recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
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A great Wiki covers all the areas - big and small - so please assist with getting as much detail in as possible!

**Characters**
Bob Trescothick

Cliff Trent-Roberts

Dr David Pin

Dr Sam Archer (formatting required)

Eli Roberts (formatting required)

Les Cheese

Michael Banyan

Sid Onion

**Episodes**
Episode 54 – Beefhead Day - Lyrics require finishing

**Actors**
Tom Crowley

Tom Neenan

**Universe**
Beefhead Day (to be created - need traditions, origins)

Handcatch PR (to be created)
Tom Crowley

Tom has been performing comedy to the dismay of everyone including himself for the better part of the past decade, starting in Boston as a standup in 2011.

Website

Twitter

**Characters**
Francis Cranley - Episode 6

Timothy Van Lindqvist - Episode 12

Peter Carter - Episode 14

Les Cheese - Episode 16

Unnamed Circus Attendee - Episode 17

Leonard Neuvaux - Episode 20

Unnamed member of public - Episode 23

Julian Alderman - Episode 25

Unnamed Newsreader - Episode 31, Episode 32, Episode 33, Episode 42 and Episode 61

David Feathercroft - Episode 34

Host's Father - Episode 38

Paul Kitesworthy's Brother - Episode 50

Unnamed Advertiser - Episode 53 and Episode 68

Unnamed Answering Machine Caller - Episode 56

Dr Jonathan Rainsbury - Episode 58

King of the Lowland Folk - Episode 59

Carol's Husband - Episode 64

Narrator of "On the Origin of Species" by Charles Darwin - Episode 65

Unnamed Emergency Line Operator - Episode 69
Episode 89 - Paula York

Stevie Martin joins in this week as we meet the relationships consultant employed by the Bovine Farmers Union to try and improve the falling farmer birthrate.

## Characters

* Host
* Todd Rackson (letter)
* Sarah Chism (letter)
* Paula York
* Maggie Bywater (online post)
* Jim Membership (online post)

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* Stevie Martin
Mitchell's Farm Supplies

**Mitchell's Farm Supplies**, usually known as just **Mitchell's**, is a multinational corporation based in America who manufacture feed, supplements and tools for use in the beef, dairy and broader livestock industries. Their slogan is "If it's not Mitchell's, get back in the truck", voiced by Linnea Sage.

Mitchell's is a long-time sponsor of the Beef and Dairy Network, and especially the podcast. The company has not escaped controversy, however, with many of their products proving to have dangerous side effects, and claims of corruption and embezzlement against senior company staff.

## Subsidiaries and Associated Organizations

### Mitchell's Records

Released Paul Paul's *"Cold Coffee and Hot Piss".*

## Mitchell's Products

### Cattle feed, supplements and treatments

* Bovshield Plunge - an antimicrobial cattle dip
* Grazex - a grass replacement pellet
* Grainium - nutritional sand
* Hay Sauce - available in variety of flavours
* Megabean - “the world’s first entirely man-made edible organism”.
* Mooeze XL - a bovine pacification lozenge
* Nature’s Beak - cattle feed made of ground up bird beaks
* Steel Hoof Deluxe - a hoof-strengthening supplement.
* Combusta-Clean Slaughterhouse Floor Cleaner
* Hay Sauces - a line of sauces to bring the classic flavors of Italian cooking to your herd

### Equipment

* Death Valley Laser Heat Lamp
* Oxen Strap
* Smooth Girl - a "cattle shaving system"
* Spunk Blaster Pro - a high-powered semen gun. It replaces a large number of previous models.
	+ Replaces the following insemination gun models: Jizz Musket 5000, Bull Milk Six-shooter, Jessum's Piping Bag, Life Rifle, Gamete Gun, Dongthang 42, and Old Uncle Bill's Blowpipe.
* Milk 7000 - an ultra-powerful milking machine

## Mitchell's Mascots

* Alma, the Steel Hoof Heifer
* Snouty, the Grazex Pig

1. ↑ Episode 49 - The Beef Hop
2. ↑ Episode 51 - Live At The European Barn Doors And Gates Expo
Les Cheese

Les Cheese is one half of the famous comedy act Cheese & Onion.

Episode 5 - Dustin France
TBC

Episode 12 - Timothy Van Lindqvist & Paul Paul
Timothy calls Les Cheese to ask about his cow

TBC

Episode 16 - Live At The London Agriculture Festival
Les speaks about his Kickstarter to get Sid Onion out of prison.

Episode 25 - Les Cheese’s Heart
TBC

Episode 34 - Lucy Bonham
TBC

Notes
The "Les Cheese is a Beef Laureate" myth arises as a result of a trick question asked of applicants who want to join the unofficial "Beef and Dairy Network Podcast Fans" group.
Episode 103 – The Beef Brigade

John-Luke Roberts, Mike Shephard, Mike Wozniak, Henry Paker, Louise Robb and Linnea Sage join us this month to find out about live light entertainment stalwarts, the Beef Brigade.

## Characters

* Host
* Mario Greg
* Professor James Harcombe
* Unnamed Cattle Collage attendee
* Quentin Barkly from Coventry (letter)
* Herbert Bertwhistle
* Roy Postlethwaite

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* John-Luke Roberts
* Mike Shephard
* Mike Wozniak
* Henry Paker
* Louise Robb
* Linnea Sage
Episode 68 - Eli Returns

Mike Bubbins, Priya Hall, Chris Corcoran and Tom Crowley join in for this episode in which we hear from former slaughter man turned cult leader Eli Roberts about his return to his home town.

## Characters

* Host
* Eli Roberts
* Jeff Pew
* Ted Danson (mentioned)
* Emma Harrison
* Carol (mentioned)
* Thomas Jenkins (mentioned)
* Unnamed Advertiser

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* Mike Bubbins
* Priya Hall
* Chris Corcoran
* Tom Crowley
Episode 32 - Redeeming Eli, Part 2

The second in a new mini-series from the Beef And Dairy Network.

“Why would a man from the south of Wales in his sixties come all the way to London with nothing but a train ticket and a lump hammer to kill a perfect stranger?

**Characters**

Host

Unnamed newsreader

DCI Dexter Whatley

Dr Sam Archer

Penny Eggremont

Phillip Seastram

Branwen Bourne

Peter/John Craddock (mentioned)

Eli Roberts

**Actors**
Benjamin Partridge

Mike Bubbins

Ed Gamble

Mike Wozniak

Gemma Arrowsmith

Tom Crowley

Sian Harries

Tom Neenan

Rhodri Viney

**Goofs**
Eli's victim is called "Peter Craddock" by the newsreader, but is called "John Craddock" immediately after by Host
Episode 79 – The Phosphorus Brothers

Sunil Patel, Henry Paker, Karólína Vigdís, Louise Robb and Hester L.C. (@hesmygirl) join in this month as we concentrate on some great British business successes.

**Sponsor**
Mitchell's Granium 2

**Characters**
Host

Richard Boyaver (mentioned)

Gary Trulliman

Cameron Reeves (mentioned)

Paul Shilpott

Barry from Tyneside (letter)

4x Unnamed Callers

**Actors**
Benjamin Partridge

Sunil Patel

Henry Paker

Karólína Vigdís

Louise Robb

Hester L.C.
Episode 22 - Michael “Frank” Franklinson

Mike Wilmot and Mike Wozniak join in for this episode which features an interview with Canadian entrepreneur Michael “Frank” Franklinson, who has invented a new way to combine beef and dairy.

**Sponsor**
Mitchell's - Mooeze XL

**Characters**
Host

Phillip Bontempi

Michael “Frank” Franklinson

Lesley Sunrider

Mrs Goldfinch (letter)

Mrs Chudkins (letter)

**Actors**
Benjamin Partridge

Mike Wilmot

Mike Wozniak

Mark Turetsky
David Pin

Dr **David Pin** was a scientist who worked at the European Space Agency, but his life has turned out to be much more complex...

**Episode 1 - Dr David Pin**
Dr Davin Pin is the subject of the featured interview to talk about his project exploring Mars for signs of life. He lost his temper after the host continued to ask him about cows in space and the possibility of finding or farming meat - including the mythical "fifth meat" - on Mars.

**Episode 14 - A Matter Of Life And Death**
Dr Pin calls the show, leaving a message to report that his team have found evidence of the fifth meat. As he's on the call, mysterious assailants break in and shoot him repeatedly, presumably to death - a fate shared by others who also call in to report close encounters with the fifth meat.

**Episode 18 - Munich Special**
It is revealed that Dr David Pin was kept alive, albeit reduced to just a head, lungs, liver and anus, and that he is not entirely human - his mother was one of the aliens responsible for the fifth meat. He finally dies when his own child, also not entirely human, bursts out of his visiting wife, and eats him.

**Notes**
There are rumours circulating in the Facebook Fan Club that in Episode 1 the interview thought to be with Dr Pin was in fact an interview with an impostor, the failed comedian Dustin France who appears in  Episode 5

The careers of the two are so different, but when they get angry the voice recognition software in St Petersburg gives a 97.9% match and with a population of 4.991 million and falling we better take the match seriously.

Dr Pin's days may be numbered.
Episode 67 - Milking Machine Misadventures

Natasha Hodgson, Cariad Lloyd, Tom Neenan, Mike Wozniak, Linus Karp and Tim Bick join in for this episode which looks at a worrying trend revealed by the 2020 agricultural workplace injury statistics.

## Characters

* Host
* David Beegus
* Melanie Hancatch
* Ted Danson (mentioned)
* Dr Sam Archer
* Kenneth (mentioned)
* Tessa
* Bob Trescothick (mentioned)
* Magnus

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* Natasha Hodgson
* Cariad Lloyd
* Tom Neenan
* Mike Wozniak
* Linus Karp
* Tim Bick
Episode 23 - 75th Anniversary Special

It’s the Beef And Dairy Network’s 75th birthday. To celebrate, we take a look back into our archive with the help of new B&DN archivist Alex Neon.

## Characters

* The Host
* Alex Neon
* Millicent Ringrose
* Paul Winkle
* Unnamed member of public x5
* Winston Churchill
* Unnamed American

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* Gareth Gwynn
* Nadia Kamil
* Tom Crowley
* Molly Beth White
* Tom Neenan
* Sarah Thom
* Mike Bubbins
* Hal Lublin
Episode 37 - Lamb Therapy

Rachel Parris, Shivani Thussu, Tom Neenan and Nigel Crowle join in for this episode where we react to the latest UK Meat Attitudes survey, which shows a marked increase in the use of lamb amongst young professionals.

**Sponsor**
Mitchell's - Bovesheild Plunge

**Characters**
Host

Megan Pourbooth

Anna Sharma

Dr Sam Archer

Barry Gore

Multiple unnamed children

**Actors**
Benjamin Partridge

Shivani Thussu

Rachel Parris

Tom Neenan

Nigel Crowle
Episode 74 - Beef Fishing

Neil Delamere, Katie Elin-Salt, Tom Burgess, Chris Cantrill, Elis James and Lotte Betts-Dean join in as we learn about a growing phenomenon that is blighting the dating world: beef fishing.

**Sponsor**
Alan Bambra's Cold Beer for Dogs

**Characters**
Host

Kenny Baritone

Bob Trescothick

Simon Featherbee

Michelle Davis

Unnamed Dark Butcher/Beef Fisher

**Actors**
Benjamin Partridge

Neil Delamere

Katie Elin-Salt

Tom Burgess

Chris Cantrill

Elis James

Lotte Betts-Dean
Episode 80 – World Beef Bulletin

Linnea Sage, Tom Crowley, Gemma Arrowsmith, Tom Neenan, Rajiv Karia, Tim Bick, Hendrikje Alexis, Holly Watson and Madeleine Brettingham join in this month, where instead of a usual episode, we’re giving you a sneak peak of our brand new daily news bulletin, the World Beef Bulletin.

**Sponsor**
Sadie's Beef Palace

**Characters**
Host

Rhona Stent

Alexandro Gomez (mentioned)

Dr Sam Archer

Katrine Sharf

Jeffery Tornstard

Paul Balldart (a.k.a The Equalizer)

Sophie Pollock

Christopher Remulard

Eileen Portbury

Julie Bagshot

Roy

**Actors**
Benjamin Partridge

Linnea Sage

Tom Crowley

Gemma Arrowsmith

Tom Neenan

Rajiv Karia

Tim Bick

Hendrikje Alexis

Holly Watson

Madeleine Brettingham
Head, lungs, liver and anus

The head, lungs, liver and anus are four organs of significance.

#### Episode 50 - Your Host’s Fiftieth Episode

Paul Kitesworthy's head, lungs, liver and anus were discovered by a dog walker, and the anus was used to identify his body by Dexter Whatley.

#### Episode 64 - Goodbye Bimpsie

Dexter Whatley discovers a body missing its head, lungs, liver, and anus, making it impossible to identify. He believes it to be the body of the missing actress Carol.
The Ballad of Parsnip Flendercroft

"The Ballad of Parsnip Flendercroft" is a poem written by former Bovine Poet Laureate Michael Banyan to commemorate the achievements of former Bovine Farmer's Union bursar Parsnip Flendercroft. It is read in Episode 42 - The Ballad Of Parsnip Flendercroft and provides the title for the episode.

## Poem

Why, why, Hyundai why

Why oh why, Hyundai

You said goodbye and you made us cry

Reversing your Hyundai

Parsnip, Parsnip, what can I say

You saw the world and cursed it

You got in your Hyundai gray

And then with rage, reversed it

Like an arrow seeking out its quiver

Like a salmon in a hatchback reversing upriver

An onion enrobed in hot beef liver

You made our hearts a-quiver

Why, why, Hyundai why

Why oh why, Hyundai

Parsnip Parsnip who was it for

You couldn't have rehearsed it

You wanted us to see the way

Is that why you reversed it?

Did you want us to see things the wrong way around

Like an upside-down hook

Or a Japanese book

You taught us a new way to look

Can an apple float back into a tree,

Can a noodle return to its packet,

Can you re-find A once you've gone to Z

Can a cow be made from a jacket?

Why, why, Hyundai why,

Why oh why, Hyundai,

Now Parsnip you're high and dry

Reversing your way across the sky

You'll reverse it, my friend all the way to Shanghai

In your four-door hatchback grey Hyundai
Episode 12 - Timothy Van Lindqvist & Paul Paul

Tom Crowley joins in this month as we hear about how Timothy Van Lindqvist lost his cow. We also premiere a new track from Paul Paul to celebrate the announcement of his first major tour of the USA.

## Characters

* The Host
* Timothy Van Lindqvist
* Paul Paul

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* Tom Crowley
* Rodry Viney

## Butter Making

[Speaking]

*Today automation has taken much of the drudgery out of processing dairy products*

*But that means we require more and more highly skilled workers*

*Remember the dairy industry is dynamic and always moving forwards and always in search of improvements*

*Never completely satisfied with the extent of its progress*

The dairy door is shut once more

None can enter

None can hide

The dairy door whose iron locks can't hold the things I feel inside

Butter making

Butter making

A sacred dance of milk and movement

The churn is shaking

The churn is shaking

For the little boy inside

The butter sitting ripe and proud

Ready for the knife's cruel blade

Creamy white

A virgin's bed

Waiting for the crumbs mislaid

Butter making

Butter making

A sacred dance of milk and movement

The churn is shaking

The churn is shaking

For the little boy inside

Butter making

Butter making

An ancient scene of milk improvement

The vault is breaking

My heart is breaking

For I am but a boy

Butter boy

Butter boy
Episode 97 – Len Biro

John Rutledge joins in this month as we speak to someone who has just started a new career as a milkman despite being in his nineties.

## Characters

* Host
* Host's father
* Len Biro
* Ian Bambury (mentioned)
* Valory in Beckenham (letter)
* Bernard in Todmorden (letter)
* Brenda in Leeds (letter)

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* John Rutledge
Melanie Handcatch

Melanie Handcatch is the founder of Handcatch PR and is a PR consultant.

## Work prior to Bimpsie

As a theme park consultant, Melanie Handcatch worked on a variety of theme parks, such as Sticklebricks in Kent, Merlin's Land in Doncaster, and Alton Towers. She forayed into the podcast consultancy world when she created the podcast Krill Kingdom as a way to reinvigorate the theme park Sea World. Krill Kingdom was a podcast about krill, starring Billy the Krill and Bradley Justin Robertson. She also worked on the podcast "An American Life"

## Bimpsie

Melanie Handcatch created Bimpsie as a way make the Beef and Dairy Network more popular in the demographic of 6 - 9 year old girls, in an effort to pay off the Network's debt to the Estonian Government and the grain debt to the Actor Ted Danson. Bimpsie was portrayed by Carol, who later went missing and was discovered without her Head, lungs, liver and anus. Melanie later received calls from Danson, with the words "the loaves must be made" being repeated frequently.
Episode 88 - Live at Tanya and Barry’s Wedding

Linnea Sage, Tom Crowley, Mike Wozniak, Henry Paker, Nadia Kamil join in this month as we provide a live version of the podcast at the same time as performing the ancient vows of holy matrimony for a couple called Tanya and Bob.

## Characters

* Host
* Barry
* Tanya
* Bob Trescothick
* Michael Banyan
* Mark Rylance (mentioned)
* Paul Giamatti (mentioned)
* Daniel Radcliffe (mentioned)
* Jonathan Franzen (mentioned)
* Tom
* Lucy
* 4 Unnamed Video Messengers
* Mike Wozniak (mentioned)
* Clive from Littlehampton

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* Linnea Sage
* Tom Crowley
* Mike Wozniak
* Henry Paker
* Nadia Kamil
Tom Neenan

**Tom Neenan** is an English actor, writer and comedian. He is the lead writer on BBC Two’s hit satirical show *The Mash Report*, for which he was nominated for a BAFTA, and writes and stars in BBC Radio 4 radio series *The Hauntening*, for which he was nominated for a Writer’s Guild Award. He is also lead writer and producer on Quibi’s topical news comedy show *Hello America*, hosts his own BBC Sounds podcast *Tom Neenan Is Not All Men*, and has appeared as a guest on numerous podcasts. He is also an accomplished live comedian with multiple successful Edinburgh Fringe shows.

## Characters

* Dr Sam Archer - Episode 7, Episode 10, Episode 20, Episode 25, Episode 32, Episode 37, Episode 47, Episode 56, Episode 69
* TBC - Episode 17
* TBC - Episode 23
* Gary Burglar - PODSTRIKE

## External links

* tomneenan.com
* @TNeenan on Twitter
* *Hello America* on YouTube
* *The Hauntening* on BBC Radio 4
Episode 2 - A Tribute To Paul Kitesworthy

We tackle the issue of whether children know enough about where food comes from and we say goodbye to network founder Paul Kitesworthy.

## Characters

* The Host
* Paul Kitesworthy (mentioned)
* Barry from Devon (letter)
* Angela from Littlehampton (letter)
* Winston Trick (letter)
* Paula Redside
* Lesley Peters
* Doug Bloch
* Roosevelt Macintosh
* Cynthia Pickton
* Airon Ball
* Steve Kanathon

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* Nadia Kamil
* Mike Wozniak
* Jack Bernhardt
* Gareth Gwynn
* Sian Harries
* Henry Paker
* Mike Bubbins
Episode 8 - Eli Roberts Investigation

Ed Gamble and Mike Bubbins join in with this month’s episode in which we hear from Phillip Seastram of the Food Standards Agency and do some investigation at the home of Eli Roberts, formerly of Roberts Slaughterhouse.

## Characters

* Host
* Phillip Seastram
* Eli Roberts

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* Ed Gamble
* Mike Bubbins
Milk

**Milk**, also known as **the white stuff**, **God's breast milk**, **the business**, **calf custard**, **the treat from the teat**, **bullock beer**, or **cattle juice**, is the valuable liquid produced by dairy herds. In Episode 47 - Too Much Milk?, Dr Sam Archer warns that too much milk might be hazardous to the health for a small outlier of individuals, but for the most part milk consumption is an essential part of the diet. Milk can be processed into other dairy products such as butter, yoghurt and cheese.

### Pig milk

Pig milk, obtained from sows, is a sponsor of the Beef & Dairy Network Podcast. West Yorkshire darts champion Kenny Baritone endorsed many varieties of Pig Milk until Episode 73 - Kenny Baritone.
Jumanjaniacs

***Jumanjaniacs*** is the world's favourite *Jumanji* podcast, a daily show in which hosts Ian and Michelle watch the entire film every day and record a 180 minute podcast about it.

The podcast started in 2011, and ran every day for around eight years until 2019. That year, during the recording of a promo for the show, Michelle realised Ian had been in her yard in the middle of the night and, disturbed by his behaviour, put the show on hiatus.

Ian and Michelle reunited in 2021, recording remotely for episode 2752 with the addition of a third host, Michelle's husband Jerry. This would turn out to be (probably) the final episode of the podcast.

## Appearances

* Episode 53 - Lesley Clocks
* Episode 63 - Michael Banyan, Podcaster
* Jumanjaniacs Episode 2752
Episode 1 - Dr David Pin

Mike Wozniak joins in for this month’s episode in which we interview Dr David Pin from the European Space Agency and hear your letters about getting too attached to meat beasts.

## Characters

* The Host
* Dr David Pin
* Aaron Spalding from Essex
* Peter from Derbyshire
* Mr Renwick from Edinburgh
* Pete from Dorset

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* Mike Wozniak
Episode 78 - Beef Security

Mike Bubbins, Tom Bell, Amy Mason and Alasdair Satchel join in for this episode in which we respond to the alarming rise in beef burglaries in the past year.

**Sponsor**
Scottish Wine

**Characters**
Host

Keith Poggles

Eli Roberts

Janet Binum

Warren Binum (mentioned)

**Actors**
Benjamin Partridge

Mike Bubbins

Tom Bell

Amy Mason

Alasdair Satchel
Episode 87 – Squandered Inheritance

Tom Crowley, Gemma Arrowsmith and Maggie Nolan join in for this episode which investigates the growing trend for the children of farmers to give up their inheritance and leave farming behind.

## Characters

* Host
* Alan Lafrenay
* Rosemary Tongs
* Joanne Fuller

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* Tom Crowley
* Gemma Arrowsmith
* Maggie Nolan
Episode 40 - Beef Call

Max Davis, Shivani Thussu, Anna Leong Brophy and Mike Wozniak join in for this episode which is an edition of Beef Call, the Network’s weekly live quiz webstream.

**Sponsor**
Mitchell's - Grainium

**Characters**
Host

Kevin Dull

Rosemary Burns

Len Bick

7x Callers

Jessica Bowlum

Parsnip Vendercroft

**Actors**
Benjamin Partridge

Max Davis

Shivani Thussu

Anna Leong Brophy

Mike Wozniak

7x Callers

**Notes**
The phone number for Beef Call is 55105555556741555551555551655741
Dexter Whatley

Detective Chief Inspector **Dexter Whatley** is a police detective who has been involved with several cases related to the Beef and Dairy Network.

## Appearances

* Episode 32 - DCI Whatley is involved in the investigation of a murder committed by Eli Roberts in London.
* Episode 42 - DCI Whatley gives the police account of Parsnip Flendercroft's famous reverse drive across the UK.
* Episode 50 - DCI Whatley investigates a head, lungs, liver and anus discovered by a dog walker, and identified as belonging to Beef and Dairy Network founder Paul Kitesworthy.
* Episode 64 - the inspector searches for missing terrible actor Carol, mostly by attending dreadful amateur theatre productions. When a body is discovered missing its head, lungs, liver and anus, he assumes it is hers.
Episode 41 - Beefy Boy

Matt Lees and Gareth Gwynn join in for this episode, in which we visit the International Beef Library and play an original copy of the videogame Beefy Boy.

## Characters

* The Host
* Alex Neon
* Brian Legacy (aka Retro Brian)

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* Matt Lees
* Gareth Gwynn

## Notes

### References

* The International Beef Library is probably inspired by the Svalbard Global Seed Vault, a seed bank in Norway, within the Arctic circle.
* The Beef Boy is clearly a parody of the portable Nintendo game console, the Game Boy.

### Running Jokes

* When explaining why he doesn't play video games, the host says that one of his hobbies is making candles for friends.
Bovine Poet Laureate

The Bovine Poet Laureate is an official position granted by the Bovine Farmer's Union, granted to only the greatest poets in the beef world. Previously, the position has been held by poets such as David Fonstable and Henderson Crudge. Most notably the position was held by Michael Banyan before his falling out with the union following his speech at the Bovine Farmer's Union annual Beef Dinner & Barn Dance.
Paul Kitesworthy

**Paul Kitesworthy** was the founder and previous editor of the modern Beef and Dairy Network. He stepped down in 2013, but was missing, presumed dead, in 2016. Judging by the tributes that poured in after his disappearance, he was well-loved...and owed a lot of people money. In 2019 DCI Dexter Whatley investigated a head, lungs, liver and anus discovered by a dog walker which were identified as Paul's.

## Appearances

Paul Kitesworthy never appears in person.

### Mentioned

* Episode 2 - A Tribute To Paul Kitesworthy
* Episode 50 - Your Host’s Fiftieth Episode
* Episode 61 - International Beef Library
* Episode 100 - Your Host's Hundredth Episode
Milk 7000

The **Milk 7000** is a milking system produced by Mitchell's Farm Supplies.

