A Crucial Item

## BULLYING IS NOT ALLOWED!

For those who like to bully you need to go away. Let me put this poem up for you real fast to see if you will change but, probably not. :/

I am going to put some fake stories of bullying up for you all to read what it is like when somebody gets bullied in Gymnastics, Dancing, and Cheerleading. Also there is some dharmann videos on bullying in these sports so go check them out. I will put the links at the bottom of the page with the poem. :)

## Bullying In Gymnastics

Here is her heartbreaking story: This story talks about abuse, and bullying on teams. This is a real story. You don't have to read it if you don't want to! :)

I moved to a new club when I was around 11 years old because their training schedule meant that I no longer had to miss school to train. The club was suggested to me by the national coach, she believed it would be a good fit for me and there was a group that I could join easily. I began with one of my favorite ever coaches, we got along great and she knew how to get the best out of me. Unfortunately she had to have major back surgery so it was decided that myself and another from her group were to join the other advanced/elite group. Even then I had heard rumours about this coach but she had always been so nice towards me that I assumed they were just made up stories. Little did I know!

The coach was always so lovely, kind and sweet to every gymnast she ever came across apart from those that were hers. Eventually when I started speaking up about what was happening the replies were always the same. ‘You must be a nightmare because she’s so nice!’ ‘Why are you lying, she’s the nicest coach there is’. ‘She’s so kind to me, stop making up stories’ and the list goes on. This was all a part of her game. If she was the nicest and kindest to everyone else, no one would believe the real truth if we were to ever share it.

The best way I can describe our conditioning is cruel torture. She would love it when we were all crying in agony. If one of us were to miss a count we would all have to repeat the exercise. This would go on for hours until we were all able to make it through without fail. Some if not most would be sent home during this time and called weak and failures because they couldn’t keep up. It was constant embarrassment and humiliation if you were the one to stop ‘so and so hasn’t stopped and she’s younger than you’ ‘look how much of a baby you are being, you are embarrassing yourself in front of the younger gymnasts’ and so on. I remember being sent to join in with the 5/6 year olds because I couldn’t keep up with our conditioning so I needed to be in a group where I belonged. If I was going to act like a baby I will be treated like a baby.

I would be made to throw untrained skills and when I would admit that I was scared I would be made fun of. If I was not doing exactly as she wanted I would get sent home from training. At times I would be sent home during warm up for a range of different reasons that were all ridiculous. When being sent home we were forced to go to the ‘office’ which was a tiny cupboard with a phone, a small desk and cleaning equipment. I would have to call my mum myself to tell her that she had to come and get me because I had been sent home again. Many occasions my mother hadn’t arrived back home before she had to come and get me. The coach would then text my mum explaining why I had been sent out which mostly were lies or she had majorly exaggerated the truth. Most of the issues always came down to my ‘attitude problem’ so I would then get shouted at by my mother for being disrespectful, rude etc. Many times I would be in the ‘office’ sobbing because I did not want to call my mum to come and get me or to delay it as much as possible so that she at least got home before having to leave again. The coach would scream in my face to call my mum and when I wouldn’t she would close the door on me because my crying was distracting the others. At times I would be in that ‘office’ on my own crying for hours, she would then give up and call my mum for me where I would then beg and plead for her not to. Other occasions I would be so terrified to do skills that I would just freeze. There was one time that I stood on beam in the same position for close to 2 hours trying to convince myself to go for the skill. She eventually asked me if I was going to do it to which I asked if I could get spot or do it on a lower beams first and I was pulled off the beam and shoved into the office to call my mum and go home.

I was told multiple times a day for over a year that I needed to be more like another gymnast in our group because everyone loved her and everyone hated me. She was celebrated if she ever beat me in a competition where I was told that my wins weren’t deserved because I was a horrible person, I was lazy, rude, disrespectful and had the worst attitude in the world. She would rarely beat me in competitions but when she did, even if it was only on once piece/event I would leave the competition as quickly as possible and would dream training the nest day because I knew the whole session would be dedicated to praising and celebrating her and belittling and embarrassing me.

