Misc

This page is for all the pastas which we don't have source for.

As someone who actually does Historical Martial Arts it actually tilts the fuck out of me when I try to play chivalry. Its not fun when some guy does a fucking 360 in .2 seconds with like a million sensitivity and kills me. Its just dumb. Which is why im happy that the devs have confirmed that that shit isnt going to be in the game.

### Unfortunate announcement

*Unknown*

Hello everyone, I have an unfortunate announcement to make. This will be a serious post so please don't disrespect but... I have been diagnosed with Carpal tunnel syndrome. I know that my life as a gamer has been great and all but unfortunately because of my recent diagnosis, I have decided to quit the gaming community for good and retire. I know I inspired gamers to rise up against the evil that tried to take us down and I know you all will be upset, but it's for the best of my health. I thank everyone who has subscribed to me and I continue to hope that you will seek more of us so we can continue our world of gaming. Goodbye for now, gamers.

### Archers

*Unknown*

Archers in servers without archer limits were never overpowered in any way in Chivalry, to begin with.

All it takes is a couple of dudes with tower shields to make multiple archers worthless, and the more you outnumber your enemies in melee combat, the more you can do actual objectives and win the game for your team.

There are of course some archers with exceptional skill with things like the heavy crossbow, who can one shot men-at-arms from across the map without any work required, but those are few and far between. I have tons of fun in Chivalry playing men-at-arms with throwing daggers at hitting archers that are trying to kill me as I close a gap, only to finish them off in close quarters combat.

I think that the perception of there needing to be an "archer limit" was always primarily based around people being salty that they died to an archer, rather than due to the archers actually being overpowered in large numbers, or them contributing to victories in some disproportionate way.

Basically, there shouldn't be an archer limit. Instead, there just needs to be a way to counter archers. You have shields, you have throwing weapons, and you have other things to keep them in check.

As long as you have the option to throw things at archers, can use shields, and such in Chivalry balance should be fine. In fact, since archers will be using lighter melee weapons archers will not be able to simply "do it all" either. This means that while being outnumbered by archers might be slightly annoying and might get you killed occasionally, if you manage to close the gap you should have a very good chance of being able to kill them if you have any skill.

Archers don't need a limit in Chivalry, and were never overpowered - they simply make people salty because dying at a distance is always annoying.

### consuming my friend

*Unknown*

This game is absolutely consuming my friend and is having a huge negative impact on his life. He says he want to be "the best mordhau player" and is essentially dedicating all of his free time to this game.

Before mordhau, we literally worked out together every single day, making huge progress. It was the best of times.

Since this game came out he has remained sedentary and has lost immense gains.

It breaks my fucking heart seeing him deteriorate like this. He said he doesn't know why but this game is almost all he cares about.

Remember how when you would be playing Nintendo Wii for longer than like half an hour and a little message would pop up telling you to get outside and do something else? I am asking the developers to please implement something like this.
please send help

### hope for the best

*Unknown*

Just spam a bunch of buttons. Hope the enemy flinches. If they do i hit them, if they don't, it is their turn to spam a bunch of buttons. Footwork is limited. Mouse movement is limited. So spam the buttons and hope for the best.

No i don't like those options. And i don't understand why people like you get so angry whenever anybody talks about how they don't like those options.

### hello fellow knights

*Unknown*

hello fellow knights .. i wanna ask you something ..do all weapons blocks %100 of the damage ? .. i think little weapons like strait sword shouldnt block %100 of the damage .. i mean if i attack someone with my heavy weapon(like poleaxe) , they shouldnt block this big weapon %100 with a estoc or something .. there should be block damage ,weapon to weapon

### I will do anything

*Unknown*

I cannot pay you anything, I do not have that much money, and I cannot trust that you will follow your word… But if you do this for me this once, I will do anything you want me to minus giving you money… If however you are still not satisfied and will not help me, then I will seek help in another place… Do you understand?

