Miley Cyrus talks to pictures of Kyle Lai-Fatt and Jeff Stinco in her bedroom

Miley Cyrus talks to pictures of Kyle Lai-Fatt and Jeff Stinco in her bedroom

*This is the official transcript for Miley Cyrus talks to pictures of Kyle Lai-Fatt and Jeff Stinco in her bedroom.*

Hey Miles, we got here as fast as we could.

Yeah, we would've been here sooner, but somebody thought code red meant stop and get frozen yogurt on the way to Miley's!

Oh, that's funny.

I don't remember this bothering you, when you were eating most of it!

Hey.

Oh, how selfish am I.

I mean, my life is practically falling apart, but uh, I'm interrupting a yogurt crisis!

Sorry, okay.

We're here for you.

Okay, so uh, so what's the deal?

You hope that these guys are just waiting for you to make up your mind?

Yeah.

Man!

I gotta tell you, Miley, if I found out that Lilly was torn between me and another guy, dude, I would walk right up to her, and I would say...

What?

You would say what?

You take all the time you need, sweetheart.

I am here for you and only you, would you like a foot massage?

Oh, see, this is why I love you!

And why you would even think I would even look at another guy?

Because I am a one-guy kind of girl.

You know, I don't go buzzing around like some little queen bee from one little pretty flower, to the next little pretty flower...

But that's just me!

You know, I don't make any judgements.

Oh, look at the time, we're late!

Late for what? We just got here.

We're just late, okay!

Okay.

You know, whatever choice you make, it's gonna be okay.

Let's face it, they're both gorgeous.

What?

In a way that's totally unattractive to me personally, because to me, it's not about the looks.

Excuse me?

Which is why your rugged good looks are just icing on the cake!

You're darn right there.

Yeah!

Man, it's just so hard.

I mean, you!

You were such a great video game developer.

I mean, you worked on all of those NBA 2K games, you became a cheat code through the games, and then you did the whole gotcha thing and, and then you got replaced with all of those bearded men who tweet over 100,000 times on Twitter, and... ugh!!!!!

And then, you, I mean... Jeff Stinco, how do I even begin to describe you?

Your face is so unique, you're like a work of art.

Your eyes are like shining bright diamonds, it's so crispy!

I love your smile, because it lights up a room you walk on.

You're a sweet little angel, a precious little baby, even though you're 47 years old, and I can't stop crushing on you.

That bald head, that lip ring, that totally cute and adorable face of yours, is the real reason why I love you so much, Jeff.

You are such a iconic human being and a really awesome person.

How can I ever repay you for that?

Lady Gaga, Beyoncé, I can't even believe Jeff Stinco is even in the same category as you.

And then you said all of those incredibly sweet things, and... I mean, you're like the lead guitarist of Simple Plan now.

I mean, people may say we look exactly like each other, which brings me back to aah!!!!!

Why you gotta be so wonderful?

Why can't you guys just do the honorable thing and stink?

Ugh!!!!!

Hey, watch it!

You better watch it, girl!

What do you see in this guy, anyways?

He's just too girly, and that's just my honest opinion.

Yet he doesn't mind crying like a baby.

Go figure, Jeff Stinco.

Um, too girly? You're the one who's last name is Lai-Fatt, it's like you are fat!

That is why you aren't successful like me!

Get over with it already, Kyle Lai-Fatt!

I'm done dealing with your butt right now!

Kyle, let's not fight, shall we?

I really want to be a singer, but all of my fears keeps getting in the way.

Hannah Montana is the only friend I need to get my singing career back.

I've been trying to sing since I was a little baby, and my hopes and my dreams aren't destroyed much longer!

And that's all because of Simple Plan and Patrick Langlois putting me into a bad place I don't want to be in.

I really need her help.

Exactly, Jeff, but Kyle thought you deserved to be a guitarist.

You felt depressed about this your whole entire life, and Simple Plan is making up lies about your age, the fact that they said that you went to high school with those guys, even though you're like way more older than them, and you never got the chance to get your own songs brought back to you, because of some stupid band stealing your own songs away from you.

And because of this, you were no longer Jeff Stinco the artist, you were just that bald guy who plays the guitar in Simple Plan.

I feel bad for you, but you're still so cute though, not gonna lie!

Oh my God, Miley, what you said brought me a tear to my eye!

I feel like crying now, because Simple Plan made me cry, made me feel ashamed for my singing talent!

I didn't know them then!

I was just being successful on my own!

