recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
Kripparrian

> "*Are you kidding?! Dude! This guy's deck!*"
> ― Kripp, whenever an opponent plays something
>
>

**Kripparrian or Kripp for short** is the greatest saltlord of all time, and has reached a living meme status among HStoners. Besides a few haters who criticize negativity, Kripp is often seen as the funniest man in HS, losing only perhaps to the unbeatable foe.

Kripp's stream salt is so strong it has generated dozens of chronicles episodes on Youtube, and the salt flow doesn't seem to be slowing down!

## The stream

> "*"Can I play this game without crying?" Nah, dude, it's part of the stream.*"
> ― Kripp to a "fan"
>
>

Kripp's stream consists of a vicious cycle of being sniped, drafting awful cards in Arena and complaining/blaming both for every single loss he suffers. Curiously, neither Kripp nor his fans have ever considered a quick visit to the Salt Thread to dispose of some Sodium Chloride.

When Kripp isn't busy struggling in 1-3 arena runs, he has fun hypocritically talking smack about Hearthstone and dismissing skill as the myth it truly is. This makes him the hero we all need.

## Toast Roast

Recently, in the pro scene, Disguised Toast decided to drop a verse on Kripp's character traits. It was sort of funny, for about two seconds.

## The Game's Most Loyal Player?

While almost every streamer departed from Hearthstone during its darkest hours, Kripp stuck to it to the bitter end. Is it loyalty that keeps him close? The salty bond he forged with the game after hour upon hour of crawling through rigged and snowbally arena matches? The obscene amount of money he spent on a foolish pursuit of a golden collection? We may never know.

The truth, however, is that Kripp stuck with Hearthstone, and that might be the most beautiful thing to ever come out of this game. It goes to show that the harshest critics of a game are often the ones who love it the most, and who will stick with it to the bitter end.
Jades

Remember when this expansion was about crime?

**Jades** are perhaps the most retarded non-aggro mechanic made so far. ~~Inspired~~ stolen from C'Thun decks, Jade decks are supposed to be considered control, even though they clearly can be used in aggro and midrange decks as well, and unlike all those decks, they don't have weaknesses.

It has often been speculated if there are any actual humans playing jade decks, given how dull it is to literally do the same thing every game. Research shows that most jade decks are piloted by failed abortions, which technically makes them not human enough to be considerable.

Like HS's most malign cancers, jades were brought to us by Gadgetzan.

## Mechanics

To say jades have mechanics is an overstatement. The only actual mechanic in the whole archetype is the summoning of these mushy piles of cancer and stats called Jade Golems. Each golem has 1 more health and attack than the last one that was summoned, which means you should quickly turn 1/1s into 6/6s even if, like most HStoners, you don't know how to count.

While in most cases jades are played by shaman or druids, if another class somehow manages to get jade cards, they are most likely bound to win since this mechanic is so balanced.

Now rotated, its three classes are doomed to never get any other proper archetype in Wild, since Jades outclass everything.
C'Thun

> "*Sleeeeeeeeep.*"
> ― C'Thun acknowledges the sort of game that has happened so far.
>
>

It's a jade deck, but all the jades are crammed into an easy to remove 10-mana card!

## Deck Info

### Classes

Priest, Druid, Warrior, everyone else is just a forced archetype

### Core Cards

C'Thun and all his friends, unless you're under very specific circumstances

### Nerfed

No

**C'Thun and his cocksuckers** are basically Jades Open Beta. Introduced in WotOG, it would have earned the 2016 Boring Archetype of the Year award had it not been for the Gadgetzan Mistake. Since Jades exist, there is literally no reason to play C'Thun anymore, and it has become a strong contender for the most fortunately dead archetype in Wild so far, until Jades become dead themselves.

## Strategy

There's nothing new about C'Thun decks. All you have to do is play tempo-friendly cultists. Occasionally, one of them grants a slightly better bonus. You can combo it with Brann if you feel like it (not that it matters much).

Eventually, you will draw C'Thun. When the time is right (or basically turn 10), his battlecry triggers and you probably clear the enemy board at least. If the enemy can't remove it, you win. If they remove it normally, you can shuffle another C'Thun and make the game last even longer. If your C'Thun is transformed, you probably lose.

You could also play Jades, which are exactly the same deck minus one brain cell, and far more powerful.

## How to spread C'Thun's love

If, for some reason, you still want to play this deck, keep this handy guide in mind to build your own original deck.

1. Warrior and Priest don't need heals thanks to synergy cards
2. Brann Bronzebeard is a must
3. OMG Double Doomcaller!
4. Card draw is generally seen as optional
5. No one will notice if you put Yogg instead of C'thun
6. Death Knights are welcome (then again, where aren't they?)
7. The 6 mana 7/6 cultist sucks too much to be played
8. The rest of the deck builds itself

## Things that are better than C'Thun

* C'Thun - balance = Jades
* Mill (if you mill C'Thun)
* Any Priest
* Aggro
* Cubelock
* Transformation effects
* Silences
* Paladin
* Modern Midrange decks
* Patron Warrior
Dusting your Wild cards

**Dusting Wild cards** is the awesome strategy employed by all the cool Standard kids when they are economically challenged. Blizzard approves of this strategy, because they profit at least 3/4 of the Wild dust themselves, while the players mistakenly believe they have achieved a self-sustaining cycle.

