Life is a Halloween "Guardian of Pumpkin Hill"

Still from Special

## Overview

In this Special, we follow Dan and Daniels as they seek to take down Guardian of Pumpkin Hill, whilst recording it. Along the Way, they meet and greet strange people, ones we've seen before, but also meeting new characters.

YouTube Link to the Video

## Plot

Daniels roamed around, looking for his Boss, Dan. Eventually he finds him, already in a Halloween Costume, dressing up as Mysterio. This change just being the Color of his Visor. Soon, Dan asks Danials if he would be interested in filming him taking down the Gaudian of Pumpkin Hill.

The Guradian of Pumpkin Hill, as told by Dan, is someone who returns on Hallow's Eve, to return to his Throne. Challengers fight against him to take over said throne. No one has ever succeeded. Dan believes he will win against the Guardian, for he will use great means to take the throne. Danials agrees to assist and record. before they can do that, they must take measures to ensue in this Quest. First, they must retrieve a Weapon that can produce fire, to hurt the living shit out of the Guardian, they visit Eggman for this.

Dan and Danials arrive to the Location of Eggman. Dan attempts to persuade Eggman to hand over some equipment that can do the deed. However, Eggman refuses. Eggman doesn't directly give them the tools, but informs Dan to go to the Launch site, where Fire and shit are at. Dan and Danials also record this, for like a Short or something. They leave him to arrive at the Launch Site. Here, as Dan works on the whatever thing, Danials informs that Carla had kidnapped him at one point. This is just some Backstory stuff though/. However, Carla is also after Dan.

Danials asks Dan what he would do once he became the New Guardian. Dan simply answered renaming Pumpkin Hill to Cum-pkin Hill. Also making some Halloween rip-offs. Idea being...

> "...Mike Myers strikes back, this time, to kill his Brother-in-Law, Lawrence Strobe..." - Dan Graves, said in *Life is a Halloween*
>
>

Dan finishes the Weapon and informs Danials what to do next. As he did, a strange sound comes from behind him. He turns around to see **Ruselle Thaddeus**. Who is the head Cosmonaut for the UNSC. Before Russel could explain more, Dan throws a Firebomb Grenade, igniting the Cosmonaut. However, this was the device Dan had to kill a Virgin. However, Russel was not a Virgin, leaving the two with only one left. Some time later, they journey to seek a Virgin. They also speak of someone referred to as Vector.

They soon meet **Shaggy**, from Scooby-Doo. However, he is not the Virgin. He is the one to commence the Ritual. For he is Shaggy, the Shagester of the Mid-West, Starter of Space and Time. Shaggy informs of a Virgin that lives on 343 Guilty Lane. But they must be careful, for if they awaken him, he will shut down the Gaming Servers. Shaggy Leaves, Stoned or whatever. Dan and Danials arrive to 343 Guilty Lane, to find their Virgin. Instantly, they are met with Carla. Carla is a Straight Up Stalker. She knows of their Quest and wants to Help. She also refers to Dan as Danielle. After a Brief Discussion about Carla being kicked out of a Plane Mid-flight, Carla insists she helps.

Before they could discuss it further, they are met with Phil Spencer. After lots of jokes referring to Phil Spencer, Dan tries to ask Phil to go with them. Phil quickly figures this out to be a Kidnapping. However, Dan lies to Phil and tells him it's for a Get-together. And Promises a Song, and so Phil Requests of it. Dan tries to Sing, Rapping or Something. He can't Sing. Phil Spencer gets Uncomfortably Aroused and demands to make Love with Dan. However, Carla has him sedated. Dan fires upon Carla to get her away from him and his Quest. The Two carry Phil away. Soon, Phil Wakes up. Dan askes him to Sleep again, but Phil does not and awakening goes with them.

The three soon meet with Shaggy. It's revealed Phil is Shaggy's Dad. Shaggy and Phil go off to prepare. While Dan and Danials go find a Place to do this thing aat. They arrive to the Property of **Will Smith** and his Son, **Jaden Smith**. Dan distracts the two with a Movie Idea. Dan also kills Jaden Smith. Will attempts to kill Dan, but Dan once again talks about the Halloween Rip-off. Dan then comes up with an idea to have 9/11 2, Will agrees as long as Obama Bin Laden is there-

Suddenly Will is rolled over Carla. Dan grows mad at her. But Shaggy was the one to send her to Dan, to inform him that the Ritual is Ready. Against at first, Dan gets into the vehicle with her and she takes him to the Ritual Site.

