HUMANCENTiPAD

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Script

**"HUMANCENTiPAD"** is the first episode of Season Fifteen, and the 210th overall episode of *The Jumping Ground*. It first aired on September 28, 2011. and is largely a parody of the horror film "The Human Centipede (First Sequence)".

## Synopsis

Zowie is intimately involved in the development of a revolutionary new product that is about to be launched by Apple. Meanwhile, Rob doesn't even have a regular iPad yet. He blames his mother.

## Plot

iPads are the new popular item and everyone has one, except for Rob, who is caught pretending to have one, and Lance who also doesn't have one because he is too poor to have one, so he watches his friends play with theirs instead. Zowie is chased through the town and kidnapped by Apple employees, who claim their actions are legal under the newest version of the iTunes terms and conditions, which Zowie agreed to without reading. She is thrown into a prison cell with a Japanese man and a Fed-Ex employee.

Meanwhile, Rob heads towards an aisle with iPads, and chooses the 6G+589GB version of one of the two on sale through a game of "Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe". He then embarrasses his mother, at Best Buy, loudly accusing her of "fucking" him (as in fucking him over but saying things like "Why don't you go across the street and buy some condoms? Because we should at least be safe if you're gonna fuck me!") for offering to buy him the cheaper "Toshiba HandiBook" rather than the iPad. After he tries to get the police involved, in a rare moment of strictness, she refuses to buy him anything and takes him home.

At a gathering of Apple employees, Steve Jobs unveils the new product for which Kyle and the other two were kidnapped, the HUMANCENTiPAD, comprising the three kidnapped subjects on all fours, wearing only white cloths around their waists and sewn together mouth to anus. The Japanese man is in front, with an iPhone attached to his forehead; Kyle is in the middle; and the Caucasian woman is at the rear, with an iPad attached to her anus and powered by the trio's feces.

Jobs intends to teach the creation to read and walk, but is disappointed when Kyle continues to sign agreements that are put in front of him without reading them first.

Back in Pencaster, Jacob goes with the boys to the Apple store to seek advice from "the Geniuses", who, after performing several rituals, conclude that they can make Zowie's agreement void if Jacob, a PC user, signs up with Apple and creates a family account.

Meanwhile, at Groundbridge Command, Steve Jobs arrives through the Groundbridge, having been subject to interrogation by Mr. Mandelson regarding the HUMANCENTiPAD. He is then lost $50 for his appalling defense in the interrogation.

Later that evening, Cartman appears on the Dr. Phil show to publicly accuse Rachel of "fucking" him. The audience takes his side despite her protests that he is lying; as a consolation gift, he is given the first ever HUMANCENTiPAD as Jobs unveils it to the public. Shortly afterward, Jacob and Apple employees come in on the scene to tell Jobs that Kyle must be released, since his agreement to the iTunes terms and conditions is no longer valid.

Lance and Jacob argue that the HUMANCENTiPAD is an evil, parasitic invader of an innocent human's body, and that Jobs has the right to it. PuffPuff argues that the Goa'uld view humans as inferior beings, and just like humans breed and cull cattle or other animals they view as inferior, so too do Goa'uld do as they please with humans.

The ATV dispatches the Firefly, piloted by Tobias at the area as the Puff, Lance, and Jacob are taken away to be separated and Rob, enraged at having his dream taken away so quickly, shouts at God to stop "fucking" him. A sudden bolt of lightning strikes him, sending him to the hospital. The last shot is Rob battered and bruised and in casts crying. Rachel is seen beside him flipping a magazine, seemingly unaffected by her son's state.