Career Fear

### Characters (in order of appearance)

Space Tree, SpeshDiv Robot, The Commander, Commander's Mom, Allon, Stabby McGee (easter egg)

## Credits

### Credits

none

5 YEARS AGO... Space Tree was paired up with some idiot 12 years-old.

## Transcript

*(roll opening credits)*

**-5 YEARS AGO-**

*(cut to Space Tree sleeping)*

**SPACE TREE:** Zzz... Right away, Agent Scully...

*(the SpeshDiv robot rolls up and starts punching him)*

**SPESHDIV ROBOT:** Attention, Space Tree! Wake up and report to the docking bay, forthwith!

**SPACE TREE:** Forthwith?

**SPESHDIV ROBOT:** You heard me!

**SPACE TREE:** All right! All right! Just stop doing that!

**SPESHDIV ROBOT:** I'm just doing my job, sir! *(in sorta-deeper voice)* And lovin' it! Oh, baby! Uh! Uh! Uh!

*(cut to docking bay)*

**SPESHDIV ROBOT:** Congratulations. You are on the last step to starting your career as a space cap-i-tain, Space Tree. Today is the arrival of your Commander, who you will be working with for the next few weeks.

**SPACE TREE:** Yeah, is this part of the training really as bad as everyone says it is?

**SPESHDIV ROBOT:** Hell yeah. Commanders are all spoiled little bastards. Wait 'til you see this one; I hear he's a real son of a-

*(Young Commander enters (throughout the episode, he wears a "I'm 12" t-shirt)*

**YOUNG COMMANDER:** What did you just say, robot?

**SPESHDIV ROBOT:** Uh... Beep, beep, boop. I didn't say anything, sir. I was just malfunctioning, talking about myself. Not you, Commander.

**YOUNG COMMANDER:** So, where is this space captain trainee so I can get this over with? If you keep me waiting any longer, my dad'll have you fired into space and then crushed.

**SPESHDIV ROBOT:** He's right here, oh gracious Commander, sir. Please don't fire me; I've got 10 kids to feed!

**YOUNG COMMANDER:** What're you talking about? All I see here is this tree. And what's a tree doing inside, anyway? I mean, how's it gonna form a cocoon and evolve into a butterfly?

**SPACE TREE:** Uh, I'm the guy you're workin' with, Commander.

**YOUNG COMMANDER:** What the- That tree just talked! It's a monster! A TREE monster!

*(he screams and hurls himself out a window)*

**SPACE TREE:** He's not gonna be doing that the whole time, is he?

**SPESHDIV ROBOT:** *(in different voice)* Uh... Beep Beep Boop. Error 404. Answer not found.

**SPACE TREE:** Stop it. That's not even your real voice.

**SPESHDIV ROBOT:** *(in different voice II)* Hey, who told you?

**YOUNG COMMANDER:** A Monster!...

*(cool transition sequence)*

*(cut to Space Tree in the classroom)*

**SPACE TREE:** OK, this is apparently how this thing works. I need to train you to the proper "intelligence level" *(as he says this, some guy makes air quotes)* so you can pass the test and become a space admiral, which will somehow *also* prove that I have the skills to become a space captain. So, basically, the only way we can get through this is with the power of teamwork. And that's gonna be hard if you're wearing that blindfold.

*(we see the Commander, sitting at a desk, with a blue blindfold on)*

**YOUNG COMMANDER:** Look, I'll take this off when I'm ready. I'm just not prepared to look at you yet. You're like... a monster tre- have you seen how you look? You got like this creepy-ass tree big mouth on you and like a It just like friggin' freaks me out, man! I think to understand how I feel, you really need to have eyes.

**SPACE TREE:** All right, let's not start on who does or doesn't have eyes, all right?

**YOUNG COMMANDER:** Hey, check it out. It's like I'm blind. Heh. *(jumps on top of his desk)* I am Daredevil! The man without fear! Ha!

