Cool Puberty

## Description

With the miners of Icewind Dale surrounding them and down an ally, the Dragon Friends need a miracle to escape with their spellstone prize. Fortunately, a miracle is about to arrive in the form of a legend from Bobby's past.

## Synopsis

The Friends have been rumbled and are in combat with the half-ogre minor Grizzak in the Spellstone mining camp. Alarm flares are fired and groups of mercenaries start to emerge from the mines; Grizzak fires at Baston and misses, demolishing a cabin. Banknote has activated the Banknote Apparatus and attacks Grizzak with the Apparatus' claws, and Bobby casts *Mind Spike* on Grizzak which causes him psychic damage; Baston and Philge both charge in with their melee weapons and kill Grizzak, but are fast becoming surrounded by the mining crews. Bobby and Philge are shot by crossbow-wielding mercenaries, and the Friends decide to flee the camp. Banknote begins turning the heavy Apparatus around.

Bobby attempts to leave the guard tower and exit the camp and in disguise. As he does, Baston notices a strange shadow consume the body of Nicci, and uses *Step of the Wind* to dash towards the gate, tackling a miner who was attempting to barricade the gate; Philge charges after Baston and cuts the miner to pieces. Banknote charges the Apparatus through the gate, but sees several squads of mercenaries responding to the alarm call, led by Strahd's local officer Commander Brightwell and his sidekick comedy writer Simon Greiner who is on hand to come up with insulting names for the Friends. With the situation looking dire, Banknote sees several black-cloaked snipers sneaking up behind the commanders. The snipers abruptly shoot Brightwell and Greiner as they attempt to improvise dialogue, a horn is blown which starts an avalanche cutting off several of the squads, and a fifth figure opens a secret passage in the rock face and beckons the Friends inside. Inside the passage, Bobby realises that this is the legendary Jacob Undercourt, the leader and most famous of the Nightclaw Rangers. Jacob explains that the tunnel leads to the hidden Night Claws lodge (actually a village), where they need to discuss the situation. Bobby tells Jacob that he has obtained some raw spellstone, and Jacob confirms that he and the Friends will be instrumental in the actualisation of the Wolfen prophecy.

At the village, Jacob invites them into a yurt to meet, but Banknote declines in favor of stealing the ballista from Grizzak's body and installing it on the Banknote Apparatus, disabling the lever that allows the Apparatus to turn to the left; and Baston remembers that he's scared of the Wolfen as a terrifying legend in his childhood and flees the yurt. Meanwhile, Jacob and the other Friends meet with Madame Drazkov, who examined the Spellstone that Bobby retrieved. Drazkov explains that the shards are what Nickolai saw in his Grey Dream and was phophecied to die for - and Philge notices that Jacob has an unusual reaction to the mention of Grey Dreams. Jacob explains that his Grey Dream showed that Strahd would be defeated by someone with "a heart of glass and a sword of stone" who would die themselves in the attempt. Confused, Bobby points out that's **his** Grey Dream, which causes Jacob to fly into a furious rage, asking when Bobby had his dream. Jacob explains that he thought that **he** was the one prophecied to defeat Strahd, and that the "Heart of Glass" meant only that he was sensitive; Bobby shows the actual crystal embedded in his chest.

Drazkov attempts to console Jacob in his disappointment, and Philge points out that he should be happy that he isn't fated to die. Meanwhile, Drazkov mentions that her spies have located Greatheart Banknote, imprisoned by Strahd in his dungeons. She states that Wolfen will give them assistance and provisions for a journey to rescue him; that Jacob will travel with them; and that she has fashioned the spellstone crystals into a crossbow bolt (named Pointy Steve) which could be used to slay Strahd.

## Cast

### Dragon Friends

* Philge
* Bobby Pancakes
* Baston
* Lionshield Banknote

### NPCs

* Grizzak, Half-Ogre miner
* Command Brightwell
* Madame Drazkov

### Places

* The Spine of the World
* The Wolfen Lodge

## Themes, Tropes and Running Jokes

* Bullying Dave: When Alex introduces a female Night Claw, Alex invokes the "Bechdel Test" - that a female character should be shown having a conversation with another female character that isn't about a boy - and when Dave attempts to introduce her sister for her to talk to, Alex immediately voices her and begins a stereotypical conversation about boys and boobies, then blames Dave for making the character sexist. This causes Dave to declare the female Night Claw a powerful lieutenant and for her sister to accidentally fall off a cliff and die.

## Trivia

* The group discuss but can't recall the scam perpetrated by the main character in *The Music Man*. He poses as a "Professor" of music who cons the town into paying him to set up and train a boys' marching band. After the instruments and uniforms arrive, he skips town with his fee.

## Quotes

* "What will you do with us once you have us ringed?" "Heck, it's comedy guys. Comedy rules. Can you imagine that for months, for months live comedy was dead in this city and yet we said, no, coronavirus, we'll be here safely and we're gonna do it and we need gems like 'what you you do once you've been ringed?' F\*\*k me. I **do** need to fake my death."
* "What's happening to my voice?" "It's kinda growly, I'm into it, it's kinda cool." "Well that's good, because you'll be hearing more of it as we go on." "Are you putting it on, or is it the real thing?" "No, this is the real thing. I went through puberty once and then Cool Puberty after." "What happens, I mean does just your voice change in Cool Puberty, or..?" "No, no. You grow an extra sword..." "What happens to your dick during Cool Puberty?" "Oh, you wouldn't freaking believe. You think it'd get bigger but in fact it curls back in on itself and then out so it ends up thicker but.. am I making sense here?"
* "We can talk of this later, at the lodge. You're going to love it there." "I know. I've been there." "Oh, right, of course. Bobby, wasn't it?"

## Table Talk

* "Baston, you've never been here. The Wolfen were a legend in Barovia, but of course you've never met them." "Smells like home." "Well no, it smells like **my** home." "All of this is terrifying to you - in fact, probably, Baston, when you were a very small boy they probably scared you with stories of the Wolfen who would come and steal you. This is a realisation of every nightmare you had as a child." "OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY I DID NOT REALIZE THIS WOULD BE AS TRIGGERING AS IT IS RIGHT NOW AAAAAAAARGH"