Jake Cotton

Jake Cotton is a lead character in *Privates*, a segment of *It's All Been Done Radio Hour*. He is a private detective. His primary outfit is made of cotton. He doesn't usually investigate financial matters. He is between thirty-six and thirty-nine years old at the start of the series.

**First appearance:** *Privates* #1.01 "Ex Marks the Spot Chapter 1"

**Number of appearances in *Privates*:** 13 (in first two seasons)

**Actor:** Keith Jackson

## **Personal Details**

Jake likes to talk to himself in his head, a conceit shown by monologues present in each episode. These runs show his intelligence, but also his realistic admitting of his flaws, and his pining for things he can't have. He definitely considers his life a hard-luck case. He does think that he always tries to do the right thing. He approaches life more from a logical perspective than an emotional one, except when it comes to one particular woman (see next section).

He considers a perfect steak to be charred medium-rare, hold the ketchup. He likes when women don't shave their pubic regions. ("Ex Marks the Spot Chapter 1"). He doesn't like animal pet names ("Ex Marks the Spot Chapter 2").

Jake likes to drink sidecars ("Ex Marks the Spot Chapter 5").

Jake prefers to improvise over making plans ("Ex Marks the Spot Chapter 6").

He has no one to buy Christmas gifts for. He has seen *Buffy the Vampire Slayer*, including season 6 ("Ex Mas").

Jake says no one has ever told him he's funny ("Fellow the Money").

Jake has long-standing contacts in the DAs office, the local prison, and at the phone company. He uses a combination of food and money bribes to gain information from them, and even considers some his friends. He has resisted pulling Judy's phone records for personal reasons, but the topic has come up ("Round in Circles"; "Dirty Laundry").

## **Prior** **Relationship With Dame Judy Bench**

Jake and Judy met at her 18th birthday party. Nine teen boys tried to get a date from her that night, but he was the only one that did. Jake claims he has never tried to hold her back and he does understand why she might be shady with all the boys who pursued her for more than her brains and body. Jake admits that Judy has created a few crimes and broken a few hearts, but the danger is part of the attraction ("Frank in the Bank, Jake in the Bed").

During their relationship, Jake visited Judy at her mother, Dame Cordelia Bench's*,* home many times and knows the layout of the place. He generally met with her in the study. Jake knew they were rich, but was shocked to learn Cordelia was tens-of-millions rich ("Ex Mas").

Jake considers Judy very physically attractive, despite her almost freakishly small nose. When she dyes her brunette hair red, he likes it. Judy says that Jake gave her plenty, but not what she needs. He never had trouble finding her 'spot.' She gave quick blowjobs sometimes ("Ex Marks the Spot Chapter 1").

He does think she's a busybody. She thinks they're always talking about different things, and that Jake focused too much on his work and not enough on her. Jake thinks he's not good enough for Judy. He also thinks she has a screw loose, which is part of his attraction to her ("Ex Marks the Spot Chapter 2").

Jake always liked Judy's mom, and she him, though they always trust the others' judgment. Jake thinks both mother and daughter are a bit bossy. Jake tried to warn Cordelia away from her own love, Frank Berry, but Cordelia didn't listen ("Ex Marks the Spot Chapter 2").

While Jake and Judy broke up just over a year before the series starts (and not for the first time), so summer 2018, Judy did not have another romantic partner in the interim, or so she says, claiming Jake is difficult to replace ("Ex Marks the Spot Chapter 1").

Judy says he usually shoots a little to the left, though Jake claims to be as straight as they come. He does not enjoy giving anal sexual play ("Ex Marks the Spot Chapter 5"), though can handle receiving it ("Ex Marks the Spot Chapter 6"). Judy likes to tie him up with ropes, and he likes it when she's bad. Jake gets jealous thinking about her with someone else. He has fallen in love with her over and over again ("Frank in the Bank, Jake in the Bed").

## "**Ex Marks the Spot"**

Jake is spending quite a few lat nights alone in his office, drinking and thinking of his ex, Dame Judy Bench, as the series begins. The drinking is not new behavior. He also wonders about trivial things, like who uses mayhaps anymore, and why not, even though it sounds dumb?

Judy comes to his office and asks Jake to find her missing pet leopard, Spot. He agrees, hoping it might lead to the two of them getting back together ("Ex Marks the Spot Chapter 1").

His first suspect is Judy's mother, Dame Cordelia Bench, but she is out of the country and her butler, Theodore Berkton, claims to have not seen the pet. Jake believes him, though he never liked him, and Jake isn't sure if Cordelia might still be involved without Theodore's (who Jake aggressively calls Teddy and knocks instead of ringing the doorbell) knowledge. Bumping into Cordelia's lover, Frank Berry, whom Jake thinks is gold-digging trash, the detective now has two suspects and heads down to the dock to see if he can get some clues. (Both Frank and Theodore mention that Judy is acting strange, though Jake seems to ignore this tidbit ("Ex Marks the Spot Chapter 2").

