Fastpass/Quotes

File:Fastpass quo.jpg
This page lists all notable quotes voiced out by Fastpass (Jimmy Valmer) in *South Park: The Fractured But Whole*.

## Overview

Fastpass' quotes are mainly themed around his super-speed persona, often he talks about doing things fast. He is also very friendly, rarely swearing even when up against Mitch Conner possessing The Coon's (Cartman) hand.

He seems slightly creeped out by Mysterion's (Kenny) quotes, usually quipping about how dark they are.

## Field/Story

* **During Bring the Crunch**
	+ "Red alert! All available superheroes report to Lake Tardicaca. Seriously, get out here. Shit is going down."
	+ "Everybody take ccc..."
	+ "Get the fuck out the way!"
	+ "Good question. Maybe we should ask those monsters over there! Monsters?!"
* **Fast Travel**
	+ **Fast Travel activated**
		- "I'm the f-fff-fff-f-f-f-fff-ff-ff-ff-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-fastest kid in town!"
		- "Need to get somewhere fa-fas, fas-quickly?"
		- "Did somebody call for a Fastpass?"
	+ **Fast Travel spot selected**
		- "Awe-awesome!"
		- "Goo-good going, New Kid!"
		- "Righteous!"
	+ **After Fast Travel**
		- "Catch you later!"
		- "See you, New Kid!"
* **Female New Kid Idle**
	+ "I thought feminine-looking guys went out of style in the 80s, but the New Kid's pulling it off."
* **After taking a selfie**
	+ "That's going to kill on social media."
* **Farted on**
	+ "Perhaps if I can slow down time, the stench won't affect me. Nope, it still does."
* **After earning a Merit Badge**
	+ "I'm proud of you, Butthole."
	+ "Keep it up!"
	+ "Nice work. Isn't camp great?"
	+ "Savor this moment, Butthole. You got another badge."

## Battle

* **Selected**
	+ "Ready to go fast?"
	+ "Won- great."
	+ "Fastpass!"
* **Battle start**
	+ "You're making a big mistake, messing with Coon and Friends."
* **Battle start, after joining Freedom Pals**
	+ "You're making a big mistake, messing with us!"
* **Battle start, The Invitation**
	+ "Don't worry New Kid, we'll leave these ninjas in the dust."
* **Battle start, versus Shub-Niggurath**
	+ "We've got to put a stop to this!"
* **Battle start, second battle against Spontaneous Bootay**
	+ "Get to the cabin!"
* **Turn start**
	+ "Let's take things fast."
	+ "Everyone try to keep up."
	+ "I'm gonna kill out here."
	+ "Time to break a leg, yours."
	+ "Let's make this quick."
	+ "Fastpass springs into action!"
	+ "I'll have you in stitches."
	+ "Let's mess with some physics."
	+ "Time to move."
	+ "Ready to pummel enemies at Mach speed!"
* **Ally turn start versus Monsters**
	+ "Look, I'm sorry, but there are no monsters allowed in this camp."
* **Ally turn start versus Spontaneous Bootay**
	+ "We gotta get out the way!"
* **Turn start versus the Zarganor, second phase**
	+ "If the fire department gets here in the next five minutes, I think this is all pretty salvageable!"
* **New Kid turn start, first battle against Monsters**
	+ "Get those monsters, Butthole!"
* **New Kid turn start, round 2, Final Girl tutorial battle**
	+ "All right, Butthole. Let's see what you got."
* **Idle**
	+ "You know, with my super speed I could end this fight in the blink of an eye."
* **Using Blind Side**
	+ "Now you see me..."
* **After using Blind Side and Hit and Run**
	+ "Bet you didn't see that coming."
* **After using Blind Side on the Zarganor**
	+ "This is how we do it on planet Earth! Jerk!"
* **Using Transporter**
	+ "Healing in .3 seconds or your money back!"
	+ "You want a heal, I got a heal."
* **Ultimate ready**
	+ "Fastpass is on the starting blocks!"
	+ "I'm all revved up and ready!"
* **After ally attacking**
	+ "I put down three of the nine comics I was reading just to watch that!"
	+ "Nice move! I watched the whole thing unfold like a multi-night TV mini-series event! Because that's how fast I am."
	+ "Not sure they'll be able to walk that one off..."
	+ "Wow! I might try bending space and time just to watch that again!"
	+ "Pretty sure no one saw that coming..."
* **After ally attacking, versus Spontaneous Bootay**
	+ "We need to get the heck out of here!"
