Episode 412 - NASCAR

Not going to beat around the bush here – we do some bad choice making on this episode. But I’m sure it will be fine. Or really bad. Who knows… probably fine. Probably.

## **Story**

### Long Story

The gang, (plus Lady Adira Harper) investigates Bigby's lab, making special note of a map of the planes of The Multiverse in the form of an Astrolabe. Toby recognizes the map, and sees that in each section of all the planes there is a tuning fork aligned to that plane. These are reagents necessary to teleport to those planes. Toby marks each fork to note which plane it is aligned to.

Two forks are missing: Mt. Celestia (Where Bahamut is from) and The Abyss (where Caer is now).

Toby investigates further, and finds Bigby's bedroom with a hand shaped bed, his glovoire (glove-shaped armoire), and basically ransacks his living space for reagents and embarrassing failed spells. Unfortunately they find a crude nude drawing of River Grey, which steels Rowan Grey's resolve to kill Bigby.

Nika haggles with Michael to get the 1994 NASCAR cup, deciding to use it to hold mayonnaise. NASCAR means **"North Arkensaw Southern Cleric Arm Rasslin'"**.

Toby, Rowan, Lahni, and presumably Skud Derringer, finally smash the remaining clone tanks, destroying the clones of Bigby, Celtra Wimblepuck, and Trant Thumble. Toby saws off the clones hands to make future scrying easier, and consults Celtra's soul to make sure they stole everything of value, but she has nothing worthwhile to add. They get a Greatsword of Life Stealing from Thom's body.

While the others are investigating, and Toby is sawing off hands, Rowan has a conversation with Toby, checking in to "see if [he's] cool". Toby reassures Rowan that what he did was utilitarian, not immoral, and relatively painless. Rowan expresses some trepidation and discomfort with the fact that she herself has killed many people before, including the The Ballista Twins.

The gang blows up Bigby's lab and leaves Bigby's Realm to return to The Tower of Grey's main office (The Tower of Gray) in Greenham.

When they arrive, they find that Rake has prepared baths for them. They all bathe in one room together, in separate tubs (like a dick pills commercial) with candles and oils for anointing. They each have unique bath waters. Lahni's bath is rather like Egg Drop Soup, and she drinks the bath water even as Toby says she shouldn't (because she is drinking soap). Skud's bath is full of seaweed, coconut and pineapple, and ocean type things. Toby's bath is heavily scented to cover his Vecna smell. Rowan's is unspecified.

After bathing, the crew chills in the conversation pit in robes with hot cocoa and fireball whiskey. They are painting their toenails together, and taking a long rest while Toby interrogates the clone of Thom Vidalis's soul. Toby asks when Thom was made, and Thom replies that he was made by Celtra Wimblepuck from a piece of Thom Vidalis's meat. This Thom was the only success in her cloning efforts. This is all Thom knew. Then, Toby interrogates Celtra Wimblepuck, asking how she made Not-Thom. She says she purchased Thom's meat from an exclusive shady vendor. Toby digs further, and Celtra says she got it from the Dark Web, a network Toby suggests is sustained by Lolth. Toby asks where she and her clones came from, and she says that she came from Mt. Celestia when the Intruder Alert went off. She claims that her team was there to kill Bahamut, and that they succeeded just as she, Celtra Etc, and Not-Thom teleported to Bigby's Realm.

Rowan doubts that killing the gods is a bad thing. Toby continues interrogating Celtra, trying to figure out Trant Thumble's weaknesses. His weakness, she says, is that he is overconfident. She says that once Tiamat is dead, he will return to Caer, and that while he is working with Tiamat he fully intends to betray her.

Toby calls Kate Aurochs on her sending stone, in a beeper style, informing her that her boss Tiamat is going to be killed by Trant, if he hasn't already killed her. She makes him wait for a bit, before responding that she did not answer Tiamat's summons, and is not wherever Tiamat is. Toby suggests that she ought to warn her allies that Trant is a betrayer, and Kate insists that her boss sucks and has created a bad working environment. Kate wonders if Trant has already betrayed her, in which case Kate has just gotten a promotion.

They wish that they could have asked Celtra who Trant is targeting next, but they wasted too much time and Celtra's soul fades before they could ask.

