Lore

Act 1

bean cinematic universe lore

chapter one: the beginning

once, there was a zeff, and there was a god. there was also another dude, but he probably isn't

important. there was nothing else, only blank space. as the zeff and the god coexisted in the

nothingness. as they did this, they knew there was only one thing to do.so the zeff and the god had

intercourse, and created zeff god. now, zeff god inherited many thingsfrom his predecessors,

such as the holy power of the god, and the zeff-ness of the zeff. but there was just one thing that

zeff god didn't inherit. and that was their moral compass. while his parents were benevolent and

kind, zeff god had not gotten this at all. instead, he decided he would use his powers a bit more...

creatively.

chapter two: the grind

zeff god had gotten tired of his parents never doing anything with their wonderful gifts. even when

zeff god himself asked them, "zeff, can i please create something?" or "god, please. i can build

something beautiful!", his parents always brushed him off, typically saying something along the lines

of "shut up zeff god". so instead of bickering or being stubborn, he trained. eons passed, and zeff

god got more and more mature. but one thing never changed. through it all, what felt like an eternity

of training and the zeff and the god being completely adamant about not doing shit, there was always

one consistent detail: zeff god was going to kill both of them, and that turned out to be just what

he did. first, he snuck up on zeff with his laptop open to visual studio code, and parented

zeff to nil. then, when the god realized zeff was gone, it looked everywhere. but the god could not

find zeff, and died of a broken heart. zeff god, having completed exactly what he had hoped to,

was still not content. no, he needed to think a bit bigger than just matricide and patricide.

chapter three: zeff god thinks a bit bigger than just matricide and patricide

zeff god decided that he would do what his foolish predecessors were too cowardly to. he would use

what he'd been given to do something. to form a legacy. and so, he did. first, he formed the stars.

then, he created planets, meteors, and all of the other stuff in space. but after this, he made his

first mistake. he decided that on the celestial orb known ony as "planet zoo", he would place

his first intelligent creation.

chapter three: zeff god does an oopsie

zeff god exerted 0.001% of his power, and created a singular MAN. now, this man was literally fucking

stupid. man could barely figure out what anything was, and accidentally ran into poles. a lot.

however, zeff god decided that instead of worrying about man, he would go make some other stuff in

space and check back later. this enabled man, though. without the supervision of his creator, man was

free to do whatever he wanted(in case you were wondering, i do not mean man as in mankind. i mean

the character man. one singular man). so man evolved. by utilizing an ability known as "single

braincell reproduction", man became smarter and smarter. until he ran out of energy to duplicate

his braincells and ended at 78 braincells. so then man took the power of his braincell multiplication

and harnessed it, creating something never before seen by anyone. not zeff, not god, not zeff god,

and not even man himself. he created single cell reproduction. and so, he got to work.

chapter four: the men

man, using his new creation, multiplied to his heart's content. because of the fact that he was

creating new men, those men could also duplicate, and the men they created could duplicate, and

so on and so forth. soon, there were quintillions of men, all gathered on planet zoo. and as more

and more men gathered, they realized. they should put their heads together and use their intelligence

for something. and something they did indeed. the men entered the inustrial age immediately. straight

from the stone age into the industrial age. don't question it. the men created everything from

cars to roads to streetlights to unrestricted internet access. but most important of all, they

created a rocketship. they sent several men out of planet zoo and into another planet, hoping that

the rocket would not explode. if you were paying attention, you would probably know why they were

worried about this: they were still stupid. you see, three lines ago, i said they created

unrestricted internet access. anyway, back to the rocket. the rocket almost exploded, but the men

back at home combined the power of all of their plot armor to make the rocket not explode, and so

the men entered a new frontier. the men were now completely free to spread along the galaxy.

chapter five: the men drop a spoon at 3am in the morning while zeff god is asleep(metaphorically)

the men's civilization was expanding incredibly quickly, and so it was inevitable that zeff god

eventually found out. while zeff god was screwing around with throwing meteors and random planets,

he noticed something: a strange object traveling through the empty space he had worked so hard

to create. zeff god would not let this unkown interloper go unidentified, though, so he floated

directly to the rocket ship to see what was inside, and lo and behold, it was a bunch of men. zeff

god did not want the men to expand too far and corrupt his perfect universe, as he knew the men were

absolute dumbasses, so he instantly went to destroy the rocket. but to zeff god's great surprise, he

could not. there was an absurd amount of plot armor on the rocket ship that not even zeff god's fists

of furry could break through. as zeff god slowly came to this realization, he suddenly had another

epiphany. if there were so many t=men that their combined plot armor made a shield not even zeff

god could break, then what was stopping them from overthrowing him? as zeff god figured this out, he

immediately decided he had to create a contingency plan.

