Cows and Monkeys

***Era***

"Those morons from Fairy Tail have done it again! This time they destroyed an entire port!" A council member with his arms crossed said.

"Can't they go one day without destroying something?" Another added.

"Heh," Siegrain chuckled at his colleges comments. "I'm actually quite fond of these fools." Yajima and Ultear nodded in agreement.

Yajima gave his thoughts on the subject. "Yes, they may be foolish but they are also quite powerful. The amount of success they receive is equal to the destruction they cause."

"That's true, they present quite the quandary."

"I say leave them be." Siegrain said, catching everyone else off. "After all, think of how boring this world would be if not for fools like them."

***Magnolia***

The three wizards and the cat stood in front of the guild hall, Lucy smiling from ear to ear. Happy flew off Natsu's shoulder into the air. "Welcome to Fairy Tail!"

Natsu kicked the large, wooden door open. "We Made It Back Alive!"

Faces were smiling at the return of Natsu and Laki. Lucy was amazed at the reaction the guild members gave to the returning mages.

"Natsu, Laki, what up?" A bucked tooth member asked. "Heard you two went all out at Hargeon? Can't you-" That was all he could say before Natsu kicked him in the face. Lucy freaked out at the reaction Natsu had.

"You lied about that Salamander! I'm gonna kick your but!" Natsu declared as he cracked his knuckles. Laki was behind him, giggling at the show her friend was putting on.

"Calm down, you idiot." The member said after popping out of the rubble. "All I did was pass on a rumor I heard!"

"A RUMOR!?" Natsu screamed getting angrier by the minute.

"Okay, then. Let's Fight!" The member launched himself at Natsu, who ducked from the on coming tackle. Laki, however, wasn't so lucky. The force from the tackle launched Happy off her shoulder like a Ping pong ball. This sparked a chain reaction which culminated in a massive brawl through out the guild.

Lucy was unphased by all of this, as she had only one thing on her mind. 'I'm inside the Fairy Tail guild hall!'

"Natsu and Laki finally made back, did they?" A man in only boxer shorts stood up and walked over to the brawl. "Time to settle things Natsu!"

"Gray, your clothes, Laki." A woman in a blue bikini top at the bar pointed out his lack of garments and Laki's hatred of it. The man IDed as Gray spun around on his foot. "Not now, Cana!"

Cana let out a sigh. "Another example of the lack of class by the men here." She then picked up a large wine barrel and began to drink from it, leaving Lucy speechless and her jaw on the floor.

Gray kicked another member out of his way and stared at Natsu, who was fighting himself. "Fight me, Natsu!" Natsu turned around and a smile came to his face. "Clothes first, then fight!"

Before Gray could say anything else, Laki put him in a sleeper hold. "What have I said about you stripping, Gray?!" She said through her teeth. Gray flipped her off his back and the two of them began fighting.

Lucy could hear the sound of wood hitting wood behind her. She turned around and saw a large tan man with white hair. "It just hit noon, and you guys already acting like a bunch of spoiled brats."

"SHUT UP, ELFMAN!" Gray and Natsu said as they both punched Elfman, launching him into the war zone that was the guild hall.

"Damn it's noisy here." Lucy turned around to see Loke 'the Lady Killer', an attractive man who was always ranked high on the eligible bachelor list. Around both his arms were two very attractive women. Suddenly, a glass hit him on the head, so he decided to jump into the fight.

"He's off my list." Lucy said as she crossed off his face in a magazine of ideal boyfriends she kept. She looked out over the sea of violence. "Aside from Laki, there doesn't seem to be a single sane person here."

"Hello, are you new?" A voice from behind caused Lucy to turn around. There was a beautiful woman in a red dress with white hair, holding a tray of drinks. Lucy recognized her and freaked out. "Mirajane! In the flesh!"

Mirajane gave her the sweetest smile from any of her magazine shoots. "Hey, uh, don't you think we should stop this?" Lucy asked pointing to the massive brawl.

"It's fine." Mira said turning to the brawl. "It's would be Fairy Tail if this didn't happen every now and again. I just leave them be. Besides,." Elfman crashed into her, sending her into one of the many broken tables. "It kinda fun, don't you think?" She finished before fainting, but Lucy thought she had died.

