With Friends Like These...

***With Friends Like These...*** is the first episode of *The Alan 10 Campaign*.

## Plot

A prisoner transport ship flies through the void of space. Piloting the ship is a Rursusapien, the species of Checkpoint.

The "passengers" of the ship are comprised of Samhain Spectre Hallow the Ectonurite, Argo Beetleburger the Wadienforsparo, Dani Fozzul the Lenopan, and Jez Alba the Longum Intervavem. Energy barriers keep them in respective cells, and dampen their powers to prevent escaping.

Walking between the cells is a Destinarante Purgatoris Mentiudex Praeposiudece, Judgilante's species, named Obsecro Prohibere.

"Listen up. We're nearing Venaficentia, home to the Sotoraggians. With ElevenEleven's help, Excambalir and his posse have escaped Locuss Carceran and taken up refuge there. The planet's half wasteland, half criminal underworld. A retched place. Our mission is to return with Excambalir and the others. Quite frankly, with your criminal status, I don't give a damn if you lot survive or not. But if we're successful, you have every right to go free. So you had better hope you've got what it takes to survive."

Alba pridefully puts his wing on his chest. “It’s not like you should worry. With me here, we shall surely succeed. Just look at my commendations!”

“Me? Croak?” Samhain asks in a raspy voice before cackling. “It’s not easy to destroy an Ectonurite. You should know that.” He just floats around his cell, knowing very well he couldn’t escape and therefore he wouldn’t try.

"Easy? No. Impossible?" Obscero remarks before pointing his gavel in the direction of Alba "And your commendations mean nothing upon your incarceration."

"Fo' shizzle" The Rursusapien, whose name is Domum Segmentum, speaks up from the pilot seat "That golden bling don't mean nothin in this hizzy"

"Please stop talking. You're not good at it."

Samhain snickers at their arguing, taking pleasure in it. Alba rears back in shock from Obscero's comment, as if literally blown back.

“They’re right you know. Your former status means nothing now that you’re a lowly prisoner. So I suggest you get over it.”

Alba pulls on his beard feathers. “Well, even if you *must* discount them, I’m still a devilish planner. My murder plot needed a seven man team to crack!”

“Aw, is Flintheart Glomgold upset that we put him down?” Samhain turns away in his cell, facing a wall. “I incited a full on civil war by possessing a prince. Nobody knew it was my doing until the resistance killed my puppet and I was exposed. Shame too, I liked that body.” He coldly states. “And what about the other prisoners? What are you in for?”

The Lenopan girl was in a puddle in her holding cell staying quiet. Looking at her muddy body in disgust.

“Ok then, obviously you need to acclimate to your situation more.” Samhain responds to the silence

Alba looks at her. “I had a Lenopan as a subordinate in my smuggling ring. She was quite good at impersonations. I assume the same for you, girl?”

Dani stays quiet, her eyes facing the corner away from everyone.

“Hey, Captain Vul. Shut the hell up and leave the girl alone. She’s obviously scared, probably confused.”

“No. Skin. Disgusting." Dani comments, finally breaking her silence.

“You didn’t even know you were a Lenopan, did you?” Samhain's comment garners no response. “That’s horrible. For once in my ‘life’, I feel pity. I must be sick but I digress, in a way I guess you don’t deserve...this.”

“Something peculiar I noticed. You don’t exactly seem like you’ve really committed a crime.” Alba squawks,

“Congratulations, you *ARE* a genius!” Samhain remarks snidely.

"Dirty..." Dani comments about herself.

“Listen to me, girl. Take deep breaths and acclimate to your surroundings. I don’t suggest you look at me though, unlike the giant Pelican over there I’m probably not something you’d want to behold right now.” Samhain once again gets no response. "...Good." Samhain then goes quiet as well.

"Going off of my justice sense," Obscero comments "As well as the information I've gotten on all your cases, all of you are at least somewhat deserving of this. ...Not that being locked up by your own kind out of fear of weirdness is something I necessarily condone" He says while turning towards the silent Wadienforsparo.

“I think he’s asleep” Samhain casually comments. “Earlier he wouldn’t SHUT UP.”

"You rang?" Argo growls as he wakes up.

"You're finally awake" Obscero remarks

"And that's good news" Domum chimes in "We're gettin' down close to Venaficentia airspace. This house has got the mad hook up with weapons to use against authority forces that keep tryna bust in, but *we've* got some mad hook up of our own with our defenses."

"Sotorragians, such a beautiful race and Venaficentia is such a great place to go on holiday, if only.." Argo looks around at his holding cell. ".. buggers"

“Hmmm?” Samhain inquires.

"You should try Sotorragian Bullet Nuggies, if you get the chance." Argo comments.

