Tabloid

*"You're insulting the man who holds your secrets in one hand and several million people's perceptions of you in the other. I'd be careful, if I were you."*

-Tabloid, *A Marshmallow's Guide to Loving a Complete Idiot* Lesson 34

### Age

Old enough to write some... choice things.

### Occupation

Reporter, Sensationalist, and Celebrity

**Tabloid** is a tabloid magazine who made his The Brewery debut on May 30th, 2017. He existed long before that, as he appeared in a chapter of *A Marshmallow's Guide to Loving a Complete Idiot,* authored by SkaterCheese. The chapter he appeared in was published in October 2017.

His homeworld is a close cousin to the Inanimate Insanity universe, and doesn't get many visitors.

His creator and current roleplayer is SkaterCheese.

## Appearance

Tabloid is a yellow magazine with brightly colored titles and such on him. His upper right-hand corner is folded, but that's more or less the only sign of wear-and-tear he has. He's very well-groomed and has a notably glossy appearance.

His cover and pages are notably smooth, thin, bendy. Combined with the fact that he doesn't have more than one hundred pages, he's very susceptible to damage. For this reason, he abstains from physical fights at any cost.

He's, obviously, extremely flammable.

## Character Description on HTCRP

*"So this is the place where stuff's always abrew? Looks like a dump to me."*

Breaking news!

There's always something abrew at our lovely Brewery, and where something is abrew, Tabloid follows! A dedicated reporter and a celebrity in his own right , he's always in search for a new story. He's quick-witted and even quicker to take notes whenever there's action. Fact checks are for squares, and embellishment never made a story less entertaining. Other people's secrets? Just gold. They make for the best of stories. Some... sacrifices can be made for the sake of getting the scoop. Nobody ever got famous by playing by the rules.

He's extremely confident, but if you had a face like his, wouldn't you be, too? Just don't wrinkle him or his good mood, because this magazine doesn't take very kindly to that!

## Personality

Tabloid often has a showman's disposition. He often smiles and may exaggerate his reactions for an invisible audience. He asks a lot of questions and is slick and skilled with words.

He feels some people are below him and ought to be reverent. When someone who isn't reverent towards him (or who he dislikes for some other reason) is around, he drops the act and tends to be really, really rude. He prefers for people to be very respectful (...Though not to an extreme. See: Veil.). He's spoiled in that way. He also expects pristine sleep -- if he doesn't get it, he tends to be very grumpy. Lately this trait has been emphasized by several factors.

He's constantly looking for sensational story to spin; he'll do it at any cost. Whether it's stretching the truth, manipulation, spying, or prying, there aren't a lot of limits for him. Tabloid sometimes flirts to get what he wants. Sometimes, he thinks of things in a dirty-minded fashion. That's just a consequence of his career choice -- pay it little mind!

Going with this singlemindedness, he can also be very stubborn.

For all his faults, though, he's definitely curious! He truly enjoys learning about people's life stories even beyond what he reports on. He really likes an oddity, so if there's someone particularly odd in the Brewery, he'll spend a lot of time learning about them. He gets genuine enjoyment from making others feel important while he's with them, too!

He's also done a handful of really dandy things, for no evident personal gain.

Is it possible that there's a heart in there somewhere? Guess we'll have to wait and find out!

## Abilities

His thin shape lets him sneak under doors rather easily, although he prefers to avoid the floor and its germs. He's a gifted storyteller and knows how to wow a crowd. He doesn't really have any superpowers, though.

He usually carries a camera, a notepad, and a pencil with him to record what's going on. He has an excellent memory for details, as well.

## Relationships

### Overall

When Tabloid came to the Brewery, he didn't have many genuine friends, and wasn't particularly close to his family, either.That still hasn't really changed even months later.

He's been on many dates, but he's never felt much affection for anyone else (until recently -- see below). He likely believes it's not something for him, and that few women would be worthy of even a chance with him. He flirts liberally, but mostly for his own amusement and to endear himself to more people.

He's super out-of-his-depth with homosexual relationships. He tends to see them as scandalous and shameful. Tabloid gets extremely defensive and dismissive whenever someone suggests he's anything but heterosexual. For this reason, he flirts markedly, egregiously more with women and nonbinary folk as opposed to men.

### With Veil

Tabloid and Veil are engaged, and wedding preparations are under way! Their emotions for each other are rather hard to read and understand. It's very heterosexual, you see.

They met when Veil was attempting to take One away. Tabloid flirted incessantly with Veil in an attempt to distract her, and that culminated in a wedding proposal that wound up being made into an engagement by a coin-flip.

Tabloid feels little affection for Veil. While he is enthralled somewhat by the novelty of a committed relationship, he hardly knows anything about her. He's often freaked out by just how subservient she is, even though, ironically, that's exactly the sort of woman he would've said he wanted. Be careful what you wish for, 'Bloid. If he could back out of the engagement, it's possible that he would -- if he weren't so darn stubborn.

Veil seems to feel some genuine affection for Tabloid at times, but she's rather hard to read.

He isn't particularly faithful towards Veil, but expects loyalty in return, as well as for her to often visit.

Ever since Veil murdered Celigna, Tabloid has attempted to comfort their beau Petals. His opinion of Veil has changed, but it's not necessarily clear if it's been lowered or not.

### With Nirva

*"Hey, m'Nirva."*

Nirva (played by June) and Tabloid are fellow writers, and as a result were fast friends. They have been known to hang out together on the Brewery couch, exchanging writing tips and ideas over cups of coffee.

Nirva often humors Tabloid's dastardly schemes. She tends to ask some of the "why" and "how' questions that help him strengthen his plans, while also bolstering his ego. He seems to have some genuine care for Nirva in return.

They've had some interactions which have been more flirtatious in nature. For example, Tabloid seems fond of sitting on Nirva's lap, and she has kissed the corner of his cover before. It's possible that Nirva understands Tabloid better than anyone else... not that he's easy to understand.

The nature of their relationship is unclear, both to outsiders and them.

### With One

*"I think you'd make a good attraction at a fair or something," Tabloid replies. "There's good money at fairs. They have those freak-show tents that make people feel better about themselves."*

Tabloid used to have a dislike of One, and thought of them as being a freak. He was openly insensitive towards them. That didn't stop One from treating Tabloid as a friend, though! One treats, like, everyone as a friend.

After a tell-all interview taking place in the Brewery bathroom, Tabloid came to have a soft spot for One. It's a paternal sort of affection. This made him One's most passionate defender when Celigna tried to take them back home; uncharacteristically, he didn't back down at all until the very immediate threat of physical harm happened.

He was the leader of an effort to protect One when Veil came, too, as he coordinated with Skatebook (and IIRC some other folks) to smuggle One to safety. He went a little too far in that instance, though... See Veil.