Parrish, Lilyan I

## Lilyan I. Parrish

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**Please note:** Lilyan's Goodreads profile is constantly changing, and we are doing our best to keep up with the constant changes. Please excuse any out-of-date information and be aware that this page will change often.

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## Subject overview

Lilyan I. Parrish is a registered SIA subject since March 10, 2023. This article will give as much detail as possible into what is known about this person. The info box on the right provides some detailed at-a-glance information, but for deeper diving you will want to read through this article. Lilyan's subject ID is 49682.

**Please note that Lilyan Parrish is an actual living person.** Attempt to make contact with her at your own risk. Unless you are a SIA agent, it is highly advised that you do not attempt to make contact. Thank you for your cooperation.

The following is an accurate description of as many aspects of Lilyan Parrish's life as we can compile. Get a good snack, settle into a comfortable chair, and start reading.

## Biographical information

Lilyan Isabel Parrish was born to Christopher and Trish Parrish on February 3, 2014. We do not have very many details on this early aspect of her life, but we do know that her **zodiac is Aquarius** from this information. Actually, this is very accurate, since our subject is *very* proficient and *very* orz in \*cough cough\* water-related activities. How much of a coincidence is that?

She is currently nine years old at the current time (November 2023). Based on several sightings by SIA agents, we have discerned that her eye color is either black or brown (hey, it's hard to tell from 50 feet away) and that her hair color is a dark brown, after the unfortunate incident in May of 2023. Although her weight is unknown (look, how are we supposed to lug a scale in and somehow get her to stand on it?) we know that she is approximately 57 inches tall. This has changed - obviously - since the subject was first added to the SIA database. It is part of the reason why our subject is classified as \*more coughing\* *extremely orz* in the SIA community.

Although the only times SIA agents have heard her speaking were in noisy, cramped environments (see: the May 2023 meet disaster), we have determined that right now our subject has a high-pitched but not annoying tone of voice. On a scale of 1-10 we have concluded that it is around 7. She tends to speak with clarity and doesn't pronounce *r's* as *w's* or anything ridiculous like that.

## Personality

Lilyan's personality is difficult to comprehend, especially since we have only witnessed her speaking in a few different occasions. However, we have been able to determine a few things from her Goodreads account as well. Overall, she has a nice, calm, un-demanding tone of voice in person. But, when talking amongst her peers (first through 8th place on this list are included) tends to adopt a condescending, snarky tone in some situations. Most of the time, however, this is not the case. One of the best examples we have ever gotten of a conversation was during the May 2023 excursion, in which our subject was talking to a friend quite loudly (SIA subject ID 49276).

While not extremely loquacious, our subject does tend to engage in conversation fairly readily. SIA agent 2006Pontiac was able to start a brief 20-second conversation with our subject without anyone else about one of the main incidents of the May 2023 event. Lilyan was not acting in a condescending or snarky manner towards the SIA agent, fortunately. In fact, both seemed quite engaged in the conversation. However, it only lasted 20 seconds as the conversation naturally degraded. Perhaps this was just because of the pure ridiculousness of the situation that prohibited any disagreement from occurring (how could you possibly disagree on a subject like this?). This was the only actual conversation that was ever able to be established with our subject, unfortunately.

### More about Aquarians

As mentioned earlier in this article, Lilyan is an Aquarian - that is, her zodiac sign is Aquarius. From this information we can derive quite a bit about her personality, although none of this is subjective of what she is *actually* like, since our agents have barely even had a chance to engage in conversation with our subject, unfortunately.

According to this article on allure.com, Aquarians are "undoubtedly the most innovative, progressive, rebellious, and humanitarian." This matches up with a similar, older personality explanation document <link here> that SIA compiled based on information found about Lilyan's name. Unfortunately, this latter information is probably now inaccurate, even though it may match up with what we've found here. The article also notes that "while Aquarius can often be found planning or proudly flaunting their funky fashion sensibility, they also have an often overlooked sensitive side that requires appreciation, support, and love." SIA agent 2006Pontiac tends to agree with about 65-70% of this information. While Lilyan appears to display a need for support, appreciation, and kindness, we're not sure where the "funky fashion sensibility" comes in, although we could be wrong about this since we don't really know the insides and outs of our subject here.

The article goes on to state that "every Aquarian is a rebel at hart: these air signs don't mesh well with authority-figures...". We do see some of this in practice, although we're not sure if what goes on really is a natural not-meshing-well with authority figures. One time TCN agent 2006Pontiac observed Lilyan disobeying orders from an authority figure at a session and then getting called out. Although we wouldn't call our subject a *rebel,* there definitely is some sort of personality like that in the mix.

However, the new few sections of the article are by far the most interesting and accurate. Aquarians are mentioned to be extremely stubborn, which we can definitely see in Lilyan's online tone and in-person activities. During a heated discussion with subject number 49276 during the May 2023 event which was Lilyan's friend at the time, some **very idiotic SIA members that have since been exiled, fired, and ostracized from SIA forever** started to get on our subject's bad side. In return, they received an angry but quiet tirade from Lilyan and a personal silent treatment for the rest of the event. (Wow - there is just *so much* we can learn from that one event). Anyways, we have seen her stubbornness and irritability on display once, and we think that is enough.

In the "Who should Aquarius avoid" section, we gain some more interesting knowledge: Aquarians had better damn well stay away from Taurus and Scorpio or disaster will ensue, according to the article. Well, not *disaster.* But it appears that they can be a bit problematic to Aquarians because of their fixed, stubborn personalities - two mule-headed people in the same room would not go well, obviously. It is also mentioned that "freedom is of the utmost importance for Aquarians, who view challenges to their independence as power-hungry attempts to control them."

This was also put on display in the May 2023 aggravation incident: the gadflies from SIA who got on Lilyan's bad side mentioned that "you'd be stupid to not eat this [expletive removed]. It's so [expletive removed] that if you don't like it, I'll [potentially disturbing threats redacted]." Lilyan must have - definitely have - felt that her independence was being undermined here at this moment, because the SIA idiots were chipping away at Lilyan's ability to choose which snacks she wanted to have at the event. She took this as an offense - an attempt to control them - and bawled them the hell out for it. Well, good riddance. Those SIA [expletive removed] were being jerks to *everyone* that day.

To conclude, just from knowing Lilyan's zodiac sign, we have found out a lot of (plausible) information about her character. We also know that the only good fits for her personality are Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius. That's very unfortunate, because no one on the SIA team possesses one of those zodiacs. Oh well, it's not like the information is probably accurate anyway.

