S07E18: The Gang Dusts Off their Rhyming Game

## Previously on MCVFD

We started the Contest of Champions! We’ve gotten through 3 of the 12 contests so far. The first one was stealing the princess’s jewelry. Um did a phenomenal job, succeeded at every roll and no one knew he was here, he even found a flashy way to deliver the jewelry to the queen. However, his opponent despite fumbling every roll, snagged a point with the audacious move of snagging a personal piercing the night before.

Then, Kanye had to go into the octagon. He stripped down to the g-string and then had a real weird time trying to grapple his opponent over and over again. He succeeded in the end and beat him nearly unconscious, but then the Queen gave a point to the enemy team based on the round’s name, “First to Die”.

Third, we had a drinking contest. The Flewtang gang played the first card of the contest, tagging in Kanye so he had to drink along with Averlyth. The Queen ruled this  was allowed but that MCVFD would get both points. Both participants got black-out drunk, Averlyth threw up and passed out in the last round, and then Kanye…. Licked the queen, pivoting it into a surprisingly decent kiss?

The game is now tied up. Before turning in for the night, we drew the card for the next morning: Tag Team Wrestling. The Flewtang Gang played another card to force Kanye and Averlyth to participate in that round the next day, knowing they would still be drunk.

## Session

Averlyth spends a 5th level spell slot before bed to cast Greater Restoration on herself, but she is no less drunk because it is Fey liquor and it does not care about her spells. Kanye is escorted to bed by Woodhouse.

The next morning, Averlyth is now poisoned (disadvantage on attack rolls and ability checks), and Kanye is inebriated (same effects but he believes he has advantage).

We all come out to the sitting room. Chicka Chicka Slim Shady is sitting there eating a Belgian waffle with all the toppings.

> **DM**: Averlyth, you feel like shit.
> **Averlyth**: I have my cloth over my head, I’m eating breakfast not listening to anyone
> **Nissa**: So like, normal Averlyth?
>
>

The group briefly discusses the strategy for the next round.

> **Kanye**: what’s everyone’s comfort levels with the g-string?
> **Nissa**: I want to be clear, canonically we see you get out of the armor all the time…
>
>

Nissa buffs Kanye and Averlyth both for their strength checks, countering their drunken disadvantage.

We walk into the ballroom and see the queen. She brings us up on stage.

### Round Four: MCVFD 2, FG 2

We play the hinder card! Averlyth tells the queen they must do the drinking round before they can participate in this round.  The queen loves it! A servant runs quickly from offstage and places the shots of fey liquor on a table.

Blowface Killa takes a shot and succeeds on his check, but Futball fails.  Futball to tipsy.  BK crit success the next shot, FB narrowly succeeds.  BK takes his third shot just fine, but FB fails again, becoming buzzed and swaying on the podium.  BK is such a drinking champ that he passes his next check, but FB can’t hang and becomes drunk.  BK’s 5th shot doesn’t go down so smoothly– tipsy! FB becomes blackout drunk.  BK fails and becomes buzzed.  FB isn’t going down without a literal fight and crit successes his next shot.  BK fails again, becoming buzzed.  FB fails and pukes as he sinks to the ground and passes out.

The queen pauses and whispers to Biggeboat.  The queen, in the interest of fairness, fast-forwards time for the Flew Tang Gang – now BK is tipsy and FB is just blackout drunk.

Averlyth pushes Kanye into the ring.  Kanye decides to lead with a Challenging Introduction.  FB is draped over the ropes, so BK climbs into the ring and unbuttons one single button on his military jacket.

BK charges full-speed at Kanye straight off the bell.  He swings with a flurry of blows, but they all slide off Kanye's power armor.  Kanye ripostes.  He barely misses as he swings, ruffling the epaulets as his claws go by.  Kanye notices it's a nicer fringe than his epaulet’s fringe.

Averlyth passes some water to FB, they’re really suffering.

> **Averlyth**: He’s just a work friend, fuck it.
>
>

Kanye attempts to grapple the angry frogman BK.   BK is a hair off from the alcohol and  is easily grappled.  Kanye attempts to trip him as he attacks.  He confidently attacks, succeeding with all his added buffs from himself and Nissa, and attempts to trip BK.  BK isn’t going down that easy! Even with the moustache tentacles, he stays on his feet.  BK strains against Kanye’s moustache.  Kanye just barely keeps him grappled.  FB is reaching as far as he can to try and get tagged in.  Turns out this whole time Averlyth has been getting close to FB to keep him back.

