New Year's Resolution

Making New Year's resolutions aren't always good.

January is a time to make goals of how you want to improve in the next year. However, Matt decides on resolutions that aren't improvements. Watch and see if Matt becomes bad to the bone.

## Transcript

Mallory: Hey Matt…
Matt: Hey.
Mallory: ...just returning your hedge clippers.
Matt: Oh, thank you.
Mallory: What are you up to?
Matt: I'm just working on some of my New Year's resolutions, actually.
Mallory: Oh, I'm impressed, what kind of goals did you make?
Matt: Quite a few, but the one I'm working on right now is stealing.
Mallory: You used to steal things?
Matt: No, no, but I do now.

Mallory: Excuse me?
Matt: I've been stealing things all day. Here's some guy's wallet, a really nice looking watch, and these ones belong to some poor soul who left then unattended at McDonald's.
Mallory: Matt, those look like kids shoes.
Matt: Oh, undoubtedly, yes. They were sitting outside the ball pit, so…

Mallory: And the wheelchair? Please tell me you didn't steal...
Matt: Stolen! This was the easiest one, actually. They could hardly chase me without this baby.
Mallory: Oh my, you've got to be kidding me. It's…
Matt: Oh, careful, that's the propeller for a Cessna airplane. It's important.

Mallory: You made a resolution to steal things? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
Matt: Well, at least I'm making goals I can stick to. I also resolved not to eat any more fruits and vegetables. I was doing very well until I was diagnosed with scurvy. Bit into a hamburger and lost three teeth.
Mallory: Eugh. But your resolutions aren't making you a better person. You should be trying to improve yourself.
Matt: Not everything is about me, okay? Right now, I want to focus on others, and how I can use them to my advantage.

Mallory: Okay, well, it just so happens that my New Year's resolution is to do a good deed daily, so today, I'm going to start by returning all of this stuff that you've stolen, including these.
Matt: What? No, Mallory! I want to find a rabbit and make it wear these!
Mallory: What? No! What's wrong with you?!
Matt: It's for science!
Mallory: What is wrong with you?! Give it to me!

Jason: What is going on here?
Matt: I believe I'm being robbed, officer.
Mallory: Oh, no! That is a lie! He has stolen all of this stuff in here! He made a New Year's resolution to steal things, including these kids shoes!
Jason: Sure he did.
Mallory: No, I'm… You've got to believe me. He doesn't even need this wheelchair.
Matt: How dare you?!
Mallory: Oh no, you are kidding me… just show him you can… I know you can walk. Get out of here! This isn't yours!
Matt: Mallory, what are you doing? Mallory!
Mallory: You can't ride around in a wheelchair that belongs to somebody else! Show him you can walk! What is wrong with you?!
Jason: We got a situation, a hostile is playing with a man… I don't know what she's doing here exactly, but it's not… What are you doing?! Ma'am, stop that!
Mallory: Okay officer, sorry.
Jason: You will respect my authority. Cuff yourself to the Segway.
Mallory: What?
Jason: You heard me. Do it.
Mallory: Okay…
Jason: Sir.
Matt: Thank you, officer.
Jason: Keep up!
Mallory: Oh my gosh.

Matt: I should probably lay low for a while.

## Trivia

* This sketch was uploaded on the same day as the episode aired on BYUtv.
* This is the first time since Two Truths and a Lie to only have three Cast members in it.
* Whitney (Call) Meek doesn't appear in this sketch, which makes it the only sketch in Season 1 Episode 5 in which she doesn't appear.