SpongeBob SquarePants: Fear of a Krabby Patty (Home Video) Episodes DVD 2005

05/24/2005

(TV Show Release)

## Chapter 1: SpongeBob SquarePants Theme Song/Fear of a Krabby Patty

Are you ready, kids?

KIDS:

Aye, aye, Captain!

I can’t hear you!

Aye, aye, Captain!

♪ Oh… ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple

under the sea? ♪

SpongeBob SquarePants!

♪ Absorbent and yellow

and porous is he ♪

SpongeBob SquarePants!

♪ If nautical nonsense

be something you wish ♪

SpongeBob SquarePants!

♪ Then drop on the deck

and flop like a fish ♪

SpongeBob SquarePants!

Ready?

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪

♪ SpongeBob SquarePants. ♪

( Captain laughing )

SpongeBob

SQuarePaNtS

( piccolo playing )

created by

Stephen Hillenburg

( seagulls chirping )

FEAR

oF A

KRaBBy PaTty

storyboard director

C.H. Greenblatt

storyboard artist

Zeus Cervas

written by

C.H. Greenblatt

Paul Tibbitt

supervising producer

Paul Tibbitt

technical director

Vincent Waller

animation director

Alan Smart

( bubbling )

( humming )

Finished at last!

What do you boys think

of me masterpiece?

( SpongeBob reads sign )

What!

That is totally unfair!

Squidward’s right,

that’s totally unfair!

Couldn’t we get to work

earlier than 6:00 a.m.?

Like 5:30 a.m.?

Or 5:00 a.m.?

Or 4:00 a.m.?

Zip it.

What the…?

The Chum Bucket open 23 hours!

So, that little piece

of flaxen plankton

thinks he can stay open

longer than me, does he?

Sure. I don’t know.

Why not?

Well, he’s wrong! Oh, okay, sure.

As of now, the Krusty Krab

is open 24 hours!

Did you hear that,

Squidward?

We get to keep working

and working and working

without ever

having to go home.

I got to pinch myself

‘cause I must be dreaming.

Ow!

Ow!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ow…!

Ow!

Well, I’m not dreaming.

Open 24 hours, eh?

( chuckles ):

I knew he couldn’t resist

staying open later than me.

My evil plan

is working perfectly.

He’ll run his employees

into the ground,

and when SpongeBob’s mind

finally cracks from exhaustion,

I’ll get him to tell me

the secret Krabby Patty formula!

( evil laughter )

( stops laughing )

Why aren’t you laughing?

I’ve heard

this joke before.

KRABS:

All right, everybody!

The Krusty Krab is

entering day three

of nonstop service!

Let’s give it up

for day three!

Yee-haw!

Day three!

Krabby Patty, I don’t care

If we have to stay open

Till the day after

The end of time.

As long as I’m with you,

I’m complete.

Day ten of nonstop service!

Mr. Krabs, can

I go home yet?

No one goes home!

Look at these bags

under my eyes.

Even my bags have bags.

( screaming )

Quit your bellyaching,

Squidward.

You don’t hear SpongeBob

complaining, do you?

♪ K-R-A-B-B-Y P-A-T-T-Y,

says I. ♪

You can learn a few

things from that boy.

Mr. Krabs, he is not normal.

( kissing moans )

All right, you can sit

down for five minutes.

Then it’s back to work!

( loud thump )

Drat! He’s not collapsing

from exhaustion!

But with a little more pressure,

the Sponge will crack

like an egg.

Then I’ll be there to feast on

The goo on his shattered psyche.

( slurping )

( evil laughter )

Ew! A spider bug.

( groans )

Now, come on.

Krusty Krab!

The restaurant

that never closes.

You’d like to place an order?

10,000 Krabby Patties?

We’ll start your order

right away, Mr., uh, uh…

What was that name again?

Uh-huh. Peter Lankton.

Wait a minute.

This isn’t some kind of prank,

is it?

Uh… no.

Good. We’ll call you when

it’s ready, Mr. Lankton.

Kick it into high gear!

We got a big order!

I’m counting on you, boy!

I need you to raise

that spatular!

Yeah!

And I need you to say

“Team Krusty Krab!”

Team Krusty Krab!

That’s me boy.

Now, make me

10,000 patties!

And no breaks.

Whoo-hoo! Did you

hear that, spatula?

You, me and 10,000

Krabby Patties.

And the best part?

No breaks.

Wow!

Day 15!

Give it up for day 15!

♪ K-R-A-B-B-Y P-A-T-T-Y… ♪

( evil laughter )

One thousand,

Three hundred, twenty…

Day 23!

Give it up for day 23!

6,654…

KRABS:

Day 30!

SPONGEBOB:

7,121…

( evil laughter )

8,659…

Wait, what’s going on?

Whoa! Whoa!

Day…

Anyone know

how many days it’s been?

I lost track.

Forty-three.

( gasps )

What the flimflam?!

What are you doing

in here, boy?

You’re wasting

all me food.

Boy?

Oh! Oh-oh-oh!

Oh…

Oh, hey, Mr. Krabs.

When did you get in here?

Boy, I’m worried that…

( muffled talking )

Got it?

I’m sorry, Mr. Krabs.

Uh, could you run that

by me again?

Sure, I said,

I’m worried that…

( muffled talking )

That’s what I thought

you said.

Now, let me offer this

as a rebuttal.

( screaming )

Stay back! I’m warning you!

All right,

now you’re just acting silly.

I want you to…

( muffled talking )

No! Don’t eat me!

I’m too chewy! ( screaming )

( gasping )

Holy shrimp!

They’re everywhere!

( screaming )

( muffled ):

What?

( screams )

( screams )

( screams )

( screams )

( screams )

I told you that

shirt was hideous.

( screams )

No, no! I want to live!

I want to live!

Mr. Krabs…

what’s going on?

Everywhere I look, I see

killer Krabby Patties.

There, there.

I’m sure it’s nothing

that getting back

to work won’t solve.

Here’s your spatular.

Spatular.

And here’s the grill.

Grill.

And here are some

fresh Krabby…

( screaming )

( continues screaming )

Hmm, there may be

a problem after all.

What does this mean?

It means there’s something

Wrong with your head.

Look, I think maybe

you should see a professional.

No! A psychiatrist. Wrestler?

Oh, but where am I gonna

find a psychiatrist…

Ow!

Hey, look at this.

( SpongeBob reads )

Gosh, I don’t know

about this, Mr. Krabs.

Wouldn’t I have to miss

work if I went to see…

( screams )

Well, this looks like the place.

Uh, hello? Doctor?

Come in,

Mr. SquarePants.

Please, have a seat

on the couch.

Now… ( chuckles )

let’s unload

all that harmful information

in your little yellow head.

You’re a bit smaller

than I imagined, Doctor.

But I guess that’s why

they call you a shrink.

( laughs, then

clears throat )

Do you think there’s hope

for me, Doctor?

Hope? Hope!? When I get

my hands on that formula,

there won’t be any hope

for any of you.

( laughs )

( clears throat ):

Yeah, I mean…

you’ll be cured in no time.

Oh, good.

Let’s start with

a simple exercise.

Jumping jacks?

I want you to close your eyes.

Tighter.

Tighter.

Too tight!

Now, tell me what you see.

I see giant

Krabby Patties.

Good! And what are they made of?

Hatred!

No, I mean ingredients.

What are the stinking

ingredients?!

They’re coming for me.

No! No! No!

Stay back!

Wait, where’d you get

that piano?

( groans )

We’re trying

something else.

I’m going to say a word,

and I want you to say

the first word

that pops into your head.

Ready?

I’m ready!

Work.

Work.

Spatula.

Spatula.

Bun. Bun.

See, the key is

to say something

different than what I say.

Oh, okay, I got it.

Potato.

Po-tah-to.

Tomato.

To-mah-to.

I’ve laid out some words

on cards here.

These words are

common kitchen ingredients.

I want you to arrange them

in any order you choose.

It could be a poem

or a secret formula,

I don’t know– oh, yes!

A secret formula, good.

Let’s do that.

Um, you’re making

me nervous.

Oh, okay.

I’ll be over here, then.

I’m finished!

I arranged them

into a piano.

( loud crash )

Since your mind

has been resistant

to every mental technique

so far,

I’m forced to resort

to my most powerful method

of curing you.

Fiber?

No. Hypnosis.

Hypnosis?!

Now, keep your eyes

on this watch.

When I count to three,

you will fall into a deep sleep.

One…

uh, two…

uh, three.

( snoring )

I can’t believe it worked.

Now, when I snap my fingers,

you will awake

and tell me the formula.

( snaps fingers )

( snaps fingers quickly )

Hey… wake up!

