332: Who Is Manure Again?

## Summary

Arriving in the coastal town of Trent, the party finds the majority of the townsfolk have congregated in the town square, where a sombre funeral procession is taking place. Raphina questions a local and discovers that the deceased is the cruise ship captain's pet ferret, Chloe, who died in a freak accident, having fallen from the top deck of the huge ship.

*KT's secrets hidden here...*

Elsewhere, Will blends in with the crowd and receives a mysterious *Message* from someone claiming to be Altiyde's valet.

## Synopsis

The party get going on the road again. Lachrymose pulls the cart of stolen goods, which they're hoping to return to it's owner, Mr Millings, the presumed proprietor of *"Millings Goods & Sundry"*. Privately, they're all wondering how the plan to fake Batthwack's death will work. Will he have to play dead in a box while they sail all the way to Gully's End? Will it be too suspicious if they disguise Batthwack and suddenly there's a new member of the party exactly the same size and shape as him? Will also wonders about how Zantras and Juliette are getting their information. Are they spying on the party magically, like with a *Scrying* spell? Will hopes that once they get to Trent and see what's going on, they'll be able to find somewhere quiet to sit down and finalise the plan.

   The Rutabago crests a hill and Trent itself comes into view. It's a small coastal town on the Dusquene Bay, the Natrine River cutting through the town on its way to the sea. Moored at the bay, and somewhat dominating the view, is a massive, multi-tiered, white ship, festooned with black bunting. The Bleeker family are relocated onto the cart for the last stretch of road into town, allowing the others to talk more freely inside the Rutabago. Will suggests that they try and integrate themselves a little with the locals, and let them get to know Batthwack before his fake death. Hopefully that way, more of a buzz will be created and news will naturally spread to Zantras and Juliette. Raphina suggests visiting the local library for help.
As they drive into town, Rosco honks the Rutabago's horn, which calls out cheerily, *"Aruuuuugula!"* Mortified, Will ducks out of view as a few heads turn and look their way. When they get close enough to see, it actually seems that most of the town's population have congregated in the town square. Everyone is dressed in dark colours. *"It's probably to do with the big old death ship,"* says Will, noting the black bunting and recalling what they'd been told about someone close the captain having died. As they pull into town, a large funeral procession is forming as the townsfolk file out of the town square, the route lined with more black bunting. At the head of the procession is a large, beefy human man with dark black hair and mutton chops, carrying a small, 3-foot coffin.

   Everyone gets out of the Rutabago and Rosco shrinks it down to necklace size. The Bleeker family are looking around and wondering where to go. Will emerges magically disguised as someone else and then immediately disappears into the crowd to try and blend in, desperate to disassociate himself from the Rutabago. Raphina approaches someone on the periphery of the crowd (a man named Robert as it happens), learning that the deceased is actually the captain's pet ferret, Chloe, who died in a terrible accident having fallen from the very top deck of the boat. Raphina accidentally implies that this is a bit suspicious and says *"We've solved some mysteries in the past, not to toot our own horn,"* and hands over her "card" (a leaf with her name written on it). Rosco takes off his hat respectfully and Raphina offers her condolences, throwing in a few ululations for good measure.
Elsewhere in the crowd, Will tries his best to look like a local and blend in. He's listening to the conversations around him for clues about the captain or any other details that he can glean. People seem genuinely invested in the occasion; as if they want to be there. One thing he notices is that a few people seem to have spotted Batthwack and are whispering and pointing at him. He's still riding Steed and hanging back a little from the others, near Millings' cart. Will nudges a random person (Carmella) who seems pretty excited to see Batthwack. Will tries to find out why they're so interested, and she says *"We don't get many half-orcs here, so I mean, it's probably* him*."* Will gets the impression that this lady is actually perceiving something different to him. When she says that Batthwack's skin isn't scaly, it seems that she is actually seeing Batthwack as a half-orc. Will moves away and changes his appearance again to hassle more bystanders. A teenage boy also says that Batthwack is a half-orc.

