233: Leave It To Three Loaf Cleaver

## Summary

Batthwack blocks Will from reading his thoughts, but not before Will learns that he's been in contact with Zantras the Kingmaker. Raphina isn't able to remember Batthwack's name, but Gwen cures her and then tries to convince the party to get back on track with helping the umlauts. They then spot a unusually tall figure moving through the forest, who's fur-filled footprints they follow to a homely cave dwelling, where the smell of freshly baked bread fills the air as they open the door.

## Synopsis

Will (still with bloody nose from being kicked in the face by Batthwack) shouts *"Have you made a deal with the Kingmaker here?!"* whilst probing deeper with his *Detect Thoughts* spell. Batthwack isn't quite quick enough to cast *Dispel Magic* and is unable to resist the effects of Will's spell, so Will reads Batthwack's deeper thoughts as *"I'd hardly call it a deal that we made"* before the magic is dispelled. Will's face pales and he backs away and he looks around at the party.

Batthwack asks Will why he's trying to read his mind. Will says *"I'm worried about everybody right now. Okay?"* Gwen appeals to the group, telling them that what they should be worrying about is their promise to help the umlauts. Batthwack says *"I just want to tell you guys about what just happened."* *"Gather round, we're gunna listen to Tamra"* says Raphina. Will ignores Batthwack and goes over to Raphina, kneeling down in front of her, one knee in the mud, and grabs her shoulders. *"Are you okay?"* he says. Raphina is stunned by the fact that Will is touching her and she hugs him. Will says *"Clearly most of Raphina is okay, but she can't remember Batthwack's name."* Raphina points out that it's not an easy name to remember and Mo agrees that it's a weird name. He asks them if they heard Farella say that she was going to mess with one of their minds and he suspects it was Raphina's. The group wonder whether the orb that Batthwack touched could have been Farella's doing. Will points out that Gwen's mind doesn't seem to have been affected, though she has only really said that she wants to help the umlauts. *"We don't care about stupid creatures in the forest!"* he yells and a host forest creatures scatter in fear. Gwen says she *does* care about them, and although the group has problems, the umlauts' are more immediately pressing. Will insists that Raphina's memory problem is more important to him, having known her a lot longer than Gwen. Batthwack points out that Will seems a lot more kingly from his new perspective, closer to the ground.

Batthwack tells the group that he was offered a gift by the spirit he spoke to, but he can't remember their name. He also reminds them that they've received gifts before, which also seemed to come with consequences. Gwen is confused; her patron Moondreamer gave her powers, but there were no consequences. Will reminds her that at one point she did speak to someone apparently pretending to be Moondreamer, so she has issues just like the rest of them. Raphina is confused what they're talking about and asks if Batthwack was one of the spirit's names. Gwen suggests Shortstack as a his new name.

Gwen says she might be able to help Raphina and casts *Remove Curse*, causing Raphina to shudder with delight. *"Okay, so are we listening to Batthwack now?"* says Raphina. *"... Oh! Maybe it worked!"* Will can't resist reminding her that Batthwack is really called Shortstack Batthwack now, and everyone has to then explain to Mo what a short stack. There's a quick roll-call of names to check everyone's memories are now back to normal, but Mo just ends up horribly confusing Will and they give up.

Suddenly, Batthwack and Raphina catch a glimpse of something off in the distance, in the darkness of the woods. A very tall, humanoid figure with long limbs is striding purposefully through the trees. They tell the rest of the group and Will whirls around to try and see. Gwen says she wants to go and talk to whoever it is, because they might be able to help them with their umlaut quest, but Will urges caution. Raphina agrees with Gwen, suggesting that whoever it is might be hairy or might have a badger. Batthwack thinks they should get closer to learn more. Gwen's patience runs out and she purposefully grabs a couple of gold coins from the pile left by Farella's goldlem and says *"Alright, guys. I'm gonna go help the umlauts. I'm not sure who's helping me but you can stay here and figure things out or what. I'm gonna go help them."*

Mo says he's going to follow Gwen. *"I'm gunna go with her! She looked very mad before and very bitey and cool!"* Raphina also grabs some coins, thinking that they could useful for bribes if this person in the woods turns out to be bad. Will suggests they sneak closer and Mo offers to track the whatever-it-is. Gwen asks Mo to help her track down a badger and the furry ingredient they need; she just wants to head back the way they came and focus on finding the ingredients for the stew. Will doesn't know what to do, but doesn't want to split up the group. Batthwack is oddly quiet (even for him), seemingly just waiting to see what Will wants to do.

