Broadcast News (Dave & Friends)

**Broadcast News** is the second episode of Dave & Friends.

## Plot/Full Story

### Prologue

As the beginning of "Dave's Boogie" plays in the background, RoboSoft 3 gives the following opening spiel: "Around the world, across your nation and up your street, this is 41 Action News. With anchorpersons davemadson and Rhonda Raven." Dave and Rhonda introduce themselves.

### Story 1: World War III

Dave reports that "rifts between rich and poor, liberal and conservative, race and race, and religious groups and secular organizations" has jeopardized the lives of over 7 billion people. 90% of a new poll, he adds, says that the animals are winning.

### Story 2: "Tiny" Tony Tonelli's Death

Rhonda reports that the city's oldest citizen, "Tiny" Tony Tonelli, has passed away at the age of 117 and that City Hall was unable to find his parents because they had died before him. Dave challenges Rhonda to say the full name of the deceased citizen 12 times fast, which Rhonda declines.

### Story 3: Rivetania Flooding

Dave reports that floods had devastated the Mississippi-Missouri River System, but is nothing compared to that of tiny island nation Rivetania, and brings us to Abby Jenkins, who is standing on one of the few dry land spots left in all of Rivetania. The city behind her is almost completely submerged. She shows us the City Hall, the area where the shopping center used to be and where the high school used to be. Finally, after calling this the worst flood Rivetania has ever seen, Abby brings us back to Dave and Rhonda.

### Traffic Report

Dave transfers to new character Kitty Hawkes, who reports that traffic is flowing on all major roads and that there is a massive back-up on Highway 309 just south of downtown, the cause of which is unknown but is believed to have something to do with the recent heatwave.

### Story 4: Tantrums

Rhonda informs us that tantrums are quite normal within children, but can be harmful as people get older. She then brings us to Beulah Glover at the Franklin D. Flanigan Memorial Hospital, where she has been speaking with Dr. Sigmund Colonna, head of psychology. Dr. Colonna states that he has seen many cases involving people who have had tantrums, most of which were little kids. He then tells Beulah that these happen because of the child's id, which makes them want what they want when they want it. Tantrums, according to him, "play no favorites with respect to age". One of his patients, Microsoft Sam, has been giving him possibly the most trouble. Sam feels jealous of davemadson and Wally Warner being superior to him in the davemadson enterprises inc. studio, and often takes his frustrations out on Scotty B. Free (aka Radar Overseer Scotty). He keeps firing Scotty over trivial matters, but Dave and Wally veto the firings. Footage is shown of just one of the many tantrums Sam has thrown over the years. Dr. Colonna detected a "festering tic" in Sam's brain and carefully removed it, although he occasionally suffers relapses. Beulah remarks that it reminds her of vintage "Saturday Night Live" episodes, while Dr. Colonna states that it's classically referred to as the "John Belushi-Chris Farley Syndrome". They had planned to show more of the interview, Beulah continues, but the cameras had cut out when Dr. Colonna himself threw a tantrum when two practical jokers who go by "Mr. Sphincter" and "Ms. Rectum" heckled him. She is then interrupted by an announcement on the intercom for Dr. Brackett, Dr. Early, Dr. Pierce, Dr. Greene and Dr. Howard to report to emergency due to possible suicide. As she was saying, Dr. Colonna's tantrum knocked the cameras out and hurled Beulah to the floor. Dave identifies the type of tantrum Sam threw in the footage shown as the "Katie Ka-Boom Syndrome".

### Story 5: Alexis Stonebridge's Suicide

Dave reports that a woman jumped from the 50th floor of the tallest building of the city to her death and takes us to Harvey Zilth, who reports at the emergency entrance to the hospital that well-known supermodel Alexis Stonebridge, who had posed for products like Scudzo Mouthwash and Half-Nelson Hairspray, was rushed to the hospital on emergency, where she was pronounced dead on arrival. "Lexi," as close friends called her, had been through a painful divorce three months ago and wanted control of her life back when the WHW Model Agency, for which she worked, shut down due to a scandal involving its owner, Warren H. Webster. Having nothing left for which to live, she threw herself from her apartment window to the street below. Her co-workers are very saddened by this and funeral arrangements are pending. Dave picks up where Harvey left off and says that Mr. Webster's attorney says the surviving models will set up a memorial fund to honor the late Alexis Stonebridge.

### Weather

Rhonda introduces the gang's chief meteorologist, Microsoft Zira, with a weather report. Zira reports that they've enjoyed a break in the heat pattern with much-needed rain, but didn't get as much as Rivetania did. Despite this, Abby still made it back quickly. After her report, she ripped her way through the ocean, overtaking a school of great white sharks and even subdued one that would not stop nipping at her feet. Abby admits she had a close encounter with that shark, but she at least says they'll have a week's worth of shark steaks. Zira also encourages Abby to bring lots of tartar sauce.

#### Current conditions:

Airport: 75°F/23.9°C/297 K

Downtown: 77°F/25°C/298.2 K

Studio: 77°F/25°C/298.2 K

#### Tonight's forecast:

Fair skies with lows in the upper 60s downtown and mid-60s in the suburbs.

#### Tomorrow's forecast:

Mostly sunny and pleasant with highs in the lower to mid-80s.

#### Outlook for the next five days:

Pleasant weather throughout with little to no rain.

