Tex Goes Over The Hedge Part Six: Ozzie. EXE and The House Heist

(Warning: The following contains graphic content that may not be suitable for children. Viewer discretion is advised.)

Toppy, Rohan, Dave, Tex, RJ, Verne, Hammy, Heather, Ozzie, Lou, Penny, Stella, Spike, Bucky, Quillo, and I were gathered around a diagram of the backyard next to the hedge to go over a plan to try and get all of the food back before Vincent came in the morning.

"OK, guys," said Toppy, as he placed some Monopoly pieces onto the diagram. "These game pieces are us."

"Can I be the car?! I want the car!" said Hammy.

"No! I want the car!" said Quillo.

"Wow," said Dave, shaking his head. "Fighting with kids, Hammy? This is why I deserve to be the car! You guys can be the hat and the shoe."

"The shoe's the lamest one!" said Quillo.

"Yeah!" said Hammy. "So, I want the hat."

"How about you be that snazzy iron there, Quillo?" said Lou.

"Guys! The pieces aren't important! Besides, I'm the car," said Toppy, annoyed by Hammy and Quillo's childish behavior. "Anyways, there will be traps everywhere. Ten times more than when you guys invaded this house. Also, there are two Depelter Turbos this time. So, myself, Kadin, Dave, Rohan, and Tex will set off all of the traps and meet you guys in the house. Then, we'll get all the food that we need to feed you guys and Vincent the psychopath bear. A wedding and burying ritual of the EXE later, mission accomplished!"

"But how do we know Gladys isn't back?" asked RJ. "She was a psychopath last time we stole food."

"Don't worry, RJ," said Tex. "We checked. It's just a pregnant couple called Jane and Tim. Jane is seven months pregnant and is always out at Mahjong. Tim is the one that we have to worry about though."

"What do you mean?" asked Ozzie.

"He's a bit of a hillbilly," said Toppy. "Like the stereotypical ones who drink beer, shoot guns, and watch football. If he were to even catch us in his home, let alone you guys, he could shoot us legally. So, we have to be ten times more slick if he's in the house."

"OK," said RJ. "Let's do this."

At that moment, the family went for the front of the house, while Toppy, Rohan, Dave, Tex, and I set off all of the traps, including both of the Depelter Turbos. Each trap was more painful than the next. Among the traps were a piranha tank, a boxing glove, an electric maze, and a find-the-hay-in-the-needle-stack section. After we got through all of the traps, we saw Vincent in the sky, looking at the moon.

"Moon's full, guys!" said Vincent. "See you in the morning."

Then, Vincent ate the moon like a chip, and disappeared. We all sighed in pain and fear.

"We better go," said Toppy.

We met the family in the house. Just like 17 years ago, Quillo, Bucky, and Spike were on human watching duty. Quillo turned on the TV and, sure enough, the THX logo and deep note played. Everyone gasped in horror, as we saw Jane and Tom nearly get up. But luckily, Bucky was able to switch it to the security footage of Jane and Tom, who were still asleep like a baby.

"OK, guys," said Rohan, as he opened the fridge. "Let's see what's inside."

Rohan than proceeded to open the fridge and, HOLY SHIT! There was a ton of food. Pies were lined up row by row, cooked hams and yams and jams were on one shelf, shakes, steaks, and cakes on another, burgers of every type were on yet another, including the T-Rex Burger from Wendy's. Not to mention, it was more than enough to cover our debt to Vincent.

"WE HIT THE JACKPOT!!!!!!!!!!!!" said Rohan, excitedly. "Let's do this!"

So, the family proceeded to gather all of the food in the house and throw it into the wagon. It was almost like a team of factory workers making a product: Toppy, Tex, Rohan, Dave and I made the entire plan work, Heather, Lou, Penny, Ozzie, Stella, RJ, and Verne were the transporters of the product, the food, and Hammy was the fast delivery boy, delivering the food to the wagon. As we looked at our little operation, we all smiled a little bit.

"We're gonna have our cake and eat it too, guys,' said Toppy. "We're getting the food we need to feed the family and the EXE is no where to be found! Not only that, the animals aren't dead and we haven't been shot at or arrested. I call that a win times three."

