recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
Bacon-flavoured cologne arc

This is a short story arc about Thaddeus Euphemism creating cologne that smells like bacon.

## Plot

Thaddeus is happy and two women are flirting with him. He explains to Bob that the women are attracted to him because he invented a cologne that smells like bacon. One man is attracted to him, which confuses him as he's "not even gay".

In the next strip, Thaddeus reassures the man that he is probably not gay, he's just experiencing the same emotions he gets when he smells bacon. He then tries to get the man to stop hugging him but he doesn't.
The Journey (Song)

**"The Journey"**is a song by English boy band 911. It was released on June 30, 1997 in the United Kingdom through Virgin Records as the sixth and final single from their debut studio album, The Journey (1997). It peaked at number three on the UK Singles Chart and remained in the chart for seven weeks.

## Lyrics

Time waits for no one, sure as the tide pulls the ocean

Sure as, the path that's been chosen, cannot be changed

In my life's destination, I searched for the explanation

For some kind of reason, for my sorrow and pain

But in my isolation I learned to listen

To be thankful for the love that I'd been given

(Chorus)

This is my journey, journey through life

With every twist and turn I've laughed and cried

As the road unwinds

This is my journey, and I've learned to fight

To make me strong enough, to lift me up, to bring my dreams alive

In my desperation I swore that never again

Would I hear all the laughter of my friends and my family

A million tears that I'd cried then began to dry

In the silence of the night time

I had come to realise

A sweep inspiration filled my horizon

Gave me the heart to go on and never would give in

(Chorus)

This is my journey, journey through life

With every twist and turn I've laughed and cried

As the road unwinds

This is my journey, and I've learned to fight

To make me strong enough, to lift me up, to bring my dreams alive

I'm going to love each moment, of every day and night

I'll look back to the past with the sweetest smile

For now I realise, I've been given the key to life

I've been kissed by the angel by my side

(Chorus)

This is my journey, journey through life

With every twist and turn I've laughed and cried

As the road unwinds

This is my journey, and I've learned to fight

To make me strong enough, to lift me up, to bring my dreams alive

To bring my dreams alive

To bring my dreams alive

## Track Listing

### CD, Single

1. "The Journey" (Radio Edit) - 4:45
2. "The Journey" (Extended Mix) - 5:30
3. "The Journey" (Album Version) - 4:46
4. "Don't Make Me Wait" (Live) - 4:23
Unnamed federal agents

The **unnamed federal agents** are two men who work for a federal agency (hence the title). They appeared in the Vomiting computer arc and later made a cameo appearance in the "evolution" strips.

## Appearance

Both of them are men, a *little* bit taller than Thaddeus Euphemism, quite slender, with short hair, and wearing sunglasses, black suits, white shirts, and black ties.

One of them is black and one is Caucasian with straight, combed-back, blond hair.

## Role

When they arrived, the Unnamed Jehovah's witnesses were disgruntled because all four of them wanted to talk to Thaddeus (the Jehovah's witnesses about the Bible and the agents about the virus Thaddeus created to punish the guy who hacked Bob which caused computers to vomit).

When the agents did get to talk to Thaddeus, the blond one noted that they couldn't arrest him because technically it wasn't a computer virus but a real virus distributed electronically. He then added that he couldn't charge Thaddeus with destruction of property since none of the computers infected were permanently damaged, but he did give Thaddeus an invoice for two billion dollars to pay for fifty million dry-cleaning bills (one per computer).

The agent was about to add some more information, but then a guy (who turned out to actually be three Squirrels in disguise) showed up and convinced the agents to let Thaddeus off the hook.
Living Food

A running gag in the strip is Thaddeus Euphemism and Bob creating **living food** via genetic engineering or nuclear power.

## List of instances

* In one strip, Thaddeus found stickers on food annoying, so he invented a talking (eyeless) apple that would simply say its price. However, it did not want to be eaten. The apple (revealed by John Sutton to identify as male and have a name Frank N. Apple) later appears being unamused by Thaddeus's apple pun.
* In one strip, Thaddeus is seen explaining to some giant, talking pickles that the group actually wanted mega*pixels*.
* One of the mega-pickles reappears with a giant corn cob when Thaddeus and a woman are discussing the safety of GMO food.
* In the very next strip, Bob is seen giving three of those giant corn cobs a bath in a hot tub.
* One series of strips appeared to involve Thaddeus, Bob, and another scientist named Edward Miller, being abducted by some living potatoes named the Tubernati. At the end, it was revealed to be a dream, although it also confirmed the existence of one living potato.
* In one strip, Thaddeus discusses GMO food again, accompanied by another mega-pickle, this one named Gary, and a mega-banana.
* Not a food, but a drink: in the Weight loss arc, some sentient coffee refuses to mix with skim milk.
Money-making arc

video File:Placeholder
This is a story arc about the people at Clones 'R' Us trying to make money after their government funding ends.

## Plot

The story arc begins with a worried Gordon Noble telling Thaddeus Euphemism that their govermnent funding will end at the end of that month. Thaddeus thinks this is a good thing since they've been too dependent on government funds anyway, but Gordon says that government funding is the lifeblood of the company. Thaddeus jokes that if it's the lifeblood, it's time for a transfusion and then proceeds that they should "throw off the shackles".

In the next strip, Gordon asks the workers for money-making suggestions. Bob has a lot of suggestions, but they're either disturbing (mandatory employee organ donation, injure ourselves in public places and sue for the insurance, scam old people) or ridiculous (beanie babies, buy all the lottery tickets, Vegas, write a get-rich-quick book, send our bank account numbers to a Nigerian prince).

