recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
A Little Piece of Heaven (GAM383)

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***A Little Piece of Heaven*** is the story about how the leftist legal system needs to accommodate the Biblical idea of Christian orphan slavery.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because, well, you came all this way.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you love the sensitive thoughtful portrayal of the intellectually disabled of the early nineties, but you miss the felonious hijinks of the films of the early nineteen-eighties, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: …Jussie Smollet. [We support Jussie—just do a better job.]
* Noah: …grammar Nazi. [Against the AAV of a kidnapped orphan.]
* Eli: …portrayal of an intellectually disabled person. [Yikes.]

### **Notes**

* Recorded live in New York City on 17 December 2022 from 7 to 10 PM at the Helen Mills Theater, and edited during the flight home to Georgia.
* The film originally premiered on NBC on 2 December 1991.

### **Jokes**

* [Heath: We switched out her lollipop for—] [Noah: laughter] [Heath: Let's see if she notices.] [Noah: Oh, Jesus Christ.] [Heath: It's a penis—I was talking about a penis.] [Noah: Kirk Cameron's to be exact.] [Heath: You son of a bitch.] Noah: And let's at least—let's at least recognize: he was—he was cute as fuck back then.] [Eli: Oh, yeah.] [Noah: Jesus, he was adorable.] [Heath: Kirk Cameron?] [Noah: Alright—yeah. Uh-huh. Whole fucking movie. Pisses me off.] [Heath: Giving *me* "Growing Pains."] [Audience: laughter] [Heath: Yes. It was "penis" again. Thank-you.]

### **Interstitials**

* *OJ, Can You See?* (9:12)
* TV's Kirk Cameron on Surprise Black (35:22)
* Heaven Pig Chores (1:10:10)
* Outtakes (1:49:30) [Post Credits]

### **Tropes**

* Cancer Mom
* Disappointing Christian Celebrity
* Indoctrination of Children
* Name That Movie
* RACISM!
* Reprehensible Moral Message

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Heath: Someone, some hero, went on to make a deepfake of that scene of Kirk Cameron dressed up as MLK, and they got eight bajillion Heath Points. It was Jussie Smollet.
* Noah: When they ate bacon from that Christmas pig, nobody made *A Little Piece of Heaven* joke, and that's kind of sad.
* Eli: Kirk Cameron went on to have a way sadder family, and a way dumber sister.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Film on YouTube
* IMDb

### **Ad Reads**

* Mint Mobile: Santa vs. Big Cellphone (1:51:06)
* Hello Fresh: [CODE:AWFUL18] Christmas Cooking Lovecraftian Horrors(1:52:55)
* Better Help: Creepy *Love Actually* Signs (1:54:27)
Can I Get a Witness Protection? (GAM215)

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

***Can I Get a Witness Protection?*** is the story of what happens when a Christian hack comedian turns the tight five he's been doing for thirty years into a feature length motion picture. Every single moment is a terrible, terrible bit from a summer camp talent show, except it's a *grownup*—it's all grownups and they all tried so goddamn hard. The movie should be called *Christian People Walk Like This, but Atheist People Walk Like This.*

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because we're pretty sure it counts as "time served" if we ever get convicted of anything.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you miss Eli being here so sex pervert up the place, but you hate how he's always including punchlines with his jokes, you will love this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Aaron: ...how many terrible schticks it packs into one movie.
* Noah: ...makeover.
* Heath: ...Kickstarter page.

### **Notes**

* Check out Aaron on *Embrace the Void* and *Philosophers in Space*.
* Filmed in December 2012 (16 days over 30 November–24 December), and then partially funded over a period of years on Indiegogo and Kickstarter.
* Should clearly have been named *Can I Get a Witness… Protection?*

### **Jokes**

* "What percentage of the movies ya'll watch use shitty framing devices to fill time? Because I feel like it's at least fifty percent of the ones I've been here for, and one of the other ones didn't even have a plot. It's basically every paper I read in undergrad in college—it's the wide margins of Christian cinema." (16:25)
* "Dark Universe Eli: no punchlines, but a lot of really wanting to murder-rape somebody. (19:38)
* "And again, every joke here it's like ramping up for the joke part and then they're like 'Naw, we're kidding—we're not going to go all the way to the joke.' \*slide whistle noise\*"(30:58)

### **Interstitials**

* The Elevator Pitch (11:40)
* All Atheist Tropes are True (1:15:13)

### **Tropes**

* Sentenced to Christianity
* Atheist Converts to Christianity
* Make Me a Sammich!
* The Most Advanced C64 Ever! [VHS/Cassette Tape]
* Vaguely Heard of Jesus
* RACISM!
* SEXISM!
* Magical Black Person
* Women Shouldn't Touch Money
* Atheist in the ~~Writer's Room~~ Cast

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Trailer on YouTube
* IMDB
God's Club (GAM056)

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***God's Club*** is the story of a public school science teacher and his daughter trying to spread the Christian gospel, and also finally expose the conspiracy of "medicine taking." But, uh, things get tricky when they find out that their small town in Vermont is also home to a sleeper cell of teenage atheist terrorists mafia members—something everyone can relate to.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because now that's all Netflix will show me.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you love those feel-good movies about, like, the black family that moves into the white neighborhood, and that neighborhood needs to learn to accept them, but you thought to yourself "Fuck, why isn't this about one of the largest majorities in the world?" and *also* you're a Scientologist who wants to kill the mentally ill with bad advice, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: …best-worst people who like this movie also liked. [Just movies on GAM.]
* Eli: …most direct message intended to kill your audience. [Medicine is bad.]
* Eli: …knowing least how the universe works. [Jesus who?]

