Back to Basics

***Back to Basics*** is the title of the fifth chapter of Belinda Blinked 6, and is the chapter covered in the fifth episode of the sixth season of *My Dad Wrote a Porno*, released on 21 June 2021.

## Description

*Belinda finally returns to Steele's Pots and Pans and has some scores to settle with her colleagues.*

## Featured Characters

*(In order of appearance):*

* Gunda, disguised as Trixie Forward
* Belinda Blumenthal
* Mr Hushman (mentioned only)
* Bella Ridley
* Jim Stirling (mentioned only)
* Chi Chi (mentioned only)
* Bill (mentioned only)
* Ken Dewsbury
* Andy Milston (mentioned only)
* Patrick O'Hamlyn
* Dave Wilcox
* Tony Sylvester
* George Sylvester, disguised as Giles Cottonsbirth (final appearance)
* Maeve
* Giselle Sylvester

## Featured Locations

*(In order of appearance):*

* Shangri La Hotel
	+ Belinda's suite
* Steele's Pots and Pans headquarters
* The Pentra (mentioned only)

## Introduction

*(Prior to beginning the chapter, Team Porno discuss):*

* James being baffled by Alice's stripy multicoloured running outfit and the half-eaten piece of marmalade toast she pulled out of her handbag
* Alice being baffled by Jamie saying that he has swallows in the attic and is feeling under the weather
* Jamie being baffled by James' long hair
* James being worried that he will be cancelled for not liking Alice's outfit
* Jamie recapping the fourth chapter
* The hosts hoping that the chapter will see a return to Steele's

## Synopsis

As the moon howls, Trixie constantly high-fives Belinda's pussy lids, slapping it against her hand to make her gush. Orgasms from businesspeople really set the milk from the curdle, no matter the continent you're bonking on. Trixie looks into Belinda's show-stopping vagina as she had never seen such a beautiful arrangement of damp skin folds, at least not since the pages of her favourite Dick Francis novel had been left out in the rain. As Belinda and Trixie lie in the recovery position, Trixie says that she can tell from her tongue movements that Belinda is European. Belinda, slightly drunk on fanny juice, blushes and says she never knew she chomped pussy in an accent. Belinda says that Trixie is right and that she is indeed European, British particularly and English exactly. Belinda says that she loves Europe because there are so many citizens to indulge, while Trixie tells her that she's read comics and mags about Berlin but has never been able to go, for obvious reasons. Belinda says that she's actually going to Berlin at the end of the month - something about blueprints and a guy named Mr Hushman - and kisses Trixie tenderly. About an hour later, as Belinda soggily sleeps, Agent XYZ takes off her Trixie bob wig in the mirror with her fake crow's feet and even faker chins telling her that the operation was a doddle. Next stop: Berlin - she knows, and she hopes she has enough months on her passport. Forward blinks.

About a week of sunbathing later, Belinda returns to her natural habitat, strutting into the reception area of Steele's Pots and Pans. Every employee stares at her tits and ass, which was unsurprising as her vagina jives to "Hey Big Spender" by Dame Shirley Sassey while her hips pop against filing cabinets and inkjet printers on the way to her office. What she sees upon her entrance is Bella, prodding croissant crumbs as she flirts long-distance with Jim Stirling. All of Belinda's personal effects had been removed from her corner office, complete with window, and is now expected to EDADD - Every Day A Different Desk - in the RSM pen. Removing her file-of-facts, a framed picture of her parrot Chi Chi and some all-purpose lube from her cardboard box, she begins to dress her battered desk for the day but come lunchtime, Belinda's livid. Throwing the marble cake that Bill from HR made celebrating her safe return onto the floor, she tore a tornado of personality through the office, yelling "is this how you treat me?!" into the lift shafts. She laments about saving the company from an exclusivity deal with Okea by the bins, and by 4pm GMT she arrives at personnel. Bending down onto the desk of Ken Dewsbury, her heaving cleavage bobbing like a sailor lost at sea, she asks if he missed her to which he responds with "aye, aye pet", trying to cover the confidential phone call he was having with Andy Milston down at the factory. She snogs Ken with passion and swivels full of spite over to Paddy. She asks if he even noticed that she was gone, to which he says "of course, boss- I mean, Belinda, I noticed your lack of love every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every-" and Belinda interrupts him, barking and telling him to fuck her. Paddy dutifully strips to his four-leaf clover and Belinda turns to Dave Wilcox, Paddy's cock in her mouth. Spitting Paddy out, she greets Dave and asks him if her being written off as dead bothered him at all, calling him a piece of shit. "It did, miss," he reassured her as his dense dick jams into her giblets. Belinda quivers with excitement - her bollocking with the RSMs is perhaps the most arousing thing she's ever experienced.

