The Boisterous Brothers Episode 1

## Summary

This episode begins with Georg describing Damian as a "charisma black hole" and speak's of how Damian's soon to be inbreb family will be overjoyed by his death. Georg then presents an anecdote about a friend of his trying to play a prank on little children on halloween night instead of masturbating. The boy layed on his porch's roof holding onto a television cabel for support, so he may jump down in front any trick r' treaters, rightfully scaring the shit out of them.However, this 14 year old was both tall and fat.and so fell through the roof of his porch and, still holding the cabel, yanking down a flatscreen TV which sold 1,000 british sterling and smashing it against the window. The boy's father, an english bobby, properly bollocked the yob while small children pissed on his head.

Lieutenant-Colonel Anonymous Bilgewater then speaks of the 2016 battle to the death between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. Also, some shit happened in a place with a lot of sand.

A Very Frasier Synopsis: Damian sings then describes the 4th episode of Frasier's  2nd season, "Flour Child".

Damian speaks about how he use to love but now despises Frasier both the program and the man. Georg has a stroke and thinks Will Smith is yellow.  The boys then discuss the trope of using bags of flour as infant surrogates to teach kid's not to touch each other's genitals. Georg recall's a classmate of his that had, the night before, fisted his girlfriend. Georg asked the freak if this hurt her since your fist is about the size of a baby's head and those hurt when erupting from a woman's vag. The boy then stood up and shouted about georg being a fool for believing babies come from the vagina and not the belly button. The boys then discuss how the entire western school system is in absolute shambles and shout at an egg for being gay.

Swash & Mau Mau in The case of the curse of the ruby-garnet (part 1).

Leeroy Latoc then sings about Halloween, Buffalo Bill and pumpernickle.

A little Bit of Poison; Magic socks

The Boys speak of a halloween party they hosted. Georg was a Priest. Damian was a Hotdog. They came upon the Idea whilst listening to the symphony. Georg nearly caught fire and Damian was Flaccid. They then speak of Damian's addiction to hotdogs melting on the counter and how it will lead to his cronebergesque transformation into a half-man half-hotdog. Halloween is declared "Shit" and only dickhead's like it.

## Episode Breakdown

Setting the tone of the podcast, Georg kicks off the series with a light-hearted insult towards Damian, in a fashion that throughout the series would become commonplace. A short tangent ensues about the pent up positivity that may be released once Damian reaches 75, either as deathbed chatter or a secret 185 volume epic “about all kinds of crazy things”.

This episode takes place five days after Halloween and both the Boisterous Bros admit to not caring about it, or pretty much any other holiday.

> "Like any other holiday, I can give or take it really" -Damian
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### THE HALLOWEEN ANECDOTE

To set up this episode’s anecdote, Georg explains the traditional ‘English Halloween’:

*Georg: ...In England Halloween is a thing… but it’s not a thing for anyone over 12 or 13.*

*Damian: -And it’s barely a thing for people under that age as well.*

*Georg:  Your mum and your dad take you to your neighbour’s house, probably after they’ve pre-arranged this. They knock on the door and the neighbour comes like: “(Sigh) here’s a Mars Bar, go away” …Or, it’s flat out extortion. It’s one or the other. It’s either very babyish or it’s like: “Give me some candy, otherwise I’ll kick your dog to death.”*

A friend that the Boisterous Bros knew at secondary school (around age 14) was at a frustrating time in his life. Too young to drink and leave home; and didn’t have a life of his own.

*G: All you can really do [at that age] is wank and be antisocial. It’s like that phase you [Damian] entered 15 years ago and never got out of.*

*D: Thank you very much, yes.*

Confined to his house by his dad, who’s a no-nonsense police officer, the friend of the Boisterous Bros (let’s call him Jumbo) decided to play a prank. Jumbo had the grand idea to wait for some trick or treaters and then jump down from the roof of his porch to frighten them. Jumbo is a big guy, 6’2” with a fair bit of “puppy fat”, so he’ll withstand the bitter British October cold.

