recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
TNG 217

The Pakled transport Mondor.

*When the Enterprise answers a distress call from a ship full of Lennies, the crew's instincts are to offer assistance. Unfortunately, the Pakleds pet Geordi a little too hard as he's tending to their problems. Meanwhile, the captain and Wesley (the BOY?) go on a road trip in the Previa so Picard can have a "little procedure." Could Toto have improved this episode? Who are the rank pips really for? Can we do this show in a hot tub? It's an episode that's like a Sci-Fi version of "Of Mice and Men"!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Wesley**

For saying "where women are concerned I'm in complete control"
Ben's pick is **Surgeon**

For wild overconfidence followed by panix
## Trading Cards

They're All GrimacesA Procedure?That's A Terrible Plan!You Could Stick Four Pips On ItThey Pet Him Too HardLike The Full-Body Condoms In "The Naked Gun"Well Geordi, It Appears You Are FuckedThis Shit Is Not Going Super Well!
TNG 503

Guinan talks with Ensign Ro Laren in Ten Forward

*Starfleet wants JLP & future Mrs. @CutForTime to catch Bajorans blowing up Cardassian mailboxes. I'm not sure why the Bajorans are living in dumps. Everyone there is covered in scarves!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Whoever distributes phasers**

For sending Troi down to a hostile planet as the only one without a phaser
Ben's pick is **The actor playing Admiral Kennelly**

For making a silly expression in his last shot
## Trading Cards

Starfleet SuperCutsGenerally Speaking...Not PalsThe Bad Girl Of StarfleetRiker Only Has Two Speeds With Strong WomenHe's Seen Magic Like This BeforeBajoran Bob RossBajoran BaneShe Gets Grounded
TNG 711

Poster by J.J. LendL

*Worf's back from Bat'leth Camp and finds nothing's where he left it, including his bachelorhood! Worf's quantum leaps are giving the multiverse diarrhea, & us the most glorious Riker beard ever!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Dr. Crusher**

For nodding thoughtfully along in McLaughlan group where Data explains bonkers quantum many-worlds scenario like it isn't bonkers
Ben's pick is **Riker**

For letting nervous Worf walk into a surprise party with a bunch of sharp objects
## Trading Cards

Get Ready!Didn't Come In. Didn't Say "Hi"Little Rascals!That Massage Is Not Especially Comforting**Geordi:** Side Butt And Dead **Worf:** Gone To RedThe Boy Is Back!Prolapse With 200 EntrepreneursFull Feral Riker
USS Hood

Riker's old ship. He was first officer aboard before transferring to the USS Entrepreneur.

The captain of the USS Hood is one Captain Robert DeSoto, known throughout 3 quadrants as the most laid back officer in Starfleet.

The Hood was one of the few Starfleet ships to escape Wolf359 unscathed by the simple expedient of not being there for the carnage.

Do **NOT** use a blacklight in any of the holodecks on board.

Or quarters.

Or hallways.

You know what? Just don't think about it.
TNG 406

An advertising sign for the King Mei on Turkana IV.

Star Trek Haircast

*Some UFP UPS drivers go missing on planet Golan-Globus, so the crew goes full Delta Force! Just because you live in an apocalyptic wasteland doesn't mean you slack on hair care.*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **The Scene where Ishara and Data talk on the bridge**

For having Worf just stare intensely at them
Ben's pick is **Kidnapped Crewmember**

For being in a generic kidnapping video
## Trading Cards

This Trick Is On The InternetAnyone From The Federation Will Be Instantly Killed. Form An Away Team.Glocks Out!Basically Like Snake Plissken WorldWelcome To '90s Haircast. Big Fans of Paul Mitchell.Tasha's Sister! Weird!The Female Equivalent To Moose KnuckAttempted Robo-Kill
The Hunt for Red October

*Russia's most weathered sailor has LoJacked the first Tesla sub and is headed for...Montana? Will he make the coast or is this his Iron Curtan call?*

*Ryan's smarty pants antics earn all the red eye/green gill flights. Jonesy's mixtape speeds are not podcast compliant. Is an Admiral as leathery as his cabin the ultimate warrior?*

*If they don't want the sub found they should hide it in Ryan's chest hair. While he launches a full spread of quips Ramius is pulling wooden shoes out of his silent drive!*

*The Red October & the Dallas avoid going Mutara Nebula & team up to fight off an Akula class repo sub! Shouldn't nuclear missles be more secure than luggage?*

## Trading Cards

A Face That Belongs On A Box Of Fish SticksDr. Crusher Makes It Canonical TrekTurbulence Has Never Downed A Commercial Aircraft. Whatever, Jack RyanIt's Just...Doors?Con! Sonar! Perforation Rip!A Move In Ramius' Most Dangerous Game Of Che-ShhResting "I Don't Believe What You're Telling Me" FaceWe're Gonna Missle Drill Then Bang Cuban GirlsNo One Here Knows You And Those That Do Don't Like YouI'll Have An Order Of Lenin And How Are The Pancakes?You Gotta Listen At Normal Speed Or You're Gonna Miss The Jokes!A Nicely Appointed Cabin. Is It Really Like That?Robin Williams Chest Alec Baldwin HeadAnother Short Hop On One Of The Worst AirlinesThis Is The Worst He Looks In The FilmDon't You See This Is Inherently Dangerous?Pinging At Each Other. That's The Best!What A Leap Of Faith Opening That Hatch!Ben's Nickname: Emergency Blow!It Shouldn't Be A "Hot Wire" Situation
STLD 0210

Cetacean Ops

*When Captain Freeman receives a new mission, it might be her last in command of this ship. But when her friend Sonya Gomez slips on an asteroid field, only the Cerritos can prevent her from spilling on an uncontacted planet. Where does an iceberg hide its party? What was different about the Gomez character design in previz? Has a perfect scene in Star Trek ever existed? It’s the episode where one of us finds the Lower Decks is coming from inside the house.*

## Show Bits

* "You just got Schism'd"
* Dr. Katz
* Malibu Picard
* This Old Starship
* Tax Documents
* Ball Kicking Machine

