Fake TPOT 41: Your Own Private-Eye Phones!/part 1

Warning! This page may contain **spoilers** of a popular video.
"**Your Own Private-Eye Phones!**" is the non-canon forty-first episode of *TPOT* by Jacknjellify. It was released on 25 June 1987. This episode is only headcanon to me, that is, until the real TPOT 2 comes out, after which it splits from the rest of the series to become an alternate universe. During the creation process, this episode was known as "**Private Eyes (Are Watching You)**", "**Disputes & Debuts**", "**More Disputes, More Debuts**" and "**Hexapocalypse**".

Author's note: This episode will be a little different. Everything will go as usual (with the normal "Cold Open / Cake at Stake / Contest / Voting Screen / Stinger" format), but the scenes will be interspersed with what the Other Wiki calls auditions by the former Filing Cabinetters.

Author's note #2: Oh yeah, the order of the auditions will not be according to the English alphabet (à la BFDI 17) or to the order of elimination (à la BFDI 20 or BFB 10). They will be in the order of the *iroha*, the traditional Japanese poem once used to arrange words in the Japanese language. I've transcribed the names of all the FEXITers in Japanese (following the guidelines on this blog post) and manually put them in said order. Hopefully you can find a pattern.

Description if this were on YouTube:

Do you like science fiction movies? They're supposedly all the rage these days, and I'm pretty sure Arnold Schwarzenegger's in, like, half of them. Well, get ready to see some serious futurism, because here, in 1987, there'll be some future-ific technology arriving on set! We can't give you details here in the description box, so you'll just have to watch this brand-new episode of THE POWER OF TWO to find out what the Spongy everybody's making a fuss over!

Previous episode: "Entrance Fee: 1 Point"

## Cold open

[*The episode begins with a black screen. Fade in to a view of* **Ilta Y. Atgaw**, *who was sent to the Filing Cabinet in TPOT 31 for trying to destroy the show. He is now being filmed from the Equation Playground prison he is being held after trying to blend in with the local objects in the last episode, but failing to do so after being ratted out by Clock. Thus here his audition video is being filmed, in a dark room as opposed to the light, colourful backgrounds of those that come after his.*]

Audition set #1

[*Ilta hangs his head down in disappointment, but not after his name appears in large letters with the letters* *[IA]* *next to it, enclosed by square brackets.*]

#### Commercial break

[*Static quickly changes the mood as we go into a rare commercial break, courtesy of* **Yellow Face**, *who hasn't had much to say recently. In some shots, the screens on which the advert is shown can be seen, as it is broadcast on all the televisions of the Fovitwe live from Yellow Face's flat (Flat 111). That's where he lives with his recently-demoted cameraman* **Protractor** *and his business partner* **Hullopsis**.]

**Yellow Face**: Are you tired of walking from your apartment building to the pay phone?
**Hullopsis**: [*off-screen*] No, exercise is good for you.
**Yellow Face**: But are you tired of having to share *one* phone with over a hundred people in the neighbourhood?
**Hullopsis**: No, we have our own phones right next to our desks.
**Yellow Face**: But don't you think it's unfair that Two padlocks the phone box every night from 4:50 to 5:00 in the morning?
**Hullopsis**: No, because that only affects procrastinators and insomniacs—
**Yellow Face**: [*angry*] Would you please let me finish? [*happy again*] As I was saying, today, brought to you by a technology company somewhere, we are launching to the masses our very first model of the... ***YeFone!!!!***
[*Crowd cheering sound effect.*]
**Yellow Face**: It can do some things. It can do many things. In fact, it can do *everything!* So yeah, for only... [*Aside.*] What's the exchange rate in this country?
**Hullopsis**: Many.
**Yellow Face**: For *not* many, buy now!
**[** **Hullopsis** · **Protractor** **]**: ♫ *YeFone! The phone for ye! The phone that doeth everything!* ♫
**Protractor**: [*behind the camera*] All those ordering from the Fovitwe, please proceed to the Multi-Purpose Room where the YeFones will be distributed.
[*Exeunt* **Protractor**, **Hullopsis** *and* **Yellow Face** *at breakneck speed—they have to give out the phones to everyone who wants them.*]

