Chapter 57: I Want You To Know Me

**I Want You To Know Me** is the fifty-seventh Chapter of *Boku no Kokoro no Yabai Yatsu*. It is the final Chapter of Volume 4.

## Summary

Ichikawa is dreaming about his past, when he failed to get into his desired private school, and scared away some friends with the macabre cover of the murder book he was reading. He wakes up sweating, thinking on how his going over his pictures album made him have such strange dreams. He strips off his over-shirt and looks at his clock, realizing that school starts back after Winter Break today. He reaches for the murder books on his desk, and Lucifer Nigorikawa manifests, saying he never learns, and that he might freak people out again. Ichikawa asks why Nigorikawa is shirtless today, and he replies that he is his heart, and asks if he doesn't want to expose his feelings.

After preparing, he goes outside to the family car. His mother is driving, and Kana is along for the ride to be dropped off at the train station. As he is left at the school gate, Yamada sneaks around the back of their vehicle, jumping out to surprise him. He chastises her for doing something potentially dangerous, and from inside the car, Kana greets her, saying that she wants her to help him out while he's still hurt, which she agrees to do. As the two walk to the school doors, she looks him up and down, eventually asking where his Akita Charm is, which she has dubbed Akita Kenjirou. He again berates her naming schemes, but admits that he did bring it, fishing it out of his bag. She asks if he'll wear it, and he states that it's difficult with the one hand, so she fastens it to the top button of his shirt. He disagrees with the placement, so she leans back in to fasten it to the second button as the first bell rings. He says they should hurry to class, then switches gears to saying that back in his first year, he didn't want to come to school at all. He talks about skipping class and lying to avoid going on the school trip. He suddenly spills the contents of his bag, but continues his monologue as Yamada helps him gather his things. He says how there wasn't anything particularly bad going on in his life, just that he had off-beat hobbies that scared people away, but concludes that, lately, he hasn't hated coming to school. He tries to give Yamada credit for this, but she denies it, saying that he still showed up, and wouldn't have even been talking with her now.

He again thinks back to the kids he scared away with his book, and how he was only able to come to classes because of the "armor" that it offered, but that it also was an easy excuse to say it was what kept him from fitting in. He thanks her regardless, and she leans in to hold his head and comfort him, and he reciprocates the embrace, grabbing the sides of her cardigan, and feeling satisfied that he has said what he wanted to.

At the shoe lockers, Yamada comments on how they're going to be late if they don't hurry. They continue to class and run into Moe, who greets them, but notices their awkward demeanor post-hugging. She leans in towards Ichikawa, suddenly asking if they "did it," making him scream out "what!?" in shock, but leaving Yamada innocently unaware of what she means. Moe insists that they totally have that kind of mood, while Ichikawa angrily chases her away.

* A bonus page is Yamada holding out four fingers in advertisement for the Volume 4 release. Ichikawa is still in his cast, thinking he wants to be together even as the seasons change.

## Trivia

The murder book that Ichikawa brings is *The History of Murder* by Colin and Damon Wilson.