> **Kanye**: We can use Epona’s song if I get pinned!
> **Averlyth**: Songs? That’s none of my business.
>
>

Averlyth focused more on her work/life balance than whatever Nissa was practicing at the campfire.
Kanye lifts BK onto his shoulders and activates his jets.  He attempts to pile-drive him into the ground and it fails.  Kanye says fuck that and Command-Zeds….. But the pile-drive fails again.  Kanye attempts a normal attack.  He hits! Kanye keeps BK grappled in the middle of the ring.  BK attempts to escape the grapple, and rips the moustache off of himself.  BK staggers away from Kanye and raises his guard.  FB cheers wildly for BK.

> **Averlyth**, slurring: He’s just a fucking frog, dude.  We’ve caught so many frogs.  Don’t make me come in there.
>
>

Kanye is intimidated by Averlyth’s worked-up state.  Shit.  He reaches out to BK with his hands and fails to grab him.  Kanye reaches out with his moustache– it’s an old pro at this by now and grabs on tight.  He sets off the glitter cannon as he performs an action surge.  Averlyth uses the distraction of the glitter cannon to fire off Shake It Off from her bracer, giving Kanye a surge of extra energy.  He attempts to knock BK prone, but BK remains standing.  He attacks.  Then he begins swinging BK at the floor of the octagon.  As Kanye swings BK, he slips on the blood and sweat, swinging BK in a wide circle and almost letting him reach FB.  He slams BK to the ground.  Kanye uses Titanic Growth from his bracer and becomes giant, so BK has disadvantage to get out of the grapple.  The ref slides in…. ONE….. TWO…

Averlyth feels like this fight is basically over and fans herself.

…..THREE!

MCVFD gets a point for the round.

### Round Five: MCVFD 3, FG 2

Now that we’re done with all that, the Queen waves her hand and everyone that was inebriated is now stone cold sober.

Nissa draws the card for the next round. It’s the courtly dining etiquette??? Nissa’s pinky is going crazy.

The Flewtang Gang nominates Dot JPEG 2k, the goth Aubrey Plaza, to participate in this round.

Nissa immediately volunteers for the round. Averlyth is embarrassed thinking about what happened during the drinking rout the day before. Kanye finds a hot dog vendor so he can eat away the exhaustion from Titanic Growth.

The Queen waves her hands and a bunch of servants bring in a dining table with three seats: one for the Queen, one for Dot JPEG on the left, and one for Nissa on the right.

> **Nissa**: It hurts my pride to admit this, but I might need buffing from Averlyth.
>
>

Averlyth casts Enhance Ability on Nissa, giving her Fox’s Cunning.

The Queen explains that there’s going to be a fancy meal, and all the participants need to do is not make any “etiquette gaps”. She tells the servants to bring out the appetizers; the servants bring out a plate with a single shrimp. Both Nissa and Dot JPEG pick the correct fork and glare at each other.

Nissa casts heat metal on Dot JPEG’s fork, and she drops it. The Queen remarks, “bad form, dear”.

The next round begins, bowls of soup come out. As she sips with the correct spoon, Nissa whispers to Dot JPEG that the soup is too good for her and she should be embarrassed. Normally this wouldn’t have worked, but Dot JPEG happened to grab the dessert spoon by accident. She blushes red, and the Queen noticed.

The third course is a full roast suckling pig with an apple in its mouth. It’s placed in the center of the table. The contestants have to know the right way to receive the meat.

Nissa waits for a beat. Dot JPEG gets nervous and reaches for a knife to cut the meat, but then Nissa waves for a servant to carve the pig correctly. The Queen comments that Dot JPEG is doing fairly poorly, and suggests that she might do better in the small talk round.

The Queen asks Nissa about her background; she has a tragic story, so the question throws her, canceling out her advantage. Even so, she pulls it off, telling the story briefly with deference to her royal highness’s times, not boring her with any of the gory details, just letting her know the part of the country she’s from. The Queen is politely interested, then turns to Dot JPEG and asks for the same.

Dot JPEG is also able to nail it, talking at the appropriate amount of length, talking about her interest in illusion magic and her background about growing up with her father, the previous Dot JPEG. Her small talk is better than Nissa's.