## Regrets

As with anything widely divisive about the community, this "tactic" ended up generating hundreds of predictable threads on Hearthpwn about people desperate to leave the repetitive cesspool that is Standard, but now left with no proper cards to go anywhere else. Uninstalling aside, there is no way to revert this, and they will just have to endure the punishment of playing 2 decks maximum for the rest of their days in an inferior game mode.

## So... should I dust or...?

No, you fucking dumbass! Wild is the future 99% of the time. Even the most pretentious fanboy on Hearthpwn ends up playing there eventually, once his collection grows big enough or when Standard inevitably turns to shit for the 3rd time in that year. This, however, will not stop faggots from posting on these threads and claiming they have no regrets after wasting 3/4 of their dust. For the threads, you should redirect them here, for the faggots, you should advise everyone else to perma-ignore them.
Homebrew Decks

**Homebrews** are janky piles of trash disguised as decks. This means they struggle to keep up with actually competitive ones. Players who build their own decks feel entitled to special treatment just because they lose more often than the rest. This means every homebrew deck must first get properly acquainted with the Concede button, before indulging in the traditional 50-loss-streak.

## Behavior

Homebrew decks generate just the right amount of salt for them to be considered a hot topic in the HS community. On one hand, most players who don't netdeck often get rekt by everyone else, and thus fill out the Salt Thread rather quickly.

On the other hand, netdeckers can also lose to homebrews (either because of RNG or because they're shit, curiously it is usually the latter, since even good RNG isn't powerful enough to help these crappy decks), and thus they go apeshit over the unusual occurrence.

One way or another, homebrews help the Salt Thread grow.

If a homebrew happens to be posted on Hearthpwn, then it will probably be showered with downvotes as the baddies who try it get fucked beyond all reason and give up after the second try. These downvotes might be the most valuable thing you can get from Hpwn since it means you've effectively ruined the day of 1 loser per downvote.
Artifact

**Artifact, AKA The CCG Prophet that Never Was** was (and maybe still is) a delusional hope for saltlords everywhere that Hearthstone's days at the top were over. Nowadays, it is just the deadest card game you can find.

By being after Hearthstone's throne, Artifact made the bold choice of being pay-2-play, which made it break records in how few people actually gave enough of a shit to even play it. The fact that it is about DOTA, which is crap even compared to the cesspit that is League of Legends, just sank it even further into the ground.

Just watch for yourself and behold the collective disappointment:

## A prophet, to a different crowd

Needless to say, fanboys rejoiced in Artifact's immediate death as if it was some sort of sign that HS was thriving and meant to last. No matter how far-fetched, there will always be a fantard these days trying to remind everyone that, because Artifact failed, HS is immune to criticism.

Different replies include:

* Dead? Lol, HS isn't Artifact!
* Gwent, ESL, Eternal, Legends of Runeterra, MtGA, TFT and Twitch streamers consistently leaving for those games? Nah man, Artifact's DEAD!
* I remember when Artifact was announced, everyone was saying it would be the end of HS. Look at it now! One of HS's several and increasing competitors bombed! This means they all will!
* So you think HS is trash? Why don't you go play Artifact? Uwu is it because it's dead?!
* So you want a nerf to a cancer that is killing the game I love? Welp, sorry kiddo, Artifact bombed and (even though I never played it) it probably had nerfs! Touché!

Just point out the several competitors of HS that did not die and suggest that Artifact was the freak accident and they will lose their shit. Point out that their eagerness for Artifact to die just shows the fear they feel for HS's well-being, no matter how hard they try to conceal it.
Paladin

**Paladin** is not only a HS class, but also Ben Brode's favorite class. This is the reason why there has never been a proper paladin nerf in history, despite the many times it has been OP, both in constructed and arena. Much like druids, paladins are very flexible as a class, which means they are just asking for a nerf.

## Identity

Since Blizzard hasn't got a clue about what paladins actually do, they've given them tools to do everything:

* Divine shield synergy
* Healing out the ass
* Removal out the ass
* Board clears out the ass
* Weapons
* Anti-control aggro tools
* Anti-aggro control tools
* OTK spells
* Silver Hand Recruit synergy
* Buffs
* Handbuffs
* Secrets
* Murlocs
* Mechs
* The best legendary in the game

Given that most of these did not completely fail, a nerf is bound to happen sooner or later, and not even Ben Brode's divine shield can save them from it.

## The players

Paladin players are not born. Instead, they are shat out. Since whoever took that shit was too busy roping the opponent to flush the toilet, the minimally intelligent shite had enough time to escape certain death and thus join the cancerfest to which it owed its unwanted life. **Note: Paladins aren't necessarily shat out by humans.**

This isn't to say the talking heaps of shit that play paladin are easy to spot outside. In fact, they'd look as human as you and me. The trick is: their humanity is a thin layer of skin covering a walking pile of dried shit. The only way to know if they are shit on the inside is by shooting them. It is really a gamble, as you might kill a respectable human and go to jail if your target wasn't in fact an eboladin. In short, purging these monsters, as appealing as it might be, is impossible.
Flamewreathed Faceless

**Flamewreathed Faceless, better known as the hilarious 4 mana 7/7 meme** is a rotated, boring Shaman card that wins the game as soon as it is able to attack. As shitty as its meme is, the point of it still remains: Blizzard thought it would be okay for Shamans to play a 7/7 body on turn four.

