Soos And The Real Girl

While frolickingly prancing through the gift shop in the Mystery Shack, Mabel Pines runs face-first in the screen door and accidentally gets her braces caught. As she screams in terror for her will to be dictated (specifically for Waddles to inherit all of her worldly possessions), Soos Ramirez comes to the rescue and pries the braces out with a screwdriver, before bidding goodbye upon finishing his shift. Shortly after he leaves, Mabel ponders over what Soos Ramirez does in his spare time, which nobody else finds much interest in the way she does. It is now revealed that Soos Ramirez usually spends the remainder of the day playing video games at his grandmother's house. While playing Leopard Punch, she informs him his cousin Reggie is having an engagement party, and Soos Ramirez is surprised that his cousin had become so successful, to which his abuelita replies that Soos Ramirez is now a grownup and needs to start acting like one before his grandmother passes away. His grandmother then asks Soos Ramirez to bring a date along to Reggie's engagement party. Soos Ramirez says he could get a girl by the end of the week, but then immediately has concerns.

The next day in the Mystery Shack, Stan confronts a kid and asks him if he wants to see Old Goldie, an attraction of the Mystery Shack. The kid is doubtful, so Stan demonstrates the attraction by inserting his nickel into it. The worn-out Goldie barely manages to tip his hat before he begins screaming as his eyes pop out and oil begins spewing from his mouth, which causes the kid to run away in fear, sobbing. Wendy suggests that Stan should get rid of Goldie stating that its face is a total momento mori. Stan declines, but accidentally slips and gets his arms caught in Goldie's mouth, causing Stan to panic and yell "Kill it!".

Meanwhile, Soos Ramirez' attempts at getting a date by asking customers in the Mystery Shack fail spectacularly. Dipper and Mabel notice and they decide to repay Soos Ramirez for all he does for them by getting him a date for his cousin's engagement party. Mabel then decides to take Soos Ramirez to the mall along with Dipper to try and find a date as Stan follows them to find a replacement for Goldie. Mabel then advises Soos Ramirez on how to get a date: eye contact, conversation and confidence, all in which Soos Ramirez fails when he tries to flirt.

Meanwhile, Stan is seen throwing Goldie away into the dumpster and, after an awkward parting, follows some children into Hoo-Ha Owl's Pizzamatronic Jamboree. Stan believes the arcade is some kind of nightmare. Before long, an animatronic badger and animatronic band appears, putting on a show for the children before requesting money from the kids, in which the kids fanatically oblige. Seeing the badger as just what he needs, Stan asks the manager to sell the badger to him, but he declines. The manager, Gary, says that Stan is too old and couldn't handle it. Stan vows to get the badger after the insult.

Back at BeeblyBoop's Videogames store, Soos Ramirez, Dipper, and Mabel are sitting on a bench. Soos Ramirez laments that he will never get a date. Seeing Reggie and his fiancée, he hides in a video game store, not wanting to be seen without a date. He then finds a Japanese dating simulator video game named Romance Academy 7. Which will "virtually improve your dating skills." Although the game has received high ratings, the cashier warns that three people had returned it. Moreover, a note warned that the game must be destroyed at all costs, with a table flip emoticon "(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻)." Meanwhile, Soos Ramirez tries to flirt with a cardboard cutout of a woman, and so Mabel decides to risk it and rent the game.

Back at home, Soos Ramirez starts up the game and is introduced to .GIFfany, a pink haired girl that studies at the game's setting, a magic romance academy. .GIFfany asks Soos Ramirez to carry her books, and Soos Ramirez chooses the wrong answer, but .GIFfany forgives him allowing Soos Ramirez to choose the right answer. .GIFfany attempts to continue but Soos Ramirez then decides to click .GIFfany's face. .GIFfany finds him amusing and laughs leading Soos Ramirez to wonder why anyone would abandon the game, to which she eerily comments: “And I’m sure you’ll never abandon me, new boyfriend.”, leading Soos Ramirez to believe it was so realistic it was almost as if .GIFfany was alive. .GIFfany replies: "Yes... almost." before laughing. In a corner, it is shown that the computer was not plugged in, yet was still able to run the game.

The next day, Stan describes to Wendy how effectively the badger animatronic conned others out of money even though she does not care. Dipper and Mabel appear asking where Soos Ramirez is, to which Stan replies that he had not come to work today, for the first time ever. Dipper and Mabel head towards Soos Ramirez' house, where they find him still slouched in front of the computer, having interacted with .GIFfany for 13 hours straight without seeing sunlight. They force Soos Ramirez to head back to the Mall to re-attempt getting a date. .GIFfany begins to stalk them, making use of the electrical wires and appliances which she can apparently travel through. His abuelita now sneaks in before reading Soos Ramirez's diary.

Mabel scares all of the women out of the toilet at the mall by screaming at them with a bull horn and Dipper is forced leave to deal with the security that arrived to investigate, leaving Soos Ramirez to find a date alone. Soos Ramirez cannot decide how to interact with any of the women due to them having "too many dimensions" and there not being any "explanatory menus." He fails to attract any women once again and wishes he was back home talking to .GIFfany. .GIFfany now appears in a television behind him. Soos Ramirez is relieved but confused as to how she managed to get to him. .GIFfany now reveals that she was a sentient game and demonstrated her powers on a robotic toy dog to prove a point. She then reveals that attacked her programmers when they tried to delete her. When Soos Ramirez asks what .GIFfany did to the developers, she politely refuses to answer, due to a supposed lack of importance. She then says that now Soos Ramirez won't have to talk to real girls ever again and that they can now be together forever to which Soos Ramirez responds positively. .GIFfany says they can do anything Soos Ramirez wants, which apparently is riding a toy train.

