The Vices of Chanukwanzaa - A Tale of Fun-Ball Legend

The content of this page is relevant to the Phi Timeline.

**Meta Content:** This section contains details which break reader immersion.
**💡****⽊**

## Introduction

**Yes, hello, Mercuron here, or if formalities are your sort of thing, Mercuron Shamdon Kao, at your service. You will find yourself in a space of augmented canon, where the causality of events is irrationally determined. As such, while the happenings of this story do in fact impact that of the overarching tale, many major and minor elements alike will likely be tampered with to fit in with the grand thing that is All. As the proto-Ludusians would say, take what you hear here with a grain of salt. I think that's all you need to hear, so without any further interruptions, minus the few that will forseeably happen, let us bask in the glorious mediocrity of online fiction. No misprints.**

## Chapter 1: Industria

A strange ship lands in what seems to be the rubble of what used to be Cravolca Labs. A bloody Vamgreed skull still lies atop one of the collapsed neuronium pillars. A strange figure approaches.

???: Yes, yes, this is it!

It pulls out a small round, shiny object. The object glows with a fiery energy.

The figure, along with several bodyguards, head back to the dusty ship, and launch into the sky, leaving no evidence of their existence. Their cloning machine then begins its process. A video-conference is started up. Several more shadowy figures appear on the screen as the guards stand by.

???: Soon, a new order of darkness shall reign. We shan't make the same mistake as Carmilla, ours will be a creed of efficiency.

???: **I pray to Tenebrae for your own fate that what you say is true. And what of her remaining minions, those who fell to the temptation of the fiber?**

???: Do not worry, they will be assimilated into our cause. And if not, we still have those messed-up devil children to deal with them.

???: **I'm still not entirely on board with using my former disciple to spread a disease. It doesn't sit right with me and I'm sure that mother Gaia would not approve of it.**

???: **Don't you worry about Gaia, ever since you made this creature you have had no chance in hell of repenting in front of her. If you're going to divert from her path anyway, it'd be in your best interests to fully embrace the dark route.**

### MEANWHILE

Poisonshot: THE CRAVOLCA IS BACK!!!!!!!!! HELL YA!!!!!!!!!

Delinius: Excuse me, I thought someone got rid of him? Surely something that evil isn't allowed to ever return...

**okay wait a minute mori fuck,, what**

**What's the problem?**

**isnt this just a fuckin reskin of the dr sand intro**

**Uh...**

**just imagine the incomprehensinlbe shitstorm when dms finds you reviving cravolca mori do you not know that your actoins have consquences**

**What are you talking about? I didn't revive Cravolca, I have much better uses of my necromancy powers than that.**

**will i also get to be a character in this story?**

**I'm pretty sure that was just for Muerteween.**

**And hey. What about me? I wasn't even in the Muerteween story. When I should have been.**

**FOMG IT'S SANFORD!!!!11!1!111!!**

**yknow what fuck it lets just continue writing this shit but dont say i didnt warn you..,.**

**Oh, hush, you. Now stop breaking the fourth wall.**

**i think that i am still here from the last story because the spell apparently did not wear off yes?**

**That and the Splinters weren't killed, which is why you're characters here.**

**Heck yeah**

**\*BANS EVERYONE\***

**i wanred you meng I WARNED YOU DOG**

**\\falls down an infinite amount of stairs\\**

**i WARNED YOU ABOUT THSOE cONSQUENCES**

**IT KEEPS HAPPENING**

**HELL YA!!!!!!**

**Well, at least I TRIED TO MAKE SENSE. Is there anyone else who wants to make this an actual story?**

**... I need to eat something unless you want a rant \*eats multiple burritos**

### meanwhile

Revelian: u kno zochary dark matter are a lot like le onion.,...

Zachary: \*le troll zachi fdace\* because both have le stink?

Revelian: \*le reblian face\* zachreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Real!Revelian then came over and killed the fake Revelian and Zachary.

Revelian: NOW THEN... \*assends\*

Revelian then went KAISER MODE and made Asstra explode.

### MEENWHOLE

```
**B****E****,****P****E**
**H****E****H****A**

```

Amory's Otherworldly counterpart then emerged from the portal. However, Amory stayed there, causing corruption to appear because reasons and explanations that make sense and shit.

### ELSEWHERE

While this was happening, Poisonshot was buried under a pile of burritos and cake. A note was found on the pile:

```
**Whatever the Cravolca 1s; 1 don't l1ke it:**
Maeybe Po1sonshot needs to be cleaned ae b1t as there's a lot of sauce on the burr1tos.

