Ms. Ipock Goes to College/Transcript

## Intro

(The Universal Pictures, 20th Century Fox, Regency Enterprises, NBC Films, and Village Roadshow logo are shown)

(The movie opens up to the sky. After a moment, the camera pans down to Wesley Chapel in Florida. Next, the camera zooms into the exterior of a beautiful blue house, and in through the window to 41-year-old Erin Ipock's room, where she is sitting on her bed with her cat Bailey. Mister Roger's Neighborhood can be seen on her TV screen.)

Ipock (wearing a KC Chiefs spirit shirt, blue pants, and white shoes): Oh yes. This is it. The greatest day ever. I've finally got out of Wiregrass as an assistant principal, which means...

(She turns to an ABC Action News newscast at 6)

Ipock: I GET TO WATCH TV AND DO WHATEVER I WANT FOR INFINITYYYY!!!!

(Suddenly, her phone rings. It's principal Nena Green! NOTE: Her ringtone is the iPhone Opening.)

Ipock: Oh, that must be Ms. Green. (answers phone) Hello?

Green: Hi. How are you?

Ipock: Good.

Green: Alright, so I need to discuss some things with you.

Ipock: Things? What things?

Green: I'm gonna be talking about your future now that you've stopped being an assistant principal at Wiregrass.

Ipock: Um, good?

(Ipock hangs up and mumbles to himself as she walks out of her room. We cut to an image of the exterior of a college building. The text Ms. Ipock Goes to College appears underneath the building.)

## The Future

(Ipock goes to the living room and sees McKenzie in the living room. She sits down with her.)

Ipock: Make things quick! The sooner we get done talking, the sooner I can do anything!

McKenzie: Life is about doing anything, mom! Speaking of which, we need to talk about what you're gonna do now that you've left Wiregrass. And about time too. I already lost count on how many minutes you've worked here.

Ipock: There was a lot of classwork to do, though. And last year was especially rough because of everything that went down. People still keep on joking about how Mr. Williams farted on Mr. Hamlin because it was his "friend"...or something like that.

McKenzie (shudders): Please, please, please mom, don't mention that name again...

Ipock: Who? Uh...Robert La Follette? The guy who became Senator?

McKenzie (Getting annoyed in an yelling voice): TIMOTHY HAMLIN!

Ipock: Calm down, McKenzie. I hope he's in Wiregrass along with Ms. Aponte. At least he just what he needed. (notices she gets a call from Ms. Green, again. She answers it.) Hello?

Green: Hi. Uh, let me tell you this right now. Which college do you want to attend?

Ipock: College? What's that?

Green: Well, it's a school---

Ipock: Nope!

(She turns to leave, while putting her phone down.)

Green: ERIN, DON'T GO!!

Ipock: NO! I WILL NOT GO BACK TO SCHOOL!

Green and McKenzie (in unison): But you'll make money!

(Ipock stops and goes back to the living room.)

Ipock: Really?

Green: Yeah! If you graduate college, then you'll apply for a job that can make you a lot more money than those jobs at Pasco County Schools.

McKenzie: Actually mom, Pasco County Schools is a good starter job, and you become a superintendent!

Ipock: You don't have to do this as a superintendent, Kenz.

McKenzie: Yeah, they do!

Ipock: No, they don't!

Green: Well come on! Sit back down so we can look at some Division I, II, and III colleges you wanna apply to!

(Ipock sits back down, albeit reluctanly.)

Green: Now come on, Erin, let's get started.

## Picking a College

(The scene cuts to the two in the office, where Ipock is searching up some colleges.)

Green: Erin, I think you should apply to a college more challenging than a community college, like Harvard or Yale.

Ipock: Not interested in these two, actually.

McKenzie: I agree with you. I doubt she'd make it past the first lecture.

Green: Well, I thought setting your standards would be good!

Ipock: But I take hard classes, especially math class. They were the worst when I was in 2nd grade.

Green: You think math is gonna be easier in college?

Ipock: Yes. Wait, what's this?

(Ipock clicks on one website on Google, which directs her to a site called West Florida University)

Ipock: West Florida University? Let me read this bio.

(She goes to the About section)

Ipock (reading): West Florida University is an excellent college based in Pensacola, Florida, which is just a 15 minute from Fort Barrancas. We have a huge campus that has classes of all kinds, and we cater to even our least bright scholars. We're also home to the West Florida Argonauts, who are dominating in the state's college sports! Whether you want to be a sociologist or a doctor, there's always a place for you at West Florida!

