Cyber Space

Space Tree comes back from the desert, extremely pissed off at Commander. After expelling them from class, Commander and Allon play with an illegal computer program and go to jail.

## Transcript

*{Cut to a door in the classroom that slides open to reveal Allon.}*

**ALLON:** Sorry I'm late, Mr. Space Tree, I...

*{Cut to Commander in front of the chalkboard, where he was apparently playing Hangman, the phrase is "EM\_TI\_N L\_TI\_N".}*

**COMMANDER:** Well you should be sorry, Allon.

*{Cut to Allon.}*

**ALLON:** Uh, where's Space Tree?

*{Cut to Commander.}*

**COMMANDER:** I don't know. I didn't leave him in a desert somewhere.

*{A thought bubble comes to his head, saying "Or did I? [yes]. Cut to Allon, who sits at his desk.}*

**ALLON:** Jeez, the first day of semester and he doesn't even show up.

**COMMANDER:** Yep, what a lazy piece of crap, huh? Well, I'll be substituting for him.

**ALLON:** Really? What do you know about teaching?

**COMMANDER:** Well, I know more than Space Tree , that's for sure. All he ever does is talk about triangles or something. I can do that. I'd be like, *(in bad impression voice)* "Well, triangles are pointy, so you better watch out, or-"

**ALLON:** Wait, wait, wait. Is that your Space Tree impression?

**COMMANDER:** Well, I'm still kinda workin' on it.

**ALLON:** Well, it needs more of a barkish quality to it. Y'know, cuz he's covered in bark?

**COMMANDER:** Yeah.

**ALLON:** So, it'd be more like, *(in Space Tree voice)* "Space Tree is coming down the stairs." Yeah.

**COMMANDER:** Yeah, that's *pretty* close to his voice, but you don't really have the right accent. I's like, *(he uses the same bad impression voice; as he speaks, Space Tree walks up behind him, with a ripped t-shirt that says "I got planted in the desert and all I got was this ripped t-shirt".)* "Hello, d'jus, I'm a big idiot from space. Mama mia! My spaghetti bolognese!" Yeah, it's more like that. What?

**ALLON:** Uh, he's right behind you, Commander.

**COMMANDER:** Yeah, right. Like anything that obvious and cliched would ever really happen. Besides, if that fat ass of a tree walked up behind me, I think I'd be able to hear his fat-

**SPACE TREE:** Commander!

**COMMANDER:** AAA!!!

*(roll opening credits)*

*(cut back to the classroom, the hangman phrase has changed to "T\_N \_O\_\_RS")*

**SPACE TREE:** THREE WEEKS I spent in that desert, thanks to you! And now I get back and I hear you're telling people that I was planted there by a *MIRAGE*?!? WHAT THE \*\*\*\*?!

**COMMANDER:** Heh. I liked the part where you kicked the keys out of my hand.

**SPACE TREE:** SHUT UP! Why the hell'd you plant me there, anyway?

**COMMANDER:** Meh. I thought I'd be kinda funny.

**SPACE TREE:** Oh, really? Well, you know what else is funny?

**ALLON:** Potato chips?

**COMMANDER:** Midgets?

**ALLON:** Oh, yeah! Can I change my answer to midgets?

**SPACE TREE:** No, what's funny is ME kicking Commander "Planty McDesert" off my ship! Ha-HA!

**ALLON:** That's not funnier than midgets...

**COMMANDER:** I'm sorry, Space Tree, but I'm afraid that's not possible.

**SPACE TREE:** Oh, really? Because I've got some kicking boots here with your name on them! *(holds up red boots with yellow stripes)* ...Because I stole them from your room.

**COMMANDER:** You see, Space Tree, seeing as I am only seventeen years of age *(holds up his hands, 10 fingers on his right and 7 on his left hand, but one finger is bent down on his right)*, when I came onto this ship, you became my legal guardian, and by kicking me off, you'd be violating Space Guardian Law *(holds up a book called "Space Law Vol.2", there is a green bookmark in it*, thereby leaving yourself open to prosecution. HA-HA, now *(the Commander's hand, pointing, shoots out to Space Tree)* **THAT** is what's funny!

**SPACE TREE:** Ugh. Well, I may not be able to kick you out, but I *can* expel you from the class. So, congratulations, you're expelled. Let's see how far you get an education, huh! Ha ha... you too, Allon.

**ALLON:** Well, I just assumed.

**COMMNADER:** Once again, you are wrong, my friend. *(he holds the Space Law book up)* Space law clearly states that expulsion from school requires at least one class notice before it takes effect.

**SPACE TREE:** Geez, where'd you get that friggin' Space Law book? *Fine*, we'll finish this class, and then that's it for you too! Let's see how far you get an education, huh! Now I'm just gonna lay down over here. I've still got a lot of sand in my lungs.

