recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
18: It HAS Been Real!

## Summary

Madam Eva reads the party's fortunes with a series of cards and cryptic suggestions for gaining knowledge, weapons, sources of power and allies to help them overcome their enemy. She tells Raphina that her destiny lies with the party and so they all leave together, taking the road up into the hills. At a bridge by a waterfall, they encounter a dragonborn ruthlessly and elegantly dispatching a horde of zombies. He introduces himself as Batthwack Medrach and Nick suggest's he accompany them, though Will and Raphina are less trustful than the others.

## Synopsis

A more detailed description of events in this episode.

*"This card tells of history. Knowledge of the ancient will help you better understand your enemy. Look to the Wizard of Wines. In wood and sand, the treasure hides."**"This card tells of a powerful force for good and protection, a holy symbol of great hope. I see a lonely mill on a precipice. The treasure lies within."**"This is a card of power and strength. It tells of a weapon of vengeance, a sword of sunlight. I see a garden dusted with snow, watched over by a scarecrow with a sackcloth grin. Look not to the garden, but to the guardian."**"This card tells of a treasure of bone, a source of power when returned to its resting place. Look for a den of wolves in the hills, overlooking a mountain lake. The treasure belongs to Mother Night."**"This card leads the way to another symbol of good, the key to Petrovna's grave. There is a town where all is not well. There you will find a house of corruption, and within, a dark room full of still ghosts."**"This card sheds light on one who will help you greatly in the battle against darkness. A Vistana wanders this land alone, searching for her mentor. She does not stay in one place for long. Seek her out at St. Markovia's Abbey near the mists."**"Your enemy is a creature of darkness whose powers are beyond mortality. This card will lead you to him. He dwells with the one whose blood sealed his doom, a brother of light snuffed out too soon."*

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Eric/Madam Eva. After Madam Eva gives the party their fortune telling and then answers all their questions, the group say their goodbyes and leave. New party member Raphina says, "Well, I'm gonna go get my satchel and then I'm ready to go. Bye Madam Eva! It's been real!" Madam Eva: "It HAS been real. You're right. I love that phrase, Raphina. I'm going to use that from now on."

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23: Ireena, Can You Give Us a Hand?

## Summary

Batthwack collects Ireena's arm and the party manager to tip over Goran's oddly lightweight barrel, but the mysterious goo is now solid as a rock. Planning to burn the windmill down, they first evacuate the chickens and toads and Batthwack finds some unusual potions. Will then takes great pleasure in setting light to the windmill with *Bonfires* and smashing it to pieces with *Eldritch Blasts* while Batthwack retrieves a large log from the nearby woods. With the aid of this impromptu battering ram, the weakened structure tumbles down satisfyingly and the group turn their attention to a nearby stone circle, where they find carved depictions of cities in different seasons.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Eric: *"Does Bernard help as well?"* KT: *"Oh yeah, he could help because he's a bear. Yeah."* Greg: *"This is what bears do. When I think of battering down a windmill with a tree, I think bears."*
* KT: *"We hit the keystone and then the whole thing blows up."* Greg: *"Is there a sweet spot?"* Alex: *"Is there a detonator?"* Eric: *"Yeah there's this wire leading away to this box with a handle on top."* Greg: *"Is there an unshielded thermal exhaust port? Is there a trench that would guide us?!"* Abby: *"There's a label on the side of the windmill that says 'Acme'."*
* Greg: *"Since it was just pointed out to us that the last time we investigated something interesting we almost died, I don't think Lank is any more eager to get inside that circle than anybody else."* Abby: *"Once nearly killed, twice shy."*

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Abby/Raphina. The party are using Lank's rope to try and upend the barrel of goop that Goran fell into. Everyone's helping. By "everyone" I mean "everyone except Will" of course, who has instead offered Bernard's services. Abby points out that Ireena, who recently lost an arm, probably isn't helping. Eric: "Yeah, she's still recuperating inside unless you force her out." Raphina: "Hey! Ireena, can you give us a hand? Oh! Oop! ... Nevermind."

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196: Not Even Steve Irwin Liked to Touch an Owl

## Summary

The group come up with a plan to lure Ricardo Ulysses out into the open.

## Synopsis

The group are at Gwen's apartment in Morrow's Inlet. Unable to sleep (as normal), Batthwack talks to Will about the letter he wrote to Curtis, which he read before sending. They also discuss the fact that no-one has heard of Tivoli (Lank is the only other person who had). Will is freaked out by the fact that someone knew he was here in order to send him the note about Vera. They also discuss a plan to find and catch Ricardo Ulysses by baiting him. Batthwack tries to tell Will how his crown has affected him, making him more confident and Will recalls the Amber Sarcophagi. The plan to catch Ricardo Ulysses is explained to the rest of the group. Concerns are raised about how he can change his appearance and how hard he was to fight back on the Airship Goodberry.

The following morning, Gwen makes breakfast (the first normal food Will has seen since he left Tivoli). Will can't understand why Gwen is so happy all the time. She asks why *he's* not happy, but Will can't answer. The group tell Gwen about their plan. They describe Ricardo to her and she thinks he might have been in her candy store. Gwen mentions she has an apprentice called Aleister and the group hypothesise whether Ricardo could have had him under his sway in much the same way that he did Kee. They decide to go to Gwen's candy store to question Aleister. Will decides to disguises himself as Ricardo Ulysses so they can begin baiting him. Batthwack summons Steed for him to ride on.

