CPU Kerfuffle 3

## Fighters

* Wild Gremlin: Bowser Jr., 7th place
* Florida Man: Joker, 7th place
* Spriteman: Mega Man, 5th place
* Carly Rae Jepson: Lucina, 5th place
* Richard: King Dedede, 4th place
* Sword Goku: Hero, 3rd place
* The Saltiest Gamer: Ness, 2nd place
* Home MD: Doctor Mario, 1st place
* Hamburger Helper: Ridley, Reigning Champion

## Matches

### **Exhibition**

Squid Jenny versus Watch Monkey on Find Mii. With Monkey Watch playing, it would seem as if Watch Monkey has an advantage, but Squid jenny shows that that is not the case. She is able to get the first KO with a bury punish, with Watch monkey firing back with an up smash. After an unfortunate SD Squid Jenny is able to get a bomb kill, followed by an up air kill to close out the game.

Winner: **Squid Jenny**

### **Round 1**

#### **Sword Goku vs. Wild Gremlin**

Sword Goku dominates game one on Great Bay, getting the first KO with an up tilt. Gremlin is able to score a kill soon after with a forward smash into the blast zone, just in time for Sword Goku to come back and kill with a whack. Gremlin cannot gain his momentum back and loses to a dash attack at the edge of the stage.

Game two goes to Castle Siege, where Sword Goku gets another early lead with Kaboom, before dying to Gremlin's exploding up b. Both players go on the defensive, and right as Gremlin starts playing the offense, he gets back aired into oblivion. Sword Goku keeps up the pressure, ending the match with a second early Kaboom kill to win the first set of the tournament.

Winner: **Sword Goku**

#### **Carly Rae Jepson vs. Spriteman**

Game one goes to Yoshi's island with an explosive start from Spriteman. After zero-to-deathing CRJ, Spriteman is able to camp her out until he takes a second stock, putting him firmly in the lead. CRJ is able to fire back, taking a stock with a parry into forward smash. She continues to come back, landing a parry up smash to even the stocks before losing game one to a back air off of halo.

Game two starts with a much better showing from CRJ on Rainbow Cruise. Despite actually playing this game, she still loses the first stock after whiffing a neutral b. Since Spriteman is at high percents, she's able to take a stock quickly with a forward air. Spriteman does not give up, landing a back air to close out stock two. On her tournament stock, CRJ just cannot gain any momentum, and drops to an up smash from Spriteman.

Winner: **Spriteman**

#### **Richard vs. The Saltiest Gamer**

Round one goes to Halberd where Richard easily takes the first stock with a dash attack. The Saltiest Gamer, who will now be referred to as TSG, takes a while to take a stock with a juggle combo. Richard, who can easily cover TSG's options, racks up the percent and finishes TSG off with a back air. TSG, continuing to juggle, is able to even the stocks up pretty quickly with a chain of PK Thunders, but this does nothing to stop the brutal forward smash that Richard uses to take the match.

TSG, being basic, takes the game to Battlefield where he is unceremoniously comboed and spiked into oblivion. Following this display, TSG begins to play lame, but forgets the second part of the adage "play lame win game" because despite a PK Thunder gimp, he cannot stay anywhere near the lead. He gets taken out by an up smash before going full wifi with a PK Fire chain and an up air kill. Richard easily takes TSG out with an up air, winning the set.

Winnner: **Richard**

#### **Florida Man vs. Home MD**

Game one goes to Final Destination, where Home is able to take a lead. Without taking much from Florida Man's stand Flo Rida, Home is able to take stock one with a nasty spike, which he uses to build momentum an damage until Flo Rida comes back and takes a stock with forward air. Home is able to brawl with Flo Rida, even at high percents, and takes a stock with a down smash. After another brief encounter with Flo Rida, Home is able to take game one with a forward air.

