1110/Dark Corridors

**Swivel has posed:**
Darkness. Somehow, it seemed a rather fitting environment for Swivel, considering some of the recent events which had unfolded. And yet, unlike most, she was not lost in the darkness. Rather, it was where she sometimes felt the safest. Nonetheless, Swivel had issued Starlock an invitation to once again join her deep underground the Ruins of Nyon. Such an invitation had to be made before she went to the spot of their meeting, for deep down here, radio transmissions had a harder time penetrating. As did other forms of wireless conveyance.

Swivel was sitting on an old oil drum she'd found during one of her ventures into the depths, and she waited, listening carefully for the sound of approach.

**Starlock has posed:**
     Starlock was more then willing to accept the invite, she'd been worried about Swivel the past Solar-cycles due to the things that had transpired... Her pede steps where heavier now, thanks to her new armor, and there was also the added tinks of her stave that she walked with, but the familiar light from her chassis headlights where still the same though.

      Starlock would stop once she got o the right place and watched Swivel momentary, before deciding to approach. "Hey." she'd say in a soft tone as she approached the drum.

**Swivel has posed:**
Swivel hears the heavier footfall. However, the gait was still the same. She nods to herself, not at all worried, but she keeps listening, as if almost concerned the medic would be followed. When Starlock approaches her, she looks past the glare of the headlights for a moment or two, before her gaze gives a subtle shift to look directly at Starlock, and she nods. "Hello, Starlock. I am glad you could make it." Swivel brings up one knee to her chest, clasping her hands about the joint, while her other leg dangles over the edge of the old drum.

**Starlock has posed:**
     Starlock gave a soft smile, and lean on her stave as she looked around. "So... how are you doing?" She'd ask after some breems with a slight tilt of her helm, there was.. a slight peace to being in the dark quiet like this, that starlock was finding herself growing ever more fond of.

**Swivel has posed:**
Swivel gives off a small shrug, her gaze averting momentarily. "I won't insult your intelligence by saying I'm fine." Swivel says. Shen then looks over at Starlock, putting on a weak smile. "But I'm sure I will be, given the time, space, and steps to recover." Swivel's optic ridges knit together and she stares off into the darkness. "...I've been... keeping a distance. Biding my time. But I think I'm ready to know the truth. Or rather, I won't know until I'm faced with it. I've given up trying to predict what I can and cannot handle." There is another odd little smirk but then her face turns somber. "What can you tell me about what happened with Blurr?"

**Starlock has posed:**
     Starlock nodded in understanding, she'd take a moment to mentally prepare herself, like she had many times before to deliver news to those, friends and family, of patients, and thought back, trying to put some new pieces together. "Right.... Are you ready? This isn't going to start off well." She'd warn. "..And this may make you angry." She'd also add.

**Swivel has posed:**
Swivel's optics brighten for a moment when Starlock warns her she might get angry. Swivel then smiles, her optics dimming and narrowing. "I'm already plenty angry. I just choose not to act on it." Swivel hugs her knee tighter and nods to Starlock. "It's alright. Begin."

**Starlock has posed:**
     Starlock nodded once more and took a deep vent, before letting out slowly. "Glyph informed me that he was there when... Blurr threw himself off his balcony, tried to stop him..." She'd frown. "...It was not long after I'd posted my alert to medical about his mental state, and warned of what he may try to do with getting his memory erased." She'd knit her ridges.

      "He was taken to deltaran, wasn't responding at first, was taken to CR, where he did respond, woke up even but.." She'd frown. "....Prime, Aid, Glyph and I went to visit him, found he'd been moved, we were being jerked around, eventually Glyph and I found out that video footage had been modified with milicuse data to hide the fact he'd been moved." she'd grip onto her stave, trying to keep her own anger bottled.

      "After Primes order to /not/ to do anything but get him stable where ordered... Pharma and Triage claim he consented, but there was my notice, and primes order that pretty much stated he was not on the correct state of mind and unable to consent to anything of the sort.... Triage pretty much confirmed that Blurr's signature was forged sometime later, but before all that.." She'd take another vent.

