AMBiTiON/Story/Ch. 12

## Low on Red Ink

 *How will the band deal with Mai's lack of cooperation? For Sorae, the power of words might do the trick.*

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Chihiro laid on the mattress and stared blankly at a familiar ceiling. She thought her band project was going so well. Maybe that was just wishful thinking, after all. Was everything Chihiro involved with inevitably going to end in demise? ... Why her?

Oh, if only, she thought, if only she was brave enough to just run away - It certainly wasn't any fault of hers that life despised her so. If no one in this world would love her, Chihiro supposed only she could do it herself. And what easier way to do so than to just leave this behind already? 'Without even a farewell to these idiot bandmates,' Chihiro humored her fantasies, 'that I never cared enough to care about.' It would've been so easy to scrap this stupid story and start anew. Maybe she could drop Moriuchi-san from the band for a grand net gain of zero. Maybe she could crumple up this project, and toss it in the trash - Though the others were not uncooperative per se, they weren't exactly useful, either. But if it really was that easy... Why did she hesitate to do so?

Feeling more lost than ever, Chihiro rolled over on her stomach and searched for something to distract herself with. 'Oh, right.' She picked up her phone, the light blinding her for a moment as she searched up a familiar website in her dark bedroom.

It was only some days ago when Chihiro would have laughed at anyone who watched stuff like this. And yet here she was, seeking a bit of consolation in something as silly as an animated kids' show. 'And Sorae-chan better thank me for this act of generosity.'

So, looking up the words 'Majika MagiGal', Chihiro tapped on episode five and started watching...

The sound of a pencil at work started and stopped, started and stopped. In the middle of a classroom sat an expressionless girl, staring down papers on her desk.

Meanwhile, Popular Gal and Tiny Introvert lurked around because they thought they detected negative magic energy somewhere inside their school, and just as they were finally about to leave, Gal realized she left a textbook in her classroom and hurriedly spun away on her heel.

She spotted her homeroom teacher peering through the door's little window. "What are you doing, Sensei?"

"Oh? I'm just checking on her. She's having trouble with homework, so she's staying behind. Did you need something?"

"Just to get my textbook~! 'Scuse me."

The teacher left, apparently to get something from the faculty room, and Gal slid open the door.

Writing, erasing, rewriting a single sentence. Like a robot of coded clockwork. The expressionless girl began to mutter. The negative magic's source seemed to be in that very room, noted Tiny.

Then, the muttering turned into a snarl, and soon, into a yell. Suddenly Gal and Tiny found themselves head to head against a strange beast, curled protectively over the homework like a dragon hoarding its treasure.

As the battle initiated - like every other fight so far - quotes were thrown to and fro, probably for verbal attack... or something along those lines. With each strike the monster or Gal took, it roared aggressive criticisms detailing each and every mistake they made. Although Gal was being pushed back by the harsh words, the monster also hurt itself. And yet, it kept on attacking and attacking as if it couldn't feel a thing. For a show directed towards insecure little girls, Chihiro was slightly surprised at the aggression in their dialogue.

"I need... to be better! You need to be better!" A mutant growl emanated from the monster's maws.

"But you're not helping anyone - not me, and not yourself! You're just insulting both of us at this point!"

"What's important is that everyone knows their failures," growled the monster. "You puny little girl is just too sensitive to accept that some people have standards!"

"I get it! Failure is the mother of success, and practice makes perfect!" Gal clenched her teeth as she tried to summon her magical wand. "But can't you see you're hurting yourself? You're going too far!"

"Who cares that I'm hurting myself?! Nothing matters when quality is at stake! When my performance is...!!"

"'Who cares'? Who doesn't care?! I know I do!" Miss MagiGal herself finally conjured her wand and unleashed the special move, banishing the monster's corrupt heart and restoring the girl's soul.

Bright colors flashed across the screen. Chihiro found her mind going blank as she realized that the beast's lines were oddly reminiscent... of a certain Mai Moriuchi.

