Rhiannon's Journal - Season 3

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## As Seasons Change

April 6th, 2019

It's- difficult to write this. Today felt like one hit after another. I suppose everything since I've gotten back has kind of felt like that...
I wake up and find that over a month has passed for everyone. My body is permanently stuck in that strange transformed state that happens when I call upon my full power. My dad isn't really my biological father. I'm part |*Fey* (like actual literal fairy people from a real Feywild). I had to join The Equinox and at least one of them doesn't want me there.
And then there was today.
It should have been a really good day. Sledge was getting inducted into the League of Heroes - an amazing honor for her. I know how hard she's worked for this. The whole Big Team was invited, and I believe most of us went unless we had other plans. Elle and I enjoyed breakfast together then she went on her run while I brushed my hair and looked up the guest list for the ceremony. She got back and was helping brush out my hair (it's *so* long now, honestly...) and we were looking at the list together when Mr. Blackmoore just appeared in my living room...
Auster Blackmoore. He's a retired member of The Equinox. Former Summer Knight and father of the current one. He also happens to be the one who very much did not want a Winter Knight... And he has no qualms about saying so. I was actually worried Elle might challenge him to a duel right then and there, heh. She did threaten him. Politely. Meanwhile I was rather wishing I could disappear into the couch. He gave some vague warnings and 'I'll be watching you' etc before leaving. With the teapot. Carol was displeased...
Once we were all set to go, I teleported Elle and I to the venue (She doesn't fly and I'm- still avoiding vehicles). They prepared a specific spot for such things and everything! Little Gally met us with a little guest list for us to sign. He was doing such a good job. Hex was watching from nearby and it was good to see him as well. Oh! Gabe and one of the new Big Team members met up with us then too. Wren. He was very... excitable? I'm really not used to people fawning over me...
We entered the refreshments tent all together and- well- EVERYONE was there. More heroes than I've ever seen in one place before. It was- overwhelming. And honestly? I didn't feel like I belonged... So I put up my mundane glamour. Still recognizable perhaps, but less- noticeable. I guess it's become a bit of a safety blanket for me... That and I stuck close to Elle. They can always make me feel safe.
We had a chat with Galahad about Percival and the Fisher King. He's worried Percival is trying to take things into his own hands since King Arthur isn't around to help his crippled father. I wish there were something I could do... Lancelot offered to speak with Percival and Galahad welcomed her to the task. I know she's been wanting to connect with more of the Knights of the Round Table. As Percival had wheeled his father outside the tent already, we grabbed some refreshments and met back up with Gabe and Wren before seeking them out.
When we exited into the small garden area, we only found the Fisher King in his wheelchair alone by the fountain. After speaking for a time and asking about his son, we discovered that Percival was already on stage - with the Fisher King. We tried to determine which was the real one (Wren had his people do some sort of voice recognition) and the one with us seemed to pass the test. We tried to get him to come with us but he insisted his son was in danger and we should focus on that while he made his own way inside. We weren't sure how much time we'd have before *something* happened, so we reluctantly did as he asked.
We headed to the stage and warned Sledge. Then we went to The Silencer because he was in charge of security. That's when we found out that whoever we spoke to in the garden was *not* the real Fisher King. In fact, they didn't even show up on any of the security footage. Wren and I were able to finagle some things to at least figure out where they went after we left. Then Silencer figured out the pattern.
Silencer rushed out with us on his tail as he headed back to the refreshment tent, flipped a table - and found a device attached to the bottom of it. After some study, he said it was an EMP of some sort but he didn't recognize the technology. Then we realized there were three other spots that this mystery person's trail paused at and realized there could be more devices... We split up.
I went alone to the spot under the stage (sneaking in there was certainly stressful with all the heroes around and the ceremony getting ready to start...). Sure enough, there was a device there too. I'll admit, I have zero idea how to defuse a bomb of any kind. Barriers, however, I'm quite adept with... So that's what I did. Encapsulated the little bugger inside one of my arcane shields and hoped it would be enough. It sounded like Silencer was in trouble over the radio, then my bomb went off (acid... unpleasant). Thankfully it wasn't able to break through my magic. I'm not sure what happened with the others...
I worked my way out from under the stage to find the place in chaos. Heroes all over were fighting these strange shadow versions of Sledge(?). Even Sledge herself. The shadows didn't put up much of a fight, but there seemed to be no end to them. Elle caught up with me and together we used one of these shadow beings to try to track down the source of them, which led us outside and straight to this mysterious woman in black. There was no doubt the shadow energy was coming from her. So- Elle attacked. And I backed her up.
After Lancelot's initial strike, the woman put up some kind of inky black barrier around herself. I could sense it was strong. And as long as she was around doing this, nobody was safe from those shadows. So I tried to break it... I know I put enough power behind to pierce it, but she reinforced the shield right as I did so and- some of my attack deflected towards civilians. If Wren hadn't shown up right then, they really might have been hurt. I'm- I'm not usually so reckless...
Then after all that, the shadow turned to light and somehow it was Hesperus all along? He said some woman cursed him to look like her - and anchor the shadows it seemed, because they all faded away right after he returned to normal. In the end as we checked around, nobody was seriously hurt (though Gabe and Wren had taken some hits from their bombs... and us). We checked on Silencer, but he was okay aside from a nasty bump to the head. It was only minutes after that when Wren got a communication though. There was a fire in the warehouse district.
At Big Team Base's address...
I didn't even stop to think. I don't even remember bringing my wings into reality before I took off through the air faster than I can ever remember flying before. I guess maybe that's what happens when your wings are real rather than conjured... But it still wasn't fast enough.
By the time we got there, the fire was throughout the entire building and we could hear the structure beginning to lose stability. I reached out to the sky with my magic, begging for the moisture to coalesce and help douse the fire. I felt Hesperus give me some of his power too. I think- I think I was already crying, even then. But the sky answered and soon we were all soaked as the rain began to pour. It wasn't enough though. Elle and Wren ran inside to make sure everyone was out and to save what they could.
Once the rain seemed set to go for a bit on its own, Gabe and I ran in as well. I checked the holding cells, but thankfully nobody was there. I passed the vault though and not only was it open, but- it was empty. Completely bare save for a strange staff with a monkey spirit next to it (I later found out this was Thoth). He looked injured somehow, but I managed to get him and the staff out.
Wren had gotten Cyclone out of the building (what was he even still doing inside?!). Elle had gotten Rekken, since she's still in need of repair, as well as all of the base pets that were still around (I hope Mortem is okay somewhere...). Gabe had gone in for some important personal items like Rescue's abuelito's guitar, but he almost didn't make it out. I think he passed out from the smoke, so Elle went back in for him. She had to seriously damage the structure to get them back outside. The fire still wasn't out though, so I headed for the quay beneath the base where we usually keep the submarine and I- I flooded the Base. Our home.
The fire was out, but anything not destroyed by flame was probably finished off by the water... We did what we could, but in the end we couldn't save it.
Why couldn't I save it...
Godspeed spoke with us later. We were visiting Gabe in their med bay on the League *space station* (still not quite over that). He offered condolences but also said that the League was going to build us a new base. As a thank you for our recent assistance and prior deeds or some such. He also- we've all been invited to join the League of Heroes as junior members... all of us... in addition to being Big Team. We told him we need to talk to everyone else first, and speak to Cyclone, but... I think I probably have to join. The Equinox Summer Knight is already a member, so I suppose the Winter Knight should be as well.
I just hope it's the right choice...

