Jake Kirk

Jacob Edward Kirk III, better known as Jake, is a main character in the verse. He represents the "J" in the acronym. He attends Hetalia Valley as a junior (senior in current time). There, he is the captain of the chess team and was on the swim team for a month before he was forcibly removed. There, he is also known as the hottest exchange student to ever set foot in Hetalia Valley. He will be attending Cambridge University to study law and psychology & behavioral sciences.

## Attributes

### **Appearance**

Jake has light brown, wavy, fluffy, long-ish hair, that he considers his pride and joy. His hair is one of his most defining features. He also has an ahoge on his right side. He has very thick eyebrows that he is constantly grooming. He has a very attractive face, as his jawline is very strong and his overall structure is symmetrical and visually appealing. Rarely does he have acne or blemishes, and he refuses to disclose his face care routine for presumably selfish reasons. His eyes are hazel, and he has rather long eyelashes. He also gets freckles across his nose during summer. In short, he is very, very hot.

The best way to describe Jake's body type is twinkish. He is considerably tall, and he's somewhat lanky, too. His legs are rather long compared to his torso.

Jake dresses like a rich asshole, as he is typically seen with a collared button down with a sweater on top of it. He usually wears khakis with them. He has only been seen in a T-shirt once by the public. He sleeps completely in the nude.

### **Personality**

Jake is considered to be the most free-spirited member of the Clowns, and sometimes, a little too free-spirited. He is very quirky to the point of being confusing to most people. For example, in Christmas, Jake proudly gifted Allison a block of salt and a head of cauliflower, as if that was completely normal. He seems to be completely unaware of just how unusual he is, as he does everything without shame.

Jake speaks very formally, using big words. Simply put, he speaks as though he is reading a formal English in class essay aloud. He has an Australian accent, but because of his dialect, many people mistake him to be British. The things he says, however, as usually hit or miss. There are times, such as in Four Corners and Ten Minutes, where he is exceptionally good at comforting those who need it, being very encouraging (usually to Tony). Nevertheless, he can also say some pretty stupid stuff, such as in Four Corners where he responded to Matthias' request for him to kill Tony with, "With what?"

Jake's mood never seems to waver, as he always without fail is in a calm but positive mood. Even when there is extreme danger, he is able to keep his cool and encourage those around him to relax as well. His philosophy is on fear is along the lines of, "One is able to be afraid without showing it," and that can presumably apply to other emotions for him. as well. There are rare times where he can be seen smiling and laughing out of joy, however.

All in all, Jake is a rather sweet guy who appreciates his friends greatly, even though he comes off as a complete arrogant asshole. He stated in Ten Minutes that when he lived in Australia, he had a rather difficult time making friends, and that the Clowns have helped him learn to create meaningful bonds with others, and for that, he appreciates them.

## History

Jake was born and raised in Perth, Australia. A video of the interior and exterior of his house can be viewed here. There, he lived with a well known, wealthy family because his father, Jett Kirk, is the CEO of a well-off company. Jake worked casually for his father, cashing checks for him and making phone calls on his behalf occasionally. His mother, however, was rather strict and forceful regarding what Jake and his sister could and could not do as they grew up, and was relentless when it came to punishments when they broke those rules. As Jake grew older, he felt the need to rebel a little bit, which eventually got him in trouble. One of the rules Jake was placed under was that he was not allowed to have a significant other while he was in high school, but he longed for intimacy. As a result, Jake would constantly hook up with people who attended the same high school as him. Eventually, one of those hookups turned into a secret relationship, which his mother found out about a few months later. His mother blew up at him, and lead him to plan an escape.

Jake had a friend in Naperville who he talked to over the internet occasionally. He contacted that friend and asked if it was alright if he stayed with him for awhile to avoid dealing with his mother, and that friend complied. He developed a plan in which he would steal a large amount of his father's money one day when he was asked to cash some of his checks, and then flee to the United States. He stole around $5.6k and successfully made it to Naperville.

Jake's friend told him that he would have to move out at the end of the fall semester, as he would be moving out as well. As a result, when New Year's Day 2017 came, Jake revealed to the truth to why he was in Naperville to the Clowns, and after a long bout of problem-solving, Romeo offered to let him stay with him for the remainder of the school year.

## Relationships

### **Anthony Jones**

*Main article: Anthony Jones*

Jake considers Tony to be his best friend. It took awhile for the two of them to get acclimated to each other because of how hostile Tony was towards him at the start of their relationship. Jake is able to see the good in Tony regardless of how he acts, and believes he has a good amount of potential to be better in the future. He supports Tony in most everything he does, provides him encouragement and comfort when times are rough, and finds him to be quite entertaining at times. He also likes to give Tony hugs.

The two of them met at Snowball because of Romeo, and Jake always found Tony to be interesting. He found some form of comfort in Tony's anger, as Jake was nearly incapable of being that way himself. He also was curious of Tony's backstory because he was so closed off, and that drove him to talk to him more often.

### **Lauren Scott**

Jake and Lauren are close friends. The two of them have a strange relationship, though, because of Lauren's crush on Jake that lasted for nearly half a year. He considered pursuing a relationship with her at one point, however he decided it would not work out because he would be leaving for Perth at the end of 2016. However, once it was decided that he would be indeed staying with Romeo in Aurora, Lauren and Tony had already started dating before he could change his mind. He did not mind, though, because he had *other options.*

Now, Lauren and Jake hang out occasionally, as they both thrive off of the other's uniqueness and strangeness.

### **Romeo Vargas**

Jake lives with Romeo as of late January 2017. Jake, over time, has begun to open up to Romeo, trusting him more and more with his personal backstory and such. The two of them have grown to be quite close, and they enjoy each other's company. Jake appreciates Romeo's kindness, as he is not used to it.

## Trivia

* Apparently, the only thing he shaves is his arms. He does not grow facial hair.
* Jake is fluent in French, and is currently learning Mandarin.
* He longs to travel many places, and he has been to plenty in his youth, such as London, England, Beijing, China, and Cape Town, South Africa.
* Jake's chakras are aligned!
* He enjoys reading. He likes Shakespeare and other literature often read in English class. He especially likes A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, and he identifies heavily with Stephen Dedalus. He also has an affinity for poetry, and he writes his own occasionally.
* Jake can sleep standing up, sitting up, and sometimes with his eyes open, and no one knows why or how.
* He is left handed.
* He has recently picked up photography as a hobby, and he is quite good at it.
* Many people find Jake to be wildly attractive, however, when he opens his mouth and starts being cryptic, that "many people" turns into "no one."
* He is an expy of APH Hutt River.