Goliath

> "We know not why he came, only that he did"
>
>

**Goliath** is a dog-like being of pure evil who haunts the dark streets of the Philippines. It is nearly as old as the universe itself, and in ancient times was referred to simply as "The." Goliath rules the underworld and has a similar relationship to the Cosmic Chicken (though it is not from the Cosmic Egg, It is beyond it) as Pennywise has to the Turtle. Even today it remains a major threat to reality, and it is predicted that EFAP, The Don or even Tonald would be unable to defeat it.

## Appearance

Goliath's true form is incomprehensible to mortal minds, but when it interacts with the mortal realm, Goliath takes a mortal form. The most common form the beast is recorded to take is that of a giant black dog with red glowing eyes.

Multiple documented sightings of Goliath's size are conflicting, as some proclaim the black beast to be the size of a skyscraper, while others assure that Goliath is just a size of a regular dog. Cynic Snacks said that the beast was small, muscular and had lot of scars, "just a black shape, more of a concept, a specter of death, black hole version of dog, a nega-dog."

Over the millennia, lesser-seen visages of the black beast include "a tall purple man with a black dog's head," "dog's head, lion's body and wings of a hawk," and "dog-headed massive reptile, standing on its hind legs, towering over buildings."

Due to these conflicting depictions, one would have to make contact with the great philosopher, Hiddel Subbeldees, to know for sure, as he is one of the greatest interpreters of the Theme and Symbolism. Unfortunately, no one has seen Hiddel for centuries as he mastered the "Subtle Art of Subtlety" so well that he can't be seen.

You've met him before, but he hasn't been revealed yet.

There are four kinds of Goliath: **Earth**, **Air**, **Sea**, and **Lava**. Only **Earth Goliath** is well known, and thus usually cited as just "Goliath," while the other three types of him have rarely been sighted

## Survival

   One does not simply escape Goliath, as it can simply will to be near you and materialize out of the darkness.

You can hear it coming if you listen for the distinct pinging sound of the "Goliath Alert System." If it targets you, the best way to deter it is to hide behind a barricade of sharpened glass, which is thankfully a common form of fencing in the Philippines.

Those who have sacrificed enough to Goliath are rewarded with a bone of Goliath, which the beast immediately regenerates. Many people then craft the bones into their fences to show their devotion and are able to ward of other lesser evil forces with the bone. All beings know not to go near anything that contains the bones of Goliath

Wielding a slingshot and a pebble can help you keep Goliath at bay, but not for long (EFAP doesn't endorse violence against dogs). Tonald tried to use his trusted slingshot on the beast, but it had even less success than with the turkeys invading his yard.

Cynic Snacks saw the beast in a alleyway once and turned around, power-walking to another ally that had cats, as it was safer. He is one of the few who has encountered Goliath and survived. His method was to sacrifice his dignity to the beast by running away, though this did earn him a 500 XP bounty on his head by Goliath drones and caused him to constantly be chased by dogs, who were summoned by Goliath to haunt him for running away

You might be able to beat it by offering your love instead of sacrifice, as nobody has thought of it. Some have sacrificed their loved ones, but there doesn't seem to be a change.

The only way to piss in Goliath's presence is by pissing in a circle, as otherwise it will be angry. An oval shape reminds it of The Egg, so don't do that. The circle also protects you from "Sea Goliaths", but not from "Lava Goliaths" or "Air Goliaths"

## Trivia

* Originally the Philippines tried to trap Goliath behind a concrete wall, but the beast bulldozed through it
* Has a brother named Heracles, but Heracles is not very well documented by the scholars of old.
* "Dog" is "God" backwards, so you better pray
	+ Don't disrespect Goliath
* Its unknown if Goliath knows English
* Goliath has a Snapchat that alerts people of his location from time to time
* The Tramp in the live-action *Lady and the Tramp* movie is played by Goliath, which is why the Tramp looks like a creepy horror movie dog that would turns up in alleyways and growl at you
* Goliath is just happy to have some white meat for a change.
* Might have a shotgun in its inventory
* There are 7 movies about Goliath, including *Prehistoric Goliath*, *Goliath Genesis* and *Goliath in the Philippines*. The beast was played by Will Smith, but the bark was done by James Earl Jones.
* Goliath might "take care" of Jay if he was an Orphan, easily since Jay would have weak arms and low bone density

## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 EFAP - The Expanded Universe - Orphans, Goliath and the Cosmic Chicken.