AMBiTiON/Story/Ch. 14

## Day Out, Dusk

 *The unnamed band goes to the mall for some time outside practice, when Chihiro comes to a realization.*

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By the time Chihiro was back home, sitting at the coffee table in her room at 9PM, she had been staring blankly at the wall with a macaron-shaped pillow fitted snugly into the nook of her lap. She let out a groan, furrowed her brows, and put a hand to her temple, though for once, it wasn't aching because of the homework in front of her, strewn about with nonsense. No, it ached because of what she was trying to distract herself from: The matters regarding her intention and relations with the band.

It just wasn't right for Chihiro to worry about trivial things like this. The answer was obvious: Of course she didn't care about them! They didn't care about her, either. It was only fair. If everyone in Chihiro's life was so indifferent towards her, she was only resetting the 'balance' and enacting her revenge by doing all of this! ... Or something. How silly. It wasn't as if anyone cared for her at all, anyways. Chihiro was supposed to be the protagonist, the good person. So why did she feel so uneasy about her apathy?

She recalled the words of a once cold-shouldered Izumi, back when she'd convinced her to join the band. "Does it matter that I look happy? Does it matter when I look so stupid? When I get berated by people like you?"

'People like Chihiro'... She rested her chin on the surface of her math worksheet. Even now, she was still puzzled by the meaning of that phrase - Chihiro wasn't 'like' anyone. Yet Izumi spat those words with such hurt, it sounded like they were made of grudge and heartache. Like she was talking to someone she knew. But that was ridiculous! And if anything, Chihiro should've been the one with a grudge towards people, as the girl who had been neglected by fate and life. So why... What did it mean?

'I wonder if Izumi wants to be liked as much as I do.' For the first time, the thought crossed Chihiro's mind. Then she tossed it away - That idiot girl wasn't capable of such complex ideas. And not to mention, it wasn't reasonable for Chihiro to think about how other people feel, if no one had ever considered how *she* felt for even a second. 'I can't be so unfair to myself! I need other people to go through what I went through.' Her hand balled into a fist. 'Because... I deserve that. I love myself. I do.' But...

It was too late - A raindrop had disturbed the unbroken surface of Chihiro's heart. She had a foot in each world, stuck on the border, and it seemed some time she would have to pick a side.

... And that time was not now. Chihiro forcefully shoved the reverberating thoughts into the back of her mind and focused on the text Izumi just sent to the group chat.

Izumi: "guyys can we go somewhere do somethingg??"

Mai, who'd been added to the chat recently: "For what reason? We have been going to Live House HorizoN every Friday."

Izumi: "i mean like OTHER STUFF! that REGULAR ppl do !"

Aki: "Depends what day!"

Izumi: "uuuuuhhhhhhhh can we do saturday tmrw at like 2"

Chihiro: "Wait were not doing this afterschool?"

Aki: "Tomorrow's fine with me!"

Mai: "This does not seem to benefit our performance as a band."

Izumi: "r u scared of weeekends hirotan. saturday will be finee"

Izumi: "lmao LOSEN UP mai chan!! have sum fun!!"

Aki: "Consider it something to improve our communication, Mai-san!"

Mai: "Well, I do not mind a change of pace."

Izumi: "RAA KUN I KNOW UR ONLINE say smth"

Sorae: "IDK WHAT TO SAY ó﹏ò; where r we even going"

Chihiro: "can we go to the mall? I wantto go to that ice cream place"

Aki: "Sure! :D"

Izumi: "what, just get snacc nd go?"

Mai: "I have no objections."

Sorae: "idk wat normal ppl do so ok (,,• ω •,,)b"

Chihiro: "R you saying I'm not normal?? ò\_ó"

Placing her phone face down on the table, she let out a sigh. To care or not to care? The answer she'd been so used to giving didn't feel right to her lips anymore. But now that a plan had suddenly been made, the only thing left to do was to wait and see how it all unfolds. Perhaps the answer to her dilemma may be found soon.

On the following day Chihiro found herself under the soft light of an early-summer sun, standing in front of the mall by the side of Izumi and Mai. "Where the hell are they...?"

"Oh, Hiro-tan, be patient~. We only just got here too!" Izumi's words came out like molasses. "So what if they're a little late? Enjoy the pace of life a bit~..."

"I would normally not condone tardiness, but I suppose waiting is all we can accomplish. Now then, what shall we discuss as we wait...?"

"Don't get smart with me, you two." Chihiro muttered. "I'm not making small talk about the weather even if you put a gun to my head."

"Hiro-tan, Izumin, Mai-san! Over here!"

