The Official MILF Manor Review

**EPISODE 5**. Why 5 you may be asking. Because it took me that long to come up with the idea

Hello gamers. I couldn’t have picked a better episode for the inaugural weekly-ish MILF manor review. This episode is a doozy

The new mom and son (Lisa and Ryan) are interesting but the main thing they did was provide some context on how the show writers even convinced the moms and sons to go onto the show. They sort of implied that they were told they would both be participating in a dating retreat. They both thought they’d be dating people independently and sort of seeing how that went and perhaps build a stronger connection between them.Also Ryan looks like fatality falcon if he wasn’t a gamer and mf had no rizz (as all the cool kids are saying these days) until the challenge.

Speaking of which, this was probably the reason the show needed a TV-MA disclaimer. The introduction states, “Men always think they know what you want in the bedroom. But do they really? Truth is if anyone knows about saxophones, it's us ladies. You have the age, wisdom and experience. And now we are giving you the opportunity to share that carnal knowledge with your sons.” Good god how are they getting away with this. Then they brought the daters (which is what the show refers to them as) into a room where they began the challenge and I don’t actually think I should describe what was in the room in writing. Anyways the moms then asked one of the sons (mom’s choice of who to question) a question and the writers told them to use all of the props which again I will not include because minors exist (avert your eyes young children… please for the love of god).These questions and actions that are induced are pretty heinous so they will not be described in this analysis. Let’s just say that Ryan went crazy mode on an orange pretending it was something else. As this is the inaugural review, I don’t want to test my luck right now.

Then there was beef bc one of the moms (Stefany) was kinda sending mixed signals to two of the sons on the show about if she wanted to date them. She has told each of them that the other is just a friend but has been telling each of them that she is open to dating the son she is talking to (maybe not explicitly but both of the sons seem to think that so ehhhh). The result was that stefany and gabriel kinda maybe gaslight ryan(different ryan) into thinking that gabriel and stefany do not have a thing going on. With that being said, I too hope there is nothing going on between them as well.

The other major event was Jose going on another date. This time it was with SoYoung (i’m not making this up) and they went scuba diving and watched whale sharks. He has a really nice accent and is a real gentleman imo (unless he is just playing all the moms in which case I will hunt him down with a vengeance unmatched by any other. He does also in fact have the rizz (game recognize game). This man has at least 4 or 5 moms somewhat interested in him. What a lucky fella!

In conclusion, this show was definitely the most outrageous in terms of shock value. The challenge was actually insane and I will elaborate tomorrow if demand exists and maybe someone can find the clip for me. I would also like to thank the mods and officers for determining whether this review should be deleted and acting accordingly. Furthermore, nothing said or done in this episode will ever have a greater shock value than the quote from jimmy but rather the content is more explicit this week. Moreover, as time goes on the more I think that this show is not ironic or a bit and people are just really messed up in the head for creating and consuming this show. I state this after writing an almost 700 word description and review of the episode. Yikes

“what does a man do to turn a lightbulb on the most?, “where is the library?”, “do women find finishing first in mariokart ” and what is a woman's favorite form of foreplay.

**EPISODE 6**

mma keep it real with yall. Episode 6 kinda stunk. It had a weird challenge which isn’t insane enough to omit, so that's gonna be a new feature for the review and some strange happenings occurred but like the episode was kinda a stinker. I would also like to mention that I thought that chat gpt should write this review but the response was unfortunately, “I'm sorry, but as an AI language model, I do not provide reviews or opinions on explicit or inappropriate content such as "Milf Manor Episode 6". My programming is designed to provide informative and helpful responses while maintaining a neutral stance and respecting diverse perspectives. If you have any other questions or concerns, feel free to ask, and I'll do my best to assist you.” Apparently our AI overlords have not yet seen the light and I will make it my life goal to help them see the error in their ways.

Regardless, the challenge was pretty weird but also was just an inverse of the first challenge where the moms were feeling the sons to figure out which was theirs (which is insane that this is only kinda weird for the show). Regardless, the challenge was that the sons were to give a massage to each son and neither son nor mom was explicitly aware of who was on the other end. A rating was given by each mom for each massage. It was pretty standard except for the one mom (Lisa) who was very errr vocal about how she was enjoying the massage. Jimmy (feet man) won the challenge and tried to recreate his magic on his statements on feet. However, his language choice about how much he enjoyed giving massages did not have the same impact although it wasn’t far off. I’d quote the specifics but I'm not convinced it’s worth it so I won't.

