Carl Azuz Pun Database

## Introduction

Since Carl Azuz has mysteriously disappeared and been replaced with Coy Wire, I will try to list all of his puns, ever, since 2009. The puns are bolded, context is not. If a day is not listed, it doesn't have a pun.

## 2009

### January

#### January 5th-8th

January 6th:

Before we go, just taking a little spin in my weekend car. OK, not really; Ferraris cost more than my house. But believe it or not, sales are smokin', even as the country **idles** in the pit of recession! A Tampa Bay dealership that opened just a few weeks ago is scrambling just to keep them on the showroom floor, even with the starting line price at $100,000! **What a lot of folks would call "wheel" expensive.** We will "**weturn**" tomorrow with more CNN Student News!

January 8th:

(On the New York New Year Ball)

Apparently, the idea here is to turn the kaleidoscopic countdown contraption into a tourist attraction and leave it lighting up the sky all year long. **So that everyone who comes to New York is guaranteed to have a ball.**

January 9th

Next up, a foray into famous fromage. Behold, the power of cheese, especially when it's named after the president-elect! A hunk of "Barick Obama" may be expensive, but you can't put a price tag on a good political pun, certainly not when it's about the **commander in cheese**. **OK, we're spreading it on a little thick, but at least this time we can admit we're being cheesy.**

#### January 12th-16th

January 12th

Among the boxes scattered around Bernice and her husband Al's antique store, the couple recently made a truly rare find: a baseball card, the first one ever made. Originally, they put it up on eBay for about ten bucks. But they decided to cancel that and hold off for a while once experts told them the card could be auctioned for about six figures. **Making this a real baseball diamond in the rough. Swing and a miss!**

January 14th

No pun, but memorable quote: "Carl's hips don't lie. Shakira's do."

January 16th

Before we go, a small look at a **monumental moment**. The country's capital is preparing for President-elect Obama to step up to the podium, all two inches of him. This miniature first family is taking part in its own inauguration, one made entirely out of Legos! Master builders are recreating the event at California's LegoLand, complete with famous monuments and massive crowds. The Capitol Building alone took 1,200 hours and more than 380,000 bricks to build. **But it makes for one heck of a block party!**

#### January 20th-23rd

January 20th

Don't you just hate it when you're trying to get in a workout and some guy jumps on your back? Actually, that's the point at GymBox. The facility has replaced some of its weights with people! The human helpers range from 66 to 341 pounds. The owner came up with the idea to help customers visualize what they're lifting. **Just one more way for folks to watch their weight.**

January 21st

And today, we'll leave you with images that President Obama himself will never forget: the day he became the 44th president of more than 303 million Americans. From here on out, you'll hear us say "President Obama;" no more "president-elect." We hope you **elect** to check out CNN Student News again tomorrow, and enjoy the rest of your day.

January 22nd

As he left Washington on Tuesday, the newly former President Bush looked out from his Marine helicopter at the U.S. Capitol. It's hard to say what he was thinking about, but maybe he shared some of those thoughts with his successor. In a White House tradition, the outgoing president left a note for the incoming leader in the Oval Office. What did it say? Only two men know. Well, it is a job that comes with a lot of state secrets. **It's no secret that we'll be back tomorrow**. We hope to see you then!

January 23rd

Forget about what the Obamas were wearing on Inauguration Day. We wanna know what they were eating, and if it included any edible Obama indulgences offered amid inauguration enthusiasm! **That's a mouthful, and so are these cookies**: iced with an edible, executive image, even infantile eaters enjoyed an allotment!

WOMAN: We worked 24 hours a day for two days.

AZUZ: ...So they could stay fresh for the fresh new leader. Well, **if you're more into image, these cookies actually come with a presidential picture**, also, they say, safe for the stomach. But if it seems like a compliment to have your face on a cookie, consider this: someone would bite off your head. Still flattered? Either way, you're gonna need something to wash it down. And not to be outdone by its cookie counterparts, we give you "Barack-O-berry" soda.

