Noah Hassan

"The Slavic people deserve nothing more than to meet thier maker. That, or my fist."

### Aliases

Master of all Trades, Weeb, Discount Chad Rex

## Biographical information

### Date of birth

That one day of that one month in that one year.

## Appearances

### Appears in

Xenoblade Chronicles 12: Mio Gets Dementia and Abuses Her Son

### Debut

Character Kart 8

Noah Hassan is a complex and enigmatic figure, whose life story is filled with twists and turns. His legacy remains a subject of debate among experts and observers, with some seeing him as a villain and others as a victim of circumstance. Noah is a fan favorite among players of Character Kart Racing, thanks to his unique driving style and aggressive personality. He is only accessible through cheat codes or hacks, making pre-hacked copies of the Character Kart Racing games he appears in highly sought after by dedicated fans.

## Bio

Noah Hassan was born in Surrey, England, into a poor family of immigrants from Pakistan. His parents struggled to make ends meet, working long hours in low-paying jobs while trying to raise their children in a foreign land. From a young age, Noah showed signs of being intelligent and resourceful, but he also had a tendency towards violence and aggression. At the age of 15, he joined a local gang involved in petty crime and drug dealing, eventually becoming one of its leaders. However, he quickly grew dissatisfied with the small-scale nature of their operations and began looking for bigger opportunities.

It wasn't long before he caught the attention of a group of Islamic extremists who were recruiting new members for their cause. Noah saw this as a chance to make a real difference and become someone important, so he signed up without hesitation. Over time, he rose through the ranks and became a key player in the organization, involved in planning and executing attacks across Europe. But even as he committed acts of terrorism in the name of Allah, he remained conflicted about his actions, wondering if they were truly justified.

Noah had always been interested in making money, and when he heard about the lucrative business of human trafficking, he saw it as a way to get rich quick. He began smuggling migrants from West Africa into Europe, using his contacts in the criminal world to facilitate the journey. One day, he met a famous pop star named Jason Donovan while traveling through Guinea. The two struck up a conversation and became fast friends, bonding over their shared love of music and desire for the eradiction of all Slavic people. They spent many weeks together, partying and exploring the country's rugged terrain. However, their idyllic lifestyle came crashing down when they were ambushed by government forces, who had been tipped off about their activities. In the chaos, Noah managed to escape by clinging onto a stray camel but lost track of Jason, who was captured and later revealed to have been working undercover for Interpol all along. Despite his anger at being betrayed, Noah couldn't help but admire the man's courage and dedication to justice.

During the Iran-Iraq War, Noah saw an opportunity to make a fortune by supplying weapons and other goods to both sides. He quickly established himself as one of the most successful arms dealers in the region, using his connections to move shipments across the border and avoid detection. But he also took advantage of the chaos to engage in other illicit activities, such as kidnapping and torturing political dissidents. His reputation for brutality soon spread far beyond Iraq, earning him enemies among both the government and the opposition. Eventually, he was caught trying to smuggle stolen artifacts out of the country and sentenced to death. However, he escaped once again, this time with the aid of a corrupt official who owed him a favor.

While on the run from authorities, Noah found himself in Syria, where he stumbled upon a training camp for ISIS, led by none other than Chad Rex himself. Noah soon found out that they are both active terroists and had similar lives and carrer paths. Noah was impressed by Chad Rex's dedication to jihad and saw him as a kindred spirit. The two struck up a conversation and spent several weeks together, discussing strategy and tactics for a potential bombing of Buckingham Palace. However, Noah ultimately decided not to join Chad Rex's organization, citing personal differences such as their taste in Japanese pop music. He felt that he couldn't fully commit to a cause that didn't align with his love of Matsuda Momoka.

In a twist of fate, Noah met a wonderful catgirl named Mio while disposing of the bodies of several orphaned children he had murdered. Despite this grisly past, they hit it off immediately and began a passionate relationship. They spent time playing music together, eating at exotic restaurants and beating homosexual people. Their happiness came crashing down one day as members of Mio's former gang tracked her down and exacted revenge for her betrayal. Noah was forced to watch helplessly as they executed her in a brutal display of violence, leaving him scarred for about 5 minutes before he was distracted by a 3 for 2 offer on ice lollies at the local deli.

Noah arrived in Morocco after years of living on the run, tired of always moving place to place and eager for a chance to settle down. He soon found work with a criminal organization involved in drug trafficking and money laundering, using his expertise to rise through the ranks. However, he became disillusioned with their methods and began plotting to overthrow the leader, whom he saw as weak and not as corrupt as he would like. With the help of a few highly intelligent and possibly invincible super pigs, he successfully assassinated the man and took control of the group. Sadly, his reign was short-lived, as authorities soon cracked down on his operation. He managed to avoid getting captured by using the "Sadam Hussain" method of hiding.

Eventually, Noah's luck ran out and he was arrested by the authorities for plotting an assassination attempt against the country's president. He was imprisoned and sentenced to life in prison, but managed to escape after several years thanks to his connections within the criminal underworld. With nowhere else to turn, he fled to Zanzibar, where he tried to start a new life as a legitimate businessman. However, his past soon caught up with him when he was found guilty of falsifying cotton candy and selling it as high-quality fabric. He was deported back to Morocco, where he was eventually executed for his crimes.

The news of Noah's execution sparked mixed reactions around the world. Some praised it as a victory against terrorism and a message to would-be criminals that they cannot escape justice. Others mourned the loss of a misunderstood genius who had been driven to desperate measures by poverty and oppression. One newspaper quoted a local fisherman as saying, "I don't know anything about this guy, I've just snorted a kilogram of caviar and I can hear the colour blue." In a bizarre twist of fate, Noah's parents were killed in a freak elevator accident just days after his execution, leaving behind a family forever changed by their son's actions and legacy.

## Default Vehicle

Noah Hassan's default vehicle is a heavily modified 2003 Ford Mondeo. The car's sturdy frame and powerful engine allow him to handle even the most challenging corners and hills. At some point an unruly group of fairies graffitied all over his car, citing that his hairstyle was gay and that he should cut it. Despite its questionable origins, many fans appreciate the car's unique look and performance, making it a popular choice for those looking to make an impression on the leaderboard.

## Special talents

Noah Hassan has a wide array of talents, similar to Chad Rex.

His talents consist of:

Terrorism - Noah has connections to many terroist agencies that aren't ISIS and can use them to wage war with any Slavic racers (He hates them)

Money Laundering - Using the talents he has accrued over his lifetime, Noah can hold more coins than any other racer in the game.

Idol Fan - Noah has a deep love of Japanese Idol Matsuda Momoka and will instantly kill any racer that makes any minor implication of dissaproval. The only exception to this is Chad Rex.