F-ZERO RISING: REVENGX Part 3/Original Story

"The championship belt for the winner of this Grand Prix will go nicely in my collection... my collection of all powerful objects and relics, that is.
  "This gigantic green emerald I wear on my suit is in fact the Chaos Emerald of Immortality. Not one of those shitty ones that turn you yellow or whatever. I speak, of course, of the Chaos Emeralds from the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, the emeralds that hold TRUE power. However, this was the only one of the cartoon emeralds I was able to obtain before Mobius was retconned and the others were erased from existence.
  "Though I suspect not even the fools who organized the Grand Prix know this, but the emerald jewel within the emblem of the championship belt is actually the Chaos Emerald Ring, which had been thought lost to time, and I'm sure only a few souls would even remember the existence of, much less the true power of it. Not to mention, the belt itself contains smelted down particles of VHS tapes of 90s Sonic Cartoons that got mixed in with the regular gold rings they were smelting down to make the gold on the belt. If I can regain these tapes and gain access to the rest of the emeralds, including the Chaos Ring itself, then I will have the means to become the ultimate life form. I already possess immortality, but invincibility, invisibility, and life, will all be within my grasp...
  "This Wariod character proves to be a useful pawn, for now. He seems quite content at the thought of the prize money alone. His lack of ambition is something I can count as one of my advantages. I will keep him in the dark, and lead him to believe that is my sole interest as well. He doesn't need to know of my grander machinations, and I can do away with him when the time is right regardless. He seems powerful now, but he'll be no match for me once I ascend.
  "Though, I have a feeling that others within this race may have caught on to my plans. I have no idea how. I've been incredibly cautious and secretive about my goals. It would take someone with a true galaxy brain to even have a clue that my intentions are darker and more terrible than anyone could ever imagine. Still, I can't shake the feeling I'm being followed. And my intuition tells me that contemptible Captain Falcon has something to do with all this.
  "Ah. No matter. There's only a little more left to this asinine race. Soon, the whole universe will be within my grasp."

  When we last left off, the racers were finishing up the second stretch of the race, positioned to charge in to the third sector headfirst...

  Captain Falcon and Raiden were met with a relatively peaceful moment of repose. There weren't any other cars in sight, friend or foe, and it was a pretty lengthy straightaway leading from the end of the Lightning sector to the beginning of the next sector. The two found the opportunity to simply talk.
  "So, Captain," the cyborg opened as he continued jogging along the track, "How does it feel to be back at it again after so long?"