```

Poisonshot was found alive and indeed covered in sauce, garlic sauce to be exact. He said a bird was talking to him and described it as being a phoenix. Who the phoenix was and why they did this is unknown. Poisonshot was cleaned up and sent off. A small party tracked down the phoenix to find it suddenly disappear. They then apparently were attacked by a flying table and smashed to death. The phoenix, or whatever it is, has not been caught yet. Another note was found.

```
**Oh, what's this? Coming after me? Don't bother. I'm after this Cravolca thing, whatever it is.**
If Poisonshot likes it, it must surely be evil.

```

It is rumored that a certain Soul Flame is behind all of this.

### sanford meanwhile

Sanford: You know what? I'm tired of being a crappy minor character in this story. I'm going to go out. And do something great. Who's the main villain in this one? I'm gonna go out and kill that guy. Yeah.

Jast: OH HEY LEMME GO WITH-

Sanford: Sure. Whatever. Weird angel guy. I'll probably need help or something. Usually these scenarios play out like that.

JAST HAS JOINED YOUR PARTY!

Sanondorf: So yeah. Now. Wait. What happened to my name?

Sanford: Okay. That's better. Anyway. We're going to go find this guys' base. Probably in some hot springs or something. And we're gonna storm it. That's the plan. Right.

Delinius then runs towards them.

Delinius: Lemme go with-

Sanford: Alright. Glowing dude. You probably have a reason to join me. Let me hear it.

Delinius: I possess an axe, a bow and a sword. I can do a lot of different things?

Sanford: I don't think. We need you. What's the glowing from.

Delinius: Ehh... I... OKAY I USE MAGIC AND YOU HATE THAT. AND NOW YOU WILL TRY TO KILL ME.

Sanford then stabs at Delinius. Delinius becomes a Soul Flame and floats away, taking no damage from the hook.

Delinius: I knew it. You may despise of magic, but I will be going after that bad guy as well. Also, if you attack me you have yourself an angry god attacking you. Not that you would care. All that matters to you is that magic is bad.

Sanford: I don't want your magic bullshit! You WILL die.

Delinius: You can try all you want with that hook, but you can't hurt me with that in my current form.

Delinius laughs and disappearifies.

Sanford: THE NEXT GLOWING ASSHOLE WHO ISN'T FUCKING BIOLUMINESCENT OR SOME SHIT. IS GONNA GET FUCKED UP. GOD DAMNIT.

And then some glowing asshole who wasn't fucking bioluminscent or some shit got fucked up.

Sanford: FUCK YOU.

You proceed to go through all this and accomplish absolutely nothing. Good job, guys.

**NO FUCK THAT. WE'RE LEAVING NOW.**

### and then they left

bluh

Cravolca was unfazed by your bluhs!

Sandford used hook! It's somewhat effective!

Jast used anchor! It's somewhat effective!

Cravolca used fire! It's very effective! Sanford and Jast have been knocked out!

Jast begins to go into a strange trance while unconscious...

### Intermission 1: Memewhile,

Jast: ...

Narrator: ...

Busta: ...

Busta: Yeah...

Jast: ...

Busta: Check it out, see

Busta: The only thing you need to do right here is,

Jast: \*Sweats\*

Busta: Is nod your [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] head

Busta: Yeah, yeah

Busta: Break ya [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] neck, [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]

Busta: Yeah, yeah

Busta: Here we go now...

Busta: Where we goin' now?

Busta: Where we goin' now?

Busta: Give it away, give it away, give it away now

Busta: Give it away, give it away, give it away now

Busta: Just give it away, [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]

Busta: Yeah, here we go now

Busta: Tell me wat'chu really wanna do

Twista: Come here, ma

Busta: Talk to a [EXPLETIVE REDACTED], talk to me

Busta: You look like you could really give it to a [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] from the way you talk and the way ya try to walk from me

Busta: The way you really try to put it on a dog

Busta: Through ya hips like ya never did before for me

Busta: The way you break yo' back, and I break yo' neck and the way you try to put it on the floor for me

Busta and Twista: Come on! Come on, come on! Oh yeah! Tell me where my [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] is at, okay!

Busta: Lemme address y'all [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] one time, while I lock that down, and I hit'cha wit that

Twista: YOU GONE!

