The Ultimate Warriors Game Show

This is a spoof written by Night.

WARNING: This story doesn't contain any real cursing, however, it does contain swearing represented by symbols (i.e. @#$%), so if you are not comfortable with this, please don't read past the end of the Intro.

## Intro

Bluestar: Hello, I'm Bluestar, and welcome to--

Oakheart: WOO-HOOOO, I LOVE ME A GOOD POOL PARTY!!!!!

Bluestar: Okayyyyy.... The Ultimate Warriors Game Show! I'm your host, if you're such an idiot that you haven't guessed.

Me: That insult was aimed at the cats in the crowd and the contestants, not you, reader :)

Bluestar: What?

Me: Nothing. Keep going.

Bluestar: \*shrugs\*

Oakheart: Blue-blue, I GOT ME BAITHIN' SUIT PACKED 'N' READY TO GO!!!

Bluestar: Oh, StarClan no! \*shudders\*

Oakheart: I ASSURE YOU, IT'S A PERFECTLY NORMAL BATHIN' SUIT, WITH PINK PONIES AND UNICORNS!!! IT'S AS NORMAL AS ME!!!

Bluestar: Well then, go have a pool party with Smudge or something, he's as moronic as you!

Oakheart: HUH?

Bluestar: Nothing.

Oakheart: Nothin' what?

Bluestar: ***Nothing*** nothing.

Oakheart: OK Blue-blue!

Bluestar: Don't call be that!

Oakheart: Sure, Blue-blue!

Bluestar: \*eye twitches\* I said ***DON'T*** call me that.

Oakheart: Sure thing, Blue-blue!

Bluestar: >:(

Oakheart: Ya look ugly when ya frown.

Bluestar: SHUT UP!!!

Oakheart: .\_.

Bluestar: NOW IT'S TIME FOR...***THE ULTIMATE WARRIORS GAME SHOW!***

## Meet the Contestants

Bluestar: Here's our first contestant...LEAFPOOL!!!

Leafpool: Heyyy!

\*dead silence\*

Bluestar: NOBODY LIKES LEAFPOOL!!! Now, onto the next contestant.........Hawkfrost!!!!

\*nothing happens\*

Bluestar: Err...HAWKFROST

\*nothing happens\*

Bluestar: HaWkFrOsT!!!!!

\*nothing happens\*

Bluestar: ***HAWKFROST!!!!!!!!!***

Hawkfrost: \*runs onto the stage\* EEK!!! Dad, stop!!!!

Tigerstar: \*comes out\* Why don't you want to try my deodorant?

Hawkfrost: 'Cause ya smell like a garbage dump!

Tigerstar: \*gasps\* I'll have you know that this is GARBAGE AND...er...WASTE SCENTED DEODORANT!!!

Hawkfrost: \*almost barfs\*

Tigerstar: I know, sounds so good, right?

Hawkfrost: :/

Tigerstar: Okay, okay.......IT SOUNDS ***AWESOME***, RIGHT?!?!?!

Hawkfrost: Ugh.

Bluestar: Okayyyy...LET'S GET A MOVE ON, PEOPLE!!!!

Oakheart: \*from across the country\* HARDY-HAR-HAR-HAR!!!!!!!!! I LOVE ME A GOOD POOL PARTY!!!

Bluestar: \*groans\* Anyway, here's our third contestant....Breezepelt!

Breezepelt: Do you have anything to kill someone with?

Bluestar: Uh...no.

Breezepelt: What do you mean?!?!?!

Bluestar: I mean we don't have anything to kill someone with.

Breezepelt: Oh, ^$^%$%^$\*&%&^\*&^\*(\*^&%$#@.

Bluestar: Uh, Carl the Kittypet?

Carl: Yeah?

Bluestar: Change the rating to 15 years and up, okay?

Carl: Sure. \*changes rating\*

Breezepelt: %^^%%$%^$%#%$$#$@@#!#@

Bluestar: \*sighs\* 20 years.

Carl: \*changes rating\*

Breezepelt Oh you @#@#$%$##@!$%\*&^%^^%$#^%&^@#!#!!!

Bluestar: 50 YEARS!!!!

