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Speaks Brusquely (Episode)

This article needs a bit more detail. If you're familiar with the topic, please consider expanding it.

## People

### Dragon Friends

* Philge
* Freezo
* Bobby Pancakes
* Baston

## Themes, tropes and running jokes

* God/Dave — Freezo spends some time arguing with an imaginary god, and it's at least partly the imaginary god's fault.
* Philge spends several turns not taking any actions during a fight because she's pretending to be a tree.
* This episode continues the running theme that people from the city of Baldur's Gate have outrageous Afrikaaner accents, with the Dragon Friends adopting them as well as they impersonate Baldur's Gate mercenaries.

## Quotes

* "Yes, I got all my spells back! My spell was the ability to watch Stranger Things." — Alex, describing the rejuvenating effects of a real-life morning nap
* "I'm asking you what you need us to do!" "I'm asking *you* to shut up, while I work." "Do you need a hand?" "I need. A mouth. To be quiet."
* "We haven't been this murdery in a while." "I mean, it really gets results."
* "When he wasn't expecting it, Philge laughs, gently grabs him by the ears, and twists his head off. His body drops the floor." "Did I solve the puzzle, guys?" — Dave & Alex
* "So I guess if I'd befriended a wizard he could've taught me spells." "In fairness, you taught that wizard how to have his head ripped off." — Alex & Ben
* "You can get probably however many daggers you want." "He wants a thousand daggers." "He can probably get six daggers." — Dave & Ben
* "An hour and a half is a long time to have tape stuck to your face that no one knows about." — The first thing Tom Walker says in this episode
* "I was told I was playing a cat who was blind in one eye and I worked my magic." "Yeah, but everyone else is just using their imagination." "I'm using my imagination and approximately ten dollars worth of industrial-grade tape!" — Tom and Benny discuss Tom's costume
* "Can I have a look at your dong?" — the first thing Freezo says to Speaks Brusquely
* "The curtains match the drapes! By which I mean: the eye of my dick is covered in cataracts!" — where Freezo's question, perhaps unsurprisingly, leads very quickly

## Table Talk

* Dave claims that this episode is broadcast live, but tiny, from inside of your monitor.
* Dave gives a shout out, and a loot crate, to a fan who made a series of Dragon Friends bingo cards, including such elements as "Benny plays a theme song", "Alex gets mad about puzzles", and "betrayal".
* Tom Walker apparently only found out that he would be playing Speaks Brusquely about an hour and a half before he had to come on. He spent much of that time with one eye covered in tape.
Sword Coast

The Sword Coast is a region of the continent of Faerûn featuring in seasons one, five and six of *Dragon Friends*.

It has two capitals, Waterdeep and Brooklyn.

Daggerford and the Flotian Estates are along The Sword Coast, a couple of days' ride from Waterdeep.

The Sword Coast is now also home to the once-floating city of New Bork after it crashed at Yulemas.

## Residents Of The Sword Coast

### Daggerford

* Freezo
* Philge
* Bobby Pancakes
* Grimm Saltback (Originally from Brooklyn)

### Flotian Estates

* Lionshield Banknote
* Greatheart Banknote
The Kevin Smith Riff Train

## Episode Order

### Previous

These Consequences Weren't for You (8.13)

## Synopsis

This episode entry is in need of a synopsis. Please consider taking a few minutes to add one.

## Cast

### Dragon Friends

* Philge
* Bobby Pancakes
* Freezo

### Guest NPC's

* Logan the Huge, a pilgrim and container sized tortle with a huge chong who easily imprints on other people (played by Tom Cardy)
* Two *Veilings* (rulers of a faerie realm of Delight) played by Alexei Toliopoulos and Cameron James:
	+ Master Sugarloaf, a 2ft tall imp, perceived as sexy in that realm
	+ Sir Daffodil, a 2ft tall imp, Knight of the Daisies, also perceived as sexy in their realm

### NPC's

* A spirit guide taking the form of Bobson Dugnutt, collector of their memories
* Jerry the sheep

## Places

* Barovia (the past)
* The Veil: a weird space between existences I don't want to talk about

## Themes, tropes and running jokes

* Ever played Dungeons and Dragons? Ever heard Dave say they don't often get to play Dungeons and Dragons? Well, this time... they don't play Dungeons and Dragons.
* Does this episode even need a themes, tropes and running jokes section? The first twenty minutes are the Veil and Bobson Dugnutt. The rest is a skit about finding the true meaning of relaxation and love, KFC, therapy, and being sucked off as a reward.

## Trivia

* WHAT EVEN IS THIS EPISODE.
* Oh, right. They left Baston behind with the desert people.

## Quotes

"This is stupider than usual." - Ben Jenkins
God/Dave

Little is known of the elder god with whom Freezo made a pact to empower his Warlock abilities, but it may be the same entity who meddles in mortal affairs through acts such as telling Bobby Pancakes to murder an innocent lion, or threatening Freezo with heart attacks when he is being annoying. This entity, known variously as "God" and "Dave," exists outside the known Forgotten Realms pantheon but nonetheless possesses great power, bestowing Dice of Inspiration upon those who find his favor and threatening punishment against those who incur his wrath.

Prior to the events of Season 2, Freezo beheld a tome of great power—*The Players' Handbook*—and became enthralled of its dark secrets. Thus was escalated the struggle for power between God and his errant creation.

## Acts of God/Dave

* Convincing Bobby Pancakes to kill a tame pet lion in It Like She Me (1.02)
* Threatening Freezo with a heart attack in Non-Lethal Witchbolt (1.06)
* Bestowing inspiration upon Bobby for his stirring rendition of My Mermaid's Got Two Faces in It True, Me Your Nightmare (1.08)
* Ireena directly invokes the power of Dave during I'm The 9 In This Relationship (2.12)
* Summarily rendering all of the Dragon Friends unconscious after they start loudly singing a saxophone solo in Stream of Annihilation (TOA.00)
* In The Feathered Cap (TOA.06) Freezo is sick of Sir Grimsby Davenport and prays to Dave to kill him, which Dave graciously grants and gives Sir Grimsby a heart attack. And Freezo as well.
A Merry Very Yulemas

## A Merry Very Yulemas (Part 2)

A Merry Very Yulemas was a two part Christmas special dungeon mastered by Edan Lacey and Simon Greiner. Part 1 was released on December 23, 2017 and Part 2 was released on December 24, 2017.

