2019 Florida 500

The 2019 Florida 500 happened on Feb 10th. Sadly Joey was not recovered enough to attend so Leon Marcus did.

The big one happens on lap 65 when Johnathon Fast went into Stafford Kartman. Stafford then touched Hendrix Roamin' and sent Hendrix sideways into the catch fence. Paul Sanders also nearly went in the catch fence. Michael Storm got involved and got mad after crashing. A total of ten cars are involved (Johnathon, Stafford, Hendrix, Paul, Michael, Javier Brakes, Magnet Face Otis Hunter, Kevin Blacktire, Simon Marachi, and Kobe Mcpillar)

Hendrix has his roof and underside damaged and he leaked oil from the crash.

A good moment as Jazmine Oiltire got a well deserved second Florida 500 victory after James Carton spins out on lap 108 into the wall. Jazmine celebrates with team Sunoco and Edward.

Hendrix Roamin' was on fire due to leaking fuel after his catch fence crash and required Red the fire truck and Johnny Firecatcher Jr to extinguish him. Quinn Gunzit punctured a tire on Hendrix debris a lap later and retired while Darryl Sclarkenberg finishes awesomely in eleventh. ***JAMES CARWHEEL GETS SOMEHOW FIFTH IN HIS FIRST FLORIDA TOP FIVE EVER!!!!!***

Patrick Curbler's front tires were put on too loose and they came off while Riley Angelwing gets an oil leak after hitting the wall.

Hendrix does not miss any races luckily.

Joyce Wheelson places 19th as usual.

## Footage

Big One Footage - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XuMJDJX-ypQ (basically a recreation of Tony Stewart's 2012 Talladega crash) #12 in video is Johnathon, #3 is Stafford, black car is Michael, White car in catch fence is Hendrix, #16 is Paul

## Transcript (Andre's version)

### Katie Draggered's funeral

(Takes 2 days before the race)

Shannon: So I know it's two days before the race but as you might know on February 6th Katie Draggered, the wife of Liam sadly died from cancer. I am attending as well as others like his brother Darrel and Ron Steeringson.

Kori: Edward McQueen is not attending due to being busy in Indy and needing to come to Nightdona to be there for Jazmine in just two days!

Shannon: However some friends of Liam such as Jerry Candyman, George Roadales and Ernie Ismond are attending. Ron, his nephew Mike and team Sunoco are there and Liam's pit crew from Tropic Fruits are there too.

(Darrel finds Liam crying heavily in a corner)

Darrel: Liam?

Liam (crying): I HATE THIS! This is the worst year of my life! My beloved Katie died! I know it was cancer but still SHE DIED!

(Liam sobs, whines, cries and bawls 90 UNVIGINTILLION times worse than Chase Patrick when his grandpa died and when he attends Johnathan's funeral in Eddie's cars series, Jamari Spark when he got bullied by Eric in 2005 Homestead 350, when Kyle Buschtire says the n word to him, when his dad Joey Spark died and when he attends Johnathan's funeral in Eddie's cars series, Sierra when Cody dumped her, Edward in hospital after his 2011 Grape Soda 350 crash, Randy when he bawled when the doctor said that Jack had to miss 10 or more races after his 2008 Texas 350 crash and in the 1993 Sunoco 400, Jazmine when Kendrick Shiftright almost died in Eddie's cars series, Eric Truncan when his father died in 2006, DeAndre Rodgers when he attends Johnathan's funeral in Eddie's cars series, Norman in 1984 Indy, Sunoco Crew Chief when he was bullied by other crew chiefs in 1993 Indy, and when all the racers cried in the 2012 M&M's 355 combined)

Liam: ***WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***

George: It's ok Liam.

Liam (bawling): BUT YOU NEVER UNDERSTAND GEORGE! YOU MARRIED TWICE AND MARRIED YOUR SECOND WIFE IN 2001! I WAS MARRIED THIRTY EIGHT YEARS FROM 1981!!!!!

George: Well I mean of course I cannot. I never married for as long as you did.

Ron: It's ok Liam.

Mike: Yeah it's ok Liam.

Ron's wife: Yeah it is.

Sunoco Pitty: It will be!

Sunoco Crew Chief: YEAH!

