Steed Likes To Rocket, The Wombles Have To Pack It

Steed Likes to Rocket, The Wombles Have to Pack It is the fifth chapter in the Wombles Three.

“Bungo do you want another dog?” she asked.  “Yes please!” he replied eagerly.  Cathy gave him Dr King.  Bungo called him Burger.

Yippee Uncle Bulgaria was delighted that Mrs Peel had suddenly started being like a dog and run off.  “Yay I’ve got my job back!” he said and went in GUBCWO.  There was a letter in there addressed to GUBCW.  Woohoo I’m In Charge Again Uncle Bulgaria noticed the name had been crossed out and his own written over it.  It had said ESP.  “ESP? Who do they think are?” he muttered to himself.  “Tobermory!” he shouted through the inter burrow phone.  “No need to shout Bulgaria.” Tobermory answered (dressed as himself).  “I didn’t shout Bulgaria.  I shouted Tobermory.  Please bring me your brightest ink.”  Tobermory brought in some bright red ink.

Woohoo I’m In Charge Again Uncle Bulgaria wrote over his name.  Now it said a new address but no name.  It was random because he didn’t want the letter. The address was 110 Station Street, Wimbledon, London.

The postman took the letter and saw 110 on it.  The rest of the ink had been smeared in the rain.  He drove to Avengers HQ and gave the letter to One Ten. Pickles and Burger chased the postman quickly away.  “Funny looking dogs” said the Postman to nobody in particular.  He didn’t see Bungo.  “My dogs are NOT funny looking!” he shouted and knocked the postman out.

Later a coffin was delivered to Mrs Peel’s house.  She opened it. (She had stopped being Pickles now) There was no one inside it, just a piece of paper.  At the top it had, “Happy Death Day To You” writing in bold, then some lyrics that went something like this:

Happy death day to you, Happy death day to you, happy death day dear Mrs Peel, happy death day to you!

She heard someone singing it.  The voice sounded familiar.  She turned the paper round and on the other side it said, “By Venus King.”

Later Mrs Peel told Tara about it.  “Are you suggesting,” asked Tara, “That Venus isn’t actually dead?”  “I’m taking it that’s the case.” Replied Mrs Peel, forgetting all about when Tara went crazy because of jealousy and tried to kill Venus.  Suddenly she remembered but it was too late now.  Tara had sneakily taken Mrs Peel’s gun during the conversation and went off to find Venus.  Mrs Peel shrugged and said, “I understand her feelings.”  She was referring to her wanting to kill Cathy.

Even later Bungo found Mrs Peel in MEPO.  Oh-No-I’ve-Lost-My-Job-Again Uncle Bulgaria was upset.  “Mrs Peel” said Bungo.  “I recorded a conversation I had with Cathy earlier and I don’t think she’s up to any tricks at all.  Would you like me to play it for you?”  “Well obviously” said Mrs Peel, so he did.

Cathy: Tell you what Bungo?

Bungo: No what?

Cathy: I found this tail on my trousers earlier.  I thought the chairs were lumpy because of my pregnancy but it turns out someone had put a tail on me.

Bungo: Oh

Cathy: Would you like it for your Mrs Peel dog?

Bungo: Yes please

Mrs Peel paused.  “Mrs Peel dog?”  “Yes. There was a dog that looked just like you.” Replied Bungo.  “Ok then. But that Wellington!  When I told him to put a tail on her I didn’t mean literally!”

Back in Paradise, everyone was enjoying themselves, when there was a loud rumble from above.  Everyone froze in shock then a shadowy figure fell in.  “Well then ESP” they said.  “Do you have everyone I told you to get yet?”  “No” replied ESP.  “There are two more.”  “Who then?” asked the shadowy figure.  “The Steeds.” Replied ESP.  The shadowy figure was confused.  “There’s more than one Steed?”  ESP rolled her eyes and said, “I mean Steed and his wife.”  “Steed has a wife?  Why did you not tell me?”  “I thought you knew!”  “Well then who is it?”  “Cathy.” “Right then.  Anyway I’m off back home.  Living on the planet I’m named after is quite interesting.”  And she flew off to Venus.