## Recorded Story

The following section contains the one recorded storyline that has occurred between TCN Agent 2006Pontiac and Lilyan Parrish. This did not actually happen. Instead, it is a simulation of something that could happen. It is probably the most accurate storyline that has come up yet. It is long, so it is behind a spoiler tag.

We (Lilyan and 2006Pontiac) are sitting in a loud classroom. It is approximately twelve noon. We are in a language arts class, apparently, from the things that are written on the whiteboard. We are sitting in a corner of the room with a few papers scattered across a table in front of us. Behind us is a window, but the blinds are shut, letting in only glimmers of sunlight.

The papers appear to be an exercise that we've been assigned. There are groups of two students wandering around the room, so I have to assume that we are in a group.

I look at the papers. One of them has a short passage that we've been instructed to read. Then, there is a series of questions on another page that the other person in the group needs to ask the one who did the reading. There is some assorted text at the bottom of the short passage, but I don't really care what it says.

"So I guess I'm gonna read this, right?" I say to Lilyan.

"Sure, I mean, that's what it says in the instructions. Just, like, try to summarize what you've read and then I'll ask you a few questions." she says. I pick up the paper with the short passage and start reading. Coming into this class with no foreknowledge of anything that we're doing in here is tricky. Although I don't know the school we're in, the class, or the teacher (or any of the other students, for that matter), I *do* know Lilyan - from a world outside this dream. And so far what I'm seeing and hearing from her is exactly the way I figured it would all fall into place.

The passage is simple. It's about a science experiment that some random kid performed on his freezer, and how water freezes at lower than 32 degrees Fahrenheit. It's third-grade science, or lower. But then, isn't Lilyan *in* 3rd grade? That's what I had assumed, all those months that had gone by. So maybe this is a third-grade science classroom? I don't want to ask Lilyan because she might think something is wrong with me.

"OK, I finished reading it," I announce after a few minutes. With a grin on her face - I don't know why - Lilyan picks up the other piece of paper, the one with the questions on it, and looks it over.

There are a few moments of silence.

"Oh no, we only have 1 minute left to work on this!" Lilyan's grin fades away into a worried quavering expression.

"Can we just go through these questions in less than one minute? I mean, there are only five of them."

"Of course not!" They're - well - *advanced* questions, a

The scene cuts; the storyline has come to an end. I am left feeling confused.

## Swimming engagement

As is probably already obvious to you, Lilyan is very engaged in the sport of swimming. Unlike many of her peers, she continues to aspire to reach new heights \*cough cough\* and \*cough\* attain new goals. She is currently in the top-ten ranking in her team for many different strokes. But, it makes sense that being an Aquarius, you'd want to be a very orz person in the water. This section will detail as much as possible what we know about Lilyan's swimming engagement, her history on the team, and what we can predict for the future.

### The Bronze group (March 2023 and prior)

Before the re-organization of March 2023 of the swim team, Lilyan participated in a group called Bronze 2, starting in around early 2021. (Yes, she had been in the group for over 2 YEARS). She practiced every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday from 4:15 to 5:15 PM - and so did SIA agent 2006Pontiac. This overlapping of schedules resulted in *many, many* opportunities being created for 2006Pontiac to attempt to make contact with Lilyan. However, at the time she was not in the SIA subject database, and the SIA had no reason to conduct investigations on her. Since she wasn't added into it until around early March, by then it was far too late to get any serious investigations done.

Three times a week, Lilyan would come to practice and be very orz. Of course, she wasn't quite as orz as today in the very beginning - it was reported that her record time for the 50 freestyle back in around late 2021, when she was at the age of 7 - was a meager fifty-one seconds. Now, of course, that has exploded downwards (see the next section). But it is comforting, in a sense, to know that Lilyan was not always orz.

As soon as Lilyan was entered into the SIA database, 2006Pontiac kicked investigations into overdrive. At every pre-practice exercise session, Lilyan would be engaging in more loquacious conversation with her friends in that group, and every time 2006Pontiac attempted to start a conversation with her. But it never worked. She was always too far out of reach, or too engaged in a conversation. Then 2006Pontiac attempted to get in adjacent *lanes* during the actual practice to hope to establish some form of communication. That never worked, because 2006Pontiac's own peers in the group kept getting in the way - there are only two occurrences on record in which 2006Pontiac was adjacent to Lilyan in the pool.

There were a few good practices, in which it seemed like the light at the end of the tunnel was getting brighter; that is, 2006Pontiac was getting closer to Lilyan in the investigation-work sense. However, the one incident that tipped everything off was the following:

### The Great Big Announcement Incident

At sometime in early March, just a few days after it had been announced that a large re-organization was about to take place, everyone was scrambling to find out which group they would be placed into. The groups were in a pyramid structure (huh, more pyramid schemes) and the higher up you went on it, the "more orz" you supposedly were. The left side of it was for the younger swimmers - aged below 10. The right side of it was for those aged *over* 10, but not more than 13 because then you'd be shunted off to another world. (Just kidding). And there was a series of groups - called the Orz Belt - that ran right across the top and spanned the **Gold group** and the **Bronco** group, on the left and right sides of the pyramid, respectively. If you were in one of these groups, or higher, you were supposed to be one of the orzest people who ever orzed an orz on the planet.

During the pre-practice exercise one time, all hell broke out. One of the **SIA gadflies who would later go on to cause the May 2023 flip-out incident** (see above) approached Lilyan and asked which group she was going to. SIA agent 2006Pontiac remembers muttering, "That's a bold move, there, [we can't name names]. Especially since you're literally a hobbit compared to Lilyan." Spoiler alert: that SIA idiot was a hobbit to pretty much everyone in the team. But setting that aside, he went up to Lilyan to ask which group she was going to, and she said

"I'm going to Gold!"

The entire rest of the session, 2006Pontiac was basically going "holy [expletive], holy [expletive], she's going to the [expletive] Orz Belt!" Of course, he couldn't concentrate on anything other than the impeding doom of the SIA investigation that was his job. He would most certainly not be able to continue to conduct investigations - 2006Pontiac had already found out that his place in the almighty pyramid was at the very bottom. Trying to communicate with someone who he knew was destined to set up shop in the Orz Belt was more than difficult.

As you probably guessed, little investigating was conducted between the months of March and April. However, there was a series of meets around April and May that enabled 2006Pontiac to sort of get back in the investigating flow. The next session will be a description of the particularly memorable May 2023 meet, and the disasters and findings that ensued from that one.

### The May 2023 meet

Although we had already discussed a little bit about this meet back in the "Personality" section, it is now time for us to take a deep dive into the matters that occurred during this meetup. It is an influential one because of the many disasters that occurred, and the large amounts of information that SIA agent 2006Pontiac was able to gain. It is also home to the one and only conversation - alone - that 2006Pontiac had with Lilyan.

