Timeline

## Champions of Bophades Oneshot, September 5, 6970

A team consisting of Maurtillard, Dell Conagher, Momo Reference, Papi Smurf, and Sebastian, picked for diversity, find themselves at the gates of Steve Jobs’ house in Cringetopia.  An emo Minecraft steamer, Dante Edgar Alistor, better known as Nightmare, introduces them to the crowd and streams their adventure.  He tells the party that their journey will be live streamed to support Ligma research, in honor of Steve Jobs.  After stealing the hearts of the audience, the motley crew enters the mansion, fashioned after Squidward’s house with Apple logos for eyes.

The first room is pitch dark, but Dell lights a blowtorch and finds the lightswitch.  The party finds themselves at a Saw Con, where the exits are blocked by spinning saws.   Papi Smurf approaches Steve at the potions shop and buys A1 Steak Sawce and Minecraft water.  He attempts to barter with a sorcerer’s ear, causing Steve to stare into his Denny’s cup in despair, take a swig, and pass out.  The party steals the rest of his wares, consisting of a Mana potion and Kombucha.  Dante intermittently remarks about the stream on the intercom before being interrupted by Sir Slamican the Grand ordering him to do something.  Momo Reference and Dell Conagher approach some guy named Henry selling NFTs.  He seems stoned and spends an unnecessary amount of time describing his Hammer, Gertrude.  Because all of his wares are so expensive, Momo opts to swallow him whole and let the party steal his goods.  Papi Smurf then yeets Momo into the rafters, allowing her to find the sensor bar attached to each of the saws.  Papi uses the ladder NFT to climb up and discovers the iClicker that controls the saws.  These items are brought to Dell, who performs the first of several acts of Engineering ™.  He deactivates the saws by pressing C on the remote, but the Saw Con’s furry mascot stands in the way of the exit, blocking the party.  Momo believes this to be Justin Beaver, a minion of the vampire Smash Mouth, and attacks.  The beaver furry is eventually defeated, revealing even more fur under the fursuit.  The party continues into the next chamber.

In the next room, they discover Steve Unemployment, a pokemon trainer.  He challenges the party to a pokemon battle, provided that one of them acts as the trainer and uses an Apple iDistraction during the fight.  The party agrees, and they face off against Slugma, Swellow, Gulpin, and Rhydon.  Swellow and Gulpin go down first.  Sebastian survives being gulped by Gulpin.  Dell, acting as the party’s trainer, deploys a dispenser on the battlefield to reinvigorate his teammates.  Papi Smurf and Muartillard take down Rhydon, who calls Papi Smurf his father in his dying moment.  Momo Reference, after vomiting up a miserable Henry, follows Slugma on its way to attack Sebastian and defeats it.  Steve Unemployment recalls Slugma, conceding to the party.  However, Momo Reference decides to question him about vampires.  At first he refuses, leading to castration via Papi Smurf’s hunting trap.  Dante has to censor the stream, and also hints at looking for a crown for Sir Slamican the Grand.  She’s looking for information on Smash Mouth, but learns that Apple has a history of collaborating with vampires for an unknown reason, Smash Mouth being one of their benefactors.  They assault him via ladder (whose name is Rachel) attacks, watch him die of Ligma, and move on to the next chamber.

The party finds themselves on a street in Connecticut, the connector realm.  They’re in front of a Bank of America, with the America crossed out and replaced with Anatrollia.  Inside, they meet Steve Internship, a nervous bank intern who burns through coffee.  He gives them information on the next puzzle and is eager to send the party away.  The puzzle consists of four flags: Kenyan flag, Sugondese flag, Canadian flag, and a flag of the entirety of Europe.  After consideration, the party decides on the European flag, but Dell and Papi Smurf check for magic just to be safe.  Dell uses a comically oversized puzzle piece to replace the European flag on its pedestal, causing a secret stairwell to open up.  The party descends, finding the coffin of Steve Jobs.  They find an Apple watch on his wrist, realize it was invented after he died, and look up to see a Steve clone emerge from a secret hallway.  Steve Retirement congratulates the party on their progress and reveals that he is a vampire, attacking the party.  Fortunately, Momo and Sebastian stunlock him and the DM forgets that regeneration is an ability, so Maurtillard and Papi Smurf can whittle him down while Dell fires from afar.  Papi Smurf grapples Steve Retirement and holds him in the ray of sun coming from a crack in the ceiling.  As he dies, the party looks up and sees Dante approaching.  He admits that he had to pause the stream to find them, and that they raised 20,000 dollars for Ligma research.  Commending their accomplishments, he says that his team is looking for talent, and asks if the party would be interested in hunting a god.