Busta: That bomb [EXPLETIVE REDACTED], y'all [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] gone all day be the [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] in the drop

Busta: Y'all [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] know every time I come through, this [EXPLETIVE REDACTED], where we always takin' the ride

Busta and Twista: So let me do this [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]

Busta: Y'all [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] know when we come, we be makin' it flop, the way we makin' it hot'll make a [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] wanna- stop!

Gold Tooth: \*Gleams\*

Busta: Get money, then cash that check for me, all my [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] just bust yo' tech for me

Busta: Everybody from every hood bang yo' head 'til you break yo' [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] neck for me!

Busta and Background Singers: Just let me give you real street [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] to rap in yo' [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] with

Busta and Background Singers: Recline yo' seat rewind this heat, keep bouncin' up and down these streets

Busta and Twista: So nod yo' head and

Busta and Twista: Break yo' neck, [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]!

Busta and Twista: Break yo' neck, [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]!

Busta and Twista: Break yo' neck, [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]!

Busta: Bang yo' head until you start to

Busta and Twista: Break yo' neck, [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]!

Busta and Twista: Break yo' neck, [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]!

Busta and Twista: Break yo' neck, [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]!

Busta and Twista: Break yo' neck, [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]!

Busta and Twista: Break yo' neck, [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]!

Busta and Twista: Break yo' neck!

Busta: Come along now!

Twista: Let's put it down, [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]!

Busta: When I bounce back and you know I done caught my breath, y'all [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] all know how we do

Busta: When the way we bang [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] in the head, and we do it to death

Twista: We fold 'em back, [MISTRANSLATED TEXT]!

Busta: The fire boy, you know we bakin' a ounce, I know you love the way we be givin' you the music, makin' you bounce

Busta: Now [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] it up just a little for my [EXPLETIVE REDACTED], everytime we come through [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] know that we did it for y'all

Hillbilly Busta: Uh-huh?

Busta: And the way we do it for the people, [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] know we always give it to y'all

Probably Not Phil and/or Brent: I said bounce!

Busta and Twista: Come on!

Busta: In the day time or the night, when ya creepin' along, we'll just bang this [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] up in the truck

Busta: While you break yo' neck, now, [EXPLETIVE REDACTED], try to figure my flow

Busta: See the way we come right through?

Busta and Twista: When we come right through!

Busta: We be always blowin' the spot, again and again, and make a [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] really wanna- STOP!

Pause: \*Is hold\*

[EXPLETIVES REDACTED]: \*Are stopped\*

Busta: Better tell yo' crew, yo' peeps all my [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] better put they troops on

Busta: And gather up your soldiers [EXPLETIVE REDACTED], you know you better keep yo' boots on

Busta: All my [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] in the place!

Let's be honest Twista doesn't really do anything in this song: And you!

Busta: Wave your hands high now! And the way we put it down, make a [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] wonder what he really gonna try now

Busta: What'cha really wanna do? Just place your bet, and put'cha money where ya mouth is

A very confused Twista: Ah-hu?

Busta: All my [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] in the street just break yo' neck and keep on boun-cin!

BC Shepard Busta: \*Appears\*

Ram: \*Is there\*

BC Shepard Busta: ...

Ram: ...

BC Shepard Busta: ... Hmph.

BC Shepard Busta: \*Poorly synced with voice\* You want to ram with me? Hmph.

(A slow-motion scene of BC Shepard Busta headbutting a charging Ram takes place. Busta rams the charging Ram once more, which falls over and moans, dead.)

BC Shepard Busta: \*Meanders over to dead Ram\* Wat'chu sayin' now, [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]?

BC Shepard Busta: \*Angrily\* I told you! I would break yo' [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] neck, you mean-faced [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]!

BC Shepard Busta: \*Sheds manly tear, tosses hat\*

Narrator: ...

Jast: ...

...: ...

... Busta and Twista: Break yo' neck!

Busta: Here we go now! And you know everytime the Busta-Bus be holdin the fort, my [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] watch how we shuttin' it down

Busta: The way we put it on, comin' through like a steamroller, me and Dre [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] ain't no [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] around

Busta: My [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]

Twista and Dr. Dre: WHAT!

Busta: Yeah, whattup, me and my team got a link cuz you know we stay choppin' it up

Busta: And when get up in the club, or how my [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] at the bar how we lockin' it up

Busta: And we get a little-

Twista: High!

Busta: Get a little-

Twista: Drunk!

Busta: Get a little-

Twista: Crunk!

Busta: Come on! Lemme give y'all [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] some [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] that'll make you wanna bang this out yo' trunk

Busta and Twista: Come on!

