Mini Mario

> "ur not dk. y wud i shoot? lol. dk stole us. every1 xept me. i tried shooting him but hes gone. ill take revenge on him and u can help me catch him."
>
>

> -me, kek [1]
>
>

## Physical description

### Eye color

black

**Mini Marios** are some of the many popular collectible items manufactured by the Mario Toy Company. Children and adults alike within the Mushroom Kingdom adore the toy's simplistic design in the look of the world-famous celebrity, Mario, which has granted Mario a fortune.

## lol historyz

As portrayed in an educational documentary, *Mario vs. Donkey Kong*, intense demand for the toy has caused a production shortage, on top of Mario's many other responsibilities of being a hero, and it lead to stores selling out of the toys.

Shown in the documentary, Donkey Kong is one of the characters that wanted to buy the toys, but after repeated failures of acquiring the toys, has resorted to theft. It is known through *Mario vs. Donkey Kong* that Mario has prevailed, though there is lingering bitterness and entitlement in Donkey Kong. Something happened to his state of being after this, which is left unexplained, and during the Car Wash arc, Donkey Kong has absorbed plenty of power to eventually steal a hoard of toys and establish one of his many fetid lairs throughout the Mushroom Kingdom, called Donkey Land.

The power is suspected to have leaked a bit and has granted unexpected sentience to a Mini Mario toy that Donkey Kong has failed to steal. It is unknown what exactly has happened to its inner mechanisms, but it requires no batteries or windup mechanisms to operate, and it can speak, in an advanced dialect since no one else really understands what it is saying, beyond the six programmed catchphrases.

The Mini Marios are suspected of running a site called www.dksucks.com.

## epic fetures ftw

Mini Marios, when not fully loaded with ammo, have detachable parts, but they are overall durable and can withstand fire, an overenthusiastic 800 lb ape, an explosion from an oversized human heart, and even bullets from all 15 rounds per magazine from a Glock-22. They run on AA batteries but can move on their own through wind-up technology, and they have six catchphrases, three currently documented:

* *Hello! It's-a me, Mini Mario!*
* *I want the chocolate!*
* *I love-a you!*

Mini Marios can also laugh when prompted, generally voice activated from a nearby cackling overweight Italian plumber.

When activated by smelly Donkey Land stench, Mini Marios are capable of advanced speech that surpasses every known toy and even stumps the most seasoned linguists. Mini Marios, however, become a safety hazard that violates toy manufacturing law that the CEO of Mario Toy Company has still yet to address, as they apparently possess an oversized M134 Minigun, a flamethrower, a blowtorch, and even a chainsaw, which is impossible since they cannot fit inside a Mini Mario toy. Mini Mario can activate this weapon by retracting one of its hands inside and then pulling out a weapon, but it is also capable of firing rounds from any weapons it finds, even though it lacks fingers.

Mini Mario, since its buddies were kidnapped, is firmly opposed to anything Donkey Kong and will relentlessly try to, to put it in its words, "leeory jenkins gank pwn teh ape scrub even w/ aimbot". Its run speed, however, is limited to the usual wound-up type, owing to it still being a toy, so it takes a while to reach its destination. Since real life lacks a HUD, its navigation is not the best, so it tends to wander aimlessly and is likely doing this as the Car Wash plot rolls. If it strays too far away from Donkey Land, it can deactivate and become a regular Mini Mario again.

When Mini Mario is not busy pursuing Donkey Kong, in a popular forum for Mushroom Kingdomers, it is suspected running an account called "Golden Toenail Clipping" where it impersonates Donkey Kong (who has an account called "Golden Banana"). As Donkey Kong is generally despised in the forums, this account is pretty much allowed.

## teh spinoffz

The runaway popularity of the toys has prompted several spin-off toys. Only one, Mini Luigi, has been documented to show sentience after the infamous Mario Toy Company heist.

* Mini Luigi
* Mini DK
* Mini Toad
* Mini Pauline
* Mini Peach
* Mini Yoshi
* Mini Bowser
* Mini Bowser Jr.
* Mini Rosalina
* Mini Diddy Kong
* Mini Speck

## mini mario has entered chat

* "*my weapons r gone lol. didnt u c it went inside? rofl. i have weapons 2 try 2 stop dk but he just took us all. bruh.*"
* "*wtf man ive bein throgu all this dump tyrgnig to sotp teh ape and this is what i get?? lol. look man the poliec just left me algone 2 do my own thignsz and nao im gnna say tha t th ape has infestd the poliec's home and no 1 is hear but lol ok wreck me w/ noscope*"
* "*yes dummmie out all surpizing thigns thats happengin yes i do talk lol but thats nto teh point. this place = pwned. a giant ape haz stolen all my frendz and nao hes infested places*"
* "*u mad?*"
* "*ur not dk. wtf r u? dk dosnt have guns lol*"
* "*okay shroomer*"
* "*gg 4 us i think. press f.*"
* "*Can u plz give me the award 4 the forums dummest user I totally deserv that*" (suspected Mini Mario account impersonating Donkey Kong on a forum)
* "*Mybe we overdid it w/ the mini bazuka we assembled w/ ourselfs bt it idd the trick so yeah*" (suspected Mini Mario account on a forum)
* "*Violance aso pbbly made [Donkey Kong] “nrmal” again so ur solution to “lets works thigns out” didnt work*" (suspected Mini Mario account on a forum)
* "*Hai guyz we're [Donkey Kong's friends] yeah we've got a site lol but now weve made an even bettah site called dksucks.com it haz all da best info about the greatest user of all time. we re just [Donkey Kong's] staff not [Donkey Kong] hhimself cuz we figgurrrd that [Donkey Kong] is already I/n dis site hai [Donkey Kong] ya know us right? we're ur staff and we finally made an account here so now this site will now be a better place

~[DK] Sucks Staff*" (suspected Mini Mario team account mocking Donkey Kong's account)