They head out, back towards Celestial Confections, Will in Ricardo guise riding Steed, making a huge scene all the way, though no-one is really around to see as it's still very early in the day. Gwen heads into the back of the store and Aleister is there. She introduces him to everyone (Will making sure to remind her that he is in fact Ricardo Ulysses). Aleister tells everyone that Ricardo was here a few days ago, but didn't buy anything. He's concerned to hear about Gwen's money troubles. The group decide to get into the heart of the festivities for the puzzle competition, the *Quartly Crumplemeyer Cryptic Crusade*, as this will allow them to create a greater buzz in order to draw out Ricardo.

Batthwack challenges Will (still in Ricardo guise) on something else he wrote in his letter to Curtis *"You want to know who laid the bricks at Gully's End? I don't know what you plan. There are no fucking bricks at Gully's End. Do you understand? Let it go. I won't stop you, at least no yet, but you'd better hope your interference does no harm"*.

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Eric. When KT/Will recalled *"The last goodberry I was presented with was in a sweaty, feathery hand"* (recalling Captain Ool on the Airship Goodberry), Eric claimed the sweaty part was made up, but KT insisted it's canon. Greg commented *"Sweaty feathers. Deal with it!"* and Eric responded *"You know how much Owl's sweat? It's a fact! Not even Steve Irwin liked to touch an owl!"*
11: New Friends, or BIFF! SPLAT! GUANO!

## Summary

Outside the Durst house, the party are confronted by a pack of wolves and Strahd von Zarovich himself. He welcomes the adventurers to his domain, before summoning a ravenous swarm of rats who eat Mydhryn alive. Just as the wolves attack, a dwarf erupts from under the street and a human on a nearby roof joins the frey. A huge cloud of bats carry Lamora off towards the castle, just as Strahd takes his leave and vanishes. Lank the dwarf and Goran the human introduce themselves as the new party take stock.

## Synopsis

A more detailed description of events in this episode.

## Trivia

* The first part of the title simply refers to the podcast's change in personnel this episode, but the second part is a quote from something new player Jose said. Eric was describing Lamora's abduction by bats: *"The weird thing is, the scream seems to be moving, and you can't really track it, you can just tell it's not staying in the same place, just because of all the other noise with the bats... doing their bat thing."* KT: *"Dunna-nunna-nunna-nunna Bat Thing!"* Eric: *"Basically, all you can hear aside from the scream is just sounds of guano splattering everywhere."* Jose: *"BIFF! SPLAT! GUANO!"* Greg: *"Holy bat shit, Batman!"*
* Goran is not to be confused with Gordon: https://beaniepedia.com/beanies/attic-treasures/gordon-the-bear/

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38: Is This a Toothbrush?

## Summary

Recalling their fortune telling about finding a treasure in wood and sand, the group continue to explore the winery. They find a printing press and some bedrooms before making their way downstairs to the cellar, where they are attacked by three more druids.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Add your favourite quotes from the episode here!

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Alex. The party are exploring the winery and at one point discover sleeping quarters complete with footlockers. Looking inside them, Eric explains they contain *"various personal items, a pipe, er... there's a, er... What do people have? What are personal items?!"* Abby: *"Snuffbox..."* KT: *"A big ol', like... I don't know what I was gonna say!"* Eric: *"Dildo."* Alex/Batthwack: *"Is this a toothbrush?"*

## Episode Sponsor

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Aleister Corneo

**Aleister Corneo** is Gwen's tiefling apprentice at her candy store Celestial Confections.

## Description

### Appearance

Being a tiefling, Aleister is vaguely demon-like in appearance. He has dark red skin, horns and a tail.

### Personality and alignment

Aleister sounds quite dark and serious, but appears to be a fairly well-grounded, attentive person. Gwen says he *"keeps up on things a little bit better than I do"* and when the party suggest he could have helped Ricardo steal her money, she says *"I couldn't see Aleister doing something like that. [...] He's so sweet and helpful."* However, she also says *"He's not easily impressed."*

## Home

Aleister resides in Morrow's Inlet as he works with Gwen at Celestial Confections, the candy store on the Waterside of the town. His apartment is down nearer the customs office, closer to the docks in a lower rent district. The quality of living is not bad, but the units are smaller and more tightly packed together.

## Relationships

### Allies

Aleister works with Gwen at the candy store Celestial Confections, helping to make the candy.

## History

When the party meet Gwen she says that Aleister has been her apprentice for about a year.

