Baker's Dozen

Oh hi there kiddies.  I was just DE-GORE-RATING this STAWSCARY CAKE for a local BOOGEYMAN-BAKE-OFF.  There!  Just a little bit MORGUE of my FRIGHTFUL-FROSTING to go, but in the MEANSLIME, check out a BAKER'S DOZEN DISGUSTING-DESSERTS that a local baker bakes for the town fat guy!

There was a bakery over in the town of Kingsbury, Pennsylvania, back in 1961, where a baker got a freshly baked cherry pie out of the oven one rainy day.  He was singing "Sing A Song Of Sixpence".  As he let the cherry pie cool on the counter next to the oven, he removed his oven mits when he heard the bell above the bakery-door ring.  "Hello, Mrs. Topson, how are you doing today?" the baker said to a woman in his bakery shop.  "Hello Mr. Hinkleberry.  Fine thank you.  How about you?" Mrs. Topson smiled back to him.  "Good thank you.  What can I get you today?" Mr. Hinkleberry wondered of her.  "Just a dozen jelly donuts please, Mr. Hinkleberry.  The kids love them" she told the baker.  "Yes ma'am right away!" Mr. Hinkleberry giggled.  A fat man walked into the bakery and eyed the cakes, donuts and pies in the display case underneath the front counter.  As Mr. Hinkleberry wrapped and boxed a dozen donuts up for Mrs. Topson, the fat guy saw a miniature pie on a counter in the corner, and quickly grabbed it, going out the door.  Mr. Hinkleberry noticed the pie was missing within a few moments and scratched his mustache.

That evening, Mr. Hinkleberry locked up his bakery shop and in the rain, he was approached by a man.  "Excuse me sir.  I have been noticing that you are having a bit of trouble that you are unaware of.  As a baker, you could use this.  I am a doctor" the man informed him.  The doctor handed the baker a vial of yellow fluid and walked off with his umbrella.  "IMPROVES THE QUALITY OF DONUTS!" Mr. Hinkleberry read on the label on the vial.  Mr. Hinkleberry was placing glazed donuts on a tray the next day in his bakery shop, when the fat man came in.  "Mr. Hinkleberry, I stole a pie from here yesterday and I want all of your desserts in your display case!" he explained and ordered him, holding a gun to the baker.  "I-I wondered where that pie went.  Alright, please don't shoot me!!" he gasped in surprise, begging.  Mr. Hinkle eyed the vial on his front counter and quickly injected a bit of the yellow liquid into the thirteen donuts on the tray with a food-injector.  He boxed up the thirteen donuts as he trembled in terror.  "Here, how about a baker's dozen of these mister?" Mr. Hinkleberry suggested.  "Fine those look tasty!" the fat thief grumbled to the baker.  He took the box of donuts and as Mr. Hinkleberry was boxing up a pie from his display case, the box of donuts started wiggling underneath the fat guy's arm.

The thief dropped the box immediately.  "What the heck??" he yelled.  Doughy creatures crawled out of the box in a number of thirteen.  They were like snakes, growing mouthfuls of needle-like fangs, as a red eye like jelly grew on each side of their heads.  The snake-like monsters of dough grew in size to that of an average dog, and the fat crook shot a few of them, as they hissed.  The bullets had no effect on them and they attacked him, sinking their needle-fangs of white into his throat.  He screamed, writhing and wiggling to the floor, and Mr. Hinkleberry ran into the back room screaming himself.  An hour went by, and the baker took a look out front.  He saw a baker's dozen amount of creatures gnawing on the skeleton of the fat thief then.  "Ah, there they are.  Nice and plump from their meal.  I told you sir that my liquid would be of good use to you!" the doctor described to him, standing at the door.  "Oh, uh, yes sir.  Thank you" Mr. Hinkleberry got out in fright.  The doctor quickly gathered up the skeleton into a sack he had with him, and the thirteen monsters hissed away at him as they crawled into the bag as well.  "Good day to you sir" the doctor told the baker and took off with the bag.

Heh-Heh, that ending really TAKES THE CAKE eh, Kiddies?  The doctor knew he would get a BONE-US when he gave his VILE FLUID to Mr. Hinkleberry.  I hope I do good at THE BOOGEYMAN-BAKE-OFF!  I just followed the recipe in my BETTY CROAKER COOK BOOK ha-ha.  Wait until they try the cookies from that.  They're SICKERDOODLES hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!