Ness VS Sans

*It's an RPG wreck-em up between a psychic bat brandishing boy and and the skeletal slacker himself!*
—Tagline
**Ness VS Sans** is the 89th episode of DBX, featuring Ness from the *Earthbound* series and Sans from the *Undertale* series in a battle between psychic RPG heroes.

## Interlude

**Ringmaster**: Welcome one and all to MY arena where you decide the outcome! No rules, only bloodshed! I am Ringmaster and this is the exhibitiooon!

**Ringmaster**: And despite some artistic differences we've still got my co-host Boooomstiiiick! Bew bew bew beeew!

*Boomstick is standing on the stage with his arms crossed, looking disgruntled.*

**Boomstick**: What'd you do with my floaty platform!?

*We see Boomstick's floating platform crashed into the seats of the arena.*

**Ringmaster**: Eah, don't worry pal! This will introduce erhm.. verticality! (whispered, to the cameraman) Pst! Up here! (normal) Which is great 'cause this week we'll be going down *under* for a *tale*, that's *bound* to blow you off the face of the *Earth*! B-b-b-boom!

*Planet-shaped fireworks burst around Ringmaster.*

**Ringmaster**: Ahahahaha, aah! That makes me feel like a god!

**Boomstick**: Hey, wait, am I even in frame?

## Ness

**Ringmaster**: Which is exactly the kind of opponent our two heroic, yet quirky RPG characters have spent their days brutally murdering! Sometimes over, and over, and over! But instead of dwelling on the past let's dwell on the past! It's 1995, a little game named *Earthbound* just dropped in the U.S. and it stinks! Literally, hoo! Pee-yew! It's the *Smash* brat with the bat: (like the *Super Smash Bros.* announcer) Ness! He may look like your average, ordinary, Eaglelandian little boy but this kid's got the biggest big brain energy you've ever seen! Literally! He's a psychiiic! Ness can shoot lightning! Create massive psychic blasts! Heal wounds, hypnotise you, and even make nifty force fields!

**Boomstick**: Oh, whenever I try to do stuff like that I usually start bleedin' from the eyes and wake up 3 days later in a pool of my own blood!

*A chibi Ringmaster concentrates hard as he puts his hands to his head, with pinks waves coming off him. He then starts bleeding from his nose.*

**Boomstick**: Or wait, is that Mardi Gras?

**Ringmaster**: But Ness isn't just a nerd, he's 50% jock too! With a baseball bat strong enough to smash a sandbag into orbit! (like the *Super Smash Bros.* announcer) Smash!

*A chibi Ringmaster holds a baseball bat, ready to bat. When a baseball flies towards him, he misses his swing and the baseball hits him in the face.*

**Ringmaster**: A bat he would use to fight Giygas! A dude I can only describe as "alien-fetus-Satan"! That's right, he beat the snot out of The Devil with sporting equipment!

**Boomstick**: Yeah, we get it. Ness looks all cutesy-pootsy but he's no joke! Ness created an entire dimension in his mind, merged consciousness with the universe and put his soul in a robot body so he could go back in time with his friends and save the universe. He is genuinely terrifying! Kinda like me as a kid! Except for the psychic powers. I had guns.

## Sans

**Ringmaster**: And his opponent, the bony broseph himself, the skeletal comic: (like the *Super Smash Bros.* announcer) Sans- (normal) no wait, they didn't do him. Saaans! Despite being a monster from the underworld, Sans is cool as ice.

**Boomstick**: He's the guy you traded smokes with behind the 7/11 back in junior high.

**Ringmaster**: But be not fooled. Behind his toothy grin lies the black-hearted evil of a final boss, hellbent on annihilating you.

**Boomstick**: Just like the guy I traded smokes with behind the 7/11 back in junior high!

**Ringmaster**: Should your playthrough get a little *too* genocidey, Sans will show you up to absolutely wreck you, even worse than his terrible puns ever did! Speakin' of which, how's it goin' bud?

*Boomstick is playing the Sans boss fight, which he is continually losing.*

**Boomstick**: Damnit! Why do I have to play this again!?

**Ringmaster**: It's for the show Boomstick! You know, art and stuff, not a distraction you're (mumbles) you're doin' great! (laughs)

**Boomstick**: Agh! This is physically painful!

**Ringmaster**: He can toss you like a hacky sack with telekinesis! Sprout giant bones from the ground, and fry your ass to smithereens with his Gaster Blasters, and he targets your soul directly.

*A chibi Ringmaster get hit by a Gaster Blaster beam and is incinerated into ash.*

**Ringmaster**: That would like, uh, hurt, I think. Getting your soul blown up. Uhh... assuming you have one. Well, good thing he only has one hit-point huh? One measly scratch is all it would take.

