Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200

**Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200** is session 7.5 of Season One of Wacky Ribbons.

### Notes

-Alex sets the scene with a bad pun. Unfortunately this doesn’t match the tone of the rest of the session.

-Chenille forces herself out of Song’s arms (Song: CAREFUL THERE, CHAMP) to go start fights.

-She sarcastically comments on Ray’s helpfulness, who responds that he “doesn’t play dirty” and that it “didn’t feel like his kind of fight” and is, overall, a creep. She leaves the room and follows after Trongy.

-Ipu asks why Marilla has the 2 dudes. She says they’re her “friends that work for her” and Ipu’s like SURE I GUESS.

-Ipu: They really pissed off Trongy

Marilla: Well it seems like that’s not very hard to do.

Ray:

Ray: WIG

-Ipu finds out that Marilla’s whole deal is that Jack and Fio and Marilla are robin hood types and rob the rich to give back to the community.

-Ruby asks about how Trongy knows Jack and Marilla shrugs it off because she doesn’t know

-Ruby: I guess [Trongy] and Jack know each other?

Marilla: I guess they do, I don’t know Trongy personally, this is my first time meeting her as far as I’m aware.

Ruby: She’s not that great, don’t worry about it.

[Everyone cackles]

-Marilla proposes a deal: Help her with her next mission or stay in jail for an indeterminate amount of time.

-Ruby, Acacia, and Song seem very excited to rob the rich. Marilla says they are looking for someone named “Devorak”. AHA, YIKES!

-Marilla: Please don’t punch [Jack], you’ve punched him so much.

-Everyone finds out the jars of potion were paraffin. Aka Candles. Ass blasted.

-Fio gives Ray throw up juice and everyone has to cheer for him and tell him they had a great time with him to get him to drink to FINALLY go away

-Acacia: You’ll go down in history as a hero if you drink it?

Ray: Aw babe!! When you say it like that I don’t feel so bad (and drinks it)

-We’ve all learned that Relovan will just drink absolutely anything you hand them, next time on jackass we make Relovan drink bees, just to see what happens

-Everyone successfully lies to Relovan to convince them they were saving the world by drinking the potion. Instead of just being stupid for listening to Chenille... about anything.

-Marilla leaves

-Chenille snoops around and finds Trongy crying. Chenille, a really bad rogue, is immediately noticed. (Trongy: I CANNOT deal with you right now. Fuck off.) Chenille just leans against a tree and waits.

-(Remy: is Jack in the room? I wanna punch him again.) Ipu stares angrily at Jack, which makes Relovan realize that there’s a lot of tension in the room.

-Song: We had a scuffle but it’s okay now we’re cool we’re all friends

Ipu: ARE WE?

Song: Yes we are! ...Aren’t--right?

Fio: We definitely could be, Jack, at the same time: FUCKIN NO WAY

Song:

Song: Uhh, well, I mean I guess Ipu and Jack aren’t friends but I’m cool

-Ruby steals yet another Ruby. He now has 2. Someone stop this cat from doing crime

-Acacia and Song cuddle on the floor.

-Chenille asks Trongy how long she’ll need outside, Trongy gets aggressive, but Chenille just says she wants to stall for her. She says 10 minutes, and Chenille goes back inside.

-Ipu goes to talk to Relovan and they talk about how they thought their skin was melting. They feel like garbage and they’re really panicked and stressed and their voice increases an entire octave each word. Ipu comforts them.

-They wanna know where Trongy is and Chenille won’t tell them, but is assured she’s gonna be fine.

-Acacia and Song invite Relovan to cuddle with them, it’s very cute and sweet. I, Mia, shed a tear.

-Song and Acacia harass Chenille to try to get her to join the cuddle pile. [Song: I think you of anyone needs a little nappy nap.]

-Chenille interrogates Jack about what their plans are, because she was outside when they went over it before.

-Jack: Seems to go by Lord Devorak?

Acacia: Ooo, “Lord”, that sounds scary.

Jack: SOUNDS RICH, SWEETHEART

-Chenille looks absolutely fucking horrified and says it would be a stupid idea to take the mission. She’s really shady and dodgy about questions but like, obviously knows this dude somehow

-Acacia: Do you know anything in particular about this man?

