Nominally Gnominess

## Description

In which the Beef Babes get up to No Good At All when Bethanee leaves them alone for like two minutes.

## Synopsis

The Beef Babes return as champions to Hestovar. Bethanee receives most of the praise while the rest of the party are set aside as non believers. They head to bed early and don’t find Bethanee when they wake.

Mother Bullmoose visits an informs them that Bethanee is now a very important person and will be away for a few days. King Priest minus has been investigating the dark portals that have been popping up. Lalandre has stolen a relic from Moradin’s Forge. The tear of Zariel is the the relic taken from Moradin’s forge. Zariel was one of Pelor’s favourites before she fell into hell and became queen of Avernus. Kit asks if they’ll have formal titles for this job of retrieving this artefact, Mother Bullmoose states they are to do this job in secret. Kit asks for a blank cheque for performing this task. They get chits to take to the quartermaster

Freezo figures out that Kit and the rest of the party cannot activate Freezo’s Friendship bracelet. They head to Quartermaster Orrix and exchange their chits for potions and iron bracers. Freezo states they’re off to kill Torm. Questioning how he can kill a god, Freezo corrects to “Killing” Merrick the Righteous, he warns that he might need to “fun murder” Orrix if he keeps asking questions.

They use their code words (Juniper Berry, Internet and Charisma) to summon their horses. They head to the pub “wine over water” and create back stories as to where and why they are travelling. They agree on pretending to be a Bachelor party.

Their story is Bushu is getting married and converting religions to Salune. Kit is his best man and Freezo is the brother in law he was made to invite. They put on various disguises and get penis straws to make the disguise complete.

They leave Hestovar and head into a tavern called “The wine of the water” where Lalandre last stayed. Freezo Stubbs his toe kicking the open door. They talk loudly about the marriage plans drawing the intention of the pub. The pub is silent while they argue amongst themselves. They get some grape wine and book the room Lalandre had yesterday and head up to the room. Freezo states that he will spare the bartender.

They investigate Lalandre’s bedroom. Freezo finds a letter that is blotted over. Kit uses some charcoal to rub and read the rest of the letter. They head down to the bartender to speak more they find out more about Vayne who lives in the observatory nearby. A failed deception check later and the bartender realises their story is false and regains their room key back.

Freezo looks for a beast. There is an elf outside who has a white Timberwolf. Freezo tells the Timberwolf that the bartender has killed lots of wolves. The Elf questions why Freezo would say this. The tall and powerful Elf asks if Freezo wants a fight why not have one with him? The Elf declares bloodstrife on Freezo and they will meet in battle in 3 days.

They head to the observatory, ditching the “Batchelor party” pretence they instead pretend that they are on a field trip from Feywild University. Entering the observatory they meet a Lord master Vayne - a Gnome. She offers them all Apple Pie. It’s delicious. Vayne is more interested in the stars and no interested in Elysium warring gods.

Bushu looks through the optoscope at the 9 places of Hell. Freezo notices that Lalandre was here recently and with Vayne. Freezo asks why Lalandre was here recently  Vayne explains for food and to see Avernus through the optoscope. Vayne confirms that Zariel’s tear exists. Bushu loses the bet with Freezo and gets a dip from Bushu’s bag. Bushu gives him his sending stone. Bushu states he’s looking for an old friend. He enquires where Lalandre has gone. Vayne sees through this deception and says goodbye to them. Kit comes clean with Vayne in an attempt to smooth things over but she forces them out of the door.

Vayne did let slip that Lalandre headed to the Morningwood as the sun begins to set. Kit suddenly realises they are being encircled by elves. The dismount off their horses and ask the elves for a quiet place for the evening. An elf steps out of the forest as more join him arrows pointed at the party. The question why Freezo has brought these outsiders to the forest. Freezo explains that his companions have battled together and again requests a place to stay for the night. They are blindfolded and are taken to Almathara the head of the wood elves

Almathara welcomes the party for the night but states they must leave in the morning. Freezo requests help but tries to gamify the situation leading to Almathara to delve deep into his psyche. Almathara explains that the bloodstrife is a pact between two people that they will have a battle and the loser will refuse all resurrection magic and leave their fate to the gods.

