Crustaceans VS Copepods

(Episode starts with Krabs walking his pet worm)

Krabs: what a beautiful day for a nice stroll! I just hope the IRS doesnt find out about my tax evasi- (suddenly bumps into something) OW! what's the big deal? (Notices he ran into Sandy's treedome) Sandy's dome? Huh, well I wonder what Sandy is up to. (Presses his face against the glass)

(Zoom out to the inside of the Treedome. Sandy walks under a tarp and sparks fly from out under)

Krabs: I should go see what she's doing! But last time i did that, a giant krabby patty consumed town… (pauses for a brief moment) oh well! (Ties his worm up to a pole in the ground) you wait here, boy! (Tosses a treat in his mouth, then runs through Sandy's door)

(Cut to Sandy inside)

Sandy: there seems to be a component missing...

(Pans out to reveal Krabs standing behind Sandy)

Krabs: Hi, Sandy!

Sandy: (screams, throws hammer in the air) KRABS! I didnt hear you come in!

Krabs: whatcha building, sandy?

Sandy: well, im currently building a- (the hammer hits her straight in the head, knocking her out)

Krabs: Sandy! Are you alright? Sandy?!

(Closeup of Sandy knocked out, drooling)

(Cut back)

Krabs: i really shouldn't view what is under this tarp, but… eh, what the hell.

(Krabs pulls the tarp, revealing a lone red telephone sitting on a table)

Krabs: a telephone? Sandy was working on a telephone? (Krabs picks up the telephone)

Robotic Telephone voice: please state which year you would like to go to.

Krabs: wait, what year i want to go to? Is this like, a time machine?

Telephone voice: yes, i am a time machine.

Krabs: WOAH! imagine what i could do with this! Hmmm…

(Thought bubble transition to Krabs on a giant throne with people worshipping him)

Worshipper: oh great sir! Please tell us how you make those delicious patties!

Krab: that is a closely kept secret!

(A guard fish walks in)

Guard: sir, what should we do with this vermin? (Holds up Plankton in a chain)

Plankton: uh, hey Krabs! How, uh, is it going?

Krabs: give him a life sentence.

Plankton: NO!

Guard: very well, sir. (Walks off)

(Shows a shot of Krabs laughing as the thought bubble poofs away)

Krabs: (begins laughing) thats genius! (Clears throat, talking into telephone) take me to… 2057, please!

(Sparks fly out of the telephone as Krabs disappears in a white flash)

Sandy: (waking up) where am i? (Notices telephone is missing, gets angry) i KNEW that Krab was up to SOMETHING, DAGNABBIT!

(Cut to the middle of town. A subtitle reads "37 years in the future appears right before Krabs arrives. There are silhouettes of people shooting eachother and explosions happening in the distance)

Krabs: Woah. (Notices a tumbleweed in the bare landscape) HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL, that contraption of Sandy’s is as real as me Old Granny’s glaring spectacles!

Plankton: (devilishly laughs in the distance) A H HAHAHAHAHA!

(Scene zooms out slightly and an older version of Plankton is seen. He walks out to Mr. Krabs)

Krabs: Ah, so it looks like the little pipsqueak from 37 years ago is still a failure! (starts laughing)

Plankton: (grabs gun) DON'T MOVE, KRABS!

Krabs: WHA?!

(Plankton throws a grenade, and Krabs jumps behind a building without Plankton knowing)

Krabs: what happened to the town?!

Fish: (offscreen) you don't know?

(Zoom out to reveal an unkempt fish hiding behind the same building)

Krabs: who are you? What happened to Bikini Bottom?

Fish: how could you not know? There has been a war raging against Krabs and Plankton for 25 years.

Krabs: (flinches because of an explosion off screen) but how?

Fish: it all started when Sheldon J Plankton stole the secret krabby patty formula.

Krabs: HE WHAT?!

Fish: he was on top of the world for 2 years and enslaved all crabs, but the crabs got tired and rebelled, starting a 25-year-war between the 2 sides.

(Cut to a group of plankton piloting robot mech suits, shooting the crabs, and the crabs are shooting them)

Fish: (narrating) the Plankton side is made up of his 5600 relatives, and the crabs side, who call themselves the Rebels, is piloted by a group of rebels and other crabs.

(Cuts back)

Krabs: but how have they been fighting this war for 25 years?

Fish: the thing is, the Rebels don't know where the formula is, so they're trying to get the Plankton to reveal the location

Krabs: (smirks) That’s easy! The only thing they have to do is win the war against this minuscule dingbat!

Fish: (confused) Sir, they've been in combat for two and a half decades, so congrats, your nemesis is tougher than the green golf ball you liked to hit and swing to the Chum Bucket 37 years ago.