Toby wonders, as he fixes a charcuterie board and complicated cocktails, if Tiamat might be alive if they had only acted with more speed instead of taking edible gummies, a long rest, and watching the Drunkeros Office. Rowan assures him, while drinking from a crazy straw, that she might, but it's fine because they are just people and can't do everything perfectly. They have a hard time defining themselves, because they are not humans, and they are not all mortal, or even non-gods. Still, they decide that being fallible is forgivable.

They check their Enemy Relationship Manager that was set up with Frank's help, and look through their company's files to get a hold on their situation.

Lahni volunteers to help by praying to Orcus and consult his understanding and knowledge. The gang prepares to put Lahni out of her mortal coil if Orcus takes her body over, which Lahni hates, so they decide to leave The Tower of Grey and go to a picnic destination outside of Greenham. Lahni meditates and wakes the soul of Orcus inside her with friendly conversation. The soul awakens, and wells up inside her. She relaxes the sphincter of her spirit the slightest bit, but fails the roll necessary to contain the chaotic evil god-energy. She realizes that the power inside her is not Orcus, but rather a identity-less evil chaotic energy. As a result of her failure, she triples in size and is filled with murderous rage.

### Short

The Tower of Grey investigates/ransacks Bigby's Realm, finding tuning forks aligned to every realm except Mt Celestia and The Abyss. They interrogate Celtra and Clone Thom's souls, learning that Bahamut is dead (probably) and Tiamat is next. After destroying the clone tanks and blowing up Bigby and Celtra's lab, the gang takes a long rest in their main office in Greenham. After a long rest, a call with Kate Aurochs, and strategizing, they take a stroll outside of Greenham so that Lahni can interrogate the soul of Orcus that resides inside her. However, she fails the wisdom save necessary to contain the evil power, and "hulks out", growing large and being consumed by a murderous fury.

## *Trivia*

* This episode was written by Hugo! And then I, MisterRed, came through and made some minor adjustments. Thanks, Hugo!
* Bachmann missed this episode because he was building a deck under the light of a cursed star, to open a portal (in real life)
* Toby stinks. He smells like ozone, tires, and burnt hair. So compensate, he anoints himself with fragrant oils.

## **In This Episode...**

### **Cast and Player Characters**

* Michael DiMauro - *Dungeon Master*
* Tim Lanning - Toby Treacletart
* Jennifer Cheek - Rowan Grey
* Nika Howard - Lahnik "Lahni" Caplain

### **Non-Player Characters**

* Celtra Wimblepuck's soul
* Lady Adira Harper
* Rake
* Skud Derringer
* A clone of Thom Vidalis's soul
* Kate Aurochs
* Orcus?

### **Pets and Familiars**

* Hoby (not mentioned but you can assume he is there)

### **Locations**

* Bigby's Realm
	+ Bigby's Tower
* Drunkeros
	+ Greenham
		- The Tower of Gray

### **Quest Log Updates**

* [On-Hold] - Stop Tiamat / The BBEG!
* [On-Hold] - Destroy The Artifact!
	+ [On-Hold] - Find Trant Thumble
* [Active] - Find Bigby
	+ [Complete] - ~~Search Bigby's Realm~~
	+ [NEW][Active] - Stop Big Lahni!
* [???][Jaeludra] - Help Yazdir Dosh fight off Tiamat's forces at Mount Celestia

### **Quotes**

* **"First of all, no I didn't!"** ~ *Tim Lanning*

* **"Yeah, he got strong, 'cause he did a pact with the devil!"** ~ *Jennifer Cheek*

## **Rolls**

* **Recap**
	+ **Nika - 7**
	+ Tim - 3
	+ Jennifer - 5

* **Toby** rolls Arcana to investigate the Astrolabe - 28
	+ Success - He recognizes it as a map of The Multiverse

* **Toby** rolls *Investigation* to look around the lab - 18
	+ He is able to find Bigby's private chambers

* **Lahni** makes a WIS Saving Throw to allow Orcus in (with disadvantage) - 6 + 11
	+ Fails? - She does get to commune with Orcus, but it's not Orcus, and also, it takes over her body?