Bostonian Horse

**Bostonian Horse** is a character and musical guest in *Puppet History*. He is a puppet created and portrayed by Shane Madej. He makes his first appearance in the season three episode "The Great Molasses Flood."

In it, he sings about his great "horsey life" before dying. When he dies, he meets God, where then God tries to convince the horse to go to "horse heaven."

## Songs

### "Clip Clop Into The Light (Pt. 1)"

Clip clip, clip clop
(Yeah yeah yeah)
Clip clop, clip clop
[Horse whinnies]

Well I'm a pretty happy horsey
With a pretty perfect life
I'm thankful for my cloppy hooves
And lovely horsey wife

I prance my frilly horsey mane
Through every street in town
And past that big molasses tank
That's structurally unsound

My brother has a kidney stone
I sure hope that it passes
Unrelated but one thing
I don't like is molasses

I just like singing horsey songs
And jamming out to ska
I think that if I keep it up
One day I'll be a star!

Well every new day
Is the best day of my life
Or so it seems
(Best day of my life)

And for the record
Today is January 15th, 1919
(Oh)
I'm gonna live forever!

[Explosion] [Screaming] [Indistinct shouting]

### TALKING

Horse - Oh God, please help me!... Huh?

God - Yo, what up.

Horse - Who are you?

God - I'm god, ya Banana Head.

Horse - God? Look what happened.

God - (Laughing) I know, I did that. It's a molasses flood. You crazy for this one, God.

Horse - But why?

God - Oh, I don't know, I'm a little freak. I can do everything I want. (Laughing).

Horse - Well, can you get me out of this molasses?

God - Oh no, uhm, no.

Horse - I think I'm gonna die.

God - Oh, no no no, you're already dead.

Horse - What!?

God - Yeah, I know it's a lot to take in. Hey, just head on over to the light and we'll get you over to horse heaven or I guess, horse hell. If you were like a horse bigot or whatever.

Horse - But there's so much I wanted to do.

God - Hm, yeah.

Horse - I wanted to eat more hay. Oh, I loved the way it crunched between my teeth.

God - Oh yeah, I made hay, and teeth.

Horse - If I could just smooch my horse wife Dorothy Ruth one more time. (Weeping).

God - Sure, a handsome gal. Thick hooves.

Horse - I just, I just wanted to go clippy cloppy. Just one more day of clippy cloppin' (weeping)

God - Okay, well it seems like you need a little more convincing here, so why don't you just follow along and we'll see if we can't make you comfortable with your gelatinous demise, huh?

### "Clip Clop Into The Light (Pt. 2)"

*(Note:* Normal text *means God is singing,* **bold text** *means the horse is singing, and **italic bold text** means both puppets are singing.)*

I hate to tell ya, my fine equine
But it’s lookin like your numbers up
I know you'd love to stay around just a little bit longer
But your lungs are full of sticky muck!

So take a gallop with me toward eternity
Forget about your earthly plight
And put one hoof in front of the other in front of the other
And clip clop into the light

[LOST VERSE (a little rough)

I know you’ll miss this place
And all the things that made you you
But uh, I don’t mean to harp on it
You were the you that also drowned in goo

So give it up my friend, congrats on meeting your end
No other options try as you might
But put one hoof
In front of the other
In front of the other
In front of the other
And clip clop into the light]

(Interlude)

**I hope my wife died too, so I can see her soon** (You will!)

**And smooch her spooky horse ghost-lips!** (Okay...?)

**And stare into her gorgeous, fucked up oblong horsey pupils**

**As we drift into the vast abyss!** (Alright!)

**I guess I'm ready to go into the great unknown** (It seems you're ready to go into the great unknown)

***It's been a lovely horsey life***

**I'll put one hoof in front of the other in front of the other in front of the other** (Ya put one hoof in front of the other in front of the other in front of the other)

***And clip clop into the light!***