Dear Diary...

**Dear Diary...** is the first episode of the first season of *I Am Not Okay with This*. It aired on February 26th, 2020.

## Synopsis

When her best friend (and secret crush) hooks up with a crude jock, Syd seethes with anger ... and her feelings boil over in startling ways.

## Plot

At a dark night sky, a girl with a dress drenched with blood walks through an empty street with a face of shock. She held onto her war necklace. Her voiceover narrates a passage she has written in her diary, "Dear Diary....go f\*\*k yourself".

The episode cuts to the past, the gloomy girl walks out of her school bus and walks into the school. The voiceover introduces herself to the diary: Her name is Sydney "Syd" Novak, she's 17 years old, and she has a "boring" life. She moved into a rural town of Pennsylvania 2 years ago with her family. Her family has moved into many places.

Syd is sent to counsellor, Ms. Cappriotti, for the fact that she keeps losing her temper, due to certain emotions over the suicide of her father 1 year ago. Ms. Cappriotti gives her a diary that she would need to write in, stating her feelings and actions for the next couple of days. Syd asks why she couldn't simply use her phone, Ms. Cappriotti calmly responds that the diary would be more therapeutic.

In science class, Mr. File teaches advance lessons on sexual intercourse, which prompts a popular jock, Bradley "Brad" Lewis, to tell a joke that makes the whole class laugh, except Syd, who despises him. She spends the rest of the day with her best friend, Dina. Her voiceover states that Dina was her first friend, who's also her secret crush. The two of them moved into town at around the same time. Dina was there to support Syd when her dad died.

They went to Fiddle's Diner, a diner that Syd's mother works at as a chef. Dina tells her that she is dating Brad, going with him to homecoming, and that they already had sex. Despite Dina describing Brad as a nice guy, Syd believes that he's just attracted to her appearance. When Brad comes to the diner and sits next to Dina, Syd is mentally disgusted by their relationship. When Dina leaves to order food, Brad attempts to make conversation with Syd, and is amused by her angry expression. When Dina returns, Syd's anger boils, and accidentally makes Brad's nose bleed through telepathy.

While walking back home, she tries to convince herself to be okay with Dina and Brad's relationship. She comes across her quirky teenage neighbour, Stanley "Stan" Barber, who she describes as a "master of zero f\*\*ks". They both walk back to the Novak house together, with Stan not wearing shoes. He invites her to come to his house to hangout, listen to a band named "Bloodwitch" (a name that Syd calls terrible), and get high on marijuana.

At home, Syd is shown to have a sour relationship with her mom, Maggie Miller, contrast to their relationship before her dad's death. She sarcastically thanks her mom for saying that she needs to take extra time in work. Maggie asks her if she has seen her stockings, which causes Syd to reply that she washed them while they were drying. Maggie leaves and instructs Syd to watch over her little brother, Liam. Syd has a positive relationship with Liam, as they sit and talk about working hard. Syd makes a joke that one day Liam will work hard enough to pay for her funeral, further showing her gloom.

Liam shows her a drawing of an armour he thinks he can use to protect himself against a young bully named Richard Rynard. After shopping, Syd and Liam sit outside the store, and Syd starts joking around how she would murder Richard. In her bathroom, she finds some zits on her thighs and gets annoyed by the dripping of water from the bathtub tap, which provokes her to use her powers to stop the dripping. She believes it to be puberty.

At night, Stan sends Syd a Bloodwitch song that she lightly danced off to. Sometimes during bedtime, Syd wants to touch herself but she can't put her mind to it. So she goes downstairs to watch some TV while eating peanut butter. Maggie sits next to her after a drink of wine. They haven't talked about Syd's dad eversince his death, it's something that they're all afraid to talk about, trying to avoid the sorrow. Syd tells Maggie that sometimes she feels like that the people she loves don't love her back, and Maggie coldly responds "Maybe your aiming to high".

Stricken by those words, Syd runs back to her room and slides against the wall, pondering that her dad would've understood. She starts painfully thinking about multiple insecurities at once: why he would've killed himself, the fact that Dina is dating Brad, and why does she feel like she's boiling inside. These insecurities cause her to telekinetically crack the wall behind her.

## Cast and Crew

### Starring

* Sophia Lillis as Sydney
* Wyatt Oleff as Stanley Barber
* Sofia Bryant as Dina
* Kathleen Rose Perkins as Maggie

### Guest Starring

* Richard Ellis as Brad Lewis
* Aidan Wojtak-Hissong as Liam Novak
* Patricia Scanlon as Ms. Cappriotti
* David Theune as Mr. File
* Zachary S. Williams as Ricky Berry

### Crew

* Jonathan Entwistle (Director / Writer / Executive Producer)
* Christy Hall (Writer / Executive Producer)
* Shawn Levy (Executive Producer)
* Dan Cohen (Executive Producer)
* Dan Levine (Executive Producer)
* Josh Barry (Executive Producer)

## Gallery

### Images

* Screencaps
* Behind the Scenes