History of the Island of Sodor

## 2nd Century BC

The island was discovered by Roman soldiers who got lost and ended up there instead of mainland England. They decided to build a settlement on the island. One of the Romans, Hatticus, built a network of paths across the island for horses and chariots. The horses were called Thomicus, Edwardicus, Henricus, Gordonicus, Jamicus, Pericus, Tobicus, Ducius, Donicus and Douglicus. Large stone tablets have been found on the island, depicting the adventures of these horses and Hatticus. They were said to be carved by local troublemakers Samicus, Chazicus and Jticus (pronounced JT-icus). An army known as the Hitticus Army invaded four years later, cleaved the tablets in twain and threw Samicus, Chazicus and Jticus in prison, however, less than a month later, the trio escaped from prison and recarved the tablets, hiding them in a place where the Hitticus Army would never find them. They were found in a cave in 2008 by The Fat Controller and Gerald Butlerman, who had sneaked off for a crafty snog while working on the railway.

### Extracts of the tablets

* Equus cognomen fecit Gordonicus cursu in fossam, et progenies loci illudere. (Translation: The horse known as Gordonicus did gallop into a ditch, and the local children did mock him.)
* Equus et asinus Thomicus fecit gens Berticus videre fuit celerrimus. (Translation: The horse Thomicus and an ass Berticus did race to see who was the fastest.)
* Et et Bennicus Billicus ambo semine horrere maculam in via. (Translation: And Billicus and Bennicus were both horrified by the semen stain in their path.)
* "Tu es molestus stupri ", clamavit Donaldicus. "Volo committat actum sodomitico super vos". (Translation: "You are a fucking nuisance" shouted Donaldicus. "I want to commit an act of sodomy upon you.")
* Ecce quod feceris prandium nostrum! Nunc non plura coquere! (Translation: Look what you've done to our breakfast! Now I shall have to cook some more!)
* Infirmus...Debiles?!? (Translation: Feeble...FEEBLE?!?)

## 2nd Century BC to 11th Century AD

Between 140AD until 1000AD, the island was invaded and conquered by many different groups of people, including the Vikings, the Egyptians, the Mayans and the Knights Who Say Ni. These groups eventually decided to share the island using a rota system. The Egyptians would have the island on Mondays and Wednesdays, the Mayans on Tuesday and Thursday and the Knights Who Say Ni on Friday and Saturday. Sundays were shared alternatively on a three-week system. This system became frustrating for all involved, and so a massive war broke out. Unfortunately, no-one won the war because by the time it was over, everyone had been killed. The island was inherited by shrubbery until the 14th century.

## 14th Century

The island was discovered by Edmund Blackadder in the 1300s, who settled there with his companions Baldrick and Percy. Edmund was the island's king up until 1308 when Brian Blessed invaded and took the throne from him. His deep booming voice echoed around the island for forty years before his reign was brought to an end by a nasty bout of laryngitis. Shortly after, Baldrick took the throne but everyone on the island was promptly struck down by the Black Death.

## 16th Century

It wasn't until 1504 when Christopher Columbus discovered the island. He stepped on the ground, deemed the island to be his own and promptly pissed upon it to mark his territory. Over the next two years, he began shipping people over to it in an attempt to create a civilized society on the island. He declared himself King of the Island of Sodor before dying in 1506. His corpse was then devoured by pigeons, who took the throne. The reign of King Pigeon I was deemed to be a golden era for the island, marking the beginning of the Age of Breadcrumbs, among other things. The island thrived during the reign, which was cut short when, four days later, King Pigeon I shat himself and died. His successor, King Pigeon II, was a cruel and ruthless ruler, demanding that all enemies of pigeonkind were eliminated, including no less than seven owls and fourteen hawks. King Pigeon II was assassinated by an earthworm seven days later, bringing an end to the dark era of King Pigeon II.

## 17th Century

On 24 March 1603, Queen Elizabeth I of England visited the Island of Sodor, promptly dying after setting foot on the island. To avenge the mysterious death of the queen, a gypsy visited the island and laid a curse upon it so that the island could only be accessed on February 29th of any given leap year, however while placing the curse, she herself got stuck on the island and died before the next leap year came round.

## 18th Century

In 1752, when Britain changed their calendar system from the Julian calendar to the Gregorian calendar, the Island of Sodor instead changed their calendar to the Sodorian calendar.

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Shortly after this change, on 94 Palumbusary 1774, there was an uprising of anti-pigeon rebels who demanded they change back to the old calendar. A compromise was reached, and The Old Calendar was introduced, and was used right up until Madlyolderary 18250th 1888.

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## 19th Century

### 1888

It wasn't until Madlyolderary 18250th 1888 that the Hatt family were sailing in their private boat and stumbled across the island. Mr. Hatt was an exceedingly wealthy man, and ordered the construction of an entire steam train railway on the island, also deciding to reinstate the Gregorian calendar, however he had lost his place in the calendar due to the overly-confusing Old Calendar and for a while had to reset the calendar to the year 0. Luckily, the situation was rectified, and by the time 1889 came round, the calendar was back in sync with everywhere else.

### 1892

The Fat Controller pays £47 and 12 shillings for a collection of old steam engines that were heading for the scrapheap. The engines were renovated crudely by The Fat Controller and given names. They were called Charles, Albert, Raymond, Leonard, Walter, Frank, Stanley, Cuthbert and Dave.