      "Aid and I found Blurr too late, in the instatue...His memory had been erased.. " She'd frown sadly. "..collected what evidence we could, cornered Triage..." She'd sigh. "Gave everything to Prime, Ratchet, Hound, Jazz, and Sky Lynx... Ratchet then confronted Triage about it sometime after where... on a bluff, Ratchet basically got Triage to confirm that yes, Blurr signature was forged... and that the whole Administration of Deltara is basically in on Pharma's sick game.." She'd snear.

      "When Jazz made the new medical division, an put Ratchet encharge, and why most of us are kicking deltaran to the curb and joining Ratchet..." She was silent for a moment. "And why Prime's likely going to have more then /words/ with Pharma."

**Swivel has posed:**
Despite her claims to be plenty angry, Swivel manages to listen to Starlock's recital of events with an errie calm, occasionally nodding. Her gaze several times grew distant, a small twitch near her optics and furrowing of her brow, but otherwise, she did not give much away. That is, until, it is mentioned that Blurr had been wiped. Her grip on her knee loosens, and one hand goes to her chest where her Autobot Badge is, forming a claw, looking almost as if she were to try and scrape the badge off. But she stops. Her hand relaxes and drops down, resting at her side.

"....Was there ever mention of a mech named Cypher?"

**Starlock has posed:**
     Starlock shook her head. "No... There was not, far as I am aware, this is all Pharma's meddling, and pressuring those like his PA, Triage." She'd state, no such name had ever come up to them, and she gives Swivel as saddened look. "...I tried.. I really did." She'd hang her head.

      Her finials droop and she looks away a bit ashamed. "...I /promise/ you though.. Pharma, nor Triage, will be getting away with this, not if I, Aid, Ratchet, Jazz or Prime have /anything/ to say about that, and that I can guarantee.." She'd state, almost as if in defiance, her own purple and golden optics hardening... Still though, what... kind of consultation was that? Starlock felt it none, someone they knew was basically dead.

**Swivel has posed:**
Swivel just nods when it was confirmed that Cypher was not involved. "Then I wonder if it was Pharma who was really pushing to erase Blurr's memories back then, too, and I blamed the wrong mech." Swivel shakes her head. She thens slips off of the drum and stands up. "It doesn't matter. They haven't removed everything of Blurr's memories." Swivel brings up a hand, tapping her own helmet. "Unless they come for me, next."

**Starlock has posed:**
     "Aye, seems he specifically doesn't remember you, or I, as far as I've witnessed, but I'm okay with not being remembered..." She'd frown, knowing how odd that sounded. "I'm forgettable, that and we didn't know each other long... But I did point him to video logs, and his snippy note on the notepad.. But again, it's.." She'd shake her helm.

      "Doesn't matter... and I doubt they will, if anything, I or Ratchet are the ones in the cross hairs for likely all of what we know, specially with Pharma's involvement in the thinning plague." She'd nod and think. "It's not bad to keep your wits about you though." She'd take another vent.

**Swivel has posed:**
Swivel turns and looks at Starlock blankly as she talks about being forgettable. Then Swivel looks down for a moment or two. "Sure. It's a relief to you. But... I sacrificed everything that I was to give Blurr a fighting chance against /them/. Even against his own painful past. I gave him more a chance no one else could have given him, and it's been thrown away like trash. I guess I'll never amount to more than refuse even with these ensign stripes." Finally, that calm exterior seems to be stressing at the seems, a quiet but notable fury building in her tone.

**Starlock has posed:**
     Starlock frowned, and flinched but kept herself relaxed, listening to Swivel. "Don't mistake what I've stated as relife, I'd rather he'd not forgotten me." She'd gently correct, and her ridges knit.

      "...What.. do you mean by that? If I can ask?" She'd ask wrly, keeping her voice soft, she knew Swivel would be the one most hurt by all this, as her and Blurr did seem close.

**Swivel has posed:**
Swivel looks over at Starlock. "Do you want to know the convoluted truth about how I came to be an Autobot?"

**Starlock has posed:**
     "I spent a number of Cycles in primes office, giving him a briefing of all the bullslag that's been going on the past Deca-cycles, in detail, because I know Prowl won't do it, and likely cover up smelt." She'd state, sliding down her stave, and taking a seat on the ground, facing Swivel.

