Ralph Yollam

**Ralph Yollam** is a character role-played by BryceWithAWhy.

## General Information & History

Ralph flew into into Los Santos in April 2023, looking for a fresh start after burning bridges with his twin sister, Angela, following an incident with her fiance.

> *"So, um, before I came to the city, y'know, I flirted with anything that had a pulse, right? And so my twin sister, she's engaged to this guy named Marcus, and uh, y'know [...] we were at a barbecue, right? And he was like, 'Hey, where's my hot dog?' And I said, 'I got your Hot Pocket right here!' [...] He read a LOT into it, and, uh, turned out, y'know, he didn't really have the hots for my twin sister, he had the hots for me. So, y'know, there was all this drama, so I used the last of my savings, bought a plane ticket, thought I was flying to Los Angeles, found out about halfway here I was coming here, and just rolled with it."* -Ralph telling his story to King Halls, Wade Williams, and Ricky West
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Very quickly, he established himself as a purveyor of useless 1980s movie trivia and prank calls, fooling Roger Stone into believing that, among other things, there was a massive conspiracy involving the Uwu Cafe and rogue CIA agents, as well as a concerted effort by the owners of the Rockford Hills golf course to swindle its clientele.

After meeting Bobby Axelrod, Ralph was offered a job at PDM, where he worked until he left the city.

## Important Events

Almost immediately, Ralph ran into trouble. Shortly after arriving into town, he was ushered into a used car lot; he was interested in a van, but had trouble accessing his bank account, leading to Ballaingle Dan threatening to smash his kneecaps with a crowbar.

A few days later, Ralph browsed the city yellow pages and saw an ad from someone looking for a "goth gf". Sensing a potential prank, Ralph found a pay phone, called the number, put on a falsetto voice, pretended to be a flirty goth girl, and discovered that the person was an elderly man working at the Uwu Cafe.

Sensing an even bigger prank, Ralph then pitched his voice low and called a journalist in the yellow pages, claiming to have information about how the Uwu Cafe was compromised by malicious assets working in the intelligence community. He donned a fedora, sunglasses, and trenchcoat, pretended his name was "Mr. X," and met up with the journalist -- whose name was Roger Stone -- in a parking garage. After their meeting, Ralph went to the Uwu Cafe and warned them to be wary of a man matching Stone's description, then later paid someone to call the elderly man and tell him that he was being watched by a man matching Stone's description.

Not long after, Bobby Axelrod called Ralph for '80s movie facts, and arranged for Ralph to be interviewed by Weazel News. The same evening, Ralph ran into Stone again -- who apparently didn't recognize him as the "mysterious informant" -- who wanted to know about Ralph's hobby of stunt driving golf carts. However, after Ralph failed to hotwire the carts at the golf course, Ralph pivoted this into a phony story about how the golf course was knowingly buying lemons, which Stone believed. Ralph continued to hang out with Stone and his cameraman for the rest of the evening, standing around while they filmed house robberies in Mirror Park, and consoling the cameraman who was berated by Stone.

### Selling cars

> *"There are no buybacks, liability is ALLLLLL on the owner, insurance is NOT needed, sales tax is zero goose egg percent, which is nice, and the warranty is for lemons only, which you will not be getting one. Do you have any questions?"* -Ralph reading the PDM sales agreement
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Ralph's money started drying up quickly, so he put an ad out offering food deliveries (for a fee) along with his movie trivia. Bobby responded to the ad again, giving Ralph $1000 for some meals from Uwu Cafe. Ralph purchased a racing bike, sped down to Uwu, and brought back the meals.

Impressed, Bobby pulled Ralph into an office, mentioned that he'd seen Ralph's ad in the yellow pages with significant frequency, and offered him a job with PDM. Within a couple of weeks, Ralph rose through the ranks and became a full salesman.

### Fish Man

While hiding from King Halls, Ralph adopted the persona of "Fish Man," a superhero based around a grotesque yellow fish mask, trench coat, and flippers. Fish Man purported to be "half fish, half man." He didn't fight crime; rather, he preferred to party and dance. Fish Man's partying lifestyle was later called into question by Tilly's "Regina Stone" persona, causing Fish Man to have an existential crisis.

Ralph's usage of the Fish Man persona would later cause Tilly's voice to be stolen by the Sea Witch and the "real" Fish Man, who were angered by Ralph's unflattering portrayal. However, thanks to guidance from Mark Days, Ralph and Tilly were able to concoct a solution to restore Tilly's voice.

