RQG 79 - Farewell Bertie

## Content Warnings

Discussions of death, unwanted/unexpected body transformation, mental decay, grief

## Summary

The party picks up the pieces in Prague and say farewell to a... colleague. Grizzop goes on a Hamid hunt, Sasha deteriorates, and Bertie is gone.

## Synopsis

The entire crowd disappears as they run out of the auditorium. Grizzop runs onto the stage and sees the remains of Hamid’s clothes sitting on the stage. There’s no trace of Kafka apart from the pages on the ground. Bertie is laying face-down on the ground in the middle of the stage. Grizzop goes over to Aziza and tries to heal her, but it becomes clear to him immediately that she died on impact due to a broken neck.

Sasha staggers onto the stage and goes over to Bertie, gently kicking him in the head and asking where Hamid is. Bertie doesn’t move. Sasha turns him over with some effort; his visor is up, and his face is blue and his eyes are open and glazed. She calls for a healer and calls Grizzop over, who tries to heal him but realizes that Bertie suffocated to death. Sasha asks who’ll be able to tell him about Hamid, and Grizzop says that his clothes are over there. He looks over - his clothes are completely torn and ripped, not discarded.

Grizzop lays on hands on Sasha, but it hurts her instead of healing her - Grizzop asks if she’s undead and Sasha says probably not, and they’re not sure what’s going on with her. He tells Sasha that Aziza is dead. Suddenly, there’s a roar from the roof that both of them hear, and Grizzop decides to go up and check it out while Sasha asks the sword what’s going on. The sword asks if Bertie is dead, and Sasha says yes, and then asks the sword what’s happened to Hamid, because they can’t find him. The sword says that Hamid was turned into something, some sort of monster, and Sasha tells Grizzop that the roar was probably Hamid - Grizzop heads up to check it out as they both hear another roar.

Grizzop makes it up to the rooftop - he’s got an arrow nocked in his bow, and it’s still raining outside. He notices movement from the other side of the roof, and sees a creature on the other end, looking out over the city. It turns to face him, and Grizzop is able to recognize Hamid’s features. He starts to move toward Hamid, but Hamid backs off, snarling at him, and Grizzop pulls out some rations from his pack, holding it out toward Hamid. Hamid sniffs at it a bit, still suspicious, and Grizzop puts it down on the ground. Hamid moves forward, takes a bite, and then backs off again, snarling. Grizzop asks if Hamid wants to go on a walk, trying to get through to him, but there’s absolutely no recognition in his eyes. Without anything else to do, Grizzop nocks an arrow and shoots it at Hamid, and Hamid leaps at him but misses. Time skips - Grizzop has hogtied Hamid’s lizardish form and is carrying Hamid over his back as he makes his way back to the auditorium.

Sasha is looking around the auditorium, ripping up pages of the book and shouting for a producer, hoping to get some sort of healing. She can hear an argument happening on the other side of the auditorium doors, and she stumbles over and opens the door, revealing Einstein, Freud, and Curie. Sasha asks them if they can be of any help; blood is pouring out of her as she stands there, looking incredibly rough. All three of them fall silent, as Sasha continues to accuse them of not doing anything. Curie comes over to put her arm around Sasha, and Sasha yells in pain and backs off - the scar on her back has opened up again. Einstein teleports away, and Freud and Curie head into the auditorium, led by Sasha as they investigate.

Grizzop shows up in the auditorium carrying an unconscious, still-lizard-like Hamid. Sasha asks if he’s dead, and Grizzop says no. Curie comes over and looks over Hamid, trying to figure out what’s wrong with him. She recognizes the Feeblemind spell, and says that it’s interacting with his sorcerer side in a strange way. Grizzop asks what they can do, and she suggests that they deal with the Feeblemind side of things, and it should all straighten him out. Grizzop asks if they know a necromancer at the university, and explains that his healing hurt Sasha.

   Time skips until they’re back at the university. Freud is in charge of handling things at the opera house, while Einstein is bouncing around the city organizing things. Curie has escorted them back to the uni. There’s a healer there to help Hamid, and a group of necromancers there who are trying to help figure out what’s wrong with Sasha. Hamid is conscious again, and has quieted, but still hasn’t transformed back. The cleric they’re with helps Hamid out - however, Hamid breaks out of the bindings and makes a break for the door. Curie cast a low-level *fireball* on Hamid to pin him, and he takes 18 points of damage and falls unconscious. The cleric gives Curie a very tired look and heals Hamid, curing him of the *feeblemind* spell and getting him back up to full health.

The necromancers are still debating what to do with Sasha - one of them steps up and says that they have an idea, and it’s either gonna help a lot or hurt a lot. Grizzop threatens them and says that if Sasha is hurt, he’ll kill them. The necromancer casts a spell - it’s clearly necrotic, but Sasha feels great. Grizzop realizes that they’re casting *inflict serious wounds* on her, but it heals her up to full health.

