Fast X (GAM405)

### Starring:

Vin Diesel, Michelle Rodriguez, Tyrese Gibson, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, John Cena, Nathalie Emmanuel, Jordana Brewster, Sung Kang, Scott Eastwood, Daniela Melchior, Alan Ritchson, Helen Mirren, Brie Larson, Rita Moreno, Jason Statham, Jason Momoa, Charlize Theron

### Production Company:

Universal Pictures, Original Film, One Race Films, Roth/Kirschenbaum Films, Perfect Storm Entertainment

## Hosts

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

### Special Guest

Rachel Wax, Moishe Steinstein

***Fast X*** is the story of a ragtag group of actors who have never spoken the English language, and are doing the same movie for the tenth or eleventh time.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we watch another terrible movie so you don't have to… except for those times when we find a cinematic masterpiece. [And Noah is away.]

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you like the Fast and the Furious movies, but you wish the movies included more pop quizzes about previous cast members, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Rachel: …very clear Vin Diesel voice overs. [Full Stallone.]
* Heath: …best best Jason Mamoa wardrobe. [He steals the show.]
* Heath: …best best this *is* a Christian fucking movie. [Possibly the most Christian of GAM movies.]
* Eli: …reasons for fighting. [This would be a good time for the movie.]
* Moishe: …henchmen. [Putty Patrol from Power Rangers.]
* Moishe: …Punit Square. [Drawn by Escher.]

### **Notes**

* Check out Rachel on her website, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and The Bash.
* Check out Moishe nowhere, because like Secret Agent Emes and James Bond, he's a secret agent.
* The PiaT crew has previously reviewed *F9: The Fast Saga* and *Fast 5* as Patron secular bonus episodes, of which there are now eighty! This particular masterpiece was watched in-theater on preview night, 18 May 2023.

### **Jokes**

* [Eli: This movie was written… through a pitch session for other movies.] [Rachel: Aaa! Yes!] [Eli: Vin Diesel was in the room, pretending to be a chair, and everyone was like, " That bean bag chair looks totally normal for a bean bag chair." They were pitching other movies. They were like, "Here's a buddy comedy movie, here's a road movie between a father and son, here's a prison break movie…" And at the end of it, Vin Diesel stood up, and he was like, "You're hired." That's the only way that I can—] m[Rachel: \*laughs\*] [Eli: That's the only way that I can—] [Heath: That sounds accurate.] [Rachel: That's perfect.] [Eli: Can agree to this. Okay.]

### **Interstitials**

* We're Out of Plots (11:19)
* These Movie May No Longer Be as Accessible as They Once Were (38:08)
* Secret Evil Meeting of Entertainment Leaders(1:10:23)
* Outtakes (Jason, Stop Texting) (1:44:48) [Post Credits]

### **Animal House Close**

* Rachel: ChatGPT went on to write every future movie starring Vin Diesel.
* Heath: This franchise already has over six *billion* dollars in total box office.
* Eli: None of the people who died in this movie stayed dead; except for that guy in the race—he's probably still dead.
* Moishe: Forty years from now, Paul Walker is still in these movies, CGI'd over the face of his great great grandniece.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Trailer on YouTube
* IMDb

### **Ad Reads**

* Better Help: Assigned Therapists at Birth in a Secret Midnight Ceremony (1:46:04)