"For sure," I said. "But this seems a bit too easy, no?"

"What do you mean?" asked Tex.

"Think about it," I said, getting suspicious. "In these situations, things always go to plan for the hero. Then, something happens and they end up making a bigger problem."

"Well, maybe this situation is the exception," said Rohan. "I highly doubt that..."

Rohan's sentence was interrupted by the sound of Ozzie fainting. We all ran to see what had happened. But it was too late: The EXE had gotten Ozzie.

"Dad?" asked Heather, before Ozzie. EXE grabbed her by the paw and slammed her against the wall.

"Heather?" said Ozzie, as he reverted between Ozzie. EXE and Ozzie.

"GUYS! The EXE's got Ozzie! Let's get out of here!" I said, frantically.

But RJ and Verne eyed a can of Spuddies on top of the shelf.

"No!" said RJ, as he went for the Spuddies. "Not without those Spuddies!"

RJ went to get the Spuddies, while I tried to get him to come down from the shelf. Meanwhile, Toppy, Rohan, Dave, and Tex were trying to save Ozzie. EXE.

"You still want me to play dead?" asked Ozzie. EXE, as he played dead as soon as Toppy punched him.

"Wow! That was easy," said Toppy, before Ozzie. EXE punched him in the face.

"ENOUGH!" yelled Ozzie. EXE. "Time to die for real!"

"NO!" yelled Heather, as she embraced her dad in a hug. "Dad, come back to us! We love you."

"NO!" yelled Ozzie. EXE, as he slammed Heather into the wall. "I hate love!"

"How about a hug?!" asked Dave, as he finished off hugging Ozzie. EXE and turning him back into Ozzie.

"I'm back," said Ozzie, before he noticed Heather, "dead". "Oh, Heather!"

Right when Toppy, Ozzie, Rohan, Tex, and Dave began to mourn Heather, Heather woke up and smiled.

"We thought you were dead," said Toppy.

"I learned from the best," said Heather, as she smiled and looked at her dad.

"That's my girl," said Ozzie.

Meanwhile, RJ was still trying to get that can of Spuddies.

"RJ, let's go! We have what we need!" I said, as I tugged on RJ's tail.

"No, we don't," said RJ.

"What are you talking about? We have more than enough!" I yelled. "In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if there are already Spuddies in that wag..."

"HEY! LISTEN! WE DID NOT DEAL WITH SIX EXE TRANSFORMATIONS, AN EXPLOSION, AND A REVIVAL OF A 17 YEAR RIVALRY FOR YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS TO HURT THIS FAMILY! WE NEVER WANTED YOU HERE! WE NEVER WILL! WE NEEDED SOMEONE TO HELP GATHER FOOD FOR US! NOT VINCENT! US! US! US! I THOUGHT WE COULD DO IT ON OUR OWN AT FIRST! BUT NO! VERNE HAD TO INSIST ON BRINGING IN THE MULTIVERSE PROTECTORS! WELL, YOU HELD YOUR END OF THE DEAL! NOW LET GO OF MY TAIL!" yelled RJ, much to everyone's shock.

"What?" I said, in shock.

"LET GO!" yelled RJ, as he pushed me away.

That's when the chaos started: As soon as RJ got the Spuddies, me and him crashed onto the floor, waking up Tim.

"Guys, Tim's coming," said Bucky, frantically.

"RUUUUN!" yelled RJ.

The family nodded and ran out of the door, with the food. Meanwhile, Toppy, Tex, Rohan, Dave, and I were ;eft in the house to deal with Tim and the police.

"RJ, wait!" I said, noticing the family leaving. "He abandoned us. They all did."

"They're so selfish!" yelled Toppy.

At that moment, we all got shot in the foot by Tim, who had a Smith and Wesson Ruger in his hands that was smoking. We all screamed in pain after we got shot. Then, the cops arrived and brought us to death row.

Our troubles wouldn't end with us being executed. Thank goodness. But Vincent would be at his worst this time.

(To be continued...)