Cousin Scrivven

**Worshipers:** Sylphs, proteans, vaporighus, goblins, barbarians, jesters, gnome soldiers.

**Symbol:** A cloud with a smiley face.

**Sacred Animal:** The cow.

**Sacred Raiment:** The outfits of clowns, jesters and simpletons are favored, though generally adjusted to be practical for wartime.

**Favored Weapon:** The guisarme.

The "black sheep" of her family, Cousin Scrivven is a decidedly
unorthodox war god. She has nothing against war, exactly. War is a great
 way to pass the time, if it's for a decent reason. Casualties are
rough, but that's what happens when you swing an axe at someone's head,
you know.

She just hates it when people insist on taking it all too seriously.

To Scrivven and her worshipers, war is a game, and ruining dramatic
moments is pretty much their favorite pastime. Cousin Scrivven usually
manifests as a large cow or giant bombardier beetle, sometimes with the
torso and face of a young humanoid woman. Her avatar invariably releases
 clouds of noxious gas with every step. Scrivven's clerics can cast *stinking cloud* as a third-level spell.

Cousin Scrivven favors nonlethal methods of resolving battles, and
loves to "crash" skirmishes she has no place in. It has happened more
than once that two enemy armies, hardened, weary, ready to fight to the
death for all that they believe in at the climax of a bloody war, are
interrupted by a roving band of clowns with guisarmes and stinkbombs. If
 through her intervention casualties can be reduced, Cousin Scrivven
doesn't really care if the "wrong" side wins—reducing deaths is more
important to her than ephemeral ideas like "truth" or "justice". That
said, her top priority is always comedic timing. Her evil followers will
 not hesitate to hit a paladin in the face with a pie, even if it causes
 her to lose her death match with the enemy blackguard commander.

Her church has many enemies and few real friends, though some more
peaceful deities do cautiously commend her drive to minimize senseless
bloodshed. But not out loud. "Don't encourage her," they say. "Just keep
 walking and hope they don't decide you'd look funnier covered in cow
s&!&."

**Relations:**

Scrivven's relationships with other gods are...complicated. She is great friends with **Bolaro**,
 god of humor, and claims to have taught him all he knows. He says the
exact same thing about her. They do have some strong moral differences
that cause significant strife between their followings (such as when
Scrivven's worshipers crash a battle between clearly evil orc hordes and
 the defenders), but they also share many holidays and celebrations.

Other martial gods tend to get along very poorly with her, however.
"Poorly" being a cage term for "the evil ones attack her followers on
sight". **Saeet**, god of mercenaries and punishment, is something of
 an archnemesis to Scrivven—her church disrupts his operations as best
they can, more because they find it hilarious than because they
necessarily resent his evil ways. For his part, Saeet tells his
followers to make the deaths of Scriven's faithful extra slow. For
practical, deterrant-based reasons, of course.

**Vonheim**, god of shadow warfare and demon slaying, wouldn't
think much about Scrivven either way, except for that one vaporighu
incident. Knowing that to actually target her would be somewhat morally
gray, he gives his followers a simple phrase of advice: "Just ignore
them and maybe they'll just...go away."

**Evoco** and Cousin Scrivven agree in basic philosophies—they're
both tactical gods who employ dishonorable, even unsavory tactics in
war. Scrivven's followers have disrupted his own one too many times,
though. As such, Evoco has given his followers free leave to kill any
Scrivvenites who get in the way, as such inconveniences cannot be
tolerated in wartime.

**Mokker**, lizardfolk god of corruption, likes to have his
followers blow up the Scrivvenites with their own methane. He has
repeatedly attempted to outright kill Cousin Scrivven, but has yet to
succeed. **Vyzyx**, god of wrathful genocide, has frequently clashed
with her as well, and the two once allied to seal her in a mystical
prison on the Elemental Plane of Earth. She escaped only recently, and
still seeks revenge.

**Grashar**, goddess of war and patron of lycanthropes, does not
get along well with Scrivven. Oh, Grashar has nothing in particular
against Scrivven—jokes are all well and good, and some of Scrivven's
more destructive pranks are really kind of funny. But Cousin Scrivven
insists to this day that Grashar broke her guisarme, which, she assures
her followers and anyone else who will listen, used to be twice as long.
 She doesn't dare actually target the fearsome deity, but likes to
passive-aggressively distribute caricatured, highly sexualized drawings
of lycanthropes throughout the multiverse. Even for Scrivven, this is
really petty, and only her most ardent supporters really try to defend
it.

Several eons ago, Cousin Scrivven made the mistake of antagonizing **Batte**
 a bit too close. She barely survived the experience, and only thanks to
 Batte's mercy. Disliking Scrivven is one of the one things **Garrikhan**, Father of Sieges, and Batte agree on.

**Chatru**, Seduction of the Reave, terrifies Scrivven, and she
uncharacteristically advises her followers to aid in fights against him.
 She also has a bit of a hatecrush on him.