Rob Steal Solutions (segment)

**Rob Steal Solutions** is a segment from *Channel -12 News* that was released on November 5th, 2021 as part of the show's second season. The segment is a recovered TV tape from the 1980s advertising the business Rob Steal Solutions, which is essentially a scam in which the customer's house is robbed. The segment debuted the recurring character Rob P. Steal, the owner of the business.

## Outline

The segment is a fairly straightforward advertisement in which Rob P. Steal outlines his business Rob Steal Solutions, in which he breaks into people's homes and steals their valuables, selling them in exchange for cash. Rob comes off genuine but harsh, often mocking the viewer and priding himself. The segment features only Rob talking onscreen, essentially monologuing to the viewer. The transcript is as follows:

*HEY YOU! Yes, you! Vulnerable! I mean, "valuable" consumer! My name's Rob P. Steal! And I'm here to ask, do you need cash fast? Well too bad! Lotsa schmucks these days just can't seem to scrounge up enough scrilla! And I just got one thing to say about that! (laughter) Here at Rob Steal Solutions we'll take your stuff! That's right! Take! Your! Stuff! We'll take any of your belongings and sell it for our own profit! Jewelry! Clothes! The deed to your home! Irreplaceable family memories! Your kidneys! It doesn't matter, We'll take it! Now you may be asking "Rob? Just how does this help me?" Simple, it doesn't! This is just straight up robbery! It's our policy that we believe you're so dumb that you'd actually fall for this! I mean just look at you! Even thinking about you makes me sad! But if you stop on down to our humble place of business we can solve that real quick! Too busy to stop by? Don't worry! Call us, and we'll trace your number and pin down your exact location! Once we do that we’ll simply stakeout your home until you're not around, break in and then rob you blind! That's right folks, rob! You! Blind! Rob Steal Solutions! Lock your door! It won't stop us!*

## Background

The idea of the segment was to parody low-budget local commercials for jewelry buyers seen by the crew. The suggestion to parody these was given by the group's teacher, Mr. Visca. The idea was expanded upon by Callum Armstrong, who said the character of Rob P. Steal came to him in a dream. He then wrote the script and the segment was filmed in the Abbey Park TV Studio by Jailen Modi, who also edited it. The segment became a breakout hit, with the character becoming popular throughout the school, prompting his reappearance in further projects, such as a standalone film.

## Soundtrack

* **"TF2 Music: Home Depot" -** Plays throughout the entirety of the segment. (ChargingTurnip)

## Trivia

* One major inspiration for the segment was the "Cashman" advertisement for a local jewelry buyer in Ontario which was frequently played on TV there, becoming memorable to residents of the province.
* Before airing the segment during the live broadcast, Jailen explains that the segment was found on and old VHS tape in the studio, implying the commercial is outdated.
* The exterior of Rob P. Steal's building seen behind him during the segment is different from the one seen in Rob P. Steals Christmas, with the sign reading "ROB P. STEAL" rather than "ROB STEAL SOLUTIONS". This may imply that Rob moved locations in between the time in which the commercial was filmed and the time in which the film takes place.