Tahu

## Overview

Tahu (Bionicle Pimp) is a Bionicle who writes screenplays and wears Gucci even though he is known to be broke. Despite his financial situation, Tahu frequents fast food restaurants and has been seen at places like Chipotle, McDonalds, IHOP, Burger King, and Femboy Hooters. He made his first appearance in "Every Time I go to Chipotle this happens".

Unlike Astolfo, Anime Guy, and Master Chief, Tahu isn't one of Hippo's room mates living with him and paying rent. Even if one assumes he lived with him at some point (as he was stuck there under house arrest in "You are forced to Play Monopoly [ASMR]", it is eventually revealed he got his own place in "How to get a goth GF w/ a Dump Truck on Tinder."

## Personality

Tahu has a gangster personality, style, and attitude. He is often tough, rude, and sincere in a very cruel way. He is incredibly impulsive, impatient, and hot headed; often pulling out a gun just to assert himself over anyone messing with him.

His impulsive nature has lead to him attempting to rob a McDonalds with a mini gun (and then getting into a shoot out/chase with the cops) and Kidnapping Yellow Jacket to start a large brawl at a Waffle House. When he couldn't take being under house arrest, he decided to take his chances by breaking his parole and going outide fully armed (only for him to he arrested again).

Tahu puts a lot of importance in his fashion sense (or his 'fit' as it's also called). He often wears a gold chain around his neck, a white fur coat from Gucci, a white cap that reads 'Marines', and a pair of (fake) Timbs. He tends to bring attention to his clothes or accessories (such as his designer satchel) to try to elevate his own status in the eyes of those he's arguing with, but they often see right through his façade (Especially when they point out how he wears designer clothes yet he has no money).

It's possible that the reason that Tahu tries to assert himself through status or violence could be to hide the more insecure aspects of his personality. He seemed too shy to properly order a Burrito at Chipotle, he moped when he felt he couldn't compete with Duke Nukem (who had stolen Turskit away from Hippo), and he got upset when things didn't work out on a dating app. It also seems his screen play never went anywhere, which he was hoping would make him rich.

Tahu has little success when it comes to dating, as he's been rejected by Turskit, rejected by Astolfo, and gave up on trying a dating app when a user DM'd him about his Timbs being fake. Tahu also seems to be in a bad place financially, as despite living in a nice apartment and wearing designer clothes, he rarely seems to have money.

Despite Tahu's tough guy gangster persona and his pursuit of a Goth GF, he has no problem with femboys. When Astolfo tried to prank or tease Tahu, it would often backfire as Tahu to be into it. He's even seen dining with Anime Guy and Anime Police Girl at a Femboy Hooters.

## History

It is unknown if this version of Tahu shares the same history as his canon counter part. All we know is that he has referred to himself as a Bionicle, which likely means he's a biomechanical being (which makes sense as he has visible gears turning in his body yet he's also able to consume and process food).

We first see Tahu at a Chipotle where Astolfo worked as a Cashier. Tahu was unable to properly order a Burrito, prompting him to get into an argument with Astolfo. He eventually loses patience and smashes a table, which Astolfo told him he had to pay for. Once he confirmed he had no money, Astolfo forced him to leave by pulling out an AK-47.

Later he and Hippo visit a McDonalds drive through, where Hippo encourages him to order an ice cream. It not only turns out that the one working the drive through is Astolfo, but they were lied to about the ice cream machine working. In anger, Tahu decides to attempt to rob the place, only for Astolfo to distract him long enough to call the cops. Tahu and Hippo try to escape, but are apprehended. This is likely what leads to the two of them being put under house arrest.

Later, he and Hippo go to a Starbucks to take advantage of their free wi-fi so Tahu could focus on writing his screenplay. There, Astolfo and Darth Vader end up getting into a fight that destroys the Starbucks. Tahu, Hippo, and Astolfo are blamed and are put under house arrest gain. During their time under house arrest (and quarantine), Astolfo suggests they pass the time and play Monopoly. Tahu immediately gets bored, flips the table, and runs out, breaking his parole as he is immediately intercepted by Anime Police girl who then hauls him off to Jail.

