The Roast of Mikey

*The Roast of Mikey* is the title of the third episode of the third season of The Numen Swell and the twenty seventh session of the entire game.

This session was played on November 25th, 2018

## The Roast of Mikey

### Writer

Jonny Christie, Matt Christie, Richie Maynard, Kyle Muller

## Synopsis

Mikey is awoken by a loud knock on his door. It is Gregory. He informs the shipwright that there’s a puncture under the hull. He attempts to fix it from the inside but he needs to go under. They don’t have enough time to beach it so he decides to dive under and fix it underwater. He is successful but his shirt gets caught on something. He begins to fade. Mikey is awoken by a loud knock on his door. It is Sonney. He is not even concerned by his old friend being there and is clearly dreaming but can’t figure it out. Sonney tells him they’re going to be late. He joins him in the main hall and can hear chanting in the main bar. Charlee begins to announce the Deus. Ardyn, Mint, Mwana, Gregory, Dex, Sonney, Tecnic, and Roastmaster Thomas. Mikey peeks in and finds a massive crowd and a stage built up in the front. Thomas steps up to the podium and begins roasting the other people on stage. Mikey has no idea what is happening. He attempts to sneak out as they pull out the canvas’ of Mikey’s life. A lot of good memories and sad moments. Mikey is stopped in his tracks by the visuals. He is then called on stage. He sits in the “throne” that is eerily similar to the Saint’s chair from the pirate lord meeting. Thomas begins roasting the boy. It doesn’t click too well but it’s enough to get the crowd rowdy. The first roaster is “not the onion kid, but the Onion man” Dex. The rigger gets up and begins his roast. He makes a lot of puns and it kills with the crowd. Mikey is legit upset with the verbal assault on him and he even attempts to fight Dex once he brings up Meshi. Thomas calms him down and they move on. The second roaster is “The perfect shipwright” Ardyn. He spends a majority of it bashing Mikey’s building abilities. He ends it by admitting that Mikey has so much heart for the craft and tons of potential before sitting back down. Mikey is still uncomfortable but he’s starting to understand that it’s jokes. The third roaster is “The real champ and MVP” Gregory. To the crowd and the deus he is crushing it. To Mikey he is telling directly that he is in a coma and he needs to pay close attention to this and enjoy it because everything is going to go to shit once he wakes up. The crowd is chanting Gregory as he sits back down and Mikey is shaken but he finds his composure as they go to “commercial break”.

Charlee welcomes everyone back and Thomas steps up to introduce the next roaster. The fourth roaster is “Not the gayest guy up here” Mwana. Only it’s not Mwana, it’s Peter Scanlan, the actor that portrays Mwana. He spends the entire set breaking the fourth wall until he goes into character for a moment. He says he has to read a letter from Kifo who could not attend. It’s heartfelt and hilarious. He has all of the voices in his head say something, most are skipped. Peter sits down and begins his descent into drugs. The crowd is confused but having fun so they applaud. Thomas lets the crowd simmer for a second before introducing the next roaster. The fifth roaster is “The least popular guy, after Mikey” Mint. He bombs. Hard. It re-sparks the “Fuck the Navy” shanty. He ends his set by offering Mikey the job as Vice Admiral for when the pirates all go extinct. Mikey starts singing the shanty and the admiral sits down in embarrassment and defeat. During the set Peter left the stage to get dressed. Thomas calls for another break but first, performing his hit single “Treacherous Waters”, Ross Grimm. It’s powerful and awe-inspiring.

Charlee welcomes everyone back and Thomas steps back up. He mentions Sahge was supposed to be there but Peter returns dressed as the Sahuagin. He then acts like Sahge roasting Mikey. It’s awkward but accurate and weirdly specific. The crowd has mixed feeling about it. Peter leaves again to change. Thomas steps up yet again. He introduces the next roaster. The seventh roaster is “dead as fuck, dead as fuck” Unfading Ben. He does a decent job hitting the sour notes of everyone on stage before giving a wonderful homage to Mikey and thanking him for sticking with him all these summits. Thomas then introduces the next roaster. The eight roaster is “My monkey, not yours” Sonney. He steps up and is VERY intoxicated. He then drops a sick rap. No one expects it but it’s awesome. He stumbles back to his seat as Thomas introduces special surprise guests. Borrowed from the Chain room, Meshi and Rika. He’s SO excited but then he wakes up. He begins to scream to “put him back” so Gregory punches him in the face. He reappears on stage as they are already done and left the room. He’s very emotional to say the least but it’s now his turn to speak. He holds back the tears as he begins to talk. He’s not truly prepared for it but he tries. He then begins to tell everyone who he is and rapid fires on the crowd. He thanks everyone and ends on his most famous quote “Pickles and Shit”. Mikey then wakes up again. He is now very suspicious of Gregory but thanks him for the dream. That confuses the helmsman but he doesn’t disagree. Mikey then jumps up and hums the song to Ross Grimm to play as they prep to leave for the trade. He’s ready but concerned that what Gregory said at his roast will start now.

## Cast

### Main

* Benjamin Tecnic
* Sonney Griffin-Thorne
* Mikey
* Sahge Montgomery
* Dex
* Mwana Pomboo
* Quincy Mint

### Supporting

* Thomas Dawkins
* Hawk
* Madame Temer
* Gregory
* Ross Grimm
* Ardyn
* Charlee Bukett

## Trivia

* Matt Finger did not appear this session.
* Although this was meant to feel like a "filler" episode and have no real impact on the story, the conversation between Mikey and Gregory sets up a recurring theme beyond this point.
* This session promotes a fake "actor" that portrays Mwana Pomboo in the "television show", Peter Scanlan. This was a decision made by Kyle Muller that help shed light on what goes on beyond the fourth wall.
* A spoof on the Comedy Central Roasts.