Episode 1 - Fanlore

**Crypto:** All right, hey there everyone. You’re tuning in to the first episode of ProfoundCast, the Destiel Fandom Podcast hosted by Profoundbond.net. I’m Crypto, your host. This is our pilot episode! Basically we’re just gonna be talking about the fandom life, some fandom news, ways that the fandom, Destiel fandom and the Supernatural fandom have impacted our lives, and some super exciting stuff!

First off, make sure you follow us over at profoundcast on tumblr and twitter. Those URLs, profoundcast.tumblr.com, and @profoundcast on twitter for updates. We’ll be tossing a fully edited and polished version of the cast up on various podcast platforms. So, keep an eye on our social media for news and all that. We should  be up on Spotify, iTunes, Google Play, and iHeartRadio. Also make sure you subscribe to our RSS feed. You can find the link for those Spreaker, and also we’ll have that link up on our tumblr and our twitter for sure.

All right, we’re gonna start with some fandom news. So, first of all, Gishwhes. This is the first year that they decided to change the name, from Gishwhes to GISH. Honestly, most of us have been calling it GISH for short for years, so it’s not really that big of a deal. It went from the Greatest International Scavenger Hunt the World Has Ever Seen to just the Greatest International Scavenger Hunt.

Along with the new name also comes an introduction of the GISH app, and smaller year-round challenges. Those have already been a ton of fun. There’s been several. One of them had people gathering up in their little chat room areas, like they had the chat room on the app set up for each little city area. You’d use the app to go and find people around you, and then made a collage about your city, took a picture, and posted it on social media. It was a ton of fun. Little stuff like that is gonna be going on year-round, and not just during the hunt.

Registration looks like it’s going to be closing around July 13, just like all things GISHWHES, it’s just like wait, what, when? You can check out gish.com for more info in registration.

This year, the hunt will run from July 28 through August 4, and the Profound Bond discord server is assembling at least two server teams. There will be a competitive team and at least one casual team, depending on interest. We’ll be accepting signups for our teams until registration closes. We’re still looking for a captain for our competitive team, so you can check out the gish channel on the Profound Bond discord if you’re interested in that.

All right, moving on. So, right now, in some convention news, PittCon is going on. June 8 (yesterday) through the 10th in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania in the United States. It’s coinciding with Pittsburgh Pride, which means, of course, that Misha has been making a complete fool of himself, running around taking pictures with everybody, and you have to check out the pittcon tag on twitter, because it’s just full of adorable Misha shenanigans.

Misha’s doing photo ops there today, as well as Louden Swain, Rob Benedict, Richard Speight, Jr. You can check out the full lineup and schedule over at the Creation Entertainment’s official site. I think that’s creationent.com. Definitely keep an eye on the pittcon tag, though. There’s a lot of good shit up there.

Then we’ve got ChiCon coming up on July 13-15. That’s Chicago, the Creation event. They don’t have their schedule or lineup yet, unfortunately, but again, keep an eye on Creation’s website for that.

*(TN: Creation typically posts con schedules the Wednesday before the convention is scheduled to begin)*

And then there’s San Diego Comicon on July 19 through the 22nd, which is pretty much the biggest United States convention that we have. The schedules and lineups for SDCC are still being determined, so make sure you keep an eye on that official site for updates. We’ll also give you any and all updates on those cons on July’s episode of ProfoundCast.

In fandom fests and events, we have some really awesome stuff going on for June and July. There are fests that are currently posting. FlipFest is posting, which is a Profound Bond hosted fest. Posting is concluding within the next few days. Check out the collection on AO3. It’s DCFF18, and the flipfest tag on the profoundbond.net.

The Supernatural Dystopia Bang posting started on June 1.

We had the DeanCas Reverse Bang posting which began June 4.

DeanCas Mini Bang posting starts July 1.

Round Two of our ProfoundRobin is going on right now. It began posting in April and is ongoing. We’re currently on Chapter Eight out of eleven, but there’s been some talk about continuing on, but we’re not sure. Everyone is having a really fun time with it. The title is Fallen Angel, and it’s a film noir AU from the point of view of Castiel. It’s set in the 1940’s, and in the fic, Castiel is a former beat cop turned private dick. He ends up taking a case from Dean, whose kid brother has gone missing. It’s really turned out to be a fantastic fic thus far. You can find it on AO3 in the ProfoundRobin collection.

There’s been a few newly announced events. There’s the Things That Go Bump In The Night Bang, which is a general Supernatural bang. It kind of evolved out of the Demon!Dean Bang, and it looks like it’s gonna be a lot of fun, especially if you’re into case fics, monster of the week fics, anything like that. Sign ups will begin June 15.

We also have the Wayward Project starting, which is a fan season, kind of like Redemption Road was, but with the Wayward Sisters. Amazing project, and there’s only 16 slots for writers, open June 8. So far, it’s only open to writers, as far as I know. I’m unsure if they will open to artists in the future, but if they do, we’ll keep you guys updated on that.

We have another server-run fest, which is DeanCas Mixtape. It’s a server-run prompt fest. Mixtape is a new creation event run through Profound Bond, which was developed to showcase the music we know, love, and which inspires us in Supernatural. The fest is currently accepting prompts in the forms of the songs you know and love, so get prompting. More information is available at the tumblr deancas-mixtape.tumblr.com. Prompting closes on July 1, which is when claims will open, too. So that is gonna be super exciting.

We’ve also got the Profound Bond Exchange, which is a small server-run exchange. It’s closed to signups right now, but will run again probably a few times a year. Super low-key, low-stress, kinda like a Secret Santa, but without the Santa part.

We do have a new fest that will be announced soon. I’m just gonna give you guys a little bit of a rundown real quick. It’s called MashFest. If you’re on the server, you’ve heard me screaming about this for months, because it’s my personal baby. Signups will be opening June 15, and claims for it will be August 1. You can find some more details about that on the Profound Bond server.

All right, we have some updates here. The Wayward Sisters Bang, author signups are now closed, but artist signups are open until July 7, and as always they could use more artists. Make sure you go sign up for that one.

The Supernatural A/B/O Bingo, the dates did change slightly. Signups will be open until June 12.

There’s three print projects going on right now. Print projects are a personal favorite of mine, so I’m really excited about these.

We have Glory, the Castiel ‘zine. It’s a collaborative ‘zine between artists and writers honoring Castiel’s 10th anniversary. Lazarus Rising first aired September 18, 2008, nearly a decade ago. All proceeds will be donated to a soon-to-be-determined charity. The list of contributors to the ‘zine will be posted some time over the next few days. Keep an eye on their tumblr, castielzine.tumblr.com, and their twitter, @castielzine, for updates.

There’s also Trumpeter, which is the Gabriel ‘zine. The Trumpeter is an artbook style fanzine, paying tribute to our favorite archangel, Gabriel. Profits from the ‘zine will be going to benefit St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital, which is a charity Richard Speight, Jr. has publicly supported, so I think that’s an excellent choice on their part. Because, Speight’s amazing. He’s such a good guy, and it’s a fantastic way to show our appreciation for how amazing he was in the role of Gabriel. So that’s really exciting. You can see their full schedule and info over at Gabrielzine on tumblr and twitter. Applications for artists are open now, and close June 30.