### Shields increase lethality

*Unknown*

It's almost as if shields increased the lethality of swords or maces by 184% being you could effectively control your enemies weapon while simultaniously delivering attacks letting your shield arm absorb any blow and not have to maximize armor on one arm while beefing the other up to then break the jaw/mandible of your oponent before caving their F UCKING SKULL IN Xd
And then moving on to the next target like that sack of shit never happened
Not to mention you could also use the shield as a weapon. the best form of attacking with a shield is a nice mix of cloth/leather armor with a few metal plates on the exposed arm and a good breastplate+neck/mouth protection with an additional chain protection of some sort. you didn't really need to worry about mobility cause you'll never get the chacne to run away so you might as well cover your legs with a fucking pillow mattresses thickness of armor/leather or something light yet durable with a few bits of lamellar on it. and then call your self a Man-At-Arms and go fucking murder people in the name of your lord and saviour Gaben. Also mod idea: Make me a shield that has gabens face on it. so he may be my shield and I might be his hammer of justice. xd
Cause the best offense is never having to worry about loosing your head to a violent swing and instead stabbing them in the throat while they chase the edge of your shield in a bit while your ventilate them. That is all. xd

### Realistic game

*Unknown*

You know another game that is very realistic? The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. Remember reading of how real vikings could ride up mountains with their horses and then seeing it portrayed in Skyrim excellently! Also we all know hitting for 5 minutes steel armour with iron weapons you will kill your enemy and Skyrim did that as well!

### Ban Giru

*Unknown*

I've been waiting fucking forever for GIRU to get banned or at least warned for his shit attitude, surprised it hasn't happened yet.

### typical cod player

*Unknown*

Giru acts likea typical cod player in the language he uses. Everyone is an "autist jew fag" according to him. the only difference is giru doesnt jack himself up on energy drinks and snack on Doritos....still can see him playing that all the same

### Control angre

*miyamoto*

Correct. The strongest is not the best fighter, but the one who can control his angre in the situations.

### Think before you act

*Unknown*

youre actually toxic dude...youve been playing this game how long and you're how old? At this stage in your life, letting your emotions take control over your mind and allowing outbursts of frustration to happen like that is a really really bad look. Think before you act!

### terrifying overhead bug

*Unknown*

People are a bitch when it comes to playing video games. Instead of appreciating the games they play, they complain to the developers. "Oh (blank) is overpowered! Nerf it!" "This character is too good! It shouldn't be in games!" Don't complain that you can't handle the fact that you aren't as good as other players. 10 years ago you would never hear about something needing to get balanced or nerfed. If you feel something is really good in a game, how about you use it so you are as good as the rest of the players or find a new way to beat them.
Yeah i enjoyed the Chivarly but the only thing what was terrifying me was overhead bug thing when you need to spin, look up and do the overhead, it just looks retarded and it's op Just like feints, they destroyed the balance of the game being a crutch for noobs and tryhards

### spam with autism

*Youtube comment before alpha*

In the beggining, we see a sword hitting about 3 guys, killind 1 or 2. We know the weapon that everyone will use and spam with it autism Those hands animations ... those ragdoll animations ... those combat animations ... very very bad ... Chivalry + Mount and Blade + shitty animations = Mordhau.

### seems pretty good

*Youtube comment before alpha*

The game itself seems pretty good, but the gameplay seems a little repetitious. It's just hitting people with swords over and over.

### For Honor

*Unknown*

Ubisoft takes us into the new era of swordplay with their new gruesome IP, For Honor. Hope you’re ready for some gorey hack and slash, because we’re expecting this game to become the next staple in competitive sword and board combat.

### Problem with Giru

*Milos*

problem with giru is that we all know hes best, but hes just like that annoying highschool kid whos just like "omg you didnt know that? how stupid can you be everyone knows that hahahaha" just annoying

### The Plague

*The Plague edit of For Honor review*

Until Torn Banner releases their next project on the Unreal 4 Engine, Chivalry 2, The Plague serves as a worthy experience for Mirage: Arcane Warfare lovers to explore. At least, this is what I firmly believe. I’ve put over 15 minutes into Mirage: Arcane Warfare, and I continue to return to the game every so often. Mirage: Arcane Warfare has always been one of Steam’s best-kept secrets. One that has retained a loyal player base long after its initial release in 2017. When I did a little digging into The Plague, I was genuinely surprised at how close it felt to my favorite go-to Steam game.

