Christmas Shenanigans/Transcript

## Transcript

* [This episode begins with a special Christmas variation of the intro sequence. After that, the episode itself starts at Mercy's house on a snowy December day. Mercy is in the living room, watching TV.]
* TV NARRATOR: (heard) We now return to the SpongeBob Christmas Special on Nickelodeon!
* [The doorbell rings. Mercy walks over to the front door and opens it to see DJ in a red coat and a Brown baseball cap.]
* Mercy: Oh, hey, DJ. What’s up?
* DJ: Hey, Mercy, guess what tomorrow is?
* Mercy: (sigh) I already know that Christmas is tomorrow. No need to remind me.
* DJ: Wow, you’re smart. Then, uh, what’s today?
* Mercy: Darn it, today’s Christmas Eve. Forget it, just come inside.
* DJ: (enters the house) Thanks, Mercy.
* [Brian zooms into the house.]
* Brian: Excuse me!
* Mercy: (pants) Jeez, Brian, you scared the heck outta me.
* Brian: Sorry, Mercy. I just wanted to come in and... (shows off his Christmas attire with the words "MERRY CHRISTMAS" on his shirt) Wish you a merry Christmas Eve! Also, I programmed my shirt to deliver this message.
* Mercy: Wow, pretty! What is this? A Christmas party?
* [Cut to a white screen that says "That joke sucks" with a rimshot heard in the background. Then, we see Mercy and DJ sitting on the couch, and Brian on top of it laying like a panda. Austin walks into the living room.]
* Austin: Really, Mercy? You had to invite your friends over on Christmas Eve?
* Mercy: I didn’t invite them, Austin. They just showed up.
* Brian: (offscreen) Way to point out the obvious, Sir Knows-a-Lot.
* Mercy: Put a sock in it, Brian.
* Brian: (offscreen) Sorry.
* Austin: (with coat on) Whatever. Let’s just get in the car so we can go to the mall.
* DJ: Oh boy! We’re going to the mall!
* Brian: On Christmas Eve? Really?
* Mercy: Don’t go there.
* Brian: Sorry again.
* [At the mall...]
* Austin: (offscreen; exterior shot of mall) Alright, fellas. (inside the mall; onscreen) Mercy's gonna be in charge, so listen to him while we shop around, okay?
* Mercy: Sure thing, Austin. (Austin and Stickman walk off) Holy moly. I’m in charge.
* DJ: (points) Hey, Mercy, Santa Claus is over there!
* Mercy: (cut to where DJ is pointing; the mall Santa sits with a a kid) Yeah, I see it.
* DJ: Can we go see him, please?
* Mercy: Dang it, DJ, okay! We’ll go see Santa! But one thing: there’s a huge line.
* DJ: (grabs Mercy; starts to get irritating/annoyed) I don’t care.
* Mercy: Okay, okay, just let me go. (clears throat)
* [Mercy, DJ, and Brian stand in line.]
* Mercy: Ugh, this is bogus.
* DJ: Mercy, don’t be stubborn. This line won’t take long.
* [Curly walks over to them.]
* Curly: Hey, fellas, what’s up?
* Mercy: (looks at her) Oh, hey, Curly. We’re just in line to--
* DJ: (interrupts Mercy) Go see Santa Claus!
* Curly: That’s nice. But isn’t he a little old to see Santa?
* Mercy: Well, obviously, DJ has the mind of a sponge--
* [SpongeBob shows up in front of him.]
* SPONGEBOB: Hey, I take offense to that.
* Mercy: Sorry, SpongeBob.
* [SpongeBob walks off.]
* Mercy: Scratch that. Still, DJ still acts like a kid. He still believes in Santa.
* Curly: (sigh) Well, whatever works for him. Hey, do you mind if I joined you guys this Christmas? My parents are going out of town for some conference.
* Mercy: Well, sure. Get in line.
* [Curly cuts in line.]
* Peewee: Hey, no cuttin' in line!
