Never Say Never/Original Story

"THE TIME IS 6 AM!!" the robotic voice of an alarm clock cheered with vigorous enthusiasm.
A teenager of average height and build jerked upwards from slumber, his snore cut short with a stifled snort, stricken wide awake by the noise. "Oh frap, I'm going to be late!" he shouted. He threw on his signature grey jacket and didn't even bother to comb his messy white hair before getting a move on.
Bolting from his bedroom, he ran down the stairs to meet his parents, who were in the kitchen.
"What's the big hurry, sport?" his father asked.
The paternal question was intercepted with maternal ire before an answer could be given. "Hugh Neutron, I *told*you to stop bringing your ducks with you to the table!"
"Aw, shucks!" the embarrassed father replied, "I'm sorry, sugar booger."
"And Komaeda, don't forget to eat your breakfast!" His mother reminded.
"I won't, mom!" Komaeda assured, grabbing a piece of buttered toast and holding it in his mouth as he gathered his things into his backpack. He blazed across the entryway and out the front door.
"Have a good day at murder school, sport!" his father shouted.
Komaeda burst out of his home, ran to the street, and hopped onto the morning school bus. This average yellow bus would take him to his not-so-average destination, a very special school in the heart of downtown Chicago.
The young man put in his earbuds in preparation for the ride, which would only be a few minutes. Just enough time to listen to a song or two from the Sonic Adventure 2 soundtrack.
Someone in the seat in front of Komaeda turned around, crossing one arm over the other and using them to rest her chin as she looked back towards her friend. She wore a red track jacket, had tanned skin, and her brown hair protruded upwards from her head into a curvy, vertical ponytail. "How's it going, Ko-money?"
He took out one earbud so he could continue to listen to his jams and talk at the same time. "Morning, Asahina!" he greeted.
It was Aoi Asahina, his eighteen year old classmate and best friend. She greeted him with a smile, and the two spent about twenty seconds doing a complicated secret handshake which included but was not limited to, an up high, a down low, several woogidies, and a series of rapid hand signs in order to cast a jutsu. "Are you excited for the first day back from break?" she asked him cheerily.
"You know it. I'm back in the game and ready to learn," he responded with confidence.
"I wish I could share your enthusiasm for studies," Asahina chuckled, "I can never stay awake in class!"
"Classic Asahina," Komaeda laughed, joke-mockingly.
"Hey!" she laughed back, playfully slugging him in the face and knocking out one of his teeth, "You could at least do me a favor and wake me up when you see me dozing off!"
The two of them laughed in unison as the bus screeched to a stop, and the school kids disembarked. As Komaeda walked side by side with Asahina, he softly voiced the lyrics of the song he was listening to. "*~♪~Avoidin' my luck, I'm feeling kinda stuck. I'm in narrow hallways running like it's a ballgame~♪~"*"Aw, man! Is that Aquatic Mine? I love that song!" Asahina exclaimed with excitement, grabbing the earbud he wasn't using and putting it in her head to tune in to the song as well. Soon, the two of them were walking together, bobbing their heads to the beat, and chanting the lyrics in unison. "*~♪~Sure beats fightin' with the foes all the time, but I gotta do it, they always stay outta line'~♪~"*The two friends approached the entrance to the number one school in the country for murder, Super High School Level Murder High School. They entered the building to find lots of students chatting and hanging out with their friends, all anxious to hear the first bell to start their classes for the day. The pair walked down the hallway to the tempo of their rap song, and their timing was perfect as the song came to an end right as they entered their home room. "*~♪~Avoidin' my luck, I'm feeling kinda stuck. Don't call me Knuckles, gimme your props!~♪~*"
The class bully, the bully from the playstation 2 game Bully, was already prepared to bully Komaeda with snarky comments. "Barely making it to class on time again, eh, Knuckles?"