In the next two strips, Thaddeus (on Gordon's suggestion) tries making money by advertising soda sitting by a giant soda can and drinking it. This makes him burp and he and Bob have a burping contest.

In the next strip, Thaddeus dresses Bob as a soup can to advertise soup, but he thinks he looks ridiculous.

In the strip after that, Gordon charges some of the local schools for field trips, hoping to make the kids curious about science. However, some of the kids have seen Thaddeus's videos on YouTube and knnow he's inept, and one of them makes a joke about racism being the word for the science of classifying living things.

The story arc then pauses for one strip, and after the pause, Gordon is worried about their money situation when a group of Squirrels arrive.

In the next strip, Gordon says that they need hundreds of thousands of dollars and can't be paid in acorns. One of the squirrels says that their new business model (a shifty insurance company) is making them a lot of money.

The next strip sees Gordon worried about whether or not they should trust the squirrels. Thaddeus, who is doing an experiment on a one-eyed creature, says not to worry because the squirrels aren't evil but rather "their moral compass doesn't always point 'true north'." Some squirrels look at an *actual*compass and note that it always points to "money" and then in the bonus panel, the one-eyed creature says that it doesn't trust the squirrels either.

In the following strip, Thaddeus and Gordon agree to partner up with the squirrels but they think they hear an evil laugh. It's just a cell phone ringing, but they're still nervous.

The final strip talks about the squirrels working with the humans and replacing the food with granola bars.

## Trivia

* The science of classifying living things is actually taxonomy.
* Thaddeus's YouTube videos from the Youtube arc are mentioned again.
* Gordon alludes to the Squirrel takeover arc.
Nicole

**Nicole Franklin** is an administrative assistant at Clones 'R' Us. She appeared briefly in the Stereotype arc, then in the Fridge monster arc she appeared to have been eaten by Kang, but in the Kang romance arc, it turns out that her body is being inhabited by Kang. It's unknown if and when they'll separate.

## Appearance

Nicole is a black woman with her hair in a bob. She is slightly skinnier than average and about the same height as Thaddeus Euphemism.

Her outfits vary, but she usually wears pants, a bright-coloured, long-sleeved blouse, and a hair band.

She and Kang are separate entities with distinct personalities, so they'll occasionally argue, most often about what temperature it should be.

She likes seafood and merlot, according to her character profile.
Biff and Art

**Biff** and **Art** are two plumbers who unclogged the toilet that Bob flushed a cell phone down in the Siri arc Art is based on Arthur, the father-in-law of John Sutton. They both reappeared in one of the "evolution" strips.

## Appearances

Both are men about the same height and build as Thaddeus Euphemism with pale skin. They both wear greyish-brown shirts, light brown pants, orange boots, and brown utility belts. They also both wear white name tags.

Art has glasses, straight, combed, grey hair, and a moustache.

Biff is bald and wears a yellow hardhat.

## Personalities

Both seem to be pretty playful as they use slang and play rock-paper-scissors.

Art seems to be a bit moody as he starts off hopeful that someday the publisher's clearing house will show up with a check for a million dollars, but when told that he isn't winning it, he gets angry and then sad to the point of tears.

Biff, however, seems more grounded.
Fridge monster arc

video File:PlaceholderThis is a story arc about a monster forming in the breakroom fridge.

## Plot

The story arc begins with a woman telling Thaddeus Euphemism to clean the breakroom fridge, followed by an old man. Thaddeus goes to clean it, when a voice from inside the fridge says, "Shut the door!".

In the next strip, Thaddeus finds a plate empty and sees something move in the fridge. He tells Bob, who informs him that the creature gave him a recipe the previous week.

In the third strip, some tentacles reach out of the refrigerator, grab the woman from before, and then the creature eats her and spits out her shoes.

Gordon Noble informs Thaddeus of the situation in the next strip and Bob gets Thaddeus into a Hazmat suit. They run to the fridge, where the monster introduces itself as "Kang, the Devourer" and claims to require "sustenance".

In the next strip, Thaddeus tells Kang that if it continues to eat sentient beings, they'll have to destroy it, so it asks for some leftover casserole belonging to a woman named Susan. However, Thaddeus says that Susan never shares.

In the final strip, Thaddeus tries to destroy Kang, but it runs away, taking the fridge with it.

## Trivia

* The woman who got eaten was the same woman who made a brief appearance in the Stereotype arc and she later returns (with her body inhabited by Kang) in the Kang romance arc.
Lapeche

**Dr. Lapeche** (first name unknown) is another scientist at Clones 'R' Us.

## Appearance

She appears to be Caucasian, with a pink blouse and a white lab coat. She can also puff up her face like a pufferfish due to augmenting herself with pufferfish DNA.

## Personality

Dr. Lapeche seems to have the same tendency for wild experiments as Thaddeus Euphemism and she also "likes to intimidate people".
Romance

video File:Placeholder**Romance**is a running gag on *The Petri Dish*because Thaddeus Euphemism, iBall, and to a lesser extent Bob, are unlucky in love.

## Appearances

At the end of the Exploding dog arc, the exploding dog tries to mate with the guard dog at the factory next door to the Clones 'R' Us building, but explodes.

In Irene's debut, some of Bob's "lower functions" begin to surface, including sexuality. When Andrew Wong found out that Bob was bored and lonely, Thaddeus tried to make him a girlfriend, Irene, but when they dated virtually, she dumped him and left.

