Altar Boy

## Summary

The crew is deployed to a mysterious planet to secure cool tech for the Rebellion. C-53 makes a call. Bargie and Dar are done. Pleck is finally useful?

## Plot

Beano announces that they are hungry, Dar and Bargie refuse to feed Beano as they just ate. C-53 and Pleck return from a mission. Dar asks them what took them so long. They won a flatbread. Dar and Bargie have had enough, Pleck and C-53 don't understand what they've had enough of. C-53 realise that the fault may lie in the fact that they are accidentally following traditional gender rolls and this is unfair to Dar and Bargie. Pleck apologizes, but it is too late. They are going to go on vacation. The receive a call from Nermut. Pleck asks about their leave situation. Bargie has accumulated 0 leave as she doesn't go on the missions just drops them off. This causes Bargie to have a small vocal breakdown. Their mission is to go to Suetopia, a mysterious advanced society. They have asked to be visited by a Rebellion delegation so they can share technology. Pleck tries to give a vacation day to Bargie but the system won't allow it.

Lieutenant Bordoff reads sponsor copy for ZipRecruiter and he is composing a message for his unnamed master. He reveals that he has been using it to recruit 10,000 qualified tug ship pilots from the Zyxx Quadrant as well as a royal guard staff. These pilots are sworn to secrecy so that the others on "the Council shall be none the wiser." He also reveals that the Planet Crusher Crusher has been acquired from Phoenix Ash's estate and is en route.

Pleck is amazed by the planet, C-53 enjoys how clean it is. They are greeted by local Suetopians and are amazed by their ability to teleport. Teela and Neela are assistants to the leader, both equal as there is no class system. Dar is feeling very relaxed. Pleck accidentally insults Teela and Neela. The chosen leader of Suetopia, Gellen, greets them. Dar and Gellen immediately connect. The name comes from the founder of the planet, Susan. Pleck compliments Gellen's looks and is immediately criticized for this being the first thing he notices about her. Pleck assumes that she is connected with The Space, C-53 insists that he doesn't bring up the Space anymore. Gellen was chosen by a telepathic vote. There is no theft or violence on Suetopia, it makes dinner ordering very easy. They have been watching the crew from afar and admire the innocence of their team. They have gifts for each of the crew. They all receive a device that connects to their necks and tell them peoples true emotions. C-53 is immediately overcome with the uncertainty Pleck feels with every decision he makes. The crew are picked up and taken to the Sea of Want.

Gellen introduces them to all of her people. Dar immediately notices that they are all women. They maintain the peace and emotional integrity by being exclusively female. They blow on Dar to accept them as one of their own. A dozen Suetopians massage Dar's entire body. They wish Bargie was here to also enjoy it, Gellen produces a galactic phone able to call anyone instantly. They invite Bargie to Suetopia. They offer to shine her up as a gift, Bargie hasn't received a gift in a long time. They offer to do something for C-53, instantly calling them on the galactic phone. There are sounds of the ocean in the background, the person (a sea captain) on the other end is not happy to hear from him. C-53 apologises. Pleck interrupts to ask a question and is shut down immediately. The sea captain forgives C-53 for one of the things he did, but not the bigger thing. He hangs up. C-53 is upset by the phone call. Neela asks Gellen when they will pay the price. They worry that they will require Kroon. Gellen gets Pleck to lay down on an altar and they remove his clothes. Pleck tries to question the hierarchy of the planet while Teela and Neela strip him. Gellen gets frustrated with the conversation and orders them to remove his clothes faster. They give him a Nestertia flower to put over his privates. Gellen gives Dar a Tulum to draw blood from Pleck. They are to crawl under the table, stab up into his spine and collect all his blood in bucket. They need someone who loves him to do it. Pleck jumps in to ask if he can opt out, Gellen tells him that he can't. Dar questions whether their allegiance is with the crew or with Gellen. They gave Bargie a nice flattering shirt. They are going to use Pleck's blood to propagate the species, without the blood of man they will die off. C-53 tries to talk them out of it by downtalking the quality of Pleck's blood. Dar crawls under the table and pours blood into the buckets. They emerge from under the table with Pleck feeling fine, Dar is feeling dizzy and stumbles about. They give Pleck his clothes back with a little tailoring to make them more flattering. The crew insists that they leave now. Bargie says they won't leave as they just booked a movie. She no longer wants to do it when she finds out that she won't get paid. They give the tech back and leave.

Dar reveals that they filled the bucket with their blood, they pinched Pleck to make him yell. Pleck questions the fact that the blood need to be male, Dar reminds him that blood doesn't have gender. C-53 stitched Dar up and Pleck offers to be on Beano duty. Dar advises him to start cooking eggs now so he'll have time to make enough. C-53 reminds them of what happens if Beano goes insane. Nermut calls. He's excited to learn about the tech they've gotten. He is disappointed to learn that they don't have any of the cool stuff they experienced. Pleck is curious about the call C-53 made.

## Quotes

"I have been trying to teach Beano proper syntax for months, and it has yielded no fruit." - C-53

"Beano fall into traditional rolls" Beano, as he falls into a box of bread rolls.

"This is. Bullshit." - Bargie

"What a fabulous name with an insane amount of consonants." - Gellen, about Pleck

"I would take a blow job. Absolutely" - Dar

"Err-durr. Order dinner." - Neela, struggling to pronounce the word 'order' when used to mean a command

"Teela. Neela. Do you know what clothes are? (laughs) I mean, can you please remove his clothes? I don’t want to say it again." - Gellen, frustrated with her 'suggestions' not being completed

"Beano think dance is purest form of expression." - Beano

"I hope one day you are comfortable enough to tell us about the old man and the C-53" - Dar

## Trivia

* Bargie claps by banging her engines together.
* Barige's new shirt is a deep-V
* The seven things you need to do to look after Beano: The bedtime story; The tuck; The retuck when he jumps out of bed to re-enact the meeting scene; The eggs (the scramble, the boil, the poached); The forehead kiss; and barricading the door in case Beano go insane.

## Credits

### **Voice actors**

C-53 - Jeremy Bent

Pleck Decksetter - Alden Ford

Dar - Allie Kokesh

Nermut Bundaloy - Seth Lind

Bargarean Jade and Neela - Moujan Zolfaghari

Beano and Teela - Winston Noel

Gellen - Lennon Parham

### **Production**

Edited - Seth Lind

Recorded - Shane O'Connell

Sound Design and Mix - Shane O'Connell

Additional Recording - Forever Dog by Brett Boham

Music - Brendan Ryan

Opening Crawl Narration - Jeremy Crutchley

Ship Design - Eric Geusz