Shadow Mario vs. Cortez

## ***Preview Analysis***

**Goonie: Why me? CAW Why me? CAW Why me? CAW Why me? CAW Why me? CAW First, I'm put into this stupid Sports Hall. Then, CAW because I do well in my fights, I'm forced into this stupid tournament I know won't win. Then I'll probably be murdered to CAW death! Because I'm fighting Spy CAW Guy! Anyway, Roy has shown "pity" and wants me to analyze this match before I CAW die. So here we go! We have Shadow Mario, the mysterious CAW anti-hero of the Sports Hall. And his opponent! Cortez! The Fiendish CAW Pirate! This match will definitely be a close CAW one!**

**Goonie on Shadow Mario: CAW! Shadow Mario was described pretty well by Petey CAW Piranha. The only CAW update needed is that he really isn't Bowser Jr... Also CAW Gobblegut won't help him CAW. Shadow Mario made it CAW into Round 2 by defeating Fly Guy in what was a rather close match. Fly Guy actually almost defeated Shadow Mario with an electricity- CAW -covered floor, but Fly Guy's own arrogance after outsmarting his CAW opponent caused him to slip into his trap. This CAW allowed Shadow Mario to capture Fly Guy with a paint portal.**

**Goonie on Cortez: CAW! Cortez is pretty well described already CAW! Cortez can apparently take his own opponent's soul now CAW! Cortez made it to Round 2 by defeating Season Finalist, Piranha Plant. It was a very close CAW match. But luckily, Cortez was able to slash off Piranha Plant's stem in the end.**

**Goonie's analysis on Shadow Mario: Shadow CAW Mario should probably start by sending in his minions. Let them tire out Cortez, then when he's finished off with them CAW go in for the strike! You're a shadow version of Mario! You can defeat him that way CAW!**

**Goonie's analysis on Cortez: You shouldn't get too distracted CAW!, keep your eyes focused on the prize, which is taking out Shadow Mario CAW! Once Shadow Mario leaves himself open for one second, capture his soul!**

**Goonie's Winner: CAW! Each person is waiting for an opportunity! CAW! Each one is ready for battle CAW! Very close match! However Shadow Mario is STILL Mario! Who's defeated Cortez in the past. That's why I'm putting money on Shadow Mario.**

## **Before the Battle...**

**Dome-Head: \*grumble\* Says I haven't done anything in a while.  Well, at least this will be easy, all I have to do is give Shadow Mario this-**

**Panser: Halt!  Who goes there?**

**Dome-Head: Eep!  Just, just a fun guy. Nothing to worry about.**

**Panser: Wait a minute... You're one of those cloaked guys.  My orders are to arrest you on sight!  Everyone, come quick!**

**Dome-Head: I'm out of here!  I didn't want to do this anyway!**

**Panser: Hmph.  So they really are out there.**

**Later...**

**Big Nose: \*grunt\* Hmmmm... \*grunt\***

**Panser: Trying to get in through the window, are you?  Won't work, they're bulletproof.  Now, you look like someone else, but I'll be happy to take you in just the same.**

**Big Nose: Ack!  \*runs away\***

**Later...**

**Whispy approaches the locker room.  Seeing Panser, he steps up in front of him and starts waving his arms wildly.**

**Panser: ...**

**Now Whispy starts wiggling his fingers and sticking out his tongue.**

**Panser: Do you... think you're invisible, or something?  Because you're not.  Also, what do you think is going to happen once you open the door?**

**Whispy shrugs, and walks off.**

**Panser: Oh no you don't, I'm taking you- Oh, now you really are invisible.**

**Later...**

**Panser: Hold up there!  State your business!**

**Birdo: Oh, I'm just here to visit an old friend!  Wish him good luck before his match, that kind of thing.**

**Panser: You and Shadow?  I don't recall hearing about you two fraternizing before?**

**Birdo: Oh, yeah, we do.  All the time.  We're BFFs and everything.**

**Panser: Sounds lovely.  But Larry will be mad if anyone gets in here who wasn't supposed to.  And since so many people have been trying, I'm going to have to be extra cautious, and say no.**

