recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
33: It's Not Even On Google Maps Yet

## Summary

While disguised, Will is able to hand Henrik over to the authorities, but Izek tells him that he might come and question him later (squeaky bum time). At Blinsky's shop Rudolph van Richten tells them about his mentee (reminding Raphina of Madam Eva's fortune telling) and his sabre-tooth tiger Nellie, which he plans to unleash on the Vistani camping out of town, should he need to. He also suggests that the party get on the good side of Blue Water Innkeeper Urwin, who's family are more than meets the eye, so the group decide to help with the Wizard of Wines.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Add your favourite quotes from the episode here!

## Trivia

* The episode title is a quote from Greg. The town guards ask Will (who's in character as a nondescript member of the townsfolk) where he lives and KT successfully rolls a survival skill check to have Will remember a street name that he's seen. KT: *"Hmm, I don't know what the names of streets are like here."* Eric: *"How about..."* KT: *"Barovia Town Village... Road..."* Greg: *"You may not have heard of it. It's really new. It's not even on Google Maps yet."*
* Eric says that the party met Raphina two days ago, and that's correct! The party met Raphina on BV3 and it's currently BV5.

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29: This is a Kids' Store!

## Summary

On the way to the town square, Will tries to give a nonplussed Lank the club, and when he touches it, he also sees a vision of himself beating people up. They pass Blinsky's Toys and Raphina insists they go in, finding all manner of creepy playthings presided over by the eccentric Gadof Blinsky, who's been making dolls in the likeness of Ireena for the burgomaster's henchman Izek Strazni. While Batthwack buys a Strahd puppet, Lank witnesses Izek putting some townsfolk into the stocks for "malicious unhappiness".

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Add your favourite quotes from the episode here!

## Trivia

* The episode title is a quote from Raphina. The party were being told about the special dolls that Izek is forcing Blinsky to make for him. This immediately gets Will's suspicions raging. He says, *"Is this some kind of 'special' doll?"* Lank: *"You know what I mean, toy guy."* Blinsky: *"No, no, please elaborate. I do not know. Be more be more clear with your words."* Will: *"Errrr.... you know, like a fun doll?"* Blinsky: *"All Blinsky toys quite fun. 'Is no fun, is no Blinsky'!"* Will: *"'Is no fun, is no Blinsky' for adults? Wink wink?"* Blinsky still isn't getting it and the party's question get increasingly less subtle: *"Do you have to clean it after each time you play with it?"* *"How anatomically correct is the doll?"* *"Does it have any softer parts?"* *"Do you know what sex is?"* This is the final straw for Raphina, who screams, *"This is a kid's store! And poor Milivoj doesn't even know what that is."*

## Episode Sponsor

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This episode was brought to you by **Skincare**. The world's first negative SPF sunscreen. It's time to tell rickets where to stick it.

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103: Ass Position

## Summary

Baba Lysaga flies (literally, she transforms into a swarm of flies) into a rage and attacks, as does her hut, which is now fully animated and stalking about on its root legs and hurling boulders at the party. Lank and Batthwack are inside the hut, wrestling with its vicious floorboards to try and get at the gem underneath, while trying (and failing) to stay on their feet as blood from the bathtub sloshes all over the floor. Will attempts to de-escalate the situation by disguising himself as Strahd, but only succeeds in getting a ride on Baba Lysaga's floating skull, giving him the opportunity to secrete his *Immovable Rod* inside.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Add your favourite quotes from the episode here!

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Alex. Lank, while trying to retrieve the gem from a hole protected by animated floorboards that have become like biting teeth, has trapped his hand. Batthwack wants to help his comrade, but the movement of the hut walking about on its legs is making things difficult. Eric: *"It's just a straight dexterity check."* Alex: *"Alright. 11."* Eric: *"Okay. You fall on your ass."* Alex: *"Alright, great. Can I swing my axe from ass position?"*
* Augustus Gloop and the chocolate river from *Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory* (1971): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4EF1zYFHbus

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Argynvostholt

**Argynvostholt** was the castle and home of the knights of the Order of the Silver Dragon. The order was led by a silver dragon named Argynvost. When he was slain in battle against Strahd, some of his remains were entombed at Argynvostholt.