**The meet was scheduled to take place on May 13, 2023, on Saturday.** SIA agent 2006Pontiac had signed up for quite a few events - we believe it was four - but didn't expect to be as orz as our subject, as always, because *no one* is as orz as our subject. Anyways, we knew that Lilyan had signed up for 4 events as well, according to the heat sheet that was released a couple days prior to the meet. She was set to do the usual: blow everyone away in freestyle, churn up the water into lava with backstroke, and orzify the hell out of everyone with just about everything else. SIA agent 2006Pontiac saw Lilyan enter the meet at around 9:30 AM but wasn't able to establish communication as she was busy talking to other people.

Lilyan had set up shop in the corner of the building, just a few feet away from the bathrooms. She was seated to the left of SIA agent 2006Pontiac the entire time, with a little circle of peers around her. Her friend whose name we are not aware of yet was seated right next to her. Originally we thought the friend's name was Ted, but after further investigation we found that this was not true. Anyways, there were about four or five different people seated around 2006Pontiac who were part of the SIA (but not agents, of course). They were simply there to lighten the mood and to write down anything notable about Lilyan that could be put into articles like these in the future.

The meet started out well enough. Lilyan went off to do her events, and so did SIA agent 2006Pontiac. However, the following incident (described in the next sub-section) was enough to put Lilyan in a bad mood for the entire rest of the session.

#### "That darn cap came off!"

This incident may have a funny name (derived from what a fellow SIA member said while observing the incident happening) but what happened is *certainly not* funny. Lilyan was swimming some event or another at around 10:30 AM in the morning during the May 2023 meet. Suddenly, after having a sudden slow-down and ramming into the lane-line, a catastrophe occurred that caused her to be forced under the lane-line and lose approximately 7 seconds (timing courtesy of SIA agent 2006Pontiac). It was a terrible disaster, but her overall time was still very orz, despite the incident. There was much talk of the disaster afterwards.

#### "Lilyan flips out!"

The following event is the one described in the "Personality" section, in which the idiotic SIA members got on Lilyan's bad side and caused a serious bawling-out to occur next to 2006Pontiac. The gist of what happened is that one of the SIA members - we'll call him Number One - opened a bag of foul-smelling snack powder and started dumping it all over himself. Then, Number Two and Number Three started laughing and urging Number One to do more, creating a huge ruckus. This was despite SIA agent 2006Pontiac's continuous chastisement of the three agents to not cause such a commotion.

After a few minutes, the noise level reached its climax. There was snack powder everywhere, and all three SIA members were laughing. At around this time, Number One said the following: "Lily, you'd be stupid to not eat this [expletive removed]. It's so [expletive removed] that if you don't like it, I'll [potentially disturbing threats redacted]. Just saying." This was directed not at SIA agent 2006Pontiac, and not at any of the other people in the area - no, it was aimed directly at Lilyan. Number One later stated in an apology that he "intended to tantalize, terrify, and persuade Lily into stealing the snack so that I could then claim she stole it and then use that to undermine Lily's independence." When combined with that we know about Aquarians from the "More about Aquarians" section, this pressed so many Aquarian buttons for Lilyan that we really aren't surprised she damn near exploded.

Shortly after Number One issued his bitter indictment against Lilyan, there was a pause. The smell of snack powder floated in the air; SIA agent 2006Pontiac was busy reading, but everyone sensed an explosion coming. And there was, for the next moment came this from Lilyan:

"I don't *have* to eat your stupid snack. Do I *have* to do anything you say? No! So stop threatening me and everyone else and forcing me to eat your [expletive removed] or I'm going to tell on you."

Lilyan ended her invective with a glare at all three SIA idiots and settled back into her chair. Taken aback, 2006Pontiac immediately suggested - no, *ordered* - that all three SIA idiots be taken out of the building and fired. Now, because of these members who had been fooling around, 2006Pontiac worried, he would no longer be ab le to establish a conversation with Lilyan. Fortunately, he ended up wrong, as we shall soon see.

#### The Conversation

At around 3:00 PM in the afternoon, many hours after the flipping-out of that morning, Lilyan came back from an event and settled back into her chair. 2006Pontiac's next event wasn't for another forty-five minutes, so he had some time to kill. The computer board system for the meet had been down for the past three hours, and it was looking like they were all going to be stuck there until eight o'clock at least. So no one was in a good mood.

Knowing that the best conversation is one where no one can argue, 2006Pontiac decided to spark a flame (not literally, of course). He put down his book and asked Lilyan: "Do you *really* think we're going to be here until eight o'clock?" Then he waited. He'd already laid out a number of potential responses that Lilyan might give, but of course no one is ever completely correct in their predictions.

"Probably," said Lilyan in response. "We've been here for six hours already, and we literally should be on event *nineteen* right now. We're still on *twelve.* It's insane," she said with contempt.

"I know," said 2006Pontiac. "Why don't they, like, fix the board or something? Maybe it's the heat or something."

"Yeah, it's hot outside and some of that hot air is probably getting into the computer system," said Lilyan, and continued reading her book. Thus, the conversation had come to a natural conclusion. But, at long last, 2006Pontiac had managed to get a few words out of Lilyan, in private, and no matter what else went wrong during the meet, 2006Pontiac vowed that he would call the event a success. And so it stands in history today as a disastrous but extremely successful meet - for 2006Pontiac, at least.

### The January 2024 meet (Upcoming)

It has been confirmed by SIA sources that Lilyan will be attending the group event on January 13, 2024. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and SIA agent 2006Pontiac will be investigating the situation with the utmost detail. We will release further information on the encounter later after the event has transpired. This is an especially important occurrence because it will be taking place just one month before Lilyan's birthday -- an important conversation starter.

We hope our agents can gain some information, and once again SIA agent 2006Pontiac will be performing Operation Shadow Sniper, if possible.

### The Gold group (April 2023 and onwards)

Currently, Lilyan Parrish is a member of the Gold group, which is the highest on the left side of the pyramid before you get to the Universal Orz Group (it's not really called that, but whatever) that's situated spanning the top of the pyramid. She has now been in the Gold group for 7 months, but this isn't surprising, since it is *very* hard to get to Gold in the first place, and even harder to move up to the UOG from it. We expect that she'll be there another 4-5 months before moving up. And when that does happen, investigating will be extremely difficult.

Because she's in Gold, and so far away from our investigating team, we haven't been able to do as much work as we'd liked to since April 2023. However, combined with her Goodreads profile (see the next major section below) and a few minor sightings that SIA agent 2006Pontiac has taken note of, we have been able to find out *some* information.

