Randy

"They say friends are the family you choose, but I choose for you to not be my family" - *Jim in regards to Randy*

Randy Beltman is a rarely-seen JAR member. He is a identical mutant twin of Alex from an alternate universe who occasionally appears on the cast. He has given Alex the ability to fuck himself in the ass without the need of a portal gun. He looks very similar to Alex, being his twin, but strangely, Alex has never been seen on the cast with him. Randy is a fascist, homophobe, animal abuser, and bigoted in general.

In the alternate timeline where he came from, Alex has Jamie as a brother, but also four twins, Alex Jr. and Alex Jr. Jr., Spide, and Randy. The twins bullied Jim and eventually Randy killed him (by accident because he doesn't know when to stop). Even after killing his own brother, Randy is surprised by the fact that other people think killing is wrong. He later ventured to the main JAR Media timeline.

No one on the cast likes Randy; he often just shows up to family events despite no one wanting him to be there.

Though not appearing himself, Randy bought Alex a Christmas present in the 2023 Cringemas Special. Here, it is revealed that Randy is actually a specialist in Calligraphy, and James laments that he may possibly be the smartest member of Jar. Considering the present was a Dream mask, it could be theorised that Randy is also a Dream stan.

## Trivia

* Randy is usually seen wearing shorts which are so small you can see his dick bulge. One of his balls would stick out, or sometimes his entire cock can be seen out.
* Randy wears glasses which make him illiterate. (When using his phone, he just taps things until he gets what he wants.) He keeps them on because he says he has serious eye problems; his eyes will spasm uncontrollably if you take off his glasses. However, after James took them off, Randy was able to read.
* The other JAR lads have considered killing him and eating him. He seems to approve of this, as he wants a sky burial when he dies.
* Tombstone (1983) is about Randy, where he saves he town in the film.
* Randy has has serious eye problems; his eyes will spasm uncontrollably if you take off his glasses.
* His favorite game is *Gears of War: Judgment*. Additionally, he also plays Candy Crush.
* He hates William Dafoe, however, he loved his role in Aquaman (2018).
* He thinks The Lighthouse (2019) is "pretentious bullshit".
* He listens to System of a Down.
* He has shit on the floor at least once.
* Randy doesn't wear shoes or socks, believing them to be a government conspiracy,
* However, in his Juggalo form, Randy is clearly wearing socks, so his philosophy may have changed in the years since then.
* Randy does yoga to make himself more flexible so that one day he can be able to suck his own dick.
* Randy has another brother named 'Spide' although not much is known about this mysterious brother.
* On 27th of February 2023, Randy hacked into the Jar Media YouTube channel and was responsible for one of the many frequent logo changes during the 'Logo' era. The logo was a papyrus font abomination, Randy was promptly ostracised from the community once again after the change as the logo was replaced.
* Behind the scenes, Randy is head of the JAR Media Complaints department.

## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 https://youtu.be/cLcqQD4AqEA?t=1277
2. ↑ 2.00 2.01 2.02 2.03 2.04 2.05 2.06 2.07 2.08 2.09 2.10 2.11 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3X5L8yIvmlU
3. ↑ https://youtu.be/3X5L8yIvmlU?t=147
4. ↑ https://twitter.com/FourFunnies/status/1630179206494560256
5. ↑ https://twitter.com/FourFunnies/status/1632692927460769793
6. ↑ https://twitter.com/FourFunnies/status/1577930316647469056