Busta: Get money, then cash that check for me, all my [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] just bust yo' tech for me

Busta: Everybody from every hood bang yo' head 'til you break yo' [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] neck for me!

Busta: Get money, then cash that check for me, all my [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] just bust yo' tech for me

Busta: Everybody from every hood bang yo' head 'til you break yo' [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] neck for me!

Busta and Background Singers: Just let me give you real street [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] to rap in yo' [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] with

Busta and Background Singers: Recline yo' seat rewind this heat, keep bouncin' up and down these streets

Busta and Twista: So nod yo' head and

Busta and Twista: Break yo' neck, [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]!

Busta and Twista: Break yo' neck, [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]!

Busta and Twista: Break yo' neck, [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]!

Busta: Bang yo' head until you start to

Busta and Twista: Break yo' neck, [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]!

Busta and Twista: Break yo' neck, [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]!

Busta and Twista: Break yo' neck, [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]!

Busta and Twista: Break yo' neck, [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]!

Busta and Twista: Break yo' neck, [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]!

Busta and Twista: Break yo' neck!

Twista: \*Dances the robot\*

Busta and [EXPLETIVES REDACTED]: \*Are still stopped\*

Hillbilly Busta: \*Runs and smiles\*

Gold Tooth: \*Gleams\*

Red Busta: \*Angrily shakes fist at camera\*

Busta: \*Creepily grimaces at camera\*

Busta and Dr. Dre: \*Urgently has sex with steamroller\*

Busta and Dr. Dre: \*Still urgently has sex with steamroller\*

Different Hillbilly Busta: \*Eats\*

Red Busta: \*Shoves background dancer out of way\*

Red Busta: \*Angrily pumps fists at camera\*

Red Busta: \*Angrily and inexplicably begins beating up background dancers\*

Jast: \*Cries\*

Narrator: \*Also cries\*

Better Narrator: \*Slaps Narrator, pulls Jast out of the dream realm\*

### BAK2STR-

Jast: \*wakes up\*

Sanford is still knocked out.

Cravolca: DID YOU THINK YOU WOULD STOP ME?

Carvolca is then fried.

Suddenly, Stickbeard appears.

Stickbeard: GET YOUR FRIED CRAVOLCA HERE! WE HAVE PREMIUM FRIED CRAVOLCA MEAT, FOR REASONABLE PRICES.

Attracted by the smell of meat, many main characters gather to the vendor.

Samuel: Does this taste good on pizza?

Stickbeard: Don't fucking know.

Sanford: \*wakes up\* Wait. Who fried Cravolca?

Delinius: It was I! I used my magic powers to save you! Wait-

Before Delinius could tell Sanford that he'd already predicted that he was going to be stabbed, Sanford stabbed him.

Sanford: BLUH MAGIC IS EVIL

Of course Delinius dodges the hook for some reason or other, which seems to be his specialty. In his blind annoyance, he remarks something about Sanford without knowing what he's doing.

Delinius: Your aversion against magic I understand, Sanford. I know you've suffered from magic users. What's so sad is that it makes you a very bitter man. Perhaps you will never understand it.

Mori pulls him aside.

Mori: Er, whatever you know about Sanford is likely not true for this one. You forget that he's a Splinter, not the real thing. He's only based on the memories of living people, not his own. Since, knowing my history, it was a known fact that he was a hater of magic, I'm pretty sure he just hates magic because people remember that he did, not because he actually went through suffering.

Delinius: Oh wait, you mean this is still the thing with the 'ghosts that aren't ghosts but other things?'. Hm. I suppose I went a little overboard there. Wait, if we could change the memories about- nah, that would be ridiculous. Forget that. I'm out of here, I hope.

Sanford: What the fuck are you talking about over there? Exchanging magic spells. I bet. That's what magic people do. DeCurro. They always talk about their magic. Annoying holes.

Jast: Uh, dube, I use magic too.

Sanford: I. Am going to pretend I didn't hear that.

Sam(ford): ohlohloh

Delinius: Well then. If nobody needs me here, I am getting out of here before I'm stabbed with a hook \*stabbed with hook by Sanford\*

Sanford: Got you, magical bastard!

Delinius briefly intends to attack Sanford, but changes his mind, turning into a Soul Flame again.

Delinius: WELL THEN. I REALLY SHOULD LEAVE BEFORE THIS SANFORDSPLINTER KILLS ME.

Delinius then turns into a human again.

