'James' Park'

James's Park (formally known as Mayesbrook Park) is a large open public green space complete with two large lakes, a mini forest, open green fields, a stream and small bridges in the heart of Dagenham. It has been a frequent spot for the Unicorn Warriors to chill when they come down to visit James, due to its close proximity to Ho Lee, the Roundhouse and James's House.

Often they buy alcohol from a nearby off-license and their Chinese food and make their way towards 'the tree'. A spot in the centre of the park that gives a 360 degree view of the surrounding area as well as allow them to bask in the sun. However recently a new spot was discovered between a cluster of trees whose canopy provided protection from the rain.

**Notable Events**

***Valium Man*** - One sunny afternoon as the warriors tucked into a tub of salt and chilli squid from Ho Lee and a bottle of cheap VS Brandy to wash it down; a man all by his lonesome could be seen making his way across the field towards them. From this same direction they suddenly heard him say "Are we enjoying some brandy then lads". How on this earth he could tell that we were drinking brandy is beyond what any of us could comprehend, the bottle was half empty and behind a bag. Gobsmacked. We could all sense he was a bit dodgy from this remark, he soon sat with us and began to tell a story before any of us could mutter a word. He went on to explain he was addicted to Valium pills and sought help at a local hospital where he was then dragged out by security and barred for attempting to assault them. Tension soon filled the air, to counter this James and Zain began to sympathize with the man and have a deep conversation about the effects of Valium, despite never encountering the drug in their lives. Raphael was much confused and probably thought how much of a cretin they both were. Soon the man was on his merry way, perhaps off to steal Valium from somewhere. The warriors wished him a pleasant journey, that would be the last they would see of him.

***Epic Retardation*** - During one evening they warriors had met at James' Park to make plans for their trip to Amsterdam which you can read about here. A couple of bottles of cider later, it was pitch black and night time fell upon them. They made their way to the children's playground for some top Bants when Raphael hopped on a spinning mechanism which James had endlessly spun like a hyperactive spider for almost 10 minutes. Through the muffled pleas of "Stop" and "Please" from Raphael, James who had entered into another state of hysterical laughter couldn't stop himself spinning Raphael into a demented lunatic. When the ordeal was over, Raphael was utterly incomprehensible. He began to rapidly shake his arms and legs into the floor, taking mini steps whilst belting out this high pitched moaning through his big grinning face. James and Zain had a legit 'What the Fuck' moment quietly between themselves as they looked upon this breakdown in front of them. They had later confirmed that they feared Raphael may have been briefly brain damaged.

***Who let the dog out?*** - Another afternoon the warriors decided to meet as usual by the Roundhouse, grab some drinks and Chinese then make their way to 'the tree'. This day James had decided to bring his dog, Demi. She was an extremely timid creature, beginning to shake and back away as soon as Raphael or Zain attempted to pet her. They frequently commented how constantly depressed she looked and stubborn, refusing to even look at either of them amidst their kind gestures and calls. They all sat by the tree and tucked into their food, supping on a pot of lush blackbean sauce. This was were Raphael coined the phrase "Phenomenal Blackbean Sauce!" which they would screech in their highest pitched voices. Once James had taken her back home again, they decided to grab some vodka and make their way to a cluster of trees. With an assortment of crisps, alcohol, cards and good friends - what more could they need? When their wasn't enough vodka, they mutually agreed to hit the off-license yet again for some Malibu and return to the tree cluster. Like a scorpion in a pincer movement attack, the alcohol slowly creep up on them - they went bat-shit crazy. Especially Zain who could barely get up off the ground and lobbed the Malibu bottle at trees. The Warriors were in high spirits, drunk, full of energy and chanting 'Phenomenal Blackbean sauce!' at the top of their lungs. They went on an adventure, to find a sweet buried beneath a log from a previous visit before Zain fully pissed on a bench and James decked a information sign. What a day indeed for the Unicorn Warriors.

   ***Shit Shirt*** - Another day planned in the wonders of Mayesbrook Park. The plan put simply, Raphael, James and Zain would meet up nearby, go Asda and return to canopy in the park with Vodka and mixer and snacks. Sean would rendezvous later. The plan to meet for 1pm failed miserably, for ages James and Raphael would attempt to make contact Zain with minimal results. The two meet up anyway and made their way to Asda and buy the booze then make their way to the park. By 4pm when the pair had thought they reached the solid conclusion that Zain was either dead or taken hostage, a miracle appeared through the medium of their mobile phones;

**"Well that nap didn't go as planned"**

Raphael was gobsmacked and James was absolutely furious proceeding to headbutt a tree and make a very angry phone call to Zain. Chaos and worry adverted, when soon Sean would come by looking very fresh with his new haircut. Zain would later join revealing he not only waited in traffic for 2 hours but ended up by the River Thames when he took the wrong bus. Marvelous.

The combination of banter, drinking and scoffing on snacks accumulated to a boisterous wrestle of sorts that saw James tackle Sean to the ground. In doing so, Sean had rolled onto a pile of dog shit which smeared into his shirt. Within moments Sean had ripped it off, the rest of warriors had burst into hysterical laughter. However it could only get worst before it got better, as Raphael pointed out he had a nice solid log of shit stuck to his back. The laughter was painful and unforgiving by this point. James attempted to wipe it off Sean's back but couldn't resist gagging and heaving at the horrendous smell/texture. Sean took over the job, using tissue after tissue and throwing them to the ground; Zain also helped clean the shit of Sean's shirt by pouring cola on it.

Once semi-clean, Sean refused to put his shirt back on until it was fully clean and therefore proceeded to stand in the open and in full view of the park top-naked. He eventually made his way to the Roundhouse pub where he cleaned the shirt in the toilets - he even complained about the bar staff who jokingly directed him to the ladies. Upon return with James' jacket half zipped up, in his shorts with pulled up socks and looking much like a dodgy male prostitute - we attempted to dry his shirt. As it dried Raphael, James and Zain made our way to get food, to James's dismay the chicken shop was closed and was coerced in visiting Ho Lee for some delicious Chinese.

After consuming the food and in even higher spirits, the Warriors would randomly start wrestling each other - Raphael took a particular dislike to James and proceeded to chase him dementedly and threaten to beat him to a pulp. Towards the end of a spectacular day, they made their way to the children's play area which would feature Raphael being spun around yet again, inducing more violent threats towards James.

    Easter Saturday 2019

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