### "The Ralph Rap"

During his last couple of months in the city, Ralph put together a rap demo called "The Ralph Rap", where he talks about his time in the city, disses King Halls, and shouts out most of his friends.

## Important Arcs

### Demon hijinks

Ralph very quickly developed a rapport with the half-demon Mark Days, who he genuinely believed was a good guy. Because Ralph's sense of weirdness is skewed, he thought nothing of Mark eating bugs or talking about the horrors of hell.

Ralph did briefly meet Mark's father, the Devil, who attempted to withdraw and eat Ralph's soul. Ralph thought this tickled.

Some time later, Ralph first met Tilly Galvesten while she was possessed by the demon Aster. The two spent the evening making fun of Roger Stone, who later absorbed Aster and freed Tilly for a time. Tilly would later visit Ralph and properly introduce herself.

Later on, Ralph would be possessed twice by the demon Pride, one of Mark's brothers, who was quite stupid and prideful and could be easily defeated. Both times Pride was driven out of Ralph, Ralph passed out with a sunburn and was treated by Luna Purpose.

### Run-in with Laca Bee

One evening, shortly after chatting with JoAnna Ganso in front of the Lucky Plucker, a man approached Ralph and said that he had a gift for Ralph in his glovebox. Ignoring all pretenses of common sense, Ralph got into the car with the stranger. The stranger -- actually a criminal named Laca Bee -- pulled a gun on Ralph, drove him to the cemetery, and ordered him to call Tilly for a taxi ride. Ralph would later come to learn that Laca had sworn revenge on Tilly for "snitching" to the police.

Ralph made a phone call to Tilly, who showed up to the cemetery and was also taken hostage by Laca, who forced the two to climb the stairs to the scenic overlook. There, they ran into Tilly's friend Loki, who had sworn to protect Tilly. Without another word, Loki swooped in and grabbed Laca, and the ensuing scuffle gave Ralph and Tilly enough time to get back to Tilly's taxicab and flee to Harmony.

Laca tried calling Ralph to ask for his location, but Ralph refused. As Ralph and Tilly made arrangements to meet back up with Loki, they noticed that people kept spamming their names on Twatter. Ralph, remembering his earlier conversation with JoJo, called her to warn her to be safe; however, JoJo later called him in distress, followed by Laca calling Ralph to demand an exchange: Tilly for JoJo.

Ralph tried desperately to get ahold of JoJo's boyfriend Roger Stone, but had no luck at first. Watching Tilly try to drown herself in the Alamo Sea, Ralph -- thinking of *The A-Team* -- resolved to spring a trap on Laca. Instead of allowing any of his friends to die, they would dress Loki up in drag as Tilly, and attempt to do an exchange leading to a trap.

While at a clothing store, Ralph finally got hold of Roger on the phone. Irritated with Roger's workaholism, Ralph read him the riot act, told him to stop chasing leprechauns, and screamed about how JoJo was in trouble. Shortly after, Ralph, Tilly, and Loki met up with Roger, who was with Bobby Axelrod and Klaus Schattenjaegar, and while attempting to meet up with Laca at Laca's different pre-arranged locations, they came up with a plan to attack Laca.

However, this never came to pass; Laca found JoJo "too nice" and abandoned her on the beach in Paleto Bay, where the group found her unharmed. Though JoJo told Ralph that she forgave him, Ralph would carry immense guilt for her involvement for the rest of his time in Los Santos, eventually telling her in his goodbye letter that he still hadn't forgiven himself for it.

Ralph stayed undercover for the next day, until the moment he heard that Laca Bee had been killed.

The incident did bring Ralph and Tilly together as friends, and they would conspire to come up with a secret phrase ("chocolate cake") that they could safely use on the phone should one of them ever be in similar distress again.

### Birthday celebration & seeing into other universes

Ralph celebrated his 27th birthday on May 23, 2023 at Bahama Mama's, at a party organized by Tilly Galvesten. The party consisted of pole dancing, alcohol consumption, and a drive-by shooting -- the typical Los Santos birthday party.

Later, King Halls contacted Ralph and said that he wanted to do something for Ralph's birthday that potentially involved a knife. Ralph spent two weeks undercover avoiding King, since he was convinced that King was going to have him stab Bobby and take over PDM.

