2008 Battle of the Bands

The 2008 Battle of the Bands was a legendary battle/performance that is mostly known for featuring the debut of the Jew Unit.

## Before the Battle

In the weeks leading up to the Battle the Jew Unit themselves had their own battle just to be allowed to participate. The Administration looked to prevent them from performing as they found the Unit's name offensive, despite being comprised of all Jews, with the exception of Anthony Robert Wolfgang Chen. Over several meetings and after a school-wide walkout/mooning the Unit was able to convince the Administration to let them perform under the condition that they use an alias.

The student body then voted on an alias where Will Smith defeated Hot Daddy & the Monkey Puppets and Bradley Silverman & the Beeftastic Beefcakes.

## Event Details

The Battle took place on May 30th, 2008 at Tappan Zee High School, beginning sometime during the early evening and ending before midnight. It was hosted by Charles Rightmyer and Kiran Krishnasamy and attended by approximately six-thousand people.

### Combatants

Six bands participated in the struggle: Black Mercury, Steve Ginger and the Flame Tops, Benny and the Bandits, Tall Glass of Water, The Academy Blues Project, and The Jew Unit (under alias Will Smith), in that order.

It is notable that every band, with the exception of opener Black Mercury, would eventually contribute a member to the Jew Unit: Steven Gringer and Fionn McElligott from Steve Ginger and the Flametops (Gringer was already a Unit member at this point); Alex Aitken from Benny and the Bandits; McElligott, Kyle McNee, and Jesse Wekerle from Tall Glass of Water; and Gringer, Mark G. Levy and Ben "Crawdaddy" Kalman from the Academy Blues Project (Kalman was also already a Unit member).

## The Event

The first shots of the Battle were fired by Black Mercury who entertained the crowd. They also played metal. They were followed by Steve Ginger and the Flametops who performed rousing renditions of multiple famous rock songs. Unfortunately, the set was overshadowed by the lead singer talking over Fionn McElligott's guitar solo.

The crowd had been relatively tame up to this point but once Benny and the Bandits took the stage they were sent into a frenzy, mostly because the eponymous Benny wore a leotard and bounced off of a trampoline into the crowd. Chen, who had created the mosh pit during this performance, was forced to retreat due to exhaustion.

Tall Glass of Water then began their involvement in the Battle. This historic performance was the only one made by this band, although their influence is long-lasting. During the set Kyle McNee began giving water to the thirsty members of the crowd. However, the Administration was not pleased by this, as the non-approved water did not contain the brain-washing solution that they used to keep their students docile. This lead to a shouting match between McNee and the Administrators, after which McNee was forced to not pass out any more water. The moshers were thus woken from their brain wash and became loyal followers of McNee.

The Academy Blues Project then performed, a set highlighted by their cover of "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls and the increased levels of humidity in the arena following said cover.

To close the night the Jew Unit then performed under the alias of Will Smith, sporting their now infamous Will Smith shirts, which now sell for roughly $5,000,000 each on eBay. During the set Shane Kelly became possessed by the Unit's good vibes and joined them on stage, immediately being inducted as a member. By the end of their set the crowd had been worked into a complete animalistic frenzy, giving the Unit a thirty minute standing ovation. Inspired by this, Bradley Silverman planter a big ol' smooch on Chen in celebration.

## Results

First place was given to The Academy Blues Project while Benny and the Bandits and Steve Ginger and the Flame Tops tied for second. Allegations of corruption quickly spread, with the Administration being a known enemy of the Jew Unit. The Unit, however, did not care, as they knew that everybody in attendance knew just how powerful they truly were.

## Aftermath

Casualties were reported in the hundreds, mostly due to dehydration following Tall Glass of Water's set. McNee was suspended for his rebellion against the Administration. McElligott would be suspended for his protest of McNee's suspension, and together the two were able to inspire a rebellion amongst the other students in their class. After about three weeks of fighting the Tappan Zee class of 2008 defeated the Administration and were freed of their chains and allowed to live free to choose their next educational institution.

Mark G. Levy of the Academy Blues project would invite the Unit to perform at his own school the following weekend, a performance that would become best known for the solar incident that it caused, as well as the recruitment of multiple new Unit members.

The Jew Unit, of course, would go on become the greatest band of all time. The Academy Blues Project is still a notable side project for Levy, who still bring the funk to millions of New Yorkers. The other bands all either died a slow and painful death or a quick and painless one.