Episode 17: "Lez Scares Jessica to Death” (w/ Parker Brennon!)

*For the second week of Listener Request Month, our guest is the very listener who requested we watch LET’S SCARE JESSICA TO DEATH, filmmaker Parker Brennon!   The Queerwolves discuss the biology of mice vs. moles, casting a potential remake, and why on Earth anybody would want to make an old white man immortal.   Plus, in Tea Time we sip on BIRD BOX, THE FAVOURITE, ROMA, and Parker shares some of his favorite short films![1]*

## **Trivia**

Second episode of Listener Request Month. Guest this episode is Parker Brennon (**Producer Brennan:** No relation). Brennan comes out as not agreeing with Mark on *Suspiria* (2018)

Topics brought up during the episode: Candace Cameron-Buré, Mark Paul Gosselar, Hilary Swank, Sarah Chalke, Jenna Von Oy, *Lights Out*, David Sandberg's wife Lotta Losten, *Lights Out* the short, *Shazam!* (2019), *Annabelle: Creation*, Chelsea Stardust's shorts for CryptTV, Sam Wineman's short for CryptTV, *Dawn* a short Mark co-wrote with his partner Josh Miller for Rose McGowan, Filmstruck, Rachel Weisz, Taylor Swift's boyfriend (the blond guy), Shock Waves podcast, Blumhouse Podcast Network, *Great News*, Tina Fey, *The Rural Juror* from *30 Rock*, Nay's dog Kennedy

## **Tea Time**

**Parker:** David Sandberg's short *Attic Panic*, *The Birch* from CryptTV

**Nay:** *Bird Box*

**Michael:** *The* fucking *Favourite*, *Freshman Fail, Dying to Belong*

**Mark:** ekeing out *Suspiria* (2018) for his preferred viewing experience of 2018 was getting to see *Roma* on a gigantic screen in the desert

## **Shady Summaries**

**Nay:** Don't trust anyone, especially men.

**Michael:** The most confused I've ever been while watching a movie and yet I can't wait to watch it again.

**Mark:** *Lez* scare Jessica to death.

**Parker**: A bored lesbian vampire who has dominion over a town of geriatric white men decides to mess around with a group of hippies

## **Pride Float**

**Nay:** Well, would you give it a Pride float?

**Parker:** Ummmmmmm, no? I wanna give it a float in the Indie Horror Parade, but not in a Pride parade, I don't think

**Michael:** I think I would in the Seventies

**Nay:** I would love that parade

**Mark:** A lot of peasant blouses and a chorus of women singing "Stay Forever, My Love, My Love"

**Michael:** And just raw meat all over the float?

**Parker:** Raw meat. I wrote if that I *did* give it a float, it would just be like a pool that's on wheels and Emily's on a treadmill that's submerged in the water, she's wearing her wedding dress. She's just walking in the middle of the water

**Michael:** Oh, that's fun

**Mark:** That's pretty

**Parker:** Yeah. Coming to get Jessica, fuck that blood

**Michael:** Yeah, I just see steaks everywhere on the Pride float to me

**Nay:** I think Jessica and Emily tribbing on top of a platform. That's it.

**Michael:** (chuckling) I love your Pride floats

**Nay:** I'm not gonna get, it doesn't get one. It doesn't get one

**Michael:** It doesn't get one?

**Nay:** No

**Mark:** But that's not a knock against the movie, right?

**Nay:** No, it's not

**Michael:** No, not at all

**Parker:** It's one of my favorite movies, but for Pride? "Lesbian panic movie," is what I read someone describing it as

**Michael:** I can see that a little bit

**Parker:** Yeah

**Nay:** Lots of lesbian panic at Pride, so

**Mark:** Pride can, for many of us, be just a gay panic event

**Parker:** Yes!

**Nay:** Oh absolutely. God! I was thinking that this last year: Am I too old for Pride these days? Have I...

**Michael:** I was jittery as fuck at Pride this last year. Felt very out of place

**Nay:** There's that, the actual Pride parade, which I don't go to. But then every party, I just feel like every person that you do not want to talk to in Los Angeles and maybe the surrounding areas are *at* this damn party, are at this event, at this club. Every ex that you don't want to see, their friends, everyone, *everyone's* rolling through and, "Wow. This is actually the worst and I'm ready to go home immediately."

