Screweyes

Professor Screweyes was a punk sore at the world ever since the age of 20. When he was a boy, Screweyes and his brother Captain Neweyes (great parenting am I right) were both working together on a farm in Midwestern America. Their father Mr Richeyes had big plans in place for his children. He wanted his kids to become child prodigies in order to make up for the fact that he had lost his power and status as a genius when he made a big scene at a restaurant. Screweyes' father was terrified of langoustine, and once threw a plate up in the air while dining out at a local metro restaurant. After making a big scene, Richeyes was fired from his lecturing job at Fordham, and was forced to go on the road with his two sons who were only in their infant stages at the time. Screweyes' mother had left him and Neweyes before they were born in order to become a professional hockey player for the rangers. Whatever that means. Richeyes and his kids traversed America for many years before settling on land which had been cultivated by the Canadian Lawnmower Association back in the golden years of the Midwest or something like that. Now, Screweyes hated working on the farm, as while he had to do all the jobs such as milking the cows and sheering the sheep, his brother Captain Neweyes had to do nothing as he was the favoured son, he was busy anyhow working on a device which could help him see dreams so that he wouldn't forget them. Oh, he mustn't forget. The two brothers never got along particularly well, with Screweyes' only friend on the farm being these two crow brothers Joe and Anthony. Joe and Anthony were among the new generation of crows, with barely hidden contempt for the new combine harvesters that had sent the rest of their kind packing. The pair were very controlling over the farm having been hired by Richeyes to act as security guards. Joe was a firm believer in the term, "three is a crowd," and so when another crowd came to sit upon the wire that Joe and Anthony also sat upon, Joe played into the newbie's naivety by tricking him into biting on the wire which caused him to be electrocuted into a bloody mess. Joe and Anthony were the only friends that Screweyes had in his youth, which seems ironic looking back on as the years passed crows would become his number one fear. Now originally, the pair could not speak because they are crows ya know, and so because they didn't speak only squawked, Screweyes didn't realise that his two friends didn't actually care about him and thought he was weird.

It was of course then that Newseyes invented his Brain Grain Cereal which would give massive amounts of intelligence to any creature that ate it, and needing a willingly volunteer he decided to go with Anthony and Joe. The Brain Grain worked a treat, and both crow brothers were singing like a tea turtle. The two crows then began mocking Screweyes with Joe saying, "oh man you look like a sheep head." Joe was more intelligent than Anthony which meant that he was given a free reign on the farm by Richeyes. Meanwhile, Anthony was the crueller, the nastier, and the braver crow despite his outward niceness. He was kept very much under Richeyes' thumb which was covered in swine flu. Screweyes was worried because his father was very impressed with Newseyes' newly made Brain Grain Cereal as he picked up a bowl as he said, "now I'm impressed. Tomorrow, we pitch your idea to the Governor." Thinking he could prove his own worth to his father as well as his brother, Screweyes snuck into his brother's room late one night and added a bit of sugar into the Brain Grain Cereal as after taking a bite Screweyes remarked that it was a bit Oompa Loompa in taste. He knows what an Oompa Loompa taste like because they were considered a culinary cuisine during whatever year this was supposed to be. The following day at the old town hall, Newseyes had his cereal placed under a red sheet of cloth upon a wooden table. He pulled the cloth off with great applaud as he sang, "do you see what I see?" "What is this?" Asked The Governor who was a proper fat bastard, but don't you dare laugh at how much he wheezes while walking because he has a musket in his ass. The Governor picked up the cereal bowl, and ate from it. As The Governor held the spoon suspended in the air, Neweyes noticed that something was off, he noticed that the cereal had lost it's colour and was now a sickly green colour which is what happens when sugar is added to the mixture, as sugar weakens the chemical compound in the Brian Grain that causes the intelligence cells in the DNA to skyrocket. The Governor suddenly became very stupid as he was thrown into a local loony bin for making conspiracies about how it could be possible that the Sun has a person inside of it which would come out and slap your ass if you tried to break into it with an axe. The Governor and his cigars went into exile, and he was forced to live in a big wooden shack in the wetlands where a big muscled man he bunks with nearly destroys the mattress with his muscles. In his absence, his head of counsel; King Egg took command and he was very much a dictator in his purest form, and a vile egg too as he would whip the people in the town square with a whip made from lighting it was a little bit frightening, and he would do this if he wasn't paid in buckets of pure golden nuggets. Like his predecessor, King Egg also was really stupid, and he thought that there was gold in the Sun. He pointed at the star blazing in the mid-day garden sky as he proclaimed, "why didn't people tell me there was gold in the Sun?"

