Jongreen

jongreen, real name Jack de Grás, is a character in multiple Irish stories including Katfish. Tá rizz mór agat. Is aoibhinn leis paistí. In Katfish, he entices Kitikat to meet him from a dating site. But kitikat is an evil soul and decides to steal all of Jongreen's money and smash his phone on the ground. Jongreen is left to die while Kitikat rides away with his riches on a fiery chariot of lead and steel (a bus). The pure evilness portrayed by Kitikat in this moment angers the divine gods greatly, and her bus crashes as she is smit by their retributive hand, instantly ending her and turning her into a pie of flaming flesh on the asphalt of the M50. Jongreen is then reincarnated into the body of Jesus.

## Plot Events

### Pre-Gaeilge Cinematic Universe

At birth, An Dia selects jongreen to be his holiness' divine messager, the messiah, to preach his holy word. This will save jongreen in various situations later, but we will see that jongreen himself has absolutely no idea that he even is the messiah and therefore doesn't help at all.

### Jeaic ar Scoil

In Jeaic ar Scoil jongreen is going to school. This is when Jongreen first becomes interested in cildren or his own relatives he thinks his own mother is smoking hot!!.this interest reaches long into his adulthood. This causes him to attempt to become a teacher. When this backfires because of his lack of intelligence, he decides to try a different route and become active on dating sites, the haven for all people of his age and thinking.

### Dán do Lara, 10

In Dán do Lara, 10 jongreen is watching as his father writes a poem about his twin sister, Lara, playing in the fields. He becomes jealous of the attention she has got compared to him. This also greatly angers An Dia, and the holy one smites his father in the form of him falling off of a bridge and losing his legs for the rest of his life, teaching us to never go against thy holy one. He then stabs Lara in the throat and buries her body in the field, so that she may return to thy holy one.

### Cúpla

In Cúpla jongreen, who uses his real name Jack de Grás, is the first boyfriend of the troubled teenager Sharon. He owns a sports car and they drive around town and after Sharon finds out about her father's affair with another teacher, Inion de Clár, they go out and drink vodka, despite Sharon being only 15. Later on they realise that they are related and Sharon dumps poor Jongreen. This, once again, infuriates Thy Holy One, as incest is widely accepted in his eyes. He lets out his rage and Sharon explodes after eating 15-day old meat.

### An Cluiche Mór

In An Cluiche Mór, as it is set during and after Cúpla. His father, Timmy an Tíogar, passes away due to disobeying thy holiness a week before the All-Ireland Final. Jongreen has to choose between his new girlfriend, Áine, and the match. He decided to go to the match. During the game his rival, An Súilleabhánach, keeps giving him a hard time and even shows him a piece of paper with Áine's number on it. Jongreen decided to blow him a little kiss which aggravates Súilleabhánach enough for him to start using homophobic slurs. This makes An Dia furious with how Súilleabhánach treated his messiah. Súilleabhánach, like everybody else who crossed Jongreen's path, is destroyed by thy holy one when he walks into a pole and his brain gets knocked out of its place, causing him to have a slow, painful death.

### Stadeolaíocht

In Stadeolaíocht jongreen is waiting for the bus while on his phone checking the time of arrival on it when as he looks up the bus goes flying past. The only things he saw were the bus driver looking at him and a young Kitikat in the bus. Upon seeing her he immediately gets a \*MEGA BONER\* and wants katfish for himself. So he decides to and find her on a local chat room.

### Katfish

In Katfish jongreen is a 46 year old man impersonating a teenager to try to catfish a 14 year old girl called Kitikat. They talk constantly and she is fixated by his alternate persona, but she seems to be suspicious. They meet up in a park where he is his true self and Kitikat is angry. jongreen asks if they can still be together, regardless of their age difference, and also offers to buy her drinks. She denies his requests and demands his phone. He gives it to her and she deletes everything and goes to the bus stop where before she gets on the bus she smashes jongreen's phone on the path and leaves it on top of a bin.

However, after this awful behaviour, KitiKat is smit by the gods and suffers a massive bus accident, leaving her a charred cadaver on the motorway. Luckily, JonGreen hears about this and claims his stolen goods back from the dastardly Kitikat before retreating to live a nice life as a child predator forevermore.

### Daideo

In Daideo, jongreen, going by the alias of a kindly old man referred to as simply 'granddad', meets Liam. He sees Liam is in a spot of trouble with Buachaill Ticéad and as such decides to protect him so he can ***[REDACTED]*** him later. jongreen claims that he's simply an old man on the run from his nursing home and is going to meet his friend Manus in Dublin. However, when the two get out of the train, jongreen puts a handkerchief with chloroform on Liam's mouth and pushes him into the back of Manus' car. However, it is around this time An Dia realised that jongreen is actually a shit messiah and decided to relieve him of his duties. As soon as he did so, the absence of the holy one's divine protection caused a Police Team to pull up, who frankly arrested jongreen. However, the stress of the entire operation caused jongreen to suffer severe cardiac arrest and he promptly dropped down dead.