  ---Music: Enclosure---

  Captain Falcon thought on the question for a moment. "It feels... strange. When I've raced, I've always done it to win. But this time my goal isn't first place, it's like... I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing here, or why. Don't get me wrong, I know that we have a mission to complete. But, still, if feels like even if Douglas Falcon wants to finish the mission, Captain Falcon just wants to win."
  Raiden's gaze turned toward the ground as he processed the information, making Captain Falcon think that he was confusing his partner with abstract emotions. "I'm sorry, I guess I'm not really making sense here."
  Although Raiden's laugh in response was brief, it was genuine. "Actually, I know exactly what you mean. I've been a soldier all of my life. I've fought simply because it's always been what I'm best at, and reasons didn't even matter. But, at some point, I was able to really evaluate who am I and what matters to me. And these days, I only fight for what I believe in. Tito is someone I believe in, and his intentions are just. I'm happy to lend him my blade if it means taking down scum like Genie. Do you take any comfort in the fact that we're out here today trying to accomplish something very good?"
  Falcon tried to smirk, but the attempt was half-hearted at best. "I can't really convince my heart that. I still feel like the adrenaline of the race is the only thing keeping me going, and that it has brought out an identity that was better off forgotten. I thought I had changed in these fifteen years. I didn't want to go back to being a selfish egoist of a racer who's only here to be better than everyone else, but that side of me keeps coming back. And the worst thing is... that's the side of me that I know wins races. I don't think I can do this without relying on my own arrogant pride."
  Raiden's eyebrows curled in an empathetic expression that wasn't quite quite happy, but was a soft smile nonetheless. "You know, every once in a while I go back to being my old self, too. I used to be a psycho murder machine that people called Jack the Ripper. And all Jack wants to do is stab people, a lot. It's the side of myself and my past that I'm least proud of."
  After a brief moment of reflection, Raiden continued the flow of the conversation. "I don't like it when the ugly sides of my past show. But when it does, I make sure that I point it in a direction that I know I won't regret later."
  Falcon held his chin. "So, you don't let the negative sides of your personality control your overall motivations, is that right?"
  "Yeah!" Raiden nodded, "I know that I'm a good person, and that some repressed emotions within me aren't going to change that. I think you're like that too, Captain. Just because you're interested in playing for glory doesn't mean that you aren't a great person with noble intentions. If anything, you should embrace your drive to win if it helps you reach the finish line!"
  "That's... a lot to process," Captain Falcon admitted.
  "You know, Captain..." Raiden added, "It's also worth noting that you're a symbol, really."
  "What do you mean?" the captain questioned for clarity.
  "You've met Snake, before, right? Solid Snake, I mean."
  "Yeah. He's pretty cool, we got along well," Falcon chuckled, thinking back to the special operations agent who he had been sparring with since the Super Smash Bros. Brawl days.
  "Snake was actually my hero. To this day, I respect him immensely. He has a ton of emotional baggage, sure, and he wasn't always happy with himself or what he was doing. He was rough around the edges, but I only saw the good in him and he inspired me. To me, he'll always be a hero who I looked up to."
  Captain Falcon dwelled on the comments Raiden was making.
  "You're super famous, to be honest. You're the face of this whole F-ZERO franchise, from what I can tell, and people love you for it," Raiden elaborated, "So even if you don't like the person you were in the past, that person still probably meant something to a lot of people. You may not have considered yourself a hero, but I'm sure there were people out there who saw you as one anyway."
  "I see where you are coming from," Captain Falcon smiled, "Thanks, partner."
  Raiden gave Captain Falcon a salute. "Any time. Now, we should probably get back to the story. It's probably been like ten minutes and there haven't been any jokes. People are already starting to walk out of the theater."

  ---Music: Selector---

  Visually, it was hard to tell that the black thunderclouds were dissipating the further away the pilots drove from Lightning, as it had already become quite dark outside regardless. However, it was clear that the filthy gray smog had given way to a deep, blue night sky. There were a few scattered stars, but not many of them shone particularly brightly, as light pollution was taking effect as well. The race track began to look like that of a traditional highway, and in the far distance, Captain Falcon and Raiden could see the peaks of skyscrapers in the distance, along with flashing lights and the honks of beeping cars.
  Mr. Zero drank from a water bottle to refresh his sore throat from all of the yelling, before jumping right back into the fray. "More than half of the remaining pilots have crossed through the Lightning section of the Grand Prix! There's just one bridge and a few turns to cross before they reach the next location in this race, a stunning metropolis second only to Mute City in size... Mushroom City!" he finished announcing, eliciting large cheers and applause from the audience. "This lively locale is always bustling! The F-ZERO Grand Prix is quite possibly only the second most exciting thing about Mushroom City, next to the city's own night life!"
  "I can see our house from here!" Bill chuckled.
  "Mushroom City was first seen in Mario Kart: Double Dash!!" Shy Guy explained, "A game which was influential in the restructuring of the rules of this current Grand Prix, and one of my personal favorites!"
  "That's right, my friend," Bill nodded, "Double Dash!! was one of the most successful Gamecube games to date, selling over seven million copies, just barely coming in second place to Super Smash Bros. Melee! That's impressive success, despite being a wildly inferior racing game to F-ZERO GX!"
  Shy Guy choked on his water and coughed. "Bill... what exactly is it you have been insinuating this whole time?"
  "Nothing at all!" Bill denied cheerily, "I'm simply giving trivia about the next location of the race! Here's another small factoid: Mushroom City is actually the second main source of pollution feeding the thunderclouds in the Lightning area! This is similar to how Nintendo has polluted the minds of its fans into forgetting what a real racing title is like."
  Shy Guy punched his fist into the table and held his head. "Bill, we are not doing this. We are *not.*Doing this."