And Soon, they arrive to Pumpkin Hill. But Danials is currently not here, and so should Dan move on and commence his Plan. Danials soon arrives and throws a Sticky Grenade to blow up Carla and the Warthog she was in. The Two enter the People, Dan askes Danials to stay in the Shadows to record and not to fuck up the scene. He meets up with Shaggy and Phil. They are now ready to began. Though, Shaggy must do one more thing, he kisses Dan and readies himself. his Father Phil is Sacrificed. Suddenly, words of "Cuck cuck, cuck cuck, It's Knuckles!", and so the Ritual has succeeded. They meet with the Guardian, who is..**.Knuckles**. Tis start the Fuck off!

Knuckles wants the Sex and Daniels is ready to record. Knuckles draws his Missile Pod and fires down onto them. Dan fights back. They ensue in a fight. Whilst Knuckles launches Rockets Dan fires his SMGs. But they he switches to his magnum and slays Knuckles. However, Knuckle is alive and enters his Vehicle beside him. He drives after Dan, trying to kill him. But Dan fights, why wouldn't he? After a Entertaining vehicle fight agonist someone out of a Vehicle. Until Dan himself gets in a Jeep and drives away, becoming a Car Chase. However, he soon crashes and gets out, just to get into another one. The Chase continues on. Dan exits his Warthog and runs away, Knuckles exits his own and follows.

By the Time he catches up to him, it's shown the Dan hew as chasing was a HoloDan. A Hologram of himself. Knuckles turns around to see the real Dan. Knuckles jumps into the air and exclaims he will never be killed. But Dan get a few shots on him, which ends up killing him after all. Dan grows happy and Excited to be the new Guardian of Pumpkin Hill. Hastagazpacho then drives up in his Warthog and runs him over. But Dan is fine of course.

And Dan and Daniels discuss what the can do with the Editing at the end, they decide to make a Epilogue. Where Dan begins his Speech, just to be run over by a Ghost.

## Script

Life is a Halloween - Machinima Short

EXT. LONGSHORE - DAY

DAN stands on the docks, looking out to the ocean. DANIELS walks up.

DANIELS:
Oh, there you are. Happy Halloween, Dan. I see you’re dressed up. Sort of.

DAN:

I sure am, baby. Colored my visor to be like Mysterio. Master of illusions and all that crazy shit. Movie stuff.

DANIELS:

Oh! I just finished editing the bar scene from Live and Let Dan 3 - The Wrath of Cancer Dan.

DAN:

Daniels… can I ask you a question, baby?

DANIELS:

Uh, well yeah sure, of course you can.

DAN:

How would you feel about filming me taking down the Guardian of Pumpkin Hill?

DANIELS:

Is that even possible?

DAN:

Anything is possible these days, baby. I mean, I’m king of the mole people, I can practically do anything. So, I think I can take over Pumpkin Hill. You know the story? Every Hallow’s Eve, the Guardian of Pumpkin Hill returns to his throne, awaiting a challenger to face him in order to take over the throne. Not once has he lost… but today… you and I will change that.

See, it’s really easy, baby. All we gotta do is napalm the shit outta someone, begin the ritual, then fight the Guardian of Pumpkin Hill himself. I got it in the bag, baby, seriously.

DANIELS:

Wow, well if you think it will work, then sure thing! I’ll get my camera ready and we’ll be good to go.

DAN:

No time, Daniels! Hallow’s Eve has just begun, and we’re behind. We need to find the virgin sacrifice and burn them. And I know just the place to start…

Cut to

INT. FOUNDRY - DAY

DAN walks up to EGGMAN in his lair.

DAN:

Happy Halloween, Eggman!

EGGMAN:

OH FUCK OFF! NO MORE TRICK OR TREATING! JOY IS FOR THE WEAK!

DAN:

Yep, totally, so I was thinking, I should totally kill the Guardian of Pumpkin Hill, take his soul and yada yada. And Daniels and I are going about the first step. We need fire.

EGGMAN:

NO!

DAN:

No yeah, we need fire.

EGGMAN:

I MEAN NO! YOU CAN NOT USE MY FIRE DEVICES! FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME, DAN! I DON’T WANT YOUR GRUBBY LITTLE BLIZERIAN HANDS ALL OVER MY FUCKING TOOLS!

DAN:

Now see, I feel you’re being unreasonable. That’s not the Halloween spirit. Look, look, let’s run it over like this, okay?

DAN does a 360 then faces EGGMAN.

DAN:

Trick or treat!

