S02E03 - A Field of Naked Malfoys

## A Field of Naked Malfoys

Field of Naked Malfoys wallpaper available from their free sh!t section of their site.

## Previous and Next

### Next

S02E04 - Pansy Raid

This episode continues with chapter 3 of "An Honest Mistake" by mctwist, but stops just after Draco throws Hermione into the pool (bathtub really).

At the end of the episode before doing the Wands Up or Down segment, Danny mentions wanting to write a Wands Up or Down song.

## Episode Summary

Hermione is summoned via a magical cloth to the Prefect's Bathroom and Draco treats her to an aural bathing experience.

## Notable Moments

* Hosts discuss the Jimmy Kimmel/Matt Damon rivalry gag (not THAT kind of "slash") and try to kickstart a similar gag with them/J.K. Rowling
* SEX HEX!
* Plughorn has been waiting for years to have sex on him transformed into a desk!
* Allie's Snape impersonation gives Lyndsay shivers...bad shivers.
* "A burning sensation isn't good, but tingling means he's doing it right!" ~ Danny
* Allie imagines Hermione as the Exorcism victim during orgasm/arousal.
* Hosts wonder what is the deal with the black cloth and whether this is the wizarding version of a sex toy/app. Also wonder why she does not realize that she has it on.
* "This is Allie, being Hermione, having an unconsenting orgasm" ~ Lyndsay
* One definite advantage of being a girl is not having to hide a surprise boner.
* "No one wants their boner to be a Hufflepuff" ~ Allie
* 18-25 year old boners are definitely Gryffindor boners: brave, strong, fierce, reckless.
* Allie and Lyndsay point out the unlikelihood of the orgasm description.
* Homework: Carry a tall stack of books and try to have an orgasm while walking down the hall (assigned by Lyndsay)
* It's okay to maintain some privacy in a friendship. Very okay that Hermione doesn't share the details of all her orgasms with Ron and Harry.
* Ron actually has a moment of sweetness in a story for once and Lyndsay is happy.
* Lyndsay hypothesizes that the black cloth is a magical garter or Allie proposes some kind of underpants.
* "That place must freaking glow in the dark" ~ Danny, in reference to the Prefect's bathroom and all the nocturnal activities that seem to happen there, with Plughorn as the bathtub.
* Chalk seems like a poor choice to have around her crotch, but Lyndsay hypothesizes that way her squirting will erase the writing and no one will know.
* Gasping Lyndsay
* Levicorpus reference (though they don't know the proper name)
* Allie remains hopeful that one day they'll be having ceiling sex while on the moon.
* Unfortunately this was not a live recording because Lyndsay comments that Danny's face when Allie used the word "ploughed" was intense.
* Lavender Brown is referred to as a "beast" by Draco in the story and Lyndsay is offended since Allie thinks that is Lyndsay's HP alter-ego.
* Reference to earlier nipple dancing.
* Dubious consent around Draco not letting her move. Lyndsay wonders if this is an elaborate revenge ploy.
	+ "He was out of control, and now she's out of control...sounds like a...'mctwist'" ~ Lyndsay
* Danny is tasked with creating a wallpaper of a field of naked Malfoys.
* "Allie's turning this into the NotErotica Podcast" ~ Danny
* Allie goes on a laughing jag because of FIELD WANG!
* Another laughing jag after Allie manages to make it through one more line of the story. Has to back up and take it at a run.
* Danny theorizes that he only hexed her and immobilized her because he was running late and needed to shower before he came near her because he had B.O.
* Allie lets slip that she contemplates her friends' sex lives more than they would probably want. Also implies some of them are "boring"...unclear whether those friendships are still intact.
* Lyndsay imagines Draco's wang rocking in front of her face and Allie makes a clock sound, "He grandfather clocked her. Classic clock move."
* "I am constantly worried that Blaise Zabini is going to show up." ~ Lyndsay
* "Blaise is in the house!" song

## Wands Up or Down?

Allie: Down

* Not sexy in the least; she can't see him
* Also feared there was going to be a gang bang trap

Lyndsay: Down

* Unclear what his intent was in the bathroom and whether he was going to hurt her. ("Evil isn't sexy, guys")

Danny: Down

* No sexy times