Division of McMahon Bush War

**The Division of McMahon Bush war** (or Bowen's folly), is a conflict within the boundries of the Division of McMahon which has seen skirmishes and pitched battles between the Australian Labor Party (**ALP**) held seat against Liberal, BFF, the Greens (but those poofs can't even f\*\*king fight) and One Nation (and their SS Allies?). The current conflict has been ongoing and has entered its second year. The 2019 Federal election has been deemed as one of the driving factors behind the conflict. the Election saw the ALP seat become marginal, however, it still remained with the ALP.

### **Prelude to the Conflict:**

The beautiful lush grasslands of the Division of McMahon were beautiful and teeming with life, and it's overseer was the wise (and possible Shark Tale character), Chris Bowen. From Blacktown to Prospect, from Guilford to Yennora, the beautiful Division was the envy of the other Divisions. For the ALP, the Division of McMahon was one of its most cherished prizes, but for others it became their goal for conquest. In the murky wasteland that is the ACT, in the dark hold of the Australian Parliament, the Dark Lord Scott Morrison (or Scomo) schemed with his dark lieutanants on how to capture the jewel that was the Divsion of McMahon. It was in this evil scheming by the Dark Lord and his dark lieutanants that they concocted an evil plan to call an election to be held on the 18 May 2019. It was this that the Dark lord apporach the representative of the High Queen across the endless ocean, the High Inquisitor (or Governor General, what ever suits your wet dreams) Sir Peter Cosgrove, to call for an election. It was with this that his lieutanants were set upon the ALP electorates, they were given vast gold reserves to do their bidding, the lieutanant sent upon McMahon was the evil Dark one, Vivek Singha (I'm actually not pulling a joke on you, this was the name of the Liberal candidate. It sounds evil, I know). Singha unleashed his campaign upon the people of McMahon, enslaving minions to vote for him in the upcoming election. Bowen rallied his fellow companions and fought vigourosly to hold onto the Division. Both candidates fought tooth and nail to gain the trust and votes of the electors of the Division, but as the date neared, it was uncertain who would win. The Australian Labor Party called it for Bowen, however, the evil Singha did not give up so easily, in the depths of his dungeon (his campaign headquarters), Singha rallied his minions and armed them for the outcome. For Singha, either way, McMahon would be his. The day had come, the votes were being cast, the candidates seated in their respective strongholds awaited the outcome. By the late evening, Bowen had retained his seat, but by a reduced majority, however the Bowenities drank and sung praises to their victorious leader. However, in other areas of the country, the Dark Lord Scomo had managed to gain a few seats at the expense of the Australian Labor Party and maintained his rule as Prime Minister (or Dark Lord), but his goal of taking the Division of McMahon had failed. Vivek on the other hand did not sit and accept defeat, he rallied his minions and prepared for war. 'The die is cast'.

### **The Prospect Reservoir Incident (19 May 2019)**

On the morning of the 19 May 2019, Chris Bowen, Lord of... I mean the Member of McMahon, was swimming in the Prospect reservoir (A privelige only awarded to the Member for McMahon) when hooded figures began to appear from the bushes surrounding the reservoir. Bowen came out of the reservoir, he was wearing tight speedos which showed the bulge of his immeasurable schlong (I'd give it bout' 7-8 inches give or take), and the rest of his hairy but strangely fit body. However, this isn't a creepy porn story, the hooded figures revealed themselves to be Liberal party members of the McMahon branch, sent by Singha most likely to kill Bowen. Bowen was outnumbered more than 10 to 1, but in a moment of quick thought, Bowen use the only weapon he'd know that could equalise the playing field. Bowen powered his 10mm nipples at the Liberal members who were in confusion at what Bowen was doing, most of them thought he was just squeezing his nipples for the purposes of orgasmic pleasure but this has been deemed Liberal propaganda. What happened in the next 10 seconds led to the annihilation of the Liberal branch members who were all but reduced to ash. What happened in that time frame to those branch members is unknown, but the next event that happened is what would be the first engagement of the Bush war.

### **The First Battle of Prospect (19-22 May 2019)**

After the Prospect Reservoir incident, Bowen found himself once again set upon this time by a larger host of angry Liberal voters of McMahon wielding weapons of all sorts (mainly kitchen knives, brooms, thrown out dildos that had hardened in the trash for 5 weeks etc). The angry host had only few gunners, who were wielding hunting rifles and pistols, but they were led by none other than Vivek Singha who cried an evil laugh from far off in the distance. As the enemy prepared to charge him, Bowen prayed to the Gods of Social Demcoracy and the Progressives and send him aid to assist. The enemy combatants led out a mighty roar and charged towards the kneeling Member who was motionless and in a peaceful state of mind as he prayed continuosly for aid. It was in that moment that clouds gathered upon the Reservoir, a sound thunder so loud it brought the charge to a hault. Bowen looked to the Reservoir and there was bugle call that was heard, no one could see who or what had made the noise, but what they didn't know is that very noise would sound the very end for the host of angry Liberal voters. Suddenly out of the cloudy Reservoir came the thundering charge of horsemen all crying their battlecry, charging in a fearsome rage ready to end the very forces of Conservatism. It was as they came nearer and nearer to shore that Bowen realised that the Gods had answered his call and sent none other than the demi-god Theodore Roosevelt and his rough riders to assist the Member for McMahon in his hour of need. Singha sounded the horns of war to rally his frightened host and tried to organise a strong battleline to counter this charge, however, the Riders opened fire on the battleline causing heavy casualties. The Rough Riders and their leader caused a devastating charge on Singha's host, cleaving their way through it and leaving no prisoners, it was at that moment that Singha sounded the retreat and led what scattered remains of his force back to his lair. The Liberals had in one day lost hundreds of its voter base in McMahon, but they had gained more and more followers day by day. Bowen on the other hand met with his saviour, Teddy Roosevelt who greeeted him with the phrase 'bully'. Bowen and Roosevelt shook hands and was informed that he had come to assist Bowen in the now open conflict between him and the Liberals. He warned Bowen that Singha was planning to attack his strongholds and his minions were planning a major uprising. Roosevelt also told him that had he been killed today, no other man could take his place and lead the resistance and that only anarchy and confusion would work to Singha's advantage; who sought only to rule McMahon.