Krahlag

**Krahlag** is a backstate located in the **Northern Mid-Midwest region**. It is bordered by Hestirs the north, Doramos and North Doramos to the south, Van Buren and Green Rock to the east, and Ostona the west. The capital of Krahlag is the city of Bondanian and The largest city in Khralag is Mitras

Krahlag is a mountainous state with a diverse landscape. The Neo-Cascade Mountains run through the state, and there are many forests, rivers, and lakes. The climate of Krahlag is temperate, with warm summers and mild winters. Unfortunately, pyroclastic flow often interrupts the usual flow of nature, but this has been mitigated after centuries of adaptation by locals. Locals of Krahlag are often immune to sources of heat and cold unbearable to most people.

## Green Rock Rivalry

In Krahlag there are many arguments between locals and Green Rock residents over who has the best igneous rocks.

## Neo-Cascadian Range

#### Mount Trunk

Mount Trunk is the northernmost volcano in the Neo-Cascade Range. It's often called “Mount Hood’s Evil Twin”. As generic as it sounds, Mount Trunk is indeed an active and hazardous place. Mount Trunk has erupted every 39 years on average, with the most recent eruption occurring in 2022. The Native Americans who live around Mount Trunk cursed and salted its earth, making it so anyone who climbs it will be cursed as well. The lava flows from Mount Trunk are blue and sticky, and they can reach temperatures of up to 2,000 degrees Fahrenheit. However, it also turns cold every so often, thanks to a mysticalwillpower-based manifestation that ”blue = cold”. Thus, ice baths of magma can happen.

#### Mount Eaglesque

Mount Eaglesque is a symbol of American freedom, with its eagle-shaped peak and jagged talon-like rock faces. The mountain is home to a variety of eagle-related cultures, and its people prefer traditional talon-based weapons to firearms. Twice a year, Eaglesque hosts the "Eagle Eruption," when flocks of migrating eagles spill out from the mountaintops. The most notable of these eagles are the Titanic Eagles, which are thought to be cursed by the Great Krahlag Crow. They are left to roost within their giant nests, walking around and guarding the entrance. In recent history, an "Evolution Beam" was discovered in the center of Mount Eaglesque. The beam was likely created by the Heartmasons, a group of scientists who experimented with evolution. The beam misfired during World War 2, and not until 1952 was it discovered that tens of thousands of animals (mostly eagles), had been transformed into human-animal hybrids.

#### Mount Shafta

Mount Shafta is the tallest mountain in the Neo-Cascade Mountains, and the world. It is believed to have been inhabited by some Heartmasons. It is 1,000,000 feet tall at its summit. The Biblical Heaven begins just a few thousand feet above the summit. Mount Shafta is likely the final resting spot for the Great Krahlag Crow, the very peak of this mountain has strange claw marks. A Romanian-Heartmason scientist named Saint DoublePeter lives on the mountain. DoublePeter bites and clones senior citizens, since he is a vampire. There are other Romanian immigrants in the mountain. There is one city on Mount Shafta’s quarter-way point, about 250,000 feet in the air. This city is domed to prevent oxygen loss, and is solely walkable, meaning there are no modes of transport beyond one’s two feet. This city is called Footshaft. Cars and bikes are banned, punishable by Eaglesquan Force, meaning they use talon swords, feather guns, and other shameful weapons to discourage vehicles. This is with good reason, as most cars can not drive up 250,000 feet in altitude.

Heaven authorized the USA to pass through and continue Manifest Destiny. They were allowed passage through heaven to the Moon during the space race.

#### Mount Santella

Mount Santella is the coldest mountain of the Neo-Cascades. It is dormant, and it has many glaciers. These glaciers create sentient “Ice constructs.” This of course makes Christmas very jolly. Christmas on this mountain is truly a treat. There are even auroras, called Aurora Santellus, that arrange themselves into whatever profanities the viewers know about. The silliness of it all makes it more fun, especially if one is under the influence of local Christmas Marijuana and alcohol. The hermit Lineaus Pellius climbed the mountain and discovered Caribou Levitation, a special type of levitation related to caribou in several esoteric ancient texts from across the world. Another technique named “Skywalk” was taught to nearby communities, unlocking their latent double, triple, and quadruple-jump abilities.

