Episode 104 - Baz Luhrmann's Baha Blast (Prince Ariel Part 2)

## Book of Doug Touchstones

### Episode Features

* Second part of the second anniversary four-parter in which Carman reads Prince Ariel to Tyler, Gordie, and guest Brandon

## Featured Story

For more information on Prince Ariel, part 1.

### Overall Plot

* Fearavon has told everyone that Leander tried to kill him and did kill everyone they went hunting with, so the King wants him arrested "on sight."
* News of Leander's arrival reaches the castle and Fearavon is too scared to meet him in person, so he begs his mom to get him seized. She goes to yell at the King to make it happen and Fearavon listens at the door.
* Leander sneaks in with his magic invisible teleportation powers and nails Fearavon's ear to the door.
* Fearavon freaks out loudly so the Queen opens the door and in doing so rips his ear off.
* Leander goes to the Queen's special garden and becomes visible to steal the fruit
* Fearavon takes a bunch of dudes to kill Leander, but when they get there Leander pelts the dudes with oranges and breaks Fearavon's arm by throwing a rock
* Leander turns invisible and trips Fearavon so he falls on his nose. Leander is happy with this revenge. He sends his servants home, mounts his horse, and starts to wander
* He travels a long ways and one day he's chilling in a forest when he sees a man running around crying. The man reveals that his mistress is being forced to marry an ugly rich man.
* Prince Ariel sneaks invisibly into the castle where the girl is and finds her parents yelling at her for not wanting to marry the ugly dude
* Ariel whispers in the mom's ear that she'll die in eight days for being such a bad mom, so she screams and falls to the floor.
* Ariel pulls the same trick with Dad and he cancels the marriage
* Would-be ugly husband wanted to trick them into a marriage "because he's a Norman" but Ariel yells in his ear and stamps on his feet, which stops him
* Girl and her lover get married.
* He finds a kingdom where it's trendy to be in love, so he decides to try loving a lady named Fair Blondine, knowing that he can leave whenever
* Fair Blondine is hot and clever but cold and serious and she is not interested in him. He uses his magic rose to see whether she loves him and it withers. He's decided this means that she loves someone else! Even though that's not what that means.
* He invisibly sneaks into her bedroom that night and learns that she loves a musician. He pushes the musician off a balcony and writes a letter about why Fair Blondine is the worst.
* He reaches a town where they're celebrating the making of an unwilling vestal virgin. Ariel saves her, gives her money so she can marry her lover, and she lives happily ever after.

## Discussion Points

* The logistics of getting 1000 soldiers to a garden
* 'Prince Ariel' being the name for an air spirit because it sounds like the word 'air' is the worst super hero name
* Reactions to being a woman told by an invisible spirit that you'll die soon for being such a bad mom:
	+ Brandon: scream or fall to the floor but not both
	+ Gordie: duck and cover
	+ Tyler: start swingin'
	+ Carman: \*low-pitched karate chop noise\* flail
* Good band names
	+ French Evil Spock
	+ Ugly Doublet
* Is it the hat that makes him a neck beard or was he always a jerk?
* Joe Chill (the man who killed Batman's parents in some continuities) is the common element in all stories
		- Gordie gets series of trials because Leander does a series of adventures
	+ Gordie: Someone else gets fairy powers
	+ Brandon: He's going to walk around shaking his dick some more and think he's great
	+ Tyler: He finally gets his comic book accurate costume
* The lady he shook his rose at is definitely getting arrested for money crimes
* Ariel does not need the horse
* Moral: Don't be Ariel

#### Notable Quotes

* Brandon [as Ariel]: My girlfriend used to be a snake and now I can fly!
* Carman: [Leander]'s got the invisi-fedora. You can't see that neck beard coming.
* Gordie: Either way, you get a Family Feud noise.
* Carman: Japan could have a field day with any of d'Aulnoy's works
* Tyler: No subterranean enemy...yet