### **Flat 7: Tennis Ball and Golf Ball**

**Scene**Zoom out from the empty set of the advertising studio (*i.e.*, Yellow Face's house) to the flat of **Tennis Ball** and **Golf Ball**. Their adult kids, **Orpha**, **Colin** and **Theola** are with them.
* **O****r****p****h****a**: YeFones, huh? What do you think, Mom?
* **Golf Ball**: I don't trust this new technology. At least with my inventions, I know they will be used for good, if not for the advancement of scientific knowledge.
* **Co****l****i****n**: Exactly, but I'd like my very own communication machine.
* **Golf Ball**: Are you not comfortable with sharing the old rotary dialer?
* **Co****l****i****n**: The YeFone can do anything; he said so on the TV.
* **Th****e****ol****a**: Come on, Ma, at least try to open your eyes to new things. Look at Dad.

[*Theola points at Tennis Ball, who is calculating something.*]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: [*quietly*] Hmm, if we want five YeFones, we're going to have to pay five times that. [*Aloud.*] Is that enough, dear? Five "not many"?
* **Golf Ball**: Um...
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Golf Ball?
* **Golf Ball**: I have no control.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Sure you do.
* **Golf Ball**: Then why have our children escaped?

[*Tennis Ball looks at the front door: the kids have joined the many contestants and non-contestants forming a long queue in front of the Multi-Purpose building. He looks at Golf Ball.*]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
* **Golf Ball**: Wait... let me get my Mutual Mind Reader.

[*Exit* **Golf Ball** *in one direction and* **Tennis Ball** *in the other, out the front door.*]

* **Golf Ball**: It's good that I keep the MMR in a location nearby so that I can... [*looks up see the apartment empty*] Gosh *darn it!*

[*The intro plays.*]

## Pre–Cake at Stake

### **Outside Flat 10**

**Scene**One by one, the 100+ panpitpots leave the multi-purpose building where the phones are distributed, mostly amazed at the technology that has landed in their possession. Some of them are already opening their packages; others are waiting until they're in their homes to do so. We see **Pencil** and **Match** with their brand new toys, and they're looking quite excited.
* **Ma****tch**: This has got to be, like, the greatest thing in the *world*.
* **P****e****nci****l**: But you haven't even opened it yet.
* **Ma****tch**: You're right!

[*Match paws at the box and throws it on the ground, revealing her new phone. Enter* **Pin**.]

* **P****i****n**: You dropped something.
* **Ma****tch**: And?
* **P****i****n**: Oggh, I'll throw it away for you.
* **Ma****tch**: Thank you, boo!
* **P****i****n**: [*disapprovingly*] Boooo!

[*Exit* **Pin** *with Match's phone box.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: What was that about? Reckon you've hurt her feelings or someth—
* **Ma****tch**: ***OMG!***
* **P****e****nci****l**: What is it?

[*Match waves her YeFone in Pencil's face.*]

* **Ma****tch**: It's *pink!* Just what I wanted!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Match, that's well stereotypical of you. Just 'cos you're a girl doesn't mean you need everything in pink.
* **Ma****tch**: Oh, Penc-penc, I didn't get it in pink because I'm a girl. I got it to remind me of the colour I see every time I, like, wake up in the morning.

[*She points at* **Eraser***, who is comparing YeFone boxes with* **Pen** *in the background.*]

* **Ma****tch**: [*sultry voice*] Piiiink. [*regular voice*] But only when he's not sitting on another, like, bowl, 'cause my bowl isn't big enough. [*crosses her arms*]
* **P****e****nci****l**: I shall never understand what goes on in an open relationship like yours. P'r'aps it's 'cos I spent the '70s in the ocean.
* **Ma****tch**: Like, so did I, bubbe. /j

[*She pats Pencil's eraser and sees* **Bracelety** *and* **Ice Cube***.*]

* **Ma****tch**: Omg, peoples, like, look at my YeFone!

