Cryptozoology

**Cryptozoology** is defined as the search for and study of animals whose existence is wholly unsubstantiated. The supposed creatures which this pseudoscientific field studies are referred to as "cryptids". Unlike Zoology and Paleontology, Cryptozoology is not an accredited study and field.

## Definition

In layman's terms, cryptozoology is the study of animals that do not exist. This does not refer to the *interesting* sort of animals that do not exist, such as dragons, bear-cat hybrids or *Brontosaurus* which fire lazers from their eyes, but rather to creatures which proponents of the field refer to as "cryptids", derived from the Greek word for "hidden". Famous examples of cryptids are bigfoot, the Loch Ness monster and mothman, though the term also applies to extinct species which cryptozoologists purport still exist. An unfortunately popular example is the shark *Otodus megalodon*.

## Why is it pseudoscience?

Cryptozoology does not fit the scientific method. The claims proponents make are unfalsifiable, and are based on assumptions, anecdotal accounts or blurry footage. More scientific attempts at uncovering cryptids, such as the use of eDNA, have turned up no sign of the Loch Ness monster, not any empirical evidence of yetis. There's a point where one must accept that New Guinea does not have glowing, grave-digging pterosaurs. As a final note, many of the propagators of cryptozoology are actually Young Earth Creationists, specifically those who view the Book of Genesis as pure fact.

## Debunking individual cryptids

The author imagines that this particular section will be controversial to some, but someone has to do it.

### Bigfoot

Ecologically speaking, there is no way that an entire species of bigfoots could survive in the North American wilderness without being discovered and scientifically described. Practically every inch of the continent has been explored by now, and satellite footage has the rest covered. Bigfoot proponents suggest that *Gigantopithecus* is the ancestor of bigfoot, despite the fact that few similarities between them exist: they're both apes (in bigfoot's case, supposedly), but that's as far as the connection goes. It is a safe assumption that cryptozoologists only use *Gigantopithecus* to grab peoples' attention. The same goes for the yeti, the yeren, and all other such puported creatures.

### Loch Ness Monster

The first sighting of the Loch Ness Monster was shortly after the release of the popular film *King Kong* in 1933. Initial descriptions ranged from amorphous blobs to a weird camel-like creature, until the memetic mutation of the thing culminated in a heavily outdated depiction of a plesiosaur. The Loch Ness monster could not exist in Loch Ness, not because it is a freshwater environment—indeed, freshwater plesiosaurs *are* known—but because there would not be enough food or space to support an entire breeding population. For those who propose that the Loch Ness monster looks so different because it spends most of its time in deeper waters, the author of this article—a major contributor to Wikipedia's *Abyssosaurus nataliae* article, would like to remind you that it exists. No reports of the Loch Ness monster mention unnaturally large eyes, an extremely abbreviated skull, or hind flippers longer than foreflippers.

### Living megalodon sharks

Cryptozoologists and uninformed members of the general public often claim that the shark *Otodus megalodon* may still be alive in the deep ocean, citing supposed sightings of giant sharks, misdated tooth fossils and even a series of Discovery Channel mockumentaries as evidence. This is perhaps the one that the author is best qualified to answer, so here are three reasons why megalodon is most definitely *not* alive:

1. *Otodus megalodon* was a surface-dwelling fish, likely spending much of its time around the coast. It actually bred in these areas, and we know this because we have enough fossilized teeth from megalodon pups to prove this.
2. The much-loved "99% of the ocean is unexplored" excuse is, in two words, utter garbage. Most of this space consists of oceanic dead zones, so far from land and most sources of nutrition that nothing lives there. The rest has been surveyed by satellites and the occasional boat; why would there not have been a megalodon attack on the latter?
3. Giant baleen whales exist. It is believed based on the available data that baleen whales have become so large due to the *extinction* of megalodon. Large toothed whales coexisted with it, but baleen whales were its prey. Besides, there would be obvious signs of an attack: bite marks and jagged wounds obviously not caused by propellers.

And yet, despite all of this, cryptozoologists purport that megalodon is still alive in the deep ocean, citing megamouth sharks and giant squids as proof. However, megamouth sharks are filter-feeders with a very slow metabolism, while giant squids are an entirely different story. For a megalodon shark to survive in the deep ocean, it would be so radically different that calling it a megalodon would be completely wrong. It would probably have diverged very early from other megalodons, so would likely be a different *genus*, let alone species, by the 21st century.