There’s also the DeanCas Anthology, which is a Tarot themed anthology. They’re doing an Indiegogo campaign currently, which closes on June 24. All proceeds go to Archive Of Our Own. They’ve raised about $3,700 US dollars so far (tn: as of June 17, it’s over $5000, with 8 days remaining). So that’s a really exciting project. Make sure you go and support them on Indiegogo if you can.

All right, so that’s pretty much all the news and updates that we have so far. I’m gonna bring in my co-hosts now. We have destimushi, aka Soba, and Icarusinflight, aka Le. Say hi, guys.

**(Desti and Icarus):** Hi.

**Icarus:** So I’m Icarus, also known as Le, and I am Australian, if you can’t tell.

**Desti:** I’m destimushi, or Soba, which came from my name Sobamushi, and I am not Australian, I’m from Canada.

**Crypto:** I suppose I should probably introduce myself, as well. I mean, I did say I’m Crypto, but I am Crypto, and I’m American.

**Desti:** We’ve got like all over the globe.

**Crypto:** We do, kind of. We only live like, what, four hours apart? But whatever.

**Desti:** Yeah, give or take.

**Icarus:** It’s a source of great sadness to me, how far apart everyone else isn’t.

**Desti:** Well, I do say I was gonna come visit you sometime, so there’s that.

**Icarus:** I would love that.

**Desti:** It’ll be fantastic. We’ll never sleep.

**Crypto:** Like you sleep now. Oh, wait, you do.

**Desti:** I do, I have a very strict schedule.

**Crypto:** I’m just the one that never sleeps.

*(laughter)*

**Crypto:** All right, well I wanted to talk a bit about how the server and the associated projects we have kinda came about; a little bit of history about how we ended up here, doing our podcast.

**Desti:** Yeah, that would be fantastic.

**Crypto:** So, if you guys wanna let me catch my breath for a second, why don’t you tell everyone how you found the server and became friends?

**Desti:** I guess I’ll go first, because I’m the younger one, in Profound Bond age. Even though I was here fairly early on, I think we were like 30 people big.

**Icarus:** I think you were really early.

**Desti:** I was fairly early, and I think I joined the DeanCas Mini Bang, and then I joined their discord server. We were just talking in the chit-chat room, because I can never stay on topic, and anybody who’s spoken with me knows this. I think we were like, “You know, we should try to find a Destiel server so we’re not taking over a bang chat.” and Crypto, I think it was Crypto, or was it Kay? It was either deadlyangelKay or Crypto, one of you two, I can’t remember who, jumped in with a “by the way, have you heard of us?” So a link was dropped, and we all jumped into Profound Bond. There was quite a few of us, and the rest was history. I think we just kinda hopped in and took over. Yeah.

**Crypto:** Was that from the Mini Bang server?

**Desti:** Yeah, it was the Mini Bang server. We were in the authors’ chat, or the chit-chat cafe, and we were just like, going all over. The DCBB discord chat, they had just closed not too long before, so people were kind of looking for a place to converge, I think? When we found the D/C Mini Bang, we were like, “oh my god, it’s a place to talk again!” So, no, Profound came at a really good time. It was awesome.

**Crypto:** I remember I found Le from the Eternal Sterek server. I think Le might’ve been the very first member, aside from me when I created the server.

**Desti:** Awww! You were the OG!

**Icarus:** I remember I saw you post the link in Eternal Sterek, and I was much more of a Sterek fan, but I’d been hanging out with some people who were talking about Supernatural. I was doing the Weekend Writing Marathon, and they always talked about Supernatural and Dean and Cas, and I was really at that time reigniting my love of Supernatural. I was kind of searching, and I got some recs from them and was reading stuff. I was travelling at the time, so I was having a lot of time to actually read. So I was reading a lot of stuff, and just like conveniently I remember Crypto, being like “Hey, if anyone wants to join my Supernatural/Destiel server, I’d be keen.” And I was like, I’m not that big of a fan, but I’d really like to join. I’m kind of like, searching for something.

*(Desti giggles)*

**Icarus:** And she was like, Yeah, cool. Come across. I did, and then that escalated, quite a lot, I think.

*(laughter)*

**Crypto:** Quite a lot.

**Icarus:** It was all downhill from there.

**Desti:** I remember you saying, I think you gave me my roles, actually, when I first joined. I was like, I’m an artist and I’m a writer, but I’m more of a writer. And you were like, oh that one’s gonna be trouble.

*(laughter)*

**Icarus:** I did! I was like, oh my gosh, can’t she just take her roles and not be asking all these questions that I can’t answer. What is this doing?

**Crypto:** How dare.

**Icarus:** How very dare!

**Desti:** I’m making you work.

**Icarus:** I would like to stand by my initial assessment, that you are trouble. Like, stick with it.

*(laughter)*

**Desti:** I will wear that badge proud.

**Icarus:** You’d wear that.

**Crypto:** It’s very true.

All right, well I guess it would make sense if I actually explained why I started the server. So, I was a member of Eternal Sterek, right? It’s kind of this fantastic server for the Teen Wolf and Sterek fandom. I was asking around in their multi-fandom chat, and was like, “Hey, is there any Supernatural servers around?” And they’re like “oh, you know, there’s one for the Dean/Cas Big Bang, but I think they’re closing.”

I was like, “oh, that sucks. Someone should totally make one.” I was just met with total radio silence. So I popped into MiniBang, and I was like “hey, so is there any general Destiel servers?” And people were like, “dude that would be awesome, but no.” And radio silence once again. I was like, you know what, nobody knows who I am, I’m a total fandom no-name, but fuck it.

*(laughter)*

So I made one, and just started randomly inviting people. Then it just cannonballed from there. Now we are at 302 members, as of yesterday, which is just insane.

**Desti:** Damn. Right?

**Icarus:** Oh, wow, I didn’t realize we hit 300.

**Crypto:** Yeah, we hit 300, we have a podcast, we have, what… three ongoing fests right now, more like an upcoming ‘zine. We have a wiki. We have so much. The rec blog. It’s intense.

**Desti:** Oh, yeah! The rec blog is gonna be really awesome. And a writers’ meetup coming up. Because, you know, why not?

**Crypto:** We have the writers’ meetup, we have a round robin, we have sprints that are going all the time. It’s just kind of insane in the best way.

**Desti:** Well, Crypto, you are now fandom famous.

**Crypto:** I am not.

**Desti:** Oh, come on. Anybody who’s like, “oh that Profound Bond server?” Oh, yeah, that Crypto chick, she’s totally doing it.

*(laughter)*

**Desti:** But yes, if you are not a member, please come and join us. It will be fantastic to have you here. We’re super friendly. We don’t really bite too hard, unless you’re in the crunchy channels. Then it’s a free-for-all. So I’m pretty sure the invite link is going to be all over our different social media. Just hop on over and come say hi. It’ll be awesome.

**Crypto:** Yeah, probably the easiest way to find the invite link is to just hit up profoundbond.net, which is our tumblr. But if you go to profoundbond.net/wiki, it takes you to our wiki page. Right there on the front page of the wiki is an invite link. You can also get a rundown of all of our various projects there, so that’s pretty cool, too.

**Desti:** Awesome.

**Crypto:** So, we were gonna talk fandom stories. The fandom life.

**Desti:** Who wants to go first?

**Crypto:** You.

*(laughter)*

**Desti:** Oh, seriously? Did I just volunteer myself? Okay.

**Crypto:** You totally did.

**Desti:** I totally did. Well, my fandom story, for just Supernatural and Destiel is actually fairly recent. I wanna say three? Maybe three or four, no… maybe four, four and a half years. Okay, so maybe not so recent. Oh my god.