Gray crashed into Lucy, sending them both to the ground. As they got up, Gray shouted something Lucy had never heard before, "Who took my underwear?"

He turned to Lucy, who was covering her eyes. "Don't turn around!" Gray approached her, which startled the blonde. "Excuse me, miss, can I borrow your-" He never finished as Laki swung a chair at Gray, sending him flying away from Lucy.

"Leave her allow, perv!" She was pushed away by Loke, who then tried to pick up Lucy, figuratively and literally.

"Talk about insensitive. A woman has needs." He was then uppercutted by Elfman, which caused him to drop Lucy.

"Real men talk with their fists, Loke." Natsu then gave him a spin kick to the chest. "I said stay out of my way!"

The brawl went on and Cana was starting to get annoyed. "So much for having a quite drink." She then pulled out a magic card. "Alright guys, knock it off." From the card, a green seal appeared.

Gray, after finding his boxers, brought his hands together as cold mist escaped his hands, creating a blue magic seal. "Says who, Cana?"

Laki mimicked his actions as her own seal appeared. "Gray, find your clothes, now!"

Elfman had his own purple seal in his hand. Roaring as he brought it up, the seal grew in size as stone wrapped around his arm.

Loke fidgeted with his rings as a bright green seal appeared in front of his hands. "You punks can be so annoying."

Flames appeared and wrapped around Natsu's fists. "I'm ready for you guys!"

Lucy panicked and held up Happy as a feline shield. "This is a normal fight here?!" "Aye!"

Before the whole town was leveled, a large foot slammed onto the ground. "Can you brats stop arguing like children?!" All fighting stopped instantly. No one dared to even cough. Lucy stared up at the massive figure in fear.

"Oh, Master." Mirajane said like nothing happened. "I didn't know you were still here."

"M-m-master?!" Lucy said in complete shock.

"What gives?" Natsu asked unaware of the masters presence. "Why'd every-" Laki covered his mouth before he said something stupid.

The master turned to Mirajane and noticed the blonde next to her. "So, seems we've a new recruit?"

Lucy panicked as she realized he meant her. "Y-yes sir."

The large figure began to shake as steam rolled of his body. Lucy feared that he would get bigger than he already was. Instead, he actually shrunk in size, revealing an old man with a mustache. "Nice to have you."

Lucy said the first thing that came into her head. "T-tiny! This guys the master?!"

"Yup, allow me to introduce the Fairy Tail guild master, Master Makarov." Mirajane said as Makarov leaped onto the railing above everyone. He cleared his throat as the entire guild stared in silence and fear.

"Look what you clots have done now. This is the largest amount of complaints the council has sent yet." He waved the thick pile of paper in his hand to illustrate his point. "The only thing you kids seem to be good at is making the top brass mad at me."

Every guild member was looking down, either in shame or humiliation. Lucy was worried the master might have a stroke.

"However," The paper in his hand quickly burst into flames as he held it. "I say to hell with the council and the rules." He threw the burning paper to the ground, and Natsu leaped off the ground and ate it, causing Laki to giggle.

"Now listen." The master continued. "Any power that surpasses reason still comes from reason, right? Magic isn't some sort of miracle of nature: its a talent, a skill that only works when the flow inside of us, and the flow of energy in the natural world are in perfect synchronization. To preform magic, one must have a strong mind and the ability to focus. It should take over your being and come pouring out of your very soul. If all we ever do is worry about following the rules, then our magic will never progress. So don't let those council blowhards scare you. Follow the path you believe in. Because that's what makes the Fairy Tail guild number 1!" He finished, raising his hand in guilds symbol.

The crowd followed suite, all mimicking the master and cheering. Lucy had a smile on her face as she looked around her. Gray and Elfman were cheering, Mira was smiling, Cana and Loke where sharing some beer, and Laki and Natsu where holding their hands high as they copied the master.

***One Hour Later***

Lucy was at bar, a magic stamp on her hand. As Mirajane pulled it away, it revealed a pink Fairy Tail Emblem.

Mirajane smiled at the new member. "There, now you're a full fledge Fairy Tail guild member."

Excited, she scanned the room. Eventually, she saw Natsu and Laki standing in front of a large board and ran over to them. "Natsu, Laki, look! Mirajane just put the official guild emblem on my hand!"