Liam (bawling): WHY IS STUPID BUMPER CAR GERRY JONES WHO IS A 79 YEAR OLD IN PRISON NOT DEAD BUT MY WIFE IS?!?!?!?!?!?!? THIS IS SO NOT **FAIR!!**

Ron: Actually Gerry died in July 2017 in prison at the age of 77.

Liam (bawling): At least that is one good thing but WHY!? WHY KATIE MUST YOU LEAVE ME?! CANCER SUCKS! CANCER SHOULD BE NUKED!!!!!

Ron: I have never seen someone cry so much! Not even Jamari cried this much!

Mike: Me neither!

Shannon and Kori: And us!

Liam (bawling): I'LL NEVER FIND ANOTHER LADY LIKE HER!!!!!

Ron: You could Liam. You could just find someone. Look at Jamari Spark for example just when we thought he would never find a girl he found one and now they are married and happy.

Lynda: I remember Katie so well. She is very nice but sadly she died now.

Mike: You could find another girl Liam. It's ok.

Liam (bawling): I HATE THIS! THIS IS THE WORST DAY EVER! (Popeye toot) FEBRUARY SIXTH 2019!!!!!

Darrel: Poor Liam..

Sunoco Crew Chief: I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN MY LIFE! I HAVE NEVER SEEN CAR CRY THIS MUCH NOT EVEN JAMARI!

Sunoco Pitty: THIS IS SO SAD!

(Liam still bawls heavily)

Liam: WHAT A (Serbia Strong) DAY!

Ernie Ismond: We will always remember your wife. She always looks out for my son Eric whenever he raced off in the pits while watching me race.

Liam (bawling): She helped me whenever I crashed when I was a Magnet Face in the 80's and when I was improving in the early 90's... Even that one time I lost my memory after a bad crash... I may die in the next crash I have in the SPAN OF THE ROOKIE YEAR!

Jerry: It's ok Liam. I am here to support, help and do anything for you.

Ron: Yeah it's ok Liam.

Mike: Liam. You will not die next time you crash. It's ok.

Liam (bawling 77 septillion times harder than before and pretty loudly): ***AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS SO (Yee) STUPID!!!!!! MY LIFE IS SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO (Seal Bark) (Popeye toot 3x) (Serbia Strong) (Yee) (Chinese Yee) (British Yee) (Hindi Yee) (Spanish Yee) (Arabic Yee) (Lori Loud Screaming) (Wow Guy) (Noise Guy) (Seagull Saying Mine) (Nikko Nikko Nii) DONE!!!! I'M A (Dolphin censor)!!!***(bawls, sobs, whines, and cries 999 quindecillion times harder flooding the place) ***WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY THIS IS SO I JUST WANT HER BACK I JUST WANT HER BACK I WISH DONALD TRUMP DIED INSTEAD OR OR OR JUSTIN BIEBER!!!! THEY SUCK BUT NO IT SEEMS CANCER WANTED TO KILL MY WIFE INSTEAD!!!! (bawls the hardest anyone has bawled in history and will most likely go in the Guiness world records) I HOPE CANCER GETS VAPORIZED BY A BILLION LASER BEAMS!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM GOING TO DIE SOMEDAY! SERIOUSLY!***

Ron: Liam, I was sad when my dad Rev died in 1998. I only had a few tears but it was in private in fact that is the only time I ever cried and that too just few tears. And I know you said the n word. I almost never swear and cry in public. Unlike my nephew, he cries rarely and swears sometimes. But it's ok Liam.

Mike: Yeah it's ok Liam, but unlike my uncle Ron, I cry but not as much as the others, even though Edward almost never cries or sobs or bawls in public. He told me he cried a lot in private when they said Doc Hudson also known as the Fabulous Hudson Hornet died in 2009. I will miss him.

Ron: Yeah me too Mike, you're my nephew. The Hudson Hornet and my dad Rev were my inspiration.

Mike: Thanks uncle. You're the best.

Ron: Your welcome Mike.

Liam (bawling): I will continue to cry until my recovery and each time I see a picture of her, I will cry and bawl and sob very hard for sure.

Kori: Anyway, back to you Natalie. We don't wanna see a sobbing racer for the whole time, the news will sure get delayed. Anyway back to you Natalie.

