The Horseless Headman

Hello there BOILS AND GHOULS, it is I, CREEPS, doing some CREEPING AROUND my CASTLE here heh-heh.  Ah, FEAR'S A TALE that has a lot of HORSE SENSE in it IN-STEED hee-hee-hee!  I name this PUTRID-PONYTALE...

Back on August 22nd, 1832, a horseman rode through the town of Smithington, Maine one night.  A bartender was sweeping the floor of a tavern and the horseman walked into it.  "Good evening, sir, I sm just riding through ye village of Smithington here and thirst" the horseman said to the bartender.  "Ah, good evening sir.  Welcome to Smithington here.  Allow me to pour ye a drink" the bartender said in reply with a grinning-face.  "Thank ye.  I fancy some rum if ye have any please" the horseman stated and sat down up, at the bar.  "Why, yes indeed sir" the bartender answered, went behind the counter and poured rum from out of a bottle into a glass.  "Thank ye sir" the horseman said and drank his rum.  "Ye are quite welcome sir.  It 'tis free no charge" the bartender smiled and explained.  Six minutes later, the horseman got back on his horse outside the tavern and was shot in the back, causing the horse to whinny in fear.  He screamed, falling to the dirt-road and three robbers ran across the dirt road to him.  "Good evening there sir.  We are stealing ye currency, so ye shall have to die" one of the robbers said to the horseman, aimed his pistol down at the horseman, shot and killed him.  The horse let out a whinny a second time and galloped away.   The other two robbers grabbed a sack of coins out of his coat-pockets and the three of them ran, as the bartender ran out of his tavern and gasped in horror at the horseman's corpse.
One year later, on the evening of August 22nd, 1833, one of the robbers walked into the tavern.  "Ah, good evening sir.  What do ye thirst for?" the bartender inquired of him as he sat down at the bar.  "Good evening.  May I have a pint of ye whiskey please sir?" the robber replied, asking.  "Why, yes indeed" the bartender answered and poured Jim Beam Whiskey from a bottle into a glass then.  "Ye do realize that on this eve one year ago, 'tis when those thieves robbed that poor horseman right outside here sir?" the bartender asked the robber.  "Yes indeed sir.  That horseman was riding through Smithington here that evening and one of them shot him to death" he responded and drank down his whiskey.  "Why, yes, poor fellow" the bartemder said with a saddened look on his face.  Four minutes later, the robber walked out of the tavern and walked up the small hill of the dirt-road.  The sound of whistling was heard then, and it was of the song "Yankee Doodle".  The robber reached the top of the hill and the whistling of Yankee Doodle was just up, ahead of him by the woods.

The dead horseman stood nearby the woods and was the one whistling "Yankee Doodle".  He was a ghostly-zombie who was also a ghastly-skeleton, peering at the robber with his ghastly eye sockets with deep blue pupils within them.  The ghostly-skeleton of the horseman stood in his light brown colonial-coat with the white collar, golden buttons, white britches, black boots and light-brown hat with the white band around it, just whistling away.  The robber gasped stopping and blinking fast at the longer, curly, white haired-horseman who seemed to have a white glow around him, the zombie pulled a hatchet out of tree stump and quickly plunged it into the shadowy-chest of the robber, murdering him.  The shadowy-body of the robber fell backwards, down the hill, as the dead horseman kept on whistling the tune.  The ghostly-skeleton stopped whistling then, glanced around and spoke with a hoarse voice: "here Winston boy.  Where are ye at my grand steed?".  One year later, on August 22nd, 1834, the two remaining robbers passed the tavern that night together.  "Ye recall what this evening 'tis, William?" the one robber asked the second one.  "Why, yes, indeed Thomas.  Last year on this night, 'tis thy evening our Friend Henry 'twas murdered by thou ghostly zomof of thy horseman whom I murdered and we robbed" William replied to him.  "Yes, Henry's body 'twas found beheaded by a few women whom claim to have seen thy ghostly-zombie" Thomas said.  Thomas and William reached the bottom of the hill and suddenly heard the whistling of "Yankee Doodle" up, the hill.  William and Thomas walked up the cobblestone hill, got to the top of it and peered into the ghostly-skeletal-face of the dead horseman.  He stopped whistling Yankee Doodle and pulled the hatchet out of the tree stump by the woods.

Both William and Thomas screamed in horror, as the ghostly-zombie plunged the hatchet into the shadowy-chest of Thomas.  Thomas gasped for air then and fell to the ground dead.  The living dead horseman grinned an eerie grin at William and William ran back down the hill, screaming in terror.  Then, there was the sound of a beheading from up, on top of the hill, causing the robber to scream louder and run faster.  The ghostly zombie of the horseman picked up a shadowy-object with his skeletal-hand at the top of the hill, drove the hatchet back into the tree-stump and spoke out in his hoarse voice: "here Winston boy.  Where are ye my steed?".  One year later, on August 22nd, 1835, William was in a house, sitting within a chair in a parlor reading "Hamlet By William Shakespeare" among candlelight.  The grandfather-clock inside the hallway chimed: "10:00 p.m." and William looked up from his book.  He set Hamlet down by the candle on the small table, got up and looked out the parlor-window.  The tavern was across the cobblestone-street and the sound of a horse whinnying was heard from somewhere outside.  William went out, into his hall and opened his front door.  He nervously looked out.  There was the sound of somebody walking down the hill and William gasped in fear, shut the door and latched it.  He rushed back into his parlor and pulled the curtains shut in front of the window.  He sat back down in his chair and something rolled across the floor.  William looked down and at his feet, there was a skull.  He gasped in terror and a second skull rolled across the floor, stopping at his feet.  He looked into the darkened-corner of the parlor and there was the ghostly-zombie of the horseman.

The living-dead horseman whistled Yankee Doodle and gazed at his murderer with his deep-blue pupils within his rotten-eye-sockets.  "Thy Horseless Headman!!" William uttered in fright at the dead horseman and The Horseless Headman laughed, grinning, as he tipped his hat to him.  Then The Horseless Headman walked over to William and picked up the human skulls.  "Good evening sir.  These two skulls are of ye two Friends Henry and Thomas whom I murdered.  Fore I am known as Thy Horseless Headman and have taken their heads fore robbing me.  I have come this evening here to take ye head fore murdering and robbing me" the ghostly-skeleton of the horseman said, explaining in his hoarse voice to William.  Screaming, William leaped across his chair and ran into his hallway.  When he came to his front door, The Horseless Headman ran and drove the hatchet into William's back from behind within the shadows, ending his screams and murdering him.  The corpse of William fell to the floor and as The Horseless Headman began whistling "Yankee Doodle", he ripped the hatchet out of the body's back in the shadows, rose it and brought it down in the shadows with the sound of decapitation.  Moments later, The Horseless Headman was outside William's cottage on his horse.  "Good boy, Winston.  It 'tis quite splendid to have found ye my grand steed" the ghostly zombie said to it in his hoarse voice, having a big sack around his dead shoulder.  The Horseless Headman rode away on Winston up, the hill and into the woods, with him whistling Yankee Doodle once more.

   Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha!  The Horseless Headman had some nice SKULLS IN CHOPPING eh, kiddies?  He was FRIGHT A-HEAD OF HIS TIME too heh-heh-heh.  It was nice to see his horse Winston well and alive in the end unlike MR. DEAD in the t.v. program hee-hee!