Chenille: No.

Song: UHHHH FUCKINNNN INSIGHT CHECK

-Chenille automatically rubs her burn on her arm and Acacia asks if Devorak gave her the burn. She says no. Acacia asks if he did something else to her and she doesn’t answer at all.

-Acacia perception checks Chenille’s pause and LEARNS SOMETHING ABOUT CHENILLE THAT NO ONE ELSE KNOWS

-Ipu makes it clear he also doesn’t want to go on the mission, but will follow majority rule.

-Chenille tries to stop Fio from leaving the room and fails, he looks guilty, can tell that Ipu and Chenille know something

-Ruby: That was a little rude, sir

Jack: I didn’t give the impression I was nice did I?

-Acacia whispers something to Song that no one else can hear, presumably what she put together earlier

-Everyone hears Trongy and Fio yelling outside, Chenille goes outside to eavesdrop and tells everyone to make sure Jack stays inside

-Trongy yells that Fio used her and he looks really guilty but tries to hold her hands, she slaps him very very hard

-Chenille stops Fio and tells him he didn’t deserves to apologize, he tells her to stop shoving her nose into other people’s business. Go off

-Ipu goes outside to talk to Chenille about what’s going on, she reiterates that it’s a really stupid idea to go on the mission for reasons she can’t disclose, Ipu agrees and they complain about not being able to know everything. They both agree that it’s best to wait for Trongy to decide what their next move is.

-Ruby goes outside to talk to Trongy, Chenille tries to stop him and fails, and asks Trongy... if she has ever tried meditating.

-Ruby: Have you tried... meditating

Trongy:

Trongy: What the FUCK did you just say to me?

-Trongy now hates Ruby possibly more than anyone has ever hated anyone, Ruby winks at Trongy.

-everyone goes back inside

-Acacia takes Trongy back outside to talk, making a flower petal curtain to obscure them, and OH BOY DO THEY, here are some quote highlights:

-Acacia says no matter what Trongy thinks is the best decision to make, she thinks the party will all follow her ( :’^) )

-Trongy: No it’s... my fault. My fault for thinking that any decision I make now can change what already happened.

-“There’s not a lot you can do to change your past, I know that fairly well, but I know there’s a lot you can do to change your future. There’s a lot in front of you and if opportunity strikes, you should take it.”

-Trongy: I don’t think any of you are well suited to bury a body

Acacia: /smiles/

Alex: WOAH

-Acacia: It may not seem like it right now but I want you to know that I trust you, Trongy

Trongy: HA, YOU SHOULDN’T! But that’s sweet of you to say

-Trongy decides they all go to jail! Do not collect $200!

-Jack comes at Trongy, shape shifting into Mama Blairfoot, a Tiefling man assumed to be Trongy’s dad, and a Tiefling woman assumes to be Trongy’s mother all in rapid succession, screaming at her

-Chenille tries to jump in between them but misses

-Ruby comes at Jack with a staff, slamming under his chin, nat 20 bitch guess you’re losin TWO teeth today motherfucker.

-Marilla comes back

-Marilla: Didn’t I tell you not to punch him anymore?

Ruby: I didn’t PUNCH him

-Chenille: get better subordinates!

Marilla: I’m sorry do I need to knock you out a third time?

-TRONGY GETS FLIRTY AND I, MIA, AM SWEATY

-Chenille tells Marilla if she goes after Devorak she’s going to die, but doesn’t give anymore information, just effectively pissing Marilla off

-Marilla: well if you could volunteer some information, I’m sure the rest of your group would love to hear it!

Chenille: you’re an idiot

Marilla: how many more crossbow bolts do I need to throw at you?

Song, interjecting: NONE! NONE! ZERO!

-“Take me away officer!” “Y’know I think I could be into pain play if you’re the one behind it.” “Oh honey when you’re mean to me it just turns me on!” “Oh that’s what we were doing? Sorry I got lost in your eyes.”

-Marilla says that they can all exercise free will and everyone goes “WELLLLLLLLLLLLL”

-Everyone sides with Trongy and decides to stay in jail! Woohoo! We’re gonna die here