A Thief in the Night (GAM012)

### Starring:

Patty Dunning, Mike Niday, Colleen Niday, Maryann Rachford, Thom Rachford, Duane Coller, Russell S. Doughten Jr., Clarence Balmer

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Eli Bosnick

***A Thief in the Night*** is the story of the baby murdering rampage that God promises to eventually go on as punishment for people that don't love him enough. It's part horror movie, part after school special, and part blatant effort to make a semi-feature-length from less that sixty minutes worth of actual film—all served up with a liberal helping of sideburns, psychologically detrimental theology, and absurdly short man shorts.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema in an effort to inoculate ourselves against Brett Ratner movies.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you ever think to yourself when you're watching *My Changing Body*, "Man, I wish this movie was fifty minutes longer, but the *actors* are too attractive", you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Noah: ...total lack of awareness of non-Christians.
* Eli: ...calmest and whitest Rapture.

### **Notes**

* First in the "Tribulation Saga", followed by *A Distant Thunder*, *Image of the Beast*, and *Prodigal Planet*.
* Filmed on location in Iowa (in colour).
* Lucinda Lugeons appears in the second interstitial.

### **Jokes**

* "[Heath]'s dead guys. He's dead. We don't know how to tell you. All of the *Scathings* have been prerecorded—we have two more. Everything else is going to edited together like the *South Park* episode where they killed Chef. We have eighty-five episodes of him screaming "Jumanji." We should be good on that for a while. He's at a farm upstate. There's *weed*, and girls with nose rings, he can run and play and flare juggle… don't worry about it guys." (1:33)
* "I wrote 'Was someone listening to the radio in the bathroom?', but that's a *shaver*. I would grow a mustache too if I had to deadlift 240 pounds onto my fucking face. I have a television in my pocket that's smaller than what that guy used to shave his face, and I use it for porn. I'm just like 'Aw, I'm bored, guess I'm gonna…" What, am I supposed to wait until I get home to jerk off? That's another thing about this movie that I found very pleasurable. While my brain was trying to escape the fact that there wasn't a plot and nobody ever said anything is I would look at just the different technology and I'd be like 'Look at what a miracle we live in. Look at what a fantastic miracle...' The shavers used to be the size of what is currently the fastest computer in the world at that time, and then some. By a manifold. If I had walked into NASA with my iPhone, they would have been like, "Hey man, do you want a blowjob? Give me that right the fuck now! That thing looks to be about half the size of what I use to cut the hair off my face, and it's not plugged in, like a miracle.' I wouldn't be surprised if the guy had to pull start that." (13:55)
* "There is an *insanely* long amount of water skiing. I kept waiting for it to end. I was like, 'Okay, it's going to be over. Don't get distracted—I'm going to miss this movie.' But I'm sitting there with my notes… a little behind the scenes: I sit there with my computer on my lap taking my notes and I'm watching it on my tv, and my hands are hovering over the keyboard, and I'm typing the word waterskiing every forty seconds: "Water skiing. Water skiing. What if this whole story's water skiing? I can't do an hour on water skiing. I went tubing once." This whole movie had me scared, because there's so many *Manos Hands of Fate* long walking scenes, and shit like that in it." (36:33)

### **Interstitials**

* "I Hate This Fucking Movie" Song (7:42)
* "Hey Jenny, how's being a Christian working out for you?"(1:16:30)
* Super Evil Credit Card (1:18:10)

### **Tropes**

* A World Without Black or Brown People
* And Then the Apocalypse/Rapture Happens
* Vaguely Heard of Jesus
* Not Christian Enough
* Wake Up!
* Heroes are Villains, Villains are Heroes
* Persecuted Christians

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Film on YouTube
* IMDb