"Oh yeah, that's great." Natsu said totally uninterested. "Welcome to the guild, Loony."

"Natsu." Laki said shaking her head. "Ignore him Lucy. He gets like this when he's looking for a good job. Welcome to Fairy Tail."

"Is my dad back yet?" Laki, Natsu and Happy turned to see a young boy looking up at Makarov.

Makarov put his beer down and shook his head. "Romeo, you're getting on my nerves. You're a wizards son. Have some faith in your father. Just wait for him."

"But sir, he said he'd only be gone for a couple of days." The boy now known as Romeo said. "And it's been well over a week."

Makarov scratched his head. "Hmm. If memory serves, he took the job on Mt. Hakobe."

"Yes." Romeo screamed at the master. "It's not that far from here. So please send some one to look for him!"

"Look, kid. Your old mans a wizard!" Makarov said angrily. "So, just like any other wizard here, he can handle himself. Just go home, have some milk and cookies, and wait!"

Romeos anger finally got to him. He punched Makarov between the eyes, and ran out of the guild hall, screaming that he hates them all.

Lucy observed the whole scene for her seat at the bar. "Wow, that's gotta be tough."

Mirajane was behind the bar, cleaning some mugs. "Trust me Lucy, I know he sounds like he doesn't care, but the master is more worried than anyone else."

A loud crash came from the Request board. Turning, Lucy saw that Natsu had punched the request he had into the board.

"The hell's th-" Nab started to say, but Laki put her hand on his shoulder and just shock her head.

"Not now, Nab."

Lucy stared at Natsu as he and Happy began to walk out of the guild hall.

"Master, this doesn't look good." Nab said leaning against the bar top. "I guarantee he's headed over to Mt. Hakobe. Probably to needlessly save Macao. He'll never learn."

"Remember Nab, we can't choose someone's path." The master said. "Just leave him be."

"How come Natsu got so upset?" Lucy asked.

"Probably cause Natsu sees himself in Romeo." Mirajane said, never looking up from the mug she was cleaning. "Just because we're Fairy Tail members doesn't mean we all don't have personal issues."

"We've all had our fair share of suffering and heartache." Lucy turned and saw Laki sitting down next to her and ordering a small beer, a small frown on her face.

"Many years ago, Natsu's father left and never came back." Lucy's eyes widened as Laki's order was put before her. "Well, not his real father, but the one who raised him. Believe it or not, it was actually a dragon."

"A dragon?!" Lucy screamed as Laki to a sip from her beer. "Natsu was really raised by a dragon?!" Laki put her drink down and nodded.

"When he was a little boy, a dragon found him wondering the forest." Laki countinued her story. "He took Natsu in, and taught him everything about language, culture, and magic. But one day, the dragon disappeared, leaving only the scarf Natsu wears around his neck."

"Wait, then that dragon must have been Igneel." Lucy said after figuring it out.

"That's right." Laki said. "Natsu lives for the day when he can see Igneel again. It's silly, I know, but it's what drives Natsu." Laki then let out a sigh as she stared at the door. "I only wish in had his strength."

"Huh?" Lucy was curious what she meant by that.

"Oh, its nothing." Laki said shaking her head. "Hey, Lucy, I have a favor to ask."

***Mt. Hakobe Base***

"So, Laki asked you come with us?" Nastu asked as he laid on his stomach inside the carriage taking them to Mt. Hakobe.

"Yeah, she did." Lucy told him. "I was gonna come anyway, so that worked with me. Wow you really do have serious motion sickness. One more reason to feel sorry for Laki."

"What's that suppose to mean?" He asked.

"Oh, nothing." Lucy said back peddling. "Hey, can ask you something? Laki said she wished she had your strength. Do you know what she meant by that?"

Natsu knew what she had meant, but he couldn't tell her. "Um, well..." The carriage jerked forward and stopped moving.

"Oh, I guess we're here." Natsu was instantly revived by the lack of movement and began dancing around in the cabin.

"Sorry, but this is as far as I can get you." The driver told them.

They opened the door and were greeted by a blizzard.

"The heck are we, Natsu?" Lucy asked as she stared out of the carriage. "This is a frozen wasteland!"

The wizards and cat exited the carriage and began walking down a snow covered path, hoping to find some clue to where Macao had gone. However, Lucy was more than bit distracted by change in weather.