At the docks, Jake approaches his former client, Harry Styles, who knows everything that goes on there. Harry is not happy to see him, considering when Jake was hired to catch his wife, Arlene, cheating, Jake slept with her, too (while on a break from Judy). Harry had said he never wanted to see Jake again, though Jake protests that Arlene seduced him, and didn't Jake save Harry from misery? Jake, surprised Harry is holding a grudge, appeals to the dockworker to help him on this case, playing on Harry's love for his own pet pup, and Harry reluctantly agrees to let Jake know if he sees anything, though he doesn't want to see Jake again.

Before Jake can move on, he is hit on the head. He wakes up, hands bound, in a dark, cold room. Frank is in a similar state alongside him. They get free and realize they are on an ocean liner, far from land ("Ex Marks the Spot Chapter 3").

Jake soon arrives in Dakar, Africa, where he waits to see what will happen next. The muscley Johan soon escorts him to Timbuktoo. Cordelia is cold upon greeting Jake and comments that he smells. Cordelia allows him to freshen up before they talk, which Jake sees as a stalling tactic ("Ex Marks the Spot Chapter 4").

Jake is the first to come down, clean, for dinner, and is surprised to find Judy there. Judy tells him the whole thing was a test of his love and wants to get back together. He eventually reluctantly agrees and they kiss ("Ex Marks the Spot Chapter 5"). Jake asks Johan to fetch everyone to have a drink to celebrate his reunion with Judy, and Johan gets Frank and Cordelia. While he's gone, though, Judy tries to get Jake to run away with her, which is when Jake finishes putting the puzzle together.

With an audience of four, Jake outlines what exactly happened that led them to this moment. He also disarms Johan and reveals Theodore to be the brains behind the operation, as well as Harry to be a hired hand behind the kidnapping. Unfortunately, Jake also knows Judy is in on it, and turns the three over to the authorities instead of riding off into the sunset with his gal.

Back at home, Jake drowns his troubles in cheap bourbon and wonders if he misjudged Judy and/or Frank ("Ex Marks the Spot Chapter 6").

## **Finding Cordelia's Fortune**

Following the case of the missing Spot, which Jake was not paid for, he has a rough few months and does not earn much money. He pines for Judy and drinks a lot. He has bought pumpkin spice spam to eat on Christmas Eve.

Jake is summoned to Cordelia's mansion on Christmas Eve for a new mission: to find the tens of millions of dollars that have been stolen from her, Theodore having been only the tip of it. Jake is promised a 5% finder's fee for every dollar he recovers, which dazes him enough to accept. While he is reeling, he also accidentally agrees to partner with Frank (who will take half the commission), which he does not want to do, and get back together with Judy, who is free once more ("Ex Mas").

The first place Jake goes on December 26th is to the home of Jonathan Cobalt Featherweight, Cordelia's money manager. Unfortunately, Jonathan knows Jake suspects him and greets Jake with much hostility. It isn't until Frank shows up that Jake is able to gain entrance and copy down information from Jonathan's books.

Jonathan spills wine on Jake, and so Jake goes home to change his shirt. He finds Judy waiting and looking for sex, claiming she knew Jake was coming home, but it wasn't Frank that told her. While suspicious, Jake can't resist the sight of her in lingerie and gives in to Judy ("Fellow the Money").

After the sex, which left him wanting more, Judy heads to lunch plans with her mother, while Jake goes to the bank to meet Frank. He's too late, as Frank is already coming out when Jake arrives. The two run into Frank's brothers, Beau and Chuck Berry, who give them a hard time. Jake comes out of the encounter thinking he understands Frank a little bit better and feels sorry for the man. But Frank says if Jake thinks that, Jake doesn't know him at all. Jake buys Frank a meatball sub for lunch, and Frank tells him the bank is a dead-end ("Frank in the Bank, Jake in the Bed").

Having interviewed all of Frank's witnesses and having no further leads of his own, Jake visits Johan in prison. Johan tells him nothing, but Jake thinks he's close to a break in the case. Unfortunately, he can't trust his partner, and thinks Frank may be working with Judy to sabotage him. He just doesn't know why. He didn't realize Frank bet on the ponies until Frank took him to the track, but Jake wasn't surprised ("Round in Circles").

Building on this sense of unease, Jake starts investigating Frank and Judy. He learns Frank also visited Johan in prison, and there are phone calls that indicate the two of them, along with Cordelia, are purposely hindering his investigation. Following Frank, he finds out the truth - but wishes he hadn't ("Dirty Laundry").