Fake TPOT 10b: Press Two to Clear

Warning! This page may contain **spoilers** of a popular video.
"**Press Two to Clear**" is the second part of the non-canon tenth episode of *TPOT* by Jacknjellify. It was released on 17 April 1976. This episode is only headcanon to me, that is, until the real TPOT 10 (or even TPOT 2) comes out.

Author's note: I figured this would be a good place to put this parody song. It's got absolutely nothing to do with TPOT, but it came out at the same time as the episode and for a few seconds I almost thought it was funny.

"Oh Mylanta"

**ABBA**: ♫ When you hear the word Mylanta,
 Does it bring back tacky memories of 1991?
 You remember that Mylanta?
 It's a kind of roundish pill
 You take for rashes near your bum
 Stomach upset, gastric reflux, indigestion
 Caused by acids in your tum.

 Add an *O* for "Oh mylanta"
 To make something said by DJ—
 Not that young boy from *Roseanne*.
 She who said the word Mylanta
 Is the level-headed daughter played by Candace Came-*ran*
 In the San Francisco sitcom known as *Full House*
 Based around the Tanner clan.

 There's a reason DJ says, you know,
 That catchphrase, "Oh mylanta".
 It's derived from an old advert, so
 She's saying "Oh mylanta".
 Due to Candace's religious views,
 She cannot swear,
 So she's changed it slightly for the show
 And now says "Oh mylanta".
 That's why DJ likes to say, you know,
 Her catchphrase, "Oh mylanta".

 When the people at Mylanta
 Heard the catchphrase, they declared it
 An infringement of the arts—
 They forbade the word Mylanta,
 But too bad, because the fandom
 Came together with their smarts:
 Just imagine seven *Full House* fans protesting
 With these words deep from their hearts:

 "There's a reason DJ says, you know,
 Your catchphrase, 'Oh mylanta'.
 It's derived from your own advert, so
 She's plugging your Mylanta.
 As her Christian views don't let her use
 God's name in vain,
 She has changed it slightly for the show
 And now says 'Oh mylanta'."

 There's a reason DJ says, you know,
 That catchphrase, "Oh mylanta".
 It's derived from an old advert, so
 She's saying "Oh mylanta".
 Due to Candace's religious views,
 She cannot swear,
 So she's changed it slightly for the show
 And now says "Oh mylanta".
 Yes, for that reason DJ says, you know,
 Her catchphrase, "Oh mylanta"... ♫

Previous episode: "Little Hotel on the Savannah"

Next episode: "Oratoria Polyglottica"

## Cold open

### **Hotel lobby**

**Scene**Continued from last time. Loud knocking can still be heard.
* **Two**: Sooner or later I'll have to answer the door.

[*One second later, Two gets up to see what is so urgent. They open the door; on the other end is* **Tennis Ball**, *bouncing a mini tennis ball against the door with his foot.*]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Oh, hi, Two. This is an awkward time, isn't it?
* **Two**: Not as awkward as you are, TB. Now I know it is terribly unfortunate to hear this, but you should be eliminated. Haven't you understood?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: I understood perfectly. But just to be sure, one gets eliminated these days by jumping into one of these filing cabinets, right?
* **Two**: That's right! What's the issue, then?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: I can't get in!
* **Two**: Oh, that's right, you were eliminated manually. [*Aside.*] But Pie got in.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: You're not calling me big, are you?
* **Two**: No! I'm saying that I'm *TwoOOOOO**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!***

[*The intro plays.*]

* **Two**: Here, try this.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Wait, what are you—

[*Two uses their powers to introduce a floating black-and-purple portal to the filing cabinet world, into which they shove Tennis Ball.*]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
* **Two**: Think I'll leave this portal here.

## Contest

#### With the team8s

[*Second floor, also known as Room 200. A well-decorated room that apparently looks no different from the old team8s' cabin... except it has a view.* **Coiny** *and* **Pin** *are seen smiling at their creation.*

* **Co****i****ny**: Alright, it looks like we're done.
* **P****i****n**: I hope Donut and Barf Bag are happy!

[*Enter* **Donut** *and* **Barf Bag**, *who have been inspecting the old cabin. Their mouths are agape in surprise.*]

* **Co****i****ny**: D'you like what we did here?
* **P****i****n**: Well, actually, it's more like what *he* did.
* **Donut**: I... I am at a loss for words.
* **Barf** **Bag**: How can that be true when you're speaking right now? /j
* **Donut**: Coiny! You did all this? You made a large-scale version of the place we lived before?
* **Co****i****ny**: You didn't know? I've been planning something like this for so long, and since that just happened to be today's challenge, Pin and I could finally put it into action for the good of our team!
* **Barf** **Bag**: So this was for us? All of us?
* **Co****i****ny**: I couldn't think of anything else to do without Donut spraying me all the time. 'Cause I was bad. [*looks down in shame*]
* **Donut**: Er, about the spraying... Barf Bag and I have decided we won't do it any more.
* **Co****i****ny**: What?
* **Donut**: For one thing, it was kind of mean, humiliating you in front of everyone. Isn't that what your people call *cruel and unusual punishment*?
* **Co****i****ny**: *EIGHTH AMENDMENT, **YEAH!!***

[*A patriotic-like music sting plays.*]

* **Donut**: And for another, your behaviour's really been improving.

