Pilot (Robinson House)

**Pilot** is the first episode of Robinson House.

## Script

### Scene 1: The Death Of Margaret Robinson

*In the old mansion, Robinson House, an elderly woman lies in bed. She’s in an ugly bedroom, with old, ugly wallpaper. Next to her bed is a bedside table, with a clock, a lamp and a photograph in black and white on it. There is a wardrobe at the end of the room, a few old draws. The elderly woman is alone, fast asleep, struggling to breath. Unbeknownst to the sleeping woman, there are nine other people with Margaret. They are Ghosts! They all watch unhappily.*

**Clive:** It won’t take long now.

**Arthur:** She was such a lovely lady.

**Bessie:** Look on the bright side; she’s comfortable. And asleep. She’s not in pain.

**Edgar:** There are worse ways to go.

*Everyone of the Ghosts starts making noises of agreement.*

**Clive:** *(points to the dying Margaret Robinson)* It’s going to be strange not having her around.

*Most of the Ghosts make noises of agreement.*

**Gillian:** She might not leave. She might stay?

**Edgar:** I don’t think so. There have been a lot of people die in here . . . less after Bessie died, but there’s been lots of people die here over the centuries and most just go when they die.

**Anne:** Yeah, it’s just us unlucky ones still stuck here, out of time and out of place.

*Anne tilts her head slightly, then without warning her head just slips off.*

**Jane:** Oh dear.

**Anne:** Someone needs to put me back on.

**Arthur:** Stop disturbing her! She’s dying!

**Anne:** Pick me up then!

**Francis:** Fine. Somebody pick Anne up.

**Bessie:** I remember when this woman was born.

**Francis:** That was a sight to see.

**Bessie:** You were born that way as well, Francis.

**Anne:** Someone pick me up! I don’t want to miss this!

**Clive:** Alright.

*Clive picks her head up.*

**Gillian:** I hope she stays.

**Edgar:** It’s unlikely in my opinion.

**Chuck:** I bet a tenner that she stays.

**Edgar:** I bet one she doesn’t.

**Chuck:** Deal

**Bessie:** Show some respect! She’s dying!

**Chuck:** This woman *(he points to Margaret Robinson)* was a charitable lady. I’m sure she’d want to do some good out of her death.

**Bessie:** *(annoyed, Bessie tries to change the subject)* It would have been her birthday soon. It’s October now. And she was born on December 5. December 5, 1919. She’d be one hundred and four in a few months.

**Francis:** One hundred and three isn’t too bad.

**Chuck:** Yeah. I was only twenty-nine when I fell off the roof. Young and in all that pain.

**Anne:** Oh please, I had my head chopped off!

**Edgar:** I watched it happen Anne. It only took one strike of the Axe to kill you. I was all alone when I died! And the pain I felt was easily the worst pain anyone could endure.

**Jane:** *(quietly)* I was burned alive!

**Bessie:** I died in pain too! I fell down that long staircase. And after my husband . . .

**Jane:** It’s happening!

**Bessie:** (snapping) What?!

*Jane points to the dying old woman, Margaret Robinson.*

**Clive:** Here we go. Who’s making the speech?

**Arthur:** I will

*The other Ghosts look annoyed at this, but don’t argue. A white spectre appears to them, and in a matter of seconds, the spirit of Margaret Robinson comes out. She looks pale. She opens her eyes to find the Ghosts staring at her.*

**Margaret Robinson:** Who are you?!

**Bessie:** I am the Ghost of your great-grandmother.

**Gillian:** I’m the Ghost of Gillian Jones. I went swimming in your lake, but I drowned . . . Drugs were involved.

**Margaret Robinson:** That was you?!

**Francis:** Don’t worry her. Give her the speech.

**Anne:** Oh no.

**Arthur:** My name is Arthur Ribson, and I’ll be giving you the speech. We are Ghosts, the lost spirits tied down here because . . .

*Without warning, Margaret Robinson zooms up into the Afterlife.*

**Anne:** She’s gone.

**Arthur:** *(sad)* I didn’t get to give her my speech.

**Bessie:** I’m glad she went up. She can finally be at piece. I hope she sees her husband and the rest of her family again.

