Fake TPOT 7: Canned Laughter in the Rain

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Because the real-life version of this episode has already been released, this page can **no longer be edited**, except to correct the smallest spelling mistakes or to add/modify the episode's description.

"**Canned Laughter in the Rain**" is the non-canon seventh episode of *TPOT* by Jacknjellify. It was released on 12 March 1975. This episode is only headcanon to me, that is, until the real TPOT 7 (or even TPOT 2) comes out. During some of the creation process, this episode was known as "**Welcome Back, Lodger**". An alternate title of this is (could be?) "**They Want a Dollar Song**".

Previous episode: "The Seekers Are Inn!"

Next episode: "The Switchgate"

## Pre-credits scenes

### **EXIT**

**Scene**Unlike most episodes, this one begins in the EXIT. A mostly silent scene, we first get a view of the whiteboard, on which someone (presumably Four) has written "No transforming into part-humans allowed!" Camera pan to the EXITers, starting with **Pencil**, **Match**, **Bracelety** *etc.*, all the way down to **Liy**. She is not in her part-human form any more.
* **Li****y**: [*sighs*] Hugggggggh.

[*A laugh track plays loudly in the background at her suddenly becoming human.*]

* **St****a****py**: You've been making those noises all day.
* **Li****y**: Yeah, because I'm an object again. Now I've got to start my journey all over.
* **St****a****py**: To what, looking better than Foldy?

[*Liy slaps Stapy, causing a staple to be produced.*] hahahahahaha

* **St****a****py**: Ooh, that felt nice. hahahaha Do that again!
* **Li****y**: This journey is for *me*; I care nothing about looking like some busted-up polygon. hahahaha
* **St****a****py**: Well, sorry for asking.
* **Li****y**: Don't act so offended after last night. I'm sure she's doing just fine.

### **Outside**

**Scene**It is raining where the show takes place. Many of the contestants are situated under umbrellas, pavilions, large rain-catching devices (thanks, Tennis Ball) *etc*. The Strongest Team on Earth congregate (without Snowball).
* **F****old****y**: [*getting up*] Oh? I feel a great disturbance, as if millions of voices suddenly said my name several months ago. hahahaha
* **E****g****gy**: I feel it also. haha
* **Baske****t****ball**: It's probably the patron saints of personality telling you to turn it up a notch. /s hahahaha
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: That's a good idea!
* **B****e****ll**: Notches are groovy! haha

[*Camera pan to Just Not, who are sitting on picnic blankets under two umbrellas.*]

* **Nic****k****el**: I'm just so mad!
* **C****a****ke**: Last time I checked on you, you were sad.
* **Nic****k****el**: Well, I'm sad and mad!
* **C****a****ke**: Are you mad about Balloony and Cloudy telling you that they're not your real parents?
* **Nic****k****el**: No, Cake. I'm mad because they cancelled *Object Madness* for a third time. /s hahahahahaha
* **C****a****ke**: Nickel, I don't know why you're letting it out this way. Just do what any other angst-filled coin does and scream.
* **Nic****k****el**: I should do that, shouldn't I? ***AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!*** hahahahahaha

[*He catches the attention of Naily and Price Tag, who are having a tea party next to them.*]

* **N****a****ily**: Whoa, so much for being the quiet one.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: I know, right? What's the issue, Nickel?
* **C****a****ke**: Oh, he's just going through some family problems right now. [*to Nickel*] So did that make you feel better?
* **Nic****k****el**: I feel like I should be exorcised. hahahaha
* **C****a****ke**: Well, working out can be fun. haha Anyway, I thought you already had a dad.
* **Nic****k****el**: That's what they keep telling me, and they say I call him all the time. How should I believe that?
* **C****a****ke**: Wait a minute... let me see those pictures you carry with you.
* **Nic****k****el**: You mean my wallet?

[*He takes his wallet out of what TV Tropes calls the "Hammerspace" and gets two pictures out.*]

* **C****a****ke**: Now who's in that one?

[*Cake points to the "Beep family photo", taken during BFB (after Leafy was eliminated). More specifically, he points to Balloony and Cloudy.*]

* **Nic****k****el**: I'd tell people they were the greatest superheroes there were. But that's obviously a lie now.
* **C****a****ke**: And show me the other one.

[*He shows Cake, and consequently us, a much older-looking picture, of a tiny Nickel smiling and posing with two smaller coins and a MePhone.*]

* **Nic****k****el**: Well, there's me, and then there's the real greatest hero I've ever known, my— [*He pauses.*] Oh, mint. This is my dad. haha
* **C****a****ke**: Wait, you didn't know that's your dad?
* **Nic****k****el**: I keep forgetting!
* **C****a****ke**: You were on the phone with him fifty minutes ago! hahahaha
* **Nic****k****el**: So *that's* who I was talking to. haha

[*Cake "face-soles", but he puts it down slowly.*]

* **C****a****ke**: Look, Nick, I may not be a control freak like Clock or have Winner's public speaking skills, but I think you should really talk things out with... you know...
* **Nic****k****el**: Oh, that's what I'm going to do. Eventually.
* **C****a****ke**: Well, how about now?

[*Jump cut to Nickel approaching Two, who is still sitting on their throne, surrounded by vast amounts of accumulated wealth.*]

* **Two**: What's up, Nipple? hahahaha
* **Nic****k****el**: Hey, Two, can I go inside the hotel and find Balloony?
* **Two**: No. haha
* **Nic****k****el**: What?
* **Two**: You have to wait in the queue like everyone else.

