Vehicles in GTA: Suburbia

Dutch cars

## Antiques/Sport

### **Comet**

2000 Porsche 911. I remember being a dumb kid and thinking that Porsches were Italian. I'm sorry but I didn't expect Germany to be able to make such a good car.

Replaces the Banshee.

### **Favigana**

Mk1 Ford Capri with the single sealed beam headlights. Yes, I know GTA London already has a Capri called a Crapi but come the fuck on, let's be a little mature here for a second. If I wanted to be immature, I'd turn my computer off and go play with my Squishmallows.

Replaces the Sabre Turbo.

### **Feltzer**

2001 Mercedes SL 500 convertible. What a stupid fuckin name, Feltzer. Whoever came up with that needs to be picked up and shaken up like a can of spraypaint until their insides liquify.

Replaces the Comet, especially due to the fact that you can just hop over the door.

### **Kuiken**

DAF 33. Dutch for "Chicken". What a stupid fuckin little car. It looks like what you get if you describe a Trabant to a blind guy and ask him to draw it. Did the Trabant come out first or this? I don't know and I don't care to be frank with yall.

Replaces the LOVE FIST limo. Also let's try to account for the fact that these cars were built with a weirdo early CVT transmission that gave the reverse gear such a high speed.

### **Mantis**

Opel Manta B2. Loooooool it's the car from NEW KIDS!!!!! Verrukte Mongol! Kut hoer! That shit was funny when I was 17 and tbh it hasn't held up.

Replaces the Hotring Racer.

### **Transporter Classic**

Ford Taunus Transit. Yes I know it's by all accounts a van but I'm putting it here because it's an antique. Who the fuck is using this in 2004 or whenever this mod is set? Show me a tradesman who's using this and I'll show you my 40 inch penis. This actually looks p good, why the fuck didn't we get this in America? Looks MUCH better than that ugly ass hippie Volkswagen microbus

Replaces Romeo's Hearse

### **Vergelten Classic**

Opel Rekord C Kombi. Genuinely a hot looking car I'd remortgage my house just to get my hands on one. The best part? No tacky woodgrain.

Replaces the Zebra Cab; get rid of the taxi mission abilities and make it spawn normally in traffic.

## 2 Doors

### **Blista Compact**

The Blista Compact returns as a EU Spec pre-facelift Honda Civic hatchback. Ooooooooo fancy, I know. How about you beat yourself up with a shovel and deal with what it is.

Replaces the Blista Compact, duh.

### **Focal Compact**

MK1 Ford Focus hatchback. This car is fuckin timeless, believe you me. I was four years old when these came out in America and it was the most futuristic looking piece of shit I've seen, especially relative to my dad's shitty old Century. Even 23 years later it still looks good.

Replaces the Manana.

### **Hellenbach**

Get it? It's a Ford Cougar and Mercury had a car called a Cougar that was called the Hellenbach in GTA LCS. Huh? You don't like it? How about you go to corner of Mason & Derbyshire and get your asshole blown out by an unemployed 40 year old who injects meth into his eyeballs.

Replaces the Phoenix

### **Panto**

Smart W450. Awwww, look at the cute lil car!!!!! You can take it with you on international flights too, just stow it away in the overhead luggage bin above your seat. I'm actually pretty happy that Rockstar beat me to this in GTA 5, I would've called it something dumb like "CleverCar Gmbh" or some dumb shit like that.

Replaces the Golf Caddy. Okay fuck you how about you tell me another car that's fitting to replace that piece of shit you fucking motherfucker

### **Weevil**

I only remember the toy commercials for the Barbie New Beetle. I don't remember anyone actually owning one, or at least anyone I knew. I also remember a toy commercial for a Barbie train and I really wanted it. Not because it was Barbie, but because it was a train. I told my dad about it and he called me a fag. Why, papa!!??!?! Why?!?!?!?!

Replaces the Stallion

## 4 Doors

### **Admiral**

Pre-facelift Mercedes W203. How the fuck can we have anything set in modern Europe without one of these? It's like having a game in New York City without a single Crown Vic.

Replaces the Washington.

### **Admiral Classic**

1989 Mercedes W124. The same as the Admiral but an older model for people slightly less well off. They wanna own a Mercedes but they don't want to pay Mercedes money.

Replaces the Admiral. No way, right!?!?!??!

### **Club**

MK4 VW Golf. Honestly not a bad name for the car but they completely botched the car in SA. I mean for fucks sake who's seen a Volkswagen that big?!!??! I'd see my father come back to life and kick my ass up and down the street before I see a Volkwagen that big in real life.

Replaces the Glendale

### **Focal**

MK1 Ford Focus Estate. This car looks as boring as some guy who works in a cubicle and wishes he was as cool as Dilbert or one of the Enron guys.

Replaces the Regina

### **Helios**

2003 Volkswagen Bora. Originally called the Buran because it's a type of wind just like the Bora but some guy was like "wah wah wah it's Yokel in Czech" so I'm like "Fine I'll change it BTW I got banned from McDonalds for sleeping in their freezer"

Replaces the Greenwood

### **Ingot**

2004 Volvo V70. It'd be funny if these were like 500% more durable than every other car ingame but I dunno how that'd work ingame. I mean I know how it'd work ingame but I'm saying idk if it would be good or not.

Replaces the Perennial

### **Nebula**

2004 Volvo S80. I really wish Rockstar didn't make the Nebula a Volvo cuz it's always been noted as some GM A Body but it's whatever I guess it aint the end of the world.