## Honker Hunters Oneshot, July 4, 6970

Luigi Rossi, Moon Beast, Sex Shark, and Steve Internship arrive in Castle Mapleleaf, Canada, to speak with King Justien Bebeer. He informs them that Canada's military consists of two guys, a red wheelbarrow, and a gun. This army is insufficient to take care of the summer snowstorm's onslaught of honkers, so he is requesting their help to eradicate the geese. The party accepts, and they meet 5 possible guide candidates: Bork-Nork, Zane, Swiggles the Fun, Ervann, Pan C. Ake. After discussing amongst themselves, they decide to pick Bork-Nork, who produces his Honker Hunter, a device for tracking honkers, and the group departs.

Out in the wilds, they encounter 6 honkers after an hour. Bork-Nork attempts to get the party to strategize. Moon Beast and Sex Shark leap into action while Luigi, Bork-Nork, and Steve Internship stay in the trees. Luigi Rossi and Giuseppe, his wildfire spirit torch all of the honkers with a fireball. Bork-Nork detects another honker directly beneath them, and the party searches for a bit before discovering a hibernation tunnel. They descend.

In the caverns, they find lava pools and Canadium, a mineral only found in Canada. Sleeping is the Mama Honker. The Honker Hunters position themselves to surprise her. On Bork-Nork's signal, they attack. It's a long and grueling battle. Moon Beast is enlarged and hasted, temporarily becoming the Super Moon Beast with Extra Moon. Eventually he loses his wildshape and becomes some guy named Lunis. Sex Shark attempts to sensually stroke the Mama Goose but is very frequently resisted. He tries to appeal to his god, Daddy Shark, but fails. Luigi laments the fact that Giuseppe cannot hit. Ever. Steve Internship rolls well for the first time all night, and gets his Apple Weighted Companion Cube to break about $10,000 worth of iMacs. Eventually, the party succeeds in slaying the Mama Goose with the combined power of an ice storm, two fireballs, guns and science, and the horn from the Magic Schoolbus.

When they return to Castle Mapleleaf, they find that all of the guards, guides, and the king have been killed. Dragging Justien Bebeer's body to a window is Pan C. Ake, who looks back at the party and greets them.

## Tomato Town Torture Oneshot, June 9, 6970

Chronas B. Timemin, Chronas D.Timemin, Cheddar Bay Biscuit Dispenser 865, and Ivan Ivermectin find themselves at their 10 minute long lunch break. Sweaty Steve enters, reminds the employees that the Costco of Tomato Town is low staffed, and forces them from their break early. Miffed, the party goes to clean up the milk spill in aisle 5, only to discover it became an enormous sea of milk. They begin cleaning it up and putting it into Chug Jugs for resale.

The Chronases notice a trail of marinara arc through the milk and chase it. This elusive marinara worm leads the party to the LED rainbow feet of Dameon, who is streaming to Twitch. He insults the party, invokes the name of XxElectro\_DragonxX, and uses necromancy to revive the rotisserie chickens into a chicken golem. Cheddar Bay Biscuit Dispenser 865 hijacks the stream to play Red Lobster ads, and Ivan Ivermectin uses ivermectin to attack the golem. Eventually it falls, and Dameon soon finds himself cornered and about to be killed by the Chronases. He begs for his life but is murdered anyway since gamers don't have rights. All daggers used to stab the epic gamer become epic gamer knives, which have rainbow LEDs in them.

Finally at peace, the party returns to cleaning up the now chickenified milk. Ivan Ivermectin is meanwhile torturing a tapeworm that is wearing a gamer headset they found in the gut of Dameon for information on Wormtopia. The tapeworm confesses that it is in Britain. They notice that 1 floortile is sucking things up. Chronas D Timemin brings Sweaty Steve over to investigate, claiming its his responsibility as the manager. Sweaty Steve, pissed that his Fortnite game was being interrupted, grumbles and is promptly eaten by the floortile. He is finished with a wet sucking noise, and the tile splits in two. The XxInferno\_DragonxX emerges, demands to challenge the Electro Dragon, and parlays with the party. They eventually decide to go to the nearest airport and ride Delta Airlines to Great Britain.

In Britain, they find a Worm Maid and Gaming Cafe. Convinced that this is their destination, the party and the Inferno Dragon blast the door down to find the Electro Dragon and Motherworm involved in an intimate relationship. Disgusted by this perverse crime against all that is natural, they elect to kill the dragon and his "waifu". The Motherworm births rat-tailed maggots and dragon-headed worms while the Electro Dragon uses its cum attack. Horribly traumatized, the party is successful in defeating them, and also slays the Inferno Dragon since it's a gamer and gamers don't get rights. They then burn down the cafe. The conspiracy of the worms and the gamers is put to an end, and the party is left to wander the streets of London, as none of them can afford a plane ticket back to Tomato Town.