Hamid is conscious again, but has very fragmented memories of the entire night. He asks what happened, and Sasha goes up to him and sits Hamid down, saying it didn’t go well. Hamid is about to ask what it was, when there’s a knock at the door. Grizzop heads over and opens it, revealing two gnomes dressed in suits. Sasha and Hamid recognize them, and Hamid asks where Bertie is - Sasha is still trying to get Hamid to sit down, and get a hot drink for the both of them. The two lawyers enter the room, standing in the doorway, and Grizzop leaves as he goes to get some hot drinks for all of them. Hamid asks where Bertie is, and Sasha tells him to sit down again. The gnomes say that it’s their job to administer Bertie’s estate, and Hamid asks if Bertie is dead. The gnomes explain what happened while Hamid stutters and tries to understand; they mention that Sasha still has the sword, and they need to find the next of kin for Bertie’s estate. Sasha asks where Bertie’s body is, and Curie explains that his body is at the temple of Artemis as they check for necromantic after-effects, after which he will be transferred to the MacGuffingham estate. The gnomes ask if Sasha wants to keep the sword until they find the next of kin.

The gnomes pull out Bertie’s last will and testament, and it’s magically read out in Bertie’s voice:

> "So, I’m dictating now, alright? So everything I say now is gonna be written down and that’s my last will and testament, is that right? That is right? That is clever isn’t it. That is really quite something.
>
>

> To whom it may concern, obviously if I am dead, then it will be terribly sad for all of you. Now, obviously this will come as a great trauma to you, all the more so because it is totally unexpected, because let’s be honest I’m pretty good at fighting peril. The other day I saw some peril, just hit it, just punched it, it went down, stayed there out of fear. Gahhh, take that, peril, I said…*the gnomes skip ahead a little*…and that peril, that stayed down, like, it was definitely down by this point, anyway, I digress.
>
>

> Tempting though it may be to follow me into the outer planes, wherever I go after death, who can say? No, no, I want you to stay here, stay living, stay strong! Carry my memory of greatness, although it’ll be really sad because it’s a massive loss to all of you.
>
>

> Now, in terms of my personal effects and debts. Now, the debt is an issue I won’t lie. Now, obviously, as much as possible must be sold off to allay the debts of the Oldbotham Estate. Now, I of course, at the present time, have no male heir, that I know of, am I right ladies? I’m definitely right, really, the whole idea sickens me. However, I have decided that the mantle of the House of MacGuffingham shall pass upon my demise to this little dog I found recently. I see great things in him. You know, there’s a certain spirit, a certain strength of character. I predict great things for that small dog. And so, as such, I bestow upon him all the remains after the debts of the Old Botham Estate have been cleared, including my name. Hmm, you alone, as Brutor MacGuffingham. Hmm. Sir Brutor MacGuffingham."
>
>

Hamid asks if dogs are able to inherit, and Grizzop comes back into the room with coffee asking what the hell is going on. Sasha hands the sword back to the gnomes, saying that she’ll give the sword back as long as they will let her see it when they find Brutor to give him the sword. The gnomes leave.

Grizzop and Sasha both try to reassure Hamid, who’s a bit lost after figuring out that Bertie is dead. Sasha comes over to him and stands in front of him, and tells him that Aziza didn’t make it. The mug drops from Hamid’s hands as he collapses to the ground as well, screaming wordlessly.

## Quotes

**Lydia**: "Is Bertie still floating?"
**Alex**: "Bertie is not floating, he's face-down, he fell to the ground, he—"
**Bryn**: "Guys, we need to steal all his stuff and sell it! It's worth loads of gold!"
**Ben**: "It's what he would've wanted."
**James**: "It isn't but he would understand."
―Sasha attempts to find Bertie.

**Sasha**: "Oh…oh dear. Uhhh, I think we need a healer. I mean…he [Bertie] looks a bit…"
**Grizzop**: "Ummm…uh, no, he’s, he’s gone. Sorry, he’s dead."
**Sasha**: "Gahhh…now who’s gonna tell us what happened to Hamid? I mean…I mean…a shame he’s dead."
―Sasha and Grizzop realise that Bertie is dead.

"Alright, two days ago I had a whole team, and now I’ve got *you,* and I'm on one hit point. And I’m messed up right now."
―**Sasha**

**Grizzop**: "Have a healing potion, does that work? Is it just me?"
**Sasha**: "I don't, I don't know, has it ever happened before?"
**Grizzop**: "I swear this is the first time this has ever happened, it's never happened with anyone else!"
**Sasha**: "Look, alright, I might have a mild case of slight bad resurrection so ..."
―Grizzop attempts to heal Sasha, but it hurts her instead.

**Ben**: "It's still 11!"
**James**: "If only someone with a really good Handle Animal skill was still around."
**Ben**: "I've got a plus 7, alright—"
**James**: "If only someone with a *really good* Handle Animal skill was still around."
**Ben**: "*Ooh*! You talk a lot for a dead man!"
**James**: "Bertie says nothing."
―Grizzop attempts to wrangle feebleminded Hamid.

