a single track, creating a sense of frustration among Butternubs, Bearfish, and Pendejo.

### Dissolution of the Original Lineup

Britches' fears proved to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. His behavior alienated Bearfish and Butternubs. The relationship between the two sides was irrepairibly broken when Britches approached the two demanding they accept Cheese Pizza as payment in lieu of money for their past and future royalties. Enraged, Butternubs and Bearfish left the group and formed their own group: Twenty One Pilots.

Inspired by Bearfish and Butternubs, Pendejo relocated to Mexico to pursue a solo career (in conjunction with joining a local drug cartel).

Chinese Sweatshop attempted to continue as a power trio, but health problems soon plagued the band. Mookies was forced to retire after being diagnosed with Zoozittacarzay. Injuries from the fight with Cabron left Toboggans unfit to perform and he was therefore relegated to a production role. With Britches left as the only fit member remaining in the band, he was forced to host auditions for new bandmates.

### New Beginnings

After making multiple posts on Facebook seeking new musicians, Britches hosted auditions at a local Denny's. Over five people responded to the ad. Britches was not impressed with any of the five responses, but was intrigued with a customer who he met in the Denny's bathroom named Dili Pickles. Britches was impressed with Pickles' unorthodox philosophy, as Pickles was defecating in a urinal at the time. Feeling he knew all he needed to, Britches extended an invitation for Pickles to join the band, which Pickles quickly accepted.

Britches then took to a local shopping mall to scout for potential talent. Eventually he came upon a Sushi stand at the food court and heard singing coming from the kitchen. Despite the cashier's protest, Britches ran into the back and found the source of the voice to be Hiroshima Jones. Jones was eventually convinced to join the group after Britches gave him $500.

Needing one more member, Britches' searches continuously came up empty. Eventually, Britches remembered that he was Muslim, and thus took to his local mosque to scout. Eventually he came across an aspiring rapper: M.C. ISIS. Eager to break into the industry, ISIS immediately accepted Britches' invitation. With the new lineup firmly established, the group took to the studio to record a new song, appropriately titled "New Beginnings".

Almost immediately, it became apparent that the new lineup lacked chemistry due to their differing backgrounds and musical styles. Britches sought a return to a pop sound, while Pickles desired a rap-rock style. Jones was adamant that the group embrace the City Pop style popular in his native Japan. Finally, ISIS wanted a pure rap track that harshly criticized American Imperialism in the Middle East. Unable to reach any sort of compromise, the group simply combined four separately recorded tracks. The result was a nearly inaudible disaster which angered executives at Guinea Pig Records. The label reluctantly put the track out. Despite being marketed as "the return of Chinese Sweatshop", the track failed to garner any support from the public, and was pulled from SoundCloud shortly after release.

Already suffering from a lack of success, the new lineup of Chinese Sweatshop suffered a further blow when M.C. ISIS was arrested for Conspiracy to Commit Acts of Terrorism. As it turned out, his name was not ironic, and he was in fact a member of ISIS. He has conspired to blow up a Blockbuster Video, but was unable to do so as he could not find a Blockbuster. M.C. ISIS was taken to Guantanamo Bay, where he currently resides.

Unwilling to endure the process of finding a new fourth member, Jones left the band abruptly. Meanwhile, Pickles, who had moved into Britches' house uninvited, refused to leave the house as he suddenly developed agoraphobia. Thus, Britches once again found himself alone.

After much deliberation, Britches decided to dissolve the band. On the morning of February 25, 2017, Britches made an official announcement on Facebook.

### One Last Show

An hour after making the announcement on Facebook, Britches was surprised by Bearfish and Butternubs showing up at his front door. Despite past disagreements, the two felt guilty about the way they had left the band abruptly. Thus, they returned to Britches and proposed one last final live performance in order to bring proper closure to the group. An ecstatic Britches then attempted to get the remaining former bandmates into the mix.

Britches was unable to convince the Illinois Department of Corrections to grant a temporary release for Grogan. He also attempted to get Cabron back from Colombia, but his lack of Spanish proficiency proved to be an insurmountable hardship. However, Britches was able to convince Pendejo, who happened to be in town on a drug-running mission. Both Toboggans and Mookies were eager to join the reunion in spite of their medical situations. Thus, the lineup was set and the label began searching for a venue. The label was forced to settle with the rooftop of a local Little Caesars as Britches demanded the concert be performed that evening.

