The Arms Lockdown Hair Saga

## DIY Haircut Horror

When the 2020 lockdown happened, many doting FAHns were thrilled at the prospect of witnessing **Arms's haircut lifecycle** grow beyond week 13. The mood turned tense when first Foil and then Hog decided to give themselves a **home-styled haircut** in the same week. Arms Hair FAHns, by then an established cult, were utterly terrified. Arms himself, always up for a bit of **FAHn Feather Ruffling**, hinted in one of the **PUBG Streams** (20 May, ca. 50 min in) that:

> "I think it might be coming to that... [heavily pregnant pause] I've got the clippers!"
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A very cruel thing to do in what was only week 10 in the Haircut Lifecycle when he was nowhere near due a haircut even in normal circumstances! But then again Arms \*is\* a massive tease, as we know all too well from that one time (also on Twitch!) where he **left dozens of Doomdah-deprived FAHns hanging on an Ehhh...** .

It was obvious someone had to **try talk some sense** into that lad. **FAHnvidder** Heleendje edited together a short hair horror vid, using her own handwriting and some nifty old-skool effects she "borrowed" from a tutorial.

**FAHnartists** meanwhile took to Instagram *en masse* and created a **shrine to Arms's lush long lockdown locks**. The intention was of course not just to celebrate the new look, but to nudge him towards a final decision to keep them intact throughout the lockdown. **In short: to not get Foiled!** They came up with all sorts of crafty ways to teasingly **pitch the benefits of a long hairstyle** to Arms.

Concept Portraits by falescilo (@Wolfilotje on Twitter).
* by things\_i\_cre8
* by things\_i\_cre8
* by things\_i\_cre8
* by things\_i\_cre8
* by things\_i\_cre8
1/5**Falescilo** annotated her highly convincing portraits, conceptualising four different ways in which a clipper-happy Arms could end up ruining his boyband looks (which may or may not have turned out to be a step up, comedy career-wise):

> "After careful consideration - with some visuals - I míght agree with @Heleendje: He shouldn't risk a #buzzcut or the #BlackAdderBowlCut [#maybe #foilarmsandhog #haircuts (#MightBePoorHairDrawingskills)]"
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The dominating sentiment was neatly summarised by **FAHntoonist** **things\_i\_cre8**:

> "Dear Arms,
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> Don't do it!!! Kind Regards,
> The FAH crew
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> PS. We will just be very upset" [#foilarmsandhog #diyhaircut #lockdownhaircut]
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## A Drawn (Out) Affair

Just as the lockdown was being phased out, Heleendje made a Quarantine Characters compilation FAHnvid in which the Hair Saga features extensively. *In the interest of balance*, all three lads' haircuts before lockdown are included in the **comparison view slider** below: the "thens" are taken from **Squatters Ep. 1**, their last pre-lockdown sketch; the "nows" from Black Market Lockdown Haircut for Foil and Hog (i.e. their last on-screen appearance before taking the clippers into their own hands) and from Lockdown Is Tough On Everyone for Arms (because the camera angle was absolutely perfect!).

But the Haircut Timer wasn't reset just yet! Even after the barbers in Ireland opened again in the beginning of July, Arms turned up in sketches and Instagram pictures with his manes intact. Not only that... instead of his signature curly side-swept fringe, he now **showed off a dazzling look with his hair side parted** and the surplus length elegantly tucked behind his ears (see also: the Lockdown Haircut slideshow below). Comments about his look were overwhelmingly positive and **Hair Praise was everywhere**:

* The hair is magnificent btw
* I’m sorry but Arms’ hair is stunning. Keep it like that always X
* Arms should not get rid of his Beethoven hair!
* Like a young Jim Carrey
* I thought it was Ace Ventura
* He looks like Clark Kent without glasses... (or Superman without a leotard)
* Looks like a young Hugh Laurie
* Arms is probably the most handsome man I've ever seen.
* I think it looks great, though I am bias towards that length.
* [HEART] the hair!
* Dat hair tho! [FLAME]
* Love the new hairstyle

That last comment coaxed a reply out of Arms:

> "here to stay I think... Investing in a mousse company"
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Which naturally prompted the **FAHnartists** to grab their tools.

Still, a few comments did venture into **Full Lad Mode**:

* it honestly took me a second to recognize your cameraman
* He'll go for a man bun now!
* A 70s newsreader!
* John Cleese!!
* What Is Up With Your Hair??? Barbers are open aren't they??

To which Arms replied, in uncharacteristically full-disclosure fashion:

> "Somebody threatened me. I've hired security."
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His novel sleek "do" did puzzle one FAHnartist for a little while...

Arms's hair magic trick as explained by things\_i\_cre8
But all was well and we were glad. Take a look at Arms's full **Locks-Down Journey** by clicking through the slideshow. The names for all the different stages in the Lockdown Haircut Cycle are still pending... Let me know if you come up with any fitting names for them!

