Episode 21: Aging Cody Bonks

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## Episode Summary

Drew has taken the money from the Patreon to reinvest in Hollywood Film starring hologram child boy Cody Bonks

## Idea Details

* Idea: *Aging Cody Bonks*
* Creator of idea: Unknown
* Purpose of idea: We have a very exciting opportunity with us, because I took some of the podcast earnings, some of the earnings we get from the Patreon, and some of the earnings we get from uh just having uh putting our podcast - uh our advertisements. Right, we get $2 per download, um so we're making about $40,000 a month uh so we're took some of that money - I took some of that money - I took some - I took some - well you're gonna love this idea, Josiah. I - well, there's some things that you don't need to know. I'm kind of running that ship. Well the financial - the financial sort of end of things. Taking that money, investing it. My idea, well actually it's an investment plan, technically, uh looking at it. Um I have invested in a number of different uh well purchases, uh products that we are going to turn into a Hollywood film, Josiah. I have purchased rights to a film, I've purchased the script, the likeness to the actors, the uh music. I've purchased a Hollywood film. It's the rights to a - an unproduced 90's film - a child thriller about a secret agent. It's like uh *Catch That Kid* or *Cody Banks*. I bought a different movie: an unproduced 90's child thriller. And it was made specifically as a vehicle for uh for the actor Jonathan Lipnicki, who was the cutest little boy. We'll get little Jonathan Lipnicki, we can try and get Tom Cruise. It's a child thriller, we have Jonathan Lipnicki - well rights to his image as a child, and we've got the technology. We've got - what we're gonna do is I'm gonna wear a green screen suit and then we'll have - we'll have Jonathan Lipnicki projected onto me, and we have the technology to sort of use past footage uh to make him move around and make him seem he's a real being and not a still image projected on a man's body. Well here's - let me start with the plot, all right? There's a little boy played by Jonathan Lipnicki. This boy's named Jonathan Lipnicki - well he's not named Jonathan Lipnicki. He is played by - his image - his image will be projected onto me. Does that make sense to you? He'll be a little bit older, he'll be aged up. I'm not playing him. It's just an image that's being projected. During filming, it's gonna be projected onto me. Do you not understand how to make a film? Cause maybe I should be talking to somebody else. I won't be playing the role of the young boy, Josiah. This is what you don't understand. I'll just be standing there - I'll be completely green screened out, it'll be like I'm not even standing there, all right? The image of Jonathan Lipnicki - most of his footage was filmed when he was like 4 or 5, and in this film he's gonna be about 9, so we have to age up that footage, he's gonna be an aged up - I guess what they do is they put a lens on the projector to age up the image of Jonathan Lipnicki and that's going to be projected onto my body. You won't even see me there, it'll be like Jar Jar Binks. Now, I purchased the project as *Untitled Jonathan Lipnicki Project*.
* Timetable: *Aging Cody Bonks* is planned to be completed and released in 2020.
* Idea details:
	+ Josiah and Drew will move to Hollywood.
	+ Drew already purchased the rights to make the film, as well as the rights to the image of Jonathan Lipnicki.
	+ The working title of the movie was *Untitled Jonathan Lipnicki Project: New Johnny Lips Movie 2020: Cody Bonks*, but this was renamed to simply *Aging Cody Bonks*.
	+ *Aging Cody Bonks* will be filmed by projecting Jonathan Lipnicki onto Drew's body. Drew will be wearing a skin-tight green screen suit to facilitate this, and Jonathan Lipnicki's projection footage will be pieced together from his various roles from when he was 4 or 5 years old, but aged up so he appears to be about 9 years old. To ensure the scaling is proportional to Drew's adult man body, the sets will be about 10 to 20% larger than normal, and the other actors Drew interacts with will be large actors like Brad Garrett.
	+ *Aging Cody Bonks* is planned to be completed and released in 2020.
	+ *Aging Cody Bonks* will take place in the near future.
	+ Jonathan Lipnicki's aged up 9 year old body projected onto Drew's skin-tight green screen suit-wearing adult man body will play the character of Cody Bonks, but people will refer to the boy body projected onto Drew as Johnny Lips on set.
	+ The plot of *Aging Cody Bonks* revolves around Cody Bonks's dad dying of a rare parasite in his spine. This is a little bit of a nod to the movie *Parasite* and it is also a metaphor for capitalism. Cody Bonks has to steal a serum from Dr. Cortex in his lab so he can cure his father. Dr. Cortex is a big pharmaceutical industry.
	+ *Aging Cody Bonks* was written in the 90's but has been sitting around unproduced ever since.
	+ Drew found the script for *Aging Cody Bonks* just sitting there in his email after somebody emailed it to him.
	+ Drew purchased the rights to *Pedal To The Metal* by Kazzer to serve as the theme song for *Aging Cody Bonks*. All it cost him was a handshake.
	+ Cody Bonks's dad is barely in the film and he dies early on. Cody Bonks has to deal with his father's death throughout the film.
	+ The first part of the film is about go-karts and Cody Bonks getting the serum from Dr. Cortex, and the second part of the film is about family coming together to grieve and looking at the life of an imperfect man who they all loved and who loved them back.
	+ Tracey Ullman will play the role of Cody Bonks's father. Having the father role played by a woman will keep the movie from becoming too dude bro centric.
	+ The evil Dr. Cortex will be played by either Hugh Laurie, based on his audition tape for *House, M.D.*, or John C. McGinley, based on his audition tape for *Scrubs*.
	+ Brad Garrett's role was not specified.
	+ The budget for *Aging Cody Bonks* will come from the Patreon money, plus some that Drew will kick in, so it will come to around $400.
	+ Josiah will direct *Aging Cody Bonks*.
	+ *Bullet In My Hand* by Redlight King will feature prominently in the scene where Cody Bonks's father dies.
	+ There will be a 45 to 50-minute post-credits scene after the father dies where Cody Bonks dies at the beginning and turns into a ghost. This will involve the aged up projection of Jonathan Lipnicki simply disappearing, like in *Avengers: Infinity War*. It is hinted that Thanos will be responsible for Cody Bonks's death.

