Batthwack Medrach

**Batthwack Medrach** was a dragonborn paladin. He was best known for exhibiting a cool, calm exterior while harboring a fiery, righteous ideology. Little is known about his clan or background.

## Description

### Appearance

Batthwack was a 6'7", 255 pound, chainmail-clad dragonborn paladin. He was green, had diminutive frills and a domed head, and carried a round shield on his back, all of which made him bear a striking resemblance to a turtle. As of episode 239, Batthwack has a 2D mohawk. He does wear shoes!

* 18: It HAS Been Real!: Eric: "You see what looks like a humanoid with a dragon head, in armour." [...] Alex: "You see a creature locked in battle with the remnants of this horde of zombies. In one hand he's holding a longsword that glows radiantly with a bright green light, the colour of a severe lightning storm, and surrounding him is this shimmering green aura. He crouches momentarily behind this massive brown shield, and you hear harsh utterances coming from behind the shield. But in that instance, you're reminded vaguely of some kind of reptile. [...] The creature seems to exhale and slowly places his shield back on his back. [...] Perhaps it's his large brown mosaic shield that's still on his back, or maybe it's his rounded head with its diminutive frills. But something about this guy just screams 'turtle' [...] His shield bears a dragon in profile, he wears a chain visibly around his neck and a suit of chainmail."
* 332: Who Is Manure Again?: Will (trying to get someone else to describe what they see when they look at Batthwack): "It looks like he has scales."

### Personality and alignment

Neutral Good

* 316: God Say What?: KT: "I love Batthwack so much. He's just so sweet and pure and good in general, but then has like scary things and he's still so like... I just love Batthwack. He's neurodivergent."

### Religion

Batthwack had worshipped Bahamut since an early age, but always held a suspicion that his divine power may not have been granted by Bahamut. He also wore a waterfall chain necklace, the links of which conjured the subconscious image of rushing water and one of the links near the front had an inlaid symbol that resembled a waterfall cascading into a still lake. This is the symbol of the deity Eldath. Batthwack said he made it when he was very young.

* 27: Mist-ical Visions: Part 3: Batthwack has a vision of Lank surrounded by a power sun-like light: "It captivates you, it's very similar to this warm light that enveloped you at the beginning of this vision and it fills you with the same feeling over your life that sometimes has caused you to suspect that Bahamut is not really the true source of your power as a paladin. You're certain that whatever this is that's powering this aura that surrounds Lank is the same force that stayed your hand in that Battle of Urdrock, when you pardoned Thrunch Bouldergut, the goblin's clan leader, which led to your eventual exile from your clan."
* 316: God Say What?: Rosco: "The captive-eating coyote, the coyote who endangered our lives and who you, for some reason, trust." Batthwack: "I guess he was just testing us."
* 337: The First Time Batthwack EVER Got It: "Batthwack closes his eyes for just a brief moment and he prays for wisdom. He feels very calm."
* 338: He Shall Jump on a Trampoline in the Autumn Time: Alex: "Batthwack's not sure Bahamut's real anymore." / Will (as the group are discussing ways to add validity to the story they want to spread about Batthwack having died): "I was gonna say your necklace or something. But that's probably not a good idea. Because I don't know what that would prove. But it would prove that [Trofast] saw you." Batthwack: "Oh, gosh. I can't really part with my necklace." Will: "Is that where you get your powers or something?" Batthwack: "I don't know, but... I just... I need it. [...] Actually... Fine." Alex: "So Batthwack takes off the necklace and gives it to Trofast. And says" Batthwack: "If anyone asks, I'm dead. You saw my body. And you removed this."

## Abilities and traits

### Weapons

Silvered longsword, javelins, round shield that resembles a turtle's shell, breath weapon (poison)

* 315: Willanetics: Alex: "Batthwack is proficient in martial weapons, but this [golden] flail feels awkward."

### Spells / Abilities

Zone of Truth, Protection from Evil & Good, Cure Wounds, Command, Bless, Thunderous Smite, Locate Object, Detect Magic, Sanctuary

List of Spells/Abilities:

* Aura of Courage
* Aura of Protection
* Divine Smite
* Find Steed
* Searing Smite
* Shield of Faith

## Home

Gully's End

* 337: The First Time Batthwack EVER Got It: Alex: "[Trofast] put his fist to his forehead in some kind of strange Gully's End fist-forehead allegiance pose."

