Unikitty X Spongebob Parody Graveyard Shift

**Narrator:** Ah, The Happy Burger. Unikingdom's premiere daytime eatery. Where it will be closing time right about...

**Master Frown:** *[talks cheerfully as he switches the “Open” sign to "Closed"]* Now! 8:00! So long, suckers! I've got a hot date with a little lady, and her name is: *[pulls out his clarinet]* Clarinet. *[Gizmo shows up at the door and knocks on it, causing Master Frown to drop his clarinet]* What?

**Gizmo:** Are you open?

**Master Frown:** *[points to the sign]* Read the sign.

**Gizmo:** *[ignores him]* I'll have a Unikingdom Burger Deluxe and a double chili french fries.

**Master Frown:** No, you won't! I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life.

**Gizmo:** Well, fine, if you don't want my money!

**Mr. Happy:** *[says cheerfully]* Money?! *[Mr. Happy then falls from the ceiling on top of Master Frown]* You mean, if we stayed open later, you'd give us your money?

**Gizmo:** *[pulls out cash; Q.T., Dino Dude, and Old Timey Mustache Man appear behind him]* Sure!

**Mr. Happy:** Mr. Frown, *[tears up the “Closed” sign]* welcome to the night shift. From now on, Happy Burger is open 24 hours a day.

**Master Frown:** What!? *[the citizens barge in cheering]*

**Unikitty:** Wow! Now we never have to stop working!

**Master Frown:** Mr. Happy..

**Mr. Happy:** See ya in the morning, guys! I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life. *[leaves]*

**Master Frown:** Mr. Happy?

**Unikitty:** Isn't this great, Frownie?! Just you and me together for hours and hours and hours and then the sun'll come up and it'll be tomorrow and we'll still be working! *[gasps]* It'll be just like a sleepover! Only we'll be sweaty and covered with grease! *[jumps on cash register counter]* Are you ready to rock, Guys?!

**Master Frown:** No.

**Unikitty:** Good! 'Cause we've got customers!

**Master Frown:** *[Beau walks up to counter; Master Frown hands him a baseball bat]* Here. Please hit me as hard as you can.

**Unikitty:** Pst, Master Frown. I'm working in the kitchen *[laughs]* at night!

**Unikitty:** And i'm attending a customer at night!

**Master Frown:** *[takes hat off; leans head on counter]* Don't hold back.

**Unikitty:** *[cuts to Unikitty in the kitchen]* Hey, Master Frown. Guess what? I'm chopping lettuce...at night. *[cuts to Unikitty in the bathroom wiping it clean with himself]* Look at me, I'm swabbing the bathroom...at night. *[cuts to Unikitty at the grill picking up spatula, misses the spatula and hits the grill; screams]* I BURNED MY HAND!!! At night. *[cuts to Unikitty walking on the counter, singing to the tune of Charge]* Night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, na-na-na-na-night! NIGHT!!!!

**Master Frown:** Will you please shut up?! Here, *[hands Unikitty a bag of garbage]* give me a moment's peace and take out the trash!

**Unikitty:** All right! *[takes bag from Master Frown]* Taking out the trash. Taking out the trash...at night. *[stops at the door]* You mean outside?

**Master Frown:** That's where the dumpster is, yes.

**Unikitty:** I don't know, Master Frown, *[leans face against window]* it's kinda dark out there.

**Master Frown:** But I thought you liked the night shift.

**Unikitty:** You're right! *[lifts bag over his head]* For the Happy Burger! *[runs out of the building to the dumpster, screaming and panicking the whole way; reenters the building panting heavily. She snaps her fingers and confidently says]* Piece of cake!

