Welcome to Farzar

**Welcome to Farzar** is the first episode of Season 1 of Farzar. It is the first episode, overall.

## Synopsis

Defying orders, Fichael leads his newly formed squad of misfits on a mission to kill Bazarack and learns something disturbing about his dad.

## Plot

Renzo retells the history of Farzar, a planet once terrorized by evil aliens and how he fought against these aliens in war to save his precious planet. Afterwards, he married the current leader of Farzar, Queen Flammy, insisting that it has nothing to do with his desire to gain political power. Thus, Renzo became the czar of Farzar and created an energy dome to protect the Human City, blocking out all of the aliens from entering, especially the villainous alien leader, Bazarack, who still vows to take down Renzo's empire to this day. We see that Renzo is telling this story to a kindergarten classroom and the kids are not impressed with his story.

Prince Fichael, the son of Renzo and Flammy, celebrates his 30th birthday, by performing a staged fight against some costumed actors dressed as the aliens, while his parents watch. Fichael fucks everything up, leaving Renzo completely unimpressed and Flammy, in contrast, proudly amazed by her son's excellent swordsmanship. Flammy showers her son in golden gifts for his golden birthday but Fichael years for something more this year. Just then, Renzo gets a portal message from one of his guards, alerting him to the fact that the energy dome has just been vandalized by Bazarack. Renzo rants over Bazarack once more and demands that one of his men finally kill the evil alien. Fichael asks if he can become a general for his birthday so that he can kill Bazarack. Renzo initially refuses before being contradicted by Flammy, who makes him change his mind and decide to put together a ragtag team of misfits for him just to humor the little idiot. Fichael goes to tell his best friend, Scootie the great news but Scootie is too busy snorting snuffle snarts to care. Nevertheless, Fichael invited Scootie to be part of his team.

The next day, Fichael calls to order the first meeting of the Special Hostile Assault Team or (S.H.A.T.), where he greets his new members, including Mal Skullcruncher, a grizzled war veteran, who's hell-bent on going out for blood, Val Skullcruncher, her siamese twin, who works as a preschool teacher, Barry Barris a famous scientist, who used to be extremely intelligent and before having a nervous breakdown, and turning into a sick and twisted psycho who makes completely fucked up inventions, and lastly, Billy, one of Barry's fucked up inventions, being a hideous creature who was spliced together from a bunch of different animal parts. Fichael tells his new members that their mission is plain and simple; they'll be venturing outside the dome to bring in some smooth rocks for Renzo's koi pond. Mal immediately calls out how Renzo is giving them bullshit missions because he doesn't trust them to do anything important. Scootie on the other hand actually likes the idea of doing a lame mission, as he's too scared to fight actual aliens for real, given his tragic experience with losing all of his human body parts in past alien fights, hence his current robot form.

Fichael goes to confront his dad about these missions and Renzo tells him that the guys on his team are calling S.H.A.T. a joke. Renzo pulls out Flammy's earplugs and tells Fichael that their team is, of course, a joke and that he doesn't trust them for a second. He just made Fichael a general to shut him up, telling him that he's nowhere near qualified to be a general since he's never left the city. Fichael justifies that he never left the city because he has "fatallergies", a disease that causes his organs to dissolve if he breathes the outside air. Renzo breaks the news to Fichael that this was all just a lie they made up and he's completely safe to leave the city. Fichael is very mad and leaves, swearing to find Bazarack and murder him. Renzo forbids this but Fichael knows that if he doesn't let him do this, Flammy will divorce him and he'll lose his power as czar, so he goes off anyway, leaving Renzo is vile disapproval.

Fichael comes back in to tell the S.H.A.T. Squad that there's been a change of plans and their new goal was to kill Bazarack. Mal adores this idea but Scootie refuses to join them, not wanting to lose his last human body part in war, (his penis), which he brags is very big. Barry helps Fichael on his mission by taking him to his lab to give him some inventions but none of his inventions seem useful at all, such as a Bouncy Castle Pellet, which, when wet, turns into a bouncy castle, a Suislide Whistle, which only causes instant death to oneself, and a Wormhole Watch that only opens portal to his mom's shower.

For the first time, Fichael sets foot out in the Alien Slums and takes the rest of S.H.A.T. with him. He immediately gets shat upon by a giant monster and a little turd cowboy named Little Bob Dookie grows out of the pile of shit on his head and starts dancing around. Everybody just politely ignores this, except for Billy. Fichael asks some aliens for directions but all they do is chase and attack him. Mal blows up a monster with her laser gun and gets herself and Val covered in organs. Val, who's second job as an elementary school teacher cuts into her first day at S.H.A.T., takes her students with her through the alien slums on a kid leash. She seizes this opportunity to teach the kids about internal organs but Tina just calls her a cunt again. The only member of S.H.A.T. who doesn't seem to be helping out much is Billy, who has instead befriended Little Bob Dookie. Billy gives Little Bob Dookie a flower and when Little Bob Dookie smells it, he sneezes himself to an explosive death. Out of sadness over the death of Little Bob Dookie, Billy jerks off. After this, everybody gets cornered by disgusting, vicious aliens until Scootie triumphantly returns to blast them all to death and save them. Everybody is so thankful that he had a change of heart, except for Mal, who tells him that she always gets the most kills on every mission. Scootie brings a map of Farzar that he bought from his drug dealer and uses it to find Bazarack's Kingdom, which is said to be in the Netherlands.