At 5:00 PM, Chinese Sweatshop took to the rooftop and began preparing. An obvious problem became quickly apparent as Mookies had lost his hands to Zoozittacarzay. Britches, thinking quickly on his feet, shoved two drumsticks into Mookies' arm-stumps, and secured them with gorilla glue. Toboggans was given a pack of cigarettes to play.

The band performed an abbreviated setlist consisting of their songs: "Parisian Nights", "Sanitation Graduation", and a brand new track entitled "The End". The group then performed Britches' classic hit "Cremed The Britches" which included an improvised six-part fart duel between all band members. After an ecstatic crowd of two demanded an encore, the group came back out to finish up the night with their debut single "Sweatshop Boogie".

As the group lined up to take their bow. Sadly, Toboggans slipped during the bow and fell off the roof and onto his head. Despite some minor brain damages, the injury proved to be minor. Prolonged exposure to the cold February conditions left Mookies with frostbite over 90% of his face. The label had planned to record the concert for distribution, but Britches spilled beer on the recording equipment, ruining it. Regardless of these setbacks, the group considered the night to be a massive success as well as an appropriate end to Chinese Sweatshop's tenure.

### Solo Ventures

#### Randy Butternubs and Beverly Bearfish

Butternubs and Bearfish returned to their group Twenty One Pilots. On February 27, the duo resumed their *Emotional Roadshow World Tour*. Twenty One Pilots played their first show back in Tampa, Florida on February 28. They played their final show on the North American leg of the tour in Louisville, Kentucky on March 5.

The duo then prepared to embark for the Oceanian leg of the tour. On March 11, 2017, the duo flew out of Chicago Executive Airport onboard their private DG Flugzeugbau DG-800. The flight's destination was Wellington, New Zealand. Tragically, the plane made it 50 miles into its 8400 mile journey. Around 1:00 PM, the DG-800 crashed into a field near Sandwich, Illinois.

Both Butternubs and Bearfish died on impact as their bodies suffered from acute traumatic injuries. The scene was so gruesome that even the local coroner allegedly vomited upon first viewing. Both corpses were severely burned and missing limbs. Even more unfortunate was the fact that the coroner forgot to bring the bodies with to the morgue. By the time he realized this mistake, five days had passed. Upon returning to the scene, the coroner discovered that the bodies had been largely consumed by local squirrels.

#### Zander Toboggans and Andre Mookies

The aforementioned health problems forced both Toboggans and Mookies into retirement immediately following the band's comeback show. A visit to Pigerton General Hospital on March 10 showed that Mookies' Zoozittacarzay had progressed to his appendix necessitating an immediate blood transfusion. Toboggans' eagerly volunteered for the blood transfusion. The procedure was performed by Dr. Reggie Pepper. Unknown to either Toboggans or Mookies, Pepper had lost his medical license nearly two decades before, and was actually employed as a custodian at Pigerton General.

At around 6:09 AM the morning of March 11, Mookies underwent the operation. However, the Zoozittacarzay had progressed too far and the surgery was unsuccessful and he perished while on the operating table. Dr. Pepper delivered the news to Toboggans, but the doctor realized that he forgot to halt the blood from exiting Toboggans' body. Surely enough, by the time that Pepper discovered his mistake, Toboggans had lost 101% of the blood in his body. Thus, within a matter of minutes, Chinese Sweatshop had lost two of its founding members.

#### Diego Pendejo

Immediately following the reunion show, Pendejo returned to his home in Mexico to continue his drug trade.

On the morning of March 10, Pendejo's friends arrived at his home, but were unable to reach Pendejo. He was officially declared missing that afternoon. A search party was called off after an unsuccessful hour looking for Pendejo. The next day, Pendejo's mutilated head was found impaled on a pike outside of his home. He was declared dead after paramedics unsuccessfully attempted to perform CPR.

Authorities soon discovered that Pendejo had borrowed $5 from a known member of Las Zetas drug cartel. Pendejo was delinquent in paying off the debt by approximately two hours. In response to this transgression, Las Zetas leadership decided to make an example of Pendejo. Authorities later discovered this incident to be a tragic case of mistaken identity. By coincidence, Pendejo had moved next door to another man named Diego Pendejo (who was indebted to Las Zetas). In response to this revelation, Las Zetas took to Twitter to offer an official apology to Pendejo.

