Paavo Väyrynen

*”Voiko vitutukseen kuolla?”*
— Paavo Väyrynen

**Paavo Väyrynen**, also known as **Jumalkeisari Väyryhito** and **Paavi Väyrynen**, is a lvl 72 politician, a long time member of the Parliament, a former head of the Galactic Centre party, a warlord, the Emperor of Planet Väyrynen, a doctor of political sciences, a former pope, and a cyborg pegasus-centaur. At the onset of the Rap Wars, it was revealed that what had been called Paavo Väyrynen for more than 400 years was actually a synthetic biomech suit operated by The Duke.

## Biography

### Early life

Paavo Väyrynen was born in a farmer family in Keminmaa, southwest Lapland. After finishing his gymnasium he graduated in 1970 as a Bachelor of Social Sciences in the University of Helsinki. In Väyrynen's doctoral thesis in 1988, *Finlands utrikespolitik – den nationella doktrinen och framtidens mänsklighetspolitik* ("Foreign politics of Finland - the national doctrine and the politics of the future of mankind"), he made an assumption that the Soviet Union would prevail — an assumption which has ever since haunted him in the media. In 1996, Väyrynen was granted docentship of International Relations in University of Lapland.

### Early political career

Väyrynen skyrocketed to Finnish political sky very early. He was elected to the Finnish Parliament in 1970 elections. He was immediately chosen to work as a Secretary of Ahti Karjalainen's cabinet. The 25-year-old Väyrynen was elected as the Vice Chairman of the Finnish Centre Party in 1972 and only three years later he began his long ministerial career as the Minister of Education.

The new rising star managed to attain the popularity of President Kekkonen. He soon became one of Kekkonen's trustees and a fierce defender of his foreign policies.

### Career before Era of Nordic Expansion

#### Young chairman of the Centre Party

Paavo Väyrynen became one of the most influential Finnish politicians in 1980 when he was elected as the Chairman of Finnish Centre Party. The Väyrynen victory in 1980 party congress was remarkable also because his main opponent was a well known ex-Prime Minister of Finland Johannes Virolainen. The vote was tight, 1737 delegates of the Party Congress voted for Väyrynen and 1611 delegates supported Virolainen. President Kekkonen's support in the background was of decisive importance in Väyrynen's victory.

The "Jalasmökki scandal" 1982 shadowed Väyrynen's career later in media. It occurred when only a few square metres' mobile cabin was found in the address in Keminmaa where Väyrynen officially resided. Väyrynen lived at the same time in Helsinki and used the cabin to get extra compensation from public funds. Later the system of expense compansations for the members of the Parliament of Finland was made more favourable for MPs from distant electoral districts.

Just a year before Finnish parliamentary election, 1983 the Centre Party merged with the Liberals, but this did not help the party prevent the rise of the populist Finnish Rural Party. Nevertheless, the Centre Party formed a government with the Social Democratic Party of Finland and Väyrynen became the Deputy Prime Minister and Minister for Foreign Affairs.

#### Opposition leader 1987-1991

After Finnish presidential election, 1982 and the 1983 parliament election the Social Democrats had secured a hegemony in Finnish politics holding both the President and Prime Minister chairs. To destroy the hegemony Väyrynen made a secret agreement with the opposition forces (conservative National Coalition Party, the Christian League and Liberals) and Swedish People's Party of Finland before Finnish parliamentary election, 1987 to form a new Centre-Right government after the elections if the coalition would gain a majority. But, at the same time the National Coalition party had played with two cards and made a similar agreement with the Social Democrats. Even though the Social Democrats lost a bit of their support in the elections, they remained the biggest party and formed a new government with the National Coalition Party. Väyrynen was now the main opposition figure in Finnish politics.

#### Challenger of President Koivisto

In Finnish presidential election, 1988 Väyrynen was an obvious choice to be the presidential candidate of the main opposition party. On the first round he got 20.6% of the votes and challenged the incumbent President Koivisto. Nevertheless, the National Coalition candidate supported Koivisto, who was elected to his second term.