Back home, Neweyes had a massive go at his brother Screwyes for messing up his chances of going to West Coast Tech which was his dream school, and to hear Neweyes talk about it you'd almost think he wanted to marry the fricking college. The two brothers got into a boxing match, but it was cut short by their father Richeyes who had brought along with him King Egg. "Can I help you Sir?" Neweyes asked the King who responded with, "I believe you can my boy, I need you to use your skills in crafts to build me a ladder capable of reaching the Sun in orbit. Can you do it?" Richeyes had just been on his way from the town shop to beat Screweyes to death with a tin of pringles, but he was met with in the street by King Egg and his two heavily built bodyguards. King Egg threatened Richeyes by saying that if he didn't get his son Neweyes to help eggy, he would tell the whole town that Richeyes was having a spicy affair with Mr Morrisons which is how he is able to have so much food on the table despite only owning a small farm, and also how he is able to afford the really good brands like Cadburys and Jaffa Cakes. I hate Jaffa Cakes. Richeyes sweated like a mad man, and like some kind of Milton Ratface he began to rub the back of his oily head in rapid succession as he then said, "hey look we are all reasonable men and eggs here, we don't have to give assurances as if we were tomato ketchup and brown sauce in an ashtray." It was a popular analogy used by Richeyes, even though I'd be hardpressed to explain what it actually meant, and I'm sure that you can't either. King Egg was very impressed with the Brain Grain Cereal that Neweyes had made as he had been present during the failed presentation to The Governor. He was sitting in the back pew next to him was a vacant spot that once would have been housed by a skunk whom he used to hate, but now he pines for and he looks out his living room window every night hoping to see the skunk to show up again with his ass flavoured beef sticks. Though King Egg was actually younger than his father by at least 10 years, Neweyes spoke to Egg like he was much older; old enough to be his grandpa. GRANDPA! Captain Neweyes having always been a massive wet blanket and kiss ass he agreed to help King Egg out as he went to work on building the ladder with help from Anthony and Joe who would fly tools over to Neweyes as the ladder got higher and higher in rapid succession. Screweyes behind was left behind to tend to his chores on the farm, and he tried to make the best of it. Then came the fateful day that he lost his eye, and it became clear that was there no turning back then.

On a warm Thursday afternoon, Screweyes had just gotten the haystacks into their barrels or something, when he decided to take a snooze right underneath the shadow of a berry bush. The berries were the sweetest of sweet berries, however there was also another bush across the lane which were very poisonous, and Screweyes learned that the hard way when he accidentally put a bunch of them in a red berry cake which he then sold to the local theme park where most of the staff got really mad stomach ache and died while in the restroom that was too small I dare say, and the employees were sad so very sad indeed. From that point on, Richeyes had forbade his son from going anywhere near the berry bushes, but on this particular day Richeyes was out in the town waiting to have a gun duel as that's how things were settled back in these times, however Richeyes' enemy Foy McRoy will show up late to the duel, and he looks ill probably from the flu and he staggers back and forward as he didn't expect Richeyes to actually show up to the duel. Richeyes would end up quitting the duel on his own accord as he says that like his favourite band Fleetwood Mac, he needed to go his own way. Foy was shocked by this, but in the end I think he felt a bit better or something. Screweyes fell into a quick sleep and he blew the dust from his mouth, as the Sun began to set over the hills. In the early Sunset sky, a crowd had spotted a crow on the bush that caught it's fancy. The berry that the crow had it's eye on was on the edge of a twig which then snapped off. Screweyes had just woken up from the nap when the berry fell directly into his eye socket, and he was getting ready to pick it out when the hungry crowd flew down, and pecked for the berry. While pulling the berry out, the crow also yanked out the eye of Professor Screweyes. The crow yanked with so much force, that the entire eye was severed from it's socket and Screweyes was now one eye less. Scrweyes screamed in fright as the crow flew off with his eye and berry placed proudly upon it's talons. Not wanting his father to take him to the eye doctor who seems more concerned with his collection of hippo teeth than he does about actually treating eyes, Screweyes headed into his father's shed, and pulled a screweye out from one of his father's many toolboxes. Instinctively, Screweyes very cruelly and very deliberately proceeded to jam the screw directly into the socket of his recently detached eye. He jammed the screw, and twisted it into place until he was completely sure there was no chance of it ever falling out again. He tapped the tip of the screw as he remarked, "is this the place I've been dreaming of?"

