5mikeh the irritable

"For it is better to mosh for the Emperor than to rock out for yourself, my brothers should have dived unto the great brawl with me!"

- 5mirkeh to the Chapter Lord and Lady on the final battle of the outlastian campaign

## Backstory and recruitment into the chapter

5mirkeh was born and raised in a binary star system called Sessux and spent most of his childhood on a grassy, almost featureless agriculture world of Fibbicus before a large imperial tithe started a chain-reaction that ended with the total destruction of the planet's ecosystem and the citizen's decent into civil war.

5mirkeh's memory of the time when Fibbicus was an agri-world faded alongside the destruction of law and order on Fibbicus, all interviews regarding 5mirkeh's past has ended the same, with 5mirkeh loosing his temper and forced to the ground with excessive force.

When the chapter made planet-fall they swept across the planet with lightning speed, bringing swift death to the heretics whom renounced their trust in the emperor and rescuing loyal citizens in the thousands. As they did so they came across trails of stubber shells with renegade settlements destroyed with crudely-sprayed Imperial Aquilae covering any sign of the Ruinous Powers that have manifested on the ramshackle buildings.

"The people responsible for the destruction of these bases are to be captured alive, the death of the unknown party responsible is unacceptable." - where the orders given out to the 200 strong battle-force of Cardinal Archivists whom continue their campaign across swaths of dust-blasted streets and the plains of endless sandy oceans that over major patches of Fibbicus, coming across more unusual signs of resistance and gang-warfare they continued to press on and gathering evidence of a loyalist resistance still trying to fight to restore order and returning the Emperor's light to a wasteland that failed to state the tithe handed down by the Adeptus Ministorum.

Nearing the end of the campaign, the chapter's scouts have stumbled across a curb-stomp battle fought with stubbers and crude melee weapons between a well-armed group of cultists and a cornered remnants of the planet's PDF.

Whom where fighting to the last man, the Astartes-to-be 5mirkeh was that chosen manning the only heavy stubber laying down leaded wrath at the charging horde of heretics. To be blasted by a hail of shrapnel lobbed from the hand of one of his assailants forcing the scout squad's hand and committing to the obliteration of the attackers to recover whatever remained of the loyalist gang, as the group's triggerman was captured alive and sent off for aspirant trials.

## Becoming an Astartes

"I have lost the memory of my relatives, the people that fought alongside me died, my final hurrah in the face of heresy is denied and now the loss of the planet to the Lord and Lady's whims?"

*5mirkeh lamenting on the loss of both his memory and the planet.*

5mirkeh was both a shell of his former self and absolutely furious at the fact that he outright believed that he was going "Get the last laugh" as he quotes sometimes, but he did come to his senses and was willing to be transported to O'magudnis for marine compatibility tests and a certain chance to serve something much bigger than he ever was.

Throughout the operations and therapy to become a space marine he was very easy to loose his temper and had a history of bashing heads with the 10th company master at the time, throughout the time of becoming a space marine his fellow neophytes had a very difficult time to restrain the rookie 5mirkeh and wait long enough to control himself.

## As a scout

"I will NOT let YOU do ***that*** or so help me Emperor I will REPLACE YOUR BRAIN WITH MY FIST!"

*5mirkeh capturing a noise marine attempting to pour slaneeshi tainted beer down a fellow marines bass guitar.*

5mirkeh had a love/foaming-at-the-mouth hate relationship as a scout for the entire reason that stealth required patience, something 5mirkeh had to seriously work at to overcome because of his unusual temperament after becoming a full-fledged Astartes. However, after serious self-discipline work (and being captured a handful of times) he started to enjoy the fact that he was the person who was to guide heavy munitions onto targets on the field and getting a first class seat to all the pretty explosions.

5mirkeh had a spotty but successful record as a spotter for heavy weapons fire and, after his time as a scout passed he would start to miss his time as a spotter whilst at the same time jealous of the newbies who got to do his job.

## As a devastator and the battle of forge world Metalica

"SHUT UP DREADNOUGHT, I AM TRYING TO LEARN THE SODDING LYRICS!"

*5mirkeh on imperial distractions*

As a scout 5mirkeh was very easily annoyed and was known to give his position away with the fact that he would scream so hard it would shatter vox communicators and bust imperial guard's eardrums. This did not surprise 5mirkeh because at least when he left the scouts he would be able to become a devastator marine.

"... The dark Eldar made for fantastic target practice!"

