DuccTales/Original Story

Life is a like a hurricane in this bitch of a city.
  Though reasonable hours of the night have begun to give way to the less reasonable ones, I'm in the kind of business which necessitates a few late shifts. This happens to be one such night.

  In the meanwhile, a TV in the corner of the office hums quietly, as the volume has been turned so low that it would be indiscernible in any environment other than the absolute silence of the night. Right now, it's just loud enough to gain my attention. "Here in Duckburg..." a news anchor announces, clearly shifting into his nightly news spiel, "Dozens of race cars have been put on display at the local auto show. Tickets to the show are priced at..."

  I'm barely paying attention, and the reporter's drivel has me dozing off. However, from the edge of the room, I hear the doorknob begin to jiggle. My eyes jerk to the door, focused like lasers, and I cautiously await to see who enters.

  It's not someone I know personally, but I think I may be familiar with them in passing. Their deep purple coat and cape compliment an equally purple hat and a purple mask around his eyes. His purpleness knows no bounds.

  "How unexpected to see Duckburg's most famous costumed vigilante enter my humble detective agency," I greet, half for cordiality, and half to probe to make sure my assumption is correct.

  "You give me too much credit," Darkwing Duck replies, "I'm just a humble duck trying to make a living."

  "Pull up a chair," I offer, gesturing my open palm towards a seat poised slightly off-centered on the opposite side of the desk I sit at. He takes the opportunity to slide into the chair and get comfortable.

  "I'll get right down to business. As of 6:30 pm this evening, an unregistered aeroplane took a flight path right over Florida. More specifically, Disney World."

  "Is that what brings you here into my office?"

  "Guess which company just reported major theft of a movie."

  "You're kidding," I brush aside, "You're telling me a plane just flew over Disney World and stole one of their movies?"

  "No matter how unbelievable it may be, that's the information we've got right now. We were able to track the plane until it reached the Bermuda Triangle, where we lost it on radar. Someone has to get in there and get that movie back. And you better believe I'm the first one they called to set things straight."

  "So you've come to me to request my services?"

  "I believe you and I both have resources and skills which could benefit the other, and the two of us working together will make quick work of whatever shady dealings are going on"

  I hold my chin and narrow my eyes in deep contemplation.

  "I'll let you think on it for a few minutes," he answers, before shifting his speech to a lighter tone of piqued curiosity, "Quick question, though. Why aren't you a duck?"

  "Because I'm Spider-Man," I answer back.

  "But isn't everyone in Duckburg supposed to be a duck?" he presses.

  I look down at myself and see my usual red and blue costume with the web-designs over it. "Nope. Spider-Man," I repeat.

  "Have you ever *been* a duck?" he keeps up the pressure.

  "Hmm," I consider, "Maybe. My memory's a bit, well... it's a duck-blur."

  "Maybe you could be a duck if you tried," he suggests.

  "I think I'm good," I politely decline.

  The two of us are silent for three or four seconds before Darkwing shrugs. "Hmm. Suit yourself. But, do you have an answer for this particular proposition? If we team up, we might solve a mystery..."

  "I'm a bit uneasy with the whole scenario, to be truthful," I admit, "But I guess I've got to pay the bills somehow. I'm in."

  The two of us shake hands. "It's an honor to work with you, Spidey," Darkwing Duck announces modestly.

  Though a new partnership has been forged, my uneasiness has yet to subside... something tells me that this is going to be a long, long night...

  On a deserted island in the Atlantic, an aeroplane laid parked outside of the entrance to a dark, obsidian cave. Fluorescent lights illuminated as much as they could, leaving a sight of several cones of white light almost engulfed completely by the dark unknown. From what little that could be seen from those lights, one could tell that the most expensive pieces of technology and equipment money could possibly buy were mixed and blended seamlessly with the rocky, natural interior. A carefully constructed secret lair, oozing a sense of danger.

