Clara Ostrich

**Clara Ostrich** (sometimes incorrectly named "Oswald") is a supposedly human 21st Century English teacher who loves to rave to random people about that time she fucked **Jane Austen**. **Clause** somehow manages to convince everyone around her that she is a functioning and good-natured human being when in fact she is a completely awful garbage mess of a person. **Chinny Assville** is a terrible, fucked-up, very dead steaming pile of **Clarke’s.**

Her Auton clone is called **Clastic**. She fucked the clone.

### Aliases

Clazzy Orvald? Who knowsToo many to count, and certainly too many to list here. ‘Corpse’ is one of them.

### Relatives

she has those doesn't she? Well, they're mourning her now, because she’s dead
...

She HAD those DIDN'T she?

are you happy now sam. yes she dead

### Affiliation

No Eyebrows Doccy WhoMuch Eyebrows Doccy Who

All the other Doccy Whos

Demonic Mary Poppins

## Biographical information

### Marital status

River Song's second wifeJane Austen's girlfriend

I honestly don't even know how to label her relationship with the Doctor. Dead.

Sam that is NOT what I meant

### Date of birth

November 23, 1986However many other birthdays all bazillion of her echoes have

### Date of death

she'snotdeadshe'snotdeadshe'snotdeadshe'snotdeadshe'snotdeadshe'snotdeadshe'snotdeadshe's-She is deadSHE'S NOT DEADLY SERIOUS ABOUT ANYTHING

SAM STOP

### Place of death

well TECHNICALLY she never has to die now since Master What has stopped her from being able to go back to Gallifrey so actually she's unkillable and will be laughing at the universe and laws of time for all eternity. but everything ends and also. I hate characters living. so trap streetSam can you let me live in denial please

## Physical description

### Species

human/some sort of frozen, kind of dead, bio-looped abomination

### Eye color

Inflating round saucers. Michelle Gomez has gone on the record to describe them as "unbelievably beautiful" and "huge pools of dark beauty"

**Charcoal** is a known bisexual selfcester and monsterfucker. Her answer to the Would You Fuck Your Clone meme is every affirmative answer, plus seven variations of "I already did." Why do you think she jumped into the Doctor's timestream after **River** told her it would create a million copies of herself?

**Clampearl** will see **Doccy Who** eat dirt and glass like it's an afternoon snack and will immediately start removing her shirt. She will watch as the **Thirteenth Doctor** and **Dhawan!Master** claw at each other and tear each other's eyes out over the last bag of gravel to snack on and be overcome with the urge to jump them both right there.

**Classy Oven** is also known for having an ego big enough to rival that of **Doccy Who**'s. The hypocritical alien in question has labeled her an "egomaniac, needy, game-player sort of person" and a "bossy control-freak."

**Clueless Odinson** is a self-destructive adrenaline junkie. She is a truly chaotic force and she also has a death wish. Also like **the Doctor**, she is an incredible liar and seems to have a physical inability to Not Lie even during times when it is perfectly okay to do so and there is no reason for you to be lying right now **Cheesecake** why are you d oing this (read: habitual liars squad).

**Kinky Olfactory** is more than a little amoral and she has probably killed a man. She is no stranger to identity theft as she will use **Doccy Who**'s and **Master What**'s names whenever she so pleases.

**Clanky** is well-known for collecting and sharing eyeballs with **the Fourth Doctor** - she gets brown, he gets blue.

**Canada Oman** had both **Barbed Wire** and **Ian Shittertin** as teachers. As well as being taught by them in school, **Congo** was lectured in the ins and outs of terrible driving and being a downright asshole by **Barbed Wire** both in and outside of school.

Better known as **Clazzy Orvald,** she is the **Ian Shittertin**/**Sharon Chestfoot** of New Who, and has one too many names.

**Jenny** has an unhealthy obsession with **Clairvoyance**.