Tanner (Christmas Remastered)

*"Ugh, Tanner is gonna get run over, uh oh! AS IF! HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!? WHY DON'T I JUST LOOK BOTH WAYS!? WOAH! THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!"*
―Tanner to Knollad[src]
**Tanner** was a member of *The Incredible Crew*. Celebrating the Christmas season with his friends, Tanner sought to uncover some commotion happening in their house, which was being caused by the legendary Santa Claus. Joining together with Knollad and Jack Jabolon, Tanner led the group downstairs. Upon discovering Santa Claus in the living room, Tanner believed that he was stealing their presents, prompting him to shoot him down with his drum gun. Tanner then brought Santa Claus into the kitchen, where he sought to interrogate him.

Believing Santa Claus to be an impostor, Tanner went back into the living room to check if the presents were still underneath the tree, leaving Knollad in charge. Unfortunately, Knollad was manipulated into letting Santa Claus go, claiming that he was the only one who could stop Tanner from being run over by a 1970s Mercury Cougar to his prophesized death. With Chase by his side, Tanner fought against Santa's Elves, while Knollad battled the holly jolly psychopath himself. Though they succeeded in defeating Santa, he punished the group by putting them all on the Naughty List. Tanner became upset with Knollad, disbelieving in Santa's claim that he would be run over. While Tanner didn't get run over in the end, he still died as Vladislav used his Multiversal powers to erase all variants of Tanner from existence.

## Origins

### Costume Pieces

* Aquaman Hair
* Beige Canvas
* Cartoon Eyes
* White Teeth
* RSBR Launch Shirt (Red Sticker)
* Modded Drum Gun
* Red Boxer Shorts (Black Sticker)

## History

### Celebrating Christmas

*"Get your foot out of you ass, and MARCH! It will be three of us against one of him!"
"Okay... But what if he has a gun?"
"Whatever white-trash cracker is down there, I'm ol-get 'em!"*
―Tanner and Knollad[src]

In December 2021, Tanner celebrated Christmas with *The Incredible Crew*. Joined by Knollad, Jack Jabolon, A.N.D.R.E., Chase, and Xavier, Tanner and the group slept in their bunkbeds, while visions of sugar plums twerked in their heads. Meanwhile downstairs, the legendary Santa Claus visited the house, causing some commotion that woke up Tanner. Confused by what happened, Tanner told Knollad and Jack that they should go downstairs to see what was happening. Believing there to be an intruder, Knollad suggested to Tanner that they called the police first, but Tanner urged Knollad to go with him. When Knollad became concerned over the possibility of the intruder having a gun, Tanner grabbed out his drum gun, hoping to deal with the intruder with it. The three then progressed into the hallway, getting ready to investigate.

### Living Room Investigation

*"EAT LEAD, BITCH!"*
―Tanner to Santa Claus[src]

Out in the hallway, Tanner ordered Knollad to go downstairs first. Knollad didn't like this, asking Tanner why he was sending him out to die first. Jack Jabolon then said that it was because they loved him, making Knollad uncomfortable. Jack continued to be a creep towards Knollad, prompting him to violently slap Jack down the stairs. Knollad and Tanner then went downstairs themselves to check on the living room. Peeking through the doorway, Tanner caught a glimpse of the legendary Santa Claus, who he believed was stealing their presents.

Knollad believed it to be the real Santa Claus, while Tanner thought it was some impostor, highlighting the fact he had a wife beater. Knollad still believed it to be the real Santa, wondering how he bypassed his home security. Tanner told Knollad that his security was shit, and that his Chinese camera was probably spying on them right at this moment. Tanner hoped to go into the living room and spray Santa Claus with lead without being detected, but Jack started rambling loudly, causing Santa Claus to realize that he was being spied on. Tanner quickly walked into the living room, before firing his drum gun at Santa. Santa screamed in pain as Tanner quickly reloaded, before shooting him with more bullets. Tanner then said 'Merry Christmas, you filthy animal'.

### Interrogating Santa Claus

*"Tanner, doesn't it seem a little odd to you that an old man bypassed my home security, has a magical list with all our names on it, and filled up our stockings? All in one night...?!"
"OH, HE DAMN WELL FILLED THEM UP ALRIGHT!"
"Listen... He may not look like it... But I think this guy is the real Santa Claus..."
"Hmmm... Alright, here's the deal: I'm still not buying it. But, I'm gonna go back and check if our presents are still there. You and Jack stay here and keep an eye on "Mr. Cringle" until I can get further proof..."*
―Knollad and Tanner[src]

Tanner then brought the holly jolly psychopath into the kitchen, tying him to a chair with a piece of rope. When Santa Claus woke up, Tanner punched him, and began demanding answers to why he was stealing the group's presents. Being threatened by Tanner, Santa called him a f\*\*\*\*\*. Upset that he was saying slurs, Tanner punished Santa by shoving a bottle of soap in his mouth. Realizing Tanner was going too far, Knollad urged him to stop and let Santa go, saying that he was the real Santa Claus. Knollad then showed him Santa's magical list to prove it, but Tanner still wasn't convinced. Tanner then decided to go and check if the presents were still underneath the Christmas tree, leaving Knollad in charge to watch over Santa.

