Ep. 20 - Cera Bellum

Spurrier's back and ready for action! No time to celebrate though - the bards are face-to-face with an extraterrestrial brain with untold power. Add Squid and a few Gils into the mix, and it's a recipe for trouble. Can Chaos Sauce bring the heat in this kitchen? Listen in and find out!

## Plot

Cera, the giant brain, attacks!

The room has a perimeter with water in the middle. Cera is in the middle, Squidvicious is floating above the water, and several Gils surround them.

First, Randy attempts to hit Cera with his bow, but misses. Cera takes a 'lair action' to stick Randy in place. Squid floats up to Randy and wraps its tentacles around its face, causing a psychic effect and grappling him. Yashee attacks Squid with her maul but not doing much damage. Raz'ul tries to axe Squid's tentacles, but is unable to hit it. Cera swings a tendril at Raz'ul and smashes into him, then grappling him. They do the same to Yashee, before calling Squid weak for being unable to permeate their minds. Cera attempts to blast them psychically, but seems surprised when it also has no effect. Some of the Gils, meanwhile, cast a protection spell on the Illithids while two of the Gils hold Zil in place. Two more try to attack the other bards.

Randy wriggles free of Squid's grapple after sticking his tongue into its tentacles, which surprises it into letting go. Squid turns its attention to Raz'ul, but misses entirely. Yashee goes into a rage and escapes the tentacle grappling her by trying to tear it apart. She then dashes to the side. Squid tries to attack her as she passes by, but it misses again. Raz'ul also escapes the tentacle's grapple and stays in place. Cera tries to attack the bards again. but also misses. The Gils also miss their attacks on Zil. The magic-Gils summon some protective spirits around themselves. More Gils miss, but one gets lucky and hits Raz'ul.

Randy sneak-attacks Squid with his rapier, catching it in the middle. Cera takes a Lair Action, giving Squid determination. Squid takes a Gil-spear to stab Randy with, hitting him a little bit. Yashee decides to go for Cera, using a javelin. However, the Gils' spiritual guardians berate her, causing some damage. The *sanctuary* spell then prevents her from attacking Cera. She pushes down the Gil beside her instead. Raz'ul also gets berated by the spirits, taking more damage than Yashee and getting him down to 2 HP. He casts *moonbeam* on Cera, this time posing and quoting Sailor Moon. This time, the moonlight is green 'like Sailor Jupiter', and 'more bedazzled'. He does a fair amount of damage to the brain. Cera tries to slam its tentacles on Yashee (hit, small damage) and Randy (hit, more damage). Kyle admits he is making up some of his own moves for the Elder Brain. The Gils near Cera cast *cure mass wounds* on their team. One Gil is looking for another, one attacks Randy and misses badly.

Randy takes out the flask from before, with the swirling wind sound. He points it at Cera, but nothing happens. After looking at the symbol on the flask, he recalls how Eddie once told him that some items need activation spells. He tells Yashee he wonders if they can get the brain to "get in the flask". At that moment a gust of wind starts to suck Cera towards the flask, bit by bit. Suddenly, that stops. Cera starts freaking out, saying 'I AM NOT GOING TO BE TRAPPED IN SOMETHING LIKE THIS." They seem to cast a spell and disappear. Squid says "No, you can't go to another plane, you haven't taught me how to do that!" Cera calls Squid a mistake, and says that this planet is not a viable colony, before abandoning Squid entirely. Left alone, Squid looks around at the Bards and the Gils (who are releassed form Cera's control) and says "We were just having fun right?" and tries to talk away the situation. However, Randy pulls out the flask, which Yashee grabs and uses it on Squid, trapping him inside.

The bards wonder what to do with the flask. Raz'ul wonders what happens inside, hoping that Squid is okay. Chaos Sauce decides they saved the world from alien invasion.

The Gils are confused. As the bards lead the Gils out, they hear an explosion, and the miners fall into the room's brackish fluid. Raz'ul asks the other two to act casual about saving the world. He also calms Yashee down. Randy takes the flask and hides in inside Joby. The miners are confused, and the bards explain that they took care of it. Having finished all their jobs, the group heads back out to the First Basom (Kyle dubs it Gillington).

Before leaving, Randy reminds them about Jermaine. However, he's not where they left him. They can't see any signs of where he went. Randy says he's fine with leaving Jermaine in the ground, but Yashee and Raz'ul call out. Randy [makes a really high perception check] and Raz'ul hear a shuffling noise from the next room over. There they find Jermaine, sitting on the ground, wearing what looks like a robe similar to Squid's, and he 'doesn't look all there'. The Gils are pointing to his hands which look strangely elongated. Jermaine asks, "Where are we?". Raz'ul says "We're in this crazy cave with a squid and a meat brain, but we stopped it - " and he hands him a card. Yashee asks Jermaine if he remembers anything, to which he replies: "We remember ... flashes, of him, of who *he* was." Raz'ul realises this might not be Jermaine. The Jermaine-creature says he doesn't know who he was, but remembers being in a pool with others like him, but the Jermaine-part remembers other things, but its fuzzy. The bards ask him if he wants to come out with them. Raz'ul helps him up and offers to take him to Gillington.

