The Marone Mongoose

**Episode Description:** Mee and PinkFrosting88 break into the Captain's Club to steal something. What is that something? Well, I'm sure we'll find out someday.

## Transcript

*(it's super-pitch black in the Captain's club; enter PF88 and Mee (only their pearly-white eyes can be seen)*

**Pinkfrosting88:** Well, maybe we should have brought night-vision goggles.

**MEE:** No way! They mess up my hair. Let's just turn on the light.

**Pinkfrosting88:** No way! We'll get caught!

**MEE:** Well, if anyone walks in here, it's not like we'll be able to see 'em coming, will we?

**Pinkfrosting88:** *Of course* we will! If any idiot walks in, we'll see their pearly-white eyes glowing in the dark!

*(Space Tree turns on the light; Mee had the trumpet for some reason; he drops it and covers PF88's mouth)*

**MEE:** *(whispering)* Don't move. He can't see us if we don't move...

**SPACE TREE:** ...The hell are you two doing here?

**MEE:** Damn it, I told you not to move!

**Pinkfrosting88:** I didn't! *(knocking Mee off)* He's not a friggin' T-Rex! It's just Space Tree!

**MEE:** Oh, yeah. What are you doing here?

**SPACE TREE:** Well, *(clicks mouth)*, I own this place now.

**Pinkfrosting88:** Well, what happened to that *freak* who used to run this place?

**MEE:** Yeah, that friggin' two-headed freak?

**Pinkfrosting88:** That guy was a \*\*\*\*in' freak. (One of her tentacles drips fluid)

**SPACE TREE:** Well, first of all, I think it's technically two guys and-

*(enter Professor Clerman with tray of drinks, wearing Allon's hat, on super roller skates)*

**CLERMAN:** Good evening, patrons, and welcome to the Captain's Club. Would any of you care for a complimentary beverage?

**SPACE TREE:** Complimentary? Hey, those are coming out of your paycheck, Clerman.

**MEE:** Clerman? Hey, yeah! Aren't you one of the Clerman Clones?

**CLERMAN:** No, I'm- I'm Allon. The green kid. Look at the freaking hat. *(he angrily tosses away his tray of drinks)*

**MEE:** Seriously? You're supposed to be him? Come on, only a complete and total idiot would believe that.

*(enter Commander)*

**COMMANDER:** Hey, there, Allon! What's goin' on, pal?

*(he punches Clerman off the screen)*

*(rimshot)*

**COMMANDER:** Pinkfrosting88? Mee? What are you two doing here? Is this an intervention?

**Pinkfrosting88:** Yes, you have a problem, Commander. You're a total moron.

**SPACE TREE:** No, I think that they're here to rob the place or something.

**MEE:** Oh, come on, Space Tree. Would I really steal from my oldest and closest friend?

**SPACE TREE:** Only, like, once a month.

**COMMANDER:** Wait a minute, you two were robbing this place *together*?

**MEE:** Oh, you didn't hear? Well, Pinkfrosting and I got married about a month ago.

**Pinkfrosting88:** No, we didn't! Stop telling people that!

**MEE:** OK, fine. We got "engaged".

**Pinkfrosting88:** No, we didn't.

**MEE:** She doesn't know what she's saying. *(whispering to Commander)* She's having her period. *(Commander nods knowingly)*

**Pinkfrosting88:** Oh my God, just shut up!

**SPACE TREE:** How bout *everyone* shuts up?! *(throughout his speech, Commander does the "hand-mock" thing)* I was in the middle of eating a delicious cardboard sandwich when you two broke in here! Now, I've lost a lot of money this past week, and I'm not letting you steal any more of it, so why don't you both make like a tree and leave!?

**COMMANDER:** Now hold a second, Space Tree. Who knows what they've already stolen? I say we search them both. *(to PF88)* I better strip-search this one. *(mouth-clicks several times)* Wink.

**SPACE TREE:** No, it's all right. They've just been out here the whole time. They couldnt've stolen anything.

**Pinkfrosting88:** He's right, you know. *We* couldn't have stolen anything.

**MEE:** That is correct, isn't it? We certainly couldn't have.

*(dramatic music plays in the background as both Mee and PF88 whip out walkie-talkies and yell into them)*

**MEE:** Come in, Palindromio, this is the Marone Mongoose! Do you copy?!

**Pinkfrosting88:** Breaker breaker, this is PF88, report to Sector A at once and bring the "prize"-over!

*(the music ends, walkie-talkies are gone)*

**SPACE TREE:** What the hell was that?

**MEE:** Oh, we were just calling our legally adopted henchman. We use him to obtain objects from tight spaces that fat people like Pinkfrosting88 can't get into. *(she glares)*

*(enter Allon, with a package)*

**ALLON:** Here you go! I managed to get the thing without even losing a limb, too!

**MEE:** Thanks a bunch, my green hermano!

**SPACE TREE:** Hey, I don't know what that box is, but you can't have it!

**MEE:** Wait, aren't you gonna say something like, "Oh my God, it's the green kid!", or something?

**SPACE TREE:** No, I don't care about him. *(Allon frowns)*

**COMMANDER:** Wait a minute, if he's Allon *(points to real Allon)*, and *he's* Allon *(points to unconscious Clerman)*, have I crossed over into some kind of crazy, parallel, double-Allon universe?! NOOOOOOOOOO!!! *(he leaps through the window of the club into Space)*

**MEE:** Yeah, that's more like it.

**SPACE TREE:** So, anyway, like I was saying, you cannot leave with that box!

*(some droid rolls up; Space Tree pushes a button on it, closing the door to The Only Exit)*

**MEE:** Oh my God, he locked the doors on us!

**Pinkfrosting88:** Oh my God, no, what're we gonna do now?!

**MEE:** I don't know! We're done for!

**Pinkfrosting88:** Jesus, we're gonna \*\*\*\*in' die here! Oh my God!

**MEE:** Quick, Allon, did you bring the emergency suicide pills?!

**ALLON:** *(nervous)* ... What the hell are you two talking about?

**MEE:** All right, he ruined it. Let's go. *(Mee creates a portal, he and PF88 leave)*

**ALLON:** ... Oh, yeah! Now I get it! *(leaves too)*

**MEE:** *(to ST, leaning back through the portal)* And if anyone axes who robbed you, just say it was the greatest crime trio in all of the land! ... We don't have a name yet, but we'll think of one soon and get back to you. *(the portal closes)*

*(the Commander walks back in with cuts on his face)*

**COMMANDER:** Well, Space Tree, it just goes to show ya! Jumping through glass windows really, really hurts!

**SPACE TREE:** Then why do you do it every day?

**COMMANDER:** Because I needed the eggs!

*(roll cheap laugh track; freeze-frame)*

*(roll fast end credits with dramatic music)*

## References

* The Commander's "intervention" line is a reference to the Bonus Stage episode "Fibbing", which Space Tree and the Commander guest-starred in.