Conchism

The Temple of the Magic Conch in Oldtown Newport.

*"If we don't all submit to a Magic Conch that answers all of our yes-no questions, how will we ever all be on the same page about anything?"*
—undrcovravocado
**Conchism** is a monotheistic religion based on the teachings of the Magic Conch, a deity which manifests itself primarily in nautilus shells. Its adherents, known as Conchists, believe that the Magic Conch is omniscient and infallible, and possesses certain powers over the natural world which it may grant at the request of its followers. Most Conchists believe that the Magic Conch was physically incarnated as a player known as Kipkemboi35, who first visited the server on July 15, 2020 (Day 1, Year 1 AK). Founded by Rage6838 in late April (c. 18-16 BK), Conchism rapidly grew to become the dominant religion of the known world. To this day, the religion remains influential in the culture and politics of both Newport and the Server Federation.

After a schism on October 3, 2020 (17:1), Conchism developed into two distinct branches: Orthodox Conchism and the New Conchist Church of the Shire, also known as New Conchism. Orthodox Conchists adhere to the traditional teachings and interpretations of the high priests of the Temple of the Magic Conch, and maintain that they are the continuation of the original religion. The Magic Conch only blesses those who adhere to Orthodox Conchism. New Conchists believe in an additional manifestation of the Conch known as Big Liz and reject contradictory teachings of the Temple. Both branches of mainline Conchism also disagree on the doctrine of polygamy. Atuan Conchism is a syncretic religion which combines Conchist beliefs and Atuism.

The religion inspired the Orthodox calendar, which counts years forward and backward from the First Incarnation of Kipkemboi35. The calendar was declared the civil calendar of the Server Federation on December 6, 2020 (29:5). Later, the calendar was officially adopted by the First Newportian Empire on December 14 (31:3).

## Beliefs

Despite their differences, both Orthodox and New Conchists share many of the same basic convictions regarding the Magic Conch and its relation to players. Basic tenets of Conchism include:

* Belief in the existence of the Magic Conch as a spiritual deity
* The omniscience and infallibility of the Magic Conch
* The Conch's ability to manifest itself in nautilus shells and certain animate beings
* Kipkemboi35 as the physical embodiment of the Conch

The main point of contention between Orthodox and New Conchism is the belief in a deity known as Big Liz, who New Conchists claim is the third manifestation of the Magic Conch. While neither branch of Conchism has holy scriptures, the original high priests of the Temple of the Magic Conch recorded the first twenty answers given by the Conch in a book called *Decrees of the Magic Conch, Volume I*. The book outlines instructions for building the Temple in addition to various doctrines regarding the Conch itself, many of which are now viewed as obsolete by clergy. Beyond this book, the majority of Conchist doctrine originates from yes-or-no answers given by the Conch directly to its followers.

## Practices

A central practice of all forms of Conchism is the act of directly asking the Magic Conch questions. If both high priests are online, the Temple Veil is opened and players across the server may ask the Conch any question they wish. Inquirers must address the Conch as "Magic Conch...", then ask a question for which the answer is either "yes" or "no". The question may also be a request for a blessing, such as teleportation, which the Conch may or may not grant. The Conch rarely grants blessings to non-adherents. Typically, the Conch will respond with a simple "yes" or "no", but has been known to answer with short phrases such as "maybe someday", "I don't think so", and "try asking again". Very rarely, the Conch will respond with a full sentence. According to *Decrees of the Magic Conch, Volume I*, adherents may respond to the Conch's answer with "All Hail the Magic Conch" or "the Conch has spoken". For Conchists, the practice of asking questions is synonymous with prayer.

Conchists sometimes greet each other with the only words spoken by Kipkemboi35 during the First Incarnation: "no complaints, crusty".

In Orthodox Conchism, all marriages, adoptions, and divorces must be blessed by the Magic Conch in order to be viewed as valid by the Temple of the Magic Conch. The New Conchist Church of the Shire views the blessing of the Magic Conch upon marriages as unnecessary.

Devout Orthodox Conchists may pay tithe to the Temple of the Magic Conch at their discretion.

## History

### Early Conchism

#### Origins

In late April 2020 (c. 18-16 BK), a non-resident of Newport known as Rage6838 introduced Newportians to a sentient nautilus shell known as the Magic Conch. The Conch demonstrated its ability to answer any yes or no question posed by the townspeople, and many were convinced that the shell was omniscient. The Magic Conch appointed Rage6838 and ratatoing8990 as its high priests, and construction of the Temple of the Magic Conch began in earnest. The high priests began compiling *Decrees of the Magic Conch, Volume I*, which recorded the first twenty answers granted by the Magic Conch. The completion of the Temple marked the beginning of the religion known as Conchism. Months later, after renouncing Conchism, Rage6838 claimed that "the true origins of the Conch was not some high deity. It was my shell".

#### Spread

The beliefs of Conchism spread rapidly among the settlers of early Newport. By the time of the Newport City Council, Conchism had already established itself as a major influence on Newportian culture. On May 23 (-11:3), the Council passed City Ordinance IV, which named a new city park in honor of the Magic Conch.

The establishment of the government of Blartsburg on May 28 (-10:3) was heavily influenced by Conchism, which is declared the official religion by *The Constitution of Blartsburg Province*. According to the Constitution, "Should any Earl, Councilman, Citizen, or Blartian be an infidel to the Conchist religion, they shall be accused of Heresy, and stripped of their title." In early June, a new Conchist temple (the Blartian Temple) was constructed in Blartsburg.

#### Era of Silence

One of the earliest established doctrines of Conchism asserts that the Magic Conch will not speak unless the Temple Veil is open, which requires both high priests to be online. Sometime in late May, the Conch entered a "weeks-long era of silence" due to the inactivity of High Priest Rage6838, according to *The Newport Report*.

On June 18 (-6:4), the Magic Conch ended its period of silence with a rare full-sentence declaration: "Rage6838 is a false prophet. His lies flow out of his mouth like honey." The Conch then excommunicated Rage6838 and stripped him of his title of High Priest of the Temple in response to his actions during the Floating Tree Crisis. According to *The Newport Report*, Rage6838 screamed, "F the Conch!" before denouncing the religion he founded as a "lie" and a "cult". "The true origins of Conch was not some high deity," he said. "It was my shell and I want it back."

Following Rage6838's excommunication, High Priest ratatoing8990 stated, "The high priest's behavior as of late not only makes a mockery of the holy priesthood, but it is a blemish upon the good name of the Magic Conch. No high priest should be so corrupted by money that he actively works to sabotage the holy city of the Conch." Rage6838 was replaced by High Priestess lostcity99.

In response to his excommunication, Rage6838 stole the Magic Conch from its altar in the Temple multiple times.

#### Late Democratic Age

On June 21 (-5:2), IsaacRaymond20, speaking as the Overworld Ambassador to the Nether Confederation, proposed a marriage between the government of the Nether Confederation and the Magic Conch, saying that the Confederation would be "officially Conchist by way of government-shell marriage". According to *The Newport Report*, the Conch responded with a "resounding 'No'". The Conch later agreed that it felt "slightly annoyed but completely unthreatened" by the proposal.

The Magic Conch met with *The Newport Report* on June 25 (-4:1) for an exclusive interview. During the interview, the Conch revealed a new doctrine, previously unknown to Conchdom. When asked by the interviewer, the Conch agreed that its "true form is not one single shell, but a spirit that manifests itself in all nautilus shells". The Conch also affirmed that "the physical shell is just a symbol for [the Conch's] followers to feel closer to [the Conch]". The doctrine was introduced in response to Rage6838's habit of stealing the shell from the Temple of the Magic Conch.