The Squirrels' law arc reveals that Thaddeus is divorced and that his ex-wife had an aggressive lawyer.

In the GPS arc, Bob romanced a sentient GPS, then Siri.

In the Pink-eye arc, iBall is disappointed at not making it with the ladies, but Bob points out that he doesn't have very good odds of succeeding at dating them with one huge eye and Atticus following him around doing expressions for him.

In the Irene comes back arc, Bob and Irene start dating again. They have trouble at first, but eventually things smooth out.

In Gwog's return, it's revealed that Gwog is married to Wibbley.

In one strip, Thaddeus describes himself as a "chick magnet" but the kind of magnet that repels.

In the Kang romance arc, Thaddeus dated Nicole, who was symbiotically bonded with a monster named Kang.

In the Thaddeus seeks a girlfriend arc, Thaddeus went looking for a woman to date, eventually settling on Marcie.

Soon afterwards, Thaddeus and a bacterium exchanged flirtatious looks.
Real-life social media arc

This is a story arc about Bob trying to make a social media in the real world.

## Plot

It begins with Bob putting posters up on the wall. Thaddeus Euphemism asks what is going on and Bob replies that he's "posting things on his wall" and has given up normal social media to create a real-world version of Facebook called "FaceBob". When a woman gives one of the posters a "thumbs up", he claims that he's already getting "likes", but Thaddeus calls the whole thing ridiculous, so Bob says that he'll have to "unfriend" him.

In the next strip, Thaddeus is complaining about the wall space Bob's project is taking up. Bob complains to Larry, who sticks Thaddeus to the wall with duct tape and tapes his mouth shut.

In the next strip, Thaddeus apologises and Bob, who has a bird on his head, apologises. Thaddeus thinks the bird is an attempt at a real-life Twitter, but it isn't and Bob shoos it out the window.

In the next strip, the "FaceBob" project has become popular, but one man named Zuckerberg is putting ads on Bob's wall.
Flu

**Flu** is a running gag in *The Petri Dish,* especially because Thaddeus Euphemism is paranoid about catching it.

During the Flu arc, Thaddeus did get the flu, but he's never caught it since.

In one strip, when an intern sneezed, Thaddeus put on a Hazmat suit and cocked a gun because it was flu season and he hadn't been vaccinated.

In another strip, a lot of employees caught the flu, so Thaddeus, to prevent himself from catching it, wore a health mask, took off his shoes (not even the creator knew why), disallowed people to stand near him, and wrapped his torso up in bubble wrap, tying his arms to his body.

In another strip, a woman sneezed, but only because it was dusty. Thaddeus, however, thought she had the flu because it was flu season and sprayed her with a hose while wearing a hazmat suit.

In the Protective tank arc, Thaddeus put himself naked in a tank of water to protect himself from the flu and sprayed water on a man who did have the flu.
Andrew Wong

**Dr. Andrew Wong** is a colleague of Thaddeus Euphemism and a clinical psychologist. He has so far only appeared in Irene's debut and in one of the "evolution" strips.

## Appearance

Andrew is around Thaddeus's height with straight, black, combed hair and very pale (even paler than Thaddeus's) skin. He has a bit of stubble as well.

It is unknown if he changes outfits (like Thaddeus) or doesn't (like Naomi), but the only outfit we've seen him in involves a grey jacket with brown patches on the sleeves, a green sweater, blue jeans, and green sneakers.

## Personality

Dr. Wong seems to be a friendly man, since despite being a bit annoyed at Thaddeus not paying him to psychoanalyse Bob, he did it anyway.

He is researching virtual subconscious imaging and so he used technology to scan Bob's subconscious and determine that Bob was bored and lonely. Like Thaddeus, Dr. Wong sometimes uses large words.
Unnamed car salesman

The **unnamed car salesman** is a man who sold Thaddeus Euphemism a car in the Thaddeus's new car arc. So far, he's only appeared in that arc and in one of the "evolution" strips.

## Appearance

Like Gordon Noble, the car salesman is black, bald, and about the same height and build as Thaddeus. He wears a white shirt, red tie, plaid suit, and black shoes.

## Personality

The car salesman is talkative but appreciates "men of few words". He tends to interrupt but is otherwise quite sociable and he seems enthusiastic when it comes to his job.

## Role

When Thaddeus wandered into a car shop to use the bathroom, the salesman thought he was comparison shopping and sold him the new car.
Flibby

**Supreme Chancellor Flibby** is an alien of Gwog's species and a legal official.

## Physical description

### Eye color

Unknown

He looks like Gwog, but with a yellow moustache and wearing a green sweater.

He knows Gwog by name and knows enough about humans to identify Thaddeus Euphemism. While he does allow "authorised abductions" to take place, he believes probing somebody makes one a "jerk".

While he did hit Thaddeus with a rolling pin to wipe his memory and lie about what he was going to use, he did seem regretful about hitting Thaddeus.
Flu arc

video File:PlaceholderThis is a story arc about Thaddeus Euphemism getting the flu.

## Plot

It begins with Bob visiting Thaddeus, who did not come into the lab. Thaddeus is wrapped in a blanket, has bags on his eyes, and apparently has a fever, "the sniffles", and is "super nautious". He suspects it's the flu but asks Bob to do a web search just to make sure. Bob's search results all have to do with pregnancy, terminal illnesses, and technical problems.

In the next strip, Thaddeus is wondering how he caught it because he usually is very cautious/paranoid during flu season and has a strong immune system too. The last panel reveals a virus pretending to be a cell.

