Fake TPOT 23: Alphabet Two-p

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"**Alphabet Two-p**" is the non-canon twenty-third episode of *TPOT* by Jacknjellify. It was released on 11 November 1980. This episode is only headcanon to me, that is, until the real TPOT 2 comes out, after which it splits from the rest of the series to become an alternate universe.

Previous episode: "Shadows... in the Light"

Next episode: "It Was a Very Good Year"

## Cold open

### **EXIT**

**Scene**We pick up where we left off in the last episode: **Stapy** has opened the EXIT's front door and is waiting for Liy to return from her interdimensional journey. He senses that she is nearby, as he has started a countdown, but she's running late.
* **St****a****py**: Zero, –1, –2, –3, –4, –5, –6—
* **P****e****nci****l**: Stapy, what the Hades are you doing?
* **St****a****py**: Counting down.
* **Ma****tch**: But, like, why go after zero? I thought that was the smallest number there is!
* **8****-****Ball**: Well, no. There are negative numbers that come *before* zero, like –8, –8 and –8. Not that I consider that worth repeating because I don't have a favourite number.
* **Ma****tch**: That's so, like, negatively cool. Is there, like, a –2 too?
* **8****-****Ball**: Yes, there is. In fact, there are infinitely many numbers with that digit in it.
* **Ma****tch**: [*confused*] What, like, 3?
* **P****e****nci****l**: I think he means what you said earlier, so, like, *twoOOOOOO**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!***

[*The intro plays.*]

## Continued EXIT scene

* **P****e****nci****l**: That felt weird to say and I haven't a clue why.
* **St****a****py**: Should I close the door now? It's been almost a minute and Liy still isn't here.
* **Ma****tch**: Yes, like, close the door.
* **Bracel****ety**: Close it please! You're letting the air out.
* **Li****y**: [*from outside*] Yeah, we don't want what happened to your head to happen here, Sta-py.
* **St****a****py**: Liy! [*opens the door wide*] Liy, Liy, Liy. Welcome back, friend. [*raises his eyebrows at Match, who has denied everything*]

[*Enter* **Liy**. *She looks exhausted.*]

* **Li****y**: Thanks... for holding the door, Stapler, you're an office supply and gentleman.
* **St****a****py**: I thought you didn't like guys holding the door open for you, y'know, 'cause of the whole women's lib thing.
* **Li****y**: Yeah, well, I don't care if anyone opens the door for me now... I just want to... nap.

[*Liy falls flat on the ground.*]

* **Ma****tch**: So who wants lunch?
* **P****e****nci****l**: No, Match!
* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: We should all help Liy get up!
* **8****-****Ball**: Yes, as a community effort.
* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: Roboty, you're strong. Do all the work for us.
* **R****o****b****oty**: Okay.
* **David**: Aw, seriously?
* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: Errrr, David, you join too.
* **Do****ra**: Dadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadada. [*Subtitles: "May I help a fellow EXITer as well?"*]
* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: Dora, that sounded like an invitation to help. You know what to do.
* **Do****ra**: Dadadadadadadadadadadadadadadada. [*Subtitles: "You know the rules and so do I."*]

[*Roboty, David and Dora pick Liy up from the ground.*]

* **Li****y**: This is great. /s I feel like an object.

[*They throw Liy onto the desk and a small cracking sound is heard. The other EXITers audibly cringe.*]

* **Li****y**: It was the desk, no need to worry!
* **Ma****tch**: So can you tell us about your journey?
* **Li****y**: [*with her head down*] I just got here, Princess Thoughtless... Let me sleep first.

## Pre–Cake at Stake

### **Front of the hotel**

**Scene**Random flash mob scene. All the contestants have made an impromptu dance floor outside Two's hotel, happily dancing to a song that vaguely sounds like Diana Ross' "I'm Coming Out". Even Snowball. It's very reminiscent of the dance scene from the Charlie Brown Christmas special. **Golf Ball** goes to the centre of the floor and begins to kick her heels.
* **P****en**: Whoo!
* **Baske****t****ball**: You got this, girl!
* **S****aw**: Go, GB! Go, GB!
* **Everyone**: Go, GB! Go, go, go, GB!
* **Golf Ball**: [*dancing*] I don't care what anyone else thinks; this party was a brilliant idea. Thanks for suggesting this, Tennis Ball!
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: See, I'm always with the times!
* **Eraser**: Even though disco's been dead for over a year, I still like seeing people get down.
* **N****a****ily**: Like same, yo.
* **Eraser**: In both senses!
* **N****a****ily**: No.

[*Enter* **Clock**. *He does not look amused. He looks up at the sky and sees a pull-cord switch.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: A-ha.

[*Clock pulls on the switch and the sun disappears, making the dance floor glow in the dark. Everyone cheers.*]

* **Cloudy**: I love this night mode!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: That's not what I intended to do.

[*Clock pulls on the switch again and the sun returns, but the music stops. Everyone complains.*]

* **G****at****y**: What the hell, Clock? We were having fun!
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Escaping the harsh reality that one of us will be eliminated!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Well, escape later. It's time for Cake at Stake.
* **P****i****n**: Oh, that's right. It's that time of the year again.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Come on, now, up you go.

[*Everyone starts walking into the hotel, disgruntled.*]

* **B****atter****y**: Steady on, *towarischtsch*.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: There you have it. Three at a time in the lift, thank you.