"I told you not to call me that anymore!" Komaeda growled angrily. He pushed the bully's chair backwards, knocking him to the ground, only to lift him back up by the collar of his shirt with one hand, his other hand raised and curled into a fist, ready to beat the life out of his target.
"Young Mr. Neutron!" the homeroom teacher shouted. He was a large, yellow tentacle beast with a smiley face, though right now the smiley face was actually an angry face. He ran at Komaeda like a football lineman, full body tackling him off of the boy he threatened, smashing him into the wall and leaving a small crater. "You KNOW you're supposed to wait until class starts to start murdering!"
"S-Sorry, Korosensei..." the lad apologized.
The teacher dusted himself off and straightened his tie and hat. "Honestly, Komaeda. You're the main character of this franchise, I expected better of you."
The other student quietly snickered under their breaths. "Settle down, settle down, class!" Korosensei announced, commanding the attention of the class. With that, the school bell rang, and class was in session. "Good morning, everyone! I hope you all enjoyed your winter breaks, and had happy holidays. Did everyone finish their homework?"
The students nodded with respect.
"Excellent! I'll hand the baton off, then. Your first period teacher has been eager to see you all again after the break, so I will leave you all in her care."
That one teacher from Persona 4 who wore the Egyptian pharoah hat entered the room. "Greetings, everyone! Today's lecture will be on how to hold out during a siege assault. Miss Frizzle from Class B has graciously volunteered her class to assault this room, as a demonstration."
A small, metal object was tossed into the room through an open window outside, clanking across the ground with a noise similar to an empty spray paint can. As it settled on the ground after losing its force of motion, gas began pouring out from the top, clouding the room with a hazy smokescreen. "Your first order of business should be to fortify your position," the teacher spoke, kicking over her desk sideways and crouching down with her back against it to take cover. "Now, the enemy knows that they can't safely approach a properly fortified position, so expect most of the assault to be indirect and suppressive," she explained, beginning to funnel explosive ammunition into her grenade launcher.
The first few stray bullets found their ways into the classroom, piercing the windows and leaving tiny, cracked holes in their wakes. The teacher steadied her aim by placing the barrel of her launcher against the edge of the overturned desk, and then fired her first shot, which shattered one of the tattered windows completely, sailing through the air in an arc and landing in the distance with a muffled explosion. The students scribbled their pencils fiercely and diligently, taking detailed notes on the lesson as fast as they could.
The enemy class upped their arsenal to return explosives of their own. The building shook periodically as it was continually shelled from a distance, flickering the lights and loosening chips of the ceiling to fall like snow. Komaeda was distracted from the lesson by the noise of snoring, and he turned to see Asahina fast asleep. He popped the anime sleepy bubble on her nose by stabbing it with a serrated combat knife, snapping her awake. "BWUAH!! What happened?!"
"You fell asleep in class again, Asahina," her friend explained, as a Molotov cocktail was tossed into the room and set fire to the third row of desks.
The anti-fire sprinklers in the ceiling began drenching them, and Asahina sighed depressively. "I'm sooooorrryyyyy, I just can't help it, class can be soooo booooring sometimes."
"I hear a lot of chatter coming from this side of the room!" the teacher disciplined. "I hope you're all paying attention to how I'm angling the arcs of my shots. This will be on the test, you know!"
One student with a sick pompadour raised his hand. "Sensei, can I go to the nurse's office? My shoulder got grazed by sniper fire and I think I'm bleeding out."
"You're excused," the teacher allowed as she reloaded her weapon to fire another volley, "Just make sure and borrow someone else's notes later today."
Soon enough, first period gave way to second period, which was scrum debating. Whatever the fuck that is. As that too ended eventually, Komaeda and Asahina found themselves walking together down the halls to their third period. Asahina looked worse for the wear as she wore her fatigue and boredom on her face. "Ugh. I'm thinking about skipping this next period to go make out with my boyfriend in the janitor's closet," she explained.
"Where did you meet him, again?" Komaeda asked, trying to refresh his memory.
