TRP: Goro and Hansel (Glass)

**Lina:**

 [Setting: The castle, early afternoon on day 151.]

Goro had to completely destroy one of his own locks to get
back into his room, but at least he still had all the others. One of the perks
of being paranoid.

Meditation was a trial, since he was still sore and stinging
from the fight, and queasy from the whiskey. Kept his mind from wandering,
though. The only magic he intended to prepare for the day was healing, and it
was easy to focus on the idea of healing when you were in pain.

So many people needed tending to. Goro wasn't even sure who
was and wasn't still hurt. Luci had likely burned through all her magic too,
and he didn't know if she'd had a chance to rest. It might be all on him to
make the rounds, fixing people up.

Was himself and Hansel who'd taken the most hits, he was
pretty sure. So he'd start there. He was fucking nervous about going to
Hansel's room, though. Hansel had probably seen Mishka crying last night. It's
Goro. He said he might want to kill me, and I'm scared of him.

Goddamn. Goro faltered on his way down the stairs. He'd
experienced Hansel's fist hitting his face quite enough times to tide him over
for now, thank you. He was still duty-bound to offer healing, though. Also,
some part of him--maybe an idealistic part he hadn't known he possessed--didn't
think Hansel would actually hit him. Shut him out, maybe. Refuse to speak to
him.

Fuck, fuck. Never mind, he'd take the fist to the face after
all.

He'd worked himself up to feeling dizzy with anxiety again
by the time he arrived. He slipped into the room, arms crossed over his
stomach, and instead of saying hello said, "I can heal you now, if you
need it."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel was drifting on the couch. Luci and Roddy hadn't been
gone long, but it only took him a second to nod off again -- didn't think he'd
been sleeping well, even though he felt like all he'd been doing was sleeping.
Part of him was restless already, tired of being closed up in this room, but
then he had to make it from the bed to the couch, or the other way around, and
felt like he'd fought off an entire fucking pirate crew by himself. Fucking
pathetic, honestly. Just talking to his kids exhausted him.

He knew someone else would be by, after the kids left.
Wasn't sure if they were watching him to make sure he was all right, or to make
sure he stayed -- himself. He hadn't heard any thunder, outside, but he stayed
wary of it when he was awake, kept thinking he heard it as he fell asleep.

Fucking months of night terrors, last time. They still got him,
sometimes, even recently. Nothing that bad yet. He thought maybe he was too
spent for his head to even be able to make them up, and as soon as he felt a
bit better, they'd come back -- the eye that stared down at him from the
clouds, the hum in his skin as lightning lanced up his arms, the crunching
against his knuckles.

Roddy had that spell, the one that could fuck with your
memory. He'd thought about asking the kid to use it on him, but he felt like he
needed to remember this. Use it to fight back, next time. Wasn't sure he could
handle the thought of even someone he trusted fucking with his head, anyway.

He thought he heard thunder, and then a voice jolted him
back. Panic for a second, then he settled -- just Goro. He rubbed at his eyes.
Maybe he could sleep a bit better if Goro would stay with him. "Hey,"
he mumbled. Started to ask Where did you go? but thought better of it.
"No. 'm fine." He didn't think that what was wrong with him now was
anything magic could fix.

**Lina:**

 The good news was he didn't look furious, but the bad news
was he still looked like shit. Goro could see the fucking bruising. Hansel
seemed pretty out of it still, though; might not even notice Goro was healing
him.

Goro approached and took the spot next to him on the couch.
"I'm going to examine you anyway. I'm checking on everybody." If he
put it that way, Hansel couldn't take it personally and couldn't argue. Gently,
Goro cupped Hansel's chin and probed at his neck. Some nasty black and blue
marks there.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel scowled and pulled back, but not much. If Goro was
making rounds, then he'd probably leave once he was done. Hansel had no real
idea what condition the others were in -- hadn't seen Nixie or Larkin at all --
but yeah, of course Goro was fucking busy. Selfish to want him to stay.

"Said I'm fuckin' fine." He half-growled it and
cut his eyes away, but stayed still, tense. If he shoved Goro off, he'd
probably fucking leave. That'd be reasonable. And Hansel didn't want Goro to
worry over him, or waste time on him, but he didn't want him to stop touching
him, either, and leave him alone.(edited)

**Lina:**

 "Oh, fine like I'm fine, right?" Goro smiled at
him. Then he frowned, fingers still on the bruises that trailed down Hansel's
neck and onto his chest, disappearing under his shirt. "This is very
severe. I'm afraid there's only one treatment available." He leaned in and
kissed Hansel's skin softly, beginning at his neck and then tugging his shirt
aside to kiss his collarbone. Figuring that was enough of a distraction to make
the guy fucking relax, he pulled back just far enough to whisper his healing
prayer. Take that, fucker.

**Izzy:**

 Goddammit. Fucking Goro. Hansel closed his eyes and let out
a breath. He wanted to enjoy this -- he wanted to drag Goro in and push him
down on the couch and hold him -- but he was fucking on edge for some reason.
Didn't know why.

He felt Goro's breath against his skin, heard him murmuring
something, and some of the ache alleviated. Tricky little shit. Fuckin' Goro.
Hansel grabbed the back of his robes and pulled him back up to eye level,
amused now. "Don't think I didn't fuckin' notice that."

**Lina:**

 "Just checking to see if you're alert." Goro
patted Hansel's cheek and grinned. Then he turned his face blank and put on his
impersonal healer's voice. "Does it hurt anywhere else?" He probed at
Hansel's abdomen next, checking for irregularities as much as he was watching
and listening for any jerks or gasps of pain.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel tightened and twitched away again, not so much from
pain as some other discomfort that came with it. "Goddammit, Goro, can you
just fucking --." Not leave me alone. Not fuck off. Stay here. Sit down.
Just stop and let me hold you.

"Look," he tried, "heal your goddamn self
then." He touched Goro's face -- gently -- where his knuckles had made
contact before. Both still bruised, Goro's blood dried and flaking off of
Hansel's skin. Made him ill; he pushed it away. "The fuckin' spell you did
after we fought the driders -- healed all of us. Do that."

**Lina:**

 Hah. That'd been what Goro was planning to do, if Hansel
refused more healing. Oh, I'll just heal myself then, and then bam, fuck you
Hansel, you're healed too. But Hansel seemed like the kind of guy who was more
receptive to ideas if he thought he'd come up with them on his own, so Goro
nodded. "Alright, fine."

He took both of Hansel's hands in his own, closed his eyes,
and prayed. Kept it going for a long time, until he was feeling almost back to
normal--still queasy, and there was that lingering shaky, fragile feeling that
followed an injury and which magical healing usually couldn't get rid of, but
besides that, the pain was gone. Hansel had taken a lot more hits than him,
though, so he kept the spell going even beyond that, figuring Hansel could use
it.

