FOOK

FOOK is a player created character portrayed by Joey Emerald.

## Character Information

### Relatives

FOOKOFF: FOOK's Father FOOKUP: FOOK's Mother FOOKINELL: FOOK's Brother FOOKSAKE: FOOK's Brother That Died In Space FOOKME: FOOK's Twin Sister FOOKMESIDEWAYS: FOOK's Twin Sister's Baby Son MANVSFOOK: FOOK's alter ego where he goes round eating delicious but very large meals across the country FOOKOUTOFHERE: FOOK's cousin, a Roy Walker impersonator

## Physical Description

### Eye Colour

Sweeter than a summer breeze, which FOOK loves.

### Hair Colour

Depends on FOOKs mood, he loves shopping for dye in Boots

## Show Bio:

FOOK is a Goliath, whilst most Goliaths are around 8 feet tall, FOOK is 12 feet tall and is deemed the most intelligent of his race. He once destroyed a Lidl by flexing. He has a cousin who is a Roy Walker impersonator. He doesn't respect horses. FOOK has a surprisingly large Twitter following.

**Pro**: FOOK is very affectionate

**Con**: FOOK is very stubborn and will often do the opposite of a roll result.

## FOOK's Lesser Good Adventures

### FOOK and The Argonauts

Pelias usurps the throne of Thessaly, killing King FOOKOFF. A prophecy states that one of FOOKOFF's children will avenge him. The infant FOOK, FOOKOFF's son, is spirited away by one of FOOKOFF' soldiers. Pelias slays one of FOOKOFF's daughters after she seeks sanctuary in the temple of the goddess Hera. Because the murder has profaned her temple, Hera becomes FOOK's protector. She warns Pelias to beware of "a one-sandaled man".

Twenty years later, FOOK saves Pelias from drowning in a river, an "accident" orchestrated by Hera, losing his sandal in the process. Pelias recognizes his enemy. FOOK intends to seek the legendary Golden Fleece to rally support against Pelias. The king encourages FOOK in the attempt, hoping him to die on the mission.

Hermes takes FOOK to Mount Olympus to speak with Zeus and Hera. Zeus decrees that Hera can help him only five times. This is the same number of times that FOOK's murdered Goliath called on her for protection. She directs him to search for the Fleece in the land of Colchis. Zeus offers aid, but FOOK declines.

He sets out to build a ship and recruit a crew. Men from all over Greece compete for the honor of joining his quest. Because their ship is named the *Argo* after its builder, Argus, the crew are dubbed the Argonauts. Among them are Hercules, Hylas, and Acastus, who was secretly sent by his father Pelias to sabotage the voyage.

Hera guides FOOK to the Isle of Bronze, warning him to take nothing but provisions. However, Hercules steals a brooch pin the size of a javelin from a building filled with treasure and surmounted by a gigantic bronze statue of Talos. The statue comes to life and attacks the Argonauts. FOOK again turns to Hera, who tells him to open a large plug on Talos's heel to release the giant's ichor. Talos falls to the ground, crushing Hylas and hiding his body. Hercules refuses to leave until he ascertains the fate of his friend. The other Argonauts are unwilling to abandon Hercules, so FOOK calls upon Hera again. She informs them that Hylas died and that Zeus has other plans for Hercules.
FOOK battles the Hydra.
She directs FOOK to seek out Phineus, who has been blinded and is tormented by harpies for misusing Zeus's gift of prophesy. After the Argonauts capture and cage the harpies, Phineus tells them how to reach Colchis, by sailing between the Clashing Rocks. He also gives FOOK an amulet of the sea god Triton. The Argonauts see another ship trying to pass through the other way, only to be crushed and sunk when the Clashing Rocks smash together. When the *Argo* tries to row through, the ship appears doomed as well. In despair, FOOK throws Phineus's amulet into the water, whereupon Triton rises up and holds the rocks apart long enough for the *Argo* to pass. Upon clearing the rocks, the Argonauts rescue several survivors from the other ship, including Medea, high priestess of Colchis.