Carl: But I'm 30! \*changes rating\*

Bluestar: Well then get out!!!

Carl: Ahem. The money?

Bluestar: Fiiiiine... \*hands money\*

Bluestar: GET ONE-EYE, SHE'S OLD!!!

One-eye: Eh?

Bluestar: Nothing...

One-eye: Eh?

Bluestar: I said NOTHING.

One-eye: Eh?

Bluestar: >:(

One-eye: Eh?

Bluestar: YOU DUMB PIECE OF MOUSE DUNG!!!!

One-eye: Eh?

Bluestar: \*eye twitches\* And here's our final contestant...Lionblaze!!!!

Lionblaze: Hi!

Bluestar: Fiiiiiiinaly, the contestant isn't making us change the ratings or being chased by a bad-smelling Dad.

Lionblaze: You people are weird.

One-eye: I'm a cat!

Lionblaze: ...

Bluestar: On to round one!

## Round 1 - Climbing the Freedom Tower

Bluestar: For Round 1, you're going to climb THE FREEDOM TOWER!!!

Lionblaze: Cool!

Hawkfrost: I was-- ah, fine.

Leafpool: This will be a good opportunity to learn about medicine.

Lionblaze and Hawkfrost: O.o

Breezepelt: #$@$#@$#^@!

Bluestar: ....OK, moving on! You'll each have to climb the Freedom Tower with only four suction cups each and a grappling hook canon each.

One-eye: \*shows the equipment\*

Lionblaze: Easy enough.

Hawkfrost: O.O

Bluestar: But, there's a catch!

Hawkfrost: Of course there is.

Bluestar: You'll have to do it WITHOUT BEING SEEN BY ANYONE!!!

Breezepelt: And how would you know if we were seen? :/

Bluestar: Everyone in the Freedom Tower has a camera attached to them so that we can see everything!

Breezepelt: $#$#@#$@#@!$#%

Bluestar: O.O Okey-dokey, uh, we have this helicopter to get you there!

Lionblaze: OK!

Bluestar: But it explodes in exactly 10 minutes, so you don't want to be on the helicopter when it--

\*helicopter explodes\*

Bluestar: That wasn't supposed to happen...

Lionblaze: Now how do we get there?

Bluestar: Dunno. Bye! \*flies away in a fighter jet\*

Lionblaze: What the....

Breezepelt: \*sticks a sign on Lionblaze's back that says "I'm Loinblaze! kick me!"\*

Leafpool: \*to Lionblaze\* I'll call you Loinblaze, but I won't kick you!

Lionblaze: She's lost her mind!

Hawkfrost: Hi, Loinblaze! \*kicks Lionblaze\*

Lionblaze: OW! What the heck!?

Breezepelt: \*is cracking up and trying to hide it\*

Lionblaze: Why are you laughing?!

Breezepelt: \*cackles maniacally\*

Lionblaze: Somebody PLEASE tell me why he's laughing like a deranged witch!

Hawkfrost: Uh, the sign on your back...

Lionblaze: \*looks at sign\*

Lionblaze: >:( \*rips off sign\*

Leafpool: Breezepelt, this is an example of treating someone unfairly. When you know that you are being mean to someone, you should--

Breezepelt: Stop it, mouse-brained #@#$%@$#@#$@

Leafpool: O.O

Lionblaze: Can we just go to the darn Freedom Tower already!?

Hawkfrost: Sure.

Leafpool: How do we get there?

Lionblaze: Well, we've got grappling hook guns! We can be SPIDER-MAN! \*shoots grappling hook out and swings on the ropes like Spider-Man\*

Hawkfrost: No way am I gonna swing on thin ropes 1,000 feet above the ground.

Lionblaze: \*from far away\* COME ON, IT'S FINE!!! \*rope snaps\*

Lionblaze: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! \*falls onto the ground 1,000 feet below\*

Breezepelt: This'll be the best day of my life!

Leafpool: Why is that?

Breezepelt: I get to scrape Lionblaze's @#$%#$# body off the ground!

Hawkfrost: Okee-dokey... well, we do have to go down there.

Breezepelt: Yeah, I'll get that--

Leafpool: OK, moving on!

