Phallica

Phallica is the name of the water-surrounded continent on which the campaigns take place. Phallica is divided into multiple regions, inhabited by different races and consisting of a variety biomes.

## History

Phallica's exact age is unknown. Legends tell of its creation eons ago by the great gods, Prostaticus and Frank the Fingerer, but modern mages dispute these myths, despite having little to no information regarding the continent's origin. At the time of the party's first adventure, Phallica's calendar sits in its Third Era, 103rd year.

Phallica was initially mapped by cartographers sometime during the First Era. However, the map in no way resembles the current shape of Phallica; this older map depicts a very orderly continent, with no specific geographical shape. The current map of Phallica was generated in mid stages of the Second Era. The continent's shape is considered by its inhabitants to be completely normal, despite being clearly phallic in nature. Superstitious inhabitants believe that the shape of the continent was a sort of agreement between Prostaticus and Frank the Fingerer: a melding of chaos and nonsense with order and reason.

Phallica is defined by three "eras" in which significant events cause a great change to the continent and its inhabitants.

###  First Era

The First Era is defined as the beginning of known life on Phallica. This is the longest era, spanning hundreds of millenia. Its exact length is undefined, as it is unknown exactly when life first appeared on Phallica, with recorded history from the first signs of intelligent life occurring in the later stages of the Era.

None of the modern races were confirmed to exist at this time; only one race existed: the mysterious beings mages refer to simply as the Old Ones. The exact appearance of the Old Ones is unknown. The only information modern mages have about the Old Ones comes from the ruins of their civilizations and the occasionally found technology of the race. In short, the Old Ones were extremely technologically advanced and utilized magic to a far greater degree than current mages have realized. Some of the Old Ones' civilization was discovered today, buried underground or occasionally on the surface, but the majority of the Old Ones' seemed to inhabit what mages called Disjoint Cities. The Old Ones' created technology that would allow for passage into alternate realities in which the Old Ones would construct their spanning cities. Some of their technology has been recovered today, and the artifacts are hailed as holy relics and occasionally items of great power, reserved for those of the highest respect and ability. Their civilization no longer exists today, but mages have surmised their civilization likely resembled a utopia of sorts. Recovered written documents depict society that acted on an orderly system, with all beings acting as equals to one another but assigned different roles. The Old Ones have seemingly disappeared (or, perhaps, have been eradicated) in the event known as The Great Opening, which also defines the end of the First Era.

Little is known about The Great Opening, as the Old Ones did not seem to survive to document its details, and information about it can only be derived in implications found from multiple geographic studies and the ruins of the Old Ones. Mages have surmised that the great opening was some sort of catastrophic event, most likely magic in nature, that greatly altered Phallica and its life. An enormous deal of magical residue was found at geographic center of Phallica in the shape of an column ascending into a funnel into the sky. The lingering magic that still moves around the area travels from the top of the funnel to the ground, where it burrowed incredibly deep into the continent and spread out like tendrils to all ends of Phallica. Since this event occurred so long ago and magic decays over time, the fact that residue still lingers to the current day implies the magic was immensely powerful, far more than any known magical manifestation. This form of magic is unlike that of the Old Ones' technology; this magic, which is the form of magic utilized by modern mages, is far more volatile and difficult to control than the Old Ones'. Mages surmise that this magic may have been new to the continent, but this is unconfirmed. It is unknown what exactly caused this clearly different manifestation of magic to occur, but mages hypothesize that the conflict of the magic of the Old Ones with the magic of this manifestation may have caused an extremely powerful anomaly, one that could have had catastrophic consequences

This anomaly may not have directly caused the disappearance of the Old Ones, but may have had other dire consequences. Because the First and Second Era depictions of Phallica are wildly different, mages believe the magical influx, based on its rooting in the continent and immense power, could have cause the entire geography of Phallica to shift to its current state. Additionaly, examining the Disjoint Cities of the Old Ones' has revealed clear signs of destruction. The former cities of the Old Ones appear to have been attacked, either destroyed by the Old Ones themselves or by another entity. Traces of the form of the chaotic form of magic from the Great Opening was discovered all around the ruins of the cities, implying the event had a significant role in the disappearance of the Old Ones. No evidence of any surviving Old Ones has been discovered to this day.

###  Second Era

Dated to sometime after the disappearance of the Old Ones, a sudden influx of intelligent life begun to spring up in multiple regions around Phallica. Mages define this loss of the Old Ones and influx of life to be the Second Era.