* **After New Kid attacking Kryptonite Milk Spawn**
	+ "It takes guts to face down your Kryptonite, Butthole. You're a good friend."
* **After New Kid using Hammer Bomb**
	+ "That hammer's always the right tool for the job."
* **After New Kid selecting target for Hammer Bomb, Final Girl tutorial battle**
	+ "Oh, wow, the Final Girl can move again after selecting a target!"
* **New Kid ultimate ready, Final Girl tutorial battle**
	+ "Time for the grand finale!"
* **Targeted by Kite Shield or Hot Swap**
	+ "That's exactly what I needed, cheers!"
* **After Mintberry Crunch attacking**
	+ "They fought breakfast and breakfast won."
* **After Mintberry Crunch using Berry Blast**
	+ "That's a berrying you'll never forget."
* **After Mintberry Crunch using Bringing the Crunch**
	+ "Maybe after this you can sign my Mintberry Crunch #1."
* **After Mosquito using Zika Rush**
	+ "I guess a guy's gotta eat."
* **After Mysterion attacking**
	+ "That was some dark shit, man."
* **After Mysterion using Dark Whisper**
	+ "You've got a captive audience, Mysterion."
* **After Professor Chaos using Chaos Minion**
	+ "Sorry, New Kid."
* **After Super Craig using Mega Fist Punch**
	+ "Impressive for someone who can't break the laws of physics!"
	+ "Slow and steady breaks the face!"
* **After Toolshed using Drillslinger**
	+ "Kids definitely should not try that at home."
* **After a Timefart Glitch**
	+ "We'll take your turn, thanks!"
* **After a Timefart Pause**
	+ "That happened so fast, even I didn't catch it!"
* **After a Timefart Summon**
	+ "Welcome to the future, old New Kid!"
* **Enemy defeated**
	+ "Eat shit!"
	+ "Congrats, superfriends!"
	+ "Coon and Friends Forever!"
	+ "Righteous!"
	+ "The odds are increasingly in our favor."
	+ "That was epic!"
	+ "A foe has fallen!"
	+ "Enemy down."
	+ "Awesome!"
* **Enemy defeated and victory**
	+ "Victorious!"
* **Healing**
	+ "You want a heal, I got a heal."
* **After healing**
	+ "This ought to do the trick."
* **Healed**
	+ "Wow, what a great medic!"
	+ "Thanks!"
	+ "You're so thoughtful!"
* **Reviving**
	+ "Go-go-go! Pit stop's over!"
	+ "This should help realign your atoms!"
	+ "Come back to us!"
* **Revived**
	+ "Fastpass is back!"
	+ "Fastpass is back at full speed!"
	+ "Fastpass is back and ready to burn up the tarmac!"
* **Enemy revived by haunted dirt, Bring the Crunch**
	+ "Kill 'em on regular dirt, not haunted dirt!"
	+ "They just keep coming back!"
* **Attacked**
	+ "Nuh-uh!"
	+ "I'm gonna roast you for that!"
	+ "Rough crowd."
	+ "Ouch! Tough crowd."
	+ "How dare you hit a kid with braces!"
	+ "This is no laughing matter."
	+ "Whoa! Quick bastard, aren't you?"
* **Self or ally attacked**
	+ "Shit's getting serious."
* **Targeted by Ground, The Chaos Gambit**
	+ "Really?"
	+ "Aww, man, this sucks!"
	+ "Aww, come on!"
* **Attacked by Milk Monster**
	+ "Keep your moist hands to yourself!"
* **Nightmare Timothy using Reality Warp for the first time**
	+ "OK, that's not even fair! You're breaking the rules!"
* **Ally attacked**
	+ "What doesn't kill you makes you faster."
	+ "Well, that's no fun."
	+ "Don't get mad. Get fast!"
* **Minted ally attacked by Berried enemy**
	+ "You're covered in berry, You can't hurt my minty friends."
	+ "Everybody knows mint is immune to berry!"
* **Call Girl attacked**
	+ "Ignore the haters, Call Girl."
* **Captain Diabetes attacked**
	+ "You better not scrap with the Cap!"
* **Human Kite attacked**
	+ "You OK, Human Kite?"
* **New Kid attacked**
	+ "They always pick on the New Kid."
	+ "Tough break, Butthole!"
	+ "Don't sweat it, New Kid."
	+ "It happens to the fastest of us, New Kid."
	+ "Don't get bummed out, BumLord."
* **Brutalist New Kid attacked**
	+ "Our Brutalist is getting brutalized!"