Captain Neweyes always liked his brother, and tried to act supportive towards the new steel eye that Screweyes had selected to replace his fallen eye with, but Screweyes no longer cared for anything that his brother had to say. Neweyes had recently finished work on the ladder for King Egg, and King Egg danced to the top of the ladder as he reached the Sun. Using a sledgehammer, King Egg was able to make a massive hole in it which caused an electric being to come out from it, and it began beat up King Egg before sending him flying down towards the ground to his death. King Egg cracked into a million tiny bite size pieces, and none of his servants or horses bothered to put him back together again as there was enough eggs n soldiers for everyone. I guess The Governor had been right about one thing then. Neweyes was not bothered by the death of King Egg and neither was his father, and Neweyes had already started construction on a new invention which was a spaceship that he would use to sail across the cosmos when he got old enough to seek his fortune. His brother Screweyes meanwhile had decided that it was finally time to even the score with good ole Anthony and Joe. Anthony and Joe were perched upon their favourite tree on top of a hill which overlooked the entire farm, when from up above a goose named Pelican crashed into them. Kind of ironic, being a goose but his name is Pelican isn't it? Like Anthony and Joe, Pelican had recently been granted abnormal intelligence after being tricked by Screweyes into eating some of his brother's Brain Grain Cereal. Pelican explained to Screweyes that he was a hit bird for the New Jersey Mob, and he did reside on a farm up near Ridgewood but he was mocked at by the local horses because he didn't know who Kevin Richards is. He also ran afoul of the owner by taking a massive dump on them because they cared more about raking in the dough than actually caring for the horses in the stables that were practicing politics as horses tend to do ya know. Pelican was the Luca Brasi equivalent of the goose world, and he was feared throughout the East and a little bit in the West, just a bit in the West though nothing too crazy. Pelican's talent it was said was that he could kill a bird no matter the price, and since he needed no backup for a hit it made a conviction neigh on impossible. Heh heh neigh, do you see what I did there? Sorry that got really sinister all of the sudden, but in any case having been paid in buckets of screws by Professor Screweyes, Pelican proceeded to brutally kill Anthony and Joe by running them over with his motorcycle as while he was a goose, Pelican was also a massive auto enthusiast, and he was interested in cars and bikes even before consuming the Brain Grain. Now that he had human like intelligence, Pelican was able to take his interest to the next level by buying himself a bike which he named Missy for unknown reasons, possibly a reference to his wife who was killed in a car bomb that had been planted by his best friend during his tenure in New York City; Peter McAlister Horacio Parrot intended to kill Pelican. Peter McAlister Horacio Parrot hated New York, and wanted to go to Britain specifically Carlyle, and he was given a massive Carlyle Log by a butler from way down there named Smithey who promised Peter McAlister Horacio Parrot a free pass down there if he helped with murdering Pelican who several years earlier had murdered Smithey's beloved pet Jack Rabbit. Event though Peter McAlister Horacio Parrot failed to deliver on the contract, Smithey still honoured his side of the deal, and the parrot was given a free home in Carlyle Castle where he made a living out of insulting the local bulldog over the way he and the cows make lasagne like they were painting a town with cuscus.