[*Exit* **Match**, *excited. Pencil rolls her eyes. She sees* **Liy** *and* **Winner** *with their devices.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Hi there.
* **Li****y**: Hey.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Has anybody actually tried their phones yet?
* **Winner**: Not that I know of. All I see are people staring at their boxes or their lifeless screens.
* **P****e****nci****l**: I've no clue what people expect when they look at nothing.
* **P****en**: [*to his reflection*] Lookin' good today, eh?

[*Pencil, Winner and Liy look at him, but he doesn't notice.*]

* **Winner**: That's something, alright.
* **P****e****nci****l**: He's adorable.
* **Li****y**: Well, most people here aren't so intelligent with technology.
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*looks at Bottle trying to put her phone inside her*] True that.

[*Fade to black.*]

[*Meanwhile.*]

* **Nic****k****el**: These machines are the *bomb*.
* **Bom****by**: *Aiii-yaiiii-***YOOOO—**
* **Nic****k****el**: Oof, sorry, Bomby! I shouldn't have said that.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: No chiz, Nick.
* **Nic****k****el**: But I'm serious about these things; it's like I've seen them before.

[*Nickel shows everyone his YeFone. Like all the other models, it looks like a MePhone, which (if one recalls correctly) is Nickel's biological father out of the competition.*]

* **N****a****ily**: Hmm... could it be that this is a near–carbon copy of your father?
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Daddy-O, Nickel-O.
* **Nic****k****el**: Oh yeah. [*looks at Balloony and Cloudy*] I keep forgetting.

[*Huc teleportat* **Two** *in front of Flat 10, much to the chagrin of those still waiting in the queue.* **Five** *is on their back, as usual.*]

* **Two**: ♫ *Haaaa-ee-ya-ee-yaaa!* ♫
* **Five**: ♫ *Hoo-wee-yoo-wee-yoo!* ♫
* **[** **Two** · **Five** **]**: Muh-muh-muh-muh-muh-muh-muh-muh—
* **Ag****on****xis**: Um, Two? Five? Could you please go to the back of the line?
* **Va****hep****sis**: Yeah, queue-jumping is totally uncool.
* **Two**: Whatever it's for, we get hosts' priority!
* **Five**: And they said *host*—not *Algebralien*—so you don't get to call us out.
* **Two**: Yeah!

[*Two and Five high-five.*]

* **Golf Ball**: But now we have to move back and wait for you to get your phones!
* **Two**: Oh, is this what this is for? "Puh-hones"?
* **Te****wil****da**: Didn't you see it on the television?
* **Pi****e**: We are waiting for Yellow Face's YeFones.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Or at least the ones he was advertising 33 minutes ago.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: No one knows how much input he had on these machines' production.
* **B****atter****y**: But we suspect that it was negligible. Power to the people!

[*Two and Five try and shoo the crowd off and into their flats.*]

* **Five**: Yeah, yeah, yeah, can we all do this later?

[*Soni exspectati of complaints.*]

* **Two**: Five is right. It is time for Cake at Stake.
* **Five**: Two will sing the Cake at Stake song now!
* **Two**: So I shall.
* **Golf Ball**: But isn't the Cake at Stake theme an instrumental featuring the devil's guitar?
* **Golf Ball Clone**: Yes, isn't it?
* **S****t****e****i****risc****h****e**: [*accordion noises*]
* **Two**: You're right, well, you're right indeed; the Cake at Stake song is not sung during this act. [*Aside.*] That's something I must amend in the future. [*Aloud.*] TV?

[**TV** *steps out of his place in the queue and walks up to Two.*]

* **T****V**: Yes?
* **Two**: Play Cake at Stake.
* **T****V**: Okay.