* **Minted New Kid attacked by Berried enemy**
	+ "You can't hurt a minty Butthole!"
* **Ally attacked by enemy covered in Berry while New Kid is protected by Mint**
	+ "Silly Berry, you can't hurt Mint!"
* **Defeated**
	+ "Man down!"
	+ "My ticket's punched."
	+ "I'm goin' down."
* **Human Kite defeated**
	+ "You never know how much you appreciate a Human Kite until he's gone."
* **Mysterion defeated**
	+ "Darn it! Where are we gonna get another Netherborn?"
* **New Kid defeated**
	+ "Uh-oh! New Kid's knocked out!"
	+ "Butthole's borked!"
	+ "Sleep it off, New Kid. We'll revive you eventually."
* **Bleeding**
	+ "A little blood leakage never hurt anyone..."
	+ "It's nothing but a flesh wound."
* **Ally Bleeding**
	+ "Wow! Should I run to the store and get some band-aids?"
* **Burning**
	+ "Why is my inflammable suit burning?"
* **Mosquito Charmed**
	+ "We need to punch some sense back into Mosquito!"
* **Chilled**
	+ "Wow, I'm colder than a witch's t-t-t-t-t-t...boobs."
	+ "So cold... It's slowing down my highly honed reflexes!"
* **Ally Chilled**
	+ "This is no time to chill!"
* **Charmed**
	+ "I'm with the other guys now... I think."
	+ "Wait whose team am I on...?"
* **Grossed Out**
	+ "Oh gross..."
	+ "It's all fun and games until you barf on your costume."
* **Hemorrhaging inflicted on enemy**
	+ "You guys wouldn't last a second in wood shop."
	+ "We got a bleeder!"
* **Monster Hemorrhaging, shower room battle**
	+ "Good thing there's a drain for all that blood."
* **Invisible**
	+ "You can't kill what you can't see."
	+ "I'm not really invisible, but my atoms are vibrating too fast for you to see."
* **Shocked**
	+ "My atoms are overcharging! Stay back!"
	+ "I hope my rapidly oscillating atomic structure can take the heat..."
	+ "The electrostatic charge is disrupting my relative speed!"
* **New Kid Shocked**
	+ "Stay back, New Kid, or you'll rearrange everybody's atoms!"
* **Slowed**
	+ "I usually move a whole lot f-faster than this."
* **Victory, Final Girl tutorial battle**
	+ "Now maybe we can finally get some answers!"
* **Victory, shower room battle, Bring the Crunch**
	+ "Now that's what I call a nice clean victory!"
* **Victory, indian burial ground, Bring the Crunch**
	+ "It'll take more than a few vengeful spirits to shut down this camp!"
* **Dialogue**
	+ **With Call Girl, Call Girl attacked**
		- *Fastpass*: "I'll avenge you, Call Girl!"
		*Call Girl*: "I can avenge myself, thanks!"
	+ **With Captain Diabetes, attacking**
		- *Captain Diabetes*: "What kind of juice do you drink? 'Cause I'll have whatever you're having."
		*Fastpass*: "Sorry, Captain Diabetes. That's top secret."
		- *Captain Diabetes*: "Boy, how many juice boxes do you need to chug to keep those energy levels?"
		*Fastpass*: "You mean all day or just in the last five seconds?"
	+ **With Captain Diabetes, after Captain Diabetes using Sugar Rush and Insulin Shock**
		- *Fastpass*: "Topping off your offense with a little defense? Pretty smart!"
		*Captain Diabetes*: "Thanks, buddy!"
	+ **With The Coon, after The Coon attacking**
		- *Fastpass*: "One good deed deserves another, Coon. I just sponsored a hungry African kid in your honor."
		*The Coon*: "African? What about all the hungry kids in America, for chrissakes? I'm wasting away!"
	+ **With The Coon, after The Coon using Coon Pounce**
		- *​Fastpass*: "That was pretty cool, Coon. I couldn't even see the wires."
		*The Coon*: "Fuck you, dude! I don't use wires."
	+ **With The Coon, The Coon attacked**
		- *​The Coon*: "You fuck with the Coon, you answer to his friends. Right, guys?"
		*Fastpass*: "Avenging you is on my to-do list!"
	+ **With counselor, Nightmare Timmy first turn start**
		- *​Counselor*: "Get me out of here, PLEASE!"
		*Fastpass*: "Workin' on it!"
	+ **With counselor, after using Hit and Run, Bring the Crunch**
		- *​Counselor*: "No running! The pier is so slippery!"
		*Fastpass*: "Sorry, ma'am."
