Nonsensical Omakes and Outlines

## **Omakes/Long-winded Nonsense:**

The area for omakes and material that is too long to belong in *Jokes and Speculation*.

**Supernatural-Human Relations:**

It is recommended for those in human-sup relationships to wear protection, either for their own benefit or their partner’s: Condoms are always recommended, sups with transformative or venomous bites are recommended to use a muzzle, plastic teeth blunters, or a gag to avoid accidental bites, and sups with sharp claws/talons are recommended to use claw/talon covers or to file them down to avoid accidentally cutting their partner.

Free or reduced safety classes are available for those with an innate biting instinct or for those who are interested in restrictive equipment, live demonstrations and simulations for how to properly put on and use recommended equipment are also available.

### **Arcane Dating Website:**

While the Masquerade was maintained, it was found that a group of mages created a dating website, what made it odd was that it was specifically a dating website for supernatural creatures. The reason it wasn’t shut down was because it had a revolutionary technology to defend against the local public from learning about it: arcane memetic contracts.

The first was the advertisement for the website, which looked like a snow-covered pine forest to those that lacked sufficient knowledge of the Masquerade. To those that did possess that knowledge, they would see the advertisement with the snow-covered pine forest transparent and in the background. The second was an arcane NDA which was applied as soon as one agreed to the terms and conditions, those that decided to decline would be sent back to their homepage and lose memory of the website.

Foundation scientists were deployed to question the makers of the memetic agents. Unfortunately, it was found that the makers were incredibly drunk when they created the memetic agents and thus didn’t know how to repeat the process.

### **Furry Conventions:**

Werewolves are banned from attending any ‘furry’ convention. This is a result of two incidents, the first of which was an incident where several convention members pinned down a werewolf and forced him to bite them, few of the attackers survived the transformation and roughly half went berserk once they transformed. The werewolf has received therapy for the incident. The second incident was where a werewolf forgot about her transformative bite and playfully nipped a couple of convention members, she only broke through their skin twice and only one transformed.

### **Arcane Lockbox, inspired by derubermensch:**

Kenny comes to Jake about how he’s heard a rumour about how there’s a lot of things made of silver available for sale in a local Goodwill at a low cost. They head over in Jake’s truck to see if it is true, in an odd turn of luck, it is. They find several extremely battered boxes of silverware made of silver, which they tested using a clump of werewolf fur/hair Jake got from brushing Hanna. The silverware itself is even more damaged, with knives bent and shattered, forks missing tines or broken handles, and flattened spoons. Thankfully, neither of them were planning on using the silverware for its intended purpose.

On the way out, Jake spots an oddly made Rubik’s cube that seems to call to him, it has sixteen tiles on each side with colours that aren’t on a normal Rubik’s cube like purple, black, a metallic looking gold, etc. Each tile also had an odd symbol on it that was the opposite colour of the tile it was placed on. It was only three turns away from being solved and Jake felt a desire to buy it and solve it. Obeying his instincts, he bought it and promptly solved it in front of Kenny, who watched with an utterly lost expression on his face, deadpans, “You spent fifty bucks to do tha-”. The cube’s runes interrupt him by flashing brightly enough to put spots in Kenny and Jake’s vision. “The fuck what that?! Where’d you find that?!”

**(Note for continued writing: Premise is that Jake finds a puzzle box that will [temporarily] summon a monster that is the user’s greatest fetish, opens it, and starts seeing a second Hanna)**

### **Technical Difficulties:**

A new phenomenon affecting vampires and several types of fae has been discovered, this phenomenon causes the affected to have a severe difficulty with doing technical work on a computer or any computerized system, there have been several cases where a vampire has been unable to turn on a computer or log into an email account without assistance.

Supernatural scientists have been studying the phenomenon and have made the following statement, “We’ve come to the conclusion that this is a newly discovered mythos … it was either undiscovered due to computers not existing for most of our recorded history, however there is an alternative theory that suggests that mythoses can be created.”

We then asked amateur IT technician ████████ about his thoughts, “Vampires? I, uh, know that old people are pretty bad with computers, they’re usually my clients, and vampires are even older than them so they’d likely be even worse with computers.” We asked him why currently employed programmers who’ve been turned also develop difficulties, his response was, “Um, my dad was a database designer about twenty years ago and he now complains about how difficult computers are to use. Maybe it’s something like that? I don’t know, go ask a scientist, doctor, or something.”