Dave tells Zira to include him on the shark steaks and that they'll look good on their propane gas grill. Rhonda tells Dave that she can subdue a shark with her bare hands just like Abby, which Dave calls "Jaws in reverse."

### Sports

Dave brings us to Microsoft Mike, who reports that Pete Quimby shot a birdie, two eagles and a crew to win the James Gurney Blanston Open by three strokes over Hunter Wilcox. He also jokes that a leader in the final round, Liam Downes, only had one stroke and was rushed to the hospital and given a blood transfusion from Alexis Stonebridge, mentioned in story 5. Mike then reports that the Alliance of American Football may have suffered a premature demise and that the XFL is still months away from its inaugural season. However, the Global Football League began play the week this episode was posted, and a few of the scores are as follows.

#### Local:

Tigers: 33 | Bulldogs: 27

Wildcats: 8 | Wolverines: 44

Pelicans: 59 | Frogs: 0

#### Nationwide:

Los Angeles: 23 | San Francisco: 14

Juneau: 13 | Fairbanks: 10

Kroenkes: 30 | St. Louis: 2

Hammertown and Rivetania: postponed due to flooding, mentioned in story 3.

Mike mentions that it is unknown for sure when Rivetania's flooding will recede and they may consider forfeiting the entire season. As soon as this happens, Dave continues, they will have to repair their stadium and re-soil the field. Rhonda jokes that their team is "all washed up".

### ***BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!***

An update on the cause of the traffic snarl on Highway 309 mentioned before is revealed as Kitty Hawkes enters the news studio. Kitty does not have time to change clothing but tells Dave and Rhonda exactly what happened. She was able to get a close-up on the cause of the snarl, which turned out to be Vulcanna Ash in street clothes, frustrated at being booted from Hades. Kitty tried to fly in the direction of the nearest law enforcement agency, but she was soon spotted. Vulcanna requested that Kitty take her to the davemadson enterprises building, but Kitty refused, knowing Dave is already spoken for. Vulcanna retaliated by firing a bullet at Kitty. The blast left her unable to fly, so she tried to orient herself to the nearest swimming pool. Fortunately for her, the pool at the El Cheapo Motel had just been re-filled. She did the "dead person's float" for a few minutes until Vulcanna's laughter faded away, swam to the edge of the pool, climbed out of the water, dried herself off and raced to the studio as fast as she could. She also says that they didn't catch Vulcanna, but Dave assures her that she'll be safe in the news studio; none of their guards allows intruders while newscasts are being done. Rhonda advises all residents to be on the lookout for Vulcanna, but Vulcanna soon enters. Kitty ducks and covers and Vulcanna grabs Dave, who wonders how Vulcanna got past the guards. Vulcanna explains that their weapons were useless against her powers and she zapped them into T-bone steaks. Dave remarks that he has just lost his appetite. Vulcanna tells all that is watching that unless they do as she says, she will take Dave to Hades with her.

### Technical Difficulties

#### Please Stand By

As five fast echoing "Shush the Shush the Shush the Sheesh" soundbites play, RoboSoft 3 assures the viewers that they will return as soon as the situation in the studio is under control, after which six fast echoing "hseehS eht hsuhS eht hsuhS eht hsuhS" ("Shush the Shush the Shush the Sheesh" in reverse) soundbites play.

### Epilogue

We return to Dave and Rhonda, the former of which reports that just before Vulcanna was about to take him away, Kitty leapt out from behind the news desk, crotch-kicked Vulcanna four times and injected a serum which rendered her powerless. Police have taken Vulcanna into custody and we can relax once more. In other news, a last-minute truce to end World War III, mentioned in story 1, has been signed before the world's deadliest weapons could be used. Rhonda remarks that with two disasters averted, it's been quite a news day. Dave agrees and signs off as Edward R. Murrow would: "Good night and good luck".

## Trivia

* First appearance of Kitty Hawkes.
* In the first storyline reset, Alexis Stonebridge's Suicide has been cut out after she been saved by the superfriends in Astromadson's Adventures of Microsoft Sam and Friends 9: Super Friends Save the Supermodel.
* In the second storyline reset, he cut out the Rivetania after it been saved in Astromadson's Adventures of Microsoft Sam and Friends 10: Team Lindoso Saves Rivetania, or, Pedro Stops the Storm.

## Transcript

See this page.

"Sam's Job Interview" • "Broadcast News" • "Sam Sees a Psychologist" • "Ski Trip" • "A Night at the Movies" • "A Day in Court"

**Dave & Friends**
"The Abduction" • "**Broadcast News**" • "High and Flighty" • "Sam's Search for Romance" • "Abby's Search for Romance" • "John's Problem, or, Can't We Just Get Along?" • "Maxed Out" • "Abby's Cat-astrophes" • "The Case of Sam's Cold Cases" • "The Big Stink" • "It's Just a Sheesh Thing" • "Kitty's Identity Crisis" • "More Power to You" • "In Not-So-Simple English" • "The Honeymooners Return" • "Rhonda and Wanda's Big Surprise" • "The Most Devious Conspiracy Untold - Part 1" • "The Most Devious Conspiracy Untold - Part 2" • "The Big Party at the Studio" • "Farewell, Our Heroes" • "New Chapter, New Friends" • "An Upside-Down Arrival" • "A Vacation in El Mao Island"