	+ **With Henrietta, after attacking**
		- *Henrietta*: "Did Fastpass go? I stopped caring."
		*Fastpass*: "Blink and you missed it!"
	+ **With Mimsy, after Mimsy unsuccessfully attacking, Bring the Crunch**
		- *Mimsy*: "Duuh, how am I supposed to kill you dead when you keep movin'?"
		*Fastpass*: "Exactly!"
	+ **With Mintberry Crunch, turn start versus the Zarganor, second phase**
		- *Fastpass*: "Crunch, how the hell are we gonna defeat this guy?"
		*Mintberry Crunch*: "Just keep beating on him and leave the minting to me!"
	+ **With Mintberry Crunch, Monsters, and Professor Chaos, second wave of Monsters, Final Girl tutorial battle**
		- *Monster*: "Get outta here, kids!"
		*Other monster*: "You don't belong here! Rarr!"
		*Fastpass*: "Hmm, something's a little off with these monsters."
		*Mintberry Crunch*: "Let's get 'em!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "You guys are crazy!"
	+ **With Mintberry Crunch, after Mintberry Crunch using Mint Launch**
		- *Mintberry Crunch*: "I declare you: Minted!"
		*Fastpass*: "There he goes!" / "See you soon, space hero!" / "See you in a jiff!"
	+ **With Monster, Monster turn start**
		- *Monster*: "This camp is haunted, dummies!"
		*Fastpass*: "You're a dummy."
		- *Monster*: "I'm comin' to get ya!"
		*Fastpass*: "Good luck catching Fastpass!"
	+ **With Monster, Monster turn start, shower room battle**
		- *Monster*: "Once we take care of you, that idiot in the shower is next!"
		*Fastpass*: "Keep your claws off that counselor!"
	+ **With Monster, after ally attacking Monster**
		- *Monster*: "Hey, monsters are people, too!"
		*Fastpass*: "Yeah, people who are assholes."
	+ **With Monster, targeted by Monster Bash**
		- *Monster*: "Can't wait to roast you over the fire."
		*Fastpass*: "No need. We have plenty of plenty of marshmallows."
	+ **With Monster, Monster Burning**
		- *Monster*: "This is why humans and monsters can't be friends!"
		*Fastpass*: "I'm pretty sure it's not the only reason."
	+ **With Mysterion, after attacking**
		- *Mysterion*: "Live fast and die young. You have the right idea, Fastpass."
		*Fastpass*: "Yeah, I learned that one from a Family Circus strip."
		- *Mysterion*: "Press the attack while you still draw breath."
		*Fastpass*: "That was some dark shit, man."
	+ **With Mysterion, after Mysterion attacking**
		- *Mysterion*: "Today you crossed paths with the wrong immortal fourth grader."
		*Fastpass*: "That was some dark shit, man."
	+ **With Mysterion, after self or ally attacking**
		- *Mysterion*: "Weep not for thine enemies. They're, like, total assholes."
		*Fastpass*: "That was some dark shit, man."
	+ **With Mysterion, after Mysterion using Demonic Fury**
		- *Fastpass*: "You're a pretty intense dude, Mysterion."
		*Mysterion*: "I got a lot on my mind."
		- *Mysterion*: "Fate brought us together so that I could tear you apart."
		*Fastpass*: "That was some dark shit, man."
	+ **With Nathan, Nathan turn start, first battle**
		- *Nathan*: "Your dirty tricks won't work this time, Jimmy."
		*Fastpass*: "Fight that evil spirit, Nathan! Let's save camp together!"
		- *Nathan*: "What're you gonna do in a world without camp, Jimmy?"
		*Fastpass*: "That won't happen on my watch."
* **With Nathan, Nathan turn start, second battle**
	+ - *Nathan*: "Too bad no aliens will want to mind fuck you, Jimmy. It's real nice."
		*Fastpass*: "Hold on, Nathan! We'll save you!"
	+ **With Fastpass, Nathan Berried**
		- *Nathan*: "Ah! Why am I covered in berry?"
		*Fastpass*: "It's for your own good Nathan."
	+ **With Professor Chaos, battle start, Final Girl tutorial battle**
		- *Fastpass*: "OK, Butthole, why don't you see how your Final Girl powers work on these monsters?"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Yeah, try not to die, New Kid! ...'Cause we're next if you do."
		*Fastpass*: "Put something together from those tools you gathered!"
	+ **With Professor Chaos, Milk Monster turn start, second phase**
		- *Fastpass*: "It's too bad your Kryptonite wasn't something harmless like hamsters."