## No Good Deed...

April 13th, 2019

What have I done...
No. Stop that, Rhiannon. Pull yourself together. You just have to find out how you're supposed to fix it, and then *do* that. Seth was right, you're of no help to anyone if you're just crying all the time. ***(The writing is shaky and smudged, and water drops stain the page)***
***(The writing goes back to neat, firm penmanship)***
Even though he's moved into the manor now, I was not expecting Rescue to pop into my room this morning. Quite literally. Teleported out of nowhere (well, Hex's house isn't nowhere but still). He's lucky I sleep modestly... Though I suppose is it still strange when he's not interested in-? Nevermind.
He had gotten a call from one of the new members, Seth, who was being attacked at Principal Crossover's house? By something that apparently hated Big Team. We didn't have much more info to go on, but there didn't seem to be any time to waste. I transmuted my hero outfit into existence and off we went.
By the time we got there, the person I assumed to be Seth already seemed to be well into his fight with this strange purple carapaced creature that had glowing yellow eyes and (apparently) a laser?? There was also someone in a unicorn onesie near the Principal (who was... getting groceries out of her car), but we didn't have much time to interact before the weird creature went on the offensive again. Through some fancy teamwork between Rescue and Rekken (with the stretchiness, it had to be her! Plus it got confirmed later. I'm so glad she's alright), the attacker ended up kind of stuck in the ground. At which point Seth rushed in and hammered it further in to where we lost sight of the thing.
I flew above the hole it had left to see if I could spot it or what it might be doing, but as I did I could see bright yellow light beginning to create cracks in the ground in a large radius - beneath all my friends. I managed to place an arcane shielding circle on the ground before it could explode upward, and was relieved to see that everyone was indeed unharmed. But then the creature launched out of the hole straight up and latched on to me. It was- disintegrating into that yellow light, and screaming furiously at me. And as it continued to hold on... I'm pretty sure I was screaming too. It felt like I was starting to disintegrate from the inside as well.
Then I felt someone's arms around me, pulling me out of its grasp as they moved between us. It was- it was Seth. I wasn't fast enough to warn him about the laser blast targeting his back, but then it hit and he *seemed* to be unfazed. We were both- fine. And the creature was gone.
There wasn't much time for chatter as the Principal got all of our attention and requested(ordered?) our help taking her groceries in from the car. Then she cooked us all breakfast (it was really quite good) as Rescue called Hex to warn/ask about more of those creatures possibly seeking Big Team members. Hex confirmed some showed up at his house right after Rescue left, and were still coming (though he apparently had it handled). We discussed our next move and determined that if they were looking for Big Team, there might be a lot at the- the old Base... We had to tell Rekken what happened to it...
Before we could head out, Principal Crossover gave us some stern warnings (and- threats?) about taking on more than we could handle. Especially with Rekken only recently recovered and Seth being new to the Team. She even said she had the power to get Cyclone to disband the Big Team... I'm- I'm not sure if that's true, but it's certainly not something I want to put to the test. So we agreed to scouting only for the time being.
On the way there I tried to thank Seth for saving me earlier, and check to make sure he was okay. I was certain I'd done something wrong though because he um... he moved away from me.
Once we were close to the old base, I put up a perception glamour field to disguise our presence. The place was crawling with those purple carapace things... thankfully the glamour held up to their scrutiny. By the time we reached the burnt out building itself, we counted at least 50? 60? Moving to a safe distance, we texted Cyclone the situation and he said help would be on its way. So we were just going to wait and assist when it got there.
But of course there was a change in plans...
As we waited, a young man with red skin and shark-like features approached the warehouse and the creatures, demanding to see someone called 'Tidus'. The carapaces didn't seem interested in his request. They attacked, but he easily dealt with maybe a couple dozen? It was- very impressive... There were still many more though - probably more than our last count - and we decided maybe we could help him plus also find out more about what was going on. So Rescue teleported him into the glamour field.
The man was not happy. He started shouting at us and looked ready for a fight. Rekken tried to put her hand over his mouth so he didn't break our cover, but he launched her out of the glamour and into view of all the enemies. it seemed something had malfunctioned as well because she was moving... strangely, and couldn't seem to stand up. Rescue then placed the sharkman in a stasis field of some sort while Seth ran out to grab Rekken and toss her back into hiding with the rest of us. Brave- but reckless. My heart nearly stopped when six of the things surrounded him and shot off concentrated laser blasts.
But once again he was- practically unscathed. I took the opportunity to put up a barrier around our whole group with only those six things inside rather than risk getting swarmed by the massive numbers all around us. Rescue convinced our wayward guest(?) that we seemed to be on the same side and his assistance would be welcome, releasing him from stasis when he agreed. Rekken created some sort of octopus made of light (which kind of tripped us all up initially). Seth used it as a weapon to keep some of the things down. I was trying to focus to teleport some of them out, which everyone assisted with by making the damned things stay still for a bit.
Eventually it was just us still inside my barrier. That's when someone approached - a blue sharkman this time. He spoke directly to the red one and said something about him allying with 'the one who caused all of this', using one of the creatures to fly away before we could react. Red was furious, shouting at us for interfering and preventing him from stopping Tidus on his course of war. We apologized but also tried to explain that we were worried he'd be overwhelmed, as even the best warrior can be no matter the skill. He seemed to calm for the moment and introduced himself as Prince Narsus of the underwater city of Montreal. The blue individual was his brother Tidus, who was seeking war with the surface. That caught us all a bit off guard.
Then Sledge dropped in to clean up any of the remaining creatures (I think she had a hangover. I gave her some aspirin). She asked us for the rundown, but when she said my name, Narsus looked utterly shocked. When I confirmed that was indeed my name, he said he couldn't talk to me and walked away... Rescue went after him for answers while we briefed Sledge.
Eventually Narsus and Rescue came back. And it was explained. To me. That I was the cause of all of this. When I created the Zodiac Tree, apparently we were directly above Montreal. The tree destroyed much, and was still draining energy of some sort. Their city was in danger, and they blame the Big Team.But most especially- they blame me.
My reaction certainly wasn't very heroic. But then, it would seem once again I was never a hero to begin with. I could feel the tears. (Damn tears... I can't seem to get away from them lately.) And I ran. I flew away from all of them as quickly as I could. I flew home.
Somehow I knew from the beginning. No matter how much people tried to praise me or tell me what a hero I was for saving Zodiac (and part of Halcyon), it never felt right. I never felt like a true hero. And now to find out that I- I hurt people. And they're still hurting. It broke my heart...
Rescue tried to call, but I knew he'd just try to comfort me and I didn't deserve to be comforted... Then soon Sledge called. I didn't want to answer that either. But maybe it was about something else...It wasn't. She wanted to talk to me about what happened, and I tried. Eventually she said I should at least speak with the fish people and of course she was right. I agreed to let her take me. (That League of Heroes transporter beam is terrifying...) And I soon found myself back at Principal Crossover's house.
Everyone from earlier was still there. Plus Sledge and Cyclone... And Prince Narsus. Neither of us could really look at each other, but Cyclone was the one who did the talking. Hex and some other specialists would try to study the tree and its effect on Montreal to seek a solution. Meanwhile, the Prince was going to be attending school with us for a while (apparently he's our age?). He's hoping to learn more about the surface to make better arguments to his father, the King of Montreal, for why they shouldn't go to war. This is going to be unpleasant. I'm pretty sure he hates me. And why shouldn't he...?
Some more conversation picked up around the room, but I- I didn't feel very welcome? So I went outside to wait until they needed me for something... *if* they needed me at all.
Much to my surprise (in fact it quite startled me at the time), Seth came out to check on me. Another person I believed I'd made a bad impression on. I was crying again (embarrassing...) but he was- really sweet. And comforting. He said some things that made a lot of sense. Things that made me believe, at least for the moment, that there *was* something I could do to fix the pain I'd caused. It was enough for at least a little hope...
I hugged him. I think it embarrassed him, but he said it was okay... He even tried to make a joke. I think. Or it was an accident. Either way, when Sledge called us back inside I no longer felt quite like there was no hope for me. If nothing else, I think I came out of today with a new friend...

