Abracadabra!

**Abracadabra!** is episode 83a of Edward and Eric. It premiered on Kids' WB on February 9, 2002.

## Synopsis

After getting laughed at by the students, Constantinos lies to them by telling them he's related to a famous magician. Unfortunately, when it turns the magician in question will be visiting Lakeside City, Constantinos finds it difficult to keep the lie going - at least until he teams up with Abracadabra's rabbit sidekick, Buster, to fool the students.

## Cast

* Gary Sauls as Constantinos
* Wayne Grayson as Joey
* Andrew Rannells as Edward
* Josh Peck as Eric
* Eric Stuart as Terry and Barry
* Daniel Brochu as Buster
* David Copperfield as Abracadabra
* Dan Green as Ethan
* Kyle Phillips as Wayne

## Trivia

* Although this episode premiered in 2002, it was produced in 2001 according to the copyright date at the end of the credits.
* Constantinos' interest in magic from both From Zero to Hero and Babysitting returns in this episode.
* Buster is an obvious reference to Buster Baxter from the iconic PBS Kids cartoon, *Arthur*, to where they share the same voice actor.
	+ When Buster talks to Constantinos after hearing him cry hysterically, he references the *Arthur* theme song.
	+ This wouldn't be the first time Daniel Brochu voiced a parody of Buster on E&E.
* This episode is available to watch on the Student of the Week DVD and the Season 4 Volume 2 box set.

## Transcript

(Outside of the school's post office, there is a long line of impatient students incoherently complaining)

**Edward:** COME ON, CONSTANTINOS! (knocks on the door) COULD YOU OPEN UP SO WE COULD GET OUR MAIL, *PLEASE*?!

(Inside, Constantinos is wearing a top hat and cape, and he's holding a sheet of flash paper)

**Constantinos:** Alright already! I'm doing a little paperwork here. (takes out a wand) Alla-kaza, alla-kazoo! Alla-kazing, paper go poof!

(Upon pointing the wand at the paper, the paper poofs away)

**Constantinos:** Ta-da!

**Joey:** (from the outside) COME ON! WE KNOW YOU'RE PRACTICING YOUR LAME MAGIC TRICKS IN THERE! OPEN UP!

**Constantinos:** (to a framed photo of a magician's silhouette) Oh, Abracadabra. I'm sure you can relate to the secluded life of a magician.

(Everybody knocks on the door, and Constantinos walks towards it)

**Constantinos:** Ok, ok, just give me a little-

(Upon opening it, all of the students immediately rush in, running him over)

(Constantinos groans in pain)

**Joey:** Hey Noodle Arms, what were you doing in there? Making your inbox disappear? 'Cause your mail was empty! (laughs)

**Constantinos:** (stands back up, with stars circling his head) Empty?

(He looks inside his mailbox)

**Constantinos:** Hello?

(Joey pushes him aside)

**Joey:** It's so dark and meaningless in here. Wait a minute, I see something! It's *waaaaayyy* in the back!

(Joey reaches his hand inside and takes it out; his hand is now a clenched fist)

**Joey:** Look alive, students! I got...I got...I got...

(He opens his fist, revealing...)

**Joey:** NOTHING!

(Everybody bursts into laughter)

**Carver:** What's the matter, Constantinos? Don't you have any friends, or did they decide you were enough?

**Eric:** (oblivious to what's going on) Hey Constantinos, can I use your mailbox? I mean, I have a lot of friends, while you don't.

**Constantinos:** Excuse me - I COULD have friends! It's just that us magicians need personal space.

**Joey:** Constantinos boy, there's a clear difference between you and your ever-so famous idol, Abracadabra. He's popular, so he has friends. And you know what his friends have that you don't?

**Constantinos:** What, self-esteem?

**Joey:** Close, but they're NOT WORTHLESS REJECTS LIKE YOU!!!! (laughs)

(The rest of the students leave)

**Wayne:** Abracadabra is famous!

**Barry:** Why don't you make some friends magically appear?

**Eric:** (in the background) I wanna be Abracadabra's friend.

(Beat)

(Constantinos narrows his eyelids)

(That night, he is back in the post office)

**Constantinos:** Oh, I'll show them.

(He removes the photo of Abracadabra's silhouette from the wall, and he breaks the glass apart with a hammer. He puts the photo onto a table to write something down)

**Constantinos:** (writing the following with a yellow marker) "To my nephew, Constantinos Gargano. -Abracadabra the Amazing".