The majority of the modern races appeared during the Second Era, with the Dwarves and Gnomes appearing midway through the Era. Each race grew to technological ability within only a few millennia, and great cities began to appear around Phallica. Early encounters among the races were mostly peaceful, but violent conflicts occurred over early land disputes. After centuries of conflict, the leaders of the races began to surface, and efforts were made to unify Phallica in a cooperative alliance for the benefit of the races. The High Elves, Wood Elves, Orcs, and Humans began to cooperate, forming trading pacts and sharing technology under the name of the Phallica Alliance. This initiated a golden age of growth and technology, and the majority of modern knowledge and technology was accumulated. Around this time, the inhabitants of Phallica began to learn of the Old Ones, stumbling upon powerful artifacts and their ruins. Small disputes were made over ownership of the powerful items, but no official conflicts ever began.

Some centuries after, the races of the Dwarves and the Gnomes seemed to appear from the woodwork. Bringing technology and knowledge of their own, they joined the Phallica Alliance. Despite recognition from the leaders of each race, the Dwarves and Gnomes were met with some initial discrimination. They were viewed as outcasts, sometimes even deformed mutants, by members of some societies of all races. In time, they found their place in the world, with Gnomes being highly regarded as intellectuals and Dwarves as engineers. Total peace was achieved for a time while Phallica prospered for decades, until a single encounter shattered the peace of the land. To this day, the resulting conflict will be known as the Great War.

####  The Great War

In the Second Era, Year 4200, race relations between the Orcs and Gnomes were at an all time low. Following a severe land dispute that escalated to violence, Orc and Gnome leaders met to sort out matters. The Orc leader at the time, Logros Skullfucker, was known for being particularly irritable, and his relationship with the Gnomes was shakey at best. The Gnome King, Pinkles Scufflenuts III, was notably rash and unpopular. His place of power was the result of a controversial, seemingly rigged election. His lack of professionalism and repeated pleas to "build a wall" caused other world leaders to view him incompetent and occasionally dangerous.

Logros met with Pinkles in the Orc capital of Orkadelphia. In the course of negotiations, Pinkles made repeated comments about the poor state of the city and its poverty, and he mentioned how the Gnome capital was "yuge" and, with a small loan of a million gold, he could help Logros improve Orkadelphia. As the conversation went on and no diplomatic conclusions were reached due to Pinkles' rambling, Logros became increasingly angry. Finally, Logros gave Pinkles' an ultimatum: leave the Orc land, or official war will be had. Pinkles took this as an immediate declaration of war. Pinkles immediately screamed "GO BACK TO THE BADLANDS!" and drew a dagger, going for a cheap shot. Having seen countless battles compared to Pinkles' inexperience, Logros immediately deflected Pinkles and decapitated him with a battle axe. Logros saw this as an invitation to exterminate the Gnomes that he hated more than anything. Logros officially declared war and marshaled an army to march on the Gnome homeland, Schitt-Stayne.

As news of the murder spread across Phallica, the Gnomes immediately sought aid against the coming invasion.

(Fill in story as I figure out races)

### Third Era

With the Great War finally at an end, Phallica sought to repair the destruction that was reaped across the land. An incomprehensible amount of damage was done to both relations and the world itself. As all factions licked their wounds, a new, unsteady peace was found.

The Gnomes did what they could to repair the damage to their homeland, but centuries of work only helped so much. Gnomes sought refuge in the various cities until they had a home to return to. Over time, all factions once more managed to cooperate, and the leaders vowed to avoid such a conflict ever again. A new age of advances were had, as the conflict inspired the creation of a great deal of technologies, once used for destruction but re-purposed for good. Growth amidst the ashes began, and with it, the story of the first adventurers begins.

## Regions

The continent of Phallica contains a diverse number of regions inhabited by different races.

* Sova Scrotia: a mysterious southern swampland inhabited by scattered groups of tribal people, free from the clutches of civilized society.
* Florida: A forested and mountainous region inhabited by Humans.
* Schitt-Stayne: A region consisting of rolling plains, home to the Gnomes, with a mountain range to the north, home to the Dwarves.
* Forbidden Woods: A densely forested, dark portion of Phallica that Elves call their home.
* Badlands: The steppes where Orcs reside.
* Blue Balls Sprawl: A region that shifts from cold plains to snowy mountains in the north, inhabited by the Nords.

## Races

Phallica is home many races of differing appearance and culture.

* Humans: Literally normal humans. Nothing special here.
* Orcs: Bulky, green skinned creatures with a tribal and shamanic culture. Known for their prowess in physical combat.
* Elves: Pointy-eared beings that place great focus on race and family ancestry. Known for their abilities as hunters and thieves.
* Dwarves: Stout, hardy folk who are rarely no more than 5 feet tall, yet show the strongest pride in Phallica. Known for their abilities as engineers and resilience in battle.
* Gnomes: Small people with high pitched voices who always stand less than 4 feet tall. Known for their many magical inventions and affinity as mages.
* Nords: An isolated group of people that resemble taller humans, though wary outsiders to their country. Known for racism.