chapter six: the poopshitters(canon name of zeff god's army)

zeff god decided that the one thing that might be able to take down the massive army of men that had

formed was a massive army of his own. he knew that the first thing he needed was an army, so zeff

god silently took the carcass of a dead man from planet zoo and warped it using brimstone magic.

zeff god gave the man horns and attempted to get him to single-cell reproduce. however, the best zeff

god could do was get him to single-braincell reproduce, so he just let evil man do that until he had

far exceeded the battle knowledge of even zeff god himself. and since he could not use sheer numbers,

he instead tought this corrupted man a bunch of abilities. "perfect." zeff god smugly thought to

himself. "i shall call him... evil man." and so it was. evil man, on this day, had been born. next,

zeff god decided he should have a massive army of his own, just to fight back in the possible event

of an invasion of the man horde. and so, he decided he would create a simple creature: the bean.

the bean was a poorly drawn, idiotic creation. however, so were the men, and the beans being simpler

meant that they could multiply much faster than the men. as such, zeff god allowed the beans to

fester, and they eventually became a powerful army, commanded by evil man.

chapter seven: the shitpoopers(canon name of zeff god's other army)

zeff god knew that just a bunch of beans may not be enough against the plot armor of the men, so he

created a last line of defense. the first thing he did was clone himself and take the power of the

clone, so that the clone had no halo and thus could not threaten his power. then, zeff god repeated

this process over and over, exerting all of his power into creating the most quality battle unit he

could possibly muster out of the materials he had been provided. satisfied with his latest creation,

zeff god decided to name it steve and move on. he already had a commander for his other, larger army,

so he decided he would have to put one in charge of the steves as well. he took a part from the most

powerful entity(other than himself) that he could think of: the god. so he took half of the god away:

the "the" part of the god's name away. after reducing the god to just god, he utilized the and formed

it into a cohesive being, who was made of only the word "the". zeff god, who used all of his creative

naming power to come up with the name "steve", decided he would just call his latest creation "the"

and be done with it. the had the ability to manipulate the word "the" into weapons,  shields,

powerful blasts, you name it. now content with his personal army of powerful bodyguards, he commanded

them to keep watch over the men and make sure they didn't get too rowdy. however, unbeknowst to zeff

god, there was a third party.

chapter eight: the monitoring

the and the steves sat out across zeff god's universe in order to find the men's original planet,

planet zoo. while they did pass many man-inhabited planets, not a single one was what they were

looking for. as they passed countless homes for men across the galaxy, they suddenly came across one

hice larger than all the others. they instantly realized: this was it. this was planet zoo. knowing

that the men had expanded in all directions, the commanded the steves to go and each monitor one

planet. one planet per steve, it was a perfect plan. the decided that every single day, him and the

steves would gather at planet zoo and report their findings for that day. all of the steves agreed

that this was a good idea, and so they set out. this went smoothly... for a while.

chapter nine: the third party

after a few weeks of this constant monitoring and reporting, the steves and even the himself were

beginning to get bored. however, they knew that if they did not make sure that the men were kept

under wraps, zeff god could simply erase them with a snap of his fingers and build a new army in

their place. but even then, they were beginning to get tired of the same monotonous routine every

single day. suddenly, one of the men stopped coming to the meetings. then, another. and another. and

suddenly two more. three more, and it continued like this until they realised that something was

very, very wrong. so they sent out two steves to every planet, knowing that it was more important

to stay alive than to worry about the men, who were minding their own business. but this didn't work.

the steve's number just kept going lower and lower, until there was just the and a small squad of

ten steves left. so they all decided to monitor planet zoo and wait for whatever this mysterious

entity was to show up. as they were waiting, with a great sense of foreboding looming in the backs

of their heads, he appeared. everything went gray, like time itself had stopped, and he came before

them in a very epic fashion. it was the entity who had been there from the very beginning, even since

before zeff god had existed. it was...

chapter ten: JAKE FROM STATE FARM HOLY FU

jake from state farm had suddenly materialized in front of the eleven elite troops, scaring each and

every one of them completely shitless. jake from state farm emitted a strange yet extremely

threatening aura of power, and around the twelve beings that had gathered, it was as if the very

fabric of time had been ripped apart. nothing was moving, not even the little men on the planet, nor

were the planets revolving. no, it seemed the only thing capable of movement were zeff god's

soldiers... and jake from state farm. jake from state farm said not a word, but he didn't

even have to. the pure emanation of power told them what exactly they needed to do. leave, or die.