## Strategy

Much like similar broken heaps of stats, all you have to do is play it as soon as you can. If you are able to attack, you will probably win, because most people aren't prepared to deal with that kind of damage so soon. If your enemy removes it in any way, you will now be overloaded, cucked, fucked, and ready to commit suicide.
Aluneth

**Aluneth** was another brilliant idea by Blizzard, this time consisting of removing the one weakness that aggro decks "supposedly" have for mage.

It talks, it draws cards, it is passive-aggressive, it can only be destroyed by your opponent, and it slowly becomes the enemy player's win-condition instead of your own.

## Strategy

There are many things that should never happen once Aluneth enters the battlefield.

* Fast decks get infinite card draw, which is about the last thing Hearthstone needs, with the exception of more murlocs.
* Fast decks reach fatigue. If that is not the sign of something unholy to you, you are probably inbred.
* Mage wields a weapon.
* Most of the enemy player's deck is disregarded and becomes unimportant, since now all they have to do is survive until Aluneth rapes its wielder.
* A player draws cards at the *end* of his turn.

As such, Blizzard is planning to publicly request all Aluneth owners to dust all their copies, so they can effectively remove it from the game.
Netdecking

**Netdecking** is a disease cloaked as a strategy used by baddies who haven't got a solid enough grasp of Hearthstone's intense mechanics to make their own decks. Ironically, these players are quick to blame Blizzard for the staleness of the meta, when in reality, they are the true reason why the game is so shitty in the first place.

## Symptoms

Netdeckers take great pride in copying the work of others to succeed at ~~life~~ Hearthstone. These bland simpletons believe it to be everyone else's duty to make the game entertaining, while they only damage HS's health themselves. They also get overly defensive when confronted with the thoughts of making their own decks. Experts have speculated that this proves they subconsciously know how inferior they are, and try to make up for it by feigning pride.

## Causes

* Unoriginality
* Stupidity
* (Deservingly) Not being loved as a child
* Expansions failing to do anything remotely positive
* Playing Hunter
* Faggotry
* Blizzard and their Forced Netdecking
* Watching too much cuckoldry porn
* Slight or severe mental retardation
* Life-threatening levels of boredom
* Filler cards
* Hearthpwn
* Broken toilet flushers
* Being despised by every Untainted person one knows
* (Allegedly) Being poor
* Getting rekt too often with Homebrews
* Being lazy
* Twitch

## Cures

* Roping
* Getting anyone in real life to like them (which is, quite frankly, near impossible)
* Shitty rigged RNG for two whole weeks
* Reaching Legend with the easiest deck available
* Getting rekt by too many Homebrews
* Being unable to access any browser on any device
* ~~RFRs~~ scratch that, these don't work
Mecha Jaraxxus

Blizzard knew that after a failure like Witchwood, no sane, self-respecting human being would ever preorder an expansion again. That left only the fanboys to eat up whatever they shat, and they couldn't be having that. It was time to bring out the big guns, roll up their sleeves, and offer the players something they did not know they wanted. This made them create **Mecha Motherfucking Jaraxxus**. The catch? You have to pay 80$ to get it, and it most certainly won't ever be available again. It is as clever as fanboy whales are dumb, which means it is ingeniously clever. This makes Mecha Jaraxxus the Jesus Savior of Hearthstone's economy.

## Why it rules

We can give you several reasons why this hero rapes every single other hero in the ass all day.

* He is a fucking cyborg
* You get to brag about it on Hearthpwn (ignore the 80 dollars you just wasted, jealous people will pretend it is a lot of money and tell you about it)
* Eredar voice = badass. Cyborg voice = badass. Combine them both and you get ear rape badassery for both players
* Immune to the unfunny Sacrificial Pact interaction
* Losing to him makes everyone extra butthurt
* **"DESTROY!"**
* You get to make up for having no friends to help you get Nemsy Necrofizzle

## Drama

Oh yes. You bet there was a shitstorm about this on Hearthpwn. With many saltlords and poor people eager to either get the skin or hate on Blizzard, there was soon a thread hating on it and another asking for cheaper ways to obtain Mecha Jaraxxus. This became a magnet for saltlords and fanboys to battle it to the death in two epic flamewars (some of which are still happening). While nobody won, it sure was fun to watch, and everyone involved that survived is glad that it happened.

## See also

* Greed
* Whales
* Preorder
Highlander Decks

**Highlander Decks** were once janky shit nobody but Warlocks wanted to play. When the Cancer Nation attacked, however, they became the only version of control allowed in the game, not because of their late-game, but because the only way to beat cancerous pirates was through an uncounterable full-heal on turn 5 or 6. Jades, who were fucked by pirates, enjoyed free wins vs highlanders, and thus a lovely cyclical meta was born.

Now, however, the passing of time made the archetype mainly obsolete, because none of the core cards are good enough to compete against newer, fresher cancer.

## Strategy

Highlander decks are basically control, except they are less reliable for a chance to insta-win versus aggro. As everyone knows, insta-wins are awesome and definitely worth the hassle of making your deck shittier just for the sake of certain match-ups no one likes.