Delinius: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!??!!?1!?!?!?!?1?!/1?!?!!?!?/1?!/!?1/!?!?!?!?!?!!!1!eleventy-twelve!!!!11@?!!1!!!!?!?!!!!11/!?1?!!!!

Splinterford: MY HOOK HAS MAGIC-CANCELLING PROPERTIES.

Delinius: OH NOES!

Poisonshot: OH NOSE!

Sanford then stabs Delinius in the leg.

Delinius: SANFORD HAS STABBED ME A LEG!

Jast: NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER DO THAT! (Never do it because it's bad, lmao)

Poisonshot: SANFORD, WHY ARE YOU EVIL?

Sanford: BECAUSE I AM NOT SANFORD, I AM CRIMEFORD!

Dwin: NUUUUUUUUUUUOUOUOUOOUUOUOUOUOUOUUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUO(continues)

Mune: ouo

Sam(ford): ohlohlohLOHLOHLOH

Fire InThe Hole (the author) becomes Crime InThe Hole. He kicks Sanford into a nearby trash can and enters a hole that suddenly exists because you know it has to happen.

CITH: HAHAHA I R IN HOLE. I R WAIT AND KILL SANDROF WHEN HE NOT LOOKIN. YOU R ALL SINED.

Sam(ford): We must pull the crime out!

Sam then sends a SAM (**S**urface to **A**ir **M**issile) into the hole and launches him out.

Samuel: We are success.

Crime InThe Hole then smacks down into the nearby trash can and becomes Fire InThe Hole again, i.e. Delinius.

Delinius: OUH. What happened? Why am I in a trash can? Why am I finding an onion here? Why haven't I had a piece of fried Cravolca yet?

Dwin: DO I HAVE TO RAGE? \*undoes Splinterford's magic-cancelling hook\*

Sanford shrugs.

Delinius: HAHA YEAH! \*possesses trash can\* I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU GET ME *THIS* WAY!

Sanford then kicks the trashcan down the cliff into a plane full of dynamite.

Sanford: DIE.

He fails to realise that Delinius can prevent things from burning. Delinius survives, but nevertheless takes a great fall. He decides to go home and reinforce his house to make it Sanford-Splinter-proof. Moreover, he vows to get rid of the Sanford Splinter. Sanford, however, thinks that Delinius has finally died.

The reader will now enter a side-plot.

### NEXT SECTION

Busta awakens suddenly, confused as to the turn of events that had just taken place. Was he really dryhumping a steamroller with Dr. Dre? Did he really headbutt a ram to death? Was that one-eye angel guy really watching and crying? And most importantly, was Twista *actually* helping him rap or was he just kind of there?

It was no matter. He had awoken, and the inevitable had fallen upon Ludus.

Busta Rhymes was a canon character, and he now had an official side-plot going for him in a story.

***OH YEAH, BUDDY. YOU THOUGHT I WAS JOKING.***

Busta sought out on a grand adventure to defeat a great beast and then proceed to write an incredible rap about it.

This is his story...

Well, I mean, it's *a* story, and he just happens to have a subplot going for him, but yeah. You get it.

Busta: Hah... It's [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] hot in here... Yo, Twista!

Twista: \*Probably does something\*

Busta: Hah, that's what I thought, [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]. You gon' get in the Busta-Bus or what, my [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]?

Twista: \*Half-handedly shrugs\*

TWISTA has joined the party! (Probably.)

Busta: That's what I like to hear, dog.

Snoop Dogg: Ayyo, did somebody say Dogg?

J-Dog: Hey, did someone say Dog?

Busta: AYYO GET YO [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]-[EXPLETIVE REDACTED] OUTTA HERE BEFORE I BREAK OFF A [EXPLETIVE (?) REDACTED] IN YO' [EXPLETIVE REDACTED okay no it's just a body part but ew] YA [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] [EXPLETIVE REDACTED] CUPCAKES.

J-Dog: :,(

Busta: Yeah, whatever. Busta-Bus only got room fo' three.

Twista: Who's three, B.R.?

Busta: That guy.

Ram: \*Sheep noise\*

Twista: Aaite, let's go get some Desert Fan-Boons.

Busta transformed into the BUSTA-BUS!

Busta: Let's ride, y'all. Gon' get some mad guac.

Twista: \*Silent woo-ing noises. It's really weird and disturbing.\*

Ram: \*Acquires shades\*

The gang rides off to the Pyramid in search of Desert Fan-Boons, under the blessing of the great god Flipmode.

