E D. Blargh

*"meef me ef me f m e f meef eef e f meef m f me f" - Ramblings of the journal of the esteemed Captain E D. Blargh*

## Overview

### Overview

Captain E D. Blargh is, alongside Pe D. Phile, captain of the SS Shitfaced and it's crew, the rum pirates, a super-rookie crew from the West Sea. She is highly skilled in architecture and planning funerals, and graves of her design can be found throughout the West Sea and the Midnight Forest.

### History

#### Background

468 years ago, she was born in the West Sea to a merchant from the north and Thetis, mother of Achilles. Thetis dipped her entire body in the river Styx, holding her in with a pair of tongs, famously saying "I'm not making the same mistake as last time". This has allowed her to live for 468 years unharmed by age or wear, although she constantly complains about backpain regardless. Throughout the centuries she has had many occupations, ranging from designing bases for the marines to burying bandit dead in ritual burial grounds.

#### Time with the Western Maritime Order

At the age of 16 in the year 1237, she impressed the then Head Knight of the Western Maritime Order (now part of the marines), Sir Bartholomew Simpstone, by beating him in a food eating contest. Sir Bartholomew famously cried "OH DEARIE ME THIS FELLOW APPEARS TO HAVE BESTED ME IN THE ART OF SCHNITZEL EATING". He then offered her a place in the Order to study as she pleases, and not a day later she was enrolled in Ye Olde School of Architecture and Carpentry (now the Marine shipwright and builder's college). Here she learned of the building styles of the Order at the time, and decided to branch into architecture rather than ship building. After 10 years of intense training, she qualified and was knighted "Dame Edle D Blargh", a title that was never officially revoked.

She presented her ideas on the design of Maritime order bases to the then Architect in Chief, Dame Elisabeth Simpstone, who, impressed with how the young Edle D Blargh exceeded expectations, promoted her to be her right hand architect. For the next 43 years she would design bases which were very intricate for the time, allowing the order to become more dominant on the seas. Simpstone in her old age would often comment that "Edle, you never seem to age a day, frick you". After she died, however, she had Dame Edle D Blargh named as her successor as Architect in Chief, and she was sworn on September 9th 1290. Under her jurisdiction, Maritime order bases sprung up throughout the West Sea, almost impenetrable to the weapons of the time, many sieges were won, and after over a century of victory after victory, other orders came together to decide what to do next in the 1438 Sooar ka Baada island meeting. The conclusion they reached was not to fight the Western Maritime Order, but rather, to join them, forming what is now known as the Marines. On November 6th 1438, the agreement was signed by Sir Gerald Jaq Oph, Head Knight of the Western Maritime Order, Lord Flop of the Northern Order, Baron Von Gibblegabble of the Southern Sailors Division and Countess Alucard of the Eastern Ocean Defenders Pact, formally uniting them under one name. Dame Edle D Blargh had an important part in this in that she built the building where it was signed.

The newly formed Marines was riddled with corruption. Jaq Oph made it his goal to silence anyone who disagreed with him, and many in their ranks "went missing" overnight. In response to this, Blargh set fire to his shoes, pissed on his bed and then fled the area, joining the resistance forces in the South, known as "Bandits".

#### Time with the Bandits

After fleeing the Marines in 1440, the Bandits took Edle D Blargh in. Little is known about this as Bandit actions often go under the radar, and Blargh was sworn to secrecy, however, it is known that it was here she took the name "E D. Blargh" and was employed in grave digging and stone masonry, in attempt to put her architecture skills to good use. She was highly regarded by the Bandits, but eventually she became disconcerted with them, and chose to leave them too, this time more peacefully. After this, she spent the next 20 years doing contract jobs building houses for people, until 1599, when, while on a contract for bounty hunters, she heard of the sinking of the island of Sitnalta, and decided to explore the seas while she can.

#### Pirate life

In 1599 she joined a crew in the West Sea, plundering bases (newer than the ones she designed) and sinking enemy ships. Her role was operating the cannons, and she loved it, becoming captain in 1648 after the previous captain died. Not long later however, the rest of the crew died, and Blargh began to realise the issue with being an immortal pirate. She sailed alone for 40 years, eventually wrecking the ship off Sandpit island, where she met Pe D. Phile, and together they formed a new crew, the Rum Pirates. She is currently designing buildings for the Rum Archipelago, and is the architect who designed it's famous docks and castle.

### Appearance

E D. Blargh is a tall pirate with dark red hair and a distinctive black outfit over a red jacket. Her eyes are hazel brown, going grey with age and her hat is older than your grandad's grandad's shoes.

### Devil Fruit

E D. Blargh has eaten the Hie Hie no Mi. This allows the user a certain amount of control over ice, meaning that she can freeze pretty much anything.

### Trivia

* She is the oldest pirate on the seas at 468 and was around for the Marine's founding
* She designed the marine bases that were in use from 1247 to 1523, however very few of her works for the Marines remain
* Her ability to freeze things may or may not have caused the Ice Age area to exist