Cucurbitacin

An episode staring Aaron, Tanager, and Dr. Crud III.

Description: Aaron, Tanager, and Dr. Crud III take on a suspiciously simple quest, only to find their assumptions challenged and their emotions burning hot.

Characters:

* **Uwe** (OO-veh) Bera: *(deep, doofy male voice)* man concerned about cucumber. “Lives” at 82881 Huergo St, two train stations away from the guild hall, adjacent to Beltran Park. Deceased.
* **Simmond** the Kind: Tanager’s replacement, the caretaker of the grove of the love of Tanager’s life, Drusilla. A male firbolg (steel blue skinned, pointy eared, muscular gentle giant, with shaggy brown hair and beard). How did Simmond die: a tree branch fell and caved in the back of his skull. It was a random accident that could happen to anyone, especially someone who spends a lot of time in trees and especially someone who tends a grove during a wind storm. Don’t stand under trees in a wind storm.
* Captain **Arland** Artichoke: human, with dark hair and beard. Deceased.
* King **Alcala** Atalantica: Triton. Blue skin. Pointy teeth. When he was young he had a giant bushy tawny brown beard, thick eyebrows, and long flowing hair. In his later years, that hair turned white. Deceased.
* **Yul** Shevchenko: a changeling working for the HHO. Mannerisms that identify him: flirty with males, bad at names, doesn't pay attention to jewelry, loves keeping pet monsters, nonviolent whenever possible, preferring to keep the people he replaces alive but captive, and preferring to run rather than fight. Practices playing the flute, favorite color: red, favorite sport: playing basketball.
* Jolanta Ducray: planted the cucumber seed. Deceased.
* Lee Colas: a halfling. He was 200 years old and he had a heart condition. Deceased.

Plot Summary: Kuri, Tanager's overpaid and underworked bodyperson, fetches the group some drinks in the Firebreathing Kittens guild hall because no one else is there today. Tanager meets Jenny, Dr. Crud III's young infant daughter, and accidentally half feeds his finger to her, not realizing that the half elephant, half dragon child is a carnivore. Aaron reads the job flier: “Please investigate the cucumber. Someone gave me this cucumber yesterday, but I didn’t trust the person, so I threw it into the woods behind my house. Last night I heard a coyote coughing, hacking, and crying in the woods. This morning, I found one half of the cucumber half eaten but no sign of the coyote. I am concerned that the cucumber has been poisoned. Reward: the world’s most powerful weapon. I probably shouldn’t be hanging on to this. If you’re trustworthy, it’s better that you have it.” Signed, Uwe Bera, of 82881 Huergo St, which, consulting the oversized map on the wall is two train stops away from the guild hall, near the Beltran Park train stop. The three head to the train station. Tanager is distressed to learn that Jenny is coming along on the adventure because it may be dangerous for the baby, and Dr. Crud III is distressed that Tanager is judging his parenting style. Aaron gets them free tickets to the train from a bee lady, which Tanager is uncomfortable with, so he spills five times their ticket price on the ground before walking away. The train arrives at Beltran Park, and meet Simmond the Kind there. Tanager is unhappy to see the his ex girlfriend's new man. He's even unhappier to hear Simmond the Kind say that Drusilla is alone now, and has been alone for a year, because they've both left her. Dr. Crud III had been holding Tanager to comfort him and give him a chest to bury his tears in, but that comforting hug turns to physical restraint as Tanager tries to take a swing at Simmond the Kind. The three adventurers find Uwe Bera's house. Upon opening the door to them, Uwe offers them mood elevating substances, which Tanager and Aaron both accept. Dr. Crud III declines because he has to keep an eye on Jenny. Uwe explains that the cucumber, which he points to half of, is now (half) on his front porch again after he collected the bitten remnant from the backyard after hearing the coyote cough as if it had eaten poison. Dr. Crud III inspects the cucumber and indeed it had been poisoned. Uwe expresses worry for the coyote who ate half the poisoned cucumber. The three track down the coyote, with Tanager testing the limits of the nonlethal substance and finding them. Tanager lays down in the path of Dr. Crud III and Aaron as they track the coyote, trying to bring levity to the situation, but only irritating them. Aaron gets annoyed at his inebriated companion and tries to sabotage Tanager by leading him into poison ivy in the woods, but Tanager is a satyr and goats find poison ivy delicious. They find the coyote and the vomited up other half of the cucumber. Dr. Crud III heals the coyote. Aaron's pack of animals talks to it and translates for Aaron. The coyote confirms the story, that it had eaten the cucumber like it often eats tomatoes and vegetables out of Uwe's garden, leading them to it. Upon returning, Uwe is pleased that the coyote's life has been saved, and since they are trustworthy, gives them the Manhattan Rod. Tanager stirs his coffee and margarita with it, and Dr. Crud III confiscates it. Aaron speaks to the cucumber and Tanager, a bit jealous, also speaks to the cucumber, and it tells them how it was bought at a market and poison was rubbed onto it. They begin to track down the scent trail of the origin of the cucumber back to the market it was bought from, with baby Jenny's help. She has a long nose like her father. On their way to the market, they encounter Captain Arland Artichoke and Alcala Atalantica, two people who Aaron knows very well are dead. Alcala is his father, and Aaron was present at Arland, his father's lover,'s death. Aaron asks them if they are dead and they confirm that they are. Alcala says he wasn't expecting to see Aaron here so soon, and our heroes mull over whether they are dead. Dr. Crud III does physical fitness examinations of them and confirms that they are breathing and moving and have a pulse, but they all wonder if that isn't part of the afterlife. They wonder if they are dead, and if so for how long, and question how many of the people around them are dead, and when this happened, and where are they. They notice that their wishes come true in this morphic plane. Paolo, a babirusa killed by Dr. Crud III and befriended by Yul, distracts and delays Dr. Crud III while notifying Yul that they've caught on and are going to escape and wake up. Dr. Crud III and party overpowers Paulo, wishing that the deer pig become bacon and ending the fight decisively, and the three wake up. Much like in the adventure Times, They Are A Changeling, they find that Yul has stores their unconscious forms in instrument cases underneath the orchestra pit. Kuri is nowhere to be found, and neither is Jenny. Aaron also cannot find his bag of tricks, with all his animals.

Memorable Quotes: