John Smith

John Smith is a twat.

### History

John Smith was born in 1650. After several decades of stealing land, threatening Native Americans with military force, and probably raping Pocahontas, he decided that blatant theft and murder was too much for him and instead decided to settle down. His consciousness moved around and eventually settled in the physical form known as "Jogn" in the early 2000s.

In 2014, using the keen instinct that told him that Jamestown was a good spot to plunder, he found the TTV Message Boards and began his conquest there. He started off small, but eventually achieved moderator status after finding a soul mate who also enjoyed finding a group of people who have fun sucking the life out of them in Kahi. Chances are he'll end up killing the entirety of the TTV boards by spreading some new parasite that makes them all want to watch terrible old sci fi flicks.

Until that happens, Jogn passes time by being the TTV member equivalent of Buzzfeed, posting a bunch of stupid, time wasting topics that do absolutely fucking nothing to encourage meaningful discussion and instead just keep six year olds stuck on a message board for a dead toyline instead of doing their homework. When he's not ruining children's lives, he sits around watching shitty TV shows or wishing he lived in the fucking 1960s. If there's one thing that sums up this being's desire to embrace everything sucks about the US, it's his obsession with the 60s. Ah yes, the good ol' sixties. Nothing like a bunch of Jim Crow laws and race riots to establish us as the best nation in the world.

Ah yes, and on that note, Jogn will vehemently defend the notion that the US is great, despite the fact that the nation collectively decided that the two most qualified people to lead it were a robot programmed to consistently lose elections it has no business losing and then blame everyone else, and a cheeto with a ridiculous haircut and a penchant for being fooled by shitty conspiracy theories. He will literally sit here in chat and tell you how great America is, because at least it isn't as corrupt as fucking Venezuela or something. Apparently greatness means just being not as terrible as everywhere else. He's basically a slightly more subtle, literate version of AidanBionicle.

### This has probably stopped being about history huh

Anyway back to Jogn. If you somehow don't know, Jogn is a big fan of Dr. Who, which is probably due to him sharing the same trait of being this transient consciousness that just inhabits random bodies. The only difference is that Dr. Who actually remembered to inhabit bodies that actually carried some actual talent with them, and as a result all of Jogn's attempts at creativity are absolute shit on cheesy biscuits. He created arguably the worst moc of 2014 (EDIT: The moc was so bad that TTV's website actively refuses to show the images anymore), and then was so desperate for creative potential that he became the first person to actively think that ripping off the idea of a guy named "Middle Finger Studios" (not joking about that name) was a good idea.

If there's one thing that probably encompasses Jogn better than anything else, it's the fact that he was the one that started TTV's "rate the song above you" topic. Nothing encapsulates Jogn's attempt to slowly kill everyone off by getting them stuck in "what Star Wars character are you?" type quizzes until they die better than a fucking rate the song above you topic. Out of all the possible things you could discuss, it's assign a numerical score to a piece of music. You learn nothing, you gain no new insight, just see what people think about shitty music. Fuck that topic and everyone who participates in it with a rusty Dalek.

The guy is literally such a low effort energy suck that he couldn't even be bothered to design his own moc after his initial one was met with roughly the same reaction that Transformers 5 got upon release. Jogn is an unimaginative, boring, time sink that will probably have taken over the entire internet within a year and be in the middle of forcing us all to watch the same fucking episode of Babylon 5 for the 500th time. And when that happens I'll at least know for certain that there's no way any actual human being could have opinions as dumb as his.