Jesse Ventura

> "*I decided to run for governor because I got mad...*" - Ventura, *I Ain't Got Time to Bleed* (1999)
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Jesse Ventura is a professional wrestler, conspiracy theorist, and American politician who ran under the Labor Party ticket in the U.S. Presidential Election of 2012, alongside running mate Adrian Adonis. Through a charismatic energy he managed to secure support within the party, and was even praised by inner-party opposition such as Bernie Sanders, for his seemingly having no motivation other than to promote socialism in the United States. Though he did well in preliminary polls predicting the outcome of the 2012 election, he quickly ruined his chances of securing the presidency when, during a heated verbal argument with Joe Biden during the third presidential debate, he screamed "You wanna see a real monster of a man?!" before ripping his shirt off, flexing aggressively and roaring, and then power bombing Joe Biden through his podium. This led Biden to break two vertebrae and subsequently contracting polio. Although Biden beat Ventura and all other opponents in the election, he had to carry out the entirety of his second term in an iron lung, and Ventura only recieved a total of 14 votes in the bid for the presidency.

## Presidential Debate Controversy

As the presidential race was nearing its end, Ventura was doing considerably well, narrowly beating Biden by .8% in preliminary polls. The third presidential debate hosted by CNN was seen as a shining oppertunity for Ventura to cement his lead over Biden, and hopefully steal votes from the two minor candidates, Paul Ryan and Buddy Rohmer.

The debate started well, with Ventura making key points and giving a powerful condemnation of Biden's ineffective attempts at addressing the strengthening disparity of wealth between social classes, and the large increase of joblessness and poverty. The crowd roared in approval, and debate moderators had to pause the debate to silent the crowd so that Biden's response could be heard. Biden, visibly rattled, gave a weak but sincere response, apologizing for his shortcomings and promising to make up for them in a hypothetical second presidency. Ventura booed, but the crowd did not follow, and several moments of awkward tension ensued before Ventura went into a long monologue, stating that when Biden was "out of the office, we'll celebrate with fireworks."

This prompted Biden to then criticize Ventura's lack of accomplishment of as governor, pointing out that, in his 10 years of governorship, the only real legislation Ventura had passed was the legalization of fireworks. Ventura retorted by suggesting firework legalization was a "tremendous breakthrough for the liberty of partygoers everywhere". The moderators attempted to steer the debate elsewhere, but to no avail: for the next seven and a half minutes, Ventura and Biden repeatedly returned to the topic of fireworks.

As the moderators tried to bring a close to the debate, tensions ran high. Then, Biden made the crude remark that "this guy goes on about fireworks, but he didn't see any when he lost the World Team, Team Tag Championship to the *High Flyers* back in, in the year, or whatever year that was."

This clearly went too far. Ventura's face glossed over, and, in a fit of rage, he screamed, "You wanna see a real monster of a man?!" before tearing his shirt off, roaring, flexing aggressively, and power bombing Joe Biden through a debate podium, breaking two of his vertebrae. Though Ventura walked back to his podium and apologized, the audience found it insincere, particularly when he stated, "I hate to do it to him, but I gotta do what I gotta do." He was then apprehended by police but disappeared from his holding cell, and did not resurface until the day of the election.

## Minnesota Incident

Knowing full well he had destroyed his chances at the presidency after severely injuring Biden, Ventura attempted to take radical measures by camping out in front of the voting booths on the first day of the election; as soon as the doors opened, he rushed inside and voted for himself 14 times before being apprehended by police. As he was being read his Miranda rights, he declared the succession of Minnessota: the U.S. Federal Government recognized the succession and denounced it as "An act of supreme treason", discounting all following votes cast by the state's residents as punishment for their act of rebellion. This led the booths to shut down early, and Ventura carried the state with only 14 votes, all of which he had cast himself.