Charlie Parsnip

*People see you coming up, like, the altar boys and stuff, and they go and get the priest, and that's Charlie Parsnip.*

## History

Little is known of Charlie Parsnip's history prior to his meeting with Gadai, McKenzie  and Plank. He has lived in Nippenbiddy for at least thirty years, as he remembers a time before the opening of The Barneydome, and is now a member of the council that runs the town. He is the priest of the town's church, which is dedicated to the deity The Great Lord Cuddlepie.

He has a teenaged son who is open about his parentage among the town, indicating that either the followers of Lord Cuddlepie do not have an expectation of chastity for priests, or that the rules of the religion are being broken in the town due to the power of the council.

## Characteristics

Charlie Parsnip appears to be a self-satisfied and complacent individual, overly familiar with strangers and happy to initiate uncomfortable amounts of physical contact. He has a plummy voice and oily attitude, and appears to believe that he can easily charm, manipulate or influence people. This is likely due to his time on the Nippenbiddy Council and the power that it has given him over people, as well as possibly his religious power within the town.

While he initially appears to be a coward in the face of physical intimidation by the slight and martially untrained McKenzie, he continues to withhold information from her even while she is threatening him. He is careful in his choice of words to not lie to her, and is the one who reveals that the high birth rate in Nippenbiddy is about having children and not as a side-effect of sexual drive (as Figgy Wiggins suggests), but gives this away when he says that he is telling all that he is "comfortable with".

## Episodes

### Episode 10: Beyond Barneydome Part 1

Charlie Parsnip is mentioned by Wenzo as one of the individuals who might be able to help Channing Taters, Gadai, McKenzie and Plank in clearing Channing's name after he has been accused of murder.

### Episode 11: Beyond Barneydome Part 2

Wally Parsnip, after surrending in a fight to Channing Taters and Plank, tells them that he was sent by his father Charlie Parsnip to stop them from investigating further. Plank advises Gadai and McKenzie to talk to Parsnip at his church.
Charlie Parsnip is fetched by altar servers as Gadai and McKenzie enter the building. When McKenzie asks to speak to them privately, Charlie Parsnip invites them all to squeeze into the same side of one confessional booth before he will talk to them.

McKenzie takes the lead in asking him about the history of the town, and Charlie Parsnip tells them that babies have been going missing for over a generation now. He talks about his deity, The Great Lord Cuddlepie, and expresses confusion as to why McKenzie and Gadai are asking so many questions. Eventually, McKenzie pins Charlie Parsnip to the wall and threatens him, but he only repeats that children have been going missing for about thirty years, that people keep having more children to replace the ones that have been lost, and adds that they should talk to Reg the Wedge.

When McKenzie accuses him of not telling her everything, he says that he is telling her everything he is comfortable with saying, and she presses for more information. He gives nothing extra. McKenzie and Gadai leave, with McKenzie making one final threat to emasculate him if she discovers he has been withholding information.

Out of sight of the main party, Charlie Parsnip is fetched by Figgy Wiggins and bought across town. Figgy Wiggins publicly accuses Charlie Parsnip and Zantasia the merchant of working together to hide something with illusion magic under the church. Charlie Parsnip is not seen again.

## Appearances

* Episode 10: Beyond Barneydome Part 1
* Episode 11: Beyond Barneydome Part 2

## Quotes

* "Ah, okay, yes, well, I've got a lot of confessional booths. Shall we all cram into a confessional booth? It'll be like a little party, won't it. The three of us all there in a little booth, talking about our deepest darkest sins. Come on, let's go in there. I'll go first, come on, in we go. You too, don't be shy. This little one won't take up much room, come on in. You can just tuck under my arm there. Let's go, alright. And what about you, there? Come on, come and sit on my lap. Tell me what's wrong." - Episode 11: Beyond Barneydome Part 2
* "I'm telling you... everything I'm comfortable with." - Episode 11: Beyond Barneydome Part 2

## Trivia

* At one point, Charlie Parsnip is accidentally called Charlie Parsons. Parsnip does not appear to be a reference to British television executive (and creator of programmes such as Survivor and Big Brother) Charles "Charlie" Andrew Parsons, but the cutthroat nature of the programmes for which Parsons is most famous may be a fortuitous comparison.