Space Package

Mee, an alleged high school acquaintance of Space Tree, entrusts ST with a special package and then disappears. When ST won't let him open the package, The Commander holds a grudge against Space Tree for a while.

## Transcript

*(roll opening credits)*

*(cut to Space Tree wearing sunglasses watching a tree hugger on TV)*

**SPACE TREE:** Oh, yeah. Heh. This is a good show...

*(the TV goes out)*

**SPACE TREE:** Oh, what the hell?!

*(Mee's portal opens and he walks through)*

**MEE:** Space Tree, my man!

**SPACE TREE:** Whoa, what? *(Stands up, glasses fall off)*Uh, I was just watchin' TV here...

**MEE:** Look, man, I need you to do a *huge* favor for me, brother. I need you to hold this package for me. Just while my cousin is on... a business...

**SPACE TREE:** ... Who the hell are you?

**MEE:** Who the- Who the hell am *I*? (tosses Package away) What the- Who are *you*, man? Who the hell are you?

*(Commander enters)*

**COMMANDER:** Yeah, who the hell are you?

**SPACE TREE:** Well, uh, I'm Space Tree, and... you both know that, right? And how long have *you* been here?

**COMMANDER:** I just got here. Who's this guy?

**MEE:** Come on, man. It's *Mee*? From *high school*? Ch. Come on!

**COMMANDER:** High school? Yeah, like they're gonna let a big tree into a classroom with a bunch of kids. Come on, he's a frigging fire hazard!

**MEE:** hey, look, man. I- I don't need this, you know? Uh, you see this gold medallion?

**COMMANDER:** Yeah, it's pretty cool.

**MEE:** Well, I won this... at the... champion...ship-

*(he takes it off and tosses it at the Commander's face; in the commotion, he escapes through one of his portals)*

**COMMANDER:** OW! \*\*\*\*ing fascist! Ow, right in the x-ray eye!

**SPACE TREE:** Yeah, he's already gone.

(cut to the Commander, lying on the floor, with a wounded left eye)

**COMMANDER:** I know that, I do have one functioning eye left, unlike some people here. (stands up holding the Package) So anyway let's open this Package.

(Space tree grabs it)

**SPACE TREE:** No now wait a minute. This Package is my responsibility, here, and I will guard it with my life.

**COMMANDER:** Well then I have no choice (Background turn red, the Commander holds a knife) but to kill you!

**SPACE TREE:** No, don't!

(Background returns to blue)

**COMMANDER:** Eh, just kidding. Jeez, this knife is to open the Package. Come on man, gimme it.

**SPACE TREE:** No Commander. It was given to my in confidence by my... good friend from... high school. And I don't wanna break this sacred trust of...

**COMMANDER:** (interrupting) Whatever, whatever. What ever. Like I even care about your stupid crap anyway. I've got better things to do, I'm like a Commander ... of a Spaceship, right? So what am I even doing here, I got...

**SPACE TREE:** Yeah, what are you doing here?

**COMMANDER:** Eh, that's what I'm saying. I'm a busy man. I've got a real busy schedule ... schedule ... *(The second schedule is the British pronunciation, and his pupil leaves his eye)* Goddammit, if you don't open that goddamn Package, then I'm gonna hold a grudge against you until the day I die. And i will never speak to you again. How do you like that?

**SPACE TREE:** Yeah I'd like to see you try. You'll cave in after a few hours. (exits)

**COMMANDER:** Oh Yeah? Yeah? Is that what you think, yeah? Well, we shall see my friend. I think, In fact, you will be the one who will be doing the caving in,*(Mucus runs out of his injured eye)* because the grudge is now holding. Prepare for total silence, starting, now.

**SPACE TREE:** (offscreen) OK...

**SCENE TRANSITION: 25 YEARS LATER!**

*42 years old commander is drinking a beer.*

**COMMANDER:** Yup, you know sometimes I kind of regret holding a grudge for so much time. In fact, sometimes I think the whole situation is just kind of \*\*\*\*ing retarded. But then I think to myself, 'Hey, screw him'. You know what? *(Drops Beer)* I don't even care what's in that package anymore. *(Starting to cry)* I don't even care at all.

**LAMP:** Can we please just leave now?

**COMMANDER:** *(Angry)* You shut up! I'm getting real sick of you trying to boss me around, bitch. Bi... \*sigh\*, I'm-I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to snap at you like that, I just really want to see what's in that stupid friggin' package. What if its like, some dude's soul? That'd be cool, I mean, if only I didn't have this official grudge in place...

**MEE:** *(Enters as a silhouette) Well maybe I can be of service.*

**COMMANDER:** \*Gasps\* You!

**MEE:** Mee.

**COMMANDER:** Yeah, whatever. What do you want?

**MEE:** Well I think that I may be able to help you out. In exchange for that medallion you're wearing.

**COMMANDER:** Well I'm listening...

**MEE:** You have 2 options, Commander. Option A: I tell you what's in the package.

**COMMANDER:** I CHOOSE OPTION A!

**MEE:** Wait a second, wait. Option B: you go back in time and prevent this 25 year grudge from even happening.

**COMMANDER:** What, so I can talk to that guy again? I don't care that much. Option A, man!

**MEE:** Oh really. Well, lets take a look at what your life COULD have been like, without this grudge of silence.*(Opens a small portal)*

**Young Commander with moustache wearing rainbow shirt in the portal:** Hey everyone, I got a moustache! *(Audience laughs, then portal disappears)*

**COMMANDER:** What, that's it? Yeah, I dunno man, I kind of look gay with that moustache.

**MEE:** Well, that's true and you shaved it off the next day.

**COMMANDER:** Really?? Wow, you sold me. I must go back in time! And, uh, can I take this baseball bat with me? I think I might wanna, y'know, hit some baseballs in the past.

**MEE:**I don't care.

**SCENE TRANSITION: !REILRAE SRAEY 52**

**17 Years Old Commander:** Is that what you think, yeah? Well, we shall see my friend. I think in fact you are the one who will be doing the HUAGH! *(A portal opens off-screen and 42 Years Old Commander comes up behind him and cracks him on the head with the bat.)*

**42 Years Old Commander:** Hey Space Tree wait up.

**Space Tree:** Oh, so I guess the grudge is over then, is it? Heh, I knew you wouldn't be able to- OWWW!! *(42 Years Old Commander strikes Space Tree on his left branch, breaking it in 2 and causing ST to bleed and drop the package.)* Son of a bitch!

**COMMANDER:** Yes! The package and its contents are finally mine! *(Holds the package with one arm, holds up 2 other arms)* Now lets see what inside... *(Cuts open package with 4th arm, it opens)* Wow. It's exactly what I thought it would be. Wait a second no it isn't-WHU! (A brown arm comes from the package and hits him in the face.)

## Fun Facts

* The text on the package says "lol"
* First appearance of Mee Marone.

## References

* The Commander yelling "Ow! F\*\*\*ing fascist!" when Mee throws the medallion at his eye is a reference to a scene in The Big Lebowski. The Dude yells the same line when the Malibu Police Chief throws a coffee mug at his head.