## Sponsored Episodes

* Episode 67 - Milking Machine Misadventures

## Product Information

* Can drain a full cattle udder dry in 10 seconds, and is powerful enough to milk a whale.
* Former Mitchell's employee David Begis was accidentally killed during a milking demonstration of a narwhal for the Beef & Dairy Network.

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 Episode 67 - Milking Machine Misadventures
Episode 30 - Phillip Mushroom

Daniel Rigby joins in for this episode in which we speak to Phillip Mushroom, one of Britain’s most well loved television actors. We’re also treated to some new music from singer-songwriter Paul Paul.

**Sponsor**
Mitchell's - Boveshield Plunge

**Lyrics**
## Paul Paul's "Dairy Queen"

When I think of all the things that define me

The love of milk is one of those things

Sniff the milk, follow your nose, and you'll find me

Please be my queen and I your king

I know you could be with anybody

I never knew such grace and poise could exist

The milk cascading over your body
I see your face through the lactose mist - let's coexist

Dairy Queen, my Dairy Queen I see you churning through my dreams

I saw you in that magazine

Fill me up with butter and cream

Every morn I want to wake up and great you

A world without you fills me up with dread

But I know that I can never meet you

After all this is all in my head - And you're dead

Dairy Queen, my Dairy Queen I see you churning through my dreams

I saw you in that magazine

Fill me up with butter and cream

**Characters**
Host

Phillip Mushroom

Paul Paul

Cliff Trent-Roberts

**Actors**
Benjamin Partridge

Daniel Rigby

Rhodri Viney

Richard Elfyn

Mike Wozniak
The Host

**The host** of the Beef and Dairy Network podcast is never named, and for most of the podcast's history little is revealed about his life outside of the Network. He hosted his first episode in July 2015. As well as the podcast, he also hosts *Beef Call*, the livestreamed gameshow run by the network.

The host celebrated fifty episodes in August 2020. It was revealed in episode 57 that the host had gotten married, and has two step-children; his relationship with his wife, the children - Tilly and Davey - and their father was further revealed in episode 60.
Episode 56 - The End Of The World

Heather Anne Campbell, Nick Wiger, Sarah Campbell, Moujan Zolfaghari, Jordan Morris, Tom Neenan and Tom Crowley all join in for this episode in which we learn about the end of the world.

**Sponsor**
Mitchell's Mega Bean

**Characters**
Host

Matt Perookey

Stacey Perookey

Deborah Lazarus

Anonymous U.N. Contact

Rock Bleesdale

9x Network Members

Dr Sam Archer

**Actors**
Benjamin Partridge

Heather Anne Campbell

Nick Wiger

Sarah Campbell

Moujan Zolfaghari

Jordan Morris

Tom Neenan

Tom Crowley
Episode 31 - Redeeming Eli, Part 1

The first in a new mini-series from the Beef And Dairy Network.

“Life is a struggle, life is dog eat dog. Right? I will eat a dog. I have eaten a dog.”

**Sponsor**
Buck P. Mitchell Foundation

**Characters**
The Host

Eli Roberts

Unnamed villager (letter) and voice actor

Gwenthian Lewis

Jeff Pew

Jodie Branch

Unnamed newsreader

**Actors**
Benjamin Partridge

Mike Bubbins

Melangell Dolma

Chris Corcoran

Nadia Kamil

Rhodri Viney

Hal Lublin

Tom Crowley
Dustin France

Dustin France is an alternative comedian that was hired in 2015 as the entertainment for the British Beef Council's Annual Dinner and Barn Dance.

France claims to be an award-winning comedian, but his show was poorly received at the dinner, who was used to the comedy stylings of Cheese and Onion, and the British Beef Council refused to pay him. France threatened legal action from John Wasabi, which never materialized.

Dustin France got into comedy after seeing Cheese and Onion's comedy show circa 1987, which inspired him to get into comedy because he believed if they could do it, anyone could.
Episode 18 - Munich Special

This episode comes from Munich in Germany, where pork is king. We also pay tribute to those who have left us in 2016, including previous guest Dr David Pin.

## Characters

* Host
* Dr Thomas
* Eleanor Pin
* Dr David Pin
* Dr Peregrine Fletcher

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* Daniel Rigby
* Jessica Ransom
* Mike Wozniak
* Nadia Kamil
Episode 90 – Beef Information Centre

Josie Long, Rob Gilroy, Simon Alcock, Gemma Arrowsmith and Julisa join in this week as we find out all about the UK government’s Beef Information Centre building programme.

## Characters

* Host
* Bob Heath
* Raymond Cortley
* Teresa Beckton

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* Josie Long
* Rob Gilroy
* Simon Alcock
* Gemma Arrowsmith
* Julisa
Mike Bubbins

**Mike Bubbins** is a Welsh comedian, actor, writer and former PE teacher. He hosts *The Socially Distant Sports Bar* podcast, and the spoof supernatural investigation show *The Unexplainers* on television, radio and podcast.

*"I am a man. And when I say a man, I mean ALL man. A man’s man. A man’s man who, at the same time, is very much a woman’s man. I was born in the 1970s, halcyon days when a man could be a man. And not just a man. He could be ALL man. He could be a man’s man. And at the same time, a woman’s man."*

## Characters

* Steve Kanathon - Episode 2
* Eli Roberts - Episode 4, Episode 8, Episode 15, Episode 21, Redeeming Eli (Episodes 31, 32 and 33), Episode 38, Episode 46, Episode 51, Episode 68, Episode 78
* Winston Churchill - 75th Anniversary Special

## External links

* mikebubbins.com
* *The Unexplainers* radio series on BBC Radio Wales
* *The Unexplainers* television series on BBC Two
* distantpod.com - *The Socially Distanced Sports Bar* podcast
* @MikeBubbins on Twitter
* @theunexplainers on Twitter
* @distantpod on Twitter
Beef and Dairy Network Podcast Wiki

## Welcome to the Beef and Dairy Network Podcast Wiki

The number one Wiki for those involved, or just interested, in the production of beef animals and dairy herds.

## About the Beef and Dairy Network Podcast

A surreal comedy set in a world of 4 meats - Beef, Lamb, Pork and Chicken - but mainly discussing beef animals and dairy herds.

