Barcelona 2018

2018 was the year the warriors embarked on yet another annual abroad adventure, to, "...where were we? Barcelona!".

DAY 1

The outbound flight was much smoother in comparison to previous trips, a good night's sleep and off to meet at the Liverpool Street Stn for noon. Upon hearing Zain had to quickly dash to meet a friend and possibly pick up a pair of ankle socks, James entered the lobby on a flight of stairs. Standing patiently in his 'white guy going on holiday Hawaiian shirt', like the scene of Jack and Rose on the staircase in Titanic, James met eyes with Raphael by the ticket machine. Exchanges of joy were shared during the wait for Zains return. James spotted two teen daughters, one of whom was wearing a very low cut pair of shorts which made the pair feel as if they should usually have to pay for the view. Unsure of how old exactly, yet convinced she was 18+, she was cute and it would turn out to not be the last time they all would cross paths.

**Shithead**

An excellent card game that the warriors continue to play in order to pass the time during train and plane journeys. The game would even lead to a brief conflict in the group which you can read about later on in this article.

**Airport Security**

The exact chronology events have been lost to the winds of history, with only select memories now occupying the Nostalgia Dimension.

**The AirBnB**

As per usual holiday routine, James had found a well located and well reviewed accommodation for the Warriors. Despite these positive initial steps, James' paranoia had kicked in as he expected to find the address was in fact an industrial wasteland. Much to their pleasure, it was in fact a fully facilitated apartment that was hosted by a friendly old Spanish lady who spoke not a single word of English. James had boosted his Spanish speaking skills to the warriors on the plane journey, yet faced with the reality of communicating in a foreign language, he stuttered and stared... clueless. In the end, it was Zain who came to the warriors aid and translated her words based on tone beautifully.

**Pizzeria Saviour**

The Unicorn Warriors had been met with a somewhat unexpected obstacle to their holidaying enjoyment - the price and range of food available. Unlike their previous adventures in Amsterdam and Berlin, Barcelona had a distinct lack of respect for the Warriors tastes - and most importantly - wallets. KFC had been an initial respite from the onslaught of overpriced tapas, but it didn't prove appealing as a universal substitute to regular meals.

Enter the Pizzeria.

It was practically opposite the Warriors apartment and provided high-quality pizza for great value. This bussiness served as a vital artery for the continued sustinence and mental health of all three Warriors. It became a fixture throughout each day. A snack, a lunch, a dinner. You name it. Despite travelling to Spain, it was the sweet comforts of Italy that kept spirits alive and taste buds firing.

**Chicken of Death**

As mentioned previously, the food scenario was an unfortunate aspect of the holiday. Despite acknowledging this, the Warriors were still determined to have a Spanish food experience in the realms of authenticity. So, the Warriors began an intrepid escapade through the heart of the city. After viewing many a restaruants menu (complete with over-enthusiastic promotional staff) the Warriors finally settled on a promising looking tapas/buffet establishment. Roomy, good value and a big range of delicacies to sample, the Warriors were enamoured and sat down with massive glasses of beer. All was well. The food was pleasant, albeit unspectacular and it was a relatively nice place to relax. But, danger quickly arrived. James and Raphael, happily munching on a chicken dish noticed it was red raw in the middle - absolutely startled at the revelation, appetites dwindled. Even Raphael, who typically had the stomach of a bison, was disgusted and put-off. The Warriors contemplated informing the staff, but to no avail. They just hurriedly walked away from the scene of the culinary crime. Their collective silence could have condemned many tourists to food poisoning or even death.

**Kiyani's World Cup Meltdown**

The atmosphere was at a fever-pitch, England were in the semi-finals of the World Cup. The most successful the national team had been in the Warriors lifetimes. They found a bar, absolutely rammed with fellow Englishmen to hopefully witness England beat the Croats. England scored first, causing an eruption of elation across the bar, but the positivity was short-lived and the mood became increasingly dour. It wasn't to be for England as they crashed out of the World Cup. The Warriors were all disappointed at the result, but one took it a bit harder than the rest. Raphael was despondent and drowning his sorrows with as much alcohol as he could drink. Raphael became both saddened and enraged by James's nonchalant attitude to the England defeat. Turning into some sort of petulant donkey.

