Jeff Stinco is a very beautiful man and a wonderful hero for all of us

Jeff Stinco is a very beautiful man and a wonderful hero for all of us - a short film

*This is the official transcript for Jeff Stinco is a very beautiful man and a wonderful hero for all of us.*

*Engine overheating. Please wait!*

I will make you better.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Do you hear something?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

You know we all will get through this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

I am very vulnerable.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

(audience clapping)

Oh my god! What the hell?

Why are those girls screaming at me? I just don't understand?

I'm praying that I'm gonna make it out alive.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Oh my gosh, it's Jeff Stinco!

Yes, it's really me!

Oh my gosh!

Hey you girls, cut it off with your screaming!

I'm not going to hurt you, I promise!

We love you, Jeff Stinco!

We love you, Jeff Stinco!

We love you, Jeff Stinco!

We love you, Jeff Stinco!

We love you, Jeff Stinco!

SELENA and BLACKPINK: We love you, Jeff Stinco!

(screaming)

I just can't believe you!

Thank you so much for that, Selena, Lisa, Jennie, Jisoo, and Rosé!

You're making me want to cry!

I just can't stop myself from crying, because of you girls.

I love you for saying that!

I love you!

Ew, why is that raccoon next to you? Yuck!

You deserve a treat!

I deserve a treat too, but that raccoon wants one too!

Girls, I'm not here to scare you!

I'm just here to be friends with you so that your fanbase isn't made for those bearded motherfuckers to go head over heels for you all for who you are!

Let's kill those scary bearded freaks off of Twitter soon!

Also, I would like some chocolate mint cookie, but I can't have it, since I'm lactose intolerant. Thank you.

What? No way! No way! No way!

Sip it like a Slurpee!

Thank you so much for giving me that chocolate mint cookie ice cream that I love, Selena! You are the best!

Well, you're welcome.

And that is why they say, Jeff Stinco is still the undisputed king of pop punk music.

And I mean literally.

No, no, stop! No, no, why?

Don't, just please stop, just no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't, don't!

(screams)

Uh, well, that's unfortunate.

(screaming)

Fucker, don't you dare hurt those girls!

(Instrumental of Jeff Stinco's In Love With You playing)

Because Jeff Stinco is here to save you all in giant form.

Got ya!

(laughs)

You can't get rid of me, bitch. It's all over for you now, goodbye.

I'm gonna make it out alive.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

(applause)

Thank you so much for saving us, Jeff. You are a hero for all of us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

That's right! Now I wonder how the hell do you shrink me down in normal size?

Jeff, thank you so much for saving us from that scary little weasel who is obsessed with us.

No doubt. I'm still upset I didn't get the chance to collaborate with you girls for that song you made called Ice Cream.

You should've helped me out there!

Oh, don't worry. We should've helped you out.

If you weren't with Simple Plan, you would perform Ice Cream with us and Selena.

You would so kill it with your vocals!

Right? But this is the real reason why I always wanted to be a singer!

And those Simple Plan guys are destroying it for me!

I can't sing for anything!

Pierre gets all the major attention, along with the other guys and Patrick Langlois, and I really hate it so much!

I only get the gang vocals instead!

And I feel so cheated because of what those guys did to me!

Just why?

Well, I guess the only reason that stopped you for singing is that Simple Plan is really holding against your own will to sing.

And it feels like something you just can't get out of, but you have to get out of it, Jeff.

Don't let those guys tear you down, Jeff. You will finally find your true singing voice once again.

Yes, I guess you're right.

My singing career is just coming back to me already.

I want to be a person who makes you happy, not just to play the guitar and cry about it.

I just wanted to make you happy, and I just wanted to be your friend.

I'm always going to be there, no matter how hard I try.

You girls, Selena, Lisa, Rosé, Jennie, Jisoo, you girls saved my life!

I couldn't be a better person to you girls!

Thank you so much for that! I love you!

Hey, Jeff Stinco! Queen B is here!

Hello there, Beyoncé. It's good to see you.

Hey, what's up, Jeff? Ri Ri is here.

Hello there, Rihanna.

I hope Chris Brown loses his career so I can sing again and to further showcase that I can just beat him off for you.

Jeff Stinco, pop punk king! Good to see you.

Good to see you too, Nicki. Your husband's been in jail yet?

