Merriwether Fitz

*"There's no problem that can't be solved by getting really, really drunk."*

**Merriwether James Fitz** is a muggleborn wizard from Ireland with a natural proclivity for trouble. A loud, obnoxious, irreverent and wild young man with a strange, filthy sense of humor; a flippant attitude toward everything and everyone and a reckless courage that comes from not giving a single, solitary fuck.

In 2017, Fitz started his education at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Fitz is known for his snark and seeming inability to take anything seriously.

## Biography

Merriwether James Fitz was born the youngest son of David and Gloria Fitz in Dublin, Ireland in 2006. For reasons that remain unclear, Gloria abandoned her family when Fitz was about two years old. This absolutely devastated David, who turned to substance abuse to cope; primarily heroin. This left Fitz to be raised by his older brother Jonah, who wasn't much better, in terms of being a role-model.

As a young child, Fitz often spent entire days away from home, usually at a friend's house or camping in the hills outside the city in order to escape the conditions of his intensely depressing and filthy home. A troublemaker and rabble-rouser, little Fitz often got into fights and acted out, teasing other children and teachers alike. Disciplinary issues aside, Fitz was secretly a lonely boy who spent most of his time alone.

Growing up, he had a habit of saving every coin he found or earned and when he was nine, he had finally saved up enough money for a Game Boy. The day he was going to buy it, he was devastated to find that his father had taken his stash of drug money to buy more drugs. When Fitz confronted him about it, his father smacked him.

"Quit whining. You're just a kid," he said, "This is my house and whatever's in it is mine. So really, that was my money." This helped foster Fitz's resentment toward both his family and authority.

On his eleventh birthday, Fitz was visited by a representative from Hogwarts, explaining that he was a wizard. Fitz questioned whether this was a sex thing. When the man assured him that it wasn't, Fitz eagerly accepted to go learn magic in a castle and get away from home. Seriously, amazing.

### Notable Accomplishments

#### First Year (2017-2018)

* Started his education at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and is sorted into Slytherin.
* Quintus tried a few times to bully Fitz, but as Fitz gave no fucks about it, Quintus moved on to other targets.
* Spent most of the year exploring and observing the other students.

##### **Summer of 2018**

* A catholic priest exposed himself to Fitz one Sunday while Fitz was attending a service with a friend. Fitz simply laughed and asked the priest if "his teensy baby-dick" was why he took that vow of chastity and became a priest. Fitz never went back to the church.

#### Second Year (2018-2019)

* Made a farting noise during a meteor shower in Astronomy, completely ruining the moment.

#### Third Year (2019-2020)

* Discovered the Room of Requirement and figured out how to use it.

##### **Summer of 2020**

* Attended a party and stole a bunch of cigarettes and booze, hiding some in his trunk.

#### Fourth Year (2020-2021)

* Started smuggling his booze into the Room of Requirement.
* Seated next to Rose in Potions.
* Messed with Quintus in Hogsmeade on Halloween after Quintus tried to intimidate Rose.
* Attended the Yule Ball alone, tossing ice cubes at people from a number of hidden vantage points.

## Physical Appearance

Percy is tall and lanky, with scruffy black hair and bright, grey eyes. He has a cocky, lopsided smile and very expressive eyebrows. His body language is very theatrical, and when he talks, he does so with his hands and entire body.

When dressing normally, Percy wears t-shirts and flannel shirts with jeans and converse shoes.

## Personality and Traits

A born clown with an irritating, flippant attitude toward life and others. Fitz is known to his classmates as an obnoxious, cocky motormouth. Seemingly incapable of taking anything seriously (no matter how dire the situation), Fitz is always ready with a smart-alec remark, offensive comment or smarmy observation.

A simple guy with a strong love of the simple things, Fitz is not very fussy. To him, a good day is one spent watching television with a fresh pack of cigarettes and maybe a good wank thrown in there for good measure. Confident and smarmy, he has a habit of teasing and mocking others, and indeed, his sense of humor can seem quite crude and hurtful at times.

Fitz's sense of humor has a lean toward filthy schoolboy humor, with a dirty mind reminiscent of a fourteen year-old. Possessing very little shame, if he has any at all, and he is willing to go to any lengths to make a joke work. There is no topic too riske and no joke too gross or inappropriate; masturbation, bodily fluids, fetishes, various aspects of the human anatomy, bestiality, infant-on-infant violence, bathroom humor, religious pedophelia...nothing is off-limits. Fitz just likes having fun and having a good laugh, regardless of how the things he says make him look to others; he honestly doesn't care what anybody else thinks. This is both a good and bad thing, as Fitz has almost no filter, which gets him into a lot of trouble. He has a bit of an anarchist streak in him, forgoing what one would consider decency, no matter the context.

He likes having fun and getting under people's skin, pushing their buttons to see how far he can push them. He has trouble empathizing with others to an extent; nothing really hurts him, and a part of him does not understand that not everybody is like that. Everyone else's insults and comments seem to bounce right off him. For others, if they take offense to his jokes and "good-natured horsing around", that's their own fault.

In general, he places no value on authority and not only openly defies and disrespects those in a position of power, but he actively torments, teases, berates, annoys and back-talks them. Just because somebody is in a position of authority doesn't mean that Fitz is going to listen to them; in fact, it often means the exact opposite. Fitz only respects those who have *earned* it.

## Magical Abilities and Skills

Fitz is a decent spellcaster, not that you'd guess it by looking at him. He tends to focus on spells and lore he deems as entertaining or useful.

* **Charms:** Fitz likes the sheer versatility of charms and has found a surprising number of interesting uses for charms that maybe his teacher did not intend.
* **Curses:** He has a particular talent for being difficult and making others' day harder.

## Major Relationships

### Family

Fitz hates his family. Bunch of useless twats.

### Rose Granger-Weasley

Rose is a Gryffindor girl in his year and he's known how uptight she is and how much fun it is to press her buttons since year one. He enjoys getting under her skin and giving her a hard time, because she's such an easy target and watching her flip out is so fun to see.

## Trivia

* Doesn't have a favorite color. No, wait, maybe orange.

* Favorite book is *Fight Club*.
* Loves to watch movies. His current favorite is *Alien*.
* Has a very eclectic taste in music.
* Can play the ukulele.
* Allergic to shellfish.
* Fitz is a vegetarian.
* Favorite booze is, stereotypically enough, Guinness.