Bill Cipher VS Sans (Gravity Falls VS Undertale)

Bill Cipher VS Sans is the 68th One Minute Melee, featuring professional trolls Bill Cipher of *Gravity Falls* and Sans of *Undertale.*

## Intro

(Cue: Snowy - Undertale)

The two skeletal brothers Papyrus and **Sans** walk through the forest of Snowdin Village.

Papyrus: *“SO THEN I SAID ‘HEY UNDYNE! IS THAT A HUMAN OVER THER!?!”*

Sans: *“and then what?”*

Papyrus: “*SHE LOOKED!! Though, I did get a hundred noogies in return cause of that silly prank. BUT THAT IS ONLY A SLIGHT FEEBLE ATTEMPT TO ACTUALLY DOWN I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS!”*

Sans: *“...uhhh?”*

Papyrus: *“SOMETHING ON YOUR MIND BROTHER?”*

Sans: *“well, for starters, i guess thats one way to ‘jog your noggin’.*

Papyrus: *“OH C’MON! EVEN I DON’T SAY PUNS THAT MUCH AND THAT WAS IN BAD TASTE!!*

Sans: *“chill bro, you and i both know that-“*

The two pass by **Bill Cipher** sitting on a couch, held up by snow-hilled covering.

Bill: *“What’s up?”*

Sans: *“s’up"* (he suddenly stops) *"...wait, what?”*

Sans and Papyrus turn around to see the floating top-hatted pyramid.

Papyrus: *“WHY HELLO THERE, ODDLY SHAPED TRIANGULAR SIR! I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU AROUND THESE PARTS!”*

Bill: *“Gimme a moment, what’s this shindig called anyway?”*

Papyrus: *“WELL...ER... THIS SHINDIG AS WE CALL IT IS THE FOREST OF SNOWDIN! AND-“*

Bill: *“Right, cool. The amazing Papyrus, got it. Anywa, name’s Bill Cipher, cosmic tyrant, herald of chaos, source of all things that are incomprehensible to the feeble mind. Here’s my business card.”*

Bill takes the text box off the screen and hands it to Papyrus. It now reads several intelligible words in hieroglyphic, along with his picture. Papyrus started at it, confused.

Bill: *”You can keep that one, I’ve got tons on me anyway!”*

Papyrus: *“UH... YES! IT SEEMS MY NAME PRECEDES ME! YOU HEAR THAT SANS? I’M BECOMING MORE ACKNOWLEDGEABLE BY THE SECOND!*

Sans: *“ay, pap? dont mean to barge in on friendly chit-chat, but i think theres some puzzles in need of maintenance.”*

Papyrus: *“GASP!!! YOU’RE RIGHT! FOR KNCE, YOU’VE DONE SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE! DO NOT WORRY TRIANGULAR FRIEND. I WILL BE BACK AT A MOMENT’S NOTICE!!”*

Papyrus takes to his puzzles, running off the scene. Bill floats to Sans’ side,

Bill: *”...He’s a keeper.”*

Sans: *”yep.”*

Bill: *“Deliciously naive, blissfully unaware. He’s a perfect subject!”*

(Cue: Megalovania - Undertale)

Without even looking back, Sans grabs Bill with his telekinesis (engulfing him in a blue aura) and then tossing him into a nearby tree.

Bill: *“Jeez! Is this how you treat your guests?! Oh great!! Now I‘ve even got splinters in my eye! Seriously! Everytime!*

Sans’ eyeballs seem to disappear.

Sans: *“Don’t play dumb with me. I know your type. The type that is never satisfied.”*

Sans’ left eye shines a blue light, while the right stays unpresented.

Sans: *“If you think I’m just going to-“*

Bill takes out a radio and turns off the music.

(music stops)

Bill then puts on his own tracks.

(Cue: WhackAttack)

Bill tosses the radio behind him and shrugs, as Sans looks at him oddly.

