Ultraman Earl

"*My Protectors are tingling. Something's wrong!*"

―Earl whenever something is wrong

**Ultraman Earl** is a Parody Garrison officer who was assigned to Planet Swallow to protect its colony of Alien Sturm from themselves.

## Personality

He is a very athletic and overprotective Ultra who takes his job very seriously and with pride to a point of seeming comical. He can also be over reactive and over-the-top sometimes with a gruff kind of voice and temper. He is also a very caring and loving family man who loves his wife and son very much and is willing to do anything for them and never ceases to remind his son just how much he cares about him. He also cares a lot about the safety of the Alien Sturm of Planet Swallow and even helped organize an evacuation during the "Food Hurricane" the JYLFLDSMDFROZENTA has created.

He doesn't like it when other people use his fishing spots or eat all of his beans.

## History

Ultraman Earl was born on the Land of Parodies and trained to be a Parody Garrison officer from a young age. He went on multiple missions and became a respected officer, but what would make him famous were his adventures on Planet Swallow. Colonized by the Alien Sturm, this planet was infamous for being used as a nuclear dump by aliens in the past, leading to the mutated states of its kaiju and not much else being able to survive besides small fish.

But the likes of flying King Molerats weren't the reason a Parody Ultra was needed; it was the ridiculous efforts of a young Sturm "scientist" named Woody Flintlock that continuously put this planet's population in jeopardy. He dreamed of creating amazing things that could change everyone's life, despite his career having been sort of... VERY hit and miss. His inventions ALWAYS backfired and did harm; it had been decided that his experiments had to be stopped somehow.

And so Earl took the case. He first encountered Woody while he was experimenting with a food-making machine whose name was not an acronym, just gibberish.

"WOODY FLINTLOCK!", Earl yelled as he ran towards the wanted Sturm.

"Uh, just a second," Woody replied, seeing he was about to be caught. "I'm in the middle of a-"

The machine took flight, dragging Woody with it and out of Earl's clutches. Ever since then, Earl has continued to diligently follow his mission, even though he has yet to catch the shenaniganizer and tomfool that is Woody Flintlock, he will always have his eye on him. For his dedication to his job and his own innate manliness, Earl has been appointed as a member of the Parody Garrison's Thot Patrol squad.

In his spare time, Earl's hobbies include baking cupcakes and fishing. He's even managed to come up with a decent recipe for fish cupcakes somehow.

## Powers and Abilities

* Earl actually doesn't have any beams. He doesn't need them.
* **Martial Arts Skills:** Earl is trained in just about every martial art you can think of, although he usually just makes cool poses and doesn't hit anything on purpose, since his main job doesn't really require that he fight. Don't think he's soft in battle though; this guy survived One Kick Leo's training regiment for 2 weeks.
* **Speed:** Earl can effortlessly run at speeds exceeding Mach 1. When he's chasing Woody Flintlock, his speed increases exponentially. Ultraman Mach says that Earl is one of the few Parody Rangers that stands a chance against him in a race.
* **Agility:** He can jump over people's heads and do backflips and all that jazz.
* **Protectors:** Earl's chest protectors are extremely durable, having developed with expert care. They allow him to survive explosions and falling off cliffs and other badass stuff.
	+ **Warning System:** If something's wrong in the immediate area, Earl's protectors tingle to alert him. Don't ask how this works.
* **Light-Tears:** Earl's DNA is somewhat absorbent for some reason. When he cried on a Forgas mushroom, the mushroom grew muscles and Protectors... and it took the entire Thot Patrol to stop it. Fortunately, Earl is capable of making his light-tears get back in there if something isn't really enough to make a grown Ultra cry.
* **Regular Show Opening Sound Effect Thingy:** Earl's one power that is the most like an energy attack, he's literally capable of playing the Regular Show opening sound to announce his presence and strike fear into the hearts of thots and Woody Flintlock in particular. Every once in a while, this ability is somehow powered up, deep-frying Earl's surroundings. He doesn't seem to be able to control when this happens.

## Trivia

* This is a tribute to Officer Earl and the great contribution he has made to memekind.
* Image by Furnozilla.