Next up: ‘Is the Queen of England actually a vampire?’ More on that at eleven.

### **Riding Bitch: (Note: Badly written bit of smut)**

It had been a few months since Jake took out a mortgage to buy a new house for him and Hanna to live in. The house wasn’t anything fancy, it needed some repairs, was a bit small, and was on the fringe of town, almost an understatement as it was completely surrounded by the forest, but it was workable. While neither were particularly good at repairing things, YouTube was an extremely useful resource that resulted in functional, if unsightly, repairs. The size of the house was a dramatic upgrade for Hanna. Lastly, the location meant that she wouldn’t be affected by the locally grown wolfsbane.

It had taken some nagging, and rutting, from Jake, but he’d convinced Hanna to settle down and get a job as a mechanic. She was alright at fixing problems with cars, but she was more skilled at diagnosing problems.

Hanna was wandering the house in her wolf form, she’d started doing it ever since Jake had gotten a bit drunk and gushed about how much he loved the feel and scent of her fur. She had to pry the detail that he liked her scent out of him as he was hesitant to admit it even while drunk. She'd originally started doing it in order to tease him. The teasing factor eventually died down, but she still did it because he’d just give her a rub down that would almost always turn into heavy petting, which might then become cuddling.

The side effect of her being in her wolf form so often was that she initially lacked the dexterity to do many things. It took time, and a significant amount of swearing and makeshift safety measures, but she’d gotten a grasp of how to type on a keyboard and use a key to lock a door. There were quite a few destroyed keyboards before Jake got ‘thimbles’ for Hanna’s claws, which were replaced with some heavy duty leather gloves, which proved to be more comfortable and less prone to falling off.

She eventually wanted to see if she could ride a motorcycle while in wolf form just out of curiosity, but it would be incorrect to deny that the thought of how cool it’d look for a werewolf to be riding a motorcycle didn’t play a factor in her interest. Her suggestion of such to him made him worry. Concerns like: ‘What if she falls off?’,‘Could the bike carry her? She’s bigger as a wolf than normal,” and ‘What if she’s seen?’ flooded his mind and Hanna was only able to break him out of his fretting by telling him that she’ll be safe and do some slow practice driving and the like until she gets comfortable with riding a motorcycle as a wolf.

She started practicing during the weekends, she could practice during the day as the roads were almost never used. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, due to the lack of clothing, the vibration of the engine, and the roughness of the backroads, her practice sessions usually left her a bit hot and bothered and the motorcycle seat drenched. Which was an issue that she sought, and got, Jake’s help with resolving, usually by entering the house and then giving him the growling signal that they had agreed to mean 'Get a condom on before I pin your face between my thighs '. She made it a point to repay him later whenever she did the latter and left him a sopping, panting mess. The seat itself was occasionally remembered afterwards, but was forgotten more often than not and had to be scrubbed clean.

Eventually she got to the point where she was skilled enough to be comfortable on her motorcycle as a wolf and decided to show off her new talent to Jake. The ride was somewhat uncomfortable for him, Hanna took up most of the sitting room, which meant that he was sitting half off the bike with his face buried in her fur, arms wrapped around her chest and gripping onto the fur near her breasts, her hips resting on top of his, and her plush tail wagging off to his side.

The uncomfortable position was eventually forgotten by the grinding of their hips and the bike's vibration. Hanna didn't pullover until she'd gotten tired of not having enough simulation and made that familiar growling. Jake knew how she was whenever came back from a practice session and came prepared. He'd unrolled it and tried to get off the motorcycle to get a better angle, but she refused to let him get off and then turned her head to the side before giving an amused chuff and a toothy grin before taking him to the hilt and recontinuing the drive. She pulled over twice more when she'd hit her limit to avoid losing control. To avoid leaving him blue, she endeavors to finish him off while they're getting close to home, and she does. The release after about a half hour of unintended edging nearly knocks him out.

They manage to get home safely and put the bike about where it belongs before attempting, and failing, to make it to the bedroom and instead go with plan B and pass out on the couch in a cuddle.

### **Annual Checkup:**

After studying the information in the Masquerade Nuke, Jake had enough information to compile a medical baseline for various types of supernatural creatures, most of which being related to werewolves and vampires. However, his compilation was a bit unreliable as a result of it being reverse engineered from images of dead sups and journal entries combined with the closest mundane relatives and related lore he could find.