Then Goro opened his eyes and studied Hansel's face. Yes,
some of the tension had eased. Fuckin' jackass, acting like he was fine when it
was no damn trouble for Goro to make him feel better. Whatever, it was over and
done with now. Goro put his healer voice back on. "And how's your
appetite? You mentioned feeling nauseous, before."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel tried to force himself into relaxing, but it was
fucking counterproductive. Even the feeling of being healed -- just of magic
being used on him at all -- burned slightly. Some trace of Gruumsh still
clinging to him, maybe, or just himself being fucking revolted by the oddly
warm, should-be-comforting sensation of magic itself slipping through his body.
Should be fine. It made his body feel better, drawing the ache in his gut from
Mishka's rapier out of him, and the dull throb out of his knuckles, and most of
the crunchy, charred feeling out of the skin on his arms. But it left behind
the same sense that he'd been used, somehow, altered without having had any say
in it.

He pushed that away, too, tried to act like a normal fucking
person getting healed by a cleric, a normal fucking person being taken care of
by someone who loved them. Grateful and calm and shit.

Then Goro asked him about food, and he couldn't deal with
it. Hansel shoved him away and pulled back himself. "Fuck off," he
said shortly. "Fucking drop it."

**Lina:**

 Goro scooted to the end of the couch and sighed, resting his
head on his hand. "I'm not gonna make you eat, Hansel, I'm just trying to
keep a fucking eye on you. You been drinking water, at least?"

**Izzy:**

 Goddammit, now Hansel felt guilty about shoving him away. He
knew Goro was trying to fucking help, but -- he fucking wasn't.

"Yeah," he lied, and immediately knew that wasn't
going to land. He sighed. "No." Fuck. "I'll fucking ...
try."

**Lina:**

 He would try. Goro tried not to look too fucking excited.
Calm, detatched. Just a healer, looking after everyone the same. "Hey, I
know something that might help. I can make you a drink that I bet you'll be
able to keep down better than water. No, not just bet, I know. I used to give
it to the sickest people at the abbey, and they'd keep it down when they
couldn't do anything else." He raised his eyebrows, asking for Hansel's
consent. "Might have some myself, too. Still feeling queasy from all the
whiskey."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel narrowed his eyes. "What whiskey."

**Lina:**

 Goro drew his shoulders up to his ears. "I figured
everyone in the castle would've heard by now, if they didn't hear all my
yelling in the middle of the night. Or, I guess that was this morning."

**Izzy:**

 "Well, I've fuckin' been here. I didn't hear
shit." Maybe Gwydion had mentioned something -- Hansel only vaguely
remembered his watch. Roddy and Luci hadn't, though.

**Lina:**

 "Well, anyway, be back in a minute." Goro shoved
himself up and darted for the door.

**Izzy:**

 "Hey." Hansel's hand shot out to catch Goro's
wrist before he could slip off. More quietly, he repeated, "Hey. Sit
down."(edited)

**Lina:**

 "I'm gonna go get us something to drink." He
tugged against Hansel's hold. Fucking futile.

**Izzy:**

 "The fuck you are. Sit down." Probably needed to
fucking elaborate on that or something.

He didn't really want to think about why Goro might've been
drinking. He was here, Hansel kept repeating to himself, like that meant
everything was fine. He'd let Hansel pull him closer, and he'd relaxed against
Hansel's chest, but -- he could've had second thoughts. It didn't fucking add
up, coming in here to heal him, being all goddamn sly and sweet about it, if
he'd been that fucked up about what had happened the day before. But Hansel
just kept fucking expecting him to bolt.

"I mean." He let go of Goro's wrist. "Fine.
Yeah." Wanted to order: Come back. Ground his teeth instead.

**Lina:**

 Goro hesitated. He leaned over, put his hands on Hansel's
shoulders, and kissed his forehead. "I'll be right back. I'll go as fast
as I can." And he left the room.

He returned a few minutes later carrying two mugs, one of
which he passed to Hansel as he sat down. "I don't know if you'll enjoy
the taste of this, but I guarantee you your stomach'll like it better than
straight water. It's the mix of sour and salty, it tricks your head somehow.
Here. Cheers." Goro tapped his mug against Hansel's, then took a drink. He
shivered, but not unpleasantly. "Oof."(edited)

**Izzy:**

 Hansel folded over himself and took deep breaths as soon as
Goro had disappeared out the door. He already felt like he was going to fucking
throw up. Fuck. Goddammit. Maybe he could just slip back to bed while Goro was
gone, pretend to be asleep. That'd mean making it there, though, and when he
lifted his head and looked toward to bedroom door it seemed to get further
away. Plus, then Goro would leave again, and he'd be alone.

Nope. Deep breaths -- seven seconds in, seven seconds out.
He got it under control and leaned back, swallowing, about the time Goro came
back and handed him a mug.

"Sounds fucking disgusting." He stared down at it
like it might bite him.

**Lina:**

 Goro scooted closer, put an arm around him, and kissed his
cheek. "Don't drink it, then. But you will fucking die if you don't drink
something." He took another swig from his own mug.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel made a noncommittal, vaguely disapproving sound.
"Why'd you get into my fuckin' whiskey?"

**Lina:**

 "Was that yours? Does all the whiskey in the castle
belong to you? I guess I didn't really think about it." Goro stared down
at his drink. "Ah. Well. I was upset, and I couldn't sleep, but I needed
to sleep to be able to heal people. So I decided to try drinking a whole bottle
of whiskey. Don't worry; I barely made it halfway. Still plenty left for
you."

**Izzy:**

 Sounded perfectly fucking reasonable. Hansel figured they'd
all been a bit upset about nearly being killed, and shit. Also sounded like he
was leaving something out, and Hansel didn't know if he wanted to pick at it or
not. He could just ... have a nice fucking time, and enjoy the fact that Goro
was here. Not dead. (Fuck.)

He decided to drop it. Push it away for as long as he could,
drown it if he had to. He grimaced and took a drink -- and it was as fucking
revolting as he'd thought it would be, and his guts and jaw both clenched. But
he kept it down, for now. Maybe he could at least keep it down until Goro left
-- he'd gotten pretty fucking good at that, last time, waiting until Jonn had
to leave to room to hurl up whatever the kid had managed to get in him.

Goddammit. Pushed that thought away too. Distracted himself
by slipping his arm around Goro's shoulders and pulling him in to kiss the top
of his head. Good distraction. Didn't hurt as much now, either. He relaxed a
bit.

He offered another noncommittal grunt. "Y'know, I hear
there's this fuckin' magic chime that helps you sleep."

**Lina:**

 "Oh yeah? You know a guy who could hook me up with that
sort of thing?" Goro downed the last of his drink so he could set the mug
on the table and put both his arms around Hansel. "Hey, did Mishka tell
you where I went last night? I asked him to."

Did Mishka tell you I made him cry last night?

That made his heart beat faster. He turned his face to hide
it against Hansel's chest.

**Izzy:**

 "No. Didn't see him. Fell asleep." Hm. Yeah. Bad
fucking feeling about this. He reached to set his almost-full mug on the table,
too, and wrapped both arms around Goro in turn. He didn't like not fucking
knowing things.