MAN ON THE STREET: It symbolizes change. It has a different taste, a different flavor.

AZUZ: Hmmm, "different." But does that mean it's good? **Winning the election was probably pretty sweet, but this commemorative cola's supposedly even sweeter.**

ROB METZ, OWNER, AVERY SODAS: Mister Obama happened to be on vacation in Hawaii at the time. We said, "Let's add some pineapple to the blue raspberry just for his Hawaiian heritage."

AZUZ: **Whether you'd go for it, or if you would've preferred a sample of John McCream, this trip Off the Beaten Path has fizzled out. A lot to digest there.** You guys have a great weekend. I'm Carl Azuz.

#### January 26th-30th

January 26th

Before we go, a **frosty** response to one student's promotional skills, which is exactly what he was hoping for. The University of Wisconsin campus broke out in an airborne display of frigid fun this weekend when hundreds of students showed up to square off in a massive snowball fight. The **flurry-ous** activity didn't break any world records, but the organizer guesses about 2,000 people turned out to participate, all from seeing his ad on Facebook. **The impact of these social networking sites has really snowballed!**

January 27th

And finally today, **look what came in with the tide: wood!** About 1,500 tons of it. The lost lumber came from a Russian cargo ship and washed up on the British coast. According to the law, it's OK to cart off the treasure trove of timber, as long as you report how much you take. But you can't do anything with it for a year, just in case the original owner shows up and wants it back. **A real stake in the heart** to any **wood-be** British builders in the crowd**.**

January 28th

That uniform makes a little more sense when you're facing off against an eight-foot alligator. Trappers spent a couple hours trying to coax him out of that sewer drain. They even played music to try and sooth the savage beast. But before he budged, they had to take off. Turns out another gator was spotted in a nearby canal. **Man, talk about being swamped.**

January 29th

Before we go, a leisurely cruise down the Saint Lawrence River. OK, this is a little more leisurely than the passengers were probably expecting. But that's what happens when your ship gets stuck in ice. It didn't turn into **a titanic mishap**, thankfully. Coast Guard ships showed up to help **crack the case** **open**. And everyone on board had 24 hours to sit around and get to know one another. **Hope they had some good ice breakers**. Okay. Well that goes out to all of you who were saying last week that we were lacking the puns - we brought 'em back for you!

January 30th

And finally, **dashing through the snow on a one-cat open sleigh**. This furry feline looks to be having a good time, making paw prints in the snow and enjoying the offer of a snack from this nice young lady. Wait a minute, what's going on here? Kitty did not sign up for this! But she takes the sled ride in stride. She takes a second to gather her courage and then actually heads back up the hill for another run. Why not? **She has at least eight more lives to spare. Not a second more to spare for today's show though.** You guys have a great weekend. I'm Carl Azuz.

### February

#### February 2nd-6th

February 4th

A Minnesota man **gets a running start** on his birthday. On second thought, maybe it's more of a walk. But you have to pace yourself when you're spending 24 hours straight on a treadmill! B.J. Van Beusekom decided to celebrate his 30th and raise some money for charity with this extended workout. Yeah, that definitely beats cake. But he did get one present when his 80-mile journey came to an end. **Somewhere to sit down. Well, like him, we're gonna take a hike**.

February 5th

Manatee insanity in parts of southern Florida! About a hundred of these suckers showed up recently at a power plant in the Sunshine State. The sea cows need warm water to survive, so they migrate to spots like this in the winter. That's because when the plant is finished with the water it uses for its cooling system, it kicks it out slightly warmer than before. So basically, this is like a manatee hot tub. Having to share a hot tub with a hundred other people? Oh, the humanity! This show is all washed up. We'll see you again tomorrow.