## References

1. ↑ 196: Not Even Steve Irwin Liked to Touch an Owl
2. ↑ 222: Lizard Pounding
3. ↑ 196: Not Even Steve Irwin Liked to Touch an Owl
4. ↑ 196: Not Even Steve Irwin Liked to Touch an Owl
77: The Last Episode (Of Leave It To Beaver)

## Summary

In the corner of the room, the party discover a flesh golem disturbingly constructed from bits of themselves, though it is later revealed to have been an illusion. While Raphina plays dueling viols with Clovin, Will goes outside and finds scarecrows lining a walkway along the top of the courtyard walls. Crossing over to the east wing, they continue to explore rooms on the upper floor, eventually finding a rack brimming with shiny weaponry, but when Batthwack eagerly grabs a lance, they literally get a nasty shock.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Will: *"There's a dead me on the table?!"* Raphina: *"It's not just you. Do you think this golem is about you? You're so vain."*

## Trivia

* The episode title refers to a couple of quotes from the episode. While searching for the woman believed to be van Richten's mentee, the party discover the oddly dust-free hospital room, and KT jokes, *"Clearly a woman was here because it's clean!"* Thus begins a running gag for the rest of the episode as KT and Eric riff on other excellent ways to identify if a woman has been in the area: *"There were a lot of emotions in this room,"* *"Not a lot of logic or good at math-ness,"*, *"There are 30 crashed cars"* and *"Where's the kitchen? That's where we'll find her!"* Cue the first of many end credit fakeouts, as it's decided that the podcast can't possibly survive the reveal that everyone involved is a horrendous misogynist. At the end of the episode, after looking up that it was Barbara Billingsley who delivered the classic *"I speak jive"* bit from *Airplane!* (1980), who also played June Cleaver in *Leave It to Beaver*, Eric asks *"What's the title of the final episode of Leave It to Beaver?"* KT: *"And the title of the final episode of Pork Fried Dice."*
* A rampart is a broad defensive wall that can often be walked on top of: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rampart\_%28fortification%29
* A parapet is a upward extension of the outside edge of a wall, either as a defensive measure or simply to act as a guard rail: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parapet
* The subject of Carly Simon's *You're So Vain* has long been a matter of speculation, with Simon stating that the song refers to three men, only one of whom she has named publicly: Warren Beatty: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You%27re\_So\_Vain

## Gallery

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A Little Off The Top

***A Little Off The Top*** was the hair salon, recommended to Will (disguised as Wa-Marko) by the shop assistant at *Threaded Stock*.

The shop assistance, trying to reassure Will that his maroon suit looked good, said *"I'm gonna put you in something that you're gonna look good in. That's my job."* Will (in disguise): *"Yeah, but look at my hair. I look terrible."* Assistant: *"I mean, I could recommend a good stylist if you'd like?"* Will: *"Yes, I would like. What is the stylist's name and where?"* Assistant: *"It's a little on the other side of town here and on the Frontside, of course. It's called* A Little Off The Top*. And you should ask for Maurice."*

## Quotes

Any memorable quotes about this location.
111: Who Do You Think I Am, Mr. Peanut?!

## Summary

The night passes uneventfully (unless you're counting the moment that Batthwack hears the unnaturally low shriek of some kind of giant hawk as an event), so in the morning they start off again, immediately encountering an illusion of Beucephalus guarding the bridge across the river. Batthwack spies an unusually calm pool in the raging torrent below, and a face in the water that he feels a spiritual connection to tells him cryptically, *"They are not who they seem."* Victor leads them further into the mountains, they hurry past the hate-filled goat Sangzor, before finally arriving at the Amber Temple.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Add your favourite quotes from the episode here!

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes KT. The party have trekked through a snow storm to finally reach the Amber Temple. Will looks around for any signs of life, or other visitors to this place, but KT rolls a 1 on their Investigation check, so no evidence is found. Eric: *"Alright, so you guys see Will scrabbling around on the ground, digging through the snow, looking for footprints."* KT: *"I'm disorientated."* Abby: *"Did you lose your glasses? Is your monocle gone?"* KT: *"Monocle?! Who do you think I am? Mr Peanuts?!"*

## Recap Song

*Main article: The Music of Pork Fried Dice*
This episode featured Eric doing a recap to the tune of the theme from *The Beverly Hillbillies* (the 1962 TV show) written by Paul Henning:

*[Verse 1]*

Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named Victor

A poor aspiring mage, of the Amber Temple wanted to be the victor

And then one day he was walking through Berez

And up through the mountains led the party to a pass-z

Tsolenka that is... Really cold... Twig-ig tea

*[Verse 2]*

Well the first thing you know two demon statues are in the air

And Batthwack said, *"I'll climb all the way up there!"*

Victor said, *"The Amber Temple is the place we ought to be"*

So they slaughtered both the vrocks and up the road they all did flee

Just 40 feet that is... In a tower... Sleepover

The Barovia Strahd-Killies!

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112: Great, We're At a Sarcastic Temple

## Summary

A very quick and broad summary of events in this episode will go here. Eventually.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Add your favourite quotes from the episode here!

## Trivia

* The episode title is a quote from Greg. Having entered the temple, Lank is now beginning to feel like he wants to get out of this place. He says to Batthwack, *"This doesn't feel safe,"* and as soon as the last word leaves his lips, a fire bolt shoots over his shoulder narrowly missing him. Batthwack/Alex: *"Oh, well, it doesn't seem very safe, does it?"* Greg: *"Did he say the word safe too?!"* Eric: *"The timing of it did not seem like it was a trigger. It seemed more ironic."* Greg: *"Great. We're in a sarcastic temple."*

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12: GILFs, Get Your Tongues Ready!