Green: Hmmm...this college sounds good. And McKenzie, about studying there if you were in this place, what would it like?

McKenzie: It might be great. The professors would be great at helping me get my degree, and I would get to make so many new friends there. Some of which I'm still in close contact with.

Ipock: Yeah, and I know that Wesley Chapel is far from Fort Barrancas, so we can visit each other any time we want!

Green: So are you going to apply to this college?

Ipock: Yeah. Now how do I submit an application?

## Apply, Apply, Apply!

(The scene cuts to a montage of Ipock filling out her application. While this is going on, Buddy Holly by Weezer plays in the background. The song fades out as Ipock submits her application.)

Ipock: Finally, I got it in!

McKenzie: I just hope it pays off, especially after all of that!

Green: She was starting it all!

Ipock: You were fighting too, Neenville!

Green: Well Erin, do you want to submit your application to multiple colleges?

Ipock: No, I'm good. (Turns off her computer.)

McKenzie (talking to Michael, Erin's husband): Sooo, you think Mom will graduate college?

Michael: Do you need to ask? She barely passed high school when she was 18! I don't wanna imagine her going to college. Heck, I'd be surprised if she makes it through the first semester!

McKenzie: Dad, why aren't you so confident about Mom's schooling skills?

Michael: Uhhh...I'm not sure.

McKenzie: Well, I have a feeling that Mom's gonna like this college. If she goes there, she'll probably be too focused on her college buddies!

Michael: I'm not sure about that, but we'll see...

## Acceptance

(It is the next day. Ipock, McKenzie, Michael, and Melissa from Wiregrass Elementary: Holiday Resort (who came to visit), are in the living room.)

Melissa: Can't believe you found a good college, Danae!

Ipock (wearing a gray shirt, black pants, and Crocs): Yep. It's West Florida University!

Michael: Good!

McKenzie: So why are you here Melissa?

Melissa: I'm here because I got a cool movie that we can watch.

Ipock: And what is it? Tell me! Tell me!

Melissa: It's called Milk and Money, and it stars Robert Petkoff and Olympia Dukakis.

Ipock: Never heard of these three before.

Melissa: Do you know any movies starring Robert Petkoff?

Ipock: He starred in Game Day, he made an appearance on the CBS 4 Morning News, and he even appeared on Law & Order and SVU!

Michael: You don't know if he starred in Milk and Money unless you watch it.

Melissa: Yeah. Give it a chance.

Ipock: You got it. (Turns on the DVD player, and puts the Milk and Money DVD in the player) Oh boy, you're in for a treat!

(Suddenly, a knock on the door is heard.)

McKenzie: Who could that be?

(McKenzie opens the door, and sees an envelope.)

McKenzie: It's from West Florida University.

Ipock (surprised): Could it be....

(Ipock snatches the envelope evilly and sees an envelope while chuckling evilly.)

Ipock (reading): Congratulations, Erin! After reviewing your application, we've decided to accept you into West Florida University!

Melissa (talking to Michael): Erin got accepted?

Ipock (shrieks in excitement): YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M GOING TO WEST FLORIDA UNIVERSITY!!!!

McKenzie: OH MY GOSH! MY MOM IS FINALLY GOING TO COLLEGE!

(Ipock and McKenzie hug each other in celebration.)

Michael: Wow. My wife's finally gone to college. It's a miracle.

(Ipock proceeds to run to her room and pack her suitcase and then rushes out the door to go outside in her car for college. She grabs her backpack and puts it in the back of her car, then puts her sunglasses on. She gets in her car and drives off while waving at her family.)

Ipock: BYE MICHAEL! BYE MCKENZIE! BYE MELISSA! SEE YOU THIS WEEKEND! HA HAAA!

Michael (near to tears): Goodbye wife. Oh, she's all grown up. I'm so glad that she's doing this.

Melissa: Bye Danae!

McKenzie: Bye mom!

(Melissa gives Michael a dirty look.)

Melissa: Michael, don't try to ruin it for her, okay? She'll learn and have fun at college. She'll do great and she'll have a good time, so please be happy for her. I'm glad she's doing something very inventive.

Michael (scoffs): Yeah, right.

