Rules, Heroes, And Logic

**Rules, Heroes, And Logic** is the third book in The Books Of Importance.

## Scriptures

Chapter !

The orders of Theodrona

In the days before the creation of the universe, Theodrona roamed The Sea Of Dimensions alone.

And when s/he looked upon the island of Shlocht, s/he saw that the monks had changed their ways of worship. And so Theodrona travelled down to Shlocht, s/he said unto the monks,

“WHYHAVEYOUCHANGED YOURWAYSOFWORSHIPYOUSTUPIDGITS?”

And the monks said unto Theodrona, “It is because the great Spider Demon Silaricnom has forced us to, o great one.”

And Theodrona did laugh, a hearty rubbish bin laugh.

“WHY<ITISONLYTHE COWARDSTHATWOULD BOWDOWNTOA SPIDERDEMON>PERHAPSYOUARENOTASWORTHYASKINGNEBUCHADNEZZAR ONCETHOUGHTYOUTOBE>

And the monks did beg for forgiveness from the great Theodrona.

But it was at this moment that Silaricnom himself returned from his cave. Silaricnom came down unto the monks. He said, “So, you conspire against me with the false god/goddess?”

But before he could destroy the monks, Theodrona ordered him to stop. And Theodrona said, “IAMNOFALSEGOD/GODDESS<YOUARE!”

Silaricnom then shot fire from his mouth, but Theodrona was able to block this black magyk and deflect it. The black magyk blasted back and knocked the cruel Spider Demon onto his back. And Theodrona then smote Silaricnom to ash, and the ash did fly into the Sea Of Dimensions. With the Spider Demon destroyed, Theodrona called the monks out of hiding from behind their rock.

“NOWTHATYOUHAVEBEENSAVED<IMUSTGIVEYOUSOMERULESTOKEEPTHISFROM

HAPPENINGONCEAGAIN>

And so Theodrona writ out some rules, which were engraved on the rocks by the monks. And the rules did read: Never harm another woman/man’s child, for all children are of Ancient blood. Never stray from worship of the Ancients, but if you should you will go to a slightly lesser place then the land of beauty. Keep worshipping the Ancients, and you shall be sent to the Antique Shop in the sky upon your death. Make sure not to drink goat’s blood; for it is the blood of the cursed Spider Demon, and will thus transform you into a Spider Demon. Don’t ask why. Do not do any of the following: murder, rape, overeating, binge drinking, binge watching TV, binge reading Stephen King, eating flowers (for they are the fruit of Bob). And finally (and most importantly), never drink another man/woman’s beer.

Chapter !!

The travels of Salochin

Twas then that Theodrona left Shlocht and flew to the blackness to create the Universe. One monk On Shlocht that had watched Theodrona destroy Silaricnom was named Salochin. Salochin was a very brave monk, and he was the only monk who did not bow to the rule of Silaricnom. After the orders had been engraved, Salohcin left Shlocht to explore the Sea Of Dimensions.

The first place he arrived at was a mountain, the smallest of the Triplet Peaks. He was about to climb it, but a Zellephod Kraken attacked him, and he ran the Hel away. Soon enough, he crashed into Gorgon, the surfboard dimension, which was going over the speed limit, as usual. The Medusa of Gorgon pulled Salohcin up and gave him a flower to eat. But he did remember the orders of Theodrona and he showed these rules to the Medusa, who cheerfully showed them to the rest of Gorgon. And thus all of Gorgon was converted to Ancientism in a matter of seconds, and they never at flowers again. After a comfortable stay onboard Gorgon, Salochin said goodbye to his Centaur, Medusa, Harpy, Unicorn, Satyr, Basilisk, Siren, Griffin, Cyclops, and Pegasus friends and left.

As he rowed through the Sea Of Dimensions, he was thrown around like a P in a pod, but through the grace of Satan, he survived. 13-Soon enough, he arrived at the sea dimension, ruled by the pirates Redbeard, Bluebeard, Blackbeard, Greenbeard, Greybeard, and Yellowbeard. He was met by Bluebeard, who recognized him (from the newspapers about Gorgon) and brought him into the cabin. There, he made an attempt to kill Salochin, but Salochin did say unto Bluebeard: “Read the orders of Theodrona!” Bluebeard and his entire crew did read the orders of Theodrona, and they were instantly converted. Bluebeard apologized, gave Salochin some food, and sent him on his way.

Very soon, Salochin arrived at the cliffs of THIS HAS BEEN REMOVED DUE TO COPYRIGHT CLAIMS. He flew all the way to Earth, were he was caught by some Romans. Once again, he showed them the scriptures, and they were instantly converted. From this simple fact, the Romans have been proven to be the only worthy humans. Sadly, Salochin then travelled to France, where he was captured and drowned in wine.

The moral of this story is: heroes die no matter what.

Chapter !!!

Logical phrases

1-He who laughs last gets beaten up first.

2-Beds are for sleeping, not assassinations.

3-Impossible is a word only to be found in the dictionary for fools.

4-Shoot for the moon, and if you miss you are a terrible failure.

5-The idea is to die young as late as possible.

6-Don’t count the days...unless you’re in prison.

7-An eye for an eye, a tongue for a tongue, a life for a free book.

8-I tried my hardest and still failed miserably. The lesson is, don’t try.

9-If Life gives you lemons, throw them back in Life’s face.