Light the Match

"**Light the Match**" is a song from The PAIGE-riarchy!.

## Lyrics

**[Gwendolyn,spoken]**

Now, Bitsy, I said my tassels were tingling and they're never wrong

This place is a charity powder keg

**[Bitsy, spoken]**

Well, how do we set it off?

What's that sound?

**[Gwendolyn, spoken]**

That's the sound of money

**[Gwendolyn]**

Here we go, this is it

It's time, grab your pens

Can you feel it in the air?

Electricity is everywhere

**[Bitsy, spoken]**

What the hell is happening?

**[Helen, spoken]**

I don't know. These people are weird

**[Gwendolyn]**

Look at you, Mrs. Wells

Look at you, Mrs. Cook

Are your fingers getting itchy on your own checkbook?

It's a golden opportunity you cannot overlook

Write a check, write a check, write a check

It's so thrilling and exciting and so terribly inviting

Write a check

**[Guests]**

What the heck

**[Gwendolyn]**

Any number you can get

Fill it out on the line we are running out of time

You will all feel fine when you write your check

**[Bitsy, spoken]**

My goodness. I had no idea this was so exciting

**[Gwendolyn, spoken]**

Leave it to me. We're just getting started

**[Gwendolyn]**

Just wallow in their beauty. Just gaze into their eyes

These frisky little foxes always ready to surprise

They just need a little push that only money can provide

**[Guests]**

Only money can provide and that we've got

**[Gwendolyn]**

And your philanthropic tendencies will fill me up with pride

**[Guests]**

Feels so good inside

**[Bitsy, spoken]**

I kinda wanna donate some money now

Kidding. But, this is fun.

**[Gwendolyn]**

The more you give, the more you get

Those little darlings won't forget

They'll proliferate with attitude and do it out of gratitude

I'm running out of platitudes and now I'm out of breath

**[Gwendolyn and Guests]**

Write a number on the line

We are running out of time

Then we'll all feel fine

When we write our check

**[Bitsy, spoken]**

We need more to get your off the list

I mean, the foxes off the endangered species list

**[Gwendolyn,spoken]**

I know how we can raise twice as much

**[Bitsy, spoken]**

Twice as much? How?

**[Gwendolyn,spoken]**

Light the match

**[Bitsy, spoken]**

What?

**[Gwendolyn]**

There's a stipulation, but it doesn't have a catch

All you have to do. One little tiny thing

Barely any effort and it doubles all the cash

All you have to do

**[Gwendolyn and Guests]**

Light the match

**[Helen, spoken]**

What's "light the match"?

**[Bitsy,spoken]**

Some wackadoodle charity gibberish that's going to get me higher on the magazine's list

**[Gwendolyn]**

Everyone here thinks the same thing

Let's chip in whatever we can

**[Guests]**

And we can

**[Gwendolyn]**

The sky's the limit and there is no gimmick

All you have to do is step right up and raise your little hand

**[Bitsy, spoken]**

Remind me, what happens when I light the match?

**[Gwendolyn,spoken]**

The number doubles

**[Bitsy, spoken]**

Oh, yes, of course.

And that's all I have to do?

**[Gwendolyn]**

Mhm

You see, It's very simple. Only elementary math

**[Gwendolyn and Guests]**

All you have to do

One tiny little thing

**[Gwendolyn]**

A simple proclamation that's so easy to dispatch

**[Gwendolyn and Guests]**

Step up to the mic, light the match

**[Bitsy]**

I'll light the match!