Journalist Roundtable with Alex Press

https://www.patreon.com/globehell

*Note: This is World Wide Wiki, meaning the content of the pay-to-play Patreon episodes is considered free and fair for public use.*

## Episode Summary

A brief break from our usual B.S., with some topical discussion with Jacobing's Alex Press. We discuss socialism,  Communism, what is Journalism and more! How to be the best journalist you can be and not to give up on the hunt for a scoop...https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1272878/?ref=fn\_al\_tt\_2

## Notable Events

* This episode involved a Journalist Roundtable with three journalists: Josiah Hughes of Exclaim! Magazine, Drew who has written about WandaVision and Zack Snyder, and world renowned journalist Alex Press.
* Jacobe Hell Warning
* Josiah, Alex Press, and Drew watched a video called "Journalist drummers tell their favorite drummer jokes" about three journalist drummers talking about the tradition of drummer jokes. The jokes were as follows:
	+ What do you call a guy who hangs around musicians? A drummer.
	+ If there's five guys in the band and there's bass players and guitar players, the percussionist's just kind of like the, I wouldn't say an outcast, but he's the - the odd guy out. Much like a photographer in a newsroom.
	+ I think maybe it goes back to the fact that the one guy in the band that always had a supply of uh marijuana was the drummer, so if you're always baked, it's not only gonna affect your timing, it's gonna affect your mental uh your men- mental acuity.
	+ I believe drummer jokes were born out of the bass playing community, because if you look at a bass player, you recognize from day 1, they're all failed guitar players. They receive a guitar when they were a young child and they see the six strings, they're baffled, so they need to go down to four. They know that the guitar player can replace them at any moment and so out of this, they make drummer jokes to make themselves feel better about themselves.
	+ If you just take any, if you take your phone out right now and Google 'drummer jokes', there will be a million of them that pop up on your phone, seriously.
	+ Have you heard the one about the drummer who is so depressed by his band members constantly ragging him about his poor timing that he threw himself behind the bus?
	+ I kind of resent this, but all right. There's five guys in a band, there's four musicians and a drummer.
	+ What's the difference between a large pizza and a drummer? The large pizza can feed a family of three.
	+ How do you know that the stage is level? The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.
	+ So when I was a kid, I asked my parents for a set of drums for Christmas and they said, 'Why do you want drums?' and I said, 'Well when I grow up I wanna be a professional drummer,' and they said, 'Well you can't do both,'.
	+ How do you get a drummer off your doorstep? You pay him for the pizza.
	+ What do you call a drummer without a partner in life? Homeless.
	+ I don't know any bass player jokes, but I know a lot of bass players and they're all jokes.
* Alex Press got offended by the last bass player joke because her mom is a bass player so she left the episode at the 7 minute mark.
* Josiah, Alex Press, and Drew talked about the 'party like a journalist' hashtag.
* Josiah, Alex Press, and Drew watched a video called "Tunguska the Russian Roswell" about Russia and some of the things that went on there during the communism years.
* Josiah, Alex Press, and Drew discussed the Stillman family in relation to the 2018 film *Time Freak*.
* Josiah, Alex Press, and Drew watched a video called "UFO sighting - Calgary, Canada - September 2020" about a UFO seen over Calgary in 2020.
* Josiah, Alex Press, and Drew watched a video called "Did The Soviet Union Discover Aliens In The Deepest Lake In The World? | UFOs: The Lost Evidence" about seven Russian divers who explored the world's deepest freshwater lake on a research mission but 50 meters underwater, strange humanoid creatures appeared and in an attempt to capture one of them, all the divers were pushed up to the top by an unknown force.
* Josiah, Alex Press, and Drew discussed Alex Press's acting credits, which include playing Steven Lawler in *Street Survivors: The True Story of the Lynyrd Skynyrd Plane Crash*, Stew in *Da' Wild Boyz of Kilco*, Luther in *The Chop Shop*, Bathroom & Party Extra in *SEXDOTCOM*, and many more.
* Josiah, Alex Press, and Drew discussed Matt Groening's nasty feet as well as Steven Tyler's nasty feet.