**Edgar:** True, but I’ve been here since 1066. Nearly a thousand years.

**Chuck:** I’ve been here since 1993, and it feels like a millennium.

**Edgar:** Ah yes. The tenner, please?

**Chuck:** Ugh . . . I mean, what I actually said was . . .

**Anne:** This is why you shouldn’t bet when you’re already dead.

**Clive:** Well said, Anne.

**Anne:** Well, now that we’ve been through that can you put me back on my body.

**Clive:** *(looks around)* looks like you’re body left while we were talking to the woman.

**Anne:** *(dismayed)* Not again!

Scene 2: At work.

*We now see a big supermarket. Sainsbury’s. Full of shoppers. At a cash register, we see 27 year old Casey, scanning items and packing them into bags.*

**Casey:** That’ll be thirty-eight pounds sixty-two.

**Old Man:** *(pays Casey with a credit card)* Thank you.

*A middle-aged woman starts having her items scanned.*

**Middle-Aged Woman:** Hi, how’s you’re day going?

**Casey:** Not too bad. Very long though. How’s you’re’s?

**Middle-Aged Woman:** Good. Me and my husband just finished unpacking everything in our new house. The kids love the place.

**Casey:** Nice.

*Casey can’t help but feel jealous. How wonderful it would be, to have a house perfect for children. Not a small one-bedroom flat.*

**Middle-Aged Woman:** Yes, it’s great.

**Casey:** Ok. That’ll be nineteen pounds seventy.

*The woman scans a credit card.*

**Middle-Aged Woman:** Thanks.

*Casey’s phone starts ringing.*

**Casey:** Steve, can I take this? Can I go on my break?

*Steve, the Manager, looks up.*

**Steve:** Ok.

*Casey closes her registar and goes to the Breakroom. It’s pretty empty, other than a couple. She accepts the call.*

**Casey:** Hello?

**Solicitor (V.O.):** Hello, is that Casey Griffiths?

**Casey:** Speaking.

**Solicitor (V.O.):** I’m calling about a house

**Casey:** We can only afford flats right now.

**Solicitor (V.O.):** I’m not trying to sell a house.

**Casey:** Then what do you want?

**Solicitor (V.O.):** You’ve inherited a house from a relative who have recently passed away.

*Casey’s jaw drops. Several seconds pass.*

**Solicitor (V.O.):** Are you still there . . .?

Scene 3: At the Notary

*Casey and her husband Dan are sitting in the Solicitor’s office. The Solicitor shows them the papers.*

**Solicitor:** Here you go. To be honest with you, I was surprised when I heard she died. You’re great-grandmother seemed unbeatable. But then again, she was old. Nobody lives forever.

**Casey:** So how old was she?

**Solicitor:** She was one hundred and three years old.

**Dan:** Woah, she was ancient!

*The Solicitor rolls his eyes, but doesn’t say anything.*

**Casey:** I remember her. I used to love her so much. She was so sweet!

**Solicitor:** When did you last see her?

**Casey:** Years ago. When I was like, ten or eleven. After my dad died, I guess we just lost contact.

**Solicitor:** *(hands Casey the documents)* I’m sorry about that.

**Casey:** *(reading from the documents)* “Lady Margaret Elizabeth Gwendoline Robinson”

**Solicitor:** That’s right. You’re great-grandmother. Let me show you a photo.

*The Solicitor shows them his tablet. First, they see a photo of Margaret as a teenager. She’s very pretty. With long, brown hair and a nice, genuine smile. Then, we see a photo of her in her early thirties with a little boy (her son and Casey’s dead grandfather). Still very pretty. Then we see a photo of Margaret when she was in her early eighties. She was by this time elderly, very plump with short grey hair. She’s still quite jolly though.*

**Casey:** I remember her.

**Solicitor:** She was very thin and pale by the time she turned one hundred, I’m surprised she lasted this long if I’m honest.

**Casey:** So if my great-grandmother was a “Lady” does that mean I’m a lady?

**Dan:** Wait, does that make me a . . . Lad?

**Casey:** I think the term is . . . Lord right?

**Solicitor:** Correct. Lord is the equivalent of a Lady. And to answer your question, yes, if you choose to accept Robinson House, you will be given the titles of Lord and Lady Robinson.

**Casey:** *(shocked)* Oh my God!

**Solicitor:** Does that mean you accept the offer?

**Dan:** Hell yeah!

*Casey nudges Dan.*

Casey reads through “The History of Robinson House” thoroughly.