## Devil Play

* Josiah played devil by pointing out that the proportions of Drew's adult body are incorrect to be that of a young boy. He suggested that to give Drew the appearance of being a young boy, they should make the sets 10 to 20% larger.
	+ Drew noted that to make this work, they would also need larger actors, so Tom Cruise is out. He also noted that he thought it was a great idea and that he loves Josiah.

## Notable Events

* This episode introduced a new segment called Who Is Drew Dating Right Now? which involves asking Drew if he is dating anyone.
* Josiah revealed that he and Drew had developed a show bible early on to plan out certain major milestones in the podcast's life. Drew had originally made a note that he would be dating someone by now.
* Push It To The Left Challenge
	+ Use the hashtag #pushittotheleft or #pushthecabinettotheleft or #pushedthecabinettotheleft along with the hashtag #speakeronthefloor, with your uploaded videos showing you pushing a cabinet to the left while your speakers are on the floor. This will signify to political leaders to move to the left.
* World Wide Wednesday
* In lieu of a Seg-Mind this week, Drew told a story about two young boys who came up with ideas to start a podcast, one of whom came up with the idea one day before the other did. These two boys became so powerful, influential, and wealthy with their podcast that they were able to make the lateral move into Hollywood filmmaking. This story then segued beautifully into the main topic discussed in the episode, *Aging Cody Bonks*.
* Drew showed Josiah the trailer for *Catch That Kid*.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video review of *Catch That Kid*.
* Josiah and Drew watched an interview of Jonathan Lipnicki.
* Drew revealed that he does not have a hairy chest.
* Josiah and Drew watched another interview of Jonathan Lipnicki.
* Josiah and Drew watched Hugh Laurie's audition tape for *House, M.D.*
* Josiah and Drew watched John C. McGinley's audition tape for *Scrubs*.
* Hollyworld Wide
* Josiah and Drew debated which of them should be credited with the idea for this episode since Josiah contributed the name *Aging Cody Bonks*, the 20% size, and Brad Garrett, while Drew contributed Johnny Lips, the script, Dr. House, Dr. Perry Cox, and Kazzer, in addition to conceiving of the idea. To resolve the issue of who should be credited with the idea for *Aging Cody Bonks*, Josiah and Drew agreed that credit would be determined by Globe Hell Wiki. Recognizing the objectivity of Globe Hell Wiki in general matters, they requested a subjective determination on the origin of the *Aging Cody Bonks* idea.
* World Wide Films Distributions

