TRP: Goro, Hansel, and Sam (Mirror)

LINA

[Setting: Night 372. Freeport inn dining room.]

Goro ordered himself a big cup of coffee. He said no when the waiter asked if he wanted cream and sugar, but then the waiter brought some anyway. Fuckin' hell. Goro guessed it was fine, because the coffee was unbearably fucking bitter. He chugged a couple inches out of the mug, cringing all the while, so he had room to dump in a lot of cream.

From then on out he sipped. He pulled a few dice out of his pocket to play with on the table. He was checking them for weights, but if they had any, it was subtle. He needed to experiment a while. Eventually he added some sugar to the coffee, too, and stirred it in.

IZZY

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a familiar tall, shaggy figure coming into the dining room. Sam was fully healed, and looked rested to the point of slight grogginess. He was using his quarterstaff as a walking stick, and he glanced across the room, spotted Goro, and headed towards him.

LINA

Goro tensed up. He scraped all the dice together into a little pile, huddling over them like they were fascinating.

IZZY

Sam stopped by his table and looked down at the dice, mildly curious. "Hey."

LINA

Goro glanced up at him, then back at the dice. "Hi."

IZZY

He looked at Goro silently for a moment, then dismissed his quarterstaff and reached into his robe pocket.

LINA

Goro picked up one of the dice and pretended to examine it, still hunched over the pile.

IZZY

Sam pulled a small scroll out and held it out to Goro, eyeing him.

LINA

Goro looked up again and blinked at the scroll. He took it, hesitantly, glancing at Sam as he did. He unrolled it and skimmed it over, rubbing the paper between his thumb and fingers. "Thanks," he said quietly. Thought about adding, Sorry about you waking up last night, but decided it wasn't worth it.

IZZY

Sam kept looking at Goro.

LINA

Goro rolled the scroll up tight and stuck it inside his robe. He took a gulp of coffee and went back to fiddling with the dice, avoiding Sam's eyes. "What?"

IZZY

"Are you all right?" He shifted a little, and before Goro could respond, added, "Listen, last night. I appreciate what you did."

LINA

Goro leaned one elbow on the table and rested his head on his hand. His other hand kept moving the dice around. "Mhm."

So this was Mishka's bounty hunter. Fucking nuts. The two of them were all chummy, or whatever. Goro shuffled his feet against the floor.

IZZY

He crossed one arm to rub at the inside of his elbow. "Listen," he said again, slowly, glancing away and back. "I meant the sleeping thing. But the other shit too. Trying to help in general. It isn't fucking easy, that's all. But if we're going to be working together." He shrugged. "I'll try to make it less fucking difficult. Yeah?"

LINA

"Why bother?" Goro muttered.

IZZY

He grimaced. "Eh. To attempt to not be fucking miserable?"

LINA

Goro blinked a few times at the table. "You don't even--" He didn't wanna sound like a fucking baby. Thought he might be too hurt not to, though. "You don't even like me. I know you think I'm weird and annoying. So just... leave me alone, alright? And I'll leave you alone. Come get me when you need help with the artifact. Not tomorrow. I gotta go help my brother." He went from shuffling his feet to knocking his knees together.

IZZY

Sam blinked at him. "What?"

LINA

"What, what?"

IZZY

He squinted. "I don't ... What? I do like you. Sort of. Look, I don't fucking like anyone." He shifted again, uncomfortable, and backtracked, "That's ... not what I meant."

LINA

Goro scrunched up his face, confused, still looking at the table. He picked up a die and rolled it.

IZZY

"Should I sit down?"

LINA

"Don't care." More like he couldn't decide. Sam being here was making him uncomfortable, but he might feel worse if Sam just walked off.

IZZY

He slid into the booth opposite Goro -- putting his back to the door -- and rubbed his elbow again, like a nervous tic. "Look. I don't think you're weird. Or maybe you are, but who gives a shit. My partner is a demon who's the embodiment of pride, or something. Like I can fucking talk. And you have annoyed me, but I don't ... not like you because of it." He shifted.

LINA

Goro picked up a couple more dice and rolled them.

IZZY

Sam watched him.

LINA

Goro rolled the dice again. "Okay," he said doubtfully.

IZZY

"Okay?" Sam said back, slowly.

LINA

Goro shifted the hand his head was propped on so he could chew his bracelet. "What do you want?" he said around it. Not accusing, or nothing. Just dully curious.

IZZY

Sam reached out and put a finger on one of Goro's dice to pull it across the table towards him, still watching Goro.

LINA

Goro froze, watching back.

IZZY

"What happened?" Sam asked.