( snoring continues )

( cymbals clash )

Hmm, what else is

loud and obnoxious?

( cell phone plays

electronic melody )

Why won’t you wake up?!

♪ La, la, la, la, la,

la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪

( screams )

( roaring )

Where am I?

( SpongeBob whimpering )

( slurping, growling )

Hey, SpongeBob, I heard

your brain was sick

so I brought you

this cookie pizza.

Gee, thanks.

And here’s some

chocolate milk.

The king

of flavored dairy drinks!

Oh, Krabby Patty,

I’m so glad

we’re friends again.

Just remember, SpongeBob,

I’ll always be with you,

In my heart? right here.

Actually, in

your arteries.

Now, do me a favor

and wake up.

Wake up.

Wake up…!

( groaning, yawning )

It worked! I’m cured!

But what about the formula?

Oh, you’re right!

I better get

back to work!

Thanks for everything, Doc!

No! It’s a lie!

Therapy doesn’t really work!

You’re still sick!

Very, very sick!

Good to see your brain’s

all fixed, boy.

Yeah, I just needed

some sleep is all.

Well, I can safely say,

no more 24-hour shifts…

‘cause 23 hours’ll be plenty.

( laughing )

( laughing ):

Aw, Mr. Krab…

( laughing )

No, seriously.

Get back to work!

## Chapter 2: Shell of a Man

SHELL

Of A MaN

storyboard directors

Mike Bell

Vincent Waller

storyboard artists

Zeus Cervas

Brad Vandergrift

written by

Mike Bell

Paul Tibbitt

supervising producer

Paul Tibbitt

technical director

Vincent Waller

animation director

Tom Yasumi

Easy…

Perfection.

Is number five’s order

ready yet, SpongeBob?

Just a second, Squidward.

Well, Krabby Patty,

it’s time for you to go now.

You grew up so fast.

I…

( crying ):

I promised myself

I wouldn’t do this.

Just take it, Squidward.

Take it away.

Oh, brother.

Number five.

Number five.

That’s me.

Mmm. My compliments

to the chef.

( laughing )

Hello?

What’s this?

( gasps )

Come out here, boy!

( flies buzzing )

Mr. Krabs?

Whoa!

Hush, boy. Or you’ll give away

your location of me hidey hole.

What’s a hidey hole?

It’s where

I hide me treasure.

Whoa!

Catch!

Let’s get that chest

to me office, boy, pronto!

What’s in this thing?

Treasure?

A treasure trove of sorts.

It’s me memory chest,

from my years in the navy.

Why’d you dig up

your navy chest, sir?

Well, me navy buddies

and I are having a reunion.

I wanted to wear

me old uniform.

Wow, look at all

your cool navy stuff.

Arrgh! What’s that?

It’s me first tattoo.

Neat.

And this is me

manly toughness trophy.

How’d you win that?

By being the toughest

of the tough.

Wow! Ooh, ooh,

who are those guys?

Me shipmates.

The toughest bunch

to ever sail the briny deep.

There’s old Iron Eye

and Mutton Chop, me,

Torpedo Belly

and Lockjaw Jones.

Did you have

a cool nickname,

Mr. Krabs?

Of course!

I was old Armor Abs Krabs.

You were?

What do you mean?

Well, I guess you

were thinner back then.

Oh, really?

This is me

navy cadet uniform.

Prepare to eat your words,

‘Cause I haven’t

put on more…

than a… couple

of… pounds.

( shirt ripping sound )

Okay, maybe I’m a bit bigger,

but I’m still the toughest

of the tough.

Go ahead, lad,

give ‘em a punch.

You want me to punch

you in the stomach?

Not in the stomach, lad,

in me armor abs.

( clunk )

Wow.

My entire arm

disintegrated!

I still got it.

Be a good lad, go get

your station in shipshape,

and leave an old sea dog

to revel in his memories.

Aye, aye, sir.

All right!

Let’s get this place,

shipshape!

You, men,

stop playing around!

To battle stations!

All hands on deck!

( bosun’s whistle blowing )

That calls for full flavor!

Ketchup and mustard

off the port bow!

One Krabby Patty

ready to set sail!

KRABS:

No!!

Oh, Mr. Krabs.

Huh, Mr. Krabs?

Hello?

Mr. Krabs?

You all right?

Are you sleepy?

( gasps )

Mr. Krabs!

sniffing )

I don’t smell his pulse.

What’s that?

( muffled moaning )

Is somebody there?

( moaning )

Don’t look at me.

Mr. Krabs.

Leave me be.

You’re alive!

And… naked.

( crying ):

It’s true.

I’ve molted.

What’s “molted”?

It’s when a crab

gets too fat–

uh, well–

outgrows his shell.

It falls off.

Wow!

Armor Abs Krabs can’t show up

at the reunion like this.

All pink and soft

and unmanly.

I’m all flab and no ab!

( sobbing )

Barnacles!

SpongeBob!

Sorry about the

foul language,

Mr. Krabs,

But you’re acting like there

never was a man in that shell.

The Krabs

of his navy days was fearless.

He wouldn’t let something

as insignificant

as a missing shell

slow him down.

Yeah.

Who cares how silly,

pink and fleshy you look?

How non-threatening,

limp, and soggy you are…

( sobbing )

How… Oops.

I can’t go anywhere ever again.

Stupid, no good…

( screaming )

( screaming )

( sustained screaming )

Wow, it sure is dark in here.

( straining )

Look, Mr. Krabs– I’m you.

SpongeBob, you’re a genius.

Well, I’m glad you got my point.

It’s not about

What’s on the outside.

It’s what’s on the inside.

No, you barnacle brain.

Not your silly metaphor;

you, in me shell.

It gives me an idea.

You can go to the reunion

and pretend to be me.

I get to be a navy buddy?

Of course you’ll need

some time

to approximate

me personality.

Oh, that’ll be a snap.

Squidward and I

have been doing it

behind your

back for years.

All right, show me what you got.

( imitating Krabs ):

Look at me. I’m Mr. Krabs.

I love money.

Say, that ain’t half bad.

I once won a marathon

because someone dropped

a penny at the finish line.

That’s me.

Every night, I tuck me wallet in

and tell it a bedtime story.

Good night, wallety.

Yeah, okay, I get the point.

Oh, what’s that you say?

Me daughter Pearl needs

an operation?

I’ll do it meself

and save a nickel.

( cackling )

That’ll do, SpongeBob.

Well, here goes…

Wow.

SPONGEBOB:

I’ve never seen

so many manly naval men.

So tough, so brave,

so… clever.

And I’m one of them.

No, you’re not.

Don’t blow this

for me, SpongeBob.

I won’t let you down, sir.

Armor

Abs Krabs,

come join your old

naval buddies in a toast.

Coming!

Oh, what have I done?

Okay, boys, let the S.S. Party

drop anchor right here.

( cheering )

I’ve created a monster.

Here’s some grog.

You still like

pineapple, right?

Like pineapple?

I live in one.

( laughing )

That old Krabs

is as manly as ever.

I don’t believe it.

SpongeBob is pulling it off.

Hey, Armor Abs,

old Iron Eye here

has been itching to punch

your legendary gut.

Well, if you think

you’re man enough…

Uh-oh, this could be bad.

Fire the torpedo.

( birds chirping )

What do you say, Krabs?

Just like old times.

A tooth?

Teeth.

Now, that’s manly.

( crowd gasping )

( cheering )

He did it.

( feedback squeal )

All right, me swabbies,

it’s time to award the trophy

of manly toughness

to a man whose toughness has

stood the test of time.

That man is

Eugene Armor Abs Krabs!

Hey, come up here, Krabs.

This is the best night

of me life.

KRABS:

Me naval buddies still

think I’m manly.

( all chanting ):

Armor Abs!

And I didn’t have

to shame myself.

Thanks for the trophy,

everybody.

( cackling )

( chanting ):

Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech!

I… I…

Say something.

Let me spin you a manly yarn.

Attaboy.

So there I was,

in Jellyfish Fields…

I’m doomed.

Me supply of bubble soap

was dangerously low.

And as I blew my last bubble…

Did he say

Jellyfish Fields?

Blowing bubbles?

Uh, what were you doing

in Jellyfish Fields?

Why, jellyfishing, of course.

ALL:

Huh?!

Uh… uh, phone call

for Mr. Krabs!

Get off the stage.

Oh, uh, well,

I gotta go. Thanks.

Where do you think

you’re going?

Everybody knows

there’s two things

old Armor Abs Krabs

would never do.

Oh, no.

Number one is

spend a penny.

And the other one is leave

without getting

old Torpedo Belly

one of your world-famous

steely belly butts.

( laughing )

( with own voice ):

Oh, I thought you’d

seen through my ruse.

