(Fanmade) Xlur's Diary

Fanmade!
This is a fanmade page, therefore content on this page is either satirical or theoretical. Enjoy!

*This fanmade page is edited by Jordanmcgill and UnknownMaine.*

Dear Diary,

I want to account all my fabulous orders of self-execution and other victories, so that I may boast to my peers about how many inferiors have self-executed due to my sheer voice. Simply the thought of that makes me immensly pleasured! **[Fart noises]**

## Entry 1 (Jordanmcgill)

A disturbance in my honorable life has been met with righteous anger on my part. The McGill creature has not met a just perming yet. Ignorance is truly his forte. He seems to make strange noises my translator picks up as "snickering" whenever I sigh of disappointment.

## Entry 2 (UnknownMaine and Jordanmcgill)

I, Chief Inspector Xlur, have visited the Dark Worldtoday. What an awful smell those primitive ape humans have! And their respect is so marginal, I should have them all self-execute! And especially the McGill creature, what a horrible fiend. He dared to address me as "Mr. Xlur," and I overheard rumors that the human dared to call me a "fart bag". I don't know what a "fart" is, but I swear to **[fart noises]** I will execute him myself!

## Entry 3 (UnknownMaine and Jordanmcgill)

I had to order Lieutenant Kil'h to self-execute. A shame, he was a good commander, but he scratched my superior back in the wrong spot! It disgusts me to know that creatures can rub somebody's back so wrong, especially a back worth trillions time more than theirs! His wondrous skills in commanding do not make up for horrid back-scratching! There was not much activity for me today. I simply razed a rebellious planet or two. Fortunately, the Core Systems are calling for my return. I can finally catch a break from this horrendous excuse of a frontier.

## Entry 4 (UnknownMaine)

A horrid event occurred earlier today. As I approached the Grand Palace in Trantor, something completely unexpected happened! Imagine my shock when the ugliest of those human apes dared to walk directly in front of me! I demanded his name, which he replied to be "Claver". I then proceeded to order him to self-execute. He drew his sidearm, which immensely pleased me. Yes, I was extremely pleased in the highest levels of pleased. But he took aim at me and fired! Thankfully, I was revived by Specialist Roac'h. I still told him to self-execute, as he took too long to revive me. If I wasn't so busy here in the Core Systems I would have all of Earth self-execute!

## Entry 5 (UnknownMaine and Jordanmcgill)

Today was a short day. My peers and I boasted our self-execution rates, and we all had a wonderous laugh! We were extremely pleasured and pleased with these results. The entire room was full of **[fart noises]**.

## Entry 6 (UnknownMaine)

What a disappointing event! I investigated the humans' actions and revealed they had undone everything our diplomatic corps. had made with the cephalopod race! I ordered the McGill, the Turov, the Graves, and one other insignificant other creatures to self-execute. And self-execute they did! I was so immensly pleasured and pleased, but my memory goes blank. A while later I find myself being revived on Trantor.

I thanked Specialist Far't but had him self-execute since he dared to ask me, "Are you ok, Chief Inspector?". That immense pleasure pleased me, even though I suspect one of those humans shot me while I was enjoying the pleasure of watching them execute themselves.