Chicagoan

Example of the Chicagoan Population

**Chicagoans** are an advanced alien race originating from the exo-planet Chicago. They are known to be some of the greatest gamers in the Milky Way, and have performed perfect no-damage runs for every game ever, from *Action 52* to *Super Mario*. Once highly abundant in the universe, they were nearly driven to extinction when the Lets' Players invaded their homeworld, leading to a mass exodus of the species. The most famous Chicagoan in the universe is the game dev and part-time former funny boy, Ding Dong.

## Physiology

Chicagoans are pale, bilaterally symmetrical bipeds with thin bodies and disproportionately large heads. Their eyes are often set wide apart on their faces, and their mouths are large with fleshy blue lips. They are roughly lagomorphic in appearance with a pair of "nublets" on tops of their heads that are reminiscent of rabbit ears. Though these appendages are indeed sensory organs, they are not true ears. In reality, these "ear nublets" are actually used to detect particles called "crumble rays", and are also cosmetic in nature. When they feel threatened, they swell up a pair of abdominal organs called "kidleys", which vibrate and produce giggling sounds. This is believed to be a holdover from their prehistoric ancestors, evolving as a means of scaring off predators. Although they breathe an oxygen + nitrogen based atmosphere like Humans do, Chicagoan biology is of an opposite chirality to that of Earth-based life, and as a result, consumption of earth food can be harmful to them without antibiotic treatment or a metabolic aid of sorts. However diet coke is an exception to this, being very beneficial to their health when drunk in large quantities. Chicagoan skin changes colour depending on their current emotion (e.g. yellow when scared, blue when sad).

Chicagoan respiratory systems are aerobic, consisting of a pair of lungs (or "thungs" as Chicagoans themselves tend to call them) rather than gills. This allows them to absorb oxygen from the atmosphere rather than in water. However, they do not possess nostrils, so they instead breathe through their cloaca. For this reason, Chicagoans of either sex generally prefer to not wear pants.

Like Earth tetrapods, Chicagoans have an internal skeleton made up of collagen and calcium phosphate, and even have a structure resembling a spinal column. However, their skeleton has much more cartilage in the joints, giving their bodies exceptional flexibility. Their skulls in particular are almost 75% cartilage. Their signature 'nublets' also appear on their hip bones, but it is still unknown wether these buckets can detect crumble rays or are just cosmetic in nature.

Chicagoans have a closed circulatory system similar to what is seen in terrestrial vertebrates but differ in the fact that they possess an additional heart underneath their brain. The secondary heart pumps extra volumes of oxygenated blood into the brain, essentially overclocking the brain's ability to process information. Due to this, it is theorized that the second heart is the source of the Chicagoans' unrivaled gaming prowess. Rather than hemoglobin, Chicagoan blood uses a hemerythrin-like protein as an oxygen carrier, resulting in a deep purple color.

### Reproduction

Chicagoans reproduce sexually, and male and female members of the species exist. More specifically they are sequential hermaphrodites, and are able to change sex multiple times throughout their lives. This has been observed once with Ding Dong, who became female during his marriage with Crash Bandicoot and gave birth to a son and a daughter. Chicagoans reproduce internally, and males have a single penis that resembles one of their ear nubs. Contrary to popular belief, female Chicagoans do not have boobies, but tend to have comparatively smaller and thinner lips than males.

### Life Cycle

Chicagoans go through a three-stage life cycle in which their physiology goes through drastic changes in a remarkably short growth period. They are oviparous, and lay a small clutch of at least two seed-like eggs. These eggs will hatch into a larval stage called a "long sleech", which are sessile, wormlike creatures with no distinctive features except for a mouth and eyes. From there, they progressively grow into the adult imago form in a tadpole-like manner, sprouting limbs as well as enlarged lips and ear nubs. This amazingly fast growth can be attributed to a very high metabolic rate. However, as a consequence, the natural life expectancy of a Chicagoan is only roughly two years, but can be extended almost indefinitely through ritualistic or artificial means.

Examples of Chicagoan predecessors, and how they've evolved overtimeA diagram of the Chicagoan Life CycleLong Sleech FormFully Grown FormAn example of Ding Dong using his classic mandibles to ward off predatorsChicagoan Blood
## Society and Culture

The Chicagoians had a royal hierarchy of sorts in some areas of the planet. They consisted of a Pippin (king), Pippa (queen), Piopa (Prince) and a Pippi (princess).

Much like the Let's Players, Chicagoan culture largely revolves around gaming, not only as a pastime but as a professional sport and a political system. In the Chicagoan economy, one's skill at a game will determine their position in their chosen occupation, and are given promotions if their gaming ability improves. Unlike the Let's Players, who are painfully unfunny conquerers and warlords, the Chicagoan government is a democracy at heart, though presidential nominees are voted for on the basis of gaming skill level above all else, with actual politics taking a back seat.

Chicagoan personal names follow a strange yet simple structure, consisting of two reduplicative words with relatively few syllables each(ex: Bib Bob, Fleep Floop, Yip Yop, Fick Fack, Fibby Fubby, Fuddy Duddy, Nutter Butter, Hoighty Toighty, Kunga Bunga, Hooba Dooba, Slippy Slappy Yabba Dabba, Hinga Dinga, Winkie Dinkie, Tinky Winky, etc). Occasionally, these names can sound like English onomatopoeia (ex: Ding Dong, Whick Whack, Brip Brap, Slip Slap, Hoo Ha, etc). They also have surnames that denote their family and creed, though more often than not the surnames are extremely difficult to pronounce for anyone who doesn't have a Chicagoan jaw structure.

Many different creatures lived alongside the Chicagoans, such as the Parajelli. The Parajellis are usually kept as pets and are a big help getting across Chicago's big hills and/or mountains. The Parajelli resembled jellyfish. No one knows where they are now.

## Notable Chicagoans

Ding DongDark DingEvilorDJ MemeboiGranny Ding DongDing Dongs KidsThe Chicagoan PippaKanye West
## Trivia

* Chicagoans are noted to bear a resemblance to Rabbids, a race of creatures originating from the Rayman franchise. As a result, many have made jokes about this resemblance in the form of memes or as visual gags in animated adaptations.
* The planet they inhabited on (Chicago) was invaded by let's players led by Markipler
* The species is close to extinction.
* Chicagoans are alleged to shed their bones like how a lizard sheds its skin. This is not true and anyone who says it is an idiot.

## References

1. ↑ "Rabbit-like"
2. ↑ Basically an all-purpose butthole, used for pooping, peeing, and fucking.
3. ↑ Despite this, Ding Dong claims that Chicago doesn't have air.
4. ↑ Critters that have four legs.
5. ↑ The stuff that makes human blood red.
6. ↑ The stuff that makes peanut worm blood purple.