Dick Kahkay

Richard "Dick" Kahkay is a lead character in *Universe Journey*, a segment of *It's All Been Done Radio Hour.* It is unknown what his middle name is, though every letter of the alphabet has been said to be his middle initial at one time or another.

**First appearance:** *Universe Journey* #1.01 "God Man."

**Actor:** Nick Arganbright

## **Personal Life**

Kahkay grew up in Buffalo, New York. He is the first human sexist in centuries. He is a known womanizer, but unlike most braggarts, his sexual skills are equal to his claims. He tends to rub some people the wrong way and charm others, but he is a most capable officer and leader.

## **Notable** **Romantic Partners**

* Grace Thomas - Although Kahkay has never actually dated Grace, he considers her the 'one who got away.' Now, ready to settle down, Kahkay hopes he can make himself good enough for Grace.
* Who Grappa - Kahkay claims to have had a magnetic attraction to Who before learning she was female, though he did not act on it. Once he learned, Kahkay pursued Who openly in what could definitely be considered harassment until a friendship formed between them. They never officially dated.
* Zee - A highly advanced life form that began crushing on Kahkay after he outsmarted her. Thus far, he has rejected her advances.
* Hannah Meyers - A fellow A.S.S. officer who served with Kahkay just after graduation. Their relationship was purely sexual, at least on his end. Hannah would, coincidentally, go on to serve as Grace's XO for a time. Hannah was one of Kahkay's three longest relationships.
* Jo'Quil - A war-like alien prone to jealousy who was one of Kahkay's three longest relationships ("Eee Zee Aaa").
* Marcy - The only woman known to ever break up with Kahkay, and one of his three longest relationships ("Eee Zee Aaa").
* The *Thrifty*'s barber, who Kahkay apparently blew off then slept with, necessitating traveling to Starbase Rana every time he needs a haircut ("Waking Up Is Hard To Do").

## **Early** **Career**

Enrolling in the A.S.S. as a young man, Kahkay was valedictorian of his class at the academy, where he also slept with at least 1,000 people. He had two best friends while at school, Grace Thomas and Garry Marshall. Garry was his best friend and wing man. Kahkay had a more competitive relationship with Grace, often bickering. They never had a relationship, but she was the woman Kahkay would measure all other women by.

After graduating, Kahkay was assigned to the *A.S.S. Enterprise* alongside Grace. They competed, and he pulled ahead of her in career advancement, due to charm and luck as much as skill. However, after a disaster in which his brashness resulted in the death of his captain and Grace's leg being cut off, Kahkay stalled, falling into depression.

Grace was instrumental in bolstering Kahkay's spirits and getting him a second chance. She put her own reputation on the line to defend him. She was successful, with Kahkay bouncing back, and while she had been next in line for her own starsheep, Kahkay was given that posting first. Grace did not speak to him for years after (*Love's Lust Lost*).

## **Captain of the *A.S.S. Thrifty***

### **2424**

In 2424, Richard Kahkay took command of the *A.S.S. Thrifty,* reporting to Admiral Jamie Jamieson. It wasn't the fastest or biggest starsheep in the fleet, but it was his. He did not chose any of his senior staff, taking what the fleet assigned to him, which is how he wasn't aware that his first XO would be his best friend from the academy, Garry Marshall.

Kahkay's first assignment got off to a rocky start. He left Earth without his chief medical officer, who resigned the post. He clashed with his science officer, M-, and ignored his communications chief, Tokaladie. By the end of the mission, he had lost Garry, who was killed by an alien they encountered ("God Man").

Arriving back on Earth, Kahkay convinced Dr. Prudence Awshucks to join his crew and set back off. Quickly becoming best friends with Chief Engineer Foley, things began to go a lot smoother for Kahkay. He even invented a gambit that outwitted a much more advanced life form ("Trapped on the Bridge"). Although he did lose a lot of XOs after Garry, most to death. One, Harry Dirt, betrayed the crew ("The Conundrum With C'mons"). And Kahkay didn't realize his security chief, Lt. Who Grappa, was female until well into the mission, after which he promptly romantically pursued her.

### **2425**

In 2425, Kahkay was part of a misunderstanding with C'mon Captain Yeez. While Yeez and Kahkay worked valiantly to prevent all-out war between their peoples, others worked against them to force conflict. While Kahkay did eventually figure out who was behind the plot, he was not able to prevent war ("March to War" miniseries). Kahkay would continue to work with Yeez in secret to prevent casualties from the conflict.

Later that year, Kahkay encountered Grace and realized for the first time how upset she was with him over his promotion, even though she now had her own starsheep, too. They didn't exactly make up, but it did re-open communication channels between them ("Dirt In Your Eye").

Also, around this time, Tokaladie finally spoke up and helped Kahkay realize he was a sexist. Following this revelation, Kahkay made efforts to restrain himself and listen to his crew more, making him a better captain.

Near the end of 2425, Kahkay encountered Nathan Chestnut, a superhuman from an alternate time and dimension. Nathan was very dangerous, and killed Dr. Awshucks. Still, Kahkay couldn't bring himself to punish someone whose frame of reference was so different from theirs, so instead of capturing or killing Nathan, he marooned him on Earth's moon, which was an abandoned amusement park ("Defrosted"). Time traveler / dimension hoppers Packer & Ratcliff helped Kahkay mourn the loss by showing him life going on in many places ("Gather 'Round the Fire").

### **2426**

In 2426, Kahkay was assigned Admiral Jamieson as his XO because Kahkay had already lost so many and Jamieson was deemed temporarily unstable to continue serving over captains, though he retained his rank. Jamieson, like so many others, soon died, but unlike the others, came back to life ("Changes").

Early this year, Kahkay encountered Zee, a highly advanced being who took a keen interest in him. Kahkay outsmarted her, and so escaped, but knew she would be back ("It's All About Zee").

Traveling back in time, Kahkay met a woman from 20th century Earth named Jane. He fell in love with her, and spent weeks living in her apartment. In order to keep the timeline intact, M- murdered Jane. Kahkay had been softening towards, M-, but after this, held an even deeper grudge towards the science officer ("City of the Past That, In A Way, Exists Forever").

Around this time, Kahkay realized that he needed a confidante, struggling as he had been with some of his decisions, and so agreed to stop hitting on Who, now a doctor, if she'd let him confide in her ("It's a Trap!").

### **2427**

Early in 2427, Kahkay was kidnapped by Zee again. This time, she pretended to make him choose a Valentine's date from among his past girlfriends, but secretly wanted him for herself. Kahkay figured this out, but did not want to be with her, especially after realizing she was developmentally equivalent to a teenager ("Eee Zee Aaa").

Later that year, Kahkay represented his android pilot, Neu, in her desire to win her independence from the A.S.S. Kahkay won the court case, but Neu was told she would have to leave the *Thrifty* since she wasn't an A.S.S. officer ("Woman or Fauxman").

Kahkay had a brief chance to return to his hometown of Buffalo for a visit. While there, he realized that he wasn't the same man he had been, having changed much during his service, especially since becoming captain. M- followed him there and Kahkay told him off, telling the science officer that his groveling need was part of why Kahkay would never like him ("Going Home").

Kahkay answered a distress call near the C'mon border. Learning that Yeez, who had not been passing information to Kahkay in some time was suspected of espionage, Kahkay went out of his way to clear his name. Kahkay choose to secretly evacuate the crew of the *Thrifty* and let Yeez destroy the starsheep. This was not part of the official record, as Kahkay was concerned filling in A.S.S. Command on the arrangement would endanger Yeez further ("All Good Things...").

Back at Command, because Kahkay wouldn't reveal why he had allowed for the destruction, Kahkay was demoted and told he would never command a starsheep again. Compounding the problem, Foley's wife, Fitzy, had been the sole individual alive on the *Thrifty* at the time of its destruction, resulting in a furious Foley blaming Kahkay for her death ("*Universe Journey*: The Musical").

## **Commander of Eastwood Station**

### **2427**

A bit aimless, Kahkay laid low for a few months. We next saw him when Grace escorted him aboard the *Meru* to his new assignment, commanding Eastwood Station. Kahkay didn't realize the base was near the planet Surreptittia - M-'s people. Or that Tokaladie had passed on many plum assignments to be his XO at the dead-end job ("Do Not Disturb").

No sooner did Kahkay arrive at Eastwood Station than he was summoned to the planet below where Her Most High, head of Surreptittia, declared Kahkay was the Blessed One sent by their gods to lead them into a new era ("Mysterious Ways").