Biff Bezos

Biff is the beloved janitor of the DougDoug YT Channel. He first appeared as a janitor in the videogame Planet Coaster, a roller coaster tycoon.

## Physical Description

Biff seems to be a middle aged male with blond hair. He has a Walrus moustache, with tufts of hair around his ears and the back of his head, although he is bald on the top of his head. He is light skinned, with possibly western descent, and he is, as stated earlier, likely in his middle age. He appears to have black colored eyes.

## Personal Life

Biff Bezos was born in Kansas. It is theorized that he was the love child of Saul Goodman and the daughter/grandaughter of Jim and the Space Pope, which would mean he was the grandson of Twitch Chat. He was raised by Jeff Bezos in Dougtown, Wyoming. As a young child, he fought for Dougkota in the United States AI Invasion, which residents of Chatlantis refer to as World War II. He then went on to battle Dingus Bobingus himself. Some say he killed him.

## Planet Coaster

Later in life, Biff got a job as a janitor at DougDoug's Planet Coaster theme park. He was verbally abused many times by his employer. He was fired and rehired multiple times. Twitch Chat supported him, though.

## The Grocery Store

Biff later went on to work as a janitor in The Grocery Store, also known as Doug-Mart. He complained heavily about his working conditions, particularly the little to no health benefits that Doug had given. He eventually went on strike, and formed a Trade Union, to demand better working conditions. His union quickly gained a lot of support, and was becoming more influential.

Doug quickly realized that Biff was becoming powerful, and he ordered for him to be assassinated. He hired Twitch chatter Swordman211 to pretend to be lost in Aisle 31. Doug then sent Biff to find the "lost customer", and Swordman then brutally stabbed him.

## The Stab Hole

After Biff was stabbed, he had been relocated to Aisle 13 supposedly temporarily, although he was never transferred to a proper medical facility (likely due to the costs of something like that). When Doug was asked if he would pay Biff's medical bills, Doug very sarcastically said "right yeah", implying he didn't intend to.

Doug then capitalized on Biff's situation by opening up a charity donation bin. Every $3 paid to the store in purchased items (AKA every $3 donation in Text-to-Speech), 1 penny would be donated towards Biff's copay / medical bills. Doug would take the singular pennies and shove them directly into Biff's stab hole.

This meant that only 0.33% of the store's earnings would be paid to Biff's bills. Due to Doug's lack of aid for Biff during his time of poor health, the Trade Union began even more strikes, with heavier demands for health insurance, worker's benefits, and more.

## First Death

Biff later bled out and died of his injuries, on October 10, 2022. Doug then acted surprised when it turned out that putting coins in the stab hole didn't work. It is at this time when Swordman211 revealed that he had been paid by Doug to stab Biff, after probably feeling guilty that Biff died.

## Post First Death and Resurrection

The Trade Union later then started using dead Biff's stab hole as a donation bin, for them to collect their Union Dues. Later on, Twitch chatters had stated that they would sacrifice Biff to the Union Gods, have him be revived, and then sacrificed again, continuing the cycle until Doug gives them health benefits.

Twitch user SilentFezz then got married to dead Biff's stab hole, but stated that they signed a prenup, reviewed by Parkzer, in case the stab hole got filled with pennies. They later got divorced, after Fezz found out that Biff's stab hole had been cheating with dead Biff behind their back.

At some point, a Twitch user by the name of OfficialLesbian, otherwise known as The Gay Necromancer, resurrected Biff with the power of "Lesbian Magic". It is unknown if the Gay Necromancer was in some way affiliated with the cult intent on reviving and sacrificing Biff to the Union Gods, or if the cult resurrected him after his second death.

## Second Death

Biff was reported dead on the 25th of October by Doug himself. He had reportedly passed away from both terminal hernia and a terminal case of "being a shitty janitor".

## Trivia

* Biff's stab hole was later turned into the storage area for the Grocery Store's estrogen supply. “Everybody knows we store the estrogen in the biff hole” (DougDoug 10/18/22).

## References

1. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRNXPCxtmdc&t=472s&ab\_channel=DougDoug
2. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRNXPCxtmdc&t=520s&ab\_channel=DougDoug
3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRNXPCxtmdc&t=652s&ab\_channel=DougDoug
4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRNXPCxtmdc&t=510s&ab\_channel=DougDoug
5. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRNXPCxtmdc&t=538s&ab\_channel=DougDoug
6. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRNXPCxtmdc&t=565s&ab\_channel=DougDoug
7. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRNXPCxtmdc&t=585s&ab\_channel=DougDoug
8. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRNXPCxtmdc&t=639s&ab\_channel=DougDoug
9. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRNXPCxtmdc&t=649s&ab\_channel=DougDoug
10. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRNXPCxtmdc&t=658s&ab\_channel=DougDoug
11. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRNXPCxtmdc&t=667s&ab\_channel=DougDoug
12. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRNXPCxtmdc&t=714s&ab\_channel=DougDoug
13. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRNXPCxtmdc&t=795s&ab\_channel=DougDoug

## Most Beloved Janitor in the West (Archive)

**Note**: The original editor who added this section, what this section currently means, and the purpose of it, is unknown. For right now though, as of 06/13/2023 (MM/DD/YYYY), we will be putting this section into Archive until further notice.

Biff woke up with a start. He looked around his room at the worn but clean carpet and walls covered in posters. A framed photo on the wall showed him as a young man standing next to some people dressed as US army soldiers. It had been taken when he'd won a national army decoration award before enlisting for World War Two. He had no recollection of what had happened during that war, nor any idea why it would be important to bring up now.

He got out of bed and took a shower. The water was warm; he didn't know where it came from, or how his family could afford such luxury when they were just janitors. Maybe their union rep knew someone in the plumbing department? he dried himself and put his clothes back on: jeans and a shirt. As he pulled them over his head, something felt odd about his head. No, wait... there wasn't anything there!

"Hm?" He couldn't remember having hair before. It seemed like one of those things you forget once you're used to not having it. But then again, the last time he remembered being bald he was still in his twenties. His scalp was smooth and hard as a brick. And if it hadn't been for all the other changes he'd gone through since leaving the army, he might have even thought he was younger than he actually was.

Before he could think too much about this, he headed down the stairs to get breakfast. He was ravenous after waking up so early.

His mother was already at the table.