LINA

Goro gave a questioning grunt, chewing again.

IZZY

He flipped the die over with his finger, thinking. "Look. I don't know what to fucking do here, but that's what you asked me. When you were trying to be friendly and shit. So what's wrong, asshole?"

LINA

Goro didn't say anything. He quit chewing on the bracelet and sat up straighter, but still bent over the rest of his dice. He stacked them into a little tower. He took a drink of his coffee, then poked the tower to knock it over.

"Sometimes," he said, arranging the dice in a row, "I rush into things too fast."

IZZY

Sam pushed the die he'd stolen into the row. "Okay."

LINA

Goro thought for a minute, planning to explain what he meant, but then he blurted, "You know you know Mishka?"

Which was a weird way to put it, he realized.

IZZY

"Yeah," Sam said.

LINA

Goro glanced up, surprised. "He tell you about me?"

IZZY

"What, Mishka?" He looked puzzled. "No."

LINA

"Yeah, I didn't think he knew we had the same--the same Sam. How'd you--oh. Aziz?"

IZZY

"Yeah." He still seemed confused. He held his elbow.

LINA

Goro hunched over the dice again. "Guess you guys are all... friends and shit."

IZZY

"Guess," he said slowly.

LINA

"He's married to Hansel," Goro said, in case Sam didn't know.

IZZY

"Okay."

LINA

Goro couldn't remember how they'd gotten to talking about this. "Um, why are you here, again?"

IZZY

"I brought you the scroll," Sam reminded him. "And I wanted to say thanks."

LINA

"Yeah, that... that part's over. You did it. You want something else?"

IZZY

"I was asking if you're fucking okay, because I don't know if I did something," Sam said bluntly.

LINA

"Yeah, you were fucking a jerk to me. And..." You made me feel bad. Whine, whine, whine. Fucking baby.

IZZY

"You were a fucking jerk to me," Sam said defensively, then seemed to catch himself and shook it off. "Look. I get that you're trying to be fucking ..." He made a vague gesture. "Friendly, or whatever. I don't know how to do that. I thought you were being ..." He trailed off. "I don't know. But." He shrugged. "I talked with Ba'alchem. And I'll try to deal with it better. If we're going to be working together, I'd rather it wasn't shitty."

LINA

"I wasn't a jerk." Goro looked up, baffled. "I was being nice to you." Not to Amari levels or nothing, but still. "I fucking... stopped to talk to you, and tried to get to know you. I asked you to get drinks, and dinner, and shit. I kept trying to fucking help you with shit. I introduced you to my family. What do you fucking--" Goro propped both elbows on the table, made his hands into fists, and pressed his mouth against them.

Alright, so he hadn't done it right, clearly. You're trying to be fucking friendly, or whatever, Sam said, key word there being "trying." Not succeeding. Goro thought about just getting up and walking away. Going to find Larkin, maybe. She could probably punch him on the arm and take him out to some bar, cheer him up that way. He felt like he was rotting inside.

IZZY

"I thought you were fucking hitting on me."

LINA

Mouth still firmly hidden against his fists, Goro looked up again, brow furrowing in confusion. He shook his head.

Shit, did he just... give off that vibe? That'd be another question for Larkin. He wondered if she'd thought he was hitting on her, at first. Gross.

IZZY

"Well, I fucking figured that out, now," Sam muttered.

LINA

Goro finally moved his hands away from his mouth. He pulled his feet up on the bench and wrapped his arms around his legs. He tried to think what Sam was actually getting at. He pushed a die around on the table with his finger, frowning at it. "If we're going to keep working together," he muttered, "you'd rather it weren't shitty. Well, ain't that fucking flattering. How many hours is it gonna take, you think? Getting the artifact. I'm guessing not a lot. I walk you into the abbey, show you the vault. The end. Couple hours, maybe. Then you're free of me. Easy."

IZZY

"Motherfucker," Sam said under his breath. "Look, Goro. You know how you remember the woman I used to work with? Corinne? Yeah, she died fifteen years ago. You know how many people I've been friends with since then? Fucking zero. None. Tried. Went bad for me. Aziz says --." He stopped himself and took a breath, and clearly tried to talk more calmly. "Aziz says everyone I talk to won't ... be like that. And it's safe for me to try. So I'm trying. If you want me to fuck off and not bother you until it's time to take down the Church, sure. Fine. Fuck you, then. But I'm trying to give it a shot. I'm not trying to be fucking rid of you."

LINA

Goro fidgeted. He unfolded, putting his feet back on the floor so he could shuffle them there some more. He was getting that feeling, again, that Sam was a lot like him. And the two of them were like a couple of alley cats facing off, backs arched, fur standing on end.

