Session Thirty Three

The thirty third session of the Adventures of the Dragon Crag was on the 2nd November 2022.

## Party Members Present

* Snorri Morgrimson
* Relnwe Adiath
* Professor Meino Osterhaus
* Aleksi Lehtonen

## Synopsis

### Horny and Alone

#### Wizard Tricks

We had crept up on the Kislevis chatting away and Aleksi got close enough to have a good look. He saw that they had bows and swords, and most importantly, that they had horns attached to their belts. Snorri told the Professor togo invisible and take their horns, the Prof said it was difficult and magic 'just doesn't work like that' but he gave it a shot anyway. As he channelled he sensed another magic user nearby. Probably the creepy girl, or Spooky Bitch, the Kislevis were talking about. The Prof vanished with a wet sounding 'Poof' - clearly magic is easy and does 'just work like that' - either that, or the winds were very favourable.

#### Ooo! Stuff me horn, Daddy!

The Professor crept up behind the first of the two kislevis and stuffed his horn with paper. However, as he was approaching the second chap, he stood on a twig which snapped. The Kislevi looked at the snapped twig and saw a boot print. (Who knew the Professor wore boots - he seems much more of a plimsoll kind of guy). The Kislevi then threw a rock in the Professor's general direction. The rock missed, but the Professor's outline was given away by flying flecks of dust. The Professor then stabbed the guy and Aleksi let fly a couple of arrows. The other Kislevi attempted to blow his horn, but his toot was muffled by the paper and the sound came out more of a soft 'flumph'. Snorri then charged out the bushes and killed him the pointy side of his Azthrund whilst Rel dispatched the other chap with a couple more arrows.

### The Kislevi Kamp

#### Posturing

After dispatching the two trail guards, we continued down the trail and we soon heard the sounds of the general hustle and bustle of a Kislevi camp. Looking out of the bushes we saw quite a few Kislevi mercs, some hunters, and a horse archer. We eyed their tents jealously. We formulated a plan in which either Brandr or All (both having ostensibly the same faculties at that point as far as we were concerned) would blow the Kislevi horn, and then some of the camp would run off in that direction while we plundered the rest. The Professor went invisble again and ran into some bushes in the camp. He made a rustle, but we heard one of the hunters say 'must have been the wind.' At that moment we saw a Spooky Bitch walking briskly out of one of the tents and go to the Kislevi Captain. The Captain barked some orders and the denizens of the camp began to form some kind of formation. Clearly, the Spooky Bitch had felt a tingle in her magic glands caused by the Professor's invisibility spell. At that moment, either Brandr or All blew the horn, and the horse archer galloped off. The Professor then attempted to bewilder one of the hunters who was standing atop a platform. He was successful and the hunter slumped, drooling. Spooky Bitch then shouted and pointed in the Professor's direction (who was now visible again, but hidden in the bushes). A Kislevi merc began to approach the bushes. The atmosphere was incredibly tense. The Professor once again went invisible and moved out of his hiding place and up onto the platform. He then proceeded to push the bewildered guard off the platform and he fell with a little yelp. Our enemies were now very much concerned and they huddled together under the platform.. It was at this point that Rel and Aleksi began raining down arrows upon them, beginning a fight of the ages.

#### An Excellent Bout, Good Sirs

As Rel and Aleksi shot arrows, Snorri charged in, leaping over some thick bush. Aleksi's arrows buried deep in kislevian hide. At this point, the Professor's invisibility wore off and he appeared, not as the Professor, but in the form of the beholder's worst fear with a great gloom surrounding him. Many of the kislevis, including Spooky Bitch, got a terrible fright. The Kislevi Captain charged towards Snorri and grazed his arm with a pistol shot. Angered by this, Snorri shot him back square in the face with his Azthrund, shattering his jaw and cheek bones, rendering his eye sockets a mushy pulp, and severely denting his large kislevian forehead. The Captain flew backwards and lay on his back in a ever growing pool of his own blood. Spooky Bitch, getting over her initial fright, conjured an amethyst scythe out of thin air and advanced on Rel who was busy dispatching the hunter that the Professor had pushed off the platform. Having scared everyone, the Professor once again went invisible. Due to his being invisible, no one got to see his hair stand on end like a demon Dennis the Menace. Snorri then turned to face and oncoming Kislevi merc whilst coming under fire from the bows of two hunters. He went in for an enormous chop with his Azthrund but on the power-up backswing, the thing got lodged in a pile of wood behind him. Now invisible, the Professor sent another kislevi merc to sleep who had climbed up onto the platform, whilst whispering sweet nothings in his ear. Aleksi then heard hoofs come ever closer.

#### Spooky Bitch does Spooky Tricks

Although Snorri was tied down, taking many hits in combat with two hunters and a kislevi merc, Spooky Bitch was missing Rel with her scythe and the Professor was running riot, so the fight seemed to be going our way. Spooky bitch clearly saw this and took a purple stone out of her pocket. The stone shimmered a magical purple and the Professor nearly wet himself with excitement, for, this was clearly a Stone of Power. Spokky Bitch raised the stone and muttered a spell. Rel then shattered her skull with a well-aimed spear strike. However, Spooky Bitch did not perish: a purple light filled the hole in her head, reforming the shape of her skull and her blood too was transformed into a flowing purple light. Aleksi made a shocked pikachu face. The Horse Archer then galloped in and began charging around missing shots. Seeing that Snorri was under heavy fire from two hunters, the Professor created a great pool of utter darkness, blocking Snorri from their view. Aleksi then shot out the heart of the kislevi merc Snorri was in close combat with. However, purple light filled the cavity in his chest. The merc looked down at the cavity, and then looked at Snorri, who then looked at the cavity and back at the merc, who then looked down at the cavity and back at Snorri, who was making a shocked pikachu face, but you couldn't see it properly because of his beard. Hating every second he looked at the abomination before him, Snorri brought down his Azthrund, which dislodged some black power from the barrel and ignited within the merc, blowing him to smithereens and snuffing out that dreadful purple light. Naturally, Snorri was covered in guts. The Professor then jumped down from the platform and stabbed the Spooky Bitch in the back, finally killing her properly. The Professor then scrabbled about on the floor for the Stone of Power. The Hunters who had been firing at Snorri legged it into the woods. A purple glow began to collect around the dying body of the Captain whthen stood up and lumbered towards Snorri. Meanwhile, Rel used her spear to knock the horse archer off her horse. Rel then stabbed her in her leg. Purple light began to collect around the horse archer too. The Professor then appeared out of thin air behind the undead Captain and finished him off once and for all, whilst Rel dispatched the horse archer without issue. We were victorious in the field once again and we congratulated eachother on an excellent fight. Boy, we sure do love ultraviolence and a real threat of death.