Stone 60

**Chapter 60**

Thug Lee stands guard over Kahlan and she manages to get a little sleep. She guesses it to be *"between midnight and dawn,"* meaning that Thug Lee has been guarding Kahlan for roughly 18 hours, minus however much time her kangaroo trial took. Yep. That sounds plausible.

Kahlan muses that *"The good spirits hadn't helped her; she had helped herself. She felt self-satisfaction at what she had done. She had not given up."*

This sounds suspiciously like a screed against religion. I seem to recall a quotation, I think it goes, *"God helps those who help themselves."* Meaning, don't just wait for a big golden hand from the sky to reach down and make everything all better. I'm pretty sure the whole **point** of faith is to believe even in the absence of hard evidence; that's why it's called "faith." and really, Who's to say it wasn't the good spirits who helped her unlock her Mindrapist power? Huh? Huh?

Yet Kahlan is all smug and self-satisfied, convinced of her righteousness. I am reminded of another quotation, one often misquoted: *"Pride goeth before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall."*

*"And the good spirits had left her to it, as they always did. Kahlan was furious with the good spirits. Though she had lived her whole life to see their ideals upheld, they never once helped her."*

What, exactly, are the good spirits' ideals? No, really. We've never **once** had any hint that the GS want humans to behave in a particular way. No Ten Commandments, no holy writ, no Golden Rule, nothing. Judging by Kahlan's conduct, the GSs' ideals include mindrape, slavery, tyranny and the enforcement of class boundaries. \~/

And the GS have apparently never helped Kahlan, ever. Why, then, did she continue to uphold their ideals? Better question: if the GS have never once helped Kahlan, why did she expect them to do so now? And what did she expect; an angel with a flaming sword? A bolt of lightning from on high? \~/

So Kahlan decides that she's through with the GS, and also with the people of the Midlands. She abandons her role as Mother Confessor and decides that she only cares about herself, Richard, and her friends. That sounds like the kind of determination and willpower you want in your Superpowered Magical Rulers, doesn't it?

Anyway the torch goes out (wait; there was a torch??) and the Band o' Thugs jumps Thug Lee. Before they can kill him, Chandelier is there, trying to open the trapdoor and save Kahlan. After a stupid bit where Kahlan has to tell Chandelier to use a key to open the trapdoor, Thug Lee is killed and Kahlan escapes.

Chandelier and Kahlan pass a bunch of garrotted corpses and find Orsk in the middle of *"a bloody battle."* Or, more accurately, the *aftermath* of a bloody battle, since Orsk is the only guy still alive. Yes, Orsk single-handedly (and single-eyedly) took out a whole indeterminate number of enemy troops. How lucky is Kahlan; every guy she mindrapes turns out to be an incredible badass in combat?

Kahlan grabs up an axe and they press on, finding the (nameless) captain of the guards busy sexin' up some woman. Chandelier kills the captain and the woman turns out to be Jebra. It seems that she fainted because she suddenly had a vision of Kahlan being beheaded and was overcome with joy horror. She remembered that Kahlan had a friend in the woods, so she went and got Chandelier to stage the daring rescue. Finally the gang meets up with Sanderholt, and our Moltey Band is complete.

As they're escaping, Kahlan suddenly turns and heads back into the palace. Chandelier wants to know what the hell she's doing, and it turns out she's going after Grandfather's knife (which is totally worth getting killed over; yes sirree \~/). So the four of them head back up to Kahlan's rooms, slaughtering any number of hapless mooks along the way. Frankly, I am not impressed with the caliber of these soldiers; aside from three whose deaths are described, Orsk kill *"several,"* and Kahlan *"lost count of how many men Chandalen [killed]."* Along the way Kahlan loses her axe and picks up a Keltish sword; not sure if that will be significant.

They reach Kahlan's room, where in addition to the bone knife she takes the time to pack her wedding dress [!] \~/ as well as her other clothes [!!], all of which have been cleaned and laid out [!!!]. She grabs her bow and white wolfskin mantle and they *finally* head out of the castle.

But! As they reach the bottom of the Giant Awesome Staircase of Awesomeness, Kahlan stumbles, except that *"She hadn't stumbled."* Somehow, Ranson magicked her leg, which is now in agonizing pain. Kahlan orders the other three to flee while Ranson hurls lightning bolts all around her without ever actually hitting her. Like a moron Ranson doesn't just kill her; instead he promises to send her back to the Rape Pit of Rapiness. \~/

Kahlan unships her bow, but in addition to throwing lightning everywhere but at her and animating a stone vine to try to strangle her, Ranson is *still* causing pain to shoot through her leg. Somehow. Kahlan sights on him but she hurts too much, it's too long a shot, whaa whaa whaa. She flashes back to Richard teaching her how to shoot an arrow, and how he would "call the target."

*"With a jolt, the target came to her, as if the wizard were standing right in front of her."* Wait; I thought it was established that Richard was doing this with magic. If not, it was certainly heavily implied. Can Richard teach magic now? Is mindraping magic really flexible enough to provide a magical sniper scope? \~/

Kahlan shoots, Ranson dies, and Kahlan shots *"To the Keeper with you, Wizard Neville Ranson!"* This causes a crack of thunder and *"a ripple of total darkness swept across the room."* Kahlan realizes that Satan has indeed taken Ranson...which is **supposed to be impossible.** We've been told that Satan is trapped in Hell; how can he pop out to collect random wizards' souls? Why didn't this happen when Prim died; he was a Satanist? How about Nuns #2 and #3; at least one of them was a Bad Nun, remember? **What the hell?** \~/\~/

Oh, wait; it only happens when it's DRAMATIC!

*grumble grumble*

A Random Guard leaps out of nowhere to grab Kahlan, but she flips him over the railing of the Giant Awesome Staircase of Awesomeness. As he falls, he snatches Kahlan's round bone necklace which she got from Adie a book ago. This inspires Kahlan to say *"Curse the good spirits!"* before catching up with her rescuers.

Kahlan and her Cronies escape the palace, and Kahlan insists that she is no longer the Mother Mindrapist, but merely Kahlan. Jebra infodumps that Zedd sent her to Aydindril to help Kahlan and Richard, and to have them wait there. She recommends that Kahlan stay in Aydindril to hide, using the ol' it's-the-last-thing-anyone-would-expect strategy.

Kahlan muses that *“She was known in Aydindril. No, not exactly. Her long hair was known. People other than councilors, ambassadors, staff, and nobility rarely saw the Mother Confessor up close, and when they did they mostly stared at her long hair. She no longer had that hair.”*

I know there is no internet or TV or other forms of easy mass communication, but I find it unlikely that Kahlan, the freakin' *Empress of the Midlands,* can waltz about incognito because her hair is suddenly shorter. If the President of the United States walked out one day sporting a big afro, I think most people would still be able to identify him. \~/ I also find it questionable that when the lowly scum commoners actually get near enough to Kahlan to see her, all they do is stare blankly at her hair. \~/

And yes, this is yet another way in which the sexist hair-length thing is stupid.

Anyway, they decide to pose as Jebra's servants, establish that Zedd very conveniently gave her some gold, and end the chapter.

Drinks: 11

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