Until those guys came to me, and these guys made me feel like I'm not like the same person I once was when I released Broken Not Beaten, when I released Dangerous Ambitions, when Luck Is For Losers got released, and also, when Jeff got released, my heart was broken.

I have a broken heart that couldn't really be fixed, because of those guys.

They made me feel so ashamed of who I am today, as an artist and a musician, and I hate it so much!

Oh, that's exactly what happened to me too when I used to work for 2K Sports and Visual Concepts.

I am still shocked that 2K and VC fired me out of my own job for no reason whatsoever, and it was back in 2015, right?

I blame Ronnie 2K, I blame Mike Wang, I blame Rachel DeMita, I blame Chris Manning, and all those other guys at 2K and Visual Concepts for screwing me up as a project manager!

That is one thing I feel so sad about to this day, and I hate it so much.

I'm sorry to hear that, Kyle, Jeff, you know I got both of your backs already, but one of these days, you're gonna have to have mine when everyone finds out that I am Hannah Montana.

Look, I know you feel for these people, and I do too.

I know what you've been through, and I want you to get away from them, and just do something nice for once.

What?

Destroy those scary bearded men tweeting over 100,000 times on Twitter.

Get their accounts to be suspended, after finding out that they are all so messed up and disgusting on there.

And make Twitter a better place for all of us, and for our fans who don't need facial hair to look scary, like those guys.

Those men are sick disgusting monsters trying to boost themselves up online, and they don't deserve the love over us.

They are horrible people for life.

Yeah, and beat the living hell out of those sick bastards being so obsessed over us.

Those men don't need to be so obsessed with us, and then you find out that they all do horrible stuff to children!

How disgusting is that?

Those guys need to be more into stuff they should be interested in.

They should go obsess over Blake Shelton, or ZZ Top, or The Dog Whisperer.

Not Jeff Stinco.

Yeah, I think bearded men obsessed with tweeting so much about doing bad stuff to children, and all of that other yucky, nasty, disgusting stuff to Twitter, are just big fat wolves in sheep's clothing, who done goofed way too many times to be so obsessed over us, and our looks.

It's a shame, Miley, but this is the world we live in.

Sweet niblets, I know!

Those guys are really disgusting, they really need a butt whooping for life!

I think that men with beards tweeting so much on Twitter, having way more tweets than us, are doing something really bad on there to make themselves feel like they really should be obsessed with us, when in reality, they are all predators, and deserves to eat dog poop for the rest of their life forever.

Yeah, men with beards don't need to be obsessed with us, we have clean shaven guys and girls who love us a lot more than these weirdos on Twitter.

Predators don't need a platform for themselves, that is how they silence their own victims from speaking out about them.

And on the unrelated side note of things, I was raped by Steve Harvey when I was 11 years old.

Seems crazy, right?

Yeah, it does seem crazy that Steve Harvey did something horrible to you as a child, Kyle.

Like, lock all of those bearded weirdos in jail already!

They make me sick, and I can't wait to see them get suspended.

All of them deserve that!

Yeah, put all of their butts to jail, and get all of their Twitter accounts suspended soon, so I can finally sing to the whole wide world already, just for once!

Those sick monsters and the lives they had ruined!

Just think about that for once, Miley!

I didn't realize you were Hannah Montana, but now that I know what your secret of who you are, it's Jeff time!

Oh, really? I didn't realize you were Hannah Montana.

Now that I also know your own secret too, it's Kyle time!

No, it's Jeff time!

It's Kyle time!

Jeff!

Kyle!

Jeff!

Kyle!

Jeff!

Kyle!

Jeff!

Kyle!

Stop it!

(groaning)

You okay?

Daddy, I'm yelling at pictures.

Does this seem normal to you?

Mile, in this family, I stopped expecting normal a long time ago. What's going on?

Well, I was actually fangirling over Jeff Stinco and Kyle Lai-Fatt, because I thought they were hot.

All of a sudden, their pictures started talking to me, and they told me about why our fans are becoming scary bearded men who tweet over 100,000 times on Twitter.

And then, they knew my Hannah secret, and I yelled at them.

Oh, no.

Oh, yeah. Didn't need to say that.

Oh, no.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, boy.

Actually, oh boys.

Ooh, well! Mile!

Though you said it was easy, listening to your heart.

(Hannah Montana's Don't Wanna Be Torn playing)

Hey there, Miley, I have been thinking about trying to sing again.

Can you make me into a singer again?

Jeff!

(groans)

Oh!

(thuds)