Santamen

**The Santamen** (ウィﾝター ・ウォーリーアー ・ラフ ・ガッドズ *Wintaa Wooriiaa Rafu Gaddozu*) were first introduced in the pilot episode of the show, back in 1901, as a quirky rival group. They appeared officially in Episode 87, as Demo Drunkenstein's half-brother is one of the Santamens. The Santamen are a Heavy, a Demoman, and a Soldier in Santa hats led by a femscout.

## Appearances & Summoning

While their first appearances were in the pilot episode noncanonically and in Episode 87 canonically, these were not the moments, in-universe, when Robot Jesus crafted them. The 3-part OVA series, "Adventures of the Winter Warrior Laugh-Gods" (translated as "The Santamen"), told the story of how they came to be located in the incredibly large general area of the Scoutlings.

The Santamen are mysteriously linked to the MacGuffin Muffins, they were cursed by Robot Jesus to be summoned to whomever holds the Millennium Muffin and in exchange for said muffin, they will grant any wish. It is Rear Admiral Fights' quest to hold the Millennium Muffin.

## Origin

In Part One, "Santamen: A Very Stupid Filler Plot", their Sleighbuus ran out of Laughgas, and plummeted into the frozen earth below. During the crash, they slaughtered the much-hated Mayor of Guytiplo, Tiempo a la Mierda (translated as "Sparkey T. Annedroyd"), and were resurrected by the cheerful laughter of the citizens.

Upon dragging their corpses out of the Sleighbuus, they were greeted by the Not-Goth Com-IF (translated as "Femscout"). Out of kindness, they gave Femscout a wooden shield. She disapproved of their gift, so the S-men went to Plan B (Those who don't accept the Joy of Others, will accept the Pain of Others).

So they beat the shit out of the Scelf.

   She disapproved of this, too. The Santamen resorted to the final tactic, and transformed her into the Fairy Queen Histoire. With this new power that the writers couldn't be bothered with explaining, she turned the Santamen into her Santler butlers.

Though through some poorly-defined powers, the God-like Santamen can escape for brief periods of 50 hours at a time. During this time the Santamen either create *Christmas Paradoxes* in other dimensions (or other galaxies) or force people to do the Christmas Demons' taxes.

When they aren't her furniture, the Santamen accompany the Femscout on her regular outings: grocery shopping, dining out, and committing armed robbery. From providing a getaway drive with cover fire, to assaulting men who look at her funny, to making couples extremely uncomfortable for her mild amusement, they execute their master's bidding with a zeal that take industrial strength cleaner to get out. When the holiday season rolls around, the Santamen spread merriment secretions by giving gifts to mallgoers and dispelling the myth of parental love.

## Personality

No mere mortal may comprehend the alien mindset of the Santamen. No seriously, trying to understand them will leave you a screeching wreck. Don't do it, dude!!!

## Powers & Abilities

* *???* -  Since these mysterious beings are pure Chaos, they can pull any ability out of a hat, yet one secret move they only used once has yet to be named. Fans have dubbed it "The Holiday Punch," for it causes the recipient to be doused with a lethal dose of Good Will to All Men (a strange Christmas chemical compound, known to be synthesized from equal parts "Comfort" and "Joy").
* *Christmas Paradox* - The Santamen can copy things exactly, but if someone recieves the same gift from a loved one that they recieved from the Santamen, the two gifts cause a time-space error which summons the Demons of Christmas Paradox.
	+ *Christmas Demons* - A powerful group of numerous demonic entities that are summoned by a Christmas Paradox and attempt to "correct" the Paradox by stealing the offending object and consuming it.

* *Absolute Festivities -* The Santamen activate their unique ability to summon large versions of their hats and gift boxes of elephantine proportions. These items then immediately simultaneously erupt due to the critical amounts of the material "Merriment" in them. This explosions results in everything in a 50-kilometer radius sphere is forthwith expunged from every plane of existence, while everything in a 3500-km radius will hear radio Christmas tunes for the next 48 hours, even if they should not be hearing them in a normal situation (i.e. Space, Ultra-Satan Hell, etc.)

## Voice Actors

Hoo-Hah-Hah-Hoo is voiced by Hee-Ha-Hee-Hoo; Hee-Ha-Hoo is voiced by Ho-Ho-Hah-Hee; and Hah-Hah-Hoo is voiced by Boy George.

## Trivia

* The Christmas Paradox is also the name given to this Wiki template's for marking doomed and/or highly unsatisfactory pages.
* They feature prominently in the un-adapted Tournament of Breakfast Burritos, in which the Femscout forces the multiple universes to battle each other for her entertainment and the Scoutlings recruit Bananarama-Sama to defend their universe.