Don’t Trust the Mailman

## Overview

"Don't Trust the Mailman" is the 27th episode of the Hippo Saga.

Astolfo is afraid that the Mailman is out to get him, but Master Chief thinks it's all in his head. Astolfo teams up with Turskit to capture the Mailman and get to the bottom of this.

## Original Video Description:

The goth girl has a huge package (coming) in the mail.

Support the vids: https://www.patreon.com/pantsahat

Astolfo Va: https://twitter.com/CrySpy27

## Characters:

#### Main characters:

* Hippo
* Astolfo
* Turskit
* Master Chief

#### Other characters:

* Mail Person
* Jiko (Cameo/Flashback)
* Demon

## Transcript

Turskit: Oooh! My package is out for deliv- [**CONK**]

Master Chief: [**Groan**]

Astolfo: Tactical roll! You okay?

Turskit: Relax, bro. It's just the mail.

Astolfo: Wait, what if it explodes?

Turskit: [**Gasp**] It's gonna explode?

Astolfo: Yeah. Probably.

Master Chief: You're being paranoid.

Astolfo: Nu-uh! I'm being prepare-anoid! It's just that... the mail man is trying to get me!

Master Chief: Go outside.

Astolfo: I can't go outside dressed in the goth girl's hand-me-downs! I look like I stumbled into every discount rack in a Hot Topic! No offense.

Turskit: Well, you're not wrong.

Master Chief: Just order new clothes.

Astolfo: And invite the mailman here on purpose? No thanks, bro!

Master Chief: You can't hide inside forever.

Astolfo: *You wanna bet, sonny?*

Turskit: Uuuhhhh... guys? Should I still be holding this? I can feel it's heart beat!

Master Chief: You two are ridiculous. There's nothing dangerous about that package. Oohhhh…

Turskit: Oh~ I get it! You wanna be the one that opens it.

Master Chief: Not on your life! I ain't touchin' that.

Turskit: Okay. But should I?

Hippo: Go for it!

Master Chief: WAIT! Who sent that? Was it the furry community? *Are they still after me?*

Turskit: No, silly.

Master Chief: Then who sent it?

Turskit: Uh, dummy. The mailman gives me all the mail! He gets it from the mail factory. It's weird how he always knows what I buy.

Astolfo: It's cause he's stalking us! He's always showing up here! Ringing the bell, leaving things... Oh, what a sicko!

Master Chief: You two are idiots who don't know how the mail works.

Astolfo: WHAT? Idiots? Well, we'll just have to prove it then! Like smart people do!

Astolfo: Alright, tell us why you're trying to hurt us!

Mail Girl: I'm not trying to hurt you... I'm trying to do much worse!

Astolfo: WHAT? You’re… a girl?

Mail Girl: Yeah! Are you stupid?

Astolfo: But... you're the \*mail man\*. What am I supposed to call you?

Turskit: Uh, they're called females with packages.

Mail Girl: I'm blowing you up first!

Turskit: What did I do?!

Mail Girl: You bug me... Do you have any idea how much stuff you two order?

Astolfo: Mmmm... I don't remember buying anything...

Mail Girl: You bought five grand pianos!

Astolfo: Oh yeah! Good thing they had free returns!

Mail Girl: I hate you!

Master Chief: So this is all \*YOUR FAULT!\*

Astolfo: Uuuhhhhhh...

Mail Girl: Actually, you're way worse!

Master Chief: What do you mean? I'm without flaw.

Mail Girl: You bought a cat girl wife, you incel! I'm trying my back out just thinking of lifting this chonker!

Jiko: WHAT?

Master Chief: Oh yeah, I lost that. Uh, I'm gonna need to order a new one.

Mail Girl: THE HECK YOU ARE!

Turskit: Um, excuse me Package Lady? Is it safe to open my present now?

Mail Girl Are you insane?! Why do you still have that?!

Turskit: No takey-backsies!

Mail Girl: Give it to me!

Turskit: Let me open it!

Demon: ...

Turskit: It's cute! I love your outfit! Where'd you get it?

Demon: [**Unearthly demonic noises.**]

Master Chief: Don't get near it! It ain't the mail... person!

Turskit: She wouldn't do that! I hatched this demon like a duck, and that makes me its mom! And she's a good girl. Riiight?

Demon: ...

Turskit: [**Giggles**] See? There's no danger here!

[**BOOM**]

Turskit: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~

Master Chief: You know, just because this schizophrenic delusion turned out to be true, doesn't mean the other ones are!

Astolfo: You said the same thing about the garbage man!

Master Chief: Shut it.

## Trivia

* Astolfo's white hair, Master Chief's pink armor, and the spilled pink hair dye on the floor is carried over from the previous episode, showing that these events took place immediately afterward.
* This is the second episode where Master Chief expresses fear of the furry community (The first time was in "You Buy a Catgirl GF off Amazon"). He warns against opening the package when he assumes it was sent by the furry community (as he had previously alluded to the notion of furries leaving a pipe bomb in his mail box) and asks if they're still after him, indicating that he has a negative history with the furry community.
* The "Missing Cat Girl" poster for Jiko is still on the wall as it was in the in the background of the previous video. Master Chief confirms she's still missing when he says "Oh yeah, I lost that. Uh, I'm gonna need to order a new one" after the Mail Person reprimands him for buying a cat girl wife of the internet.
* This is the second time Astolfo is seen carrying an AK-47. (The first time was in "Every Time I go to Chipotle This Happens")