[*Exeunt omnes. Manet* **Clock**, *who begins to cry in an uncharacteristic manner.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: Eh-heh-heh, I wanted to dance *too!*

### **Hotel roof**

**Scene****Golf Ball** and **Tennis Ball** stand on two equal-sized cylindrical platforms in the middle of the roof. The fifteen other members of both **U** (their team) and **Vitas** stand on platforms surrounding them as **The Alefs** watch smugly; their team is the only one that was not up for elimination.
* **T****r****e****e**: Nice panopticon design. I feel like a true prisoner of *TPOT*.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: It's not supposed to make you feel bad. Since Two disappeared, Golf Ball and I have made a few changes to the Cake at Stake place, and we couldn't be happier with the results.
* **Bo****ok**: Yeah, it's very nice.
* **P****i****n**: I want to sit there!
* **Co****i****ny**: It looks very BFDIA! Me likey. [*Coiny audibly makes a slurping sound with his invisible lips. Gaty glares at him.*]
* **G****at****y**: We can only sit there if our team is up for elimination. And don't make that noise, it disgusts me.
* **Co****i****ny**: You know what, Gaty? You are a—
* **Donut**: [*from the platform*] Shush! You children!

[*Golf Ball spins around, trying to get a glimpse of all the contestants.*]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Golf Ball, are you okay?
* **Golf Ball**: I can't see everyone. Also, I'm getting very dizzy up here!
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Must be the lower air pressure.
* **Golf Ball**: How on Earth is this design more efficient, TB?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Like this.
* **Golf Ball**: Is that the surprise you've been waiting to show me?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Mm-hmm.

[*Tennis Ball presses a button on a remote control and the contestants' platforms start to rotate around the two in the middle.*]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: I took the design from the spinning record challenge and applied it here. Doesn't it look super?
* **Snowball**: Super *nauseous!* You xuck, Tennis Bubble!
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Nice to see we're enemies again, SB.
* **Snowball**: *NYEAAAAAAAAAH!*
* **B****atter****y**: Can we, like, get on with the voting, please?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Oh. Sure.
* **B****atter****y**: I'm already tingling with excitement! [*her headband begins to light up*]
* **Baske****t****ball**: I can see why, what with the whole voting scandal and... everything.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: That's right; there *was* a voting scandal.
* **P****en**: What scandal?
* **Eraser**: The Willie Sprays casino scandal, Pen. /s
* **Golf Ball**: I still don't know why it caused so much outrage.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: You can't tell people to vote for you during the voting screen sequence.

[*Flashback to last episode's voting screen, when "Type [P] to save Tennis Ball" and "Type [M] to save Golf Ball" appeared on the screen.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: That's voter manipulation, and I'd know because I've been a victim of that sort of thing myself.

[*He gives Saw and Gaty a dirty look. They wave back at him cheekily.*]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Maybe it was *a bit* naughty, but it wasn't successful. In fact, Golf Ball and I received the third- and fourth-highest number of votes respectively.

[*Battery begins to figuratively shrink away.*]

* **Golf Ball**: Besides, what we did was nothing compared to what really happened. How many votes did we get in this episode, Tennis Ball?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Over 250,000,000.
* **Golf Ball**: And how many votes went to the most-voted contestant?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Over 250,000,000.

[*Battery whistles in the background.*]

* **Lig****htni****ng**: But we've never got more than a million votes, let alone a hundred million!
* **Eraser**: That seems kind of suspicious to me.
* **Golf Ball**: Kind of? More like *extremely!* There was no doubt a foreign power at play here. TB, please continue for me lest I inevitably name names!
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: [*looks at the camera*] To the government of a certain country: Please let your citizens elect their own leader. Don't make them vote to save a contestant on this humble little TV show, which your country does not regularly broadcast. Sorry, Battery.
* **B****atter****y**: [*awkwardly*] Heh heh...
* **Golf Ball**: [*to everyone else*] In case you haven't read the room yet, Battery received the most votes, with over 99% of all votes cast.
* **B****atter****y**: Yay! So what's our—I mean, *my* cake?
* **Golf Ball**: Through the power of Donut and his number-bearing factors...

[*Tennis Ball and Golf Ball do the eyebrow-raising thing. Donut rolls his eyes.*]

* **Golf Ball**: You get a slightly bigger brain!
* **B****atter****y**: Wow, thank you, balls; I feel so smart already! And *spasibo* to all my supporters! May I make a speech?
* **Golf Ball**: Uh...
* **B****atter****y**: *Ich möchte der Kommunistischen Partei Goikyanisch-Österreichs bedanken für die—*
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: [*nervous*] Okay, I think that's good enough. *Danke schön*, Battery!
* **Golf Ball**: Pen, you received the most valid votes, *i.e.*, those that were not state-sponsored. That makes you safe.
* **P****en**: Eyy, that's terrific! If there's one thing you Super Pen Fans are good at, it's choosing your favourite guy to save. We'll stay strong till the end, gang! [*winks and does the "hand heart" gesture*]
* **Eraser**: Oh, brother. Yo, GB, you must have gave Pen a slightly bigger ego instead.
* **T****r****e****e**: It's not like there was a brain in there to aim at.
* **Eraser**: Yeah, boii!

[*Eraser high-fives Tree in a rare display of interclique friendship. Pen laughs quietly too.*]

* **Golf Ball**: Also safe are Golf Ball and Tennis Ball, who are us.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: We don't have to give a speech, do we?
* **Golf Ball**: Of course not! I am very confident that we won these votes on our own merit.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Yeah... sure. /s
* **Golf Ball**: Clock, you're the next one safe. And so are Black Hole, Book and... [*shudders*] Snowball.
* **Snowball**: Make me safe!
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: She's already said it; there's no need to worry now.
* **Snowball**: I'll *give you* something to worry about!

[*Snowball steps off the platform but falls off the roof.*]

* **Snowball**: *NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...*
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Maybe we should go a little faster.
* **Golf Ball**: I agree. Tree, Winner, Remote, Price Tag, Basketball, Donut and Naily, you five are also safe.

[*Dramatic sting: Lightning and Eraser are the last ones left.*]

* **Golf Ball**: Eraser and Lightning, you are both in the bottom two.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: How does that make you feel?
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Good.
* **T****r****e****e**: Why would you feel good about that, Lightning?
* **Lig****htni****ng**: 'Cause I don't have to hear Two ramble on about how that's their favourite number!
* **Eraser**: Oh. In that case I am also feeling good, bruh.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Please excuse us.

