Social Media Pets

"*It seems we live in an age where getting a new pet is just as much about showing it off to the world as it is about, you know, caring for it.*"
―Erik
Social Media Pets is the 107th lesson of Internet Comment Etiquette. It was accompanied by Revisiting Social Media Pets. It was released on February 29, 2020.

## Summary

Erik and Narfi sit on the commenticouch and explains that showing off your new pet is more important than house-training it or feeding it. Narfi is unresponsive so Erik tries to look up how to give a dog CPR, but he posts it as a YouTube comment and Narfi dies.

Erik comes back with another Narfi and shows her off on her Instagram page narfithedog. He also links to Narfi's Onlyfans porn account which is just pictures of Erik's nipples. Narfi is a good dog for getting Instagram followers, but the best dog is jiffpom, who has nearly 10 million followers. Jiffpom has a record for running on two legs while Narfi has a record for shitting in the corner, but jiffpom is the only one that got to be in the Facebook keynote address. Narfi wants to play ball, but Erik has to leave a comment so he gives her a diet pill because she's getting fat.

Erik notes that Jiffpom's account is written from the dog's perspective, even though it's clearly the owners making a whole bunch of money. Erik gets Narfi from the power socket so they can take a selfie together, but Narfi does Bill Cosby face. They try again, but then Erik does Bill Cosby face. Narfi uploads it to Instagram and responds to comments by deleting them. She's so cute that she gets a sponsor, but then she plays with the power socket and dies. Erik gets Narfi II and plays the Brain in a Jar ad.

Erik yells at Narfi for eating and has her star in a YouTube channel called Art with Narfi where he uploads videos of her pooping. Narfi replies to some of the comments. Erik tries to put on other videos of animal lovers and their dogs, but he keeps playing videos of Brooke Houts abusing her dog by mistake. She claims to have uploaded the video by mistake and Erik leaves her a comment. He goes back to Art with Narfi and realizes he uploaded a video of himself pooping intensely by mistake. While he's looking at the video's comments, Narfi runs out into a lawn mower and Erik gets Narfi III to continue the lesson.

Erik goes onto reddit to post a picture of Narfi, but he accidentally posts it in a dog-hate subreddit. Instead he decides to look at dogs and cats that became famous on social media because they saved someone's life. He finds a bunch of people in the comments of one of the videos saying that the only way to care about animals is to be vegan. Erik notices that Holiday Fartcruise hasn't been deleted yet, so he uses it to comment on the video. Erik decides that Narfi's best chance is to be a hero. He explains that Jiffpom is the leader of ISIS and Narfi needs to go take him out. Narfi runs for the electrical cord and gets electrocuted.

## Comments

*HOW TO GIVE DOG CPR*
- Erik

*Hey I'm not a total piece of shit loser so there's no way I'm watching an hour and a half fucking facebook keynote address, but can someone give me the timestamp where Zuckerberg shows up so I can go frame by frame to see if he shapeshifts back into a lizard by accident? What I really wanna know is why the lizard people need to spy on us over the internet with websites like Facebook that treat your browsing data like a line of cocaine on my dick when I was a boy scout, when they already have the power to read our minds from their subterranean hollow planet world? I mean at this point I wouldn't be surprised if Facebook paid my dog to collect data on me. Speaking of which, I was on Facebook-owned WhatsApp the other day trying to sell my dog so I could buy plane tickets and film out the window to prove the earth is flat, when the police busted my goddamn door down and arrested me! I thought this shit was encrypted, Mark! But the real kicker is they didn't even arrest me for trying to sell my dog on WhatsApp. No, they arrested me for throwing that old guy off a bridge.*
- Erik

*HELP ME I HUNGRY #aspca*
- Narfi

*good job narfi!!!*
- helloiamjt

*Thanks I'm Narfi and I'm starving!*
- Narfi

*narfi really squeezed out a masterpiece, thanks for that study in brown!*
- sunshine kittin

*Narfi here, subscribe to my onlyfans account*
- Narfi

*Wow. Such talent. I'm impressed by the commentary that the difference between art and shit is perspective.*
- queenie16

*How easy is it to steal food from you?*
- Narfi

*Thank you, your videos have cured me of my depression. Narfi is a hero*
- SMOKE KILLZ

*I gotta poop but my corner’s full so I’mma go poop under the couch where no one will find it*
- Narfi

*I wonder what kind of lesson this will turn into.*
- Gavin

*Hey I just pooped under the couch and ate the poop to eliminate any chance of the poop being found.*
- Narfi

*Erik why*
- nolmihc

*Good morning. Good morning. In less than an hour aircrafts from here will join others from around the world and you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. Mankind, that word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the 4th of July and you will once again be fighting for our freedom not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution but from annihilation. We’re fighting for our right to live, to exist, and should we win today the 4th of July will no longer be known as an American President holiday but is the day when the world declared in one voice, “We will not go quietly into the night. We will not vanish without a fight. We’re going to live on. We’re going to survive. Today we celebrate our Independence Day!”*
- Narfi

*Ploppin' a dook*
- ReallyWolf

*HUNGRY! I HUNGRY!*
- Narfi

*Terrible Lego building a 5 year old could do better*
- TNTMSVideos

*HEY FUCK YOU*
- Narfi

*I'm still trying to wrap my mind around how you upload that by mistake? Did the dog use her laptop to block a punch and it popped in her YouTube credentials? This animal couldn't be in more danger if it was the prison guard who turned off Epstein's jail cell security cameras. I'd sure hate to be the neighbor who has to knock on her door when the animal abuse gets too loud, only to have her open a window and spit a dog at me. I bet this dog has a dead man's switch where if nobody hears from it in 72 hours, it uploads a Duplass brothers Netflix documentary cancelling her. Maybe she needs to whore her pets out for some better sponsorships so she can afford to hire a trainer. Not an animal trainer mind you, but someone to spar with so she doesn't feel like using her dog as a Jiu Jitsu dummy. I hope they remake John Wick with this lady as the lead character because it'll be two minutes long when she kills her own dog before the bad guys even show up.**But hey you know I'm just kidding, she clearly loves her dog and that's why she slaps and spits on it when she thinks nobody is watching. Sorta like how George W. Bush loved America but he still hit us with a 9/11. Speaking of 9/11 this chick looks like she's auditioning to be a dog interrogation
expert at Abu Ghraib prison. I wanna airdrop her on a furry convention and take bets on how many assault charges she racks up in a night. I run an underground dog fighting club and we had to ban her because she kept jumping in the ring to beat up the dogs. I bet her favorite movie is A Dog's Purpose because of how many times the dog dies. But hey, whatever, maybe I'm wrong and the dog deserved it.*
- Erik

- Erik

*I'll bet that dog uploaded this by accident*
- Erik

*Toot toot motherfuckers I just woke up from a beef nap! I'm Holiday Fartcruise you grassy ass bitches Facebook can never delete me, not like I deleted all those squirrels from my backyard with a potato gun. Yo that dog's pretty cool and all but it's got nothing on my dog who has already taken like five huge shits today for perverts on the dark web. I've made so much money off this dog's IBS that I can finally afford that elephant tusk I found on ebay. Once again, Holiday Fartcruise here to stay all of you should read up on Planet X it's that big ass planet hiding behind the sun that's gonna zap us all one day and it won't matter if you're a human or a food animal. You're still gonna get disintegrated.*
- Holiday Fartcruise

## Context

1. ↑ ASPCA stands for American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals
2. ↑ The Abu Ghraib prison facility was used to detain suspected combatants in the Iraq War. A scandal emerged after the guards were found to be torturing inmates for their own amusement.

## Video

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