#### Mount Sunnier

Mount Sunnier is the hottest mountain in the United States. It is constantly erupting, so any man-made constructions are required to be inside the mountain. There is a miniature sun fuelled by government experiments like the Heartmason-constructed Fission Reactor, the 36 Demon Cores. 39 Demon Cores used to exist, but three were taken and placed inside Little Boy and Fat Man, with the third Demon Core best known for its two criticality accidents. The lava is normal except for the radiation it emits. Since 1884, airplanes have wanted to crash into the mountain thanks to Heartmason innovation, so the USAF sends 60 jets around the mountain on January 28th each year, even crashing some, those which are too unstable to serve in the air force.

#### Mount Franklin

Mount Franklin is the most dangerous of the Neo-Cascades and the most popular travel destination of the six. While its electrical eruptions are a sight to behold, it also kills most modern technology in its vicinity. Held within the depths of Mount Franklin is the secret Segregation Beam, first drafted by the Heartmasons and constructed by Ronald Reagan. Due to several misfiring test runs of the beam through the 1940s-1980s, the inhabitants of Krahlag have a hotspot of racism centered on Mount Franklin. On the mountain there is a glassmaking town, Liberier, which hosts a unique culture. Liberier is a free-love commune, a social movement that is actually a puppet ploy by Reagan. As any humans with native Krahlag ancestors retain the Bone Goddess’ transformation abilities, Liberier’s open sexual culture gives this trait cause to spread across the vast United States. Republican senators often visit Liberier and drop a lot of “hush money” into the local economy. Liberier only allows travel via unicycle, punishable by fines. These fines increase by one power of ten (Example, $5, $50, $500) for each repeat offense.

## Popular Locations

The Mitras Museum houses a collection of artifacts from the state's history, including talon tools, weapons, and clothing from the area's indigenous peoples. The Bone Goddess’ colossal left incisor and lumbar vertebrae are preserved here. The museum also has exhibits on the state's early European settlers, as well as its role in the Civil War. Krahlag was not a slave state but kept finding segregation loopholes until 1986, thanks to the “Segregation Beam”, built from Heartmason blueprints by Ronald Reagan. Initially, it misfired during 1982, informally re-introducing slavery as a consequence of Reagan’s sub-par reconstruction of the Beam. The consequences spawned three thousand dozen slurs for various races, contributing towards the June 2001 North Mid-Midwest Internet Crash.

River Rose is a popular destination for white-water rafting and fishing. The river is known for its rapids and its abundance of fish, including trout, bass, and catfish. It was recently allowed to have sexual intercourse with the Fish-People. The offspring between the different species were previously illegal, and any known interbreeders were previously punished with life in prison. If this ever happens, a taboo “Fish-Person-Person” is born. This unfortunately may happen with other Animal-People, making an Animal-Person-Person. For ease of naming, Krahlag’s State Government named them “People-People-People”. If interbreeding happens, the unfortunate forbidden child gets benefits from the Krahlag Agency for People-People-People (KAP3 or KP3). This happens since the fusion of human and animal physiology causes chronic pain and illness.

Note: People-People-People with only human and bear genetics do not get benefits from KP3 as they are considered very human-like, which created an archaic loophole. Humans are not eligible for welfare in Krahlag. Despite the pain they face, they are subject to live without any assistance. This caused trembling controversy amongst Bear-People and their Bear-People-People counterparts. Unions of Bear-People-People, usually thousands strong, come together and help in communal societies. These are classified as “Rebel Groups” by the Krahlag Bureau against Rebellious Morons (KBRM). Perhaps a civil war is in the works.

The Great Sina Forest is a popular destination for hiking, camping, and fishing. The forest is home to a variety of plant and animal life, including deer, bears, and birds. Bear-People, Deer-People, and Bird-People inhabit these forests, but are not considered human and are instead protected under the few conservation laws that apply this far away from the cities. The bear people are the only “evolution beam-produced” species where interbreeding with humans has always been allowed. Unfortunately, their similarity to humans created the archaic loophole which prevented Bear-People and the Bear-People/Human hybrid race, Bear-People-People, from receiving welfare from the state, since Humans are not eligible for welfare in Krahlag. There is talk of an amendment allowing all People-People-People, and maybe even Humans to receive welfare, regardless of type.

Beach Maria is a tiny lake in the shape of a bird. Standing near the foot of Mount Sunnier, it is constantly bombarded with lovely amounts of irradiating warmth. The waters take on a turquoise hue and the shimmering ash-white sands give the lake an image that evokes the idea of a cleaner, more pure Yellowstone. The lake is roughly 98°F on an average day, even in winter, except for Christmas and New Year’s.