*"A gorgeously absurd comedy podcast by Benjamin Partridge. Played completely straight, it offers total immersion in one man's comedy world."* - The 50 best podcasts of 2016, The Guardian

*"This is a lovely, funny show." -* The Observer

*"wonderfully deadpan" -* Chortle.co.uk

*"an impressively funny program, featuring bizarrely hilarious and deadpan dispatches" -* The A.V. Club

*"Walking down the road yesterday with my headphones on, I began to smile to myself, then chuckle, and finally – stopped in my tracks by the strange sensation – I let out a long, loud hoot of laughter." -* The Telegraph

*This is a strange and hilarious podcast – if you try it for 10 minutes, you might find yourself deep in an hour later* - The Irish Times

Winner of “Best Comedy Podcast” at the British Podcast awards 2017 and 2018, and second in 2019

* Recording the opening on episode 40
1/4
Official Website

Unofficial Facebook Fan Club

Buy Merch!

TV Tropes

## Browse

Episodes

Characters

Actors

Sponsors

Pages To Do - Please browse and fill in!
Fan Club

The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is one of the few podcasts that has its own unofficial fanclub - The Beef and Dairy Network Podcast Fans!

BADNPF is The No. 1 Fan Club for those listening to - or just interested in - the production of podcasts about beef animals or dairy herds.

Here you can hear how BADNP came into being

This fan club is not supported by the Buck P Mitchell Foundation, and is - and for ever will be - non-profit and free.

We give full credit and are inspired by:

* www.beefanddairynetwork.com
* www.facebook.com/groups/maximumfun.org
* @benpartridge
* @beefanddairy
* benjaminpartridge.com

We are unofficial fans, in the best traditions of the Grobanites ("Grobanites shirky", if you don't get that reference watch this

Check out the subreddit

The unofficial Digital Planet Listeners fan club has over 9000 members and inspired this group.

In order to join the group, applicants have to display basic knowledge of the show, answering these questions:

1. Complete the sentences: "There are ... meats" and "If it's not Mitchell's"
2. Who was Les Cheese, what sort of Poet Laureate was he? (careful - trick question)
3. How did you hear about this group

New members are welcomed with ritual "mooing"

Membership is global. The mid April 2019 breakdown of members shows members from London, Glasgow, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Poland, Australia and more!
Time of the werewolf

Time of the Werewolf is a found footage horror movie about a group of friends: Wyott, Nicholas, and Riley at a halloween party that runs late as they start to wonder where their friend Rachel is. After the party starts to come to an end, a werewolf goes on a rampage, chasing Nicholas and Riley. Later Rachel is discovered and said she's hiding from Wyott who later is revealed to be the werewolf. Eventually a fight breaks out between Nicholas and Wyott as Nicholas is killed, Wyott dies too,

CAST:

Nicholas-Himself

Tucker-Wyott/The Werewolf

Laura-Riley

Emma-Rachel
Episode 58 - Organic Farming

Humphrey Ker, Margaret Cabourn-Smith, Henry Paker, Tom Crowley, Gemma Arrowsmith and Tim Bick join in as we mark International Organic Farming Week. Including a poetry exclusive from Michael Banyan.

**Sponsor**
Mitchell's Nature's Beak

International Organic Farming Week

**Characters**
Host

Roland "The Hertfordshire Turnip King" Fitzgerald

Odo Fitzgerald (mentioned)

Dr Jonathan Rainsbury

Beverley Shite

Roy Shite (mentioned)

Mrs Davis from Newcastle (letter)

Unnamed voice-over man

Michael Banyan

**Actors**
Benjamin Partridge

Humphrey Ker

Margaret Cabourn-Smith

Henry Paker

Tom Crowley

Gemma Arrowsmith

Tim Bick
Bovshield Plunge

Bovshield Plunge is an anti-microbial cattle dip produced by Mitchell's Farm Supplies.

## Sponsored Episodes

* Episode 28 - Roy Gluck Jr.
* Episode 29 - Professor Colin Plenty
* Episode 30 - Phillip Mushroom
* Episode 34 - Lucy Bonham
* Episode 35 - Professor James Harcombe
* Episode 37 - Lamb Therapy

## Product Information

* Ingredients include caustic chemicals that destroy 99% of all living things under 1m long. *(It's bleach.)*
* Also recommended for de-lousing employees, burning barnacles off of the bottom of a buoy, poisoning an enemy, or cleaning blood.
* Has been adopted by American military scientists to decontaminate old nuclear testing sites.

1. ↑ Episode 28 - Roy Gluck Jr.
2. ↑ Episode 37 - Lamb Therapy
3. ↑ Episode 29 - Professor Colin Plenty
4. ↑ Episode 30 - Phillip Mushroom
5. ↑ Episode 34 - Lucy Bonham
6. ↑ Episode 38 - Rev Hillary Block
7. ↑ Episode 35 - Professor James Harcombe
Episode 61 - International Beef Library

We’re joined by Gareth Gwynn, Mike Wozniak, Gemma Arrowsmith, Tom Crowley, Tim Bick, Pernille Haaland and Linnea Sage as we find out about the latest goings on at the International Beef Library.

## Characters

* The Host
* Unnamed News Presenter
* Alex Neon
* Bob Trescothick
* Olf Gunderson (mentioned)
* Astrid Lunn
* Graham Peterson (mentioned)
* Jemima Jones
* Unnamed Presenters x4
* Ron Bickerstaff
* Ivy Gwinn
* Jess Lord & Bagshaw the Heron
* Paul Kitesworthy (mentioned)
* Iris & Bernard

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* Gareth Gwynn
* Mike Wozniak
* Gemma Arrowsmith
* Tom Crowley
* Tim Bick
* Pernille Haaland
* Linnea Sage
Episode 77 - Marianne Angler

Nadia Kamil, Nigel Crowle, Tom Crowley, Clarissa Maycock, Mark Turetsky and many others join in for this episode in which we speak to the head of marketing for the Bovine Farmers’ Union and find out how she’s marketing beef on an intergalactic level.

**Sponsor**
Mitchell's Worm FM

**Characters**
Host

Marianne Angler

Ron Banbury

Multiple Unnamed Recordings

**Actors**
Benjamin Partridge

Nadia Kamil

Nigel Crowle

Tom Crowley

Clarissa Maycock

Mark Turetsky

Multiple Network Members
Episode 13 - Rio Special

Miles Jupp joins in with this month’s Rio special, recorded in Rio De Janeiro ahead of the Olympic games.

