Denwa Kodekku

#### Xiaodan von Brandt

* Satoshi: *(calling Officer Yamamoto, who appears as a mid-20s Japanese policewoman with neck-length hair, on his smartphone)* Officer Yamamoto! Those swords the young civilian within this vicinity is carrying don't look anything like the kind I'm familiar with. *Watashi ni ate sasete kudasai* (let me guess)... European design?
* Officer Yamamoto (voiced by Stephanie Sheh): You got that right. The name of the person in possession of them is Xiaodan von Brandt.
* Satoshi: "Von Brandt?" Where have I heard that name before? Is that supposed to be the name of some sort of *hanzai soshiki* (crime syndicate), headquartered in the continent?
* Officer Yamamoto: In actuality, *iie* (no). He's the son of the 16th-century German blacksmith, Laurenz von Brandt, and his Chinese wife, Qingmei, both of whom fought against the dangerous threats of *akuma no shukun* (demon lords) and rogue animal spirits.
* Satoshi: *Matte* (wait)... Aren't there no such things as demons or ghosts?
* Officer Yamamoto: Not one to believe in fantastical things... you know, the kind that can usually only be seen in movies and TV, I see, Officer Maeda. Now, allow me to explain the *touken* (swords) a little further.
* Satoshi: I'd be more than happy to.
* Officer Yamamoto: Their names are Dōng and Westlich, and they were forged from his parents' elemental powers of *hi to kori* (fire and ice), given that he is currently apprenticed to his father.
* Satoshi: *Hontouni* (really)? Well, I hope to God that this kid doesn't use them to commit arson, or cause another Ice Age, or anything.
* Officer Yamamoto: *Shinpaishinaide* (don't worry), he won't. He only wishes to use them and the wushu learned from his mother to protect the world against whatever threats come his way.
* Satoshi: Then I suppose I'm not the only one around here who can fight unarmed or with a weapon anymore.
* Officer Yamamoto: Well, *ganbarou* (good luck) during the fight! Ending call now. *(hangs up)*

#### Emel Zengin

* Satoshi: *(calling Chief Tanaka, who appears as a middle-aged Japanese man in glasses with short, graying hair and a graying mustache, on his smartphone)* Chief, I have a visual on the perpetrator. She is in possession of *senzai-teki ni kiken'na buki* (potentially-dangerous weaponry) and appears to be barely dressed.
* Chief Tanaka (voiced by Richard Epcar): Be careful out there, Maeda! Emel Zengin may look sexually attractive on the outside, but on the inside, she's a literally poisonous femme fatale.
* Satoshi: Care to elaborate on that?
* Chief Tanaka: This woman belongs to the *Suikastçılar Loncası*, or "Order of Assassins," headquartered in the Ottoman Empire's first capital, Söğüt, and has been known to perform traditional Turkish belly dance for and seduce her victims first before injecting the *doku* (poison) from her arm blades into their bloodstreams, giving each one a slow death.
* Satoshi: *Doku*? What kind? Polonium, or cyanide, or whatnot?
* Chief Tanaka: Don't be ridiculous! Of course not! Her brand of poison comes from exotic, venomous snakes and could kill a person in a matter of minutes or hours depending on how much is injected into them.
* Satoshi: Well, in that case, if she's anything like the killers I've had to deal with before, she's asking to be handcuffed and placed in a cop car headed for jail. That is, assuming she's familiar with modern-day *hou shikkou kikan* (law enforcement) at all.
* Chief Tanaka: I couldn't agree more. Now, get to bringing her to justice before she goes and kills more people.
* Satoshi: Will do, Chief.
* Chief Tanaka: *Yoi* (good). Ending call now. *(hangs up)*

#### Wilhelm Shmidt

* Satoshi: *(calling Chief Tanaka)* Chief! I've detected the presence of a suspect in an anime villain-type get-up.
* Chief Tanaka: This man is no cosplayer, Maeda. He's a Nazi.
* Satoshi: A... Nazi? Like the goofy-mustached *dokusai-sha* (dictator) he serves?
* Chief Tanaka: *Hai* (yes). The only good one of those fuckers is one who's under arrest!
* Satoshi: Would you care to explain why, Chief?
* Chief Tanaka: He, along with the rest of the Wehrmacht, in addition to participating in *Yudaya-jin no zetsumetsu* (the extermination of Jews), also aided the SS forces of his Führer, Adolf Hitler's Nazi Party in their *sensou hanzai* (war crimes).
* Satoshi: Did these "Wehrmacht" people commit any of their own, too?
* Chief Tanaka: *Hai*. They also starved and worked to death Soviet POWs, mass-raped women, and massacred *Pourando shimin* (Polish citizens).
* Satoshi: Oh. So, that explains a lot about this guy, doesn't it?
* Chief Tanaka: Hmph. I wholeheartedly agree with you on that, but for him, a good number of his atrocities on the battlefield are just another Tuesday. Not to mention he's highly dangerous and should be sentenced to *shuushin-kei* (life imprisonment) without the possibility of parole!
* Satoshi: I will get right on his arrest.
* Chief Tanaka: *Ganbarou* (good luck), Maeda! Ending call now. (hangs up)

