Battle of Golgolod

Casualties| Joseph AbernathyJulie FlowersLady ValoraLord Ressammes | * Virtually all the NoHeads
	+ Lin Dire
	+ General Karth
	+ Cate Lilly
	+ Mr. Crooked NoHead
	+ Mr. Despised NoHead
	+ Mr. Formidable NoHead
	+ Mrs. Gruesome NoHead
	+ Mrs. Wretched NoHead
	+ Ms. Vulgar NoHead

"*Sebiscuits, did I ever tell you that there used to be many NoHeads? Paige led the police to ambush and massacre them. At age 9! [...] Only one survived. And I'm sure you know who that was.*"
―Baby Intelligence explains the Purge to Sebiscuits[src]
The **Battle of Golgolod**, which took place in 2023 immediately before the end of Lily Elazar's War and was also known as the **Great Battle** or the **Battle to End All Battles**, was the last conflict of the war. After wandering around the front of the NoHead base and nearly being killed for it, a child named Paige Nelson rallied the Police Grand Army to help her destroy them. Together, Nelson and the police stormed the NoHead base. This massacre marked the end of the NoHeads. Every single NoHead was killed except for Mr. Stupid NoHead and his sons. He managed to drive the police out, and within thirty-five minutes of the Purge’s inception, most of the NoHeads were wiped out.

During the fighting, Nelson altered a beacon that alerted any NoHeads who were not home to return to the base to assist the besieged NoHeads of a Grand Army ambush, where a garrison of officers lay in wait to finish them off. All of the NoHeads complied and were killed by squads of police. With the operation’s completion, the bodies of the slain NoHeads were publicly burned in a massive pyre.

## Background

In August, in the summer of 2023, Paige Nelson, now nearing her ninth birthday, woke up in the middle of the night and chose to go on a walk. During this, she saw a group of NoHeads led by Mr. Crooked NoHead rendezvousing at the entrance of their base. Listening in, Nelson figured enough to learn that the master was planning to annihilate the Jade Sanctum with detonators in a crucial step to retake the Solar System. Nelson thought she must report this to the Police Grand Army at once, but before she could successfully flee Mr. Crooked NoHead caught her eavesdropping. Mr. Crooked NoHead welcomed her into the room and, after a brief confrontation, attempted to kill her. Paige Nelson managed to flee the base, and rallied the message to the police.

Paige rallied the Police Grand Army and convinced them to help her destroy the NoHead menace once and for all. To do this, she also brought up an invasion on the Town Hall that had been narrowly backfired, as well as the burning of Superhero University.

Before the Great Battle commenced, Sheriff Bladepoint informed the leader of the Council of Outcasts, Lady Valora, of the upcoming massacre and asked her if she found it wise to do. Valora agreed, though she pointed out that it would be unwise to risk the entire army in a single battle. Bladepoint pointed out that because they would use their whole army, there was no risk. Valora agreed, though she still felt that Bladepoint underestimated the strength of Mr. Stupid NoHead. Nevertheless, she brought along the other members of the Council.

## Battle

### The battle begins

Paige Nelson and the police were transported to Golgolod in several police cruisers that stayed over the city throughout the operation. Valora appeared around this time, bringing the members of the Council of Outcasts. Marching silently to the gates of the base with the police, Paige was met by Gate Master Lin Dire, whom Paige killed. She then led the police inside. After entering the base, Paige then demanded that one NoHead draw a sword and be killed, claiming that the NoHeads’ plot to overthrow the free peoples of the Solar System had failed. Paige killed the NoHead, took his sword, and proceeded to stalk through the halls. She eliminated any NoHeads she encountered while destroying any floating orbs and robot soldiers she met that were guarding Golgolod.

As the police dispersed throughout the base’s vaulted halls at Sheriff Bladepoint’s direction, Nelson took a small group of policemen to capture the communication center. There, Hell Burnbottom, weary from research, awoke to smoke and a battle raging in the base. Seeing the police in the halls surrounding the control center, he felt their intent and fled deep into the base.

Upon approaching the library, the police called Paige and said they were on their way to regroup with her. Paige then engaged two NoHeads in sword combat. Despite her relative lack of experience, Paige was able to defeat them. Paige then ordered the police to go and destroy their ships to ensure none escaped. Paige rooted the dormitories for any survivors, yet she found none, to her satisfaction. Thinking quickly, Paige posted police at all exits to ensure that no NoHeads could leave or enter to aid the NoHeads. Paige rooted out any remaining NoHeads that were hidden in the library while the troops placed themselves.

Hell Burnbottom sensed his grandmother’s death. In tandem, he also identified Paige as the perpetrator of this massacre. This heightened his will to survive, which he did by utilizing passageways he had learned of from Mr. Stupid NoHead earlier.

### Operation

The police charged into the foyer to meet with heavy resistance from NoHead personnel, eventually clearing the foyer of resistance. They were then ordered to pacify an underground chamber and defend computer files from NoHeads that were trying to destroy them until a content download could be performed to capture needed information. But as soon as the police had done so, a NoHead activated a force field that trapped Paige.