[*Two shows Nickel a clipboard with the names of all the people waiting to be let into the hotel. Almost every name on there is that of Dora.*] hahahaha

* **Nic****k****el**: Wait, it's all Dora?
* **Two**: [*deadpan*] Always has been. Ba-*zoom!* hahahahahaha
* **Nic****k****el**: Dora's not even here right now!

[*Jump cut to Pillow and Book, horsing around in the rain.*]

* **Bo****ok**: You were right, Pillow, it is fun to troll! hahahahahaha

[*Back to the main scene.*]

* **Two**: You will still have to wait.

[*Enter* **Coiny**, **Pin** *and* **Needle**.]

* **Co****i****ny**: Oh boy, is this where the line forms?
* **Nic****k****el**: Coiny, wait, don't stand so close to me!
* **Co****i****ny**: What are you, the police? hahahaha

[*Coiny falls down and lands right behind Nickel; it's too close. Money starts to rain from the point of their collision.*] hahahahahaha

* **[** **Need****le** · **P****i****n** **]**: Hallelujah! hahahaha
* **S****aw**: Uh, Two, do you know how much money they've cre***8***ed? haha
* **Two**: Hmm. I'd say two*OOOOOO**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!*** hahahaha

[*The intro plays.*]

## Cake at Stake

* **Two**: It's time for the first Cake at Stake of the second act of *The Power of TwoOOOOOO**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!*** hahahahahaha

[*The intro plays again, but instead of the title at the end, it shows the words "Cake at Stake".*]

* **E****g****gy**: Seriously, we've just heard the intro.
* **Two**: That is today's Cake at Stake song. In the meantime, I've hired new songwriters to give us something catchy.
* **T****r****e****e**: [*in the audience*] Hmmph. haha
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Hurry up, I want to know who gets eliminated! hahahaha
* **Two**: Well, come with me and I'll tell you!

### **Cake at Stake place**

**Scene**Everyone has gathered to watch someone from The S! get eliminated for the second time.
* **Two**: The S! You lost last time, so your team was up for elimination. Now, would anyone like to know who is safe with the most votes?
* **Yellow Face**: Mmm, who is it?
* **Bot****tle**: Yeah, who? I want to know! hahahaha
* **Puffball**: [*in the audience*] Uh! haha
* **Two**: That lucky person is Clock, who got [*number*] votes.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: That's a good number.
* **Two**: Because we're entering a new stage in the game, you all actually get cake this time!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: This isn't another one of your tricks, is it, Two?
* **Two**: *Au contraire,* my time-stopping *frère*. hahahaha The cake this episode is a pair of noise-cancelling headphones!
* **Yellow Face**: Yeah! Noise-cancelling! haha
* **Winner**: Oh, I've always needed a pair of those.
* **Two**: Next in the safety sequence: Cloudy.
* **Cloudy**: Thanks for another addition to my collection!
* **Two**: Bottle, you're also safe! And so are forever-dancing Winner and Yellow Face.

[*They all get headphones. Yellow Face eats his.*]

* **Yellow Face**: What? Tastes like a competitor's brand.
* **Two**: That it is!
* **Yellow Face**: You don't know anything! hahahahahaha
* **Cloudy**: Wait a minute, if everyone else has got their headphones, does this mean Rocky is eliminated?
* **Two**: It sure does! You're such a smart cookie, Clock, I mean Cloudy. So Rocky is eliminated!

[*Jump cut to the farewells.*]

* **Winner**: It was a pleasure working as a team with you, Rocky.
* **Cloudy**: At least you will be with someone who loves and cares about you. But you'll be dearly missed.
* **Roc****ky**: Bulleh! [*vomits on Cloudy*] hahahaha
* **Cloudy**: I need a minute to collect these memories.

[*Exit* **Cloudy**.]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: I'm not usually an emotional mess at these things... and I'm still not. hahahahahaha Goodbye, Rocky.

[*Rocky is about to enter the hotel.*]

* **Nic****k****el**: Wait! I'd like to offer my brother an armless hug before he leaves.
* **Roc****ky**: [*shaking his head as in BFDI 21*] Bull-*humph!* hahahaha

[*Without pausing,* **Rocky** *enters the hotel.*]

* **Winner**: Ulgh, tough break, Nickel.
* **Nic****k****el**: It's fine. That's just how he is. Just hope he's got a nice life in the hotel.

[*This scene, which takes place in the hotel lobby, can be heard but not seen.*]

* **Roc****ky**: Bulleh! [*vomits on the floor*] Bulleh-lel-lel-lel-lel-lel! [*vomits in many directions*] hahahahahaha
* **Ho****p Be****ll**: Little child, your look, it pains me. You need to go up to your dad's room.
* **Roc****ky**: Bulleh! [*vomits on Hop Bell*] hahahahahaha

## Pre-contest

### **Outside**

**Scene**The laugh track gets so loud that everyone seems to notice. It seems repetitive, as the previous joke isn't that funny any more.
* **Golf Ball**: Okay, where is that laughter coming from?
* **Snowball**: Get out of my head now! haha
* **Ma****r****ker**: Now you know what it's like in my mind, guys! hahahaha
* **Two**: What laughter? I don't hear anything.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Two, I order you to get off your little throne and hear it for yourself!
* **Winner**: Well, that's a rude way of putting it.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: I mean, *please*. hahahaha