[*He shows Coiny (and thus the viewers) a calendar full of numbers all over the page. The words "I don't know what day it is" is written in big letters in the corner.*]

* **Co****i****ny**: Wow. I can't believe I've been getting better. All this time I thought I'd been the same.
* **Barf** **Bag**: But you haven't.
* **Donut**: And Barf Bag and I are very proud of you.

[*They both pat Coiny on the head. Pin gives him a big hug.*]

* **P****i****n**: That's my guy!
* **Donut**: And now, our "you improvement" work is done, Coiniel.
* **Co****i****ny**: Great! Just don't call me Coiniel unless it's on a wedding invitation.
* **Donut**: As long as you keep those boxing gloves you call hands to yourself and not on your enemies.
* **P****i****n**: [*trying not to laugh*] Pause for a moment. Your legal name is *Coiniel?*

[*Enter* **Two** *from nowhere.*]

* **Two**: I sensed someone would ask where I was. Well, I'm here!
* **Barf** **Bag**: That's wonderful!
* **Donut**: We've finished cleaning!
* **P****i****n**: Are we the first ones to say that?
* **Two**: Yes, you are.

[*"Yay" sound effect.*]

* **Two**: But keep in mind: this doesn't necessarily mean you win. The team-ranking system for this episode depends on how *thoroughly* you've tidied your cabin, not how quickly you've done.
* **Barf** **Bag**: But Two—
* **Two**: Boo-bye!

[*Exit.*]

* **Barf** **Bag**: I've got to go.
* **Donut**: Where?
* **Barf** **Bag**: I want to check up on our former team8s. Their things are still in-thay side-ray.

[*Exit* **Barf Bag**.]

* **Donut**: Your Pig Latin is— ah, forget it.
* **P****i****n**: She's gone now.
* **Co****i****ny**: Wait, Donut!
* **Donut**: Yes, kid?
* **Co****i****ny**: Why did you only spray me and not Pin? Don't you know? We do everything together!
* **P****i****n**: He has a point. Me!
* **Donut**: Oh. It's because Pin never misbehaves.

[*Coiny looks at her in shock.*]

* **P****i****n**: That's what happens when you're friends with a leaf.
* **Co****i****ny**: Fair enough.
* **Donut**: Come on, let's enjoy the fact that we're the first to finish unpacking.

#### With Just Not

[*Third floor, also known as Room 300. A completely empty room in which everything is painted white, excluding the doorway. It looks as if everyone in the team is floating in mid-air, as the floor and walls are the same colour (which defies all laws of shading).*]

* **Nic****k****el**: With our luck, we'll be the last to finish unpacking.
* **C****a****ke**: Maybe, but we're also the first to clean up our cabin!
* **Pill****ow**: [*off-screen*] Oh, dear, Just Nots. It appears that I have gone missing!
* **Bo****ok**: Tell me what's next to you.
* **Pill****ow**: Something white!
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Hope we're allowed to paint the hotel walls.
* **N****a****ily**: Same, though.

[*Enter* **Barf Bag**, *who has been climbing up the stairs in a relative confusion.*]

* **Barf** **Bag**: Hi, people!
* **N****a****ily**: What's up, BB?
* **Barf** **Bag**: Nothing much. Hey, how do you go downstairs from here?
* **Nic****k****el**: You just go... down the stairs.
* **Barf** **Bag**: Okay, just checking. Say, those walls are blindingly bright.

[*All of a sudden,* **Pillow** *appears.*]

* **Pill****ow**: Boo! [*cackles*] Hahahahahahaha!
* **Barf** **Bag**: Yeah. Well, bye!

[*Exit* **Barf Bag**.]

### **TSTOE Cabin**

**Scene**The team members are packing up their things. **Robot Flower** is inside the cabin still, while the rest of the team stand outside. The S! (at the moment just **Clock**, **Cloudy** and **Winner**) can be seen in the background, very small. They are pulling a huge sack out of their cabin door (presumably of Cloudy's collection), in contrast to the nicely organized piles of possessions of the team in focus.
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: Wow! The S! aren't so strong!
* **Snowball**: [*from outside*] Of course not! It's full of armless *weeklings!*
* **E****g****gy**: *Weeklings*? It's *weaklings*.
* **Snowball**: Shut it, you!

[*He grabs a football from Basketball's sport ball menagerie and throws it at Eggy. Since she can't catch it, she cracks. The rest of the team look at her halves in horror.*]

* **F****old****y**: Eggy! Noooooooooo!
* **Baske****t****ball**: Are you alive? Speak to us, sister!

