Anti-Boredom/Transcript

(Episode begins in the Candle Friends’ house, with all of them in the living room and Candle Man watches TV, sitting on the couch while eating eggplants.)

Candle Man: Finally, the Candy Cat Movie is about to be on!

Limefong: Hold up, that cat who wanted you to stay with her at that party forever? I heard that in the movie, she-

Candle Man: Keep those filthy spoilers away!

Shaduck: There’s a Candy Cat Movie?

Mystic: Uh, he’s been on about it for weeks!

(Flashback to every time Candle Man talked about it.)

Shaduck: Huh, never noticed.

(Mystic rolls her eyes.)

Mystic: I don’t see the appeal in watching something like that if I’m honest…

Candle Man: YES, YOU DO! IT’S EVERYTHING ABOUT THE WHOLE MOVIE!

Shaduck: And we don’t even have any idea what the plot is-

Candle Man: Shush! It’s on!

Announcer: Apologies to everyone waiting for the Candy Cat Movie, as it has now been delayed.

Candle Man: WHAT?! Delayed?! I’VE BEEN WAITING TO WATCH THIS MOVIE FOR MONTHS, AND NOW IT’S DELAYED!? (Throws an eggplant into the TV screen, breaking it.) Oh, great. What am I supposed to do now? I cancelled all my plans because I wanted to see this flipping movie.

Limefong: Ugh, this day is so boring, jeah? I was gonna video chat with Lemon but the internet connection is off!

Candle Man: (Being deadpan.) Why not message her…?

Limefong: The connec- nevermind. (White fur in his paw spreads) Ow...

Shaduck: And I’ve been running out of ideas about how to prank Mystic…

Mystic: AHEM!

Shaduck: Oh come on, we prank all the time! Why do we need to be secretive?

Mystic: This day is just so boring!

Limefong: Jeah!

Candle Man: Then, what do we do?

Shaduck: Sit and mope?

Candle Man: Ehh, I’d rather stick to some kind of an anti-boredom machine…

Candle Man, Mystic, Shaduck, and Limefong: Wait a minute… YES!

Shaduck: Just let me contact Moose, he’s great at doing these things! He even has his own private laboratory, remember?

Limefong: But...

Shaduck: What is it?

Limefong: The connection is still off

Shaduck: Darn, I forgot.

Mystic: By the way, who forgot to pay the bills for that?

Shaduck: Not me!

Mystic: Yes it was!

Limefong: I’VE BEEN PAYING THE BILLS FOR MONTHS, AND I THOUGHT IT WAS SOMEONE ELSE’S TURN! Anyways, if the power is off, we’re just gonna have to walk there.

Mystic and Limefong: Walking? Ugh!

Candle Man: But wait, where did Shaduck go?

(Scene cuts to Shaduck who has already made it to Moose’s house by teleporting.)

Shaduck: I win!

(Cue theme song.)

Moose: So what did you want me to create again?

Shaduck: An anti-boredom machine!

(Cue Candle Man, Mystic, and Limefong being there too.)

Candle Man, Mystic, and Limefong: Hey, Moose!

Shaduck: But… How did you guys get here so fast?

Mystic: Take a wild guess… a certain somebody driving like crazy again!

(Candle Man does “the Face” from The Amazing World Of Gumball as he sweats. Meanwhile the car is shown to be upside down due to Candle Man having driven like crazy off-screen.)

Limefong: Anyway, Moose, mind bringing us to your lab?

Moose: Go ahead!

Candle Man: How are you gonna make this anti-boredom machine again?

Moose: Oh, it’s easy. (Does what he says.) You just get the cogs at a 90 degree angle before using metal scraps to magnify and strengthen the pulse of the calculator and the working clock helps measure days to see when you are and aren’t bored in order to find a proper conclusion!

Candle Man: Uh… okay?

Mystic: Actually, we meant as in, a machine that prevents us from being bored, not one that tells if we’re bored or not…

Moose: Oh, naive friends. You can’t make an anti-boredom machine without knowing how or when you get bored. Otherwise, we won’t know when it needs it to get more powerful.

Candle Man: Then time to light it up!

Limefong: Can I help? I am the brains of the Candle Friends, so why not give it a shot?

Moose: Ehh, sorry. I don’t really feel like risking it. So sorry, but no.

Limefong: It’s okay.

Moose: And I kind of dislike being watched while creating stuff in my lab… it makes me feel like I’m being stalked. Would you guys mind going home now?

Candle Man: If you say so.

(Shaduck teleports himself and the other Candle Friends into the Candle Car and they drive away, scene cuts back to Moose in his laboratory.)

Moose: Now, let’s get back to business.

