Loud (Story)

*Short story from the Time Out AU.*

**Point of View: Raelin Reagan**

“Ryveeer, I can’t sleep with the lights on,” Rae complained. Her little brother was still packing his suitcase at a time he should’ve been vast asleep.

“But I can’t pack my suitcase with the lights off.”

“It’s late,” she said, pointing at the window, behind which the sun had already gone down. “Can’t you pack your suitcase tomorrow?”

He didn’t respond, she only heard a sigh.

“I’m tired, ok Ryv?” She let out a yawn. “I just wanna sleep.”

“I wanna sleep too, Lin. I want it to be tomorrow.”

“I don’t!” she exclaimed, “Because it feels like I’m barely gonna see you again!” Her voice nearly cracked, and Rae blinked rapidly. Don’t cry, Rae. You’re six, girls who are six don’t cry anymore.

She could barely hear her brother muttering, but she still clearly heard what he wanted to say: “I’m just glad I never have to see mom again?”

Rae was taken aback. “Why? I don’t understand?” She thought of all the times that when mommy had come to her, apologized for coming home so late, bringing her new clothing, shoes, and cute flowers for in her hair. “Mommy is sweet, Ryv. She loves me, and she loves you too, you know. Don’t worry, she assured me.”

“Mommy never talks to me,” Ryver resisted. “She hits daddy, Lin. Even if mom loves me, I don’t love her.” He paused for a second. “I hate her.”

“Don’t say that, Ryver…” He was wrong. Of course, he was wrong. She heard her mother’s voice talking in her head, and she repeated it out loud. “Mommy is just playing with daddy. She always tells me that. And mom is always right, you know that, don’t you?”

“I need to go to the toilet. Goodnight Rae.” All of a sudden, the room was dark. Ryver had switched off the light.

“But Ryver…” No. He couldn’t go, she needed to explain. Not like this.

“Ryver said goodnight!”

“Ryver was never like this,” Rae whispered to Lola, her dog plushie.

She lied in her bed, curled up, eyes closed, thoughts roaming around in her head, Lola’s ear next to her mouth.

She thought about all the memories she had with her younger brother, last summer’s vacation in Italy, the sleepovers at their Irish and Dutch grandparents’ houses, the snowman they made together last week. Yeah, Rae was definitely way closer with Ryver than she was with Rhory, her four years older brother. Rhory never wanted to join them, felt too big for them.

But now, she would only see Ryver on the weekends. She wouldn’t see him going to school for the first time like she did last year. She couldn’t go to him after school and tell them which letters she had learned today, or how she played house with Laura and Mandy.

The sadness ate her up from the inside, but Rae still wouldn’t cry. She was big now, she said as she squeezed her eyes shut, and held onto Lola.

“Daddy changed Ryver, Lola,” she said. “But don’t worry. I’ll help him get back to normal soon.”

A screaming from outside her room made Rae sit up, and almost bump her head on the lamp that hung above her bed. Normally she would just go to sleep again, but something felt… off.

Rae grabbed Lola by her paw and slid out of bed.

“Ryv?”

No response.

Then it hit her. She didn’t hear the loud snoring she was used to hearing when she would wake up in the middle of the night. How Ryver would always assure her that, though he never woke up, it was just a bad dream, it wasn’t real. But this time, the snoring wasn’t there.

“Ryver?”

She walked over to the bed, which was, as she thought, empty.

Still rubbing her eyelid with one hand, while holding Lola with the other, Rae walked towards the hallway. The door was open.

Rae could hear voices screaming at each from the living room. She recognized the voices, it was dad and Rhory.

*Where was Ryver?*

All of a sudden, the voices stopped. She heard footsteps coming her way, and Rae dived into the bathroom. She heard a door shut. Then, only the sound of sirens in the distance.

Rae peeked around the corner of the door opening, hoping to see something. She could hear the sound of sirens coming closer. She walked the hallway to the living room, but couldn’t bring herself to look around the corner.

Rae could hear a soft sobbing, a breaking voice saying it was going to be alright, it was going to be okay…

The sirens were deafening. Rae wanted to cover her ears, but she was frozen in place. She could see the men and women in jackets which said “ambulance” on the back storming into their house, and by the time she had pushed herself to look around the corner, she could see Ryver getting dragged away by the ambulance people, his lips forming her name.

Her father still stood in the living room, one second, two seconds, until he moved. And Rae understood. She didn’t understand all of it, but what she did finally understand as her father walked up the stairs was that mommy was right.

“Daddy…”

The tears streamed down her cheeks, but the sobbing stopped at the back of her throat. He wasn’t allowed to know she was still here, not after what had happened. Not after what she had seen.

“What have you done to him…”