[*Tennis Ball and Golf Ball look over a notecard together.*]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Oh.
* **Golf Ball**: This is awkward.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: And embarrassing...

[*Lightning, ever the eavesdropper, flies over to look at the card.*]

* **Lig****htni****ng**: What's embarrassing?
* **Golf Ball**: Oh! Um, Lightning... you and Eraser received the same number of votes. It has resulted in a tie, the likes of which have not been seen on this show since season 1!
* **Eraser**: What's that supposed to mean?
* **Golf Ball**: It means that I don't know which one of you should be eliminated!
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Eliminate me, I want to see Fanny again!
* **Eraser**: Yeah, eliminate Lightning.
* **Golf Ball**: No, no, no, no. I have to check the rules. Clock?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: According to the *TPOT Game Rules*—and this is the most recent edition, by the way—a tie during Cake at Stake must be broken with the full authority of the host. In the event of the host's absence, both contestants are permitted to participate until they return and a duel to the death between the two losers is fought.

[*Lightning perks up.*]

* **Lig****htni****ng**: I have pitchforks!
* **Eraser**: I have *fists*.
* **Golf Ball**: *No one* is going to fight right now! It seems that today's Cake at Stake has ended with an inconclusive result, which, for a scientist, is not the best state of affairs. We will have no choice but to jump directly into the challenge.
* **Puffball**: What do you mean?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Let's go downstairs. GB and I have something totally tubular planned for you!
* **Baske****t****ball**: I call the elevator!
* **N****a****ily**: Not if I get there first!
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Yeah, me too!

[*The three race to the elevator as the other contestants approach the stairs.*]

* **P****i****n**: *Tubular*?
* **Ar****esko**: I had no idea you were such a surfer, TB.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: I'm not, unless you count the Iowa growing season as a "big wave". *Hyuck hyuck!*

## Pre-contest

### **Equation Playground Infirmary**

**Scene**The building is back. **Two**, now seemingly invisible, enters the waiting room of the infirmary and checks in with **Three Point Five**, the receptionist.
* **Two**: An appointment for Two?
* **Three** **Point** **Five**: Oh, you're right on time! Take a seat, the doctor will be in shortly.
* **Two**: Okay, thank you!

[**Two**, *or what we think is Two, sits down on one of the seats. Sitting next to them are the fellow algebralien* **Five** *and two objects who are this episode's special guest stars:* **Gelatin** *and* **Teardrop**. *The latter is wearing a headband connected to a tiny keyboard.*]

* **Gela****tin**: Helloooo, excuse me, number-o, can I please change the channel? TD doesn't want to watch this variety show any more.

[*Teardrop types on the keyboard and a text-to-speech voice is heard.*]

* **Teardrop**:  It's not very interesting and makes me think of maths lessons.
* **Three** **Point** **Five**: Mm-hmm! [*Aside.*] Objects...

[*Gelatin picks up the remote and changes the channel to a rerun of TPOT. It just so happens that they're playing episode 22.*]

* **Gela****tin**: Hey, let's watch this.
* **Two**: My show! Omg, it's my show!

[*Gelatin turns around and turns away a second later, confused. He cannot see the supposedly invisible Two.*]

**Two**: [*on the screen*] Squee-hee-hee!

* **Two**: And that's the part where I walk through the maze...

**Puffball**: Do you like it?
**Nic****k****el**: We worked really hard on this.

* **Two**: And that's the part where I smile really big...

**Two**: I love it! This should be in every public place on the Equation Playground!

* **Two**: And that's the part before I—
* **Gela****tin**: Dude, are you saying that *you're* Two?
* **Two**: *Yes*, you get it then!
* **Teardrop**:  But how can that be? Two isn't alive.
* **Gela****tin**: And Two's green, not invisible.
* **Two**: But—
* **Gela****tin**: I'm sorry, unseen imposter, but we can't believe you right now. We've watched this episode hundreds of times on our trip to the Equation Playground.
* **Two**: But look!

**Two**: I'm going to— I'm going to...
**Golf Ball**: *Runnnnn!*
[*On the screen, Two disappears.*]

* **Gela****tin**: That's the part where Two dies.
* **Two**: Two didn't die! Two's right here! Two *am* right here! *I'm* right here!
* **Gela****tin**: Are you here for, like, medicine or something?
* **Teardrop**:  Weee-ird.
* **Fifty-Seven**: Five for doctor, please?
* **Five**: Oh, that's me! [*nemini loquens*] Got to lurch.

### **Competition area**

**Scene****Tennis Ball** and **Golf Ball** are standing on a raised platform that has suddenly appeared in front of the hotel. Equally spaced are three queues of contestants, each representing a different team. The queues are arranged alphabetically; thus **Aresko** leads the queue for The Alefs, **Black Hole** for Vitas and **Basketball** for U.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: This arrangement turned out better than I thought.
* **Golf Ball**: When you design, TB, you design. Now does anyone have any questions?
* **Eraser**: [*raises his hand*] I do.
* **Golf Ball**: Okay, Eraser, and thank you for raising your hand.
* **Eraser**: What's the contest?
* **Golf Ball**: Tennis Ball?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Today's contest is a definitions bee.

[*Everyone talks at once.*]

* **Baske****t****ball**: A *what?*
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: A definitions bee is like a spelling bee, but with definitions!
* **Baske****t****ball**: What's a spelling bee?
* **Puffball**: Is it a bee that can spell?
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: You've got to explain, man! Not everybody comes from Agricultura. No offence.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Oh, ha ha, that's funny. No, a spelling bee is a competition where people are asked to spell difficult words. The one who goes the furthest without spelling a word wrong wins.
* **Co****i****ny**: Did you know I won my junior high spelling bee?
* **G****at****y**: Wooooww, that's really irrelevant.
* **Co****i****ny**: No, it's not! It's an accomplishment! A-C-C-O-M-P—
* **G****at****y**: Pish, posh. In my language, every letter has the same sound, so you don't have to worry about spelling something wrong.
* **Baske****t****ball**: Yeah, it's the same thing in Spanish! Is that what we're supposed to do here, like, define words that you throw at us?
* **Golf Ball**: That's exactly what we are doing!
* **Snowball**: Stupid *nerds' contest!* Why not throw rocks? That fun Snowball! [*beats his chest*] Oog! Oog!