## Edward Larkin

Adam's pick is **Horny Belugas**

For being delightful
Ben's pick is **president? of Lapeerians**

For a great first impression
STLD 0106

Poster by J.J. LendL

*While the Cerritos squares off with the S.S. Sanford & Son over some salvage Boimler & Mariner have to find the isolinear core Barclay II lost while they snuck off to a concert. Rutherford brings "Evil Clippy" online.*

*Turns out Fletcher plugged the core into his brain and now it's gone techno-kaiju! Badgey is doing things that would make a billytarg puke on his way to Ctrl-Alt-Kill Rutherford and Tendi!*

## Show Bits

* What my theory presupposes is...
* Dr. Katz
* Mr. Bajoran Relic
* Ball Kicking Machine
* Bangers
* Worf Lightning

## P1 Messages

From facebook resistance cell

To the past

## Edward Larkin

Adam's pick is **Fletcher**

being a chaos agent because he made a mistake at work
Ben's pick is **Zebulon Sisters**

for adding a third chu to the chu-chu dance
## Trading Cards

He's Lucky He's Not Mashed Potatoes With A Wisk Sticking OutJ.G. Hertzler Just Can't Be Cast As A Character With Two EyesThose 'Chos Aren't Going To Come Out Of Fur EasyBadgey Is Pissed Because Rutherford Kicked Him In The Badgeballs!Accusations Are Made! Flaps Are Undone!Right Out Of A Verhoeven Film!We Know What This Is Inspired ByHe's Not A Humanoid But You Know What That Did
TNG 703

Zoolander-style hyperbolic glass dome

Data's self-harm impulsesSpace Butthole

*Geordi turns into an Amazon drone to yank a ship out of a planet's gas hole, & his mom's a ghost. I wonder if the Geico agent laughs every time Starfleet puts "Butthole" as the cause of accident.*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Geordi**

For not considering how “illogical” his mom’s reasons would be for having him risk his life
Ben's pick is **Data**

For letting Geordi attempt suicide, just as he always does
## Trading Cards

You Don't Notice It Till You Notice ItLevar Burton Looks Cool Doing VRLike, 7th Degree Burns!Take It Lower, GeordiThere's Probably Some Crazy Space Butthole ExplanationLet Me Compare This To My LifeThe "Mom" Character Starts To Fall ApartProjecting His Suicidal Values Onto Geordi
VOY 220

Now The Neelix Show

*Paris has decided it's time to pull a David Lee Roth & leave the group. Which may have less to do with the fact he's unhappy on the Voyager and more that Janeway gave Neelix a TV show they all have to watch. All this and Seska, too!*

*It's a fake! B-Dunks resignation was all a ruse to find out Seska's plans to hijack the Voyager! Can he escape with the info before Seska's actual stooge takes out Neelix for trying to clear Paris' name?*

## Show Bits

* Chris Brynner of Brynner Information Systems
* To The Dome
* K urn
* Doc Holoday
* Ball Kicking Machine
* McLaughlin Group
* Sabo
* BLT
* Freshen Up
* Sicks Bay
* W/r/t
* Raw Materials
* Loaf
* Convention Question Guy
* B. Dunks
* Bangers
* RSVP

## P1 Messages

Promotional Message: Slack Channel

Kevin Uxbridge
K urn
Exocomp

Kevin Uxbridge
She/Her

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Seska**

Choas Agent
Ben's pick is **Doctor**

For having fun
## Trading Cards

Adam Would Have Talked Him Out Of Twitch StreamingParis Is An Eddie Bauer Man Through And ThroughWhat Happened? Can You Not Tell "Burned"? Is That's What's Wrong With Your Cooking?She's In Her Third Tri-SeskaSearching For Tax DocumentsHe's Gonna Make A Neelix BrulieThis Action Is All B-Dunks!Is That In Engineering All The Time???
TNG 201

Deanna Troi gives birth to Ian Troi.

*When Counselor Troi becomes unexpectedly pregnant, the Enterprise crew has a ton of questions: "When did this happen? "Who's the father?" and "How quickly can we abort it?" Troi makes it clear she's keeping it, but there's no time for a baby shower because this baby grows so fast that it's born in only a few days. After another few days, it's tall enough to go on the rides at Disneyland! How big will this kid get? Where is Riker's "leaning wall" when he needs it? Why does Ben have a restraining order from the Olson twins? It's our season 2 premiere!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Worf**

For lack of subtlety in suggesting Troi have an abortion, and for having chest hair puffs
Ben's pick is **Hester Dealt**

For never being very worried about the containment
## Trading Cards

Riker Has A Beard!Not Half As Likeable As Gates McFaddenThe Most Awkward Pregnancy McLaughlin Group EverThere Is No Dana, Only Zuul!Our MacGuffin's Gone Cray!Worf Puffs
TNG 319

*When Captain Picard needs a backrub, Doctor Crusher prescribes a vacation. Trouble is, the all-inclusive resort Commander Riker recommends appears to be "full service," and the pages in his book aren't spill proof. Can Picard go "chest to chest" with Riker? Is there any job on the Enterprise dangerous enough for red pants? What is "low knuck"? It's the episode where we prescribe to "The Maron Rule."*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Patrick Stewart**

For being game for acting ridiculous
Ben's pick is **Picard**

For looking at a lady's butt
## Trading Cards

It's Standard Holiday Half-Pirate V-Neck And Saggy KnuckThat's A Nice Sweater You're Wearing, Theo!Can You Knock It Off With Trying To Fuck Me!?Vorgons...Horga'hns... Who Writes This Shit?1. Disarm 2. Punch Lights Out!Totally Bangs!Totally Biffing A Skateboard StuntHorga'hn Life!
TNG 118

The Velara Base on Velara III.