## Summary

Will leads the party to the Blood of the Vine tavern where they meet Ismark, son of the village burgomaster. He explains that Strahd is a vampire who has become fixated with his sister Ireena and the party agrees to help escort her to the town of Vallaki for her safety. Will inadvertently uses his locket to summon his dead brother Frederick as a quasit and Goran learns that a Vistana he is searching for called Madam Eva, can be found at the Tser Pool encampment. Ismark offers the party lodgings at his father's mansion, and on the way there, the party are briefly distracted by Mary's house, learning that her daughter Gertruda has run away from home.

## Synopsis

A more detailed description of events in this episode.

## Quotes

* Will: *"You're just gonna go in a crying woman's house...? Guys."* Lank: *"We just need to make sure that she's alright."* Will: *"What if she just broke up with her boyfriend? Or, I mean, what if she's half naked in there?"* Nick: *"Guys! Maybe she's half naked in there! Let's go!"* Jose: *"Gorin's already scaling the side of the house, telescope in hand."* Eric: *"Broke up over the boyfriend: check. Half naked: check."* Goran: *"Hey baby, you like to lute?!"* Lank: *"We're on our way ma'am!"* Goran: *"I know how to play the pipes. HoW aBoUt YoU?"*

## Trivia

* The episode title was a quote from Jose. Goran wanted to talk to the Vistani women at the Blood of the Vine. When it came to his turn, Eric said *"And let's jump over to Goran who..."* Jose: *"... is making out with all three of these women at the same time!"* Eric: *"Just all of your faces together, just kind of swirling your tongues around."* Jose: *"It's real awkward, but I find it so fulfilling."* Eric: *"I neglected to mention, they all seem about 90 years old."* Jose: *"GILFs, Get your tongues ready! I'm only rolling 20s tonight!"*

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104: I'm Gonna S.O.S. Her Ass Outta Here

## Summary

Lank finally manages to yank out the gem, disabling the walking hut, and an incensed Baba Lysaga demonstrates her terrifying power by making the party dodge a huge fireball. Raphina counters this by *Banishing* the witch, and while she's gone, they set about freeing the caged ravens (one of which is Davian the Ravian!) and rummaging through the contents of the booby-trapped, crawling-hand-infested chest in Baba's hut. Scarecrows then stumble out of the undergrowth and attack.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Add your favourite quotes from the episode here!

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Abby! The party are battling Baba Lysaga, who has just assaulted them with a fireball and is now calling forth her minions from the undergrowth. Abby is wondering about casting *Banishment*, but undecided. Abby: *"All right. I'm going to do it. I'm going to try to banish her."* Eric: *"Okay."* Abby: <makes a series of beepings noises!> KT: *"It's morse code."* Eric: *"Yep. You pull out a telegraph machine."* Abby: *"Yeah, I'm going to S.O.S. her ass outta here! ... If possible."*
* The Morse code on KT's art for this episode reads *"DILDO DILDO"*
* Gamera spins! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j51XdsXGjFQ

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55: Turn Left at the Short Sword

## Summary

The old lady, confirmed to be Lady Fiona Wachter, clearly despises the Baron, but insists she only reported the Baron's death based on what she had been told. Will and Lank question Izek, who professes his loyalty to the Baron and denies any involvement in the murder plot, and when Batthwack casts *Zone of Truth*, Fiona is forced to confess that she leads a cult of Strahd loyalists including the four town guards that arrested Izek, and also that she did in fact order Blinsky to kill the Baron. When Raphina asks Izek about the dolls made to look like Ireena, he becomes agitated; it seems they're modelled on someone that comes to him in his dreams, and in the confusion Fiona orders her guards to attack. Meanwhile, elsewhere in Vallaki, the Blue Water Inn dramatically erupts in flames.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Add your favourite quotes from the episode here!

## Trivia

* The episode title is a quote from Alex/Batthwack. Batthwack offers Izek a weapon and hands him a shortsword he's been carrying around. He's clearly forgotten that he actually picked up this particular shortsword in Izek's room while they were searching the mansion last night. Izek: *"Is this mine?! Do you have these guards in my room?"* He's already upset about the Baron/Will's secret guard which he didn't know about. Lank: *"Your mayoral-ness, there was that like hour-and-a-half that we were looking for the bathroom because we couldn't find you to ask you where the bathroom was and we ended up in all sorts of crazy places."* Batthwack: *"You said turn left at the shortsword."*

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Battle of Urdrock

The **Battle of Urdrock** was a conflict between Batthwack's dragonborn clan and the Urdrock goblin tribe. It was at this battle that Batthwack had spared the life of the goblin tribe's leader Thrunch Bouldergut, the act which ultimately led to him being exiled from his dragonborn clan.

