Dickshard

Dickshard is a pseudonym for
an ex-school colleague of the Unicorn Warriors. To Raphael, they had both known
each other and had been best friends since early Primary school. Raphael would particularly remember the time that himself and Dickshard had to be separated into
different classes because they were very mischievous with each other.

**History**

During the first few years at
high school, he was the typical pompous fat kid that tried to mix with
different crowds of people. The warriors would try to befriend him but were
often dissuaded by his selfish attitude and self-centered focus of discussion.
His favorite story would usually revolve around him speaking of his childhood
'bullying' which whilst it possibly did occur, but it was grotesquely
exaggerated to make everyone feel sorry for him. Former friends have previously
commented that they remember he was the one often doing the bullying of weaker
individuals which continued into the end of high school, showing his classic
style of hypocrisy.

**Notable moments**

Rap Attack

Dckshard usually thought he
was a 'rap god', idolizing Eminem and believing he was god's next gift to the
music industry despite the fact his style is outdated 20 years by the popular.
Every time somebody would approach him in school (he would approach you mind)
or on the bus home, Dickshard would stare at you and break into a string of rap
verses. No one understood him, no one questioned him. You would simply be
trapped in his vocal grasp, unable to escape or say a word. In sheer
desperation, you did the only thing you could which was to bob your along to
the imaginary beat he had created. Just before you thought he was about to
finish, you would often have nothing to say so would lie and comment that it
was really good, but before you knew it he would break into another full verse
of rap gibberish. The pain would go on for a full 5 minutes on a good day. The
mental torture would only end if he was about to go somewhere immediate or he
got distracted. I myself have even been followed halfway home with him in full
rap-flow before he realises where he is going. Even then he would simply turn
around and walk the other way home... still rapping. You could say goodbye but
it was meet with virtually no reciprocation as he continued rapping into the distance.

Popularity

Throughout school, it was not
uncommon to see Dickshard's completely delusional personality take form. He
often thought he was the cock of the pack in the school. He once stated to
Raphael that if he wasn't making people happy then he may as well not alive.
This statement implied he was 'there for the people', a god of sorts, people
loved and worshiped Dickshard. Raphael believed he should have just killed
himself there and then.

Deathly Warnings

Often enough if you were to
annoy Dickshard, he would threaten you with a tirade of impossible ways of
hurting somebody. This is owed to his fascination with horror films and
violence in music and video games. Such classic liners include:

- "I'll rip your spine
out and smack you with it"

- "I'll rip out your
intestines, wrap them around your neck and strangle you to death"

- "Don't make me come
over there otherwise I'll smack that brown off your face and make you
white"

- "I'll stick my hand
down your throat and pull your testicles up through you, then stuff them in
your eye sockets"

Drama Split-Personality

Drama times would be filled
with absolute hysteria during the pre-warriors years when Raphael, James, Zain
and Ibrahim would collaborate. Often, they would be joined by Dickshard on the
banter wagon, who would thoroughly show his amusement. However as soon as an
associate actress spoke of her disgust, namely Gabby, Dickshard would suddenly
flip on her side. Calling us childish and evading the glare of Mr. Duggan.

Richard you're a fat prick,
acting like a spastic

During an eventful drunk
evening with the Warriors, Ibrahim's strange yet spontaneous younger brother
joined us. He was very much drunk and proceeded to 'out-do' his brother in
every thing not possibly imaginable. This ranged from shouting inappropriate
sexual comments to girls passing by, 'flipping' passing vehicles and stealing
an apple from a corner shop. This accumulated in a phone call to Dickshard
where he proceeded to belt out the phrase 'Dickshard you're a fat prick,
looking like a spastic'. The Warriors erupted into laughter, whilst Ibrahim's
brother continued to unleash a torrent of merciless abuse. This was on a scale
no-one had ever dared to launch upon Dickshard.