TRP: Goro, Hansel, and Mishka (Cat Fiance)

[SETTING: Gentleglen, day 272, after Mishka talks to Larkin in the pub.]

Once Mishka was done talking to Larkin, he wandered back out again. He draped Hansel over his shoulders so Hansel had a good view of the area. "You good up there?"

IZZY

Hansel purred and headbutted his face.

COYOTE

"Excellent. Excellent. Alright, so, plan of action. When we find Goro, I set you down, and then you... I don't know, act adorable until he picks you up... and then, bam! Half-orc. Eh? Eh?"

IZZY

He meowed. Communicating as a cat was kinda bullshit. The rest of it, though. That was pretty great.

He batted his tail into the other side of Mishka's face. Hahah.

COYOTE

Oh, and there Goro was, headed down the street towards the pub. He looked innocent and nondescript, as usual, drawing no attention to himself, wearing his humble cleric garb.

Mishka stuck his fingers in his mouth and whistled as loudly as possible to annoy him. "Hey, chatich!"

LINA

Goro's first thought was to wonder who the hell Mishka was yelling at. He looked over his shoulder as he walked, but seeing himself unfollowed, realized it must've just been... him. He grabbed the collar of his robes and tugged them up a little bit, scowling.

Mishka had a cat riding on his shoulders. "Mishka, no," Goro said. "No. You can't just... take cats."

COYOTE

"What? I absolutely can," Mishka said. "Look, look. This one looks like Hansel." He set the cat on the ground.

IZZY

Hansel padded over to Goro and rubbed against his leg.

LINA

Goro crossed his arms, looking down at the cat. Oh, no. He wasn't getting roped into this. The cat looked pretty beat up, so it likely didn't belong to someone like Goro first assumed, but it was probably a goddamn con artist in animal form. Act all sweet and friendly, get scraps. Hell nah. Goro knew that game.

"Played you like a sucker," Goro told Mishka. Though he'd be lying if he said he weren't a little tempted to pet it.

COYOTE

"Haha, yeah," Mishka said. He crouched down to scratch its haunches. "Look, though. It only has one tooth. Ah, I can't keep this up. He's too cute. Look, it's Hansel. That cat is Hansel. Haha. What the fuck, right? I just found him and he's a cat, now."

LINA

"Are you drunk?" Goro asked.

COYOTE

"Y'know, normally that's a pretty good guess, but actually, for once, no. Stone cold sober. Look! Look, it's got that scar on his haunches Hansel has. I bet it's got a tiny shark-bite hidden in all that fur, too. Hansel... Hans, meow three times if you're Hansel."

IZZY

He didn't. He rubbed on Goro instead, twining between his legs with his tail up.

COYOTE

"See?" Mishka said. "That's absolutely what Hansel would do. Just completely ignore me when I tell him to do something."

LINA

Goro snorted. He crouched down to get a better look at the cat, maybe see what all the fuss was about. It butted against his hand, and he could feel himself falling under the little demon's spell. He scratched its chin.

"Such a big handsome boy, yes he is," Goro murmured, in a tone bordering dangerously on baby talk. To Mishka, he said, "If you ever let it slip that you heard me speak to another living creature this way, you're a fucking dead man."

IZZY

Hansel climbed into Goro's lap, ignoring the fact that there wasn't really much of a lap to be had.

COYOTE

“As if anyone would believe me,” Mishka said. “There’s certain disadvantages to being a bald-faced liar, my friend.” He gave Goro a sidelong look. “Hey, so... what did those merchants say to you, anyway?”

LINA

Oh, fine, the thing was crawling on him now. He scooped it up into his arms and kept petting and cooing at it, pretty kitty and handsome little man and good kitty boy, like a fucking imbecile.

"Uh, nothing much. To be honest, I took one look at 'em, thought 'peaceful caravan of orc merchants,' and made a fuckin' guess. Asked if they'd traveled in the area before, asked if they'd ever known someone named Yehuda. Then the lady, the head of the caravan, she told me that was her son. And that was pretty much it, 'cause I took off to let Hansel know before I went nosing around anymore." He nuzzled the cat. "Ohh, you're such a little devil. We are gonna keep you, aren't we? God damn it."

IZZY

Hansel purred and nuzzled him back.

COYOTE

"I already told you, that's Ha... you know what? It's fine." Mishka ran his hand through his hair, then checked around. "I... didn't realize they were his relatives." He glanced down at Hansel. "So, um. No bullshit. I took Gavriella back to Little Creek, then came back to Gentleglen looking for Hansel. I found him, but he panicked and turned into a cat. It looks like some kind've druid ability."