## Part of Our World

April 15th, 2019

I'm still not sure how to feel after today... There were some- painful moments. But I think... I think maybe we're on the right track?
Today was the first day of Prince Narsus joining us at school. I had initially hoped I might be able to avoid him since he very much didn't seem to want to be around me. Unfortunately, our classes lined up. We even arrived at school all at the same time - Principal Crossover gave Seth, Narsus, and Rescue (he was chosen for chaperone duties) a ride to school and they showed up right when Olivia and I got there. (I'm not sure why she ran all the way to my house to walk to school with me...)
At that point, my mundane schoolgirl glamour wasn't really enough to hide my identity from him considering I was literally with all the same people he met me with. Not that I was trying to hide from *him* I mean... I always wear this glamour to school. I was just hoping- okay I did kind of want to hide from him as well...
Instead we simply both did our best to pretend the other person wasn't there.
Someone threw an empty water bottle at Narsus' head, which was very mean. I wish I'd noticed in time to stop it. He seemed more confused than anything though, which was fair...
We all went to our lockers and I offered to give Olivia copies I'd made of all the homework and notes we had both missed so she could try to catch up. Seth started desperately digging in his bag for something when I did. I hope he didn't forget something, I hate when that happens... During all of this, a swan transformed (with quite the posse of admirers) approached and introduced herself as Bella, a recent transfer. She seemed- most interested in Narsus. But then I suppose he does stand out in a crowd. The bell rang for class before a conversation could really get going.
First was Physics. And it seemed Bella was in this class with us too. There was a short lecture, but the majority of class was a fun little project- we were making a catapult! I paired with Olivia so I could help her out with any concepts she'd missed that might be needed for this. Narsus asked to work with Seth (he'd been pretty chummy toward him all day, which was unexpected but I'm glad he wanted to be friends with at least one of us). Angel jumped in with Red Devil (one of the Star-Studded teens we'd met a while ago).
Olivia and I were able to get excellent distance from ours thanks to clever use of resources (we used her material rather than rubber bands). Angel's catapult looked amazing (Red Devil themed) and had superb accuracy! Seth and Narsus didn't fare as well... the Prince gave a very nice speech about it, but the project misfired and shot straight up. I'm not sure if it was intentional or not, but Seth looked more amused than unhappy about the result. Then there was swan Bella... She chose not to have a partner even though I saw some clamoring for her. Her catapult beat everyone on all fronts - distance, accuracy, and projectiles launched per minute. I'm not sure how she did it, but I'll admit that it stung...
After class I chatted with Seth about possibly hanging out to study and do homework sometime. It's something I've always done by myself at home, but I've heard of study groups and it always sounded like it could be- fun. I noticed Narsus talking to the swan again. They really seemed to be hitting it off... I'd even say they- looked pretty good together.
Next hour was PE class. Not my best subject... They haven't found a new full-time teacher for it yet, so the Principal has been bringing in substitutes. Much to *everyone's* shock, today our PE teacher was Godspeed himself. Talk about awkward. Head of the League of Heroes around to watch me flounder at mundane athletics. I grew even more nervous when he called Rekken over for a private chat at one point... and then me.
I was surprised by what he wished to speak about. He asked how I was holding up with the whole Montreal thing. (Yet another person asking me this... How do you *think* I'm holding up?? No, Rhiannon, that's uncalled for... they're just trying to look out for you...) I put on a brave face and said I'd be fine. I should have asked how the investigation was going, dammit...
Then Godspeed asked about Narsus. He said if the Prince proved too much to handle, the League could always step in and keep an eye on him instead. He called Narsus a threat... I told him that's not true. Narsus is only a threat if you consider all heroes trying to protect their people and their home a threat. I think he misunderstood at first, because he asked if that's why Elle stays with me- so I can keep an eye on them as a perceived threat. That- really caught me off guard but I insisted that was not the case and tried to make him see what I was saying. Eventually I think he understood. I hope he did...
Narsus may be arrogant and dismissive sometimes and probably hates me but I think he's a good person, truly. He's *not* a threat. And neither is Elle...
The rest of PE was... interesting. Narsus and Seth seemed to be having fun, it looked like they were making some kind of wager regarding their javelin skills. First Godspeed had us split into teams of five for a relay race though. The relay only requires four, so I chose to sit out and cheer for everyone. Seth ran the first leg and was doing very well! He had just passed the baton off to Rescue when all the first leg runners tripped for some reason... All except a small boy with glasses who had been in last place. It helped him gain some ground on the others. Rescue ran second and I swear I've never seen him run so fast! I may have sensed a bit of magic extra, but I don't think he overdid it. They had a bit of a lead when he passed to Narsus, but unfortunately Red Devil was in that leg (I didn't realize he was so fast). It was kind of unfair to Narsus and the rest of them, but he still ran well and didn't complain. Olivia ran last and... honestly I'm still confused and- disappointed?
Rocky had a decent head start on her, but I think she still could have made it close without busting out her full power set... And it was just a silly little relay. I know we're not all great with keeping up secret identities, but she's been extra vigilant with hers at school so I just don't understand the sudden uncaring reveal? Godspeed seemed taken aback as well, ending class a bit early and taking off. It didn't take long before we heard Olivia's name over the loudspeaker, her presence requested at the Principal's office. She went there while the rest of us headed to lunch.
And now for the low point of the day...
Everyone had a packed lunch, so we just went straight to a table. Rescue seemed about to maybe discuss Montreal but stopped when Bella (swan) approached us. Apparently Narsus had invited her to lunch with us. Which wasn't a bad thing! Or, it wouldn't have been bad if Rescue hadn't really been hoping for a private discussion. He and Narsus traded words but eventually we apologized to Bella and they discussed her having lunch with him tomorrow. She was extremely gracious about the whole thing and even suggested I join (what? why?). Perfectly gracious, perfectly smart, perfectly lovely... I should really like Bella, but something just feels- off? I can't think why though. Maybe I'm... maybe I'm just jealous. Which is terrible of me. I'll just have to try to ignore it.
So she left back to her adoring followers (I'm pretty sure the entire lunchroom was glaring at us now). Angel and Narsus got back into their argument until finally Rescue just left the room completely. Leaving just me, Seth, and Narsus at the lunch table... Totally not awkward. Seth and I had our lunches out, but I noticed that Narsus still didn't have anything. I had- actually packed an extra lunch just in case. I wasn't sure if anyone had made plans for his food or not. But considering how he felt about me, I didn't think he'd accept it from me? So I sneaked it to Seth under the table to give.
At first Narsus seemed pleased by it. But then he asked where it came from. Seth tried to be vague without lying and without telling on me but Narsus was very insistent. He even asked if it had been from Bella (a strange assumption since they just met today) at which point Seth sounded fed up and um- pointed at me. As I very carefully studied my food and avoided eye contact.
The silent pause felt like an eternity. Then Narsus pushed the food away and said he couldn't accept it if not offered by the one who made it. He started going into some highbrow speech about cowardice and finally I couldn't take it anymore. I looked him straight in the face and spoke to him for the first time since Saturday. I tried to tell him that I'd been avoiding him because that's what I thought he wanted. *He* was the one who had expressed that he didn't want to interact with *me*.
But no matter what I said, Narsus always seemed to have something to come back with. Eventually it became clear that *nothing* I could say or do was going to make him see me as anything but a despicable human being. I was fighting *so hard* to keep in the tears as finally I just stood up and practically shouted at him to tell me what it was he wanted me to do, because dammit I was doing the best I could.
Then he got up to leave. When he turned away, I told him I wasn't asking for or expecting forgiveness. He said forgiving me was the easiest thing he'd done, but he couldn't forget. And he walked off.
I nearly broke down right then. I could feel my magic fluctuating- either my appearance glamour was going to fail or I needed to put up a perception glamour to hide, because I couldn't bear to stay. But Seth brought my focus back when he put a hand on my shoulder. He'd been quiet during the confrontation, but thinking back I remember him looking- furious. Like he was about to break something. He didn't look that way anymore though. He pulled me into a hug and let me bury my face in his shoulder. Gods it's so embarrassing... but I really needed it.
Seth didn't say anything for a while. Just provided that supportive caring presence and let me get through it. When time for next class came, he asked if I wanted to skip it. For possibly the first time in my life, I *really* did. I wasn't sure I could handle much more of being around someone who clearly despises me. But... I really like music class. And what would it look like if I didn't show up right after he'd called me a coward... So- so we went. Even though my chest felt like it was in a vice.
Imagine my surprise when *Narsus* was the one who didn't show up to class. Rescue didn't know where he went but didn't seem too concerned. But after 5-10 minutes I was getting worried. It didn't seem like him. I asked the teacher (Muse, of all people) to be excused but they said no and that Narsus had gotten permission to miss class anyway (it seems I'm an open book). So class continued as scheduled.
Muse had us get in pairs to duet. Since Seth had agreed to sit in the back corner with me, we went ahead and partnered. Olivia was back from the Principal's and joined with that small kid with glasses from PE class (who I still believe tripped everyone somehow). Angel went with... Rocky I think? I'm not very familiar with contemporary instruments so I offered to sing if Seth wished to play. Choosing a song was difficult, but we had fun once we got going I think. I was definitely starting to feel better. Having Muse as the teacher was interesting- their sound control made it so everyone could practice without having to hear over the others.
Everyone did such a great job with their duets! Seth and I were going last but just as we got settled in front of the class and about to start, the classroom door flew open. Prince Narsus was standing in the doorway looking exhausted and completely out of breath. At first I asked if he was okay because I thought maybe something was wrong. Then he held up a strange shell with holes punched all over it and apologized for missing so much of class. He'd left to find his instrument because he wanted to play a duet- with me.
I wonder if my face reflected the amount of shock I felt at that moment. I still- I don't know why he suddenly- I thought he couldn't stand me? But I... certainly wasn't going to turn down what seemed to be an olive branch. Narsus said he only really knew one surface song (because people have been teasing him with it I suppose), but at least it's a well known one. So Seth and I were able to manage joining in.
I'm not sure what it was about that instrument, but the way he played it was... breathtaking. Seth found just the right notes to fit in with it too. I don't usually sing solos, but hopefully I at least didn't embarrass myself. Though I imagine the musical accompaniment was excellent enough to make up for my shortcomings.

