Epic Fantasy

**Epic Fantasy** is the 11th Episode of Season 1 of the *ZongueBob and Friends Adventures* series. The Villain Legion has started to become more extremist lately, and with nothing holding them back, the Loungers go to Chronicus to stop them from expanding to unknown and isolated worlds, something which the Villains Act could never do. However they end up separated into different areas on the planet and system, as they go to an Agrabah-like land called Ombrod, a Chinese land at war called Qita, a Medieval France-like land called Frandice, a Never Land-like world called Young Island, and a small-scale magical rainforest land occupied by a Beverly Hills-style town called Distant Lands. They meet new friends like Shog, Pronkes, Felly in Jackboots, Xoriago, Mishi, Uan-Uan, Shi Fau, Mr. Creebe, Voidis, Charuld, Fellou, The Clueless Children, Wilby the Giant, and Daj, who all help them to handle a new threat: Malefion, an evil enchantress who has taken over Frandice in the name of the Fantasy Council's sworn enemy Lord Gothaxort who was offered some fine-ranking lackies who offered an irresistible proposition by the Villain Legion in the form of their new councilmen: Jambar, the son of the treacherous fairy tale villain Jaragat who plans to steal a relic called the Reljim Master Relic that can allow him to control all Reljims (AUU genies) to avenge his father with the aid of a bumbling Negoroid thief named Ebis Ol, Zhou, a troll-like Chinese-like marauder lord who wants to take over Qita using a magical stone that turns people into jade statues, Captain Sharpes, a pirate captain and former first mate of the famous Captain Vu Granse who wants revenge on Taran Pan by actually managing to find the source of Young Island's magic so that he may destroy it, and Tzarkan, a magical knight in the famous family allies of the Fantasy Council called the Dashings who wants to get back the happily ever after that was stolen from him by killing Shog and conquering the Distant Lands. Thus to stop the Villain Legion from doing what the Villains Act couldn't, they must do what they must to stop this alliance.

## Scenes

#### **Prologue**

Never Land

* Swifty: Geez, THIS is 'Never Land'?
* Dibs: The immortality is there, but the imaginative energy is lacking.
* Tubby: And Hangman's Tree? Our tree was WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
* Doodles: It's big.
* Cubby: "It ain't much compared to what you guys know, but it's home.... Though the Carl Situation is annoying."
* Tubby: "Who's "Carl"?"
* Cubby: Captain Hook's cousin who's now in his place since Peter took his hand and got him stalked by a dolphin he accidentally hit on thinking she was a mermaid. (The Clueless Children laughed)
* Dibs: (Laughs) What's a mermaid and dolphin?
* Cubby: "..... Oh, right. You're AUUians."
* Slightly: "We can always just introduce you to them. Come fellas, it's off to Mermaid cove with us."
* The two kids walked off, as they were watched by Captain Carl and Smoo.
* Captain Carl: "...... (Quietly) Smoo, we have the best opertunity to get Pan yet!"
* Smoo: "(Quietly) Let me guess, it involves messing with those kids?"
* Captain Carl: That and...
* Smoo: The mermaids?
* Captain Carl: You bet.
* Smoo: Why're you so obsessed with them anyway?
* Captain Carl: I'm lonely, okay. My ship is comprised of a d\*\*\*-measuring competition. A guy needs a girl every once in a while. And no, the dolphin doesn't count on grounds of bestiality.
* Smoo: "Well, it's just that, the Mermaid Queen of the grove is more then aware of you going after her people, and has aptly threaten to turn you into an animal if you bother them again while she's around. After that, it, might be hard to get you back to normal."
* Captain Carl: "It's a worthwhile risk, Smoo! Nothing will deter me!"