( imitating Krabs ):

I mean, arrgh!

You didn’t think

I was just gonna collect

this here trophy

of manly toughness

without reminding

yous lily-livers

why you give it to me

in the first place?

Let’s have at it.

No holding back.

Give it your all.

I can’t watch.

( yelling )

Armor Abs?

( grunting and groaning )

( yelling )

Ow!

( rattling )

Well, uh, I-I-I-I-I-I…

I guess I’ll just take

my manly toughness trophy

and head home now.

Uh… see you around

Manville, boys… men.

No!!

He’s not Eugene Krabs.

I am.

( gasps )

All right, lads.

Take a good look.

This is who I am.

I’ve molted me shell

and I’m… vulnerable.

( sobbing )

But I’m certainly

no bubble-blowing jellyfisher.

No offense, SpongeBob.

None taken, Mr. Krabs.

Come on, lad.

Let’s go home.

Wait a minute.

You’ve forgotten something.

I don’t understand.

Admitting you lost

your shell

was the toughest thing

I’ve ever seen.

And, uh, I have

a confession.

These are fake!

Wha…?! What?!

Over here.

KRABS:

You too,

Torpedo Belly?

Actually, I had my torpedo

removed long ago.

And these aren’t the same

choppers that I had in the navy.

My iron eye is

actually made of Formica.

( all laughing )

Look at that, Mr. Krabs.

Your navy buddies all had

something to hide.

Yeah, poor suckers.

At least my shell

will grow back.

( cackling )

( both laughing )

## Chapter 3: Arrgh!

Arrgh!

storyboard director

Sherm Cohen

storyboard artist

Vincent Waller

written by

Sherm Cohen

Vincent Waller

Merriwether Williams

animation director

Sean Dempsey

creative director

Derek Drymon

Where can they be?

They should have been here

hours ago.

Arrgh.

Not a customer in sight.

If I don’t make any money today,

I’ll surely break out in a rash.

Huh? Yippee!

I’m rich.

Look, Patrick, eight

gold doubloons.

Wait! I saw it first!

Yah!

Mine! Mine! Huh?

Boy, Mr. Krabs,

you sure are sweaty.

What’s this?

Where are the doubloons?

( laughing )

There are no real

doubloons, Mr. Krabs.

It’s a game.

The Flying Dutchman’s

Treasure Hunt.

Based on a real treasure map.

Take a break and

play a round with us.

Yeah, come on, sweaty.

Have you finished

cleaning the tables?

I cleaned the tables,

Mr. Krabs.

Aye, but did you scrape

all the gum off the underside?

I already took care of it.

( laughs )

All right, lads.

Looks like you’ve shanghaied me.

My turn.

Five.

( blows raspberry )

“One of your shipmates

has been a bad pirate.

Send him to the brig!”

Hmm…

it’s off to jail

for you Mr. Krabs.

Patrick, you’re fired.

But I don’t even work here.

Would you like a

job, starting now?

Boy, would I!?

You’re fired.

My turn.

One, two, three, four.

“Look for the deacon’s goose

thru the fork in the old tree

and head that way.”

Well, I see Mr. Krabs’

zipper is undone.

Shiver me timbers.

( laughing ):

Just kidding, Mr. Krabs.

I’m almost to

the treasure.

Your turn again,

Mr. Krabs.

I hope.

Fisheyes.

One, two.

“You are a real pirate.

“Go straight to the ‘X’

which marks the spot.”

You get to dig for

treasure, Mr. Krabs.

Treasure?

There it is.

It’s the Flying

Dutchman’s treasure.

Gold, gold, gold.

Mine, mine, mine!

Hey! Mr. Krabs is getting

all sweaty again.

Rev up those fryers, ‘cause I

am sure hungry for one….

Help. Help.

My leg!

Can’t you see we’re closed?

Ready for another round?

This is my kind

of game.

Hooray!

Six. One, two…

I win again!

Oh, that’s 17 times in a row.

I think we ought to call

it a night, Mr. Krabs.

I really got to get some sleep.

Oh, you can’t walk out

on me now.

I’m sorry, Mr. Krabs.

See you tomorrow.

Huh? Who’s there?

Come on, SpongeBob.

One more game.

I can smell

the treasure.

Mr. Krabs, it’s late.

Go to bed.

Good night, Mr. Krabs.

The wind is perfect,

the tide is right.

Let’s hunt for treasure.

Mr. Krabs, you got…

tread softly, lad.

If the Dutchman hears you

we’ll never get his treasure.

But, Mr. Krabs…

I’ll roll

for you, boy. But, mister…

Eight paces north.

That’s a good

start, lad. But, mister…

One, two, three…

Mr. Krabs!

I want to go to bed!

Mr. Krabs, I’m sorry, but–

it’s just a game, you know?

A game. That’s right.

Of course it is.

My mistake.

I guess I got a little

carried away, eh?

Though it is treasure

we’re dealing with here.

Sorry for disturbing

you, lad.

Avast!

Pineapple ho!

Heave to and prepare

to be boarded!

Oh, go home already.

I’m done playing that game,

Mr. Krabs.

That’s Captain

Krabs to you

and this is no game.

We’re going to be pirates.

Pirates?

Aye!

How’d you like to go

on a real treasure hunt?

With a real treasure map?

Treasure? Treasure?

♪ We’re gonna be pirates! ♪

♪ We’re gonna be pirates! ♪

Hey, hey,

belay that skipping.

Pirates don’t skip.

Put on this pirate garb

so I won’t be embarrassed

to be seen with you.

Arrgh.

Oh, Patrick, look.

Peg legs and eye patches.

Now, don’t you feel

more like pirates?

Look, I’m Peggy the pirate.

Uh, oh…

I’m Blindbeard,

the pirate.

Oop. Ow!

Arrgh.

Keep a sharp

lookout, SpongeBob.

According to the map

we’re close

to the first landmark.

Really?

Can we see the map?

Uh… no.

Only the captain

can lay eyes on the map.

Okeydokey, then.

Arrgh.

A pirate doesn’t

say “okeydokey, then.”

A pirate says, “Arrgh.”

Oh, okey… oop. Ha-ha-ha.

I mean…

arrgh, Captain Krabs.

Captain, we’re about to hit…

I mean… arrgh, capt… uh,

we’re arrgh, about arrgh…

to hit, arrgh…

Out with it, man. Arrgh.

I, arrgh, think, arrgh,

he’s trying, arrgh

to say, arrgh…

Land.

( growling )

From now on,

only the captain says, “arrgh.”

Status report, Mr. SquarePants.

The whole ship

is underwater, Captain.

Arrgh.

We’re marooned, then.

Our treasure hunt will have

to continue on foot.

This is

it, boys.

“From the seaweed

with two leaves on it,

10,000 paces east.”

But, Mr. Krabs,

that seaweed has…

which way,

Cap’n?

Ensign Patrick,

which way is east?

Uh… let’s see.

That way, Cap’n.

9,997….

9,998…

9,999…

10,000.

Where’s the “X”?

It’s supposed to

be right here.

10,000 paces east.

Oh… east?

I thought you said “weast.”

“Weast”? What

kind of compass

are you reading, lad?

This one, sir.

That’s west, Patrick.

You’re fired again.

9,551…

9,552…

Mr. Krabs…

we’re tired.

And hungry.

Oh. So this is my crew?

You get a little tired

and a wee bit hungry…

and you want

to shove off for home.

Arrgh. That sickens me.

A pirate is not judged

by the notches in his cutlass

or the size of his booty.

A pirate is judged

by the loyalty of his crew,

and without

a loyal crew,

what am I captain of?

Just a bunch of sand.

( sobs )

Don’t cry,

Captain Krabs.

Yeah, we’ll be

your loyal crew.

( both sobbing )

You’ll stay with me, then?

BOTH:

We’ll be the most loyal

pirate crew ever!

I knew I could

count on you, boys.

One for all…

And all

for one!

I’m so loyal

I don’t even mind sleeping

on the cold, hard ground

while Captain Krabs

sleeps in his warm, dry tent.

I’m so loyal,

I haven’t

bathed in weeks.

But we’ve only been out

for a few hours.

I know…

( snickering )

I’m so loyal,

I don’t want to sleep

till we find

the treasure.

Let’s see if the

captain’ll go now.

Captain Krabs!

He’s not here.

Look.

The treasure map.

Only the captain can

look at the map, Patrick.

Yeah.

Patrick, what are you doing?

Nothing.

Patrick, you’re

not supposed

to look at the map.

I’m not looking,

I’m touching.

There’s no rule

against that, is there?

No, guess

there isn’t.

( squeaking )

Oops, Patrick, it

opened by itself.

