Cross Crusty Running

an adventure starring Firebreathing Kittens Dr. Crud III, Boltzmann, and Olive Muhdo.

Tweetable length description: An elephant, croc, and brain wake up in jail. Find out why and how they handle it on this episode of the FBK podcast!

Setting: Blimington-on-the-Rock

Non-Player Characters:

* Officer Zonderkop
* Deputy Knuddelmaus
* "Scrote" McFlannigan
* Ole Cap’n Crusty
* Jimmy Swivel Hands
* Silly Joe Bangles
* Doyle O’Foyle
* Boyle O’Foyle
* Orla O’Foyle
* Seamus the Bastard
* Kelvin the Carpenter
* Mama Pancione
* Giorgino Pancione
* Tiny Freddo
* Cavity McCool
* Terence Splitface
* Screaming Michela
* Sonny the Kid

Plot Summary:

Boltzmann, Dr. Crud III, and Olive wake up in adjacent jail cells in a muddy Western town with a sleepy Sheriff named Zonderkop. The last thing they remember is a good-looking half-elf who came for an interview with the Firebreathing Kittens over drinks. The Sheriff informs them they were found passed out on the edge of town, and he was told to give them instructions to go speak to the Pancioni family. Boltzmann quickly surmises that the Pancioni family has drugged and kidnapped them, and Olive is livid that the Sheriff won't investigate the crime, while Dr. Crud is not at all surprised at the local authority's incompetence.

When they're let out of the cell, instead of heading to the Pancioni family's manor, Olive comes up with a plan to tarnish Sheriff Zonderkop's reputation and turn the town against him by spreading rumours. Heading into the local bar, they are disappointed to find there's only two people, one of whom, Old Captain Crusty, immediately gets a heart attack when approached by Boltzmann, is resuscitated by Dr. Crud, and runs off into the wild. The other is their old acquaintance "Scrote" McFlannigan, who tells them the haps: the town is built next to an abandoned mine below a giant boulder, and two gangs have recently moved in, vying over the mine: the Swivelhand gang and the Pancioni family.

Hoping to make friends with their enemies' enemies, the trio decides to visit the Swivelhand gang at the old cabaret, and meet Jimmy Swivelhands, who they determine is trying to genuinely do something good by using the mine to fund an orphanage. He's sent multiple people into the depths already that haven't come back, so needs their help finding his allies and exploring the mine. The heroes agree to help, and head toward the abandoned mine, but are cut off by the entire Pancioni family, who they make quick work of and drop off at the ramshackle jail.

The mine turns out to be infested with giant spiders, led by a giant blue phase spider who has been mutated by the true treasure here: an extraterrestrial material that has otherworldly effects on living beings. Naturally, Olive and Dr. Crud eat some, and grow several inches. Boltzmann asks for the digestive tract of a spider to integrate into his mechanical body, but Dr. Crud instead unscrews Boltzmann's lid and rubs the glowing rock on his physical brain, causing it to double in size and glow blue permanently. After some more investigation, they also find the missing Swivelhand gang members along with some Pancioni-affiliated miners stuck in a collapsed cavern, and safely guide them back to the town.

Having saved the miners and helped establish the orphanage, Olive pushes for an impromptu election, and although only 12 people live in the town and most of them are in either of the two gangs, the majority rules, and Sheriff Zonderkop is ousted from his position. Jimmy Swivelhands takes his office (presumably with Old Captain Crusty as his deputy), arrests the Pancioni family for drugging and kidnapping the Firebreathing Kittens, and establishes the new Swivelhands Orphanage, as the heroes say their goodbyes and head back to Niqamui.