(Moose begins to work on the anti-boredom machine. Meanwhile, scene cuts to the Spammers’ lair.)

Whickey: Our plan is almost complete. All we need is-

Maps: (Is looking at a computer.) Hey, I’ve got an idea! That moose guy from earlier is creating some sort of a machine...

Whickey: The Moose Moose?

Luis: What do you mean by “The Moose Moose”, Whickey. Because I am wondering. I still am too.

Whickey: Why are you so stupid?

Luis: I am not. I just want to know who exactly you’re talking about. I still do too.

Gyux: a93oet9iwpgrog6igcfol9erjdi! (Subtitles: “Hmm… kind of looks like an anti-boredom machine…”)

Whickey: Kitchen, translate.

Kitchen: He said that the machine the moose guy is creating looks like a machine to eradicate boredom.

Dyaboy: Hey, it’s more than just that, it’s for… the Candle Friends!

Kitchen: Of course! He is an ally of the Candle Friends, so it makes sense.

Dyaboy: Hmm, the moose guy is quite the inventor but so am I! Let’s turn it into a machine that, instead of removing the Candle Friends’ boredom, it removes their friendship for each other!

Every other Spammer: GENIUS!/Anbujbvgh9yhjk!

Dyaboy: Now, let’s go wherever the moose guy I-

Maps: ALREADY FOUND HIS ADDRESS!

(The Spammers look on the same computer.)

Kitchen: Wait, pretty sure anti-boredom machines aren't hate machines… (Puts her hand on her chin, looking presumably at Maps.) Unless...

Maps: (Close-up of her, as she gives an evil smirk.) Unless...

(Scene cuts to Moose's lab, with the close-up on Maps still being there. A second later, it shows the Spammers hiding in Moose’s lab. Moose is shown still working on the machine.)

Gyux: s4ir57zwjefzwt5zehri8tr! (Subtitles: “Now how are we gonna vandalize Moose’s anti-boredom machine without being noticed?”)

Kitchen: Easy, we just won’t get noticed while vandalizing his machine!

Luis: But, like, how? Just wondering. I still am too. Woo h-

Whickey: Stop saying “Woo hoo” all the time, Luis. Also, we need to be sneaky if we don’t want Moose to notice us…

Luis: Sorry, I can’t help it. I still can’t too. Woo hoo.

Whickey: Ugh, whatever. Let’s just go break that thing!

Dyaboy: Right now?

Whickey: YES!

(Moose turns around)

Moose: Huh? (beat, then shrugs as he turns back to working on the anti-boredom machine) Never mind.

(The Spammers sigh in relief.)

Maps: Okay, does it really matter if we get noticed or not?

Whickey: I know! WE’LL KILL HIM!

(Moose turns around again due to hearing Whickey)

Moose: Who said that?!

(Moose looks around but sees nobody there)

Moose: Ugh, I must be going crazy.

Gyux: djujfnbghurdsk, fvjfvnfjvnfjvnfikjn (Subtitles: “So that means yes, it does matter.”)

Kitchen: Hey, look, an invisible cloak!

Whickey: Kitchen? Where are you?

(Kitchen takes the cloak off)

Kitchen: Right here!

Gyux: oswuf5wsigu5fkdjtied5r (Subtitles: “And now, let’s sabotage that stupid moose’s stupid anti-boredom machine.”)

(The Spammers, except for Kitchen, look at Gyux confused.)

Luis: What?

Kitchen: He said, we should now sabotage Moose’s anti-boredom machine!

(The Spammers all get under the cloak and wait near the machine.)

Moose: Hmm, I think I should get some fresh air. Being stuck inside and making inventions all day is probably why I’m hearing voices…

(Moose walks out of his house.)

Whickey: Mwahaha! Now VANDALIZE, my fellow Spammers!

Kitchen: Hmm… how 'bout pouring a hate potion all over the anti-boredom machine?

Dyaboy: (Deadpan face.) Would that change anything apart from some liquid being all over a machine?

Maps: Ugh, no, silly spongeboy!

Dyaboy: Well, Miss Eraks said it first!

Maps: Yes but that’s not what would happen! It would turn the “Anti-Boredom” machine into a HATE machine!

Gyux: ekdtxdnzfhwgufiujwdü34t41003t13rth2rf (Subtitles: “Let’s do it, RIGHT THIS SECOND!”)

Kitchen: Yes, bro, let’s do it right this second!

(Whickey throws a hate potion to everyone.)

Kitchen: How did you get so many?

Whickey: I saw a duplicator in the back.

Kitchen: Yeesh, he should really watch where he puts all of his things.

Luis: Wait, where did the hate potion come from? Because I am wondering. I still am too. Woo hoo.