### **Notes**

* Stephen Baldwin talks about making the movie here, and the sign behind him really says a lot about the movie.

### **Jokes**

* [Eli: And this is where she goes "Mom always used to go to the Bible", and I wanted her

so badly—she brings over the Bible, and they do the like, "random flip, find exactly the right phrase" thing from Christians movies—] [Noah: Right, uh-huh.] [Eli: But I wanted her to open it and for it to be cut out, and there was just a giant black dildo in there.] [laughter] [Eli: They both just stare at it for a minute, while Stephens like, "Oh, that's why. I thought she buzzed when she read. That makes sense now. That makes sense."]

### **Interstitials**

* Bible Instead of Pacemaker (5:21)
* "We All Did, Especially the Jews" (1:07:02)

### **Tropes**

* Bad Christian Spacework
* Boss in a Bit Part [Director Jared Cohn]
* Christians Don't Know How the World Words
* Conspicuous American Flag
* Disappointing Christian Celebrity
* Kitchen Table
* Persecuted Christians
* Take Your Damn Medicine!
* Vaguely Heard of Jesus

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Heath: Netflix got sued when investigators found out that The Masked Saint and this movie were the last two things watched by Chris Benoit.
* Noah: Victor was sentenced to death for the Boston Marathon bombing.
* Eli: The people in that room never stopped clapping—they just clapped and clapped until they starved to death. Take your fucking medication.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Trailer on YouTube
* IMDb
Princess Cut (GAM368)

Noah Lugeons

Eli Bosnick

***Princess Cut*** is an extremely *bizarre movie* about… it's like, propaganda about the dangers of kissing and hugging before marriage. You know, your dad is always going to be involved in your romantic relationships, you should never kiss anyone really (even after you're married), and women shouldn't go to college, and they should marry older men that their dads choose from them. That's the main—the overarching theme is that the dad chooses the daughter's husband for her, and she must absolutely be a virgin when she gets married.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, or you mother-fuckers would *riot*.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you love the family dynamics of incest porn, but you want the plotting of a page-by-page childrens book, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Amy: …symbolism and pacing. [Wild horses and a whip?]
* Noah: …evil psychiatrist. [See the jokes section.]
* Eli: …villain resolution. [Literally escorted out politely.]

### **Notes**

* Check out Amy on *The Good Fight*, *Monsterland*, *FBI: Most Wanted*, HBO's *I Know This Much Is True*, *Madam Secretary*, *House of Cards*, and *Shades of Blue*; or as co-founder of *Acting (Actually)*.
* There are *two* sequels to *Princess Cut*: *Princess Cut 2: Hearts on Fire* (2020), and *Princess Cut 3: Beauty from Ashes* (2021). And the German title for the film, which translates as "Looking for Mr. Right", makes a lot more sense.

### **Jokes**

* [Heath: And then, Doctor Ruth is just like "What you need is some *dick*. What you're going to need is some long, hard, thrusting penis."] [Eli: Yeah! "Seems like you need some cock to me. Seems like you want some cock and you don't have any cock. Have you considered some fucking cock?" She's just eating a sloppy meatball sub while she says it. "Sounds like you need to get fucked. You know there's no God, right? The lights just—they just turn right off when we die. Nothin' but the dark.] [laughter]

### **Interstitials**

* First Writer's Room Meeting (7:18)
* Placing an Ad for My Sister (44:48)
* Time to Bat the Bishop for Jesus (1:20:00)
* Talking to Morgan/Outtakes (1:54:26) [Post Credits]

### **Tropes**

* Name That Movie!
* Fails the Bechdel Test
* Make Me a Sandwich
* SEXISM!

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Noah: Grace and Clint went on to have awkward and deeply unsatisfying sex.
* Eli: Brook and Jarod went on to have that good good psycho sex, be and also break up a bunch in public.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Film on YouTube
* IMDb

### **Ad Reads**

* Better Help: Have You Tried Yelling at the Soundboard? (1:57:27)
* Hello Fresh: [CODE:AWFUL16] The Unsleeping One (1:59:04)
* Mint Mobile: You're a Lady Person so I'll Be Condescending and Unhelpful (2:01:41)
Dying to be Heard (GAM362)

### Starring:

Alyse Nicole Merritt, Jeffery Scallon, H. Samuel Santiago, Dr. D. Michael, Gary T. Nolan

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Eli Bosnick

### Special Guest

Anna Bosnick

***Dying to be Heard*** is the story of *the* Holocaust, but not *that* Holocaust. It's the Holocaust that's happening right *now*. Right under your noses.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, or the ancient one will awaken.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you love workplace sexual harassment videos, but you wish they were put on by an orthodox temple of Jews for Jesus, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Anna: …music video montages. [This could be a God Awful Music.]
* Noah: …pointless flashback. [The opposite of Inception.]
* Eli: …source of oppression. [Watch and see.]

### **Notes**

* Check out Anna's website and her album *The Ring* on CD Baby, Google Play, iTunes and the various streaming platforms. Also, follow Margaery Tyrell Bosnick on Instagram at @madgethepug.

### **Jokes**

* [Noah: She goes over to Duncan, the homeless guy, right? And this time she's kind to him because Jesus—she still doesn't give him any money, but she's kind to him.] [Eli: No she—she gives him like sixty cents.] [Noah: Oh, that's right. No, that's right, you're right. She gives him a little bit of change.] [Anna: Yeah. Yeah. If that's not a change of ways I don't know what. "Here, this was gonna go into my parking meter. It's yours now."] [Noah: "I'm gonna park there for eight minutes less now. For you, Duncan."] [Eli: "You lucky so-and-so. You really are blessed by God."]