Back in Gillington, everyone is crowding Gil, who smiles when he sees the bards. He thanks the bards and says he has been promoted to archpriest. Raz'ul jokingly asks for money. The bards watch Gil get ordained. The Gils accompany the group back to the hole. Raz'ul kinda wants to bring Jermaine up, and the Gils don't want to keep him. Raz'ul gives Gil a card to remember them by. Gil also says they can take Zil with them. Finally, the groups part ways.

The bards recreate the S.S. Chaos Sauce and make their way to the top of the hole. On the surface, the sun is setting, and the sandatees have been left for them to return by. Yashee returns to Sandy and showers her with love. Randatee gets no such treatment. Jermaine rides with one of the miners.

Just after dusk they return to the town. Faced with returning Sandy to the Rent-a-tee, Yashee wonders if she can buy her. She inquires of Drew if there is some way to trade, and wonders if Sandy even want to come with them. Raz'ul offers to ask her. He casts *speak with animals*, first thanking Randatee for his time. He asks if Sandy wants to come with Yashee. Sandy is enamored with the idea. Drew is perplexed, but then he notices Zil and is more confused. He asks if Erin and Trish know the outsiders, and they reassure him. Raz'ul tries to make a deal with Drew for Sandy, offering a jingle in exchange. The name of the place is Rent-a-tee, decided by Drew at that moment. Drew is pleased with their work and allows Yashee to take Sandy.

Afterwards, Erin comes up and shays she will talk to Tony about Jenny.

In the tavern, the townsfolk are celebrating the return of the water and the saving of their town. Symbol is there, talking with Tony. Tony's daughter Mary is dancing with fabric hanging from the roof. Erin pulls Tony away. Dewey brings drinks over and thanks the bards for their work, and explains that Symbol described silk-dancing to Mary to help her out. Dewey returns to work. Symbol asks to be filled in. Yashee leads with the fact she got a sandatee. Raz'ul says they trapped Squid in the flask. Randy unzips Joby and hands the flask to Splash. Raz'ul expresses concern about the dc of that adventure. Splash notices Jermaine, and says he'll take him and the flask to the bureau. Raz'ul asks splash to give cards to the bureau members. Splash explains the bureau can stay and help with the mine, and it worked out surprisingly well. Then he notices Zil. Randy explains Zil. Raz'ul asks if Fingerbones is around, and Splash points them.

The bards talk to Fingerbones to teach him the Rent-a-tee Jingle, and to try to get him into Strumlotts somehow. They take him to Splash, to try and get a recommendation for Fingerbones. Splash says he'll consider it, and tells the bards to enjoy the night. Fingerbones mentions the bicentennial at the capital is coming soon.

Eventually, the bards go to bed. They have no particular peculiar dreams that night.

The next morning, the group is readying to leave. Drew brings Sandy over, with tack and everything. And her favourite blanket, with the stars. Splash is putting treats in the back of the cart when Yashee asks Splash to sort out the situation. Splash tells Mitch to tie Sandy to the cart.

The mom and kids from earlier walk up to Raz'ul. The kids say that saving the town was pretty cool and ask if he can show him some magic. Raz'ul gladly sings his *prestidigitation* song, creating sparkles. The mom thanks him, and the family leaves.

On the way back, Zil sits at the front with Mitch.

At the edge of the desert, they turn east. The Hemp Hills are on their left, leading into Dragonspine Mountains. They hear a dull vwmp sound. The source is a propeller ship with a non-Beetzart sigil on it. One of its propellers explodes and the ship starts falling. A large bird emerges from the forest, picking up the ship and helping it to the capital. Raz'ul recognises his druid mentor, Reed.

Fin.

## Song - "Rent-a-tee Sandatee"

### Chord Dice (major)

* A minor
* C
* F

### Drum Roll

* Pattern: 10 - techno 3
* Kit: 23 - fusion 02

### Lyrics

**Rent-a-tee Sandatee,*
A desert ride for you and me!

Rent-a-tee Sandatee

Flop across the sandy sea.

Razul:

If you don't have a sandatee,

Then come on down and see Drew,

He'll fix you and and you'll agree,

That Rent-a-tee's for you!

Yashee:

(Drew, say something here!)

Drew:

[Stuttering] I got sandatees, ya come on down to the south side of Basom, we've got sandatees whenever you need 'em, I-wha-is that, is that it?

Raz'ul

Drew’s the king of sandatees

And he’s got one for all of you

So head down south and you will see

That no one can outdo!!!

 *Rent-a-tee Sandatee

Satisfaction guarantee,

Rent-a-tee Sandatee

Call 555-S-A-N-D**

*Trivia
------*** Prior to recording this episode Spurrier was involved in a car accident. Fortunately, he recovered fully in a few months and the bards are back on schedule. More information can me found in the update and album Song of Rest in the feed and on the Bandcamp.*