Rats Like Cheese

Rats Like Cheese is the ninth chapter in the Wombles Six.

Bungo woke up and realised that Mrs Peel had escaped.  He tried to call Commander Bulgaria but got the wrong number.  A missile was flying towards Bungo.  He had dialled a deadly number!  Quickly he leapt onto the Bungomobile and raced away.

Commander Bulgaria was standing motionless with a gun against his head.  The gun was held by Baron Von Vomble.  The other wombles were tied up together against the wall in the Hyde Park burrow.

Mr Teddy Bear was laughing evilly.  His first batch of blood biscuits had gone Tescbury.  He phoned Steed.  Steed answered.  “Hello?” “Bananas” said Mr Teddy Bear. Steed bent his arms like bananas and knocked himself out.  “What?” said the other New Avengers.  “He needs qoffee!” said Frankie.

Mrs Peel and Katy were shocked when they got to SCAR HQ.  Venus was there!  And alive! “But… how…” said Mrs Peel.  “I am leader, you cannot be leader!” said Venus and pointed an RPG launcher at them.

Steed appeared and pointed an umbrella at all of them.  Bungo appeared and helped Steed by pointing a deadly hot cross bun at the others.  Katy took Steed’s umbrella & wrote ‘KP’ all over it. Mrs Peel took Bungo’s hot cross bun & ate it. Venus was getting fed up. “Sing for me!” she snapped to Katy. “Um…” said Katy then started singing. “California girls, we’re undeniable!” “No you’re not!” snapped Venus. “Sing something else!” Katy replied by singing, “This is how we do! Yeah! Chilling, laid back, straight stunting, yeah, we do it like that!” “What?” said Venus.

Another person came along. “Katy! What on Earth were you doing yesterday?” Katy started to sing, but Venus slapped her. “Oh, for goodness’ sakes!” she snapped. “This is insane.” Said Steed. “Why?” asked Katy. “Well, Venus is alive and, well, has no-one else noticed that the other person who was talking to Katy is Tara?”

Katy, Mrs Peel, Tara, Venus & the 15 thousand former concert watchers ran away. Katy, Mrs Peel, their hypnosis victims & Tara all ended up outside a supermarket. Venus ended up in a field that she had no idea where was.

It turned out that Tara had somehow become a close friend of Katy. The whole team went into the supermarket & stole a pack of Jammy Redharts(some new biscuits)to eat. “This jam tastes rather unique.” Said Katy, laughing. She did this rather a lot. “I wonder what it’s made of. Personally, I love it.” She laughed again. “Why do you wear a blue wig & weird bikini all the time, by the way?” asked Mrs Peel. Katy just shrugged & laughed manically.

A mince pie appeared in the field Venus was in. Venus picked it up & tried eating it. It didn’t taste of anything & it was doing something weird but Venus wasn’t quite sure what. Then the inside started oozing out but still going in her mouth. Then she figured out the weird thing. “This mince pie is taking my ability to speak!” she gasped, struggling to say it. The mince pie then said in Venus’s voice, “It has worked!”.

Steed was drinking qoffee and wondering why he had knocked himself out.  “Time to catch some rats” he said afterwards.  “How?” asked Murdock.  “Cheese fool!” said B A.  “Rats sure do like cheese!” added Hannibal.  “Can you sort out the cheese Murdock?” asked Steed.  “That is an affirmative Major!” Murdock replied and flew off in the helicopter to buy cheese.  He bought quite a lot of cheese.  “Major Steed we need a fleet of bombers, big bombers” Murdock told Steed on the phone.  “No problem Captain” replied Steed.  “I am not going on no plane!” said B A.

Face knocked him out with a big piece of stilton.  The New Avengers all climbed into helicopters and bombers.  Steed flew one helicopter, Murdock the other.  Face, Johnny, McSteed, Hannibal, Frankie flew the bombers. They left B A with Thomas and Lucy.

B A woke up bleary eyed with Thomas and Lucy bouncing on him.  “You fools!  Itty bitty toddle wobblers should never bounce on their child minder!  Give me 5!” he shouted.  Thomas and Lucy high fived him.  B A smiled and started to play itty bitty babies with them.

Meanwhile the other New Avengers were flying over SCAR HQ.  They dropped the giant cheeses.  The whole of SCAR HQ plus miles around was now under an 100 feet thick mature cheddar. Earlier Mr Teddy Bear’s factory as squashed by a giant piece of Swaledale.

Colonel Decker was flying his private mini-jet towards the huge Vomble Airship.  He parked underneath it as quietly as he could then threw his Deckerang onto the entrance.  It didn’t take long to climb up the airship but surprisingly lots of random celebrities appeared at windows for a chat.  He leapt into a room with Commander Bond tied up at gun point.  “It’s over Baron, you’re going UP THE RIVER!” shouted Colonel Decker.  Bond suddenly freed himself and hit Baron Von Vomble with the ropes.

He started fighting Baron Von Vomble to music.  “What is that music?” asked Colonel Decker.  “The Bond theme, James Bond theme” replied Bond.  “Try this” said Decker.  They both fought Baron Von Vomble to the A Team theme.  Baron Von Vomble now stopped fighting.  “Try zis!” he said.  Now they fought to another tune that went na na, na na, na na, na na. Then another man came in through the window in a dark costume with a cape and his pants on the outside. “Batman!” he sang at the end of the tune.

“You’re going UP THE RIVER!” shouted Batman and took Baron Von Vomble, Commander Bond and Colonel Decker to prison.