## Treasure

* Robe of Eyes
* A chain necklace with a design that resembles a waterfall falling into a still pool (symbol of Eldath)
* Deck of Illusions
* Bufflin whiskey

## Deck of Cards

Batthwack has been designing his own deck of cards since the party passed through Morrow's Inlet, where he purchased a a special pen and some card stock.

* 317: 1,000 Mugs of Twig Tea on the Wall: Alex (when Batthwack hands Raphina some card stock to keep her occupied): "You've got the fancy pen from the shop. And you have one blank piece of cardstock, but then underneath there's something stuck. Two cards are stuck together. [...] You see the three of hearts. [...] The figures that are drawn on there, their weapons are all shattered. And you can see reflections of them drawn in lots of detail on the edges of the cards. And the reflections all look like waves and there are plants that are growing up and entwining everything on the card. [...] Batthwack drew it." [...] Batthwack: "I don't know. It's just the three of hearts. [...] Playing cards have figures on them, right? Don't... What kinds of playing cards do you use? Never mind!"
* 320: Me Did Not Write That: Alex: "I'm going to take out the deck of playing cards. And I'm going to select another one. I haven't been able to edit all of them yet. I have to rifle through it to find the one where the weapons are absent. And I say 'I drew these. Would you like one?' [...] I'm checking to see, have I had a chance to redraw the cards, because I made nearly the whole deck, but then I started changing them." [...] Eric: "We've got the five of hearts [...] and the jack of spades."

## Batthwack Medrach Facts!

To be compiled into the article at some point...