**Parker:** Oh my God

**Michael:** I feel ya

**Mark:** All right. Well, no Pride float for you, Jessica!

**Parker:** Awww

**Michael:** Do we make it do community service with *Sleepaway Camp*? That's always gonna be my favorite!

**Parker:** Maybe a little community service

**Michael:** *Sleepaway Camp* had to do like twenty hours at the Youth Center

**Nay:** Yeah

**Mark:** *Sleepaway Camp* went to reform school. They were just like, they don't get anything

## **Quotes**

**Michael:** It's been a while

**Nay:** (sighs) It really has

**Michael:** That's the feel of 2019 right there

**Mark:** Yeah. Already

**Nay:** I've just been… you know just when you finally get around some gay people and you're just like, "Oh thank God!"? That's how I feel right now

**Michael:** Oh. Thank you

**Mark:** Happy to oblige with bringing you a little rainbow comfort

**Mark:** It *has* been a minute

**Nay:** It has been a while

**Mark:** Since we trash talked *Interview with the Vampire*. That poor listener, Robert was his name? Robert was like, "This movie meant so much to me," and listen, I'd be a liar if I said that my gay ass wasn't in love with *Interview with the Vampire* in whenever I saw it, in 1994 when I needed it badly. *But. **Woof.***

**Michael:** He texted me today laughing

**Nay:** He did? Oh good

**Michael:** He was like, "LOL Just listened to the show"

**Nay:** I'm so happy

**Michael:** He said it was a very funny episode

**Michael:** Parker, you're a listener

**Parker:** Yes, I've listened to every episode

**Mark:** I'm so sorry. My condolences

**Michael:** (faux anger) Who's your favorite? Tell me now!

**Parker:** Wow

**Nay:** Yeah really though

**Parker:** I have lovely feelings for each of you

**Mark:** Oh that's wonderful

**Nay:** That's fine. But we play favorites

**Mark:** I was like clearly- oh, a politician I see

**Michael:** I texted Nay six times today that I love her

**Nay:** It's true

**Mark:** I didn't get six "I love you" texts

**Nay:** Well, y'all actually hang out IRL

**Mark:** Um, somebody had a headache

**Nay:** I know. I know

**Mark:** And let me tell you, we watched something--

**Michael:** Girl

**Mark:** That oh my God

**Michael:** We kept saying, "If only Nay was here right now."

**Mark:** We were like, "We can't believe Nay wasn't here for this." 'Cause we didn't know if you would have broken the TV or loved it. We were like, "Maybe?" Either way it would have provoked a response

**Mark:** (scoffing) I don't watch short films, I'm so busy

**Parker:** It's three minutes long Mark, you can handle it

**Mark:** I know. I am totally joking. I love- it is incredibly difficult to make *and* write an effective short film. So, it really is an underappreciated art form

**Michael:** *Lights Out* is a film I think we have on our list to do here at some point

**Parker:** Oh cool

**Michael:** Clarke Wolfe is a fan of the show and she's really smart, and if we ever have her on, which we will

**Mark:** For like straight ally month?

**Michael:** Yes. And she has a very good queer take on *Lights Out* that I think would be great to hear

**Nay:** I don't even know what to do right now, because I liked (*Bird Box*)

**Brennan:** No, Nay, I'm so with you. I *loved* it

**Michael:** Stephen King loved it

**Nay:** I loved this movie. I feel like I'm the only Black person I know who liked this movie? So I dunno. But I actually really liked it, almost all two hours of it

**Mark:** I just wanna know what the hell (Sandra Bullock) and Trevante Rhodes were doing for five years. There are no extra babies hiding in the movie. I was just like, "Really? Y'all play Monopoly every night?"

**Nay:** I think it was lots of hangers. I mean, you don't have access to healthcare and she gonna have Boy One? Boy Two, Three, Four? She's like, "Fuck this."