Freezo admits that he’s a spy and says that he needs to track down someone. But can’t explain further. Bushu explains Freezo is a bit crazy asks for a calming balm for Freezo. A calming Hot Dog is provided. Freezo states he’s looking for a bad elf who came through here. Freezo states there is corruption in the church of Salune and that they have seen Githsarian Monk in the robes of Salune. Kit shows a symbol of Salune and a letter of introduction from episode 1.

Almathara does not have the tools to investigate it. Freezo offers the eyes of minute viewing, Almathara states the letter is a forgery. Freezo comes clean and states that they’re looking for Lalandre. Almathara does not buy this story. She tells them they *must* stay in the tower and *do not* go to the white tower to the north where Lalandre is.

*They plan intricate disguises again. I’ve given up at this point. If you want to write down what on earth happens here it occurs 1:52 from the start.*

Bushu  transforms into his pseudodragon form. He flies over to the North tower and drops a rope so the others can climb to the top of the tower. Bushu sees two figures but tugs the rope to summon Kit and Freezo. Kit climbs up while Freezo flies up to the tower and they all hide behind a pillar. Bushu sneaks forward in his pseudodragon form Bush knocks over some mustard and we go into combat.

Kit uses his lightening javelin at the guards, Freezo uses his Hexblade. Bushu transforms back and sends out an acid splash. They attack kit and Bushu with ruthless efficiency.

Kit attacks with his double blades scimitar. And Freezo continues the attack wanting one of them to be his spectre.  One of the guard flees while the other attacks Kit. Kit chases the other guard and tackles him to the ground. Bushu joins kit and can’t seem to stab the man that is pinned to the ground. Kit drags the man up the stairs while Bushu stabs him, Freezo Eldritch blasts the guard’s soul out of him. At the death of one of the guards Elves appear around the Beef Babes and trap them with bows aimed at them.

## Characters

### Beef Babes

* Freezo F Frezopherson
* Bushu
* Kit Gingerson

### NPCs

* Mother Bullmoose
* Quartermaster Orrix
* White diamond - the horse with a human nose
* Clyde - The Clydesdale
* Pepper - The Palamino
* Gensley - The Bartender
* Lord Master Vayne
* Dihirene
* Almathara - Leader of the Wood Elves

## Places

* Hestovar
* Wine over water Tavern
* The Observatory
* MorningWood
* The White Towers.

## Themes, Tropes and Running Jokes

* “Hail no one” as they are not working for the church of Pelor the Beef Babes “Hail no one”
* I make an Arcana check - Freezo doesn’t trust that the wine from the bar won’t be poisoned.
* The Bloodstrife Curse begins. A Dave invention to reign in Hing from being a little shit.
* The 9 planes of Hell are mirror reflections of other planes, examples given are;

Avernus - City of Brass

Feywild - Shadowfell

Stijya - Bluffs of chance

* Freezo’s very normal Chongus - every time he gets a boner it rips through his pants due to its barber nature.

## Quotes

* “It looks like the AirBnB symbol”
* My name is Bush, Barbara Bush”
* “My name is Mirvac the Righteous”
* “Morningwood?”. . .

. .

“Glittering white spires”

“Glistening?”

“Throbbing?”

“You know what. It’s called bonerville”

* “There’s lots of food, all mustard themed”

## Table Talk

* “You do realise you are playing dungeons and dragons with your friends”

“Against my friends, yes”

“Hing has won every season so far”

* “ The trinity of intimidation, persuasion and deception that is meant to encompass all forms of manipulation,  the reason why I frequently have to get you to do charisma checks is that I don’t know how to describe what you want to do.  You want him to like you be scared of you and not know your true motives at the same time!”
* “Wood elves, is not a horny term. It is legit proper fantasy, if you giggle when you hear the term “wood elf” you need to take a long, hard look at yourself”
* “Can I use ‘disguise self’ on someone else?

“The spell is called ‘Disguise. Self’”

* “We have to end it there because of time but you are all fuuuuucked”