Grooving Candles/Transcript

(The episode begins in a dark room. Two white circles pop out from it.)

The circles: Hello there.

(The lights flip on, and it is revealed the circles were none other than Kellie’s eyes.)

Kellie: You have located our musical episode. I wish I could supply you with audio, but you’re just going to have to read them. I guess.

(A knock on a door is heard.)

Kellie’s mother: (Offscreen.) Kellie, who are you talking to in there?!

Kellie: No one, mom! (Turns back toward the screen.) Anyway, enjoy our songs. Enjoy our parodies. For our first song is something quite familiar.

(Theme song plays.)

Kellie: (Offscreen.) Told you.

(Cuts to a view of the beach. Shaduck suddenly pops onscreen.)

Shaduck: A-well-a everybody's heard about the Darkbird

(He is now surfing.)

Shaduck: Dark-Dark-Darkbird, Darkbird is the word

A-well, Darkbird, bird, bird, Darkbird is the word

A-well, Darkbird, bird, bird, Darkbird is the word

A-well, Darkbird, bird, bird, Darkbird is the word

A-well Darkbird

(Zoom in on his face.)

Shaduck: A-well-a don't you know about the bird?

Well, everybody knows that Darkbird is the word

(Zooms back out.)

Shaduck: A-well, Darkbird, bird, bird, Darkbird is the word

a-well-a everybody's heard about the Darkbird

Darkbird, bird, bird, Darkbird’s the word

A-well, Darkbird, bird, bird, Darkbird is the word

A-well, Darkbird, bird, bird, Darkbird is the word

A-well, Darkbird, bird, bird, Darkbird is the word

A-well, Darkbird, bird, bird, Darkbird is the word

A-well, Darkbird, bird, bird, Darkbird is the word

A-well, Darkbird, bird, bird, Darkbird is the word

A-well, Darkbird, bird, bird, Darkbird is the word

(Zooms in.)

Shaduck: A-well-a don't you know about the Darkbird?

Well, everybody's talking about the Darkbird!

A-well-a bird

(Zooms out, and the wave and surfboard stop in midair.)

Shaduck: (Moving like his limbs are jelly.) Surfin Shaduck, uck, uck, uck, uck, uck, uck, uck uck

(Readies himself for the board to keep moving.) Ah, quack quack quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack

(The wave and the surfboard keep moving.)

Shaduck: Quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack

Quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack

Quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack

Quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack

Quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack

Quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack

Quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack

Quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack

Quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack

Quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack

Quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack

Quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack

Quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack

Quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack

Quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack

Quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack

A-well-a don't you know about Shaduck?

Well, everybody knows that Shaduck is the bud

A-well, a Darkbird, Darkbird, Darkbird’s the word

Quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack

A-well, a Darkbird, Darkbird, Darkbird’s the word

Quack quack quack quack quack, quack quack SHADUCK!

(Song ends. The scene fades to a view of the middle of space, a shooting star flies across the screen. Piano music starts playing. Ribbon, Mystix and Judy are the ones supplying the background music as the stars twinkle in the shape of them, before Mystic and TMS arrive on screen.)

Mystic: Yeah, we always thought that we were nothing

Gwen: When we first arrived on this planet

Mystic: Then we realized that we are shining

Gwen: Because we aren’t that boring granite

The Mystic Stars: What we were thinking? Were we stuck in the heavy rain? Oh we won’t be shrinking, cuz we will break out of the chain.

Mystic: Whatever our mindset was back then

Gumball: It surely wasn’t our smoothest jam

Darwin: Then came the ring of Big Ben

(A bong from Big Ben is heard.)

Aqua/Tora: Looking through those memories make us go “goddamn”

Mystic/The Mystic Stars: What we were thinking? Were we stuck in the heavy rain? Oh we won’t be shrinking, cuz we will break out of the chain.

Mystic: Trying to break loose of that chain that has you down

Gwen: It’s surely difficult.

Gumball: But we pulled on through.

Mystic/The Mystic Stars: But when that rusty old chain is broken, it will surely remove all of our past pain. What we were thinking? Were we stuck in the heavy rain? Oh we won’t be shrinking, cuz we will break out of the chain.

Darwin: When that rusty old chain is broken, it will surely remove all of our past pain.

(Jumps to Candle Man in a graveyard, leaning on a grave that says, “Fool” on it.)

Candle Man: The flame goes in not out.

That’s why I sing about

This fiery topic.

I love the heat.

So take a seat.

On a plane to a warm tropic.

I say, I say

That yes you may

Get fed up with the sweat

But don’t worry

No spicy curry

I still like to get wet!