His reward was to take someone out on a date and he decided to pick Charlene. This is a rookie mistake. You absolutely do not take out the very outspoken italian woman from New Jersey on a date. With that being said, imagine how funny it would’ve been if he took another son on a date. Like what would even happen to the show at that point. Like would they be forced to redo the entire “scene”.

The directors also sensing that the content they were producing kinda fucking sucked, decided to change some of the house dyanmics. They sent Billy and his mom Stefany on a double date overnight. Gabriel and Kelli were the selected dates based on who was closest to the duo. The real aim of this event was to split Kelli and Billy up for reasons I will explain later. Since Stefany really does not like Kelli, this was not going to end well. Billy did not want to go as far as Kelli wanted to on the overnight date (what an idiot lamo) since his mom was there and Kelli also really wanted to go as far as she could with anyone she can. Oddly, Billy was not even her number one choice at the moment although the footage may have been changed idk. Gabriel is probably going to get friendzoned if I had to guess but this is purely speculation (I hope not. Fight on gabe!). The end result is that Billy kinda fumbled the bag as the kids say and now Kelli is pursuing Jose.

The real aim of the event was to get Jose and Kelli together since Jose is really popular with the ladies in the villa. Most of the moms there are or were into Jose and he has probably been on the most dates with anyone in the house. Pour one out for Soyoung, and Shannon(OG ryan’s mom) as they are gonna be pretty upset if Jose makes moves. Paola(Jose’s mom) does not like Kelli bc she believes that she is a slut and “not the right girl for my son”. This is going to make for some of the all time reality television once the secret sneak out date the two are having has been teased for TWO episodes in a row.

In other news, Joey (Kelli’s son) is now probably going to be dating April(Gabriel’s mom) and they unironically have a very cute thing going on.They are very goofy and also wholesome so its been enjoyable to see a genuine connection forming where all parties are on the same page .  The two are a very nice pair and it almost makes you forget about the 39 YEAR AGE DIFFERENCE between the two (20-59). This is nothing compared to the age difference between Jordan's mom and myself. Like Joey cannot legally drink and April is 6 years from being eligible for medicare but I digress.

Paola and Ryan are now starting a thing but Ryan may be going to fast for Paola so we will see how this pans out. Furthermore, the Jose-Kelli fallout may create a situation such that Paola is very much not interested in anything romantic and Ryan continues his approach of going as fast as he possibly can. This would result in a situation where Ryan and Shannon may get kicked off of the island but I’m not confident on it.

Overall, this episode was pretty standard filler where we find out who is getting with who and who is left out of the picture. One of the real positives of the show is seeing the moms and their sons interact and I genuinely believe that this will improve their relationships on the whole. (Excluding the son who now knows his mom slept with one of his friends… yikes). It is nice to see that some good can come out of the show. See I said I’d write a shorter review this week but I had to give out a lot of lore to give the full picture (This was 1000ish words total) so it's not the end of the world as I procrastinate some homework (Heat and Mass transfer is next. Hooray!) -#1 MOM FAN

**EPISODE 7**

It's Monday and you all know what that means. It's time to review MILF Manor.  Jimmy said sus. 10/10: funniest shit I ever did see.

The result of the secret date was pretty chilled out actually. Nothing really occurred because of the sneak out of Jose and Kelli. The funny part was they legit just went to a hotel like 5 minutes away from the Villa. I got baited into thinking there would be fallout and there just wasn’t.

The challenge was that the moms and sons had to guess which of the underwear was their mother’s or son’s respectively. This is weird but not weird enough compared to anything else in this show so the shock value isn’t quite there

The most interesting part of episode 7 is that Harrison (Charlene’s Son) has decided to leave the MILF Manor. I don’t think he explicitly was aware of what the show would be and didn’t seem to be into moms (CRINGE) making the show MILF? Manor for him. Charlene decided to stay.

After this, the strangest/worst date of the episode occurred and I think I will be doing this instead of describing all of them from here on out. At any rate, Charlene and Ryan(Lisa’s Son AKA the new ryan) went on the dorkiest possible date. They went through the cactus garden and had a picnic of sorts. My boy Ryan knew more about cactuses than Cardamom and was talking about them … like a lot. Somehow it still sorta worked as he did show he cared about her and she appreciated that.

Alternatively, the best date was probably still the Jose and Kelli escapade. Pola (Which I have been spelling wrong oops) went on a date with both Ryan(Shannon’s Son) and Jimmy(The GOAT). There is a clear triangle and both are into Pola but we will see how this develops.