**Birdo: How rude!  I don't expect to be treated like a common criminal.  At least I should be a special criminal!**

**Panser: Sorry.  You can come in after the battle if Shadow says so.**

**Birdo: Can you at least give him this?**

**Panser: Sure, you can put any gifts over there and they will be released after the battle.**

**Birdo: But after the battle will be too...  I'm going to complain to Larry about this!**

**Panser: You're welcome to put your complaints in the box outside his office.  The box is incinerated each evening.  But you'll still feel better about it!**

**Birdo: Hmph.**

**Later...**

**Panser: Hrm...  No visitors for a while.  I think it was better when the cloaked figures were coming.  At least they make things around here interesting.  And apparently Shadow has no other friends, either.  Not sure if I should be surp-**

**Captain Skull: Yoho, I be going in now, landlubba!**

**Panser: No.**

**Captain Skull: But I-**

**Figure: Well excuse me!  Step aside so I can enter.**

**Panser: Fine, fine, Mr. Impatient.  Here, I'll even get the door for you.**

**Figure: Smart move.  \*enters\***

**Panser: Yeah, I'm just a regular genius, now, aren't I? ... Hey, wait a minute, isn't Shadow already... Eh, I guess not.**

**Captain Skull: : O**

**Panser: What?**

**Later...**

**Axem Black: Hey.  Let me in for the inspection.**

**Panser: Excuse me, what?  You think you can just boss me around because you've worked here longer?**

**Axem Black: No, mostly I think I just don't care very much.  If you're going to make this difficult I'll just move on to something much more cool.**

**Panser: Oh no you don't, you're getting in there.  Here.**

**Axem Black: Too bad.  \*enters\***

**The scene remains outside, where Panser continues to wait.  A few minutes later, Axem Black comes back out, accompanying Shadow Mario.**

**Panser: Aha!  Are you accompanying him to jail?**

**Axem Black: No... I'm accompanying him to the ring.  Everything checked out.  Of course it did.  What a waste.**

**Panser: Oh, well!  It's because I did such a good job standing guard!**

**Shadow Mario: Yes yes, let's all give ourselves pats on the back.  Now are we going to stand out in the hall or are we going to the battle already?**

**Axem Black: Come with me...**

**And the two of them head off.**

**Panser: Ok, then, the fighter has departed so that means I can as well.**

**Just then the locker room door opens again, and another figure steps out.**

**Panser: ... Um...**

**Figure: Don't mind me.  I'm just heading to the fight.  You don't need to wish me luck.**

**Panser: But you... and him... Didn't you just... ... ... Well ok then!  I'm putting a request for a raise in that box!  Clearly I need it.  Or something...**

**At another time, another place...**

**Tanoomba: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!**

**Larry: Dude.  Calm down.  Nothing's happened yet.**

**Tanoomba: I can't go to jail again!  Not again!  I CAN'T!!!**

**Larry: Who said anything about jail?  No man, I just want to invite you to dinner and we can have a nice chat, between two friends!**

**Petey: Bwoo?!**

**Larry: Right!  I meant to say three.**

**Tanoomba: Really?  We're just going to have dinner?**

**Larry: Heh, yeah right.  You're going to prison.**

**Tanoomba: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  Wait, since when does the Sports Hall have a prison, anyway?**

**Larry: Actually it's just empty rooms in the hospital ward, seeing as injured fighters rarely show up there anyway.  To tell the truth, it's kind of nice in there.  Well, let's get going.**

**Tanoomba: Why are you doing this to me?  I don't want to go!**

**Larry: Then tell me what I want to know!**

**Tanoomba: Ok ok, you win.  My strategy for beating you this round is to-**

**Larry: Not that!  (Tell me later.)  Tell me about the Mafia.**

**Tanoomba: I can't do that!**

**Larry: Petey?  Take him to prison.**

**Tanoomba: Wait!**

**Larry: ... Yes?**

**Tanoomba: ... Um... Yeah, I've got nothing.**

**Larry: Why so nervous, Tanoomba?  It can't hurt to talk.**

**Tanoomba: Yes it can!  Do you have any idea what the Mafia does to people who cross them?**

**Larry: No, but I'm hoping you'll tell me.**

**Tanoomba: Well I won't, because there's no telling what they'll do if I cross them again!**

**Larry: Again?**

**Tanoomba: I tried to refuse when they wanted me to work with them, and I was even going to reveal them.  But then they imprisoned me until I gave in!**

