Janitor

The Janitor is a character you only meet in the wards between levels. You can talk to him to get one of many lines of dialogue.

His dialogue changes after certain levels are opened. You do not have to complete the level to change the dialogue. Some levels do not have unique dialogue and will instead use a default phrase, with the exception of Chinese New Year, where Janitor is hidden.

Janitor's dialogues are listed below.

## Act 1 Expand/Collapse

### Samurai Techno Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: Did you see that samurai-looking dude?

 Janitor: What's his deal? Is he like, going to a convention or something?

### Samurai Dubstep Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: I saw you operating on that samurai guy again. It got me thinking.

 Janitor: He could be some sort of history nerd cosplaying in intricate armor. OR MAYBE...

 Janitor: ...he entered some sort of time rift, and woke up hundreds of years in the future.

 Janitor: I'll keep my eyes on him and I'll let ya know.

### Intimate Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: Did you see those two kiddos?

 Janitor: They totally have a thing for each other, that's what I think.

 Janitor: You would think I got the scoop from "eavesdropping", but...

 Janitor: ...they just talk really loud, we can all hear them down the hall.

### Intimate (Night) Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: Are those teens officially dating, or what?

 Janitor: I always see 'em walking around, holdin' hands, being all mushy.

 Janitor: Next thing I know, they're crying and everything's all awkward between them.

 Janitor: Teenagers are so DRAMATIC.

 Janitor: Love ain't so complicated! Just ask each other out to a movie and get it over with!

### Battleworn Insomniac Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: Either I'm going crazy, or there are TWO sword-swinging dudes walking around.

 Janitor: I don't get paid enough for this...

## Act 2 Expand/Collapse

### Lo-fi Hip-Hop Beats To Treat Patients To Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: That hoodie guy keeps tryin' to get me to listen to his electronic music.

 Janitor: I'm tryin' to clean toilets and he's hittin' me up with all these "24/7 chill vibe" things.

 Janitor: I don't even know what the heck that means.

 Janitor: I don't get paid enough for this...

### wish i could care less Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: Hey doc, quick question.

 Janitor: Why does that hoodie guy's room look like some kind of vacation getaway?

 Janitor: Meanwhile, my "Janitor's Office" is a broom closet with a child-size desk squeezed in it?

 Janitor: I'm not trying to start trouble! I'm just asking...

 Janitor: ...when the hoodie guy feels all better and goes home, can I have his room?

### Supraventricular Tachycardia Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: That hoodie guy keeps chuggin' coffee. Look at him go!

 Janitor: He's really putting those down, huh?

 Janitor: Don't come cryin' to me if he, uh, makes a mess.

### Puff Piece Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: We've got a cafe in the building. Have you checked it out?

 Janitor: Rush hour must be a real pain, that girl running the joint always has a sour look on her face.

 Janitor: I only see her lighten up when that hoodie dude comes around.

### Song of the Sea Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: I heard you playing piano in the cafe earlier.

 Janitor: Not gonna lie, it sounded like you were straight-up just mashin' on the keys.

 Janitor: I'm not sayin' it was bad! I'm just sayin' what I heard.

 Janitor: Is that how the pros are doing it these days?

### Song of the Sea (Night) Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: Did you know that barista girl always spells my name wrong on the cup?

 Janitor: Every single time.

 Janitor: I've been here for five years, and she still doesn't know my name? Geez...

### All The Times Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: Just when I thought things couldn't get any weirder around here...

 Janitor: ...that hoodie dude and the coffee girl are singing at each other across the hall.

 Janitor: And y'know what? I can dig it.

 Janitor: I've always been a sucker for a cute duet. Keeps things lively around here.

## Act 3 Expand/Collapse

### Sleepy Garden Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: Those kids keep dancing around the plant room.

 Janitor: If they bump into a pot and break it, who do you think has to clean it up?

 Janitor: And now on top of that, there's a loose bird flying around?

 Janitor: I don't get paid enough for this...

### Classy Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: I just saw a dude in a suit bust in here and skip the whole line.

 Janitor: Was that the Health Secretary?

 Janitor: That guy's always yelling about medical workers on TV. Makin' us sound entitled.

 Janitor: So I stopped paying for cable. I don't need to watch the news.

 Janitor: If I wanted to get yelled at all day, I'd just come into work.

### Distant Duet Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: I know you're all having fun with your techno-magic healing buttons...

 Janitor: ...but who do you think is doing all the hard work caring for the patients?

 Janitor: Me and the nurse have been breaking our backs all day runnin' this place.