How it was seen by me was that I was winning competitions, I was the strongest I had ever been and I was excelling and achieving my dreams therefore how I was being treated was worth it.

I was the oldest in our group by a few months so I unintentionally took it upon myself to protect and look after the others in the group. I would slow down so the others wouldn’t stand out as being too slow. I would purposely fail so that someone wouldn’t be suffering alone. This consequently landed me in more trouble and therefore receiving more abuse. This protector role caused me so much more damage as I would constantly feel guilty that others were being punished. Eventually when I found my voice and started standing up for myself and the others the screaming matches began. But I felt as though I was protecting the others so what did it matter that I had a grown woman screaming in my face and being punished with 6 hour long sessions of conditioning, my gym family was a little safer. My mental health took a nose dive when eventually I decided to move from the club. I felt as though I was abandoning those I had tried so hard to protect. I had failed to do my job and now they were going to suffer because of my selfishness. The others only took a couple more weeks to leave after I had but the feeling of letting those girls down and not doing my job of protecting them still causes me pain and issues to this day.

We made many trips during my time there but the one that will always stick with me was our trip to Florida to compete. I was put into level 9 where all the rest were in level 7, 6 and 5. I was used to competing on my own so it didn’t bother me. There was a club from USA that was competing the same time as me and they were clearly in the wrong level. But no matter how they competed the coaches and teammates were so happy and cheering for each other. My coach caught be watching them and jokingly asked if I wished she was more like that. I automatically said yes. That’s where it all went downhill. When waiting to complete on beam my coach noticed that others on my group were doing more advanced dismounts than I was. She told me that I had to do the same dismount as they were. Never in my life had I trained that dismount and she was asking me to do it for the first time in a competition. I was told that if I didn’t I would be in so much trouble. I ended up falling on a skill because I was so worried about what I was going to do as a dismount. I ended up sticking to the one I actually knew how to do. After the routine she dragged me under the stands where the rest of my teammates and the adults that came with us were watching and imitated the coaches from the USA gym by clapping and cheering over the top in my face at my awful performance. That was my tipping point. I ended up placing on every piece except for beam and was vault champion. The rest of the trip was filled with ridiculous conditioning, some trips to the parks and eating the bare minimum in my case. One day I was sent back to the villa because I was being ‘lazy’ when conditioning. I had multiple overuse injuries and we were conditioning on concrete so I was in pain. I then had to find my own way back to the villa with no adult supervision. I was 13 and in a different country. I did find my way back eventually. One of our final destinations was a shopping trip and we split into small groups. My training group was with my coach except for me, I was out with the lower level kids but it didn’t bother me. We were warned that just because we were able to explore I was not aloud to buy any food and the others on my group had to report back to my coach if I did. My group offered me bites of their cookies etc that they bought but I refused to avoid punishment. I was later told that my coach went and bought everyone who was with her ice cream as a treat. I starved myself and she fed them. It broke my heart.

She turned every adult in my life against me including my parents, coaches at my gym, coaches at other gyms and even national staff. I was made to believe that I was a nightmare, a burden, the hardest person to coach and eventually uncoachable and a waste of space. This made telling the truth so just harder because no one would believe the horrible gymnasts that was a nightmare to coach. One thing that turned the light bulb on for my mum was school reports stating how I was opinionated, heard headed and stubborn (which I am) but that I would always state my case with respect and politeness. I was a pleasure to have in the class, always so happy and bright. Willing to help others even if it meant that I couldn’t progress. School was describing one child which gymnastics was describing the opposite.

There were many adults who were present during everything that happened in the gym and none spoke up. Some would be seeing this daily and said nothing. I like to believe that this was over fear of what my coach would do/say to them and not because they just chose to ignore it. One of these adults who was present at times was the club’s welfare officer, she even came on the Florida trip and witnessed most of what happened. Nothing was ever done! Eventually I came clean about some stuff to my mum and we went to the club welfare officer, against my pleas, with our issues. My mum knew a fraction of the whole story but even that was bad enough for her to speak up and take action. From what I can remember about that conversation the bottom line was that the welfare officer wasn’t going to do anything about what was happening so we began making plans to move to another club. This was made more difficult with the fake rumors that has been spread about me by the coach but eventually we found a club that was happy to have me as some of the coaches there remembered me from years back. That moved changed me life for the better!