50 Year Old Ensign

*Terraforming hasn't had this big a PR problem since the Genesis Project! The Enterprise crew arrives at Valera III for a science lecture, but wind up mounting an investigation into murder most foul, with the chief suspect being a brilliant scientist (whose resemblance to a Bond villain is more than skin deep). The shocking truth is revealed when Geordi and Data look down a deep hole without Riker there to show them the ropes. When the indigenous life form of Velara III gets to set trippin' with the ship, it inspires your micro-brained hosts to air out their frustrations about Internet commenters mentioning other Star Trek podcasts. It's the episode where Adam and Ben start a rap feud with another show!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Old Lady Ensign in Engineering**

For starting her career over again later in life
Ben's pick is **The Microbrain**

For belligerence despite being totally powerless
## Trading Cards

A Little PanickyBald Guy and Mullet GuyLike a Bike Helmet Stuck to the Back of a Bike HelmetA Single Christmas LightToo Upset to Get Down
STLD 0205

*When the Cerritos arrives at the galaxy’s hottest party, the only thing between the crew and a great night out is the doorman. But when the ship’s own guest won’t leave first, their problems begin to multiply.*

## Show Bits

* K urn
* Convention Question Guy
* RSVP

## P1 Messages

Promo: Gym Shimoda

Singing

## Edward Larkin

Adam's pick is **Doorman**

For being a fully realized throwaway character
Ben's pick is **Freeman**

For triggering the tribble problem
VOY 225

Freeze-dried colonists

*Janeway and Cha-Ko-Tay forget the citronella protocols and wind up with bug bites that confine them to the UPN backlot. If they leave they'll die so the Voyager has to abandon them. How will they pass the time together?*

*Looks like Cha-Ko-Tay's bug was a love bug and it ain't the ancient bones of his ancestors that's telling him that! But Janeway's gonna stay strong. Mark her words! Kim nags Tuvok in to asking the Doc Holoday's Vidiian boo for a cure.*

## Show Bits

* Doc Holoday
* McLaughlin Group
* The Scene Does Not Go Well Enterprise
* Tax Documents
* Skulk Hogan
* Maques/Maquis
* Dustbuster Club
* BLT
* The Single Brass Instrument Of Subtext
* Pan Flutes of Subtext
* Sicks Bay

## P1 Messages

Promotional: mobile game

Kevin Uxbridge
From Ben to Ben

From Bree

This Old Starship
## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Harry Kim**

for having no fucks to give
Ben's pick is **Neelix**

for holding gerkins
## Trading Cards

What's In The Box Labeled "Scientific Tax Documents?"They Replicated Their Clothes From The 1996 JCP Rumspringa CollectionHe's Caught LookingAre Those Gherkins From The Previous Episode?Cha-Ko-Tay Steals The Full Riker Lean!I Never Thought I'd Say This But I'm Happy To See Your FaceThe Single Brass Instrument Of Unfulfilled Sexual Desire Begins To PlayHarry Kim Would Have Closed The Deal
STLD 0202

The skeleton of Spock Two

*When a ship full of knickknacks begins to defend itself against the LD’s, their Tamarian crewmate’s fate seems worse than metaphorical. But during an away mission with his new shipmates, Boimler finds himself leading from behind right into a transporter accident. Do we need to talk about Kevin? Do Sauron and Kahless shop at the same hat store? Is Jet…not…cool? It’s the episode that’s much better in a crisis than when things are normal.*

## Show Bits

* Kevin Uxbridge
* This Old Starship
* Ball Kicking Machine
* Convention Question Guy

## P1 Messages

To Adam and Ben

To FoDs

## Edward Larkin

Adam's pick is **Dr Katz**

For doing the Star Trek doctor work
Ben's pick is **Dr. Migleemo**

For landing his jokes
TNG 410

A cosmic string.

*Troi's "Feels Meter" goes on the blink but she takes it like a pro...a big crybaby pro! Troi puts "Gonna Fly Now" on repeat & climbs back into the therapy ring!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **The Wasted Opportunity to Develop Wes's Replacement**

For giving her a bunch of lines and then (probably) never using her again
Ben's pick is **The Deceased Husband of Troi's Patient**

For having a creepy music box as his last possession left on the ship
## Trading Cards

I Look Like I Pronounce It "Val-Vo"Uxbridge Levels Of Pain!These Are Gonna Come Back, Right?I Can't Be Your Potted Plant Anymore, CaptainShe Has No Spidey SenseIs That The Right Bag To Pack 12 iPads?Normally, You Don't Say Anything At AllGet Sugar, Give Sugar!
O'Brien hates his family

Terrible Breakfast. No Eggs. 1 Star.

## Pod Apperances

Special:WhatLinksHere/O'Brien hates his family

Spread across several episodes Ben and Adam have been following the breadcrumbs of the "real" Miles O'Brien who lives in a loveless marriage to Keiko.

TNG Season 4 Episode 11 (Data's Day): O'Brien seems to be in an arranged loveless marriage to Keiko ... the beginning.

TNG Season 4 Episode 12 (The Wounded): O'Brien and Keiko, having just married, have an argument about breakfast. Neither of them know what the other likes.

TNG Season 5 Episode 15 (Power Play): O'Brien is "possessed" by an alien and holds Keiko and their daughter hostage.

TNG Season 6 Episode 2 (Realm of Fear): O'Brien keeps a poisonous spider as a pet while living with an infant.

DS9 Season 1 Episode 3 (Past Prologue): Keiko seems surprised that she and O'Brien are on DS9, as if there had been no previous discussion about it.

DS9 Season 1 Episode 4 (Babel): O'Brien is close to death in the infirmary but Keiko never visits and is seemingly unaware of his plight.

DS9 Season 1 Episode 6 (Captive Pursuit): The alien Tosk invites O'Brien to run away with him, leaving his family behind, and be hunted across the galaxy. Miles pauses a moment to consider it.

DS9 Season 4 Episode 17 (Accession): The O'Briens realize the only way their marriage works is to avoid each other.