I had a kid through it, so that’s pretty exciting. When I first started Supernatural, it was a toss-up between Supernatural and Lost. I wanted something long to watch, and I didn’t have a whole lot to choose from, because I’m picky as hell. My friend was like, “Well, you should try Supernatural if you’re watching Lost, because it’s so much better.” I was like, okay, so I put on the first episode, and of course Jensen Ackles’ face-- and Jared’s-- I was a big fan of Jared’s baby face, was what did it. I know that people have a lot of these really profound moments with the show. I’m just like, no, they’re just like so pretty, and that was the end of it for me.

I binged through nine seasons in about three and a half or four weeks, and then bought my ticket for my first convention, because I either don’t do it, or I do it jumping in with both feet. I bought a ticket to go to SeaCon. I am fairly close to Seattle, but I’m on the other side of the border. Then I met my super awesome friend who got me into cosplaying, so we went as a Destiel cosplay. She went as Cas, I went as Dean. It was like a femme steampunk thing, which was really cool. From there, it just kinda blossomed.

Up until then, I hadn’t been really doing a lot of story writing. I’d been doing a lot of fantasy-based roleplaying, like post by post, so I’ve always loved to write. I’ve been writing since I can remember reading stories, so when I was really really young. But Destiel was the first fandom where I actually sat down and decided, “well, you know what? I’m gonna try to tell a story.” I wrote my first fanfic for the Destiel fandom, and then yeah, it just kinda took off from there. It’s got a life of its own.

I met some really great friends. My beta, JhanaMay, is the most amazing writer, and she is so good with editing. She helped me become the writer that I am today, which was super amazing. Her story, Say Something, is one of the best things ever. Anybody can tell you that who’s read it. And so, yeah, I made some really awesome friends throughout being in fandom. A lot of them helped me through my pregnancy, which was awful, even though it was very textbook. And I’m rambling now, sorry.

So, then it brought me here, brought me to Profound Bond, where I met Crypto and Le, and all the other mods here, and through the DCBB as well, I met some really great friends. People that I talk with every day. People that I talk with more than I do my real life friends. These are the people that keep me sane, now that I get to run around with a two-year-old and I don’t have a lot of other outside stimulation, because I’m a stay-at-home mom who’s doing stuff on the side. But, yeah, having these people from fandom just sort of, you know, keeping me relevant, I guess, is really nice, so I’m not going crazy. As crazy as I could be.

So, yeah, I’m still watching the show. I love the show. It’s got its ups and downs, but you know what? I think I’m with it until the end.

**Crypto:** Hell yeah.

**Desti:** Oh my god, I’m gonna be coming in with Stucky lines like, “I’m with you until the end of the line, pal.”

*(laughter)*

**Desti:** But yeah, that was kind of my story in a nutshell. Moving on.

**Crypto:** Awesome. Awesome awesome. All right, you wanna go next, Le?

**Icarus:** Yeah, I can go next. I guess Supernatural for me went like a really long way back. I used to work at a comic book store, which I loved, and probably almost everyone on the server knows by now. One of the girls there, who was just super cool, like the person that is as cool as you wish you were, she was like, “oh, have you watched this show, Supernatural? It’s got Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki.” I didn’t know Jared, but I’d watched Jensen in Dark Angel, and had a huge crush on him because he’s Jensen Ackles.

**Crypto:** Oh hell yes.

**Desti:** Oh my god, yes.

**Icarus:** So she’s like, “well you’ve gotta watch this.” So I think she lent me like the first four seasons on DVD. I watched that all in a really short amount of time. I remember I was living in a shared house at the time, with my ex and a high school friend. We were like eighteen or something. I’m watching it in the dark, and Season 1, with all the jump scares and like “aaaaaaahhh” it’s like so scary sometimes.

**Desti:** It was!

**Icarus:** It was just so funny, looking back. But anyway, we watched it in like no time whatsoever. She was the one who used to hook me up with the live episodes. So she’d like, when an episode dropped, she’d come in with a USB, and be like, “here it is, go home, watch it.” I think I watched up to like Season 5 with her, and then I left that workplace to go work at a lab, which is weird, but anyway. I kinda dropped it off, and then a couple years later, I was like, “oh wow, it’s still going.” And I picked it back up again, watched all the way to Season 8, and then dropped it off because I’m really lazy at watching one episode at a time. The series of drop-offs. And then, as I said, I was writing Sterek, and I was in circles. People talking about Supernatural, and it just kinda reignited my love for it. So I joined the server. I wasn’t really intending to catch up. Like, it’s a show that I enjoy, but I wasn’t gonna put any real effort into it. But when I joined the server, I kinda started rewatching. I watched like five seasons over the summer-- the Australian summer, anyway. And then I started catching up to where I’d been to before. I kind of got really apprehensive and scared again, of like… you know, new episodes can be scary. Thanks to some really cool people on the server, they kind of convinced me to keep going and to support me in watching it. It sounds really silly, but new shows can be scary sometimes. They’re not as comforting as old shows.

So the show has helped me to watch that, and the people in the fandom have helped me to watch that. The fandom though has been super helpful, and the fics that I’ve read are amazing. I relate a lot to some of the characters. I lost my mum quite young, and I kind of relate a lot to that feeling that Dean and Sam have of this person and this event that hangs over you, but that you can never really do anything about. It’s always there. So I really like exploring that in fics and finding that explored in fics, and finding how people deal with these things. It’s so great to see so many fics in Supernatural, as well, that are actually, that have a lot of depth. And there’s nothing wrong with fics that don’t have depth. Like, you can read a fic that’s just like porn without plot, or you can read a fic that is like, I just want to see a fluffy kiss or a happy engagement. But there’s a lot of fics in Supernatural that I find really go for that depth and range of emotion, and I think that’s something that will always pull me into them. And also, so many talented writers in Supernatural, oh my god. So, yeah, I love it here.

*(laughter)*

**Icarus:** That was like, deep. Sorry.

**Crypto:** It’s all good, it’s all good.

**Desti:** So, your turn, Crypto.

**Crypto:** All right. Well, I’ve had some trouble picking what story, because I’ve actually been in the fandom since the beginning. I caught the pilot when it aired. I was…

*(background gasping)*

**Crypto:** I was a senior in high school. Well, okay, I would’ve been a senior in high school, but I actually dropped out of high school. So I was not, but I would’ve been. My relationship with Supernatural is strange, and a lot like yours, Le, where it’s like on and off.

I started out in the very beginning, and I didn’t actually get into the fandom until Cas showed up. I had read, like… I’ve been in fandom my whole life, literally my whole life. I was reading and writing X-Files fanfiction at the age of six. Or, eh, seven, I think is when it started, and Twin Peaks a little before that. I’ve literally been in fandom forever, so there’s never a show that I don’t at least read a couple of fics here and there. But it was just kinda casual, like stuff that I’d see on my livejournal feed, my friends page, as it was back then. But then when Cas showed up, like, that fucking barn scene, y’all. I was like, oh, oh, actual sparks. Here we go. And then I was just like all in, like balls to the wall, full on.

