Battle of Tsala

"*You mean... he's gone!"
"Then our arms have achieved one of the most pivotal victories of our era."
"Holy cow. We actually did it.*"
―Dante Christensen, Baby Intelligence, and Force Baby[src]
The **Battle of Tsala**, also known as the **Battle of the Dark Barrier** and the **Fall of Mr. Stupid NoHead**, was the last stand of Mr. Stupid NoHead against the S.M.S.B. and the armies of Italy. Foreshadowed by Bartholomew Gales, it saw the discovery of the Chosen One, Lindsay Kellerman, shortly before the battle began. After a skirmish near the Wells of Plasma within the heart of the grim fortress of Eden's Cleft, Mr. Stupid NoHead cast S.M.S.B. Grand Master Baby Intelligence out a window and onto a conveyor belt. Soon, an army of corrupted wolves made their presence known, but Kellerman and Force Baby, having caught up to their master, were able to subdue the wolves. Kellerman proceeded to escort the S.M.S.B. away from the trap and they disappeared back into the Pillar of Eden's Cleft, only to realize just how near they were to the horrific Tsalian capitol of Tophet.

Upon arriving, the babies located a machine Mr. Stupid NoHead had created and successfully destroyed it, preventing China from being destroyed. Upon discovering this, Mr. Stupid NoHead fought Baby Intelligence and overpowered him and dealt him a grievous wound, leading to the intervention of Merlin's second apprentice. After the wizard fought the Dark Lord to a stalemate, the latter made a final attempt on Baby Intelligence's life, only to burn to death upon being assaulted by the Voice of Sir Edgar Caravan along with Lindsay Kellerman. Unfortunately, Merlin's apprentice was forced to sacrifice himself to save his allies.

This event, especially the death of Mr. Stupid NoHead, marked a considerable change in pace of the Second NoHead War and kickstarted a chain of events leading to the return of the Police Grand Army. It also meant the temporary return of world peace and the end of tensions between Italy and the United States of America. Kellerman’s membership became official and she joined the S.M.S.B.

## Background

### Bartholomew Gales' vision

A vision of this battle was foreseen by Bartholomew Gales. Despite having a crush on Annabeth Black (who, ironically, would play a key role in the fighting), these worries were much more pressing. He saw a vision in which he found Mr. Stupid NoHead being immolated by his holding a glowing phial, and upon waking up, he felt almost as if he wanted to betray the NoHeads in real life.

### The shroud of the darkness

Early in 2029, the black sorcerer Galfalor of Eris sought out Saurya in a haunted nursery and slew her. He proceeded to kidnap Aegii and began torturing her to obtain the Klonham crystal, eventually succeeding in his objective. His lord, Mr. Stupid NoHead, prepared the crystal to clone a legion of wolves.

Many months later, Mr. Stupid NoHead was blasted into oblivion by aspiring superhero Baby Intelligence, during the Attack on the Fourth Dominion. Soon after, the Dark Lord came back to life through the efforts of his followers. Baby Intelligence, now with only Baby Strength and Force Baby left, kept a lookout on the MBH while training his two remaining friends. The trio had begun searching for the Chosen One who could destroy Mr. Stupid NoHead. Upon discovering the truth of the prophecy, the S.M.S.B. members flew onto a rooftop, where NoHeads Annabeth Black and Kenzie Walters Teleported in a surprise attack. Black used a telekinetic repulse on Baby Intelligence while Walters restrained Baby Strength in order to capture him. The women Teleported back to Tsala with their hostage.

At that moment, the Lunch Money Bandit attempted to mug two children, Percy and Stephanie. However, Force Baby arrived and caught him leaving with his loot, and he challenged him as Baby Intelligence rushed to join his side. When the bandit released a rocket, a nearby orphan baby named Lindsay Kellerman decapitated the projectile with her ability to vanish matter. Baby Intelligence thought this must surely be the baby he had foreseen would join. After the fight, Kellerman was taken to the MBH. The following morning, Baby Intelligence gave her the offer to join the S.M.S.B. Kellerman prepared to confirm it.

## Battle

### Infiltrating the Dark Barrier

Before Baby Intelligence could confirm Lindsay Kellerman’s registration, however, an alarm rang, alerting him to an emergency mission. The babies headed for the bank in their Pinewood Derby, hoping to prevent a bank robbery. Although they failed to reach the bank in time, Baby Intelligence saw the huge crack in the vault and hinted Mr. Stupid NoHead was the culprit. Kellerman seemed just as apprehensive as he was, recalling her last encounter with him. After explaining who he was to Kellerman, Intelligence summoned Force Baby back outside and they all headed for Tsala.

