The Gang Chronicles/One Too Many Drinks

## Overview

*2016: My girlfriend invited me to her birthday party, and I couldn't be any more thrilled! The only problem is it's in Hyde Park all the way up in Vermont, so she told me I can only bring one guest. I feel like you and me party hard together, and this is the kind of night I never want to forget. How about it? Can you come with me?*

## Prologue

In Hyde Park, it is February 26, 2016. Joe just turned fifteen and she couldn't be more excited! All of her friends are accompanying her while she walks out of school.

Paige: [Passing by] Hey girl! Happy birthday!

Joe: Thanks!

Curtis: 15! Big year, right?

Joe: Not really. Feels like the opposite.

Curtis: Why?

Joe: Well think about it--

Carol: [Cutting her off] Because there's nothing big going on in your life when you're fifteen.

Curtis: How?

Carol: 13 you're a teenager, 14 you graduate middle school, 16 you start driving, 17 you graduate, 18 you're--

Curtis: [Cutting her off] I get the point I get the point, babe.

Carol: So what are you gonna do for your, "not big" birthday?

Joe: Probably grab some dinner with the fam or something I guess.

Justin: [Walking up] Sup birthday girl!

Joe: Hey, Justin.

Justin: You don't look that happy...

Joe: I am, I am!

Justin: Vent out, what happened?

Joe: It's just--

Curtis: She's really upset because she has no big plans for her birthday.

Justin: Throw a party! A huge birthday bash!

Curtis: Are you kidding? Justin we're in high school now. Nobody would come unless there were like.... beer and weed and shit.

Justin: Then tell them it's BYOB.

Carol: What's BYOB?

Curtis: Bring your own booze.

Justin: Exactly Curt.

Joe: But half our grade is like..... 14. Isn't that kinda weird?

Justin: I guess. But you wanna have a party to remember, right?

Joe: Of course, of course.

Deno: [Walking up] What's up guys, I heard y'all talking and figured I'd put some two cents in.

Justin: Joe's sad because she can't have a party.

Deno: Why not?

Carol: Because our grade sucks and won't come unless there's a good reason. Like weed. Or booze.

Deno: Oh, easy peasy. Just ask my brother!

Curtis: That's such a bad idea for so many reasons?

Deno: Nah, man. I'm sure he wouldn't mind.

Curtis: I mean, he doesn't turn 21 until...

Deno: Another year? So what? He's gotten away with it so many times it's crazy.

Curtis: [Shrugs] Well if you insist, Joe?

Joe: Abso-fucking-lutely Deno. Do it.

Carol: [Changing the subject] By the way, Joe, how's your boyfriend?

Joe: He's soooooo good.

Carol: Maybe you should invite him down!

Joe: As much as he loves me, I don't think he'd drive down here just for my birthday....

Carol: Of course he would! If he loved you he'd definitely show up!

Joe: I guess.

Deno: [Hangs up the phone] Just got off the phone with Benny, he said we all good!

Joe: Awesome! Now I gotta invite people!

## A Video Chat

All the way from Autumn Springs, Zack is in his room studying for homework. Suddenly, he gets a Skype call on his laptop from his girlfriend.

Zack: [Opening the call] Hello, love!

Joe: Hey babe! How's my English Muffin tonight?

Zack: Great love, especially today. You won't believe what happened to me.

Joe: [Leaning in] What is it babe?

Zack: So the mother called me today and told me my older brother came back to England with his best friend, and guess what his name was?

Joe: [Already knows the answer but acts dumb] What?

Zack: Joe!

Joe: ["Surprised"] Who wouldv've thought?

Zack: And I was like, whoa I'm dating a girl named Joe.

Joe: [Cutting to the point] Yeah, yeah, babe, that's great. But I got some big news.

Zack: [Interested] What's this about babe?

Joe: Well--

Zack: Ah! Don't tell me! [Thinks] It's about your birthday isn't it?