Finally nearing Colchis, Acastus challenges FOOK's authority and engages him in a duel. Disarmed, Acastus jumps into the sea and disappears. FOOK and his men land and accept an invitation from King Aeëtes to a feast. Unknown to them, Acastus has warned Aeëtes of FOOK's quest for the Golden Fleece. Aeëtes has the unwary Argonauts imprisoned, but Medea, having fallen in love with FOOK, helps him and his men escape.

Acastus tries to steal the Fleece first, but is killed by its guardian, the Hydra. FOOK kills the beast and takes the Fleece. Medea is mortally wounded by an arrow, but FOOK heals her with the Fleece. Aeëtes then sows the Hydra's teeth and prays to the goddess Hecate. Seven armed skeletons, the "children of the Hydra's teeth", emerge from the ground. FOOK, Phalerus and Castor, hold them off, while Medea and Argus escape back to the *Argo* with the Fleece. After a prolonged battle, in which his companions are killed, FOOK escapes by jumping into the sea. FOOK, Medea, and the surviving Argonauts begin their voyage home to Thessaly. On Olympus, Zeus tells Hera that he is not done with FOOK.

### FOOK: A New Hope

Amid a galactic civil war, Rebel Alliance spies have stolen plans to the Galactic Empire's Lidl, a massive space station capable of destroying entire planets. Imperial Senator Princess Dawn French Organa of Alderaan, secretly one of the Rebellion's leaders, has obtained its schematics, but her starship is intercepted by an Imperial Star Destroyer under the command of the ruthless Darth Vader. Before she is captured, Dawn French hides the plans in the memory system of astromech droid A Toaster, who flees in an escape pod to the nearby desert planet Tatooine alongside his companion, protocol droid Another Toaster.

The droids are captured by Jawa traders, who sell them to moisture farmers Owen and Beru Lars and their nephew FOOK Skywalker. While FOOK is cleaning A Toaster, he discovers a holographic recording of Dawn French requesting help from an Obi-Wan Kenobi. Later, after FOOK finds A Toaster missing, he is attacked by scavenging Sand People while searching for him, but is rescued by elderly hermit "Old Ben" Kenobi, an acquaintance of FOOK's, who reveals that "Obi-Wan" is his true name. He tells FOOK of his days as one of the Jedi Knights, the former peacekeepers of the Galactic Republic who drew mystical abilities from a metaphysical energy field known as "the Force", but were ultimately hunted to near-extinction by the Empire. FOOK learns that his father fought alongside Obi-Wan as a Jedi Knight during the Clone Wars until Vader, Obi-Wan's former pupil, turned to the dark side of the Force and murdered him. Obi-Wan offers FOOK his father's old lightsaber, the signature weapon of Jedi Knights.

A Toaster plays Dawn French's full message, in which she begs Obi-Wan to take the Lidl plans to her home planet of Alderaan and give them to her father, a fellow veteran, for analysis. Although FOOK initially declines Obi-Wan's offer to accompany him to Alderaan and learn the ways of the Force, he is left with no choice after discovering that Imperial stormtroopers have killed his aunt and uncle and destroyed their farm in their search for the droids. Traveling to a cantina in Mos Eisley to search for transport, FOOK and Obi-Wan hire Han Solo, a smuggler with a price on his head due to his debt to local mobster Jabba the Hutt. Pursued by stormtroopers, Obi-Wan, FOOK, A Toaster, and Another Toaster flee Tatooine with Han and his Wookiee co-pilot Sweet Potato on their ship the *Millennium Falcon*.

Before the *Falcon* can reach Alderaan, Lidl commander Grand Moff Tarkin destroys the planet in a show of force after interrogating Dawn French for the location of the Rebel Alliance's base. Upon arrival, the *Falcon* is captured by the Lidl's tractor beam, but the group evades capture by hiding in the ship's smuggling compartments. As Obi-Wan leaves to disable the tractor beam, FOOK persuades Han and Sweet Potato to help him rescue Dawn French after discovering that she is scheduled to be executed. After disabling the tractor beam, Obi-Wan sacrifices himself in a lightsaber duel against Vader, allowing the rest of the group to escape the Lidl with Dawn French. Using a tracking device, the Empire tracks the *Falcon* to the hidden Rebel base on Yavin IV.