      "I think I can handle convoluted." she'd nod.

**Swivel has posed:**
Swivel nods, and then steps aside of the drum she'd been using as a seat, gesturing an invitation for Starlock to use it instead of the ground. Swivel paces for a few steps and then turns back to face Starlock. "It all began with the earliest instances of rifts of an alternate Cybertron, and a substance found only there, now known as psychosonorum." Swivel begins, trying her best to state her recollection with calmness.

Swivel squares her shoulders after a pause. "I won't get into the unnecessary details around that. The important thing to know is that Blurr, whom I already had a shaky relationship with, had got a strong dose of psychosonorum, before it was understood or well documented." Swivel frowns, remembering her own eagerness to investigate back then. "It trapped him into a loop of traumatizing memories. He become unresponsive. Again, I won't lay down details, but I had no choice but to get help from some of his past abusers, because only they understood how his processor worked and how to fix them. Between Prowl and Cypher, it was determined there were two ways he could be saved. One was mnemosurgery - removing the traumatizing memories. I suspect, more than that would have happened, though. I believed he would have been brain washed into little more than a weapon." Swivel's optic ridges knit, her voice wavering with some more of that bridled anger.

Swivel then begins pacing, stalling before getting to the second option. "The other option... now I forgot to mention, I was not an Autobot at this time. I was afraid of the Autobots, even. So when they approached me with an offer to save Blurr, but at the cost of signing up, I didn't know what to think." Swivel stands, staring up at the low ceiling for a moment. "I had an efficient processor, capable of handling the speed his own operated at. THe alternative was for me to enter his mind via a neural interface and help him resolve his trauma. But they could not let anyone who did not have Autobot clearance access to the mind of an Autobot operative." Swivel looks over at Starlock again. "He was dying. I had limited time to make a decision that would change my life forever. And there were risks. Death, insanity, a complete loss of identity..." Swivel's optics narrowed. "But... I thought if I saved him, I could help him break free from his past and become a /good/ person." At this point is where Swivel's voice downright quivers, and she has to stop short as her damned up emotions come dangerously close to flooding.

**Starlock has posed:**
     Starlock would nod her head in thanks and take a seat, listening... On mention of a weapon, oh if only she knew what Aid had said to Triage, and how much it echoed her statement about Blurr becoming nothing more than a weapon.

      Starlock's riges knit, while part of her understands, another is angered about the forced decision, specially given the fact it was appearing noen of those truamazs had anything to do with autobot detail, that matter Blurr while he had a high rank.. he wasn't a /high rank/ but maybe her opinions where coloring her thoughts.

      She remained quiet, listening with a sympathetic, yet inquisitive look... Even offered her arm out as she could feel Swivel's mounting emotions in her her voice and body posture.

**Swivel has posed:**
Swivel takes a moment to get her emotions under control, if only so she can speak clearly without choking up. She takes the offered hand, squeezing Starlock's hand with all of her might. For a moment she is silent, nodding to herself. "Right... I tried to bargain, I tried to reason, I didn't want to get involved in the war. I was a pacifist. The only thing I was offered was amnesty for some... allegations I'd made against Prowl." Swivel coughs. She takes in a vent. "I had... friends... who were..." Swivel stops herself, looking at Starlock for a moment. "...Well who would have disapproved my decision to get involved," Swivel quickly says, carefully pruning out certain details. "But... so there I was, a much different person than I am now. I showed up for my induction, and only a few breems later I was underground, hooked into Blurr. I will /not/ discuss the details of what I experienced while in his mind, but I will say it wasn't what I expected. I thought I'd be a separate entity, an observer in his experiences. I did not... I did not know I would /be/ him. Maybe that was my own ignorance, but I didn't have time to research and make an educated choice." Swivel withdraws her hand and folds her arms, hugging herself. "There were times afterwards I was afraid to enter recharge, worried that I would disappear and wake up a different person. Not to mention the nightmares. I've... I've carried /his/ most traumatic memories with me for so long." Swivel's voice grows distant. "I thought my suffering could somehow... change things. I was wrong. Everything is wrong. And I don't have any reason to stay in this war."