For example, very recently 2006Pontiac saw Lilyan up-close (well, as up-close as you can get in a situation like this) from November 20 to November 23, 2023. She was practicing with Gold as usual, but happened to be at the same time slot as our SIA agent, fortunately. No communication was established, unfortunately, and 2006Pontiac was unable to pull off Operation Shadow Sniper (see below, which has nothing to do with the AoPS user). Much eye contact was made, however, and 2006Pontiac and the rest of his team here at the SIA have been left wondering if Lilyan is aware of these attempts to make contact. We doubt it, though.

She appears to still be extremely orz, according to 2006Pontiac's investigations, a slight bit bigger (which contributed to our updating of the infobox stats), and a tad bit faster. According to **swimstandards.com,** SIA's official trusted source for investigating Lilyan's swim times, her top freestyle time has clocked in at **33.66 seconds** (see the photo on the right). However, this is not the worst of it (or should we say, the **best** of it). Her 50-backstroke time clocks in at A-standard with 36-odd seconds, which you can also see in the screenshot to the right. Apologies for the screaming annotations; some SIA members got onto the computer and added that.

### Operation Shadow Sniper (Confidential, Level 6)

Since Operation Shadow Sniper is Confidential, Level 6, we are putting it behind a hide tag so you don't show what's inside to someone who's looking over your shoulder at the airport.

Operation Shadow Sniper was devised around mid-July 2023 by SIA agent 2006Pontiac and a few other miscellaneous members with a view to gaining some additional information about Lilyan's personality and "academic abilities", as it were. On a small piece of paper, 2006Pontiac wrote down 6 questions inside the paper, then taped a security flap over the top that stated "Lift-up flap to read. This message is intended only for Lilyan Parrish. NOT anyone else. At the top of the paper were the words "Recipient - Lilyan Parrish"

It was a pretty crummy design, admittedly, but it was all 2006Pontiac could do at the time. The following are the six questions that were included inside the note (please excuse any bad grammar for the original bad grammar of 2006Pontiac).

*Hi, would you please answer the questions below? Write your answers on the back of this paper. When you come for practice on ~~Friday~~ Wednesday, please lave this paper on the bleachers, up on the top level. Thanks!*

*Questions:*
1. What's your favorite color?

2. How far away from [redacted] do you live? In minutes.

3. Do you have any siblings?

4. Do you have any hobbies, other than swimming? Do you play music? *2006Pontiac probably already knew the answer to that one, he was just making sure.*

5. How would you describe your personality. If you need to, you can write your answer on a separate paper.

6. What subjects are you good at? Like, match, science, reading, etc. Are you smart?

The plan was to drop the note in Lilyan's bag on-site, or simply place it on top of the bag. Unfortunately, the main reason why this never worked was because 2006Pontiac could not gain access to her bag without either seeming suspicious or getting into a bunch of dumpster-diving that sadly, he was not into. And even then, he probably only had a few minutes until his own practice started, so the whole idea of Operation Shadow Sniper was never feasible - it was more like a long-lost dream.

**However, 2006Pontiac stated in a recent interview that he will attempt to put Shadow Sniper back into use whenever necessary. He brought the note along during the November 20 - 23, 2023 period because they were practicing at the same time as Lilyan.** But most of the time, this operation will not be able to be performed, and even then it would be difficult.

## Lilyan's Goodreads presence

We have now come to a crucial part in understanding Lilyan's personality, behavior, traits, and interests. SIA agent 2006Pontiac discovered around September 30-October 1, 2023, that Lilyan Parrish possessed an account on Goodreads, a popular online book-sharing and book-club platform. After scrolling through her profile for a bit, 2006Pontiac verified that it was indeed the real Lilyan and not some imposter. And the results were astounding. There is still a sheer mountain of information that we have to learn from her, via this one profile.

Immediately, 2006Pontiac found it imperative to register for a Goodreads account so he could better track Lilyan. One of the first things he did was start following her as an account. Unfortunately, she was not (and is still not) accepting friend requests, so a following was the best he could do. This section (quite a long one, in fact) will detail everything we've learned so far about her personality, bookish interests (hey, *she* was the one who used the word, so why can't *we?*) and even information about...Lilyan's parents. Although, we think we should save the information about her parents for the articles for Christopher and Trish Parrish.

### Account information

Lilyan created her Goodreads account sometime in May 2021, according to the site. This means that she has been on the site for approximately 2-and-a-half years, which is quite something. Her profile picture is constantly changing, and so is her username, but currently her profile picture appears to be a artist representation of Percy and Annabeth, and her username is "♬✌︎ ʟɪʟʏ ᴏғ ᴀᴘᴏʟʟᴏ ᴄᴀʙɪɴ ✌︎ ㋡" (oh, we're *soo* flattered).

She is currently following 5 people (including a few dead authors, which we find strange), and 14 people are following her, including SIA agent 2006Pontiac. She only has two friends - her parents, Christopher and Trish Parrish. (We'll save the info for their Goodreads accounts for their respective pages). Her "About Me" is also changing on a regular basis, however minor, but the following is the contents of her "About Me", UNEDITED, as of 11/26/2023 at 9:08 AM CST: It is long and has lots of emojis, so we are putting it in a Collapse tag.

just so you know, i’m not excepting friend requests sorry no exceptions, please dont take it personally

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RATING SYSTEM:

One star- HATED IT, DON’T READ IT EVER, THE WORST BOOK EVER!!!🤮

Two stars- Not QUITE 🤮, but it’s not okay, kinda in the middle of bad and okay🤢

Three stars - It was ok. So-so. Not my type. 😑

Four stars - Liked it. Was good. Will recommend. Not obsessed but it was good 🙂

Five stars - I loved it, obsessed, you need to read it✨. 🖤

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(Current) Favorite book: The Hidden Witch

(Current) Favorite Author: Chad Sell

(Current) 2 Favorite Character(s) :D: Jack (The Sorceress) and Aster

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Boredom Levels: Idk

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BOOKISH INFO -

Fingerglow: Black

School: Hogwarts, The School for Evil,

Wand: Hawthorne Wood, Basilisk Horn core, 11 1/2 in., Unyielding.