At the end, Narsus um... He came up to me and apologized. Something about princely chivalry and not stopping to ask what *I* wanted. I didn't get a chance to restate that all I really want is to help fix things. Help his people. Help *him*, if he'll let me... But he'd already moved on to offer apologies to Rescue and Rekken for any offenses he caused today. He didn't say anything to Seth though, which seemed strange... They had seemed to be getting along well earlier. And I didn't think Seth had said or done anything since then that would cause that reaction? Then again, it seems physically impossible for me to tell what Narsus is thinking at any point. So I suppose it will remain a mystery for now.
But maybe we can finally be friends? Maybe Narsus will actually... like me. Or at least work with me so we can make things right.
I just need to make things right...

## Ultimatum

April 28th, 2019

I knew it might come to this...
I was hopeful going into today, I really was. We were all set to go to Zodiac City and have diplomatic talks with the Zodiac about the situation and possible options. Elle was going to accompany us, which already made me feel safer and more- I don't know, ready for anything? Rekken and Miss Matter (Gabbie? As in Tilly's friend from school?) were coming along as representatives as well. Unexpected, but not unwelcome.
The prince seemed impressed by Elle's knighthood and Miss Matter being the school's queen bee (at least that's what Rekken told him). Certainly more impressed and respectful than he ever was with the rest of us, haha.
We were told a League of Heroes representative would be coming along as well. Unfortunately it seemed Sir Galahad drew the short straw... I have nothing against the man, but I know his relationship with Elle is- strained? I think he's too hard on her. But I also think he's still hurting when he sees Lancelot and thinks of Uncle Lance back when things were good... He doesn't want to be hurt again. I can't blame him for that. Even though I have faith in Elle.
And on top of that, today he just seemed... tired. I'm not sure what the League has been up to, but they must be stretched a bit thin if they can't even find time to rest. I wish I could help them with that, but it seems I'm just adding even *more* to their plate...
With everyone arrived, the group of us went into the busy cable car hub and straight to a waiting one. They must have been holding it reserved for us, because the place was packed with people already coming and going. As we walked, I tried to encourage Narsus that this was a great first step and that I really believed we could find a solution for both cities. He was- less optimistic. Citing the very real possibility that there was no such solution. I tried to say we should cross that bridge when we come to it, but at least hold out some hope. He turned and asked, when we come to that bridge, which side would I be on... I- I didn't have an answer. I think he knew I wouldn't. And also that it would probably shut me up, so... Touché, I guess...
The cable car ride so high over the water and growing ever closer to the tree was fascinating. Or I think it really would have been if the tension wasn't so high. Rekken tried to talk to Galahad, though I'm not certain how well that turned out. She didn't seem to enjoy the conversation by the end. Elle -ever on watch as our declared security- approached some unknown person with a newspaper. It was a canine transformed. They also got into a rather extensive conversation, with similar results of one of my friends seeming more unhappy than before (she'd already gotten a bit more reserved when Galahad showed up).
Miss Matter and Narsus were closest to me so I could hear their conversation pretty clearly. They seemed to be getting on pretty well! He even complimented her treatment of nobility and suggested she teach some of the others. I was surprised when he specifically mentioned Seth. There was some edge on it too, which left me confused. I mean- sure I wouldn't say Seth is the most knowledgeable of courtly manners, but I thought the two of them had really been getting along?
When their conversation finished, I asked Narsus more quietly if something had happened between him and Seth. He deflected the question, mostly in the direction of saying it's not my business and why am I poking my nose in. I tried to explain that I just wanted to help, because they seemed like they were becoming friends and I don't like to see friends fighting or hurting. Again, he knew exactly what to say... "Haven't you done enough *saving*". And the way he said it, I just... It still hurts.
We arrived at Zodiac City. The canine that rode up with us then introduced themselves as Dog of the Zodiac, head of the city's security. She gave us the rundown of the itinerary, leading up to an official diplomatic forum later in the day. We were led through a small market filled with souvenir stands plus other vendors one might expect to find at a tourist attraction. Narsus stopped at a stall filled with wooden- 'groan tubes' I believe they're called? You tilt them over and they make a strange noise. Anyway, he decided he wanted *ten* for some reason. The vendor told him fifty dollars. Narsus kept repeating the words and at first I thought he simply didn't understand. I didn't realize nobody had given him any money.
I would have stepped in, but Miss Matter was kind enough to purchase them for him. I got suspicious when the shopkeeper then added on twenty dollars for tax... When he asked for another ten past that, I stepped in and the others backed me in subtly discouraging him from taking advantage of his customers. Narsus seemed so pleased by his purchase though. Sometimes it's nice to be reminded that he's really just a kid like us, visiting a strange new place. I just wish he didn't have such a heavy burden weighing on him and taking away that joy that sometimes peeks through...
First things first, we were supposed to meet Monkey. A jeep was provided to take our whole group around the city as needed for the day. Conversation on the drive over was a bit strained again it seemed, though Miss Matter had a nice talk with Dog about her visits with the school to help with all the rebuilding and such. I tried to keep things in a positive direction by asking Dog how the city was doing because I hadn't visited since- um... since the city was stable. I swiftly regretted it. Dog didn't seem the gushing type, but she was practically gushing about me saving the city and how none of this was possible without me etc etc.
I wanted to find a hole to crawl into. Every second of praise felt like it was spitting in the face of the people that were still hurting because of me... Narsus' people. And he had to listen to it. Little did I know it was just a taste what was to come...
We arrived at the location to meet Monkey. Respectful and courteous greetings were exchanged among all but then Monkey fully *bowed* to me. I think that's when I started to realize this wasn't some passing thing I could avoid... Thankfully he soon left with Narsus to discuss on one side of the room. Elle approached Galahad, though again it didn't look as though the conversation was pleasant... Macha and I tried to reassure her after, but I don't think it really made her feel much better. Eventually Dog came over and led Elle off elsewhere to discuss security things. Miss Matter joined the discussion with Narsus and Monkey, seeming pretty comfortable with doing so. I certainly was *not*, especially considering my earlier interactions. So Rekken and I went to try the very nice snack spread. The man who appeared to be in charge of the food was very kind. He was a human but his son was a crocodile transformed. I enjoyed speaking with him, and the food was quite tasty.
I um... made a second plate for Narsus. It didn't look like he was going to get away from his talks in time to get any before our next stop.
I was right. Dog and Elle came back and we were told it was time to move along. I offered Narsus the food and at first it seemed he was going to refuse it (again). But some of the fruit caught his eye and I think he ended up enjoying it as we entered the jeep once more. It was time to see some of Zodiac City itself! Dog asked where we wanted to go. I asked Elle if she thought we should visit the Cinnabun Hun and she agreed it was a great idea (Shanelle's pastries are the *best*). We were told Shanelle was out of town but Dog said it should still work? So off we went.
The place looked totally closed when we got there, which was a huge disappointment. But Dog seemed unbothered by it and led us to a side entrance. She said something into her earpiece and the door opened- and there was Shanelle! The large bear transformed hugged Elle and ushered us inside. I'm not sure if it was new or I just didn't know last time, but there was a veritable baking *factory* in the back of the shop and going down a fair distance into the earth. Apparently the shop was just closed so she could get her franchising off the ground and sell her baked goods all across Zodiac City and Halcyon!
We were invited (voluntold?) to help her do some baking. Reeeeally not my forte. I'm a disaster in the kitchen. They had cameras set up all around too, recording promotional footage for her new baking line. I'm not sure if it was intentional or not, but there was one focused on me constantly. It was- very unsettling. I tried not to pay it much mind though. Everyone seemed to be having some fun. Rekken ended up completely covered in flour and had to change aprons a few times. Even Narsus was being instructed in the art of kneading dough. Shanelle was helping him at first but then moved to join me. Miss Matter assisted me as well (I told them both I needed all the help I could get), but then she asked some... difficult questions. In front of the camera (I think she liked it there). I answered as best I could but really I don't know if I said the right thing...
Miss Matter was also acting strange compared to earlier. Her voice and the way she spoke was almost like a different person. I asked her about it but she played it off, suddenly nervous about the camera's presence. So I let it go.
Elle thankfully made an excuse to pull me away from the cameras and awkwardness for the rest of the time. Before we left though, Shanelle gave me a huge hug and seemed about to cry as she thanked me for saving the city and her bakery... She even said I was like a daughter she never had or something which felt- off. Especially with how her relationship with Elle is. They're far closer than I am. Elle *loves* her. Then I noticed the cameras were on us again and I think maybe... was I being used? It- wasn't a good feeling.