*5mirkeh on his first taste of total warfare*

His first deployment as a devastator was the battle for Metalica, an all-metal forge world whom was run by the Adeptus Mechanicus, a known ally to the Snipe and Wib chapter who was under a sustained and violent assault by the sick and twisted Dark Eldar. When the liberation fleet was cleared to make planet fall the Dark Eldar had severely wear down both the Skitaari, Imperial Guard, and the garrisoned titan legion forces stationed on the planet and was well on the way to the overpopulated habitation blocks whom contained the normal human workers of the besieged region of the forge-word.

5mirkeh's mission was to act as a surgical strike force alongside a demi-company of both brother marines and Space Wolves to attempt to cripple the Dark Eldar threat and secure the forge world's assets with one single and brutal hammer blow, however the demi-company's initial assault craft faced sustained anti-aircraft fire whom shot off course and forced to spread out and across a very wide area as to negate initial losses when the force was making planetfall, Thus the assaulting force spent valuable time attempting to fight their way back to Skitaati bastions to regroup and hold the line for as long as possible, all while awaiting the activation of the Imperiator class titan "Galacticus Gaius" scared assault platform and to await a severely needed resupply.

The two chapter's got what they promised and after weathering unrelenting dark eldar counterattacks they set out to gain ground lost during the initial landing and tactical withdraws, but it took days of trench-based warfare to gain back enough ground to where the demi-company was back in a favourable position and set out on what they came to do, and they struck out with lightning speed and unrelenting fury with the Imperial guard, Skitaari and Imperial titans at their call and the Dark Eldar where obliterated off the face of Metalica.

After the battle all the parties whom had fought against the Dark Eldar threat where briefly detained for questioning and debriefing by Ordo Xenos Inquisitors working in secret within the confines of the largest manufactorums.

## Becoming a dreadnought

"I AM THE HOUSE THAT DOUBT BUILT!"

*5mirkeh's last words before stage diving into a crowd of Orks*

During the final battle in the Outlastian Campaign when the chapter started to blast music though whatever loudspeaker they could get their hands to incite a massive ork-powered mosh-pit 5mirkeh was completely and utterly overcome by the sheer amount of awesome went against the good will of our chapter masters and stage dived straight into the Ork horde and was not seen until after the fighting stopped, hours after the battle had concluded the chapter's apothecaries had nearly finished recovering the chapter's losses when they spotted 5mirkeh in a large pool of his own body parts laughing hysterically at the mess he was.

#### Apothecarion log, subheading: "Punishment enough"

*The chief apothecary gives a long, drawn out sigh and begins to speak into the vox recorder as screaming and cursing is heard in the background*

Apothecarion log 657: Recovery of what remains of Captain 5mirkeh was a success even with the amount of bodily mutilation he had received after he launched himself at a crowd of countless thousands of orks, apparently Captain 5mirkeh was found to be lying in a pile of his own body parts and shattered armour fragments laughing at the extent of his injuries.

*The Chef Apothecary flicks through sheets of paper and sighs again, and talks to the chapter masters*

Captain 5mirkeh, Lascannon expert with a bad temper ignored the direct orders to remain with this squad and has sustained life threatening injuries that the Apothecaries are unable to undo, Recommended course of action?

*The Apothecary leaves his desk and enters the room containing the body of Captain 5mirkeh, he voice booms though the room and is easily picked up by the recorder.*

5mirkeh is to be entombed inside a sarcophagi as punishment for defying the Chapter Lord and Lady's orders, the operation is to begin immediately.

*The recording continues throughout the operation up to the moment the sarcophagi is sealed and quickly taken away before the Apothecary enters the room again and mumbles one last thing before stopping the recording*

It's punishment enough to suffer the conversion process, I don't understand what Chapter Lady Snipe was so . . . giddy about.

## His ongoing feud with "Freyja"

One of his most memorable as a dreadnought was a deep-strike assault to battle traitor astartes on the fallen world of Razgriz on the Segmentum Ultima alongside a few select elite squads from the 1st company.

5mirkeh was summoned by the Chapter Council prior to this most critical mission, as the briefing went trough the elaborate mission details, it was revealed to the few marines gatherd that one of Lady Snipe's bodyguard is a female beast subhuman.

Since the near-victory and the subsequent exterminatus of Razgriz 5mirkeh has known of Freyja's existance in the chapter and knowledge that she has swore a vow of silence to not speak whenever around the vast majority of the chapter who don't know of her true identity, 5mirkeh went straight back to Draconis to discuss his revelation.

"Did you really know all this time that the Shieldmaiden was both female and an abhuman?!" Smirkeh immedietly barked in an unusual tone to Draconis.

"I did" Draconis replied with his regular demeanour. "This suicide mission can afford no secrets" he said harshly.

"Afford no secrets?, because we where expected to die?" Smirkeh says, his tone changing to a more confused state as his inconsistent mind scrambles to try and figure out what Draconis said

"To avoid distracting revaluations in battle" Draconis replied sternly.