Krabs: (laughs) Plankey can't possibly be this resistant or strong. 37 years ago, he was a small, green punchline to Bikini Bottomites (snorts) and got stepped on like he was chewing gum.

Fish: Plankton and his minions are now as dominant as King Neptune. He's a deity.

Krabs: Bikini Bottom hails a nanoscopic dwarf?!

Fish: Shhhh. The master might hear you. He destroys any Krab with a ‘k’ in plain sight.

Krabs: We can't let this pathogen destroy the most precerous, delicerous Krabby Patties that are born to be served at the true Krusty Krab!

Fish: There's like a sea of him, mister, and he annihilated the Krusty Krab’s good name and image. It’s out of business and brave people who've visited the place say it's like an abandoned hospital, though it might be used for something else. You need to enlist and join the war to defeat your green nemesis.

Krabs: Who leads the current army of crabs?

Fish: That would be you, of course, the older you! (smiles)

Krabs: Me? Leading the army?! (eyes gleam and mouth waters) Ah…….. (faints)

French narrator: Five minutes later.

(Scene transitions to an underground hut behind the Krusty Krab owned by the brave ol’ warrior, Kaptain Krabs)

Krabs: So you're the legendary warrior written in HISTORY BOOKS?!

Kaptain Krabs: They don't call me captain for nothin’! Wait one secon’, you're me?!

Krabs: (jumps up in excitement) I’m you! They don't call me “Armor Abs Krabs” for nothin’!

Kaptain Krabs: Woah, woah, uh, woah. Holy shrimp. How the heck is there a clone of me in this universe? (shrieks) HOW?! Humbug!

Krabs: Cool it, me. I only just got here, me. Cool down, me.

Kaptain Krabs: (shivering) Are you a fake or spy, sent by that evil, green scum Plankton?! Get away from me ya lyin’ menace. No foolhardiness or dog tricks aboard my DECK OF FIGHTERS!!

Krabs: I travelled through Sandy’s magical telephone invention that transported my glimmering soul 37 years into the future, through 25 years of war, into the Bikini Bottom of 2057. What a treat from Sandy!

Kaptain Krabs: Sandy the Squirrel? Oh, she's long gone now.

Krabs: SHE’S DEAD?!

Kaptain Krabs: Nah, she abandoned Bikini Bottom when Plankton took over and escaped back to dumb ol’ Texas, along with her chipmunk compadres.

Krabs: That Squirrel always loved Texas. She once packed her bags and tried to leave before backtracking and partying at the Krusty Krab thanks to Mr. SquarePants, my top, #1, 374-consecutive-awardee Krusty Krab employee of the month.

Kaptain Krabs: Very well, indeed.

Krabs: Does it really take 25 years to win a war against this conman?

Kaptain Krabs: Well, it took less than two years to rebel and start one. We need to recruit more crab soldiers and defeat the green slob’s army!

Krabs: (brags) I’d be willing to, ahem, (kisses claws and arms) help you defeat this little bug with a cost of…

Kaptain Krabs: The Krabby Patty Secret Formula?

Krabs: Hmm… I like money, but for the most precerous and the most revered and esteemed piece of paper that opens a fry cook and the rest of Bikini Bottom into the world of treasured and high-demand Krabby Patties...

Kaptain Krabs: (sweats) MEANS MORE MONEY!

Krabs: (sweats too) SO YES! (high fives)

Kaptain Krabs: (yells) I LIKE MONEY!

Krabs: (yells) I LOVE MONEY! (high fives again)

Kaptain Krabs: Right-O, the next major battle is at sunrise tomorrow. Be prepared for combat at the Great Formula War, but also prepare to get yourself slightly wiped. I say that to every crab soldier on duty, because who knows what that little nimrod has in store for each of these scurvy dogfights. We lose crabs every day, but we always keep going and chant: GIVE US THE FORMULA, OR GIVE US DEATH!!!!!

Krabs: Where’s the rest of your troops, commander? (salutes)

Kaptain Krabs: They were out on the battlefield fighting against that wacko, one-eyed copepod moments ago, but now they are in nearby tents.

Krabs: Gotcha.

Kaptain Krabs: Their meals consist of the most extravagant and nutritious… GRUB WORMS!

Krabs: (clutches fist) Sounds pretty manly for tough krabs! (looks around) quite an army you've got there! But, how should we ambush these little green foes, squire?

Kaptain: thing is, they are always 1 step ahead of us! It's like they know our every move!

Krabs: well, given that I've been dealing with plankton for over 20 years, i may know a thing or two about him.