**Lina:**

 "Ah. Fuck. I would've--" Come back, but admitting
that fucked up his cover story. "Well. Sorry the message didn't get to you.
I decided to sleep alone since I needed the rest to get my magic back, and you
know I have a harder time sharing a bed. But--not that it mattered last night,
anyway. Couldn't sleep at all." He laughed desperately. "Have you...
seen him at all since last night?"

**Izzy:**

 "No," Hansel said again, slowly. "Why?"

**Lina:**

 Goro started chewing the inside of his cheek, viciously. He
drew blood and jumped a little, startled by the sting. "Uh. I just
wondered if he'd... told you something. I guess I'd better tell you."

**Izzy:**

 "Fucking told me what?"

**Lina:**

 God, he should have savored this more. Well... in fairness
to himself, he had. He loved every fucking second of being in Hansel's arms.

He sat up and pulled away, scooting a few inches toward the
end of the couch. Hurt less if he was the one to do it. "I did... something...
not good."

**Izzy:**

 Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. "Goro, what the fuck. What did
you do?" What the fuck did it have to do with Mishka. Why the fuck was he
pulling away. Hansel wanted to pull him back -- he was upset, Hansel wanted to
tell him it would be okay -- but what the fuck had he done and what the fuck
did it have to do with Mishka and why hadn't Hansel seen his husband yet today.

**Lina:**

 "Well, I... I upset him, because..." What the
fuck. What the fuck had he been thinking? There was no way in hell to make this
sound not horrible. "I told him I was thinking about... whether I'd like
to kill him or not, but I wasn't actually going to kill him, alright, I fucking
wouldn't, I was just... uh..."

**Izzy:**

 "What?"

**Lina:**

 "Because--" Goro held a hand over his eyes,
shielding them. This was somehow the worst bit. "I was mad about... what
he did to you, so I asked him to tell me what happened because I figured I
should get his side of the story, and it was fuckin' reasonable, alright, I'm
not mad anymore, but I guess I scared him, which is fucking--" He laughed,
light and hysterical. "Who could be scared of me, but he is."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel just stared at him for a second. Rigid. He didn't
know how he felt about this. Didn't -- feel anything in this exact moment. Not
reacting.

Then, carefully: "Goro. You told me you would fucking
drop this."

**Lina:**

 "I know." He folded over onto his knees and
covered his face. That's why it was the worst bit. That's why. "But...
god, I couldn't just keep fucking wondering, Hansel. I was... sitting there in
the dungeon with him, and you were out still, and we'd both just had to almost
kill you and... for fuck's sake, I wondered..."

**Izzy:**

 "You wondered what."

**Lina:**

 "Nothing."

**Izzy:**

 "You fucking wondered what, Goro."

**Lina:**

 "I wondered why the fuck--" He sat up again and
took a deep breath. "Why the fuck you're still married to him, and I know
you think that's none of my business but it is, it fucking is if I love you
too, isn't it? But I get it. He told me why, and I get it. I know why you're
fucking married to him." He breathed out and slumped over, crumpling.
"I didn't think I'd scare him."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel grit his teeth. Fuck. Ah, fuck. Fuck, he didn't know
what to fucking -- do here. It wasn't -- he should've just fucking told Goro --
shouldn't've taken him at his word for even a fucking day -- should've talked
to Mishka -- shouldn't've --

He felt like he was going to throw up, again. Fuckin ...
vile concoction Goro'd given to him. He choked it back.

"Okay. Okay. Fucking --." Deep breath. "If
you ever fucking --." Try again. "You can't just fucking --."
No. "Fuck, Goro, what the fuck am I supposed to say about this?"

**Lina:**

 "Well," Goro said slowly, eyes on the floor,
"the two things I thought you might do were to punch me in the face, or
just stop talking to me at all, so I guess you don't have to say
anything."

**Izzy:**

 "I'm not gonna fucking hit you," Hansel snapped.
Probably didn't have any right to be so hasty about it, considering he'd hit
Goro before. Done it pretty goddamn recently. Nearly killed him with it.

He wanted to push himself up, pace around the room, try to
work out how to deal with this, but he knew it'd just tired him out. He just
stood and went straight for the bedroom, instead, paused a second to take a
breath. Grabbed his trident and just held it for a moment, eyes closed. The
grooves in the metal dug into his palm, gave him something to ground himself.
He just needed -- to focus. For a fucking second.

Okay. Okay.

Couldn't take the trident with him. Goro would think
something fucking awful if he did that. He propped it back in the corner,
flexing his hand, and took another moment to breathe. Okay.

He still felt fucking weak, but he supported himself along
the wall as long as he could, then made it back to the sitting room and the few
extra steps to the couch, and dropped down to kneel in front of Goro and jerked
him down into a tight hug. Keep the little motherfucker in place.

"Listen to me. I get it, all right? I understand ...
what you did. And I'm not angry at you. But if you ever fucking threaten
Mishka," he said, and didn't know where to go after that, because he
didn't know what he'd do. He hadn't done a fucking thing to Jonn, and Jonn had
done more than threaten. His hands tightened in the back of Goro's robes.
"Just fucking ... don't make me have to think about it."

**Lina:**

 This was... what? No. This wasn't what was supposed to
happen. Goro pulled away as far as he could, which wasn't far. "Let me go,
please."

**Izzy:**

 He considered just saying no and not offering any other
explanation, but hesitated, and made his hands unfist and pulled away, falling
back and not saying anything, instead.

**Lina:**

 Goro scrambled back, pulling his feet up and crouching on
the cushion. "I don't think you do get it." Goro must've softened the
story, unintentionally. Left out some important detail. He had to make sure
Hansel knew. "I scared him. I made him cry. And... I think he threw up,
too? I fucked him up. You said he might fuck me up but oh, no, you got it
backwards. He said we have to back off, he and I can't... sleep together
anymore, and... you can't hug me, alright! I don't think you get what I
did!"

**Izzy:**

 Hansel was just fucking tired now. He stayed on the floor
and looked up at Goro dully. "Yeah. I heard you." His jaw clenched
again, involuntarily, then relaxed. "Y'know what I did to Jonn when he
hurt Mishka? Fucking nothing. Fucking hugged him too. 'Cause it's fucking ...
fair. I get it."

Tell me where he is, Elitash had said, when Hansel had
finally cracked and sobbed in front of her, full of rage and pain. Said it so
gently. I'll do it for you, if you want. Patted his shoulder. She was old then,
and her back spasmed when she lifted a sword, and there was no fucking chance
in hell she could have taken Mishka, but she loved him, so she offered.

"Mishka fucked me up. And I don't fucking care."
No, he'd told her, fucking broken and pathetic. I don't want that. "And
someone probably -- fucking should. I get it." He paused. "I'll talk
to him later, and it'll ... be fine. I love you. That hasn't changed."

**Lina:**

 Why not, he wanted to demand, but he stopped himself. Hansel
would probably be annoyed. Goro had put him through enough already. "I'm
sorry. For what I did. Again."

He wondered if sorry was the kind of thing that meant less
the more you said it. He was really going to have to try fucking up less, then.