## 20th Century

### 1939-1940

History will tell you that Switzerland was completely neutral during World War II. This is false, however, because in September 1939, right at the start of World War II, the Swiss president received a telephone call from The Fat Controller, who had been trying to contact a local tavern for a childish prank call, but had accidentally been connected to the Switzerland. The Fat Controller released a barrage of insults, including many words now banned by Sodorian law. Switzerland immediately declared war on the Island of Sodor, and on February 29, 1940, the Swiss army invaded the island, in a conflict that would later be known as the Swiss-Sodorian War. The outcome of the war was that The Fat Controller's precious railway was destroyed, and had to be rebuilt from scratch. All of the engines were drafted for war by The Fat Controller, but all died as they did not know how to use guns.

### 1948

In 1948, the first replacement trains arrived (Thomas, Edward, Henry, Gordon and James), with new engines being added every four years.

### 1971

 File:Decimalday.jpg
On 15 February 1971, a resident of the Island of Sodor, Arthur Slugworth, opened the first National Bank of Sodor. Up until then, the Island of Sodor had been using British pounds and Swiss francs, however Slugworth introduced a new currency to the island, These. The new currency was introduced in one day, with all old currency deemed worthless that same day.

Later on in the year, on 1 October 1971, local chocolatier Willy Wonka opened his factory to five lucky children and their parents. All five of the children were killed in increasingly bizarre ways, as was Wonka himself. The deaths were cunningly disguised as accidents and the fifth child, Charlie Bucket, willingly stepped into Wonka's glass elevator, which exploded in the air minutes later, killing Wonka, Charlie Bucket and his grandpa, Grandpa Joe.

### 1985

In 1985, Spottiswood and Company, a major manufacturing company specialising in a wide variety of products, seeked to move their operations to the Island of Sodor. The Spottiswood Factory was opened on 1 April 1985. Many people thought this to be an April Fools joke, however it wasn't. The factory provided eleven new jobs to the island. After many changes in regime at the factory, it was closed down, however the artificially intelligent computer that the factory used was still powered on. After many complaints from the community, the computer was switched off. Many months later, the computer rose from the ground and went on a rampage across the island. The computer was eventually subdued by the army and local police force of Sodor.

### 1994

In 1994, two men were killed when their caravan exploded due to a miscalculation by the crew working on the pilot episode of 'Brianiac: Science Abuse'. The show would take a further nine years to be commissioned by Sky One. The men, later identified as Paul and Barry Chuckle, had been working on inventing a new genre of music, called 'Rubbish music'. One cassette of 'rubbish music' survived the explosion, and the song became a massive hit on Sodor, charting number 1 in the Sodor charts (due to it being the only song in the charts at the time). Elsewhere in the world, 'rubbish music' never really took off, failing to chart in the UK and the US.

### 1996

In 1996, Roger Beckett, 10¾, discovered a whole kingdom of trolls in a cave on Sodor. Later on in the year, the trolls created their own television station, Lets get a kebab and go to a DISCO television, which was later purchased by the Sodor Broadcasting Company in 2011.

## 21st Century

### 2008

On 29 February 2008, three teenagers (Sam, Chazlar and JT) arrived on the island. They set up camp in one of the sheds, and began conspiring to steal the crown from the King of Sodor, whose name was unknown.

### 2009

On 30 September 2009, Sam, Chazlar and JT broke into the King's house and kidnapped him. Nobody was harmed, however, as it turned out the King of Sodor for the past 400 years had in fact been a blow-up doll. After a quick puncture, Sam became King of Sodor. During his reign, Sam walked around the island everyday with a video camera, filming the adventures of all the engines and people on Sodor. After a month, he had enough footage to release a documentary, which he called Thomas the Wank Engine. He gave video cameras to Chazlar and JT, and together they produced a series of documentaries about the island.

### 2010

On 17 July 2010, the Eleventh Doctor and Amy Pond appeared briefly on the island (see *Once An Engine Attached To A Train...*). He successfully removed the timelock on the island, making it freely accessible to the outside world on all days of the year.

### 2011

On 11 February 2011, while out filming his next documentary, Sam suffered six gunshots fired from an unknown would-be assassin, from which he made a full recovery. Five days later, on 16 February 2011, an attempt was made on his life once again, and he received a further six shots. In a serious condition for many days, Sam worked on many new projects, including a series of documentaries about the trolls inhabiting the caves of Sodor, a documentary about local businessman Matthew Corbett and his four puppet friends and finally a documentary about a local primary school, which had become obsessed with American culture to the point of the pupils and staff using American accents at all times.

On 8 March 2011, Sam returned to making documentaries about the engines and people on the island. It was presumed that the King would be safe now, however on 14 March 2011, Sam was shot twice in another attempt on his life. This was the last straw for Sam, who abdicated the throne on 16 March 2011 and went into hiding. He created a docudrama about the events at Willy Wonka's chocolate factory in 1971, and plans to make more documentaries/docudramas in the future.

The assassin was discovered to be a descendant of one of the soldiers of the Hitticus army. Damian Hitt attempted to assassinate the King three times in the space of a month. He was found guilty of attempted regicide and sentenced to death. The bail is currently set at two billion of these.