The Regional Sales Meeting

***The Regional Sales Meeting*** is the title of the third chapter of Belinda Blinked 1, and is the chapter covered in the third episode of the first season of *My Dad Wrote a Porno*, released on 12 October 2015.

## Description

*This week, Belinda gets to grips with her UK wide sales team and a few after-work drinks at a hotel bar get a little out of control. One word - pomegranates...*

## Featured Characters

*(In order of appearance):*

* Belinda Blumenthal
* Tony Sylvester (mentioned only)
* Bella Ridley
* Jim Thompson (first appearance)
* Des Martin (first appearance)
* Dave Wilcox (first appearance)
* Patrick O'Hamlyn (first appearance)
* Ken Dewsbury (first appearance)
* Giselle Sylvester

## Featured Locations

* Steele's Pots and Pans Head Offices
	+ Conference Room (first appearance)
* Heathrow Airport (mentioned only)
* The Bull in the Rushes (first appearance)
* The Pentra (first appearance)

## Introduction

*Prior to starting the chapter, Team Porno discuss:*

* Jamie welcoming James and Alice back and reintroducing the podcast
* The title being the least sexy thing ever and a signal that the chapter will be mostly admin

## Synopsis

Belinda has an early breakfast and is in the office for 7.30am since this is an important day for her - her first meeting with her UK sales team. She has no particular views on them (just lots of third-party information about the calibre and performance of these four managers) and there are also twenty-or-so salesmen who reported to them on ground, and she has fairly pessimistic views on the sales operations of the company as a whole. However, in sales you can always be surprised, especially when talking to people in confidence and getting them on board to accept your way of doing things - Belinda is good at this, and Tony knows it, which was probably why he hired her. There was no indication in Tony's business plans that he wanted to fire the entire sales force and start anew - "develop what we have" is his mantra, after all. Belinda had already thrashed out a strategy with Tony in her first three weeks of induction to the company - if a salesman or a manager showed any signs of performance, keep them. Belinda is tough, but not mercenary, and she would use all of her talents to make the existing sales team work - she just wonders how much she would have to get them on side. 9 o'clock comes and Bella rings her from reception, telling her that the two northerly sales managers want to be picked up from Heathrow as they cannot find a taxi to the offices, which Belinda thinks is because the taxi fare is too low - classic. Belinda picks up the phone to speak to her Sales Administration Manager, Jim Thompson - her "Mr. Fix It" - and asks him to rescue the managers from the airport, which he agrees to, taking the pool car. A knock on the door reveals her London and Home Counties Regional Sales Manager, Des Martin, who greets Belinda and tells her about her "man from the west", Dave Wilcox from Bristol. Belinda tells Des to call her Belinda as he eyes her shapely legs and ass. Belinda thinks that she likes Des for his confidence, sophistication and good looks - but cannot get past his bad sales performance. She leans back in her chair, pushing up her breasts. She asks if Des is ready for the meeting, but Des responds that today is the first time anybody has ever taken interest in the activities of the Regional Sales Managers, while also admiring her tits and wondering how long it would take to get them into his hands. A second knock at the door announces the entrance of Dave Wilcox, the Western Regional Sales Manager, who complains about the traffic on the M4. Jim Thompson calls Belinda and tells her that the two sales managers will be in her office in three minutes, prompting Belinda to agree to start the meeting at 10am.