*KT's secret section is hidden here...*

Suddenly a voice in Will's head says, *"Sir, are you King Batthwack's valet?"* Will looks around, but can't find the source of the *Message*. He replies, with all the authority he can muster, *"Who is this?"* Another *Message* comes in response, *"I'm Altiyde's valet. I'm sure you don't believe me, but you can tell the king, he'll know it's me. Give him this word. The word is 'Renaissance.' He'll know."*

## Quotes

* Adam: *"I do want to say that in Rosco's defence, there was a 'honk if you're horny' bumper sticker on that Millings wagon. And that's... we're gonna have to talk to them about that because that's inappropriate. And Rosco was horny!"* Eric: *"Yeah, he couldn't help it. They pulled in front of him right as you got near the procession. We live in a society..."* Abby: *"Horn if you're honky."*

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Abby. The players are discussing how the party might discuss their secret plan without anyone else listening in. Adam: *"I think we develop a very confusing, meta disguise story that we can talk about in front of them, but it's just code for planning what we're going to do with Batthwack. It's like, 'So when we get to Trent and start a* farm *what are we going to do with that* scarecrow*?' And it's just getting increasingly complicated."* KT: *"And then we all have no idea what the plan is. We're all like, 'Wait a minute. What did you think 'pig hoof' meant?'"* Abby: *"Who is 'manure' again??"* Eric: *"It's Will."*
* BattleBots! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BattleBots
* KT mentions Weird Al's famous song parodies before their own recap parody (*Amish Paradise* is referred to) and Eric mentions a couple of Weird Al's original songs (*The Night Santa Went Crazy* and *One More Minute*)... however, the song *Albuquerque* was later suggested over on the PFD Discord by long-term PFD fan and utter legend *Kelly From NJ* as a good example of Weird Al's original songs. Eric then demonstrated his Weird Al super-fan chops with this AMAZING reaction video. Check it out!
* Woman takes kids to "family" art exhibit: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGeJwUFPE/
* Duquesne University is named for an 18th-century governor of New France, Michel-Ange Duquesne de Menneville: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michel-Ange\_Duquesne\_de\_Menneville
* For all you LOTR nerds out there... Lembas bread was wrapped in mallorn leaves, the species of large tree found in Lórien: https://lotr.fandom.com/wiki/Lembas#Description

## Recap Song

*Main article: The Music of Pork Fried Dice*
This episode featured KT doing a recap to the tune of *Let Me Go* by Cake:

*[Verse 1]*

As we drive Raphina talks

With the Bleeker fam

Gloria's husband's got a job

As a ferry man

*[pre-Chorus]*

But so quickly it's perceptible

That we're crammed inside a vegetable

The occupancy is lamentable

But a flat tire is preventable

*[Chorus]*

"Suncoco," he said, "I'm Rosco," he said

"Here we go to the tire filling hippo

Suncoco, that's C-S-U-N-

C-O-C-O, that's a silent C," Oh!

*[Instrumental Break]*

I should remember some things. Other things that I couldn't fit into the lyrics, like Raphina pulled a doughnut out of her hair. That was amazing! Batthwack bought some apples at the gas station we stopped at. Someone close to the captain of the Great Cruise Ship of Trent died and Will put a canoe paddle in his coat pocket to make Batthwack laugh and Batthwack didn't get it. D&D really is magical, you guys!

*[Verse 2]*

We don't know what's happening in Trent

Despite our NPC grilling

We crossed paths with a wagon full of goods

And Mr. Milling

*[pre-Chorus]*

But soon to the wagoneer's grief

We realised that he is a thief

We let him go. Are we fools?

No, we'd just rather work on the rules

*[Chorus]*

For the Rutabago, Can we spit? No!

Finger lick? No! And also no to fish

"Let me go," he said, "Okay, go," we said

And you should know that he was Runcible Jones

We let him go, hey, onward ho!

To Trent we go, mm mm mm

Can we spit? No! Finger lick? No!

Eat a fish? No! Mm mm mm

This was a half-assed recap, I didn't even know

If I was gonna do it, but then Eric said I should do it

Because I had mostly written it, except for this part where he says "Let me go" 100 times

Didn't write anything for here

...

Who knows what's gonna happen now?

How's Batthwack gonna fake die? Hm?

## Gallery

*Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice*

## References

1. ↑ Will picked up his *Scroll of Scrying* at the Abbey of Saint Markovia. See episode 76: Snickerdoodle
2. ↑ The sound discussed when Rudy made their first appearance was, *"A-ruuuuutabaga!"* See episode 316: God Say What? Rudy is obviously capable of producing more than one horn sound, which Adam pointed out over on the PFD Discord. Or did Adam just make an excuse to shoe-horn in another excellent vegetable pun?