Chapter Four

*(At the greenhouse… Elanor is going around with a magnifying glass, looking very closely at plants and insects, and then writing her findings down… Vladek enters.)*

Vladek: Oh. Hi, uh…

Elanor: Hm?

Vladek: Um…

Elanor: \***looks at him and smiles**\* You already forgot my name, didn’t you?

Vladek: Sorry.

Elanor: That’s alright. \***she puts some of her tools away and stands up**\* Elanor. Remember?

Vladek: Of course! I knew that. Um, I was looking for Avis. Is he around?

Elanor: Haven’t seen him. But, you know, he lives here. Which means that statistically, you have a better chance of finding him here than anywhere else.

Vladek: ...Uh… Yeah… Thanks. I’ll keep looking.

*(Outside the greenhouse, in the trees nearby… Vladek walks along. Some of Roxie’s robotic insects fly around, and Vladek curiously follows them… After passing by a small pond, he encounters Avis in his apron, on the ground, using various garden tools to dig up an area by a large tree...)*

Vladek: Hey, Avis.

Avis: \***cheerily**\* Hey, V!

Vladek: Um… What are you doing?

Avis: \***digs**\* I am studying a new kind of mushroom growing around here! I’m thinking it may have developed inside my greenhouse.

Vladek: Hm. \***he watches some of the metal bugs buzz by**\*

Avis: \***digs and pulls out what appears to be a strange, yellow mushroom near a tree root**\* Ah, what a jolly occasion it is to find a mustard truffle!

Vladek: ...Truffle? Uh… You’re not gonna… Eat that, are you? It looks… Um… Well let’s just say it looks bad, okay?

Avis: Of course *I’m* not going to eat it! I’m going to feed it to a carnivorous plant to see what happens! \***he tosses it in the bucket**\* If it lives, *then* I’ll give the truffle a taste test. I think I will pair it with raspberry jam and a hydrata scone. But not the raspberry jam from Prunella’s farm. Last time I went to her farm to buy jam she told me of her many perversions and then begged me to set her on fire.

Vladek: You take forever to say nothing. But I still recommend you don’t eat random things you find buried in tree roots.

Avis: \***digs**\* Did you come here to ask me something, Vladek?

Vladek: I did, actually. About Roxie.

Avis: \***pulls another “truffle” out of the ground**\* Roxie?

Vladek: Yeah. She’s, um… Interesting.

Avis: \***immediately turns to Vladek, offended**\* You mean weird, right?!

Vladek: No. Interesting. \***after a pause, Avis goes back to digging and harvesting suspicious mushrooms**\* I actually find her to be very intelligent. Do you?

Avis: Well, obviously. She’s an artistic genius.

Vladek: Outside of art, though. She seems to have a very good perspective on how the world works. \***Avis completely freezes in mid-dig, then very slowly turns, stands up in front of Vladek, and takes his dirty gloves off, tossing them aside**\*

Avis: You’re not serious.

Vladek: \***shocked**\* Wh-- What?

Avis: Let me tell you a secret about Roxie: She’s nuts.

Vladek: I-- Well-- I thought she was one of her best friends!

Avis: There’s nothing wrong with being friends with someone who’s completely out of their mind! \***he smashes an insect on a tree, then eats it**\* Hm. They taste better when it’s raining.

Vladek: Uh… Huh.

Avis: But Roxie’s psuedointellectual ramblings are why-- well… \***he uncomfortably sighs**\*

Vladek: Why? Why what?

Avis: Oh… Please don’t tell her this… But I nominated Roxie to the Great Minds last year. She has all these theories about other dimensions. Specifically, one: Hell.

Vladek: Oh?

Avis: The way she described it, it sounded like she was trying to characterize the land of the damned as being a separate culture. A different world. One worthy of our respect.

Vladek: \***puts his hands in his pockets**\* And?

Avis: And it’s the stupidest thing anyone’s ever heard! \***picks up the bucket of mushrooms**\*

Vladek: It’s definitely different.