About 17 minutes later, Belinda's vagina has become wet enough to drown a small rat, but she isn't done. She squelches into Tony's office, the biggest on site, and derides him for leaving her for scrub and dust. Tony sternly introduces her to Giles Cottonsbirth, Steele's latest hire from the Welsh country. Wiping sweaty strands of hair from her forehead, Belinda pushes her tits back into her blouse and smiles at the elderly lobbyist reclining on Tony's sofa-bed. Maeve waves hello to Belinda sexily from the other corner of the room, and Belinda winks her eye at her while her professional eye surveys the Welshman. Tony tells her that Mr Cottonsbirth is an expert in product research and could use some corporate synergy from her, and Giles informs her that he's had a nightmare trying to gauge reaction to a soggy veg product and she's the one to ask about it. Belinda takes him to one of Steele's product research panel booths where the focus groups are booked up and ready to go. Giles limps as he follows Belinda through the bowels of Steele's, and as they pass the leather room he makes small talk for collegial purposes. He tells her that he's an old schoolfriend of Giselle's and asks if he's in, to which Belinda responds that she feels as though she hasn't smelt Giselle's stench in a lifetime. Giles tells her that's a shame but just at that second Giselle exits the payroll room, beaming as she fans herself with her little brown envelope. She asks if Belinda fancies a Pentra sesh after knock-off. Belinda greets her awkwardly and Giselle asks who her pal is, causing all four pupils to swell like a waistband in yuletide. Giselle and Giles recognise each other, with Giles calling her "the Special Bitch". Giles melts from Welsh to his regular voice, as it is actually George Sylvester in disguise. Belinda is disgusted at such deception, especially within the sanctuary of Steele's Pots and Pans - and particularly at a time when the product research team really is in need of extra help. Giselle panics and tells Belinda that her brother-in-law is in need of law enforcement quite quickly.

Belinda begins to prepare her tools to perform a citizen's arrest, until something happens. Giles/George extracts an extra-long slice knife from his cane and demands the blueprints from Giselle, telling her that if she does, he'll let her live her long life of mediocre existence. Giselle says that he won't rest until he's sliced her from eyelash to toenail, and she doesn't have the blueprints anyway so he should leave her alone. George approaches her with a sneer but Belinda has an epiphany; she may no longer be the International Sales Director of Steele's Pots and Pans but she's still Belinda, and that means something to someone every night of the week - so why not today? Without a second's doubt, she places her whole body beautiful in front of her Glee Team cofounder, and nothing could touch her special friend without hacking through her first. George laughs a nasty little laugh with throaty notes, and as he coughs Bella bounds down the corridor, asscheeks thudding against each other and jumping into formation. She plants her feet straight in front of Belinda and Giselle, making the Russian doll of friendship an imperious mass of human flesh. George cackles, sarcastically wondering if they really think they can save her, to which Belinda and Bella say "you bet your saggy ass!". Behind them, Giselle's heart swells to the size of Beryl Streep's talent. George sneers that they're all stupid and takes out a long-barrelled pistol, saying that a bullet can kill all of them, even Bella, at once. Giselle calls him a rude person and Belinda screams that he's pathetic for thinking that Bella's fuller figure is a flaw, calling him a tragic loser. Bella laughs and says that she knows a sex-starved saddo when she sees one and they all laugh. George is confused, flips and calls them tramps. As George raises his gun, the Glee Team accept their fate as a trio of titty-totty, but as he squeezes the trigger, another shot is fired from down the corridor. The Glee Team blink.

## Notes

* Jamie revealed in this episode that Belinda Blinked 6 features ten chapters, meaning *Back to Basics* is the halfway point.
* In this chapter, Rocky suggests that Dick Francis books are all made of skin by comparing them to Belinda's damp skin folds.
* Rocky also mentions Dame Shirley Sassey, obviously a slight change to the actual Dame Shirley Bassey, and Beryl/Meryl Streep.
* In this episode Alice mentions Belinda's dominant behaviour, causing Jamie and James to bring up her talking about sub-dom relationships in the previous episode too.
* James also talks about his CCTV drain survey where a camera was put down his drainpipes, revealing a crack in the pipes - and a rat.
* James predicts that Giles is George Sylvester in disguise before Rocky's reveal, since he asks about Giselle and has a limp.