Weapons

There are three types of weapons; Fast, Heavy and Ranged. Fast weapons are swords, Heavy weapons are maces and hammers, and Ranged weapons are all magic wands, despite the tooltip that implies crossbows.

There are orange Chests in the world that can be found to acquire *Rare* and *Legendary* versions of whatever you have equipped. *Rare* will boost the damage by 25%, while *Legendary* will increase the damage by 50%.

Sir Whoopass can block a single strike from an enemy, regardless of direction. The enemy who hits while blocking will stagger, and the next few strikes on them will be doubled in damage as a critical.

### Fast

* Your-First-WeaponTM
	+ The one and only first weapon, every game needs one!
	+ Unlocked at level 1, deals 9 damage.
* Small Ass Sword
	+ It is said size doesn't matter, this sword begs to differ.
	+ Unlocked at level 2, deals 14 damage.
* Big-Ass SwordTM
	+ Worse than stubbing your toe whilst falling head first into a combine harvester.
	+ Unlocked at level 3, deals 20 damage.
* FoolSplitterTM
	+ I pity the fool.
	+ Unlocked at level 5, deals 46 damage.
* CrispynatorTM
	+ Slice, dice and grill!
	+ Unlocked at level 5, deals 138 normal and 138 fire damage.
* Excalibur
	+ Divine punishment at your fingertips!
	+ Unlocked at level 9, deals 359 normal and 359 fire damage.

### Heavy

When pressing Shift and LMB by default, Sir Whoopass performs a heavy smash, which deals extra damage. It has a short cooldown period with an onscreen meter. The weapon will also glow blue when able to perform the heavy smash again. Heavy weapons are also used to break certain rocks, useful for uncovering Chests in the overworld and progressing through Ruins.

* Spineripper, Destroyer of Dreams
	+ A legacy from Melisande. Great for transforming orc into bolognese.
	+ Unlocked at level 1, deals 15 damage.
* ShatterSkull
	+ Instant migraine atop a long metal pole.
	+ Unlocked at level 4, deals 51 damage.
* Earthshaker
	+ Shaken, not stirred.
	+ Unlocked at level 6, deals 114 damage.
* Regret
	+ Your enemies will regret they were born. Or, if they think about it some more, regret that you were ever born.
	+ Unlocked at level 8, deals 256 damage.
* Holy Shit
	+ When you absolutely, positively have to kill every motherf-er in the room!
	+ Unlocked at level 10, deals 577 damage.
	+ Deals wide area knockback and includes a straight line of broken earth that also deals damage to whatever it hits.

### Ranged

Generally sets enemies on fire. These mostly launch projectiles with a small splash radius, although the radius gets larger for higher level weapons. Does not affect certain enemies that have fireproof icons, e.g. Ork Witch Doctors.

* Twinkle
	+ Filled to the brim with "awesome" burning fury. has unlimited ammunition though.
	+ Unlocked at level 1, deals 1 damage.
* Chickenator
	+ Cockadoodledoo! What would happen when an enemy is hit? Consumes 5 eggs at a time.
	+ Unlocked at level 1, deals 1 damage.

* Flaming Fury
	+ 5 Billion Scoville!
	+ Unlocked at level 4, deals 34 fire damage.
* Lava Launcher
	+ Great for roasting marshmallows and foes alike.
	+ Unlocked at level 6, deals 76 fire damage.
* Incinerator
	+ Turns your foes into fun little fireworks of gore. Pop pop!
	+ Unlocked at level 8, deals 173 fire damage.
* BFS9000
	+ Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it wasn't completely obliterated by this bad boy.
	+ Unlocked at level 10, deals 462 fire damage.
	+ Appears to be hitscan, rather than a slow moving projectile.