  An older gentleduck of fifty or so paced back and forth with impatience. Though he dressed impeccably and kept his lengthy beard well groomed, he had a crotchety look to himself which matched his very disposition. A second duck entered the dark room, hoisting some sort of crate. This immediately caught the attention of the pacing duck, who addressed the other. As he spoke, his words rang with an interesting accent of undetermined ethnic origin. "So, ya old fool... ya got the goods, yes?" he snarled with frustration.

  The response came from a thick, Scottish voice, belonging to a duck of similar physical appearance and age to the first. He wore a dashing blue shirt, and a very prominent top hat above his head. "A'course aye did, ya looney tune."

  The top hat duck slung the crate atop a long table with a light hanging above it, evoking the sense of surgeons at an operating table. Cracking the box open revealed that it contained a large movie reel of physical footage. The outermost ring of the film reel read *An Extremely Goofy Movie*. Upon checking the goods, he carefully sealed it back within the crate.

  "About time," the first duck grumbled, "Let's get on with it! Aye finished my part hours ago. Been waitin on yer laggin behind to get back from Florida the whole time."

  The duck with the top hat sneered. The two ducks walked a ways across the expansive room towards a gigantic fixture. It looked the part to be part of the set of a science fiction film, and indeed it would fit the part once it would be switched on to fulfill its purpose. Looking upon the large installation, the top hat duck tried to hide his awe. "Well ya've certainly been busy. Hope ya built the damn thing correctly."

  "Yew can bet yer lucky dime it's built perfectly. Aye've been hard at work the whole time finishin it... despite a few untimely distractions..."

  There was a human male of average age and build in a chair nearby. Though in his physical prime, he looked worse for wear compared to the elderly-yet-dapper ducks also in the room. From the dripping blood and signs of abuse, one could assume he had gone through several, ruthless beatings. "Aye, what's the story behind this'un?" the top hat duck asked.

  "While ye were gon, this here 'secret agent' tried to sneak in," the first duck explained.

  The human had dark black hair and wore a deep, classy tuxedo. Even in his tattered state, his style and mannerisms all helped him to maintain an air of debonair. His voice was unmistakably accented--his voice felt iconic, even--and his strong presence as an individual gave him an air of calm superiority despite his ragged condition. "So. A top hat that distinct with that wealthy style of dress could only belong to Scrooge McDuck. And based on your terse relationship, I can deduce the one in the beard to be Flintheart Glomgold. I suppose I should consider it an honor to bear witness to the first ever collaboration between the first and second richest ducks in the world. I had been lead to believe you two were mortal enemies."

  "To address your concerns... some things are more important than petty rivalries. I'll work with whoever it takes to see this plan come to fruition."

  "And ye can best believe we won't let any interlopers try an stop us," Glomgold asserted aggressively.

  "We'll let ya go after, ya have my word," Scrooge, promised, "It makes no difference ta us. Nothing in this world will make a difference once we're on our way... nothing but this here film," he mentioned, with a hint of nostalgia. But we're takin that with us when we make the jump. So just butt out and let us do what we came here to do."

  "Fer once the delusional ol' Scrooge the stooge an I can agree on somethin," Glomgold muttered.

  "It's the only reason I'd work with a demented miser like you," Scrooge snapped back, inciting a back-and-forth series of insults.

  "Ya cheeky bugger."

  "Crotchety goat."

  "Wrinkly fartknocker."

  "Ya inbred goose."

  The man in the chair needed to try and pry for more information about what their possible plans could be, and he would need to keep stalling for time until the help he knew would come for him could arrive. "Judging by the film reels on the table and that device over there, I can only assume you've built the world's most expensive movie projector," the man joked.

  "Heh," Scrooge mumbled back, "Nice guess. But this runs so much deeper than you could ever imagine."

  The large machine began blaring loud, electronic noises, and the fixture at the center of the room began moving. It was some sort of giant, mechanical ring of some sort. It seemed to be rotating, and as the ducks continued their work, it began to spin faster. What could it be? He thought back to everything either of them had said that could give clues.

  Scrooge worded a sentence strangely a few moments ago. Something about nothing in the world mattering, and about making a jump of some sort. The agent still couldn't figure out how the film factored into all of this, but one inference was getting more and more clear.