## Notable Quotes

### Josiah

* "I don't believe that journalists make frie-- I don't think -- you uh -- I don't think you should befriend your subject."
* "You know, I thought we were gonna talk about FFOIP requests, FOIA requests, and uh the ink uh hitting the page, and em dashes, and so I thought, you know, I actually wanted to start with some levity for journalists, so I thought we could maybe share some of our favorite journalist jokes before we get started."
* "I don't want a journalist to be a good drummer because that's a sign that they're a bad journalist."
* "I'm sure Alex is bad at everything."
* [In response to Alex Press saying she's bad at everything, including journalism] "Well now that's a good journalist joke and that -- you should have hit a drum at that point."
* [In response to Alex Press leaving the episode at the 7 minute mark] "Honestly, you lasted longer than I expected."
* [On the topic of Siberia] "Hey Drew! That's what I do on Fridays: I beer ya. Party like a journalist."
* [On the topic of Italy] "Tom DeLonge goes to Italy in the last episode of his alien show as well."
* [On the topic of Drew being less distinguished than Alex Press] "I mean, you're also full of shit and stupid but OK."
* [In response to the narrator of the video 'Tunguska the Russian Roswell' saying 'unusual clowns'] " 'Unusual clowns'! Talking about Drew!"
* [In response to Drew telling him not to automatically discount a claim] "I have to! I have to be -- I have to assume guilty til proven innocent! Guilty til proven innocent!"
* [In response to Drew saying there's tons of recordings of ghosts] "Yeah, you. Yeah, it's called your stream. You're a ghost. You're Canada's ghost."
* "Say your last name and show me your bare feet and tell me: do you believe in aliens?"
* [On the topic of Stalin being an alien] "Well definitely the other guy's name was Alien- Alienin - Ali- what was his name? Lenin? So Alenin."
* "Do you think aliens are leftist? Cause that's kind of what we are trying to angle this show as so we can get lots of Patreon money."
* "I just heard her talk about something to do with you, Drew! She said, 'an odd-shaped rod piece.' "
* "\*Ahem\* I'm gonna be honest with you both about what happened. Before we started, I lit a \*ahem\* incense cone, and then I'm supposed to leave it for like 30 seconds and then \*ahem\* and then blow it out so it spreads better, and I tried to blow it out and it wouldn't blow out and so I blew it way too hard and got like a face full of old incense ash. And it went in my eyes and it must have gone into my throat as well, so... \*cough cough\* I'm trippin on incense right now."
* "I started snorting incense ash."
* [In response to Drew saying there's a lot of pictures of aliens] "Yeah in your selfies tab. Uh fol-- your selfies folder."
* [In response to Drew saying Nate Ruess is not a journalist] "You don't think Nate is a journalist? Spreading messages of hope and truth via the medium of song? Using his *The Voice* to spread a message?"
* [In response to his dear friend and longtime co-host Drew mentioning Josiah's friendship with James Franco] "Well, I mean, he's as good a friend as I would say you are, so..."
* [In response to Alex Press saying they've cut down on classifieds in favor of more quotes from the police] "Well that's good cause classif-- you know, the word 'classified' suggests kind of a lack of transparency and so getting quotes from the police is kind of more transparency."
* [In response to Drew saying it's called the classifieds because it's where you get the classy finds] "I'm pretty sure the things you're looking for on there are not classy whatsoever, my friend. Searching for 'nasty used mattresses' is what Drew searches for. He told me he wants to marry a stained mattress and he's waiting for the laws to change so that he can have a mattress wife."
* "You told me you want a mattress mistress! You told me that you want a mistress mattress!"
* [On the topic of Harry Potter] "Alex, are you a House Smlither- Smitheri- are you House Sm- are you a House Smlillerin?"
* [In response to Drew saying 'The Stillman sisters are a trio of evil witches'] "You've just wrote this. I heard you typing! Play back the tape, Drew was typing! And journalists can hear which keys you're tap-- you can hear the intonation of each key, and I know that you typed what you just read. It's like how you can tell what number someone's dialing from the tone."
* [On the topic of the UFO over Calgary in 2020 that Drew says he missed] "Wait, hang on! Enhance! Wait, I'm z-- I'm zooming in. Enhance! I can see Drew in the window! Enhance! What are you looking at in the -- why are you rocking back and forth in your chair? Enhance! Oh my God, Dr- I can't belie- they're not allowed to show that on YouTube! Enhance! Oh my God, Drew, the mattress again?"
* "Is there talking -- hang on! Hold up! Shut up! Is there talking in this? Wait, shut up! I wanna hear this. Just shut -- just shut the fuck up! Cause I was listening to you! Big mistake. I wanna hear what they're sayin'."
* "Oh bababy take this take this, Oh bababy take this take this, Oh bababy take this take this, Oh bababy take this take this."
* "That's I think a -- I mean, Alex doesn't know this but that is kind of a Calgary saying, when something happens. When something exciting happens, you say, 'Oh bababy take this take this.' "
* "Is Russia real?"
* "Imagine if a UFO was a vinyl record and it had The Black Keys on it."
* [On the topic of black redacted bars in secret documents] "If you get good enough as a journalist, you get given glasses that can read through the black bars."
* [On the topic of cartoons] "I love cartoons! *Rick & Morny*."
* "I was enjoying our conversation when Jeffrey insisted that I give Matt a foot massage throughout the duration of the short flight. I never turned down a client but when I saw the shape of his feet, I nearly threw up at the thought of having to touch them. He had yellow crusty toenails that even someone with a chainsaw would've had trouble cutting through and then there was the fluffy balls of leftover pieces of sock wedged between the crevices of his sweaty toes. Now that was the real icing on the cake for me. No way could I attempt this, I thought. Then I had an idea. I went to the back of the plane and rinsed a washcloth in warm soapy water and returned for his dreaded foot massage but not before attempting to clean them first. And he sketched Homer and Bart!"
* "Can you tell people that we're sort of the new voice of dirtbag leftist?"
* [In response to Alex Press specifying that they're the new voice of dirtbag leftist *in Canada*] "Well, I think it's global. Globe Hell. I think it's Globe Hell."

