Jack and Jill

## Production

**Episode:** 25

**Date:** December 17, 1975

**Time:** 50:17

**Musical Director:**

**Vocals:** The Ladybirds

**Choreography:**

**Producer:** Mark Stuart

**Director:**

**Writer:** Benny Hill

## Episode

* Quickie: Don't Jump!
* A Host of Favorite Stars
	+ Liza Minnelli
	+ The Amazing Kreskin
	+ Moira Anderson
* Opener: My Darling, Lulu Belle
* Pearl And Plain
* Fred Scuttle: Mind Reader
	+ Is There Anything In It?
* Quickie: Disorder in the Office
* Quickies on a Dance Floor
* Jack And Jill
	+ At The Crossroads
	+ That's Life
	+ Kojak
* Eddie Buchanan - Mexican Cabaret
* Quickie: Dribble's Sights of London Trip
* Monologue: The New Vicar
* Quickies - 4
* Guests: Dilys Watling - That Ain't No Way To Treat A Lady
* Eddie Buchanan - Song of El Paso
	+ El Paso
* Tag: Sports Day

## Highlights

* Quickies on a Dance Floor
* Benny as Kojak
* Sports Day

## Cast

* Benny Hill
* Henry McGee
* Jack Wright
* Dilys Watling
* Eddie Buchanan
* Lorna Nathan
* Claire Ruane
* Jenny Westbrook
* Monica Ringwald
* Leanne Robinson (uncredited)
* Ellie Reece-Knight - Pearl and Plain shopper (unconfirmed)

## Quotes

* **Fred Scuttle** - "They tend to imply he was one of these male witches."
**Henry McGee** - "Warlocks."
**Fred Scuttle** - "That's what I said!"

* **Fred Scuttle** - "He's seen *The Exorcist* three times. I don't know what possessed him."

* **Dilys Watling** - "The chief clerk just raped me!"
**Benny Hill** - "Well, I can't do everything!"

* **Priest** - "Don't jump my son! Think of your wife and family!"
**Man on a Ledge** - "I am. That's why I'm jumping!"

* **Male Dancer** - "Remember, my dear, if we get married, we will have to keep it secret on account of my fans."
**Female Dancer** - "But what if we have a baby?"
**Male Dancer** - "Well, we'll tell the baby..."

* **Male Dancer** - "My dad taught me to swim when I was only three. He took me to the lake and tossed me in. I wouldn't have minded except everyone else was skating."

* **Male Dancer** - "My uncle lost a leg in Normandy."
**Female Dancer** - "We never found it."

* **Male Dancer** - "I'm going to stop telling lies."
**Female Dancer** - "I don't believe you."

* **Kojak** - "Clancy, did you check my tire?"
**Clancy** - "You still have four."

* **Kojak** - "No, lady, I can't go looking for your dog. Why don't you put an ad in the newspaper?" (*Kojak gets an unheard response over the phone*) "Your dog can't read...."

* **Jill** - "Is this the 42nd Precinct??"
**Kojak** - "No, lady, this is my back side."

* **Benny Hill** -"Reading a book called the naked and the dead... Reminds me of my wife."

* **Benny Hill** -"That's what the public wants... New faces."

* **Benny Hill** - "It took an hour to put out the fire. Two to put out the firemen."

* **Benny Hill** - "A woman like that could ruin a man... if he was lucky."

* **Benny Hill** - "She uses so much perfume that when she stands still, she leaves a puddle."

* **Benny Hill** - "Yesterday, she had four potatoes and custard, gefilte fish fingers, swee and sour tripe and jelly on chips."
**Jackie Wright** - "All the same day?"
**Benny Hill** - "All the same plate! She said, "What should I have to wash it all down?' I said 'Niagara Falls.'"

## Trivia

* Benny's opening impressions feature him as Liza Minnelli (with Jackie Wright as Charles Aznevour), the Amazing Kreskin (with Lorna Nathan as his assistant) and Moira Anderson singing "The Sound Of Music."
* "Kojak" was a popular American crime drama in the 70s. Benny eventually reprised the character in later sketches, particularly in Murder on the Oregon Express.
* Quickies for the episode feature an office employee (Dilys Watling) trying to tell her boss (Benny) she was raped, a Dribble's Sights of London of a man's bathroom, a social worker (Dilys) checking on an abandoned wife (benny), a courtmartial with judges (Eddie Buchanan, Lorna Nathan, Jackie Wright, Claire Ruane, Monica Ringwald and Jenny Westbrook), a wife (Dilys) waiting to the last minute to let her husband (Benny) keep his mustache as Dennis Hilley (Benny) introducing Dilys Watling.
	+ Benny and Henry McGee play the executed man and the excutioner.
* The "Quickies on a Dance Floor" features the cast dancing as couples. Benny is with Lorna Nathan, Jackie with Dilys Watling (she calls him Claude at one point) and Henry with Eddie Buchanan in drag. Leanne Robinson also turns up briefly dancing with Jackie, and Henry with Dilys. Eddie turns up as a wall flower toward the end.
* The Dennis Hilley quickie is a political parody of Denis Healey, who was Chancellor of the Exchequer in 1975 and involved in wage and price freezes along with tax hikes on the population.
* Dilys Watling sings "That Ain't No Way to Treat a Lady," and Eddie Buchanan sings "The Sing of El Paso."

## Sequence

* **Last Episode:** Tex Cymbal: Golden Boy
* **Next Episode:** The World of Sports