The One About Friends

**The One About Friends** is the fifth episode of season one of *The Cleveland Show*.

## Synopsis

Cleveland helps Junior get a social life, by trying to find him at least one friend.

## Characters

### Major Roles

* Cleveland Brown
* Donna Tubbs-Brown
* Cleveland Junior
* Roberta Tubbs
* Rallo Tubbs
* Lester Krinklesac
* Ernie Krinklesac
* Dale
* Jackson Patterson
* August Patterson

### Minor Roles

* Tim the Bear
* Holt Richter
* Walt
* Julius
* Shavone
* Princess
* Kendra Krinklesac
* The Elephant Man
* Federline Jones (Mentioned)
* Robert Jones (Mentioned)

## Quotes

**Roberta**: Okay, then we'll meet at 7:00. I'll text Vanessa and IM Jodi. You Twitter Gabby, poke Tracy, and cyberbully Maria.

**Cleveland**: What are you doing, son?
**Junior**: Counting to a million.
**Cleveland**: Why ... Why are you doing that?
**Junior**: Why does anybody do anything?
**Cleveland**: Did you eat the brownies in the back of the freezer?

*[Cleveland drives with Junior to find him a friend, and they pass by a teenage boy on the sidewalk]*
**Cleveland**: He seems like he could use a friend too.
*[Cleveland gets out of the car, but Junior stays]*
**Cleveland**: Aren't you coming?
**Junior**: You go. I'm shy.
**Cleveland**: *[groans]*
*[Cleveland goes up the the teenage boy]*
**Cleveland**: Hey there, sport.
**Teenage Boy**: Excuse me?
**Cleveland**: How are ya?
**Teenage Boy**: Um, good. Thanks.
**Cleveland**: Listen, I got a proposition for ya.
**Teenage Boy**: Yeah?
**Cleveland**: My name's Cleveland. How'd you like to play with Cleveland Junior?
**Teenage Boy**: *[unnerved]* What?
**Cleveland**: Oh, you'll love him. He's a little chubby, but he's always up for a good time. A lot of other kids have jerked him around, but I can tell, you're the kind of guy, who would treat him right.
**Teenage Boy**: *[disturbed]* Uh, are you implying what I think you are?
**Cleveland**: Oh, no. Don't get me wrong. He's a handful, but a nice handful.
**Teenage Boy**: *[scared]* No. No, thank you.
**Cleveland**: Look, I'll be honest with you. I'm tired of playing with him. You wanna see him? Come over by the car, and I'll let you have a look. Come on, what do you say? I'll give you thirty bucks right now, if you play with him in the car.
**Teenage Boy**: *[intently; into a small mic]* Boomerang.
*[A bunch of cop cars surround Cleveland]*
*[Cleveland drives with Junior]*
**Cleveland**: You know, once I read over the transcript, I can see how my words might have been misconstrued.

**Roberta**: Looks like I'm not the only one around here, with a white boyfriend.

**Cleveland**: Mi casa es su casa.
**Ernie**: Wow, your dad knows janitor language! I love it here!

**Ernie**: Hey, yall. So, what are we grubbin' on tonight?
**Donna**: Oh, Ernie, you're back for dinner ... again.
**Ernie**: Yup. You said I could come over, anytime. So, I'm movin' in.
**Cleveland**: Well, that's not exactly what I-
**Roberta**: If Cleveland Junior's boyfriend gets to live here, then why can't mine?

**Cleveland**: AH, I SAT ON MY NUTS!

**Cleveland**: Hi, Lester. This is a little awkward, but Ernie was talking about moving into my house, and *[chuckle]*, I figured you-
**Lester**: That true, Ernie? You wanna live here or there?
**Ernie**: There, I reckon.
**Lester**: Well, heh, boy's all yours.

*[Ernie comes to live with The Brown-Tubbs Family]*
**Rallo**: Oh, perfect, just what we need, another dude! Would it kill somebody to bring home a hot Puerto Rican chick, who's into black midgets?

*[Ernie pees in the sink]*
**Ernie**: Do y'all have disposal, or should I do the rest in the yard?
**Cleveland**: *[flat]* ... Both ...

**Cleveland**: I feel turrible. Turrible, turrible, turrible. I broke up a family and sent away the only friend Cleveland Junior had.
**Donna**: I know. I mean, Lester's not perfect, but he *is* Ernie's father, Cleveland.
**Cleveland**: *[angry]* Whoa! Listen to you!
**Donna**: What?
**Cleveland**: You're being a total hypocrite! *[mimicking Donna]* He's Ernie's father, Cleveland. *[normal]* Yesterday, you were all, *[mimicking Donna]* Call child services. Call child services. They'll just have a conversation.
**Donna**: Oh, you gotta be kidding. I said that stuff, only cuz just a few days ago, you were all *[mimicking Cleveland]* My kid is lonely. He's a loser. I gotta get him a friend. Blah blah blah. Ow, I sat on my nuts.
**Cleveland**: Uh-huh, well that's only cuz you're all *[mimicking Donna]* Oh, Cleveland. I should probably pleasure you, right here in the kitchen.
**Donna**: And then you're like *[mimicking Cleveland]* No, that's okay. I'll just go in the bathroom and take care of myself real quick and then get out there and bring Ernie home.
**Cleveland**: Aw, man, why'd I have to say that? Me and my big mouth.