"Ugh!" Chihiro groaned, audibly. "That jerk who had to ruin everything for me...!" Though, with her teeth clenched and heart feeling heavy once again, Chihiro had to wonder how much of the beast's sentiments were shared by the aloof Moriuchi-san.

She listened idly to the ending song when a notification on the group chat appeared. About to get irritated by the fact she had to be reminded of The Ordeal one more time, she noticed that something felt off. Chihiro tapped the notification.

"Sent by Sorae Ishizawa, 10:32PM, to Band gc: 'umm izumi chan can i come to haneoka monday afterschool?? (ó﹏ò) i wnat to talk to moriuchi san"'

Even her deep breaths were shaky.

Sorae tried her best to calm down, but to no avail. Why did she ever think this would be a good idea? Every step she was about to take will surely turn out wrong. Say something about herself, she would come across egotistical. Say something about Moriuchi-san, she would come across judgmental. Say nothing at all, she would be wasting time and looking like an idiot for telling Moriuchi-san she wanted to talk. It was true... Sorae really was a waste of time, wasn't she?

The umbrella in Sorae's hands trembled, the pattering of rain harmonizing with the raging static inside her head. It felt like her heart skipped every other beat, her eyes focusing and unfocusing as if she were somehow getting spontaneous cataracts, her stomach writhing with pain and fear as the butterflies fought their way out. Sorae felt heat on her cheeks and neck, yet chills on her back. She felt her lower jaw shuddering in anxiety, and most of all, the confusion and terror pressing harder and harder on her head until her legs became unstable with the vertigo tearing into her. Sorae pulled at her already unbrushed and damp hair, repeatedly licking her lips fearfully as the highschool girls in gray uniforms passed by her. She just couldn't do it. She couldn't.

"Hey, Raa-kun." Izumi's voice greeted, droplets bouncing off her plain teal umbrella. "Caterpillar splash~!"

Oh, it was time... Sorae thought she felt a ball of words get caught in her throat as she looked up from the ground to the short, curly-haired girl. Izumi stood by Haneoka's school gate, turning to someone Sorae couldn't see but could surely predict the presence of. "Moriuchi~! Raa-kun's here."

The figure revealed herself, moss-green hair flowing behind her. She stared upon Sorae with a straight face and hollow eyes, and Sorae heard the static in her head turn louder by the second.

"I-I'm here... to t-talk to you..." She wasn't sure how, but Sorae managed to stammer the words out.

Moriuchi-san continued to stare. "Understood. Please, follow me." Ominously, she began to walk away, and Sorae stumbled after, an unsure rhythm in her gait.

"Hey, what about me~?" Izumi called.

Moriuchi-san halted and turned. "Ishizawa-senpai requested to speak to me, and me alone. I suppose you can wait for the moment."

Looking indignant, Izumi pouted and planted her feet firmly on the side of the main path, while Moriuchi-san led the anxious girl away.

As if it were through a TV screen, Sorae watched her feet move as she trailed behind Moriuchi-san, passing puddles where rain made spreading ripples. The heavier the raindrop, the bigger the waves. The lighter, the smaller - Cause and effect. Sorae wished she could think about something useful, like reciting what she planned to say, but instead the only thing that played in her mind was what led her to this moment.

Due to Chihiro's watching of the series, as well as waiting for season two's release, Sorae had been rewatching *Majika?! MagiGal!* a few days ago when she reached episode five. Just as the other episodes always had, it made Sorae wonder what she would say in such a situation... But for that instance, she no longer had to wonder,

Indeed, she was intimidated by Moriuchi-san - especially after what that girl had said to her - and yet somehow, thanks to the episode, Sorae found herself sympathizing with the girl she'd grown afraid of. Yes... Maybe Moriuchi-san just had an unhealthy attachment to her own standards. Maybe she was simply troubled, and all she needed was sympathy... O-Oh, what was Sorae thinking?! She thought a fictional character could compare to a real person like that. She really thought she could just chat with Moriuchi-san and it would magically fix everything. She thought.