( both laughing )

( chattering )

SpongeBob.

Yeah?

Did you notice something

familiar about this map?

You mean like that it’s our game

board taped to a piece of paper?

Do you think this

is a problem?

( crew yelling )

Sneaking peeks

at me treasure map.

That’s mutiny

on my ship.

So you think ol’

Captain Krabs has

gone crazy, do ye?

Not at all, Cap’n Krabs.

We don’t think

that at all.

I think that.

I’m going to throw you overboard

for saying that.

( gibbering )

Oh, look.

It’s the “X.”

X marks the spot.

Wow. That game really is

based on a real treasure map.

Well, what are you waiting

for lads? Dig! Dig!!

Dig, dig, dig, dig,

dig, dig, dig, dig.

We’ve got it,

Cap’n Krabs.

Ha-ha. Hand it up to me, lads.

Heave!

We’ve finally found it.

♪ The Dutchman’s treasure. ♪

Wow. Wow.

What are you

going to do

With your share,

Patrick?

I don’t know.

How are you

going to spend

your share,

SpongeBob?

What shares?

You’re not getting

any of my treasure.

We found it together

so we deserve a share.

Well, I’m the captain

and I say it’s mine.

What about loyalty?

All for one.

And one for all.

All for one.

…and one for all.

All for one.

I’m the Flying Dutchman.

I’m the Flying Dutchman.

Who dares wake

the Flying Dutchman?

Keep it down, will you!

I’m trying to get

some sleep. Uh.

All for one.

One for all.

( thunderclap )

Who dug up the

Dutchman’s treasure?

They did!

Arrgh.

So you two scallywags

dug up me treasure.

Well, you saved me

a lot of digging, you did.

So here’s a reward

for the two of yous.

Wow.

♪ Two gold doubloons. ♪

Wait!

I’m captain of this crew.

Where’s my reward?

Hmm. I guess

you’re right.

A little something

for your trouble.

Gold, gold, gold, gold.

Huh? Well, it’s just a little

plastic treasure chest.

♪ Plastic! ♪

Aye, but it’s based on

a real treasure chest.

( loud laughter )

Gee, Mr. Krabs, you’re looking

all sweaty again.

## Chapter 4: Neptune's Spatula

NEPTUNE’S

SPATULA

storyboard director

Chuck Klein

storyboard artist

Jay Lender

written by

Chuck Klein

Jay Lender

David B. Fain

animation director

Fred Miller

creative director

Derek Drymon

special guest

John O’Hurley

as King Neptune

Ah!

Ooh!

Oh!

Ooh!

Ah!

Ooh!

Ah!

Ooh!

Ah!

Behold the ultimate

cooking utensil–

the Golden Spatula!

Hey, SpongeBob,

look what it says here:

“Many have tried

to pull this spatula

“from this ancient grease

and all have failed.

( grunting loudly )

“Only a fry cook

“worthy of King Neptune himself

can wield…

“the Golden Spatula.”

The Golden Spatula.”

Wow.

Wow.

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Take a picture of me

and the spatula.

Okay, I’m ready!

Excuse me…

do you know

where the menu

section is?

Uh…

the menu

section?

That’s easy.

It’s over that way.

Uh-oh.

Holy smokes!

Rude!

Hey, the light changed.

Uh, Patrick…

Hold on.

Almost there.

( booming laughter )

Yes, yes, at last–

someone worthy of being

the royal fry cook!

Who has freed the spatula

from the grease?

Uh, I did,

Mr. Neptune, sir.

SpongeBob SquarePants.

( rumbling )

( laughing )

( rumbling stops )

A fine jest, boy.

You are but a lowly

yellow sponge.

Puny…

insignificant…

a commoner.

Therefore, you could never

be fry cook to a god and…

this is why it is funny!

( rumbling )

( laughing )

Now step aside while I seek out

the true fry cook.

No, no, no… hmm…

No, not you,

you’re too short, no.

Ah!

But… but…

A purveyor of foods.

Yes, you must be

my new fry cook.

Uh, sorry,

King Neptune.

I don’t make them;

I just sell them.

Then who pulled

up the spatula?

Well, he did.

( laughing )

It is even funnier

a second time.

You, there–

crustacean!

Who, me?

You have the

physique of Atlas.

Thanks. I work out.

( laughing )

Make poses with me.

Okay.

( both grunting )

Body slam!

You pulled the spatula

from the grease.

Nope, that was SpongeBob.

This joke has gone far enough!

Where’s

my fry cook?

Certainly you

with your prodigious girth

would know

who can flip a burger

to suit a royal palate!

What?!

Am I expected

to believe

this creature is royal

fry cook material?

I don’t suppose

you have any proof.

Ha!

This thing is unfit

to even scrub

the royal tail fin!

And besides, it’s

not just enough

to pull a spatula off

a greasy griddle;

there are certain…

qualities

that a royal fry

cook must have.

Like?

The royal fry cook must be…

oh, left-handed.

Actually, I’ve got two.

( fingers snapping )

Also, the royal fry cook

wears… red underwear.

No, blue.

Oh!

The royal fry cook’s

wallet contains

his big toes…

Uh, he has six.

He is the new

royal fry cook

and you…

Silence!

Is it hot in here,

or what?

( gasps )

Patrick!

You hurt my friend!

You’re not a king.

You’re a bully and a liar!

So, little one…

You think you have

what it takes to

be my fry cook.

I will prove your

worthlessness.

You shall be tested

with a challenge!

PATRICK:

Bring it on!

SpongeBob can handle any…

Ouch!

Your friend’s arrogance

will cost you dearly.

There will be

two challenges!

PATRICK:

Only two?!

What are two

challenges

to someone

like SpongeBob?

Three challenges!

PATRICK:

Three?!

( laughing )

Three challenges

are nothing.

Might as well be

500 challenges!

Enough!

He’ll settle for one.

There will be

but one challenge:

You will face me in…

the ultimate cook-off!

I will accept your challenge

if you fix my friend.

NEPTUNE:

Ah, yes…

the round one.

I shall restore him.

SpongeBob?

SpongeBob?

SpongeBob!

Oh, there you are.

How you feeling?

Pretty good.

Say, have you

gotten taller?

And now…

see the fate

that may lie ahead.

For, if by some minute chance,

you meet the challenge,

your reward will be great.

Behold!

( screaming )

Woopsie!

Now behold–

my beloved home

of Atlantis.

A prize worthy of Apollo.

You will reside here

in this glorious place,

cook only for me

and be a god!

Hey, that sounds

pretty good.

But if you should

not succeed…

you must give up fry cooking…

forever.

What do you say?

I’m ready!

Very well, then!

To the Poseidome!

ANNOUNCER:

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to

the ultimate cook-off!

( cheering and whistling )

All right, mates

first to a thousand patties

wins.

Shake hands.

( rumbling )

May the best man win.

Now go back to your corners

and when the bell sounds,

come out cooking!

Don’t worry, lad.

I have total confidence in you.

Put it all on Neptune!

I’m not good enough

to cook in Atlantis, Patrick.

I never should have

taken the challenge.

Don’t give up your

Dream, SpongeBob.

People used to tell me:

“Patrick, you’ll never

amount to anything.

You’ll always have

your head in the clouds.”

But just look

at me now.

( bell dings )

Go get ‘em, tiger!

( rumbling )

( laughing )

“Once upon a time…”

( laughing )

Perfect.

I win!

( whooping )

( laughing )

Loser!

( laughing )

Free patties

for everyone!

( cheering and applause )

( all cheering )

Fools! Have you no taste buds?

There’s nothing wrong

with these.

They’re delicious!

FISH:

Too chicken to eat

His own burger!

FISH 2:

Why don’t you eat it?

( chanting ):

Eat it! Eat it!

Okay, mine’s no good.

But what makes you think

his will be any better?

Give me that!

Mmm!

Why, it tastes so good

I think I’d like to try it

a second time.

( all groaning )

So, uh… what

do you think?

Yours is superior.

Therefore,

I concede to you–

SpongeBob SquarePants,

you win.

( cheering )

Yay! Yay!

BOTH:

We’re going to Atlantis!

We’re going to Atlantis!

( Neptune laughing )

What’s so funny?

You, SpongeBob.

That repulsive thing

in my palace?!

You mean Patrick

can’t come?

( laughing )

Oh, of course not.

And my friends…?

Ah, the only friend you’ll need,

my dear boy,

is the royal grill.

It was nice

knowing you, buddy.

( wailing )

I know, Mr. Krabs.

I’ll miss you, too.

I lost me bet!

( crying )

Come, SpongeBob,

grab your things.

It’s time to depart…

To Atlantis!