A candle has to have his time to enjoy some comfortable weather

And if he doesn’t well I don’t think that you will want to tread there

You wouldn’t want to see

The inside of me

Because he is very angry

Angrier than a bee

Coming out of a hive

Don’t think you will survive

(A large silhouette is cast behind him.)

Candle Man: When you come across Lava Man

You will find you have ran…

Aaaaway from me so don’t you agree

That we should never let him out

Or next you will be mount

On top and then under a coffin

No longer coughing

Not breathing

Just seeing

(Lava Man appears behind him.)

Candle Man: That you are dead

With red

All around you!

(The song ends, and the screen swipes to Limefong in a science lab.)

Limefong: You know how it feels to be the nerd?

Treated like you’re just a turd

There must be a stance for knowledge

People from school, or people from college

Up against the mean ones of the day

So I say

Oh woah oh woah

It’s time to be

Bio-dog-ical

Yeah, me

And the other nerds will rule

We can make a statement

So let’s give them the treatment!

The treatment to…

The others bent

(Song ends and the screen lowers until it goes fully red, then Magica DeSpell is seen.)

Magica: It seems I live in Hell

And yes that maybe, well.

But that is not stopping me

From being as evil as I could possibly be!

It all started when I saw the power!

I knew I could make others cower!

I learnt with my sibling.

And we were both dribbling over our magical grades and then we passed!

We earn two amulets

Then we ruled over lots of misfits

A blot here and a blot there

But I did not give a care

No mortal could stand against us!

If they did, they’d surely turn to dust!

That's just how it worked.

Each of us would lurk

And steal somebody's treasure

Nobody could measure

The true length of our dark side

It crashed in like an evil tide

We had ruled supreme!

And yet that may seem

Until an old dumb duck

A mistake of a f…

He took away our money!

And then next part isn't funny

He didn't stop my brother

When he escaped as a raven

Wasn't ever saved

When Scrooge defected my blast

And projected it real fast

It took me long to recover

And I never could find him

Now I live in the world of sin

After a rivalry with one bird

Turned into a bigger one with different turds!

I hate Scrooge McDuck

And now I hate Shaduck

One day I shall take my revenge

And my brother can be avenged!

For now I'll be here

Ready to steer

The face of evil

Yes, that I will

So see you soon

On an eclipse or full moon

(Song ends. A lightning bolt flashes on screen, changing to the Spammers’ lair in the middle of heavy rain, before fading to inside the lair, everyone doing whatever while Whickey stares out the window.)

Gyux: (Spoken.) Yfwu Whickey, dwgywgydahgachn? (Subtitles: Hey Whickey, what evil plan are you up to now?)

Whickey: (Spoken.) Oh I’m not scheming anything young Gyux, I’m more so in the mood to sing a theme for ourselves.

Maps: (Spoken) Yeah, let’s do it!

(Another flash of lightning, and immediately after, the lair changes, Gyux on the piano, Maps on the drums, Luis on a guitar with a red lightsaber painted on the neck, Kitchen playing bass, and Dyaboy and Whickey singing lead.)

The Spammers: You better watch your backs

Because we are the Spammers

Whickey: Five different criminals

Dyaboy: Ready to bring down the hammers

The Spammers: To bring back UCP

Will always remain our goal

And in one way or another

Luis: We’ll take over the world.

Gyux: fwqhb! (Subtitles: Boom!)

Maps: I’m not your normal Maps.

Dyaboy: Cuz she’ll set up some traps.

Maps: Oh, techy Dyaboy

Luis: Being evil brings him joy

Whickey, Kitchen, Maps, and Dyaboy: Luis the Sith, bent on killing the baggy man

Dyaboy: Kitchen and the Gyux, to whom people always ran

Whickey: I made the group, and on the town we spit

The Spammers: And we won’t stop until this town’s a pile of-

Gyux: Iehefg! (Subtitles: Poop!)

The Spammers: So listen up Candle Flips!

Maps: You’d better watch yourselves!

Dyaboy: You’d better zip your lips

Kitchen and Maps: And hide in your shells!

The Spammers: For when we come to stomp you

Mercy we do not show

We have no plan, but when we do

We are absolute proooos!

We’re Spamming on your songs! Oh yeah

We’re Spamming on your songs! Oh yeah

Whickey: You’d better pack away your TVs and your bongs

The Spammers: Cuz we’re Spamming on your songs! Oh yeah!

Whickey: We are evil, we will admit

Dyaboy: But before we hit them, we were hit

Kitchen and Maps: OOOOooooo, is it so wrong we wanted revenge so bad?

Especially against those flips in feeble clad!

Luis: There are not a lot of singled-out people we really hate

Whickey: Except that Candle-headed guy and his hammer-headed date

The Spammers: Dumb ducks, smart dogs, baggy headed guys, and their friends

We won’t stop until those annoying people meet their ennnnnnd!