* 18: It HAS Been Real!: Eric: "You see what looks like a humanoid with a dragon head, in armour, in the middle of a fight with what you guys recognise as zombies." Alex: "You see a creature locked in battle with the remnants of this horde of zombies. In one hand he's holding a longsword that glows radiantly with a bright green light, the colour of a severe lightning storm, and surrounding him is this shimmering green aura. He crouches momentarily behind this massive brown shield, and you hear harsh utterances coming from behind the shield. But in that instance, you're reminded vaguely of some kind of reptile, but the image is shattered by the creature's startling leap, and he drives the shield into the mass and swings the glowing longsword simultaneously. Zombies pour off the sides of the bridge and the front rank of zombies violently combust as the sword passes through their bodies. The draconic creature roars and charges the remaining horde, scaling a burning pile of remains and carves a path to the last clod of zombies. From atop the squelching mass, the creature fluidly draws a javelin from his back and hurls it into the final approaching column. The javelin skewers them and embeds into the bridge, pinning them. And then the creature seems to exhale and slowly places his shield back on his back and approaches the column, which is still writhing, as smoothly beheads the lot with his longsword. And then he slowly turns to face you. Perhaps it's his large brown mosaic shield that's stolen his back, or maybe it's his rounded head with its diminutive frills. But something about this guy just screams 'turtle' [...] His shield bears a dragon in profile, he wears a chain visibly around his neck and a suit of chainmail, and he approaches and extends an arm in greeting. And again, in slow deliberate speech, he says 'Greetings. I'm Batthwack Medrach. And the good among you have nothing to fear'." Will: "Uh oh." KT: "Will ducks behind whoever is available." / Nick asks Batthwack "from where you hail". Batthwack: "I waded into the depths of some evil mist-filled forest. And scouring this place clean of evil seems to be beyond me. But it's a challenge I'd gladly except." / Batthwack: "Did you all wander into the mists as well? They're impenetrable, as far as I can tell." / Goran: "Batthwack, was it? How do you feel about weird demon spirits?" (He points at Will) Alex: "Weird, he's probably ok. Evil? No." [...] Alex: "I think I'm just gonna turn and stare at Will for a moment." / Raphina: "I think these cranial protuberances is over his eyes... I just don't like... Yeah, okay. It's turtally." [...] Alex: "I'm going to point to the dragon on the front of my shield." Batthwack: "This is a dragon." Goran: "Dude, are you a turtle?" Alex: "Batthwack smiles, or attempts to, and attempts to reach out and shake Raphina's hand, but the smile looks a bit toothy."
* 20: Take That, Bette Midler!: Batthwack casts Divine Smite.
* 21: Eric, Do You Hate Us?: Batthwack uses his Lay on Hands feature. / Batthwack resists a spell from one of the hags: "You start to feel weirdly queasy. But you spit acid so you're kind of used to that." / Alex: "As a bonus action, I'll use the Shield of Faith. So, I'll put up this aura around myself, this green aura, just to try to protect myself." / The young hag "looks up at Batthwack and says 'All your friends are dying! Good work, paladin!'" / Alex: "Kneel down and use Cure Wounds"
* 22: Aren't We a Little Old to Be Put in Child Pies?: Batthwack weighs 255 pounds. / "And you also find what looks like a holy symbol, looks like it's made of gold. It's in the shape of a sun attached to a gold chain. There's some carvings in it surrounding a yellow gem, a large yellow gem affixed in the middle. And it looks very similar to the symbols that you saw adorning Ireena and Ismark's house and the church in Barovia. [...] Raphina and Batthwack, you both you can feel an aura coming off of this. It feels pretty much in line with a lot of the equipment and teachings and whatnot in your area of faith." / Batthwack tries on the Ring of Swimming: Eric: "I think you said... didn't you say you have webbing between your digits?" Alex: <laughs> "I, er.... Well, I'll just look down at my hand and find out!" Eric: "Well, you do. If you had webbing, it seems a little more substantial. If you didn't have any, you have webbing now between your digits. If you wiggle your toes, you think the same is true for your feet."
* 23: Ireena, Can You Give Us a Hand?: Batthwack stashes Ireena's severed arm in his backpack. / Batthwack takes three bottles from the windmill: "There was a cabinet that had some flowers painted on it. You don't find anything alive, but you do find three labelled containers, little bottles. They have labels on them. One looks like a golden colour and it's labelled 'Youth'. One looks like a translucent red, and that is labelled 'Laughter'. And the third is kind of a greenish, milky liquid labelled 'Mother's Milk'." / "Everybody is level five now"
* 25: Eat Your Beets and Leave Me Alone: Batthwack's vegetarianism: "Sounds great. I'll take it. I'll hold the wolf. I'll have the beets." / Batthwack: "I don't mean to sound offended, but why is it that everyone brings up turtles whenever they see me?"
* 26: Deer Eggs and a Bowl of Tabasco Sauce: Batthwack: "I'll just keep wearing [the Holy Symbol of Ravenkind] around my neck." / Alex: (Batthwack's vegetarianism/veganism): "Batthwack didn't eat his eggs either." / Batthwack intimidates Will: "I just draw myself up to full height and kind of smile in an incomprehensible way, that's some cross between, 'I'm going to eat you' and 'I wouldn't possibly do that'."
* 27: Mist-ical Visions: Part 3: Batthwack has a vision: "You are standing alone at the low point of a grassy valley. [...] It's an open sort grassland valley, nothing really noticeable in sight. You can see the horizon stretching out all around you, [...] There's nobody around, no structures or anything like that." [...] A mass of some type of creatures, hurtling down that side of the valley directly at you. [...] They resolve into a horde of dark green skinned goblins. [...] This valley is the site of the great [Battle] of Urdrock. This is the one in which your dragonborn clan had finally defeated the evil Urdrock goblin tribe that had been vexing you for almost a decade. It was a long drawn out campaign against them, and this was the final point, this large battle here in this valley. And these were the goblins that you fought then, the only difference though is rather than being surrounded by your clan members as you were those years ago, this time you stand alone." / Batthwack has a vision of Lank surrounded by a power sun-like light: "It captivates you, it's very similar to this warm light that enveloped you at the beginning of this vision and it fills you with the same feeling over your life that sometimes has caused you to suspect that Bahamut is not really the true source of your power as a paladin. You're certain that whatever this is that's powering this aura that surrounds Lank is the same force that stayed your hand in that Battle of Urdrock, when you pardoned Thrunch Bouldergut, the goblin's clan leader, which led to your eventual exile from your clan, and the start of your current path as Batthwack. [...] You feel the chain there, warm, very comfortingly warm, matching that feeling you get from the aura. [...] You are face to face with Thrunch himself once again, just like before he cowers on the ground before you, surrounded by the bodies of his fallen clan members. And just like before, you look into his eyes and you find no sign of evil there, just fear and almost sadness." Alex: "Maybe this isn't how it went the first time, but Batthwack drops his sword and falls down onto his knees."
* 28: The Fifth Pope of London: "it would seem that you may be someone worthy to carry [the Holy Symbol of Ravenkind], especially if you were visited upon by the Morninglord, as it seems like you maybe have been. I get this aura from you."

