Trollz

*Todd fumbles through "Trollz" on the piano.*

***NICKI MINAJ & 6IX9INE - TROLLZ***

***A pop song review***

**Todd:** I-I didn't bother to learn how to play this one. *[sighs]* Alright, we have to talk about 6ix9ine.

> *Clip of 6ix9ine - "STOOPID"*
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> **6ix9ine:** Bitch I'm silly
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> Up the chopper, shoot your shit up
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**Todd (VO):** Actually, no, we don't *have* to talk about him at all. In fact, some people will tell you that we *shouldn't* talk about him in the hopes that if we ignore him, he'll go away.

**Todd:** Yeah.

> *Clip of Billboard News video on 6ix9ine getting to #1*
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> **Host:** 6ix9ine and Nicki Minaj's "Trollz" blasts in at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 songs chart.
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**Todd:** Yeah, it doesn't look like it'll be that easy.

> *Clip of "STOOPID"*
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> **6ix9ine:** Bitch, are you dumb d-dumb dumb dumb, d-dumb dumb dumb
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**Todd (VO):** I mean, 6ix9ine with a #1 song. That's insane to me.

**Todd:** If you don't understand why that's stange, 6ix9ine is probably the most controversial artist alive.

> *Clip of Me Too Survivors' March*
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**Todd (VO):** I mean, we call this point in time the "Me Too Era", and yet here we are, still *[screenshot of VladTV article "Tekashi 6ix9ine Pleads Guilty to 3 Counts of Sexual Misconduct with Minor"]* out here handing #1 hits to convicted sex offenders.

**Todd:** The name of the song is *[image of the cover of...]* "Trollz", which *[clip of 6ix9ine ft. Nicki Minaj - "TROLLZ"]* considering 6ix9ine's career, that's a pretty fitting title. And it's a duet with Nicki Minaj, who... *[clip of Nicki Minaj - "Stupid Hoe"]* has spent most of her career trolling. *[clip of "TROLLZ"]* And uh, yeah, they go all in on being trollishly provocative with this one. Especially in the video, with Nicki's titties hanging out everywhere.

> **Nicki Minaj:** I know you don't like me, you wanna fight me
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**Todd:** By the way, since I'm doing sponsored videos now, I shouldn't forget to mention that today's video is brought to you by *[image of...]* Pop-Tarts. *[clip of vintage Pop-Tarts ad]* Pop-Tarts. The toaster pastry you love at home or on-the-go comes in 2 new exciting flavors. *[clip of "TROLLZ" with Pop-Tart boxes over Nicki's tits]* Try new Froot Loops Pop-Tarts as well as Pretzel Cinnamon-Sugar Pop-Tarts for... *[Todd's phone dings]* Okay. I have just been told that no sponsors wanna be associated with this, and all my sponsorship deals are cancelled, and I'm banned for life from eating Pop-Tarts. Okay.

> *Clip of "TROLLZ"*
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**Todd (VO):** Well, in any case, a lot of people would like 6ix9ine to be disappeared from the face of the earth. And the name of the song is "TROLLZ". The conventional wisdom is that you don't feed the trolls.

**Todd:** In my experience, that does nothing. Unfortunately, I can't tell you what does work.

**Todd (VO):** I don't know how you solve a problem like 6ix9ine. Mostly I just wanna talk about it because this guy's been weighing on my mind.

**Todd:** So this is less a review, and me just trying to track how we got here. *[clip of 6ix9ine - "GOTTI"]* How does a guy like this get a #1 hit? *[sighs]* Okay, here's where I'll start. You've probably noticed these last couple years *[clips from "It", "American Horror Story: Cult" and "Joker"]* America became obsessed with evil clowns. Hell, we elected one of them president. *[laugh track plays]* Yes, yes, yes. Thank you.

> *Screenshot of CNN article "Creepy clown craze sweeps the globe"*
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**Todd (VO):** Well in any case, we loved evil clowns so much that we wanted them in our music.

