Learning to Hate

"*I'm not trying to give an etiquette lesson. I'm trying to learn how to FUCKING HATE!*"
―Erik
Learning to Hate is the 62nd lesson of Internet Comment Etiquette. It was released on December 31, 2016.

## Summary

Erik hosts the lesson from his cabin far from civilization. He notes that after all these years he's never learned how to hate, and he seeks to correct this so he can understand his students. He watches a video of Klanmembers but accidentally starts to write a polite comment.

Erik tries to find some videos that get him riled up into hate. He watches a Steven Anderson video where he denies the Holocaust. Erik starts to leave a hateful comment, but it quickly turns to understanding and compassion. Erik finds a guy that encourages beating your daughter to instill morals into her and is ready to hate him, but then Erik finds a video of him shooting things and decides he's actually not wrong after all. He moves onto a video that argues Obama isn't actually black. He finds a bunch of hateful people in the comments and tries to learn from it. Erik manages to post a truly hateful comment but turns to acceptance before he's able to finish.

He watches a video about hate, and he learns that hate is how people react when they don't understand something. Erik doesn't understand how Donald Trump still has supporters. He tries to send him a hateful tweet, but ends up professing his love because he can make money off of Trump supporters. He advertises one of his parody Trump posters on the Salviaerik store, but explains that it's difficult to ship to New York because of all the rats. He explains that he simply doesn't understand New York at all, and he hates it.

With the revelation that he actually hates something, Erik goes to Yelp and explains in full detail what is wrong with New York. The hate is so intense that he spews blood. With his hatred awakened, he learns to hate more things: cops, Apple, The Walking Dead, Twitter sex robots, Hollywood's acquiescence to China, YouNow, Ted Cruz, and himself. The hatred is so intense that Erik falls into a coma. He goes into a forest in his coma and finds wine and a haircut.

## Comments

*I hate this fucking video so much I had to throw my baby at the computer to turn it off. If I was God I'd hit you with a lightning bolt that makes you Jewish just to watch you spend all your money on foreskin reconstructive surgery. Then again you're probably this way because of the environment that you grew up in and not everyone who spews dumb shit is a bad person. I'm sure you're a loving guy who's kind to those around him just so long as they're not brown. And it's not right to hate you just because you say bad, very dumb things that make you look like an idiot to the rest of the world or at least the ones who stay the fuck away from your freakshow of a congregation. I mean if the internet didn't exist I wouldn't even know who the fuck you are and I'd probably be better off, so whatever I'm just gonna be like God and ignore you PEACE.*
- Erik

*YO WHAT'S UP PUSSIES I'M THE GUY WHO PUT OBAMA TOGETHER LOL I THOUGHT I DID A GOOD JOB BUT YOU GOT ME MAN. YEAH HE'S JUST SOME TAIWANESE DUDE WHO WE TOOK OFF THE STREET AND WRAPPED A COUPLE SKIN FLAPS OVER HIS FACE AND BING BANG BONG THAT'S AN OBAMA. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I HATE HOW STUPID YOU PEOPLE ARE. I'M TIED TO SOME DARK SHIT BUT AT LEAST I'M NOT A PATHETIC YOUTUBE CONSPIRACY THEORIST DRAWING OVER THE PRESIDENT'S FACE IN MSPAINT WHILE PEOPLE SOMEHOW EVEN MORE MENTALLY UNHINGED GATHER IN THE COMMENTS SECTION LIKE A LEPER COLONY FOR NUTJOBS WHO STOPPED GETTING
INVITED TO THEIR FRIENDS' PARTIES BECAUSE THEY CAN'T SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT PIZZAGATE! I COULD PUBLISH THIS ENTIRE COMMENT SECTION AS A BOOK CALLED "218 REASONS TO NUKE THE SOUTH" AND MAKE ENOUGH MONEY TO GET MY OWN OBAMA FACE SURGERY. ANYWAY I'M A GAY TRANSSEXUAL MUSLIM FROM KENYA WHO ADOPTS BABIES FOR WELFARE CHECKS BUT YO AT THE END OF THE DAY I THINK IT'S COOL THAT YOU GUYS ARE PRACTICING FREE SPEECH SO CARRY ON DUDES GOOD STUFF.*
- Erik

*@realDonaldTrump I'M GONNA MAKE SO MUCH MONEY OFF YOUR SUPPORTERS LOL THANKS FOR SHOWING ME HOW TO DO IT LUV U BRO*
- @commentiquette