This logic stops working, however, once Kazakus is brought in the mix. By itself, this dragon-troll breeding abomination made running these jank-fests worth it, by enabling the players to fetch themselves a proper late game potion for 10 mana. With the right deckbuilding skills, players could even get two potions. Sometimes, players even got 5 potions or more!
Pity Timer

The **Pity Timer** is a concept that has generated lots of polemic debates, flamewars and other such crap, particularly whenever preorder kids get hilariously shitty packs.

Allegedly, the pity timer creates a threshold of opened packs for the tremendously unlucky before they finally get their precious filler legendary. After around 40 packs (4000 gold, in other words), you will finally unpack The Beast.

Coincidentally, Blizzard has chosen not to say a word about the pity timer at all.

## Controversy

As with almost everything Hearthstone, the pity timer's existence is comparative to that of a divine entity in real life. Some say it exists, others say it doesn't, and in the end of the day, nobody changes anyone's mind.

A few factions have spewed their incorrect opinions about it.

### Fanboys

"The pity timer exists. It gradually increases your chances of unpacking a legendary until the 40th pack. Blizzard is very generous!"

### Saltlords

"There is no pity timer. You morons just roll the dice so many times you inevitably open a legendary and you find the need to thank Blizzard for it. Retards..."

### Truth

Your odds of opening a legendary don't significantly change until you've opened at least 30 packs. Then, they spike up to 100% until you purchase the 40th one. That means the pity tracker proves it exists while at the same time not affecting the majority of players. Genius!

## See also

* pitytracker.com - where everyone, believers and unbelievers, go to
Kingsbane

Don't you love 1-mana win-conditions?

**Kingsbane** is a rogue weapon so powerful, so stupid, so utterly unthinkable in concept that it generated an archetype by itself. Unsurprisingly, said archetype consists of a rogue player raising the weapon's attack to 14, giving it lifesteal and slamming it against the opponent's face every turn, becoming unkillable while at the same time never running out of steam because the weapon keeps being drawn.

## Strategy

"Me buff dagger! Me throw dagger at taunt before attacking something behind bad taunt! Me use dagger to heal! Me use dagger as board clear! Me am smart! Me am unbeatable!"

There is absolutely no thought process while one plays Kingsbane Rogue. Card draw is a general concern, but Cavern Shinyfinder means you have 3 ways to get the weapon right away (assuming your deckbuilding isn't retarded). With a mulligan and some luck, your weapon starts getting buffs among the first 4 turns, and from then on, you just steamroll.

If your enemy is an aggro player, though, you might as well plunge Kingsbane up your own ass, and then into your heart. You just won't win!
Big Priest

"It won't suck itself, Anduin."

**Big Cancer Priest, Scourge of Wild, "I literally cannot stop sucking cocks" the deck** is, quite literally, the epitome of how Hearthstone is meant to be played. Throughout every match, no player's decisions matter, no skill is involved, ~~RNG reigns supreme and draws don't mean shit.~~ Now, not even RNG can dictate the cunts victory, as they are now able to reliably rezz AN ENTIRE BOARD'S worth of high-health taunts with deathrattles that clear out boards and give them armor.

If someone unironically thinks that Blizzard gives two shits about wild, point them to this deck... right before pointing them to Baku, Genn, Sire SUCC with Gram Patrons and defile, mill rouge, mill priest, and whatever the fuck blizzard was smoking when they made demon hunter with Baku still lurking around.

## How to win against Big Priest

* Smorc them (if you are lucky and they draw no heals)
* Play Big Priest too (and be luckier than them)
* Pray that they are unlucky and ressurrect Barnes
* Run 4 Transform effects (if you are lucky and draw them)
* Play this. It works! (if you are lucky)
* Even Shaman
* Roping
* Summon minions for your enemy (if they are unlucky with their ressurrections)
Free2Play

> "*No.*"
> ― A F2Player's mother after her son asked for her credit card.
>
>

**Free2Play or F2P** is the choice of not spending a single cent on the soul-consuming addiction that is Hearthstone. While at first seeming like the right choice given Blizzard's sloppy handling of the game, the F2P crowd proves time and time again to be the most cancerous and entitled of players, and thus being worth no consideration at all.

It should be noted that F2P is technically a myth, since Hearthstone ends up consuming your soul regardless of whether or not you sacrifice your economical power to Blizzard.

## Behavior

F2P players find the need to regularly point out that they don't spend money on Hearthstone, dumbly believing that this makes them somehow superior to everyone else. In reality, they are either poor as dirt or their parents are responsible enough to know that money dumped on Hearthstone is a waste.

These players also believe themselves to be excused from playing only the greatest cancers that HS calls decks, using their low budget as a reason for their lack of inovation.

Luckily, our beloved Blizzard keeps upping the paywall, slowly killing off most of these morons as the game gets more and more expensive and impossible to keep up with without handing over any money.
Children

> "*Hello children!*"
> ― Professor George Herbert Doyle IV addressing the Hearthstone community
>
>

**Children** are the offspring of humans and the primary consumers of HS's content. These days, one is physically a child from their first year of age until they are 12. Mentally, however, there is no age limit to stop being a child, and these are the children that the HS playerbase is mainly made of.