### jimmy top 5

*Jetstream*

hello streamer :) judging by the gameplay, you are new to mordhau. t'is an awesome thing to see! just a few things: 1) i'm jimmy 2) i'm top 5. i'm not like the average competitive gamer, if anything, i'll be the one at the bottom of the scoreboard :)

### a crutch for noobs and tryhards

*Unknown*

Yeah i enjoyed the Chivarly but the only thing what was terrifying me was overhead bug thing when you need to spin, look up and do the overhead, it just looks retarded and it's op
Just like feints, they destroyed the balance of the game being
a crutch for noobs and tryhards

### fight of dpi

*Unknown*

To be honest, sword combat looks scarily si.ilar to chivalry, which in my opinion isn't good. Not saying that makes either game bad, I love chivalry, but we all can agree that higher level swordplay just is a fight of dpi.

### he just FEINTED

*Unknown*

They are extremely annoying and in chivalry for example they was absolutely unpredictable (and when you played Archer any random guy just came in and "attacked" you once so you blocked... but it wasn't a real attack he just FEINTED and you instantly died).

### It's Tanner from Highschool

*Unknown*

So you're going by "jaxpc" now nerd? Haha whats up douche bag, it's Tanner from Highschool. Remember me? Me and the guys used to give you a hard time in school. Sorry you were just an easy target lol. I can see not much has changed. Remember Sarah the girl you had a crush on? Yeah we're married now. I make over 200k a year and drive a mustang GT. I guess some things never change huh loser? Nice catching up lol. Pathetic..

### It's Tanner from Highschool

*Modified generic pasta*

So you're going by "jaxpc" now nerd? Haha whats up douche bag, it's Tanner from Highschool. Remember me? Me and the guys used to give you a hard time in school. Sorry you were just an easy target lol. I can see not much has changed. Remember Sarah the girl you had a crush on? Yeah we're married now. I make over 200k a year and drive a mustang GT. I guess some things never change huh loser? Nice catching up lol. Pathetic..

### u wouldnt say this shit to him at lan

*Modified generic pasta*

i think its hilarious u guys talk shit about giru. u wouldnt say this shit to him at lan, hes JACKED. not only that but he wears the freshest clothes, eats at the chillest restaurants and hangs out with the hottest chicks. yall are pathetic lol

### bowni\*ger

*Unknown*

Unironically playing a bowni\*ger is LITERALLY the scummiest and most pathetic way to play these types of games, there is nothing worse than having your amazing duel cut short by some "HEHE NOTHIN PERSONNEL KID" bowni\*ger who can't play a regular class to get kills so he has to sit at the back of the map with a bow, holding M1, release, holding M1, release, holding M1, release, like can you IMAGINE the kind of person who purchases and downloads a first person medieval combat game and decides to play as a bowni\*ger? What's the thought process? How is it fun to stand in one place the entire match just holding and releasing M1? and ruining the game for everyone else while they're at it? Bowni\*gers were always one of the most hated parts of Chivalry and they're back in full force in Mordhau, the devs learned nothing about the hatred people harbor for bowni\*gerS and the people who play bowni\*gers learned nothing about playing a proper fucking class. They are the absolute worst part of the game, nobody enjoys playing against them, nobody says "OH WOW I GOT OUTSKILLED SO HARD WHEN THAT BOWNI\*GER SHOT ME IN THE BACK", and no decent fucking person enjoys playing a bowni\*ger. They're always low level shitters because they can't learn how to play the game properly. It's a fucking wheelchair class so shitters can get kills and pretend they're good at the game with their artificially inflated KD/R. It's always bittersweet when you finally track down the bowni\*ger who's sniped you across the map 5 times in a row only to discover he can't parry even 1 of your melee attacks because he's a complete shitter. But instead of trying to learn the game he keeps playing his wheelchair class and some of them even enjoy how much it ruins the game because all bowni\*gers are both retarded and sadistic. I hope all bowni\*gers die of rectal

### This cheater lacks honor

*Unknown*

This cheater lacks honor and today I had a chance to show this "Stouty" guy how a real distinguished knight handles his sword. He brazenly lied yesterday, claiming he's capable of 30-0 scores but in mere seconds after he joined a server I was able to verify his skills and hand him his first defeat and I wasn't even on the opposing team. Imagine what an actual enemy with bad intentions could do to this poser.

