Under Midgardian Stars

The countryside outside of Halcyon - September 25, 2021

Bea tapped on the steering wheel of her truck finally turning off of the paved highway onto gravel. Bea had managed to rope Brenna to come along by saying that they could go stargazing. It was a clear night after all and it’d be nice to get out of Halcyon for a bit. The sun had also finally started to set as if it’s plans aligned with theirs. Beatrice had just wanted to drive but all the other things were gravy and she figured she deserved that. She watched ahead of her looking for the turnoff a sudden sparkle in her eyes. Beatrice had been distant throughout much of the drive thinking things over but she finally seemed excited by something. “We’re almost there.” He spoke softly. “Sorry for the quiet. I just have been thinking a lot.”

Brenna was fine with the silence. She’d spent the ride alternating looking out at the Midgardian countryside, which she hadn’t seen too much of since she got here, and watching Bea when she thought the other girl wasn’t looking. An affectionate smile filled her face as she saw how excited Bea was.

“It’s okay. A relationship where you can’t be silent together isn’t much of one. Where are you taking me? It seems special to you.”

“It’s a barn. I mean I guess it’s more like a farmyard. There are the foundations of a house on the property. I found it a long time ago after a full moon.” Bea turned down yet another side road, each one looking more deserted and slightly overgrown with creeping plants than the last. Finally she turned down a road that was basically covered in grass towards a particularly dense thicket of trees.

“I think it’s mostly been forgotten and I liked the isolation out here so I cleaned out the barn and the hayloft.” She bit her lip and ran a hand through her hair sweeping it back. Her cheeks flushed slightly as thought of ways to say what she wanted in a way that wasn’t embarrassing. “Dragged some plyboard and tools out here and fixed the hayloft into a room. It’s not a lot but it was somewhere that was just mine that no one else knew about. I wanted to show it to you, I guess?”

Brenna nodded. Bea might be saying it wasn’t much, but it definitely seemed like it meant a lot to her regardless. “I can’t wait to see it. Maybe sometime I can take you out to see the stars on Vanaheim. It’s really beautiful there, although not as special as this.”

They soon broke the tree line and emerged into the farmyard. Abandoned pieces of equipment littered the yard in various states of degradation. The dilapidated skeleton of a house stood off to the side barely holding itself together. The wooden barn however seemed no worse for wear other than some fading dark blue paint. The front doors were even locked with a modern padlock in stark contrast to the rusted latch. Bea stopped the truck right in front of the doors. “We’ll move the truck inside in a minute or we can leave it out there but we should cover it with a tarp. I don’t want to draw attention here and lose my favourite squat.”

He hopped out of the truck making his way over to the door fiddling with his keys. The padlock fell off clattering along the side of the latch. Bea grabbed it before it could clatter to the floor tossing it into her inner jacket pocket. She pushed one of the doors open slowly revealing what looked to formerly be a series of feeding pens. To the immediate left of the door were some workbenches that had less dust than the rest of the barn and to the right a ladder leading up to the hay loft. Bea walked in and leaned up against one of the work benches and folded in on herself and gestured out towards the rest of the room. “Well, uh, welcome to my home away from home, I guess. I last cleaned it before I joined the Big Team so sorry about the mess and about the lack of wifi.”

Brenna took a moment to take it all in. It was very different from the parts of Midgard she’d seen. It shouldn’t be a surprise that there was more to this realm than just the sorts of things she’d encountered in Halcyon, but she hadn’t thought much about the world outside of it. Another small piece of her concept of Bea slid into place, and parts of him made a little more sense now.

“I love it. A little dust never hurt anyone.” Brenna walked over next to Bea and tucked a piece of hair behind their ear, smiling softly down at them. “And what could we possibly need wifi for?”

“I don’t know.”  Bea slid back on to the bench. They patted beside themself offering a seat to Brenna. “I know some people don’t like being without it. I mean this is nothing exciting compared to punching aliens and flying cat chariots”

Brenna sat, and bumped her shoulder against Bea’s. “Well I didn’t exactly sign up for punching aliens. I signed up for a quiet life in the forge with my dad.” Brenna paused. “Um, well, you know, metaphorically quiet. Because uh, you know, the forge is really loud. Lots of clanging and hammering. You probably knew that. Nevermind. Um.” She tugged on a braid at her temple, trying to get her thoughts back on track. “What I mean is that I like it. It doesn’t have to be big and flashy to be important. And uh, you know, it means a lot to me that you trust me enough to show this place to me. Because I can tell it means a lot to you.”

Brenna gave Bea a soft smile, then her face got serious as she remembered something. “Oh, right, the flying cat chariots I did sign up for. But that’s a lot more fun with company.”