"I'm partial to the Sotoragian Glaar Fries mysel-" Domum's comment is cut short when something hits the ship, causing it to head towards the planet just a teensy bit faster.

Obscero almost falls over, using his gavel to stabilize himself "What was that?!"

"We got a bogey on our six, judge!"

"Damnit..." Obscero joins Domum in the cockpit of the ship.

A hologram pulls up to show a Sotoraggian ship following the group. Domum activates the ship's self defense: a large laser canon from the top which can be aimed in any direction. As he aims it backwards and charges it up, the Sotoraggian ship fires what appears to be a large harpoon into it.

"...Oh shi-"

The jammed weapon explodes upon charging up, causing the ship to spiral downwards as it enters Venaficentia's atmosphere. As the ship continues downward into the lower atmosphere, Obscero painstakingly gets himself to a control panel on the wall and hits it, removing the cell walls and allowing the prisoners their powers back.

Domum: "What are you doing?!"

Obscero: "We're leaving this thing before it kills us. Good luck on the way down everyone!"

Obscero lets himself be flown to the back of the ship by the force of its fall, using his gavel to burst through the wall. Domum then lifts himself up and punches his way through the windshield before jumping out. The scene below the crashing ship is a desert wilderness with a large cavernous canyon through the center.

As soon as she was able to, Dani quickly changes into her human form becoming much more lively and animated. "This is going to be fun!" she laughs.

Alba takes wing and flies out the ship to attempt to grab it. “MY EXTRATERRESTRIAL FLIGHTS ARE TOO POWERFUL TO LET OUR LIVES END!” Alba is able to bring the ship's descent to a slow. “You may now thank me.”

“Fuck off, you waking thanksgiving dinner.” Dani says, getting a grumble from Alba in response.

"That reminded me of my brothers wedding." Argo casually says.

“Your brother has crummy weddings.” Alba replies from outside the ship.

"Was a supremium day. Tis the day my niece and nephew was conceived. I set the cake on fire, was awesome."

“That’s a whole other can of worms that we don’t have time for right now.”

"Can of Wyrms, such a tasty treat."

“Okay, this one has a few screws loose.” Dani remarks to Samhain.

"Why, thank you." Argo bows, believing the comment to have been said directly to him.

“You are not an Ectonurite.” Alba comments.

Samhain tries to fix the navigation systems. “I suggest SOMEONE deals with the enemy while I try to save our hides!” The fix stabilizes the ship's console but the holographic displays are all still out. Alba's slowing of the ship's descent plus this makes for a safer landing not far from the drop into the cavern below.

As for the other two, Obscero falls through the air and puts his gavel out to the side, allowing him to grab hold of the cliffside of the cavern, and then pull himself up.

Just before hitting the ground, Domum checkpoints himself to about a foot higher, allowing him to hit the ground safely. Though, he tumbles a bit, almost falling off the side of the cliff before checkpointing again back a ways. "...Dangatang."

Argo gets up and takes a moment. "What a fun day so far."

Samhain manages to land the ship as safely as he could considering it’s damaged. Alba jumps off the ship after it lands and lands himself near the outside of the exit.

“Seems pretty intact all things considered. Maybe we can use this as a base.” Samhain says.

Argo generates some healing stimulants in his syringe glove and injects himself with one syringe, healing any possible wounds. In actuality, it's just water, but he doesn't realize that. "Would any of y'all like a boost?"

“No thank you.” Alba responds.

Dani splats and reforms herself, looking around the damage.

"How bad is it?" Obscero asks

"Our ship's down bad, that attack got us slung around real good. Er. Real bad." Domum says while examining it "It ain't gonna have any lit lift off any time soon. We'll needa see about this places pull-up on the space farers when we finish the job.

"...I *really* don't want to have to purchase anything on this planet. It's nothing but stolen goods and illegal black market."

"Ah. I know a few things about illegal markets." Alba replies.

“I’m sure flying in their airspace wasn’t legal. So what the issue?" Dani asks.

"Flying in the airspace was *plenty* legal." Obscero snaps back "They just don't take lightly to authority figures showing up."

"We weren't too incognito or on the down low, if you're pickin up what I'm spittin down" Domum says.

"So what ya saying is we better get ready for a party." Argo deduces.

The sound of a ship passing over head echoes and shakes the scene. The ship, being the one that had attacked, flew by and off into the distance.

"I don't think they'll waste resources trying to pick us off on the ground. They'll likely wait for us to succumb to the elements. The desert has horrible sandstorms."

"What we're saying is, things are whack, fam."

"Well, at the very least, you and Beetleburger have eye protection." Alba comments "Not much else though."

