Only Villains Do That

Art By D. D. Webb

***Only Villains Do That*** is an action, adventure, fantasy webnovel created and written by Webbonomicon and cover art by D. D. Webb.

## Synopsis

> While waiting on an Akihabara train platform one day, ordinary high schooler Yoshi Shinonome was suddenly plucked from his normal life in Japan and whisked away by a beautiful goddess to Ephemera, a world of magic and adventure, to serve as her Hero and drive back the evil Dark Lord.
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> This is not his story.
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> Standing nearby at the moment Yoshi was isekai'd was a man named Seiji - a rude, cranky, misanthropic musician who was not at all pleased to find himself also snatched up and transported to Ephemera by the goddess's wicked sister, Virya.  According to this self-proclaimed Goddess of Evil, the whole fantasy adventure thing was a game she and her sister played to stave off the boredom of immortality, and since the good goddess, Sanora, had picked her Hero...well, Virya needed a Dark Lord.
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> A grown man with his own career and ambitions, Seiji has no interest in playing.  Unfortunately for him, the call to adventure was not a request.  Now, he must conquer Ephemera and defeat the Hero...or Virya promises to make him beg for the release of death before granting it.  Playing along for his own survival, Seiji nonetheless is under no illusions who his true enemy is, and it's not the naive young would-be Hero from his own world.
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> Placed in an impossible position, Seiji must make enough progress toward world domination to keep his sadistic patron goddess off his back, but not so much that he can't strike an accord with the forces of Good and convince the Hero Yoshi that it's the goddesses who are their mutual enemy.  Forced to embrace Evil without being *too* evil, Seiji walks the razor's edge, building his forces and biding his time till he can get revenge on the goddesses and be free of them, his only certainty that he will not be getting out of this with his hands clean.
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> A Dark Lord's gotta do what a Dark Lord's gotta do.
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> Official Synopsis

