Cinder Invites Salem on Steamed Hams

**Cinder Invites Salem on Steamed Hams** is the eighth side-story of RU🅱️Y.

## Summary

Prior to leave the academy with her henchmen, Cinder invites Salem to have an unforgettable luncheon, but will Cinder be able to outsmart her boss?

## Plot

Cinder Fall has invited Salem to Beacon for an unforgettable luncheon as a meaning of their victory, but her roast is ruined and so she resorts to ordering fast food from McDonalds and disguising it as her own cooking (which she calls "steamed hams"). While trying to come up with fake explanations to cover up her lie, Cinder forgets to turn off the oven and sets Beacon on fire. When Salem notices, Cinder passes it off as aurora borealis and rushes her out. Salem states that although Cinder is an odd henchwoman, she steamed a good ham. While Mercury (offscreen) calls for help, the screen changes to Cinder smugly smiling in front of what it seems to be Mercury's tombstone.

## Transcript

*Outside of Beacon Academy, Salem rings the bell, Cinder then goes to open the door.*

**Salem**: Well, Cinder, i made it, despite your directions.

**Cinder**: Ah, Lord Salem, welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!

**Salem**:  Meh.

*Once Cinder gets in the kitchen, she notices smoke coming out of the oven.*

**Cinder**: (In complete shock) ***WHAT?!***

*Cinder runs to the oven, only to find her roast is burnt.*

**Cinder**: Oh, egads! My roast is ruined! Salem is going to kill me!

*Cinder turns around and goes to the window.*

**Cinder**: But what if... i were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Oh-hohohohoho! Delightfully devilish, Cinder.

*She removes her apron and begins to climb through the window, but Salem, watching through a Seer, enters the kitchen.*

**Salem**: Ah!?

*The screen shows Salem's furious eyes, then the theme song to an imaginary show called "Cinder and Salem" then plays, Team RWBY sings it.*

**Salem**: (furiously) CIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNDEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRR!!!

**Cinder**: Lord Salem! I was just- uh... Stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise! Care to join me?

**Salem**: Why is there smoke coming out of the oven, Cinder?

**Cinder**: Uh- Oh. That isn't smoke. It's steam! Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmmm, steamed clams!

*Salem looks at Cinder with suspicious eyes, then the Seer leaves the kitchen, Cinder breathes a sigh of relief, breaks the window, and runs across the street to McDonalds, where she breaks in and steals hamburgers and french fries to replace her burnt roast. She enters the dining room with the fast food.*

**Cinder**: Lady Salem, i hope you're ready for some mouthwatering hamburgers.

**Salem**: I thought we were having steamed clams.

**Cinder**: No, no, i said "Steamed Hams". That's what I call hamburgers.

**Salem**: You call hamburgers "Steamed Hams"?

**Cinder**: Yes! It's a dialect from one of the four kingdoms.

**Salem**: Uh-huh. Uh, which one?

**Cinder**: Uh, the kingdom of Atlas.

**Salem**: Really. Well, i have many millenia knowing Remnant and this whole Memeverse, and i've never heard anyone use the phrase "Steamed Hams".

**Cinder**: Oh, not in Atlas, no. It's a Vacuo expression.

**Salem**: Icee.

*Salem takes a bite out of a burger and chews it a little, while Cinder sips her drink.*

**Salem**: You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at McDonals.

**Cinder**: Oh-hohoho, no! Patented Cinder Burgers. Old family recipe!

*Salem stays silent a few seconds.*

**Salem**: ...for "Steamed Hams"...?

**Cinder**: Yes.

**Salem**: Yeah, and you call them "Steamed Hams", despite the fact they are obviously grilled.

**Cinder**: Ye- You know, the- One thing I should- Excuse me for one second.

**Salem**: (O-S) Of course.

*Salem takes another bite of the hamburger as Cinder returns.*

**Cinder**: \*Yawns\* Oh well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped.

**Salem**: Yes, i should be- Good Lord! What is happening in there!?

**Cinder**: Aurora Borealis?

**Salem**: Uh- Aurora Borealis? At this time of year!? At this time of day!? In this part of the country!? Localized entirely within your kitchen!

**Cinder**: Yes.

**Salem**: ...may i see it?

*Cinder thinks for a few seconds.*

**Cinder**: ...No.

*They exit the academy as the kitchen fire grows larger.*

**Mercury**: OH MY GOD CINDER! THE ACADEMY IS ON FIRE!!!

**Cinder**: No, Mercury, it's just the northern lights.

**Salem**: Well, Cinder, you are an odd henchwoman, but i must say... you steam a good ham.

*As Salem begins heading home, Mercury screams for help, causing Salem to look back towards Cinder. Cinder gives her a fake smile, causing her to keep walking away. Once Salem is out of sight, Cinder stays there, leaving both Emerald and Mercury to deal with the fire all by themselves.*

**Mercury**: HEEELP! *HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!!!*

*The scene cuts to Cinder giving thumbs up to the viewers with an smug face in front of a cemetery, where Mercury and Emerald's corpses are buried.*

## Characters

* Cinder Fall
* Salem
* Ruby Rose (voice)
* Weiss Schnee (voice)
* Blake Belladonna (voice)
* Yang Xiao Long (voice)
* Mercury Black (voice, dies)

## Image Gallery

Main article: Cinder Invites Salem on Steamed Hams/Image Gallery