"Throne's arseplate, I can tell because . . . an abhuman would be too process and I can see myself freeze to try and comprehend the weight of the situation. I owe you enough already on top of explainations, say, who would be using a jetpack in the middle of the fortress monestary?" As 5mirkeh twists his torso to face the marine barrelling towards him with jetpack roaring and power sword already drawn.

"I heard you talking shit, Deadman"

What happened following the incident was only known to 5mirkeh, Freyja and Draconis as 5mirkeh rushed to report to Fergus attempting to explain why he badly scratched with his voxcaster's heavily damaged and emitting static in varying tones frequencies.

## 5mirkeh's wargear

#### As a marine

"GET LOW!"

*5mirkeh screaming at fellow astartes to take cover during a skirmish with the Tau Empire*

"The impotent rage and skill with a lascannon gives 5mirkeh the air of a ill tempered Vindicare Assassin"

*Inquisitor Matticatus Wardicum right before his . . . violent retribution at the hands of 5mirkeh"*

5mirkeh was a steadfast and a very unpredictable devastator marine who was known to hang back behind the front lines and use his heavily modified Lascannon "Luminark of Hysh" to unleash supercharged laser blasts, When interrogated about the use of psychic energy as a weapon 5mirkeh was quoted "I don't care, The fact that my lascannon has not failed me so far is a testament to the machine is willing to kill shit".

5mirkeh like most of the other marines posted on long tours across the galaxy has his own personalised suit of power armour that he is forced to maintain on his own, this has lead to his armour to be focused towards more protection than any other marine would really need, with both a chest piece and armoured collar taken from "Errant" pattern armour designs and excessive use of extra plates of ceramite fused into place with molecular bonding studs has left 5mirkeh's armour a lot heavier and less agile than many of his marine battle brothers, When questioned as to why we would do such a thing 5mirkeh replied "Because if the Luminark where to detonate at least I would have a chance of surviving the blast with minimal injuries"

#### As a dreadnought

"GET THE FUCK OVER IT!"

*5mirkeh to a chaos space marine whom he had blown the arms and legs off and left to die*

5mirkeh is a ranged fire support dreadnought that uses dual twin-linked auto-cannons who he calls "Clink Hammer" because he found the name to be rather cool sounding. Sometimes when combat becomes increasingly close he would swap dual auto-cannons for a Ironclad weapons load out complete with a hurricane bolter, frag assault launcher, seismic hammer and two Hunter-Killer missiles whom he insists would "work better" if he was able to use them with his dual auto-cannons.

Rumours have risen that the manufactorum beneath the Chapter's monastery and their Tech-marines are working on applying jump-packs to both dreadnoughts and venerable dreadnoughts, with Dreadnought 5mirkeh as a both a possible prototype and volunteer. No conclusive evidence has been presented, however, but multiple members who were questioned about it did admit a sense of excitement of such as incredible feat, stating that it would be "Hype as shit!" if it were to happen.

Against the protests of the Adeptus Mechanicus and many of the chapter serfs in the manufactorum, there is a team of master technicians set about attempting to mount a thunderfire cannon of Dreadnought 5mirkeh both alongside his standard armament and all the structural modifications needed to fit one, the chapter masters have been notified and they have yet to speak about the situation as the project continues unhindered.

#### Chapter tactics

*Barbed wire, light tubes, tables, thumbtacks and chairs . . . those where the days"*

As 5mirkeh insists at the fact that he works best either alone, with other dreadnoughts or members with the chapter's Magister Musica providing ranged fire support alongside the 7th company and their captain: Hans Draconis laying down large volley's of autocannon fire to support his battle brothers.

5mirkeh, however is also known to close-in on the foe, usually getting dangerously close or wondering into range of their heavy weapons.