**Casey:** Built in the reign of Henry VII.

**Dan:** He was the one with the eight wives, right?

**Solicitor:** No, that was Henry VIII. Henry VII was the father of Henry VIII. And Henry VIII had six wives, not eight.

**Dan:** *(confused)* Nah, he had eight wives. That’s why they call him Henry the eighth. Why, did Henry VII have seven wives? Is that why they call him Henry VII?

*The Solicitor shakes his head.*

**Casey:** A lot of people died here.

**Solicitor:** Well, yes, a lot of former owners and other people did die here, but don’t worry, the house is very lovely, very clean. I’d love to live there.

**Dan:** Does it have Ghosts?!

**Solicitor:** *(laughing)* Well, there have been some legends. Some say a woman who was burned at the stake can make you feel as though on fire. And some say a Poltergeist lives there, moving cups off tables. I don’t know. I don’t really believe in things like that.

**Casey:** Neither do we.

**Dan:** I do!

**Casey:** I think we’re gonna take it.

**Dan:** Casey . . .

**Solicitor:** There are lots of other things you can do. You could sell the house, or offer it to a company who could make it into a Hotel . . .

**Casey:** Oh my God you’re right! We can set up a Hotel! We could quit our jobs!

**Dan:** Quit are jobs?

**Casey:** Yeah, we could live at the house and make it into a B and B.

**Solicitor:** I mean, it wouldn’t be easy but I suppose it’s possible.

**Dan:** Hold up? Don’t I get a say in this?

**Casey:** Babe, it’s a chance to make loads of money. More than we’re getting right now.

**Solicitor:** You don’t have to decide right now? I can give you some time?

**Casey:** What if we spent the weekend at the place and then decided.

**Solicitor:** Wonderful. Now, let me show you a photo of the house.

*He swipes on his tablet a bit, and shows them Robinson House. A big, wide, mansion, made of dusty stone. It’s the biggest house the couple have ever seen.*

**Dan:** No way, it’s a mansion!

**Casey:** It’s beautiful.

Scene 4: A New Dawn

*Saturday morning. Robinson House is seemingly empty. Except it’s not, the Ghosts are all doing their Saturday morning routine. Food Club. A small Blue car parks in the driveway. Anne’s head lies in front of the window, staring at the boring trees, bushes and the front gates, getting excited when she sees the car.*

**Anne:** There’s something coming.

**Clive:** What is it?

**Bessie:** Oh, it’s one of those Carriages that doesn’t need horses.

**Francis:** No it’s a motor car.

**Chuck:** No it’s just a normal car.

*Out of the car steps out Casey, tall, slim and Blonde, and dressed in fashionable clothes. Chuck’s type.*

**Chuck:** Check her out!

*Francis checks out Dan. Tall, muscular, and Dirty Blonde. (Francis’s type).*

**Francis:** Yes. He would make a fine Soldier.

**Bessie:** Definetly.

*The front doors open.*

**Casey:** Look at this place! It’s huge!

**Dan:** True.

**Casey:** You said it you’re-self. We need more space. This is more than enough.

**Dan:** I dunno. Seems kind of empty in here. *(Looks inside the drawing room, with the Ghosts. But Dan can’t see them. The sofa is a traditional Victorian sofa (a tete-tete settee). Also in the drawing room are some Victorian armchairs, the best one being a red velvet Victorian chair).*

**Bessie:** They better not sit in my chair!

*Dan goes to sit on the red velvet chair (Bessie’s chair).*

**Bessie:** No! *(Rushes to the chair and sits down before Dan, who promptly sits down as well, sitting through Bessie).* Ouch!

*Bessie leaps out of the chair in pain, defeated.*

**Arthur:** Bessie, why would you let him go through you? It’s the worst pain ever for a Ghost.

**Bessie:** That chair is for the Lady of the Manor. And that’s me! Or at least it was. He is not the Lady of the Manor!

**Clive:** It looks like she is *(points at Casey)*

**Casey:** You like it . . . Lord Robinson.

**Dan:** It’s not too shabby . . . Lady Robinson.

**Gillian:** She must be related to you, Bessie.

**Bessie:** She can’t be. Look at what’s she done with her hair? And she has a tattoo.

**Chuck:** She must have dyed her hair. Judging by her roots I’d say she was a natural Brunette, but dyed her hair Blonde.