## Cake at Stake

[*Fade to black as the Cake at Stake theme plays, and fade to black once again as we see the fourth set of auditions.*]

### **Crescentia Tepe**

**Scene****Two** and **Five** have gathered the still-in contestants for Cake at Stake. Of those, the contestants up for elimination (**Price Tag**, **Pen** and **Umtaya**) are seated on the platforms, while the others (**Coiny**, **Golf Ball**, **Pencil**, **Pin**, **Remote**, **Tennis Ball**) are sitting on the Afos. They are joined by non-participants **Clock**, **Eraser**, **Inei**, **Leek**, **Kudasai**, **Match**, **Mjunga**, **Naily**, **Nickel**, **Pie**, **Tree** and **Winner**. Black Hole is not present.
* **Two**: Okay, everyone, it is time for Cake at Stake! If you want to know how many votes we received in this episode, I'll tell you right now! We received...

[*Two sees that everyone (except Five) is all on their phones, not in the sense that they are using them, but that they're trying to get them to work.*]

* **Two**: Pay attention!
* **Ma****tch**: But we've already, like, paid for these YeFones, Two. We can't afford any attention.
* **Kuda****sai**: Not just that, but none of us can turn these things on for the life of us! So sad.
* **Five**: [*Aside, to Two.*] I knew this technology would eventually backfire.
* **Two**: But you didn't know these things existed until about a year ago.
* **Five**: I tend to stretch the truth.
* **Two**: Huuuuhh. [*Aloud.*] Everybody, put down your YeFones or I will destroy them!

[*All gasp and put their phones down.*]

* **Two**: Okay. We got [*number*] votes today. The two of you who received the fewest votes is eliminated and will have to start paying rent to continue contributing to and living in the Fovitwe, just like the Nixefta Interiora and Exteriora or the ex-FC'ers, if you will.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: [*Aside, to Umtaya.*] Anyone who didn't see the last episode won't get any of that.
* **Two**: In this episode, the one who got the most votes is... [*points at Black Hole's spot*] Black Hole!

[*Silence. Quiet cross-talk, as they realize that Black Hole is not there.*]

* **Two**: Where is he?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Come on, all of you notice now? We've been sitting here long enough to realize someone is missing.
* **T****r****e****e**: I was aware; I just didn't say anything. You know how his timetable is.
* **Two**: Well, according to my timetable, it's time for Black Hole to come out here so he can have his cake and eat it too!
* **Five**: And they mean that literally.
* **T****r****e****e**: So what might that cake be?

[*Five brings out the prize of the episode: large balls that produce light.*]

* **Two**: Artificial suns.
* **Ma****tch**: Omg, Liy has one of those! She's from Sweden.
* **P****en**: Land of the blondes, ooh boy.

[*Pencil virtually elbows Pen from where she sits on the Afos. Theoretically he shouldn't feel it, but...*]

* **P****en**: Ow!
* **Two**: [*loudly*] Black Hole! Black Ho-ole! Come out to pla-ay!
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Two, black holes are still not known for their sense of hearing.
* **Two**: Hmm. The show can't go on with a contestant gone, can it, Clock?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Well, according to the—
* **Two**: Okay, I've heard enough.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: I beg your pardon, Two, but it's already happened that a contestant was not present during Cake at Stake.
* **Golf Ball**: Tennis Ball is right. [*indicating Tree with her foot*] I recall that Tree was absent for most of 1985, possibly to indulge in hedonism under the pretext that one of the fruit of his unions was sick.
* **T****r****e****e**: Thank you, Golf Ball, that sounds nothing like me.
* **Two**: In that case, you shouldn't be here, Tree.
* **T****r****e****e**: That was two years ago and my daughter really was in hospital!
* **Two**: No, I mean you shouldn't be here because you're not a contestant.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: That's right, Treeënce. You should not be present for this very private Cake at Stake.

[*Beat.*]

* **Two**: And neither should you.

[*Two flings* **Tree**, **Clock**, **Match** et al. *out of the elimination area and into their flats.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Match, *nooooo!*
* **P****i****n**: How is that possible, Two? We are sitting on a sofa!
* **Two**: Correction: you are sitting on an *Afos*.
* **Five**: A magical Afos. Now can we finally get to the elimination? I'd like at least one person to get their magic artificial sun.
* **Two**: You mean *exactly* one person. Since this is a double elimination, there's only one contestant who is safe.