February 6th

A California construction worker strikes gold, archaeologically speaking. What he actually struck was tusk, an eight-foot one from an ancient mammoth. Scientists think this thing roamed the earth about half a million years ago. These days he's just taking a dirt nap. So, what about the rest of the bygone beast? The first discovery was followed when experts unearthed its skull and bones. Although it will take a while to get them out of the ground. **But they are putting in a mammoth effort.**

#### February 9th-13th

February 9th

We're bringing you the next big thing in yoga. The centuries-old practice includes poses like the cobra, the cat and downward dog. But there's a new animal on the scene: the beluga whale! The Georgia Aquarium is giving students the chance to stretch in front of the great white whales. Although if you ask me, it looks like they're just floating through the class. Instructors say the whales' energy fits in perfectly with yoga's slow and smooth exercises. **And they certainly are experienced at making fluid movements. That poses the end of today's show.**

February 10th

And finally today, you **guitar heroes** out there know that it takes some shredding to unleash your inner rock legend. Well, there's this one young musical master out there who has you and me and everyone else on the planet beat. [NON CARL VIDEO] Danny actually broke his controller while he was setting that world record! **Must have been on a power chord**.

February 11th

Before we go, a charity event that really **brings in the dough**. These rambunctious runners are helping raise thousands of dollars for the North Carolina Children's Hospital. But there's a catch to this four-mile jog: the pit stop. Did you know this thing is called the Krispy Kreme Challenge? And that runners have to down a dozen doughnuts halfway through the race? Hopefully they keep them down! Cameron Dorn is the name of the person who won the annual event in just under 30 minutes. **You know that was one sweet victory**.

February 12th

The post office is unveiling some new President Lincoln stamps, so old Abe went down to check them out! Probably wanted to make sure they got his good side. No special treatment for the birthday boy, though. He had to stand in line just like everyone else. Ok, this not-so-honest Abe is actually just a stamp collector. But he also happens to be a big fan of the former president. **So he figured it was the perfect moment for linkin' his hobbies together.**

#### February 16th-20th

February 17th

Eddie Garcia was just trying to cover a race on Sunday morning when he caught fire in the sky! What looks like a rare, daylight meteor was accompanied by sonic booms; that's what happens when something exceeds the speed of sound. Some thought it could've been what was left of two satellites that collided last week, but officials nixed that theory. **So you'll have to decide for yourself whether it's something meatier than a meteor.**

February 18th

An efficient answer to prolonged puckering. The sign says it all: no kissing! A British train station was getting sick of extended smoochers blocking other passengers from getting into the building, so **it laid the smack down**! A quick handshake, and then you're on your way. And if anyone insists on locking lips to say goodbye, well, they just have to do it in a designated kissing zone. **And they better not give the authorities any lip!**

February 19th

**A story you can really sink your teeth into**. You're looking at about 20 tons of ground beef, literally! Thousands of burgers spilled across this Utah interstate Tuesday morning when a truck that was transporting the patties crashed. Sadly, no signs of a nearby ketchup spill. The hamburger holdup lasted for a few hours, because authorities had to chuck the mounds of meat before they could remove the truck. **Whoever had that cleanup assignment really got a raw deal.** We'll be back tomorrow to **serve up** our last show of the week.

February 20th

And finally, about that double-dose of President Obama we mentioned? Here's the other half, appearing at a charity event in California. OK, he's not the real deal. But this impressive impersonator is more than happy to pretend. Reggie Brown is his real name. He says he's working on perfecting the president's look, but he's already good enough to make some Marines who were at this event do a double-take. **A little more practice, Reggie could have a full-time gig as the commander-in-cheat!**

#### February 23rd-27th

February 23rd

A renowned scientist helps study feelings. It is said that the eyes are the windows to the soul, even on a robot! This mechanical mimic you're about to see, does he ring any bells? It's not Mark Twain. It's famous physicist Albert Einstein, and researchers are using his familiar face to study our emotions. He's designed to read facial expressions and react accordingly. Researchers say it works perfectly, even if it does look kind of creepy. So, how much does it really look like Einstein? **We have some theories, but it's probably all relative.**

February 25th

Some politicians who are **real flip-floppers**. Of course, that's what these guys are supposed to be doing, at least during the British Parliament's annual pancake race. The event **cooks up competition** between government officials and journalists. And yes, it looks like they're required to wear those awesome hats and aprons. But the trickiest part is probably trying to hang on to those pancakes as you race around the course. **Yet another reason why it's important to have a balanced breakfast.** Oh, that was painful. We'll be **cooking up** another show tomorrow.