EGGMAN:

FUCK OFF FATTY!

DAN:

N-no, this… this is the part where you give me the devices… it’s a joke… A Halloween joke…

EGGMAN:

YOU WANT FIRE!? FINE! GO TO THE LAUNCH PAD! I KEEP ISOLATED FUEL AND RANDOM SHIT THERE! AVOID THE COSMONAUT IF YOU CAN!

DAN:

Sure thing, baby, I get you.

DAN looks back to DANIELS.

DAN:

EZ poggers baby.

DANIELS:

Alright, let’s do it again, this time from the window.

EGGMAN:

FUCK OFF!

EGGMAN starts shooting. DAN and DANIELS run off.

EGGMAN:

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

DAN:

See ya, Eggman! Time to go!

Cut to

EXT. HIGH GROUND - DAY

DAN stands at the end of the missile silo, checking it out. DANIELS stands on the ground below him.

DANIELS:

So I think the shots worked great! Got a great angle of you and Eggman before he… ya know.

DAN:

Good, good. I bet this shit is gonna be fan-fucking-tastic, baby. And on Halloween too? Couldn’t get any better.

DANIELS:

Oh right, did I tell you I was kidnapped by Carla?

DAN:

Ugh… jeez, don’t tell me that bitch still is after me.

DANIELS:

She is.

DAN:

Yep, yeah that sounds like her. Man what am I gonna do about that one, baby.

DANIELS:

So uh… what do you think you’re going to do as Guardian of Pumpkin Hill?

DAN:

First, rename it to Cumkin Hill. Then… I dunno, make some Halloween rip-offs. Mike Myers strikes back! This time to kill his brother-in-law, Laurence Strobe. I dunno, been toying with the idea for a while. Oh- oh hold it… I think… we’re making progress.

DAN steps back, standing up.

DAN:

Got it now, time to find someone to napalm then-

Radio static is heard as RUSSELLE turns the corner.

RUSSELLE:

Greetings, martians! I am Russelle Thaddeus, head cosmonaut of the UNSC-

DAN throws a fire grenade at RUSSELLE.

RUSSELLE:

AHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT BURNS! MISSION CONTROL MY FUSELAGE IS DAMAGED!

DAN:

Shit he’s not a virgin! I only got one more! Gotta go!

DAN jumps down, running off with DANIELS.

Cut to

EXT. GHOST TOWN - DAY

DAN and DANIELS walk down a path.

DAN:

Now we just find a virgin to sacrifice.

DANIELS:

Hmm, where can we find one? I don’t think they just… exist, do they? Maybe if we contact the-

DAN:

Shshshshshhh, Daniels. Baby, listen to me. I got ways. People in dark corners and places beyond your mortal realm.

DANIELS:

You do? Like Vector?

DAN:

Haha yeah no, no Vector. That’s pretty much impossible. No, we will find someone… or more accurately, that someone will find us.

SHAGGY jumps down to DAN and DANIELS.

SHAGGY:

Yo man you got a scooby snack?

DAN:

Oh holy shit. Are you… the guy?

SHAGGY:

I’m Shaggy from Scooby-Doo. Wanna d-d-d-d-d-duel bro? Like me and my old roommate?

DAN:

Nope, no, baby. We need the virgin sacrifice. So come with us and-

SHAGGY:

Incorrect, semen huffer. I am not the virgin sacrifice. I am the one who shall commence the ritual.

DAN:

Huh?

DANIELS:

Ooo plot twist!

SHAGGY:

Your filthy measly hands won’t do the work. I can do it. I am Shaggy D, Shagster of the midwest. Stoner of space and time. I shall perform the sacrifice, then you shall meet with the Guardian of Pumpkin Hill.

DAN:

Oh… you uh… know?

SHAGGY:

Lol this ritual only works for that.

DAN:

Huh oh right, yeah, that makes sense. Well, baby, what do I have to do?

SHAGGY:

Collect the virgin. He lives at 343 Guilty Lane. But be careful… he will shut down the game servers if you awaken him.

DAN:

Uhh… o-okay, sure thing, baby, I get you, I get you. So, I shall uh… get him?

SHAGGY:

Meet me at The Construct Contingency with the virgin. We shall take transport from there to the ritual site. Be swift my cunt.

DAN:

What the fuck did you just say?

SHAGGY:

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

SHAGGY throws a grenade down, killing himself.

SHAGGY:

Wooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww… far out maaaaaaaaaaannnnnnn… I see the consonants.

