The Fallen Clan

take care of yourself

## ***Chapter 1***

The forest was foggy. It was dark and full of shadows that flitted around my vision, little laughs that were rolled in danger, full of evil, cruel beings.

I did not belong here, it seemed.

But now that I have the time to think through it all, I was cruel. I even might belong here.

The first thing I remembered was a young memory. I don't think I should remember that early, but when I was young, my despair was my life. I was living on the verge, never sure if I would even survive another day.

That's probably what made it so memorable.

I remember the horrid box with the claw marks in its cardboard walls, my small futile claws trying to escape.

The long nights waiting for the dawn.

Then the days when she left, and all I could do was hope she'd return.

But in her place a shadowy, cruel cat came instead.

With the voice of a mother.

She called me Liltingkit. Lilting like a melody, a heartbeat, a blink, the torrent of pure rain.

She brang food every once and a while, just enough so I wouldn't starve.

She said I was going to be a hero.

At the time I believed it.

But looking back maybe she was wrong.

She lived deep in the shadows, watching, and preying on me, I realize now.

If I hadn't been such a fool.

I should've died a long time ago. Or my mother would've fended her off.

Maybe if I hadn't been forgotten and tossed away.

Perhaps...

Perhaps Mapleshade would never have come. And I wouldn't be here.

She glares at me every time I see her. Her failure. I try to tell her that I would've never been enough to compare too her kits originally...

But she doesn't believe me.

Maybe if I wait for long enough.....they'll let me see her in StarClan.

Oh mother, where would I be if you were still there....

## ***Chapter 2***

The fog wraps around my fur like an uncomfortable, damp blanket, snagging into my fur and making me shiver.

I looked at the darkness around me that never seemed to break, with no dawn, no stars or moon in sight.

I felt cold.

I felt lost.

I felt alone...just like I had.

The horrid box wasn't actually to hard to leave. I'd bang on the sides until it fell over, and run out onto the streets for the first time.

It had been worse than the box. At least the box had been quiet. It was so loud and so many things radiated cruelty and death, sharp street lights guiding you in the night, although sometimes they were dark and gone.

Noise was something that always was, no matter the time of day.

In most places, the streetlamps outshone the stars, blotting out the darkness, but also losing light.

It was only good because there was so much food. Twolegs were so specific and careless. They never understood the key difference between good food and crow food.

They kept throwing out perfectly good food, kept on getting rid of the best things I'd seen in weeks!

Good food was not a passtime, it was finding the most picky, most nosy twolegs, and choosing their trash.

Eating it.

It was undignified, but it was how to survive.

It was how I survived, before I was even three moons old.

A skill I learned is how to understand twolegs.

Not too much, as their meowing is inconsistent and weird.

But their body language...

Is more visible than a gingery kit in this murky place.

Their coat would stand out like a street light against the darkness.

They love most cats.

Except, maybe, for cats like me.

Black cats.

My strange, reddish eyes made me even more fearsome. Twolegs would desert the area when I came about, or throw things at me.

I've been called many names.

Demon cat, unlucky, stupid kitty, bad luck...

So many names...

Liltingkit was at least kind.

Mapleshade was the only kind cat I knew...maybe the only street cat I knew, clan cat or otherwise.

The only cat I knew that wasn't some kittypet who shared a bit of their food.

Maybe my mother could've been there for me, but the twolegs hadn't wanted an unlucky black cat.

They'd wanted her gray fur, her green eyes, and darker tail and paws.

Her striped tabby coat.

Her gentleness.

Not some unlucky demon.

Never someone like me.

Did StarClan just not want me? Was that it?

Is that why I reside here now?

## ***Chapter 3***

Perhaps I was a fool. Catching finally, my first prey, and beginning to eat. I remember then clear as day.

Then Mapleshade came, lurking in the shadows.

Her eyes sparkled.

She seemed....

Proud.

"Liltingkit..." she'd said "You've earned something."

