Ann "The Librarian" Withers

No library is safe.

## Transcript

Stephen: I hate this library.
Matt: Say what you will about the smell and the service, they have the best selection in the state.
Stephen: Let's get your book and let's get out of here.

Whitney: Need help finding you books?
Matt: Yes, do you work here?
Whitney: Yes, I'm Ann Withers.
Matt: Enn?
Whitney: Ann.
Stephen: Anne?
Whitney: Ann!
Matt: Ann?
Whitney: Ann! Ann! Ann!
Matt: Oh, Ann.
Whitney: Yes, Ann.

Matt: Yes, well, I just need to find a book to write a report on.
Whitney: Books... must get your heart racing just thinking about it.
Matt: What?
Whitney: It's like finding a new friend... or more.

Stephen: I'm going to go.
Matt: What? You can't go, you're my ride.
Stephen: Was your ride. Was.

Whitney: Boo. What are you looking for?
Matt: Actually, I'm not really sure.
Whitney: Hmm. Classics.
Matt: What about this book over here?
Whitney: Oh, yes.
Matt: Oh my.
Whitney: *The House of Seven Gables.* Yes. Your taste in literature is... exquisite. Have you read *Dante's Inferno*?
Matt: No.
Whitney: Hmm.
Matt: Okay.

Whitney: You know, Matthew. This library is a *Secret Garden* for all who enter.
Matt: I see what you did there. That's clever.
Whitney: But for anybody experiencing *Pride and Prejudice*, you might find happiness with *Little Women*.
Matt: Actually, I'm not really into romance novels.
Whitney: Hmm, so you have a *Heart of Darkness*?
Matt: I wouldn't say that! Or at least not the way you said it.
Whitney: Perhaps you could be won over with some *Persuasion*.
Matt: I don't think so.
Whitney: Hmm, well, aren't you a little *Fox in Socks*.
Matt: You know what? I think I'm fine just browsing on my own.
Whitney: Oh, sure. You wouldn't like me to *Carrie* anything for you?
Matt: No, thank you, I'm fine.
Whitney: Well, I'll be over there, so just twiddle your fingers if you need me.

Matt: Ah, I need to get a Kindle.
Whitney: *As You Like It*!
Matt: Ah! What?
Whitney: Shh. No need to get *Faust*y with me.
Matt: What are you doing? You can't pop out of nowhere like that!
Whitney: Of course! I was lacking *Sense and Sensibility*.
Matt: Okay, you know what? How about this book right here?
Whitney: Hmm, yes. Rather frightful, but you know, you shouldn't judge a book by its cover.
Matt: Ugh. Okay, listen, Ann.
Whitney: Ann!
Matt: I think I'm all settled here.
Whitney: You know I've noticed you often, strolling the idles of the poetry section.
Matt: So?
Whitney: I could swatch you as a poet. Who wrote that one poem, what was it. *Tenderly my arms intrigued you as we glide on winds of time...* Me! Me! Yes, I wrote that. For you. Right now.
Matt: Okay... thank you, Ann.
Whitney: Ann!
Matt: But I've got the book that I need, so I'll just go home and read *Call of the Wild*.
Whitney: Hmm.
Matt: Okay.

Matt: Thank you, Ann.
Whitney: It is Ann.
Matt: I really should be going.
Whitney: Well, I look forward to your return to the world of knowledge.
Matt: Oh, that's very good.
Whitney: Read *Dante's Inferno*...

## Trivia

* This sketch was uploaded on the day the episode aired on BYUtv.
* This is the first sketch with recurring character Ann Withers.
* This is the worst-rated sketch of Studio C since the Season 1 Episode 4 sketch Stage Directions.