Happy Camper (Carpe B.U.M.)

***"Happy Camper (Carpe B.U.M.)"*** is the fifth song from the Strapping Young Lad album *Heavy as a Really Heavy Thing*, released in 1995.

Its subtitle presumably refers to the saying "carpe diem" ("seize the day").

## Appearances

* *Heavy as a Really Heavy Thing* (original studio recording, remastered original studio recording)

## Lyrics

```
    You pretentious fucking losers
    You've got nothing at all
    You've got your fingers in your asshole
    And your hand on the call
    And you talk such fucking horseshit
    That it's hard to believe
    That you almost make careers out of being naive

    You, you are a fucker coz you sold my guitar
    You, you are a fucker, seeking fortune in bars
    You, you are a fucker, coz you say such stupid shit
    I've got a better line in pocket lint
    Than what you've done with it

    So if you are an asshole who pretends to be a friend
    Then get your ass in music, you'll be set to the end, ending,
    And now you've got the nerve to ask me about my temper?
    Why yes, I have become a fucking happy camper!

    I hate your fucking faces and your trendy cut hair,
    I hate the fact you think your job will go anywhere
    Because it's use is just the same as what I shit into the bowl
    Just like the mess between your ears is like the mess in my hole

    I hate your loser friends who only come out when it's right
    I hate that when it's down you run instead of fight
    I'm set to think you lot in life to test the stronger ones
    Will just require some chicken shit and also sneakers for the run.

    I dig it away, the shit you puked instead of swallowed,
    In an attempt to try and find the dick instead of the load,
    So when you move and stand aside my mood will hamper,
    And yes, I will become a fucking happy camper!

    Stuck in endless winter with your press to keep you sane
    Wait for useless numbers to grow useful once again
    Where the heat will come again, your flaw grows sick,
    Your flaw will send, the shit you call your business
    To the place that is your end

    Stuck in the winter, cold and wet,
    Your stupid friends have come and went
    And you've left behind your idiot job,
    And it's far from a prize, you fucking dink

    ...your'e a fucking dink... yeah!
    ...how's this for punk? dink!!!

    ...suck my cock, you pathetic excuse for a human being...
    You're a neurotic, homophobic, racist dork... you've also got a lot
    Of balls to dick with someone else's life, you fucking pseudo ghetto
    "boy in the hood" middle class white spoiled rotten bored "gangsta"
    Wannabe hunk of regenerated red neck bullshit! thank christ you don't
    Have to rely on that staggering intellect or dynamic personality to
    Intimidate others, shit for brains. shut the fuck up, and get out of
    Your parents' house and get a real job, you putz, and for god's sake,
    Quit being such a fucking sheep!!! now grow the hell up!!!... dink.

    I let it get me down because you're in it for the glory
    And I'd rather leave with reason than go dying for a story
    And this whole L.A. rock thing

    That the malls are buying up
    It doesn't work, it doesn't work,
    It's so inbred I might throw up...

    And now I'm put into the middle
    With the contracts and the bunk, and I always end up
    Hearing "hey, man, punk... let's have more punk!"
    So here I am to do a favour, save some hassle kiss and tell,
    That either way my music's shit and it ain't ever going to sell

    So if you've got the gall to take this shit blown up your ass
    And you've got the cash and balls to pump the same crap out in mass
    Then hell, I'll stand aside and with your plans I'll never tamper
    I'll sit and write you songs and be a fucking happy camper.

    Yeah, send me out a contract and in clauses you will lurk
    The smaller points so I can give it all and save you work
    You say an album's not an album without issues left to hamper...
    Well then, fuck,
    ...I guess I am a fucking
    ...happy
    ...fucking
    ...camper.

```

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    (What a miserable guy!)

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