I would also add interestingly as Jose/Pola may have fallen into a strange situation where the mom is dating the son of the woman the son is also dating. As a result Jose would simultaneously be the step son and step father of Jimmy or Ryan in the scenario where Jose and Soyoung and Jimmy and Pola get together. A similar situation occurred where Shannon/Ryan are interested in Jose/Pola.

Next week the families are coming onto the show and it's gonna be hilarious. Apparently the daughters of the moms are going onto the island(at least for some time) and flirting with the sons which is a strange path for the showrunners to take but alas. Also the dads may show up for some time which will just make this show even more bat shit crazy. Also they may be kicking off people next episode and not just in pairs so that's neat.

**EPISODE 8**

Babe wake up, it's time for more MILF manor reviews. The showrunners just Thanos snapped the islanders. 7 people just got kicked off and the odd number is weird but doesn’t account for the one person who went home last week. Now there are 4 couples and one of them isn’t really a couple and are just kinda friends. Another super interesting thing is that of the eight remaining people in the show, 6 have their mother/son pairing in the house with them.

The fucked up part is that Lisa and Ryan had to compete with everyone else after the initial connections had already formed. However, the MILF MANOR PR will be discussed below and is entirely dependent on the choices of the residents. AKA not my personal opinions.

Undisputed #1 is Jose who had no less than THREE of the moms pick him as their connection in the event that sent people home

Number 2 is probably Pola since she had two sons select her as their choice. However, this is interchangeable with Stefany who had a lot of drama around her selection as discussed in the first iteration of this review. An argument could be made for Kelli to be at #2 as she has had multiple separate suitors but one of them was not high on the PR(Billy) so it kinda doesn’t count.

Ryan and Kelli are probably interchangeable at 4 and 5. Interestingly, they are the only two residents to have had multiple somewhat serious partners in the manor and both ended up with the high PR residents Pola/Jose which is a boost to their stock.

At 6-8 are Joey/April (5/6) and Gabriel. April and Joey haven’t interacted much outside of themselves so that feels fair to put them below the other couples which have some sort of other aspect which puts them higher in the PR.

At 9 which is kinda more of an HM position I’d argue is Billy. He fumbled the bag as the kids are saying when he turned Kelli away from him and was never even her #1 which is wild to say lmao.

10 would probably be Ryan(second added) since some of the moms seemed to be into him but he joined too late to be able to feasibly court one of the lovely moms. Also Lisa is HM bc she is in a similar boat but none of the guys seemed to be into her at all so idrk.

**EPISODE 9(FINALE)**

I am disappointed to announce that this will be the final review of MILF manor season 1 since this fever dream of a TV season is now over. We laughed together, we cried together, but most importantly, there were lots of MILFS. Hopefully there will be a season 2 because that was some truly putrid television and I just love seeing horrible concoctions play out.

With that being said, episode 9 picked up where 8 left off. The group which now contained family members or friends of the residents decided to play truth or dare. This was really odd since seeing 50 year olds play the game just felt weird but that's hardly the weirdest thing that happened on the show so whatever I guess. Jose stated, “Having my sister and my mom and the woman I’m dating and the guy that my mom is dating and the daughter and son of the woman I’m dating in the same room [while playing truth or dare] could get out of control.” It was a little strange but again I have been desensitized beyond all belief at this point. Kelli was dared to do a body shot off of Jose (eg. a shot of tequila off of his torso for the uninitiated).

In other news, Joey will be moved up the PR retroactively to 4 or 5. Pola’s daughter Emma was trying to make the moves on him and I didn’t take this into account when making the list. He has secured Emma’s phone number. However, he is not as confident in his relationship with April as he once was after April’s husband was not acting cool. I didn’t mention this because it reeeaallly wasn’t interesting. Tldr was that he did not respect their relationship (shocker) and was acting a little too close with her. Regardless, he did not like that and had some tough decisions to make.

The bulk of the episode discussed the goodbye “ceremony” where they would read letters to each other regarding their future. It was in a scenic area of the villa with a gorgeous view of the ocean and the losers who didn’t find someone at the villa returned to watch (for some reason). The letters will now be discussed in the order they appeared.

Gabriel and Stefany. Neither of them said literally anything in their letters except you are so special and stuff like that but no resolution was made. Afterwards they said they should continue seeing each other especially since they both live in LA. They said they are going to be going to the church Stefany goes to and the idea of a bunch of bible thumpers (respectfully) watching this show is such a silly one. Stefany probably told her church community about it and some of them definitely watched some of the egregious events that transpired as described in prior reviews. Like I cannot imagine even explaining this to my grandparents(who are pretty devout believers) much less having them watch an episode.