I'd been so confused. Well, I had just turned around 6 moons, and catching my first prey, she had approached me.

"You shall now be known as Liltingpaw. I will teach you the ways of the clans." She said softly "The ways I was taught myself."

From then on, I was known as Liltingpaw. A melody of footsteps before danger came, a song spun of fur and whiskers.

She explained the clans and I grew a little jealous, angry that the clans were all together and I was here.

Alone.

She said I would be her warrior one day, a leader of a great clan.

Now I know she *lied.*

But I wish...I wish that were true.

Because in this dark forest...in this shadowy plane...

There is no 'great clan'.

There is no 'safety'.

No 'Warrior Code'.

But also....

Nobody is a 'good cat'.

I was great, powerful, but respected.

I see my envy and anger.

I want to apologize.

But it is far too late...

## ***Chapter 4***

*"Sharp claws will only hurt oneself if not smart." Mapleshade said, emerging from a nearby shadow, her sharp scent tickling my nose, gazing down with disdain at my curled body, as I had fallen while trying to catch a bird.*

*"Liltingpaw," she chided "You need to use your brain, not just your strength."*

*She poked me gently with her nose, and rather than feeling warm or comforting, I felt an icy cold wherever she touched, and I shivered and jolted upright.*

*"Good. Now try again." She gestured upwards, and I saw a crow who had perched above us, watching me with curiosity. I could smell him too, he smelled old, and a bit rancid, but that meant a crow was of good age to catch, because the crow had just eaten.*

*"But it knows I'm here!" I complained, twitching my tail "I won't be able to take it by surprise."*

*"I never said to catch the crow, apprentice." She said, her voice cold, but soft, doing well to hide her annoyance "I asked you to look up. Go up there. Stay hidden in the shadows and downwind. Then when a new bird flaps down to take a break-"*

*She launched forward, easily pinning me down, her grip cold as ice, her teeth seconds from tearing into my neck.*

*"Catch it like that." she finished, but instead of easing her grip, I got colder and colder, her teeth bared, her eyes flared, and she tore at my neck, and I felt blindness return to my right eye, I felt the scents fade away, all but her scent I could still smell her, and the cold start to seep in and then-*

I jolted upright, panting. My tail lashed and my hairs were on end, my haunches up and eyes wide. The fog whispered and whisked around my pelt, seemingly able to chill me, even beneath my long fur.

I looked around, eyes flashing. The moonless, lightless sky was still above us. It was so dark. There was no sun, no clouds.

I wasn't eight moons of age.

I wasn't still in that city- that deathtrap.

I wasn't just learning how to hunt.

I looked around, and I saw her. She wasn't too far off.

Mapleshade's scent tickled my nose again, and finally the wind changed.

I shakily walked away, going to the place where StarClan and the dark forest met.

I saw the cats.

They saw me.

I saw the moon and stars.

They peered right back.

I gently closed my eyes again and fell into a dreamless sleep, trying to use the stars as comfort.

I was an innocent apprentice. I had caught a few birds in the days after that memory.

But hunting doesn't get you to this forest.

So...that is not why I am here...

## ***Chapter 5 - Low Tide***

**(TW: mentions of death. From here on out, there will be more, and if you're not comfortable with that, this is where you stop reading. For everyone else: enjoy the story!)**

"Coolingstar?" A tabby she-cat said anxiously, twitching her tail. She was gray, with blue stripes and accents, her white underbelly covering much of her body, expanding all onto her neck and around her ankles.

A tortoiseshell tom padded out of his den, blinking. The sun had barely risen, and the camp was bathed with a warm golden light. His pelt was disheveled and messy, only his head and chest had been washed, as if Blizzardstream had caught him mid-groom.

"Yes?" the tortoiseshell asked, piercing green eyes studying the blue eyed cat before him.

"StarClan warns me of a cat who got too close to the barrier..." she said anxiously.

Coolingstar straightened.