*(laughter)*

**Crypto:** And I pretty much have been since. Like they were.

*(apologies for the continuing laughter)*

**Crypto:** But, yeah, I was pretty big into the early Destiel fandom on livejournal, doing the kinkmeme, and all that jazz. I used to follow all the gossip stuff from the sidelines, never participated, but I was really quiet in the fandom for a long time, until the tumblr fandom came about. Then I started participating. That’s kind of my history with the fandom in general, but what I want to talk about as far as being impacted by something, I think what I’m gonna talk about is *An Exercise In Worthless* by *beastofthesky,* which is my all time favorite DeanCas fic.

There’s a lot of fics out there that have impacted my life in ongoing, meaningful ways, but that fic actually changed how I think about myself as a person, and how I interact with the world around me. If you haven’t read the fic, you have to. It’s exceptional. It’s an AU. It’s about Dean as a tattoo artist, basically. The character of Dean in that had an incredibly profound impact on me. I have a tattoo on my body that is actually a tattoo that Dean had in that fic. I have it on my wrist where I can look at it literally every day. A lot of that fic is about Dean overcoming past trauma, and a lot of it is guilt, with trauma that he’s had in the past that makes him feel like he’s a bad person, which we know Dean struggles with in everything and in every way, canon and not. But the way that fic handled it just spoke to me. So, pretty much right after I finished reading it, I had had a pretty hard time with postpartum depression, and then kind of alcoholism right after that for a while. I kind of hit this rock bottom, and then I read that fic almost immediately after when I was going through a lot of really bad guilt. The postpartum depression just makes you feel like the worst person ever, because you’re like, oh I should be happy to have a baby, but I’m not. And then with falling into alcoholism with that, it was like I’m drinking all the time and ignoring my kids. I had stopped, by that point, but I was still like, I couldn’t even live on a day to day basis because I was so guilty over that rock bottom that I had hit. So I read this fic, and Dean was basically dealing with the exact same feelings that I was, and it just spoke to me. The way that his relationship with Sam and with Cas evolves through that fic, and the way that he finds this family, and that he finds forgiveness for himself. He moves on from it, but it’s not like perfect. I still think about it every day. So right after that, I just went out and got this fucking tattoo. And all the time, when I do something fucking stupid and I start dwelling in guilt again, I just look at it, and it kinda helps me to get past it.

And god, that was forever ago. That must’ve been like 2010. Actually, it was right after my daughter was born, so it was 2012.

**Desti:** Oh, wow.

**Crypto:** Yeah. So, I guess that’s my story.

**Desti:** Postpartum depression is no joke

**Crypto:** No joke, no joke.

**Desti:** Like, I would hit the blues, when I had my kid. I would have the blues between the hours of about 3 am to 6 am. It was in the summer, you know how the sky starts to turn blue, and you’re sitting there, and you’re feeding this kid, and you’re like “what is going on? What is happening? I have no idea. I’m so lost.” And that was just having the blues. So I can’t even imagine going through actual postpartum depression, and trying to find a way to deal with that.

**Crypto:** It’s pretty brutal. Especially when you don’t really realize that that’s what’s happening to you.

**Desti:** Yeah, exactly.

**Crypto:** I swear to god, like 99% of what got me… so, maybe 75% of what got me through it was literally fandom. When everything was so overwhelming that I couldn’t even think of anything outside this haze of panic and self-loathing, I would just sort of sink into a really good fic, and like ignore the world. It worked really well.

**Desti:** It’s a really good escape.

**Icarus:** I obviously don’t have experience with that because I am childless, but I can relate to that feeling a lot because this time last year, or a little bit earlier, I was going through the end of a relationship. Like, I knew-- it’s not the same-- but I knew it was a relationship that needed to end. It was getting to the point where my mental health was getting really bad, and not a happy place for me, in my brain, to the point where I just kind of didn’t want to exist anymore. I know that fandom and fanfics were my escape. It was when I started writing. It was when I started being a really active fan. Like, I could find fics that would help me through that, and I could find people. The very first people that I told that my partner and I broke up-broke up was someone in a discord chat. I literally… we had a chat, I went to a different room, I opened up the chat that I’d been-- my partner and I had a chat-- I opened up that chat that I’d been in just before the conversation, and I said, “Okay, so I just broke up with my partner of eleven years.” And that was like, they were so supportive, and were like, “are you okay?” And I am. I actually, now I am actually okay. I haven’t been okay for close to a year, but I’m okay now. I’m better now.

But they were people that supported me, even though they were on the other side of the world.

**Desti:** I think that’s the really cool thing about fandom, is that it opens you up to all these different people in different walks of life, and we’re all sort of connected by this one thing. You know, you think that it’s just another internet thing, but it really isn’t. The friendships that you make, sometimes I find that they’re a lot more honest than real life friends. I mean, I’m not saying real-life friends aren’t honest, and aren’t great. I mean, I have an awesome friend who literally showed up at my house a week after I had my baby, and she was like, “I don’t even need you to wear pants, I just need you to give me baby and go take a shower. You know, real life friends are great.

*(general awwing)*

**Desti:** She was so awesome. She’s like, I will come dance for you if you need somebody to cheer you up, just let me know. You know, she’s awesome. She’s moving to the other side of the country and I’m really sad, but I’ll go visit, and all that. Yeah, it sucks, but it is what it is, work and all. But you know the people that really sort of also kept me grounded through… because for me, having a kid was such a big life change, I’ve had my life before child. I’m turning 32 in July, so you know I’ve lived a life before having kids, and I know what that’s like, and then all of a sudden having a child was like holy shit, what have I done to myself? And I love him. I would not trade him for anything in the world, but oh my god.

The friends that I’ve made through fandom, some of them are moms, and they tell me to not worry about things. Some of them, because of the time zones, they’re online when I’m awake at three in the morning feeding my baby, so somebody’s talking with me about, you know, life will get better, the kid will grow up, and you’ll yell at them for other things, but don’t despair. And I think that was what the most important thing is, is having people who you’ve never even met in person, care about you, and tell you that things are going to be okay, at that very moment, when you have nobody, because your real life friends might be sleeping at three in the morning. Your spouse is sleeping at three in the morning. But there’s always somebody who’s in the fandom, who’s online, because they live in a different time zone, or whatever. And they can really be there for you very very immediately. And I think that’s made a really big difference on us as a generation. Because, you know, we also meet very different types of people. Before being on the internet, I’ve never met someone who might be trans, or someone who might be openly homosexual, or so and so. Because I’m from a very traditional Chinese family-- I’m Chinese, by the way, Chinese-Canadian-- so it’s really eye-opening to see these other people that are so different, yet they’re just the same. They’re just people, you know?

**Crypto:** Yeah, we’re kinda like all brought together by this intense, almost obsessive love we have for these two dumb assholes.

**Desti:** Right. And it’s given us so much more than just these two dumb assholes who will fall in love in a million and one ways.

**Crypto:** Yeah, it’s like a family.

**Desti:** Yeah, it is a family.

**Crypto:** A family in a million different places, with a million different interests and backgrounds, and it’s just fucking fantastic.

**Desti:** It is. And it’s so many people, like people you would never reach otherwise, and all of a sudden, we’re all here. And that’s why we’re here now, like literally sitting here in my parents’ bedroom so I can get away from my husband so nobody will interrupt me, so I can be here to talk with you guys. So yeah, it was really cool. I’m gonna stop rambling now, because that was a ramble.