"I love you too." That one didn't mean less the
more he said it. Got easier each time, yeah, but he also felt it more. It added
fuel to the fire. "Last night I cried to two people about how much I love
you. Well, I didn't cry, but kind of." Also, why the fuck had he said
that? Now he was fucking embarrassed.

**Izzy:**

 He scoffed. "Whiskey'll do that to you." He pushed
himself up, and stumbled in place, catching his balance and stopping for a
second -- then turning back towards the bedroom, leaning more heavily on the
wall this time. "All right. Well. I'm gonna go throw up."

There was probably a garbage can in the sitting room, but he
knew where the one in the bedroom was, because he'd already dry-heaved into it
in the middle of the night. He managed to get there in time, at least.

**Lina:**

 God fucking damn it. Now Goro was worried, because if Hansel
couldn't keep any liquids down at all, he really wasn't going to last long.
Goro stayed still on the couch until he heard Hansel puking in the bedroom,
then he spurred himself up, following Hansel in there.

"Will you lay down?" Goro said, once Hansel had
finished throwing up what little he'd drunk, and was just gagging
ineffectually. Goro felt like shit now. He'd healed him as best he could, and
Hansel was still fucked up.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel leaned a shoulder against the wall and closed his
eyes. He wanted to say no and I'm fine and fuck off, but not really.

He fucking hated this. At least last time he'd been out of
his fucking head and delirious, and by the time he'd come back to his senses
enough to remember much, he'd been strong enough to fucking ... feed himself.
He knew Jonn had taken care of him, but he didn't have to remember it. Just the
vague sense of Jonn pushing and pulling at him and breathing hard because he
was too goddamn small for the amount of dead weight Hansel was, even fucking
emaciated.

Yeah, this was fucking worse. He'd rather not be lucid. He'd
rather be smaller and less of a fucking inconvenience.

He dragged himself up into the bed again, lightheaded, and
he knew he was in no fucking place to make demands, but weakly managed,
"No," even as he was, in fact, laying down.

**Lina:**

 Goro clambered onto the bed beside him. "You know what
you need, is someone to fucking cuddle. Any requests? I can go around the
castle looking for someone."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel groaned and reached out to pull Goro in.
"Fuckin' ... shut up," he muttered. He kissed Goro's hair.
"Don't, though."

**Lina:**

 "You want me to keep talking? Are you sure?" He
nestled himself against Hansel and kissed every part he could reach, which was
mostly shoulder and chest.

**Izzy:**

 "Mm." Fuck, he'd missed this. He'd think about
things later -- he was finally fucking comfortable. "Mmhm."

**Lina:**

 "I locked myself out of my room last night, and was too
drunk to get back in. Jammed one of my keys. Even Larkin couldn't help. I had
to use bolt cutters to get it open."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel snorted. "Y'fuckin' idiot."

**Lina:**

 "Hey, I'd like to see you pick my dozen locks after
you've had a bottle, big guy."

**Izzy:**

 "Never claimed to be able to pick a lock on a good
day."

**Lina:**

 "Good, good. There's something else you can keep me
around for. Well, assuming there was a first thing."

December 21, 2018

**Izzy:**

 He scoffed again. "First fuckin' thing was ..."
Hm. He wasn't awake enough for this. He mumbled through it anyway. "First
fuckin' thing was when you fuckin' broke into Mishka's house with me. And you
fuckin' ... saved my idiot kid's life. Several fucking times. And Mishka told
you what I did and you didn't -- fuckin' care. And you helped me save him. You
fucking saved him. And ..." Fuck, he was losing track of this. "I
made you cry. And I thought you'd probably fucking hate that. And you bought
those fucking lockets instead. And I thought ... you were fucking ... brave and
stupid and so fucking smart, and loyal, and fucking beautiful, and fuckin' ...
God, will you fuckin' make me shut up, already, fuck."

**Lina:**

 Goro didn't say anything. His heart felt like bird wings
fluttering in his chest. At last he managed, "Really?"

**Izzy:**

 "Wouldn't fuckin' say it if I didn't mean it."

**Lina:**

 "I guess that's true." He wanted Hansel to say
more, but he didn't want to seem greedy. He kissed Hansel's shoulder a few more
times. "You want to know why I keep you around?"(edited)

**Izzy:**

 "Don't give you a fuckin' choice," Hansel
muttered.

**Lina:**

 Goro smiled as he kept kissing Hansel's shoulder. "You
go on thinking that. I'm pretty sneaky, you know. But I'll tell you,
anyway."

He should have written a list, or something, before he
offered to tell, because now that he was faced with explaining, he was too full
up with emotion to even start. It came in like a rising tide, filling his gut
and his lungs and his throat, and he wasn't sure how to speak let alone form
words in his mind. Hansel. That was all.

His silence sounded bad. Sounded like he was having trouble
coming up with something, like he was mocking him. "Having trouble
narrowing it down," he whispered, sincerely. "It's... just... you
know how there's no bullshit with you? You don't dish it out and you don't take
it, either. But you probably don't know what I mean, not really. I don't mean
just with words. It's the way you live your life. You just... do what needs to
be done, no fucking dilly-dallying. You're there for everyone. You and your
fucking limitless patience and love, and you knowing what people need without
having to ask. I see you do it for Roddy and Nixie and Mishka, and fuckin'
Jonn, and I know it seems like it's there for me too, but god, I'm afraid I'll
be greedy, and gobble up more than my share." Now, he'd just contradicted
himself. Called Hansel's love limitless, then implied there was only a set
amount for himself.

"I wish I could be like that." Still couldn't get
his voice to be much more than a whisper. Eh, it did feel like a secret, after
all. "I wish I could be there for people like you are." He thought of
how he'd driven off Roddy and now Mishka, who kept trying to touch him even
with all his sharp edges. "But I'm not... sturdy enough. You're fucking
solid, and rough; you've got traction. I'm slippery. I always feel like I'll
slip right off you. But I also feel like you won't let me fall."

He felt weirdly lightheaded from the rush of saying that. He
thought it might be the most honest he'd ever been with someone, in a way. Like
he'd just ripped his own heart out of his chest, plopped it down in front of
Hansel, and said Please don't step on it. He didn't think Hansel would.

**Izzy:**

 Fucking embarrassing, what he'd just said -- made him
remember having Mishka and Goro closed up in his quarters on the Sugar Glider,
saying, I can't fucking believe you're going to make me say this in front of
another fucking person. Other person had been Goro, though. Hadn't actually
been that bad. Still, part of him wanted to sleep it off, act like it hadn't
happened, in case it fucking backfired on him. Like it had then, when Mishka
had said no and backed away from him and nearly cried.

He'd act like he was out already. Talking in his sleep. He
did that, sometimes -- even apart from the nightmares. Keep himself aloof, keep
himself from being vulnerable, pretend the words didn't have the meaning they'd
had if Goro ever tried to use them against him.

Fucking dangerous, what he'd just said. Made him feel ill
again, panicky, too awake.