Steed was looking out of the window.  “Cathy come and look at this!” he said.  Cathy did.  “Is that a rocket?  Heading for Venus?” she asked.  “Yes it is” said Steed.  “Hang on! It’s my rocket!”  Steed picked up the TV remote and slid off the back panel. There were some buttons Cathy hadn’t seen before.  Steed pressed the home button and rocket turned around.  It was now heading back to Earth.

In the rocket Venus was getting frustrated it just wouldn’t do what she wanted. Steed pressed park after a bit. The garden opened up and the rocket reversed down into the ground.  He pressed sleep.  The rocket stopped, the garden closed up again and Venus tried to get out.  She couldn’t it was locked and pitch black inside!

“Hello Wellington” “Hello Orinoco, I say, can you help me with this please?” Orinoco shrugged and said, “Depends.” “Alright then, well, I’ve been working on my latest invention…” “You usually are.” “Um, yes, anyway, I’ve been trying to make a weapon that can’t miss.” “Oh!” Orinoco suddenly became interested.  “My problem is, I keep thinking I’ve successfully completed it, but then when I test it, instead of never missing, it always misses!”  “Well,” said Orinoco, pondering over the thought for a while.  “How about you use the opposite materials to the ones that you have been using?  Then maybe it’ll make it do the opposite.” “Yes I think that might just work. Thankyou Orinoco, I’m off to try it.” “Your welcome, but I prefer biscuits instead of thankyous.” “If you want a biscuit, ask Madame Cholet.” “Ok.”

When Orinoco arrived in the kitchen, Madame Cholet was rather busy. “I am sorry Orinoco but there is no time right now!  I must continue work or everything will go wrong and wombles will not get their dinner! So get out of my kitchen!”  Orinoco was upset and said, “I just want one biscuit, that’s all.”  “Once again, I am busy!  Get out of my kitchen!”  So Orinoco did.  “I wonder what she was cooking?” he asked himself after closing the doors behind him. Then he just shrugged and went to have forty winks.

What Madame Cholet had meant was that if she didn’t continue cooking what she was currently cooking, she would not get round to cooking the dinner. Because what she was currently cooking was actually a potion.  She was trying to make a potion that did every bad thing possible to the one that drank it.

Woof Uncle Bulgaria had turned into a dog like Mrs Peel and Dr King. Tobermory knocked on the GUBCWO door and just got a growl for a reply.  He ran away.  Then something very strange happened.  All the working wombles and Mrs Peel got down on all fours, howled and scampered off to the old burrow.

“Well done for coming so quickly doggies!” said ESP.  She opened a door in the wall of the old burrow.  There was a much larger area behind it.  Ronda, POL and Melville were waiting with collars and leads.  Each one had the name of a womble on it.  The door was shut and locked then ESP, Ronda, POL and Melville began tying the wombles to kennels.  The walls had images of vicious dogs.  With words World Order Of Fiends written on each one.  Also known as WOOF.

The womblets were confused.  “Why did Miss Adelaide just get on all fours and run away?” asked one to another. “I’m not sure.” Replied the other. “Perhaps we should follow her?” All the womblets agreed to this. But they couldn’t find her anywhere! “It seems she’s left the burrow.” Said one.  “And so have everyone else except for us!” said another.  Just then Steed came in.  “Hello womblets” he said.  “Miss Adelaide just left with everyone else, so I’ll be teaching you now.”  “Where was she off to?” asked one.  “I’m not sure,” replied Steed.  “Anyway time for your basic combat training!”  “Why do we need Wombat training?  We’re not Wombat!” said one.  Steed slapped his forehead.  The womblets all slapped it too.  “Ow!” he said.  “Stop that!” So they did.