**Master Frown:** So you're not afraid?

**Unikitty:** Pfft, nah.

**Master Frown:** Well I am. Especially after, *[looks around, gulps]* well, you know.

**Unikitty:** *[turns around]* What? What do I know?

**Master Frown:** You don't remember? It was all over the news.

**Unikitty:** Tell me, tell me!

**Master Frown:** No, no, no, I probably shouldn't. It would ruin the night shift for you. *[gives a sympathetic look, then smiles slyly]*

**Unikitty:** *[scared]* What happened, what happened, what happened?!?!

**Master Frown:** You mean you've never heard the story of the *[thinks]* "Hash-Slinging Slasher?"

**Unikitty:** The Slash-Bringing Hasher?

**Master Frown:** The Hash-Slinging Slasher!

**Unikitty:** The Sash-Ringing, the Trash-Singing, Mash-Flinging, The Flash-Springing, Ringing, The Cr-Crash-Dinging, daa.

**Master Frown:** Yes. The Hash-Slinging Slasher. But, most people just call him The Ha---*[breaks into scream]* because that's all they have time to say before he gets them!

**Unikitty:** *[begging]* TELL ME THE STORY!

**Master Frown:** Years ago at this very restaurant, the Hash-Slinging Slasher used to be a fry cook - just like you - only clumsier. And then, one night, when he was cutting buns ...it happened.

**Unikitty:** He forgot the secret sauce?

**Master Frown:** No.

**Unikitty:** He didn't wash his hands?

**Master Frown:** No!

**Unikitty:** Irregular portions?

**Master Frown:** No! He cut off his own hand by mistake.

**Unikitty:** You mean like this? *[pulls one of her arms out of socket, another one grows back in its place]* Or like this? *[pulls it again, another one grows back]* Or this? *[does it again]* Or this? *[does it again]* But what about this? Or this, or this, or this, or...

**Master Frown:** *[interrupts]* Except he wasn't a kitty!

**Unikitty:** *[ask with all her extra hands creating a rainbow-like line]* So?

**Master Frown:** So it didn't grow back!

**Unikitty:** *[screams high pitched]* **OOOOOOHHHHH NOOOOO!!!!** *[all of Unikitty's extra arms lift their hands upwards and run away]*

**Master Frown:** And he replaced his hand with a rusty spatula. And then, he got hit by a bus! And...at his funeral, they fired him! So now, every...what day is it?

**Unikitty:** Tuesday.

**Master Frown:** Tuesday night, his ghost returns to The Happy Burger to wreak his horrible vengeance.

**Unikitty:** *[gasps]* But tonight's Tuesday night!

**Master Frown:** Then he'll be coming.

**Unikitty:** How will we know?

**Master Frown:** There are three signs that signal the approach of the Hash-Slinging Slasher. First, the lights will flicker on and off. Next...

**Diane:** *[interrupts]* Dude, can I have some ketchup?

**Master Frown:** Oh, here you go. *[hands her ketchup]* Next, the phone will ring and there will be nobody there. *[shows Unikitty eating their fingernails]* And finally, the Hash-Slinging Slasher arrives in the ghost of the bus that ran him over. *[shows Unikitty eating their fingernails, starts eating her arms, the arms regrow and they eat those and then they eat their arms like popcorn]* Then he exits the bus and crosses the street without looking both ways because he's already dead! *[Unikitty begins eating her hands like popcorn]* Then he taps on the window with his grizzly spatula hand..

**Unikitty:** No.

**Master Frown:** He opens the door *[pushes his hand to the Unikitty's face, making it look like he's a door that's being opened; while doing this he imitates the sound of a squeaky door opening. leans towards the siblings' face, which sinks in]* He slowly approaches the counter *["counter" echoes menacingly]* ...and you know what he does next?

**Unikitty:** What?

**Master Frown:** You really want to know?

**Unikitty:** What?

**Master Frown:** Are you sure you want to know?

**Unikitty:** What, what, what does he do?!

**Master Frown:** *[sneaks up on Unikitty, taps her]* HE RIPS YOU APART WITH A CHAINSAW! *[Unikitty now screams repeatedly for about 20 seconds while Master Frown is laughing]* Unikitty... *[continues screaming]* Unikitty I wa... *[screaming continues]* I was ju... *[Unikitty's pupils are now screaming too]* I was jus... *[screaming continues]* Keep it down, I was joking!

