TRP: Goro, Luci, and Mishka (Conversations)

**Lina:**

 [Setting: Day 172, the castle.]

He couldn't exactly avoid Mishka for the rest of his fucking
life, he supposed.

He considered a few alternatives to asking for Mishka's help
with the teleportation circle, including just taking a damn ship to the
Sanctuary (that would take too long), or walking to Skyport and paying some
wizard to teleport him (that would be too expensive). Mishka was the most
practical option, and Goro just wasn't crazy enough to turn his life
upside-down to avoid talking to him.

Honestly, this was a good excuse to initiate contact again.
Strictly business. Goro could keep a straight face the whole time, nice and
casual.

He packed his things, spent the better part of an hour
gathering up the courage, then sought Mishka out in his study again. The door
was ajar, like last time. Goro knocked on it and stuck his head in. "Hey.
You got a minute?"

Nice and casual.

**Coyote:**

 Mishka was studying what appeared to be an accounting
ledger, making careful notes as he examined each line. He stuck a bookmark
inside and closed it. “Sure,” he said. “Y’need something?”

He must need something if he was talking to Mishka again.
He’d been avoiding Mishka for about five days now. Mishka kept thinking he wished
he could make Goro feel better— he just knew he couldn’t.

**Lina:**

 "Uh, yeah, if you don't mind. I need to, uh, go back to
the Sanctuary. Talk to my mother about something. Was wondering if you could do
up the teleportation do-dah."

**Coyote:**

 Huh. Alright. “Yeah. I can do that. Right now, or later?”

**Lina:**

 "I'm ready to go, if you can do it now."

**Coyote:**

 “Yeah. Alright.” He hesitated again. “Hey, I’ve got a weird
fucking question to ask you, but it might be a whole thing, and I’m not sure
now’s the time. Do you wanna grab a drink with me later? Or maybe I can tell
you what it is, and you can think about it. Y’know. Get back to me.”

**Lina:**

 Goro frowned. "Uh. What... what is it?"

**Coyote:**

 Mishka dug a list out of his pocket. He only glanced at it a
moment before setting it aside. He’d practiced phrasing, practiced what he was
gonna say here, how to present it, and only now— initiating the actual
conversation out loud— did he realize that he’d never actually come to a
consensus, never decided for real what he was going to say or how.

So he put the paper aside, back in his pocket. Better just
cut to the fucking chase. “What if I wanted you to take truth serum first? I’ve
got some. It’s not that I think you’d lie, it’s just that whatever you say, I
don’t want to... doubt it. Or go over it a thousand times in my head the way I
do.”

**Lina:**

 Oh, this was getting fucking weird. Goro took half a step
backward, checking over his shoulder. "Uh... what... uh. I don't know.
I've never tried that stuff before. Could just get Joan to Zone of Truth us,
couldn't we?"

**Coyote:**

 “Joan has directly informed me, multiple times, she does not
want to know anything involving my relationship with you on any level.”

**Lina:**

 "Oh." Goro swallowed. The thought of putting
something in his body that would force him to only tell the truth made him feel
ill. "How long's it last?"

**Coyote:**

 “Hour for the full vial. Half hour for half,” Mishka said.
“Hansel and I did it once. His idea. That’s how we started talking, you know.
After the, ah... Red Germaine incident... he showed up at my house with a vial.
I said I’d take it and tell him the truth if he took the other half.” It was
weird, thinking back on it. It felt like ages ago. It’d been— what? Four
months? Five?

Mishka jiggled his legs, looking away. “He asked me if I
really meant to kill Jonn, and I said no. I asked him if he ever really loved
me, and... he said yes.”

He was avoiding shit again. Distracting them both with
meaningless information. “Look. How about this. I’ll tell you what it is. You
take the vial. If you decide you want to answer, come and see me.”

**Lina:**

 "Alright. Sure." He was too fucking curious to
just say no, at this point.

**Coyote:**

 “Maybe it’ll be easy for you,” Mishka said. “I’m probably
over-selling it, I just really want to fucking know.”

His eyes were unfocused, looking at the bookcase, not at
Goro. “If there were some alternate reality. Where I didn’t exist, or Hansel
and I didn’t get together. Where Hansel and I never met— or where he and I
divorced and never reconciled. And you had him all to yourself. You were the
sole star in his life. You were his husband. If you could pick that reality—
without hurting me, without hurting anyone, without it ever being a problem in
the first place— would you?”(edited)

**Lina:**

 "Why the hell do you want to know?" Goro asked,
fists clenching by his sides. He could try prying them open to take the vial,
he supposed.(edited)

**Coyote:**

 Mishka, said, very quietly, “Because I love you. And the
idea you want me gone is fucking heartbreaking.”