* Curly: Screw off, peewee! I’m with them!
* DJ: Hooray, Curly's going to see Santa with us.
* Curly: Oh, no thanks. I don’t wanna see Santa.
* Brian: Me neither.
* Mercy: Yeah, same.
* DJ: (sigh) Whatever, party poopers.
* Brian: But I didn’t poop on the party.
* [Cut to another white screen with the words "Again, really?" while another rimshot is heard in the background. Cut back in the mall, DJ is next in line.]
* Santa: (offscreen) Hohohohohohoho! Who’s next?
* DJ: Me-me-me-me-me! (zooms off and jumps on Mall Santa’s lap)
* Santa: (normal voice) Yeow! My balls!
* DJ: Sorry, Santa. I didn’t know you had balls.
* Santa: (sigh; normal voice) Whatever, just tell me what you want for Christmas so we can just get over it. I mean... (deep voice) Tell me what you want for Christmas.
* DJ: Well, Santa, I want a--uh--lot of candy--uh--a new Iphone, and--uh--lots of toys.
* Santa: (sigh) (mutters) I doubt it, idiot.
* DJ: What?
* Santa: Hohohohohoho! I mean, you’ll see when you wake up on Christmas morning. Now run along, little fella.
* DJ: Okay, thanks, Santa! (jumps down) Merry Christmas!
* [They walk off offscreen.]
* Santa: What a fat butt.
* [The gang are walking in the mall.]
* DJ: I can’t believe I met Santa Claus in the mall!
* Mercy: (sigh) Yeah, you did, alright.
* DJ: I can’t wait for tomorrow morning when I wake up to find presents underneath the Christmas tree.
* Mercy: Yeah, and I can’t wait to get a kiss from Curly under the mistletoe.
* Curly: Uh, you’ll see, Mercy. You’ll see.
* [The gang walk to the food court and stand in front of a Taco Bell and the restroom.]
* DJ: I’ll be right back, you guys! I have to use the bathroom! (runs in restroom)
* Mercy: You see, guys, DJ still believes in Santa Claus.
* Brian: Yeah, I know. (offscreen; DJ is peeing in the bathroom) I mean, doesn’t he know that Santa Claus isn’t real?
* [DJ overhears their conversation while peeing in a urinal.]
* DJ: Pfft, that’s ridiculous! Santa Claus IS real! My dad tells me he’s real! Heck, they told me he’s real as well!
* Mercy: (offscreen) Yeah, we know Santa isn’t real and therefore, he isn’t real.
* DJ: (shocked) What? Santa Claus isn’t real? (screams and runs out of bathroom)
* [Blunted Smurf walks in and notices the pee on the floor.]
* Blunted Smurf: Ew, gross!
* [DJ runs to the spot where the mall Santa sits. The mall Santa, which is really Sanji from One Piece in disguise, is shown to be on break while sitting on his throne.]
* Sanji: Ugh, this suit is making me sweaty. Well, at least I'm on break.
* DJ: What the? Sanji, you’re Santa Claus?
* Sanji: Isn’t it obvious? I’m not Santa Claus! And Guess what, Santa isn’t even real!
* DJ: Noooooooooooooooooooo!!! (kneels and covers himself, crying)
* [Mercy and Brian walk over to him.]
* Mercy: Hey, DJ, what’s wrong?
* DJ: I just found out that Santa isn’t even real. I also heard you guys talking about while I was in the bathroom!
* Mercy: How did you know we were talking about it?
* DJ: I overheard your conversation. All these years, I thought Santa was real. But now, the world is telling me that he isn’t! I’m never celebrating Christmas again! (runs out of the mall crying)
* Mercy: Poor DJ. What have we done?
* [Some time later, at DJ's house, Mercy shows up and knocks on the door.]
* DJ's Dad: Oh, hey, Mercy. What’s up?
* Mercy: Hey, DJ's Dad, is DJ home?
* DJ's Dad: Oh, he’s up in his room, crying. He told me about you and your friends were saying that Santa isn’t real, and that really upsetted him.