Replaces the Sentinel XS.

### **Sentinel**

BMW E39. While I was at work, I stopped in the middle of a delivery because I thought someone abandoned a squishmallow on the side of the road and it was just a deflated beach ball. Sad!!!

Replaces the Sentinel.

### **Sochaux**

Peugot 405. French piece of shit but it fits in here so here we go!!!!

Replaces the Taxi; get rid of the taxi mission abilities and make it spawn normally in traffic.

### **Sochaux Estate**

Peugot 405 Break. I dunno what else to say about this, it's literally the same as above but as a wagon.

Replaces the Cabbie; get rid of the taxi mission abilities and make it spawn normally in traffic.

### **Vector**

Post-facelift Opel Omega B. Didn't America get this as a Cadillac Catera? That was so fucking funny, imagine wanting to buy a Cadillac and it just ends up being some shitty German sedan. Idk if it was truly shitty tbh but it's def not what I'd expect if I was going to buy a Cadillac.

Replaces the Washington.

### **Vergelten**

Opel Commodore C. What's the difference between this and the Rekord E? Fuck if I know but they're pretty much the same. Vergelten means "to reward" in German or some shit like this, like how "rekord" means record. You beat the record and you got a reward! Du hast den Rekord gebrochen und du hast eine Belohnung bekommen! Fuck you, that sounded better in my head.

Replaces the Stretch.

### **Westerlies**

1982 Volkswagen Passat Variant CL B2. I saw this in Deutschland 83 and it was lit as hell. The main guy stole one off the streets after outing himself as a spy. 10/10 highly recommend watching it.

Replaces the Kaufmann Cab; get rid of the taxi mission abilities and make it spawn normally in traffic.

## Vans & SUVs

### **Diamantina**

2004 Opel Fronterra. I named it after a river in Australia because, y'know, you go offroading and reach it? Get it? No? Fuck you I'm a genius I know what I'm doing. I wanted to go to college for marketing!!!!!

Replaces the Rancher.

### **Huntley**

2003 Land Rover L322. I'm not sure if these are considered luxury vehicles in Europe like they are in America or if they're just plain ol vehicles but oh well, here's a Land Rover!!

Replaces the Landstalker.

### **Memphis**

2002 Citroen Xsara Piccaso. Fuck Piccaso, stupid painter sculptor asshole. He founded the cubist movement? That's the ugliest fucking shit. I'd rather scrape a piece of roadkill off the interstate and frame it in my living room than have some dumb cubist looking shit anywhere on my property. You know what a better art style was? Memphis style!!!!1!!1!!1!!1!!!!!

Replaces the Moonbeam

### **Retinue**

2002 Ford Escort Van. Why the fuck didn't America get these? This is so fucking hot. There's literally cum dribbling out of my pp just looking at this.

Replaces the Burrito.

### **Serrano**

2002 Mercedes W163 facelift. I was gonna add the Rebla instead but that thing is so fucking disgusting. Who at Rockstar signed off on that thing? I hope they're fired and living in a sewer somewhere.

Replaces the Pony.

### **Spectacle**

Renault Scenic MK1. Someone said that Spectacle is genuinely a good name for this and I'm like "Horray! My ego has boosted!"

Replaces the Patriot.

### **Transporter**

2000 Ford Transit. You know what's weird? I knew these things were called Ford Transits as a child and before I became incredibly autistic and looked at European vehicles online. I dunno, maybe I saw the name when I was in London at the ripe old age of 8 and it stuck with me and I didn't realize it. Who knows for sure?

Replaces the Rumpo.

## Utility

### **Eurotruck**

Iveco Eurocargo 75E16. Big truck, big man, big nuts!!!!!! You know how these things have cabs that open outwards and face the ground so you can work on the engine? How funny would it be if the whole entire cab was movable like that and if you got in a wreck it would fuck up the mounts or whatever and you just went BOIOIOIOING whenever you were driving? I know it's probably not possible but it's still a very silly picture in my head.

Replaces the Yankee.

### **HGV**

1998 DAF 95 XF. I really hate the name because it's very generic (Heavy Goods Vehicle) and the original name was so bland I couldn't think of anything to do with it. Also Europe doesn't have the REPUBLICAN TRUCK DRIVIN MAN HOSS meme that America has that I can play off of. Oh well, I guess this is general enough.

Replaces the Linerunner.

### **Luton**

2000 Ford Transit box truck. I know I should've just called it like "Transporter Box Truck" but calling it a Luton is like a nice lil nod to the cut truck from GTA 3.

Replaces the Benson.

### **Pony**

2000 Mercedes Sprinter Truck. I'm assuming the Pony in III is a Sprinter van, so here's the truck equivalent. Maybe it can only spawn in a DHL variant or some shit? I dunno.

Replaces the Mule.

## Public Service

### **Ambulance**

Mercedes Sprinter. For the Netherlands, it was either this or some Chevy van. Why the fuck are the Dutch appropriating our vehicles? Yall dont see us using DAF ambulances so step the fuck off.

Replaces the Ambulance.

### **Club Police**

Mk4 VW Golf. I don't know what else there is to say about this other than the fact it's a fucking police car. You better hope it dont come up behind you and flash its lights.

Replaces the Police. No shit!!

### **Enforcer**

Vw Transporter T4. Only shows up whenever you get into a lot of trouble or only in certain missions. Idk what else there is to say about it.

Replaces the Enforcer.