Chapter 8: One Girl Among the Guys

NOZOMU NOZOMI

ONE GIRL AMONG THE GUYS

CHAPTER 8 OF THE MANGA

Tao is with all the others at a Training Camp, specifically for the baseball team to improve its weak performance of late. It is the evening of the first of three days of training. The adults have gone off by themselves to drink the evening away. The boys are in a room looking at an adult DVD video. Tao, for their part, was offended at seeing that the boys were going to watch the soft-core video, and excused themselves from the room. Tao's reconfiguring mind, now with a strong feminine aura influencing their thoughts and actions, tells them to go take a bath in the spa pool, since probably nobody will be there at this time of the evening. This they do.

Soon, Tao is undressed and sitting in the wash area. They lather up and scrub their body prior to entering the spa's warm springs pool. Tao thinks to themselves that thank goodness no one is here. Since they began transforming into a girl, Tao has had to be so, so careful in using the toilets, as well as bathing. This so that no one would come to find out that 'he' is coming to have the beautiful body of an attractive teenage girl. They would hate the thought of someone finding out, only for that person to tease and criticize Tao over something that they had little or no control over. Destiny turning Tao into a girl, indeed ! Tao takes note in their mind, that it is becoming less and less that they would agonize or fret over the remote possibility of them turning back into a boy. The slow progress of seeing their body become more and more feminine, argues against the radical idea that they will suddenly, 'at the drop of a hat', detransition back to being a male, like overnight or something like that. No matter how much they try mentally, or how much they try to purge their heart of it's manifested desires, relates Tao, there is no avoiding reality, or no way to reverse one's true identity or destiny.

Really, is it even possible to go back to being a male ? What with the physical changes that they can actually see happening to their body, is changing back even a valid thought or hope ? Why, even dressing as a male baseball player, or dressed at school in the school's male uniform, several of the boys have commented to Tao recently that they seem so much more feminine and delicate these days. How do they know ? What is tipping them off ? If this one way march to girlhood continues, what will I do ? If my 'boy bits' never come back, what will I do ? (Tao steps under the shower head to rinse the soap lather off of themselves.) Later in the school year, there is a school sponsored field trip scheduled. What will I do then  ? Run away and hide ? Pretend to be sick ? Tell Mom and Dad, only to be kicked out of the house ? Continue to masquerade as a boy, only to be found out that it is one girl, namely me, in with a bunch of rowdy, degenerate boys ? On the field trip, it will be much harder to take a bath than it is now. No doubt. What then ?

Continuing with their worrisome thoughts, as the warm water rinses off Tao, they think of the tremendous emotional impact that could be happening to themselves. With a girl's mind, heart, and body, even if I would do a Love Confession to Ide-san, something that has crossed my mind several times, each time stronger than the last, I could never be with her romantically. Is it even possible for two girls to become romantically involved with one another, holding hands, kissing, and the like ? People would say that we would be a Yuri couple ? How would that go down ? Outside of that, I have now become good enough to be designated a 'starter' player on the baseball team. Yet, I feel like I am slowly losing my strength, both on and off the baseball diamond, regardless of how hard I train. So if I don't go back to being a boy, how will I be able to stay on the team ? Even though I'm like this (transforming into a female), and even though I have come to really like wearing girl's clothes and presenting as a girl, I was originally born a boy. Does that even make any difference anymore .......? I HAVE TO TURN BACK !!! But as a matter of fact, lately I can sense that even my mind, and my own free will of reminiscing how I used to be a boy, is changing. I'm not fully a boy, but not fully a girl. I am a hybrid of some sort. Half boy and half girl. What do they call that ? I don't remember. (Bigender\*) However, I can't let myself forget who I really am .......yeah, but who would that be ?

Tao takes the towel from the rack, and throwing it in across his arm, heads to the spa pool. Unexpectedly, a greeting comes from the pool---

**"Hey, Nozo...."**

Horror of horrors, someone is already in the pool ! Tao sees a figure already in the water, leaning on the edge of the pool. They have already turned to look at Tao. It is Kouji-sempai, of all people. A bolt of terror strikes Tao, and thunders all through their female body. In a flash, Tao pulls the towel on his arm, and slaps it onto their chest, and then wraps it around themselves, tucking it just like what a girl would do. "Sem...Sempai.....", blurts out Tao. Did he see ? See what ? What is he going to do ? Kouji-sempai only bursts out laughing. He says that with that towel wrapped around yourself, you certainly look so like a girl, Tao ! I guess you are at that age, Tao, that you are embarrassed about anything to do with your body's appearance. But, damn, you look so outrageously cute right now, just like a tween girl, NO, a tween Loli, going to soak in the girl's section of a bathhouse to become all the more attractive and sexy ! You even walk like a girl ! Tao walks around the perimeter of the pool, and gets in on the opposite side of where Kouji is, just as Kouji was getting out. Tao now only has their head above the water. A question keeps assaulting their mind; did Kouji see, or not see, that they are physically a girl now ? Nevertheless, Kouji kept referring to the fact that I look like, and act like a girl. Why is my heart beating so fast. Why am I tingly all over ? Why is my heart crying out in joyful recognition and acknowledgement of his comments ?

Later, after the relaxation in the pool, Tao dresses in their PJ's, and heads back to the room where all the boys are. Thankfully, the TV was turned off, meaning that the boys were done with the undesirable, unwanted DVD. Tao sits down amid the boys. Not ten seconds later, Yasu yells out how Tao is sitting just like how a girl would sit ! Tao is exasperated, but says nothing. **A girl among the boys**. What can Tao say, anyway ?

(End Chapter 8)

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Click on Chapter 11: Valentines Day to be taken to the next chapter.

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Commentary and Opinion

**(\*) Bigender**

**Bigender** (also **bi-gender** or **dual gender**) people have two gender identities and behaviors. Identifying as bigender is typically understood to mean that one identifies as both male and female or *moves between masculine gender expression and feminine gender expression, having two distinct gender identities simultaneously or fluctuating between them.* This is different from identifying as genderfluid, as those who identify as genderfluid may not go back and forth between any fixed gender identities and may experience an entire range or spectrum of identities over time. The American Psychological Association describes the bigender identity as part of the umbrella of transgender identities. Some bigender individuals express two distinct personas, which may be feminine, masculine, agender, androgyne, or other gender identities; others find that they identify as two genders simultaneously.