Occasionally, children devolve into angsty teenagers who are somehow twice as cringy, and yet retaining all of their stupidity. Most still do not quit HS by then.

If you've ever wondered why Hearthstone is so colorful, simple, cartoony, and caters to the dumbest people possible, then here's the answer.
Mill

"I am cancer incarnate!"

**COLDLIGHT ORACLE HAS ROTATED OUT! MILLFAGS WILL PROBABLY KILL THEMSELVES NOW!**

**Mill** is the Wild archetype for cunts who hate Hearthstone enough to despise most of its mechanics, but still can't manage to quit because they're garbage people. Blizzard has done a good job keeping this cancerous abomination at bay on the bottom of the tier list, but lately they've been slipping up.

There might be a link to playing Mill decks and being a pedophile, which was why Blizzard dumped the whole archetype in the garbage. As such, most fatty control decks in Wild are actually FBI agents ready to track down cunts that should not be alive right now.

## Strategy

Force your opponent to draw too many cards and get to fatigue before you do. Asides from fatigue being the least exciting mechanic in the game, the randomness of draws deciding whether you help your opponent draw a win condition or burn it and the matchmaking itself, the deck is purely skill.

Rogues and druids are the biggest offenders, but warriors have recently joined the party of sick fucks that no one will miss once they are inevitably murdered by rats (or slightly smellier HStoners) in their basement .

Recently, N'Zoth has been added to a few mill decks in an effort to push the cancer to a whole new level. This is, overall, pointless, since N'Zoth only boosts your winrate against autowin matchups anyway.

It should be noted that aggro, flawed as it may be, rapes these decks in the ass regardless of RNG. Combo might win if the draws are lucky. Control always loses. Concede accordingly.

As a mill player, you should also know that your starting hand determines how badly you are to be raped too. If your drawing engines are not there, you will lose, even if you are against control. As such, most of the deck is about conceding when the match isn't good, like the little bitch you are.

## See also

* Control - Their only winnable matchup
* Aggro - A cancer that cures another cancer
* Concede - What most players do just to avoid the misery of facing mill altogether
* RNG - Very much essential to the whole archetype
Noxious

**Noxious** is a Canadian pro player who prefers to use janky decks than stuff that actually wins games. As with anyone who tries to have fun with experimentation in Hearthstone, he ended up figuring out that it is far better to not play and let someone else go through it all, which means he ended up becoming a commentator.

Be it C'Thun Hunter, Malygos Anything or an actually fun use of Shudderwock, Nox has done it and seen it all, usually before conceding. Additionally, Noxious has reached Legend, in order to prove himself as worthy to all the faggots that watch pros. In a true saltlord-esque fashion, he admitted he hated all his climbs, shattering the hearts of many fanboys watching.

## Professor Nox

Like a true player of homebrew decks, Noxious sees himself as a mad-ish scientist that is toying with great, powerful and dangerous things. In fact (and this applies to everyone that plays with homebrews) he is just chuckling to himself and playing with something far less interesting. Illusions aside, Professor Nox is a persona that is meant to portray the spirit of the janky experimenter in HS, with the only discrepancy being that Professor Nox is not dead.
Mage

**Mage** is a false class designed purely so Blizzard can continuously fuck over arena until no more players bother with the mode. Besides being vaguely linked with magic, mage as a class lacks anything particularly remarkable as far as identity goes. Gameplay-wise, mages are piles of broken cards that should have never been designed.

## Identity

As stated above, mages lack an actual identity so Blizzard can keep pushing arena-breaking cards into the same class and slowly kill the mode. However, people have been noticing some patterns in which Blizzard boosts mage's power:

* Giving them cheap random spell generators
* Giving them ways to cheat in terms of tempo
* Giving them costless, well-stated battlecry minions
* Designing tempo-friendly elementals
* Letting them clear the board more and more easily
* Blatantly handing them the best mechs
* Allowing them to break the basic turn rules
* Letting them deal infinite damage

Knowing they exist to fuck over arena, the reason for mages to exist in constructed is unknown. What is known, however, is that the world would have been a better place if they didn't exist at all, and Blizzard is to blame for this massive fuck-up.

## The players

The average mage player grew up shoving centipedes up his own nose, if not really the ass, thanks to constant neglect from parents who knew better than to waste time on a bag of shite. This made them the incredibly fucked up and socially incapable manchildren that we see today, who probably jack off to MLP while roping their foes.

In reality, mage players are more dependant on Hearthstone than the rest of us, because they know of the abhorrent creatures they've become. Take this drug away from them and they will certainly become school shooters or rapists within a second, if they aren't already. As such, most players and Ben Brode agree that anything short of the electric chair is being too kind for these bastards, and are currently cooperating to see a fair genocide happen in the near future..
Constructed

**Constructed** is the hell-hole where players are exposed to each other's unbridled, predictable cancers and where variance is an alien concept. Unlike Arena, where the experience is miserable in several different ways, in constructed players are expected to play the same match-ups over and over and over again without ever getting tired.

