Chapter 8 - Standoff in the Lair (G&G)

Despite its many listed strengths, it is important to note that the
darkness is by no means invincible.  It can be subdued and even defeated
 entirely.  When the situation seems hopeless for a slave of the
darkness, however, they will not simply give in.  More often than not,
these fools grasp at straws and take any advantage they can get, even if
 it means straying completely from their plan.  Though Xavier’s tactics
were not the worst, his execution of them sure was.

“Greetings, Chubba,” said Xavier.  Chubba stared at the bandit
from across the room, a lava filled pit and hanging brother blocking his
 path.  “I must say, I’m impressed that you were able to fit through
that locker with all that body fat you have there.”

“Joke’s on you, creep!  Zumba has been working miracles for me!”
Chubba began.  “I put on twenty pounds at breakfast, but my daily
routine helped me burn off one of those bad boys!”

“I really don’t care,” the bandit replied.  “Look, I’ve changed
my mind on this whole murder thing.  Why don’t you just take the wallet
from Tubba’s pocket of fat and we can get on with our lives?”

Now, if Chubba was smart, he would’ve simply walked around the
pit and beat the ever living tar out of Xavier.  The simple notion that
he held even the smallest bit of intelligence, however, would be
ridiculous.  The teal clubba stood at the edge and slowly began to reach
 out towards the wallet.

“That’s right, get a little closer,” Xavier mumbled, shaking with
 anticipation.  “Just a little more…”  Right as he was about to set
Chubba off balance by reeling the pole in, the locker door was kicked in
 from above, and down the hole fell the true tubbiest clubba of them
all.

“WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?” screamed Tubba.

“That’s something I’d like to know,” followed Chubba, stepping
back.  At that moment, the tied up duplighost reverted back to her true
form.  Unfortunately, her body size was not nearly as humongous as the
clubba’s, and she began to slip through the ropes.

“Chubba, do something!” Tubba shouted.

“No.”

“HELP!” Parin shrieked, as she finally slipped through the ropes
and fell downwards.  Acting in a split second, Tubba lept over the pit,
tackled the duplighost in mid air, and landed her on the other side.
 Unfortunately for Tubba, his sheer body mass did not allow him to make
the jump.  The clubba slammed into the side of the pit, and sunk into
the lava with a sickening scream.  Chubba fell on his knees and began to
 weep for his loss.

“Why did he have to go…” he mumbled between sniffles.  “There…
there was a twenty in there…”  Then his attention returned to Xavier,
and he took on an expression of anger like nobody had ever seen.  “This
time, you’ve gone too far, Xavier.  You’re going to pay.”

Realizing that his weakling self was in great danger, the bandit
quickly grabbed hold of the weakened duplighost and held the sharp end
of his hammer to her throat.  “Don’t come any closer!  I’ll kill her, I
swear!”

“Why should I care?” Chubba grumbled in reply.

“Think about it,” Xavier retorted, gears slowly turning in his
head.  “You never paid your insurance bills, did you?  In that case,
every death here at the Glitz Pit is a massive fine for you.  Just the
death of Tubba will practically make you bankrupt!”

Chubba was taken back by this realization.  “Come on down, guys!
 We’ve got a job to do!”  There was no response.  He looked up the hole
from which he had entered, and the locker door was jammed shut once
again.  Great, Tubba bashed the door so hard that it bounced off the
wall and jammed shut again.

While Chubba was distracted, Xavier hatched a plan.  He glared at
 his captive.  “Alright, Parin.  It’s time for a new step in my plan.
 Transform… into me.”

“Are you kidding me?  I would never-”  Xavier proceeded to use
his remarkable persuasive skills to change her mind.  He found that
digging a sharp object into one’s neck is surprisingly effective in
getting him or her to do what you want.

When Chubba returned his glare to Xavier and Parin, he was met
with a bright flash of light.  When it died down, he was met with the
sight of two bandits lying on the ground.