In the next strip, Thaddeus is laughing, joking about being a burrito wrapped in the blanket, saying that he can "feel the colour of it", and claiming that he "gets" the universe. Bob suspects he took too many lozenges.

In the strip after that, Thaddeus wants to remain under the blanket until he recovers but sneezes under it.

In the final strip, Thaddeus is being demanding to Bob.

## Trivia

* It is unknown who infected Thaddeus.
* While we never see Thaddeus go back to normal, he's back to normal in the next strip.
Betty

**Betty** is the mother of Thaddeus Euphemism.

Leslie (brother or brother-in-law)

Alfred (son)

## Appearance

Betty has fair skin and glasses just like Thaddeus, although she also has grey hair that she wears in a beehive. Her outfits vary, but she generally wears dresses with long sleeves.

## Personality

Betty is very talkative, sometimes interrupting people she's talking to, but she doesn't intend to be rude when she interrupts.

She also has a lot of trouble using computers and cell phones, even more so than Thaddeus, so she often either asks for his help or doesn't bother using them.

She can be a little rude to Thaddeus, saying things like, "I'll take you over my knee", chastising him for not phoning her, and telling him to go to his room despite them not living together. Despite this, she never actually physically harms him, and she is generally very affectionate to Thaddeus, calling him "Teddy" and kissing him on the cheek. She is also on good terms with Bob.

## Trivia

* She was the one who taught Thaddeus to use a spoon when he was a baby.
* While her marital status is unknown, it is [confirumed] that Thaddeus's father is dead. From this we can conclude that either Betty is widowed, Thaddeus is illegitimate, or Betty got divorced before Mr. Euphemism died.
Naomi

**Naomi** is a courier who features in several strips. A running gag is her having trouble delivering live animals to Thaddeus Euphemism.

## Physical description

### Height

Slightly less than 5'10*, taller than Bob.*

## Appearance

Naomi is a pale woman, slightly shorter and slenderer than Thaddeus.

She has long, straight, dark brown hair that she wears in a braid with a green tie.

She wears a black crop top and matching shorts and has skulls tattooed all over her arms and a pattern tattooed on her lower neck. She also appears to be wearing red lipstick.

## Personality

Not much is known about Naomi's personality, but she seems to know Thaddeus well enough so that he calls her by her first name. She also seems to be pretty determined and devoted to her job, judging by her line "I haven't had a package get away from me yet!".
Abducted!

**Abducted!** is the official name of the story arc involving Thaddeus Euphemism being abducted by Gwog.

## Plot

This story arc begins with a man talking to a woman about how the police had found Thaddeus sitting naked in a park 50 miles from his house, but he was not hypothermic and the weather was cold. Furthermore, there were no vehicle tracks in or out of the park. This makes the man come to the conclusion that Thaddeus was abducted by aliens.

In the next strip, Thaddeus is wrapped in a blanket and talking to the man. The man asks him to recap what happened and Thaddeus recalls meeting an alien in the park who preferred to be called an "extraterrestrial".

The following strip has Thaddeus explaining that the alien used a hypnotic television-type device that was "unlike anything [he'd] ever experienced and yet strangely familiar" to lure him into his ship.

The next strip continues the recap with the alien taking out a "probe-o-matic" in front of a naked, shackled Thaddeus who tries to use reverse psychology to get the alien to probe his nose, but it doesn't work.

In the next strip, two other aliens arrive to arrest the abductor, whose name is revealed to be Gwog, for illegally abducting Thaddeus, who asks one of them what the deal is with probing. The alien replies that, like humans, some members of their species are "just jerks".

In the next strip, the alien wipes Thaddeus's short-term memory by hitting him with a rolling pin.

In the final strip, Thaddeus recaps the story and the woman from the beginning also wipes his memory by hitting him with a rolling pin.

## Trivia

* This is the first story arc with an official name.
* This arc reveals that Thaddeus weighs 185 lbs, is 5'10, and is 37 years old.
* The show Gwog plays, *Dancing with the Stars,* is a real-world show.
Kang romance arc

The **Kang romance arc** is a story arc about Thaddeus Euphemism dating Nicole, whose body is being symbiotically shared with Kang (to find out more about Kang, see Artificial Creatures and the Fridge monster arc).

## Plot

The plot begins with Thaddeus flirting with Nicole by telling her that all objects have gravitational fields, so he's "attractive". She rejects him.

In the next strip, Thaddeus is disappointed that Nicole rejected him and Bob recognises her as the woman who was eaten by Kang. She brushes off the idea as ridiculous, but then Kang's voice, from somewhere inside her, demands food and complains about the heat.

The next strip has Thaddeus complaining to Bob about being rejected and considering thinking up new ways to "woo" her. He's too distracted to notice Kang's tentacles come out of Nicole's mouth and eat Thaddeus's lunch. Bob tries to persuade Thaddeus not to woo Nicole and thinks it's weird that he used the word "woo".

In the next strip, Thaddeus yells at Kang for inhabiting the body of his crush and tries to kill him, but Kang says he has the right to exist. Thaddeus then kisses Nicole despite her still being inhabited by Kang, which weirds Bob out.

In the following strip, Bob tries to convince Thaddeus that it makes no sense dating someone who's inhabited by a monster with tentacles but Thaddeus is still love-struck.

In the next strip, Nicole seems to have been completely taken over by Kang for when Thaddeus asks for a kiss, Kang is still in control and kisses him by rubbing its tentacles on his face, grossing out Bob.