[*Two gets down.*]

* **Two**: [*has an ear spontaneously grow between their eyes*] Oh yeah, I can hear it now.
* **Baske****t****ball**: Join the club!
* **Gra****ssy**: There's a club? hahahaha
* **Baske****t****ball**: It's an expression.
* **F****old****y**: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a Damaraland mole-rat. hahahahahaha
* **B****e****ll**: Yeah, isn't laughter the best medicine?
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: That and electrical currents. hahahaha
* **Donut**: Well, it's a little annoying. Can you make it stop?
* **Two**: That... [*looks at index cards*] seems to be your next challenge!
* **Barf** **Bag**: Yeah, yeah, challenge time! Yeah, yeah, yeah!

[*Everyone on her team looks at her.*]

* **Barf** **Bag**: What? With Two, you just get into the nitty gritty. No offence, Donut.
* **Donut**: Nah, I like my context.
* **Eraser**: [*shoves Donut*] hahahaha So what's the c—
* **Two**: Glad you asked! Your challenge is to find the source of this incessant laughter and put it out! If I still hear laughter from a team by the time I visit them when night falls, you will be up for elimination! Go!

## The contest

### **Outside**

**Scene**This is where all of the contest takes place.
#### With Are You Okay

[*Golf Ball and Tennis Ball are seated in the centre of their team's meeting, holding clipboards and a few books.*]

* **Golf Ball**: Thank you, Tennis Ball, for carrying these heavy books for me. If I were any larger, I would do it myself.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: I feel valued! hahahahahaha
* **Golf Ball**: Now, Are You Okay.
* **Rest of the team**: Yeah? haha
* **Golf Ball**: Ugh, that wasn't a question.
* **Puffball**: But we know you were getting our attention.
* **T****V**: Let's not elaborate further.
* **Golf Ball**: Never mind. haha

#### With Just Not

* **Nic****k****el**: Er... hey, team. Would you mind if I sat out the contest?

[*Silence.*]

* **C****a****ke**: Come on, guys, it's for a good reason!
* **N****a****ily**: Well, sure.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Our team's big enough anyway.
* **Pill****ow**: I am the queen of the mountains! hahahahahaha
* **Nic****k****el**: Are you sure? I mean, I could always be useful later.
* **Bo****ok**: If it's okay with our team, it's okay with me. I mean, as long as you don't ***ABANDON*** us!

[*Beat.*] hahahahahaha

* **Bo****ok**: Sorry, force of habit.
* **N****a****ily**: Run along, kiddo.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: If we run into something important, we'll fill you in.
* **Nic****k****el**: Cool.

[*Exit* **Nickel**.]

#### With The S!

[*Cloudy observes Nickel walking over to the hotel. He senses what is going on and is thinking about following him.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: Earth to Cloudy?
* **Bot****tle**: Earth is cloudy! hahahaha
* **Yellow Face**: And rainy! hahahaha
* **Bot****tle**: *Eeeeee*-heeheeheehee! hahahahahaha
* **Cloudy**: Oh, sorry. I was wondering... if I could go ask Two to see Balloony.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: But the challenge!
* **Winner**: [*to Clock*] Come now, the cumulus lost his second-cousin removed to the plague. [*to Cloudy*] That's what's been going on, right? haha Sorry, I've been playing a long game of Goikyan whispers— hahahaha
* **Cloudy**: Yeah, yeah, it's fine.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: [*inhales*] Okay, you can go.
* **Cloudy**: Thank you much.

[*Exit* **Cloudy**.]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: But the challenge!
* **Winner**: Clock, I think you need to learn a thing or two about people. haha
* **C****l****o****c****k**: [*sighs*] Understood.

#### With Are You Okay

[*Golf Ball and Tennis Ball are still in the middle of their team formation. They—the entire team, that is—are reading books. Eraser has his upside down, though I doubt he seems to care.*] hahahahahaha

* **Golf Ball**: *Team* Are You Okay? [*emphasizes the "team" part*]
* **Rest of her team**: Yes?
* **Golf Ball**: [*Aside.*] Darn it! hahahaha TB and I have made several intriguing findings in the big, wide, wonderful world of biological lections!
* **Puffball**: [*translating to the rest of the team*] Golf Ball has an answer.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: The source of the laughter seems to be a migratory insect called the *laughing bug*.
* **Eraser**: Laughing bug? That's such a lame name! hahahaha Why can't it be something cooler, like *lightning bug*? Those exist, right?
* **Golf Ball**: There is already a *lightning bug* in the nomenclature, otherwise known as—

[*Enter* **Lightning**. *He makes his presence known.*]

* **Lig****htni****ng**: Excuse me, but I heard my name. Were any of you calling me?
* **Golf Ball**: Strike somewhere else, Lightning Bolt! This is a meeting for the members of our team only! hahahaha
* **Puffball**: She doesn't want you to hear about the laughing bug. hahahahahaha

[*Golf Ball makes that face.*] hahahaha

* **Puffball**: Uh... pretend I didn't say that.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: I have all the information I need.