*(laughter)*

**Icarus:** And something special. Something special that we share between us, between the whole group, between fandom. Even someone who just leaves one kudos on a story, or a like on tumblr, it’s still that connection that we have because of these two dumb assholes.

**Crypto:** Yes, these two dumb assholes that created a family. Absolutely.

**Icarus:** 100%.

**Crypto:** All right, we do have some amazing submissions. We put out a call for fandom stories. I don’t know, I’m sure all you guys saw it, and if not, you’re in for a treat. We got an amazing variety of submissions from people on the server, just people that found us on twitter randomly, people on tumblr who are members, not members. Everyone. We got some great stuff. It was nearly impossible, it almost killed us to choose between all of the submissions. So we kind of ended up picking almost randomly, because there was just so much wonderful stuff.

**Desti:** Yeah, it was hard. It was a lot of good stuff.

**Icarus:** There were so many good submissions, and so many submissions that weren’t picked, that we appreciate everybody who took the time to tell us their story, and know that we still read them and gave your submissions a little hug through the internet.

**Desti:** Last night, I was on chat with everyone, and I was like, \*gasps\* I can’t do this! This is, no, this is too difficult. I can’t do this, I can’t pick.

**Icarus:** There were so many good ones.

*(general consensus noises)*

**Crypto:** So, who wants to start?

**Desti:** You’re starting.

**Icarus:** Yeah, you start, Crypto.

**Crypto:** All right, so I’m gonna read, we have a submission here from Mittens. Mittensmorgul, I think it’s pronounced (tn: yes, that’s how it’s pronounced. :D but also \*gasps\* \*smiles awkwardly and tries not to listen while still typing\*). You guys, most of you guys probably know her. (tn: \*wibbles\*). She’s been a member of the server since the beginning, and I would say she’s a BNF (tn: \*falls off chair\*) So, big name fan. Her submission made me cry a little bit (tn: aww, sorry!), so here we go.

I think I can do it this time, because I’ve read it like four times. I think I’m past the tears.

**Icarus:** Good luck.

**Crypto:** So, she says,

“I think we all probably have stories about friends we've made or experiences we've shared because of this fandom, but I started watching this show at a time when I was resigning myself to the fact that I wasn't cut out to handle the publishing industry. I'd written eight original novels, pushed myself to seek representation, and eventually after a lot of introspection decided to turn down a publishing contract. Writing was what I did for my own mental health, and the reality of making it a "job" sort of... negated all the mental benefits for me.

When I came to the fandom, I'd never really read or been interested in fanfic. Of course I knew it existed, but I hadn't ever been involved in any fandom deep enough to seek it out. I hadn't written original fiction in more than two years when I discovered destiel fic, mostly due to the resignation and frustration of writing fiction that I knew nobody else would ever read.

But then Jenn (winjennster) was looking for writers to each write a chapter of a Valentine's Day fic, each from a different character's point of view. I volunteered to write the Cas chapter, thinking writing a few thousand words might be just the thing to help me get over the writer's block. (At this point, it had been more than three years since I'd written fiction, so this was a rather terrifying prospect.)

Once I started, I couldn't stop. The joy of writing returned, and because AO3 exists, I wasn't writing in a vacuum where my stories would go to die. Other people could read them, too.

Other people who cared about these characters as much as I do could read stories I wrote about them.

I have no idea how to express how profoundly this changed my life. Writing is once again the thing that keeps me stable. All the stress of writing for a commercial audience is gone, and I'm ALLOWED to write what makes me happy again. And it's all because of this fandom, and these characters, and this show.”

**Crypto:** I only got choked up a little bit at the end there, guys. I may have managed to do it.

**Icarus:** You handled it pretty well. Hats off.

**Desti:** That’s good, you did good.

**Crypto:** I just relate to that one so much. Like, so much. With me, it’s art, not writing, but I totally relate to it as a professional artist who does fan art. I just… okay, all right. Next one.

**Icarus:** I’m next, and I’m reading a submission from HaikuHamster, who is profoundlybonddean on tumblr and HaikuHamster on Twitter. And, here it is.

“I started watching Supernatural 7-8 years ago, back when I was just old enough to understand what was going on but not old enough to really carry 6 seasons of plot in my head. I rewatched it all later, learning more deeply about the characters, the subplots, the plot itself, my own feelings... I started to really relate to things. When I was 14 I was diagnosed with severe panic disorder. I’d always had panic attacks but they’d become more frequent, more intense, and debilitating. Usually, when people talk about how Supernatural helped them with their mental illness, it’s through AKF, other fans, etc. For me it was different. My biggest coping mechanism is distraction. When I felt anxious I would watch Supernatural, read a fic, look at fanart, whatever I could do to take my mind off the fear and anxiety. Through every trough, when I lost hope in all my other coping mechanisms, I’d always had something.

It’s honestly so strange to think about the fact that this fandom, this show, all that we’ve built, it’s all saved my ass more than once. I don’t think I’ll ever be part of something more awe-inspiring, something I take more pride in, than this fandom.”

*(all: awww)*

**Desti:** Right, they’re all so heartfelt that it’s, oh man.

**Icarus:** They’re so \*ungggg\* in my feels.

**Desti:** Right? Okay, I guess I’m next. So the one I’ve got is from Neonbat, or I call them “sillybat” sometimes on Discord, and I think they also go by neonbat666. So, here goes.

“I had shakey health growing up but was generally healthy. When I was seventeen I got sick, and my system just..crashed. It went NUTS. I was in and out of the hospital, tried to go to college, had to drop out, and it was awful. All my friends except one stopped talking to me because I was sick all the time and Doctors couldn't find out WHY, and most of my family thought I was a hypochondriac until I got diagnosed with a handful of long-ass syndromes and disorders that basically mean I will be sick all my life to some varying degree.

Anyway, I remember being around twenty(I'm almost twenty eight now), laying on the couch because that's literally all I could do that day because it was one of my very, very bad days. I had nothing else to do so I was channel suffering and grumbling through my nebulizer. I stumbled on a rerun of the first episode of Supernatural, and started watching it.

I watched a lot of TV because I could close my eyes and listen to it, whereas being on the computer made me really nauseated after a bit. I got hooked on Supernatural. I could still only watch little bits at a time without getting woozy from all the motion, but I watched about two episodes a day for a while. It meant a lot to me.

Seeing the boys struggle through everything, fighting, and just..pushing..It gave me a lot of hope and motivation. Especially Sam's arc. He always tried his best, even misguided, and it struck a chord with me. I NEEDED that inspiration because lord knows everything else sucked.

I got a tattoo of the anti-possession sigil and Castiel's wings as soon as my health allowed it. It says (of course) 'Non timebo mala'. But I also added 'Momento Vivera', and 'Momento Mori'. Remember to live, and remember we die (roughly). It's my fighter's tattoo. When I need the push to keep going, even when my body wants to phone it in, I have that tattoo on me and the boys in my head.

Thanks to Supernatural I've started writing more and have a career in mind now. I literally don't know where I would have ended up mentally or physically without it”

*(discussion of the pronunciation of the Latin)*

**Crypto:** All right, so this one is from our very own Uncelestiel, who is one of our staff members, actually. And here we go.