*G: He’s the sort of person you’d want to use as a battering ram should you not be able to find any wood.*

So, Jumbo lowers himself down from a window with the help of a loop of TV aerial cable installed in the bedroom he descends from. After waiting about 20 minutes on the roof of his porch some kids and their parents finally comes by. It’s getting late (about 8:30pm) so Jumbo knows he only has this one shot.

He stands up…And falls straight through the porch, bringing it down with him. Out of instinct he grabs hold of the TV aerial cable hanging from the window. The TV aerial cable was connected to both the wall and his father’s brand new flat-screen TV. The wall socket gives out in the bedroom as Jumbo’s full weight is put into the cable, bringing the flat-screen crashing into the wall beneath the window and acting as an anchor for his impromptu grappling hook. The TV, belonging to his Dad, at that time was probably worth about a grand.

Unhurt, Jumbo is a troublemaker and doesn't care about a bit of bollocking; but as Damian wisely says “I think he fucking cared that night”.

In conclusion to this anecdote, both the lads discuss the reaction of the trick-or-treaters to the sight of a large teenager falling out of nowhere in front of them.

*G: …Even though it’s quite dramatic –he’s fallen through the porch- I think you’d kind of know he was trying to fuck with us. And you’d probably just say “are you alright?” then once he was like “(winded gasping) y-yes”, you’d leave.*

*D: I don’t know, if I was one of those parents and I’d saw this fucking thug-*

*G: You’d kick him.*

*D: I wouldn’t kick him in… but I’d be like “Little Johnny, piss on his face”.*

*G: (Laughs) “Chop, chop!”*

*D: -”Get his wallet”.*

*G: Johnny’s like “I’ve been saving my piss all night for this. I was gonna put it through the vicar’s letter box”. What? Nothing…*

And with that, it’s time for this episode’s news section, featuring Georg’s alter ego on the frontline:

### BILGEWATER

> Hello the Boisterous Brothers,
>
>

> This week, most people have been getting ready for next week -that is- the eighth of
> November, when Hillary Clintons and Donold Trump [*sic*] will face off in an election that will decide which one of them will die in office… or who will be the first president of The Americas to be jailed.
>
>

> Also, Iraqis and American special infantry prepare to take Mosul from ISIS. Good thing the
> western coalition rebuilt the country some years ago, or things could be in quite, quite the pickle.
>
>

> Yours, reportedly,
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> Lieutenant Colonel Anonymous Bilgewater.
>
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### A VERY FRASIER SYNOPSIS

> “He’s got the whole world, in his …bottom. He’s got the whole world, in his …bottom. He’s got the whole world, in his …bottom. He’s got the whole world, in his …bottom.
>
>

> Frasier pulls a baby out of a cabdriver’s vagina. Silly Frasier subsequently embarrasses himself by describing how beautiful said vagina is. Frasier puts that baby in the back of a van as Niles reflects on his life and decides he wants that baby. Fraiser won’t tell Niles the truth about what he has done and so gives him a bag of flour as a distraction. Niles, in denial denials [*sic*], tells himself it is a real baby. We discover that Niles is a terrible father. The baby is then set on fire and eaten by a dingo. At the same time Frasier harasses a critically ill senior, in an intensive care unit.”
>
>

Flour Child, Season 2: Episode 4

*G: I suppose there are many people who might be listening to this and have no idea what Frasier is…*

*D: They can go fuck themselves.*

*G: They can, go fuck off and die.*

### INTANGIBLE TANGENTS

The lads go on to talk about how much Frasier is something Georg finds synonymous with Damian, who had 83 episodes on VHS constantly playing throughout his childhood. Beloved childhood memories were formed on Damian’s bedroom “Video Machine” and both reminisce about VHS technology, including their shared experience of owning the first Men in Black on VHS and DVD.

*G: …You were just so bored. Because your life was so bad. Frasier was the light. It wasn’t a good light, but it was the light.*

Returning to the content of the episode Damian had succinctly 'synopsised', the boys discuss the use of a “child proxy” for “hungry parents” or teenagers in media. Looking after an egg was found to be a common form of this tribulation.

