The Perfect Ad

"*This is no ordinary integrated sponsorship. No. This is the perfect ad.*"
―Erik
The Perfect Ad is the 124th lesson of Internet Comment Etiquette. It was released on November 28, 2020.

## Summary

Erik declares that he may have the best ads and shows the ad reel that he plays for prospective advertisers. Then he gives a shoutout the cold open's sponsor: Tyson Chicken.

Erik laments the current status of ads, and he seeks to find the perfect ad. He watches a terrible Dunkin Donuts ad where Al Pacino sells out. He explains that YouTube's monetization system is essentially useless, explaining that even PragerU can run ads on his videos, which is unfortunate given the comment he types under one of their videos. Erik opts instead for integrated sponsorships and shows examples of a Raycon ad by Internet Historian and a cooking video by Adam Ragusea that was sponsored by the government of a South Korean province.

Then Erik learns about SponsorBlock, a browser plugin that automatically skips the ad segments in a video. He downloads the plugin and sees how they massacred his videos. He uses the plugin to mark the entire SponsorBlock explainer video as an ad. Then he explains that he's not about to show an ad. He's about to show the perfect ad. He addresses the 100 student focus group that he's talking to on Discord and starts The Perfect Ad for Black Friday.

Everyone in the focus group tries to give feedback on the ad at the same time, so Erik calls on one student. He learns that violence could have made the ad better. Then he has everyone talk at the same time, takes their input, and deletes the group. Then he realizes that it's Saturday, updates the ad for Cyber Monday, and teamkills in Rainbow Six.

## Comments

*gained three inches and saved my marriage by eating Burger King's 5 dollar whopper meal! I don't know what kind of blood magic witchcraft goes into these Burger King burgers to make them such blood pumping libido boosters, all I know is nobody buys this shit for how it tastes. Because let's be honest Burger King tastes like dog garbage, that is what a dog would consider garbage if it was in charge of its own home and given a trash can with the understanding that whatever's in there will be taken away forever. So whatever a dog would consider gross enough to throw out, that's
what a Whopper tastes like. Good thing it makes your dick big enough to need new shorts. Also you're gonna need new shorts because Burger King makes you shit yourself. This message brought to you by Wendy's Twitter.**Wendy's Twitter: Now hiring people who can use the word "glizzy" in a sentence*
- Erik

*I attended PragerU back in 2015 on a wrestling scholarship. That is until they shut down the wrestling program because the coaches kept banging all the kids. But hey that happens everywhere that's not just a PragerU thing. Unfortunately it also meant I was stuck taking normal classes and trying to keep my GPA up WITHOUT being a star athlete. And man those classes were so weird.**My Civics teacher kept showing me cartoon frogs and complaining about freedom of speech anytime a student asked him to put his dick away. I took a film studies class but every week my libertarian teacher just played Fight Club and tried to explain why cryptocurrency is safer than the stock market. I still remember my first kiss in the quad of PragerU, right under the 80 foot tall statue of Jordan Peterson. One time I aced a test just by writing "I don't like big government" for every answer. My favorite memory has to be when we held a big anti-taxation rally that got so out of hand they had to call in the national guard, which did end the rally but only because the entire student body was also in the national guard.**They say your college years are how you shape the rest of your life. After my time at PragerU, I'd have to say the rest of my life is shaped like Ronald Reagan's dangling, flaccid penis as he wanders the hall of the White House in confusion, talking to paintings and leaving a trail of piss wherever he goes until he can be wrangled back into his chair and forced to sign whatever bill puts more black people in prison. Thank you PragerU, and remember the "U" stands for Uruguay offshore accounts, so good luck following that money you bitch ass feds*
- Erik

*Yo! I just heard from my advertisers that everybody's using this goddamn plugin to skip my ads but I don't see anything in here about skipping youtube comments so check it out:**This post is brought to you by Nude Celebs For Free! That's right if you're still looking for the perfect holiday gift for that special someone in your life, we got a special running right now where you can get Al enhanced 4K footage of Rip Torn's blowjob from "The Man Who Fell To Earth" talk about daddy may I have some sausage, this guy's bringin the whole deli! Nude Celebs for Free the only website where we still remember that time Kevin Bacon showed his dick in Wild Things. But it's not just dudes at Nude Celebs for Free, no sir we also have exclusive archival footage of Eleanor Roosevelt getting fingerblasted by a time-travelling Oprah Winfrey. Come see for yourself at Nude Celebs for Free. Sign up today for a free clip of Huey Lewis whippin his dick out in “Short Cuts" so there you go skip that you goddamn freeloaders*
- Erik

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