**Todd:** I mean, yeah, I guess we have the Insane Clown Posse. But *[clip of Insane Clown Posse - "Juggalo Island"]* they turned out to be, like, actually pretty cool and decent human beings that everyone likes now. So to fill the position of evil clown rapper...

> *Video for 6ix9ine - "BILLY"*
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**Todd (VO):** ...we eventually found this guy who looks like a medieval court jester who sells drugs. *[clip of 6ix9ine - "KOODA"]* Maybe, like, a minor character in The Warriors who's in a gang called "The Skittles" or something.

> *Clip of Uncle Murda ft. 50 Cent, 6ix9ine & Casanova - "Get The Strap"*
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> **6ix9ine:** All y'all ni\*\*as suck my dick
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His name is Daniel Hernandez, better known as 6ix9ine. Or Tekashi 6ix9ine, *[image of 6ix9ine t-shirt]* 6-ix 9-ine. It's not pronounced sixty nine for the record...

**Todd:** ...so you can save your "Nice" jokes. Nothing nice about this.

> *Clip of 6ix9ine - "GUMMO"*
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> **6ix9ine:** Ni\*\*as iffy, uh, blicky got the stiffy, uh
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**Todd (VO):** I checked out 6ix9ine in 2018 as he started really breaking through, and it was just the most offensive thing I'd ever heard.

**Todd:** Not, like, for any social justice reasons. I just mean just, like, sonically.

> **6ix9ine:** In New York my ni\*\*as don't Milly Rock, my ni\*\*as money bop
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**Todd (VO):** He sounds like *[image of...]* Gilbert Gottfried having his legs broken. And if he's got any decent rhymes, I wouldn't know. It just sounds like he's screaming giberish words he made up. And all his songs had nonsense titles *[screenshot of* DUMMY BOY *on spotify]* like "Blabo" or "Doodoo" or "Moba". But even though his actual lyrics are hard to decipher, it's easy to tell who he is, what his persona is.

> *Clip of "BILLY"*
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> **6ix9ine:** Get the fuck up out my fucking face 'fore I murder you
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It's-I mea-he's just total human garbage. That's what he wants to come off as. There's no exploration of "The Struggle" or life on the streets. He's just an unrepentant piece of shit with no redeeming qualities.

**Todd:** Now, I've been pretty up-front with the fact that I felt a tiny bit disconnected from Hip Hop these past few years. *[clip of Lil Baby - "Woah"]* I've actually had to spend time trying to re-train my ears so I don't get completely left behind. So this is gonna be weird for me to admit, but here it goes. I understood 6ix9ine's appeal right away. I got it immediately.

> *Video for Trippie Redd ft. 6ix9ine - "POLES1469"*
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**Todd (VO):** I'm not saying I like it. In fact, there are times where I'll tell you that no one has ever made a worse sound in the universe. But I get it.

**Todd:** I mean, if you don't like mumble rap, then uh, *[clip of "BILLY"]* this is...not that.

> *Clip of "GUMMO"*
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> **6ix9ine:** I pull up with a stick, I let that shit hit
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**Todd (VO):** I don't know, Hip Hop used to be edgy and dangerous. You know, scare your parents.

**Todd:** And it isn't really that anymore.

> *Video for Migos - "What's The Price"*
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**Todd (VO):** You know Migos, Kodak Black, they rap about killing people, selling drugs, no one cares. It's not controversial.

**Todd:** Your mom listens to that driving home from church.

> *Video for "BILLY"*
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**Todd (VO):** But 6ix9ine actually does scare and offend people in a way that not many people are really pulling off anymore. So yeah, I can understand why he's popular with any Hip Hop fans who like to root for the bad-guy.

**Todd:** The thing is. 6ix9ine is...a *bad* guy. *[screenshot of 6ix9ine's criminal charges]* Like I said, he was convicted of sexual assault on a 13 year old. *[image of Grace Vanderwaal]* And to be clear, this is what a 13 year old girl looks like. Jesus Christ, that's pretty bad!

