Panzerskelette

the removed head of a Panzerskelett

## General Overview

The Panzerskelette are a group of Skeletalians living on planet Elajim (mistakenly called "Jim" by LBP). It is unknown how they became separated from the main Skeletalian empire. They speak a language they call Heilige Skelettzunge, which is actually exactly like the bland-reality German language. For unknown reasons, they are obsessed with building ridiculous and impractical tanks and selling them to each other. They regularly terrorize the other species on Elajim with their tanks.

## Physical Traits

Panzerskelette appear similar to normal Skeletalians, but are colored similarly to cardboard and are larger. They are capable of shooting fire from their eyes and mouth like normal Skeletalians, but the fire is orange as opposed to green. They are also able to regenerate their body parts within seconds. Another unusual quality they possess is their ability to create more Panzerskelette by removing their own heads, which will then expel a massive conflagration of flame, the dissipation of which will result in three to five more Panzerskelette appearing next to the original.

Panzerskelette bones are incredibly durable, capable of easily withstanding trauma that would completely atomize their Skeletalian kin. Their bones also somehow become more and more sturdy the more of them are touching one another. Due to this, Panzerskelette literally collect the bones of their kind and then melt them into plates of armor to put on their tanks. Panzerskelette are also capable of secreting an incredibly potent explosive liquid that they use as fuel for their tanks.

Panzerskelette who are especially gifted in tank-crafting wear pinstripe suits, top hats, and red-tinted sunglasses. Those with less talent, and thus less money, wear dusters and bandanas. Those with little to no tank-building experience do not wear clothing.

## Society

The Panzerskelette all share a similar personality, marked by an obsessive compulsion to build exceeding large and flashy tanks (or Panzers). Once a Panzer is complete, the individual who built will attempt to "sell" it to a buyer. The process of purchasing involves the buyer removing parts of their own body or various other possessions until the seller decides that the deal is fair. Oftentimes the bidding will continue until the volume of removed bones is enough to build an even greater Panzer than the one presented to the buyer. The seller will same of the bones they receive to use as currency to purchase other items as well as to hire crew members for their Panzers.

Panzerskelette who lack the necessary skill to build a working Panzer will instead learn to play electric guitars and drums in the hope of being hired by richer individuals to play music for them. These Panzerskelette are called Musikalische Herolde, as their music heralds the arrival of a great Panzer. Some Musikalische Herolde play trumpet-like instruments called Sirenen des Krieges that enable the individual using them to play siren-like sounds to announce the coming of their respective Panzer. Other Panzerskelette will instead learn how to manage the average Panzer in order to become crew members for anyone who will hire them.

Panzerskelette are also exceedingly violent, like other Skeletalians, seeking to use their Panzers to kill everything that stands in their path. However, they are also incredibly stupid and dim-witted when it comes to anything other than tank-building, and their tanks are still quite ramshackle and built just well enough to function reliably. However, some can become quite wise (comparatively) and become great leaders using their cunning.

### Panzerhorden

Sometimes Panzerskelette will come together in groups of 1-3,000 known as Panzerhorden. Panzerhorden will then compete with others nearby to build the biggest and greatest Panzer. Currently the greatest Panzer, constructed by the Knochenbrüder Panzerhorde (the oldest known Panzerhorde), is named Zerstörer der Fleischlichen. It is 400 feet long, 300 feet wide, and 250 feet tall. It is powered by a massive 50-cylinder internal combustion engine that has been described as sounding like a continuous nuclear detonation, and its turret features 3 main guns as well as 14 heavy machine guns along the top. The main chassis has 20 machine guns running along the sides and 1 cannon on either side, attached to an armor plate blocking the tread mechanism from harm. The treads themselves have large jackhammers attached to them. These are supposed to allow the tank to drive up buildings, but the tank is so heavy that it crushes the buildings instead. There are also chainsaw blades running across both sides of the tank to allow it to travel through forests.

Panzerhorden have a very technocratic nature, with the leader of the Panzerhorde, or Panzerkönig, typically having the greatest Panzer-building expertise, tactical acumen, and scientific capability, though Panzerskelett science typically consists of trying to figure out why one's Panzer can't cut through trees just because it has sharp edges.

Panzerhorden can sometimes merge into larger groups called Panzer Legionen, consisting of two to three Panzerhorden. These groups are typically very short-lived, most only lasting a few weeks, but while they exist they can wreak great havoc upon those who attempt to obstruct them.

## Panzer-Building Process

The process of building a Panzer is arduous and can take many years, sometimes even decades, to complete when done by a single Panzerskelett. First, the aspiring Panzerbauer (one who builds Panzers) must use his compiled body parts to build armor for his Panzer. He must then either purchase premade internal components or make them himself. Many Panzerbauer choose the latter option as it gives them an opportunity to personalize their Panzer. Most choose two levers, each controlling one tread. This allows them to turn and accelerate easier.

The next step in Panzer construction is to assemble the parts. This is a difficult task, and usually takes up the most time in the Panzer-building process. This is typically done by connecting the internal pieces and then placing the armor around them. This is usually the step in which most Panzerbauer either give up and train to become a Musikalische Herolde or hire an assistant. The most stubborn of Panzerskelette, however, will continue to press on and eventually complete the Panzer.

The final step in constructing a Panzer is adorning it with decorations. These ornamentations usually include various ramblings about violence and death written in Sütterlinschrift, but some are skull motifs, some of which are fashioned with the mouths open and serve as exhaust nozzles, or large spikes. After the adornment is complete, the Panzerbauer will usually perform a celebratory jig known as a Tanz der Herrlichkeit which varies between individuals.