### Back to the story again again again again-\*shot\*

Waldo: I'M BACK GUYS

Waldo is then beaten to death ~~with a cucumber~~. He falls to the ground. A Revelian laughs in the distance.

### you can skip this if you hate HS stuff i guess

#### WUN

HZ: today i put........ JELLY on this, hot god

SJ: AHAHAHAHAHA JUST HOW HIGH DO YOU EVEN HAVE TO BE JUST TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT........

#### TOO

ECONONY,,.

HZ: the enonomy in ruins? (fan-boons are the cause) pfff............ meng time to get my game on no what im sayin.......

SJ: and there he goes...

SJ: the squirrel..... has his game

SJ: i am NOT joking, WHAT did that guy even SMOKE this is INSANE HAHAHA

SJ: maybe there right..... that some times video games, DOES CAUSE violence

#### FREE

intoducing, the new friend...................,,, REBOLAIN

and then rebolain and bluno had lots of secks cuz

SJ: meng

SJ: meng have you seen my eye

SJ: around anywear

HZ: no dude

HZ: AGAIN what the eyes what IS it even with you and EYES MAN

HZ: its like you must be TOKING UP on a joint to make you STON STONED or something, i can't even think of WHO leaves all there eye lyong around like that AUUUUUGH

Sweet Jast gets into a car.

SJ: the eye ruse was a..... DISTACTION

SJ: i have the car

Sweet Jast then drives the car into the river.

#### FOR

mery chanukwanza

from are family to your's

### End SLaHZ Intermission

Suddenly, Amory appears.

Mori: Well, then...

Josewong: I Thought You Had Been Eaten By Delinius

Delinius then ninja'd from nowhere and kicks him into a trashcan. In the trashcan, there is some pizza.

Delinius: Josewong, you should have known that I prefer different types of food. You are again JOSEWRONG.

Delinius disappearifies in a huge ball of fire.

FINAL BOSS BATTLE BEGIN!

Challenger: Amory

Players: Zachary, Jast, Revelian, Sanford, Zaion, Mori, Poisonshot, Samuel, Mercuron, Delinius

Rev used KAISER

Rev flicks AMORY

AMORY explodes.

THEND

### But Nobody Cared So

Busta: Hah! We made it, y'all.

Twista: \*Chases his tail or something\*

Pyramid Boss: \*Is there\*

Ram: ＢＥＧＯＮＥ, ＦＯＵＬ ＣＲＩＴＴＥＲ! ＷＥ ＨＡＶＥ ＡＲＲＩＶＥＤ ＵＮＤＥＲ ＴＨＥ ＢＬＥＳＳＩＮＧＳ ＯＦ ＴＨＥ ＧＲＥＡＴ ＦＬＩＰＭＯＤＥ ＡＮＤ ＡＲＥ ＨＥＲＥ ＴＯ ＲＩＧＨＴＦＵＬＬＹ ＣＬＡＩＭ ＹＯＵＲ ＴＲＥＡＳＵＲＥＳ ＡＳ ＯＵＲ ＯＷＮ.

Busta: ... What ma' holmes said.

Pyramid Boss: Oh! Okay then. I wasn't aware that you were going to stop by. Please, take what you need!

Twista: Wait what

#### BATTLE: One PAPER APE!

A PAPER APE was inexplicably summoned! This is what happens when you just casually "Wait what" whenever you feel like it listen to me

Busta used STAY STRAPPED!

Busta gripped his gun. Accuracy increased!

Twista used BABBLE!

Nothing happens...

Ram used RAM!

Another Ram was summoned to the field!

The Paper Ape folds itself into an airplane!

The bombs launched for 73 damage each!

Busta complains that the use of the term "RAM" meant to assault the enemy by charging!

The narrator doesn't actually care!

Twista used THE WORLD'S FASTEST RAP!

... Twista didn't feel like it.

Ram (1) used RAM!

Another Ram was summoned to the field!

Ram (2) used HEADBUTT!

A Headbutt was summoned to the field!

The Paper Ape spawned a Paper Child!

The Paper Child remained idle.

Busta used A GUN!

Busta shot at the Paper Ape for 314159okaylookit'spiokay damage!

The Paper Ape was defeated!

Twista complained to the narrator!

The narrator quit.

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

The narrator came back, grumbled, and destroyed the Paper Child out of goodwill.

The rest of the allies that were not in the initial party disappeared.

Pyramid Boss probably cried because nobody needs to put up with that bunk.

The team collected 950 DESERT BOONS!

