Semi-New York City

Semi-New York City is a city located within the state of New York. It is a very popular attraction in the U.S and is home to many different people. Semi-New York is one of the most populated cities in all of The United States, which of course means that you should avoid going there at all cost. People from all walks of life have gathered around, and I don't think you'd last that long. Anyways, although people and companies alike enjoy boasting about its status, they just have egos bigger than the Big Apple, because there is pretty much nothing noteworthy about it that stands out. The hodgepodge of people from all around the world doesn't count since it's not a good thing. People say that Semi-New York has such an impact on many parts of society... from entertainment, to finance, to deciding how much shit one could eat before it's considered "socially unacceptable." I can't say I agree, but I can't pretend that I disagree either. I mean, it does impact like everything. there's probably a secret evil villain's lair under the Empire State Building - but really? I don't think it was the city of Semi-New York that officially decided that you couldn't walk the streets naked - I strongly oppose cruel injustices such as those. I mean, you don't even see a problem in that, right? Why couldn't I walk down the sidewalk with my penis hanging out without anybody calling the police? Public nudity is something that needs to be normalized, and the inhabitants of Semi-New York would be a great way to get this cause up and going. I know you wouldn't want to help that old lady cross the road anymore, but you could also see your crush completely-naked, and it would be illegal to force them to remain in clothes. Yeah, I bet you agree with me after reading that, huh? So I suggest you start signing my petitions next time you see me at Poopscoop Park, and start seeing the bare ass of anyone, today.

## History

### Like, the very Beginning

Many, many years ago, like in the 1200's or something, the area that later became Semi-New York was originally inhabited by a fierce clan of warriors known as the Dr. Philers. These amazing creatures had bald heads, with slight grey hair and mustaches. The species was very advanced, and was able to develop the wheel on their own within just 2 months of their entire existence. They are also the ones to discover the egg that Steve Harvey was encased in when he was born. So, how exactly does literally anything about this relate to Semi-New York. Well, the answer is that it doesn't. But who wouldn't want to hear a sweet little history lesson on the spectacular Dr. Philers? The true origins of the Philers is unknown. Sure, one may question their relationship to the sexy beast known as Dr. Phil, but surprisingly enough, the two are entirely unrelated, and it's all total coincidence. Rumors have spread that Dr. Phil was working to bring the Philers back from extinction (spoiler), but I'm getting off topic. Some have suggested that they were sent here from Jupiter, the home planet of Dr. Phil, even though I just said that the two aren't at all related you dumbasses. Others have theorized that the species are an early form of human, even though the Philers drank oxygen and lacked any reproductive organs... uh, yeah sure. Regardless of how they came to be, one cannot the deny that the Philers are truly interesting. Research has shown that the Philers had an odd obsession with a unknown entity or natural occurance. Plenty of barely-surviving drawings exist depicting the Philers doing some sort of ritual next to a gigantic sweltering mass. It is unclear if this mass is something simple, like a cloud formation, that the Philers mistook for something totally different. Among the tattered, and ruined Philer objects is a scroll containing tons of text in a completely indecipherable language, but more importantly, a depiction the same large mass, but with what appear to be tentacles sticking out. These archaic doodles even go as far as to depict the tentacles seemingly grabbing a hold of multiple Philers. There is next to nothing that hints to what the strange drawings may mean, but most historians chalk up to be simply nothing but the Philers' vivid imaginations. Either way, the Philers ended up going extinct when Indonesian Ballsack Lickers migrated to the area, wiping out the population within days. I mean, the Philers had literal bows and arrows made, but c'mon, they were Indonesian Ballsack Lickers, so there was really never a chance.

### Under New Rule

So, tons and tons of years later, in like the 1600s, the area of past-Semi New York was found by a group of Brazilian Fart-Mongers. The Brazilian Fart-Mongers were shortly killed though, when the British arrived, and claimed the as a part of their territory... even though it's not even in the same country, but whatever. They needed to find more land in order to build more Ballsack-Bite manufacturing companies, and this was the perfect opportunity.

