Arrowheads and Silk Threads

It's me, TechSaur. I know it sounds stupid for me to have a whole new account you'd expect me to use, but it's me. I'm not using the TechSaur account because it's connected to my mom's email.

A lot of you won't believe me, but I'm only making this account to say a final goodbye to the wiki and explain myself. I wanted to speak up for my terrible farewell I posted on AJStories Wiki. I can't have another chance on that wiki if my mom finds this account. I'd be in a mental hospital for sure if I'm discovered.

And if you can, share this with AJStories Wiki. I want people to see this so they know why I have to go.

Now, first- why did I have to leave? I made a poor statement reasoning my leaving. I was in a big rush and trembling. I wrote that with my mom watching me. I had no time for a true goodbye.

My mom is very concerned about me being on the web. I've made huge mistakes on the web in the past, and I'm not very trusted by my mom. I'm not that old, really. I'm merely a teen who thinks deeper than I should. I'm not "normal" like the others at my middle school. I'm often looked down upon with a bad rumor that I draw gory things- but that's true.

She didn't like the fact that so many swears were floating around the wiki. It was an impulse I had to swear to fit in and make others laugh. That really screwed up my time being there. When she finally decided to check her email seeing what I say, she found out. She read every little thing I did, and when she found out I made a Vine account and a tumblr account, she made me delete them. I live on outside the web in secret.

From then, I couldn't use my computer there at all. I'm at my nana's house right now. Nana let me use my laptop I got from her. And because I have the chance to speak up, I'm taking it.

Now, what else do I have to say about myself?

I'm not the best person, but I try to be at times. I'm actually very antisocial and only have three close friends. I'm too scared to say things about my own life because I know something may offend my parents, but I trust you guys on the wiki. I don't have to see anyone face-to-face on the web. I can relate to you guys and your own personalities, struggles, and other things. I spend more time with friends on the web than real friends I have in reality. I don't get to see them outside of school because mom doesn't trust me.

I'm too scared to say I have no belief in God because I know my family will see that as a 'sin' and will take me to church when I wouldn't believe anything. It's not true to me- we can't ENTIRELY prove things. What if people sayin' they spoke to God are just speaking of lucid dreams?

I'm too scared to say that I have a crush on one of my best friends, but she tried to kiss me, and she admitted to liking me also, and that it goes against God's word. I don't goddamn care if it's a sin.

I'm too scared to say that I've cut myself more than mom's seen. I don't want to be sent to a hospital, because she will if she finds out.

It feels like I'm connected by silk threads, pierced with arrowheads. I'm actually quite easy to break, but I'd never admit it, because people take this to their advantage in our damned world. I'm stressed in this world. I've got a black pit in myself, like the gaping jaws of a dog.

Why am I saying this? Because I trust you guys. I trust that you all won't be angry at me. I've known you all for such a long time, I feel that you should know before I leave. I trust you all, and I don't care if you do fuss. I won't be able to see it.

What about you guys?

I really miss you all. I really do. I really hate to leave, and I've had so much fun on the wiki. I've had the best time there, and I wish I could stay for a lot longer.

You all were great friends. All of you made the wiki truly shine and stick out from a lot of other wikis floating around. We all accepted each other and flowed well. We included others in stories, had big group chats... Fun times. Leaving makes me feel like I've turned to stone, covered by rotting vines and flowers.

You were all great, through rivalries and all the greatness we walked through, you were all amazing.

I'm okay with being killed off in stories, since I am leaving. Maybe- just maybe, but it would be a very long time- I might have the chance to return, but my doubts are high. I still live on, though. Mourning won't fix anything, though. All I ask for you is to remember the fun we had, and nothing more, nothing less. It's okay to feel bad about it, though.

Even through my tense shell, I too have feelings I won't show.

But it's my time to leave here, and this is my final farewell to the wiki. You can find me on Vine, though, if you want to keep in touch with me.

Anyways, I say farewell to you all. I wish you good luck in the future, and keep your hopes up, please..