Twista: Good [EXPLETIVE REDACTED], man.

## Chapter 2 - Humanitas

Busta: X-

Revelian went KAISER and killed Busta and Twista forever and they never came back ever the end.

... *Hah*.

Busta came back forever. Twista didn't because nobody really cares let's be honest. Also the Ram never left.

Delinius appearifies.

Delinius: OH YEAH THERE'S A RAM. CAN I EAT THE CARP OUT OF THE RAM?

Ram used RAM! It was very effective!

Delinius was knocked back and crashes on the moon after a few hours.

Ram wins!

Now back to our feature presentation, *Rhymes With Busta*.

The title of this story has now changed to that.

Just kidding.

...

... Please?

Suddenly:

Busta Rhymes: I not Busta Rhymes I Busta Crymes

Busta Crymes: My real goal is to help. Waldo revive Fan-Boons

Suddenly again:

Revelian appears and kills Busta Crymes

Suddenly twice again:

The real Busta is revived

### bluh bluh

Meanwhile, in a dark woods. A green-haired lad meets up with a former acquaintance. And then, a deadly alliance is formed... The League Of Carbon Fiber.

???: I Am Now The Villain Of This Story Why Is This

(Just go with it, mate.)

???: Okay Then

???: I Suppose I Should Now Do Evil

???: Polandball I Order You To Attack Ludus Please

Polandball: Yessir

Suddenly In Outer space on a space ship known as the Death Fear Ice Cannon.

Dr. Ubuntu: It is time to freeze the entire Ludus And defeat Microsoft Sam once and for all.

Dr. Ubuntu aims the Death Fear Ice Cannon at Ludus. Or more precisely Microsoft Sam's location.

Biggest Fear: Pretty Much Everything.

Suddenly:

The Fear Ice Cannon Freezes Microsoft Sam's house. and The League Of Carbon Fiber. and The Entire Dark Woods.

But before The Death Fear Ice Cannon can freeze all of the Ludus. The Death Fear Ice Cannon Explodes due to sabotage by Microsoft Sam's spies.

Fortunately Microsoft Sam got out before the entire location was frozen. Only to find some unfortunate news from Radar Overseer Scotty.

Radar Overseer Scotty; Prof. Debian has made a Super Death Fear Ice Cannon that can freeze the entire Sun. And It's going to fire at the Sun in an hour.

Microsoft Sam: Don't worry I already sent my spies to fix the Super Death Fear Ice Cannon.

One hour later:

The Super Death Fear Ice Cannon fires At the sun.

But before the Super Death Fear Ice Cannon can freeze the entire sun. It explodes due to sabotage by Microsoft Sam's spies.

Suddenly: Microsoft Anna appears with a message.

Microsoft Anna: Lord Linux Has Made A Ultra Death Fear Ice Cannon that can freeze the entire galaxy. And it's Going to fire at the galaxy in 15 minutes.

Microsoft Sam: Oh no I don't have anymore spies.

Radar Overseer Scotty: We need to find a spy quick.

The team of three go to the Adoption Center. To get Ecast to fix the Ultra Death Fear Ice Cannon.

Microsoft Mike: Ecast I need you to fix the Ultra Death Fear Ice Cannon quick.

I'll give you it's location in The Andromeda Galaxy. The closest galaxy to ours.

Ecast acquired the location of the Ultra Death Fear Ice Cannon.

Microsoft Sam: Also take this Plaid Button. It'll let you go at Plaid Speed. which is way faster than Ludicrous Speed.

Ecast Acquired the plaid button.

Microsoft Sam: Also we have only one minute left.

Ecast began going to the Ultra Death Fear Ice Cannon at Plaid Speed. And when She got to the Andromeda Galaxy. She fixed the Ultra Death Fear Ice Cannon. and She went back to SR World.

Ecast: I fixed the Ultra Death Fear Ice Cannon.

Microsoft Sam: Good Because we Only Have 3 Seconds left.

3 Seconds later:

The Ultra Death Fear Ice Cannon fires. But before it can freeze the entire Milky Way. It explodes due to sabotage by Ecast.

Microsoft Sam: Actually I Not Microsoft Sam I Samuel,

Microsoft Anna: Also I Not Microsoft Anna I Corona,

Radar Overseer Scotty: Again I not Radar Overseer Scotty I Ludicrine,

Samuel: I needed to give you the Plaid Button In order to make you be motivated to go faster. The speed was inside you all along.

... Um. Yeah. This sure was something. So, uh... I guess Ludicrine should just right something about Busts now? Seems about right.