Mermaid Lagoon

* Doodles: (They saw countless mermaids in a bigger location and rock than before with waterfalls)... (Got an off-camera erection) (Dubbed as Stewie) AAAAAHH, WHAT'S HAPPENING?!?
* Smee: You don't wanna know.
* Raccoon Twins: This is... Kind of a day they don't want to be disturbed.
* Smee: Mermaids aren't exactly the nicest dames in Never Land. Especially with Carl harassing them. They hate men now.
* Swifty: That's kinda sexist.
* Smee: Yeah, but what're you gonna do? As long as we stay out of sight, you guys can see- (Creebe was gone)... What the- (Heart-shaped bubbles were headed for the mermaids)... NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
* Cubby: IS HE NUTS?!
* Smee: In a manner of speaking.
* Mermaid #1:... So, I slapped him with his own weenie! (All the mermaids laughed)
* Mermaid #2: Men are disgusting!
* Mermaid #3: Dirty!
* Mermaid #4: And soooooo too bad for us.
* Mermaid #2: Especially those pirates and the new Hook. EAAAHCH!!
* Mermaid #1: Remember when I pantzed him in front of that stalker dolphin and Peter?
* Mermaid #2: Like it was yesterday. Then I tore off his undies and he fell in the water at the mercy of that dolphin? (They laughed harder)
* Mermaid #5: THAT TIME NEVER LOST IT'S FUNNY!!!
* Mermaid #1: It did not!
* Mermaid #6: I don't think men are that bad. (Everyone stopped)... What? It's just my opinion.
* Mermaid #4: Currenta, they don't sit well with us. Have you even smelled their feet? DISGUSTING!!
* Currenta: Come on, we live amongst mackerel all the time, you weren't complaining then.
* Mermaid #7: OHHHHHH!!! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, BURN!!!!!
* Currenta: Besides, water just washes it away. The only smell after that is the sweetness of sea salt.
* Mermaid #1: That's because those are smells we've gotten used to. A LOT!!
* Mermaid #8: Well, it seems pretty boring. Without men to pick on, we just sit around like dead fish bored out of our minds!
* Currenta: Well have you considered trying something new, like interacting with men more? Like Peter or any mermen?
* Mermaid #4: Pbbbt, gunk no. They're just cootie infections to us.
* ???: Well allow me to change your minds! (Creebe appeared and played romantic music on a boombox while in swim trunks)
* Mermaid #5:... (Vomits underwater)
* Mermaid #9: EUUUUUUAAAAAGHH!!!
* Mermaid #7: (Did this)

* Mermaid #1: DROWN THAT UNNATURAL TROLL!!! (They drag him underwater)
* Smee:...... Oh, dear.
* Cubby: SAVE HIM!!! (They jumped underwater and retrieved an unconscious Creebe)
* Creebe: (Revived with CPR)
* Smee: So, what have we learned?
* Creebe:... (Sighs) If you ask for a girl's melons, you get a slap in the face.
* Smee: Good lad.
* Mermaid #1: HEY, WE WEREN'T DONE PLAYING WITH THAT!!!
* Creebe: DYAH!!! NEED ME SOME PEPPER SPRAY!!!! NO, A FRYING PAN!!! THESE GIRLS SCARE ME!!!
* Smee: "Take it easy on him, ladies, he didn't know any better. Now he does and will treat you all with better respect, and put on something more decent."
* Mermaid #10: He'd better. You may be a Lodger, but we won't forget your face for Captain Hook so easily.
* ???: Hellooooooo! (Carl appeared)
* Smee:... You must be joking!
* Smoo: Oh, I wish. (Carl looked at him)... I mean, for your own safety, sir, you KINDA know where this usually goes.
* Carl: SOMEONE's gotta take James' place right here. If I'm gonna be stuck here, then I have to do SOMETHING to pass the time. Like, get a handful of those mermaids. Speaking of which, hey, angelfishes.
* Currenta: UGH! Well hello to you too, CODFISH!
* Carl: Oh, just take the compliment, babe.
* Currenta: Don't, EVER, call me babe!!
* Carl: Hey, no need to go *Barb Wire* on me, do you girls have ANY OTHER INTERESTS other than Peter and fashion?
* Mermaid #4: Nothing that's any of YOUR business. Back off or we'll pantz you again!
* Carl: Would you like me to save you the trouble?
* Mermaids: NOOOOO!!!!
* Smee: (Sighs and shoots the bow part he stood on and he fell into the water with a Goofy scream as underwater, a heartbeat was heard and a familiar dolphin)
* Carl: (Gurgling) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! (He was being chased around by the dolphin as he ran on the water surface) SMOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
* Smoo: CAP'N!!!!
* Smee: Smoo, you need to learn to be more strict with Carl one of these days. Now I much rather you two get out of dodge before the queen makes good on her threat, and NOT in a way he prefers.
* Smoo: Not that we have a choice now.
* Carl: (They were chased off by the dolphin) YAAAAAAHHH!!!!!
* Smee:... Saddens me that Smoo is still around Carl for this time.
* Mermaid #1:... The help is appreciated, but it changes little.
* Currenta: Symphonia, they saved us! Can't you stand to be a little courteous?
* Mermaid #1 (Symphonia): THEY'RE MEN!!!
* Swifty: SEXISTS!!!
* Mermaid #5: Guilty as charged.
* Mermaid #9: Now, make like an overactive sebaceous oil gland cell and get outta my face.
* Cubby: Make like a what?
* Smee: Fancy words for you.
* Mermaid #9: Not all of us in Never Land are childish in mentality.
* Smee: You girls just don't like men because being in Never Land keeps you paused in your cootie stage.
* Mermaid #4: And how is that a problem? Isn't the point of Never Land to never grow up?
* Smee: "The idea is that you don't PHYSICALLY grow up, not MENTALLY!... Or is it the other way around?"
* Slightly: Pretty sure it's BOTH.
* Symphonia:... Still changes little for our quote en quote 'sexism'.
* Mermaid 4: Carl's still a perv, too.
* Mermaid 9: "This being said, I suppose we're ABIT more grateful."
* Smee: "Ohhh, I guess that's better then nothing with you mermaids."
* Creebe: Well OUR Never Land had suffered a literal plague of maturity and cruel reality. Our Peter, Taran, managed to stop the powerful pirate/sorcerer Nothingverse from destroying his home.
* Mermaid #5: A carbon copy of Never Land hardly counts.
* Tubby: Not even if we said our Never Land was a child's reflection of the real world?
* Currenta:... Huh? Is that true?
* Symphonia: C, don't get into the hypnotic ways of men.
* Rac and Gac: It's also got doppelganger twins of people, and it has some yin-yang between each other.
* Mermaid #10: Really?
* Symphonia: MELODIA, THAT GOES DOUBLE FOR YOU!!!
* Creebe: AAAAAAND the men and women often have gender wars.
* Symphonia:.................... YOU HAD ME AT GENDER WAR!!!! YOU GUYS BEAT THE LIVING SNOT OUT OF M... Oh, uh, YOUR GIRLS BEAT THE LIVING SNOT OUT OF MEN?!
* Doodles: Well yes, but half the time they find true love. These two yin-yangs intertwine like a river. Each side spreads maturity and immaturity into each other. That ensures that you develop and mature without actually growing up.
* Mermaid #8:... Nothing you just said made a lick of sense.
* Smee: Oy!
* Creebe: Okay, if you girls are willing to suspend your misandry for a full 24 hours, would you care to listen to the story of how we saved our own Never Land from these outside trashbags?
* Mermaid #4: Well Peter does that all the time, soooo...
* Symphonia: Alright. But the queen would like to know about your arrival.
* ???: Oh, I already heard the commotion with Carl. (A very beautiful mermaid came out from a fountain and giant clamshell)... With Peter busy at the moment, we've got nothing to lose.