#### Trivia

1. Since the Cardinal Archivists are a descendant of the Raven Guard, our chapter inherited the Gene-Seed mutations that effected our progenitor chapter, albeit in a lessened state. But 5mirkeh is unfortunate to have the opposite of what many of his battle brothers received with both having jet-black eyes and the "Ash Blindness" - That's caused 5mirkeh to lapse into bouts of suicidal rage that has caused his inevitable downfall on Outlastia.
2. 5mirkeh is known to wear his dreadnought body out quickly during combat deployments, often needing lengthy maintenance when he returns back to 'Omagudnis, this also adds to his irritability and oddly this combat effectiveness.
3. He holds the maintenance team in high regard and hardly gets angry when they are assigned to care for him, the exact opposite happens with the techpreists of the "Ineptus Mechanicus" as he calls them
4. 5mirkeh is outright forbidden to seriously harm or kill chapter serfs, but somehow he never laid his large dreadnought hands on any of the chapter serfs out of both respect and believing that they are outright better than the Adeptus Mechanicus.
5. For as much as he holds a grudge against the AdMech, he acknowledges that they are the whole reason the Imperium as existed for this long.
6. He has a knack for blowing the arms and legs of any assailants that get far too close for their own good
7. During battles with the Magister Musica, he is known to shoot his autocannons in rhythm to certain parts of songs.
8. Is a fanboy of Promethium Purgation, and always insists that he goes "on tour" with them.
9. As a marine, 5mirkeh nearly strangled an O'magudnis greater horned Owl to death when he was off-duty. when interrogated about the accident 5mirkeh was quoted "I fucking love owls, who does not love owls and their constant hooting?"
10. As a dreadnought, 5mirkeh was once left in O'magudnis woodland and was forced to enter stasis. During that time his sarcophagus became a nesting ground for O'magudnis greater horned Owls until he was recovered 5 months later.
11. Dislikes plasma weapons for the sole reason that the Adeptus Mechanicus forgot to make reliable models.
12. Neophytes are advised to never engage conversation with 5mirkeh, nor accept any of his offerings as he is known to randomly punt new recruits to the chapter with enough force to send them flying across large hallways.
13. His favourite RTS units are the Protoss Immortal, the Aeon Illuminate's Galactic Colossus and the brotherhood of nod's cyborg commando.
14. Known as his nickname "The lifeless object alive", apparently he heard it in a song he heard once and he INSISTS that he is to be called that after his near-death experience at the end of the Outlastian Campaign.
15. One wore robes, and then very quickly stopped wearing them after several unfortunate accidents involving floor-mounted air ducts.
16. Since his Interment 5mirkeh's tone has been inconsistent, he blames it on both the outcome of the Outlastian campaign and the conversion process involving the installation of the MIU into his head and (what remains of) his body.
17. 5mirkeh is a level "sigma" on the Psychic Power Hierarchy, psykers whom have been around him for long periods of time often complain of headaches and ill symptoms whom quickly subside.
18. His theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-AdynsoWCRI&index=3&list=RD-4bH0tAU6Ys It sums up how he feels about the future of the chapter, and his place in that.

## Finally got some rules written up for the lunatic

#### Smirkeh the irritable

125 points

WS: 2 BS: 5 S: 5 I: 3 A: 3

FA: 12 SA: 12 RA: 10 HP: 4

Unit type

Vehicle (walker)

Unit comp.

1 Dreadnought

#### Wargear:

2x Twin-linked autocannons

Searchlight

Smoke launchers

#### Special Rules:

Destroy! Destroy!

all of 5mirkeh's weapons automatically have the Rending special rule.

Irritable:

If 5mirkeh

OPTIONS

May include 4 addtional dreadnoughts +100 points

5mirkeh may swap his dual twin-linked autocannons for the following:

2x Twin-Linked Heavy Bolters +15 points

2x Assault Cannons +20 points

2x Twin-Linked lascannons +35 points

5mirkeh may also take the Connection For Fire Control Interface (C.O.F.F.I.N) relic for 25 points

5mirkeh may also have a "mounted marine" +14 points

A mounted marine counts as a pintle-mounted heavy weapon that, has the same Ballistic Skill yet fires independantly from 5mirkeh but is unable to benefit from either Destroy! Destroy! or C.O.F.F.I.N.

This single marine ALWAYS uses the same heavy weapon 5mirkeh is currently using.

Heavy Bolter +10 points

Assault Cannon +20 points

Lascannon +20 points

Autocannon +15 points

If 5mirkeh falls in battle, place a single Cardinal Archivist Devastator model within 1d3 inches of where 5mirkeh was. He the same ruleset as Devastator Squad, but with 1 unit.

#### C.O.F.F.I.N

A peice of archeotech left over from ages past, the C.O.F.F.I.N Neural Interface is a special array of micro-cameras and sensors dotted around the Dreadnought's hull that that can be wired straight into the Mind Impulse Unit of the pilot, providing 360 degrees of vision and a much improved early warning system over the original hardware installed inside the Dreadnought Hull. However the flood of strategic and tactical information that comes with using the C.O.F.F.I.N can exert the pilot quickly if the neural network is overused in battlefield conditions with the many overlapping cameras and sensors placed around the hull being vulnerable and are easily damaged via the many hazards that may threaten the hulking war machine over the course of a single campaign.

25 points

Automatically grants 5mirkeh the Interceptor special rule.

At the start of every shooting phase, 5mirkeh may have the skyfire special rule for that shooting phase.