## Areas of Argynvostholt

### Ground Floor

**(1) Dragon Statue**.

**(2) Main Entrance**.

**(3) Ruined Stable**.

**(4) Dark Foyer**.

**(6) Spiders' Ballroom**.

**(10) Wine Storage**.

**(12) Den**.

**(27) Graveyard**.

**(28) Mausoleum**.

**(30) Chapel Staircases**.

**(31) Chapel**.

**(48) Dining Room**.

**(49) Parlor**.

**(50) Iron Gate**.

**(51) Servants' Quarters**.

**(52) Kitchen**.

### Second Floor

**(5) Balconies**.

**(7) North Hallway**.

**(8) West Staircases**.

**(9) North Alcove**.

**(11) South Alcove**.

**(29) Chapel Balcony**.

**(30) Chapel Staircases**.

**(33) Ruined Bedchambers**.

**(34) Northeast Bedchamber**.

**(35) Knight's Quarters**.

**(36) Northwest Bedroom**.

**(37) Knight's Quarters**.

**(38) Storage Room**.

**(39) Bathroom**.

### Third Floor

**(13) Curtained Staircases**.

**(14) Collapsed Ceiling**.

**(15) Ruined Chambers**.

**(16) Upstairs Gallery**.

**(17) Audience Hall**.

**(18) Ruined Bathroom**.

**(19) Knights of the Order**.

**(20) East Staircase**.

**(40) Vladimir's Bedroom**.

**(41) Closet**.

**(42) Study**.

**(43) Ransacked Vault**.

**(44) Argynvost's Bedroom**.

### Roof

**(20) East Staircase**.

**(21) Hole in the Roof**.

**(22) Dragon Gargoyle**.

**(23) Ancient Ballistae**.

**(24) Destroyed Ballista**.

**(25) Roof's Edge**.

**(26) Tower Door**.

**(32) Beacon of Argynvostholt**.

**(45) Beacon, Lower Landing**.

**(46) Beacon, Upper Landing**.

**(47) Beacon Turrets**.

## History

* 90: Plantalone: Ghost knight: "If you are seeking assistance, I suggest you travel to Argynvostholt. [...] In Argynvostholt you will find Vladimir Horngaard. I would recommend you convince him to try to help you in your fight against the dread lord of this valley. I do not know if he will be able to help your friend and the curse that afflicts him. [...] There is a spur leading south off the main road between here and Vallaki. The head of it is marked with a pillar topped by a dragon head." [...] Lank: "The people of this castle are enemies of Strahd?" Knight: "Yes. We were former knights of the Order of the Silver Dragon. We were defeated in the battle against him long, long ago. Our spirits remain in this valley. [...] This is not my original body. I inhabit this body. We rise through the corpses of those found here. [...] Argynvost was a silver dragon. He led us in this fight. He unfortunately was slain as well in this battle. [...] I know of no other dragons than Argynvost here in Barovia. His tomb lies at Argynvostholt. Please return that skull there. Set his spirit at rest, if it remains here. I do not know if it does. We, his knights, do remain. [...] I am committed to wandering these lands, these forests, seeking out and destroying those in league with Strahd."

## Quotes

Any memorable quotes about this location.

## Gallery

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Arsala

**Arsala** was a lizardfolk guard in Chilchirah's tribe. He was one of the two that killed their captain after he'd shown loyalty to Chilchirah. Batthwack later asked them *"Can we switch to common for the benefit of my friends?"* Arsala's fellow guard replied *"I can... Arsala here, he cannot."* Speaking in draconic, Arsala told Batthwack *"I am with you. For my daughters."*
114: Strangely Contoured Knees

## Summary

A very quick and broad summary of events in this episode will go here. Eventually.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Add your favourite quotes from the episode here!

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Alex. The party encounter four loathsome, hunched, one-eyed creatures in a room of amber sarcophagi, and these creatures immediately start trying to pry into our heroes' minds. Lank and Batthwack fend off their first attempts and Batthwack has to block the door when they show interest in Will and Raphina. Unperturbed, the creatures try to peer through his legs. Greg: *"Lank will stand between Batthwack's legs to create a complete wall."* Eric: *"Fun fact: the shape between Batthwack's legs is an exact silhouette of Lank."* Greg says, *"Lank is either going to be very pyramid-shaped, or Batthwack's going to have some really strangely shaped legs."* Alex: *"It's the outline of my boots and the pants I'm wearing."* Abby: *"Yeah, he's got wiggly pants contours going on."* Alex: *"Strangely contoured knees, yeah."*

## Gallery

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Argynvost

**Argynvost** was the silver dragon who led the Order of the Silver Dragon, a group of knights committed to seeking out and destroying agents of Strahd.

## Argynvost Facts!

* 90: Plantalone: Ghost knight: "If you are seeking assistance, I suggest you travel to Argynvostholt. [...] Lank: "The people of this castle are enemies of Strahd?" Knight: "Yes. We were former knights of the Order of the Silver Dragon. We were defeated in the battle against him long, long ago. Our spirits remain in this valley. [...] This is not my original body. I inhabit this body. We rise through the corpses of those found here. [...] Argynvost was a silver dragon. He led us in this fight. He unfortunately was slain as well in this battle. [...] I know of no other dragons than Argynvost here in Barovia. His tomb lies at Argynvostholt. Please return that skull there. Set his spirit at rest, if it remains here. I do not know if it does. We, his knights, do remain. [...] I am committed to wandering these lands, these forests, seeking out and destroying those in league with Strahd."

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6: Sacred Flaming is Exhausting

## Summary

Will collects the orb and the group decide to take another long rest after their fight with the shadows. Will tells everyone he's going to the bathroom, only to then abandon the party and walk straight out the front door. Down the street, an old woman directs him to the local tavern and he heads off. Back at the house the others search for Will, but they only succeed in finding a secret trapdoor leading underground.

## Synopsis

A more detailed description of events in this episode.

