Jesus Christ

**Jesus Christ** is an Israeli professional footballer who plays as a forward for oh dear. He is the only player to have appeared in every season since its creation. He has been a mainstay in the team, often playing at striker but also deputising as a winger if needs be. Over the years of playing with each other, Jesus and Big Man had developed a telepathic link, knowing each other inside out and ripping opposition defences apart like a hot knife through butter. Jesus' mother, Mary Batjoachim, has also signed and played for oh dear. Jesus has become famous for his blonde straw hair and is almost unrecognisable without it.

## Early Life

This Jesus is different to the one we all know. He was born in a stable in Israel. When the three wise men gave him 3 gifts. A football, pair of boots, and a pink kit which Jesus loved and wore throughout his childhood. Both of his parents were footballers. This influenced his life a lot. In Sunday league he'd bag hattricks with ease. Barcelona and other top clubs spotted his talent and spoke with Mary. When asked if he'd like a trial Jesus said that he'd rather just stay at home for a while before making a decision on his future. He made the decision to stay at home and continue playing in Israel. While Jesus was playing a tournament abroad. He came up with the idea of making a club along side a few of his friends that had the same idea as him. That club is known as oh dear and the rest is history.

## oh dear

### Founding oh dear

20 year old Jesus had a dream of starting his own club, so after a chance meeting with Congolese billionaire Big Man, who was twice his age, they decided to band together to form the club

### Records

In December of 2021, Jesus Christ broke the record for the most games in a row scored in which ended at 16 matches.

In January of 2024, Jesus Christ recorded a record breaking 7 assists in a singular game. The game saw oh dear win 9-2 in which Jesus scored two and assisted the other 7 goals. 5 of these assists were to Big Man's clone.

## Non-Playing Career

In November of 2021, Jesus joined the oh dear dodgeball team with Bald Martin and had planned to recruit more people. However in August 2022, Jesus left the project as he couldn’t see it going anywhere in the future.

## Personal Life

Jesus Christ's net worth is currently unknown, but it is estimated to be roughly $23 septillion (or 27,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000). He is sponsored by the Christian Faith (Catholic Church, Orthodox Church and Protestant Church), God and has a multi-deal with Nike, but only wears them as he does not want to endorse products or companies.

### Return to Bethlehem

In 2022 Jesus was forced to return to his family's farm in Bethlehem to take care of it as it is mandatory for at least one of the family to be on the farm at all times and that responsibility is rotated between the family members so they each have turns on the farm. This meant that Jesus was unable to play for oh dear for an extended period of time which meant Mary Batjoachim was forced to step in and replace the star man

### Legal Issues

In March of 2023 following the resignation of oh dear manager PowerPoint, multiple candidates were selected by the club including famous coaches and former oh dear players, but when the final decision came to Jesus he chose Clopas Barjacob who showed up 15 minutes late to the interview and is also his uncle. Jesus was suspended from oh dear action which led to Mary Batjoachim to be put into the team. In September 2023, after a long investigation Jesus was dropped of all charges and was allowed to play for oh dear again.

### Death of Big Man

When Jesus heard the news about Big Man's assassination he was distraught. His best friend and co-founder of the club dead just like that. During the minute silence for Big Man's death, Jesus had tears flooding down his eyes. During the game Jesus found himself on the score sheet. He ran over to the closest camera and lifted up his shirt which revealed a message which read 'Justice for Big Man RIP' This celebration caused more people around the world to fall in love with Jesus. At full time Jesus gave a speech saying 'Where do I begin with Big Man. He was a one of a kind player but more importantly he was a gentleman. You need to ignore all these rumours in the newspaper I knew him more then anyone of them who write them stories. I know how much pain he has gone through in his personal life and how much he has sacrificed for me and this football club and he deserves justice. I will make sure we as a community get justice for him because it's what he'd want. Which is why I'm happy to announce any sales we make this month will go to helping the investigation on how he died. I wish his family all the best and hope to see you all at the next game.'