February 26th

Looks like you can **teach an old dog new tricks**, like how to ride a bike! Apparently, someone recorded this pedaling pooch for a Japanese TV show. But he became an online sensation when the video hit YouTube. We don't even need a joke here; this is just really cool to watch! Of course, he doesn't have to balance the bike -- note the training wheels -- but he's doing the rest of the work on his own. **Which is pretty doggone impressive**.

February 27th

This 70-year-old used her frying pan to fight off four would-be robbers! They fled pretty fast when she **creamed** one with her cookware, and they were arrested after making off with just ten bucks. **Guess that whole robbery idea didn't really pan out**.

### March

#### March 2nd-6th

March 2nd

The curious case of a peculiar creature. It's actually a cat whose name is, I swear I'm not making this up, Ugly. You've probably noticed that the furry feline is, well, not really so furry. In fact, he's hairless everywhere except for that massive mane on his chest. The doctor's office where he hangs out says **Ugly has a beautiful personality. With looks like that, he'd better.**

March 3rd

**Check out this fancy home in the hills. And we mean in the hills.** They built this sucker inside of a cave! But the family isn't roughing it. Gourmet kitchen, luxury bathroom, three bedrooms. The only problem? They're facing foreclosure! They're hoping to **carve out some cash** by selling the house, cave and all, on eBay. The minimum bid is $300,000! Hopefully, the cave dwellers can raise enough money in time. **Otherwise, they might really find themselves between a rock and a hard place.**

March 4th

More than 20,000 people have signed up for Hatch's no cussing challenge. So we're curious: Do you think you could do it? Could you follow in the footsteps of President Hayes and put aside the profanity? Head to our blog at CNN Student News.com and tell us what you think. **But please remember to keep it clean.**

And finally today, we're taking a little dash through the snow. And they're off! But there's a twist to this frigid footrace. There it is! Some of Santa's helpers showed up for this running of the reindeer, and left the competition in the dust, by the looks of it. Except for one guy coming up here who needed a little coaxing to make his way down the course, and then got turned around entirely. **Maybe he just didn't want to play in any reindeer games. We're gonna hoof it on out of here.**

March 5th

Well, **we've cooked up** one more story before we go today. Things are **really popping** in one Iowa town. That's because Sac City wants to reclaim its crown as the home of the world's biggest popcorn ball! It's held the title twice previously. They could have tried **buttering up** the judges, but instead, about 100 people got to work **cooking up** this 5,000 pound pile of popcorn. That's more than two pounds for every person who lives in Sac City. We tried to come up with some **corny** puns here, **but none of them really popped**.

March 6th

This deer broke into First Flight Middle School recently, and then **just broke into flight** down the hallway. The speedy scene was caught on security camera. And what's awesome is that Mrs. Blackstock submitted it as an iReport specifically because her students thought it would make a great Before We Go. **We "deer" say that they were right.**

#### March 9th-13th

March 9th

(In response to a story about a bank robber that Carl didn't tell)

**That robs us of all our time for today.**

March 11th

Luckily, everyone got out in time. But there was nothing anyone could do about the invading ice, which was advancing about 20 feet every half hour. **Must have been a chilling scene. That puts today's show on ice.**

March 12th

**A shopping run that really gets the fur flying.** Did your mom ever tell you not to leave the door wide open? Well, this is why! These devious deer darted inside a convenience store in Pennsylvania and **went wild on the place**! The clerks ran for cover and gave the animals free reign to roam about. In this kind of economy, you can't afford to turn away any customers. **Even if they're completely deer-ranged**.

