Probably Bad 16 – Magical Bucket List, Raccoon Orgy and Actual Advice

(22nd July 2020)

Nick

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Opening theme

Mod pencil

Hello and welcome to the probably bad podcast, a podcast which is definitely bad. I’m Pencil.

Paper

I’m paper. Today’s probably bad RPG idea is… A benjamin button style campaign where your characters level in reverse, startingh at 20 then going to level 1. This was submitted by Bari-Sax-Bisexual.

MOD PENCIL

There’s a few variants of this idea. I definitely think there’s ways to the obvious one is a curse or illness or something, where your characters’ powers get slowly weaker and you have to defeat whatevr it is until you lose all your powers before you’re unable to fight.

PAPER

Yeah there’s a point where any physical fight with the big bad is going to become a problem. I like that time limit – and we talked about time limits previously.

MOD PENCIL

Yeas in the last episode of our amazing podcast.

PAPER

There’s also the idea if there’s something you can’t fight it’s more supernatural, the idea of it’s probably draining everyone not just the party and they’ve sent in the strongest people they can find, and you’ll probably be the last people alive if you leave it too long so there’s actually some very significant stakes in this.

MOD PENCIL

This could work quite well as a cosmic horror game – you start off as the most powerful beings on the planet, then it turns out even you’re insignificant and everything in the world is slowly withering away. It’s one of the better ways to do cosmic horror in a game that has really powerful characters.

PAPER

You do get at a certain point it’s kind of well the only person left to fight who’s an actual challenge is an actual god. This would be a good way to take a 1-20 campaign further – you made it to 20 and now something’s happening. The best thing is when you defeat it you can built the levels back up again infinite campaign.

MOD PENCIL

The campaign’s been going on for 35 years, it’s been level 10 to level 20 to level 1 to level 20.

PAPER

I mean I’d play it.

MOD PENCIL

The World of Darkness game Mummy’s Curse does do something like this, as a mechanic. You start off with endgame levels then slowly lose some of your powers until you can only sort of exist in a world a certain amount of time. I’m not sure how playable this is as a game but there’s something in that.

PAPER

And there’s definitely curses and disease in D&D, like if we’re talking level 20 and 1 we can assume D&D. There are things that can reduce your level, and at the very least reduce your ability scores cause there’s also the idea of it doesn’t actually reduce your level but your ability scores reduce so much that you have these abilities you gained over time you’re just really bad at them. Oh I’m going to cast this 6th level spell what’s your spell save DC:? 8

MOD PENCIL

That would be particularly badly for a barbarian – things level good, but their strength is 8..

PAPER

Oh god. Apologies if you can hear my neighbours gardening, a sunday afternoon is a good time for gardening, but it’s bad for me specifically.

MOD PENCIL

None of our neighbours specifically base their lives around our podcast which I think is exceptionally rude.

PAPER

It’s inconsiderate we should reduce their levels.

MOD PENCIL

Each time you make noise on a podcast you lose a level. Yeah the other sort of ide ai was thinking of fro this was you sort of have the trope in a lot of fantasy of magic fades away and like the last days of the magical world, this sort of worked for kind of a more tragic thing, magic fades away, what do you do in the last few months of the magical world?

PAPER

Like a magical bucket list.

MOD PENCIL

Yeah there’s only so much of the magical bucket list you can do before it goes.

PAPER

I like this – but how about this – everyone can do magic but they have a set amount. Kinda like the theory that used to be a thing oh you have a set number of heartbeats everyone has a set amount of magical ability for some it’s not a lot they use it up doing pranks when they’re five, but it’s limited and for others it’s like they’re a sorcerer and all the characters are at their limit or reaching their limit.

MOD PENCIL

One thing I like about that is it kinda justifies spell slots which don’t make a lot of sense otherwise.

PAPER

I’ve always seen that as there’s only so much you can do in a day physically your muscles complain, cause i’ve always liked the idea of introducing the idea of some magical exhaustion mechanic.

MOD PENCIL

Maybe your spells get less and less powerful the more you use them. Anyway back to there’s only a finite amount of magic. I do like that a lot it’s like you only have- especially if everyone’s a magic user, instead of strictly speaking they lose levels have a finite level of spell slots, like only this many 8th level slots this campaign.

PAPER

I was thinking more along the lines of you have 100 points a cantrip costs says like a quarter of a point, an 8th level costs 9 points, when you’ve used those points, that’s it.

MOD PENCIL

I like this as a one shot. if like you’ve nearly used all your magic and a dangerous threat arises and you need to take it down using your last few spells.

PAPER

You could boost it with magical items and stuff but they would have to be limited by necessity.

MOD PENCIL

I like the idea of some kind of ability of draining other peoples’ magical energies into your own. Would make sense in universe.

PAPER

Magical vampires.

MOD PENCIL

Also a temptation to the players, you can get s bit more power by drinking this guy’s magic. It’s also the normal experience thing you kill this guy and get more powerful.

PAPER

Except you can also do this consensually – this guy’s got a lot of magic left in him he’s not gonna use it, he’s not got the skills, see if you can get him to give it.

MOD PENCIL

I’m just imagining the wise old mentor who should be wise enough to resolve this issue, you jump him and steal all their magic. If you’re not going to go out and fight the big bad yourself we’re going to go out and fight with your magic.

PAPER

Draining all DM PCs.

MOD PENCIL

All the DMPCs just being drained.

PAPER

The DM standing for Dank Magic. Obviously. This is turning into something I want to play.