[*Her top half is speaking. The camera zooms on her bottom half for some reason.*]

* **Half of** **E****g****gy**: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just half-alive, lazily sitting on the bridge between life and death. Some people think I'm really dead, but it all depends on what they believe in. Foldy, what does the gogma say?
* **Baske****t****ball**: Oh, no no no no no, no one's getting converted here.
* **B****e****ll**: I second that.
* **F****old****y**: [*to Eggy*] You're dead.
* **Half of** **E****g****gy**: I don't feel dead.
* **F****old****y**: According to the Gogmatics' Handbook... [*The rest of the team roll their eyes.*] you are.
* **Snowball**: I have heard *enough!*

[*In a fit of rage, Snowball rips* **Foldy** *in half like Woody did in BFB 7. The horrified reactions return.*]

* **B****e****ll**: Now that's an actual death.
* **Baske****t****ball**: Snowball, what the locker room was that for?
* **Snowball**: She talks too much!
* **Baske****t****ball**: I agree, Foldy (may she rest in peace)...
* **B****e****ll**: [*Aside.*] More like "rest in pieces".
* **Baske****t****ball**: She can get a bit... repetitive with the whole gogma thing, but was that really a reason for you to kill her like that?
* **Snowball**: It's not that! She talk Stapy this, Stapy that, love, love, ummmmmnnnhh, when I can't even have mine!
* **Baske****t****ball**: What are you talking about? [*covers Grassy's ears again*] You, um, went in unto Lightning two hundred days in a row.
* **Snowball**: And he's ***mine!*** When he's over *there!*

[*Snowball points at Death P.A.C.T. Again walking to the hotel:* **Black Hole** *leads, while the other teammates,* **Tree** *and* **Remote** *follow—***Fanny** *and* **Lightning** *are suspiciously close to one another in the back.*]

* **Snowball**: Stupid Fanny stupid say stupid me bossy bot Golf Ball!
* **Baske****t****ball**: This is no time to be dealing with this teen-drama-type drama right now. We have to get this stuff into the hotel, remember?

### **T8 Cabin**

**Scene**While the members of the current team are in their hotel room, the former team members (**Gaty** and **Saw**)—plus **Yellow Face**—carefully leave the old cabin with their things. Gaty looks upset.
* **S****aw**: It'll be alright, G***8***y!
* **G****at****y**: I feel like a million lire.
* **S****aw**: See, it wasn't that bad.
* **G****at****y**: That were set on fire.
* **S****aw**: I'm sorry, I didn't realize how much it hurt you to see the old cabin.
* **G****at****y**: It's not that I used to live there that's bothering me... it's all our stuff wrapped up in a little bow, just so we can take it to the hotel room. Can't believe that money-grubbing little imp-goblin actually did that for me—I mean, us. Isn't it social custom to thank him for that?
* **S****aw**: I know it's weird, with him being an ass and all, but look at us! We're now on a team full of good people...

[*They both look at the S Cabin.*]

* **G****at****y**: Who can't seem to pull out a sack for woodchips.

[**Yellow Face** *exits.*]

* **Yellow Face**: [*spooky voice*] Guess who's back?
* **S****aw**: Let's celebr***8!*** But what took you so long?
* **Yellow Face**: I left a little surprise for the team8s! Now it looks like they didn't clean up after themselves!

[*Beat.*]

* **G****at****y**: I refuse to ask for an elaboration.
* **Yellow Face**: I'm going back to our cabin! Looks like they're having ***FUN!***
* **S****aw**: We'll meet you there!
* **G****at****y**: Yeah, bye.

[*Exit* **Yellow Face** *in one direction and* **Gaty** *and* **Saw** *in another. At the same time, enter* **Barf Bag**, *talking to herself.*]

* **Barf** **Bag**: Oh, what a beautiful morning! Wait, it's morning, right? [*Beat.*] I think it is.

[*She enters the T8 cabin.*]

* **Barf** **Bag**: Hey, Saw and Gaty took their stuff with them! I even wrapped it with a little bow, just the way they like it.

[*She sees what Yellow Face has left in the cabin.*]

* **Barf** **Bag**: Dear Chaos, what the heck is that?

#### With Are You Okay

[*Top floor, also known as Room 600. For a few seconds, the team are in a blank-white room just as were Just Not a few scenes earlier.* **TV** *has his lasers ready.*]

* **T****V**: 99% loading. 100% loading. Everyone, stand back. This might tickle a little.

[*The laser coming from TV recreates the entire cabin in the hotel room. Since the room is twice the size of the cabin, the walls separating the smaller room from the larger one are clearly visible. Various "whoa"-ing sound effects like in BFDI.*]

* **Golf Ball**: So you are somehow able to print in three dimensions.
* **Puffball**: This seems too good to be real. [*turns on the faucet*] And everything works?
* **T****V**: Perfectly. I told you, I analysed the functional data of every object in the cabin to make an exact duplicate.
* **Eraser**: I don't get it.
* **P****en**: Thank you, TV, that's real smart.
* **Golf Ball**: You have made us proud.
* **Eraser**: Dude, check out this bed. Still has the cheese puffs I left on it months ago!
* **Golf Ball**: That is disgusting.