Kaptain: those green scumbags wiped my memory when they enslaved my kind.

Krabs: not a problem, I know the Chum Bucket inside and out!

Kaptain: then maybe… you could be a spy!

Krabs: a spy?

Kaptain: yeah, a spy! While we're fighting in the town, you could sneak into the heavily-guarded Chum Bucket!

Krabs: I've sneaked in there so many times that i know all traps by heart! Seriously, (turns around, revealing a large patch of his shell with burn marks) i got the burn marks to prove it. (Turns back around)

Kaptain: well, it's late, so you're gonna have to do it tomorrow. Doing it now would be suicide, since the Bucket is guarded from every angle.

Krabs: how do you know they arent hearing our conversation right now?

Kaptain: cuz this is our safe spot, they have no idea we're here.

Krabs: your safe spot is the Krusty Krab?

(Zoom out to reveal they're in the Krusty Krab)

Kaptain: yeah, the Plankton figure that no one would want to have a safe spot in this dump ever since it went out of business.

Krabs: but-

Kaptain: no buts! Now, we all should get rest, but before we do, are you 100% CERTAIN you know what you're doing?

Krabs: Yes, sir- er, me?

Kaptain: everyone turn in for the night, this battle will end tomorrow.

(All the rebels to to bed)

(Cut to a night shot of the Krusty Krab fading to a day shot. Inside, all the rebels are in sleeping bags, sleeping on the floor, when out of nowhere Kaptain Krabs blows a loud horn, waking everyone up in shot)

Kaptain: ALL MEN TO THEIR STATIONS! TODAY IS THE DAY WE WIN THIS WAR!

(The Rebels all cheer)

Kaptain: Now, Krabs, once we begin fighting, and once i give you the signal, that is when you sneak into the Chum Bucket and steal the formula.

Krab: Aye Aye, me!

Kaptain: we will begin marching to the fighting zone in exactly 30 minutes, sso make sure you are all ready.

(Multiple shots of the rebels loading their weapons are shown, then fades to the fight zone, which is in the middle of Town)

(The Rebels all march towards town with angered expressions. They see the Plankton marching as well)

Kaptain: (after a few seconds of the sides giving each other angered glares) CHARGE!

All of the crabs: (collectively) GIVE US THE FORMULA, OR GIVE US DEATH!!!!!

(The Rebels and the Plankton all charge at eachother, firing their weapons, and throwing grenades)

Killer Krab: (runs onscreen) TO VICTORY! (tries to fire gun, but ends up shooting and killing 5 rebels by accident) er, im sure they were enemy spies. (Tries to shoot but ends up shooting next to a rebel sniper, revealing his location and getting him killed) uh, that guy too. (Fires again) uh, and him. (Fires again) him too.

Kaptain: Killer Krab, screwball, are you going nuts?! These are our precerous, acclaimed, macho soldiers! Maybe you should go and report to Mr. Krabs pronto and assist with his top secret spying mission! (Picks up Killer Krab, throws him at Mr. Krabs)

Krabs: (gets hit by Killer Krab) What the flim flam?! Wait, aren't you that Mermaid Man villain who only appeared in 1 episode?

Killer Krab: yeah, I am. I gave up the villain business and instead became a Rebel.

Kaptain: don't just stand there you two, go! March!

(Krabs and Killer Krab run off screen)

(Cut to Killer Krab and Mr. Krabs behind the Chum Bucket, both wearing ski masks)

Krabs: okay, so if my memory serves me right, we are behind Plankton's Lab, where the Formula should be.

Killer Krab: how will we get inside?

Krabs: (punches a massive hole in the wall) like that.

Killer Krab: Beautiful.

(Both of them rush into the Chum Bucket, which appears noticeably larger than 37 years ago)

Krabs: (gasps) Holy mother of pearl, this place looks radically… strange and different!

Killer Krab: What a difference 37 years can make. Woah, there are bobby traps in here! (points)

Krabs: We cannot be deterred! The formula is at stake!

Killer Krab: Be careful of the trap door, Krabs!

Krabs: (almost accidentally steps on it, gasps) Woah. Phew. I didn't notice Plankey managed to install trap doors in this place. I thought he was always unsophisticated!

(The two Krabs sidestep the first trapdoor, and jump over a wire attached to a cage hanging above. They skulk and sneak past a security camera scanning for intruders by crawling. They finally reached a door that would lead them inside a room with the vault of the secret formula under heavy surveillance).

Killer Krabs: Truly superb. Now all we have to do is get through here and-

Krabs: (alarmed) Holy mother of pearl! Hold up a minute- Look! (points at electrical wires attached to the knob) This thing could electrocute you if you touch it!