DS9 Season 5 Episode 5 (The Assignment): O'Brien turn the entire station into a giant worf lightning rod and grounds it through Keiko's shuttle.
TNG 509

*Some guy from 20 minutes into the future makes the crew retake their SATs. Prof. Stickyfingers kleptos his way through the ship & winds up in permanent detention.*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Rasmussen's racist remark**

Tells Asian kid to "keep your eyes wide" [Shimoda gross, not funny]
Ben's pick is **Rick Berman (episode writer)**

For forgetting major aspects of how the crew acts
## Trading Cards

Like An Old Person Talking To A TelemarketerI Don't Know What He's Saying But I Believe HimShe Would Never Fall For This Dope!Initiate Vacu-Suck!So, We Noticed Some Shit's MissingI'm Very Specific About My Form Of DeathNow, He's Fucked!This Is The Moment Adam Felt Something
VOY 302

Tuvok pours Sulu tea

*When Tuvok starts randomly tripping harder than McCoy on cordrazine about a girl and a cliff he asks Janeway to do a voyeur meld to figure it all out. But he doesn't keep his memories in the same place and they wind up on the Excelsior!*

*Turns out the tragedy of the falling girl wasn't real. It was an alien Tuvok picked up during the original theatrical release off Star Trek IV. However, one thing is a real tragedy...the fact we never got our Captain Sulu show!*

## Show Bits

* To The Dome
* Tax Documents
* Doc Holoday
* Bangers
* Sicks Bay

## P1 Messages

From Dan

From Dan

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Janice Rand**

For having very little lead time
Ben's pick is **Small World kids**

For having 1 second of screen time each
## Trading Cards

You Can Really Make Out The Nap On The Carpet!I Could Ask Other Vulcans For Help But Then They'd See What I Look At During Pon FarrThey Put Star Trek 6 In His Mental VCR!Janice Rand Has Seen Some Corporate Ladder Shit That Tuvok Will Never UnderstandThe Rotary Police Light Is How They Do Red Alert HereShe's The Wile E. Coyote Of The EpisodeThink They're Done Pulling Up Old Star Trek Faces? Wrong!Tuvok's Nostalgia Is Not Nostalgia At All!
TNG 311

The surface of Angosia III.

Dustbuster Club

*When Rambo Jason Bourne in Space breaks out of a penal colony with a boring name, the Enterprise crew become U.S. Marshals. It’s a hard target search of the star system and the ship that turns up more than the locals had bargained for. When did Farmer Hoggitt grow that molestache? Is Roga Danar the frontman of a rock band called Breadcrumbs of Destruction? Its an episode we recorded in the afterglow of a truly awesome karaoke performance.*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Guy on table in engineering**

For being sprawled out on a table in engineering
Ben's pick is **Farmer Hoggett (Nayrok)**

For never covering up for his planet's behavior
## Trading Cards

Farmer Hoggett With A MolesteacheMollywhopping The Dustbuster ClubPull Back That Consent A Little BitLt. DirtnapAnesthizine - It Usually Goes In DrinksWarehouse Fight!The Michael BiehnsAll Right. See Ya. Good Luck!
TNG 608

Eyes to Commercial

*If Gene Wilder, Cleavon Little & Harvey Korman had appeared this ep might have been saved. Instant fighting, everyone's armed, doors swing open... Worf should love the Old West!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Brent Spiner**

For his Nicolas Cage impression while shuffling cards & and having surprisingly hairy forearms
Ben's pick is **Brent Spiner**

For incredible scene-chewing in all his additional roles
## Trading Cards

He Can't Stop Being Asked For PermissionThe First Of Several "Worf Eyes" To CommercialBarclay Helped Program It?The Safeties Are Off!Fuck It! Let's Have Fun With This One!Keep Holodeck Out Of My Fucking Star Trek!Brent Spiner: Old West Saloon WhoreThis Episode Diminishes Us
TNG 501

Data in the command chair of the USS Sutherland

Rom-yar-lin

*Tasha McFly has the Klingons going all East Coast vs. West Coast and Picard is Doc Brown! Knives, Ships, Tachyons, Radiation, Worf's Penis...this whole episode is about penetration!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Hobson**

For not standing up to Data
Ben's pick is **Romulan guard**

For being left behind at the Duras house on Qo'nos after all the other Romulans have fled
## Trading Cards

Kickin' Gravel At The Other ShipsLike A Bad Guy In A John Candy MovieHey! It's Me!I'm A Product Of The KnockupThey Want To Fuck Worf Onto Their TeamThere's A Hole In The Cat's Cradle!He Gets Burned Pretty BadField Strip This Kid
TNG 720

## Warp Salieri

Gul Evek and Anthwara discuss the status of the Dorvan V colony with Captain Picard

## TNG 720

### Next Episode

Four Octaves of Intelligence Range
Butter Knife Bat'leth

*I bet Pipes was wondering why the USS Crazy Horse didn't pull this particular Uber duty. Wes has clearly changed his major to "Emo" studies. Now he wants to go galactic backpacking!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Troi**

For inexplicably knowing all about the Pueblo Revolt of 1680 in order to deliver emotionless exposition
Ben's pick is **Worf**

For his "we're doing this for your own good!" attitude while blasting phasers around the settlement during the fight with the Cardassians
## Trading Cards

It Seems Far Weirder With An AdolescentTough Tits, Buddy! That's Your Job!Do You Know About The Pueblo Revolt Of 1860?Home Inspection Before BuyingYou Can Go Your Own Way!!!I Wanted To Fuck A Candle. You Want To Fuck A Campfire. I Totally See ThatA Caricature Of SpiritualismNot Gonna Need That
TNG 702

Iyaaran Ambassador Loquel drinking papalla juice

*Diplomats from planet Unitard are giving the crew the creeps & JLP a deadly case of static cling! Worf envokes the Roadhouse Protocols because it's time NOT to be nice! Catfish is on Pipes' menu!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Troi**

For being put upon while having to shepherd around the overly enthusiastic diplomat
Ben's pick is **Data**

For gleefully insulting Worf without realizing it
## Trading Cards

A Very Boring SpeciesThe Flagship Should Have Good KnivesActor On A Jerk Cable!Weirdly Interacting With Black CharactersLike Sam Jackson Takin' A Soda PopWhoopin' Ass And Kinkin' Out!He's Getting Misery-edYou Were A Lot Hotter As "Anna"
TNG 215

The holoprogram Equestrian Adventure

Bit origin: Borgs

*When the Enterprise explores a sector full of about to explode planets, the crew decides to put Wesley (the boy?) in charge. But when Data decides to turn the sensors on high, the results interrupt Captain Picard's private "chaps time." Is Worf in a death cult? Where can our listeners send their corrections? Can't Picard do better than a Continental breakfast for his meetings? It's the episode with a very special WiFi password!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Sarjenka's parents**

For not noticing their daughters conversations with Data
Ben's pick is **Worf**

For getting lippy with Data
## Trading Cards

Chips On The Floor, Shit's About To Go Down!More Hallway Than Almost Any EpisodeThey Know What To Do, They Just Don't Want To Do ItContinental Breakfast Will Be ProvidedHow Deep In Shit They AreDianetics-Looking DestructionShe's Got A Tine Turner Glitter Wig
TOS 103

Future Police?

