Classic Adventures of PWNage! No. 1: New Kids

## The Story

On his way home from work, Ejay Brocks is pumped up, trying to contain his excitement. He bursts into his home, immediately flying to his computer and applying for the first ever EDF Hero Competition, hoping to become the newest member. He fills out the form to join, along with a link to a video of his abilities, before sending it in and nearly exploding with excitement.

He watches Chad's stream, where he gushes about Chad's compliments to his skill, and all around awe of his abilities like a fangirl. His mother calls his name from downstairs, saying that dinner is ready. He yells that he's coming as he giddily flies to the table with the rest of his family.

"So, big day tomorrow huh son?" Asks his jolly portly father.

"Yeah, I'm super stoked. It's gonna be great!" Ejay replies excitedly.

"I knew I'd see the day you make an extra dollar at work bud, just knew it!" He says with a laugh almost as fat as himself. "I'm just kiddin' boy. Hopefully this goes well so you can burn that dump to the ground!"

"Martin!" Exclaims Ejay's mother.

"Bwhat? It's not my fault he's the only worker there that can get my damn order right! He's my SON! That shouldn't be the bar!" He says entirely serious.

"You're gonna do great sweetheart." His mother says reassuringly.

"You should've heard what they said about me! You'd find less amazement at the damn circus!" Ejay says confidently.

"No cursing in front of your brother, young man." Says his mother, pointing her fork at him, and then his little brother, who's head seems to be entirely full of air.

Ejay apologizes, as his older sister buds in.

"I saw some of the other contestants videos, and I can confidently say they're gonna pick you." She drones scrolling through her phone.

"Oh, thanks!" Ejay says, not expecting her kindness.

"Because all the other guys are complete ass." She mentions without lifting her eyes. Their mother asks if there is any decency at the table, annoyed, as their father chuckles like an old pirate.

"Ejay, I think they'll pick you because you actually wanna help people! That's what I would do!" Encourages his younger sister Cassidy. He thanks her, and his father joins in as well.

"I think they'll pick you because you're my SON! They need a strong buck like you to keep up with their old heads!" He nudges his shoulder.

"Dad, the Oldest guy there is like... 30." Ejay drops his eyelids at his dad.

"Wow... They're making 'em young these days." Ejay's father scratches the back of his head with his massive hand. "They've been here for 7 years now. That makes them even young-"

"Shut up son. I'm not ready for this breakdown right now. Let Papa have a crisis on a full stomach won't ya?" He tries to say, stuffing his face.

His mother chimes in as well. "I think Cassidy is right. I think they'll pick you because they'll see the ray of sunlight Mi Hijo truly is. I can't remember a time you weren't trying to do the right thing."

"I THINK THEY'll PICK THEIR NOSE!!" yells Ray, Ejay's vacant minded little brother.

"Thank you Raybo." Says Ejay, unamused.

Ejay's Abuelita gently grasps his hand with both of hers.

"My sweet CheChe, I know you'll make it. This is tu destino, niño de dios." She puts her finger on his forehead.

"Theres a reason you are able to fly, and we are stuck down here like bugs. You are chosen to protect the world my CheChe, and I know they will know that as soon as they see you."

Ejay is speechless.

"Wow... thank you Abuelita. That means... so much." he says a bit tearfully."

"I mean it CheChe." she kisses his hand.

The view is of the table, as they all eat. The next day, Ejay is at work in his job at Ground Pound, a muffin shop. He sits kinda bored behind the desk, watching the clock go by. A man comes in and gets a muffin, before pulling a weird look at Ejay while he makes his order.

"You alright?" Ejay asks concerned.

"You're that kid. I saw you on that video in the news a few weeks ago! Daugh... The... Legend of that highschool or whatever! You got a superhero name right? Oh crap, should I not talk about it?"

"Dude it would be literally impossible to keep my identity a secret. Besides, I've got a good feeling I'm gonna be pretty well known soon anyway. I'm headed to the EDF tryouts here in a minute."

"It's 11:30. No way your shift ends that early." The customer squints.

"Oh yeah, I got that covered. Don't worry."

"Well I saw some of what Pwnhammer was sayin bout you."

"What, the Goku Ballerina thing?"

"What? No. You REALLY got him on the rocks. He is absolutely wow'ed about you! My Son is too. That's how I know the first damn thing about that Blue Goofball."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm sayin you might win that tryout shindig by just showin up! He's got the hots for ya!"

"Eugh don't say that."

"Yeah whatever. Uhhh how much do I owe ya?"

"Y'know what?" Ejay slips some apple pies into the bag. "Just take it."

"For real?!" Asks the man, astonished.

"Yep. My good-deed of the day."

"Damn kid... You really are a hero. I'll remember this, Edwin!" The man exclaims leaving the store.

"It's Ejay." He says semi-disappointed, but mostly just satisfied the guy is happy.

"Brocks." A harsh voice bellows from behind him. Ejay turns around to see his boss. "Office. At once."

Inside his office, Ejay has no expression of worry.

