Chapter 26: My Song, My Sorrow and I

Image Description: An image of a prairie or farmland, with a wire fence along it. A thick wooden post is part of the fence, with gently glowing white flowers at the base. A quote reads: "Are you sure you're the right person to be doing this?" - Esther

## Credits

### Featured Voices

* Jimmie Yamaguchi as Hayward
* Lucille Valentine as Paige
* Graham Rowat as Dennis Duplass
* The Host from We Are Not Meant To Know as Chaplain
* Lucy Winter as Esther Grammen

## Episode Guide

As Paige and Hayward plan the propagation of their new god, they select their first true sacrifice.

## Description

### Developing Prayers

Hayward begins by telling us the truths of the Many Below. Paige picks up where he leaves off, providing us with the hymn for the Many Below. Their god has been born. We hear the drone of the god itself, its growing and rising from underneath the earth.

### Forming A Plan

A Neshite Radio DJ tells of a leak at a busy downtown intersection. It’s a kind of tree, a mass of white crocus flowers. The Radio DJ changes topics to the lottery numbers, and Dennis switches it off. He’s unimpressed. He offers them breakfast, which Hayward declines. Paige remains silent. The white crocus flowers have blossomed where Paige’s mom died. She blames herself for being stupid. Hayward passes her something, its 21 double-sided pages of their scripture. He calls it The First Book of the Spoiling Craw. Paige flips through it, complimenting Hayward’s work. Hayward comments that they need a little creative innovation to spread the word without attracting unwanted attention. Paige has been thinking about it. She wants to do a viral campaign, like priests in the past would have done. Leave copies in different areas so people stumble across it under the radar. They only have twelve copies. Dennis laughs at their idea, he seems to be taunting her. She grows from weary to angry. Hayward pleads with her to ignore him. Dennis asks what the purpose of her god is. Dennis rightfully points out that trying to seed their god amongst the comfortable will lead to them simply turning them in to the police. He tells her she’s smarter than that. Her god is for the desperate. He tells them to set their god loose in the prisons to circulate. Dennis says he can help her, if she’s willing to ask. It's a good idea. Paige refuses to get her father involved. Paige knows better than to think he’s offering out of the goodness of his heart. Hayward tries to act as a mediator. Dennis has a friend, Corvin, who hates the law and was just released from prison, who might help them. He doesn’t owe them money. They’ll need fake ID’s but Dennis promises to sort it out. Paige wants to know every way this can go wrong.

### Meeting Esther Gammen

Dennis and Paige drive to the prison. It’s raining. They have twenty minutes from the bell. Dennis briefs her on how to act in a way that won’t draw suspicion. He tells her not to tell Esther too much or anything incriminating. If she’s not receptive to it, Paige should let it go. She’s being hallowed in three weeks. Paige asks what she did, and Dennis says it doesn’t matter. He says if her god takes off she can rewrite history. Dennis says he likes Hayward. He’s cooking them dinner for when they return. Paige is silent for a few moments before thanking her father for helping arrange this. He tells her he’s not looking for money from her. Paige responds that she knows he thinks she’s ungrateful. She tells him that she hates him. She has been let down by him so often, that she can’t stand the possibility that he has finally decided to change. It would mean she would have to forgive him for being a terrible father, and she doesn’t think she can. To her it feels like he’s abandoning her again. She’s almost excited for him to screw up again, so that she can feel like she wasn’t wrong to hate him. Dennis awkwardly thanks her for her honesty. They leave the car.

They enter the prison. A Chaplain preaches about a cage unto myself. Paige and Dennis hand their IDs to the guard and are led through to see Esther Grammen. Esther is unimpressed. Paige tries to give a coded message about the scripture. Esther scoffs at it and asks what she’s supposed to become. She laughs and tells them that the guards aren’t listening to them. There’s a story unfolding in the prison that will keep them busy. Esther was told by their mutual friend that they want to convert her. Esther believes that her end will hurt a lot less than it could end. She says that if she converts to their god and her death becomes a waste, they’ll make sure she’ll suffer for it if they still can. She asks Paige to give her a damn good pitch. Paige hasn’t got an answer for her. Esther asks her to promise that it will hurt less than the Wirebitten Child. Paige says that she can’t. Dennis attempts to draw Esther to it, using his con man tactics. Esther cuts him off, saying that she was asking Paige not him. Esther says that it hasn’t occurred to Paige to be her own lab rat, Paige says that it has. Dennis is surprised by this. Paige says she’s doing this because she can’t stand to be a part of the system that hurts people. She has to believe others feel the same way. Esther reminds Paige that she can turn her in. Paige says she has faith she won’t, and Esther tells her that in a dark corner she’ll lose that faith. Esther tells Paige that you make one mistake and they lock you away, forcing you to continue to make similar bad choices. She says there’s no faith to be had in other people. Esther asks if she trusts the people she’s acting with. Paige replies that she does, and Esther responds by telling her not to. She asks if Paige is sure she’s the right person to do this. Paige responds that this isn’t her first real error of judgement. Esther says she likes her, before telling her to go home. Dennis tries pointlessly to convince her, and Esther cuts him off. Paige thanks her for the conversation.

They return to the car, and now Paige acts devastated. Dennis tells her he knows she thinks it went badly, but Esther has nothing else to do but think about what paige said and has given her. Paige says she’s not going to come around. Dennis says there are plenty of incarcerated people they can talk to and try to convince. Paige responds that he was right - it was always going to come to nothing. She asks if he thinks she’s ridiculous. He tells her honestly that he thinks she’s brilliant. He doesn’t understand her, or why she’s doing this, but he doesn’t need to understand to support her. He admits that he knows why she hates him. He uses her and her brilliance for all he can get from it. He says he doesn’t know what he’d do if he lost her. He promises to make an effort not focused on him in the future. They cut their losses and go home.

### Something's Wrong

While they’re at the prison, Hayward prunes the weeds from the war monument. He worries that Dennis is right. He worries about the videos of renegade gods he saw while training as a cop. As he leaves, he trips over a hare in the grass. It’s half buried, and a barn owl has latched onto it. They’re both dead, black veins protrude over the victim's body. White crocus flower from both of them. Hayward begins to feel deeply afraid. He covers their bodies, and decides there’s no sense worrying Paige.

### Esther's Conversion

Esther reads The First Book of the Spoiling Craw and its hymn. She scoffs at it, she’s uncertain. Approaching footsteps. The Chaplain enters. Esther greets them and asks if there’s any good news. The Chaplain tells her there’s been a change in plans. She’s going to be sacrificed to a new battle-saint. It comes with a full pardon. This is terrible news. Esther pleads with them. The Chaplain tells them she’s to be sacrificed now. They give her twenty minutes. She’s desperate. She considers telling them about Paige, briefly. She gradually accepts her situation. She promises to cooperate, but asks for ten minutes. Esther tells him to make sure the books get back to the library. She stands in the silence of her cell for a moment, rereading the hymn. The episode ends with her saying she’s ready to go.

## Trivia

* Dennis describes Hayward as a "mess with momentum".
* Esther calls Paige "soft girl".
* Dennis admits that none of his children, other than Paige, speak to him.

## References

1. ↑ Episode Release Announcement on Tumblr
2. ↑ Official episode synopsis at https://feeds.acast.com/public/shows/5fec690f8211cf453a1b89e2