Donut Unto Others

Donut Unto Others is a 22nd episode of the season 1 of Candifloss. that airdate for December 15, 2013, It is based off of the Homestar Runner short of the same name

## Summary

Candifloss opens a doughnut shop, but faces problems with Pinkshimmer16, who has his own business.

## Transcript

#### Candifloss Needed More Donuts Today

*{Candifloss is seen cutting out dough rings. Kletom enters}*

**KLETOM:** What the…Candifloss why the souls of devil are you making doughnuts?

**CANDIFLOSS:** C'mon Kletom. You know how I've always dreamed of bein’ my own boss at the doughnut factory!

**KLETOM:** *{looking annoyed}* No, since when?

**CANDIFLOSS:** Why, just last night! *{Clouds fill the screen, then recede to the edges. A scene depicting Warrior’s dream is shown. He is seen with a Canadian flag on his funnel, next to a high-jumping pit. He has a leg}{voiceover}* I dreamt that I was a German long-jump champion with eight wooden legs!

**KLETOM:** And...that made you want to start a doughnut shop?

**CANDIFLOSS:** Yes sir! Like I said, it's a boyhood dream of mine. Could ya pass me that recipe?

**KLETOM:** *{Picks up a small note}* There's just this square of TP that says... *{cut to a close-up of the note}* "No Garbage Today” on it.

**CANDIFLOSS:** Yeah, yeah. That's it. My secret recipe.

**KLETOM:** *{Sighs}* I'm gonna go talk to anyone else but you...

#### Candifloss Have a Dount Stand

*{Cut to The Keyside. Candifloss is in a makeshift doughnut stand formed from a large barge marked "Do-Nots" with a window on top of it. A fat fryer can be seen bubbling behind the window.}*

**CANDIFLOSS:** I honestly wonder how many million doughnuts I'll sell on my first day. Three? Four? Eight? I've gotta be ready for the 3:09 p.m. doughnut rush, you know? Ooh, here it comes.

*{Pinksimmer16, with a red face and an exceptionally furious expression, enters from the right. As he speaks, cartoon smoke clouds emit from his head.}*

**PINKSHIMMER16:** *{with forced restraint}* Well, hello, Candifloss!

**CANDIFLOSS:** Hey there, doughnut rush. What can I get for ya?

**PINKSHIMMER16:** *{continuing his forced restraint}* It's really great to very see you, Candifloss

**CANDIFLOSS:** *{nervous}* Umm... it's good to see you, too, I guess.

*{As Pinkshimmer16 says the following, we cut to a shot revealing that Warrior's barge is right next to Pinkshimmer16's, facing it.}*

**PINKSHIMMER16:** I'm *delighted* you've decided to set up shop about *ten feet away* from me!

*{cut back to Candifloss and Pinkshimmer16}*

**CANDIFLOSS:** Yeah, we could be a conglomerate, like KFC-Taco Bell-Radisson-Texas Instruments-NASA!

**MIST566:** *{randomly appears from out of nowhere}* Candifloss, half of those companies won’t be founded for the next fifty years! You’ve created a time paradox!

**PINKSHIMMER16:** Yes! That is a really *{fire comes out of his eyes }* outstanding ideeeaaaa!

**CANDIFLOSS:** Um, Pinkshimmer16? Are we havn’ a fight?

*{as Pinkshimmer16 speaks, his face slowly returns to its normal color}*

**PINKSHIMMER16:** *{slightly calmer}* What do you think, you idiot?! You opened up a competing doughnut place right across the street from me!

*{zooms out to the gap between the stores. Note that there is no street, but a harbor}*

**CANDIFLOSS:** *{examining the water between the two stands}* The street?

**PINKSHIMMER16:** Right across the way from me!

**CANDIFLOSS:** But I thought you were sellin’ questionable medical coverage.
*{Cut to a close-up of Pinkshimmer16, with his barge visible in the background with a sign "Why not Donuts?" on it.}*

**PINKSHIMMER16:** That was two hours ago. *{changes to his normal expression, now speaking normally}* Now I'm in the doughnut bidness. *{with a straight line eyebrow}* How's that coverage working out for you, by the way?