Raphina gets out a jaw harp and starts playing it loudly, hoping to attract the attention of the tall figure, but they seem to have disappeared into the forest, too far away now to hear. Will is unsure about Gwen's determination to head back the way they came; wondering if her mind might have been affected by Farella. He tries to get some kind of consensus on what they should do. Mo says he wants to track the tall creature and Raphina wants to go with him. Batthwack is feeling very unsettled about his current predicament and just asks Will what he wants to do. Mo asks *"Do you want piggyback ride, Batthwack?"* Batthwack goes to kick Mo in the shin, but Will intercepts it, taking the kick himself. *"What is your problem?"* says Will angrily. *"You're the size of a child. You don't got to act like one."* Will seems pleased with this, saying *"That was good. Right?"* as he high-fives Mo. The lizardfolk is a very enthusiastic high-fiver though and nearly sends Will reeling.

It seems there is a sort of consensus to follow the creature. Indicating where they saw the tall figure, Will says *"Two people want to go that way."* Mo dashes off without hesitation. *"Mo! Wait!"* cries Will, and heads off after him. Gwen is very frustrated. *"Fine. As long as we can look for the other stuff the umlauts need. I don't want to forget about them."*

They follow Mo as quietly as they can. Batthwack finds it a lot harder to keep up. Gwen begrudgingly brings up the rear. After a short while, Mo shouts *"Look!"* and points to the ground. They see a series of very large footprints in the soil. They're barefoot and proportionate in size to the very tall creature seen earlier, but the oddest thing about them is that they're filled with hair. Will stares in disbelief for a moment and then says *"There you go, Gwen. Are you happy now?"*

Batthwack tries to grab a handful of the hair, but as soon as he does, it turns into grass in his hand. They're immediately reminded of what happened with Farella's four-leaf clovers and Will's heart sinks as he envisages them having to battle a giant hairy creature this time instead. Raphina wonders why they can't just use their own hair in the stew, but Mo points out that the umlauts are hairy, and they have a "supreme forager" who goes out and collects these ingredients specially, so there must be something special about the hair they collect. Gwen says maybe Farella ate the supreme forager and Mo wonders if things are just messed up in the same way that the party have spoken about, e.g. snowing in the summer, etc. *"Or maybe I just talk out ass"* he says. Will reassures him, *"Mo, you're smarter than you think you are. You seem very perceptive sometimes"*.

Mo follows the footprints, which continue into the forest. The creature that made them clearly has a large stride, but Mo has no difficulty in tracking them. There's no sign of the figure that they saw, but eventually they arrive at a small clearing, the sun beaming down from an opening in the forest canopy above. Before them is what looks like a cave, the opening of which is walled off with rough-fired clay bricks. There are no windows, but set into the brick wall is a very tall wooden door. The forest here is notably quiet, no bird song can be heard, and the smell of baking bread wafts through the air.

Gwen's quite intrigued by the smell of the baking and she approaches to see if there's a knocker or anything. *"I'm sure you'll get along with the evil monster lurking inside!"* says Will. Gwen knocks on the door, but there's no answer. She tries the door (accompanied by the sound of Will's protestations), which swings open easily. The smell of baking bread gets stronger as a warm glow and the sense that this is a nice, warm, good place, emanates ominously from within.

## Quotes

* Gwen: *"So let's do a roll call."* (points to Raphina) *"Does everyone know who this is?"*
Will: *"Raphina."*
Mo: *"I'm Mo!"*
Will: *"No, Mo! Raphina. She's pointing to Raphina."*
Mo: *"Raphina!"*
Will: (annoyed) *"Mo!"*
Mo: *"No, that Raphina."*
Will: *"I know. You're Mo."*
Mo: *"Yes, that what I said!"*
Will: (points at Mo) *"Who is this guy?"*
Mo: *"She's Raphina."*
Will: *"No! Who are you?"*
Mo: (confused) *"What?"*
Will: *"Oh, God. Alright."* (Will jerks a finger at Mo) *"Does everybody know who this person is?"*
Mo: *"Yes."*
Gwen: *"That's Mo."*
Will: *"Yep."* (addresses Raphina) *"Raphina?"*
Mo: *"No! Mo!"*

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Eric. After Abby's slip up, *"I thought it was gonna turn to three loaf clovers. Three loaf cleavers! THREE LOAF CLEAVERS!!"* Eric says *"Leave it to three loaf cleaver! That's what I always say."*

## References

1. ↑ See episodes 209: Various Brick Sounds and 212: Hubbubbada Bubbada!
2. ↑ See https://www.realsimple.com/food-recipes/short-stack-pancakes
3. ↑ See episode 218: Sure, I'll Consider It: A Phil Lompion and Fatmack Story
4. ↑ In much the same way as Farella's footsteps were filled with four-leaf clovers.
5. ↑ A nod to episode 77: The Last Episode (Of Leave It To Beaver) and Leave it to Beaver itself