[*Eraser eats one.*]

* **Eraser**: [*mockingly*] *Om-*nom-nom-nom-nom!

[*Beat.*]

* **Eraser**: What? It's kosher, I think.
* **P****en**: Since when did you keep kosher?
* **Eraser**: Still good.

[*Enter* **Two**.]

* **Two**: I see you've furnished your room exactly like your cabin.
* **T****V**: It really wasn't that difficult. I—
* **Two**: Know what you did. Not to brag about my powers (for which you're all competing), but I can do the same thing!
* **Eraser**: Hey, Two, why do my cheese puffs still taste good?
* **Two**: Because I've been replacing them! When you left your old living quarters, I kept substituting all the old or worn-out things for new ones, in the hope that when you came back, you would find a room that was newer and fresher than the one you had left.
* **P****en**: Aw, you'd really do that for us?
* **Two**: No, I did it to make myself look good. And yet you came back.

[*Awkward silence.*]

* **Golf Ball**: Are we done, or what?
* **Two**: That depends on whether you have truly cleaned out your old cabin. Here's a hint: those who make new versions of things often forget that the originals still exist.

[*A lightbulb appears above TV's head.*]

* **Puffball**: Sure worked that way for Hat Boone.
* **Two**: Anyway, that's not why I came up here. Team AYO, I've completely forgotten to give you your prizes for what was going to be today's Cake at Stake: hoovers! A hoover for you... and for you... and for you and you, but not for you.

[*Two hands out vacuum cleaners in the order that the team members would be declared safe. Thus, Pen gets his first, followed by Golf Ball, Eraser and Puffball. TV gets nothing.*]

* **T****V**: Aw, no whatever-that's-called for me?
* **Two**: Just be lucky you weren't eliminated today.

[*Exit* **Two** *spontaneously.*]

* **Golf Ball**: "Just be lucky you weren't"— What the hell is that number talking about?
* **P****en**: Ummmm, well... a funny thing happened on the way to our flashback to the last episode.

[*Pen looks upwards, ready to tell Golf Ball about what happened. He is interrupted by Eraser.*]

* **Eraser**: We lost.
* **Golf Ball**: What.
* **Puffball**: *Oh* fungus, if you need me, I'll be cleaning up our cabin. Come on, TV.
* **T****V**: Spare us the awkwardness.

[*Exeunt* **TV** *and* **Puffball**. *They can be seen making a tiny cameo going down the stairs in the next scene.*]

#### With Death P.A.C.T. Again

[*First floor, also known as Room 100. Death P.A.C.T. Again are set against the same white background. They look a bit disappointed.*]

* **T****r****e****e**: I can't believe you sucked up all our belongings from our cabin.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: But you told me to.
* **T****r****e****e**: With the expectation that you'd throw it back up again.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Do you not know anything about particle physics, Tree? Once something enters Black Hole, it can never escape.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: This is a fact, that is almost so universally known, that I thought you would change your mind.
* **T****r****e****e**: Ugggh, I was in the heat of the moment.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: So was I for two hundred days in a row.
* **[** **Fan****ny** · **T****r****e****e** **]**: Shut up, Lightning!
* **Fan****ny**: And I hate you!
* **Lig****htni****ng**: What, me?
* **Fan****ny**: Yes! And I'm also talking about Black Hole!
* **Lig****htni****ng**: But do you hate Black Hole more now than you did before?
* **Fan****ny**: No, I hate him just the same.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Oh, well. At least we can tell Two that we're finished.

[*Enter* **Two**.]

* **Two**: Finished, you say? Good job!

[*Exit* **Two** *as quickly as they came.*]

* **R****e****m****ot****e**: I'll contact Lawl-Mart and have them deliver a standard hotel furniture set.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: No, don't do that! Order from IKNO, everything Goikyan-Swedish style is *in*.
* **Fan****ny**: I hate IKNO!
* **Lig****htni****ng**: I know.

#### With Are You Okay

[*Top floor. With TV and Puffball out of sight, it's just Golf Ball left in the room, together with Pen and Eraser. For a while, none of them try to speak to one another.*]

* **Golf Ball**: [*in a brooding voice*] So, our team lost the contest.
* **Eraser**: Don't explode on us. Pen cries easily.
* **P****en**: Ey! I do not!
* **Golf Ball**: Do you think I would be angry with you? I have been laughing on the inside! And since there was no Cake at Stake today, I'm laughing on the outside as well! [*She does her signature laugh.*] Ha, ha!
* **P****en**: Golf Ball, there's also something you should know.
* **Golf Ball**: What now?
* **P****en**: [*breathes in*] While you were gone, I was the team leader.