### Prophesized Death

*"Okay, so Jack went to go piss, and judging by the fact that he hasn't come out yet, you can guess what he's doing... And second... Uhm... I let Santa escape...?"
"Dom... I'm not mad... I'm just a little irritated... WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT!?"
"HE SAID YOU WERE IN DANGER, ALRIGHT?! SOMETHING ABOUT YOU BEING RAN OVER-- IT- IT SCARED ME! HE SAID HE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD PREVENT IT!"*
―Knollad and Tanner[src]

Sometime later, Tanner returned to the kitchen, saying that the presents seemed fine, but questioned who was the dork who asked for a unicycle. Just then, Tanner realized that Santa Claus was missing. Knollad revealed that he let Santa Claus escape, much to Tanner's disappointment. Tanner demanded to know why Knollad did that, so Knollad told him that Santa Claus prophesized that he would be run over by a 1970s Mercury Cougar to his death. Still upset, Tanner told Knollad that he fell for the oldest trick in the book, manipulation. Regardless of Tanner's dubious thoughts on Santa's prophecy, Knollad told Tanner that they had to capture Santa and figure out how to stop this terrible fate of his.

Tanner believed that Santa was probably long gone by now, but Knollad revealed to him that Santa had left his Magical Ballsack behind, hoping to utilize it in order to get him back. Knollad then told Tanner to call up Michael Divine so he could help them chase Santa. Unfortunately, Michael refused to participate in this lame situation, having become sick and tired of the guys only using him for his iconic line. Tanner promised Michael they would stop using him for his iconic line if he helped them capture and interrogate Santa, but Michael disappeared. Seeing no other option, Knollad recruited Jack Jabolon and Chase to help get Santa back.

### Massacring Santa's Elves

*"FELIZ NAVIDAD, YOU MIDGETS!"*
―Tanner to Santa's Elves[src]

Rushing outside with *The Incredible Crew*, Tanner hoped to confront Santa Claus. Tanner didn't seem to understand his prophesized death, as he suggested that he could just look both ways to avoid getting run over, which he deemed to be a great idea. Because Knollad refused to give Santa his Magical Ballsack back, Santa's Little Helper summoned Santa's Elves into battle, hoping to take it back themselves. Joined by Chase, Tanner gave him
an extra drum gun to use, and the two began to brutally kill all the elves standing in the way.

Observing Tanner and Chase massacring the elves, Santa's Little Helper called in the big guns, the Toggle Elf. Tanner quickly reloaded his drum gun, before targeting the Toggle Elf. The Toggler Elf was shot down, but it quickly got back up and started attacking Chase. Tanner came to Chase's rescue though, using his drum gun to successfully take down the Toggle Elf. Tanner and Chase continued killing the elves, until they saw a shooting star headed towards them. Tanner realized that it wasn't a shooting star, and quickly rushed back inside the house with Chase to take cover. Santa Claus then crashed down to the ground, causing a huge explosion that killed the remaining elves.

### Replaced by Hunter J. Restless

*"Good goin', Dom! Now we're never gettin' any presents... EVER!"
"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU MADE AT ME FOR!? I WAS THE ON TRYING TO SAVE YOUR LIFE!!!"
"DOM, DIDN'T YOU SEE WHAT KIND OF PACK THOSE ELVES WERE ON?! IT'S SUM TRIPPY SHIT, THAT PROBABLY MADE SANTA SEE ALL KINDA WACKY THINGS!"*
―Tanner and Knollad[src]

Seeing Santa Claus seriously beaten up, Tanner begged Knollad to stop. Knollad realized that he had overdone it, prompting him to apologize to Santa. Unfortunately, Santa didn't care what Knollad had to say, having gotten his Magical Ballsack back. Santa then left *The Incredible Crew* behind on his sleigh, punishing them by putting them all on the Naughty List. Upset the he now wasn't going to get any presents because of Knollad, Tanner let him know, despite Knollad saying he was just trying to save his life. Unfortunately, Tanner didn't take his prophesized death seriously, believing that Santa's Little Helper's smoking made Santa see all kinds of unusual things.

Tanner started to mock Knollad, still wondering how he was supposed to get run over if he just looked both ways. Tanner then questioned what they were going to do about the house, realizing the destruction that was caused to it. Knollad got on the phone with Doctor Strange, hoping to have him come over to help with repairs. While Knollad was busy, Tanner slowly started to fade away, much to his confusion. Tanner tried to get Knollad to notice what was happening, but he kept chatting on the phone. Tanner then screamed as he turned to dust, causing him to be replaced by Hunter J. Restless, who manipulated the group into believing that Tanner didn't exist.

## Relationships

	+ Knollad
	+ Jack Jabolon
	+ A.N.D.R.E.
	+ Michael Divine
	+ Chase †
	+ Xavier
* Santa's Elves
	+ Santa's Little Helper
	+ Toggle Elf † - Victim
	+ BeefSocks Elf †
* Vladislav - Killer

## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 1.4 1.5 1.6 1.7 1.8 1.9 *The Incredible Crew Christmas Special I*