## What to expect

When the HS community is given the freedom to pick any card in their collection at all, the result can only be ever so catastrophic. While the meta keeps changing and never improving, there is a small set of rules that will always apply:

* 2 or 3 classes will be 90% of your matchups
* 1 class will never be played because it sucks
* A neutral card will get spammed until it gets nerfed (sometimes more)
* You will end up completing your quests and leaving as soon as you can until the next expansion comes out
* Occasionally a homebrew will play and get rekt, leaving the game for the whole week
* Cancer. Lots of it
Playtesting

**Playtesting** is another dubious concept introduced by Blizzard in order to justify their idleness during 95% of the year instead of properly balancing the game.

In theory, playtesting is supposed to prevent nerfs by having the devs play their unreleased cards and therefore see what balance issues new cards might have. In reality, however, what we get is a bunch of chuckling manchildren fiddling with janky shit, completely missing whatever cancer is going to fuck up the meta next.
Flamewaker

**Flamewanker** is not only the only reason to waste 700 gold in the last wing of Blackrock Mountain, but also the cancerous cornerstone of deckbuilding for Mage degenerates when they are not busy eating their own smegma.

With the Coin and some Arcane Missiles, it will probably clear the whole board or deal enough face damage to leave anyone within range of a couple fireballs.

## Strategy

Play this and play spells on the same turn. Regardless of the spells you play, this card will clear the enemy board, leaving them unable to clear it, while you are able to gun down the minions they keep hopelessly playing.

Priests will probably steal Flamewaker one way or another, leaving you only one option afterwards. It's sad that it has to come to this, but you must stay strong.

You can also put him in any Tavern Brawl that allows Wild cards. Doing so will instantly ruin all fun to be had from the mode for both players, which is the only goal of any cunt anyway.
Beasts

> "*Big, fat, ugly-statted, filler beasts, baby!"*"
> ― Morkimus, on Hearthpwn's speculation about Un'Goro[[source]]
>
>

> "*Isn't that pretty much every beast card ever released?*"
> ― Paeter27, replying to Morkimus[[source]]
>
>

**Beasts or the Filler Tribe** *(not to be confused with HStoners)*are ugly stat-piles that are added every expansion as neutral cards. They are one of the smallest threats to design space in the game, both because of their ridiculously immense number, and because the two classes that actually have beast synergy would rather play something else.

## Strategy

Since beasts are such a huge pool of badness and shit, it is impossible to associate them with a playstyle. Some are big, some are small, most are unplayable garbage.

Good beasts, however, can often be found as Hunter class cards and shockingly all seem related to going face. Druid also has some midrange-oriented beast synergy.

## Counter

While no one in their right mind would consider teching up against something as vague and weak as beasts, that did not stop Blizzard from creating a tech card that matches the beasts' most notorious elements.

Presenting Hemet Nesingwary! Poorly statted, powercreeped and usually more expensive than whatever beast he'd kill, this gnome is supposed to be our shield if beasts ever become a broken tribe.
Overload

In the old days, whenever Blizzard felt like dumping shitty cards on the anus of a class that Shaman is, they would do it through **overload**. However, newer events have brought a shift in the wind, and now overload is instead used to print ridiculously overpowered cards.

## What it does

Overload lets you play cards with higher value than the mana you are spending. Much like a loan from the bank, it ends up biting you in the ass later, when your mana gets locked and you truly feel the awfully underwhelming sensation that is playing with the Shaman signature mechanic. Aware of this, Blizzard has also given the class ways to bypass the restrictions, which means they can now just play good shit for cheap with no drawbacks. Note that one way or another this still doesn't require half as much forethought or skill as Shaman fags like to claim.
Hadronox

Here we see what Hadronox enables these days, and a Priest rightfully roping a retard

## Other info

### Nerfed

TBA

**Hadronox** was a boring, underwhelming, filler beast legendary for Druid during KoFT. With the Witchwood (and the fact that druid as a class only became more overpowered as time passed), it finally found its place in the meta. Surprising no one, that place is in a cancerous pedestal of its own.

## Strategy

Play taunts as druid (which you would anyway since the only archetype that might fuck you over is aggro). Late game, drop Hadronox and Naturalize for 10 mana, filling your board with resurrected taunts.

If your opponent's deck is strong enough to power through them all, use Witching Hour (it's probably one of the few Witchwood cards you didn't dust) to bring back the spider, and try to kill it off again. ~~Repeat at least once more.~~ Nevermind the enemy conceded.

If you are greedy and playing in Wild, you can also use N'Zoth for one extra Hadronox, and thus another win-condition. The cancer levels are so high at this point that you will probably throw up on your own keyboard by now. Good luck.

## See also

* Deathrattle
* Taunt
* Beasts
* N'Zoth
* Boring
* Netdecking
Cancer

*Not to be confused with Mean Streets of Gadgetzan*

**Cancer, Ebola, AIDS, diabeetus, scurvy or EbolAIDS** is the internet-approved way to measure how retardedly powerful something is, **especially** in HS. The more cancerous the card/deck, the more likely the cunts and unaborted morons in the community will pick it up.

## The controversy

As with anything else internet-related, there is a great bit of problematization of the word, especially if one's fragile feelings are hurt by harsh criticism to the game they love. These "people" feign disgust and offence through many varied methods. Examples include:

"That's not funny. My [insert parent/friend/pet here] died from that."

"How dare you compare a terrible disease to a card/deck/archetype?"

"I don't care if the word can be used to describe invariably malign concepts, you still can't use it for HS."