Patronus: TBD

I am a Slytherdor, Never, Second year spy, Osiris 0 (before Eli 😜), introvert, Jack’s (The Sorceress’) Best Friend, Newest Member of the Army of Evil: The Lone Wolf, and (OBVIOUSLY) A book lover.
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Favorites (currently):
song: to many (I have a lot)

book: The Hidden Witch

Author: Molly Knox Ostertag or Chad Sell
character(s) :D: Jack (The Sorceress) and Aster (One of the Main Protagonist in The Witch Boy Series)

animal: Cricket/Turtle/Fluffy cats and dogs

mythical creature/ beast: Bowtruckle
type of weather: Rainy days/starry nights

movie: Mixtape

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ℳ𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝑜 ℳ𝑜𝓇𝒾 - ℛ𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓂𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝒹𝒾𝑒

Well. That was one hell of an About Me. However, this is an old version, as Lilyan has updated her About Me since then. **The following (not as long) is the current About Me, as of January 12, 2024:**

🅽🅾︎🆃 🅰︎🅲🅲🅴🅿︎🆃🅸🅽🅶 🅵🆁🅸🅴🅽🅳 🆁🅴🆀🆄🅴🆂🆃🆂 🆂🅾︎ 🅳🅾︎🅽'🆃 🆂🅴🅽🅳 🆃🅷🅴🅼 (￣︶￣)

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

ʜᴇʏ, ɪ'ᴍ ʟɪʟʏ. ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴀ ʜᴘ sᴜᴘᴇʀғᴀɴ, ᴀ ᴘᴊᴏ ғᴀɴ, ᴀ ᴘʀᴏᴜᴅ sᴘᴀʀᴇ/ᴍᴏᴛʜ ʜᴏᴜsᴇ ᴡɪᴛᴄʜ, ᴀɴ ɪᴍᴍᴏʀᴛᴀʟ ᴇʟғ, ᴛʜᴇ ʜʏᴘɴᴏᴛɪsᴛ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴅʙᴏᴀʀᴅ ᴋɪɴɢᴅᴏᴍ, ᴍᴜsɪᴄ ʟᴏᴠᴇʀ, ᴅᴀᴜɢʜᴛᴇʀ ᴏғ ᴀʀᴛᴇᴍɪs ᴏʀ ᴀ ᴅᴀᴜɢʜᴛᴇʀ ᴏғ ʜᴀᴅᴇs, sʟʏᴛʜᴇʀɪɴ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴀ ғʀɪᴇɴᴅ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴀʟɪᴀ, ᴘᴇʀᴄʏ, ɢʀᴏᴠᴇʀ, & ᴀɴɴᴀʙᴇᴛʜ.

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

\*claps slowly\* \*clapping speeds up\* 𝙾𝚑 𝚐𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚢, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚛𝚘𝚊𝚍𝚜 𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚋𝚞𝚖𝚙𝚢, ‘𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝙸 𝚐𝚘𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚗’𝚝 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐, 𝚘𝚑 𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚛, 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚖𝚜 𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚐𝚛𝚞𝚖𝚙𝚢, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚔𝚎𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚒𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚐.

As you may have guessed from the last part of the About Me, Lilyan has seen the Percy Jackson TV show\*. The last paragraph is a reference to the "Conflict Resolution Song" Grover sings whenever Percy and Annabeth get into a fight.

*\*Actually, we're not even sure she actually saw the show. It's possible she just found the quote out of nowhere and pasted it into her About Me.*

#### Lilyan's song lyrics

For a while in the past few weeks, Lilyan had a few lines of lyrics to a song at the top of her about me. Unfortunately, she has since removed them, and we did not include them in the above About Me because then it would not be a latest, accurate description. However, we are going to include them in this sub-section. The song was "I'm Not A Cynic" by Alec Benjamin - which, in the opinion of SIA agent 2006Pontiac, is a **TERRIBLE** song. Unfortunately, if we mentioned that fact to Lilyan, she would probably threaten to drop an atomic bomb on the SIA headquarters.

The song (and its lyrics) can be found here, and Lilyan had put the first 6-8 lines of the lyrics in her profile, surrounded by music note emojis, as follows (approximately):

I'm just being realistic, being honest with myself

I've tried being optimistic, but it doesn't seem to help

So, I'll just have to admit this is the hand that I've been dealt

I'm not being pessimistic, just being honest with myself

[Chorus]

I'm not a cynic, oh, today's just not my day

I've tried to spin it 'bout a thousand different ways

But from every angle, oh, the outlook is the same

I swear that I'm not a cynic, my glass just has no water in it today

The song is approximately 2 minutes and 16 seconds long and was released in early 2020.

Just for ease of presentation, we're going to show some of Lilyan's "favorites" below in the table [Snarky comments from the SIA are in square brackets]:

That's ten bits of key information plus a bunch more spilled out. From this, we can (and still) derive *so much* about Lilyan's personality. Since we only discovered her account 2 months ago, we've only been able to do limited research into her personality based on this information. But we assure you, we will be coming back to make edits to this page as we continue to find out information about her.

#### Book-reading counts and book tastes

As of 11/26/2023 at 9:23 AM, Lilyan has 509 books in her library, combined across all of her bookshelves. This is bordering on "a little orz", but really it's not that crazy...yet. The following is a list of her Goodreads "Virtual Bookshelves", and how many books she has in each one of them.

* All (509)
* Read (157)
* Currently Reading (1)
* Want to Read (300)
* books-i-got-bored-with (0)
* desperately-want-to-read (0)
* i-gave-up-on-this-book (0)
* obessed-with [sic] (0)

Lilyan made a brutal spelling error in her final bookshelf, and it seems that most of her manually-created bookshelves are empty, but all the standard Goodreads ones "All, Read, Currently Reading, Want to Read" have some good amounts of books in them.

We now turn to Lilyan's "Read" bookshelf to find out more about the kinds of books she tends to read. Of course, we aren't going to list every single one of her books in this article - that would be a bore - but most of the books appear to be classified as "Middle Grade", *a lot* of them are graphic-novel style books, and there are also a good number of them that could be classified as "children's books". We must also keep in mind that Lilyan is probably either in 3rd or 4th grade at the moment. This would mean that she is reading, on average, just about on her grade level. We see lots of "children's" books, "graphic novels", but at the same time some more advanced books, like "Refugee" and Margaret Peterson Haddix's "The Deceivers" (the first of which SIA agent 2006Pontiac never finished but hopes to finish, and the second of which 2006Pontiac read 2/3 books in that series. But anyway, enough talk about our agents).

According to Goodreads, the average length for Lilyan's books in 2022 was 278 pages. We don't have the 2023 data yet because it's not 2024 yet. Her shortest book was 32 pages (a small picture book, we believe). Her longest book was 464 pages. She read a total of 6,120 pages, and that's across 22 different books - not bad, when you really think about it. Obviously, she has read most, if not all, of the Harry Potter books, and started the first book of the Spy School series a few months ago but never continued. (C'mon, Lilyan, you're *really* missing out on a lot by not finishing that series.)