"Oh, there's some other protection." Argo says teasingly.

“Ah well and good. But I’m going to start walking. No point standing here doing nothing. Eventually I’ll have to cross some form of shelter.” Dani says.

"Or ya could encounter a rogue swarm of Murder Bunnies." Argo says, then surveys his environment using his naturally epic perception to look for any stuffs that may be helpful.

“Or, you could all suck it up, put some effort in and make this wreck suitable to live in.” Samhain plainly states

Looking across the mostly barren wasteland, Argo can see a plateau in the distance, just barely peeking over the horizon. "I spy with my eye, a thing in the distance."

Alba asks “Do you want to tell us what it is?”

"Not particularly." Argo pauses. "Okay fine, it's a plateau, aka an area of fairly level high ground."

"High ground?" Obscero considers "...That may be useful. We might be able to see how far from civilization we are."

"Aren't you blind, homeslice?"

"My eyes may be blind, but not my sense of justice."

“I’ll go fly over and take a look.” Dani grows mud wings that soon turn to hawk wings. As soon as Dani goes to take flight with her fake wings, a strong gust of wind flows into the scene and takes her in the opposite direction, right towards the cliffside of the cavern. "...This is fine."

Argo loads his gun with a gravity bullet and shoots it at Dani to try and keep her from falling of the cliffside. The gravity bullet yeets Dani not only back towards the group, but in the direction of the plateau where she was originally intending to go anyway, at a faster speed than she would have done on her own.

"....Never underestimate the power of a gun. ONWARDS COMRADES!" Argo begins marching like a bitch toward the plateau.

Alba takes flights and follows. A clang is heard followed by a loud wooshing noise as Obscero grabs hold of Domum. Obscero's gavel opens up on one end and fires off a rocket blast that takes them towards the plateau.

".... Okay Thor." Argo loads his syringes with gravity stuff and attempts to do the same shit he did to Dani, by stabbing himself. This works decently well, but due to the unstable nature of injecting himself with gravity, it does have some... lingering effects.... I'm sure he'll be fine... I think... "..Love the smell of your organs shifting in the morning..." Argo hums, actually apparently enjoying it.

“Motherfucker shot me." Dani says when she reaches the plateau.

"Hey I took a shot, and it worked."

“You don’t have organs to churn, it’s fine.” Alba says.

"You get used to being shot after the first 50."

Samhain just stays behind, still trying to do a full inspection of the ship. Samhain's inspection yields that, aside from the broken windshield, hole in the back, and destroyed cannon on top, the shields and comms are damaged but salvageable. Rations are in the ship, but likely won't last after the crash ruined some of them. The ship isn't meant for comfort given its a prisoner transport ship, but it definitely could be used for a temporary shelter if the large holes are fixed.

"I suggest we try to salvage whatever we can." He turned to see they were all gone. "Amateurs. Guess I'll have to do this later." He jotted down the coordinates for the ship and flew off to find the others at the plateau. “So, mind telling me why we’re on this plateau again? Scouting for civilization I assume.”

"It might be our best bet" Obscero says while landing on the plateau. He concentrates for a minute "I'm detecting a huge amount of injustice and criminal scum to the east. Anyone see anything?"

"I see five cucks in my general area" Dani joked.

“I’m actually a different kind of waterfowl.” Alba says, not understanding.

“That’s not.... never mind."

Alba looks about, but his check yields not much, only just the remains of a small pathway across the desert to the east, which certainly won't make it through the next sandstorm through the area. Likely, this is a common course others chart to get to civilization. He gestures towards it to show the group. “I see a path there. I don’t see much else. I usually fly when scouting.”

Samhain floated and pondered his next move. “My secondary skin and otherworldly physiology should protect me from the harshness of this landscape...for awhile that is. I shall go try to find this settlement but *ONLY* if you beg me, birdbrain!”

"Peck."

"Is that bird for 'fuck'?"

"It most certainly is." Samhain chuckles.

Samhain intimidates Alba a bit, and the latter begins to pull on his beard, sweating. “Okay. I be-ah... I be-agh... I BE- *[honk honk]* I BEG YOU!”

“See, was that so hard?” He then turns to the direction Alba and Obscero pointed him in before flying away. “If I don’t come back within two hours, start worrying!”

Flying towards the pathway brings Samhain over to a cliffside, looking over the civilization below which is effectively made up of a bunch of pop up shops. Unfortunately, it is still quite a ways away, and it looks like a sandstorm might be brewing. “Hmmm, not worth our time.” He notices the sandstorm and retreats to warn everyone.

“It’s just a bunch of pop-up shops. Oh, also a sandstorm is kicking up so we may want to take cover!”