In the next strip, Thaddeus and Kang talk over the phone, but all Thaddeus says is "I love you more" even when Kang didn't mention love, which bores Kang and it hangs up.

The following strip sees Thaddeus and Nicole at a fancy restaurant where Kang devours the wine, bottle and all, and spits out the cork.

In the next strip, Thaddeus realises that a lot of couples break up at that restaurant and Kang admits that it's breaking up with Thaddeus.

The final strip sees Thaddeus Googling the stages of a breakup, getting the stages of *continental* breakup, but still believing he's experiencing them.
Gwog

**Gwog** is an alien who abducted Thaddeus Euphemism twice.

### Relatives

Wibbley (wife)Unknown (pet, although the pet insists it's a "symbiotic relationship")

## Appearance

Gwog has green skin, four arms, and one eye that's on a stalk, but other than that, his appearance seems to vary.

Initially, he was about as tall as Bob and had a slug-like body, but later, he was about as tall as IBall and had short legs. At one point, he had a crop circle tattoo on his posterior. His outfits (when he's wearing any) vary.

## Personality

Gwog seems to be impolite, but not really evil. He abducted Thaddeus, stripped him, and wanted to probe him but never expressed any desire to actually harm him.

He also judged the nerds at Comic-Con for being unusual despite all humans being an alien species to him and kept Thaddeus awake one night.

This impolite behaviour seems to be an attribute specific to him rather than a species trait, as other members of his species have called him a "jerk" for it.

## Trivia

* His species don't have a nudity taboo, although many wear clothes anyway.
* He's referred to as an "intergalactic alien" by Thaddeus. If that's correct, he is not indigenous to the Milky Way.
Thaddeus's new car arc

This is a story arc about Thaddeus Euphemism buying a new car.

## Plot

It begins with Thaddeus entering a car yard simply to use the bathroom but a fast-talking car salesman sells him a car he doesn't really want.

In the next strip, Thaddeus tells Bob that he likes the car despite not actually having wanted it. He admires its features and then two Squirrels come out of the back of it.

In the next trip, Thaddeus says, "How about an outing?". Bob agrees and he and iBall get into the car. However, Thaddeus just goes to the drive-thru. Bob says that going to a drive-thru is not an outing since they never went outside, but Thaddeus says that he was talking to the *car.*

In the fourth and final strip, Thaddeus and Bob are out for a drive and try to use the Bluetooth device but it misinterprets "Call Ordell Plamondon" as "order plutonium".

## Trivia

* These strips reference Bluetooth, which is a real company.
Sensationalism arc

This is a short story arc about Thaddeus Euphemism using sensationalism in his report titles.

## Plot

The story begins with Thaddeus complaining about how no one reads his reports. Bob thinks the titles are too long and rewrites his title.

In the next strip, which is the last in the arc, Gordon Noble tells Thaddeus off for using sensationalism but Thaddeus lets Gordon know that it was Bob's idea.
Mysterious creature arc

video File:PlaceholderThis is a story arc about Thaddeus Euphemism creating a mysterious creature.

## Plot

It begins with Bob asking Thaddeus, who is busy, if genetic engineering is safe. Thaddeus tells him not to ask questions. Bob then sees a large, brown creature with spikes on its back and asks if he can scream and run but Thaddeus doesn't see the creature and tells him off for asking questions.

In the next strip, Thaddeus and another scientist have put the creature in a cave and the other scientist asks Thaddeus what he thinks he's going to name this new species. Thaddeus thinks of calling it a "whothehellknows" because it's unknown if it eats people. This makes them both laugh, but Thaddeus then warns the other scientist to keep his distance.

In the third and final strip, Gordon Noble is looking at a smaller version of the creature (who, according to Thaddeus, is male). Thaddeus warns him that the creature is dangerous but Gordon says that the creature lacks arms and teeth. However, the creature hits Gordon with an arm from his mouth and bites him with an extra mouth on his foot.
Larry

**Larry**is the technical support guy at Clones 'R' Us.

## Appearance

He is Caucasian, has an average build, and is slightly shorter than Thaddeus Euphemism.

He has long, curly, white hair that he ties at the end, and a long beard.

He wears a red, backwards cap, glasses, an orange T-shirt with red flowers and blue leaves on, and beige shorts.

## Personality

He is a competent technician and also seems to have a bit of a jokey side, as when Bob mistook him for Santa, he said that he wasn't Santa but could tell who'd been naughty and who'd been nice.
Zombie arc

This is a story arc about Thaddeus Euphemism accidentally creating a zombie.

## Plot

It begins with Thaddeus looking scared and revealing to Bob that he's accidentally created a zombie while experimenting with reanimating dead tissue. Thaddeus thinks he's trapped the zombie in the men's washroom but Bob thinks he can hear the zombie brushing his teeth.

In the next strip, Thaddeus and Bob plan to hit the zombie with a baseball bat, but by then, he's on the toilet, skeeving both of them out.

In the third strip, the zombie exits the bathroom with foam around his mouth. This scares Thaddeus and Bob, but the zombie explains that he only had the foam because he was brushing his teeth and there were no towels.

In the next strip, the zombie claims that he has no interest in eating brains and that zombies eating brains is a "tired media stereotype", but then he starts rubbing Bob's brain dome and saying, "Your pink, delicious, easily-accessible braaaiiins", so Thaddeus walks off to get a flamethrower.

In the strip after that, the zombie apologises for his behaviour towards Bob and claims that he has instincts that kick in when he sees Bob's "powerful brain". Thaddeus thinks that the zombie should be interested in *his* brain too, but he isn't.