She's read the graphic novel "Sisters", but not the sequel "Smile", strangely enough. She's written a few reviews of books, one of 2006Pontiac's favorite being of *Refugee* in 2022: "Very,very,very good best book about world war 2 I’ve ever read!" and marking it at 5 stars. She's made a total of 29 reviews, a respectable number, and given 117 different books ratings, with an average of 4.32 stars. Pretty good - she must like the books she reads. Overall, from SIA's investigations, her reading activity seems pretty typical. She's been consistent in completing her 100-book-a-year challenges, and in fact has read 103 this year, 3 over the goal. We haven't noticed anything strange, out of place, or downright weird yet. However, the *real* indicators come in her group chatting activity - discussed in the next subsection.

Lilyan has also read all the Percy Jackson & The Olympians books as of very recently, and is quickly progressing through the Heroes of Olympus series. (Welcome to the party!) She seems to have good tastes in ships (Percabeth to be precise) and has already made several RP characters in the Camp Half-Blood group (see below). She appears to be a big fan of the series.

### Group activity and role-playing

Lilyan's group chatting activity is a crucial part in the SIA understanding her personality and behavior - *much* more so than her books. Lilyan, according to our observations, appears to be quite fond of RP (role-playing) and is currently participating in several RP groups about her favorite books. This isn't anything to be alarmed about right out of the gate; SIA agent 2006Pontiac admits that writing RP stories for your favorite books is quite fun. At the moment, here is the list of Goodreads groups that Lilyan is a member of, their "subtitles", and a link to them on Goodreads:

* **Harry Potter Roleplay.** *In this group, we will do Harry Potter roleplays. Anyone can join this group, just please be kind and follow the rules. It will be very fun, and you will get to hang out with other Potterheads. :)*
* **School for Good & Evil RP** *Subtitle is very long.*
* **My Group** *Just My Group*
* **Harry Potter** *We're fans of Rowling's series because we know that it is more than just a children's fantasy story.*
* **Order of the Phoenix.** *Here, we will discuss our favorite fandoms, including: Harry Potter Hunger Games Divergent Percy Jackson Heroes of Olympus and many more!*
* **Nevermore Academy** *RP your characters at the School for Outcasts! Based on Wednesday, takes place when Weems is Principal and before Wednesday comes.*
* **Harry Potter RP and Fan Group** *Potter-heads unite! This is fan group based for Harry Potter and J.K. Rowling finatics [sic].*
* **Harry Potter Rp, Chat, and Discussion.** *Dear [Insert name here], We are please [sic] to inform you that you have been accepted at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry....*
* **Potter Party** *This group is all about having discussions and getting to spread the word of your opinion on Harry Potter and find people who share your way of thinking or maybe bring a new perspective of Harry Potter to the table...*
* **Hogwarts is Home** *Step right up, fellow Potterheads! An RP, Discussion, and mainly just a fangirl/boy place to be! Our Role play is taking place when Harry, Ron, Draco,and Hermione where in Hogwarts. We are excited to have you here and can't wait to see you thrive and grow here at Hogwarts. Welcome Home!*
* **Harry Potter Fans.** *This group is all about having discussions and getting to spread the word of your opinion on Harry Potter and find people who share your way of thinking or maybe bring a new perspective of Harry Potter to the table...*
* **Harry Potter Book Club.** *Do you love the Harry Potter books?Then this is the Book Club for you.*
* **Avatar: The New Age** *A Roleplay Group Based off the Avatar: The Last Airbender & Legend of Korra Taking place after a few 100 years*
* **Harry Potter RP** *We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.*
* **Ravenclaws and Harry Pottah!** *This group is a knockoff of Hufflepuff and Harry Potter but for Ravenclaws! We Rp and disscuss [sic] many topics!*
* **Oleander Academy** *Oleander Academy is an elite private school, renowned around the country for its excellence and exclusiveness.*
* **Magical Academy For Weirdos** *In this group, you create an OC with any powers you like (try not to make them too overpowered).*
* **hermione's army** *just two girls trying to start their own book club! new members are always welcome. mainly fantasy? i don't know man, just join. it'll be fun, i promise.*
* **School for Good and Evil** *Subtitle is very long.*
* **Advanced Hogwarts Roleplay** *Set in the year 1921 during Phineas Black's time as Headmaster of Hogwarts. Times are dark with the end of the muggle's world war still looming in the past and fear and excitement are rising with the emergence of a mysterious dark wizard that goes by the name Gellert Grindelwald and preaches wizard supremacy in the face of non-magicals destructive violence.*
* **◉The Boiling Isles◎** *After the Events of the Famous, Luz Nocoda, Edalyn Clawthorne, King, Willow Park, Animty Blight, Hunter, Lilith Clawthorne, & Gus Porter. The world as.. somewhat gotten better. Wild withes are much more acepted.*
* **Masterminds Fanclub** *[Lilyan Parrish's own group]: This is a group for the fans of the Masterminds Trilogy by Gordon Korman to discuss the trilogy.*
* **Camp Half-Blood** *Do you wish you could talk to animals or make flickering flames dance in your palm? Do you dream of riding a flying horse? Have you ever waved a stick around like a sword? Really? Me too! It's a sign that you're a die-hard Percy Jackson fan!*

Lilyan is currently in a total of 22 groups (all listed above) as of November 26, 2023. She is not very active in most of the groups, having made no messages in all the groups lower than about 10 or 12 on the list. However, she is quite regularly active in the first few. She has made **2,075 comments** in the first "Harry Potter Roleplay" group. This is serious orzness - more than two times SIA agent 2006Pontiac's posts on a separate message board *all-time.* Not only is our subject orz in the water, but she's orz when it comes to Goodreads, too. Not surprising.

Going down the list, we see that Lilyan has made **1,526** comments in the "School for Good & Evil RP" group, **807** in the "My Group", and **162** in the Harry Potter group. That's **4,536** comments plus some miscellaneous ones from other groups. While this is completely insane, it is about what SIA agent 2006Pontiac expected from someone like this. (Also, how is it possible that someone as orz as Lilyan is doing intensive swimming, probably going to school, and also making thousands of messages on Goodreads? *How!?*) This is one of the big remaining questions we have about Lilyan: how does she do all of this, and possibly more that we're unaware of? We do not yet know enough about her to determine her daily schedule, though.

### Commenting activity

Our next focus, Lilyan's texts and comments in her various RP groups, plays a major role in the understanding and decoding of the various aspects of her personality. This section will attempt to describe what we have been observing in her comments and what we can derive from that. Fortunately for the SIA, Lilyan's active hours tend to be **early in the morning, from 7 am to around 8:15 am,** and late in the afternoon, from around **3:30 PM to 8:00 PM.** This makes sense, since these times correspond to before-school hours and after-school hours.