Joe: [Actually surprised] I actually can't believe you remember!

Zack: How can I forget, babe?

Joe: Yes, about my birthday. I'm having a big party for my fifteenth!

Zack: That's quite strange...

Joe: Howso?

Zack: I take it that here in America that most girls have a big party on their *sixteenth* birthday...

Joe: Ohh, you mean a sweet sixteen? Nah, those are too girly. I usually throw a big party every year and invite my friends, but high school is fun, so we decided to add a little extra something to make it unforgettable.

Zack: [Knows the answer but acts dumb] What could it be?

Joe: [Whispering] Alcohol! [Winks]

Zack: [Didn't see that one coming] Oh?

Joe: Yeah! My friends know a lot of people who can get beer and vodka and stuff over to my house!

Zack: [Scratching his head] Remind me again, love. You're fourteen right?

Joe: Fifteen in a few days! And so what? You're only sixteen anyways!

Zack: [Shrugs] Guess they're starting 'em off young these days...

Joe: Can't you believe we only met in real life once?

Zack: I'll never forget that magical night!

Joe: [Getting back to the point] Which is exactly why I called

Zack: [Confused] Not to re-affirm your undying love for me, love?

Joe: Oh please, Zack! You know I love you! I'm inviting you to my party, silly!

Zack: Isn't that up in.... Vermont?

Joe: Uh, obviously! So, do you think by chance that you can drive up to Hyde Park to celebrate?

Zack: I don't know about that love, it's quite a far trip.

Joe: [Seductively] I don't normally ask twice [Taking off her jacket, revealing a sexy bra] But I'll sweeten the pot for ya!

Zack: [Slams the table] God, woman! I just can't resist you!

Joe: [Laughs sexily] Good, good. So yea, bring a friend with you and come down. February 28, I'll send you the addy then!

Zack: Consider it a done deal!

Joe: [In a sexy tone] I love you

Zack: I love you more [slybrows]

Joe: [Blows a kiss and hangs up the call]

Zack: [Looks down] Oh, hey there lil' fella! Didn't even see ya there. [He gets up and goes to his bed to sleep.... happily]

## Down We Go!

Zack is seen walking home with Erica.

Erica: And so I told him, fuck off!

Zack: He just never learns does he?

Erica: He really doesn't [Sratching her "hair"] And can we walk a bit faster? This fucking wig is killing me.

Zack: Bro.... careful.

Erica: [Looks around] Relax! Nobody's here.

Zack: [Changing the subject] So I have a dilemma.

Erica: [Rolls her eyes and pulls out a checkbook] How much is the car, Zack?

Zack: [Confused] What? No! I don't need money. Well, not yet anyway!

Erica: [Putting it away] So then what's this about?

Zack: My girlfriend, Joe--

Erica: [Disgusted] You're *still* dating her? Zack, she lives like four hours away from this place!

Zack: Leading right into my dilemma! Erica, it's her birthday in two days!

Erica: Okay? Good for her? Why am I involved in this?

Zack: She's gonna have a banger.

Erica: Wait, how old's this girl?

Zack: She's gonna be fifteen.

Erica: A banger at fifteen?! Huh, guess they're startin' em' off young these days.

Zack: That's exactly what I said!

Erica: Okay, London, what's your point?

Zack: She invited me and one other guest to bring with me.

Erica: [Disgusted] Look, Zack, I don't even like this girl, and you want me to celebrate with her?

Zack: What's wrong with Joe?

Erica: [Using fingers] Okay. One, Joe is a boy's name. If you name your daughter Joe, you probably hate yourself. Two. She's like two years younger than me. I don't really feel like going to a freshman party. And three? Zack, she looks like a pig! Your taste in women is actually horrible!

Zack: Oh don't disrespect my girlfriend like that. I really love her, you know.

Erica: If you love her so much, why doesn't she ever visit *you* once in a while?

Zack: Because she's fourteen and her mother doesn't know about us! Or the party.