Natalie (sad): Very tragic to know Katie Draggered, Liam's former wife until she died, which happened just today. (sniffs) Liam has cried and bawled his hardest for sure today in the funeral and will become the car that cries the hardest and possibly even longest in the whole wide world, including in the UCSA. It is sure to go in the Guiness world records for the longest and most crying ever and extremely loud screaming.

John (sad): I will miss Liam's wife. She was nice to everyone EVEN ME! THE MEANEST RACER EVER! Liam I apologize for causing you to crash in the 1994 Battle of the Desert Las Vegas 400, and I apologize for being mean to you, pushing you, causing you to miss one or two or even more races with Jack replacing you and crashing you. I am so so so sorry. That wouldn't happen again. I repeat, that would never ever happen in my or your life. (sniffs twice) FORGIVE ME AND PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT ME! KACHIGGA! (grabs tissue and blows his nose/mustache) The John era still exists, but poor Liam will make a bigger flood than 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami and Hurricane Katrina COMBINED that's for sure, killing WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY more people than in the 9/11 attacks and stuff like a million people, but poor Liam. This is the worst day of Liam Draggered's life, that's for sure.

Johnathan: Liam? LIAM? It's gonna be ok I swear. If anything I will get you a new wife.

Liam (bawling): SHUT THE (SpongeBob Alarm Clock) UP JOHNATHAN! THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY ENTIRE GOD (Seal Bark) LIFE! EVEN THE SEAL BARK ISN'T RECOVERING ME! **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!**

Nancy (crying harder than Jamari Spark when he got bullied by Eric in 2005 Homestead 350): I am gonna miss Katie a lot. (bawls)

Johnathan (sad): Me too. Me too.

Darrell (sad): The worst day for Liam Draggered in his opinion. And now some sad music as well as the saddest song ever.

(The cover of Heaven by Bryan Adams sang by a woman in the hardest try not to cry challenge plays. Then it goes to a commercial break. During a satellite feed of the news, Natalie cries a bit.)

(meanwhile in space)

NOTE: The astronaut also heard the song.

Astronaut: NASA! SOMEBODY IS CRYING! I REPEAT! SOMEBODY IS CRYING! A CRY VISIBLE FROM SPACE! It seems to be coming from Florida 500!

NASA: What? Are you serious?

Astronaut: Yes! I'm taking pictures of it. It's a HARD cry coming from Florida 500. A Piston Cup car named Liam Draggered cried HARD!

Darrell (crying): Did the astronaut just say "I repeat"?

Bob: It's ok Darrell. I'm here.

Darrell (crying): It's not. That sad song made me cry for sure. (cries a little harder)

Bob (sad): It's ok buddy. I am here.

Darrell (crying): No it's not! (begins to bawl)

(end of transcript)

### Big One

Bob: TROUBLE TURN FOUR! JOHNATHON GOES INTO STAFFORD KARTMAN! MICHAEL STORM INVOLVED! PAUL SANDERS INVOLVED! HENDRIX ROAMIN' IS INTO THE CATCH FENCE!!!!!

Darrell: OTIS HUNTER INVOLVED! KEVIN BLACKTIRE INVOLVED! What a crash!

(Replay)

Darrell: As we show the replay Johnathon Fast got into Stafford Kartman and involved multiple cars including Otis Hunter.

(Live)

Darrell: We will be back shortly for more coverage and a few more replays of the deadliest crash in the 2019 Florida 500 that even involved Otis Hunter.

Bob: What an impact for Hendrix!

### Patrick's tires come off!

Bob: OH MY GOODNESS WHAT WAS THIS! Looks like Patrick Curbler! His tires just came clean off.

(replay)

Bob: Wow. So it turns out that two laps before the tires were just not put tightly enough and so his two front tires came right off.

Darrell: Pretty bad pit stop by team Jack in the Box!

### Jazmine Wins

Darrell: FOR THE SECOND TIME HERE AT FLORIDA! IT'S JAZMINE WINNING THE 500 FOR THE SECOND TIME! **IT'S JAZMINE RAMIREZ OILTIRE FOR THE WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Bob: JAZMINE OILTIRE FOR THE WIN!!!!!

Jazmine: YES EDWARD! I DID IT EDWARD! I WON MY SECOND FLORIDA 500!

