Other Smash Takes

The following are quotes from Deep Leffen that did not quite fit in other sections well.

## Rock Paper Scissors Analogies

**Prompt: *Everybody says that Smash is a game of rock paper scissors. This couldn't be further from the truth. Smash is more like a game of...***

* Smash is more like a game of lawn darts. The longer you play, the less likely you are to make it out alive.
* Smash is more like a game of Hasbro's Elefun & Friends. If you want to succeed, you need to understand that this game is about so much more than just making friends with elephants.
* Everybody says that Smash is a game of rock, paper, scissors. This couldn't be further from the truth. Smash is more like a game of Milton Bradley's Gator Golf. Yeah, it might seem like you're having fun, but at the end of the day, it's all just bullshit crocodile gimmicks and a meta that hasn't evolved since 1995.
* Smash is more like a game of Mancala. Remember to wear shoes and socks, boys, because things are about to get WILD.
* Smash is more like a game of Hasbro's Mousetrap. If you want an authentic experience you need to spend hours setting it up and by the time you're done, you're physically and mentally exhausted since your diet consists largely of pancakes and soda.
* Smash is more like a game of Etch-a-Sketch. If you're not good at it, it's not that fun to play. And if you are good at it, there are probably better ways to have fun.
* Smash is more like a game of Twister. If you're going to succeed, you need to learn advanced tech like crouch canceling and pelvis thrusting.
* Smash is more like a game of Yatzee. It might seem like luck, but there are ways to improve your chances of winning by memorizing complex mathematical formula that undergirds the physics engine of reality.
* Smash is more like a game of Go Fish. If you can coerce your friends into playing a game that nobody really enjoys, you'll be guaranteed a top 8 of any tournament regardless of how good you are.
* Smash is more like a game of Chutes & Ladders. Everybody thinks the hardest part is going down the Chute, but just wait until you get to the Ladder stage.
* Smash is more like a game of Jenga, if Jenga were more like Smash.

## Trash Talk (The Blast Zone References)

* *“How about instead of spending all your time tech chasing, you spend a little more time chasing your dreams?  And while you’re doing that, I’ll be carrying your ass to the blastzone.”*
* *"Please just let me back on stage. My mom's in the audience and I’m just trying to make her proud. Probably won’t be able to afford the operation if I don’t win tonight."*

And while your opponent is contemplating that, you can introduce their dumbass to the blast zone.

## Miscellaneous

* *“Anyone who claims that being a good player does not require him/her to be at least semi-openly racist is flat out lying, so yeah”*
* *“Top player privilege is people being hateful and toxic towards you even when you have the best of intentions. I am a gamer capable of playing over five characters. Aren't I allowed to be happy?”*
* *“Sometimes I worry that I spend too much time labbing my DDD, the GC controller I play on, and my T-Poses instead of spending time with my grandfather.”*
* *“It sucks that the announcer always says "Go!" and not just "Hey guys good luck on your match. I fucking love this game. I'm a Luigi main and the Luigi series is the second most played game in the world. After this, let's play Mario Kart DS."”*
* *“I’m as tall as a bird and main every character. Who the fuck are you?”*
* *No johns, but I didn’t fucking lose. 1. I had a horrible headache the entire set. 2. I didn’t even watch the last match. 3. You’re being a bit unreasonable. 4. I barely even play my main. 5.  My combo game is shit. 6. I was kinda schmovin. 7. I had a seizure a few moments ago.*
* *Is anyone else getting this notification on the character select screen that you can't choose your mains anymore because they’ve been "fucking sick" for way too long and need time to recover?*
* *You can fight the best player in the world yet still be defeated by a character and not the person. And what if you don't have friends? Don't worry, I'm here to help you with that.*
* *“For me, Smash has never been about being the best in your neighborhood or even being the best of all time. It's about being the best version of you that you can be, having a good time, and forgiving yourself for being a toxic asshole because your Banjo is low-key kinda nice.”*
* *“Disadvantage state is never knowing what it's like to struggle at a video game. Disadvantage state is everybody assuming that you're carried by talent instead of hard work. Disadvantage state is never having to put in a day of hard work because of how fucking sick your talent is.”*
* *“When the dopamine subsides and the excitement of winning fades, one thing becomes palpably clear. It is the bitter taste of defeat, the mind-numbing monotony of the grind, and the maddening despair of falling short — over and over again — that makes winning worth wanting.”*
* *"Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one with big holes in my game and I'm just looking for a friend to fill those holes."*
* *A train is barreling towards a Sonic and Ness co-main. You can divert the train to track 2 where you have jokingly tied your bracket demon. There is also a fat man on a bridge who you have every reason to believe is a kind and loving man. How swiftly do you kill him?*
* *There are two types of people in the world. Those that sit back and camp, and those that hold forward. And then there's me. Knee deep in a tub of petroleum, fucked up on Jamba Juice, just wondering when we’re supposed to smash our brothers.*
* *if you find yourself getting "the heck beaten out of you" in online arenas, i don't really know what to tell you except that my mom probably isn't going to let me play with you anymore if you keep doing those cusses.*
* *Just realized that my privilege prevents me from reaching my full gaming potential as I’ll never be able to play life on the hardest setting. So I’ve been thinking: what if we just eliminated racism and sexism to level the playing field? I can get started drawing up some plans, and you guys might even find yourselves paying me handsomely for them.*

## References

1. ↑  https://twitter.com/DeepLeffen/status/1335994865440657409?s=20
2. ↑  https://twitter.com/DeepLeffen/status/1336023399508946947?s=20
3. ↑  https://twitter.com/DeepLeffen/status/1336046975989510144?s=20
4. ↑  https://www.patreon.com/posts/smash-is-not-of-44780519
5. ↑  https://twitter.com/DeepLeffen/status/1280889527549210624?s=20
6. ↑  https://twitter.com/DeepLeffen/status/1291375956960129028?s=20
7. ↑  https://twitter.com/DeepLeffen/status/1241916477080342528?s=20
8. ↑  https://twitter.com/DeepLeffen/status/1247922915288309760?s=20
9. ↑  https://twitter.com/DeepLeffen/status/1247636924010860544?s=20
10. ↑  https://twitter.com/DeepLeffen/status/1247958517849288705?s=20
11. ↑  https://twitter.com/DeepLeffen/status/1250114420992126978?s=20
12. ↑  https://twitter.com/DeepLeffen/status/1251242701024083969?s=20
13. ↑  https://twitter.com/DeepLeffen/status/1298628333098369025?s=20
14. ↑  https://twitter.com/DeepLeffen/status/1241943952997019648?s=20
15. ↑  https://twitter.com/DeepLeffen/status/1276955967029153793?s=20
16. ↑  https://twitter.com/DeepLeffen/status/1285601031980630017?s=20
17. ↑  https://twitter.com/DeepLeffen/status/1282391990429200388?s=20
18. ↑  https://twitter.com/DeepLeffen/status/1244105717763751937?s=20
19. ↑  https://twitter.com/DeepLeffen/status/1300464620482691076?s=20
20. ↑  https://twitter.com/DeepLeffen/status/1333823230851866624?s=20
21. ↑  https://twitter.com/DeepLeffen/status/1336726738978615298?s=20
22. ↑  https://twitter.com/DeepLeffen/status/1338898647010992128?s=20
23. ↑  https://twitter.com/DeepLeffen/status/1338899078495744006?s=20