Neil's Dark Deals

**Neil's Dark Deals**

Information

Label
Crazy Musings

Owner(s)
Neil's Deals Limited

Star(s)
Crazy Neil

In-Game

Day(s) Available
Day ???: The Lockdown

Impact(s) on game
No Impact

Variant(s)
Neil's Surreal Deals

**Neil's Dark Deals** is a Tape in *Not For Broadcast*.

## Description

Neil's Dark Deals is an advertisement available on Day ??? of Not For Broadcast. It comes in a pink VHS tape with the Neil's Deals Limited logo on it, and is available if Alex Winston picked all Macabre headlines (with a black border) at the start of the broadcast.

The advertisement begins with various clips of Crazy Neil advertisements spliced together, audio altered to give them deeper-sounding voices. They introduce the advertisement as "Crazy Neil's Crazy Pre-Christmas Extra Exciting Festive Yuletide Easter Extravaganza," and the viewers are then greeted by Neil with a similar deepened voice, stating that he's there with another chapter of 'How To Live Your Life.'

Neil claims that people ask how he got started in business, informing that it was gerbils as several images of gerbils surround him. He remarks that a man's gotta eat before stating that common parlance back in the 60's was that geese were a nuisance, a pest, and a menace. As he says "menace", his voice temporarily slows significantly, with an image of a heavily-saturated goose being shown on-screen. His statement is followed by Neil saying that he used to be a goose farmer, images of both geese and a smiling sun residing next to him.

The advertisement then cuts to a clip of Crazy Neil from his Crazy Neil Christmas advertisement, claiming that it is "a rainbow of crazy fun!" Neil returns to a darkened background, warning the viewers that he's having another misty-eyed moment. He tells them that back when he used to own a boat, he married the first Mrs. Crazy Neil, commenting that she was an absolute stunner from the neck down. He continues, claiming that not a lot of people know that she liked to cook for the homeless, his statement being interrupted with a clip of Crazy Neil from his Crazy Neil Winter advertisement, exclaiming "Unreal!" Once Neil returns to view, he states that the first Mrs. Crazy Neil unfortunately wasn't a very good cook, and would chase the homeless down, remarking that they were quite weak due to malnourishment.

An image of a brain inside of a lightbulb is shown as Neil tells the viewers that he thought to himself: "Hey, Neil! You can't swim." A skull underwater can then be seen behind Neil as he continues, claiming that when he was stranded on a desert island, the first Mrs. Crazy Neil didn't make it off, but he acquired a hell of a lot of recipes for pork. Once more, Neil is interrupted by a clip of himself from his Crazy Neil Easter advertisement, telling the viewers to get crazy. As Neil reappears, two racing flags can be seen on opposite ends of him as he states to the viewers that they don't have to use performance-enhancing drugs to be a winner, but if they do, that they should make sure that they don't get caught.

Neil then looks upwards as an image of a heart drawn on a paper is shown, saying that he loves his mother, wherever she is. A clip of Crazy Neil from his Crazy Neil Winter advertisement then appears, repeating to the viewers that if they want it, he's got it. Neil returns on-screen for a final time, mentioning that if Crazy Bob is watching, he still owes Neil. Directing his following statement towards the previously-mentioned Crazy Bob, Neil raises his fist to the camera, exclaiming that "this one" is for him as the Neil's Deals Limited logo appears on-screen.

## Impact

Due to the Lockdown broadcast taking place during a coma, any advert that is played during it will not have an impact on financial status or the story.

## Trivia

* Neil's Dark Deals contains footage of Crazy Neil that was filmed during Episode One, but originally didn't make the cut into the game.

## References

1. ↑ https://clips.twitch.tv/ObedientMuddyGarlicFUNgineer-bZi7beEd2Ct78zcv