Erica: I guess, so, I'm so--

Zack: [Arriving at his house, very annoyed] Actually, you know what Erica, forget it. If you don't wanna go with me, I won't by any means force you to. Cheerio.

Erica: [Feeling bad] Zack, wait!

Zack: [Turning around, still annoyed] What, Mader?

Erica: [Giving in] Fuck it, I'll go with you.

Zack: Why the change of heart so suddenly?

Erica: Because I wanna meet the girl you like, Zackie. If you really think she's all gorgeous than you should go for her!

## Shots! Shots! Shots!

Zack: [Absurdely drunk] To fucking Vermont!

Erica: [Tipsy] Woo! [Cheers, the two both drink] Holy fuck, Zack, how much did you drink?

Zack: Seventeen zshots I think? [He coughs] Oh yuh, and like a few beers.

Erica: [Feeling the alcohol kicking in] Wooo! I feel fucking great, you know I'm gonna FaceTime Kendrick right now.

Zack: What? [Coming to senses.... kinda] Nonononono, Erica. You're not wearing your wig!

Erica: Oh relax, he told me he's getting stoned tonight. For all I know I could be Marmalade! [She rings him, he answers] Hey babe!

Kendrick: [High as a kite] Marmalade, why you got my baby's phone?

Erica: [Winking at Zack] Erica wanted me to tell you that she fucking loves you!

Kendrick: I love you too, Eri baby [hits the joint]

Erica: How high are you?

Kendrick: Right now I'm pretty... pretty high up there, but in about ten minutes I'm gone.

Erica: Alright, see ya Kendrick. [She hangs up]

Zack: [Absolutely confused] She-she thought you were..... Marmie?

Erica: I know, right?! Stoners, man. Lemme tell ya!

Zack: Come to think of it... you do kinda look like her...

Erica: [Offended] Zack! That's so-- [Thinks about it] That's actually pretty flattering actually....

Zack: Relax... it's not like I said you were as hot as like... Joe or anything.

Erica: Oh yeah, she's something else!

[A boy comes up to Zack]: You're Joe's Zack, right?

Zack: The one and only. Pardon me, who are you?

Aaron: I'm Aaron, what's good bro?

Zack: What's up man?

Aaron: Yo, the boys and I are taking shots right now and you look like you're tough, come take some.

Zack: [Completely disregarding the fact that he had almost twenty shots, acting as sober as possible] Fuck yea man!

Zack and Aaron go over to a table, where someone is serving shots. Joe is there with her girlfriends.

Joe: Babe! [She makes out with him]

Zack: Hello, love. Where's the vodka?

Joe: I think Rocky has it, right now.

Zack: Who-who's Rocky?

Joe: The one over there. [She points to Rocky, who is chugging straight from the vodka bottle]

Zack: Holy shit! [Rocky finishes Early and the starts pouring his friends some shots. Zack walks up]

Rocky: Zack, buddy! What's up!

Zack: Pour me some of that shit, yo!

Rocky: Yessir! [He pours Zack about three shots worth]

## Ummm....

Everybody is wilding out at Joe's house. Zack and Erica take another drink.

Erica: [Completely wasted] You know what? I'm tired. I'm really fucking tired right now.

Zack: [Even worse than she is] You're telling me. I can barely see straight. You look like Joe right now!

Joe: [Not even buzzed] Babe!

Zack: Nevermind...

Joe: Where have you been? All my friends wanna talk to you!

Zack: W-w-what time is it honey?

Joe: [Looking at her phone] Oh relax, it's like 1:30. We only got an hour left, you big baby! Have fun, it's my birthday! [She grabs Zack by the arm]

Erica: [Sighs] Fuck! I gotta pee! This is like the third time today! [She goes upstairs to the bathroom]

Carol: Do it again! Do it again!

Zack: [Rolls his eyes and gives a slybrow] Cheerio, mate! [The girls laugh] Well ladies, it was great getting to know you.