Guests on this special include Tom Walker, Matt Roden and Dave Harmon returning as Freezo's estranged cousin, Froyo.

## Introduction

Welcome to the fabled floating port city in the sky where anything can be bought for the right price. Gifts and gadgets, trinkets and treasure, any retail desire can be sated! Will the Dragon Friends get their Yulemas shopping done in time to make the last airship home!? There’s only one way to find out!

With seasonal Dungeon Masters Bobby Pancakes and Balston and special guests Tom Carey (music), Tom Walker & Matt Rode.

## Synopsis

#### Part One

Since the death of the Yulemas King and the breaking of his curse, the people of Faerun must now buy their own Yulemas presents. Most do so in New Bork, a floating city filled with retail stores, ruled by the mysterious Jerf Zebos. The Dragon Friends are shopping there late at night and Bobby and Baston make it back just in time to catch the last transport back to the surface - but Freezo is unable to go with them, finding a magical barrier prevents him from leaving. Filge, meanwhile, gets lost and loses track of time, running into another Yulemas Elf and accidentally coming into possession of a magical bag which can produce an infinite number of coins. She stays overnight in the city.

Freezo meets up with Froyo, who informs him that a curse on the city prevents any Yulemas Elves from leaving, and forces them to work for Jerf Zebos. He reveals that he and Freezo are both part-Yulemas Elf, part-High Elf, which explains why they cannot leave, but retain their free will. They meet up with members of a Yulemas Elf resistance.

#### Part Two

They all meet up together and destroy the magical device at the heart of New Bork that keeps it aloft, crashing the city into the surface of Faerun. Froyo casts a *misty step* spell but something goes wrong and he and Jerf Zebos - revealed to be a demi-lich in the form of a floating skull wreathed in green flames - disappear.

## People

### Dragon Friends

* Freezo
* Philge
* Froyo

### Non-Player Characters (NPCs)

* Jerf Zebos, demi-lich ruler of New Bork

#### Bestiary

* Yulemas Elves

## Themes, tropes and running jokes

* Baffling Reference for our International Listeners

This article needs a bit more detail. If you're familiar with the topic, please consider expanding it.
The Gribbits Detective Agency (Adventure)

**The Gribbits Detective Agency** is an adventure module written by Dave Harmon and Ben Jenkins for Dragon+ Magazine. Set in Waterdeep between the events of Season 1 and Season 2, the PCs are hired by Gribbits to investigate the disappearance of Janos Meer.

The adventure includes level 1 character sheets for Bobby Pancakes, Philge, and Freezo, although the players are not intended to play as the Dragon Friends and they do not appear directly in the adventure (although signs of their past actions appear in the adventure and the PCs can visit a bakery owned by Freezo).

A sequel to the adventure, **The Gribbits Detective Agency: Part II**, was published in Dragon+ Magazine in 2020. Written by Dave Harmon and actor / writer Benedict Hardie, the adventure is designed for four 2nd-level characters and tasks the characters of the poorly funded Agency to investigate another disappearance, the one of famous inventor Mykon Drift.

* Dragon+ Magazine #18 Intro
* Dragon+ Magazine #30 Intro

* Adventure PDF
* Adventure Part II PDF
Tiny Bud

Montaigne performed an original song as her character, Bassbass Wihouveberry, in I've Got a Song As Well (3.14).

(Lyrics from a Facebook post.)

*The room is now deathly silent as a prismatic orb forms in the center of the court, and explodes into tesselating color to appreciative 'oohs' and 'ahs' from the crowd, as a figure emerges through the colored smoke. It is the figure of an elfling woman strumming what seems to be some kind of stringed instrument as she begins to sing.*

```
Upon a mountain did I stand

Gazing upon my stolen land

Nary a comfort but my voice to sing

Pressing words into cold air

When did I spy a roseling there

Waiting for darkest winter to turn spring

Oh, tiny bud

Oh, tiny bud

Surmount the cold

Survive the flood

Weather the storm

Defy the sky above

We shall see the flying dove

Battle the beasts and spill their blood

Weather the storm

So I may bring your flower

To my love

```

*As the elf sings, you realize the entire room is entranced by this gift of potent love that Oberon has gifted to his Titania, a voice from another world--another plane--plucked out of obscurity and brought to the court to perform on this, the day of the lunar revels.*

```
Slept beneath the open sky

Dreaming a dream of peaceful lies

Waking to find myself quite unafraid

Barbarus won't kill me yet

Nothing to lose so all to bet

That I shall reclaim the throne 'fore I abrade

Oh, tiny bud

Oh, tiny bud

Surmount the cold

Survive the flood

Weather the storm

Defy the sky above

We shall see the flying dove

Battle the beasts and spill their blood

Weather the storm

So I may bring your flower

To my love

Rallied a force of loyal souls

Ready to pay the fatal toll if

We could return my king and I to throne

Daring women, daring men

Know not of if, we fight for when

The enemy falls and I am queen again

Oh, tiny bud

Oh, tiny bud

Surmount the cold

Survive the flood

Weather the storm

Defy the sky above

We shall see the flying dove

Battle the beasts and spill their blood

Weather the storm

So I may bring your flower

To my love

Learned to wield a sword and shield

Made a vow to never yield

Every night I battled with my fear

Finally it was the night

Take the castle back with might

We shall be reunited soon my dear

Oh, tiny bud

Oh, tiny bud

Surmount the cold

Survive the flood

Weather the storm

Defy the sky above

We shall see the flying dove

Battle the beasts and spill their blood

Weather the storm

So I may bring your flower

To my love

Quietly we took the walls

Clever and quick advanced the halls

Wondering when old Barbarus would show

Let me be she who takes his head

See if the brute's blood runs out red

Bury his broken body down below

Oh, tiny bud

Oh, tiny bud

Surmount the cold

Survive the flood

Weather the storm

Defy the sky above

We shall see the flying dove

Battle the beasts and spill their blood

Weather the storm

So I may bring your flower

To my love

```
Wiki Guidelines

The primarily goal of this wiki is to document the events of Dragon Friends in an easily-explored format for reference and enjoyment. What follows is a set of guidelines to keep us all on the same page. These are all open to refinement, let me (Heymermaid) know in the comments if there's anything you'd like to see changed!