[*Lightning looks away.*]

* **Golf Ball**: Shut it, you who do not deserve my kindness! It is essential that the younger generations know their vocabulary so that their minds are enriched by the wonders of language!
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Also, we couldn't think of a challenge that would get support from the majority of you. GB and I are trying to be as inoffensive as possible.
* **Golf Ball**: Which meant a political debate was absolutely off the table.
* **Co****i****ny**: Dang it!
* **B****atter****y**: Yeah, we wouldn't want *that* to happen. [*Aside.*] *Losers!*
* **Golf Ball**: I am now going to look up some words in the dictionary. Bear in mind that they will become more difficult as the competition progresses.
* **Bo****ok**: You know, I might not have all the words you're looking for.
* **Golf Ball**: That's why I'm bringing out the big guns. [*Tennis Ball lifts a giant dictionary with his feet.*] Behold, *Ball's Third*!

[*Tennis Ball balances a giant dictionary on his head.*]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Nnh!

[*He tilts a bit, causing the book to fall onto the podium. It causes a tiny earthquake.*]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: That's... better.
* **Baske****t****ball**: I'm surprised you didn't break the thing!
* **Golf Ball**: Tennis Ball! Are you okay?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: If I can write it... I can lift it. Anyway... can we... start now, GB?
* **Golf Ball**: Yes.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Yaaaayyy...

## Contest

### **Competition area**

**Scene**The game is on: Golf Ball has her words and she's ready to use them.
* **Golf Ball**: Alefs, you're up.
* **Ar****esko**: I'm ready!
* **Golf Ball**: Your word is... *this*.
* **Ar****esko**: This?
* **Golf Ball**: You have to define it.
* **Ar****esko**: Alright. *This* is... the thing you say when someone agrees with you, but you can't think of anything else.
* **Golf Ball**: We'll... take that! Vitas, you're up next.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Black Hole, your word is *who*.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: *Who*, that's someone an eavesdropper asks for, when they don't hear a specific name.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Yep, that's right. U?
* **Golf Ball**: Basketball, your word is... *oh*.
* **Baske****t****ball**: *O*. Oh, that's easy! It's the eighteenth letter of the alphabet.

[*Very loud ding sound, like in BFDIA 4.*]

* **Baske****t****ball**: Seventeenth? [*ding*] Sixteenth? [*ding*] Seriously?
* **Golf Ball**: Sorry, Basketball, we were looking for *oh*.
* **Baske****t****ball**: But I did define *O*, didn't I?
* **Golf Ball**: No, you defined *O*. Not *oh*.
* **Baske****t****ball**: *O*, *oh*, I thought they were the same thing!
* **Nic****k****el**: [*nudges Fries*] O's on first!
* **Golf Ball**: But they're not. You're out... even though you're on our team.
* **Baske****t****ball**: [*embarrassed*] Oooooooohhhhhhh... Well, this is... yeah.
* **Golf Ball**: There go the first people in your lines, so everyone else, brace yourself for some more easy words.
* **Baske****t****ball**: [*Aside.*] Yeah, sure. "Easy".

### **Equation Playground Infirmary**

**Scene**Two is still in the waiting room with Gelatin and Teardrop. The TV screen is playing the Cake at Stake scene from TPOT 11.

**Two**: Most people who voted for you are from the throat-singing community!
**Robot** **Fl****ower**: We're small but mighty!
**Two**: However, you did start a completely unnecessary discussion...

* **Gela****tin**: Isn't this episode great, TD?
* **Two**: Of course this episode was great; *I* was in it!

[*Gelatin turns around, confused.*]

* **Gela****tin**: This is the episode where good ol' Donut changes the team's name to something sillier. He doesn't do anything else, lol.
* **Teardrop**:  A true feat.
* **Two**: I don't know why they play it now, though. It's better to watch the episodes in order. Who the Gogma jumps from episode 22 to 11; I'd like to have a chat with the head of the broadcaster!
* **Teardrop**:  Easy there, Match.

[*Enter* **Five**, *wearing a nurse's outfit.*]

* **Five**: Two, please?
* **Two**: Oh, that's me!
* **Five**: Kindly walk with me.

[*Two gets up.*]

* **Gela****tin**: You don't think that's actually Two, do you?
* **Teardrop**:  If that's Two, then I'm not blue.
* **Gela****tin**: But you aren't blue. You're like cyan-ish.

[*In the hallway.*]

* **Five**: Okay, let me drop the stuffy act for a few seconds. *Two!* How are things going, brah-lien?
* **Two**: Still as okay as ever. How about you?
* **Five**: Great, kind of. I've been feeling disappointed lately.
* **Two**: Why's that?
* **Five**: Because so many people are leaving this place for Earth. I look at them and ask myself: why? The Equation Playground has so much more to offer!
* **Two**: I know, right? Not that I'm one to talk, because I've basically done the same thing, but... That must be what happened to One, yeah?
* **Five**: Yeah, the old doctor. They were so inspired when you came here and sang Object Donna Summer that they decided to start an earthly singing career themselves!
* **Two**: Aww, I'm an inspiration! I'm so happy for them... even though they sing for...
* **[** **Two** · **Five** **]**: Objects.

[*They both shudder.*]

* **Two**: So what kind of music does One sing? Disco? Schlager? That new wave everybody's talking about?
* **Five**: No. They've decided to go the Goikyan American way and sing country.
* **Two**: Country. [*Five nods.*] Country. *Country.*
* **Five**: You know, the kind of music they listen to over there. "Yee-haw!" and all that.
* **Two**: Yes, I know what country is. But One, a country star? I'm trying to imagine it. [*looks up*]
* **Five**: Hold on now. Before we have a walk down hypothetical memory lane, I must warn you that we're blocking the hall.

