Christmas with the Kranks

When one thinks of holiday time movies, many examples immediately pop into one’s mind. The Polar Express, How the Grinch Stole Christmas and Frosty the Snowman have all been remembered as great Christmas films that will be remembered for a long while. But what about those films that aren’t so good, even being set around the holidays? Well, that is what Christmas with the Kranks is all about. This is actually one of the only movies I remember not liking as a kid, so this has been a long time coming.

Before I go any further, I want to explain the plot of this flick. Basically, you have an older couple, Luther and Nora Krank (Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis) who want to go someplace warmer for Christmas (a cruise), but this doesn’t sit well with their neighbors and greater townspeople. It sounds funny, right? In actuality it’s more… meh, even with the all star cast.

So problems... what does this movie have that is wrong. For starters, the neighbors and town. They all have this cult-like mindset about Christmas that it’s really off putting to see, almost like they would kill if you didn’t follow in their ways. I don’t mean like a sort of anger/annoyance towards the Kranks, I mean a full on mob mentality “We’ll get you!” type of thinking goes on in this town. Plenty of them already throw themselves into harm's way just to chastise the Kranks for “skipping Christmas”. That would be semi-alright if the Kranks weren’t so pretentious with their decisions to leave. You are supposed to feel bad for them as the movie goes on, but you feel angry more for their personalities rather than their choices, as both of the Kranks act just as childish as the neighbors do. There’s a scene where Tim Allen’s character just passes around flyers at his job that basically say “I’m skipping Christmas, ha ha” on them. Of course, the ending just comes in from left field as well. The neighbors just up and forgive the Kranks for being smarmy idiots all through the movie and help them set up Christmas for them at home for their daughter (who’s coming home from some Peace Corps thing).

Anyways, this film is more of a hot mess of sweet potato casserole than a finely cooked Christmas ham, so how do we (mainly I) fix this? For starters, do away with the cult-like mindset of the neighbors. It’s a really off putting aspect of the movie when a kid threatens the Kranks on not being around for Christmas. Instead, let’s replace the anger with more of a confusion of why the Kranks are leaving. Why are they confused? Because the Kranks are usually so active and delightful around this time of year. They do stuff for the church, they donate to charity, do up their house so well that it's awe inspiring, that sort of thing that justifies them staying more than “You aren’t doing what WE want!” from the neighbors. Also, justify the Kranks’ decision to go more than what is shown in the first few minutes of the movie. I’d make Tim Allen’s character more of a sympathetic, tired old man that just wants to get away for a while then what he is now, which was more of a blockhead who’s going through a midlife crisis. Also, Jamie Lee Curtis’ character could be more of a grandmotherly type of person to play off of the old man idea for Tim Allen, who originally is more submissive to Tim Allen’s character’s idea. I know this film is supposed to be comedic, but jokes like the aforementioned job scene and a scene where the Kranks go get a tan (for some reason) would be thrown out as well and replaced with a little more slapstick and maybe more jokes between both Tim Allen’s character and Dan Aykroyd’s character. Perhaps I could give Dan Aykroyd’s character some sort of sub-plot where he goes on a noir style wild goose chase to figure out why the Kranks want to leave. Finally, I would just completely redo the ending. Instead of the neighbors just suddenly switching personalities, I would have the Kranks actually start boarding the plane they were going on to the cruise, before a scene plays out that makes them change their minds like a happy family about to go off to see family over Christmas. This starts a whole conflict of interest, you feel more attached to the family bit that the old ending tried and failed to do and it all wraps up in a nice little bow. They go back home to find that their daughter is there wondering why her parents were away for Christmas and have this whole reuniting thing that helps hammer in that they missed their kid. I would also sprinkle some of that coming conflict of interest throughout the movie as to help the ending not feel like it’s just popping up out of nowhere.