This is the most I have ever shared on my experience. I have shared some stories with my mother of my time there but she doesn’t truly know the full story of everything that happened. She felt so much guilt for believing every word that my coach told her about me that I don’t want to burden her further with the full truth. My best friends who I love so much and trust them with my life also don’t know my experiences. Some were in my life throughout this whole thing and I never confided in them or shared what was happening. I dealt with this whole thing on my own and have dealt with the consequences since alone too.

## Bullying In Cheerleading

This story is a short little story of boys who were bullied in Cheerleading and ended up committing suicide :( Very sad but, this is life.

soon after launching in 2011, CheerMAD got involved in bullying prevention after eight young male cheerleaders committed suicide in six months. These young men, ages 7 to 18, were literally bullied to death, bullied for doing what they loved: cheerleading. They committed suicide because they just wanted the pain to stop and saw no other way out.

Bullying Prevention became CheerMAD's mission and national campaigns followed (see below)

In 2013, CheerMAD founder Lisa D. Welsh was invited to Washington D.C. and speak with U.S. Congressmen James P. McGovern, D-Massachusetts and Daniel Davies, D-Illinois on Capitol Hill about the need for concise Federal Civil Rights law that would make bullying illegal. Efforts continue with the cheer industry leading the way for national reform.

Most recently, CheerMAD joined parents, athletes, and coaches in the first Male Cheerleading Forum in Dallas, Texas which sparked new momentum to the serious widespread problems of bullying.

## Bullying In Dancing

This is a story about 2 girls who teach other girls on how to deal with bullying in a dance studio. This has every type of bullying in this article and what happened to them.

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# Bullying in the Dance World: Dealing With Mean Girls

Sheri from Reflections in Sequins and Satin has shared with us a great article about bullying. This is such a huge problem in our society we are excited to share it with you.

A group of girls go out after practice and don’t invite you. When you score a top award for your solo, you hear others whisper that you didn’t deserve it. After your worst day in rehearsal, another dancer corrects your technique in front of the entire cast.

Chances are you’ve seen things like this happen, to yourself or someone else. Maybe you’ve even acted this way toward others. In a high-pressure environment where dancers are often competing against each other to be cast in the best roles, jealousy and stress can drive girls to their cattiest.

Naming the Beast

Any action that hurts someone’s relationship with others—teasing, gossiping, spreading rumors or deliberately excluding someone—is called relational aggression. It can be as subtle as rolling your eyes or as overt as insulting someone’s appearance in front of others or behind her back.

Experts say that relational aggression is more common in girls than boys and peaks in middle school, though research as to why this is the case has offered a number of possible reasons. Dr. Cheryl Dellasega, author of Mean Girls Grown Up, says that relational aggression tends to be more common in activities where bodies are on display such as dance, swimming and gymnastics. This leads to comparisons, jealousy and self-esteem issues. Girls who are mean to others benefit by boosting their own self-esteem—they might get a laugh from others or bond with fellow dancers by excluding or insulting someone else.

How To Respond

If you’re the victim of mean comments or actions, immediately talk to someone outside the studio (a parent, an older sibling or a friend) about what happened and how it made you feel. “Come up with a plan for yourself including things you can do [next time],” says Dellasega. Some options are to walk away, say “that hurt my feelings” or make a joke.

The textbook response to bullying is to give an “I statement,” such as “I felt really upset when you insulted me in front of everyone.” In real life, though, that might not be the best approach, especially for teens, says Dr. Laura Martocci, a sociology professor at Wagner State University. “Oftentimes, bullies don’t care, [because] they’re trying to make you miserable,” she explains. “It’s also making [your] feelings totally contingent: ‘I feel bad when you do this, so you should stop doing that because I can’t feel good about myself.’”

