A Very Merry F***ing Christmas

**A Very Merry Fucking Christmas** is the seventh episode of Season 5 of *F is for Family*.

## Plot

Frank stays up all night listening to his father’s cassette tapes and doesn’t find much meaning behind this. After falling asleep while listening to the tapes, he catches the end of his mother’s message on the answering machine that she and Eileen will be coming for the Christmas party via Ala-Hican. Kevin then informs Frank that Ed called saying that he needs everyone to come to work at 10am sharp (which is in 5 minutes). Frank begrudgingly gets ready for work and takes the tapes with him to play in the car on his way to work. While listening to one of the tapes, his father reveals that after losing his store and suffering a major setback, he began work selling typewriter ribbon which gave his life purpose and a reason to live.

After arriving at work, Ed holds a staff meeting to explain that profits went down since the merger and shows the new commercial for Ala-Hican (depicting a midair collision between two planes) which had a negative impact on sales. He then tells the staff that due to this, it was a mistake to give Stanley Kubrick creative carte blanche and there will be no Christmas bonus this year much to the chagrin of the staff. Ed talks to the board of directors of this matter and informs the staff that whoever can come up with an idea to boost profits and repair the company’s image, will get a full Christmas bonus and a promotion, further upsetting the staff. Back at home, Frank begins to brainstorm ideas to save the airline and get a Christmas bonus. Inspired by a sportscast featuring daredevil Buster Thunder Jr., Frank comes up with an idea to have him jump a Boeing 747 on live TV on Christmas Eve.

Sue leaves Kevin (who has a hundred yard restraining order from Alice and anyone Jewish) in charge of Megan while she takes Bill and Maureen shopping. While out in town, she goes to Louis’ karate dojo and apologizes to him for lying. He reluctantly and quickly forgives her (as his next class starts in 5 minutes and she has to leave) and apologizes for calling Frank a balding piece of shit. Sue then invites him to the family Christmas party, to which he accepts. Vic (dressed in his karate gi) is surprised to see Sue there, tells Louis of her teaching him and his friends about parenting. He suggests that she start a business. Louis offers her to teach her classes on Monday and Wednesday afternoons to which she accepts. While Sue makes amends with Louis, Bill directs traffic for Officer O’Rourke while he takes a bathroom break. Maureen then crosses the street to a nativity scene and places the glass eye in the empty eye socket of baby Jesus.

Meanwhile, Kevin begins to bond with Megan and takes her for a walk around the neighbourhood and plays his music for her. He arrives home just in time for Sue, Maureen and Bill to arrive home with their spirits lifted and begin to prepare for Christmas. The next day, Kevin helps Sue with her first baby class and plays an age appropriate song on his guitar for the babies. Alice sees this while walking by and is touched by this.

Bob Pogo joins forces with Rosie to help him save his neighbourhood and bring down Gagliardi and Mayor Tangenti. After witnessing a wrecking ball beginning to demolish Kasper’s Lounge, Rosie becomes disheartened and leaves to take Nina to the mall to meet Santa. He is later pulled over that evening by Officers Glanney and O’Rourke who are returning with Bill from the prison. They mistreat Rosie and give him a citation from Mayor Tangenti for no reason. Frustrated, he assures Nina that everything is okay and drives home. He later meets with Bob under the bridge, expressing his disgust in the mayor. Bob tells of his plan to expose Tangenti and Gagliardi on live TV at the airport the next day with Jim Jeffords’ help.

At the Christmas party, the neighbours and the Murphys are having a great time and start singing Christmas carols. After Goomer tries to make amends with Evelyn following their argument on Thanksgiving, he manages to impress her with his singing voice and the two reconcile, revealing that they have different names much to the confusion of the party guests. Ginny, disheartened after hitting on Louis and Otto to no avail, gets drunk and meets Eileen who is smitten by her. The two women then retreat to Frank’s car to make out and begin a relationship. As Frank prepares to leave to meet Buster Thunder Jr. at the airport, his mother berates him and compares him to his father. Frank defends his father despite the abuse he endured. He explains that Big Bill spent his last minutes on Earth trying to set things right between them and that a man’s work gives him purpose.

Bill helps out Glanney and O’Rourke with the Boys N’Blue Program at the local prison to scare some young delinquents straight with Nguyen-Nguyen acting tough towards them and making a kid wet his pants. On the way home, he witnesses the two officers pull over and mistreat Rosie for no reason. Seeing how scared Nina is, he realizes how corrupt the police force is. He throws out his junior police hat after returning home. He then goes to the fridge, drinks a beer and complains of his life (an allusion to his father)..

## Quotes

**Louis**: *(after chopping a plank of wood with his hand, bows to students)* Arigatou gozaimashita.

**Karate students**; Arigatou gozaimashita.

*(Gong rings)*

**Louis**: *(in mid bow, turns head to window and sees Sue)* Oh, fuck.

**Karate students**: Oh, fuck.