DAN:

Ah… great, he’s on a trip. Well… cool, let’s see who the virgin is.

DAN turns around.

Cut to

EXT. VALHALLA - DAY

DAN and DANIELS arrive at red base.

DAN:

This is the place.

DANIELS:

Okay cool, let me get some shots and we’ll be ready for the interaction scene.

CARLA is suddenly seen behind DAN.

CARLA:

Hello, Dan.

DAN:

Carla! What the FUCK!?

CARLA:

I see you’re busy. Hopefully not too busy to talk to me.

DAN:

What the fuck are you doing here!? I’m in a scene, baby.

CARLA:

You’re performing the ritual, aren’t you?

DAN:

Yes, yeah I am. So what?

CARLA:

I can aid in your quest to become Guardian of Pumpkin Hill. My skills can be rather… extraordinary… in times like these, Dan.

DAN:

They can also be annoying as shit. God look just get the fuck outta here, okay baby? We’ll talk shit over once I’m done.

CARLA:

Oh no, I won’t be leaving so easily this time. You may have kicked me out of a plane and into the engine mid flight, but I am not so easily perturbed. Not anymore.

DANIELS:

Aww man, that would have been amazing to film! It’s like Syndrome!

DAN:

It would have, I would be laughing my ass off watching her get torn to shreds. We should organize that shit.

CARLA:

I would too, just because it seems to be the most acceptable thing to laugh at in that scenario.

DAN:

Look, fuck off. I need to kidnap this… guy, then be off-

CARLA:

I can do it. I am very good at taking people against their will.

DAN:

Ah… no.

DANIELS:

Oh no, I can vouch for her.

DAN:

I know! But that’s not what’s important right now, Daniels. What matters right now is we do it my way, baby. Just you and me.

CARLA:

And of course… me.

DAN:

Can we use you for the virgin sacrifice instead?

CARLA:

I don’t believe that will be acceptable…

PHIL SPENCER walks out of the base, looking at the group.

PHIL SPENCER:

Hello. I am 343. Or as most commonly known, Phil Spencer.

DAN:

Who?

PHIL SPENCER:

Would you three like a Halo this Halloween? Or should I say… Haloween. Eh, eh, eh. I am comedy.

DAN:

Uhhh…

PHIL SPENCER:

For reasons unknown to you, I have a very personal relationship with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Would you like him to sign you? We go way back. Way back.

DAN:

The Rock?

DANIELS:

Ooo a cameo.

CARLA:

I don’t require The Cock.

DAN:

You must be the uh… you’re uh… Phil Spencer, yes you said that, baby. Yeah what your name again?

PHIL SPENCER:

343 Industries. Or as most commonly known, Phil Spencer.

DAN:

Phil, yeah uh, you mind… uh… coming with us, baby?

PHIL SPENCER:

Oh. A kidnapping in progress. I shall call the police.

DAN:

No! No no no, you don’t need the police. It’s a friendly little get-together. We uhh… invited The Rock to show up too.

DANIELS:

Already got the release forms signed!

DAN:

So uhh… come along. I uh, do you want a song?

PHIL SPENCER:

Yes. Give me a song.

DAN:

Uhh… yo what’s up… it’s ya boi, Dan Graves, in the flesh. Coming at ya with a sick hot beat. Mm! Mmm yeah! Yeah, cash me outside wit dat. Yeah. Uh, the economy crashed, yeah. Now we all poor. Woop. Uh. It’s Halloween. Yeah, baby, yeah. I gotta trick or treaan… yeah baby yeah. I gotta uh… gotta knock up a clown over the- knock out a clown. Pennywise? More like… Pennyfuckingsucks. Yo, baby. Word up. Trick or treat bitch.

PHIL SPENCER:

I am uncomfortably aroused. Let me make love to you.

Two needles are shot into PHIL SPENCER’s neck as he falls down. CARLA is seen holding her needler.

CARLA:

The kidnapping has occurred, now the ritual may continue.

DAN shoots at CARLA.

DAN:

No you stupid bitch, fuck off, baby.

CARLA runs off.

CARLA:

I’ll be back soon. In your dreams…

DAN:

No thank you. Come on, Daniels. We’ll just uh… carry the guy. Yeah, super easy baby. Easy as a sack of potatoes. Or some shit. Can you add a good saying in post?

DANIELS:

I’ll check it out later for sure.

DAN and DANIELS walk up to the body of PHIL SPENCER.