**Bessie:** I will not watch these two people sit in my chair and ruin all the traditions at Robinson House.

**Clive:** These two don’t seem too bad.

**Gillian:** I mean, they can’t compare with an old woman rotting away at home while disease travels around her but, I guess those days couldn’t last forever. I wish my hair was like hers.

**Clive:** A young couple could be fun to watch.

**Chuck:** Hell yeah!

*The other Ghosts glare at Chuck. Casey and Dan leave the drawing room, and the Ghosts follow them. They enter the Library.*

**Dan:** A Library? Does this mean we have to read books now?

**Casey:** No, but think! We have a Library! This could attract loads of guests.

**Dan:** This whole place is really old. It needs DIY or something.

**Casey:** We’ll fix it up. It’ll cost some, but we’ll make up for it if the B and B works out.

**Gillian:** They seem quite nice.

**Clive:** There’s just two of them. They shouldn’t be too much trouble.

**Casey:** This will make a great Hotel.

*All the Ghosts gasp.*

**Edgar:** What is a Hotel?

**Clive:** Well Edgar, a Hotel is . . .

Scene 5: Getting rid of the Livings.

**Edgar:** We must kill them.

**Bessie:** We can’t kill them.

**Clive:** Right, Edgar. Killing is morally wrong.

**Bessie:** No, we can’t kill them because we’re dead and they’re alive. We can’t pick up a Gun, or a Sword, or a Knife, or push them down stairs . . .

**Clive:** AND IT’S MORALLY WRONG!

**Jane:** But whats cans we do’s if we can’t kills them?

**Chuck:** Haunting?

**Clive:** What?

**Chuck:** We could try haunting them. We’re Ghosts aren’t we?

**Clive:** It isn’t violent . . . Necessarily.

**Gillian:** I like them. Can’t they stay?

**Francis:** Gillian, do you really want loads of strangers rushing around, sitting in our chairs, sleeping in our beds . . .

**Gillian:** Doesn’t sound too bad.

**Francis:** Haunting could be fun, Gillian.

**Gillian:** *(smiling)* Ok.

**Francis:** How would we haunt them?

**Clive:** Well, Edgar can do that thing with the Lights.

*Clive points to a Lamp which is switched on.*

**Edgar:** Here we go.

*Edgar goes over to the Lamp and holds his hands over it. The light instantly starts flickering creepily. The other Ghosts cheer.*

**Bessie:** What about Jane’s thing. You know, when she walks through people. The smell?

*The Ghosts stare at Jane.*

**Jane:** When I walks through the livings, or ifs they walks through me then then they smells burnings.

**Gillian:** Why?

**Chuck:** She was burned to death. See, she’s covered in ash.

*Jane looks a little uncomfortable.*

**Gillian:** Oh yeah. *(Dan walks into the drawing room, tapping his Phone frantically. He needs WiFi!).* Shall I show you my power? *(Without warning Gillian marches through Dan).* I love my power.

*Dan is in a trance for a few seconds, calming down. Stopping the frantic tapping. Then he returns to normal.*

**Bessie:** You walked through him? Didn’t that hurt you?

**Gillian:** A little, but I made him High for a few seconds.

**Clive:** I don’t think drugging are victims is appropriate.

**Chuck:** Plus it only lasted for a few seconds. It’s not like a real High.

*Gillian looks a little disappointed. Arthur enters the room as Dan walks out. Following Arthur is a small child, about eight years old. The other Ghosts look uncomfortable. The child’s face, a pale young girl’s, is horrifically scarred by Smallpox.*

**Arthur:** Who here knows Abigail?

**Edgar:** Me.

**Jane:** Me.

**Bessie:** We’ve all seen her around before.

**Gillian:** I didn’t know we had another Ghost.

**Bessie:** Anyone else?

*All the other Ghosts remain silent.*

**Bessie:** We’ve all seen her lurking around in the kitchen or the pantry or the walls at some point except for Gillian.

**Abigail:** What’s going on?

**Arthur:** I don’t recall when you died? What year was it when you died, Abigail?

**Abigail:** Died?

**Arthur:** What year was it when you last checked?

**Abigail:** 1750.

**Arthur:** She died in 1750. Well Abigail, seeing as you don’t seem to understand our current situation, I’ll briefly explain. We are all dead. You died of Smallpox, Clive was run over by a Horse, Jane (the one covered in ashes) was burned at the stake, I was Poisoned . . .

