BSCMC 008: Jessi and the Jewel Thieves

The episode for "Jessi and the Jewel Thieves" was originally released on April 22, 2019 and is Mystery #8. **You can listen to it here.** This episode is 1:00:18 long.This week's ghostwriter: Ellen Miles.

*Previous:* BSCMC 007: Dawn and the Disappearing Dogs | *Next:* BSCMC 009: Kristy and the Haunted Mansion | *Or,* see all episodes.

## Official Episode Description

This week, Jessi and Quint break it off. But not before they harass two master actors and probable lovers by accusing them of crimes and stalking them across New York City. Meanwhile, the boys talk fatherhood, the boys that make them horny, the Nickelodeon show Doug, old Don Hertzfeld shorts, and their mutual friend Gus. (Hi Gus!) Also, Ellen and Ann forgot to put a mystery in this one. Oh well!

## Music Credits

* “Hitchcock Suspense” By JBlanks on Envato Elements
* “Vintage Dramatic Organ” by Sound-Ideas on Envato Elements
* “Serenity” by AllenGrey on Envato Elements
* “Beautiful Darkness” by AllenGrey on Envato Elements
* “Parting Ways” by AllenGrey on Envato Elements
* “Lullaby for Frida” by Stockwaves on Envato Elements
* “The Seduction” by JBlanks on Envato Elements
* “The Piano” by Olexandr Ignatov on Envato Elements
* “Banging’ on a Trash Can” from Doug
* “Comedy Freak Show”by AllenGrey on Envato Elements
* “Transylvania” by lucafrancini on Envato Elements
* Original Intro by Scott Lamb
* Superbrat Outro by Superbrat

## Book Description

Tanner's description is a riff on the movie "Rear Window". They reference Ant Man and the Wasp and Tanner pulls up 60 Second Burger Run again.

## Segments

###  Burn Of The Week

A very good burn
That stings you so right
A knife that doth turn.
It gets in your head
But oh so soon:
It will cause me to call
The burn unit.
—inspired by "The Sick Rose" by William Blake

Tanner's burn is on E.B. White for writing such a boring book in "Charlotte's Web". "Take that, Elwin Brooks." Jack congratulates Tanner on digging deep for the burn.

Jack reads the obvious burn. "I'm a princess, too!" / "Right, Princess Pest!"

Tanner found a new burn: "Sorry, no funnies. The Times is a serious paper. No funnies, or horoscopes, or Ann Landers." / "So what do you read in there?"

###  Delayed...Gratification

This segment was referenced for the first time in many moons this week.

###  Hashtag Swoon

Night and noon
These handsome men who do their worst
Singing their beguiling tune
I find myself immersed in thirst
Or as the youth say
Hashtag swoon
With hashtag vapors
I've been cursed.
—inspired by "She Walks in Beauty"
by Lord Byron

*"Jessi, could I kiss you once more, for old times sake?"*

*I blushed, and nodded.*

*Then Quint leaned over. Just and I was closing my eyes —*

*— I heard a car door slam.*

Quint is very handsome and very nice, hashtag swoon, sympathetic.

*"But first, there's something I meant to do before. Can I do it now?"*

*I closed my eyes and leaned toward him.*

*A door burst open.*

###  Miles Moment

No frowns, no downs this week, only smiles for miles.

###  Poetry Corner

Or are you a mourner?
I don't care
Because it's poetry corner

Vanessa was wondering among the tulips, composing an ode to spring:

How fair their little face are
The flowers of the spring, she muttered to herself
Turned up to catch the sun beams
That the elves and fairies bring

She smiled vaguely when Mal told her the poem sounded nice.

Jack and Tanner compare the poem to Dylan Thomas, Christina Rossetti (not Rosetta Stone), and Edmund Spenser's The Faerie Queene. ("Dork.")