not at all wanting to see what happened when they angered jake from state farm, the eleven made their

way out as quickly as they could.

chapter eleven: oh boy i hope zeff god doesn't get mad about this

the and the ten remaining steves immediately went straight to zeff god to inform him of the looming

threat. while they expected to get disintegrated by zeff god for their disobedience, zeff god looked

much more worried than angry. it was at this moment that the and his men realized just how much danger

they were in back there. if jake from state farm was truly so powerful that his mere mention shook zeff

god to his core, it was entirely possible that the men could invade and destroy everything that zeff

god had built, whether or not zeff god had an army. while zeff god did get to work cloning more steves,

his mind was completely preoccupied. as such, these steves had strange mutations to their bodies, such

as thick torsos or long arms. even one steve was exetremely short(he will be important to the plot someday).

while this was extremely strange, it did not diminish their battle prowess, and as such, they were allowed

to stay.

chapter twelve: the plight of evil man

in the current state which zeff god's plan was in, knowing that he couldn't interfere with

the affairs of the men or else he would face the undeniable power of jake from state farm, he decided

to just leave it be and possibly wait jake from state farm out. however, the commander of the bean army,

evil man, was not truly content with this. no, he needed violence. you see, being violent was built into

his brain from the twisted magic which has been used on him by zeff god, and so he craved it as a dog

craves fresh meat. evil man had not heard about the incredible threat jake from state farm held against

the zeffly godly forces of zeff god, decided he would at the very least launch a small fight against

the men. so evil man traveled to an outer planet of the men known only as "woooahooahoooah story of

undertale". there, evil man challenged the first man that he saw, not knowing of the atronomical mistake

he had just made. you see, the man that he had just began a duel with was not just your average everyday

normal man. no, this man was special. this man had learned fighting technique, to the point where his

skill was beyond even the powerful abilities of evil man. and so, as evil man tried his very hardest

to destroy this man with his explosions and chains, the man used his sword to make short work of evil man,

saving the day. jake from state farm refused to break this fight up due to that fact that it was

quite entertaining, and he really wanted to see who would win. despite the fact that evil man had been

bested, he was not killed, so he retreated back to zeff god's lair among space and time to heal himself

so that he could go back and challenge that exceptionally

powerful man again, and as such, perpetuate the cycle of losing to him and retreating only to challenge

him again for all of eternity.

Bean cinematic universe lore - act 2

last time on bcu lore...

jake from state farm's presence had just been revealed to zeff god, and as luck would have it,

he was protecting the men. this meant that zeff god had to end the conquest against the men due to jake

from state farm's unrivaled power. however, in complete spite of this, evil man decided "no fuck you"

and decided to fight one of the men to validate himself. but then the man beat his ass, so now evil man

comes back every like two weeks to fight him

chapter 1: zeff god weighs his options

after zeff god found out that jake from state farm had decided to shield the men from zeff god's wrath,

he immediately knew that he would have to get rid of all of his plans to invade the men's colonies. as

such, he quickly got bored and decided to attempt to invade somewhere else, maybe somewhere that wasn't

being actively defended by the literal concept of power himself. while zeff god looked through the

multiverse for somewhere else to go, he looked across countless universes, some such universes being

named "elden ring", "risk of rain 2", "hollow knight", and "ultrakill", before he finally happened upon

a universe with some weird ass name. "tmodloader", it was called. however strange the universe was, zeff

god decided to take a look at what laid within, and this strange place seemed very easy to conquer.

chapter 2: bean cinematic universe, now with guest star guide from terraria

zeff god had finally found a suitable universe to launch his lates conquest, known only as "tmodloader".

zeff god made sure all of his armies were in order, calling upon evil man and the to organize their

respective armies of beans and steves. after they did this, zeff god gave all of his troops a rousing

speech, something along the lines of "just don't get hit, it's not that hard". somehow, this was

completely enough for the armies to gain newfound courage, and as such, they were ready.