[*Spotlight.*]

* **Two**: It's either Umtaya, Taggy and Pen. Or, 🅱️en, as I'm told.
* **P****en**: You got it!
* **Two**: And that contestant is... neither Umtaya *nor* Taggy!
* **P****en**: Cool, I'm safe! [*catches his sun*] Good game, gang!
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Bloody oath.
* **U****m****t****a****ya**: Whatever.
* **Two**: So Umtaya and Price Tag are eliminated!

[*The number of votes Price Tag and Umtaya have received appear above them. They look up for a moment and walk off the Tec Pulcussar with much dignity.*]

* **U****m****t****a****ya**: Farewell, everyone.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: This is cheap. But at least I've a clue what to do after this career venture-y thingy.
* **U****m****t****a****ya**: Party for everybody?
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Thought you'd never ask. Let's dance!

[*Exeunt* **Price Tag** *and* **Umtaya**, *dancing joyfully.*]

* **Five**: *Don't forget to pay your rent*—oh, they can't hear me.
* **Two**: They never do.

[*Fade to black.*]

## Post–Cake at Stake

### **Flat 2: Pencil and Pen**

**Scene**After the Cake at Stake dispersion. **Pencil**, **Pen** and **Match** are trying to get their YeFones to turn on. **Eraser** is still trying to get the box open.
* **Eraser**: Ug. Ugh. Ooog.

[*Match looks over.*]

* **Ma****tch**: Need a little help there, Ho-Man the Barbarian?
* **Eraser**: I needed a little help when I ran away to New York. I needed a little help when I had to survive the TLC without getting any good taco. I do not need any help opening a stupid box.
* **Ma****tch**: Oh, shut up.

[*Match takes Eraser's phone box and hits him on his head with it. Ironically, this opens the box and his YeFone falls into his hands.*]

* **Eraser**: Yeaaah! Smash harder, baby!
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*scoffs*] Eraser, that's completely inappropriate!
* **Eraser**: I meant the box, Berry Fall-well.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Whatever. Any luck with your phone, love?
* **P****en**: Um... not yet.
* **Ma****tch**: You know, I heard from Bracelety who heard from Boom Mic who heard from Borpu who heard from Lydia who totally made up that, like... these things are, like, face-activated. They only turn on when you show them what you look like, like.
* **P****en**: I've been staring at it all day and nothing's happened!
* **P****e****nci****l**: You mean you've been staring at your reflection all day.
* **P****en**: Surprised you don't do the same thing, Penc, when you're so good-looking, eh? [*smirks*] Well, guess I'm off to Remote's to see if she can fix this.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Don't get lost in her robotic eyes. [*kisses him*]
* **P****en**: Certainly won't with you round. /j Love you!

[*Exit* **Pen**.]

* **P****e****nci****l**: And he means it!

### **Flat 6: Black Hole**

**Scene**Who is not here right now. **Remote** and **Tree** enter Black Hole's flat, looking around for any signs of him.
* **T****r****e****e**: I don't understand how a black hole can just disappear like that.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: But look.

[*Remote leads Tree to a sitting stool.*]

* **T****r****e****e**: It's a stool. Don't see why Black Hole would want to sit on one of those things.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: There's a letter. [*points at a small index card with cursive writing on it*] I think he wrote this.
* **T****r****e****e**: Why on earth would he feel the need to write a—
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Please stop being negative.

[*Tree zips his lips as Remote reads the note, with a gradual zooming-in effect. This letter is read through the voice of Black Hole.*]

* **R****e****m****ot****e**: "To the first person who found this note, I would like to say that I have loved living here. Working in *The Power of Two* has brought new opportunities to my life that I have never experienced before. However, I regret to inform you that I have moved on and joined the cast of *Object Animacy*, a show where the chances of winning a less morally dubious prize are much greater, and that I will no longer be involved with Two or their business. I would like that you not tell anyone what I have done and toss this note away after reading it. Thank you, and goodbye, Black Hole."
* **T****r****e****e**: Ò!
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: You don't mean to say...
* **T****r****e****e**: Black Hole sold himself out to another show.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: This is big news, and terrible too. I can't believe he would do that to us.
* **T****r****e****e**: [*sigh*] Sometimes you never know with him. Oh, we should probably comply with his wishes and not tell anyone.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Agreed.