  "It's... a portal," the man announced cautiously, "A portal to another world."

  The two ducks finally stopped what they were doing, and Scrooge finally looked towards him. "Interesting. I cannae fathom how ya came to that conclusion so quickly. There's more to ya than meets the eye, Mr. Agent."

  "So I've been told," the agent smirked, "And I could say the same to you, Mr. McDuck. I had heard you weren't exactly the easiest duck to get along with, but I had never pegged a type like you to be concocting evil schemes."

  "Evil?" he chortled, almost choking as if the ridiculousness of that assertion were something he had tried to swallow, "Is that what ya think this is?"

  "I don't suppose you would be sport sharing what 'it' is all about...?"

  "Tell me, Agent," Scrooge began, speaking broadly and with mysticism to his words, "Have ya heard of 'parallel universes?' Further still, have ya heard of 'half-A presses?'"

  "Not this shit again," the agent sighed.

  "Don't listen to that dolt," Glomgold dismissed spitefully, "It's a time machine. It goes back in time."

  "Wh-" Scrooge spat, "What in the name'a God do ya mean it's a time machine? It's a dimensional-"

  "It's definitely a time machine," Glomgold asserted as a rock solid fact, "Didn't ya read the instructions manual?"

  "We designed this ourselves! There was no instructions manual!" Scrooge fired back.

  Glomgold blinked a few times. "... Huh. Then what in the hell was I readin then..."

  "Ya built it with yer own hands, ya greasy wanker!" Scrooge yelled further, "How do ya not know what yer buildin?!"

  "I DID know what aye was buildin, and aye told ya it's a time machine!"

  The portal lit up with ethereal blue vibrations, and as sparks of azure lightning dangerously sputtered in all directions, Launchpad McQuack walked out of the portal. The violent spinning motions of the portal and the blue lights all slowed down and faded until the room was dark again.

  Launchpad's clothes were ragged, torn, and covered in dirt. In one hand he held a club which dripped blood, and in his other hand he dragged the corpse of a T-Rex across the ground. "Oh, heya, Mr. McDuck!" he greeted cheerily, "You'll never guess how my day went!"

  "Told ya," Glomgold whispered with a victorious grin, "And isn't time travel more convenient for our plan anyway? We don't have ta find another universe, we can just go back ta the past and fix things from the very beginning!"

  "Aye," Scrooge conceded begrudgingly, "Well then, ya insufferable fuck, gather yer bearings. When the portal recharges in thirty minutes, you and aye are goin ta rewrite history!"

  "DuckTales!" Launchpad shouted enthusiastically, seemingly out of nowhere.

  "Woo-oo?" the agent reacted, as if compelled.

  Unceremoniously, they all left to go do their own things, leaving the battered secret agent still tied to the chair. He sat pensively and silently, he himself at a complete loss as to why he just made that noise.

  By this point, I'm web-swinging as fast as my arms can take me. It's enough to keep pace with Darkwing Duck, who is at my side, piloting his own personal aircraft, the Bat Wing. He opens the cockpit to converse with me as the two of us zoom across the ocean.

  "We're only a few minutes out from where the signals were lost," he explains to me.

  "Cool," I nod, "But I've been doing some thinking, Darkwing."

  "About what?" he inquires.

  "Well, do we *really*need to be helping out Disney? Can't they solve their own problems? I mean, they make so much money. Every day they're out there making--"

  "DuckTales!" Darkwing shouts, interrupting me.

  "Uh?"

  "Woo-oo!"

  "Are... you ok, Darkwing?" I question, equally concerned and confused.

  "I'm sorry... I don't know what came over me," he apologizes before clearing his throat with a cough. "Anyway, there's no use worrying about it now. I can see the aeroplane parked on the beach at that island in the far distance. We're almost there."

  "Oh, cool," I say with relief, "My arms are getting tired."

  Darkwing stares at me. "Actually, Spider-Man, we're literally over the ocean. How are you swinging on webs?"

