Yelp

"*Now let's move on to something a little more difficult. It's when you use your Yelp review to also leave your opinion about a larger, related aspect of what it is that you're commenting on.*"
―Erik
Yelp is the eighth lesson of Internet Comment Etiquette. It was released on August 12, 2012.

## Summary

Erik talks about a vacation he took with his wife and how this inspired him to create a lesson on Yelp reviews. He then lays out three rules for Yelp reviews:

1. Review the establishment in question
2. Talk about yourself
3. Complain about other reviewers

Erik leaves a review for Barnsboro Inn where he and his wife had an unfortunate run in with the drunk manager. Then he demonstrates the Pitchfork Method by leaving a review for Central Park to complain about New York. He also explains his usage of the term I.E.

Then Erik demonstrates what not to do. He goes to the music video for Call Me Maybe and leaves a review there. He ends the video by telling his wife Janet that he wants a divorce and promoting his sponsor Chick-Fil-A.

## Comments

*My wife and I came to this place for a quick bite on our way up to New York to celebrate our anniversary. I should say the service was exceptional, and the food was good enough (wife had chicken ranch wrap and I got omelette) My omelette was a little soggy but that's how I like it so no worries. The only problem was when the owner of the restaurant stumbled over to us halfway through our meal and called my wife a cunt. I told him he was being rude, to which he brandished a knife and told me he'd "cut my tits off". He reeked of alcohol and at some point started running around the restaurant blowing cocaine out of his nose onto peoples meals while screaming "WHO WANTS PARMESAN CHEESE YOU N-WORDS?" That is an exact quote. He also kept asking if anyone had seen his dog, and at some point the staff had to drag him into the back where we could all still hear him shouting that Jews were stealing his silverware. My wife couldn't stop crying so we paid our bill and left.**In conclusion, I recommend you try the chicken ranch wrap and everyone else who reviewed this place is gay.**Signed,
Dr. (\_)\_)::::::D P. Ness, Attorney at balls and penises*
- Erik

*Wow what a beautiful park! Definite must see if you're ever in the area — and by "area I mean that shit stink asshole fuckzone called new york city. Listen, this place sucks more dick than dick van dyke's wife. And speaking of dykes, why the fuck does everyone have such short hair here? I didn't realize there were girls in this city until one of them started talking. Furthermore, everyone in new york walks around with their jeans rolled up on one leg. Isn't that for when you're riding a bike? Roll your fucking jeans down you idiot.**What I really liked about central park is that the city around you seems to disappear, which would be great if that actually happened. My wife and I stayed in the part of that smelled like piss and every building was under construction 24/7. I also believe there was an ambulance siren inspection site somewhere near us. It was hard tell over the sound of nobody being able to afford brake pads. I suppose it's hard to save money when your entire city is full of alcoholics and the bars are open until 6am so everyone can stay wasted and forget about what life must be like somewhere that won't give them instant lung cancer if they take too deep a breath.**Central park is easily accessible by public transportation such as the subway -- also known as the underground poop train where you have to lift your feet for the rats to scurry their way home (I.E. the gnawed open chest cavity of the homeless man next to you). Lots of people will tell you that new york is the best city in the world. And those people can straight up eat my ass hole. Just ask my wife, who got stabbed by a police officer when she tried to buy a large soda. Even in fucking bitch ass Tel Aviv you can buy whatever soda you want, and Tel Aviv. of course is the second shittiest place in the world. Right behind New York.**In conclusion, don't listen to the positive reviews. Those people are all cunts with stockholm syndrome for a city that is trying as hard as possible to make their lives gross and miserable. heil hitler*
- Erik

*Found this while looking for hot new artists to J/O to, and was pleasantly surprised by the talent and charm of this band. Unfortunately I found myself distracted by the story, so thumbs down for that.**Also I'm disappointed by the stupid hats everyone is wearing. I apologize if that's just a Canadian tradition to make yourself look like a retard. I highly recommend you watch this until the end because it turns out the guy is gay and so is the earthquake that HAARP has aimed at California*
- Erik

## Comment Quiz of the Week

WHEN'S THE MOST APPROPRIATE TIME TO DIVORCE YOUR WIFE?

A) When the romance is gone from the relationship

B) Once legal counsel has been advised

C) After a long conversation about your future together and addressing the fact that you might be drifting apart, leading to a mutual agreement to seperate and stay friends despite it all.

D) At the end of a Youtube video

## Context

1. ↑ HAARP was an ionospheric observance facility that studied radio frequencies in the ionosphere. Some people believed that it could also control and weaponize the weather despite that not being physically possible.

## Video

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