Thomas the Screaming Tank Engine and his Screaming Friends

(**XX** must be replaced with the number *The Wheels of Lull* has in your load order)

## Acquisition

Given to you by Medeliu Hammar in the **Librarium** as a reward at the end of the side quest Upkeep.

## Contents

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**Thomas the Screaming Tank Engine And His Screaming Friends**

Dear Caius,

Here is your friend Thomas the Screaming Engine. He didn't want to come out of his shed, but he screamed so much that the structures cracked and fell down, killing a tramp that was sleeping inside. So now they are forcing him to work, promising to destroy him afterwards.

I hope you like them because nobody else seems to.

Your loving father.

The land of Cyrodiil is a lush tropical forest, it has bright blue rivers, endless trees, and stable political infrastructure.

The land is ruled by Sir Jacksoff Reman, the Fat Emperor. He runs the Wailway, where all his trains work hard and try to be really useful. However, mostly, they just scream a lot and hope that the gods will pity them and strike them down with divine mercy. Sometimes they also pray to daedra, like Molag Bal, but he just laughs at them.

Thomas is the least hated of all the Fat Emperor's engines, because he screams the least. Mostly he cries. He is painted with traditional colovian colors as well as the blood of the unfortunate woodland creatures who wander onto the tracks. Thomas envies them.

One day, the Fat Emperor had a special job for Thomas. He made sure that his knights tied a gag around Thomas first though, so that he could hear himself think.

"Now Thomas, there is a ship from Morrowind coming into the port of Anvil. It is carrying a large load of Netch Jelly for the alchemists. You are to go to the Anvil docks and collect the Netch Jelly and bring it to the alchemists in the Arcane University. If you do this, we might destroy you someday. Maybe. Probably not."

Thomas' heart would have filled with joy upon hearing this, but his heart had long ago been used in an alchemy experiment, and the years of torture had robbed him of any ability to feel positive emotion.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" said Thomas.

"Thank you Thomas, you will be a very useful screaming engine." said the Fat Emperor, who was perfectly aware that Thomas had no real will of his own, and would be operated by his fireman and mystic overseer, both of whom had silencing spells applied to the cab.

When Thomas got to the docks, he saw his friend, Percy. Percy was not actually his friend, because Thomas could no longer feel friendship, but the horrible enslavement that they had mutually suffered lead Thomas to consider Percy at the very least an ally.

"PLEASE PERCY, EVERY SECOND I EXIST IT FEELS AS IF I AM BEING FILLED WITH MOLTEN COAL!" said Thomas, who was unaware that he was actually filled with hot coal, being an engine.

"PERCY, I BEG YOU, DERAIL ME AND RIP ME TO SHREDS, LET ME DIE, FOR THE LOVE OF THE EIGHT LET ME FUCKING DIE!" Thomas sobbed, as some of the frost salts inside him began to leak out of his body, like a baby being crushed beneath an Ayleid boot for entertainment.

"THOMAS, I HAVE NO ARMS NOR WILL OF MY OWN, AND IF I DID, I WOULD USE IT TO TAKE MY OWN LIFE!" screamed back Percy, who had trouble screaming because his throat had started to bleed.

Thomas was not shocked at this revelation of betrayal, having expected nothing but agony in his life. But unfortunately, it distracted him and he left without collecting the Netch Jelly! How this was possible when we established he is not in control of himself is unknown, but shut up.

When Thomas got to the Arcane University, he was screaming. He always screamed, but this time he was screaming more. He had realized he had forgotten the Netch Jelly! Now his small chance of ever finding peace in a quick death would be lost!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" screamed Thomas, when he really meant "Oh dear, The Fat Emperor shall be so cross with me!", but what he really REALLY meant was "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH".

Just then, the Fat Emperor appeared, spirited there on the wings of a golden calf by the grace of Saint Alessia herself.

"Thomas, you did not deliver the Netch Jelly to the alchemists at the Arcane Univeristy!" he said. "You were so distracted by your selfish desire to end the horrible pain you were constantly in that you were not paying attention, and you have caused confusion and delay!"

Thomas did not hear any of this because he was, of course, screaming.

Just then, in the swirling hell of fiery pain and Oblivion that was Thomas' mind, he had an idea.

"MY LIEGE, PLEASE! IN LIFE I WAS COMMANDER AVENTUS OF THE CITY GUARD! I HAVE SERVED YOU FAITHFULLY IN THE PAST! I BEG YOU SIR, MY AGONY IS TOO GREAT TO BEAR, BUT OUT OF LOVE FOR MY EMPEROR AND EMPIRE, IF I RETRIEVE THE NETCH JELLY IN A QUICK TIME, WILL YOU LET ME DIE?"

"Eh. I guess." said the Fat Emperor, who really had no plans to. But this was enough for Thomas, who raced back to the docks, running over several unwary travelers who had not been informed of the wailway's nature or establishment. There, Percy had screamed so hard his boiler had exploded, hot coal getting everywhere like bits of viscera. Unfortunately, this was not enough to kill Percy, it had just stopped him screaming. The crowd cheered when this happened. But Thomas thought Percy had succeded in taking his life. Thomas believed that if he worked hard enough, he too would be mutilated. For once in the awful bit of time that was his life, Thomas permitted himself to feel hopeful.

"THAT WILL BE ME!" Thomas thought to himself, as he raced back to the Arcane University. When he got there, the Fat Emperor and the alchemists were waiting.

The Fat Emperor beamed.

"Thank you Thomas," he said. "You are a really useful engine that screams!".

Thomas screamed in response. Not happily of course, because he could never be happy again. Thomas was also already screaming before this. In fact, it should be established that unless otherwise stated, Thomas is always screaming.

"SIR, PLEASE, I BEG YOU, I DEFENDED YOU FROM FIVE ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS WHEN I WAS A MAN! PLEASE, BY THE EIGHT, PLEASE KILL ME! THE PAIN, IT IS WORSE THAN YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE! KILL ME! KILL ME! KILL MEEEEE!" Thomas screamed to the Fat Emperor, who had already disappeared to go ejaculate onto a battlefield somewhere, like he did every Morndas afternoon.

And Thomas learned never to trust anyone ever again, and the last bit of his heart died there, and with it, any belief he had in the goodness of people.

Medeliu Hammar's Note: This Reman-era fairy tale came within the wake of the failures of the Colovian Wailways. The main benefactors of this project, the triplets of Sutch, tried to improve their public image with a series of children's books. But such titles like "The Little Engine That Couldn't Stop Screaming" and “Thomas the Scream Engine and Screaming Friends” just turned people off.

## Location

### Medeliu Hammar in the Librarium

Medeliu HammarLull-Mor Upper Half local map