Anthony and Joe were buried in the foundation of the farm, and Richeyes blamed Screweyes for the deaths, and proceeded to send him on his way to live with his aunt Mrs Wilberfost who lives right next to the highway. Captain Neweyes refused to acknowledge his brother after what had happened with the crow twins. Screweyes knew that his brother always hated him for getting the pair into trouble. Many years ago, their father had hired a camel named Cloyd Camel to come to the farm in order to lecture the two brothers about the importance of not wasting water. Cloyd lectured the eye brothers on how to use water responsibly, and how not to use a toilet like a dustbin and if you got a dustbin use it. Cloyd also used a rap to make all of his points about using water correctly, and the two brothers decided to test how quickly they could set their new camel mentor off. Neweyes was against the idea as he really liked Cloyd and his raps, but Screweyes offered to let Neweyes eat his bowl of Granola if he did. Captain Newsyee will do anything for a hand full of Granola. Out on the town green, the two brothers threw water balloons at each other, and they were wasted even more water by firing a hose all around the place. A furious Cloyd Camel ran out onto the green and yelled, "what are you doing?" Cloyd Camel was very emotionally sensitive, and he hated it when people didn't take his advice seriously. Cloyd Camel was thankfully discovered to be using his façade as a water spokesman as laundering from his various washing machine rackets, and so he went on the run to Adaptation City, what a name I know! Screweyes didn't receive any punishment for this, but Neweyes did as Screweyes was able to trick their father into thinking that Neweyes was responsible and that he had deliberately provoked Cloyd because he had a fear of camels ever since he had a nightmare of Joe Camel. Neweyes used to think Joe Camel was as groove as an actor in a movie, but Screweyes now flashed a box of candy cigarettes at his brother just to see him freak out. This was one big lie however, as Captain Neweyes didn't even know who Joe Camel is, and he hated candy cigarettes anyway but more because he hated the fact that it was promoting smoking to the youth clubs especially the one in the Garment Centre. Down on his luck and not wanting to want stay with Auntie Wilberfost, Screweyes headed into town and caught himself a cone of chips as he debated walking along the seafront and dipping his toes into the ocean. Screweyes didn't blame his brother for choosing not to say goodbye to him, as his brother was often bullied by Screweyes because he was as wimpy as a packet of red laces. After leaving the beach due to the no screws allowed policy, Screweyes was about to head back home to ask for forgiveness from his father and brother when he saw what appeared to a big top tent just across the square look at Quasi there. Huzzah! Could this be Professor Screweyes' chance to make it big?

Screweyes crept his way on over to the circus only to get freaked out when he saw a crow (the same crow that had taken his eye), sitting on a streetlight glaring at him. As a result of the stolen eye, Screweyes now feared the crows greatly, and he ran down the street screaming like a mad Screweyes before he ended up right in the heart of the circus where the ringmaster got very angry because Screweyes had interrupted his performance. A clown named Stubbs was being made to do a comedy skit with a gorilla albeit a guy wearing a gorilla costume, but Stubbs was terrified of gorillas and so became very awkward when he had to yell at the gorilla for being an ass for nicking his banana. Stubbs was a very friendly clown, and in the years to follow he would become Professor Screweyes' right-hand man in the eccentric circus trade. Much like how Screweyes later acted towards people who invaded his circus unannounced, the ringmaster got very angry with Screweyes as he threatened to make the young nat into firewood. Screweyes after explaining his situation and saying that he really wanted to join the circus, the ringleader showed himself to be a very understanding man as he threw three chocolate golden coins into Screweyes's hand as he said, "take three coins, and give them to him." Screweyes had no idea who the master was referring to, and he ate the coins all in one big bite. Screweyes' job in the circus was to clean the pens, but most importantly he had to clean the gorilla pen which was ran by the angriest and also the most considerate gorilla that I ever did see. The gorilla was so angry it had to be caged, but one time in a fit of anger he managed to break one of the bars on his cage clean off. Not wanting the ringleader to be given a hefty bill from Bill The Bill, the gorilla tried to act unknowing as he proceeded to twist the bar back into place which worked like a glove dipped in the richest of pure kerosene. Screweyes was supposed to wait until the dark of the night before he cleaned the gorilla's pen, but on this day he had forgotten to clean the night before due to having a midnight champagne party with Stubbs and his fellow clowns. Screweyes crept his way very creepily into the gorilla pen, but in comical fashion as he was busy cleaning up the gorilla's droppings, the gorilla itself appeared behind Screweyes snarling and blaring. Like his hero Norbert, Screweyes pulled an incredibly shocked face as he turned to face the gorilla who was yelling like no tomorrow as he chased Screweyes onto the main circus arena where Stubbs was getting ready to climb into a cannon for the guests one of whom just so happened to be Governor Frank Burning who was the big cheese of this village following the fall of King Egg.