The final round, dessert, begins. The plates are cleared and the servers bring out what appears to be a jeweled crab. Both Nissa and Dot JPEG both properly identify the small jeweled hammer next to the soup spoons as the proper implements. The Queen claps, the table is cleared, and she turns to Dot JPEG saying that while she is charming, the point clearly goes to Nissa, who is well schooled in courtly fey etiquette.

### Round Six: MCVFD 4, FG 2

Nissa remains seated and makes a courtly bow while sitting, as she clearly can’t stand up until the Queen has. The Queen giggles, calling out her attempt at extra credit.

The Queen invites Um to draw the last card. He picks the “Last Man Standing”, a 4 v 4 contest. We’ll be meeting at a new location.

We arrive at the tower where the round will occur. We all take our places and roll initiative.

Up first is the Flewtang Gang’s bard. He takes steps forward. (The DM suddenly realizes the battlemap of the tower is ginormous and moves the Flewtang Gang to be closer to us since we’re only doing 5 rounds).

The bard, Thundergun, starts playing a mocking song at the biggest guy he can see: Kanye. Critical success resisting his insults - he’s heard Nissa taunt people so many times, he’s basically immune. As if to add insult to injury, the crossbolt he shoots at Kanye bounces off his armor.

Nissa rears back and nonchalantly whips off a fireball behind Thundergun, catching all of them. All but Thundergun manage to get out of the way, taking only half of the damage. With her bonus action, Nissa gives Kanye bardic inspiration.

Dot JPEG 2000 thinks there’s only room for one goth, so she casts a manifestation of her target’s deepest fears at Averlyth. She’s now frightened, and has disadvantage on ability checks and attack rolls while Dot JPEG is within line of sight. As a bonus action, she casts displacement to make her appear a few places from her actual location.

Averlyth channels her divinity to invoke duplicity, creating a clone of herself. She also successfully fights off the frightened status at the end of her turn, avoiding psychic damage. She flips Dot JPEG off.

Kanye moves towards the center of the tower, within striking range of Thundergun and Dot JPEG.

> **DM**: Wait Nissa, are you on Kanye’s back?
> **Nissa**: *sigh..* Yeah that’s been established that I don’t like using my own legs
>
>

Kanye does an intimidating introduction, but only Futball is intimidated.

> **Kanye**: Yeah that makes sense, that’s the guy that I stripped down and put a g-string in his face? He remembers me :D
>
>

Actually turns out we read the description wrong and Kanye successfully intimidated everyone.

Blowface Killa runs up to attack Kanye. Kanye tries to stab him with his glaive as he enters his space, but he misses. He makes some unarmed strikes at Kanye, but misses all of them.

Cliff Fjord makes 3 crossbolt attacks at Um, hitting him with 2 of them. Um climbs to the top of the statue behind where we started, then uses his Guided Shot bracer ability to give an auto critical hit on Blowface Killa. Since Blowface is in Kanye’s business, he gets a critical sneaky hit too.

Futball does his best but makes absolutely no progress on Kanye. His armor is BEEFY.

Thundergun, still intimidated by Kanye, continues running forward towards Averlyth and Um and then casts Thunderwave. Nissa takes the brunt of the damage, Kanye, Averlyth and Futball take half. Nissa is also knocked off of Kanye’s back and thrown 10 feet away from Thundergun.

As she’s thrown off, Nissa yells “No Touchy!!” and fires off firebolts from her fingers. Thundergun takes half of the damage. He’s no longer intimidated, but he is bloodied.

Nissa pulls out the horn of blasting and yells “Kanye, Earmuffs!” before taking aim directly at him and the cluster of Flewtang gang members next to him. Thundergun, Futball, Dot JPEG and Blowface Killa all fail. Kanye fails but uses his Indomitable ability to brace himself and nail it. Thundergun is out for the count; Dot JPEG, Futball and Blowface Killa are bloodied.

The horn of blasting does not explode on Nissa today.

Dot JPEG takes a step back and casts magic missile at 4th level, creating 6 darts that smack Kanye in the face.

Averlyth sends her dupe next to Kanye and casts Spirit Guardians from her clone, having her clone continue to flip everyone off while she manifests the spirit guardians as evil looking bees.

