The Road Trip From Hell

(Saturday, June 14th, 2008, 809 Hearst-Vallias Lane, San Marino, California, Ryan Schwartz is having an conversation with his older brother, Frankie and Ryan’s girlfriend, Samantha Feldman)

**Frankie**: *Samantha, do you remember when we went on a roadtrip to both Sioux Falls, South Dakota and Westview City, Ohio?*

**Both Ryan and Samantha** (sigh): *Yes, unfortunately.*

(flashback to June 18th, 2003, when Ryan was a junior at San Marino High, Ryan talked to his parents about going to Sioux Falls with Patrick Morrison (one of his friends), Jason Garett, Tyler Jones and Samantha Feldman and they agreed to one condition: Either Leonard, James, Anthony or Frankie have to come with him. Ryan starts calling Leonard if he can drive him)

**Leonard**: *Sorry, Ryan. I have to mop the floors of your high school.*

(Ryan knew that James had just moved to San Diego, so he walked up to Anthony in his dorm room and asked him if he could come with him)

**Ryan**: *Tony, can you come with me, Samantha, and Patrick to Sioux Falls?*

**Anthony**: *Only if Goat and Frankie are willing to go with us.*

**Goat**: (butting in) *I always wanted to go to Sioux Falls!*

(Ryan goes up to Frankie’s apartment and asks him to go with)

**Ryan**: *Frankie, since Anthony told me he’s willing to go with me as long you and Goat are willing to go, can you drive us to Sioux Falls?*

**Frankie**: (with a slight Texan accent) *Why, yes ah can!*

(Ryan tells Frankie that there’s not enough room for the eight of them for either of their cars, so they go to a car dealership that sells cars for low amounts of money)

**Frankie**: (looking at a 4 seater) *Not enough room…* (looks at a Ferrari) *Too expensive…*(Then looks at a minivan with 8 seats) ***PERFECT!** It may look like shit, but it’s good enough for us!*

**Ryan**: *How much gas mileage does it have?*

**Car Dealership Man**: *It takes 35 miles per gallon, and it can contain 8 gallons at max.*

**Ryan**: (frustrated) *Seriously, Frankie? Why did you rent an lemon for our road trip?!*

**Frankie**: *Well, it was the only minivan with enough room for 8 people.*

(Frankie gets in the minivan, and starts driving it to his house when he notices the gas tank is 23% full. He drives the car to a gas station and fuels it up, and then drives back to Ryan’s house. When Frankie drives into the parking lot, Ryan starts packing his clothes in two suitcases and starts loading them in the trunk, when Frankie puts three cases of beer in the trunk. Ryan then notices Jason bringing an suitcase full of clothes and notices Victor Benson walking up to them)

**Frankie**: *Vic, What the hell are you doing here?*

**Victor**: *If Jason and Tyler are coming with you on this trip, I’m coming with you as well.*

**Ryan**: Sorry, Vic, But there’s no room for you in the minivan.

**Victor**: *When I want to go with you, **I GET TO GO WITH YOU AND YOU HAVE NO FUCKING SAY IN THIS.***

(Anthony, Samantha, Goat, Tyler and Patrick walk to the car, put their suitcases in the trunk and get inside. Victor and Pig sit in the back seats, Frankie sits in the driver’s seat, Samantha sits in the front passenger seat, Ryan, Jason and Goat sit in the middle passenger seats, and Anthony and Tyler sit between Victor and Patrick)

**Tyler**: *Who the fuck let YOU in!?*

**Victor**: *I just strong-armed my way in.*

**Tyler**: *There’s not enough room for the four of us!*

(The car starts moving and is headed for the highway towards Denver, Colorado)