223: Don't Smell The Past, Smell The Future!

## Summary

In the *Tomorrow, Today!* office, Will disguises himself as Crumplemeyer and attempts to disrupt Batthwack's plans by instructing the employees there to arrest the halflings that Batthwack had hired, even though he doesn't know what they've been hired for. He then sneaks upstairs and cockroaches his way into a treasury room full of money! Meanwhile, Gwen and Raphina discover that their lizard mounts are safe and well in the dock, and Batthwack witnesses Selenia being pursued from the tavern, before giving chase himself.

## Synopsis

Outside the *Tomorrow, Today!* office, Will finds a quiet spot, transforms into Crumplemeyer and gets out the mouth harp he kept from Crumplemeyer's office. He strides into the office, acting like he owns the place. He's pretending to play the mouth harp (prestidigitating the sound, because he doesn't know how to play) but stops as soon as he enters. The people inside seem befuddled. Things clearly feel different to the way they've been for the past 50-60 years, but they're not sure what it is. He makes sure the employee sitting behind the window on the right notices him. Acting a little confused in true Crumplemeyer style, he continues over to the main desk and walks round behind it.

An employee at the desk (Maggie perhaps?) is surprised to see him, saying *"Oh um, yes, um. I'm sorry, Mr. Crumplemeyer?"* Will launches into a blustering tirade. *"We have no time to lose. There are three halflings that must be taken into custody. They tried to burn down my paper factory!"* He names Yolo, mentions that there were two more, and gives a vague description. He also tells them that if a dragonborn comes in looking for him, they shouldn't tell him that he was here. While still squawking about the halflings, Will slips into a door behind the desk, which turns out to be the employee break room. Acting very flustered, Will tells them to send the employee at the window to collect the halflings. *"That's the bursar, sir."* explains the desk employee. *"I'm just trying to hide for now!"* replies Will and he flusters and blusters his way into the larger set of double doors to the right.

Meanwhile, outside Aleister's apartment, Gwen asks Raphina if she wants to go and see if the lizards are still at the dock, or if they have been impounded, since they're near there anyway. It's a very short walk and when they arrive, Raphina spots their lizard mounts floating happily in the dock surrounded by boats and rafts. With a hint of sadness in her voice, Gwen says they're lucky that they didn't take all their stuff, like they took hers. Raphina feels sorry for her. They agree that the next thing to do is make Crumpleyemeyer's terrible deceits known to the townsfolk. They decide to head back and find Will who has been carrying all the incriminating evidence they retrieved.

In a quiet street off the square outside the *Tomorrow, Today!* office, Batthwack is alone, having finished his conversation with the halflings. He's goes back to the square looking for Will, but there's no sign of him. He casts *Locate Object* on Will's crown, but feels a strange pressure in his forehead. The spell is indicating that the crown is in two places at once; on his own head and somewhere within the *Tomorrow, Today!* office.

As he's making his way towards the office, Batthwack sees the front door of the nearby tavern *Swigging Out* burst open and out comes Selenia running out at full speed, clutching something to her chest. She comes to an abrupt stop, looking left and right, before locking eyes with Batthwack. She looks scared. She then runs off in the direction that Gwen and Raphina had gone, towards the dock area. More people burst out of the tavern, including Servo and Hilula. Servo shouts *"Stop! Thief! Stop her! Stop her!"* and a few people start running after her. Batthwack gives chase as well, easily outpacing the crowd, but Selenia is ducking and dodging through streets and crowds of people, making twists and turns to try and throw off her pursuers. Batthwack is just able to keep pace.

Inside the *Tomorrow, Today!* office, Will, having slipped through double doors behind the desk, finds himself in a stairwell leading up. He continues to act in a confused Crumplemeyer fashion as he goes up the stairs. At the next level is a landing and a door. He peeks through and sees a hallway very similar to those they explored after escaping prison. Walking down it finds a few doors on both sides, mostly unlabelled apart from one that says *"Administrative"* and another that says *"Treasury"*. Will doesn't even hesitate before trying the *"Treasury"* door, but finds it locked. Instead he tries the *"Administrative"* door, which opens into a room containing a row of desks occupied by people busily doing paperwork. The one nearest the door looks up, but at the sight of Crumplemeyer they quickly look back down. Will looks around acting as if he'd forgotten about this room, before stepping back out into the hallway.

He goes back to the *"Treasury"* door and knocks. There's no answer. He casts *Polymorph*, turning himself into a cockroach again, and scurries under the door. Once inside he can't really make out much from his perspective down on the floor. The room is dimly lit by the typical phosphorescent green lights found all through the building. He begins to scurry along the wall and when he meets another wall he begins to crawl upwards until he reaches an edge at the top. Looking down from here, he sees what looks like a vast sea of coins. His antenna whirl round excitedly! Somewhat impeded by his cockroach brain, he changes back into human form to better assess what he's looking at. He finds himself perched on the edge of a bin full of money. Looking around, he now sees that the room is lined with square bins labelled *"Rent"*, *"Taxes"*, *"Tariffs"*, *"Import"* and *"Export"*. Each bin is full to a varying degree with different denominations of coins. Will hurriedly retrieves some empty sacks he's carrying in his pack and starts to fill them with coins, trying to pick more gold and platinum than anything else.

Gwen and Raphina are in the vicinity of Celestial Confections, on their way back to the *Tomorrow, Today!* office, when they notice a hubbub in the distance. They see figures running towards them and quickly recognise Selenia at the front, looking back over her shoulder as she runs. Some distance behind her is Batthwack, his arm raised in preparation for casting a spell. Then he does just that, casting *Command* with a cry of *"Halt!"*

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Abby/Raphina. Gwen asks Raphina if removing Crumplemeyer was at all like when they defeated Strahd. Raphina says it was really disgusting in the crypts of Castle Ravenloft and Gwen wonders if it smelt like the paper factory. Raphina points out that the factory doesn't smell any more and she can't even remember how bad it was. Mo says it was really bad. *"You don't remember? That was like 20 minutes ago!"* Raphina admonishes him. *"Thinking forward! Thinking onward! Future, Mo! Smell forward!"* This reminds Mo of something in his common-speech studies. *"Opta... What what is word? Opta... Opta-happy? When you look forward and think of good things, you opta-happy?"* *"OptiMIST!"* says Gwen as she figures out what he meant. Mo finds this very confusing. *"You guys say mist bad! That where the Strahd come from."* Raphina says *"No, I just mean don't smell the past, smell the future!"*
* The wiki had a big shout out at the beginning of this episode! Thank you KT and Eric for all your support!

## Gallery

Life, The Greatest Puzzle (Ep223).jpeg*Life, the Greatest Puzzle*, as referenced at the end of this episode!
## References

1. ↑ See 211: Disco is Dead, Batthwack!
2. ↑ See 218: Sure, I'll Consider It: A Phil Lompion and Fatmack Story