The Big Money Space Race Part 2

"*This is part two of the Big Money Space Race, which, as it turns out, is all about me because my ass got contacted.*"
―Erik
The Big Money Space Race Part 2: Bouncing Up in the Milky Way is the 90th lesson of Internet Comment Etiquette. It is the second lesson of The Big Money Space Race, following The Big Money Space Race Part 1. It later became the subject of Bogus Copyright Claims. It was released on December 24, 2018.

## Summary

Carl Sagan Salvia monologues about Earth and the colonization of space. He wonders if contact with a new space race will help build utopia, or if it would just be a space race bait.

Erik looks at the alien rocketship schematics that he got in the previous lesson. He explains that he's going to win the Big Money Space Race, but he looks at its Wikipedia article and sees that it has been vandalized by some of his under-performing students. He donates $50 to Wikipedia to make up for it. Then he builds his space race identity.

### Step One: Company Name

Erik starts a company called Unlimited Salvia Space Rockets and registers it in the state of Florida. He also puts some posters for the company on the Neon Grizzly store.

### Step Two: Fundraising

Erik needs money to hire rocket engineers and alien language decipherers. He looks to his competitors for examples on how to raise funds. He sees that Elon Musk makes money by selling flamethrowers for $500. He watches a news video where they interview a police officer and an awesome homeless man. Erik decides to one-up Musk and puts USSR assault rifles on his Neon Grizzly store for $5,000. They sell out almost immediately and Erik becomes a millionaire.

### Step Three: NordVPN

Ridleymane Quarterchop narrates a sponsored ad about NordVPN from the set of Nobbleberry.

### Step Four: Hiring Employees

Erik hires Doctor Frank to help him decrypt the alien blueprints, but Frank just wants to sell them to China. Erik tries to find help on YouTube and finds a woman speaking alien. He leaves a comment on that video. Frank is able to figure out the alien language and translate the rocket schematics to English. He brings in Doctor Sam and the two of them get started on the rocketship.

### Step Five: Public Relations

Erik notes that contenders in the space race have to be careful, or else they could end up like Richard Branson who dangled Pamela Anderson upside down and popped her titty out. Erik watches a video of this happening, but all of the comments are creepy and gross so he leaves a comment about upside down dumps in the style of Curious Betsy. Then he offers free guns to all of his students but makes them pay for the guns.

Erik's NSA agent Hank shows up to ask for the alien schematics. The two get in an argument so Erik hands over the schematics. Hank is glad that he'll finally be able to stop watching Erik masturbate because it was too sexy for him to handle.

### Step Six: Bankruptcy

It turns out that all of his guns were bought by children so the FBI freezes his accounts. He decides not to tell his doctor engineers about this, but they didn't know how to build a rocket and sold the schematics to China. Erik tries to find a Jerf Berzos video that can help him, but John Bonzos' consciousness takes over his computer and reveals himself as the one that sent the alien blueprints to Erik. They have a shared dream of flying into space to leave the poor people behind. Joof Tacos has an Amazon drone bring Erik a completed rocketship.

### Step Seven: Blastoff!

Erik gets in his rocketship, watches one more video, and starts a journey to Nibiru. Erik lands and meets an alien. It nut-taps him and he reappears back in the Etiquesette. Hank comes in revealing that he was also nut-tapped. Jeef Beezos comes on screen and Erik calls him a space race traitor.

End credits roll to Elon Musk (Cars in Space).

## Comments

*Hey you think flamethrowers are cool, wait till you see what we got at NeonGrizzly.com/Commentiquette! That's right so long as you live in Florida we're selling these one of a kind Unlimited Salvia Space Rocket assault rifles, to help fund my rocket ship company. I've got like five thousand of these things laying around that I confiscated from students back when I was a substitute teacher. I don't know what else to do with em, I tried to go hunting but any animal i fired at got completely obliterated to the point where there was nothing to take home. Pretty annoying if you ask me, so I'll just stick to strangling my deer to death like pop pop taught me. Big ups to Florida for letting people sell whatever the fuck they want, just ask my ex-wife I sold her ass to Disney World in Orlando and they hit her with the gene editing so she permanently looks like Donald Duck. Saves em money on costumes or something? Hey shoulda read that pre-nup Janet LOL anyway buy my guns USSR*
- Erik

*Nice try you cheap bastards, but I'm not falling for this government brainwashing! When the reptiles finally crawl from under the mantle of our hollow earth to eat all your babies the only place that'll have any chance of survival is Florida because I'm pretty sure that state gives you a free gun for every DUI on your driving record. At least that would explain why every single person in Florida is armed like they're five years into a zombie apocalypse. But I digress, that woman is clearly a crisis actor hired by the deep state lizard people to get made fun of while we go on with our sheeplike existence. And I'd know a thing or two about getting made fun of since I'm an adult baby. It's a sex thing, like with diapers and stuff but more specifically I'm a Florida Adult Baby which means I'm not vaccinated and I've got about three years before the measles get me, so that's gonna be a good nut USSR OUT*
- Erik

*Hey yall ever try to take an upside down dump? It's just what it sounds like: you get on your head and try to push one out but it can't go nowhere cause gravity's keepin it down just don't sneeze unless you wanna mess up your ceiling. Only thing poppin out when I'm doin upside down dumps is my big ol melon titties mmmmmmmmmm side note they tried to torture me once in a FEMA camp by hangin me upside down and kickin me in the stomach and that's how I came up with this game! Okay call your grandmas and tell em I said mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm*
- Erik

*yo im givin away free guns at unlimitedsalviaspacerockets.com*
- @commentiquette

*Yo jeff can you pay for my haircut?*
- J Remeliik

*Hey man I was in a pretty similar situation not too long ago so here's what you do: Create a kickstarter for a short film about getting a haircut, collect thousands of dollars, make it a pineapple, and then use the rest of the money to buy a bazooka from unlimitedsalviaspacerockets.com ah shit wait I forgot the FBI seized that website just email it to me and I'll hook you up MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM*
- Erik

*Hey anybody else think this dude sounds like Hank Hill? Really made it hard to take anything he was saying seriously, well that and when he said climate change is caused by a big ass planet hiding behind our sun. Don't get me wrong I believe in Planet X, in fact I'm about to go there right now and learn all the secrets of the universe and become the next Jab Bebos BUT climate change is still definitely caused by one thing and one thing only: PETA. PETA kills so many animals every year that their souls aren't able to find newborn embryos to be reincarted into, and thus are sucked into the vacuum of space where they become star ghosts that refract the light of the sun causing its beams to hone in on our fragile ozone layer. This shit's gotta stop! Or not I mean I donate to them because it's cold as fuck here and I need some of that global warming. Not like I'm having grandkids, suck my dick future generations. Anyway I'm out this planet good luck with your tidal waves and hurricanes you dumb bitches ain't no planet x comin cause it's already here USSR OUT*
- Erik

## Video

```

```