Having trouble narrowing it down, Goro whispered. Sounded
fake. Stupid. Hansel had meant what he'd said -- that Goro stayed around
because Hansel refused to let him go. (Kept coming back, though. Kept pressing
himself against Hansel's chest. Had to be a reason for that -- didn't line up
-- Hansel was too tired to work it out, permanently too tired.)

Half of this was true. Hansel knew that -- that he just did
things without thinking, that he was straightforward because he couldn't lie,
that he was rough and unmovable and it tended to be a problem. He didn't know
why Goro would say this shit like it was a good thing, in this quiet voice like
he was scared to say it (because Hansel was fucking scary even when he tried
not to be, because he hurt people even when he tried not to --)

The other half -- being there for people, knowing what to do
for them. Ripley had said something like that, when they'd talked in that bar,
after Diva -- something about him being good with people. He'd brushed it off,
because he hadn't known what to say to it, and she'd seemed about to leave and
he'd cared more about saying something that'd make her stay. Arguing with her
that she'd said something fucking absurd wouldn't've done that.

And -- he wanted Goro to stay here, now, so he probably
shouldn't argue with him, either. Shouldn't say There's nothing fucking good
about me and I'm sorry you haven't realized that yet. Good at lying after all,
apparently, good at tricking people into thinking he was something he wasn't.
Shouldn't say You don't want to be anything like me. I've seen the ways you're
like me already and I want to help you fix it before it gets worse.

He didn't know what to say at all. Just pretend it hadn't
happened, just --

"You're sturdy," he said lowly, finally.
"You've been there for me. You're a fucking healer, Goro. You've been
there for the entire fucking crew. It's what you do. It's who you are."

**Lina:**

 Goro's first instinct was to say not like you, but honestly,
he got the feeling that what Hansel was saying wasn't what he really meant. No,
he wasn't lying, he did think Goro was there for people--whatever--but he was
fucking trying to distract him, or something.

"That so?" Goro pulled himself up enough so he
could cup Hansel's face. "And why won't you let me heal you without a
fight, then? What makes you so different from everyone else who's hurt? I know
that shit, Hansel, because I do it too. I'm not fucking worth the effort of
healing. I got what was coming to me. Right? Right? You fucking... I love you
so fucking much, you jackass. Take it. Don't fucking fight me. I know how much
that hurts, thinking somebody loves you. And I'm not going to stop. This is one
fight you can't win against me, asshole. I'm not going to stop."

**Izzy:**

 Goddammit. He wouldn't just fucking drop it, would he -- he
wouldn't just fucking stop.

Hansel stared up at him in the half-light for a moment, jaw
tight. He didn't have the fucking energy to fight with Goro over whether or not
Goro was worth it. Some other time Hansel would pin him down and make vague
flirtatious threats about what he'd do to him if he kept talking like that, if
he didn't take care of himself. Some other time he'd say that wasn't what he
fucking meant, that it was just that he could take more hits than the rest of
them, that they all needed help more than he did -- that was what made him fucking
different. That he wouldn't fucking die when he got set on fire, or when he
starved, or when a fucking god took control of him and jolted electric magic
through his body. That he fucking snarled and refused and stood back up again,
and everyone else needed a hand, so he'd fucking knock that hand away from himself
if he had to.

Some other time he'd tell Goro that it didn't hurt, thinking
someone loved him -- that it felt as amazing as it was terrifying, and it
balanced out, and he'd learned to deal with that until the balance tipped when
they got too close. That was what fucking hurt. Being known at all.

This time he shoved Goro away from him, and rolled to turn
his back to him, and pulled in on himself again.

"Fuck off."

**Lina:**

 Goro lay on his back, let out a long sigh, and started
laughing. "You stubborn motherfucker. God. I thought I was bad. I thought
Larkin and Ripley were bad, but no, ohhh, no. Hansel fucking Granger, everyone,
the most stubborn motherfucking asshole to ever walk this green earth. What a
fuckin'--god." He let out one last laugh and dragged himself off the bed,
and left the room.

He went downstairs to the kitchen, muttering and cursing to
himself the whole way. He filled a jug with water, grabbed an empty cup, then
filled his arms with everything else could think of that might help--jar of
honey, a lemon, an apple, a handful of herbs which he shoved into the cup so he
could actually carry it all. Mint, that helped some people. He took a whiff of
the cup and smelled something minty, so good. Ginger was fucking great, but
they didn't have any. Well, he'd fucking walk into town if he had to, if none
of this stuff did the trick.

He carried it all back upstairs and marched into Hansel's
bedroom. Dropped everything off on the side table, dumped the herbs out of the
cup, filled it with water from the jug. He kicked one of the bed posts.
"Wake up."(edited)

**Izzy:**

 Hansel had dragged the sheets around him again, making
another cocoon, covering his head this time. Quiet and dark. Wasn't comfortable
anymore, but it'd do -- it'd be fine. He'd sleep more, and then -- he didn't
fucking care. He'd deal with it later.

Couldn't sleep, now, though, because fucking Goro had
fucking antagonized him into being awake. He had to make himself be still,
focus on it. Wanted to grab his trident, go downstairs, out into the courtyard,
run through some combat drills to wear himself out, but he wouldn't get nearly
that far before he was worn out, and then he'd just be fucking angry at himself
for being so fucking weak.

Goro came back, again. Fucking relentless. Wouldn't leave it
alone. "I told you you to fuck off," he said, without moving, muffled
under the blankets. He had this feeling the little fucker would try to drag
them away, so he clenched his fists in them, holding them in place.(edited)

**Lina:**

 "I did fuck off. I mean, I am fucking off. I just
wanted to tell you that--" His voice broke. Even though he'd fucking told
himself no more crying at all, ever. Fuck, he never used to cry. Diva had
opened some kind of flood gate that he hadn't been able to shut again.

He gestured toward the things on the nightstand, even though
Hansel wasn't looking. He took a few shaking breaths, and his voice came out
strained. "I left you some... some water, and other stuff I thought could
help. Sorry." And he turned and walked out of the room, lowering his chin
and staring wide-eyed at the floor, hoping the air against his eyes would dry
them out.

He'd go... well, do his rounds, he guessed, like he said.
See who else needed healing.

**Izzy:**

 Before Goro made it out of earshot, there was a clattering,
crashing sound from the room behind him.

**Lina:**

 Goro stopped and turned back around, frowning. Slowly,
carefully, he inched back into the bedroom to look.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel had shoved himself back up, halfway out of the bed,
sitting on the side of it. The movement made his head spin but he couldn't be
still. He knew he'd fucked up, he just -- didn't fucking know what to do. Knew
Goro was trying to help, but he just kept fucking pushing and --

He swiped the pitcher, and the cup, and everything off the
side table, smashing it onto the floor, and that didn't fucking help, either,
didn't make him feel better. Just made for glass and ceramic shards on the
floor and a puddle of water. Just a fucking mess that someone was going to have
to clean up, and he couldn't do it himself -- he'd just fucking kick the broken
pieces under the bed and deal with it once he was able to, so no one else had
to fucking manage him and keep fixing the shit he broke.