Game two goes to Florida itself! Norfair, canonically in Florida, gives Florida Man home field advantage. Home MD cannot handle the house call, and SDs at zero after brutally beating Florida Man. After parrying a down tilt and landing a forward smash in return, Home is back to even stocks. Florida Man found lying on sidewalk, shouts Persona and summons the devil himself. After the match is put on hold for several minutes due to Home needing to resuscitate the commentator after he died of laughter, the good doc takes another stock from Florida Man with a down b. After summoning Flo Rida, Florida Man is able to even up the stocks with a back air. The equilibrium doesn't last long, as Home hits Florida Man with a down smash to diagnose him with losers bracket disease.

### **Losers Round 1**

#### **Wild Gremlin vs. Carly Rae Jepson**

With the battle going to Midgar, an CRJ coming out of the gates swinging, Wild Gremlin needs to find something to give him an edge. Something that he might find in the blast zone after getting stage spiked. It seems that he found a rapid jab in the depths of Hell, because he takes stock one with one. CRJ, feeling like he needs some more tricks and sends him back with an up tilt. Wild Gremlin evidently picked up some kill power and uses a down smash to take a stock, CRJ doesn't seem impressed and ends game one with a fully charged shield breaker into forward air.

Wild Gremlin takes the fight to Gamer, and shows off what he learned in the blast zone. He takes stock one after the fighters play defensively for a minute. Gremlin stays in the lead, taking another stock with some crazy off stage play. It seems like Gremlin is going to win this, but anyone who has seen the bracket knows what is about to happen. CRJ, at 110%, takes stock one from Gremlin and proceeds to zero-to-death him like it's nothing. Carly, tanking a rapid jab, smacks Gremlin offstage and gimps him again. Taking a reverse three stock, and winning the set.

Winner: **Carly Rae Jepson**

#### **The Saltiest Gamer vs. Florida Man**

Florida Man takes local angry child to church, summons the devil to fight beside him. After an intense showcase of Flo Rida's abilities, TSG is able to take stock one with PK Thunder's second, cooler hit. Florida Man, no longer content with shooting a child in the face, takes TSG's first stock with an up smash. Flo Rida's ability kicks in, letting Florida Man juke TSG into SDing with PK Thunder while on stage. TSG, absolutely annoyed, takes Florida Man's stock with a back air. Florida Man, going full hubris, up bs directly up and loses game one to TSG's up air.

Game two, as is tradition with Florida Man, goes to a land of pure chaos, WarioWare. Keeping with the theme of chaos just happening, Florida Man takes stock one by gimping TSG with his own body. Pushing his luck, Florida Man stays on the offensive and doing the unthinkable, living at 170% on WarioWare. Florida Man is able to take another stock off of TSG with Flo Rida. Finally dropping to a neutral air, Florida Man is poised to win the game, and with Flo Rida making another appearance he does.

Game three goes to Mario Maker, a very Florida Man stage. Using the randomly generated walkoffs, Florida Man gets an easy lead with a forward throw, and losing it to a neutral air near the edge. Florida Man continues the trend of gaining a lead and losing it quickly with the game going to last stock. Florida Man, respecting the cut of TSG's jib, drops into his up smash and loses the game.

Winner: **The Saltiest Gamer**

### **Round 2**

#### **Sword Goku vs. Spriteman**

Game one goes to Delfino Plaza, with an early game lead from Sword Goku who uses every spell and button he has to take Spriteman's first stock. Continuing the trend of pressing every button available, Sword Goku continues to throw out hitboxes and manages to keep winning, even taking another stock from Spriteman. Unlike most shonen protagonists, Sword Goku does not wait for Spriteman to power up and wins game one with an easy three stock.

Spriteman goes to Pilotwings, but it's second verse same as the first and Sword Goku easily takes stock one with a forward smash. Showing that he isn't going down without a fight, this time, Spriteman takes a stock with an up air, only for Sword Goku to come back swinging with a dash attack kill in return. Spriteman just cannot get an advantage, only bringing the game to neutral stocks after taking enough percent to die from any of Sword Goku's hits. Spriteman can only go defensive for so long, and dies to a rogue up smash.