He scratched his wrist impatiently, digging his fingers into the cuff, then made himself stop. Bad habit.

"Apparently his fucking family freaked him out," Mishka said. "He talked to his grandma."

He stopped there. He was satisfied he could tell Goro these things, because-- well-- he and Goro were on the same side, he supposed, what with being Hansel's husbands. Or husband-to-be, soon enough.

LINA

Goro was listening to Mishka, but his attention was mainly still on the cat. Rubbing its head, scratching its chin.

Mishka's words sank in after a bit of a delay. Goro kept going over them in his head, trying to make things fit. Much like the only one tooth comment, which had left Goro distractedly half-musing about how Hansel had a lot more than one tooth, so what the hell had that been about? This cat was missing one of its lower cuspids, though.

Slowly, Goro moved to hold the cat at arm's length. "What the fuck," he screamed, voice echoing around the street.

IZZY

Hansel's ears went back in alarm.

COYOTE

"What's wrong?" Mishka said, startled. He caught himself reaching for his rapier.

LINA

"Wh--uh--" Goro made a few distressed noises. "Can you understand me?" he asked the cat.

IZZY

Hansel meowed.

COYOTE

"He meows once for yes," Mishka said, helpfully. "Twice for no."

LINA

Goro made more distressed noises, still holding the cat at a distance. "Is he stuck like this? Can he turn it on and off?"

COYOTE

"Haha. I mean, he turned into a half-orc again, accidentally, before, then turned back into a cat, so I'm sure he... he, uh... fuck. Actually, y'know, I hadn't really thought about it."

But Goro had a panicked look on his face, and that bothered Mishka, for some reason, so Mishka said, "It'll be okay. He'll run out of magic in an hour or so, almasi, then pop back to being Hansel."

LINA

Goro cuddled the cat to his chest, stroking his head more fiercely. "'Kay."

IZZY

Hansel purred and kneaded his claws into Goro's shoulder.

COYOTE

Mishka felt... oddly peaceful, looking at them. The boyfriend was a scared little cleric, as usual, and his husband was a cat, which was new. And it was nice, watching Hansel sank his claws into Goro's shoulder to steady himself, and watching Goro cradle him.

Weird. But Mishka liked it.

"So, game plan," Mishka said. "One've us goes to check out what the fuck is up with the Novads and make sure they don't get lynched. One of us protects Hansel. Rock, paper, scissors?"

LINA

"Wait." Goro closed his eyes, still petting the cat. "You said... you said he talked to his grandma? God damn it. I wanted to warn him... uh, you. I wanted to warn you." He kissed the cat between its ears. "So you didn't go from zero to grandmother without knowing it. Damn it."

COYOTE

Mishka pulled his hood up to protect from the spring rain as it began to drizzle.

IZZY

Hansel made an agreeable mrrp.

COYOTE

"Yeah, he said something about his grandma fucking hating him," Mishka said.

LINA

"What? Pfff." Goro snorted and nuzzled Hansel. "I doubt it, love."

IZZY

His whiskers drooped.

LINA

"Hey, quit being a cat and tell me what she said. Why'd it freak you out? Just, new family and shit?"

IZZY

Hansel burrowed against Goro and continued being a cat.

COYOTE

"I don't think he can turn back until he's safe and calm," Mishka admitted. "My magic used to work like that." He had a better hold on it now, but he used to lose control all the time. "Maybe you oughta ask the bitch."

LINA

"Bitch? She seemed real nice when I talked to her." Goro tried to shift Hansel away so he could hand him off to Mishka, but Hansel sank his claws in, sticking to Goro's robes. "Hey. Hey. Cut that out. You gotta learn to control your claws, or some shit." He pulled Hansel's paws free one by one.

IZZY

Hansel, who had perfect control of his claws, reluctantly allowed this.

COYOTE

Mishka tucked him under his coat against so he had a cat-shaped lump hiding in his jacket. He started to back away. Looked like Mishka got the cat and Goro got the Novads. "You need anything?" He offered the mask with a flourish. "You gonna talk to them or just people-watch?"

LINA

"Gonna talk to them." Goro waved off the mask. "They were totally nice to me before. It's fine."

COYOTE

"Alright." Mishka slipped it back on; nothing except one freckle on the side of his nose changed. "Good luck, motek."

LINA

"It's fine," Goro insisted. He gestured at the lump under Mishka's jacket. "Good luck with that."

He turned and headed into the pub. No doubt Hansel had just freaked himself out by believing bad shit about himself, again. Goro was gonna talk to the grandma and get this shit straightened out. Collect some encouraging words to take back to Hansel. Poor guy.

IZZY

[END]