Barnyard: Tex and The Original Party Animals Part Six: Pig. EXE Pigs Out

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Pip, Pig, Peck, Freddy, Otis, Toppy, Maddie, Asriel, Rohan, Dave, Tex, and I were finally at Delmonico's to get the steak that we needed to stop Dag and Tex. EXE, so we could go back to our original mission of saving the multiverse from EXE. Delmonico's was one of my favorite steakhouses ever. Plus, in our universe, I was practically a regular there. So, I gathered the team together and made it clear what we needed to do.

"OK, guys," I said. "This is my favorite steakhouse in all of the world. So, you guys need to make me look good here, as I am a regular here. Also, I think that we should dine in, so we can get the Delmonico steak to go. As long as Dag and his gang don't get us, we'll be good. Having no EXE confrontations, however, would be the icing on the cake. Any questions?"

"Just one," said Toppy. "You do realize that this is an entirely different Delmonico's than the one that you went too, right? This is the multiverse."

"Yes," I said. "But in the multiverse, I'm a customer at Delmonico's everywhere."

"Fair enough," said Toppy.

So, we all went into Delmonico's, where we were greeted by the owner, Don Monico.

"Hey! Kadin! How you been?!" asked Don, excitedly. "How long has it been? Five years?"

"Try two months," I said. "We need your best table for us. And the Delmonico One And A Half Pound steak for everyone, please. You know what I like."

"Anything for The Multiverse Protectors," said Don, as he lead us to our best table. "I'll bring it out to ya."

After Don left, everyone gave me an evil look, almost like I killed a man.

"What?" I asked.

"Kadin, first off, it would've been nice if you had asked what we wanted first," said Toppy. "Second, meat for an animal's dinner?! Seriously?! That's cannibalism!"

"Top, it's fine," said Otis. "We've done worst. Freddy once fed us a plate of jambalaya full of meat. I think that we're beyond being cannibals."

"If you insist," said Toppy.

"I apologize, Toppy," I said. "I just am overthinking our mission, you know? Like in my mind. I just want to get all three meats and resume our regular mission."

"I feel you, Kad," said Tex.

"It's all good, Kadin," said Toppy. "Just in the future, let us choose what we want."

"You know, the way you reprimand Kadin," said Asriel. "It's honestly hot."

"Yeah? Well, kiss me," said Toppy.

At that moment, Asriel and Toppy finally, after all of the interruptions during this adventure, got their kiss in. We all cheered as we saw Topsriel finally get their moment. But as soon as they got into it, the phone rang.

"Really?! At a time like this?!" asked Toppy, as he answered the call. "Hello?"

"I know what you, Otis, and Maddie did to Snotty Boy," said Dag, who was on the phone. "Not looking good for you."

"Dag?!" said Toppy, in shock. "OK. He's fine. We just needed the wings. We're on a very important mission to save the multiverse from a psycho who is corrupting the multiverse with EXE. Please understand. Plus, we have to protect Maddie and all other chickens from you."

"How many times do I have to tell ya? I'm not doing anything wrong," said Dag. "Just respecting natural order. Which will now also include you, for trying to ruin my operation. If the cops were to get involved, I'd have to move the pack to another town and start over! It's super annoying! Tex. EXE has helped us out! So, here's how things will work from now on: Either you bring that chick to me, and I'll keep her alive and at least make her watch your friends get made for dinner or I get my coyotes to hunt you all down, Maddie included, and make you all for dinner!"

"Shut up! You know we will never do that!" yelled Toppy, as his collar turned red.

"He is so cute when he's mad," said Asriel, as he watched his boyfriend rage at Dag.

But it was at this moment, Toppy knew he messed up.

"Shut up? Shut up?!" yelled Dag. "You don't tell me shut up! I tell you shut up!"

At that moment, another person joined the call. Actually, three people. We recognized the voices of Bryden Homola, Aiden Yeckley, and Snotty Boy instantly.

"Hello?" asked Dag.

"Yes, we'd like to place an order for delivery," said Aiden.

"Aiden!" yelled Toppy.

"Yo, Mario! Let us get a pie with everyone on it," said Bryden. "Anchovies, meatballs, mushrooms..."

"Bryden!" yelled Toppy. "What are you and Aiden doing working for Dag?"

"Toppy?!" said Aiden. "Well, since we can't write our pastas how we like, we decided to work for Dag. He promised us free illegal wings if we help him."

'You two did that to yourselves! If you hadn't stolen Rohan's stories, maybe you could still write pastas," said Toppy, not noticing Pig transforming into Pig. EXE. "But working for a psychotic coyote?! That is low! I'll be reporting this operation to the authorities and have you all arrested!"

"Not so fast!" yelled Bryden. "What are you and Dag doing working at a pizza place?"

"GET OFF THE PHONE!" yelled Dag and Toppy.

"But we're hungry!" said Bryden. "Well boys, DQ it is."

After Bryden, Aiden, and Snotty Boy hung up, it was just Dag and Toppy left on the phone.

"My coyotes are coming for you, Multiverse Protectors! They will rip you apart, limb by limb!" yelled Dag, before he slammed the phone down and hung up.

