Michael S

**Michael S** (born 21 April 1994) was a student from Ormiston Bushfield Academy who has now transcended the physical realm and its primitive knowledge to one of great insight and revelation about the world we inhabit. Michael S has been paramount to the distribution of ludicrous facts about the universe and to this day remains a champion of teenagers worldwide who believe they can dismantle years of empirical, scientific thought, unseen since the Golden Age of David Icke.

Michael S originally began his life as a kind of pseudo-rudeboi, where he would attempt to mimic the characteristics of that species but never really enact any of their philosophies. His views on politics had always been unorthodox, but they did not reach the nonsensical heights they have now until he departed from his education.

Although Michael S, and his beliefs, are shrouded in a considerable degree of secrecy, he has occasionally shared them with his former peers. Michael S devotes a substantial amount of his time trying to expose the 'true' motives behind some of the most clandestine institutions and corporations both of the past and present day.

## Early life

Michael S was born in Orton, Peterborough like the majority of the people on this site. He therefore naturally attended Ormiston Bushfield Academy for his secondary education.

## Education

At A Level Michael S took Politics and was taught by Mrs Edwards-Mckie. In year 12 Michael S managed to get a D grade for his AS Exam (which, according to him, was the highest grade in that class), but never received a grade for his A2 exam as he had inexplicably vanished from school life a few weeks prior.

## Politics

Michael S's political disposition has always been vague and disparate, but there is a strong consensus that it is a patchwork of opposing, incompatible beliefs drawn from both the left and the right. He has expressed unfavourable sentiments towards Communism but has also condemned a free market economy, whilst simultaneously denouncing anyone who criticises it. He has frequently conveyed his outrage at how the government treats the unfortunate and deprived, yet has vehemently objected to the "spineless benefits system" of the United Kingdom. He has even advocated slavery on numerous occasions, arguing "it can be a good thing" and that "all the biggest powers have used slavery". Michael S believes that anyone who is critical of capitalism, whether about the concept in its entirety, certain factors of it, or even certain circumstances produced by capitalism, is hypocritical, as they are appreciating and utilising what capitalism provides to convey their remonstrance.

In terms of his allegiance to any political party, he has remarked in the past that he does not subscribe to any particular established political doctrine. Michael S once implied to Harry Jones and Alex Hall outside the Media Department that the Labour Party is an entirely fictitious entity begot by the Conservative party to deceive the general population into believing they had choice and variety.

Michael S has recently become a critic of modern radical feminism. Between periods of dormancy, Michael S will contact Harry Jones through Skype with a common word or phrase emblematic of that model of feminism. Frequent terms include "patriarchy" and "cis white scum". Although Michael S's criticisms deserve merit, Jones has said that he finds it wearisome and laborious discussing the same topic ad nauseam.

## Conspiracy theories

Michael S is an avid conspiracy nut. He tends not to hide what wacky nonsense he believes in and has confided in a number of people about his views. Some of the most absurd include

### **Reptile conspiracy**

Michael S has confidently proposed that many of the world's most important figures are reptilian oppressors concealed by a human disguise. It is unsure whether their disguise is a complex perception filter or they are wearing human skin. During a Skype call with Michael S, Callum, Barbra McCauliffe and Edgar Spears mentioned the theory (to coax him into discussing it) and then openly mocked it before him. Michael S was quick to defend it, reasoning that "there's some shit we don't know. The government is definitely hiding things." Although it is common knowledge that governments maintain secrets from their people, it is unclear how from this basic fact Michael S managed to conclude that these world leaders are unquestionably a mysterious reptilian hybrid.

Jones pursued the theory online to see if there was any scientific, logical, or even plausible evidence for the extraordinary claim. However, the only source he could find was a forum focused on the theories of David Icke.

### **The British Royal Family**

Another theory put to the participants of the Skype call that evening was the Royal Sacrifice theory. This stated that Elizabeth II and the entire British Royal Family are responsible for a sex trafficking ring. It is unclear what their motives could be to conduct such a perilous operation. When Michael S was asked, he once again failed to provide any evidence. The only evidence that could be found to support this pertained to the David Icke forum once again.

### **Saville Sacrifice**

The Saville theory was the idea that notorious children's entertainer and paedophile (which are arguably synonymous) Jimmy Saville was routinely visiting Jersey to molest children and then sacrifice them to the Devil. Although it has been established that Saville was a ruthless paedophile, Jones, Nicholas and Hurley enquired as to what evidence Michael S had to support the satanic aspect of the story. This time he did provide some evidence. Other than the David Icke forum, he presented an image of a statue native to Jersey that did bear a resemblance to the image of the Devil from Judaeo-Christian theology. However, he did not elaborate how a statue could possibly have had any connection to the proposed series of events.

### **Dolphins**

Dolphins have a tendency to gang rape people by extending their 10 to 20 metre long penises, wrapping them around people, and dragging them off to be raped by many horny dolphins. He told Alex Hall and Jake Fisher that they often did this instead of rescuing people, and that a small girl had been found dead in a cave only accessible by the sea, covered in dolphin semen.

### **Evolution**

Michael S does not believe in Darwin's Theory of Evolution. One argument he put forward, that people ignorant of what evolution actually means often do, was "if we evolved from monkeys why are there still monkeys?". Evolution does not state we evolved from modern day monkeys, it states that humans and apes shared a common ancestor over 4-8 million years ago. Evidently he did not acknowledge this. He has consistently said evolution is not a fact because it is called a 'theory'. What he failed to take into account is that a 'theory' is used separately in ordinary English and scientific English. In scientific terms, a 'theory' means to provide an explanation from an accumulation of observable and rigorously tested facts. This also appeared to fall on deaf ears. Finally, he claimed that humanity cannot have evolved because they were "never the apex species", presumably meaning the strongest. He fails to factor in that what has consistently made homo sapiens (humans) a unique species is their ability to discern complexity and fashion tools to provide them with an advantage. This would have made homo sapien the strongest species. He also failed to acknowledge that an animal is only weak or strong relative to its environment and other animals in its proximity.

## Aggression

Michael S has a particular penchant for aggression and battle. Michael S is believed to have only ever been in one fight in his life, but this has lead him to assert that he is of an Herculean renown, and therefore it is common for Michael S to try to reiterate his strength. In particular, he is known for having been seen preparing his shoes on a number of occasions, either checking their suitability for curb stomping, or sharpening their edges ready for kicking. One evening, when roaming Ortongate with Harry Jones, Callum Hurley and a few others, he elected to kick a wall, subsequently informing the company that he was "checking [his] shoes to make sure they're strong enough for kicking someone's head in". It was never explained why Michael S would be required to "kick someone's head in", although it can no doubt be attributed to his need to profess his self-perceived virility.

There was also an incident where he attempted to secure Callum Hurley's support in battle by repeatedly querying as to whether Hurley 'had his back' in the unlikely event that they faced an attack.

Much of Michael S's behaviour is motivated by violence and although he speaks often and loudly of his military conquests, he has to date not provided any evidence of any such endeavours and it is presumed that he is chatting shit most of the time.

Michael S has confirmed he envisages himself as a "tough guy", once saying that "[he] saw [himself] as the natural leader of the gang" and that he was most definitely the "alpha male".

XD
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Michael S frequently uses that abhorred emoticon 'XD'. He also enjoys :P.