River

“*Hi I’m dad.*”

-River saying he is dad.

## Personality

River is a good-hearted fella who loves his kids. For the most part, he’s rather brave and puts himself in harm’s way for his kids. The only time he really breaks away from this bravery is when he meets Tsar Momba. He likes to be there for his kids and tries to fix any conflicts between people as quick as possible. River is extremely protective of those he considers a son or friend.

But as it would turn out, this was a **fake version** made by azathoth. However, the real River was quite similar, with the main difference being he was a lot more cowardly and scared.

## Appearance

River is a figure in a gray coat. The upper half of the coat is blue, with a yellow diamond in b and gray. He wears light gray gloves and has brown boots. His left eye is Orange while his right eye is cyan. What’s underneath the cloak? Gonna save that surprise for later.

## Backstory

River was some random lad who came from [insert parents here]. He lived a fairly normal life, playing in the baseball team at [insert school name here] (yes, that’s the school’s actual name). He went to school with Milf Bilf, who simped for him big time. No matter how many times he said he just wanted to be friends, she kept tryna get with him. Well, after graduating from [insert school name here], he took up a humble career of fishing. This earned him millions cause no one was smart enough to actually try fishing.

Years later, River eventually got a girlfriend named Random Skelelady. Gee, what good names! Well, shit hit the fan once Nebubitch found out. She suddenly remembered how much she loved River, so out of love for him, she **murdered his girlfriend and ended his career in fishing so she would have to be with her.** What love! They tried having their first kid, but it didn’t work out. Space Mommy just threw the dead fetus into the antivoid, where it would later become 💯. After that they tried again and successfully had two kids together. These two kids were Adam and Billy, who were both skeletons somehow despite the astral mother being a weird pink lady.

For some reason after these two were born, Stellar Slut wanted River dead. Since she was literally the queen, she ordered for her guards to arrest and kill him. But River was too fast for them and blasted off in his Dababy car. River was forced to live in some random apartment building in space. He tried to call Quinya to speak to his kids, but the Space Mommy blocked his number from everyone’s phones. His letters were burned upon interception. And he wouldn’t dare trying to visit, cause the guards got better at their job since he left. So he just fished. And fished. And fished some more. Until he was at peace with himself.

After the destruction of Betatale, River went to rescue his son, Billy Mays, from a crowd of Ugandan Knuckles. Errrrr404 refused to speak to him cause he was petty, yet Papaya182 was willing to speak. After hearing the atrocities Milf Bilf committed and who and what HAM was, he swore to take Billy, Adam, and their adoptive brothers under his own care. River from then on went along with Billy and his crew to restore Betatale, protecting his kids with his obligatory dad shotgun.

PLOT TWIST, this lad was fake. Him, Adam, and Cha cha were just illusions made by Azathoth. Or well, they were more of just fake bodies that he allowed Adam, Cha cha, and him to use. He’d later poof these bodies, proving his dominance and scaring the fuck out of Will. Why? Idk, Azathoth just wanted to mess around with Billy. Billy would find the real River in a random planet full of fish during season 2. What happens next is still in development.

## Abilities

### Les Goooo

River has Dababy car. Need I say anymore?

### Dad Can fix it

River can fix anything due to his super dad powers.

### The Belt

You made him count to 3. Now you’re gonna get hit by the belt.

### Fists of Fury

If you piss off River, expect to receive a flaming punch to the face.

### THE BFG 10000

After getting a smash ball, River can literally summon the BFG 10000 and shoot a hole through Mars.

## Relationships

### The Space Mommy

This is River’s insane ex. They had two kids together: Willy Wonka and Billy Mays. At first, Nebubitch was just an annoyance to River. But after she became the queen, she was a major pain. After she killed his girlfriend, he absolutely hated her. This hate only intensified after she tried to have him executed.

### Billy Mays / Errrrr404

Billy Mays is the son of River. River never got to see Billy all that much when he was Billy. River always wanted to see his kids though, and only got his info from people who left Earth. After Billy became Errrrrr404. River finally found him and rescued him. At first, Billy didn’t like River. After River finally started being a dad for Willy, a strong bond was formed. They played catch, started fixing shit together, and went fishing. Billy started acting less and less fatherless after meeting his dad.

### Adam Sandler

Adam Sandler is the son of River. River never got to see Adam that much. River only got to see River and Billy when they were babies. But shortly after their birth, Nebubitch tried to have him executed, so he had to zing off. River tried to contact his kids, but never could. After Betatale was destroyed, River managed to meet Adam later on and even rescued him. A strong bond was instantly formed afterward. How wholesome.

### 💯

💯 is the miscarriage child of River and Tsar Momba. River first met 💯 in the Antivoid during his speedrun to bring back Harrus. He had no idea what 💯really was and tried to do a mercy kill on him. After getting the book, he left. 💯 was “TO DETURMIND TWO DIE!!1!” so he lived on. After River inevitably discovered what 💯 was later, he felt like shit and tried to form a father-son bond with. He quickly found out how impossible this would be due to 💯 literally being a maniacal, evil mastermind.

### Dekios / Papaya182

Dekios is one of the adoptive kids of Space Mommy that River took under his wing. River never got to meet Dekios until he became Papaya182. River and Dekios quickly became pals and fished a lot. Fishing trips with River are life changing.

### Harrus

Harrus is one of the adoptive kids of Space Mommy that River took under his wing. He and Harrus usually just hung out and dished together. They were pals.

### Jasús / HAM / DEENUTZ

Jasús is one of the adoptive kids of Space Mommy that River took under his wing. River never got to meet Jasús until he was already HAM. He felt bad for HAM, knowing what he’d been through, but knew he had to defeat him to get him back to normal. After HAM was inevitably defeated, he became DEENUTZ, who River treated like his own son.

### King Funnyverse

King Funnyverse is supposedly the grandson of River. After finding out he was his grandson, River spoiled Funnyverse and always took him to do fun shit.

### Chacha

Chacha is the wife of Errrrr404. River felt bad for Chacha not only cause her life sucked, but because her son, Billy, was simping for her back when he was uncool.

## Trivia

* River likes dogs.
* River likes hunting just as much as he likes fishing.