The Funky Fart File

This is a book of hilarious farts with names, descriptions and knee-slapping sound effects; it's a Class of 3000 officially-licensed novelty book by Hi-Tops Publishing that doesn't belong to any line because it is a "special collectors' limited edition." Only 3000 were produced.

## How to Use

Punch in a 2-digit code and then push the "enter" button to hear your favourite schoolkids' delightfully funnybone tickling, scentless farts!

## Preface

* Dear Adoring Fan,
* We all "break the wind" once in a while, but it's not nice in crowds of publicity;
* However, onstage at the Westley Auditorium,
* all of our farts are AOK, especially if they end with one of us uttering, "Pardon me!"
* or even a kooky remark (e.g. "My butt's gotta be muted now!").
* We hope that you enjoy this incredibly informative guide to vapors!
* From your schoolfriends,
* Eddie Lawrence, Wind-Breaker Extraordinaire, Phil the Farter, Madison the Vegan Farter, Kim the Klown, World's Cutest Tooter and Kam the Klown, Super-Duper Tooter
* P.S. There are notes from the Hi-Tops Publishing Team on whose toots are our incredibly silly favourites!
* PPS "Vapors" means "farts."

## The Farts

* 01-The Inquisitive Inquiry-A squeaky fart that goes up like someone asking.
* 02-The Undead Groan-A thunderous toot that moans like an eerie zombie!
* 03-The Butt Balloon Deflation-This loud and long fart makes your butt cheeks flutter!
* 04-The Big Wet One-A long, loud and juicy fart often unleashed in elevators
* 05-The Fruity Foghorn-A long fart that imitates a foghorn, starting out rather low and then going deeper.
* 06-The Choo, Choo!-This is a pair of super loud farts that imitate a train whistle!
* 07-The Wet Thing-This fart stains your pants, leaving your underwear wet and sticky.
* 08-The Standard Relief-This is a really common, but short and puffy fart that escapes from your butt after you've had a huge feast.
* 09-The Canadian Goose-This loud fart goes from low to high instantly, just like the honk of a Canadian goose!
* 10-The Swine Snort-This is a sweet, short fart that imitates a piglet's oink; the great news is that it's just the right volume: not too loud!
* 11-The Corn Popper-This fart mimics the noise that popping popcorn makes.
* 12-Little Ms. Gasser-This is a cute and sassy fart caused by eating too many broccoli florets. (Note: Madison-approved, y'all!)
* 13-Little Mr. Gasser-This is a sneaky fart caused by eating too many onions. (Note: Madison-approved, y'all!)
* 14-The Luxury Cruise Horn-The most luxurious fart ever because it imitates a cruise ship's horn blowing. (Note: This is ELWBE's fave noise!)
* 15-The Whoopee Whopper-This is a really loud fart that imitates the noise of a whoopee cushion.
* 16-The Butt Buzz-This fart imitates the noise that electricity makes when it's buzzing. (Note: Philly-approved!)
* 17-The Rusty Gate-This fart imitates the creaky noise of a squeaky gate that needs oil!
* 18-The Supersonic Squeaker-This high fart is slowly released after you eat a chestnut.
* 19-The Super Squeezer-This fart is slowly released in jeans. (Note: Kam-approved!)
* 20-The Trumpeter Toot-A brassy bunch of tuneful toots! (Note: Liked by ELWBE!)
* 21-The Motorboat-A string of short putts that imitate a motorboat chugging. (Note: Liked by ELWBE!)
* 22-The Softie-A sweet, quiet and airy fart. (Note: Kim-approved!)
* 23-The Butt Bomb-A really loud explosion from your own butt cheeks!
* 24-The Croaker-A fart that imitates the noise that a bullfrog makes.
* 25-The Butt Sigh-A long, drawn out fart that imitates a sad sigh.
* 26-The Hairspray Hisser-A gentle hiss from the rear end that imitates hairspray being sprayed from its can. (Note: Kim-approved!)
* 27-The Dress Flutter-This is the aftermath of cheesy snacks; it's a loud fart blown with such great force that your dress flutters, just like a butterfly in flight! (Note: Kim-approved!)
* 28-The Uh Oh!-This two tone fart sounds just like your butt is saying, "Uh oh!"
* 29-The Supersonic Boomer-A ridiculously loud fart imitating the noise of a whoopie cushion being squeezed in an elevator.
* 30-The Crop Dust-This fart imitates the noise of a low flying aircraft called a crop duster.
* 31-The Soloist-This fart imitates a fiddler's bow being drawn across violin strings. (Note: This is MTVF-approved!)
* 32-The Butt Burp-This is a long, wet and super squelchy fart that imitates a great, big burp from a pop drinker; it leaves you with a funny sensation! (Note: This is MTVF-approved!)
* 33-The Breeze Shooter-An airy, dry and windy fart reminiscent of hot wind.
* 34-The Windbreaker-A breezy fart reminiscent of a gentle gust. (Note: Kim-approved!)
* 35-The Explosion-A very loud fart that comes from someone bending over, especially to pick up something; it splits your pants open, revealing your underwear and it goes, "FRUPPPPPPPPP!" (Note: Kam-approved!)
* 36-The Backdoor Dingaling-A fart that imitates windchimes. (Note: Kim-approved!)
* 37-The Quickie Splitter-A fart that is short and to the point.
* 38-The Powerpopper-A short and really loud fart that imitates a balloon popping.
* 39-The Butt Bugle-This fart imitates a bugle note. (Note: Loved by ELWBE!)
* 40-The Butt Puff-This fart cutely "pokes the wind" with a short, sweet pop.
* 41-The Jackhammer-This fart imitates the "ricky ticky ting, rat tat tat" of a jobsite's jackhammer.