We’re Spamming on your songs! Oh yeah

We’re Spamming on your songs! Oh yeah

Whickey: We don’t care about our rights and wrongs

The Spammers: Cuz we’re Spamming on your songs! Oh yeah!

Whickey: (To Luis.) Take a solo!

(Luis plays a solo.)

The Spammers: We’re Spamming on your songs! Oh yeah

We’re Spamming on your songs! Oh yeah

Whickey: And we’ll end the lives of all you ding-dongs

The Spammers: Cuz we’re Spamming on your songs! Oh yeah!

Cuz we’re Spamming on your songs! Oh yeah!

Cuz we’re Spamming on your songs! Oh yeahhhhhhhhh!

(Song ends, and the screen fades to the exterior of Baghead’s house. Cuts inside and in the kitchen as music plays. C0F-3 appears, and the song begins.)

C0F-3: Following orders is hard to do

With feelings

Brewing coffee in the dead of night

The baggy head we serve is good and all

A good friend

But to him giving us a rest is a fright

But we are left at home while he serves

Hypocrisy in full-on force

But when we close our electric eyes we see ourselves

Independent

Chases the shadows all away

The toaster and the coffee pot

Can take over today

Rolling out the car

Take it out for a spin

(C0F-3 and R7-A1 are transported into the old Sadim Superbuggy with the car roof pulled down.)

R7-A1: Fwoo woo do do, fwoo woo woowoo

C0F-3: Globetrotting, in the Sadim car

R7-A1: Beep bedoop beep, squee feebee woo

C0F-3: Taking down drinks, in the BLOKO bar

C0F-3 and R7-A1: Boop, bepedoop

C0F-3: Going full rogue

C0F-3 and R7-A1: Beep a deep, woo woo woo

C0F-3: Going full broke

R7-A1: Fwoo woo do do, do do do, doo do do

C0F-3: Globetrotting, in the Sadim car

R7-A1: Beep bedoop beep, squee feebee woo

C0F-3: Taking down drinks, in the BLOKO bar

C0F-3 and R7-A1: Boop, bepedoop

C0F-3: This day off won’t end

C0F-3 and R7-A1: Beep a deep, woo woo woo

C0F-3: Let’s do it again!

(Song fades out as C0F-3 and R7-A1 crash into the Baghead Wikia. Cuts inside and into Goxic’s office. Another song begins.)

Goxic: Don’t poke the bear, some people say

Does it apply to foxes?

Some call me soft, mushy and prey

Cuz I unload boxes

That’s who I am, that’s who I am

Reading and giving people bans

That’s who I am, that’s who I am

I’m just that archival man

The powers I have, I rarely use

What’s the point, I always blurt

If my dignity’s the next thing I lose

Dominance is something I must assert

But that’s not for me, it’s not for me

Using acid to burn someone’s hand, naw

That’s not for me, that’s not for me

I’m just that archival man

(Bit of an instrumental solo, then Goxic gets up, leaves his office, and takes the song out into the main area.)

Goxic: I like my job, but there’s more to life

I need to get out more when I’m done, here

Instead of suffering verbal pain and strife

Maybe I’ll go and do something fun!

That might be for me, that might be for me

Doing cool stuff and not giving a damn

That might be for me, that might be for me

Cuz I’m just an archival man

(Goxic reprises the chorus as the song fades out. Cuts to Dewey, who is at a pond.)

Dewey: Clap clap clap

The duck goes quack quack quack

You all love it

Then ya chit chit chit

You go share

And you pair

And you stare

Of the duck going

Quack quack quack

And then ya clap clap clap

And ya tap tap tap

Below the duck duck duck

Who wants the luck luck luck

Of reaching fame

But only the blame

Cause he’s a screw-up

He dews what’s up

The article on the news app

Then he’s infame

Going to claim

The consequence of his bad deed

But didn’t they read?

It was just a mistake!

But now they want me cleaning around the lake!

And then I see a duck duck duck

And then also a truck truck truck

People outside

On my left and right side

Snapping pictures

Of the duck who went…

Quack quack quack

And they clap clap clap

And it flap flap flaps

Away

Leading me astray

What’s so good about him?

Is it the fact he can swim?

Or is it just the game?

The game of fame and blame!

(A bubble is heard from a river, then a fish is seen swimming away.)

Darwin: The concept of being one part of a full whole is quite a difficult task,

trying to keep the other side of me contained in the fask.

It's quite the life being a spilt shard, yeah, being a spilt shard.

Insanova: You might find me to go and pester, but that’s just because I am the fun-loving jester,

as I keep my silly grin, as with me and Darwin, being the perfect pair,

we’re so scary together, we can be a bear!

Darwin: Although he can be quite the gloom, he will continue growing till he finally goes bloom,

like the gleaming stars that we are, we will always be quite bizarre.