Edward: GOOD JOB JAZMINE! KA-SPLASH!

Jazmine: KA-SPLASH! (does burnouts) WOO HOO!

Bob: JAZMINE OILTIRE WINS THE FLORIDA 500 FOR THE SECOND TIME EVER! FINALLY! FOR THE SECOND TIME JAZMINE OILTIRE WINS THE FLORIDA 500!!!!!!!!!!

Jazmine (does burnouts): WOO HOO! I WON THE FLORIDA 500 FOR THE SECOND TIME!!!!!!!!!! KA SPLASH TO THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bob: I CAN'T (Yee) BELIEVE JAZMINE WON HER SECOND 500!!! WOW!!!

Darrell: Anyway, we'll be back in just a moment because I might faint anytime. (faints)

(end of transcript)

## Results

1. Jazmine Oiltire - 200 laps
2. James Carton - 200 laps
3. Matt Drifft - 200 laps
4. Joey Case - 200 laps
5. James Carwheel - 200 laps
6. Ryan Laney - 200 laps
7. Thomas J. Wilson - 200 laps
8. Hal Carbureski - 200 laps
9. Kendrick Shiftright - 200 laps
10. Kyle Buschtire - 200 laps
11. Darryl Sclarkenberg- 200 laps
12. Mickey Overclock - 200 laps
13. Edd Roadages - 200 laps
14. Jonas Cartmull - 200 laps
15. Joey Loudrev - 200 laps
16. Leon Marcus - 200 laps
17. Umari Axler - 200 laps
18. Katie Mush - 200 laps
19. Joyce Wheelson - 200 laps
20. Jake Whitaker - 200 laps
21. Patrick Curbler - 115 laps (tires came out)
22. Quinn Gunzit - 65 laps (punctured tire)
23. Johnathon Fast - 64 laps (crash)
24. Stafford Kartman - 64 laps (crash)
25. Hendrix Roamin' - 64 laps (catch fence crash)
26. Michael Storm - 64 laps (crash)
27. Javier Brakes - 64 laps (crash)
28. Paul Sanders - 64 laps (crash)
29. Otis Hunter - 64 laps (crash)
30. Simon Marachi - 64 laps (crash)
31. Kevin Blacktire - 64 laps (crash)
32. Kobe McPillar - 64 laps (crash)
33. Nick Dobbs - 31 laps (crash into Floyd)
34. Floyd Felton - 30 laps (crash into Nick)
35. Riley Angelwing - 3 laps (oil leak)

## Transcript (Win95's version)

### Maria Myercar's funeral

(Takes 2 days before the race)

Riley Booster: So I know it's two days before the race but as you might know on February 6th Maria Myercar, the wife of Kurt sadly died from cancer. I am attending as well as others like Marvin Cargo.

Carri Angelwing: Bart McQueen is not attending due to being busy in Indy and needing to come to Nightdona to be there for Jess in just two days!

Riley: However some friends of Kurt such as Ken Poptire, Andre Whiteford and Tyler Brakes are attending. Marvin Cargo, his nephew Jake and team Pepsi are there and Kurt's pit crew from McDonald's are there too.

(Andre finds Kurt crying heavily in a corner)

Andre: Kurt?

Kurt (crying): I HATE THIS! This is the worst year of my life! My beloved Maria died! I know it was cancer but still SHE DIED!

(Kurt sobs, whines, cries and bawls 90 UNVIGINTILLION times worse than Warren Blackcar when his grandpa Gerald died and when he attends Dennis' funeral in Tyler's cars series, Ivan Towman when he got bullied by Andre in 2005 Homestead 350, when Art Drafters says the n word to him, when his dad Joseph Towman died and when he attends Dennis' funeral in Tyler's cars series, Sierra when Cody dumped her, Bart in hospital after his 2011 Combustr 350 crash, Jessie when she bawled when the doctor said that Dash had to miss 10 or more races after his 2008 Texas 350 crash and in the 1993 Pepsi 400, Jess when Roderick Pits almost died in Tyler's cars series, Andre DePedal when his father died in 2006, Quincy Racelott when he attends Dennis' funeral in Tyler's cars series, Ivan Bestman when his house got destroyed in Win95's cars series, Jim in 1984 Indy, Jack when he was bullied by other crew chiefs in 1993 Indy, Anthony Roadages when Carl Lightyear died in 1955 Charlotte and Jackie Loudrev (Windows racer before Clint is called Paul Loudrev) when her parents died in a plane crash in 1979 combined)

Kurt: ***WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***

Andre: It's ok Kurt.