Fuck. He keeled over, dropping his elbows to his knees,
making tight fists in his own hair. Fuck. Yeah. This was happening now. Goddammit.
He clenched his jaw but couldn't hold in the first sob that tore out of him,
and he did an even worse job of holding in the rest, but he kept fucking trying
-- gasping breaths in through grit-together teeth, eyes screwed closed and not
doing a goddamn thing to keep the tears at bay.

**Lina:**

 Goro gripped the doorframe, staring at the mess on the floor
and listening to Hansel cry.

"Should I," he began, softly. Too softly for
Hansel to hear over his own sobbing, probably. He made himself talk louder.
"Should I get Mishka?"

He didn't know what he'd done wrong. For once. He really,
really didn't.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel reflexively raised the shoulder between himself and
Goro, like he could fucking hide this, somehow, then gave up on it. He tried to
breathe evenly and completely fucking failed.

He shook his head.

**Lina:**

 "Should I get... Luci?"

**Izzy:**

 "No," he choked out, "fucking come here. I'm
sorry I told you to fuck off."

**Lina:**

 Goro approached hesitantly, stepping around the pieces of
shattered ceramic. He stopped just out of arm's reach and faltered, off balance,
not sure whether he was going to step forward or back.

**Izzy:**

 Fuck. He had to say something. Goro hadn't come close enough
for Hansel to pull him in -- which was fair, he deserved that -- but that mean
he had to figure out fucking words and shit.

"I didn't -- want you to leave," he managed. Got a
full breath in, just about. "I'm sorry I --." A second one. Calming
down a bit. "I shouldn't've fucking ... said that. You just kept fucking
-- pushing." His jaw clenched again. No, he had to fucking explain that
more. He didn't make any fucking sense. "I know you're trying to help, you
just have to fucking -- stop. I just wanted you to stay with me, and I didn't
-- fucking know how to say that. I don't fucking know." He pulled his
hands out of his hair and covered his face instead. "You've got other
people to fucking take care of. I was just being fucking selfish and -- trying
to get you to stay without fucking -- taking care of me." He let out a
breath and muttered, "I'm still not making any fucking sense. I'm
sorry."

**Lina:**

 Goro didn't know what to say. The apple Hansel had knocked
off the nightstand was sitting by his foot, and he nudged it. Sort of wanted to
pick it up at hurl it at Hansel's head. Probably wouldn't hurt him. He might
feel a slight tickle. Still, throwing things at your loved ones' heads, whether
it hurt them or not, seemed like a bad habit to get into.

Loved ones. This jackass. Goro had ripped his heart out of
his chest and plopped it down in front of Hansel, and no, Hansel hadn't stepped
on it, but he'd fucking picked it up and glanced it over and just tossed it
aside.

"I wanted to stay with you too," Goro said. He
made fists and his nails cut into his palms. "I thought taking care of you
could be my excuse to do that. But fuck you. I fucking--" He swallowed.
He'd wanted to explain: I poured my fucking heart out and you just ignored it.
Even saying that much out loud seemed like too much, now.

He shouldn't have fucking done that.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel got another breath in and swallowed. He dropped his
hands, but stayed slumped over his knees, not looking at Goro. "I didn't
know you needed an excuse," he said quietly. "You could've just
stayed." He rubbed at his eyes. "I should've just fucking asked you
to. I'm sorry I ..." He gestured at the floor. "I'm sorry I'm being
fucking ungrateful."

And he knew he didn't have any fucking right to, and that he
was fucking pathetic, but he asked, "Will you -- stay now? And we can
talk. I'll -- fucking talk, this time. I'll try. Or --." Deep breath.
"It's fine if you don't fucking want to. It'll be fine."

**Lina:**

 This fuckin' guy. Goro had been riling himself up to just
leave. Walk out, lick his wounds. And then--all Hansel had to do was ask Will
you stay? in that sad voice of his, and Goro had to hold himself back from
lunging over and diving on top of him.

Goro wanted to comfort him. Help him. Say We don't have to
talk if you don't want to. I'll stay with you no matter what.

But Hansel had told him to stop trying to help.

There was a weird feeling Goro got, in some far distant part
of his mind. It was something like, You don't get to treat me this way. It was
the kind of thing he'd overheard other people saying to each other--couple
times people had said it to him, and he laughed it off--but he'd never expected
to feel it on his own behalf. People treated him however they treated him, and
if he didn't like it he told them to fuck off, but never thought of telling
them they didn't get to, or that they shouldn't. He deserved whatever was
thrown at him, didn't he?

Hansel was apologizing, though. He was apologizing a lot. He
was fucking suffering, and Goro wasn't allowed to help him.

He just wanted to fucking scream and walk out. But he didn't
want to leave Hansel when Hansel was asking him to stay. He didn't know what
the fuck to say or do, since everything he'd tried before had been the wrong
thing, apparently.

So he didn't do anything, except what Hansel literally asked
him to. He just stood where he was, and kept his mouth shut.

**Izzy:**

 Goro didn't move. Hansel rolled his knuckles, and was quiet,
because he didn't know what that meant. It was still hard to breathe.

He wanted to say, Neye, stay with me, please, I'll do
anything, but it wasn't like Goro was asking for anything fucking dramatic or
unreasonable. Just for him to fucking say what he meant. Goro fucking thought
he did that already, seemed like. No wonder he'd fucked this up.

God, and he'd been worried about Mishka fucking Goro up --
but Goro had upset Mishka, and he'd fucked things up with Goro himself. Good
job, commander. Great fucking job.

He wanted to say, You should just fucking go. That'd be
better. Just fucking ... forget what he'd said, what they'd both said. Act like
strangers. Actually fuck off, like he kept telling other people to do, like
he'd fucked off from his parents and little brother, like he'd always fucked
off from Jonn and Luci instead of ever taking any responsibility for what he
was doing to them.

You're there for everyone. You and your fucking limitless
patience and love, Goro had just fucking said, and Hansel had just fucking had
to prove him wrong as soon as goddamn possible. He gave a hollow laugh. I wish
I could be there for people like you are. Fucking insane.

"Why the fuck did you ..." he started. Sounded
accusatory. "The fucking ... things you said about me aren't fucking true.
I hope you can fucking tell that, now."

He swallowed. This was sounding familiar. He was just on the
other side of it, now.

"Fuck. Ah. Fuck." He propped his face up in his
hands again. "Okay. Yeah. All right, I see what I'm doing now." He
rubbed at his eyes. God, what an idiot. "I'll fucking -- do better. I'm
sorry I -- fucked this up. I'll do better if you -- I'll do better whether you
want to stay or not."

**Lina:**

 Goro lowered his head. He was still making fists, and his
hands were cramping, but he couldn't relax them. "I had a...
thought." Almost. Half-formed. "That maybe it wasn't right for me
to... tell you what I love about you. Because, if I started listing things, you
might be afraid I wouldn't love you anymore if you stopped doing them. That's
what... that's what I would think. If it were me." He couldn't focus
clearly. He nudged at the apple again with his foot. "But you should know
the first thing I thought wasn't a list of shit you do. It was just you."
A heavy breath, in and out. "So, go ahead and tell me I'm wrong, I guess.
You'll still be you, and that's who I love."

