MacGuffin Muffins

The **MacGuffin Muffins** (マクグフフィﾝ・マファﾝズ *Damukorekutā Makuga-funo Mafanzu*), sometimes translated as **Plot-Driven Breakfast Snacks**, are plot driven breakfast snacks that feature heavily in the Bananarama saga as the objects which Bananarama-Sama and his Hell-Generals seek.

The MacGuffin Muffins are oversized muffins that contain power nugget fragments. When combined they form the Millenium Muffin, the world's greatest breakfast pastry. In addition, the combination of the Muffins summons the Santamen, who will grant the deepest desire of their summoner in exchange for the Millenium Muffin.

It is important to note, however, that the individual muffins are powerful on their own. Simply possessing them gives the would-be villain a chance of making minor character, which is surprisingly common. But the true power of the muffins are shown when they are eaten, at which point even Fredgar quails at the power presented, that is until he starts licking things and walking around. That never ends well.

It is said that the MacGuffin Muffins were created at the beginning of the universe by an omnipotent entity who had gotten really baked and wanted to make excessively powerful muffins, but this is just a legend. (Note the origination of the muffins only accounts for the underlying events that led to the energy that the muffin encompasses, this was harnessed by aforementioned entity).

## Muffin Types

There are many MacGuffin Muffins, and the powers between each one vary greatly. The many forms such powerful pastries take are documented here.

### The Buff Muffin

The Buff Muffin (or "Buffin") is thought to have created from the synthesis of an insane strongman and his dog—the former contributing the powers of the muffin, the latter contributing the fact that it looks like a dog. It grants the user incredible strength and dexterity, even allowing one to break the sound barrier while merely eating cereal. Fighting under the influence of the Buff often causes a person's hands to burn up due to speed. Actually *eating* the Buff Muffin is not suggested, as muscles may or mayn't begin to have the gravitational pull of a small moon.

### The Head Muffin

The Head Muffin is actually a muffin with a head in it, not the muffin supreme ruler. In fact, it is the weakest of the breakfast foods. It gives the user a really big head, colloquially known as "the Wizard Surprise." According to a legend, eating the Head Muffin too quickly will also give the user an extremely oversized head, which will rapidly inflate with helium. None have eaten it as of yet, on account of the fact that it's got a head in it. Ew.

### The Hair Muffin

The Hair Muffin is a muffin with hair on it for some reason. It originated from a seal hunter who had a nasty run in with a polar bear. It grants the user incredible foresight and causes one's hair to grow uncontrollably into dangerous objects (you could make a functional sword out of that hair). The hair grows stronger the more you try to burn it off and the hair can grow so much that it prevents people from moving at all (it grows faster than it can be cut). Possible side effects include but are not limited too: itching, suffocating, lice, a ghost polar bear that will try and eat you, dandruff, obituaries,  asshole alter-egos, eggs, and looking like crap all the time because you hair is too long dude. Nobody has even attempted to use this muffin since the hair looks and tastes like crap.

### The Goggle Muffin

The Goggle Muffin is probably one of the most powerful MacGuffin Muffins. It is a muffin with two eyes on it. When the Goggle Muffin is used, its user gains the ability to fire blasts of pure Mountain Dew radiation from their eyes. The beams instantly break all the chemical bonds of whatever organic lifeforms they hit, separating their target into scattered atoms. The downsides are that it takes a lot of screaming to use the Goggle Muffin, the beams cannot affect inorganic lifeforms, and it "really fucking hurts" to fire the beams, as Saracho can testify. The Goggle Muffin is stated to taste "like mom's cooking" and is currently in the possession of Saracho. For some reason, the Goggle Muffin sometimes wears a hat. It is said that if one holds in the beams too long (by closing their eyelids) then they will rapidly combust and the Goggle Muffin will be found basking in the glory of the ashes.