## Characters

* The Host
* Habertu (mentioned)
* William Hester

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* Miles Jupp
* Mariana Maioline
* Felipe Galvao
* Vanessa Del Negri
* Regina Souza
* Marina De Menezes
* Marcellus Lima
* Multiple Brazilians on the answer phone
Megabean

Megabean is a man-made bean produced by Mitchell's Farm Supplies. It is the world's first entirely man-made edible organism, and was made by splicing the DNA of cannelini beans, cave-dwelling fungus, and prehistoric dogs.

## Sponsored Episodes

* Episode 55 - Bob Trescothick
* Episode 56 - The End Of The World
* Episode 60 - Tilly and Davey

## Product Information

* The world's largest bean, a Megabean is 3 feet tall and as heavy as a canoe, weighing up to 40 pounds.
* Any hair growing on the bean is recommended to be shaved before feeding to beasts.

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 Episode 55 - Bob Trescothick
2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 Episode 56 - The End Of The World
F*fth M*at

There have been many troubling reports of a so called "F\*fth M\*at". Each report is of course a prank call, or people just trying to cause trouble. There are only 4 meats.

## Notable Mentions

First mentioned in Episode 1. Dr David Pin is asked if a F\*fth M\*at might be found on Mars, adding to the existing stock of meats: beef, lamb, pork, and chicken. Dr Pin is skeptical that the discovery of the Higgs boson particle is the discovery of a new kind of meat, but nevertheless advises that eating the particle might have health consequences.

In Episode 14 Dr David Pin calls in with news from the subsurface of Mars. He announces the possible discovery of a F\*fth M\*at but his call is - entirely coincidentally - interrupted by a gunman.

An astronaut from the European Space Agency claims to see something that looks like a F\*fth M\*at, but his testimony is unreliable as he is broadcasting from inside a meat storm. Tempted to eat the meat, he ignores basic safety procedures and removes his helmet.

In Episode 15 Audio clips are sent in from pranksters around the world, all claiming to have eaten or seen a F\*fth M\*at.

In Episode 17 a disturbed young man goes to work naked and raves about a F\*fth M\*at.

In Episode 18 Dr Thomas visits the widow of Dr David Pin. Mrs Pin finds documents pertaining to F\*fth M\*at in Dr David Pin's personal effects, leading to action and adventure galore.

In Episode 56, scientists working on The End of The World are overheard yelling "There are only four meats God damn it!"

In Episode 77, the record sent into space by the Bovine Farmers' Union contains mention of the c\*nq\*\*\*m\* v\*\*nd\* in one of the world's two languages.
Episode 19 - Michael Banyan

Henry Paker joins in for this episode which features an interview with bovine poet laureate Michael Banyan. We also hear some of your e-mails on the topic of cows’ eyes.

## Characters

* Host
* Michael Banyan
* Alan from St Brides (letter)
* Jill from Benfleet (letter)
* Gemma from Plymouth (letter)
* Julie from Ruislip

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* Henry Paker
* Beth Eyre
* Lid Licker poem by Rob Auton
PODSTRIKE - Gary Burglar from Mitchell's Europe

Beef And Dairy Network Podcast is supporting the global climate strike on Friday 20th September 2019, organised by Greta Thunberg and the UK Student Climate Network.

We speak to Gary Burglar, head of sales at Mitchell's Europe, about an exclusive discount offer for Network members.

Thanks to Tom Neenan.

Find out more at https://globalclimatestrike.net

**Sponsor**
None

**Characters**
Host

Gary Burglar

**Actors**
Benjamin Partridge

Tom Neenan
Mike Wozniak

**Mike Wozniak** is a British comedian, writer and actor.

He is best known for portraying Brian in the Channel 4 sitcom *Man Down* and as a member of the team that make *Small Scenes* for BBC Radio 4. In 2015 he wrote a physical comedy starring Kim Cattrall and a troupe of acrobats entitled *Ruby Robinson* for SKY Arts. In 2016 he played the role of Josh in Alice Lowe's *Prevenge*.

## Characters

* Dr David Pin - Episode 1, Episode 14 and Episode 18
* Lesley Peters - Episode 2
* Dustin France - Episode 5
* Philip Moonroom - Episode 6
* Basil Lamplighter - Episode 7
* Cliff Trent-Roberts - Episode 11, Episode 27 and Episode 30
* Jim Crayfish - Episode 16
* Lesley Sunrider - Episode 22
* Alan Trucks - Episode 27
* Big John - Episode 27
* Detective Chief Inspector Dexter Whatley - Episode 32, Episode 42 and Episode 50
* Bob Trescothick - Episode 36, Episode 39, Episode 51, Episode 55, Episode 61, Episode 65, Episode 70, Episode 74, Episode 75, Episode 82, Episode 83, Episode 88
* Mark/Graham - Episode 39
* Brian - Episode 39
* Kevin Dull - Episode 40 and Episode 59
* Runyon Cradge - Episode 44
Episode 15 - Eli Roberts Goes Legit

Mike Bubbins joins us for this month’s episode in which we hear how Eli Roberts has started a new business.

## Characters

* Host
* Eli Roberts
* Unknown caller x6
* Fred in Chicago

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* Mike Bubbins
* Sarah Morgan
* Tonya Prewitt
* Randall Cooper
* Jamie Bradley
* James Garrison
* Nathaniel Metcalfe
* Fred Nickl
Episode 100 – Your Host’s Hundredth Episode

Mike Wozniak, Susan Harrison, Tom Crowley, Gemma Arrowsmith and Lucy Farrett join in this month as your host celebrates his hundredth episode.

## Characters

* Host
* Paul Kitesworthy (mentioned)
* Producer ~~Beverly~~ Kyla
* Angela Merkel (mentioned)
* Basil Kitesworthy
* DCI Dexter Whatley
* Raven Moon
* Janet Bingham, mother of Warren
* Rev. Hillary Block
* Teresa Beckton
* Paula Yorke
* Melanie Handcatch
* Ted Danson (mentioned)
* Kenny Baritone
* Host's Wife (mentioned)
* Bruce Springsteen (mentioned)
* Jamie Oliver (mentioned)
* BIMPSIE

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* Mike Wozniak
* Tom Crowley
* Gemma Arrowsmith
* Susan Harrison
* Lucy Farrett
* Amy Mason
* Matthew Crosby
* Josie Long
* Stevie Martin
* Natasha Hodgson
* Chris Cantrill
Parsnip Flendercroft

Parsnip Flendercroft was the former bursar of the Bovine Farmer's Union, a position that made him renowned in the field of Beef Accountancy, according to his wife, Barbara Flendercroft. Flendercroft was described by Michael Banyan as doing "his usual thing, which was to close his eyes and scream" in response to teasing from emcee Michael Hedgecliff at the Bovine Farmer's Union Beef Dinner & Barn Dance. He was also was one of the chief drivers of the organization's targeting of Banyan following the event, until the events of special documentary Episode 42 - The Ballad of Parsnip Flendercroft, after which Banyan creates the titular poem in his honor.
Episode 50 - Your Host’s Fiftieth Episode

Mike Wozniak, Tom Crowley and Sian Harries join in for this episode which mark’s your host’s fiftieth in the host’s chair.