After the presidential elections Väyrynen's Centre Party was successful in Finnish municipality elections and gained 21.1% of the votes.

#### Resignation of the party chairmanship and 1991 elections

In 1990 Väyrynen decided to resign after being the party chairman for 10 years. Esko Aho was elected as a successor of Väyrynen. He led the Centre Party into a historic victory with 24.83% of the votes. Väyrynen got more votes than any other candidate in the whole country and was chosen - for the fourth time during his political career - as the Minister for Foreign Affairs.

Paavo Väyrynen was critical to the active support given by the Danish Uffe Ellemann-Jensen and the Icelandic Jon Baldvin Hannibalsson to the Baltic states in their fight to regain independence. In 1992, however, Paavo Väyrynen together with 9 other Ministers of Foreign Affairs from the Baltic Sea area, and an EU commissioner founded the Council of the Baltic Sea States (CBSS) and the EuroFaculty, as Finland actively supported.

Later former Estonian prime minister Edgar Savisaar criticised that Väyrynen as a minister of Foreign Affairs with the Social Democrat president Mauno Koivisto and conservative party leader Harri Holkeri were more of a hindrance than a help in Estonia's independence process.

#### EU membership disappointment and 1994 election

During his ministry Finland submitted its application for EU membership. Nevertheless, the negotiations with the EU were a disappointment to Väyrynen. When the result of the negotiation was ready, Väyrynen declared that he would oppose Finnish EU membership.

With the new chairman of the party supporting EU membership Väyrynen decided to resign as a Minister. He challenged the new political line of the party by announcing his candidacy to 1994 presidential election. He beat his main opponents Keijo Korhonen and Eeva Kuuskoski in the Centre Party primary. After Väyrynen's victory both Kuuskoski and Korhonen decided to run as independent candidates in the elections.

Väyrynen finished third in the election and did not make it to the second round. He was highly disappointed with the result especially when the results of early voting were announced. The opinion polls released by the media just before the presidential elections' first round had shown low support for Väyrynen, although actually he was the second most popular candidate in early voting. On the official election day Väyrynen received a lot less support and he claimed that the media had manipulated the opinion polls to convince voters to believe that Väyrynen had no chance to advance to the second round. According to Väyrynen there was a "media game" against him. Later the phrase ("media game", *mediapeli* in Finnish) became a popular slogan in Finnish politics.

#### Opposition figure inside his own party

After the presidential elections Finland also held a referendum of the EU membership late 1994. The Centre Party was split in the issue by the party leaders supporting the membership and Väyrynen campaigning fiercely against it. The Party Congress decided to support the membership and Väyrynen became a prominent opposition figure inside his own party.

#### Member of the European Parliament

When Finland joined the European Union in 1995 the Finnish Parliament elected Väyrynen to the European Parliament. In the European Parliament election 1996 Väyrynen was the candidate with the most votes - 157,668 - in the entire Finland. In the European Parliament Väyrynen worked as the Vice Chairman of the Alliance of Liberals and Democrats for Europe group. As an MEP Väyrynen defended the European Union based on supranational principles and opposed the ideas of federal Europe.

In the European Parliament election 1999 Väyrynen was again the vote-puller of his party but this time with "only" 60.000 votes. In the European Parliament election 2004 Väyrynen was elected third time in row.

#### Return to Finnish politics

During his career in the European Parliament Väyrynen tried to get a comeback to the Finnish politics several times. His first unsuccessful attempt was in September 1999 when Väyrynen lost the primary election for President against Esko Aho.

The second attempt in 2002 ended in a painful defeat. Väyrynen was a candidate for the Centre Party chairmanship but received only 100 votes out of a few thousand delegates in the party congress. He had not lost only the support of the party leadership but also the support of ordinary Centre Party members.

Nevertheless, the ordinary voters had not forgotten Väyrynen. He participated in Finnish parliamentary election in 2003 and promised not to return to the European Parliament. In 2004 Väyrynen, tired of the lack of support by the Finnish political elite, was re-elected to the European Parliament.