Sorae's head swam, the world beneath her swaying. She was barely aware of her own feet trudging on as she walked. And walked.

Unfittingly, the sky brightened.

She glanced up as Moriuchi-san finally stopped. They were on the side of the school, with no one else in sight. It almost resembled a strange alleyway. Sorae's stomach churned with the isolation.

"Well? I would much prefer not to waste my time. Say what you intend to say." Moriuchi-san ordered, her stern gaze piercing into Sorae.

Desperately trying to calm her nerves, Sorae took as deep a breath as she could. She wasn't ready. Although her throat had tied into a knot, the girl began to speak.

"A-About the other d-day, Moriuchi-san... I-I... I'm sorry."

And there, a radial ripple emerged.

"Um... I d-didn't really mean it when I talked back to you. I-It's just... I got scared, and then..." The pressure only kept increasing. "I know-- M-Moriuchi-san, I know you were just trying to help me, but then I acted like you s-said something wrong and then, then..." Her arms felt limp. "I messed up. You were right. I m-might as well be a child... I-I don't know anything, I don't..."

An uncomfortable sourness rose in her throat.

Sorae's apology was cut short by a sudden bout of tears rolling down her cheeks, but she was hardly aware. Why? Why couldn't she finish such a simple apology about something so minor? Sorae tried to mute herself, but with the uncontrollably sharp inhales, she just couldn't stop it. At least it was only the silent type of tears, but still... *really*?

For a long moment, her body felt numb. She couldn't control anything. Sorae could see her hair trembling, feel her jaws clenching. Tears... not the sad kind. She wasn't sad. She was scared.

Of what? Of Moriuchi-san? No, she'd sympathized with her just a moment ago. All that ran through Sorae's head were regrets, thinking if only she didn't retaliate, if only she never met her-- Heck, if only she never met Aki, Chihiro, and Izumi, if only she never lost that sketchbook, her impulses hadn't taken hold when Aki spoke with her that day, and she instead went home as usual, quarantined herself inside her room, and drew and watched anime and procrastinated until the sunlight from the window went out and she would lay there, in the dark. In her room. She couldn't be bothered to get up and turn on the lights - It was fine as is. She was happy... That was happy.

How did she ever think that was 'happy'?

It felt like forever had passed until Sorae's tears began dying down. As the soft drizzle came to a gradual stop, Moriuchi-san closed her transparent umbrella in light of its now obsolescence, finally breaking eye contact with Sorae, even for just a moment. Sorae reluctantly forced herself to do the same - Though her arms ached from all the shaking and umbrella-holding, she felt a sense of protection under that surface.

Sorae couldn't discern Moriuchi-san's emotions even when she finally spoke, but her voice had gone softer. "Ishizawa-senpai, I would like to know what your intentions are in apologizing to me this way. Are you, perhaps, hoping to win me over by siding with me?" She was staring at Sorae; she could tell even through the blurriness of her tears. "That is not wise. Understand this: You are correct in your assumption that I wanted to help. I did, indeed, want to give you advice on your outlook, however..." Sorae heard a sigh. "Consider this. What do your tears mean? To me, they tell me that you feel hurt, and by my actions, no less. I will recognize that that day, what I had with you was not a conversation. It was a one-sided interaction, in which I had projected my own views onto you, an unwilling listener. Perhaps I'd only been trying to prove my correctness to myself, and never to you, all along..." She paused. "So, I suppose I should thank you."

Sorae's head jerked up. Thank... her?

"I thank you for having the courage to speak up against what I'd said to you, and righting the wrongs I had presented in that one-sided interaction. And... I apologize for hurting you, Ishizawa-senpai."

The unexpectedly kind words only sparked another bout of tears from Sorae. Never would she have imagined that Moriuchi-san would be saying things like that. A first-year speaking so calmly to a second-year, crying like a stupid child. Who could have imagined?

