Logan Sickdude90 Carmichael

Invented on 1st July in the year of our John 2020. In a very short amount of time John started to hate this character.

Adorned with tattoos, the cross and rigours indignation at nobody specific, Logan Sickdude90 Carmichael, the radical youth pastor is a jab at a number of Australian Youth Pastors, lacking the common sense or dignity of older pastors.

He is essentially John's means of venting about people he does not have time for.

Much as John hates Bible Adventures, John also hates Logan.

He has also described playing him as "Cosmically trying".

## Sick Pastor Logan Factoids

These are things we 100% know about Logan that are totally true:

* Believes Dante is a well known Christian name.
* He refers to the holy book as "the bibe".
* His catchphrase seems to be "and that's real"
* Jesus is the SOG, Original Gangsta SOG, SOGSOG.
* He believes Trump is an emissary from god, like Benjamin Sisko from... He never watched that show. It was sinful.
* Doesn't like to spread hate at all, except against most people
* "Is space a sin?" -- "Yes, its science, and science is what we do when we don't understand miracles""
* If you're rubbing up against god, god's a dude and that makes you bi
* "When asked "can you help me escape my life as a lesbian", he replied "can I watch?"
* "Mary Magdalene was probably a lesbian, but there were no other women in Jerusalem at the time"
* Logan has seen abortions, and believes holding hands (and not talking about feelings) is the best way to avoid pregnancy
* Holding hands can only make someone pregnant if done in a sinful way
* Transubstantiation should be done on one's knees, at church, and has no other meaning whatsoever, honest.
* Jesus is not the electricity company: you cannot pay him to give you power, you have to take that power for yourself.
* Logan thinks all good christians want to bare arms, especially with these sick tattoos.
* Logan believes anyone over 16 is ready for marriage
* Thinks praying relieves tension odour because you let go of others
* His disciples and friends are The holy LoGang at the Radical Seminary Youthgroup
* Don't let the fact D&D is slow boring fool you: Its satanic!
* Its Christian to have a foot fetish
* Jesus didn't like women, or women with jobs.
* You can only have a foot fetish for Jesus.
* The only feet you can nail are Jesus' feet.
* Don't quote him on that, though.
* Avid skateboarder
* John hates him.
* Fan of coffee shops
* John hates him.
* Probably vapes
* John hates him.
* @aubreytoo hates Logan.
* If you cry out in hell for forgiveness, you might be heard but you have to scream radically loud.
* You can form crucifix horns - forming a cross from two index fingers. The meaning is unclear.
* DoubtingThomas is the craziest of the disciples
* "How much room do we have to leave for Jesus during the slow-dance?" -- if there's a girl you like and that's the only way you can like her, you need to think of every slowdance as a threesome: a threesome with Jesus. Its a 69 and another 6. I know the number of the bad-man is 666, but when you love a girl, its 696, which is 30 better and that's how good Jesus is.
* You might feel lonely, but you'll feel better when Jesus comes into you.
* Due the contract he signed at his job at the youth ministry, he cannot lay his hands on anyone
* The dinosaurs did not exist.
* John hates him. John hates him. John hates him.
* Turns Pepsi Max into inside-him (most disappointing miracles)
* Only Jesus can do decent or better miracles.
* God made man in his own image, but nobody knows what god looked like. Dinosaurs may be what god looked like on the weekend. If god didn't rest on the 7th day, the T-rex would have had big arms to entertain itself. Its the only dinosaur that can't do the cross-horns or the sign of the cross.
* You can look this up: Its real.
* How to wear a chastity ring: it depends; if its a full body ring, wear it like a life-preserver -- use it to tie up your sinful purse. Hold your sinpurse in. The man way is right around the middle of your head, like Geordi-Laf-- I don't watch that show, its very sinful. But yeah, like Jesus!
* Trekkie in denial.
* Will you make your own church? NO! GOD makes churches, he only goes where large companies decide churches should go
* Nothing is more radical than following orders and doing administration
* Owls exist to look incredibly fucking impressed, and ask the most eternal question: "Who? Who made this?"
* He awaits the answer-owl which will give the answer and coo "god."
* All horns must be Christian. Metal horns and crucifix.
* John hates him. John hates him.
* People don't realise Jesus held up the crucifix held up everyone and every baby, which is why preists.. do that... I
* When are we getting sermons on Sundays? He can't wake up that early. Any part of Sunday is too early.
* Plus, D.A.D. is objectively lovelier.
* Whats a good way to bring up Jesus with aethist friends? Something like golf or something else lame? Then you tell them when you felt lame. When they ask if you went to therapy or your peers, you say you saw the best therapist and greatest friend you've ever had: "Soos Christy" -- aka, Jesus Christ. And that's real.
* If mom says god is everywhere and sees everything is it true? Answer: Of course, if your mom says it, it is true! And so is it when Jesus says its true, and the other guy!
* The LegionOfMary apparently still wrestles.
* Tomato sauce belongs in the fridge.
* Sometimes god does the invisible shuffle.
* In the name of the father, the son and other cool dudes, forever, rock on.
* And that's real.
* His missing tattoo sleeve is due to a miracle of God.
* He does not play Minecraft, he plays Mine Christ, a game in which you can only build arks and crucifixes.
* Believes that God is testing us with Covid-19 purely as a punishment for the actions of Kim (NanoSounds of the Yogscast) against her husband. He received a message from the lord "this is obscene, Covid-19"
* Prayed so hard his tattoos came off then had bare arms tattooed over his arms.
* John hates him. John hates him. John hates him. John hates him. John hates him.

### Musical Tastes

Logan enjoys the music of:

* Anything by Creed
* Jesus is Alright - The Doobie Brothers (he doesn't like the groups name and wishes to clarify that Jesus is more than alright)
* Spirit in the Sky - Norman Greenbaum
* Heaven is a Halfpipe - OPM

## Pastor Logan Quotes

* "I see your hands are touching each other, I don't like it, that's too close to touching yourself"
* The beginning of his "bibe" audio-book "In the beginning there was nothing, imaging how nothing there was, God said there was too little of anything..."
* The book of Revelations is where "shit gets real"
* "Circumcision of the gentiles wasn't gentle"
* "You've gotta be opinionated about foreskins"
* "When you go to heaven do you need a rain jacket? There's lots of clouds up there"
* "Don't forget, Jesus had groupies"
* "Sharks are God's way of telling us when not to swim, if a shark bites my leg off, I'll know it was my fault"
* "The church is completely Radical"
* "your buscites don't need to be limp"
* "Jesus wasn't a zombie, he was a vampire.... a self sucking vampire, vegan vampire"
* "Jesus was bionic, Jesus was a cyborg, he has metal in him"
* "All science is Satan"