Chapter 69: I Want To Believe

**I Want To Believe** is the sixty-ninth Chapter of *Boku no Kokoro no Yabai Yatsu*.

## Summary

Ichikawa is given an apron as he greets the audience, recapping how he is now at Yamada's Apartment to make chocolate with her and her friends. He tries to fashion the button of his apron, but Anna walks over to do it for him. Her mother glances over, curious, and she stops, not wanting to betray that they're close, so Moe swoops in to do it instead. She whispers in his ear that it can't be helped, and he considers how he'd be sent home if it wasn't this way, while Sanae continues watching, impressed at how close they seem. She asks her daughter to clarify that they're making Valentine's Chocolate, but she says it's just for fun. Moe starts giving orders, telling Ichikawa to do things, but Anna gets upset at how close she's acting. Sanae acts interested in Moe and Ichikawa's "relationship," and her daughter tells her to just leave them alone, which she does. Serina, realizing that their lies are causing problems, hits the table, and says that this isn't working, though Chi densely takes that to mean the way they are preparing the chocolate.

Ichikawa, not liking the atmosphere, leaves to do dishes, and Anna walks up beside him, asking him if he's having fun, with a bitter look on her face. Unsure of what to do, he goes to the bathroom to clear his head, concluding that he should probably just leave. Lucifer Nigorikawa manifests, hanging onto the ceiling, telling him that he shouldn't do that, and he needs to fix this situation. He proposes a future where he manages to go out with Yamada, and it causes problems because she will recognize him as Moe's boyfriend instead. Ichikawa doesn't even want to consider that as a possibility, saying he'll be the one that's hurt if he keeps his hopes up, and Nigorikawa dissipates.

Ichikawa attempts to escape, but is confronted by Sanae on his way to the door, who asks if he's going home. He apologizes for for the intrusion, and considers again the possibility that Nigorikawa brought up as Anna walks up behind her mother. He turns back around to face them, suddenly blurting out how him and Moe dating was a lie, and how they shouldn't have misled her. Before either of the Yamada women can react, he quickly dives outside, then collapses at the door, telling himself that he wants to believe in miracles and himself. Suddenly the door opens up behind him, and he is pushed away. He stands up as she apologizes, believing she has caused a misunderstanding. She brings up how this is the first time she's brought over a male friend, and how that surprised her. She asks if he could perhaps be Ichikawa, and he offers an awkward "yes," and she says she knew it. She tells how she remembered how Anna reacted talking to his mother during the parent-teacher conference, and how close she seemed based off their conversation. She begins again, saying that she's said other things about him, but Anna suddenly busts through the doorway, telling her mother to go back inside, and shoving her along. Ichikawa begins walking off, but Anna grabs him by the sleeve, asking him to stay. He considers it, and she does her signature shoulder-tackle, asking him why he didn't immediately deny Moe's lie. He rationalizes it, saying that if he denied it right away, he might have had to go home, and then she would have had to have made another lie just like the last time he came over. He says that it's been bugging him ever since, and that he wants to meet her parents properly, shocked with himself at saying such a "creepy" line. He concludes that going home like this would be a problem, so he decides to go back inside, telling himself that power to believe in possibilities is still inside of him.

Inside, Anna takes his coat, and they begin walking back towards the other girls, but a new figure is now standing over the table. Anna's father is looking at the bowl of chocolate mix, saying that it's "no good," while the other girls, intimidated by his stature and bluntness, cower around him. He looks to Ichikawa and his daughter, repeating that it's "no good," and advances towards them.