Late-Night YouTube

"*Late-night YouTube's a lot different than daytime YouTube where you sit down with your lunch, watch a quick video. No. Late-night YouTube's dangerous. It sucks you in, and next thing you know, the sun's coming up because you spent seven hours watching blackhead extraction videos.*"
―Erik
Late-Night YouTube is the 98th lesson of Internet Comment Etiquette. It was released on April 30, 2019.

## Summary

Erik is thinking about working on a lesson, but he's busy watching a compilation of all the murders in The Sopranos. He explains the dangers of late-night YouTube. It's already 12:30 at night so he decides to watch someone cut a whole chicken. Then it's 1:30.

Erik watches a bunch of chiropractic videos of people getting cracked and popped. One of them has a shady link offering to pay people to walk, so Erik one-ups them in a comment. He decides to get something to eat even though it's already 2:00, but he looks at the clock and it's actually 3:00. He puts on one Gordon Ramsay video before getting back to work, but it's an hour long video and he watches the whole thing. He watches it and it's 4:02. He writes a comment and then it's 5:00.

Then it's 6:00 and Erik is driving. While he's driving, he finds an entire channel of Transformers lore and catches up on the entire channel while doing cocaine. He posts a comment and suddenly he makes a whole chicken and it's midnight again. Erik goes into the weird side of YouTube and watches a video, and it's still 12:00 so he leaves a comment. It's still 12:00, but it's a month later. Erik regrets staying up this late.

Suddenly, it's 2025 and Freedom Fighter Salvia is fighting the Great Cloud People Invasion. He does some space cocaine and prepares to fight the Cloud People in a hotel room. He sees a shaving ASMR video and leaves a comment on it warning the people of 2019 not to become complacent in their late night YouTube so they can be ready for the Cloud People.

The Cloud People get into his hotel room. And suddenly he's back in his car.

## Comments

*Man I'd let Silvio murder my butthole that dude's top shelf meat.*
- Erik

*The way this French dude took that chicken apart reminds me of the way my ex-wife and her lawyer cut me into pieces in divorce court. They slid that knife into all my joint bank accounts and chopped my legs out from under me before putting my ass on a rotisserie and making a nice stock from my penniless carcass. Now I live in a hotel that would be free if the bedbugs paid rent and here I am at one in the morning butt naked binge watching Jacques Pepin videos wishing a bobcat would come out of nowhere and maul me so I got something new to complain about that isn't my goddamn ex-wife who really slow-roasted me in a braising pan with a nice soy sauce and balsamic reduction and made my meat tender enough to shred by hand and serve over rice, maybe with a few green onions and cilantro to garnish but careful with the salt because that braising liquid had plenty of sodium so you don't want to ruin the dish. In conclusion: Avengers Endgame Full Movie HD http://bit.ly/2ZNDEG0*
- Erik

*Yo whatever money this dude's offering you to walk, I'll double it. I love it when people walk. It's not a sex thing though, I'm just a guy who appreciates a good walk and I'll pay you to walk and I'll watch you walk. If you have any friends that like to walk I'm into group walking too, I tried to watch a dog walk once but it just didn't feel right. Too many legs couldn't understand the whole thing. Anyway don't click this guys link, click my link I'll pay you to walk and you can walk right out the door if you don't feel comfortable with me watching while leather straps suspend me in midair above a toilet filled with muskrats. No questions asked, and by that I mean I don't want to hear any of your questions just walk and do it the way I say so I can finish up before these muskrats find out that I've got my pants filled with tunafish. So how's twenty bucks sound?*
- Erik