In the next strip, Thaddeus introduces the zombie to Sylvain Lefrancais, the head of the data entry department. The zombie reveals that he used to be a politician and Sylvain snidely says that "it usually goes the other way".

The final strip has the zombie anticipating his new job and looking forward to challenging stereotypes about zombies, only to find that his coworkers are lethargic like stereotypical zombies.

## Trivia

* Thaddeus references a children's book called *Everyone Poops* by saying, "That children's book is right. Everybody poops."
* If Thaddeus's "everybody poops" line is strictly correct, that would mean that Bob, iBall, and Irene poop, however, it is unknown how iBall could do so as his only organic component is his eye.
* Bob references the flying monkeys from *The Wizard of Oz* that he's still scared of. This is a reference to the Bob's heart arc.
Name change arc

This is a story arc about the Squirrels wanting to change the name of Clones 'R' Us.

## Plot

It begins with one squirrel pointing to another and saying that he's a "branding expert" who suggests changing the company name to something 'young', 'fresh', and 'dynamic'. Gordon Noble asks what makes that squirrel a branding expert and the first squirrel replies that the second one eats a lot of packaged food out of the garbage.

In the next strip, the squirrel suggests an online contest.

However, by the third strip, the name that wins is "Test Tube McToob", which Gordon is adamant they will *not* name the company.
Artificial Creatures

video File:Placeholder
This is a list of creatures that were artificially created, not counting the Living Food and the three cyborgs Bob, iBall, and Irene, who have their own pages.

## List

* One story arc involved Thaddeus Euphemism accidentally creating a zombie while reanimating dead tissue.
* In another strip, Thaddeus and Bob are discussing "pet peeves", which inspires Thaddeus to create furry, three-eyed animals known as "peeves" meant to be kept as pets, but they go out of control and eat everything.
* During the course of a few strips, some radioactive isotopes left in the fridge created a person-eating monster named Kang, who could speak. Kang returns, symbiotically bonded with Nicole, and dates Thaddeus in the Kang romance arc.
* In one strip, Thaddeus released a green, tentacled creature from a box in the lab after Gordon Noble told him to "think outside the box".
* In one series of strips, Thaddeus creates a brown creature called a "Whothehellknows".
* Thaddeus also invented a purple creature named Nigel. Initially, Thaddeus was unsatisfied with Nigel's mutation rate, so he and Bob decided to pour radioactive goo on him, prompting Nigel to think, "The line between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits". Later, Nigel told Thaddeus that his lab wasn't safe, but Thaddeus only replied, "Shut up, Nigel!". Then later, Nigel ate an intern.
Facebook arc

This is a very short story arc about Thaddeus Euphemism feeling unnoticed on Facebook.

## Plot

It begins with Thaddeus declaring that nobody likes him because he has no friend requests on Facebook.

In the next strip, which concludes the arc, Bob tries to reassure him by saying that the people are probably too busy to go on Facebook and that Thaddeus has many friends, but Thaddeus is still a bit sulky.
Protective tank arc

This is a story arc about Thaddeus Euphemism being in a tank of water to prevent himself from catching the flu.

## Plot

The arc begins with Bob saying that Thaddeus is being too extreme in his flu-related paranoia, even for him. Thaddeus replies that you can't be too careful at this time of year and Bob replies that it seems so isolated. Thaddeus replies that isolation is the point as he's not catching any germs. Bob asks how Thaddeus will get any work done and he replies that nothing happens in the lab at this time of year. Bob asks Thaddeus, who is revealed to be standing naked in a tank of water, to put swim shorts on but he says no because he's not leaving until April. The bonus panel has him saying, "Uh-oh... I have to pee."

In the next strip, Gordon Noble thanks a guy named Director Martin for a funding grant and Director Martin wants to look in Lab 12, but Gordon tries to convince him there is nothing in there. Thaddeus then exits, still in his tank, attached to a Segway, so Director Martin cancels the grant.

In the final strip, Thaddeus sprays water from his tank onto a flu-ridden man in a green hoodie. He then attaches a fake flower to his tank and tries to prank another scientist with it.
Bob

**Bob**, short for **Brains On Board**, is a cyborg and Thaddeus Euphemism's sidekick.

## Biographical information

### Place of birth

Clones 'R' Us Lab (where he became a cyborg)

## Appearance and anatomy

Bob has a large, square, silver, metallic head and a slightly smaller main body. His legs, arms, and neck are also silver and metallic, and they can stretch to great lengths. They appear to be divided into sections. He has long, black fingers and large, rounded, toeless feet.

On top of his head is a round glass dome, in which his brain is visible.

Besides his brain, he has some form of digestive system as he can eat and it's implied that he can fart, too, with his character profile stating that he can also poop. He also has some form of urinary system as one strip reveals he can pee, however, it is unknown how said urinary system works because he explicitly does *not* have a heart, meaning he probably lacks blood. He is also able to survive being speared through his torso.

When he became a cyborg, some of his "lower functions", including, but not limited to, sexuality and profanity, were removed, however, they occasionally surface when he's bored.

While Bob usually eats and drinks in the normal way, he was once seen drinking coffee by directly pouring it onto his brain. He needs some sleep, as evidenced by that same strip having Thaddeus ask if he's had a "rough night", but not very much, as revealed in the Conference arc.

It is also revealed  that he needs oxygen to support his brain.

## Personality

Bob has a wry sense of humour and takes it on himself to make "witty retorts" to Thaddeus whenever he can.