[*Exit* **Lightning**, *flying away.*]

* **Puffball**: This team's great at keeping secrets! hahahaha

#### With Death P.A.C.T. Again

[*Enter* **Lightning** *to the current scene: the rest of his team are doing research from books. Marker is wearing the book on his head, though I don't think he minds.*]

* **Lig****htni****ng**: Happy news, everyone!
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: You can blend in with the weather. hahahahahaha
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Well, that. *And* I know where the laughing is coming from!
* **Fan****ny**: Good. I *hate* laughter! hahahaha
* **Lig****htni****ng**: They call it the *lightning bug*.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: But there is already a *lightning bug* in the nomenclature. haha
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Och, no, that's not what they call it... the bug the laughing's coming from, it's— it's called—

[*Enter* **TV**, *nonchalantly.*]

* **T****V**: [*imitating Tennis Ball*] It's called the laughing bug.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: That's what it is! haha
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Oh, hey, TV.

[*TV displays a screen that says "Hello world".*] haha

* **T****r****e****e**: [*suspicious*] So, Lightning, apart from going to pick up TV, why were you with the other team?
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Oh, uh...
* **T****r****e****e**: You know that team is full of murderers, right? hahahaha
* **Lig****htni****ng**: They didn't seem murderous to me.
* **T****r****e****e**: Please, I bet they're planning to kill me again as we speak.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Tree, poo-lease. hahahahahaha
* **T****r****e****e**: I'm serious! I think some of those people are [*looking back*] Mafia. haha
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Tree, where'd you even get that— [*realizing*] *Oh.* We'll talk about that later. But now it's time we discussed the lodge incident. Fanny?
* **Fan****ny**: Finally! As I was saying, the mad one's eye is—
* **Snowball**: [*running towards the team*] Uhbububububububu! hahahahahaha Me take TV!
* **T****V**: Okay.
* **Fan****ny**: I lost my train of thought. I hate trains! hahahahahaha

#### With The Strongest Team on Earth

[*Snowball sets TV on the ground. He then begins to yell.*]

* **Snowball**: ***GIVE US THE NAME!*** hahahaha
* **B****e****ll**: That's not quiet.
* **T****V**: You want me to tell you?
* **Gra****ssy**: Grassy wants to know!
* **Baske****t****ball**: You can trust us; we used to be teammates!
* **T****V**: [*imitating Tennis Ball again*] Laughing bug. haha
* **E****g****gy**: Cool name.

[*Enter* **Naily**.]

* **N****a****ily**: Hi, people. haha
* **Baske****t****ball**: What are you doing here?
* **N****a****ily**: We'd like to borrow TV, please.
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: You're not on our team!
* **N****a****ily**: Neither is TV. hahahaha
* **Baske****t****ball**: But—
* **N****a****ily**: [*inviting TV to walk with her*] Kthxbai!
* **Baske****t****ball**: Ò! hahahahahaha

#### With Just Not

[*Naily sets TV down in the middle of her team. This is after he told Just Not about the laughing bug.*]

* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Alright, we have the answer! haha
* **Bo****ok**: Now that you're here, how would you like to be our temporary replacement Nickel? [*Pause.*] If that's okay with everyone.
* **Pill****ow**: There's no difference to me!
* **N****a****ily**: I don't mind, do you Cake?

[*Cake whimpers as he did in episode 1.*]

* **C****a****ke**: He's... scary. haha
* **Bo****ok**: Cake, he's a television. They don't do much. hahahaha
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Well, I'm not watching television. Isn't that right, Nickel?
* **T****V**: [*playing the II scene in which Nickel laughs evilly at Suitcase*] A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. *Ah-ha!* hahahahahaha

[*Cake whimpers more.*]

* **T****V**: [*producing BFDI clips again*] Sorry, bad joke. And the wrong Nickel. No yeah, I won't bite. haha
* **C****a****ke**: Promise?
* **T****V**: [*imitating Coiny*] There's nothing to be afraid of—Cake—I promise.
* **C****a****ke**: Aww.

[*Enter* **Coiny**.]

* **Co****i****ny**: Hey, is that my voice? Come on, TV, you must have the answers!

[*He drags TV with him.*] haha

### **Outside the hotel**

**Scene**Two sits on their throne, wearing unfashionable sunglasses (not the kind Nine wears) in the rain. haha. **Nickel** approaches them.
* **Two**: Hello, Nickel! Still thinking about entering my hotel, are you?
* **Nic****k****el**: Well, yeah. Can I go in?
* **Two**: Has your team got rid of the laughing yet?
* **Nic****k****el**: Knowing them, probably not. haha
* **Two**: Then no. hahahaha You're meant to be with your team doing the challenge!
* **Nic****k****el**: Yeah, but—

[*Enter* **Cloudy**.]

* **Two**: More people. hahahaha
* **Cloudy**: Hello, Nickel.
* **Nic****k****el**: Hey... Cloudy.

[*Awkward silence for a few seconds.*]

* **Two**: Okay, you can go in!
* **Cloudy**: Really? What made you change your mind?
* **Two**: I hate the awkward silence even more than the constant laughter! hahahahahaha
* **Nic****k****el**: Well, we—*I'll* get out of your way, then.
* **Two**: Not so fast. In an hour or two. I'm still waiting for the twentieth Dora to check out. hahahaha

### **Outside**

**Scene**I hope you've realized that there's a difference between "outside" and "outside the hotel". The image of the TPOT setting in my mind might not be the same as the one in yours.
#### With The S!