March 13th

A lot of restaurants use gimmicks to goad you inside. This place **has gone down the tubes**. "Modern Toilet" isn't a bathroom, though it has all the fixtures. It's a place where you can **relieve** your urge to eat, assuming you still have it when your food is served **in a bowl. That kind.** A manager of the Taiwanese restaurant chain says it's "supposed to shock and confuse the senses." Mission accomplished. Consider the seats. Consider the drinking receptacles. But the food? Well, customers say the "aroma is appetizing," even if **the presentation is in the can.**

Now, here's a presentation of sheer endurance... or insanity. What looks like a few friendly folks floundering has a really cool twist. Notice the coats on the onlookers. Notice the crust on the water. **That's ice, ice, baby!** These brave bathers aren't just raising their risk of hypothermia; they're raising funds for charity **just by chillin'**! Makes for a cool conclusion to this trip Off the Beaten Path! **We would have told you more about that toilet-themed restaurant, but we didn't have time to flush out all the details.**

#### March 16th-20th

March 18th

It's the Saint Patrick's Day Sandwich Slamm, where competitors cram their craws with corned beef on rye. The winner took home $5,000 -- along with the world's worst case of heartburn -- after putting down an amazing 16 and three-quarters sandwiches in just 10 minutes. **That's enough to make anyone turn green. We'll let you chew on that one for a while.**

March 19th

That roller-coaster ride that Wall Street's been on? **One Seattle restaurant is eating it up, and so are its customers**! The price of the Bell Ringing Blue Plate special is based on where the Dow Jones Industrial Average ends the day. For example, yesterday it closed at about 7,500, which means dinner cost $7.50. So, a bad day for the Dow is a good deal for diners. Any chance this continues if the economy recovers? **It's possible, but we Dow-t it.**

#### March 23rd-27th

March 23rd

When one gallery offered up a complete skeleton of a 150 million-year-old Dryosaurus, it estimated the bones might bring in bids of up to half a million bucks! Turns out the gallery might have been setting its sights a little bit too high, since the **dried up dino** didn't even sell! **You might just say that the offers for it were extinct. Going once, going twice, we're gone!**

March 24th

We are bringing you a unique scene from a store in Texas. Of course, it's only unique if you don't shop at the same places as this horse. Believe it or not, Trixie is actually trained to amble up and down the aisles. You see, Tabitha -- the human, the one doing the shopping -- is a horse trainer who happens to be legally blind. So, she relies on her animal assistant to help get around town. **That is where we ride off into the sunset today.**

March 27th

A group of students are on track for a world record thanks to this pile of pennies. They laid the loot out in a 100-mile-long chain around a racetrack this week, and in order to get the record, every penny has to touch the one next to it. It took about 8.5 million coins to complete the task, making this project worth nearly $85,000! The money will go toward an after-school program. **A student project that ends up helping schools? That makes a lot of cents.**

#### March 30th-31st

March 30th

**An illuminating idea** to raise awareness about climate change. You're looking at the bright lights of New York's Times Square. But this is what they looked like for an hour on Saturday during an international event called Earth Hour. Even the Empire State Building extinguished its lights as part of the event. Similar scenes from cities around the world, like San Francisco's City Hall, as millions of people took part in the global lights-out. **Sounds like a bright idea. That's where we dim the lights on today's show.**

March 31st

A story about candy? **You know that's going to be sweet**! Of course today, chocolate is available everywhere, and everyone wants some. That's why chocolate makers are **living the sweet life**, even in the middle of a seriously slumping economy. Candy companies stayed in business during the Great Depression, and the current economy doesn't seem to be putting a damper on sales, either. Alina Cho has the **delicious details** behind the booming business.

