Goro: Nice and Simple, Easy

He still couldn't fucking believe it was short for *Grigori*.

God. Really, it wasn't that bad in Elvish. It meant "watcher." Goro supposed that for wood elves, who lived in caravans and had to keep good lookouts, that was a real good thing to say about someone. Honorable. Not to mention he was a watchful son of a bitch himself. Couldn't say it didn't fit.

It sounded so fucking ridiculous when you were speaking Common, though. Like a fuckin' spin on Gregory. Goro had known a cleric at the abbey named Gregory. Fucking idiot and a stick in the mud.

#

Funny thing about *Goro* was that he'd always somehow known it was a nickname. When he was real young, before he was Footprints, kids sometimes asked him why he didn't take a street name, and he'd shrug and tell them Goro was one. Not like anyone actually named their kid that. It wasn't a real name. He remembered his mother calling him that, but there was no way he'd been born Goro.

Except… he was. He knew that now. Grandad Goro, Luka'd said in his letter. Still a nickname, still short for something, but that was the name Luka had chosen. Luka had held his baby in his arms and called him Goro. Goro Voronin.

It took Goro a long time before he could articulate why he wanted to call himself Voronin. Why he wanted a crow tattooed on his arm. Sometime in the summer he woke up in the middle of the night and suddenly knew the answer.

Luka was the first person who ever loved him. Luka had given him the name Goro Voronin. Then Jasmilia had taken half that name away when she left. She'd *stolen* it. Hidden it from him. When he found it again, he clutched it tight to his chest like the treasure it was. He had so little from his dad.

#

He walked up to Amari one day in the sun room, where she was enjoying tea and a book. She said hello and he said, "Does it bother you that I'm not Goro Flatflower?"

Amari tilted her head at him, puzzled. She set her book aside. "You can be Goro Flatflower if you like. But it doesn't bother me if you're not."

"You're my mom," he said.

"Yes."

"Most kids have their mom's last names."

"Many, but not all. You know, in Shou Leng—"

Goro ground his teeth and waved that away. "We're not in Shou Leng. I don't give a shit."

"That's fine. I'm just as much your mother, whether you have my last name or not."

Goro sat down and told her about Voronin, and why he had to hold tight to it.  She nodded eagerly, agreeing that it sounded very precious to him.

"But," he said, looking down and wringing his hands. "I'm taking Hansel's name too, is the thing. Gonna be Voronin-Bell. And, um. I don't… I don't know if it's fair. Like I'm skipping over you."

Amari murmured in interest. "Are you afraid of hurting my feelings?"

He shook his head. "I know I ain't gonna. You're gonna tell me it doesn't matter."

She gave a small smile. "It doesn't matter to me. But it sounds like it might matter to you. Like names mean a lot to you." He nodded, and she kept going. "And I know it's important to you that you understand what you feel, and why you feel that way."

"I guess."

"Maybe this time there's no easy answer, though. Feelings don't always line up. Maybe I mean as much to you as your father and Hansel, but you still don't want to take my name, and that's just how it is."

Goro grumbled, not remotely satisfied.

"Well, make Flatflower your middle name, then," she suggested, like it was the simplest thing in the world. She picked her book back up.

#

Yeah, he guessed he fucking could. Wouldn't be any harm in it.

He had the thought later, though, while he was out taking a walk: if Amari had another kid, and *they* took the name Flatflower, then he'd be all over it. He'd be Goro Flatflower like his fucking life depended on it.

That was how he was a lot of the time, he guessed. He saw other people doing things and went, *me too, me too, me too*. It was that pervasive fear of being an outsider. Doing shit wrong.

He just loved how easy Mishka took the name Mishka Bell. He wasn't Mishka Bell all the time, no. Sometimes he was still Mikhail Haeth. But that in itself gave it more impact. He was making a *statement* when he told people he was Mishka Bell.

*Me too, me too, me too,* went Goro's stupid brain. Fucking flies buzzing around his head, telling him he and Hansel wouldn't be *as* married if he didn't do it the same.

There was still that longing he felt when he saw the easy way Mishka and Hansel had with each other. Same feeling, same exact one, as being a lonely kid looking at families all cozied up together in their homes. And that lonely kid hadn't thought *I don't have that because my mother was a bitch who threw me out*; he'd thought *I don't have that 'cause I ain't figured out how yet.*

There was a way, and he didn't know it. If he figured out the steps, and followed them, he'd have a family.

And in just the same way, if he figured out the right steps to being married, he'd be married. Mishka and Hansel had figured it out. Raef and Az had figured it out. Joan and Amari had figured it out.

Goro was desperate.

#

On their wedding night, when everyone else had gone home, Goro and Hansel curled up on the sand under the heavy blanket. Clothes off, Goro insisted; he was sorry to see Hansel's handsome wedding day outfit go, but he needed to feel that skin on skin. They touched each other everywhere that was possible and giggled. They tried to stargaze, but Goro had a hard time looking at the sky when the most beautiful thing in the world was lying right next to him.

He didn't know if he'd ever been so happy. He started crying again. Hansel cradled him and kissed him, and Goro kept trying to tell him that he was fine; they were happy tears. Seemed like Hansel knew, though.

Truthfully, Goro wasn't sure they were *just* happy tears. Relief tears, more like. And a little bit of crying for the lonely person he used to be, 'cause Mask knew that guy never cried for himself.

Hansel got all sniffly, too. Soon enough they got their act together and were back to giggling, though. And then kissing. Goro got embarrassed, but managed to tell Hansel what he was thinking.

"For our first time, being married," he said, "maybe just something real simple and—and nice. You know, *lovemaking* or whatever the fuck. Romantic, that's the word I'm looking for." He smacked a hand over his face, 'cause it sounded so fucking cheesy.

Was what they did, though. Nice and simple. Hansel laid Goro down on the beach, feet away from where they'd shared their first kiss. Goro was so busy relishing every part of it—the sand on his back, the salty air, Hansel moving inside him, their skin hot against each other—he didn't even care much if he came. (Which, well, he did. Felt real good, and all.)

And when they were done, Hansel wrapped Goro up tight and kissed him and told him how good he was, just like always.

When Goro got his breath back, he whispered, "Loving you is real easy. There's nothing else that's easy for me, seems like. But you make it so easy."

And he thought of the name thing, again.

And how fucking *hard* he'd been trying to do the whole "getting married" thing right.

("It doesn't have to be that hard," Amari had told him once, a few months back. And he remembered, too, years and years ago, when she was teaching him his first spells, she'd seen the way he frowned and clenched his teeth, and she said, "Find ease.")

That easy way Hansel and Mishka had with each other, the easy way Mishka put on Hansel's name—god, Goro was so fucking dumb. It didn't need to look like that for him. It wasn't gonna look the same as any other couple, him and Hansel being married. Sometimes it seemed like Goro couldn't do anything the same way as other people. But it didn't always mean he was doing it wrong, he guessed.

He loved Hansel so much, and Hansel loved him. Getting married—ah, it felt so good, and it made him so happy, but it wasn't a *fix* for anything like he'd been hoping. That was 'cause there wasn't nothing to fix.

Getting married didn't put anything in place that hadn't been there all along. Just codified it.

*That's* what Hansel had been trying to fucking tell him, when he said they could do whatever they wanted, and having the same name didn't make it more or less real. It had made Goro so goddamn happy when Hansel asked if he could give him his name, though, and that oughta be the reason he took it. Nothing more or less.