 Janitor: We're going back and forth, keeping this elderly couple fed, fixing their bedsheets, maintaining their rooms.

 Janitor: Glad you guys finally showed up to do something.

### Distant Duet (Night) Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: Can we trade jobs?

 Janitor: I'll do the rhythm button thing...

 Janitor: ...and you can sanitize the doorknobs, mop the floors, and listen to Mrs. Stevenson talk about her grandkids.

## Act 4 Expand/Collapse

### Training Doctor's Train Ride Performance Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: I thought I heard that you left to go on a trip.

 Janitor: Did you forget something?

 Janitor: Or do you just like talking to me?

### Invisible Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: Hey, wanna hear a story?

 Janitor: I'll take your silence as a "Yes, please."

 Janitor: That Ada Paige lady is pretty cool.

 Janitor: We don't talk much. I mostly just keep to myself.

 Janitor: But one time...she was working with this family.

 Janitor: The father was recovering from a heart attack.

 Janitor: He was in pretty poor health, so everything seemed a lil' touch-and-go for a while.

 Janitor: His wife and four kids kept visiting. The youngest son kept running around the halls, getting in our way.

 Janitor: It was a huge pain-in-the-neck, for me. Having a big family in here, on top of everything else.

 Janitor: Paige ignored the distractions. She worked hard, I could tell.

 Janitor: She not only operated the best she could, but also went the extra mile in talking to the kids.

 Janitor: The wife was so scared, she didn't know what to do without her husband to help.

 Janitor: It felt like we were all playing babysitter for her kids during that time, but Paige especially.

 Janitor: In the end, Paige was able to pull off whatever fancy operation she was doing in the guy's chest.

 Janitor: It was a success, he ended up totally fine.

 Janitor: And get this, when the family was celebrating, ready to leave and go home...

 Janitor: I saw Paige enter the broom closet and grab a box. I had no idea what it was.

 Janitor: It turned out she had brought the oldest child a birthday present.

 Janitor: His birthday was the day after his dad had the heart attack.

 Janitor: Paige said "Each birthday you have only comes once...

 Janitor: ...I'm sorry you had to spend it stuck in this place. I hope this present makes up for it."

 Janitor: The mother and father were like "thank you thank you thank you."

 Janitor: It was so sweet, but I just didn't get it. Why did she bother to do it?

 Janitor: She's treated at least a hundred patients before. People come in and out of here all the time.

 Janitor: Why would she waste the time finding a birthday present?

 Janitor: Maybe it's just because she's young. She's still pretty new to this.

 Janitor: Maybe she'll realise soon that there's no time for sentimental stuff like that.

 Janitor: But either way...every time I pass her in the hall, I think about those kids.

### Steinway Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: Alright, I finally figured it out.

 Janitor: All these weird birds belong to that old lady Mrs. Stevenson!

 Janitor: So they weren't wild after all, I guess? They're pets?

 Janitor: I can't decide if that's better or worse.

### Steinway Reprise Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: Wait. Hold up.

 Janitor: Do you think the old lady bought and RAISED the birds? Like from a pet store?

 Janitor: Or are they just random wild animals that...she met in the woods one day?

 Janitor: This lady is like...the Queen of Birds or something.

### Know You Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: How was your train ride?

 Janitor: Did you go anywhere cool?

## Bonus Act Expand/Collapse

### Art Exercise Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: Did you see that girl that does the drawings?

 Janitor: She drew me, once! I still have the picture at home.

 Janitor: I've never looked better!

## Act MD Expand/Collapse

### Blackest Luxury Car Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: I guess it wasn't enough to cause mayhem within the hospital...

 Janitor: ...now you all cause mayhem out in the city?

 Janitor: I'm just going to pretend I don't see any of the chaos going on out there.

### Tape/stop/night Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: Those three girls from out of town showed up out of nowhere.

 Janitor: Then they keep exhausting themselves and getting sick, and now they sleep over in the ward?

 Janitor: What, do we run a hotel now?

 Janitor: Think I'll start calling you the Rhythm Concierge.

### The 90's Decision Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: I heard you ventured out to the Roller Disco recently.

 Janitor: I know what you're wondering...

 Janitor: ...yes, I've seen that Samurai skate.

 Janitor: And yes, he's really good.

## Default Dialogue Expand/Collapse

 Janitor: If you see any big messes or spills, don't come running to me about it.

 Janitor: Chances are I probably saw it already and put it on my To-Do List.

 Janitor: If I close my eyes and procrastinate long enough, maybe it'll disappear!