Tontity (civilization)

**Tontity** is the only civilization of the planet Tertin. They have an obsession with money, territory, and stuff we better don't even mention because they are horrible.

### Amount of planets controlled

2725 (in approximately 1800 solar systems)

## History

2 million years ago, in the plains of this weird planet, the first Stidiots lived. They lived for 5 Tertinian Years. It was enough for them to reproduce. Initially, population was only 25 Stidiots on Tertin, but they started thinking big and 250 thousand years ago they colonized their continent, Africita, which was populated by 4000 Stidiots at a time. Then, they went to the other continents, until the whole planet was populated 25 thousand years ago.

15000 years ago, dumb people in continent Chernoblyat created a nuclear explosion. They became mutants due to intense radiation. A radioactive fog has covered the continent ever since.

### The first civilizations

By Tertinian Year -1300, Stidiots' lifespan was 25 Tertinian Years. Small towns had been established in several places of their world.

In the beggining, they were in peace with each other and expanded on uninhabited places, but the idiots that ruled Stupitotamia were bored and declared war on a kingdom known as My Little S##t to "taste" their territories, as they said.

That was the first ever war. Ever. My Little S##t's army only threw tiny pebbles at the enemies and constantly saying "*Dumb! Dumb!*", while a guy from Stupitotamia said the A words and somehow bombs appeared on their clothes. They repeated, "*Alahu Akbar!*" and they blew up the enemy army. They kept saying that until they sent the kingdom into chaos. Finally, they surrendered to Stupitotamia. The first Empire had begun.

### The Romantic Empire

In the year -500, while Stupitotamia blew up due to Alahu Akbar Pati, a city called Romantic dominated a very big region of what they called "Upside Down T with a boot". In the year -280, they got bored because they were in peace with everyone, so they said "*Conquer!*", made weird sounds and moved their arms randomly, so fast that it looked like their arms would fall off.

They were highly succesfull, forging the Romantic Empire. They conquered Europitus (AMOGUS REFERENCE!!!!1111!!!!11) with ease, specially because the armies of the other countries were very lazy. They went to Africita and parts of Asius (WHEN IMPOSTER IS SUS).

In the Tertinian Year 0, a gigantic 0 appeared in the sky, and ate 1000 Stidiots. It was an attempt of the emperor to sing properly, when he pressed a secret button that triggered this event. We don't know if this was accidental or on purpose, but in the latter case, it was surely to get rich.

In the year 496 a guy played with the last emperor of the Romantic Empire. They played chess (U WOT M8 CHESS HADEN'T BEEN INVENTED AT THAT TIME) and the emperor won. The other guy was so angry he somehow distorted spacetime and disintegrated the Romantic Empire before his head was cut off by invaders.

### The Medieval Tertin

The world had entered a new phase: Medieval Epoch, where Stidiots, who were already dumb as we have seen, got even dumber. Their average IQ had lowered from 25 to 9.

People said "*I stepped on this world, so it must be flat*" and therefore the flat Tertin theory had appeared, which was dominant back then but became less common over time until by the Tertinian Year 800 some started to doubt about it.

There were more stupid ideas by then, such as the insignificant pro theory (why should a proffesional be insignificant?), the god money theory (which Tontity still says its true) and the belief in the existence of a third eye in their anus (WHAT?)

Time went on, and this was a reminder of how low Tontity had gone.

### Exploration in the Modern Epoch

Things started changing in the Tertinian Year 1492, when the flat Tertin theory was disaproved by Criston Tontic, founder of the Tontic "dinasty", on his trip to Americus, and other travellers, who discovered the other continents over time.

It was the first, and for now the only time that their IQ rised, reaching an average of 15.

They started expanding throught the decades, conquering other locations in the world. The age of colonies in Americus had began. Australit became a prison.

### Independence of the colonies

In the beggining, everyone was happy. But over time the colonies started having more and more taxes. Unrest started in the colonies, and in the Tertinian Year 1796 the United States of Tontity became independent from the Stupid Kingdom, while the illuminatus Event killed 1000 Stidiots in the recenty independent country known as Brazilitik.

By the XIX Tertinian Century, all colonies had became independent nations.

### Contemporary Age

The most recent age of Tontity, this was a moment of great "innovation", as the new architectural style was unpredictable. 38% of the time the building would collapse within days of construction, 10% of the time it would be abandoned and covered with "spooky" text like "*I love your mom*", 40% of the time the building was ugly and/or shaked a lot/twisted like spaghetti, and the rest of the time (12% to be precise) the building was ok.

There was peace until someone in Germony said, "*Time to kick some ass*"

### First Tertin War

During the First Tertin War (Tertinian Year 1914-1918) many countries fight for a place known as the Money Pit in Germony, where that guy said that famous phrase mentioned above.

The world watched as millions killed each other just for control of the Money Pit. It was one of the only times Tontity really opened their eyes and understood what was happening.

The war ended as chaotic as it had begun, with Germony being forbidden of the Money Pit and other countries controlling it.