[*Golf Ball gives Pen the angry eyes but becomes neutral again.*]

* **Golf Ball**: That checks out! Our team would lose if anyone other than me led it. Or maybe Tennis Ball. Just maybe.
* **Eraser**: Oom, yeah, speaking of Tennis Ball...
* **Golf Ball**: *Who* speaks of Tennis Ball?
* **Eraser**: Aren't you sad that he's gone?
* **P****en**: You seemed really calm when he was eliminated.
* **Golf Ball**: What are you people, emotion patrol? I had spent the last two hundred days with only my TB to keep me company. Sure, we spent them making plans for every possible contest Two could throw at us, but when you're with just one person for months without *any* kind of privacy, it gets exhausting.
* **P****en**: Wow, GB. I've never seen this side of you before.
* **Golf Ball**: And you will see no more! From now on, I will not talk about my private life with anyone not high enough on the managerial hierarchy!
* **P****en**: Got it, GB.
* **Eraser**: Ey, Golfy, can you really still think when you're dead? When I was being recovered, not a single thought crossed my mind!
* **Golf Ball**: Uh-huh.

### **Outside TSTOE Cabin**

**Scene**The same as before. **Snowball** punches holes in the walls of the cabin, still enraged about Lightning, while the other team members (**Basketball**, **Bell** and **Robot Flower**) stand around.
* **B****e****ll**: Of all people, how on earth could *Grassy* die?
* **Baske****t****ball**: Didn't you see? Snowball glared at him for being "weak", and then he melted to death.
* **Ghost of** **Gra****ssy**: [*invisible*] I'm ghostly!
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: This is getting really annoying!
* **Baske****t****ball**: I know, right? Snowball's emotional outbursts are just too much.
* **B****e****ll**: I say we kick him off our team. It is the only way.

[*Enter* **Snowball**.]

* **Snowball**: How to get this ball up to hotel? [*points to the giant ball of possessions (wrapped up like in BFDI 9*]
* **Baske****t****ball**: Oh, well, we were sort of planning.
* **Snowball**: What?
* **Baske****t****ball**: [*as a diagram is shown above her*] Robot Flower will run to our hotel room, open the window, and then you will kick our ball of stuff up to her. Ready?
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: Got it, BB!

[**Robot Flower** *runs to the hotel at top speed.*]

* **Baske****t****ball**: She's so fast.
* **Snowball**: Now what?
* **Baske****t****ball**: She's going to open the window. Any second now.
* **Snowball**: Mnghlyurghgrhgrhghrgh!

[*Snowball kicks the ball up to the hotel, breaking the window in the process.*]

* **Baske****t****ball**: [*recycled line*] Why'd you do that?
* **Snowball**: I'm impatient!

[*Robot Flower opens the window. It is the one above where Snowball kicked the ball. To get the attention of her team, she begins to throat-sing the way they do in Northern Asia.*]

* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: [*non-lexically vocalizing*] ♫ Muy-yom-muy-yom-muy-yom-muy-yom... ♫

[*She looks down and sees her team's huge ball of possessions lying half outside the window of The S!'s hotel room.*

* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: Oops!

[*Bottle sticks her head out the window.*]

* **Bot****tle**: What a wonderful sound!
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: Sorry down there, Team S!
* **Bot****tle**: [*happy*] It's okay! I'm going to play with your team's things! Tee-hee!
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: [*Aside.*] Dump.

### **S Cabin**

**Scene**The giant sack is more than halfway out the door as **Cloudy**, **Clock** and **Winner** continue to pull through it. Enter **Saw** and **Gaty**. Saw is carrying two juice boxes and Gaty is hauling her and Saw's things from the cabin.
* **G****at****y**: Someone explain.
* **Yellow Face**: Mmm, ***FUN!***
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Wonderful, you're back. Now help us get Cloudy's stuff out of here!
* **S****aw**: Hold on, let me put down our—
* **C****l****o****c****k**: [*noticing*] Wait a minute, you left us for drinks?
* **S****aw**: Yeah, it's apple juice!
* **G****at****y**: We were at our old cabin and saw some things.
* **Winner**: Ah, on the turps for your troubles, are you?
* **Cloudy**: How did you even get that?
* **G****at****y**: Don't you remember? They deliver exotic beverages to our hotel now.
* **Winner**: That's so interesting.
* **Yellow Face**: Only I can advertise here!
* **S****aw**: Guys, you know that pulling doesn't really help. You need someone to push it through from the inside, too.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Alright, Saw, you do it then.
* **S****aw**: What, little ol' me? Why not Winner?
* **Cloudy**: That would be the best choice, because Winner's arm is strong.
* **Winner**: I know what I got to do.

[*Winner stops pulling and jumps in the S Cabin through the window.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: Lead us to victory, comrade!

[*From the inside, Winner pushes their arm as far as they can to push the sack out the door while the others pull. Suddenly: Bang! The huge sack is out of the cabin.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: Oof, we did it!
* **Winner**: High-five!

[*Winner high-fives Clock's face as in episode 1. Enter* **Two**.]

* **Two**: The S! Congratulations!