In the upmarket conference room Jim introduces Patrick O'Hamlyn, the Regional Sales Manager for Scotland and Ireland, and Ken Dewsbury, Regional Sales Manager for Central and Northern England, who are like chalk and cheese - Patrick a fast-talking Irishman born in Dublin, and Ken from South Yorkshire - God's own country - with an accent to match. Calling the meeting to a halt at noon after Patrick and Dave had given their hour-long presentations (although Belinda could've asked enough questions to extend their presentations to three hours each) as she needs an overview and could get the detail later working with them in the field, Belinda takes the RSMs to lunch at the local pub - the Bull in the Rushes - for a drink and a sandwich and tries to work some of her female magic. In the ladies' toilets she removes her jacket and bra, running the cold tap and dabbing the water onto her nipples to make them stand to attention. She leaves the toilets, putting her blouse back on but leaving three of the five buttons undone to show her cleavage big time, the silk in the blouse quickly becoming transparent and clinging to her stellar breasts. She walks back into the bar and observes the effect on the sales team - only two of the managers notice the change immediately and she spies some eager elbowing around the table and wry smiles from the northeners. Jim chuckles to himself, having heard the rumours from Bella and Giselle. The afternoon sessions are equally professional with Ken Dewsbury impressing Belinda a lot, showing wit, style and competence in that order. However, Belinda sees that Des Martin is a true pro with London bearing and obvious sales talents indicating that he would be her first port of call to finding out how the other RSMs tick. By the end of the meeting Belinda's blouse had dried out but the chafing of her nipples against the dry fabric ensures that they would still be noticed. Belinda wonders who has the guts to make the first move and, in her short closing comments she suggests they head to the Pentra Hotel beside Heathrow Airport, meaning the two northern managers could easily catch their flights to Leeds and Glasgow and the rest could drive back after the rush hour traffic. She also asks Giselle and Bella to join her team for drinks, and they were eager as mustard when they found out it would all be on Belinda's expenses.

Jim Thompson drives the three girls up to the Pentra, which overlooks the Heathrow runway, and they meet up with the RSMs. Jim finds seats at a table tucked in the far corner of the room, with Belinda starting proceedings by taking off her jacket and downing her G&T in one; Bella follows alongside Giselle, who spills some of her drink on her blouse and has to go to the restroom to dry off. She returns, like Belinda did in the pub, without her bra and ready for action, just in a white translucent blouse showing off her to-die-for nipples. Jim is on the ball and orders 2 replacement G&Ts while Bella gathers the drift of the drinks sessions and unbuttons her blouse and removes her jacket, revealing her cleavage as she already wasn't wearing a bra, prompting gasps of admiration around the table. Giselle flicks some tonic water on Bella's nipples, achieving the desired results. She unbuttons the rest of her blouse allowing her breasts to reveal themselves in their full glory. Ken chokes over his pint of bitter while the other three regional managers chant quietly, "who's next? Who's next?". Giselle also unbuttons the rest of her blouse, allowing her tits to hang freely like pomegranates. Ken asks Belinda to follow through and she smiles and asks for a 10% sales increase in the next month, which Ken agrees to, prompting Belinda to unbutton her blouse to let her tits fall loose. She massages her nipples with her fingertips while taking another drink as the RSMs all clap in admiration - never had they had a sales meeting like this before, and with three stunning pairs of tits like these, they could do anything. As Jim goes to get drinks the girls begin to finger and compliment each other's nipples. Patrick and Ken take their leave to catch their flights, looking back at the table many times as they leave to catch another eyeful of the tit at the table - how they wished they had the guts to finger those breasts. As it gets later Belinda thinks it sensible for the three of them to do up their blouses again so as not to be mistaken for prostitutes as Des and Dave say their goodbyes to Giselle and ...Donna?

Belinda thanks the girls for helping her keep abreast of her sales team and suggests they have one more G&T to finish off the night. As Jim pays the tab they drink up slowly, reliving the looks of the RSMs as they exposed their breasts. Bella/Donna thanks Belinda for an interesting night and asks if there will be any more events like this coming up. Belinda replies, "let's wait and see, let's wait and see".

## Notes

* This chapter has been branded by both the hosts and fans alike as one of the most boring chapters in the entire Belinda Blinked series due to its excessive business jargon and lack of sex, with Alice ending the episode begging the listeners to come back for the next episode.
* This chapter is the first sight of Rocky using the word pomegranates to describe breasts, which has become a fan-favourite phrase in the series and the basis of several pieces of merchandise.
* This episode is the first instance of the hosts using an Irish accent to replicate Rocky's voice.
* Jamie says that he feels a connection to Belinda which prompts James and Alice to ask if there's anyone he knows whom Belinda may be based on, which he denies.
* Alice and James think that Dave Wilcox's name is Nigel or Graham or Lucian before his name is revealed after mocking the pedestrian names used for most of the characters thus far.
* Throughout this episode Jamie comments on Belinda actually having personality for the first time in the book.
* Due to the boring nature of the chapter, Alice asks if Rocky's wife Wilmer actually wrote this chapter.
* This chapter is the first time the Glee Team all go out for drinks together, and also contains the legendary moment where Bella is mistakenly called Donna by Belinda.