He'd thought that before, too, and... something had made him change his mind. He'd got scared Sam was taking advantage of him. Maybe Sam was scared of people taking advantage of him too, though.

Goro looked down at his hands, clasping them on the table. "'Kay," he said quietly. "Um. Nah, I mean, it wouldn't... bother me, if you were around, or whatever. If we hung out." He twiddled his thumbs and looked off to one side. "I thought we were, y'know, kind of had stuff in common. Thought we could get along. But, um. I think that lots of times, people don't want me around, but they don't wanna say so. And it, uh, you know. Doesn't feel good, so uh. I try to just..."

He didn't know how to explain it. He shrugged.

IZZY

"If I didn't want you around," Sam said, blunt again, "I would just fucking walk off. And look at me. Sitting down like some kind of idiot."

He flicked one of Goro's dice towards him gently.

LINA

Goro stared at the dice glumly. He took another drink of coffee.

Still felt fucking bad. Being the person someone had to try to be friends with, 'cause it wasn't easy. He kept thinking about Mishka, how he'd been bubbling with barely-contained delight about that bounty hunter. Goro had sensed a softness, there. An ease.

He closed his eyes and wrapped both hands around his mug.

IZZY

Sam waited and watched him.

LINA

Goro opened his eyes and scraped all the dice back together. "Well. Um. D'you wanna..." He paused, wondering what it was that had made Sam think he was hitting on him, before. Maybe it was just Sam, and not Goro. Still, Goro couldn't figure out anything fun to invite him to do.

His mind wandered somewhere else. "Hey, uh. How come you didn't like Hansel?"

IZZY

He shrugged a shoulder. "Do you really want me to say?"

LINA

"Yeah."

IZZY

"He seems arrogant. Maybe that's reassuring to you." He shrugged again. "Seems like a liability to me."

LINA

Goro stared at him for a minute, shocked speechless.

"You're--you--" Goro jabbed a finger at him, still not quite finding the words. "Pride. Pride!"

IZZY

Another shrug.

LINA

"What the fuck."

IZZY

"You asked. I didn't think you'd fucking like it."

LINA

"Why the fuck do you like Pride if you don't like arrogance?"

IZZY

"Arrogance and pride aren't the same thing," Sam said, narrowing his eyes. "And that's not even the fucking thing that ... Look, I don't hate your fuckin' husband. But I don't like working with rookies who think they're tougher than they are."

LINA

"He's not my husband," Goro snapped.

IZZY

"Fiance, whatever."

LINA

Goro wiggled in his seat, fighting the urge to get up and storm off. He had asked. And Sam claimed to not like anyone, so.

"Why'd you like Mishka?" Not that there weren't plenty of fucking reasons available. Goro just wanted to know what the magic formula had been.

IZZY

"I don't know," Sam muttered.

LINA

Oh, fuckin' helpful. "You know, Mishka might take issue with the fact that you don't like his husband." Goro wasn't even sure that was true, it was just... something to say. A swing he could take.

IZZY

"Well, fuck me, then, I guess," Sam said flatly. "Back to square one."

LINA

Goro kinda felt like he'd been sucker punched. Well, fuck. The swing had landed, he guessed.

"I mean, he probably won't. Just saying you might wanna think about it." Goro scowled. "You got all fuckin' snitty about it when you thought I was dissing Aziz. You can't see why someone would take it personal?"

IZZY

"I wasn't going to fucking say anything," Sam snapped. "You asked."

LINA

"Yeah, but when you fucking told me I was wrong about Aziz, like maybe I oughta give him a chance, I listened. You ain't gonna return the favor?"

IZZY

"I fuckin' met him yesterday for five minutes. What do you want from me?"

LINA

"For you to maybe not judge him based on five minutes, yeah?"

IZZY

Sam pressed the heel of a hand into his eye, frustrated. "I'm not sending him to the fucking gallows, Goro. Maybe I'll change my fucking mind, yeah. I don't make a habit of going around telling people when I don't like them right off. You fucking asked!"

LINA

Goro dropped his head down, knocking it against the table a couple times. "I did. I fucking did, yeah." He sat up and rubbed his eyes, and sighed. "You wanna know what the problem is, Sam?" Goro looked at him, blinking, wincing. "The problem with us being friends?"

IZZY

"You're an asshole, and I'm an asshole?"

LINA

Goro shook his head. "Nah. I'm friends with lots of assholes." He kept wincing, like he was in pain. Which, he guessed, he was. "It's that you remind me of me. Like I was saying. And I fucking hate myself."

