Uncle Chum

Fanart by Shyranno

Cholmondley Featherstonehaugh, the 8th Earl of Flutterbury, resides at Merryweather Manor with his sister Matilda and his son Marmaduke. He lives next door to Tabby.

He might have been a Dormouse.

## Physical Appearance

He has recently grown a mustache that he waxes the ends of. Aunt Matilda describes as a 'regular soup-strainer' and ask the Jolly Good Person to tell him to shave it off.

Uncle Chum notes he should probably get a haircut.

## Hobbies

### Tin soldiers

Uncle Chum likes to paint tin soldiers. He makes his own brushes by plucking out almost all the strands from a large paintbrush. Then he attaches a magnifying glass near his eyes so he can peer at them to get at the fine details. He uses a sort of clip on his hat, and the magnifying glass hangs down in front of his face.

He uses his bookshelves to display some of his tin soldiers, setting them up to make almost a little war. He recently purchased a very light infantryman which he painted to look a bit like him as a younger man. He also has a three musketeer with a plumed hat, and he painted his tabard with a fleur-de-lis.

### Writing

Aunt Matilda says he'd rather pretend to write his book than go to the opera.

## Appetite

### Chapter 1

Aunt Matilda complains that Uncle Chum ate three dozen cream horns in a single evening that she had specifically made for her charity dinner. When she inquired as to how he was able to do so, he simply patted his stomach and said "they were tasty."

### Chapter 2

Uncle Chum will mention that he had a nice plum brandy cake the night before.

### Chapter 4

Uncle Chum is drinking a glass of orange juice.

### Chapter 6

He wipes up a wine spill with a rag and squeezes it out into a bud vase before proceeding to drink it.

## Cakes and Ale

### Chapter 1

Uncle Chum can be quite useful. The Jolly Good Person can tell Millicent that he will pay the finding fee, although this will negatively affect their relationship. Likewise, they can tell Inspector Ambrose to cease accusing them of doing something nefarious as it would embarrass their uncle.

Later in the chapter, the Jolly Good Person will find a letter from their Uncle, which contains both a cheque and a card wishing them a Happy Birthday, even though the Jolly Good Person's birthday will not be for five months. The player can chose to write a thank you note.

### Chapter 2

The Jolly Good Person can call their Uncle. During the phone call, Uncle Chum blithely notes that there is a fire in the center of the room and that it did not go out after he poured brandy on it or after he tried to puff it out. He also throws books at it. This can have happened either because he was using one of the larger logs in the fireplace for a bit of terrain to display it next to the tin soldiers or alternatively, it could have been because the sunbeams went through his magnifying glasses as he was painting his tin soldiers, which restarted the fire in the fireplace. In either case, he moved the burning log to the carpet.

A widow also broke as a result of him swinging the fire poker around to try to move the burning log back into the fireplace, but Uncle Chum sees this as a lucky thing, as it allows the smoke to go out. Although he has gone to the highest shelf of the bookshelf, he is relatively blasé about the entire situation.

The Jolly Good Person can also have asked Uncle Chum to pay off their bills while they were tipsy. He was confused and annoyed about the situation, and appeared to think he was ordering a subscription to a set of encylopedias. Another favor that can be asked of Uncle Chum is to ask them to vouch for their character when Detective Wyvle accuses the Jolly Good Person of stealing. Unfortunately, Uncle Chum manages to go off on a tangent about many different things including his socks, his lunch, what color uniforms they wore at the Battle of Biscuit Bay, his crossword, and his dream.

### Chapter 4

The Jolly Good Person can ask Uncle Chum to wire them some money to save the Noble Gases. At that particular moment, Uncle Chum is listening to the wireless radio, but it is very loud because, while he was adjusting the volume knob, it flew out and into his glass of juice. He was unable to find it and tried to unplug the radio, but his hands were wet with orange juice and got an electrical shock. His hair caught on fire. As such, he had to dump the whole glass of orange juice on his head to put out the fire and the volume knob fell down the back of his shirt.

If the Jolly Good Person wrote and posted a thank you letter, then they will be wired the money. If not, they will be unsuccessful as Uncle Chum runs off to grab the volume knob from a large squirrel.

### Chapter 5

Uncle Chum can write a check for Periwrinkle Wigglesworth.

At time time of the phone call, Uncle Chum says he was making a diaroma and had very strong glue. As a result, he got his hand glued to the comforter cover and tore it, resulting in feathers everywhere. Because he had the ceiling fan on, they distributed everywhere. He cannot reach the pull bell because he is also stuck to the bed frame. He has been stuck in that position for an hour and has tried to pass time by reading, which has largely been unsuccessful as the book is stuck together and he has been on the same page. He also got some glue in his mouth and cannot open it as wide as usual.

### Chapter 6

Although Uncle Chum was meant to attend the opera, he does not. When the Jolly Good Person calls him, he talks about how he was thinking that if he just cut the neck of the bottle off with a sharp scissors, he could bypass the cork. The scissors didn’t work, so he tried the hatchet behind the shed. They worked, but because he had laid down the bottle on the nightstand, he cut right into the nightstand as well, and couldn’t get the hatchet out. He put down the wine, which was broken, causing there to be wine and bits of glass everywhere.

He then put both hands on the hatchet handle, and pulled until it came free but the hatchet flew out of his hands and flew right past the vicar who was walking in the door, out to the bicycle, where it flattened his front tire.

He then mentions he wants to break ice, and can’t find the icepick. This is because the last time he tried to make a scotch on the rocks the ice was much too big. He had to push it and the glass cracked.