Eventually, the Romans plotted a course to liberate Baby Strength from captivity. However, in spite of all their efforts, the NoHeads ultimately thwarted them and Baby Strength remained a captive a while longer.

### Skirmish in the Towers of Scrutinization

As part of the battlements shattered, Annabeth Black managed to teleport into the Towers of Scrutinization on which Roman troops aimed projectiles. Black shot a Death beam, killing a Roman, and then drew a stream of electrical energy and directed it toward another trooper, who responded with a jet of fire which locked the two in battle. As inner circle elitist Qamar tried to teleport through one of the windows, he was spotted by Pythoman, who hit him with a staff which stunned him then sent him flying right back out to his death.

### Pursuit of the enemy

During the battle, Mr. Stupid NoHead tried to strike down every non-supporter in sight, until he saw Baby Intelligence had discovered his position and brought Annabeth Black with him to the Pillar of Eden's Cleft, hoping his enemy would follow him there. Baby Intelligence, along with Baby Strength, Lindsay Kellerman, and Force Baby, pursued him across several hallways. As they chased him, they ran into Hell Burnbottom, who they recognized from events at the McCallin House. Burnbottom tailed him alongside several F8 war robots. As they fired on the members, Kellerman suddenly disappeared behind a door. Trying to impede Burnbottom, Baby Intelligence cast a sixfold ring of Shields behind him, only for them to be bypassed. Burnbottom resumed pursuit until Baby Intelligence broke the bridge the NoHead attempted to follow him across, cutting him off.

Baby Intelligence proceeded into an antechamber, where Mr. Stupid NoHead was waiting. He immediately strangled Baby Intelligence, but Kellerman hurled a log at his face that caused him to let go of his prey. As NoHead turned to Lindsay, his disgust turned to delight. He reached for a vase and tried to throw it at her, but she ducked out of the way and it shattered. Seeing this, NoHead tore after Lindsay, deliberately moving with threatening strides. Lindsay nervously scrambled up a pile of logs, soon to be met by the Dark Lord, who made the logs fuse together to send Kellerman into the Wells of Plasma.

Seeing her predicament, Intelligence lunged forward and pushed her away from the vats of perverse energy, however, this caused him to tumble past Lindsay and fall near a windowsill. NoHead saw his chance and hurled logs that were near the wells at his opponent. Intelligence dodged several logs, and they fell out the window. Finally, he used his own log to knock one of the projectiles back at his adversary. Gritting his teeth, Mr. Stupid NoHead retaliated and seized a wagon, hurling the larger object at the baby. Baby Intelligence fell out a window and onto a conveyor belt. On Lindsay’s urging, the last two S.M.S.B. members leaped after their master, with Lindsay close behind. The Dark Lord allowed them to leave.

### The battle of the wolves

Clinging to the wagon, Baby Intelligence fell through a vat of mysterious red juices, with the other members close behind. Soon, the entirety of the would-be wolf army, enhanced by the Klonham crystal, made their presence known. Looking around him, Baby Intelligence realized he was outnumbered. Upon arriving, the other members helped Intelligence fight off the wolves, all utilizing their powers to their fullest. However, one of the wolves, in an attempt to seize and devour Intelligence, directed the wagon toward a waterfall leading into a fire pit. Lindsay wheeled around and calmly made Baby Intelligence disappear from his predicament. Then she caused all four babies to disappear back into the Tsalian capitol of Tophet itself.