###  Welcome to the Cool School

Or completely unwitting
These questions are going to be
Fairly hard-hitting
Once upon a time
I wondered like a fool
Why we have to rhyme
But here we are:
The school is cool

This is a mashup of Jack's segment "Hard-Hitting Questions" and Tanner's segment "Welcome to the Cool School".

Tanner: "I guess if you wanted cool, you'd choose the Hard Rock Cafe." Jack says, no. ("Buckethead's guitar! Or that guy from Good Charlotte, Benji, here's a shirt he wore on tour!")

Jack's not wearing Hard Rock Cafe, he's wearing No Fear. Tanner's wearing Planet Hollywood. Jack references Big Johnson's.

Jack: "Stacey is so cool." Is hailing a cab cool? Both Jack and Tanner agree that it is not.

Jack: "Pancakes with ketchup." Tanner says this is cool and interesting. Jack's culinary tips of the week: Bisquick is vegan.

## Jack's References

* "Can I tell you a DOS story?" Jack relates a story where he once typed "123" into the command prompt. ("Wow, DOS jokes, we've really been at this a while.")
* Ed McGill is Breaking Bad.
* "Sign of the Dove", not a restaurant in New York, a Biblical restaurant. (Tanner jumps in with an immediate correction: "RESTAURANTS; A Reincarnated Dove, Smaller but Genuine")

## Tanner's References

* Tanner refers to a video where a Cat Person and Dog Person switch pets for the weekend, starring one Jack Shepherd.
* "You can't do court stuff."
* "Bloomies" as a nickname for Bloomingdales.
* "Did you ever watch Doug?" Tanner brings back the "Think Big" ditty from the TV show Doug

## Notes

* Another Dan Brown cover this week. The boys are unimpressed by his style.
* Jack and Tanner relate a story about ordering a tower of Blue Moon at a bar while participating in a Dan Brown book club.
* Hello, Jack and Tanner's friend Gus.
* Screaming Mirror, Mythology, and Think Big as store names.
* "People need beauty in their lives." / "Beauty is truth, truth beauty. That is all". ("The note that I captured is "Jack's definitely horny about this".")

## References & Links

#### Literature

1. ↑ "The Sick Rose" by William Blake: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/43682/the-sick-rose
2. ↑ E. B. White: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E.\_B.\_White
3. ↑ "She Walks in Beauty" by Lord Byron: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/43844/she-walks-in-beauty
4. ↑ Dylan Thomas: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dylan\_Thomas
5. ↑ Christina Rossetti: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christina\_Rossetti
6. ↑ Edmund Spenser's The Faerie Queene: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The\_Faerie\_Queene
7. ↑ RESTAURANTS; A Reincarnated Dove, Smaller but Genuine: https://www.nytimes.com/1999/11/24/dining/restaurants-a-reincarnated-dove-smaller-but-genuine.html; see also NEIGHBORHOOD REPORT: UPPER EAST SIDE; At the Sign of the Dove, a Sign of the Times: https://www.nytimes.com/1998/02/08/nyregion/neighborhood-report-upper-east-side-at-the-sign-of-the-dove-a-sign-of-the-times.html "For fans of the Sign of the Dove, a lavish restaurant on the northwest corner of Third Avenue and 65th Street for 35 years"
8. ↑ Ode on a Grecian Urn, John Keats: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44477/ode-on-a-grecian-urn
#### Culture

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 Think Big from Doug: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9T2d2FRh0BM
2. ↑ Rear Window: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rear\_Window
3. ↑ Ant Man and the Wasp: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ant-Man\_and\_the\_Wasp
4. ↑ 60 Second Burger Run: https://www.coolmathgames.com/0-60-second-burger-run
5. ↑ My Spoon is Too Big: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PONvX6LmAPo
6. ↑ Big Johnson's: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big\_Johnson
7. ↑ Breaking Bad: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breaking\_Bad
8. ↑ Cat Person and Dog Person Switch Pets (video): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJahci6cG6w
#### Music

1. ↑ Buckethead: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buckethead
2. ↑ Good Charlotte: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Good\_Charlotte

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