Adams Testament (GAM265)

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***Adams Testament*** is the story of Satan, the Prince of Darkness, going down and Georgia looking for a soul to steal, but he finds the world's least talented musician possible. And also, Satan is just super bad at guitar too, so the whole plan just ends up being a big struggle? Remember that Will Farrell sketch? They literally make that sketch into a movie by accident, and I could not stop laughing at it.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because they refuse to stop making 'em.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you love the gritty modern cowboy stories of late 2010s television, but the only place you have to shoot is your Catholic church, its graveyard, and the alley next to your Italian restaurant, you will *love* this movie. It's *Not at All True Detective*.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: ...understanding of what guitars are. [And bugles, singing, and sounds in general—that's just the sound of the movie.]
* Noah: ...vanishing plot points. [He murdered that guy, anyway…]
* Eli: ...moral high ground. [An unrepentant murderer's quest to make his son more Christian.]

### **Notes**

* The name of the film is, for some reason, not *Adam's Testament*. Presumably they initially forgot about apostrophes and just decided to run with it.
* Watched on PureFlix, and David A.R. White, founder of PureFlix, is getting divorced. Strangely, atheists Eli Bosnick and Noah Lugeons remain happily married.
* Hell is run by Satan, Heaven is run by God, and Purgatory is run by Medium Jeff (he's meh).

### **Jokes**

* [Noah: So, I wanna give the audience the same warning about how bad the writing was going to be in this piece-of-shit movie that PureFlix gave us. Here is the description of the film, verbatim: "Adam, a young musician, had the perfect life." I have no idea what part of the movie they're talking about there. "Until one day everything changed." Also, I have no idea what day that would be. "His father continues on a relentless path to save his soul as angels and demons are disguised as humans."] [Heath: "Also, we have fun costumes... in our movie."] [Noah: "Also, there's outfits—there's lovely little outfits." And it concludes: "This ancient spiritual war between good and evil will test their faith.] [Eli: "Good job writing the movie summary, Grandpa! Let's get you back to the Alzheimer's ward, huh? You'll connect those thoughts one of these days."] (4:20)
* Microphone Neck Tattoo (14:25)

### **Interstitials**

* First Writer's Meeting (8:00)
* Satan Naming His Nightclub (10:53) [Doodly-Doo]
* Two Atheists on a Date (32:21)
* Lanolin, the Seductress (1:04:55)

### **Tropes**

* Alcohol= Bad Guy
* Atheist Converts to Christianity
* Cancer Wife/God Killed My Mom/Evil Stole My Faith
* Computers/Technology is Evil [Electric guitars]
* GO FUCK YOURSELF!
* Heroes are Villains, Villains are Heroes
* Jingly Keys!
* Success Is Bad
* The Most Advanced C64 Ever! [Payphone]

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Film on YouTube
* IMDB

### **Ad Reads**

* ForHims.com: Making my Own Finesteroid (1:30:06)
* My Sheets Rock: Tony D's House of Other Sheets (1:31:58)
* Adam and Eve: You Don't Have to Sell Your Soul for 50% Off (1:33:33)