### You are a sniveling coward mouseking

*Unknown*

You are a sniveling coward mouseking, everytime I join a duel server you are on, you quickly leave the server. Always some poor excuses too, "My nan fell down the stairs" "Someone's at the door" "my gf is here". Just pure nonsense, how many fricking times does your "nan" fall down the stairs in a week? According to you it has been 6 times now. Get a grip. We can all see you are just lying and too much of a coward to face me in a 1v1 duel. We all know what that result would be. YOU would be completely humiliated.

### horrible gameplay

*Unknown*

I thought the video was nicely put together and had decent music, but the gameplay itself was pretty horrible to watch, in my opinion.

The constant spazzing out made it hard to track what was going on and seemed completely unnecessary. The slo-mo of the reverses and what I would call 'retard plays' were super cringey to watch. I honestly felt as if I was watching a chivalry montage with the constant riposte turn-taking, disgusting foot drags (which will be hopefully removed in the future), and spins.

### Archery

*Unknown*

Archers in servers without archer limits were never overpowered in any way in Chivalry, to begin with.

All it takes is a couple of dudes with tower shields to make multiple archers worthless, and the more you outnumber your enemies in melee combat, the more you can do actual objectives and win the game for your team.

There are of course some archers with exceptional skill with things like the heavy crossbow, who can one shot men-at-arms from across the map without any work required, but those are few and far between. I have tons of fun in Chivalry playing men-at-arms with throwing daggers at hitting archers that are trying to kill me as I close a gap, only to finish them off in close quarters combat.
I think that the perception of there needing to be an "archer limit" was always primarily based around people being salty that they died to an archer, rather than due to the archers actually being overpowered in large numbers, or them contributing to victories in some disproportionate way.

Basically, there shouldn't be an archer limit. Instead, there just needs to be a way to counter archers. You have shields, you have throwing weapons, and you have other things to keep them in check.

As long as you have the option to throw things at archers, can use shields, and such in Chivalry balance should be fine. In fact, since archers will be using lighter melee weapons archers will not be able to simply "do it all" either. This means that while being outnumbered by archers might be slightly annoying and might get you killed occasionally, if you manage to close the gap you should have a very good chance of being able to kill them if you have any skill.

Archers don't need a limit in Chivalry, and were never overpowered - they simply make people salty because dying at a distance is always annoying.

### legit hate drags and accels

*Unknown*

Honestly this is legit why I hate drags and accels and stuff in the game. Its nothing to do with their predictability and stuff, its just that it makes the character models look so dumb. When someone is running round with a zweihander swinging back and forth with drags and accels, all I can think is how that person would lose their balance instantly.

### I worry about people like you

*Unknown*

On a more psychopathic level I worry about people like you. It's one thing to be an uneducated idiot where your crude behaviour and conformity stem from ignorance but you seem to be smarter than this and yet you justify it. That's rather terrifying. I wonder what you get up to in the dark where no one can see.

### Major problem

*Unknown*

As for this game, it's going to have a major problem with all of the "vets" who have already been playing the game for well over a year in alpha. This game is already boring for them and the only thing they have to look forward to is when the game is finally finished they get to beat up on the noobs. This is going to crater the playerbase right from the outset and you'll get the down votes on steam and in a month the active players will be 1000. Then you'll get a Steam sale in 6 months for 50% off and the player count will jump and the vets will enrage the new players and the player count will plummet again. Rinse and repeat for a couple of years till you get the 300 hardcore autists left playing the game 10 hours a day.

### Niche genre

*Unknown*

This is a niche genre. The same thing happened with Chivalry: the no-lifers would do their best to ruin the game for beginners by playing their hardest and using every cheap exploit just to get new players to rage quit. Most "vets" of these games are terrible for building up a player base. I have no doubt a tiny audience is the future of Mordhau for the same reason. A lot of these vets can't just have fun and appreciate a game; this is all they're good at so they must give their all to beat everyone else and get nasty in chat when things don't go their way. These people ruin it for new players. Mordhau will have under 1000 players not long after its release. I have no doubt about it.