*{Cut back to the two and the barge.}*

**CANDIFLOSS:** *{a big stack of paperwork is on his deck }* Great so far!

**PINKSHIMMER16:** *{back to an angry face}* I gotta get ready for the big 3:09 p.m. doughnut rush. When next we meet, 'twill be on the doughnut field of battle! *{Cut to a silhouette of the scene. Pinkshimmer16 marches to his stand imitating a military drum cadence}* Dubba dup dup dup, dubba dup dup dup, dubba dup dup da daa ba dup dup dup!

*{Cut to a shot of a clock that strikes 3:09. Cut back to a shot of the two stands. 123LoveLost comes in via a nearby railway track.}*

**123LOVELOST:** All right, gentlemen, here's how this is gonna go down. I need fried dough so bad it hurts! According to the data I got back from my train doctor, *{pan to show his truck is full of paperwork }* we're gonna need in the 3 to 8 million range to maintain my caloric intake. Now, commence marketing bombardment!

**CANDIFLOSS:** Mine's is homemade! *{holds up a spoon with some doughnut batter and a few hairs on it}*

**PINKSHIMMER16:** Mine's is shipped from a 3rd world country named Homemáde, so I can legally print "From Homemade" on the prepackaged package. *{ a package of his doughnuts that says "FROM HOMEMÁDE! Is on his deck"}*

**CANDIFLOSS:** I've got grit, gumption, and an adorable South London accent.

*{123LoveLost pops his dome up in surprise and turns to see an angry Pinkshimmer16.}*

**PINKSHIMMER16:** My name is Pinkshimmer16, I talk hard and fast.

**CANDIFLOSS:** Available in 57 different varieties!

**PINKSHIMMER16:** One flavor *{the word "regular" appears above his head}*, over a hundred different names for it! *{various names that all are variations of "regular" appear around Pinkshimmer16}*

**CANDIFLOSS:** *{holds up a newspaper}* Lily Lightship raves "Hey! Get outta my face , you!"

**PINKSHIMMER16:** *{cut to a shot of a box of toothpaste labeled "Pinkshimmer16' Donuts!"; as he says each descriptions, it appears onscreen}* Fights cavities! Cleans Teeth! *{A cartoon Pinkshimmer16 appears in the bottom right corner, bearing the following message in a speech bubble}* The American Dental Association does not approve the preceding statements.

**123LOVELOST:** All right, all right, all right. You both make excellent cases, but I've come to my decision.

**PINKSHIMMER16:** *{alarmed}* Health Inspector! Cheese it, everyone!

*{Pinkshimmer16 leaves with his barge}*

**123LOVELOST:** Yikes! *{he disappears down the line}*

*{Theyashd, in silhouette, is seen coming up and walks towards Warrior with a clipboard nailed to his side.}*

**CANDIFLOSS:** Hey potential customer, would you like several million doughnuts?

**THEYASHD:** No. I don't want *one*.

*{Candifloss takes the swab and rubs it on the fat fryer.}*

**THEYASHD:** I'm the health inspector, here to hopefully shut you down. Now please rub this swab under your grease trap and bring it back.

**CANDIFLOSS:** Yes sir, Inspector Heath! *{Candifloss starts humming the theme to Inspector Gadget}*

**THEYASHED:** *{To himself}* ...And we'll do a little *{rolls the l}* bit of *this*! *{Theyashd bashes into Candifloss’s barge, knocking both it and it’s owner into Dender Rocks. The barge is smashed, Candifloss is beached, and covered in grease.}*

**CANDIFLOSS:** Ah! My face!

**THEYASHD:** *{laughs and goes away}*

**CANDIFLOSS:** My delicious fried face! Pinkshimmer16, is this covered by my questionable medical coverage? At least questionably so? Pinkshimmer16?

*{Cut to a long shot of both barges in silhouette. Pinkshimmer16 comes back into view with his barge and is seen sneaking away.}*

**PINKSHIMMER16:** *{to the tune of "Mysterioso Pizzicato"}* Root, root, root, root, doodloodloodloodloodloo, doot doot doot doo...

*{A circle of "ends" appears, the top of which is pink.'}*