The Trump Vs. Hillary Saga

Oh, of course. Whenever you talk about Trump or Hillary, everyone thinks of the great great battle between the two political giants.... Well, they're definitely not giants, but the battle they had though, now that was giant. There's quite a lot that went down, but oh, don't you worry! This page has everything you'd possibly want to know (and didn't want to know) about this monumentally stupid set of events. Now, let us begin...

It all started back on that fateful day.... Whoever was spending time in the White House, sweeping with dere wittle bwanket, would finally be kicked out to fend themselves from a world of normal people. Would this new president be any better than the last one? We can only wait to find out. But more importantly, who could it be this time? Well if YOU started to get ready, YOU could've become president too. But I digress. Now it was finally time. U.S citizens around the world were getting ready for the big day. Regardless of age, sex, race, or intelligence, it really seemed like anybody could be president. Now, there were TONS of candidates, I'll tell you that. Some say even a 4-year old was running. But out of all the unsuccessful nobodies, there were two specific ones the reshaped the world as we know it. These two significant outliers left a crater in political history. Want to know who they were? If you somehow missed the title, just read on...

## The Beginning

Trump turned off the TV. He was ecstatic. Could this finally be Trump's time to shine in the spotlight? Well if he's prepared, it sure could be. So he was off; practically no time was wasted for the big event. After being raised by a bunch of anthropomorphic alligators, eating nails and frozen waffles for lunch, Trump could finally succeed for once... his parents would be so proud if they were still here. With a semi-neatly crafted suit, a refreshing glass of camel pee, and 20 tons of self-confidence, Trump set out to change his life and the U.S.A forever.

Far, far away, not galaxy far, but sill far away... another opponent was doing the same thing. Hillary stared at the hostage situation at the gas station outside her window, smiling, holding her 'I'm dusty but not crusty' mug. Finally, she had a chance to make history. She could bomb any country over petty reasons or annihilate the economy over the lack of melatonin-laced peppers. Almost anything was possible as president - So she got to work. Feeling excitement about the day ahead, she put on her 67th favorite pair of shoes, ate her diamond necklace, and set out to change her life, and the U.S.A forever.

## The Campaigns Roll In

Now, how exactly are you supposed to get people to support your run for president? Could you just buy it? Well, if you were a trillionaire, probably, but that isn't the point. Trump had his preschool-crayons scattered all over the floor. His TV had "Lo-fi beats to eat poop to" playing on loop. His own sweat was used as a drink. What the hell was Trump doing you may wonder? Creating a neat little poster for himself of course. That's how you get people interested. Trump thought his hands would fall off, he was coloring so hard. He thought it looked like the Mona Lisa... well he thought it to be better than the Mona Lisa actually. Trump was exhausted but he finally set the crayons down and fell on his back. Tough times I tell ya, but if the time and effort weren't put in, there's no way Trump could stand a chance.

In some rusty rotten tin can, in the middle of nowhere, there was Hillary, who was closely and meticulously examining the poster that she made. Now, Hillary isn't the best at arts and crafts, or anything at all, so its true quality was debatable. You may insult it, whilst Hillary is thinking "Now, should I add more glue globs or less magazine cut-outs of Gordon Ramsay folded to make it look like his mouth is where his nose is?" Truly the words of a real artiste.

You may wonder about all the other failures of campaigns. What about them? Well none of them are at all interesting enough for me to cover here; though that Burger King bomb explosion was pretty weird. Now where was I? Trump was running down the street. He pushed through people and knocked over a food stand for the homeless because his situation was much more important. One place presidential candidates could promote their run was to use the Washington D.C's famous City Bulletin Board. There people could hang up almost anything they wanted, though that led to the board needing constant surveillance. This is mainly where the candidates would hang up their garbage preschool flyers, including Trump and Hillary themselves.