The Krahlag-Colorado Wormhole is a great way for people from the far-off Pacific U.S. to visit the backstates. Its opening presumably appeared during the early 1400s. A few mountains were teleported in from the Cascade region at the time of its opening, and thus the Neo-Cascade range was formed. The wormhole has a slight tendency to tear apart non-organic electronics.

# History

## Ancient History

In the dawn, in the first age, there was “something”. God, evolution, pure chance, a simulation bug, some higher life form. Nobody has a definitive answer to what this “something” was, but it is represented as an enormous crow with spiraling patterns of light down its feathers in native art. In ancient times, long before the Greeks first sailed the Aegean, people migrated into Krahlag from the northern regions of North America. The Krahlag they saw is nothing like the Krahlag we have access to today. At the edges of the Neo-Cascade Range, we find ruins of cities cut in half. They built structures of stone and wood, living off of the forests. These natives would only create a few sedentary towns, instead choosing to wander the blissful lands of ancient Krahlag. Dried gorges suggest that rivers once flowed through the forests in much greater abundance.

The people of Krahlag believed in this “something” as a guardian spirit of the region, and while it would not harm them unprovoked, they took care to not anger their local supernatural force. Weather remained good so long as the environment was undisturbed, and each of the few settlements contain ancient scripts that may have been prayers or apologies to this “something”. Symbols of crows dotted the land in generationally-maintained crop circles and stone paths.

In the 200s BC, a young woman from one of Krahlag’s tribes found the “something” in its domain, a forbidden glade where the center of Mount Trunk lies today. What happened in their exchange varies from story to story, but the result is that the woman gained a divine power over nature. She could become a grand being, towering above all and capable of ripping trees from their roots with a finger. Her original name was forgotten, in favor of her new title as the Bone Goddess.

For a thousand years, the Bone Goddess and her descendants terrorized the people. Desperate to hide, the human people of Krahlag built vast walls and fortresses. Each one spelled another disaster as the great Krahlag spirit was angered. Thunderstorms, tornadoes, and great floods created tribulations for both the humans and the Bone Goddess’ descendents.

The time came, however, when the Great Krahlag Crow would cease its harassment. The peoples of Krahlag, divinely altered and not, mixed to the point that they could not be distinguished. When put under the influences of certain medicines, Krahlag tribes could enter a form 12 yards tall and with some of the Bone Goddess’ visage. The wars were over, and the walls deteriorated with time. Nature reclaimed its course, and the shrine of Krahlag’s nameless spirit grew more ornate.

In the 1400s, a wormhole between Colorado and Krahlag opened. This would normally not cause an issue, but the coinciding earthquakes led to spatial instability. Six volcanoes were warped in from Washington’s Cascade Range. Mount Trunk, one of these. Appeared centered on Krahlag’s sacred grove. The “something” perished under the mountain, but its fury may be the source of the curse. The environment vastly changed in an instant. Cities were crushed, forests and plains burned, and the great mediating entity of the region died. Krahlag’s people, scared and confused, lost control of their communities and entered an age of great desperation and strife.

## Colonial History

When the French colonists came in the 1600s, they found that the natives worshipped the mountains. The natives prayed to Mount Eaglesque for a plentiful harvest of eagles each year. They had a ritual of bathing in the lava flows of Mount Trunk. They were able to call lightning down from Mount Franklin and use it to fend off the French, as French people are vulnerable to electricity. Mount Santella and Mount Sunnier have no known records of native habitation.

The French Colonists interbred with the Animal-People, creating the first Animal-People-People (People-People-People). The natives saw this as gross and horrific, so they cursed any colonists of the area to be allied with the crown of Britain, the main enemy of France. However, this spell misfired and caused them to ally with Germany instead. The natives turned into their Bone Goddess forms and crushed most of the French. The few remaining French took on German names and renamed all their cities with German names.

Soon enough, the Louisiana Purchase took place, and American settlers rolled in. They immediately allied with Germany thanks to the spell. They created a town called Mitras near Mount Eaglesque, believing the eagles were a sign of Manifest Destiny.

The Heartmasons were created in the early 1600s by French colonists. They made makeshift airplanes, fission reactors, the “Evolution Beam”, Vampire Serum, and blueprints for the Segregation Beam as well. They were led by a man named Dr. Adam Heartmason, the grandfather of Saint DoublePeter the vampire. Adam Heartmason was a well-known innovator and often performed miracles across Kerala to great reception.