#### **Richard vs. Home MD**

The game goes to Yggdrasil's Altar with a dominant start from Home MD. After getting close to evening the game out, Richard is flung off stage by an up air at ledge and Home is in the lead. Home continues to keep his lead by diagnosing Richard with dying at fifty percent with a clean down b. Richard is finally able to take a stock, landing a forward smash at high percents. Home MD just does not let up with his offense, taking Richard's last stock with a forward air across the stage to win game one.

Game two goes to Skyloft, with Home going for a nasty forward smash to take stock one. Richard, never one to look a gift stock in the mouth, dash dances in the face of a Home SD. If he would have watched Home's previous match, he'd know that hubris would be punished and punished it was with Home taking a stock with an up smash. Richard is able to fire back with a back air, but he is on borrowed time. Home MD doesn't SD unless he knows he doesn't need the stock, and he proves this with the patented Home M. Yeet, or back throw in Layman's terms.

Winner: **Home MD**

### **Losers Round 2**

#### **Richard vs. Carly Rae Jepson**

Game one goes to New Donk City, with the fighters going for a very defensive start. This ends as soon as Richard goes on the offensive and does not let up. He takes stock one with a spike, attempting a second before CRJ takes his stock as well. Richard, knowing the stage since he does live in New Donk, is able to take another stock by forcing CRJ to recover low and die to the stage changing. Richard goes for a greedy up b only to be met by CRJ's sword evening up the stocks. Richard is able to pull out a game one win with a back air of his own, dropping from the stage to do so.

Game two goes to Pokemon Stadium with an even star. CRJ is able to take her lead, back airing Richard off of the stage, but Richard shows that his title of Lord and his PhD came with the ability to forward air her to even the stocks. Richard is able to keep the momentum going with a parry into down smash, and CRJ proves her fearlessness by grabbing him out of a dash attack and finishing him off with an up b. Now on last stock, the fighters go all out, with Richard being able to combo her to death right off of halo to win the set.

Winner: **Richard**

#### **Spriteman vs. The Saltiest Gamer**

Game one goes to Jungle Japes, both fighters staying neutral for a good portion of the match. TSG is finally able to take a stock over two minutes in, and Spriteman taking the next stock a few seconds afterwards. Another minute and a half go by before TSG takes another stock, using back throw like the degenerate gamer he has proven to be. Another minute and a half go by until Spriteman evens up the stocks. Because of tournament rules, TSG wins game one due to having less percent before sudden death.

Hopefully this next game will be more interesting, and with Wuhu Island and Monkey Watch it is an automatic improvement. TSG, showing his stuff, takes stock one with a metal blade Z drop into neutral air to take stock one. TSG, continuing to style on Spriteman, takes stock two with a PK Magnet to forward tilt. Spriteman is able to take a stock with an up smash, but cannot take the comeback after being back aired out of the tournament.

\*Note: Due to a rule shift, a game three was called that TSG won, given that it did not matter in the long run, it has not been included.

Winner: **The Saltiest Gamer**

### **Richard vs. The Saltiest Gamer**

Game one goes to Yoshi's Story, with TSG going for an insane early kill with PK Thunder to take stock one. TSG continues his streak by just doing it again. Richard is able to take a stock, using an up air like their last encounter, but unlike their last encounter he is firmly in disadvantage. Richard continues to show that his fatal flaw is hubris, dying to a PK Thunder, albeit the first hit this time, three times in one match because he kept jumping into it.

Game two goes to Dream Land, with TSG hopped up on all the Mountain Dew he can find. After dodging everything Richard had to throw at him, until he takes a nasty forward smash. After sending a Gordo to space, TSG takes a stock by sending Richard to the blast zone with a back air. TGS cannot keep his momentum up, and drops to another forward smash and evens it back up with a down air to up air combo. Richard is able to take the game, landing a few crucial hits and closing it out with an up smash.

Game three goes to Mementos, with TSG nearly killing to the drop of Last Surprise. He is able to get the kill, albeit later, with a PK Thunder juggle. After standing still on the slopes, TSG gets taken out by a Richard back air. TSG, going for a back throw, nearly kills Richard and has to resort to his old PK Thunder juggles to do so. Staying nearly untouchable, TSG takes the set with an up tilt.