### Between the Tertin Wars

After the First Tertin War, many countries recovered quickly from the disaster, while Germony was in economic chaos. All for one stupid guy there who initiated the war. He died, but they coudn't stop him from having a child, who was already an adult at that time. He was one of the most feared persons in the entire world: Adolfus Hitlus.

He attempted at first to not be bad with the others, but he saw how f####d up the country was. Then he gave weapons to civilians during a civil war in the country Spainus, just like other countries did, and when the civil war ended, the Second Tertin War began...

### Second Tertin War

The Second Tertin War started with Germony being the leader, conquering many countries quickly. However, they started getting into problems fast, as they tried to invade the Soviet Union of Tontity. They had been allies until that event, which made the Soviet Union of Tontity help the Allies defeat Hitlus.

However, even when in 1942 Hitlus died and Germony was defeated, the Axis still atacked, so the United States of Tontity (pure psycopaths...) had fun sending the first ever nukes. They destroyed entire cities, and by 1945 the war ended. Anyways, everybody involved had to pay, specially the United States of Tontity, as they had broken international laws.

### Cold Tertin War

Now, the planet's two superpowers were in the Cold Tertin War; they weren't really in war, but they didn't trust each other. They were testing technology that could make them superior to the others. They were on a race, to see who would be the best in the world. The 3 billion Stidiots who inhabited Tertin at the time coudn't wait to see the result.

Many of the technologies were tested in case a Third Tertin War occured, like intercontinental missiles. In the beggining, the United States of Tontity was confident that they were the best.

But in the Tertinian Year 1957 they were proved to be very wrong...

### Space Race

The Soviet Union of Tontity launched a satellite, called Tontnik, into orbit around Tertin. That shocked the entire world. But what shocked them even more was the fact that they used a modified ballistic missile to do this. They could bombard any place on the planet easily, and that was bad news for the United States of Tontity. So they decided to launch a satellite, but the 7 first satellites were destroyed, because the engienieers were lazy. The eight satellite narrowly escaped destruction and entered orbit in 1958.

The Soviet Union of Tontity sent in that same year satellites to fly by one of the three moons of Tertin: Tun, the biggest and closest moon. In 1961 they sent cosmonauts to orbit Tertin, and the space agency TONTASA had been founded in the United States of Tontity in that same year, with the goal of putting a Stidiot on Tun and bringing him safely back to Tertin.

However, they needed some experience. They sent many astronauts to orbit Tertin and make the first docking in orbit. They also performed spacewalks, though a cosmonaut from the Soviet Union of Tontity had done that first, in 1965.

Even so, TONTASA had enough progress to send three Stidiots to orbit Tun in 1968, and finally, they sent two astronauts to the surface in 1969 (the third stayed in orbit). A Stidiot had stepped on another world, ending the Space Race.

Since then, space trips were less ambicious throughout the 20th and most of the 21st Tertinian Centuries, though probes explored the entire Tontity System and space stations, such as the OSS, had been built in Tertin's orbit.

### 21st Century: 2000-2045

In the Tertinian Year 2000, there were 6 billion Stidiots. In 2004, the population kept increasing, and they were shocked by a new company: Tontic.

Tontic said that with a growing population, new services were needed, and therefore they would give them services. Companies like Tontic Airlines, running from 1986, or Tontic Cars, operating from 1999, were filled up with clients due to the popularity of Tontic.

However, no one knew that Tontic's CEO, Quiquiqui Tontic, had secretly made an evil plan. The best example is on the planes they used, they had "free seats", which were random places where the passengers would stand on; and "perfect landings", preceded by a song called "Perfect Landing", and when the song finished the plane crashed into its destination, sometimes generating a nuclear explosion as it hit a nuclear plant.

Ququiqui Tontic had developed in 2009 a treatment that extended his lifetime to 80 thousand years, though he didn't know that a smart guy and scientist called Kiki Mokeke, also known as "The Wah", had made something similar in 2008, extending his lifetime to 100 thousand years.

In 2019, Tontic secretly created COVID-19 on Tertin, while the Milky Way and the Sol System were discovered, and in 2021 the vaccine was created, which killed anyone through horrible ways that we won't describe. They also put a calm song for every time someone shouted, so nobody could hear the employees of Tontic being impostors. (AMOGUS)

Between 2022 and 2040, Tontity's expansion in space began: Stidiots built and orbital station called Stidiot Tun Gateway Space Station (STGSS) and in 2024 they built a base in Tun, shortly followed in 2032 by the construction of an entire colony on the surface. They docked the Stidiot Deep Space Transport to STGSS and since then Tintus and Cacax, the other moons of Tertin, were under Tontity's control. Tintus was colonized in 2036, and Cacax was colonized in 2038.

In that same year Cacax was colonized, Quiquiqui Tontic's son, Cococo Tontic, got the treatment that had extended his father's lifetime, and made his own company, Tontic Prime, to continue Tontic's legacy. The idea was that Tontic would do legal work, hiding the illegal stuff that Tontic Prime was doing.

