2014 Power Rankings-Week 2

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*Posted 9/10/14 at 6:26pm*

Well, to say the first week of the season has been a roller
coaster ride would be the understatement of the century. As Commissioner of this
league I feel I have a duty to not only you, the owners, but to the fans as
well. And that’s why I have decided that Ray Rice is henceforth banned from
this league. Money Manziel ownership has since released Rice from their roster
and needless to say he will not be starting for anyone in 2014.

This time next week I might be the only commish standing,
with Goodell currently inquiring as to the availability of Saddam Hussain’s old hideout bunker. But
regardless of who is running the real league, this fantasy league will roll on.
And thus, we concentrate on where the teams stand after the first week.

All four teams who missed the playoffs last season lost this
week, while last year’s 6th place team put up one of the worst point
totals in the history of the entire league.

1.) 1. PeytonInThePlayoffs
– PITP is living up to its name already. Massive offensive showing this week,
in no small part due to the Stafford/Johnson hook up that no one should have
allowed this team to draft. Another great start to what will surely be a
promising year followed by heartbreak.

2.) 2. Ma
ma momma said – In the closest margin of victory ever seen (0.02, no that’s not
a typo), mmms eeked a win but also put up huge points. Mmms must have felt a
little out of their comfort zone going in to a fantasy matchup for the first
time since 2011 without Drew Brees. Unfortunately for the rest of the league, Manning
is a pretty adequate replacement.

3.) 3. The
Shotti Bunch – The quest to repeat begins. While beating their projections,
Shotti Bunch still has some question marks. Luck and Jennings looked rough
before their second half surges, Dez Bryant was quiet, and their W/T/R flex
spot is still up for grabs.

4.) 4. Papa’s
Posse – In the matchup of 2011 champion PP and 2012 champion MMMS, both came
out winners. Only, one of them lost. 21
points on the bench from Davis had to sting when this team lost by 0.02 on Monday night,
but on the bright side it looks like PP got a lot of value from the draft.
Enough value to make an impact in this league.

5.) 5. Flags
on the Play – Who would have guessed that the best RB to start the season would
be Knowshon Moreno? Thanks to him the Patriots were embarrassed and Flags on
the Play rose to victory in another close week one matchup. This league has
come a long way since 2011, when Morning Woodhead was carried to the Super Bowl
by Ryan Fitzpatrick’s 725 points. Now renamed and with a new will to win, Flags
on the Play appears to have one of the most balanced and playoff ready teams. Could this finally be their year?

6.) 6. Becky
the Icebox – Players were drastically underperforming left and right for Becky the Icebox. Doug Martin got 2 of
his projected 20 points, Romo 17 of his projected 30, and so on all the way
down the list. Week two will really be a test for them. If players continue to
underperform it could be another frustrating middle of the pack season for the
team with the best draft grade.

7.) 7. Money
Manziel – Gambled with Rice. Lost. The Fantasy Gods will punish him
accordingly. Week one was promising, but QB is a big question this week with
Cutler going against a tough SF defense and Newton not at 100%. Tough matchup as they play the Super Bowl rematch against Shotti Bunch. Worth keeping an eye on this one,
especially since it looks like Money is hoping for a big performance out of
Bernard Pierce on Thursday night.

8.) 8. The
Show Offs – I expect better things from this team other than 8th
place. A lot of potential and put on a good show in Week One. But this is a
team that has notoriously not set their lineups during Bye Weeks and once went
on a league worst 13 game losing streak, so I am not ready to give this guy
props. Either he or Papa’s Posse will get their first win this week. Both
desperately need (and deserve) one. After that we will know where Show Off stands.

9.) 9. Winter
Soldiers – Since making the Super Bowl in 2012, WS has gone on a 2-14 streak
and got hit hard with the underperformance bug this week. Is Charles a bust?
Will Brady get the protection he needs to put up numbers like a few years ago
or has he fallen off the elite tree and hit every defensive lineman on his way
down? Promising starts from late drafted players are making up for the crap
starts from the players taken early. If they all get
going at once this team could win a game…but let’s not count on it.

10.10. IAMGROOT – Four Starters put up less than 10
points in a league where it is nearly impossible to score under 10 points.
Amendola looks like a WR4 option for Brady, Jackson is hurting from a
lackluster QB, and the injury to Lacy take away the elite status of one of the
best draft picks. There is a silver lining for this team. On the bench, players put up massive numbers. Steve Smith
lit it up with 37 and Hopkins has 28.9. There is talent here, but it is a shot
in the dark who to start which week.

Starting next week I will be starting up some new sections to the power rankings and spicing things up a little bit. But this week was so goddamn exhausting I just did not have it in me. Plus everyone is just going to skim through this and then go back to check ESPN to see if Goodell has been decapitated yet.