## Battle of Urdrock Facts!

* 27: Mist-ical Visions: Part 3: "You are standing alone at the low point of a grassy valley. [...] It's an open sort grassland valley, nothing really noticeable in sight. You can see the horizon stretching out all around you, [...] There's nobody around, no structures or anything like that. [...] A mass of some type of creatures, hurtling down that side of the valley directly at you. [...] They resolve into a horde of dark green skinned goblins. [...] This valley is the site of the great [Battle] of Urdrock. This is the one in which your dragonborn clan had finally defeated the evil Urdrock goblin tribe that had been vexing you for almost a decade. It was a long drawn out campaign against them, and this was the final point, this large battle here in this valley. And these were the goblins that you fought then, the only difference though is rather than being surrounded by your clan members as you were those years ago, this time you stand alone. [...] The horde in front of you is upon you. And they start to leap at you with with bared teeth and jagged swords."

...

* Discord Post, June 18 2021: "Lemme see if I can scrounge something up [...] (full DM disclosure/confession - this was before I even conceived of Six Rivers!) [...] Found it! [...] It's "Urdrock" [...] and per my notes, it was the Battle of Urdrock [...] I don't think the valley was named Urdrock - it just happened to be where the battle took place [...] but this is just based on the notes I wrote - I very well may have said it differently while playing"
79: Peace Cheese

## Summary

Will's hostage taker is none other than the Vistana they've been searching for, one Ezmerelda d'Avenir, who is impressed with the party's exploits thus far and agrees to lead them to the werewolf den. The next morning they're just leaving the abbey when a disembodied voice leads Ireena to the village's shrine, where she is drawn to a vision of Sergei, Strahd's brother, in the pool. Mysteriously, he calls her by the name Tatyana, which doesn't faze her, in fact she is determined to join him, but before anyone can do anything, there's a bolt of lightning and Strahd himself appears.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Nick (when Will pretends the locked chest has his heart medication inside to get Nick to help, but it actually turns out it contain some bones): *"Are you okay?"* Will: *"I'm fine. I was just, you know, testing you to see how fast you can unlock a lock."* Nick: *"So you don't have heart..."* Will: *"Yes I do! I have it, but I was just using that as my lie... smoother."* Eric: *"Your lie lube!"*

## Trivia

* The episode title is a quote from Abby/Raphina. Ezmerelda, the Vistana, has a knife to Will's throat and Raphina tries to diffuse the situation by suggesting they use the knife for something else, like cutting cheese! Batthwack casts Sanctuary on Will, who feels less at risk as a result. Abby: *"You attribute it to Raphina's peace-making activities with the cheese."* A little later when Lank wanders in and asks what's going on, Raphina explains, *"My peace cheese isn't working."*

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76: Snickerdoodle

## Summary

The Angel erases his memory of Ireena and once back in his Abbot form, he promises to help the party if they bring him a wedding dress for Vasilka. He leaves them to wander the abbey freely and the group begin exploring the wine cellar, where they find a lot of wine and a *Scroll of Scrying*. Next they go up to the loft and belfry where a two-headed mongrelfolk (Clovin, they presume) is playing the viol.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Add your favourite quotes from the episode here!

## Trivia

* The episode title refers to the weird name of the wine that KT was drinking during the session. When the party descend into the abbey's cellar and find racks full of wine bottles, KT asks *"What kind? What's on the label?"* Alex: *"Snickerdoodle"*
* Oprah's birth name is Orpah! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oprah\_Winfrey
* *"That has sort of an oakey afterbirth"* from *The Office*: https://youtu.be/af0GMFIlb4Q
* The *Barrel of Monkeys* Wikipedia article (in the highly unlikely case a millennial is reading this): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barrel\_of\_Monkeys
* Viol: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viol
* Arpeggione: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arpeggione

## Gallery

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All That And A Bag Of Holding

**All That And A Bag Of Holding** is a store on Morrow's Inlet's Waterside, selling magical items. Batthwack goes here looking for a diamond, after a dragon arrives and terrorises the townsfolk.

## Description

Outside the store has an air of mystery about it, not having any large window displays.

Inside, the store is described as being very cluttered and overwhelming to the senses. It's floor-to-ceiling shelves arranged in aisles are heavily packed with a wide variety of very random items. it apparently sells magical items as well as some weapons. There's a counter at one end of the store.

* 310: What Kind of God Needs a Carnival?: Sheemie: "It was a variety of stuff. It was some magical items and that kind of thing. It's that kind of stuff. Sundry, somewhat eclectic goods."

## People

The store is run by a husband and wife and their son, Sheemie.

## Episode Appearances

* 191: He Said "Teat" - When arriving at *Tomorrow, Today!* customs office, the woman staffing the desk suggests they could look in *All That And A Bag Of Holding* for the items that Ricardo Ulysses stole from them. A short while later, the group walk past the store.
* 226: What CAN'T Will Turn Into? A Pleasant Person? JUST KIDDING! - Batthwack goes here on his hunt for a diamond. He commands/scares the store owners into leaving and steals a chest fixed to the floor.

## Quotes

Any memorable quotes about this location.

## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 226: What CAN'T Will Turn Into? A Pleasant Person? JUST KIDDING!
2. ↑ 191: He Said "Teat"
Bahamut

**Bahamut** was a dragon deity, of importance to Batthwack, who carried a shield emblazoned with his symbol.

### Religion

The city of Beartoggle had a shrine to Bahamut, the Grand Tabernacle of Bahamut.

