Episode 46: An Incredible Simulation

The Chief calls Dick and Johnson as the two are playing *TMNT: Turtles in Time*. Within one of several simulated realities run by the government, an unknown entity has taken control of not only the simulation, but the real world around it. It's not a geostorm. The specific virtual world is based on the 90s *Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles* cartoon and is secretly being run inside Chief's Cheesy Triangles, the pizza restaurant in New York run by Dick and Johnson's friend, Chief. Dick and Johnson decide to further upgrade Macho Fan Randy Savage with more fan boats and then let Autopilot take them to New York, planning to meet the Chief at the pizzeria.

Arriving at the restaurant, the Chief appears to be absent, but as Dick and Johnson go through the painful process of jacking in to the system, they are greeted by a virtual version of the Chief. The Holo-Chief explains that they are not yet linked to the malfunctioning simulation, and that, once inside, they will be aided by Vanilla Ice, an AI specifically designed to assist agents.

The two good old boys enter the matrix and meet the—surprisingly robotic—Vanilla Ice AI who briefs them on the irregular activities in the world, such as too many bears, several of which immediately attack the three. While defending themselves, they spot mind control devices attached to the bears and deduce that the animals are innocent and should be freed or returned to the zoo, but not killed, and so defeat the animals without permanently harming them.

On the TV, the news report the same kind of bear attacks all over the city. Out in the street, Dick, Johnson, and Vanilla Ice witness bears raid the local stores, specifically stealing food and items kids would enjoy. Several armored vehicles with the symbol of the Foot Clan stop in the street and the bears begin unloading their loot into them. Ice easily eliminates the ninjas in one of the vans and turns the interior into a mobile DJ station. With the help of the car, the three follow the criminals into their lair undetected while enjoying Ice's mixes. To drive up the side of the building, they summon the power of 90s hits, but as they begin their ascent, reality around them begins to warp and the vehicle drives into an opening in the side of the structure.

The room inside appears to be a large assembly hall for the ninjas. Under the watchful eye of **Shredder**, soldiers are arming themselves, preparing for their next mission. At the end of the room, **Krang** is operating the control panel of a machine that allows him to exert his influence over the real world. Also Kang is there. After a very long commercial break for TNT's newest show, The Breather Dick, Johnson, and Ice, under cover of the fog from Ice's smoke machine, walk out in their parachute pants and hacky sack their opponents' heads off without getting an R-rating cause foot soldiers are all robots. However, when the bears are once again released, Dick and Johnson look for non-lethal measures, and so Ice rocks the mic like a vandal and repels the animals without hurting them. Johnson leads the bears outside via a honey slide, but inside, Krang uses his machine to alter the virtual world, trapping Dick in a cage. Ice manages to avoid the trap and faces off with Shredder.

Still trapped, Dick is being threatened by foot soldiers and is looking for a way to call out to his best friend. Through his will, he materializes the Heart Ring and uses it to telepathically ask for Johnson's help. Meanwhile, Johnson has freed the bears from Krang's mind control devices and leads them back into the fray to help his friends. With his own ninja skills, Vanilla Ice is a worthy opponent for Shredder, and the two trade blows as ice and metal clash. With a supersonic blast in the form of a one-liner, Ice finally knocks his opponent out.

Several mobile phones appear which the Chief uses to inform the heroes that Krang has hacked machinery in the real world in order to begin construction of actual robot ninjas. Dick and Johnson must complete their mission within the next forty-one minutes or the virtual world will need to be shut down with them still connected to it. Using the sturdy phones, the three beat down all remaining ninjas and are left with only Krang himself. Johnson pours pepper flakes into Krang's brain container, distracting him long enough for Ice and Dick to act. Dick discovers the Turtles chained to the wall as he approaches Shredder who is regaining consciousness. Deciding to break the cycle of letting villains escape, Dick breaks Shredder's neck in front of the horrified Turtles. He takes one of the metal bladed claws and throws it to Johnson who is flipping through the air. Johnson slices the head off of Krang's robot body and Ice catches the brain container as Krang tries to flee. After beating up and torturing the disembodied sentient brain for a while—and now earning an R-rating—Dick and Johnson have also killed Krang. Because there are still thirty-two minutes left in the show, **Bebop and Rocksteady** appear as well.

After Dick, Johnson, and Ice take some time bullying the villains' henchmen hard, Johnson sends the bears he has freed on Rocksteady. The animals brutally maul the mutant to death accompanied by an original Vanilla Ice rap about the beauty of nature. Bebop attempts to flee, but meets the same end as his companion, when he too is torn apart to the beats of Ice.

Dick frees the traumatized Turtles and cuts off Donatello's hand before having him examine Krang's machine. The tech-savvy turtle determines that it is still functional, but could be shut down. Because they have promised Ice to turn him into a real person, Dick and Johnson send the Turtles and their friends home, before using the remaining nineteen minutes to hack the mainframe. As Ice jacks into the system, he synchronizes with the entire virtual world, but Dick and Johnson are unable to connect to their cloning machine back home and so ask Ice to transport them into the computer directly.

Inside the computer within the virtual world, the three have a brief skirmish with Daft Punk, then race towards the mainframe on light bikes. In order to get Ice a real body, he must throw his identity disk into the system, but during this final step of becoming a real being, Ice experiences an identity crisis, unsure of who or what he actually is or will become, and hesitates. Dick and Johnson assure him that, even though the real Vanilla Ice is no longer musically relevant, AI Ice has the potential of continuing the legacy of his namesake. Ice pushes away his doubts and throws the disk. His virtual body disappears just as Dick and Johnson crash their bikes.

In the real world, the Chief argues with his staff to release Dick and Johnson from the system, despite the simulation still running. Just then, the two heroes wake up. Still shaken by the events and unsure of Ice's fate, the two forgo a detailed debriefing and have Autopilot take them home.

Inside their house, a real life Vanilla Ice steps out of the cloning vat to greet them, now able to control his powers and touch them. Ice thanks Dick and Johnson for making his dreams come true, not only of being in the real world and in control of his powers, but also finally experiencing true friendship. They celebrate the beginning of Ice's new life with a party in Dick and Johnson's fuckture.