*(he passes out, the hangman phrase has changed to "S\_AC\_ TR\_\_")*

**COMMANDER:** So, what do we do now then?

**ALLON:** Well, I brought my computer.

*(he pulls it out, and puts it on his desk)*

**ALLON:** Check out this awesome web site I found.

**COMMANDER:** All right.

**ALLON:** Just gotta log in first.

*(he pushes "LOG-ON (TO THE INTERNET)" button)*

**COMPUTER:** LOGGING ON TO INTERNET!!

*(modem noises play)*

**COMPUTER:** NOW LOGGED ON TO INTERNET!!?

**ALLON:** Okay, we're in. Check this out. This web site lets you shoot someone with a laser beam *anywhere* in space.

**COMMANDER:** What? No way.

**ALLON:** Really. Check this out.

*(He clicks the button on the web site, www.spacelaze.meg; nothing happens)*

**ALLON:** Heh. I don't think-

*(A laser beam shoots Allon)*

**ALLON:** OW! Ah, okay, *(We see the laser beam has shot off his arm)* that was supposed to hit Space Tree, but, uh, you get the idea.

**COMMANDER:** Whoa, let me try.

*(He clicks the button, the laser beam goes off, and Allon's other arm gets shot off, there's blood on the Commander's face, and a hand comes in cleaning him)*

**ALLON:** Ah! OK, that's my other arm, so, let's just-

**COMMANDER:** Cool!

*(He leaps, pushes the button, the laser hits the computer and it explodes)*

**ALLON:** Well, nice going. That was my birthday computer.

**COMMANDER:** That was awesome, man. I can't believe this kind of thing is legal!

*ALLON:'* Well, it's not really. The government's been trying to ban this thing for months. But the man can't touch me so long as my modem here *(his foot holds it up)* is equipped with this of have this state-of-the-art protection chip- ...hey, wait. Uh, you didn't see a green rectangle anywhere, did you?

*(Commander holds up the chip)*

**COMMANDER:** What, you mean my bookmark?

**ALLON:** Oh, that's great. *(Angry)* That's a protection chip, you asshole! Now it's worthless!

**COMMANDER:** Well, I needed something to mark the page with the guardian law. *(holds the book)* You think I'd know anything about this crap otherwise? Anyway, all we did was shoot you a couple times. Like anyone cares about that! Everything is gonna be allll right!

*(screen-wipe; the two are in the same position but are now in jail and in prison uniforms)*

**COMMANDER:** Nothing bad is gonna happen to us *at all*! ...Oh.

*(Space Tree shows up)*

**SPACE TREE:** Yeah! You see what happens when you mess with me?! Huh.

**COMMANDER:** What?! This had nothing to do with you! It was all Allon's fault!

**ALLON:** Shut up! I don't even have any arms!

**COMMANDER:** Come on, Space Tree! You gotta break us out of here!

**SPACE TREE:** Yeah, right. I'm not helping *you*! Have fun in prison!

**COMMANDER:** Wait a minute! Do I need to remind you of the guardian laws, *dad*?

**SPACE TREE:** Don't call me that.

**ALLON:** And another thing, Space Tree! This whole thing happened when we were attending one of *your* classes! So you are responsible for *both* of us!

**COMMANDER:** Yeah, that's right! And if we told the warden this kind of information, *you* could be the one behind these bars with us!

**SPACE TREE:** Sigh... Well, it looks like I have no choice... *(declaring)* Space Tree will organize a prison break!

*(SpeshDiv robot shows up out of nowhere)*

**SPESHDIV ROBOT:** WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!?

**SPACE TREE:** Uh... Space Tree will organize a prison... "cake".

**SPESHDIV ROBOT:** Oh.

**ALLON:** A cake with a nail file in it, right? So, that we can break out like you were just saying, right?

*(a laser beam goes off)*

**ALLON:** *(offscreen)* OW! My eye!

*(roll end credits)*

## Easter Eggs

* At the end click on the hidden door and it will say now logging out of the cartoon.
	+ Afterwards, it will take you to the episodes menu.

## Fun Facts

* When Allon enters the classroom, there is an "I'm a busy bee"-sticker at the door.
* When The Commander says "I don't know. I didn't left him in the desert", a though bubble appears where you can read : "Or did I? (yes)"
* When Space Tree comes back he's wearing a t-Shirt written : "i was planted in the desert and all i got was this ripped t-shirt *and crabs*".
* The protection chip of Allon's modem says "CONTROL CHIP 2X4B-523P"
* The Space Law book is Vol. 2.
* The second Hangman puzzle is T\_N \_O\_\_RS which is probably Ten Colours
* The solution to the 3rd Hangman is probably "SPACE TREE".

### References

* The Commander mentions Triangles.

* The partial Hangman phrase EM\_TI\_N L\_TI\_N is probably "Emotion lotion," a reference to an episode of Mr. Show with Bob and David, in which David Cross is discovered by a record producer while he is singing a song with these lyrics to himself in a public bathroom.
* 2X4B-523P is Kryten's serial number from the TV show Red Dwarf.
* www.spacelase.meg is unfortunately not a real web site.

* A modified image of the Commander holding the Space Law book could be seen in the opening of Phil.