## Trivia

* The episode title quote Emily! In a moment of respite, Lamora finds herself wondering what to do next. Kevin: *"Lamora are you doing anything? Are you just sitting there going like, '"hat did I leave the temple for?!'"* Emily: *"I'm just sitting there. That* Sacred Flaming*... that's just... exhausting."*

## Episode Sponsor

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This episode was brought to you by: **Carrying a Lot of Shit** - from the makers of Who Gives a Fuck About Rations.

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110: Dwayne "Vrock" Johnson

## Summary

Batthwack circumvents the gatehouse by climbing over the wall and is quickly followed by Lank, Victor and Ezmerelda. As soon as they climb down though, the demon statues transform into vrocks and attack, so the party have to defend themselves while separated by the wall. With the vrocks defeated, the green curtain of flame disappears and the group take refuge for the night in a nearby guard tower.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Add your favourite quotes from the episode here!

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Eric. The DM had helpfully explained to the group that the gargoyle/vulture/demon creature things they were fighting were in fact vrocks, and a little later on, the following exchange was heard between Ezmerelda and Will. Ezmerelda (having thrown her axe from atop the wall): *"Get that for me when we're done!"* Will: *"You won't even come down after the fight's done?"* Ezmerelda: *"We're going this way!"* Will: *"You climb down!"* Ezmerelda: *"Why are we havin' an argument about this?"* Will: *"Because I contribute nothing besides arguments!"* Ezmerelda: *"Kill the vrock!"* Will: *"You know too much."* Ezmerelda: *"Dwayne 'Vrock' Johnson!"*
* Eric's latin translation of *"I don't really have much that I can do"* (I'm guessing according to Google translate) was *"Quod non realiter multum facere"*

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56: Twisty Ties

## Summary

Will maintains his disguise as the Baron while the rest of the party are joined by Izek to fight the guards. Batthwack doesn't hesitate in killing Strahd-worshipper Fiona Wachter, and Raphina does her best to humanely incapacitate the guards with a *Hypnotic Pattern*, but Izek in particular has something of a blood lust and three of them are killed. The last remaining guard is tied up and taken outside by Izek (the Baron/Will insists they're not killed, wink-wink!) while the group discuss what to do next; perhaps pay a visit to Fiona's house.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* KT: *"Will is so excited right now! Batthwack versus Izek, you GUYS?! I'm gonna sell tickets for this. I'm going to build a stadium in Vallaki. And just sell tickets to fights with a giant turtle and demon face."* Abby: *"Sunday Sunday Sunday!"* Greg: *"Everybody stop. Stop what you're doing. I'm going to build a stadium. I'll be right back."*

## Trivia

* The episode quotes Abby/Raphina. When Batthwack grapples Izek to try and stop him from slaughtering all the guards, Raphina pipes up with an offer of help. *"Here, I have some twisty ties that you can use just to tie him up."* Lank: *"Twisty ties..."* Raphina: *"I save them every time I open a loaf of bread."* Batthwack: *"I'm not tying Izek up."* Lank: *"And if he was, twisty ties would not be the first choice."* Batthwack: *"Yeah I'd use pipe cleaners."*

## Episode Sponsor

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This episode was brought to you by **Bugbear Spray**. It's a shotgun.

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99: Bill and Ted

## Summary

While Lank finally has a well-earned sleep, the others investigate the last few unexplored corners of Argynvostholt, looking for, variously, a sarcophagus, a place to bury a head, and lunch. Disconcertingly, they also find some scarecrows have appeared outside, things that Ezmerelda sees as being portents of evil deeds. When the scarecrows depart suddenly and an ominous pile of feathers is found, it can only be deduced that some of their wereraven allies have been kidnapped.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Nick (using *Message* to communicate with Will telepathically): *"Will, there are creatures heading into the woods, maybe with some wereravens as hostages!"* Will (replying telepathically): *"And...?"* Nick: *"We have to save them!"* Will: *"We do? Into the woods?! No! Lank is half dead isn't he? What is he doing? What are we doing?! No! Leave! Let's go! You know, there was a child we were supposed to find. I think that guy that was in this castle said there was a little girl that was lost. How about that person? Wereravens can at least turn into ravens, Nick."* Eric: *"Beep! Your message has been cut off."*

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes KT and refers to the moment in game when Batthwack was investigating a mysteriously moving cooking pot in the kitchen. Eric: *"You're able to duck out of the way as a bat flies out from the pot and flaps around your head."* Abby: *"The bat thwacks him!"* Alex: *"Yes, in an alternate timeline, that happened."* Eric: *"You went back in time. That's how you got your name and that's how you knew to dodge it this time around."* KT: *"Woooah!"* Eric: *"But then it didn't happen. So now you have no idea what your name is."* Abby: *"We're going to have to call you Ted."* KT: *"Yes! Hey! And I'm Bill! Yes! We are best friends! Bill and Ted!"* Abby: *"An Excellent Adventure."*

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117: "Cup"cakes and Peanuts!

