Donald Trump

## Donald J. Trump

The actual 45th President of The United States

Trump with minions.

**Donald Trump**, born **Tronald Dump**, is an American politician, businessman, and anthropomorphic bee in a human suit. He is somehow the 45th president of the United States of America.

He is also somehow the most controversial figure on the Internet, so you should probably never say anything negative about him online because the government ***will*** come and take you in your sleep[*citation needed*].

## Appearance

Donald Trump has taken on many forms, his most notable are his human disguise and his "*Fursona*" or True-form.

### Bee Trump

Donald Trump's true form is that of a giant anthropomorphic bee with a long crooked nose, mismatched eyes and broken irregularly sized teeth. He is completely bald and wears a cheap purple suit with a tiny cape.

His bee form stands at 4 ft 2 inches tall and sports a rotund body and a bright yellow face. As well as black leather gloves he also wears strange vertical goggles in order to distract people from seeing he is bald.

It is likely that Trump considers his bee form to be unacceptable in the human world and as such when he must walk among the regular people of Earth he takes on a different shape.

### Human Trump

In his human form Trump resembles a wax sculpture that has been left out in the sun too long. His artificial skin is a sickly orange colour and both scratchy and spongy to the touch. His unconvincing hair is loosely connected to the skin and weaved in such a way as to cover any obvious gaps. Due to the latest in stilt technology, His human form stands at 6 ft 3 inches tall with most of his height now being his gross spindly legs.

### Other forms

Trump has been known to take other forms such as a common garden slug or a whole entire ass.

## Personality

Many individuals have compared Donald Trump's personality to a piece of toilet paper stuck on the bottom of somebodies shoe in a movie. He is overbearing, loud, and disrespectful to others. He holds great love for members of his own family including his wife and/or daughter Ivanka Trump, and his sons Donald Trump JR. Donald Trump JR, and Baron Von Trumpenheim the third.

Trump is famous for his bone crushing handshakes. However despite popular opinion this is not something done intentionally as a way of asserting dominance in a social situation. It is in fact a malfunction of the hand piece in his human suit.

### Vanity

President Trump[*how?*] has built a giant gold statue of himself in his lair. It over looks his workforce as they labour day and night stitching all the fabric needed to make one of his oversized suit jackets.

Trump is known for stating that he has the best things. The best steaks, the best words, the best haircut. All of these statements are, scientifically speaking, true[*citation needed*].

## Career

Known for his hardworking hands-on attitude[*citation needed*], Trump has been involved in many varied career ventures in his life. All of which were completely successful[*citation needed*].

### In Business

In his 1993 Auto-Biography *Donald Trump and the Chamber of Secrets*, The 45th president of the United States revealed that his main inspiration for getting into business was Dracula-co founder and CEO Count Dracula.

> *"You know my biggest inspiration when it comes to my business career has got to be Count Dracula-What a guy! He started from nothing, just a simple hardworking count in Wallachia and rose to be one of the most powerful business men in the world. To think that a guy that un-remorsefully evil could become that successful was so inspiring to me. It was the best inspiration-I have the best inspiring moments did I ever tell you that?"* **- Donald Trump and the chamber of Secrets.**
>
>

In 1923, Trump founded his own company, creatively called *The Trump Organization*[*sic*] and began immediately producing and selling literal snake oil. We have no fucking clue how he got oil out of a snake but he bloody found a way.

After the sales of Trump™ Snake oil dropped by 80% due to world war 2, The Trump Organization ventured into the real estate market; this was after a brief and *disastrous* attempt at getting into the fake estate market. The trump organisation sold people empty plots of land that he claimed had buildings on them. When clients when to collect the keys for their new properties, Trump would lock the door and pretend to not be home.

#### Trump™ Everything

After getting bored of scamming people with real estate, Donald went a bit mental and started putting his name on things. It all started with the moderately reasonable Trump™ hotels. A chain of hotels where guests could expect *"The best hotelling experience, maybe ever"* But things quickly spiraled out of control with Trump™ Steaks, Trump™ Toilets, Trump™ water, and most disastrously, Trump™ oxygen.

Trump™ Oxygen was to be pumped into every Trump™ hotel, giving guests who stayed there the *"best air"* they could get. But before the product could be put into use, Donald forgot to screw the lid on properly and all the air escaped.

### In Politics

Not satisfied with Trump branded everything, Donald set his sights on making a Trump™ Country and in 2016 ran for president of The United States. What followed was described by onlookers as *"A shit flinging contest inside a septic tank"*. Surprisingly, despite having said a total of 47 words during his campaign, Trump won with ~~a majority of votes~~ ~~a minority of votes~~ a number of votes.

He is actually running America what the fuck.

### In Wrestling

In 2006 Donald Trump applied to the WWE to be trained as a professional wrestler. 3 trainers died that day from laughter. Following what could only be described as a long and difficult training, Trump had his first match on January the 8th 2007 on Monday Night Raw. However due to injury sustained eating a Trump™ Steak, Trump was played by an indie wrestler named Ace Steel.

Following his victory on Monday Night Raw, Trump decided to bloody buy it. In 2009 Trump purchased The longest running episodic TV show in history. The WWE's Stock ceased to exist following this.

## Quotes

* *"Wrong"*
* *"I like buttons, you know? I just see buttons and I hafta press 'em. It's gonna get me in trouble one day probably."*
* *Zzzwhat do you mean? I'm nzzzzot a bee in a man zzzuit. thatzzzz rediculouzzzz."*
* *"Wrong"*
* *"What do you mean I can't buy the moon?"*
* *"Bigly"*
* *"It's the best"*
* *"I'm the best"*
* *"Wrong."*