Canadian Death

## Description

It Has Been...or rather it was one thousand years ago, and the Dragon Friends find themselves in a brand new age. How will The Dragon Friends place themselves in this new world of floating cities and feats of unimaginable magic.

## Synopsis

After the accidental destruction of the Lodestone, the Friends are shocked to see time reversing around them, finally arriving in a workshop in which the Lodestone is made whole again and a female gnome slumped on the floor beside them. Lionshield Banknote and Jacob Undercourt are still seriously wounded and collapsed on the floor. Freezo immediately attempts to loot Lionshield's unconscious body, and is warned off doing so by Philge. Freezo argues that it would be better for someone to be able to make use of Lionshield's equipment while they are in an unknown and dangerous situation, and Bobby Pancakes states that they are probably in the afterlife.

The Friends realize that the gnomish woman is conscious and beginning to stir, and Baston attempts to heal her, successfully bringing her around. She immediately screams with shock at seeing the Friends, crying "it works!" before passing out from shock. Freezo points out that he has been to both Heaven and Hell and this does not match either. Philge opens the door and yells out for someone to tell them where they are, finding outside a copper-lined corridor in a compound in which the air seems unusually fresh. Freezo tries using Lionshield's mechanical shock glove to electrify the copper wall, revealing what seems to be electric filament light globes along the passage, although they only flash on briefly. Bobby magically heals Lionshield, who stands for a moment enabling Michael Hing to have him announce that he has forgotten owning the gauntlet and pistol that Freezo took from his body, before collapsing from his existing wounds.

Meanwhile, the gnomish woman, Merreline Vowell, has come around and begun to write in a notebook on one of the desks in the room. She cries out that she wants to guess who they are and asks them not to talk. She cries out that they must be mages or adventurers from the future Netheril empire, and talks about how delighted she is at finally getting a working experiment, when Philge grabs her and screams for her to say where and when they are. Calming down, Vowell tells them they are in the Netherese Empire in the year 493 DR, and asks where they came from. This causes the Friends to realize that they have never previously asked or mentioned what year it was. Philge guesses 1493 DR, causes Val to become delighted that they have come from a thousand years in the future. Vowell rings a bell, and three silver-skinned humanoid figures arrive with a pair of stretchers and begin to silently take Lionshield and Jacob away to the Infirmary. She then leads the other Friends outside, inviting them to explore and to meet "the Archmage", while apologising for the fact that their world must appear primitive compared to Netheril a thousand years in the future.

Philge begins to think about what she learned about Netheril in school, and rolls a critical History success, remembering that the Netherese ruled the whole Sword Coast for years in the greatest Golden Age of history until it spectacularly fell. Philge informs Vowell that Netheril no longer exists in her time, and Freezo adds that the Netherese were on par with dinosaurs as something from ancient history. Vowell is confused, pointing out that she made the Lodestone so that it could be activated before Netheril collapsed in order to go back to prevent that from happening. Freezo suggests that might not be a bad thing, and Vowell leads them to a large circular room with a large grille in the floor. Baston and Philge both express concern that this may be a trap that might collapse the floor, or that they could be upskirted by someone below - which leads to the revelation that a pervert called Trevor is trying to look up at them through the grate. Vowell apologises, saying that she believed all the people who did this had been killed; Freezo attempts to cast Witch Bolt on Trevor, but realizes he cannot as his magical focus has been taken from him, so he resorts to shooting him with Lionshield's pistol. Uncertain, Vowell hits a button on the wall, causing a blast of air to lift them upwards through a copper tube into a second room, where Vowell hits a second button causing the copper to transmute into shiny glass, revealing the beautiful landscape of the Sword Coast far below them - they are not only in a spire, but within a gigantic floating city.

Vowell leads them into a sky-dock and aviary at the top of the spire, and Vowell proudly gestures them forward to meet with a figure who turned away, feeding the birds. They step forward while negotiating how to do a suitable *Charlie's Angels* pose, noticing that the birds are actually beautifully made clockwork automata. The figure reveals themselves to be the Archmage Karsus, a younger-than-expected and handsome man, causing Philge to immediately jump forward to introduce herself, and Vowell explains that these are the people who came out from the Lodestone from a thousand years in the future.

The Friends introduce themselves, with Freezo offering his help, Philge and Baston asking to return to the future, and Bobby saying he'd prefer to stay because the Friends have no bad reputation there. In a sudden Dragon Huddle, Bobby points out that he still has a copy of *The Terrible And Lamentable History of the Ancient House of Strahd* which may give them information about future events. The Archmage interrupts them, saying it is rather rude to Huddle in front of him, and that there is no need for them to plot as they will be his guests of honor while in Netheril. He offers to create a sky estate for each of them in High Netheril, or to allow them to travel down to the ground to visit with the Free Folk in Low Netheril; he then invites them to dinner that night and informs them they may wait in guest quarters until the estates are prepared. Another group of the silver-skinned humanoids, which the Archmage called "Magen", lead them to their guest quarters where each has a small suite and a Magen servant of their own. Freezo attempts to speak to his Magen servant, and Vowell points out that they cannot speak on their own, although they can repeat messages that are said to them.

While the friends are playfully experimenting with the Magen, a sudden wave of nausea passes over them, causing Philge and Freezo to violently retch, producing horrid, black bile in, with Freezo finding three of his own teeth in his vomit. They begin to realize, to their horror, that time travel may have taken a substantial toll on their health.

## Cast

### Dragon Friends

* Philge
* Bobby Pancakes
* Baston
* Freezo
* Lionshield Banknote (unconscious)

### NPCs

* Merreline Vowell
* Trevor the Pervert

## Themes, Tropes and Running Jokes

* Are You Coming My Dude?
* Death By Witch Bolt (attempted)
* What Have You Got There

## Trivia

* This episode debuts the Season 7 Theme, and includes the full version with the verse.

## Quotes

* "What, what, you think I'm different now that I'm Chinese, Philge?"
* "We're probably in some fuckin' world that someone's come up with.." "Honestly, that is sometimes how I feel.."
* "I know where we are. We're dead. This is the afterlife. We all died and this is Heaven, or Hell. Probably Hell, you're all here." "What it does it mean if someone is dead, in Hell?" "Double dead." "Is that like double denim, like it's quite unfashionable to be dead in Hell?" "It's called Canadian Death." (A reference to the "Canadian tuxedo" fashion of wearing all denim.)
* "You are in the Netherese Empire in the year... " "So funny. We had like pages and pages of fuckin' notes and we didn't decide what year it was." "Er, er. Four... thousand three hundred and ninety seven, Dale Reckoning."
* "What's the bounty on that man? I will kill him for you. I will hunt him down and kill him." "It's about um.. one point two quark of aether." "1.2 quark of aether!? How many of those words did you just make up on the spot there, Dave?" "One of them. Another one I made up a day ago."
* "... I made him way too handsome in my mind, Dave. Now I'm blushing from my imagination."