( crowd cheering )

I… I…

( sobbing ):

I don’t want to go!

It’s too late now.

I can’t live

without your burgers.

You’re going to be a god

and like it!

Maybe we do have a problem.

( booming voice ):

Wait, Neptune!

I have another idea.

Good morning, Krusty crew.

Hi, Patrick.

What’ll you have?

Uh…

( Neptune hollers )

Can you excuse me?

The accursed stove

has burnt my finger.

Fine thine own wrath,

stove!

( rumbling )

Ha-ha!

What did I tell you about

using your powers, trainee?

Perfect patties are made

with love, not magic.

## Chapter 5: One Krab's Trash

ONE kRABS

TRASH

storyboard directors

Paul Tibbitt

Kaz

storyboard artists

Carson Kugler

William Reiss

Mike Roth

written by

Paul Tibbitt

Kent Osborne

Mark O’Hare

animation director

Tom Yasumi

creative director

Derek Drymon

NARRATOR:

Ah, a yard sale.

You know the old saying:

“One man’s trash is

another man’s treasure.”

Disposable?!

Phooey.

For Mr. Krabs,

all trash is treasure.

( sniffs )

( fly buzzing )

Open for business.

See anything you like?

Yeah. I’ll give you a buck-50

for this umbrella.

A buck-50 for that?!

But it’s an antique!

It belonged

to a queen.

Ten bucks.

Ten bucks?!

It’s full of holes!

It was the queen of Switzerland.

A queen, you say? That’s…

Wait a second,

they don’t have a queen.

Okay,

Mr. Bargain Hunter.

Five bucks.

Deal!

( sniffs )

Ah, the sweet smell

of an all-day sucker.

( slurping in background )

SPONGEBOB:

They taste

even better.

Hi, Mr. Krabs.

What you doing?

( slurping )

I’m having

an antique sale.

Have a look around.

Hey, Patrick,

look at this thing.

Pretty cool, huh?

That looks like

the toilet plunger

I threw out yesterday.

That ain’t

no toilet plunger.

This here’s an antique!

It, uh… um… uh…

a 17th-century soup ladle, see?

Man, was I using mine wrong.

How much?

Five bucks.

I’ve only got seven.

Deal!

Patrick Star,

you are one smart shopper.

Wow! Look at this neat-o

soda-drinking hat.

Oh! It must’ve belonged to

someone who was number one.

There’s only been

a handful of number ones

in the entire history

of forever.

That’s right, SpongeBob,

and you’re one of ‘em.

Really?

This hat says,

“Hey, I’m number one

and I let gravity

do my drinking.”

This hat was made

for you, boy.

You were born

to wear this hat!

Eee… ooh…!

A perfect fit,

eh, son?

Oh, thank you,

Mr. Krabs!

Thank you for

bringing us together!

( sighs )

How can I ever repay you?

With ten dollars.

All I have is five.

Well, I guess

it’s no deal.

I’ll be right back.

( gasps )

( laughs )

Ah!

Mr. Krabs,

I found 68 cents.

But maybe you could

take the other $4.32

out of my paycheck.

What do you say?

Well… I don’t know…

Uh… okay!

But only ‘cause you look

so dashing in that hat.

Thanks, Mr. Krabs!

Don’t mention it, boys!

( laughs )

What a couple of rubes.

Excuse me, sir,

but are you

the purveyor

of this curio stand?

Yes, I am.

I understand

You’re selling

this rare novelty drink hat.

Fresh out.

Let me explain.

I’m prepared to give you

$500 for that drink hat.

Fi-fi-fi-fi-fi…

Not so fast.

I’ll give you $1,000

for such a hat.

( stammering )

I’ll give you

$100,000 in cash

for said hat.

( stammering )

Sir, I’ll give you

a million dollars for that hat!

SpongeBob!

( laughs )

There he is

with me million-dollar hat.

I got to get it back

before he finds out

how much it’s worth.

Ah! My bubble production

has increased twofold.

Thanks to you, Hatty.

SpongeBob!

Hey, Mr. K!

How’s the antique

biz treating you?

Oh, never mind

that. Listen…

I didn’t want to say this

in front of Patrick.

That hat makes you look

like a girl.

Am I a pretty girl?

Oh, well, um…

You’re…

you’re beautiful.

Uh… heh-heh.

( laughs )

All right, now give

me the hat back.

But, Mr. Krabs,

You said it yourself…

I was born

to wear this hat.

I don’t want

to give it back.

I can’t part

with this hat now.

Not after all

we’ve been through.

Thanks, Mr. Krabs!

I’ll call you Hatty.

And that’s

when you showed up.

Aw, forget it!

And you’re not

beautiful either.

I’m not?

( laughs )

SpongeBob, just the man

I wanted to see.

Still playing with

that dumb old hat, eh?

Yep.

Not sick of that

boring old hat yet?

Nope.

Not even a little tired

of that old piece of junk?

Uh-uh.

Not even a teensy, tiny bit?

Nope.

Well, then, I guess

You don’t want to see

what’s in my bag.

What is it?

Novelty hats.

How about this

air-conditioned one?

Seems a little dangerous.

The Juicer?

Ooh…

Foxy Grandpa?

( laughs )

So, what do you say?

Your silly hat

for all these hats.

No deal, Mr. Krabs.

I’m sticking

with Hatty.

Thanks for the offer,

though.

I thought the Foxy Grandpa

would get him for sure.

I didn’t want to have

to do this,

but he leaves me

no other option.

I’m going to have to

scare it off of him.

( snoring )

( snickers )

This’ll scare him.

( scary moaning )

Oh, my gosh!

A floating shopping list!

( screams )

I’m not a shopping list…

I’m a ghost…!

( screams )

( scary laughter )

Now, listen, SpongeBob.

How do you know my name?

Who are you?!

I am the Ghost

of Soda Drink Hats.

And I’m here to tell you

that that soda drink hat

you possess is cursed.

Cursed?

Yes! It once belonged

to some guy who’s dead now.

What guy?

Uh, uh… Smitty something.

Smitty what?

Uh, Smitty… Werben…

Jaegerman… Jensen.

He must have been number one.

Number one in Bogeyland!

Now, listen…

a curse will descend on you

unless that hat is returned

to its owner immediately.

Immediately?

Immediately…

To its owner?

Yes…

Right now?

Yes, yes!

It must be returned

to its owner right now!

Hey, Mr. Krabs.

Ahh! SpongeBob!

Uh, uh, what are you

doing here?

I was returning

the cursed soda drink hat

to its original owner:

Smitty Werben Jaegerman Jensen.

What? There is

no Smitty Werben

Jaegerman Jensen.

Sure there is!

He’s buried out

in Floater’s Cemetery.

How did? I just…

You did… I would…

Give me that shovel!

( muttering )

It was his hat Mr. Krabs.

He was number one!

( bat squeaking )

( eerie moaning )

( hooting )

Huh?!

( chattering )

( gasps )

( screeches )

Ahh!

Hold yourself together, Krabs.

It’s just a boneyard…

filled with bones.

( creaking )

Ahh!

What’s that?

It’s Squidward.

What’s he doing here?

( sniffles )

Ohh…

“Here lie Squidward’s

hopes and dreams.”

What a baby. Where was I?

Oh, yeah! Gotta find

Smitty Whatsajipster.

Nope… nope… no… no…

No… uh-uh… no… no…

uh-uh… nope, not there…

I’ve checked every headstone

in the cemetery

and there’s no

Smitty Wabbablabba buried here.

Think, Krabs.

Maybe something SpongeBob said

will give you some kind of clue.

Remember,

licking doorknobs

Is illegal

on other planets.

No, not that!

You’ll never guess

what I found in

my sock last night.

Go ahead, guess!

No! No! No! No! No!

It was his hat, Mr. Krabs.

He was number one!

Ahh! Barnacles!

I’ll never find…

The grave!

Am I really going to defile

this grave for money?

Of course I am!

( grunting )

( thud )

Jackpot!

Ooh. It’s beautiful.

Come to Papa.

Huh?

Come on, Smitty, let go.

Rest in pieces, Smitty.

I got the million-dollar hat!

( thunder booms )

Hey, man, that’s my hat.

Give it back.

What? No way.

Just crawl back

into your hole, bone boy.

Go ahead, play dead.

I guess I’m going to have

to take it from you.

Yeah, right. You and what army?

( eerie groaning )

Only the army

of the living dead.

Oh, no! I’ve seen this

on the late show.

You ghoulish fiends hold me down

and take turns

nibbling on my innards.

Then you eat my brain and

leave my body for the buzzards.

That’s disgusting.

We just want the hat back.

No flipping way!

Back up! Back up, I say!

Attack.

Tallyho!