## Summary

A very quick and broad summary of events in this episode will go here. Eventually.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Lank: *"You're always using spells to calm people down when they're upset. Can you calm yourself down?"* Raphina: *"I don't remember that I can do that when I'm upset."*
* Will: *"That guy disappeared and my gift sucks."* Abby: *"Do you want a refund?"* Will: *"I want a refund. Actually, are you the manager? Because I would like a refund."*

## Trivia

* The episode title refers to two moments in the pre-game chat. The first was when KT made a dodgy-sounding slip of the tongue. KT: *"It sounded like I'm saying cumcakes, but I* meant *cupcakes. And I said cuncakes."* Greg: *"I thought you had a 'T' in there, so that's what I thought you said..."* KT: *"Some c\*ntcakes. Oh man. Nope."* Greg: *"So you didn't make them shaped like little vaginas like* The Vagina Monologues *lollipops?"* The second moment was when Abby shook her snack vigorously and asked *"Can you hear my peanuts?"* : *"Oh, definitely. I absolutely, definitely hear your peanuts."* Abby: *"I just wanted to be sure you can hear my peanuts."* Eric: *"I can definitely hear your peanuts. There's no question. At all. That I can hear your peanuts."*

## Recap

*Main article: The Music of Pork Fried Dice*
Eric's recap in this episode heavily featured the *Dun dun duuun!* noise.

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67: You Can Smell As Many Holes As You Want

## Summary

Finally, the two remaining werewolves flee and Lank kills them on the run. While the party rest up, Lank does a show and tell with the items he picked up in the Baron's attic, including an unusual bag of beans, one of which when planted turns into a nest of eggs, and a many-corked jug that contains a variety of liquids, some unidentifiable. Batthwack conjures a majestic (and green) celestial warhorse before they all set off to look for silver weapons in Krezk, eventually coming within sight of a large stone building atop an outcrop, an ominous bell tolling faintly in the distance.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Add your favourite quotes from the episode here!

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Eric. The group are investigating Lank's item hoard from the Baron's attic, eventually getting around to the strange many-corked jug. They unplug a few different cork holes, finding mayonnaise in the first one they try. The next couple of liquids are harder to identify, with one them smelling strongly of ammonia. They have an idea of what some of the other symbols represent. KT: *"It's got to be oil, it's got to be wine or grape juice or something. So can we smell the holes that we think..."* Eric: *"You can smell as many holes as you want."*
* Iocaine powder: https://princessbride.fandom.com/wiki/Iocaine\_powder

## Episode Sponsor

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This episode was brought to you by **Teen Wolf III**. Veronica's hungry like the wolf. The Teen Wolf. Howling into theatres this fall.

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89: No, No, Just a Plain Old Punch

## Summary

Batthwack insists that if they let Nat go he'll only kill again, but Will argues that he's just a kid. They give chase and Batthwack knocks the young werewolf out before tying him up. Meanwhile Raphina suggests wolfsbane to cure Nick's werewolfism and Lank and Batthwack go out into the dark forest to look for some.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Add your favourite quotes from the episode here!

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Alex. Batthwack tackles Nat to the ground and Alex explains that he wants to knock him out. Eric: *"You would have to strike him in the head, you know? Give him a nice donkey punch. I don't know what you were planning."* Alex (hesitates): *"Yeah, I won't, but..."* Eric: *"Headbutt?"* Greg: *"Donkey punch?!"* Eric: *"Yeah, the punch to the back of the head!"* Alex laughs: *"I don't think that means what you think it means!"* Listeners, this is what it means (spoiler: it's very rude). Greg: *"Episode 69 everybody."* (a callback to an earlier discussion in which KT revealed that the episode releasing on the day they were recording this was episode 69. Eric: *"Not this episode! We're releasing it today. It's in our blood everybody, you got to deal with it. Very lascivious episode."* There's a pause before Alex clarifies Batthwack's action: *"Yeah I'm not... No, no, just a plain old punch."*

## Recap

*Main article: The Music of Pork Fried Dice*
This episode featured Eric doing a recap in the form of some limericks!

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93: Right in the Eyes, Not in the Ass

## Summary

While Ezmerelda stays behind with Bernard to keep an eye on Nat, the gang begin tentatively exploring the crumbling, fortified mansion of Argynvostholt. Downstairs, Raphina bumps into a wounded elf hiding in the wine storage room, while Batthwack discovers a room full of giant spiders and Lank hastens upstairs to look for someone who can help Nick. Batthwack follows him, and in a curtained-off alcove a black cloth covering a pedestal is removed to reveal Will's severed head!

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Add your favourite quotes from the episode here!