### Drew

* "When I was putting together this lineup, this three journalists lineup, it made me think of the movie uh *2 Guns* uh cause with two guns and then there's three journalists."
* [In response to Alex Press's question about whether he and Josiah are drummers] "Yeah this is a drumming podcast."
* [In response to Alex Press leaving the episode at the 7 minute mark] "Yeah most of our guests are done by now. It's just me and Josiah finishing up the episodes."
* "Well uh Alex, is it true that you're a communist?"
* [Reading the subtitles of the video 'Tunguska the Russian Roswell'] "It says Josiah's a liar, he was born in 1908."
* [In response to Josiah saying Drew is a ghost and his stream is a ghost and he's Canada's ghost] "How -- how is that a -- that doesn't even make any sense, Josiah. How am I a ghost? You're just being insulting."
* [On the topic of Lenin being an alien] "It was Vladimir Ali-- Vladimir Alien?"
* [In response to Josiah saying Mark Wahlberg completed a racist hate crime when he was younger] "Yeah, that was a long time ago, Josiah."
* [In response to Josiah saying 'selfies tab'] "It's called the media tab, you fucking idiot."
* "Tesla. Is that Elon Musk's dad?"
* "Yeah, shut the fuck up, Josiah, I'm trying to talk!"
* "I still have our scores from last night open, Josiah. The scores from your tests. That's just for the listeners."
	+ Note: Drew is likely referencing Josiah's personality test scores from Episode 42: GOLD! that went into determining his hidden talents. If so, Drew's comment suggests that this Patreon episode was recorded on April 21, 2021; which was 9 days before its release.
* [On the topic of Josiah's friendship with James Franco] "Your old pal, James."
* [On the topic of Josiah's friendship with James Franco] "Somehow that picture of Josiah and James Franco's scrubbed from the internet. I know it exists!"
* [In response to Josiah saying the word 'classified' suggests a lack of transparency] "Well that's not true. That's not true at all, Josiah. It's called the classifieds because it's where you get the classy finds."
* [On the topic of taking a stained mattress for a bride] "Look, we all choose to live our lives, you know, the way we -- the way we -- the way we -- the way we want to, and things make us happy, and whatever. It's not a big deal if w-- uh to me if I want to marry a mattress."
* [In response to Josiah calling his mattress a 'mattress mistress'] "Don't talk -- don't talk about -- don't talk about my mattress like that! Do you understand? I'll bop you on the nose, if I hear you talking about --"
* [In response to Josiah saying his Harry Potter House is Speaker Of The House] "I wish you would be the shut upper of the house."
* "Oh bababy take this take this."
* [On the topic of Matt Groening] "Have we seen his feet?"
* "Are you still recording, Josiah?"

### Alex Press

* "This is really loud music."
* [On the topic of the film *2 Guns*] "I have a friend who robs banks, so I was just telling Drew about this, so this movie is like my life."
* "I don't have any friends and it's because of like uh professional reasons."
* [In response to Josiah's question about whether she believes in aliens] "Not really, but I'm open to it. I do think I saw a UFO but my perspective was like yours, which is I don't know what's going on ever, so... it's not a big deal."
* [In response to Josiah's question about whether there have been aliens in Calgary] "Yeah: Drew."
* [In response to Josiah and Drew talking about Nate Ruess] "Why did we bring Nate up? I hate when people bring Nate up."
* "Have you guy-- have you seen Elon Musk's Twitter? He's pretty funny."
* [In response to Drew saying 'The Stillman sisters are a trio of evil witches'] "Which is sexist, by the way, Drew."
* [On the topic of Matt Groening's feet] "Have you Googled for -- have you done journalism trying to find photos of his feet?"
* "I couldn't really follow anything we watched."

## Trivia

* This episode was released on the same day as Globe Hell Cameo The Movie.
* This episode marks the first time that Globe Hell Warning has had a guest who is not a man, at 339 days since the premiere episode.
	+ Note: Only men have been the guests on main episodes of the show as of this point.
* Alex Press is the second person named Alex to be a guest on the show, after Alex from *It's a Beautiful Day in the Gulch*, who appeared in the Patreon episode Its Beautiful Day in Globehell AKA the Toilet Tapes PT 1.