## Characters

* The Host
* Paul Kitesworthy (mentioned)
* Paul's Brother (unnamed)
* DCI Dexter Whatley
* Unnamed woman and her dog Timothy
* Multiple unnamed callers

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* Mike Wozniak
* Tom Crowley
* Sian Harries
Sid Onion

**Sid Onion** is half of the comedy duo Cheese and Onion, along with longtime comedy partner Les Cheese. Since 2014, Sid has been imprisoned in Turkey for a variety of offences including smuggling beef.

## Appearances

### Mentions

* Episode 5 - Dustin France
* Episode 16 - Live At The London Agriculture Festival
* Episode 27 - Live At The British Beefmen’s Luncheon
* Episode 92 - Pam Onion
Episode 14 - A Matter Of Life And Death

In this month’s episode we hear a strange message received on the Network answerphone.

## Characters

* The Host
* Sam from Durham (letter)
* Ronny from Glasgow (letter)
* Neville from Southend (letter)
* Danielle
* Dr David Pin
* Unnamed Astronaut
* Edythe
* Peter Carter
* Unnamed Religious Figure
* Unnamed Woman

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* Gemma Arrowsmith
* Mike Wozniak
* Tom Crowley
* Nadia Kamil
Episode 25 - Les Cheese’s Heart

Tom Neenan and Tom Crowley join in for this episode in which we speak to Dr Sam Archer about why the National Health Service is refusing to treat Les Cheese after his double heart attack.

## Characters

* The Host
* Les Cheese (mentioned)
* Dr Sam Archer
* Darrell Skip (mentioned)
* Julian Alderman
* Dr Valdese (mentioned)
* Gabriel Monk (letter)

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* Tom Neenan
* Tom Crowley
Freya Parker

Freya Parker is an actor, writer and comedian. Along with Celeste Dring, Parker is half of the comedy duo Lazy Susan.

### Characters

**Episode 42 - The Ballad Of Parsnip Flendercroft**

* Barbara Flendercroft

**Episode 45 - Buying A Bull**

* Alice Bates

**Episode 53 - Lesley Clocks**

* Lesley Clocks

### References

1. ↑ https://www.freyaparker.com/about
2. ↑ https://www.lazysusancomedy.com/
Episode 27 - Live At The British Beefmen’s Luncheon

Mike Wozniak, Nadia Kamil, Henry Paker and Dave Cribb join in for this month’s episode which is an edited recording of a live show performed at the annual British Beefmen’s Luncheon at the London Agriculture Festival.

## Characters

* The Host
* Alan Trucks from Portsmouth (letter)
* Julie in Southampton (letter)
* Tim Bowl (letter)
* Cliff Trent-Roberts
* Christopher Onion
* Pam Onion
* Richard B. Sausages/Picasso Ali
* Big John
* Brian Tollbooth

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* Mike Wozniak
* Nadia Kamil
* Henry Paker
* Dave Cribb

## Lyrics

### Beef is a Promise

Beef is a promise, a promise that’s never broke

Beef is confusing like a child telling you a joke

Beef is a feeling like a letter from a long lost friend

Beef is a miracle like a successful stag weekend

These four walls, no beeves in sight

This old man never giving up the fight

They can take away my liberty but they can’t take away my dreams

They can apply electric shocks to my balls

But they can’t take away my memories of beef

Beef is a promise, a promise to you and me

Beef is a choir that sings in harmony

Beef is a concept that we just can’t comprehend

Beef is a sunset that never has to end

These steel bars, no beeves in weeks

My poor soul, I feel like a freak

They can take away my liberty but they can’t take away my dreams

They can stick a power drill up my ass but they can’t take away my memories of beef

These cold nights, no beeves in years

I’d love to use a steak to wipe away my tears

They can take away my liberty but they can’t take away my dreams

They can slam my dick in the door of a van

But they can’t take away my memories of beef

Come with me to a land of beef

In my dreams I find sweet relief

Come with me where the sky is beef

And the ground is beef

And the people are beef

And the wind is beef

And the stars are beef

And the flowers are beef

And the cars are beef

And the roads are beef

And the cliffs are beef

And the sea is beef

And the trees are beef

And the wind is beef

And the moon is beef

And the grass is beef

And the rain is beef

And the beef is also beef

Come with me to a land of beef

In my dreams I find sweet relief.

## Trivia

* Mitchell’s hold a live family show every afternoon at the Kentucky Pellet Mill, including a rendition of Stanley Kubrick’s *Full Metal Jacket* by their mascots, Alma the Steel Hoof Heifer and Snouty, the Grazex Pig.
Cliff Trent-Roberts

**Cliff Trent-Roberts** is a celebrity chef, known from his TV appearances as “Mr. Beef”. He is perhaps best known for his creation of the “beef hat”.

## Appearances

* Episode 11 - Cliff cooks live on the podcast, taking the challenge of cooking chicken.
* Episode 27 - Cliff is a guest at the annual British Beefman’s Luncheon at the London Agriculture Festival.
* Episode 30 - Cliff appears at the end to give his three top tips for how to have the perfect Christmas.
Paul Paul

Paul Paul is a folk musician and troubadour. Born to a milkmaid and left in a butter churn as a child, Paul Paul's beef and dairy themed music is sometimes featured on the podcast.

## Works

* *Taste the Cream*
* *Butter Making*
* *Dairy Queen*
* *The Beefhead Comes This Night*
* *Cold Coffee and Hot Piss* from Mitchell's Records

1. ↑ Episode 6 - The Cumberfeld Cow Disaster & Paul Paul
2. ↑ Episode 12 - Timothy Van Lindqvist & Paul Paul
3. ↑ Episode 30 - Phillip Mushroom
4. ↑ Episode 54 – Beefhead Day
5. ↑ Episode 59 - New Beef Call Number