		*Professor Chaos:* "Hey, hamsters can be serious business when exposed to Chaos!"
	+ **With Professor Chaos, idle and Professor Chaos attacked**
		- *Fastpass*: "Not easy being one of the good guys, huh Professor?"
		*Professor Chaos:* "Only temporary! Soon the world will feel my wrath again!"
	+ **With Professor Chaos, ally idle**
		- *Professor Chaos:* "Muwahaha! Muuuwaaahaaa! Muwwwwaaaa!"
		*Fastpass:* "What in the world are you doing?"
		*Professor Chaos:* "Practicing my evil laugh."
	+ **With Professor Chaos, after New Kid moving after selecting target for Hammer Bomb, Final Girl tutorial battle**
		- *Fastpass*: "Wow, and then you choose your victim's knockback direction! Cool!"
		*Professor Chaos:* "Knock 'em into your traps!"
	+ **With Professor Chaos, after Professor Chaos using Chaos Blast**
		- *Fastpass*: "Where'd you learn to do that?"
		*Professor Chaos:* "From no one. Chaos is my master!"
		*Fastpass:* "Ah, from the Learning Annex, then. I got it!"
	+ **With Professor Chaos, after Professor Chaos using Chaos Blast and Chaos Confuse-O-Tron**
		- *Fastpass*: "Gotta admit... Your brand of Chaos has a certain appeal!"
		*Professor Chaos:* "Well, I'm glad you think so!"
	+ **With Professor Chaos, after Nathan using Fishy Friends, Bring the Crunch**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "Oh jeez, I really don't like fish monsters, you guys. They're so clammy!"
		*Fastpass:* "Don't let a little dampness get to you!"
	+ **With Professor Chaos, Professor Chaos revived by haunted dirt, Bring the Crunch**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "Hey you guys, maybe we shouldn't be fighting on an Indian burial ground!"
		*Fastpass:* "Think of it as part of a unique cultural experience."
	+ **With Professor Chaos, Professor Chaos attacked**
		- *Fastpass*: "You OK, Chaos?"
		*Professor Chaos:* "Uh, not really."
	+ **With Fastpass, enemy Bleeding or Hemorrhaging, Bring the Crunch**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "The Final Girl's nice and all, but all this blood is kinda gross!"
		*Fastpass:* "Just be happy it's not your blood!"
	+ **With Professor Chaos, Monster Bleeding or Hemorrhaging**
		- *Fastpass*: "Wow, they're really bleeding everywhere."
		*Professor Chaos:* "Golly! I guess monsters have more blood in 'em than humans do."
	+ **With Raisins Girl, ally idle**
		- *Raisins Girl*: "So, you guys having a good time today?"
		*Fastpass*: "Sure am!"
	+ **With Spontaneous Bootay, turn start**
		- *Fastpass*: "That thing is freaky!"
		*Spontaneous Bootay*: "Hey, honey. You ain't ready for this bootay."
	+ **With Super Craig, Super Craig attacked**
		- *Fastpass*: "You OK, Super Craig?"
		*Super Craig*: "Sure. I'm fucking fabulous."
	+ **With Toolshed, turn start**
		- *Fastpass*: "Thanks for letting me borrow your jigsaw, Toolshed!"
		*Toolshed*: "When did you borrow that?"
		*Fastpass*: "Like, five seconds ago. I am so fast."
	+ **With the Zarganor, battle start**
		- *Zarganor*: "I will destroy you!"
		*Fastpass*: "Uh oh!"
* **Unsorted**
	+ *Human Kite 2*: "I better not have re-deviated my septum."
	*Fastpass*: "Human Kite from an Alternate Universe, ladies and gentlemen."
	+ *Fastpass*: "This isn't very funny, Coon."
	*The Coon*: "Do I look like I'm laughing?!"
	+ "This is really bumming me out."
	+ *Fastpass*: "Why are you making us beat you up, Coon?"
	*The Coon*: "I'm not doing shit, dude!"
	+ *The Coon*: "Dammit, I didn't kidnap ButtLord's parents!"
	*Fastpass*: "Just stop, Coon."
	+ *The Coon*: "Guys, I'm really sorry about this. Mitch is such an asshole, huh?"
	*Fastpass*: "Yeah, right."
	+ *The Coon*: "You know I didn't do that, right? That was Conner."
	*Fastpass*: "Oh, come on."
	+ "I must stay ahead of the Chaos waves!"
	+ "It is I, Fastpass! Confuser of Chaos Minions!"