Chocolate

> *“What kind of monster could possibly hate chocolate?” - William Herondale*
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Chocolate is a heavenly substance made from cocoa beans, the dried and fermented seeds of the cacao tree, cocoa butter, sugar, milk powder or alternative milk (if it's a milk chocolate), and sometimes the addition of an emulsifier (an additive which help two liquids mix) like E442, an emulsifier used to help prevent the cocoa butter and powder from separating. There are many different types of chocolate, including milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, strawberry chocolate, semisweet chocolate, bittersweet chocolate, unsweetened chocolate, sweet German chocolate, Couverture Chocolate and Ruby Chocolate. The different types of chocolate all come down to the percentage of cocoa butter and chocolate liquor the chocolate contains, as compared to the percentage of sugar, milk, solids, and other ingredients and the types of cocoa beans used (Ruby Chocolate is made from Ruby cocoa beans which is why it tastes different then other types of chocolate). It is a well-known fact that chocolate is delicious. Chocolate is eternal and everywhere--in cakes, in sweets, in beverages. It is more inevitable than Thanos. Chocolate will soon take over the world and all mortals will bow down to it.

Roachocolates are good.

Mint chocolate is disgusting.

## How to make Chocolate

Making chocolate is a long process that begins far before the local chocolate shop or grocery store. It begins with the seeds of the cacao tree, also known as cacao beans. First comes fermentation and drying. The beans are harvested from the pods, and allowed to naturally ferment over a period of two days to two weeks. Heat kills the delicate germinating seed, and natural yeasts grow to develop the flavour. The beans are then dried in the sun to preserve them.Next, the beans are roasted. They are roasted for the same reason that coffee beans are - to develop nice flavors and to drive off acidic compounds which were developed in the fermentation process. Cracking and winnowing the beans follow roasting. This is so that the valuable nibs are separated from the worthless shells. After this, the nibs must be refined and extensive ground as the tongue is very sensitive and the particles need to be very small for a good mouthfeel. The raw cocoa liquor is then "conched," to drive off the rest of the acidic flavoring compounds . Finally, the finished product is tempered to give the chocolate good gloss, snap and taste.

In short, to make chocolate you need a tree with beans, sun, complex machinery and a lot of time. I, the writer of this article, unfortunately, have none of that so I'm just going to stick with getting chocolate from the shop like a normal person. If you decide to make chocolate this way, beware, it will take a lot of space and time and you could have gotten the same chocolate by buying it from a shop but still, it is totally worth the time, money and energy. :)

## Chocolate Overlord

Chocolate Overlord is the god of chocolate. They are the god of all creation and is the true ruler of the universe. They often say "I am Chocolate Overlord, Overlord of Chocolate. The cocoa tree cowers before me," and they are absolutely right.

## Fun facts about Chocolate

* It takes 400 cocoa beans to make one pound of chocolate.
* Each cacao tree produces approximately 2,500 beans in a lifetime.
* Eating chocolate cuts risks of heart disease, so when people tell you chocolate is unhealthy, they are lying - that is, however, true only for chocolates with high percentage of cacao in them. Chocolates you see often such as Twix, Snickers, etc have barely any cacao bean, and have lots of calories and trans fat.
* The average serving of milk chocolate has about the same amount of caffeine as a cup of decaf coffee so instead of drinking coffee to stay awake eat chocolate instead! .... or drink coke
* Chocolate is better than cheese, it is a scientifically proven fact.
* Because cacao trees are so delicate, farmers lose, on average, 30 percent of their crop each year which is very sad :(. Poor chocolate.
* Chocolate is actually healthy: studies have demonstrated that one of the major saturated fats in chocolate does not raise cholesterol like other hard fats and research to date supports that chocolate can be enjoyed as part of a balanced, heart-healthy diet and lifestyle so chocolate is good to keep healthy! This is, again, just stating fact about cacao beans, irrelevent to most of the fat that is in chocolate you would normally eat.
* National Chocolate Day is celebrated every year on the July 7th.
* Chocolate comes from a fruit tree; it’s made from a seed therefore chocolate is a fruit and counts as one of your five-a-day... ignore the fact that this is bullsh\*t. cuz chocolate is good.
* *Theobroma Cacao* is the tree that produces normal cocoa beans, and it means “food of the gods.” Carolus Linnaeus, the father of plant taxonomy, named it. Therefore, if it wasn't already obvious we have more proof that Chocolate is the food of the gods.
* It has been scientifically proven that chocolate is delicious.