*The Enterprise nabs a 23rd century mashup of Buford Justice and the Snowman who's spacebound and down. But it ain't Coors Beer he's trucking - it's subspace mail order brides!*

*The ship's engine crystals are flaccid from the chase. The men can't keep the space porn music out of their heads. And the fembots have a space Botox problem.*

*If Kirk doesn't get his rocks off (literally) the Enterprise is done for! But to do that he has to let a bunch of lithium miners get their rocks off (figuratively) with the ladies.*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Spock**

For a conspiratorial look to Kirk
Ben's pick is **Mudd**

For being a con-man that can't believably lie
TNG 401

Data establishes a neural link with Picard.

Bit Origin: The Scene Does Not Go Well Enterprise

*It's 3 months later, bitches! & neither stern looks nor the D's Cialis Ray can satisfy the Borgs. Who's got a 4th pip, a full Capt. manspread & knows consent is never futile - Riker, William T.!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Jonathan Frakes**

For showing that he could have been a decent captain
Ben's pick is **Wesley**

For giving Riker an incredulous look when ordered to ram the cube
## Trading Cards

A Lot Of Intense Facial ExpressionsA Totally Impotent Showing Of AggressionBut...I Always Get The Death-Related Promotions!That's Now Your Chair...I Gotta Go "Jake" A ShuttlecraftI'm Gonna Shove It In All The Way To The 4th PipKickin' A Bunch Of Borgs Asses!Undertaker-Style Rise!Gotta Respect The Pip!
VOY 515

*When Captain Janeway starts fiddling with her comm badge, a risky heist to steal Borg technology leads to a Locutus 2.0 situation with Seven. But after reliving her assimilation through the USS Raven’s logs, an ultimatum from Dax’s ex-girlfriend makes Seven willing to stay in Borg City.*

## Drunk Shimoda

**Magnus Hansen**

For taking his family to see the Borgs
TNG 119

Dexter Remmick observes La Forge and Data at their posts.

Joke Origin: Chaotic Bro

*When Wesley Crusher (the boy?) begins his Starfleet entrance exams, he's got two things on his mind: overcoming his greatest fear, and overcoming a terrible Pee-wee Herman-style haircut. Meanwhile, on the Enterprise, Admiral Quinn and Lieutenant Commander Remmick are investigating a possible conspiracy, and pissing off the crew in the process. Is "The Riker Maneuver" mostly about testicular health? What is the punishment for Grand Theft Shuttlecraft? And just what the hell is a sher-RAHHHHD? It's our final episode before NPR syndication!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Daily Double! **Remmick**

For requesting an Enterprise assignment from Picard after being a dick to everyone onboard
## Trading Cards

He's Blue, He's Wet and He's VapingTotally "Patrick Swayze-ing" OutAlmost Salchows It Into the Planet's AtmosphereNo, No, No, I'm Not Gonna Take the Job1980s Electronic Music Video
She Who Is My Wife

She who is Sarek's wife.

## Pod Apperances

Special:WhatLinksHere/She Who Is My Wife

In the season 3 episode *Sarek*, Sarek beams aboard the Entrepreneur with his new human wife and says **"Allow me to present she who is my wife."** This directly contrasts with a phase used in the podcast *Stop Podcasting Yourself* (listened to by Ben and/or Adam), where a host would introduce his wife as "My wife (full name), who is her own person."

Ben and Adam immediately seize upon this as the ridiculous phrase that it is, and joke that wish that they could introduce their own wives like this. (Because awkward human nerds and emotionless Vulcans are more similar than you might think). And they would, except that after the first time they do that She Who Is Their Wife would then instantly become She Who Is Their Ex.
PIC 110

Poster by J.J. LendL

*Narek plans to use an actual ball kicking machine. Picard takes a "First Contact" nap on the sheets made from Tomalak's old uniform. Soong finds Saga's Ring Doorbell eyewitness video & learns Sutra's nasty position.*

*He got out of his chair! Picard finally has the conn! The synths activate the FTD Protocols against the Romulan fleet. Seven and Rizzo prove 24th century ladies wear is great for ass flattery and ass kicking!*

*Seven gives Rizzo the Frank Nitti "Untouchables" exit. It's "Oh, No" for the Romulan fleet when Riker, William T., the OG swinging dick of the Entrepreneur arrives and brings all the Star Trek Online ships with him!*

*Picard & Data do "Nemesis" commentary in digital Sto'Vo'Kor before Picard is loaded onto the Read-Write Golem. PiClone Shimodavorkians Data and the crew sails into the CGI sunset toward...where are they going?!?!*

## Show Bits

* Knuck
* Catbasket
* Lawyer Picard
* Glass Top Coffee Tables
* This Old Starship
* Episode Over-Cut to theme

## P1 Messages

For Ben and Adam

For all listeners

## Edward Larkin

Adam's pick is **Captain Riker**

For his react smile
Ben's pick is **Synth Guards**

For having Gandolf staffs
Worf Hates Doors

## Pod Apperances

Special:WhatLinksHere/Worf Hates Doors

Lt. Commander Worf is often described on the podcast as having issues with opening and/or going through doors, often expressing surprise or awe at the ease with which other characters interact with them.

Worf's "door nemesis" is Lt. Commander Data, who inadvertently proves Worf to be "door-weak" by comparison. Data frequently humiliates Worf by being the most adept at interacting with doors--even when they are malfunctioning or fused shut. This is maddening to the Klingon security chief because he prides himself on being a strong warrior.

Worf's opinion of the band The Doors has yet to be explored.
The Little D

"The D" is obviously the Entrepreneur. It's been referred as that many a time.

