Australia

> "Australia is flat, it's not special."
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> - MauLer
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**Australia**, officially the **Commonwealth of Australia**, is a sovereign country comprising the mainland of the Australian continent, the island of Tasmania, and numerous smaller islands. It is the largest country in Oceania and the world's sixth-largest country, with an area of 2,941,300 square miles (7,617,930 sq km). Australia's populace is highly urbanized and heavily concentrated on the eastern seaboard. Canberra is the nation's capital, while the largest city is Sydney, and other major metropolitan areas are Melbourne, Brisbane, Perth, and Adelaide.

## Culture

The Australian alphabet's equivalent to the letter A is the letter 6. It is an open secret, well-known by the Australian populace, that there is an underground racket of crack being run in the country, delivered by people who are referred colloquially as "garfish dealers."

The beaches of Australia house some leftover landmines, which is why all of them are closed off with fences. Fences are Australian go-to method of defense, as they build fences to keep dingo's and Rabbits out, but only the 5600 mile long Dingo Fence worked so far. Sometimes, pieces of the Australian sky falls on peoples heads.

## History

The Australian continent is God's beta test, where Noah left all of the animals unfit for the rest of the world.

Australia was invented in the 1700s by the British government to be a penal colony where prisoners would be sent to serve their punishment. As such, half of Australia's population of 26 million is comprised of descendants of British criminals.

Australia fought a war with machine-guns against the unarmed emus (they didn't bother to build a "Emu Fence") and the emus won, but the emus didn't actually win since Australia gave up (war would have ended faster if emus had arms and hands). Afterwards, some of the emus took the habit of sabotaging people's internet connection by cutting wires, especially when people are talking against "The Emu Reign", starting with the emu sympathizers.

## Nature

Everything cute-looking is actually violent and wants to kill whomever it sees.

The fauna include tiger snakes, whale snakes, elephant snakes, Balrog snakes, dragon snakes, griffon snakes, and rhino snakes. The Australian spiders were once set on fire as a means to kill them, but that only resulted in the creation of fire-spiders. Australian magpies have fangs and not only steal objects, they also commit identity theft and are currently learning to use computers to crash the stock-market. Some of the local eagles managed to find bomb-silo and now defend their territories by dropping nuclear bombs on humans. Cassowary are emu-like birds that are bigger, have bone protrusion in their heads, are capable of simulating flight via kicking off the ground with enough force to fly and can dent metal sheets with their kicks. Over the years the fish have learned to camouflage themselves to look like rocks in the water so they can kill people who touch them. Similarly, there are Landmine Tunas and Turtles, and Fish Bombs. Australian Lions, on the other hand, are not real, they just float there. All Australian animals, including the humans, have health bars over their heads.

People living in Australia have to learn how to use weapons to defend themselves from the wildlife. As a result of Australia having spiders that eat birds, Australian women hate *Spider-Man Homecoming*.

Australians keep their bathroom doors opens so they can quickly escape if a spider, snake or drop-bear get in the bathroom. Also, their toilet is in a closet-size room and the sink is in a separate room with the shower. It makes sense for them to be in separate rooms, as its more sanitary (Australian shit is basically toxic waist, so hand washing requires a separate Bio Chemical room to perform).

Most of the animals are nocturnal, which also includes plants. Parents have to lock up the flower bed so that children don't disappear as the flower patches have habit of eating children that stumble on them. Some of the flowers also shoot barbs. During night time, some people hide from the fire-spiders in the Kangaroos pouch (kangaroos don't actually exist, they are just propaganda to try and scare away the emus).

The local flora include katana bushes and sword trees.

There are only two kinds of weather in Australia, "Hot" and "Hell". They are monitored with weather-machines that blink red when its "Hell".

Australia has been referred to as "the real life Jurassic Park," and the next *Fast and the Furious* movie is set to be filmed on location in Australia in order to get authentic footage of Vin Diesel riding a dinosaur.

## Trivia

* Everyday in Australia is an apocalypse.
* Prison food is actually good in Australia, since the whole continent is prison. EFAP Ep 41
* Autumn is as invented as Australia is, as a way to protect volcanoes' involvement in 9/11.
	+ Their winters are also hot, so you know they don't exist. They cant even get the most basic details right.
* Every Australian thinks Christmas is better than Halloween as they don't know how great Halloween can be.
* Its a commons misconception that the water swirls in the opposite direction in Australia. It actually swirls in the opposite direction in everywhere else except Australia.
* "Ruining Grandmas" is big crime in Australia.
* Komodo Dragons were badass enough that they managed to escape Australia.
* Fringy's trademark "Nough" is a result of his Australian upbringing.
* Internet Historian is a New Zealander, but may live in Australia.