*One time Gordon Ramsay came to my restaurant for a Sunday brunch. We were all really nervous, but he seemed like he was in a good mood and just wanted a quick meal. When his order came back to the kitchen we were shocked to see that he wanted eighteen live trout in a bowl of sake, and our best hammer. The order ticket wasn't in the handwriting of Carol our waitress either, so we think he wrote it himself. Anyway we're a seafood restaurant so we happened to be able to accommodate him. None of us went up to see what he was doing at first because we started getting really busy, until we heard customers screaming and our head chef Ronald ran into the back telling us to grab a knife. Turns out Chef Ramsay was nailing the fish to his arms and legs and smacking them together spraying fish stuff all over our guests. I've never seen a man's jaw open so wide in my life as he vomited out Carol, who I guess he had eaten like a snake, and then he crab-walked up our concrete wall and onto the ceiling where he dropped an egg sac on the maître d' melting the flesh from his bones. Gordon Ramsay's eyes had gone red by this point and there were flames licking up from where his hair used to be. He uttered in a voice that seemed to come from every direction at once: "WHERE IS THE LAMB SAUCE" and then he grew to the size of the room, crushing everyone who wasn't lucky enough to get out of the way. We had to close the restaurant after that, and now I know why they call it kitchen nightmares.*
- Erik

*Hey thanks a lot pal I was supposed to be studying for a big test until I found this channel now it's ten years later and I can't afford to feed my wife and kids who I don't even know where they came from because I haven't moved from this chair! How many videos do you HAVE about transformers on this channel, and can you please upload more because I think I'm almost caught up! Thank you very much also my favorite Transformers moment is when Bumblebug and Optimum Prime shared the first same-sex hug in a children's cartoon. I remember that being a big deal back in the day and they got in a lot of trouble with Nancy Reagan because she thought it would lead to kids doing drugs. Well she was right cause I've got so much yayo up my nose right now that an errant sneeze might cost me two hundred bucks. Stay in school kids*
- Erik

*Yo this song rules, but I'm a little upset you didn't mention the impending threat of the CLOUD PEOPLE. You know, the dirty rotten scoundrels living up in the clouds feeding on chemtrails and changing our brain frequencies for whatever their rotten designs are. I keep telling everyone the cloud people are comin, and nobody wants to listen so instead I'm just gonna sell you some merchandise! Come check out the THE FUTURE IS FEMA camo sweatshirts on the Neon Grizzly.com store, also available in T-Shirts (Obama head not included) but you know what is included is letting everyone know you aren't gonna let the cloud people take over this beautiful country without a fight. Keep your eyes to the skies folks, the CLOUD PEOPLE are comin! Sorta like me cause I already came to this music video like five times and one of em accidentally hit my cat MAN I HOPE I DON'T GET SHANE DAWSON'D NOW CAUSE OF THAT SHIT BIG GLOBALIST SALVIA OVER AND OUT BUY MY SHIT*
- Erik

*Hey there freedom fighter Salvia here, hopefully this message makes it to the past somehow. Don't let the cloud people take over, they're using hypnotic late night youtube videos to make us catatonic when we're really supposed to be getting work done and studying for tests and stuff. Once we've all failed out of college and lost our jobs because we can't stop watching soothing ASMR videos and recipes for shit we'll never cook, that's when they strike. We weren't ready, but maybe you can be if you heed my warning. The Cloud People they got no morals, you don't wanna know the things they do to us. Okay one thing they do to us is they melt our butts together so when you poop it just goes into the other guys butt. It's horrible, and you REALLY don't wanna know what they did to Florida alright I'll tell you, they made everyone in Florida take the SAT'... and that was the day we lost Florida. Some say they're all still in that room trying to finish their SAT's but all we know is nobody got out of there alive. If you're receiving this signal, log off of youtube and do your homework, retype your resume or do whatever the hell it is that's got you up late procrastinating because maybe, just maybe we'll have a fighting chance when the cloud people finally descend upon us. This war took everything from me, and I long to go back to a simpler time of bouncing on my boys D thang. Oh also the Cardinals win the World Series in 2021, there you go that's a little freebie go ahead and make some money off that and I'll see you all in hell*
- Erik

## Context

1. ↑ Shane Dawson is a YouTuber that has been involved in a number of controversies. One of these followed his making a joke regarding sexual activity with his cat.

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