Instead, King had Ralph and Tilly kidnapped (JoJo used her Taser and escaped), flown out to Fort Zancudo, and then gave them a day of "fun." However, this was short-lived; Ralph jumped into a pond and was knocked unconscious. King and company drove Ralph to Grandma's House, where they revived Ralph.

However, this filled Ralph's mind with memories from his alternate selves in other universes. In short order, Ralph experienced the following:

* A universe where he was an anthropomorphic spider in a baseball cap.
* A universe where it was 1999, he had a cousin named Angela instead of a twin sister, his last name was something other than "Yollam," and he'd been in attendance at Woodstock '99.
* A universe where he was a teenager whose car was crushed by a giant hailstone, and who was friends with a talking bobcat.
* A universe where he was a college student who was friends with individuals named "Audrey" and "Torvald," and had used a time machine that was built from a stapler.
* A universe where he was the assistant to a mysterious blonde woman named "Sage."
* A "green" universe where he'd arrived in Los Santos a year earlier and held a job as a garbage man.

After a distressed Ralph parsed these memories, King took Ralph and Tilly to the Vinewood Bowl, where Ralph was forced to sing the song "Transmission" by Joy Division.

### Leaving Los Santos

During his last month in the city, Ralph became increasingly paranoid at his friends disappearing without telling him, and briefly thought that the world had ended, adopting a "Mad Max" persona and a hippie persona.

However, he was snapped out of it when he received a letter from his sister.

> *"Basically it turned out that Marcus, her ex, had been arrested for securities fraud or something. Sis really dodged a bullet with that guy thanks to me. I’m awesome, I KNOW IT. But then she told me she randomly found Roger’s podcast, and there I was. And then she’d found all these reports that Roger had written about the stuff I’d done in Los Santos. And I guess Roger wrote something about the Laca Bee thing, like how I had worked with him, Bobby, and Klaus to rescue JoJo, and how Loki rescued you and me, and how we put Loki in drag to keep you safe. (You know all this, you were there.) Angie thought that was cool, and she said she did some soul-searching. She ate some major crow and wrote about how she’d been awful to me throughout our lives. About her grouchiness in high school. About the snobbiness since her masters degree. And she told me that she wanted to make amends and do right."* -Ralph in his goodbye letter to Tilly
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On August 3, 2023, Ralph made arrangements to fly home, wrote goodbye letters to many of his friends, shaved his hippie beard, donned his PDM suit, and worked one more shift. He ended up spending most of the day with King Halls, Wade Williams, and Ricky West, who revived Ralph again at Grandma's following a bad fall from a stolen jet. This further opened Ralph's mind up to additional memories from a "sandbox" universe where his parallel universe counterpart had met an parallel King Halls and people named "Erin" and "Riley."

King later attempted to fly Ralph home in another stolen airplane, but Ralph bailed from the stalled plane over the ocean and was forced to swim home.

### Reunion

On September 8, 2023, while back at home in Texas, Ralph heard through the grapevine about a get-together in Los Santos. He switched on his Los Santos phone; and though he was barely able to get a signal, he got through to Chloe Williams, who confirmed it before the signal died.

Ralph flew in the very next day, September 9. After landing, multiple people offered to pick him up at the terminal, with Louis Batton winning out.

He spent the evening with his friends again, hanging out at Pillbox Hospital, going to Bahama Mama's to perform the Ralph Rap, and taking part in a group picture at the Observatory. However, he had to leave town again on an early flight to beat a thunderstorm that was headed for his hometown, and was driven to the airport by his friend Sally.

During his flight from Los Santos International to DFW International Airport, he briefly called King Halls. During his connecting flight from DFW to his hometown of Picante, Ralph made small talk with the woman in the seat next to him, and discovered to his shock that he was talking to this universe's version of L.J. Sage.

### One last party

Ralph returned to Los Santos for the final time on September 22, 2023, and participated in Gala's citywide "end of the world" party. He was also twice injured by a helicopter flown by William Costigan.

Ralph gave teary goodbyes to several of his friends, including Gala, Luna, JoJo, Smitty, Wade, Duke, and Dolores.

After saying a goodbye to the recently deceased Mia "Wednesday" Deville in the morgue, Ralph tried gazing into the multiverse for the last time to see if Wednesday was out there in another universe. He instead saw a multiversal traveler named Jenny Everywhere headed towards his universe, and recommended that Dolores meet her at the airport.

