2023 DTFL season

The 2023 DTFL season is the third in league history. It began on September 7, 2023 and end on December 31, 2023. The Green Line Goblins entered the season as holders of the Martindell Belt.

The Dumfries Don Tito Commute won the Frosé Bowl. Mickey United won the Derwood Bowl and Clarendon FULL SENDERS were awarded the calendar punishment.

## Teams

### Ballroom Division

* Clarendon FULL SENDERS
* Don Tito Dollahs
* Down-Malone FC
* Hanging with Hernandez
* Paradis Titans
* Your Mom Loves Big D

### Hardware Division

* Bardo Bye Week
* Derwood Dusters
* Dumfries Don Tito Commute
* D'Fallujah Firehoses
* Green Line Goblins
* Mickey United

## 2023 off-season

The first notable event of the DTFL off-season occurred on May 1, 2023 when the Yung Jus officially resigned from the DTFL. The motive for the resignation was unclear, but the team's owner indicated strong disagreements with the owners of Down Malone FC and Hanging with Hernandez played a role. This was the second departure from the DTFL in two off-seasons.

On May 30 an expansion franchise accepted an invited to the league, joining the intimidating Hardware Division. The expansion soon announced they will be known as Mickey United.

### Name changes

Fallujah Firehoses rebranded to D'Fallujah Firehoses, in honor of the extremely classy D'Girls Gentlemen's Club in San Juan Puerto Rico.

### Other news

Bardo Bye Week announced the team will play its 2023 games in Denver, Colorado. Their fans in Penrose Park were devastated.

### Spring Meeting

The Spring Meeting occurred on June 3, 2023. For the second year in a row it was held at The Reserve in Clarendon, VA. This was an eventful Spring Meeting, with many significant changes made to the rules for the upcoming season. League members first enjoyed a pre-meeting show by the Apt Men and then feasted on some pizza. The Derwood Cares 2023 Organization Outlook presentation was done before the Spring Meeting, where the virtuous nonprofit announced their new board and some exciting initiatives for the rest of the year.

The changes for the 2023 season are:

* An additional Flex spot
* Benches reduced to four players, with one IR spot, leaving overall roster size the same as the previous season
* FAAB waivers implemented, with a budget of $1,000 for each team
* $20 buy in
* Permission for the Derwood punishment to be done on public transport systems of other cities for owners not residing in the Washington D.C. metropolitan region
* Calendar punishment for the last place owner

The punishment with the second-most votes was the Dog Cage. Following the meeting, a coalition of owners formed the Dog Cage PAC, with hopes of establishing the Dog Cage as the punishment for the 2024 season.

## Draft

### Draft order

The draft order was determined via the results of a March Madness pool. Frosé Bowl runner ups Dumfries Don Tito Commute earned the first pick, followed by the Derwood Dusters and Bardo Bye Week. For the second straight year, the Don Tito Dollahs submitted a blank bracket titled "Dollah Picks" and scored 0 points. They received the 11th pick, with expansion franchise Mickey United getting #12.

1. Dumfries Don Tito Commute
2. Derwood Dusters
3. Bardo Bye Week
4. Down Malone FC
5. Paradis Titans
6. Green Line Goblins
7. D'Fallujah Firehoses
8. Hanging with Hernandez
9. Clarendon FULL SENDERS
10. Your Mom Loves Big D
11. Don Tito Dollahs
12. Mickey United

### Draft

The third DTFL draft was held on August 27, 2023 at the Nut Shack in Arlington, VA. Notably, the draft occurred the day after the Nickelback party bus. A moment of silence was held prior to the draft for both Scott and Lucas E Sellem. The Green Line Goblins drafted from the United Kingdom, becoming the first DTFL franchise to draft from overseas.

Vikings WR Justin Jefferson was drafted first overall by the Dumfries Don Tito Commute.

