Ted Cruz

HitchBot showing Cruz's true form

"*throat fucked a dog last night*"
―Ted Cruz[src]

"*sorry twitter got hacked* "
―Ted Cruz[src]
Ted Cruz a Canadian robot, serial killer, Nazi, and senator.

## Biography

It's unknown when Cruz was created, but the jizz used to give him life was cursed, and the gods poisoned themselves upon learning of his creation. Being blessed with immortality, Ted Cruz became a Nazi during World War II. After the war ended, Cruz became a prolific serial killer known as the Zodiac Killer in the late 60s and early 70s. In 2013, he became a senator. Since the creation of the internet, Cruz has been working to undermine comment etiquette on the internet.

In 2015, Ted Cruz murdered HitchBot. In 2016, Ted Cruz ran for president but lost to Donald Trump. He elbowed his own wife in the face when his campaign ended. In 2017, Ted Cruz liked an incest porn video on twitter. To distract people, he admitted to being the Zodiac Killer.

## Composition

Ted Cruz is a robot. He's believed to be semi-biological, as much of his bodymass is jizz and he's controlled by a parasitic brain worm. However, his skin is entirely wax-based. It's also suspected that he may be part lizard person and part goblin. There is allegedly a "big gay Dan Quayle" inside of Ted Cruz. This is unconfirmed, but Cruz is known to suck off a few dudes now and then.

## Appearances

* Back to Basics (tweeted)
* Video Game Reviews (tweeted)
* Starting a Youtube Channel (mentioned, Comment Quiz of the Week)
* Tough Questions (tweeted)
* R/cummingonfigurines (tweeted)
* Future of Entertainment Pt. 1 (tweeted)
* Offensive Tweets
* Being a Woman Online
* Reaction Videos (Comment Quiz of the Week)
* New Students (tweeted)
* Who Killed HitchBot?
* The Safest Space (tweeted)
* Crowd Funding (tweeted)
* Stretch Goals and Spam Bots! (tweeted)
* Pale Blue Flat Dot (tweeted)
* Yahoo Answers (mentioned)
* Porn (mentioned)
* 100,000 Cucks Can't Be Wrong (tweeted)
* Global Warming
* Online Psychics (tweeted)
* Russians Dangling From Buildings (tweeted)
* Spinning Like a Helicopter
* Nightmare Fuel (mentioned)
* Staying Happy (tweeted)
* Lawyerin' Up (tweeted)
* YouTube Tutorials (tweeted)
* SCOTT BAIO APPRECIATION STATION (tweeted)
* Havin' one of THOSE nights
* How to Apologize Online (tweeted)
* HALLOWEEN ELECTION SPECIAL (tweeted)
* Learning to Hate (tweeted)
* Mandela Effect (tweeted)
* How to Stay Big Money on Youtube (tweeted)
* Erik Drinks Wine and Gets a Haircut (tweeted)
* Just Hanging Out (tweeted)
* Lady-Bots (tweeted)
* Music Videos
* Robot Goes to Yale (tweeted)
* Strange Sports (tweeted)
* Your Guide to the End Of the World (tweeted)
* Goodbye Pineapple Summer (tweeted)
* Net Neutrality (mentioned)
* Wife Elbower
* Things You're Doing Wrong (mentioned)
* Shakin Turds Out Your Pant Leg (tweeted)
* Article 13 (tweeted)
* Midterm Election Recap 2018 (tweeted)
* Quora VS Yahoo! Answers (mentioned)
* Re-Optimize Your YouTube Channel (tweeted)
* UFOs (tweeted)
* Avoiding Politics
* Revisiting Social Media Pets
* March to a Million Part Two (mentioned)
* Staying Unmotivated (mentioned)
* Refusing to Laugh (mentioned)
* Parler Tricks
* It's So Hard to Be Nice (tweeted)
* The Dark Arts (tweeted)
* How to Kink Shame (tweeted)

Patreon
* Kidz Corner (tweeted)