A Karate Christmas Miracle (GAM332)

### Starring:

Mario Del Vecchio, Julie McCullough, Mila Milosovic, Eric Roberts, Martin Kove, Buddy Fitzpatrick,

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***A Karate Christmas Miracle*** is the story of… I have no idea. It entirely doesn't involve those words: there's an indefinite article that could apply to some of the stuff, there's barely any karate, Christmas is hardly featured, and it's *certainly* not a miracle.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because this is the internet, and that's how it works now. [See *Citation Needed*.]

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you love leaving passive-aggressive Post-it Notes for your wife, but they don't dishonor the victims of a mass shooting enough, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: ...film festival appearance. [See Qhere and here.
* Noah: ...newspaper clippings. [8.5x11 printer paper.]
* Eli: ...prominently displayed legal books. [*Code of Criminal Justice: A Practical Guide to the Penal Statutes*, *New Jersey Code of Criminal Justice: A Practical Guide to the Penal Statutes*, and *New York Code of Criminal Justice: A Practical Guide to the Penal Statutes*.]

### **Notes**

* The film was written by former judge Ken Del Vecchio, of *The Life Zone*, *Cries of the Unborn* and *O.B.A.M. Nude*, and it stars his son Mario Del Vecchio. Amazingly, the film has a sequel, *A Wrestling Christmas Miracle*, which also stars his son and premiered 29 December 2020. Neither *Christmas Miracle* movie is listed on Del Vecchio's website, though the mostly unrelated prequel *Joker's Wild*/*Joker's Poltergeist: The Aurora Massacre* is.
* The top review on IMDb says "I saw this movie at the opening day at the Hoboken International Festival [Of which Del Vecchio is founder and chairman], and it was great. It contained Mystery, Suspense, and so much more."
* Gravy is fine on chicken, just as it is on turkey.

### **Jokes**

* [Heath: Oh god; sorry, just… complete tangent, but it just occurred to me—another nightmare—at Ken Del Vecchio's house, in real reality, there are dinner parties that have Eric Roberts, Robert Loggia, and (we're about to find) Martin Kove, in this movie too. Ken Del Vecchio's *friends* with all of those people. Martin Kove is the *Kobra Kai* guy: he's John Creese from *Kobra Kai* dojo.] [Noah: I don't think it's—cause when these guys appear in his movies they're always sitting behind a desk, with none of the other characters in the movie, using a type of camera that the rest of the movie doesn't use, and shit like that. So I don't think he's ever actually met—like, there's something that's *one* step up from Cameo, and *that's* what he's doing.] [Heath: Do you think Ken Del Vecchio got those three people off of weird charges in New Jersey?] [Eli: Yeeeees!] [Noah: "Alright, you don't have to pay… the parking ticket."] [Heath: I feel like those three people—Eric Roberts, Robert Loggia, and Martin Cove—did some weird evil shit, all three of them, separately in New Jersey.] [Eli: Those three men screamed "DUI?!" on the New Jersey highway, and...] [Heath: Absolutely. And yelled at the cops about who started the wars.] [Eli: There you go. We didn't think this movie made sense, but we're solving mysteries anyway.] (34:36)

### **Interstitials**

* Too Young to be Admitted (9:33)
* Passive-Aggressive Triple-Feature (42:11)
* *The Useless Psychic* (1:11:10)
* *A Wrestling Christmas Miracle* Description (1:36:37) [Post Credits]

### **Tropes**

* Boss in a Bit Part
* Coincidence Treated as a Miracle
* Nothing Happens

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Heath: That same kid, Mario Del Vecchio, starred in *A Wrestling Christmas Miracle* a year later.
* Noah: Ken Del Vecchio went on to get disbarred over something that involved peanut butter and feral goats. [Guessing.]
* Eli: The website for the Hoboken International Film Festival is broken.

### **Links**

* [Episode on Audioboom]
* [Episode on YouTube]
* Episode on Patreon
* Film on YouTube
* IMDb

### **Ad Reads**

* Better Help: Eli Made it Past the Holidays (1:38:11)
* Postmates: [CODE: AWFUL] No Sniper Rifles Required (1:39:45)
* The Prisoner Wines: No Silly, Not Prison Wines (1:41:17)