"Why's it so cold?" She asked, shaking as she walked behind Natsu and Happy. "I get that we're on a mountain, but it's the middle of summer!"

"Well it's your fault for wearing lite clothes." Natsu said never breaking his stride.

"Oh, please! Like you're dressed for a winter excursion. Now gimme that blanket!" She said trying to pull the blanket of Natsu's back.

"Wow, she just keeps talkin, doesn't she?" He asked Happy on his shoulder.

"Oh, I know!" She pulled out a silver key. **"Open, Gate of the Clock Constellation - Horologium!"**From the seal on the ground came a grandfather clock with arms and an oddly shaped head.

"A clock?" Natsu said as he raised an eyebrow. "That's cool." Happy added.

Lucy wrapped herself in Natsu's blanket and locked herself inside the clock spirits chest. She tried to speak, but the glass prevented the other two from hearing her.

"Wha, I can't hear you." Natsu said to the girl.

"She said I'm staying in here and nothing you can do can get me to come out." Horologium said in place of Lucy.

"So then why'd you tag along?" Natsu said, annoyed at her actions.

"What kind of bizarre assignment would force Macao to come to this crazy place, she inquires."

"You should have asked that before you came along." Natsu said, turning to Lucy. "He went to slay a Vulcan, it's a big monster." Lucy was scared at Natsu's explanation.

"Take me back to the guild right this instant, she declares." Horologium says for Lucy.

"Go ahead and be my guest, I say back." Natsu said as kept trudging through the snow. He came to a cliffs edge and called out to his friend. "MACAO, CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

His shouting attracted the wrong kind of attention because a Vulcan came up from behind him and slammed its fists into the ground. Natsu jumped back avoid being crushed. The beast looked up with a smile.

"That's a big Vulcan!" Happy screamed, not helping the situation. The Vulcan sniffed the air and a grin came on its face. It ran off towards Lucy. "Hey, get back here!"

The beast banged its arms on the glass, causing the Lucy to look up. The Vulcan had picked up the spirit and was looking in. "Me Like Human Woman!"

Natus slammed his fists together, creating a wave of flames. "So it can talk, huh?"

The Vulcan lifted the clock spirit above itself and began running into the blizzard, giggling creepily. Horologium was screaming in Lucy's place for them to rescue her.

***Mt. Hakobe Summit***

Inside a cave, the Vulcan was dancing around Lucy, excited for some unknown reason. "How did I get myself into this mess? And what's with this giant monkey? Why is he so excited, she asks scared of the answer." Horologium says verbatim for Lucy.

The monkey pressed its face against he glass, sending a chill down Lucy's spine. Things only got worse as Horologium disappeared in bright light, leaving Lucy on the ground.

"Where'd you, Horologium? Don't you disappear on me!" Lucy screamed as the Vulcan stared directly at her.

"Sorry, but my time is up." His voice rang out from the spirit world. "Take care."

"Give me an extension, PLEASE!" She cried out as the Vulcan prepared to 'play' with his new 'friend'.

"Hey, you big ape!" A voice rang out causing Lucy to turn. She saw Natsu running full speed towards her. "Where's Macao? Tell me!"

Her hopes were soon dashed as her would-be savior tripped on the icy floor, crashing into a wall.

"That was not cool. Why does he think he need to make an entrance all the time?" Lucy asked as she face palmed her self.

"Talk monkey, where is my friend?" Natsu asked as he stood up. At the same time, Lucy ran over to his side. "You can talk, right? He's a human male. So tell me where he is?! Where are you hiding him?!" He asked pointing his finger.

Lucy could only stare in horror at the stupidity Natsu was demonstrating. The Vulcan then pointed to a nearby wall.

Natsu ran over to the wall and looked out a hole, only for the beast to push him out of the hole. Natsu fell into a deep hole as Lucy could only watch in horror. Behind her, the Vulcan was dancing and grunting.

"This is bad. He can't survive out there." She turned to the Vulcan and threw the blanket off. "Okay, ya pervy monkey, you're going down." She reached for her keys and pulled off a golden one.

