Q:Special:Search/Rodney Dangerfield

**Rodney Dangerfield** (November 22, 1921 – October 5, 2004), born **Jacob Cohen,** was an American comedian and actor.

## Sourced

* I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous, everyone hasn't met me yet.
	+ Quoted in Bob Fenster, *Laugh Off: The Comedy Showdown Between Real Life and the Pros* (2005), p. 37

* There goes the neighborhood.
	+ Epitaph, quoted in Patricia Brooks, *Laid to Rest in California* (2006), p. 20

### *It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect But Plenty of Sex and Drugs* (2004)

* I was an ugly kid. When I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
	+ p. 4

* In my life I've been through plenty. when I was three years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.
	+ p. 6

* What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
	+ p. 7

* I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to keep out of those places.
	+ p. 8

* When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
	+ p. 9

* When I was a kid I got no respect. When my parents got divorced there was a custody fight over me... and no one showed up.
	+ p. 10

* I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
	+ p. 12

* My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
	+ p. 13

* I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.
	+ p. 14

* A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, "Man, I wish I had your willpower."
	+ p. 15

* I tell ya, I grew up in a tough neighborhood. The other night a guy pulled a knife on me. I could see it wasn't a real professional job. There was butter on it.
	+ p. 16

* I was an ugly kid. I worked in a pet store. People kept asking how big I get.
	+ p. 17

* I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
	+ p. 18

* What a childhood I had. My mother never breast-fed me. She said she liked me as a friend.
	+ p. 19

* I tell ya, my family were always big drinkers. When I was a kid, I was missing. They put my picture on a bottle of Scotch.
	+ p. 21

* I tell ya, my wife likes to talk during sex. Last night, she called me from a motel.
	+ p. 59

* When I got back into show business in 1961, I felt — for obvious reasons — that nothing in my life went right, and I realized that millions of people felt the same way. So when I first came back my catch phrase was "nothing goes right." Early on, that was my setup for a lot of jokes.
	+ p. 126.

* I don't get no respect!
	+ p. 127

## Misattributed

Because Dangerfield's signature style is to be self-demeaning, many jokes of this type by other comedians are wrongly attributed to Dangerfield.

* I was so ugly... When I was born, the doctor slapped my mother!
	+ Actually originated with Henny Youngman.

## External links

* The Official Rodney Dangerfield Site.
* Interview with Sam Esmail on esmail.com.
* Rodney Dangerfield at IMDb.
* Interview with Rolling Stone Magazine