Finally, it was time to go, after many hours drinking. Raphael's stomach began to growl with a ferocious intensity. It dawned on him that he hadn't eaten anything all day. He stumbled into a supermarket and bought a large bag of Lays. A dinner of crisps. It was in that moment he was glad his parents weren't there to see him. Raphael grew slower and devolved into a sluggish caveman-esque persona. He couldn't see adequately, only seeing blurs. Despite being aware he was swaying about like a hoisted flag, Raphael couldn't help but do so. Once back in the apartment, he confidently slammed onto his bed only to be met by a thunderous cascade of vomit. He kept it in his mouth and rushed to the toilet to dispose of the virulent concoction of booze and crisps. He passed out in the he toilet and awoke only momentarily to the knocking of a guest or the owner of the AirBnB to use the toilet. In the typical fashion of a drunk, Briton in the face of good etiquette, rather than vacate the toilet, Raphael would knock on the door in return whilst still slobbering over the toilet seat. Later that night, Raphael finally made his way out to sleep on his bed. Ironically, he was the first to wake up with practically no hangover from the turbulent evening. As James awoke from his slumber and long evening shepherding Raphael, he was met with a sight that screamed piss-take to the entire city. Raphael, upright and smiling cockily retorted "you were a bit drunk last night weren't you?". Somehow Raphael managed to conclude his meltdown by annoying James in the most smug way possible.

**Mr. Northern**

**(for James to edit)**

**How much!?**

During a walk in an elevated area of the city, the Warriors came upon a cable car that would presumably give them a glorious scenic tour down to the city centre. Raphael was immediatly sceptical. The food situation had turned him into an ardent cheapskate and afterall, he thought a walk would be more pleasant. Regardless, the Warriors agreed to check the prices. Raphael firmly rejected it and thought it to be a rip-off of monumental proportions. James and Zain, the pro-cablecar members reluctantly abstained as it wouldn't be the same without the three of them. A five minute walk later we found the end of the cablecar line. "Surely not?" the three of the them decried. Turns out it wasn't a route to the the city, it was a glorified lift to the the closest hill. Disgusted and shocked in equal measure, both James and Zain thanked Raphael for his frugleness.

**Zain Becomes Geographer For An Evening**

Tired, slightly drunk and desperate to be back in the apartment, Zain was charged with leading the Warriors home using the ever reliable Google Maps. Or was it? In an astonishing act of bastardisation, Zain rendered the reliable into a sadistic maze. Walking up blocks and blocks further than we should have done and going down incorrect roads - the Warriors wasted time and much needed energy. They eventually got back to their apartment, but it was safe to say Zain wasn't going to follow James's career in geography any time soon.

**The Catalonia Meme**

The struggle for Catalan independence erupted in late 2017 and Raphael had a keen interest in the history and politics of the region. So coming to an area of a nation vying for separation fascinated him and he found it gratifying to see the flag of Catalonia flying everywhere. During his numerous bouts of photo taking, James and Zain began to take note of a weird fixation that Raphael has seemingly developed. It seemed whenever a Catalan flag was in sight, he'd inevitablely take a quick snapshot. This evolved into a meme with James and Zain pointing out flags sarcastically, instructing Raphael to take a photo whenever the flag appeared.

**French Girls From Heaven**

When the Warriors first arrived in the apartment,  they were the only guests. One day, unbeknownst to them, a group of beautiful French girls occupied the room down the hall. In the morning Raphael confidently swung into the bathroom to be met by a French girl in her underwear. He profusely apologised, but the girl was completely fine saying "it's no problem" - perhaps exhibiting the typical European attitude towards nudity. Raphael rushed back into his room to breathlessly inform the Warriors they were now living with bunch of alluring ladies. Later the Warriors even discovered a cute note in their room from them. They discussed knocking on their door to say hello, or leave a note ourselves. In the end the Warriors never did, much to the ire of Raphael who seemed to be the most enthusiastic. Even Raphael confessed it probably wasn't worth it as we had things to do.

**The Andorra Conundrum**

In the planning of the trip, the Warriors all agreed on an excursion to neighbouring country Andorra. We all held this view even when we were in Barcelona, all three of us setting aside a day for the trip. But, planning for this was piss-poor and as James cogently pointend out - it could land us in a lot of trouble. Raphael eventually conceded to this view. However, Zain became deflated and was committed to the adventure. He constantly invoked the name of Andorra, perhaps in a bid to subconsciously alter our view. He admirably debated with James that it was indeed possible for us to visit without landing in any danger. In the end we all agreed it was off. But, the next morning Zain shotup and  looked at Raphael with an enthusiastic smile and wide eyes. His only words were: "So, Andorra?". Even then Zain was holding out hope. He never let go of his Andorran dream in the face of scepticism.

**Flirtation Station**

**(James to edit)**

**Beach Bonanza**

**(James to edit)**

**The Train Argument**

**(James to edit)**