**Larry: They must be master interrogators to get any information out of you.  They probably put you on lockdown for five, maybe ten minutes?**

**Tanoomba: No no NO!  They had me in there for weeks!  Or, I don't know how long!  It was dark!  So little food!  And the moaning, THE MOANING!!!**

**Larry: It sounds terrible.  It also sounds like a story they could have taught you during that ten-minute lockdown!**

**Tanoomba: It's true, I tell you!  You have to get them out of there!**

**Larry: Who?**

**Tanoomba: Well the fighters, of course!  The fighters!**

**Larry: Which fighters? ... The losers?  From the tournament?**

**Tanoomba: I think so, yeah!  It's not like I could see them, but...**

**Larry: Why would the Mafia be capturing the fallen fighters?**

**Tanoomba: This may surprise you, but none of them stood outside my cell monologuing their entire plan.  But really, who else did you think was taking them?**

**Larry: I had no idea.  I don't know how to solve a kidnapping.  Usually my family is doing them.**

**Tanoomba: Well there's your culprit!  And now that I've told you this, I need protective custody!**

**Larry: Protective custody?  This is the Sports Hall!  You're at risk as soon as you step foot in the door.  That turnstyle's got a mind of its own.**

**Tanoomba: I'd like to quit now.**

**Larry: Not so fast.  You said you were going to reveal them.  Now's your chance!**

**Tanoomba: I can't.  When they were bargaining with me, I transformed into one of them, and that's when they captured me.  But I don't have enough information to transform when they're not here.**

**Larry: So basically you're telling me you're useless.**

**Tanoomba: Your words, not mine!  If only we could capture one of them, then I could tell you who it is.**

**Larry: Well that's fine, I'm sure capturing their leader will be no problem.  Of course once that happens, we'd hardly have to know who he is anyway!**

**Tanoomba: You don't have to be so nasty!  There's nothing I can do!**

**Larry: Well I'm upset!  It's not like the DynaStar I stole has gone missing or anything!**

**Tanoomba: 8 O**

**Petey: 8 O**

**Larry: ... If you don't want to spend the rest of the tournament in the hospital, you didn't hear that.**

**Tanoomba: Hear what?**

**Larry: Exactly.  You too, Petey.  Petey... you wouldn't doublecross me, now, would you?**

**Petey shakes his head violently.  He puts a leaf over his mouth to indicate his largely unintelligible lips are sealed.**

**Larry: Well then.  It seems we've reached a dead end.  Unless one of them falls into our laps or something!**

**Tanoomba and Petey laugh nervously.  Just then-**

**Spiky Snifit: Larry!  Larry!  We got one!**

**Larry: If it's another bad joke, go tell Boddles.**

**Spiky Snifit: No!  We caught someone trying to get in Shadow Mario's room after he was already gone for the fight.**

**Larry: Oh.  But it's only Popple, right?  You can let him go.**

**Spiky Snifit: No, it's-**

**Voice: Hi I'm Her Tallness Two!**

**Larry: : O**

**Tanoomba: !!!**

**Larry: --------------------8> <8-------------------- :Tanoomba**

**Larry: : D**

**Tanoomba: : $**

**Larry: All right Tanoomba, you know what to do!**

**Tanoomba: Um, well I, uh...**

**Larry: Tanoomba...!**

**Tanoomba: But-**

**BAM!!!**

**Spiky Snifit: Note to self, never stand close to doors AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!**

**Ding!**

**Larry: Quick!  Petey!  Secure the prisoner!**

**Petey: Bwawn!**

**Larry: She's already gone, you say?  ... Well of course she is!  Ha ha ha... HAHAHAHAHA!!!**

**Ludwig: Larry!  I require an indication from you instantaneously!  I have secured the information from Spy Guy that you desired.  Now, can my suspension be revoked?  My competition resumes with the next contest!**