  ---(Music End)---

  Mr. Zero, sensing the growing tension, picked right back up. "Well, uh, the social scene in Mushroom City is so electric, we couldn't even convince the occupants to clear out the roads for the Grand Prix! One of the biggest obstacles in this segment will be a driver's worst nightmare... *traffic!!!*"

  ---Music: Mushroom City (Redux)---

  Sure enough, the racers began to barrel through the city streets, sending cars airborne by driving and crashing straight through them. One car was sent smashing into the window of a corner store, lighting it on fire, while another spun out of control and hit a pole hard enough to tear down the street lights over an intersection. One F-ZERO was hit with a side swipe attack and went swirling into a truck which had been headed towards Moo Moo Meadows, letting loose dozens of cows out into the streets. Both Miis and cows panicked and ran for their lives amidst the confusion. Toll booths and police barricades alike were smashed through with reckless abandon. Ambulance alarms and fire truck sirens blared loudly and the local emergency response teams scrambled to address the growing chaos in the streets.
  The panelists were on the edges of the seats, and Shy Guy began with the next cycle of commentary. "This outrageous action is so intense that even our friend Lakitu is having trouble keeping up with the race!" the masked man explained, "I'll try my best to keep us up to speed while our cameraman gets situated! The second place leader, Putt-Putt, seems to have donned Little Mac's boxing gloves on his front two wheels! He's slugging trucks and cars away by force to make way down his warpath! Meanwhile, the third place racers, Doc Luis on a bike and Little Mac jogging to keep up, are giving dramatic chase to Pajama Sam and Putt-Putt to try and get his gloves back."
  "Wait--what's this!" Bill interjected, "Both teams are pushing through at such out-of-control speeds that they just narrowly missed running over the previous first-place team, Dio Brando from Jojo's bizarre adventure, and U.S. senator Wilson Phillips, voiced by Charles Martinet in the English dub! The politician driving the car is honking angrily and shouting in Mario and Luigi gibberish, and it looks like Dio has pulled out a cell phone and is calling local law enforcement to report reckless driving!"
  "It's mayhem out there!" Mr. Zero cried, "But there might be hope yet! Running up in fourth place is billionaire philanthropist Wizpig, flying with the aid of his Iron Ham Mark V armor! Sitting on his shoulders is none other than local resident Professor N on his Head! They both seem to be taking time out of the race to try and address the massive collateral destruction! The Professor has the healing bazooka from Shadow the Hedgehog and is firing it into all of the injured folks on the sidewalks below, and Wizpig is carrying a briefcase full of money which he is tossing every which way as recompense to try and repair the damages!"
  "Fear not!" Professor N on his Head cried dramatically, "The two most unambiguously heroic characters in this story will address this unacceptable behavior!"
  Suddenly, Wizpig jerked to the side as if something had just hit him, and his jetpack started smoking as he lost altitude. "Hold on a minute!!" Bullet Bill shifted his attention, "Someone, somewhere, is attempting to shoot Wizpig out of the sky!"
  A second shot pierced through the night, striking the case of money and scattering bills into the wind. Lakitu swung his camera to the source of the bullet, and the audience was given footage of the Fat Shark, coming in fast. Atop the machine was Wariod crouched on one knee in a sniping stance, staring down the scope of a Dragunov rifle with his beady Toad eye. As Wizpig slowly descended from the sky in spastic motions, Wariod pulled out the most specific tool in his arsenal, the coin-sucking vacuum from Mario Party 7, which he used to gather all of the falling money for himself. All the while, Don Genie was at the wheel of the vehicle, and blazed the two of them past the competition, inching closer and closer to the lead.
  "Wow! What a rude thing to do!" Mr. Zero condemned harshly, "I suppose we can't forget that there are no shortage of dishonorable individuals out on the tracks..."
  In the process of its straight shoot forward, the Fat Shark inched closer to an intersection of train tracks across the road. The safety bars began lowing as the Spirit Tracks train prepared to cross over on its usual route. The Fat Shark bashed through the bars like a comet, snapping them out of the way and narrowly cutting off the train as it attempted a last second emergency break. As Don Genie and Wariod made a clean getaway, the train was violently derailed, falling sideways.
  "Oh no! This is terrible!" Bill shouted in terror, "A train has completely blocked off the main path of the course!"
  All of the approaching racers had to make harsh turns to take alternate routes through side roads. Captain Falcon and Raiden were only shortly behind the main pack, driving and running side by side. They had only a few moments to decide on their course of action. Raiden tightly gripped the handle of his still sheathed sword. "Captain, let me jump on top of your car. I'll slice this train in half and you can drive right through!"
  "That might not be necessary," Captain Falcon smirked and pointed forward.
  "Oh, check this out!" Shy Guy called, "The conductor of the train is exiting the wreckage, and--wow, what's this?! It's Alfonzo! And he's using Fortnite build mechanics to construct a ramp!"
  Bullet Bill elaborates in full. "When a train blocks the racetrack, Alfonzo is in charge of making a shortcut!"
  "Leave it to me!" the dependable Alfonzo smiled and pumped his fist in the air, before doing one of the Fortnite dances.
  "Unfortunately," Mr. Zero winces, "It looks like the Meme Police are on the scene, giving him a citation. There's some dangerous memery going on down in the streets of Mushroom City, tonight. Always remember to reference responsibly!"
  "Hang on tight, Raiden," Captain Falcon warned with cocky confidence. His partner had already leapt atop the Neo Blue Falcon, and he grabbed a tight hold on one of its back fins. In slow motion, the car rode the ramp upwards and shot into the air, with Raiden hanging on to the back of it with one arm, clinging for dear life. As Captain Falcon rocketed through the air at tremendous speeds, another car appeared behind him, even going so far to use a boost in midair. It easily closed to distance between itself and the Neo Blue Falcon, and it rammed the side of the vehicle aggressively, nearly causing Raiden to lose his grip.