The first obstacle they come across are the Intellectoids, Flobby and Belzert, who stand guard of The Netherlands. However, the intellectoids prove to be complete idiots, believing in the S.H.A.T. Squad's lame-ass intellectoid disguise. However, Fichael outstupids the idiots and blows his cover by taking off his disguise right in front of them. Flobby and Belzert try to kill them but they obtain the suislide whistle and kill themselves with it, allowing for S.H.A.T. to just breeze on through. Mal gets mad at Fichael for taking her lead on kills and punches him in the face.

Bazarack sits on his evil throne in his castle and asks his minion, Clitaris how intimidating he looks and is disappointed to hear that he's just a 4 on a scale of 1-10. Bazarack insults Clitatis' wife and then gets some indimidating makeup to make himself look scarier. There, he's told that the son of Renzo and a team of Dome City warriors are coming down to his kingdom to assassinate them. Bazarack prepares for their arrival by decorating the kingdom to look a lot scarier.

On their journey to Bazarack's Kingdom, S.H.A.T. goes through the Very Bad Bad Bad Forest, which puts Billy on edge. When Billy hears rustling in the bushes, he gets scared and skunk-sprays out of his asshole right into Scootie's face. The rustling comes from a little pink chaos-celot named Zobo. Mal tries to kill him but Fichael stops her, saying that he's just a harmless little baby and he would never do anything wrong. Mal tries to blow him up with a grenade anyway but Val throws the grenade away, blowing up a giant piece of shit named Big Bob Dookie, which ends up splattering a bunch of shit all over Scootie. Fichael keeps Zobo as a pet and Val falls a little smitten with him, thinking that he's kind of sexy for being so paternal to his new pet. The squad fights their way out of the forest and wins the fight by opening a wormhole to Mrs. Barris' shower, causing Mrs. Barris to fall out and land on the monster, killing it.

When they finally make it out of the forest, they find out they went in a huge circle and wound up right back at Dome City. Mal snatches the map from Scootie and finds out that it's not even a map, it's just a drawing of a bunch of cartoon boobies. Scootie admits that Renzo offered him 10 snuffle-snarts in exchange for him keeping Fichael away from Bazarack's base and apologizes for turning his back on him like that. Just then, a Cocktopus breaks out of the ground and attacks everybody except for Scootie. Scootie is tasked with being the hero to save them but then sees a bunch of snuffle-snarts and snorts them all, getting blackout high instead, leaving the rest of his squad to getting eaten by the Cocktopus.

Inside of the Cocktopus' belly, everybody fears that they're going to be digested and die like Val's students. Fichael has nothing but his worthless dehydrated bounce house capsule but then he drops it in the acid and when it gets wet, it expands in the Cocktopus' stomach and makes it explode to death, saving them all. Before they continue about their mission, they all seize the opportunity to bounce around on the bounce house.

Meanwhile at Bazarack's base, Bazarack has long finished decorating for maximum scare factor and grows weary of waiting for The S.H.A.T. Squad to arrive and just orders his minions to go out, arrest them, and bring them to his kingdom, including Scootie, who's still stoned off his ass and gets dragged back to the kingdom by Clitaris.

Barry breaks into Renzo's room, during disgusting sex with Flammy and tells him that he has some horrible news regarding Fichael. Barry tells him that he was just kidnapped by Bazarack's minions. Renzo is worried and shoves Flammy in the closet and tells her that she's shopping as Costco to keep her oblivious to this.

The S.H.A.T. Squad is taken into Bazarack's base and greeted by Bazarack himself, who tries to make himself look terrifying but instead just makes an ass of himself, by falling flat on his face and getting stuck to the floor with his armor spikes and having Clitaris expose his stupid last name, "Finklestein" to his enemies by doing his laundry right out in the open where everyone can see. Fichael tells Bazarack that he came down here to eliminate evil but Bazarack gives him a rude awakening, saying that it's actually Renzo who's the evil one, by invading their planet, pushing them off their land, and ravaging their resources. Fichael tells him that this was actually the complete opposite but Val, Mal, and Scootie all have to correct him, telling him that Renzo is actually a villain who just censors the truth from the people of Dome City. Fichael can't believe what he's hearing so Bazarack does a little musical number, explaining just how much of an evil asshole this Renzo truly is. Fichael's entire world gets turned upside down and at this point, he has no idea what to believe anymore. He comes to the conclusion that he and his team are the bad guys, which he doesn't want. Bazarack tells Fichael to join him instead and become a good guy. Scootie asks why he's betraying his father like this and Fichael says that his father doesn't really love him, he just loves his throne and with that, he joins Bazarack and takes his team with him.

