Greasy Gazette

The Greasy Gazette is a tabloid newspaper owned by Warrendeep Vaulter, Media Mogul, Tycoon an Mob Boss Salvatore "The Gobfather" Raspoli. It is often used to spread misinformation, exaggerate gossip or further his political and/or personal agenda

## Tabloid Articles: The Danger In Deepwarren

### Vaulter Pierre exposed in STEAMY affair with an elderly Grung! Claims a changeling 'tricked him'.

The notorious Redweni member of the Plutocratic council of Warrendeep City Vaulter Pierre is once again embroiled in another steamy scandal showing the native of the Red City has a love for all things aquatic and geriatric as was previously revealed to a stunned public last Yrrn when his love letters to a saucy sea hag was made public. Read more pg.2

### Was Blackbog better off in Hell

Famed Amyrian economist Zymar Athionos suggests in new book that Blackbog, in terms of local geopolitics, quality of living, crime statistics and local aesthetics may have been a more desirable place to live during its time in the fiery lands of the Nine Hells. Read more pg. 5

### New archaeological Excavations beginning in Hazyr at site believed to be final resting place of 1100-year-old Sharmat

New archaeological excavation has been undertaken by the Academy of Greifenbach believing they have uncovering new evidence of the elusive missing link in the Sharmat lineage. Will we have another event similar to the Curse of Akshaar or will we discover a hoard of riches. Find out more pg 64

### Ard-Rí Dubhdarach Mac Tíre invites Thel'Saeli Matriarch to 'suck on these two stinkin' boulders!' in failed diplomatic meeting

The High King of Dír Danhum Dubhdarach Mac Tíre once again causes diplomatic talks to break down after uttering a rude remark to the matriarch of House Domdranus in talks to repair strained relations between the two races. The rude remark was seemingly spurred on by a racist jest made by the matriarch of House Domdranus which then prompted Dubhdarach to brazenly display his rocky genitals as a rebuttal. Further tensions build between the Dwarves and the Thel and we are no closer to racial amnesty.

### Nearly half a cycle since The Monster of Masson Manor was put down by heroic party-goers yet fears still persist

Nearly 5 months have passed since the horrible Monster in Masson Manor made headlines and locals still say they live in fear. A Bishop of Calabor has blessed the site and performed seances confirming no other Akatian horrors lay hidden anywhere within the rolling hills of Redwain. As a result of the horror at Masson Manor countryside villas all over Redwain now experience all-time economic lows as 32-acre Château de Mériala sells for a measly 60,000 Redweni Florens. Read more pg. 7

### Oracle of Callistos Forsees Bloody Omen for the Upcoming Ascension of the Great Tenzin

The Bloody Sister atop her pythoness throne on the Isle of Callistos has scryed a dark omen for the future ascension of the Great Tenzin which is slated to take place in 1438 5E by tens of thousands. "Rivers of blood will run and many will become few" she says along with another phrase which the Emperor of Amyria refuses to release. Find out more pg 45.

### Piss Buckets now in style? Tortles around the world delving into a whole new world of fashion statements!

Us reporters here at the Greasy Gazette have been doing our best to investigate this strange phenomenon. While fashion experts around the world believe this to be due to the influence of a tortle fashion icon, after much research we here came to a conclusion, there isnt one. There is not a single tortle fashion icon, as studies find... tortles are famously ugly. More on tortles and their disgusting piss bucket habits on pg.33

### Salvatore "The Gobfather" Raspoli deemed sexiest man on all of Trea?

That's right readers. For the 24th year in a row. The Gobfather has been deemed the sexiest man in all of Trea. Nobody has ever made turning 50 look like just taking another sip from the fountain of youth. The goblin debonair mixes natural physique with trend setting fashion sense. All hail the Gobfather. Because if Warrendeep was ruled by beauty, we all know who would be the one true king. More shining from our local warrendeep goblin diamond on pg.73

### Arbiter Cyraxis warns merchants of strange dragon-pirate activity near Hesparion's Rest.

Dragonborn Arbiter of the Seventh Sanctum Cyraxis has ordered the highest naval alert in Amyrian History as draong-pirate attacks surge to catastrophic levels. find out more pg.19

### Masked Wrestler: "Maladominus" Actually a devil??

Famous Luchador Maladominus known for his portrayal of a wrestler from the hells now under suspicion by wrestling journalists to be an actual devil. Sources do not confirm wheter this is just a very well constructed story line by the WWF, or if there is an actual devil among the ranks of the WWF locker room. Our insiders suspect there is some devilish deviousness afoot, and we fans are all here to mark out over this run from hell. He is the wall brother, he is over, but his reign of terror is only beginning. More insights on Pg.50

## Tabloid Articles: The Secret of the Sharmat

### Hazyr in Ruins??? Multiple political figures assassinated! What does it mean?

Markings of Thros have been spotted in the houses of big players in the region of Hazyr. Is this the working of a psychotic serial killer? Or is this something more sinister. Religious experts say that it seems some fell ritual was carried out. This paper says good riddance! These "people" were only nefarious tyrants, this should be celebrated and not mourned.

In other news, Vaulter Salvatore Raspoli voted Sexiest man on trea for the 26th year in a row. More of this on Pg. 9

The Knight Mayor of Appolyon once again successfully marched on \*the rest is ripped and illegible\*

### New Play! *Toni Meloni in: The Saviour of Blackbog: The Gangs of Blackbog: 2: Toni Goes to Hell*, huge hit in Redwain!

High society can not stop talking about the new play, originally written by Nel'or Séamus McDuhlaigha, Pioneer of Transmutitive Evocation, reorganised, rewritten, recut and performed by armless playwright and actor, Odassi, is an absolute love letter to art and an emotional tour de force in evocative storytelling accordingto critics. Critics claim it is a mosiac of brilliance in which each minute piece is as beautiful as the last. But we hated it. We found it absolutely absurd that an armless man could defeat a devil, but that was not all. It is simply preposterous that a tortle can suffer from tuberculosis, be illiterate and fascinate over a bucket in which he  relieves himself. The whole play is needlessly graphic, incredibly crass, and what was going on with that character Darg? He was built up to be a main player in the tale, but instead did not say a word and was used a boogeyman, a sword of Damocles over the supposedly heroic  Toni (Odassi). Its hard to believe that a play could be worse than Odassi's last venture into the theater with his last disastrous original play: *Gorton Hears A Boom,* but it seems even our lowest expectations can indeed be subverted.

2.3/10

- Play Critic Rogerick Ebrontis

### Brass Bank Loan Sharks Mortified! Incompetency Scandal is Rampant!

Make sure to keep reading to see the gossip on the loan sharks of the Bronze bank. Rumor has it that despite their best efforts and their big scary stature, they actually couldn't hit the broad side of a barn! More on Pg. 70