And was that going to fucking help the situation? Probably
not. Maybe Hansel'd tell him to fuck off again. Fine, then he could leave, and
lick his wounds as planned.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel dragged his hands down his face and finally turned
his head to look at Goro. "Fuck, Goro, that's not any better. But I'm not
-- fucking --." He struggled with it. "I don't think you'd --."
He was just going to say the same fucking shit Goro had said -- I don't know
who think you love, but it's not me -- goddammit.

He pushed himself up and kicked through the shards to grab
Goro in a hug. He could worm away if he wanted to, and Hansel would let him,
but he was going to say this first. "All right, I'm gonna -- fucking --
just pretend like you're right about me. And I won't fight you over it, and
I'll -- say thank you and shit. And I'll fuckin' -- try to not tell you to fuck
off when I don't want you to fuck off. Okay?"

**Lina:**

 Goro hugged him back, as tight as he could like usual, but
he didn't say anything. He felt raw inside, ripped to shreds. He felt like his
goddamn mouth couldn't do anything but get him in trouble. If Hansel wanted to
hug him, then he'd just fucking hug him back.

**Izzy:**

 Okay. Good. Not -- good enough, but good. He rested his chin
on Goro's head, but it felt stilted. Not comfortable, not okay. "Hey. This
is the part where you fuckin' ... say something back. Tell me if you're
okay."

**Lina:**

 "Sure fuckin' ain't."

**Izzy:**

 "Okay. Okay, tell me ... what to do."

**Lina:**

 "Fucking nothing. There's nothing you can do. Nothing
helps. Everything I do hurts." He came out yelling with that last part, if
muffled by being wrapped up in Hansel's arms. He squirmed free and took a step
back. "And you were wrong, by the way. About you and me. When you said...
I don't actually remember what you said said. I only remember what I said,
about getting in too deep and looking like a fool."

**Izzy:**

 "I -- all right, well I don't fucking remember what I
said either, but it was probably fuckin' stupid, and who fucking cares?"
Shit. He didn't know what to do about this, either, so he just stepped closer
again, and felt glass bite into his foot and ignored it, putting a hand out to
rest his weight against the wall. "If you think you're in too fucking
deep, then I am too, all right, so I guess we both look like fuckin' idiots.

"And you didn't --." He had to stop and growl in
frustration that was entirely at himself. "You're not hurting me, I'm just
-- already fucked up, and -- you didn't fucking do anything wrong, Goro."

**Lina:**

 "Yeah, I know I fucking didn't. This time. Who would've
thought? I am the bigger idiot, though. You think we're in equally deep, huh?
Bullshit. You're holding something back. I don't know what it is, but I can
fucking sense it. This--this--" He waved his hand at the mess on the
floor, the bed, Hansel. "Shit gets real and you shut me out. There's a
part of you that you don't want me to see. But you've seen every part of me,
Hansel. I've let you have it all. There's parts of me you get that I've never
shown to anyone else in my life. 'Cause I didn't get the fucking message that
we were only going halfway. So..."

He blew his tongue between his lips and gestured up and down
at himself. "Here I fucking am, the whole goddamn thing. While you're
still holding back. Oh, you don't have to show me the rest of you. I get it, I
do. I'm not even being sarcastic this once; you keep that shit locked up safe
if that's what you need to do. I just wish I'd fucking known, before I went
around looking like an idiot who can't--fucking--stop--" he stabbed his
finger into Hansel's chest-- "giving everything to you."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel didn't think.

He snarled, "All right, fine, you fucking want all of
it?" and stepped forward again, shoving Goro back. "You fucking want
this part? What, you fucking want me to throw shit at you? You want the fucking
part where I cry about my fucking parents, and how I've fucking killed everyone
who's cared about me, and sit there and know you can't fucking do anything
about it? You want the fucking part where I can't fucking talk to you at all?
Because it didn't seem like you could fucking handle that part before. That's
part of the fucking package, Goro, I'm not doing it outta goddamn spite -- you
fucking want all of it?"

Hansel grabbed the front of his robes to jerk him back in,
lowering his voice. "All right. How about this fucking part. How about the
part where last time you pushed me I thought about snapping your goddamn neck
in vivid fucking detail. How about the part where I punched you in the fucking
face, you remember that part? D'you fucking like that part?" His jaw
clenched and he let go. "I'm trying to fucking -- keep you away from the
shit that I fucking hate about myself so you don't fucking hate me too, you
fucking --."

You fucking idiot, you stupid piece of shit, you
motherfucker --

He exhaled, and thought again.

"Fuck you. I'm holding back because I fucking love you,
and don't want to fucking lose you."

**Lina:**

 Goro stood still and gaped, breathing heavy. Then one side
of his mouth inched up. "Wow. Fuckin' wow. I mean, god damn." He
laughed. Fucking adrenaline rush had him feeling great.

There wasn't really anything to say.

No god, yes, this is exactly what I wanted.

No if you love the ugly parts of me, why can't I love the
ugly parts of you?

No it's what you do and not what you think that matters,
dumbass, but frankly there's no man or woman alive who's met me and not fantasized
about snapping my neck.

Hansel didn't fucking believe him about this kind of shit,
anyway.

Goro sank down so he was crouched by Hansel's foot. He
latched his arms around Hansel's leg. Held on as tight as he would if he were
hanging from a pole fifty feet off the ground. "Alright, well, good
fucking luck losing me now. I'm just gonna hang on right here. You gonna kick
me off? Try it." He grinned up at him.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel stared down at him and didn't move. What the -- the
fuck did that mean. He felt like he was losing his fucking mind. He tried to be
gentle and sweet and ask Goro what he needed and it got him fucking yelled at;
he shoved him around and talked about hurting him and Goro fucking ... laughed
about it and latched onto him.

Mishka had said something about him taking a blow to the
head, in the fight. Asked him if he was all still there. Hansel fucking
questioned it himself for the first time.

"The fuck is wrong with you?" he asked faintly,
and slumped against the wall. He was fucking lightheaded. Remembered that he'd
stepped in glass. That probably wasn't it, though, so much as the fact that
he'd apparently gone fucking insane.

**Lina:**

 "Oh, I have a very grave illness," he said just as
faintly, rubbing his cheek against Hansel's leg. He'd have rather been rubbing
it against Hansel's face or shoulder or something, but Hansel was still a
little on edge, and Goro didn't want to go somewhere he wasn't welcome. "I
diagnosed myself. I'm fucking in love."

**Izzy:**

 Ah. Right. Now Hansel got it. He'd fucking hit Goro too hard
at some point -- or fucking Gruumsh had, or whatever -- and he was the one with
the fucking head trauma. Yeah. That made a bit more sense. Or it was both,
maybe. Fucking plausible as anything. Someone should just take them both back
down to the dungeon and lock them up. Larkin would probably do that. Shit,
Hansel wasn't going to put up a fight.

He didn't have any fucking idea what to do, so he just
fucking ... patted Goro's head.