Look at me, I’m Errol Fin!

You’re falling apart,

marrow brain!

You must be kidding!

Back to oblivion!

Hup-ho! How’s your sister?

All right, boneyards,

playtime’s over.

Yee-hoo!

( yelling, swords clanging )

Wa-ha!

A million dollars.

I’ve got a million dollars!

( all talking at once )

Oh, there you are.

Well, I got it.

The rare novelty

soda drink hat.

Let’s start the bidding

at $1 million.

( all laughing )

Yeah, you want that

all at once?

A million

dollars!

You got to be

kidding!

( laughter continues )

Hey! The poor sap’s

not kidding.

Didn’t you hear?

They found a whole

warehouse full of them.

They’re worthless!

( laughter continues )

Let’s give Mr. Krabs a big hand!

( laughing )

Now, that’s worth

a million dollars!

( laughing )

Hey, kid, wait up!

I saw him first!

I’ll give you

$1 billion!

Well, that’s a spirit breaker.

( crying )

What a baby.

## Chapter 6: Mermaidman and Barnacleboy V: BONUS EPISODE

MERmAidMAn

And

BaRnAcLEboy V

storyboard directors

C.H. Greenblatt

Kaz

storyboard artist

Mike Roth

written by

C.H. Greenblatt

Kaz

Merriwether Williams

animation director

Frank Weiss

creative director

Derek Drymon

special guest stars

Ernest Borgnine

as

Mermaidman

Tim Conway

as

Barnacleboy

NARRATOR:

The New Adventures

of Mermaidman & Barnacleboy!

In a familiar restaurant

in a familiar part of town,

a call goes out in frustration.

Will you hurry up?!

NARRATOR:

A call that would

normally be answered

by Bikini Bottom’s

semiretired champions–

if they weren’t the ones

causing the problem.

Now, let’s see.

I want a… no…

I want a… uh…

Uh, no… uh… hmm.

Sir, will you please

order already?

You’re holding up the line.

Uh…

Psst– hey, Mermaidman,

get a Krabby Patty.

I’ve made my decision!

( all cheering )

One Krabby Patty for me

and a Pip-squeak Patty

for the boy.

Now, wait just a darn minute.

( all groaning )

I don’t want a Pip-squeak Patty!

I want an adult-sized

Krabby Patty!

The Krabby Patty

is too big for you.

You’ll never finish it.

Don’t you see

what you’re doing?

You’re treating me

like a child!

The boy’s eyes are bigger

than his stomach!

( all laughing )

And that’s another thing!

I’m not a boy!

I’m so old, I’ve got hairs

growing out of the wrinkles

on my liver spots!

( hairs squeak )

One Pip-squeak Patty…

And your bib and high chair.

( others laughing )

I’m 68 years old

and I want a Krabby Patty!

Your Pip-squeak

is getting cold.

Shall I feed you?

Feed this, old man!

ALL:

Ooh!

I’m tired of playing

second banana

to a man

who wears a bra!

From now on, I want

to be called Barnacleman!

And I’m through with

protecting citizens

that don’t respect me!

I respect you, Barnacleman!

That’s Barnacleboy, I…!

I mean man!

Oh…

Forget you people.

I say if you’re not

going to give me

any respect

as a hero,

Then maybe you’ll give me

respect as a villain.

A villain who is… evil.

Evil?

ALL:

Evil?

Evil!

I’m crossing over

to the dark side.

Why should I waste money

lighting the whole store?

Did someone

say, “evil”?

Holy oil spill!

It’s Mermaidman

and Barnacleboy’s

arch enemies,

Man Ray and

the Dirty Bubble!

Nighty-night, you old goat!

Nighty-night.

Will you tuck me in?

NARRATOR:

We interrupt

Your bleak and meaningless lives

For this special news break.

Man Ray…

the Dirty Bubble…

( screaming, Dirty Bubble

laughing fiendishly )

And now, playing for

The dark side, Barnacleboy…

Barnacleman!

NARRATOR:

Have been committing a series of

crimes throughout Bikini Bottom.

( all laughing fiendishly )

Shh!

( doorbell chimes )

( laughing )

I’ll get you crazy kids!

NARRATOR:

These three have named

their new alliance…

Every

Villian

Is

Lemons

…otherwise known as EVIL!

What can we do?

When will this crime wave end?

How will we defeat the EVIL?

Why am I asking you

All these questions?

Mermaidman, where are you?

I’m right here!

Don’t worry, good citizens,

nothing will stop me

from defeating the EVIL!

Nothing!

( tinny music playing )

Ice cream?

I love ice cream!

A double scoop of prune

with bran sprinkles.

Mmm!

( fuse hissing )

( slurping )

( crunching )

Goes right through me

every time.

You might as well

give up, Mermaidman.

There’s three of us

and only one of you.

You don’t stand

a chance.

( tires squealing )

Are you okay, Mermaidman?

Oh, how are you

going to beat

all three of those guys

by yourself?

You’re right.

I give up.

You can’t give up.

What if we help you?

No, no, that’s

a terrible idea.

But what if you

help me?

Okay.

So, who wants

to save the world?

I do!

I do!

I do!

I don’t.

Oh, yes, you do.

No world means

no money.

Now, go save the world

or you’re fired!

( grumbling )

MERMAIDMAN:

Then it’s settled!

To the Mermalair!

SPONGEBOB:

Wow!

The Mermalair.

MERMAIDMAN:

These costumes belonged

to the original

International Justice League

of Super Acquaintances!

Wow! The I.J.L.S.A. were

the most heroic heroes ever!

And you had

the best lunch box, too.

MERMAIDMAN:

Once you put on these costumes,

their fantastic powers

will become yours!

Wow– I didn’t think

super-powers worked that way.

Sure.

Power’s all in the costume.

Why else would we run around

in colored undies?

I can think of

three good reasons.

NARRATOR:

The Quickster–

with the uncanny ability

to run really… quick!

Want to see me run

to that mountain and back?

You want to see me do it again?

NARRATOR:

Captain Magma–

get him angry

and he’s bound to erupt!

Krakatoa!

( rumbling, lava gushing )

( steam hissing )

NARRATOR:

The Elastic Waistband–

able to stretch his body

into fantastic shapes and forms!

I can finally touch my toes!

NARRATOR:

And Miss Appear–

now you see her, now you don’t!

SANDY:

Does this outfit

make me look fat?

NARRATOR:

The International Justice League

of Super Acquaintances!

A subsidiary of Viacom.

MERMAIDMAN:

So, it’s agreed–

we’ll get one cheese pizza,

one with pepperoni and

mushrooms, and one with olives.

MAN:

Super Acquaintances,

we need your help.

Holy halibut– it’s the Chief!

Thank you

for the introduction, Quickster,

but all we know who I am.

More to the point, we’ve got

news on the whereabouts of EVIL.

The whoseabouts of what?

You just tell us

where they are, Chief,

And we’ll hog-tie them faster

Than you can say “salsa verde.”

Our sources last saw EVIL

Harassing teenagers

up at Make-Out Reef.

You know, Make-Out Reef?

( kissing noisily )

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Floppin’ flounder, Mermaidman–

Make-Out Reef!

Those fiends!

Attacking hormonally

stressed-out children!

Ahh… Make-Out Reef.

Good times, good times.

To Make-Out Reef!

Away!

PATRICK:

Does this mean

we’re not getting pizza?

Stop it! Leave us alone!

Please! Please, stop!

ALL:

John and Nancy sitting

in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Oh, shine the flashlight

in that car, Man Ray!

( laughs evilly )

With pleasure.

( kissing loudly )

Hey, man, that’s not cool.

( all laughing )

MERMAIDMAN:

Leave those young lovers alone!

MAN RAY:

Well, if it

isn’t Milkmaid Man.

You’ve saved us

the trouble

of tracking you down.

You fiends can’t win!

You’re outnumbered!

MAN RAY:

You sensile bag

of fish paste!

There are three of us

and only one of you!

Make that two!

The Quickster!

( rumbling )

Three!

Captain Magma!

Four!

The Elastic Waistband!

Five!

ALL ( stammering ):

M-M-Miss Appear?!

And me makes ten, I think.

Uh-oh.

I don’t feel so good

about this.

Oh, there goes

our toy deal.

Super Acquaintances, attack!

Oh, no!

Please, mercy!

Krakatoa!

( rumbling )

( lava hissing )

( screaming )

Get it off! Get it off!

Get it off! Get it off!

Get it off! Get it off!

Get it off!

Get it off! Get it off!

Get it off!

I’ll save you, Quickster!

What…?

( straining )

Whoa!

( Patrick grunting

and shouting )

Whoa…!

I’ll cool you off, Quickster,

with one of my water balls!

