My Imperial Majesty (ConspFiqDrin)

Fuck. Okay let's skip to the point, we broke up, we were best friends not romantic partners for anybody who gives a fuck.

and now we aren't.

And that fucking sucks.

If I could say something to her it would probably be the most genius concoction produced when mixing the statements 'Fuck you' 'I love you' 'I'm sorry' 'tf bitch' and 'thank you'.

God I miss you, bitch...

Maybe some part of me hopes that you hurt as much as I do, that you hate this as much as me, and that you also miss me, but let's be real that's just fucking not the case, you're not morbidly depressed with mental illnesses and a lonely pathetic bitch who's too clingy for their own good, you don't have crippling dysphoria and attachment and affection issues. You \*actually have a FUCKING friend.\*, that no doubt you are incredibly close to, good for you, bitch. and yeees I know this isn't true but why tf do I feel like you two just forcibly removed me from your little elite group and kicked me to the rainy street like a homeless dirty little puppy without any remorse, and that's the worst part, is you probably don't even feel shitty abt it.

like I'm not that stupid to say something like oh you 100% hate me and don't care at all, but honestly... you 99% don't give a shit abt me and dislike me a lot, and probably didn't give me a second thought the moment you said your goodbye. like I bet you feel like you're in heaven now with Pickle Girl as your only friend (and crush) not having to deal with me anymore, huh? do you really not even miss me? or at least miss us, our friendship, did any of that 'I missed you more than I've ever missed anyone in my entire life' actually mean a single fucking shit to you? was that all a lie? did our friendship really mean so little to you...

And I know this is affecting me more than it should given that you were a bitch to me all the time before our friendship ended, and I was a bitch to you and if anything I was probably way more hurt in our friendship than you could have ever known, and that our friendship would have just hurt me more if it continued, and given all that this isn't fair, it isn't fair how I have to feel this way, how I have to feel like you were this beacon of goodness and heavenly-ness in my life even though you SO FUCKING WEREN'T. Why do I have to miss you so much, why were you the most important thing to me in my entire fucking life and person I loved most in the entire world when you shouldn't have been, you never were supposed to be that, how tf did you do that to me, it's like you involuntarily put me under this spell, you made me do things that hurt me and were self-destructive since the moment I fucking met you, what tf is wrong with me. I am a fucking broken little bitch.

You were an addiction. You were like fucking drugs, you were addictive yet toxic and poisonous to me. and it's not that you are a toxic person, you are so not, you are one of the nicest, kindest, most sincere loving caring good interesting beautiful people ever, but to me it was always like a knife to the stomach, it always hurt even if it was amazing, even when it was healthy, it was still addictive and eventually it was gonna scar me, I just couldn't see it, so in a way... Thank you? I guess thank you for doing what was needed to be done, and it hurts so much to say that, but yes it needed to be done, and I couldn't do it.

Now, is it better? no. Is this in any way doing more or better for me? fucking no. Do I feel, even in a guilty subconscious way even THE TINIEST FUCKING BIT BETTER? No I fucking do not. Now I'm even more of a wreck than I ever was, which is funny given everything that has happened to me, everything I've done and how much of a fucking wreck I was since the beginning of That Time™.

It is currently 23:00-24:00 EDT on August 3rd-4th 2022.