Stone 48

**Chapter 48**

We return now to Richard, Verna and Du Chaillu as they travel through the Baka Ban Mana lands. Oh, that business at the end of chapter 43, about wolves howling and someone dying violently? Utterly forgotten. \~/ Verna and Du Chaillu, who I shall now be calling Rapegirl, are apparently at odds, and Rapegirl is no longer *“chatty and open,”* but has become *“haughty and distant.”*

They reach a *“sandy, open area”* where Rapegirl says her people will join them. She disappears into the forest, telling Richard to wait and calling him *“magic man.”* Verna tells Richard that Rapegirl is going to try to kill him, and that she (Verna) has been casting small spells on her for a while now, to no effect.

Verna tells Richard that he's going to have to defend them both, as they are about thirty people sneaking up on them and her Force is inexplicably useless. \~/ I love *deus ex machinas,* don't you? Richard makes the hilariously ironic statement that *“I am the Seeker, not an assassin.”* \~/

Verna says that Richard must use *“the prophecy”* to survive. Apparently *“the prophecy says the holder of the sword is able to call the dead forth, call the past into the present.”* Gee, it sure would be nice if we lowly readers could **read the stupid prophecy,** eh?

In *Macbeth*, Macbeth is told that *“none of woman born”* can harm him. It is therefore dramatic and yet logical when, later in the play, we learn that Macbeth's enemy MacDuff was *“from his mother's womb/untimely ripp'd,”* and he is thus not “of woman born.” This is a good prophecy because it sets up a seemingly-impossible situation early on, and is resolved in a satisfying manner later in the story. This is how you write a *good* prophecy.

The way to write a *bad* prophecy is to never let the readers read the damn thing, and to keep dribbling out bits and pieces of it here and there, usually just before or just after the hero fulfills them. It is unsatisfying because there's no time for the reader to ponder the prophecy and wonder how or whether it will be fulfilled. It's like learning what your goals were only after you've accomplished them: there's no anticipation, and hence no satisfaction.

Anyway, Richard and Verna bitch at each other, and Richard acknowledges to himself that he is *not* Awesome McBadass with a sword; that in the past, he's relied heavily on the sword's magic. Which doesn't actually make much sense; nothing about the Sword of the Homicidal Hobo indicates that it makes one a better swordsman.

Verna says that the Baka Ban Mana *“have special fighters, blade masters, who train from sunup to sundown, every day. And then they train by the light of the moon. Fighting is almost a religion to them.”*

Okay, I have to take exception to this. This is an *insane* amount of dedication to swordfighting, even assuming it's somewhat exaggerated. Based on Rapegirl's example, we have no reason to believe the BBM are anything more than a tribe; there's been no mention of cities or town, for instance, and details like her “prayer dress” and calling Richard a “magic man” do not indicate advanced civilization. As such, there should not logically be the resources to allow for a corps of swordsmen so dedicated that they literally do nothing but train. I could possibly accept this of a culture large and advanced enough to have a standing army, but there's no indication that this is the case here.

Second, training ≠ actual combat. There's considerable difference between dueling with practice swords in a controlled environment, and facing someone who is trying their best to kill you in unfamiliar terrain. Yes, training is useful and valuable, and all else being equal advanced training has the edge, but extensive training does not automatically make someone a badass warrior.

Anyway. Richard sneak around with his l33t wood guide skillz and knocks out a spearman in short order. Suddenly he is surrounded by a double ring of spearmen, all wearing *“bark-colored loose clothes”* that cover everything but their eyes, and all somehow armed with shields, spears, swords and staves simultaneously. I have no idea how that works. The blade masters start circle-dancing around Richard and Rapegirl appears. Richard is all, Why are you doing this? Rapegirl explains that, although she is grateful to Richard for saving her, he's still a *“magic man,”* and they're going to *“execute you for stealing our sacred lands.”* Apparently the BBM kill all wizards because their ancestors were chased out of the Valley of the Lost and Found by wizards. The BBM believe that if they stop killing wizards, Satan will be freed...somehow.