**Mark:** You could blind drive to the CVS to get some rubbers, I guess

**Michael:** They could have. Or maybe one of them had some sort of issue that prevented….

**Brennan:** This is getting grimmer by the minute. Producer Brennan here. Nay, I am *so* with you on *Bird Box*

**Michael:** On the hangers? Yeah

**Brennan:** Oh yeah, I love hangers. My favorite thing. *Bird Box*? It depends where you're coming from, I think. Because I think it's based on one of those elemental things where it's like, "Why has no one else thought of this before?" necessarily, but I'm sure someone has. But as a person, because I have a photosensitivity, so looking at bright lights in low light situations and glare and sunlight. Whatever, everything's bad for me. But the thing is, as a human being with a survival instinct, if there's a flashing light somewhere? I'm gonna look at it and see what's going on. And trying to *not* look at it and avoid getting a headache is a very difficult thing. And so if I tell you right now, "Don't look at that wall over there," kind of all you wanna do is look right the hell at it.

**Parker:** Yeah

**Nay:** Naw

**Parker:** You would survive, Nay

**Nay:** I think so. I really think so

**Mark:** I just started laughing when Dumplin' showed up at the house in (*Bird Box*). I was like, "Ahhhh, shared universe!" I watched it with Josh and he had the best sort of summation of *Bird Box* to me, which was that it was, and no shade, but it was at least in terms of lighting or how they chose to shoot it, but he was like, "It's like the best ABC pilot ever."

**Michael:** Oh my God

**Mark:** Do you know what I mean?

**Michael:** That's so smart. I can see that *just* in the trailer

**Mark:** Which is not, which is like, you know, listen. After a long day's work, we're done. We're *never* above a *really* well-executed--

**Michael:** Like *LOST*

**Mark:** Yeah, exactly. If that's done well, fuck yes! You know what I mean? So like, it never felt quite like a movie, it felt like a sort of gigantic backdoor pilot starring Sandra Bullock yelling at children

**Michael:** Oh, that's really interesting

**Mark:** She's like yelling at children the entire time. She's like, "**Look at me!** **Look at me! Shut up!**"

**Michael**: I need to watch this.

**Nay:** We will not make fun of her

**Michael:** I love her

**Nay:** She's my favorite

**Michael:** I can't wait to fucking see (*The Favourite*) again

**Mark:** (orgasmic groan)

**Michael:** I fucking *love* that movie. It's so great

**Parker:** I brought my mom and it was the weirdest thing

**Michael:** Oh, that's an interesting choice

**Parker:** Yeah, she wasn't ready for some of that

**Michael:** It is *so* good

**Mark:** When I saw it, it was with a packed audience, but we happened to be sitting in front of a guy, who, every time something crazy happened--

**Michael:** (softly) Oh my God

**Mark:** He would literally, he's clearly one of these people that doesn't understand what a movie theater is, and he was like, "Oh my goodness!" "Nooooo!" This is not an exaggeration. He would say it full outdoor voice, full volume. At first I was annoyed and then I was like, you know what, it's just part of the experience. 'Cause the movie is that insane sometimes

**Michael**: I went with two friends and we had three seats and there was an empty seat next to me, and a person sat down like right before the movie. So he was by himself and he was kind of doing that, not as loud, but he was like, talking. There were several times where I would like turn and be like, "Are you talking to me?" Because he was like talking to the movie or to me and I was like, "This guy's having a really good time. I'm not gonna ruin it."

**Mark:** Yeah

**Michael:** It's so fucking funny

**Mark:** It's pretty fab

**Michael:** I love it. Emma Stone's-- I love her. She's so great

**Mark:** We need to...

**Parker:** It was really refreshing, because you know with all the period pieces, I thought it was going to be another like *The Duchess* or *Marie Antoinette* like type of thing, but the humor was just like, I have not seen this

**Michael:** The humor was bawdy British comedy set in that era. And I was obsessed with the navy blue choice that they used in the costumes. I'm so used to that era being like, colorless, and they managed to bring color to it, but also keeping it muted. I was *obsessed* that they wore navy blue for some reason

**Mark:** I want Olivia Colman to yell at me

**Michael:** Oh my God. I will rub her gout in so many ways.

**Mark:** You'll see. You'll see. Nay, Nay just made a face, dear listener

**Mark:** I don't really know what to say about (*Roma*), except that it's the type of movie where it is, this is not a movie-- it's almost a shame that it's a Netflix-produced film. Mainly because most people are going to come to it on a very small screen and they're going to start it at ten o'clock while they're on Tinder.

**Michael:** Right

**Parker:** "Meet"

**Mark:** Yeah. And a lot of them are gonna be like, (Valley Girl) "I don't get it, it's boring," (normal voice) and whatever and I just want--

**Michael:** I love Mark

**Mark:** I want to say from the bottom of my heart: Shut the fuck up. Watch it in the afternoon. Put down your fucking phone and give yourself over to this gorgeous, gorgeous movie. This is a movie, I don't know if it's gonna hit you the way it did for me, but it's the type of movie where I was speechless after it was over. And an hour later I'm eating Thai food with Josh and I burst into tears over like, where we just started talking about it and I just became a wreck and we started laughing 'cause I was like, I have never- I don't remember the last time I had that experience talking about a movie

**Michael:** I love that!

**Mark:** And it's just...

**Michael:** I love listening to Mark talk about movies

**Parker:** Yeah, it's lovely. The passion

**Mark:** It really is a masterpiece. I think it's a masterpiece and not everybody agrees, but I think a lot of people...

**Michael:** I've heard nothing but good things

**Parker:** Same

**Mark:** Okay. I've talked to some people that are like, "I dunno. It didn't really do anything for me." And I'm just like, "You're- I don't understand you."

**Parker:** The redacted trailer, (for *Let's Scare Jessica to Death*) I believe

**Brennan:** Yes. The patience in this room, I notice, gets pretty thin and this trailer's about two-and-a-half minutes long, so I cut it down

**Michael:** The trailer I watched was like three minutes and it was the *longest* three minutes of my life

**Mark:** Now I feel like we *have* to listen to all of it

**Brennan:** No, it's like the pilot trailer for *God Friended Me*, which is like the *entire* show

**Mark:** Have you *seen*? Holy shit

**Brennan:** It is bananas. Sorry, here's the trailer for *Let's Scare Jessica to Death*

**Michael:** Now I wanna watch *God Friended Me*

**Michael:** I love old trailers, or I love old movies where the title alludes to something else

**Mark:** Well, the title is a big misdirect

**Michael:** *Huge* misdirect

**Parker:** The poster too, actually. I mean, it doesn't quite give you what it's selling

**Mark:** Like the skeleton coming out of lava? Yeah. I was like, "Oh, no lava?"

**Parker:** And this woman who clearly isn't Zohra Lampert

**Michael:** I'll get into why the title to me is misleading, but…

**Nay:** Well there were several other titles

**Mark:** Ooh

**Michael:** Oh really?

**Parker:** Tell us

**Michael:** Tell us some

**Nay:** Well, the original- well, you know this movie was supposed to be a comedy right?

**Parker:** No!

**Mark:** Stop it

**Parker:** I'd heard that originally it was people going to a cove and there's something in the water

**Nay:** Yeah. Called *It Drinks Hippie Blood*

**Michael:** I think I saw one was *Hippie Vampire* was an alternate title

**Nay:** Yeah. It took me a long time to realize this was a vampire movie

**Michael:** Same. Yeah, we love doing that here

**Nay:** We do! But also, *Jessica*, with that name

**Michael:** Huh, that fits

**Parker:** Just *Jessica*? That's it?

**Nay:** *Jessica and the Satanists*

**Mark:** *The Satanists*?

**Nay:** Yeah

**Mark:** Huh. None of them are as kicky as--

**Nay:** *Let's Scare Jessica to Death*

**Mark:** Yeah, *Let's Scare Jessica to Death*

**Michael:** It's a catchy title

**Parker:** They picked the right one

**Mark:** I agree

**Michael:** Can you just imagine a movie named *Jessica*?

**Nay:** *Jessica*. That's a whole different movie

**Michael:** "Honey you wanna see *Jessica*?'

**Parker:** What the hell is that?

**Brennan:** Like, we reviewed a movie called *Rebecca*

**Parker:** Oh, well, it happens

**Michael:** (fey voice) That sings to me more

**Mark:** (gleeful) Yeah we did! We sure did!

**Parker:** That was my favorite episode you guys have done

**Michael and Mark:** Heyyy girl

**Parker:** The *Rebecca* episode

**Nay:** *The Real Housewives of Manderley?*

**Mark:** Why, because it was just an extended "Beeeeeep! Beep be-be-beep beep beep beep!"

**Michael:** Because it was G-rated?

**Parker:** Because you Mark, said that Mrs. Danvers takes off her dress and she has the same dress underneath. And that was when I knew, like, this is my favorite episode

**Michael:** Aw, look, Mark's got "I hate compliment" face

**Mark:** Awwww. Well, I do remember that the *Rebecca* episode may have been the last time that I felt that like choking feeling from laughter where I was just like, "It hurts!"

**Nay:** So like, all these white men in town that she has bitten

**Parker:** Yes. Exclusively old white men

**Nay:** Exclusively old white men. That is literally the last people I want to be immortal. You're walking around only biting the old white guys? Are you kidding me?

**Parker:** They're the only people in town. You can't find anyone else

**Nay:** Yeah. Right. Where is everybody?

**Michael:** But in making them immortal, did she make them hers? Like is she their boss?

**Parker:** Yeah!

**Mark:** I mean, they kind of seemed like her foot soldiers

**Mark:** (Valley Girl) Spoilers, you guys!

**Parker:** There will be a lot of spoilers, I think

**Michael:** Sorry if we spoiled a forty-eight year-old movie

**Parker:** I'm guessing a lot of people haven't seen it. Was I… too soon?

**Nay:** Oh, no. No. Not at all.

**Mark:** No, it's just everybody seemed to have like, "Yeah, well, we all agree on that." A weird silence fell, but go on sorry

**Parker:** I was gonna say, I wanted to pick a hidden gem for us to discuss, so I was looking at my Letterboxd list of favorite horror films and I was trying to find one that had some sort of queer element to it, and this was the one that stuck out

**Michael:** Yeah. I actually had never seen the movie

**Parker:** Okay, cool

**Michael:** So it was my first time watching

**Nay:** Same

**Michael:** And it's so interesting. I can't think of any other word to describe the film

**Parker:** Yeah

**Michael:** You had messaged me today at some point saying you had twenty more minutes to watch and I was like, "You need to watch it, it's like where stuff happens actually!"

**Mark:** Right

**Michael:** But at the same time, I loved everything leading up to that for some reason? It's such a weird movie

**Parker:** Yeah

**Michael:** There were times when I was watching it that were like, "Do these people, were these people *in* on the fact that they were making a movie? Or did they not know there was like cameras following them in their life?" Because I felt like stuff was really happening to them, but at the same time I didn't think they were good actors. Does that make sense at all?

**Nay:** You know the worst actor in the movie? That mouse that was supposed to be a mole. I was like--

**Parker:** Ohhh my God yeah

**Mark:** (as Jessica) "Look, it's a mole!"

**Nay:** I was like, "That is a mouse."

**Mark:** "Jessica, are you okay?"

**Michael:** Should we give a quick recap for listeners of what the plot is, 'cause it's like a two sentence rundown of what the plot is? Parker, do you wanna?

**Parker:** I'll try to do one

**Michael:** Jessica is released from a mental institution...

**Parker:** Yeah, that's how it opens. She, her husband and this guy who apparently just lives with them drive into town in a hearse and right away it's just like old white men who are running the town like, "These damn hippies!" So they move into this weird--

**Michael:** I love that none of their lips matched what they're saying

**Parker:** Yes!

**Michael:** Like, *at all*

**Parker:** And that's something I want to talk about later, but I'll keep talking about what the movie's about. So they arrive at this old house and they meet Emily, who's this, everyone's attracted to her

**Michael:** We should say

**Nay:** (scoffs) I fucking *cannot*. *Are you fucking kidding me?* (as Jessica) "Here you are in my house, I'm already can't trust myself, I'm like scare--"

**Michael:** (as Jessica) "Do you wanna stay?"

**Nay:** (as Jessica) "Do I wanna sta-- no, get the fuck out. Weirdo."

**Michael:** So we should probably say too, that Jessica's husband bought an apple orchard-slash-farm

**Nay:** On a Connecticut island

**Parker:** Yes

**Michael:** To help her get well. And basically went bankrupt in the process, so they have no other option but to make it work

**Parker:** Yeah

**Michael:** They find a...

**Nay:** 'Cause if there's anything you need while recovering--

**Michael:** Is running a farm

**Nay:** From a stay in an asylum is pressure to make your fuckin' farm profitable

**Mark:** Yeah, on top of it, it's like, it's now that you've gotten to the farmhouse and there's like, a fucking Manson girl living there

**Michael:** Yes! Oh my God, exactly

**Nay:** A Manson girl

**Mark:** I was like, "And she's a Manson girl..."

**Michael:** And she's playing the guitar

**Nay:** That song

**Mark:** I have to say, the scene in the kitchen to that song, is kind of my favorite moment in the movie

**Parker:** It's beautiful

**Michael:** Yeah, he brings out that giant--

**Mark:** It's a beautiful, legitimately haunting

little tune and there's something very intimate about the scene

**Michael:** It's really cool!

**Mark:** I mean, that's the thing about this movie, is that it's very cheap

**Parker:** Yes

**Michael:** Yes

**Mark:** You can tell it was made--

**Nay:** In twenty-five days

**Mark:** For fifty bucks

**Michael:** Twenty-five? That's a lot

**Parker:** (haughtily) It was made for one hundred and eighty thousand dollars

**Michael:** That's a *lot*

**Mark:** In 1971

**Parker:** In 1971, right

**Mark:** And I was looking at it going, "Did Paramount pick this up or was Paramount...?"

**Michael:** They had to have, right?

**Mark:** I dunno. I have no idea. Either way, there's- and yet the movie has something. It's somehow more than the sum of its parts. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I think that Zohra Lampert, who never really had, as far as I know, didn't have as great a showcase as this ever again. I mean, am I crazy or is she kind of wonderful?

**Parker:** I think so too

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** There was a weird- She and the movie have this weird quality that you're like, "What the fuck is this?" But it kind of lulls you into like, "I like what you're giving me."

**Michael:** Fun fact about that song, by the way, is they had every intention to replace that actress's voice with a professional singer--

**Parker:** Yes. But she was so good

**Michael:** But when they played it back, I think they saw some of what you were talking about.

**Mark:** Yeah. It's so intimate

**Michael:** Because I bet it was just written as being a song that they sing. But to me it was part of the spookiness

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** And I think I texted you guys yesterday being like, "Jessica's spooky."

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** It was at that moment, because I was like, "There's something weird and hypnotic going on here."

**Mark:** Mmm-hmm

**Nay:** Yeah. When Manson girls start singing "Stay Forever"? Excuse me?

**Mark:** Yeah

**Michael:** I agree. Zohra, is that her name?

**Mark:** Zohra Lampert, yes

**Michael:** There is something where I kept thinking to myself, I'm like, "This Zora is smiling like a goofy idiot this entire time.''

**Parker:** Yeah

**Michael:** And then you're like, "Is she just brilliant?" You know what I mean? 'Cause she has no idea what she's doing and then you're like, "She's brilliant."

**Nay:** Yeah

**Parker:** She has a really distinct voice, too, so Mark if you can imitate it, I wanna hear it. I know you're so good at doing those voices

**Mark:** I can't. I definitely can't do that

**Parker:** Especially when she screams, there's like this weird...

**Mark:** It does, she does have an odd timbre to it, right? She was also famous for being the Goya Lady in commercials

**Michael:** Oh, no kidding

**Nay:** Respect

**Mark:** Yeah, I think her...

**Nay:** Respect

**Mark:** Yes. Attention must be paid

**Nay:** Okay?

**Mark:** And her tagline always was, "Goya. Oh boya!" Or something like that.

**Mark:** What I love about Zohra Lampert in this movie is that so often when you see actors having to play vulnerability or fragility, you can see them putting it on, because they are not willing or unable to actually go, and Zohra Lampert does not have to sell it. Somehow she just captures it and I think it's sort of the secret sauce of what makes this movie work versus not work, because the other actors are fine.

**Michael:** Yeah. They're not horrible. They're serviceable.

**Mark:** They're fine, yeah. Except Woody. I'm kind of partial to Woody, 'cause he kind of...

**Nay:** You got a woody for Woody?

**Mark:** Well, you know

**Parker:** I was waiting for that, Nay!

**Mark:** I think it's maybe because he's sort of with that hair and the 'stache. I was just like, "Did they cast you- they saw you in *Godspell* or something?' He seemed sort of like...

**Michael:** You *love* the daddies

**Mark:** Anyway! And also, I *screamed* when he was in the orchard working 'cause they were spraying I guess DDT or something and I was like, "Holy shit, that's so much cancer they're spraying all over these apples. Oh my God."