Bea leaned over and rested her head on Brenna’s shoulder. The shorter girl’s face didn’t change much as Brenna spoke other than to blink quickly to not let too many tears well up. “I just feel that I need to be the exciting and dangerous one, don’t I? Aren’t heroes’ lives supposed to not be metaphorically quiet? It’s just never-ending conflicts isn’t it?” Her voice grew anxious as she spoke. She interlocked her fingers and balled it into a big singular fist that rested in her lap. “Does your head not stop buzzing over this kind of stuff? Like an alarm clock in your head that’ll go off at any minute and bring danger with it? Which doesn’t leave a lot of time for forge stuff or quiet country hideouts.”

Without moving her shoulder too much, Brenna put her hand on top of Bea's. She rested her cheek on top of Bea's head.

"If you *want* to be exciting and dangerous, that's one thing, but if you don't? Then you don't owe anyone that. Not me, or your old crew, or anyone. And it doesn't sound like you do?" Brenna squeezed Bea's hands gently. "And I do get anxious about things, but they're different. Like about not doing a good job, or disappointing people, or what I'm even supposed to be now. But...if even my father, who was a good Thor and loved it, can settle down into a quiet life if he chooses, anyone can. You don't *have* to be a hero. You can help your aunt on her farm and never throw a punch outside of hockey again. If that's what you want."

She flushed thinking about settling down into a quiet life with Brenna. Bea bit his lip and then thought about what he still wanted to do. All that he had left to prove to everyone. He let out a gentle sigh “That sounds nice. I don’t think that’ll be soon but I think I want that one day.”

After letting a moment of quiet pass just resting against Brenna, Bea spoke up. Their voice was gentle and soothing despite knowing how hard the question was that they were asking their girlfriend.  “Can I ask you about Thor stuff? I mean, like, I guess they are, like, a lot more aggressive than you and y’know maybe a little more violent. Do they pressure you to do more than you want sometimes?”

Brenna’s whole body tensed for a moment. Bea’s hair rubbed against her cheek as she looked down at the Mjolnir bracelet on her wrist. The Thors had Opinions™ about Bea just said, but she took a moment to keep them out of her mind. They weren’t happy about that, but stopped actively trying to beat a doorway into her head. At least for now.

“I...well...yeah. They do. They’ve all killed people, some more willingly and easily than others. Sometimes I’ll see parts of it, when I’m dreaming. Their memories. It’s never the easy parts of their lives, like cooking dinner or taking a walk. Always the fighting.” Brenna closed her eyes, focusing on the feel of Bea next to her to block those memories out. “And maybe that’s part of the magic. The parts of you that make a good Thor are the parts it remembers. You never hear stories about Thor having a nice afternoon, you just hear the stories about how we killed a room full of giants. And the parts that are remembered become all that we are.” Brenna sighed. “That’s part of what makes me a bad Thor. I don’t like violence. I don’t want to kill anyone. Most of them don’t understand that. It’s foreign to them. If I am Thor, then how can I not want to be what Thor is?”

Beatrice nodded along. His expression was somber. “I understand but also that seems like a stupid way of doing things.” Bea rubbed the back of her neck and flushed realizing she had just insulted a lot of Brenna’s ancestors. “Sorry, I mean you think they’d want you to know what the other Thor’s fought for. It just feels like if you want someone to fight then you gotta give them something to hope for?”

Bea drew Brenna in a little tighter and a small smile grew on her face. As Bea spoke all the indignation faded to a soothing half-whisper. “I don’t know, I guess when I fight I think of times like this and places like this. I think of where I want to go and who I am fighting to be and how good it is to live a little longer to see more of this beautiful and tragic reality. What do you want to fight for Brenna?”

*Times and places like this.* Brenna flushed slightly at the implication that she was something that Bea fought for, or at least spending time with her was. But the question wasn’t one she’d ever thought about before. She’d been asked about why she was Thor, maybe about why she wanted to be Thor, but never this. Never why she wanted to fight, apart from the legacy that was dropped onto her shoulders. But then again, Bea always had been good at reminding her that she existed outside of the mantle of Thor.

The answer that readily came to mind was “for Asgard.” That was her home. That’s what her father fought for. That’s what most Thors fought for, at least as far as she could tell. But it didn’t quite feel like the right answer. It was true, she’d fight for Asgard if she needed to, but it wasn’t what motivated her. She fought because she needed to. Because it was expected of her now. Because there were people she wanted to protect and she had the ability to do so. But that still wasn’t an answer to the question. Why did Brenna *want* to fight?

“I’m not sure I want to fight at all,” Brenna finally said. “But it’s a tool I need to use right now. It’s, yeah, I guess something I need, not something I want. I need to figure out who I am, with regards to being Thor, and apart from it. I don’t think I want to go back to Asgard right now. And if I gave up being Thor, or really leaned into it, that’s probably what would happen. I love making things and working in the forge with my dad, but...I don’t want to go back to how things were before I became Thor. I wouldn’t fit back into that spot. I’m different.” Brenna paused and smiled gently. “You know, um, aside from...other reasons I don’t want to leave Halcyon.”

