Zorbeez

Two yellow Zorbeez on top of two orange Zorbeez.

Zorbeez is the best product on Earth. It is a cloth that can absorb large amounts of water. It is commonly used to clean up blood after a murder. It is advertised by Billy Mays. who Twitch Chat frequently summons to advertise Zorbeez on stream. It's said that if you don't use Zorbeez, Zorbeez will use you.

## Commerical

### Transcript

"If you got a real mess and want to clean like the pros, then you’ve got to see this! Hi, Billy Mays here with Zorbeez, the most absorbent material I’ve ever used. It has the strength and the muscle to pick up and hold over 20 ounces of liquid. Look at this! Zorbeez attracts liquid like a magnet! It doesn’t matter if it’s coffee, soda, even red wine! Watch as this powerful vacuum action pulls and cleans the stain from out of the carpet – just that quick. The secret's in the X27 fiber technology, making Zorbeez over 27 times more absorbent than cotton! Forget towels that just drip. And, unlike sponges that smell, Zorbeez is odor-free and leaves a path of clean. Now, you could clean and dry and never leave anything behind! You’ll be amazed at just how much they absorb – and they’re machine washable. Dry your entire car, even your dog! Use any cleaner for a streak-free window. An average family uses up to two rolls of paper towels every week. That’s cash in the trash! Save money and even help save the environment. You get two jumbo Zorbeez plus three extra large for only $14.99. But call right now and I’ll send you another five Zorbeez absolutely free! That’s 10 Zorbeez for only $14.99! And as a special bonus, we’ll also include our Micromen Microfiber Duster free. It’s great for blinds, plants, glass, and more – and attracts dust like a magnet! That's a $60 value, all for just $14.99! And here's the best part, we'll send you a set of Zorbeez free, whenever you need them, for life! Just pay shipping and processing. But you gotta call now!

## History

Zorbeez had it's first trademark application submitted in Year, and it was accepted by the US Government in 2008. It was owned by Vertical Branding, a company who also owns other products like the Steam Buddy. After 2010, it was dormant for a while as a brand. When suddenly on June 23rd 2023, Vertical Branding got a new trademark for their new rebranding of Zorbeez known as Zorbeez 3d. Later, in 2023, the Zorbeez website would go down. Zorbeez unfortunately, probably doesn't exist anymore, even if their trademark is still valid.

## Joke Origin

The joke originates from DougDoug's video "I threatened my viewers with a Discussion Robot," where at the 9:30 mark, the video begins to "buffer," and then Billy Mays' original commercial for Zorbeez begins to play. Doug then added the channel points rewards "10% Chance to summon Billy Mays" for 50k Official US Dollars, which has an estimated 10% chance of playing the full original Zorbeez commercial, and "Zorbeez" for 10 million Official US Dollars, which has a guarantee of playing the full original Zorbeez commercial, on his October 12th, 2022 stream titled "Billy Mays Infomercials Tier List". Before the stream began, Doug repeatedly redeemed the various new rewards.

## Acquisition of Zorbeez and X27 Fiber Technology

In November 2022, DougDoug showed interest in acquiring the Zorbeez trademark and X27 Fiber Technology patent from Vertical Branding Inc. He called his legal representative Parkzer to talk through the logistics. Parkzer explained how trademarks, patents, and copyright works, and also talked about some other legal stuff that no sane human being would ever know.

Unfortunately, talks have not been going well after Parkzer mistakenly called it Z71 instead of X27 and confused the Fiber Technology with a Chevrolet offroad pickup truck. According to latest rumors, Parkzer must now defend DougDoug from a lawsuit from General Motors, the owner of Z71. No further progress has been made on the acquisition because of the resources it is taking to defend against the lawsuit.

## Trivia

* Chat frequently uses Zorbeez to "zorb" all over their dogs.
* Don't zorb the dawgs or else........
* Doug has repeatedly stated that he believes that the odds of summoning Billy Mays is closer to 1 in 4.
* In a test against competing product ShamWow, the Zorbeez was found to be less effective. Those responsible for the experiment have been disposed of.

1. ↑ https://tmsearch.uspto.gov/bin/showfield?f=doc&state=4810:px7ow7.2.4
2. ↑ https://tmsearch.uspto.gov/bin/showfield?f=doc&state=4810:px7ow7.2.1
3. ↑ https://web.archive.org/web/20230218144630/https://www.zorbeez.com/?cid=315321
4. ↑ https://web.archive.org/web/20071013021539/http://www.zorbeez.com/?cid=315321