(He puts it into an envelope and licks the envelope)

**Constantinos:** BLEGH!

(Camera transitions to the next morning. The students are checking their mailboxes, and Constantinos approaches Joey)

**Constantinos:** Oh, Joey! Would you like to check my mailbox again?

**Joey:** What for? I can see Wyoming in there.

**Constantinos:** Ya know, to humiliate me again.

**Joey:** (smiles and rushes over to Constantinos' inbox) Sure, I would LOVE to!

(Suddenly, he notices an envelope in there)

**Joey:** What the heck? An envelope addressed to Constantinos?! (hands it back to him) I bet this is junk mail.

**Edward:** Where's it from, Constantinos?

**Constantinos:** It's from Hocus Pocus, New Jersey! (gives him the envelope) Here, you can read it, Edward!

**Edward:** (rips it open, revealing the "signed" photo) "To my nephew, Constantinos Gargano. -Abracadabra the Amazing". (gasps) Do you mean Abracadabra himself is related to you?

**Constantinos:** It's no biggie - he's my distant uncle, so he signs stuff to me all the time! I've got an entire stack of 'em!

**Edward:** So, you know Abracadabra?

**Constantinos:** Your ears aren't deceiving ya!

**Edward:** (squints in doubt) That, is,

(Beat)

**Edward:** (grins) AMAZING!

**Joey:** Give me that! (takes a look at the photo) Something's not kosher here.

**Constantinos:** Oh, it's kosher alright! You must be jealous you didn't get a signed photo from him!

(Everybody laughs at Joey)

**Constantinos:** Believe it, Joey! Abracadabra is my uncle, and I'm his nephew. We share blood.

**Joey:** (leaves, raising an eyebrow) I'm gonna need more evidence than a lousy signature.

(The next afternoon, Joey is seen walking out of the boys' dorm, passing through multiple students, all of whom have magical items. Edward is holding a top hat [which a bunny emerges from], a nauseated Eric is performing the balloon swallow trick, and Terry is trying to saw Barry off of him)

**Joey:** Oh brother. Gee, twenty-four hours have passed, yet stupidity is still rotating with the planet.

(He steps up to the post office)

**Constantinos:** Generous of you to stop by on your lunch break, Joey! It seems you've got mail.

(Camera immediately cuts to a letter in Joey's mailbox)

**Constantinos:** (shivering in anticipation) Who's it from?

**Joey:** "Abracadabra the Amazing". Yeah right.

**Constantinos:** Read it!

**Joey:** "Dear Joey Maldanado, Constantinos tells me you don't believe I'm his uncle. Believe it, bub!"

**Constantinos:** Signed...?

**Joey:** "Abracadabra the Amazing". Say, how the heck do I know that this is really from-

(Suddenly, the letter poofs away. Joey's eyes widen)

(He excitedly screeches)

**Joey:** ***ABRACADABRA THE AMAZING SENT ME A LETTER!!!!!!!*** (hops out of the post office) ABRACADABRA WROTE TO ME! ABRACADABRA WROTE TO ME!

**Constantinos:** That's right, Joey. And you never thought I got any mail.

(At that moment, everybody else barges into the post office, holding flyers)

**Eric:** Constantinos! Constantinos! Why didn't you tell us?!

**Constantinos:** (confused) Didn't tell you guys what?

**Eric:** That Abracadabra is coming to visit Lakeside City! You're such a card!

(Constantinos' pupils shrink in fear)

**Constantinos:** A-A-Abracadabra is coming to Lakeside City?!

(Sweat drenches down his body)

**Eric:** Of course! These flyers that conveniently flew into the school at perfect timing say so! (shows him one)

**Constantinos:** (reads it) "Abracadabra the Amazing and his rabbit sidekick, Buster, performing for one night only"?!

**Edward:** You were gonna surprise us, weren't you?

**Eric:** Surely Abracadabra wanted to pay a visit to his nephew! (chuckles)

(The students, except Edward and Joey, lift Constantinos in the air)

**All:** King of the school! King of the school! (they run out) King of the school!

**Joey:** (hops out again) ABRACADABRA'S COMING TO LAKESIDE CITY! ABRACADABRA'S COMING TO LAKESIDE CITY!

(Edward sighs in content)

