Frenemies

**A friendship as cuddly as a cactus.**

> **Friend:** Thanks for inviting me over! I wasn’t sure if we ever were going to hang out.
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> **You:** Yeah! Thanks for sending me 37 text messages about it so I wouldn’t forget.
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Ending Dialogue:

> **Friend:** I LITERALLY can’t believe that story you just told.
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> **You:** Yeah, it was pretty crazy.
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> **Friend:** Oh, this is awkward! I mean I don’t believe it. Are you sure you remember it correctly?
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### Caustic Companions

Starting Dialogue:

> **Friend:** I just wanted to say how much I admire your boldness. Not everyone can pull off that look!
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> **You:** Thanks! Wait, what look?
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> **Friend:** Exactly! It’s so raw and unfinished. Dumpy-chic, if you will.
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Ending Dialogue:

> **You:** SO GREAT hanging out with you! Maybe next time we can talk about something more substantial, though? JK! I love our little chats.
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> **Friend:** Sure! I was just trying to talk about stuff you could understand.
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### Truly Toxic

Starting Dialogue:

> **Friend:** I took a neat personality test yesterday. Want me to send the link to you?
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> **You:** Did you get “narcissist”? Just kidding, hahaha!
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> **Friend:** I love how funny you are! Your sense of humor is so far out there that you might say it isn’t even humor.
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Ending Dialogue:

> **Friend:** I guess it’s time for me to leave. Your eyes are looking kind of tired and baggy.
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> **You:** Wow, you’re so observant. Too bad you can’t use that power to pick up on social cues.
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> **Friend:** Bye! Have a great day!
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### Malicious Mates

Starting Dialogue:

> **You:** Before I forget, I got something for your upcoming birthday.
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> **Friend:** Wow, thank you! Oh, anti-aging cream?
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> **You:** It’s never too early to start, especially for someone who frowns as much as you do. Like right now! You’re welcome.
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Ending Dialogue:

> **Friend:** I’m glad we’re friends! This news article headline says you should surround yourself with positive people.
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> **You:** Did you even read the whole article or did you just read the headline and send it anyway?
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> **Friend:** If I read the whole article, I’m sure it would have been depressing and then I couldn’t be the positive person you need in your life.
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### Bitter Buds

Starting Dialogue:

> **Friend:** So glad you wanted to hang out! Let’s take Simstagram stories together!
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> **You:** Ooh, I don’t know if we’re at combined Simstagram stories level of friendship yet.
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> **Friend:** Too late! I got a video of you saying that, so now all I need is an animated GIF of a crying potato and... posted!
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Ending Dialogue:

> **Friend:** Are you sure you don’t want to see any more pictures of the dinner I ate last night? The dessert was pretty fancy!
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> **You:** No, I have... um... ants! An ant problem.
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> **Friend:** Oh yeah, you don’t want to share your home with something that annoying.
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### Disastrous Duo

Starting Dialogue:

> **Friend:** Oh, hey. Did you get the invitation to my party? It says you saw it at 2:06 PM.
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> **You:** Oh, yeah! I’ll totally definitely be there, but if I’m not, it doesn’t mean we aren’t friends because we totally are.
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> **Friend:** Totally! You’re my closest friend.
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Ending Dialogue:

> **You:** Always nice of you to drop by!
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> **Friend:** It’s always nice to get out of the house and exercise once in a while. You should try it!
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### Spiteful Sidekicks

Starting Dialogue:

> **You:** I was thinking of volunteering at the hospital to do something productive with my spare time.
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> **Friend:** That’s so nice! Oh, you can tell them that story that always puts me to sleep.
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> **You:** That was me trying to have a conversation with you, but you fell asleep when we stopped talking about you.
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Ending Dialogue:

> **Friend:** Does our friendship mean anything to you? Like if I was falling off a cliff, would you save me?
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> **You:** Hmm. For this scenario, you first have to tell me if I was the one who pushed you off the cliff.
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### Antagonist Allies

Starting Dialogue:

> **Friend:** If you were stranded on a desert island, how many friends would you take with you? Would I be one of them?
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> **You:** Usually being stranded means you don’t get to plan ahead.
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> **Friend:** Ugh, I know we’re friends, but you really suck the fun out of stuff sometimes. Even desert island scenarios.
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Ending Dialogue:

> **Friend:** I love how we’re so honest with each other. Like I can tell you I think you really slum it when it comes to romance. JK!
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> **You:** And I can tell you that your personality is like dumping a salt shaker into my mouth. JK, JK!
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### Sarcastic Saboteurs

Starting Dialogue:

> **Friend:** I got all your text messages. You called me an “ignoramus” a lot.
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> **You:** Oh, that’s just auto correct. I meant to type “bestie”.
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Ending Dialogue:

> **Friend:** I’m glad we’ve become SOOOOO close. I feel like we just finish each other’s...
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> **You:** GAH, cant you just stop talking for ONE second?! I mean... yeah, totally! Yay friends!
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