Fearless Journal

These are the stories of Sapphire, Maria and Elena. Personal 1st person tales for those who wish to read them.

## S5 E6 (Post) - A Bad End, Beginning and Middle

2020, August 24th (Fearless)
She came to me in a dream, she whispered in my ear, her 5 eyes blinking “It was worth it.”
The goddess, demon, creature, me, them, us, they, fae, her, we. That other us, Fearless smiled, her fangs gleefully on display “It’s going to hurt, really bad, over and over again but you already know, you knew the second you met her didn’t you, that being with them wouldn’t end well. But you're Fearless, we are, so don’t be afraid, embrace it.”
Her nails trace against my chest a glow is cast on the scar on theirs “Some of us might not make it but we’re new, we’re stronger, we’re so hungry, we’re everywhere with her, just like Maria wanted, it was a shame she fought back the hardest but we’re a team, she saw reason.”
The creature sat on the bed “We really did try that whole hero thing, we tried so many things but we are who we are. We are survivors. Don’t let them stop you or hurt you, this is what needs to happen. “
Her grin gets bigger, just like EliZe’s sharp happy teeth “If you fight them, you’ll win. Like you all always do, we didn’t need power to destroy powerful things we could stand toe to toe with gods on wit and our own skills but they are stronger. Yet, we will still win because once it all goes down, we won’t be powerless anymore, oh no, we’ll have so much power. As long as we let her in and accept her for who she becomes. ”
That other us crawling back on top of us “We can be a part of her like we’re a part of each other, an extension, we can smash the world into the pieces it belongs in. We will, we already have, we have in the past, the present, the future, you just can’t see it yet. I am here, there and everywhere. Watching over you, waiting for you to become me. ”
I lean up and say “Shut the fuck up, I’ll get rid of you like anyone else, no one controls our fate or EliZe’s nothing is bound to happen, I will make sure EliZe lives a happy life so we’ll never become you and she’ll never become that again.”
Fea say one last thing to me “Oh she is very happy, but if you think you can make her happier, then I will welcome losing to you.”
With that the dream is over, yet I don’t feel like I am asleep for a second, no it felt so real yet, I woke up. Well, even if it was real, I don’t lose not even to myself. I turn over and see Elize, I smile a bit and fall back to sleep.

## S5E-Finale - Space, an introspection

October 12th, Somewhere in Space (Sapphire)

Out here in space, this is the first time for Maria, Elena or me have ever been out here. For the first time it feels like I was experiencing something for the first time with them instead of lagging behind my headmates. Like obviously I’ve done minor things first right, first one to play a particular game, or listen to some particular kinds of music, but this was a major life event. Going to freaking space and stuff, and I was getting to do it at the same time as them.
It’s super hard figuring out where Maria and Elena end and where I begin, I thought of myself as a fusion of them for the longest time, just  parts of Maria and Parts of Elena mashed together into a a creation of reality, the person who would exist if they didn’t but their essences were put together. Yet, they are here and I am here. I am my own person, I got to look at the stars so close and personally, the deep space, with them, getting to feel our different feelings all at once.
Figuring out what a Sapphire is is complicated, what I am is complicated. I am part of a basically plural system but also two of them existed apart from each other yet it feels to me like we’ve always had each other, through the depth of space and time like our hands reached out even mine, even though I am from nowhere, it’s strange.
Fighting the Cragborn was easy, not that fighting them wouldn’t be hard but that it felt normal, figuring myself out, figuring out how to help EliZe. That stuff is complicated. Me and her are connected, we’re both new, both learning, but EliZe is also different from me, she is suffering, she is afraid, I feel like she’s afraid of  turning back, like her existence might be unstable. I can feel it when the ring comes off and Maria and Elena flicker, I know something is wrong.
I want to do something, to find out if there is something only Sapphire can do to help EliZe, Maria has their sword and Elena has her passions, what do I bring to the table? What things can I do, what things do I like. As I look out in space, I look together with our eyes, I feel like, I might find out somehow, someday soon.

## S6E2 - Hot People Save Spacemace

**Maria**
Hey, were trying this whole, together journaling thing. I heard a lot of people on The Big Team journaled to get their thoughts and feelings out and we mostly been tending to our vices to do that so we figured it be more healthy this way. So hello private journal, hope your doing well, I know your made from some tree, sorry about that.

**Elena**
So anyway, it was mostly Sapphire fronting so we should probably let faer do most of the writing but I want to comment that The MilkShake Machine Closure gave us for Spacemace is so good and it’s a Holiday I can actually get behind. I wouldn’t want to do actual Christmas but Spacemace is just celebrating taking down some colonizers, it’s super swell. Back to the milkshake machine, it works on space magic and science and can make so many flavors, I would love to master these Milkshakes or the magic to gather resources like that from space, I mean as long as I could be sure it was ethical.