## Krahlag Territory

For a great deal of time, Krahlag was nothing but a territory. It had a territorial governor but was otherwise completely the same. The Federal government had very little direct influence over the state, especially in its mountainous regions. Thus, life in the state was largely unchanged. The federal government had little reason to intervene due to the massive amount of territory it acquired after the Louisiana purchase. The Animal-people lived in peace in the region.

## Civil War

Leading up to the civil war, the state of Krahlag was neutral in a strange sense. While practicing slavery with the local Animal-People was common, there was little debate in Washington as to whether they were people or not. They were considered a branch of Humanity, but inhuman themselves. Thus, while sympathetic to the South, they remained mostly neutral as the white slaver population simply carried on as usual. Upon the election of Abraham Lincoln and the attack on Fort Sumter, Krahlag declared neutrality. This was considered an act of rebellion against the union as Abe Lincoln personally ordered the occupation of the capital, Mitras.

This effectively put Krahlag on the side of the south, mobilizing its state militia to fend off northern forces. Significant investment from various European powers preserved much of the core cities as they were unwilling to let the Union obliterate their investments. General Sherman, however, was not kind to this state and made a name for himself in Krahlag. Using state-of-the-art weaponry, Sherman and his soldiers made an example of Krahlag, destroying everything from farms to civic infrastructure. Total war began, and Krahlag was the receiver of a relentless barrage. Animal-People were freed, given guns, and allowed to run loose in the streets, free from their masters, incited by a man named John One-And-A-HalfBrown. Needless to say, it was a brutal campaign and the darkest day in the history of Krahlag.

After the occupation of the burning capital, the state had a number of rebel cells still active. However, for the most part, the state remained entirely passive throughout the rest of the Civil War. They learned to mind their Uncle Sam. Of course, the example made out of Krahlag caused several southern states to surrender before Sherman could get to them, such as Doramos.

## Reconstruction

During Reconstruction, the state was largely ignored by the federal government. As Federal troops left, harsh segregation immediately returned. Unfortunately for the People-People-People, they faced a great deal of discrimination for the crime of being french. With close cultural ties to Quebec and other Godless lands colonized by those people. The state was dominated by corrupt politicians that created political machines not unlike those seen in other states. While ostensibly containing both political parties, it was one big game of capital. Investors wanted access to that highly profitable People-People-People.

The State’s economy became mostly agricultural as unskilled slave labor undercut young workers. In fact, the population began shrinking as the unenslaved white people simply could not find work. They moved to larger cities in the east or west, often favoring the south for its similar position. The numerous economic crashes of the late 19th century did a number on the state, especially as the proportion of young people fell, the natives of Krahlag took their chance. In 1879, as the federal government warred with dozens of tribes across the west, the Krahlag began a revolution of their own.

This revolution, however, was far different from the others. Using the ancient abilities they had from the beginning, they punished the white settlers for using them as slaves. The natives fought with the state guard in the streets for months before federal troops could reach the isolated state. The natives destroyed rail lines, fences, and even telegraph lines. Anything western was destroyed; anything related to the settlers was to be expunged.

The result was economic devastation. With many of their ways lost to history, subsistence farming was one of the only ways to support themselves. Without actual trade, they returned to their far more ancient lifestyle. Even though they had lost much of their culture, abandoned the conveniences of modern technology, and embraced what ways of life they remembered, they carried on all the same. The federal government, however, was not finished with this rebellious state.

## Krahlag Wars

Starting in 1894, with the exhaustion of land in the wild west, the federal government turned to Krahlag for its imperial ambitions. The rich volcanic soil proved promising for the rising industrial agriculture sector. President Grover Cleveland lobbied in the senate to declare war and, eventually, war was declared. It was quite the bloody battle as the natives unleashed their fantastic powers onto scores of unwitting troops. This is when Grover had an idea. Since Krahlag was so remote, it would not matter if, say, a little bit of biological warfare took place. In 1897, anthrax spores were released and, at first, quite effective in dealing with the resistance.

Federal troops were able to occupy the capital once again but, before long, the People-People-People built up immunity to the disease. Afterwards, it was a matter of attrition as they slowly wore down federal forces. They retreated in 1900, freeing the state once again. At this point it was quasi-independent but recognized by no other country in the world.

In September 1920, France recognized the country, permanently ruining relations between the US and France. This prompted the US to attack Krahlag once more, this time fielding the ultimate weapon, a ban on all alcohol in the United States. Even though the federal troops were cranky without their drinks, for the People-People-People, whose french culture depended heavily on wine, the blow was devastating. They had nothing to drink, resulting in dehydrated soldiers becoming far more easily bested by the hydrated US soldiers. The US was flush with military equipment from the Great War, making the wars even worse for the native people.