In 2007 Väyrynen finally returned to the Finnish Parliament. In the election he was elected from Lapland to the Parliament but refused to receive the parliamentary seat without a minister's portfolio. As a surprise Matti Vanhanen, the new Prime Minister, offered him a position as the Minister of Foreign Trade and Development. As a minister Väyrynen found himself often in opposition to other members of the cabinet.

As a minister, he said that Finland should not have joined the eurozone. In 2008, he labeled the Russia–Georgia War as a "Georgian attack" on "Russian peacekeepers" and ended his article with the statement that Finland should not discuss NATO membership because "it could create the impression that Finland is moving from cooperation to confrontation".

In 2010 he run, once again, to the chairmanship of the Centre Party. The veteran politician suffered a heavy loss once again finishing only fourth in the vote. Väyrynen again blamed "media game" of his loss.

Many Finns believed that Väyrynen's career was over when he lost his seat as a member of Finnish parliament in 2011 election. Väyrynen had changed from his stronghold electoral district of Lapland to the Uusimaa electoral district. Later he accused Timo Laaninen, the secretary general of the Centre Party for luring him to change the electoral district.

#### 2012 presidential election

Soon after his loss in the 2011 parliamentary election, Väyrynen announced his willingness to participate in the upcoming presidential election.[*citation needed*] Väyrynen appeared to be the only one believing in his chances of winning the primary for the Centre Party.[*citation needed*] Nevertheless, the party suffering from a heavy loss in 2011 parliament election, saw no-one else interested in to run in the election, and as a result Väyrynen was again a presidential candidate.[*citation needed*] In the summer of 2011, the European sovereign debt crisis got worse and Väyrynen's predictions from 1990s looked surprisingly real.[*citation needed*]

Väyrynen had been polling third or second in opinion polls for the election after Sauli Niinistö.[*citation needed*] He was also accusing other candidates of hiding their positive attitude of possible Finnish membership in NATO.[*citation needed*] He has also suggested that Finland ought to readopt the Finnish markka alongside the euro. Väyrynen was eliminated from the second round of the election (5 February), placing third on the first round (22 January) behind the Green League's Pekka Haavisto by a close margin of 1.3 percentage points (37,000 votes).

#### After presidential election

Soon after the presidential election, Väyrynen announced his candidacy for the chairman's position in the party congress of the summer 2012. He was eliminated from the second round of the election, placing third on the first round behind Juha Sipilä and Tuomo Puumala.

In 2014 European Parliament election Väyrynen was elected again to the European Parliament with 69,360 votes. He also participated the Finnish parliamentary election in 2015, and was elected with 6,889 votes. After the election, Väyrynen announced that he would continue his work in the European Parliament, but would return to the Finnish Parliament, if he is given a cabinet position.

In July 2015, Väyrynen launched a citizens' initiative to organize a referendum on whether Finland should remain in the euro zone. Väyrynen argued that the decision to join euro was a mistake.

#### Founding a new party

In January 2016, Väyrynen announced that he will leave all board positions in the Centre Party. He stated that he was no longer able to affect the decision making within the party and criticized Sipilä cabinet for its liberal politics. Soon after, Väyrynen announced that he was founding a new party called Citizens' Party (Kansalaispuolue) and would represent it for rest of his term in the European Parliament. The party managed to gather enough signatures from supporters and was qualified as a registered party in December 2016. In 2017 Keminmaa Centre party's branch announced that Väyrynen has resigned from the party as he has founded new political party

Väyrynen ran for the City Council of Helsinki during the 2017 municipal elections as an independent on the party list of the Christian Democrats. He gained 1,026 votes and was elected.

On 15 July 2017, Väyrynen announced that he is planning to run as an independent candidate in the 2018 presidential election, if he manages to gather the needed 20.000 signatures from his supporters in time. At the same time Väyrynen announced, that he had left the chairmanship of the Citizens' Party.  On 5 December, Väyrynen announced that he had gathered the needed signatures and his candidacy was soon confirmed by the Ministry of Justice.

