Kawakami Uzumaki/Training Journal

## Tales of the Fool

Kawakami gazed nostalgically at the sight before him. Spiraling towers that jutted upwards into the sky, beautiful ivory white marble buildings adorned with gold and plated silver. Jade gardens and lush green gardens scattered across his field of vision. Indeed the Uzumaki compound of Suna was the jewel of the village. It had been too long since he had last returned him, even longer since he last took comfort in the arms of an Uzumaki woman. But more importantly, he was here to see his long-time friend Osamu. See how the brat was doing now.

Knowing his friend, he would either be knee deep in drink or balls deep in some other fellow, sometimes both, or the fiend would be training. There was that one time where it was all three. Some kind of drunken orgy that turned into an all out brawl. He can't quite remember that night. But since then the lady-boys have been giving him the eye and he can't quite muster up the courage to ask Osamu what happened. Some things are better left unknown.

Anyways, he strutted into the compound like he owned the damned place, and set out to find his erstwhile friend.

He found him holed up in a private room in the tavern playing strip poker with.. himself, he hadn't found any other horndogs around these parts so he had settled for his own Shadow Clones instead and they were a true nightmare to play against for they knew all of his moves but they ALSO knew that he knew that they knew they knew all of his moves so they always decided to do the thing that they knew that he knew that he knew he couldn't figure out. Osamu was certain that this was not at all what his teacher had had in mind when he taught him what was quite possibly the most important and versatile Clone Technique in the entire world.

Osamu grinned as he imagined what that cockwaffler would say if he were to see him now in naught but his boxers losing against himself in a game. It was kind of depressing losing to yourself, what did they have that he didn't? It should be nothing but apparently that wasn't the case. Still the advantages of the Shadow Clone Technique were beyond limit.

By the time his cousin arrived the real Osamu had to use the tablecloth to cower his modesty while his two Shadow Clones were high-fiving and laughing at his misfortune and Osamu noted what an awful winner he was.

Kawakami took one look at the scene and said with mirth, "Is that a kunai you got hidden under there or are you just happy to see me?" Grinning he walked over and despite the state of his cousins undress, gave Osamu a warm welcoming embrace anyway. After a few moments he released Osamu and gave him a once over.

"We have to get you out of this village. All this isolation is driving you stir crazy. Makes me wonder what I'll find you doing next time I visit eh? Anyways, I'll be here for a short while so go on and get yourself fixed up." He looked him up and down.

"Unless you plan on going out like that. But, I'm starving, and I need a drink. Speaking of," Kawakami pulled out a thick golden gourd from his robes. "I managed to grab some exotic wine, lets crack this open, and I'll tell you a few stories. Lots of big players are making moves. With any luck, I might be able to convince the elders to send you out for a show of force. Then we can have some fun!"

Osamu lit up like a candle when he saw his favorite cousin, Kawakami was one of the handful or so legitimately cool people in all of Sunagakure and his prowess with Fuinjutsu was the subject of much discussion amongst a clan that by and large specialized in the practice. He'd given it some attempts himself but he honestly didn't care too much for it even though he had inherited a talent for it all the same, perhaps one day he would sit down and do refine his skills in what he called "doodlework".

There was no need for restraint with his best cousin Kawakami so Osamu eagerly laughed and returned his embrace with such enthusiasm that the tablecloth flew out of his hand and landed on the floor. After this heartfelt gesture he dashed over, picked up his clothes and redressed in a hurry ready for adventure. It would not do to get himself arrested, again. It would be the seventh time just this month and Osamu thought that the Police force was starting to wisen up to his: Oh Noes I Am Going On A Raaaaaampage act, those crafty asswetters.

"I'll be ready in a moment, lets go bust up this city of ballsaggers and toeclippers!"

Kawakami chuckled. "You and your insults are a treasure to this village, brother!" He grinned jovially as Osamu sauntered off to get ready for the day ahead. Reaching into his robes he pulled out a small notebook with a strange character on the front. Placing a finger on the top the character shined faintly before the book itself opened up. Rifling through its pages, Kawakami hummed a Grass Country tune as he settled on examining page of half finished notes.

Some time later he heard a commotion and peered ever so slightly above his book to see what all the fuss was about. He silently prayed that Osamu was at least somewhat dressed for this, they didn't need a repeat of the Three Bars incident. Or maybe they did? Fuck those bastards. Kawakami inwardly sighed, things always got like this when the two of them got together. Its not that they were bad for one another, but it was just so easy to let go of the vengeful protector and relax and enjoy himself when he was around Osamu.