## Friendships

### Roger Stone

Roger Stone was one of the first people Ralph met, and Ralph found Roger absolutely fascinating. To that end, Ralph enjoyed messing with Roger's mind through pranks and non-sequiturs.

Roger seemed to have some kind of latent attraction to Ralph, first propositioning Ralph to be in a "throuple" with him and JoJo -- to which Ralph thought "throuple" was a flavor of ice cream -- then later attempting to play "footsie" with Ralph in a hot tub.

Ralph enjoyed making fun of Roger, but always with affection. When Ralph heard a rumor that Roger was a cult leader, Ralph put Roger's number into his phone as "CultLeader" (which it still was when Ralph left Los Santos). Ralph would frequently photobomb Roger's news stories (usually standing in the background flashing peace signs); he also took to dressing in a Roger Stone disguise, and would go around speaking to people in Roger's voice, although this completely confused JoJo.

After speaking with JoJo about Roger's work putting a strain on their relationship, Ralph decided that it was his own holy mission to make sure that Roger had a day of fun, without any of the investigative journalism nonsense. Ralph was prepared to kidnap Roger to force him to have fun, but this never happened -- in June 2023, just before Roger disappeared, Ralph got Roger to cut loose and have fun at a pool party behind the Elgin House, thus fulfilling Ralph's goal.

During moments of stress, Ralph could also be disdainful of Roger's pursuit of fanciful stories; during the Laca Bee incident, when a stressed Ralph got Roger on the phone, Ralph yelled at Roger to "stop chasing leprechauns" and help rescue JoJo. Ralph would later nervously apologize to Roger for this, adding that he considered Roger one of his best friends.

Besides that, Ralph was tapped to be Roger's sidekick on the short-lived podcast "Sidebar with Roger Stone."

### JoJo Ganso

Ralph first met JoJo when he complimented her on her blue hair and "Avril Lavigne look" at Bahama Mama's. The two became good friends, having talks about hockey and wanting to show Roger a good time.

During one incident, Laca Bee kidnapped JoJo (who he had seen talking to Ralph earlier in the day) in order to force a prisoner swap for Tilly Galvesten. Ralph would carry immense guilt over this for the rest of his time in Los Santos, although JoJo told him that it wasn't his fault. JoJo also helped Ralph apologize to Roger for yelling at him during the Laca Bee incident, and Ralph mentioned that JoJo was one of his best friends.

JoJo had the idea to free Ralph from his demonic possession (by Mark's brother Pride) by serving him a soda and getting him to burp through his nose.

Later on, Ralph was the salesman who sold JoJo her Wolfsbane motorcycle, and celebrated with her for about a minute before they (and Tilly) were taken hostage on the orders of King Halls.

On his last day in the city, Ralph sent JoJo a goodbye letter.

### Tilly Galvesten

Ralph first met Tilly Galvesten during her possession by the demon Aster, who he sold a bike to. After Aster was exorcised, Tilly visited Ralph to formally introduce herself.

The two became best friends after the Laca Bee situation, and Tilly later threw Ralph a 27th birthday party at Bahama Mama's. There, she gave him a bracelet that had "B.F.F.R." engraved on it, to match her own "B.F.F.T." bracelet, and Ralph wore this bracelet for the rest of his time in the city.

They further bonded during Ralph's time as "Fish Man," and later when Ralph helped Tilly recover her voice from the Sea Witch. They both opened up about their respective pasts, with Ralph telling Tilly some legends from his family history. They also climbed Mount Chilead together, although two of those incidents ended with them falling off of the mountain and losing their memories of the climb.

At one point, Tilly -- driven by the "call of the void" -- jumped off of a crane and lost her memory. Ralph had to work with the amnesiac Tilly to restore her memory, which occurred when Tilly fell off of the crane a second time. Ralph would later request that Tilly stop jumping from cranes, lest they raise Luna Purpose's ire.

Ralph assisted Tilly with locating bridges for base jumping, and later played wingman for Tilly during her flirtation with an LSPD officer. Tilly was also present when Ralph was abducted by King Halls as a "birthday gift" and started seeing into other universes after a near-death experience. One universe had a vision of an alternate L.J. Sage; Tilly would later pick up this universe's Sage from the airport.

On his last day in the city before going home, Ralph sent Tilly a goodbye letter.

### King Halls

Ralph and King's friendship -- if it could even be called that -- was often described by Ralph as "straight outta Looney Tunes" and "Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner." Ralph also frequently called King a "rascal."