  ---Music: Theme of Deathborn---

  The two F-ZEROs crashed to the streets simultaneously, slightly bouncing and spewing out sparks from the short moment where they dragged across the pavement before regaining their hover.
  Captain Falcon's smile turned to one of disdain. "I was wondering when you would show up... Deathborn."
  "Friend of yours?" Raiden joked sarcastically.
  "You did well to handle my worthless minions..." the evil galactic overlord bellowed menacingly. He was driving the Dark Schneider, a purple F-ZERO which honestly looked a lot like Ridley's head.
  "You *do*realize that neither you nor Black Shadow are the main antagonists of this story, right?" Captain Falcon spoke openly and with honesty.
  "Yeah, that would have been pretty predictable," Raiden nodded in accordance.
  "I'll show *you* predictable!" Deathborn snarled. He opened up his cockpit and revealed that he had been wielding an illegally customized Beyblade launcher which had been modified to fit ten Beyblades at once. "Let it rip!" he shouted, aggressively pulling a ring on the device and sending all of the tops spinning at once. They fell behind the cars briefly, but quickly picked up speed. They all initiated intermittent blinking with red lights and seemed to be following the Neo Blue Falcon, along with other nearby F-ZEROs, as if they were homing missiles.
  Mickey Mouse and Huey were driving a go-kart in close proximity. Mickey noticed the Beyblades and smiled as one began spinning closer and closer to his kart. "Oh, look! Little toy tops! How adora-" he attempted to say before a massive explosion destroyed half of the city block the moment it made contact with Mickey's ride. "QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefffffffffffffff!!!!!!" Mickey cried out as his kart was launched into the distant sky where it disappeared with a twinkle, Team Rocket style.
  "Oh shit!" Blowtorch, the G.I. Joe and fire marshal of Mushroom City, shouted from behind the wheel of his fire truck, "Get the fuck outta here!"
  Several other nearby vehicles met with the same fate, getting obliterated by the vicious little Beyblades. Windows were shattered along the buildings lining the sides of the streets from the shockwaves, and all of the fire hydrants on the block burst from pressure, sending pillars of water skyrocketing uncontrollably.
  "Jesus Christ!" Shy Guy called out, "Deathborn is unleashing high-ordinance explosives out there on the track!"
  "Oh, the humanity!" Bill mourned, "Racers are getting retired left and right! Is there any end in sight to this extreme violence!?"
  "Look!" Shy Guy pointed with such forward momentum that he leaned over the table, "The Fire Stingray is gaining on the other racers, rushing forward right into the heat of battle without no concern at all for the danger! Just what is Samurai Goroh thinking...?!"

