Mama, I'm Staying Home

**Mama, I'm Staying Home** is the fifteenth episode of the second series of The Osbournes. It originally aired on the July 8, 2003.

## Summery

The episode begins with Melinda finding out she's a few days pregnant. Ozzy decides to stay home while Sharon, Melinda and the kids travel to New York. Sharon hopes that Ozzy and Robert will spend more time together, but the two mostly avoid one another because they have little in common. Robert spends a lot of time listening to music and dancing in his guest house, and Ozzy cannot get one of the songs out of his head. Ozzy buys a lot of kitchenware, and spends over $600 on candy for Sharon. Meanwhile, Melinda begins to babble on about her pregnancy, Sharon shares the delight but Kelly becomes annoyed with it. Kelly also gets into a playful wrestling match with Sharon.

## Memorable Quotes

"*Sharon,it's my bunker.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Get me some cereal immediately! I'm pregnant and my child is hungry! And I need a drink, quick!* "
— Melinda

"*I've always wanted to have kids but in the last six months I was like "Why wait?" y'know?*"
— Melinda

"*I'll be enjoying the peace and quiet around here.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Don't aggravate your sister!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*I have the house to myself and it's wonderful!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Minnie will help you through the labour. She'll be there with her little paws on your tummy. "Deep breaths!" "Deep breaths!"* "
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Then she'll bite the baby as it comes out.*"
— Melinda

"*I'm forever on the sex channel! Well, it's getting better than the fucking weather channel!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*If, like, my first child's a girl. I'm gonna try as hard as fuck to have a second child that's a boy.*"
— Jack Osbourne in a twist of irony

"*Minnie would look good as an executive behind a desk.*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Fucking Hell! She does this to me all the fucking time. She's talking to someone, while we're having a conversation. I'm stuck like a fucking prick on the phone.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*He's a great little guy, man after my own heart! Let's call him Sparky, he's like a fucking little spark.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*It's Monica Lewinsky in the dog world!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*There you go my son! Make some more fucking dogs for the house.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Fucking Hell Lola! She's spreading the love tonight. Everyday she farts in my face. I think the dogs have a pact to try and kill me! The animal world has got a thing against me, ever since that bat biting thing and fucking...In the animal history books, I'm the bad guy. It's revenge. Animal karma!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*It's called the religious sex shop and he buys underwear from there.*"
— Melinda

"*I can't get that fucking stupid fucking tune out my head!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*There's a million dollar kitchen and no pans!*"
— Tony

"*Are you fucking Polish or something?! You get burnt and you get burnt again!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Look Melinda, you vagina hole is, like, that big normally, right? Normally when you pee it's that big. You have to fit something that's, like, that size to get that big.* "
— Kelly Osbourne

"*You're like fucking Mike Tyson with tits!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*I hate to hear these fucking family feuds going on.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne