Room 101

Room 101 is the fourteenth chapter in the Wombles Seven.

Meanwhile, Harry had gone back to catch up with Constantine.  Hermione had gone to find Ginny.  They had all placed tracking devices on each other the last time they worked together, so Hermione found her easily enough.  She burst in through the doors then realised that she had just interrupted a live broadcast of the TV series Room 101.  Ginny was presenting it and there were only two guests- Bruce Wayne and Shansi Womble.  Hermione noticed that they seemed out of breath and reluctant to do anything, then saw that there was a bomb on the back of their chairs.

“And I thought I was the one who should feel guilty…” muttered Hermione to herself, then Ginny noticed her.

“Ah!  We have our third guest!  It’s Hermione Weasley everybody!”  the crowd cheered as Hermione reluctantly sat on the empty chair.  “So, let’s get on with our first category!” announced Ginny, and pulled a lever.  A big label with the word ‘people’ written on it came up on the screen.  “It’s people!” exclaimed Ginny, pretending to be excited. “So, what do you want to put in?” she asked, looking at Shansi.

A hatch opened up next to Shansi and a load of statues of people in various stages of development came up through it.  “The whole of mankind.” Said Shansi.  “All they do is offend me and destroy the planet!” she went into a long rant about having to tidy up their rubbish and what they do the environment, then Ginny asked Bruce what he wanted to put in.

“My legal name.” said Bruce.  “And just so you know, it is not Bruce Thomas Wayne as most people think.  You were probably expecting me to complain about having the initials ‘BTW’, but I’m not.  Since ‘Wayne’ is actually what my family was unofficially renamed to during the war, and Thomas is only one of my middle names, I am actually called Bruce Alan Thomas Morgan Adam Norman.  My initials are BATMAN.  Everybody will keep thinking that I’m Batman!”

“And are you?” interrupted Ginny inquisitively.  Bruce didn’t answer, and just carried on with his argument.  After Bruce had finished, Ginny turned to Hermione. “And what do you want to put in? We don’t have a prop ready because you were an unexpected guest.”

Hermione was going to put guilt into Room 101 (she decided it fitted with the category because people feel guilty a lot) when she realised that then no criminals would ever be sorry for their crimes and the world would be in chaos. Then something occurred to her.

“I’d like to put you in, please.” She said.

“Me?” answered a shocked Ginny.  “But what did I ever do to you?”

“Existing.” Replied Hermione.  Then she mumbled, “Sorry.”  Ginny looked upset, then began to pull the lever to put Bruce’s legal name into Room 101. It was the only option where she wouldn’t be putting herself in.  But Hermione had taken her wand, and subtly used it to knock Ginny’s hand over onto the lever which would put Ginny Potter into Room 101.  Ginny tumbled down to hell, and Hermione was horrified with herself as a panic stirred and she snuck out the back of the studio.

Hermione walked down a dark alley and got her phone out to call Harry. Just as Harry answered his phone, Batman leapt out from the shadows and knocked Hermione’s phone out of her hand.

“Batman?” gasped Hermione, “You’re real?  I thought you couldn’t possibly exist because no muggle could manage to take on that many criminals alone!”

“I don’t fight alone.” Said Batman, then threw her against a wall.  “Who were you calling!” he demanded.  “Harry…” replied Hermione.  “Harry who?”  “Harry Potter.”  “And who is he?”  “A friend of mine…”  “And why did you put that poor woman into Room 101?!”  Hermione didn’t answer.  She shut her eyes and muttered something under her breath.  Batman was confused because he had read her lips, and was about to ask, “What?  Why did you just randomly say ‘stupefy’?” but he couldn’t, because he fell back unconscious while Hermione got away.

Hermione ran to the nearest car park, gasped “Alohamora!” and jumped into the nearest car while all the alarms went off because she had unlocked all of them. She drove to Soton and went into John’s Tearoom where Harry and Constantine were arguing.

“You can’t be hiding things from me, Harry, it’s not right.  You’re being stupid.  Just tell me why you signed up!”

“No, you’re the one being stupid, Mr ‘Hellblazer’!  I don’t have an ulterior motive!  Why would I?  What would it be?!”

“You tell me!”

“I can’t, because I don’t have one!”

Hermione really didn’t want to be caught up in this, so she ran out of the café, just as Harry noticed she was there.  He ran out of the café to catch up with her.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, grabbing her hand.  “I thought we agreed to meet after… you had sorted out Ginny.”

“I have.” Replied Hermione quickly.

“You managed to lure her to Cadmus in London from the Room 101 studio and then come back to Soton in that quick of a time?”

“No, Harry.  She’s not in Cadmus.  She’s basically dead.  I put her in Room 101.”

“…Oh.” Replied Harry.  “Well, I guess I’m a widower now.”  He meant this to be a very bad quip to add a bit of light to the moment, but it just added to the misery.  Hermione finally snapped and burst out into tears, leaning on Harry’s shoulder. Harry stared into the distance wondering how he’d gotten them into such a mess.