### Origins

New York City itself was first established in 1902 on 1st of December - meaning the very first December ever, since it was renamed from "Qwertspember" earlier that year. Originally, the city was just a small town named 'Yorkelton'. One of the most respectable figures in the town was business man, and great entrepreneur, Mr. Yorkle. Yorkle had done a great deed for the rather ordinary and insignificant town, earning barely enough money to provide all of its residents with working electricity. It was a monumental success. There wasn't a single person in the town that didn't love Mr. Yorkle. But even someone like Mr. Yorkle had no clue how to handle what was arguably the town's biggest problem... it had no name. The place never had an actual title, which explained its complete lack of appearance of any maps of the state. Many people had no clue that the place even existed. It was a big problem for the citizens, as no employer would hire someone that originates from a town that "doesn't exist." It had to be fixed quickly - and there was nobody else that people had looked to for solutions than Mr. Yorkle. Everyone thought that Yorkle, out of all people, would easily think of a moniker for their unrecognized settlement. But this was as much of a problem for even Yorkle. He had tried and tried, again and again, to think of any one name, but nothing would click. He got so desperate, that he would resort to basing the names off the first thing that would enter his mind... but alas it never led to a satisfying result. But Mr. Yorkle insured the public that he was hard at work coming up with a good title. Everyone had faith in him, and were excited to see his genius idea. But all this did was stress Yorkle even more. If didn't come up with a fantastic name, the townspeople would lose all their respect. But still, no name ever felt like it was worthy. But this all changed when, one day, Yorkle was reading his breakfast while eating the newspaper. Mr. Yorkle ate a fantastic egg omelette, and he thought nothing of it afterwards. But then it finally had snapped. It was just amazing, so much, in fact, he finally had done it. Yolkelton! That's it! It's the perfect name! What felt like an elephant's weight worth of stress on his shoulders was tossed up and away. After much intense thinking, he could finally present his creation to the town.

## Disasters and Controversies

### Small Meat for Kids

In 2014, Jimbo Skonklopper Wopper was elected as the mayor of Semi-New York City. Eventually the popular Jimbo came under fire after he was revealed to have made multiple homophobic comments in the past, and even claimed that Chick-Fil-A was his all-time favorite restaurant. When such events were brought to his attention, Jimbo did not apologize - rather he reaffirmed things he said, and went as far as to say that he, quote, "Will make sure to enact anti-LGBT legislation to keep the beautiful streets of Semi-New York free of homos." Despite tons of outrage, and his mailbox being found in a lake in Michigan covered in radioactive materials (???), Mr. Wopper did not back down, and in fact, announced a new program in support of anti-LGBT beliefs. This program was SMFK, otherwise known as "Small Meat for Kids." This program would provide free packages of Mini Vienna-Sausages to all heterosexuals under the age of 18. Supporters claimed that the young ones would learn about the dangers of homosexuality by receiving bite-sized wieners that those of all ages could enjoy. The program was suspended a month later after the sausages were found to be laced with anthrax. Despite written messages from terrorist groups with symbols resembling Jimbo's head-shape, the contaminated sausages were not looked into. In an attempt to dispel homos, Jimbo ended up resulting in the deaths of 38 heterosexual minors.

### The Precarious Penis Incident of '16

In 2016, a Penis-Shaped aircraft crash-landed Skemptonkmits Park, to the shock and surprise of many. If you want to learn more about this stupendous surprise, just visit the page for Aliens and the Moon.

## Trivia

* With the existence of a 'Semi-New' York following a 'New' York, many people have theorized about the existence of an "Old York City". Considering that Semi-New York was actually from another dimension, such a locale may exist, but is currently inaccessible.
	+ Further contact with the Zyordians may allow for more alternate locations to be uncovered