**Larry: ... I can't deal with this.  Sure, whatever.**

**Ludwig: I was certain you would locate reason!**

**Larry: None of this makes any sense.  Just, just end transmission.**

**Tanoomba: But this isn't-**

**MEANWHILE**

**Cortez: I'm ready to hedge me bets.  What do you have for me, amigo?**

**Doopliss: Not as much as I'd like, since someone has banned me from transforming outside of the ring!**

**Axem Red: Don't blame me, I don't make the rules.  I should, of course.**

**Doopliss: I was going to transform into other fighters with weapons, and give them to you.**

**Cortez: I'm already a one-man artillery anyway.  Don't you have anything better?**

**Doopliss: Perhaps you will find this useful.**

**Cortez: What?  But how did...**

**Doopliss: I'm not sure, exactly.  I guess they just gravitate to me.**

**Cortez: But mine didn't...**

**Doopliss: Did you return to Keelhaul Key?**

**Cortez: No, and I never will!  Five hundred years is enough!**

**Doopliss: Maybe one of your pirate buddies can check if it's there?**

**Cortez: ... Do you want to rethink that?**

**Doopliss: Well, we have this one, anyway.  I'm trusting you with it, don't make me regret that.**

**Cortez: I've never used this before, but there's a first time for everything, even iffen yer a skeleton pirate.  Let's do it.**

**Doopliss: Unless this killjoy has a problem with this as well!**

**Axem Red: Looks reasonable enough.**

**Doopliss: Oh, you're so merciful, aren't you.**

**Axem Red: Watch it...**

**Doopliss: Come on, I'd love to take this into the ring right now!**

**Axem Red: Too bad you won't be around to face me 'n the boys next round!**

**Doopliss: Yeah, well at least I won't have to suffer you after next week!  Then we can have our own, unofficial match!**

**Axem Red: That trip to the ring is sounding pretty good about now!**

**Cortez: The only one you're taking to the ring is me, muchacho! ... That came out wrong.**

**Axem Red: -\_- Let's just go.**

**The three head out of the locker room.**

**Axem Red: Not you!**

**Doopliss transforms into Red and makes a rude gesture.**

**Axem Red: You're getting a citation for this!**

**Doopliss: Fine, I dare you to explain that to Larry.**

**Cortez: Children... Am I, the dread pirate Cortez, really the most level-headed of the three?  \*sigh\***

## **THE BATTLE!**

**Whomp: Oor! Welcome to Roy Sports Hall, Oor!**

**Larry: WRONG. Try again.**

**ZAP!**

**Whomp: Oor! Welcome to Larry Sports hall, Oor!**

**Larry: Excellent work, Subject 102. Excellent work...**

**Kamek: Uh... Larry?**

**Larry: Oh, why are you still even here?**

**Kamek: You've gone off the deep end. Without someone to bounce your newfound insanity off of, well, this wouldn't be nearly as funny. Also someone flooded my house with Munchers, so I'm sleeping here until it is fumigated.**

**Larry: Heh heh, yeah... I mean, uh, oh, really? Kamek, what can I say? I'm crushed, and whatever handsome devil did that, he most definitely should be punished after being patted on the back!**

**Kamek: You're even more transparent than Roy. Anyway... the Whomp?**

**Larry: Oh, no, this isn't Whomp. It's a clone.**

**Kamek: You... made a clone. Out of rock.**

**Larry: Yup.**

**Kamek: Rock... which doesn't have any DNA to clone.**

**Larry: Yup.**

**Kamek: How?**

**Larry: Science.**

**Kamek: I see... that's... incredibly stupid.**

**Whomp: Whomp not stupid! Whomp have PhD in Classic Sarasaland Literature!**

**Larry: Look, you can see it as a crime against nature, I see it as... insurance. Sure, Roy has a few loyalties to him here and there, and so do I, but... well, there's nothing wrong with developing a little muscle in the back pocket, is there? The Whomp King was able to replicate interestingly, so being able to construct these muscle-filled blockheads...**

**Whomp: CLASSIC. SARASALAND. LITERATURE.**

**Larry: ... Well, it makes for a good excuse when we can't find an announcer that isn't you. After all, you're part of the tournament! And I wouldn't want my dear old caretaker to say something he would regret on the mic, and have a horrible deal of audience backlash, now would I?**

**Kamek: Grrrr... You're a rat and a thief, Larry. I'd be proud if it was anyone but me you were using it on.**

**Larry: Excellent. Now then, Whomp, if you would fulfill your purpose and say stupid things to simplify sound effects?**