## Chapters

### Book 1

1.1 In Which the Dark Lord **Technically Doesn't Push a Girl in Front of a Train**

1.2 In Which the Dark Lord **Bends Over Backwards**

1.3 In Which the Dark Lord **has the Run of the Place**

1.4 In Which the Dark Lord **Lets His Little Light Shine**

1.5 In Which the Dark Lord's **Home is His Castle**

1.6 In Which the Dark Lord **Meets the Gang**

1.7 In Which the Dark Lord **Takes a Walk in the Woods**

1.8 In Which the Dark Lord **Goes to Town**

1.9 In Which the Dark Lord **Makes a Friend**

1.10 In Which the Dark Lord **Immediately Unmakes a Friend**

1.11 In Which the Dark Lord **Dresses for the Part**

1.12 In Which the Dark Lord **Takes a Level in Bard**

Bonus 1 In Which the **Paladin Gets the Party Started**

1.13 In Which the Dark Lord **Experiences the Horror of Self-Awareness**

1.14 In Which the Dark Lord **Plans Ahead**

1.15 In Which the Dark Lord **is Responsible for a Workplace Safety Violation**

1.16 In Which the Dark Lord **Gets Down to Business**

1.17 In Which the Dark Lord **Plays with Fire**

1.18 In Which the Dark Lord **Meets his Match**

1.19 In Which the Dark Lord **is Brought to Justice**

1.20 In Which the Dark Lord **Brings Refreshments**

1.21 In Which the Dark Lord **Ministers to the Poor**

1.22 In Which the Dark Lord **Pets the Dog**

1.23 In Which the Dark Lord **Wheels and Deals**

1.24 In Which the Dark Lord **Gets Cooking**

1.25 In Which the Dark Lord **Unilaterally Declares Naptime**

1.26 In Which the Dark Lord **Gets Hot and Steamy with Aster**

1.27 In Which the Dark Lord **Almost Makes a Spectacle of Himself**

1.28 In Which the Dark Lord **Chews the Scenery**

1.29 In Which the Dark Lord **Gets Played**

1.30 In Which the Dark Lord **Takes the Kids to the Park**

1.31 In Which the Dark Lord **Passes the Time**

1.32 In Which the Dark Lord **Lights Up the Town**

1.33 In Which the Dark Lord **Hangs Out with the Boys**

1.34 In Which the Dark Lord **Attempts to Civilize the Natives**

1.35 In Which the Dark Lord **Stews in His Own Juices**

1.36 In Which the Dark Lord **Gets Cornered**

1.37 In Which the Dark Lord **Brings Down the House**

1.38 In Which the Dark Lord **Repaints a Barn**

1.39 In Which the Dark Lord **has Breakfast at Dusk**

1.40 In Which the Dark Lord **Baits the Hook**

1.41 In Which the Dark Lord **Pokes the Bear**

1.42 In Which the Dark Lord **Hunts for More Bears to Poke**

1.43 In Which the Dark Lord **Takes Responsibility for Once**

1.44 In Which the Dark Lord **Needs a Nap**

1.45 In Which the Dark Lord **Sends a Message**

1.46 In Which the Dark Lord **Lets the Hate Flow Through Him**

1.47 In Which the Dark Lord **Breaks and Enters and Breaks**

1.48 In Which the Dark Lord **Takes a Leap of Faith**

1.49 In Which the Dark Lord **Shows a Lady a Good Time**

1.50 In Which the Dark Lord **is Just Getting Started**

### Book 2

2.1 In Which the Dark Lord **Gazes Into the Abyss**

2.2 In Which the Dark Lord **Makes it Rain**

2.3 In Which the Dark Lord **Plays to a Captive Audience**

2.4 In Which the Dark Lord **Passes Judgment**

2.5 In Which the Dark Lord **gets the Lay of the Land**

2.6 In Which the Dark Lord **Outsmarts Himself and No One is Surprised**

2.7 In Which the Dark Lord **Has a Brilliant Idea**

2.8 In Which the Dark Lord **Avoids at Least One Cliche**

2.9 In Which the Dark Lord **Almost Gets Away With It**

2.10 In Which the Dark Lord **Tries Something He Saw in a Movie Once**

2.11 In Which the Dark Lord **is Adopted by a Pack of Feral Noblewomen**

2.12 In Which the Dark Lord **Uses Someone's Tragic Backstory as a Sleep Aid**

2.13 In Which the Dark Lord **Learns About Unintended Consequences**

2.14 In Which the Dark Lord **is the Lesser Evil**

