No Good Damage

## Content Information

*Half an hour later*

Arsling ran down Carter Hall towards Didis room, she had technically spent all yesterday in the company of Xander but for all purposes she had been alone for far longer than she would’ve liked, when she arrives at the door she slows down and knocks as calmly as she can

Didi was wrapped in a towel as she answered and ushered Arsling inside, giving her a powerful hug as soon as the door was shut again.

“I’m so glad they didn’t hurt you,” she said, keeping her voice a little low to avoid disturbing the sleeping Lily.

Arsling fell into the hug almost exhausted from the run “y-yeah, so am i” Arsling planted a kiss on Didi's cheek just so happy to be in her arms and feel safe from the madness that was the outside world

Didi had a pitcher of lemonade on her desk and poured some for Ash, next to a bag of jerky. She grew to wolfwoman form and tossed the towel aside, then picked up Arsling in another hug.

“You’re safe, Ash.” She sniffed the other girl, pausing in one particular place and frowning at the scent. “This must be the one who got away.”

Arsling chuckled “yeah, dude must’ve reeked if you can smell him on me” Arsling smiled weakly resting in Didis arms “i’m so worried about Xander and Tamzen”

“If I catch his scent, he won’t get away again.” Of course, it would be too late. They’d be out hunting werewolves. She shook her head. “Right, Xander and Tamzen. They’re holed up at the radio station?”

“Staying there and not drinking or eating, Tamzen should’ve passed out by now but somethings keeping her going, as for xander he’s lying by the door of the booth waiting for Tamzen to come out” Arsling nuzzled into Didis fur getting as comfy as possible “Xanders a serpentine so i guess this might be ok for his biology but...Tamzen is human it doesn’t make sense”

“She does this sometimes. When things are bad.” Didi frowned and peered out the window. A few weeks ago, she’d have been there in an instant, licking Tamzen’s face and making her laugh and feel better. Now… it was better she stay away. “Xander’s there. Do you think he’ll take good care of her?”

"He's not talked to me since he collapsed down by the door, she's in her own world and so is he" Arsling sighs "what happened last time when she acted like this?"

“She’s always come out on her own. She has snacks and stuff.” Didi frowned. “So Xander’s not so much there waiting to take care of her as he is catatonic nearby?” She sighed. “I guess they do need help…”

"Yeah, I'll check up on him as best I can, make sure he's not starving or dying or hurt" Arsling says getting quieter and quieter as she quietly thinks to herself, how this is all her fault

“Okay…” Didi wanted to help, but it might be for the best to let Arsling handle it. “Let me put together a care package, then… and be careful!”

"Yeah I will" Arsling gently rests into Didi's arms yawning loudly "thanks Didi...I love you" she says sleepy as the days emotional and physical exhaust catches up to her

Didi let out a heavy breath and held the redhead close until she was ready to go bring a care package to her friends.

\*\*\*

During the day, they met back up at the cabin they’d found in the woods. Didi had prepared shepherd’s pie for them in a little travel container and was wearing her cozy NASA sweatshirt.

Arsling sat down at the shitty somehow not falling apart table "y'know we should try to renovate this place, make it all bright and lively like it probably was a lifetime ago" Arsling says glancing around at the considerably beaten up decor

“In our spare time,” joked Didi. “Between practice, patrol, classes, projects… say, what are you doing for the summer? Sticking around here?”

Arsling smiled “probably, might visit home before home comes to visit me, thought about trying to get into DND but i’m pretty sure my life has enough fantastical elements to count as a DND campaign, whatever i do i plan to invite people, what's the point of having memories if you’re not sharing them with people you love afterall” Arsling smiles digging into the shepherds pie “what about you? Planning on kicking Gordan Ramseys ass?”

“It would be so fun to go on a cooking show! But yeah, I’ll visit home between finals and my summer internship at Flowbolt in Amber Springs. I need to finish my bike in time to commute and not be stuck on the bus.” She studied Arsling’s face, questioning. Finally she voiced the question. “People you love. You use that word… what does it mean to you? When you say you love me?”

Arsling looked confused “that i love you, that i trust you and want to be with you as much as possible, sure i love Xander and Tamzen but they’re my besties, i’m not attracted to them the same way i am to you” Arsling tilted her head

Didi ran a hand through her hair. “It’s just… the first time you said it, you barely knew me. I thought it must be the sex or the concussion… then I realized, I just don’t know what it means to you. Like maybe it’s not a big deal. And I heard… are you telling people that we’re *dating*?”

