Mr. Eckelstone

## Background

Mr. Eckelstone states that "statistically [he] should have died seventeen and a half times" in the skit Driver's Ed, and that he's "been teaching this course for over ten decades" (one hundred years). We already see his proneness to exaggeration. To be a driving instructor, you must be at least 21 years old; which would place his age at 121+. Or perhaps, he really is telling the truth. However, Driver's ED began in 1934. Which would place his age at around 79, assuming the skit is placed in 2013.

## Medical

His right hand is known to have no feeling and is really quite limp, and we can conclude that it has not always been this way by his use of the term "no longer". In addition he has an "enormous cataract" in his left eye. His hand sometimes causes him difficulties, as seen in his inability to buckle his own seatbelt. Mr. Eckelstone may suffer from delusional disorder, which explains his constant irrational fears. If this is true, it may be possible that the lack of usability in his right hand is just a delusion, as is his conflicting statements about his age and such.

Mr. Eckelstone, while a Driver's Ed instructor, is known to be notoriously skeptical of the safety of cars, stating that "with each new venture out onto the road [he] takes [his] fate into [his] hands". He even offers the student driver and her passengers a chance to exit the "death machine"; adding that the securing of a seatbelt is just an illusion.

## Career

Despite being outrageously exaggerating of dangers on the road, Mr. Eckelstone has been a driver's ED instructor for over one hundred years (which is impossible, but continuing on). While he's correct about dangers in driving, he doesn't express them as would be normal (eg. intersections are the devil's playground, and left turns are his swing set). He also believes that it is unnatural for people to travel in cars and similar "vehicular nightmares" (he has the same beliefs about indoor plumbing and Taco Bell), and as a consequence of all this causes Mallory to jump out of the moving car.

Mr. Eckelstone is also a Boy scout Leader substitute for Scoutmaster Dan on a troop hunting trip (consisting of six boy scouts). Most of the boys bring hunting rifles, but it should be noted that Mr. Eckelstone has an old-fashion duel pistol. The same as when he was a driving instructor, Mr. Eckelstone begins to terrify his pupils. His two rules are to always wait for his command to open fire, and never let "them" smell your fear. He even goes to the measure of putting cyanide capsules in each of the boy's packs in case they are overrun by squirrels and porcupines. When a boy scout comments on not wanting to die, Mr. Eckelstone tells him that he should have stayed home- the woods are where men go to die. Some may say it's brave to go and face your fear of woodland creatures, but Mr. Eckelstone does nothing to help the boys when they are terrified and actually uses them as a human shield at one point.

Finally, Mr. Eckleston is also a lamaze instructor and certified midwife, replacing Thelma as the normal instructor. He has been present for the birth of 137 babies, most of them human. His view of newborns is that they are precious, innocent, and hideously ugly (telling the expecting mothers that their baby's faces will be remarkably similar to his own.)

## Insane Drivers Ed Teacher Scares Students

To drive is to die.

Mr. Eckelstone Teaches Drivers Ed. Teaching student drivers can be a dangerous thing. Watch as Mr. Eckelstone does his best to teach the drivers of the next generation.

## Mr. Eckelstone's Drivers Ed: Winter Edition

Join us for the ride, IF YOU DARE. Watch how Mr. Eckelstone navigates new drivers through the threat of winter driving.