...

* 187: We Have a Lot To Discover About Raphina's Digestive System: When Zantras first approached Batthwack after leaving Barovia, he'd asked Zantras, "Do you know anything about my family? Where they are?" Zantras had replied, "Your family? They're home." Batthwack then immediately decided to accept Zantras' gift.

...

* 286: Mustard Soup: Adam on Rosco's feelings about Batthwack: "Batthwack has seemed pretty like level headed and rational, albeit with a weird Good Samaritan streak that rubs Rosco the wrong way"
* 287: Next Time You Hear White Noise...: At the end of the episode, Alex explained a little of Batthwack's motivations behind his unusual behaviour recently. The key thing is the character flaw that Batthwack gained after accepting Zantras' kingly gift: he cannot take no for an answer. Alex explained that Batthwack simply wanted the boots because of how much he loved flying on the couple of occasions Will had cast *Fly* on him. When the shopkeeper denied him the boots, it turned his desire into a compulsion, but then he saw the gnomish book's image of Gully's End in flames and the two things compounded. *"I need these to be strong enough. I won't let Gully's End burn. I need these boots. No one's gonna stop me. When I saw that picture, I wrote down 'I'm fucking King Batthwack.' Batthwack is of these two minds, right? But I said I would get those boots. So have to do it. I have to turn down all these redeeming things."* / Speaking of Batthwack's inability to accept no for an answer: "There are just a couple times where, when I realised people say no, I note it down."
* 289: I Have No Glaaaaaaaands: Batthwack: "No, I'm not a king [...] There was no King Batthwack in Gully's End, I'll tell you that." Raphina: "If there's a weirdo, parallel dimension in which I'm a serial killer then maybe that's where Batthwack is King Batthwack" / On the subject of how Batthwack felt after accepting Zantras' gift: "I feel much stronger than I did before I accepted that gift. Just like before. I feel like I could change things." / On the subject of his obsession with the flying boots: "I saw those boots and I was like, 'This is great.' I was happy. It was just a joyful thing. And somehow, over the course of the conversation with that shopkeeper, I became more and more convinced that I need them, like maybe they're essential to me being able to protect people, or stop whatever is going to happen in Gully's. End." / Batthwack discusses the waterfall's message: "What's the crown doing there, marking those words to trust Will. Maybe I shouldn't listen to Will. Maybe Will is taking me down the wrong path here." Will: "Wait, wait, but a waterfall would tell you the wrong thing? I mean, no it wouldn't. Probably, right? Isn't that your whole deal? Waterfalls? We've been running into those. They're important." / "I'm not gonna lie to you, I like the power this Zantras gives me, but I'm certain this is not going to end well."
* 291: Two or Three Minutes Per Minute: In his downtime Batthwack is, "sharpening my sword, cleaning my armour, making some playing cards" On the subject of the playing cards: "It takes him a long time! Imagine, he's holding the pencil this way, right? [In his fist] But you know, he wants them to look good. He's stopped drawing weapons in their hands though, if anyone looks."
* 293: Fins, Gills, Angles, Scales, Eyes, Fins, Dorsal Pieces and Teeth: Batthwack's key has a symbol which is interpreted as "crank" and he uses this to open the "shield" door. Raphina: "we're always talking about Batthwack's shield. It's his thing!" Batthwack: "Also, my god called me 'my shield.' 'You're my shield.'"
* 296: Stilled By the Majestic Boringness: Pacifist Batthwack (speaking about the dragon): "Do we have to kill him? I mean, who is he?" / Batthwack has an Aura of Courage: "You and friendly creatures within 10 feet cannot be frightened."
* 297: I Would Use the Word "Rubbing": Eric describes Batthwack's Robe of Eyes: "A gout of blood spurts out, splattering a few of those eyes on your robe. You can still see her though! It's coated in eyes, so even if you get blood in some of those eyes, you still see."
