Cybetronic Police Department of Northeastern San Francisco

The Cybertronic Police Department of Northeastern San Francisco (abbreviated unhelpfully as CPDONSF) was a division of the San Francisco County Police Department, which was created by The Grand Duchy of California, Governor Gavin G. G. G. Newsomium, in 2 AB. The Department was conceived for two reasons; firstly, because crime was becoming so rampant in the rapidly developing and unstable North American Overlorddom, and secondly, because the police were lazy and didn't actually care about doing their jobs that much.

## The Nodes

This new synthezoid police force, which were colloquially known by San Francisco residents as the "Cyberhogs", was comprised of two hundred completely cybetronic AI-run individuals, who were given designation numbers and nicknames, such as Bill, Mill, Fill, or even, Dill. These robots would recieve daily programming from three Nodes located throughout Northeastern San Francisco; these were the West Node, the North Node, and the Under Node. The Under Node dwelled eighteen miles below the city's surface, and was thus the main Node and a backup Node should any of the other Nodes go offline.

## Duties of the Cyberhogs

Their regular duties varied day to day, however, some typical expectations of a Cybertronic Officer might include:

-Arrest minority for possession of substance

-Wave hello to elderly G-Anon cultists who are attempting to enter the City Hall

-Murder an unarmed teenager

-Eat Donut (3x)

-Sit Idle in car; wait for *red* vehicle to approach; immediately pull over and question driver

## Tusk's Terrible Tesla Attack

In 3 AB, just two months after their inception on November 30, the Cybertronic Police Department's Western Node (from which the Western Officers all recieved their programming for the day) was attacked by a seemingly-rogue Tesla Model X automobile. The Western Hive Mind was severely damaged when the vehicle smashed through the wall at 200 km/h and obliterated the server room. As a result, nearly fifty Cybertronic Officers fell unconscious for nearly six hours.

Entrepreneur and closeted war criminal Elon Tusk, who was beginning to be investigated for potential involvement in the China-Mars Conflict, was subpoenad for yet another Overlorddish Investigatium, this time for an inquiry as to why one of his vehicles had attempted to debilitate the Golden city's Great American Police Department.

Elon was summoned to Memphis, Tennessee, and brought before the Grand Court (the reformed Supreme Court, which consisted of only one justice, that being Minister of Speech and former Board of Waifuria Chairman James L. Fuck). James L. Fuck, after reviewing the footage of the Tesla attack for several hours, declared Elon was innocent (as the Grand Court ruled that the car had exhibited 'suicidal tendencies', which explained the 'kamikaze event' at the Western Node). However, Grand Justice Fuck declared that should any further malicious contact occur between Elon's vehicles and the Cybertronic Police Force, that he would reopen the investigation, as well as consider sending Overlorddish Superpredators in to 'sort things out'.

## Cybertronic Police Tesla War

Thus began a soft war between the Teslas and the Cyborg Police Force. Tesla vehicles would frequent areas where the Cyber Police were stationed, bearing 'Fuck the Blue' flags and doing burnouts in the middle of busy intersections. Elon Tusk strongly condemned this violence from his vehicles, but explained he was too busy with the 'illustrious' Glop Bulb to launch an investigation into their "anti-fascist behavior". Cyborg Police Officers would attempt to pull over the Teslas, but found that they were unpiloted, and thus would experience code malfunctions as the Nodes did not account for how to arrest an unmanned vehicle.

## Tesla Eradication Imperative

By 3 AB, the war had grown increasingly costly for the city, with Grand Duchy Gavin G. G. G. Newsomium launching a failed 'peacemaking' initiative which aimed to draw a ceasefire between the two sides; unfortunately, this went awry when a Tesla 3 vehicle smashed into the event venue, destroying six Cyber Officers. The Tesla was arrested and charged with six counts of first-degree synthezoid slaughter.

After this event, which had put Grand Duchy Gavin G. G. G. Newsomium's own life in jeopardy, he elected to finally take a stance in the war; he declared that in order to ensure peace and stability in San Francisco, all Tesla Motor Vehicles needed to be eradicated- for they were a plague on the development and welfare of the entire city. Newsomium declared an era of "Law and Order" for the city, instituting a 3 PM curfew and declaring ownership of a Tesla an Overlorddish Offence punishable by death.

The Cybertronic Police Department began an intense crackdown on Teslas, shooting and killing the electric automotives on the spot. Within six months, there was no longer any sign of Tesla vehicles on the Streets of San Francisco. Of the original 4400 in the city, 2000 had been neutralized, but there were still 2400 left unaccounted for. Elon Tusk went missing soon after this, and his whereabouts were not investigated.