### April

#### April 1st-3rd

April 1st

Mascots actually have to learn how to whip a crowd into a frenzy, which apparently involves shaking a tail feather or two. We won't make any opinions about who's the best mascot. And besides, **we wouldn't want it to give any of them a big head.**

April 2nd

It's not exactly a place for salad and asparagus, but then you don't expect food at a ballpark to be all that healthy. This however is **a whole new ball game.** Feast your eyes on the fifth-third burger. Four pounds of patties, five slices of cheese, a cup of chili, and a heaping helping of salsa and corn chips. Because why would you want to eat chips with your burger, when you can eat them on your burger? Sure, it costs about $20. But for all that food, **you really can't have a beef with the price.**

April 3rd

A wedding proposal. She said yes, so why does this guy look so freaked out? Because he dropped the ring off the Brooklyn Bridge! When he tried to retrieve it, he got stopped by police for running into traffic! They even put him in the back of a patrol car. Luckily, the police let him go, he found the ring, and this story has a happy ending. **The poor guy just had to go through the ringer to get there. We propose that you guys have a great weekend.**

#### April 6-10th

April 6th

There are people who'll tell you that duct tape can fix anything. *Don't let them work on your car*. But do consider this: fixing up for the prom, with a dress painstakingly tailored entirely from tape! Our affiliate KTXA in Dallas, Fort-Worth Texas brought us a story of **a truly lasting bond**. **And we have a feeling these two will definitely stick together. Yeah, it's painful, but probably not as painful as changing clothes would be!**

April 7th

Need to take out a little recession aggression? Don't take a nap. Take a swing! That's what hundreds of New Yorkers did last weekend, in a commotive commemoration, of World Pillow Fight Day! Who cares about economic bears? **If you can't beat the market, beat someone with a pillow!** And they weren't alone. Here's the mayhem from Massachusetts! It's one of the only fights where you can't get busted, or busted up. **Though it's guaranteed, to ruffle some feathers! That's where we turn out the lights!**

April 8th

When does someone's birthday top a world record? When the birthday is a world record! The woman at the middle of this celebration is Gertrude Baines. So, what's so special about her big day? Oh, she just happens to be older than every other person on the entire planet! She earned that title back in January, but this week, Gertrude turned 115! Which means the record books need some rewriting. **If she keeps this up, she might need to hire an age-nt**

(She didn't keep it up, she died shortly afterwards)

April 9th

Check out one of the rarest gems in the world. Now, when you see a precious stone that's red, you might automatically think it's a ruby. Wrong! You're actually gazing at a red diamond, one of only three in the entire world. The stone was bought for just $40 when it was discovered in 1926. Today, it'll cost you a quarter of that just to look at it while it's on display. Or you can just see it for free on our show. **One story that truly rocks!**

April 10th

**Some people might make fun of a candy-based collection, but you won't hear a Peep out of us!**

#### April 13-17th

April 14th

This show is about to go **completely downhill. Kind of like these guys**! Of course, they had to provide their own transportation to do it. It's San Francisco's annual "Bring Your Own Big Wheel" race! The crowds came out to watch these drivers show off their skills, or whatever this is, as they barreled down the street on the tiny toy trikes, or just barreled over backwards. A lack of permits nearly **stalled** this year's race. **But city officials stepped in to make sure the wheels didn't come off.**

April 15th

Some car dealers offer all sorts of incentives. For example, if you buy this vehicle, you'll get a free gator! Convincing him to come out from underneath the car is up to you. Although by the looks of this, you might want to leave that to the professionals. They showed up to escort the unwanted visitor away -- watch that tail; you'll wreck the paint job! -- and took him off the premises.

**See ya later, alligator.**

CNN STUDENT NEWS ASSOCIATE PRODUCER (OFF CAMERA): **After while, crocodile!**

April 16th

(After a video of someone in a singing contest)

Awesome performance! We figured Susan could help us end the show **on a high note**.