We were given a to-go bag of yummy baked goods on the way out. I left an orange creme one on the bench outside the store... just in case. I hope he's okay...
Sadly we used up too much time distracted by baking and didn't get a chance to visit any of the rest of the city. It was almost time for the forum. We ate the delicious pastries on the way back (I think Narsus really enjoyed them- especially since he ate most of them haha). Miss Matter explained her peculiar situation to us- that she's both Sandy and Grace and they somewhat need to take turns? It sounds very complex... But I think she's a good person. They'll figure it out, together.
In the large building housing the main event, we were split off into different waiting rooms to relax, prepare, and clear our heads. Narsus and Galahad each had a private room as the sole representatives of their parties. Big Team was together in one room. Elle left to request clearance to be nearer to Narsus during the proceedings I think.
I excused myself soon after to go see Narsus himself because- well, I was worried about him being alone. As the day went on I'd been getting more and more ill-at-ease. Members of the Zodiac had been giving each other looks and tapping this new lapel pin of theirs (in solidarity? It was a very nice pin though...). And more than once they'd just repeated the words 'Never Again'. Apparently referring to this being the safest and most settled they had been and not planning to allow that to change... Between all that and knowing his brother was out there plotting somewhere, I just didn't feel comfortable leaving the prince without *someone* there. If anything happened.
I knocked on the door once and there was no response. I couldn't tell if he was ignoring it or just didn't hear. When the same thing happened the second time, I cracked the door open just a bit. So I could at least see he wasn't under duress or something. That's when I heard it... The music. He had his shell again but he'd also set up a sort of wind chime with the ten toys he'd bought earlier. As he played he'd tap them and they just added another layer to the melody. It was... breathtaking. I was so mesmerized I didn't realize I was allowing the door to open further until he turned and saw me, ceasing the music.
He (of course) asked why I was there and I (of course) sounded like a complete idiot trying to explain... He didn't turn me away though. I really thought he might. Instead Narsus invited me in and we both took a seat. I tried to encourage him. Tried to convince him that he wasn't facing this alone and that whether we found a solution here or not, *I am going to help him*. Gods it's so embarrassing but I took his hands without even thinking about it... I'm not sure why. I guess I somehow thought if I did that he'd be able to just- *feel* how much I meant it?
For a moment I really thought he might... But then he set my hands aside and said it was time to go. His demeanor was more gentle than previously though. No scathing remarks or questions he knew I couldn't answer. It was nice to finally not feel that hostility, but... I couldn't help feeling like I'd still failed somehow.
The forum was already abuzz when we arrived. I hadn't realized it was open to the public, but a large gathering of mostly transformed and a few humans was in the vast open space adjacent to the delegation seating. Narsus had his own seat alone on one side of the table. It looked like Elle didn't get to accompany him like she'd hoped... The Big Team members were all on one side. Then Monkey on the opposite with Dog and some others nearby. Galahad was announced but didn't appear to be joining us at the table. One final representative was introduced and I swear my heart almost stopped-
Prince Tidus of Montreal...
He walked in from the wings and took a seat directly facing his brother. Narsus looked just as shocked as the rest of us. Speechless. I- I still can't believe they didn't tell us... I sensed something keeping my emotions from getting too fraught and it seemed to be affecting the whole room. I'm not sure where it was coming from but I was grateful. Monkey didn't waste time opening the floor for discussion and Tidus promptly requested first speaking rights. He didn't sugarcoat his demands. The older blue shark prince said Zodiac and its people should seek a place elsewhere and start moving there because Montreal has every intention of destroying the tree. He also said they planned to arrest me and take me back to Montreal for trial and sentencing... today.
The whole place nearly devolved into chaos. Whatever tenuous force was keeping tensions low snapped like a rubber band pulled too taut... The entire crowd began chanting 'Never Again' and I honestly feared for everyone's safety, getting to my feet. I'm not sure how much the seals on my power are needed anymore but I still use them just in case... I broke one to fuel a barrier surrounding the delegates (all of them) and that's when I saw it- there were sniper lasers. And they had been trained on Tidus. Dog was talking into her earpiece and we met eyes across the room. She mouthed something I didn't fully catch but I got the gist... If Tidus tried to act on his threat, he wouldn't make it out of there alive. It sent a chill to my core...
Rekken tried to argue against Tidus, insisting he had no right to take me. He questioned how much say Big Team actually had in the matter. Did we speak for all of Halcyon and the League of Heroes? Of course we don't. And he knew that. He also brought up the unfortunately accurate point that as heroes we arrest people for trial all the time. And some of them are responsible for far less than nearly destroying a civilization...
Eventually I'd had enough. And I told the entire room as much (which made almost all go silent, much to my surprise and discomfort). I then addressed Tidus and told him that I would be willing to go with him. But in doing so, I wanted an opportunity to see the source of the problem and seek a way to fix it. He informed me that their shamans had been studying the issue extensively and came to the conclusion that it was a result of not only the tree, but also the temporary shattering of barriers between the spiritual realms shortly before that. And it couldn't be fixed without the person who caused that as well, who they've been seeking and would similarly arrest and try for their crimes.
I'm not sure if my face reflected how I felt in that moment... I'd imagine it didn't, or someone surely would have noticed. Especially Tidus, with the way he was staring me down. Only a handful of people know what fully happened that day... and none of them were in the room. Just me. Fully aware that I had been the cause of the fractures as well (at least in part). The barriers were already thin during that fight with The First as he started to merge the realms into one... but how could I have known I was capable of shattering it all! I was just trying to save them... Heh, I guess that's my excuse for everything, isn't it. But it's true. I just- somehow it all goes wrong. I thought it had been fixed though...
I should have told him right then... should have told all of them. But I was already so afraid. And if it truly needs to be me to fix it, they'll find out when the time comes anyway... Yeah, not making myself feel better about it either.
Before the conversation continued, Narsus tried to speak up but Tidus cut him off and then began berating him. He was being so cruel... Belittling him for being the youngest. Saying he never belonged and had no right to any say on the matter. Calling Narsus a bastard child and insulting his mother... I'm not an angry person, so the amount of fury I felt filling my chest was unfamiliar. He had no right... Narsus was a good person and he was here to help his people and Tidus had *no right to treat him like that*.
I stood up to Tidus then. No fear. No hesitation in my voice as I told him that was *enough*. I don't even remember phasing my wings corporeal but I could feel all six of them flare out in emphasis with my words. I told him that Narsus had *every right* to be there and speak on equal footing with the rest of us. The rest of the team backed me up. I could feel them all stand and provide a united front. And (at least for the moment) Tidus backed down...
Narsus gave us a grateful nod. Finally given his chance to speak, I expected him to argue for more discussion on the tree itself and options to deal with it that didn't lead to its destruction. Or something involving his dedication to saving his people and Montreal. But that's not what he chose to say... Of all things, the prince told his brother that- he wouldn't let him take me.I still don't understand it. After everything. Why would that be his line in the sand?
Tidus did allow him to finish this time, but it seemed the elder prince was done talking. He told us we had a month before they were coming to retrieve me - one way or another - and told Narsus he shouldn't interfere with my decision to go willingly. Elle threatened to um- cut his bones (and only his bones?) if he laid a hand on me. I tried to calm her but Tidus seemed to enjoy the threat, responding with one of his own. That he looked forward to having her head on a pike outside his walls...
He then turned to leave, looking at me expectantly to let him out of the barrier. Since the crowd and Dog seemed content that he didn't intend to take any action today, I didn't sense any danger from lowering the shield. Before that though, I did request one thing from him... I asked him to please not hurt anyone. In whatever was to come. He didn't respond.
Never in my life have I had a greater desire to punch the smug look off of someone's face. This time I think that did come through in my expression. But I let him leave unhindered...
And we all just stood there. Stunned. Elle sat back down in one of the chairs and looked like she was trying desperately not to cry... Galahad came over and finally spoke for the first time in the forum, putting down a business card and saying if we couldn't handle this then the League *would*. Then he left.
I couldn't think of anything to say that might make Elle feel better… I know there's no way she'd let them take me. And I don't really want to go... I'm so afraid. But I *have* to. And I think she understands that too…
So I just took her hands and knelt in front of her chair while Macha perched on her shoulder. And I stayed with her.
Please… please let there be some way for me to fix this. And once I do… please let them forgive me? Let me come home...