**Whomp: Oor! In Red Corner is blue guy who isn't very blue, Shadow Mario! Whomp no like him because Mario makes Whomp mad.**

**Shadow Mario: What hope do you have of winning? After all... it's-a me.**

**Whomp: Oor! In Blue Corner is giant ghost pirate thing, Cortez! Whomp no like him because he cheat at poker and poker makes Whomp mad.**

**Cortez: Avast! Ye think ye be lucky, bilge rat? Well, I'll be glad to inform ye then: me mate Mario never bested me. I merely got bored by playing with the same food! An' I'll drag ye deep inta the Deep Bloober Sea fer risin' against the Dread Pirate Cortez! Argargargargarg!**

**Whomp: Tension thick as... something that is really tense, oor!**

**Larry: Eh, no announcer is perfect.**

**Whomp: Start fighting!**

**Pokey: Fight.**

**DING! DING! DING!**

**Shadow Mario: Goop Tornado!**

**Fling! SPLATSPLATSPLAT.**

**Whomp: Oor! Funny dance moves spreading paint all over. Cortez too big to dodge!**

**Cortez: Heh, that be a cute trick. A shame me nose no longer draws air, I be sure this 'big stench' attack is very popular at children's parties, arg arg arg!**

**Shadow Mario: DRY!**

**Crack! Crack!**

**Cortez: What be this?!**

**Shadow Mario: SHATTER!**

**CRUSH!**

**Cortez: ARRRRRGH! That... that be a low blow, matey...**

**Whomp: Whomp impressed! Goop dried fast into Cortez, making bones brittle. Then paint crush dry parts, making parts of bones fly everywhere! Cortez filled with holes!**

**Shadow Mario: Goop Stream!**

**Pluck!**

**Shadow Mario: Wha?!**

**Whomp: Giant bone hand appear! Holding Shadow Mario at Cortez's face, oor!**

**Cortez: That be cheating, ye scurvy dog. Ye didn't give me an opportunity ta cut ye down to size while trying ta mock me. You do not deserve this life, senor. Allow me to take it from ye!**

**Shadow Mario: Not a chance! SUPERGUARD!**

**Spin!**

**Cortez: ARGH!**

**Whomp: Shadow Mario spin out of Cortez's hand. It covered in goop!**

**Shadow Mario: SEEP IN AND CRUSH!**

**SHATTER!**

**Cortez: ARRRRRGH!**

**Whomp: Fight super one-sided. Cortez's bones being crushed to dust. Pile of bones getting smaller, oor!**

**Cortez: Ye little... Let's see how ye deals with me QUAD-WEAPON COMBINATION!**

**Slash! Swipe! Stab! Shank!**

**Shadow Mario: Ooh! Hah! Hoh! Missed!**

**Whiff! Whiff! Whiff! Whiff! BOING!**

**Whomp: Cortez miss every attack, then Shadow Mario jump onto his hook!**

**Shadow Mario: Magma Paint Palm!**

**Cling! Gurglegurgle...**

**Cortez: A-ARRRRRGH!**

**Whomp: Oor! Shadow Mario's hands covered in magma paint! Melting right through hook, making it useless!**

**Shadow Mario: And SPRAY!**

**Gurglegurglegurgle...**

**Whomp: Cortez's other weapons melting from lava spray!**

**Cortez: Grrrr... Why ye...**

**Shadow Mario: I'm a little smarter than your average 'salty sea dog'. See, I know you're a soul, so hitting you in the face is just going to wear me out. But... I take away your weapons, your bones, what does that leave you with? A floating head that can't do anything as I punch its lights out.**

**Cortez: Grrrrr...**

**Shadow Mario: You've got a little pile of bones left to keep that body going, but we both know it's just going to take one touch from yours truly to take that down. So I'll let you back down quiet-like, and maybe I won't absorb you into my form. So, what's it gonna be... 'amigo'?**

**Whomp: Strategy! Whomp dare calls it 'devious'!**

**Cortez: ... Heh. Ahaha... ARGARGARGARGARG!**

**Shadow Mario: What's so funny?**

**Cortez: Ye think... me soul is limited to this body? HAH! Yer mind be as dim as the belly of an Ungai! Mi amigo... let me introduce ye to me real body.**

