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2. FIRE A CANNON. Must be a historical cannon or an accurate reconstruction (made before the Hunt). Please don’t destroy anything that doesn’t have it coming. [40 points ]

3. Our fault, dear Brutus, was not in our hearts but in our Starz➤. . . thank goodness we switched to HBO➤! Rewrite and perform a scene from Shakespeare with the amount of product placement a contemporary audience is used to. [5 iambic points ]

7. Protest the sordid associations of your class reading in the manner most dramatically demonstrated by Benjamin Lay. [7 points ]

11. Only one aria of J.G. Wentworth’s classic opera has ever been performed, and frankly it leaves us wondering. How did the structured settlement come to be? What are the tragic consequences of cash now? Write and perform another scene from the great cycle. [9 points ]

15. The prostitute with the heart of gold trope is, in our opinion, a little played out. Produce a trailer for a movie where a Richard Gere-type, or equally dashing leading lady, instead encounters the judicious Hooker. (See Locke, Second Treatise ➜5, 15, 61) [6 points ]

61. Publicly, Dean Boyer’s preferred mode of exercise may be bicycling, but deep down we think he may have another passion. Convince him or another dean to lead members of your team on a Prancercise tour of the Quads. [9 points  for an assistant dean. 11 for a full dean. 14 for the man himself]

90. Turn that gyre right ’round and teach us how to Bethlehem Slouch. It’s the dance craze based on Yeats’s “The Second Coming” that’s keeping everyone dancing till the world ends. [5 points ]

93. Smuggle your Wookie into Rockefeller to deliver a Chewbaccalaureate address at the lectern. [3 points ]

102. Give your class some Bohemian flair. Accompany your professor with a walking bass. [8 points ]

107. Batman can Bat Climb, but so can your clambering Criminal Captains! [1 point . Up to nana-nananana-nana-nineteen bonus points for meeting a celebrity on their way up]

112. I’ve had the Scav of my life, and I owe it all to you. In particular, your ability to perform the Dirty Dancing lift. [3 points . 5 points if you put Baby in a corner and lift the Judge instead]

165. You sure have been lonely since you graduated from St. PigeoNation’s Institute; no longer are your nights filled with the frantic flapping of wings and soft cooings. Thankfully, you were selected as a contestant on Hatoful Bachelor, the hot new blind dating show that sets you up with pigeons off the street! [8 points ]

242. Taste the pizza mime. His face is a pizza. His hands are slices of pizza. Motioning silently. Serving itself. Taste the pizza mime. [2π points ]

243. Do the sweetest jump with an RC car. I’ll have you know that sweet jumps involve at least two rings of danger, another very suspenseful hazard, and a perfect landing. [14 points ]

250. Throw roses at the actors during curtain call of a campus play. Duct-taped to the roses should be chocolate and a tinfoil Tony➤. [3 points ]

257. This may be the last moment in time that we, as a nation, know Star Wars: Episode VII will exist, yet we are still blissfully unaware of any actual plot details. Search your feelings, you know it to be true! With that in mind, beat Abrams to the cutting-room floor and fulfill your destiny: with your teammates as actors, assemble at least five minutes of footage from Star Wars: Episode VII. [Episode VII points ]

266. Loose FlexDollars. A five-minute documentary utilizing low-quality footage, deliberately quote-mined interviews, blatantly forged evidence, and a soundtrack by DJ Skooly that ‘proves’ the destruction of Pierce Tower was, in fact, an inside job. [7 points ]