[*The S! have perhaps been cursed with the most intense laughter. Not only is no one trying to stop anyone from catching it, but Bottle and Yellow Face are laughing together with it.*]

* **Winner**: [*who has been lecturing Clock*] And that's what I mean by an attitude adjustment, yeah?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: I guess I never thought of it that way. I'll remember to be a little—
* **Winner**: A *lot*.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: A lot nicer to my teammates and friends. hahahaha
* **Winner**: And hosts.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: I'm not going that far.
* **Yellow Face**: [*Aside, to Winner*] Wow, you've calmed down the baby dictator. hahahaha What's your secret?
* **Winner**: I promised him a full-back massage every day. It's-y what he really need-y. haha

[*Enter* **Needle**, *who slaps Winner.*]

* **Need****le**: Don't call me Needy! hahahaha

[*She slaps Winner again.*]

* **Winner**: What was that for?
* **Need****le**: I think you *know*, mwahahahaha. hahahahahaha
* **Winner**: Can you, um— [*their voice suddenly turns to Needle's in BFB 15*] mind your own business?
* **Voice of the audience surrogate**: Ooh, burn! hahahahahaha
* **Need****le**: Okay, bye.

[*Exit* **Needle**.]

* **Winner**: I think he's beginning to see the world differently.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Hey, everyone, look. We can use the headphones we got at Cake at Stake to protect ourselves from the laughter!
* **Yellow Face**: Solutions!
* **Bot****tle**: I love myself a good execution! hahahaha
* **C****l****o****c****k**: And now, let's just put our feet up and relax.

[*He begins to doze off in his beach chair.*]

* **Winner**: Guess this means no massage time. hahahaha

#### With Are You Okay

* **Golf Ball**: Attention, team! We have more information about the laughing bug!
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: There are six laughing bugs scattered around the area, presumably one for each team.
* **Puffball**: [*dramatically*] This can only mean one thing. hahahaha
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Here's another thing: the bugs come in two colours. Invisible green and invisible blue. haha
* **P****en**: Wait, if the bugs are invisible, how can they be—
* **Golf Ball**: Shush! hahahaha
* **Eraser**: So how can we escape them?
* **Golf Ball**: Well, the bug is bound to follow one of us, so let's all go in separate directions until we know whom it is following!
* **Puffball**: Sounds good to me.
* **Golf Ball**: Tennis Ball and I are going to walk in [*points one way*] this direction. Puffball, you fly upwards, because these bugs can fly. Eraser, Pen, you go the [*points the other way*] opposite direction. Got that?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: What about TV?
* **Golf Ball**: [*sees him having a chat with the team8s*] He's already started his walk. You people should thank him for being the second or third most efficient member of Are You Okay! hahahaha
* **P****en**: [*calling to him*] *Thanks, TV!*
* **Eraser**: Well, let's walk.
* **Puffball**: Or fly!

[*Beat.*]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Third? hahahaha

#### With the team8s and Just Not

[*Just Not are watching Donut's stand-up comedy routine—his team has identified where the laughing bug is located and are gathered around it so it doesn't escape. Gaty is sitting to the side.*]

* **Donut**: So I go to the deli and the guy working there says, "What'll it be?" Of course, I tell him, "Anything but donuts." hahahaha And he goes, "Oh," all disappointed-like. So I say, "Yeah, I'm on a diet." hahahahahahahaha

[*The team8s all laugh as the camera shows Just Not's perspective.*]

* **Co****i****ny**: Haha, cannibalism!
* **N****a****ily**: Wow, that's some straight-up comedic timing.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Who knew he had it in him?
* **Bo****ok**: But wouldn't telling jokes to the laughing bug make it laugh louder?
* **C****a****ke**: Exactly!
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: I like the joke routine, though. haha
* **Bo****ok**: We'll have to make some really bad humour. But who's the worst joker of all of us?

[*Everyone looks at Naily.*] hahahaha

* **N****a****ily**: Hey! My memes may not be as dank as they used to be, but they still get chuckles. hahahaha I said that right, didn't I, Taggy?
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Yeah. hahahaha
* **N****a****ily**: Nyee-hee-hee.

[*They low-five.*] hahahaha

* **C****a****ke**: Why not ask Pillow?
* **Bo****ok**: Uh, sure. Pillow—
* **Pill****ow**: Yeah, I tell bad jokes. If *bad* stands for *beautiful, amazing and discerning*! hahahahahaha
* **Bo****ok**: Technically, that spells "BAAD". hahahaha

#### With Are You Okay and Death P.A.C.T. Again

[*Pen and Eraser are obeying Golf Ball's instructions by walking in reverse.*] hahahaha

* **Eraser**: How long do we have to do this?
* **P****en**: I don't mind! It's nice to see the hotel shrink as we walk back.
* **Eraser**: Sure makes your bedroom escapades seem smaller, eh?
* **P****en**: Eyy!
* **Eraser**: Nah, just kidding, man.

[*As they walk a little further, the rustling of leaves can be heard. It's Tree, whom neither Pen nor Eraser have noticed.*]

* **P****en**: Sorry, buddy, didn't see you there!

[*Pen trips and falls into Tree's arms.*]

* **P****en**: Whoa!

