Dragonstone 33

**Chapter 33**

Egil struggles to speak, and says that Doomy stole his memories. This prompts Arin to take his fist and unclench it, so Egil takes her hand and kisses her fingers, because that's not weird or creepy at all. Arin is apparently fine with this, because, again, poorly-written LotR fanfic.

We then enter Egil's flashback, Silly me, assuming we were going to follow any sort of normal narrative structure! Young Egil is very excited to tell his friend Ragnar that *“We have it!”* “it” being Egil's father's ship. Egil Sr is sick and doesn't want Egil Jr to miss the raiding season, so he's letting him use his ship to go raiding. Isn't it great that our hero is a murderous thief, and likely a rapist?

Think I'm being too harsh? Egil notes that he has *“four unblemished raids under my belt.”* See, this is why most heroic protagonists aren't members of a culture most famous for the brutality of their assaults.

Egil and Rangar whoop and holler for a bit in strangely awkward dialogue, and we learn the name of Egildad's ship, the *Sjøløper,* which appears to be a nonsense word. Therefore, I am renaming it the *Slowpoke* so I don't have to keep using those little *ø* characters.

Egil and Ragnar look over the *Slowpoke,* and Ragnar wants to know where they'll be raiding. See, this isn't any sort of feud with traditional enemies or anything; they're just going to find a community and kill, rape, and pillage. No, I'm not going to let that go. You made your male lead a *Viking raider,* McKiernan; you should have considered the implications of that.

Egildad suggested they raid West Gelen, and Ragnar is displeased at the prospect of *“naught but old men to fight.”* Fortunately, Egil has an alternative: a *“map, rather large”* that he purchased from some random and unimportant NPC. Where this is a map *of,* we're not told. That would seem to be kind of important.

Rangar wants to know were they're going to go and what they're going to do, and Egil explains that they're going to deliver flowers and singing telegrams. No, he says *“What else, Ragnar, but raid, that's what: towns, towers, ships, villages . . .”*

Not making me like your protagonist, McKiernan. Not one little bit.

So Egil rounds up a crew of young hotheads, the older men not being willing to sign up to a raid when their untried captain refuses to reveal the destination. Egil names his crew Hawks of the Sea, *“though Young Wolves of the Sea would have been more accurate.”*

Egil and his Hawks sail off and attempt to take another ship. Smash cut to Egil and the Hawks as prisoners, being dragged into a large stone building by *“Drokken guards.”* They are eventually taken downstairs and shoved into *“the foul mews below.”* Now, the word “mews” is variously defined as the sound a cat makes, a species of gull, a cage for hawks, and a row of stables, in addition to more obscure and less relevant meanings here. Since none of the definitions really fit McKiernan's context, I shall assume the Hawks are being held captive in bird cages, because irony.

Next, Egil is hauled upstairs by two *“Drokha,”* which I assume are Not-Orcs, and a *“swart man.”* He's taken before a Mage, who is gaunt, totally hairless, and has *“grasping”* hands with black fingernails, and wears a red robe.

I'm sure he's nice.

The guards chain Egil to a ring in the floor and leave, and the Mage introduces himself as Doomy. He demands Egil's name, but Egil remains silent. A description of the room is slammed in, and it's full of books and arcane devices and metal ingots and stuff; it appears to be a combination laboratory/library/Evil Wizard Room.

Doomy asks Egil's name a few more times while playing with a set of yellow-hot tongs, but Egil is obstinate. So Doomy does something that causes Egil's will to fight to vanish. He is then taken to another room where he is allowed to bathe and groom himself, and dressed in clean clothes, and then re-manacled and taken to yet another room. This one seems to be a torture chamber – we get a description of all the hideous implements of torture, as well as bloodstains and stench – but has a table set with a sumptuous feast in the middle. There's also an iron door *“barred with three massive iron beams,”* behind which is *“the sound of slow, monstrous breathing and the stench of carrion.”*

Egil is chained here, and immediately begins stuffing his face. Doomy comes in, bringing with him Klaen, one of Egil's crew, whom he ties to a *“slant-board”* and . . . well, tortures him. I'm going to be skimming this section, as I absolutely despise reading about torture.

Egil immediately blurts out his name and any other information he thinks Doomy might want, but Doomy simply laughs and continues with the torture, using smelling salts to awaken Klaen when he passes out. He eventually feeds what's left of Klaen to his mysterious pet.

Doomy repeats this process several times, with Egil forcibly bathed, groomed, and seated at a feast as one of his crewmen is tortured to death in front of him. It's, um, not pleasant, and I'm taking some drinks for it \~/\~/. Eventually, only Egil is left and he expects to be next. Doomy, however, says that he's going to release Egil, because . . . because . . . actually, no reason is provided, not even that it would be a mercy to kill him. There's no hint as to why Doomy has singled Egil out, aside from Egil being a protagonist. I am forced to conclude, therefore, that that is the reason. \~/

Egil swears vengeance on Doomy, and Doomy says he's welcome to try. Egil comes to his senses wandering in Galen with strange gaps in his memory, and finds that he's cursed to relive the torturous death of one of his men each night, all forty of them. I have to admit, that's an effective curse. He eventually makes his way back to Morkfjord, four years after having set out.

Drinks: 3

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