Bat Man

🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🖕🖕🖕🖕🤬🖕🖕🤬🤬🤬🤬🖕🤬🤬🤬🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🤬🤬🖕🤬🤬🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🤬🖕🤬🖕🖕🖕🤬🖕🤬🖕🖕🤬🖕🖕🖕🤬🤬🤬🖕🖕

### Relatives

Nightwing, somehow (also my buddy Wes says he’s secretly the half-cousin of Bruce Wayne)

## Physical description

### Eye color

two

🤬🤬🤬🖕🤬🤬🤬🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🤬🤬🤬😦🤬🤬😦😦🤬🤬i think batman is nice actually

”BatMan” is the name of this fucking tube on the right who commits such homophobic acts as not letting me get away with bank robbery.

## What The Fuck, Is That A Rat?

No, it’s a bat. It’s like a rat, but it can swim, and it sucks.

## Things We’re Pretty Sure Batman Can Do

* He’s just a really big bat, right? He should be able to do all the things that bats can do.
	+ Bullshit. If he was really a giant bat, he’d look like Doc Kirk from Arkham U. He turned himself into a bat that one time and never came back. They’d look like each other. He’d have fangs and shit.
		- I'm going to kill you
		- Hi! Dr. Langstrom here! I’m new to this site, but I just wanted to let you know that I don’t know this man and he’s not a bat. Who else here thinks Batman is a robot? - K. L.
* Bat-Man kicked my ass, so he’s capable of doing that.
* I heard somewhere that, if you cut off one of his fingers and bury it in the ground and wait three days, it’ll grow into another Batman. But you shouldn’t cut Batman’s fingers off, because his blood will come to life and kill you.
	+ I think there might be something wrong with you.
* i work at the bank and he knocked over all our free pens and i had to clean it up so we know one of his super-powers isn't being considerate !
* Batted Man is very large. This is because he is huge.
* If we’re going off what bats can do, then Batman may be able to swim, although this is just an unproven hypothesis.
	+ I saw a Bat swim yesterday actually. It was graceful and serene. I think it gave me diseases when it bit me though
* He controls all the Robins like a swarm of Pikmin and can turn you into a Robin if he bites you.
	+ Screw you, man. Everybody knows he doesn’t have teeth.
* I once saw Batman walk right through a glass wall like the Terminator. Bossman tried firing some of the ol’ googoo gas at the guy, but he just kept going, completely unfazed. Then he grabbed the poor guy by the neck and started strangling him while shaking him up and down like Bart Simpson, and he said to me, “You should run while your leg bones aren’t broken yet, Clive”. I don’t know how he knew my name. Anyway, I got home alright, but my son had already been born, so I left again.
* Guys, guys, I have to tell you something. Batman’s just a guy in a suit. I swear on my mom’s grave, I was standing around in Crime Alley and I saw him getting dressed behind a phone booth. And you’ll never believe this- I saw his face, and, again, I swear to God, he was that one homeless guy from downtown who chews matchsticks.
	+ You are such a liar. Next you’ll be telling me the Flash is real. Malone would never do that to us, anyway.
* He can just teleport you to Superjail whenever he wants.
* Batman is the keeper of the Big Penny, and we are forever damned because of this.

## Children The Terrible Bat’s Man Has Stolen

* Nightwing
* Red Hood
* Robin
* The other Robin
* The smallest Robin (the one with the sword)
* Yours? Better go check.
* wgere did the commisioners daughter go