Theseus Theophilus Burgerus

**Theseus Theophilus Burgerus I** or **Burger Bling** is a former prince of the cosmic Burger King dynasty and the last survivor of the long lost line of human Burger Kings, who was taken into rapper training by Rap Knight Martta Palpatine.

## Biography

### Early Life

Theseus Theophilus Burgerus I was born in the Burger Kingdom in 2362 as the sole heir to the galactic dynasty/fast food chain. Not much is known about the young prince's family or his first 11 years of life, but he mostly lived a happy, fulfilling childhood under the care of his parents and their vast court.

At a very young age, Theseus learned the basics of his family's ancestral combat technique, the Burger-Fu, and the recipe to their prized hamburgers.

### Fall of Burger Kingdom

In the year 2373, the McDonald's battle fleet attacked the realm of the Burgerus dynasty, bringing down the Royal Army's flagship Whopper and started the massacre that would go down in history as The Fall of Burger Kingdom. Knowing that all hope was lost, the captains of the Royal Guard escorted Theseus, age 11, to the only possible escape pod. The pod was launched away to the cold dark as the last fortress of the last Burger King crumbled.

### New Home

Theseus' escape pod wandered in the emptiness of space for months with the hibernating young prince inside until it crashed onto a planet. In an event entailed either by the prince's amazing luck or the escape pod's computer systems, the escape pod landed on the Space Pig farm of Mr. Snellman, the CEO of Snellman industries and legendary Sausage Maker.

On Snellman's farm, Theseus worked every day to hone his skills in the processing of meat, both alive and deceased. The trauma of the day when McDonald's took away his whole world burned in the back of his mind, and each day he also trained himself in the art of Burger-Fu.

Soon after his 18th birthday, Theseus left Mr. Snellman's farm and turned his eyes towards the stars to look for revenge against the monsters that took away everything from him.

### Episode I: The Fellowship of Swag

After several decades of working as a muscle-for-hire and a space bounty hunter, Theseus found himself in the employment of The Duke, a morally dubious heavy metal musician posing as a politician under the title of "DJ Defunkt". The deal was a simple one – Theseus would work as Defunkt's body guard, and Defunkt, a politician with several connections, would help Theseus find someone called Laughter Man, a person apparently behind McDonald's and the massacre of Burger Kingdom.

Joining the Fellowship of the Swag, Theseus helped uncover a secret joint operation by Terrafame and McDonald's to mine the core of Spherus Magna for Loirite. In the core, Theseus got face to face with the Laughter Man's hologram form, who escaped the conflict. DJ Defunkt, now calling himself the Duke, revealed his true intentions to absorb the powers of Vesa-Matti Loiri and the Fellowship's inner turmoil ripped them apart. This also caused the death of Firaga Cactaihead XIV. Theseus was deeply traumatized by this, as he had seen something of himself in the young duchess.

Afterwards, Theseus contacted the Rap Ghost of Skywalker & Son to consult them about his future. Ready to cast back his search for revenge and find new purpose in life, Theseus Theofilius Burgerus I joined the Rap Order as the Rapadawan of Martta Palpatine.

## Personality and traits

Theseus used to be a cynical man with a dark view of the world, once only driven forward by his revenge. After witnessing the events of the Core Battle, he has realized the ways in which revenge once consumed him. He is trying to find new light from the dogma of the Rap Order.

Theseus possibly saw a lot of himself in the young Firaga Cactaihead XIV, and her death was possibly what turned his head towards new paths in life.

## Powers and abilities

Theseus Theofilius Burgerus I is a master of the forgotten martial arts of Burger-Fu, a close-quarters combat tactic of Burger Kingdom tradition consisting solely of sneaking behind the opponent and violently snapping their neck.

Theseus is also a masterful maker of affordable fast food and is currently learning new Rap abilities.

## Appearances

* Episode I: The Fellowship of Swag
* Episode V: McDonalds Strikes Back *(mentioned only)*
* Episode II: Attack of the Rappers