### Unrealistic armor

*Unknown*

Da only thing you should be complaining about is the fucking armor! It’s literally just for show and provides no advantages or disadvantages whatsoever that’s probably the biggest problem with this game and no one has even noticed it. Try smacking full plate of metal armor irl and see the reason why I’m so annoyed with this

### 2 things that broke chivalry

*Unknown*

2 things that broke chivalry, (even though i loved it)

1 Whirlwind Attacks.
Some players were able to spin around unrealisticly fast, exploiting their mouse sensitivity, performing 360-720 degree attacks in a quarter second or less. Broken.

2 No weapon inertia.
2 opponents on low health, both with each others weapons about to critically strike the other at nearly the same moment, and only the first striker would survive. Unrealistic.

### dragdancing queens

*Unknown*

I guess all the dragdancing queens and accel-foleys are afraid about their dirty trick lol. As long as they can kill people which weren't chiv players or fled from chiv because of these silly mechanics and tell them "gid gud" they're comfort.

### throw a rapier at their face

*Unknown*

I hover outside of the range people can hit me without morphs and then wait for them to morph into that range. Then I throw a rapier at their face and aggressively attempt to force clashes
If they ever fall back out of that range, I try to catch them with a second thrown rapier

### Rules for being a dragfag

*NewYariMeta*

Rules for being a dragfag: “Drag haters are wrong. If the drag hater in question appears to be making sense of a topic, immediately question whether or not he has a proper chivalry comp experience from an approved clan. If he does not have specific competitive experience on the issue call him pseudo-intellectual or misinformed. If the drag hater does have the proper experience claim they are making an argument from authority and are not valid. In either case we show the them to be wrong without addressing the issue. The idea is to attack the person because our ideas are pretty weak. If they talk fast say it is so that they can manipulate and confuse. If they talk slow say it’s because they’re stupid. Remember these rules do only apply to people we disagree with and always address the person not the issue. Thank you.”

### tyguy is one of the best pleyer

*Unknown*

all pleyers said tyguy u suck hahaha but don't forget tyguy is one of the best pleyer in this game.don't be mad fucking guys in this fucking community of bullshit don't forget it's was lordnav the rekter of mother in this fucking game. gudbye son of bitch of pleyers

### My anger grows by the minute

*Unknown*

My anger grows by the minute. When you violate your kickstarter's timeline, you're not meeting your deadlines. If you had a real job, you would have been fired. But you're kickstarter devs and so you're just going to ruin your career and end up working at EA

They could just tell us how far away the beta is... like, "we've really fucked up the build and it's going to take us months to figure out what we're doing." or "we've just got a few more things to finish up and then a few polish passes. a few weeks." or "we're just perfectionists and never satisfied, it's been ready for weeks, we're just too cowardly to release it."

### Melee Gaming Association

*Unknown*

Sword against shield. Spear against arrow. We are the Melee Gaming Association, the world’s first professional eSports league and news resource exclusively dedicated to melee games, and we’re here to bring you the fiercest competition and the most exclusive content from the world of melee gaming; from sponsored tournaments to developer and player interviews to the most up-to-date news content, MGA is your home for the hottest sword-and-shield action.

### pasta this pasta that

*Unknown*

pasta this pasta that, you think its funny? how about a paste this fist in your fucking face you stupid cunts. stop spamming the chat with needlessly brain dead things.

### I'ma pocket medic for hire

*Cencio recieved this on TF2*

so cenci I ain't gonna lie, I'ma pocket medic for hire, I want nice hats and reskins but know that things don't just come on a silver platter, so I made this whole sugar baby medic thing and look for people with good items equipped to hire me, I charge a low price for a kind of jokester like service, if you want me to f1 something you wanna kick, I'll do it, you want me to say some really fucked up shit in chat or voice chat? I'll do it, excluding slurs but I'm open to it if you give a really good item, community servers, gamemodes anything you want I'm down, I have had 0 luck finding any work from doing this and your the one dude who actually friended me back I believe