**Lina:**

 Goro didn't say anything for a long time. His mouth was dry,
and he felt cold.

"Can... can... you know what, I'll walk." He
waved, rigidly, and turned to leave, nearly tripping over his own feet.

**Coyote:**

 Mishka sat back down, feeling numb. He unfolded the paper
and looked at it.

None of his ideas or plans had involved telling Goro he
loved him. This was not a planned path of conversation. It was... fine, though.
He’d already prepared himself for this conversation to go badly. He’d prepared
himself for Goro to get upset, or refuse to answer. He’d prepared himself for
Goro to shrug and not care.

He’d go burn off some energy sparring with Joan. And she’d
see he was upset and spar with him, no questions asked, like she always did.
And then he’d go back to waiting. Kid needed space. Of course he did.

**Lina:**

 A moment later, Goro staggered back into the room, catching
himself on the door frame. His eyes were closed. "I actually do fucking
need the teleportation. Circle. Thing. Please."

**Coyote:**

 “Yep.” Mishka always had the pouch of emerald-dust chalk on
him in case anyone needed to get somewhere in a hurry. He followed Goro out,
heading towards the front of the castle. He preferred to draw his circles
there, on the cobblestones outside.

He didn’t look at Goro.

He was fucking dying to ask: So is that a no, you’re not
going to answer?

He thought about asking: Do I need to wait? Will you get
back to me? He didn’t want to wait indefinitely, on edge, and just have Goro...
never answer.

He thought about saying: You didn’t take the vial.

But he didn’t. Just bit his tongue ‘til it bled.(edited)

**Lina:**

 Goro opened his eyes long enough to watch where he was
going, so he didn't trip and die. He tried to keep them open and watch Mishka
draw the circle, but he couldn't. Couldn't fucking look at him.

He was shivering in a way that had nothing to do with the
cold air. He wrapped his arms around himself and kept his eyes shut. "What
the fuck, Mishka," he said quietly. "What the fuck."

**Coyote:**

 “Yeah.” Mishka’s jaw tightened. That’s about what I
expected.

Except that wasn’t true. For a split second, back there,
he’d let himself imagine this would go well, or at least okay. He needed to
stop fucking doing that.

He finished the circle and ripped a hole in reality, then
stepped back. The portal only lasted six seconds. Thought about saying
something— Don’t worry about it. Or: Forget it. I don’t need to know.

He’d shot Goro down before, then admitted he loved him. Of
course Goro was... upset, or caught off guard, or... just fucking
uncomfortable. Of course. This was always how it was gonna go.

But he just kept saying nothing.

**Lina:**

 "Love you too, you ass," Goro muttered, and
stepped through the portal.

**Coyote:**

 Mishka thought he was prepared for this, too.

He’d already listed it on his list of possibilities. Knew
it’d been a potential outcome. But now that it happened, he couldn’t stop his
reaction: the reflexive burst of hope, then the automatic crushing depression.
The thought: Maybe he does feel the same way. Mixed with: I’m just getting my
fucking hopes up again, and in another week I’m going to get crushed again.

It like waiting to get hit.

It was like asking to get hit.

He was the one who’d asked Goro this hard question, wanting
Goro to reassure him and knowing full fucking well that wasn’t what going to
happen.

He was already over-thinking it. Analyzing the tone and the
word choice. There was a difference between I love you and I’m in love with
you. He thought about diving through the portal after him and demanding
answers. That’d catch him off-guard.

He clenched his hand and closed the portal. Then turned his
back and left.

He needed to get really fucking drunk.

**Lina:**

 On second thought, that had been fucking stupid. Goro was
only planning to stay at the Sanctuary for a few hours. He'd probably be home
by fucking dinnertime, and he'd run into Mishka again. Good fucking god.

He didn't know what to do about the truth serum offer. He
didn't know what he'd say. What did truth serum do when you were fucking
ambivalent? Did you get to say both truths, or neither? Maybe he'd swallow it
down and just sit there looking anguished.

He could always refuse to talk about it. But he knew Mishka
would assume, then, that his answer was yes. And it just wasn't.

God, he was fucking pissed Mishka had put him in this
position, come to think of it. And god knew Hansel was going to hear about it.
Goro had a feeling he was somehow going to end up looking like the bad guy.

As he was leaving the room with the teleportation circle, he
stopped to kick a wall. Left a little dent. Whoops.