**Anne:** For the last time, Arthur, you died of a Heart Attack.

**Arthur:** My death can’t have been a simple, boring Heart Attack . . .

**Clive:** Coming back to Abigail . . .

**Abigail:** Sir?

**Arthur:** Oh yes. Did any of you know her power? She can be heard by the living, when she became a Ghost she was heard when she sung a song, and only when she sung a song. Go on.

**Abigail:** Lalla, Lalla, Lalla, aut dormi, aut lacte.

**Arthur:** It’s more of a Nursery Rhyme, but she sings it nicely. She says that’s the only time her servants heard her. Of course I doubt they knew it was her because they couldn’t see her. We tested Abigail’s singing out on the Living woman just now and she heard it. She didn’t know what it was but she was creeped out I think.

**Francis:** That’s amazing! We can use her. Now, for the finale, Chuck, let’s see you’re special power.

**Chuck:** Finally, the one we’ve all been waiting for!

*Chuck goes to the table in the middle of the drawing room. A Cup is there. Chuck bends over and slowly attempts to push the Cup. At first his finger slides through, but as he concentrates it touches the Cup. Chuck screams in pain as the other Ghosts cheer him on. Slowly, the Cup slides.*

**Clive:** Alright Ghosts, let’s haunt!

Scene 6: The Light

*Casey and Dan lie in bed. They are both on their Phones.*

**Dan:** The WiFi here is . . .

**Casey:** Don’t worry. I found the WiFi password.

**Dan:** YOU HAD THE WIFI ALL THIS TIME AND DIDN’T TELL ME!

**Casey:** You never asked. Give me you’re phone, I’ll do it now.

*Francis, Clive and Edgar enter the bedroom.*

**Clive:** You know what to do, Edgar.

**Edgar:** Yes sir.

*Edgar goes up to the switched on Lamp and starts messing with it. The light begins to greatly flicker.*

**Dan:** What’s happening?

*Casey flicks the light switch off, but it continues to flicker violently. Clive and Francis cheer. Unexpectedly, Casey unplugs the Lamp. The light instantly disappears.*

**Edgar:** They defeated us!

**Francis:** At ease men! Retreat!

*The three Ghosts instantly run out of the room.*

Scene 7: The bathroom

**Casey:** *(screaming)* DAN THE HOT WATERS GONE!

*Chuck is looking through the bathroom door. Being a Ghost, he can go through doors and walls. Only his head is looking through the door. The rest of his body is squatting outside.*

**Clive:** Chuck . . .

*Chuck instantly looks around, his head going back through the door.*

**Chuck:** I wasn’t looking!

**Clive:** You’re out of position. You’re supposed to be by the table with the vase.

*Chuck scurries off to his position.* *Casey comes out of the bathroom wearing her dressing gown.*

**Francis:** Come on. Action! Jane!

*Jane rushes through Casey.*

**Casey** *(looks uncomfortable)* Dan, it’s boiling.

**Dan:** (shouting from kitchen) What d’you mean? It’s freezing.

*Casey soon returns to room temperature.*

**Francis:** Abigail!

*Abigail sings her tune. Casey looks uncomfortable. What is that creepy noise? Soon, the noise is shouted over by loud rap music.*

**Dan:** *(screaming)* Got the stereo working!

*Casey smiles. Chuck quickly tries concentrating. Ouch! The pain! The other Ghosts cheer him on. Casey walks past without noticing a thing. The vase moves a smidge, ever so slightly. The other Ghosts look annoyed.*

**Chuck:** (panting) A vase is a lot bigger than a cup!

**Francis:** Edgar!

*Edgar looks up at the light bulb. Suddenly, the lights start flickering violently. Casey frowns and goes over to the Light Switch. She turns the lights on/off multiple times. Edgar struggles. He turns bright red. The bulb suddenly turns off and Edgar feels like he has just been electrically shocked.*

**Edgar:** That hurt!

**Clive:** Who knew haunting could be so hard?

Scene 7: The Boiler’s Friends

*Casey and Dan walk along a corridor.*

**Casey:** We need to paint the walls at some point.

**Dan:** We haven’t decided if we’re staying yet!

**Casey:** Come on, Dan. This place is massive. You could quit you’re job. Don’t you want that?

**Dan:** I’ve worked at McDonalds since I was nineteen. I’m good at it.

**Casey:** But this place is private. In the flat, we can’t have one moment without the neighbours arguing.

**Dan:** I think they’re gonna get divorced soon.

**Casey:** And that old lady downstairs who complains whenever we have the TV on “too loud”?

**Dan:** Yeah but . . .

*Casey opens a door and goes down into the Basement. Dan follows her. It’s dark in the Basement.*