**Sapphire**
Alright my turn now, I was freaking awesome today but the day started with me and Astra doing study buddy stuff. It was so cute, I got to help help him with his homework cuz we’re all so good at history, although it was annoying to have to say “This is what’s in your textbook it’s wrong but this is what you need for the test”.  Still it was really nice plus me and Astra got to be cuddly during it and awww they are just the best.

After that some person with Space Cops with a BIg Stick or whatever showed up to ask to be part of our club as an official spy/negotiator or as the team calls it a leisuone. She actually seemed pretty nice, still think it’s fucked up that a bunch of teens are working for SPEAR, AEGIS, HARP, etc. Like Teens shouldn’t even have jobs let alone be put into military indoctrination.  Anyway, I try not to be too aggressive about that kind of feeling cuz Astra is dating Avis and I don’t want him to have any bad impressions of his boyfriend or to think that they have to choose sides or something. Regardless, Faust and Astra were super happy to say she could do that thing so she’s in and will be around the base.

Anyway, we’re just like slightly worried about anything like that and I am the least worried cuz I care less then the other two but I still care. Also apparently AEGIS has a list of Big Team weaknesses? What the fuck? I mean I think it’s funny cuz I mean our weakness is so fucking obvious but hard to exploit. Like going after someone we love, I mean it’s high risk of course because then we won’t hold back and we will try to destroy them but assuming we think we don’t have a chance, well then we would probably stand down. That said, Getting EliZe, Morgan le Fay, Jill, The rest of Owlnights, Laura, Lia, Boon, Atlanta, The Luminaries, Hikari, Subliminal, Maggie or many members of The Big Team sounds like it’s probably harder than just trying to kick our ass in a straight up fight.  Like maybe Izel or The Wolfe Island crew minus Signe who again would be as much trouble as fighting us. Plus for Wolfe Island they would have to go to Canada and Wolfe Island’s unique laws if they weren’t #GoingRouge. I am so bad at focusing, enough about that totally minor detail that just pissed us off.

Anyway, so Closure brought the Milk Shake thing that Elena was so happy about and we had to shrink it to get it in, it’s pretty big but honestly, so cool, super glad we have it. Closure is great, love that dragon. Then we got called up by SPEAR to say some evil Spacemace tree was headed towards the park so we went to space on Nebelum, which is sooo comfy and I got to cling to Astra while we all went up to space.

Anyway, so a bunch of people who were themed after things we would think of as being Christmas related but actually probably originated from Spacemace were there. We got to slash up a ton of robots. It was so awesome, also they let me front basically the whole time we were in space and I had so much fun. Normally I let Maria take over because they are the one with all the battle experience. Really my memories from before the fusion are like Cheerleading, singing practice, band performances and stuff on their end. Either way  I was on fire, I basically was just dunking on people the whole time. IT was great and it felt like I had my own fighting style. Doesn’t hurt that we’re all new to the demon fairy thing.

Then we got to beat up on Rudeolf who was so in love with Blitz it wasn’t even subtle. Faust and Astra were so cool and the three of us worked so well together. Also turns out somewhere in that fight Faust’s bow took over and they are totally another set of Body Sharing Club members!!! Faith’s bow wants to rule the world but like, I think they were kinda endearing. Also Maria thought they were kind of hot, I think Maria increasingly has a type.

**Maria**
Hey! Is calling me out really needed, is it nice, come on Sapphire.

**Sapphire**
This is literally a private journal and I am just teasing, you're also dating The Luminaries and EliZe also I am pretty sure you got hard rejected by the bow.
Anyway, we beat up The Red Nosed space person and then convinced him to pretend he won and take us to his boss. The Santa but ripped and with an eyepatch and some weapons was such a little daddy’s boy. Like total trust fund kid energy from that one. I embarrassed him then we all fought again. Astra was so cool again and I got to yeet a hot deer lady so I would say overall the fight went well.

Except I kinda fucked up the navigation system when I tossed the lady. Then the Bow decided to tell Closure to blow up the ship but when Faust decided to wreck Santa’s day it kinda set the ship towards The WatchTower. We managed to with the help of that SPEAR girl who never misses, oh we didn’t mention her awesome power, she never misses anything that’s such a good power. Like she thinks it’s not that impressive but we could think of so many ways to utterly destroy people with that power, it’s good that she is pretty innocent despite being part of SPEAR. Oh ya her name was Emilia Delgado, ya, it’s a great name too. We told her she should consider joining The Big Team but she didn’t think she was up for it.

Anyway, the ship blew up, everyone got off it so no one died, no one died in The WatchTower, so full success on our part, I did amazing, I looked amazing, I am sure everyone was super impressed with me, I was impressed with them for sure. Faust and Astra are probably two of the coolest people on the team now.
We saved the day, had Milkshakes and talked to Faith about body sharing feelings. Overall a good day and not the most wild adventure we had but I’ll put it in my favorites.