"Of the place of no stars?!" he said, tail suddenly twitching with the same anxiety of Blizzardstream's.

Blizzardstream's ears pinned nervously.

"I fear so." she responded softly

Coolingstar's tail swished in a motion that seemed to say, very simply *tell me more.*

And so Blizzardstream responded "All I know is that Fore-our ancestors saw that he was not angry, like many others, but somber. Sad, even. They told me that he looked....afraid, perhaps of himself. But there were no cats nearby and he was quite scarred...they think it might have been Liltingheart."

Coolingstar's eyes turned a bit angry, but still quite nervous. He hissed a bit, but then his eyes turned slightly somber.

Foreststorm had been the medicine cat before Blizzardstream, and as far as Coolingstar knew, the two cats had been very close, not just as apprentice and mentor, but as brother and sister. Blizzardstream had lived a long life as a warrior and would've made an amazing leader, but when she was chosen for deputy, she cracked under so much pressure.

Foreststorm had taken her under his wing to train as a medicine cat, so she wouldn't be so scared, but when Foreststorm was out collecting herbs, a few days after Blizzardstream became an official medicine cat, a badger had attacked him.

Blizzardstream was not able to take an apprentice for many moons, stricken with grief for her lost brother, and finally after a terrible leafbare, she seemed to glean some strange knowledge. She now mentored Pollenpaw, and had great knowledge and wisdom behind her every step.

Coolingstar knew it. Pollenpaw was going to be one of the best medicine cats alive, thanks to Blizzardstream.

"Although, Liltingheart did unforgivable things out of anger and envy, Mapleshade did lead him down this path." Blizzardstream continued, blue eyes softening with pity "And I hear twolegs took his mother when he was just a moon or two old."

"He should've died in that box." Coolingstar spat angrily "BloodClan is rising again! This is the fourth time! He brought the second coming and through that he brings so many things!"

Blizzardstream stayed calm and patient "Coolingstar, he is no longer here. He can never affect us. He got near the border for the light of the stars to lull him to sleep. He seemed wistful for another life." she said gently "But they also said the forest grows in strength. Liltingheart....is not the strongest out of them."

Coolingstar calmed finally, ears no longer pinning from fear or anger.

"Then we shall tell them at the next gathering." he said softly

Blizzardstream nodded before heading back to the medicine den, tail twitching.

Another day was about to begin.

*A day has passed...*

## Entry 1

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Today the full moon rises.

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I saw the waxing gibbous yesterday, through my telescope

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My cat, Harold, seems to be agitated for some reason.

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I've never seem him so energetic or frantic.

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I think his recent trips to the forest make him want to go outside-or something of the sort.

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He's a lazy house cat-he enjoys sleeping in the sun and doing anything but moving.

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He is charming that way.

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He did once run away for a few months, but returned to us in the winter. He still leaves every full moon. However, he always returns.

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I'm extremely worried...

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I'm sure it's fine though.

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I will have him under careful watch.

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## ***Chapter 6***

*"Good haul." I whispered to myself "Mom would be proud."*

*I gazed around, eyes scanning my surroundings brightly, then turning to the bright, morning sky.*

Is she alright, I wonder? *I thought sadly* I hope the twolegs take care of her.

*Suddenly anger bit me, stinging sharp, sinking its teeth into my mind.* They wouldn't, *I thought,* If they hate me, they'll hate her too.

