Blasting the fear Turkey

**Blasting the fear turkey**

Disembarking from the ship Luthor Blackreef and his trusty Cannon Princess Betty look around the small township where the streets run red in blood.

“So this is the place?“ -Luthor

“Seems to be, considering the blood everywhere.“ -Betty

“Why exactly do those undead turkeys bleed again? Necromancers from these parts are weird. It feels as if they are intentionally trying to make a mess” -Luthor

“At least their skeletons don't fall apart after a few days, unlike a certain other “Master of the Arcane”.” -Betty

“Oh really? Then who keeps using them to polish themselves all day, I wonder? You went trough four crates of metal-polish in a week!” -Luthor

“That is because I have a sense of bodily hygiene unlike my pirate-cosplaying boss” -Betty

“Alright that is it! No more fancy ammo for at least three jobs and I will no longer let you shoot at seagulls during a voyage.” -Luthor

“Yes, MOM!” -Betty

“Shut it now, there is the guy who hired us.” -Luthor

As they walk towards the now blood-stained marketplace they approach a person dressed in pure crimson lounging on a big chair on top of a mountain of dead turkeys.

Noticing their approach the man put down his what seemed to be a tiki-drink and jumps down the mountain with a big smile on his face.

“Welcome, Welcome. I am sure you're here for the contract, right? So just take a weapon, go over there and show these gobbeldygooks the natural order of things” -Lucra

“Great. Well I brought a cannon for that, which I believe should be adequate for the job.” -Luthor

“Hah, a man after my taste indeed. And here I thought only stuckup paladins and the usual goody-two-shoes adventurer types would come” -Lucra

“Well let's just hope the fun doesn't negatively impact the reward for the job. I assume the turkey-blood is edible?” -Luthor

“It certainly is! What do you think I've been using to make these vacation drinks?” -Lucra

“Good and here I worried about having to take a break from purging. By the way. You didn't perchance go under the name Vlad a few centuries back? Because I could swear you look like my grandfather. Well except the missing beard and the guns.” -Luthor

“Ehrm … no. Look there is a job to be done and the others have already started the purging. So get to it.” -Lucra

“Alright, alright. I'm going. Betty! Time to go on a walk.” -Luthor

Having loaded all of his weapons Luthor goes towards the next quarter of the town where there is smoke rising from several burning buildings.

Reaching a bridge they get spotted by a large group of turkeys and all of them directly charge at them like a tide of hate and feathers.

“Betty hold fire until the last moment I want to get all of them at once.” -Luthor

As the turkeys come into smelling distance to the cannon, a massive roar is being unleashed and turns the tide of turkeys into a fine mist of blood and feathers. What follows the deafening blast is an eerie silence as the blood settles into a small creek that flows down the bridge.

Luthor being barely able to contain his excitement, takes out a large mug, hangs it into the blood stream and empties in one gulp.

His Eyes now glowing bright red, betraying his vampiric ancestry move over to the other side of the bridge where the next wave of turkeys assembles.

“Haaaaaahhh that's the stuff. Betty, how about we drop the pretense today and just go on a bit of a binge?” -Luthor

“And here I was thinking you'd forgotten how to have fun altogether.” -Betty

“Get ready then, the next group has a few mages” -Luthor

Luthor proceeds to snipe the magic wielding turkeys using his railgun, while Betty once again turns the rest of the charging turkey horde into a fine paste that is smeared equally across the cobblestone road.

Heading further towards the smoke a grim picture emerges as turkeys get turned into mist left right and center and the floor becomes slippery from all the blood and entrails.

Continuing along his bloody path the now blood soaked Luthor Blackreef spots a bunch of unusually pale turkeys.

Those turkeys seem more composed than the other ones that just jumped in front of the cannon.

“You will pay for this slaughter.” -Turkeys

“Oh really. And how will you accomplish that? By bleeding on me?” -Luthor

“Rise our fallen brethren take vengeance.” -Turkey necromancers

A large bunch of gore and bones starts to gather into shapes and begins to form into small birdlike skeletons and zombies.

“Attack him!” -Turkey necromancers

“Turkey necromancers … what a fun day. But there is one thing that you guys forgot.” -Luthor

Luthor raises a hand towards the swarm of undead.

“I slept eight hours last night. Turn undead” -Luthor

“How dare you turn our brethren against us? We shall take them back.” -Turkey necromancers

“Fuck you. Those are mine now. Betty!” -Luthor

The cannon once again roars with deadly might and turns the paler turkeys into small red chunks of meat.

“I always wanted my own army. Alright then birds, charge! Kill your own kin! Have no mercy. Haha.” -Luthor

And so a stampede of blood and bones charges further into the township and towards the belltower of the church.

Slowly but surely the Stampede grows in numbers as Luthor raises more and more of the crushed and liquified turkeys into his charge.

The Tsunami of blood, bones, feathers and guts rises like a crescendo onwards with a now maniacally laughing Luthor riding Betty at its helm, until it crashes brutally and abruptly into a invisible wall.

All of the undead birds die instantly and the wave of gore disperses like butter in the sun.

“The hell? Who would sanctify an area around he-...” -Luthor

Not being able to finish his sentence due to an acute case of having a bayonet stuck in his head, the now sobered Luthor pulls it out with a groan.

“Alright firstly that is not how you use a bayonet and secondly who ruins my fun now?” -Luthor

“As yer can see I was aiming for bloody heathens and necromancers and it seems I hit a big one.” -Paladin

“Ah one of those I see. Well then have at thee you zealous prick” -Luthor

“As much as I'd enjoy ripping yer bloody head off. I do indeed have better things to do. For example getting rid of that feathery numbskull that is currently trying to curse that wee church over there.” -Paladin

“And I suppose he barricaded himself in to do that?” -Luthor

“That's right yer undead bastard. So would yer kindly get off yer cannon and be useful for a change.” -Paladin

“I get to destroy a hallowed church and a magic turkey? And here I thought you were no fun at all. Let's go then” -Luthor

Nearing the entrance of the church the paladin and Luthor meet up with the rest of the hired helpers that are currently trying to break down the fortified gate into the church. And get ready for a proper finale.