Bad Business as Usual

"Whaddya mean I'm not a villain!?" King Dedede asked in utter disbelief.

"Did I stutter?" Ganondorf asked coldly, not even looking up from his hand of cards. "You simply aren't welcome here anymore."

"Why the heck not!?" Dedede asked. "I'm just as much a villain as the rest of ya'll!"

"Short answer?" Ridley said, turning his attention to the Dream Land king. "You're dead weight."

"I jus' don't understand," Dedede said. "Ya'll welcomed me into this here villains club with open arms ever since Brawl, up until Ultimate. And now you're suddenly kickin' me out? What gives?"

"And now those arms are closed," Bowser said. "It's not that we don't want you here, we just simply don't have enough room. Have a look around you, this tournament has introduced more villainous scum that I've ever seen in my life."

Dedede looked at the villains that surrounded the large card table. He wasn't wrong, there certainly more a lot more villains here than last time. Wart, King Boo, Petey Piranha, Kamek, Mother Brain, Black Knight, Leon, Pigma... and an empty seat.

"There's an empty chair here, whaddya numbskulls tryin' to pull?" he said, making a move for the seat. "This must be some practical joke! Very funny, guys-"

Everyone stood up from their seats and pointed their weapons at the portly penguin. All except Sluggy the Unshaven, who simply continued to stare at him onimously. He laughed nervously and backed away.

"Looks like you'se ain't kiddin..." Dedede said. "Well, whose this seat for!?"

"Can't you read?" Ganondorf asked. "It says 'reserved for Beady Long Legs'."

"WHAT!?" Dedede shouted. "YA'LL WOULD RATHER HAVE THAT SPIDER HERE THAN ME!?"

"Can you just take the hint and get lost?" Wolf said, enunciating that last part with venom. "We're trying to play a game here."

"You can't do this to me!" he wailed. "I'm the big bad of Kirby! Without me, ya'll are sorely lacking in representation!"

"Wrongamundo, bucko!" Marx cackled from the other side of the table. "We got more Popstar rivals this time!" Next to him was Dark Meta Knight, who stared daggers at Dedede, wanting nothing more than for him to be kicked out of the vicinity.

"B-But... I was the ORIGINAL baddie for Kirby!" Dedede tried to defend.

"Yeah, was," King Boo said as he shuffled his cards around. "You just haven't been living up to the name of a villain nowadays. Answer us, when was the last time you tried anything remotely evil? When was the last time you steered Kirby off-course to take everything for yourself?"

"Dat's easy!" Dedede laughed. "Why, jus' recently I tried to kick Kirby to the curb! I even had this wicked transformation with these beefed-up arms o' mine! L-like this!" Dedede flexed his arms, which only got disappointing looks from the rest of the villains, who murmered to themselves. "I-I did! I brought down my whole castle an' everythin'!"

"Yeah, we believe you," Sephiroth said. "But, if you don't mind my inquiry, was that of your own volition, or was there another force at play controlling you to do that."

Before Dedede could answer that, another voice interrupted. "Actually, that was me that brought down that castle!"

"Macho Dedede!" Bowser welcomed. "We were starting to wonder you wouldn't make it. We saved a seat right here for you."

"Thanks, Bowz," Macho Dedede said as he waltzed his way into the room, pushing normal Dedede aside to take his seat with the other villains. The Dream Land king could not believe what he was seeing right now, his mouth wide agape and his eyes the size as dinner plates.

"Oh, don't feel too bad darling," Madame Broode offered. "You could always sit with the other villains." She pointed to the other side of the room, which sat Bowser Jr., the seven Koopalings, Piranha Plant, Deku Baba, and Chain Chompikins. There was also a seat reserved for Porky, though he thought he was too good for them.

At this point, Dedede was royally ticked off. "FINE! I don't need none of ya'll anywho! I'm more of a villain than the rest of you'se combined!"

"That's it, leave or I'm MAKING you leave!" Dry Bowser roared as he got up from his seat, blue flames burning up in his mouth. Not wanting to tango with a skeleton, Dedede ran out of the room at last. The skeletal Koopa king took a seat back down. "Gods he's annoying," he groaned. "You really used to have him hang around with you?"

"To be frank, even during Ultimate he wasn't quite a villain," King K. Rool mused. "I'm not sure why we waited this long to give him the boot."

"Well, the past is in the past," Ganondorf said. "Now then... where were we?"

Outside the room, Dedede stormed off, nothing short of pissed off at what had happened. "Those neanderthals thinkin' they's too good for me... Thinkin' I's been playin' it too good with them goodie two-shoe heroes..." he grumbled to himself. "Well I'll show 'em! They'll RUE the day they kicked me out!"

It was at that moment King Dedede decided he was going to be the most evil villain in all of Super Smash Bros. They were gonna *pay*.