## Tone

Informative and upbeat with light editorializing when it's consistent with the tone of the show. Channel Dave and Ben's episode intros, here; the events themselves are generally so absurd that there's no need for additional goofiness. (One exception is the "Themes, tropes and jokes" section which can be a bit looser in tone.) Avoid a hard focus on player mistakes, flubs or continuity errors except in exceptional cases or when they bring it up themselves.

## Tense

For fictional events, always use present tense except for events that took place before the show. This includes using present tense for deceased characters or destroyed locations. Use normal tense conventions for people and events in the real world.

## Collaboration

The wiki is a shared resource. Wiki members are empowered to build out, refine, and even correct each others' entries. If you aren't sure about a change you have in mind, you are welcome to comment or use the talk pages, but you don't usually need to ask for permission. That being said, there is plenty of ground to cover, so use discretion about rewriting existing "pretty good" content from others vs. adding new articles.

## Canonicity

In this context, "Is it canon?" means "Does this describe the reality of their universe?" This can be kind of tricky but err on the side of inclusivity. Anything characters interact with in-character is canon. Anything with callbacks is probably canon. Other good indicators include DM assent or multiple players building on a joke.

For example, the Waterdeep undercity DOES canonically have artisan wee merchants. Davin Tyrrill is NOT canonically Philge's son, but Philge DOES canonically believe he is.

## Community

Writing a wiki for a fantasy RPG comedy show is an imprecise science. Let's give each other the benefit of the doubt and not take ourselves too seriously.

Behavior-wise, we may eventually want a Code of Conduct, but for right now let's stick with: "If you behave in a manner that is racist, sexist, homophobic, or discriminatory on the basis of religion or nationality, or act like a bully towards anyone, you will be banned, because that's asinine."
Secret Cult

This article needs a bit more detail. If you're familiar with the topic, please consider expanding it.

A cult made of many of the guilds in Waterdeep, including the House of Artificers, the Shipwrights' Guild, and the Tailors', Glovers', and Mercers' Guild. Their words are "Order and Purity".

During Season 1, the cult was involved in a plot to take over the entire Sword Coast, starting with the city of Waterdeep. They were opposed by the Dragon Friends, with the backing of Janos Meer and his Guild of Thieves, Tricksters, and Beggars.

The cult were worshipers of Nerull, a god of chaos, death, and decay, and performed ritual sacrifices of Lawful beings to further their power.

## Known Members

* Davin Tyrril, usurper of the Duchy of Daggerford
* Sycuran, Tyrril's advisor and bodyguard
* Albrecht Rumsfield, head of the Waterdeep Shipwrights' Guild
* Clive Who, proprietor of General Pantaloons, a Waterdeep clothing shop
* Enya, an artificer who constructs and repairs Glittermen
* The Grand Inquisitor of Waterdeep
* Kenneth Branagh From The Movie The Wild Wild West
* Leonardo DiCaprio In Blood Diamond
Simon Greiner

Simon is an illustrator, improviser, and performer. He’s a two-time Cranston Cup and National Theatresports champion. His illustration work has appeared on the front page of the New Yorker. He was raised by gentle apes in a woodland glen.

During holiday specials, Simon serves as co-DM with Edan Lacey.
Sir Tristan

Sir Tristan is a wealthy retired adventurer and philanthropist. He dwells in Castle Greyhawkins in the region of Dianna, a few day's ride from Daggerford, and was introduced in the Stranger Things stream ST.01.

Tristan regularly invites small groups of adventurers to his estate for RRRRR & RRRRRR as he puts it. Although it has all the overtones of the sort of mini-break that involves shirtless backrubs and brandy-soaked cuddles, there is no actual evidence to suggest that Tristan is interested in more than swapping stories with like-minded folk and vicariously reliving his heyday.

Sir Tristan's family sword is a +1 Greatsword named Darkwinter's Bite, briefly possessed (let's be honest: stolen) by Freezo.

He is known to have a sister who is (was?) a magic user of some kind.
Sir Grimsby Davenport

The archivist of the Waterdeep Historical Society who travels with the Dragon Friends during the Tomb of Annihilation. An awful imperialist dickhead, Sir Grimsby died when Freezo prayed to God/Dave for him to be killed and no one minded very much. His (initial) final words were "Well... fair enough.".

Sir Grimsby was later resurrected to fulfill his original purpose of moving the plot forward by providing key information about the history and anthropology of Chult (a much required thing). After fulfilling his task, Freezo - in succession - dropped him of an airship, blasted him with an Eldritch Spear and spat on him, with Hing declaring: *"He's so dead, you can't bring him back ever Dave!"*.

Yet Grimsby would turn out to be truly not so dead. After leaving the Yuan-Ti temple in Tomb of the Nine Gods, Pt 1, the Dragon Friends find him alive and well in the nearby campsite, writing about his miraculous survival in his diary:

>
> Dear chums—dear fellow Waterdavians. What a ripping yarn I have to tell you! Pip pip! So there I was, plunging to my death, after my friend the wizard had no doubt due to being overwritten by some dark magic been forced to drop me to the craggy rocks below.
> Thinking fast, I bl... I hadn’t thought about this... I... flung out my coat tails in the way that I’d seen a bat in the jungle do and ~~glid~~ glide to safety.
> The sea was choppy, and I wouldn’t have survived had I not landed on a passing whale that took me to shore! I killed it for ambergris. Spot of luck there, anyway. And here I am, finally – as far as I can tell, the only person in the lost city of Uuuumuuuuuu. How famous I’ll be, how wealthy I’ll be, how respected I’ll be!
>
>
>
>

Freezo immediately tries to kill him by turning himself into gas and having Grimsby choke on it, but the plan fails. The party eventually settles on using Grimsby as a crash test dummy in the Tomb of Annihilation, which he doesn't seem to mind - possibly due to brain damage. It becomes his downfall as he is persuaded to enter a silver chest, swap places with Freezo. After a button press, his frozen corpse is ejected and his head shatters into many pieces.

### Cocktail

See Sir Grimsby Lives! (Cocktail) for a cocktail named after the undying dickhead.
Shut Up, I Look Great

Official art by Simon Greiner

## Description

Having infiltrated the cult, the Dragon Friends encounter two old foes and a terrifying secret weapon.

## Synopsis

The Dragon Friends go to The Shady Dock, territory of the Shipwrights' Guild. They see four dwarfs playing Accountants & Actuaries.

Bobby buys a drink for a very drunk dwarf. The rest of the Dragon Friends do not understand what is happening, so Bobby sends them off to get drinks so they don't say anything incriminating.

Freezo purchases Dragon Piss for the rest of them and Philge and Dilge get very drunk.

Meanwhile Bobby sings My Mermaid's Got Two Faces and talks his way into learning the password to the Secret Cult meeting, "Peppercorn."

They go back to their favorite alley, Planning Alley. Dilge casts Tenser's Floating Disk to carry Gribbits, which Bobby uses to float on and cover with a robe to pretend that he is of human height. They go to the location of the meeting where they see Two Guards and a Glitterman.

They manage to get into the Secret Cult meeting, and Freezo and Bobby get the Whisperer out. The special guests for the evening are Davin Tyrril and the Grand Inquisitor. They reveal that they brought with them a giant Black Dragon. The Grand Inquisitor reveals the Dragon Friends and they try to escape. Bobby starts getting the Grand Inquisitor to call of the dragon, but Davin Tyrril kills her and tells the dragon to attack. Davin runs and the dragon kills Dilge, who was protecting his sister.

## People

### Dragon Friends

* Philge
* Freezo
* Bobby Pancakes

### Characters (NPCs)

* Kenneth Branagh From The Movie The Wild Wild West
* Leonardo DiCaprio In Blood Diamond
* Davin Tyrrill
* Grand Inquisitor

### Organizations

* Secret Cult
* House of The Movie The Wild Wild West
* House of In Blood Diamond

### Bestiary

* Black Dragon
* Glittermen

## Themes, tropes, and running jokes

* "My Fair Bugbear"
* Dragon Piss
* Dice of Inspiration - to Bobby for singing My Mermaid's Got Two Faces; Bobby uses it later in the episode on an Intimidation check against the Grand Inquisitor
* Two Guards — Kenneth Branagh From The Movie The Wild Wild West and Leonardo DiCaprio In Blood Diamond, guarding the door to the Secret Cult meeting
* God/Dave threatens to give Freezo a heart attack for suggesting they kill Gribbits

## Quotes

* "Of course you remember that the prime economy of Waterdeep is moving piss around." - Dave Harmon
* "My name is Clive and I'm here to say: PEPPERCORN!" -The Dragon Friends' mnemonic
* "I took elocution lessons! You know My Fair Bugbear? That was about me! 'The rain in the temporal plane falls on some kind of magic train.'" - Ben Jenkins
* "I promise I will get you all kebabs when this is done... this is my solemn oath to you." - Bobby Pancakes

## Table Talk

* The group briefly tries to convince Dave (who has never worked in an office) that white-collar jobs in real life have town criers that yell out the hour and shift changes
The Butler Didn't Do It (Cocktail)

**The Butler Didn't Do It**

"I didn't do this particular murder!" ~Smiggins

* 1 shot gin
* 1 tablespoon rhubarb compote (more or less depending on how sweet you’ve made it - it's also incredibly easy and quick to make, for what that's worth)
* ½ shot Licor 43
* ¼ shot Grand Marnier
* Blood orange zest and a squeeze of the juice in the shaker (in the US at least, rhubarb and blood oranges are only in season together briefly in the spring; if you can't get blood orange, ruby red grapefruit will do fine!)
* Shake, strain, and serve; leave your guests guessing whether you added the poison this time...
Phoenix

Song by Johnny Playstation, improvised in character after his successful upload to become the AI of Freeside . Although improvised in character, this was the only Johnny Playstation song that was prerecorded for the podcast itself, and so included greater instrumentation and effects that had previously been used in the podcast version (including vocoding to represent Johnny's new situation). Also, rather than Benny Davis, this song was written by DJ Tom Loud.

A music video for "Phoenix", created by Bea Brabante, is available on the Dragon Friends YouTube channel.

### Lyrics

```
 *I thought I was dead, but now I'm something more*
I'm a kind of god that you've never seen before
Yea, I'm zeroes, I'm ones, I'm tons of fun,
I live in a computer, a speaker is my tongue.

I used to have an Earthly form but now I do not.
My ash is little and my flames are hot.
I'm rising, surprising, everyone around
Now Johnny is the silver lining on the cloud.

I'm dead, and I never, I never felt better!

I'm feeling feelings that I didn't know I had,
Not a ghost in a shell, I'm a big happy crab.
I thought I knew joy, but it turns out I was wrong,
I'm a beautiful phoenix with a fiery swansong.

The web is mine to surf and the waves are sick tubes,
Got a million thoughts a second and they're all big thrills.
I'm nibbling on megabytes and I'm hitting send,
Now all known information is my girlfriend.

I'm dead, and I never, I never felt better!