  "Willpower," I shrug.

  He keeps eyeing me suspiciously, but eventually lets it go. "Well, nevertheless, between the two of us experienced heroes we can pull off some real tales of derring-do."

  "Yeah," I nod, "Where do you think the culprit is?"

  We touch down on the island from the cover of night, landing in some foliage a short distance away from the plane's landing point near a cave, which Darkwing mentions right away. "I have a hunch that we need to investigate that cavern over there. But, there could be traps laid out. So let's tread carefully."

  So, into the cave we go... I'm cautious with every step as the two of us move deeper and deeper into the tunnel. I can hear the buzzing and humming of electronic equipment, so there must be something big built down here...

  We enter into a huge room which isn't lit very well. What I can see of it seems to be some sort of lab, filled with computers and other machinery.

  Also... there's a dead dinosaur over on the floor to the side, too.

  ...

  Hm.

  Anyway. The thing in the room that catches my attention the most is certainly a gigantic, ring-shaped machine. I've seen enough dimensional rifts in my day to instantly know that's what this is. "Are you seeing this, Darkwing?"

  "Yes, I am... it's some kind of portal," Darkwing recognizes just as quickly as I did, "But what is it a portal *to*... that's the real question."

  "Maybe if we get a little closer, we can check it out--"

  I'm interrupted by the cry of a very Scottish person. "THIS, is as far as you GO!"

  I hear a gunshot piece the air, and very narrowly avoid my foot getting shot as a bullet richochets against the ground in front of me.

  From the side of the room I see that a door has opened, and two ducks have entered the room. I think I know these guys from those cartoons growing up. That's Scrooge McDuck! And that's... uh... some other duck who looks kind of familiar! But not really!

  "Did ya fly back home with a giant 'FOLLOW ME RIGHT BACK TO MAE SECRET LAIR' banner hangin off the back'a yer plane, ya scaley geaser?" the one with the beard shouts to Scrooge.

  "Now's not the time, Glomgold, keep yer crusty beak shut and let me do the talkin."

  "I'm going to be honest, guys," I announce, "I don't even have a slight clue what the fuck is going on here."

  "Well, then why'd ya come here?" Scrooge asks directly.

  "To get back the movie you stole! And, to stop you from doing evil things, I guess?" I reason.

  "We aren't DOIN any evil things!" Scrooge argues.

  "Didn't you just try to shoot me? His gun is literally still smoking," I reply, drawing attention to the fact that he's holding a glock with hazy, distorted air above the barrel due to the heat of the shot. I also point towards a no smoking sign on one of the walls in the room. "Smokers are jokers, by the way."

  The glock grumbles and reluctantly spits its cigarette into a nearby ash tray.

  "Well, either way!" Scrooge argues, "The machine's already ready and charged! So yer too late, lads! Bad luck for you!"

  "Aye..." Glomgold mumbles menacingly, sliding in from the shadows, "And good luck," he shouts, but then he coughs mid-sentence and it sounds kind of like he's saying the word 'tales' for some reason, "Fer me!"

  D-d-d-danger!! My spider sense is tingling! I see Glomgold holding a large crate over his head. "Scrooge, watch behind you!!"

  He swings it down onto Scrooge's head, smushing his hat and knocking him to the ground. The crate shatters into pieces, and inside it... it's the stolen movie footage! The circular film wheel hits the ground, standing upright, and it begins rolling across the floor while leaving a trail of footage in its wake. Scrooge struggles to push himself back up from the ground, and blood trickles down his forehead. "N-no! The movie!!" he cries in panic, scrambling into a speedy crawl across the ground and trying to roll the film back up.

  "What's your game, Glomgold?" I question urgently, "I thought you two were working together?"

  "Bah! Let this old fool believe aye cared a lick about his plan!" Glomgold taunts, "Yew played right into mah trap, Spider-Man!"

  "Wait, what? Me? Me specifically?" I ask.

  "Yes, yew!" Glomgold repeats.

  Slap me on the ass and call me Professor Layton, because I'm puzzled. "How could you have possibly known that I was coming her?"

