Deems Mendel

"*Oh, Deems, you’re so smart and handsome~.*"
—Deems Mendel to himself.
**Deems Reginald Mendel** is a 35 year-old judge who resides in Los Angeles, California (or Japanifornia). He's well known for his incompetence, immaturity, and narcissism, among other bad traits.

He pretends to be a big shot in order to cover up his crippling self-esteem problems, and enjoys judging others because it makes him feel better about himself.

## Description

Deems basically lives two lives. In public, he's fashionable and flamboyant, wearing expensive clothes, driving an expensive sports car, and spending cash like it's nothing in hopes people believe he has his life together. He's obsessed with looking good, waking up an hour early just to make sure his appearance is perfect, and sometimes stuffing his underwear to make himself look bigger "down there."

In private, he's a mess. He's incredibly lazy and spends most of his time viewing porn, vegging on the couch, or watching movies. He normally eats prepackaged snacks or microwaveable meals, though he does enjoy cooking on the off chance he has enough ingredients laying around. His cheap apartment is dirtied with clothes, magazines, and empty soda cans tossed all over, with an ever-growing pile of dishes in the sink. If he's not going out, he tends to stay undressed and leave his hair uncombed, wrapping himself in a soft blanket if it's particularly cold.

## Backstory

Deems' father, Regis Mendel, was a strict perfectionist, which contrasted heavily with Deems' mother who coddled him. When the boy was 8 (tentative), his father remarried another woman—one with similar beliefs to him who already had a prodigy daughter (Sakura) around Deems' age. The young boy struggled with attaining grades his father would approve of, and eventually gave up entirely. Even his best wasn't good enough, so why bother?

Never getting any love from his new family and constantly being looked down on, Deems developed major self-esteem problems. On the brink of suicide, he found a way out through a quote he read in a history book:

'*Repeat a lie a thousand times and it becomes the truth.'*

With practice, waving off his faults with lies helped him cope with his inferiority complex, but his over-reliance on it turned it into a sort of drug, making it impossible to stop without going through horrifying withdrawal that left him contemplating suicide once more. Instead, he fell deeper into his delusions of grandeur, making up increasingly ridiculous excuses as to why he ever failed at things, eventually becoming the bombastic man he is today. But buried deep under all of his narcissism lies his true personality: a shy, miserable, fragile man who just wants to feel like he matters to someone.

## Job History

Deems (barely) passed the bar at the age of 24 and immediately became a prosecutor, where he faced off against Atakin Torney, his self-proclaimed "arch-nemesis," for a number of years.

His prosecutorial years started out rough—trying too hard to take every "criminal" act to court—but once he got the hang of making plea bargains, he started picking up a pretty high conviction rate. Having spent half of his life as a helpless, unwanted child, Deems took pleasure in finally being the one in control—holding criminals' lives in his grasp. Hungry to assert his dominance, he rarely passed up a chance to lock someone up if he could. It was a rush to him, and he rarely felt remorse for his actions.

That said, the pay was rather low, and the hours were long and stressful, and wanting even more power—and a better "title"—he ran for judgeship at the age of 34. Thankfully, his only competition was a rather bland, unmemorable old Tax Enforcement lawyer named Percy Dainte, and with bit of luck—and bad press for the other guy—he managed to come out on top and become the next District Judge.

He often dubs himself the "King of the Courtroom," sitting on a throne above everyone else, passing down judgment onto his petty "subjects," but unlike his time as a prosecutor where his job was to convict—but the judge made the final call—as a judge himself, he's actually quite worried about making the wrong decision and sending an innocent person to death row.

## Sex Life

Deems is a womanizer by nature and often claims to be straight, despite having sexual fantasies about both sexes since he was a teenager. While he's dated hundreds of women and a few men (which he claimed were out of pity, not love), he had few sexual encounters.

Rarely experiencing much power or control in his normal life, Deems enjoys asserting complete dominance in the bedroom, though he feels guilt over it, knowing that he doesn't enjoy hurting his partners out of love, but because it was such a power trip.

Kink-wise, he's open to trying almost everything, so long as it doesn't hurt his ego. If you slap or degrade him, he will curl up into a ball and cry. He has a preference for being on top, but has daydreams about being dominated too, even if he's less likely to admit to it.

## Relationships

**Atakin Torney****:** Deems has considered him his "most hated rival" ever since they first met in court a number of years ago. They compete at literally everything, even if it's something as simple as a "who can hug better" contest.

* See more under Att versus Deems.