**CRASH!**

**Whomp: HOLY!**

**Kamek: WHAT?!**

**Larry: This has GOT to be at least TEN KINDS OF ILLEGAL. I demand that this move not be allowed!**

**Pokey: Technically part of character, technically summon. Allowed.**

**Larry: DANG!**

**Cortez: I let ye show off yer tricks, boy. Very fancy, very cute. But now, it's time for ye to be... sunk.**

**Shadow Mario: Mamamia.**

**Whomp: I-it's... it's...**

**Cortez: THE DREAD SHIP O' THE SEAS! CARRIED TA LAND BY THE SOULS OF ONE THOUSAND SUFFERING CREATURES. HELD ALOFT BY THE FLAMES OF REGRET. ME BODY, ME SOUL, THE BLACK SKULL!**

**Whomp: FLYING PIRATE SHIP!**

**BOOM! BOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOMBOOM!**

**Whomp: Oor! Giant crater from ship cannons firing all at once. Tons of smoke.**

**Larry: Heh... Well, at least he revealed his trump card early.**

**Cortez: Early? Oh, no no no, mi amigo. I brought this here today to teach ye all the meaning of fear. The Black Skull will add ye to her crew... an' there be nothing ye can do to stop her.**

**Larry: \*gulp\***

**Cortez: ... This match be not over. The shadowy one still lives.**

**Whomp: Oor?!**

**Kamek: Huh?!**

**Larry: Oh. That's cool I guess.**

**Shadow Mario: ... H-hah... hah... SUPER JUMP!**

**Boing!**

**Whomp: Shadow guy falling apart, but still alive! Goop rushing out, starting to turn into puddle, but struggling to keep form! Jumped on top of pirate ship to fight Cortez!**

**Cortez: Ah, give it a rest, amigo.**

**Shadow Mario: N-never... I shall... become... perfect. GOOP TENDRILS!**

**Lash! Lash! Lash!**

**Whomp: Oor! Shadow Mario turning own body into whips! Making cracks in Cortez's skull!**

**Shadow Mario: I know how this goes... If I tire you out, this ship goes down... and if the ship goes down, the captain does with it. Heh...**

**Cortez: A shame I won't be goin' down then, matey.**

**Shadow Mario: What?!**

**Cortez: Behold me treasure! The Crystal Star! I call on yer power... SWEET FEAST!**

**Ka-Heal!**

**Cortez: Aah, much better. I feel like a new pirate, arg arg arg!**

**Whomp: Oor! Sapphire Star power happen! Now Cortez all not beat up!**

**Shadow Mario: B-but...**

**Cortez: Ye think ye know me? Ye think ye had a chance? A pirate ALWAYS has one more trick up his sleeve. Now I'll finish ye!**

**Whomp: Oor!  Getting cloudy in Sports Hall!  Hard to see!**

**SHINK! ShishishishishiSLASH!**

**Shadow Mario: I... I-I...**

**Plop.**

**Pokey: Shadow Mario, out. Cortez, winner.**

**Whomp: Spooky. Cortez create fog cloud, then slash Shadow, then slash him to ribbons for the win.**

**Larry: ...**

**Kick!**

**Whomp: OOOOOR!**

**Crush!**

**Kamek: Larry! You just crushed your announcer into dust!**

**Larry: He just had too big of an ego. Forget it, Kamek. I have a dozen more. I've got my top scientist on the job.**

**Kamek: Petey Piranha?**

**Larry: Top. Scientist.**

**Kamek: Ugh, it's just becoming more and more insufferable working with you.**

**Larry: Is it really, Kamek? Don't worry. I'm just making the Sports Hall a safer, more balanced place. This act and charade today? Stuff like this won't happen too often anymore. No, nice and simple basics. Just me, an army of stupid mindless announcers, and a bunch of idiots punching each other out.**

**Kamek: I'd rather take my chances in Cortez's crew than support that dream.**

**Larry: Suit yourself.**

**Kamek: Grrr... End transmission! Get that camera out of here!**

## **After the Battle...**

**In [[[AFHB]]'s locker room...**

**AFHB: WE'RE BAAAAAACK!**

**Chuck: And more prepared than ever!**

**Her Tallness: \*yawn\* Oh really? What boring old torture are you going to try this time? Public humiliation? The torture rack? Throwing me on a train track?**