Tahu later turns up again at a Femboy Hooters hanging out with Anime Guy and Anime Police Girl, but why he's not longer in prison (as well as the nature of their relationship) is unknown. Afterward, things to seem to go back to normal with Tahu hanging out with Hippo at different fast food joints (such as IHOP and Subway), where Astolfo to attempt to mess with Tahu again (only this time, it would backfire on Astolfo who'd only end up attracting Tahu).

After Master Chief burned down Astolfo (and by extent Hippo's) house, Hippo, Astolfo, and Jiko would move in with him temporarily. During this time, Tahu ends up meeting Turskit, a big tiddy goth GF (which is something he had coveted for awhile now). However, it would turn out she was already dating Hippo. This wouldn't stop Tahu, as he'd tag along on their dates attempting to steal her away, but stopped once she had broken up with Hippo and gotten with Duke Nukem instead. (Though once she and Duke broke up, he'd start hitting up Turskit's DM's, much to her annoyance).

Tahu would then hang out with the gang at Hippo's old house once it was repaired. There, Hippo would reveal that Tahu's Timbs were with out a doubt fake, and they'd never seen again. Afterwards, he'd help Astolfo by going on the look out for Knock Off Indy, who had stolen Astolfo's clothes. Once Tahu spotted him, Astolfo was able to successfully apprehend him.

Tahu at some point got a job as the host of his own podcast, which he hosted along side two women (who turned out to be undercover feds). There, he would give (terrible) advice on how to be a man and how to get women. Yellow Jacket would end up becoming a fan of his podcast and becoming a fan of his. Tahu would abruptly kidnap Yellow Jacket at Turskit's All Girl Slumber Party, and bring him to a Waffle House.

Tahu would convince Yellow Jacket to dress like a maid and get into a fight with the toughest guy at the Waffle House (who turned out to be Turskit's dad). Yellow Jacket would go along with this do due to how influenced he was, resulting in a free-for-all brawl at the Waffle house resulting in both Yellow Jacket and Tahu being knocked out the crossfire.

This was all a set up for Tahu to get back at Yellow Jacket for being the one Turskit invited to her slumber party. Shortly after, he's apprehended by Anime Police Girl and the two undercover officers (likely for starting the riot in the Waffle House to begin with), though he ends up enjoying the rough treatment.

Tahu is once again arrested and taken away. As of now his fate is uncertain.

## Relationships

### Hippo:

Tahu and Hippo appear to be good friends. The two of them tend to hang out, and have gone as far as to rob a McDonalds (and get arrested) together. Hippo's more chill attitude tends to balance out with Tahu's hot headed nature. Tahu tends to spontaneously flip or break tables even when Hippo is still sitting on top of them, but Hippo never retaliates. When Astolfo messes with Tahu, Hippo tends to side with Astolfo and occasionally joins in.

Tahu would sometimes hang out at Hippo's house, but when Hippo house burnt down, he was willing to let him (and by extension Astolfo and Jiko) crash at his place before it had been repaired enough for them to return home.

Tahu was angry and baffled when he found out that Turskit was with Hippo (As Tahu coveted a big tiddy goth GF, and felt the chance of even getting one to begin with was unlikely). Rather than rub it in, Hippo just gave Tahu life advice about getting one himself. This wouldn't stop Tahu from purposely tagging along on one of Hippo's dates with Turskit in hopes he could steal her from him (though he stopped once she broke up with Hippo in favor of Duke Nukem, who Tahu felt he couldn't compete with.)

### Astolfo

The first interaction we see between Astolfo and Tahu was during "Everything I go to Chipotle This happens", where Astolfo acts somewhat antagonistic towards Tahu who retaliates with aggression. When Tahu busts up a table out of anger and revealed he didn't have money to pay for it, Astolfo pulled out a gun and forced him to leave.

In general, Astolfo enjoys pranking and teasing Tahu, and is often the one getting under his skin when he's working at a food joint. However, some times this backfires, as Tahu will sometimes unironically be into Astolfo's offers. Examples include the time Astolfo pretended to be a goth girl at a "Goth Ihop", only to reveal he was a femboy the whole time, but Tahu was still into it (even chasing Astolfo out of the establishment to presumably 'scramble his bussy'). Another example was when Astolfo teased Tahu about dominating him at Subway, but it turned out that's what Tahu wanted the entire time.