Avis: Rainbow asked her for evidence of her theory.

Vladek: What did she say?

Avis: I don’t want to talk about this anymore, okay?

Vladek: Why?

Avis: \***seething**\* Because I just don’t want to! Okay?!

Vladek: Alright, alright. I’m sorry.

Avis: Don’t tell Roxie I told you this and don’t mention her at the Great Minds, okay?

Vladek: I got it, don’t worry. \***Avis runs back to the greenhouse. A small swarm of the metal bugs buzz by. Vladek follows them deeper into the forest...**\* What could they want that’s not in the greenhouse?

*(After a rather long hike… It’s almost dark. Vladek finds himself in a small clearing of the woods. The small metal bugs illuminate themselves and actually provide a decent amount of light for Vladek to see… However, he takes his torch from his coat and lights it just the same.)*

Vladek: \***watches as the bugs hurry into a hole in the dirt ground-- there appears to be something freshly buried beneath that area. As soon as many of them enter, however, a tiny metal door slides over the top of the hole**\* Fascinating. Some of them don’t like working the night shift. We can all relate. \***a sudden rustling is heard in the nearby trees, causing Vladek to startle**\* !!! \***shines his torch towards the trees**\* Hello? Oh God, please be a deer…

*(An incredibly strange creature emerges from behind the trees and attacks a mouse, which gets away from it. The creature is humanoid in shape and completely covered in black fur-- except for its face and fingers. Its face resembles a particularly pointed crow skull with very thin eye sockets. It has four fingers on each hand/paw, and they are about five inches long each, and also appear to be bare bone. It has more fur around its chest, wrists, and feet-paws than anywhere else…)*

Vladek: \***screams and drops his torch, which is promptly put out. He turns around to run, but he ends up running square into a tree… He promptly back away from it, falls over, and faints...\***

*(An indeterminate amount of time later… Vladek can feel himself lying on his back. He blinks his eyes open. He has a splitting headache. He can see that he is outside, and it’s sunny. He can hear people talking. And he can see Avis’s greenhouse in the distance…)*

Vladek: Oh God… What the…

Avis: \***sticks his head in Vladek’s face**\* Rise and shine, porcupine!

Vladek: AH! \***bats Avis away and sits up**\* What happened?!

Avis: Well, you-- \***suddenly the creature that Vladek saw before he fainted pops up beside Avis**\*

Vladek: \***screams and puts his hands over his eyes**\*

Creature: \***sounds somewhat like a human imitating a chicken. Poorly.**\* Bok.

Vladek: \***terrified, still shielding his eyes**\* What is that thing?!

Avis: What? Kreep?

Kreep: Bok bok.

Vladek: \***slowly takes his hands off of his eyes and looks at Kreep**\*

Avis: He’s a horvid!

Vladek: A what?!

Avis: I’m not quite sure what horvids are, but they live in the woods around here.

Kreep: \***scratches the back of its own head**\* Bok bok.

Avis: Sometimes they try to sneak into my greenhouse to eat the websnaps and the Pandora’s wings! They can be awfully naughty. Sometimes I leave excess outside for them though.

Vladek: \***slowly gets to his feet and is shocked that Kreep is much shorter than he is. No on else would be shocked by this, as Vladek is seven feet tall.**\* Uh… \***he looks down at Kreep**\* Sorry… About last night. Uh… We don’t have horvids where I’m from.

Avis: Kreep, this is Vladek. He is your friend!

Kreep: \***screeches like a hawk and nods its head approvingly**\*

Vladek: Y-- Yeah. Nice to meet you too.

Avis: \***smiles at Vladek**\* Next time, if you must go into the woods after dark, take Kreep with you! Horvids know where everything is and they never get lost. I always take Kreep or one of his chums with me if I do any outside gardening after hours.

Kreep: \***nods**\*

Vladek: \***finally accepts this very strange premise and looks back at Avis**\* So um… What did you find out about those mushrooms?

Avis: They taste great with asparagus and they make me see really vivid colors.