Whickey: I actually have a big range of potions in case of any evil schemes such as this!

(Whickey pulls out a love potion.)

Kitchen: Uh, what would you use that for?

(A label on it reads “In case Kitchen breaks up.” Whickey quickly puts it away)

Whickey: Uh, nothing. Just maybe if…..ONE OF THE CANDLE FRIENDS NEEDED TO BE DISTRACTED! Yeah, definitely that.

Maps: I gave him all those potions though… may I get some credit?

Whickey: No.

Dyaboy: Anyway, let’s go back to business.

Luis: Indeed, I am already pouring the potions. I still am too. Woo hoo.

(Luis is seen pouring the potion into the Anti-Boredom machine.)

Whickey: The more the merrier! But not for the Candle Friends! (Makes an evil face as he then pours a hate potion into the Anti Boredom machine. They then hear footsteps from outside.)

Kitchen: Oh no! He’s coming back!

(Everyone quickly throws the potions at the machine, smashing them and still pouring the liquid on it.)

Maps: Quick! Let’s use the cloak!

(Moose opens the door as they all quickly get under the cloak and take a few steps back.)

Moose: What the- Who causes all this mess? Broken glass and what’s this acid-like liquid?

(Moose scoops some off the floor with his finger and then tastes.)

Moose: AAAAA, I DESPISE WHOEVER DID THIS! I’M GONNA DESTROY THEM! (Snaps out of it.) Woah, did that just come out of me? That must be some sort of hate potion!

Dyaboy: No shizzle, Sherlock.

Moose: WHO’S THERE? Show yourself! I knew it was you, whoever did this!

(The Spammers then open the door and escape.)

Moose: G-g-g-ghost!

(Cuts to the Candle Friends’ house.)

Candle Man: I wonder how Moose’s doing with that anti-boredom machine…

Shaduck: I hope he’s almost done, it’s been forever.

Mystic: It literally has only been 5 minutes.

Shaduck: IT FEELS LIKE FOREVER.

(Moose bursts into the house.)

Moose: Guys! I got terrible news!

Shaduck: Please don’t tell me the anti-boredom machine broke.

Moose: Worse than that! My house has been….haunted!

Candle Man: Haunted? By like...ghosts?

Moose: Exactly! I need your help busting them!

Limefong: Hold up, I think you need some rest. You’ve been working on a lot of inventions today.

Mystic: Yeah, we’ll sort it out.

(The Main 4 go over to Moose’s lab.)

Candle Man: I don’t see any ghosts here.

Limefong: Well, jeah. They're usually invisible.

Candle Man: So then how do we know others ghosts aren-

Mystic: Hey, look! The anti-boredom machine! It’ll be okay if we used it for a little while.

Candle Man: Mystic is right, just a few minutes. It won’t hurt.

(Candle Man turns it on, and gets affected by the hate.)

Candle Man: GRR! WHY DID MOOSE CALL US OVER TO DO HIS STUPID DIRTY WORK?! HE SHOULD BE BUSTING THE GHOSTS HIMSELF… if he was even telling the truth about that ghost! I HOPE HE WASN’T LYING! I UTTERLY DESPISE LIES!

Shaduck: Woah, you normally don’t get angry like this. (Thinks for a second.) Actually, nevermind (Turns it on.) UGH! CANDLE MAN!

Candle Man: WHAT!?

Shaduck: I DON’T KNOW, I JUST FEEL ANGRY FOR SOME REASON AND NOW I WANT EVERYONE TO FEEL ANGRY!

(Shaduck turns on the machine so Mystic and Limefong also get angry.)

Mystic: I’M ANGRY FOR SOME REASON, BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS!

Limefong: JEAH, YOU THREE ARE SO FLIPPIN’ ANNOYING, WHY ARE YOU ALL SCREAMING!

Candle Man: YOU’RE SCREAMING!

(Meanwhile, the Spammers watch through the window, giggling to themselves.)

Candle Man: (Off-screen.) WHY AM I HANGING OUT WITH YOU GUYS ANYWAY?

Whickey: We did it! And now to make the whole town know!

(Whickey gets under the cloak again and steals the Anti-boredom, now hate, machine.)

Shaduck: WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING, MR. MACHINE!?

(Whickey quickly escapes.)

Mystic: GET BACK HERE!

(Whickey plugs it into a big outlet.)

Whickey: TIME FOR YOU ALL TO FEEL THE HATE!

Kitchen: But what about us?

(Whickey gives them all a potion.)

Maps: (Reading.) “Protection potion”. Good idea!

(The Spammers all drink it.)

Whickey: And now…

(Whickey turns the machine on.)

Whickey: …We watch.

