The Toot Machine

This magenta box has yellow buttons to push; when the buttons are pushed, Carrot Top makes comical toots and remarks after each one.

## The Jape Routines

* Festive Flatulence Frenzies-When your favourite holidays arrive, hit the buttons for maximum holiday cheer!
* Fright Fun-Whenever something's really scary, just shoo the fear out with The Toot Machine!
* Sporting Bloopers-Whenever there are buzzers, whistles, vuvuzelas and amazing plays, use The Toot Machine to celebrate victory with farts!

## The Toots and Remarks

1. ("Falafel" fart) That's Middle Eastern to me!
2. ("panini" fart) Extra-cheesy laughter is my thing!
3. ("Clam chowder" fart) What a seaworthy poot!
4. ("Rhubarb" fart) Doggone it, that was a real rhubarb stinker!
5. ("rutabaga" fart) Darn it, that was a rutabaga stinker!
6. ("radish" fart) Crisply entertaining!
7. ("Parsnip" fart) Enjoy the root of all my flatulence!
8. ("Turnip" fart) Let's TURNIP the fun of farts!
9. ("party noisemaker" fart) I'm the life of the FARTY!
10. ("clicking mouse" fart) Why have a computer when you can have a Toot Machine?
11. ("wind-chiming" fart) I'm here tooting a windy masterpiece; how sweet!
12. ("squeaking door" fart) Who left the gas pipe on?
13. ("Honking car horn" fart) Ride with me in my Fartmobile!
14. ("whistling kettle" fart) Hot japes are my speciality!
15. ("drumroll" fart) Let the zaniness commence!
16. ("boingy spring" fart) Laughs are bouncing and springing up around here!
17. ("stampeding herd" fart) Join the stampeding comedy herd!
18. ("drippy faucet" fart) I, myself, am dripping with hilarity!
19. ("whirring fan" fart) Breezing on my 'cause my butt's saying "hi!"
20. ("creaking floorboard" fart) Caution: laughter lurks underneath!
21. ("barking dog" fart) I'm always going to make you howl with laughter!
22. ("Squeaky swingset" fart) Just swinging into the most fun world ever: the world of comedy!
23. ("teeter totter" fart) Just see-sawing my way into your heart with a fart!
24. ("Playground slide" fart) Whee, what a fun fart!
25. ("Carousel calliope" fart) Hop on board the methane merry go round!
26. ("popcorn pop" fart) I'm going to make you burst with laughter!
27. ("bacon sizzle" fart) Sizzle, smile and laugh with my bacon toot!
28. ("ticking clock" fart) Time flies when you're having fun with farts!
29. ("Crackling bonfire" fart) Warm and toasty at the same time!
30. ("buzzing bee" fart) Beware of the smelly sting!
31. ("Smoothie" fart) A healthy refresher complete with mirth!
32. ("Tuna melt" fart) What a treat, complete from my seat!
33. ("Rocking chair" fart) Rock away boredom with my toots!
34. ("Fireworks" fart) That booming bottom bang was explosive!
35. ("alarm clock" fart) Get up and ready to go, it's a farting day today!
36. ("rollercoaster" fart) Hang on, smile and laugh-enjoy the ride of my butt wind!
37. ("bubbly hot tub" fart) Soak up the smirks and snickers of my butt bombs!
38. ("accordion" fart) I'm just squeezing out the sadness 'cause happiness is a tuneful toot!
39. ("garlic" fart) That's a true stinker-phewwww!
40. ("barking seal" fart) Bark away the boredom with my really SEAL-y seal toots!
41. ("Chirpy bird" fart) What a sweet tweet coming out of my seat!
42. ("Squeaking cart" fart) Down the comedy aisle I go!
43. ("Spicy taco" fart) Hotly spicy stuff!
44. ("Trumpet" fart) Why have a fanfare when you can have my trusty bottom?
45. ("jet engine" fart) Buckle up for belly laughing fun!
46. ("purring cat" fart) I'm FELINE fine with a smile and a laugh!
47. ("parakeet call" fart) Fine-feathered and squawky all over!
48. ("Squirrel scurry" fart) Really nutty, I truly enjoy it!
49. ("Howling wolf" fart) Comically ferocious!
50. ("whack a mole" fart) I hope that my farts don't leave anybody feeling aBASHED!
51. ("Assorted Berries" fart) Sweetly fruity and so much FUN!!
52. ("Assorted vegetables" fart) That's got a ton of goodness and greenery!
53. ("Assorted fruits" fart) Hilariously juicy, I really enjoy it!
54. ("Ripping paper" fart) That'll make you tear up laughing!
55. ("Sharpening pencil" fart) Sharply silly, just the way I like it!
56. ("saxophone" fart) My jazzy poots will blow away the blues!
57. ("trombone" fart) Woohoo, I'm sliding into happiness!
58. ("Lion's roar" fart) Comically untamed, I love it!
59. ("Hooting owl" fart) Wisely comical, even at bedtime!
60. ("slithering snake" fart) Don't be afraid of my hissing heiney!
61. ("ruler snap" fart) Short, snappy and to the point, just the way I love it!
62. ("Chalkboard" fart) What a clever keister I've got!
63. ("Burger" fart) Grilled to perfection, courtesy of my pooting posterior!
64. ("Pizza" fart) Slicing away sadness is my talent!
65. ("ice cream" fart) I scream, you scream, we all scream for wind!
66. ("dinging elevator" fart) Going UP with joy and DOWN with sorrow!
67. ("Bagpipes" fart) Just skipping along to a jig played by my bottom!
68. ("Zheng" fart) What a stringy oriental delight!
69. ("Slide whistle" fart) Slipping and sliding into cheerfulness is what I really love to do!
70. ("Irish tin whistle" fart) What a lucky day to poot!
71. ("ukulele" fart) I'm just strumming the doldrums out!
72. ("violin" fart) Just fiddling around with this really stringy fart!
73. ("clarinet" fart) An improvisational serenade for you, complete with swinging syncopations courtesy of my farting butt!
74. ("cornet" fart) Mirthfully bottom-trumpeting my way into your heart!
75. ("Bugle" fart) Just blowing out a call with my keister!
76. ("xylophone" fart) Just ringing away the bad vibes with a merry melody from my tooting tushy!
77. ("Glockenspiel" fart) Ringing in joy is what I do with this comical symphony!
78. ("Timpani" fart) Kettle-drumming away the boredom and bringing in fun is what I'm doing best!
79. ("cajon" fart) That's a happy tapper from my tooting tush!
80. ("Guiro" fart) What a percussive scrape from my famous farting bum!
81. ("Zither" fart) Plucking away the boredom blues is what I'm doin'!
82. ("Koto" fart) I'm strumming away with my seat!
83. ("dulcimer" fart) Hammer in the gladness, courtesy of my windbreaking heiney!
84. ("saw" fart) No splinters of sadness here, just toots of fun!
85. ("dental drill" fart) Just open wide and say HAH, the comedy doctor's in!
86. ("sports whistle" fart) Let the games of silliness commence!
87. ("shaking pompoms" fart) Rah, rah flatulence!
88. ("dribbling basketball" fart) Shooting for the stars all because of my farts!