**Michael:** And Jessica at one point  just takes off...

**Mark:** Runs through it. Like it's a sprinkler!

**Michael:** Like takes an entire load of it to the face

**Parker:** I had to tell myself at that part, I was like, "Please just let me imagine that they replaced it with water."

**Mark:** Yeah, exactly

**Parker:** Just for that scene

**Michael:** Yeah

**Mark:** I did the same thing, like, "That's water, right? Yeah that's totally water. Of course it's water."

**Parker:** That better be water

**Michael:** (to Mark) Yesterday you had texted Nay and I saying that if you ever remade this movie, you want Kristen Wiig to play Jessica

**Mark:** *All* I could think about

**Michael:** All I could think about then during the entire movie is that Zohra's performance reminds me of Kristen Wiig in *Bridesmaids* when she's drunk in the plane

**Mark:** Hmmmm

**Michael:** Like her movements the whole time, the way she moved her hands and her legs and would put her hands in her skirt pockets

**Mark:** Right

**Michael:** I was like, "She is Kristen Wiig!"

**Mark:** (as Kristen Wiig) "I am ready to *partyyyy*!"

**Parker:** I was talking to Elric Kane last night and he said something about Jocelin Donahue being in a remake of this? Or maybe he was saying that would be ideal casting. I can't remember. I think she'd be perfect. I like *The House of the Devil* a lot

**Mark:** She's great in that

**Nay:** Ugh, me too! Oh my God. I would like to see Nicole Richie as Jessica

**Michael:** Oh. My. God. I *love* that idea more than anything

**Parker:** Nicole Richie….

**Mark:** (to Michael) You said, "Jenna Maroney" and now I want Jenna Maroney to do this movie.

**Michael:** Oh my God

**Mark:** But it would be called like, *Death Scares Jessica to Death* or something

**Nay:** (to Parker) How old were you when you first watched this movie?

**Parker:** I was trying to remember. I saw it on Turner Classic Movies maybe like ten years ago?

**Nay:** Nice

**Parker:** It's been a while. And I bought it on DVD right away, 'cause it has such a distinct story world. I think the sound design and the music, and sometimes the *absence* of sound where there should be sound, it like adds to it

**Michael:** Yeah, there are several times where she spoke and you don't hear it

**Parker:** And there's nothing, yeah. And it was so otherworldly, I actually liked it

**Michael:** It is very otherworldly in a sense. It reminded me of two things, and one of them I'm gonna steal from somebody who was- I read an article about it yesterday. One, it reminded me of the way they shot the re-enactments on *Unsolved Mysteries*. Which are like, hazy and like, you know what I mean?

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** That show is spooky

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** And it's because of the way they shot it: on the cheap yet at the same time...

**Nay:** So much fog

**Michael:** Yes!

**Mark:** So much fog

**Parker:** So much fog

**Michael:** The other thing it reminded me of, and I forget what writer wrote this, but that it was like a seventies douche commercial. Like it had the look of a seventies douche commercial, and it does! It has the music that kind of goes along weirdly with like, I dunno

**Nay:** Yeah. Any commercial about a vagina has like a certain music and vibe

**Mark:** Mandolin music, yeah

**Nay:** (commercial announcer) Massengill

**Michael:** And filter! And a weird filter going across a field

**Nay:** Yes. Wildflowers

**Mark:** Yes. It's true

**Nay:** I just wonder if I had watched this when I was young, if I would've finished it. Would I have even thought it was scary, because I feel like what was scary to me now is that I'm crazy enough to get it. I'm like, you know? I have doubted myself because of my mental illness, or I have downplayed my gut instinct because I think I'm being anxious. And to imagine Jessica like not- well, so often when she's afraid, she's like, "I'm just gonna act like I didn't see that because I just got out and they're gonna be like, 'Damn. This bitch is crazy.'" And I just… yeah

**Michael:** And like the outward, other people telling you what you're experiencing is not real or wrong

**Nay:** Yeah. Exactly

**Parker:** I have kind of a weird theory about Jessica, and I'm not sure- I wanna know if you guys picked up on it at all or if it's just me

**Michael:** Bring it on

**Parker:** So, she seemed to have this extra-sensory thing going on, like she's very in touch with the dead and she can communicate telepathically with Emily. And I just wonder how- well, everyone's like, "She's crazy and she got out of this mental asylum," but *how* crazy is she? Because it seems like all the supernatural stuff in the world of this movie is real, and maybe she can kind of sense it, she has some kind of psychic thing, maybe