```
Name Sword of Sergei von Zarovich

The **Name Sword of Sergei von Zarovich** is the only weapon that can harm the powerful vampire Strahd von Zarovich. It was a gift from Strahd to his brother Sergei on his engagement to Patrina, but Strahd grew jealous of his brother, wanting Patrina for his own. He poisoned Sergei at the wedding, but accidentally killed Patrina as well; it was after this that his vampiric curse took hold. The sword went missing after the wedding, but was fabled as the vampire lord's only weakness. Its history is recounted in *The Terrible and Lamentable History of the Noble House of Strahd*. (*I'm The 9 In This Relationship*)

The Dragon Friends go looking for the sword in Castle Ravenloft, and find the hilt in Sergei's crypt. During their final confrontation with the vampire, they finally realise that the magic sword Freezo took from Albrecht Rumsfield and has been carrying all along is the blade of Sergei's sword! They figure it out just in time to restore the sword and kill Strahd, though this moment is robbed of much of its dramatic impact by the effects of Freezo's Cursed Coins. (*6,000 Uncontrollable Buttholes*)
The Glam Clam

The Glam Clam is a dive bar on the lower east side of New York (Shadowrun). It serves as a secondary base of operations for Mr. Sour. The Dragon Friends rendezvous there after the chaotic battle at the Guggenheim in Am I Doing... Good? (3.05) whereupon Mr. Sour briefs them and gives them a series of gifts.
The Limousine in Cyber Tokyo 2075

Despite The Dragon Friends being from the mythical world of Faerun, Freezo and friends seem to know a lot of popular culture references. These are often attributed to the Limo ride in Cyber Tokyo 2075

The only limo ride they had in Tokyo was while heading to the Johnny PlayStation Gig. Freezo rode shotgun with his gun, while Bobby and Baston drank heavily in the back. Despite this they have retconned the following experiences during this “3 hour window”

A Fistful of Shrimp (4.05) - After a long confusing Ben Jenkins explainer about Aladdin characters in disguise, Dave Harmon retcons that Freezo Had seen Aladdin in the limo in Tokyo.

Inadvisable Space Combat (4.15) - Freezo says he watched “Star Wars” in the limo ride in Tokyo. He learnt that spaceships are delicate

He’s a real loose unit (5.01) - Dave remarks that they could’ve brought back a podcast of the dragon friends back from cyber Tokyo 2075 to catch Bobby Pancakes on the happenings from after he died in space

I am the second wind (5.02) The Dragon Friends (mostly Philge and Baston) sing 2 Unlimited's “Get ready for this” which was the national anthem of Japan in the year 2075

Are you familiar with Electricity (5.03) - Dave fumes at Hing stating that “Lionshield didn’t go to Cyber fucking Tokyo how could he know the plot of the movie the Prestige?”

Quoth The Raven, Dude That Sucks (BB-2.12) Demi Lardner Plays an Imp with transformation magic to turn into a Spider, a Raven or her true form the comedian Demi Lardner. Freezo recalls the Comedian Demi Lardner from various YouTube videos he watched during a Limo ride in cyber Tokyo. He complements Demi’s comedy work to convince the imp to let them join a cleaning union.
The Song About The Nails

**The Song About The Nails** was ad-libbed by Bobby Pancakes for the Bellows Man Cardinal in Because I Hate Myself, Susan.

```
There's the don'ts and do's,
There's the nails and screws,
There's the things you use
And the things that you don't use.
When you're here, safety's a thing that you have to do.
And so songs we have to know what do.
Because safety is here for me and you.
You know that guy, Jake, who lost an arm
Because he wasn't paying attention and he did himself harm.
Now, here's the core of the song,
You gotta know what nails are right and wrong.
The wrong ones are, the ones on your hand
'Cos they'll get ripped off if you put them in the jam.. ming machine,
And the right ones, they are the ones
That are made of shards, glass and fun.

```
Mr. Sour

**Mr. Sour** was the Fixer who recruited the Dragon Friends to protect Johnny Playstation in Season 3, freeing them from corporate jail in the process and giving them the necessary citizen's identity chips - plus implanting them with poison sacs timed to kill them in the event they failed to complete their task in time. He reported that he had previously recruited Philge independently, who had completed a job for him and then gotten a job at the Horizon corporation.

Largely due to errors made by the Dragon Friends, he also had to:

* Refer them back to the Horizon corporation after Johnny was snatched from his concert;
* Send Sally Gunbear to assist them in a gunfight with police officers outside the Guggenheim;
* Transport them to London to hack the ZOG Bank server and have their names added to the Freeside guest list;
* Transport them to Australia to actually enter Freeside.

Since the ultimate conclusion of the mission was the destruction of Freeside (including the Horizon compound there) and the death and virtual apotheosis of Johnny Playstation, it is likely he ultimately regretted his hiring decisions.

