The Journey So Far/Chapter 8: Year of Setbacks (2017)

It took many months of debating on if I should retire the GojiFan93 channel or not, but as the four-year anniversary of my channel was approaching, I made the decision to retire. On January 18th, 2017, I made a video that explained my reasoning for closing the channel down. It was hard to make and many people were upset. At the time of the retirement, the channel had amassed more than 30,000 subscribers. That's a lot of people to disappoint. I still pressed on and people would just have to understand.

With the new year in place and the feeling of being free from the shackles of my YouTube channel, I was ready to put all my efforts into Attsri Studios. A big thing that happened before the retirement of my channel was on January 3rd, I reached out to my ex. I had this feeling to get in touch with her to finally get that closure I was looking for (again). When I reached out to her, she responded and was open to talking.

We met up at coffee shop and just talked. I learned that she was dating another guy, which, to be honest, did sting a little bit. Regardless of that, we both were still going through a lot in our lives. Although, she seemed to have more in order in her life than I did. That was another sting. There is nothing worse than seeing your ex doing better than you. She told me about why she acted the way she did in 2015. I will not be going into detail about this as it is more of her business and privacy than mine. Long story short, she was abused by an ex in 2015 and I was there to come in and help her feel safe. The funny thing was as this was happening to her, we both lived in the same apartment complex. After she read my letter I sent her, she felt that I could be a safe and familiar face. A lot of the information she shared still shocks me today, but at the end of the day, I forgave her. We both hurt each other in the past and now was the time for amends. After our conversation, we left, and I felt still numb, but better. I got the closure I needed in 2014.

After all that, the year went on and a few more major changes would occur. First, my job. My job working at Home Depot would end because management was getting out of hand. Long story short, they were making do positions and jobs I couldn't perform. As I told my boss I was giving my two weeks' notice, I had another job lined up at a pet store. The next place I would work at was Petco. This introduced me to a whole new world and a potential career path. When working there, I so desperately wanted to work as a dog groomer. I did get the chance and was bathing dogs for a few weeks. I even was getting geared up to go to a dog grooming academy to be officially licensed. Well, God had other plans in mind for me. I learned that management there screwed up and I needed to be a full-time employee to be a groomer. I was only part-time. This meant Petco gave me an ultimatum; work as a floor associate/cashier or give my two weeks' notice. I didn't want to go back to being a sales associate because I was ready to move up in the career path, so I quit.

After that set back, I was feeling defeated yet again. The year was not going as I would have hoped. I learned some hard truth about my ex, I lost a good job, I didn't have my successful YouTube channel anymore, Attsri Studios was failing to meet my expectations, and worst of all, I was about to make a huge move to continue to downsize my Godzilla collection completely.

Yes, the collection was still a big aspect of my life and remained to be a small addiction. I remember sitting in my room and looking at my collection of overpriced plastic. Now that I didn't have my channel nor a job, money was obviously getting tight. I could not continue to live or pay for these figures. I made the decision to sell most of this giant collection. I sold my figures on a Godzilla Collectors Facebook group, I sold them on eBay, and I sold them to a very good friend of mine whom I met through the online Godzilla community. My friend drove all the way to me, but we made it a mini-vacation and hung out for a couple of days. When he left, he left with most of my collection. My collection went from full shelves and shelves of stuff, to now only about one small shelf space. It felt amazing and even to this day I still get urges to collect again, but it really is nice not having to worry nor spend my money on that stuff anymore.

At this point I wanted 2017 to end. I had enough of the setbacks and the hardships. With the collection being minimized to almost nothing, I was relieved that I may end the year in peace. The universe had other plans. I began to get very seriously ill. I would get random episodes of intense nausea. It got so bad I couldn't eat most of the time. Luckily, I lived with my family, so I had a support group. The other gift was most of the money I made selling off my collection was used for some medical bills.

I went to see my doctor about this issue and after test after test we just could not figure out what the issue was. It got worse over time. I began to become anxious about my stomach. I couldn't leave the house most of the time because I needed to be close to a bathroom. The stress of this illness was getting to me mentally. It stopped me from getting a job, going back to school, hanging out with friends, and even working on my projects. For many months my life was on hold until I got this illness cured.

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