Kurt (bawling): BUT YOU NEVER UNDERSTAND ANDRE! YOU MARRIED TWICE AND MARRIED YOUR SECOND WIFE IN 2001! I WAS MARRIED THIRTY EIGHT YEARS FROM 1981!!!!!

Andre: Well I mean of course I cannot. I never married for as long as you did.

Marvin: It's ok Kurt.

Jake: Yeah it's ok Kurt.

Jill: Yeah it is.

Pepsi pitty: It will be!

Jack: YEAH!

Kurt (bawling): WHY IS STUPID BUMPER CAR JOHN BLOWTIRE WHO IS A 79 YEAR OLD IN PRISON NOT DEAD BUT MY WIFE IS?!?!?!?!?!?!? THIS IS SO NOT **FAIR!!**

The King: Actually John died in July 2017 in prison at the age of 77.

Cal: No one had inspiration on him, due to being evil and nearly killing unnamed Intel racer (although he was unsponsored with Intel colors then with number 311 before getting the sponsor when it was founded in 1968) at Indianapolis in 1958. The worst fact is that he was a FREAKING ROOKIE! COULD YOU IMAGINE A ROOKIE'S CAREER OVER ON HIS ROOKIE YEAR!!!!

Kurt (bawling): At least that is one good thing but WHY!? WHY MARIA MUST YOU LEAVE ME?! CANCER SUCKS! CANCER SHOULD BE NUKED!!!!!

Marvin: I have never seen someone cry so much! Not even Ivan or Jack cried this much!

Jake: Me neither!

Riley and Carri: And us!

Kurt (bawling): I'LL NEVER FIND ANOTHER LADY LIKE HER!!!!!

Marvin: You could Kurt. You could just find someone. Look at Ivan Towman for example just when we thought he would never find a girl he found one and now they are married and happy.

Jill: I remember Maria so well. She is very nice but sadly she died now.

Jake: You could find another girl Kurt. It's ok.

Kurt (bawling): I HATE THIS! THIS IS THE WORST DAY EVER! (Popeye toot) FEBRUARY SIXTH 2019!!!!!

Carri: Poor Kurt.

Jack: I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN MY LIFE! I HAVE NEVER SEEN CAR CRY THIS MUCH NOT EVEN Ivan!

Pepsi pitty: THIS IS SO SAD!

(Kurt still bawls heavily)

Kurt: WHAT A (Serbia Strong) DAY!

Tyler Brakes: We will always remember your wife. She always looks out for my son Melvin whenever he raced off in the pits while watching me race.

Kurt (bawling): She helped me whenever I crashed when I was a Magnet Face in the 80's and when I was improving in the early 90's... Even that one time I lost my memory after a bad crash... I may die in the next crash I have.

Ken: It's ok Kurt. I am here to support, help and do anything for you.

Marvin: Yeah it's ok Kurt.

Jake: Kurt. You will not die next time you crash. It's ok.

Kurt (bawling 77 septillion times harder than before and pretty loudly): ***AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS SO (Yee) STUPID!!!!!! MY LIFE IS SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO (Seal Bark) (Popeye toot 3x) (Serbia Strong) (Yee) (Chinese Yee) (British Yee) (Hindi Yee) (Spanish Yee) (Arabic Yee) (Lori Loud Screaming) (Wow Guy) (Noise Guy) (Seagull Saying Mine) (Nikko Nikko Nii) DONE!!!! I'M A (Dolphin censor)!!!***(bawls, sobs, whines, and cries 999 quindecillion times harder flooding the place) ***WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY THIS IS SO I JUST WANT HER BACK I JUST WANT HER BACK I WISH DONALD TRUMP DIED INSTEAD OR OR OR JUSTIN BIEBER!!!! THEY SUCK BUT NO IT SEEMS CANCER WANTED TO KILL MY WIFE INSTEAD!!!! (bawls the hardest anyone has bawled in history and will most likely go in the Guiness world records) I HOPE CANCER GETS VAPORIZED BY A BILLION LASER BEAMS!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM GOING TO DIE SOMEDAY! SERIOUSLY!***

Marvin: Kurt, I was sad when my dad Luke died in 1998. I only had a few tears but it was in private in fact that is the only time I ever cried and that too just few tears. And I know you said the n word. I almost never swear and cry in public. Unlike my nephew, he cries rarely and swears sometimes. But it's ok Kurt.