## Notable Quotes

### Josiah

* "We're changing the world, one day - one - we're changing the world one change at a time. One change - just do - all you need to do everyday is one change, and eventually you'll have changed the whole gull-darn uh globe world."
* "And so what - we're way off schedule and no one cares about politics anymore so we're fucked on that front too. Uh so the - so who are you - so are - who are you dating?"
* "You've been dating your checks that you're donating to the Proud Boys. Um which is why you're wearing a polo. You lay out a polo to wear everyday."
* "[In response to Drew saying 'Karen'] Some people consider that a slur, the word Karen. I know that's one of the - you - I guess when people like you have used much worse slurs in their life, then it's kind of - to use the lesser one, is kind of - you've already crossed that threshold."
* "You're giving the homeless a toy wood car? That will be the first time - that will be the first time you've ever given someone else wood."
* "So the p- so the uh the - uh - uh - the - the 'lect - the 'lection's o- over. And so our w- wuh - we need to push them le- to the left. So then what - I guess that - so now w- our - now our show is about p- uh that. Pushing to the left."
* "Just need to push them all to - p- take your cabinet - if they're - just go to your kitchen and take your cabinet and push it to the left. And you might need to get some equipment."
* "Can you do that - can you do - I mean, is a cabinet by definition attached to the w- wall? Are you gonna wreck the drywall if you do that? Or can you have a cabinet that's not attached and push it to the left? Cause if you could - if you could - this could be the movement! This could be like the ice bu- the ice bucket challenge. Push your cabinet to the left! Yeah, I think you could do this! Go on wairfayr- f- wayfair.ca, buy the Langley Street Gardner Multimedia Cabinet. $303.99. Pretty good price. It's on sale. Free shipping. Maybe we can get a promo code or something. You buy this cabinet, they've - they've got a Crosley record player rest- resting on top of it. Buy this cabinet, assemble it, and then just film yourself pushing it to the left - let's just get - what should our hashtag be?"
* "I want a lot of screeching noises. I want to hear a lot of screeching."
* "If you - your cabinet is - cause also that's the other thing, with damage deposits, is you don't want to be scratching the floor up with your furniture. I've lost quite a bit of money on that before, so I bought these - at the dollar store - I just bought some little nubbies to put underneath my various coffee tables or whatever. Uh and so hopefully your cabinet does have that on the bottom, but if it does, then you need to provide the screeching noise with your mouth as you do it. And if there's - if there's bumps in the floor, you need to go 'err bump - err bump - err bump'. You know, analyze the floor of the - the floor also I think is a thing, right? The speaker has the floor. Uh so you could put your speakers on the floor."
* "[On the topic of Drew waking up first and having the idea for Globe Hell Warning first before Josiah did] I think he woke up cause he had - had another wet dream."
* "Big holiday coming up in December. Keep an eye out for that."
* "Maybe you should stop assuming everyone knows as much as you, and help them instead. Fuckin' snob."
* "[In response to Drew saying that everyone pulls from their own experiences] For some of you - for some - for some people - for some people, pulling is your only experience."
* "[In response to Drew saying he pulls tail] Yeah yeah the f- the tail - the little nub of a tail that you have in front of - your b- of - in your body!"
* "[In response to Drew doing a good segue] This is absolutely flawless. Maybe the first time you've ever done anything uh well in your life."
* "Well your storytelling skills are lacking, but your segue skills are unparalleled."
* "I love the crackle of the vinyls on this."
* "[On the topic of Drew hiding revenue generated by the podcast and then spending it without consulting Josiah] I mean, I'm - right now, I'm feeling a sort of simmering rage, but I'm willing to listen to how you've invested it and I hope that you did not invest it all in fidget spinners. Just a bit of topical joke, what you can get on this show is topical humour. And what Drew needs is a topical cream for his uh nasty little pud."
* "Your IP address is your pants. The location of where you pee."
* "[In response to Drew saying that he doesn't see faces a lot of the time] You're just mostly staring at their bodies?"
* "Well I thought that we were doing this together, I thought that you were gonna help me along the way. I forgot that you're - I forgot that you're an elitist piece of shit who doesn't help others."
* "You're too big to be boy. I'm sorry. You're a big boy. You're a man. You're a man! And I respect you as a man. But you can't be boy! So what I'm saying to you is: if you're gonna be boy, then what you gotta do is you gotta make sure that everything around you is maybe 10 or 20% larger than it normally would be on the set so that you still have the appearance of being - cause I understand this is some kind of wush - wish - wish fulfillment for you to have what Jonathan Lipnicki had, and that's fair. I didn't wanna say out loud I see what you're trying to do and I wanna help you on your path, but what I'm saying to you is if it's gonna work, you need to make sure that you're boy size, and so what we need to do is we need to make sure all of the sets are 10 to 20% - I know you're not - you're not a towering, tall man - we need to just make sure the sets are 10 to 20% larger than normal size so that you still appear to be a 9 year old boy."
* "Well I'm trying to finish what I'm saying, which is that you're a piece of shit."
* "Yeah, I've got an asshole and his name is Drew and he's my cohost. He's my assistant, more like."
* "Drew, what is the movie called? Hey Drew, welcome to Globe Hell Warning, my cohost whom I share my life with. I have a easy question for you for once, I'm not gonna dick around, I'm not gonna do a goof on you, I just have a simple question: what's your movie called that you're making us talk about? What's the title of it? What is the movie called, Drew? Hey Drew, what's the movie called?"
* "[In response to Drew saying he is a polite person] Uh let me just check my calendar to see if it's Opposite Day today when you say stuff like that. No, it's not."
* "You know what could be kinda cool, cause you keep talking about aging him up, and I know that you - this is a - maybe you've forgotten that this is a recurring theme in your life, because you also talked about it a lot on the World Wide Boy episode - um I think you just - something about aging up little boys is something that really seems to follow you around, but what if we - what if we ditched this whole title and called the movie *Aging Cody Bonks*?"
* "You're a dumpster. You're a cum dumpster. That's what people call you. People do call you that. Not me, but."
* "For fuck's sake."
* "Shut the fuck up."
* "I kind of think that it would make the film a little bit better if Jonathan Lipnicki had died. I just think it's a bit weird to make a hologram movie about someone if they're still alive. So either we need to wait until he dies or we need to uh be proactive about it."