### **Interstitials**

* Christians Cosplaying in Yamukas (4:10)
* God Avoiding the Jews for Jesus (32:45)
* Crisis Medical Center (1:03:38)
* Not to Grow Old Stupid/Outtakes (1:37:07)

### **Tropes**

* Heroes are Villains, Villains are Heroes
* SEXISM!
* Reprehensible Moral Message

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Anna: Anna went on to add a bunch of Jews for Jesus songs to her *God Awful Music* playlist.
* Noah: Rachel went on to abort the next one.
* Eli: Four years later, Rachel got into an argument at the PTA meeting with that woman Kathy. You remember her, right? She was at Rachel's birthday party. Well, they didn't get along… [trailing off]

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Film on YouTube
* IMDb

### **Ad Reads**

* Master Class: Eli Sucks Out Anna's Talent (1:37:43)
* Better Help: Is This a Sex Thing? (1:38:55)
* Hello Fresh: [CODE: AWFUL16] Husband Who Tries Syndrome (1:40:11)
A Wrestling Christmas Miracle (GAM384)

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***A Wrestling Christmas Miracle*** is the story of ChatGPT having a stroke and then writing a movie?

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because we've built up too much momentum to jump off that train now.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you love Ken del Vecchio's other films, but you want to see that *humorous* side that has slayed everyone who was ever about to get a parking ticket from him, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: …I have no idea what happened. [In the movie, or the movie in the movie.]
* Noah: …cinematic recycling. [Celebrities from an entirely different movie.]
* Eli: …best best trivia. ["Robert Z'dar was originally cast but he had to leave the production when his pet mini horse was attacked by 3 pit bulls."]

### **Notes**

* This episode was released to Patrons on 22 December 2022 (a Thursday), extra early in lieu of a monthly secular bonus episode.
* As mentioned in the film, this is supposedly a sequel to *A Karate Christmas Miracle* (GAM332).

### **Jokes**

* [Heath: What? Stop.] [Eli: And then *everyone* else in the scene pulls out a giant, very real, gun.] [Noah: Yes!] [laughter] [Heath: All of them are Michael Scarn at the exact same time.] [Noah: Yes.] [Eli: I can't think of a room of people I want to have guns less… than—] [Noah: Yeah, no shit.] [Heath: I want them all to have guns, together, in a room. I'm fine with *that*.] [Noah: Well, it's…] [Eli: But no leaving the room! The room is where you have—] [Heath: Yeah, you are—you're in the room forever now.]

### **Interstitials**

* We Can All Be the Comic Relief (6:06)
* Dad, Stop Making Movies About My Interests (35:33)
* Eli is NOT Ken Del Vecchio (58:21)
* An Episode on Shrooms/Outtakes. (1:23:36) [Post Credits]

### **Tropes**

* Boss in a Bit Part
* Disappointing Christian Celebrity
* Name That Movie!
* Nothing Happens
* The Eli Bosnick Story

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Heath: After watching this movie, Heath no longer has object permanence, and now— … What?
* Noah: Despite a movie's worth of objection, nobody believes that Ken Del Vecchio was just wrestling that elephant.
* Eli: Eli's very different from Ken Del Vecchio. Very.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Film on Tubi
* IMDb

### **Ad Reads**

* FitBod: Approach the Level of Ken Del Vecchio (1:27:17) [ft. Carl the Pugapegacorn]
ThanksKilling (GAM Bonus 007)

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enright

Eli Bosnick

***ThanksKilling*** is the classic Thanksgiving story of Native American *prima nocta* victims, reanimated homicidal turkeys, and six year old girls who fuck up their routine at the beauty pageant and deserve whatever they get–complete with some amazing bird puns.

### **Opening Phrase:**

Where each month we sample another selection from secular cinema, because making fun of god is too easy and we've got to sharpen our skills once and awhile.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you love Joe Rogan, and you hate in-focus cameras, you will *love* this movie. This movie is one turkey short of being called *The Triggering*. This movie is what happens when high school bullies steal a camera and get high watching *Southpark*.

### **Best at Being the Worst**

* Heath: forgetting to cut those last few seconds at the end of the scene.
* Eli: not understanding what you're failing at.
* Noah: boobs.

### **Notes**

* Heath still doesn't know where Soho is.

### **Interstitials**

* "I did it on purpose! Guh!" (8:44)
* Don't Try to be Bad on Purpose. (1:03:17)

### **Links**

* Episode on Patreon
* Film on YouTube
* IMDB
In Gramps' Shoes (GAM353)

### Starring:

Donald James Parker, Francine Locke, Andrew Wilson Williams, Jeff Rose, Brittany Blades

### Production Company:

Rosetti Productions, Sword of the Spirit Publishing

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

### Special Guest

Drew McCoy

***In Gramps' Shoes*** is the story of how a born-again grandpa reunites with his family, and makes them love Jesus with his amazing little arguments and by showing off his amazing long-distance running skills. It's *Chariots of Liar*.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because we're shockingly unqualified for useful stuff.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if it's *very obvious* that you haven't spoken to your daughter or grandchildren in twenty years, and you'd like to live out the fantasy of proving to them how right and awesome you are, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: …censor blur. [Random background rectangle.]
* Noah: …death. [Oscar worthy.]
* Drew: …musical score by cicadas. [Move over Hans Zimmer.]
* Drew: …orgasm announcement. [Crossing the finish line.]
* Eli: …fantasy. [Reconnecting with his daughter… for money.]