## Trivia

* The episode title is a quote from KT/Will. The party draw up to the castle and find a large statue of a dragon out front. Oddly though, it's noted that the statue is facing the castle, rather than out towards anyone approaching from the road. Will: *"That's weird. What a weird architectural design. Why would they have the statue looking at their own place?"* Raphina: *"I don't understand why this dragon's butt is facing out right."* Will: *"I guess if it's a dragons house and he wanted to come out and look at the statue of himself or his friend... 'Right in the eyes, not in the ass!' That's what he wanted I guess."* Eric: *"Engraved below the statue is an inscription. It says, 'Right in the eyes, not in the ass."*
* At the beginning of the episode, Eric welcomed everyone: *"Hello and welcome. It's been a while."* Abby: *"Not to the listeners."* Eric: *"No. Yeah, it's been but a week. It is now October 22, 2040. We'll see how close the date is."* Despite being recorded weeks in advance, the episode did actually land on October 22nd!
* Li'l Sebastian! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Li%27l\_Sebastian
* "The Shrine of the Silver Monkey" is one of the rooms in the kids' action-adventure game show *Legends of the Hidden Temple*. In order to pass through the room, contestants had to put together the Silver Monkey, a three-piece statue. See https://legends.fandom.com/wiki/The\_Shrine\_of\_the\_Silver\_Monkey
* Staircase and *"Frankly my dear..."* from *Gone with the Wind* (1939): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQ5ICXMC4xY

## Gallery

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105: If Knowing Isaac Ch-Childres Is Cool, Consider Greg Miles Davis

## Summary

Baba Lysaga has returned from her *Banishment*, so the party must now contend with her as well as her scarecrows minions and some creepy-crawling hands. The ravens help, and Davian makes a vengeful charge, but before long he is knocked unconscious.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Add your favourite quotes from the episode here!

## Trivia

* The episode title refers to a moment in the pre-game chat that became a recurring theme during the episode, the theme being Greg's extreme level of coolness. Abby asked, *"Do you know what Gloomhaven is Greg? You probably do. You're a cool person."* Greg: *"Um... Well..."* Eric: *"Here we go."* Greg: *"Yeah, I er... I don't know how to proceed. Given the stakes as they've been set out for it. Because a cool person would know that thing you're talking about. A cool person would NOT have to Google it. I believe it's a board game."* Greg continues (clearly reading from Board Game Geek): *"Euro-inspired tactical combat in a persistent world of shifting motives, is how I would describe it."* Eric: *"Wow, he's SO familiar."* Abby: *"I knew you'd know all about it."* KT: *"I don't know about it, so..."* Abby: *"It sounds like you're reading it off a webpage, you know it so well."* Greg: *"Oh, no, I know the designer... <reads> Isaac Ch-Childres."* Eric: *"That extra stutter is really part of his name. Most people don't know that."* Abby: *"It's an African name."* Greg: *"He's Norwegian."* Abby: *"Afro-Norwegian."* Greg: *"He made the game in 2017."* Abby: *"I don't know anything about it, so you could have even just made stuff up and I wouldn't have known. But apparently, it's the sort of thing they would like to play and maybe Eric too, so I just assumed you were one of those cool people."* KT: *"And it's like 150 bucks."* Greg: *"Obviously, I'm one of those cool people. It's only $139.99 from coolstuffinc.com with free shipping. Which I know off the top of my head!"*
* Cephalophore: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cephalophore

## Gallery

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Bag of Beans

The ***Bag of Beans*** was a sack of beans that when planted would produce unusual magical effects.

## Description

* 51: Thanks, and Ew.: "A heavy cloth bag, like almost like a pouch. It's not too large, but it seems to be holding something, if you pick it up. It weighs about two- two and a half pounds. [...] It contains... you pour through it a little bit... nine beans. [...] The bag is a very fine velvet cloth. [...] There's gold threadwork along the hem of the bag, but there's nothing on the front of it. Inside though, in that same gold thread, there is a vine with leaves on it, on the inside of the bag, [...] a picture, sewn into the inside of the bag with this gold thread." / Abby: "How big was the bean?" Eric: "Like the size of a lima bean. [...] Upon closer look they actually seem to be different types of beans. But you know enough to think that these don't seem normal. And you think that if you were to try to figure out what they do, you would have a better chance of doing so via planting them versus eating them. They seem like planting beans."

## Powers

* 67: You Can Smell As Many Holes As You Want: Abby: "Raphina takes one bean out and cracks it between her teeth." [...] Eric: "Roll a percentile die." Abby: "29." Eric: "You bite into the bean, you start to crack into it, but then it is like you are biting stone. [...] If you pull it out, it looks like a stone eye." / Raphina plants a couple of beans and waters them: "When the water hits the soil above where you had planted the beans, the ground glows and trembles. [...] Roll another D100." Abby: "81." Eric: "Roughly 60 seconds after the water hit the soil [...] the ground trembles again. And then sprouting up from the ground is a nest of seven eggs. [...] They're not quite as big as a chicken's egg. [...] It looks like some sort of bird's nest with birds eggs in it. [...] You [Batthwack] do not think they are reptile eggs. They're probably some sort of bird egg." / They check an egg with light and determine it's not fertilised, but has a yoke.
50: Play The Bellows On Me

## Summary

Lank gets a shock (literally) when he opens a door in the attic leading to a study belonging to the Baron's moody son, who is as yet unaware of the murder of his parents. He's apparently been practising magic and when Will appears disguised as the Baron, it becomes clear that the two of them did not see eye to eye. Will (in Baron guise) offers his "son" the services of the rest of the party, which seems to please the boy, who unnervingly mentions something about "test subjects".

