Soviet Union

*"SOYUZ NARUSHEMY REPUBLIK SVOYADNIK I DONT KNOW THE WORDS AND I'M STILL REALLY DRUNK"*

*--Gregory Severin*

## Eulogy 1

*By Gregory Severin*

The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics was a multinational state consisting of several socialist republics, just like they said in their name

Although it consisted of 15 SSR, the biggest in terms of influence (and size) was Russia

It formed in 1917 after they overthrew the government that overthrew the Tsars earlier that year. 1917 was a helluva year to be Russian

After World War II, it became one of two major global superpowers and the US's opponent in the 45-year "will they or won't they" nuclear thirst trap better known as the Cold War

Since the Cold War spilled over into fucking everything, the USSR usually had a strong showing at any Olympic event. They embarrassingly handed the American basketball team their first ever loss in the 1972 gold medal round; the Americans would return the embarrassment with the 1980 Miracle on Ice

The USSR just kinda fell apart in the early 1990s after Party Secretary Mikhail Gorbachev loosened economic and political restrictions to the point that hardline communists revolted and briefly kidnapped Gorbachev. He was bailed out by Russian SSR president Boris Yeltsin, who at that point basically said "this is my country now"

The Soviet Union officially dissolved on December 31, 1991. Boris Yeltsin became the first President of the Russian Federation, and Gorbachev would go on to star in a Pizza Hut commercial. Look it up

## Eulogy 2

*By Cam Cain*

The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics was a big ol’ conglomerate of a country in northern Europe and Asia

It consisted not just of Russia, but several other modern day countries such as Kazakhstan and Uzbekistan

It was founded by Vladimir Lenin in 1922 following the Bolshevik Revolution. Upon his death, Joseph Stalin took over and rapidly industrialized the country and killed a whole bunch of people in the process, both as the result of famines and by straight up murdering them

During the Cold War, the Soviet Union sent the first satellite, Sputnik, into space and the first human, Yuri Gagarin, into space. Following the 1967 Soyuz 1 crash which killed cosmonaut Vladimir Komarov, Gagarin was banned from further spaceflight. However, he was killed in a mysterious plane crash the following year

After various countries overthrew their Soviet leaders, the nation was in disarray and eventually dissolved in 1991 with Russia taking on its debts as the successor state

One time they lost a hockey game to some college kids coached by Kurt Russell

## Tournament

The Soviet Union was defeated by Canada in Round 3 Matchup 5 of FlagVote after previously defeating Norfolk Island and Uruguay. As the 33 seed, it was defeated by Manhattan in Round 3 Matchup 3 of FlagVote 2 after previously defeating British Indian Ocean Territory and Iraq. As the 273 seed, it was defeated by Anaheim in Round 2 Matchup 26 of FlagVote 3 after previously defeating Tompa.

## Results

### FlagVote

**Round 1:** Win over Norfolk Island 5-2

**Round 2:** Win over Uruguay 5-4

**Round 3:** Loss to Canada 7-0

### FlagVote 2

**Round 1:** Win over (480) British Indian Ocean Territory 5-1

**Round 2:** Win over (224) Iraq 6-1

**Round 3:** Loss to (96) Manhattan 5-2

### FlagVote 3

**Round 1:** Win over (752) Tompa 9-1

**Round 2:** Loss to (240) Anaheim 7-4