“Fanfic has been a part of my life for a long time. I was naturally drawn into it, and stuck like glue because wow! People really go OFF and write whatever they want, huh? And the stories could get to me in a way that books hadn't in a long time. Especially with Destiel. They were real, raw stories, written by real, raw people. That you could actually talk to(though it took me a much longer time to actually start talking and interacting with the wonders of fandom people)! I feel like no matter how scared I was, what horrors I was facing, there was a fic of my favorite characters facing just as much. Or maybe they were just comforting each other in a way that made me feel comforted as well? Or maybe they were having fun and taking me along? It made me feel like I wasn't alone. In particular with fics dealing with issues of sexuality and/or mental illness. Which have helped me come to terms with who I am. Just seeing characters I love go through similar things to me - or even being able to write them to. It's truly mind blowing to me how much of an impact it can make. The story I'll tell has to do with me accepting a part of myself.

In terms of sexuality, I consider myself gay. And I'm closeted in most circumstances. I have grown up in a place where I've heard that being gay is wrong and 'a choice' many times(sometimes by people I thought were my friends), and each has felt like a blow to the gut. Though I certainly don't have it as bad as many, and do have some support in members of my family that I am out to, I have always been terrified of coming out fully. Or of not having the perfect nuclear family and being judged for that. Mostly because I wouldn't know what I would have then.

I didn't have story books or movies written about my kind of love, about any same sex couples, when I was growing up. So I didn't even know if it was a loss on my part. Should I want a husband like the girls in these stories do? Would I never be healthy in a relationship because I don't? It put a weight on me that I didn't even know I had until I faced it myself and had to wonder all these things.

Feeling like I couldn't be who I am because I had a strong fear that I'd be rejected. Or that I wouldn't even get to have a romantic relationship because of who I'd want to have it with. It took a toll on me as a confused adolescent. However, seeing so many people write that struggle into their fanfic, over and over and over, watching it unfold in these two characters. Watching them accept the fact they like the same sex. Watching them be able to love each other despite it being two men and not a woman and a man, it has helped me become more comfortable with that part of who I am. It gave me perfectly normal people(as normal as Dean and Cas get okay) of the same sex in perfectly normal relationships, super loving relationships even, and I can't tell you how important that was to see as I came/come into adulthood. It has (okay this may be the cheesiest thing, but i'm a hopeless romantic okay). it has given me hope that I will find love one day. Even if it will look different than some people's love or ideas of love. Because hey, if those two dense idiots can get it right in like a million different stories, surely I will be able to too.”

*(all: awwww!)*

**Crypto:** It’s like the cutest shit I’ve ever read!

**Desti and Icarus:** Oh my gosh, okay.

**Crypto:** So, we love you.

**Desti:** Yes, yes we do.

**Icarus:** Aw. All right, okay, I’m good, I’m good.

**Crypto:** Do you need to go, like, punch something now?

**Icarus:** I need to go assert my manliness. I’m just gonna go chug a beer, okay? And like, I don’t know, crush the beer can with my head.

**Crypto:** Like, shotgun it?

**Icarus:** Yep, totally. All right, I have the next one, which is from an anonymous submitter, so thank you very much to you, whoever you are.

“When I started high school I didn’t know anyone and I was so afraid that I would never make any friends. I had just started watching Supernatural and I was hooked. Then I found out that another girl in my class watched Supernatural and we were at the same season and only a few episodes apart. Every week we talked about the episodes we had watched and grew closer and closer. She’s now my best friend of several years and I believe that Supernatural really helped bring us together and I will be forever thankful for it.”

That one was super short, but I thought it was such a good story about how people come together through this, and I just really love it, as well.

**Desti:** Absolutely.

**Crypto:** Yeah, it’s like a shorter, simple story, but that’s also one that I hear so much.

**Desti:** Right?

**Icarus:** I just love those stories.

**Desti:** I guess I’m up. So, this one is from casthewise. I believe they’re also on the server.

**Crypto:** Yep, she is.

**Desti:** Yes, yes, she is.

“I got into fandom a little more than ten years ago and haven't looked back. It's been my safehaven for years--where I go to relax, where I've gone to find help and support during bouts of depression, and how I have found some amazing people. I actually found one of my best friends through the SPN fandom three years ago, and now we're moving across the country together!

I think my wildest story about how fandom has affected my life is that fanfiction has become my field of study. From stories I would use as literary escapism, my love for it has grown and matured into something I hope to spend the rest of my life exploring and advocating for.”

*(a chorus of “I love it,” and “hell yes”)*

**Desti:** Absolutely. Like, the fact that fandom and fanfiction has made its way into academia is insane.

**Crypto:** It’s so amazing, so amazing.

**Icarus:** I love it so much. Like, as someone who has studied a lot, and I know we all have backgrounds where we’ve gone to college, university, and studied, it’s so great to see that it’s actually becoming a field now, and that people are recognizing it for what it is. Archive of Our Own is such a big part of that, as well, and so are all the fans.

**Desti:** Oh, absolutely.

I think there’s a book-- sorry to interrupt you, real quick-- I think there’s a book right now, I need to go find out the name again, my beta’s been reading, and it actually it’s articles about how fandom deals with changes in the fandom itself. Like, deals with changes in the source material, and she was sending me a couple of articles from this book, I need to find the name, and it’s been so fascinating to see these giant, phenomenal movements throughout different fandoms when they react to certain aspects of what happens in the show. It specifically talks about Supernatural. It’s got Teen Wolf, Hannibal, like a lot of the more familiar fandoms that are really big right now, so I’ll go find it, and maybe we’ll post the name of it somewhere for people that are interested in reading the more academic side of fandom and fanfic.

**Crypto:** Yeah, check out the twitter and the tumblr after the cast. Sometime over the next day, we’ll find the name of it and toss it up there for you guys.

**Desti:** I will try.

**Crypto:** If we can. All right, so the next one is, I really hope that I don’t butcher your name, and I’m very sorry if I do, I believe it’s pronounced Alzhis Nigel. It’s destiel-and-cockles-be-canon on tumblr, and @maeaurie on twitter. And they say their English sucks, but I’m skeptical. It’s not bad at all.

“This happened when I was 13 years old and the youngest inside my peers. I'm a bit curious about the "L" thing. And then one time they discussed about these stuffs so I asked one of my friend about it. But her answer didn't satisfy my curiosity.

Of course, I'm aware that this "L" thing showed in my parent's eyes when they look at each other... But at those times, I couldn't put a finger or understand it. I tried to write a short love story but there's this missing piece.

Not until I bumped in to Spn and baam destiel's anchor hit me hard. Really hard that I can't explain. The ship laid out the answers I've been looking for. The love of Dean and Cas for each other showed me the missing piece. And its one of the biggest reasons up until now I'm still breathing and keep fighting.

No matter what they said about this ship, Destiel is greatest love story in the history. Exaggeration set aside, but my life changed in a good, eye opener way.”

**Desti:** Aah, it’s like finding young love!

**Crypto:** It’s so cute!

**Desti:** It is, it’s so adorable.

**Icarus:** I don’t know what it says about me, and thank you very much for that submission, but the first time I read about finding about this “L” thing, I was like, “the LGBTQ thing?” And then I’m like, OH no, love! Love, love. That thing. That thing, too.