MOD PENCIL

So yeah it’s just you can have a magical creatures who have a relatively long lifespan yeah a magical creature who could live forever or burn itself out using its powers in a few weeks cause it needs the magic to live.

PAPER

I really love that caused there’s the whole thing in harry potter of like if you drink the unicorn’s blood this is just drinking a unicorn’s magic, can you sneak up ion it and take its magic.

MOD PENCIL

Just drink the unicorn.

PAPER

As a meat smoothie?

MOD PENCIL

Yeah I feel it needs determining whether you steal magic with a kiss or putting them in a blender and drinking them.

PAPER

How do you think you make mana potions you blend a wizard down to liquid then distil it into a fine gin.

MOD PENCIL

Blend a wizard you get a mana potion – blend a barbarian you get a health potion and I don’t know who you blend to get a stamina potion.

PAPER

The bard obviously.

MOD PENCIL

There you go I hope you enjoy this terrible system.

PAPER

On that note we’re going to do some plugs then answer some questions.

Plugs

PAPER

Our first question comes from mezreal. I’m doing 12 raccoons in a suit of armour as a questgiver what’s the best way to make it as probably terrible as possible?

MOD PENCIL

I feel like the point at which you have 12 raccoons in a suit of armour and a trench coat, but as a quest giver

PAPER

The trench coat is a questgiver.

MOD PENCIL

I would put in no effort to hide it whatsoever they don’t speak common they just chitter or whatever noise they make, sort of occasionally crawling out and steal the person’s rations that kind of thing. You just get quests on a poorly written note and it goes back in the armour. OR give no indication beforehand, the character’s sophisticated and urbane until the final scene where they laugh hysterically and take off their helmet and a dozen raccoons come out chittering you’ve been fooled.

PAPER

In order to answer this question I read up on raccoons. Raccoon breeding season is when the days get longer. You meet the character before the winter solstice and they’re witty and on the ball. Meet them after and they’re DOWN TO FUCK.

MOD PENCIL

This tiny NPC rolls to seduce you.

PAPER

Either that or you turn up and there are interesting noises coming from that suit of armour.

MOD PENCIL

Have one racoon who is talking to you, 11 raccoons that are banging.

PAPER

Just a full on racoon orgy with metallic echo.

MOD PENCIL

Find a sound effect for that then play it during all their interactions.

PAPER

Nick I have an editing task for you make that sound and insert that here.

RACOON ORGY NOISE.

PAPER

I hope that’s terrible enough for you.

MOD PENCIL

I’m not sure I can top raccoon orgy.

PAPER

You don’t have to be the top!

Question music.

PAPER

The next question is from derpravener. How do you feel about homebrew being brought into a campaign that’s otherwise official content?

MOD PENCIL

Obviously depends a lot on the homebrew is the boring answer.

PAPER

Yeah but as long as the DM checked over it and thinks it’s pretty balanced.

MOD PENCIL

Obviously you don’t want to play too many games drunk but if it’s a bit of homebrew it’s OK.

PAPER

Especially a really hoppy one I like the smell of that gets you in an aley mood.

MOD PENCIL

Ask your players if they’re ok with people drinking during the game otherwise I don’t see an issue.

Question music.

PAPER

The last question is anon, any tips of steps for building a city? I choose to assume you mean in the game and not like make sure you get planning permission.

MOD PENCIL

Apologies if you tried to send this to an architectural blog or podcast and it was a terrible misunderstanding.

PAPER

I think the first step is to figure out this is very much with my archaeologist hat on but why a settlement there? Cause I think less so in the US it’s we put a city where we damn well please but certainly in most of the world it’s about this is a good spot because it has water or good farmland or it’s religiously significant you need to think about the history and how that place would evolve.

MOD PENCIL

I have a different approach.

PAPER

I’m sorry if that’s a good answer.

MOD PENCIL

I have a different approach – what does this city add to the setting cause you have a lot of cities that have the archetype of the dangerous kind of city or the city which is a big wealthy powerful city and I think the problem with RPG settings they have a lot of cities and nations all of which are incredibly boring so what makes this city unique and what makes this city special.

PAPER

I might start there rather than my thing, what do you want out of it then how did it come to be?

MOD PENCIL

Especially in a fantasy setting where things can be very symbolic and metaphysical and magical and what have you. I think generally if imagine when you tell your players when you arrive you look up and then you see – if you don’t have a compelling image for that you need to go back to the drawing board. I think we’ve given two possible good answer very off brand.

PAPER

We’ll just have to insert the raccoon noise again here.

Raccoon noise.

MOD PENCIL

Bad answer raccoon orgy.

PAPER

Start with the raccoon orgy and go from there – what are the historical events that led to the racoon orgy.

MOD PENCIL

I don’t have paper’s archaeology degree. I’m going to assume most cities were based around the local raccoons.

PAPER

Ok raccoons like to wash their food therefore being near a water source is important cities outside of the united states at least tend to be built around water sources therefore we cannot definitely prove raccoons weren’t involved in town planning.

MOD PENCIL

Three questions you need to answer why was it built here what does it add to the campaign three how close is this city to a horny raccoon i hope that answers your question.

PAPER

That was probably bad podcast, if you want to ask questions or give us feedback, let us know on probablybadrpgideas.tumblr.com, or support us on patreon to get gaming homebrew, access to a discord server and bonus episodes. Remember you can leave a rating or review or wherever you listen to the show.

Both

And remember to have a probably bad day.

Closing theme, exit pursued by horny raccoons.