### Confronting the Dark Lord

Upon arriving in the very heart of evil itself, the babies located a machine Mr. Stupid NoHead had created. When Baby Strength saw the controls were in German, he thought they were done for, but Baby Intelligence said it wouldn’t be a problem. He told it to self destruct in the foreign language, and it blew up moments later. The explosion alerted Mr. Stupid NoHead, and he left the upper levels of the horrific tower to learn the S.M.S.B. had returned from the abyss. Mr. Stupid NoHead and Baby Intelligence stared at each other and began to circle each other. More fearful than he had been in his entire life, Baby Intelligence cited that neither of them could live amongst each other, and that one of them was going to leave for good. Mr. Stupid NoHead would not indulge most of his enemy's remarks even as mortal enemies circled one another. His words were weighted and chiselled as he proclaimed that Baby Intelligence's achievements were accident and chance, while Baby Intelligence said that Mr. Stupid NoHead wouldn't be able to kill any of them ever again, because Baby Intelligence was ready to die to stop him from hurting them. Mr. Stupid NoHead did not speak but continued prowling in a circle, finally implying with a horrifically perverse gesture that if nobody sacrificed themselves for Baby Intelligence, that nothing would save Baby Intelligence. His subsequent laugh was humorless and insane, a sound more frightening than his screams, which echoed around the silent chamber. Mr. Stupid NoHead said that he had brought about two police purges and the control of the star system and beyond, but Baby Intelligence realized with bittersweet ambivalence that Carol Wilcox had been right all along: the Dark Lord's mind was wrapped solely around the idea that power was an end in itself, and felt he required no further purpose in life. Refusing to lay bare the mounting horror the mere presence of his enemy was instilling, Baby Intelligence shakily asked Mr. Stupid NoHead to halt his conquest of the cosmos, but the Dark Lord had no intentions of backing down, yet he still did not strike. Mr. Stupid NoHead, whose hand was trembling on his sword, asked what would become of the surviving police once Baby Intelligence was gone. Baby Intelligence gripped his sword very tightly; he could feel the enemy's blade coming. He added, in an apprehensive whisper, that every moment either of them had lived, had led to this.

The two began to duel. Baby Intelligence realized his opponent was toying with him. Finally, Mr. Stupid NoHead got the better of Baby Intelligence and dealt him a grievous wound, around the time that Annabeth Black arrived at the platform. Baby Intelligence quietly activated the magic of the platinum pencil he had been given, just as Mr. Stupid NoHead prepared to finish him off. At that moment Merlin's apprentice arrived from under a broken table, having received the message. He immediately cast a spell to free Baby Intelligence. Mr. Stupid NoHead told the wizard he had been seeking him for a long time and that the NoHeads could use his help, but Merlin's apprentice calmly stated that he was not there on the villain's behalf. In response, the Dark Lord ordered Black and a contigent of robots after him. When she charged obediently, the wizard raised his arm and cast a Mutilation Curse that rent the sky for miles, destroying the robots and stunning Black. Impressed, NoHead taunted him with impending death and telekinetically threw his wand towards the Chamber of Fire. It landed near it, but through its magical nature it did not burn. Mr. Stupid NoHead drew his sword and began dueling the wizard himself, who took the chance to shout at Baby Intelligence to fetch his wand as fast as possible. Mr. Stupid NoHead's mutantry was hampered by his extreme concentration in countering Merlin's apprentice's masterful sword attacks. During the chaos, Black left the Pillar of Eden's Cleft through the Spaise Matrix.

As their swords clashed, Baby Intelligence rushed down the slide, jumped off halfway, and retrieved the wand. He then climbed up the slide, but when he made it back to the platform, he saw a great monster recognizing the wizard's presence, having been let out of a cage by Mr. Stupid NoHead. As it was rearing, Baby Intelligence threw the wizard his wand. Mr. Stupid NoHead attempted to telekinetically take the wand, but failed and it reached its owner. While the monster was striking down with exposed fangs and a completely opened jaw, Merlin's apprentice backed up and slashed at the creature with his wand in a flick like movement, gravely injuring it and sending its bulky form hurtling towards Mr. Stupid NoHead with a magically-enhanced kick. NoHead likewise defended himself by telekinetically pushing the monster aside and into the Chamber of Fire to be consumed.

Merlin's apprentice then cast a complex spell, where he shattered several objects around them so that the pieces and shards erupted and flowed out surrounding and encasing Mr. Stupid NoHead inside an enchanted cage of fire held together by visible purple energies in an attempt to immolate him and finish the duel. Merlin's apprentice maintained the shape of the complex fire cage by continually sculpting and spinning it. Baby Intelligence called his name, but then he realized his mistake when the wizard's concentration broke as he turned his head. This combined with Mr. Stupid NoHead furiously tearing at the white-hot cage bars caused the cage to explode, allowing the Dark Lord to escape from his fiery prison.

The Dark Lord then turned invisible, feigning Deteleportation. As the wind dissipated, one last breeze blew toward the two and the wizard told Baby Intelligence to flee the battle, since he was too exhausted to keep fighting. Baby Intelligence insisted on staying by his savior's side.