### Ropen

This creature's supposed existence was initially proposed based on a record by biologist and entomologist Evelyn Cheeseman, who was an evolutionist. However, the main proponent of the ropen, Jonathan Whitcomb, is a Young Earth Creationist. He believes that the ropen is a late-surviving pterosaur with bioluminescence, which digs up graves. No Late Cretaceous pterosaur matches this description, and it overall sounds more like outdated depictions of an outdated "pterodactyl". Funnily enough, the only other large animal suggested to dig up graves, the giant armadillo, has since been found *not* to do this, so besides grainy footage of frigatebirds and eyewitness testimonies, Whitcomb doesn't have a leg to stand on.

### Mokele-mbembe

The *mokele-mbembe*, often cited by Young Earth Creationists as evidence of late-surviving sauropod dinosaurs, which *supposedly* disproves evolution, is probably a mixture of legend, elephant sightings, and efforts to gain money and tourist interest by fooling visitors to the Congo. The Youtuber Trey the Explainer did an in-depth video on the *mokele-mbembe* and other purported Congolese dinosaurs, which the author implores more interested readers to watch.

## Cryptids which have turned out to be real

There are just a couple of instances where cryptozoologists have been proven right about something. In either case, the creatures reported were nowhere near as exotic as cryptozoologists would like to make it sound; both Komodo dragons and the saola are examples of this. While Komodo dragons are subjectively the best lizards in existence (in the author's opinion), they're hardly living non-avian dinosaurs. *Birds*, on the other hand ...

## What could be causing the sightings?

As this article has explained, a vast majority of cryptids almost certainly do not exist. But why is this? "Why are there no living non-avian dinosaurs? Why are there no twenty-foot-tall spiders? Why can I not have my glow-in-the-dark Ropen™ Toy?" Patience, dear reader, patience. It's because the world, as big and as vast as it may be, simply does not have the resources for such creatures. I'll analyze these step-by-step:

1. During the K-Pg Mass Extinction, 75% of all life became extinct, with almost everything over 10 kg becoming extinct. The exceptions to this rule were all aquatic, or at least semi-aquatic. While it isn't totally impossible for a non-avian dinosaur to have survived the extinction and for its lineage to have persisted for a few more millions of years (a palaeontologist's dream!), they would not be alive today, due to competition with mammals, birds and reptiles.
2. There is simply not enough oxygen to support larger insects than what we have today. Prehistoric oxygen levels like those seen in the Carboniferous spawned the Earth's largest terrestrial invertebrates, but even the biggest of those, the myriapod *Arthropleura*, was only up to 2.5 metres long. Both their respiratory system and exoskeletons hold the invertebrates back from bigger and better things.
3. Such a creature would most definitely have been found by now. Glow-in-the-dark pterosaurs, while admittedly an incredibly cool concept, are simply impractical. Not only would they make it incredibly easy for predators to find their targets (which is bad enough for their own survival), but they would also give away their positions to any potential *prey*.

Overall, suitable conditions for the more extravagant cryptids simply do not exist. A sad truth, one which we must *all* face, is that not one of these creatures exists. This should provide us with the impetus to protect the species we already have. But on that topic, what could explain some of these cryptids? Well, it's simple. This planet has some very strange species, many of which we already know about. The truth behind some of these stories is truly bizarre:

* Stories of sea-serpents are inspired by either marine megafauna or whale carcasses.
* Antiquated depictions of the Kraken seem inspired by whales, while the more recent (the 1700s onwards) interpretation seems to be inspired by giant squid carcasses.
* The sirens of Greek myth, as well as mermaids, may simply have been inspired by sea cows.
* The Ningen can be explained as a blurry image of a baby seal.

Except for the last example, many of these creatures can be given rational explanations, without dragging undiscovered species into it; those which cannot may simply be considered myths. There is simply not enough room on this Earth for such creatures to hide.

## Conclusion

Overall, cryptozoology is unfalsifiable, untestable, based on unreliable data, and is effectively the study of things that do not exist. How shows such as *Finding Bigfoot* and *MonsterQuest* secured funding, the author does not understand.