“Say the word and you won’t have to fight another day.” Bea held her girlfriend closer than ever and reached up to stroke Brenna’s cheek with her thumb. She was speaking in dulcet tones which was something rare for her and would sound alien to anyone but those closest to her. “Until then, let's help you focus on not fighting. I am not the best at peaceful options but we can try to take that route more. I would want to do that for you. I want you to do this whole superhero thing the Brenna way not the Thor way whatever that might mean.”

Brenna flushed as Bea brushed her cheek. Tears started to form in her eyes, touched that Bea would do that for her, but then she laughed them away and cupped Bea’s cheek in return. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

Bea hadn’t been blushing but she did when Brenna touched her cheek. She looked away avoiding eye-contact. “Thanks, I think the same about you.” Biting her lip and furrowing her brow slightly she added on. “I’d really like to kiss you if that’d be okay? Then maybe go snuggle in the loft a bit?”

Brenna smiled, maybe a little too pleased that something so small could make Bea blush like that. “I think that sounds great,” she murmured, and leaned in to kiss her girlfriend.

The shorter girl relaxed into the kiss and after a moment pulled away slowly not wanting to leave the closeness of his partner. He rolled his neck and looked out the barn doors at his truck and sighed. “Alright we should get things put away and set up.” Bea slid off the workbench and stretched her arms. She tossed her keys to Brenna. “I want this place kept mostly private. You move the truck in and I’ll get things upstairs sorted so you don’t have to wade through cobwebs as cute as your sneezes are.”

Brenna murmured an indignant protest about her sneezing, but let Bea go clean as she drove the truck inside.

The cleaning didn’t take long. Bea seemed to have a system to it. It was mostly just pushing dust out of the hayloft which the werewolf had partially enclosed with a wooden wall and a fabric curtain that acted as a doorway. The hayloft had the general effect of a lair. It had various false panels which hid blades and spears of various makes, spare pieces of body armor and other changes of clothes, and enough first aid supplies to put a school nurse’s office to shame. Bea checked all this over counting to herself as she did. She pulled out her notebook and turned to a page that amounted to a log book and noted down *ibid* in a chart that listed various supplies. He took the time to point out where he kept things that they figured Brenna would find useful in the future such as MREs that he had stockpiled and various lanterns.

Eventually, having settled into the space and having stolen one of Brenna’s cozier sweaters, the two had snuggled close into a side of the hayloft on a small mound of bedding. Bea slid her head off of Brenna’s shoulder sitting up straight and setting down her bintendo verse. “It should be nice and dark up there now if you want to head out? We should bring a light to see the places where I put in rungs.”

Brenna was torn between being really honored that Bea would show her this place that meant so much to him, and a little heartbroken that he’d needed it. But she took everything in, and let the moment wash over her. She loved seeing Bea relax in a place that meant so much to her, and in one of her sweaters. An instinct told her that she probably shouldn’t say that last part out loud. The “theft” of the sweaters seemed like part of the fun.

Brenna pulled up the flashlight on her phone to light the way. “I can’t wait to see Midgard’s stars with you.”

The two carefully went up the makeshift ladder, and clambered onto the roof. They made a little pile of blankets and snuggled up together again. Beatrice pointed out a few constellations, telling her the stories behind them. But mostly, they sat in comfortable silence. With Bea’s head on her shoulder, looking up at the stars, Brenna had a realization a little like the one she had when she and Bea stole Freya’s chariot.

“Hey Bea?”

“Hmm?”

“I know you said it when we were going up to fight the Host, and I appreciate that you never brought up how I didn’t. Because you know, my feelings are slow,” Brenna stopped herself, realizing she was about to go into a ramble. “What I mean is, I love you.”

Bea looked up at Brenna from her perch on her shoulder. Then looked back to the stars, seeming to mull the words for a moment. “I get it. My brain imprints at a breakneck pace onto people sometimes. Which makes my feelings difficult so I try to be careful with them.” She frowned realizing that she might have focused on the wrong thing. Bea decided to be melodramatic in the vein of Avalonian poetry. “I am glad that you took the time to let me love you. That you love me in return, that just makes it all the sweeter.”

Brenna grinned at the poetry, and kissed the top of Bea’s head. “That’s sweet. Do I always get poetry or is it only for special occasions?”

“Listen, I’ll fight you.” Bea whined, flushing at the same time. She nuzzled herself closer to Brenna. After a few seconds of grump silence, Bea added on. “I am sure you’ll get plenty though.”

“Good,” Brenna whispered. “I’ll treasure all of it.”