chapter 3: zeff god sics the poopshitters and the shitpoopers on tmodloader

zeff god and his armies came crashing through countless portals in the sky of the terraria world, each

and every one of them primed and ready for battle. the endless legions of zeff god tore through the

slimes and zombies of terraria, leaving almost nothing left. at long last, after most normal enemies and

even bosses had been defeated(it was nighttime), there was just one thing left: the moon lord. zeff god

could sense that something very powerful was about to attempt battle with them, he gathered evil man as

well as the in order to fight back. when the moon lord finally appeared, the three of them were more than

enough than what whas needed to bring down the moon lord. but as the moon lord began exploding for whatever

reason, they all felt that there was much more than just him.

chapter 4: oh right there's more than just moon lord in terraria calamity

zeff god and all of his forces united in order to fight the rest of the creatures left within this oddly

pixelated world, including a big worm thing, a weird crab, and like five other big worm things. at long last,

after zeff god and his offensive units had cleared them out, although not without casualties of their own, one

final challenge remained. just as they thought they had won, a very normal-sized human appeared, posed and

ready to attack. zeff god commanded his army to take formation, and the fight commenced.

chapter 5: fight start go

calamitas began summoning weird red fireballs to fly at zeff god and co in a weird bullet hell pattern.

unfortunately for her, her interdimensional opponents used the same strategy they used for every other thing

they fought: abusing the fact that they had three axes of movement. instead of trying to dodge her attacks, they

simply moved to the side and waited until her forcefield dissapeared, and then literally annihilated her. even

when she summoned another big worm thing, it was no match for their z-axis. after they obliterated her in every

comprehensible way, she quite literally turned into a couple weapons that fell to the ground. zeff god decided

that he would simply disperse the weapons amongst the steves and call it a day, although one of the steves did

somehow get metastasis, which is kind of weird given the fact that that needs shimmer, but that specific steve

probably just took a bath in the funny rainbow water or something after stealing the staff of the mechworm from

one of those other big worm things that they killed earlier.

chapter 6: zeff god gets bored(for the fiftieth time)

zeff god quickly got bored of sitting on his two-dimensional throne in this oddly square world. as such, he

decided to create something new in his boredom, because that worked so well the first time. this time, though,

with a little foresight at long last, zeff god decided to create it with untenable loyalty to himself. he also

decided to not give it single-cell reproduction just in case. he focused his power into this creation, and just

like that, it became existent. before zeff god could name this being, it insisted on giving itself a name. zeff

god allowed this, and so this new creature gave itself this beautiful name: ##############. upon hearing this,

zeff god knew exactly what he must do: turn off chat filter. after disabling it, zeff god could hear the full

beauty of his latest creation's name. it was... uncle molester. it was a strange name, but fitting, given the

fact that he looked a lot like jack sparrow wearing a prison jumpsuit.

chapter 7: how the HELL do i make this character important to the plot, like, at all

uncle molester quickly became one of zeff god's favorite creations, rising above even the and steve. this was

mostly due to the fact that uncle molester had been created with loyalty and intelligence in mind, not created

to a be a leader in battle but instead simply a friend, or at the very least someone to talk to. once again,

they killed almost everyone in terraria, including the town npcs. in fact, there was only one being left that

they forgot to destroy, but that isn't really important at the moment, so i'm just gonna skip it. zeff god and

uncle molester were almost completely inseperable, being the best of friends even in the toughest times. now,

their friendship was fairly similar to that of most boys: unrelenting verbal abuse from both sides. again, let

me reinforce for anyone not familiar with boys' friendships: they were the best of friends.

chapter 8: the poopshitters run rampant

zeff god was happy that his efforts against this tiny, weak universe didn't go to waste. he had successfully

conquered it, easily defeating its greatest warriors due to his large advantage. but zeff god decided that

sitting on a throne one dimension less than he was just wouldn't work. no, zeff god had to see more, investigate

all of the ins and outs of this world. he sent out the poopshitters to go and scout out the world for anything

interesting or anything that might help him fight the men after jake from state farm got bored of protecting them.

the beans spread out all across the land, finding forests and deserts and hollows, and a couple of them

accidentally fell into weird holes that went directly downwards into hell. not a single one of them could figure

out how the holes got there, but they were all shidiots anyway, so they probably wouldn't have figured out if the

answer had slapped them in the face. but either way, the beans spread out all across the world, finding everything

from weapons to materials to even strange pets. however, by far the most important thing they found were traces

of a mystical metal called "epic gamerite". zeff god knew that by using epic gamerite, one could craft a w rizz

shake, briefly making them incredibly powerful. from the moment his troops reported back about the epic gamerite,

zeff god knew: he had to get his grubby little hands on some.

Act 3 coming soon