DAN:

Yeesh, he looks out cold. Do we have a car we can get or…

DANIELS:

Well… there’s always Blu-

DAN:

Yep-bup-bup-bup. No. No we’ll just…

DAN looks to the side, seeing a tank.

DAN:

Well holy shit!

DANIELS:

Ooo a dolly for the camera.

DAN:

No no, it’s more than that. It’s opportunity. Come along, let’s get Mr. Spencer checked out.

DAN walks over to the tank, getting in.

Cut to

INT. CONSTRUCT - DAY

DANIELS, DAN and PHIL SPENCER rock up at the top of the elevator?

PHIL SPENCER:

I have woken up mid-kidnapping.

DAN:

Fuck, uh… can you go back to sleep so we can keep this going?

DANIELS:

This sounds like it could be a continuity error.

PHIL SPENCER:

I am awoken. And I shall stay woke. For the rest of time.

DAN:

Well I guess that’s fine, baby. As long as you’re like… following our directions. Like acting a scene, baby. Like a scene.

PHIL SPENCER:

Yes. Act.

DAN:

Great, alright. I guess just follow us until we find Shaggy.

DAN looks around before walking down the hall, DANIELS and PHIL SPENCER following. They stop when they find SHAGGY, looking at them.

SHAGGY:

Oh lol you actually brought the virgin of 343. What’s up dad.

DAN:

This… this is your dad?

PHIL SPENCER:

Yes. I am dad.

SHAGGY:

Yep, my dad works at Microsoft, or should I say, is Microsoft. Eh eh, show me some love, sugar.

SHAGGY walks up to PHIL SPENCER and gets beaten down by him.

PHIL SPENCER:

My love and adoration of my son is only rivaled by my hatred for PlayStations. Grr. I will fuck a PlayStation in half. Chris-Chan as my witness.

DAN:

Well this is awfully sweet and all, baby. But we gotta sacrifice you now.

SHAGGY gets up.

SHAGGY:

Correct, Dan Blizerian-

DAN:

Graves. I ascended, baby.

SHAGGY:

Kk. well, are you ready?

DAN:

Yep, Hallow’s Eve shall change forever on this day. God this is fucking awesome, baby! Seriously, just you see.

SHAGGY:

Very well, Dan. Meet me at an address in an hour. I must prepare my father.

PHIL SPENCER:

That is correct. Thank you, Shaggy.

SHAGGY:

Of course, father.

PHIL SPENCER and SHAGGY walk out as DAN and DANIELS watch.

DAN:

Well. That worked. Now we uhh… wait, then we take ownership of Pumpkin Hill. Easy. So uhh… I uh… where the fuck should we go?

Fade to

EXT. RAT’S NEST - DAY

WILL SMITH stands on the weird cliff thing, looking out into the distance. DAN walks up to WILL SMITH.

DAN:

Hey baby. Long time, ain’t it?

WILL SMITH:

Who are-

DAN:

It’s been that long, hasn’t it? Heh… I remember… the set of I’m A Legend. Heh those were the times. Man…

WILL SMITH:

I Am Legend.

DAN:

Grammar, baby, grammar, it’ll help you one day, baby. It did for me.

WILL SMITH:

I’m calling the police, get off my property.

DAN:

Yeah it was some time ago, but sometimes it just comes back, feeling like yesterday, doesn’t it? It’s crazy how comradery and time just flies around that like, huh? They should make some sorta time science. Hey, what if you and me pursue a movie where we’re time scientists, aiming to reverse like… I dunno, Cunto’s time.

WILL SMITH:

JADEN!? EY! JADEN! CODE YAH THAT’S HOT! I REPEAT! CODE YAH THAT’S HOT! THAT’S HOT!

DAN:

Yeah baby, that is hot. I think we could bring in some other big names, you know, provided they can act and everything. I’m thinking… John Cena as the lead scientist who denies our idea. The uh… uh Zach Snyder as the lab assistant who works for the big villain. Oh ho, and yes, for the villain. Christoph. Waltz. It is going to be fucking awesome!

JADEN SMITH walks up.

JADEN SMITH:

Hello.

DAN:

Ew, fuck off.

DAN aims and shoots at JADEN SMITH, killing him.

DAN:

Happy Halloween, bitch.

WILL SMITH:

YAH! YAH THAT’S HOT! THAT’S HOT!

DAN:

Anyways as I was saying, maybe we could-

WILL SMITH:

You just killed my only son, Jaden Smith.

DAN:

Huh? Yeah. Cool right?

WILL SMITH:

So not cool. You’re fucking dad essay.

WILL SMITH aims a gun at DAN.

