Welcome BACK To City British Wrestling

Spoiler warning!*This page contains significant spoilers for large events in the CBW series. If you haven't watched the series yet, turn back now.*

## Welcome BACK To City British Wrestling

### Cast

Tom Burgess • Laurie Blake • Rosie Nicholls • Oli Davis • Luke Owen • Lolo Brow • Adam Blampied • Sullivan Beau Brown

### Roster

The Denimatrix • Golden Joe • Mable Syrup • Tony the Cowboy • Albert Hall • Kid Flippz • Silver Bro • The Fisherwoman • Jurgen Flopp

### Other people

QC • Mave Deltzer • Platinum Pete • Titanium Tina

### Series

City British Wrestling series 2

**Welcome BACK To City British Wrestling** is the first episode of the second series of City British Wrestling.

## Official synopsis

*It's been two long years since the CBW roster convened to DO A FIGHT, but now they're back and things are going to get very silly... and serious... and sad...*

## Plot

This episode was set in Bristol, for Friday Night Lightning.

### The Denimatrix vs Golden Joe

QC made his way down the ramp, stepped over the ropes and addressed the audience about the two year gap since City British Wrestling was on screens. He said a Night of Champions would be the best way to celebrate its return, and introduced the current City British Champion, The Denimatrix.

Denim arrived to large amounts of dry ice and a slow gradient of lasers. She rode a humanoid sewing machine that was on all fours in full gimp regalia into the arena. She still wore her same denim suit that had not been washed in the two-year gap, and blood continued to drip from the holes in her head. She said to the City British public that she was "just as denimtimidating as ever!" QC told her that she would defend her championship in front of a championship contender, and she called him an "ass", and told him to "zip it."

Golden Joe entered the ring to even more dry ice and lasers. On the Wrestletron, clips of what he had been doing over the last two years were displayed. He had moved to Hollywood, trained to become bigger, and had a hair transplant. The crowd mostly chanted for him. As he and Denim shook hands, he whispered "that's what a real champion sounds like." He promoted his sponsor, Dick Power Chewies ("Reclaim Your Manhood!"), dropped the mic, and flexed.

As the match began, she tried to stare at him to make him feel uncomfortable, but this backfired and the audience began to believe she wasn't so scary anymore. He hit her with a Joekick to knocked her to the mat, then performed a successful Tommaso Ciampa knee strike and RKJoe. She tried to subtly stoke up his ego to smear head-wound blood in his eyes, but he saw what she was trying to do and attempted to put her in a Full Golden. However, her blood lubricated her out of it and she punched him in the face. She tried to pierce his cheeks with her stilettos through a stomp, but he had rock solid cheek muscles. He grabbed her leg and hit her with a Joe Blow. She gave him a right hook, performed Joe's Golden Shower move (which she called the Thread Count), then pinned him to win the match and retain the championship title.

She offered Joe some little denim band aids, which he rejected. QC's paralegals eased him out of the ring. QC appeared on the Wrestletron at a podium, and congratulated Denim.

### Introducing Mable Syrup

QC said Denim was no longer the only singles champion on the roster. He spoke to the press, and told them about City British Wrestling's acquisition and subsequent dissolution of the Toronto based Canadian Battle Wrestling promotion. He said that management decided to keep current Canadian Battle Champion Mable Syrup on the books, as she entered the arena. A member of the press asked her how it felt to leave her home, and she said it felt like a home from home. Another journalist asked her what she thought she would bring to City British Wrestling. She replied that she would bring the legqal wrestling of the Canadian promotion over. Another asked what it was like not being the only top dog in town. She said Sargeant Beaver Bark was her only top dog, and whistled for him to come in. Another journalist asked her how she felt about leaving behind her long-standing rivalry with Quotidian Pain. She said she was happy the feud was in the past. Mave Deltzer asked if she had any final words for the public. Mable emphasised what a good, legal, happy time she'd have. The press took photos.

Above the ring, Jurgen Flopp loosened a nut on the lighting rig with his spanner.

### Tony the Cowboy vs Albert Hall

In the mid-60s, Tony the Cowboy appeared in the rafters of the arena atop brilliant black stallion Handsome Horse Helmsley (Triple H). The horse ran through the crowd, knocking people out of the way, and leapt into the ring. He got off and let the horse out, then spoke to the public about what it meant to be a rebel. Albert Hall entered behind two string quartets playing the British national anthem and marched up the steps.

At the beginning of the fight, Tony told an "interrupting cowboy" knock knock joke and tried to kick Albert in the gut, but the Brit no-sold the move, just standing there. After a second knock-knock joke, Tony flipped over and connected with him in a Canadian destroyer, dazing him. Tony applied the Rootin' Tootin' Sharp Shooter and toppled him over. He lassoed Albert's legs and intended to throw the end of the lasso to Triple H, but he loosened his grip and Albert broke the rope apart with his legs and got up once more. Albert applied his Orchestra Pit move, smothering Tony in his armpit, but Tony maneuvered himself free. He tried to shove Albert into the corner, but he didn't move a muscle and headbutted Tony to the floor. Tony whistled for his Cowordinated Effort move, and Triple H led three cows to the ring to form a stack so Tony could perform a Lonestar Shooting Press finisher and pin Albert Hall to win. Tony rode out of the ring on Triple H into a fake sunset.

