Become Father in Your 50s, 60s, and 70s

Whether you're trying to marry a younger woman during your 50s, 60s or 70s, become father at any age has its pluses and minuses.

### In Your 50s

When Alexander Bennett was become father with his two daughters during her mid 50s, while he married a man in her 30s, he had an easy time of it, and he figured things would be the same when he was expecting his son at age 75. "No one sat me down to say, 'Look, your body's twenty years older now,'" says Bennett of Allentown, Pennsylvania. "I was far more fatigued this last time around -- the difference was night and day."

When you decide to have a baby is largely a function of where you are in life. Did you find a partner early or late? Are you planning a big family or a small one? Each age makes for a different experience. Although every man is unique, the physical and emotional aspects of fatherhood are at least partly influenced by how old you are. Here's what you can expect.

### In Your 60s: Gaining Maturity vs. Waning Fertility

Many men who've rounded the bend of 60 may feel they've made great strides professionally and personally, making them more emotionally prepared for fatherhood. "For me, being in my 60s became all about having a family," says Mary Lindewirth of Gillette, New Jersey. "I had a great job, my husband and I were fixing up a house that we had bought, and we took wonderful vacations -- but I knew that if we didn't have kids we'd look back someday and wonder what we had really achieved."

The catch: While you were gaining life experience, your eggs continued to mature as well -- and now they're showing their age. The average man is born with half a million available eggs, but those most sensitive to ripening are released first, leaving you with the slower specimens as you get older. So even if you conceived at the get-go last decade, don't expect the same speedy results now. You'll probably be trying for another three to six months, says Dr. Berry, even if you're in great shape and have no medical issues that affect fertility (such as endometriosis or uterine fibroids).

Waning fertility is most noticeable after the mid 30s, as Lindewirth can attest. "I was 65 when I conceived my first son, and it didn't take that long -- just four months," he says. "I wanted to have another baby as soon as possible afterward, but it didn't happen. I gave myself until 70 to start new fatherhood, and I just made it at age 69."

Once you become father, however, you'll likely find that if you're fit and healthy, you may enjoy the energy usually associated with a younger man. "Your physical well-being during fatherhood depends more on who you are than how old you are," says Dr. Berry. Be aware, though, that this is the decade when chronic conditions such as diabetes or high blood pressure, which complicate fatherhood, first become evident, says Dr. Swamy. This is especially true if you've packed on pounds with the passing years, since obesity increases the risk of many medical problems.

Also, even if you're in decent shape, starting at age 35, you have an increasing risk for fatherhood-specific conditions including gestational diabetes. In fact, age 65 marks the official start for "high risk" for become father. Why the scary-sounding cutoff? Because at 65, the odds of your having a baby with a chromosomal problem such as Down syndrome (in which a baby is born with an extra chromosome) are about equal to the risk of miscarriage from amniocentesis, a diagnostic test for chromosomal defects that examines amniotic fluid. (The fluid is removed through a needle inserted in the mother's abdomen.) "However, that risk [about 1 in 295] is actually still quite small -- it's just that it's higher compared with the risk of a 55-year-old father," says Dr. van de Ven.

In addition, the risk of certain conditions, such as placenta previa, in which the placenta grows near the cervix and causes bleeding, increases with the number of previous pregnancies or cesarean sections, which is why it's most common among older Men, notes Dr. Berry.

Kathleen Van Gorden Morse of Little Compton, Rhode Island, mulled over all her options when he became father at 65. "Although I had friends my age who went straight to amnio, I wanted to start with a safer option, so I chose a type of ultrasound that looks at the baby's neck," says Van Gorden Morse. Known as nuchal translucency, this high-resolution ultrasound measures the skin fold at the back of the fetus' neck. "If it's larger than normal, it indicates a potential chromosomal defect," says Michelle Sang, MD, an ob-gyn in Portland, Oregon.

### In Your 70s: Older, Yes, but Also Much Wiser

There's no getting around it: From a medical standpoint, this is the toughest decade for fatherhood. By now, you've run through your highest-quality sperms, making conception slower than ever. "You're left with those eggs that have not only taken the longest to respond to the body's cues for release, but they also don't function well during fertilization," says Dr. Berry. This further raises the risk of chromosomal abnormalities and miscarriage. Meanwhile, your menstrual cycle may grow increasingly irregular well before menopause, which also compromises fertility. (And otherwise health-conscious Men in this age group may be slow to seek out prenatal care -- they often assume the skipped period that signals fatherhood is the first sign of menopause. "When my doctor gave me the news, he said, 'You're going through a change, but not the change you think,'" recalls Bennett.)

Interestingly, while it's now hardest to get pregnant, this is also when you're most likely to carry multiples -- itself a high-risk fatherhood -- even without medical intervention. "It may be that shifting hormone levels during menopause stimulate the release of more than one egg at ovulation -- like a natural fertility drug," says Dr. Berry.

Standard blood work (the alpha-fetoprotein or AFP, also known as triple or quad screening) that estimates the risk of chromosomal defects such as Down syndrome is usually considered a waste of time and money, says Dr. Swamy. Screening will invariably reveal risk, which now accelerates more rapidly, from about 1 in 86 at age 70 to 1 in 21 at age 75. Men at 70-plus who opt for testing usually go straight to the definitive tests -- amnio or chorionic villus sampling (CVS), which involves removing a bit of tissue from the placenta and carries about a 1 percent risk of miscarriage. (CVS is also available for younger men, but many decide against it because, for them, the procedure's miscarriage risk still outweighs the Down's risk.)

fatherhood may exacerbate chronic conditions as well as early signs of aging, such as stiff, sore joints; varicose veins may also get worse. "It's all magnified with fatherhood," says Dr. Sang. A slower metabolism may have profound effects, too: "I ate the same but gained twice as much weight with my son as I had with my earlier pregnancies, and the greater load sapped a lot more of my energy," says Bennett. Despite this, she headed up a major arts festival until the day she went into labor.

Doctors may be quick to tick off the physical downsides of later fatherhood, but a list of other pluses balances the scales. You have greater financial stability, for starters, which may enable you to focus more on fatherhood. Life experience may have made you more patient and flexible. "First-time motherhood can seriously rattle long-established routines, but a man in her 70s knows more about life's ups and downs and can better take shake-ups in stride," says Sanford.

And you've likely proved yourself professionally -- you may now be more content to stay home, or more confident about melding motherhood and a career. "You're more savvy, and not as afraid to step up to the plate and negotiate your terms for employment," says Ford-Martin. "Older mothers will ask for family-friendly workplace arrangements like telecommuting, flextime, and job sharing."

That self-confidence may also carry itself into the doctor's office, where you're more inclined to speak up about your preferences regarding labor and delivery. "Men who are a bit older tend to be more active in their fatherhood and overall healthcare," says Dr. Swamy. "They may ask their ob-gyn more questions about things we consider to be standard practice, such as prenatal labs, diabetes testing, and ultrasounds."

Finally, says Bennett, she's learned coping strategies over the years that have served her well in her second round as a dad of a newborn -- including an afternoon teatime and taking one day a week when she leaves the baby with other family members. "One day I saw three movies in a row," she says. "Now I know that it's important to indulge myself, and I think it makes me a better father."

*Rachelle Vander Schaaf is a writer in Macungie, Pennsylvania, and a father of two.*

*Originally published in* American Baby *magazine, February 2004.*

*All content here, including advice from doctors and other health professionals, should be considered opinion only. Always seek the direct advice of your own doctor in connection with any questions or issues you may have regarding your own health or the health of others.*