He had a few hours, at least. He needed to focus on what he
came here for, which was Luci. It was the same time of day as the last time
he'd hunted her down, so he headed for the library again. Used the long walk
there to clear his head, get into the right frame of mind.

When he arrived, he found her at the same reading table as
before, bent over another heavy book. He pulled out a free chair and sat down across
from her, clearing his throat.

**Izzy:**

 Luci looked up with a start. She'd been reading for too
long, frowning at the page, and her eyes were burning. She rubbed at them and
blinked at Goro. "You're back."

**Lina:**

 "Sure am. You miss me?"

**Izzy:**

 "Not really," she said flatly.

**Lina:**

 "Hardly anyone ever does." He nodded slowly.
"How're things?"

**Izzy:**

 She gave him a confused, tired look. "If you're asking
about my research, I don't have anything new yet."

**Lina:**

 "Nah, I'm just asking how you've been. You,
personally."

**Izzy:**

 "My adoptive father is being targeted by a god of war
and storms. Not amazing."

**Lina:**

 "Hm. Fair. And your brother?"

**Izzy:**

 "Nothing new to report," she said impatiently.
"I'm busy. What do you want?"

**Lina:**

 "I'm busy, too, Luci. I'm not here to waste your time.
I'm looking for some information." He shifted in his chair, leaning back
and propping one foot up on his knee. "You ever hear the saying, 'If you
want to find the leak, you've got to turn the barrel'?"

**Izzy:**

 She squinted at him. "No."

**Lina:**

 "Might be outdated. It's been a while since I ran with
any gangs. But it's something people used to say about trying to keep secrets
within a group. The key is you can't let everybody know everything, but you
have to make sure everybody knows some things. Multiple things. That way, when
you find out some of your secrets are getting spilled--that's the leak--you
look and see, ah, this secret's out, and this secret's out, and who was the
person who knew both those secrets? Oh, it's so-and-so. That's turning the
barrel. Get it?"

**Izzy:**

 "All right." She wanted to ask is this going
somewhere? but he seemed determined to waste her time, no matter what he said.

**Lina:**

 "Well. I've been turning the barrel, Luci. And you're
never gonna guess where I found a leak."

**Izzy:**

 Sha stared at him blankly, then rubbed at her face and
sighed and propped herself up on her elbow on the table. "Please don't
make me guess."

**Lina:**

 He smiled. Tried to do it kindly, but that was always a
gamble with him, and with young girls especially he could never blame them for
being disturbed. They always got the worst shit from creepy guys like him.

He reached over to tap the table in front of her.
"Right here." She preferred directness, though, so he would be
direct. "Are you working with the Sanguines?"

**Izzy:**

 "The what?"

**Lina:**

 "The gang your brother's running with. The people
wearing red."

**Izzy:**

 She gave him another confused look. "No. I don't work
with my brother. I'm a cleric."

**Lina:**

 "Even gangs can make use of clerics."

**Izzy:**

 She studied him for a moment. "I suppose you would know
better than me."

**Lina:**

 "Hm. Maybe, depending on how you look at it." He
cocked his head, studying her. "The shit about your dad, and Gruumsh. Who
all have you told?"

**Izzy:**

 "Um." She didn't understand the route this
conversation was taking, but maybe if she just went along with it, he would go
away. "Roddy, you -- well, everyone at the castle. Jonn. And Amari has
helped me research."

**Lina:**

 "Let's get real specific. Name everybody at the
castle."

**Izzy:**

 She sighed. "I'm not ... very good with names."
She closed her eyes and counted them off. "Hansel, Roddy, Mishka, Goro ...
Larkin. Nixie. Joan." She paused. "Ombre. Um. Gwydion." Another
sigh, frustrated this time. "I don't know all of you people. Roddy thought
we should tell everyone, so I told everyone."

**Lina:**

 "So... Hansel, Roddy, Mishka, Goro... Larkin, Nixie,
Joan, Ombre... Gwydion, Jonn, Amari. Who else?"

**Izzy:**

 She shook her head. "That's everyone. Are you satisfied
now?"

**Lina:**

 "'Fraid not. I've got at least two more questions, and
maybe some follow-up. First thing, when's the last time you spoke to
Jonn?"

**Izzy:**

 "Candlenight. I've told you this before."

**Lina:**

 "Yeah, but it's been a few days since we last spoke.
You haven't communicated with him since?"

**Izzy:**

 "Nothing new to report," she repeated, irritated.

**Lina:**

 "Do you keep notes? Like a journal, or record of your
research?"