(We cut to the I-4 highway, where Ipock is driving to the campus. A montage of her driving (including stopping at a toll road to get a ticket) is shown while I'm On My Way by The Proclaimers plays. These scenes include Bruce B. Downs Blvd, I-75, County Road 470 in Sumter County, Florida Ave in Astatula, Exit 328 at I-75 in Florida, some houses, and finally a beach.)

(Ipock gets out of the car while wearing a backpack.)

Ipock: Oh my god. This is the best day ever. I don't even know what to study for my major. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MORNING, COLLEGE!!!

(The montage continues for a few more minutes until the song eventually fades out as Ipock finally reaches the college.)

## Welcome to West Florida

(Ipock runs to the Dean's office.)

Ipock: Hello, I'm Erin Danae Ipock, and I got a letter saying that I got accepted, and I'm here to get a dorm room for myself and sign up for some classes.

Dean of West Florida University: Hello, Erin Ipock, I'm Dr. William Crawley, the dean of West Florida, and I will be helping you with the admission process.

(The scene then cuts to a montage of Ipock getting her dorm room, taking a tour of the campus, seeing the college's sports teams, and meeting some professors. While this is going on, Ten Seconds to Love by Motley Crue is playing in the background. The song eventually fades out as Ipock is back in the dean's office.)

Dr. Crawley: So, Erin, have you decided on your major?

Ipock: Well, I already got some classes signed up, but I'm not sure about having them as my major...

Dr. Crawley: Well, didn't you say you became an assistant principal here at Wiregrass?

Ipock: Yeah. What about it?

Dr. Crawley: I think you can become a video game designer. And an US government and politics student.

Ipock: These two of them?! You can make a living making video games and standing up for what's right in politics?!

Dr. Crawley: Yep! You seem to have a creative mind, and if you let your potential shine, you can make some really cool games and a TV show about politicians.

Ipock: YES! I'LL SIGN UP!

(Ipock fills out the paperwork to get signed up for Video Game Design and US Government and Politics class.)

Dr. Crawley: Congratulations, Erin! You have Video Game Design and US Government and Politics class!

Ipock: YES!!!

Dr. Crawley: Well, since class doesn't start in two days, you can spend the rest of this day as well as tomorrow to get your dorm set up and get to know the college a bit.

Ipock (shaking hands): Thank you so much! My family will love this!

(Ipock runs out of the office in excitement. As she walks to her dorm, the mascot suit for West Florida's sports team, the Argonauts, walks up. It is an argonaut mascot with a blue argonaut head with a green mohawk hair, an blue tank top-like shirt saying UWF, and an belt saying Argos, and sports two tin plate like things on his shoulders and shoes.)

Ipock (reading the name tag): Argie the Argonaut...clever name!

(The mascot gives Ipock a thumbs up as she walks away.)

## Unpacking

(It is the next day. Ipock, McKenzie, and Strigler are seen getting the dorm room setup.)

Strigler: Why did you choose to do US Government and Politics and Video Game Design as your majors?

Ipock (wearing the same clothes from the previous scene): Is that a trick question? I like these.

McKenzie: Why can't you be a doctor or lawyer? Those jobs pay good money!

Ipock: No, McKenzison, I want to create my own video games.

Michael: Yeah, Kenz. Please support your mother.

McKenzie: Alright. Fine.

Michael: Well, do you know a part-time job you can take while in college?

Ipock (laughing): A job?

McKenzie: Yeah. You think this college stuff is gonna be free? You gotta pay for the courses, as well as your dorm room and other stuff.

Strigler: Do you have any scholarships you can use?

Ipock: No, I don't have any scholarships. I probably should've studied a bit harder or something.

McKenzie: You think, Mom?

Ipock (realizing something): But wait! What about Wiregrass? I can use some of the revenue there to pay it off.

Strigler: Yeah, but the problem is that we're not making a lot of money like we used to, and I don't think Wiregrass income alone is gonna pay it all off.

Michael: What she said. It's better if you find a part-time job.

Ipock: Okay then.

McKenzie: And when are you gonna start taking the courses?

Ipock: Tomorrow. I'm gonna use this day to get the dorm room ready as well as explore the campus.

Strigler: Okay. What's next?

Ipock: I'm gonna make new friends, and...possibly...get a boy.

Strigler (gasping): Really?!