Jeff, why are you holding a ice cream truck with all of those ladies inside of it?

I'm holding this ice cream truck to protect Selena Gomez and Blackpink from being lusted over by bearded men who tweet way more than them on Twitter.

It's best that you should have one too, just to get them killed for fanboying over us.

Those fuckers wish they were like us, but no.

It is all over for them, goodbye!

(screaming) Oh my god! What the hell!

(applause)

Kill them with kindness!

Wow, Jeff, that was so epic for you to do that.

How did you do that, I'm sorry?

Well, I did that because I just wanted to protect Selena Gomez and Blackpink to prevent getting their butts touched over by bearded men having a obsession over them.

There were scary men who the girls just crushed over in the streets, and so, they truly deserved it.

Those sick bastards and their obsession! How do I stop it from happening?

The only way we can stop those men with beards crushing over us on Twitter, is to curse off at them for ever wanting to love us for our looks, when they should be interested in women who weight over 600 pounds instead.

Those men will regret obsessing over us in five more years or so.

That's some great advice, Rihanna. Thanks for that!

I can't believe that these men exist in this world, and I just wish I can just wash all of their bearded faces and turn it into my singing career, so I can sing again for all of them to not exist anymore.

I just feel like bearded men are too scary from my own liking, and they all scare me, which is why I always hated them all.

I never found them funny, I never found them entertaining, I never found them smart, I just found them annoying.

You got that right, Nicki.

Like those bearded losers wanted to be friends with me too, and they also wanted to be so obsessive over how beautiful I am.

When in reality, I would just tell these guys to fuck off.

They don't know me like that!

I'm not their slave, and they don't know anything about myself!

And I hate facial hair in general!

And I hate growing facial hair on my face, because mustaches and beards in my opinion don't suit me very well, and I prefer to be clean shaven instead.

I just know that, for sure though!

Yeah, I agree with you on that.

I just hope, no matter what, you are the most beautiful man to ever exist in this entire world.

And those bearded sickos can't take that away from you, Jeff.

You're right, Beyoncé.

I am beautiful. I am strong. I am very beloved.

I am loved and deserved the love from you girls.

I'm always loved. I deserved to be loved.

I'm going to carry myself on top of what those freaks are trying to do on Twitter.

I must destroy them all, and their disgusting, nasty tweets they've put out over the years.

Can you girls help me out? Beyoncé, Rihanna, Nicki? Do something for once?

Oh my gosh, Jeff, that was some really good words of wisdom!

You definitely should be our friend to get those scary bearded monsters off of social media.

That will be so iconic for you to do that!

But I feel like all of those scary bearded men obsessing over our looks on Twitter is getting way too far and out of hand up in here.

So we are going to help you out, all right?

I just wish men with beards who tweet over 100,000 times on Twitter didn't exist in this world.

I just wish all of us can live in a world without those scary bearded men destroying everything we worked so hard for today.

Roaches!

The roaches, when the lights come out, they, they, they scrambling.

The roaches, Jeff, they're roaches!

Bearded men who tweet over 100,000 times on Twitter are roaches now, Jeff!

They are roaches, be clear!

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Bearded men are all roaches and they wanted to destroy our hard work.

It's not right that these sick fucks are letting people be obsessed with them online, when they should be in jail for the disgusting shit they did over the years.

But yes, I agree with you girls.

That bearded men are destroying our precious hard work, making us look bad, while trying to make themselves look good.

Those fuckers can't sit with us!

You know what? I appreciate everything you said, Jeff.

That those men can't sit with us and they are disgusting.

I think you should definitely be our friend to help destroy those guys, and make them disappear off the internet forever.

Yeah, and the real reason why you can't always trust random strangers on the internet, because of some dark secrets they seriously don't want to tell you.

They're just wolves in sheep's clothing, and it sucks that we live in a world where these monsters exist in the same universe as us.

I think I handled it pretty well, and I'm glad that you girls understand me too.

I will always be the most beautiful man in the entire world, and no one can stop me.

I don't let anyone come near my space when I'm with my wife and my kids.

We settled this problem very well today, and I think I'm done talking with you girls for now. Deal?

Deal.

Deal.

To freedom!

And I think we all have a deal, and it's about to begin very soon.

Let's go!

Okay ladies, now let's get in formation.

I'm sorry, I'm a man. I will do this.

Let's go!