[*Two and Five notice several people (mostly algebraliens) in the hall, trying to get through.*]

* **Two**: Oh. Sorry.

[**Five** *leads* **Two** *to One's old doctor's office.*]

### **Competition area**

**Scene**Round One is over. All the contestants are still in the challenge, except for **Basketball**, **Pen** and **Snowball**, who stand in the background. We will hear from them shortly.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Round One is finally over! Congratulations to all who have made it!
* **Golf Ball**: And for those who didn't make it past the first round, what's wrong with you? [*realizing*] I mean, there's always room for improvement.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Let's... take a short break.

#### Loser's circle

* **Baske****t****ball**: I can't believe I got out in the first round! I always thought vocabulary was a little easy for me.
* **P****en**: Oh, it's not that bad, Basketball!
* **Baske****t****ball**: Yeah, but now I have to stand next to Snowball. Ew.
* **Snowball**: I'm the smartest of *all people!*
* **Baske****t****ball**: Well, at least I'm not alone. But Pen, I don't think you should be out here! You always seemed pretty smart behind that goofy exterior of yours.
* **P****en**: [*flattered*] Aww, you think I'm goofy *and* smart? Believe me, my word was *hard*, and I'm not even a philosopher!
* **Baske****t****ball**: Yeah...
* **P****en**: Y'know, I remember learning in Greek school that *philosopher* comes from the words *philos*, love, and *sophia*, knowing. Needless to say, it's pretty funny 'cause I think I love everyone I get the pleasure to know here. [*looks at Snowball, who is snarling at him*] Mostly.
* **Snowball**: *Snowball needs love too!*
* **Baske****t****ball**: Wait, you know the Greek roots of the word *philosopher* but you can't define the word *what*?

[*Pen shrugs.*]

#### Still-competitors' zone

* **Golf Ball**: Round Two has just begun. Harder words, everyone! Are you prepared?
* **Ar****esko**: I think so.
* **Golf Ball**: Now, to keep things interesting, let's go backwards.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: That means for The Alefs, Saw is first.

[*Saw steps up to the microphone. She is a little scared.*]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Saw...
* **S****aw**: e̸̦̽Ũ̷̢̩͂A̸͍͔̾̋ų̶́͝Ụ̴͌͊Ą̴̛̈e̸̤͋̇Ȕ̷͎̈A̵͉͋È̵͔̮̈́ạ̴͑͘u̸̯̤͑e̵͚̻͊E̴͚͛Ȗ̴̢Ḁ̷͊͝U̵̼͗̂à̴̙̦ẻ̵̮̩e̶̛͙͘á̶̝̰͒ȩ̶́̈Ue̶͔ae̵̗͝Á̴̖̙͘Ā̸̧Ą̸̰̅e̸̦̽Ũ̷̢̩͂A̸͍͔̾̋ų̶́͝Ụ̴͌͊Ą̴̛̈e̸̤͋̇Ȕ̷͎̈A̵͉͋È̵͔̮̈́ạ̴͑͘u̸̯̤͑e̵͚̻͊E̴͚͛Ȗ̴̢Ḁ̷͊͝U̵̼͗̂à̴̙̦ẻ̵̮̩e̶̛͙͘á̶̝̰͒ȩ̶́̈ue̶͔Ee̵̗͝Á̴̖̙͘Ā̸̧Ą̸̰̅...
* **G****at****y**: You got this, Saw!
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Your word is *think*.
* **S****aw**: Oh, I know that one! It's the name of that song from that *Greens Brothers* film.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Surprisingly correct! Winner, you're next.
* **Golf Ball**: Your word is... [*double-checks the dictionary*] *winner*.
* **Winner**: Um... [*looks away for a second*] Me?

[*Ding!*]

* **Winner**: What? But isn't *winner* just who I am? Surely that's an appropriate definition, is it not?
* **Golf Ball**: It is, but only for you. Unfortunately, you are the only one who can say they're winner. Everyone else is, well, everyone else.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: They're everyone and nothing else.
* **Winner**: Aww, I'm out.

### **Five's doctor's office**

**Scene**Just like in TPOT 14, Two is sitting on the recliney thing in the doctor's office. Of course, we can't see them because they're invisible to the naked eye, but Two is definitely there.
* **Five**: [*imitating some celebrity*] So what seems to be the problem today?
* **Two**: It's been four months since I was my old self, and no matter what I do, I can't go back.
* **Five**: And what would your old self be like to you?
* **Two**: Green, number... visible.
* **Five**: Those are some good qualities to have.
* **Two**: I've been looking so unmerged for so long; I think this might be my identity crisis of the decade!
* **Five**: Oh, I don't think so! There's a great chance that you'll suffer many other identity crises in this decade, I promise.
* **Two**: Well, that's not very nice!
* **Five**: I'm sorry, but I'm a realist.
* **Two**: Thought you were a doctor, yeah?

[*Five breaks into laughter.*]

* **Five**: A doctor! Are you kidding? I'm no doctor! [*Two's invisible eyes get big.*] I'm just an actor. I wanted to audition for the rôle of a doctor, but because of the brain drain on this planet, they let me be a real doctor instead!
* **Two**: That explains everything, then! [*Beat.*] Wait, isn't that illegal?
* **Five**: Only on Earth, among the humans, and on the other Earth, among the objects. It is perfectly allowed here.
* **Two**: Oh yeah, your people take the Hypocrites' Oath instead.

