30s, 40s, 50s: Does the age you become a parent actually matter

Tamara Todorova, who had her first baby at 46, says her decision to wait has allowed her to establish her career and travel the world.

### It can feel like everyone has an opinion on when to have babies.

The average age of first-time parenthood is now 34.3, raised from 28, having steadily increased over the past few decades — and for some women, the societal pressure to feel they "should" start a family at a certain age is overwhelming.

We talked to three Australian mums about the benefits and drawbacks of becoming a parent in your late-20s, 30s, 40s or 50s, and the personal factors they weighed up when making that decision.

## 'I had a comfortable pregnancy, and energy to burn'

For Maddi Brady of Wollongong in NSW, 23 was the perfect age to have a baby.

"My husband's got a trade and he's the one that's following a career, and I've never had an interest in it, really; I'd prefer to be a mum," says Maddi, who has a certificate in aged care and previously worked as retail assistant for a supermarket chain.

She's looking forward to having many decades to spend with her two sons, aged two years and five months old.

"I'm young enough that I can play with them and enjoy them and hopefully be around when they have children of their own."

Maddi also appreciates having youthful energy to help her endure the physical trials of having a young child.

"I think being younger my body doesn't struggle as much with sleep deprivation, and also carrying the babies I just feel better," she says.

"I never had back ache and feet ache, none of that stuff. I could even touch my toes perfectly fine all the way up to when he was born."

But one disadvantage is having few friends at the same life stage.

"I've had to go out and find other mummies so I can get help and that support network from other people I don't know," she says.

Perhaps the most significant benefits to starting a family young are the greater chances of conception — and lowered risk of miscarriage, pregnancy complications, gestational diabetes and birth defects — compared to older-than-average mums.

When she became a mum at 28, second time at 33, Maddi was about a decade below the age at which a woman's fertility begins to decline.

Women who have babies young, like Maddi, also have a better shot at reaching their ideal family size, which most Australian women don't get the chance to do, according to the 2017 Household, Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia survey.

As for Maddi and her husband? They'd like a large family, but the exact number they settle on will depend on income.

"We at least want two [more], depending on our financial situation," she says.

## 'I've had time for professional and personal fulfilment'

Sofia Todorova, a lawyer living on the Bellarine Peninsula in Victoria, had her first daughter at 36.

Crucial to Sofia — who has a masters in human rights law — was the chance to study and develop a career before raising children.

"Having my children in my 40s has given me time for career development," she says.

"This grants me independence and personal fulfilment, which are important examples to pass to my daughters."

She's also had the chance to go on adventures, learn from her mistakes, and have some fun before settling into motherhood.

"In my 20s I've been able to do some of my favourite things, including time for travel," says Sofia, who has travelled widely and lived in London.

"I had the opportunity to be a mother in my 30s but chose not to follow that path. I feel I am better emotionally equipped to mother this time around and can bring a richer volume of experience to my daughters' lives."

She recently welcomed her second baby, at age 48. Both pregnancies were complication-free.

Women who give birth later than the national median age, like Sofia, often use the extra years to develop their careers and finish their studies.

One clear benefit of this is that higher levels of education in mothers is consistently associated with positive outcomes in their children's health and education.

And research out of The University of Texas have suggested women can delay parenthood until their late 20s or early 30s with no general risk to future health.

"Indeed, the results imply that such delay may improve health throughout life," researcher John Mirowsky says.

## 'Maturity and financial security were benefits for me'

Jaimee Ratcliff had her son at 50, and is now expecting her second child, a daughter, at 52.

She and her husband underwent IVF, getting lucky on their first try.

"It was all a very consciously planned thing," she says.

"I went, 'Listen, if you want kids then we need to do this now.'"

Having babies in her 40s has allowed Jaimee, an executive, to establish financial security, own her own home, and bring a level of maturity to her new role.

Readiness feels different for everyone — but personally, Jaimee feels that she's is a better parent for delaying parenthood past her 30s.

"I wasn't ready [earlier] and didn't have the mindset or life experiences that have helped me," she says.

But there have been drawbacks to having babies on the later side, says Jaimee, who is based in Werribee, Victoria.

Her fitness and energy levels aren't what they were in her 30s, and she's had to step away from her career during her "peak earning years", she says.

Sadly, Jaimee has also missed out on seeing her children bond with her grandmother: Jaimee's mum passed away three weeks after Jaimee had her son.

"If I'd had them earlier it would have been lovely to have that with my mum and my children know her," she says.

## The core things kids need

Ultimately, whether you're 35 or 55, what makes a good parent is that your child feels loved, understood and is stimulated.

"What we do know for sure in terms of what kids benefit from is just a core set of things," says Australian Institute of Family Studies director Anne Hollonds.

One of those things is having a nurturing, non-violent parent or carer who tunes into their needs at an early age.

"So the parent can put their own needs aside periodically and just be there for the kids, and to take the time to learn how to communicate even [when their child is] an infant, and tap into their moods, so the child has an experience of being understood at a younger age," says Ms Hollonds.

A stimulating environment surrounding your growing child is also crucial.

An ideal environment for a growing baby involves "the parent talking to them, communicating, singing, helping the child to develop", says Ms Hollonds.