Muller

**Muller** is a sentient deity that is as old as time itself. She was the first human to ever exist and has been known for many impressive accomplishment throughout her billion year lifespan.

## Muller

### Affiliation

The Akkadian Empire (former), The Roman Republic (former), The Roman Empire (former), The Xia Dynasty (former), Federation of Intergalactic Empires, Byzantine Empire (former), The Richard Nixon Presidential Administration (former, resigned after Watergate), German Empire (former, 1916-1918), Holy Roman Empire (former), Cresskill High School, The Ottoman Empire (former), The Kingdom of Heaven (former), Hell, The Massachusetts Bay Colony (former) The Omayyad Caliphate (former), The Filipino Army (former), Democratic Party (left after the civil rights movement), The Japanese Empire (former), Turkish armed forces (former), League of Chess Players (former), Chai Lai Angels (lead actor), Thailand (former), The Solomon Islands (former), San Marino (former), Salem Witch Trials (got hung but lived), etc.

## Origins

Muller was born at the beginning of time at around 14 billion BC. She was created as a middle man between good and evil. Muller has been administrating the endless war between god and satan for about 6 thousand years. She is the ultimate mastermind between good and evil, God and Satan, Yin and Yang, Zeus and Hades, Pee and Poop. She has been funding this spiritual war as a way to make millions of dollars so she can continue funding Tennis at the local high school.

## Muller Throughout History

### Mesopotamia and the Akkadian Empire

It is a well known fact that Muller created the first civilization which was Mesopotamia. She did this by inventing farming. She also was top advisor to Sargon of Akkad and helped him build the Akkadian Empire.

### Ancient Greece

Muller was the most influential philosopher of Ancient Greece. She invented the Pythagorean theorem and also invented the world's first functioning toilet when she was in ancient Greece. After the Romans took over in around 300 BC, she left for Rome to become a senator.

### Roman Republic and Roman Empire

After the Romans conquered Greece, Muller served as a 3 time senator to the Roman Republic. When Rome became an empire, she became the second Emperor of Rome and ruled with an iron first before being ousted.

### The Xia Dynasty

It is another known fact in Chinese history that Muller created the Xia Dynasty, the first Chinese Dynasty. Aside from inventing China, she also invented Chinese food and Asian women which did not exist prior to her arrival to China (many Asian men dated black women instead until Muller invented Asian Women)

### Medieval Europe

Muller once accidentally sneezed on a Romanian village. This would lead to the black plague which wiped out 2/3s of Europe. After ruining Europe, she joined the Mongol Empire and helped them in the sacking of Baghdad.

### Involvement in the Islamic Golden Age

It is common knowledge that Muller helped kickstart the Islamic golden age when she invented Chicago Deep Dish pizza, the delicious taste of this pizza helped lead many of the greatest minds of the Islamic world to usher in an era of technological innovation, all thanks to Muller and her Chicago Deep Dish Pizza.

### Helping Columbus

It is well known that Muller helped Columbus to sail to the western hemisphere. Muller warned Columbus not to sneeze as it may lead to mass genocide like she learned the hard way with the black plague. But Columbus did not listen, sneezed, and killed over 100 million people in the process.

### The French Revolution

Muller invented France in 1788 just so she can start a revolution in it 1 year later. She helped Robespierre kill counter revolutionaries and was made second in command of the Jacobin faction, though she would be guillotined one year later for such actions, but due to her immortal state she survived, got bored, and left. If muller stayed, she would've held power instead of the Directory and Napoleon would have never come to power as a result.

> "*I still regret leaving, I could've been emperor of the French instead of Napoleon. I need to make better choices*" - Muller (on her involvement in the French Revolution)
>
>

### Involvement in the Slave Trade

Muller was against slavery and the slave trade. On several occasions Muller attempted to destroy boats with slaves in them in order to slave them from the slave trade. She also fist-bumped Abraham Lincoln and told general Sherman to do the scorched Earth policy as revenge for slavery on the CSA.

### The First Pickleball Team

Muller invented Pickleball in 1843. The first Pickleball team consisted of

* Abraham Lincoln (front court)
* Jesus Christ (back court)
* Kaiser Wilhelm ll (front court)
* John F. Kennedy (front court)
* Rebecca Black (back court)
* Muller (team captain)
* Brian the Dog (back court)

This team won the 1843 Pickleball championship in Gambia. Muller's team has won every single game since then.

### Muller in the Vietnam War

Muller was known for fighting in the Vietnam War. She single handedly ended the conflict by settling it over Pickleball. The Vietcong won and the US pulled out. She won 80 noble prizes as a result of such peacemaking skills.

## Role on the Jamoose Table

She taught Dance Class, Pickleball, Tennis, and Yoga to the Jamoose Table members from 2014-2021. She was never heard from again after the Jamoose members graduated in 2021.