History of the universe

Presented for your viewing is an unadulterated history of the entire universe. We at the Reloaded Junk Wiki do not need citations for these events, as we lived through all of them via reincarnation, astral projection, and demonic possession. Dates are to be written in BC/AD, BCE/CE, BH/AH, AM, HE, BE, or any other timekeeping system you deem nessecary because fuck you we don't care.

## Pre-Universal Age

* **-5,678,526,235,526 BCE:** The last fuck was given.
* **Five minutes before the creation of the universe:** God puts a souffle in the oven but forgets to set a timer; five minutes later, it explodes, and the worst even in recorded history occurs.

## Pre-Historic Age

**660 MYA:** Evolution kicks into overdrive on God's DeviantArt account, and a bunch of fucked up looking OCs get made.

* **66 MYA:** Covid--66MYA begins in Wuhaennestoriana, East Pangæa, and starts a global pandemic that wipes out all the dinosaurs.
* **16,000 BCE:** The Squirrel from the Ice Age films is taken out of its misery.

## Ancient Age

* **6,600 BCE:** Yakub creates white people on the island of Patmos, the second worst move in all of recorded history.
* **2500 B.C.:** Gilgamesh mourns the death of his friend, Enkidu
* **600 BCE:** In India, Skydoesminecraft drops a sick mixtape and founds Budderism
* **30 BC:** Ankha, Queen of the Nile and the last Pharaoh of Egypt, jumps into a time machine and moves to Nimetondo in 1999
* **0 AD:** Jesus of Nazareth is born
* **0 AD:** Jesus of Flanders is born
* **476 AD:** Odoacer backstabs the leader of Rome and proceeds to dab on the Romans, ending the Ancient Era and beginning God's mid-life crisis.

## Middle Ages

* **666 CE:** Grandma has died.

* **666 CE:** The Kwikskop emerges from the heavens, acting as the canonical text to the Major Leauge Gaming community.
* **757 CE:** During the An Lushan rebellion in China, the Battle of Suiyang occurs. Due to a lack of rations, soldiers are instructed to resort to cannibalizing the locals. 20,000–30,000 civilians were eaten. What the f
* **1419 AD:**  Je Tsongkhapa drops a mixtape so fire he fucking dies
* **1492 CE:** Some Italian dude stubmles into the Americas while drunk one night trying to look for Chinese food, ending God's midlife crisis and beginning the Renaissance Age.

* **0 AD:** Jesus of Berlin is born

## Renaissance Age

* **Michaelangelo** draws dicks on the Vaitcan ceiling and gets away with it.
* **1521:** The Glorious Aztec empire, mere months away from achieveing FTL travel and immortality, is quashed by the Spanish empire because of infected blankets and glass beads.
* **16th century:** Chinese bureacrat Wan Hu becomes the first person to enter orbit, and his chair the first man-made object to do so, when he tries using fireworks to get on the Forbidden Palace's roof and hide out from the cops until his Wanted Level drops.
* **1776 AD:** A bunch of farmers get tired of paying taxes and form the United States, throwing the world into a series of dark ages and ending the Renaissance age.
* **0 AD:** Jesus of Moscow is born

## Rerenaissance Age

* **1859:** Charles Darwin draws some funny looking trees and endeds up bamboozling the entire scientific community for a hundred and fifty years.

**1862:** Abraham Lincoln abolishes slavery in the United States; Union and Western Pacific Railroad then re-invents it.

* **1867:** Karl Marx wonders why stuff cost money, gets frustrated, and creates a three-volume vent that indirectly results in the death of millions.
* **1914:** Some dude in Serbia fucking dies and starts a 'global war', ending the Rerenaissance Age.
* **0 AD:** Jesus of Miami is born

## Rerererenaissance Age

* **1922 AD:** The Soviet Onion is formed, becoming the world's first shitpost nation and encompassing a quater of the globe's landmass.
* **1945 AD:** After several failed assasination attempts from time travelers, Adolf Hitler hides in a bunker like a little bitch and offs himself with his milf wife in private; the United States drops the first atomic bomb onto Japan and accidentally invents hentai. This ends the Rerererenaissance Age.
* **0 AD:** Jesus of Saint Petersburg is born

## Rererenaissance Remastered Deluxe Edition Age

* **1957:** Charles Braun, Soviet citizen, kicks a fucked up looking football so hard into the air it becomes the second man-made object in orbit, scaring the United States shitless.
* **1991 CE:** The Soviet Onion falls down the stairs and dies Christmas morning, beginning the Modern Age.
* **0 AD:** Jesus of Mexico City is born

## Modern Age

* **2004:** INTERPOL-renouned menace Cringe Ass Nae-Mae Baby is shot in broad daylight in Miami.
* **2012:** Several Mayan time travelers attempt to end the world to prevent our continued pain and suffering, but fail to do so; at the bequest of the Westboro Baptist Church, evolution is banned from existence.
* **2014:** The MLG Community rises into global dominance.
* **2016:** The V-word is banned from existence, leaving millions of degenerates deprived of enjoyment.
* **2022:** The V-word is un-banned from existence, resulting in the complete destruction of Japanese and American society.
* **0 AD:** Jesus of Brazil is born

## Postmodern Age

* **Time itself** ceases to be relevant as **God** and **Society** are asked to leave the room.
* **Communism** is finally achieved.

* **0 AD:** Jesus of Washington is born.

## Postpostmodern Age

* **The Postpostmodern Age** is without description.
* **The Proton** decays.
* Having eaten its fill, **the Ouborous** stops eating its tail and phases out of existence. be
* **0 AD:** Jesus of Arstotska is born.