Now in these times it was a customary for a high-ranking public official such as Burning to attend the circus in order to see it truly required government funding as all circuses were funded by the government at the time of Screweyes meeting Stubbs. Upon seeing the gorilla entering the arena, Stubbs tried to play it cool thinking that it was still his mate in the costume only to realise the harsh reality when the gorilla began beating the floor with it's immense muscles. In a real Scooby Doo like scene, Stubbs was chased around the entire arena by the gorilla. The whole audience including Governor Burning cheered in admiration. Burning lit himself and the ringmaster two big fat Cuban cigars as he declared that Stubbs' freakout and the angry gorilla chasing him was the best and funniest thing he had ever seen while at a circus. "I loved that! A bit more of that would go a long way." Burning said as he left the circus in his car which had a confederate flag thrown over the hood while he had an eagle shaped hood ornament which is how you know that ole Frank Burning was a proper American custard slice. Realising that fear was actually very well received by an audience, Professor Screweyes decided that this was his chance to make it into the big leagues. However, Screweyes failed to understand where the positive reaction from Burning and the audience had come from. They were cheering and laughing because Stubbs was so scared of the gorilla. Screweyes was very short sighted and wanted to make the audience experience their own fears in an event he would call an eccentric circus. He wanted to show Burning and the rest as well as his father and brother back home that being scared shitless was no laughing matter. Screweyes left the circus after he hypnotised the ringmaster into closing down his circus, and moving to Scotland to become the Thane of Corridor. Screweyes was able to hypnotise people with his steel eye, and allow me to explain if I may how he was able to pull that off exactly. While working those long hard hours cleaning up gorilla and hyena shit, Screweyes had headed into town to get his eyes examined by a man who claimed to be a licensed hypno therapist. Screweyes sat down on a therapy lounge chair in the hypnotist's office as he made a big stink about how there was no such thing as hypnosis which caused the hypnotist to smile an incredibly evil smile as he was able to make Screweyes dance like an Egyptian toll booth collector. When asked how he did that, the man explained to Screweyes that his mind warping powers came from a special medallion that hung around his neck which had been gifted to him by Sil his boss from Thoros-Beta. Sil had given the magic man the power of hypnotising others in order to gather up souls that Sil could then put in a locket and then put in his pocket or something. "What's this do again?" Screweyes joked as he picked the amulet off from the man's beard and proceeded to throw it down on the ground creating a jumble of green and purple lights to go from side to side.