Killer Krabs: Shucks, I would've been dead meat without your unmatched, genius intelligence. But- but- how do we get past here then?!

Krabs: Hmph, (looks around) I spy with my big eyes...

Killer Krab: ive got scissors!

Krabs: NO!

(Killer Krab is electrocuted offscreen, and the electric wires disintegrate)

(Killer Krab is charred from being electrocuted)

Krabs: oh. Well, let's continue on. (Walks through door)

Killer Krab: ow. (Walks through door slowly)

(Cut to a room with a giant safe inside)

Krabs: (gasps) i think this is it!

Killer Krab: what're you waiting for? Get the safe open!

Krabs: right! (Punches safe, and his arm shatters) this is gonna be harder than I thought.

Killer Krab: here, let me try. (Spits on both hands, points them at safe) OPEN SESAME!

Krabs: its been done.

Killer Krab: what, were?

Krabs: nevermind that, how will we get this safe open?

Killer Krab: all i got is (pulls a stick of dynamite out) this stick of dynamite.

Krabs: dynamite? That's perfect! Gimme that! (Grabs it out of his claw, puts it next to the safe, lights it) here goes nothing…

(The dynamite blows up, making the door fly right into Krabs)

Killer Krabs: it worked!

Krabs: i think i cracked me shell.

Plankton: (offscreen) what was that explosion? Is everything alright?

Krabs: oh shrimp, it's Plankteron!

Killer: grab the formula and RUN, man!

Krabs: (grabs formula) ok, now we gotta hide-

Plankton: (walks into room) hey, is everything- (notices Krabs with the formula) eh, everything seems in order. (Turns and walks away but suddenly realises what he saw) WAIT A MINUTE! (turns around) KRABS?! (Grabs a gun and immediately begins shooting)

Krabs: BOOK IT!

(Krabs and Killer Krab run out, narrowly avoiding all bullets)

(Cut to the 2 running through a hallway, with bullets flying everywhere)

Plankton: (offscreen) I'LL GET YOU TWO!

Killer Krab: (gets shot in the leg, starts limping) OH MY NEPTUNE THIS HURTS!

Krab: Pull together, man!

(They run out the back of the Chum Bucket and book it to the Krusty Krab)

Krabs: ALMOST… THERE!

Plankton: OH NO YOU DONT! (Grabs, grenade, bites pin off and chucks it at them)

Krabs: GRENADE!

Killer Krab: WHAT?

(Krabs has to pick Killer Krab up to stop him from running into the grenade. He carries him into the Krusty Krab and the whole place gets covered in metal)

Plankton: NO! MY FORMULA!

(cut to the inside of the Krusty Krab, where the Kaptain is anxiously awaiting Krabs' return)

Krabs: squire, we got it.

Kaptain: (turns around) you got it?!

Krabs: yep. We got it.

Kaptain: (cheers) WE WON! (into a walkie talkie) REBELS, WE WON! WE GOT THE FORMULA!

(cut to the town where the fight is still raging on, except everyone's walkie talkie go off)

Rebel 1: WE WON! WE GOT THE FORMULA!

(all the rebels cheer)

Plankton: we gotta get outta here. (The plankton side all try and fles, but they get shot down by the Rebels, who are all cheering in delight)

(Cut to the Krusty Krab)

Krabs: i guess now i can go back to my time.

Kaptain: dont forget about any of this, krabs! If you use the knowledge you've obtained, you can stop this war before it even starts!

Krabs: (sadly) aye aye, captain. (Picks up phone) 2020, please.

(A white light flashes and Krabs is gone. The Kaptain sheds a single tear of joy)

(Cut back to present day, where Sandy is building another Telephone Time Machine when suddenly Krabs appears right behind her)

Krabs: hey sandy!

Sandy: AAA! KRABS! I was gonna go get you! Dont EVER steal my inventions again!

Krabs: it was insane, Mrs. Cheeks! I stopped the world from ending in a big war!

Sandy: (slaps Krabs) DONT EVER STEAL MY INVENTIONS AGAIN! YOU HEAR ME?!

Krabs: don't worry, Mrs. Cheeks, I wont ever do it again. Promise. (He walks out, unchains his worm and walks off)

Sandy: hmph. (Notices her phone, picks it up) ive always wanted to see what life was like before the sea critters evolved to build a civilization. (Into phone) 150 BC, please! (A blinding white light flashes and Sandy is nowhere to be seen)

Narrator: (heard running in) oh my god, im so sorry i was late! Traffic was really bad! Uh, so, previously on Lock's SOK (his speech fades as the screen fades to black)