"Lucky for you, Hiro-tan. You're not gonna be a bullet taco today. Aki-yan, Raa-kun~~!" Izumi called out, charging headfirst at the oncoming Aki and Sorae like some kind of rabid animal. Aki, skilled as she was, was perfectly adept in curbing Izumi's 'greeting'. "Izumin~!" She petted her head of curly hair as if Izumi were a dog. Sorae, unkempt as always, jumped in surprise.

"Where were you?" Mai quiered. "You were three minutes and forty-nine seconds late." Chihiro thought for a moment that she was angry, but from the blank tone of her voice, it seemed she was only curious.

"S-Sorry... I'm n-not good with public transport..."

"Well, can we get inside now? It's getting hot out here," Chihiro commented, to no disagreement. And so, the five girls entered the building, greeting the well-received heat repellent that was air-conditioning.

It was a big place, to say the least - If it wasn't, Chihiro didn't think it deserved to be called a mall. The only reason she was even familiar with this place, however, was because she kept getting dragged here in middle school by either her weirdo 'friends' whom she despised being seen with, or Chihiro's barely-motherly mother, who was more like an annoying sister than a parent. Once she went into high school, those weirdos disappeared off to another school, and according to her mother: "It's time for my baby girl to grow up!"

Of course, Chihiro didn't like admitting that she never came to such places on her own accord. After all, a self-proclaimed 'average high school girl' like her should practically inhabit these quintessential teenager hangout spaces. It was just that...

"Geez, it's been a while since I came here."

"Eh~? I would've thought you'd come here all the time, Hiro-tan." Izumi tilted her head. "I thought you're the type to go to the mall with your 'high school besties' every Sunday!"

"W-Well, I wish I could say that! But... Ugh. I just don't go to these places by myself."

"Oh, I get it~. You have no friends, is that right?"

Chihiro begrudgingly looked away without a retort. 'That's only because no one's good enough for that,' She wanted to reply, but kept it to herself. Well, now she was here with the band, though she wished she was here with someone she actually cared about instead.

The five wandered into the middle of the mall atrium, where Chihiro looked up at a lone cloud through the skylights, three floors above their heads. She wondered what it was like to be above everybody.

"H-Hey, um, actually... " Sorae began. "Can we go to the stationery place first? I lost my eraser the other day a-and I need a new one..."

Izumi gasped, overjoyed. "Yess! I'm gonna write on the sample paper~!"

... Right, Chihiro expected as much.

Inside, Sorae disappeared into some corner of the store, and everyone else scattered similarly, including Chihiro. Not that she planned on making any purchases, but she certainly enjoyed seeing the cute gel pens and the like - How could she not, when her favorite part of school was making aesthetically-pleasing notes?

Meanwhile Izumi, like a single-minded robot, had marched over to a display of pens and started writing on one of those sample papers with a bright pink highlighter. Chihiro peered over her shoulder with little effort, only to be met with the words 'Chickin Nuggy'... Cue flashback. Only then was Chihiro reminded of the matter from yesterday.

"Any ideas for the band name?"

"How did you--?!"

Izumi spun to face Chihiro, a proud, sly grin spreading on her face. "Heheh, don't you know~? The legendary Izumin's got a sixth sense." Then her gaze hardened. "But like, seriously. What'cha got?"

"Well, I can't say I thought about it, so nothing here. I don't even know where to start..." Chihiro shrugged. It wasn't hard for her to think about what sort of image she wanted to have - The real challenge was to turn that image into a band name. Something sweet, something youthful... 'Candy Sweet Miracle'? No... 'Parfait\*Wonderland'...? Or maybe--

"Right~?" Izumi's voice interrupted her train of thought. "How do you come up with a name to represent five whole people...?"

Huh?

"Y-Yeah, right. Five people..." Chihiro tried her best to pretend like she hadn't forgotten about the rest of them. As if it wasn't difficult enough already! Now the name had to represent the rest of those buffoons as well? What a pain...

"Hey, you're talking about our band name, right?" Aki came by - She must have overheard. "I'm not sure yet either, but I think if we've managed to stick together so far, we must have something in common..."

Then Sorae and Mai showed up as well, the former clutching two erasers in her right hand, held close to her chest. "Um, what's going on?"

At this point in time, the five girls found themselves standing in a ragged circle next to a piece of paper reading 'Chickin Nuggy', befittingly looking like chicken scratch. "Uh... Let's get outta here first." Chihiro exasperatedly suggested. "Anyone want ice cream?"

"One chocolate and one caramel, please! You guys want 'em medium? ... Mhm. Thanks!"