## Regular Season

### Standings

Your Mom Loves Big D took the #1 overall seed with an 11-3 campaign, the most dominant regular season record in DTFL history. They finished three games ahead of the next three teams and two games ahead of the previous best DTFL record. The team celebrated their Ballroom Division crown with a stunning live rendition of "Try That in a Small Town" by Jason Aldean, who performed a duet with Kid Rock. The team exploded 100 cases of Bud Light with dynamite.

Bardo Bye Week finished as the #2 seed and Hardware Division champions with an 8-6 record. The divisional race was exciting and came down to the last week of the season. The Dumfries Don Tito Commute and Derwood Dusters also finished 8-6 but scored fewer points than Bye Week. Notably, both division winners clinched their first ever playoff appearances.

Two teams had abysmal regular seasons - Hanging with Hernandez and the reigning champions Green Line Goblins. Both teams matched the 4-10 mark set by the 2022 Yung Jus, who are widely considered the worst team in DTFL history.

### Notable events

#### Europe Curse

The first week Europe Curse continued, with the Dumfries Don Tito Commute losing their season opener to Mickey United while their owner was vacationing in France with his girlfriend.

The Derwood Dusters also suffered from the Europe curse, losing their Week 13 and 14 games while their owner was in England and Spain. The losses gave the Dusters and 8-6 record and they missed the bye, losing the points-scored tiebreaker to Bye Week and the Commute.

#### Massacre of Manayunk

Week 1 brought the most embarrassing loss in DTFL history. Despite the introduction of the double flex, the Paradis Titans put up only 38 points in a 165.26 - 38.16 loss to the Clarendon FULL SENDERS. The game was dubbed the "Massacre of Manayunk" because the Titans owner was visiting the Philadelphia neighborhood for the weekend. Their owner was unable to show his face in the Nut Shack for many days.

#### B-Live Basketball League

The owner of Bardo Bye Week led the charge to start a DTFL-affiliated fantasy basketball league, named the B-Live Basketball League (BBL for short). Eight teams, all run by DTFL owners, participated in the inaugural draft on October 15th.

#### Breaking the 200-point barrier

In Week 8, the Derwood Dusters became the first team to score over 200 points in a single game in their 201.9 - 130.8 victory over the Don Tito Dollahs. It was not as impressive as the FULL SENDERS 198.4 point performance in 2022 which was done with single-flex lineups. This was still a major DTFL milestone, and was compared to Lance Armstrong landing on the moon and Hillary Clinton winning the Democratic presidential nomination.

#### Formation of political parties

2023 saw the first political parties form in the DTFL. Members united in groups with common interests to vote as a combined force at next year's Spring Meeting. The most notable party was the Single Flex - Dog Cage PAC. The conservative party supports a return to the traditional single-flex system, institution of the Dog Cage punishment, and strong family values. A smaller group still supports the Double Flex, while the owner of Your Mom Loves Big D pushes Libertarian ideas such as the complete elimination of the Waiver Wire system.

#### Dollahs rally

The Don Tito Dollahs nearly pulled off the greatest turnaround in DTFL history. After starting 2-7, they reeled off five consecutive wins to finish 7-7. They tied Down Malone FC with a 7-7 record, but missed the playoffs on the points tiebreak.

#### White Elephant

The annual White Elephant event was held on December 22 at the Reserve.

#### UVA vs VT flag football game

A bowl game between UVA and Virginia Tech DTFL members (and friends) has been scheduled for December 27th at Washington-Liberty High School.

### Notable trades

#### September 20

Bardo Bye Week trades: RB Austin Ekeler; Derwood Dusters trades: WR Devonta Smith

At the time, this was seen as a massive win for the Dusters, who acquired the injured Chargers RB for cheap and paired him with Christian McCaffrey to create a "Double Hero RB" lineup. However, Ekeler did not live up to expectations after returning from injury.

### October 11

Don Tito Dollahs trades: WR CeeDee Lamb, RB Raheem Mostert; Hanging with Hernandez trades: RB Tony Pollard, WR Zay Flowers

Excellent seasons for Lamb and Mostert made the blockbuster trade a win for Hernandez. However, this was not enough for the team who finished 4-10 due to injuries and lackluster defense.