## See also

* MSoG
* Aggro
* Murlocs
* Pirates
* Mage
* Mill
* Patches
* Hearthstone
Magic the Gathering: Arena

**Magic the Gathering: Arena, or MtGA for short** is the admission from WotC that they want in on the juicy profits that Hearthstone has generated. Unfortunately for them, it takes more than being the best card game in the world to be a proper online card game. Two essential components have been Blizzard's advantage since forever, and thus things seem to stay.

## MtGA's failures so far

* Having a meta more stale and predictable than HS's (which is a huge achievement as far as failure goes)
* Being obviously P2W
* Still having no fix to mana-screw and mana-flood
* Taking no advantage whatsoever from the digital platform the game is played in
* Lacking flavor and trying to be edgy to compensate for it
* Appealing essentially to players who already spent all their life savings on Magic anyway, and thus making very little progress by itself

This is obviously a contender that will kill Hearthstone.
Hearthstone

> "*3 as a PC game 7.5 as a phone game*"
> ― Poodris, rating Hearthstone in Hearthpwn[[source]]
>
>

**Hearthstone~~: Heroes of Warcraft~~** is a video game created by Blizzard Entertainment as an experiment to see whether or not a "Free2Play" model was profitable. As it expectedly turned out, players were more than willing to spend money regardless of the model, and Blizzard continued its long tradition of profitting consistently and regardless of all other factors.

Arguably the best thing to have come out of it all is Hearthstun itself, but some people would beg to differ.

## Gameplay

All games are 1v1 battles of 30-card decks, and the objective is to reduce your opponent's health to zero, which often means vomitting all your cards before they have a chance to react. Games are generally decided by a series of RNG coin flips, with skill being unimportant.

The four main archetypes are as follows, although very few players can actually tell the difference these days:

* Aggro - The deck for fast wins and losses alike. Stereotypically brainless since Hunters play it the most
* Midrange - The vague concept/deck for bullshitty snowballing that either results in fast wins or an ultimate stomp after losing tempo
* Control - The deck for snobby twats that think aggro is degenerate when the only difference with control is that you vomit removal instead of minions.
* Combo - The deck for people who realize the only way to enjoy Hearthstone is by completely ignoring the opponent. Generally, these are the first decks Blizzard sends to hell.

## Issues

As per any online game, the community of Hearthstone is composed of entitled children. This, however, does not strip them of reason about many of their complaints, such as:

* No auto-squelch feature
* Slow delivery of the nerf hammer
* Rotations
* Netdecking
* The fact that some people consider themselves skilled in this game and are thus insulted by RNG existing (the issue being these people, not RNG itself)

## Competition

Many companies, upon noticing Hearthstone's effort/success ratio decided to try to rip it off and earn some of those sweet cattle-like money dumpers and fierce defenders. As far as Blizzard obviously lets us know, no other game has beaten them yet. However, recent acts of generosity hint that HS's empire is not invincible.

## See also

* RNG
* Classes
* Blizzard
* Eternal
* Elder Scrolls: Legends
Classes

**Classes** are the only restriction to which HS cards you can play each game. Blizzard has claimed multiple times that they'd like the classes to have identities of their own, but over time it has been proven that each class's players are willing to ditch whatever bogus identity they have if that means being S-Tier until the nerfhammer hits.

Tradition demands that there must always be at least one unplayable class per expansion.

Blizzard has also stated multiple times with increasing desperation that no more classes shall be added into the game, but that will never stop retards on Hearthpwn from asking about it.

## The ~~9~~ 10 Classes

* Druid
* Demon Hunter
* Hunter
* Paladin
* Priest
* Mage
* Rogue
* Shaman
* Warlock
* Warrior
Filler Cards

**Filler or filler cards** are the unavoidable 80% of the cards in every expansion which are unplayable, horridly boring or mere powercreeps on the basic set that still suck too much to see play. Sometimes, filler cards are all three at once.

Most self-respecting players despise blatant filler cards since they will pollute packs and make them be worth less, thus enabling Blizzard to rob them blind once more. However, a new excuse has recently gained shape and is now parroted by a select few.

It is a well-known fact that no one plays filler cards. Even Blizzard skips playtesting them.

For predictions and attempted preventions about this trash, check here.

## The excuse

Upon witnessing people talk trash about their god, fans of this game were quick to jump in to Blizzard's defense in order to right this wrong. In this case, the bullshitting was so lightning-fast that Hearthpwn was quickly fooled into believing in it as a fact.

*"Blizzard needs to create these dull, boring, unplayable cards for arena, to dilute draft results."*

Of course, it takes a rational human being about 2 seconds to tear this apart. However, since this is Hearthstone we are talking about, we'll do it for you. Bad, yet interesting cards would dillute the results just as well, all without making anyone die of boredom. Instead, Blizzard prefers to combine different stats into different mana costs and calls it a day.

After this started to fail, bullshitters turned towards another even weaker improvised lie.

*"It might become viable later!"*

Which can be disproven since no one, not even Blizzard, would think about putting cards so shitty into their decks in the first place.
Bonemare

> "***\*AUTISTIC SCREECHING\****"
> ― Bonemare trying to mimic its players
>
>

Imagine yourself back in 2017's summer. Imagine yourself imagining that your life back then was worth living. You probably thought of friends and hot chicks. Of course, eventually, you came back to the horrible reality we all live in. Upon this realization, you opened Hearthstone, and decided to comfort yourself by putting **Bonemare** in your deck, along with other broken KoFT neutrals.

