Dead Subquadrant's Got Talent

## Summary

The crew must pull out all the stops as they establish relations with a planet no one knew existed. Bargie hosts. C-53 asks for a re-do. The warm bean is put to use.

## Plot

Pleck asks Dar what her plans are for the Kroon they stole from the moss planet Do'Jamn. If Pleck had that many Kroon he's use it to buy a mattress. It turns out that his arrived and Bargie threw it out because it didn't feel good on her. If Bargie had the Kroon she would get softer engines, seventeen more windows and legs. Seventy-nine, functioning, buxom, voluptuous, long legs with 17-inch heels. Pleck feeling the need to up the ante, says he'd get a trip to Rangus 2 and the capital world, Quantaris. They get a call from Nermut, if he had the Kroon he would take night courses to further his career. When Dar flirts heavily with Nermut, he gets flustered and disappears off screen to emit steam. The crew then hangs up on Nermut after asking him if this is one of those calls he makes with nothing to say. Nermut calls back, and states he has a mission for them: their mission is to go to the 9-2 Subquadrant. It is a dead subquadrant, but there have been readings of a potential planet with lifeforms in the subquadrant. Dar thinks it is suspicious.

Rolphus Tiddle has an update on troop movements and victories. A sortie blew up a military magazine on Q'arf'fenn'. The ship Liberty Ding Dong has a critical Wiffle infestation. He reluctantly encourages people to like the Mission to Zyxx Facebook page and to follow on Twitter.

Pleck is excited to discover a new planet. C-53 magnified the image of the planet, it's very regular and angular. The planet, Dodecahelen, telepathically contacts them. Dodecahelen has poor self esteem. Dodecahelen is an immortal being and is all knowing, she has been alive for a billion years. People have discovered her before but purposely don't tell their friends about her. Due to her longevity Dodecahelen has seen everything before, the crew ask Dodecahelen a lot of hypotheticals. Dodecahelen has tried to commit suicide, she is too even to hang herself. Dodecahelen reveals that Nermut puts out transmissions of himself singing in his cleaning chamber, on purpose. Dodecahelen shows them a transmission. They offer to let her join the Federated Alliance. Dodecahelen reveals that the only thing she's never seen a live talent show and maybe it would bring her enough joy to join the Federated Alliance. They get a call from a C.L.I.N.T.T.S, the The Council of Seven has ordered them there to destroy Dodecahelen. Dodecahelen created telepathic contact with the Council of Seven and it is viewed as a security risk. The crew doubts that they can destroy an immortal being even with Nucleoid Missiles. The C.L.I.N.Ts order them to do the talent show in order to give them time to work out how to bomb Dodecahelen. Dodecahelen wants to die but is getting excited about the talent show. Dodecahelen makes programs for the talent show, Bargie will host.

Bargie starts the talent show with a monologue joke. C-53 takes the stage to recite pi to the 10,000th place. Dar and Pleck have an aside, Pleck is nervous. Bargie cuts C-53 off and brings Dar to the stage. Dar is a classically trained dancer, they tap dance to 'We're in the Kroons'. C-53 asks to demonstrate a different talent, he shows them a card trick. He makes the selected card appear on his cube. They cut him off when he tries to continue reciting pi. There is a montage of all the holo stars that died in the previous year. Nermut calls to see how the mission is going, they introduce him to Dodecahelen and tell him to perform a talent. At first Nermut denies knowing what they are referring to, but C-53 reveals they know he uses the name Bermut Nundaloy. Nermut sings a song about riding a speeder. Pleck is the final act. He puts the Warm Bean in some water from the refrigerator. The crew is nervous about the results. The water bubbles at a boil despite the bean being too cold to cause that to happen. Pleck attempts some crowd work but fails at it. The water is 271°, though the bean remains cooler than that. The crew argues that it's technically a talent of the bean. The bean starts to crack. Dodecahelen reads a poem with her ventriloquist dummy Cubie. Dodecahelen announces that Cubie is the winner of the talent show. Cubie notes two lights coming towards Dodecahelen, its the Nucleoid Missiles. She uses her psychic powers to turn them around to their point of origin, blowing up the C.L.I.N.T.T.S and incinerating the thousand C.L.I.N.T.s aboard. Dodecahelen feels good about herself for the first time. Dodecahelen then spins very quickly, drawing Bargie in with the increased gravity. She then grows legs with 17-inch heels.

Helen joins the Federated Alliance, the crew praise Nermut for connecting so well with her. Nermut is worried about the bean, it is still cracking. They promise to send the bean. Nermut doubts they'll send the bean. They hang up on him and agree to not send the bean. C-53 resumes his recitation of Pi.