(Later...) Agrabah

* Xoriago: PEOPLE STILL CUT OFF THIEVES' HANDS AND GUARDIAN LAWS ARE STILL AROUND?!?
* Iago: IT'S ARABIA IN ANCIENT TIMES, AND EVERYONE IS SAVAGE IN ANCIENT TIMES!!! Not to mention stupid.
* Haroud: Being stupid isn't the same as not knowing much about the world.
* Iago: You try saying that when you get accused of witchcraft when performing science experiments.
* Xoriago: ".... Ya know, no offence, but this place would be enjoyed by traditionalist Phends..... Even if this place lacked tec as all hell."
* Haroud: "Well, that's assuming if they can put up with people freaking out at the sight of raptor-cobras."
* Iago: Yeah, their resemblance to a certain cultural terrorist group is already controversial enough. Well the Sultan's waiting. Hope he's not broken up since we took almost 10 years to save Jasmine from Villain League captivity.
* Xoriago/Charuld: WHAT?!
* Xoriago:... A PRINCESS WAS IN VILLAIN LEAGUE CAPTIVITY FOR A DECADE?!
* Iago: Several actually.
* Charuld:... WHAT'S BEEN HOLDING YOU BACK?!?
* Iago: "Hey that's the thing! The Leage didn't exactly play fair when it comes to the princesses of heart! They were on their A-Game when it comes to still holding onto them, just like when they first abducted them! Most of the time they just vanished like magic, and maybe because of it. But don't worry, Kairi was the one princess they couldn't capture since she was always with us so they couldn't do their X-Blade plans."
* Charuld: "Be that as it may, you could've just saved them immediately out of obligation!"
* Haroud: "Don't get us wrong, Shen was devising plans to actselly help save them! He just needed the perfect one the League wouldn't be able to adapt too!"
* Xoriago: "..... No offense, Iago, but something tells me that the Lodgers, STILL HAVE ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT?!"
* Iago: Please, like you could do any better.
* Charuld: We could actually... Because we completely prevented a similar fate on Chronicus.
* Iago: Haha!
* Charuld: No, it's true.
* Iago: "Okay wiseguys, enlighten us."