**Crypto:** Yeah, the first time I read through it, I was like, “lesbians?”

**Icarus:** Lesbians. Yeah, that’s, lesbian love.

**Desti:** I’m having Scott Pilgrim flashbacks.

**Crypto:** Can I be in lesbians with you?

**Icarus:** Same thing, really, I think. All right, I’m next. And this next submission is from Destielonfire. They’re destielonfire on tumblr and kaidanmono on twitter. Anyway, this is what they said:

“Through this fandom I learned about Random Acts and the amazing things that they are doing to make the world a better place. I had been thinking of volunteering for many years before I even got into the fandom, but I never really found anything that I thought would be a good fit with my personality, skillset and schedule. But then I learned about IMAlive, and how RA had a program that would sponsor your application and training if you applied via their website. And I knew it was a sign: this is something I wanted to do and could do. So I applied, was accepted into the training program and have been a crisis intervention responder since October 2017. It's been one of the most rewarding things I've ever done, and I'm so grateful for the opportunity. And it never would have happened if I didn't get so deeply involved in the fandom and met so many wonderful, warm-hearted, open-minded and multi-talented people from all over the world.”

I really love that.

**Desti:** Yeah, no, it’s great. It shows that just one little thing can change, like, your whole life.

**Crypto:** It’s so good.

**Icarus:** Yeah, it’s making such a difference to their life, and to other people’s lives, and yeah, just, much love to them.

**Crypto:** I also got into, through this fandom and GISHWHES, got into doing some stuff with Random Acts. Honestly, I’ve done a little bit of charity work here and there, but I probably wouldn’t still be doing it with how busy I am if I didn’t have the push from the fandom, and the constant reminder that there’s these amazing things going on. I only get the chance to do some of the smaller stuff. I don’t get to, like, go to other countries and do like the rebuilding stuff that they do, but the little volunteer opportunities that they put out, I’ve gotten to participate in some. If it wasn’t for the fandom, I wouldn’t even know about that.

**Desti:** Oh, absolutely.

**Icarus:** It’s so good

**Desti:** Even just like, especially with Random Acts, you don’t even have to, it doesn’t even have to be a big gesture. It just promotes you to do little things.

**Crypto:** Yeah, sometimes on their site, and on their twitter, they’ll put out little opportunities-- or at least they used to-- I think they still do. It’s been a while. And now I'm like damn — I need to look into that again.

**Desti:** It’s time to do good. So, I’m up, and the next one is from an Anonymous feedback. So, thanks for sending this in. It’s short and sweet.

“The supernatural fandom has helped me accept my sexuality as bisexual. They did this with their open discussions about sexuality and that helped me accept and embrace that part of me.”

**Crypto:** Dude, I have something to say about this one.

**Desti:** Yes, say it.

**Crypto:** This fandom, like one of the best things about fandom in general, but especially this little corner of the fandom that we have here on Profound Bond and Discord, this is literally the most sex-positive group of individuals I have ever, ever talked to. Like, we will talk about anything, and there’s never any judgment. People are like, “dude, I am into tentacles. I am into literal tentacles in my bed. I would love somebody, I want somebody to literally grow a tentacle dick and lay eggs inside of me.” And we’re like, right on! Right on! You fucking do it! Go out, and make your dreams come true.

**Icarus:** Whatever floats your boat.

**Crypto:** It’s amazing.

**Desti:** Ten years from now, like somebody actually invents egg-laying tentacle appendages that you can attach to yourself…

**Crypto:** Are we gonna get into the Bad Dragon talk already?

*(everyone oohs)*

**Crypto:** Because I’m certain that does exist.

**Icarus:** Not today.

**Desti:** Honestly, the only thing I want to add to the bisexuality thing is that I do find in a lot of places, and I don’t mean just the cis, straight community, if you can call it a community, but a lot of communities, they look at bisexuality as something that’s kind of strange and fringe and it isn’t legit, for lack of a better word. And I think in our little corner of fandom, I can’t speak for all of SPN, or all of even Destiel, but I think in our little corner here we’ve made it very clear that bisexuality is as legitimate as being straight or being gay or being demi or grey or anything, because you’re into what you’re into. Like Crypto said, if you want tentacles, you go get tentacles. If you want to have a girl and a boy in your bed, that’s up to you. It’s real, and it’s a legit thing, and I do love that we, as a community here, are so open to that.

**Crypto:** Yeah, I did go for the funny, extreme example. But, I mean, I myself am pan, and I mean, I think. I waver. Who knows? And, I mean, all of us, not all of us. We have members that have filled pretty much every single label that I’ve ever heard of. And I’m just like, fuck yeah, man. Fuck yeah.

**Desti:** I’ve learned some new labels that I never knew existed, and it is the coolest thing. Because you’re talking to the person, and they’re telling you what they are, versus learning about what this is and then trying to coin people into it, you know?

**Crypto:** Yeah, In the fandom community, and on our server, specifically, you just get these amazing first-hand experiences. So you actually get a better understanding. It’s wonderful. And I think fandom, in general, does that a lot. And we kind of cultivate a really positive environment for that here. At least, we try to.

**Desti:** We try to.

**Icarus:** We try to be a good place, also, well I think we do, in being somewhere where you can find resources about that, where you can find information. I know that people have heard me rant about certain things, but also we put resources up for link sharing so people can find out about these things in a place that’s judgment-free, and where, really we just want to support everyone else, and help them find the information they want or need, or help them find something that can help them come out to their parents. Whatever it is, we want to help you, and we want to support you, and that’s kind of what we try for here.

**Crypto:** All right, I think we probably have time for a couple more, and then we’re gonna do our wrap-up news, which is more news. Boo. The boring stuff. No, all right. So this one is from MsCaptainWinchester on tumblr, and she’s ronspigwidgeon on twitter.

“Fandom re-connected me with one of my best friends. She (we'll call her M) and I went to grade school together, but then she moved away Freshman year of high school (1999), and we lost touch except through Facebook even though we only live 45 minutes away from each other.

Cut to 2015. I went to my second ChiCon that fall. On the second day, I saw pictures from the con on M's Facebook feed and asked if she was at the same convention as me. It turned out she was! We met up and ended up talking until 3AM. We have been close friends ever since. We even went to ChiCon together in 2016 and 2017. And as someone who has never been good at keeping friends around for more than a year or two, having M in my life has completely changed it for the better. And it wouldn't have happened had I not gone to a Supernatural convention :)”

**Desti:** I love the smiley faces.

**Icarus:** I love that so much. I’m so happy that they reunited, and you know, happy!

**Desti:** Yeah. I really think the conventions-- I mean, yes you get to go meet the cast, and it’s really great-- but the conventions are really for making connections with your friends. Or making new friends. If anybody out there who’s thinking about going to a con by yourself, just go. Go on the facebook groups, find yourself a roommate, and just go. You will find the most friendliest people, and especially if you’re by yourself.

**Icarus:** Especially.

**Desti:** They will pull you into their little groups faster than you can say Dean Winchester. It’s the best feeling in the world. It really is.

**Icarus:** Yeah, if I see someone who does look like they might be alone, or they’re struggling, I know that I will go to them and be like, “hey, what are you interested in? What are you looking for? Are you looking for something? Can I help? Do you want to hang out? Do you want to go for a walk? Whatever.” And it’s because you just want to help everyone and be happy. Also I’m really guilty of just running up to random people and being like, “oh my god, you look amazing.” So, also that.