The Krahlag Bureau against Rebellious Morons (KBRM) formed to stop these wars and rebellions. It is part of the federal government, despite being named for and entirely dealing with Krahlag. They employed dimensional rifts to temporarily seal Krahlag from the outside world and created a terrifying weapon of mass destruction. This weapon was nothing like the Heartmason rays and beams, but rather was a demonic entity trapped inside a lens, focusing sunlight into a deadly malicious beam. They targeted the wormhole first, preventing people from escaping to Colorado. With this lens and no power source but sunlight, they threatened every city until they surrendered. The KBRM used more subtle measures to ensure most people don’t even think about rebelling, otherwise they are punished.

## Admission into the Union

Finally, in 1925, Congress admitted Krahlag into the Union. Its two senators and one representative gave it a minute influence in the vast congress. The people of Krahlag had to contend with another wave of settlers who, this time, began intermingling with the natives once again. The “Anti-Mingling Act of 1927” banned all relations between humans and People-People-People save for the Bear-People, whose small population required more mingling to occur and were genetically similar enough to humans for less issues.

With the large influx of human settlers as well as the inevitable mingling that no law could prevent, the culture became markedly more American.

## Red Scare

A large problem with America, especially after the ascension of the Soviet Union following their conquest of Back-Norway, a red scare gripped the entirety of the United States. Communism was to be routed out and McCarthy was going to be the face of the movement. A senator from Wisconsin, Joe McCarthy wanted to purge communism from the land. So he began accusing everyone of being a communist, including the people of Krahlag. McCarthy accused the “Free love” cities of being communist because free things were communist, and of course, you can’t spell communist without commune. McCarthy, however, was a frequent visitor to many of them. When male prostitute Bryan G. HalfMittens spilled the beans on every one of McCarthy’s deviant preferences, he immediately resigned and the red scare was over.

## Space Race

Due to Mount Shafta having an impressive height of over 1,000,000 feet, it became a pivotal spot in the Space Race. The first humans to ever go to space were natives who simply climbed the mountain thousands of years ago. Of course, this was a technicality due to Shafta extending above the Kármán line and technically being “in space”. During the Space Race, America was able to colonize the moon, creating the backstate of Mondburg. Mount Shafta has had a large population despite literally being in space.

## 2001 Internet Crisis

The reconstruction of the Segregation Beam by Ronald Reagan during 1982 was disguised as the long-derided “Star Wars” project. The result was a large orbital weapon that could spark segregation wherever they desired. Reagan wanted to use it on gay people, but the beam was built without sexuality in mind, thanks to some failsafes by the Heartmasons. Thus, he fired it at his third-least-favorite group, the People-People-People, to test it. The state of Krahlag erupted in racism as billions of slurs began flooding the only recently-installed internet of the region. Servers began overheating as the sheer quantity of the word “cracker” and other slurs reached a critical mass. The internet shut down in Krahlag shortly thereafter. The government used its 9/11 Distraction Scheme to great effect in covering up the existence of the Segregation Beam.

## The Pandemic

Covid-19 is no joke and was most certainly not a joke for the denizens of Krahlag. Their many free love colonies had to place massive restrictions on love to Stop The Spread. This sparked outrage across the state as millions could not even last a day without free love. While there were services that allowed both parties to wrap themselves in plastic, in a so-called “full body condom,” these were incredibly unpopular and sparked mass protest. For this first time, a bipartisan amendment to Krahlag’s constitution banned any attempt by the government to ban free love. This made it so that interbreeding was allowed.

Unfortunately Krahlag had the highest death toll of any state due to Covid, but every citizen believes that it was worth it. At least four million casualties happened in addition to the many who died from loneliness. The Free Love Amendment effectively abolished the institution of marriage within Krahlag. Further laws were made which state that “marriages of any variety shall not be privileged above free love or formally recognized within the great state of Krahlag.”

## Guide to Survival

To survive in Krahlag, a few precautions are required. Make sure to carry no products of bears, as the bear-people are considered human enough for it to be offensive. Bear spray is illegal. Carry honey, salmon, and berries to offer to bear people. Even the fish and bird people may enjoy the salmon, and the bird and deer people will enjoy the berries. Be polite if you decline taking part in the free love, and make sure to acknowledge how cool the communes are. Bring cooler to arctic clothing. Never insult people’s igneous rocks, though other types of rocks are fair game. If you can be friendly about it, bring igneous rocks of your own and compare them sportingly.