IZZY

Sam stared at him for a moment. Then he slid out of the booth, stepped over to Goro's side of it, and offered Goro his hand.

LINA

Goro leaned back like Sam was holding out a poisonous snake. "Wh--wh--what?" He reached out, tentatively.

IZZY

Sam waited for Goro to either properly take his hand, or refuse it.

LINA

Goro took his hand, cringing.

IZZY

Sam pulled him up and into an awkward hug. It was tight for a second, and then he quickly let go.

LINA

"Oh my god. What?" Goro started chewing his bracelet, still wincing.

IZZY

"Where's Hansel?" he asked firmly.

LINA

"Um. Upstairs?" Still chewing.

IZZY

"All right. Come on." He took a couple steps towards the stairs, looking back at Goro.

LINA

"Why," Goro mumbled miserably, but still following.

IZZY

"You need your fucking partner, is why."

LINA

Goro grumbled noncommittally and kept walking.

IZZY

"What room?"

LINA

"306," Goro mumbled. "Y'know, I ain't like... I dunno."

IZZY

"Ain't what?"

LINA

"I can do without him." He sounded uncertain.

IZZY

He paused. "Do you want to?"

LINA

"I mean. No. Never."

IZZY

"All right, then." He started up the stairs, but paused again and waved Goro ahead of him.

LINA

Goro tried to scoff, but it just came out as a weird wheeze. He trudged ahead, dutifully leading the way to his room.

He knocked on the door. "You decent?"

IZZY

Hansel made a puzzled eh? sound through the door.

Sam tapped Goro on the shoulder lightly with the back of his hand, and turned to head off.

LINA

"Wait," Goro said.

IZZY

He hesitated. "What?"

LINA

"Um." Goro looked down at his feet and scuffed one against the floor. "'M sorry."

IZZY

He shrugged.

There was a little scuffing from inside the room, and Hansel opened the door, decent. He narrowed his eyes at Sam and slipped his hand around Goro's.

LINA

"Um," Goro said again. Motherfucker. Where were the words.

IZZY

Sam glanced at Hansel, looked him up and down, then raised a hand slightly before turning again.

Hansel squeezed Goro's hand a little, protective.

LINA

"We'll. Maybe. Try again?" There, those were some words. "Sometime."

IZZY

"Yeah. Sure." He glanced back again, and directed it at Hansel. "He was talking about hating himself. So you should probably hug him or some shit."

"Fuckin' what now." Alarmed, Hansel wrapped around Goro more, and Sam slipped back off down the stairs.

LINA

"What? It's not like I don't do that all the time." Goro ducked his head and scratched the back of it.

IZZY

"Yeah, well ... don't." Hansel bundled him up and kissed his head a couple times, frowning. "The hell brought that on? What'd he do?"

LINA

"Acted like me."

IZZY

Hansel grunted, dissatisfied, but not able to argue.

LINA

Sam was out of sight, so Goro gave in and buried his face against Hansel's chest.

IZZY

Hansel held onto him and backed into the room, shutting the door. "You ... okay?"

LINA

"Need lotsa hugs," he said, muffled.

IZZY

"Mm." Hansel gave him a good squeeze. "I got you."

LINA

"All the time. 'M real needy."

IZZY

"Yeah, me too." Hansel cuddled him and nuzzled into his hair.

LINA

"Twenty hugs a day."

IZZY

"Twenty-four. One for every hour."

LINA

"Forty-eight."

IZZY

"This count as just one, or do we got it covered?"

LINA

"Just one. Mm. A hundred hugs. You got time?"

IZZY

"I'll make it," Hansel promised.

LINA

"Two hundred?"

IZZY

"Mm. Mmhm. Whatever you want, ahuv."

LINA

"A thousand."

IZZY

Hansel kept rubbing his beard against Goro's hair and made an agreeable sound.

LINA

"Ten thousand."

IZZY

"Aye."

LINA

"Millions."

IZZY

"Many as there's grains of sand in the world, how 'bout that?"

LINA

"Mm." Goro nodded. He turned his face to the side and took a deep breath. "He came to give me the scroll. Translated into Common, like Aziz promised. We talked for a while."

IZZY

"Yeah?" Hansel pulled him over to the bed to sit down. "Anything good?"

LINA

"No." Goro bristled, tensing up. "He said... he said he's gonna try harder, I guess, to be friendly. So it doesn't suck when we gotta work together. 'Cause it's so fucking hard to be my friend, I guess." He squeezed his eyes shut. "'Course it fucking is. I know that."