(Moose, who was lying on the couch and taking a rest, is woken up by angry people banging at the windows and doors of the Candle House.)

Moose: Hey, what’s the big idea?!

(They soon break the windows.)

Moose: Woah, what’s up with everybody today? Oh no, my machine! (Runs to his lab to see the angry Candle Friends.)

Candle Man: ABOUT TIME YOU SHOWED UP, MOOSE!

Moose: The Anti-Boredom 2000! Where did it go?!

Mystic: I DON’T KNOW! IT MAGICALLY RAN AWAY!

(Moose runs outside and sees the Spammers near the machine, Maps labelling it “Hate Machine”.)

Moose: Hey, you! What are you doing with my machine?!

Whickey: Why aren’t you affected?

(Whickey tries to use it on Moose but it doesn’t work.)

Moose: You can’t use my own machine against me, bozo!

(Moose shows a computer chip that is on his arm.)

Moose: This is on every one of my machines so that it doesn’t affect me unless I want it to-

(Gyux pulls the chip off the machine.)

Whickey: Now are you affected?

Moose: Back-ups always come in handy. And now it’s time for you to back up unless you want a piece of me.

Whickey: One Moose against the six of us? Pff, no way you’re gonna beat us!

(Moose presses on of the computer chips on his arm, making Candle Man, Mystic, Shaduck and Limefong walk into the room.)

Moose: Oh, did you think I was doing this alone?

Candle Man: Your hate machine doesn’t work on us any more, stupid Spam-Spams! Moose gave us the chips before he ran outside!

Whickey: Whatever! I STILL HAVE A TOWN OF HATE TO DEFEAT YOU!

Limefong: Hold up, how the flip did you make everyone so hateful?!

(Whickey pulls out an empty bottle of the Hate potion.)

Whickey: This is how.

Shaduck: An empty flask?

Whickey: NO, THERE WAS A POTION INSIDE!

Shaduck: Oh.

Whickey: Now, townspeople...ATTACK!

Townspeople: NO!

Whickey: What?!

Pesron: We aren’t going to listen to you!

Townspeople: YEAH!

Whickey: BUT I MADE YOU HATEFUL! YOU WILL OBEY ME!

Dewey: You made us angry?

Whickey: Uh, no…

TwoBrains: Then what is that over there? (Points to the Hate machine)

Kitchen: Nothing!

202: A hate machine?!

Luis: No! It’s still not too!

Rachel: These guys are lying, they made us all angry!

(The angry crowd run after the Spammers.)

Dyaboy: Wait!

Townspeople: NO!

Dyaboy: I mean, look over there. The Candle Friends! They’re supposed to help you but look, they’re not doing anything to help you!

Candle Man: Oh yeah? How’s this for not helping? (Burns the hate machine to dust. Everyone is lifted from their anger.)

Dewey: Huh? What happened?

Shaduck: The entire town was filled with rage!

Duddman: But why?

(The Candle Friends point to the Spammers who run away.)

Pesron: Get them!

(The townspeople run after the Spammers.)

Maps: Guys, I got what we needed!

Whickey: Great! Then Kitchen, pull that cloak over us. It’s time to put our plan into action!

(Kitchen pulls the invisibility cloak over themselves and the Spammers run back to their lair.)

Candle Man: Dang it! They got away!

Heem: But at least there is no anger in this city!

(Everyone cheers.)

Mystic: But I wonder what they’re plan is now…

(Meanwhile, at the Spammers’ lair…)

Whickey: So, we’ve tried so many different things to get UCP back. We had to steal that Moose’ toxic potion for the dartgun, which we had to chop trees down to get the wood for, which we needed to knock out Mystic and kill her for the stardust. But that didn’t even work! So you know what? (Lifts a frying pan up.) I think it’s time we re-create UCP! (Places the frying pan on the stove.) Satan’s fur!

Maps: Ah yes, the fur sample that I found stuck to that duck which identified as Satan’s!

(Whickey puts the fur sample onto his frying pan and suddenly the grease jumps up and falls onto the floor and wriggling around.)

Whickey: YES, IT’S HAPPENING! UCP SHALL LIVE!

(The grease then finally transforms into Corrupted UCP.)

Whickey: YES!

Corrupted UCP: Wh- what? Who are you?

Whickey: We have re-created you for the sake of destroying Wikia!

Corrupted UCP: While I like the sound of that...wait, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY LAIR?!

Maps: We were only trying to-

(Corrupted UCP grows two pairs of arms and throws the Spammers out of his lair.)

Whickey: Wait!

Corrupted UCP: THIS IS MY LAIR. YOU HEAR ME?! MINE!

Kitchen: But-

(Corrupted UCP slams the door shut. The episode ends)