In the Tomb of Annihilation Board Game episode, Dave mentioned that Mr Sour was named after *SourPower12*, a Twitch viewer who came to Australia from Michigan to see the Dragon Friends.
Season 2

## List of Episodes

* A Whole New Boltgame
	+ Indeed I am Swole (2.01)
	+ Classic Six Behavior (2.02)
* A Deeply Selfish Sidequest
	+ A Level One Handshome Man (2.03)
	+ That's Why You Eat Carbs (2.04)
* The One Where It's Finally A Full Moon Again
	+ Some Kind of Jazz Werewolf (2.05)
	+ The Bravest Man in Wickshire (2.06)
* Guess Who's Coming To Dinner
	+ A Skellington Walkie-Talkie (2.07)
	+ Was Me Even Eating Thyroid (2.08)
* Boardwalk Vampires
	+ This is Who I Am (2.09)
	+ This Plan Seems Solid (2.10)
* Gno Place Like Gnome
	+ But I'm Riding a She-Orc (2.11)
	+ I'm The 9 In This Relationship (2.12)
* A Flawless Rescue Operation
	+ The Vampire Named Strahd Too! (2.13)
	+ Worst Rescuers Ever (2.14)
* A Tomb of One's Own
	+ I'm Just Gonna Punch Someone (2.15)
	+ 6,000 Uncontrollable Buttholes (2.16)
Put It All On Red! (Cocktail)

**PUT IT ALL ON RED!**

* 1.5 oz cinnamon whiskey (if you're fancy you can go with 1 oz regular whiskey with 1/2 oz Goldschläger)
* 1 oz Aperol
* 1/2 oz amaro
* 1/2 oz lemon juice
* Sizable dose of ginger bitters
* Muddled raspberries in the shaker
* Shake, strain, top with ginger beer, garnish with a raspberry, hope for the best
The Murder of Garry

## Description

*Ready.....Aim.....*
It seems The Dragon Friends are in a hopeless situation. Their sentence has been decided and their escape impossible. Is this the end of the road for our time-jumping protagonists?

## Synopsis

This episode entry is in need of a synopsis. Please consider taking a few minutes to add one.

## Cast

### Dragon Friends

* Philge
* Bobby Pancakes
* Freezo
* Baston

### NPC's

* Doonaface
* Byron Vowell
Robert

Robert is Bobby Pancakes' werewolf alter-ego. After intentionally contracting lycanthropy in A Valuable Addition to Our Team (1.11), Bobby transforms into a werewolf to attack Davin Tyrill in the next episode. However, it is a great strain on his willpower and he is not entirely capable of controlling the bestial impulses.

Between Season 1 and Season 2, Bobby works on mastering his werewolf side, and that struggle is key to his decision to leave Waterdeep for Barovia. He struggles with this on his own and starts to chain himself up and gorge on steaks whenever the full moon rises.

By the point he transforms in Some Kind of Jazz Werewolf (2.05) a fully-fleshed second personality has emerged: Robert, a sexy, bloodthirsty monster and a real cool cat.

Later, Bobby tries to convince Glitter Gleam that Robert is some kind of performance art.

It's not clear how this will play out in Season 4 as they are on a starship and from space, moons are full all the time.
Son of Bonker

## Episode Order

### Previous

An Embarrasing Lack of Yes And-ing (8.10)

## Description

*The Dragon Friends have another fork in their ever deepening quest to return home. Can they help a young rabbit solve an ideological food shortage without unnecessary violence and jingle related tangents.*

## Synopsis

This episode entry is in need of a synopsis. Please consider taking a few minutes to add one.

## Cast

### Dragon Friends

* Philge
* Bobby Pancakes
* Freezo

### Guest NPC's

* Donk Bonkerson, the magnificent Bonker and magician (played by Tom Cardy)
* The \_ Fred, Donk's twin brother looking for his adjective (also played by Tom Cardy)
Who Is Stealing My Cabbages

*Who is Stealing My Cabbages*, also known as "*Someone Stole My Cabbage,* a musical mistake in three acts over nine hour"s, a musical written by Elsebeth Truscott and Flotion farmer in Daggerford and performed by the local community theatre, starring Elsebeth in the starring role of the farmer's wife and stage managed by Crawford the Pelican.

Act 1: A beautiful cabbage field

Act 2: A street in Daggerford, before the Temple of Mystra

It lasts for 9 hours and has the overture:

```
Oh, someone stole my cabbages
I need them back
Someone stole my cabbages
Give them back to me
I love them in a soup
I love them in a stew
Oh, someone stole my cabbages
Give them back to me

```

The opening features an audience participation refrain of:

```
Cabbages, Cabbages, big and juicy cabbages.

```

The Dragon Friends visited the final performance where Lionshield Banknote Murdered Elsebeth with a Fireball. The ensuing flames engulfed the Theatre, killed most of the front row injured Crawford and Philge and burned the Rivershine Hall down to the ground
Sonic Church

The Sonic Church, also known as **The Sonic Church of the Sirens**, is a religious organization founded in the new timeline. They emerged in response to the emergence of the *Blank Note*, an audio phenomenon first appearing over one hundred years ago.

Their largest sect is located in the town of Dorian, situated in the desert (and neutral zone) of Anorak, the Desert Periless.

## Notable members

* Elder Cree(d), elder prophet and/or daddy, village elder of Dorian
* Echo, also known as Doonaface and Senõr Doonafache
* Chime, a harengon (rabbitfolk) junior acolythe
* Stanza, a harengon with black paint over the eyes who likes the group to meet daddy (he has issues)
* Rhyme, a harengon
* Toot Toot (or Honk Honk, or Beep Beep), a cleric in the village of Dorian
* The twins, Piano and Forte
* Coda
* Stegano
* The brothers Knock, Knok and Nock. Knock is a plumber
* A masked artist in a caravan (possibly)
The Milk Dimension

A dimension made of milk. An elemental plane of milk. Milk.

Its existence was never proven until A Yulemas Very Merry in which it was visited by Philge, although Bushu insists that he has been there. She learned that the Milk Dimension is not actually a dimension, but the connective tissue that connects other times and realities to form the multiverse

The milk dimension does not exist in Theros

## Appearances

* I'm Just Gonna Punch Someone (2.15)
* 6,000 Uncontrollable Buttholes (2.16)
* A Very Dragon Chrisfriends
* A Yulemas Very Merry
You Can't Just Donk Them

## Description

The Dragon Friends have made their way to the heart of Netheril at great cost. The only person who stands between them and their goal of returning to the past and correcting past mistakes is the great Karsus the Kind himself.

## Synopsis

This episode entry is in need of a synopsis. Please consider taking a few minutes to add one.