“I told Selene we were girlfriends...i-i’m sorry i-i thought we were” a wash of panic appears in Arslings eyes and face thinking about the supposedly romantic gesture of chocolates that Didi gave Arsling or the talk afterwards and the kissing and everything, maybe she was misreading it, afterall, *“i'm only good at making mistakes”*

“Dammit, I told you to ask me out and you never did! We’ve *never* gone on a date, how the hell are we…” She stood up and started pacing the room. “When you were concussed… well, I didn’t want you to ask me out then, anyway. I was scared and guilty and didn’t want to lie even more. Then I was trying to take care of you… Ash how could we be dating if we’ve never been on a date? Why would you say that to people but never ask me out? Say that you love me... I don’t understand you at all!”

“I suck at this ok!” Arsling shouts in a panic breathing heavily “i just...i don’t know, i don’t think of girlfriends and dating as the same thing, before when i was human i was so scared of roping you into my bullshit, that if i actually took you on a date you’d get hurt, now its because i've realised i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing all i do is keep making mistakes and maybe that was scaring me off or maybe its the fact i have no idea what i’d even do for a date? I can’t think of anywhere i’d take anyone to show them that i loved them” Arsling buries her head into her hands “i-im sorry i fucked up again”

Didi leaned against the wall of the cabin. “This kind of shit is exactly why I’m a relationship anarchist, so that people don’t just make up meanings in their head, so people actually communicate, so people don’t assume they can own me and how I get to relate to other people.” She let her head flop back against the wall as well, with a thud. “The last time I told someone I loved her, it… ugh, it doesn’t matter. Listen, I like what we have. Friends with benefits, pack with benefits. There’s nothing wrong with not dating or not being girlfriends when it doesn’t feel right. What pisses me off is ignoring what I really am, what I really feel, giving people the wrong idea, or trying to own me, label me, trade me…”

“Im sorry” Arsling throughout the rant began to sob quietly mumbling gently apologies before saying loud enough to hear “i’m sorry that i’m in your life” she slumped hard against the table, thinking of running away from everyone *“you are poison, you hurt everything you touch”* she thinks to herself before seemingly unintentionally mumbling aloud “my mother would be so ashamed…”

Didi’s gut clenched at Arsling’s tears and whimpering. “I said I like-- shit, I’m sor-- this is why I didn’t want to say anything, but we can’t just…” She sat next to Arsling and put her arms around her, pausing. “...your mother?”

"She'd hate who I am...she'd see who I am, a useless fuckup who hurt's everyone she touches...my mother should hate me...you should hate me and I'll never understand why you don't" Arsling sobs out not reacting to the hug

"I'm sorry i-i tried t-to o-own you" she barely manages to say crying onto the table

“Oh my gods, no, you’re not useless… you bring people a lot of happiness. Me included! Having like a boundary or getting mad doesn’t mean I hate you or you’re worthless.” She joined Arsling’s slump on the table. “I’m really not good at being comforting in these situations. Do you want to wolf out and fight or something?”

"All I do is hurt people, I hurt Xander I hurt Tamzen I hurt you a-all I do is hurt" Arsling sniffles "what's the point of making people happy when I just end up hurting them" Arsling asks turning her wet face towards Didi

Looking stricken, Didi stood again to pace the small room. “I don’t know! It’s not true that you just hurt people, but… I don’t feel like I can be the one to comfort you right now. It’s true that I am hurt. I don’t think it’s apocalyptic, but I also don’t feel like I can just set it aside, keep things inside until they explode, be the one giving comfort right now.” She wiped a tear away, still pacing as if trapped in the room. “Maybe… maybe a run? Get out of your head for a minute?”

Arsling raised her head before carelessly throwing clothing aside before silently shifting letting Cutie envelop her as the large ginger wolf looks down in shame, as well as reeking of it as her internal dialogue looked for some way to say sorry again, but instead relaxing into the wolf, embracing the simple joy and sensations, it was intoxicating

Normally she'd be putting out the panic attack that comes with her shifting but, she was more miserable and panicked before shifting

Didi did likewise, taking Fluffy form to let things be a little more simple. She’d been tempted to run from the whole conversation, but she cared about Ash too much. So they could run together, dashing up to the ridgeline and basking in the wind, sipping from the stream and thanking the water spirits, rolling in the grass as flowers bloomed.

Cutie smiled nuzzling Didi before pushing open the front door, tail wagging as she took in the smell of the woods, she felt she found an answer to something she had been thinking about for five days now, how does she just be happy, the answer being to be the wolf and embrace this side of her, Didi would be able to smell the wolf growing stronger in Arsling

Seeing Cutie happy made Didi wag as well. At least like this, things could be simple…