> *Clip of 6ix9ine's interview with DJ Akademiks*
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**Todd (VO):** For what it's worth, 6ix9ine only got probation for that. And he's got excuses for it. You know, "I didn't have sex with her, I was just around my buddies when they were having sex with her. And I was only 18 and I didn't know she was 13, and really, what is rape when you think about it." *[screenshot of police report with "Daniel Hernandez, stands behind the child making a trusting motion with his pelvis and smacking her on her buttocks" highlighted]* The actual police report says they have footage of 6ix9ine groping and grinding on this naked 8th grader.

**Todd:** Look, you can get caught in the weeds about whether it's fair or not to call him a "pedophile" because of this. But I think we can all agree, 6ix9ine learned his lesson and was never in trouble again.

> *Clip of VladTV interview with 6ix9ine's ex girlfriend, Sara Molina*
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> **Sara Molina:** He punched me. Yeah, he punched me in my eye.
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**Todd (VO):** That's a joke, obviously, since he's also been arrested for beating his girlfriend repeatedly. Like, really fucking badly. And according to her, she *[sic]* also forced her to have sex with him. *[clip of TMZ video on 6ix9ine]* And of course, he was a member of a violent criminal gang. So, just generally not a person to be rewarded with fame and riches. If there's any person on earth who should be an easy cancel, it's this guy.

**Todd:** But it turns out that cancelling very famous people is *actually* very hard.

> *Video for Chris Brown ft. Drake - "No Guidance"*
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**Todd (VO):** I screamed *for years* that we should get rid of Chris Brown, how'd that work out for me? *[clip of "KOODA"]* I especially didn't expect it to work on 6ix9ine. Like, calling him the horrible abusive monster...

**Todd:** ...is not gonna do anything, when his response is gonna be:

**Todd (VO):** "Yes, I'm a horrible abusive monster."

**Todd:** The only real abuser that's been booted out of music is R. Kelly.

> *Clip of R. Kelly CBS interview with Gayle King*
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**Todd (VO):** And *he* had to be an active practicing pedophile for 20 years. And more importantly, stop having hits.

**Todd:** For the most part, people who actually do lose their careers for being "problematic"...

> *Clips of "Blurred Lines" ft. T.I. & Pharrell Williams and "Fancy" ft. Charli XCX, by, respectively...*
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**Todd (VO):** ...are people like Robin Thicke or Iggy Azalea. Whose crimes were much lesser, but who no one really liked that much to begin with. *[clip of 6ix9ine ft. Anuel AA - "BEBE"]* 6ix9ine is still very lucrative, so he's been pretty insulated from any actual consequences.

**Todd:** Mostly.

> *Video for 6ix9ine ft. DJ SpinKing - "TATI"*
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**Todd (VO):** After violating his probation about six dozen times, the authorities finally hit his entire gang for various crimes and attempted murders. *[screenshot of complex article "Footage Appears to Prove 6ix9ine Was Involved in Shootings and Robberies"]* Apparently, they got footage of 6ix9ine specifically committing crimes on camera. *[image of 6ix9ine in court]* No your honor, that's not me.

**Todd:** That must be some other *[another image of 6ix9ine]* living Rainbow Brite doll with a 69 face tattoo. Tekashi got his sentence reduced to only two years by *[screenshot of Patch article "Tekashi 6ix9ine Dodges Decades In Prison By Flipping On Gang"]* completely selling out every single one of his homies. *[clip of TMZ Newsroom Today video on 6ix9ine]* He also testified that he joined the gang just for street cred to promote his music. And his role in the gang was basically just to give them his royalties. So basically he bought his friends.

> **Host:** 6ix9ine is catching a lot of heat for what people are calling "snitching"
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**Todd (VO):** So, everyone figured that was the end of him. It was kinda like Capone going down for tax evasion, but you know, yeah. If we can't cancel him for abuse, he can at least lose all his cred. Now everyone knows he's a dirty rat, he violated the "code of the streets."

