Batman Drives Uber

Batman is BACK! And this time, he fell upon hard times and is now an Uber driver with his Batmobile. ..Or is he just posing as one? Decide for yourself now! Da na na na na na na na BATMAN!

## Transcript

Jason: Ugh, should have worn more cover-up.

Jason: Good evening, sir.
Jeremy: Um, are you...?
Jason: Mint?
Jeremy: Batman?
Jason: What? No, no. You must have mistaken me for someone else. I guess I just have one of those faces.
Jeremy: Oh my goodness, it is you! The Dark Knight!
Jason: Okay, okay, but just be cool about it, okay, man?

Jeremy: Alright. So, why are you driving Uber?
Jason: Because when your income is A and your expenses are B...
Jeremy: Aren't you a billionaire?
Jason: Yes, a billionaire with a debilitating shopping addiction.
Jeremy: Well, I'm sure it's not that bad.
Jason: I bought the moon, just so that I could rename it "Bat Moon".
Jeremy: Ouch. Well, people make bad investments. I mean, as a venture capitalist, I hear bad ideas all the time.
Jason: Wait, you want to hear a great idea?
Jeremy: Actually, you know what, I don't.

Jason: First idea, baseball. Instead of using a wooden bat to hit the ball, you use a live bat. It would make the game way more exciting. You could call it "Batball". No, "Basebat". No! "Batbat".
Jeremy: Yeah, I think PETA will have a problem with that.

Jason: Second idea! Batting cage filled with actual...
Jeremy: Bats?
Jason: Butterflies! What? No, I was thinking, you know, it would be kind of relaxing and fun with the butterflies. I didn't even think about bats. That makes way more sense.

Jeremy: You know, if you're just looking for a second job, the fast food industry is always...
Jason: Yeah, I already tried Chipotle. Serving people that food violated my one rule.
Jeremy: Okay, I think it would be a lot better for business if you drove the Batmobile around instead of this old minivan.
Jason: Yeah, well, Robin doesn't like it when I pick him up from practice in a military-grade tank. Plus, I'm tired of all the judgmental stares from the other soccer moms and their eco-friendly Priuses. If they really wanted to save the planet, they'd fight crime.

Jeremy: Okay, well, let's just focus on your resume then.
Jason: Wait, there's a man jaywalking. He must be brought to justice.
Jeremy: Okay, I don't think that merits a beat-down.
Jason: Well, excuse me for fighting crime so effectively that the only criminals left... Ah!
Jeremy: You just hit that guy!
Jason: You do the crime, you pay the time.
Jeremy: What? You won't kill a psychopathic murderous clown, but sure, jaywalkers are fair game?
Jason: Well, it doesn't count if it was an accident. Plus, I think I see some movement. I just need to make a quick phone call.
Jeremy: It better be an ambulance.
Jason: Alfred. Yeah. I need you to pick someone up and nurse them back to health. I don't know! Just put him next to the other guy! Yeah. Okay, thanks. Bye. Wait, no! Can you make me a cheese sandwich? Alfred, no, ah, dang it. He hung up. So, uh, what would it take for you to uh, forget all of this and still give me a five-star rating?
Jeremy: The moon.
Jason: I'll Venmo it to you.
Jeremy: Thank you.

Jason: Goodbye, Bat Moon. Goodbye. Bat Moon!