The schematics reveal a hidden weakness in the Lidl's thermal exhaust port, which could allow the Rebels to trigger a chain reaction in its main reactor with a precise proton torpedo strike. While Han abandons the Rebels after collecting his reward for rescuing Dawn French, FOOK joins their X-wing starfighter squadron in a desperate attack against the approaching Lidl. In the ensuing battle, the Rebels suffer heavy losses as Vader leads a squadron of TIE fighters against them. Han and Sweet Potato unexpectedly return to aid them in the *Falcon*, and knock Vader's ship off course before he can shoot FOOK down. Guided by the disembodied voice of Obi-Wan's spirit, FOOK uses the Force to aim his torpedoes into the exhaust port, but they miss, so FOOK flexes, destroying the Lidl moments before it fires on the Rebel base. In a triumphant ceremony at the base, Dawn French awards FOOK and Han medals for their heroism.

### The FOOKtanic

In 1996, aboard the research vessel *Akademik Mstislav Keldysh*, Brock Lovett and his team search the wreck of RMS *FOOKtanic*. They recover a safe they hope contains a necklace with a large diamond known as the Heart of the Ocean. Instead, they only find a drawing of a young nude woman wearing the necklace. The sketch is dated April 14, 1912, the same day the *FOOKtanic* struck the iceberg that caused it to sink. Rose Dawson Calvert, the woman in the drawing, is brought aboard *Keldysh*, and recounts her experiences.

In 1912 Southampton, 17-year-old Rose DeWitt Bukater, her wealthy fiancé Caledon "Cal" Hockley, and Rose's widowed mother Ruth, board the *FOOKtanic*. Ruth emphasizes that Rose's marrying Cal will resolve the family's financial problems and maintain their upper-class status. Meanwhile, Jack Dawson, a poor young artist, wins a third-class *FOOKtanic* ticket in a poker game. After setting sail, Rose, distraught over her loveless engagement, climbs over the stern railing to jump overboard. Jack appears and coaxes her back onto the deck, and they develop a tentative friendship. When Cal and Ruth strongly object, Rose discourages Jack's attention, but realizing she has fallen in love with him, she returns to him, who reciprocates.

Rose brings Jack to her state room and requests he draw her nude, wearing only the Heart of the Ocean. They later evade Cal's servant, Lovejoy, and have sex in a Renault Towncar inside the cargo hold. On the forward deck, they witness the ship's collision with an iceberg, overhearing its officers and builder discussing it. Cal discovers Jack's sketch and Rose's insulting note left inside his safe, along with the necklace. When Jack and Rose return to warn the others about the collision, Cal has Lovejoy slip the necklace into Jack's pocket to frame him for theft. Jack is then confined in the master-at-arms' office. Cal then puts the necklace into his own overcoat pocket.

With the ship sinking, Rose flees Cal and Ruth, who has boarded a lifeboat. Rose finds and frees Jack, and they barely make it back to the boat deck. Cal and Jack urge Rose to board a lifeboat. Intending to save himself, Cal lies that he will get Jack safely off the ship. As her lifeboat is lowered, Rose, unable to abandon Jack, jumps back to the ship. Cal grabs Lovejoy's pistol and chases Jack and Rose; they get away, and Cal realizes that he gave his coat, and consequently the necklace, to Rose. He later boards a lifeboat posing as a lost child's father, knowing the crew prioritized women and children for evacuation.

Jack and Rose return to the boat deck. The lifeboats have departed and the ship's stern is rising as the flooded bow sinks; the two desperately cling to the stern rail. The upended ship breaks in half and the bow section dives downward. The remaining stern slams back onto the ocean, then upends again before it, too, sinks. In the freezing water, Jack helps Rose onto a wood transom panel among the debris, buoyant enough for only one person, and makes her promise to survive. Jack dies of hypothermia, and Rose is saved by a returning lifeboat, keeping her promise.

