Avoiding Surveillance

"*It turns out that you can't hide forever, so it's best just to play the game and have blackmail on hand just in case.*"
―Erik
Avoiding Surveillance is the 83rd lesson of Internet Comment Etiquette. This is the first lesson with a sponsored ad and the first appearance of Alexa. It was released on May 17, 2018.

## Summary

A surveillance drone tries to find Erik. Robot fires a sonic device and shuts down the drone. The two bond over fighting surveillance and Erik's normal haircut. Erik wishes to stop the surveillance so he can have privacy when he watches a kissing tutorial.

Erik runs an ad for NordVPN, his first ad ever. He uses it to connect to British internet and watch a trailer for Nobbleberry.

After the ad, Erik looks up how the government spies on people. A video warns him that the government is watching him through his smart phone, so he checks and sees he's being watched from inside his phone. He smashes the phone, and then finds a bunch of strange comments that keep using words like pork and cloud. He looks them it and sees that the Department of Homeland Security is monitoring usage of those words online. Erik types a comment using as many of them as he can. Unfortunately, he forgets to turn on NordVPN to leave the comment.

Next Erik watches a video teaching him how to see if anything in his house is bugged. He leaves a comment to get peopled worried about bugs. Then he starts a business called Salvia & Son's Bug Chasers and leaves an ad on Craigslist telling people he wants their bugs. He gets a customer that wants to give him herpes. He decides he can't be picky, so he tests out the bug tracking device and finds a camera inside of Robot's dickhole. Betrayed by Robot, Erik throws him over the balcony.

Erik watches a video teaching him how to run a whois query. He tries it and finds out the Cloud People are tracking him. One reaches through his laptop, so Erik leaves the Etiquesette and finds a remote hiding spot. He finds a Russian news video about Obama spying on people. Erik is glad that he's safe in his hiding spot until he sees Alexa and Robot in there with him. Erik offers Robot some bitcoin to betray Alexa, so Alexa lowers the value of bitcoin.

He gives up, returns to the Etiquesette, and just decides to surveil as well. He hacks into Ethan Klein's camera, but Ethan is just watching and old man's cover of Sk8er boy. Then Erik tries to hack into Jacksfilms' camera, but Jack is just watching Hila Klein's camera with Rotten Pineapple Erik. Erik accepts that he'll never win, so he just watches an old man's cover of Sk8er boy and a kissing tutorial.

## Comments

*I hope nobody catches me watching this at work lol because I just popped a fat one and it smells like a fart*
- Erik

*Yo what up Domestic Security Exercise Salvia here to Cloud Pork and a Gas Spillover H1N1 Tamiflu Grid Power with a big ol boyfriend suckin on my cocaine border public health subway don't forget about my flappy little san diego juarez hey anybody here have a problem with their hezbollah falling off? I swear I tried using MYSQL injections to keep it hard but these cyber attacks and worm scammers not to mention the IRA are always treating me like some kind of mexican army. Anyway hope you all have a great airplane and one time I stuck a militia up my asshole meth lab*
- Erik

*All your houses are bugged you dumb assholes! Everyone right now should be scouring the internet to find someone to come over and do a thorough examination. I thought I was totally safe jerking off on my living room couch while watching porn until I got an email from Mike Pence offering me a job as his personal chef so I can "serve him up a big plate of that hot dick\* -- HIS WORDS. I dunno what that guy's deal is but he must have sent my info to his buddies because now I've got Mitch McConnell, Lindsay Graham, and Rick Santorum crowding up my inbox calling me an 'angel' and asking if I can come over to stuff them like a Russian ballot box**Anyway I'm pretty sure my Xbox kinect has been spying on me so I put a piece of tape over the camera and now I keep getting text messages from the Catholic Church telling me to remove the tape. I had no idea so many people are trying to watch me whack off in the privacy of my own home! I found a camera in my shower and when I threw it out Kevin Spacey hurled a brick through my window. I mean don't take my word for it, just ask Mitt Romney who somehow got remote access to my 3D printer and keeps printing out sex dolls of himself for me to fuck with the words "closest I'll let myself get" etched around the rim of his asshole.**These politicians are sick if they think America's gonna put up with this obvious abuse of civil rights. Just the other day I was jerking off to a hot threesome scene when Obama popped into the corner of the video and started giving me stroke advice. What the fuck people is this how you want to live?? Fight back and get your home checked for bugs, and next time Jerry Falwell's dead ghost sends you pictures of his taint saying "Hey wanna lock snakes?" you tell him NO. NO JERRY FALWELL'S GHOST, FUCK YOU. SO GET YOUR HOUSES CHECKED YOU FOOLS CHECK CRAIGSLIST! Also check out my patreon where I send private dick shots to anyone who donates ten bucks*
- Erik

*Hey Salvia & Son's Bug Chasers here, do you have bugs? Because there's definitely a lot of bugs out there. You might have some and not even know it. Don't worry I'll find them and take em all home with me. My standard rate is $85 per hour and 50 for any special bugs that you might have that I can't find anywhere else. Sometimes I even bring my son and let him get some bugs too, he's still learning though so you gotta go easy on him.**Anyway Salvia & Son's Bug Chasers over and out GIMME THOSE BUGS!*
- Erik

*I wanna see one of these self-proclaimed "American" Russian news sites do a report on why hookah lounges in America always have the same eight old Russian guys sitting outside staring angrily at anyone who passes by. What the fuck are they doing there? Are they boyfriends? Inversely, does Russia have vape shops with American douchebags sitting outside eating hotdogs? Anyway this news channel is great I love how you guys reported that situation in Ukraine, reminds me of the time I reported my wife missing when I knew she was buried under the gazebo. All said and done, RT America is about as legitimate as the pregnancy I said I had to get out of jury duty, and I'm a guy. I could fuck a cow to death and set myself on fire inside its corpse and the resulting news article would still make more sense than anything this dumb bullshit channel's starship trooper journalism has ever accomplished outside of showing how shitty Russian propaganda looks when they get off reddit and try to talk to a camera cloud pork 9/11 bad channel fuck you*
- Erik

*WHERE'S THE LAMB SAUCE*
- Erik

## Context

1. ↑ Bugchasers are people that seek out sex with people that are HIV positive.

## Video

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