#### Mirror Match

* Satoshi: *(calling Chief Tanaka)* Chief! What's another me doing here? Was I cloned without my knowledge?
* Chief Tanaka: Probably so. Either that, or it might be someone who looks exactly like you, down to the last detail, impersonating a *keisatsukan* (police officer).
* Satoshi: Ah, so that's what you think it is. In that case, I guess it's time I cut the amount of time he's been keeping up this *giman* (deception) short!
* Chief Tanaka: If we were to arrest him right now, he would certainly be in a position where it would be all too obvious that he'd been wearing a plastic mask bearing your likeness this whole time.
* Satoshi: It seems he did this with the intention of convincing us that he actually was one of us, and not some cosplayer dressed up as me.
* Chief Tanaka: Hmph. We cannot continue speculating this man's true identity for too long, even if he has the clues pointing towards it. Now, get to questioning him to see who he *really* is! I won't repeat it.
* Satoshi: I see... Alright, Chief, you can count on me.
* Chief Tanaka: I know you'll try your best. Ending call now. *(hangs up)*

#### Eztli

* Satoshi: *(calling Chief Tanaka)* I've spotted a perpetrator in tribal clothing within the vicinity, Chief.
* Chief Tanaka: The man you are looking at right here is known as Eztli. He is a *sensou shogun* (war general) from the Aztec Empire.
* Satoshi: "Aztec Empire?" Is that supposed to be the name of a street gang in Mexico?
* Chief Tanaka: To tell you the truth, *iie* (no). It was a period in the country's history that lasted until Hernán Cortés' *gunbyou* (armed forces) slaughtered many of its people and made its last *ten'nou* (emperor) surrender in Spain's attempt to colonize the Americas.
* Satoshi: So, they did the same amount of murdering that we have reports that the suspect has been doing, I see.
* Chief Tanaka: And it is all in the name of his *kami* (god), Huītzilōpōchtli. ...Or, so he says.
* Satoshi: Then he's probably a little sick in the head.
* Chief Tanaka: Which might be the reason for all of his murderous deeds, particularly against the *shomin* (common folk), women and children included, and *teki-butai* (enemy forces) from outside the Empire.
* Satoshi: I never met a *tairyou satsujin-sha* (mass murderer) I liked.
* Chief Tanaka: Well, I guess now would be the right moment to apprehend this man and put him away before any more people die at his hands.
* Satoshi: I copy, Chief.
* Chief Tanaka: *Yoi* (good)! Ending call now. *(hangs up)*

#### Wu Zhiruo

* Satoshi: *(calling Officer Yamamato)* Officer Yamamoto, I'm getting reports of a cross-dressing young woman in the vicinity.
* Officer Yamamoto: That's Wu Zhiruo you're facing, Officer Maeda. I thought she was a man at first when I saw her in that getup.
* Satoshi: And, what's with it?
* Officer Yamamoto: She disguised herself as a male *heishi* (soldier) in order to take the place of her father, Wu Jun, who had become old, frail, and sick after nearly 23 years of service, in the *Chuugoku teikoku-gun* (Chinese Imperial Army) during the Han Dynasty.
* Satoshi: I doubt women would have been allowed to serve in that *gun* (army) back then.
* Officer Yamamoto: *Hai, shitte imasu* (yes, I know). I joined the *Tokyo Keisatsu* (Tokyo Police Department) and you don't hear anyone telling ME to stay in the kitchen because of it!
* Satoshi: Well, I guess gender employment norms sure have changed since Women's Lib, huh?
* Officer Yamamoto: Uh-huh. And, don't underestimate her just because she's a woman, Officer Maeda.
* Satoshi: Why not?
* Officer Yamamoto: This one you're looking at right here has a wide range of *heiki* (weaponry), which includes her father's prized *sensou yari* (war spear) and the occasional bow, at her disposal.
* Satoshi: While I appreciate that she's proven that women are capable fighters, just like men, in the wrong hands, those weapons could be dangerous, and if they are, I'm going to have to confiscate them.
* Officer Yamamoto: I heard she can fight unarmed, too! Either way, don't let her get the better of you. Ending call now. *(hangs up)*

### Cross-Universal Chaos: Fate of the MGW-Verse

#### Peter McDaid

* Satoshi: *(calling Chief Tanaka)* Chief, I've spotted a *furou-sha* (vagrant) with no respect for women's *kojin no kyoukai* (personal boundaries) in the vicinity. I require that this situation be explained right away!
* Chief Tanaka: Hmph. I haven't quite gotten his name yet.
* Satoshi: Neither have I. One reason for this may be because he doesn't have any ID on his person.
* Chief Tanaka: From what I've heard, he became displaced in time from *1886-nen* (the year 1886), and I'm pretty sure there was no such thing as *kojin no shikibetsu* (personal identification) back then, thanks to some unexplained phenomenon known as a "cross-universal crisis."
* Satoshi: And if he doesn't keep his eyes to himself?
* Chief Tanaka: Then I suppose he could face a *houtei shinmon* (court hearing) to decide his penalty for the morally-improper defiance of current standards of accepted behavior he has been said to exhibit when it comes to women and their feet. If convicted of blatant harassment, up to *keimusho de 40-nen* (40 years in prison) could be in order for him.
* Satoshi: Well, I guess that means he won't be causing all those women he non-consensually peeked at any more trouble any time soon.
* Chief Tanaka: Then see to it that he is under arrest as soon as possible! Ending call now. *(hangs up)*