**Casey:** Can you feel a light switch or light rod?

**Dan:** I’m feeling.

*Casey feels something and pulls. The lights instantly turn on. With the lights on, we see seven men dressed in armour, wounded, bleeding.*

**Battle Ghost 1:** Who are these guys?

**Battle Ghost 2:** It’s nice to have the light on.

**Battle Ghost 3:** The light hasn’t been on for years.

**Battle Ghost 2:** I wonder what they want down here. They don’t look like workmen.

**Dan:** Here’s the boiler. That’s the boiler right?

**Casey:** Yeah, that’s the Boiler.

**Battle Ghost 6:** They must be after you, Hortense.

*Hortense is the Boiler. She’s named after **Battle Ghost 1 ‘s** wife. It’s the closest to what they can communicate with, and the Battle Ghosts love having someone (which they interpret as a woman) to talk to without getting a reply.*

**Dan:** I can fix this.

**Casey:** I don’t think . . .

**Dan:** I’ve seen a video about it on YouTube.

**Casey:** You can’t learn everything from a YouTube tutorial

**Dan:** You can. There’s a video that teaches you how to drive.

**Casey:** Really?

**Dan:** Yeah.

**Battle Ghost 5:** What does drive mean?

**Battle Ghost 4:** No idea.

**Battle Ghost 3:** Maybe it’s a new sword technique?

**Battle Ghost 7 (Nick):** He’d make a good Soldier. With all that strength, he looks like he’s got bones stronger than armour . . .

The other Battle Ghosts look at him but say nothing.

**Dan:** Let’s get this thing fixed then *(fiddles with boiler)*

**Casey:** What does that do?

**Dan:** Er . . . It’s the . . . Thing for the . . . Boiler?

**Battle Ghosts (all):** It’s the valve for the filling loop.

*Something turns on.*

**Dan:** It’s fixed!

**Battle Ghost 3:** No it’s not.

**Casey:** Do we need a new one?

**Battle Ghost 1:** What about, Hortense?

**Dan:** Let’s see what the surveyor says, yeah.

**Casey:** Ok.

*Casey and Dan go up.*

**Battle Ghost 7 (Nick):** They may have fucked up Hortense, but at least they left the light on.

*Casey comes back down and pulls on the light rod.*

**Casey:** *(calling up)* Forgot to turn the light off.

*All the Battle Ghosts sigh sadly.*

Scene 8: The Smashed Glass

**Gillian:** *(Smiling)* Haunting was fun.

**Bessie:** No Gillian, we were terrible.

**Clive:** I can’t believe Ghosts aren’t really good at haunting.

*Casey walks by. There’s a Glass that Dan left on the little set of drawers by the stairs. Casey starts walking up the stairs. Without warning, Chuck sprints up the staircase and begins trying to push the Glass. Chuck shrieks in pain, but with enough concentration, he pushes it. Casey jumps.*

**Casey:** Dan, a glass broke.

**Dan:** How?

*Casey doesn’t answer; she just looks perplexed. Did that glass move on its own?*

*Casey finishes sweeping the floor. Having not been able to find a dustpan and brush, a broom was all she could find. After finishing sweeping the glass into a big pile, she put the broom by the staircase and picks up the pieces of glass and places them carefully into a tray. Chuck goes over to the broom, leaning against the top of the staircase.*

**Chuck:** Here we go *(pushes his finger as hard as possible on the broom. He shrieks in pain)* GOT IT! *(The broom slips down, lying on the stairs. Someone could trip)*

Scene 9: The Fall

**Dan:** I’m just saying . . .

**Casey:** Why won’t you just give this place a chance?!

**Dan:** I just don’t want to live here. And I ain’t going to live somewhere I don’t want to live.

**Casey:** Well I don’t want to live in the flat . . .

**Dan:** Case, this place has no WiFi, no hot water . . .

**Casey:** We have WiFi!

**Dan:** I know you sorted it out but it’s shit . . .

**Casey:** And the hot water can be sorted out once the boiler’s fixed!

**Dan:** I fixed it and it still ain’t . . .

**Casey:** You never fixed it! You probably broke it even more!

**Dan:** I’m not living here, Casey.

**Casey:** It’s always what you want, Dan!

**Dan:** You know that’s not . . .

**Casey:** Yes it is. We missed my cousin’s wedding because you’re dad had a Heart Attack.

**Dan:** He’s my Dad!

**Casey:** And you should have gone, I get that, but I went with you because you didn’t want to be alone. I missed my cousin’s big day!