> **DM**: Up next is Kanye, you are surrounded by bees.
> **Kanye**: Benevolent bees!
> **DM**: Sure
> **Kanye**: Like we talked about at the pub last night :D
>
>

Kanye decides this is the right time to don Averlyth’s enchanted aviators to cast Mirror Image on himself.

> **Nissa**: Do all their harnesses work the same? … Do I know which Kanye is the real one?
>
>

We decide that the duplicates from Mirror Image count for flanking for Um, whether or not he knows which one is the real Kanye. However, technically the clones all appeared in his space, so there wasn’t much space covered.

Kanye decides to hit Blowface KIlla until he dies, but crit fails - his glaive hits Nissa instead, with its 10ft reach. His second attack successfully hits Blowface Killa. Blowface is now looking more unhappy than usual.

He stabs Kanye with a spear but crit fails. Unfortunately he misses Futball. He tries to hit Kanye twice more and misses both, hitting Futball the second time. He also takes some damage from the murder hornets. Kanye decides to spend his last superiority die to try and finish Blowface off.

> **Kanye**: Wait, none of these guys are dead dead, right?
>
>

Blowface is now very nearly dead. Next up, Cliff Fjord shoots 3 arrows at Kanye, but all three of them ricochet off of his power armor because Iron Man is overpowered.

Um uses another Guided Shot critical crossbolt, this time on Futball. He apparently does 50 damage?!?!?!? What the actual fuck.

Futbal is definitely dead. Nissa taps her laughing amulet and looks at the DM sneakily.

> **Nissa**:  “You know I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one”.
> *DM laughs*
> **Nissa**: Aha! I get stuff.
>
>

Her wit pleases the god Stronmaus and she heals a little bit of HP.

The Flewtang Gang narrowly manages to avoid fleeing the scene after Futbal dies.

Nissa casts another Fireball, this time catching only Dot JPEG and Cliff Fjord. They both avoid the brunt of the damage, but Dot JPEG dies anyways. Cliff Fjord panics and runs away.

Blowface Killa realizes he’s alone on the field and concedes, then offers to shake Kanye’s hand. Kanye accepts, palming a coaster for him.

As they shake, air horns blast and heavy fog rolls in. When the fog lifts, we see ourselves back in the courtroom. The Queen is clapping telling us it wasn’t even close.

Nissa uses Prestidigitation to make us glow from behind. Kanye tries to fire the glitter cannon again.

We are now halfway through the Contest of Champions.

### Round Seven: MCVFD 5, FG 2

Averlyth pulls a card from the deck, and it says “Limerick contest”. The Flewtang Gang looks confused and shrugs and points to Thundergun the Bard.

MCVFD plays the card to force Blowface to participate. Thundergun whispers in his ear as he runs up, but he does take the stage.

Both groups get 10 minutes to think about their limerick.

The Queen tells Blowface to go first. He looks like an angry avocado.

> *In a pub last week on a dare*
>
>
> *I was screwing a wench on the stair*
>
>
> *But the bannister broke*
>
>
> *So I doubled my stroke*
>
>
>
> *And I finished her off in midair*
>
>

The audience laughs, but in confusion and shock. This poem was clearly supposed to be delivered by the bard. The Queen laughs, saying “well, it’s your game to win, Mulmaster, go for it”.
Nissa billows her billowing cape and plugs into Kanye’s power armor speakers.

> *There once was a place named Mulmaster*
>
>
> *Some cultists caused a disaster*
>
>
> *We fled from the haze*
>
>
> *As the city was razed*
>
>
>
> *Fire’s fast, but our name has spread faster*
>
>

Nissa nails it despite the fact that Averlyth moved the Limerick notes from the Google Doc just before Nissa arrived at the punch line. The Queen and the crowd are absolutely delighted, and MCVFD receives yet another point.

### End of Seven Rounds: MCVFD 6, FG 2

Running tally per round:

1. Jewelry heist: MCVFD 1, FG 1
2. Octagon strip tease: MCVFD 1, FG 2
3. Drinking contest: MCVFD 2, FG 2
4. Tag-team Wrestling: MCVFD 3, FG 2
5. Fancy Etiquette: MCVFD 4, FG 2
6. Tower 4v4: MCVFD 5, FG 2
7. Limerick Genius: MCVFD 6, FG 2