[*Exit* **Two**, *taking one of the juice boxes.*]

* **S****aw**: My apple juice!
* **G****at****y**: Hey, if I were Two, I'd fancy a drink every now and then.
* **S****aw**: More like every day.
* **Cloudy**: Some people have real problems.

### **AYO Cabin**

**Scene****TV** and **Puffball** work on cleaning the cabin by themselves. Puffball is putting all of her stuffed toys in boxes of various sizes.
* **Puffball**: I can't believe Two's been going in and out of our cabins and changing things.
* **T****V**: [*tying wires*] It's kind of creepy. What if Two knows about Pen's clothed-people magazines?
* **Puffball**: I'm pretty sure they know everything about us. Also, those magazines are Eraser's.
* **T****V**: How would you know?
* **Puffball**: 'Cause Pen has class. Kind of. You saw us disco dancing.
* **T****V**: Mm-hmm.
* **Puffball**: And he could just go to the old hotel and chat up some lonely, desperate single. Remember Rubber Spatula?
* **T****V**: Whatever. I'm not into that Ugandan stuff and I'm sure proud of it.

[*He displays the ace pride flag on his screen to a tiny fanfare.*]

* **Puffball**: [*nodding*] Good thing we both know what that means.
* **T****V**: You know, there's an easier way to clean a cabin.
* **Puffball**: How?

[*Using his laser, TV teleports everything (including himself and Puffball) to the outside of the building.*]

* **T****V**: Done!
* **Puffball**: Yee. Wait, why didn't you just teleport our stuff to the hotel?
* **T****V**: 'Cause that's too much work.
* **Puffball**: [*laughing*] Ah, oh my gosh, TV!
* **T****V**: Don't tell GB!
* **Puffball**: I'm so glad you're not eliminated.
* **T****V**: Same here.
* **Puffball**: Armless hug?
* **T****V**: As long as there's no kissing.

[*Suddenly, enter* **Two**.]

* **Two**: Are You Okay!
* **[** **Puffball** · **T****V** **]**: Yeah!
* **Two**: Your team is the last to declare that they have cleaned out their cabin.
* **Puffball**: That's obviously not a good thing.
* **T****V**: Are not okay.
* **Two**: But wait! That doesn't really mean you're in last place. As I have told some of the other teams, it all depends on how properly you—
* **Puffball**: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we get it. Can we find out who'll be up for voting now?
* **Two**: I'm so glad you insisted! The sun's about to set, and *I* am about to call a contestant meeting.

[*Two presses a button (to the "emergency button" sound effect from a certain video game).*]

## Post-contest

### **Outside the hotel**

**Scene**As if by magic, everyone is teleported to the outside of the Second Hotel as soon as Two presses the button. The sun begins to set.
* **Half of** **E****g****gy**: [*noticing that everyone disappeared outside the TSTOE Cabin*] Yep, I'm dead.
* **Two**: Attention, contestants! Your challenge is done! Now let us find out which team has won!
* **P****i****n**: [*entranced*] Holy. Two just rhymed.
* **B****e****ll**: Far out.
* **Two**: I shall now start the judging process by going to the cabins' area and seeing who has cleaned up the best.

### **Judging time: Around the cabins**

**Scene**Finally, a view of all the lodges in one (which couldn't come sooner, I suppose): Assuming that north is near the top, we can see that the S Cabin is north of the TSTOE Cabin, which in turn is north of the JN Cabin. The place where Just Not once stayed is opposite the DPA Cabin, which is the southernmost of the three contestant lodges that face eastwards. From north to south, the other east-facing cabins are those of T8 and AYO.
* **Eraser**: Which is?
* **Two**: Huh?
* **Eraser**: Which team is up for elimination?
* **Two**: I'll get that news to you in about three seconds.

[*With the power of Two, the host scans the cleanliness of each cabin via a pair of lasers that come out of their eyes in 2.763 seconds. Everyone makes "whoa" and "wow" noises as in BFB 16.*]

* **Two**: Does anyone want to know the results?
* **Snowball**: Just tell us already, or I give you punch!

[*Snowball threatens Two with his fist.*]

* **S****aw**: [*Aside, to Gaty*] I assume it's not fruit punch!
* **G****at****y**: Ha!
* **Snowball**: You asked for it! Hurrrr-agh! [*fails to punch Two, as they have put up a force field*]
* **Lig****htni****ng**: [*sweating*] Ooh, it's getting hot out here.
* **Fan****ny**: Sit in front of me, then.
* **Two**: Interesting you should even say that, Snowball, because the first team safe, that is, the team that have cleaned up their cabin the best is...
* **Baske****t****ball**: Is it us? Oh, please tell me it's us.
* **Two**: It's not! It is Are You Okay!
* **The team (without Golf Ball)**: Yeah!

[*Golf Ball pogs.*]

* **Golf Ball**: What? Our team did something useful without me?
* **Eraser**: Told you we could trust TV.
* **Two**: Your team really embodied the spirit of the competition when you took everything in the room and sent it outside, leaving nothing but an empty space for me on which to paint my future floor plans!
* **P****en**: [*puts his arm around TV*] That's the way to do it, old sport!
* **Two**: The second team safe... Death P.A.C.T. Again! Who knew a team with Black Hole in it could be so good at tidying up a place?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Mmm, I think many people, have become aware of my powers.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: [*pointing to Tree*] Some as late as a few hours ago.