**Dan:** Well duh!

**Casey:** And what about you deciding to miss the Panto just to watch a Football match with you’re mates! My cousin had bought those tickets for us all to see the Panto with Pete and baby Vera, and then I had to go alone and they kept asking where you were!

**Dan:** You’re not being fair.

**Casey:** Fair! Don’t talk to me about fair! *(Storms out of the room)*

*Casey marches quickly down the corridor and storming down the stairs. She’s not looking where she’s going! Casey steps on the crooked broom; and before she knows it, Casey has tripped and is falling down the long staircase. Casey finally hits the wall and falls down the first three steps. Casey lies unconscious and bleeding.*

**Dan:** What was that! *(Runs down the stairs)*

*Dan gasps.*

**Bessie:** What was that?

**Francis:** Quickly!

*All the Ghosts (except for Anne) run out. Anne sits on the windowsill.*

**Anne:** What’s going on? Hello?

*We now see an Ambulance outside. Casey is dragged away in a stretcher. They are performing strict medical attention on her, a surgical mask covering her mouth.*

**Dan:** Will she be ok?

*The paramedics don’t seem to hear, they bring the stretcher up into the back of the ambulance.*

**Dan:** WHAT’S HAPPENING TO HER?!

Scene 10: Dead Or Alive?

**Anne:** What happened?

**Francis:** The woman fell down the stairs. She looked bad.

**Anne:** Not dead though.

**Clive:** She really didn’t look too good. The ambulance took her away.

**Edgar:** What’s an ambulance?

**Chuck:** It’s like an ice cream van that takes injured people away and has medical shit instead of ice cream.

**Edgar:** Oh.

**Anne:** How did she just fall?

**Bessie:** *(angry)* She fell because Chuck did that thing with his fingers and she tripped on a broomstick and now she’s probably dying and it’s all our fault!

**Chuck:** I only meant to scare her, Bess. And she wasn’t scared, it’s not my fault she tripped on the broom . . .

**Bessie:** But none of you seem to be respecting the fact that she’s hurt! You’re gossiping about it and theorising. How would you feel if someone was talking about you’re death without care?

**Chuck:** Why are you getting so angry?

**Bessie:** Because I fell down the stairs! It was an accident! My heels were not good for the stairs, and I fell. And let me tell you, it was painful, it was a long journey down and I’ve never got over it.

**Clive:** We’re sorry Bessie . . .

**Bessie:** But I never cared about the pain, or how long it took for me to die while I bled to death under my dress. My son was very upset, I remember seeing him when he saw my dead body. The panic, the sadness in his eyes. And then when my grandchildren were woken the next day they were crying. My husband of course wasn’t particularly fazed, he and the Maid were sleeping together within the next night. Think about that woman’s husband. Did you see his face? It’s not just hard for the person dying, it’s hard for the person finding the body . . .

**Gillian:** She’s right. When Paul saw me die, he was crying.

**Clive:** The kids and my TA’s and the horses all probably needed serious therapy when they watched me die. Maybe the horse that actually killed me too . . .

**Jane:** And the whole crowds that watch’ed me burnings . . . Was laughing their’s heads off.

**Anne:** Don’t speak to me about heads falling off.

**Francis:** Maybe we should think about the bright side to this. We wanted them gone.

**Clive:** Not like this.

Scene 11: Hospital

*Dan sits on a chair in silence. He doesn’t know if his wife is going to be ok. A Doctor comes over to him.*

**Doctor:** Hiya, Daniel is it?

**Dan:** It’s Dan . . . Will she be ok?

**Doctor:** We don’t know for sure yet. As of now, she’s in a coma.

**Dan:** So she’s not dead?

**Doctor:** No.

**Dan:** So then can I come and see her? Is she awake?

**Doctor:** She’s in a coma. That means she’s unconscious and can’t be woken up.

**Dan:** YOU MEAN SHE’S ASLEEP FOREVOR?!

**Doctor:** Heavens, no. She’s just going to be unable to wake up for a bit. She had a nasty head injury. She broke her neck as well, it was a job stopping the bleeding. Other than that she’s fine. But she has one nasty concussion. It could have been much worse.

