Headhunters 3: The Ferocious Fifteen

## Introduction

It was close until it wasn't anymore.

When Return of the Mac left Dalvin Cook in his starting lineup, it seemed like destiny that the Fantasy Gods would punish him with a week five exit. After all, there is nothing the Fantasy Gods hate more than not setting your lineup. As a shot across Mac's bow, they knocked JuJu Smith-Schuster out for the season mid-game.

But the Gods are also merciful. They want you to redeem yourself. It turns out Mac was in California and got tripped up by the time difference. As Pat can attest to, time zones are hard. Caught up in the three-hour quantum warp, Mac forgot that he needed to have his lineup set by 10am, and so Cook "took the field." Glorio the great and powerful Fantasy God is willing to let this one slide.

Fate had other plans for Return of the Mac, and a huge 26-point night from Michael Pittman sent him to week six while sending another team home headless...

## In Memorium: Shotti's Bugatti

I've been waxing poetic about Shotti for years. In all my seasons, I have never seen a level of dominance quite like the run I saw him make from 2015-2017 in my main league. Three straight championships on the back of Melvin Gordon, all while setting league scoring records. But even the great dynasties fall, and Shotti's Bunch was no exception.

In comparison, Shotti's Bugatti has never been considered anything close to great. They were eliminated in week seven last year and finished week five this year over 230 points behind the leader. Understanding the urgency of his position, Shotti won Damien Harris with a huge bid of over $200. It was a move that signaled his lack of trust in the state of his RB position. He also placed a massive $305 bid on Hopkins and still managed to lose out by several hundred. Bids of over $100 were placed on several other players. So Shotti was fully aware of the need to make moves, but early Headhunters bids always tend to be way higher than expected so he came away mostly empty handed. Dame Harris's 12.55 was probably not worht the price of admission.

Another big thing was that Shotti could not figure out his QB situation. Matt Ryan struggled early, so he turned to Derek Carr in week four. That was right as Ryan got going and Carr hit a brick wall. Injuries to flex guys like Tee Higgens didn't help, and Melvin Gordon put up his worst game of the season in week five when Shotti needed him most. It was a dark way to go out for a team that has had so much success with Melvin over the years. Maybe this isn't the format for Shotti, or maybe he just keeps getting unlucky. In either case, he is no longer with us so it doesn't matter.

Time for an engine check.

Shotti's Bugatti:

## Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021)

This and all other charts adjusted to reflect Bobecue Chicken still alive and Pats a bitch extinct.

Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021)
 It's Blitz! Track 2
 Shotti's Bugatti

## Dead Money

Keeping track of all the cash that never got spent by teams that are now eliminated.

Dead Money

## Week Six

Went back to my introduction and turns out we had planned for week six to be a single-elimination, with Wheel of Fate coming back for weeks 7-12. So let's stick with what I had planned from the beginning. One team going home in week six!

## New Releases

Last place teams are still pretty fucking bad but there is some star power here that will command a few big bids like last week.

1. Travis Kelce
2. Adam Thielen
3. Damien Harris (Again)
4. Melvin Gordon III
5. Derek Carr

## Week Five Bidding Results

#### Quick-hit thoughts

* As much of a breakout guy Renfrow has been, Titanic overbid by a hell of a lot. With the $302 spent on AB and Williams, the $75 spent on Renfrow is a huge chunk of precious wasted funds that he cannot get back.
* Bad VRs is showing their hand as an aggressive bidder early on despite already having a powerful team. They don't seem content to wait around until funds are depleted. They want a stacked roster now so they can coast to the finals.
* Will Damien Harris be this year's DJ Moore? Who else remembers the 2019 Moore curse, where three teams got eliminated shortly after winning DJ Moore in a bid? It got so bad I'm almost positive people stopped bidding on him simply because they were afraid of the curse.

Last Year's most expensive week five player: D'Ernest Johnson ($70). Non-Elim bidding is hilarious.