Newsomium, not really caring where these other Teslas had gone, celebrated the liberation of San Francisco from the Tesla Terrors. He held a Grand ceremony, inviting many high-ranking Overlorddish officials to San Francisco in order to celebrate the freedom he had gained for his people.

On August 14, 3 AB, on a sunny day on the Golden Gate Bridge, Grand Duchy Newsomium began giving an address on the evils of sentient Automobiles- when a massive, hulking figure cast a shadow over the entire parade. Rising from the depths of the Bay of San Francisco. A hulking mass of Tesla vehicles, with a head fashioned from Cybertrucks, The Mighty Morphin' Teslazord had formed- and it wanted payback.

## The Duel of the Golden Gate Bridge

The Teslas were somewhat intelligent on their own; but after burrowing deep underground, and harnessing the power of the Under Node to link wirelessly to one another, they formed a Hive Mind of their own- and this creature now stood towering over the residents of San Francisco.

It lifted a massive, car-fashioned hand and brought it down onto the crowd. Many braced for impact, screaming out the names of their religious dieties (some even called for Magarra). However, the hand was stopped suddenly, mere feet from impacting the delicate tarmac of the bridge.

There, holding up the weight of two hundred Teslas with a singular hand, stood Grand Duchy Newsomium. His body was glowing red hot, and his skin began melting away- revealing a cybertronic body underneath it all.

Newsomium and the Mighty Morphin' Teslazoid became locked in a fierce battle. Cyber Officers began firing on the hulking mass of metal from below- while Newsomium ran at hypersonic speeds across the bridge, his body glowing from the intense friction from his Titanium-Alloy synthezoid skin and the air around him.

Newsomium jumped up onto the Tesla beast, and began tearing car doors and wheels from the outer wall of its left arm. He dove into the inside of the monster, ripping and tearing at already malfunctioning equipment. He crawled up the arm, while the monster attempted to eject him from its innards, even going so far as to submerge its arm underneath the San Francisco Bay. Newsomium pushed still further, burning through the shoulder, and eventually reaching the lower jaw.

Having initially aimed to take out the main computer of the monstrous Teslazord, Newsomium was taken aback when he discovered a horrific sight.

## A Twist of Iron and Twisted Irony

Connected to a machine, with wires running out of all of his orifices, was Elon Tusk's disembodied head, chained to a chair with several USB Ports carved into the back of his skull. His eyes were totally black. "Help... help me... Gavin..." he called weakly. The jet-fuel hot Newsomium approached him, but did not attempt to undo the bonds.

"What have they done to you, Elon?", Newsomium asked, seeing the architect of his enemy suffering, but yet hesitant to offer assistance.

"My body... they removed my body..."

The disembodied head slightly moved to the left, a wire attached to the ceiling helping him pivot his head.

" I *am* this machine, Gavin, You can't destroy it. You will destroy- you will destroy me."

Gavin looked to him, and felt a moment of sympathy. But then he remembered all of the innocent civilians of San Francisco- and his fellow cybertronic synthezoids which Elon's children had murdered.

"I'm sorry, Elon. But I have to do this."

Gavin reached up to Elon's head, which began screaming in protest. He reached around to the back, and found a switch labeled 'Off'. After taking one last look at Elon's head, which Gavin cradled in his hands, he flipped the switch.

Nothing happened, however.

Gavin flipped the switch again. Still nothing.

"L-l-l..." Elon began.

Gavin looked to the disembodied head.

"Yes?"

"Le-le..."

Gavin furrowed his brow, but approached the situation gently, attempting to give Elon a peaceful send-off. It was the least he could do.

"yes, Elon?"

"Le epic *troll*."

Elon's face broke into a toothy grin, and Gavin heard explosions occurring from below them. Within a moment, the Mighty Morphin' Teslazord exploded in a fiery blast, killing Elon and Gavin instantly, and sending shrapnel raining down onto the Golden Gate Bridge. Thanks to Gavin's heroic actions, though, no San Franciscans were harmed in the blast. The Grand Duchy Governor had made the ultimate sacrifice; but Elon had gotten the last laugh.

## Epilogue

The Cybertronic Police Force was disbanded by James L. Fuck, citing that "we can never trust the droids again." This was in reference to the Tesla automobiles assembling a massive hive mind and attempting to commit domestic terrorism. Elon Tusk's companies, which were mostly bankrupt anyways, were completely bought out by J.F. Sweets Incorporated, which, for all intents and purposes, ended the free market and set up J.F. Sweets to begin their monopolization of every commodity on the market.