**Lina:**

 Goro reached up and grabbed for Hansel's hand. He squeezed
it and tugged, waiting to see if Hansel would pull him up, or maybe come down
beside him.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel kept staring at him, at a loss. "All right,
well, get -- get off the fucking floor, I guess." He pulled on Goro's hand
to see if he would. Wasn't sure he had the strength to manhandle him, just now,
but he didn't have any fucking plans to join him in the fucking puddle of water
and scattering of sharp objects.

**Lina:**

 "You sure?" Goro rose to his feet, put his arms
around Hansel's shoulders, and looked him in the eye. "I can stay hanging
on down there, if you're afraid you'll lose me up here."

**Izzy:**

 "Listen, y'know," Hansel said, on the off-chance
they weren't both just fucking crazy, arms staying limp at his sides. "Usually
I like when you fucking do weird shit, but I don't have -- any fucking idea
what's going on right now."

**Lina:**

 "You're scared I'm going to hate you and you're going
to lose me. I'm scared you're going to hate me and I'll lose you. So let's just
fucking not, alright?" He frowned. "Is this weird? What's weird about
it?"

**Izzy:**

 "But I fucking ..." He trailed off. What was he
going to say -- but I fucking shoved you, but I shut you out, but I threatened
you, but I told you -- ? Goro had fucking been here for the entire thing.
Didn't have to remind him of it. And he was still here, anyway, and -- back to
holding onto him. Goddamn lunatic.

"I don't know. Maybe it's fucking not. I don't fucking
know." He wrapped his arms around Goro's back and pulled him in abruptly,
because he understood that, at least, and hung his head over Goro's shoulder.
"Why the fuck would I hate you?"

**Lina:**

 "Why the fuck would I hate you?"

**Izzy:**

 "I just fucking talked about snapping your fucking
neck. What's your goddamn excuse?"

**Lina:**

 "I mean, who hasn't talked about snapping my neck from
time to time. That's my excuse. I'm the kind of guy whose neck you want to
snap."

**Izzy:**

 "No you're fucking not," Hansel insisted, despite
the thing he had literally just fucking said.

**Lina:**

 "Hmm, sounds like you lack conviction. There goes your
reason for me hating you. What now, Granger?" Goro kissed his chin.

**Izzy:**

 "Fuck off," he said, also lacking conviction.
"I mean, don't, though."

**Lina:**

 "Hey," Goro said. "C'mere." He laced his
fingers behind Hansel's head and rose up on his toes to kiss him.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel gave up. He was fucking lost, and -- that was fine,
maybe. He realized he wasn't going to fucking win this argument, and that was,
also, maybe fine.

He gave in, and leaned into Goro, shifting his weight from
the wall to Goro's shoulders -- not too quickly, and not all of it, because he
knew he was fucking heavy, but -- some. Enough to test out how it felt, and it
didn't feel ... bad. Tentative, was all. He pulled back just enough to take a
breath and sighed against Goro's lips, eyes closed.

Ah, he thought. I get it. I'm in love with him.

It didn't fucking terrify him this time, and he didn't find
himself wishing an enemy pirate captain had killed him before he could realize
it. Wondered if he should say something. Or if he even had to. You should know
the first thing I thought wasn't a list of shit you do, Goro'd said, It was
just you. No, he was going to say something, though, just -- maybe right now
wasn't the right time. Or it was? Fuck, he didn't know. It'd been so easy to
tell Goro he loved him in the first place. Hadn't even had to think about it.

He pushed Goro gently towards the bed. He'd just -- give
himself another second to think about it. He was sure it was going to come out
soon enough anyway. Couldn't seem to keep his goddamn mouth shut around the
little shit.

**Lina:**

 Goro stepped backward, pulling Hansel along with him,
smiling. Hansel was right, maybe, this was weird; they'd been yelling at each
other just a minute ago, and now... or, you know, maybe it wasn't fucking weird
at all, for the two of them. They were just like this. Fucking outrageous, the
pair of them.

Goro dropped onto the bed and when Hansel climbed on beside
him, Goro put a hand on his chest, holding him a few inches away. He needed to
say something, because the memory of Hansel slumped over, stammering out
apologies and asking Goro to stay, still fucking wrenched his heart.

"Hey. Listen." His voice was hushed again. Maybe
to balance out the yelling. "When I said I needed an excuse. What I meant
was, I'm too fucking greedy. I feel like I'm stealing you from everyone else,
or like you'll get sick of me before long. All I want to do is be with you. The
only reason I leave is because I think you don't want me there. Or I guess
because I have to take a piss, or whatever the fuck. God, Hansel. If you want
me around, just say so. Say it, and I'm there." He slid his hand from
Hansel's chest up to the back of his neck. "Fucking listen to me. Look
what you're making me say. I sound like a fuckin' sod."

December 22, 2018

**Izzy:** at 8:08 AM

Hansel didn't ask why, or question whether Goro was fucking
stupid or fucking insane, because none of that had seemed to make much
difference, anyway. He'd have to think about this more later -- about how he'd
seen Goro throw himself into combat, and how Goro clung to the Leech, and the
sick-sweet way he'd asked Mishka the command word for the suicide necklace --
about the way he threw himself at Hansel, and clung to him, and his voice when
he said, I diagnosed myself, I'm fucking in love a day after Hansel had almost
killed him, five seconds after Hansel had shoved him around.

He guessed he'd just fucking have to do better.

He pushed past Goro's hands to get closer to him, to slip an
arm around his waist and draw him into another kiss. "Steal me, then,
chatichi," he murmured, barely breaking away. "I always fucking want
you around." He kissed a line from Goro's lips, down his chin, down his
throat, to his collar bone, and started fumbling with his belt because his
robes were in the goddamn way. "I'm fucking in love with you."

And he thought about saying, You know how many other people
I've said that to? One. Fucking one. You know how special you are? but he
didn't think the number was any higher for Goro, so he didn't say anything
else, and just breathed in the smoke and sweat of his skin, and tried to get
closer to him.

**Lina:** at 12:18 PM

When Hansel said those things, Goro just went limp in his
arms, smiling wide and lazy. He started to lift his hands to help Hansel with
removing his clothes, but he couldn't even manage that much. Every muscle in
his body, it was like they'd spent a lifetime tense and working, even when he
slept, but all of a sudden they went oh, alright and just decided to quit. And
he was fine with it.

Everything I do hurts, he'd said, but not this; this felt
like drowning in pleasure. It was the opposite of feeling pain, and he wasn't
sure he'd ever registered that such a thing existed. He'd thought there was
hurting and not hurting, but it turned out there was also this.

At some point his body awoke again, and without thinking
about it he did the easiest thing in the world, which was to put his arms
around Hansel and keep kissing him back.

**Lina:** at 3:18 PM

[end]

**Izzy:** at 5:26 PM

Title: Glass. Summary: Goro goes to check on Hansel, healing
him and generally being very sweet. Unfortunately, people being nice to Hansel
gives him a panic attack, and after he breaks down for a little bit, they
reconcile and talk it out and say that they're in love with each other.