**Unikitty:** What?

**Master Frown:** It's not true! None of it is true!

**Unikitty:** It's not?

**Master Frown:** Of course not. Nobody has a spatula for a hand. It was all a joke.

**Unikitty:** Ohhhhh. *[laughs repeatedly like she did with screaming]* *[cuts into later in the night. Shows Happy Burger with a big sign that says 'Open Forever']*

*[Master Frown is shown at the counter reading a book. Master Frown hears spooky noises and feels water dripping on him but he doesn't know what it is.]*

**Unikitty:** *on the ceiling wearing suction cups cleaning]* Isn't this great, Master Frown? *[Master Frown screams]* There's never time to wash the ceiling during the day.

**Master Frown:** *[says to himself]* Open 24 hours a day. What a stupid idea! Who wants a Unikingdom Burger at three in the morning?

*[cuts to Puppycorn's bedroom]*

**Puppycorn:** *[Puppycorn's alarm clock goes off]* Oh, boy! Three A.M.! *[whips out a Unikingdom Burger and starts to eat it; cut back to Happy Burger]*

**Master Frown:** Just look at this place. It's like a ghost town in here! *[lights start to flicker on and off]* Very funny, Unikitty.

**Unikitty:** What?

**Master Frown: "**And the lights will flicker on and off." Just like the story. I get it. *[realizes no one is flickering the light switch and looks shocked]*

**Unikitty:** Hey, Master Frown, how are you doing that without moving the switch?

**Master Frown:** I'm not doing it. It must be the stupid, faulty wiring in here. This place isn't built to run 24 hours a day! *[phone rings, Master Frown picks it up]* What, what, hello? Hello? Hello?

**Unikitty:** *[walks up to the counter]* Nice try, Master Frown.

**Master Frown:** Nice try, what?

**Unikitty:** "The phone will ring and there will be no one there." *[raises eyebrows up and down and giggles]* Oh, you crack me up.

**Master Frown:** Unikitty, I'm not doing this. *[hangs up phone]* Oh no, calm down, calm down. All right, what was it? There was the lights, *[lights flicker on and off]* and the phone, *[phone rings]* and the walls will ooze green slime! *[walls start to ooze green slime]* No, wait. They always do that. But what was that third thing? *[hears a motor, turns his head and opens his eyes wide; a bus pulls up to Happy Burger doors]*

**Unikitty:** *[walks up to the counter]* I didn't know the buses ran this late.

**Master Frown:** They don't! *[a man gets out of the bus and the bus pulls away, all Master Frown and Unikitty can see is his spooky outline which is none other than the Hash Slinging Slasher]*

**Unikitty:** Well, they're dropping someone off. *[from the outside, the Hash Slinging Slasher lifts his spatula which is for his hand, laughing evilly as he begins pounding on the doors.]*

**Master Frown:** *[screaming]*

**Master Frown:** The Sash-Ringing, Flash-Singing, the Bash-Pinging...

**Unikitty:** The Hash-Slinging Slasher! *[starts to cry and she's right]*

**Master Frown:** At least you understand! We're doomed!

**Unikitty:** No, that's not it. *[wipes tear]* I am just so touched that you would go through the trouble to dress up as a ghostly fry cook and stand on the other side of the street, just to entertain me! You must really like me! *[cries again]*

**Master Frown:** Unikitty, there are two problems with your theory. One - I hate you both. And two - how can that be me when I'm standing right here!? *[the Hash Slinging Slasher is still pounding on the doors, looking ready to kill]*

**Unikitty:** *[screaming]*

**Unikitty and Master Frown:** The Hash-Slinging Slasher! *[the Hash Slinging Slasher smashes down the doors and comes up to the counter]*

**Master Frown:** *[screams and flees the restaurant]*

**Hash Slinging Slasher**: [Takes his chainsaw out and turns it on, yelling in a demonic voice] **HERE COMES THE EXTREEEEEEEMEEE PAIN!!!!!!**

(The screen goes black before The Hash Slinging Slasher is heard tearing Unikitty apart. Cut to The Happy Burger restaurant in the morning. Mr. Happy is walking to his restaurant. He opens the doors.)