**Edwin Case****:** Deems became fast friends with Detective Case ever since he realized he owned a bakery on the side, but after learning that Atakin was Edwin's college friend—and current *best* friend—their relationship quickly fell apart. Now Deems thinks of Edwin as another nemesis and whines about his "betrayal of friendship" to everyone he meets. Edwin does not hold the same resentment.

**Lacy Kathline****:** It was love at first sight for Deems, but that quickly faded once she opened her mouth and scolded him for being "unprofessional." Now he despises the "bitch," while not-so-secretly crushing on her at the same time.

**Park Chu Sung****:** Basically "Att #2" for Deems. He absolutely hates the man and tries to beat him at everything. Chu Sung tends to be far more physical than Atakin, often "hugging" Deems whenever they meet, which the judge takes as a legitimate attempt to murder him. Deems is constantly paranoid about the Korean, taking almost everything he says and does as some sort of bigger plot against him.

**Park Katie****:** Deems and Kay became fast friends, and thanks to his recent "breakup" with Edwin, he immediately deemed Kay his new "best friend," despite their giant age gap. Unlike her fathers, Deems completely trusts Kay as a perfect child who never does wrong. Whenever he brags about his friendship with Kay to others, he purposefully leaves out her age, in hopes that people think he's talking about an adult.

**Park Manjoon****:** Deems tended to be very guarded around Manjoon at first, suspicious of the Korean and his brute of a brother. He criticized Manjoon often, despite him not deserving it nearly as much as Atakin or Chu, the most common complaints deaing with how he slept around, calling him a "whore" on countless occasions. But due to the kind and motherly side of Manjoon's personality—as well as the fact that Manjoon often took his verbal abuse without fighting back—Deems started developing "feelings" for him. He eventually agreed to date him, but their initial relationship was hardly romantic at all, the petty judge refusing to admit he was doing it for anything outside of pity and a lack of a current girlfriend. They fought often, Deems nearly always being the one at fault, yet Manjoon stayed with him, much to his surprise. In time, Deems finally came to terms with his feelings, realizing Manjoon was the best thing to ever happen to him, and hoped desperately that they would be together forever. That said, he still has his doubts that he can live up to all those other men. While his bloated ego was initially the problem in their relationship, his new, far too sensitive side now tends to cause most of the drama.

**Regis Mendel:** Regis may have not been a *good* father figure, but Deems demonizes him far more than he deserves, twisting everything he does into something sinister and refusing to look at things from another angle. Perhaps the worst claim Deems makes is that he 'raped my mom,' which may be true in a legal sense, but in reality, it was his mother who had coaxed his formerly pushover father into sex before they were of age. That said, Deems isn't entirely in the wrong for his feelings towards his father, as he does truly resent Deems for being the unwanted child that ruined the life he had planned out for himself. He's cold and distant, and to a young child, rather scary.

**Sakura Mendel:** Sakura is less sympathetic than her step-father, having no tragic past that caused her to hold a grudge against Deems. To her, someone as dumb and childish as Deems doesn't *deserve* to be treated with respect, and the fact that his own father seems to look down on him only compounds her own treatment of him. Her abuse of him is entirely verbal, though Deems often retaliates physically, only to get his butt kicked and run away crying to his room. Sakura is the main reason why Deems is ~~a bit racist towards~~ wary of Asians, growing to believe in the 'Asians excel at everything' stereotype.

## Quotes

**Deems**: "*Villains like you are the ones who defend guilty clients!*"
**Att**: "*You’re the one defending someone who’s guilty by supporting Ms. Burke.*"
**Deems**: "*That’s not what my verdict’s going to say!*"
**Att**: "*Because you’re a terrible judge who makes wrong verdicts.*"
— Chapter 5 of Elisebeth's rewrite[src]

**Deems**: "*I am not a whore!*"
**Att**: "*You would literally have sex for a donut. That’s called being a whore.*"
**Deems**: "*I’d have sex for nothing! Does that mean I’m just a whore for everything?*"
**Att**: "*Yes, and that also means you’re a desperate virgin.*"
— Chapter 5 by Elisebeth[src]

"*In case you were wondering, I left you all for a bit to go, uhh...wash my face off with own tears. P-Pretty neat, huh?*"
—Deems being pathetic in Chapter 6

"*At this point, we’re basically just going around in circles, and I’m much more of a triangle lover myself. A LOVE triangle lover, that is.*"
—Deems on love.

"*Shit!*"
—Deems Mendel unknowingly describing himself.