## Boiling Point

May 11th, 2019

He gave us a month... Tidus told us a month. That bastard...
It started out a nice day (they always do don't they). Aman and Seth decided to go to the skate park. They also decided to invite Narsus, which I thought was really nice of them! Then they invited me, which was a bit more strange (I told them I couldn't skateboard) but they insisted it would be fun and they'd even teach me if I wanted. Two of my favorite friends *and* getting to watch Narsus experience something else new and exciting? How could I say no.
And it was fun! For a time. I think this was the first time Herald and Narsus really met. They were a bit- strained with one another but it grew less noticeable as Aman began showing him the ropes. Seth and I were just watching for a bit (Seth was mostly laughing), but then he got a call from Rescue. The call was to warn us about something Hex discovered - the carapace monsters were on the move again, and their target was Seth...
Unfortunately the warning came a bit too late as we saw one appear at the edge of the park and begin calmly heading straight for us.
Seth got Narsus and Aman's attention while I focused on trying to empty the skate park of all the other people there to enjoy the day. I focused on creating an arcane circle that drew the nearby clouds and moisture together into a raincloud above us that began a downpour. Whether it was the rain or the glowing purple sigils on the ground that got everyone to leave I'm not sure, but they began to evacuate the area all the same.
The creature of course ignored it (and all the civilians thankfully) as it continued marching toward Seth and I. That's when a strange boy effectively dropped out of the sky in front of us and launched himself at the carapace head-on. Rescue came in from nowhere as well, bringing down a hit on top while Herald swooped in from behind it. They made solid contact and I think the shell cracked, but then it said something and suddenly the creature was coated in ice like Seth? I had never seen one do that before...
The change was a bit concussive and tossed everyone back. The carapace launched a spray of ice at the new kid (we later found out his name is Contrast, a new mentee of Hex and Big Team member) as he was falling but Seth managed to rush in and catch him while Narsus summoned his water trident and stepped in to deflect some of the ice.
I conjured an array of circles shooting projectiles to distract and harry the thing while the others recovered. Herald picked up Ares and flew him in for a high-speed attack. It was very successful, destroying the creature (which I then remembered have a tendency to explode...) but leaving themselves open to the impact. Contrast managed to make dark copies(?) of Seth and Aman that took the brunt of the blast and then it was just us in the park. Everyone was okay.
Rescue explained that Hex has been researching these things (especially their shells) and sent the remaining pieces directly to the mentor. Contrast jumped *inside* a hand mirror and came out with a book that he quickly delved into. Between the two, we were informed that the shells seem to be like a sedimentary buildup composition of... magic? And in this latest one, a layer of that magic was very similar to Seth's powers... We decided to head back to Hex's, hoping he could find more answers.
Narsus had been quiet and thoughtful the whole time we were discussing. He seemed deeply troubled by something. I was hoping he'd speak up when he was ready, but instead when we turned to leave and bring him along- he was gone.
You don't just up and ditch like that unless you're planning something foolish. Better forgiveness than permission, etc. I immediately sent Nemain in search of him, scrying through her, and she was able to swiftly catch up (helps when the crow doesn't have to follow physical laws). He was sprinting through the city at great speed, heading for the docks district. I activated a glowing trail for us to follow and manifested my wings to take off after him without another word. I feel bad about that, but I also feared what would happen if I lost him and he did something stupid before we got there... I think Herald called after me, but I'd already gained a solid lead on the others.
I'm not sure I've ever flown so fast, but I got there in time. I found Narsus on top of a building overlooking the water as he gazed across it. I asked him what he was doing and why he left us. He said there was something he needed to handle himself, but that wasn't good enough. I insisted that whatever he needed to do, we were there to help. That's how it was supposed to work. We were supposed to be fixing things *together*. I insisted he could trust me, so... he made me promise not to tell.
Narsus told me the true purpose of the carapace creatures- Guardians for Montreal. They are the war machines, the soldiers, so the people of Montreal aren't forced to go against their peaceful beliefs... But someone had changed them, enhanced them. Now they were copying powers. And the more heroes they're exposed to, the more dangerous they become. He feared what would happen if the League or the cities found out. He was afraid it might trigger the war he was trying so hard to avoid.
So there was something he wished to do. The prince insisted that none of us should go with him because our powers would just get copied and we'd be more of a liability than a help. And he also didn't want anyone getting hurt. It was the strangest thing, but he said 'especially you'. I was confused and asked why. I mean one would think me getting hurt would be the least concerning since it was all my fault anyway. He said it was because I was still needed to try and help fix the tree and everything and I guess that makes sense.
I wanted to argue the point more, but then Herald arrived and I suddenly realized- with the promise I made, there was nothing I could say. Even without knowing what was going on, Aman offered to help. He's just a good guy like that... But Narsus refused (quite rudely) and said he didn't need help from 'the likes of you'. What does that even mean? I expressed my disapproval and he immediately apologized, but I still don't know where that hostility came from.
The others arrived and I could just feel my heart sinking, knowing I couldn't tell them what Narsus was going to do. He again insisted that none of us should go with him and (thank the gods) Rescue backed me up in saying we should let him see to his issue privately since it was clearly very personal to him. So Narsus left...
Rescue said we really needed to get to Hex's. He'd already told the mentor we were coming and he was probably waiting. I asked if I could stay and wait for Narsus to get back. He'd said it wouldn't take long... Angel said it was fine for me to stay. Herald insisted that Seth stay with me. Contrast chose to stay as well, though I'm not sure why... Hex is his mentor too, and he'd only just barely met Narsus. I sat on the edge of the roof to wait as Rescue and Herald flew off.