April 17th

But the turkeys weren't turning tail. And while the Postal Service trains its employees to deal with dogs, there's nothing about taking on turkeys. So, the postman in this town walks softly, carries a big stick, and looks forward to Thanksgiving. That **gobbles up** another report from Off the Beaten Path!

**Being barricaded by belligerent birds? That's just fowl.**

#### April 20-24th

April 20th

A convenience store customer **conveniently** comes to the rescue. At first, the guy you saw looked like he's shopping for something to snack on. You can see now, that is not the case. He was craving what was in the cash register. But the guy in the back steps up from the booth, leaps into action, you don't want to see that coming at you. Heb grabbed a stepstool and wailed on the would-be robber. The guy got away, but not without suffering some serious punishment and dropping some cash on his way out the door. **All thanks to a customer who really stepped up!**

April 21st

Another story we refuse to **keep under wraps**. **Mum's the word** about this medical procedure, where researchers checked in a 2,000 year old patient! They're actually running it through a CT scan, which is kind of like an x-ray, to see what they can learn about the ancient mummy. Yup, still dead. Scientists are hoping that the present technology will unlock keys to these past lives. Let's hope it works. **Because we wouldn't want them to run crying home to their mummies.**

April 23rd

It's been said that all the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players. *Forsooth*, this be the gent that penned the phrase! The noble bard, whose name you know: Shakespeare! His work for centuries has been revered. And so, on this, the day that marks his birth, Mayor Daley of Chicago proves his worth by asking all that speaketh in the land to do so in the words of this great man. **You may say it's just sound and fury signifying nothing, but methinks thou doth protest too much. Parting is such sweet sorrow that we shan't say "so long." We'll just see you tomorrow**.

April 24th

Some clothes can cost you a pretty penny. This one will run you about 10 million of them. It is the world's most expensive suit. Price tag: around $100,000! It's made from gold and platinum threads, rare silks and wool, and of course, diamond buttons in gold settings. Although the tie isn't included, so you'll need to save up for that. Hands off, mister reporter, this suit is fit for a king. **And it offers a tailor-made ending to today's show.** We hope that pun was **suitable.**

#### April 27-May 1st

April 27th

Some security camera footage that's **un-bull-lievable**. Just your standard day at the grocery store, until this beast barrels his way down the aisle. First, it looks like he **had a beef** with the butcher. Then the bull's owner enters the fray before quickly **turning tail**. Probably a good idea as you see right here. Here's one question though: If you escape from a cattle market, why would your first stop be a super market? **Maybe he just couldn't find the closest china shop**. Luckily, no one was hurt, they just **got a bit bullied**.

April 28th

To be honest with you, we were **striking out on ideas** for today's Before We Go segment until we heard Mackenzie Brown was doing the same thing! Striking out. When the 12-year-old little leaguer took the mound last week, she struck out 18 batters, making her the first female in the history of her city's little league to pitch a perfect game. Word of her skills spread fast. A few days later, Mackenzie got called up to the majors! And by that we mean she got to throw out the first pitch at a Mets game. That's where we wrap up today's show. **We'll take the field again tomorrow.**

April 29th

A competitive sport that **might be a real snooze**. On your mark, get set, sleep! The goal of a bed race isn't to catch some z's. In truth, this annual, under-covers event seems to **awaken** racers' competitive spirit. Of course, if the idea of flying around a track **gives you nightmares**, too bad! Once you've made your bed, you have to race in it. It looks like everyone's having fun. **But we wouldn't want to make any blanket statements.**

April 30th

One man's home in Buckley, Washington includes an interesting view... of this! It's an emu, and it ain't his! But it sort of is now. The bird popped up in his backyard and won't go away. He called animal control, but they don't deal with emus. While he was searching for the original owner, the flightless feathered friend freaked out a neighbor, so she called the cops. Turns out they won't touch the enormous animal either. **Seems like this thing is just emu-ne** (immune) **to authorities**. Yeah, okay. Go ahead, boo. **You're just giving us more emu-nition** (Ammunition). For CNN Student News, I'm in pain.