"*There are plenty of great things about me. Like, for example: everything.﻿*"
—On a Crack Roleplay

## The Legal World Stats (This is not a real thing)

**Class:** Judge (Promoted form of **Prosecutor**)

**Special Attacks:**

* **Gavel Throw:** Throws gavel at one enemy. Ranged.
* **Trip:** Trips and falls, causing massive damage...to himself.
* **Trip over a Flight of Stairs:** Has a high chance of knocking himself out.
* **Eat** **Doughnut:** You'd think it'd heal health, but all it does is slow him down due to the extra weight.
* **Eat a Dozen** **Doughnuts:** May cause him to throw up, incapacitating him.
* **Recess:** Nullifies all attacks for one turn (both ally and enemy). Support skills and item usage still allowed.
* **Flirt:** Attempts to woo an enemy into joining his side.
* **Judgement:** Chose one target (enemy or ally) and declare them "Guilty" or "Not Guilty." If found "Guilty," auto-killed (or massive damage if a boss). If found "Not Guilty," fully healed (including revival).

**Innate Skill - Pastry Whore:** Charming pastries is twice as easy, but cuts the effectiveness against non-pastries in half.

## Trivia

* "Judge Mendel" is a pun off "Judgmental." "Deems" was chosen simply because it was short and uncommon, along with the fact that judging has to do with "deeming" people "Guilty" or "Not Guilty."
* Deems' nation, The Republic of Sexy Deems, is a very weaponized, crime-ridden land where immigrants and criminals are enslaved and being gay is a crime (mainly so people stop calling ***him*** gay). The national animal is the donut, and they do business in "Dead Atts."
* Deems has been scared of curry, ever since The Creepy Curry Lady paid him a visit in October, 2014.
* While he tends to gush more about the latest Blockbusters, Deems is a sucker for sappy romantic comedies and chick flicks.
* He has a pretty good singing voice and likes to sing in the shower and dabbles in guitar.
* Despite being a judge, he has almost nothing in the bank since he tends to spend his money on lavish dinners, dates, movies, and other outings.
* He's always been relatively skilled in English, due in part to his love of theater, but also due to his dad constantly correcting any grammatical mistakes he made as a child.
	+ Math is his worst subject, followed by Science.
	+ Full list of grade averages here.
* Deems is a supertaster and hates spicy food. He's not big on sour food either, though they're edible.
	+ He loves sweets, but prefers chocolate over other forms of candy.
	+ He hates the taste of most alcohol, but loves getting drunk both to forget his problems ***and*** because he thinks it's "cool."
		- He prefers sweet, fruit-based alcohol like Piña Coladas, Rossinis, Daiquiris, and Mojitos.
		- He also "likes" most expensive alcohols, assuming "expensive" means "good."
* He used to have an internet shrine dedicated to him , until the site went down.
* Deems was originally planned as being tall, but after drawing him with a woman who was later revealed to be 5'1", his "official" height became 5'7.5" to match the images he was in.
* His SSN is 438-351-1350 according to this post.

## Gallery

Atakin, Deems, Typhon, and Echidna on that...tag yourself thing.Att-ified Deems (The horror! The horror!)Deems and Atakin competing at a senior center.Deems and his Waifu Squad, a real Pokemon Showdown teamDeems wishing he'd be paired with girls.Deems does not approve of Draw Att.Attorney Rose Sinesta, Judge Deems Mendel, Prosecutor Gent L. Mann, and Detective Takahashi from a now defunct roleplay.Deems "confronting" Lawrencia Ricther about "stealing his role" in a now-deleted roleplay. Thanks, Ace.A very old version of Deems suffering from virginity.How to Ship Deems: A Simple GuideDeems makes the front page of the Los Tokyo Gazette.Deems x Donald CENSORED 2 (9-13-15).pngBeing a slut for Trump.Deems the Donut Dork (by Lady Ema Skye).Deems is apparently hot (but not godlike).Shamefully hiding his left eyebrow from the world, while possibly trying to suffocate himself with a donut bag.Birthday Celebration 2015.Deems' original bio from October 3, 2014. Yes, I realize I spelled "Judgmental" wrong.Santa x Deems by Eevee Eleven.Deems after Atakin blew up the courthouse (by the amazing Dickle Pickle)Deems is not a pedophile.One of Deems' many fantasiesHopefully not a canon image of Deems.The Evolution of Deems Mendel.Deems Manjoon Sketch (4-29-16).pngDeems being depressed, gay, and shirtless.Deems accidentally insulting himself.Deems giving drugs to minors.Deems the Escort escorting an old man, a young boy, and Phoenix Wright, all who are Mafia members.Deems being moor bootiful than Ema.Deems from an alternate universe celebrating Thanksgiving with his creepy wife and child.c