DAN:

Whoah whoah, hey, baby. That’s not very Halloweeny. Okay, okay, a new movie okay? This time in the spirit of the season. Halloween 9/11. Michael Myers returns from the dead, kidnapping Laurie Strode’s daughter um uhhh… fucking I dunno, Margaret Thatcher, played by Jaden Smith. Yeah? Yeah then uh… it’s up to you… male Laurie Strode to get her back, otherwise uhh… uh Mike Myers, that fuck will uh… will do 9/11 2 on the Universal Trade Center.

WILL SMITH:

Bitch throw in Obama Bin Laden and I’m in.

DAN:

Oh shit that works?

CARLA runs over WILL SMITH off the cliff.

DAN:

CARLA YOU WHORE!

CARLA:

Hello, Dan. I see we cross paths yet again.

DAN:

We were coming up with movies ideas you FUCKING bitch! God damn it, baby. I was… ugh…

CARLA:

Shaggy sent me.

DAN:

What?

CARLA:

The ritual is ready. It shall begin, and you shall take control of Hallow’s Eve.

DAN:

Yeah… yeah I guess you’re right. I’ll walk my way down there.

CARLA runs over DAN.

CARLA:

There is no time, my Daniel. Get in, and we shall start.

DAN:

FUCK YOU!

CARLA:

We shall once you claim the throne of the Pumpkin King.

DAN gets on the turret.

DAN:

Whatever, baby. Let’s roll.

CARLA drives off the cliff.

Cut to

EXT. SANDTRAP - DAY

CARLA and DAN drive along the desert, stopping near a cliff.

CARLA:

Welcome to Pumpkin Hill.

DAN:

Yes, yeah I’ve been here plenty of times. To smoke pumpkin seeds. Seriously baby those seeds are fucking dope.

CARLA:

Are you ready for the ritual?

DAN:

Not really. I dunno, might get some monologue shots here with Daniels before it all begins and-

CARLA drives the car as they arrive at the front of the temple.

DAN:

Fucking bitch.

CARLA:

This is it.

DAN:

Aww man, really? Jeff The Killer’s temple? Couldn’t we… do this somewhere else? Like… Tilted Towers? The Twin Towers?

CARLA:

This is the resting place of the Guardian of Pumpkin Hill. Dan. This is the only way. I’ll be rooting for you in here.

DAN gets out and walks to the temple entrance.

DAN:

Whatever bitch.

CARLA:

And Dan… eat that pumpkin like you mean it.

DAN:

I’m actually allergic to pumpkin, but thank you, baby. Fuck off. Daniels?

DANIELS throws a grenade at CARLA’s car, blowing it up.

DANIELS:

Oh man! This was the perfect shot!

DAN:

Great! Alright… let’s get this shit rolling, mah dude.

DAN and DANIELS enter the temple.

DAN:

Daniels? Keep to the shadows, I don’t want you to disturb the process. This is a very important scene. I can not have this fuck up, alright baby?

DANIELS:

Got it. One with the shadows. I am Batman. But with a camera. Cameraman.

DAN:

Bingo.

DANIELS walks off, disappearing into the shadows. DAN walks up into the altar, finding SHAGGY and PHIL SPENCER standing on the pillar thingo.

DAN:

Hi honey I’m home.

SHAGGY:

No bromo.

PHIL SPENCER:

I can not wait for the stocks to expand.

SHAGGY:

Yes, my cock will expand as the ritual continues. Dan, did you bring the key from Red vs Blue?

DAN:

The what?

SHAGGY:

Fine, ignore that. The napalm is present, yes?

DAN:

Oh, yeah. Yeah I got it from a cosmonaut.

SHAGGY jumps down in front of DAN, walking up to him.

SHAGGY:

Very well, the ritual shall begin.

SHAGGY goes back up the altar and does a 360, now having an energy sword.

SHAGGY:

Baka baka no desu senpai ikimasu desu boku no pico senpai tee hee ikadakimasu.

PHIL SPENCER:

Oui. I do.

SHAGGY walks up and stabs PHIL SPENCER before nuking his body with a rocket launcher.

DAN:

Whoah…

SHAGGY:

The ritual is complete.

KNUCKLES (O.S.):

Cuck cuck. Cuck cuck. It’s Knuckles.

DAN:

What was that?

SHAGGY:

The ritual is complete, and soon, the battle shall commence.

DAN:

Aw hell yeah let’s go baby.

DAN runs outside, SHAGGY following. DAN and SHAGGY walk outside, stopping to look around.