"Shockhog introduced us at the Christmas party over break," she reminded him. She daydreamed blissfully, wonder-struck at the thought of seeing her boy toy again.
"Ah, right. But, you know I don't think it's good for you to skip class..." he reasoned.
The two of them reached the double doors leading into the gymnasium, and upon opening to enter they saw that a large field of white flowers had grown all over the basketball court, and the song Snake Eater played over the loudspeakers. Their next teacher, The Boss from Metal Gear Solid 3, was their CQC instructor. A few students had shown up early before the start of the period for some extra studying, and the two friends watched as The Boss grappled some student with bright red hair, spinning him off balance and dropping her elbow into his, breaking his arm with a crack.
Asahina blinked. "Yeeeeeeaaaaah... I'm gonna go skip now, 'kay? See you at lunch, Ko-money!"
Komaeda wouldn't be lonely, however, as he knew HIS significant other had this same class with him. With a big smile on his face, he walked up to the bleachers where he saw his girlfriend, a young woman with long purple hair and glasses. He sat right next to her, and they held hands. "Hey babe," Komaeda greeted with a sultry, seductive voice.
"Hey Komey 2012," she greeted back, with stereotypical school girl embarrassment. The two of them puckered up for a spooktacular kiss. Komaeda even got a little cheeky, and reached with the intention of massaging her boobies, but they were interrupted by the teacher. "Keep it E for everyone in here, kids," The Boss chuckled as she put student wearing a chef hat into a choke hold and wrangled him unconscious. "Who's next? Come on, kids, show me what you've learned."
Komaeda's girlfriend stuck out her long Yoshi tongue and charged headfirst at The Boss, cackling madly and attempting to shank the teacher with a pair of scissors. As Komaeda watched them, he sighed delightfully, positively exuding his infatuation for his canonical girlfriend.
An hour later, as the class wrapped up, Komaeda and his lady friend said their goodbyes, and he made his way through the winding school halls to reach his locker. On his way there, he passed a door which swung open as Asahina exited the janitor's closet, with the areas around her mouth messily covered in horsey sauce. "Oh, hey, Ko. Ready for fourth?" she asked, wiping her face with a paper towel.
"Yep. We better get a move on, or we'll miss the bus," he urged, and the two quickened their pace.
The two had elected to enroll in an off-campus, early college class in order to earn future credits. They would be taking an introductory college chemistry course taught by a reputable professor, at a very famous university.
The bus drove them through Chicago until it reached Moron Mountain from Space Jam. The early achievers all got off and headed right to the classroom.
"Salutations, class!" a sophisticated, yet bellowing voice announced as a short man with a large cranium entered the lecture hall. "Welcome, to Chemistry I! I will be leading your studies. My name is Professor N on His Head.
"Nice try, loser!" a student with crazy hair shouted, tossing a fortune telling crystal ball at the teacher, which smashed violently on the ground next to him, spilling dangerous glass shards all around. "I don't know who you are, but you aren't our real professor."
Sure enough, the imposter's identity was revealed. It turned out to be Dr. Bad-Boon, from Super Monkey Ball, who had simply placed an "N" refrigerator magnet onto his doctor's head lamp.
There were about a dozen students sitting in lecture hall, and each of them pulled out their own handgun and began firing angrily at Dr. Bad-Boon, who had to tap dance to dodge the bullets coming towards him.
The primate blinked a few times. "Well, uh... I'm still a doctor."
Everyone just kinda looked around, trading glances and nodding as if to say, "Yeah, sure, ok."
"I hope for *your* sake that you know what you are doing," some rich looking shit head with blond hair and glasses (I think his name might be Togami) spouted with an aristocratic condescension. "*My* parents are paying *good*money to fund my education."
His twin brother who looked and dressed the same but was significantly bigger nodded with crossed arms. "Yeah, bitch."