## Bahamut Facts!

* 27: Mist-ical Visions: Part 3: Batthwack has a vision of Lank surrounded by a power sun-like light: "It captivates you, it's very similar to this warm light that enveloped you at the beginning of this vision and it fills you with the same feeling over your life that sometimes has caused you to suspect that Bahamut is not really the true source of your power as a paladin. You're certain that whatever this is that's powering this aura that surrounds Lank is the same force that stayed your hand in that Battle of Urdrock, when you pardoned Thrunch Bouldergut, the goblin's clan leader, which led to your eventual exile from your clan."
* 338: He Shall Jump on a Trampoline in the Autumn Time: Alex: "Batthwack's not sure Bahamut's real anymore."

## References

1. ↑ 248: I'm Bloodhorn Leghorn and I'm a Sheep
101: Suddenly, You're Wearing Purple Overalls

## Summary

When the party's visions fade, they find themselves all together on the outskirts of a ruined village. They decide to take stock and rest up in the shelter of a dilapidated cottage. While they sleep, Bernard is summoned and sent on a scouting mission that reveals a ruined mansion, some goats in a pen, a few scarecrows, and a hut on a tree stump where squawking ravens are crammed into cages.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Raphina: *"I think he's trying to make up for something he feels bad for. I don't know what, because you're just sashaying around with stories about how terrible he is, or something. You're alluding to something Will!"* Will: *"I'm not saying he's that terrible. I'm just saying..."* Raphina (under her breath): *"Sashay, sashay."* Will: *"...he thinks he's terrible, and maybe he is, but his opinion of himself is that."* Raphina: *"I still can tell what your emotions are. And your emotion right now is jackassery."*

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Eric. Lank is troubled by the vision he and Will had shared, which made them both realise that they had in fact worked together some years earlier. It reminded Lank that he had previously been quite a different person back then. KT, while thinking how Will would react, said: *"I don't know what to think of this man. He was a brute, really not a good guy. And now he's like, 'I'm so conflicted.' And I'm like 'Whaat?'"* Eric imitates this last word, which had a hint of Luigi's arch-rival from the Mario franchise. Greg: *"We had an adventure and we brought Waluigi back with us."* KT says, *"I do have a moustache! I am not wearing overalls. No, no, you're excited, you love Waluigi."* Eric: *"You look down. Suddenly, you're wearing purple overalls."* KT: *"Nooooo!"*
* The title of "fifth Beatle" has been applied to a few people, including original manager Brian Epstein: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fifth\_Beatle

## Gallery

*Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice*
Durham CS4

Durham CS4

The Durham CS4 is a light sports car produced by English manufacturer Durham between 1969 to 1985. Originally intended as a low-production car for the compact sports market, the CS4 would end up becoming vital to Durham's continued existence through the 1970's and 80's.

The CS4 was introduced in 1969 to replace the then-aging Durham CS3, which had been in continuous production since the late 1950's. While the earlier model had been aimed squarely at the high-end luxury sports market, the CS4 opted to shift the aim further down, best exemplified by the use of much smaller, significantly less powerful engines. This also led the CS4 to become significantly cheaper and more economical than the CS3. Though this move was heavily criticized in its early years, once the looming fuel crisis became apparent between 1972-73, the CS4 enjoyed a massive sales boost which lasted through the 1970's. Its lacking power was more than complimented by its excellent handling and fuel economy, as well as general reliability. It was available with mechanical fuel injection, which known as the CS4i.

While the CS4 was available with a 3-liter V6 engine producing 153 horsepower, this engine was dropped entirely in late 1973 due to rtightening emissions regulations. This left only the 2-liter inline 4, producing 98 horsepower at 5700 rpm. Additionally, later the same year, new plastic bumpers were fitted to comply with the USA's 5-mph impact bumper regulations. To save costs, these new bumpers were utilized on every CS4 model, and were heavily advertised as a safety feature in markets outside the US.

While power was considered lacking especially in later models, the small engine and profile of the car made it very light - the 1975 model weighing in at 917 kilograms - over 100 kilograms lighter than the V6 model. It was widely praised for its sharp handling, as well as general playful driving profile. This led to it being lovingly nicknamed "Taipan", denominating its small stature but competitive performance.

In 1973, a select few CS4 models were ordered in the gap between the introduction of new bumpers and the discontinuation of the V6 engine, leading to some models featuring the V6 engine in addition to new plastic bumpers. These models have since become sought after among collectors, mainly for their rarity.

The CS4 was discontinued in 1985, after slowly declining sales through the early 1980's. It has remained popular among enthusiasts.
Abbey of Saint Markovia

The **Abbey of Saint Markovia** was a location referred to in Madam Eva's fortune telling.