  ---Music: Karate Man---

  "Heh!" Goroh sneered as he pushed faster and faster speeds to catch up, "Looks like just another Joe Schmoe trying to get at Falcon before I do. Fat chance, vengeance will be mine alone! Better steer clear or I'll run you right over! Show them who the REAL Joe around here is!"
  Karate Joe stood confidently on the very tip of the Stingray's nose, holding a fighting stance. The spinning tops changed targets and went right for the First Stingray, only to be kicked up in the air and punched away rhythmically to the beat of his theme song. The tops were no match for the karate master's reflexes and skill, and the martial arts duo quickly cleared the track of all of the dangerous explosives.
  "Another pest, interfering... no matter," Deathborn giggled with sinister undertones, "Bring as many friends as you want, Falcon. This time, I've brought the one person in the universe even more dangerous than I am..."
  Deathborn finally revealed that his Double Dash!! partner was none other than Shaggy from Scooby Doo. The man lifted up his open palm and began charging a massive ball of energy, ready to fire at any moment. The Will Smith Genie materialized from Shaggy's powerful presence, and he began to swipe his arms at the energy ball, charging it up like a Rasengan.
  "There's no possible way any of you pathetic mortals can survive," Deathborn gloated, "So make your peace, and-"

  ---(Music End)---

  Dropping down from seemingly nowhere, Bowser crashed through the glass cockpit of the Dark Schneider. He landed in between the two seats and stomped on top of Will Smith, which caused the Genie to puff away as a cloud of blue smoke. "Police! Give yourselves up quietly--"

  ---Music: Jackie Chan Adventures Theme---

  Shaggy attempted to fire the energy orb at Bowser, but Bowser used his arm closest to Shaggy to grab the man's wrist, twisting it painfully and causing the energy ball to dissipate. As Deathborn pulled out a knife, Bowser used the back of his fist to strike the man in the shoulder, causing enough of an opening to turn the other way and disarm the knife instantly. Shaggy grit his teeth while sending a punch Bowser's way, but the Koopa King dodged it and Shaggy ended up hitting Deathborn. Bowser uppercut Shaggy in the jaw and quickly handcuffed the man, and while Deathborn was still recovering from the earlier hit, Bowser reached over to pull the lever on Deathborn's chair. The chair lost its suspension and leaned all the way backwards, allowing for Bowser to quickly un-click the man's seatbelt. He then lifted under Deathborn's legs and flipped the evil overlord backwards into the back seat, allowing him to scoot into the driver's seat to take the wheel.

  ---(Music End)---

  Shaggy regained his senses and emanated a frightening aura of energy as he snapped the handcuff chain in two. "Like, I haven't event used 1% of my-"
  Bowser floored a hard break, sending Shaggy flying forward to smack into the front windshield, cracking the glass and knocking the meme man out cold. Bowser adjusted his sunglasses and casually stepped out of the F-ZERO to begin writing arrest paperwork.
  With the Beyblade Bomber and his cohort subdued, the remaining racers on the track were able to resume their standard vies for first. Captain Falcon and Raiden maintained pretty steady positioning
  Deathborn groggily rose and shook his head a few times. With Bowser no longer in the car, he was free to start the engine and blast away from the officer. "Fool! You cannot arrest me! Plus, I wasn't the meme! I'm only guilty of third degree meme slaughter, at worst!"
  Deathborn started to see the street moving slowly, but suddenly his view tilted until he was facing against the street, and Shaggy's body slumped against he windshield.

  ---Music: Katamari Damacy Intro---

  Deathborn's perspective continued tilting until he was upside-down looking the opposite direction, and both he and Shaggy fell against the roof of the car. The tilting continued, and he faced upwards to the sky, only to tilt further still back to his original position. It was apparent to him that he was not driving at all. He was in fact rolling, somehow.
  Bowser chuckled a single time and shrugged. "Well, if you're out of the Meme Police's jurisdiction, then I'll just let the Real Ass Police send you to Real Jail."
  It was too late for Deathborn to escape now. He was stuck snuggly to the Katamari ball belonging to the newly graduated Prince of All Cosmos, who was now the Police Officer of All Cosmos. The Prince turned back around and rolled over to Bowser, and he jumped as high as he could so the two could share a high five. "Nice work, officer," Bowser complimented with a smirk.