Once Sheriff Bladepoint had disabled the shields, Paige Nelson was able to kill the NoHead. After cutting down a squad of robots, Nelson used a force field to break her way into a study hall, where her party eliminated several NoHead students. When N-99 fighters were launched in an attempt to cut down the police, Paige boarded a one-man fighter and pursued, commandeering an anti-aircraft gun and shooting them down before they could cause trouble. Once she finished off the last ship, she flew the fighter to the communication center at the summit of the astronomy tower. She altered and broadcast a beacon ordering all NoHeads to return to the NoHead base on Mr. Crooked NoHead’s command because the base was in danger, leading any who heeded the call to their death at the hands of the police. Meanwhile, Mr. Crooked NoHead managed to penetrate upper-level defenses, and Paige chose to deal with him, ordering nearby police to guard the beacon with their lives.

Before tracking down Mr. Crooked NoHead, Nelson made her way to a series of briefing rooms, where Mrs. Gruesome NoHead confronted Paige and engaged her in a duel. Jumping on a catwalk, Gruesome attempted to escape, but Paige fired a force field that slammed her through a wall and plummeting to the ground outside.

As he made his way to a mysterious vault, General Karth battled Julie Flowers and Amber Moss when they got in his way. He spat acid at Flowers' forehead, killing her and infuriating Moss. Just as he was preparing to deal with her, his focus was soon fixed on young Alice Shinner. During the fight, Karth easily overpowered Shinner and threw her to the ground. Suddenly, Defacles emerged out of nowhere and threw a mine at Karth. He dodged, and Shinner threw it into a boot. The shoe exploded, sending Karth and Defacles flying against the roof, causing Karth to bust his head open while Shinner saved Defacles' life, doubly paying her debt to him.

"*Nomasma, gool."
"Your council has interfered for the last time, insectoid dross.*"
―The Object confronts Mr. Stupid NoHead[src]
The Object personally led the Diagonal Guard, which directly encountered Mr. Stupid NoHead. The Object confronted him, who asserted that the Council had interfered for the last time and telekinetically manipulated a fire to work as a weapon against his enemies, sending balls and bursts of black fire towards his enemies, annihilating the squad. The Object escaped the inferno, but barely.

As the remaining NoHeads realized that the base was lost, they began to escape through the Base Precinct. Paige made her way to the base of the fortress, where she found Mr. Crooked NoHead guarding a group of fleeing students he had been instructing in sword combat in Room B-114. After murdering two of NoHead’s trainees, the girl entered a duel with the NoHead Master alongside his remaining student. After some time dueling, NoHead ordered the student to retreat, beginning to duel Paige personally. Paige killed the NoHead by hurling him into a wall via missile. The squad of police accompanying Paige then blasted at the other students that Crooked was protecting, killing them.

### The raid continues

Mordo was assigned to protect a group of trainees. Paige Nelson caught him doing this and initiated a duel with him. After briefly dueling Nelson, Mordo was killed. At that same moment, Mr. Despised NoHead sought out Paige Nelson, but he was cut off by Mr. Stupid NoHead himself, as the Dark Lord was seeking Paige Nelson.

Nelson made her way to the data room, where she was confronted by Mr. Despised NoHead. During the fight, Despised taunted and provoked Nelson, hoping that she would make a mistake and give him an advantage. Unfortunately for him, Nelson was able to tire and corner the young NoHead, trapping him in the training room. In desperation, he used telekinesis to throw a huge pillar between him and his attacker to make an escape. However, Nelson dodged the attack and followed him up on a balcony. After a short battle against the girl, Despised managed to pin Nelson to a door and attempted to cut her in half. Nelson ducked under his strike, causing him to slice through the door instead.

Before the exhausted Mr. Despised NoHead could attack Nelson again, the nine-year-old used a force field to redirect the door upon him, crushing him outright.

Meanwhile, the police secured the Central Meeting Room and fought the NoHead Security Force in the main hall. Paige then returned from her duel with Mr. Crooked NoHead and commended the police. As they focused the brunt of their attack on the hall, three NoHeads, one of whom was an alien, entered the main hall in a final attempt to repel the police. The NoHeads came out in a sudden charge against the police, but despite their assault, the three were eventually killed along with their allies by the cops. Paige ascended an elevator to search the dormitories for more survivors, and it was there that she found an entire clan of students. A young boy, Ort Hickson, asked Paige why she was attacking the base. In answer, Paige executed the entire group.

### The death of Valora

Eventually, Mr. Stupid NoHead saw Lady Valora on camera going for RC-3 with Ressammes covering her by scouting the area for hiding NoHeads. When NoHead sought out Valora, she surprised him with a Slashing Effect, which sliced him in the chin. Furious, NoHead and Valora briefly grappled with each other until Valora had pinned him down. NoHead attempted to place her under Mind control, but Valora was far too strong for him. Valora pulled out her sword, but NoHead pulled her head down by her hair. He taunted Valora about saving him from Verpus. Valora spat in his face, making his eyes flash with rage.