### **Notes**

* Check out Drew, the Genetically Modified Skeptic, on YouTube, Twitter, and [Facebook].
* The movie premiered in 2013, before being released on DVD in 2014.

### **Interstitials**

* Maytreon: Classy/Begging (7:36)
* Donald James Parker Writing Teenage Rebellion (39:42)
* Donald James Parker Teacher Eli to Drive (1:17:20)
* Meeting DJP (1:50:35) [Post Credits]

### **Tropes**

* Boss in a Bit Part
* The Heath Enwright Story

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Heath: The brand-new running shoes on the mantle are *full* of pus and blood from blisters of using new shoes in a track meet.
* Noah: Donald James Parker went on to learn how transphobic J. K. Rowling was, and now he's conflicted.
* Eli: Stay tuned for Donald James Parker's newest movie, *The Podcaster Who Made Fun of My Movie, and Got Eaten by Bears, and Were Super Sorry, Because I Totally Would Have Taught Them to Beat Box*.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* [Episode on YouTube]
* Episode on Patreon
* Film on YouTube
* IMDb

### **Ad Reads**

* Backbone: Gaming with Eli and Drewcifur (1:51:40)
* Trade Coffee: Eli Whips Stale Coffee (1:53:43)
* Better Help: Guessing What Drew is Short For (1:55:24)]
M 10.28 (GAM107)

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***M 10.28*** is an hour long D.A.R.E. video from middle school, but with heaven and hell built in. It's *Damnation Abuse Resistance Education: The Movie*.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because if you suffer enough, J.J. Watt will raise ten million bucks for you.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you loved *Saw*, but you wish Hobby Lobby had done all of the special effects, you will *love* this movie. It's *Saw 3:16*.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: ...depiction of hell.
* Eli: ...title.
* Noah: ...score on the Bechdel Test.

### **Notes**

* M 10.28 turned out to stand for Mathew 10:28, "And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell." (KJV)

### **Jokes**

* "Let's deal with that up front—I don't want to just catch people off guard in the c-segment of this with 'Oh, and now we're in Hell—so, right up front: this movie is about ninety percent after-school special, and ten percent cheap horror movie, 'cause towards the end the main character goes to Hell for all her sinful ways. And honestly, I would have been no less surprised by a big Bollywood dance number at that point in the film." (3:02)
* "By the way, that's all we get of Hell—I hope we painted a picture for you, because we're done with it now—because at that point she gets shocked back to life, and she's in the ambulance again. She comes back to life, and she screams really loud, right? Cause she was in Hell. But instead the doctors are like, 'Huh, why would a dying girl scream? Weird.' It seems like the right time to scream. " (1:05:58)

### **Interstitials**

* Heath goes to Hell. (7:10)
* Heath still in Hell (52:56)

### **Tropes**

* Alcohol=Bad Guy
* Child Visits [Hell]
* Crazy Billionaire Money
* Dollar in the Swear Jar
* Deathbed Conversion
* Neglectful/Godless /Abusive Parent
* RACISM!
* SEXISM!

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Film on YouTube
* IMDB
Rocky V (GAM213)

### Starring:

Sylvester Stallone, Talia Shire, Burt Young, Sage Moonblood Stallone, Tommy Morrison, Burgess Meredith

## Hosts

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

### Special Guest

Andrew Torrez

***Rocky V*** is *Rocky 5: The Search for More Money*. Sylvester Stallone had signed a six movie contract, and he did *Cobra*, and *Kickpushers*, and *Punchfighter* or whatever it was, and he was just *short* a movie. And they were like, "How about Rocky V?" and he was like, "But, the whole movie's over—there's nothing to do any movies about anymore", and they were like, "C'mon! You owe us a movie! We gave you the money, you have to do a movie." So he wrote *Rocky V*, and the first draft he wrote (at least according to the trivia on IMDB) is the darkest grimdark telling of the Rocky story: he loses his first bout, and then he just gets sicker and sicker, and the movie ended with him dying. Then, he went on vacation, a scriptwriter did all of the cocaine in Philadelphia, and this was the script that was waiting for him two days before shooting.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we watch another terrible movie so you don't have to.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you love Rocky, you will *hate* this movie; but, if you love to hate movies, you'll fucking love it. If Sly could write as well as he speaks, he would write *Rocky V*. And he can, and he did.

### **Best Worst**

* Andrew: ...fake newspapers.
* Heath: ...wildly depressing cast.
* Eli: ...sequel.

### **Notes**

* Check out Andrew on *Opening Arguments*.
* This one-hundred percent counts as a Christian movie, and isn't just what happens when Noah is away. Stop yelling, Noah.

### **Jokes**

* "I loved when I was as good as all the rappers, but I think the time has come for us to look back with clear eyes and open hearts." (38:05)

### **Interstitials**

* The Importance of Dying Young (10:10)
* Welcome to Phil's House of Financial Mismanagement (1:02:35)

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Film on YouTube (Paid)
* IMDB
!Hero: The Rock Opera (GAM344)

Noah Lugeons

Eli Bosnick

***!Hero: The Rock Opera*** is the home video of a stage show about the story of Jesus set in modern day.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, or the pillars of the universe will collapse.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you love musicals… nope, you will not like this movie. Sorry.