*A cat was behind me. I could smell his sharp and lean scent, and whirled around. It was one I had never met before...and so I bared my teeth at him.*

*He shrank back a little, then stood up tall, trying to look menacing.*

*The only one he was fooling really was himself.*

*"Don't mind me." he said, red eyes flashing.*

*Wait...red eyes. I had red eyes too.*

*"Why don't you share some food?" he asked gently, non-threateningly.*

*I noticed he was skinny, maybe a moon younger than me. He had caramel and chocolate fur and a slight lilt to his voice. His pelt had darker brown on his tail, ears, paws, and on his face. He had fangs that stuck out too, as if they had grown a bit faster than the rest of him.*

*"Alright." I said, passing him a sparrow.*

*He smiled gratefully, and ate slowly, savoring the food.*

*The two of us ate together, talking. Once we finished he was about to leave, and then he turned to me.*

*"I...thank you." he said finally. "I couldn't feed myself...I'm sorry for taking your prey but-"*

*"No." I interrupted "It's okay. You can come back tomorrow...I'll give you more."*

*He knew the streets well, and so he said "And how do I owe you?"*

*"Company." I said softly "Friendship, even."*

*He smiled.*

*"I'll...yes, I'll be your friend."*

*He walked away, tail swishing, and I sighed happily.*

*I had a friend now!*

*A few minutes later Mapleshade appeared, glaring at me.*

*"You fool! You horrible idiot! You can't trust anybody. Only your mother. Only those who take care of you." she said, and at the time she looked angry but somehow, I could tell she was hurt, remembering her own past. "Never trust anybody. Manipulate them. Take them under your wing and train them to be your weapon, but never trust or- or- befriend them!"*

*She sighed, and melted away again.*

*My ears pinned. But then I thought it over again.*

*Well...maybe nobody cares for him either. I decided. So I will be the one who will.*

*I'll be his friend.*

I woke up, eyes opening slowly. There was light...?

Light? oh...

I looked at the stars again. The sun shone brightly through the rift and they looked at me. Many were glaring. But one seemed almost sorry for me.

It was midday. I could tell. The sun was bright and above. I swished my tail and walked away, back into the darker forest, and felt my tears roll down my cheeks as I sat in a small den in a shadow.

Oh how I missed him...

He was my only real friend.

## ***Chapter 7***

The fog thinned. It was as if the borders were weakening. I didn't like the feeling. It made most cats here vengeful.

It made me hurt a little.

I wasn't angry anyway, I felt scared at the fact that there would be so much wrath on the world below.

Eternity gives you a lot of time to think about your choices.

I realized, after a moment, that I didn't regret sharing my prey that day. I would never regret making a friend.

I swished my tail, the never ending darkness messing with my internal clock. I curled my tail around me and smelled an awfully familiar scent.

Fish. A bit of cinnamon, and a tangy scent that came from the dark forest.

*Mapleshade.*

She was...smiling?

It wasn't one of those made up soft smiles, or the ones she had when she saw her kits again, every new moon.

It was a dark smile, sinister and cruel.

Her eyes shined with malevolence, but glittered with intelligence.

Mapleshade knew.

"Melody." she hissed with a smile. "Oh, you, you....you strange symphony. You may not be useless anymore."

My eyes darkened and I faced away, annoyed.

Mapleshade never called me by my name anymore.

"Your clan is rising. Be loyal to it, as you always promised, give it strength again."

I hissed "BloodClan is no longer your affair, Mapleshade."

"Oh but it is, Liltingheart, it is." she hissed, her smile falling "Because it's not mine but YOURS!"

She clawed at me and I dodged all too easily.

"Hawkfrost, Tigerstar and I have a plan, you idiotic fool." she hissed. "And you're getting out of that stupid little cave, or I will carry you by your scruff like a little kit."

"Last time you had a plan I ENDED UP HERE!" I growled back "YOU CHANGED MY ANGER! I just wanted to avenge my mother, but then I was so alone, and you had a clan of your own too! I couldn't trust anyone, least of all yourself."

"I never told you I didn't have a clan." she said.

"YOU TOLD ME I'D SEE HER AGAIN!" I yowled back, tears forming in my eyes.

She lifted her head cruelly, knowing she had won.

"Pathetic." she hissed "I taught you not to trust a soul. I brought you to the clans. I let you unleash your anger. And you failed. And now here you are, crying, like a stupid kittypet."

A low growl built in my throat, but I was crying too hard for it to fully form.