* The Sprout (freshly shorn locks yet to come into their own)
* Golden Caramel Swirl (the crop starts to look good)
* The Thatched Roof (naww, really it's Spun Sugar Fluff)
* The McKennatic Wave Sculpture (worth looking up YT if ydk this, lovely stuff)
* The Cheeky Cherub!
* The Fringe Festival
* The Irish Pixie
* The Lush Superman (they're ALL kiss-curls, not just one! Superpower on display here: the disArming dimple)
* The Jessica Rabbit
* The Medusa (untameable wiggly curls)
* The Savage Garden (just look at those eyes.. gaze into them .. truly madly deeply Multiple musical notes ... Ahem. What. Nothing!)
* The Mousse-kateer
* The Bedhead
* Boy Band Chic (complete with Pout™)
* The Anti Dolly Part-On
* The Bob Gelled-Off
* \*The Wig-Out Begins\* (.. in the hair tonight Multiple musical notes)
* (strike out - The Beatles. - strike out - The Bangles. - strike out - The B-52s. - strike out) The 4 Horse-Manes of the Armlockalypse: Young Einstein, Supermassive Black Hair, The Grace Kelly, Mr. Potato Head (clockwise from top left)
* The Cascades - nope. It's \*The WIG-OUT\* (Maybe he's born with it...)
* Interlude - The Swoon-Maker (charming windswept curls and waves and.. yeah yeah I dare you to stare at Arms as long as I have for this withOUT crushing on him)
* \*The Wig-Out Rises\*
1/21
**things\_i\_cre8** happily provided a set of drawings for these styles to help guide the naming process.

1. First page, left to right & top to bottom:
	1. The Sprout
	2. The Thatched Roof
	3. The McKennatic Wave Sculpture
	4. The Cheeky Cherub!
	5. The Fringe Festival
	6. The Irish Pixie
2. Second page, left to right & top to bottom:
	1. The Lush Superman
	2. The Anti Dolly Part-On
	3. The Bob Gelled-Off
	4. The Medusa
	5. \*The Wig-Out Begins\*
	6. The Swoon-Maker

## The Post-Lockdown Trim & a Guide to Hair Slagging

The last time Arms treated us to a full head of dramatically voluptuous hair was in **The Hidden Benefits Of Facemasks** (premiered on 9 July 2020). As if to allow us to say our farewells in style, he gave us a 360 degree view... **Surround Lushness**, as it were. It lead some FAHns to daydream about all the post-lockdown characters that might spring to Arms's creative mind, as he'd stand in front of the bathroom mirror, trying out different directions in which to brush his growing fringe.

But it was not to be. I guess it was inevitable... promises being what they are, Arms's long lush manes didn't survive long after babers opened their doors again. The Mouth Masks sketch was to be the last ever glimpse we'd catch of Arms with his week-17-stage hair gloriously on display. The next thing we knew, he turned up all coiffured and annoyingly pleased about it on the first ever **Patreon Q & A Livestream**. Not even an advance warning!

Sadly, due to **FAH-style Tech Issues**, the first part of the stream has been irretrievably lost. Some clever FAHns did have the clarity of mind to snapshot the juicy bit where Arms flashed his claws in reaction to the stream of Snark coming from the YouTube chatroom.

I ask you: is that the face of a man offended by mild haircut slagging, live on stream in front of an audience of over 200 people who adore him? C'mon now. Arms NEEDS attention and we provided.

The very next thing out of Arms's mouth, unfortunately not saved (even though I can hear it loud and clear in my mind), is Arms calling us - **the Hair Slaggers**:

> "The Usual Suspects!"
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I'll be adding that to my username by the next stream (#TheUsualSuspects)! By the way, if you need to familiarise yourself with the origins of all the **Arms Hair Attention** that also prompted that remark from Arms, you can do so on the page detailing his **self-reported Haircut Lifecycle**.

And so it's been proved: it was **tattletale Foil** who'd clocked FAHns were shooting snark at Arms's haircut. Which, if you remember what the Unnamed Foil Character (UFC) told Gerald about **the rules of slagging** in the first part of the **How To Be A Lad series**, is delightfully *in character* while at the same time decidedly *off-brand* for Foil-the-sweetheart on Patreon!

> UFC: "No, [slagging] is fair game. I'd expect the same if I'd a new pair of runners,...
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Foil taught us all how to slag
(and so on.)

After the Livestream, we collectively decided - on Twitter of course - to hold **a service in remembrance of the Lost Locks**. A lament for what could have been: Arms on stage in 2021 with shoulder length waves... Swines is all the poorer for it!

Mija (she of the video clip!) kindly provided the prayers:

> "In the name of the Follicle, the Cortex and the Cuticle Cells, we bless those that were lost in the post lockdown trim."
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***Now THAT's Mass!!***
Or, as one FAHn commented...

> "We slag because we love!"
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Arms ruffling his new hair: **a mood**.