### **Best Worst**

* Cara: …racist attempt at anti-racism. [Jesus is black, but they lynch him.]
* Noah: …random projected image. [Black and white Olympics? NASA images?]
* Eli: …unnecessary Jews. [The only ones without modern day costumes]

### **Notes**

* Check out Cara on her website, Twitter, *Talk Nerdy*, *The Skeptic's Guide to the Universe*, *Fixed That for You*, and (thanks to Eli) iLoveSkinBooks.com.
* Initially released as an album on 2 September 2003, followed by a tour of the show itself, footage of which served as the basis of the DVD release. Also released was a *Hero* novel and graphic novel by Stephen and Ross Lawhead.

### **Interstitials**

* First Ever Writer's Meeting (5:53)
* The Apostle Peter Reacts Appropriately (36:14)
* Just a Butt Cheek Pervert (59:24)
* This is Why Marsh Talks Shit About You (1:30:02) [Post Credits]

### **Tropes**

* Christians Don't Know How the World Works
* RACISM!
* This is YOUR Movie

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Cara: The cast did the whole thing all over again the next day, and this time, Judas brought a real gun.
* Noah: The male leads of this show went to see their kids every other weekend.
* Eli: In *!Hero'*s defence, the Jews continued to dress like that for two thousand more years.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on Patreon
* Film on YouTube
* IMDb

### **Ad Reads**

* Truebill: Cara Should Always Check Her Trunk for Stowaways (1:34:15)
* Mint Mobile: Cellphone Contract Indentured Servitude Clause(1:36:00)
* Better Help: They Don't Wrap You in a Straightjacket and Shock Your Brain? (1:37:44)
Let There Be Light (GAM115)

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***Let There Be Light*** is the story of what happens when a terrible actor (employed entirely for his body) gets old, panics, and is forced to find Christianity in order to continue working, at which point he and his wife (who had pretty much the exact same personal crisis) decide to write, direct, and star in a movie together.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because we knew eventually we would find one like we found this week.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you love *God's Not Dead*, but you hated all of the excellent writing, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: …understanding how the atheist world-rankings work. [We have them, obviously, but not like that.]
* Noah: …understanding of how photons work. [Flashlights are visible from space, apparently.]
* Eli: …understanding of how cancer works. [“Doc, did I give my son cancer?"]

### **Notes**

* This was rhe first GAM film watched together in-theater by Noah, Heath, and Eli. It had a companion app from RedFinch solutions, which was essentially a countdown to when you were supposed to shine your phone's camera light at the sky.

### **Interstitials**

* *What If You're Wrong?* (9:53)
* Fake Doctor (1:00:57)
* "Every second I'm not talking about this movie is the worst second of my life." (1:49:0814) [Post Credits]

### **Tropes**

* Alcohol = Bad Guy
* Angry Yelling At God
* Atheist Converts to Christianity
* Awkward Kiss
* ~~Bible Reading~~ Terrorism Montage
* Boss in a Bit Part
* Christians Don't Know How the World Works
* Cancer Wife/God Killed My Mom/Evil Stole My Faith
* Deathbed Conversion
* Deathbed Proselytising
* Disappointing Christian Celebrity
* Indoctrination of Children
* Jingly Keys!
* Kitchen Table
* Name That Movie!
* Neglectful/Godless /Abusive Parent
* Success Is Bad
* Who's That Girl?

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Heath: Donald Trump fired the Joint Chiefs when they refused to try out his flashlight idea in Syria.
* Noah: NASA told Sam Sorbo they were *already* planning on taking pictures of Earth that day.
* Eli: The cancer virus that began in Kevin Sorbo's son spread across ninety-eight percent of the world's population. Those who survived follow the voice of The Woman, or the voice of the Walking Dude—the choice is theirs to make.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Film on YouTube
* IMDb
Robot Monster (GAM385)

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***Robot Monster*** is a poignant love story about a robot space-gorilla, and a Nazi scientist, and the Nazi-scientist's best friend, and his stepdaughter, and his stepson. It was confusing to Heath, but also not confusing to Heath.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, except when we don't.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you love the creature features of the 1950s, but you *never really* appreciated the subtlety of *The Thing that Rose from the Dark* and  *The Skin Eaters*, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: best best sexual circuitry repair. [The pottery scene from *Ghost* with wires and a soldering iron.]
* Noah: …costume. [Apparently the actor had the gorilla part on hand.]
* Eli: …sexual offering replacement. [Child son for a teenage daughter.]

### **Notes**

* *Robot Monster* actually *was* filmed in 3-D, as well as in stereo, hence the poster declaring it to be in "True-Stereo 3Dimension."
* A successful campaign on *Kickstarter* in 2021 funded a 4K 3-D restoration, expected to be released in 2023.

### **Jokes**

* [So, this writer really flexes here: he—his line is "At what point do 'must' and 'cannot' meet?" That's him getting *fancy*.] [Eli: "How do you calculate that?" I wrote in my notes, "Heath's version of a love poem."] [Heath: Okay. I mean, it's pretty easy; you just f(x)=g(x), if you like, if could graph those two things and find the intersection points—] [Noah: It's one of the easiest possible graphs.] [Eli: I don't know if you're referring to a love poem or how to calculate on a graph, so…] [Heath: By setting those equations—by setting those functions equal to each other, and finding the intersection points. That *is* romantic. It's a weird comment you made.]

