Reverend Gray

## Bio

**Reverend Gray** is a monologue performed by Benny Hill on February 24, 1971 telling the story about a vicar in his town who becomes a missionary in Africa. It is told in front of a cottage façade with a piano accompaniment. It is possibly one of his longest monologues in the series. The Reverend also gets mentioned in The Night After Christmas.

## Lyrics

I've just come out to say how much I miss old Reverend Gray.

Of course, he wasn't everyone's cup of tea.

But, well, I liked his style, he give a service with a smile,

And his sermons had a bit of joviality.

Like sometimes, just for a lark, he'd drop the odd remark,

Just to see that everyone was listening.

Like he'd say, "I know a man named Howes just because the vicar stubbed his toe...

"Right down in the middle of the christening."

And when his fried cod was bad, a lot of people would have got mad,

And told the waitress to tell the chef to tuck his hand in,

But he just looks up and says,

"Miss, it would seem to me that this Is the piece of cod that passeth all understanding."

He says, "'Here, a week last Saturday, we went down East Chatterway,

At a picnic in the caves just for a treat,

I took the choir, and Reverend George," I says, "Did you see the Devil's Gorge?"

He says, "No, I can't stand watching people eat."

Last week, we buried old Fred. We had to cause he was dead.

At the funeral, the vicar meets his Uncle Jack.

He says, "Well then, how old are you?", he says, "Me, I'm 102,"

He said, "It's hardly worth your while to going back."

But he always was a visionary, perhaps that's why he become a missionary,

He went to Africa to help some native tribe.

He come home early one day. We was around there right away...

Wondering what wonderous things he would describe.

He says, "They big Zulus all wears fig leaves, and little pygmies, they wears tea leaves,"

Oh, he had some intriguing tales to tell.

I says, "'Here, tell me about the pygmies, do they really practice polygamy?"

He says, "They don't have to, they do it rather well."

He says, "I met this plate-lipped Ubangi lass in this tall jungle grass,

And I asked her to direct me to the ship.

She says, "I'd like to answer you, but I find that hard to do,

Beause you see, you're standing on me bottom lip!'"

He says, "They get drunk and go into a trance, and gets up and starts to dance,

On broken glass and sharpened bamboo roots,

And burning red-hot coal, and it don't hurt them at all,

'Cause you see, they wear these great big metal boots."

Well, one day he packed his tent and back to Africa he went.

Beause he had faith, of that there was no doubt.

Like when he seen this lion limping with a thorn stuck in its foot.

He just went up and he gently took it out...

And then he said a little prayer, and he blessed the lion then and there,

And stroked its mane, and this great big lion let him.

And then to show it could understand, it went up and it licked his hand,

And raised its paw, and knocked him down and ate him.

I don't like this new vicar we got, and his wife, she ain't so hot.

He refers to her as "My good lady, Ellen."

She walks around in fancy clothes like she got a smell underneath her nose,

And half the time, he looks like what she's smelling.

I tell you when I first got my place, that garden was a disgrace.

I tell you it looked just like a wilderness.

Well, I worked day and night until I got it right...

Until I had cleared up the rotten mess.

Well, they too come past one day and sees my floral display...

And my lawn all smelling sweet and newly mowed.

He says, "It shows what God can do with a little help from you."

I says, "You should've seen it when he had it on his own."

Still, I'll see Reverend Gray again when my turn comes to go and then...

I sees it in me mind's eye every day.

There would be a band of happy angels all laughing fit to bust.

And telling them the tale will be Reverend Gray...