**Todd:** I'd like to see Tekashi wriggle his way outta this jam. *[screenshot of TMZ article "TEKASHI WRIGGLES OUT OF JAM EASIILY"]* Ah, well. Nevertheless.

> *Clip of TMZ Live video on 6ix9ine*
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**Todd (VO):** I can't know this for sure, but I'm told that his fan base is a bunch of teenage suburban edgelords...

**Todd:** ...who do not actually care about the "code of the streets".

**Todd (VO):** That would explain why his career was not stopped permanently by snitching. In fact, it didn't even stop for the length of his prison sentence.

**Todd:** Okay, here's a history lesson that you might not know, kids. *[clip of CBS news story on the pandemic]* In the spring of 2020, there was a global pandemic. *["The More You Know" video plays, then the news story continues]* And since our miserable, overcrowded prisons are a horrible vector of disease, *[clip of NBC news story on inmates being released]* some prisons started releasing medically vulnerable inmates which...is probably good policy. But there are drawbacks.

> *Video for 6ix9ine - "GOOBA"*
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**Todd (VO):** Cause that meant 6ix9ine was released into house arrest, and he immediately resumed his rap career louder and more insufferably than ever.

> **6ix9ine:** I tell a ni\*\*a don't dick ride, don't blick ride
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> Leave it to the double thick thighs
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His first track upon release was called "GOOBA". And speaking purely as a critic, it is both his best and his worst song.

> **6ix9ine:** You big hater
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> You nothin' but a hater, hater, clout chaser
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**Todd (VO):** It's nothing but pure, unrestrained gloating. Performed as malevolently and unlistenably as humanly possible. In fact, for much of it, he doesn't even attempt to make rhymes.

> **6ix9ine:** You're mad I'm back, big mad
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> He's mad, she's mad, big sad
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> Haha, don't care, stay mad
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It's everything people like and don't like about him. It's one of the most hateable and loathsome things I have ever heard. Against my better judgement, I'm almost impressed with it.

**Todd:** It's basically a wrestling heel promo.

**Todd (VO):** He's trying to piss me off, and he succeeded, so he wins.

**Todd:** He even brags about snitching the same way that Triple H would brag about cheating.

> **6ix9ine:** Tell me how I ratted, came home to a big bag
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**Todd (VO):** But this is real life, *[clip of...]* and Stone Cold's not gonna run in and hit him with a chair, so it's not even fun like pro wrestling which pisses me off even more.

**Todd:** Speaking of wrestling heel promos.

> *Clip of 6ix9ine's Instagram video calling out Billboard*
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> **6ix9ine:** So, listen. I want the world to know that Billboard is a lie.
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**Todd (VO):** I think he expected "GOOBA" to debut at #1, it didn't. *[clip of Ariana Grande & Justin Bieber - "Stuck with U"]* A duet between Justin Bieber and Ariana Grande debuted at #1 instead, so *[screen recording of the aforementioned video on 6ix9ine's Instagram page]* he released a whole whiny rant about how they must have cheated it or something.

> **6ix9ine:** It's all manipulated, right? It's all fabricated. You can buy #1's. This is what these artists do.
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> *"GOOBA" starts playing and a crying emoji appears over 6ix9ine's face with the text "cry more" at the bottom*
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> **6ix9ine:** You nothin' but a hater, hater
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> *Clip of "Stuck with U"*
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**Todd (VO):** Yeah, how could a duet between the 2 of the biggest stars in music do better than a *[clip of "GOOBA"]* screaming idiot doing a 3 minute Cartman impression. *[screenshot of Hot 100 with "GOOBA" at #3]* Also, "GOOBA" only debuted at #3.

**Todd:** Billboard had to issue *[screenshot of Musically article "Billboard defends charts after Tekashi 6ix9ine allegations"]* a statement defending themselves against this clown who clearly only said it for the attention. *[Hot 100 screenshot reappears]* His song only debuted at Number 3, so even without Bieber, it still wouldn't have been #1. He wasn't blocked from anything.

