2022 Power Rankings-Week 6

## Introduction

When you've won four in a row, you start to feel like you'll never lose again.

When you've lost four in a row, you start to feel like you'll never win again.

But the last undefeated team was defeated. The last winless team has won. And now a third of the season is behind us and we enter into the minefield of bye weeks.

More importantly, this weekend I got to attend a beautiful ceremony for Pain Train and his new wife, Mrs. Pain Train. I knew they were meant to be when halfway through the evening, while everyone was enjoying themselves on the dance floor, both of them came at me through the crowd and shouted "CHOO CHOO" while yanking on an invisible train horn.

The highlight of the night was when Mrs. Pain Train told me they share the Yahoo email account and all day her phone goes off with email notifications "trade rejected," "trade rejected," "trade rejected." The actual wedding was a distant second highlight.

And now we come to the tough part of the writeup. The part where I tell you all that unfortunately, my invitation to Shotti's wedding got lost in the mail. Now I know what you are all thinking: didn't Matt's invitation to Stupid Idiot's wedding also get lost in the mail? Yes. This is now the second such instance of this happening. I am convinced the USPS has an agenda against me. It makes perfect sense that Pain Train's invite would make it to me, he worked for USPS for many years. I don't know what exactly the conspiracy is, only that one exists.

At the end of the day, 8 out of the 10 people in this league are now married for the first time. Zach, clock is ticking pal. And the only person who is not legally married is, in a strange twist, Papa. We all know Papa enjoys the bachelor life and has been getting plenty of action over the years because he gets fucked long and hard by the stiff dick of fantasy football every Sunday afternoon.

Anyway, congrats to the newlyweds (of which there are many) and let's move on to football.

## Matchup Recap

* RIPDab wins their 4th straight and usurps Duck Punchers (7-10). **Next Matchup: Week 8**
* Pain Train makes a statement and has now won five of their last six against The Shotti Bunch (7-10). **Next Matchup: Week 9**
* Momma saves her season with a Monday night comeback against Sweet Dee (10-6). **Next Matchup: Week 11**
* The Stupid Idiots evens up the franchise series in a high-scoring affair with Paddock 9 (5-5). **Next Matchup: Week 14**
* Mattness commits elder abuse and beats up on Papa's Posse (14-6). **Next Matchup: Week 12**

## Stat Chat

* Mattness sets the record for most regular season wins against a single opponent (13) and most combined wins against a single opponent (14).
* RIPDab becomes the 4th team to reach 80 regular season wins.
* RIPDab becomes the 3rd team to break 200 points in 90 regular season games.
* Pain Train becomes the 4th team to break 200 points in 100 combined games.
* With their 31st week in last place, Paddock 9 has guaranteed that they will hold the record for most weeks in last for at least the next ten months.
* Last season, P9 was in last place with 986.12 points. A full tank later, and P9 is currently in last place with 988.15 points (a gain of 2.03 points).
* Duck Punchers becomes just the 2nd team to be 4-1 to start a season without scoring over 1,000 points. The other team? Duck Punchers...in 2014 (4-1 with 969.25 points). If memory serves, they won it all that year.
* Mattness has the best game of all time for a team that did not score over 300 points.

## Longest Winning Streak to Start a Season

Updated 10/9/22

A few things jumped out at me here.

* Momma, in 12 years, has never started a season 2-0.
* Not only has Stupid Idiots never started 2-0, they've only won opening day a single time? I had to go back to my opening day standings chart to confirm that because it didn't seem real.
* I thought for sure Shotti would be near the top of this list with all the great seasons he's had, but he ranks just 8th in season-opening win streaks with four 2-0 starts but no 3-0 starts to speak of.
* Sweet Dee having a longer streak than 15 other teams speaks volumes to her September momentum anomaly.
* RIPDab starting 7-0 in 2013 and not winning the championship. We may need to dig deeper into that one.

## Longest losing streaks to start a season by team

There was a moment, albeit brief, where I thought we might see the first winless team in LOC. But Mattness pulled off a huge win and luckily doesn't touch his record, which holds for at least another year.

Idiots...never started 2-0, never started 0-2. I guess you take the good with the bad.

## 4-0, 0-4

Now that the streaks to start the season are all broken, let's take a look at the history of 4-0 and 0-4 teams. Does Duck have a chance to finish as the worst 4-0 team ever? Could Mattness be the best?

### History of 4-0 Teams

While Duck's low scoring through five weeks doesn't really reflect his 4-1 record, it would be really difficult for him to go 2-7 the rest of the way in order to complete the season worse than Big Sacks in 2011. That type of monumental collapse will likely never be seen again. Right?

### History of 0-4 Teams

The 299 from Mattness in week five was promising, and today they have a huge projected lead over Sweet Dee. But does this team have what it takes to go just 4-5 to end the season and finish above JarJar's record from 2017? It would also likely take an above .500 finish at this point for Mattness to have a shot at the playoffs, meaning this week's expected "easy" victory is a necessity for them to keep any hopes away.

## Above and Below

It's officially a thing that RIPDab drafts underachievers.

## Absolute Standings

### Combined Absolute Standings

299 isn't enough to move Mattness out of the bottom as the other shitty teams also played well or secured upset victories in week 5.