Melissa: [Very drunk] You should win an award for being so fucking HOT.

Zack: Oh believe me [pulling in Joe] I already won [the two makeout and the girls all squeel]

Sarah: Fuck Joe! You're soooo lucky!

Zack: [Tapping Joe] Pardon me, me-lady but do you happen to know where your washroom is?

Joe: [Confused] What? [Facepalm] Ohhh, the bathroom. Wow, I didn't take a sip of beer and I already feel stupid! It's up there. [To her friend] Yo, can someone get me a beer?

Zack: Thank you, love. [He rushes up. As soon as he opens the door, Erica tries to leave. They gaze into their eyes for a minute]

Erica: Zack.

Zack: Erica.

Erica: [Nervous laughter] Damn I'm sweating.

Zack: Yeah, uh, I gotta take a nice wizz.

Erica: [Gesturing him to go in] Yeah, yeah, take your shit old chap.

Zack: Will do. [Closes the door]

Erica: [After waiting ten seconds, she knocks.]

Zack: Ye-- [Erica pulls him in and they start to make out. Zack pulls her into the bathroom and slams the door. A loud banging can be heard on the door.]

Fifteen minutes pass by and a topless Zack emerges from the bathroom.

Erica: You know, I never knew sex could feel that..... fantastic!

Zack: Me neither, darling. Maybe we should...... find the bed.

Erica: Look, I know this is like a drunken fantasy, but it's not the best idea.

Zack: And tell me why not!

Erica: Because your cheating on your girlfriend with your hot best friend in her bed in her house, and on her birthday!

Zack: And as completely messed up as that sounds, I never really loved her anyway.

Erica: This is so much better than doing it with Kendrick oh my god! [Zack pulls Erica and then Erica throws her on the bed. Zack ejaculates.] Oh so that's why you needed to use the bathroom so badly! [As they make love, everybody else is downstairs singing happy birthday to Joe and eating cake]

Eddie: Make a wish Joe!

Curtis: Come on, blow them out!

Joe: [She blows out her candles and everybody cheers, she had about five beers] Best birthday ever!

Aaron: Joe, you know what would've made this cake taste even better?

Joe: What?

Aaron: Weed vanilla! [The two laugh]

Carol: Hey Joe, where's Zack?

Joe: That's a great question. He's been taking a shit for a while now! [She calls his name] Zaaaack!

Zack: [From upstairs] Yes darling?

Joe: You've been up there for over an hour is everything okay?

Zack: Yeah, yeah, I'll be down in a few, I'm just having fun up here.

Joe: Alrighty.

Deno: Hey, Joe, what happened to that super hot girl Zack brought with him?

Joe: [Shrugs] Guess she must've left. Oh well! She hogged Zack the entire night it's not like she's his girlfriend! I am!

They party on as Zack and Erica make love. It is currently 3:30AM, and the only ones left at the party are Carol and Eddie.

Eddie: Joe, how the fuck did you get such a hot boyfriend? Like, fuck!

Joe: I don't know, Ed. He's such a prince! I love him!

Eddie: Please, please tell me he's bi!

Joe: Don't think so, mate.

Carol: Where is he anyway?

Joe: I have no idea. I think he might've left but I was too drunk to notice...

Carol: [Her phone rings] Shit, that's my mom! [She answers it]

Joe: I think y'all might wanna get going, don't ya?

Carol: [Hangs up] Actually, Joe, can we crash here tonight? My mom's on a business trip...

Joe: Oh.... [Sighs] Sure, I guess. Lemme just go upstairs and make up my bed for you guys. [She goes upstairs. Zack and Erica are sleeping peacefully in her room. She flickers the light on] What the--?!

Zack: [Vibrantly wakes up, Erica is covered by the sheet] Where.... where am I?

Joe: [Sorrowfully] Aww babe, you must've blacked out! I don't blame you. You drank like a horse tonight.