* 298: AS YOU FIIIIISH: Alex clarifies the assistance Batthwack got when snapping off the dragon's tooth: "I was just compelled? Or it was like I was shoved or pushed or...?" Eric: "It certainly did not feel that aggressive. It felt like a guidance." / Batthwack goes through the door in Savnok's head that requires him to choose a memory to lose: "Batthwack has gone through the door. [...] Batthwack, and you don't feel like anything's changed. [...] Meta-wise, what you told me you want to forget, you don't remember, but you don't know that. You don't remember it, because you don't remember." / Batthwack goes through the second "random memory" door: "How old is Batthwack?" [...] Alex: "He's 31." Eric: "I need you to roll me a D31. [...] Just to be consistent I need you to roll a D100. [...] I will make a note of that. Continue. [...] Nothing appears to happen Batthwack you feel the same as when you step through."
* 303: This Is Going to Feel Very Unhelpful: Batthwack (talking about how worried he is that Gully's End will be different when they get there): "Maybe it's good that it's different. Maybe I can go back if it's different."
* 307: I Didn't Eat Any Cheating Cake :(: "Batthwack doesn't actually know very many drinks. He's used to drinking some kind of nasty stuff." / "I can just close my eyes and even in the most tense situations, I can see myself falling into a clear pool of water. Diving, like a waterfall, like I am a waterfall. It's not a belief, but... I don't know... there's something about it."
* 309: I'm Wearing My Cinderblock Pants: Alex (on killing Ricardo Odysseus): "Batthwack would not have done that. But it's done now. There's very little to do about it."
* 314: We're Right Ear: KT (on Batthwack's "Ally" bonus): "I could feel that Batthwack is protecting... he just protects people!" [...] Adam: "I feel like Alex / Batthwack feels trapped into either it's an ally or it's an enemy." Alex: "Batthwack certainly does." Eric: "If you hate binaries, you're not gonna have a great time with Batthwack." / Eric: "And there's this gleaming golden (whether it's plated or gold-through) flail in the hand of Batthwack Medrach."
* 320: Me Did Not Write That: Eric: "As far as Raphina and Will know about Batthwack's backstory, he's not a king."
* 323: A Non-Binary Scarecrow: "The ink on the envelope is running in the rain, but you can still make out that it says 'To Ex-King Batthwack.' [...] You open up the envelope. As you're handling it, feels like it was coated with something that the letter inside seems mostly intact, with a few drips here and there, but it's definitely still legible. It's written in a hand with sort of a flourish. It's like a mix between a flourishing hand and a scrawl. And it says: 'You dare enter my future realm, pretender king? Zantras has no use for you anymore, you weak would-be hero.' And it's signed 'Juliette Rusher.'"
* 329: Some Kind of Horrible Piano Accident: Will: "[Batthwack] You're probably the villain in the story, or whatever, yourself." Alex: "Is Will smiling when he says that? No, course not!" KT: "Yes! He does. He teases Batthwack all the time. He'll deliberately smile... Part of me sometimes reads... and forgive me if this is not accurate, but... Batthwack seems almost like he's on the spectrum. And I think Will would be appreciating that and being, just to make sure you understand I'm joking, he cracks a smile to make sure that he knows that he's not actually just trying to insult him."
* 333: Less Than Kind: Batthwack is startled when Will reveals Trofast's codeword: "Will! Did Trofast say that? Did he say 'renaissance'? [...] This is real Will. He's out there. I mean, they're out there. I don't understand it, but we can find them. [...] I've been looking for them this whole time. I mean, I thought they were dead. [...] They might not be. When we fled, we became... We were in a really terrible circumstance. We're lost, we're out in the wilderness. It's very hard for me to always protect them under those circumstances. We weren't doing very well. And then we got separated. And we were far from help. I looked all over for them, but I was never able to find them again. [...] I looked everywhere. I didn't know what to do. And then I ended up in Barovia. [...] When Zantras talked to me, he told me that they were still alive. And I assumed he was lying." [...] Will: "Were people chasing? What was happening?" Batthwack: "We were fleeing. And we weren't given much at all to take with us. We were basically driven out. There are parts of Gully's End that are difficult to navigate and live in and full of danger."