[*Enter* **Pen**.]

* **P****en**: Hi, guys, do any of you know how to turn my phone on? Figured you'd all be here, so I thought I'd pop in for a bit.
* **T****r****e****e**: Get out of here, mate, we're busy.
* **P****en**: Aww. [*turning around*]
* **T****r****e****e**: [*sigh*] I mean... Gregg's good at fixing things. When he's not in my English class, he's working on brand new ways to change the world, you know, because he has... had... a *job*. Maybe he can help with your phone problem; we've got bigger issues here.
* **P****en**: Like what?

[*Tree and Remote look at each other.*]

* **R****e****m****ot****e**: He deserves to know.
* **T****r****e****e**: But—
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Tell him, tell him right now.
* **T****r****e****e**: Who are you, one of the Exiters?

### **Flat 7: Tennis Ball and Golf Ball**

**Scene**... and their kids. **Tennis Ball** and **Golf Ball** are at their desk, trying to reverse engineer the YeFone, while their kids are half-watching television and half-trying to get their own phones to work.
* **Th****e****ol****a**: Hey, the season finale of *Meiss ist der Sam* is on tonight.
* **Co****l****i****n**: Great. Want to watch it with us, Mama?
* **Golf Ball**: No, Colin. We are still trying to figure out the contents of this communications machine.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: I don't think we've seen anything of such unique quality before. Aside from the interface behind TV—that's the contestant known as Thomas Vvon-yong Paik—this is completely new technology.
* **O****r****p****h****a**: Dad, we know what phones are. Back in Iowa, Chris Senior bought us one of those new cordless ones.
* **Golf Ball**: And how much did that cost?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Golf Ball, they're well-off compared to us. Anyway, this will take a while, kids, so I'd probably watch TV alone if I were you.
* **O****r****p****h****a**: Okay, then.
* **Co****l****i****n**: More popcorn for us.

[*Suddenly, an image of Yellow Face's asset (that is, the one without his eyes and mouth) appears in the middle of the phone screens of everyone in the room. Everyone reacts to this.*]

* **Co****l****i****n**: Whoa!
* **Th****e****ol****a**: Geez!
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Is that supposed to happen?
* **Golf Ball**: Maybe the phone is saying we all need to go outside.

[**Golf Ball** *walks outside to hear her all the neighbours react in the same way.*]

* **Li****y**: [*from far away*] Whoa, the screen thing just changed!
* **Pherre**: Why am I looking at a picture of a yellow potato?

[*Two can be heard shouting through a megaphone in the middle of the Fovitwe.*]

* **Two**: *Attention, all still-in contestants! Please meet Five and me in the middle of the attraction so I can explain to you the competition!*
* **Golf Ball**: Okay, adult children, it looks like your father and I are going to take a little walk.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Keep the hearth warm, okay?
* **Co****l****i****n**: Sure thing, Dad.

[*Exeunt* **Tennis Ball** *and* **Golf Ball**. *We see from the front door all the other contestants arriving at the centre of the set. Fade to black.*]

## Pre-contest

### **Tec Pulcussar**

**Scene**By now, all of the seven still-in contestants (without Black Hole, that's **Coiny**, **Golf Ball**, **Pen**, **Pencil**, **Pin**, **Remote** and **Tennis Ball**) have gathered at the middle of the set, right by the elimination sculpture. Remote looks around.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Wow. I'm the only non-original contestant here. [*Beat.*] This is awkward.
* **Two**: [*through the megaphone*] *I'm glad you're here! Have we got news for you!*

[*Two sees everyone covering their* *ears**. They turn off the bullhorn*]

* **Two**: Sorry. Have you all got your phones out?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Of course; trying to get them on is practically an obsession these days.
* **Golf Ball**: This may be the first time I say this in my life, but Pencil is right.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Could you please explain why Yellow Face's body asset is on our screens?