Uh… ah…

Uh…

Ah-ha!

Huh?

No-no, no-no!

I’m not the Quickster,

I’m Captain Mag… ma.

( wheezing )

Well, I guess it’s up to me.

I’ll just sneak over, unseen,

and catch them by surprise.

( tires squealing )

( Sandy screaming, falling )

( crash )

SPONGEBOB:

Get it off! Get it off!

Get it off!

( shoes squeaking )

( SpongeBob gasping )

Whew, glad that’s over.

( crickets chirping )

We… we did it, we won.

This day belongs to EVIL!

( Barnacleboy cackling )

You’ve lost, Mermaidman.

And the superhero-

super-villain rules say that

you have to give in

to my demands.

Okay, what do you want?

World domination!

Tell him we want

world domination!

Oh, and make him

eat dirt!

In addition to the

domination thing.

Number one: I want to be

treated like a superhero,

not a sidekick.

Number two: I want

to be called Barnacleman.

And number three…

Come on, domination.

I want an adult-sized

Krabby Patty.

Did you hear

him say

anything about

eating dirt?

Need a hand?

Super pal?

( sniffling )

Good to have you

back on the side

of justice, Kyle.

Let’s go get you

that Krabby Patty.

Was that it?

I feel sick.

Oh, this reminds me

of the time

I went to Cancún with

the Killer Shrimp.

Oh, they had these

papaya drinks…

Oh, Neptune, shut up!

( chewing noisily ):

Mmm.

How is that adult-sized

Krabby Patty

treating you,

Barnacle… man?

Actually, it’s pretty big.

I’m not sure I can

finish the whole thing.

( laughing )

( both laughing )

( all laughing )

( laughing )

( laughing evilly )

( kissing loudly )

( laughing maniacally )

## Chapter 7: Karate Choppers: BONUS EPISODE

KaRaTe

CHoPPeRs

storyboard director

Aaron Springer

storyboard artist

Erik Wiese

written by

Aaron Springer

Erik Wiese

Merriwether Williams

animation director

Tom Yasumi

creative director

Derek Drymon

( whip cracking )

( yells )

Hi-ya!

Oh, sorry, pineapple house.

I thought you were someone else.

Ah! What a great day at work.

( clattering

nearby )

Yeah!

( footsteps quacking )

( groaning )

I know you’re back there, Sandy.

And I also know that

nobody can hide from Sponge…

Bob.

I got you now!

Hi-ya!

Well, I guess

The coast is clear.

Yeah, shopping’s weird.

Did you ever go

into the seafood aisle

and say, “who eats this stuff?”

( laughing )

I love this show!

Me, too.

( screams )

( karate yells )

Uh, just a second.

Safety first.

And now,

spin technique.

( yelling )

( yells )

Double overhand

squirrel knot.

( bowling ball rumbling,

striking pins )

I’m going to get you

tomorrow, SpongeBob.

That’ll be the day.

Whoop, whoop, whoop,

whoop, whoop, whoop…

( humming to herself )

( phone cuckooing )

Hello.

Hi-ya! Hi-ya!

Nice try, SpongeBrain.

( yells )

Ah, silly me.

Hey, Sandy,

Have you ever heard the one

about the squirrel

and the tin cans?

Uh, don’t think so.

Well, it goes like this.

Oh, wait, I forgot

the punch line.

( screeches )

Oh, yeah.

( laughing )

That’s a good one, isn’t it?

What a beautiful day.

Beautiful sky, beautiful plants.

Hi, plants.

Beautiful…

pile of cans.

Mmm-mmm.

Sandy, that is your

worst disguise yet.

No, it’s not,

SpongeBob.

This is.

Now, prepare

for a long,

merciless whooping.

Mmm, mmm.

My favorite.

( laughing evilly )

By the powers of naughtiness,

I command this particular

drop of hot sauce

to be really, really hot!

( gasping ):

Thandy, wait!

Victory is yourth.

I know you’d come

to your senses, SpongeBob.

Whoa!

Kiai!

Curses…!

EXASPERATED CUSTOMER:

Oh, what is going on?!

With extra cheese,

to go.

Three patties,

four large oyster skins

on the double, SpongeBob.

Oh, yeah.

Gotcha!

SpongeBob… What?

I’m going to pretend

that didn’t happen.

Now, fill these orders

or leave, SpongeBob.

We’re very busy today.

Order… oh!

( fly buzzing )

Ah…

SpongeBob, now,

are you going to…

KRABS:

Oh, Squidward,

I was going

through some records

back in me office,

and… huh?

So, you got the

hairpiece after all.

( SpongeBob yelling )

Thought you could

sneak up on me

at work, did you?

Well, you can’t

‘cause I’m fast,

I’m mean,

and I can do this.

Sss!

Took care of her,

yes, I did.

Oh! Ahoy, sir.

What was that?

But sir,

she snuck up on me.

In my own dojo.

Are you on some new

allergy medication, boy?

No, sir, just practicing

my karate, sir–

or kara-tay, as some call it.

“Kara-tay”?

You should be making me

money-ay

with your spatu-lay.

Now, get back to work.

Ay-ay, Capitay.

Nice hairpiece,

Squidward.

SpongeBob, did you get

those bathrooms mopped yet?

Yes, ma’am… I mean sir,

I mean boss,

I mean pooh-bah.

D’oh!

( someone sneezes )

Ha!

Sandy!

No more.

But Mr. Krabs…

Shh!

No more of this

karate stuff, lad

or you’re fired.

( in high voice ):

Fired?

No more karate?

How am I going to tell Sandy?

Ki…ya!

I can’t.

Mr. Krabs said I have

to give up karate.

Uh-huh,

sure, SpongeBob.

No, really, Sandy, stop.

I’m not falling

for it, SpongeBob.

No, really!

Please stop.

What the…?

SpongeBob!

( screams )

Mr. Krabs.

What did I just get through

telling you, lad?

But, I… she…

SpongeBob, you’re fired!

Huh?

Fired?

Hey?

SpongeBob?

( starts sobbing )

( bawling )

Wait– Mr. Krabs,

it’s not his fault.

I-It’s mine.

He tried to tell me,

but I-I wouldn’t listen.

Give him another

chance… please?

Hmm.

All right, me boy.

I’ll give you a second chance.

But no more karate.

It’s poisoning

your mind.

( sniffs )

Mmm, mammals.

Aw, shoot, SpongeBob.

I guess you

ain’t fibbing.

( both sigh )

Aw… that game was

getting old, anyway.

It’s not fun anymore.

I mean, what’s

so fun about… this?

( laughing )

Nothing!

Nothing is fun

about that at all.

We can find

Something to do

that’s at least

nine times as fun.

We can?

I mean… sure we can.

Yeah!

Like we can, uh…

we can squeeze things.

( grunting and groaning )

Whoo-hoo!

How much fun was that?

Almost some.

I know.

We can act like plants.

Photosynthesis.

Photosynthesis.

Want to go

to the park?

Karate

sure is dumb.

Yeah, you can

say that again.

I feel dumb just

thinking about it.

Duh… I’m stupid.

I like karate.

Doy…

You like what?

Not karate.

Ha! I don’t even

know what that is.

Me too. I don’t know

what anything is.

In fact…

MAN:

Hi-ya!

Hi-ya!

( giggling )

For a second,

that sounded like…

Karate?

Right now?

I mean… no,

what is this karate?

Uh, what do you want

on your sandwich?

Karate.

What did you say?

Uh, mustard–

mustard.

I want mustard

on my sandwich.

There we go.

How many slices

of barnacle loaf do you want?

One… just one.

One for you…

Hmm?

And one for me!

Oh, uh…

SpongeBob?

Maybe just one more.

I’m kind of hungry.

Sure thing, Sandy.

SpongeBob? Yeah?

Do you think, um…

do you think

I could cut this one?

Uh, sure.

Thanks.

( yells )

Is that enough?

Maybe just one more.

Or two.

Or three.

Or ten.

Ten, yes, ten!

Because we’re really hungry.

Right!

Right!

Right!

Right!

Time for buns!

( yelling )

How about

some tomatoes?

And I’ll

cut the cheese.

( both yell )

And what else

should we slice?

More buns!

And lettuce!

Yeah!

Yeah!

( chopping frantically )

( panting )

Making sandwiches sure is fun.

Right, Sandy?

Right?

I guess I’ll eat one now.

You’re mincemeat.

In your dreams!

( both yelling and shouting )

Huh? What the barnacle…?

Do you think

Mr. Krabs ever does karate?

( clears his throat )

( screams )

Mr. Krabs!

Uh, hey, Mr. Krabs,

how it’s going?

Nice day, huh?