* Mercy: So, uh, can I see him?
* DJ's Dad: He told me not to let you guys in right now. But since I think you insist, I’ll let you in.
* Mercy: (walks in) Okay, thanks.
* [Cut to a sad DJ is his room, looking down on his bed. Mercy walks in.]
* Mercy: (calmly) Hey, DJ.
* DJ: What is it, Mercy?
* Mercy: Listen, we’re sorry that we said that Santa isn’t real earlier. Just because of that doesn’t mean that we can’t celebrate Christmas.
* DJ: What do you care? What you guys said changed my view of the holiday season. Besides, you said Santa’s fake!
* Mercy: Yeah, I know.
* Santa: (offscreen) Hohohohohohoho! Hohohohohohoho!
* Mercy: (gasp) What was that?
* DJ: That was probably you saying that, Mercy.
* Mercy: No, I’m serious. I heard someone saying--
* Santa: (offscreen) Hohohhohohohoho!
* DJ: So that wasn’t you? Then, who was doing that?
* Santa: (offscreen) Merry Christmas!
* DJ: (gasps happily) IS THAT SANTA CLAUS?
* Mercy: (smirking) It could be!
* DJ: (runs past him) SANTA!
* [He arrives downstairs in his living room and notices Santa Claus (really Brian in disguise) in the living room.]
* Santa: Hohoho! Merry Christmas, DJ.
* DJ: Santa Claus! Is it really you?
* Santa: Yes, DJ, it is really me.
* DJ: Wow, how did you know my name?
* Santa: Uh, I know everyone’s names. I don’t keep track of all the children of the world for nothing.
* DJ: Wow. (hugs Santa) I can’t believe you’re real. I thought you weren’t.
* Santa: Well, whoever says that has an IQ of -75.
* DJ: Yeah. (lets go) Besides, what did you get me for Christmas?
* Santa: You’ll see once you wake up tomorrow morning. Hoho!
* DJ: Wow, thanks, Santa.
* Santa: Yep, you're welcome. I have to go. I need to make sure that--uh--the toys are already made for tonight.
* DJ: Well, good luck with that, Santa. Also, thanks for visiting!
* Santa: Hohoho! You're welcome. Merry Christmas!
* [Santa Claus leaves the house. Mercy walks over.]
* Mercy: What'd I miss?
* DJ: Mercy, you’re not gonna believe what happened! Santa Claus was here! You were right!
* Mercy: Of course I am.
* DJ: I change my mind. I’m still gonna celebrate Christmas! This is still my favorite holiday.
* Mercy: I’m glad you’re happy, DJ. Well, see ya tomorrow. (leaves the house)
* DJ: See ya, Mercy! (to herself) (sigh) I love Christmas.
* [Close up shot of DJ's house.]
* NARRATOR: (offscreen) And that’s the story! Merry--
* Mercy: Wait, that’s not all!
* NARRATOR: (offscreen) Whoops, sorry. Let’s cut to Christmas morning at Mercy's house.
* [At Mercy's house on Christmas morning, everyone is gathered in the living room.]
* Mercy: Ah, Christmas Day is finally here.
* DJ: And I’m still happy that I finally met Santa Claus.
* Brian: (shot of his Santa outfit in his back pocket) Yep, you did!
* Curly: (offscreen) Hey, Mercy, come here for a sec!
* [Mercy stands and heads over to Curly, under the mistletoe in the living room entrance.]
* Curly: Look above you.
* Mercy: (looks above) Oh, I see.
* [They kiss under the mistletoe.]
* Mercy: Gaaaah!
* Brian: Typical Christmas special ending.
* Mercy: Brian!
* Brian: Sorry.
* [Close up shot of Mercy's house.]
* NARRATOR: (offscreen) Well, now’s the time to end our story! Merry Christmas to all the people watching this on YouTube! And to our subscribers! And other people! Happy holidays.
* [The End.]