  "Because, we invited yew! Bwhahaha!" Glomgold taunts.

  Wait... we?

  My spider sense again!!! I hear a buzzing noise and sense someone or something try to attack me from behind, and I leap away just in time. Sommersaulting across the ground, I breakdance-spin to look behind me. It's... Darkwing Duck! He has drawn two electrified chainsaws and has taken a fighting stance, and he stares me down. "Alright, Spidey. You're a reasonably guy. Just hear this guy out."

  "You too, Darkwing?" I ask in shocked betrayal.

  "... They have my partner hostage. I'm sorry, but I have no choice," he admits with deep, painful remorse.

  "... I see. So that's what this is," I state glumly. "I guess I walked right into a trap, huh. Only question is, what the heck are you singling me out for, dude?"

  "Yer the most profittable IP in existence, bug boy!" Glomgold shouts triumphantly, "And yer the cashcow gonna make me the richest duck in the universe! The rat bastard Scrooge will look upon mah fortune and be humbled!"

  "So what's the point of stealing that film?" I ask, pointing at Scrooge desperately trying to wrap the film footage back around the reel it came out of.

  "Fuck if aye know!" Glomgold spits back, "Aye just went along with whatever hairbrained scheme this duckwit wanted me to. It got him to pay the bill so aye could build what aye needed."

  He walks up to the giant portal thing and pulls a large switch which begins powering it up. The ring starts off slow, but picks up speed as it rotates fast and faster, causing lighting to randomly strike within the ring. The electrical outbursts get stronger and stronger until it fully becomes a solid, glowing portal which lights up the whole room uncomfortably.

  "Now here's how this is gonna go, chief:" Glomgold explains to me, "We're goin back in time to when Marvel was sellin the rights ta make yer movies and use yer likeness. And I can promise ya more money than ye could ever imagine if ya go on record sayin that publishin rights can all go to Glomgold Industries. We'll negotiate on the way back to the present, and by then we'll be in a timeline where decades of profits will all be in my name, and we'll both be rich!"

  I hear the click of a gun. "Or, here's actually what's goin to happen," Scrooge speaks gravely, "Aye'm goin ta shoot ya until ya stop movin, and we're all goin ta move on with our lives."

  By this point Glomgold has drawn a gun of his own. "Not if I shoot yew first!"

  I hear a new, charismatic voice from off to the side. There's a stranger!

  "What the!" Glomgold yells, "I was out to find you! So that's where yew were hidin! How in the hell did ya escape?!"

  He was evidentally hiding inside of the dinosaur's mouth this whole time. Weird. He's a man dressed up in a nice suit as if he's a secret agent. And he has a gun in each hand, pointed at both ducks. "Some gentleman named Launchpad untied me before he went on his way. This is the end of the line for both of you," he warns, "Here's what to do: just drop your weapons, and grab on to some-"

  "Ducktales!" Darkwing shouts, "Er, I mean, Dino!! Woo-oo!"

  "Darkwing? Is that you?!" the secret agent speaks in surprise, "I knew you'd come!"

  "So, uh, who are you?" I ask, "James Bond?"

  "The name's Dino Spumoni," the man introduces.

  "From Hey Arnold?" I clarify.

  "Yeah, I guess," he nods. "I'm Darkwing Duck's partner."

  "That you are! And if you're safe, then..."

  Darkwing throws his electro-chainsaws to the ground and pulls out two guns at as well. Scrooge and Glomgold all reveal second pistols, and suddenly everyone is shifting their aims back and forth in an incredibly tense and dangerous situation. The stress in the room is only amplified by the fact that the giant portal is still spinning loudly and brightly, making the enviroment feel very unstable.I need to think of a way to fix this, and fast.

  "Well... ok. This seems to be a stand-off," I summarize, "But, there's an even more important matter that needs addressing."

  Everyone keeps their guns trained on their targets, but their eyes all shift to me as I make my next announcement.

  "I've found a way to different Stand users from other people."