  "There's no end to the surprises today!" Mr. Zero narrated, "The number of remaining racers is thinning out quickly! It seems many of the remaining pilots are neck and neck in one giant cluster as this race nears the final turning point before the fourth stage. And by turning point... well, I mean that quite literally!"
  "That's right, Mr. Zero!" Bullet Bill agreed, "Bring us a short glimpse of what's to come, will you, Mr. Lakitu? If we take a look ahead here..."
  The camera allowed the audience a sneak peak of the racing fixture that the F-ZERO pilots were nearing, which was like the gigantic winding spiral tower from Wario Colosseum, but much, MUCH larger. "Yessiree," Bill continued, "These pilots are about to face one of the toughest drifting challenges they've ever faced. This track is built like the rings of a screw, spinning downward and downward in circles for several hundred kilometers."
  Shy Guy gulped. "There's one final, large ramp at the very end of the spiral, which the pilots will have to use to jump to the next section of the race. The true challenge of this harrowing beast of a turn will be holding a powerslide as tightly as possible, just in time to let loose a mini-turbo boost at the very end of the spiral to cross the pit safely."
  "What?" Bullet Bill spoke back, sounding offended. "You're kidding, right? That's Mario Kart style drifting, and it's boring. F-ZERO drifting is so much more finely nuanced. In fact, there are two forms of drifting in F-ZERO, depending on whether or not you hold both shoulder buttons, or just one-"
  The first batch of pilots reached the entrance to the winding tower and they began drifting to the side. As they slid, little flames erupted from the sides of their vehicles, signifying the beginning of Mario Kart style power drifts.
  Bullet Bill took a deep breath in and blew a prolonged breath out. "You won't even let me have this, will you. Is that it?"
  "Bill, what in the world has gotten into you?" Shy Guy asked, legitimately concerned. "You've been acting strange this whole time-"

  ---Music: Gas Gas Gas---

  "Oh, I'll TELL ya what's strange," Bullet Bill shot back, "It's STRANGE that F-ZERO was absent from the Wii completely, despite the fact that motion controls are ideal for racing. It's *STRANGE* that Nintendo is sleeping on the greatest racing franchise of all time. It's ***STRANGE*** that the series has to stay dead and buried just because it isn't profitable like other cash-grab racing titles."
  "C'mon, Bill, don't be like that... F-ZERO was definitely profitable back in the day. It had that anime, after all, didn't it? It had like fifty episodes-"
  "Don't you dare speak to me about that garbage. If they had put that budget to better use, then Nintendo might still be making more F-ZERO games instead of crappy spin offs that don't even get the lore details right!"
  "Bill. Stop it. You are being ridiculous," Shy Guy toned down, still concerned, but growing increasingly frustrated, "I'm sure Nintendo still cares about F-ZERO, they just haven't been making new games because... because, uh..."
  Shy Guy reaching a loss of words made him realize he wasn't helping. "Well, I mean, they keep honoring the franchise all the time! Look at all of the F-ZERO tributes in the Mario Kart serie-"
  "Mario Kart this! Mario Kart that!" Bill shouted as he threw his hands up into the air flippantly. "Of course they'd rather play it safe and just throw us tiny little bones from within a much more popular series. If they truly cared, they wouldn't avoid a real F-ZERO sequel like cowards. You can keep your lousy Mario Kart DLC tributes. I'm so sick of Mario Kart! Mario Kart is less interesting, slower paced, and the characters are less creative!"
  "I resemble that remark!" Shy Guy spoke back, he himself starting to feel offended, "I was the one driving the karts for all the people who wanted to play Mario Kart DS that didn't have a cart of their own."
  "You know what else didn't have a cart of its own on DS? F-ZERO. Because it never got any DS games," Bill grumbled back in cynical defeat, "Unlike Mario Kart, which gets a new game every single time Nintendo gets a chance."
  "Look, Bill," Shy Guy appealed, "I get it. You're upset. We're *all* upset. It's frustrating not getting a new game for a series you like. But why does that have to detract from your enjoyment of other things? Mario Kart is fun."
  "Fun for casuals who play with items on," Bill snarked.
  "Jesus, Bill, grow up. Look, we can talk this out like-" Shy Guy began, before getting flustered and having an outburst, "Can we please turn the fucking Eurobeat music off?"
  Bullet Bill sighed. "We can't. This scene has drifting, so we have to play Initial D music."
  "Oh, yeah. The race. Let's shelf this for now," Shy Guy reasoned.
  "Sure. Whatever," Bill blew off.
  Mr. Zero had been narrating the whole time the two of them had been occupied. "Everyone is sliding like no tomorrow! Here they go now, starting from first place... the Fat Shark! Just narrowly behind them is the Fire Stingray, dueling valiantly to try and snag the lead spot! From there, we have the Neo Blue Falcon, tightly hugging the inside curve of the turn as his partner Raiden nimbly grinds his way down the guard rail on the edge of the track. After that, we see... it looks like the Initial D guy himself, along with his partner, Speed Racer! They are proving to be true masters of the art of drifting, passing each and every competitor in their quick bid for first! They swooced past the Fire Stringray so fast that it lost control and seems to be falling behind! There are several dozen other cars, too many to mention, but--wow, it looks like Luigi and Donkey Kong in the rear in the Great Fox!"
  The massive spaceship indeed tilted diagonally, laid out horizontally across the entire width of the track, and was coming up fast. It screeched horribly as it scraped against the ground, and any car unlucky enough to get in its way was either smashed, crushed, or knocked off the track.
  Captain Falcon's eyes widened, and he stepped on the gas to try and get the hell out of the way before meeting the same fate. He boosted like his life depended on it, as did all of the racers around him to try and escape.
  Raiden took a leap from the grind rail and landed on top of the Initial D guy's 90's car, which he rode like a skateboard. As he and the other racers flew off the ramp for their leap of faith, Raiden did a perfect kickflip across the chasm below.
  The racers flew through the air in an unimaginably long arc as if they were going in slow motion, jumping over twenty school busses, five helicopters, and the entire length of both the Grand Canyon as well as Red Canyon. They kept flying. And Flying. And Flying. It didn't really look like they would stop any time soon. In fact, many of the cars started to wobble and behave as if the gravity had significantly lessened.

