Boots the House Down

**Boots the House Down** is a live stream one shot hosted on twitch. In it, a trio of queens wake up after a wild party with hazy memories of their quest to find a legendary artifact.

## Synopsis

Butylene O'Kipple, Irene Dubois, and Londyn Bradshaw awake in a windowless stone chamber lit by dozens of candles dripping wax down the walls. Gorgeous people are sprawled over sarcophagi, dressed for a ball, wearing carnival masks. None of the three quite remember how they got here, even momentarily surprised by their appearances. Butylene finds her buttcheeks hurt. Londyn recalls she can talk to animals as a spider crawls over her and tells her to move out of its way.

The trio go find the snack table, covered in array of options from potato chips to charcuterie. Londyn finds a bag of Jalapena Cheetatos in her clothing and munches on them.

They recall they came here looking for something as someone walks up. They say they met Londyn last night, she recalls talking but doesn’t remember much but their high credit score. They say their name is Alex, and Londyn notices two wounds on his neck. Alex says it was the vampirates. The queens check themselves. Irene has none, Butylene has none (being resistant to piercing damage). Londyn finds two marks on her neck. Alex says Lucia, queen of the vampirates, likes to bring together people for a tasting party before wandering off.

Irene flashes back to last night to a vampire telling her that their rule is that people are only bitten with permission, and get to ask for something in exchange. Londyn recalls the jalapaneo cheetatos she is snacking on were what we she bargained for. Butylene recalls wanting to get bit, but the vampire couldn’t get their fangs to work.  They tried to make it work, hence her sore butt, but the vampire left embarrassed.

Butylene then recalls talking to Bella de Ball, a tabaxi bard who had heard of an artifact of the Great Queens in the Vampirate Queen Lucia's Gallery: The Swag Boots. Irene recalls that this relic allow your walk to become so sultry your opponents fall to their knees. While it is believed Lucia only has one, Irene knows that the second boot is inside the first one. Londyn had used her connections with the criminal underworld to barter a bag of Cheetatos to get tickets (before getting new chips from giving blood).

Now that they remember how they got here, the queens look around the room and see stone doors on the far ends. Butylene tiptoes around and hears water at one door and wind at another, but distantly. They choose to take the door towards water, closing the door behind them.

Coming to a t-intersection, Butylene admires the art while Londyn looks for animals (or a comb). From the left she hears flapping wings. They head down the row and find a chamber with catbats. Irene is not having it, but Londyn manages to talk to the bats and ask where the gallery is. They say Gallery Up. Irene doesn’t seem to want to follow their advice, so Londyn tells the swarm to push Irene forward.

Irene bites off a catbat’s head causing the swarm to turn on them. Butylene takes some catnip from her spice pouch. About half go after the catnip, the other half still attack. Irene tries to belch, hoping fire comes out, but only gets hit in the face by the swarm.

Londyn uses *erupting earth* to try and smash two walls against the bats. Everyone gets hit hard, Butylene the worst though.

Realizing that this is all her fault, Irene decides to make a peace offering to the last dozen bats, but doesn’t know how. Butylene suggests she sing. Irene sings (and a wig literally flies past Londyn). All of their performances finally satisfy the last of the catbats.

Heading further along they find a drainage waterway. It is bisected by a metal grate with a locked door. Irene tries to yank open the
door, but it wont yield. Butylene hurls a bomb, damaging the lock. Londyn picks the lock and then kicks it open.

Moving on they hear splashing getting closer and closer. Butylene uses *thaumaturgy* to send a small ball of light down the hall. Skeletons fill alcoves on the wall. In the water they see eels writhing.

Londyn uses *wild shape* to turn into an eel. She tries to talk to them and at first they can only say “Hungry”. When she asks about the Gallery they say “People Up” and warn of “Clear Jelly” ahead. Londyn wild shapes back, but still in the water, and the eels attack her.

Continuing on they see a prismatic light near some stairs. Approaching, Butylene is absorbed into a transparent jelly. Irene gives her a push, and is engulfed as well.

Londyn summons her thorn whip, pulling it from the air above her, and tries to pull Butylene out. The attack loosens the jelly a little, but not much. Butylene casts *firebolt,* doing a small amount of damage.

Irene is enjoying the sensation too much to do anything until she takes damage and flies into a rage. She slashes the jelly with her great ax, and Londyn strikes again with her whip.

Butylene casts *healing word* and then pushes forward, but remains stuck, taking damage. The jelly slaps Irene with a pseudopod, so she takes out a tube of preparation h and sprays it into the jelly, dissolving Butylene free of it. Irene rubs a little of the Prep H on herself, recovering one hit point. Londyn casts *healing spirit* via a dance to heal the party fully.