**Desti:** Oh, man, I’m so sad that you never got to see my Cas cosplay.

**Crypto:** Well, maybe you should post it on the twitter and the tumblr after this so everyone can see it.

**Icarus:** Agreed.

**Desti:** Oh my god. Uh, why not?

**Crypto:** All right, you’re gonna read one more, Le, and then we’ll get to the end stuff.

**Icarus:** Fantastic. So this one is from Andromytta, with a double “t” and not a “d” like you might think, just FYI.

“I met my platonic soulmate because of our shared love for Castiel and for Destiel.  We started writing fan fiction together, and she makes me a better writer.

My favorite story about our friendship, she isn't even in, funny enough. I had an opportunity to thank Misha for his portrayal of Cas, which led me to meet my platonic soulmate. He asked me about her, and when I started telling him how amazing she is, he said "I ship you two." So yeah, because of this fandom, my favorite actor, my hero, now ships me and one of the dearest people in my life.”

*(general noises of squee)*

**Crypto:** I’m like, dying.

**Icarus:** You all know I’m a huge fan of, like, your soulmate doesn’t have to be your partner, or your lover. They can be, but there are people that you kind of match with on all sorts of levels, and so this one just really spoke to me, especially, so I feel really lucky that I got to read it out. Because I love it. It’s great.

**Crypto:** Oh, yeah. Platonic soul mates are such a thing.

**Desti:** Yup.

**Crypto:** My best friend is literally like we share a soul. We’re the same fucking person, but I wouldn’t touch his weiner with a ten foot pole.

**Desti:** I’m just skimming the next one, and I kinda want to read it, because it’s so sweet.

**Crypto:** All right, all right, go ahead. Read it.

**Desti:** Last one. I promise, last one. So this is from SebastianScott, or Sebastian-scott on tumblr.

“Supernatural has really helped me come to terms with who I am as a person. The cast and the characters have really been extremely inspirational from day one, and if there's one thing I've learned, it's to always keep fighting. No matter what life throws at us, the best thing we can do is to stick together and never give up. And that we are not limited or forced to fit in. We are unique, because every individual, every single one of us out there is different, and that's what brings us together. I found the courage to come out as a gay ace transgender guy after I joined this fandom- something I never had the courage to do before.

I also made my first friends through this fandom, and they have been nothing but supportive and kind and a hell of a lot of fun to talk to.

So thank you, Supernatural. Thank you for everything you've done for all of us. Thank you so damn much. I love you guys!”

**Crypto:** Oh, man, we love you too.

**Desti:** I hope you’re listening, and we love you so much. That’s super amazing that you came into yourself. That’s awesome. That’s what we want. That’s what we want everybody to feel, you know?

**Icarus:** Yeah, thank you so much for writing in and sharing this with us, as well.

**Crypto:** Thank all of you guys who submitted. I wish we had time to get to more of them. If everyone is interested, we might reach out to the other people who submitted and included their name, and see if they’re cool with us maybe posting them on the blog over the next few days, because there’s so many great ones. It would be really good to share some more of them. But we’ve got to get to wrapping up now. We already went over by almost fifteen minutes, so.

**Desti:** Whoopsies.

**Icarus:** Well over.

**Crypto:** All right, so we’ve got some server news, which is actually fairly exciting, to me, personally. I’m just gonna do a little rundown of some of the server projects we’ve got going on. We have the DeanCas Classics Fic Club, which is my baby, it’s my baby. Over on the server we just wrapped up our May discussion, which was *All Things Shining* by *Askance* and *Standbyme*. The discussion was really interesting, and there was a pretty diverse reaction to the fic. A lot of us were rereading it, and it was interesting to see the different reactions from people reading for the first time, versus those that read it maybe when it was first published. I, myself had read it. I think this was maybe the fourth time that I’ve read it. It’s one of my favorites. Overall, we all agreed that it’s just this fucking gorgeous fic, with some of the most beautifully crafted original mythology in any fic out there. If you haven’t read it, we definitely recommend it wholeheartedly. Keep an eye on profoundrecs.tumblr.com. We’re gonna do a write up of it pretty soon here.

We just selected our selection for June, which is gonna be *Crossroads State*by *Mercy*; another one many of us are rereading. And I actually super-envy those of you who get to read it for the first time. I wish I could just remove it from my brain and get to experience it again for the first time, because it’s just one of the best fics ever written.

I’m really excited for the discussion of this one. It’s a fantastic fic. We’ll begin our discussion on the Discord server in the Classics Fic Club channel starting on June 15, so come join in with us there.

And remember you can check out Profound Bond server projects, such as the classics fic club, the Profound Robin, the PB Exchange, any of our fests, and of course, this podcast over on our wiki, which can be found at profoundbond.net/wiki. We also have an AO3 parent collection, which is ProfoundNetwork, all one word, which collects our various fic challenges.

So, I did just mention profoundrecs, which is one of our more exciting projects. It’ll be officially launching June 15. You can follow us at profoundrecs.tumblr.com, or profoundbond.net/profoundrecs. The project is being spearheaded by our tumblr gurus, Halzberry and JJ. spnhell is her tumblr name. But the recs will be written by the whole profoundbond.net mod team. We’ll be doing a weekly rec roundup, as well as a profoundnet member showcase. We’ll be doing a themed list every couple of weeks to show off certain tropes and tags. We’ll be answering asks, we’ll be doing a detailed rec of classics, challenge round-ups, a whole bunch of stuff. It’s fantastic, so make sure you go and follow us there.

So, in honor of our first episode, and the upcoming ten year anniversary of Destiel, we’d like to include a poll for you guys. We want to ask you guys what your favorite Dean/Cas scene was. We wanted to ask in general, what was your favorite Dean/Cas scene ever, but then we realized it would be impossible to narrow it down for a poll, so we’re just asking what is your favorite Dean/Cas scene from Season 4. What early scene did you love? What onscreen interaction between our boys first pinged your shipping radar? We’ll be posting the poll on twitter and tumblr at the end of the show, so make sure you let us know. Give us like a half an hour, because I’m not gonna lie. Just give us like 30 minutes. We’ll get that up there.

We’ll announce the results and discuss them on our next episode.

So, all right, thank you guys for tuning in. Next time we’ll be talking about tropes-- common ones, our favorite ones, the origins, the fluffy, the angsty, and the weird. What does “Canadian shack” really entail? Why can we read 200 fake boyfriend fics and never get tired of them. Why was there only one bed?

Tune in to our second episode on Friday, July 13. The time is still to be determined. We’ll keep y’all updated via tumblr, twitter, and the discord until then.

Thanks to all our ProfoundCast staff who’ve made this possible:

* Our Content Team: Lead Content Editor - Icarusinflight, and Assistant Content Editors: RavensCat, Uncelestial, and pavidcas
* Our Sound Editors: Lead Editor - Zaffre, and Assistant Sound Editor - Maskofcognito
* Our Transcriptionists: Mittens, and SpaceMatriarchy
* Our Social Media Liaisons: JessJesstheBest, and thatpeculiarone
* And our Hosts: Myself - Crypto, Icarusinflight, and Destimushi
* Special thanks to: Hartless, OsirisApollo, FoxyMoley, Halzbarry, Spnhell, and saltnhalo.
* And a special big thanks to envydean and jimminovak for their amazing graphics work on the profoundcast social media banner

Please check out our staff page on the wiki for the full staff list and links to all of our social medias.

And that’s it! So, we’ll see you guys next time. Thanks for tuning in! Bye!