Hjorton Clautpong biography

## Introduction

Who is Hjorton clasotpung? is a question many a sttronkenslare have asked throughout the history of the religion. The name is often seen in holy text, and he even has his own codes; for example, the kittas hus article is designated both as *kitta code: 505* and *Hjorton cloutpong code: 505*. This leads some to belive that hjortong is one of kittas avatars, but it has been debunked.

In fact, Hjorton was an early follower of stronchensle and his codes include some of the earlist dated sources on such subjects as kittas hus, ancient morf, overstronking etc. Hjorton is often forgotten to mention among the newer preachings.

## Summary

Below we have provided a short summarization of Hjortons life for those that dont want to read the full story:

Born into the silver age of strånchonsle in Norway in 1599, Hårtån Sverkerson den II was the son of Sverker Stålkukk, a powerful count at the time. His grandfather, Hårtån Sverkerson-Vasa, was a Swedish warrior with legendary strength and was nicknamed "Plåtpung" for his incredible prowess with his nutsack. The family ties Hårtån to Swedish royalty and the Vasa family. Hårtån discovered jarkulating at the age of 14, which led him to explore the world of strånchensler, despite his family's disapproval. He corresponded with Dzhibril Al-Broammad, a 200-year-old priest from Sahara and the first true high priest of kitta, learning everything there was to know about stronchansler. After his father disowned him, Hårtån became a nomad, traveling the world and educating himself and others in strånchensler. He helped Al-Broammad finalize the strånking codes, and in doing so, was crowned a High Priest of Kitta. Hårtån continued his travels and worked on his own "Hjorton Cloutpong code". In 1622, while drinking in a bar in Turkey, Hårtån was attacked by radical stronchenslarre, and he defended himself by unleashing his impressive nutsack, killing two men and breaking a knife. The onlookers mistakenly called him "Cloutpong," which became his new surname. Hårtån continued to travel the world, teaching his strånk techniques and jarkulating, and was revered as an iconic messiah and Al-Broammad's true successor. He disappeared in 1631.

## History

### Childhood and first contact with stronking

##### Legacy

HJorton was born in Norway in 1599, in the period known as the silver age of strownchonsle. His name given at birth was Hårtån Sverkerson den II, born to Sverker Stålkukk, a mighty count in norway at the time. He was named after his legendary grandfather Hårtån Sverkerson-Vasa, A warrior with swedish origin who once killed a legion of danish invaders using only his enourmous nutsack (His nickname was "Plåtpung", whisch many theorize is where Hjorton found inspiration for his later name "Cloautpong". His grandfather ties Hjorton to swedish royalty and the Vasa family.

##### Adolescence and the discoverance of jarkulating

In his early years, hjorton lived a peaceful life, since his father was well off he had a secluded life, mostly meeting the maids and servant boys in his fathers palace. Hjorton was 14 years of age when he aciidentaly discovered how to jarkulate. He had been raised christian but quickly understood that his belief and practice was something wholly different to his background. Because of his family connections, he could discuss his findings with the high academic world. In secret, Hjorton wrote letters to all kingdoms in the western world, asking them about jarkulating and his visions of kitta meant. Most of the readers were merely confused and wrote back saying that it was just his puberty playing tricks. But of all the letters, he recieved one from an elder priest of sahara, who had lived through the 1458 scandal using esoteric stronking practice. This 200-year old priest was named Dzhibril Al-Broammad, and is today known as the first true high priest of kitta and the grandfather of modern strånchenslar practice (today, most stronkers believe that the first period 1364 - 1458 was a great misunderstanding of kitta belief).

##### Continued discussion with Al-Broammad and exilement

Hjortong continued over a three year period to write back and fort with Al-Broammad, learning everything there was to stronchansler. Hjortons father Sverker Stålkukk disapproved of his sons belief, as he believed that stronking was an evil satanic cult in disguise. Eventually, Al-Broammad would reveal that Hortons own grandfather (Hårtån Sverkerson-Vasa) was a legendary stronchenslare and the author of the first and only "book of kitta". This made Stålkukk furious, knowing that his great father was a stronker and that his son would follow drove him to disown hjoron, casting him out of the family and denying him of his inheritance.