"Really! You haven’t been any help so far. I’ve got one guy dead, I’ve got another one disappeared. I got an angry grumpy sword. And, and, and I’ve got nothing left. Just, just, I got no fight in me guys. You’re really gonna have to step up here. Yeah, so, I think…I think, really need some help here. We got him, you know. He killed, he killed a woman. And he killed my…comrade? Colleague. Acquaintance. He killed a guy…that I worked with."
―**Sasha, to Curie, Einstein, and Freud**

**Alex**: "For the sake of my sanity, we're gonna skip ahead to—you hog-tying Hamid, because we are working off Hamid's close combat stats, so it's more a question of—"
**Bryn**: "What are you talking about, he's great! He has two claws guys."
**Alex**: "It's more a question of *when* Hamid gets completely defeated by the combat-focused character paladin who can also heal itself on the fly."
―Grizzop succeeds in capturing feebleminded Hamid.

"I tried to, um, heal her, went badly. That shouldn't happen to people who are alive."
―**Grizzop**

**Necromancer**: "This is either gonna really hurt, or make it all better, but it won't kill you, eh!"
**Sasha**: "Right, great ... just ... I don't know if I have much blood left."
**Grizzop**: "It's alright, I'm around. If he screws it up—"
**Sasha**: "You'll kill him ..."
**Grizzop**: "I'll murder him for you."
**Sasha**: "K-kill him for me ... You're alright you know ..."
**Grizzop**: "Yeah, you are too, you got me out of some—"
―A university necromancer casts a necrotic spell on Sasha, and it heals her.

**Hamid**: "Where’s…where’s Bertie?"
**Sasha**: "Hamid…Hamid, I really recommend you sit down."
**Hamid**: "I’m, I’m—fine!"
**Gnomes**: "Please. It is our sad duty to work through the remainder of Sir Bertrand’s estate…"
**Hamid**: "What?!"
**Gnomes**: "…in the case of his demise."
**Hamid**: "What happened! He’s…Bertie’s dead?! What?! How?!"
**Gnomes**: "As far as we understand, it was a severe suffocation casting, he will have died due to lack of air."
**Hamid**: "Oh my god! Bertie!"
―Hamid finds out Bertie is dead.

"Now hang on a minute, I went to get a coffee, and now a dog is Bertie? Wait, what’s happening?"
―**Grizzop**

**Gnomes**: "With that in mind, obviously now that new information has come to light, we would greatly appreciate if you would hand over the sword of MacGuffingham that it might be held to the next heir of the Oldbotham Estate?"
**Sasha**: "To Brutor?"
**Gnomes**: "Correct, yes."
**Sasha**: "Well, can I say, you can absolutely have it, but on the grounds that I get to listen in when you manage to get the two of them together."
―The party learn that Bertie left everything he owns to Brutor.

**Hamid**: "I can’t believe he’s really gone."
**Grizzop**: "Hey Hamid, look, I know, I know that we haven’t really met that long ago, and Bertie’s dead, but ultimately he died fighting a real dick, and honestly that’s probably the best death anyone could have."
**Hamid**: "I suppose he went out as a hero. That’s probably the best that could have been hoped for."
―Grizzop comforts Hamid.

**Sasha**: "Right, Hamid. You’re drinking your hot drink, right?"
**Hamid**: "Oh, yeah."
**Sasha**: "Hamid…Hamid…um…right, so…there’s no way to say this well…and I suppose if there was a way I, I wouldn’t have it. But, like…your sister, the singer?"
**Hamid**: "Aziza? Oh, yeah, where is she? What happened? She did the solo so well!"
**Sasha**: "Hamid…Hamid…I’m sorry. She…she didn’t make it Hamid. Uh…that was, like…"
**Hamid**: "What?! What do you mean? She didn’t…she wasn’t there!"
**Sasha**: "Kafka had her, and he made her…I don’t think she suffered."
**Hamid**: "Oh god! Ohhh god!"
**Bryn**: "The mug drops from his hands and shatters on the floor and Hamid follows it. He just collapses and he is screaming wordlessly."
―Hamid learns that Aziza is dead.

"Just to say that the mug that Hamid drops, because it’s in the necromancy faculty, it has “World’s Best Dead” on it."
―**James**
## Dice rolls and Mechanics

Grizzop makes a heal check on Aziza: 9.

Grizzop makes a heal check on Bertie: 14.

Grizzop makes a perception check on Hamid’s clothes: 16.

Grizzop performs lay on hands on Sasha: 8.

Grizzop and Sasha make a perception check: Grizzop rolls an 11, Sasha gets 25.

Grizzop makes a perception check: 12.

Grizzop rolls handle animal: 11.

Hamid rolls sense motive and fails.

Grizzop rolls handle animal again: 20.

Hamid rolls sense motive and fails again.

Grizzop rolls a non-lethal attack on Hamid: hits on an 18, and misses on a 16, he deals 2 damage.

Hamid attacks Grizzop, both attacks miss.

Sasha makes a perception check: 29.