* 42-The Destroyer-This ultra loud fart causes paint and wallpaper to peel away!
* 43-The Butt Scream-This uber loud fart imitates a kid screaming as he or she drops on a rollercoaster. (note: Philly-approved!)
* 44-The Ripper Zipper-This fart imitates a zipper being pulled. (Note: Kam-approved!)
* 45-The Rock Star-This fart imitates an electric guitar's power chord.
* 46-The Fakemouth-A fart that imitates a fake fart done with your mouth; it goes, "Bt!"
* 47-The 8VA-A fart that's an octave higher than usual.
* 48-The Aftershocker-A fart first done really loudly, then really quietly.
* 49-The Shovelling Pail-A fart that imitates a toddler digging in wet sand with a shovel and pail at the beach as he or she begins to build a little sandcastle.
* 50-The Boxcar-A fart that imitates a passenger train's caboose.
* 51-The Howler-A fart that is really long and really loud!
* 52-Rollin' Thunder-A butt cheek fluttering fart that rumbles really loudly.
* 52-The Butt Bumbler-This fart imitates a buzzing bee.
* 53-The Kazooist-A fart that imitates a kazoo humming.
* 54-Butt Brass-A toot imitating a tuba, followed by a fart imitating a slide trombone and then a fart imitating a saxophone. (Note: Eddie Lawrence/disapproved!)
* 55-The Zephyr-This gently breezes out as NOCO2HCH4 wafts out of your butt. (Note: Kam-approved!)
* 56-The Hammer Slammer-This fart imitates a judge's gavel banging. (Note: This is Tamika-disapproved!)
* 57-Mighty Lightning-This one rumbles just like a stormy day; it's really noisy, too!
* 58-Galeforce-This long and loud fart has the most powerful gust of NOCO2HCH4 ever! (Note: Kam-approved!)
* 59-The Cabbage Crumbler-This fart, which is also the aftermath of red cabbage, imitates the noise of paper crumpling.
* 60-The Atomic Pop-This is short, but incredibly noisy-AND it imitates a birthday party balloon popping!
* 61-Butt Bubblewrap-This string of short farts imitates the noise of popping bubblewrap.
* 62-The Rear End Revver-This fart imitates a tough guy's motorbike revving up!
* 63-The 15MA-This fart is 2 octaves higher than usual.
* 64-Ice Melter-This hot fart melts ice, slush and snow; in fact, it's the hottest fart ever due to its extreme warmth!
* 65-The Frutti Fife-This fart imitates a fife in a marching band.
* 66-The Feeble Fizzle-This fart is hardly heard by others, but only heard by YOU!
* 67-The Peeper-This fart imitates a chick peeping.
* 68-Li'l Thunder-This really short and noisy fart imitates a thunderclap on a rainy day.
* 69-The Double Upper-Two farts in a row.
* 70-The Noisemaker-Often unleashed by people who celebrate their own birthdays, this imitates a big, loud pop of confetti!
* 71-The Paint Peeler Offer-This is so hot that it peels wallpaper and paint off of a room's walls!
* 72-The Mozartful Fartful-A tuneful toot that replicates a classical sonatina in three movements.
* 73-The Carbonation-A fart that imitates a soda container fizzing after it's opened up.
* 74-The 8VB-A fart that's an octave lower than usual.
* 75-The 15MB-A fart that's 2 octaves lower than usual.
* 76-The Triple Scooper-A fart that imitates the noise of a spoon scooping a sundae.
* 77-The Tweeter-A fart that imitates a whistle.
* 78-The Pneumatic Driller-A fart that imitates a pnuematic drill rumbling.
* 79-The Breezy Bomb-A very dry and really windy fart that imitates a breeze blowing through a nature conservatory.
* 80-The Slobber-A squidgy, squelchy, gloppy and wet fart that imitates goo being squished.
* 81-The Distinguisher-A lengthy fart that imitates an air horn blowing until it runs out of pressure.
* 82-The Deadly Sleeper-A really quiet fart reminiscent of a balmy breeze blowing at summer camp.
* 83-The Pop Star-A shrill fart reminiscent of a pop singer hitting a high note.
* 84-The Joyous Jingler-A rhythmic fart imitating Christmastime sleigh bells; it may be done by the Clauses after snacking on cookies and milk.
* 85-The Gusher-A very wet fart imitating an explosive geyser.
* 86-The Tango Trumper-A rhythmic fart with a debonair flair!
* 87-The Snowdrifter-A really long and ridiculously quiet fart reminiscent of wintertime wind.
* 88-The Schoolyard Snicker-A series of speedy farts that mimic a bunch of schoolkids reacting to a whoopie cushion.
* 89-The Roundhouse Chuffer-A toot that imitates a tank engine's whistle.
* 90-The Danger Alert-A toot that mimics a wailing siren.
* 91-The Gummy Blammer-A brief, but really loud and very, very wet fart that imitates a bubblegum bubble bursting.
* 92-The Chococustard Cake Catastrophe-A very deadly fart caused by eating chocolate cake with lumpy custard.
* 93-The Floorboard Rattler-A really loud and very powerful fart that causes the ground to shake and quake.
* 94-The Floofy Cloud-A really breezy fart that smells like fruity cotton candy.
* 95-The Sizzler-A super hot fart that imitates a sizzling barbecue.
* 96-The Falling Anvil-A fart that starts out breezy and windy, then ending with a sudden butt bang!
* 97-The Razz Rasper-This fart imitates the noise you make when your palms are on your lips and you blow a strong raspberry; it goes, "THRRRRP!!!"
* 98-The Keet Squawker-A really noisy fart that imitates a parakeet's call. (Note: Philly-approved!)
* 99-The Pep Rally Poot-A fart that imitates blowing vuvuzelas and applause.