Episode 2

## Episode 2: Customer Service Is Dead and Small Talk Is Killing Me

{{ #NewWindowLink: https://soundcloud.com/jenkirkman/customer-service-is-dead-and |Episode Link}}

## Summary

Jen has big thoughts on Customer Service and she is a friend of the worker. Jen was a waitress, cashier, someone who stuffed chocolates in a tin, a ticket taker, a barista and so many other things in life. This is back when you had to make eye contact, not mumble and not engage in small talk. There's a tale of an aggressive yogurt parfait, the joy of complaint letters and life lessons from the fastest cashier from 1988.

## Notes

> **0:00 - 01:51** Jen intros the show, she says how on the first episode she was sitting on her bed but now she is laying in her bed under the covers, feeling like Osama Bin Laden in the caves. She says she needs to get over the self conscious part of the podcast.
>
>

> **1:51 - 10:24** Jen gets into the weeks topic, which is customer service. She lists her customer service jobs. She was the fastest cashier at {{ #NewWindowLink:http://www.rochebros.com/location/needham/%7CRoche Bros.}} in Needham, Massachusetts, where she got a job at 14 years old. She grew up in a working middle class family in a old money town. She imitates her mother telling her not to act like they were broke. Her father was a groundskeeper and her mother worked in a school. She talks about her experience working at the grocery store and how the kids these days seem to be getting dumber.
>
>

> **10:24 - 21:30** Jen explains why we don't need small talk and why she hates it. There's too much talking and people aren't doing their jobs efficiently. One time at 5am room service at her hotel asked her how her day was going so far. Don't ask inane questions that sound like auto-pilot. Jen says 2 years ago she went to NY for a week to see if she missed being married and should she answer with that if someone at the hotel asked what brought her to town. You have to have a road lie about what brings you to town so you don't have to tell the truth. She references several lies.
>
>

> **21:30 - 26:38** Jen tells a story about being a VIP customer of the day at a hotel and winning a yogurt parfait. She says how she loves writing letters to complain because nobody does it anymore and people freak out when you write a letter. She doesn't want to be asked if she has big plans for the weekend.
>
>

> **26: 38 - 28:42** Jen says instead of small talk how about questions such as: Are your parents still alive? Do you constantly worry about them dying? Do you think there's an afterlife? Why don't we have those discussions when buying a sweater at the Gap. Every holiday will eventually be about barbecuing.
>
>

> **28:43 - 35:17** Jen tells a story about getting a massage with a birthday gift certificate and being asked if she likes video games and what she does for a living, and how she called and complained to the salon about how the masseuse talked through her whole massage. It's a myth that we need more human connection.
>
>

> **35:17 - 35:44** Jen explains to the kids about how Elvis would shoot at his TV's with a gun.
>
>

> **35:44 - 37:08** Jen needs peace and quiet. She has ADD and her thoughts are always tumbling around in her head. She tells another story about customer service when she called to change her address.
>
>

> **37:08 - 37:56** Jen encourages everyone to take it back to old school. Everyone do their own thing and be on your way. No more small talk. If you have to ask a question, ask "Do you have an STD and if you did which one would you want?". Don't be so normal about everything.
>
>

> **37:56 - 39:24** Jen doesn't have an ending. She says she talked way too long but that's okay. She ends by telling the listener to "have fun" for the first time, which becomes the trademark way she signs off the podcast.
>
>

## Quotes

"I never really had to do anything around the house so I just got a job because I wanted to buy {{ #NewWindowLink: http://www.drmartens.com/us/%7CDoc Martens}} and my parents were like, I'm not giving you $150 to clomp around in men's shoes."

"I'm dying for the day when everybody is just looking at their phones and not talking, 'cause I keep hearing it's gonna happen - it's not happening quick enough for me."

"Why are you forcing yogurt on a woman in a hotel room?"

"I feel like every holiday now has turned into barbecuing. Everything is about troops and barbecuing. Even things like Christmas eventually will be a barbecue. I guarantee it. I guarantee in our lifetime - Christmas will turn into a barbecue and some kind of tribute to the military."