In a surge of paranoia, he split the "book" up into different sets of pages, the only two of which that were left out were the werewolves and vampires 'baselines'. The rest were hidden in a safe.

Nevertheless, Jake wanted to see if he was even remotely close with his findings. Alas, he only knew three werewolves and all of which had different body types and only one of which might have easily agreed to an examination.

## **Random event Outlines(?):**

Most of what is here is intended to be fluff or omake material, might come into existence in the future if I get more confidence with my writing ability.

### **Werewolf Cuddles:**

Jake stays at Hanna’s house for whatever reason and the faltering heating unit finally dies, due to it being winter and the insulation of the trailer being tattered, the cold just seeps in and regular cuddling just can’t seem to get either of them warm. One of them remembers how Hanna’s wolf form is warm and fluffy and suggests that she shifts and he goes to get additional blankets.

### **Alternate: Werewolf Cuddles:**

Similar to above, but Hanna or Jake decide to go camping for whatever reason and bring a tent far too large to easily heat up or Hanna’s Wolf gets itchy due to a full moon or just a craving for someone to work on those knots in her back and other hard-to-reach places.

### **Odd Clients:**

An odd client comes into the clinic requesting flea treatment, they have with them a rather large wolfdog, who is visibly unhappy and without a collar. Due to policy, all new animals need to come in either in a cage or wearing a collar, Jake, being polite, lets the client know of this and offers to sell them a flea collar in order to both appease policy and prevent fleas in the future. The client looks surprised and amused upon hearing that but the wolfdog looks appalled and glances towards them in an odd display of awareness, though it might just be a dog that is afraid of the vet and it’s just convenient timing. The client agrees and then leans down to mutter something to the wolfdog that seems to get it to untense, at least partially.

### **Returning the Favor(Note: Would have to occur once the relationship between Jake and Hanna has further developed):**

Jake gets injured, it’s not bad enough to go to the hospital, but it is enough to have him bedridden. Despite being a good vet and impromptu doctor, he isn’t a good patient. Hanna, wanting to try and help speed up Jake’s recovery, goes to Kenny for input as he knows how to quickly get the correct information from the internet. Naturally, Kenny provides a semi-helpful bit of advice, ‘Dress up as a nurse and give him food and painkillers.’

She partially takes Kenny’s advice and brings Jake her attempt at cooking, water, and painkillers. Since she both lacks any pieces of nurse cosplay and knows Jake finds her wolven form appealing, she presents the platter of supplies transformed and with a grin. Jake does his best to finish what she had prepared,

~~Breaking the Language Barrier:~~

~~Jake stumbles across a book for learning sign language and goes to donate it to the library when he remembers that werewolves cannot speak in their wolven forms. He goes to present it to Hanna, who seems rather unimpressed, stating that she could just shift back to talk. Jake counters with how it must be tiring to go back and forth between forms~~ (Discontinued due to lack of reason)

### **Masquerade Training - Urban Blending:**

A naive, young werewolf is inducted into the Foundation’s Masquerade Enforcement Department, and is caught off guard once their training is complete and they are provided with an outfit that looks straight out of an anime. They were expecting some sort of military style uniform, not that, and naturally ‘politely inquire’ about it. Two weeks later, they are walking side-by-side with a senior enforcer, wearing an equally absurd outfit, through a neighborhood

### **Unfortunate Spasms: (Note: Smut idea)**

Jake is eating out Hanna and her orgasm causes her to slam her thighs together with such force that it injures Jake’s neck. She panics and calls an ambulance, Jake eventually leaves the hospital wearing a cone and brace. He stresses about the expensiveness of the hospital, Dakota mentions some loophole that will effectively nullify his medical bills as they were caused by something supernatural and then remarks about how the report might be awkward to fill out. Someone recommends buying Hanna a heavy duty leg spreader bar.

### **Doctor’s Bag:**

Hanna gets injured and once the battle is over, Jake pulls out his bag of medical supplies and after doing the proper sterilization, pulls out another bag that contains a grooming kit and towels to clean and fix her fur… while still in the field. She’s not content with being forced to sit, but she doesn’t want to cause him to fret over her too much.

### **Learning the ABCs: (Note: Smut idea)**

Jake researches the best way to eat Hanna out and gets caught during his research and practice session on a new, unused toy.