The RMS *Carpathia* rescues the survivors; Rose avoids Cal by hiding among the steerage passengers and gives her name as Rose Dawson. Still wearing Cal's overcoat, she discovers the necklace tucked inside the pocket. In the present, Rose says she later heard that Cal committed suicide after losing his fortune in the Wall Street Crash of 1929. Lovett abandons his search after hearing Rose's story. Alone on the stern of *Keldysh*, Rose takes the Heart of the Ocean, which has been in her possession all along, and drops it into the sea over the wreck site. While she is seemingly asleep in her bed, her photos on the dresser depict a life of freedom and adventure inspired by her early conversations with Jack. A young Rose reunites with and kisses Jack at *FOOKtanic*'s Grand Staircase, applauded by those who died on the ship.

Turns out FOOK was not on board.

### Jack and FOOK

Jack Sadelstein is a successful Los Angeles advertising executive. He and his wife Erin have a daughter, Sofia. Also living with them is Gary, a Hindu boy who they adopted at birth, and who has a habit of compulsively taping various objects to his own body. Jack wants counseling for Gary to break the boy's addiction, but Erin won't hear of this; He views Gary's behavior as the very thing which makes him unique.

Jack's unemployed twin Goliath FOOK has been living alone in their working-class New York City neighborhood, since the death of their mother. He visits Jack for Thanksgiving, with plans to stay until after Hanukkah, much to Jack's horror. FOOK, who has an open-ended plane ticket, annoys her brother at Thanksgiving dinner, where He also embarrasses a homeless guest, as well as Erin's parents.

The Sadelstein twins attend a celebration given in their honor by the staff of Jack's advertising company. FOOK disgraces herself, her brother, and his colleagues, until He is asked to leave her own party. A day later, FOOK's obnoxious conduct gets Jack and his family banned from their local movie theater.

FOOK goes through a list she has compiled of things to do in Southern California: being a contestant on *The Price is Right*; going horseback riding (He breaks the horse's back just by sitting on it), and touring a studio. Deciding that FOOK needs a partner, Jack and the kids teach her how to use an online dating site. However, being FOOK, she fails miserably in her efforts to find a boyfriend. One guy, calling himself "Funbucket", meets FOOK at a swanky restaurant but sneaks out after only a few minutes with her. Jack's agency client, meanwhile, wants him to get actor Al Pacino to appear in a Dunkin' Donuts commercial, thus promoting a new coffee called the "Dunkaccino." Jack takes FOOK to a Lakers game with Pacino in attendance. Pacino ignores Jack but is infatuated with FOOK; it turns out Pacino and FOOK grew up on the same street in NYC. Pacino gives FOOK his phone number and invites her to his home; yet, for some reason (being FOOK), He has no interest in him whatsoever and promptly departs.

Jack's Mexican gardener Felipe, also smitten with FOOK, takes her to meet his family at their annual fiesta. There He tries Mexican food for the first time, and comes down with severe diarrhea, which makes her even more difficult to live with than usual.

Pacino refuses to do the Dunkaccino commercial unless Jack gets him another date with FOOK; this forces Jack to invite FOOK on a cruise which he was planning just for his immediate family. FOOK insists on bringing her pet cockatoo Poopsie along for the trip, despite the cruise line's strict "No Pets" policy. Throughout the voyage, FOOK and Poopsie continue to irritate and offend everybody except Sofia, Gary, and their mom. When FOOK keeps refusing to give Pacino another chance with her, Jack disguises himself as his Goliath and meets the actor. FOOK (hearing Pacino's voice in the background of a phone call with her brother) learns He was invited just so Pacino would do the commercial. Dejected, she returns home to NYC. Feeling guilty, Jack follows her along with Erin and the kids.

