Roasting and Boasting (Night)

## Winter vs Buckthorn

Winter sighed, the setting sun casting a bloody tinge to his golden fur. *Life is depressing*, he thought, glancing around for someone to attempt to insult. That was, after all, how Winter worked. If he was bored, it was obviously time to call someone names. Pathetic? Yes. Extremely so. "You're lame," he told Buckthorn, attempting to inject vileness into his words.

Buckthorn simply snorted in response. "Actually no, my legs work quite fine. I'm not physically lame."

The Golden Retriever blinked, taken aback. "Um, I meant mentally lame. You know... so, kind of saying you're not cool?"

Buckthorn's face twisted into a skeptical expression. "I agree. I am not cool. In fact, I'm rather hot. It's times like these that make me wish I had a shorter coat."

Winter let out a short bark of frustration. "You know what I mean! I mean that you're *mentally* not cool. You're lame."

"I'd thought we'd already decided that I'm not lame, Winter," Buckthorn told him pleasantly, although there was a hint of frustration in his voice. "My paws all work very well, thank you."

He growled, tail lashing furiously. "You're so- GRRRRRRR."

Buckthorn snorted softly. "I'm GRRRRRRR? Why, my dear doggie, what does *that* mean? Actually, don't answer me. I doubt you have the brains to form a complete sentence."

Winter bit back a snarled retort. "UGHHHH. You're such a... Eleven!"

"I am *ever so sorry*, my dear doggie, but I must have overestimated your brainpower. I was under the impression that you understood the basic rules of grammar, but apparently not. You see, my dear doggie, you're supposed to say 'an' before Eleven, not 'a'," Buckthorn told him, a note of contempt in his voice.

"YOU ARGHHHHHH I ERRRRRR HATE GRRRRRRRRRRRR!" Winter snarled, froth dripping from his mouth. Why couldn't Buckthorn insult him in the normal way? The coward! He couldn't just hide behind fancy words and grammar rules!

Buckthorn raised an eyebrow. "I have no idea what you just said, so I'll simply pretend it was coherent."

## Dandelion vs Night

Night stretched, reveling the sensation of the sunlight passing over his pelt. Yawning, he padded towards the only dog in sight. Dandelion. "Ello!" He called out.

Dandelion raised his head, his trademark grin flitting over his face. "Hello there!"

Night, not able to help himself, answered with a, "Patroller Dandelion You are a bold one." He glanced at the flies buzzing in the air, and, an air of authority surrounding him, barked, "Roast him!"

The flies, somehow understanding what was needed of them, darted towards Dandelion. The male glanced at a branch above him, willing it to fall, and it crashed to the ground, squashing all of the flies except one. Dandelion dealt with this one by crushing it between his teeth.

The black he-dog stiffened, and glared at the bits of grass surrounding him, which had began to lean towards the two. "Back away! I will deal with this patroller slime *myself."*

The grin returned to Dandelion's face. "Your move."

Night laughed softly. "You *fool*. I've been trained in your joker arts by your lover himself." He stretched, and the muscles under his pelt rippled. Dandelion could not help but cast them an admiring look.

"Attack, Dandelion!" Night barked, a grin across his face.

Dandelion hesitated, then began. "You like to be a 'knight in shining armor', don't you? Too bad you can't even spell 'Knight' right."

The black male's pelt bristled. "You think your jokes get you so far, but look at you! You're a pathetic dog at the bottom of Pack hierarchy."

Dandelion frowned. "Hey, that's not fair. That's not a roast, that's just plain pessimism. Not cool Night, not cool."

*More coming soon*