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Eric (when Batthwack heads off to look for Will): *"If you look down, you catch a glimpse of Will bustling from room to room. But actually you don't see Will! You see the Baron moving from room to room, pointing at things and they suddenly glow and sparkle with cleanliness."* KT: *"No I've got my squeegee spell!"* Eric: *"Yeah!"* Alex: *"My immediate thought was to reach for my sword, but now that I see that it's the Baron of Cleaning, I'm not so worried."* KT: *"That should be my name! Oh my god. Even when I'm myself, just call me the Baron of Cleaning."*

## Trivia

* The episode title is a quote from KT. Early in the session, the players are demonstrating their dumbest laughs. When it comes to Eric's turn, Abby asks *"Why are you grabbing your chest? Does that somehow enhance the laugh?"* Eric: *"Have to work the phlegm up and down to get the proper chortle."* KT: *"I'm gonna play you like a... what's it called? What's it called?"* Eric: *"Bassoon?"* The word KT was trying to think of was "bellows"... the well known instrument? The session completely breaks down at this point s everyone imagines what bellows music sounds like. KT: *"All right, breathe..."* Eric: *"Is it almost time for topless D&D? You're fanning yourself, you need a bellows."* KT: *"Play the bellows on me, I'm very hot."* Greg: *"Best pickup line of the night, right there."*

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21: Eric, Do You Hate Us?

## Summary

The party take a beating from the hags. Nick and Raphina are magically sent to sleep, Bernard is transformed into a butterfly and Ireena is unconscious. One hag is killed, but when Will and Lank are knocked unconscious, Batthwack is the only one left standing.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Raphina: *"I told you guys we shouldn't have gone into the freaking windmill!"*
* Abby (after Eric disses Will's Eldritch Blast): *"You have a domestic dispute right here."* KT: *"Oh my god."* Eric: *"You guys are witnessing the demise of our marriage."* Greg: *"But was it worth it for a great game of D&D?"* Abby: *"D&D stands for 'Dungeons and Divorce'."*
* KT: *"I'm trying to think if there's like a secret in this freaking place that we're supposed to find, like run upstairs and find that their vaginas are up there and we have to kill them or something. They store their vaginas in a refrigerator upstairs. And we got to go get em and show them to them and be like, 'tHiS iS yOuR vAgInA!'"* Abby: *"I was so delighted at the first mention that I hung up! I was trying to mute it!"* Greg: *"I like the idea that Will was sort of cowering inside, like, 'How can I possibly turn the tide?' And he's like, 'Wait, only a fool would bring her vagina into battle! It must be upstairs!'"*

## Trivia

* The episode title is quote from Abby. The fight against the hags at the windmill is not going well. At one point KT tries to transform Bernard from a dainty butterfly, which has been sitting on Batthwack's head, into a fearsome bear. KT: *"He'll say, get off of, you know, Batthwack's head, or whatever. Move off and turn into a bear, if he can will him to do that."* Eric: *"The butterfly flits next to Batthwack and just kind of hovers there."* KT: *"Are you effing kidding me? Did I use my turn for that?"* Eric: *"Yes. Your action."* KT: *"Eric!"* Abby: *"Eric, do you hate us?"*

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92: I Am The Least Fortunate Person Who Ever Lived

## Summary

Batthwack manages to stay reverent enough to avoid being electrocuted by the dragon, who says it will take charge of the skull now and return it to Argynvostholt, before flying away. They're all about to leave when Will, who's feeling increasingly alienated from the group, goes back to the tower alone to retrieve Nat's tied-up body. Meanwhile, reanimated corpses shamble out of the woods and swarm Lank, who fights valiantly but is only saved in the nick of time when everyone finally arrives on Ezmerelda's wagon. They all ride on together and finally arrive at Argynvostholt.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Eric: *"Batthwack's cloaca sounds like a 90s grunge singer. Just like your boner sounds like an 80s hair band singer."*
* Abby: *"Raphina smacks the Dungeon Master."*

## Trivia

* The episode title is a quote from Greg... doing an impression of Will, of course! With the help of Ezmerelda's wagon, Raphina, Will and Batthwack escape a terrifying encounter with an angry dragon. Will is separated from the others when he goes back to the tower to try and find Nat, but disconcertingly there's no sign of the kid or the dragon. Eric: *"Unless it's in the water, or behind the tower, or invisible."* KT: *"All right, well, then I'm gonna... Oh, man."* Alex: <Laughs> *"Sorry."* KT: *"This is terrible. This is terrible, this is terrible!"* Abby: <Laughs> KT (wondering what they're laughing at): *"Oh, is there something being sent or something?"* Abby: *"No, I just think it's funny how terrible it is, when we're still alive and the dragon went away."* Eric: *"Will's just like, 'I'm in the woods! This is terrible!'"* Greg: *"I am the least fortunate person who ever lived."*

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44: Have You No Respect For The Dead?

