From My Heart's Dead Fever

Content Warning

This page describes or alludes to topics that may be uncomfortable or upsetting to readers. Please avoid this page if you are sensitive to gore, violence, minor cursing, or mature connotation.

**from my heart's dead fever**
a collection of poetry by tilan

written for leo's amazing poetry challenge.

## from my heart's dead fever

*31/11/2023: day one, triolet - ABaAabAB, iambic tetrametre.*

from my heart's dead fever comes the gale

a wild song to a foreign land.

masts high beyond morning mist, pale;

from my heart's dead fever comes the gale.

across wind and wave shall i set sail,

lay eye and soul on naked sand.

from my heart's dead fever comes the gale

a wild song to a foreign land.

## melody to a murder

*1/12/2023: day one, triolet - ABaAabAB.*

you're dead.

it doesn't make any difference, you know.

you laugh; why do you laugh? i said

you're dead.

i tore out your heart and ripped off your head

and fed your bones to the dogs below.

you're dead.

it doesn't make any difference, you know.

## impression, sunrise

*1/12/2023: day two, ekphrasis - a vivid description of a work of art.*

ripples - they were like

tangerines, peeled tangerines, fragmented,

shredded even, laid out to rest before

the morning mirror, raw and thin and smelling faintly of

rusted juice mixers.

i would have said cosines, but

cosines are blue.

## small gods

*2/12/2023 - 4/12/2023: day three, rondel - ABba/abAB/abbaA*

my phone must be smeared; i see lamplight in my screen.

it's dark, but i think it's mercury - or perhaps a flash of gold.

alcohol wipes, that's what i need. but it's winter and it's cold

outside and and it's the damn middle of the night. i can't clean.

staring back at it, you know, that's a pretty strange sheen,

antique, ancient even, rainforest temples with moss and mold.

my phone must be smeared; i see lamplight in my screen.

it's dark, but i think it's mercury - or perhaps a flash of gold.

something calls out to me, something dark and deep, unseen

except for its reflection. i listen: in its wild voice it speaks of old

fortune and worship. but i only want alcohol wipes, i hold.

i guess some things just happen when you're fourteen.

my phone must be smeared; i see lamplight in my screen.

## her turn

*4/12/2023 - 6/12/2023: day four, lento: abab/cdcd, rhyming the first word rather than the last.*

"your turn," she replies, and i can't help but notice how her hair seems to

flow like the north star, there under the broken street light. she sweeps the

floor from under me. she's one of a kind, i swear. i count her heartbeats -

slow and rhythmatic, the spring of youth pulsing to the ticking of time.

i didn't regret it, not then, but now, yes, *now*, as i slump in this black oak

chair of mine, licking the last of the blood from my lips, i start to wonder

why she told me such. did she know? she did, and more. i have no idea who or

where she is, but she's of her own kind. already i am feeling old and dry.

## make me god

*7/12/2023: day 5, dizain - ababbccdcd, ten syllables per line.*

some would call me young, i with my books and

my sketch pad and my multicoloured pens.

it must be youth, they say. well, here i stand.

i ask: is this my future you planned? men's

folly at war, genocide for the cleanse?

i am no child. let me out, make me god -

why the smiles? why call for peace? you applaud

the killer anyway. you hold his gun

to my throat, sing for the sadistic sod,

and you dare lecture me, *you'*re the good one?

## black note written in neat copperplate, found pinned to windowframe by use of arrow

*7/12/2023: day 6, palindrome - a poem able to be read back to front.*

now is enough.

i'm only fooling myself.

you knew everything right from the start -

you know, don't you,

this act we play?

i was wondering how long i could keep it up.

i'll try not to lie again,

but that would be untruthful of me.

i want to pretend i didn't fall for you.

i wish to say that

the first sight of you strangled my heart;

i told you

i didn't like you, not really, not here, not always.

i lied, and that's the truth.

i lied, and that's the truth.

i didn't like you, not really, not here, not always.

i told you

the first sight of you strangled my heart.

i wish to say that

i want to pretend that i didn't fall for you,

but that would be untruthful of me.

i'll try not to lie again.

i was wondering how long i could keep it up,

this act we play.

you know, don't you?

you knew everything right from the start.

i'm only fooling myself.

now is enough.