Given that all HStoners felt like doing this, the game became exceptionally boring, so much that Blizzard decided to thankfully send this horse to the slaughterhouse.

## Strategy

Whoever draws their Bonemare first wins! If you drew yours secondly, you will need to trade your buffed minion into the enemy buffed minion, while the other probably went face and thus earned your opponent a huge advantage.

You could also silence the enemy minion Bonemare buffed, but that would mean you did not use your turn 7+ to play a Bonemare, and thus you were going to lose.

Now, however, Bonemare costs 8, and the only time we get to see this foul abomination of card design is when a Shaman or a Priest get deservingly unlucky, and we can all laugh at yet another monster slain by the nerf-hammer. Have fun looking for your next retarded neutral card, kiddo.
Hearthstone Renaissance

So, Blizzard has been known for massively fucking things up in Hearthstone, either because of laziness, greed or just because they see its playerbase as a bunch of children who don't know better (which is, effectively, true). However, after a spectacularly bad year that sucked beyond what anyone thought was possible, there was a shift in the wind.

Some say it was because Blizzard suddenly had a change of heart, and decided to do the right thing by giving their customers something decent. Others suggest it might have been because 2018 made half the money they made in 2017, Ben Brode and several others quit, and the game's decline was no longer deniable. Regardless, what ended up happening in 2019 was the **Hearthstone Renaissance**, a short-lived era where saltlords were appeased and fanboys could lower their zealous shields for a change.

## Things HS had going for it

* Baku and Genn were rotated and finally maligned by the community as the cancers they were. It *could* have been a nerf, but their fall from grace in Wild has sufficed minimally.
* Blizzard finally decided to create some sort of storyline in-game, manifesting itself in the Year of the Dragon's expansions.
* Even though it was because of its decay, the game had finally lost several unfunny, boring or otherwise undesirable streamers with its shittiness.
* Death Knights were no more!
* Rotations were acknowledged as a stupid idea for arena and Blizzard brought shit like MSoG back to it. While arena didn't magically become good, it became less shitty.
* Dalaran Heist brought adventures back (sort of)
* The stupid idea of fighting powercreep with filler cards died in 2018, meaning Rise of Shadows brought us decent cards again, being the first proper expansion in over a year
* Discover was finally nerfed
* Battlegrounds brought some fresh air to the game
* The scheduling became overall much better for the game's sake, and content droughts became less of an issue
Jade Idol

> "*#FireMikeDonais*"
> ― TwentyOneBeers's signature on Hearthpwn. It should have a link to this card.
>
>

## Jade Idol

The one time where the community actually managed to predict a card's powerlevel right

## Other info

### Nerfed

We got a shitty tech card to stop it

**Jade Idol** is a fat fucking mistake that Mike Donais actually did out of unwarranted self-importance rather than a desire to make the game better. It should come as no suprise to know that the Gadgetzan Mistake also gave birth to this travesty.

## Strategy

If you are retarded (which you probably are if you are playing jade druid), you will shuffle on turn 1, and then you will lose because chances are you will get worthless draws while the enemy smorcs you down.

If you have a single working brain cell (which sometimes is needed to pilot the deck), you will either use the first idol to summon a jade early, or you will hold on to it until your jades are actually worth drawing.

If your enemy drops a Skulking Geist, you need but two steps to make the world a better place.
Cobalt Scalebane

Yawn...

**Cobalt Skillbane** is an overweight, underwhelming dragon that became yet another neutral auto-include during the horrible days of Knights of the Frozen Throne. The community deemed him a "sleeper" card.

## Strategy

You play this as long as you have other minions on board, thus getting a perfectly statted dragon, as well as another minion that is now a much bigger threat thanks to the +3 attack that it just got.

Playing this on an empty board is a sign that you are clearly losing, and you should concede right away. If you are feeling extra generous, you could take the next step too. We will all remember your kindness for it.

## See also:

* Midrange
* Boring
* Bonemare
* Saronite Chain Gang
* Fungalmancer
* KoFT
* Dragons
Demons

**Demons** are basically beasts for warlocks only. Like beasts, they are great cards to make filler from and, even better, their usual downsides can be so varied it allows Blizzard to force as many archetypes as they feel like it is necessary to make the game more fun. Usually, demons will deal damage to their owner, but they can also discard cards or just be shitty for the sake of being shitty.

Unfortunately, it has recently crossed their minds to make it possible to play the good half of the demon card pool without paying either the mana cost or the downside cost. As with all their ideas, Blizzard tackled this with great enthusiasm.

## Strategy?

Unless you are a Cubelock cunt, the demon tribe means little to nothing to you. You will play demons because their stats are good, or because they have some bullshit effect you will benefit from. There is a very niche zoo deck in Wild that might put demons to use thanks to their tribe.

## Counter?

As a warlock-only thing, it figures Blizzard would release a warlock-only solution. The solution is Sacrificial Pact, an unplayable 0-mana spell that kills any demon and restores 5 health. It is possible to kill Lord Jaraxxus with it, which was the only noteworthy use of this lame basic card as a tech.