Wizard 17

**Chapter 17**

I just put Richard through the Mary Sue Litmus Test, and he got a final score of 84. For reference, a score of 50+ gets a result of “Kill it dead.” Just thought I'd share that.

We learn that Adie's house is in the mouth of the pass though the boundary. The pass is “still the land of the dead,” even though it's “a void in the underworld,” so the horrible death-monsters than dwell within will still want to eat Our Heroes.

We learn that all the bones inside Adie's house are from underworld beasts. Yes, all of them...Adie is apparently a Big Underworld Game Hunter. Apparently, the bones of underworld beasts are helping heal Chase and Zedd.

“Adie's long finger pointed to each wall of the room in turn. 'They be the bones of the beasts. Your friends were touched by things of the underworld. The bones confuse their powers. That be why I said your friends were being helped from the moment you brought them in here. The bones cause the magic poison to leave their bodies, letting the death sleep lift.' “

Umm...huh? Being surrounded by evil underworld-beast bones (yes, even their bones are evil) draws the “magic poison” out of their bodies? Isn't this like treating rattlesnake bite with cobra bite? It sounds vaguely as though the Something that attacked Chase and Zedd is still connected with them, and still sucking out their life-force, but that doesn't fit well with the “magic poison” and “death sleep.” \~/

We learn that Adie lost her foot to a “gripper,” which sounds like a giant, armored pillbug. She was walking through the pass, for reasons which are not explained, and decided to take a nap.

Under – no, inside – the WALL OF DEATH.

Right. \~/

Anyway, she woke up with a giant spiked pillbug of doom clamped onto her foot, so she cut off her foot. So there's that.

Chatter about the pass through the boundary. There's a really narrow pass, creatively called the Narrows, where a single step to either side would spell DOOM! Adie gives Richard a night stone, which will give him light in the darkness, but only “when you have enough need.” What kind of qualifier is that?

Kahlan gets a round bone (a round bone?) on a necklace, which will hide her from the underworld beasties. Richard doesn't need one, because his shark tooth (remember that?) is from a beast and does the same thing. What a good thing he made that dangerous, unnecessary trip back to his house and retrieved it!

Richard stares creepily at Kahlan and notes that she has “the most delicious-looking neck he had ever seen.” o\_O I'm not sure if Richard is developing vampirism, or has a weird neck fetish, but either way that's a drink. \~/

Kahlan angsts about whether she'll live long enough to have a child, which is actually well-written and reasonable, so I'm not going to pick at it. Richard pledges to protect her and any children she may have, and says they'll die fighting rather than live as slaves. Kahlan refers to the “good spirits” again, and we still know nothing about them.

Richard gives Adie a message for Chase to pass on to Michael (whew). The boundary is coming down and Rahl is going to invade when it does, so the Westland should be ready to fight. Then Richard asserts his authority as...err...someone related to the First Councilor:

“ 'If my brother or the army fail to heed my warning, then Chase is to abandon the service of the government and gather the boundary wardens to stand against Rahl's legions. His army was virtually unopposed when they took the Midlands. If they have to shed blood freely to take the Westland, maybe they will lose their spirit. Tell him to show no mercy to the enemy, take no prisoners. I take no joy in giving these orders, but it's the way Rahl fights, and either we meet him on his terms or we die on them.' “

Where to start? Okay, as far as I can tell, Richard has NO authority to order the boundary wardens about, which means he is literally plotting treason against the government. \~/ Second, how many boundary wardens are there? Fifty? A hundred? Five hundred? I doubt they number in the thousands, especially since, back in Chapter 3, Michael “called in all the boundary wardens...[t]o be his personal guard” (emphasis mine). So the wardens are a force of, let's say, a couple hundred. How much damage can they really do to Rahl's “legions?” \~/ Legions drawn from the armed forces of two entire empires, I remind you.

Next, what's this about “no mercy,” “take no prisoners,” and “we have to fight the way Rahl fights?” Aren't the Good Guys supposed to show mercy? And from a purely tactical standpoint, aren't prisoners often valuable? And why in the name of little green apples do the Good Guys have to fight like the Bad Guys? Isn't that one of the defining aspects of the Good Guys, that they don't stoop to the Bad Guys' methods? Isn't that why Good is better than Evil?

\~/

I have a bad feeling about this.

Drinks: 6

<Previous Chapter  -  Next Chapter>