Professor Proxy

*"Guards, send them home."*This article contains spoilers for important events or revelations of its respective storyline(s). Enter at your own risk.

## Personal Info

### Sessions Active

Session 1: "In and Out of the Quantum Fridge" - Present

## Relations

### Allies

Ophelia
Baphomini
Sir Gerard
Kander Jr.
Moveh Dramen
Nacho
Evan
Sock
The Nerd
The Beatles
Merriweather
The Nerd
Liquid Chris
Killgore
John "Skunk" Jones
Alice Howard

### Enemies

Blue Crab Cult
Raphael
Crabhemoth
Julius Caesar
Brutus
Friederich Vaughn
Turkinator
Trey
Nuckelavee
Polybius
Marlene
P.S.S.

## Powers and Abilities

### Powers and Abilities

Laser blastsEnhanced strength

**Ezra Beckett**, normally under the alias of **Professor Proxy**, is a major NPC from Professor Proxy's Wild Ride. He is a mysterious figure who somehow has a time-travelling school bus, and kidnapped the party to do his bidding.

## Personality

Professor Proxy is an unhinged egomaniac, who is too lazy or too scared to do his own dirtywork, shirking it onto others. He often threatens the party with extreme punishments, such as threatening to throw them all into the time vortex after Nacho threatened to break the signed Beatles vinyl the party just got. He seems incredibly uncaring of his companions' well-being, and repeatedly calls Sir Gerard "knight boy" to make him angry, despite knowing his real name.

## History

### Time and Place in Time and Space

Professor Proxy was a high-ranking member of the P.S.S. named Ezra Beckett, taking many anomalies back home, a caveman and a Viking being namedropped by him. Proxy eventually married Head of the P.S.S. Marlene. The two of them once had a jewelry box with their names carved in it, before it was eventually lost and ended up in the Space Between Spaces and in possession of the Bagman. They eventually broke up due to Proxy finding out she cheated on him, with him stealing a time vessel and going out on a quest.

### Professor Proxy's Wild Ride

Professor Proxy began his wild ride by kidnapping the various party members from their time periods, even freeing Ophelia from a literal witchhunt. Once all of the party members were collected, he explained that they would be doing various tasks for him, and if they decided they wanted to leave, the painful death known as the time vortex would soon await them. Their only choice at this point was to help him. He is asked by Kander Jr. if he has tea and crumpets, and he shows off his Quantum Fridge to them.

For their first task, they are sent to the temple of the Blue Crab Cult, to which they are tasked with stealing their project dead or alive, by any means necessary. He tells them not to worry about the cult's funny hats. He gives them earpieces after initially leaving, which are synced to his local timeline. The party soon asks him what to do next, to which he tells them to leave him alone as he is playing Call of Duty 40,000 on the PS42. Gerard asks him what those things are, to which he replies that they'll find out in a few thousand years. After the Crabhemoth is killed, Proxy helps the party get it into the bus, with him sharing the newfound food source with them. Some sample, and Ophelia asks what the Mountain Dew in his freezer is. He replies that she'll find out in a few hundred years.

Proxy witnesses Ophelia hitting the bus' "Rickroll Button," before the party is sent on their next task, getting a signed copy of *Help!* by The Beatles from the band themselves. He flies in after the concert trying to get a signature, but is forced to wait for the song to finish before the band gives him his prize. When Nacho threatens to break the record, Proxy threatens to throw them all into the vortex, and gets confused when Gerard asks Nacho why he'd risk all of their lives for a record. He also tells Gerard to cope, seethe, and mald because he calls him "knight boy," and didn't ask for his real name.

After time turbulence causes Ophelia to hit her head, Proxy goes to the 1980s and picks up Evan. Proxy's next directive is for the party to kill Julius Caesar, to which Moveh Dramen argues with him about. Upon Brutus revealing his true nature, Proxy is shocked that he is a "Time Fed." He tells them to worry about Caesar later, and to get Brutus now. Proxy later explains his prolonged history with the time feds.

Proxy preaches about how cool having a butler on the bus would be, and Nacho argues with him about it. He then takes them to the planet Vathos, telling them to steal the robot Merriweather from the Vaughn Showcase, and his creator Friederich Vaughn. Proxy drives the bus away as Vaughn retaliates after the party successfully steals Merriweather.

