Lost THX Tex Trailer: A Laika Boxset

Warning: The following story contains graphic violence that might not be suitable for children. Viewer discretion is advised.

Tex was in my house, soon after I watched the Classic Disney THX trailer. I thought he was a fictional character. But nope! He was here, in my house.

"Tex?!" I said in shock. "What are you doing here?! I thought that you were a cartoon!"

"Nope. I'm real," said Tex. "I heard you're a pretty big fan of mine."

"Yeah, I am," I said.

"That's a good thing," said Tex. "That means I won't have to kill you."

"Well, thanks," I said. "But do you know who keeps making these trailers?"

"I do," said Tex. "Over the years, I've made a bunch of monikers for myself, so I could go to multiple animation studios and make these trailers. Adam Kennington, James Witherstone, and more. They didn't release the full story on me because they knew that no one would believe that a robot was breaking into various animation studios, making THX trailers. I have been criticized for far too long by various people, including Toppy. Now, I'm asserting my dominance over all of them. But you. You're one of the people who still love me after all of these years. So, here is a gift from me to you."

Tex gave me a wrapped present and flew away. I opened the present and, sure enough, it was another THX boxset, This time, it was for Laika, and the characters on it included Coraline, Norman, Eggs, The Boxtrolls, Kubo, Beetle, Monkey, Mr. Link, and Sir Lionel Frost. I knew it wouldn't be right to turn down a gift, especially from a psycho robot. So, I put the trailer DVD into my DVD player, then hit "Play" on the menu, like usual. A warning popped up, reading:

"Warning: The following trailer was made to promote Morbius, despite the fact that this film doesn't come out until April 2022. Viewer discretion is advised."

"Here we go again," I said.

The trailer opened with Coraline's house at night. Coraline, Mel, April, and Charlie were all having dinner together. Apparently, it was meant to be a birthday dinner for Coraline.

"Happy birthday, Coraline," said Charlie.

"Thanks, Dad," said Coraline.

At that moment, Tex's demented laughter could be heard. Everyone looked around, terrified.

"Was that the Other Mother?!" said Mel, terrified.

"No," said Coraline. "This is different."

At that moment, Tex popped up in front of everyone, terrifying them. They screamed as they saw Tex.

"Hi there, button gang," said Tex. "I've heard you once went to another world."

"Yes," said Coraline. "Why do you say that?"

"I'm here to bring you to another world that's ten times better than that one," said Tex with an evil grin. "TIME TO GO TO THE OTHER WORLD WITH THE T-MAN!"

At that moment, Tex opened a portal to Hell underneath everyone's feet. They all screamed as they fell through the portal, dying in the explosion.

But the trailer wasn't over yet.

It cut to a shot of the Box Troll lair. Eggs and The Boxtrolls were dancing and having a good time. When all of a sudden, Tex could be seen, holding a flame thrower through the Box Troll hole.

"All I gotta do is burn those weird creatures down to the ground," said Tex.

"Um, guys," said Eggs, looking around after hearing that statement. "Do you get the feeling that we're being watched?"

At that moment, Tex used the flamethrower to burn the Box Troll lair with everyone in it. Everyone screamed as they were burned to a crisp.

But the trailer still wasn't over yet.

It cut to a shot of Japan. Kubo, Monkey, and Beetle were celebrating their successful mission.

"Well, we showed that monster who was boss, didn't we?" said Beetle.

"We sure did," said Monkey.

"Thank you guys for guiding me through," said Kubo. "You are the best parents that I could ever ask.."

At that moment, Kubo was interrupted by Tex dropping down to the ground, holding a can of bug spray, a poisoned banana, and a katana.

"Hi there, Samurai Jack and his pets," said Tex.

"HEY!" said Monkey. "WE ARE NOT PETS! WE ARE KUBO'S PARENTS! ALSO, WE'VE HEARD A LOT ABOUT YOU! YOU MESSED WITH INNOCENT PEOPLE FOR NO REASON! LEAVE NOW OR WE WILL HAVE YOU EXECUTED BY THE JAPANESE EMPEROR HIMSELF!"

"Not gonna happen, Banana lover," said Tex. "NOW TIME TO DO SOME NINJA WORK WITH SEXY TEXY!"

At that moment, Tex sprayed Beetle with the bug spray, killing him instantly. But it sounded like his voice actor, Matthew McConaughey, was actually suffocating. Then, Tex force-fed Monkey the poisoned banana, choking her to death. Then, Tex charged at Kubo with the katana. But right before he was about to make contact with Kubo, the screen cut to black and a slashing sound could be heard, meaning that Tex cut off Kubo's head.

But the trailer still wasn't over yet.

It cut to a shot of Blithe Hollow. Norman was walking through town, looking for his friends.

"Where is everyone?" asked Norman.

At that moment, Tex popped up in front of Norman, who screamed when he saw him.

"Hello, Odd Thomas," said Tex. "I heard you can see ghosts."

"Yes," said Norman. "I've seen all of the ghosts of all of those innocent people and characters that you've killed over the years. What were you thinking?!"

"They were scared of my company," said Tex. "I tracked them through my THX-fear detector."

"That's no excuse to kill someone," said Norman.

"Sure, it is!" yelled Tex. "That's enough from you! Time to go ghost-busting with the T-Man!"

Tex revived the ghost of Jack the Ripper, who went to kill Norman. Norman screamed as he was being massacred to death. I thought that the amount of blood shown in this part was disgusting. So, I paused the trailer to go throw up in a nearby toilet. Then, I resumed the trailer to watch the last part.

It cut to a shot of London, England. Sir Lionel Frost and Mr. Link were driving to Buckingham Palace to attend a science convention. All of a sudden, Tex could be seen, speeding up to them with his jetpack, holding a few pumpkin bombs from the Sam Raimi Spider-Man trilogy.

"Hello, Sasquatch and his boyfriend," said Tex.

"Name one good reason why you're here!" said Lionel.

"Yeah!" said Mr. Link. "Especially after killing all of those people!"

"To celebrate Halloween, of course!" said Tex, holding a pumpkin bomb. "Now, time to celebrate Halloween with Sexy Texy!"

Tex threw all of the pumpkin bombs at Lionel and Link, who screamed as they were blown to bits.

But the trailer still wasn't over yet.

It cut to a shot of the Laika logo. But the L was on fire and the A looked bloody. Then, the THX logo rose from the ground as the deep note played, with the screams belonging to Kubo, Eggs, Coraline, Norman, Beetle, Monkey, Mr. Link, and Lionel. After the deep note stopped, Tex came down from the top as if it was a jumpscare. He was holding a severed head of what appeared to be the founder and president of Laika himself, Travis Knight.

Tex gave his speech:

"Hi there, Laika fans! Texy is back to kill all of your favorite characters for disrespecting my company! I have also killed the founder of Laika! Now, I can track your fear of THX through my THX fear tracker. So, if you're scared of me, you're in to try some Tex stew! Sweet dreams!"

Tex threw Knight's head and flew away into the darkness as another "To be continued.." was put on the screen. Then, underneath it, "The Audience is Listening." Then, the trailer ended.

I have never been so afraid of a company or robot in all my life. Especially now that I knew that he was real! So, I took all of my THX trailers and smashed them to bits and threw them in the Hardee's dumpster. But as I was walking home from my shift, I felt a baseball bat knock me out. Then, I went black.

But what I didn't know was that Tex had a surprise for me that would mess with my head to this very day.

(To be continued...)