Bill: *“...What? Can’t exactly exercise without my jams. And boy, do I know the perfect subject to be my treadmill!”*

## NOBODY BLINK!

Sans smiles as he lifts a Gaster Blaster behind himself as it shoots a large laser. Bill steps to the side, dodging the laser and it’s explosion. He does this two more times, then again by stretching out his legs. Bill taunts the skeleton, but this is stopped when he is hit by a bone in the backside, flinging him into the air, and allowing the Gaster Blaster to bounce him in the air, then teaming with another to fire a laser. The tip of the Triangle is pinned into a tree. Once he gets up, he stares down another Gaster Blaster, which fires another laser. Bill emerges from the explosion, turning his eye into a tongue and spitting at the bonehead, until yet another Gaster Blaster appears behind him and fires a laser. But this one is surprised when he finds Cipher riding on him, forcing him to fire lasers at 4 of his comrades, destroying several trees as Bill laughs in the distance and tipping his top hat. Sans, still smiling, creates a bone and flings it at the dream demon. Bill, reacting accordingly, splits his bodies into two halves for the bone to pass through him, but Sans uses his telekinesis to bump the two halves together, and into the ground. Then, still having control of the triangle, slams him into the trees like a pinball.

Sans: *“Oh. Tilt.”*

Bill rockets off the tree and behind Sans. Pointing and screaming, Bill plants a piece of paper saying *“KICK ME”* onthe skeleton’s back. Preparing his leg into a gigantic knot, he kicks forward, but ends up kicking himself in the back, causing him to zoom around the entire forest before crashing in front of his opponent, as Sans cracks up.

Sans: *“boy, i sure got a ‘kick‘ out of that. You must‘ve even put your ‘sole’ into that.”*

Bill, angered, grows to the size of the trees and glows red and white.

Bill: *“WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!?”*

Bill lifts his gigantic fist and throws it into Sans, but he managed to teleport right beside It, rolling across. Bill, agitated, tries to dash towards Sans, but he only is forced back to his place across from Sans in his standard size and appearance. He tries it again, but he's again forced back in place. Angered, Bill decides to snap his fingers, as the colors of the surroundings are reversed. Bill has stopped Time. Floating over to Sans, he readies his hands and then slaps the skeleton across the face before leaning back and snapping once again. Sans suffers a multitude of powerful blows, before being sent flying into a tree.

**K.O!**

(music stops)

Bill floats up next to the fallen skeleton.

Bill: *“You look like you had a bad time.”*

Bill chuckles.

Bill: *“Get it! It’s your stupid one liner!”*

Bill punches him lightly many times, as Sans gives a lifeless smile.

Bill: *“Hoo boy, I crack myself up. But now you gotta die, so nice knowin‘ ya! Oh wait. It wasn’t!”*

Bill’s hands set blue flames, and blue flames conquer the space around him. As he prepares to finish the fight, a dog appears in front of him. The dream demon’s eye widens.

Bill: *”...Who left this mutt here?”*

The dog barks.

Bill: *“Excuse me? I’m still having a good time!”*

The dog barks again as Sans pulls out a bottle of ketchup.

Bill: *“Oh, last I checked, you weren’t the time police, so beat it.*

The dog barks. Sans has begun chugging the bottle of ketchup.

Bill: *“Oh yeah? What’re you gonna do about it?”*

The dog takes out a gigantic hammer, much to the surprise of Bill and Sans (as the Metal Gear Alert Theme is heard)

Bill: *“...What is that?... Wait, the Hat of Discipline?”*

The hammer bashes into Bill Cipher, creating a laser viewable through the whole forest. Bill has completely disappeared from the scene. The dog runs off, and Sans collapses against the tree.

From an apartment in a city, Bill sits in a flat room watching the scene on his computer.

Bill: *“Eh, he was overrated anyway.”*

The dream demon carelessly flips the computer and keyboard, creating a small explosion. A spare table rises up as Bill starts filing his nails.

Bill: *“Hope their franchise bombs or whatever. Think the fanbase has got that covered already."* (his eye suddenly widens) "*Oh yeah! Today’s the holiday!”*

(Cue: Bill Cipher's Theme - Gravity Falls)

Bill flips his hat, transforming it into a witch‘s hat. The room background quickly flips into a dark forest. Bill clenches to a broomstick.

Bill: *“Merry Bill-Mas-O-Ween!”*

Bill boards the broom.

Bill: *“I copyrighted that. Donut steel.”*

The broom revs up as Bill rides in into the moon.

**This melee’s winner is...**

**Bill: *“ME!”***

## Trivia

* The Bill artwork in the thumbnail was made by The-Magpie. Sans’ was made by Dragons-Roar.
* On the HyperGauge Discord server, Mali‘s hint towards this episode was that it would release in Halloween.
* The moment where Bill is bashed into trees by Sans’ telekinesis is a reference to the infamous horror crossover movie *Freddy VS Jason.*
* The death of Bill, along with the scream he lets out, is a reference to the classic cartoon *Ed, Edd, and Eddy.*