TargetToad gets sent to the backrooms

## Prologue

**The Back Rooms are a rather, well let’s just say, negative place, for someone to find themselves in. A long, seemingly unending maze faces all those who make the mistake of clipping through their walls or doors. Where you do not want to encounter another human being nor stick with anyone you encounter. What we have on tap for tonight is a tale, a rather shitposty tale concerning a band of goons roaming aimlessly about the backrooms, alongside the many ghoulish beasts along their way. Some friendly, some, well, let’s just say they don’t respond “Ah, thanks” when presented with the US Cellular Center. Which, if any, of our gaggle of greasy guys make it through the backrooms and see their friends and family again? Now I wouldn’t wanna spoil it for you now, would I? Let’s meet some of our hapless hooligans.**

## Character Introductions

**On the date of July 10th 2020 your boy Jessabah aka TargetToad aka T-Sizzle aka cum cannon was in the vc wit da boyz discussing the ceiling titty when your boy Quad City Dawgz dares TT to throw it back, then there was a horrific shaking and TT clipped through da wall and ended up in what looked like the Torture Room from the Dilly Dilly Bud Light commercials run by a man who used to work at Sears. After seeing this, your boy Harvard exclaims, “By golly”.**

**On a late night at 10:30 PM, Juan was gaming with da boyz on The Hive, as you do, Sitting there on his bed on Discord Mobile. After playing Solo Build Battle with da boyz and finishing in 2nd place, Juan exclaimed, “Darn”, he then regretted this for his dad marched into his room and loudly exclaimed in his hispanic accent, “GET YO ASS TO BED BEFORE I GET THE BELT!” Juan was then very cross and slammed his Nintendo Switch Pro Controller, this seemed to be a bad mistake for Masahiro Sakurai was summoned and dragged Juan into the floor sending him to THE BACKROOMS! DUN DUN DUN!**

**On the date of 7/10/20 the individual known as Ben the QB was throwing what he likes to throw, dimes, at an unreliable target, also known as a throwing net. After this excursion, Ben broke the net because of the sheer amount of roids he took, he gets told that his parental figures have acquired some hash browns from Dunkin Donuts, which is Ben's favorite breakfast place. Ben runs inside and trips over himself and clips through the doggy door. When appearing in what the hip children know as THE BACKROOMS, Ben cries out in shame, terror, sweat, pus, and blood.**

**The date was July 10th, 2020 when Mactheknife was hosting his much acclaimed terrestrial radio show “That Show With DP Mcintire” on WKRP Raleigh 101.9 FM, on every weekday from 10:00 AM Eastern Standard Time to 2:00 PM Eastern Standard Time. He was having a rather intense conversation concerning the intricacies of ancient Chinese duck wrestling when he received a call from our main character Josaba. When Mac picked up the telephone he exclaimed**

**“Yo yo yo! Welcome to That Showizzle with Dick Part Mcintire!”**

**In response, our main character Jesse Harvard Reed replied “Hey Mac, it’s your boy Jesse from Lutz, Florida, and I would like to discuss with you the greatest Arena Football League team ever, the Tampa Bay Stooooooooooooorm”**

**At this point, Mac was instantaneously sent into a fury unrivaled by any man in history. He slammed the phone back on to the base, shattering it into a bajillion pieces. Afterwards, he attempted to kick his desk. However, he stubbed his toe, which he responded to by exclaiming “FUDGEONARCKLES!!!!” as through this rage he clipped his way into the backrooms.**

## Level 0: The Shrekoning

**The buzzing of the lights, the piss colored walls, the brown shit stained flooring, after feeling as exhausted as a dog that hadn’t had milk in 37.2317 dog years, but was actually only one room passed, Cum Cannon arose and encountered his first entities presiding over him. Upon viewing such a beast AfGrizzastan puzzledly let out “Wait a minute, you’re not my sleep paralysis demon, are you?” Before hearing a rather faint “Spooiooiooioo” prior to the mysterious figure just like, fucking vanishing. It was really weird, not gonna lie.**

**Anywho, after a long stroll, he finds a rather young, spirited lad in one of the rooms wearing a Quad City Steamwheelers muscle top and sea green khaki shorts all capped off with a sick new pair of Yeezy kicks. Upon seeing the child, rationally, the massive fan of the McNeese State Cowboys walked up to him and asked “Quad, what the hizzeck are you doing here? You were the one who asked me to throw it back!” To which NMiller2005 responded “Long story, but it involves the Vancouver Grizzlies and cocaine.”**

**The two gents galloped merrilly about until they encountered a hooman wearing a Florida Marlins jersey, TargetToad loudly exclaimed, “I remember you from a political rant I started”, Mac then replied, “Stfu, your arguments are a load of shit, get recked libtard”, Quad City shouted, “Stop this scuffle fathers”. The three men heard a noise in the near distance, it was none other than the man, the myth, the legend, JUAN, simping for some random fucking bimbo he just added on Snapchat. What a fucking loser lul. Some man ran into the room stating that they all will die from some fucking virus from China, he was known as Flugal, but also he was a dumbass so uhhhhhh, onwards and upwards and all that.**

