The Pendant of Kultainen

This article is about the song from Kevin & Abi and the Secret of the Golden Pendant. For the object, see Pendant of Kultainen.

"The Pendant of Kultainen" is the fifth track of Kevin & Abi and the Secret of the Golden Pendant

## Performers

Kerttu Aarnipuu as "Ryvyr D Goblin"

Oliver Marsh as "Kevin"

Kiera-Marie Somers as "Abi"

## Lyrics

[KEVIN:] *(spoken)*

Wow! You people are a mess. Ok thank you, could all three of you please go over there for a bit.

[ABI:] *(spoken)*

So what's your gut tell you?

[KEVIN:] *(spoken)*

That they're all idiots. What about you?

[ABI:] *(spoken)*

Well I'm getting a really interesting read of this Kultainen pendant.

[KEVIN:] *(spoken)*

Ryvyr, what can you tell us of this thing.

[RYVYR:] *(spoken)*

They shouldn't have it.

[KEVIN:] *(spoken)*

Right, got it, but what is it?

[RYVYR:] *(spoken)*

Oh, you know, I have the perfect story for just this occasion.

Storytime!

[RYVYR:]

Story story story storytime! (It's Storytime)

all right yeah, baby baby yeah!

Story story story storytime! (It's Storytime)

all night long, oh yeah!

Years ago a volcano spread a famine through our land

The goblin tribe, tried to survive, but there was little food at hand

Muck muck mash was all they had to eat but every day at dawn

A herd of poro ran right by but no one could wake up in time

A stimulant might do the trick to get the hunters on the feet

But goblins, sad to say, cannot score either meth or tea

The pendant weaves these golden leaves

That we steep and use for tea

Like the peeka bees so happy we will be

Golden leaves will make our tea

The pendant weaves so carefully

And then merrily upon our feet we’ll be

The shaman set upon a quest To the mountain of Sumu

And In its crags there lived a hag with magic gifts that they might use

The hag said if I give a gift, the pendant of Kultainan then

A quid pro quo, you must bestow, a favor in return you give

The Court of hags would meet at last and all a pedicure would love

So she agreed though their foul feet, were rancid, gnarled and macabre

I don't mean to make a scene about the court of hags foul feet

But they were really really... I'm not trying to body shame but a little personal hygiene goes a long long way cause trust me their feet were really really gross and stinky.

Though she puked a time or two, she triumphed, brought the pedant back

The goblins we, could make our tea, and hunt the poro's meat at last

The pendant weaves these golden leaves

That we steep and use for tea

Like the peeka bees so happy we will be

Golden leaves will make our tea

The pendant weaves so carefully

And then merrily upon our feet we’ll be.

Story story story storytime! (It's Storytime)

oh yeah!, oh yeah!

Story story story storytime! (It's Storytime)

all night long, all night!

[KEVIN:] *(spoken)*

So the pendant makes gold leaves?

[RYVYR:] *(spoken)*

That we use for tea.

[ABI:] *(spoken)*

You make tea from gold?

[RYVYR:] *(spoken)*

It's amazing.

[KEVIN:] *(spoken)*

Well, something that manufactures gold is definitely-

Woah! What happened to the lights?

(Musical Interlude)

[KEVIN:] *(spoken)*

Why did the lights go out?

[RYVYR:] *(spoken)*

Everyone's gone.

[KEVIN:] *(spoken)*

Oh no, They all fled. We're going to ha-

[ABI:] *(spoken)*

That's not the most interesting thing happening right now.

[KEVIN:] *(spoken)*

It's not?

[ABI:]

No, the appearance of a time door is.

[KEVIN:]

Time door?

[ABI:]

Right there.

[KEVIN:]

I don't see anything.

[ABI:]

I promise you, there's a time door right over there.

[KEVIN:]

How is there a time door?

[ABI:]

Well, there's two likely explanations. It was opened by a person...

[KEVIN:]

Right...

[ABI:]

Or a thing.

[KEVIN:]

A thing?.

[ABI:]

Like for instance, the pendant.

[KEVIN:]

wait wait wait wait. How can a pendant open a time door?

[ABI]:

You’re assuming pendants don't possess consciousness.

[KEVIN]:

How can a pendant possess consciousness?

[ABI:]

Asks the talking mouse.

[KEVIN:]

Huh.

[ABI:]

I'm picking up a call from the pendant from the doorway.

[KEVIN:]

It... wants us to... go through the door?

[ABI:]

Ka-zam.

[KEVIN:]

Did you just say ka-zam???

[ABI:]

Yeah, I'm thinking it could be my new catchphrase-

[KEVIN:]

-Be your new catchphrase. Yeah, we’ll deal with that atrocity in a second. Do we-

[RYVYR:]

It is imperative that we retrieve my peoples’ sacred relic.

[ABI:]

If the pendant is calling to us across time, we should follow.

[KEVIN:]

Well, I’ve never seen a bad idea I didn't go rushing head long towards.