Heading up the stairs they emerge into an art gallery with paintings, sculptures, costumes on mannequins. Irene suggests Londyn take one and Londyn becomes distracted grabbing a flowy Lycra gown.

Irene sees a plinth in the middle of the gallery. A tall bell jar on top contains the nine inch heeled, jewel encrusted, swag boot. There are a few exits, an upper level, and sunny windows on both levels. There is also a floating skull circling the gallery as Irene and Butylene approach the Swag Boot display.

Butylene douses Irene’s feet in cardamom spice to help her put on the boots as Irene smashes the bell jar. As she pulls on the boots, the flying skull heads towards them and vampire thralls burst through the doors as alarms sound.

Londyn is oblivious pulling on the dress, and looks for a mirror. Dumbfoundedly she pulls on the window curtains to let in more light.

Irene takes a step, the thralls drop to their knees, and the light from the window separates the queens from the thralls. She struts more, and the thralls all end up lying prone on the floor.

The skull, unaffected, flies at them, laughing. From the upper level, Lucia the Vampirate Queen emerges. She is holding a copper dragon in her arms that is conjuring a field around her. She thanks them for their show last night, but says they cant take the boots.

Irene dashes across the room to the window, but Lucia is unaffected. Lucia dashes after her, reaching the shade next to the window.

Butylene hurls a bomb at the curtains over the high windows. They shatter the window and knocks down the curtains and more light comes in. Lucia dodges farther away.

Irene kicks the lower windows, shattering them. Looking outside the group realizes they are on a floating fortress surrounded by war balloons and air ships.

Londyn heads outside and tries to reach a war balloon. Though she has experience with war balloons, she doesn’t recognize this model and needs a moment to get it started.

Butylene suggests Irene command the thralls with the boots. She lays on her back and clacks the Swag Boot heels and does stripper leg kicks. The thralls get up and surround the vampire queen. Lucia dashes away and they keep following her.

Londyn slams a fist on the console and the war balloon activates. It begins to lift off and the others dash over to join her. Butylene catches the bottom, Londyn topples over but catches the side. Irene stumbles and misses it. Londyn throws her whip towards Irene, but misses.

The floating skull follows out the window, and Irene sees another war blimp past the skull. Irene tries to negotiate with the skull, but Londyn uses *gust of wind* to propel the blimp closer to them. Irene jumps on. The skull asks them to take it with them.

The war balloon lifts away and from the fortress as canons begin firing at them. Butylene shoots *firebolt* at the island’s ammunition pile. It detonates it all, sheering off a large chunk of the fortress. The air elementals trapped in the rocks, holding the fortress aloft, are released. The entire island explodes and the house falls from the sky as their war balloon flies away.

 This completes **Boots the House Down!**

### Characters

#### Party

* Butylene O'Kipple - tiefling alchemist
* Irene Dubois - lizardfolk barbarian
* Londyn Bradshaw - firbolg barbarian

#### NPCs

* Alex and other Vampirate Guests
* Vampire (flashback only)
* Vampirate Thralls
* Lucia, Queen of the Vampirates

#### Monsters/Enemies

* Bats
* Eels
* Clear Jelly

## Episode Notes

### Lore

* Rumor says the Legendary Swag Boots, an artifact of the Great Queens, are being kept by the Vampirates in their floating fortress

### Memorable Quotes

* “Honey, trust me I’m looking at nothing but me in the view screen” - Irene Dubois
* “Food safety is very important to me. It’s a tiefling trait” - Butylene O'Kipple
* “By the wounds on your neck it looks like you had a little sucky sucky fun fun last night.” - Londyn Bradshaw
* “Is this an 18 plus chat?” – “It is now!” – Londyn Bradshaw and DM James.
* “Butylene’s rolling blunts for the catbats." - Irene DuBois

## Behind the Queens

* This episode was originally going to be a Q&A with Butylene, Irene, and Bosco, until Bosco was unavailable at the last minute due to work. It became a one shot as a result with a short Q&A after.
* While this episode is standalone, James says it has some connection to an unreleased episode featuring a kickstarter backer as a guest character: Bella de Ball.
* This was recorded on DM Matt's birthday and features many shout outs to him.
* When a stream ends on twitch, the channel can 'raid' another channel, to send viewers to another streamer. They raided Stream Queen Mikki Miraj who was DMing another D&D game with other drag artists, including Jo Mama playing Josephina Paulina of the Fairchild.
* Lucia was named by a Patreon backer, Jennifer. Alex was named for artist Alex Boake, who tweeted about the show on twitter.