Erica: [Muttering under the sheets] Hoooorse......

Joe: [Suspiciously] What was that?

Zack: I don't know? Must be a TV or something.

Joe: Well, anyway, Carol and Eddie are staying the night. I'll let you sleep here if you want babe?

Zack: [Slybrows] But of course, buttercup.

Joe: [Blushes] Gee... You just wanna get all *rowdy* tonight now, don't ya?

Erica: [Muttering] Rowdy.....

Joe: [Looking around] Okay, I can't be the only one that hears that!

Zack: [Realizing Erica under the sheets] I heard it too. Maybe it's coming from downstairs?

Joe: Maybe, yeah. Well I'm gonna go count my money downstairs and-- [The word "money" woke up Erica, she is completely topless]

Erica: [Still tipsy] I'm sorry, darling, you wanted *more* money?

Joe: [She gasps and then turns around to see Erica's top in the bathroom. She storms up to Zack] Zachary. What's going on?

Zack: [Nervously] Darling, it's not what it looks li-- [Suddenly, Joe aggresively punches him in the face.] Yikes, love, what was that for?

Joe: [A pause, in a very menacing and deep voice] Get out of my *fucking* house, Zack. And take your cheap blonde *whore* with you.

Zack: Love, I don't think you understa-- [She punches him again, harder]

Joe: [With extreme anger] ***NO, I DON'T THINK* YOU *UNDERSTAND, BUCKO! I SAID GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY HOUSE BEFORE I RAISE HELL ON THE BOTH OF YOU!!***

Zack: Very well, love. [Rubbing his face, the two naked figures get out of the bed]

Joe: [Rapidly pins Erica to the wall] I don't know who you think you fucking are, but I better never see your pretty little face again, or I'mma make it not so pretty. Understood.

Erica: [Pushes Joe off her] You have quite the nerve to call me such things, Joey. Do you not know who I am by now?

Joe: [Mocking her] You don't know who I am now [Angrily] You know what you are, you piece of shit? You're a no good fucking hooker! You want some money?

Erica: [Putting on her clothes and getting her things] Actually, I'm not. You think beating me up is gonna satisfy you. Honey, I can do *whatever* I want. I could condemn your house, I could pay off your parents to abandon you, for all I care, I could even frame you for murdering your own boyfriend if I wanted to. However, I'm not the evil bitch you think I am, moreso how you are, so I'll let you off the hook. [Gazes right into her eyes] But know that if you ever come at me like that again, I'll be far worse than you can imagine. That's a promise. Let's go Zack.

Joe: [On the verge of a mental breakdown] *AND DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU ON THE WAY OUT.*

 Erica: We get it, bitch, you're tough.

Joe: ***LET IT HIT YOU, YOU FUCK!*** [She starts to hysterically cry]

## The Aftermath

Zack and Erica are seen walking outside. They are both very drunk, but Erica is functioning almost completely normally.

Erica: [Panicking] Ugh! What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?

Zack: Did... did you just say who are we gonna do? Love, we're gonna do ourselves!

Erica: No, Zack! I mean what are we gonna do?

Zack: [Coming to his senses....for a minute] You're rich, how about you book us a stay at some motel?

Erica: I don't know any motels in Hyde Park! [She dials her chaufeur] Hey, darling.... Yeah yeah, I need a big favor, can you come pick me and Zack up?........ an hour?...... it's four in the fucking morning how are you still busy?!..... a half hour it is.... waitwait don't hang up!.... can you be a dear and book us a suite somewhere nearby?..... Look buddy, we're both extremely wasted, anything looks beautiful in our eyes right now......*Fine*.... bye-bye.

Zack: What.... what..... what did he say?

Erica: It's gonna be a half hour. Guess we're staying here for a while...

Zack: What about that.... raging mane....maniac in there?

Erica: Oh Joe? She's probably crying herself to sleep and cleaning up the jizz in her bed. Thanks buddy.