* 334: Grind the Poopdeck!: Batthwack: "It's probably enough just to know that I was banished and my family was too. And I'm surprised the valet is here and is with them, because he was not with us when we were fleeing."
* 335: I Draw the Line at Beating up Funeral Participants: Trofast: "That is what our function is, perhaps, isn't it? To help to reduce the risk to those we serve." [...] Will: "How did you come across Altiyde? How are you with each other?" Trofast: "I've been serving with her." [...] Will: "Why is Altiyde here?" Trofast: "She's not. [...] I'm loyal to him and his family. [...] She's sending me to find her husband, the king! He disappeared! [...] He needs to come and help her and their daughter. [...] They're holed up right now. We have them safe in Gully's End, hopefully, but I don't know for how long. There's thugs going around rounding up all those loyal to Batthwack, to our king. And I'm sure they would be a prime target for them. Of course we have resources so we can keep them hidden away, at least for the time being, but without Batthwack there, it's all falling to ruins. Someone is striving for that throne. We need him. His family needs him. Now. [...] I wasn't hired by Altiyde. I was hired by King Batthwack. I was hired by him for her." [...] Batthwack (to Will in Message): "He's not lying, except I'm not a king. I hired him, but I'm not a king." [...] Trofast: "I'm protecting who I was hired to protect: his wife. That is my sworn duty. [...] They're in Gully's End proper, but it's gonna be hard to get back there. They are rooting out anybody who has any ties to the king. I am I'm sure high on the list. I've never heard of you [Will], so you might be fine. But we're going to have a hard time getting back in there unless you have a better idea."
* 337: The First Time Batthwack EVER Got It: "The name's familiar to me. He kinda looks like that guy, but not really. Talks like him. But Trofast has never called me a king. I don't know what that's about." Will: "So you're not?" Batthwack: "People would listen to me, but I was not a king." / Will: "What army? You have an army?" Batthwack: "Well, no, no, I don't. But I could have Trofast go and find... I don't know... Kivash and Gesh, I don't know, my brothers-in-arms. Maybe some other trustworthy leaders. We could put a shield around ourselves or something." [...] Will: "Who the hell are those people? Who is this? You've never mentioned these people before? Who are these people?" Batthwack: "I don't even know if they'll speak to me. But I fought with them." Will: "Did they ostracise you, or kick you out, or whatever?" Batthwack: "Yeah, or I mean..." Will: "They did?!" Batthwack: "They were expected to! Just like everyone else was." Will: "Well were they there for the stoning, when they ran you out of town or what...?!" Batthwack: "There was stoning, but I had to leave." / Will: "We know your wife and child are fine, because you hired somebody to protect them apparently, not like you did before. Or did you? Did you do that in the other world?" Batthwack: "No... my valet was... everyone abandoned us." / Batthwack "How many [allies] do we have?" Trofast: "It's hard to say, kind of all scattered to the four winds. There's no real unified structure at this point. It's only been a couple of weeks. But, you know how many people were loyal to you. I'm sure that we have many."

## Quotes

* Alex: *"Someone can throw me a rock like we're playing a game of baseball and I'll hit it with my sword and if it* happens *to hit the kid... you know."* Will: *"Yeah! Alright Batthwack it's time to practice. Here we go."* Eric: *"We're bone collectors but also amateur softball players."* KT: *"Is it high arc softball or is it fast pitch, because I'm prepared for both."* Alex: *"Yeah I'll have to not let go of the bat."* Abby: *"Suddenly it became clear, the origin of his name."*

## Gallery

Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice
*The gallery is automatically generated and contains images in the category "Images of Batthwack". Images added to that category turn up in the gallery after a short time.*

## References

1. ↑ 208: Poetic Lichen
2. ↑ 276: Hand-Back-Wrench
3. ↑ 155: Raphino, Lady of Death
4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 323: A Non-Binary Scarecrow
5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 325: I Can Always Hear Raphina
6. ↑ 327: Q-U-E-U-E-F
7. ↑ 324: Hippopollinators
8. ↑ 28: The Fifth Pope of London