**Starlock has posed:**
     Starlock would eventually pull her into a hug after she listened and vented a sigh. What could she say? What could se even do to help fix this, that matter, could it even be fixed? She knew she'd lost all hope for changing anything the second she found out Blurr's procedure was already nearly done... Maybe there was something she didn't think of at the time? Though she couldn't think of anything now. She just wished she could help ease some of the pain.

      She'd rub the other femmes pauldron lightly, and sat silent, thinking. "That all is.. pretty bad." She hated how words where now failing her, she was a doer, not a speaker. "...Have you talked to Rung.. and, or, Optimus yet about all this?" She'd ask, starting with trying to sort though ways to help.

**Swivel has posed:**
"I have not talked to Rung. While I have no reason to distrust /him/, I just don't know if he is, unawares, monitored." Swivel sighs. "And as for the Prime," Swivel says, looking over to Starlock as she runs her pauldrons. "He was there, at my induction. He personally welcomed me as an Autobot. I assumed he knew everything, but I don't know for sure." Swivel brings in a long vent of air. "I'll... just need to sort this all out... and decide what to do. But I can't keep going on like this, smiling and nodding and pretending to uphold all the corruption around me." Swivel takes a step away. "I know you are doing everything you can to expose the corruption. I had tried and failed on previous occasions. And if I can't fix the problem, I ought to just walk away from it."

**Starlock has posed:**
     Starlock gave a weak smile. "He was ready to jump on Pharma the moment i mentioned the fragger tried to gaslight me." there was a hint of amusement in the thought of Rung trying to be scary, but it quickly faded. "Pretty sure he doesn't." She'd nod, while she wasn't completely sure, there was something in her spark, telling her that.. No, no he likely didn't, mostly given how he reacted during that hours long debriefing she had with him... And the fact he mentioned he was going to put a pede up Prowl's aft, in /slightly/ more eloquent terms.

      She stared at Swivel but.. nodded. "...I understand, your mental and physical health is much more important.. and.. I'd not blame you at all." She'd frown, and glance down at the floor, bringing a hand up to her glasses and touching them gently, where the new golden light shown through, knowing full well how she'd been damaged in trying to set things right.

      She'd glance back up At Swivel. "...As a medical professional, I do think you need to speak with Rung as.. He's the professional in caring for the unseen damage..." She'd frown. "As a friend though? I'm willing to help you in every way I can."

**Swivel has posed:**
Swivel listens to Starlock quietly and begins to pace again, frequently stopping and looking over to Starlock. "Well. I ... am not one to defy medical advice." Swivel glances around. "And... I like to think I consider all advice given by friends..." Swivel looks down, and then shakes her head. "I will see about speaking with someone professional, whether it be Rung or someone else trained to, as you say, attend to unseen damage."

**Starlock has posed:**
     Starlock gave a nod and sat there with her, quietly. thinking things through, slowly though, which was evident by how her optics scanned the floor. "...We'll figure this out." She'd finally say, trying not to give out any platitudes, and saying 'it will be alright' right now felt cheap, as everything wasn't okay, how could they be right now?!.. But she did need to say something.

      "...Not alone in this, not anymore." She'd nod.

**Swivel has posed:**
Swivel sighs and looks down the tunnel. "Not alone. But the one person I wish I could confide in, to explain why I..." Swivel sighs and shakes her head. "Thank you. It helps, I think, just to be able to put things in words. Give it shape. It's easier to sort out that way... and realize just how terrible it all really sounds in retrospect. I kept telling myself there was nothing... special about the sacrifices I'd made. That everyone's made them in some shape or form. But deep down I've felt cheated and used up... but I had to push such feelings away." Swivel walks over to a wall and places her hand on it, feeling it for a moemnt before turning around and leaning against it. "But don't make the same misakes I made. Don't take on everyone else's burdens and don't try to fix everything. You can't. You can't save everyone."

**Starlock has posed:**
     "I know.." She'd state, the one person she /wanted/ to be the one she could feel safe with, and confide in, that felt warm and not cold, she couldn't... That feeling wasn't lost on her.