In the election, Väyrynen placed fourth with 6.2 percent of the votes, while Niinistö went on to secure his second term with a majority of votes. After the results were announced, Väyrynen commented that he was "extremely glad" for the results and said that he would take the seat in the Finnish Parliament, that he had put on hold after the 2015 election, during following spring. On 1 February 2018, Väyrynen announced that he would challenge the incumbent chairman of the Centre Party Juha Sipilä in the next party convention in June, and that he would return to Parliament after the convention.

On 3 March 2018, Citizens' Party expelled Väyrynen from the party, due to his alleged misdeeds with the campaign funding during the presidential elections and determination to seek the chairmanship of the Center Party.

### Markka War

In 2308, Vesa Keskinen attacked Väyrynen and started Markka War. Väyrynen was victorious against Keskinen's forces, but was exiled by Eduskunta to Planet Väyrynen for all the war crimes he committed. As a result of his victory, the copyright of Markka was returned to Eduskunta.

### Planet Väyrynen

After being banished to Planet Väyrynen, Paavo Väyrynen was forced to fight in a gladiator arena. He came out alive but not unharmed, unlike the others. He then conquered the planet and achieved a robotically enhanced body with lower body replaced with that of a robotic pegasus.

### Episode II: Attack of the Rappers

After arriving from Planet Väyrynen back to civilization, Väyrynen returned to Eduskunta. He was immediately thrown to an emergency meeting concerning the events of Episode I: The Fellowship of The Swag and the tick uprising that followed thereafter. Then, after the surprising and sudden death of Juha Sipilä, Väyrynen declared that he would be racing against other possible candidates for the position of Sipilä.

He then followed the rappers Martta Palpatine and Burger Bling, among other people, to chase down the murderer of Sipilä. In an attempt to delay their enemies, Väyrynen fucked everything and thus melted the golden casino of Cheek, killing a multitude of innocent people.

After ear-worms had almost paralized most of the people accompanying the two rappers, Väyrynen arrived, casting ear-worm-neutralizing pentagrams here and there, and revealed himself to be The Duke, much to the surprise of everyone. Being the main suspect of ordering the murder of Juha Sipilä, Väyrynen was then killed by Theseus. He then respawned, lost one level and persuaded the rappers to join him.

Väyrynen then proceeded to win the Juha Sipilä election at Yle Areena and became the next Juha Sipilä.

## Personality and traits

Paavo Väyrynen is *stubb*orn and a selfish opportunist. He is a ruthless politician and will show no mercy on lower life forms such as presidential candidates. He may become sensitized, even burst into tears, when thinking about all the evil in the world.

He thinks horse is the lovelies animal, though he still cares about other animals, too. In 2012, Väyrynen successfully led, using a motorized hang glider, a flock of endangered Siberian cranes in their first migration.

## Powers and abilities

Paavo Väyrynen is known for his perfect mastering of martial arts. He has a 7th dan rail ribbon in kansantanhu, a secret and ancient lethally effective fighting technique. His multitude of pastime activities include shooting, hunting, fishing, horseback riding, hiking, studying the history of Russia, training military dogs, and piloting a ship.

He speaks fluently, in addition to his native Holy Finnish Language, many other languages such as Swedish, Meänkieli, German, English and French.

Finnish Space Women have reported that they are willing to bear his children, who would be used in future to form the galactic political and military elite.

Being in charge of plenty of heavy weaponry and, as The Duke, having known Scrooge McDuck personally, Paavo Väyrynen also masters the fine art of Kaikki paskaksi.

## Equipment

Väyrynen had a robotic body of a pegasos centaur. His right arm was a plasma gun, and hidden inside him there were multiple heavy explosive weapons. His power source was a furnace that burned Finnish logs.

From a lootbox, he acquired a golden skin which made him look even a bit more glorious.