[*Two moves on.*]

* **Two**: Next safe... Just Not and The S! You cleaned your cabins up in the traditional way, and I must commend you for that (no matter how boring it is).
* **C****l****o****c****k**: The traditional way is *always* the best.
* **C****a****ke**: Uh, I don't think that's quite true.
* **P****i****n**: But our team cleaned up pretty well, too, did we not?
* **Two**: team8s, you did. *But.*
* **Donut**: Uh-oh, there's a *but*.
* **Co****i****ny**: Where?
* **Barf** **Bag**: Oh, don't tell me it's because of the whole Saw-and-Gaty thing.

[*Gaty looks over in her direction.*]

* **Barf** **Bag**: I even put their things all neat and tidy-like, just how they like it!

[*Saw and Gaty look at each other in shock.*]

* **[** **G****at****y** · **S****aw** **]**: So it wasn't Coiny!
* **S****aw**: That makes so much more sense!
* **G****at****y**: Thanks, Barf Bag!
* **Two**: Regardless, there's one issue I have with your clean-up process.

[*Two shows everyone the inside of the T8 Cabin, including the thing that Yellow Face had left behind: It's graffiti of a crudely-drawn picture of Yellow Face; surrounding it are the words "YF was here hahahahahalololololol buy our graffiti remover for $9,595.95!"*]

* **G****at****y**: Yellow Face, you did *graffiti?*
* **Yellow Face**: I sure did!
* **S****aw**: I guess it's better than what we were thinking.
* **G****at****y**: Yeah, he was hinting at it all day.
* **Two**: I'm almost certain that this is washable. Anyway, that leaves us with the final team, the team that has done the worst job, the team that will be up for elimination! And that team is—
* **Baske****t****ball**: Oh, it's us.
* **Two**: [*still happy*] Of course it is you! Look at it! Everyone!

[*Everyone enters the TSTOE Cabin, gasping. While everyone's belongings are outside the building, it is still very messy. Papers line the floor, the original furniture is tipped over, all in all an unpleasant place to be.*]

* **Half of** **E****g****gy**: Guys? I still can't walk!
* **P****i****n**: You'll get used to it!
* **Two**: How could any of you have let this happen?
* **Baske****t****ball**: Oh, we're sorry, Two. We kind of left all the cleaning stuff to Snowball.
* **Snowball**: I thought I did a good job! I *always* do a good job!
* **Lig****htni****ng**: [*Aside, to Fanny*.] True, he *always* gets the job done. For two hundred days.
* **Fan****ny**: Lightning.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Yes, Fanny?
* **Fan****ny**: If you say that one more time, I shall yell at you for two hundred days.
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: Snowball threw everything out until the room looked empty. We thought that was good enough.
* **Two**: Well, it isn't! Just look at this place! Who but termites would put such giant holes in a wooden structure?
* **Snowball**: I'm no termite! Muh-*bleurrrrrb!*

[*Snowball is about to punch Two for real.*]

* **Lig****htni****ng**: [*Aside.*] I need to stop this bull-man.
* **T****r****e****e**: Very well, you're preventing death!
* **Lig****htni****ng**: [*Aloud.*] Snowball!
* **Snowball**: Huh?
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Let— let me calm you down a bit, sir!
* **Snowball**: *Peeved!* [*breathes heavily*]
* **Lig****htni****ng**: [*petting him*] There, there, big boy. *Sa vardrús na scuab?*
* **Snowball**: Damn straight!

[**Snowball** *picks up* **Lightning** *while laughing mischievously, and they dash to the hotel together. Everyone looks at one another, confused.*]

* **P****en**: [*sighs*] I love love.
* **Baske****t****ball**: Well, team, this is bad. We've lost Foldy, Grassy and half of Eggy!
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: And we're up for elimination!
* **B****e****ll**: Not to mention, there are three non-terrible people left alive!
* **Half of** **E****g****gy**: Um, you mean three *and a half!*

### **Voting screen**

**Scene**A brand-new voting screen is shown with the names and pictures of the TSTOE members on it. Two gives the spiel.
* **Two**: Vote in the comments using the letter and square brackets for who you don't want to be eliminated! Vote for who you want to stay! [*whispering*] Psst. By the way, next episode is going to be a *double elimination!* Two people are going to leave the show! But vote only once, and tell all your friends! Bye now!

[*Roll credits.*]

## Post-credits scene

### **Outside the hotel**

**Scene**Night. **Nickel** is calling his father on the hotel's pay phone, which is located at the back of the building.
* **Nic****k****el**: [*calling*] Well, tell Millicent and Ha'penny I said hi. Love you, Dad. Bye!