**Edward:** Constantinos really is something else. I'm proud of him.

(He goes to leave with the rest, but then he notices something on the ground)

**Edward:** Hey, Constantinos dropped his mail.

(He picks up a few fallen envelopes)

**Edward:** That's funny. None of these letters from Abracadabra have postmarks on them. Huh.

(Later that night, Constantinos is in his dorm room, crying loudly)

**Constantinos:** WHAT AM I GONNA DO?!

(He picks his head up, with the flyer on his forehead)

**Constantinos:** (removes it) Abracadabra in Lakeside City? What are the odds of THAT happening?!

(Camera transitions to Obnoxious Music Hall, where people are waiting to get in)

(Constantinos is behind the building, wearing his top hat and cape from the beginning of the episode)

**Constantinos:** (approaches a door that has "NO ADMITTANCE" on it) Here goes nothing.

(He prepares to knock, but then he stops)

**Constantinos:** Wait a minute, I can't just ask him to come to the school with me! (gets an idea) Wait, I'll show all of those letters he wrote to me - his own nephew!

(Then, he facepalms)

**Constantinos:** *I* wrote those letters! (sighs and blows his nose into his flash paper)

(Suddenly, this gives him yet another idea)

**Constantinos:** My flash paper! (holds it up, causing snot to drip down) Why, I'll impress Abracadabra with my pyrokinetic skills so much that he'll be bound to come to the school with me! (knocks on the door)

**???:** WHAT?! WHAT?! WHO IN THE HOUDINI IS IT?!

**Constantinos:** (sweats and shivers) Uhhh...C-Constantinos G-G-Gargano...I-I-I-I'm a huge fan o-of Abracadabra, and-

**???:** Oh yeah? So whaddya want?!

**Constantinos:** W-w-well, I came to perform a trick for him, so that maybe he c-c-c-could-

(The door opens, revealing a small rabbit with a cigarette near his left ear. He coughs)

**Buster:** Come back with ya to perform for your friends, huh? What is it with you kids asking that all the time?!

**Constantinos:** Buster? Abracadabra's own sidekick? Is that really you? I can't believe it! You look a lot shorter than I-

**Buster:** ALRIGHT, PUNK! LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT!!!!

**Constantinos:** Y-y-you mean, right n-n-n-no-

**Buster:** ***I HAVEN'T GOT ALL NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***

**Constantinos:** (nervously chuckles) Uhh, an ordinary piece of paper, a-a-a-and...alla-kazing!

(He points to the flash paper, but it only causes more snot to drip down)

(Beat)

**Buster:** Uh-huh. *Very* talented. ABRACADABRA DOESN'T DO SPECIAL SHOWS FOR ***ANYONE!!!!!!!!*** (slams the door shut)

(Another beat)

(Camera immediately cuts to a black screen, with white text that reads "On behalf of Warner Bros., the handsome gentlemen at Chatterbox Productions had no choice but to edit this scene out due to the graphic nature of Constantinos' heartbreak." as Constantinos is heard sobbing heavily)

**Constantinos:** (blows his nose into his cape, which makes birds and cards fly out) I'M DOOMED!!!!

(Buster kicks the door open)

**Buster:** Ok, ok, sheesh! I can't stand to hear a little girl cry.

**Constantinos:** (sniffles) I-I'm a boy.

**Buster:** I know how you feel, little girl. Everyday when I'm walking down the street, everybody that I meet is a huge jerk. And I say "hey! Hey! Workin' for a magician ain't easy!".

(Constantinos sniffles again)

**Buster:** Look, what I'm trying to say is, impressing Your Highness in there ain't easy. And I should know. He ain't so magical, little girl.

**Constantinos:** Boy.

**Buster:** I could pull off a magic act for your friends better than him! (gets an idea) Yeah! I could pull off some tricks to amuse your friends and tell them I'M Abracadabra! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE COME UP TO ME EACH DAY AND TELL ME I'M A SPINNING IMAGE OF THE MAN?!

**Constantinos:** (uneasy) Uhh, well...I suppose we could pull this off. But, um, my mom always said I'm set for failure, so we might-

**Buster:** Of course we can pull this off! (hops away) Come on, little girl! We've got a magic show to do!

**Constantinos:** Um, I'm a boy.

(Camera transitions to the school's auditorium, which is crowded. Joey is onstage)

**Joey:** Feast your eyes, everybody, for the moment we've all been waiting for! (tears up in happiness) The moment, (sniffles) *I*, have been waiting for!