"So,,," Grumbles his manager.

"So..?: Ejay mimics.

"You think just because you got superpowers that you're all better than us worker bees down here?"

"Isn't that, like, what superior means? Also bees can fly too."

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT. You can't just give away free food because a guy is nice to you!"

"Hey I gotta go soon can you just fire me?"

"N- Wait huh?" The Boss stops dead in his tracks.

"Yeah like... I gotta go like nyeow."

"You're uh... Fired?"

Ejay pulls a dissatisfied look. "Cmon like you mean it."

"You, are fired!" Says the manager flamboyantly.

"Ugh." Ejay steps on his foot, making him hop up and grab it.

"YOW!! EJAY!! YOU'RE FIRED!!!" The Boss screams at him, while a giddy expression crawls onto his face. "Thank you!! Bye!!"

Ejay flies off into the sky. At the competition, Chad, Spiral, and Aiden sit at the table in front of a crowd of costumed fellows. Spiral asks if he thinks the kid Chad was talking about would show up, and tries to come up with a name for him, trying "Chloro-Kid". Chad says that that name sounds like a child who kidnaps people.

Bergus crawls up on the table with a little ear piece, signing to Aiden that they are on in 5 minutes. Aiden lets the other two know, and Chad gets the attention of the crowd. As he is welcoming them all, a green glow begins to get closer and closer from the sky. Chad asks what it is, when it collides with the ground, revealing Ejay Brocks. The crowd claps on the landing, and cheer for his arrival. Ejay smiles, bowing to everyone, when he hears a crack under his foot.

Ejay looks at the bottom of his shoe, and is shocked to see a man splattered on his foot.

"Oh shit! I'm sorry man! I didn't see you!" Apologizes Ejay.

"Nah my bad... I should've waited to get small.." Says the splattered man, growing back to his regular size. "I'm just gonna sit down over here." He walks away, holding his back like an old man.

Chad welcomes Ejay, ecstatic that he could make it, and tells him he's just in time for them to begin. Behind them, the curtains drop as the stage spins around to reveal the obstacle course the heroes will be partaking in. He counts them all down, and begins a montage of activities for different challenges the heroes may face in the fight.

The Challenge is nearing its end, and most of the contestants don't even have good powers, if any at all for that matter. Only 3 remained, Johnny Kix, the boy without pain, Super David, with more than average strength, and the myth of Midwood high, Ejay Brocks.

The three face off against eachother in an American Ninja esque obstacle course, with Ejay being the only one to make it through unscathed.

All three judges were impressed, and Ejay thought he had made it, when the crowd was covered in a large shadow. The crowd turned in horror to see a giant floating head, Spyron's Ship was looming above. A harsh, electric voice spoke over the crowd's screams, telling them to run away, which they obliged with.

The 3 sprung into action, with Ejay contemplating if he should assist, until he realized that while the main heroes were fighting their adversaries, people were in danger.

A teenage boy and his girlfriend were trying to run, her pulling on him frozen with fear, as a giant talon from the ship came crashing town on them. The girl screamed, hearing the impact, but opened her eyes to see Ejay, holding it up above them. The boy had saved their lives, and rushed them away.

He flew all around, catching debris and lifting people to safety, until enough was enough, and it was time for him to take real action.

The fight inside the ship raged on, with the heroes battling the villains, each landing good hits on eachother. Spyron and Myrna jumped back once more, preparing for the EDF's next attack, before Ejay burst through the eye of the ship, and socked him in the gut at high speeds. The punch launched him through the wall into the ship's unstable generator, which fissured again, launching him back, and slamming into the wall.

Myrna was shocked, but Chad relieved her with a sucker smack to the back of the head, before tossing her to her brother.

The Ship was doomed, and all seemed hopeless, as they panicked, attempting to come up with some sort of plan, for the coming explosion, until Ejay had an idea. He grabbed the three heroes and threw them out of the hole he created, and all of them began screaming at him to stop, as he pushed the ship far out into the ocean.

They stood there shocked, watching as the ship got farther and farther away, until it eventually lit up across the coast, sending a shockwave toward them. Broken hearted, they slumped down feeling guilty, when suddenly a green light burst from the water, and Spyron and Myrna slapped hard on the ground like dead fish, as Ejay floated down gently, before collapsing as he touched the ground, Aiden catching him.

"That was some obstacle course guys..." Ejay joked, before lightly chuckling, and passing out.

Chad, Spiral, and Aiden lift him up in front of the crowd, as they begin to cheer, and he is crowned the newest member of the Earth Defense force.

\*after credits page\*

Spyron drags Myrna away somewhere safer, and helps her up.

Both grovel about the failure, but Spyron doesn't feel entirely defeated, as he pulls something out of his pocket.

He cackles, as Myrna joins in with a chuckle, for he is holding a perfectly extracted canine tooth.

## Trivia

* The tooth in the after credits panel belongs to Spiral, and is the #1 source of his DNA used to create Circa later.
* They Hero Ejay Lands on's name is Shrinky-Dink