Snake the Giant Wolf Spider

*Not to be confused with Ssspider the Giant Poisonous Snake.*

(Imagine this but giant sized)

Snake was a member of Emily's Mourning Woods monster scrub team in the Monster Madness tourney. Snake had grown up in the forest beside many regressive-minded wolf spiders, but one day the mostly naked Battlemaster Emily Axford conscripted him to fight at a tournament created so a lord could bond with his shit son. The forced tournament was a (initially) a blessing in disguise however, as Snake met Jack Skeleton, a skeleton that he fell madly in love with mid-fight after spinning a thong bikini on to him. Tragically, Snake was forced to kill Jack and gave him a kiss of death, afterwards covering them both in debris and weeping. In round 2 of the tournament, Snake was killed in his fight with Rob the Zombie and joined Jack in the astral plane. However, due to Rob's zombie infection, Snake was torn away from Jack and came back to life as a zombie to fight a giant John Elway. Halfway through the fight, Snake was thrown into the air to fall to his death, a fall he embraced as he knew he would be back with Jack again.

## The Monster Madness Tournament

### **Round 1**

In the final match up of the first round of the tournament, Snake was forced to fight Jack Skeleton (The Squash Prince) in the arena. Starting out the fight, Snake bit Jack then covered himself in debris protecting him from an arrow from Jack's short bow. Next round, Snake spun a web in the form of a thong bikini and put it on Jack with the intention of humiliating him. This politically regressive tactic didn't affect Jack, as he looks fly in anything whatever his gender is. Unfortunately, the audience weren't woke so they didn't boo this regressive move, they were mostly just confused. At the end of his turn, Snake retreated back under his debris pile. Much to everyone's surprise, Jack actually looked fly as hell in the thong bikini, despite the fact that he literally had no ass whatsoever.

Jack stabbed at Snake causing mild damage then performed a seductive shimmy. Snake attempted bite Jack but missed, being too distracted by Jack's dance and speaking out "*I never realized you were so beautiful*". Jack also became enamored with Snake, and reluctantly went for his short sword which once again hit debris. They're being forced to fight. They never meant to fall in love. Snake attacked again but held himself back and said "*I love you too much, it hurts me how much I love you."* then once again hid under debris. Jack moved back and "kissed" an arrow (making Snake quiver) and whispered "*I'm caught in your web*" but it just kinda sounded like wind. Jack fired but missed, Snake then saying "*You're hurting me in so many ways*". Snake then went in for a kiss, but his fangs were out, the bite killing Jack. Jack used the clacking of his bones to communicate to Snake "*I love you*" just before dying. Snake began to weep and covered himself and Jack with debris. The Audience began to cry, and a slow clap began, which turned into cheering and screaming. The arena gave half price on hotdogs. It's revealed later that Jack was buried on the battle ground.

### **Round 2**

In the final match of the second round, Snake fought Rob, the Zombie while still struck by the grief of losing the love of his life not long ago. Even the decomposed image of Rob reminded Snake of Jack, the fight forcing him to relive the experience. With tears in his eight yellow wolf eyes, Snake went to kiss the zombie, trying to find an escape in a new lover. The Rob declines this advance wholeheartedly, having shipped Jack with Legolas, the Drow. Snake kept giving kiss bites and covering himself in debris afterwards, the debris comforting him and reminding him of being under there with Jack's dead body, when Jack was finally his but more far away than ever. Rob slammed Snake and did a large amount of damage. Snake, barely holding on, saw the image of Jack as his reality started to blur.

Thinking of the linguistic library he wanted to build in Jack's honor (Jack was a linguist who knew all languages before becoming a skeleton) and weeping from all eight eyes, Snake saw that the finishing blow against him was coming and said "*I deserve it for what I have done"*. Rob then slammed Snake into oblivion, making his legs fly off in all directions. The crowd booed heavily as all their favorite monsters were dying. At this point, the barely alive Snake looked up and sees a bony golden hand extend from above which pulled Snake away into the astral plane where Snake and Jack would be together forever... or so they thought.

### **Appearance of John Elway**

After the tournament ended and Lord Murphial's shit son transformed into a giant version of American football legend John Elway, Rob the Zombie's undead infection spread to some of the fallen combatants such as Snake, bringing them "back to life" as zombies. The resurrection of Snake was true pain for him as he just wanted to be dead with Jack Skeleton. Jack Skeleton was not zombified as he was already undead. In the fight, snake grabbed the magic bag of footballs that John Elway dropped and hurled it over to Legolas the Drow. Snake climbed up John Elway and tried to bite him in the neck to get his helmet off, but failed. Snake was eventually grabbed by Giant John Elway and thrown up into the air to fall to his death. On the way down, Snake said "*Jack, I'm coming back.*" and splatted on the ground with a spider-y smile on his face. When Snake returned to the astral plane he saw Jack again as the skeleton he fell in love with, now wearing a beautiful ball gown. Snake said to Jack "*Finally we can speak the same language.*", to which Jack responded "*We could always speak the same language*". Before Snake could respond, Jack put a bony finger on Snake's mandibles, and pulled him in for a passionate kiss. After, Snake said "*No, you shush."* and put all his 8 feet on Jack's "mouth" which was a little much.