> *Video for "TROLLZ"*
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**Todd (VO):** So that brings us to two weeks ago, when at last he did get that #1 spot.

**Todd:** How did that happen?

> **Nicki Minaj:** Dolla Dollar bill, come get her
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**Todd (VO):** 6ix9ine is probably radioactive right now for most people...

**Todd:** ...but he has one major ally: Nicki Minaj.

> *Clip of 6ix9ine, Nicki Minaj, Murda Beatz - "FEFE"*
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> **Nicki Minaj:** Let these bi-bi-bitches know
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**Todd (VO):** In 2018, Nicki helped him get what is basically his only real radio hit. And she just seems to genuinely respect and like working with him. *[clip of "TROLLZ"]* And they both kinda need each other right now. Because Nicki...

**Todd:** ...has been *bleeding* support and fans for years. *[clip of Nicki Minaj - "Megatron"]* She's built up a pretty bad reputation as a total bitch who treats both fans and other artists pretty badly. I tend to believe it, considering the *[clips of Madonna ft. Nicki Minaj - "Bitch I'm Madonna" and Migos ft. Cardi B & Nicki Minaj - "MotorSport"]* dozens upon dozens of videos where she couldn't be bothered to show up in the same room as her co-stars. Seriously, check on your own.

> *Clips of wil.i.am ft. Nicki Minaj - "Check It Out" and Alicia Keys ft. Nicki Minaj - "Girl on Fire"*
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**Todd (VO):** Eighty percent of her guest appearances she clearly shot on a green screen from her living room. *[screenshot of The Guardian article "Nicki Minaj review - rap's queen reaches end of her reign"]* Everything she's done since 2018 has seemed to dig the hole deeper.

**Todd:** But she is still a huge pop-star with a huge fan base and 6ix9ine is the hot up-and-comer, so they can help each other, and they have.

> *Video for "TROLLZ"*
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**Todd (VO):** She can't be bothered to show up for Migos or Uzi or god damn Madonna, but she can take time during a global pandemic to hang out with a wife-beating sex offender.

**Todd:** I don't have a lot to say about the actual song cause...honestly, it's kinda good?

> **6ix9ine:** Watch, mhm
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> Glock, mhm
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**Todd (VO):** I think the beat is *really* good. And Tekashi isn't screaming every line. And Nicki, you know, she may not have the clout she had 6 years ago, but her skills have not really diminished.

> **Nicki:** Dolla Dollar bill, come get her
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> Even your man know Nickis do it betterrrrrrrrrrrrrr
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I took this part as a callback to her verse...

**Todd:** on Big Sean's "Ass, Ass, Ass".

> *Clip of Big Sean ft. Nicki Minaj - "Dance (A$$)"*
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> **Nicki:** In the islands of Waikikiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
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> *Video for "TROLLZ"*
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**Todd (VO):** And she references it explicitly a couple lines later.

> **Nicki:** He singin' my old song, yellin', "Ass, ass, ass"
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I appreciated that cause "Ass, ass, ass" is her best verse and I like to see it acknowledged.

**Todd:** *[beat]* I probably can't defend that hot take in any way, but screw it. *[clip of "Dance (A$$)"]* Her greatest moment was "Ass, Ass, Ass". So I mean, that's it, right? We lose.

> *Clip of "TROLLZ"*
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**Todd (VO):** That was the one thing in his arsenal he was missing, decent single, right? So now we're never getting rid of him.

**Todd:** Well actually, about that.

**Todd (VO):** A week after hitting #1, "TROLLZ" dropped harder than any other #1 single has ever dropped. (\*Except "All I Want for Christmas Is You" and that's a Christmas song so really it shouldn't count, right?) In fact, *[screenshot of Hot 100 with "TROLLZ" at #34]* it nearly dropped out of the Top 40 entirely. *[another Hot 100 screenshot with "TROLLZ" at #54]* And one week later, it dropped another 20 spots.