  ---Music: Reach for the Stars---

  Mr. Zero kept his passion moving, "The first group of racers have finally entered the fourth sector of the Grand Prix: Outer Space!"
  Shooting stars lit up the night in all directions. The feeling of near-weightlessness gave all of the pilots a dreamlike sensation.
  But then one of the F-ZEROs collided with an asteroid and the explosion sent all of the surrounding cars spinning through the air, and everyone was reminded they were in life threatening danger. It was utter pandemonium in space as the pilots attempted to safely navigate the asteroid belt without hitting any rocks.
  "Look!" Shy Guy shouted, "The Great Fox has made the scene! Now that it has left the winding tower and has reached space, it can fly just like it normally does! It's so big that other F-ZEROs are able to shield themselves from asteroids by hiding behind the large mothership!"
  Suddenly, from within the launch bay of the Great Fox, two Arwing ships emerged. "Whoa, talk about unexpected!" Mr. Zero cried out, "Fox McCloud and Falco Lombardi have come back with a vengeance! We thought they were down and out, but they must have secretly stowed away within the Great Fox."
  "How ingenious!" Shy Guy complimented, "The Great Fox was the last place anyone would have thought to have looked for those two!"

  ---(Music End)---

  "It's a sad day for racing when there were rumors of a damn Star Fox Grand Prix game before talk of a new F-ZERO sequel," Bullet Bill snarked.

  ---Music: No Matter What---

  Shy Guy's mood soured a bit. "Bill, you keep trash talking other racing games. It's one thing to be upset at F-ZERO being stagnant, but why do you have to take swings at other games that other people enjoy? Is it not enough that the series lives on in spirit because of tributes through Smash Bros. and Mario Kart?" Shy Guy earnestly asked.
  Bill shook his head adamantly. "You call them tributes, I call them salt in the wound. I don't need constant reminders that F-ZERO was once a great series! I don't want some sort of condescending validation solely to remind me that Nintendo is clearly aware of the popularity of the F-ZERO franchise! 'Hey, remember that game you loved? Here, have a stupid go-kart shaped like the Blue Falcon! That's consolation, right?'!"
  "To be fair to Nintendo, they aren't just low-effort easter eggs or anything of the like. We got full-on tracks, awesome musical remixes..."
  "It just isn't the same, man! Maybe *you're* ok with tiny littles nods here and there, but can you even imagine how painful that is to see over and over again every few years? Constant, stinging reminders that the thing you loved has already had its glory days, and is long gone. F-ZERO is one of the dearest series to my heart. F-ZERO meant something more to some of us!"
  "Can you stop being so pretentious for two seconds? You aren't the only fan here. You're just the only one throwing a baby fit about it!"
  "Way to keep things classy. Jerk," Bill spoke, standoffishly.
  "I just don't see the big issue. If F-ZERO never gets a sequel, it would suck, but is it really the end of the world if games just move on in different directions?"
  "Leaving F-ZERO behind would be like leaving a dear friend behind. I can't do that, Frank."
  "It's... just a video game, Bill."
  "...!!!!"
  "Bill, I... I didn't mean that. I'm sorry," Shy Guy apologized, but it came off as insincere as he was still rather heated.
  Bill had by this point stopped paying much attention to the race. He instead rested his elbow against the table and leaned into his arm, staring distantly to the side.
  Shy Guy huffed, still flustered, adjusted himself in his seat, and the two were quiet for a time.

