E04: Freebuild: The Changing Room (September 18, 2014)

Join Dr. Lobotomy and Junior Agent on a fun and casual stroll to the Changing Room!

Featuring: Junior Agent. Special Agent Silas Spencer is a fervent and idealistic believer in the importance of the Galactic Imperium. He has only been an agent of the GI intelligence organization for five years, however, and is still a little green around the gills.

His partner and mentor, Agent Stetson Colt, is trying to gently brush away some of his naivete by sending him to deliver Maxwell Bauer to the bizarre scientist known as Dr. Lobotomy. Little does he know this may be his last assignment...

After wandering for some time around countless labyrinthine corridors, Dr. Lobotomy brightens up as they turn the corner into a hallway humming with the sound of various pumps and compressors. A standard GI Atuoscout leads the way, while an armed Robotroid designated ASR-10 follows them.

Dr. Lobotomy: (in a somewhat sinister accent) "Ah, finally we come to one of our preservation units, where we keep the results of experiments that we've deemed failures."

Junior Agent: "Those look like stasis units. Are these things still alive?"

Dr. Lobotomy: (surprised at the question) "Well yes, of course! In the medical field, as in all of science, we often learn more from our failures than we do from our successes! We preserve our subjects fully, if we can. Do not worry, they are in perfect hibernation and are not harmful in any way."

Junior Agent: (somewhat sarcastically) "Ah...well that's reassuring."

Dr. Lobotomy: "This is the result of an experiment where we blended DNA from sharks with DNA from a human."

Junior Agent: "Why would you want to do that?"

Dr. Lobotomy: "Why wouldn't we? Imagine a race adapted to life both on land and under water. Construction and reconnaissance conducted beneath the sea is still very dangerous work. Imagine workers who could not only breathe water but who had tough, leathery skin as well. The casualty rate would be much lower then, wouldn't it? And I'm sure I don't have to tell you about the possible military ramifications of our Manshark here."

Junior Agent: "Manshark?!"

Dr. Lobotomy: "Yes, we call them Mansharks."

Junior Agent: "What happened with them?"

Dr. Lobotomy: "Well you see, our hybridization was too successful. Sharks are much cleverer than they are generally given credit for; add human intelligence, and... well, the other eight escaped. Just stay out of the Indian Ocean for a few years. The Mansharks aren't capable of breeding on their own, at least not as far as we know."

Junior Agent: "Yikes!"

Dr. Lobotomy: "Yes...yikes indeed. Next we have the suspended, but still living, embryo of a creature that roams the planet of Soateria. We can't be one hundred percent sure, but the bone structure seems to be entirely congruent with the dinosaur known as the tyrannosaurus rex from our Earth."

Junior Agent: "What? Really?"

Dr. Lobotomy: "Oh yes. It makes one question the origin of life in our solar system, and even the nature of the Shift. Is the Shift a reunion of sorts?"

Junior Agent: "Is it?"

Dr. Lobotomy: "We cannot know, of course, but certainly there are parallels between the life forms of many of our new neighbors and those of Earth. For now, however, it remains largely a question for the philosophers. Now if I could call your attention to the next creature..."

Junior Agent: "Whoa! It looks like an eye made of flames!"

Dr. Lobotomy: "And so it does. Yes, the Eye seems to be a creature composed entirely of fire, just as you said. A GI explorer discovered them on Rerador. He found a temple in a dormant volcano whose hieroglyphs contained formulae detailing how to contain these...Eyes. The glass of this specimen's case is micro-etched with numerous geometric patterns that seem to induce a state of dormancy."

Junior Agent: "These patterns were found in the temple?"

Dr. Lobotomy: "Correct. The temple is very old, predating the rise of mammals on Earth by some thousands of years. We do not know what built it, only that it seems to be dedicated to something called a 'Cthugga,' whatever that might be. We will let the archeologists worry about the temple, Agent Spencer, but we were called in to contain the Eyes. Extremely dangerous creatures."

Junior Agent: "I'll bet."

Dr. Lobotomy: "And now we come to the most dangerous creature on the Bucket, perhaps the most dangerous creature in all of the solar system!"

Junior Agent: "What, that weird looking grub thing?"

Dr. Lobotomy: "No, that's just some kind of strange grub. I am referring to the next specimen."

Junior Agent: "What, the chicken?!"

Dr. Lobotomy: "Oh, but it is far more than a simple chicken. You see, there was a discovery made by a team of our scientists deep within the heart of Fuyorai, before the Aurelians moved in. They spoke of strange creatures capable of amazing feats, such as changing size and moving through solid walls."

Junior Agent: "Impossible!"

Dr. Lobotomy: "Yes, quite. However, after we lost contact with the team, a rescue mission was sent. All that they found were the bones of the original team, which had been built into a type of altar. Upon the altar was a small organism, about the size of a tomato, but pulsing with life. It did not display any signs of intelligence, however."