Toppy's face turned to one of fear after that call. Asriel looked at Toppy with concern, as Pig. EXE stared him down.

"Are you OK?" asked Asriel.

"Yes, I just need a glass of water," said Toppy, before he passed out from stress.

"Guys! Toppy fainted!" yelled Asriel, as he held his boyfriend in his arms.

"That's not all! LOOK!" yelled Rohan, pointing at Pig. EXE.

"Let's pig out!" yelled Pig. EXE. "The goat simp is gone now, and it's time for Piggy Wiggy to get his fill!"

We all charged at Pig. EXE to try and fight him. But Pig. EXE put all of us, except for Maddie, Toppy, and Asriel, in his mouth. Toppy, Asriel, and Maddie ran to hide underneath the table.

"Toppy! Come on! Wake up!" said Asriel, as he shook Toppy hard.

"Azzy, I'm really scared right now," said Maddie. "Why isn't Toppy waking up?!"

"Well kiddo, he fainted because Dag wants our heads on a platter," said Asriel.

At that moment, Toppy woke up.

"What happened?" asked Toppy.

"We have another EXE problem and Pig. EXE just ate our friends for dinner," said Asriel.

"What?!" said Toppy, in fear. "Maddie, stay as quiet as possible. OK?"

"Yes," said Maddie.

At that moment, the threesome heard Pig. EXE's burps and property damage coming their way.

"Oh, Goat Simps and Their Daughter? Where are you?" asked Pig. EXE.

"THAT IS THE LAST TIME ANYONE INSULTS US! GET OVER HERE, YOU PORKY PIG RIPOFF!!!!!!!!!!!!" yelled Toppy, as he flipped over the table to fight Pig. EXE, accidentally blowing the cover in the process, because he was offended by that comment.

Toppy than proceeded to hug Pig. EXE and turn him back to regular Pig. Pig proceeded to throw us up, alive. Also lucky for us, we had the steaks that we needed to complete the mission.

"That was disgusting," I said, in disgust. "I lost my appetite for the day. But at least we got the steaks! Now, all we need is a plate of bacon and eggs."

"OK," said Pip. "Seems simple enough."

"But wait!" I said. "It said that the bacon and eggs have to be from Denny's."

"Tex. EXE is so unreasonable," said Dave. "But so be it. Let's go."

We ended up staying at a hotel for the night. After Otis put Maddie to bed, he went outside to drink some milk. Toppy ended up joinig him to talk.

"Hey," said Toppy.

"Hey," said Otis.

"You got anymore of that stuff?" asked Toppy.

"Yessir," said Otis, as he yeeted a bottle of milk to Toppy and let him sit down. "I gotta say, you were awesome today."

"Well, when anyone insults my boyfriend, I'm gonna get defensive," said Toppy, as he took a big swig from his milk. "It's what you do for a lover, I guess."

"I wish I could've done that for Daisy," said Otis, as he slammed down his milk.

"What do you mean?" asked Toppy.

"On the day of The Great Slaughterhouse Auction Incident, I was one of the cows auctioned off to the slaughterhouse along with Daisy, Abby, Bessie, and my son," said Otis, as tears welled up in his eyes. "On the day they died, I was able to find a way to escape the slaughterhouse and return home. But Daisy and the others weren't so lucky. I had to watch in horror as all of the cows that I knew and loved got slaughtered before my very eyes. Abby was shot in the head with a captive bolt and her throat sawed open, Daisy had her throat slit Sweeney Todd style in a Halal killing, Bessie was cut into two by a bandsaw, my son had his skin ripped off in a machine, the chickens were decapitated and ran around frantically as blood poured from their necks, and don't even get me started about the brisket scissor, where the sheep were killed! I could've been the stronger cow and went back for them. But my own arrogance got the better of me. That's when I vowed that I would protect Maddie with my life. But you seem to be doing it better than me."

"How so? Also, how do you know all these terms?" asked Toppy.

"Think about it, Toppy!" said Otis. "When we met, Maddie was about to become a Cobb salad under my supervision! That's not responsibility! You, on the other hand, have kept her safe since day one of your mission! You saved her from that EXE stuff, you saved her from Pig. EXE today, and you seem to be cooler than me. I don't know. Maybe, I'm jealous of you. Also, I watched a documentary about slaughterhouses once, hence why I know those terms."

'Trust me, Otis," said Toppy. "You should not be jealous of me. You have a good thing here. You were only trying to do what's best for your friends and family. I've helped, but you are truly the stronger cow. On my team, I've always felt like the angry one. But then, I saw Maddie and everything changed for me. I found true happiness in myself. Apart from Asriel, of course. He also taught me true happiness. But Maddie's really grown on me since we've been here. You're doing great. I promise you that you've already redeemed yourself."

"Thank you, Top," said Otis.

Toppy took one last big swig from his milk before tossing it.

"Wow! That is nasty," said Toppy.

"Yeah, it's expired," said Otis. "I'm headed to bed, Top! Huge mission tomorrow. Good night."

"Night," said Toppy.

But that morning, a small mouse would be big infected with EXE.

(To be continued...)