(Later...) China

* Mishi: Sexism in an ancient world? Wow, I never would have guessed.
* Mushu: Ch'yah. Chi Fu probably never got a girl after how sexist he is.
* Chi Fu: I WAS JUST FOLLOWING THE F\*\*\*\*\*G LAW, FOR THE LAST TIME!!!
* Mushu: Oh, it's one thing to follow the law, but it's another to say a girl that just saved your ass is not worth anything or worth protecting.
* Chi Fu: I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU REACT CALMLY IF YOU'RE NEARLY FLAMBÉD BY FIREWORKS!!!
* Shi Fau: Yeah, you wouldn't really be sane after that.
* Mushu: "Doesn't make ya less of a dick."
* Mishi: And you're just agreeing with him because you're technically the same guy.
* Chi Fu: I could say the same thing about you.
* Mushu: "Hey now, fellas, let's chill for a bit, huh?"
* Everyone: STAY OUT OF THIS!!... (We cut to them being scorched cartoonishly)
* Mushu: Are you ladies finished gossiping?
* Shi Fau: (Wheezes smoke) Owwww!
* Mushu: Good. Now, if we're done here, let's meet the Emperor. He said he needs to meet us in a meeting.
* Mishi: Well that sentence was redundant. (They open the doors to see Mongols ransacking it)
* Mushu:... You've got to be kidding me. ANOTHER disguised call for help? These Mongols are SO annoying.
* ???: Annoying are we? (A Shan Yu-style Mongol appeared with two falcons)
* Chi Fu: OH NO!!! GENGHIS KHAN?!
* Mongol Leader: Oh, very funny. Just because he was the most infamous foe of China above even Shan Yu, that AUTOMATICLY means I'm him! I am General Ukhel of Mongolia.
* Mushu: You know, if the emperor wasn't a suprisingly polite and gentle ruler then usually expected from chinese emperors, you guys would've been crucified on the outside of the Great Wall as a warning against any invaders.
* Chi Fu: MY WORD, WE ARE NOT SAVAGES!!!
* Mushu: "I'd SAID that if the Emperor WASN'T a suprisingly polite and gentle ruler?!"
* Chi Fu: "But still, the fact you suggested that at all?! What kind of backwords maroons do you take us for?!"
* ShI Fau: "To be fair, that hiarchey about how woman should behave isn't doing your world any favors."
* Chi Fu: Oh shut up.
* Ukhel: I shall conquer China and finally- (Mishi and Mushu were unamused and just scorched him)... Owww... ATTAAAAAAACK!!!! (The Mongols attacked)
* Shi Fau brought out a big-ass AUU ray gun that shocks the Mongols!
* Shi Fau: "..... Go ahead, try to kill us. See how that works out for you."
* The Mongols started to back up in this song gag.

* Ukhel: "....... In hindsight, maybe I should've waited after the AUU folk had left. (Mulan came from nowhere and smacked Ukhel down as Shang leads soldiers into to fight the Mongols)."
* Shi Fau: "..... Tecknowagey makes old world problems stupidly easy to quell."
* Mishi: You do know that using advanced technology to win against primitive planets is against the law, right? You could get arrested just for saying that.
* Shi Fau: Yeah, but it's not the law in this dimension here, now is it? Besides, it's a one-time thing.
* Mulan: Mushu? Why's there... An alien duplicate version of you and Chi Fu?
* Mushu: Oh yeah, you never met. This here's my AUU twin Mishi.
* Mishi: What's up?
* Shi Fau: Is this Mulan?
* Chi Fu: Yes. Don't piss her off. She kicked me in the crotch one time. I couldn't walk right for weeks. She gives a whole new meaning to Girl Power.
* Shi Fau: Eh, I have a thing for tough woman, so, I'd guess it myself.
* Mulan: And you're AUU Chi Fu?
* Shi Fau: Shi Fau. Nice to meet you.
* Shang: Why are you both here?
* Mushu: They were around when the Emperor sent his SOS. We decided why not bring them along?
* Mulan: Well, hey, it paid off, because AUU Chi Fu pulled out that really big and bright weapon thingy that scared the Mongols something fierce.
* Chi Fu: Showoff!
* Shi Fau: Misogynist.
* Chi Fu: OH, YOU... Ugh, whatever! You guys have it easy with your Zoian technology.
* Mishi: Uhhh... Tecnecally speaking, we're not from Zo. I mean, yes, our lore does say we are Zoian in origin, but, we're not directly from the planet, just the verson of our story. We're from Chronicus. We joined the Loungers when they helped Siri's adopted sis.
* Mushu:... Really?
* Mishi: Yeah. Zhou was one sick monster. But we kicked his ass to Kingdom Come, wherever that is.
* Chi Fu: "Well, how are you Zo-like and yet your not from the planet?"
* Shi Fau: "That's basicly the magic of Chronicus. When ever a legend, or even beloved move of a francise BASED on a legend, becomes popular enough, well.... Poof! We just, come into existence and be accreate to the story of origin."
* Chi Fu: ".... How, does that work?"
* Mishi: "To be honest, even our wisest of elders can only do guess work on why Chronicus does what it does. It just, brings famous stories to life, no questions ask. It's just... AAAA MYYYYSTERYYYYY, OOOOOH!!!"
* Mushu: You have time to tell us the story?
* Mishi:... Nothing better for us to do, so why not? Find the comfiest couch you can find and let's get ready for the 'once upon a time'.
* Chi Fu: "Ohhhh, I'll go grab the Dumplings and my notes."

