John's Dad

**John's Dad** is an adult human from beta Universe B. He is the guardian of John Egbert and son of John's Nanna. His profession is not exactly known, but he is a businessman  and works some kind of white-collar job.

## Profile

### Personality

Egbert loves baking and holds a lot of pride in his son, John.

According to John, his father spends a lot of time in his study .

His personality may be rather easygoing, as it is implied that he trades pranks with John  on a regular basis, and he did not seem  to care very much  about his bathtub being forcefully relocated to the hallway during Sburb.

### Appearance

Egbert's most notable physical feature is his well-defined nose. He wears a white dress shirt with a black tie, white slacks, and black dress shoes. He also wears a white fedora and is always seen smoking a tobacco pipe.

### Interests

Egbert loves to bake desserts, and is often seen doing it. A box of Betty Crocker cake mix is seen laying in the corner of his bedroom.

While not professionally a comedian himself, It can be assumed that Egbert genuinely likes comedy, as he has pictures of comedians Bing Crosby and Harry Anderson hung up in his bedroom .

### Possessions

* Car
	+ Eventually accidentally dropped off a cliff  in LOWAS by Rose using the host interface due to shoddy internet connection.
* Picture of a man wearing a Groucho mask  John thinks this man is John Cena, but Egbert swears it not to be.
* Many pictures  and statues  of harlequins.
	+ One of these statues is dropped to LOWAS's surface  and picked up by a Salamander who tries to sell it as an artifact that "fell from Skaia".
* Urn filled with his mother's ashes , as well as a photo of her hanging above the fireplace.
	+ His mother's ashes were eventually accidentally knocked over  and prototyped into John's sprite.
* Many  tobacco  pipes
* Piano
	+ Eventually destroyed by Rose  using the host interface to drop it on an imp.
* At the desk in his study : A deck of cards, another tobacco pipe, April issue of *The Serious Jester*, and a can of peanuts.
	+ John uses the cards to play 52 pickup.
* Hat rack  with a top hot and a bowler hat hung on it
	+ John takes the bowler hat, replacing it with his magic hat. The bowler hat is eventually discarded  on the kitchen floor after John's strife with his dad, and later taken by imps .
	+ An imp takes the top hat  and is crushed by Rose. This crumples the hat. Rose puts the hat on John's head, and he later throws the hat down in disgust. It falls off the cliff  to LOWAS's surface and is taken by a Salamander , who names itself Crumplehat.
* Umbrella
	+ Taken by an imp  who is promptly slain by Rose. Later, another imp uses it to abscond  from John's house.
* Large poster of Cirque du Soleil
* Safe  containing: *Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text of Magical Frivolity and Practical Japery* , *The Fatherly Gent's Shaving Almanac* , and newspaper articles  regarding meteor crashes between 1996 and 2009.
	+ The combination to the safe  is 02-49-13.
	+ *Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text* has a note in the first few pages . The note is addressed to John and was written by Jane Egbert. Apparently, this copy is John's own copy of the book that was sent back in time  for Egbert to collect and put in his safe.
		- This book was eventually weaponized by an ogre .
* Framed photos of John and himself  hung up in the living room.
* Flat screen TV
* PDA  used to communicate with fellow businessmen. Egbert's phone background  is a picture of a tobacco pipe on a plain gray background.
* Picture of Harry Anderson  (the celebrity)
* Straight razor  and a comedic amount of shaving cream
* Briefcase
* In his bedroom : Picture of a tobacco pipe, many black ties, hat rack with two hats, pictures of the celebrities Bing Crosby and Harry Anderson, a rug with a picture of a fedora, many black dress shoes, a dresser with a deck of cards and a framed picture of John on top, clothes iron, bed with featureless gray sheets.

## Abilities

### Superior Mangrit

Egbert possesses extreme physical strength. He is capable of prying open cell bars and lifting safes over his head  and throwing them  with seemingly little effort. He is seen to be a capable fighter using pastries, shaving cream , and his bare fists . He's strong enough to take the Hegemonic Brute in hand to hand combat .

## Relationships

### John Egbert

Egbert held a lot of pride in his son. It was implied that, before being sent to the Medium, he traded pranks with John  on a regular basis.

It is suggested by Rose  that Egbert believed that John liked harlequins, which is why he collected so many posters and figurines of them, and why he bought John a giant harlequin doll for his 13th birthday . This is also why Egbert's own bedroom was devoid of harlequins, as he wasn't personally all that interested in them.

## Biography

### Exposition

* Egbert is born to Jane Egbert and grows to be an adult.
* In 1996, Jane is killed. The events surrounding her death may involve a tall bookshelf, a ladder, and an unabridge Colonel Sassacre's , but her son doesn't like to talk about it. Jane is cremated and her ashes are kept in an urn above her son's fireplace.
* On April 13th, 1996, Egbert adopts an infant boy and names him John.
* Egbert keeps track of newspaper articles  regarding meteor crashes. One dates back to John's birthday.
* In a chucklevoodoo-induced episode, John scrawls pictures of harlequins  on his bedroom wall and calendar. However, he cannot see them. It is suggested by Rose  that Egbert saw these drawings and assumed John had an infatuation with clowns, then started collecting clowns himself to try and establish a common interest.

### April 13th, 2009

* In 2009 (13 years later), John plays the game Sburb with his friends. John is pulled into the Medium along with his house and his father.

### In the Medium

* Immediately after entry, Egbert is handcuffed by imps and kidnapped. As he is being escorted, he breaks out of the handcuffs  (as they were trick cuffs  used for magic tricks) and retaliates against the imps.
* Agents of Derse attempt to imprison Egbert . Jack has to repeatedly order the Hegemonic Brute to bring in bigger  and bigger  safes to keep in front of Egbert's cell, because Egbert keeps simply lifting the objects and throwing them away.
* Jack eventually tries to step in and take out Egbert himself using a pocket knife. However, when John's Dad sets Jack's hat on fire and destroys it , Jack repays him by letting him free .
* Egbert returns to the Land of Wind and Shade . He defeats an enormous underling with his bare hands. However, having dirtied his hat and lost one of his shoes, he resorts to carving requests for a hat and shoe into various minitablets and mailing them through Parcel Pyxides.
* The Breeze fulfills his request . Before Egbert can put his new hat and shoe on, he spots Grandpa Harley  in the distance. Seeing that Harley is holding *Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text*, Egbert follows him through one of LOWAS's transportalizers .

## Trivia

* Cirque du Soleil once filed a restraining order against John's dad , much to John's embarrassment.