*D: I’ve never really questioned it till now but it’s the most bizarre…*

*G: -Exercise, of just… non-thinking, really. Y’ know, why would this make teenagers consider anything about children, it’s nothing to do with children really.*

*D: Yes, whatever the goals are they’re just not clear. And how you kind of regulate that and...*

*G: Right, because it’s seems to be the goal is: we give (y’ know) kind of pubescent kids -especially girls, it seems to be aimed at- these bags of flour (or whatever) or maybe it’s a baby with a monitor inside it […] and they have to look after it for a week and they have to make sure that when it cries, they feed it and (y’ know) they take it everywhere and they don’t leave it anywhere. But that’s not what a baby is. A baby isn’t like a Tamagotchi, like you feed it three times a week and that’s it. And you can like bundle it in the back of the car, right?*

*D: Yeah.*

*G: Because I assume that’s what you would do with the flour. You wouldn’t walk around a fucking shopping centre with a bag of flour.*

*D: No, I mean, yeah, that’s kind of the point that I was getting at…*

*G: Or if you did you’d put it in a shopping bag. You wouldn’t have it- [Cradles arms to chest]*

*D: [Laughs] It’s too late at this point because the first  exercise you have when you’re given this bag of flour is you’ve got a sharpie in one hand and you have to give it a personality.*

*G: [Sniggers] Right, yes, you can’t draw a little moustache on it though.*

*D: [Laughs] All these Hitler babies!*

*G: There’s lots of little moustache people out there, why do you have to go to Hitler? … Yeah it was Hitler, was definitely Hitler…*

*[Both laugh]*

*G: That’s what everyone does, gives it a proper haircut and everything…*

*Georg goes on to recount his experience of Sex Ed:*

*G: For my Sex Ed, I remember (y’ know) we learnt about everything up to the baby coming out of the lady, right..*

*[Both chuckle]*

*G: ... Which I think is probably how it was put… but I mean, we learnt about sex, we learnt about how the baby is formed in the stomach – not in the stomach, Jesus Christ.*

*D: [Laughs] It’s another hungry parent!*

*[Both laugh]*

*G: I had a friend who said to me once “I was fisting my girlfriend last night” and I said “what?”. He was like 16, I said “what?!” … And he goes “Yeah I fist fisting her”. And I said “but wouldn’t that really hurt her?” and he said “what, why?” and I said “because like a fist is, like, the size of a baby’s head ... and that fucking hurts coming out”. He’s like “OH MY GOD, babies don’t come out of a vagina, they come out of her belly button you fucking idiot!”*

*D: [Cackles with laughter]*

*G: So maybe we can’t be saying anything about people’s Sex Educations…*

*D: Hmm, well, yeah I do forget we went to school with a lot of fucking donkeys.*

To conclude this section, both conclude that their Sex-Ed was very regressive and neither had any education on anything to do with childcare. They decide perhaps it’s something more common in America and that “in the UK it’s real babies… from the IT Teacher”.

*D: I’m surprised it’s not something that’s completely obsolete.*

The use of eggs and bags of flour to emulate babies for teenagers and prospective parents in media is almost always to mock the system, as a joke.

*G: You don’t have to go to take your egg to a doctor and the doctors say “oh yeah, he’s blind in one eye” or anything like that. You don’t have to look at your baby and think ‘my baby is 7 months old but I can already see that it’s way too touchy-feely’.*

*[Both Laugh]*

### SWASH & MAU MAU

Join Hieronymus Swash and Mau Mau on an exciting adventure in:

**The Case of the Curse of the Ruby Garnet - Part 1**

## Notable Quotes

**Georg:**

> “Damian is like a human black-hole”
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> “You just absorb people’s energy and just crush it down into (like) a tiny particle no one will ever see ever again.”
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> “I know the [X Files] theme tune scared the shit out of me as a kid, I always had to turn it over.”
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**Damian:**

> “That’s what you want to put in front of a camera; a charisma vacuum such as myself.”
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