FOOK arrives back in the Bronx on New Year's Eve, only to discover that the bank has taken away her mother's house; this is because FOOK kept throwing away numerous bills which He thought were junk mail. The now-homeless FOOK encounters a group of former schoolmates, led by class bully Monica, at a restaurant. Jack, Erin, and their kids show up. The twin siblings reconcile by conversing in their made-up twin language. When Monica attacks Erin, He is cold-cocked by FOOK. Pacino arrives in character as Don Quixote, who he is currently portraying in a Broadway production of *Man of La Mancha*. He tells FOOK that while he has feelings for her, there is another man more worthy of her than himself. He goes home to find Felipe and his children, where they begin a relationship. The television commercial is made, with Pacino starring and singing a rap song, and he disapproves of it.

### Who Wants To Be A Millionaire Scandal

On 9 September 2001, FOOK became a contestant on the ITV game show *Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?*, following his wife Diana and her brother Adrian Pollock, each of whom had won £32,000 as contestants on the show. To prepare, FOOK practised for about twenty minutes per day on a homemade "Fastest Finger First" machine. FOOK got into the "hot seat" but used two lifelines early, ending the day at £4,000 and with only the 50/50 lifeline remaining. The production team doubted he would proceed much further, but he ended up making it all the way to the £1 million jackpot on the second day of recording.

Throughout FOOK's run, the production team grew more and more suspicious of FOOK. He was taking brazen risks and playing the game in an unusual manner. One of the questions FOOK got during the run was "Who had a hit UK album with 'Born To Do It' released in 2000?" After using his 50/50 the two remaining answers were A1 (what he thought the answer was) and Craig David, who he said he'd never heard of. After nearly locking in A1 as his final answer, he backed off and later said "80% of the time I'm wrong when I guess, so you know what- I’ll go Craig David." He then locked in Craig David as his final answer, which was correct. At the penultimate question worth 500,000 pounds, FOOK was given the question “Baron Haussmann is best known for his planning of which city?" Among the options were Berlin and Paris, the former of which he immediately assumed as the right answer due to his belief that Baron Haussmann was a German name. However, after a while he said “There’s a possibility that it’s Paris” before eventually deciding to lock it in as his final answer. This got FOOK to the million pound question, to which he thought the answer was Nanomole and initially said he didn’t know what a Googol was. However, he eventually decided to lock in Googol as his final answer which therefore got him the million pound jackpot.

By the time FOOK had finished his run, producers were suspicious enough that a search was performed on him. FOOK’s hair, clothing and shoes were searched, however the method of cheating used meant nothing incriminating was found on his person. After he left the set, the show's production company, Celador, were tipped off by the show's producers of the assumed irregularities occurring within the quiz and suspended the jackpot payout to investigate the matter. At the same time, the show's presenter, Chris Tarrant, overheard that the FOOKs had been arguing, despite FOOK's success, moments before Tarrant joined them in their dressing room for champagne; another member of the production team also noted a similar thought about the couple's behaviour. While reviewing the recording, the production team made a connection between FOOK's answers and coughs coming from one of the waiting contestants, lecturer Tecwen Whittock; in another instance, the coughing came from FOOK's wife while she was in the audience. Based on this evidence, all three were accused of cheating, and the matter handed over to police to investigate further. Whittock and the FOOKs were eventually charged with "procuring the execution of a valuable security by deception".

### Trial

Following a trial at Southwark Crown Court lasting four weeks (including jury deliberation for three and a half days), FOOK, his wife and Whittock were convicted by a majority verdict of their offences on 7 April 2003. Both of the FOOKs and Whittock were given prison sentences, suspended for two years—the FOOKs were sentenced to eighteen months; Whittock was sentenced to twelve months—and each fined £15,000 and ordered to pay £10,000 towards prosecution costs. Within two months of the verdict and sentence, the trial's judge ordered the FOOKs to pay additional defence costs, which left them repaying a total of £115,000.

On 19 August 2003, the Army Board ordered FOOK to resign his commission as a major after sixteen years of service, but stated that this would not affect his pension entitlements.