## Areas of the Abbey of Saint Markovia

**(1) North Gate**.

**(2) Graveyard**.

**(3) Abbey Entrance**.

**(4) Garden Gatehouse**.

**(5) Gardens**.

**(6) Madhouse**.

**(6A) Hungry Mongrelfolk**.

**(6B) Mongrelfolk Fort**.

**(6C) Incanting Mongrelfolk**.

**(6D) Mongrelfolk Babies**.

**(7) Courtyard**.

**(8) Office**.

**(9) Main Hall**.

**(10) Wine Cellar**.

**(11) Loft and Belfry**.

**(12) Curtain Wall**.

**(13) Barracks**.

**(14) Upstairs Office**.

**(15) Hospital**.

**(16) Nursery**.

**(17) Guest Bedroom**.

## Mongrelfolk

* 73: It's Either a Spell or an Auction House: The Abbot: "Those are the mongrelfolk, descended down from a family long ago. I regret to say that I am in some ways responsible for their states. Though in my defence, they did request such deformities be put upon them. [...] The family was by the name of the Belviews, and this was long, long ago. A lot of them were born with mild deformities. And instead of reviling them, they embraced them and wished for more. I granted their wish but it seems that it maybe went a bit too far."

## Abbey of Saint Markovia Facts!

To be compiled into the article at some point...

* 18: It HAS Been Real!: "This card sheds light on one who will help you greatly in the battle against darkness. A Vistana wanders this land alone, searching for her mentor. She does not stay in one place for long. Seek her out at St. Markovia's Abbey near the mists."
* 28: The Fifth Pope of London: Father Lucian: "I would certainly offer up a place to take [Ireena] in, if you have another no other place to go. It would involve another journey, may provide more significant and more holy and deserving place for you though, there's the Abbey, the grand Abbey in the village of Krezk down the road, the next village. That is a significant place of worship." / "Maybe the Abbey in Krezk... I'm sure that their being this utmost bastion of goodness in the land, they almost certainly would have a waffle iron for you to commandeer."

## Quotes

Any memorable quotes about this location.

## Gallery

*Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice*
94: Tall Guy And Beard Face: The Smash Brothers

* 96: Fart Stain - or, Raphina Breaks the Game (Canonical Episode)

## Summary

Will's actual head is safe and sound and still attached to Will's body, but when Lank and Batthwack experimentally push the severed head off the pedestal, unbeknownst to them, Will feels the effect of that as if it were his own head. The wounded stranger is Savid, a dusk elf from the Vistani camp outside Vallaki who took refuge in the mansion but is now desperate to leave, being convinced that it's haunted. Will is finally coaxed inside by Bernard and they explore the mansion's third floor, where rubble from the collapsed ceiling litters the floor, and Lank is met with an unwelcoming voice from the throne room, which says, "Go away."

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Raphina: *"Will, do you need any help?"* Will: *"Yeah, stand in front of me if something comes and hits me."* Raphina (sarcastically): *"Ah ha ha."* Will: *"Hahaha, it sounds like a joke right?"*
* Greg: *"I'm gonna sort of scramble on in here, and one more time say, 'Hello?'"* Eric: *"And you hear from the throne a very deep voice say, 'Go away.'"* Abby: *"Oh. No-one is ever happy to see us."*

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Greg and KT. The party are exploring the castle. Well, everyone except Will who is lurking downstairs, having begrudgingly set foot inside the door only quite recently. Lank and Batthwack are exploring upstairs to the balconies on the first floor. Eric: *"Batthwack, you can see over the railing because you're taller."* Greg: *"Because he's tall guy. I can't even see through my beard."* Eric: *"Beardy."* Greg: *"Because I'm Beard Face."* Later, Bernard questions Will. *"What's going on? Where are you going? Where are they going? Are you going in?"* Will: *"I don't want to go in. Those are the people that smash things and they're going upstairs and..."* Greg: *"Ya know, Tall Guy and Beard Face!"* KT: "The Smash Brothers!" Greg: *"It's one of those pictures where it's like two guys leaning against each other with their arms like this, but it's me leaning on Batthwack's ankles."*

## Gallery

*Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice*
84: I Thought There Was Gonna Be a Gold-Plated Toilet

## Summary

The group learn that the treasure is cursed just in time to warn Lank not to touch it, and when the werewolf reveals that the statue represents Mother Night, Will suddenly recalls one of their tarokka card readings which told them of a treasure of bone to be returned to its resting place. Batthwack swiftly decapitates the werewolf mercifully, before playfully throwing the bloody head at Will (who immediately begins plotting his revenge), while Lank and Raphina free the boy who turns out to be the one-and-only Nat! When they descend into the treasure cave to look at the dragon skull, Batthwack and Nick have intense feelings of dread, and Will is transported (courtesy of the Swirly Man) to a vision of what opulent luxuries might await him when he completes his task of supplanting Strahd as lord of Barovia.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* KT: *"I emerge from the shadows..."* Eric: *"...TM"*
* KT: *"What is this treasure of bone?! I thought we're gonna figure the last card out, now it's just my naked mom."* Eric: *"Will's mom wants to know about the treasure of bone."*

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Alex. Will is transported away by the Swirly Man to get a glimpse of what spoils might be his if he successfully supplants Strahd. After witnessing a sumptious dining hall, a vault filled with money, a decadent bedroom and a bath filled with hot, soapy water, he's suddenly returned to where he started. Eric: *"You're back in the throne room with the figure before you."* KT: *"Great..."* Alex: *"Oh, I thought there was gonna be a gold-plated toilet."*

## Gallery

*Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice*
45: The Setting is the 90s

## Summary

While Lank rests, Batthwack and Raphina seek out Rictavio for advice on defeating Strahd, and they examine Madam Eva's card readings, Rictavio providing what insight he can. Back at the Blue Water Inn, they meet up with Will, who insists they accompany him back to Blinsky's shop, which they find closed up and empty, with no sign of the toymaker. They make their way to the baron's mansion where they are welcomed in and dinner is served.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Add your favourite quotes from the episode here!

