Magic Milk Saga

**Magic Milk**

The children’s game known as “Magic Milk” found it’s origins in Nairobi Desert (Realm 678), this early form consisted of children hurling a large amount of chocolate milk into the air, however it landed would “determine their fate” and they would return to their homes to await the events told in the prediction.

In modern times, it exists in a much simpler form, participants will ask a simple question before flipping a carton of chocolate milk, if the carton lands on its bottom, the prediction will come true. If it does not, the prediction is false.

So of course, our merry band of idiots chose to do something idiotic again…

The trio, now joined by various friends including Weebus, Big Spence, and a random Chicken. Jaison decided that they would play a little game to help quell the boredom that usually follows after the release of a video. He decided that they would play their own game of Magic Milk, but with betting, because he decided that the normal version was “too childish.”

In order to acquire the amount of Chromosomes needed for each person to actually bet on the game, Jaison and his merry band of munchkins needed to find more entities to actively participate. First was SkittleZ (you may remember him from Chapter 14) who, by some stroke of absolute genius, lay hungover at the edge of a riverbed. Our posse dragged his limp body to the edge of the bridge they had happened to park on, and then promptly jammed him into the trunk of Jaison’s Toyota Prius. They made sure to poke holes in the door so that he could breathe.

The next entity on their list was simply known as Dave, he was known for his skill in Star Trek Online, and the fact that he was completely obsessed with the franchise. He was by far the easiest to kidnap. When the trio attempted to grab him, he began to scream like a maniac. If anything, his screams encouraged them.

The final group of entities consisted of Jaison’s school friends, affectionately nicknamed “The Bucket Boys.” Most of them were complete degenerates, Avirey, for example; had a variety of inappropriate photos depicting anime characters on his handheld device. Keaton was a Furry. Nicholas was a short tempered introvert whose anger was usually equivalent to three atomic bombs. Gage acted like a teenager pretending to be insane and was very horny. And finally there was Jacob and Chase, the most sane of the group, Chase seemed to be in a constant state of sleep deprivation and nihilism, while Jacob was just Jacob.

The game started off in a relatively humorous fashion, each participant cracked jokes and made idle conversation. The air was crisp and everyone was getting along. But soon the betting began…

SkittleZ was the first to place a bet of 5,000 Chromosomes against Lactose. Lactose was incredibly confused due to the fact that SkittleZ was a much lower classification compared to himself, the mere thought that such a lowly being had such gall to wager against the Lactose the Intolerant was so ingrained in his mind now, it was the only thing he could think of. Voices in his head were screaming at him to kill the little shit, or counterbet, or do anything, Lactose could not lose Chromosomes.

This is ironic because Lactose is a Chromosome factory, constantly producing more from seemingly nowhere, he has an infinite supply.

Lactose counterbets with 10,000 Chromosomes.

SkittleZ picked up the carton and asked a question “Will I win this bet?”

The milk landed on its bottom…

Next was Peebus who, rather smuggly, bet 800,000 Chromosomes against Avirey of the Bucket Boys. Peebus was absolutely sure he would win the bet, his smug expression showing his plan in great detail, but Avirey was equally as malicious.

Avirey bet 1,600,000 Chromosomes against Peebus, Avirey would not actually be able to pay this debt if he were to lose, but taking risks was one of his strong suits.

Peebus whispered a question to the mystical milk “Mmmm Peebus.”

The milk lands on it’s side, Avirey wins the 2,400,000 Chromosomes.

“Guys take it down a fucking notch.” Chase muttered from the background

“You’ll waste up your reserves early and have nothing to bet later, idiots…”

Chase was indeed correct, the group allocated all of their Chromosomes into a small box, they would be divided out by Chase, who was deemed the most fit to hand out the goods.

SkittleZ bet 1 Chromosome against Peebus, who, shocked by the dramatic change in pace, was looking much less smug. Peebus accepted and SkittleZ asked yet another question.

“Is Peebus gay?”

The carton lands on its bottom, again…

Jaison stepped up next with a bet of 12 Chromosomes, which he levied against Keaton. Keaton counterbet with 34 Chromosomes. Jaison only uttered a single word…

“Walmart?”

The milk landed on it’s side, Keaton gains 46 Chromosomes…

It was becoming apparent that SkittleZ had a plan, he had been planning from the start, his plan involved the game, but in what way, had they involuntarily helped him to reach his goal?