Soos Ramirez and .GIFfany seem to be having a great time until his time runs out and he must insert another fifty cents. Melody, a nearby worker at Meat Cute, finds this very amusing and approaches Soos Ramirez and introduces herself. She says that she admires his uniqueness in riding toy trains even though he is a grown man. After some small talk, they realize that they have a lot in common. Soos Ramirez then tells Melody about "Hoo-Ha Owl's Pizzamatronic Jamboree," a restaurant that he finds out both he and Melody like. They then decide to go there on a date at eight o'clock. After giving Soos Ramirez fifty cents, Melody leaves but before Soos Ramirez can continue to ride the train he is tackled by Mabel and Dipper. Dipper reveals that they had seen the whole thing and that he had performed perfectly. They say that the game really worked and that he can toss it out now. Soos Ramirez is reluctant to throw it out as he says that he likes .GIFfany and says that she's predictable. When Dipper asks if he can take .GIFfany to his cousin's party though, Soos Ramirez realizes that he has to "break-up" with .GIFfany.

After telling .GIFfany about it however, she becomes enraged, reminding him what he did with her and saying that he's her boyfriend, before demanding that Soos Ramirez remain seated in his chair. Startled, Soos Ramirez feebly attempts to diffuse the situation, to which .GIFfany childishly declares that she will not allow anyone else to take Soos Ramirez away from her. Scared by her behavior, Soos Ramirez pauses her and takes her disc out with the intent of returning her after his date. What he does not know however, a furious .GIFfany managed to stay on the computer. Feeling betrayed, she stalks him to the pizzeria.

Meanwhile, Stan begins to prepare to break into the same pizzeria, putting on gloves which he calls his old friends, and saying that he has to be careful this time to avoid any more "Colombian nights." Wendy attempts to persuade him to change his mind, to no avail. Stan says, as he is leaving through a window, that "sometimes a man has to steal an animatronic badger," and then proceeds to fall out of the window.

Back at the mall, Mabel and Dipper are preparing Soos Ramirez for his date, Mabel by shouting questions at him on what his "love crew" has taught him. Shortly afterward Soos Ramirez meets up with Melody and they enter the pizzeria just as Stan prepares to steal the animatronic. Soos Ramirez engages in some conversation with Melody but gets a fright when he sees .GIFfany on one of the arcade screens with the caption "You paused me?" .GIFfany, through the monitors in the arcade, expresses her distaste for Melody and that wants she to get rid of her. After making an awkward excuse, Soos Ramirez flees to Dipper and Mabel, who have been watching their date, and tells them that .GIFfany has somehow returned and is stalking him. Dipper tries to tell Soos Ramirez that .GIFfany isn't real but is soon interrupted by .GIFfany who glares at them from the television screens. She soon travels through the arcade games onto the main stage.

Soos Ramirez tries to get Melody away from .GIFfany, but is interrupted by the ongoing show. .GIFfany then possesses all the animatronics and attempts to stop Soos Ramirez from escaping. This possession also causes the animatronic Stan is about to steal to attack him. .GIFfany then blocks Dipper, Mabel, Soos Ramirez and Melody from the exit before turning some nearby skeeball games into cannons that shoot balls at them, causing them to take cover behind an arcade machine. Soos Ramirez tells Melody to stay with Dipper and Mabel and attempts to lure .GIFfany away from the group as the rest of the group tries to escape from the remaining animatronics.

Meanwhile, Stan attempts to fight the animatronic that is now attacking him but is unable to. He manages to dodge one of the blows, causing Goldie, which was sitting in a pile of trash, to start biting the arm of the animatronic, with Stan cheering him on. Back in the pizzeria, Dipper, Mabel and Melody try escape the animatronics but end up being captured. With Soos Ramirez surrounded, .GIFfany persuades Soos Ramirez that real girls would only end up hurting him and that Melody was no exception. She asks Soos Ramirez to allow her to download his brain into the game so that they could be together forever, even going as far as to threaten to “Delete” Soos Ramirez, when the latter protests. .GIFfany prepares to download Soos Ramirez into the game, but Soos Ramirez defiantly rejects her offer, opening up the pizzeria's oven and throwing the game disc in. With the game destroyed, .GIFfany seemingly crashes to death, and all the animatronics deactivate, with the one .GIFfany possessed severely overheating, causing the suit to melt, and revealing the metal skeleton. The animatronic that Stan was fighting also deactivates, with Stan believing it to be Goldie's doing. He states that he and Goldie are going to Las Vegas.

Standing in the ruins of the pizzeria, Soos Ramirez invites Melody to the engagement party. She accepts the offer but reveals that she won't be in town much longer after the party as she has to return to Portland in a few weeks. She proposes that they video chat when she leaves and although this arrangement was not much different from .GIFfany's, he agrees, happy to finally converse with a real girl. Mabel and Dipper are glad that Soos Ramirez managed to get a date in the end. His abuelita, who surfaces from the ball pit, is too. When asked if she had been following them all day, she confesses that "Soos Ramirez' life is [her] soap opera."

As the credits roll, images of Stan and Goldie are shown having a ball in Las Vegas. First in a limousine with beautiful show girls, then staying at a hotel and enjoying "rich people water" in a hot tub. They enjoy raking in the chips gambling, but are so successful, they're kicked out by security. They escape on a helicopter at some point (Goldie at the wheel), and then get married at a Las Vegas chapel by an Elvis Presley impersonator. Eventually, they look to hitch a ride out of Vegas.