Renzo asks his top scientists what they should do to get Fichael back. Barry suggests he use his shrink ray on him and shove him up his ass and then on himself to shove up someone else's ass and so on until everybody becomes human Russian nesting dolls. Renzo, of course, has no idea how the hell this helps with getting Fichael back and Barry realizes that getting Fichael back was what this meeting was all about and how unimportant his suggestion was.

Bazarack assembles his entire army and gets ready for an invasion on Dome City. Mal gives water to all of the minions, reminding them all to stay hydrated. He uses the wormhole watch, which he recently modified to be able to open portal to anywhere in the world, and redirects it to Renzo's castle. He opens the portal to Renzo and gives Fichael the gun, instructing him to kill Renzo. Fichael is hesitant to do this but remembers how his dad doesn't really love him and just cares about his throne, which brings him closer to deciding to kill him. Just then, Barry comes up and warns Renzo that if Fichael dies, he'll most likely lose the throne but Renzo claims that he doesn't care about the throne at all, he cares about his son because he loves him. After this, Fichael can no longer bring himself to kill his dad and tells Bazarack that he can't do it. Fichael tells Bazarack that he has a better idea on how to get his people treated fairly. He plans on convincing Renzo to change his evil ways and start respecting Bazarack and his people but Bazarack doesn't believe he could change that close-minded asshole at all. Fichael says he thinks he can convince his dad by earning his respect and the first thing he does to earn his dad's respect is sever Bazarack's head. After this, a bunch of other minions drop dead because Mal actually poisoned the water she gave them, officially winning her the most kills on the mission.

Fichael returns to Dome City to present to Renzo the decapitated head of Bazarack and Renzo finally shows him some respect. Flammy comes back from "Costoco" and sees how Renzo let Fichael leave the city. She's so mad at him for going against her wishes that she tells him that he won't be getting any sex from her for a week. Renzo is completely okay with this. Fichael tells Renzo that Bazarack told him everything and he demands that he change his ways. Renzo threatens Fichael that if he really is the kind of guy Bazarack says he is, it's best not to threaten him. He then leaves to go play volleyball with Bazarack's severed head.

The people of Bazarack's kingdom watch Renzo play volleyball on TV. Clitaris says that on the bright side, Bazarack's race has the ability to regrow heads. Bazarack is shown at his throne again with a teeny tiny little baby head on his body, very pissed off about everything that just happened.

Scootie stands at the door of Dome City and prides himself on going on a mission without losing his final human part, only for the doors to close on his penis and slice it off, making him scream in absolute pain and agony.

## Characters

### Major Roles

* Renzo
* Prince Fichael
* Queen Flammy
* Scootie
* Val Skullcruncher
* Mal Skullcruncher
* Barry Barris
* Billy
* Zobo
* Bazarack

### Minor Roles

* Flobby
* Belzert
* Clitaurus
* Snuffle Snarts
* Little Bob Dookie
* Tina
* Gorpzorp
* Meezo
* Cocktopus
* Big Bob Dookie (Cameo)
* Mrs. Barris (Cameo)
* Trish (Non-Speaking Cameo)
* Silah (Mentioned)

## Trivia

* This is the first episode of the series.
* Prince Fichael turns 30 years old in this episode.
* Scootie has a 5-year-old nephew, who's trying to get laid and to help him out, he thinks of hooking him up with Tina, from Val Skullcruncher's class.
* Barry Barris used to be the best scientist in all of Dome City before he started having mental breakdowns, turning him into the psychopath he is today.
* Scootie used to be a human being before losing his body parts in war in the Alien Slums, making his entire body almost entirely robotic replacement limbs, save for his penis, which he also loses at the end.
* Flammy lied to Fichael that he had a disease called "fatallergies", that would cause his organs to disintegrate if he ever left Dome City but this turned out to just be a lie she told him because she was overprotective.
* Val's second job as an elementary school teacher cuts into her first day at S.H.A.T. and she has to take her students on an impromptu field trip through the Alien Slums on a kid leash.
* Mal prefers to have the most kills on every mission.

### Cultural References

* The title of this episode continues the tradition of all of Roger Black and Waco O'Guin's shows, having first episodes titled "Welcome to (Name of Primary Setting)". *Brickleberry* had "Welcome to Brickleberry" and *Paradise PD* had "Welcome to Paradise".
* The narrated intro mimics the animation style of 1970's *He-Man* cartoons.
* A kid in the classroom wonders if *Farzar* is going to be a rip-off of the other adult animated sci-fi shows, *Futurama* or *Rick & Morty*.
* Renzo bought Fichael's general outfit from *Party City*.

## See Also

**Season 1**

**Welcome to Farzar** • Robot Revolution • Save the Reaper Demons • St. Pudchugger's Day • The Adventures of Daddy O'Baggins • Flammily Reunion • Baz, Bangs, and Brains • The Great and Powerful Ozner • Memory Wars • War and Peace