Hansel: Problem

Hansel left the ship with his bag, not sure if he would be coming back.

He didn't know if Jonn would remember the plan. It'd been years since they set it up -- what he and Luci were to do if anything happened to the monastery, only more recently if something happened in Skyport. Hansel kept thinking of him as a kid, but he was an adult -- he didn't need Hansel and he might just go his own way. He might not be there. Hansel repeated this to himself on the entire dark walk to the ruins of the Grumpy Sausage.

That was another complication. The Sausage had been their designated meeting spot because Hansel had taken the kids there to eat before leaving for the Sanctuary. Now that it was gone, Jonn might not know where to go -- it was meant to be a safe, neutral area where they could figure out their next move, and it definitely wasn't that anymore.

But Hansel didn't know what else to do. Maybe Jonn would be too freaked out to remember the plan, or maybe he'd gotten too badly hurt to make it, or maybe he would be angry, or sulking, and just not show.

Charred timbers crunched under Hansel's boots as he stepped into what had been his home, for a while, until he'd destroyed it. “Jonn?”

There was an answering crunch and the kid slipped out from behind what remained of the bar. He was limping but bolted for Hansel and smashed into him hard enough to knock him back a couple steps, like they hadn't seen each other in a year. Only one arm went around Hansel, the other secured in a makeshift sling.

Hansel didn't think Jonn would know how to do that, so his first question was, “Is someone looking after you? You're not alone?”

Jonn shook his head. “Finch.”

He guessed it was better than no one. Anyone was better than no one; bad things happened in Skyport when Jonn was left alone.

The kid pulled back. His eyes were red-rimmed from crying, but Hansel knew he could cry on command. “Are you mad at me?”

Hansel thought about snapping his neck. It'd be easy. He was small. Thought about drawing an axe and burying it in his spine. Pinning him down and choking him. There were a thousand different ways to solve this problem he'd created that was staring up at him with utter trust.

He tugged the kid back against his chest. “No.”

Fuck. Of course he wasn't. He never was. It was a goddamn issue. Couldn't be angry at Mishka for trying to kill him, couldn't be angry at Jonn for trying to kill Mishka, couldn't be angry at Goro and Sugar for trying to kill Jonn. He didn't know what was wrong with him. He just wanted them all to settle down and get along. He didn't want his anger to cause more problems, like it always did, like it had caused Jonn.

He held Jonn out at arm's length. “I told you not to do anything to Mishka without talking to me first.”

“I … Yeah, I didn't do that.”

No excuses, at least. “Why?”

The kid looked around like he might find an answer in the wreckage. “It was a really good deal. It seemed like it'd be easy. And it was.”

Fucking Diva. He didn't even know how Jonn had found out about the thing. Maybe it sought out people like him. Like all of them.

“You proud of yourself, then?” he asked after a moment.

Jonn fidgeted with his sling and refused to look at Hansel. “Not really.” He hesitated. “I didn't know all that was gonna happen. I just gave Goro the vials. Diva told me Mishka would get one. I didn't know what it was gonna … do with him.” In a lower voice, he added, “I just wanted him to suffer.”

Like it was nothing. Like it was a normal desire to have. Hansel didn't realize his grip on Jonn's arm had tightened until the kid was squirming to get away.

“You said you weren't mad,” he protested.

Hansel let him go. “Mishka never did anything to you, Jonn.”

The kid's eyes narrowed. “You forget the whole poisoning thing?”

“He was never going to let you die. I made him take a truth serum -- if I'd just --.” He sighed. “If I'd just left it alone you would have been fine. Flynn would've been fine. He just did it to fuck with me.”

“Well, he shouldn't have been fucking with you.” Jonn looked down. “You always make excuses for him. No matter what he does to you. Or anyone else. Even me.”

“I know.”

He wanted to tell Jonn about the dragon. About all Mishka's plans and schemes and the way he twisted in on himself when Hansel wasn't there to hold him in place. Mishka needed him, whether he was keen on admitting it or not. And especially now, when he couldn't admit it at all, and it was because of Jonn.

Hansel thought again about all the violent ways he could make this problem go away. Poison. Throat-slitting. Gutting. All the things he told Jonn not to do. He pulled his kid in close and kissed the top of his head and sighed.

“You and Finch still with that guild?”

“Yeah.”

“All right. Stay with him. Stay busy. I gotta … I gotta see this thing through, with Ripley and the rest.” He wasn't sure what that meant. Seeing it through. “I'll be back. Don't know when.”

Jonn pressed closer against him.“I don't like it when you leave me.”

“I know.”

He wanted to point out that if Jonn had just done as he'd fucking said, he could come with him. But if Jonn had done what he'd said, this wouldn't have happened, and he'd be dozing in Mishka's library right now, temporarily without a care in the world.

“Bad things happen when you leave me,” Jonn mumbled.

*You do bad things when I leave you.*

“Just … stay with Finch,” Hansel told him. “I don't want you to be alone. I'll be back, Jonn.” Keep it together until then, he wanted to say. “Just remember the rules.”

“I don't have my notebook.”

“Don't set things on fire …” he started.

“Don't hurt people. No stabbing. No stealing?”

“If it's for the guild, I guess it's fine,” Hansel allowed, figuring the structure of working for a guild would help keep him stable, even if it was unscrupulous work.

“Okay.” He paused, then repeated, “And stay with Finch. And you'll be back.”

“I'll be back.” It might not be true, but he had to think it was. “I love you.”

Jonn's fingers dug into him. “I love you.”