[*Eraser does the inhaling-breath-cringe sound thing.*]

* **P****en**: Hi! haha

[*With a growl, Tree snaps Pen (off-screen), seemingly in half. Everyone on his team looks at him in shock. Even Black Hole.*] hahahahahaha

* **P****en**: Ow!

[*Tree throws Pen to the ground like some kind of wrestling person.*] hahahaha

* **T****r****e****e**: [*Aside.*] Woof, that hurt.
* **P****en**: I know you like to play, Tree, but did you have to do that right here?
* **Eraser**: Come on, bro, let's try to win GB's sympathy.

[*They walk back. Pen readjusts his cap.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: I am *appalled*.
* **Ma****r****ker**: Hi, appalled, I'm Marker. hahahahahaha
* **Fan****ny**: I hate people who don't keep their promises!
* **T****r****e****e**: Relax, that move won't kill him, let alone get him hurt. It's a bit like when you crack your knuckles.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: What are knuckles? hahahaha
* **T****r****e****e**: Never mind. My point is, he who sends the big pink loser to kill me must be punished. hahahaha
* **Fan****ny**: With a strongly-worded letter, not by you going full animal!
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: I agree. Listen, this is getting out of hand. Whatever happened between you two, it's beyond me, but I really think you're looking at things the wrong way. Let Fanny tell you about the mad one's eye, before you start *causing* death, instead of preventing it. [*to Fanny*] Ready?
* **Fan****ny**: Finally! The mad one's eye is—

[*Enter* **Two**, *spontaneously. Everyone screams.*] hahahahahaha

* **Fan****ny**: Curses! hahahaha
* **Two**: Have a listen, everyone. [*smiles*]
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: I don't hear anything within one metre.
* **Two**: Exactly.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Hey, the laughter! It's gone!
* **Ma****r****ker**: No, it's not.
* **Fan****ny**: Marker, your head. hahahaha
* **Two**: And do you know where the laughter has come from?
* **Lig****htni****ng**: I know! It's called the laughing bug!
* **Two**: That's correct! Death P.A.C.T. Again, you are the first one safe!

[*Everyone on the team cheers, albeit tiredly. Exit* **Two** *as spontaneously as they appeared.*]

* **Lig****htni****ng**: So to clarify, this happened in some manner, so?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: The laughter died as soon as Tree slammed Pen onto the ground.
* **T****r****e****e**: Sure, put it that way and *I'm* the monster. hahahaha
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: You've got to admit, he did do something useful, by falling over.
* **Ma****r****ker**: That's right!
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Pen caused the death of a laughing bug, so that we wouldn't have to, just by using his weight.
* **T****r****e****e**: Stupid linguine fretter. hahahaha
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Hey, how'd you know he wouldn't break when you snapped him, anyway?
* **T****r****e****e**: Turns out he's really flexible in, er, certain situations. haha Must be all those years of playing baseball.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Maybe I should get myself an athlete.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: What would you do with an athlete?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Press elevator buttons together, Lightning. /s hahahahahaha
* **T****r****e****e**: No worries for him, though; the effect wears off after an hour or so.

### **Outside (an hour or so later)**

**Scene**The rain has cleared up and the sun is about to set..
* **Narrator**: An hour or so later. hahahahahaha

#### With Are You Okay

[*Golf Ball and Puffball return from their own journeys. They see Eraser and Pen.*]

* **Eraser**: *And* fixed.
* **Golf Ball**: Oh my place where golf balls are created, what's with him?
* **P****en**: Ran into a tree.

[*Eraser mouths "He got beat up".*] hahahaha

* **Golf Ball**: Will he be alright to do challenges?
* **P****en**: Guess so.
* **Eraser**: That's it? No "Are you okay?"
* **Golf Ball**: I thought you people told me to stop saying that. haha Anyway, the laughing bug was stalking Puffball as she flew up, so she vomited and therefore silenced it, haha which means our team is safe.
* **Eraser**: [*very deep voice*] Yay. hahahaha
* **P****en**: I thank you, Puffy.
* **Puffball**: Don't call me that, you semi-fine gay dog. hahahaha But really, are you okay?

### **Outside the hotel**

**Scene**Nickel and Cloudy are still waiting for Two to let them inside the hotel. They do not say a word to each other.
* **Nic****k****el**: Now can we go in?
* **Two**: Hold on. See over there in the background?

[*Two points to where The Strongest Team on Earth are. Snowball is seen whacking the ground with his fists as the rest of his team watch him with bored eyes.*]

* **Two**: It looks like another team that isn't one of yours will be declared safe.
* **Cloudy**: You can stop rubbing it in.
* **Two**: I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere.

[*Exit* **Two** *out of nowhere.*]

* **Nic****k****el**: So... Cloudy.
* **Cloudy**: Nickel.
* **Nic****k****el**: You're waiting for Balloony too, huh?
* **Cloudy**: Yeah. But it's not like he's going to show up.

[*All of a sudden, enter* **Balloony** *as he leaves the hotel. He carries a brown suitcase with him and wears a fedora.*]

* **Cloudy**: Balloony, you're back! haha
* **Balloony**: I'm about to go.
* **Cloudy**: What's with the hat?
* **Balloony**: You really want to see me make my grand exit in a kilt?