### October 20

Clarendon FULL SENDERS trades: WR AJ Brown; Your Mom Loves Big D trades: RB Saquon Barkley

The trade was dubbed a shark for Big D and propelled them to an 11-3 record. Their owner defiantly refused to admit any sharking was done.

### November 28

Dumfries Don Tito Commute trades: WR Jaylen Waddle, WR Tank Dell; Hanging with Hernandez trades: WR CeeDee Lamb

The Commute acquired star WR Lamb in hopes of making a third consecutive Frosé Bowl appearance.

## Postseason

### DTFL playoffs

In the first round of the playoffs, the Dumfries Don Tito Commute and Derwood Dusters won decisively to move on to the semifinals. Dumfries defeated Down-Malone FC in a game with brutal trash talk leading up to it. The Dusters defeated the Paradis Titans behind 41.7 points from league MVP running back Christian McCaffrey.

In the first semifinal, Your Mom Loves Big D beat the Dusters to advance to their first Frosé Bowl. They were led by a 51.5 point outing from WR Amari Cooper. The Dusters entered MNF between the 49ers and Ravens needing 52 combined points from RBs Christian McCaffrey and Gus Edwards, but fell 13 points short. In the other semifinal, the Dumfries Don Tito Commute triumphed over Bardo Bye Week to advance to their third consecutive Frosé Bowl. The Commute entered MNF with a 12-point lead and one 49ers WR left on each team, Deebo Samuel on the Commute and Brandon Aiyuk on Bye Week. Aiyuk had a strong game and threatened to take the lead on a late 4th quarter drive, but the Commute held on to win by 3 points.

### Consolation bracket

Both 4-10 teams, the Green Line Goblins and Hanging with Hernandez, avoided the Derwood Bowl with clutch Week 16 wins.

Mickey United and the Clarendon FULL SENDERS both lost their first two consolation bracket games to earn the first Derwood Bowl appearance for both franchises.

### Frosé Bowl

Frosé Bowl III was held on December 28-31 at William Hill Arena in Las Vegas, NV. The Dumfries Don Tito Commute defeated Your Mom Loves Big D 167.3-165.2. The Commute started off hot with 40.2 points from CeeDee Lamb on Thursday night, but Big D stormed bag behind 37.6 from Davante Adams on Sunday afternoon to take a 15 point lead. Just like Frosé Bowl I, the game came down to a Sunday Night Football game between the Green Bay Packers and Minnesota Vikings. The Commute had WR Justin Jefferson and K Greg Joseph and Big D had no players remaining. A late fourth quarter catch put the Commute into the lead as they pulled out a narrow victory with 11 points from Jefferson and 6 from Joseph. Commute WR CeeDee Lamb was awarded ArlNow Frosé Bowl MVP.

The win gave the Commute their second title in three years - only Damar Hamlin's tragic death had prevented them from winning three straight. The Commute's dominance of the early DTFL brought the ire of the other franchise. One anonymous owner said, "Nothing keeps me up at night more than the Commute's reign. I wish I could thwack them with a paddle and knock them off their throne." Another proposed a requirement for all DTFL owners to possess valid driver's licenses.

### Derwood Bowl

Derwood Bowl III was held on December 28-31 at Duster Field in Derwood, MD. Mickey United triumphed over the Clarendon FULL SENDERS, 150.5-133.2. This was a relatively well played Derwood Bowl, as both teams put up a respectable performance. Senders TE Cole Kmet was awarded Derwood Bowl LVP for his 0 point performance.

Mickey United avoided disaster in their first season after putting up the least points in the regular season. The Senders loss was tough for a team that barely missed the playoffs. The Derwood Bowl loss put the future of the franchise in doubt and was a grave warning to any managers in the future considering the bold "Triple-TE" strategy.

### Pro Bowl

The DTFL Pro Bowl was cancelled due to low viewership last year.