Tic Tac Toe

*Todd plays "Tic-Tac-Toe" on the piano*

***KYPER - TIC-TAC-TOE
A one-hit wonder retrospective***

**Todd:** Welcome back to One Hit Wonderland, where we take a look at bands and artists known for only one song. And I will admit, One Hit Wonderland is set up...

> *(A collage of shots showing various one-hit wonder artists)*
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**Todd (VO):** ...mostly to explore the one-hit wonders that people still remember, not the ones...
**Todd:** ...who even their one song got forgotten. But every so often, I feel like reminding everyone that, not every one-hit wonder stands the test of time. So, why don't we take a moment to explore this piece of ephemera I've picked up today, which... I just want to assure people that, yes, was in fact a real thing.

> *(Video for "Tic-Tac-Toe" plays while Todd just dances along)*
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> **Kyper:** X, and O
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> It's like yes, and no
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> Tic Tac Toe
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**Todd (VO):** This guy is named, Kyper. And this song is called "Tic-Tac-Toe". Yes, it was a hit; it reached number 14 in the autumn of 1990. And yes it's about tic-tac-toe. Yes that's a metaphor for sex. Yes, it samples *(Logo for the band...)* Yes. *(Video for "Owner of a Lonely Heart" by Yes)* That is in fact a sample of "Owner of a Lonely Heart" by the band Yes. *(Portion of the song plays briefly).*
**Todd:** And what else do I know about this song? Not a goddamn thing!

> **Kyper:** Tic-Tac-Toe is a game I used to play
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> When I little, I used...
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**Todd (VO):** I've certainly never heard it played anywhere I'm, guessing almost none of you have either. I don't even remember how I came across it. But once I did hear it, I've never forgotten it.

**Todd:** I'm honestly just, kinda, doing this for the episode as an experiment. To see if I can get an entire video out of someone this obscure.

**Todd (VO):** Cause, there's no interviews with the guy, not a lot of footage out there; I am flying blind folks.

**Todd:** But hey; if you like really uncreative sampling such as was popular in the 90s,...

**Todd (VO):** ....really basic rhyme flows and, sweet, sweet dance moves, well I've got just the song for you.

> **Kyper:** ...and no, tic-tac-toe
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**Todd:** Let's play some tic-tac-toe everyone. Centre square for the win!

> **Kyper:** Do you wanna play? (Tic-Tac-Toe)
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**Before The Hit**

**Todd:** Ok, let's see what little we have to go on here.

**Todd (VO):** Ok, the dude's real name is Randall Kiper, with an I. He changed it to a Y for that extra 90's edge, I guess. He comes from Baton Rouge, Louisiana, thus starting a proud tradition of Baton Rouge hip hop, like...

**Todd:** ...um...Hurricane Chris

*Clip of Hurricane Chris - A Bay Bay*

> **Hurricane Chris:** A Bay Bay, A Bay Bay, A Bay Bay, A Bay Bay, A Bay Bay, I'm in the club hollerin'
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**Todd:** Speaking of one-hit wonders nobody remembers.

**Todd (VO):** Yeah, and also Lil' Boosie and Kevin Gates, don't @ me.

**Todd:** Now, let's check Kyper out, this is one of his early singles, called "Life is Hard."

*Clip of "Life is Hard"*

> **Kyper:** Life is hard, Born in this world without a doubt, Growin' up not known what life's all about, You take the change with the strain manipulate your brain, Because the things in life never stay the same
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**Todd (VO):** Ok, I guess this is some...this is some old school Ice-T kind of hip hop here. It's pretty primitive sounding today, but I guess it has its charm.

**Todd:** Well, let's see what else he has.

*Clip of "Throw Down"*

> **Kyper:** Everybody on the floor, Listen to the beat like never before, Shake your pants, romance, discotech
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**Todd (VO):** Man, this is some breakdance music! I feel like pop 'n lockin'.

> **Kyper:** I know it's been a while since you had it good, I'm gonna do it to ya baby like I know I should, forget your worries
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**Todd:** *[does the robot]* I have no idea what i'm doing. Am I popping or locking? Okay, but this is some good stuff, actually. I don't think hip hop is quite the word for this. What is this actually?
*Clip from Shaun of the Dead*

> **Ed:** It's not hip hop, it's electro, prick.
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**Todd:** Yeah, yeah, right, electro!