Winner: **The Saltiest Gamer**

### **Home MD vs. Sword Goku**

Game one goes to Magicant, a stage known for being weird. Home MD seems to have experience in this matchup, having patched up many heroes in his life, because he interrupts nearly every menu that Sword Goku enters with a pill and interrupts his life with a back throw out of the blast zone. Sword Goku lands a spike, but Home MD has found the cure to losing so he recovers easily. Home MD does not have the cure for Kaboom, and is taken out by that. Home MD takes a moment to break the hippocratic oath, and decides to do only harm by fully charging an up smash in Sword Goku's face and killing with it. Sword Goku keeps on swinging, hitting a parry down smash to even the game up. Home MD seems like he has some work to do, as Sword Goku injures himself in a recovery related incident to end the match.

Game two goes to Town and City, with a discussion of Hamburger Helper's possible usage of performance enhancing drugs. This is quickly overshadowed by Home MD breaking out the defibrillators after hitting Sword Goku with the Heimlich because he seems to be choking to death. Home continues to absolutely rock Sword Goku, taking another stock with his cyclone, and then prescribes Goku a second dose for the three stock.

### **Sword Goku vs. The Saltiest Gamer**

The fighters head next door from Town and City to Smashville. Sword Goku takes a glorified SD as he jumps directly into an oncoming PK Thunder, like he's Richard or something. TSG, who wasn't able to recover anyway, gladly takes the trade. TSG, after juggling harder than he's ever juggled before, takes a stock with a down smash at ledge to cement himself in the lead. Sword Goku, playing incredibly safely, takes a stock with Sizz but quickly throws it away by SDing after over committing for a spike.

Game two takes the fighters to Pokemon Stadium, with Sword Goku actually playing. The resident spiky haired protag is able to take stock one with a fully charged fireball, but that lead is squashed with a well placed TSG forward air. Sword Goku, egged on by two Vegeta voices from the commentators' box, is able to take an easy stock lead with his spells, and take a second stock with his fireball.

Game three goes to Pictochat, and the resident gamer is emboldened by Monkey Watch. TSG takes stock one, after some spell based edge guarding by Goku, with a back air. With Sword Goku content with spending the whole match in menus, TSG gets another easy kill with a neutral air. TSG, doing something only Hero mains seem do be able to do, ends the match with a one move zero-to-death by spiking Sword Goku into the blast zone.

Winner: **The Saltiest Gamer**

### **Grand Finals**

Game one goes to the Pirate Ship, with Home MD seeming ready to scold the gamer on his sodium intake. TSG, being the first to do so since Florida Man, takes a stock lead on Home MD with a back air. TSG keeps it up, and goes on to be the first to ever take a two stock lead on Home MD with his down smash. Home MD, deciding that he is not above murdering a child, takes stock one with a disgusting down b. TSG, powered up by The Saltiest Ocean, takes game one with a back air.

Game two goes to Green Greens, which Home encouraged TSG to eat because he is severely in need of nutrients. Home MD, seeing that TSG hasn't slept in days due to Super Smash Brothers Melee, sends him to bed by interrupting a PK Thunder with a spike. Home MD, proving to also be a psychiatrist with how far in TSG's head he is, baits TSG into the little pit to facilitate an SD. Twice.

Game three, on Dracula's Castle, starts with Home going deep into the blast zone for an early kill on TSG. TSG is able to come back, comboing the good doc to even the game with an up air. TSG goes from tied to in the lead with a PK Thunder to close out stock two, with Home MD using the next PK Thunder to even the game out. TSG, looking primed to reset the bracket gets cocky. Home MD hits the win button, and down bs TSG out of the tournament.

### **Championship Match**

The fight goes to Hamburger Helper's new stage pick, Unova League. The fighters stay even, until Hamburger Helper lands an off stage neutral air to knock a stock off of the doc who evens it up with an up smash. Hamburger Helper continues to trade offstage, but that's a win for him when his opponent has a terrible recovery. Home MD triest his best to take a stock, but the one time he gets close, Hamburger Helper grabs him and drags him down. Using his stock lead to ensure a victory.

Winner: **Hamburger Helper**