Spin-off Episode

On a regular Thursday afternoon, Omom's head of sales/personal vizer toiled in his office. He sat directly across from his calendar which had each past day marked out with an "x" in marker. Just below his view sat his digital clock that had been gifted to him from the corporate HR department. In the past, he assisted HR by delivering evidence that linked a past coworker with staple theft. Though his bounty was small, HR was rewarded with an extra year-end bonus. This bonus was unknown to the head of sales, but HR couldn't have left him empty-handed. And so they bought him a clock with which he can count each-- passing-- second.

Despite a declining trend in sales, Omom's daughter demanded perfection from him. This especially annoyed the head of sales as she had no tie to the company other than taking the CEO's place. In spite of her incursions, the head of sales would purposefully create strategies to push away small demographics of customers. He passed the sabotage off as ignorance. This was one of the few things that gave him pleasure working at Omom's Carpet Emporium because while his position was rather lavish, he knew he could do better.

And so, whilst looking at the clock change character, the head of sales contrived a plan that would cement his position and pride within his local hierarchy. He began taking notes on his fellow co-workers, subordinates, and even Omom himself. His notes read:

* 9:30- Arrives at work often with the same convenience store coffee.
* 9:45- After wooing the cashier, he journies to the elevator which brings him to the third floor.
* 10:30- Proceeds to evacuate his previously consumed coffee.
* 11:15- Walks to the designated smoking area not to smoke, but to observe those who spend more than the allotted time.
* 11:30- Goes across town to get lunch-- I presume from Chickfila despite his deep hatred for their food.
* 12:10- Returns to work with a goal to at least sell 3 carpets before 12:45.
* 12:45- After continuously failing to meet his goal, he returns upstairs to his office.
* 12:50-4:50- The next four hours are used to work, sulk, or play with his action figures.
* 4:50- Leaves work ten minutes early each and every day.

Now armed with the tools, the head of sales proceeds to perfect the ultimate assassination attempt. The plan was rather simple. Poison the coffee whenever he sets it down to flirt, cut his breaks before going out to lunch, and lace his crying tissues with LSD. The combination of poison and LSD creates a temporary period in which the victim is controllable similar to hypnosis before subsequent death. Omom will be controlled to strike his daughter's name from his will and sign complete and unconditional control of the company over to the head of sales.

His plan goes off without a hitch. At the last moment, a wonderful idea enters the mind of the head of sales. Frame the murder onto Omom's daughter. That plan also finds no obstacle.

With Omom's daughter now quite literally on the chopping block whispers her final words, "KUKAS--" Her decree is interrupted by the edge of a large ax. Now with her head rolling across the sandy street, filling the cracks and grooves with blood, complete and utter control of Omom's Carpet Emporium belongs to non-other than the devious head of sales.

This sudden lurch in power hasn't gone unnoticed, however. The world's aristocrats take note and press their deals upon the new CEO. Several have been interested in the purchase of such a grand carpet emporium despite its economic downturn. One of the great Aryan Princes of Arabia is most tenacious, however. So much so that he not only invites himself into the office of the CEO but brings his vast wealth in exchange for the store. Aware of the fortune, the new CEO spares no time preparing the deal.

The contract was simple. All Prince Brince must complete is the transfer of his treasures in exchange for the Emporium. Just after signing the transfer clause, a piano placed precariously above him falls, killing the prince instantly. Because he had already signed his wealth, the CEO now owned Prince Brince's wealth and the title to the Emporium!

With no obstacles in his way, the CEO lives the next 15 years in luxury. No complications. No hassles. No worries! This is of course until the FBI conducts a full-scale investigation on the perfidious carpet usurper.

Knowing full well that this could only end one way, he abandons all fortune, all ties to the company, and all identity. There is only one place that he knew he could go and avoid capture: inner-city America.

There, he would become a successful basketball coach for inner-city children. He taught them the values of teamwork, victory, and carpet-based assassination. His children went from disorganized ruffians to seasoned professionals in a matter of months.

One day during practice, however; the coach noticed something alien. After ceasing the drilling, he cautiously walked towards the small, pulsing object from the stars. He observed its intricate detailing and marvelous handiwork. He reached out to touch it. With a bright flash and an audible whoosh, the object's energy gripped the coach.

He awoke; sitting in a familiar chair and in a familiar room, he looked up to notice a taunting sight. His view gazed only on his calendar and his digital clock. The calendar read Thursday.

He sat stunned and then wept into his arms.