**Mr. Happy**: (chuckles) I'm so happy to see you today, Unikitty. (Notices something on the floor) Are you o-

(Mr. Happy cuts himself off from talking and screams at the top of his lungs. There was Unikitty in a heap and surrounded by her severed limbs. Mr. Happy broke down in tears.)

**Mr.** **Happy**: UNIKITTY, NOOOOOOOOOOO!

**Unikitty**: (weak voice) Mr. Happy, is that you?

**Mr. Happy**: (voice breaking) Oh, Unikitty! What kind of monster would do this to you?!

**Unikitty**: The... H-hash S-s-slinging S-s-s-slasher.

**Mr. Happy**: (looking over he mutilated body) Oh, Unikitty! I'm sorry he would do this to you! I'm sorry he ripped you up and injured you like this! (Wipes his tears) Come on, Unikitty! I'll call an ambulance to take you to the hospital! The doctors will fix you up! You'll be okay!

**Unikitty**: (coughing in pain) Mr. Happy, I... I need you... to do... one last favor... for me.

**Mr. Happy**: Yeah. And what's that?

**Unikitty**: (Shallow and labored breathing) I... want you... to kill me.

**Mr. Happy**: (Gasping loudly) **WHAT?! UNIKITTY, NO!** Please no! I can't do that! You'll be alright! Allow me to call 911! I'll get you help! Just hang in there!

**Unikitty**: (Wincing and squeezing her eyes shut) I can't... I can't... live like this, Mr. Happy.

**Mr. Happy**: Unikitty, the pain will go away in time, and I'll take good care of you when you get out of the hospital. I promise. Just be strong for a little longer. Please.

**Unikitty**: I cannot... handle the pain. It's just too much for me. And if I live, what good... will I be... without my limbs? I can't work, I can't walk, and I won't have a life.

**Mr. Happy**: (whimpering, knowing Unikitty is right) Oh dear.

**Unikitty**: Please, Mr. Happy... I can't take it. I can't... take this pain. Or... the empty future... I have.

(Mr. Happy went into the kitchen and grabbed a kitchen knife. Grasped between shaking hands, Mr. Happy began to hesitantly life the knife over Unikitty's torn apart body. Suddenly, Mr. Happy's arms fell to his sides and Mr. Happy started to cry. It hurt him more to think about taking Unikitty's life than seeing her the way she is right now.)

**Mr. Happy**: I can't do this! I CAN'T! There has to be another way! Please, anything but this!

(Mr. Happy continued sobbing while dropping the knife before putting his hands over his eyes. Yielding to reality, he picked up the knife and held it above Unikitty's body, weeping as he tried to muster the nerve to put Unikitty out of her misery.)

**Mr. Happy**: (Crying) I'm so sorry, Unikitty.

(With that heartbroken apology, Mr. Happy plunged the knife as hard as he can into Unikitty's chest with a horrifying cracking noise and it severed Unikitty's dying heart. Unikitty's screaming was as agonizing for her to feel as it was for Mr. Happy to hear. Mr. Happy's sorrowful cries were getting worse now. Mr. Happy pulled the knife out and rested his hand over the wound, not wanting to believe of what he did.)

**Mr. Happy**: No! NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'm so sorry! I'm sorry, Unikitty! I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYY!!! (Goes off into unintelligible bawling)

**Unikitty**: (very shallow breaths) Don't be. I'm just... glad... that... the last... thing... I got... to see... is... you. Tell... my... brother... that... I... love him. (Weak smile) It was very nice... knowing... you... Mr. Happy. You've done... so much... for me... as a... boss. (Her eyelids droop until her eyes were just silvers of white) Thank... you. Goodbye.

(Unikitty takes one last breath before closing her eyes for the last time. She passed away in Mr. Happy's arms and her suffering has finally ended. Mr. Happy pressed his head against her head as he wept, rocking back and forth with her body held up to him close. He stroked Unikitty's face.)