Despite occasionally criticising Thaddeus for the latter's wacky behaviour, Bob is not above acting wacky himself on occasion. For example, when asked to clean the toilet once, he picked up the plunger and said, "Exterminate!".

Bob is generally more cautious than Thaddeus, although occasionally he will jump into a risky adventure as well. He is sometimes a bit timid, too, as evidenced by him being too scared of the flying monkeys in *The Wizard of Oz* to watch the entire movie.

He greatly enjoys coffee, which he is extremely finicky about, causing baristas to find him annoying. He also seems to be affected by caffeine, but again, it is unknown how this works due to him not having blood.

## Trivia

* His brain is his only organic component, and it's unknown where it came from, though it's rumoured to have belonged to a dead friend of Thaddeus's.
* He has a "food processor" instead of a stomach.
* His lungs are made of iron.

1. ↑ http://www.the-petri-dish.com/strips/629.php
Shocking

**Shocking** is the official name given to a very short story arc about static electricity.

## Plot

The first strip has Thaddeus Euphemism rubbing his feet on the carpet to produce a static charge and giggling. He then zaps Bob, deactivating him, and walks off whistling.

In the second and last strip, Thaddeus is carrying beakers of fluid and Bob jumps up and startles him as payback. The fluid from the beakers spills and burns into accounting.
Balamere

Balamere is a nation of Men, its capital is Lotharleach.

## Notable Citizens

- King Saegar Wenman

## History

year 66 - Magnate Muriel Feversham of Balamere founds an overseas colony, Fawrhead.

year 76 - Alfwin Wood learns at an early age that monsters do indeed live beneath his bed.

year 116 - Alfwin solves the riddle of a sphinx with a blind guess.

year 149 - Alfwin Wood dies a heroic death and is immortalized in song and prose, Alfwin Wood of Balamere

year 204 - Beatrix Obson is visited by a deity and given a holy quest.

year 237 - Trommby is founded in an effort by Balamere to expand its sphere of influence.

year 290 - Queen Margaret Bammard claims the gods have bequeathed the divine right of rulership to her family and her family alone, and establishes a monarchy.

year 405 - Valter Ebner accidentally creates a religious schism.

year 462 - King Rhys Fane of Balamere conquers and annexes Lüttenung.

year 535 - Ambroos Becker defeats a necromancer, saving thousands of people from being turned into undead monsters.

year 544 - The King's Chronicles are commissioned by the Court. The work is an epic that directly connects the lineage of the King to the gods.

year 572 - Vangionesie is conquered by Balamere.

year 725 - Horrific slaughter at the Battle of Dim Magics in Hohens leaves much of the territory blackened and dead. Balamere claims control over what little is left.

year 789 - Ketilbjörg's rise to power begins with a scathing political treatise that leads to the resignation of the entire Court.

year 796 - Ketilbjörg von Hoffman has statues raised in her honor for her great deeds.

year 802 - Ketilbjörg von Hoffman dies having never lost a coin toss.

year 803 - Long-simmering tensions over the corruption of the Balamere Court by the thieves' guilds erupt in civil war, ending with the independence of Chartland.

year 901 - Margery builds the Arch of Algeard, commemorating one of Balamere's greatest victories.

year 992 - Claiming that it is the will of the gods, King Osgar Odson of Balamere invades Eadanei and seizes control.

year 1020 - Virgien mistakenly slays her brother, thinking her to be an intruder.

​​​​​
"Not even gay" guy

This is an unnamed man who was confused in the Bacon-flavoured cologne arc by loving the smell of Thaddeus's cologne despite not being gay. He later reappeared in an "evolution" strip.

## Appearance

He is Caucasian, skinny, and about Thaddeus's height. He has a blond crew cut and wears a yellow T-shirt, brown shoes, blue jeans, a brown belt, and a grey patterned vest.
Thaddeus pretends to be black arc

video File:PlaceholderThis is a story arc about Thaddeus Euphemism pretending to be black to celebrate Black History Month.

## Plot

It begins with Gordon Noble wanting to speak to Thaddeus, who claims he is doing an experiment to help him empathise with black people on Black History Month. He emerges with dark skin, an afro, and speaking like a stereotypical black person.

The next strip reveals that Thaddeus painted Bob brown as well and gave *him*an afro. Gordon says that it is undignified but Thaddeus claims that he and Bob were just trying to get his perspective about "the black struggle". Gordon shouts that the only "black struggle" was Thaddeus and Bob's accidental racial insensitivity but Thaddeus and Bob continue to speak like stereotypical black people.

In the next strip, Bob has gone back to normal and Thaddeus has been told off by Gordon, who wants to approve all experiments before Thaddeus does them. Bob says that he was expecting Gordon to have discussed "colour" and Thaddeus misses the point and says that there *was*colour involved because Gordon was so frustrated that he turned red and purple in the face.

In the next strip, Thaddeus tries to turn his skin back to normal and manages to make himself bald again but his skin has green and grey patterns on it.

## Trivia

* We never see Thaddeus's skin go back to normal, but in the next strip, it is.
George's arc

video File:PlaceholderThe very first story arc for *The Petri Dish*was about a man named George who wanted to be cloned. Its first strip was the first in the entire webcomic.

## Plot

Its first strip opens on Thaddeus Euphemism answering the phone at Clones 'R' Us.

A man named George answers and says that he would like to be cloned. Thaddeus asks George to tell him about himself and George is lost for words.

