Schwabcity

schwabcity sailing the schwabseas

schwabcity is a [founding member] of the MicroPenis Gaming Server. Raised in Neenah, WI, Ryan spent three years living in Minneapolis before returning to Neenah, where he currently lives with Mitch. Together, they are famous for their kittens, sisters Lily and Luna. His social games of choice are League of Legends, Jackbox, and Golf with Your Friends, as well as frequently participating in poker night, Sporcle, Chess, various sports streams, and shots. Ryan maintains a non-notable lack of opinion regarding the otherwise popular Among Us. He is the sole Forklift Certified member of the community.

## Biography

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

### Origins

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### Gaming

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#### Schwab Video Lottery

Ryan is infamous in the MicroPenis Gaming Server for his video cutting out during video calls. Strangely, this phenomenon only seems to affect one person in the call at a time (usually Natdogg1), and is almost always fixed by turning video off and on again. Not long after fixing this, however, it tends to impact one other random video call member. The origins of this issue are unknown and the victim is seemingly chosen at random, hence the phenomenon becoming known colloquially as the "Schwab Video Lottery".

## Pets

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

## Professional Sports Career

### Las Vegas Raiders

Ryan is a key player on the Las Vegas Raiders, playing tight end in the soon-to-be high-flying offense. A favorite target of Eric Wanders, lining up alongside the likes of Ted Wiswall and Tyler Meyer, Schwalbach makes up a threatening attack sure to terrify NFL defenses in the near (or not-so-near) future. Schwalbach provides the power and fundamentals to go along with the speed and finesse of the other offensive weapons. As a player, his style (both in play and appearance) is reminiscent of a bygone era of football. His frame is an asset as commonly discussed by commentators and pundits as his hands and route running. To say he doesn't depend on speed would be an understatement, as by some estimates he is the slowest player in NFL history, but his savvy route-running makes him an extremely viable short-yardage target.

### Other Sports Appearances

Schwalbach is a multi-sport athlete. He has appeared in all iterations of the MicroRaiders, and has also been on the Las Vegas Big Ballers in the NBA, the Milwaukee Bucks in the quest for the Larry Ogre'Brien Trophy (also in the NBA), and on SoundWorld FC in the English Premier League. Across all sports, he maintains a play-style highlighted by an extreme lack of athleticism but an equally extreme skillset in a handful of fundamentals. He held multiple NBA records for three-point shooting while holding the title of the least athletic player in the league. On the soccer pitch, he overcame is nonexistent pace to always pop up in the right place in front of goal.