Ipock: Mmhmm.

Strigler: Okay.

McKenzie (scoffs): I wish.

Ipock: Kenz, come on! Don't be rude.

McKenzie: Well, I'm not sure if any boy is going to date Mom, especially if they know who she is.

Ipock: I'm sure I can find a boy that will like me for who I really am!

Michael: We'll see...

(The scene cuts to hours later, where Ipock's dorm room is set up. The family is waving her goodbye.)

Michael: Bye Erin! Have fun at college tomorrow!

Strigler: Yeah! And please do well if you don't want to waste even more already!

Ipock: Oh, I won't!

(The three get in their car and drive off.)

Ipock: Oh, boy, tomorrow is the big day. Better spend it on my phone.

(Ipock gets on her phone, only to find that there's no Wi-fi.)

Ipock: Shoot. Better connect!

(Ipock goes to Settings, goes to Wi-fi, and when she chooses the Wi-fi, she gets the message saying "To use this internet connection, you must pay $29.99 per month.)

Ipock: Why do I get this feeling that I'm going to have to pay for a bunch of stuff during my college days?

## First Day of College

(It is the next day. Ipock wakes up to find it is 7 AM.)

Ipock: It's 7 in the morning! I better get going to class.

(Ipock gets out of bed, goes to the bathroom, brushes her teeth, goes back to her dorm, puts her yellow dress with blue flowers on it on, and flip flops, proceeds to run out of her dorm room, and gets to the main campus. When she arrives, a man in a black shirt and yellow necktie enters.)

Man: Hello Erin. My name is Professor Michael Dalton, and I will be teaching Video Game Design. Please take your seat and wait while the others take a seat. We'll begin soon.

Ipock: Okay.

(Ipock takes a seat. A few minutes later, there are about 50 students in the class. Professor Dalton begins the class.)

Professor Dalton: Hello, class! My name is Professor Michael Dalton, and I will be teaching Video Game Design. Does anyone have any questions for me before we begin?

(A boy raises his hand.)

Professor Dalton: Yes?

Boy: Hey, my name is Ivan Wexford, and I am the Argie the Argonaut mascot.

Ipock: So that was the guy in the mascot I saw the other day...

Ivan: Now, I'm not really interested in video games to begin with, so-

Ipock (interrupting Ivan): Then why are you even here?

Ivan (sternly to Ipock): First of all, don't interrupt me. (Back to normal voice) Anyway, I'm only taking this class as a backup in case my sports career doesn't work out, as well as to show my coach that I'm being productive out of the field. One day, I will be the quarterback and be the best!

Professor Dalton (taken aback): Well okay. That was quite an introduction. Anybody else?

(No one raises their hand.)

Professor Dalton: Alrighty then. I guess we'll begin our first lesson.

## Ivan the Bully

(We cut to noon, where Ipock is in another building. She just got done taking College Science, and is now heading back to her dormroom since she doesn't have anymore classes to attend.)

Ipock: Great! I can't believe I have to take College Science! What's the point of taking that when programming games only requires knowledge in basic Science? And tomorrow, I have a social studies class to take that is mandatory by the college, which is even worse!

(Caught by surprise, Ipock trips and falls. She looks up to find out that Ivan did it.)

Ivan (picking up her notebook): Hey, you dropped something, idiot!

Ipock (getting up): Nice one! Now can you give that back? That has all of the notes I take for College Science!

Ivan: Nope! You made the dumb decision to **RUDELY** interrupt me during my speech, so now I shall take your notebook!

(Ivan giggles as he runs off.)

Ipock: WHAT?!?! NO!!!! ***GIVE IT BACK, YOU DUMBASS PUSSY!!!***

(Ipock begins to chase Ivan as the song Through the Fire and Flames by DragonForce begins to play. During this montage, Ipock chases Ivan throughout the campus as they bump into various students and professors. Ivan also throws a bunch of objects at Ipock in an attempt to slow her down. The song fades out as Ivan is cornered into a wall.)

Ipock: Give it up, Ivan! You made me chase you through this entire campus over a notebook!

Ivan (pulls out a lighter and lights it): You better not get any closer, or else I will set your fucking notebook on fire!

Ipock: NO!!! DON'T!!!!!

Boy's voice: HEY!!! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!

UNDER CONSTRUCTION! WILL FINISH SOON!