**Todd:** Which, fine. 6ix9ine was never gonna be a big pop-star anyway, with or without Nicki's help. The measurements are different for rap. Like, *[clips of "Woah" and "Dior", by, respectively...]* Lil Baby or Pop Smoke, rest in peace. They became big stars with their songs mostly hovering around the 30 to 50 range. That's-that's fine. In fact, the new chart came out today while I was making this video. So let's just make sure they're holding steady, *[screenshot of Hot 100 with "TROLLZ" at #83]* and, uh, *holy* shit, it's almost gone. The *fuck*?

> *Video for "TROLLZ"*
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**Todd (VO):** How does a #1 hit plummet that quickly?

**Todd:** Well, here's my guess.

> *Montage clips of Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande - "Rain On Me", DaBaby ft. Roddy Ricch - "Rockstar", Travis Scott & Kid Cudi - "THE SCOTTS", and "Stuck with U"*
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**Todd (VO):** The pandemic has made the charts act real weird. For months, the #1 spot was a revolving door. New #1 song every week, almost all of them were debuts, and almost all of them were duets. These aren't topping the charts because people actually like them that much.

**Todd:** People haven't had the chance to like them.

**Todd (VO):** What I think is happening is that we're all sitting around inside, bored with nothing to do, waiting for something new to pop up on our feeds. And artists are taking advantage of that and combining their fan bases to tag team their new tracks onto the charts. *[clip of Megan Thee Stallion's 2020 BET Awards performance]* And some of these songs *are* good enough to stick around and remain popular. *[clip of "TROLLZ"]* But it looks like 6ix9ine's songs don't have that kind of widespread appeal or interest.

**Todd:** Look, I've had people tell me that they like 6ix9ine in probably the same way *[clip of Eminem - "The Real Slim Shady"]* that I liked Slim Shady back when I was a teenager. But 6ix9ine doesn't really remind me of Eminem. He reminds me a lot more of Marilyn Manson.

> *Video for Marilyn Manson - "The Beautiful People"*
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**Todd (VO):** And Marilyn had a few good songs too. But he wasn't really interesting enough to sustain attention for very long. As opposed to Eminem or ICP who are still prominent right now.

**Todd:** That's kinda what I think will happen to Tekashi too. *[clip of "TROLLZ"]* Judging from the steep and sudden drop of his new singles. I think his shtick will get old, his fans will age and forget him. And the stigma will stick to Nicki much longer than any boost she gets from him. I mean, I could very well be wrong about this, I'm wrong all the time. But shock value only gets you so far.

> *Clips of Ozzy Osbourne - "No More Tears" and Snoop Dogg's 1993 VMA performance*
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**Todd (VO):** There are artists like Ozzy Osbourne or, you know, Snoop Dogg who started out controversial, *[clip of "Snoop Dogg Presents The Joker's Wild"]* and then stuck around through sheer talent and charisma.

> *Clip of "GOOBA"*
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> **6ix9ine:** In the Bentley truck-a, the Wraith truck-a
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> Your bestie is a dick sucker
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Yeah, I don't think 6ix9ine has that kind of talent. I don't think that's in the cards for him. What is his future, I don't know.

**Todd:** A lifetime of looking over his shoulder to make sure his ex-homies don't waste him, probably. I mean, what's he gonna do, go into witness protection?

> *Clip of "Goodfellas" with 6ix9ine's face pasted onto Henry Hill*
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> **Henry Hill (Ray Liotta):** Today everything is different; there's no action... have to wait around like everyone else.
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**Todd (VO):** Hey, that's him! *[gunshot sounds then the screen cuts to black]*

**Todd:** No, that's not gonna happen. *[clip of "TROLLZ"]* Honestly, at this point I just want him cancelled because he's exhausting to talk about. Ugh, God, can 2020 get *any* worse?

*Gets up and leaves*

*Closing Tag Song: Eduard Khil - "Trololo Song"*

***THE END***

***"Trollz" is owned by Create Music Group***

***This video is owned by me***

***THANK YOU TO THE LOYAL PATRONS!!***