**After walking and walking in what seemed like circles, T-sizzle stated, “Man, I could kill for some meatloaf”. Juan replies “with ketchup?” to which Dartmouth stood up and said “Yes, with ketchup” probably thinking he was a badass or something.**

**After walking for what seemed like 45 seconds Juan exclaims “sorry sluts, cocktober is over”. At this point they hear a car engine and out appears Chrag, once Chrag spots the band of goons he floats towards them at mac 10 speeds chanting "Rydyn ni wedi adnabod ein gilydd cyhyd, mae'ch calon wedi bod yn boenus ond rydych chi'n rhy swil i'w ddweud, y tu mewn rydyn ni'n dau'n gwybod beth sydd wedi bod yn digwydd, rydyn ni'n adnabod y gêm ac rydyn ni'n mynd i'w chwarae” to which Juan pulls out a steel folding chair and hits Chrag in the femur. After this Chrag dissipates.**

**After walking for an hour Mac the Knife exclaims “By Golly I seem to be fading out of existence, bruh”. To which Walmart Frog turns around and sneakily remarks “Yeah dude, you’re no longer relevant to the story, come back when you’re wearing a cool T-shirt or something, I don’t fucking know” and continued marching on. The gang in one of the very long hallways encountered a teenager in the fetal position naked and covered in some mysterious fluid that I, as the narrator, don’t exactly feel comfortable describing in great detail. The gang checked in on the kid, who was shivering and quivering “Ph-ph-Philly Sp-sp-special” with fear in his voice. To which Quad gave him his muscle shirt for warmth.**

**Then, out of nowhere, TargetToad rips one and stinks up the joint.**

**After some time of watching the make out sesh, they hear a feminine “dammit”, they investigate and observe our hip hop homie Ben the QB, who is trying to throw dimes but can't quite get it.**

**After the wall jiggled and wiggled for a while, the ground began to shake, then a Japanese man by the name of Masahiro Sakurai said the words, “Quad City, it’s time”, then Quad City replied with a “Yes father”. Then Quad City gets grabbed and gets brutally dragged down to hell, aka Nintendo Land with unopened copies of Nintendo Land for the Wii U.**

## **Level 1: Tax Paying Fun**

**The gang turned on the lights to find themselves, rather than in a carpeted room with piss colored walls, this was covered in cold solid concrete. They could now hear more than just the hum of fluorescent lights, but rather, they could also hear the sounds of the Tampa Bay Storm choking an 8 point lead to the Philadelphia Soul in Arenabowl 30 followed by John Sabol proclaiming that “The winningest team in arena football history, won’t be around next season” which was the funniest shit I had ever seen before Richard “Rick” Sanchez turned himself into a pickle.**

**The gaggle of goons started wandering about their new surroundings, as the band was marching forward, Buba was drawn near a dark room with a single candle lighting up a Femoid Fathead on the wall, Buba pops a boner and rushes in. He then came to realize he was such a simp and The Doobie Brothers would call him a fool, there was a loud growl of a certain beast, there was a figure that looked like Jenny, TargetToad’s Fiance. Buba shot a few pickup lines and Jenny asked for his number, horny, he gave it to her, then Jenny turned back into The Stalker and dragged Buba into the darkness. Buba yelled at the top of his lungs “I’M NOT A BANDWAGONER!!!!”, but the gang was too far ahead.**

**There was a rumble of someone’s stomach, turns out it was TargetToad’s, he then repeated the same question as before, “Man, I could kill for some meatloaf with lard”, Juan replies with, “MMMMM lard”.**

**After some time of naruto running our cluster of cucks get spooked with many members exclaiming “fartknuckes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” when a poltergeist that resembles former gang member MacTheKnife floats by saying, “Im in a AAF shirt”. Once this ends the gang moved on.**

**As the gang went forward, the ground began to shake, coincidently TargetToad was sitting on the floor and the gang asked if he ripped one again, but that came back negative. So, the gang was puzzled, but then, there was a faint “Spoooioooioooiooo” and then 5 Boogie Woogie hands grabbed Joey’s feet and said “You’re taxes are due, and you’re going to hell”, Joey then screamed, “Philly Philly Philly Philly Philly”, then, oh then, Joey was dragged beneath the concrete flooring and was not heard from after, and all the gang could do was sit in awe, as the Boogie Woogies were too powerful to fuck around with.**

**After just watching one of their fellow compatriots get absolutely fucking brutalized by a series of otherworldly tax collectors like they were at H&R Block or some shit. The gang was determining whether it was still safe to continue on or whether they should just resign to defeat like a bunch of cringe ass nae nae babies. But then they found a small room with a chair and a stereo speaker but nothing was playing. After a short time, Benjamin Closs the backup Quarterback went up and pressed the play button but before long, the faintest song began to play. The totally tubular team began to recognize it as the single greatest musical composition written. That being Africa by pop supergroup Toto. After recognizing the tune our band of heroes broke out into a jig celebrating the find. Once the song was over they realized they wasted their time dancing to a shitty song from the 1980s, and carried on.**