Horrified, the man tried to gather up the broken pieces and build a LEGO house while the hypnotising that had been inside of the amulet now went inside the steel eye of Professor Screweyes. Sil then crashed into the walls of the office as he ordered the hypnotist back home for failing so miserably. The hypnotist was clearly terrified of Sil, and this made it all the more horrifying to me at least as ole Screweyes couldn't care in the least as he snickered evilly finally having the means to control his own fear. Using the steel eye, Screweyes was able to do mind warping of his own, and he brainwashed some local crows into following him at all times most notably of course the crow that had taken his eye. Screweyes now had a peculiar fear of crows, and so now he keeps them by him at all times thanks to his new found hypnotising powers. He is afraid of them, but he is their master. He is the master of his fear! Wanting to learn more about fear and how to use it's powerful girth to it's fullest potential, Screweyes and the newly made redundant Stubbs had themselves a couple lectures over at the local university, but sadly all though Professor Screweyes was very intelligent and had a lot of enthusiasm for the class; the lecturer was more interested in the other new student James P Sullivan who the old lecturer clearly had a real hard on for. The lecturer asked Sully a question about how dream catchers are used to catch nightmares, and Sully got the question wrong so wrong it's almost insane. Screweyes tried to throw in his two cents, but almost immediately the lecturer cut him off by saying, "that'll no do son. Mr Sullivan's got it covered." Sully gave the lecturer a wink and a clicky finger pose thing, and the lecturer smirked. Hmm, Sully x the unnamed lecturer? Never mind The Notebook, that's the love story we need to see on our tellies right this instant. Leaving the university with more questions than answers, Screweyes had come out of the experience entirely unsatisfied as while in the mess hall, both he and Stubbs were able to befriend a purple monster named Arf who was going to become their first addition in the upcoming Professor Screweyes' Eccentric Circus.

Back home, Captain Neweyes had finally achieved great success by building a special smelly radio that allows him to view the dreams of children or something, and he desired one day to make their wishes come true as he went back to working on his rocket ship, The two brothers would never speak to each other again until they were both old farts trying to see which one was the lesser of the two evils. That evening, was going to be the first showing of the eccentric circus, and Professor Screweyes had Stubbs go all around the village placing flyers up to advertise it. Stubbs was not given a car as Screweyes doesn't believe they exist, and as a result, Stubbs was forced to instead ride on a red bicycle. "Gee, thanks Professor." Stubbs muttered sarcasticlly as Screweyes patted the clown on the head as he said, "don't worry about it babesh." Riding a ki's bicycle in broad daylight was very embarrassing for Stubbs well at least it was until he saw a man riding a Mario Kart go kart in real life who was ordering takeout from a Sonic's. He asked for 1000 chilly dogs, but the man running the frontlines of the Sonic's was wise to the plot and gave the man no chilly dogs only windows. Professor Screweyes was already known around town as the fruit cake, and so you better believe the first addition of his circus was packed to the brim with people including Burning, his father Richeyes, Jules Segal the one Las Vegas doctor you don't want to go to even if you're knocking on death's door with a permit, and even Jack Hench himself was in attendance. A mist of purple smoke appeared first, before Screweyes stood on the podium of knowledge to address his audience. "Welcome to Professor Screweyes' Eccentric Circus!" Screweyes proclaimed at the very top of his lungs as he then said, "tonight we've got something extra special planned for you, just you wait, oh just you wait and see what we do!" Screweyes looked on over to his right where Stubbs was standing holding onto a lever. Screweyes nodded his head impassively, as the smiling Stubbs proceeded to yank the lever down with so much force, it's a wonder he didn't break it. The whole arena became engulfed in darkness, and then out from the red velvet curtains came Artwho just stood there impassively as he asked, "dudes can I get some ketchup?" Artthen began running up towards the audience to ask if they had heard from his folks over in uni, but everyone got terrified. A full on riot occurred with people trying to rip open the big top, and other people were so scared they climbed to the top of the railing. "It's not that scary. I knew a kid like that from school whose doing very well for himself these days." Remarked Frank Burning who puffed on another Cuban cigar. However, that was when Burning felt the unmistakable feeling of being watched. Turning around to his left, Burning nearly fell out from his chair when he saw... I can't even describe what he saw. It... it was an abomination...a freaky looking thing with a phallic looking face and neck. "You're not that tough." The thing said as it slowly tiled its head towards Jack Hench who just laughed at it as he shoved buttery popcorn into his mouth as he declared this to be the best circus he had ever seen, and keep in mind this was before a lot of acclaimed circuses came to town, but that was still high praise if only Professor Screweyes had been near Hench to hear it. Frank Burning became white like a ghost as he ran out from the circus screaming and crying for a bag of chips or a Satandare phone. Satandare? I mean how could that be anything but a political statement?