**Mr. Happy**: Goodbye, Unikitty! I promise to tell Puppycorn that you love him! I'll always remember you!

(Mr. Happy held Unikitty's dead body to his chest, crying loudly while saying sorry over and over again. Mr. Happy felt like he apologized enough times. Mr. Happy would never forgive himself for this.)

**Mr. Happy**: (sobbing hysterically) Why was I not here to save Unikitty from the Hash Slinging Slasher?! Maybe I should have stayed here, even If I would be tired from staying in my restaurant all night! WELL, I REALLY SHOULD HAVE!!! I WOULD'VE STOPPED THE HASH SLINGING SLASHER FROM INJURING AND DISMEMBERING UNIKITTY LIKE THIS!!!

(Mr. Happy was still mentally beating himself up over the whole problem, blaming himself for not staying at The Happy Burger. A part of Mr. Happy wanted to hope that this had all been a horrible nightmare and that he would wake up soon. Suddenly, he heard and saw Puppycorn heading over to The Happy Burger.)

**Puppycorn**: Sis, are you still at work?! Well, how about you come play with me!

**Mr. Happy**: (freaking out) AAAAAAAAAHH HAAAAAAA HAAAAAAA HAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAA!!

(Mr. Happy seriously started to panic. He knew how fond Puppycorn was of Unikitty and he definitely did not want to traumatize Puppycorn with the sight of his sister's mangled remains. Mr. Happy carried Unikitty's body into the freezer in the kitchen and he closed up the freezer doors.)

**Mr. Happy**: Puppycorn?!

**Puppycorn**: Come on, Mr. Happy! Where is my sister?! Did you find Unikitty?!

(Mr. Happy reached out and hugged Puppycorn without saying a word. Puppycorn was completely perplexed by what Mr. Happy is doing to him.)

**Puppycorn**: Ummmmm, you okay, Mr. Happy? What's with the hugging?

**Mr. Happy**: Because of, um, how, much, I love you. Yes.

(Mr. Happy puts Puppycorn down.)

**Mr. Happy**: Puppycorn, I...

(Mr. Happy was already losing his poise, trying to think of how he can break the news to Puppycorn.)

**Mr. Happy**: I... something bad has... That monster called the Hash Slinging Slasher has done something terrible.

(Mr. Happy's eyes began to tear up, but Mr. Happy tried his hardest to hide it.)

**Puppycorn**: (Having his eyes get wide of what could have possibly befallen Unikitty) Is... is Unikitty okay?

**Mr. Happy**: (swallows hard) Puppycorn, I don't know how to tell you this. But, your sister Unikitty... Unikitty is dead.

(Puppycorn stared at Mr. Happy in disbelief. That statement did not make sense to Puppycorn at first. Unikitty couldn't be dead. But, the grave look on Mr. Happy's face told Puppycorn that he was not lying at all. Puppycorn broke down into cascades of tears with his hands covering his mouth.)

**Puppycorn**: WHAT?!?! NOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NOT UNIKITTY!!!!

(Puppycorn collapsed into Mr. Happy's arms, screaming and sobbing uncontrollably. Mr. Happy was doing his best to comfort Puppycorn, but seeing him in so much anguish just ripped the flesh wound even further. Puppycorn was also green and was so sheltered from the harsh truths of the world. This had to be, by far, one of the worst possible losses. Puppycorn cried and cried until he could not breathe.)

**Puppycorn**: (heaving sobs) What happened?!

**Mr. Happy**: The Hash Slinging Slasher used a chainsaw to hurt Unikitty very severely.

(Mr. Happy could not bring himself to admit to Puppycorn that he had struck the final blow himself.)

**Puppycorn**: (wiping his eyes) Can I see her?! Where is she?!

**Mr. Happy**: Oh, Puppycorn, I don't know if you should see her. She is in extremely bad shape. I really don't want it to scare you.

(This had to upset Puppycorn even further. We now cut to Unikitty's funeral where Unikitty's dead and ripped body is now in her coffin. There were a lot of emotional people mourning the loss of Unikitty, including Mr. Happy and Puppycorn.)