  Everyone shouts at the same time. "NANI?!"

  "That is... if a Stand user inhales even a little bit of cigarette smoke, a vein pops up on the tip of their beak."

  In frenzied confusion, all three of the ducks all reach to touch their beaks. Dino opens fire on Scrooge and Glomgold, both of whom take cover behind various equipment. Both of them begin firing back, and suddenly gunshots and bullets are everywhere. I crawl across the ground with my head down to try and get out of the crossfire, but Glomgold takes me by surprise and grabs me by the mask. "Yew! Yer comin with me!" he threatens, holding a gun to my head.

  I shoot some web at his face and cover his eyes, and before he can react I slug him in the face, knocking him onto his back. "Hey, Darkwing! Dino! I've got this one taken care of!" I shout, and the gunfire stops. The two of them approach and begin handcuffing Glomgold, who is unconscious at this point.

  "The only question now, is... where's Scrooge?" Dino asks.

  "There!" Darkwing shouts, pointing towards the portal. Scrooge is making a break for it, and he's holding the stolem movie reel under his arm!

  "Scrooge! Stop!" I cry, "Whatever your plan is, it isn't going to work!"

  I shoot a web at him which catches his other arm and holds him in place. He struggles to break free, and eventually his whole sleeve tears off, with the snapped tension sending him face-first into the ground. I run as fast as I can to catch up with him before he gets back up.

  I finaly get a look at the movie in question. It's... '*An Extremely Goofy Movie*?'

  More surprisingly, under his sleeve, his exposed arm seems to have a dragon tattoo of some sort. If I recall... it looks similar to that dragon from the movie *Spirited Away*. I grab him by the collar to pick him back up, but I feel something soft underneath his coat. Tearing it open, I see a Porco Rosso plush doll in his inside pocket, and he's wearing a t-shirt which has a picture of Hayao Miyazaki's face on it.

  I frantically look around the room and realize that all of the walls have been decked out with all kinds of Studio Ghibli posters.

  I resume looking at Scrooge who I still have by the collar, and I begin shaking him. "What in the heck is your goal, Scrooge?! Answer me!"

  "Lad. Listen to me. I HAVE to get into this time machine. This is one of my favorite films of all time, but for the most part I can't STAND American animation. I have to take this film back in time... and use it to pitch the plot to my favorite Japanese animation studio. I have to create a reality where *An Extremely Goofy Movie* can be re-animated by Studio Ghibli!"

  "You're insane! It's a Disney movie, that doesn't even make sense! That could never happen! *An Extremely Goofy Movie* can't be an anime!"

  Scrooge finds the energy to reach up and clench my wrists with a startling amount of pressure. His eyes are red and he's wincing them as if in stinging agony from all of the tears streaming down his face. He has a look as if he were a duck who had lost everything dear to him. He leans in closer to me, grinding his teeth the point it looks painful, and choaking on more tears. "*I don't want to live in a world where An Extremely Goofy Movie can't be animated and directed by Miyazaki.*" he whispers, openly sobbing, his spirit completely broken.

  "Look, buddy... is that really worth threatening the very fabric of time and reality?"

  He seems to start reflecting on my words. However, I don't have time to focus on him for now, for a familiar evil laugher comes from just a ways ahead. It's Glomgold, who has somehow escaped! The handcuffs slide right off of him as if they've been greased. "Bwahaha! With my Stand, 「 B u t t e r  B u i l d i n g 」, slipping away is no problem! Its ability is to turn me as slippery as butter! Observe!"

  He reveals a driver's license with... hey! That's MY license! He must have slipped right past me and stolen it!

  "I don't need yew anymore, I'll just go back in time and impersonate ya with a mask and with yer ID! Nothin can stop me now, HARHARHAR!!"

  Oh no... are we too late? I don't know if I or my webs can reach him in time...!! If this dude goes back in time, he could change the universe forever! He turns and begins to enter the portal, but....