## Power Rankings-Week 6

I can't do it anymore. I have to rank Shotti first. Sorry guys.

### 1 (2). Pain Train

72 points from Josh Allen the same day his opposition got the first sub-projection day out of Lamar Jackson. Pain Train came with that "about to be married" energy in week five and somehow managed 246 without his three best RBs. But danger looms as now he suffers another loss: Davante Adams might be locked up for life due to that vicious, deadly shove to a cameraman last week. First you let rapists like Deshaun Watson play, now murderers too? Shameful.

### 2(1). The Shotti Bunch

Maybe they should change Miles Sanders' name to Inches Sanders because he came up well short of his projection in week five. Elsewhere, is it time to get concerned about DeebOhNo Samuel? He had 9 targets but just two catches for 20 yards, getting bailed out by a TD. Actually, as soon as I start saying negative shit about Shotti he will play well again so yay, good job Shotti! You're the best!

### 3(3). RIPDab

Nate is 9th in the league in total points against, a sure sign that his most competitive matchups may lie ahead. But he still ranks 4th in total points scored and has taken care of the teams in front of him, which bodes well for playoff chances. Only two teams that started 4-1 or better missed playoffs: Big Sacks in 2011 and...oh shit...RIPDab in 2019. Uhhhh, quick, Nate, unread that!

### 4(5). Papa's Posse

Nothing is free in life. Papa may be fathered in to a lifetime of free entry into LOC due to the massive amount of debt owed by Commish, but he still ends up paying the iron price by getting his ass beat 1-2 times a season by Multiverse of Mattness. This week, Papa put up a respectable 226 off the might of Josh Jacobs and the keeper due of Brady/Williams. But the real test will be this week against 4-1 Duck.

### 5(4). Duck Punchers

We're still waiting for the statement game from Duck but so far the only statements that've been issued are "overrated" and "undeserving of a 4-1 record based off average weekly points scored." Those are his team's words, not mine. The Football Sun God Amon-Ra was a real St. Downer coming back from injury, and Terry McClaurin is earning the nickname Scary Terry by scoring frighteningly few fantasy points. Is CeeDee on the Lam because I haven't seen him in a long time. Did Jerry Jeudy get ass reduction because his Big Booty has come up mighty small. But one silver lining to this playlist: Etienne seems to have taken over the backfield in Jacksonville, Walker is now RB1 in Seattle, and Dame Pierce is frontrunner for Offensive Rookie of the Year. The RB corp here is booming.

### 6(7). The Stupid Idiots

They should call him Alvin Camera because his performance was picture perfect last weekend, providing Idiots with the spark they needed to overcome the best performance of the week for a losing team. Idiots has been unpredictable this season with a 287-point win followed by a 151-point loss and now another big win. The big news of the week here: Idiots is making yet another change at QB. They will start a league-high fourth different quarterback this week in Geno Smith, who has been a stud so far. Being completely genuine, Geno Smith has been one of the best comeback stories in the league so far and I truly hope he keeps this up, even if it means Idiots gets better.

### 7(6). Sweet Dee

Verbal Meme: Michael Scott is Sweet Dee. She turns around and there is Toby AKA October, and she screams "Oh God NO!" Now before I go spouting off about how much this team sucks once the leaves start changing colors, let me go ahead and remind everyone that I have zero faith in the 80-point projected victory my team has over Dee this week. Z-E-R-O. And that's not just me trying to avoid the jinx. Sweet Dee has just 58 total wins and 30% of them are against one of the DiGennaro boiz. Dee owns the Diggs.

### 8(8). ma ma momma said

Monster come-from-behind victory against Sweet Dee on MNF thanks to 50.38 from Patrick Mahomes and now the league is on notice because Jared is home from his three-week European honeymoon. For a guy who claims to be an American citizen, I'm almost positive he has spent more fantasy football weeks overseas than in the States. It makes you wonder about his allegiance.

### 9(10). Multiverse of Mattness

Saying things are going "According to plan" wouldn't really be accurate. But certain players who seemed like potential busts are coming around now that the offenses are finding themselves. Breece Hall does seem to be a decent second-round pick, Mooney's raw talent may be starting to overpower the true shittiness of Justin Fields, and wow...Gabe Davis, take a fucking bow. 52 points off just 3 catches. Randy Moss vibes. The best news of all though: Brian RobinSeason has arrived.

### 10(9). Paddock 9

This is bad. Really bad. Paddock 9 had already started selling by this point last season, moving Hopkins, CEH, and Mooney all before week 5. Now, with a full team that they drafted with all their picks, they are just two points improved from 2021. Does bad luck play a factor? Sure. They've scored 0.75 points more than Duck Punchers, with three fewer wins. But they also haven't performed well. This week they're going to give Eno Benjamin and Raheem Mostert a try and hope they can keep up with Aaron Jones and Joe Mixon.

## Matchup of the week

Surprisingly enough the best matchup on paper is the 2011 Glory Bowl rematch of Duck vs. Papa. They have the best combined record of all five showdowns and Duck's defense got his projection up to within 15 early in the week. Now momma vs. Shotti is projected to within 3 points, but Duck vs. Papa is the only matchup of two teams currently in a playoff position. A good game could vault Papa up to 4th place depending on how other games go, while another poor performance could drop Duck all the way down to 5th.