Episode 1: The Bane of Rudyard

## Synopsis

It's the worst day of Rudyard's life when new competitor Eric Chapman arrives on Piffling and becomes an immediate sensation.

## Characters

* Rudyard Funn
* Antigone Funn
* Eric Chapman
* Georgie Crusoe
* Madeleine
* Desmond Desmond
* Nigel Wavering
* Marjorie
* Bill
* Tanya
* Jerry

## Plot

On the island of Piffling, in the village of Piffling Vale, Rudyard Funn, the proprietor of Funn Funerals which is the only funeral home in Piffling,  is conducting the funeral of Stanley Carmichael. Mr. Carmichael was the owner of the antique shop across from Funn Funerals and died from being crushed by a granite sundial. The Reverend Nigel Wavering’s eulogy was cut short because the funeral was behind schedule which led to a fight between the mourners. In the midst of the madness, Georgie Crusoe, the Funn Funerals’s assistant, put the coffin in the grave. After the funeral, the two return to Funn Funerals and Rudyard receives a call that Mrs. Carmichael has died in the brawl that happened at the funeral and goes to tell Antigone Funn, the other Funn twin. The two are arguing about the violent end of the funeral, when Eric Chapman enters the premises. After everyone introduces themselves, Eric critiques the funeral that occured and tells them that he will be opening another funeral home, replacing the antique shop, across from Funn Funerals called Chapman’s. The twins discuss Chapman and discuss the consequences of another funeral home being on the island. After seeing how fast Chapman has started setting up his funeral home, they decide to get the mayor to get rid of Chapman’s.

Rudyard arrives at Piffling Hall and is let into the mayor’s office by his assistant Marjorie. The Right and Honorable Mayor Desmond Desmond is sitting under his desk and tells Rudyard about his woes as mayor and decides to try to make piffling a town rather than a village. Ruyard then brings his real agenda and convinces the mayor by saying that if there are two funeral homes there could be two mayors. The two head to Chapman's with the intent to shut it down, but once they arrive they are mesmerized with the renovations that Chapman had made to the old antique shop. The mayor confronts Chapman about doing this without his permission and his two mayors conundrum. Eric reveals that the mayor had signed off on all of Chapman’s weeks ago, that two funeral homes will not lead to two mayors, and would like to help the mayor make Piffling a town.. This causes the mayor to approve of Chapman’s, to Rudyard’s dismay, and the mayor acts more friendly to Chapman after the exchange. Eric offers to give Rudyard some coffee and goes to address the crowd that is forming because he allows advanced booking.

Rudyard heads back across the square to Funn Funerals. After telling Madeleine that he thinks that Chapman’s won’t last long, Antigone confronts him about making friends and what he is doing to help their chances against Chapman’s. Georgie calls to tell Rudyard that Mr Askey, Rudyard’s old PE teacher who Rudyard had been waiting to die for 6 weeks, has died. Rudyard rushes to Mr. Askey’s house where he finds that Chapman is now in charge of the funeral because it was his last wish that Rudyard would not bury him. After this ordeal, Rudyard realizes that he is about to miss Mrs. Carmichael’s funeral and runs to the cemetery. When he arrives at the funeral, he finds that it has ended and is told by the reverend that Eric conducted the funeral, found a lake, and that all of them are going boating on Eric’s boat on the lake. Rudyard congratulates Eric on the funeral, but tells him that this was an exception to most Piffling funerals and the rest of them won’t be like this. Chapman wishes Rudyard a nice evening and walks away leaving a confused Rudyard.