The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: The Legend of the Diamond-Pearl/Transcript

Bob: Hi kids! Welcome to VeggieTales! I'm Bob the Tomato...

Larry: And I'm Larry the Cucumber!

Bob: And we're here to answer...

(Mr. Lunt and Pa Grape enter in their pirate costumes.)

Mr. Lunt: Prepared to be boarded!

Pa Grape: Argh!

Mr. Lunt: Thar she blows!

Pa Grape: Ahoy!

Mr. Lunt: Land ho!

Pa Grape: Shiver me timbers!

Bob: Uh, what's going on?

Pa Grape: We're taking over the show, matey, that's what's going on!

Bob: Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no, no! Not again! I'm not gonna...

Mr. Lunt: Don't worry, we've got a good story!

Bob: Uh, yeah, that's a good selling point. You know, Jimmy and Jerry had a story when they first took over and look how that turned out.

Larry: Ah, come on, Bob! You can use a break! I mean, after all, the last show is pretty hard on you.

Bob: What makes you say that?

Larry: Um, nothing, nothing at all.(laughs nervously) Boy, you sure can go a long time without blinking.

Mr. Lunt: Oh, please, please, pretty please with galepenos on top?

Larry: I think it's pronounced "jalapenos".

Mr. Lunt (scoffs) Right, I suppose you pronounced g-nat with a g, silent or something.

Pa: Oy.

Bob: All right, I'll give you one more chance, but I got my eye on you three!

(Bob backs away overdramatically looking at the Pirates and crashes into something offscreen.)

Bob: Ahh! I'm okay.

(Larry runs in the opposite direction for Bob.)

Pa: So, uh, what do we do now?

(Bob throws the letter at Mr. Lunt)

Mr. Lunt: Ow, those corners are sharp!

Pa: Let's see. Today's letter comes from Danny Greenwell from Standen Vermont.

Larry: Oh, well, what's he say?

Pa: Let's see.

(Larry enters with his pirate costume.)

Pa: Oh, okay, so, Danny says that he'd go over his friend, Mike's house. Oh, Mike. that's a nice name. Anyways, he says that Mike has a lot of nice stuff at his house, his stuff that's a lot nicer than he has and he wishes that he had all that stuff instead, even though he didn't really need it and he's starting to make him act weird.

Larry: And he wants to know what to do?

Pa: Yeah, how do you know?

Larry: Well, after 40 something episodes, you begin to notice the pattern.

Mr. Lunt: You know, I believe I have exactly what we need to solve all Danny boy's little problem.

Larry: You do?

Mr. Lunt: Oh, yeah. Remember our little adventure where we went to the ends of the earth on the treasure hunt?

Pa: Oh, boy! Do I ever?

Larry: I remember it like it was Yesterday! Roll film!

### The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: The Legend of the Diamond-Pearl Act 1

(Cut to black then fade to Joppa. After establishing shots, pan to Captain Pa, Buccaneer Larry, and Pirate Lunt at Mr. Nezzer's stand eating cheese curls and drinking root beer.)

Pirate Larry: Ah, this is the life.

Pirate Lunt: You know, my friends, I, for one, say we've got a go there doing nothing but eating cheese curls and drinking root beer. I bet everyone in job envies ups.

(A passerby walks by.)

Mr. Lunt: That's right. I know how you feel. Yeah, yeah, just keep walking.

Mr. Nezzer: Well, I'm sorry, boys I can't give you anymore of either until you pay your tab. You still owe me from last week.

Captain Pa: Yeah, I know.

Pirate Larry: You mean, you can't give us anything else?

Mr. Nezzer: Well, I can give you an empty space and the feeling being ignored, other than that, no, I'm sorry.

Captain Pa: Oh, come on! Can you help a few guys out?

Mr. Nezzer: Well, maybe if you did something once in a while you'll be able to afford to pay for all the refreshments ever, you know, once in the while.

Pirate Larry: Doing something?! Do you have any idea who you're talking to?

Captain Pa: Yeah, we are the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything!

Pirate Lunt: Oh, you know, that's right!

Pirate Larry: Nothing.

Pirate Lunt: Zilch.

Pirate Larry: Nada.

Mr. Nezzer: Well, that's all fine and dandy, but the policy stays the same, no matter who you are. No cash, no curls.

Pirate Larry: Oh, come on, please?

Mr. Nezzer slams the stand door shut.)

Pirate Larry: So, that's a maybe?

Captian Pa: Come on, let's get going.

(They get up and walk down the streets of Joppa)

Pirate Larry: Boy, this really stinks.

Pirate Lunt: Yeah, for all the goods we freeloaded off of them, this is how he repays us? Oh, all the nerve.

Captain Pa: Oh, let's just get back to the ship. Which way is the ship again?

Pirate Lunt: I don't know. Somewhere around here. I'll try using the keys. See if you can find 'em.

Captain Pa: What keys?

Pirate Lunt: The boat keys.

Captain Pa: Well, our boat doesn't need keys.

Pirate Lunt: You didn't bring the boat keys?!

Captain Pa: There are no boat keys!!!

Pirate Lunt: Oh.

(The Pirates walked down the street until they arrived at an intersection.)

Captain Pa: Oh, crossroads. Where do we go?

Pirate Larry: Hmm, let's see. Eenie, Meenie Miney...That one!

(The Pirates walked down the path and into the dark alley.)

Pirate Lunt: I think we may have taken a wrong turn.

Buccaneer Larry: Uh, yeah, probably.

(The pirates walk further down the alley, the passed several creepy looking people and broken down homes.)

Pirate Larry: I've got a bad feeling about this.

\*coughs\*

Captain Pa: What was that?! Who's there?!

\*groans\*

Captain Pa: I don't like the sound of that!

Pirate Larry: I don't think we should be here.

Pirate Lunt: Let's get out of here!

The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: AHHHHHHH!