2.15 In Which the Dark Lord **Realizes His Mistake**

2.16 In Which the Dark Lord **Suffers the Little Children**

2.17 In Which the Dark Lord **Closes In**

2.18 In Which the Dark Lord **Seizes the Means of Abduction**

2.19 In Which the Dark Lord **Spreads it Around**

2.20 In Which the Dark Lord **Confronts the Face of Evil**

2.21 In Which the Dark Lord **Has His Work Cut Out for Him**

2.22 In Which the Dark Lord **Lays Down the Law**

2.23 In Which the Dark Lord **Does Not Bring Home the Bacon**

2.24 In Which the Dark Lord **Gets to Know the Neighbors**

2.25 In Which the Dark Lord **Comes to Dinner**

2.26 In Which the Dark Lord **Spills the Tea**

2.27 In Which the Dark Lord **Goes Visiting**

2.28 In Which the Dark Lord **Enrolls Some Nobles in the School of Hard Knocks**

2.29 In Which the Dark Lord **Rages Against the Machine**

2.30 In Which the Dark Lord **Gets His Hands Dirty**

2.31 In Which the Dark Lord **Battens Down the Hatches**

2.32 In Which the Dark Lord **Gets Cut Down to Size**

2.33 In Which the Dark Lord **Realizes He Should Dial it Back and then Doesn't**

2.34 In Which the Dark Lord **Has Questions**

2.35 In Which the Dark Lord **Speaks Softly**

2.36 In Which the Dark Lord **Carries a Big Stick**

2.37 In Which the Dark Lord **Catches Up on the Gossip**

2.38 In Which the Dark Lord **Leaves an Offering**

2.39 In Which the Dark Lord **Gets Some Help**

2.40 In Which the Dark Lord **Destroys**

2.41 In Which the Dark Lord **Puts His Foot Down**

2.42 In Which the Dark Lord **Gives Peace a Chance**

2.43 In Which the Dark Lord **Catches a Break**

2.44 In Which the Dark Lord **Loses Patience**

2.45 In Which the Dark Lord **Wears the Pants in the Relationship**

Coda: In Which the Call is Heard

### Book 3

3.1 In Which the Dark Lord **Steps in It**

3.2 In Which the Dark Lord **Descends**

3.3 In Which the Dark Lord **Has an Idea. An Awful Idea. The Dark Lord Has a Wonderful, Awful Idea**

3.4 In Which the Dark Lord **Finds His Sparkle**

3.5 In Which the Dark Lord **Helps**

3.6 In Which the Dark Lord **Makes the Call**

3.7 In Which the Dark Lord **Cleans Up**

3.8 In Which the Dark Lord **Gets Taken for a Ride**

3.9 In Which the Dark Lord **Shakes on It**

3.10 In Which the Dark Lord **Keeps the Peace**

3.11 In Which the Dark Lord **Gets the Bad News**

3.12 In Which the Dark Lord **Gets No Respect**

3.13 In Which the Dark Lord **Bends the Knee**

3.14 In Which the Dark Lord **Does the Right Thing, Sort Of**

3.15 In Which the Dark Lord **Presses the Big Red Button**

3.16 In Which the Dark Lord **Gets a Second Opinion**

3.17 In Which the Dark Lord **Will Cross that Bridge When He Comes to It**

3.18 In Which the Dark Lord **Comes to the Bridge and Blows it Up**

Bonus 9 In Which the **Scout Commences Counter-Revolutionary Activities**

3.19 In Which the Dark Lord **Lays it All Out**

3.20 In Which the Dark Lord **Rethinks His Position**

3.21 In Which the Dark Lord **Confronts His Nemesis**

3.22 In Which the Dark Lord **Gets a Warm Welcome**

3.23 In Which the Dark Lord **is Too Late**

3.24 In Which the Dark Lord **Gets Schooled**

3.25 In Which the Dark Lord's **Personnel Decisions Come Under Scrutiny**

3.26 In Which the Dark Lord **Receives a Delivery**

3.27 In Which the Dark Lord **Tries Diplomacy**

3.28 In Which the Dark Lord **Signs Up for Disaster**

3.29 In Which the Dark Lord **Unburdens Himself**

Bonus 11 In Which the **Boss Leans In**

3.30 In Which the Dark Lord **Goes to Hell and Gets a Souvenir**

Bonus 12 In Which the **Party Greets the Guest of Honor**

3.31 In Which the Dark Lord **Almost Wins**

3.32 In Which the Dark Lord **Yields**

3.33 In Which the Dark Lord **Takes Over**