*New York City is the Barack Obama of destinations, in that it tricks millions of people into loving it only to make them suffer. Hell the only difference is that New York was actually born in America. I hate this fucking city so much that I actually visit every now and then just to confirm that it still sucks more dick than a Mohel performing Metzitzah B'Peh.**You people wouldn't know a good city if it came up and groped you on the subway. New York is a filthy fucking dickpile of human garbage and literal garbage. Hey New York men, roll your fucking pant legs down and put on some socks if you're going to wear those goddamn dress shoes. This isn't Saudi Arabia, you're not making any kind of statement by showing off your ankles unless the statement is "I saw Chris Pine do this on Kimmel" you beanie wearing bike messenger professional iPhone photographer black rimmed glasses wearing walking Buzzfeed demographics. And New York women, maybe you should talk a little bit louder in public because I don't think that guy in the back of the restaurant heard about the podcast that made you cry
this morning, followed by you fake-wishing you could do something to make the world a better place even though you barely have your own shit figured out. But hey don't worry because the world IS a better place when compared to New York City! (except for florida)**New York smells like a dog that eats out of the dumpster behind a sushi restaurant and has also never had its anal glands expressed. I'd rather run through a forest of used mystery needles than live in that colonized sinkhole, and this is me putting it politely.**In conclusion, you people like to anthropomorphize this city like its some kind of stern but loving mother figure. In reality, New York is an old half dead hairless cat caked in its own shit that vomits more than it eats. I hate you all, you're the reason Trump won, and I'm looking forward to your only rebuttals being Jay Z lyrics. Pure Hatred Salvia OVER AND OUT*
- Erik

*YEAH FUCK THESE CORRUPT ASSHOLES I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY "OH THEY'RE MYEH THEY'RE NOT ALL BAD" "EWWHH MY DADS A COP HES A GREAT MAN" WELL YOUR DAD BEATS UP BLACK DUDES AND SHOOTS DOGS FUCK COPS*
- Erik

*HELL YEAH I FUCKING HATE THIS DUMBASS DONGLE COMPANY TOO! I'D RATHER SHIT AN APPLE OUT MY DICK THAN GET ONE OF THESE RIPOFF TRASH BRICKS. I COULD SCREAM INTO MY BOYFRIENDS ASSHOLE AND STILL GET BETTER RECEPTION THAN THE JAMBLED TOGETHER MESS OF WIRES AND LITTLE ASIAN BOY FINGERTIPS TRAPPED INSIDE THESE PIECE OF SHIT GOVERNMENT PROBE RIPOFF DICKHEAD FUCKBOXES BIG HATRED SALVIA OVER AND OUT BYE FUCK YOU*
- Erik

*I THOUGHT THIS SHOW WAS MADE IN CHINA FOR A WHILE BECAUSE OF ALL THE UNREGULATED PLASTIC FILLER MATERIAL BEING USED TO PRODUCE IT. THE WALKING DEAD SHOULD WIN AN EMMY FOR "LEAST AMOUNT OF GOOD EPISODES IN A 7 YEAR RUN." FUCK YOU IF YOU WATCH THIS SHOW I'M RIGHT YOU'RE WRONG*
- Erik

*@KeybladeMistris ANALYSIS TELL UR MAKER THAT JUST BECAUSE HES THE LONELIEST MAN ON EARTH DOESN'T MEAN ANYONE ELSE IS GONNA FALL 4 THIS SHIT*
- @commentiquette

*@TEDCRUZ I WANNA MAKE A MOVIE WHERE YOU AND MAO ZEDUNG ARE BOYFRIENDS*
- @commentiquette

*hey eff you buddy*
- Erik

*@tedcruz fuck u fat nips*
- @commentiquette

*YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE SOMETHING AND NOW ALL YOU HAVE IS A SHITTY YOUTUBE CHANNEL WHERE YOU SHITPOST UNDER THE SAME FORMULA FOR EVERY VIDEO YOU DUMB FAT FAGGOT. NOBODY UNDERSTANDS THE TRUE MESSAGE YOU'RE TRYING TO PUT ACROSS, INSTEAD TAKING EVERYTHING YOU SAY AT FACE VALUE AND ACTING LIKE YOUR COMMENTS ARE WHERE YOUR WISDOM IS, IGNORING THE BROADER LESSON AT HAND. YOU'VE FAILED EVERY MISSION OF YOUR LIFE. EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE IS A SIN AGAINST THE HOPE YOU HAD AS A CHILD. YOU'RE A MISTAKE, A MUTATION OF SOMETHING THAT WAS MEANT TO SUCCEED. YOU SHOULD CLOSE YOUR EYES FOREVER AND BUILD A BETTER LIFE INSIDE YOUR IMAGINATION WHERE YOU MIGHT FINALLY TAKE A ROAD THAT DOESN'T LEAD TOWARDS DISAPPOINTMENT YOU TWO-BIT EIGHT YEARS IN THE MAKING PIECE OF DOGSHIT I HATE YOU GOODN*
- Erik

## Context

1. ↑ Pizzagate is a conspiracy theory arguing that Democrats are running a child sex ring in the basement of a pizza restaurant. It became popular and widely-believed in far-right circles.
2. ↑ Metzitzah B'Peh is a practice in some Jewish traditions where a baby's penis is circumcised by someone trained in the practice, a Mohel, and then the Mohel puts his mouth to the baby's penis and sucks on it to get the blood out.
3. ↑ Apple earned notoriety for removing headphone jacks from their devices, requiring users to purchase a separate dongle to restore compatibility.
4. ↑ Mao Zedong led the overthrow of the democratic Chinese government in the 1940s and replaced it with the authoritarian government it has today.

## Video

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