We waited for an hour and there was still no sign or word from Narsus. I was starting to get so nervous I almost felt sick. Contrast seemed pretty riled up too, pacing back and forth on the roof. He was the first to notice a figure approaching at high speed from the water though. It was getting dark, so it was hard to make out who it was even after standing up. Maybe Narsus finally? But then why wasn't he slowing down or saying anything. I wasn't willing to go on the offensive without confirmation either way but that didn't stop the other two.
As the figure barreled in our direction, Contrast met him at the edge of the roof and attempted to engage. The opponent deftly avoided and kicked him in the chest (it sounded like it really hurt). Then suddenly the large figure was right in front of me... It was another shark man, but not Tidus or Narsus. This one was yellow. He wielded a large metal trident and leveled it directly at my head before asking what we had done with his brother.
I'll admit I froze up a bit... Pretty sure I looked just like a deer in headlights. Melee combat has never been my forte and he just moved so fast...
Seth had no such hesitation and almost before I could think, he had interposed himself between us with a hand holding the trident firmly at bay. The question was asked again and I didn't know *which* brother he meant. Seth assumed Narsus though and responded that he'd left to take care of something but wasn't back. Then asked the yellow shark if he was Gaius. I didn't recognize the name, but he responded to it positively. First he seemed surprised but then there was a look of realization and he immediately dropped his hostilities, calling Seth the 'Ice King' and me- the Destroyer... I wonder if anyone could see how hard that name hit me...
He apologized profusely (especially to Contrast). Apparently Narsus had been keeping in touch and spoke about the Big Team quite a lot. He made it sound like Narsus really liked us quite a bit...
It was indeed Gaius, Narsus' eldest sibling and the crown prince of Montreal- and he was looking for his baby brother. He said Narsus called for him, saying it was important. We told him Narsus had said he wouldn't be gone long but that we were getting worried. He said he could communicate with Narsus through song and attempted to do so. It was- lovely. I wouldn't normally call it a song, but the melody was definitely there. It reminded me of when Narsus plays his shell...
I didn't think I could feel any worse than I already did but when he turned back to us and said he didn't hear Narsus' song in return... I immediately tried to scry for him again. This time Nemain took flight and then vanished to wherever he might be.
I saw him. Narsus was lying on the ground. Eyes closed... Bleeding. One of those carapace creatures stood over him and I saw it use one of *my* arcane circles to- to bind him. Then it walked away toward the Big High track and field.
I'm not sure if the screaming was just in my head or if some of it happened out loud. Honestly I'm not sure how I kept it together at all. It was my fault. I shouldn't have let him go alone. Narsus looked really badly hurt, and it was all my fault... It felt like I was about to shatter, but I couldn't- not until we got him back.
Contrast asked for a direction and I almost took flight again but I knew it was too slow. I didn't ask permission before teleporting us all there. Teleporting us to Narsus.
We got there and Godspeed was fighting the carapace thing on the field, but dispatched it pretty easily. Apparently he was there for some sort of talk with the kids. I think I spotted Gally, but it didn't fully register in my desperation as I looked around for Narsus.
He'd been right where we stood. I had *seen* him *right there*. My panic grew as I looked to the others as the tears finally caught up to me and begged for help (gods I'm pathetic). I couldn't find him... Gaius said I *had* to find him, that I was the Destroyer and Narsus trusted me above all the others. I don't even think that fully hit me at the time. He must have been mistaken. I mean we've been making progress but I thought Narsus just tolerated me... right?
A fight broke out again as a new carapace creature sprouted(?) from under the one Godspeed dispatched. Its shell gave a prismatic glimmer before it launched Godspeed across the field toward our group. Contrast was able to catch him before impact, the rest of the group springing to action to defeat the creature and protect the civilians. But me, I was- I needed to-
Before he joined the fray, Seth told me it was going to be okay. That he and the others could handle it and that I just needed to find Narsus. I don't know if he realizes what a relief that was... I still feel guilty, but- I have faith in the Team. I knew they could do it without me. And I *had* to find him.
I vaguely remember seeing pieces of the battle as I focused my power on the one thing left to do that I could think of, those familiar motes of light and sourceless wind beginning to swirl around me...
Aman going in with illusions of the League.
The carapace creating illusions of itself engaging them.
Contrast trying to help direct Seth to the real one.
Gaius sweeping through them with his trident.
Rescue taking a hit as he rescued Gally.
But I tuned it all out with single-minded focus as the circle began to form at my feet, glowing intense cyan as it slowly rotated and grew in both size and intricacy. If I couldn't get to Narsus... I'd bring him to me. I could feel the power surrounding me and beginning to spread. Was I calling upon too much? Perhaps... But I wasn't going to take any chances.
I remember closing my eyes and breathing deeply. Reaching out for him with everything. And then I could sense him. It was working. I didn't let go. Not until I was certain. Then I opened my eyes and Narsus was at my feet. I dropped to my knees and tried to gather him into my arms, raising his torso up slightly. I could feel the blood getting on me. His blood. Unsure and uncaring if the fight was still going on, I erected a barrier to keep anything and everything out until I was sure it was safe. He needed to be safe now...
I can still see him, and it's physically painful. He was so hurt... so vulnerable... He woke up long enough to look up and touch my hair before he lost consciousness again. Pretty sure all he saw was me crying uncontrollably all over him, so... sorry about that, Narsus.
I only dropped the barrier when I realized everyone was around it and waiting. Gaius took Narsus from me. He said he could take care of him. I saw Godspeed looking at us and the whole situation with a very- dark expression. I've never seen him look like that. Then he made a call.
I don't really remember standing up. I do remember lots of hugs. I don't remember getting home... But Gwen and Elle gave me even more hugs. They didn't care about the blood getting on them either. Or maybe it was dry by then. I'm not really sure. I don't know if I ever stopped crying. Guess I fell asleep though. Woke up in my bed a little while ago but it's not even that late yet.
What I *do* know is that Tidus had better watch himself... He said we had a month. And he lied. Because of him- because of this whole damn war he wants, Narsus is really hurt. I can't even find out how he's doing...
But even with how much I hate him for this, I haven't forgotten. Deep down-
This is all my fault...