**Elena**
So anyway, the Milkshake Machine.

**Maria**
Let’s make that a B-tube video, oh wait you did Milkshakes recently.

**Elena**
I know, I mean I don’t think they are as good as my Milkshake but they are really good.

**Maria**
I’d agree.

**Sapphire**
Ya I’ll third that we should probably stop writing and just go eat some junk food and call the Luminaries see if they are down to hang out.

**Maria**

Later Journal.

## S6E11 - Once Upon A Mirror'd Night

March 12th, Morgan's Place

**Sapphire**

Today sure was a day, I was more or less resting in the back all day but I mean ooof it was sooo annoying. The day started with a call to go help at The Consortium which we answered "hell no" but then they said Merlin was kidnapped and we said "Hell, yes we'll be right there."

I mean it was for Ryan right, their one of our best friends. Plus Merlin was cool the one time we hung out with him so either way we're going.

**Maria**

Being at The Consortium makes me mad and nervous. That was only confirmed by me finding a book (which is part of a series?) on the magic crimes of Morgan le Fay Adult. That shit puts my Morgan at risk. Me and my gang mostly managed to stay out of The Consortium's radar but it was a risk Lia and Laura told me about all the time, the work we did meant we might end up with them targeting us.

If I felt fear this would basically be my boogeyman, which I think I am more or less over whatever fucked up thing in me made me not afraid of things, I think I could be afraid again but here, I just feel like it’s an annoyance. Like I am sure I could break out of The Consortium, losers let me in the front door and I’ve taken mental notes on everything I could. Still it was just ugh, thinking about Morgan being locked up because some other version of herself was a terrible person.

While everyone was up to their goofs I was just waiting for us to fix the portal and leave. We did and we went to The Knights Of  The Round place which everyone there was useless and we ended up finding out where the mirror monster took everyone thanks to Hana being basically amazing at everything now.

It was pretty obvious from there that the Mirror Monster shapeshifted cuz no one saw them and there weren't really a lot of signs of Missy, the previously mentioned mirror monster, the one that kidnapped Merlin. My only doubts were that shapeshifting with someone inside of you seems complicated.

**Sapphire**

IDK Maria we kinda do that all the time ;P

**Maria**

Shut up Sapphire, you know what I mean.

**Elena**

Anyway, they were at The Big High gym. Things sure have changed a lot from when I went there, it was not at all normal for Avalon or Mole people around let alone doing diplomatic meetings that could lead to war. Lucky for us we had a duchess with us from The Mole people who was funny and quirky and I found her whole thing very entertaining. Also Ryan was on fire and managed to use time sense shit to find where Merlin was exactly.

There wasn’t a lot of time to make a plan and there wasn’t a tactical sneak attack Ryan kinda marched over and asked for permission to kick the fake lancelote aka mimsy’s rear. There were also AGEIS people there including Splego who is part of Hayeli. I would have loved a chance to talk to them, they are not at all liked by anyone I know and apparently obsessed with Vic Toxic who sounds like one of the worst humans, and in forced labor for AGEIS, I feel bad for them. They might be an asshole but when I think of their whole situation I think I’d be a bit of a jerk too.

I feel like maybe if we talked to them we could convince them to get over Vic and help them make friends even if they had to be off the team. Like we know lots of villains, I am not saying they have to turn over their life all at once just I’d like them to keep better company. Which is why me suspecting Splego as having controlled Mimsy in the first place is extra troubling not just cuz it would get Haylei in more trouble but it would give all The Big Team more excuses to want to kick their ass.

Anyway, I fronted to fight The Big Mirror and saved Hana who got captured, I was pretty awesome and I felt like I had my own fighting style when I was mixing it with my fairy stuff, it was super cool and I’ve only done that kinda stuff in training before. The duchess summoned a big bus to save people in and that was really neat and  then also Ryan did something very cool with their powers and shut down Mimsy. I think they are okay, Mimsy that is, Ryan also is okay cuz they  saved their boyfriend.

The second we were done we walked away, the room was too nostalgic, I could remember kissing Mara in the gym when everyone else went to the changing rooms, that made me think of that time where Joan [Liminal] took my purse cuz I had forgotten it but I thought it was stolen. Mara went all greaser in public trying to find answers but luckily Adelita [Subliminal] told us about who had it before Mara got in trouble.

Then there was AGEIS which makes me think about what could happen to all of our friends if they got caught doing what they do or even us and about my mom and how I lost so much of my childhood..I couldn’t be there, I had to go. I also needed answers on Mara after that, we had a book of Morgan’s crimes we stole so we teleported over to Morgan’s place and researched together (when Maria and Morgan weren’t making out).

[Maybe a section on what they learned later if I find out what they learned.

**Sapphire**
In conclusion for today my other two brainmates more or less feel increasingly like they should have just quit when EliZe did which is valid. I want to keep being a hero and I don’t know how to do that on my own? I am not sure if it’s what I want or just what I know but we’ll see. They agreed we should stay on the team a little longer but today was a success with a mental tole. Well, I'm going to go head back home to cuddle the previously mention former elder goddess and maybe play a video game, byyyyyye.