[*Five begins to sweat oobleck, which is typical for primes that are the sum of two consecutive primes.*]

* **Five**: Anyway, back to you. Are there any methods you have tried to return to your original self?
* **Two**: Yeah, do you remember episode 14? I was split in two at first, but then I used my powers as much as I could and eventually went back to normal!
* **Five**: I think that's nice to hear. Have you tried that method?
* **Two**: I did. Nothing happened, and I think I know why.
* **Five**: Why?
* **Two**: When I was last split up, I was in two parts. I don't even know how many parts I'm split up into these days.
* **Five**: Ohhhhh. So you're not invisible; you're just split up into many pieces.
* **Two**: That's how it works for even prime algebraliens. Gog, I feel so unappetizing.

[*Five puts their arm around where Two would be sitting if they were put together.*]

* **Five**: That's okay. You don't have to be appetizing all the time. I watch your interactions with your contestants on *TPOT*; you see your objects as garbage, and that's exactly how they see you.
* **Two**: Did you take this job just so you could insult people?
* **Five**: Is there a laugh track playing? No. Listen, Two, I'm going to look in a medical dictionary for some advice, 'cause I don't think I can fix you with only what's in my head.
* **Two**: Okay, fine, sure!

### **Competition area**

**Scene**Round Two is over. A little less than half of the contestants from the beginning of the contest are still competing; the other half are out and free to move around the area.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Round Two is over and more than half the contestants are out.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Seriously? We started off with some easy words like *tweet* and *orange*, and then it just got harder! What's a *tryptophan* anyway?
* **N****a****ily**: Yeah, what happened?
* **Golf Ball**: I'm sorry, but obscure words are my weakness.
* **Snowball**: [*making an exaggerated vomiting sound*] *Mbbbblueueueueuegeegeggghghghghgh!*
* **Golf Ball**: [*ignoring him*] It is now time for Round Three: the final round.
* **Cloudy**: Why three?
* **Golf Ball**: Because it's not two.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Oh, that makes sense.

[*Soni exspectati.*]

* **Golf Ball**: Aresko and Black Hole, you're up. Book, you start later because there are fewer of you on your team.
* **Bo****ok**: Well, the rest of us are either out or hosting.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Aresko, you go first.
* **Ar****esko**: Whoo! Let's do this!
* **Golf Ball**: Your word is... *tosticated*.
* **Ar****esko**: *Tosticated*, eh? I think that's what happens when you turn somebody into toast.

[*Ding!*]

* **Ar****esko**: Really?
* **Golf Ball**: That word actually means *perplexed*. I am tosticated that you didn't get that.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Black Hole, *wayment*.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: To pay someone, with the currency of a country, that starts with the letter *W*. At least that's what I think.

[*Ding!*]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Actually, it's a feeling of grief.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Oh, how I'm feeling a wayment for losing right now.
* **Golf Ball**: *Tuism*.
* **F****r****i****e****s**: That doesn't have anything to do with our former host, does it?

[*Ding!*]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: *Wretchock*.
* **Donut**: Huh?
* **Golf Ball**: *Obsequious*.
* **Bo****ok**: Bracelety.

[*Tennis Ball and Golf Ball look at each other.*]

* **Golf Ball**: We'll allow it.
* **Baske****t****ball**: What? Why does that word mean *Bracelety*?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Because Bracelety was and probably still is *obsequious* to Ice Cube. She admires her so much that she would do anything to get her approval.
* **Baske****t****ball**: So it's like being a simp.
* **Golf Ball**: Exactly! [*Aside.*] That's what *simp* means, right? [*Tennis Ball nods.*]
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Now Book, you're the only one so far who has correctly defined every word that has been tossed at you. If all members of your opposing teams lose this round, U win!
* **Bo****ok**: Ooh, I can't wait to win! And my team too!
* **Golf Ball**: Puffball, *tachygraphy*.
* **Puffball**: A chart that tries too hard to be cool.

[*Ding! Montage time.*]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: *Wurzel*.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: I can't even pronounce that!
* **S****aw**: *Theopneustic*?
* **T****r****e****e**: Why would I want to know what that means?
* **Golf Ball**: And the last contestant: Taggy.
* **Bo****ok**: You've got this! But even if you don't, our team still wins!
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Alright. Giant dictionary, come at me!
* **Golf Ball**: This might be the hardest one I've seen: Your word is... *orphanotrophism*.

[*Price Tag breathes in.*]

* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: *Orphanotrophism*, that's... when you collect orphans as trophies, you know, because trophies are meant to be taken care of and treated like they're... something that deserves an "ism", I don't know... Oh, wait. I do know! Children! [*Beat.*] Is that correct?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Please excuse us again.

[*Tennis Ball and Golf Ball chatter among themselves quietly as they look in the dictionary.*]

* **Golf Ball**: It's a stretch, but that definition is... *correct!*
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: U, we—I mean, *you* win!

## Post-contest

[*General celebration.*]

* **Golf Ball**: Dance party time!

[*Everyone begins to dance like at the start of the episode.*]

### **Five's doctor's office**

**Scene**Montage of Five using various methods to get Two back to their old form to some happy music (despite the methods being too weird and gross to show on television—the author was too lazy to think of any actual methods to get Two back to normal). The medical dictionary is present and the words are noticeably upside down.
* **Two**: I can't believe it. We must have gone through twenty treatments and not one of them worked!
* **Five**: I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do. You might as well never get back to normal, and that's the truth.
* **Two**: But I have the power of *Two!*
* **Five**: That may be true, but... wait, that's what you're called? Two?
* **Two**: That's right.
* **Five**: Gosh, it's been so long since you said your name that I've completely forgotten! I have a mould of you, just wait!
* **Two**: What? Why have you got a mould of me?
* **Five**: [*getting a Two-shaped mould out*] I've got moulds of every digit. Before I became a real fake doctor, I decorated cakes for a living. So many birthdays, but so few candles. Luckily, I've been able to keep some large-sized ones as keepsakes, and there just happens to be one with your exact shape!
* **Two**: Oh, wow! I'm flattered! And I'm pretty lucky to be a number so common that people use it on their birthday cakes.
* **Five**: What do you say? Step inside!