## They Never Say Goodbye

May 27th, 2019

He's gone...
Gwen made me admit I cared (like *truly* cared).
He called me his Juliet.
And now he's gone.
I thought it was strange that he and Muse wanted to do a play. After everything that's been happening. But it seemed really important to Narsus and he deserved to have something fun.
Romeo and Juliet seemed an odd choice too, but it's well known and easy to pick up, so... I realize now that there was probably more to it than that.
We switched parts a lot between scenes. Thankfully I managed to avoid too many big lines. Funny enough, there was only one scene with me as Narsus' Juliet. Romeo admiring from a distance and Juliet unaware...
Fitting I suppose, if what he admitted in the song is true. I never even knew how he felt. Every time things were awkward between us, I thought it was because he might not have fully forgiven me or something. Looking back, maybe I'm just blind. But how was I supposed to know? It was weeks before he even wanted to be around me. I thought.
I gave him the protective charm backstage during the final scene. Neither of us had any further part to play. He accepted it graciously, but I'm not sure how he felt about the gift itself. It's apparently customary for him to give something in return. So Narsus gave me his shell ocarina. He asked me to play it after curtain call, but it was time to head back on stage. He said he'd be right behind me...
At first with all the attention and activity I didn't notice that Gaius, Narsus, and Seth never showed up on the stage. As the audience started coming up to congratulate us, the others started asking after them. I assumed they were fine. Why wouldn't they be?
Gwen asked if I was sure about playing the shell publicly right then. Narsus had never asked me to do anything for him before though, so I didn't want to disappoint when it sounded important to him. So I began to play.
The music was beautiful but mesmerizing and- strangely powerful. We all found ourselves unable to move as his voice came through. That's when he said it. All of it. And I realized I may never see him again. That soon he could be-
I'm not proud of what happened next. Honestly I don't really remember it. I just remember- pain. It felt like my chest was being crushed in a vice. Something similar happened when Gwen told me Tidus was trying to arrest him, but... This time it felt like something shattered.
I could feel my control slip away completely as magic just flooded the auditorium. I think I was crying. I think I screamed. The next thing I remember was seeing Seth looking concerned. Then I flew. My mind didn't even register the fact that it wasn't night anymore. Any chance I'd had of catching up to him was shattered the moment I was.
I should probably apologize to everyone for that... As far as I'm aware, there was no lasting harm. The freeze was more of a- overnight stasis I suppose. I should have been more worried about Seth getting 'kidnapped' too, but... maybe I just knew in my heart that they wouldn't hurt him. And they didn't.
Gwen caught up to me eventually. And I cried. I don't know how long I cried. I think she tried to comfort me, but all I could feel was pain until at some point even that was just... numb.
Just like now.
I couldn't find him. Rescue and Hex couldn't find him. Not on this plane, they said. Rekken couldn't find him. Jumped from the tree into a portal at the water's surface. Gwen asked us to meet her at the tree to retrocognize what happened for more clues.
Gwen's vision started and- I saw them. Him. Gaius asked if he was sure. Narsus said he had to. Why did he think that?
Gaius said he should take my gift or they'd destroy it. Narsus handed it over.
Then he was gone.
Gaius spoke. To us? Did he know we'd come? He said the necklace had to stay. That it's the only way. He cut his hand, blood seeping into the hempen strand. Then he gave the gift to the tree, which reached out to take it from him. Gaius asked us to hurry.
The vision ended and the necklace was there, in Gwen's hand, still bloody. I think I was crying again. She offered it to me. Rescue asked for it. Hex can use it. I took it from her and gave it to him. Then I left.
Will they find a way to reach Montreal?
Will we be able to fix anything if they do?
What would I say if I see him again?
Will he even still be alive by then...
...
I don't know. At this point I only know one thing.
I don't want to feel anymore.

## Interlude - Small Comfort

June 1st, 2019

Rhiannon wakes to the feel of a tiny rough tongue warmly licking her chin. Did the catblobs get into her room again...? She sighs as her eyes open blearily, puffy from another night of crying herself to sleep. Then she blinks in surprise. Rubs her eyes. Blinks again. Two small shining black eyes stare back at her from the furry white face of- a fox? It certainly looks like a white fox, but it's more the size of a young kitten.
It hops off her chest as she sits up straight in the bed, moving to sit in her lap and continuing to look up at Rhiannon expectantly. Its fluffy tail curls around, partly covering tiny paws. The sorceress continues to look down at it, stunned, before finally looking to the door. Then back at it. She speaks quietly to no one in particular, cautiously offering a hand.
"Now where did you come from..."
The fox doesn't speak as it tilts its head at her, yet Rhiannon senses something from it beyond words. It gives her hand a lick, followed by a rub with its soft head.
"You came because- the Winter Knight needed you? I wasn't certain I even still held that title... The Equinox and the Fey have seemingly wanted nothing to do with me since granting it."
The little white fluff ball stands up, almost indignantly, giving a small purring bark sound. It runs around in a circle on her lap.
"You're here to help. I wish I knew how you could..."
She can feel oncoming tears as her voice trembles slightly, but her eyes are cried dry and nothing comes out. Her new friend gives a soft, sad whine. Rhiannon checks her phone. She doesn't even know what day it is...
Saturday. No reason to get up then.
The weary girl lays back down and pulls the comforter up to her face while the little fox kneads itself a cushy spot in the covers on her chest. Rhiannon closes her eyes, gently petting the warm fur as she fades off to sleep again.
"Thanks anyway, Caden..."