(Later...) Far Far Away

* Pronkes: Wow. The kingdom isn't just far far away, it's literally called Far Far Away?
* Shog: Really pushes it when a kingdom's name has to advertise it's distance.
* Donkey: "Hey, at least it's an accreate name."
* Shog: "I mean, what, do they have a sister location called "Near Neer By"?"
* Shrek: "Well, they did in the 90s, but the kingdom fell apart to crime, corruption, and economic downfall."
* Shog: You poor peasants.
* Shrek: "Peasants?!"
* Shog: "Erm, nothing intentionally hurtful alchourse. In fact, we know what it's like to have criminals, bad politions, and economic crashes ruin things in our universes too. Also, I'm abit of a grouch, so, I'm still having me foot in me mouth in some cases."
* Felly: Hopefully we have a break here. We don't have to worry about villains here, right?
* Shrek: No. Most of the villains here turned a new leaf. Captain Hook is a daffodil gardener, the Evil Stepmother owns a spa in France, and The Headless Horseman is now a flute player.
* Shog:... A headless guy... Plays a wind instrument?
* Pronkes/Donkey: IRONYYYY!
* Shrek: "Anyway, the living trees are forest caretakers, the once evil queen has gone into marrage counciling, And Pre-Forth Movie Rumplestilkskin is a Horse Salesmen."
* Shog: ""Pre-Forth Movie Rumplestilskin"?"
* Shrek: Yeah, there's two because our producers had terrible memory. Post-Fourth Rumpelstilskin terrorized my existence because I kept him from taking over Far Far Away.
* Shog: And you're sure we don't have to worry about HIM?
* Donkey: He's locked up for good. There's.... Okay I'm not finishing that sentence.
* Brogan: (He burst in) GUYS!!! STILSKIN'S ESCAPED!!!
* Donkey: For f\*\*\*'s sake!
* Cookie: Apparently this crazy business Gingerbread Man with a missing gumdrop button did it... Or at least that's what the crumbs on the crime scene indicated. I know a crime scene by the food remains in the place.
* Donkey:... Sour Cookie?
* Shrek: Sour Cookie.
* Pronkes: "Cookies can be sour? That is ONE hell of an oxymoron!"
* Shrek: "It's actselly the name of an evil real estate gingerbreadman that was trying to steal Gingy's house who has many connections to criminal underworlds. Trust me, there's nothing sweet about that guy."
* Shog: "Well given that he has a name like "Sour Cookie", how did the baker that made him THINK he was gonna turn out?"
* Shrek: Eh, maybe it was a different magic Gingerbread Man maker, and one way more wicked than the Muffin Man.
* Felly: Well what could those two be planning?!
* Brogan: Sources say they're, using a magic contract to give every villain in this world a do-over. And the one signing it... Is someone they only specified to be from the Villain League.
* Donkey:... Prince-
* Shrek: -Charming.
* Pronkes: Prince Charming? Why would a guy with a name like that be a villain?
* Shrek: Crazy circumstance, that's how. He was supposed to be the one to rescue Fiona before I did it first. His mother Fairy Godmother who made the deal for the rescue wasn't very happy about the warped circumstance and people owed her favors that she took very seriously, to the point she could make people disappear or just paradox away the deals of those who don't keep their end of it.
* Shog: Wow. Sounds like a huge bitch.
* Donkey: Oh she was. She was obviously too dangerous to even make deals with. The damned succubus.
* Puss: So, indeed it makes sense Prince Charming would be the one to agree with the contract. We must stop them.