## Summary

The party head back to Vallaki with Davian to bury Adrian before splitting up to run some errands. Will goes for a haircut and then makes a trip to Blinsky's shop to commission a prosthetic arm for Ireena, finding the toymaker to be uncharacteristically irritable, which makes Will very suspicious. Meanwhile the others go to the Blue Water Inn and receive a letter from the baron: an invitation to dinner that also says *"I have a proposition for you."*

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Blinsky: *"I was going to say, the time come with premium. For job itself and make rush job, let me see..."* Eric (begins slipping back into Blinsky's voice): *"Starts counting on his fingers..."* Blinsky: *"Fingers! He starts counting on his fingers, he narrates out loud. As he narrates out loud him narrating out loud, and also narrating this and this."*

## Trivia

* The episode title is a quote from Greg. Eric is describing events as the party bring Adrian's body back to Vallaki, saying, *"You bring the body to the church. You drop him off there and... you just push him off the back. You slow down a little bit!"* There follows a full two minutes of increasingly outrageous descriptions of the body being launched through a window, off a trampoline and then being spiked directly into a grave. Greg: *"But we all are doing it as solemnly as possible. We all look sad as we do it."* Alex: *"Where permitted by physics everything is done extremely slowly."* Eric: *"It's the slowest full body spike into grave."* KT: *"An antigravity chamber set up over the grave hole."* Eric: *"Don't be ridiculous!"* Greg: *"Have you no respect for the dead?!"*

## Episode Sponsor

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31: The Sneakers of Seeing Ahead

## Summary

While everyone fights the vampires upstairs, Will chases the coffin maker downstairs, eventually catching him and stuffing him into a vacant coffin. Batthwack blasts the undead creatures with holy light from the symbol of Ravenkind, but when the wooden floor gives way, everyone is sent tumbling to the ground below. The vampires are all eventually dispatched and the coffin maker reveals the hiding place of the bones, just as Rictavio arrives unexpectedly, and reveals his true identify: Rudolph van Richten, legendary vampire hunter.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Batthwack (after Will made two failed attempts to move a table out the way): *"I'm gonna raise an eyebrow at Will and throw the table out the window."* Eric: *"It flies out the window, flies in the other window, and hits Will."'*

## Trivia

* The episode title is a quote from Greg. The party were keen to stop the coffin maker from escaping, but he slipped past Batthwack. Greg: *"The guy runs past, that's got to be an attack of opportunity."* Eric: *"He took the disengage action..."* KT (mockingly): *"He took the flurby-blurby-bluh!"* Eric: *"... So he is concentrating on being able to move past people without invoking such attacks. So he basically surprises you as he comes around the corner..."* Greg: *"It's a good thing Lank used his* Sneakers of Seeing Ahead *to prevent that from being effective."* Eric: *"Oh, he busted out the Greg PHB again!"*

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32: Love, The BMG

## Summary

Rudolph explains he didn't know that vampires were hiding in the Henrik, the coffin maker's, shop and that he's been investigating a Vistani camp outside town, suspecting them of being spies for Strahd. Before leaving, Rudolph suggests they meet at Blinsky's shop to talk further in private. The party tie up Henrik and wheel him to the town square on Raphina's terrarium where Will disguises himself as a member of the townsfolk.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Add your favourite quotes from the episode here!

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Greg. Wanting to deliver the coffin maker to the authorities without being recognised, Will is trying to think of ways to disguise himself. *"I have Prestidigitation and Silent Image, but those don't apply to... I mean I could paint my face blue and they'd be like 'Guys this blue man just said vampires were in the coffin maker's shop!'"* Lank suggests they just leave the coffin maker with a note attached to him, for example *"Dear town. This guy's a dick. Please do whatever you people do. Love, the Blue Man Group."*

## Episode Sponsor

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75: This Corruption, It Affects Pronouns

## Summary

Will makes a break for it with Ireena and the Abbot screams in anger before being cut short as he transforms into a radiant angel-like creature. This Angel (who is part of the Abbot; the only fragment of his original self that remains uncorrupted by Strahd) says that the root of Strahd's evil are dark powers residing in the mountains to the north and tells the party to search for weapons he's collected in the abbey to aid them in removing their curse from the land. He also grants everyone magical boons: Raphina is given the ability to sense Will's emotions and receives a familiar (when Cat Lady is transformed back into an actual cat), Bernard is returned, Batthwack gets some cool new abilities to protect those around him, Ireena's original arm is reinstated, and Lank's memories of his seedy past are fully restored.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Add your favourite quotes from the episode here!

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Eric and Alex. The Abbot transforms into his "true" angelic form, leaving the party gobsmacked. Speaking of his former self, the Abbot says *"I have been mostly corrupted by the evil of this land."' Raphina asks,* "What were you before you were corrupted?" *The Abbot:* "I am the form that you see before me... before you." *<Much laughter> Eric:* "He hangs his head." *Take 2. The Abbot:* "My true form is the one that you see before me." *Abby:* "Wait, what?" *<More laughter> The Abbot:* "This corruption, it effects even my speech centres." *Alex:* "It effects pronouns." *The Abbot:* "This true form see before you I am."
* The Bloomin' Onion! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blooming\_onion

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35: Our Prayers Are Like Mad Libs

## Summary

When Lank asks Father Lucian about the barrel he's been carrying, into which their friend had disappeared, he leads them in a prayer that apparently transforms the barrel's contents into water, but there is still no sign of Goran. They depart for the Wizard of Wines, taking Ireena with them for safety, and at the entrance to the vineyard the party meet Urwin's grumpy father Davian, and his whole family, who have been driven out by evil druids and their twiggy minions. After a night's rest they approach the winery itself and are quickly surrounded by twig blights.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Add your favourite quotes from the episode here!