### The Leg Muffin

This muffin is unusual from most of the muffins in that it is typically displayed upside down due to the legs sticking out of it. Some argue that the legs are just a topper and it should be displayed right side up. According to ancient scriptures, either orientation is acceptable and that he doesn't judge. When consumed the muffin gives enhanced abilities related to the legs, including incredible speed and agility. However it is recommended consuming this muffin alongside the inner ear muffin as the leg muffin does not offer enhanced balancing abilities to go along with the newfound speed.

### The Inner Ear Muffin

Besides offering enhanced hearing (and sometimes listening) capabilities, the muffin also improves balance, both physically and in spirit. For that reason it was originally referred to as the Yin Yang Muffin in the manga adaption, however this was seen as too offensive for the anime and was briefly referred to as the Muffin of Spiritual Intelligence. However this created a confusion with the Muffin of Intelligence and was renamed permanently to the Inner Ear Muffin. Side effects of the Muffin include ear infections by small Hell-Satans, getting carpet bombed by undead Soviet Pilots, and bad music always playing just a bit too loud for your taste.

### The Intelligence Muffin/Hat Muffin

The Intelligence Muffin allows the user to experience increased intelligence as well as psychic powers. This also has the negative side effect of giving the user brain tumors. It can also cause the user's brain to become hat shaped or morph into a hat. Occasionally, the muffin will cause the user to transform into a magical artifact for some unknown amount of time, this makes this muffin very surreal to onlookers. The muffin is usually found with an oversized head part and wearing a tiny top hat.

## Legendary Muffin Types

Legendary Muffins surpass the powers of the common MacGuffin Muffins and can only be consumed by a being already capable of vast powers. Any lesser being would instantly disintegrate upon attempting to bite it. Unlike the typical McGuffin, these muffin glow and are rich with flavor. Their coloring denotes their powers. Some beings speculate that collecting the right combination of McGuffin Muffins will enable them to access the power level appropriate to consume a legendary muffin. These muffins were the second batch of MacGuffin Muffins created by Robot Jesus and due to intergalactic baking law, the second batch is always better than the first.

## The Ningineer Tortoise Muffin

This muffin has the power to summon various reptiles named after ancient poets and artists. These reptiles are trained in several ancient arts like being a ningineer (a combination of ninja and siege engineer) as well as writing poetry. It also allows the user to claim massive amounts power in the form of contrived, abstract art. The downside of using this muffin is that the reptiles will conspire for world domination and will likely attempt to kill the original user given enough time. Fortunately, as primarily artists they are rusty at their ningineer abilities and will probably miss any attacks they throw. Also Argentinian ghost pianos will arrive for some reason.

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## Shiny Muffin Types

Shiny Muffins are like normal MacGuffin Muffins, but instead have diamonds for their core. They have slightly more power, but they are usually ignored because the diamonds aren't considered pretty enough for the audience by Ultra Satan. They were the third batch of MacGuffins made by Robot Jesus and contained diamonds because Robot Jesus spilled a jar of graphite into the baking dough but didn't notice. Since these diamonds were made accidentally by Robot Jesus they are very unstable, being known to randomly explode with the power of a mediocre supernova. The fragments of the diamonds, once exploded, can also reform into the full sized diamond, fusing with the power of a mediocre supernova. During episode 361 they were a plot point, as Johnannesson Johnsonsonson attempted to extract the diamond cores within to power his Humongous Mecha. It was at this moment that the diamonds reacted to his extraction laser and obliterated a nearby chair. The chair was revealed to be a load-bearing chair, thus crushing Johnannesson Johnsonsonson. Note that this episode does not mention the actual abilities of the Shiny Muffins themselves.

## Bluffin Muffin Types

Bluffin Muffins are fake muffins sometimes used as a Red Herring in place of real MacGuffin Muffins. They typically also refer to muffins that have been injected with dark magic to curse the consumer. The current creator of the magical Bluffin Muffin's has yet to be revealed, though it has confirmed in episode 562 of the anime that the most powerful of the Bluffin Muffins is created by a single entity. Legend has it that one day the Bluffin Muffins and the MacGuffin Muffins will combine and destroy much of the known universe. Only Scout-Kenn is said to have enough power to stop the reaction as of episode 564.