## Money Spent Per Week

Money Spent Per Week
 3
 4
 5

## Week Five Results

* Biggest Climber: Last Matt's Standing (^12)

* Biggest Faller: The Guilloteam (v8)

## Kings of the Castle

### 1. The Titanic

With how much money this team has spent over the last two weeks, they better be the fucking top scorer. And they'll need to stay that way for a long time with only $122 left, or approximately 1.75 Hunter Renfrows. Now we face a sad reality: all that money spent, and Titanic hasn't a single TE on his roster playing in week six. Pitts has his bye, and there is no chance he gets Kelce for $122.

### 2. Last Matt's Standing

This team is the embodiment of the snip-snap-snip-snap Michael Scott gif. They dropped 11 spots from weeks three to four, then back up 12 spots in week five. Losing Kittle cost them depth at TE, which was one of the big benefits to the merge in the first place.

### 3. Beach McBungalow

Arguably the team to beat. They finish third in scoring, have CMC about to come back, and have their entire budget. Other than the VR Alliance, no team is in a better place through five weeks.

### 4. Bad VRs

Speaking of Bad VRs, is this team ever going to finish in first place? I thought they were this unstoppable force? I guess it's all part of the plan. Please hold for world domination.

### 5. I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls

Lost starting TE Maxx Williams to IR and they've already shown they are willing to bid big for star-power. Could they be risking it all for Kelce this week? Dere-Lick is the first and only team to pass 1,000 points so far this season.

## On the Chopping Block

### 15. The Guilloteam

If I know anything about Pat he is about to spend $700 this week to boost his team. Most of that will go to Kelce, because this man is obsessed with Kelce and sick of not having a good TE on any team in his entire fantasy arsenal. But he'll throw some dough at other guys too. End of this week he will be 1.) a lot better and 2.) a lot poorer.

### 15. Return of the Mac

This man has been living on the Edge of Extinction for a hot minute now. He is basically Indiana Jones sliding under the closing door on repeat. Most of us get to this point at some point in the season, but for it to be this early is harrowing.

### 14. Sloppy Seconds

Ever since his resurrection, Sloppy has been pretty quiet. He is certainly performing better than his original self, but not really lighting it up either. For now, my man is probably content just being alive but if the desperate teams below him go all out than he could be facing elimination in week six.

### 13. Mixon Beer with Liquor

Going up and down the defending champ's roster, it seems like RB, TE, DEF, and QB are all in pretty good shape. But WR continues to be a huge issue. We'll see if he can bring in some help this week. Also someone should probably reach out to him and remind him he has an immunity idol.

### 12. Ya Hate 2 See It

I don't think I've ever seen anything like the way that Hate 2 See It has his roster constructed. He dropped two bench guys on September 15th and again on October 5th. He hasn't picked anyone up since. He has four empty roster spots just hanging out. It's borderline serial killer stuff. It's not like he isn't playing. He placed $200 on Hopkins, $100 on Metcalf, some $0 bids on lower-ranked players. He just...doesn't have a bench. It's insanity.

## Average Scores of Eliminated Teams

Average Scores of Eliminated Teams
 Pats a bitch
 It's Blitz! Track 2

## Narrow Defeats

Margin of Defeat for Last Place Teams:

Margin of Defeat for Eliminated Teams
 Shotti's Bugatti
 Pats a bitch

## Rulers of the Kingdom

2021 first place finishers:

Top Scorers by Week
 2
 3
 4
 5

Titanic finishes 1st place in week five for the second year in a row.

## Dungeon Dwellers

2021 teams that finished second-to-last, narrowly avoiding elimination:

Low Scorers by Week
 2
 3
 4
 5

A different king and dungeon dweller each of the first five weeks has never happened before. Love the diversity.

## Single Season Scoring Records

As teams get eliminated their season will be added to the record books.

## All-Time Combined Points Scored

As teams get eliminated, their updated totals will be added to the record books.

## CONCLUSION

That's all for this week! Little late again so I'm sure all your bidding is in and by the time you're reading this everyone's already won their players. But enjoy anyway and happy hunting!