**The brood continued after the jig they heard footsteps in front of them, they saw a female in a tight blue suit and Juan yelled, “That’s Zero Suit Samus, the hottest Smash character”. She made her way over to Juan and said, “Hey big boy”. Like Buba, you could tell Juan had a bulge. Samus used her lightning beam move from Smash Bros, and threw Juan up into the ceiling, and then Samus winked at the club of men and jumped up into the ceiling, never to be seen again.**

**Grieving the passing of their simping hispanic friend, the man they forgot about, Flugal, spoke up, “We’re all gonna die from the Coronavirus”. Ben then chimed in saying, “Stfu you doomer” which roasted the hell out of this lad Flugal. Once again they heard a “Spoooioooioooiooo” but it got louder and louder and louder, the gang was all scared for their lives, they then saw all 5 Boogie Woogies standing there, watching them, they all gravitated towards Flugal and grabbed him, TargetToad tried to smack one of the Boogie Woogies but this failed and he was granted additional taxes. Flugal was dragged into a room with a Guillotine and placed in it, his last words were, “I told you so”. Then you heard the sound of an object hitting the floor then the Boogie Woogies took off, to cause more tax collecting mayhem.**

**Da clan is realizing that they have shrunk in numbers when Ra1d3rcs says “by golly, this is not very cash money, I just got done playing Holdfast: Nations At War on Anvil Game Studios” then jman replies “go fuck yourself”, after taking a long stroll they encounter Mr. Clean, Mr. Clean then says “ਬਰੂ” then takes out a pink dildo wrapped in barbed wire and beats Ben’s skull in with blood, bone, and brain flying everywhere. Mr. Clean then walks off whistling to himself.**

**TargetToad rips another one and stinks up the joint again.**

## **Level 2: Electic Booaloo**

**The three amigos stepped out of the elevator, they were greeted by long never ending hallways with flickering lights. After a few hours of walking and huffing the lights randomly shut off.**

**After this TargetToad turns around and says “huuuueeerruegueugh”**

**After the hideous sights, our two heroes were holding on to each other with their legs wrapped around each other while either sweat or piss ran down their legs. We really can’t tell and I don’t wanna find out. After a short time an old poltergeist pal came back over. It was Mactheknife! Mac then ghostly commented to AfGrizzastan “Hello again it’s me! I’m back and I’m wearing a cool shirt like you told me to do! It’s an AAF shirt! Can I be let back into the story?” To which TargetToad obliged. Mac then proceeded to rip Raiders from his arms and sailed away with him proclaiming “Wanna learn about the 25th amendment, little boy?” Leavin Jesse Harvard Reed all alone, forced to take on the backrooms by himself.**

**After watching Raiders get taught about the 25th amendment TargetToad walks through the backrooms when he exclaims “man, I could go for some meatloaf” he then replies “with ketchup?” to which TT then replies “yes, with ketchup” as if he’s some sort of fucking badass or something.**

**In the distance you could hear, “Fruit Salad Yummy Yummy, Fruit Salad Yummy Yummy, Fruit Salad Yummy Yummy, Yummy Yummy Yummy Yummy Fruit Salad” then Yale exclaims “Ah man”. The Wiggles offer TargetToad some fruit salad and he graciously accepts it because he’s not a fucking dick. After eating some of the salad, Cornell feels a little queasy and falls into a sitting up position. TargetRoad is awakened and trapped in a chair, however the bottom right leg is cut down so the chair is in a bad leaning position. During this, TargetBoad is forced to eat rice cakes because “They’re a great way to start your diet”. But Every time Anthony shoves a rice cake in his mouth he can’t help but to scream “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”. All the while watching John Elway highlights. With special focus on every time he absolutely nae naed on Dan Marino’s ass. That dude was such a loser. To add on to this horror, the remote on the desk beside him is out of reach due to the chair leaning.**

**After this, the Wiggles subject our hip hop homie TargetChoad to hot sauce pee pee hole, where one individual pours Gringo Bandito by Dexter Holland of The Offspring hot sauce inside a man's urethra as a form of cock and ball torture. This horror took place while John Elway is eating MildBald91’s ice cream with a comically large spoon. After this excursion the Wiggles use the ball stretcher on Jessabah. At this point things were not very Awesomesauce for our boy Jessoboh, which they weren’t because he was brutally murdered. To deliver the final blow, the Wiggles brought out TT Toliver. TT then proceeded to drown Jessie with an Orlando Predators Jersey baring his name. In his dying breath TargetToad musters his final 4 words, garbled through the water, “I lost the game”.**

## **Epilogue**

**Well well well, our little gang of goons didn’t seem to make it out alive. It was a rather tragic turn of events. We almost thought one of them made it out- oh wait, yeah, wizza made it out. Huh. Wasn’t expecting that. Damn. HEY NATE! DO YOU KNOW HOW THE HELL THEY MADE IT OUT?!**

**“I don’t fucken know, vibe, but at least the others didn’t make it out”**

**Sigh. Anyways, of those we focused on, they weren’t quite able to make it. Some of their demises were, rather brutal to say the least. But at least a few were able to go peacefully with minimal pain. But now you’re wondering, who were these lads? What were they like? Well, dear friend, those are stories for another time...**