[*Beat.*] hahahaha

* **Nic****k****el**: Can we... er... talk?
* **Balloony**: Alone?
* **Nic****k****el**: All three of us.
* **Balloony**: Well... sure. Talk away.
* **Nic****k****el**: Balloony, please don't leave on my account. I shouldn't have told you that I never want to see you again. I was a little selfish up there. To you— [*to Cloudy*] and to you. You two may not be my real dads, but you made competing in BFB real special, that's for sure.
* **Balloony**: Aw, I accept your apology.
* **Cloudy**: So do I. I think I'm going to rain. haha
* **Balloony**: And I apologize too. Pure. We could have told you earlier that we adopted you, I suppose technically, because we were all on the same team.
* **Nic****k****el**: Guess we were all bad here. hahahaha
* **Cloudy**: Yes, all bad indeed.
* **Balloony**: Anyway, that's not why I'm going away from this hotel.
* **Nic****k****el**: No?
* **Balloony**: It's not. I just think a whole life of partying after BFB isnae for me. I appreciate the reels and the dancing all the time, and all the food you can eat and things like that, but I've git duties that I must catch up with in my post-competition life. Ruby and Bubble have gone back home and I should gang too. Jings, crivvens, help ma boab, I've got to get a job!
* **Cloudy**: Where will you go?
* **Balloony**: Wherever the wind takes me, I guess. That or wherever Woody is.

[*He walks out of the doorway but stops when he sees his BFB family in front of him. An instrumental that sounds suspiciously like "Slipping Through My Fingers" from* Mamma Mia *begins to play.*]

* **Cloudy**: Wait! One more picture before you leave?
* **Balloony**: Why not?

[*Balloony takes his camera out for a selfie. Just as he is about to take the photo, Rocky comes out of Balloony's suitcase haha and joins the last group picture they will take for a while. They're all smiling, but there is a great deal of poignancy that is usual in farewells between family members. Click!*]

* **Cloudy**: It loks like Rocky has crawled inside your briefcase.
* **Balloony**: The little one wanted to come along. He's going with me no matter what Two says.

[*Balloony closes his suitcase so Two won't notice that Rocky is gone.*]

* **Nic****k****el**: You're a great dad, Balloony.
* **Balloony**: I know that.

[*He begins to float upwards, a bit like in BFB 18 (but more natural, not out of elimination).*]

* **Balloony**: Aweel, looks like I'm off.
* **Cloudy**: So this is adieu.
* **Balloony**: No! Don't you let it be a *goodbye*! This is *BRB*!
* **Nic****k****el**: BRB, Dad!
* **Cloudy**: We miss you already!
* **Balloony**: [*more distant now*] *Win for me, boys!*

[*Cloudy and Nickel look ever upwards at Balloony as he (with Rocky) floats towards the setting sun until disappearing into the horizon. Fade to black.*]

#### With Just Not

[*Most of the team (that is, Book, Cake, Naily and Price Tag) have arranged themselves in the same "comedy ring" formation that the team8s were (and are still) in. Pillow stands in the centre—she knows exactly where the laughing bug is.*]

* **Bo****ok**, **C****a****ke**, **N****a****ily** and **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Bad joke! Bad joke! Bad joke! Bad joke!
* **Pill****ow**: Here's number three! Your mom is so maternal that you don't have your own personality but are maternal as well! Ha! hahahaha

[*The laughing bug still laughs.*]

* **Bo****ok**: Oh, it's not working!
* **C****a****ke**: Quick, Two's coming! Another joke!
* **Pill****ow**: How many mechanics does it take to change a lightbulb? A mechanic! hahahaha

[*The laughing bug still laughs.* **Two** *gets bigger.*]

* **Pill****ow**: I'll bring out the big one. [*dramatically*] Why... did the chicken cross the road?

[*Pause.*]

* **Pill****ow**: To get... to the other... side. hahahahahaha

[*The laughing bug goes silent. Even it knows that's a stupid joke.*]

* **Two**: Nice job, Just Not, you're the last team that is 100% safe!
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Phew!

[*Enter* **Nickel**, *smiling slightly.*]

* **Nic****k****el**: Hey, what'd I miss?

## Post-contest

* **Winner**: Eh, Two? I'm a little confused.
* **P****i****n**: So am I! Are both of our teams up for elimination?
* **Two**: Well, you both failed to put out the source of your team's unceasing laughter!
* **Bot****tle**: Heehee! You said *un*. hahahaha
* **Two**: *However*, there is a crucial difference in how your teams handled the situation. [*to The S!—including Clock, who is snoring in his little chair*] hahahaha Esses! You failed to do anything about your team's bug.
* **Winner**: I guess we're losers for a third time.
* **Yellow Face**: [*humorously*] Goodbye, everyone!
* **Two**: But wait! Team8s! You *did* do something!
* **Co****i****ny**: We always do things. haha
* **Two**: Yes, but what you did was make things worse. Can you hear it?

[*An ear grows from between Two's eyes as before.*] haha

* **S****aw**: The noise is even more gr***8***ing now!
* **Donut**: I guess it liked my comedy show too much.
* **Barf** **Bag**: Ah, don't worry. You're still a combination of funny and serious to me. hahahaha
* **Two**: That's right! And that means that the team8s are up for elimination for the first time ever! [*smiles*]
* **G****at****y**: What? This can't be real!
* **Two**: I'm sorry, but the rules are rules. Right, Clock?

