ANGRY GRANDPA HATES FARGO

Michael: Today is our first trip in North Dakota. Today, we will go to Fargo.

AGP: Like Wells Fargo?

Bridget: No!

Tina: I heard they got a cool zoo.

JC: We should go to the Air Museum!

Jacob: I wanna see cowboys!

AGP: They only have cowboys in Texas!

Bridget: Did you just assume cowboys are only in Texas?

AGP: Yes! They only exist in Texas!

Michael: That’s weird!

*At Fargo...*

Michael: Our first stop is the Red River Zoo.

AGP: What the fuck? Where’s the red river?

Tina: I don’t think there’s a red river.

AGP: Well why the hell do they call it Red River Zoo?

Michael: I don’t know.

Johnny: Look! They got red pandas!

JC: Look! There’s meerkats!

Jacob: Look! There’s wolves!

Tyler: WOLF GANG!!!

Michael: That’s Tyler, The Creator!

AGP: Fuck Tyler! His music is shit!

Tina: There’s gray wolves.

AGP: WOLVES?!?!

Tour Guide: They used to roam most of the continental US, but now they only roam the most northern areas. However, they are gonna make a comeback!

AGP: You know, I’m better off looking at Tyler, The Bitch!

Bridget: Give the zoo a chance!

JC: We can go watch a movie!

Michael: Sure!

*They watched Animal Kingdom, a 2010 Australian movie*

AGP: That was shit!

Michael: I thought it was good.

Bridget: Me too!

JC: Can we go to the air museum now?

Tina: Me too! I love planes!

Michael: Okay.

*They travel to the Fargo Air Museum*

AGP: This is boring. I found Animal Kingdom more entertaining than this shit!

Michael: You gotta give it a chance!

JC: Look at that fighter jet!

AGP: THERE’S A FIGHTER JET IN NORTH DAKOTA?!?! WHAT A MIRACLE!!!

Michael: There’s also red panda as, meerkats, and gray wolves in North Dakota!

AGP: What are you talking about? We didn’t see any of those!

Michael: What?!

Bridget: Look! It’s the Challenger from 1986!

AGP: Rest In Peace to Michael J. Smith, Dick Scobee, Ronald McNair, Ellison Onizuka, Christa McAuliffe, Gregory Jarvis, and Judith Resnik.

```
If this was a game, I already know that I would come out winner
And I'm not bragging, I'ma be in her
But this bitch really think that I'm 'bout to buy her dinner
My steak good, I got a good cut like Splinter
Juicy and hot, such a black bitch temper
Now she wanna talk and chop it up like a blender
But I don't give a fuck and or even listen like Schindler
She's cute but her forehead's big
Got stretch marks like she got four kids
Her legs can't close like the four door hinge Bronco
That O.J. killed the white whores with
A wealthy white girl without the facelift
Lure her with expensive dinners and a nice bracelet
Leave the bitch breathless, what the bitch don't know is that
I'm a mothafuckin' sellout and a rapist

```

```
Baby, you're an angel
How about we turn this into a fable of some sort?
You already know you're dead
Ironic 'cause your lipstick's red, of course
I stuff you in the trunk, drunk
'Cause all I really wanna do is fuck and snort blow

```

AGP: TINA!!! THIS IS SERIOUS!!!

Tina: Sorry!

Johnny: Look at that Boeing airplane!

AGP: They’ve been acting all aggressive and shit with Trailwood lately and I don’t know why!

Michael: Well let’s go!

*They travel to Thunder Road*

Michael: Bow this is the best part! We will play laser tag and then mini golf!

JC: Kids VS Adults!

Michael: Bring it on!

*They spent an hour playing laser tag*

Michael: That was fun!

Johnny: We should do it more often!

Bridget: Even Charles had fun!

AGP: I guess so. Now let’s get golfing!

*They spent time playing mini golf, but AGP aid hating it*

AGP: WHY CAN’T I GET IN THE GOD DAMN HOLE?!?!

Michael: Relax!

Tina: I got a hole in one!

AGP: WHAT?!?!

*AGP breaks his club*

Michael: DAD!!!

Bridget: What are you doing?

AGP: FUCK FARGO!!!

*AGP proceeds to breaks everyone else’s clubs and shout vulgar language about Fargo and North Dakota*

Employee: You all need to get out!

AGP: FINE, BITCH!!!

*At the motel...*

Michael: Do you realize you just ruined everyone’s day?

AGP: I don’t care.

Bridget: We were all having fun and you ruined it!

AGP: Not my problem.

Michael: You know, you’ve been a problem since we started this-

AGP: WE SHOULD’VE STAYED IN SOUTH CAROLINA!!!

Tina: Can’t you just have fun with us?

AGP: No!

Michael: *Crying* I fucking can’t!