## Quotes

"You're a twelve sided ball the size of a planet, how many of us can say that about ourselves?" - Pleck.

Dodecahelen: [About Nermut] "He puts out transmissions of himself singing in the cleaning chamber."

C-53: "I'm sorry, repeat that information please?"

[About the C.L.I.N.T ship exploding] "The only consolation is that as they are dying they are probably really happy to watch the other ones die." - Nermut

"Bada Bing Bada Boom! Toot toot toot!" Bargie

"Don't promo this right now." - Cubie

"Look at these getaway sticks!" - Helen

## Trivia

* Rolphus Tiddle's mentor was named Rax Rellious.
* Helen's parents were twelve polygons. Their names were: Eepi, Leeeey, Two, Maple, Mallard, Fourtwentysix, Tenzy, Perchbop, Qu'pa, Abba, Elba, Flipper. They are from a time before names.
* Helen's sixth side doubles as a projection screen.
* Holo stars that have died (set to a song by Corn LaClange): Pill Pill M'Parma, Nigel Twenty Three, Illi McIlli Mcill, Time, Bulldog the Big Cat.
* Dar reveals her passion for dancing and performs a tap dance to *We're In the Kroons.*
* C-53 is so excited to share his talent of reciting pi to 10,000 digits he mistakenly states that he didn't even get to the 100th digit before being interrupted. He actually made it to the 123rd digit (or 122nd decimal). When he resumes later, he picks up at the 115th digit (114th decimal) and continues through to the 135th digit (134th decimal).
* Bargie's random "7867" digits for pi are actually the 233rd through the 236th digit of pi, an unexpectedly early appearance for a random set of 4 digits.
* Nermut's alter ego, the singer/performer Bermut Nundaloy, is first revealed. He sings two songs: *This One Goes Out* and *Speeder Ride*. The latter song later appears on the album Bermiful Nelodies.
* Dodecahelen's poem title: Twelve Days, Twelve Wishes, Ten Months.
* Bargie hasn't hosted anything since the Ku Ku awards.

## Music and Poetry

### This One Goes Out, as performed by Bermut Nundaloy

> *This one goes out to the fans on Rangus 1*
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> *I hold up my hands*
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> *And I hold up my bird feet*
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> *This one goes out to the fans on Rangus 1*
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### We're In the Kroons, Unknown Artist

> *One, two, three, four*
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> *Looks like we're in the Kroon*
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> *One, two, three, four*
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> *Looks like we're in the Kroon*
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> *(boop boop boop)*
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> *One, two, three, four*
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> *Look up and down, look all around,*
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> *Looking everywhere*
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> *Looks like we're in the Kroon*
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> *Looks like we're in the Kroon*
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### Sad song, as performed by Corn LaClange

> *My (something something) view*
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> *When the nebula is blue*
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> *And another cycle goes by*
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> *Not a tear fell from my eye*
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> *So, when the moon is up real high*
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### Speeder Ride, as performed by Bermut Nundaloy

> *Got a long speeder ride, hopping on my speeder*
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> *Gonna ride it, ride it*
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> *Got a long speeder ride, gonna ride it*
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> *Speeder, long time*
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> *All night, all night*
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> *Speeding on it, speeder, it’s a ride*
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> *Speeding on this speeder, it's a ride*
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> *Speeding on a speeder cuz I'm Bermut Nundaloy*
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### Twelve Days, Twelve Wishes, Ten Months, as performed by Helen and Cubie

> *(Helen) As I spin, I think of you mom,*
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> *As I lie flat, I think of you 2nd Dimension*
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> *(Cubie) As I do this, I think of all of the galaxies that have come and gone*
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> *I'm Cubie.*
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> *(Helen) Boom. This is who I am.*
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> *I go down. I go down. I go down. Splash.*
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> *(Cubie) And that’s a wish*
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> *(Helen) Get ready. Get on your feet. This girl's about to beat.*
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> *One wing. One flipper. Two knives.*
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> *(Cubie) Cubie's trying it on for size.*
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## Credits

### **Voice actors**

C-53 - Jeremy Bent

Pleck Decksetter - Alden Ford

Dar - Allie Kokesh

Nermut Bundaloy - Seth Lind

Bargarean Jade - Moujan Zolfaghari

C.L.I.N.T. and Cubie - Winston Noel

Dodecahelen - Caitlin Puckett

### **Production**

Edited - Seth Lind

Recorded - Braund Studios by Shane O'Connell

Sound Design and Mix - Shane O'Connell

Music - Brendan Ryan

Additional Music - Dee Yan-Key

Opening Crawl Narration - Jeremy Crutchley

Ship Design - Eric Geusz