**Izzy:**

 "No." She sighed. "I don't need to. I
remember."

**Lina:**

 "How about a journal of your thoughts, then?"

**Izzy:**

 She stared at him. "That's a personal question,"
she said quietly. "I think you should leave me alone."

**Lina:**

 "Luci, listen to me." He leaned in across the
table, fucking knowing it was probably gonna freak her out, but too desperate
to care. "I'm trying to help your dad and your brother. Somebody out there
fucking knows things they shouldn't know. And if they're getting that
information from you, you have a fucking right to know about it, don't you
think? So tell me. The journal. Any chance you wrote about me in it? About our
last conversation."

**Izzy:**

 She leaned away, shifting as if she were going to get up and
grabbing her staff. "I don't have a fucking journal. Go away."

**Lina:**

 He pulled back, grinding his teeth. He really needed to stop
fucking bullying this girl. But he was missing something. He just knew it.
"Listen, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to scare you. And I don't want to make
you uncomfortable. Well... I mean, sometimes you gotta be uncomfortable, and
this is some serious shit I'm asking you about. But I don't want you feel
scared." He thought for a moment. "What if... I went and got Amari?
And she sat with us. Would you keep talking to me then?"

**Izzy:**

 Her jaw clenched, and her grip tightened on her staff. She
hadn't had to use it since Jonn had left the Sanctuary.

She banged the end on the floor and commanded,
"Go," staring him down.

**Lina:**

 Huh. Damn. He'd never actually had someone give him that
Command before. He took off, making it all the way to the entrance of the
library before his stopped having a mind of their own.

He cupped his hands and called back to her. "That was
fair. Sorry again."

Being a man running and then yelling inside a library was
earning him a number of glares from the other patrons. Hopefully people
wouldn't fucking hold this against Amari, or whatever. She'd gotten a lot of
shit back at the abbey for having him as an apprentice, and he'd hoped she got
a fresh start with her reputation here.

**Izzy:**

 Luci kept white-knuckling her staff. She watched the door,
waiting for him to come back, ready to command him again if she had to. There
was always a chance of these things failing -- a better chance considering he
was a cleric as well. She'd gotten lucky.

Jonn liked Goro, but he liked most people, in his way.
Hansel certainly liked him, but his judgement had been shoddy in the past. She
thought she'd gotten a decent read on him, herself, but she couldn't account
for this. Like she was being interrogated. Like she had done something wrong
and he was trying to taunt a confession out of her, in an even less pleasant
way than the Abbess gently guilting her and Jonn for accidentally breaking a
vase, as children. Repeating questions, like he was trying to catch her in a
lie.

But she hadn't broken a vase, this time, and Jonn wasn't
here to claim responsibility and get Goro off her back. It put her on edge. She
was vulnerable without her brother to hold her hand and push her behind him.

Goro was so clearly suspicious of her, and she didn't know
what exactly she was under suspicion for -- talking about Gruumsh? Working with
Jonn's guild, somehow? She was trying to help. She was trying to make things
better. She still kept making them worse.

He called that he was sorry, from the door, and she stood
abruptly and walked into the stacks out of his line of sight. There were other
doors, and cubbies, and places to hide and escape. Jonn had shown her all of
them. She would crawl into one of them and wait him out.

**Lina:**

 Shit, he'd really fucking spooked her. Wasn't even sure why;
he'd tried to be as straightforward with her as he could. Must've just set her
off somehow.

Damn. This one really was worth a jaw-breaking threat.

And to top it all off, he hadn't even learned anything
useful. Alright, he'd fucking accept she wasn't maliciously feeding information
to Morgan Wyn. But there was something going on with her, god damn it. He just
hadn't been asking the right questions. He'd blown his chance.

Might as well go say hello to Amari while he was here, and
maybe-- maybe-- he could get her to talk to Luci more for him.

Yeah, right. Hey Ma, you wanna do my dirty work for me?
Yeah, she'd love that shit.

But he could ask her to just... check in on Luci. Make sure
she was okay, after Goro fucking freaked her out. That was good. A nice,
selfless thing to ask for.

Definitely not motivated by his hope that Amari would say
good things about him, and prevent yet another of Hansel's family members from
hating him. Yeah. Not that at all.

[end]

**Izzy:**

 Title: Conversations. Summary: Mishka tells Goro that he
loves him. Goro mildly freaks out, returns the sentiment, and flees to the
Sanctuary, where he interrogates Luci about being a Sanguine informant. She
denies it, but also freaks out and compels him to leave her alone.