Jacob chose to bet next, it seemed he wished to test Dave’s mental fortitude, Dave counterbetted with a sum of 67 Chromosomes before Jacob could even say a word.

The game goes on.

As the game raged, naturally, the bets began to increase in value, Jaison had managed to procure 80,000 Chromosomes. Keaton seemed content with his 46, while SkittleZ chuckled quietly in the corner with a total balance of 18,000,000 Chromosomes. Lactose continued to seethe with anger, he was currently huddled in a corner, scratching his head quite violently. Everyone continued to bet more, sums grew larger, relations grew much more hostile, and everyone was sweating profusely.

SkittleZ approached Lactose one more time, betting a total of 15,000,000,000,000 Chromosomes against him. Lactose accepted on one condition, he would ask the question.

“Can I win just once?” he pleaded.

The milk landed on it’s side…

SkittleZ eagerly held his winnings, but something was amiss. Lactose was silent, still, unflinching

Lactose inhaled violently…

**The Goons**

Lactose was incredibly angry that a lower being such as SkittleZ could be capable of outsmarting him. Twice. He let out a shrill scream of pure rage.

The scream had a purpose…

Hands began to claw from under the ground, unearthing their hideous forms, Lactose had summoned his Goons, clad in hooded trench coats and gas masks, each wielded an axe cobbled together from various metal scraps. Most of them reeked of Chromosomes and each screamed in such an autistic manner that even Peebus was frightened.

Lactose had summoned more than his goons however, an aura of red energy was now surrounding Lactose as he summoned his stand Star Plot Device.

Lactose, in his enraged state, could not seem to separate friend from absolut arch-enemy and instead ordered the goons to simply attack every participant of the game.

\*Goons are created when a Phil kills three of it’s brethren\*

After fifteen minutes of extreme bloodshed, there was silence, and then the Scoundrels moved in. Scoundrels are created when a Goon kills five other Goons and are incredibly buff and large. Each wears a football helmet and goggles, a vest with a single bandolier of shotgun shells, very tactical gloves, and incredibly tight and furry pants which cut off circulation to their feet; not that they cared, they were too powerful to worry about their tissue dying. Each Scoundrel was equipped with an Ithaca 12 shotgun firing incendiary shells, the extra being stored on the bandolier.

The fight against the Scoundrels (yes, there were 57 of them) was exponentially more difficult when compared to the legion of 69,420 Goons that had fallen before them. Scoundrels not only had actual muscle mass when compared to their school shooting brethren, they also had more than one brain cell each and didn’t spend their weekends huffing paint in Detroit. Jaison was the first to be overpowered, he was subjected to a violent 4-way tackle on all sides, and his booty was not safe. Next was SkittleZ, unsurprisingly, he attempted to surrender to the Scoundrels, who proceeded to attack him with various wrestling moves of varying intensity.

Above all of the commotion, completely unaffected by the chaos below, Big Spence had just materialized after a 17 second training montage, he was now so buff that even Ryan Reynolds, the lord of all and gaymaker, would probably have stared.

Although the Scoundrels had managed to overpower just about everyone who had participated in the game, they could not stop the unstoppable force that was Big Spence. One of the Scoundrels had attempted to punch him, but he simply punched the Scoundrel square in his fist, forcing it up through his forearm until it hit his elbow, the wave of gore was exquisite. The second to attack attempted a leg grab, similar to something a UFC fighter would use, his arms were separated from his torso within a manner of seconds. A third one (who obviously did not get the bloodstained memo) attempted to straight up shoot the now Super Saiyan Big Spence,as the pellets were about to hit him, Big Spence stuck out an arm and opened his hand as if to stop the bullets. Time itself froze, and when it began again, the third lie on the ground, peppered with an indescribable amount of holes.

Realizing that attacking Big Spence was actually suicide, the Scoundrels began to attack one another, violently…

**The Cursed Goon**

“47 Goons become one, execute until it is done, Shillelagh…”

Despite having 18% of their ranks completely destroyed by the unstoppable meat wall that was now known as Big Spence, the still living Scoundrels continued to kill each other for no reason.