Junior Agent: "And the strange creatures?"

Dr. Lobotomy: "No sign of them. But the strange pulsing creature was given to me to study, and I was quite surprised to discover that it was organic in nature, carbon-based, but it possessed a strange genetic makeup. It had eight nitrogenous bases in its DNA. All life that we knew of up until that point had four nitrogenous bases, but this creature had eight! The four we already knew of, and an additional four! It was amazing!"

Junior Agent: "What did the extra DNA...thingies do?"

Dr. Lobotomy: "Well, we don't know exactly. We spliced the new DNA into everything we could think of, but none of them lived except for the egg of a simple chicken."

Junior Agent: "So it's an alien chicken?"

Dr. Lobotomy: "A hybrid, yes, but again, very difficult to control. The chicken exhibits intelligence far beyond what the structures of its brain should allow. Moreover, it seems to be able to manipulate its own mass in ways we can't understand. Believe it or not, Agent Spencer, I have seen this creature defeat a half a dozen GI Juggernauts in battle. Tossed them around the room like wet socks, and it only weighs six pounds."

Junior Agent: "No way!"

Dr. Lobotomy: "Way."

Junior Agent: "So what do you call this thing?"

Dr. Lobotomy: "Oh, we just call it the chicken. Now, we must continue to the changing room my young friend. We are almost there."

Turning the corner, Junior Agent spots what looks like a black flight suit.

Junior Agent: "Is that what I think it is?"

Dr. Lobotomy: "It is a Blacktron protocol stealth suit, yes."

Junior Agent: "I didn't even think these things were real! The chatter in the academy was that these would make you invisible and even let you fly!"
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Dr. Lobotomy: "That is a crude but fairly accurate way of describing it. Also the suit dampens sound, and is undetectable to infrared as well as RADAR and SONAR based imaging. The problem is that with prolonged use the wearer tends to go a bit mad...and there's a small chance of total glial extroversion."

Junior Agent: "What?"

Dr. Lobotomy: "It might turn your brain inside out. But I believe we've figured out the key--genetically modifying the wearer's Beta waves so that they don't become dissonant to the EM pulses of the suit itself. We actually just began a trial with a new subject. I'm quite hopeful this one will be a success."

Junior Agent: "Really? It started recently?"

Dr. Lobotomy: "Oh yes, very recently."

Junior Agent: "Gee, I wish could know how that one turns out."

Dr. Lobotomy: (with a subtle wink) "Believe me, you'll be the first to know."

Junior Agent: "Hey, Thanks!"

Dr. Lobotomy: "Well here we are at the changing room, Agent Spencer. Tell me, how do you find the Bucket so far? What do you think of the work we do here?"

Junior Agent: "I have to say, sir, you do some pretty strange things here, but this place is nothing like I was expecting. I mean, you should hear some of the stories...the torture, the horrific experiments...and they talk about you like you're some kind of monster! Not accurate at all! This place is cool!... ahem... mean, um, quite fascinating."

Dr. Lobotomy: "Oh yes, I have heard what they same about me; most of it is quite baseless."

Junior Agent: "Yeah. The craziest story was that you conducted some kind of bizarre experiment on yourself, and it made you crazy. Clearly, people don't know what theyï're talking about!"

Dr. Lobotomy: "Well, there may be some truth to that last one, I'm afraid..."

Dr. Lobotomy climbs in to a complicated-looking chair, and immediately the sound of small motors and humming equipment starts up.

Dr. Lobotomy: "I was much younger, and I was trying to convince the Imperium that human tissue, especially brain and nervous tissue, could be integrated into their weaponry to make it more efficient. They would not hear of it--my ideas disgusted them, you see, so I had no choice but use myself as a test subject.

Dr. Lobotomy (now apparently bald): "My experiment was a success, and it changed the way the Imperium viewed my work, but unfortunately I was poisoned during the test. Some of my associates said I lost my head, other that I had only lost my mind...but they were both quite wrong, you see...

Dr. Lobotomy: "For what I actually lost, Agent Spencer, was merely my entire body!"

Dr. Lobotomy: "And as you can see, this has opened up an entire new world of possibilities! And it has changed the way the Galactic Imperium looks at the world as well."

Dr. Lobotomy: "The GI fears me, as well they should, but they need me as well! They know my ingenious fusion of man and machine will help them to destroy Aurelia! And tame the Marauders as well."

Dr. Lobotomy: "Take this brilliant surgical suit, for example. With this suit I can do the work it would formerly have taken three or four master surgeons to accomplish! And it's so comfortable too."

Dr. Lobotomy: "So come and observe, young Agent Spencer, as we 'extract' the whereabouts of your missing Isotopium 7 from this Maxwell Bauer...and then we will convert him into the ULTIMATE SUPER SOLDIER! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Junior Agent: "OK, uh, Super soldier?...wait, what? Holy crap!"

fin