Over the next hour, Dr. Bad-Boon demonstrated his well-learnedness, as well as his mastery over the subject material. Everyone in the class was satisfied with their new professor. Soon, the students were all back at their normal school. In a few more minutes, the day would end. However, Komaeda and Asahina were met with an unexpected announcement which left them uneasy. "Komaeda Neutron and Aoi Asahina, please report to the principal's office," the school's PA system boomed.
Komaeda sighed. "What did you do this time, Hina?"
"Nothing, I swear!" she pleaded, "I didn't do anything this time!"
"Well... we better go see what this is about," he accepted, resigning himself to their fates.
The two of them cautiously reached for the door and turned it open with a squeak, Luigi's Mansion style. They peeked their head into the principal's office, then tip-toed slowly one step at a time to approach the desk. The name plate on the desk read, "Mono the Pooh Kuma", his legal name. The principal had spun his chair facing the wall, so neither of the two could see his face. Monokuma spoke slowly, and each word was deliberate and foreboding. "Mr. Neutron, Miss Asahina... I just had a few questions I wanted to ask the two of you."
"Yes, sir?" Komaeda replied nervously.
"Well, firstly..." he started, before spinning his chair around to reveal a small, toy-like bear that was white on one side and black on the other. His tone and talking speed normalized to that of a regular conversation as he continued. "Was one of you eating Arby's in the janitor's closet earlier? There were crumpled-up foil sandwich wrappers all over the floor."
"...Yes," Asahina admitted.
"Oh. Ok. At least you owned up to it. Clean up your mess afterwards next time, will ya?" the bear reprimanded with surprising generous leniency.
"Was there anything else you needed to talk to us about, Mr. Monokuma sir?" Komaeda pressed on.
"Well, it has come to my attention that neither of you murdered anyone today. Or at all, for that matter. Your murder marks are well below the curve."
The two of them held their heads downward with shame. "Sorry, sensei..." they apologized.
"I'm sorry to say, but I'll have to punish you..." the principal began gravely, causing both of them to gulp... "...is what I WOULD have said. But you've had me thinking. Killing people is actually terrible. I'm going to restructure the curriculum here and change the school completely. I'm going to shut down murder school, and in its place, bring the start of a new age of Super High School Level Nobody-Dies School High School."
Monokuma began clapping and confetti fell from the ceiling.
"Oh, cool," Komaeda replied.
The last bell of the day rang, and with that, the school day ended. School faculty stood at the doors to the building holding bins for each of the leaving students to deposit their guns and other weapons on their way out. And with that murder school was no more, and a new day would dawn for Dangan Ronpa.
"What a day, am I right, Ko?!" Asahina laughed, leading the two of them out of the front entrance of school and into the lot where they would find their rides home.
Komaeda's girlfriend caught up with the two of them and joined as well. The two of them held hands lovingly.
"What do you say we all go to the arcade to hang out?" Komaeda suggested.
"Sounds good to me!" Asahina agreed. Still leading the pack, she took them to where a motorcycle was parked, which she mounted and started up. Komaeda and the long tongue glasses girl all put on helmets, grabbed a hold of one another, and hung on tight as Asahina revved the engine. The last thing she did before departing was blue tooth her phone to the motorcycle, and from that point she would blare the song Meteor Herd the entire way to the arcade.
"I thought you took the bus to school. Is this even your bike?" Komaeda asked.
"No," Asahina answered.
The three of them drove off into the sunset.
Ridge sat on a bench outside the school, immersed in his own thoughts at what he had just seen. Next to him sat the pompadour kid who I'm pretty sure actually owned the bike, who was wearing his arm in a sling since he was shot earlier. The two of them were faded out of their fucking minds smoking on the medicinal ganja the nurse had given him, and both of them were slumped so deeply into the bench that they had their backs where laid out horizontally on the seats.
"Hey, man..." the pompadour biker kid spoke slowly with a bit of a light cough. "Why don't they invent ramen noodles you can put icing on, so we could have ramen... strudels."
Ridge lethargically blinked one eye at a time like a chameleon. "I hate this."