DP: All I Want for Christmas is Shy Guy to FREAKING BEHAVE/Transcript

(Derpy Phineas Late 2023 Logo)

Toad: There! The perfect snowman!

Snowman: I have osteoporosis.

Tony: Turkey’s done!

Aubrey: Go ahead, Tony.

Mia: (chuckles) (blushes) I love you.

Moses: I love you, too.

Derpy Phineas: (Peanuts teacher voice)

Beluga: (singing Christmas carols)

Ethan: What?

Tony: Turkey is here!

Shy Guy: Ooh! Wah!

Old Mary: Oh, no, you don’t. (nails chain to the floor) Behave!

Shy Guy: 😠 I want the turkey!!!!!!!!! 🥺😭

Derpy One: And we’ve been doing nonstop meme research since peace was restored!

Derpy Two: Hey, have you guys been training?

Both: Uh, no.

Derpy Phineas: We kind of got into a lawsuit with Disney XD and a lawyer Baljeet, so I’ve been a bit busy.

Ethan: Is that your new look?

Beluga: 😰

Tony: Ok, guys! The Christmas cookies are done! We’re going to have the best Christmas Eve ever! But we’re not done yet.

Aubrey: We just have the Christmas pudding left. NOBODY START EATING TILL WE’RE DONE!!!!!

Tony: I’m coming, Aubrey!

Shy Guy: 😠😡 Curse my stubby butt red arms!

Old Mary: So, I’m finally graduating next year and have to come up with a thesis. Know any topics I could write on?

Mia: Huh? Just a sec, love. Hmm? How about a thesis on the benefits of sleep.

Old Mary: That’s actually not a bad idea.

Mia: And I could be your test subject.

Shy Guy: 😡 Hmm?

Moses: So, I said… Hmm?

Shy Guy: (sus face) Moses, sneak me some food and I’ll share it with you!

Moses: Really?

Shy Guy: Yeah, now go! (throws him to Janelyz)

Janelyz: B E A N S

Moses: Uh, hi?

Janelyz: Get him off, get him off, get him off!

Mia: 😨 No, Moses!

Janelyz: GET THIS CRUD OFF MEEEEEEEEE!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! AH!!! GET THIS CRUD O…!!!!! Oof!

Derpy Two: Ok, so check this out!

Derpy Phineas: Uh, it’s a salt shaker?

Derpy One: No, no. It’s our latest in meme research technology. It’s a cure for cringe.

Derpy Two: We’ll show you. Derpy Phineas, do something cringe.

Derpy Phineas: Uh, uh? I’m in love with the memes!

(cringe)

Derpy Phineas: What?

Anti-Cringe Salt: (shaking)

Derpy Phineas: (lights on fire) AHHHH, IT BURNS!!!!! (anti-cringed): Hi, how are ya?

Dark Phineas: 😂 Oh, my gosh, Derpy Phineas! You feeling ok, bro?!

Derpy Phineas: Let’s be friends!

Dark Phineas: 😱 (kicks Derpy Phineas to Janelyz)

Janelyz: AHHHHHH!!!!! GET IT…

Mia: (gasps)

Moses: (lands in good soup) (lights on fire) (screaming)

Mia: Moses!!! (takes out the fire with a bucket of water)

Moses: (passes out)

Mia: Moses? (crying while angry) You! You jerk!!! 😡 (goes to her room)

All: (look at Shy Guy)

Old Mary: Shy Guy! 😡 What did you do?!

Shy Guy: But, but Shy Guy didn’t mean to. He just wanted some food.

Janelyz: Dude, that was low. Even for you.

Dark Phineas: Great going, idiot! You ruined Christmas!

Beluga: Uh, uh. No! Christmas isn’t ruined! Some music will cheer us up! Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala!!!

Janelyz: Oh, gosh! Make it stop!

Derpy Phineas: (head blows up)

Dark Phineas: (screaming in pain) Here, take this.

Ethan: Thanks! Stop it!!!!! (pours Anti-Cringe Salt over Beluga)

Beluga: Lalalalalalalalalalalala…!!! (turns into a peanut)

Ethan: Oh, thank gosh.

Janelyz: Yes! The jingle is defeated!

Derpy Phineas: (normal): Ow, my head. What happened?

Old Mary: Shy Guy really hurt Mia.

Shy Guy: But…But Shy Guy didn’t even do anything!

Derpy Phineas: You should really go and apologize to her, man.

Shy Guy: I don’t get it. It’s just her stupid boyfriend!

Old Mary: Dude…

Mia: (back in 2014): Will you be my boyfriend?

Baby Mario: Disgusting!

Mia: 🥺 Hmm?

Old Mary: Moses means the world to her. She’s been caring for him ever since 2014.

Moses: (back in 2014): You got one!

Mia: 😍

(flashback pictures from 2016, 2019, & 2022)

Now…

Old Mary: And you really injured him, Shy Guy.

