The Beautiful Place - Chapter One

> "*Hold onto your husbands girls, cause the love train is on its way.*"
> ― Fraya Love (in old Draglish)
>
>

**Glamazon Country** is the thirty-seventh episode of Queens of Adventure. In it, the queens depart from the HOG side of the island on a trip to visit Glamala.

## Synopsis

Thunder rolls over a Fire Island morning as the storm grows closer. Twelve days remain until the arrival of the Kracken. A lone seaspawn charges up the beach before Sir Throbardon and Sir Jim-Jim defeat it. Others erect barriers and dig trenches around the Golden Palace.

Inside, Butylene, Arson, and Fraya wake up rested after yesterday's summit. Karin is cleaning a saddle, and points out mail for the queens as Patrick and Gnomi research.

Butylene opens the letter from Belfry. She explains the Glamazons will allow the queens to enter their city for three days of training in the beautificent arts including glider use and combat. They will be the first outsiders to visit the city in living memory. She asks them to report to her office first thing in the morning. Arson wonders how they will pay for the training, as they discover an updated invoice from Belfry and their place in the Golden Palace Loyalty Program. They owe 246 gold, including the show, equipment, and 'devil management', but realize they are close to getting to the highest level of the program. They daydream about the amenities in a private penthouse apartment that level promises.

Opening the gift basket, they find a shadow cloak which can help protect Arson from the sun. Fraya rummages through and finds a decanter of bountiful water, which can create 100 gallons of water a day. Butylene finds a little beaded cigarette holder with devil imagery, and finds inside are some recipe cards for firebolt, burning hands, fireball and Aganazzar's scorcher. Reaching in she realizes it deeper than she thought: a purse of holding.

Before they leave, Gnomi says they will keep researching the Kracken Priest's Heart, as they think it was what channeled the Kracken's message. Karin heads to the stables as the group takes the elevator to Belfry's office. In her office they find Chaz and a dark haired girl. Cher Noble is seated nearby and knitting a chain mail sweater. The girl introduces herself as Jo, Belfry and Ramshackle's child. They head into the office where Belfry and Ramshackle are watching the installation of a Hole of Glory in an obelisk by a Glamazon. Belfry is still injured in her arm, where Carol the devil slashed her.

She congratulates them on their work, and explains they will be representatives of the HOGs in Glamalala during their training. Belfry asks if they have questions. Arson wonders how to get there and what to look for when they get there. Belfry explains none of them know what to expect other than it is a beautiful and sophisticated city (the Glamazon nods), and says their level in the loyalty program gives them access to the Flail Snails. She also suggests they get a blessing in the chapel and check on their devil who was loading items into the Three Fingers Inn that morning. Belfry will monitor the palace while they are gone.

Before they leave the office, Arson checks around the room to see what objects are around: cases with cutlasses, skulls, a model ship, and on the walls portraits of pirates and maps of unrecognized lands. She casts *prestidigitation* to create the illusion of bees as she casts *inspiring leadership* over the party. Belfry is unphased, and the Glamazon looks at them and shakes his head. Fraya pays off the group's debt from her Kracken Priest lair loot before they leave. Cher Noble looks up as some bees fly past. Jo whispers to Chaz, wondering if Arson was the one who met Trixie LaBouche. Arson tosses her hair as she passes.

Down in the casino, tourists look around nervous. The group heads to the shrine to Rhianna where Sister Baccarat is in full showgirl glamour. Realizing Fraya's overpaid their bill, they spin the wheel, gaining five temporary HP that will stack on the one's from Arson's leadserhip. They ask the sister how she is. She admits she's been better, but glad to be with friends and Carmella if she has to be at the end of the world. Butylene asks if they can pick up anything for her, and she mentions rejuvenating mud Carmella always talks about. As they leave, she wishes for luck to be with them.

Heading out to the beach, people set up barricades with the help of some Glamazons. After a short walk, they see Liir outside the Three Fingers Inn. Some imps bring in equipment and others haul out waterlogged items. He is wary of the devil inside. Barb's voice booms from inside, and pops his head out. Peek-a-boo the imp has gone missing, so Barb asks them what he should do while they are gone. Butylene decides on having him create an imp familiar for her by the time they get back in three days. She wants it to be a firey fizzgig.

Next, they head to the stables, a barn that has taken some damage and are a little scorched. Karin is inside, talking to one of the half-dozen flail snails. The Nightmare is feeding on matches in a stall. She introduces them to Camaro and Guber the snails. They improvise a sidecar net for Arson to hang off of one of the shells for herself. Butylene locates a fireproof saddle, but the Nightmare is resistant to wearing it, kicking it away where it bursts into flame, so she mounts it, risking being burned if the mount gets spooked, as Fraya hops onto a snail with Arson in the sidecar.

People on the beach look surprised by the sight as the group heads up the Radiant Ridge, passing the overlook where the Woo Ghosts are still partying with a few tourists. Butylene throws a *thaumaturgy* rainbow over them. Fraya runs some snail slime into her wig line.