Rumplestilskin's Carriage

* Charming: (As a resurrected Fifi pulled the carriage) So then the centaur says "that's not the half I'm talking about"! (Laughs hysterically)
* Sour Cookie: (Scoffs and laughs hysterically)
* Rumplestilskin: Haha, I've never heard THAT one before. Thanks for reviving Fifi, by the way.
* Charming: Consider it a tip for this payment. It's amazing how much plastic surgery you got since we last met.
* Rumplestilskin: Oh, that was my failed and crappy magicborn successor that couldn't hide a kidnapped firstborn if he had the UUniverses' best safe/nursery. I'm the real deal. I just use him as a fall guy.
* Charming: Ohoho, you are wicked! So, where's the contract?
* Rumplestilskin: Here ya are. Just sign it, and history will be different for every single villain. Now, have you considered what you're willing to trade?
* Charming: Ohhh, yeah. It's one you'll flip over. We both despise Shrek, right? So, once again, I'm going to trade HIS existence.
* Sour Cookie: Is that even possible to give away one's existence without their consent? Even for magic, that seems unlikely.
* Rumplestilskin: "Well, usually these sort've things have strict rules, BUUUUUUT, since I'm classifived as a rogue now, this no longer appiles to me."
* Sour Cookie: ".... Good point."
* Charming: So, you sure there's no do-gooders that'll interrupt this signature?
* Rumplestilskin: Oh, those ogres are dangerous. Sneaky. But surely you guys took care of that?
* Charming: Well, I came alone. I'm only armed with my mommy's wand. It's not as powerful as it's original owner, but it can wreck butt.
* Rumplestilskin: Then use it! (Charming let out a magic radar field the ogres hiding were able to cloak from in many ways)....... Well?
* Charming:... Well it says nothing, but-
* Rumplestilskin: Excellent. Now let's get started.
* Charming: Let me finish-
* Rumplestilskin: Chop chop, Charming! My time is short!
* Charming:... (Sighs) If you insist. (He gets ready until ogre earhorns were heard)...... I tried to tell you. These ogres likely know how to cloak from magic.
* Rumplestilskin: HOW?!?
* Charming: Just get out! (Rolls up the contract and takes it) I'll sign it in a safe location. So even if you get locked up, it won't be for long.
* Rumplestilskin: Sounds like a plan.
* Sour Cookie: Break a leg, Charming! (Charming leapt out of the carriage, rolled to his feet, and retreated as he was noticed by Shrek, Donkey, Puss, Shog, Pronkes, and Felly).... Wait, WHY AM I STAYING HERE ABOUT TO HOLD OFF OGRES?! THAT ISN'T VERY PRACTICAL OF ME?!
* Rumplestilskin: "Oh relax, you big baked wuss! I got mercenary back-up! (Blows on a whisle, that summons forth ninja goblin mercenaries that appear everywhere!)
* Brogan:.... Ninja Goblin Mercs. It always has to be Ningobs for hire. You take care of him. We'll handle Stilskin and the cookie.
* Shrek: "Already on my to-do list, I have alot of scores to settle with Charming anyway from the 3rd movie!" (The ogres fought Rumple while they chased down Charming)
* Charming: (Gets on a horse) GEMME OUT OF HERE, CHAUNCEY!!! (They rode off as the group got a carriage pulled by Donkey and Pronkes as Puss and Felly got drew their swords)
* Shrek: YOU THINK YOU CAN GALLOP AWAY SO EASILY, CHARMING?!
* Charming: Well well. If it isn't the ogre who told me he'd never give up his happily ever after, only to give it up to Rumplestilskin.
* Shrek: It's called an identity crisis! Something you have experience in. We all have it.
* Shog: Give us whatever contract you have!
* Charming: So you can tear it in half? Forget it! I've waited for this in forever. You took my happily ever after! (Fired his magic wand at them as they dodged)
* Shrek: "If it helps, you kinda have Farquaad to blame for that as well! I ended up having to get Fiona out before you because he was throwing fairy tale creatures into my swamp due to his hatred of them!"
* Charming: "Well it's not like HE got to be the one to marry Fiona, now did he?! At the end of the day, it was you that got Fiona, not Farquaad of Duloc!"
* Shrek: Hey, fate is fickle sometimes. You were created for Fiona, so, wouldn't you have gotten bored if you had married her?
* Charming: Don't gimme any technicalities! I'm signing this contact, and this time, you're not stopping me!
* Shrek: (They dodged his magic wand attacked) Shog, I have an idea.
* Shog: Lay it on me. (He split the carriage in two as they surrounded Charming)... I got'cha.
* Charming: (Put up a force field with his wand)
* Pronkes: Looks like he was one step ahead!
* Shrek: Not for long! (Chauncey trips on a rock causing Charming to lose focus on the shield causing the two to blast a fart cloud that acted like a blind that knocked Charming down and got the heroes to snag him and the contract) GOT IT!!
* Pronkes: ALL RIGHT!!! WE SAVED THE DAY!!! (They ended up falling off a cliff into water).... Could've ended better though. (The contract was wet and rendered useless)..... But hey, the contract was ruined, so, win-win.
* Charming: (Watched the contract wetten away)...... (Did this)

Later...

* Rumplestilskin: (The three were arrested) You had ONE, JOB!!!
* Charming: OH SHUT UP!!!
* Sour Cookie: "Well, at least I didn't got busted by the Kill Claimers again. That Deadpool was a BEAST on me?!"
* Charming: "Oh I'm sure that psycotic idiot wasn't THAT bad!"
* Sour Cookie:... You're with the Villain League, aren't you? Why the gumdrop are you answering such a question? Surely you ran into him at some point!
* Prince Charming: Ugh, I hardly saw him. All he ever did was make crazy pop-cultural references and being just a weirdo I preferred to stay away from.
* Sour Cookie: "Oh believe me, Princy, HE CAN BE WAAAAAAAAAAAY WORSE THEN THAT WHEN HE WANTS TO?!"
* Brogan: (Smacks them) You guys have the right to shut your mouths!
* Sour Cookie: WHAT COULD BE USED AGAINST US IN WHAT TRIAL?! YOU'LL JUST TOSS US IN THE DUNGEON!!!
* Brogan: It means SHUT UP!!! (They were taken away)
* Donkey: YEAH, LICK MAH ASS, PRETTY BOY!!! HEEHAW, HEEHAW!!!
* Shrek: Don't push it, Donkey.
* Shog: "Well that wasn't so bad."
* Shrek: "Easy on the glouting Shog, it was only so easy cause we busted them early. Trust me, had Charming been able to sign that contract, we'd be in a world of trouble. I know from exspearience."
* Shog: Well at least it went better than how we dealt with Chaston and Embra with the Loungers' help.
* Shrek: "Is that a fact?"
* Shog: It IS a fact. Come over to FFA and we can tell the whole story.