[*Soni expectati as everyone shows their screens at Two and Five.*]

* **Two**: Don't blame me (since I know that's what you're all inclined to do). Five has just found a way to "hick" into the YeFone's main system's algorithm frame component part button controller programmator thing to control all the action that you do on your devices!
* **Golf Ball**: Huh. I have always wanted to know what was behind the YeFone's main system's algorithm frame component part butt thing... Two, that is not correct language with respect to machinery and you know it.
* **Two**: [*ignoring her*] In a few moments, I shall fully unlock your YeFones and direct you, yes, all of you, to an "eep" called—
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: *Eep*? Surely you mean *app*, right?
* **Two**: How would you know?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Ever since the days of BFB, Golf Ball's been analysing TV, and he calls his interior programs *apps*.
* **Two**: Weird. But today's contest is a bit different from watching television. As I was saying, in a few moments, you will all be introduced to the first and only app on your phone that you will get to use during this contest. [*Aside.*] As much as I hate rules, that was the doing of Five.
* **Five**: I am also the mechanical expert, so... ♫ *ha-ha!* ♫
* **Two**: The exact challenge is as follows: Make your first post in Indus-Gram. [*Beat, as the contestants look at them, confused.*] You know, as in the Earthly river Indus. Not all technological innovations have to be Japanese!
* **Co****i****ny**: Make a post, huh? That's easy; we nail sticky notes to our fridge all the time!
* **Two**: But hold on, Coiny. That's not what I meant!
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Wait a minute, you *nail* sticky notes to your refrigerator?
* **Co****i****ny**: Yeah, you just get out the old hammer, go ***CLINK! CLINK! CLINK!*** and before you know it, the kids know exactly when to take out the trash. It's mega effective around Easter, even if Pin thinks it's a real pain in the...
* **P****i****n**: Coiny!

[*Pin points at Two, who looks at Coiny with disapproval and what-the-frickery because he's not doing life right.*]

* **Co****i****ny**: Sorry.
* **Two**: [*clears their throat*] As I was saying again, your first contest is to create a post on Indus-Gram and get as many likes as you can, so you can get out of the scoreboard's Danger Zone. [*shows the scoreboard*] For every like you get on your post, you get half a point.

[*Everyone cheers.*]

* **P****i****n**: But what's a *like*?
* **Two**: It's a feature to let others know you, er, *like* what they have posted. Shouldn't be that difficult, considering anybody can press a little button in the app that allows you to do so. You'll know when you see it. Now it's time for the contest to begin, so Five?
* **Five**: Sending all to the app in 25 seconds.
* **Two**: Has anybody any questions?

[*Pen raises his hand.*]

* **P****en**: Ooh, I do!
* **Two**: You don't need to raise your hand to get our attention. You're loud enough as it is.
* **P****en**: Okay, um, Two!
* **Two**: Yes!
* **P****en**: Can we do more than one post?
* **Two**: You can, but be prepared for the consequences of doing so. For one thing, you will only be judged on the number of likes for your very first post, without exception. If you plan on doing more than one post, the post we'll judge you on could get hidden among the others and you'll end up with fewer likes than you wanted. Does that satisfy your question?
* **P****en**: Yes, it does, thank you.
* **Two**: Good. So shall we begin?

[*A loud beeping sound signifies the start of the contest.*]

* **Two**: And there goes the app and your challenge. Go!
* **Five**: Go! [*Beat.*] I wanted to say it with you.

Click **here** to continue to the next part.
## Notes

1. ↑ So to clarify, Ilta has lost the battle against the Algebraliens.
2. ↑ She's supposed to be playing the rôle of the voice from the beginning of BFB 6.
3. ↑ "Participants and non-participants in TPOT".

**Fake TPOT** [V]