Why is my Home School Teacher so Cute?

## Overview

"Why is my Home School Teacher So Cute" is the 23rd episode of the Hippo Saga.

Things seem to be going well for Jiko after her marriage to Sturdy. However, he ends up leaving her, and Astolfo decides to home school Jiko in hopes to make her more tolerable and get her man back. Meanwhile, Master Chief takes a scrawny delivery boy under his wing to teach him to be more manly.

## Original Video Description

Friends always think they have the best advice, Now they done opened up a school! (Astolfo gives you dating tips on how to win back your husband)

#animation #meme #storytime

Support the vids: https://www.patreon.com/pantsahat

Astolfo Va: https://twitter.com/CrySpy27

Outro song by:  / @malemaidcafe

## Characters

#### Main characters:

* Hippo
* Astolfo
* Master Chief
* Hippo
* Yellow Jacket (Debut)

#### Other characters:

* Sturdy
* Femboy Escorts

## Transcript

Sturdy: Hey Astolfo, you like football?

Astolfo: Well, I'm not really into feet, but I do like-

Jiko: Getting married is like a life hack! I don't have to worry about getting money or getting fat! Right my little pay pig? *Oink oink oink!*

Jiko: You're breaking up with me!?!

Sturdy: A marriage is a lot like fishin'. Sometimes you just gotta throw one back.

Jiko: But what ever happened to *till DEATH do us part?*

Sturdy: A laser pointer.

Jiko: Why don't people like me?

Hippo: Bruh, you like the worst parts of a cat and a girl put together. Learn to take care of yourself, bruh.

Master Chief: Here's your breakfast. Hope you like it.

Hippo: Bruh! That's not what I ordered!

Master Chief: Do that again and next time your food won't be sold.

Hippo: Bruh! I *drink a Dorito.*

Master Chief: As for you... You've gotta man up as much as you can, yano, for a girl, and find yourself a new man! Not that I'd know anything about picking up dudes. *GAY!*

Astolfo: Don’t listen to my ex. Even the girlfriend that lived in his head left him. I'm the one you should listen to about picking up guys!

Hippo: Yeah, his body count lookin' like a war memorial.

Jiko: Fine. What do you recommend?

Astolfo: I’m going to homeschool you!

Jiko: Homeschool!?! Isn’t that for social outcasts?!

Astolfo: Yeah! You’ll fit right in! Cause there’s no other students to fit in with.

Jiko: Dude! Rude! But true, sign me up…

Astolfo: Great! First we need to dress cute. Then, I’ll fill your head with knowledge!

Jiko: Do I really need to wear this? It's sticky!

Astolfo: Yeah! Men love sailors!

Hippo: Bruh, I don't think she's the Navy's type.

Master Chief: What’s that supposed to mean?

Hippo: Men at sea, bruh.

Astolfo: Okay, class in session! We’re going to win back your man by making your personality tolerable!

Jiko: What’s wrong with my personality?!

Astolfo: You’re literally a bitter yandere who calls people pay piggies and sheeple filth.

Jiko: Oooh… I see!

Astolfo: There’s only one person in here with a humiliation kink, and that’s-

Master Chief: Shut it. You’re wasting your time. That cat girl will literally fall in love with anyone. I’ll prove it. Hey. You look like an impressionable beta-male. Get in here.

Jiko: OMG HE'S PERFECT!

Astolfo: You better not be imagining him as Goku!

Jiko: He can instant-transmission me into submission any time!

Astolfo: You can't fall in love at first sight if you're not even going to look at him!

That's not Goku! It's a scrawny delivery boy!

Yellow Jacket: Uuuuuh... Anybody order the chinese Doritos?

Master Chief: Don't worry, I'll turn you into a chisled sand god in no time! We're

just not doing cardio, cause you wouldn't catch me dead sprinting!

Yellow Jacket: Should I really be taking advice from how to be a man from the guy in the kitty cat apron?

Master Chief: Real men can wear what ever they want and still be manly!

Astolfo: Yeah!

Master Chief: Except you

Astolfo: Oooh~

Yellow Jacket: That homeschool teacher looking kinda cute though.

Master Chief: Stop tempting my students!

Astolfo: I'm just like, standing here, bro.

Master Chief: Alright, the first step to being a man... *You can't dress like that.*

Yellow Jacket: But my sister gave me these clothes!

Master Chief: Shut up. Didn't ask. Put this on.  Chicks dig helmets.  That's why I never take mine off.

Jiko: Wow. It’s even easier to imagine him as someone else now!

Astolfo: Oh no! She’s falling for him!

Master Chief: Quick! Mention how much disposable income you have!

Jiko: Hot…

Astolfo: She’s getting back together with her man!

Master Chief: That’s not your choice to make! *IT’S MINE!*

Sturdy: It’s lookin’ like 1970’s Brooklyn in here. What’s happenin’?

Master Chief and Astolfo: Uh…

Jiko: He came back! What do I do?!

Astolfo: I think I know what’s getting in between you and your man!

Jiko: What?

Astolfo: Your clothes!

Jiko: Uh… Hey Sturdy!

Sturdy: Put your clothes back on, Jiko. I ain’t gettin’ back together with you.

Jiko: But I’ve been trying so hard to be a better person!

Sturdy: Jiko, you’re clearly not emotionally mature enough for a long term healthy relationship… That’s why I got you these escorts!

Jiko: Why would I be interested in those girls?

Sturdy: That’s the best part, Jiko… *They’re not even girls.*

Jiko: Woah! Thanks Sturdy! You’re the best!

Sturdy: Hey, chin up, will ya?

Astolfo: Um… Should we Hug?

Master Chief: NO

Hippo: Bruh, I could go for a hug. Any…Anybody?

Hippo: **TOO TIGHT!**

## Post Credits/Out Take

Jiko: Wait, so moral of the story is if you can’t get it, buy it?

## Trivia

* Master Chief saying "You wouldn't catch me dead sprinting" is a reference to many within Halo fan community being against the idea of Master Chief sprinting for gameplay reasons (especially in multiplayer).