Jhon

Jhon Welding 2018

The Fake Jhon

DragonDGAF

DixieNormous

El Dubai

**Jhon Salazar** (born July 16, 1993), known by his stage name **Luis Fonsi**, is a singer, songwriter and actor, best known for his 2017 worldwide hit song "Despacito", featuring Puerto Rican rapper Daddy Yankee, which won a total of four Latin Grammy Awards. Jhon's latest song is "Nuestra Balada".

## Life and Work

Jhon made a good living welding for an unnamed company which allowed him to move out of his parent's basement and finally invest on a bike. He spends his free time buying lures to lose in shallow ponds, as well as criticizing bad weld jobs he sees on Buc-ee's Grills. Commonly heard cursing at his screen and losing lp.

Jhon is allegedly married to Mum.

### Written Works

Under the pseudonym of Karl Marx, Jhon -- AKA: Luis Fonsi -- published a book criticizing the politics and economics of the time. This book was published by a German publishing company during the wake of the second world war and was critically acclaimed, becoming the #4 best selling autobiography on Amazon and being granted the Official Oprah Winfrey Book Club seal. As of 2018 the book was thought to have been extinct but recently a copy was found in the remnants of the library of Alexandria.

## Controversies

#### Pay To Win Fishing

In 2018 Jhon was accused of using pay to win strategies to catch the biggest fish in Houston. The allegations were later disproved, as Jhon himself confirmed to buying the equipment on Wish, an online store for the low-low.

> "*No, they're from Wish dude.*"
> ― Jhon
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### Payday Hacking Fiasco

In 2015, Jhon was arrested for hacking the popular online video game, Payday 2. He was caught hacking millions of virtual dollars in the game, as well as unlocking all his power ups. He then persuaded his friends into also reaping the benefits, effectively getting the accomplices he needed to commit a real life Payday scenario. CriCri, however, decided he wanted no part in it and snitched him out. He was arrested but later freed on bond, which he paid with the money he stole from Payday. He was later seen paying the devs to drop the charges in exchange for music rights to his next song "Quién Como Tú". Jhon mantains his innocence, saying it was not him but instead Kayozz, so this event is sometimes referred to as the Payday Mandela Effect.

### Despacito 2

Jhon has been criticized for his lack of work towards releasing Despacito 2, and is directly blamed for recent disasters -- like 9/11 and Global Warming -- as a result. As of a 2020 update, the novel Coronavirus Pandemic is thought to be a direct result due Jhon's negligence in releasing Despacito 2.

> "*Art doesn't just happen; it's waiting for the right inspiration*"
> ― Jhon "Luis Fonsi" Salazar
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### Domestic Abuse

After a spontaneous visit to Arizona in 2019, it was speculated that Jhon used this time to elope with Mum. After this speculation came to light, many witnesses came forward with allegations about domestic disputes. Including the fact that Jhon seemed adamant about forcing Mum to change her surname to Fonsi instead of keeping her current maiden name: Arias.

Mid way through 2020 it was brought to light that Mum had a scar on the left side of her forehead. When questioned about it she had almost nothing to say but looked nervously to Jhon anytime it was mentioned.

> "*Oh that? I just fell, its nothing! [Nervous Laughter]*"
> ― Mum
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### Payday IRL

In 2020 a group of people decided to play Payday IRL at Jhon's house. They did not use Jhon's own payday hacks however and ended up being caught by the paparazzi camera. With help from the Kayyozz Nation, Jhon was able to set up a sting and recover half of his pride. It's a shame that the people that tried to rob Jhon did not come in through the window as that would have yielded them forgiveness.

> "*Dude, if they climb to the third floor and come in through the window, they deserve whatever they wanna take.*"
> ― Jhonasting
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