Shy Guy: 🥺😭 Shy Guy’s sorry!!!!! I'll apologize right now! Oh, Mia… Mia? I’m sorry. 🥺 Holy crud!!!

Mia: You! (summons Abominable Snowman)

Abominable Snowman: To you who mocked Mia, die.

Shy Guy: 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

🤤

Derpy Phineas: So, how did it go?

Shy Guy: M-m-mia’s very mad.

Old Mary: Darn it. It’s worse than I thought. Ok, here’s what we’re gonna do.

Beluga: 🥺

Janelyz & Ethan: (listening to T-Dubs)

Shy Guy: Hey guys! Can you help Shy Guy and play some Christmas music?

Beluga: Yeah! Woohoo!

Ethan: I’d rather die than let Beluga take over the AUX again.

Janelyz: Yeah! Why the heck would you want to listen to that cruddy music anyway?

Shy Guy: Because of…

Christmas Spirit

Shy Guy: (claps)

(Christmas memes appear as the background)

Ethan: Whoa! What the heck?!

Janelyz: How is the background changing?!

Creepy Santa: Hey.

Janelyz: 😱

Shy Guy: You see! Christmas is a time all about friends and family! And fun music and good times! Shy Guy learnt that over the years.

Ethan: Ok! Ok!!! We’ll play the music if you make this nightmare end!!!

Shy Guy: (laughing)

Beluga: Yay!

Derpy Phineas: Interesting.

(1962 Western music)

Derpy One: Ok, go for it!

Derpy Two: (shows the new girl meme)

Dark Phineas: (shoots it with the Anti-Cringe Salt) Kachow!

Cringe: (turns into anime)

Anime: (Japanese crud)

Mr. Krabs: Money, money, money, money, money!

Derpy Two: Yeah! Success!

Derpy Phineas: Hey, guys? I need your help to make it snow in here. Reckon you could help?

Dark Phineas: Are you paranoid?! We can’t just make it snow indoors!

Derpy One: Wait, there is a way. With enough of this stuff, we could make it work. But we’re gonna need a lot of it.

Derpy Phineas: Ok, cool! So, we’ll just go buy some!

Derpy Two: No. There’s only one way to harvest this kind of salt.

Both: (wut)

Toad: (playing Raid Shadow Legends)

Game over yeahhhhhhh

Toad: (screaming in defeat) (turns into anti-cringe salt)

Both: Oooooooooh!!!

Depresso: Hehe boi. (Uploading profile picture to Tinder)

Your profile picture violates the Terms of Service

No horiffic images

Depresso: (crying) (turns into anti-cringe salt)

Karen: (Peanuts teacher voice)

Mario: I wish I had a crud to give. (Kicks Karen into the cart of salty Karens)

Both: Thank you!

Both: (laughing) (go into the league of legends Internet cafe)

Both: (turned everyone into anti-cringe salt) (laughing)

Meanwhile…

Old Mary: Well, goshdarn! Hmm?

Abominable Snowman: (roars)

Old Mary: Yah! Hey! Here’s some Christmas cookies! (throws one at him)

Abominable Snowman: (eating it)

Old Mary: That I baked.

Abominable Snowman: (uh oh) (Peter Griffin dying sound effect) (dies)

Old Mary: Mia!! MIAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Mia: Old Mary?

Old Mary: Mia! Shy Guy wants to talk to you!

Mia: 😳 I don’t wanna see him right now. Look at poor Moses. 🥺

Old Mary: Oh, no. Mia, please just trust me on this. Shy Guy’s really sorry.

Mia: 😳 (her mind: oh, fine) (walks down) Huh?!

(It’s snowing!)

Tony: Haha! (eats chicken) (head shrinks) That’s a bit too salty.

Anti-Cringe Salt Shakers: (shaking)

Old Mary: Okay, she’s here! Places everyone!

Mia: 🤨😳

Beluga: I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need. I just want you for my own. More than you could ever know. Make my wish come true!

Ethan & Janelyz: (come up with rock band instruments)

Mia: Hmm?

Beluga: All I want for Christmas is youuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!

Ethan & Janelyz: (rocking out All I Want for Christmas is You)

Beluga: 😄 (gets kicked by Shy Guy) Ahhhhh!!!

Shy Guy: Hey, Mia.

Mia: (her mind: What am I gonna say?)

Shy Guy: Shy Guy’s sorry!

Mia: 😳 Hmph!

Shy Guy: Shy Guy knows how much you love Moses. I’m very sorry to have put him in danger.

Mia: 😠 Okay, all good! (hugs Shy Guy)

Shy Guy: (hugs her back)

Old Mary: 😁

Mia: Yay! You hear that, Moses?

Moses: (wakes up) Sure do! (flies to the tree)

Mia: Huh?

Moses: (circling star releasing Christmas spirit)

All: 🙂 (clapping)

Old Man Jenkins: (imitating Santa): Hohoho! Merry Christmas!

(Late 2024 Outro)