Except there was a reason…

Once all of the Scoundrels had fallen, one stood back up. He was completely silent, giving off immense black air force energy. Suddenly, his body was enveloped by a black substance, we’re talking omega black, blacker than blick black blickity black blicker than black yo cuz I’m black and I’m back. The black material continued to swarm around the now absolutely massive form, it was shapeless and continuously shifting every which way. Suddenly, and quite alarmingly, a single distorted scream managed to escape the singularity of pure blackness, the form promptly dissipated into a large puddle, still very black.

Suddenly, the puddle sprang to life, bubbling and emitting a hoarse groan, a sharp clawed and very moist hand ascends from the depths of the puddle. Following the hand was an arm, and after that, a shoulder. Slowly but surely, the being made its presence known as it excited the puddle. Once it had completely surfaced, it let out a low moan, sending ripples through everyone around it. Its face, perpetually dripping with ooze, took the shape of an old gas mask (the type with the hoses) with its eyes bulging forth from the semi-solid black mass. Like the Goons and Scoundrels before it, the creature was clad in red military-esque garb, with a large tank slung around its back and an empty bandolier crossing its chest. Its hands were long, fingers extending quite far, and sharpening to points at the end, the arms also dripped with goo from about the elbow downwards. Its legs were entirely composed of the black fluid (the pants covered most of them), with two massive, evenly spaced toes poking their way outwards, their appearance was incredibly similar to the beings fingers.

The creature let out a far more disturbing howl before suddenly vanishing from sight, sending cracks through the ground towards the participants. Everyone scanned the area until they found it, holding Jacob just slightly off the ground. It made swift work of him…removing his head and spine effortlessly…not a drop of blood was spilled…but Jacob was no more…

The Cursed Goon was merciless and swift, it had Kayoined SkittleZ through the chest within 3 seconds of Jacob’s death, violently throwing the wannabe rapper into the nearest wall. The next who attempted to fight the Goon was Lactose himself, seemingly free from his trance, The Cursed Goon easily overpowered it’s former master, grabbing each of his arms and delivering a swift frontal kick towards his chest, a loud crack was heard as Lactose flew backwards. Jaison jumped onto the Goon’s back, attempting to wrench the tank from it; he was also flung backwards.

With everyone who had challenged it defeated, the creature let out a bellow of what can only be described as cautious excitement. However, Big Spence had recovered from the shock that was Jacob’s beheading, he immediately disappeared from view, reappearing within an inch away from the Goon, they were now face to face. The very air around the two beings seemed to ripple with power, they continued to stare each other down…

Big Spence was the first to attack, punching the being square in the face, his hand seemingly phasing through the creature's oozing cranium. Next, he delivered a swift and precise kick to the beings supposed liver, still no effect. Big Spence attempted to perform one of his most deadly techniques, The Dunk of Death, but it was then that the creature sprung into action. Its movements were inhuman, it contorted and extended itself in a myriad of ways in an attempt to make contact with its opponent, and it was working. Each strike struck Big Spence with the force of a freight train that had reentered the atmosphere, Spence began to flinch with each successive blow. The flurry continued. Big Spence managed to land a few counterhits…but it wasn’t enough…the creature just kept going. Each successful strike was now accompanied by a loud cracking sound, as if Big Spence’s bones were shattering to the power of the Goon.

Big Spence had fallen…

It was at this crucial moment that a blinding light manifested within the crimson skies. An incredibly powerful being was choosing to involve itself in mortal affairs, just this once, as if the Goon were allowed to live, the Omniverse itself would fall to its strength.

This being was known simply as Brooke.

Brooke is a Dragon-level entity whose creation involves Peebus giving his brother an incredibly convincing lap dance. The two Peebusian’s sheer power fused into one penultimate being, unshackled by the throes of mental illness that plagued the rest of Peebus’ offspring.

The Goon sprinted forward at blistering speed, claws bared, heels arched, it lowered its body as if to tackle the deity. Brooke simply stuck out her hand, stopping the creature in its tracks, a shockwave emanating from the site of impact. The Cursed Goon wrestled itself free from her grasp, attempting to claw at her torso. Brooke tapped the creature on its chest, and it began to melt. A series of inhuman, distorted shrieks escaped the creature’s melting body as it slowly became the puddle of goop that had spawned it. Within seconds, The Cursed Goon was no more, but the damage it had wrought would last a lifetime…