Destitute Children Collective

Struggling financially? Can’t afford to feed more mouths than your own? Addicted to drugs or alcohol? Don’t think you’re going to be able to raise a child safely in your current state? Aren’t ready yet to be a parent? Well, I have a solution for you.

Just call 1-800-DCFarm and we’re going to take care of your little problem. We at the Destitute Children Collective promise you an easy fix to your Child-like problems. They eagerly accepted any and all unwanted children into the fold. We’ll take good care of them. If you are concerned your children might end up lost and resentful later on in life that you’ve abandoned them at an orphanage, don’t you worry. We’ve got you covered.

They’ll never be able to find you. Hundred percent guarantee, and if they do, we’ll pay you extra for the inconvenience!

We’ll give your unwanted children a new purpose in life; they will become reborn in our care. From model laborers to efficient little murder machines in the Congo. We have plans to make their lives better when you’re unable to.

Believe us, believe me. My name is Joe Deddigh and before I started working at the DCC, I was just like you! I’ve had a child problem of my own. My sunshine and I were madly in love when we were young and ended up conceiving a child. Passions burned brightly, and we kept the baby. By the time it was born, we had realized we couldn’t keep it because we could barely feed ourselves, let alone feed a growing child. We didn’t have a place to properly raise it, either. We were at a loss. Our love had almost turned into a hatred of sorts and then, she found out about the DCC, and it was our saving grace.

We gave our boy to the farm, and his life was saved. He was reborn, reshaped, remade and we, in turn, had a fortune, compensated by the Collective. We were able to start a new life thanks to our child, and our love was reignited. Gone were the days of sleeping in a shit-stained trailer. We bought a mansion and had four other children since. Not to mention something great became of our little boy. He had saved the lives of many a starving dog, and what remained of him became the leather on the couch in my office. Ensuring I will be forever enveloped, enthroned in his warmth and love.

Not to mention we are planning to send our youngest to the farm. She’s become a little too rebellious and rowdy for our liking. Maybe a little drilling will get it through her thick skull to be a bit more thankful for what she’s got.

Ever since then, I’ve decided that the DCC shall be my purpose in life. It had made me want to save others as it had saved me. It implanted a burning desire within my heart to save all the destitute children of this world. A dream to make them into something greater than just husks driven by a survival instinct or traumatic dread.

There are better outcomes than turning your kid into a wreck afraid of its own shadow because you couldn’t raise it right. The DCC is here to offer you better alternatives, like turning your mistakes into gourmet dinners at the tables of the cannibalistic overlords of society. Who wouldn’t want that for their kids?! The epitome of success!

We at the DCC can hundred percent guarantee that your unwanted children will have a better life without you. Call 1-800-DCFarm today to secure a better future for your offspring and finance your own addictions and neglected dreams!

Call 1-800-DCFarm now and turn your worst nightmares into your biggest opportunities!