### His time as a nomad: 1618 - 1626

After being cast out hjorton also lost the ability to write with Priest Al-broammad. But Hårtång was well on his way to becoming a priest himself. For the next years hjorton would travel the world, educating hismelf and others in the practices of stronchansler. on his 20th birthday, he made the long travel from Gotland to the Sahara, meeting Al-Broammad who tutored Hjorton with many esoteric strånk teqniques. During his time in Sahara, Hjorton helped Al-Broammad to finalize the strånking codes, and in doing so was finally crowned a High Priest of Kitta. Shortly after this, Hjorton continued his travels and started work on his own "Hjorton Cloutpong code". One of the most important event during his nomadic time was in Ölabrö 1624, when he saw Kittas hus and one of the earliest sightings, he wrote his findings in the code entry 505. After this Ölabro became the hotspot for kittas hus sightings.

##### Barfight in turkey

Also to note is when he took the surname "Cloutpong": in 1622, hjorton found himself in West Turkey, in a barroom drinking rum. Some radical stronchenslarre who followed the earlier version of the religion (1346-1458) was sitting and discussing with horton. They had heard about his reputation as a new priest and hated him for his new practices. The discussion came to a pont where hjortong accidentally insulted the men, so a barfight broke out. When one of the radicals drew knife to stab hjorton, he unzipped and threw out his impressive nuts infront if him, breaking the knife and killing two men. One watcher in the bar is reported to have yelled out "HE IS THE GRANDSON OF PLÅTPUNG SVERKERSON!", but because of his turkish dialect it sounded more like "Clautpong" which Hjortongs followers started chanting, and Hjorton adopted the name, and some kitta followers have today learned how to harden ur nutsack to become your own "cloutpong".

### The last years 1627 - 1631

Hjorton was now a legend, travelling even to America and east Asia to spread his teachings. He was so good at both strånking and jarkulating that many people accepted him as strånchensler iconic messias and Al-Broammads true successor that was just so nice and holy for his heart and savior. Hjorton also set a world record in 1631, in the town square of Ölabrö he performed a thousand doublestroke strånks in a row, and although he was weakened he performed an impressive display of jarkulator techiniques, setting the jarkulating record for 333 jarkings in one hour. MAny stronchenslar came up to him to ask how he survived the overstonk and went on jarkumbobulating, to which he replied "Min kitta är het för dig hoaning". This made every woman in a 300 kilometer radius get preganant.

#### Dissapearing and speculation

in early 1632, hjortons history came to a mysterious end. Hjorton was nesting on gotland with some other high priests, when one day he got a letter from the Norwegian state saying that his father Sverker Stålkukk had passed and that hotorn was the rightful succesor to his fathers title and shire as the new count of plåtpung county. Hjortor left Gotland for Norway to claim his shire, hoping to establish a legendary new house of kitta worsip in northern Europe, and continuing his grandfathers legacy.Somewhere in Sapmí on the way no Stålkukk county, hjortong disappeared without a trace. Before the journey Hjortong had specifically told his priests to stay on gotland and that he must travel alone. This has roused many discussions in the strånkenslar world, and the followers have come up with these theories.

###### Suicide

Some believe that the weight of being the worlds leading stronker was to much for hjorton to handle, so he quietly suffocated himself in the snowy mountains. This theory does not explain the traceless aspect of his vanishing.

###### Enlightenment

The most popular and widely accepted theory for hjortons sudden vanishing is that he found kittas hus in sapmi, entered the house and transcended into a higher plane, truly becoming one with kittas hoaning and the true heart and saviour for his holy heart and tre ankre.

###### Stålkukk trap

A few followers thought that the letter written to hjorton was a trap, and that his vengeful and jealous father lured hjorton to norway in order to kill him. This theory is not particarly strong, since Hojtrotn would have easily dispatched of his father with the infamous "Cloutpong defence", and that the evidence would be very hard even for Stålkukk to cover up.

###### Hoax/Identity change/Norwegian coverup

A surprisingly large group of followers believe that hjorton, upon his return changed his name and ended his religous duties in order to settle down and be a calm and peaceful farmer on the stålkukk countryside, giving the shire away to the norwegian king. This theory is debated, since no official documents of Norway detail the aquiring of Stålkukk shire until 1823, leading some to believe that the state erased the evidence.