**Dan:** Can I see her? Not to talk, just look out. I think I should be by her side.

**Doctor:** Yes of course. Follow me.

Scene 12: Back

*It’s been some weeks now. The Ghosts are starting to get back to their normal lives.*

**Arthur:** And the meat was so thin . . .

**Bessie:** You’ve told us this story before . . .

**Arthur:** I have not.

**Clive:** Actually, I think you might have, Arthur.

**Bessie:** Food club is so boring these days . . .

**Clive:** Don’t say that. Now, next Gillian is going to give a lecture about drugs.

**Chuck:** Didn’t she die of drugs?

**Gillian:** No, I was just high on them. But I couldn’t swim very well because of the drugs. Who knows, I might have overdosed that night had I not drowned first.

**Clive:** In preview - Don’t do drugs.

**Bessie:** We couldn’t if we wanted to. We are all dead remember?

*Clive sighs. Anne’s head is lying on the windowsill. She’s trying to get some extra sleep, but she can’t will all the noise. Suddenly, the car of Dan and Casey (Lord and Lady Robinson). Anne stares at the car. Casey and Dan get out. Casey is wearing a Neck Brace. Dan grabs her hand and they make out for a second. They then begin walking in.*

**Anne:** Their back! The living are back!

**Francis:** What?

*The front doors are heard slamming and Casey and Dan can be heard talking.*

The Ghosts are thrilled as they watch through the window.

**Bessie:** She’s alive!

**Chuck:** I thought I’d indirectly killed her! Thank fuck!

*In the hallway, Casey and Dan enter holding hands.*

**Casey:** *Thanks for taking a chance on this place.*

**Dan:** It’s the least I could do. I was being selfish.

*They make out again.*

**Casey:** *(using a sexy voice) Make it up to me in bed tonight?*

**Dan:** *(smiling)* It’s a date.

**Builder:** Excuse me? My team are here to do some work?

**Dan:** *(embarrassed)* Yeah, follow me.

**Casey:** I’ll think of something to do.

**Dan:** No way, you lie down. Leave everything to me.

**Casey:** You’re so sweet.

*As Dan leads the Builders, Casey goes upstairs to her new bedroom. She lies down on her new bed. She has left the door open. Chuck pokes his head round the door.*

**Chuck:** *(muttering)* Gorgeous.

*Casey turns her head. She heard him!*

**Casey:** Sorry? Did you say something?

**Chuck:** *(Gobsmacked)* Y-You . . .

**Casey:** Can I help you with something?

**Chuck:** Can you hear me? Can you really hear me?!

**Casey** *(concerned)* Yeah . . . Are you ok?

**Chuck:** I . . . I have to . . . Go somewhere . . .

*Chuck’s head leaves the door and he runs down the corridor and down the long staircase. He runs over to all the other Ghosts, who are watching the Builders work.*

**Chuck:** She spoke to me! She spoke to me!

**Francis:** What?

**Bessie:** You’re interrupting!

**Chuck:** The living woman. She spoke to me.

**Clive:** A-are you sure?

**Francis:** Impossible. Nothing like that has ever happens before.

**Chuck:** Come and look.

*Chuck leads the other Ghosts up the stairs. The head of Anne is dropped on the way.*

**Anne:** Wait! Don’t forget about me! *(Realises they are gone)* Fuck.

**Dan:** So one of the builders seemed weird?

**Casey:** It must have been a Builder. Nobody else is here, are they?

**Dan:** Nope.

*What they don’t realise that now standing behind Casey are the whole group of Ghosts.*

**Bessie:** (yelling into Casey’s ear) Can you hear us?

*Casey jumps and turns around. She gets one look at the Ghosts. She screams.*

**Dan:** What’s the matter?

**Casey:** The . . . Th-there!

**Dan:** Who?

**Bessie:** She looks like she has seen a Ghost.

**Clive:** I think she’s seen a whole group of Ghosts.

**Arthur:** Speech time?

**Francis:** Yes.

**Arthur:** My name is Arthur Ribson, and I’ll be giving you the speech. We are Ghosts, the lost . . .

*The headless body of Anne walks out of the wall. The body bumps into Dan, walking through him. Dan doesn’t feel a thing. Casey is terrified.*

**Dan:** Babe?

**Casey:** Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!