"You WILL lead BloodClan again, you delusional fool. I will not allow anything else." she growled.

I lowered my head again.

A few minutes-or maybe an hour? I couldn't tell anymore, but a new scent assaulted my nose. It was sharp and tangy, but had the familiar scent of this place. This place with no light.

The second ghost that I had known, the one I summoned by living with a clan of my own after hearing Mapleshade talk of it.

The power of our first kill had been enough to make him form.

The first leader of BloodClan.

*Scrouge.*

## ***Chapter 8***

I looked the cat up and down. We both studied each other, hostility thickening the air until I one of us had to speak.

"Liltingheart." He said.

"Scrouge." I responded.

"It's....good....to see you." Scrouge said carefully.

I lashed my tail at this.

"Be honest. It's terrible to see you." I hissed angrily.

"Be mad at her, not me." He responded calmly, but his fur bristled.

I flicked my tail, twitching it, anger starting to fill me...but...I wasn't angry. No.

I felt empty.

Used.

Worn.

*Betrayed.*

I sighed, and stopped acting so hostile, slumping back and lying down, head in between my paws.

How long was it...where it wasn't so hard to be happy....

Years.

I sighed, and looked up at Scrouge.

"Go lead your clan, Liltingheart." He said softly. "You must lead your clan."

"It's not my clan anymore."

"Liltingheart-"

"It. Is. Not. My. Clan."

There was a silence. A pause.

"I. Lead them. To this. I am responsible. I refuse. REFUSE. To lead any more clans." I hissed "You weren't any better."

"It's not a clan if it's only two cats, Liltingheart." He said softly

"BUT I WAS HAPPY."

I lashed my tail and Scrouge opened his mouth to speak.

I got up, turned around, and faced away. This argument was *over.*

Scrouge got the hint and left, sighing to himself.

I was happy....I had been happy...

It seemed mental that it was once possible to feel happy without guilt.

Without shame.

Without feeling so...empty inside.

*"You're my best friend."*

*"Yeah."*

*Two scrawny toms in an alleyway. One was pure black. The other was chocolate and caramel-his markings made him pointed, with little fangs. Both had red eyes.*

*They were laughing.*

*They stumbled out the alleyway, into the sun, and strutted down the street. They walked and walked until they got to a certain lake. Surrounded by five clans.*

*They saw WindClan first, and spied on it, in awe of it-*

*Wishing maybe to join it to no longer be so alone.*

*But they had each other-and for now, it was enough.*

*I was the black cat....but now I see it from an outside perspective...*

*I miss you, old friend...*

## Chapter 9

I padded closer to the border than ever, letting the starlight soak up my troubles.

It was night already. Time passed so slowly...or so quickly in the place of no stars.

It was never quite right.

It always felt fundamentally wrong here.

The stars shifted and whispered as I let my untamed and matted fur cover up my eyes, becoming nothing but a shadow.

I stayed quiet. I just wanted the light.

I kept to myself.

The stars didn't push me back. They seemed to be aware that I didn't have any intention of harming them.

I fell asleep and pushed into something that was more a memory than a dream...

*"Vampireheart!" I called.*

*A caramel and chocolate pointed tom appeared from the shadows of the twoleg nest, holding two dead mice with a glint in his eye.*

*"Yefsh?" He said, mouth full*

*"Look! It's happening again!" I gestured down at the cats below our paws, visible up from the hill we were on. "They're going to the pool there! The island in the middle!"*

*"Hmmf...If wondef wshy." He said, before dropping the mice and eating one cheerfully.*

*"I think they do this every full moon." I said, flicking my tail towards the sky.*

*Vampireheart nodded. He was good with patterns.*

*"I see them fight sometimes when we go exploring, y'know? So it's weird they have some sort of...truce..."*

*"Hmm..." Vampireheart considered this before saying "Maybe they need to share important information? They do fight, but perhaps some are more allies. Or maybe to announce they need help to the other groups?"*

*I flicked my tail thoughtfully before saying I guess in a quiet way, watching the pelts of many colors flow like a river to the island. Red, orange, yellow, blue, gray, black, silver, white, and purple underneath the moon.*

*I walked over to Vampireheart and quietly ate my mouse as we watched the colors flow and move from up above, the two of us alone in the moonlight.*

*They turned and twisted as we curled up together, falling asleep underneath the stars...*

## ***Chapter 10 - Distant Thunder***

Boarpaw felt weird.