*(he leaps over to S. Tree; his blindfold falls off)*

**SPACE TREE:** ... Your blindfold fell off.

**YOUNG COMMANDER:** AAAAA!!!

*(cool transition sequence II)*

*(cut to a doodle of Space Tree and Commander's Mom on the phone)*

**NARRATOR:** And so, Space Tree called the Commander's parents and had a very non-animation-worthy telephone conversation.

*(cut to Space Tree hanging up the phone)*

**SPACE TREE:** Man, their whole family's retarded...

*(Young Commander leaps in, with another blindfold; this one has fake eyes drawn on it)*

**YOUNG COMMANDER:** Check it out, Space Tree, I can look at you now. I'm not afraid anymore.

**SPACE TREE:** Yeah, look kid I've got some baaaad news. Your parents are cutting of all your credit cards and abandon you here until you finish the training.

**YOUNG COMMANDER:** They what? *(draws angry eyebrows on the blindfold)* After all I did for them, too- those selfish, ingrateful ungrates!

**SPACE TREE:** Yeah, well, boo-friggin-hoo. I'm gonna be stuck into this thing as well apparently, since you're so dumb that you can't finish the training.

**YOUNG COMMANDER:** *(rips his blindfold off)* Hey! No one calls the Commander an idiot.

**SPACE TREE:** I didn't call you an idiot, I said you were dumb.

**YOUNG COMMANDER:** Well, it looks like were both gonna be in the saaaaaame boat then. Both betrayed by our environments.

**SPACE TREE:** Yeah, whatever you say, Commander. By the way, your blindfold came off again.

**YOUNG COMMANDER:** Oh, would you look at that, I didn't even realize. I guess I'm really not afraid any less.

**SPACE TREE:** Uh, I think you mean "any more", Commander.

**YOUNG COMMANDER:** Oh yeah? Hey look at that, I'm learning already. Maybe we could get through this training after all. Or is it "after none"?

**SPACE TREE:** No it is "after all", you were right the first time. And maybe we could get through this training then. Glad to hear you're on board, Commander. Let's get to work.

**YOUNG COMMANDER:** AAAAA!!!

(cool scene transition, says "LET'S GET TO WORK")

*(cut to Space Tree & Commander in the classroom)*

**SPACE TREE:** All right, so welcome to the REAL first day of training.

**YOUNG COMMANDER:** Welcome to yourself, Space Tree!

**SPACE TREE:** Now, the usual time for a team to finish the training is about three weeks. But, you know what? I've got a feeling we could do it in four.

**YOUNG COMMANDER:** Hell yeah, we could! Because we're gifted.

**SPACE TREE:** We sure are. Now, let's get started. *(pan over to chalkboard; a triangle is drawn on it)* What we have here is a triangle. It has three sides, and-

**YOUNG COMMANDER:** *(talking to himself over Space Tree)* This thing is so easy. I'll be able to pass that test in no time!

*(4 YEARS LATER)*

**SPACE TREE:** All right, now let's go over this again. This is a *triangle*.

**COMMANDER:** TRI-angle? More like... *bi*-angle!

**ALLON:** A-Ha ha ha ha... ugh.

*(the end)*

## Easter Eggs

* At the end click on the hidden SpeshDiv eyes for an alternate version of his "and loving it" line in which his eyeballs explode.
* Click on Commander's eyes to get an easter egg with Commander X and Stabby McGee.

### Transcript

**-25 Years Later-**

**OLD COMMANDER:** Triangle? More like "bi-angle"!

*(enter Stabby McGee!)*

**STABBY MCGEE:** A-ha! You already said that 25 years ago, you repetitive son of a bitch!

**OLD COMMANDER:** Man, what's up with your face?

## Fun Facts

* This is the first episode with no end credits.
* While Space Tree is informing the Commander that he's been abandoned 'aband'ning' flashes on the screen.
* The sign to Space Tree's right (your left) in the first scene reads 'Vertical Sleeping Bay'.
* When The Commander says "Triangle, more like 'bi-angle'" Allon (off screen) has a really weird smile.

## References

* Space Tree teaches the Commander about Triangles
* Stabby McGee already said a very similar line to the one in the easter egg in Stabby's Revenge, that repetitive son of a bitch!
* Error 404 is the HTTP error File not Found.