## Trivia

* The group find Blinsky's shop abandoned and begin to search for clues. Abby: *"Check his wallet. Is his wallet there?"* KT: *"Cell phone! Did he leave a cell phone? What were his last texts?"* Eric: *"The wallet is there and the chain attached to it is leading to... nothing. You know that he never detaches his chain wallet from his JNCO jeans."* Abby: *"Is this a reference to something?"* KT: *"No, just the 90s."* Abby: *"I always wondered when D&D took place. The setting is the 90s."*

## Episode Sponsor

*Main article: The Adverts of Pork Fried Dice*
This episode was brought to you by the **Vallakipellas**, Barovia's niftiest barbershop quartet. The Vallakipellas, because listening to them is better than sitting and waiting to die.

## Gallery

*Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice*
Aurorist AeroCoupe

09' AeroCoupe EHi Trim

The Aurorist AeroCoupe was a Coupe/Convertible produced by Aurorist Automotive from 1943-2009. Introduced to run along the Forty-One, The AeroCoupe was a new AreoDynamic coupe planned by Jay A. Rammis in 1942. In 1943, when the car was released Jay stated that AeroCoupe would be a Legacy, and that as long as he was the head of office, the AeroCoupe was to be in the lineup. The Forty-One was cut off of production, in favor of the AeroCoupe which was selling fast. Coming in 7 colors in 1952. The car ran until 2009, when Aurorist noticed the decreasing sales
81: We Don't Have A Lot Of Repeat Customers

## Summary

The Burgomaster of Krezk arrives with an angry rabble of villagers and demands that Ezmerelda leave at once; her kind are spies for Strahd and they won't tolerate her presence. In solidarity the party go with her and the gates are shut behind them. They take a short rest, during which Ezmerelda tells the group about a tower where her mentor had researched ways to defeat Strahd, and then they set off, eventually locating the entrance to the werewolf den.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Add your favourite quotes from this episode here!

## Trivia

* The episode title is a quote from Greg. Eric: *"I'm trying to think of what Bernard's name is in frog form."* KT: *"<Brrp>-nard"* Eric: *"That's pretty good!"* Raphina: *"I can't believe people listen to this and keep listening to it."* Eric says, *"You don't understand, all the numbers we have, they are just single people, one episode downloaded. We've reached so many people, all with one download, two minutes of listening time."* Greg: *"We don't have a lot of repeat customers."*
* Shark Night 3D (2011): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBEn0In7Ufg

## Recap

*Main article: The Music of Pork Fried Dice*
This episode featured Eric doing a recap which he titled *Strahd!*:

As if by an act of God, Strahd appeared in front of the squad on the esplanade, knocking many of them to the sod, and he attempted to charm Ireena through some devilish fraud. Will wasn't odd and on and on he jawed while appreciating the way the villain was shod. Strahd did not applaud but began an attack as if such speech were outlawed. On and on the fight did plod, it proved hard to penetrate his facade, and Will try to turn him into a cod, though that approach proved flawed. Nick tried to get Batthwack to applaud. Strahd tried to punch Lank all the way to Cape Cod, then Belgrade, then Novgorod, then Riyadh. Raphina produced a magical popcorn popper at which everyone guffawed and Batthwack's holy symbol rode roughshod over Strahd. The vampire then clutched Raphina's vertebrae tighter than peas in a pea pod, and his teeth sawed into the neck of the odd little Phalangepot. The group's opinion on what to do seesawed, multiple fingernails were gnawed, but Ireena eventually told Strahd she would be his bawd. Raphina clawed at his retinol rod, but then, with a wink and a nod, Ireena burst into flame making him hotter than the hot beats on your cool cousin's iPod, or the exhaust of a souped-up hot rod. The group ooh-d and aah-d and did applaud, I uttered a ribald comment about Lank shooting his wad at the sight of Ireena's exposed quad, and she then walked past the slipshod gazebo, now little more than a tripod, and disappeared into the pond as if in a tale from Scheherazade, ostensibly to do gross sex things to Sergei's bod. The end.

## Gallery

*Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice*
Arbiter Beartoggle

**Arbiter Beartoggle** was the older halfling woman atop the Toggle Dam, who welcomed competitors and started the Grand Staircase Footrace. They were presumably the city of Beartoggle's head of government. When Will asked Dean Kellerman if the city had a mayor, he mentioned the arbiter.

## Arbiter Beartoggle Facts!

To be compiled into the article at some point...

* 286: Mustard Soup: Eric clarifies the Arbiter's role: "That's basically the mayor of Beartoggle"

## References

1. ↑ 262: On Your Marks, Get Set, STAIRCASE!
2. ↑ 251: 50% Milk