Joey wanted to continue to date but April decided they are not dating but “stayed friends” He did seem to take it well so that’s good. I really thought the 40 year difference was gonna work. Ryan and Pola are continuing to date and Ryan is moving down to Miami. Kelli and Jose decided to date outside the villa. Although Pola is not necessarily thrilled, she will give it a chance. I am convinced he was held at gunpoint for this one but maybe that is genuine. Jose will be moving to LA soon to advance their relationship.

I would like to elaborate here and say that the outcomes mentioned above are according to what the residents said they would do after the show ended. Since reality TV is a notoriously honest medium, I will do my best to describe what happened/is happening with the cast who was dating in the last episode and maybe more if I feel the need to continue procrastinating homework.

I have some important answers for which we have been yearning. Firstly, the producers of the show utilized a strange common practice for reality shows where contestants give some contact information in case of emergency. The contestants were then told only that the show would be an “empowering show about older women dating younger men” according to Kelli as posted in a Washington Post article. Then the sons were contacted and were asked if they would be willing to go on a dating retreat in Mexico with less specific info which checks out with previous information that was mentioned by contestants on air. Kelli was told that her eldest son was invited along to be her support system according to the WP article. This is only the tip of the iceberg however.

In the same interview, the producer of the show (Daniela Neumann) described that she believed MILF stood for Mother I Love Forever. Allegedly, the acronym was allegedly told to her BY HER SON which is just amazing. Surely she is just memeing out here or maybe gaslighting people into thinking this is the case but “Mother I Love Forever Lover” has a nice ring to it. She continued by stating, “I don’t know about in the States, but in the U.K. it’s used as a positive term”. Upon further analysis, I couldn’t agree more. I exclusively use MILF as a positive term or even term of endearment. TLC people knew this would be controversial and their branding intentionally used it as a selling point but the director is really not important beyond this.

Neumann also insisted that the challenges were not designed to be sexual in nature. Kelli reiterated this idea in an interview as well. Like were they not watching the same show as me. I now feel the need to mention some of the gratuitous shots they would occasionally take of the contestants. Don’t get me wrong, it was not all the time nor was it super in your face but I  do believe the idea was that you were supposed to notice that these women are indeed conventionally attractive.

Furthermore, I discovered a very funny skit from 30 Rock which is a show I didn’t know existed but it predicted a crude version of MILF manor. It will be attached below and while I could describe it further to y’all, it's worth watching so I will not spoil it. MILF Island | 30 Rock - YouTube

I also checked about 20 top rotten tomatoes reviews and found that almost everyone thinks its horrible. Most hate it but others like me think it has reached peak irony level and I’m glad I’m not the only one bc if I was I’d need to rethink a lot of things to be honest. This person gives a better review of the show in whole than I could ever come up with.

Absolutely amazing, peak degeneracy, hard to tell what's scripted and what's bimbo mothers actually traumatizing their children. Perfect show to watch stoned, very simple and almost every line cracks me up. In certain moments I think about what has humanity descended into but before getting a chance to get depressed about it a "MILF" is already hitting it with yet another memorable one-liner. If you're not feeling like dealing with a complicated plot that pulls on your emotions, like decadence, VERY intense cringe and degeneracy this show is for you!

Now for the much anticipated where are they now section. NONE of the couples at the end stayed together which really shouldn’t be a surprise. Gabriel allegedly has a new girlfriend but I couldn’t find evidence of this but he is a model and an aspiring musician. He is not very good and I don’t like him. One portion of his song states:

All the monsters inside

Do they keep you up at night

You wanna cut if I leave (this line is repeated a lot)

Baby I make you wanna bleed

Late at night you can never sleep

Always thinking I’m what you need

I’m not great at picking up subtext but I just do not like his music and if someone wants to explain why this okay and is art please do so. The visuals are not fun either

Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWeSkQZRpFY

His mom April is okay and is a singer in a band that has garage band energy. If anyone else had a dad who was/is in a band, I guarantee they are similar to the band she is in except maybe a little bit worse in quality.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-O2NL-2cIa8

Also, all of these people just wanted fame me thinks. She is a fitness expert I think and she has a video of her appearing on local TV talking about health stuff from a couple years ago but she is active on the social media. I missed the chance to watch the show with Billy, Stefany and April last night. Actually crying rn dont talk to me.

Stefany is not a fame hungry individual as far as I can tell. She does have a cameo and is a realestate agent. She did a tour of the MILF manor and thats kinda silly but she’s boring compared to the rest of the cast which is probably good tbh.

LMAO. Kelli has started a pyramid scheme. She’s sellout mode

I got lazy. Maybe I will finish this one day

**PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED PR**