#### Pablo Cabron

For the entire month of February, 2017, Cabron was held in an unknown Colombian prison on trafficking charges. While it was initially believed that the charges were related to drug trafficking, this was actually a mistranslation. Cabron was held on a 9-year old traffic citation.

Believing he was facing more serious charges (as he had in fact engaged in drug trafficking), Cabron resolved to take his own life rather than face life in prison. On the morning of March 11, prison authorities discovered Cabron in his cell having hung himself with his belt. Ironically, authorities were coming to tell Cabron that he was free to go as soon as he paid a 250 Peso fine (equivalent to $0.04 in USD).

#### Chowder Grogan

After being found guilty for the murder of Vanilla Rice, Grogan was sentenced to death via boiling at the Statesville Correctional Facility in Crest Hill, Illinois. On March 10, 2017, a day before his scheduled execution, Grogan escaped from Statesville via the plumbing system. During the escape, Grogan became stuck in one of the pipes for some twenty hours. Hours of inhaling fecal fumes caused Grogan to vomit profusely throughout the duration of his entrapment. Eventually, Grogan lost enough weight to allow him to escape the pipe and make it into the sewer system. After finding his way out of the sewer, Grogan cleaned himself in a gas station restroom.

Shortly after emerging from the restroom, Grogan was attacked by an unknown assailant. The assailant shot Grogan eight times with a Chinese Type 54 Pistol which was found at the scene. Grogan was rushed to a nearby hospital but died in transit.

The unusual choice of murder weapon led authorities to believe that Grogan's murderer was affiliated with the North Korean government. It is believed that Vanilla Rice came from a prominent Chinese family that were heavily involved in North Korean politics. However, the North Korean government's refusal to cooperate has frustrated any efforts to solve the case of Grogan's murder.

#### Nasty Banana

After leaving Chinese Sweatshop, Banana went missing. As of August 22, 2021, his whereabouts are still unknown. Reporting sightings of Banana have occurred in various locations, including: London, England; Glasgow, Scotland; Lake Bluff, Illinois; Tegucigalpa, Honduras; and Brest, France.

## Legacy

Though brief, critics often regard Chinese Sweatshop as "a band who made songs". Unfortunately, much of their catalogue has been removed from SoundCloud and lost to time.

Today only a few of Chinese Sweatshop's tracks are available online. These tracks are "Soggy Undies", "Halloween Queen (Friday The 69th)", and "Sanitation Graduation". These songs are available on Kareem E. Britches' album *The Brown Album*.

Kareem E. Britches released a tribute song in honor of the deceased members of the band entitled "All My Friends Are Bread".

According to Britches, there are no current plans to bring back Chinese Sweatshop with a new lineup.

## Band Members

### Original Lineup

* Kareem E. Britches - Lead Vocals, Farts, Burps, Vomit Sounds, Urination Sounds, Pooping Sounds, Sobs, Moans, and Hambone (2016-2017)
* Zander Toboggans - Lead Vocals, Rap, Backing Vocals, Electric Triangle, and Hand Claps (2016-2017)
* Andre Mookies - Drums, Percussion, Backing Vocals, and Hand Claps (2016-2017)
* Beverly Bearfish - Bass Guitar, Rhythm Guitar, Piano, and Backing Vocals (2016-2017)
* Diego Pendejo - Rhythm Guitar and Backing Vocals (2016-2017)
* Pedro Cabron - Lead Guitar, Rhythm Guitar, Violin, Keyboards, and Backing Vocals (2016-2017)

### Later Members

* Chowder Grogan - Lead Guitar and Backing Vocals (2017)
* Nasty Banana - Lead Guitar and Sitar (2017)
* Randy Butternubs - Lead Guitar, Rhythm Guitar, Violin, Banjo, Mandolin, Harmonica, Keyboards, Drums, Vocoder, and Backing Vocals (2017)
* M.C. ISIS - Arabic Rap and Backing Vocals (2017)
* Hiroshima Jones - Japanese Vocals, Keyboards, Lead Guitar, Rhythm Guitar, and Bass Guitar (2017)
* Dili Pickles - Bass Guitar and Backing Vocals (2017)

## Discography

### Singles

* Sweatshop Boogie (2016)
* Soggy Undies (2016)
* Parisian Nights (2016)
* Animal Noises (2016)
* Halloween Queen (Friday The 69th) (2016)
* A Little Piggy Christmas (2016)
* Clowning Around (2017)
* New Beginnings (2017)
* The End (2017)