## Ace of Based Oneshot, April 21, 6970

Relon Bloodlust, Tabii, Poppy, and Father Wojack, the crew of the mighty crack vessel the Cracker Barrel, were hired by their captain, Crack Barrow, to retrieve his beloved jar of dirt from his crack pirate nemesis, Crackbeard. They agreed and were handed a topaz inscribed with a triangle rune as a reward. With that, the party boarded rowboats and headed toward Crackbeard's island (Crackbeard's Crack Den).

They were attacked by the Crack Ness monster, which seemed to improvise, adapt, and overcome their methods of attack. After a rocky battle, they defeat it. Poppy notices a green glow coming from its chest, and finds an emerald inscribed with a triangle rune embedded in the monster's sternum. She takes it. Tabii dies.

Crackbeard doesn't notice them arrive on his island, so they try to sneak up on him. Unfortunately, his two lackeys, Boris and Borisa are perceptive. They engage the party in battle, leaving them exhausted and wounded, but triumphant. Father Wojak reveals his furry form while tearing Crackbeard apart. The party investigates Crackbeard's tent to see if they can find the jar of dirt. They discover a sapphire with the same triangle rune in it, as well as a mountain dew bottle full of crack. It's labeled "DUNUT TUCH! CRACK BARROWS DIRT BAWTTLE". They take that. Poppy finds colored pill capsules and decides to eat one. She realizes it isn't spinach, and spits out a foam dinosaur which grows and gets progressively yeastier. On its side is “001 YEASTSHIRE YEASTBEAST.INC”. The party fells the yeast beast, and decides to mix together the other two pills they found. Relon tears the foam apart and Wojack puts them into a barrell Poppy found. It becomes a yeast amalgam that screams and squelches in pain as the party watches. The party puts some yeast foam into the mountain dew bottle.

The party investigates a perfect triangle of palm trees and discovers a stone plate under the sand with holes in it for their 3 triangle rune gems. Upon placing them, an ocean temple rises from the sea. They enter, run through the traps and disable the mechanisms, and discover a stinking, rotting, giant clam. Inside of it is a huge pearl, which they take.

Crack Barrow is furious with them once he receives his soiled mountain dew bottle. He gives them a ride to Tampa, Florida, and leaves them at port. The party buys a boat from a retired Crack pirate and names it Ace of Based. They go on to work with the Loxodon military and spread crack piracy.

## Pete's Paranormal Pest Control Crew, September 6969

Billsonim, Dorothy Ann, Jojo Reference, and Raccoon Ronnie were tasked with completing the day's work for Porcupine Pete in Tallahassee, Florida. Aboard their Sloppy Galoppy sled, they first went to Uppermiddleclassville to enter Karen's mansion to rid her house of ghosts. They discovered that the ghosts were in fact Klansmen in the basement. After a short skirmish, the racists were defeated. Raccoon Ronnie was discovered sifting through the neighborhood trash cans, and brought back to the team to go to their next job, which was in Arsontown.

There, they were tasked with exterminating a pair of shadow salamanders from a daycare run by a chainsmoker. In a rare spectacle, Dorothy Ann and Billsonim worked together to trap and reveal the location of the shadow creatures. They left the smoking house, leaving everyone inside to die from smoke inhalation.

Their next stop was an old lady's house to help her find her lost dog. Raccoon Ronnie and Dorothy Ann tracked the dog to the nearby park, where it was found eating a tabaxi. Raccoon Ronnie tried to woo the corgi hellhound with stories first, but it exhaled a line of fire, knocking Dorothy Ann unconscious. During the fighting, Jojo Reference and Billsonim also were knocked down. Jojo Reference passed away, but not before talking to Greg the rat as a ghost. Raccoon Ronnie, having been called a "Trash Panda" by Billsonim, sabotaged Billsonim's stabilization efforts and killed him. Dorothy Ann was stabilized (on her own, mind you), and left the scene with Raccoon Ronnie, the sole survivor of the missing hellhound. They created a dog effigy to give to the old lady out of sticks and mud and a bear trap, left before she could attack them, and went back to Porcupine Pete, only to find that Johnny Oxi-Clean had bleached him to death.