Proxy got mad at Kander Jr. for stealing his Grimace shake, saying that he'd have to go and get another one. He was offered the leftovers from Kander Jr.'s mouth, to which he recoiled in disgust.

Proxy then sends the party to Plymouth in 1621 in an attempt to get turkey off of the Thanksgiving menu. Eventually, the Turkinator was shoved into the bus, to Proxy's dismay.

Proxy then picked up Sock and The Nerd, giving the former a translation device, before sending the party to the Whaley House to retrieve the recipe and ingredients for Hi-C Ecto Cooler, to which he explains that the drink was discontinued because of ghost rights violations. The Nerd asks him if he has any alcohol, to which he says no, but then takes notes for later. After the party gathered the ingredients, Proxy made the Ecto-Cooler for them to enjoy.

Proxy, inspired by Nerd's request, takes them to Chicago in the Roaring 20's to get some prohibited alcohol from Al Capone, giving Nerd a bottle for his own and questioning if Evan should even have any. Proxy then let The Nerd play *Super Mario Bros. 3* on his NES.

Proxy decides to try and visit his friend Killgore in Medieval Scotland, though begins to panic when the bus is attacked by a Chronovore. After Proxy enabled the turrets, he performed an emergency crash landing, conveniently ending up on Anima Vendide, where he directs the party to the market and cave. The party brings him the Flux Capacitors, the power crystals, and his jewelry box, and they set off after he installed them and let them power up.

They end up visiting Killgore as planned, with him going in and talking to Killgore due to him not liking strangers. The party realizes Trey took the walking stick they're after, and Proxy joins the gang to come get it. Killgore offers to come along after the fact, though Proxy says no.

He takes the party to the Wild West to collect some golden beetles off of a train.

Proxy ends up sending the party to collect a Polybius machine, and in the process Proxy watches as Driving Guy passes out from using the machine. Proxy wires them into Driving Guy's mind, only to realize his and Billy Mitchell's minds merged together. After they unmerge their minds, Proxy decides he doesn't want the machine, and as an apology, offers to send them to the most prestigious hotel in all of time and then send them home.

Proxy drops them off at the Ishimura, before realizing shit hits the fan thanks to calls from his queries. He works to get into the hangar, and eventually succeeds, saving the party, John "Skunk" Jones, and Alice Howard in the process. He then feels a banging on the bus, as the chronovore returns and bites another chunk out of the bus, causing them to land in Neo Columbus, and be surrounded by the P.S.S.. After Marlene emerges, he lists off everything he did for her, before she lists his charges and arrests him, with him being sentenced to chrono-disintegration. Proxy is alerted that Gerard cucked him, and he is bewildered.

The party ends up surrendering, and after debate, go to save Proxy, with him helping them find a way out. He helps them fight Brutus and his men and destroy the chrono-navigator, and when The Nerd brings in the time watches, he offers to send the party home. The party declines, and he takes them to a ship in need of rescuing. They then set off on another adventure.

## Relationships

### Sir Gerard

Proxy has a rivalry with Gerard, frequently calling him "knight boy" to antagonize him. Over time, he grew to like Gerard, before learning that he cucked him. He hated Gerard for a while after, but since Gerard turned a new leaf, he began rebuilding their friendship.

### Marlene

Marlene was his former wife, having left him because Gerard's dick was bigger than his. Proxy was desperate to get her back, and in the end failed, giving up on this dream.

### Killgore

Killgore is a friend to Proxy, and possibly more, but their relationship is strained.

## Notable Moments

* Kidnapping the party
* Playing Call of Duty 40,000
* Eating the Crabhemoth
* Threatening the party over a signed Beatles record
* Arguing with Moveh over killing Julius Caesar
* Having a history with the "time feds"
* Buying a jewelry box for Marlene
* Making Ecto-Cooler
* Reinstalling the Flux Capacitor
* Almost killing Driving Guy with a Polybius machine
* Unknowingly sending the party to their deaths
* Getting cucked and arrested
* Getting his plan to send them home turned down

## Trivia

* Professor Proxy is a spoof of The Doctor from *Doctor Who*, and Professor Paradox from the *Ben 10* franchise, who is in and of himself a spoof of The Doctor.
* Professor Proxy is one of only a few characters whose icons were drawn by Chris-tian Mothman post-Heist and have a mouth.
* Professor Proxy's smile is inspired by Indrid Cold.