Jake: Yeah it's ok Kurt, but unlike my uncle Marvin, I cry but not as much as the others, even though Bart almost never cries or sobs or bawls in public. He told me he cried a lot in private when they said Dr Rob also known as the Fabulous Robert Hornet died in 2009. I will miss him.

The King: Yeah me too Jake, you're my nephew. The Robert Hornet and my dad Luke were my inspiration.

Jake: Thanks uncle. You're the best.

Marvin: Your welcome Jake.

Kurt (bawling): I will continue to cry until my recovery and each time I see a picture of her, I will cry and bawl and sob very hard for sure.

Carri: Anyway, back to you Anne. We don't wanna see a sobbing racer for the whole time, the news will sure get delayed. Anyway back to you Anne.

Anne Certain (sad): Very tragic to know Maria Myercar, Kurt's former wife until she died, which happened just today. (sniffs) Kurt has cried and bawled his hardest for sure today in the funeral and will become the car that cries the hardest and possibly even longest in the whole wide world, including in the UCSA. It is sure to go in the Guiness world records for the longest and most crying ever and extremely loud screaming.

Roy (sad): I will miss Kurt's wife. She was nice to everyone EVEN ME! THE MEANEST RACER EVER! Kurt I apologize for causing you to crash in the 1994 Battle of the Desert Las Vegas 400, and I apologize for being mean to you, pushing you, causing you to miss one or two or even more races with Jordan replacing you and crashing you. I am so so so sorry. That wouldn't happen again. I repeat, that would never ever happen in my or your life. (sniffs twice) FORGIVE ME AND PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT ME! KAROYAL (because Bart's catchphrase is KA-PAL)! (grabs tissue and blows his nose/mustache) The Roy era still exists, but poor Kurt will make a bigger flood than 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami and Hurricane Katrina COMBINED that's for sure, killing WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY more people than in the 1955 LeMans Disaster, aka the worst race in the history of racing.

Dennis: Kurt? KURT? It's gonna be ok I swear. If anything I will get you a new wife.

Kurt (bawling): SHUT THE (SpongeBob Alarm Clock) UP DENNIS! THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY ENTIRE GOD (Seal Bark) LIFE! EVEN THE SEAL BARK ISN'T RECOVERING ME! **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!**

Dennis: Ahhh! (drives away)

Kurt (bawling): WHOOPS!! I AM SO SORRY! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dennis (drives back): It's okay!

Dennis' wife (crying harder than Ivan Towman when he got bullied by Andre in 2005 Homestead 350): I am gonna miss Maria a lot. (bawls)

Dennis (sad): Me too! Me too!

Rusty Wheelshift (sad): The worst day for Kurt Myercar in his opinion. And now some sad music as well as the saddest song ever.

(The cover of Heaven by Bryan Adams sang by a woman in the hardest try not to cry challenge plays. Then it goes to a commercial break. During a satellite feed of the news, Anne cries a bit.)

(Meanwhile, in space. FUN FACT: The astronaut also heard the song.)

Astronaut: NASA! SOMEBODY'S CRYING! I REPEAT! SOMEBODY'S CRYING! A CRY CAN BE VISIBLE FROM SPACE! It seems to be coming from Florida Speedway!

NASA: (beep) What? Are you serious? (beep)

Astronaut: Yes! I'm taking pictures of it. It's a HARD cry coming from Florida Speedway. A Piston Cup car named Kurt Myercar cried HARD!

Rusty (crying): Did the astronaut just say "I repeat"?

Jeff Inngas: It's ok Darrell. I'm here.

Rusty (crying): It's not. That sad song made me cry for sure. (cries a little harder)

Jeff (sad): It's ok buddy. I am here.

Rusty (crying): No it's not! (begins to bawl)

(end of transcript)

TBA