### **Interstitials**

* Costume Discussion (5:41)
* Ro-Man is Desirous of Heath Enwright (32:35)
* You're a Super-Strong Robot Monster: Just Kill Them (58:17)
* Outtakes (1:28:25) [Post Credits]

### **Tropes**

* SEXISM!
* World Without Black People

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Heath: …Heath went on to spend way too long thinking about which dinosaur would be the most tender kind lover.
* Noah: Noah already knew it was the Ankylosaur (they have the longest tongues).
* Eli: Johnny tried not to think too hard about why his dream involved a monster raping his older sister.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Film on YouTube
* Film in 3-D on YouTube
* IMDb

### **Ad Reads**

* Hello Fresh: [CODE:AWFUL21] New Year's Resolution (1:29:06)
* Raycon: Locking Eli in the Hobgoblin Vault (1:31:20)
* Rocket Money: Old Guy Coughs Quarterly and Dusty Old Video Games Magazine (1:32:49)
One Church (GAM379)

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***One Church*** is a cautionary tale about a country being dominated by one single religion, and how to solve that with evangelical Christianity. [Deduced by Heath before even watching the movie.]

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because it *soothes* the Balrog.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you enjoyed the last five-hundred years of Christianity making *everyone* drink the exact same Kool-Ade, you'll love this cautionary tale about making sure you have the right flavor.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: ...inexplicable enormous beautiful man. [Completely unacknowledged.]
* Noah: …interrupting. [So early in the sentence.]
* Eli: …montages. [Eleven.]

### **Notes**

* The film was re-released by Tri-Rahn Pictures (director Bill Rahn) in 2020, as the earlier 2015 release by JC Films (which doesn't list the movie on its website) was supposedly "a rough cut, never intended for final review" because the final editing hadn't been paid for. So, there might actually be a worse version than what the PiaT crew watched.
* The MCU movies never referenced *Agents of SHIELD* or any of the other Marvel shows, until they started on Disney+ with *WandaVision* (and other than *Doctor Strange: Multiverse of Madness*, they haven't referenced the Disney+ shows much yet either).

### **Jokes**

* [Eli: This actor who plays Jake, he's a good looking dude, but whether or not you're good looking or not, sometimes God just decides "no beard on your cheeks!" And that is what they have decided for Jake. He looks… he looks like if the *127 Hours* guy hadn't bothered sawed his arms off and was just stuck there. He was like "I *like* it under this rock."] [Heath: He looks like an insurrectionist on a castaway island, where there's nobody and no government.] [Eli: He should be crying in a cage at CPAC.]

### **Interstitials**

* Yet Another Writers' Room Meeting (6:45)
* The Solution is Atheism (41:32)
* Learning Spanish from the Bible (1:14:31)
* "Almost Custom" (1:53:26) [Raycon Ad Commentary]

### **Tropes**

* And Then the Apocalypse/Rapture [Doesn't] Happen
* Angry Yelling at God
* Bad Audio Mixing
* Bad Sportsing
* Fails the Bechdel Test
* Flashback to Shit We Just Watched
* Giving Someone a Book/Reading Montage
* Heroes are Villains, Villains are Heroes
* Looks Like…
* Magical Black Person
* Minority Best Friend
* RACISM!
* The Most Advanced C64 Ever!
* This is YOUR Movie!

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Heath: The president of the United States went on to make Mexico pay for that wall of separation… of church and state.
* Noah: Tanya went on to start her *own* global anti-church, with blackjack and hookers.
* Eli: Whatever happened to that Adam guy, or that village in Mexico? I feel like that all had to come back, right? No?

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Film on YouTube
* IMDb

### **Ad Reads**

* Raycon: [CODE: EARLYBF] Mad Max Christmas Shopping (1:51:30)
* Rocket Money: Eli is Not Great with Money (1:53:49)
JeruZalem (GAM375)

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

***JeruZalem*** is a zombie apocalypse movie about zombies and the literal Apocalypse. And it's made by religious people trying to do that hippy-dippy message of "all the religions are really the same, if you think about it"—which is true, except they're the same and wrong, not the same and correct about leather-winged demon-zombies on Yom Kippur.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, so the Apocalypse will include some good news for us.

### **How Bad Was It?**

I… I don't know. I watched this movie twice, and I'm still not sure what the hell I watched. I don't know what happened, I don't know what the plot was, I don't know what the point was, I don't know how this was a "God Awful Movie" except that I can assure you that it is, indeed, god awful.

### **Best Worst**

* Andrew: …you left the air raid siren on. [Continuously after a certain point.]
* Noah: …girl talk. [Written by two guys about two girls not passing the Bechdel test.]
* Heath: …best-best awkward smart-technology. [We need a super cut of Eli's glasses chiming in on the records.]

### **Notes**

* Check out Andrew on *Opening Arguments* and *Cleanup on Aisle 45*.
* A sequel to the film, stylized as *Jeru2alem* on posters, was due out in 2019 and is now scheduled for 2023. It's apparently set ten years later, about entirely different people, and not found footage.