## Cast

### Dragon Friends

* Philge
* Bobby Pancakes
* Baston
* Freezo
* Lionshield Banknote (alternate timeline)

### NPCs

* Karsus
* Ignatius Bum
* Mr Piss
Shonling

***Elf Shonling*** is a Half Elf mercinary played by Scott Huntington. Lothario Windswept hired him to investigate the Red Houses. During this time Shonling was staying at Windswept's lodgings, and was not able to assist when he was kidnapped. He and Lothario, are friends, despite the fact that Lothario is paying him. He makes mouse soup.

## Background

Shonling was hired by Lotherio Windswepto assist with his investigation of The Red Houses after Lothario discovered him in a tavern in Daggerford. He moved in with Windswept at his tenement building whilst the investigation continued. It is likley that he invented the house rules. On the night Windswept was kidnapped, Shonling had stayed back at the building to observe. The night before Windswept was rescued, Shonling saw a wagon leave the Red House, headed in the direction of Flosen.

After Lothario was rescued by The Dragon Friends, Shonling met with the group.

## Decription

* Classically Beautiful Elven Features
* Long hair
* Big bow
* Longsword,
* Mercenary Clothes.
Our Life Continues Together

## Description

*Six Dragon Friends. Two Companions. Two Timelines. One Dragon.*

*The Dragon Friends are home, but it's a home that's both all too familiar and forever changed. Their intervention in their past lives has already caused them to fail their first mission, and now they have to deal with the consequences of that failure, assuming they can trust the most dangerous enemy they've come across so far: Themselves.*

## Synopsis

This episode entry is in need of a synopsis. Please consider taking a few minutes to add one.

## Cast

### Strikeforce Eagle

* Philge
* Dilge, a half-orc with big city dreams, sister of Philge (played by Tom Walker)
* Logan the Huge, a druidic tortle now part of a new, old timeline (played by Tom Cardy)

### Strikeforce Lion

* ~~Chineezo~~ Freezo (later defected to form *Strikeforce Freezo*)
* Freezo, a high elf warlock raised in a temple of Mystra (played by Michael's fiancee, Hum)
* Philge, a half-orc barbarian (played by Alex's brother, Riordan Lee)

### Strikeforce Wurm

* Bobby Pancakes
* Bobby Pancakes, a halfling rogue working for Janos Meer (played by Simon's father, Christopher Greiner)

### NPC's

* Davin Tyrril, the 'fake' duke of Daggerford and current cultist leader of the Artificers
* Gabu'strath, the black dragon controlled by the cult
* Janos Meer, the Beggar King of Waterdeep
* A number of Artificer related NPC's
* The 1000 year old silver dragon wyrmling

## Places

### Waterdeep

* Griffin Aerie
* House of the Artificer
* Virgin's Square
* That place they started in
* Janos Meer's large wardrobe which happens to be a room
Wait, Who Dis

## Description

*The Dragon Friends came so close to their final destination, but have faced a final, deadly hurdle. Can they guile their way back home from the literal depths of hell.*

## Synopsis

This episode entry is in need of a synopsis. Please consider taking a few minutes to add one.

## Cast

### Dragon Friends

* Philge
* Bobby Pancakes
* Freezo

### Guest NPC's

* Logan the Huge, a container sized tortle who easily imprints on other people (played by Tom Cardy)
* The Engine Mistress, a clockwork lady who drives the Iron Engine (a train) between hell and Faerûn, commander of the Enginists (played by Montaigne)

## Places

* Dis, second layer of the Nine Hells
	+ The Iron City
That's Why You Eat Carbs

## Description

With the sun on their backs and the spider’s lair behind them, the Dragon Friends have made their way to Lake Zarovich and the mysterious gypsy camp of Madame Eva. What dangers lie in store, and is it possible that all of this is maybe just a little bit racist?

## Synopsis

Philge poisoned, Freezo in pain, and Bobby still missing, Kareena takes them to a camp of gypsies, being careful to walk in the shade. They arrive and meet Lancel. He tells them that they all look tired and pale, and Kareena says it's because she's paleo.

Kareena casts a Minor Illusion of Horsey Two-Horse and Baston is overjoyed to see him. Freezo casts Find Familiar to summon his new pseudodragon, Bushu. After a while the Dragon Friends are lead to Madame Eva's tent, which is thick with the smoke of sandalwood. She has a vision, clutching Philge and Freezo's hands. She tells them she sees Bobby, and she sees a beautiful woman trapped in Castle Ravenloft. She tells Philge that Bobby is in a cavern under a great tree, and that if they seek him, he will turn on them. They spend the night. In the morning, Lancel tells them where to find the tree they are looking for.

They arrive at the Cave under the Tree and find the Relic of Pelor. Freezo grabs it first, so Kareena attacks him, beginning combat. She tells them that she works for Strahd von Zarovich and all she wants is the relic. Kareena shatters Freezo's quarterstaff and all of his sunglasses. She turns into a cloud of bats and disappears.

## People

### Dragon Friends

* Philge
* Freezo
* Baston

### Non-Player Characters (NPCs)

* Madame Eva
* Kareena

## Places

* Barovia
* Lake Zarovich
* Barovian Gypsy Camp
* Svarlich Crypts

## Themes, tropes and running jokes

* Edan Lacey does a hillbilly jig during the episode

## Quotes

* "Is a complaining piano player part of your customs gypsy man?" -Philge
* "People seem to just tag along when we ask." — Philge breaks the fourth wall slightly; the rest of the episode plays with this a bit as various characters refuse to follow them anywhere

## Table Talk

* Michael Hing realizes that Witch Bolt is actually a concentration spell
* Bushu's voice was initially modeled on Eddie Murphy, who played a legally distinct dragon named Mushu in *Mulan*. When Hing challenged this as being potentially racist, Edan briefly tried out a Foghorn Leghorn voice before giving Bushu the disaffected Afrikaaner persona that we've all come to know and love.
The King of Feathers

This article needs a bit more detail. If you're familiar with the topic, please consider expanding it.