### May

May 1st

A lost-and-found tale that **will blow you away**, kind of like what happened to this little lady! She was out with her owners last weekend, when powerful winds literally swept her up and flung her into the woods. That's what you get for owning a five pound dog. We're just kidding. Incredibly, Tinkerbelle, as her name is, was not hurt. Although it did take a couple days to find her. **We're just glad Tinkerbelle's story has a fairy tail ending**.

#### May 4-8th

May 4th

They want Elise to grow up as an ordinary, happy child.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

An ordinary, happy, incredibly brilliant child. **We're sure that's what they Mensa**. (This might be the worst pun Carl Azuz has ever made)

May 5th

How do you really **drive home the point** of a senior prank? Well, you can always park your car around the flagpole. And we mean around the flagpole! These seniors actually cut out part of the car so they could slide it around the pole, then welded the thing back together. There's no punishment for the pranksters, who decided to confess. **And that's probably a good thing, since their getaway car wouldn't have gotten too far.**

May 6th

And finally today, you know how younger siblings sometimes want to copy everything their older brothers and sisters do? Well, that's the case for a family in Colorado, even if the siblings are only minutes apart. Tim Ciesco of affiliate KKCO scouts out the details.

(NON-CARL VIDEO CLIP)

The triplets have two older brothers who achieved the same rank. Five Eagle Scouts? **This family Rocks**! Cause that's their last name... ah, forget it.

May 7th

This guy isn't planning to put on a show, although he seems to have an audience anyway. He's just hungry, and looking to do a little dumpster diving in search of sustenance. Wildlife experts say it's bad he seems comfortable around people, but it looks like the furry friend just picked up on our habit of **eating junk food**.

What, you thought the pun would be about the animal? C'mon, **that's bear-ly a challenge**.

May 8th

Check out a dancer who's a real **bird brain**. Hey, we warned you. Actually, I don't know if you can really call it dancing; he's only got two moves. Although the fact that he stays on beat is pretty impressive. We don't really have to make any jokes here; you can just watch it. As you can imagine, the boogying bird is burning up the Internet. **Which means it's just a matter of time before we see some parrot-ies.**

#### May 11-15th

May 11th

We're gonna end this show **with a bang**! Instant replay! One more time! After all that excitement, let's cool off with some soda. That's why you don't shake it up first. Now it might be **hard to swallow**, but this is actually part of the world's largest physics lesson, with more than 7,000 students taking part in the scientific spectacle. **Makes sense, using exploding soda bottles to study fizz-ics.**

May 12th

It's Gainesville, Florida's annual bed-making contest, where winners can take home a couple hundred bucks. They're judged on neatness, speed and making crisp corners. If you're into cleanliness and competition, a bed-making contest is probably right up your alley. **To us, it just sounds like a real chore. That puts today's show to bed.**

May 13th

When it comes to a favorite food seasoning, is there such a thing as too much? We're **serving up that story** on CNN Student News.

We are **crying fowl** and you're about to see why in this story from Texas. Specifically, this guy! Don't walk away, we're talking about you pal! Making him famous! The wild turkey likes to wander about the parking lot of the Parks and Wildlife Department -- no, we're not kidding. He scrounges for any scraps he might find on the ground. You might think that makes him an easier target for hunters, hanging around in a parking lot, but he's been there for so long that the Wildlife Department has officially put him under its protection. So, believe it or not that bird brain may be smarter than we think. **Either way, it gobbles up all our time for today on CNN Student News.**

May 14th

Headless, zombie ants. They're not coming to take over the Earth; they're already here! Attacked by vicious parasites that take over their bodies and turn them into walking zombies. Actually, scientists say this kind of thing happens more often than we know. How about that headless part? Well, the parasite larvae hatch inside the ants, eat their brains, and then their heads fall off. You know, the usual. **That's the kind of thing that'll really make you lose your head. I mean, it's zombie-lievable!**

May 15th