Before Sorae could even process it, Moriuchi-san suddenly and impulsively leaned her umbrella against the wall, to reach and hold Sorae's hand firmly. It felt warm. For the first time, her face softened and she comforted in a gentle voice.

"Come on, I still have more to say. Take deep breaths."

A clack rang from the umbrella's fall to the ground. Neither of them batted an eye. Sorae didn't need Moriuchi-san's instruction - The warmth in her hand was enough. Sorae breathed as much as she could manage, fighting the quick gasps of air. Gradually, she calmed down, but the bizarreness of the situation soon swamped her.

"I... really am a k-kid, aren't I...?"

Moriuchi-san ignored Sorae's comment. "Would you... like to know why I joined your band?" She began, her voice still soft. Wordlessly, Sorae nodded.

"You must remember my younger sister, Fuyuna? She is the keyboardist of ECL:PSE. You see, she has been urging me to find companionship. I informed her that I am part of the Literature Club, but she did not take that for an answer. Hurting myself with the isolation, she says. I do not quite comprehend how..." She glanced away, "but Fuyuna insists so, and you did as well, albeit much more recently. So when I found that Takimoto-senpai is in a band, I decided to join you, due to her sister Kiyomi being Fuyuna's bandmate..."

Moriuchi-san let out a sigh. "And yet, I never changed. I deluded myself into believing that I followed Fuyuna's suggestion merely by being in your proximity, when I barely speak to any of you. I kept up my independence and never co-operated with anyone in your band, and I even hurt you." Her gaze hardened. "Yes... I suppose I have always been ignorant of the emotions of others, but such excuses have no bearing on the matter at hand. I apologize for my actions, Ishizawa-senpai. Whether I deserve forgiveness or not is at your whim." Her countenance remained, but her free hand curled into a hesitant fist. She hissed under her breath. "How pathetic of me, that I cannot do what I think is 'right' without hurting someone that did not deserve it..."

"... But I-I want you."

Moriuchi-san blinked. "Hm?"

"T-The band. I don't really get it, but..." She searched for the vocabulary, "you just did what you thought was right, d-didn't you?" Sorae sincerely looked into her eyes. She hardly thought about the words before they escaped her pale lips. "I'm... over it. Y-Yeah, I got a little scared, but I'm okay now, so please... join our band. Y-You're the right one! Um, I can tell."

"... Thank you, Ishizawa-senpai." The hint of a smile on Moriuchi-san's face was endlessly comforting.

"Y-You can call me by my first name. It's... Sorae."

"Understood. In which case... you may refer to me as Mai."

Only in that moment could Sorae hear her heart beating in relief's silence. Slowly, the realization sunk in: She did it... She did it. She bothered to do it.

Mai looked away as she, gracefully, retrieved her fallen umbrella from the pavement. "If I cause you similar hurt in future instances, do not hesitate to inform me. I will strive to rectify my ignorance." As Mai let go of her hand, Sorae found herself wishing for a few more moments of that kind warmth. "In any case, we must return to Takimoto-senpai. She has been waiti--"

"Raa-kun!!"

From around the corner, a short silhouette appeared and dive bombed Sorae. An open teal umbrella was chucked away lackadaisically. "Yay! You did it, Raa-kun~!"

"T-Takimoto-senpai? How long have you been there...?" Startled, Mai's face turned the faintest pink as she realized that Izumi had heard everything of their conversation.

"That's Izumin to you, *Mai-chan!*" Izumi spun and proceeded to hug Mai instead, locking her from movement as Izumi immobilized her arms.

Mai simply glanced away. "I cannot believe you two are my upperclassmen," she muttered, not bothering to struggle against Izumi's ambush. Even with her vision still misty from tears, Sorae couldn't help but smile a little more. It turned out okay after all.

Getting up wasn't that much of a hassle, was it?

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## Trivia

* Mai's initial 3\* card is displayed in this story.