69th Annual Hogwarts Hunger Games

At this point, it really shouldn't surprise anyone that Hogwarts would host a hunger games. I mean, yeah it is a last wizard standing fight to the death, but honestly that's only slightly less than the Tri Wizard Tournament. Still, you may have some questions like: How do the Wizards know what a hunger games is? How are anyone's parents okay with this? Why are Dumbeldore, Umbrige, and Firenze, our Sench-wa friend, part of the competition with abunch of eleven year old children? These are all very excellent questions which I do not know the answer to, but I imagine it involved Thomas Angle, a de-aging potion laced funnel cake, and probably some biting. We began with 24 competitors:

## Night 1: The Blood Bath

**Luna Lovegood** severely slices **Cho Chang, y'all** with a sword.

**Snape**, **Ron. Ron. Ron Weasley**, and **Quirrell** work together to get as many supplies as possible. (And they said infinity war was the most ambitious teamup)

**Day 1**

**Neville Lungebutton** sets an explosive off, killing **Luna Lovegood**.

**Pansy Parkinson**, **Oliver Wood**, and **Lavender Brown** get into a fight. **Pansy Parkinson** (you go, girl) triumphantly kills them both.

**Remus Can't sing Lupin** grabs a backpack, not realizing it is empty. (Our poor wolf boy can't catch a break.)

**Night 1**

**Snape** kills **Draco Malfoy** with his own weapon.

## Day 2: The Blood Shower

**Day 2**

No deaths occurred. Good job, everyone!

**Night 2**

**Neville Lungebutton** bashes **Goyle**'s head against a rock several times.

**Goyle** steals from **Percy Weasley** while he isn't looking. (very in character)

**Harry Freaking Potter** sees smoke rising in the distance, but decides not to investigate. (very not in character)

**Gred Weasley** attempts to climb a tree, but falls to his death.

**Umbrige** attacks **Ron. Ron. Ron Weasley**, but he manages to escape. (Ron expended everyone's luck).

**Pansy Parkinson** defeats **Remus Can't sing Lupin** in a fight, but spares his life.

## Day 3: The Blood Jacuzzi

**Dumbledore** and **Hermione Night Troll** fight **Neville Lungebutton** and **Harry Freaking Potter**. **Dumbledore** and **Hermione Night Troll** survive. So much for the prophecy

## Day 4: The Blood Moist Towelette (Has this Joke run its course?)

**Ron. Ron. Ron Weasley** dies trying to escape the arena.

**Arena Event**

A volcano erupts at the center of the arena. (A FREAKING VOLCANO? WHERE? WHY? HOW? ALL OF THE QUESTIONS)

**Percy Weasley** pushes **Sirius Doggo Black** in the lava.

**It's GiNeVra** is buried in ash.

As **Dumbledore** trips over **Crabbe** into the lava, he grabs him and pulls him down with him. (Legend has it, Crabbe's last words were, "Long live the king." Crabbe obviously missed the point of that scene in the Lion King. Dumbledore's last words were "My Cabbages!)

**Remus Can't sing Lupin** is buried in ash.

**Night 4**

**Quirrell** spears **Snape** in the abdomen

## Day Six: The Half Blood Prince (see what I did there?)

No one dies today either, but...

**Voldemort** practices his archery. (I NEED FANART OF VOLDEMORT struggling to hold a bow straight!)

**Firenze the Centaur** constructs a shack.

**Pansy Parkinson** constructs a shack.

SHACK BUDDIES

Night Six

**Percy Weasley** tends to **Firenze, our Centaur friend**'s wounds. (This is like the third time Percy and Firenze, our Centaur friend, have teamed up. DO I smell romance? ¯\\_(ツ)\_/¯ Not necessarily, but you're still going to google fanfic of it later.)

## Day 7: A Water balloon (of blood)

**Firenze the Centaur** and **Percy Weasley** work together for the day. (Perenze, our Human/Centaur Friend-Ship has set sail)

**Voldemort** stabs **Umbrige** with a tree branch.

**Hermione Night Troll** receives medical supplies from an unknown sponsor.

**Firenze the Centaur**, **Voldemort**, and **Hermione Night Troll** cheerfully sing songs together.

**Percy Weasley** is unable to start a fire and sleeps without warmth.

## Day 8: I've given up on the clever titles here.

**Hermione Night Troll** kills **Voldemort** as he tries to run.

**Percy Weasley** searches for a water source.

**Firenze the Centaur** constructs a shack. Now he has *two* shacks. Only one to go.

Night 8

**Hermione Night Troll** is unable to start a fire and sleeps without warmth.

**Percy Weasley** and **Firenze the Centaur** run into each other and decide to truce for the night. And they were shack-mates (Oh my gosh they were shack mates.)

## Day 9: The One Where Thomas Angle Shows up (I wish)

**Percy Weasley** thinks about home.

**Firenze the Centaur** goes hunting.

**Hermione Night Troll** dies trying to escape the arena

Night 9.I wonder what's going to happen next. WIll our star crossed, inter species lovers find a way to make it out alive? WIll they double suicide like the tributes in the book? Let's see...

**Firenze the Centaur** sets **Percy Weasley** on fire with a molotov.

Well.

THAT escalated quickly.

Finally, Professor McGonagall managed to untie herself (because you know she would never have left this happen), popped a cap in Tomas Ingle, grabbed the time turner she kept under the moving staircase, and went back to fix all this.

The End?