LemonGrab

An image of LemonGrab

**LemonGrab** is the earl of the Planet of LemonGrab, a planet sized earldom within the Cosmic Alliance.LemonGrab himself is known for being incredibly unstable and violent, and the fact he was even allowed to enter the Cosmic Alliance was a matter of significant controversy and led to allegations of corruption and bribery within the Alliance's upper halls.

How LemonGrab came to control the planet he named after himself no one really knows.Even the origins of the Lemon People are shrouded in mystery, as there is no paleo or archeological evidence for their natural evolution on the planet.It was almost as if they were placed there by some other being.

## Personality

LemonGrab is a highly unstable and evil man.Allegations of political torture and repression, surveillance and extra-judicial murder are so common they are a notorious punchline within the Cosmic Alliance, always referring to the "rotten lemons" of the Alliance.He at least lacks a penis, making him incapable of rape (his nose is very phallic shaped however, meaning he could use it for such purposes, but there isn't any evidence of that thank God) .Ritualistic suicide was also put into Lemon culture at his insistence.

While in name the planet is a bizarre combination of monarchy and communism dubbed "Lemon Socialism" in practice it is an absolute monarchy headed exclusively by LemonGrab, with no constitution or any other possible check on his power to speak of.He rules as if he was a god(Though he was a proclaimed Atheist, which is odd considering the God Anubis had an entire planet that was a member of the Cosmic Alliance). All legal and goverment bodies swear their undying loyalty and oaths to LemonGrab as a person and to the salvation of the Lemon People, who are viewed as the Master Race by LemonGrab.

It is well documented that slaves within the Earl's household rarely survive more than a year within his service, as he has a habit of beating slaves to death or permanent injury, where they are then mulched and used to grow exotic spices in the Earl's greenhouses (fertilizer is very rare and state controlled on LemonGrab). He enjoys repetitive songs performed acapella by small slaves he calls "Gnome Bitches", and they must perform the tunes for as long as the Earl requires.The longest requested performance was over 6 days long, when the poor slave finally collapsed and had all of his arteries painfully torn out like strings for his failure.

He also enjoys decadent meals prepared by the highest level chefs on the planet (or any planet, as LemonGrab was often rumored to kidnap high level servers from other worlds, though this was never definitely proven.)His favorite ingredient was of course Lemon Person, as you probably guessed.The bastard wasn't even creative in his sadism.He had over 500 recipes for the preparation of Lemon Person, even one that combined them with the Orange People, his sworn racial rivals.

## LemonGrab Weapons of Mass Destruction

It is known that Lemongrab possesses multiple weapons of mass destruction, including many space-ready nuclear war heads and Greasy Spot chemical weapons targeted at the Orange People.It is theorized multiple epidemics of Greasy Spot disease among the Orange People was directly LemonGrab's doing.The development of the weapons was heavily pushed for by LemonGrab, as he desired the ability to scorch-Earth the planet and launch retaliatory attacks on anyone who attempted to end his rule.

The Cosmic Alliance had numerous treaties and bans on weapons of this kind that were expected to be enforced upon any nation that joined, but like Xerxes LemonGrab was able to bribe or coerce his way into not giving up his weapons and even expanding his arsenal after induction into the Alliance.This is not even mentioning the Alliance ban on slavery, which LemonGrab also ignored extensively.

## Alliance with the Newtzis

Though both parties were essentially their species versions of Nazis LemonGrab and the Newtzis were known collaborators throughout the years preceding the Intergalactic Jilm War, sharing nuclear and biological secrets with each other all while disregarding numerous Alliance laws.

## Relationship with the Cosmic Alliance

LemonGrab's relationship with the Cosmic Alliance was always bizarre.For decades after he initially took power the planet of LemonGrab was embargoed by the entire Alliance, which caused economic collapse and devastation to the planet.Things as simple as fertilizer and spices became commodities as the largely space export reliant economy failed to withstand the shock of the sudden embargo.LemonGrab took this as an opportunity however.It eventually became one of his strategies of keeping loyalty among the population:make LemonGrab happy and your farms could get fertilizer and your family would be assured access to food or alcohol.Combined with systemic campaigns to report anyone deemed an "Orange Conspirator" and the population of LemonGrab became thoroughly brainwashed, to the point most could no longer even consider a world without LemonGrab's rule.It didn't help that the mortality rates were often so high most people were too young to even remember a time before him.

Obviously the Alliance's sole reported purpose was to stop this sort of shit, but the embargo eventually proved only to further entrench Lemongrab.The situation deteriorated when he began to sell space heroin, which is over 8000 times stronger than Earth heroin and incredibly valuable on the black market.With this commodity he suddenly had leverage over many of the Alliances senators, as most could either be bought or have their addictions used against them.Now you may be wondering: why would LemonGrab even want to join the Alliance when the embargo was so useful for him?Well, essentially he realized he could continue to control the flow of goods into the planet while simultaneously having a much easier time selling his drugs and slaves.With his bribes and coercion he managed to just barely get a passing vote on joining the Cosmic Alliance as a delegate-observing planet on track to full membership, though the vote was incredibly close with only a margin of 4.

This decision was met with uproars of controversy within the public, as LemonGrab was widely known as a monster.Calls were put out to not only kick him out of the Alliance but to also invade the planet and depose him once and for all.This campaign failed, as not only did the Alliance still not have a military at this point but the process of removing a planet had never been introduced into the Alliance before, and the process and precedence of writing such an amendment was not popular within the Alliance's government.Space Prime Justice Trump was the only high ranking government figure to join in the backlash, along with a few minor senators.With that LemonGrab continued its membership, even eventually achieving full statehood in 2014.