Not just because of the whispers about BloodClan's rise, but because there were whispers of other things from things that others couldn't see.

Oh, yes, he probably should mention he could see StarClan. Well not see...but hear...

Perhaps he should've chosen to be a medicine cat. But there were already two and...they had an apprentice already.

Besides. He *wanted* to fight for his clan. It was the *right thing* to do.

He was a warrior, wasn't he?

His warrior ceremony was within two months. But deep inside, he could feel it.

He was a warrior cat. The universe hummed this to him. It guided his paws up and out. He breathed in the moonlight. He had not been allowed to come to the gathering, and stayed behind with a few warriors, the elders, the kits, the queens, and the medicine cats.

The only other apprentice in this clan was at the gathering.

He sighed, feeling lonely. He slipped out from the apprentice den, making sure he went undetected as he snuck out. He sat just outside the entrance, tail twitching quietly as he breathed in.

*...what an idiot, standing right outside the clan, don't you think Bluestar?* said a snarky voice that snapped like tree branches, but was somehow graceful at the same time

*He's just unsafe. He's fine, I think. He seems smart.* This cat's voice was gentle and quiet, but still powerful. An eye of an ever burning storm.

A quiet pause.

They were watching him. He pretended not to notice them, and sniffed the air, a quiet scent of a mouse not too far away filling him with hunger.

*Were you ever this rebellious?* The second cat...Bluestar said

*Me? Yes, Bluestar. I was. More so even...*the she-cat chuckled *Don't give up little apprentice...fight for your clan...*

*Can he hear us?*

*Perhaps. His abilities are to be able to both detect us **and** the cats of the dark forest. They will come in full strength when he gets his warrior ceremony.*

*Will he be able to detect his clanmates' words from afar? And those of other clans?*

*Hollyleaf and Lionblaze said that would be imprudent. He just needs to detect those without any scent...us and those from the place of no stars.*

*He seems pragmatic and smart. He could handle it.*

*He could. But it is unnecessary. And I don't like you making powerful cats so often...*the she-cat paused *Say, have you made any I don't know of, Bluestar?*

I could practically hear Bluestar's sly smile.

*Perhaps...*

*Bluestar!*

Bluestar laughed.

*Come now, Yellowfang. Calm yourself.*

I heard footsteps fade away. Then a soft voice, right next to me.

*Alright you rebel. They're about to come back from the gathering.* Yellowfang said to me, and I jumped.

She chuckled.

*I knew you could hear us, you little troublemaker. Now go. Defend your clan, you little warrior.*

*A storm is coming...*

*Another day has passed*

## Entry 2

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Harold is gone currently.

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He does so every full moon.

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I'm a little lonely, operating the telescope tonight.

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Nothing out of the ordinary.

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Mars and Jupiter have aligned.

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It's wonderful-they are so bright in my telescope I wasn't able to see them well.

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I am not one who believes in foolish things like astrology or zodiacs, but it is certainly a sight to see.

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I would also like to record that finally, I saw a comet through the telescope that was just in sight. It still only looked like a blinding streak, but I'm not sure why I expected to really see it. My telescope is not professional, or particularly important.

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I am but a stargazer with some dreams.

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Maybe one day soon I'll go to collage and *really* study astronomy. I'd like to join NASA and such. But for now, I am an insolent 18 year old still in my senior year.

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I have applied though, to some places. I'm hoping this journal will get me somewhere...but it's likely I'll remain a dreamer.

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For now....

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