After more talking Richard draws the Sword of the Homicidal Hobo and somehow *deus ex machinas* a new power out of it. Specifically...*”Others had used the Sword of Truth's magic, and in the bargain, the magic retained a memory of their talents at fighting, of every move in which it had ever been used. The talents of untold hundreds who had wielded this blade...”* Including Gollum, I would presume.

So Richard is SOMEHOW able to tap into the knowledge of every Seeker before him. Somehow. \~/ Now, this could be a fairly interesting magical weapon ability, tempered with the proper drawbacks, *if it was set up as such.* In this case, it is simply created and employed instantaneously to give Richard more unearned power.

Richard fights with the blade masters for about a page, inflicting nonfatal wounds like severing hands, and periodically yelling at Rapegirl. Eventually he has to go lethal in order to not be killed, and he slaughters all thirty blade masters in a page. The phrase *“bringer of death”* is used several times.

Yeah, no. At thirty-on-one, your only choices are whether you die quick or die slow, and that's before taking into account that the thirty are all highly-skilled swordmasters. It's not a matter of how awesome you are with a blade; it's simply human reflexes and the laws of physics.

\~/\~/

Rapegirl declares that Richard is *“the* Caharin,” which turns out to mean *“The one who dances with the spirits.”* The *Caharin,* we learn, is supposed to *“stop the Dark Spirit* [i.e., Satan] *from taking the world of the living.”* Furthermore, the BBM are *“no longer a free people, but bound to [the* Caharin's] *wishes.”*

Hmm...I am reminded of another fantasy series, in which the protagonist must prove his worth to a culture of incredibly deadly warriors. Said protagonist, who was also a wizard, was spoken of in prophecy, wielded a legendary sword, and was destined to fight the Dark One. Upon earning the respect of the fierce and deadly warriors – who, incidentally, cover their faces with dark cloth when in battle – the protagonist became known as the *“Car'a'carn,”* and their absolute leader.

I notice that *The Shadow Rising* was published in 1992, while *Stone of Tears* was published in 1995. Interesting.

Moving on...Richard chews Rapegirl out for forcing him to slaughter thirty people. Rapegirl retorts that only through death would the *Caharin* learn to dance with the spirits, and thus the death of the thirty blademasters was necessary. Except...it totally wasn't. Richard unlocked his new achievement *before* slaughtering the BBM blademasters; had they stopped attacking him after he cut off a few hands, he would still have learned to “dance with the spirits” without having you kill a bunch of really stupid people.

I would be less picky about this if the rest of the book had built up any shred of goodwill. It has not.

Richard tells Rapegirl that he will never forgive her and that she has taken something precious from him. I'm not sure what he's referring to here. Rapegirl snaps back *“Do not speak to me of sacrifice,”* explaining that her five husbands were among the thirty blademasters Richard just slaughtered.

Tangent: Is Rapegirl more worthy of pity as a rape victim and someone who had to watch her husbands die as soon as she was freed, or scorn as someone who chose to send her husbands to their deaths in an attempt to murder her rescuer? Discuss.

Richard responds by grovelling before Rapegirl, begging her to forgive him for...doing what she forced him to do. \~/ Rapegirl waves all that aside \~/ and says that it's now up to Richard to *“do your duty...and return our land, as the old words tell us.”*

No, we lowly readers don't get to read the *“old words,”* much less learn any more about where they came from, who said/wrote them, or where or how they are recorded. Don't be ridiculous. \~/

This apparently means that Richard will give the Valley of the Lost and Found back to the BBM though no one knows how. Anyway, Richard orders Rapegirl to do what he already told her and enforce a peace between the BBM and the Majendie. Rapegirl says she will and casually mentions that she and Richard are now married. Her reasoning? The *Caharin* is married to the *“spirit woman,”* she who wears the prayer dress.

So, the BBM have no marriage customs, no ritual, **at all?**

\~/\~/

Drinks: 11

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