Wizard 23

**Chapter 23**

The Wet Dirt People's village is...interesting.

*“...a collection of buildings constructed of a kind of mud brick, surfaced with a tan clay plaster and topped with grass roofs that leaked as they became dry, and had to be replaced constantly to keep the rain at bay. There were wood doors, but no glass in the windows of the thick walls, only cloth hanging in some to keep out the weather.”*

This paints a very confusing picture. The mud-covered, skin-wearing savages live in quaint brick houses. Okay, I can accept that...I'll pretend it's adobe and move on. But leaky roofs that have to be constantly replaced? What's wrong with thatched roofs; those are supposed to be pretty water-resistant? What's wrong with bison hides, or similar-large-animal hides? That's how many Native America tribes did it. If you're going to go to the trouble of constructing a village of permanent houses (as opposed to nomadic tents or tipis), it seems like you would go the extra mile and figure out a roof that doesn't leak.

And...wood doors. In a grassland. Uh-huh. \~/ Not buffalo hide, which would make sense. Not wicker, or cloth, or tough woven weed stems. Wood. Which the Mud People acquired...somewhere, and proceeded to plane into boards, sand smooth (using their mad carpentry skillz, of course), and use as doors instead of something more useful. Or, conversely, had made into doors and then hauled it back to their village in the middle of the Wilds. Or maybe those traveling door salesmen are just really determined.

And finally, the note that there is no glass in the windows. Historically, glass was expensive. It would be downright bizarre to find a primitive tribe in the middle of the Wilds with glass windows. It's like mentioning that Richard doesn't have four arms; it should be assumed unless there's reason to believe otherwise. \~/

Two drinks in the first paragraph. We're off to a great start here, folks.

Anyway, Richard and Kahlan meet the six Wet Dirt People elders and exchange greeting-slaps (no punches in the village). Then the elders all drop to one knee before Richard. They believe he has brought rain to the village (which is kind of true, due to the cloud-attracting spell on the trace cloud hooked to him), and they also believe he is a “spirit man,” which is apparently the spirit of an ancestor in physical form. Kahlan wants to use this to gain their assistance, but Richard refuses because it would be a lie, plus the distinct possibility that the magic-wielding Mud People would discover his non-spirit-ness.

Richard gives a speech through Kahlan describing how terrible Darken Rahl is. The elders point out that he has no evidence, and he basically replies, “What if I'm right?” He then asks the elders to call a “council of seers” and locate the magic Darken Rahl wants (the magic box). They agree to consider the matter.

Richard and Kahlan then chat with the Bird Man, whom Richard claims is really in charge. Mud People...Bird Man...I'm noticing a pattern of non-creativity here. The Bird Man doesn't seem to have a proper name; he is apparently so named because he can call birds to him. He is “Not old, but not young,” and has long gray hair. He blows a bone whistle, which is silent, but attracts a hawk to his arm. Apparently, unlike dog whistles, the hawk whistle completely overrides the natural instincts of the bird.

Hey, what's a hawk doing flying around in the rain?

Richard, Kahlan and the Bird Man of Alcatraz retire to a (leaky) hut. There's more chatter, which boils down to the Bird Man believing that Richard is sincere, but he can't call a council for an outsider. Now, if Richard did a great service for the Damp Ground People, he could become one of them and then it would be okay.

Richard asks Kahlan who else they could ask for help, but the Game Master is railroading – er, I mean, the next best prospect is three weeks away. So Richard decides to make the Mud People roofs that don't leak. Oh, and lest you think I was being harsh about the wooden doors earlier, the Bird Man specifically notes that “Wood is too scarce [for roofs]; it must be carried long distances.”

The Mud People are clearly idiots.

Drinks: 2

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