**"Open, Gate of the Golden Bull, Taurus!"** From the seal in the ground came a humanoid cow with a giant axe strapped to his back. "I'm warning you, monkey boy, Taurus is strongest spirit I'm contracted with." Said spirit then proceeded to hit on Lucy. "Oh yeah, he's a big old perv to." She said rubbing her head in disappointment.

This action apparently angered the Vulcan, who claimed Lucy was 'his woman'. This in turn angered Taurus, who unsheathed his axe and swung it. The Vulcan was able to dodged the hit and ran towards Taurus.

However, Natsu came from nowhere and kicked Taurus in the face, knocking the spirit out.

"Hey, how come there are more monsters now than before?" He asked pointing to the Vulcan.

"You idiot, the cow's one of my spirits!" Lucy screamed at him. "Wait, how did you get back in here?"

Natsu looked at her and grinned. "You can thank Happy for that. Thanks, little buddy."

"Oh, so a flying cat is fine. You just can't handle any other mode of transportation." She asked coldly, only to have her sweat drop as Natsu explained that Happy is his friend.

The Vulcan slammed its fist above Natsu, only to have it caught by his forarm. "Listen up, monkey. Everyone the Fairy Tail guild my friend." The Vulcan than kicked Natsu, who brought his arms up to protect himself. The force behind the kick pushed him away. "Whether it's Gramps or Mira, hell, even those jerks Gray and Elfman." The Vulcan charged on all fours as Natsu began to glow in a red aura. "And Laki and Happy and Lucy too. They're all my friends. So that's why I'm not leaving without Macao!"

He kicked the beast with a flaming kick, launching it into the ceiling. Icicles fell as it landed on all fours. It brought its hands forward, launch the ice shards at Natsu, who heated up his body to protect himself, creating steam. The steam faded, revealing the brute holding Taurus's axe.

The Vulcan swung the axe repeatedly as Natsu dodged hit after hit before slipping on the icy floor. The beast swung again only for Natsu to hold off the hit with his bare hands. The blade began to glow around his hands as he melted it. The fiery pellets dropped into his open mouth, before he spit them at the Vulcan.

Ready to end it, he slammed his fists together before throwing himself at the Vulcan. "Choke on this.**Fire Dragon Iron Fist!"** He punched the beast with his flaming hand, sending crashing into a wall. It laid there unconscious.

"Hey, wasn't this monkey gonna tell us where your friend is?" Lucy asked as they walked over to it, causing Natsu to scratch his head in embarrassment. "Well, I don't think he's gonna be talking for a while."

Suddenly, the Vulcan's body began to glow before exploding into a bright light. Natsu stared wide-eyed as the creature was replaced, by Macao.

"I guess he was taken-over by that Vulcan." Happy said still airborne. Lucy asked what he meant, so Happy explained. "See, Vulcans survive by stealing human body's and then taking them over. They're evil body snatchers."

Minutes later, Macao was sprawled on Natsu's blanket heavily bandaged. "Macao, don't you die on me. Romeo's waitin for you, so open your eyes!" Natsu screamed at the body.

Macao slowly opened his eyes. "I'm pathetic." Natsu and Lucy looked with confused eyes. "I took out nineteen of those brutes. But number twenty, that's the one that got me. I was so anger with myself. I couldn't go home and face Romeo."

As Natsu tried to cheer his friend up, Lucy was thinking. 'No way. There were twenty pervy monkeys and he still took the job by himself?!' As Natsu helped Macao to his feet she could think one thing. 'They're incredible. I can't begin to compare my self to them.

***Magnolia***

Romeo was sitting on some stairs deep in thought. He thought back to the teasing that the bully's gave him. How he approached his father and begged him to take a job. How it was his fault that his dad had been missing for over a week.

"Hey, Romeo!" A voice rang out to him. Wiping his tears, he looked up to see Natsu, Lucy, Happy,

and his father.

Overcome with joy, the child launched off the steps and latched onto his fathers neck, sending them both to the ground.

"I'm so sorry, dad!" Romeo said through his tears. "It's my fault."

"Don't blame yourself, kid." Macao said as he hugged his son. "If anything, I'm sorry for making you worry. The next time those bully's bother you, here's what you say. Can you old man take down nineteen monsters alone? Because mine can."

His son smiled and nodded and as the others walked away into the sunset, he screamed to them. "Thanks for bringing my daddy home to me."