Maybe that's they why he was made a Younin and sent out the village? Wouldn't do to enable the village Jinchuuriki to actually have a life. Well, in the end it didn't matter, he was here now and Osamu was finishing up. Pulled out from his thoughts, Kawakami could only whoop in laughter as the man of the hour finally presented himself.

"You ready?"

Osamu's fashion sense was something that stood in stark contrast to what the village had expected of him for years, it consisted of a crimson body-suit with a large piece of black cloth swung across his shoulders and forming a sash of sorts when it reached his waist, his shirt was as always cut low enough that it exposed much of the extravagant hexagram seal that his grandfather had used to seal the Seven-Tailed Beetle in his body all those years ago which began at his stomach but extended all the way around his body like an especially ornate tattoo. It was a way to tell those blasted dickwabblers to piss the hell off with their attempts to hide him and pretend like he didn't exist.

The commotion in question was about how one of the patrons in the back, who Osamu knew to be a disguised ANBU agent sent to watch him in disguise, had suddenly dropped his pants and underpants completely out of nowhere, leaving his tenders exposed to the whole tavern and causing a terrible ruckus as he was swiftly thrown out. No one seemed to notice the thin yellow tail that retracted from the crime scene over the yells and hollers of startled customers. It retracted stealthily back to Osamu and then vanished.

He grinned at his cousin.

"Super Hidden Maneuver 16: Flash-Rod-Jingle executed."

Kawakami couldn't help, he let out a whoop of laughter. Now that they two were ready, it was time to take to the town. The pair having gotten themselves into a trickster state decided that it would be good idea to instead start pranking the ever loving spirits of the denizens. Using their speed to slip by unnoticed save for the occasional member of ANBU or perceptive shinobi, they spiked drinks, replaced high quality merchandise with poor quality look alike's, and on one strange occasion, swapped out the entire interior of one home with another.

Having had that kind of fun, Osamu suggested in a not so subtle jab at the village council to steal, then re-arrange the schedules of the elders the following day. This time they were stopped, briefly by ANBU before said member was momentarily incapacitated and left dangling from a village elders ceiling by a series of ropes, and tied up like someone interested into some rope-play. The ensuing pictures, complete with Osamu using the Transformation technique to act the part only made the spectacle even more hilarious when those same images were spread among the other members.

Finally, it was decided that to kick off their night, Kawakami was firmly in the camp of getting together some lads and ladies for a most sensual evening. Fortunately a traveling theatre group was in town, and had finished their play. Osamu secured a residence, while Kawakami gathered the drinks and food. What happened next is a testament to the reputation of the vitality and vigor of the Uzumaki, as the entirety of the trope were left in various states of such physical exhaustion, that several had to be hospitalized.

It was now in the waking morning, and liberal use of the, Uzumaki Hidden Technique: Get-Anbu-To-Clean-Our-Shit technique, the pair had drunkenly returned to their quarters.

"What a night!" Kawakami boasted.

Osamu's night had evidently not yet ended as he lied spread-eagle in the middle of the bed sunny-side up as it were and snored with enough force to blast a door from its hinges, perhaps it was a side-effect of having the Seven-Tailed Beetle sealed inside him or perhaps the cause was entirely natural but it was what it was. Sometimes he'd mumble something incoherrent about boxers, potatoes and hidden treasures with a lewd grin on his face.

"Mmm.. such roundness and plumpness.. you're a real whisserbisser aren't you? Hmrmrmrm.. indeed you are..."

The Jinchuriki was a fairly restless sleeper which was why he usually secured a whole bed all to himself whenever possible as he kicked and tossed about like an infant in a crib while drooling all over both pillows and blankets. It was hardly a graceful sight to be sure but seeing as these quarters actually belonged to a fellow ANBU member it really didn't matter, Kazuo deserved everything he got and more for all of the nonsense he'd put him through.

Eventually Osamu awoke with a long and highly exagerrated yawn and spoke in a strangely dark but simultaneously lighthearted tune. Which he then replied to moments afterwards in his normal sounding voice.

""Ohayooo~landlord-samaaaa! Oh... good morning Beetlemaster Fly-Fly."