At one point, Ralph attempted to teach King how to make prank calls, although this ended up with King making terroristic threats over the phone and burning Jason Miller alive.

During one incident, King took Ralph hostage and ordered him to drive a box truck (with King in the back end) to the Lucky Plucker, where King would pop out and shoot people. However, on the way to the Plucker, King fell out of the back end, which Ralph didn't notice.

During another incident, Ralph held a pool party at Elgin House; King attempted to literally crash the party by flying a plane into the pool, but ended up crashing two blocks away. As Dolores Severo loaded King into a stretcher, Ralph said that his party had actually been two blocks away, then added, "Meep meep."

King received a diss verse in "The Ralph Rap." He was also present for Ralph's last day in Los Santos, and Ralph sent him a letter telling him goodbye.

### Others

Ralph often got into good-natured verbal battles with his boss Bobby Axelrod over who was the most "awesome." Bobby would later assist in rescuing JoJo from Laca Bee.

Ralph had a friendly rapport with his PDM co-worker Mia Rosa. After initially calling her by the wrong name and almost immediately realizing his mistake, Ralph doubled down and intentionally called her by the incorrect name every time they met, which Mia reciprocated in kind. They dropped this running joke after Luna and Stonewall's wedding, and Ralph later apologized about it in his final letter to Mia.

Ralph quietly hero-worshipped Gen DurLess, finding them to have a "devil may care" attitude that he yearned to emulate, and gave them dating advice.

Ralph also got on well with Galadriel "Gala" Demonio, helping her with her Pride event, and later getting a side job at Tequi-La-La selling brews from Gala's microbrewery.

Ralph often enjoyed talking to Luna Purpose, who he wanted to be friends with, and often told Tilly that he didn't like making Luna angry. Ralph was later in attendance at Luna's wedding to Boe Stonewall, and sent her and Stonewall a letter and a wedding gift (a bottle of XO cognac) before leaving the city. During one of their last face-to-face conversations, Luna told Ralph that she enjoyed his sense of humor and to never stop being himself.

Ralph was friendly with Smitty Smith, frequently ordering food from Smitty at the Plucker. Smitty often called Ralph to ask if he was holding any more pool parties, and later called Ralph out for cultivating weed with Sally, Diego, and Mari.

Ralph often hung out with Jason Miller, affectionately calling him "J-Mill," and often hung out with him while they were both drunk. Ralph also enjoyed speaking with Jason's girlfriend Dolores Severo about helicopters and her EMS work; they also chatted about hockey, although Dolores' dislike for the Dallas Stars (Ralph's favorite hockey team) caused a moment of tension.

Ralph got on well with Louis Batton, and often ordered from him at the Lucky Plucker. Louis directly helped Ralph during the demon crises, talking down to Pride while he possessed Ralph, and assisting tricking Wrath back to the underworld.

Ralph developed a friendly rapport with Duke Ramsey, and frequently hung out with him during "hood court." However, Ralph would later leave Duke's name out of the shout-outs at the end of "The Ralph Rap" because he didn't want to make Derek Barnes (who was investigating Duke) angry.

Ralph developed a friendly relationship with Officer John Kimble during Kimble's time working as security at PDM, although he did punch Kimble in the face after Kimble implied that he'd slept with Ralph's grandmother. Ralph also thought that Kimble's Austrian accent was a Minnesotan accent, and kept Kimble's number in his phone as "Minnesotan." Kimble also rescued Ralph from a hypnotized Anastasia Lloyd at one point. However, Ralph's friendship with Kimble abruptly ended when a brainwashed and crazy Kimble was locked up after shooting up Luna and Stonewall's wedding, an event that left Ralph with PTSD.

## Catchphrases

* "You rascal(s)," or "Look at this/these rascal(s)."
* "Yupyupyupyup."
* "I don't judge."
* "How're *things*?"
* "You never talk about yourself!"
* "Yes, yes, as one does."
* "I dunno, I only watch PBS."
* "Just me and my memories."
	+ After absorbing memories from the multiverse: "Just me, my memories, and my extra memories."

## Behind the Scenes

Before becoming a roleplay character on NoPixel Classic, Ralph Yollam was originally created by BryceWithAWhy as a comic strip character, was used in various comics and short stories over the years, and was briefly used as an RP character on NoPixel Green in 2022. Each of the different "universes" that the NoPixel Classic version of Ralph saw contain these different versions of Ralph.

## Gallery

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