*A chibi Ringmaster is watching the screen with his back facing the camera.*

**Boomstick**: You shut the hell up, Marshall! I'm stoppin' ya right there!

*The chibi Ringmaster is then alerted by Boomstick's yelling and slowly slides off the screen while nervous and sweating.*

**Boomstick**: Even if you could take a break from dodging this impossible stream of bullshit, long enough to maybe sorta think about fighting back, he teleports out of the way and I can feel my organs shutting down- GAH! GODDAMNIT!

*Boomstick throws his controller on the ground and starts stomping on it.*

## Prelude

*Boomstick continues stomping the controller before shooting it with his shotgun leg.*

**Ringmaster**: Well, alright then! Without further ado-

**Boomstick**: Get over here!

*Boomstick attempts to grab Ringmaster and starts chasing him, with Ringmaster trying to escape by flying around on his platform.*

**Ringmaster**: Wooah! Woah, woah, woah, woah! Woah, calm down buddy!

**Boomstick**: Don't just (unintelligible) I wanna talk! It's okay, (unintelligible)

**Ringmaster**: Let the exhibition begin! Let it begin! Hurry, go, hurry it up! Go, go, go!

**Boomstick**: Get down here!

*Boomstick manages to get a hold of Ringmaster's platform and attempts to grab him with one hand as his other pushes the platform down.*

## Exhibition

*Ness is on the phone in a phone booth in an urban location.*

**Ness' Dad (on the phone)**: But, I don't think it's good to work too hard. *(Click! Beep - beep - beep ...)*

*Ness hangs up the phone and walks out the phone booth. The* Earthbound *enemy encounter jingle plays as the camera swirls towards a figure in the shadows, whose eye briefly glows blue in the shadows before walking out of it. We see Sans in the* Undertale *battle menu from Ness' POV, and then Ness in the* Earthbound *battle menu from Sans' POV.*

*The fight starts as Sans takes control of Ness' SOUL, turning it blue and slamming it along with Ness into trash cans, the phone booth, and the ground, before lifting him up into the air.*

**Ness**: PK Flash!

*Ness breaks free of Sans' control and lands back on the ground.*

**Ness**: OK!

*Ness gets back up, now wielding his baseball bat, and runs towards Sans. He swings at him, but misses as Sans dodges. He attempts to hit the skeleton a few more times, only to fail. Sans then controls Ness again and throws him away, then sends two Gaster Blasters after him. As Ness gets back up from being thrown, he runs and dodges all of the Gaster Blasters' blasts, before proceeding to bat them away instead, killing one with its own blast in the process. Sans, who is floating in the air, dodges the blasts that Ness reflected.*

**Ness**: PK...!

*Ness throws a psychic attack at Sans, who blocks with bones he summons from the ground. Ness then runs out of the way of more bones Sans summons under him, dodging a Gaster Blaster blast, breaking a bone wall with his bat, reflecting a blast, and then running up a giant bone that missed him, landing on a Gaster Blaster he pushes into the ground. Despite his maneuvering, he gets trapped in a bone cage, with four Gaster Blasters surrounding him from above.*

* True Ending
* Alternate Ending

### True Ending

*Ness constructs a psychic shield around himself as the Gaster Blasters fire, but he is overwhelmed and his shield is broken. The Gaster Blasters and cage then disappear, with two pairs of bones then impaling him. Sans appears in front of him with a glowing eye, takes his SOUL, and crushes it, before winking at the camera.*

### Alternate Ending

**Ness**: PK Thunder!

*Ness hits himself with a PK Thunder, sending him flying out of the bone cage. While midair, he grabs out his baseball bat, and although Sans tries to grab his SOUL again, he is hypnotised. Ness lands in front of Sans, and swings his bat at the skeleton's head, getting a critical hit and sending Sans' head flying into the air.*

**Ness**: OK!

*Ness faces the camera, jumps, and does a peace sign as the* Earthbound *victory theme plays.*

## Trivia

### Production

* The connections between Ness and Sans are that they are both RPG characters with psychic powers and have fought evil, demonic, nigh-unstoppable beings (Giygas and Chara, respectively).
	+ This matchup is also largely inspired by a *Game Theory* episode which theorises that Ness and Sans are actually one and the same, which spawned a popular meme based on the theory.
		- Said video was made by MatPat, who previously voiced Keith Kogane in the Power Rangers VS Voltron Death Battle.
		- Years later, *Undertale* creator Toby Fox would draw Sans in Ness' clothing to bid MatPat farewell after he announced his retirement.
	+ Both also appeared in the *Super Smash Bros.* series, with Ness being a playable character since the first game and Sans being a Mii costume for the Mii Gunner in *Super Smash Bros. Ultimate*.
	+ *Undertale* was notably largely inspired by *Earthbound*.
		- Sans' boss theme, *MEGALOVANIA*, originated from an *Earthbound* mod that Toby Fox made before *Undertale*.
* Two months after its release, Brandon Yates would make a track for this matchup called "Not Just A Theory" as part of his "What If?" commission tracks.
	+ Coincidentally, the track was first commissioned before this episode's announcement.

## References

1. ↑ https://twitter.com/tobyfox/status/1745048357846859798