As mentioned in the previous section, one of Lilyan's top groups that she tends to post in is the Harry Potter group and the My Group. One of the most intriguing comments from her that we have seen so far is actually quite recent - it was posted at around 7:40 PM on November 26, 2023: "(I’m sorry I gtg. I have another sports competition this weekend and will be on and off sorry 😞)". The funny bit is that we know exactly which "sports competition" this is - it's a swim meet at some god-awful location in Oklahoma reserved for the people in the Orz Belt; it appears that Lilyan is going to attend it.

Lilyan doesn't appear to be comfortable with hinting or stating to others on Goodreads that she is currently into swimming. Instead, she masks all of her meets under the covert name of "a sports competition". In the "My Group" Harry Potter roleplay, Lilyan appears to be active and engaged with another user called [redacted] and talks back and forth with this other user on a regular basis.

    Her writing style is surprisingly advanced for the kinds of books we've seen her reading. When writing part of a roleplay, she uses proper grammar with capitalized letters, and follows all the usual rules. Her sentences are coherent and make sense, and the roleplay she and a few other members have been creating is actually pretty interesting.

They appear to have come up with fake characters (Nico, Lana, Adelaide, etc.) and they are writing stories around these OC's, but in the Harry Potter universe. Each user would tell a part of the story, and then the next user would continue. This is called a CTS, also known as Continue the Story.

Lilyan uses a moderate amount of emojis in her texts, but as we saw in her About Me, she decided to throw emojis left and right, for some odd reason. However, we must also consider Lilyan's texts that have *not* occurred in roleplay groups. In fact, a majority of her texts are in other groups and Harry Potter discussions. She is very active in, for instance, "The person below me 2" thread in the Harry Potter discussion group.

She has been posting frequently over the past few months - strangely enough, the topic of Lilyan being a Slytherin has come up quite often. This is still a whole other aspect of her personality - the Slytherin stuff - that we have yet to analyze. We're sure that we could derive mounds of information from this, by running through the house tests and seeing what we get. We may decide to publish this information in this section, at a later time. Keep your eyes open for that.

Lilyan also appears to be into making ships for characters in Harry Potter, especially. **She is a strong Dramione supporter** (this is probably the most popular ship in the Harry Potter universe) but also supports some other minor ones. According to our investigations, she would most likely be bound to ship Sophitz in KOTLC, if she had read that series - which she has not, at the moment. (Please. You're missing out on a lot. And what about Sokeefe? That's another great ship! \**sigh\**) We also know that she is not a fan of Dumbledore - strange - but **one of the most hilarious, influential, and yet dark at the same time** of her comments in this thread is the following:

"Maybe a little on marauders era Snape, but not after he called Lily a mudblood."

This was in response to the above poster's statement that "the person below me has a mad crush on Snape". This was a ridiculous idea from the start. We can't even begin to believe *anyone* that would have a crush on snape, let a lone a *mad* crush. And Lilyan did not disappoint. While we do find it strange that she may have had a little affection for him in the Marauders Era - he wasn't even that different back then, wasn't he? - she then blasts out with a terrible (although unspoken) indictment against him. Even though she does not state this, we can infer that Lilyan felt a sort of "**mutual harm**" as it were, when Snape called Lily a mudblood.

*No,* not *that* Lily. But, see what we mean? The **mutual harm principle** has been turning people off about their favorite characters for a long time, ever since SIA agent Nostalgia saw his favorite character on a cartoon say "I'm *really* not into nostalgia. Why waste all the time looking back when you need to be looking forward?" What ensued was a punched-out TV screen and a long repair bill. SIA agent Nostalgia never watched that cartoon again. We assume something similar had happened with Lilyan's Snape situation - and the calling of the fictional Lily a mudblood.

Overall, from analyzing Lilyan's posting and commenting activity, we have learned much about her overall personality: she is a good writer (doesn't make grammar errors too much), is pretty open in conversation, and feels the effect of **mutual harm** (some people get it worse than others). She isn't rude or mean when talking in groups, at least not that we've seen yet - and tends not to call people out for anything, such as breaking the rules in a group or anything like that. She has mentioned every now and then that she has a "sports competition", a.k.a a swim meet, going on and will be "off and on". She is comfortable mentioning to others that she may not be available or that she has to go. She has not yet mentioned anything about her daily life that much, however. In the next and final subsection under the "Goodreads" header, we will analyze what being a Slytherin (like Lilyan is) has to say about your overall personality.

### Slytherin personality traits

As mentioned throughout the previous section, Lilyan is a prominent Slytherin. Her hybrid house is Slytherpuff, meaning that she could go both ways been Slytherin and hufflepuff, but she appears to be getting consistent indicators that she is a Slytherin. However, she mentioned in her "About Me" that she is a Slytherdor, so we aren't sure which one she actually is.

As it happens, SIA agent 2006Pontiac took the test multiple times to ensure accuracy and got results that are drastically different from Lilyan's reported results - his hybrid house ended being Gryffinclaw and the normal one being Ravenclaw. This does *not* bode well for future contact as part of SIA investigations with our subject - however, the test results do not necessarily dictate what might happen in a future investigation. For now, we will focus on what being a Slytherpuff/Slytherin/Slytherdor means for Lilyan's personality, and what we can derive from this.

One of the main things we've observed as traits of a Slytherin or Slytherpuff is being very ambitious. According to this article on screenrant.com, one of the defining traits of Slytherin is ambition, and it's "one of the best Slytherin traits when used for good". We definitely see this in Lilyan, as she aspires to be even more orz in the water, and her ultimate ambition is to probably earn triple-A times and blow everyone out of the water. However, Slytherins are also known to be quite self-confident, although this doesn't necessarily mean they're self-*centered.* The article says that "they can also be really self-confident in a good way". We see a touch of this in Lilyan's personality, especially the time when she was talking to one of her peers about how she was "almost sure she would earn BB-standard times on an event".

Another important "feature" of Slytherins are their cunning. Unfortunately, they get a bad reputation for this because cunning is often associated with malice. But, as the article states, "it can be one of the best Slytherin traits and incredibly useful under the right circumstances." This is the only trait that we really don't notice much of at all in Lilyan. Granted, SIA agent 2006Pontiac has literally only been in her presence for a sum total of 45 minutes, but we just haven't seen much of any display of cunning at all in her. That's fortunate, because we're sure she would have *quite* an edge to her with a little bit of cunning added into the mix.

In addition, Slytherins are **natural leaders.** The article states that "Leadership is something that is mentioned by the Sorting Hat and that also comes across to any viewer that is paying attention." And it is true: characters like Draco Malfoy seem to display a need to be the leader of the group. However, when it comes to Lilyan, we only see a minimal amount of this. The only reason we see any "natural leader" behavior in her is that she tends to start conversations and keep them going in her Goodreads groups, and in-person with her peers.