### **Interstitials**

* Movie Planning Meeting (5:10)
* Bathroom Stall Blowjob with Siri (35:15)
* MAGA Tourists in JeruZalem (1:02:24)
* Who Should be Sucking Who's Dick?/Answering Machine Messages/Greatest American Hero/Let's See That Penis (1:32:27) [Post Credits]

### **Tropes**

* And then Apocalypse Happens
* Fails the Bechdel Test
* Coincidence Treated like a Miracle
* Disappointing Celebrity
* GO FUCK YOURSELF!
* Jingly Keys!
* Minority Best Friend

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Andrew: Kevin went the rest of his life and never, ever, ever had a girl willing to go down on him in a men's room again.
* Noah: Everyone else in this movie died, so it's really hard to do a follow-up.
* Heath: The giant flocks of rabid zombie-demons—it was a little chaotic, but the political tension in the region really settled down nicely.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Film on YouTube
* IMDb

### **Ad Reads**

* Raycon: Not Listening to Podcasts on Speaker in a Public Elevator (1:35:52)
* Better Help: Former Mental Healthcare Skeptic, Heath Enwright (1:37:56)
Passage to Zarahemla (GAM112)

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***The Passage to Zarahemla*** is the story of a primitive tribe of religious people with antiquated values from thousands of years ago blaming all its problems on Mexicans. Basically, *GOP: The Movie*.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we watch another selection from Christian cinema, because otherwise Eli would just be out wandering the streets, and nobody wants that.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you love the Disney Channel but you hate Pocahontas, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: ...very light slapping.
* Mark: ...surprise racism.
* Dan: …completely horrifying and utterly unintentional sexual tension.
* Eli: ...playing of a musical instrument.

### **Notes**

* Check out Mark and Dan on *The How-To Heretic* and *Thank God I'm Atheist!*
* Recorded live at The State Room in Salt Lake City, Utah on 1 October 2017 (at 8 PM).

### **Jokes**

* "We are Mormons now! Yeah! We're not gay, how bad could it be? How many sons do you need? You need to kick one out of the house, just make another one! \*audience groans\* Oo, too real, alright. I found you—I found you in your hearts. They didn't deserve *you*. (6:30)
* "That social worker got hung up on and he was like, 'That's the last time, Gerald.' \*silence\* I just shot myself in pantomime, everyone at home—I did it under the chin because I *meant it*, but we are *not* recommending you shoot yourself under the chin. This is a *joke*… and if I weren't joking I would tell you that you always want to point it up towards the base of your brain 'cause that's what control the most—I'm just saying don't ruin your dad's weekend. People gotta roll you around to baseball games and pretend you think things from now on. \*audience groans\* I'm finding you: by the end of the night… I'll have a joke that lost all of you." (44:30)
* Lucinda Impression (1:12:22)

### **Interstitials**

* The Dormant Mormon Hotel (8:54)
* "I just saw you walking into these woods alone, and thought you could use a bit of a scare." (1:06:08)
* Noah Told a Toddler to Fuck Himself (2:01:15)

### **Tropes**

* Boss in a Bit Part [Chris Heimerdinger gets shot with an arrow at the beginning]
* Crazy Billionaire Money
* [Mormons] Don't Know How the World Works
* RACISM!
* World Without Black People

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Heath: Joseph Smith was a fucking lunatic.
* Noah: The hispanics in this movie rejected their criminal ways and eventually became white and delightsome.
* Eli: Kira, if you're in the audience… call me.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Film on YouTube
* IMDB

### **Ad Reads**

* ZipRecruiter: Finding Someone to Proofread Eli's Shownotes (1:56:18)
* Away: [CODE: AWFUL] PiaT Luggage(1:58:15)
Registered

Dominion Registration is the process by which an Unreg may become a Dominion Citizen. A Registered Citizen is afforded all the benefits of Citizenship, including a Life Credit account, the ability to apply for employment with the Dominion Corporation, and general favor in all aspects of life within Dominion City.
Eat the Sun (GAM346)

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***Eat the Sun*** is a "documentary" about how you can live entirely without food, and you can achieve peak health, by the tried and trusted medium of retinal scorching.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because somebody had dibs on all of the good stuff.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you love the absolute batshit claims that make you never want to attend a meditation class again, but you've been trying to slowly drive Marsh insane with crazier and crazier documentaries over the past year and a half, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Marsh: …movie name. [Possibly the silliest three word phrase.]
* Noah: …actually doing the thing you claim to do. [So much squinting and crying.]
* Eli: …excuse. [One of the four funniest things on GAM.]

=== **Notes** ===

* Check out Marsh on Twitter, *Be Reasonable*, *Skeptics with a K*, *The Skeptic* (UK), and at The Good Thinking Society, or (thanks to Eli) Skeptic of the Year and MarshStoleHisVaccineFromAnOldLady.com.

* Hira Ratan Manek (HRM) died on 12 March 2022 in Kozhikode, India, at the age of eight-five. He apparently gave up "solar healing" at eighty, which was obviously a huge mistake.

### **Jokes**

* [Marsh: The doctor's like, "You have a massive burn on your eye" and Mason says "Is there any chance that that was… already there?" No, no there's not, Mason.] [Eli: Imagine that guy's day. Imag—you're an ophthalmologist, you spend your whole fucking life being like "Here's some glasses, here's some surgery. Oh, you're Tim? It sucks to be you." And then this asshole walks in, and he's like, "So what do you think that burn in the back of my eyes is from?" And you're not allowed to punch him in the balls.]