**AFHB: This one may work. Chuck! Bring in the Pool of Lava!**

**Chuck drags in a pool full of lava through the door.**

**Chuck: YOUCH! I got splashed with it!**

**AFHB: A justified pain. But the pain we will give HER will be AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGG!**

**Her Tallness: Ok, even the man you're parodying didn't do that phrase that much!**

**AFHB: SHUT UP! Now, watch! And learn!**

**AFHB takes out a branding iron and dips it in the lava. He takes it out, it says "Amazing Property" on it.**

**AFHB: How about this?**

**Her Tallness: Lava branding? ... I have to admit, that's a new one.**

**AFHB: Heh heh heh. All right, Missy. Start talking!**

**CLICK! The lights go out.**

**AFHB: I TOLD YOU, CHUCK! I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO PUT IN MOOD LIGHTING FOR WHEN YOU TURN THE LIGHTS OFF!**

**Chuck: That wasn't me, sir!**

**AFHB: Then how-**

**WHUMP! WHUMP! SSSSSS! YOUCH! SNAP! CLICK!**

**The lights come back on. AFHB and Chuck are knocked out, Mr. L has freed Her Tallness, and Chained Kong has a massive "Amazing Property" insignia on his chest.**

**Her Tallness: About time you got here!**

**Mr. L: Just be happy we even showed up!**

**Chained Kong: AUGH! MY PERFECTLY STRAIGHTENED CHEST HAIRS! ALMOST 1,000 PERFECT KONG HAIRS BURNED TO A CRISP IN SUCH A WRETCHED PATTERN! I MUST RETIRE BACK TO MY POOL OF MELTED CHEESE IN ORDER TO GROW THEM BACK IN TIME FOR MY MATCH WITH KAMEK!**

**Chained Kong dashes away.**

**Her Tallness: How come "The Captain" hired all the freaks?**

**Mr. L: HEY!**

**Her Tallness: I wasn't talking about YOU!**

**Mr. L: Good, now I have to hide this key somewhere Sumo would hide it. It'll look REALLY suspicious if the key to AFHB's room goes missing.**

**Mr. L tries to find a good spot to hide it, but Her Tallness just snatches it and tosses it into a plant in the hallway.**

**Mr. L: ... That works too.**

**Mr. L speaks into his earpiece.**

**Mr. L: This is Green Thunder to Gray Cloud! I have freed the cute little birdie! I repeat! I have freed the cute little birdie! However, the strong wind is likely to be about!**

**Whispy's Voice: All right, I'll make a new warp pipe for you. Please enter the toilet.**

**Mr. L: Toilet?**

**Whispy's Voice: It's the most secure place, and I assure you that you will not smell like one of my Tuesday night dinners when you get back to the base.**

**Mr. L: Roger. Green Thunder out.**

**Her Tallness: "Cute Little Birdie"?**

**Mr. L: Don't look at me, I didn't come up with the code names. Anyway, let's go.**

**Her Tallness: I am not going down a-**

**Mr. L: It's either that, or get kidnapped again!**

**Her Tallness: ... \*sigh\* Let's go.**

**The two enter the warp pipe.**

**Meanwhile, outside the locker room.**

**Popple heard the screams of pain some time ago from his locker room. He investigates the case. Mr. L and Her Tallness are already gone when he arrives. He finds AFHB's room key in the potted plant.**

**Popple: Say, this key may be of use to me.**

**Panser: I heard the screams from over here.**

**Crazee Dayzee: Let's get them!**

**Popple: Uh oh, it's time for me to split, see?**

**ZIP! WHUMP!**

**Popple: YOUCH!**

**Axem Yellow: ZZZZ- Huh?**

**Popple accidentally ran into Axem Yellow, knocking the wind out of him. He falls to the floor.**

**Panser: Hey, what happened here?**

**Crazee: LOOK! It's Popple!**

**Panser: You don't think-**

**Crazee: YELLOW! KEEP HIM PINNED!**

**HOP! WHAM!**

**Popple: AUGH!**

**Axem Yellow hops on Popple, keeping him stuck to the ground. Panser and Crazee Dayzee investigate him and find the key.**

**Panser: All right, rookie! You're coming with us!**

**Popple: (Geez, and I thought the first time I got caught was humiliating.)**