      She'd then nod. "Aye, that's.. why Rung told me to keep writing in my journal, because it helps.. sort these things out." She'd explain, in a bid to explain how she understood, then looked up and once more nodded, crossing her arms. "And you are /completely/ within your right to feel that way... And from my perspective? You have been." She'd add, watching Swivel and frowned, getting up to stand beside her.

      These where things she already knew, she was a doctor after all, and it was something they had to learn, or else they'd never be able to do their job.. But she nodded, knowing Swivel needed to say them.... It was also why she stated she was fine with Blurr forgetting her, because she can't /help/ him completely, and they didn't have much history, but between her and Swivel? This cycle of his memories being erased was going to be broken... But what she would give for him to at least remember Swivel...

      "...You need to be a little bit selfish, or else who's going to take care of you?" She'd state with a soft smile, hoping Swivel understood what she meant.

**Swivel has posed:**
Swivel sighs and looks down at the ground, and then again into the inky black darkness yonder. "I used to keep a diary. But it got too hard after a while. That and I became afraid it would be read. For a while I'd write and immediately erase what I'd written. But..." Swivel coughs lightly, smiling and shaking her head. "I must sound so paranoid." Swivel lets out a rather humourless laugh. She then balls up her fists. "And maybe it is time I be more selfish. I /have/ been used. I did everything to save Blurr - not just his life you understand. If it was just whether he lived or died, I would have let them fix him in their own way. But I... I want to save something much more invisible in people." Swivel looks over to Starlock. "It's who people are, or could be, that matters to me. Some people would do anything to keep someone alive, even if it means... destroying their spark at the same time." Swivel squints. "I'm not sure if I make much sense, but... I just..." Swivel's brings a forearm up to rest against her forehelm. Her lips press tightly to stop herself from sobbing. "I just..." Swivel drops her arms and shakes her head. "But... I lost this battle. And I fear there is another I am losing as well... because I'm too far away to help. I just feel like everything is falling apart... and I invested so much of myself and have so little left of me..."

**Starlock has posed:**
     "If you're paranoid, I must be insane." She'd chuckle, knowing full well just how /bad/ she could sound sometimes. "naw it makes sense... It's... another thing we doctors kinda need to learn, there's... A line, where you have to stop at, because you're ether bordering on just torturing someone by trying to save them, and destroying who they are.." she'd try to explain, moving her hands side to side as she struggled to find the words.

      She'd knit her ridges, listening to Swivel and hug her once more. "..Swivel, it's okay to feel, and it's okay cry..." She'd state softly, remembering back some time ago when she fell apart after the whole mess with Macc's.

**Swivel has posed:**
Swivel looks over at Starlock, letting out a small laugh at the remark of insanity. Swivel just nods her head. "Maybe we all are." Swivel lets out a small snort and stands up straight from the wall.

When Starlock reminds her that it is okay to cry, her own thoughts turn to when she had consoled Starlock and assured her of the very same things. "I..." Swivel looks down. "I know." She says in almost a whisper. "But I don't know whether to cry or throw a tantrum. And I'm afraid if I give in to one... the other will follow. I don't... I don't want to do anything rash."

Swivel lets out a very sharp vent. "Thanks for coming and... telling me everything. And being there. But I think, right now, I need to be alone. And I need... I need to sort things out."

**Starlock has posed:**
     "Alright.." Starlock gave her a soft smile and nodded. "Alright, know how to reach me if you need to talk to me, or for me to come over, alright?" She'd reassure, patting her pauldron once more and took in her own vent, closing her optics. She too had a lot to think on... Gods this was all a mess.

**Swivel has posed:**
Swivel nods her head. "Yes. I know how to reach you. And... thank you again. And don't worry too much about me. I have always been able to adapt. This will just be... a difficult transition while I try to figure out what all this means for me and my future." Swivel gives another nod and turns to head down one of the many dark tunnels.

**Starlock has posed:**
     Starlock would watch her go, hesitating for a moment. "Safe steps." She'd call out, before turning to go, thinking. "And hopefully, in the end, it means a happier life." she'd mumble to herself, in the hopes this would all pan out, before she started walking after another vent.