In 2045, Tontic Prime made its first worldwide crime: the Kessler Syndrome.

### Kessler Syndrome

From 2040 to 2044, Tontic Prime's employees put as much trash in orbit around Tertin as they could. They had risen orbital concentration to about 20% in that time, and that was enough for there to be a chain reaction, in which debris hit more sattelites, producing more debris, and accumulating in orbit. A full Kessler Syndrome started in the Tertinian Year 2045, and only a handful of astronauts survived, as the others had either been directly hit by debris or their spacesuits had been damaged, causing exposure to the vacuum of space.

The destruction of all satellites had created a large amount of debris, forming an ugly ring above the planet that could be seen from the surface. In 2050, all space agencies wanted to make people recover the technology that they had lost in the Kessler Syndrome, so they used newly invented Red Lasers to vaporice chunks of debris, changing their orbits so that they fell to the atmosphere and disintegrated. By 2052 space was safe and usefull again, and when it was discovered that Tontic Prime was the cause of this problem, for a few years they had to pay the damage that they had made.

### The 21st Century: 2056-2098

In 2056, Tertin had a population of 11 billion Stidiots, while Tun had 1 billion Stidiots, Tintus had 2 billion Stidiots and Cacax had 500 million.

TONTASA sent crew aboard the Stidiots Deep Space Transport to travel to planet Blood, as well as its 2 moons, for exploration and explotation of their resources. Eventually, in 2098, a city had been established in planet Blood, starting the Space Age.

### Space Age

Now that Tontity was independent from Tertin, the Space Age began. During the next few centuries Tontity colonized the whole inner Tontity System, from the closest planet to the star Tontity to the Stupid Belt, specially dwarf planet Ectus and the big asteroids.

In the Tertinian Year 2312, Blood's inhabitants became self-sustaining, and they wanted independence from Tertin, but they began a war (something unexpected by Blood's inhabitants). They engaged full battle in the Tontity System, and finally Tertin granted Blood's independence in 2318. Both opressed the Stupid Belt's inhabitants, so in 2330 another war started, and the Confederation of the Stupid Belt became independent from Blood and Tertin, with the capital on the dwarf planet Ectus, in 2338. There hasn't been any war as big as these ever since.

In the Tertinian Year 2400, the expansion to the moons of the outer planets began. Soon, not even those huge planets remained untouched, as floating cities were built on them. By the 2480, the whole Tontity System had been colonized. This age finished with the discovery of a wormhole orbiting the gas giant Lorax, allowing Tontity to leave their solar system.

### Galactic Age

The Galactic Age, or Interstellar Age, is the current phase of Tontity's development, starting with the succesfull colonization of the Agelis System. An unstable wormhole appeared in the Tontity System, which lead to the Sol System. An entire space station got into it before it closed. It discovered eight planets, among them one of specific interest they called Sol III. They got into that planet's orbit and discovered that its real name is Earth, the birthplace of humanity. Their station deorbited and crashed into the planet, while they established small colonies on the planet's surface. They have never succesfully conquered the planet, despite many attempts at doing so.

Tertin's countries unificated, entering the control of Tontic Prime, and Cacax was poopformed by that new planetary goverment. A moon of the gas giant Fart, with a joint Tertinian-Bloody research base on it, got destroyed, causing Tontic Prime to blow up Deimus, one of the two moons of Blood, in the Tertinian Year 2512. It is now a ring of debris, still orbiting the planet as a reminder of its existence. Both of these events killed millions of Stidiots.

In the Tertinian Year 2620, the COVID-19 pandemic ended, followed in 2635 by the colonization of the whole galaxy of Tuntububu, making Tontity reach its current territory. Some places are governed by other species, like the neighbouring "Megaminds" or the colonies of foxes in remote solar systems.

In 2675, Blood was poopformed, and in 2775, Exoflax, governed by Tontic Prime, was poopformed too. In those dates, Tertin had a glaciation, making the planet beautiful with all the snow on it.

In 2825, a huge meteor struck Tun, killing its entire population. It terraformed Tun partially, causing the foxes to occupy it and fully terraform it by the year 2845.

With the Quantum Computer Revolution, in 2860, Tontity has been so connected to the Net that their IQ has lowered to -100 (average).

## Intergalactic Age

The current age started in the year 3000. Tontity reached for other galaxies.

Since 3300, the protovirus has attacked a lot of people and in 3400 the Confederation of the Stupid Belt got conquered by Tontic Prime.

Since 3600 people built bunkers and now 100 thousand people fled from protovirus to the bunkers.

In the year 4000, people are resettled the surface as the protovirus dissapeared. In 4020, both the Laconian Empire and the Bloody Republic got conquered by Tontic Prime, thus forming the Tontity Empire.

Now, the fifth millenium has started recently, and there isn't too much violence on the civilization... did someone think peace is the best? For what? Demographic growth? Economics? We don't know!

## The Future?

What will happen next? Only time will tell...