The path is overgrown with foliage. Fraya calls out to singing Glama birds flying overhead. They find crumbling statues of what were once Glamazon warriors.

After a few hours of travel, the jungle thins at the crest of the ridge, between the legs of a white statue. It is of a glamazon warrior, fifty feet tall, holding a hand out as if to halt them. The group investigates, and finds she has ruby soles to her sandals. The eastern side of the ridge beyond the ridgeline is better maintained and covered in flowers. There are terraced fields, towers, and a network of aqueducts leading to a ringed wall with statues embedded all around. The gleaming city stands inside the ring.

They drink in the view and press on. Off to the right they see a glama bird perched on the statue of a glamazon Goliath in a feathered singlet. It is a shrine, and every so often they encounter other similar shrines surrounded by candles, fruits, and other offerings. Fraya doesn't recognize any of them. Arson's *eyes of the runekeeper* allows her to read the base in old draglish: 'In memory of our beloved Mama'. Another shrine has a figure in bee costume labeled 'A Tribute to House Bumblicious'.

White cylindrical buildings with gold topped towers dot the landscape. A round one story building with square windows lies right along the road. A man outside is gathering pink berries and appraises them, while another person watches from the window. He calls out to the HOGs and asks them how they are liking Glamazon Country.

The man, Hal, recognizes them as Booty and the Hofish and offers them a snack. He claps and two children dressed in white come out bearing a nicely plated berry compote, staring wide eyed. One of the kids asked if they are monsters, and Arson plays along with a fake scary face. Hal tells them they will need to perform better in Glamalala. The man in the window pulls a better stare at them as they leave.

A few more hours later and they approach Glamalala itself. The fifty foot tall wall is covered in statues of tall glamazons, all holding hands. Their eyes are cast down, water flowing out of them down to the moat around the wall. At least one of the statues is an Aasimar.

They cross a bridge leading to giant doors. Fraya dismounts and knocks on the door. Slowly the door parts as Fraya shouts out a greeting in old draglish. The city inside is gleaming white marble, and lush terraced gardens and towers, networks of bridges and aqueducts. Everyone is wearing glamorous outfits, many with impressive detailed masks. Standing before them is a small group: Rigo, near him are Glamazons in white, and another is in a colorful jumpsuit with metallic stripes down the sides, and a lizardfolk barbarian.

She says: "Hey y'all, welcome to Glamalala. You guys look great."

### Characters

#### Party

* Arson Nicki - drider warlock
* Butylene O'Kipple - tiefling alchemist
* Fraya Love - water genasi cleric

and Introducing

* Irene Dubois - lizardfolk barbarian

#### NPCs

* Sir Throbardon
* Sir Jim-Jim
* Karin
* Patrick
* Gnomi Malone
* Elevator Gnome (debut)
* Chaz
* Jo Ramshackle
* Cher Noble
* Ramshackle
* Belfry Ramshackle
* Glamazon Workers
* Sister Baccarat
* Liir
* Barb and Imps
* Sweet Dream the Nightmare
* Hal, his husband, and two kids (debut)
* Rigo
* Remoulade (debut)

## Episode Notes

### Lore

* The Path leading to Glamalala is lined with shrines to figures from the Age of Queens.

### Memorable Quotes

* "I did a small stint as an Imp Pimp, but that was in the 90's" - Butylene O'Kipple
* "I'm going to do a song about fire, but I'm gonna be edgy and I'm going to eat matches. It's a commentary on the human condition, you wouldn't understand" - Arson Nicki
* "We're coming girl! Be ready! Ya'all better have some barbeque!" - Fraya Love
* "Can I do acrobats?" - Fraya Love

### References

* Snoopy Snow Cone Machine
* Uber
* Oprah "Bees!" meme
* Everlasting Gobstoppers
* Hunger Games - May the Odds Ever be in your Favor
* Chad Michaels
* Fizzgig - Dark Crystal
* Jeopardy
* Princes Diaries
* Ronald Reagan's "Tear Down This Wall" speech
* The Masked Singer
* Mayhem Miller
* Weeping Angels

## Behind the Queens

* This episode references 'Mama' on a shrine. This name is shared with the name of the head of House Aubergine in the first San Francisco live show. Whether this is the same Mama is not yet known, although another shrine nearby Mama's is a Goliath in a feathered singlet, which is a description of House Aubergine member Pollo del Mar.

**Greetings From Fire Island**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - **The Show Must Go On**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Operation Watersport**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6 - Ch7 - **Trials**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Ghosts of the Coast**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - **The Devil's Due**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Special**: The Story So Far
**The Beautiful Place**: **Ch1** - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6 - **A Dance in the Dark**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Drama in the Deep**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6 - **Whispers From the Heart**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6
**Danger Rangers!**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6
**Mist Connections**: Ch1 - Ch2
**Unreleased**
Lost: Camp Crystal Light - Pax West 2018 --  vs the Lizard People
Live Shows: Seattle Style -- Minneapolis Style