**Michael:** I think that's interesting 'cause *I* took it as, because we didn't *see* anything that happened to her before the time of the movie, that everything that happened to her was real

**Parker:** Mmm-hmm

**Michael:** They convinced her it wasn't. And then the movie is proving everything that happened to her before actually did happen

**Parker:** Yeah, yeah

**Michael:** *I* took it that way personally, like that she wasn't quote-unquote crazy, everyone else is fucking wrong

**Parker:** And the only hint that she gave of something that happened before she was in this mental hospital was she says that she saw her dad, and he whispered something to her. And so I thought maybe she's able to see spirits or something?

**Michael:** Yeah. I felt like they would have shown us the pre-house stuff had we been led to believe that's how- you know what I mean? Had we *seen* the quote-unquote crazy before moving into the house it would have given us this, "Okay, is this stuff happening to her *real*?" But since we didn't see any of that, *I* took it as *she* does have some sort of perception and everyone else in her life is gaslighting her

**Nay:** Yeah

**Parker:** Yeah, they don't understand it

**Nay:** Yeah. Absolutely

**Michael:** They shit on what they don't understand

**Nay:** I really did want to know, what had landed her in the asylum

**Michael:** Yeah

**Parker:** Yeah

**Nay:** Because there wasn't any point in the movie where I thought she was delusional or imagining--

**Michael:** Or a danger

**Parker:** Yeah

**Nay:** Anything that was happening

**Michael:** Yeah. Or a danger to anybody, including herself

**Nay:** Yeah

**Parker:** She has a really frustrating relationship with her husband, too, and the...

**Nay:** He ain't shit

**Mark:** That guy's eyebrows had eyebrows

**Parker:** Oh my God

**Mark:** I mean, I like swarthy, but holy shit

**Parker:** What do you think of that absence of hair?

**Mark:** Oh my God.

**Parker:** You wanna rub your hands down it?

**Mark:** Listen

**Michael:** When he kissed Emily, I was like, "Are you gonna try to suck out her esophagus? Like, *dude*. *Calm down*."

**Parker:** Emily was ready to get him off. She was yeah. She had her knife at the ready

**Michael:** She knew what she was doing

**Parker:** Or her teeth, I guess

**Nay:** Jessica is super perceptive. At the dinner table, she knew *immediately* when her man liked Emily. She was like, "Oh. My man liked Emily."

**Parker:** (whispering) "He likes her"

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** Yeah

**Nay:** God, I hate that feeling

**Mark:** And yet she wants Emily to stay

**Nay:** 'Cause she kind of like her, too

**Mark:** (sotto voce) Well, exactly

**Michael:** Lesbian (unintelligible)

**Michael**: Yeah, I mean I dunno, maybe there is a way to look at it too, where Jessica *is* like Emily, and just is learning her power and strength and what she is

**Parker:** Maybe

**Mark:** I took it- because Jessica is constantly repressing her point of view in terms of not wanting to reveal what it is she's experiencing or say for fear of the men around her thinking that she's, you know, losing her marbles again. At the same time, she *is* both attracted to and repelled by Emily because on some level, you know, Emily, despite being a hundred year-old vampire, at least has agency

**Parker:** Right

**Michael:** Yeah

**Mark:** She's like, "I'm gonna turn all these gross old, you know, like Republican weirdos into my army of..."

**Nay:** Minions

**Mark:** "Blood banks. And you know, this is my island and Old Saybrook, Connecticut is my domain."

**Michael:** There's a way to look at Jessica, their ages, too. Emily kind of represents the sexual revolution and the future and Jessica, in a way, can represent the pre-sixties subservient attitude too, y'know

**Mark:** True

**Michael:** And I think Jessica's at a real crossroads in her life. Oooh, and this is interesting: Maybe she wanted out of that and they're like, "No, you're crazy. We need to put you in the asylum."

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** 'Cause maybe she started pushing back on that

**Mark:** Who knows. (singsongy) *Prequel*!

**Michael:** *I Sort of Didn't Scare Jessica to Death*? I dunno what the prequel name would be

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Episode 16: "A Pity Party is My Favorite Party"

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Episode 18: "Jason Shaves Manhattan” (w/ Derek Dennis Herbert!)