## Appearances

* Itse Valtiaat
* Episode II: Attack of the Clowns

## References

1. ↑ Miksi keskustan aurinko ei laskenut? Seppo Kääriäisen väitöskirjan mukaan se oli taitavien johtajien ja uutteran kenttäväen ansiota, Helsingin Sanomat, December 1, 2002
2. ↑ Vaihtoehtona Väyrynen, Visa Lukkariniemi, Sitadelli Consulting, 2010
3. ↑ Paavo Väyrysen oudot päivärahat , Suomenkuvalehti.fi, April 23, 2007
4. ↑ Kristensen, Gustav N. 2010. Born into a Dream. EuroFaculty and the Council of the Baltic Sea States. Berliner Wissentshafts-Verlag.
5. ↑ Former Estonian PM criticises Finnish leaders' actions during independence process, Helsingin Sanomat, January 18, 2005
6. ↑ Väyrynen on Suomelle poliittinen riski, Kauppalehti, May 4, 2009
7. ↑ Ulkomaankauppa- ja kehitysministeri Paavo Väyrysen kirjoitus Helsingin Sanomissa 12. lokakuuta, Paavo Väyrynen, Ulkoasiainministeriö, 13 October 2011
8. ↑ Väyrynen ja Stubb - näkemykset ristiriidassa, Uusi Suomi, October 12, 2011
9. ↑ Väyrynen: Markka takaisin euron rinnalle, Finnish Broadcasting Company, 3 December 2011
10. ↑ Koko maa, Ministry of Justice, 22 January 2012
11. ↑ Juha Sipilä keskustan johtoon, Helsingin Sanomat, 9 June 2012
12. ↑ Europarlamenttivaalit 2014: Valitut ehdokkaat, Ministry of Justice, 30 May 2014
13. ↑ Eduskuntavaalit 2015: Valitut ehdokkaat, Ministry of Justice, 22 April 2015
14. ↑ Väyrynen haluaa vapautusta eduskuntatyöstä, Yle, 22 April 2014
15. ↑ Former centrist leader suggests referendum on single currency, Shanghai Daily, 20 July 2015
16. ↑ Väyrynen pettyi liberaaliin puoluejohtoon ja jättäytyy puolueen hallinnosta – "En aio puuttua puolueen asioihin", Helsingin Sanomat, 25 January 2016
17. ↑ Paavo Väyrynen perustaa uuden puolueen, Ilta-sanomat, 4 February 2016
18. ↑ Väyrysen Kansalaispuolue pääsi puoluerekisteriin, Yle, 15 December 2016
19. ↑ Keminmaan keskusta tulkitsee: Väyrynen on eronnut keskustasta, Yle Uutiset
20. ↑ Väyrynen lähtee ehdolle kuntavaaleihin Helsingissä, Yle Uutiset, 17 February 2017
21. ↑ Valitut: Helsinki, Ministry of Justice, 13 April 2017
22. ↑ Paavo Väyrynen neljättä kertaa presidenttiehdokkaana – jos löytyy riittävästi kannatusta, Yle, 15 July 2017
23. ↑ Keskustan jäsen Paavo Väyrynen sai kasaan presidenttiehdokkuuteen vaadittavat 20 000 kannattajakorttia – Vanhanen: ”Hän on kilpailevan puolueen ehdokas”, Helsingin Sanomat, 5 December 2017
24. ↑ Väyrynen "äärimmäisen tyytyväinen" omaan tulokseensa – "Keväällä tulen ilahduttamaan Suomen kansaa sillä, että palaan eduskuntaan", Yle, 28 January 2018
25. ↑ Paavo Väyrynen pyrkii keskustan puheenjohtajaksi – havittelee perussuomalaisten ja sinisten äänestäjiä keskustan taakse, Helsingin Sanomat, 1 February 2018
26. ↑ Paavo Väyrynen aikoo hakea keskustan puheenjohtajaksi, Yle, 1 February 2018
27. ↑ Kansalaispuolue ilmoittaa erottaneensa Paavo Väyrysen puolueesta, Helsingin Sanomat, 3 March 2018
28. ↑ Väyrysen persoona herättää ristiriitaisia tunteita lähipiirissäkin, Yle Uutiset, 30.9.2013
29. ↑ Paavo Väyrynen on Niilopedia