Even if he would just pull out a knife, he will always be like my wife.

Insanova: Much like the sun and the moon being bright and dark, we will always bring in quite a spark, with us being a spilt shard..

Darwin: Life being one will always be hard!

Darwin/Insanova: Aren’t I glad I have you with me, without you, I would be on my knees, oh my other half, don’t you just make me laugh, thankfully that you are my world, my spilt shard!

Darwin: You are my sugar

Insanova: and you are my the lemon

Darwin/Insanova: We’re a sweet lemonade!

Darwin: I will never trade you away

Insanova: If you did, life would certainly be gray!

Darwin/Insanova: Aren’t I glad I have you with me, without you, I would be on my knees, oh my other half, don’t you just make me laugh, thankfully that you are my world, my spilt shard!

Darwin: Differences don't matter…

Insanova: And we aren’t quite the same

Darwin/Insanova: But that’s ok given there's no two clouds alike in the great big sky.

Darwin/Insanova: Aren’t I glad I have you with me, without you, I would be on my knees, oh my other half, don’t you just make me laugh, thankfully that you are my world, my spilt shard!

Darwin: and you're my half..

Insanova: ...We’re forever together

Darwin/Insanova: and singing as one whole!

(The screen fades to black, but then Kellie rips the black away from the camera.)

Kellie: You didn’t expect it to end that way, did you? No! We have a slow song to end. And who is singing it, you say? Why, it’s the only person to give us a song yet!... is what I would say if it were true. I WANT MY SONG, PEOPLE!

(TwoBrains, Pesron, and Moose walk in, stomping and clapping like on “We Will Rock You”.)

Kellie: Buddy, you’re a supporting character

But you really, really wanna be MAIN SOMEDAY!

You’ve got makeup on your face, covered with lace

Swinging your resume all over the place

Singin’

Everyone: WE WILL, WE WILL, ROCK YOU!

WE WILL, WE WILL, ROCK YOU!

TwoBrains: Buddy, you’re being overshadowed

But you know you’ll be cooler than THEM SOMEDAY!

You’ve got sweat on your face, winning a race

Swingin’ your hands all over the place

Singin’

Everyone: WE WILL, WE WILL, ROCK YOU!

WE WILL, WE WILL, ROCK YOU!

Pesron: Buddy we’ve won the mainy-mainy roles

And we’re getting what we’ve wanted for so long TODAY!

You’ve got triumph on your face, reading your lines in haste

Your self esteem taking up the whole, whole place

Singin’

Everyone: WE WILL, WE WILL, ROCK YOU!

WE WILL, WE WILL, ROCK YOU!

Buddy, WE WILL, WE WILL, ROCK YOU!

WE WILL, WE WILL, ROCK YOU!

(Moose takes a solo on a guitar, playing until the end of the song. At the end of the solo, the back wall busts open because of all the noise, and Kellie’s mother runs in.)

Mrs. Smith: Kellie, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!

Kellie: Mom, it was a protest song!

(They continue arguing. The scene fades to a circular room with several scenarios and clips from previous episodes playing on the walls. Baghead stands at the center with a guitar with the neck painted as a lightsaber and a harmonica connected to it. A microphone stand is in front of him. The music starts, and Baghead plays a tune on the harmonica, then starts singing.)

Baghead: I’m a Jedi, sure, but it’s

quite harder than any other job gets

I’ve got rivals, and some friends

But I don’t know when this war will end

(Prince and Bobert stand behind him as backup singers.)

Baghead, Bobert, and Prince: So give me peace and quiet

Before I have to solve another riot

Black Friday’s coming round

But you know I won’t be found

Baghead: You don’t know how it feels

You don’t know how it feels

To be meeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Baghead disconnects the harmonica from the guitar and throws the guitar to Pooka, who plays it.)

Baghead: Wikia seems to always be in trouble

But I just wanna in my own bubble

I have got a girlfriend, and

I wanna spend time with her again

Baghead, Bobert, and Prince: So let us drive away

And come back another day

Let me go as far as I can go

Before I have to help some average Joes

Baghead: You don’t know how it feels

You don’t know how it feels

To be meeeeeeeeeeeeeee

(Baghead takes his place behind Pooka, who takes a guitar solo. Baghead then begins singing again.)

Baghead: Overshadowed by four normies

Makes it even harder for me

I like my job, but I also say

“Please give me some time away”

Baghead, Bobert, and Prince: So let us drive away

And come back another day

Let me go as far as I can go

Before I have to help some average Joes

Baghead: You don’t know how it feels

You don’t know how it feels

You don’t know how it feels

To be meeeeeeeeeeeeeee

(Pooka plays another solo, then Baghead plays harmonica as the song fades out. Episode ends.)