Instead, take control of the situation by reacting in the best possible way that suits you. If you’re shy, confidently ignoring mean comments can be the most comfortable response. Using sarcasm—like saying, “you don’t have to blow out my candle to make yours brighter”—allows you to stand up for yourself and turn around the situation. Throwing back another insult, on the other hand, will only put a bully on the defensive and escalate the situation.

If you’re confrontational, try turning your enemy into a friend by talking to her outside of the studio one-on-one, suggests Dellasega. Explain that her behavior bothers you, and ask if there is something you’ve done to upset her. Tell her that you’d like to try to work together instead of against each other, and keep the situation neutral by asking her what she thinks you both could do to change things. After she responds, work together to come up with some guidelines for the future. For example, if she has something to say about your performance, ask her to speak to you individually and directly, rather than talking to others about it.

When Enough Is Enough

When another dancer’s behavior is affecting your happiness in class, it’s time to talk to your teachers so they can address the behavior or mediate a group discussion. “Your teachers should address things as they happen—[something] as simple as eye-rolling—with that person immediately after class,” says Diane Scarcella, a regional director for The Ophelia Project, a national organization that educates teens about relational aggression.

If there’s a widespread problem with relational aggression in your school or studio, you’ll need the leadership of instructors to change the culture. Teachers and coaches should demonstrate appropriate behavior themselves and make it a school-wide standard.

Start traditions that promote respect like applauding each other after class and making an effort to genuinely congratulate fellow dancers on a good performance or competition. Instructors at Linda Dies Dance Unlimited in Warren, PA, worked with Scarcella on a studio-wide project to curb meanness. They’ve adopted the motto “It’s cool to be kind,” and posted a mission statement including standards of respect, tolerance and understanding near the entrance of the studio. A lobby bulletin board displays dancers’ positive achievements outside of dance, and they’ve also made it a classroom rule that dancers are not to correct each other; it’s the teacher’s job to give corrections, no matter how experienced the students.

Juggling Jealousy

Jealousy and insecurity are major contributors to the mean-girl phenomenon. In the dance world and the real world, there will always be someone who is better than you at something, so learn to accept your natural feelings of envy. “There’s nothing wrong with looking at another dancer and saying, ‘Wow, she can do that better than I can.’ It’s what we do with [that knowledge] from that point on,” says Dr. Cheryl Dellasega. Instead of reacting to envy by putting others down, channel your envy in a positive direction. Harness those feelings to motivate yourself to work harder at achieving your own goals. Or, ask that fellow dancer to share the secrets of her success with you.

Dr. Cheryl Dellasega gives straight answers on how best to react in two common studio scenarios.

Q. What should I do if the meanest girl of all gets the lead role?

A. Ask yourself, did she get [the role] because she’s mean or because she’s talented? Having people recognize her abilities is going to make her feel more secure and decrease that mean behavior. However, if she gets something that everyone else wants and people treat her badly because of it, it may reinforce her thoughts of “See, I’m right. None of them are my friends anyway.” It’s how you respond that determines your future—if you’re going to be mean and nasty to her, then [her] mean behavior is likely to continue. If you’re the bigger person and say, “Hey, congratulations,” or “I know you worked really hard to get that,” it may improve your relationship with her. Be gracious; this scenario will repeat itself throughout life. It’s important to learn that people are always going to get things that you want, and they aren’t necessarily going to be the nicest people.

Q. What should I do if I get the lead and others are talking about me behind by back?

A. Win them over by helping them feel secure and recognizing that they are talented too. If you see that other girls are talking about you and are resentful of you, make a point of approaching them one-on-one and saying, “Listen, I wouldn’t be where I am now without your support. I just want to thank you for being a part of this group, because we all work together to make everybody look good.”

What have you heard at your studio? Do you have issues with bullying often?

Please stop bullying everywhere not even in these sports. It seems most people who get bullied commit suicide everyday. They cant handle there life with a bully like you who bully them. If there is bullying going on in your life please contact the mods to help you.