Well, I'm the type of guy who will never settle down, I like to roam around... sorry about that I got Chicken Run on the mind, but anyways, Screweyes satisifed with the crowd's reaction particular that of Frank Burning stood proudly in the purple smoke clouds as he asked himself rhetorically, "do you see what they are most afraid of?" He still had to get Jack Hench though. Screweyes knew all about Hench having read all the stories about him in the tabloid papers that were thrown at his door every morning. Hench had a weird fear of vegetables after he was told by a crush that all veggies have bugs in them, and the night after being told that Hench had had a nightmare where after eating a big vegetable curry, a spider made a web inside his stomach. On the stage, two anthromorphic veggies appeared including a very sick looking tomato that was being treated by a carrot doctor. The carrot doctor was treating the tomato, and the carrot turned to face the horrified looking Hench as he asked, "donde esta?" The tomato looked very sick as he said, "donde... donde esta." Hench then proceeded to run onto the stage where Stubbs was getting ready to do his own act of the show which was the cannon trick that he was trying to do earlier, but it got interrupted by Screweyes. This time the act was interrupted by Jack Hench who proceeded to climb inside the cannon, and with help from...that thing with the horrific face a match was lit, and the cannon shot Hench high up into the sky, but he didn't get very far at all and like some kind of Buzz Lightyear he tried to reach for the sky as best he could, but he fell to the cold hard ground and suffered a nasty concussion as a result. Hench was taken to Albion Hospital to be treated, and when he came to he was horrified to learn that the carrot doctor was the one treating him. "Donde esta?" The carrot asked as he held up a bottle of headache tablets. "Oh no!" Cried Jack Hench, but it was no use. Forget it Jack, it's vegetable town. The general idea for the eccentric circus is that Professor Screweyes wanted to make people experience their own fears just like he was doing with his own by having the crows accompany him at all times. Although, the show was a smash hit, both Governor Burning and Jack Hench refused to provide funding for it having been too traumatised to even look ole Screweyes in the steel eye. Screweyes was nice to Stubbs early on in their partnership, and allowed him to perform his own funny acts during their shows as part of a warm up for the audience, and to trick them into thinking it was just going to be your ordinary circus, but it was one big Sollozzo type trap. Sadly, Screweyes as the years passed came to hate the laughter and forbade Stubbs from ever making anyone laugh ever again as he felt like laughter meant that people weren't taking his fear inducing circus seriously. From that point on, the warmup acts were now depressing and just Stubbs horrifically injuring himself while Screweyes makes a stink about how you always need insurance for things such as this. You know, Stubbs they're always hiring in the mailroom. Just thought you'd be interested. I mean anything's got better than serving as a lapdog in Professor Screweye's Eccentric Circus.

Oh! But Professor Screweyes never needed financial support from the government to run his eccentric circus, the entire point of that first circus had been to see if his fear inducing circus idea could work as a means of long time work, and sure enough it appeared to do just that. Every October for the next several decades, Screweyes and Stubbs would set up camp in any American city typically New York City, and would scare the pants off from people who attended with Screweyes using their greatest fears against them. Before going into see the show, you had to write down what your biggest phobia was on a clipboard which Screweyes would then use as reference for the show. I was one of the fateful attendees of a Screweyes Eccentric Circus. I have a fear of wild hogs, and Screweyes let one loose during Stubbs' warmup act, and the damn thing chased me all around town and all the way back to the Tiki Lodge. I was late for a fitting at the Lodge, so that wasn't too bad I suppose. Over the years, Screweyes grew old and grey though Stubbs never did oddly and neither did the crows who looked the same at all times. They were by Screweyes' side at all times, and he used his hypno powers to keep them at bay, not knowing that one slip up would man the crows turning on him. While claiming to be the master of fear itself, when Professor Screweyes is alone, he gets very frightened himself as the crows could turn on him, but like that's never gonna happen! Then one day everything changed, after Stubbs got into a massive accident to his delight someone could be heard laughing from underneath the big top. Screweyes then saw that two children were watching, and decided to confront them to stay away. He didn't realise that when the following day was over, it would all be over for him and his eccentric circus would be toasty than toast.