**Todd (VO):** It was more like dance music than hip hop, it was heavy on the 808's, not a whole lot of emphasis on the actual rapping. I'm feeling this, what else did he have?

**Todd:** Okay, this one's called "What Gets Your Body Hyped (XTC)." A tribute to British 80's rock band XTC, I presume. My copy of their Skylarking album does indeed get my body hyped. No, it's about drugs obviously, play that shit!

*Clip of "What Gets Your Body Hyped (XTC)"*

> **Kyper:** It ain't like cocaine and it ain't like marijuana, You say you like to dance, well baby you're gonna, What gets your body hyped, XTC, XTC, What makes you dance all night, XTC, XTC
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**Todd (VO):** Ok, it's clear to me that Kyper's true calling was not in the hard hip hop stuff about the streets or anything. This isn't Rakim, obviously. I guess he's an MC, but in the really really old school sense, like back in the days when all the MC did was keep the beat moving for the DJ. Kyper's clearly more of a producer, dropping those slammin' grooves.

**Todd:** Ok, but electro was more like an early 80's thing, right? I don't know if it was still big by 1989.

**Todd (VO):** But even if it was still big, it was clearly on its way out, as the first wave of new school hip hop was well underway by this point.

**Todd:** I'm guessing Kyper was already behind the times, and that he knew he needed to update his sound.

**The Big Hit**

*Video for "Tic Tac Toe" starts*

**Todd:** Okay, it was 1990, and Kyper introduced a radical shift in his music. No more being strictly for the clubs, this is clearly a bid for mainstream stardom. He's got the easily-recognizable sample, a real music video now, some pop-friendly lyrics about banging chicks...

> **Kyper:** [They] just look me in the eye and pass right by with that booty shakin' like Jell-O. I like...
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**Todd:** It is no longer the '80s, and Kyper is 'down with the ladies'. Now, like I said, lyrics or flow-wise, Kyper wasn't gonna compete with the real MCs like Ice Cube or anything.

> **Kyper:** That's when the boys got to be real cool; jump in the biz and act a fool....
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**Todd:** But...it was *1990.* The year of Hammer, Vanilla Ice. Pop rap was still a novelty; the barrier to entry was pretty low. You didn't have to be a lyrical mastermind or anything. I don't think Hammer ever had a *single* good lyric. And Vanilla? He didn't even seem to know what most of the words he used even *meant!* In fact, with his dance moves and everything, I, I originally figured this guy was trying to be Hammer. But, now that I listen to him, the guy he's very obviously trying to be is Tone-Loc.

> **Kyper:** My dad got up cause he heard some knockin'...Son whatcha doin'? Playin' Tic-Tac-Toe
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*Video for "Wild Thing" plays*

> **Tone-Loc:** I keyed the door we cold hit the floor looked up and it was her mother...She said "hey you two I was once like you and I liked to do the wild thing"
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**Todd:** I mean, am I imagining that? I'm not, right?

> **Kyper:** On the way there, you're thinkin' 'bout one thing. Girls ain't dumb, they know you want the wild thing.
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**Todd:** Okay, yeah, I'm clearly dead on with this one.

**Todd (VO):** But you can still hear Tone-Loc's "Wild Thing" and...Hammer's "U Can't Touch This" and Young MC's "Bust a Move" everywhere. "Tic Tac Toe" never reached that level of ubiquity or longevity. Why is that?

**Todd:** Well, for one, the metaphor is, uh...strained?

> **Kyper:** Tic Tac Toe is a game I used to play. When I was little, I used to say "I got the X and I got the O."
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**Todd:** So, X means "yes," O means "no."

> **Kyper:** X is for "yes" and O is for "no."
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**Todd (VO):** So yeah, uh...you get three X's that means sex. That makes sense, triple-X means sex.

**Todd:** Although, O's are pretty sexual too...

*Clip from "Office Space" plays*

> **Drew:** ...might be showing her my O face. Oh! Oh! Oh!
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**Todd:** In any case, I'm not sure you *want* your sex jam to feature the word "no" so prominently.

> **Kyper:** Like yes...and no, Tic Tac Toe
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**Todd (VO):** I mean, I can't think of many words less sexy than "no."