DAN:

So uh… where’s it at?

SHAGGY:

Why… it’s right on the pumpkin patch.

SHAGGY walks forward, DAN following. SHAGGY stops, as does DAN.

KNUCKLES (O.S.):

Cuck cuck. Cuck cuck. Moan for me you submissive bitch.

DAN:

Is that him?

SHAGGY:

Indeed it is, man. Knuckles. Guardian of Pumpkin Hill.

SHAGGY and DAN look up, seeing KNUCKLES on the large hill overlooking them.

KNUCKLES:

Welcome to Pumpkin Hill. Are you ready to prove your worth and you’re gay?

DAN:

What.

SHAGGY:

He is challenging you to a fuck-off man. Come on, take off those pants, show him what he’s working with.

DAN:

Shaggy I don’t think you know how a fuck-off works here, baby. It’s not a measure of cock, but a measure of strength. A measure of who holds the bigger fuck. And I for one, have a whole lotta fuck, just for one echidna.

SHAGGY:

Are you gonna bone an echidna?

DAN:

God no! Jesus Christ, man! What the fuck are you on, baby. Jeez.

SHAGGY:

I’m high on life, man. Sober. Ever since I sacrificed Scrappy Doo to Fred, things haven’t been the same.

KNUCKLES:

So you think you can take my virginity just like that? Pah! You’re more pathetic than I thought, worthless rat!

DAN:

I can take your… I… I think we’re all on different pages here!

KNUCKLES:

So you think, but my cock goes through boulders! Cuck cuck it’s Knuckles, bitch! King of the pumpkin patch!

DAN:

Oh yo holy shit I’m King of the Mole People. Maybe we can work on some sorta compromise.

SHAGGY:

You can’t compromise with the Devil himself.

DAN:

First, it’s Knuckles, not Satan. Satan is Mokiefer. Second, it doesn’t hurt to try, baby.

KNUCKLES:

I regret to inform you, I do not compromise, I only cum. And so, you shall feel the cum of Hallow’s Eve upon you.

DAN:

Got a good shot, Daniels?

DANIELS:

Sure do. Lights! Camera! Action!

DAN:

Knuckles… the Cuckle Thrower… heh… never thought I would be standing here before you… but… I knew all that pain and suffering… I knew it would lead to something, just something. Something like this. And that baby, is why I know I’m gonna win this fuck-off.

KNUCKLES:

You dare cuck the Cuckles?

DAN:

I do!

SHAGGY:

Oh jeez Scoob, you really done it now.

KNUCKLES:

Heh heh heh, bakara. You miss one vital detail. I require the sacrifice of a virgin.

DAN:

Yeah we did that one.

KNUCKLES:

Oh shit really? Fuck. Uh well… I guess that uhh… well uh, time to fuck.

KNUCKLES throws a fire bomb, landing on SHAGGY as he burns.

SHAGGY:

Oh jeez, Mr. Stark, I been done turned into a blunt.

DAN:

Shaggy!? Noooooooo! No! I shall avenge you, not just… not for me, but for the both of us. FOR GEORGE BUSH!

DAN takes out his SMGs, firing at KNUCKLES. KNUCKLES retreats, looking to the missile pod by his side as he grabs it, firing at DAN. DAN jumps and does badass moves to avoid it, stopping to fire at KNUCKLES. KNUCKLES drops the missile pod when shot.

KNUCKLES:

AH! SON OF A BITCH! YOU’RE GONNA MOAN FOR FORGIVENESS AFTER THIS!

DAN switches to his pistol and fires, hitting KNUCKLES in the head as he falls over.

DAN:

Not on my watch, varmint! Ha ha! I have done it! The Guardian of Pumpkin Hill has been slain! I, Dan Graves, now own-

KNUCKLES (O.S.):

Fuck you, nerd!

DAN looks up, seeing KNUCKLES back up.

KNUCKLES:

You can not possibly comprehend my level of badassness! Onto phase 2!

DAN picks up his SMGs as KNUCKLES gets on the chopper and launches into the sky.

DAN:

Shit.

DAN turns and runs to the side, avoiding KNUCKLES as he crash lands. KNUCKLES reverses finding, DAN running across on the temple. DAN fires at KNUCKLES, causing KNUCKLES to drive around to run him down. KNUCKLES follows along after DAN before DAN pulls a 360 xbox jump, dodging the vehicle.

KNUCKLES turns around, shooting at DAN. DAN turns and runs inside of the pillars, running through them before ending up on the other side. KNUCKLES shows up in front of DAN, firing as DAN jumps up, firing down at KNUCKLES before landing on the other side of him.