IZZY

Hansel scowled. "He fucking say that? Fucker." He stroked Goro's face and kissed his forehead. "It ain't fuckin' hard, shemeshi," he said, voice softening. He remembered Amari asking him, one time -- Do you find him difficult to love? And Hansel'd told her no, honestly, confused by the question. "Ain't hard to love you. Easiest fucking thing, okay?"

LINA

Goro grumbled softly. "Fuckin' ain't. You just think that 'cause you're... I dunno, loving and shit."

IZZY

"Oh, and I don't count, eh?" Hansel teased.

LINA

"Well, listen. You and Amari--greatest fucking people in the world, right? I love you both so fucking much. But you're--" He remembered Hansel got tetchy when Goro called him nuts. "You're drinking some weird Goro-loving juice or some shit."

IZZY

Hansel snorted.

LINA

Goro grumbled again. "He didn't... say it's hard to be my friend. Seems like he was saying it's hard, period, 'cause he never had any friends the past fifteen years. Outta practice, or whatever. But I--" He squeezed his eyes shut. It still hurt. He wasn't gonna say I don't make it easy again, since Hansel obviously didn't agree. "I dunno. He's too much like me. I could say the same goddamn thing, you know? No fucking friends, for years and years. The two of us, we're like a couple of angry cats, growling at each other."

IZZY

"Well ..." Hansel frowned, kinda lost. "That ain't your fuckin' fault." Supposed it wasn't Sam's either.

LINA

"Yeah. I guess not. Doesn't really matter, at the end of the day. All it means is, looking at him's like looking in a mirror sometimes. And I don't like it. Never liked mirrors." He hid his face again, like there might be one lurking nearby. Some renegade mirror ready to pop out and show him his face.

IZZY

Hansel kept frowning, stroking Goro's hair. He wanted to say, All right. Y'never have to look at him again. But Goro had signed that contract -- guaranteed he'd have to. Hansel wanted to fucking fix the situation somehow, tell Goro he could settle and relax and it'd be okay because Hansel would take care of it, but Hansel was fucking powerless here.

So he just petted Goro's hair, and kissed the top of his head. Wish I could make it better, he wanted to whisper, but it wasn't about him and how inadequate he was, wasn't gonna make it about him.

"All right," he said after a moment. "You ... you don't gotta like him. Ain't even gotta like yourself." He tightened around Goro and kissed his head again. Wasn't like Hansel didn't know a fuckin' thing or two about hating yourself. "I'll love you enough for the both of us, chatichi. I got you."

LINA

Goro squeezed him back. He didn't say anything for a while.

"How many hugs do you need?" he asked. He remembered Hansel saying he was needy, too.

IZZY

"All of'em," Hansel said, muffled against Goro's hair.

LINA

"Psssh. Constant hugging?"

IZZY

Hansel made an mmph of confirmation.

LINA

Goro smiled against him. "'Kay. I'm on the job."

IZZY

"Good," Hansel said, satisfied. He kissed Goro's hair and was quiet a moment, then said, "Sorry I can't ... help more."

LINA

"Mm?" Goro was momentarily confused. He guessed Hansel meant there wasn't anything he could do to make the problem go away for Goro.

He snuggled against Hansel more comfortably. "Thought I told you. It makes... all the difference in the world, having you. 'Cause I was always just fuckin' alone, and now I don't gotta be." Impulsively, he squeezed Hansel even tighter, almost afraid he was gonna just vanish, like in a dream.

IZZY

Hansel gave a doubtful mm. Wasn't enough. He held Goro back just as tight, though, and said, "A'right."

LINA

Goro scoffed softly. He could tell Hansel still didn't think it was enough.

"If you coulda seen me back then," he started, but didn't finish. Yeah, Hansel might be shocked and sad by how miserable Goro used to be. But... Goro guessed that probably wouldn't help. Might even make it worse. Make Hansel want Goro to be as happy as possible, all the time.

God knew, that was how Goro felt about Hansel. He still remembered how joyful Hansel had been when Goro gave him the sun ring. How he'd laughed and spun in a circle. So happy he couldn't get a grip on himself. It was one of the best things Goro'd ever seen.

"Just glad we're together," Goro whispered.

IZZY

"Yeah," Hansel said softly. "Me too." Still didn't feel like enough, but it was something. Wasn't nothing. "Love you."

LINA

"Love you, too."

IZZY

[END]

TRP: Goro, Hansel, and Sam (Mirror). Day 372. Sam comes by to give Goro the translated Aurilite scroll and thank Goro for trying to help him sleep. When Goro is uncomfortable around him, Sam picks at why, and then takes him to Hansel to receive restorative cuddles.