**Todd:** And how does that even make sense?!

**Todd (VO):** If she wins the game she doesn't get laid?!

**Todd:** Is not having sex with you a prize?!

**Todd (VO):** I mean, that lady looks pretty satisfied for losing.

**Todd:** Okay, here's a thought:

**Todd (VO):** Maybe zero-sum games where one side wins and another loses don't make a good metaphor for sex!

**Todd:** But that's a whole other thing that goes back forever and I'll do us all a favor and save it for a think piece or something. And also, you realize...

**Todd (VO):** Most of the time, no one wins in Tic Tac Toe.

**Todd:** So what does it mean when it ends in a tie?

> **Kyper:** Is it sex...maybe so.
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**Todd (VO):** You just make out a little or...is it one of those weird in between gray areas where you're not sure if you have consent or not.

**Todd:** Ugh...hate these blurred lines...

**Todd (VO):** In fact, I'm not even sure he knows how to play this game!

> **Kyper:** I got the X and I got the O. It don't matter when you Tic Tac Toe
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**Todd (VO):** Wait, you were X *and* O?!

**Todd:** ...Is this a metaphor for masturbating?

**Todd (VO):** And look, even taking the idea that getting laid is a game...usually they mean, like, chess or poker...not Tic Tac Toe, the world's simplest game!

**Todd:** Like, yeah, it is a game of a strategy, but just *barely.*

**Todd (VO):** It's literally the simplest strategy game of all time. Even "Rock, Paper, Scissors" has more facets to it!

> **Kyper:** ...might get some if you play this game.
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**Todd (VO):** It just doesn't evoke sex in any way.

**Todd:** It'd make more sense if you made the song about "Hungry Hungry Hippos!"

*"Wild Thing" plays over footage of a "Hungry Hungry Hippos" commercial*

**Todd:** So yeah, there is not a lot going on with this song, and...

**Todd (VO):** What little it does have doesn't really make sense...it's super dated and corny.

> **Kyper:** Laughin', gigglin', shakin' that pie
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**Todd (VO):** One of us clearly doesn't know what "pie" means.

> **Kyper:** Pull out the portable car phone, next thing you know, you'll be drivin' 'em home.
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**Todd:** You know what girls love? A guy with a car phone...it was 1990.

> **Kyper:** Is it sex...maybe so
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**Todd:** Is it sex?...I guess \*shrugs\*.

**Todd (VO):** But still, I mean, it's got its charm. I mean, look at those dance moves. It's like a really funky "Funky Chicken." And "Owner of a Lonely Heart" is a great sample if nothing else.

**Todd:** \*singing\* Owner of a single hit...much better than the owner of no hits

**The Failed Follow Up**

**Todd:** Okay, I don't think there's a video for this, but there was at least one more single off the album.

**Todd (VO):** It's called "What Is This World Coming To" parentheses "(Dear God)"

**Todd:** Okay, is this guy an XTC fan or what?!

*Video for "Dear God"* plays

> **Andy Partridge:** Dear god, sorry to disturb you, but...
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**Todd (VO):** I mean, that's a huge coincidence, right? Or this only a thing that music geeks like me notice?

**Todd:** Anyway, let's hear it.

*"What Is This World Coming To (Dear God)" plays over static image of album cover*

**Todd (VO):** I see we're back to the breakdance music, which...

**Todd:** I *really* don't think anyone was still listening to electro in 1990, I mean we were up to house music by that point.

**Todd (VO):** Also I'm not sure there was a market for breakdance music that...ruminated about social issues? \*mockingly\* I'm gonna do the worm...against racism!

**Todd:** But hey, now he knows what sells and what doesn't, it's time for the big follow-up album! That's where you make the money!

**Todd (VO):** That album was called "Countdown to the Year 2000."

**Todd:** Well, don't bother with the countdown, dude, I'll...

**Todd (VO):** I'll already tell you it's a huge disappointment.

**Todd:** But let's see the opening single, it's called "Spin the Bottle!"

*Video for "Spin the Bottle" plays*

> **Kyper:** Spin the bottle baby
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**Todd (VO):** Now, see, there's a game that *is* sexy. Let's jam!

