Anew

**Anew** is a one-shot fanfiction written by Moonspirit. It is the backstory to her character, **Shadow**, in Mapledrift’s roleplay, the **Tests III**. Credit for Iseti, Hawkchaser and the Snow Wraiths go to Mapledrift.

*The first thing I remember was the cold.*

 Freezing cold. All of my kit-hood was spent huddled under the warmth of my mother, with my brother close by, mewling pitifully if the chill reached our tiny, frail bodies. But as our fur grew, so did our tolerance of the rigid cold of our home in Iseti. Shard, my brother, had handsomely thick white fur that blended perfectly into the snow and ice, and dark amber eyes that would scare the life out of a cat that didn’t expect to see a fine-looking tom with such a cold gaze. I, on the other hand, was bright red, with black ear tips that stood out even when I tried to lay low. Only my eyes shared resemblance with my brother, and were also a deep, dark amber. My brother was sometimes better at hunting, but it never bothered me. He was never too boastful, and was a happy, pleasant cat to be around. We had a spat occasionally, as all siblings do, but overall our relationship was calm and enjoyable and I loved him dearly.

My life was ordinary. Too ordinary. My brother longed for an adventure, a true adventure like our ancestors once had many moons ago. He longed to fight their battles and travel their paths. Oh, he was an adventuresome cat. I was happy with my quiet life, with the most exciting thing to ever happen was my mother bringing home a bright, twinkling, pure white crystal, permission to keep it from Iseti’s ruler, Hawkchaser himself. I didn’t want adventure, and I thought I could hide from it forever.

But it found me.

No cat can escape drama. No cat can keep everyone and everything safe from evil. Not even Hawkchaser knew the Snow Wraiths were coming.

But they came.

The moon was almost full, midnight dragging on the silence as cats slept in their dens of snow, perhaps dreaming of a warmer, better place. I can picture the Snow Wraiths slinking into the camp, making sure their scent was downwind of any guards, and that their tails didn’t brush against a thing. How they got in, I don’t know, but I woke to screeching and the heavy smell of blood, and without thinking jumped into a whirlwind of teeth, fur, and claws. It happened so fast, you never expect to wake up fighting for your life, but it can happen. I was clawed and bitten, blood roaring in my ears as I blindly threw myself at my attackers, holding nothing back as the world went by in a loud, frighting blur. I probably killed cats, probably came close to being killed myself, but time seemed to stop as the fighting pushed away to the side, revealing a thick black Snow Wraith with evil, glittering blue eyes, his claws on a limp body, blood covering it’s white fur. My brother. Shard. With an unplanned leap, abandoning whoever I was fighting, I screeched, launching myself at this cat with all my fear and fury, claws outstretched and teeth bared, my eyes closed as I got in, warm success filling my whole being as I felt flesh tear and blood spurt under my teeth, then the thump of the body as it hit my paws. I had saved my brother.
I opened my eyes. The battle was still going, but I hardly heard it. My head spun and I felt sick. The world would never be okay again.
Shard lay limp, him neck covered with now-drying blood, his eyes strange, glazed and lifeless, his mouth partly open. His attacker staring at me with cruelly triumphant eyes.

I would've killed him too, but I had no energy. I had killed. Killed my own brother trying to save him. I felt like the worst kind of failure and with a sob I turned and ran. These cats didn’t need me. They would be better off without me. Better off without a murderer. I ran and ran, I ran blindly away, not hearing, barely seeing. I ran until I could no more and collapsed into the cold snow. I wanted to end myself. But I didn’t. I got up. I cleaned my wounds, and went away. I left Iseti. I would have the adventures my brother always longed for. I would wander alone, so no cat could be harmed by my stupid clumsiness. I would never again face my family. I would begin again.

 I would begin anew.