The Expanded Truth About Neon Genesis Evangelion

The Expanded Truth About
Neon Genesis Evangelion

For the first one, click
here

It's been 15 years since the
explosion at GAINAX Studios. It has haunted me to this very day. I
was only ten years old when it happened. I was walking down the
street with my parents and the whole place blew up. I saw their dead
expressionless faces. I was only ten, but I knew what had happened. I
hadn't figured out what had happened, and it was supposudly due to
some show called Neon Genesis Evangelion. I have grown a hatred for
the show ever since I found out. Today though, I will find out the
truth about Neon Genesis Evangelion! (OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH DAT
TITLE NAMING!)

I have
spent the last fifteen years of my life trying to solve this mystery.
I found a conspiracy site, and I joined in. I found a user who knew a
lot about the explosion. I had to meet him though, since his proof
was on a vhs tape. I took the tape, and whipped out my old vcr. This
was it. My whole life was leading up to this. There was a little bit
of fuzz, and then the video started.

The
intro started, and I pissed
on the screen out of my rage and hate for the show. It probably
wasn't a very good idea, because it got on to my Xbox 2, the best
console on Earth, and possibly Mars. After I cleaned up, the intro
was over, and the show finally began.

It
showed Tokyo- 3 and was normal just like the show. Suddenly, out of
nowhere, something came out of the sky! It was Asuka! I was weirded
out, since she wasn't in her EVA. I continued. Then out of the
ground, Rei showed up. She offered a pancake to Asuka, but she threw
it to the ground! I knew something was wrong, since WHO IN THE ACTUAL
FUCK DOESN'T LIKE PANACAKES!?!? That stinking bitch! Then Asuka
revealed her true form! ASUKA WAS ACTUALLY SATAN THE WHOLE TIME! I
FUCKING KNEW IT!

Rei
realised she was in deep deep shit now. She then whipped out a kazoo,
and out popped a giant
Skrillex! Together, they were able to pop some sick moves on Asuka!
Asuka was ready to turn the tables on them now! Knowing
Asuka, she was always full of shit on the show. But this time, SHE
REALLY WAS FULL OF SHIT! SHE OPENED HER MOTUH NICE AND WIDE OPEN, AND
SHE SPEWED SHIT ALL OVER THE PLACE! SKRILLEX AND REI WERE SURROUNDED
BY ASUKA'S MOUTH
FECES! The city was completely covered in shit. Luckily, Skrillex had
his SICK STEREO SYSTEM! HE WHIPPED OUT HIS SICK ASS SHIT SPEAKERS,
AND BLASTED THE SHIT BACK AT ASATAN! ASATAN LOOKED BACK, AND GOT
FLOODED BY A WAVE OF BASS BOOSTED SHIT! The shit was on now.

Out
of nowhere, a voice said: “YOU ARE MY CINEMA, A HOLLYWOOD
TREASURE!” and then Rei started to shake. REI HAD TRANSFORMED INTO
A CINEMA! SKRILLEX PICKED UP THEATRE REI, AND HURLED HER AT ASATAN!
Asatan lightning kicked her back at Skrillex, but he was too quick
and lauched her back. They were in a tennis like state now, launhcing
Rei Theatre back and forth. Skrillex
then caught her, ending the rally. Asatan then charged her poop
attack again, and shot it with even more force than the last! Rei
Theare then blocked Skrillex, and sheiled him from Asatan's feces.
Then Skrillex picked up Rei
Theatre, and loaded her into his speaker system! He then cranked it
up high, and lauched her at Asatan! Asatan then was hit so hard, she
EXPLODED INTO BLOOD! THE CITY WAS COVERED IN FECES AND BLOOD! IT WAS
ALL OVER THE PLACE!

Rei and
Skrillex started to pop and drop some sick moves, and of course beats
in celebration of beating the devil, lord and prince of darkness, aka
Asuka. But there was much more trouble to be a foot! Out from over
the hill, and blocking the entire sky, was none other than Shinji's
Dad, or GENDO IKARI! The two heroes were shocked at this stunning
twist! Gendo then reaches for Rei, and grabs her! HE THEN STARTS TO
EAT HER VIOLENTLY! THERE WAS EVEN MORE BLOOD SPLATTERING ALL OVER THE
PLACE! IT EVEN HIT THE CAMERA A FEW TIMES! IT WAS HORRIBLE! Gendo
then swallowed the now dead Rei Theatre. Skrillex picked up Rei's
kazoo to see if anything else could work. It was truly hopeless. He
was done for. Then Gendo pulled down his pants, and showed his
asshole to Skrillex. He then proceed to stick his finger right into
his butthole! His shoving proccedingly went faster, and faster,
unitl he removed it! When he did though, a buch of fire and
explosions came spewing out of it, and everything blew up!

Shortly
after though, my house had blown up! I now knew why GAINAX blew up
those long 15 years ago. I was about to pass out, but before I did,
all I could see was a bearded man wearing glasses staring at me. I
woke up shortly in the hospital. The doctors said I was truly lucky
to be alive. I was relieved to know what had happened to my family,
and felt as if I were now at peace. I then went to sleep. I then woke
up from having a nightmare. The image of Gendo Ikari eating Rei was
starting to haunt my dreams. I then heard a thunp. “Who's there?!”
I yelled out I could see a tall sillouette staring at me. It then
turned on the light, revealing itself to be Gendo Ikari. I knew that
my time had come.

The
doctors found my body the next morning. They were mesmerized to see
my corpse. The only evidence of a killer being there, was a message
spelt out in human feces saying: “\*Reader's Name Here\* IS
NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

AND
THEN A SKRILLEX POPPED
OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!