**Cleveland**: Lester, good news!
**Lester**: I already heard. We got a black president.

**Lester**: Ugh, sorry I'm late. I was busy turning Ernie's room back into a panic room.
**Holt**: Panic Room. With Forest Whitaker. Who was in Fast Times with Sean Penn, who was in Mystic River with Kevin Bacon. Yeah! In three. Suck it!

**Lester**: We're gunna go in there and show the government that they can take away our freedom, but they can't take my son!
## Trivia

* This episode marks the debut of Ernie Krinklesac, Walt, Julius, and Shavone.
* Junior makes his first friend in this episode, Ernie Krinklesac.
* Ernie is temporarily adopted by the foster parents, Jackson and August Patterson.

### Cultural References

* The title is a reference to the formula of episode titles for the NBC sitcom, *Friends*, where each episode began with either "The One About...", "The One with...", "The One Where..." or another variant of that.
* When Cleveland goes shoe shopping, "*I Can't Wait*" by Nu Shooz plays.
* Holt plays the game known as "*The Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon*", in which the player must find a way to connect an actor with Kevin Bacon through their film roles. Here, he brings up the movie, "*Panic Room*", which featured *Forest Whitaker*, who was in "*Fast Times at Ridgemont High*", with *Sean Penn*, who was in "*Mystic River*" with *Kevin Bacon*.
* Cleveland and a Hillbilly Rapist both share a fandom of famous comedians, *Flip Wilson* and *Ed Bradley*. The Hillbilly Rapist also inappropriately noted that he once got a boner, from *Halley Berry's* boobs.
* Lester does a take on a quote from "*Braveheart*", when he says that the government may take their freedom, but they can never take his son.
* Cleveland references to the famous singer *Kenny Rogers*, and his poor career choice of starting up a fast-food restaurant, called *Kenny Rogers Roasters*, which failed, miserably.
* Tim claims to have made out with Nicky Hilton.

## Navigation

Unaired Pilot

**Season 1**

Cleveland Moves In • Brawl in the Family • Birth of a Salesman • Good News Bear • **The One About Friends** • From Fatness to Fitness • The Cleveland Jr. Cherry Bomb • Ladies' Night • From Bed to Worse • Love Rollercoaster • Field of Streams • A Brown Thanksgiving • Father Figured Out • Once Upon a Thyne in New York • Da Doggone Daddy Daughter Dinner Dance • Gone With the Wind • A Cleveland Brown Christmas • The Curious Case of Jr. Working at the Stool • Buried Pleasure • Brotherly Love • Our Gang • Brown History Month • Crime Don't Pay • Cleveland's Angels • The Brown Knight • You're the Best Man, Cleveland Brown

**Season 2**

Cleveland Live! • Harder, Better, Faster, Browner • Junior's New Class • Fat and Wet • Little Man on Campus • I'm a Midnight Joker • How Cleveland Got His Groove Back • Ain't Nothin' But Mutton Bustin' • It's the Great Pancake, Junior Brown • How Do You Solve a Problem Like Roberta? • Mother-In-Law Fiasco • A Short Story and a Tall Tale • Another Bad Thanksgiving • Beer Walk! • Terry Unmarried • Frapp Attack! • Murray Christmas • The Blue, The Gray, and The Brown • Roberta's Got a Brand New Boy • Back to Cool • The Essence of Cleveland • Like a Boss • To Live and Die in VA • Ship-rect • Your Show of Shows • Hot Cocoa Bang Bang

**Season 3**

The Hurricane • This One Thought at Bible Camp • Doctor's Disorders • Sex and the Biddy • Brown Magic • BFFs • Yemen Party • All You Can Eat • Mama Drama • Y Tu Junior Tambien • There Goes El Neighborhood • Dirty Dancing 3 • A Vas Deferens Between Men & Women • The Men in Me • Women in the Workplace • Mr. & Mrs. Brown • Nightmare on Grace Street • Das Shrimp Boot • 'Til Deaf • Skip Day • Turkey Pot Die • Jesus Walks • Dancing With the Stools • B.M.O.C. • Die Semi-Hard

**Season 4**

A Walk Down Cleveland Lane • Menace II: Secret Society • Pins, Spins, & Fins • The Way The Cookie Crumbles • Escape From Goochland • Hustle N Bros • To the Mex • Who Done Did It? • Flush of Genius • A General Thanksgiving Episode • Fist and the Furious • Grave Danger • Of Lice and Men • 'Tis the Cleveland to be Sorry • Brownsized • A Rodent Like This • A Theistic Environment • Wide World of Cleveland Show • Here Comes the Bribe • When a Man (or Freight Train) Loves His Woman • March Dadness • California Dreamin' • The Hangover: Part Tubbs • Squirt's Honor • Crazy Train • Wheel of Family!

**Specials**

Cleveland Moves Out