"Do they have any candy?" Argo calmly asks.

Samhain stays silent for a brief moment, flabbergasted by Argo’s stupidity. “D-did you not hear the part about the sandstorm?”

“It’s sand. What’s the worse that can happen? Cause the murder of younglings?” Dani asks.

"Can your eyes be damaged?" Alba asks.

“Well obviously! It’s sand!!!” Samhain yells, exasperated.

"The sandstorms of Venaficentia are incredibly dangerous." Obscero points out "I'd hate to admit a prisoner's right, but shelter for the time being isn't a terrible option. It never is *just* sand in those storms, after all..."

“Precisely. You all seem to think I’m just a common criminal incapable of complex thought...I’m highly offended!” Samhain then thinks for a moment. “The ship may not be flight worthy but it’s relatively intact otherwise.”

"That just makes me want to stay here just to see what is in the storms." Argo says incredibly nonchalantly.

Dani leans over to Samhain and whispers, “What the fuck is wrong with this guy?”

“How should I know?”

“If you two won’t take shelter, I’ll take you there myself.” Alba gestures at Dani and Argo.

“Don't touch me, you trash bird”

"NO TOUCHIE."

“Come on, we don’t have time to argue! You’ll thank us later!” Samhain says. “Would you rather the bird touch you-“ He then reveals his true form despite knowing the dangers. He was definitely one of the more grotesque of his species. “-Or ME!?” This doesn't go super well, as the true form is certainly terrifying, but the sun is quite damaging to him. He puts his secondary skin back on before he can get severely damaged. “Dammit, I can’t believe I risked my own hide just to save you psychos!”

"You obviously. You're beautiful ghost. He ugly bird."

“I said it’s just sand. I never said anything about staying out here”

"It's not *just* sand." Obscero repeats "The dangerous predators of this planet use those sandstorms as cover to ambush anyone unlucky enough to get stuck out here."

"What if.... Hear me out here... We go back to the ship and use it as a shelter?" Argo suggests, trying to act as if Samhain's idea was his own.

“I’VE BEEN SAYING THAT THIS WHOLE TIME!!!”

"Lies."

Alba takes that as a go ahead to carry Argo and Dani to the ship in his bill, prompting Dani to say "Get the fuck off me!" Alba is able to get Argo and Dani back to the ship, though with both in his bill, it's actually a bit difficult, and the landing is rough to say the least, especially with Dani struggling and jumping out of his bill to get to the ship herself. “I’m so going to need a shower.”

“You’re lucky the bird scooped you up!” Samhain glares at Obscero and Domum. “Are you two coming as well? I assume so but I’m not how sure how bright HE is.” He said, pointing at Domum.

"HEY!" Domum puts his hands to his hips "That wasn't very cash money of you, Samhain"

“‘Cash money’ what does that even mean!? You make no sense!” Samhain makes sure they weren’t being followed by anything, predators or natives, before following to the ship. Nothing seems to be out of place nearby, though that's definitely not a certainty.

Domum grabs Obscero's gavel as the latter charges up the rocket again "Let's go."

Back at the ship, Argo attempts to use ice bullets around the ship as extra reinforcement. Despite the heat of the desert sun, the ice is thick enough for it to not be of concern for the time being, especially with a storm brewing that will no doubt block out any of the sunlight that would otherwise impact the ice.

“Good idea, Beetleburger!” Samhain turns intangible and flies in right before the storm hits. “We should be safe...for now. I didn’t see we were being followed, but my eyesight was slightly impaired temporarily during my stunt to get those two on the ship when they wouldn’t go willingly. So I can’t be 100% sure.”

"I should be able to sense if any foolish ruffians are approaching with my justice sense, but I'm not gonna be good with any predatory species. Lower lifeforms have no sense of law and order."

"Not to worry, diggy dog. I can keep watch for any unsavory beasts."

“I’ll try to help with that once my eyesight comes back to me fully.”

The episode ends with the roaring sandstorm picking up outside the ice-covered ship.

## Major Events

* The main characters of the series debut.
* The characters crash onto Venaficentia in the desert, and take up refuge in the ship.
* A pathway to a nearby civilization is found.

## Characters

* Obscero Prohibere *(debut)*
* Domum Segmentum *(debut)*
* Argo Beetleburger *(debut)*
* Dani Fozzul *(debut)*
* Jez Alba *(debut)*
* Samhain Spectre Hallow *(debut)*

## Trivia

* This episode's session started on May 26, 2021, and ended on May 29, 2021, before being posted to the Wiki on the 30th.
* The episode's dialogue was all taken from the Discord server channel where the Campaign is played. This causes it to be done in Prose format rather than the Script format of other episodes on the wiki.

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