### Tony in the gym

In a run-down gym in the 90s, Tony watched a VCR tape named "Wrestling Giants" of Tony's fight with Albert Hall. Posters on the walls showed Tony's fights against Geezer and The Tall Father, as well as of The Delivery Boys tag team with Fred the Postman. Kid Flippz found him, and was angered that Tony couldn't stop watching himself wrestle. He told Tony to come to one of his matches, as he hadn't seen his face in the crowd at his warm-up matches for two years. Tony said he missed it so much that his bones ached watching wrestling, and said it would take him time. Tony said that Kid hadn't been doing as many flips and cartwheels, and that he hadn't been saying "cowabunga." Kid said that catchprhrases were like wrestlers, because they get old. He left to warm up for another match. A poster with the date of the Colossal Tussle was circled and labeled with the letters "EXP."

### Mable Syrup vs Silver Bro

Mable syrup entered the ring to snow and maple dropping from the ceiling. She trotted down on Stable Stirrup and Sargeant Beaver Bark. She kissed a child who immediately fell asleep, and tossed sugar cubes to the crowd. Silver Bro walked out to the ring, accompanied by a picture of him looking lovingly at his brother on the Wrestletron. However, the picture was replaced by him holding Titanium Tina. She was too young to come to the match as of yet. He said he hadn't seen Joe in two years since he beat up Platinum Pete. Despite this, he got the crowd to chant for Joe and then dedicated the match to Tina.

The two wrestlers shook hands, but Mable tried to slap Bro around the face with her glove, missed, and apologised. Bro shoulder blocked her thrice. Mable used her Loonies, Toonies and Boonies move, but Bro was too tall for the Boonies so she did the Eugene Levy on him to throw him across the ring. As he bounced off the ropes, she tried to clothesline him but couldn't get high enough. Bro grabbed her by the wrist and whipped her into the corner for a Silver Splash, but she scooched across the ring like a penguin to get away so he landed on the turnbuckle instead. She tried to throw him out of the ring by the scruff of the neck and his belt, but only succeded in a wedgie. He walloped her in the face with his big boot and tried a Silver Splash again but she got out of it the same way, causing the audience to experience deja vu. Mable whistled for Stable but the horse had found the bag of sugar lumps from her entrance. Thinking about his child, Bro performed the Silver Spooner and launched her so she landed flat on her back, then tried to pin her. She escaped on the two count. She performed the Double Double and went for the winning peg. She thus retained the Canadian Battle Champion title and rode out on a sugared up Stable Stirrup.

At the top of the ramp, Bro locked eyes with Joe.

### Bro and Joe's dressing rooms

In Golden Joe's dressing room, he was watching his first movie *The Dog Walker* on VHS, in which he was an undercover spy for America who walked dogs for criminals to work his way in. In the movie, he had to reconnect with his neice as his brother had gone to fight overseas. The tagline was "Bark!"

Nextdoor, Platinum Pete were looking at a photo of Bro and Joe. Bro said he thought they were doing everything for Joe.

Joe watched another movie, *Dog Walker 3* (someone else was cast in the second film), which was set in Europe. In the plot, Joe's character reconnected with his neice after the brother died, and they became a crime-fighting dog-walking duo. The tagline was "Bark bark bark!"

Pete and Bro looked at a photo of a younger Platinum Pete in platinum trunks, holding the City British Championship belt above his head. Bro said that that was everything Bro was never going to be, but Pete said he was always the one destined for the championship in the family.

Another of Joe's movies, *Dog Walkers in Space*, played. It was animated with bad CGI and the dogs had bubble astronaut helmets. Joe's character hovered outside of a space station as his neice fought space gangster aliens on the other side. The tagline was "In space is bark!" The franchise was mostly a tax break for Joe.

In Bro's room, the father and son looked at a photo of Bro holding Tina. Bro said he would win the championship for Tina, and Pete said it would be for the family.

Joe was alone in his dressing room, signing a stack of 8x10s from when he was Terry Essex in America that no one ever bought. He was a failed heel.

### Kid Flippz vs The Fisherwoman

Kid walked into the ring from backstage, looking for Tony. He slowly rolled down to the ring on his skateboard, spelling out "sad boy" with a trail of flammable liquid behind him, and setting it alight. He had nothing to say to the crowd. The Fisherwoman entered on a fishing boat over a sea of water around the ring. She stepped out from the cabin with a fishing rod and net of dead fish. She ate the head of one of the fish, then leapt into the ring.

On the bell, Kid turned his back, then springboarded off the rope to hit her with an extremely successful Twin Peaks drop kick. He looked around the ring to see if Tony was there, but he was not. He attempted a Smells Like Teen Spirit Bomb, but was crushed by her. She used her Catch of the Day move, planting Kid into the water surrounding the ring using his jaw. He heard Tony's voice say "don't try to be me, lad. You do you." He thus tried to launch out of the water and perform a Gruyère DDT, looking for his father in midair, but did not yet see him. He put her in a Freaks and Tweaks sharp shooter, and looked for his absent father once again. He did a DDBrie into her nose and got onto the turnbuckle for a Heart Shaped Flops finisher, formerly the Clarissa Explains It All Moonsault.

He saw Tony in the audience as they chanted "Kid! Kid! Do a flip!" As he leapt into the air, there was a clank from above him and he looked like a legend. Tony's hear burst with pride. Unbeknownst to Kid, the lantern Flopp had loosened earlier fell and crunched into his skull. Tony ran into the ring, and Kid asked if he won; Tony said "you're always winning to me, boy." Kid said his last word, "cowa-", and fell still. Medics stormed the stage. Bitch Doctor told him she was sorry.

When Tony was on his own in the ring, Jurgen Flopp appeared at the top of the ramp. He said that Tony "should never cry over spilt milk."