### but nope

got to pantheon

DONG

HZ: \*turts around\*

HZ: NO YOU DUMB HOMO TOOL, YOUR PRAYING WRONG

SJ: gaia

A CLOSER INSPEPCTION revealed that, likely due to a lack of depth perception, his hands were not touching, meaning that he really was doing it WROG.

### HAPPY NEW(B) YEAR

Poisonshot: It's officially the year of the GSW. Hell ya.

Suddenly there is a massive horde of GSW's coming at Poisonshot!

RAM headbutted the GSW horde and protected POISONSHOT.

Poisonshot: Thanks! Who are you?

Busta: \*Does the ENTIRE SONG again, just for Poisonshot.\*

Poisonshot: Ah! Can I help!

Busta: Sure, ma' [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]. You can say "swag" when I pause inbetween rhymes.

### and suddenly a random battle

Zaion vs. Samuel!

Samuel used Tornado!

No damage was done to Zaion!

Samuel: Eheh, I wonder why that wind attack didn't do nothing, then?

Zaion: It's quite simply because of the fact that wind...

... blows,

LOL GET IT WIND BLOWS

THAT WAS THE JOKE GUYS

EDN

### and suddenly another random battle

Delinius returns, fully geared up. He looks around.

Delinius: Where is the famed Splinter of Sanford...

Sanford: So. Here you are again. Bastard. This time, you WILL die-

Delinius interrupts his words by firing an arrow into his leg.

Delinius: NOPE. You get that back for what you've done. Now then...

Sanford: DELINIUS HAS STABBED ME A-

Delinius then takes his axe and smashes him off the same cliff he was kicked off himself.

Delinius: DEAD YOU ARE DEAD THAT IS THE END OF THE SANFORD SPLINTER

Jast: NUUUUUUUUUUUOUOUOUOOUUOUOUOUOUOUUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUO

Mune: ouo

Strangely, nobody has noticed these things happening. Delinius buys a piece of fried Cravolca and leaves. Nobody apparently cared about it.

*... Hah.*

Splinter-Sanford survived and came back forever. Why, you ask? Because pumpkins. What do pumpkins have to do with it? The question you *should* be asking is "What DON'T pumpkins have to do with it?" That's right. Confused yet? I can only hope so. You may also be asking what the significance of bringing back Splinter-Sanford is at this point in the story. It's because so that things can also maybe happen at times that are later for reasons.

Delinius: But I-

The narrator suddenly cut Delinius off in whatever he was saying to end it because teh end close book.

Delinius: OH COME ON-

Nope. Splinter-Sanford's staying. Deal w/ it.

Delinius: WHY THE FLIPPING HELC??

Mostly to troll your character, I guess? I mean, it is a bit funny when that happens.

Delinius:

Ah, don't worry, he's probably not even going to show up anymore in later stories, we'll most likely never see him again.

Delinius: ... Oh, fine. Do keep in mind that I'll keep you to it, though.

Also, you know what, just for you, I'll say that he just tripped on something and fell on his face. 'Cause that'd be funny.

Sanford: OOF

Samuel: HEHA

Delinius: Lauwl

Lord Trollus: TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO

THE TRUE(?) END

### Is it ever really the true end, though?

???: I As The New Villain In This Story For Whatever Reason Shall Now Be Evil And Such

Caramel(?): What Shall We Do Then

???: Evil Things Of Course

Carniola(?): Shall We Send Pollandball Again

???: Sure Why Not

Charmeleon(?): Okay Then

And so...

Pollandball: BOUNCE

Revelian: ... What the fuck.

Pollandball: BOUNCE

Revelian: ... No, this thing definitely shouldn't exist. That is just so fucking unnatural.

Revelian slashes Pollandball with his sword, killing it. But suddenly, Pollandballs' remains changed into a truer form...

Trollandball: HAHAHAHAHAHA!! TRLOLO!!

Revelian: Wait, what?! That laugh, is that Lord fucking Trollus?!?!

Spamuel: YESH FINALLY HES BACK

Delinius: Insert the Trololol song.

Delinius then suddenly places some music boxes and plays the song.

Lord Trollus: TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOthegameLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO

Revelian then made Lord Trollus explode.

Delinius: But... what about him? What did he do wrong?

Revelian: A lot.

Revelian then kicks Delinius off the planet. He flies through space and crashes on Genoskaya because of things that make some kind of sense and all.

... Well, this story is pretty much dead, so let's call this the end of it.