When DS9 got a well-needed add-on in the form of the Defiant it quickly became obvious that Ben And Adam were not going to call it that. For a while they defiantly called it The D, but that didn't feel right. And so The Little D was born.

Is it because the ship is smaller? Is it because the ceiling inside the ship is so low? Is it because they obviously only have the two sets for the ship? Is it because it doesn't have two of the swingingest dicks in Starfleet on it? We'll never know.
TNG 211

Worf carries Data through an Iconian gateway.

Bread BoxData's self-harm impulses
Worf Lightning

*When the Enterprise crosses the neutral zone to touch dongles with another Galaxy-class ship, it soon becomes infected with a computer virus that threatens to kill everyone onboard. But rather than "turn it off, then turn it on," the crew troubleshoots the problem by doing a little light archaeology. Did the USS Yamato get infected by Nagilum? Does Wesley (the boy?) have a direct line to Captain Picard? What is a "Dirty Data"? It's the episode broadcast to you from Shimoda Corner!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Data**

Sticking his arm through the gateway
Ben's pick is **Data**

For the way he throws Geordi off of the electrical force
## Trading Cards

Some VHS ShadowingHaving Some Computer ProblemsGeordi's Wild Ride!Pretty Shoulder-Padded Out!
STLD 0107

What the hell are You looking at?!

*Biomler's eagerness to lateral beam gets him turned into McCoy's transporter fears. With the command crew out space seeding Mariner's academy BFF is acting captain and ready to plant her in the second seat.*

*Biomler is trapped on a ship full of patients headed for Starfleet's @PumpkinSpicePod division of medicine while Mariner fights her terrifying promotion opportunity by playing "hard to want."*

## Edward Larkin

Adam's pick is **Tendi**

For having a ton of fun with The Dog
Ben's pick is **Duckman**

what's the deal with him?
## Trading Cards

The Dog Is Going To Be A Growing ConcernAction Tights!No One Is Horrified. Only AnnoyedHe Definitly Has The Look Of A Captain Of A Spacefaring Haunted HouseI Forgot To Pat My Pockets For Tricorders Before We Left!It's The "This Is Ceti Alpha V" Moment!The Farm Is Real. It Seems NiceIt Looks Like The Horny Aliens In "Encounter At Farpoint"
VOY 113

Fucking magnets! How do they work?

*After being rescued from a Previa trip gone bad, Cha-ko-tay gets his rocks off and it puts him in a mental refractory period. Doc Holoday can't cure him without Tuvok's help but Tuvok's gone full Sgt. Schultz.*

*Turns out they ARE afraid of those ghosts! But the ghost turns out to be Cha-ko-tay who's non-consensually possessing the crew to stop a glowy alien possessed Tuvok from taking the Voyager back to his cloud buddies for dinner. For real!*

## Show Bits

* Bangers
* Sicks Bay
* Pan Flutes of Subtext
* BLT
* Kevin Uxbridge
* McLaughlin Group

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Tim Russ**

For acting all the actables
Ben's pick is **Robert Beltran**

For being the "WTF just happened?" rescued guy
## Trading Cards

He Looks Like The Guy Who Would Hide Out In A Magical CandleHe's Brain Dead. Just Like The Writers Of His Character!It's The Face We All Make Hearing How This WorksForget The Ghost Story! No One Notices The Disappearing Pip?It Looks Like "Middle School Play" Level Of DeathTuvok Sets His Phaser For "Girth"You Can Do It, Captain. No One Dives Across The Horseshoe! But On The Voyager...We Should Never Trust You Again. But For Some Reason, We Will.
TNG 317

Lawyer PicardK urn
Glass Top Coffee Tables

*When the Klingon exchange program gives the Enterprise a very hostile second in command, it's up to the crew to fall in line or risk being murdered in a turbolift. The new guy's meatloaf looks familiar, so he and Worf take a trip to visit their old stomping grounds to dispute an old family controversy. What's the mortality rate in a Klingon hospital? Is it a good idea to "sprinkle the dog" around when you meet new people? Should the hosts take holidays off? It's the episode that was almost called, "Don't Be a Menace to the Klingon Homeworld while Wearing Your Robe in the Hood"!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Picard**

For the hubris to walk through Klingon slums
Ben's pick is **Kahlest**

For living in obscurity while knowing many prominent Klingons
## Trading Cards

Needs Some Of That Nutrogena T-GelHe Crawls Right Up Wesley's Ass!Two Great Tastes That Taste Great TogetherThey Don't Bust Any Tables!The First City Of The Klingon Imperial Empire... Wait, WTF!Stabify!Kirkin' It Up!Worf Ain't No Punk!
TNG 326

A distribution node on a Borg cube.

*Borgs are digging holes in the UFP's yard again & Starfleet wants JLP to hit 'em with the hose. Picard gets Vadered, Riker's job review is touch-&-go, it has a Van Halen title - Best ep. ever!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Picard**

For sitting with his legs crossed during a battle
Ben's pick is **Dr. Crusher**

For marveling at the pyramid devices on the Borg ship
## Trading Cards

I Played "God" In Star Trek VIt's Fine. Except For...A Totally Unnecessary "Indiana Jones"You're All Gonna Die, But It's Gonna Be OK In The Very, Very Long TermMajor Crisis!!!Look Pretty Pleasurable"Double Middles" Are Irrelevant. "Fuck You" Is Futile.Shit Just Got Real!!!
TNG 424

A Geordi La Forge double

LoafClip Show Device
Data's self-harm impulses

*Geordi get bunk-bed-jacked by the Romulans and turned into a hacked webcam. Used to be you couldn't phaser a pot of potatoes on the Enterprise without consent!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Fake Geordi**

For looking nothing like his counterpart
Ben's pick is **Geordi LaForge**

For having a tiki drink in his shuttle in the morning
## Trading Cards

It's 6:30 In The Morning And He's Fucking Drinking!Some Of The Best Klingon Loaf We've SeenRomulan Clip Show Device!Holo Hit On O'BrienShe Senses He May Have "Gotten Down"You're Not Supposed To Be Downrange!I Must Kill... The QueenAnother Phaser Into The Ceiling
PIC 108