Zack: There's vodka in your purse, right?

Erica: Two whole bottles, buddy. Two whole bottles.

Zack: I fucking love you [Makes out with her]

Erica: [Pushes him off] No! Zack, we aren't doing it on the fucking street!

Zack: You're right. We aren't nearly drunk enough yet.

Erica: You got that right.... [She gets a text from her chauffeur: "sorry can't make it. its too early, but i booked your hotel for you. good night miss Askiname."] I swear if I wasn't still hammered right now....

Zack: You know, l-love, it marvels me how you can still text someone so fluently.

Erica: Okay, that entire statement made no sense. You mean I can type and sound sober? Yeah. No shit. Thank Kendrick for that.

Zack: Where's your cha--chaufuer dude that drives us around?

Erica: [Sarcastically] Oh, he's five minutes away, darling!

Zack: R-really?

Erica: No you fucking moron! We're in the middle of East Bumblefuck with nowhere to go. Actually [stealing Zack's phone] What's your passcode?

Zack: [Whispers it in her ear]

Erica: Would've never guessed that. [Opens up the App Store and downloads UBER] Never have I ever thought I'd waste money on a shitty peasant app like this....

Zack: Are you really ordering us an uber?

Erica: Yeah. [Pulling him by the ear] By the way, if something ends up happening and we get murdered in this fucking car, it's your fault.

Zack: Undermistood love.

Erica: [Rolls her eyes at that word] And I thought I was fucking wasted.

[The UBER eventually comes and drives them to a motel.]

Erica: [Running through her purse] Oh shit. Zack!

Zack: [Sort of sobering up] Yes, love?

Erica: I can't find my fucking wig! I really can't, holy shit!

Zack: Eri-- you didn't pack it, remember?

Erica: Shit! They can't know who I am?

UBER Driver: Hey, what's your name again?

Erica: Mona, get it right, dweeb.

UBER Driver: Yikes, relax.

Erica: Okay, uhh.... [She finds a hairtie and glasses in her bag] Alright, this is fine, [She pins her hair up]

UBER Driver: We're like two minutes away. Your total is 20 dollars?

Erica: That's it? [Catching herself] I-I mean, yeah, we'll pay you when we get out?

Zack: [Whispering] It's weird not to have to pay for a lady, I must say.

Erica: Don't get used to it. This motel is on you, kid.

Zack: Are you fucking serious?

Erica: [Mocking him] Are you fucking serious? [Angrily] You got us into this mess. I don't get mad. I get even, bitch.

Zack: That-- That actually sounded kinda hot.

Erica: [Fangirly] Did it now?

UBER Driver: Here you guys are. Where's the money?

Erica: [Takes out her wallet] Shit, I only have hundreds in here. Do you have change?

UBER Driver: A-actually you know what, this one's on me, Miss Mona. It's 4AM and I wouldn't wanna be in your position anyway.

Erica: Really? That's so sweet, I'll rate you five stars, mister... mister.

UBER Driver: Rick. Rick's the name, don't forget it, sweetheart.

Erica: Gotcha, Rick.

[The two walk into the motel lobby]

Erica: Wait here. [She goes up to the front desk] Hello, my boyfriend made a reservation?

Receptionist: Yes.... Miss..... Mona Ericsson?

Erica: Yes, that's me. [Gesturing Zack, taking the key] Come on, love. [The two exit and find their room. Erica opens the door.] This is the absolute shittiest place I've ever seen. Like if hell was actually realistic, everybody would be trapped in rooms like these. Who the fuck rated this shithole five stars on yelp?

Zack: It's actually pretty nice, love.

Erica: You know what, I'm just gonna sleep. I'll shower tomorrow.

Zack: You know, love, we didn't finish what we started. That pig ran up on us.

Erica: Zack, it's 5 in the fucking morning! [Waits a few seconds] Let's do it.

Zack and Erica get under the covers and have drunk rebound sex.