We now turn to the *worst* of Slytherin traits. These include being rule-breakers, which we unfortunately do not see *any* of in Lilyan - we don't have a single instance on file where she significantly disobeyed something or someone. This also includes being highly judgmental, which we definitely *do* see some of in Lilyan. For example, she has been known to condescend to teammates who aren't quite as fast, as skilled, or as active on Snapchat (this is something that SIA agent 2006Pontiac heard being said at the May 2023 meet). Lilyan can also get quite defensive of her skill level, which could lead to some serious arguments.

The final "worst trait" that we'd like to mention is the "Elitist" trait. This is perhaps *the most* strongly displayed trait in Lilyan. Everything about her screams elitist - the voluntary participation in the Orz Belt, the looking down on less skilled peers, the excluding of people that she doesn't seem "worthy" of being part of a certain group (on Goodreads), for example. As we mentioned in the Personality section earlier, Lilyan is nice and down-to-earth, most of the time. However, if she deems you "unworthy of respect" for some reason or another, she may start to bring out some of that Slytherin special sauce and douse you in it; that is, she will condescend to you and treat you as if you were below her.

*As a conclusion to this mini-investigation,* you will most likely not run into serious behavioral issues with Lilyan, unless you "get lucky" somehow and she doesn't deem you "unworthy of respect". However, Lilyan's good Slytherin traits appear to outweigh the bad ones, so if you're in a conversation with her, keep in mind that things will probably go well. Probably.

## List of all sightings of Lilyan

This mini-section contains the master list of every single time an SIA agent has seen Lilyan in person. The list shows the date, the location, any events that were taking place, who saw her, and what contact was made (if any).

* February 10-20: The Facility, normal practice. SIA agent 2006Pontiac. No contact.
* March 1-23, 2023: The Facility, normal practice. SIA agent 2006Pontiac. No contact.
* April 12-13, 2023: The Facility, April 2023 meetup. SIA agent 2006Pontiac. No contact.
* May 13, 2023: The Facility, May 2023 meetup. SIA agent 2006Pontiac. One private conversation.
* July 15-16, 2023: The Facility, July 2023 "Sizzler" meetup. SIA agent 2006Pontiac. Possible contact.
* November 20-23: The Facility, normal practice. SIA agent 2006Pontiac. No contact.

### SIA Calendar references

As a side-note, we have decided to include this section to give you some additional insight into a "sighting" of Lilyan, although it wasn't really a *sighting.* In two separate SIA Calendar pages (that are now found stuck in a page in the SIA Notebook), there is a page corresponding to the word "Cocoon", for March 17, 2023, whose example sentence contains a fictional character *Lily* that we consider to be biologically related to Lilyan (hey, this wasn't our idea, it was Merriam-Webster's idea to include her in an example sentence). This sentence and the page details have been released on the SIA Calendar page.

The second Lilyan reference is more direct. We just decided to note down that on February 3, 2022 - Lilyan's 9th birthday - the word of the day was variegated, meaning "exhibiting different colors, especially as irregular patches or streaks," according to the Oxford Dictionary. We have lost the February 3, 2021 and February 3, 2023 words, unfortunately, due to an incident with the SIA calendar records cabinet.

## Trivia

* Lilyan hates Lay's Barbecue chips.
* She has a younger sister, as evidenced by a Goodreads post from the past, but we don't know her age.
* She has read almost all the Percy Jackson and the Olympians books and deems herself to be "quite an expert" on them.

## Conclusion

We have now come to the end of this momentous and ginormous article detailing Lilyan's swimming engagement, her personality, her Goodreads account, and much more. We have learned much: we know that Lilyan reads at an average level for her 4th-grade reading level, she likes graphic novels quite a bit, and we also know about her favorite animals, Hogwarts house, wand type, and so much more (look at the table above). We also know which groups she's in on Goodreads, and from that we were able to discern that she is **incredibly into role-playing** and book-club-style discussion groups. We have also detailed some known information for the interest of the reader: Lilyan is currently at a threat level 9/10 in the SIA database and participates in the Gold group, for example.

This new discovery about Lilyan's loyalty to Slytherin, combined with the knowledge that she is an Aquarian, and some other miscellaneous information we've derived from studying her Goodreads account, has proven that Lilyan is nice to have a calm conversation with. However, when engaged in heated discussions, the sparks may fly, especially if she's tired or wound up in some Goodreads dispute, or worse, upset that she didn't line up as many A's in a row as she preferred on the 50 backstroke at her latest meet. Be cautious around her when discussing sensitive subjects. Most of the time, she'll be a good listener, and enjoy your discussions.

We have also derived that Lilyan has strong aspirations. For example, she aspires to be as orz as possible at pretty much everything. (Fortunately, the only things we know about her that are orz are the swimming situation and some parts of the Goodreads situation). She probably also aspires to read every single book in the universe. And, true to Slytherin's traits, Lilyan *can* also be very elitist. When triggered about specific subjects, she may blast out with a condescending remark that could damage your emotions. Beware these indictments that could come flying out of her mouth. Do not talk about subjects that you know will derail her.

Going back around to the swimming situation, we are well aware that Lilyan is extremely orz in the subject. **However, as a bit of reassurance** for those desperately interested in knowing more about Lilyan through the SIA investigations, there is a slurry of meets coming up within the next few months. SIA agent 2006Pontiac is going to make every effort to attend **every single last one of those meets.** We can only hope that Lilyan will do the same - if both of them are in the same location again, and are able to talk to each other, according to 2006Pontiac, "you can make [expletive removed] sure that I'll [expletive removed] talk to her. I'll [expletive removed] talk to her, all right." We hope that agent 2006Pontiac doesn't have a plan to chew her out severely or something....it sure sounded like it from that sentence, unfortunately. We'll have to keep close tabs on them to make sure they don't start cussing at each other.

And now, **congratulations!** You have made it through this extremely long, 10,000-word article. According to our research, it should have taken you approximately half an hour to read this entire thing (or longer, if you're a slow reader). And if you decided to read this *out loud* to someone (or to yourself), well, that should've taken almost an hour. But either way, here you are! Unless, of course, you just skimmed to the end to see if there was a congratulations to the reader and to suck it up - in which case, go back up to the top, you scum.

Anyways, please also be warned that this article is still under revision. We are making some changes here and there to the overall contents of the article, such as fixing typos, re-grouping paragraphs, and possibly adding new sub-sections. If you see some changes, don't be alarmed.

*This article was written in November 2023 by SIA agents Nostalgia and 2006Pontiac. This page may be released to the Internet as long as it complies by the CC-BY-SA. Thank you for your understanding, and be sure to give credit to the authors.*