S1E01 - Blunt Force Trauma

> "*What's every boyouuuwww!*"
> ― Zach
>
>

## Episode Synopsis

Episode 1 of the first season of the Pretending to be People podcast.

We're introduced to Zach, Joe, Luke, and Thomas and their backgrounds in roleplaying. We're informed they are recording in the nude and covered in molasses.

At the CPD headquarters, Drew takes a call about the dogs in the old neighborhood howling nonstop. The officers tell Drew to send Ray.

As the day is coming to a close, the chief receives gifts from the police and staff, including a box of chocolates from Clark Bishop, a half-finished bottle of bourbon from John Lee Pettimore, a cupcake from Drew, and a mysterious box with a bow which Keith Vigna pretends to have gotten her. Upon opening the box, Maggie Cook seems shocked, and retreats to her office with it. The officers wonder what Vigna got her that upset her so much. The officers puzzle over what could have caused the issue.

Chief Cook emerges, clearly in emotional distress, and leaves the station without a word. The officers investigate her office, and in the box find a single white rose, a hardhat, and a black bowtie. The contents mean nothing to the officers.

Another call comes in to the station, and Drew takes a report of a body at Piston Junkyard from an unknown woman, who says her name is Julie before hanging up. Drew hears something in the background. The officers head out to the junkyard but John Lee Pettimore breaks off to pursue a speeder, who crashes into a pole. Upon leaving his car, Pettimore finds a woman screaming and moaning, badly injured, and summons an ambulance. He is unable to assist her medically.

At Piston Junkyard, Keith Vigna and Clark Bishop find the body, and summon Leo Piston to let them into the yard. He leaves them with a key. He informs the officers that he hasn't been by the yard in two weeks, and that his brother, brother's wife, and he are the only ones with access. Officer Vigna attempts to interrogate the body. It appears to have been thrown or dropped, no other clues point to how it got into the yard. Clark Bishop finds a piece of white parchment in the corpse's pocket. It reads: "We is striking when the land gets darkness. Readying torches. Hesitate not." Clark takes samples of hair and fingerprints.

After the woman is taken away by paramedics, John Lee Pettimore searches her crashed vehicle and finds the Camera and an odd picture, presumably from the camera. The trunk contains empty gas cans, a lighter, and a bottle of brandy.

The officers regroup at the station. They attempt to put together the various seemingly disparate events of the evening. They discover Julie Maxwell has died in the hospital. The officers head to their homes. Officer Vigna reveals he has a dog, a golden retriever named Beans, who seems to phase out of existence after this episode. Officer Pettimore goes to Clinkers for some beverages. Harry Clinker is tending bar.

The next morning Drew reports three different calls, an oil spill called in by Jimmy Sanders, City Councilwoman Carrie Page's lost dog, and a house with the door open and mail piling up is called in by Mildred Mitchell. Vigna heads out to check the possibly abandoned house. Drew's voice is noted. The Maxwell autopsy reveals that she had a fresh brand on her back spelling out "THIS IS A FOOL". Officer Pettimore investigates the "oil spill". Clark Bishop, as senior officer, leaves to check on the councilwoman's dog.

Carrie Pages owns a restaurant. Her cousin, Steven Pages, owns the bookstore Pages.

## Show Notes

```
Pants are worn. Birthdays are forgotten. Faces are smashed.
Support the show on Patreon.
Follow along on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.
Find other listeners on Discord and Reddit.
Soundtrack by Justin.
Wolf played No Backbone by Kudzu.
Published by arrangement with the Delta Green Partnership. The intellectual property known as Delta Green is a trademark and copyright owned by the Delta Green Partnership, who has licensed its use here. The contents of this document are ©Pretending Productions, excepting those elements that are components of the Delta Green intellectual property.

```

## Episode Cast

In alphabetical order:

* Joe as Clark Bishop
* Justin as Wolf the Dog
* Luke as Keith Vigna
* Thomas as John Lee Pettimore
* Zach as The Handler

## Episode Transcript

 Zach
 Luke
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