### The Qisheng's downfall

Before they could argue over the matter, Mr. Stupid NoHead emerged as his silhouette erupted in the form of a black eye. He bore down on his enemies and summoned illusions of nine RC units. Baby Strength and Force Baby are alarmed at the sight of Mr. Stupid NoHead, while Merlin's apprentice raised his sword. The Dark Lord declared their time was up and sent the robots forth to finish them off. Using his last ounce of strength, Baby Intelligence rose and entered into the Voice of Sir Edgar Caravan, a spiritual and ethereal form. Lindsay did likewise and an electric bond locks their bodies together. Baby Intelligence extended his hand, which instantly blazed with Sir Edgar's extraordinary light and the robots dissipated immediately. Bound to Baby Intelligence, Kellerman was forced to do likewise, assisting in destroying the mutations.

Baby Intelligence and Kellerman engaged in a short but heated battle with Mr. Stupid NoHead, trying to dominate each others' mind. Mr. Stupid NoHead tried to sway them, but Sir Edgar defied him with scornful words. NoHead's body began to fluctuate, constantly revolving and reshaping as Sir Edgar assaulted him and attempted to drive him into the Chamber of Fire. The outcome was that the two babies were able to penetrate Mr. Stupid NoHead's mind and Sir Edgar issued a single command "Go forth into Purgatory and never return!" Unable to resist them any longer, Mr. Stupid NoHead fell back into the Chamber of Fire, letting out one final grunt of anguish as he was incinerated. The shockwave from his contact with his own unholy power was intense, and Mr. Stupid NoHead — Dark Lord, self-proclaimed Emperor of the entire Sol System, and the man who wrought evil upon countless worlds throughout the cosmos for four long decades — was finally destroyed both physically and spiritually permanently, bringing the Dark Order as all knew it to its final conclusion. But Baby Intelligence and Kellerman were both rendered weak after their remarkable strife and fell back; the Prime Minister rushed in to support Kellerman while Merlin's apprentice did likewise for Baby Intelligence.

A moment later, Mr. Stupid NoHead's mangled corpse exploded in a mass of Dark energy far more intense than even the aforementioned shockwave, sending deadly waves of blackness at the platform. Merlin's apprentice sacrificed himself, sprinting forwards and hurtling all his magic at the waves. The employment of magic was far too much for the old man, who died as the Dark energies vanished permanently.

## Aftermath

"*I believe we have a keeper!*"
―Baby Intelligence[src]
Baby Intelligence and Lindsay Kellerman were moved to Rome American Hospital, where Sir Edgar Caravan appeared to Kellerman, who was struggling to fight off his Voice's after-effects, which included flashes of red light and tormenting memories. Finally leaving her subconscious, he proceeded to comfort Baby Intelligence, thanking him profoundly for the effort he put into finding the three scrolls. Now that his final purpose had been served, Sir Edgar prepared to dissolve into the netherworld. After five days unconscious, Baby Intelligence awoke to find the Prime Minister standing before him. He explained that Kellerman was already awake before Force Baby and Dante Christensen entered the room together. Baby Intelligence's friends told him the reason Mr. Stupid NoHead had been destroyed. After the battle was over, peace returned to New York. Lindsay Kellerman’s membership became official and she joined the S.M.S.B. A number of celebrations were held by the free peoples to celebrate the fall of the Shadow in the North. Baby Intelligence continued to train his youthful charges, yet he often suffered bouts of pain from the scar on his chest left by the Pale Hand.

The Arcanus' actions at the office building following the great battle gave much insight into how Mr. Stupid NoHead's ranks were assembled. Despite the late Dark Lord having gathered key supporters around him, there was little solidarity among them, which showed a major difference between the NoHeads and the Police Grand Army. The NoHeads constantly competed with one another to ascend in the Dark Lord's eyes, and many were affronted that Annabeth Black, who was still regarded with suspicion by others, was invited to sit at the right hand of the Dark Lord while more fanatical members occupied a lower position at the foot of the metaphorical table. This desire to please the Dark Lord during his lifetime was all for naught, as he had shown that he demanded absolute loyalty and servitude while offering his followers little in return. Such meetings such as in the aforementioned office building created an atmosphere where disharmony could quickly set in, prompting the followers of the Lord of the Dark Lands to seek their own reward any way they could, even by turning against another. In the Grand Army, however, the organization rallied around Baby Intelligence in a unified goal to protect him and defeat the NoHeads; this was far more important than material gains or an individual's status within their group, and it served to strengthen, rather than divide them.

## References

1. ↑ *The Marauder*
2. ↑ *Sebiscuits: Dawn of Transcendence*
3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 3.2 3.3 3.4 3.5 3.6 3.7 *The Super Babies: Pride of the Super Babies*
4. ↑ *The Super Babies: Final Clash of Brethren*
5. ↑ *The Super Babies: The Blabberish Singer*