[*Two steps inside the mould. As usual, we don't see this happening.*]

* **Two**: [*muffled*] How long should I stay here?
* **Five**: What's your number again?
* **Two**: Two.
* **Five**: Then over two seconds.
* **Two**: Okay, let me out.
* **Five**: Right-o!

[*Five opens the mould. Out comes* **Two** *in the same state that they were before.*]

* **Two**: I'm ♫ *BAAAA-AAAAAACK!* ♫
* **Five**: Two, welcome to the world! It looks like my work here is done.
* **Two**: And I couldn't thank you enough. You may not be a licenced medical practitioner and you may be an outlaw on several planets because of that, but I know I can trust you with my physical appearance.
* **Five**: Aww, thanks, Two! That surprisingly means a lot.
* **Two**: Bye bye, then!
* **Five**: Are you going to sing?
* **Two**: Only to myself!

[*Two skips out of Five's office, the lobby and all the way back to Earth.*]

* **Two**: ♫ *La la la la la la la la!* ♫ Goodbye, Three Point Five! ♫ *La la la la la la la la!* ♫ Goodbye, Gelatin, I told you so!

[*Exit* **Two**.]

* **Gela****tin**: Hey Teedster, do numbers skip?
* **Teardrop**:  I doubt it.

### **Front of the hotel**

**Scene**The contestants are dancing as they were doing in the first part of the episode. What's funny is that there is no music playing, but they still dance. Even Snowball. Huc teleportat **Two**.
* **Two**: Hi, everyone, I'm back!

[*Everyone screams. For some reason, they stop dancing one second later.*]

* **P****i****n**: You're too early!
* **Co****i****ny**: Can't you see we're trying to party?
* **Two**: Oh, sorry, I'll just be split into a million pieces for a few more days. /s
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Now, wait, Two, please don't leave!

[*Two pogs.*]

* **Two**: Ò! Are you saying you *want* me here?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: You're legally our host; you have to be here.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: You can have the mic back, Two! We've finished the challenge and U won.
* **Two**: And what about the elimination?

[*Everyone looks at one another.*]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Uhh, uhh, uhh, uhh, uhh...
* **Golf Ball**: It was down to Lightning and Eraser. Both received the fewest votes, so according to the rules, we had to wait until you came back so you could determine who should be eliminated.
* **Two**: I like the fact that, as hosts, you still insist on following the *TPOT Game Rules*, even when I'm not around! [*Clock smiles smugly.*] Lightning and Eraser, you know what to do now.

## Elimination

### **Multi-purpose building**

**Scene**All the contestants watch as **Lightning** and **Eraser** stand on a ledge before a very detailed diorama in the front of Two's building with the long name. They are facing each other. Two has made it appear that there is a bottomless pit below them and a strong wind blows, but only the two fighting guys can sense it. Dramatic music plays on a record player.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: I don't know what to do now.
* **Two**: Gentlemen, welcome to my gym/cosmetology centre/handle store/library/numerology school/film set–like duel zone.
* **F****r****i****e****s**: Can you say that a little slower? I couldn't understand anything apart from the excess nonsense.
* **Two**: [*ignoring him*] In this tiebreaker, you must knock the other person off the ledge in any way possible! The winner gets to stay in the game, while the other is eliminated. Now, to quote a wise man I once heard, all pushing, shoving, kicking and horseplay is especially allowed.
* **Nic****k****el**: Hey, I know that line! Dad used to say that whenever we watched competitive yoga!
* **N****a****ily**: Who does competitive yoga... and televises it?
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Oh, the American South.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Horseplay, is it?

[*Eraser backs away slightly.*]

* **Eraser**: Uh, no offence, Lightning, but I ain't into guys like that.
* **Two**: *Horse*-play, Eraser.
* **Eraser**: Oh. Frick. Never mind.
* **Snowball**: Get to *kill* already! 'Cause I don't do it myself!
* **Eraser**: [*raises his fists*] I'm warning you now, bro; you'd better step back. These fists ain't just for kneading dough. I gotta tell ya, I tried my hand at a little boxing in Brooklyn. You're going down, little buddy.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Was that ironic? Oh, no matter. [*zaps Eraser*]
* **Eraser**: Ah!
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Bye now!

[**Eraser** *falls through the "bottomless pit" in the ground.*]

* **Eraser**: *AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...*

[*Everyone is shocked to see that Eraser has been eliminated so quickly, especially Pen.*]

* **Two**: Eraser is eliminated, and Lightning wins!
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Huzzah! I feel like Whammy David Jr. against Goliath! What do I win, Two?
* **Two**: Your hotel room.

[*Lightning's IKNO furniture set, which he had ordered in episode 10, falls onto the Cake at Stake place, making a loud crashing sound.*]

* **Lig****htni****ng**: I think I ordered that about five years ago!
* **Two**: Oh yeah, I've been using it to my personal advantage. But you can have it!
* **Lig****htni****ng**: I've so many questions right now. But I'm happy. [*Beat.*] So why is nobody else celebrating?

[*Enter* **Black Hole**, **Pen**, **Remote** *and* **Tree**, *who look at Lightning disapprovingly.*]

* **T****r****e****e**: Lightning!
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: You have just caused death.
* **P****en**: Of my own brother! You're a... a... a not-good person!
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: What have you got to say for yourself?
* **Lig****htni****ng**: [*embarrassed*] Weeeeeeeellllll... I'm sorry I was after killing Eraser! I'll wear the stupid murderers' hat! Gordon Bennett, way to make a bolt feel guilty for following Two's orders!
* **Two**: Time out. Eraser isn't dead. He is currently falling through one of my many portals to the Filing Cabinet, because he has been eliminated! Did I mention that he is eliminated? 'Cause he is! Eliminated!
* **P****en**: Two, he's gone now. Don't keep on goin'.
* **T****r****e****e**: Come here, mate. [*hugs Pen, who is holding back tears*]
* **Snowball**: Drama queen.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: So to clarify, you don't die when you go to the Filing Cabinet, but you go on living your life until the competition's over?
* **Baske****t****ball**: Ooh, Two, did you just reveal a piece of info you didn't want us to know?
* **Co****i****ny**: [*happily*] Nice spoiler, host dude!
* **Two**: Uhh, uhh, uhh, uhh, uhh...

