Stone 30

**Chapter 30**

This book has been sitting on my desk like a bloated dead opossum in the middle of a one-lane road. Let's see if we can shovel it to the side so I can stop inflicting terrible metaphors on you guys.

Kahlan and Prim are holed up in a small house near Ebinissia. There's some pointless small talk, and Prim compliments Kahlan's ass. Apparently it's normal in Mud People culture to compliment a woman's breasts or butt, but asking to see her with the mud washed out of her hair is improper. Yeah, I don't get it either.

Kahlan informs Prim that, in Polite Society, one doesn't tell a woman that looking at her ass makes you want to bang her. \~/ Prim sulks a bit, then Chandelier and Tossy return. We learn that the fighting took place *“ten, maybe twelve days ago,”* and the invaders came from the east. Tossy also mentions that the invaders *“lost more men than they killed,”* and they took the bodies of their dead away with them.

>\_o

What?

These people overran and slaughtered a city of who knows how many thousand inhabitants. They took greater losses than the defenders, meaning the invaders have even *more* thousands of dead. And then the invaders took time away from their busy schedule of torturing, raping, vandalizing, crap-art, and poisoning random bits of salted meat to *haul away the body of ever single dead invader?*

Not burn. Not bury. Haul away. On wagons.

Because they were scared of spirits.

…

\~/\~/\~/\~/

Right! Moving on, we learn that the invaders only hauled their thousands and thousands of corpses to *“a bowl in a pass to the east.”* No indication of how far away, but I guess Chandelier and his Boyz got there and back in a day, so not too far. Prim has brought back a banner, and Kahlan recognizes the symbol (a black shield with an ornate silver letter R) as being of the House of Rahl. She asks the Boyz if they saw any Keltans, but of course they have no idea what she's talking about.

Looks like Kahlan has preemptively decided that Kelton must be guilty, despite an absence of any real evidence. Of course, since she's a Sue, she'll be 100% correct.

More talk, and we discover that the city-destroyers met up with still *more* guys, and now they're all riding in wagons. Yes. All fifty thousand men are *riding in wagons.* They apparently have thousands of wagons, which must be pulled by magic oxen that never need food or get tired or injured.

Through the mountains.

\~/\~/

Blah blah, the bad guys are wagoning through Jara Pass, the only pass large enough to accommodate wagons (thousands of them. In the mountains. In early *winter)*. The Boyz also found out (somehow) that a third group of men are in play; they came through Ebinissia maybe five days behind the first group, and numbered about one-tenth of the Evil Wagoneers' force. Kahlan decides they're the ones who shut the doors in the palace and somehow magically knows that *“They were no allies of those who did this. They didn't go to join them. They're going after them, though.”*

Kahlan decides to sneak ahead of the Evil Wagoneers by going through Harpies [sic] Cleft, and no, there are no harpies mentioned anywhere in this entire series. Chandelier makes the legitimate point that they're on a Save The World quest already, what with the tear in the veil and the underworld poised to destroy all life, and the four of them can't do much against an army of 50,000 anyway.

Kahlan says she's trying to keep the 5,000 people following the Evil Wagoneers from being killed (because She Just Knows they're good guys \~/). Chandelier asks what happens to the Save the World quest if she dies, and she replies that that's his job – to keep her alive. Yes, she's a bitch. My parents raised me not to use that word, but honestly, I think it's the appropriate word to use in this situation.

Knowing when he's beaten, Chandelier plans to have dinner and sleep in the house and leave on their Suicide Quest in the morning. Kahlan insults him and declares she's going to leave immediately and travel by moonlight. \~/

End chapter, thank Lovecraft.

Drinks: 9

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