Recently, he also went outside to dig up the sunflower seed he had dropped on the East lawn, thinking that if it grew, it would look better under the dining room window, and there was a tree with a hornets' nest in it, and they were swarming round him. He had to hightail it into the duck pond and breathe through a hollow reed for hours. However, it turns out they were not hornets but acorns falling from an oak tree.

During the phone call, he is looking at a cookbook that the Jolly Good Person has gifted him, which he believes to be a photo album. He confuses a photo of a moussaka with his late mother.

If his relationship statistics is greater or equal to 40, he will reveal that he hid a treasure at the opera house. He hid a treasure under the tiles behind the statue of Medusa in the Grand Foyer. The Jolly Good Person will find a small wooden case marked with the words "Cholmondley." Inside the box, there is a smooth, flat rock, painted fancifully with red and blue stripes. This rock can be thrown at the thief, and it will strike the back of his head, causing him to fall to the floor of the stage.

A few of his embarrassing moments are described. He once dropped his house key down the well while he was chasing a pig and also got flustered as the speaker of honor during a graduation ceremony and ended up setting all of the diplomas on fire.

### Chapter 7

If the Jolly Good Person placed a bet they are unable to pay, they can direct Chef Beauregard to collect money from Uncle Chum.

If the Jolly Good Person gave the private phone number of Uncle Chum to Ragged Peter to play telephone pranks in Chapter 6, Aunt Matilda will note that he has been plagued by telephone calls from "young rascals" who insist on asking him whether there is an "Amanda Hugandkiss" or a "Pierre Pants" present in the manor.

## Relationships

### Aunt Zelda

When Uncle Chum was a child, Aunt Zelda offered him and Aunt Matilda a choice of butterscotch and peppermint sweets, and Aunt Matilda insisted upon the butterscotch. Uncle Chum was content with the peppermint.

She has been dead for fifty years now.

### Figaro Fairfield

In order to help Vyv, the Jolly Good Person can tell Figs that Uncle Chum is interested in offering his patronage in Chapter 6.

### Gilberto Ordoñez

The Ordoñez family was great with vast estates in Spain until a series of fires, famines, and other catastrophes forced them to rebuild in England. They spent Gilberto's childhood pulling themselves out of ruin. They borrowed money from Uncle Chum but were unable to repay him. After they managed to come up with the sum, it was stolen. Uncle Chum never mentioned it again, but Gilberto hopes to repay him someday.

### The Jolly Good Person

When they visited their Uncle Chum at Merryweather Manor, they used to feed the chickens together and have a pony ride.

### Liam/Imogen Fitzwalter

Fitzie notes that they would like to meet him. They've spoken to him a few times on the phone, mostly when Uncle Chum calls up to order soap as he seems to have the Jolly Good Person's number mixed up with his soap supplier. Sometimes Fitzie pretends to be a soap salesperson and has been on the phone with him up to three hours as they describe fragrances and colors.

### Magnus Firesnuff

Uncle Chum notes that when he was young, he had a scandal when he and Magnus were just starting out in the world.

### Marmaduke Featherstonehaugh

Marmaduke wishes to prove himself to his father. Uncle Chum may wish that his son had the same panache as the Jolly Good Person.

### Matilda Featherstonehaugh

Aunt Matilda considers Uncle Chum to be empty-headed and forgetful. She criticises him quite regularly; in particular, she is haunted by his mustache and wishes he would clean the wine cellar. She is the reason as to why Uncle Chum has a phone. He didn't want one but Aunt Matilda insisted and Uncle Chum let her because he learned a long time ago to let her have what she likes.

In Chapter 2, if the Jolly Good Person endorses the coffeehouse, she will ask Uncle Chum to write a large cheque in order to invest some money with the proprietor.

### Mopsie

She once danced with Uncle Chum when she was ten. She broke a vase when he spun her around, and he was nice enough to take the blame.

### Tabby St. Clair

Uncle Chum was very kind to her when she attended balls and cocktails parties. He was nice to sit near for a while, but Tabby thinks he would rather be left alone.

When she was younger, she shattered Uncle Chum's priceless vase during a game of hide-and-go-seek.

### Uncle Samuel

He was a world traveler who tried to go to the North Pole with a sled pulled by St. Benedict's dogs. He had magnificent hair that was thick and luxurious. He passed away by falling down an old well on Uncle Chum's property.

## Quotes by Uncle Chum

"*Did you know the word 'tomorrow' is an adverb? I lost a lot of money betting that it wasn't, and lo and behold it is, according to the knife grinder.*" (Chapter 2)

"*Ah, I received your thank you letter. You called me hirsute. How did you know?*" (Chapter 2)

"*Fine performances are fine things. One doesn't like to get into white tie, though. Are people wearing white tie?*" (Chapter 6)

## Quotes about Uncle Chum

"*Your uncle seems to be the sort of man who wouldn't much notice if he were talking to a department store dummy*." (Fitzie, Chapter 2)

"*Once my Uncle Chum thought he saw a wasp in his bedroom, but it turned out to just be a bit of fluff from his pillow*." (The Jolly Good Person, Chapter 3)

"*I have heard that your uncle, Lord Cholmondley, or as you call him, 'Uncle Chum,' is by far the most mutton-headed and foolish gentleman in all of the British Isles. A discredit to the peerage, to your family as a whole, and particularly to you, I should imagine*." (Pipsy Swell, Chapter 6)

"*I know him a bit. I saw him from afar once at a pie-eating contest, I think*." (Figs, Chapter 6)

"*He's a delightful old lamb*." (Tabby, Chapter 6)