## Denny's 4th of July Weekend Staff Oneshot, July 4, 6969

N.M.H.M, Steve, and Tom Ketchup find themselves seated in Sir Slamican the Grand's office. They are all experienced workers at Denny's, and are ready for the 7th Triennial Denny's Manager Games today. Someone walks into the office through the interview door and gets shot. Eventually, the halfling secretary calls them into the interview office. They notice Bacon crossed out of the mascot portraits, as well as several failed Denny's managers' portrait. There, they meet Sir Slamican the Grand, who explains how the battle royale will be livestreamed in order for Denny's to earn back the money they lost literally buying hell to use as an arena. Tom Ketchup makes a remark about it being time for blasting. With that, they enter teleporters and appear in the arena. Tom begins with an attack against Steve. NMHM dashes around the arena and picks up like half of the burgers. Steve attacks with his enchanted netherite weapon (Nine Lives Stealer), Tom uses his condiments, and NMHM is a general nuisance.

They watch bridges fall apart, discover guns, and summon The Bacon, the excommunicated member of the mascots. Tom has to switch from his ketchup bottles to his mustard ones, and eventually the relish bottles. Steve, cornered by The Bacon, attacks with his netherite sword. The Bacon heals in the lava, and Steve gets an idea to try eating The Bacon. It cries out in horror at how he thought eating an eldritch godlike entity in hell was a good idea. The minecraft eating noise reverberates through the cavern. It runs away, and NMHM approaches to attack Steve. After a strike from NMHM, Steve dies with an "oof" and his items spill everywhere. NMHM runs back to the northern island and pushes Tom off of a cliff, but he hauls himself back up. Tom asks NMHM to a proper duel, and is thrown off the cliff again. He dies, burning in the lava and claimed by the souls of the damned (bacon flows by nearby, similarly claimed).

NMHM emerges victorious, is debriefed by Sir Slamican the Grand, and declares that he has learned what it means to be human: to suffer. He hugs Sir Slamican the Grand, and self destructs.

## Bread Busters Oneshot, April 20, 6969

Greg and Mokus the Smokus were taken from the Breadburg insane asylum to go meet Barry Breadwinner, mayor of Breadburg, about a quest. Barry tells them that all of Breadburg's frog bread has gone missing, and that he needs Greg and Mokus to investigate. They are given a lead on the town's vice mayor, Billy Breadloser (who had been acting rather sus lately), as well as a basket of unlimited breadsticks. The party decides to go to Breadloser's Bakery to see if they can find anything. They climb the walls to the second floor and see weird runes on the wall. Following a trail of breadcrumbs, they discover a secret passageway behind a cabinet that leads to the sewers.

Underground, there is a swamp in the sewers. Billy Breadloser is found arms torn off, in the tunnels. He warns the party of *The Old Bread*, dies, and the party gives him a proper burial. Mokus and Greg trek through the shit and eventually come across an underground lake. They are ambushed by a Moby Duck; a massive Duck the size of an elephant. They fight the moby duck, and come out victorious. Further across the lake, they discover where all of the bread is being taken: The underwater city of R'lyeh. They devise a plan to lure a moby duck with bread sticks, and then ride them into the cave and attack whatever is inside. They cover their explorer 100 raft in breadsticks and ride into the cave.

With the find a massive mountain of bread, with the frog bread placed neatly atop. However they encounter a Quacken, a massive tentacled duck monster. Unfortunately Mokus dies, and Greg soon after. The quacken was too op pls nerf.

Johnny Oxi-Clean was going to reach out to them afterward but they died.

## Bully Busters Oneshot, February 23, 6969

Blake had intended this to be a semi-normal one shot, clearly that did not happen. Johnny Oxi-Clean, Ranger, Ernie and Bert, Arnold, and Curious George meet in a tavern. A gnome approaches them with the job they've agreed to: stop his mentor from poisoning the town's water with a love potion. Recently, his mentor created toy soldiers that would lash out and attack people, and the public hated him for it. He was using the love potion to attempt to salvage his reputation.

The party goes to the toy shop, take some jelly beans, and are ambushed by a few toy soldiers. Curious George punches things, while Ranger shifts into his ranger form. Arnold is abducted by Johnny Oxi-Clean, and isn't allowed to be put down. After the fight, they find a leaky pipe in the side room, as well as a gem. The party continues exploring, and finds the gnome's apprentices under the shop. Johnny Oxi-Clean throws some bleach down there. The apprentices cast charm person on Ranger, who turns on the party and kills Arnold.

The party then exits the toy shop to look for the well. There, they find the gnome toymaker and fight him and his construct bodyguard. Curious George and Johnny Oxi-Clean fall into the well, and Ranger cuts the gnome's arms off. Ernie and Bert flee.