### **Interstitials**

* Exploiting Mental Illness for a Documentary Subject (5:27)
* Solving Card Trick with an MRI (35:35)
* NetBreaker: Who's Actually Sending You Messages Online (1:02:24)
* I'm Just Too Busy to Speak Italian to You Right Now/Outtakes (1:27:09) [Post Credits]

### **Tropes**

* ~~Atheist~~ Skeptical Writer in the Room
* ~~Christians~~ Woonatics Don't Know How the World Works
* Heroes are Villains, Villains are Heroes
* Indoctrination of Children
* Kitchen Table
* Take Your Damn Medicine

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Marsh: Mason realized that all that "eat the sun" stuff was just silly, and now he spends all of his time trying to sniff the moon.
* Noah: This film would go on to inspire the far more entertaining sequel, *Butt Chugging the Sun*.
* Eli: Mason's dad is just trying to eat his dinner, man. He's just… so tired.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Trailer on YouTube
* IMDb

### **Ad Reads**

* Better Help: Oh Boy, That Sketch Sure Was Fun (1:28:07)
* MasterClass: Who Guys, That Was a Scary Monster! (1:29:10)
* Quip: Eli Won't Stop Brushing for Rewards (1:30:41)
Heaven Bound (GAM091)

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***Heaven Bound*** is the story of a husband and wife who become burglars, and a wealthy Christian man who they target for a heist, and all three of these people learn a valuable lesson about the meaning of life from a charming food-enthusiast ninja.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because Rod Rosenstein hasn't opined on our job performance yet.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you love wacky caper comedies, but you miss the serious commentary on the ravages of Alzheimers, and you think animal abuse is funny, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: …best best mini episode of *God Awful Movies* within the movie. [They watch a Kirk Cameron movie.]
* Eli: …pizza delivery service. [Needs its own movie.]

### **Notes**

* This film was [apparently] shot in 2015 from 16 March to 4 April 2015, and is a rare Christian comedy where the jokes occasionally land.
* When asked by Noah what they should start reviewing if Christian movies started getting good, Eli answered "The Fast & the Furious movies"... which they eventually did.
* *Citation Needed* premiered the day after this episode aired.

### **Jokes**

* [Eli: "Maybe you could talk to Doc. He could give you some tips on being a *real* man." I wanted so—] [Noah: And he goes "What is that supposed to mean?" I'm like, "Yeah, what *is* that supposed to mean?"] [Heath: That means *fucking contest*. Only way to solve this.] [Eli: Absolutely fucking contest. I just *so* wanted a flash cut to "Oooh, okay. That's why they say it's 'a man in a boat.' He's at the front of the boat. I was just like 'What the fuck? What does that even mean?' It's a bad metaphor. Now clean this mango and I'll let you go."]

### **Interstitials**

* God Awful Movies Live: It's Better Than Drugs (5:28)
* Heath = This Movie's "Moochy" (6:48)
* Honesty Pizza (1:15:21)

### **Tropes**

* Bad Christian Space Work
* Disappointing Christian Celebrity
* Kitchen Table
* Looks Like
* Pyune, Pune, Pun!

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Heath: The guy from the elevator is working on a reality show called *18 Puppies and Counting*.
* Noah: The evangelist guy realized he was better off sticking with *Vine*.
* Eli: Moochy lost some of the weight, shaved his head, and started a podcast… and had sex with my friends.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Trailer on YouTube
* IMDb
The Fighting Preacher (GAM317)

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***The Fighting Preacher*** is the story of a violent sociopath invading a small peaceful community and attacking the townsfolk, as he begins the now century old tradition of Mormons amassing enormous tracts of land, but along the way he does learn the most valuable lesson of all: that Mormons are just as persecuted as black people.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we watch another terrible movie, so you don't have to.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you like underdog boxing movies, but always wish the underdog was a psychopathic dick who taunts his opponents like a child and never loses a fight, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Dan: …old-age make-up. [Not as good as Silly Putty and spray paint.]
* Doug: …magic black guy. [Was presumably shown a different script.]
* Heath: …movie poster. [Boxing gloves with "love" and "kindness" on them.]
* Eli: …costume anachronisms. [Not consistent within the same shot.]

### **Notes**

* Check out Dan and Doug on *The How-To Heretic* and *Thank God I'm Atheist!*
* The Mormon church owns a *million* acres of land in the Americas, including two percent of Florida.

### **Jokes**

* [Eli: She's like, "There I was, all on my own, and then a *magical* black man chopped all of my wood, and then vanished."] [Dan: And literally he vanishes! She says "I'm going to go get you a piece of pie." She's yelling at him through the door while she goes in to get the pie, and when she comes out, he's fucking gone!] [Eli: Yup!] [Doug: I love the optics of that, where she goes inside and, like, you know, as if it's not bad enough, she shuts and locks the door behind her.] [Heath: She rolls up the window to her house while...]

### **Interstitials**

* Mormon History Movie Writers' Room (6:37)
* *Mormon Hearsay Story Movie*  Trailer (38:41)
* Didn't Even Get the Pie (45:15) [Doodly-Doo]
* Eli Boxes his Neighborhood (1:01:20)

### **Tropes**

* Magical Black Person
* World Without Black People [One]
* Villains are Heroes, Heroes are Villains

### **Animal House Close**

* Eli: According to Amazon Prime, if you enjoyed *The Fighting Preacher*, you probably wanna watch the reality tv show, *Judge Faith*.
* Dan: According to YouTube, if you enjoyed *The Fighting Preacher*, you probably want to watch *All Quiet on the Western Front* (which is a far far less violent movie).
* Heath: Also according to YouTube, if you enjoyed *The Fighting Preacher*, you probably also want to watch *Zookeeper* with Kevin James, *and*, literally, *The Birth of a Nation*.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Trailer on YouTube
* IMDb

### **Ad Reads**

* Updog: What's… Updog? (1:20:20)
* Mint Mobile: Greens Fees? ft. Noah & Lucinda (1:20:39)
* Hello Fresh: [CODE: AWFUL14] Varmint Hammer ft. Noah & Lucinda (1:22:21)
* Raycon: Lucina's Not Done Using Noah's Pair (1:23:42)