## Episode Order

### Next

Fane of the Night Serpent, Pt 1 (TOA 2.04)

## People

### Dragon Friends

* Philge
* Freezo
* Bobby Pancakes
* Baston

## Themes, tropes and running jokes

* Hello Bees - Alex proclaims "Hello beads!" when Freezo examines a beaded pendant
* Cum Jokes - Dave finds it difficult to stop people from talking about cum after Ben suggests that the room full of keys the party finds might be the remains of a swinger party

## Quotes

* "It's been a month for you! Is Trump still president?" — a bleary-eyed Dave who's been doing this for six hours tries to introduce the show
* "Throughout all of this you have gathered puzzle cubes like a fucking Harry Potter terrier gathering horcruxes." — Dave
* "It's easy to forget that you guys have been doing this for six hours. Sometimes you press a button and a light starts flashing that usually doesn't." — Tom Walker apologizes for being obnoxious to Hing
* "I *think* the clue was when Dave said, 'All there is to do is run.'" — Edan furthers the plot
* "What the fuck? This is the official Wizards of the Coast channel!" — Dave reacts to everyone starting to sing for some reason
* "You get the sense that it has little patience for your bullshit." "Oh, a real Dave!" — Dave & Simon
* "You know when the audience is yelling to you, as an act of mercy, 'just rip his lungs out', that you've made some bad choices." — Alex

## Table Talk

* This is the 7th and 8th hours of a marathon 8-hour session, and includes such wonders as Ben trying to drink a microphone and Alex starting an extended series of sing-alongs when Dave says the word "boulevard".
* Tom Walker reprises his role as Speaks Brusquely from the previous episode, though he is no longer wearing tape on his face.
Temple of Mystra

The worship of Mystra, the goddess of magic and arcane mysteries, was widespread in The Sword Coast. The Dragon Friends have encountered two temples of Mystra in their travels: in Daggerford and in Waterdeep.

More info on Mystra can be found at the Forgotten Realms Wiki.

## Daggerford

The Temple of Mystra in Daggerford was run by Mistress Lorna and housed numerous acolytes many of whom (including Freezo) were orphans or foundlings left in their care. The Temple also opened its doors to holy travelers and paladins such as Kithercy Gellantara.

Acolytes of the temple took vows of poverty, living in small rooms on a simple diet of quinoa mush.

## Waterdeep

As above, but supplementing temple income through the sale of sunglasses.

Freezo spent much of the Dragon Friends' Waterdeep adventures apart from the group, spending his time alone in the Temple. The Waterdeep temple also provided healing services for Janos Meer in the aftermath of The Shipyard Betrayal.

Appearances:

* The Less Theatrical Hobgoblin (1.03)
Season 6

Set three years after the events of Undermining a Dracula, **Season 6'**s main campaign titled *Resistance* began early 2020 and follows the Dragon Friends as they return to the Sword Coast and reunite with each other to make things right.

The Downtime Episode, a Twitch/Patreon exclusive, covers the three years in between season's 5 and 6.

## List of Episodes

* Bobby Bobby Blini Boy (6.01)
* Could You Cast Friends on Me (6.02)
* Armour Class of the Back of the Throat (6.03)
* We Unpack Later with a Professional (6.04)

* Age of Isolation: These episodes were recorded by multicasting from the Draggoes' homes due to the COVID-19 pandemic.
	+ The Stussy Sign (6.05)
	+ Teabag in the Blowhole (6.06)
	+ Stiffen Shaftally (6.07)
	+ The Metallic Fanta (6.08)
	+ The World's Sturdiest Chode (6.09)
	+ The Wizard, Richard (6.10)

* Prove It, Brandon (6.11)
* This, How You Say, Crab (6.12)
* Wicked Shaaahp (6.13)
* Are There Any Fursonas? (6.14)
* He Loves To Drop Plot Points (6.15)
* Home is Full of Vampires (6.16)
* Cool Puberty (6.17)
* Heebied His Jeebies (6.18)
* I'm Squizzing (6.19)
* Heart of Stone, Heart of Glass (6.20)

Yulemas special:

* Freezen - a Dragon Friends Christmas Musical (Act 1)
* Freezen - a Dragon Friends Christmas Musical (Act 2)
The Terrible and Lamentable History of the Noble House of Strahd

A giant magical book kept in the library of Castle Ravenloft.

The book details the history of the Strahd family member, particulary those who carry the title of Strahd von Zarovich, as well as some lesser known ancestors and events.

In the Did You Know? section of the book, fact number three is: On the third day of the second year of Chawimbo, In the month of Dingle, a large cow married his sister.

Another fact in the book says: Did you know that Ernie von Zarovich invented corn?

In particular, on the last page, it says:

*So it came to pass on the night of Sergei’s wedding the disaster and discord befell this most ancient house, for Strahd stricken with jealousy could not abide his brother’s happiness and plotted to take Sergei’s new wife as his own. Strahd offered a toast at the wedding feast and Sergei did drink deeply from that poisoned chalice, but Sergei’s young bride Patrina shared in the drink and both fell at once into sickness and death. For his sins, Strahd lost the only thing he truly cared about and was driven mad by the gods as punishment. Now Strahd lives a cursed half-life as vampire and abomination. He can be harmed no weapon or spell, save at the hand of Sergei’s named sword, a present from Strahd on his engagement. The weapon’s location is lost to history.*

Bobby Pancakes keeps the book and still has it on him when the Dragon Friends are sent back in time in “Canadian Death” (7.01). This proves disastrous when Bobby reveals its existence to the leader of the Freeborn, not realising he’s a young Strahd, in “Start on a Lizard” (7.04). Strahd steals the book and uses it to successfully topple the Netherese Empire, creating an alternate history where he is the immortal ruler of the world, which the Friends visit in “A Metric Throng” (7.05).