(He walks down to take a seat)

**Joey:** HERE HE IS! THE AMAZING ABRACADABRA!

(The audience cheers as the curtain is uncovered, revealing Buster)

**Buster:** Tally-ha! Good evening, and welcome! Thank you for coming, loyal fans!

(The cheering slowly and awkwardly dies down as everybody gets confused)

**Buster:** Music, maestro!

(An anxious Constantinos inserts a record into a recorder)

**Buster:** For my first trick of tonight, it's the mind-boggler to have spanned across generations - the Chinese linking rings! (takes out a set of them)

(The crowd is in surprise)

**Buster:** (tosses the rings into the air) Observe! Five separate rings. And...

(The rings fall to the ground, and they dent as a result. Buster grabs two rings that are barely connected)

**Buster:** They're connected.

(Beat)

**Buster:** Kinda. (clears his throat) Ta-da!

(Crickets chirping)

**Joey:** (sadly) A-Abracadabra...?

**Buster:** I said ta-DA!!!!

(Everybody applauds)

**Buster:** (speaking as Constantinos is seen sweating nervously) Ok, now hold onto your seats, because this one is a scream!

(The camera focuses back on Buster as he takes out a wooden box)

**Buster:** For my next act, I shall saw a volunteer in half! May I have a volunteer, please?

**Ethan:** (raising his hand) Pick me! Pick me!

**Buster:** Yeah, you there.

(Everybody cheers for Ethan as he walks up onstage)

**Ethan:** Thank you! Thank you! (goes into the box)

**Buster:** Observe - an ordinary box.

(He takes out a saw that's ten times his size)

**Buster:** And a completely ordinary saw! And...

(He saws the box in half. Ethan screams in agony)

**Buster:** Ta-da!

(Ethan is now cut into half. He walks back to his seat)

**Buster:** I SAID TA-DA!

**Ethan:** I don't think that's Abracadabra.

(The crowd constantly complains in the background. Buster becomes furious)

**Buster:** FINE! YOU DON'T THINK THAT'S MAGICAL?! WELL, I'LL GIVE YOU MAGIC!

(He takes out a flash paper)

**Buster:** OBSERVE! AN ORDINARY PIECE OF PAPER! ALLA-KAZING! (points a wand at it)

(The paper only droops down as a fart noise plays)

(Joey's jaw drops to the ground, and he becomes angry)

**Joey:** (his face turns blood red) You're not Abracadabra!

**Buster:** (crosses his arms) Abracadabra, Abracadabra, ABRACADABRA! WHAT IS SO GREAT ABOUT ABRACADABRA?!

**Joey:** (stands up and points at him) THAT'S BUSTER!

(Everybody is shocked, and they complain in the background. Constantinos' jaw is on the ground)

**Buster:** (rapidly shakes his hand) Thanks for the laughs, kid! Enjoy the gigs on Broadway! (takes off)

(The students approach him)

**Terry:** Constantinos, what are you trying to pull?

(Everybody else complains)

**Joey:** You know what *I* think?! I think that Constantinos doesn't even KNOW Abracadabra!

**Everyone:** WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTT?!

(Joey grabs Constantinos by the front collar and reels his fist back, preparing to punch him)

**Constantinos:** (nervously chuckles) Now now, now wait a minute! W-w-wait just a-

(Suddenly, a limo is heard honking its horn outside. They exit the school to see where it came from)

**???:** (rolls down the window) Ah, my dear nephew, Constantinos. It's been a long time, hasn't it?

**Constantinos:** (they shake hands) A-A-Abracadabra?

**Abracadabra:** I just finished my show in town and thought I'd drop by. Aren't you gonna introduce me to your friends?

**Everyone:** (in amazement) Hi, Abracadabra.

**Abracadabra:** Well, Constantinos, my nephew, I must be leaving now, but before I do, I want you to know, little girl, that inside, (waves his wand) we're all magic!

(A poof cloud appears. Constantinos is now wearing a dress and holding an umbrella. He is in awe over Abracadabra)

**Joey:** Wow, Constantinos! Abracadabra really *is* your uncle!

**Abracadabra:** (rolls up the window) Driver, to the airport.

**Eric:** (revealed to be the chauffer) Alla-kazing, sir! (raises his eyebrows and drives off)

(Iris out)

("The End" screen)

(Episode ends)