### **Voting screen**

**Scene**Two smiles in front of a blank screen. Enter **Golf Ball** and **Tennis Ball**.
* **Golf Ball**: Two, you still haven't told us which team is up for elimination.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Should it be Vitas or The Alefs?
* **Two**: Ehhhh, let's try The Alefs.

[*The pictures, letters and numbers representing the members of The Alefs appear on the screen.*]

* **Two**: I think Vitas have suffered enough today.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: [*off-screen*] Well said.
* **Two**: So vote in the comments using the letter and square brackets for who you don't want to be eliminated! Vote for who you want to stay! The person with the fewest votes will leave the show!
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: And a big thank you to Stephen Chrisomalis and his *Phrontistery* for providing some of the words used in today's show!
* **Golf Ball**: I knew what all of them meant, but most other people in the world don't! And that's okay! It's okay not to know every word in the dictionary!
* **Two**: Tennis Ball and Golf Ball... give me back my programme!

[*Exeunt.* *Roll credits. Instead of the usual electronic happy music, we hear an instrumental version of One's 1979 hit country song: "Land of Numbers".*]

## Stinger

### **EXIT**

**Scene**Liy is still asleep with her head down on the desk. The other EXITers take advantage of this; they're drawing things on her and sprinkling her with salt while giggling softly. Even Dora is engaging in the fun; she dances on top of her.
* **Ma****tch**: This is, like, great.
* **Bracel****ety**: *PRANKY TIME!*
* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: Be quiet, Liy is sleeping.
* **St****a****py**: Yeah, no, she'll be up soon. I can just sense it.
* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: Creepy!
* **St****a****py**: She's going to be up in five, four, three, two—
* **Ma****tch**: Negative eight, we, like, get it.
* **8****-****Ball**: I'm so glad you mentioned that number.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Shh... Look.

[*Liy gets up from the desk. All the things everyone has put on her fall off.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Good morning, Liy!
* **St****a****py**: Sleep well?
* **Li****y**: Mmm... maybe. I had a nightmare.
* **Ma****tch**: Okay, cool, can you, like, tell us about your journey? [*gets out a clipboard*]
* **P****e****nci****l**: Yeah, we want to hear this.
* **St****a****py**: She just got up!
* **Li****y**: Next time...
* **Ma****tch**: What, like, next time? You just got here!
* **Li****y**: Next time... ***you're coming with me.***

[*Dramatic sting.*]

**THE END**
## Deleted scenes

**Golf Ball**: I blame Goikyan Russia.
**T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Whoa, GB, you can't just name names; that's how we get banned. Also, it's the Soviet Union, not Russia.

* Anachronistically, Pen was going to do the Korean finger heart gesture instead of the hand heart. If this were an older episode, I would have let it slide.
* Instead of Gelatin and Teardrop, the people in the waiting room were originally going to be generic "Man #4" and "Child #1". Note that the age has been changed for the latter: Teardrop was not a child when she was last seen in BFB, and she's certainly not one seven years later.
* Battery would have switched teams in this episode instead of the next one.
* I was going to introduce a character called "Webster", who was just a crude drawing of a spider web. I realized that he would be pretty useless to the episode, and also, we've got enough special guest stars for now.
* This was going to be a musical episode. One was going to have a full-blown song about how they're from the "Land of Numbers" (I had the full lyrics in my head before they disappeared!) Golf Ball herself was going to sing about all the contestants' rôles in her new government as President of *The Power of Two*. They were mostly dropped for time.
* After Round One in the definitions bee competition:

**P****en**: And I love everyone I know!
**Snowball**: Do you love me, Pen?
**P****en**: Good question... I think I'll get back to you in, like, a few decades.

* Round Two was going to be a bit longer: The word for Price Tag, representing U, was "orange". They would have been confused over whether Tennis Ball was referring to the fruit, the colour or the county in California. (I would have included something snarky in it if the latter were the case.)
* Five's personality ended up being much different than I'd originally written. I had to watch the later subscriber specials again to get their vibe down!
* I have on my notes a deleted scene: It would have been a break after Round Two. The exact dialogue I don't have, but this is what I've written.

*- reaining ocntestants in this are: o ALEFS - aresko, fries, puffball, saw, on VITAS - bhole, donut, remote, tree, on U - book, clock, ptag, tree - hey want to know something we have in common, dn - whats that, - we're all nerds, yeah - book, aresko - rock on brah, okay most of us are, no, i'm just so desprtae to be included in some subculture that ill take anything, thats kind of sad - remote, not as sad as us - clock, we've got three members and you've got four, maybe youll win! it can be like david vs goliath "aw seriosul!Y", i dont think thatsquite how it went but yeahhhhhhh*
omg clock

* Lightning was going to say "I am your father" all serious-like after Eraser got eliminated.
* Pen's reaction to Eraser being eliminated was originally going to be a lot more dramatic. I decided to save the crying and the théatrics for the next episode... You'll see.

## Notes

1. ↑ You're learning more maths from the EXITers than from Four whenever they came to teach in the EXIT.
2. ↑ "I'd like to thank the Communist Party of Goikyan Austria for the..." It's not in English, so it was able to slip past the censors.
3. ↑ Teardrop's font is in monospace to distinguish her manner of communication from that of Remote, who *can* speak on her own. It'd be strange if someone read this from the middle or wherever and saw Teardrop with dialogue (indistinguishable from the others) on the screen with no explanation as to why.
4. ↑ I don't know many interesting facts about the number 5.
5. ↑ I'm not writing myself into Golf Ball's character, because I honestly did not know most of the words listed there. It's still a nice website.
6. ↑ At some points, it just sounds like Jacknjellify talking to themselves.

**Fake TPOT** [V]