  Aw Jesus. There are more T-Rexes, and these ones are alive. There's one, two, three... ack! There's a hundred of them! They all exit the portal, roaring loudly and sending Glomgold running for his life, back the way he came, in terror! A Pterodactyl comes flying out and grabs the guy and carries him out of the cave, flying into the night sky. I guess no matter how buttery you are, you can't outrun your fate any more than you can Mr. Fantastic.

  "Welp," Darkwing gulps, "I guess this is the end for us."

  Dino displays a look of determination as strong as steel, and he reloads his guns. "If I'm going down, I'm going down fighting."

  Scrooge outstretches his arm to block Dino from walking forward. "No. This is mae fault. AYE'll handle this."

  He summons a Stand of his own! It looks like a giant, spectral Totoro, with gigantically swore arm muscles! Scrooge steadies himself and strikes a dynamic pose, before shouting the name of his Stand.

  「 T o t o ! ! 」

  With blazing speed, his Stand lets out a hurricane of punches in all directions, sending dinosaurs flying every which way. There's nothing that a hundred dinosaurs or more could ever do! With each punch, coins and bills fly everywhere as if this were a Coin match in Smash Bros. All the while, Scrooge shouts his battle *"AYE'M GOIN' QU@CKERS!"*

  By the time the dust clears, there isn't a single T-Rex left standing. All seems quiet for now as we all try to process what the hell just happened.

  Slowly, smaller dinosaurs leave enter the cave through the portal, two of them. Two more come out behind them, and the four of them are all holding and carrying a platform with a throne on top of it. It's Launchpad McQuack, and he's dressed like a caveman, but wearing a crown. The dinosaurs are all softly speaking. "Throne of Blood, Throne of Blood, Throne of Blood, Throne of Blood..." they repeat endlessly as if chanting a ritual.

  "Wh-" Scrooge begins to ask, began to ask, but stopped himself. He sighed and took a deep breath. "Launchpad, lad. Why do ya keep goin back to the dinosaur era? Can't that time machine take ya anywhere else?"

  "Time machine?" Launchpad asks, "No, this isn't a time machine. It's a portal to the dinosaur dimension. And guess what! I'm the Dinosaur King, now!"

  As it turns out, the portal itself has an automated voice of its own. "WELCOME, TO 3-D DINOSAUR ADVENTURE! GET READY: PUT YOUR

  3-D GLASSES ON!"

  Scrooge falls to his knees, totally out of energy. "Y'know what, fellas. Aye think aye've made peace with all of this. Disney can have their movie back. Aye guess Aye'm just going to turn this island into a theme park for dinosaur lovers, or somethin... may as well turn a profit off of this tomfoolery."

  Dino Spumoni takes out a flask and begins chugging. Darkwing Duck walks between the two of us and places his hands on both of our shoulders. "Let's just... go home and forget that this night ever happened. Sound good?"

  And so we did. It wasn't an easy transition, but we all went back to our normal lives. It wasn't until a few days later that Darkwing, Dino, and Scrooge all showed up at my agency's doorstep, and with them they brought a proposition. They felt a lot of guilt about everything that had happened and wanted to do right by helping me, and I was happy to have them on board.

  Over the next few days, the three of our worked together to set up our own, joint Detective Agency. Scrooge would even fund us and aid us from the shadows, determined to make amends for his actions.

  Every day we're out there making happy customers. From now on, if you have any issues that need solving... give the *Goin' QU@CKERS!* agency a call. Darkwing Duck, Dino Spumoni, and Spider-Man will all be there to lend you a hand.

  In this universe, there are an infinite number of Duck Tales occupying an infinite number of Woo-oo's.

  This is one such of those tales of derring-do, bad and good luck tales.

  This is neither the first, nor the last.

  Tales such as these lead to many more.

  In the not-so-distant future a new tale altogether would be told on this island, the island that Jurassic park took place on.

  And that story would be a Woo-oo like you wouldn't believe.

  These tales are not ponytails (because My Little Pony just ended).

  And they aren't cottontails, either.

  What they are, are DuckTales.

  And with that knowledge, I leave one last question in your hands.

  What if this happened to You-oo?