Tag (film)/Quotes

"Will one of you please tell me what is going on here?"
"Are we off the record?"
"No! Definitely not."
"Awesome, okay, our group of friends has been playing the same game of tag for thirty years."
"What?"
-Rebecca Crosby and Hoagie

"Engage No Hand Protocol: No hand shall touch my body."
-Jerry

"Hey, did they mention that I haven't been tagged in 30 years because they suck?"
-Jerry

"What's the difference between a Episcopalian and a Lutheran?"
"Episcopalian don't eat fish."
"That's...that's a Pescetarian. Not a religion."
"They're all fanatics. I don't know."
-Sable and Chilli

"For the entire month of May every year, we play tag."
-Hoagie

"You never know when someone's gonna pop up."
-Hoagie

"Congratulations buddy. You're it! Doing great Anna"
-Callahan

"Our buddy Jerry is the best that ever played. And now he wants to retire."
-Hoagie

"This is the year we get Jerry."
-Hoagie

"Synchronise your watches."
"I don't know how to do that."
"I don't wear a watch."
"Time is a construct."
Hoagie, Callahan, Chilli and Sable

"Some couples go on cruises. Some couples go camping. Some couples go to strip clubs and have gangbangs. And this is just what we do, this is what we love, this is our gangbang."
-Anna

"Seems like the game has really kept you guys connected."
-Rebecca Crosby

"This game has given us a reason to be in each other's lives."
-Hoagie

"I think your dad would've really wanted you to be...it!"
-Chilli

"Eat my..."
"Eat my dick? Balls?"
"Butt? Ice-cream!"
"What?"
"He knows I'm lactose intolerant. He's taunting me."
-Hoagie, Callahan and Sable

"We get Jerry now, or we die."
"What?!"
"Eventually, you know what I mean."
-Hoagie and Callahan

"You're it!"
"Pass."
"You're it! You're it! You're it!"
-Callahan and Chilli

"I know it's going to get a little wacky, just don't go too far."
-Susan Rollins

"We are global..."
"Yet local."
That's exactly right, sorry on second. Hey, could you maybe come back at another time? We're just right in the middle of something. Sir?"
"I'm afraid not Bob!"
"Jesus, Hoagie! What are you doing here? How did you get past security?"
"I didn't, I work here."
"You got a job at my company so you could try to tag me?"
"Come on, Bob, it's over."
"You don't think I can escape from my own conference room?"
"Where you gonna go?"
"Well guess what, watch now this is happening."
-Callahan Rebecca Crosby and Hoagie

"I don't want my wedding ruined."
"Nah, we'll take it easy."
-Susan Rollins and Chilli

"So, we tag Jerry at the wedding."
-Hoagie

"No tag at the rehearsal. Do not even mention tag at the ceremony."
-Susan Rollins

"So, who's it?"
"I am."
-Jerry and Callahan

"Callahan approaches from the left. Engage No Hand Protocol. Chilli, he dives at me in a pussy-like fashion. Poor planning, poor execution. Piece of cake. I head for the door to escape. It's showtime!"
-Jerry

"Yes, this is the moment I've been waiting for. I'm going to be the one who tags Jerry."
"Callahan will become distracted by his own arrogant thoughts, which I will exploit."
"This will be my victory, which makes sense because success breeds success...Oh God!"
-Callahan and Jerry

"Our friend is a psychopath, and this is scary."
-Sable

"That was one of the top five worst experiences of my life."
-Sable

"You're going down!"
"You're too intense."
"You're gonna suck my tiny ginger balls!"
-Anna and Chilli

"I'm going to trap him and tag him in the face. And yet, in my heart of hearts I'm pretty sure it's not going to work."
"Hoagie's attempt to face me fail because he lacks confidence. Also I think it's fair to say, I'm fucking surgical with these complementary donuts."
"Hoagie and Jerry

"Hi! I'm so glad you made it! Are we cool?"
"Yeah, I guess so."
"Not yet! Sorry, not cool yet."
"Hoagie, Jerry has a perfect record. We're a team now, we're a wedding team. And I just feel like, Hoagie, if you're gonna play a children's game as a grown man, maybe next time don't play like a child. Anyways, I'm really excited you guys are here. Try the roubar, it's off the hook. It's my wedding, I'm getting married!"
"Congratulations."
-Susan Rollins, Chilli, Hoagie and Callahan

"Think about it. There's three days left in May, that gives us sixty-three hours to round up the guys and get him."
"Great, you know what? We can talk about this over dinner."
"What? N-n-n-n-no, we have to go now, you understand?"
"Don't you have bathrooms to clean, or something?"
"Technically yes I do."
"Well then, you know what, get to it, take this stupid thing off, I've got to get back to my interview."
"Then I resign!"
"You're fired."
"Goddammit. The benefits here suck anyway."
"No they don't! We're an insurance company."
-Hoagie and Callahan

“Sweetheart, that’s a war crime. That’s not really who we are.”
-Hoagie

"The slight scent of weed, Chilli. He thinks he's caught me off guard."
"Oh my god, I've caught him off guard."
"He rushes in from the left, idiot."
"Hazelnut coffee? What kind of bitch drinks hazelnut?"
"-Jerry and Chilli

"How many wines have you had?"
"How many legs does an octopus have?"
"Well, 8."
-Callahan and Sable

"Excuse me ma'am, you dropped your- Men's athletic crossover style boot size 9 1/2, suggest a man that is not fashionable, nor athletic, Hoagie!"
-Jerry

"He's very competitive."
Susan Rollins

"It's about having a reason to be around each other."
-Hoagie

"How come bi-weekly means both twice a week and every other week? That's mad confusing and linguistically lazy."
-Sable

"Hoagie!"
"Go, go, go, go, go."
"Hey."
"He's got full loss of consciousness. That's impressive."
"Uh, excuse me everyone, everything's fine, uh, this is all just a game."
-Jerry, Chilli, Callahan and Susan Rollins

"Someone once said 'We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.' When you're a kid you can't imagine having any other group of friends. You think you're gonna be buddies forever. Of course for most people that just doesn't happen. But my friends and I, we figured out a way around that. We just never stopped playing. And I like to think that simple thing, playing a game, is what made me the man I am today."
-Hoagie

"So the man you are today wants to be a janitor?"
"Yes."
"Uh, look Dr. Malloy, I'm looking at your resumé, it says you got a PhD in veterinary medicine-"
"Look, there comes a time in every mans life where you just gotta take stock, ask yourself what's really important, what's on your bucket list."
"So let me get this straight, on your bucket list, you don't have like skydiving or rock climbing or tap dancing maybe dancing with wolves?"
"What I really want is to clean the urine off of that mans toilet seat."
"Talking about the boss? Mr. Callahan?"
"Anything I can do to get closer to that guy, sign me up."
"Okay look man, any other situation I would just tell you to get out of my office. But, we do need the help, so... when can you start?"
"I've already begun."
I haven't even opened that yet!"
"Uh, I'm sorry, I was trying to be proactive, uh, today, I can start today. Um, Why do I get ya another Coke."
"Do that, we good."
"Okay."
"And don't throw away no more new stuff."
"I'll be right back."
-Hoagie and Reggie

"We lose! He beat us! The game is over!"
-Hoagie

"Who's bad now, bitch?"
-Anna