The Fuzzi Movie Has No Fuzz At All

## Seriously, where's all the fuzz? More like the wrong fuss.

Oh, fuzzies. These Colored Brothers that aren't really as popular as their Skittles-colored counterparts, but somehow landed among the most iconic emoji-like creatures on Marcanese social media. BuzzFeed describes them as "semi-competent emoticons of Marcanese digital media that are as numerous as the many young children and teens who appreciate their uniquely colorful designs at the easy touch of their fingertips". And guess what? They now have their own movie besides the 2016 animated film that made us question their sheer existence on the pop culture world and their first ever cinematic arrival. However, despite the nice animation and uniquely bizarre concept, *The Fuzzi Movie* does not have enough fuzz at all- and it is arguably as pointless of a film about fuzzies who don't care as the concept itself. Guess who made this film look bad? Ankora Films, the same studio who recently brought you the atrocious comedy mess that's *Food Wars* in the same year the fuzzies made their inauguration to 21st century cartoon cinema. If *The Emoji Movie* seems terrible enough as the movie centering on the yellow smileys inside your smartphone, then don't expect this to be two times better... because it's actually much worse than expected.

### *"The Fuzzi Movie* is a very, very, *very* bad film; and we're seriously talking about a movie in which Pandora saves the world and Sir Patrick Stewart voicing an anthromorphic dried piece of snot."

**-Chris Stuckmann**

As everyone has seen the cynical dump that was Sony's *The Emoji Movie* back in summer 2017 where most mediocre animated movies of that year took place, *The Fuzzi Movie* supposedly introduces us to the secret world inside your tablet where everyone - the fuzzies, of course - is supposed to act normal with a special set of rules every fuzzi has to follow: Mr. Booger is supposed to make nasty booger puns, Mr. Clock has to check every day what time it is, and Lene's girl Ms. Phone (who's literally a cell phone voiced by Maya Rudolph, yet on another bad cartoon) must wear plenty of makeup in order to look like some Instagram celebrity. However, there's one fuzzi that ain't normal like his peers and that's Lene: a red exuberant fuzzball who possesses lots of emotions and abnormality issues such as indifference, which is hugely inherited by his "meh" parents and uncle Armand (voiced by an optimistic Mel Gibson). Being such a malfunction thanks to making the wrong fuzz in front of his girlfriend, this oddball named Lene meets some annoying orange blob from the Loners Lounge named Fuzz, and together they embark on what is perhaps the most tiresome "gaming app-venture" I have ever experienced in my whole entire life, full of shameless Hasbro product placement and lacking the same pleasurable charm I had at Nintendoland's Mario themed rides in *The Actors Movie;* as they chew on Jenga blocks while hanging out around Facebook, pretending to be *Guitar Hero* rockstars, following the Twitter bird through Pinterest, sue Uncle Pennybags for cash on *Monopoly,* and for some reason going to the Great White Cloud via Dropbox. But - oh dear - Lene's girlfriend Ms. Phone gets kidnapped by Robert De Niro's ruthlessly psychopathic snob Paperman, who is looking to seek revenge on the fuzzies for his arrogant narcissism that cannot be expressed by his own actions. Together, these two fuzzi outsiders hesitantly put their differences aside by force and attempt to save the whole entire fuzzi population from complete automatic deletion, and as a reward for doing so they celebrate yet another generic dance party at the end. And yes, they accept Lene to the party despite him doing absolutely *nothing* to save them, and turns out that Lene is actually normal like the other fuzzies, how ridiculous.

Many people knew this was going to suck, even when the first teaser trailers of the film popped out of nowhere; not even Sir Patrick Stewart - being severely miscast as some humanized booger - could save this film from being such a disgrace to our Marcanese cinematic society. Yet it's also contaminated with explicit gay references concerning Lene's awkward relationship with Fuzz and the busy relationship between Mr. Staples (Bill Hader) and Sir James Booger. With an amusingly awful script to live up with, the writers can't even get more puntastic than repeating Booger's lame puns and his several ironic jokes that are too on-the-nose for those who can't stand a booger, and they hadn't really taken us inside the tablet at all. The film lacks subtlety as most of the comedy is rather insultingly lazy with terrible pop culture jokes such as one atrocious SpongeBob joke depicting him as King Charles' lingerie wearing clown (sure, you might get the reference there but it's done in the most unsatisfying way) that not even some toy named Buzz Lightyear - who makes an appearance here for some reason - could make this film stand out like his 1995 Pixar classic, and aside from too much blatant corporate propaganda and several devious aspects of the film, there are lots of unnecessary references that are as dated as Silento's 2015 hit and Pen Pineapple Apple Pen. One of the biggest problems with *The Fuzzi Movie* is that it feels much like an odd grab bag of elements from other successful animated features: it unsuccessfully tries to recreate *Lego's* breakneck pace and uniquely comedic style, takes a similar approach to the virtual gaming world and lives of its characters as *The Actors Movie,* and attempts to convey the same message as *The Colored Brothers Movie,* without any of that film's emotional insight and endearing colorful characters; even going as far as retrograding its 2016 predecessor in such a blatant manner. The film clearly has a desire to say something about the modern day world, that be the increasing lack of complex emotional discussion between people - when conversations nowadays can just be comprised of smiling fuzzies and digital high-fives - or the surprisingly feminist stance of Lene's smartphone girlfriend. That’s not to say that *The Fuzzi Movie* is an entirely unfunny or necessarily boring experience. The film’s cast - whose highlights include James Corden’s vain orange fuzzball, who tags along with Lene in the hopes of hacking his way back into Appworld and gets a majority of the film’s laughs - all manage to bring an extra level of energy to even the film’s most lackluster moments. But in the end, while *The Fuzzi Movie* manages to find some ingenious ways of explaining the “daily life of an Fuzzi”, its inability to deliver those ideas emotionally or thematically keeps it from ever feeling like a worthwhile experience, but instead some shameless generic 88-minute ad promoting more Fuzzi merchandise and supporting LGBT pride in the most obvious way. And besides, replacing Bowser with Paperman's Iron Shark for *Super Mario Bros* wasn't a really good idea either to finalize things with.