Poster by J.J. LendL

*Elnor skips 911 & dials 7-of-9 who says it's time to clear out the Romulan cubejackers by hitting System Restore on the Still-B's. Picard gets his "Told Ya So" moment on Admiral Moira who bitchingly agrees to send in the fleet.*

*Seven assimilates the throne! The Romulans Tsiolkovsky the Borgs and the Ex-B's go George Romero! After reading all the NetFlix descriptions to date Soji proves she's a microchip off the old block by hijacking the ship.*

## Opening Segment

```
*Skipped*

```

## Show Bits

* The Single Brass Instrument Of Subtext
* McLaughlin Group

## Edward Larkin

Adam's pick is **Picard**

For his smirk when asked "Do you believe in Hell?"
Ben's pick is **Raffi**

For thinking a holo was Rios
Honorable Mention: Rios banging on the forcefield
## Trading Cards

I've Fallen And I Can't Get Up And I Need An Extrememly Violent Ex-B!She Killed Maddox Then Shot Herself?!?! This Is A Lot Of Story Baton Passing!Shut Up, Wes.... Picard!!!!She's Touching The Screen! It's So Irritating To See!She Gets To See Picard's Disappointment Face. Like When Worf Killed Duras!She Gets "Event Horizon" Eyes!!!Much Like Wesley And Shimoda She's Force Fielded In And Taken Over The ShipThe Look Of A Dad Who Can't Set Up His Smartphone
TNG 218

## Diminished in Ways We Can't Even Imagine

Lieutenant Worf and Doctor Katherine Pulaski performing the Klingon tea ceremony.

## TNG 218

### Next Episode

USS Dumpy
Covered in a Fish

*When Dr. Pulaski covers for Worf, he returns the favor by showing her what sex is to him. Meanwhile, the ship rescues some Space Irish from some kind of Space Blight before heading off to find their long lost cousins. How dangerous is a Klingon toilet plunger? Why is the transporter beaming people up with the ground underneath them? What are the downsides of phasering your own clone? It's the episode that forced us to bow to the absurd!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Dr. Pulaski**

For trying to bang Worf w/ the tea ceremony
Ben's pick is **Dr. Pulaski**

Also to producers who still think this was a good episode
## Trading Cards

Holding In A Big Boom-BoomPretty Sure It's Pronounced "Hegemony"Jenny McCarthy... A Warrior's ScientistRike Wants To Give Her A Tour...Of His Dick"Party All The Time" Era Eddie MurphyI Prefer To Inseminate PersonallyClones Got Tagged!We Think Sex Is Gross
TNG 308

Kol and Arridor are shocked as the Barzan wormhole changes terminus.

Space ButtholeData's self-harm impulses

*When the Enterprise plays host to a ‘hole’ auction, Riker gets in on the action, leaving Troi to be pursued by Lloyd Braun. It isn’t long before he’s creepily touching her hair. Is a deep vee and a male gaze the only sure way to attract 24th century women? How do you bang in a bunkbed shuttle? Can Riker’s dog be bigged? It’s the episode that turns a previously three dimensional character into a flat one!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Daily Double! **The Episode itself**

For being terrible
## Trading Cards

Devinoni Ral: 25% Empath 100% DouchebagA Huge Space ButtholeAnother Huge Space ButtholeCharacter Development...Shot To HellWhy Not The Previa? Why Not A Probe?Rubbed With Salad DressingA Holocaust Of Sexism!I Thought You Were Sharper, I Bang EverybodyWe Had Some Sweet Bangs, But Fuck You!
TNG 113

Lore (left) and Data (right) are examined by Argyle and Beverly Crusher.

*When the away team beams down to the charred ruins of a desolate planet, they find body parts strewn everywhere that end up belonging to Data's twin brother, Lore. After assembling him they find out that like all pairs of twins, one is good and one is evil. But after giving Lore the full, unsupervised run of his ship, Picard is most concerned with Data's loyalty. The crew needs to figure out whose side he's on fast, because there's a glass pinecone that is bent on destroying the ship. Will Tasha Yar sleep with Lore, too? Will killing a tree save them? It's the episode where we finally inherit the "Shut up, Wesley!" drop (and relay a story we heard about our favorite actor, Biff Yeager)!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Wesley**

For not stopping himself from yelling at the Captain
Ben's pick is **Picard**

For ignoring the security threat posed by Lore
## Trading Cards

A Positronic Brain... That's Ridiculous!A Definite Butt!#ArgyleHubrisI Was Built First, Nyuck, Nyuck, Nyuck!It's a Real Hoot!
Mount Armus

Named for Armus, the greasy tar alien who totally anticlimactically snuffed Lt. Tasha Yar, this is the given title of the mythological mountain of shitty Star Trek: The Next Generation episodes, akin to Mount Rushmore. This symbolic range serves to preserve and pay tribute to the worst that this television show has had to offer.
TNG 409

Dirgo engulfed in a sheet of selenium.

*JLP takes the gimp on 1 last day trip while Riker & Co. keep a space dumpster off some loafs. Trapped in a cave with The Boy and a magic bidet, and Picard's too hurt to enjoy it!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Capt. Dirgo**

For dying predictably
Ben's pick is **Geordi LaForge**

For letting Dirgo's ship pass inspection
## Trading Cards

Evolution's Worst MistakeGypsy Cab Shuttlecraft. Can't Spare A Previa.I'm Gonna Die A Horrible Death. Just You Wait And See.Grab The Box Of Granola Bars Every Shuttlecraft Should HaveThis Bubbler's A Big ProblemClassic Run, Push, Look At Falling RocksHis Head Is On A Rock! Find A Head Rag, Please!MORTAL KOMBAT!!!
VOY 219

Healthy Vidiian

*When the Voyager finds a Vidiian scientist nearly DOA the EMH has to make her brain into a CGI ASAP before her body is SOL. But when he puts the brain in her pre-Phage game skin it produces some very real stirrings in his holobido.*

*Doc Holoday and Danara's romance hits some holographic bumps in the road when her desire to stay in the actual matrix runs against his holocratic oath to save her physical form.*

## Show Bits

* B. Dunks
* Sicks Bay
* BLT
* Maques/Maquis
* Doc Holoday
* Ball Kicking Machine
* Jazz Gummi

## P1 Messages

Promotional Message: Charity

Awkward

Hoofs
Happy Birthday

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Rick Gianasi**

Credited as "Gigolo"
Ben's pick is **Neelix**

For being KY
## Trading Cards

She Has Christmas Lights ImplantsIt's Like He's Peeling Back The Clear Sheets In A World Book Encyclopedia EntryBurger Vidiian Vs. Danara The SmoothCome On Neelix! Read The Room!Mr. Paris. How Do I Soothe The Sore Balls Of Rejection?This May Be The Most Boomery Thing That Has Ever Been Done On Star TrekHe Oversold The Fall Like A Soccor PlayerDon't You Understand? It's My Duty To Save That Booty!
TNG 106

A musician, imagined by a Starfleet officer.

