The Ancient Testament

### ***Tony is eternal***.

In the beginning, before even the concept of creation was invented, there was Tony.

He created our universe on a mere whim with the Big Bang, and created the second stack of reality underneath his Higher Realm. Tony also created the first race of Titans and Gods, with most being lost to history. Along with these beings, Tony made 3 cosmic entities: Chukwudi, The Harbinger and The Narrator.

After all this he made humankind.

Within each stack of reality other universes also came into existence, but the portals between stacks and universes were too dangerous for any being to traverse without preparation and adequate technology.

Humanity was first cared for by benevolent creatures such as Prometheus, who brought them fire. The first fire brought by Prometheus was enriched with holy qualities, capable of forging many powerful creations, but could not be harnessed to its full potential by any entity without the knowledge of Tony.

The ancient Gods each had their own worshippers, who were ignorant to the real omnipotent deity, some wrote their beliefs down as mythology.

As humanity evolved, they were made aware of the existence of Tony himself, and he blessed them with knowledge and brainpower. Humanity soon built a grand city in the name of the Messiah out of advanced materials and with legendary techniques with architecture like no other. The few who truly understood the godliness and divinity of Tony created a cult, and began performing rituals and prayer to honour Tony who gave them 10 governing commandments on stone tablets. The cult also possessed a chest forged of divine obsidian, and it contained Tony’s 10 commandments, secrets of supernatural power. The humans sealed it in a secure vault with archaic symbols to fortify it against spells and witchcraft.

However a majority of humanity became possessed by the malicious forces of the devil, Joe Tillen. He was able to lure them with temptation at the power of the chest. They began to detest Tony, and exiled the cult of the Messiah to a region which is now known as Zimbabwe.

Soon the depraved Tillen worshippers attempted to find, and slaughter, all remaining cultists, as they were still alive and posed a threat to Joe Tillen. They searched across mountains and oceans, until every centimetre of the earth had been searched, but the cult was still not found.

Although they were in Zimbabwe, the devoted cult of Tony used the power granted to them to conceal themselves, making themselves imperceptible to the puny minds of the blasphemous Tillen worshippers. But Joe Tillen was determined to conquer Tony with the secret knowledge held within the sacred chest. Joe wanted to eliminate the last remaining devoted cultists to make himself the worshipped God. He somehow believed that he could overthrow Tony’s position and become the supreme being, but his meagre powers were nothing compared to Tony.

His puny little mind could not possibly comprehend Tony’s sheer power and divinity, and his brainwashed pack of followers were equally as degenerate.

After years of scouring the earth repeatedly for the cult, Tillen finally gave up, and decided to kill the other gods to try to become the One Above All, a title only Tony could truly hold. He fought the other Gods in the heavens, and soon they all waged war on one another. Even though they were gods by name, they were corrupted by greed, jealousy, deceit and power.

The ancient gods from mythology were easily slain by Joe Tillen, and any who were not dead or wounded had either been sealed away for eternity, or had fled the chaotic war. This was the first brutal conflict, and Joe Tillen was the first to kill, wound and steal. He stole the seas and the skies, but there was one place he could not conquer: The city of man.

Even though he possessed a huge army with magical equipment and formidable abilities, humanity fought back with their weapons which Tony had blessed with magical powers many centuries ago. He knew humankind would all worship him in the end, and decided they should be mostly preserved.

The humans who defected to the side of evil, of Joe Tillen, were brutally slaughtered by the humans who remained in the city. Even though the humans did not acknowledge Tony, they would eventually come to realise that he was the only true omnipotent being.

Joe Tillen himself was eventually slain by Chukwudi to end his rampage of corruption and depravity. However he kept the existence of evil, because it was necessary to outbalance good. The remains of Tillen were scattered in the polar areas, and they were left undiscovered. However his remains, although they were mangled and burnt into derelict ash, still radiated heat and devilish energy.

After the fall of Joe, the world was still for a few decades. The earth replenished the ravaged lands which had been burnt and destroyed during the first war for power.

Forests grew where there was once grassland, but some places were beyond repair, and became deserts, and the polar regions were frozen in ice, locking away Tillen’s remains and grave in the deep caves of the Arctic and Antarctica, containing the demonic forces which still radiated from Tillen’s remains.

All remaining Tillenists were exterminated, cleansing the earth of unholy vermin.

Many decades passed, and humans flourished, rebuilding the city, which had been partially damaged during Tillen’s conquest. They built giant temples and buildings, but dedicated them to fictional deities which were not real and presented huge amounts of riches and treasures which had been excavated from the bountiful land. The old temples for Tony were abandoned and most crumbled into dust which was consumed by the sands of the Earth.

Many powerful entities attacked the city in an attempt to take the fabled contents of the Ark, but they were crushed by the enchanted weapons which the corrupted humans wielded. They fended off enemies from all directions, until, from the west, came the Karens.

These abominations were degenerate, deceitful, decrepit, annoying, absurdly irrational and most of all, consumed by evil and desire. They were the embodiments of pure evil itself, and longed for the riches which were embedded in the land near the first city of humanity and the amount of people they could slaughter. The Karens consisted of 3 entities: Rachel Edmunds, Helen Holgate and Dambaza.

They commanded a huge, fearsome army of idiotic female dickheads who were immense karens themselves who were all driven by greed and their contorted perception of reality. The amount of malicious evil they unleashed was able to penetrate the durable walls which were supposed to withstand nearly all assaults.

All remaining allies were summoned to aid in retaliation, even forming alliances with remaining Gods and mythological creatures. However all of these supposedly extremely powerful entities were slain and butchered by the Karens without much hassle. The Sky Gods were struck down by lightning which was made of pure evil, which withered and obliterated anything it struck. Creatures from the land and sea were exterminated by the absurd logic and the irritation it caused which Karens radiate.

The Karens were immune to the enchanted weapons which humankind used, and they were able to massacre many in the city and destroy the structures which had withstood centuries of assault and weathering.

But before they were able to fully take the city, the long lost cult of Tony which had been exiled so many centuries ago returned and were able to kill the Karens with 3 powerful weapons which possessed divine powers to counter the Karens’ abilities.

The Karens and their army were swiftly exterminated, and they could not counter the powers which the weapons harnessed. Every follower of the Karens was mercilessly mangled and mutilated, and the Karens themselves were tortured and slashed to pieces, then thrown into a portal to a parallel dimension, which disintegrated them into oblivion.

But the war caused the remnants of the city of man disintegrated to dust, and the technology and enchanted weapons were either broken or lost. Except for the 3 weapons and the holy chest.

They had previously been harnessed by the elite high priests of the cult of Tony, but the power had corrupted some mediocre priests, who wanted to seize the weapons for themselves. The weaker followers started to fight against the high priests, and tore apart the cult. Some high priests also fought against the elite, initially as a group, but greed and mistrust broke apart all alliances and drove the cult into an internal war. The highest priests refused to use the powerful artefacts to fight against the weaklings who were no longer true followers of Tony.

The corruption of the cult and wars of Joe Tillen and the Karens had started the inevitable downfall of all. The elite priests disappeared, taking the coveted weapons with them. But before vanishing, they created another chest in place of the Ark, hoping to distract any blasphemous hunters who desired its power and hid the real Ark somewhere deep within the Earth, hoping it would not be found and tempt any more mortals,

The faith of Tony has been spread to few in our generation, and this testament aims to convert the unholy critics of our religion to see the true and rightful beliefs.

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