Chapter 53: I Want To Hear Her Voice

**I Want To Hear Her Voice** is the fifty-third Chapter of *Boku no Kokoro no Yabai Yatsu*.

## Summary

Ichikawa claims he has entered Hell on December 31st, surrounded at a table with Moe, Nanjou, and many of Nanjou's friends.

Flashing back to twenty minutes prior, Ichikawa is walking towards a convenience store and saving an image of Yamada, Chi, and Serina where they are having a sleepover at Serina's place. He considers how often he uses LINE now as he enters the store, and begins asking where Moe is, but deletes it, considering it creepy, and offering a generic response instead. He thinks about how nearly all of his texts have been vague and noncommittal, and how if she wasn't applying pressure, their discussion would have stopped long ago. He decides to get a Red Bull energy drink, and as he walks towards the shelf, an arm unexpectedly wraps around his shoulder. Nanjou appears, addressing him as "Bicycle-kun," and causing him to panic internally. Nanjou tries to recall his real name, stammering on "Ichi," and Ichikawa gives his name as "Ichihara." Nanjou then says he wants to have a talk with him, and that he'll treat him for it.

Back in the present, Ichikawa situates himself and Nanjou immediately opens up asking what he thinks Yamada is up to. Nanjou's friends talk about how obsessed he is with her, and he clarifies that Ichi*hara* is good friends with her. He asks him about whether they're on LINE together, and he tries to dance around the subject, saying she prefers to communicate telepathically. Mamiya tries to interject, saying that they're closer than that, but Moe kicks her under the table, apologizing. Ichikawa considers if he'll end the year with this mood, and at that moment his phone goes off, with a text from Yamada showing up on the screen. Nanjou looks over his shoulder at the screen, repeating Yamada's name, and leaving Ichikawa stammering. Nanjou puts his fist to his head and leans forward, melodramatically declaring his sadness. Moe declares that she has to leave, and at first Ichikawa panics, feeling he'll be left alone with them, but she asks him to walk her home. Nanjou gets up to follow them, but she says it's not necessary, because she and Ichi*hara* are friends.

Outside, Moe is lamenting on how she has destroyed all her "flags" in regards to Nanjou, while Ichikawa considers how he'll fall for her like this. Moe commends him for doing his best, though he's a terrible liar, and it is best to be super frank with people like Nanjou. He says that he believes that Nanjou is misreading the situation between him and Yamada, and Moe goes off, repeating his line about "misreading," and suddenly grabbing his hand, asking if this is fine, then. He recoils instantly, and she comments how fast he is. Ichikawa then weakly admits to her that he may like Yamada. Moe takes a few steps forward, cups her hands to the sides of her mouth and yells "I know!" as loud as she can, leaving an echo in the city streets. She says he's like an open book about it, and he ponders the ramifications of "like."

They make it to Serina's residence, and she says she's off. He thanks her again for helping out, and she says anyone would do the same in regards to Nanjou. He clarifies that he didn't mean that, and tries to explain that he was referring to him and Yamada, and she offers to let him come with her inside. He simply backs up and begins to leave, mentally calling her a slut. Alone, he thinks on how he said he liked Yamada with his own voice to another person, and musters up the courage to call her. He stammers through a greeting, and she comments how it's rare for him to be the one to call, asking what is going on. He wishes her a Happy New Year, and she's surprised it's already turned over. She says the same to him just as Moe enters the room, and he decides to end the call. He looks wistfully up at the apartment, and says that one day he'll tell her how he feels.

* A bonus page is Yamada offering to take the selfie from earlier in the story. Chi and Serina make silly faces, but she makes a cutesy one. They tell her off for not participating.

* Another bonus is Yamada in a pink dress eating an Ichikawa cake for her (out-of-universe) birthday.

* A final bonus is Yamada and Ichikawa in fancy clothes. She is sitting behind him and adjusting a bow on his neck.

## Trivia

The family restaurant that Ichikawa, Nanjou, Moe, and the others eat at is the real-world Gusto's, located here.