For some reason, Aki was the one ordering, even though she didn't want any. Well, Chihiro supposed there was a reason - The five were on their way here when Aki randomly became a bit tense and said, "T-There's the place! I can get your ice creams if you want," before speeding up her stride. Chihiro assumed she had a phobia of the clothing store they passed by and left her to her whims. But just so Aki didn't have to babysit them anymore, Izumi and Chihiro went up for their desserts.

"So, continue what you were saying." Direct as usual, Mai commanded as they returned.

Izumi leaned against the railing overlooking the mall and talked as she ate her caramel ice cream. "Nom nom~... So we were trying to come up with a band name, but we got nothing. Aki-yan said we must have something in common, but..." She trailed off. "Oh, this is yummy..."

One arm over the glass railing, Sorae played with an eraser and nearly dropped it as her contemplative face morphed into confusion. "I-I dunno either. Sorry..."

"I see. In any case, I believe I have an idea." A finger playing with a lock of green hair, Mai spoke. Everyone's attention was instantly captured.

"Of course, one would naturally think about what we, as a collective, share, whether it be personality or ideology. However, I thought it could be worth considering what we collectively lack." She crossed her arms and gazed over the view of the atrium. "That was when I recalled the conversation you four had at Live House HorizoN about your goals for the future. That was, before I... interrupted Sorae-senpai." Mai's glance at her was soft. "I wondered if there was a common point there."

"Consider it. Sorae-senpai mentioned that her goals were to live a life without responsibility, while Izumi-senpai and Chihiro-san both agreed to something alike. Unfortunately, my memory fails me on the contents of Aki-san's input, but," Mai's gaze fell on the keyboardist. "would you say you agree with such an idea?"

Aki's blue gaze had an oddly melancholic glaze. "Hm... In a way."

"As I inferred. And finally, I certainly would like to believe that I have goals for my future, but upon further contemplation, I was unable to pinpoint a clear answer..." Her eyes narrowed. "My failure aside, I would thus like to present this as our common point."

A silence padded the end of Mai's sentence, followed by the next words, this time from Izumi. "Uh, don't get it."

"I would be glad to elaborate." Mai patiently sighed...

"... Ambition. Or rather, the lack of it."

'Lack of ambition? Me...?' was Chihiro's first thought. It was hardly fathomable. The band was built on her ambition, after all! The stagnant moment was surely meant to be suspenseful, but Chihiro's monologue was cut short by a certain, laid-back someone. "Oh, deep~. I was hoping for something less cliché-sounding, but that's pretty cool too."

"I-Izumin! Take this seriously!" She tried to scold her tactless upperclassman, but Mai was amazingly fine with the nonchalant reply. "Well, what do you propose to make it more... 'cool'?"

"We capitalize all the letters!!"

"The hell? That's so aggressive! Can't you make it, I dunno, more stylish or something? Like, you know those idol groups, or..." Chihiro sought for an example. "Actually, doesn't ECL:PSE write their name kinda funny?"

Aki nodded. "Yup. It's all capitalized, and the 'I' is a colon. Cool, right?!" Her eyes sparkled. "Ain't this excitin'~? What'd they call that - 'Poyo-yan'?"

"Poyo-what?"

"Wait--!" Sorae spoke out of the blue. "W-When we decide how to write our name, do we need a logo too?!"

"I suppose that is the case. What is your intention? Will you make--"

"I-I'll make it! I'll make the best logo ever! Um, well, maybe not, but--!" Sorae was now unusually fired up, her hands still playing tennis with one of her erasers. Everyone chuckled - even Mai, albeit quietly - all the while accompanied with gratitude to the fidgety but enthusiastic Sorae.

Suddenly, the poor eraser tumbled out of her clumsy hands and over the glass railing, where it plummeted towards the ground floor. "W-Weh?!" Alarmed, Sorae desperately flailed and scratched at the air, to no avail. That day, an innocent life was lost to the great, gaping maw of the fabled fourth dimension.

"Be careful, Sorae-senpai..." Mai murmured, a faint smile lingering.

"This isn't poyo-yan..."

"Poyo-stop, Aki-yan."

Chihiro's comment went completely ignored. "But don't worry, Sora-chin!" Aki said. "We'll find it once we go back downstairs!"

"Unless it gets stolen."

"You're. Not. Helping. *Izumin--!!*" Accusingly, Chihiro raised her voice, backed by humor. Maybe Mai was right - Maybe Chihiro lacked ambition after all. If she didn't, why would her trembling scissors be shying from the twine? As she laughed exasperatedly, the cup of chocolate ice cream began to melt. How could she have ever thought of hurting them?

*How could she have ever thought of hurting them?*

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