Joke Origin: Natural Yeager

*When the Enterprise crew throws the keys to the ship to The Traveler, he drives it farther out than its ever been before. That is not cool to Captain Picard, who wants to go home immediately. That bit of engineering would be a whole lot easier for The Traveler if he didn't also have lobster-hands. Finally, Ben makes an embarrassing admission about his relationship to Wesley that could change our view of him forever. It's the episode where we finally realize our potential as the two Beethovens of podcasting!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Benjamin Ahr Harrison**

For re-naming himself "Wesley" at summer camp
Ben's pick is **Random crew member in hallway of fire**

For having to "put the flame out in your thoughts!"
## Trading Cards

Biff Yaeger, An Even Cooler Name Than Argyle!After Displaying Arrogance for 3 Straight MinutesBright Orange Kuji SweaterThey Totally Go PlaidA Warthog with a JacketHe Needs the Dialing WandHey Rod, Why Are You So Sweaty?
TNG 618

Arkaria Base on Arkaria

*Some jumpsuits "Under Seige" the D and learn it's not the cook, it's the barber who bad! Two things to always avoid: Starfleet dinner parties and touching another man's warp core!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Riker**

For choosing "getting beaten up" as a method of distraction
Ben's pick is **Brent Spiner**

For his incredibly hammy acting in his "small talk" scenes
## Trading Cards

Wondering If Data Could HangIs This Crew Slowly Pulling Their Pants Down?Having A Fun Time LurkingThat's A Sarek Thing, Right?Starts At The Base, Ends At The TipNo Kathys Permitted To Be ChattyRiker's Distraction... Getting His Ass KickedYippee-Ki-Yay
TNG 305

Captain Picard confronts the Koinonian duplicate of Marla Aster.

Slickback TrilogyPicosby
Kevin Uxbridge
The Blue Beverage Of Subtext

*When an away team accident kills a member of the Enterprise crew, it's up to Captain Picard to deliver the bad news to the newest member of the orphan club. Their grief doesn't last for long, because the fallen crew member reappears and promises a new life for the son she left behind. Is there such a thing as a bloodless Klingon ceremony? Why does Wesley (the boy?) have his own room? Is there more than one way to get a Natural Yeager? It's the first episode of the "Slick Back Trilogy"!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Worf**

For breaking news of his mother's death to the kid at his school while covered in blood
Ben's pick is **The Aliens who created the ghost mom**

For having no real plan
## Trading Cards

She Bought The FarmHeavy Klingon Death Ritual ShitThe Pink Lemonade Of GriefAnother Orphan To Orphan ClubGiving Off Very Strong Pamela Voorhees VibesCan We Remodulate... Something?Are We Sure It's Not Kevin?Surprisingly Blood Free For A Klingon Ritual
Pan Flutes of Subtext

see also: The Single Brass Instrument Of Subtext and The Blue Beverage Of Subtext

## Occurrences

Single Pan Flute of *Doing your Duty and Relieving your Boyfriend to be a Collaborator*goes to **Kira**in DS9 224 "Orb Refractory Period" and she is pissed.

Single Pan Flute of *Imminent Emissary Death* goes to **Kira** in DS9 406 "They Really Spent on the Sparks" as she grieving the pre-death of Sisko on the Bridge

Single Pan Flute of *Wisdom of Ancient Civilizations* goes to Solid State Odo in DS9 512 "Liquor Sherpa" as he tells the baby changeling he will be a better than his parents.
STLD 0208

Beckett Mariner attempting to ride a holographic horse.

*When this one puts the crew through maddeningly hard drills to test their readiness, the bridge crew head to the bunkbeds while the Betas eat claw. But when Boimler tries to 100% Star Trek Borg, the fate of the entire crew will hang in the balance.*

## Show Bits

* Kevin Uxbridge
* Mashed Potatoes
* Jazz Horse
* Borgs
* Nubbin
* Bangers

## Edward Larkin

Adam's pick is **Mirror Rutherford and Mirror Billups**

For the horny/torture conversation
Ben's pick is **Stevens**

For riding Ransom
TNG 526

"To S.L.C. With Love 30 November 1889."

*Marty McData finds his own head under the clock tower at Starfleet HQ. Heavy! They should have sent Data to the present day so he'd get Hal Holbrook's Mark Twain!*

## Drunk Shimoda

Adam's pick is **Data**

For not knowing when to conceal his future/android identity
Ben's pick is **Mark Twain**

For eavesdropping on people he is 5 ft from, while smoking a cigar
## Trading Cards

Snake Cane: A Little Like RemmickIt Should Seem Unusual, Right?He Lost Him In A Day!A Very Ambitious Tone ShiftThe Difference Between A Cook And A ChefOh, Shit!Village Theater Type StuffThey Don't Mention His Casual RacismAdam And Ben Wish This Was The Episode!
War (Card Game)

Following the end of the epic "Adam and Ben Open ST:TNG Portfolio Prints Cards" event, the intrepid hosts decided to switch tactics to a different kind of card game modeled after the simple classic War.

In this segment, Ben and Adam flip over a set of three cards, one at a time, from a deck of the Star Trek Customizable Card Game, at which point they read from/announce which card they flipped and then arbitrarily and super subjectively decide which card is better. Cards range from characters and equipment/items to events and missions, and they are totally not meant to be used in this manner, but it's fun all the same.