Oh, all right, Mr. Krabs,

you caught me.

But you know what?

I just can’t help myself.

You’re just going

to have to fire me.

Fire you?

I got something else in mind.

( fast chopping inside )

( crowd cheering )

( chopping continues )

( crowd cheering )

I love karate!

I love kara-tay!

I love money-ay!

I hate all of you.

## Chapter 8: I'm Your Biggest Fanatic: BONUS EPISODE

I’m YouR

BiGGEST

FanAtic

Storyboard director

Jay Lender

storyboard artist

William Reiss

written by

Jay Lender

William Reiss

Mr. Lawrence

animation director

Sean Dempsey

creative director

Derek Drymon

SPONGEBOB:

Wow! I can’t believe it!

We’re actually here at the

Biannual Jellyfish Convention!

PATRICK:

Jellyfish are awesome!

Cool state-of-the-art

jellyfish nets!

Touch.

Don’t touch.

Wow! The harpoon from

Jellyfish: The Movie!

Touch.

Don’t touch!

Look! Dr. Manowar!

The guy who got stung

by Big Lenny and lived.

And now it only hurts

when you touch it.

( screams )

Touch.

Do I have to follow

you all day?

( SpongeBob screams )

Patrick, look!

Can it be?!

Ice cream?

No, it’s

The Jellyspotters

Bikini Bottom’s premiere

jellyfish enthusiasts club!

Ah! And their leader…

the coolest jellyfish

enthusiast ever…

Kevin the Sea Cucumber!

What’s so great

about a nerdy pickle?

If I could just

touch the hem of

his pocket protector,

then maybe some

of his greatness

would rub off on me.

SpongeBob, as a friend,

I must say that’s really geeky.

( gasps )

Oh, my gosh!

Jeffrey Jellyfish!

Wait, Jeffrey!

I have to touch you!

Hey!

Bamboo?

I only use composite materials

in my net handle.

ALL:

Composite materials…

Next question.

ALL:

Next question…

Uh… hi, Kevin.

Hi. What is your question?

Hi, Kevin.

Whatever.

Next question, please?

Hi, Kevin.

Hello, loser.

All right, you,

way in the back.

Hi, Kevin…

Does anyone here

have an actual…

( SpongeBob breathing loudly )

Hi, Kevin.

I’m your biggest fan.

You’re too kind.

Security!

No, wait!

I would do anything for you!

Why don’t you go

jump off a building?

Huh?

( screaming… )

( crash )

Anything…

Punch yourself in the face.

Doesn’t that hurt you?

Do you want it

to hurt me, Kevin?

( laughs )

( others laugh )

That is the best!

( all laughing )

This guy’s great!

We have got to bring this guy

jellyfishing with us.

No, Kevin, no.

He’s a geek.

( whispers ):

Look, I won’t let the guy

join the club.

I just want to see how many

times he can get stung

before he goes running home

like a baby.

Meep-meep.

Kevin’s a genius.

ALL:

Meep-meep…

genius… Kevin…

Hey, kid.

How would you like to try out

for The Jellyspotters?

( steady tone )

Clear.

( zap )

I’d love it!

( SpongeBob imitating

car revving )

Ah… nothing like driving

through jellyfish fields

with the top down,

eh, Jellyspotters?

OTHERS:

Meep… top down… top down…

meep… top down… meep…

( sighs )

Well, here we are.

Jellyfish Fields.

Oh… ow!

I hope you didn’t

forget our nets.

I didn’t forget them, Kevin!

They’re in the trunk!

I can’t believe I’m out here

with The Jellyspotters!

All my life I wanted

to be a Jellyspotter

and now I’m out here

with you guys

with the nets and the jars

and the jellyfish.

I’m with Kevin

and Kevin’s with me

and we’re all with each other

and we’re jellyfishing

together and it’s fun…

Hold it!

Before you become

a Jellyspotter,

you have to pass

a rigorous test.

Meep… rigorous test…

( laughing )

Quiet! Shh!

Your first test?

Catch a jellyfish.

( jellyfish buzzing )

Hey, I caught one!

Am I a

Jellyspotter now?

Meep…

he caught one…

in the club… meep.

Uh, that doesn’t count.

( zapping )

Ouch!

♪ Wha-wha-wha... ♪

I meant two jellyfish.

Two jellyfish… meep…

in the net… meep…

Ooh… that’s not

what I meant!

I meant 20 jellyfish!

Oh. Let’s see…

One, two, three…

Oh…

( grunts )

( zapping )

Oh… oh… ow!

♪ Wha-wha-wha... ♪

Jellyspotters allow jellyfish

to eat jelly off their face.

Who wants to lick my cheeks?

I see I have some takers.

Hows does it feel?

( laughs )

It tickles me nose!

Not for long…

( all laughing )

Ah… ah…

ah-choo!

( zapping )

( sizzling )

♪ Wha-wha-wha... ♪

Will you cut that out?!

Am I in

The Jellyspotters now?

No! I have many more

tests for you to take.

Am I in The Jellyspotters now?

( zapping )

No!

Am I in

The Jellyspotters now?

( zapping )

No!

Now? ( zapping )

No!

Now? ( zapping )

No!

Now? ( zapping )

No!

Now? ( zapping )

Now? ( zapping )

Now?

( zapping )

Okay, SquarePants.

It is your turn to get zapped!

I mean… are you ready

for your final test?

I’m ready!

You’d better be,

because we are going to capture

a queen jellyfish!

A queen!

Can I help?

Oh, don’t worry.

We can’t do it without you!

This is fantastic!

I’ve never been bait before.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen

a queen jellyfish either.

Well, then you’ve

probably never used

a queen jellyfish call.

Why don’t you try it out?

( honking ):

Loser… loser…

Hey, I’ve heard

this call before.

I’ll bet you have.

Hey, where you going?

Oh, don’t worry.

We’ll be right

behind this bush.

( zapping )

Ouch… ow!

Who’s got my sting ointment?

This is great!

When I pass this test,

I’ll be an official

jellyfish spotter.

Loser…

Loser… loser.

Loser…

Loser…

( weakly ):

Loser… loser…

Loser…

Hey, Kevin…

I don’t think it’s working.

Nothing…

Hey… hey, Kevin, she’s here!

Look! Look, she’s here!

She’s here, Kevin,

she’s…

( wind blowing )

( gasps )

( screams )

( zapping )

( panting… )

( panting and zapping… )

( panting )

Aah!

Please don’t be angry,

your highness.

I would have let you go!

( crying )

( all laughing )

( gasps )

Kevin!

That’s right!

You should have seen

the look on your face

when we zapped you!

But… what about final my test?

( all laughing )

Did you think we’d actually

let you join The Jellyspotters?

But, Kevin…

I was your biggest fan.

So were they.

Hey, look, everybody!

Kevin’s back!

ALL:

Kevin! We love you, Kevin!

Kevin,

please!

You looked so dumb

with your dorky

jellyfish call.

Loser!

Loser, loser, loser!

Loser!

I am not a loser!

Lo… ser…

Loser! Loser!

Loser… loser…!

( all laughing )

Huh?

( “Rule, Britannia” plays )

Nideria rex.

King Jellyfish…

( growls romantically )

Kissyface!

( growls )

( panting )

( yelling )

( kissing )

( panting )

Huh?

( chattering )

Kevin…

( zapping )

( yelling )

( whistle blows )

( grunting )

( gasps )

I think he’s gone.

One of you

go out and check.

Meep-meep. Meep-meep!

( zap )

Meep-meep, meep-meep,

meep-meep!

ALL:

Meep… save us… meep…

Kevin… meep… save us…

( crying ):

Don’t look at me.

I was just in this

for the fashion!

( crying ):

It’s hopeless!

We’re trapped!

We’re trapped…

Help me, Mommy, help me!

I want my blanky.

I want my blanky!

Now what do we do?

ALL:

Mommy… help, Mommy… Mommy…

( growling angrily

and buzzing )

What the…?

Huh?!

Mm-mm-mm…

Yummy.

( meeping and cheering )

I can’t believe it.

How did you know?

( laughs )

Everybody loves pie!

♪ Wha-wha-wha... ♪

Well, SquarePants,

that was impressive

but you’re still not

in the club

because you didn’t catch

a queen jellyfish.

Wait! What are

you doing?

( rip )

Aah!

Wow… I didn’t know

this was a hat.

It wasn’t…

SPONGEBOB:

Hi, Patrick.

PATRICK:

Hi, SpongeBob.

Did you get

into that club?

Yeah, but I

turned them down.

It’s not about Kevin.

It’s about jellyfish.

SpongeBob, I’m glad

you learned your lesson.

Hero worship is unhealthy.

Come on, Jeffrey.