### Drew

* "[In response to Josiah's question about what outfit Drew might lay out for himself the night before] Well a pair of oversized khakis, uh pleated khakis, uh a belt, a uh - a polo shirt that's too small, and a cowboy hat."
* "The only thing that I've been dating is you. Carbon dating. Carbon dating."
* "[In response to Josiah coughing] You all right over there? You stupid piece of shit? Nice cough, dumbass."
* "Should we do the show, Josiah? Or do you just want to harass me? Say - you say awful things about me. And you expect me to just - just uh take it. But guess what, Josiah? I carbon dated you, and guess what? It said you're fucking old. And guess what? Guess - guess what? Guess what, Josiah? You're - you're also the - you're also the boss Karen. The - you're also the end boss Karen."
* "That's a good idea, actually. If - if - if people - I mean it's n- it's not - it's not gonna uh immediately change anything, but if we can get something trending on Twitter of people pushing their cabinets to the left um-"
* "So yes, please get - have - in the video, please show that your speakers are on the floor as you push the cabinet left, and this will be the hashtag: hashtag - #speakeronthefloor."
* "[On the topic of helping the political situation] And you know what? Why don't you get a bunch of walnuts, and throw them onto the street, and say 'that's the 1%'."
* "There once was a boy named Josiah, and one day he woke up and decided 'I'm gonna create a podcast'. And then another boy woke up and his name was Drew, and he woke up - I'm not telling - he woke up a day earlier and said 'I have a great idea for a podcast'. That was the day before Josiah thought of it. Well then turn the music down! Turn the music down! For fuck's sake, Josiah. The two - the two boys, Drew and Josiah, decided to start a podcast called - but it was Drew's idea first - he woke up first and had the idea first before Josiah did. Josiah did? Really? Because in this story, Josiah's - Josiah's balls are filled with - with - with cum because nothing - they've s- they've been stored in there. He's retaining. He's retaining for his - to store his energy and become more alpha-male. Right, but a day before, someone else had the same idea. I'm just saying that they both had the same idea. Day before. But it really doesn't matter who had the i - idea first."
* "[In response to Josiah saying that pulling is some people's only experience] Yeah, pulling tai - \*cough\* pulling tail!"
* "You know what, Josiah? Here's the th- here's the uh - here's the other part of the story. These two boys - not only did they start a podcast, they eventually became so powerful, so influential, and so wealthy, that they were able to make the move into Hollywood filmmaking. And they were able to purchase the rights to a very exciting project and these two boys became famous and rich beyond their wildest dreams."
* "No, you don't have to cover up your IP address!"
* "I honestly don't see faces a lot of the time."
* "It's so difficult to talk - to talk to people like you who don't understand anything about filmmaking."
* "I'm not trying to catch these kids, Josiah! It's going to be a - it's not even going to be a film about catching those kids."
* "You fucking idiot."
* "Oh for fuck's sake."
* "Well then go back, stupid! Shut up, Josiah!"
* "We play devil, but you're playing Satan right now."
* "OK well that's your opinion, and guess what? Everybody's got an asshole, and just like an opinion."
* "[After watching an interview of Jonathan Lipnicki as a child] What a piece of shit."
* "Well, I guess that's an idea. It's not a good one."
* "He's the king of porno."
* "[On the topic of Jonathan Lipnicki dying eventually] Well we can't wait around for that, he's younger than us!"

## Trivia

* This is the second main episode to exclude both the words "World" and "Wide" from the title, after Bus.
* This is Drew's second idea revolving around aging up a little boy, after Episode 11: The World Wide Boy.