[*Clock is still on the seat, snoring.*]

* **Two**: He says yes. haha
* **G****at****y**: No, I mean, I'm going to be the first one eliminated from here!
* **Donut**: That's not true.
* **G****at****y**: Yes, it is! I'm boring! Bland! Simply forgettable!
* **E****g****gy**: Hey, Gaty, that's not true. If anyone's forgettable, it's Foldy! hahahahahaha
* **F****old****y**: Yeah! I'm the... hey, wait a minute. hahahaha
* **G****at****y**: It doesn't matter if you all don't see me as boring, because all the viewers will!
* **S****aw**: G***8***y, don't look at it that way! You *did* something. You organized this comedy ring all by yourself.
* **Donut**: And you've convinced me that being funny gets you far.
* **Barf** **Bag**: And you saved me last episode, just by opening the door.
* **S****aw**: You may be a little on the quiet side, but you're the best team***8*** a construction tool could ever ask for.
* **Donut**: And I know the rest of our team can vouch for that. Right, guys?

[*Coiny, Pin and Needle don't listen. They simply walk towards the hotel, quite steamed.*] hahahaha

* **Need****le**: Dang it, we lost!
* **Co****i****ny**: I'm off to the bar! hahahahahaha
* **P****i****n**: Right behind you!
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: [*eating popcorn with Naily*] Now that's trashy TV show material. hahahahahaha

### **Voting screen**

**Scene**The team8s are up for elimination. Two gives the voting spiel.
* **Two**: Vote in the comments using the letter and square brackets for who you don't want to be eliminated! Vote for who you want to stay! The person with the fewest votes will leave the show! hahahahahaha And enough with the laugh track! hahahahahaha—

[*The laughter is finally interrupted by the credits and the post-credits scene.*]

## Post-credits scenes

### **Outside the hotel**

**Scene**Death P.A.C.T. Again are sitting around a makeshift campfire.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Tree-yee, come on. The rest of us have apologized to Pen.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: I don't know why you hated him so, Tree.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: He bought us snacks.
* **Fan****ny**: And he's kind of cute.

[*Everyone looks at Fanny.*]

* **Fan****ny**: I hate when he smiles in that smug way of his, but he said my favourite word in episode 1!
* **T****r****e****e**: I don't say sorry to people who are too weak to fight me themselves.
* **Ma****r****ker**: Fighting?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: You've always hated fighting. When we first met, you told me it was icky, and for people of low intelligence.
* **T****r****e****e**: I did say that, didn't I?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: I've got it in writing.
* **Ma****r****ker**: How does Black Hole write?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: He has his ways.
* **T****r****e****e**: You know what, Fanny? Why don't you tell us the story of the mad one's eye right from the start?
* **Fan****ny**: Finally, I've got my chance! [*inhales*] The mad one's eye is—

[*It starts to rain, which puts out the campfire.*]

* **Fan****ny**: Aw, curse word, it's raining!

[*She gets up.*]

* **T****r****e****e**: No, Fanny, stay here!
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Tell us the story.
* **Fan****ny**: [*as she walks away*] No way! I won't tell anyone a story until this rain stops! I hate the rain! It always gets in the way and forces me to find a place where I can shelter myself from the water! And I hate getting wet! You know, most of you are lucky that you aren't made out of electronic crap like I am because there's always a chance I...

[*The rest of the team look at one another as a comical music sting plays, ending the episode.*]

**THE END**
## Deleted scenes

* Directly before the beginning of the contest, Lightning was originally going to comment how Two's intonation was the same as it was in episode 1. He was also going to ask himself why he said that (as in the beginning of TPOT 3). It was changed as Two's dialogue (*i.e.*, the introduction to the contest) was made more specific.
* When The Strongest Team on Earth were learning of the name of the laughing bug, Eggy was going to tell everyone a long story about her childhood playing among the insects.
* After Balloony floats away in the episode's plot climax, Cloudy and Nickel were going to talk some more instead of there being an immediate fade to black. Here is the original dialogue.

**Cloudy**: I'm going to miss him.
**Nic****k****el**: Me too.
[*A few seconds of silence as day turns to night.*]
**Nic****k****el**: Cloudy... you can fly. And you can carry people with you.
**Cloudy**: I can't go, and you can't either. We've got a show to win.

* There was a little bit of dialogue at the start of the post-credits scene. It would have involved Golf Ball and TV before panning to Death P.A.C.T. Again's tiny conversation. It was scrapped because there were already enough emotional moments in the episode.

**Golf Ball**: TV, promise not to give out information to another team next time.
**T****V**: Sorry, I just wanted to be popular.

## Notes

1. ↑ This episode will feature a great deal of laugh tracks.
2. ↑ For more detail (based on a laugh-track analysis of an episode of *The Brady Bunch*): The length of the "haha" is proportional to how funny the "live studio audience" found it.
3. ↑ Believe it or not, this is a reused line from this video. Oh, lighten up, they do that with Ice Cube all the time. Ever wondered why she got like seven voice actors?
4. ↑ Not the same MePhone as the II host, in case you were wondering. Just a regular smartphone.
5. ↑ Rather paradoxically, the actual laugh track plays on top of the fake track.
6. ↑ Thousands of syllables and Coiny's probably said the word "cake" at least once.
7. ↑ Comedic violence is comedic.
8. ↑ Not related to homosexuality! It's an archaic word for "playboy", apparently.

**Fake TPOT** [V]