Tahu is clearly interested in Astolfo, going as far as to suggest a three way with him and Jiko during the events of "How to get a goth GF w/ a Dump Truck on Tinder". However, Astolfo is always rejecting his advances. Despite all of this (and Tahu's over all bad attitude) Tahu does at least care for Astolfo to a degree, as after Master Chief burnt down Astolfo's home, Tahu allowed him (as well as Jiko and Hippo) to move in with him for awhile at his place.

Tahu seems to have a soft spot for Astolfo, as Astolfo is one of the few who can make him back down (like he did at Chipotle), and he's also one of the few Tahu is willing to help (Like when he allowed Astolfo to live with him when his house burnt down and he was even willing to help him get his clothes back when they were stolen by knock off Indy.)

### Turskit

    Tahu has an obvious crush on Turskit, as he's expressed interest in goth girls as far back as "You Buy a Goth GF at IHOP". When Turskit made her first appearance in How to get a goth GF w/ a Dump Truck on Tinder, he immediately said she was "perfect" and asked if she was single.

However, it turned out Hippo was her boyfriend, which shocked Tahu as he felt getting a goth GF was not possible mathematically. In the following episode "I accidentally entered a burger king", he tagged along on their date in an attempt to steal her away, only for her to be stolen away by Duke Nukem instead.

It was later revealed in "Guys I Lost the Fight at Waffle House :(" that Tahu kept sending her "thirst texts" trying to date her, pay her for photos of herself, and just straight up beg her for affection, but she replied telling him to stop. He'd even attempt to set up Yellow Jacket to fight her dad in a Waffle House out of jealousy that he got to go to her "All Girl's Slumber Party". Despite her being uninterested in him and his advances, she doesn't mind him being around.

In "Can I Survive a Taco Bell Visit?", Tahu seems more antagonistic towards Turskit than before and isn't simping over her as he normally would. It's likely he's accepted that she's not interested but he's still sore about it.

### Anime Police Girl

Tahu is often arrested by Anime Police Girl, but there are some hints that he may like her.

In "How to get a goth GF w/ a Dump Truck on Tinder", Tahu says it's hard to find somebody who understands him better than his probation officer. When Astolfo asks why doesn't he "just date her", he replies he's not on probation anymore (but he'd be willing to change that).

It's possible Anime Police Girl could be his probation officer, as she has apprehended him on at least three occasions. The third time he was apprehended by her (along with two other anime police girls) his dialogue suggests that he actually enjoyed it this time. He's even seen hanging out with her at a Femboy Hooters in the background of the episode "Master Chief Becomes a Femboy (The Anime)". Though this is just speculation.

### Yellow Jacket

Tahu first met Yellow Jacket when he's working at Burger King in the episode I accidentally entered a Burger King while he was tagging along on Hippo and Turskit's date. Tahu, Hippo, and even Turskit make many jokes discouraging Burger King with Yellow Jacket trying and failing to rebuke them. Despite getting heckled by Tahu, Yellow Jacket cheers up a discouraged Tahu by giving him a Burger King cardboard crown so he can feel like a king, which in turn changes Tahu's mind about Burger King (At least until the place is blown up by Astolfo.)

In the episode Guys I Lost the Fight at Waffle House :(, Tahu has since become an online male role model guru. He's also become a negative influence on Yellow Jacket who is now a fan of his and wants to be just like him. However, Tahu ends up trying to humiliate Yellow Jacket by setting him up to fight Turskit's dad. It is revealed that Tahu did this this because he's jealous of Yellow Jacket being invited to Turskit's "All Girls Slumber Party".

## Quotes

*"That does it! I'm goin' to straight up to Taco Bell! Cause at least there, it ain't a mystery if I'm gonna get food poisoning. It's guaranteed!"* - Every Time I go to Chipotle This Happens

"Anyway, do you guys mind if I write about this for our ***screenplay***?" - Darth Vader goes to Starbucks to become Instagram Famous

*"So you’re saying the game is rigged from the start. Ya see, when I cheat people, it’s all inclusive 🅱!"* - You are forced to Play Monopoly [ASMR]

*"A sub? As if! I'm on top! ON TOP OF THIS GAME! You see this fit?"* - You get Dominated at Subway

*"BOY, you might be the international house of pancakes, but this violence gonna be domestic if I don't get pancakes!"* - You Buy a Goth GF at IHOP