> **Kyper:** ...you wanna play, do you wanna play? Spin the bottle, baby. Do you wanna play, do you wanna play?
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**Todd:** Aw man, this is classic.
**Todd (VO):** Now I can't be sure, but I'm pretty sure that's a sample of "Everybody Dance Now"

> **Kyper:** Take off your clothes, take off your clothes. Do it baby
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> **Crowd:** Take it off
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> **Woman:** Oh no, I couldn't do that
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> **Kyper:** Do it baby
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> **Crowd:** Take it off
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**Todd (VO):** Okay, I thought "Spin the Bottle" was about making out...I've never heard of "Strip Spin the Bottle."
**Todd:** But, you know, I never got invited to those kinds of parties anyway...

> **Kyper:** Spinning the bottle's no ordinary game, you got to have guts to show a little shame.
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**Todd (VO):** Now I don't know why this didn't take off, I mean, this is some solid jock jam material right here. On the guy's YouTube page, it says this video was only released overseas. I get the feeling no one at the record industry was investing too much in Kyper. This didn't take off,

**Todd:** and that's pretty much the last anyone heard of him.

**Did He Ever Do Anything Else?**

**Todd:** Okay, I did manage to dig up one last video from this guy from 1993.

**Todd (VO):** It was called "My Name is Kyper" parentheses "(And I Am Hyper)"

*Video for "My Name is Kyper (And I Am Hyper)" plays*

> **Kyper:** My name is Kyper and I am hyper. When I shoot ya, I hit ya like a sniper.
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**Todd (VO):** Okay, that's clearly a sample of Prince's "My Name is Prince"
*Video for "My Name is Prince" plays*

> **Prince:** My name is Prince and I am funky.
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**Todd (VO):** That was literally only a year old at that point.

**Todd:** I mean, give a sample some breathing room first.

**Todd (VO):** Or maybe he just figured that the sample was up for grabs because, by that point, Prince was no longer named "Prince."

*Video for "My Name is Kyper (And I Am Hyper) plays*

> **Kyper:** God did make the sea, but on the 7th day, thou did not make thee.
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**Todd (VO):** Oh hell, this isn't a sample, this is almost a straight cover!
*Video for "My Name is Prince" plays*

> **Prince:** In the beginning, God made the sea.
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**Todd (VO):** Also, I don't know if you've noticed, but, uh...the production value has clearly dropped a bit. And who the hell are these white guys he's with?!

> **Kyper:** Boys from the south let me hear you sing
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**Todd (VO):** Okay, from what I can tell, they're called "Boys from the South"...and...this looks less like an actual video and just two random guys with a SoundCloud and a camcorder. I'm pretty sure *I* make better quality video than this video,

**Todd:** and I don't even have lights!

**Todd (VO):** And after that, the online trail goes a little cold, and...if I wanna know anymore I'm gonna have to start going to really obscure record stores or...scour eBay or hire a detective and find the guy myself.

**Todd:** However, apparently the guy did resurface briefly about 5 months ago when he put this up on his YouTube page.

*Video for "I'm Bionic" plays*

> **Dave Rubin:** Sex robots are coming! That's a pun, people.
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> **Kyper:** Favorite thing, take a ride with me, the ecstasy
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**Todd (VO):** I don't think it's gonna get big anytime soon, but...hey, we can always use more songs about sex robots. He also has a Facebook page, and...he's apparently still working as a DJ, which, you know, that's pretty cool! So, uh...if you're seeing this, Mr. Kyper...best of luck to ya!

**Did He Deserve Better?**

**Todd:** I don't think the 90s needed another pop rapper...We didn't need more than one Hammer.

*Video for "Tic Tac Toe" plays*

**Todd (VO):** But his dance stuff I think was pretty good. Woulda liked to hear more of that. Think he might have broke a little late. If he'd broken out a little earlier he could probably have been a lot bigger. So, uh...did he deserve better?

**Todd:** \*shrugs\* Yeah, sure, why not? Hope, uh, hope you're doing okay, dude. May your Tic Tac Toe's never end in a tie.

*Closing Tag Song: B.I.T. feat. Sofia - "Owner of a Lonely Heart"*

***THE END***

***"Tic Tac Toe" is owned by Atlantic Records***

***This video owned by me***

***THANK YOU TO THE LOYAL PATRONS!***