In the next strip, Thaddeus points out that cloning is controversial and illegal in most places and asks George why he wants to be cloned. George reveals that he wants to be cloned so that he'll have "spare parts" in case he gets sick. Thaddeus then asks George what he does for a living and George reveals that he's a lawyer for an international bank. Thaddeus says that there is already "too many of those" and recommends euthenasia, but George points out that euthenasia is also illegal.

The third and final strip has Thaddeus suggesting he make George into a cyborg like Bob, but Bob himself is snide about the idea of an immortal lawyer and both of them snicker, to George's frustration.

## Trivia

* George mentions a movie called *The Island*, which is an actual movie in real life.
Youtube arc

video File:PlaceholderThis is a story arc about Gordon Noble instructing Thaddeus Euphemism to try to "go viral" on YouTube in order to raise money.

## Plot

The storyline begins with Gordon giving Thaddeus a new project: post some "sciencey" videos on YouTube. He then notes that it could go viral, which Thaddeus takes literally and tries to innoculate himself.

In the next strip, Bob buys supplies and talks about their prices, then jokes that getting to film Dr. Euphemism in the lab is "priceless" because he is reluctant.

In the next strip, Thaddeus talks about his lab equipment but is camera-shy.

In the following strip, Thaddeus and Bob have made their video. Thaddeus jumps the gun and asks how many thousands of views it's got. However, it's only got seven views and that was because Bob watched it four times, Thaddeus twice, and a bored squirrel once.

In the next strip, Thaddeus talks about how it's not a good idea to use too much radiation when you're creating Artificial Creatures or it could have unexpected results. He demonstrates this by injecting a small creature with something to make it grow huge and ends up in the hospital with a full-body cast.

In the strip after that, Thaddeus has recovered and the video with the creature has finally gone viral, but it's on "fail blogs", which makes Thaddeus indignant.

The next strip has Thaddeus reading negative comments on his videos and trying to balance them out with positive comments but somehow the computer sends out literal flames.

In the last strip, Thaddeus tries to explain why he did it but gets more flames and Bob claims that there's a picture of Thaddeus in the dictionary under "noob".
Stereotype arc

video File:PlaceholderThis is a story arc about Gordon Noble trying to teach Thaddeus Euphemism to stop stereotyping black people.

## Plot

In the first strip, Gordon is telling Thaddeus that he appreciates the latter's enthusiasm for Black History Month, but he comes off as racially insensitive, case in point the fact that he's wearing a striped hat stereotypically associated with Jamaican people, wearing a wig with dreadlocks, and saying, "irie" and "mon".

In the second strip, Thaddeus has requested Gordon teach him how not to be racist, so he uses positive reinforcement for good behaviour and negative reinforcement (namely tasering) for bad behaviour.

In the third and final strip, Gordon advises Thaddeus to speak to them (black people) like you would any other human being, but abbreviates it to the difficult acronym STTLYWAOHB.
Kelvin Schlub

**Dr. Kelvin Schlub** is one of Thaddeus Euphemism's coworkers.

## Appearance

He is a tall, thin, white man with short, straight black hair, and glasses. Like Thaddeus, he usually wears a lab coat.

## Personality

He is a nerd like Thaddeus, making jokes about biology, playing dungeons and dragons, and watching *Star Trek*. Also, much like Thaddeus, he is unlucky in love and bad at sports.

## Trivia

* According to his character profile, he is Jewish.
Siri arc

This is a story arc about Bob not liking Thaddeus Euphemism's Siri and so flushing his phone down the toilet.

## Plot

It begins with Thaddeus showing Bob his new iPhone with a Siri app that he describes as being like a "personal digital assistant". Bob is sad because he thinks Siri stole his job.

In the next strip, Bob and iBall flush Thaddeus's iPhone down the toilet while Thaddeus is eating.

In the following strip, two plumbers named Art and Biff try to get the phone out with a human-sized wrench.

The strip after that has Thaddeus empathising with the plumbers for their bad job. Art says that the job is only temporary because any moment, the Publisher's Clearing House will show up with a cheque for ten million dollars. Biff tells him that he's been playing for thirty years and that Ed McMahon is dead, which makes Art angry.

The final strip has Thaddeus using Bob as a phone and telling someone else about the incident.

## Trivia

* Betty is mentioned when Thaddeus asks Siri to remind him to call her on Sunday.
* The graffiti on the bathroom walls reads "semper ubi sub ubi" which is Latin for "always where under where". There is also some graffiti that reads "Yo mama" which is a reference to 'Your mom' jokes.
* Art the plumber is based on John Sutton's father-in-law Arthur.
Fitness tracker arc

The fitness tracker arc (not to be confused with the Weight loss arc, which also had to do with Thaddeus Euphemism and health), is a short story arc about Thaddeus using a fitness tracker.

## Plot

Thaddeus is sitting on the couch and Bob notices that he's wearing a fitness tracker. Thaddeus says that his mother sent it to him because she thinks he needs more exercise. Bob asks how many steps Thaddeus has taken and Thaddeus says that he's only taken eleven, and some of them might have been due to sneezing very hard.

In the next strip, Thaddeus is talking to a man but doesn't find the conversation very interesting and his fitness tracker claims that his heart is at 26BPM. Later, the man Thaddeus was talking to bores a woman so badly, she passes out.

In the final strip, Thaddeus gets an app on his phone that gives you "badges" based on the amount of physical activity, but he gets a badge comparing him to a zombie because he's been so inactive.

## Trivia

* This is the second time lethargic people have been compared to zombies. The first was in the Zombie arc about the zombie's coworkers.