Solo Log: "Do Not Return to Danor"

**Quital Hunt, 501 AOV - Trekhom**

Gatria had argued against it, and Cleone understood her point. Agreed, even, up to a limit. But Gatria has her own life and Cleone has hers, and the woman closest to a home Cleone’s ever had is something Gatria won’t understand. So she spends an evening at the tiny hotel room desk scratching words onto a tiny piece of paper, counting them, scratching them out again, and doing everything over until she has a message that she hopes conveys enough. Prays as she clutches her ring that the act of breaking their decade-long unspoken pact conveys enough of the rest.

She nearly forgets to breathe once the message is sent, and when she hears Florette’s voice in her mind she actually does.

*Cleone,*

*I love you too.*

*Do not return to Danor.*

She listens to the message. Goes over the words a second time. Then a third time, until a burn in her chest reminds her that air is a physical need.

She mentally replays the message a fourth time.

So this is it, she thinks to herself.

From the moment Gatria mentioned Bree was working for the Jierres, from the time they learned from Ottavia that Luc Jierre and the Sovereign were involved in Obscurati, from all those conversations with the Minister of Outsiders…

This is the truth she’d been hoping against for nine months, and it can’t be avoided anymore.

Maybe Danor hasn’t been fully absorbed into the Obscurati. Maybe they haven’t officially cast her out. Maybe fifteen years of study and loyal service is still real and still meant something.

But the Obscurati has enough influence on Danor that she can’t go home, Florette didn’t give details but she wouldn’t have given that warning for no reason, and she *can’t go home*.

Where does she have now? Flint, where the king would as happily force her to denounce her (former) home as he would knight her? Terenz, where she’ll only ever be a version of herself stripped of her curiosity?

The chair is too…hard. Uncomfortable. Cleone sits on the bed and it feels just as hard while fifteen years of memory float around her thoughts.

*"You chose this."*

*"I did. And I don't regret it."*

What did she know?

*"Do you think we'll ever get to work together? So that one day we don't have to do this dance."*

*"I hope so, too."*

Did she mean it?

*"Pushing for change tends to upset powerful people, unless you're already one of them. Perhaps even then. I don't have to know what you've done in Risur to know that you've made enemies of people who would benefit from the status quo."*

How long has she known?

But above everything:

*Cleone,*

*I love you too.*

*Do not return to Danor.*

That was Florette with the walls of secrecy breached, she thinks. That was what Florette held in her heart behind the maze of intrigue. Whatever Florette knows, however she knows it, she loves Cleone just as much as Cleone loves her.

Even if they can never go home to each other again.

Even if, she realizes, the only way for that to happen is to dismantle the maze and burn it down permanently.

Even if Cleone has to take down the Obscurati to be able to see her and Lloyd and Manon and everyone else still in her heart again.

The world is cold and still as she leaves the hotel room and wanders long enough to find a private bathroom, locking the door behind her. The world is timeless and surreal as she goes through the lengthy routine of removing her makeup, knowing what’s coming next. The world is fragmented and blurry as she allows herself to cry: for the loss of the only place she’s ever felt she truly belonged, for the love of people who she’ll only endanger from here, for the realization that all her love and faith for her country may never be reflected back.

The next morning she re-applies her makeup as always, meticulously smothering the marks that might someday tie her again to the same people who’ve smothered her heart.

*"Every day I hope that my work keeps our country safe so that others can push it forward. And you're the kind to push it forward."*

She can’t go home again, but home has still left its mark. All she can do now is keep going.

*"Doing what you think is right is all any of us can do."*