Far Far Away

* Lillian: Hmm. You guys sure took care of those three.
* Gingy: Yeah, lick my gumdrop buttocks, Sour!
* Arthur: So, you guys must have a story to tell.
* Pronkes: Yeah, but it'd be pretty damn lame. So how's about a better one? When we joined the Loungers?
* Three Blind Mice: Huzzah!

(Later...) France

* Fellou: Rustic, and people who sing and gossip at random? What a weird existence.
* Lefou: At least I got my live-action counterpart's treatment of reformation. Gaston, after the misfits were able to get the villagers to realise that they were operating under Simpsons logic for a moment and prevented a needless brawl, got to fall screaming like a p\*\*\*y, even after his Dark Thorn form got him OP, though Belle ended up swiped anyway.... I really didn't get the appearence of the spear guy in the black robe though.
* Fellou: Hey, that 'moisode' as you called it had to blend only so much from the movie and Kingdom Hearts game.
* Lefou: So since then, with the Enchantress actually offering to make the curse last longer unAtil we get Belle back, since she's equally pissed the Villain League interfered with the Beast's redemption.
* Fellou: So... You guys haven't gotten them back yet?
* Lefou: Oh we did.... But only because we thought it'd be too long before it actually happened.
* Fllou: Arbasus, they must've been going crazy in Villain League captivity and are in rehab. You guys are slower than evolution.
* Lefou: Oh, you have no idea how stressful such failures were. At least Kairi is the only girl they couldn't nab.
* Fellou: Oy. Poor girls, waiting almost an eternity for you to save them. How mediocre do you feel right now?
* Lefou: "Hey, to be fair, those girls were left in stasis until they do got Kairi for their crazy X-Blade plan, so it's not like they were held in a tower like stereotypical princesses."
* Fellou: "Well, that's fine and all, but, weren't you afraid that their loved ones will get, well, bitter at best, about all this?"
* Lefou: "Look, they were fairly warned that the Leage isn't going to exactly lose them to us as easy as snapping fingers, so they know that the Leage is not just gonna give them up overnight. And hey, trust me, Shen was working on perfect plans to get them back, but he just needed to work out how to do it without the Leage adapting to it."
* Fellou: Well let's ask the inhabitants of this castle. They must've be broken senseless.

Castle

* They met the human Beauty and the Beast characters who sung this.

* Fellou:... What did much of what he said even mean?
* Lefou: "Ya don't speak french, bro? Isn't there like, an AUU Equilent?"
* Fellou: There's too much to choose from, actually.
* Lumiere: Well yes, Belle was rescued. Ze Enchantress hated what ze Villain League did and completely froze the curse until she came back.
* Potts: And thank the lord she did.
* Fellou: You ask me, if the Clam Lounge Squadron was on the case, the princesses wouldn't have been trapped for this long. We managed to stop a similar scenario in our dimension.
* Lefou: Sure you did.
* Fellou: Don't believe me? Belmen? (Belmen appeared)
* Cogsworth: WHERE DID YOU-
* Belmen: (He opened a view portal that shows the beginning of their part of the story)
* Angelie: Ugh. That curse made me so scared of magic.
* Lefou: It's just a view portal. You know, like your little all-seeing mirror?
* Cogsworth: "That doesn't exactly make it easy for us to be at ease around magic."

#### **The Fantasy Council**

Flashback

* (Shog): Well the trip to Chronicus wasn't just because of Spectage. Siri needed to take her first step to a destiny that had yet to be found out. And it starts with her true homeworld.
* Siri: (Went to an island similar to Destiny Islands with cities identical to Twilight Town)... (Sighs)... (She sings this)

* ZongueBob:... Wow, Sonny, her singing voice is almost as beautiful as yours.
* Sonny: (Giggles)
* Siri: This is Crystal Island where my two husbands and I lived.
* ZongueBob: Whoa whoa!!!... You have TWO husbands?!... Now I hesitate to say your singing voice is better than Sonny.
* Siri: Polygamy is legal on Chronicus. So it's to better accomindate Parasoid fantasy legends, as we too don't believe in making love abide to misguided standerds. Meck... He is a great friend. But he went missing the same time I was captured by the Villain Legion.
* Kofern: He is my friend and brother-in-arms. I've spent half my time finding him while also finding my wife.
* Jokey: "Ya know talking about missing friends is a bit of a big jump from JUST mentioning that you okay marrying more than one lover here! Isn't jealousy and questionable practices usually associated with polygamy?"
* Kofern: Well, that's what comes when a team of friends consist of two boys and one girl going through puberty. It makes you VULNERABLE to hormones, alien or otherwise.
* Siri: Can we PLEASE just meet up with the Fantasy Council? They MUST meet with their leader's adopted sibling.
* Cen: Then by all means, DO it! We'll give you moral support if we have to.
* Siri: No need. I'll do it myself. No offense, but you guys AREN'T exactly on good graces with the UUniverses yet since you're BASICALLY the Lodgers of OUR dimension.
* Atrick: Hurtful, but not inaccurate.
* Siri:... (Deep breath)... (She entered the room and then found that they were gone)... Huh? Not in the council room?
* ???: They're on break. (A Zrix appeared)
* Siri:... Hey, aren't you Noina Bell?
* Noina: Yes, who are you?
* Siri:... Siri.
* Noina:... WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?!
* Siri: I just did- (She was teleported directly to the princesses)
* Noina:... Zrixie dust, I just forgot they might've been naked.... Ah, whatever, I'm sure it won't be THAT awkward, they won't be COMPLETELY naked.