*"Yano, it’s hard to find somebody who understands me better than my probation officer!”* - How to get a goth GF w/ a Dump Truck on Tinder

*"It's gonna be so much harder to steal your girlfriend from that guy. He's got five dollars... I don't stand a chance..."* - I accidentally entered a Burger King

*"Real men get into random altercations at fast food restaurants for no reason."* - Guys I Lost the Fight at Waffle House :(

*"Thirty dollars for popcorn? Heh. We're hustlers. We don't get hustled."* - They Should've BANNED me from the Movies Sooner

*"Girl, at least he didn't get my Tim's" - Indiana Jones raided my panty drawer*

## Gallery

Tahu wants to write about this for his screen play.Tahu enjoying Ranch Dressing with Anime Guy and Anime Police Girl at Femboy Hooters.Tahu changes his mind about Burger KingTahu as an online male role model guru.Tahu's thirst texts to TurskitThe male fantasy is REAL!Tahu's last supper.
## **Appearances**

In chronological order:

Every Time I go to Chipotle This Happens (December 30, 2019) (Video Link)

Every Time I Order Ice Cream at Mcdonald’s (February 8, 2020) (Video Link)

Darth Vader goes to Starbucks to become Instagram Famous (March 5, 2020) (Video Link)

You are forced to Play Monopoly [ASMR] (April 1, 2020) (Video Link)

Master Chief Becomes a Femboy (The Anime) (August 7, 2020) (Video Link) (Cameo)

You Buy a Goth GF at IHOP (February 4, 2021) (Video Link)

You get Dominated at Subway (June 19, 2021) (Video Link)

How to get a goth GF w/ a Dump Truck on Tinder (July 1, 2022) (Video Link)

I accidentally entered a Burger King (February 3, 2023) (Video Link)

I sell my soul at a Planet Fitness (March 24, 2023) (Video Link) (Reference/cameo in a stream chat)

Indiana Jones raided my panty drawer (June 16, 2023) (Video Link)

Guys I Lost the Fight at Waffle House :( (Aug 18, 2023) (Video Link)

Can I Survive a Taco Bell Visit? (Oct 6, 2023) (Video Link)

They Should've BANNED me from the Movies Sooner (December 15, 2023) (Video Link)

## Trivia

* Tahu has been arrested at least 5 times during the course of the Hippo Saga (He was arrested along with Hippo at the end of the episode "Every Time I Order Ice Cream at Mcdonald’s", mentioned being put under House arrest in "Darth Vader goes to Starbucks to become Instagram Famous" and was put under house arrest again at the end of the same episode. He was arrested again at the end of the episode "You are forced to Play Monopoly [ASMR]", and was arrested once more at the end of "Guys I Lost the Fight at a Waffle House :(".
* A reoccurring joke is that Tahu is constantly called out for his fashion, most notably his Timbs being fake, which happens three times. (You get Dominated at Subway, How to get a goth GF w/ a Dump Truck on Tinder, and Indiana Jones raided my panty drawer.)
* When they're made fun of for the third final time when Hippo remarks "Bruh, yo shoes so fake, they non-existent!", which cause Tahu's Timbs to disappear. They are not seen again during the rest of the video or in any subsequent videos, implying they were imaginary this entire time.
* Tahu shares a lot in common with Master Chief. Both try to maintain their macho image, both are willing to pull out guns and start blasting when things escalate, both tried to flaunt their fake designer shoes (and the fact that they were wearing Gucci), both wear gold chains around their necks, both of them have given advice about being manly, and both seem to have some insecurities which they deny. Both of them are even attracted to Astolfo (Though Tahu openly admits to being attracted to Astolfo while Master Chief denies it). Though they're still opposites in that Tahu hot headed and aggressive while Master Chief is level headed and plays it cool.
* Interestingly enough, Master Chief and Tahu have yet to directly interact with each other despite their similarities.
* The lay out of Tahu's house is similar to that of the apartment from Silent Hill 4: The Room (A game that would later be referenced in "Can I Survive a Taco Bell Visit?").

## References

1. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bionicle
2. ↑ https://bionicle.fandom.com/wiki/Tahu\_(2001)#Early\_Life
3. ↑ https://silenthill.fandom.com/wiki/Room\_302
4. ↑ https://silenthill.fandom.com/wiki/Silent\_Hill\_4:\_The\_Room