[*Nickel hangs up and presses the buttons again.*]

* **Nic****k****el**: Oh, hi, Dad. [*Pause.*] You found out where Woody lives? That's great!

[*Suddenly,* **David** *appears right next to the pay phone.*]

* **Nic****k****el**: Call you back later, Balloony. See ya!

[*He hangs up and stares at David in awe.*]

* **Nic****k****el**: David?
* **David**: Aw, seriously?
* **Nic****k****el**: How... what... why— Weren't you orange the last time I talked to you?
* **David**: Aw, seriously?

[*Beat.*]

* **David**: Aw, seriously?
* **Nic****k****el**: Oh, so *that's* where you go when Four eliminates you. What's it like?
* **David**: Aw, se—

[**David** *suddenly zaps out of existence. Nickel stands outside for a few seconds, confused.*]

* **Nic****k****el**: Cloudy was right.

**THE END**
## Deleted scenes

**Cof****Ta****Vor**: When's Two going to let us inside?
**Fan****ny**: I don't know! I bet Two is hogging the hotel for their own personal gain! Two is keeping the hotel for themselves!
**Bo****ok**: Er... wouldn't it be "themself"?
**Fan****ny**: I hate prescriptive grammar!
**Bo****ok**: Ironically, so do I.
[*Beat.*]
**Bo****ok**: Sorry, Fanny, someone's talking about Match and Pencil and I'm craving gossip!
[*Exit* **Book**.]
**R****e****m****ot****e**: Come on, Fanny, it's not that bad.
**Ma****r****ker**: It could be worse.
**Do****l****lar****y**: Yes, we could be outside in the

* Two things happened in this episode that were supposed to happen in the previous: Golf Ball and Tennis Ball being recovered and Lightning and Snowball revealing what they had done. (The latter would have been the scene at the very end of the episode instead of the EXIT scene).
* TV was going to be eliminated in this episode. I decided to have him stay for another (few) to *try to* continue his growing arc with either his team or the other mechanical minds.
* I was going to have Lightning say that he and Snowball worked on making the hallways look good, not the lobby. It would have made more sense that they worked on the lobby instead, since it is later revealed that there are no hallways in this hotel to begin with.
* Pin would have said "Weezer" instead of "Wee-yer", which is admittedly a less funny word.
* Originally the contest was going to be a combination of cleaning the cabins *and* moving all the furniture to each team's assigned hotel floor. This was changed after I found it too complicated. (How would Two judge whether a hotel room is finished or not?)
* Instead of saying "Awesome!" after finding out that he would be staying on the top floor of the hotel, Pen was going to say "How romantic!" This was dropped because he had no one (that he was interested in) to say it to.
* Gaty (without Saw and Yellow Face) would have gone to the team8s' hotel room instead of the cabin. She was going to demand that she get her stuff back, since it wasn't in the cabins.
* The team8s were going to change their team name in this episode. It was moved to the next one (again).
	+ Coiny was also going to call Donut "Pops".
* When Two visited Are You Okay in their team hotel room, Two was going to point out that more people typed in "[TB]" to vote for Tennis Ball—even though he is eliminated—than vote for the lowest-voted contestant to be safe.
* There would have been a bit of backstory added after AYO got their CaS prizes. It was deleted because it was a bit too long and not really relevant to the plot—the dialogue that came after would have been a real heart-to-heart talk about how Pen and Eraser's mother died and how they're not just two dumb frat-equivalent boys, but they are capable of taking care of a home by themselves.

**P****en**: We get our own vacuums? That's *awesome!*
**Golf Ball**: I'll take that from you, thank you very much. And I want yours, too, Puffball and TV.
**Puffball**: Why? I want to clean things with a machine.
**T****V**: That's a beautiful thing to say, Puffball.
**Golf Ball**: As if I trust any of you with vacuum cleaners.
**Eraser**: Well, you can trust us.
**Golf Ball**: Give me one good reason why I should hand over this Herbert Hoover machine to you.

* Robot Flower was going to yodel ("Yodel-odel-odel-odel-ay-hee-hoo!") instead of throat-sing. Yodelling had been done in TPOT before.
* There would have been a joke about speech pathologists somewhere near the end of the episode. I didn't know where to put it (or even the exact wording), so it was dropped.

## Notes

1. ↑ Only in this episode will the hotel floors be a scene header (unless a future contest takes place in the rooms).
2. ↑ Most guys with the nickname *Danny* are actually called *Daniel*. Accordingly, most *Coinys* are *Coiniels*.
3. ↑ Weird euphemism, but it's from the Bible.
4. ↑ Not a reference to the country (I'll explain later).
5. ↑ Even if this isn't canon, I'm still voting for TV to be safe when AYO are up for elimination, *just because of this scene.*
6. ↑ I could have explained this more efficiently.
7. ↑ Literally, "in the broom closet". I can't believe I spent ten minutes looking up Irish grammar and obscure vocabulary just to censor/translate the name of a place where people, erm, go in unto. Better than Google Translate, though.

**Fake TPOT** [V]