## Trivia

* The episode title is a quote from Abby/Raphina. Father Lucian offers to assist the party with their barrel. *"I will pray to the Morninglord, and you all pray to your gods, and let's see what we can do here,"* he says. He lays his hands on the barrel and bends his head. Cue Raphina's prayer: *"Hey nonny-nonny-nonny, hey nonny-no, hey nonny-nonny-nonny, hey nonny-no, no-ninny-no, barrel-barrel-barrel-barrel, hey nonny-no, barrel-barrel-barrel-barrel, hey nonny-no."* Lank: *"Is this an actual prayer in your church? That's very specific!"* Raphina: "Our prayers are like mad libs."

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64: Outhouse Being Hit By Dead Dog

## Summary

During the night, the Swirly Man briefly appears to Will to tell him that his familiar privileges have been revoked. In the morning, Nat's grandfather delivers a pair of the kidnapped boy's pants to aid in his search and rescue, and before they set off to look for him, the party deal with the various dead bodies in the house by burying them in the back yard. They say goodbye to Blinsky and leave town, travelling some miles west before eventually meeting a travelling merchant who seems to be lying about his lack of silvered weapons.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Add your favourite quotes from the episode here!

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Abby. While Will distracts the household staff, the party prepare to bury the bodies of the Baron, the Baron's wife, their two pet dogs, and Henrik. It's Greg who first suggests that it might be easier to drop the bodies (which are upstairs) out the window. KT is quick to volunteer Batthwack, with the following words of encouragement: *"Come on Batthwack. Spare the the hammer, spoil the peen, or whatever..."* When Batthwack announces he's going to throw the bodies out the window, Eric plays the sound of smashing glass; it seems Batthwack forgot to open it first. This is followed by the sound of a building collapsing at Eric's suggestion that the dogs hit the outhouse. Abby: *"Wait... Do you have a sound effect that's called 'Outhouse being hit by dead dog'??"*

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Abby's Cousin

**Abby's Cousin** is a human woman, known for briefly wearing a huge backpack and seeing Abby on a Tuesday once.

## Description

### Appearance

At some point in 2005 she was photographed wearing a red T-shirt.

## History

In 2005, Abby's Cousin was photographed with a huge backpack. The picture notably became one of Abby's *"earliest photos I have in my photo account,"* requiring her to *"scroll"* a long way to find it. Later in 2021, while in graduate school, Abby's Cousin drove from Massachusetts back to Chicago and saw Abby on a Tuesday.
25: Eat Your Beets and Leave Me Alone

## Summary

It's dusk, so Galdar leads the party to the Blue Water Inn where the innkeeper offers them rooms and food, but it seems that the only things on the menu are hot beet soup, wolf steaks, and wine made by his family. Batthwack and Lank partake of the wine while the group talk about Ireena's plans to visit the church, and they investigate the holy symbol they found at the windmill. Attentions are turned to a flamboyant half elf sitting in the corner, a traveling ringmaster named Rictavio, who tells them that the baron is determined to enforce goodwill and positivity with a zero-tolerance approach to dissent of any kind.

## Synopsis

This is where a more detailed description of events in this episode will go... when someone writes it.

## Quotes

* Batthwack: *"Sounds great. I'll take it. I'll hold the wolf. I'll have the beets."* Innkeeper: *"Oh, okay!"* KT: *"'Sounds great! Hold the everything-you-just-said'! That was very polite Batthwack. 'That sounds amazing. I don't want any of it. I'll take some water.'"*
* Rictavio: *"Oh, welcome Lank! Would you like to sit with us?"* Lank: *"Sure!"* Greg: *"...says Lank and he summits a stool."* Eric: *"Stop along the way, tap into your oxygen tank."* Greg: *"Establishes base camp at the first rung."* KT: *"He sees the corpses of other dwarves on his way up."*

## Trivia

* The episode title is a quote from Greg. At the Blue Water Inn the party get acquainted with the limited menu and meet the innkeeper, who offers them some wine, which he says his family make. Play is stopped momentarily while Eric tries to remember what the proper term for wine making is, before giving up. Eric/Innkeeper: *"I come from a family of winemakers... drop this in KT... I come from a family of winemakers."* Abby/Raphina: *"I'm sceptical. You didn't know the word."* Greg: *"But then you got all pissed off that there wasn't a cool word, so I'm no longer sceptical."* Innkeeper/Eric: *"Every day someone asks me about my wine, I pretend like I don't know what the right word is in hopes that someone will have a cooler name, and you have failed me, just like everyone has that's come before you."* Greg: *"Eat your beets and leave me alone!"*

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