Guitar Hero Incident

The **Guitar Hero** incident was an act of terrorism that occurred on 1 May 2011 in which the United States Federal Government was infiltrated and hacked by by Italian-American Vandevon Tortillini. Tortillini proceeded to broadcast himself screaming in Italian, English, and Latin, threatening to "explode the White House" if then-President Joe Biden failed to beat him in a Guitar Hero duel. Tortillini, dressed in nothing but his underwear, then proceeded to full-combo DragonForce's *Through the Fire and Flames* while also eating a pistol magazine filled with live ammunition. The live broadcast lasted for approximately thirty-two minutes and was displayed on mobile phone emergency alerts, hijacked news broadcasts, and the large electronic screens in Times Square, New York. Tortillini would go on to claim during his official trial that he was possessed by Satanic spirits at the time of the incident.

## Hysteria and Accused Innocents

   Half an hour after the incident occurred, there was a wide range of speculation within media and on the internet as to who the perpetrator was. Tortillini had not been previously of any prominence and was later discovered to have had no friends or family within the United States, and only one relative was discovered living in Tortillini's place of origin, Italy. In an attempt to compete with other broadcasts, many news stations aired live "analysis" where they confidently accused innocent and unrelated citizens of performing the act. This led to the popular British actor Russel Brand being tarred and feathered while on holiday in Scotland, as well as repeated attacks on avid Guitar Hero players before escelating to all Guitar Hero players and even some normal guitarists. Two days into the widespread hysteria, an FBI report was released pleading people to not tar and feather suspected Guitar Heroes.

## Court Trial

### Proceedings

During his trial, Tortillini insisted he was pleading "Luciferian possession" despite being repeatedly informed that this was not a proper legal plea. Throughout his case, Tortillini repeatedly begged the jury to understand that his actions were performed "under the influence of the Dark Prince and his evil minions", which he claimed had been haunting his spirit ever since he missed the third to last note on an otherwise perfect run of *Angel of Death* by Slayer. The court was adjourned on two different occasions: first in which Tortillini arrived at court wearing nothing but his undergarments, in which the judge ordered him to return properly dressed, and second where Tortillini began to foam from the mouth and chant in tongues before launching his shoe at the court stenographer, after which he was charged with contempt of court.

### Ruling

On May 27, 2011, Vandevon Tortillini was found guilty of thirty-six counts of hacking and two counts of conspiracy against the government and its people. Many who were already shocked at Judge Hershel Moore's declination of an insanity plea were outraged when Tortillini was sentenced to seventeen hundred and fifty-six years' hard labor in an Alaskan salt mine with no chance of parole. Tortillini attempted to appeal on the basis of conflict of interest after Judge Moore was caught outside his Tennessee estate in a cloak and goat skull, but his plea was rejected. Tortillini currently resides in St. Anne's Rehabilitative Labor Camp in northern Alaska.