KNUCKLES turns to fire at DAN, but DAN runs around, hiding behind a warthog while KNUCKLES shoots. DAN gets on the turret, firing at KNUCKLES. KNUCKLES turns and drives off around a hill. KNUCKLES turns and charges at DAN. DAN jumps off the warthog as KNUCKLES collides with it, making it explode.

DAN has jumped onto the next warthog, firing his SMGs before looking down and getting in the car.

DAN:

Oh shit oh shit oh shit.

DAN begins driving off, KNUCKLES following and shooting after him. DAN leads him on a chase through the temple, driving around corners before KNUCKLES manages to shoot the engine. DAN drives the car all the way to the large temple top, slowing to a stop at the end.

DAN gets out, looking to KNUCKLES who speeds towards him. DAN turns and runs passed a pillar towards the large cliff of Pumpkin Hill. KNUCKLES crashes against the warthog, driving off the temple before seeing DAN run up to the cliff. KNUCKLES follows after him, stopping and getting out to chase him.

DAN finally stands up on the cliff of Pumpkin Hill, stopping to face KNUCKLES who walks towards DAN.

KNUCKLES:

You gave me a good run for my money, but it ends here… pumpkin eater.

DAN:

So you may think, Kyle.

KNUCKLES:

Knuckles.

DAN:

Y-you… you sure it’s not like Kyle? I dunno I just thought Knuckles… Kyle, they’re pretty much the same, baby. Like Dan and HoloDan.

KNUCKLES:

What was that, you moaning fuck?

The real DAN is seen behind KNUCKLES, aiming to his head before firing, killing him. DAN looks to the HoloDAN before it flickers away.

DAN:

HoloDans.

DAN looks over at the radio station, then walks to the edge of the cliff, looking down.

DAN:

Well holy shit. I did it. I saved Halloween and became the Guardian of Pumpkin Hill. Huh, I don’t really feel any different. I guess… I guess it shows that power isn’t everything in a person’s life… it’s just a tool-

HASTAGAZPACHO drives up, hitting DAN off the cliff.

HASTAGAZPACHO:

Ah fuck! Did I hit a kid!?

HASTAGAZPACHO reverses.

HASTAGAZPACHO:

Hello? Did I hit a child of some form?

DAN gets up.

HASTAGAZPACHO:

Ah good, the hit made you brain damaged. See ya, nerd.

HASTAGAZPACHO drives off. DAN watches as he leaves.

DAN:

Fuck.

DANIELS walks up to DAN.

DANIELS:

Scene?

DAN:

And scene.

DANIELS:

That’s a wrap then. That was pretty amazing, even the part with Hastagazpacho works perfectly.

DAN:

Eh, I dunno. I was hoping I’d win and then get to use the new powers and all.

DANIELS:

We can add powers in post.

DAN:

You know, thinking about it. I think the powers were just stories. Yeah, yeah. That guy was no different than you or I, baby. Just a guy I popped in the head like a cherry pie soda.

DANIELS:

Those don’t exist yet.

DAN:

That’s where you’re wrong, baby. Besides, I think it’s fair to say that after all that, it’s not the powers or ruling Halloween that matters, but the adventure. There’s a saying for that.

DANIELS:

It’s about the journey, not the destination?

DAN:

Oh, no, no. That’s good but no, I had a different one.

DANIELS:

Oh.

DAN:

It’s not about Halloween… but it’s about the… the ween.

DANIELS:

Oh, awesome! We’ll dub this later for some effect. Get some nature shots for symbolism, maybe even small flashbacks.

DAN:

Boom! There it is. Nightmare Before Christmas 2: Dan Fucking Kills Knuckles And Wins Halloween.

DANIELS:

Uhhh might have to censor that a bit, but otherwise I say we’re golden.

DAN:

Orange. Golden is overused, but orange? It’s forever overlooked. But not anymore, baby. Daniels? Epilogue.

The camera slowly zooms back from DAN.

DAN:

You know they say life is a table. Eh, sometimes I think they’re right, but then… then you gotta look beyond the table. Look around you. Chairs, baby. Chairs… so many chairs… and yet everyone forgets about them. They support you, care for you, wish you well… yet we always think of the table. Well not no more, baby. Because while there is a table going on, there will always… always… be a chair, to help it along.

Cut to black

DAN:

Fuck yeah. Let’s go talk to Blu-

DAN glitches out at the end.