Later...

* Siri: (She was teleported into the Princesses' lounge room spooking them all)... Uh, hi?
* Odromeda: LESBIAN STALKER!!! (They all armed themselves comically with Caeserella breaking one of her glass slippers to use as a weapon)
* Siri: WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA, TAKE IT EASY, LADIES!!! I, I'M A PRINCESS TOO, PUT, THE SHARP GLASS FOOTWEAR, DOWN, PLEEEASE!
* Zephne: YOU are a princess?
* Siri: Princess Siri. I'm sure you know me, it'd be pretty embarrassing if you didn't considering-
* Sophra: I don't BUY it! You could be ANY Jeerien.
* Natrine: Then we must be sure. Just, what kind of princess, ARE you?
* Siri: There's different kinds?
* Goliana: Do you have magic hair?
* Siri: No.
* Uriana: Magic HANDS? (She did magic with her hands)
* Siri: No.
* Caeserella: Do animals talk to you?
* Siri: Outside of the sentient ones, no.
* Abeyance: Were you poisoned? (She brought out a poisoned apple)
* Thelody: Huh, you're starting to talk more.
* Siri: NO!
* Zaphne/Auranica: Cursed?
* Siri: NO!
* Goliana/Noella: Kidnapped or enslaved?
* Siri: NO, WTF, WOMEN, DO YOU ALL NEED THERAPY OR SOMETHING?! Ahem, that's to say, are you girls THIS insecure when you're not doing your jobs?
* Hyrdema: A princess HAS to start in a dark environment, you've surely read our original stories. So did you?
* Siri: Yeah.
* Hyrdema: Was it something like making a deal with a sea witch who took your voice and gave back a pair of cute legs? (She wiggled her toes)
* Siri: NO, WHO THE HECK DOES THAT BESIDES YOU?!
* Abeyance: True love's kiss and marriage?
* Siri: NO, NOBODY MARRIES SOMEONE THEY JUST MET, AGAIN, WHO DOES THAT?!
* Falma: You have daddy issues?
* Siri: I don't even have a MOM!
* All: NEITHER DO WE!
* Siri:... Wow, you girls DEFINITELY have issues to work out.
* Goliana:... Alright, guess it's time for the million-dollar question. Does everyone assume ALL your problems got solved because ONE man came into your life?
* Siri:... Actually, YES! SEVERAL men! What are the odds?
* All Princesses: SHE **IS** A PRINCESS!
* Siri:... O, KAY, this is awkward. Are you girls ALWAYS this eccentric?
* Caeserella: Not in public.
* Uriana: We're girls. Girls GOTTA be girls.
* Siri: Yeah, I, uh, guess that's true. This is... HOO, QUITE the first impression. Anyway, again, I'm Princess Siri.
* Sophra:... Now that I think about it, why does that sound familiar?
* ???: UH, GIRLS, IS SOMEONE OUT THERE?! I'M IN THE SHOWER RIGHT NOW!
* Noella: YEAH, IT'S YOUR SIBBY SIRI!
* ???: WHAT?! (Steam occurred in the bathroom) AAHAHAHAHA, CRAP, I ACCIDENTALLY HIT THE KNOB TO HOT- AAAAAOOOOOOOWWWWW!!!! AHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!! (Chaos was heard happening comically in the room as the girls winced) AAHHHHA!!!! MY FOOT!! A- POOMPH!!! (Gurgles, then spits) EHHHCK, TOILETWATER!! BLEH!!! BLEEEEEEEEE- (A glass shatter was heard) NOOO! NOT MY MIRROR! THAT COST ME A FORTUNE!! (A loud splash was heard)......
* Siri:... I... Is she okay?
* Falma: Yeah, she probably wasn't expecting you to come so soon. (Shiri came out wearing a towel and bikini, messed up and wrinkled)
* Shiri: SIRI?! ARE YOU REALLY THERE?!?
* Siri:... Uh...
* Shiri: Oh, good, you are! Lemme just get dressed. (She went inside) Dammit all to the Cluster! (Magic was heard inside and steam leaked out of the room and draining was heard)... (She came out fully-dressed in pajamas) WHEW! Now where was I? Oh, right, SIRI!!!