3.34 In Which the Dark Lord **Plays Queenmaker**

### Book 4

4.1 In Which the Dark Lord **Actually Does RPG Stuff for a Change**

4.2 In Which the Dark Lord **Musters his Forces**

4.3 In Which the Dark Lord **Herds Cats**

4.4 In Which the Dark Lord **Hosts**

4.5 In Which the Dark Lord **Throws Them a Bone**

4.6 In Which the Dark Lord **Lays Down the Law**

4.7 In Which the Dark Lord **Isn't Even the Most Dramatic Person in the Room**

4.8 In Which the Dark Lord **Gets a Handout**

4.9 In Which the Dark Lord **Threads the Needle**

4.10 In Which the Dark Lord **Catches Up**

4.11 In Which the Dark Lord **Ruins a Party**

4.12 In Which the Dark Lord **is Off to the Races**

4.13 In Which the Dark Lord **Makes a House Call**

4.14 In Which the Dark Lord **Feels a Chill Run Down His Spine**

4.15 In Which the Dark Lord **is Thwarted**

4.16 In Which the Dark Lord **Gets Told**

Bonus 13 In Which **a Queen Wields a Blade**

4.17 In Which the Dark Lord's **Good Mood is Spoiled**

4.18 In Which the Dark Lord **Gets His Way**

4.19 In Which the Dark Lord **Tells the Truth**

4.20 In Which the Dark Lord **Knows Who's Been Naughty or Nice**

4.21 In Which the Dark Lord **Makes His Case**

4.22 In Which the Dark Lord's **Expertise Comes in Handy**

4.23 In Which the Dark Lord **Sponsors a Team-Building Activity**

4.24 In Which the Dark Lord **Has His Ups and Downs**

4.25 In Which the Dark Lord **Intrudes**

4.26 In Which the Dark Lord **Terrorizes the Help**

4.27 In Which the Dark Lord **Falls For It**

4.28 In Which the Dark Lord **Finds a Familiar Face**

4.29 In Which the Dark Lord **Deals in Absolutes**

4.30 In Which the Dark Lord **Has Had Enough**

4.31 In Which the Dark Lord **Finds a Weak Spot**

4.32 In Which the Dark Lord **Receives an Invitation**

4.33 In Which the Dark Lord **Keeps Up with the Aelthwyns**

4.34 In Which the Dark Lord **Hurts Some Feelings**

4.35 In Which the Dark Lord **Barks Up the Right Tree**

4.36 In Which the Dark Lord **Weaves a Tangled Web**

4.37 In Which the Dark Lord **Has Issues with the Women in His Life**

4.38 In Which the Dark Lord **Sets Up His Pieces**

4.39 In Which the Dark Lord **Reflects on the Eve of Battle**

4.40 In Which the Dark Lord **Returns**

4.41 In Which the Dark Lord **Comes Back With a Warrant**

4.42 In Which the Dark Lord **Courts Death**

4.43 In Which the Dark Lord **Doesn't Make the Rules**

4.44 In Which the Dark Lord **Doesn't Get to Be the Center of Attention**

4.45 In Which the Dark Lord's **Plans Go Awry**

4.46 In Which the Dark Lord **Sends Other People's Plans Awry**

4.47 In Which the Dark Lord **Calls Upon the Goddess**

TBA

### Bonus Chapters

Bonus 1 In Which the **Paladin Gets the Party Started** (After 1.12)

Bonus 2 In Which the **Hero's Harem Go to Bible Study**

Bonus 3 In Which the **Broker Plays Both Ends Against the Middle**

Bonus 4 In Which the **Emperor Speaks to the Dead**

Bonus 5 In Which the **Hero Falls**

Bonus 6 In Which the **Ranger Springs a Trap**

Bonus 7 In Which the **Chancellor Schemes**

Bonus 8 In Which **Aster Has to Instigate the Talk**

Bonus 9 In Which the **Scout Commences Counter-Revolutionary Activities** (After 3.18)

Bonus 10 In Which the **Lads Unravel a Mystery**

Bonus 11 In Which the **Boss Leans In** (After 3.29)

Bonus 12 In Which the **Party Greets the Guest of Honor** (After 3.30)

Bonus 13 In Which **a Queen Wields a Blade** (After 4.16)

Bonus 14 In Which the **Captain Treads Lightly**

Bonus 15 In Which the **Gears Begin to Turn**

Bonus 16 In Which the **Hero Picks the Wrong Place to Put His Foot Down**

TBA

## External Links

* Read on Royal Road
* Patreon - Only Villains Do That
* TV Tropes: Only Villains Do That