Breezepelt: #@%$

Leafpool: O.O

Hawkfrost: Well, I'm just gonna use the suction cups. \*walks down the building with suction cups\*

Leafpool: \*does the same thing\*

Breezepelt: \*also does that\*

ON THE GROUND

Lionblaze: \*is embedded in the ground\*

Lionblaze: \*moans and lifts a paw weakly\*

Hawkfrost: \*looks up\* Hey, the Freedom Tower!

Leafpool: We can climb it!

Lionblaze: \*gets up\* Well duh!

Hawkfrost: We should climb from the inside!

Lionblaze: Orrrrrrrrr, we could hook a hook into Hawky--

Hawkfrost: ***Hawky?!***

Lionblaze: Yup, Hawky's pants, and lift him up the side of the tower!

Hawkfrost: ***WaIt, WhAt?!?!***

Lionblaze: Let's do it! \*does it\*

Hawkfrost: \*from the top of the tower\* Wedgie!!! \*falls back to the bottom of the tower\*

Lionblaze: YOU CAN DO IT HAWKY! \*does that whole thing again\*

Hawkfrost: ThIs Is ExTrEmElY pAiNfUl!!!!

Lionblaze: YOU CAN MAKE IT!!!! \*does it again\*

Hawkfrost: GAAAHHHH!!!!!!

Rockleap: \*is humming\* Oh, hi!

Hawkfrost: \*is keeled over on the ground\* Hiiiii.....

Rockleap: You people--

One-eye: \*shows up out of nowhere\* CATS!!!

Rockleap: OK, cats, are bizarre.

Lionblaze: \*makes a dumb face\* No I'm not! I'm extremely intelligent!

Purdy: Ya know young 'uns, one time ya see, there was this bager in my housefolk's yard. So, ya know what I did?

Breezepelt: No, nobody @#$%$#% cares!

Purdy: O.O Young 'uns 'ese days! So disrespectful! Anyhow, I--

Rockleap: Alright Purdy, as much as we'd *love* to hear your stories, \*rolls eyes\* I don't think we have *time* right now.

Purdy: Oh don't worry young 'un, it'll be short. Now, I--

Rockleap: Let me rephrase that: WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR STORY!!!

Purdy: O.O HUH. So disrespectful. \*pauses\*

3 seconds later

Purdy: So anyhow, I decided ta--

Breezepelt: \*has lava coming out of his head\*

Breezepelt: NOOOO ONEEEE CAAAAAARES!!!!! \*punches Purdy in the face\*

Rockleap: \*hauls Purdy to the roadside and throws him down a storm drain\*

Purdy: \*from a long way down\* Heeeeeyyyyy..... it's kinda daaaaark.....

Breezepelt: Should we seal it shut and suffocate him?

Everyone else on the team: \*sniffs and lifts their chin disdainfully\*

Breezepelt: Whaaaat?

Lionblaze: Anyway, I think we should climb it from the inside.

Hawkfrost: Just like I **SUGGESTED** before you **MANIACS** decided to **HAUL ME UP THE SIDE OF A SKYSCRAPER!!!**

Lionblaze: \*walks away whistling\*

Leafpool: I agree with Lionblaze.

Hawkfrost: You mean you agree with **me** because **I** was the one who suggested that in the **FIRST PLACE!!!**

Leafpool: Well, you could say that.

Hawkfrost: \*has steam shooting out of his ears\*

Rockleap: I agree with everyone who says we should climb from the inside.

Hawkfrost: THANK YOU. **FINALLY** someone gets what I'm saying!

Breezepelt: Let's get a @#$%$#$ move on!!! \*prepares to charge into the glass door of the lobby\*

Leafpool: Breezepelt, I don't think you should--

Breezepelt: CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! \*smashes through the door\*

\*all the alarms in the lobby go off\*

Screen with Bluestar's face: \*suddenly appears on someone's back\* I'm watching you!!!

Lionblaze: Ugh. I forgot about that.

Oakheart: \*voice comes on in the background of the screen's audio\* I love me a good pool party!!!

Bluestar: Ugh. \*signs off\*

Hawkfrost: Well, that was weird.