A moment later, Mr. Formidable NoHead quickly grabbed Valora telekinetically and held her in midair suspended. He shouted at Valora, stating that she had some nerve attempting to kill NoHead. Helplessly, Valora screamed for Ressammes, possibly trying to send him a telepathic link. Formidable violently smashed her into the ground and, cackling, killed her with a Death beam. Ressammes ran to her, because he heard her calling, but Valora died in Ressammes' arms as Ressammes begged at Valora to stay with him.

After hiding for some time, Mr. Stupid NoHead made for the control bunker to learn the password that Paige Nelson had changed. Now that he had acquired it, he headed down to find the police.

### End of the Great Battle

After the Grand Army was finished with their mission, they located Nelson and prepared to leave. However, upon Nelson's arrival, Mr. Stupid NoHead arrived and, still hiding in the shadows, telekinetically closed the doors of the bunker, trapping the police within. He then disarmed Paige Nelson before leaping before his adversaries, revealing himself and wielding the fabled Verasect. Sheriff Bladepoint fired on him, but NoHead deflected the blasts and injured Bladepoint terribly. Wielding the Verasect, Mr. Stupid NoHead began to attack them. Abernathy lunged at the Dark Lord and slashed at him, but Mr. Stupid NoHead retaliated with a powerful punch that sent him through trees. Abernathy quickly recovered, however, and lunged at Mr. Stupid NoHead, failing to realize he had created a wormhole nearby. The NoHead Grandmaster hurled Abernathy through the portal directly into the lava within the City Volcano. The Grand Army was ultimately forced to flee from him.

## Aftermath

Paige Nelson went to Golgolod months after the massacre to retrieve some information on rumored data pads that had possibly been hidden somewhere in the library’s vaults. Upon reflection, Paige felt guilty for all the killings, but still she believed that her actions were like any duty she had performed before: she had completed it to the best of her ability and felt no remorse for any of those she killed. In fact, she felt that her mission was more righteous than anything she had done for her friends. In reality, Paige had gone to the NoHead base to accept the killings committed there, so she could move past it, becoming stronger, and so that she would become docile in her current life.

Around that time, Mr. Stupid NoHead, who was determined to repair the damage and return the NoHeads to dominance, recovered the corpse of his father, Mr. Crooked NoHead, and realized he was the new master of the NoHeads. Thanks to NoHead, a new organization of robot soldiers surfaced on New York City in 2024, a resistance against the government. These robots attacked the government in the State Capitol. Some of the people present even joined the robot organization. Nevertheless, the police took down the resistance with Sheriff Bladepoint’s help. Because NoHead had “disappeared”, everyone believed the robots were acting without orders, despite Bladepoint’s protests.

Following the battle, every official recording of the battle was erased and the Base remained virtually untouched as a monument to the government’s power as well as a warning to their enemies, with the primary exception of the NoHead library. The room’s contents were stripped bare, looted, or vandalized beyond any chance of retrieval as time passed after the Operation. The only official records of the battle came from printed sources, more specifically an article on the police by Commander Max Tennar, included in a Handbook. No battle damage or vandalism was ever repaired. The only addition was a landing platform, made to replace the destroyed hangar, which jutted out of the side of the structure. The building was used to store swords taken from many slain NoHeads, among them Mrs. Wretched NoHead’s - that is, until NoHead recovered them and used them as emergency blades. Eventually, NoHead charged Mean King with finding duplicate examples of documents recovered from the ruined Archives to authenticate the findings.

The presumed "Battle to End All Battles" did not ended any battle, as mankind would continued investing in warfare and starting other battles such as the Battle of Clock Castle or the Battle at the Temple of the Relinquished.

## Fatalities

* Joseph Abernathy
* Julie Flowers
* General Karth
* Lin Dire
* Mordo
* Mr. Crooked NoHead
* Mr. Despised NoHead
* Mr. Formidable NoHead
* Mrs. Gruesome NoHead
* Mrs. Wretched NoHead
* Ms. Vulgar NoHead
* Ort Hickson
* Lady Valora
* Virtually all the NoHeads

## Behind the scenes

While the event was introduced in *Sebiscuits: Apocalypse*, its name went unknown until November 21, 2016. There, D. Isaac Thomas explained that Paige was tough, but not in a way that was particularly terrifying and continued with *"...the Battle of Golgolod showed that she's willing to commit genocide if pressured into it. [...] A purge like that needs a official name among in-universe history, right?"*

## Author's comments

*"It is my belief that the Battle of Golgolod showed that she's willing to commit genocide if pressured into it. [...] A purge like that needs a official name among in-universe history, right?"*

## References

1. ↑ 1.00 1.01 1.02 1.03 1.04 1.05 1.06 1.07 1.08 1.09 1.10 1.11 1.12 1.13 1.14 1.15 1.16 1.17 1.18 1.19 Cite error: Invalid `<ref>` tag; no text was provided for refs named `BTS5`
2. ↑ *Superquack: Relapse of Power*
3. ↑ *Boys vs. Girls 2*
4. ↑ Cite error: Invalid `<ref>` tag; no text was provided for refs named `S2`