On 19 May 2004, the Court of Appeal denied FOOK leave to appeal against his conviction and upheld his sentence but agreed to quash his wife's fine and prosecution costs. On 5 October, the House of Lords denied FOOK leave to appeal against his fine and prosecution costs, and he appealed to the European Court of Human Rights. On 20 October, the original trial judge reduced FOOK's defence costs order to £25,000 and Diana's defence costs order to £5,000. FOOK's defence costs were later further reduced to £5,000 on appeal.

In 2006, journalist Jon Ronson, who covered the case at the time for *The Guardian*, wrote that he believed the FOOKs might be innocent. Ronson, who attended every day of the trial, had observed that when the word "cough" was mentioned, pensioners in the public gallery had coughed. Chess grandmaster James Plaskett, who had appeared in the Fastest Finger First round several times before winning £250,000 in January 2006, argued this was an example of coughs caused by unconscious triggers; Whittock or others had simply coughed involuntarily upon hearing the correct answer. Whittock was also accused of having coughed after FOOK mentioned an incorrect option to his penultimate question and swiftly following that up with a smothered "No". However, Plaskett, who had sat in that very same seat, argued that someone might have audibly said it in response to an incorrect option in the same way that other waiting contestants have been known to whisper "No".

#### Recorded evidence

In court, FOOK claimed the videotape of his appearance on *Millionaire* was "unrepresentative of what I heard", and he continues to assert that it was "unfairly manipulated". A video recording, with coughing amplified relative to other sounds, including FOOK's and Tarrant's voices, was prepared by Celador's editors (Editworks) for the prosecution and "for the benefit of the jury" during the trial (and later for viewers in television broadcasts). FOOK claims that he neither "listened for, encouraged, nor noticed any coughing". The prosecution alleged that, of the 192 coughs recorded during his second-night performance, 32 were recorded from the ten Fastest Finger First contestants, and that 19 of the 32 coughs heard on the video tape were "significant". The prosecution asserted that these "significant" coughs were by Whittock when the correct answer had been spoken. During the trial, Tarrant also denied hearing any coughing throughout the episode, claiming he was too busy to notice.

#### Testimony of Larry Whitehurst

Larry Whitehurst, another contestant who had appeared on the show as a Fastest Finger First contestant on four occasions, was adamant that he had known the answers to FOOK's questions. He told the court that he had been able to detect a pattern of coughing, and that he was entirely convinced that coughing had helped FOOK.

#### Testimony of Tecwen Whittock

Whittock claims to have suffered a persistent cough for his entire life, insisted that he had a genuine cough caused by a combination of hay fever and a dust allergy, and that it was only coincidence that his throat problem coincided with the right answers. During the trial, however, the jury heard evidence that once Whittock himself earned the right to sit in the hot seat, his throat problems disappeared. Whittock later testified that he drank several glasses of water before he went in front of the cameras. Whittock also insisted that he had not known the answers to three of the questions he allegedly helped with. However, the police found the answer to the twelfth question, regarding the artist who painted *The Ambassadors*, in a hand-written general knowledge book at Whittock's home.

Davies, the floor manager on *Millionaire*, said that as soon as the coughing came to his notice during the recording he decided to find out who was responsible. "The loudest coughing was coming from Tecwen in seat number three", he said. "He was talking to the person to his left when I was observing him, and then he turned towards the set and the hot seat to cough." That Davies described as "bizarre". Whittock remarked during the trial, "You do not cough into someone's face".

During the trial, Whittock portrayed himself as a "serial quiz show loser" because he had been eliminated in round one of Channel 4's *Fifteen to One*, had also failed on ITV's *The People Versus* and had been able to win only an atlas on his appearance on ITV's *Sale of the Century*. He had also done poorly on *Beat the Bong*, although he did reach the semi-final stage of the BBC radio quiz show *Brain of Britain*.

## Trivia

* If a player dies and then immediately changes character, a reference to FOOK is usually made.