  ---Music: Stalin Loves Disco---

  Capitalizing on the panic, Don Genie snapped his finger, signaling to his partner that it was time to unleash one of their many secret weapons. Wariod pulled a lever and opened up a compartment on the back of the Fat Shark, which left an impressively large cloud of bees, all wearing tiny astronaut helmets to survive in space. They began to seek out nearby cars to buzz all around the cockpits and blind the drivers, causing even more mayhem.
  Shy Guy tried to make sense of what he was seeing so as to best relay a description to the audience back at the stadium. "Mother of God! One of the racers unleashed a bunch of bees into the air, and they are aggressively attacking any vehicle that comes close! Just what is going on out there?!"
  Pajama Sam was the first to succumb to the foul tactic, as he was defenseless against the insectoid threat. The bees tied up Putt-Putt with ropes and abducted him, taking him to the moon.
  Doc Louis, still pedaling his bike, bore witness to the kidnapping. "Whoa. That poor sucker is gonna wish he went to the zoo instead. But, check it out, Mac baby! He dropped your gloves, finally!"
  Mac had no real issue jogging behind his coach, kept safe from space by his pink hoodie. He happily slipped his boxing gloves back on and shot his fist into the air in celebration.
  "Keep your eyes open, Captain," Raiden communicated to his partner, while still surfing atop the Initial D car, "Genie stopped playing fair a long time ago. Let's try and avoid this next trap."
  Captain Falcon scanned his eyes rapidly to try and locate where the actual track resumed. He could see it, though it was faint and in the far distance. His destination was none other than the Twinkle Circuit section of Twinkle Park from Sonic Adventure. "If we can touch back down onto the track, we should regain the advantage. Whatever we do, we have to make it across this stretch of open space safely."
  The Gummi Clown Car was the next victim of the bees. They were overwhelmed by the bugs and spiraled out of control. As the car impacted against the side of a space rock, the camera zoomed in while slow motion took effect. Xemnas shouted out in pain as if he had just been defeated in a boss battle, and a large flash of light enveloped the screen. The process repeated twelve more times in quick succession as all thirteen members were knocked out of the race.
  "Uh oh, Mac," Doc Louis cautioned, "Just because we're floatin' like butterflies don't mean we need to get stung by bees! Watch out for those stingers, they aren't the kind you wanna stick around after the credits to see! So how 'bout it? You ready to beat the piss out of some space bees, Mac baby?"
  Mac put on an expression of stern determination and he thumped his gloves together twice. He ran right into the fray as a boxing bell rang a few times, starting the match. Little Mac went in swinging and immediately carved a path through dozens of them, straight into the center of the swarm where he was free to go wild with punches in all directions. "Haha, yeah! Hit em', Mac baby! Make those 'bee's wish they had been 'not to be's!"
  Little Mac silently chuckled a bit. He was a very well educated man and had a soft spot for high literature. Doc Louis shot him a thumbs up. "I knew you'd like a little Shakespeare humor. What's your favorite stage play, Mac? Mine's chocolate."
  Mr. Zero nearly leapt from his seat from the excitement! "Whoa... this is absolutely incredible! So many pilots were struggling against this honeycomb hailstorm, but Little Mac is singlehandedly addressing the entire swarm of bees! The other racers are clear to pass!"
  Shy Guy nodded, "The racers are nearing the end of the deep space clearing. When they land back down on solid track, the next part of the Outer Space segment of the race will consist of loop-de-loops, steep falls, long jumps, and a few more surprises before reaching the fifth and final location of the Grand Prix!"
  "The real race is going to kick in once more, and it looks like things are already heating up!" Mr. Zero added with vigor, "Be sure and stay tuned, as the final stretch of this historic race is sure to be the most thrilling and pulse-pounding event you'll ever witness!"

  ---(Music End)---

  *To Be Continued...*