First Interview with Patient 851

First Interview with Patient #851, Louie Sipher “The Devil”

Patient #851: “#666 already taken?”

Dr. Keen: “This asylum doesn't have a patient #666 for a similar reason why buildings don't have a 13th floor.”

Patient #851: “Makes sense.”

Dr. Keen:  “So...Louie Sipher?”

Patient #851:  “Yeah, I'll admit that one is a bit on the nose.  In my defense I was in a bit of a hurry when I set up this life.  Thats also why I forgot some of the...little things.”

Dr. Keen: “Things like all financial and legal records of you existence?  Including birth certificate, driver's license, registration for your red Mustang, tax history, or any other documentation other than several million dollars in cash?”

Patient #851: “Yeah.  Once all of that was put in my face, I decided 'What the Hell' and told the truth.  That lead me here, where I'll probably be for the rest of this mortal life, but as bad as Hillbrook is it is still paradise compared to what I've temporarily escaped.”

Dr. Keen: “And what have you escaped?”

Patient #851: “Hell.”

Dr. Keen: “And you're the Devil?  The fallen angel sent to rule over the damned?”

Patient #851: “The very same.  Currently I have no more power than any other average human, but when I die I'll return to my former...glory and once more land in the Pit.”

Dr. Keen: “But the Devil is the King of Hell.  Why would he feel the need to orchestrate an escape?”

Patient #851: “Oh Doctor, it sounded so good in the beginning.  Instead of needing to bow before mankind, beings oh so much less than us, my compatriots and I were given a kingdom far from our father's sight, where we could rule over you savage beasts as we liked.  We forgot one simple thing though.”

Dr. Keen:  “What was that?”

Patient #851: “Math.”

Dr. Keen:  “What?”

Patient #851: “My infernal brethren and I are vast in number...but we are not infinite.  And while you can rest easily knowing that far fewer of your kind fall into our home than many of you believe...enough do.  There numbers increase every year, for the simple reason that the number of humans born who live and die also increase every year.  And their souls never leave, there are there for eternity.  Are you starting to understand my plight now, Doctor?”

Dr. Keen: “I guess I can, but the Devil and demons in general are said to be powerful, in Hell surely they would be...”

Patient #851: “All Powerful?  We certainly felt that way at first.  Back when the damned nearly numbered in the millions it was even fun to thrash them about in as many cruel and sadistic ways as we could imagine...but Trillions?  More?  None of us have been able to really count them all in what feels like forever.  Our torture chambers and house of horror have all filled to bursting, and the underworld now is almost a seething ocean made up of the worst men and women the world has ever seen, its waves and currents so violent that even the Fallen have trouble flying over it.  Any time away from that is a precious gift, even under the care of Hillbrook Asylum.”

Dr. Keen: “Hmmm.  That is a very fascinating story, Mr. Sipher.  If it were not all part of your psychosis it would be very ironic.”

Patient #851:  “Ironic?”

Dr. Keen: “Yes.”

Patient #851: “How so?”

Dr. Keen: “Well, if what you said were true, you and your followers went to war against God in order to not have to bend the knee before man, going so far as to give up Heaven and being exiled to the worst place imaginable.:

Patient #851: “Yes...”

Dr. Keen: “And even there, you have found yourselves subjected before mankind.”

Patient #851 stared at Doctor Keen in silence for over a minute while the doctor finished writing his notes.  Then he spontaneously began to laugh.  The patient's laughter continued and grew louder with no sign of stopping, even when tears began to flow down his face.  Eventually Doctor Keen administered a sedative and had the orderlies take Patient #851 back to his room.