Metroid: Other M

In space, nobody can hear you flirt

> Do you spend all of your time Whiteknighting Sakamoto? Check out the Pro-Other M Article.
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**Metroid: Other M** is the horrid fusion of overused sci-fi horror cliches, dialogue lost in translation, bad characterization, plot Copy-Pasted from Metroid Fusion, and blatant sexism. Put it all together and you create the abomination that is Metroid: Other M. It absolutely Tanked at the Box Office, and all it earned was the hatred of all self-respecting Metroid fans. This was all intended. In fact, it was made by the Space Pirates to mock and humiliate two of their worst foes: Scumbag Adam and Samus.

## Plot

The game begins with a dream recounting the climax of Sooper Metroid, where Samus battles against Mother Brain and watches THE BABY die. After giving a mission report, Samus departs for space. Weeks later, she picks up a Baby's Cry distress signal from the derelict BOTTLED SHIT.

Soon after landing on the seemingly deserted BOTTLED SHIT, Samus encounters the Galatactic Federation 07th Platoon, and is greeted by Anthony Higgs, a kid who sat behind her in 3rd grade. Leading them is Scumbag Adam, her former commanding officer and constant bother. Scumbag Adam refuses to divulge why they are on the station, but Samus decides to stay on board for the sake of the platoon. The team discovers the body of a Lab Worker, and are soon attacked by a collective mass of purple insects. Samus and the platoon use THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP to take it down.

Scumbag Adam allows Samus to cooperate in their mission, under the condition that she doesn't move until he says so, or fires until he says so. Scumbag Adam slightly shows his Control Issues and his fear of independent women. He orders Samus to find the Exam Center in Sector 1. On her journey through the tropical area, she encounters Furby Ridley, who gives her the stank eyes.

Samus later reaches the Exam Center, and catches James Pierce looking at Samus Fanart. The rest of the platoon then arrives, although Lyle Smithsonian is missing. Investigating, Samus discovers the cybernetic body of a Space Pirate with the Galatactic Federation insignia on its chest. The platoon discovers that the purpose of the BOTTLED SHIT was to conduct research on bioweapons, a practice that is illegal within the Federation.

Outside, the Platoon is attacked outside by a large lizard-like creature, who viciously attacks Samus when she comes to assist them. After being wounded by Anthony Higgs' Plasma Gun, the creature flees. The group discovers the bodies of [DISPOSABLE SOLDIER NAME HERE] and the skin of the creature Samus encountered, "Little Birdie". She is ordered to follow the lizard creature.

Midway into her search for the Mystery Creature in Sector 3, Samus is redirected to the Icy Sector 2 to search for survivors. While there, she discovers the body of [DISPOSABLE SOLDIER NAME HERE] and spots a animu teen in the Materials Storehouse, who flees. Samus gives chase and tries to talk the woman down. The woman refuses to cooperate, fearful that Samus is here to silence her, and implies that [DISPOSABLE SOLDIER NAME HERE] was killed by a fellow soldier. The two are then attacked by a soldier wearing a Galatactic Federation Power Suit driving an RB176 Ferrocrusher, and the woman is separated from Samus. Samus destroys the machine, but the operator escapes.

Returning to Sector 3, Samus concludes that there is an Impostor among the 07th Platoon, and nicknames him "the BALEETER" until she learns his true identity. Back in Sector 3, Samus encounters Anthony. Parting from Anthony, Samus continues until she finds the empty husk of the lizard creature. She then is attack by a giant whale creature, and has to run through a superheated room with no Varia suit, then only gets it when fighting this tentacle monster. She then fights the whale once more, and continues on her love adventure.

Samus enters the dimly lit Geothermal Power Plant and reunites with Anthony. The monster, now winged, ambushes them. To her horror, the creature is revealed to be none other than her nemesis Ridley (dun Dun DUUUNNNNN!). Her power suit then dies in Infinity War, and she then does a Princess Peach imitation, and needs Anthony to Save her. Ridley is attacked with the power of chivalry, but then just BALEETS him. Samus is sad, and then fights ridley once more.

Leaving the Pyrosphere, Samus realizes she cannot contact Scumbag Adam, and fears that the BALEETER has killed her husbando. She then spots one of her comrades entering Sector 1. Samus pursues him to the Bioweapon Research Center, where she instead finds the young woman again. After calming down, the woman introduces herself as Madeline Bergman. She reveals that the Federation was tryna rip off the original Space Pirates.

Madeline reveals more; the scientists were propagating Metoids as well, cloned from remains of the baby found on Samus's Power Suit after her return from Zeebees. They unknowingly recreated Ridley as well. Madeline also reveals that an AI named "MB", modelled after Mother Brain, had been created for the purpose of controlling the Metoids. MB and the Metoids were stored in Sector Zero. Samus leaves for Sector Zero. Afterward, Madeline is approached by the BALEETER, who shoots her.

Arriving at the entrance to Sector Zero, Samus encounters a Baby Metoid that reminds her of the hatchling from SR388. Before she can kill it, she is struck from behind, disabling her Power Suit. Samus recognizes her attacker as Scumbag Adam, who lets it just stand there in front of her like a dork. Scumbag Adam did this simply to give the viewers what they came for: Hawt Zero Suit Samus.

Scumbag Adam reveals that he plans to enter Sector Zero to set off its self-destruct mechanism and cause it to detach from the BOTTLED SHIT. Before leaving, he orders Samus to locate a survivor in Room MW, to divert the BOTTLED SHIT off an intercept course with Galatactic Federation Headquarters and to defeat Ridley.

Swearing to finish the mission, Samus returns to the Bioweapon Research Center, and finds the body of James Pierce, as well as the mummified remains of Ridley. She later discovers the survivor Scumbag Adam mentioned, who opens a large, dark room. A Queen Metoid emerges from the chamber. Samus faces the Queen in a difficult battle when the ship's emergency brakes suddenly become active. Samus resorts to an old tactic and grapples into the Queen's mouth to obliterate it with a Power Bomb through its stomach.

The survivor absconds. Samus chases the woman down, who identifies herself as Madeline Bergman. She explains that the woman Samus met earlier was actually MB in an android form, and MB was the one who unleashed all of the experiments to run rampant throughout the station, leading to the current state of the BOTTLED SHIT.

Samus and Madeline are then confronted by MB herself. MB is then frozen by a group of invading Federation Marines, but she quickly thaws off. MB summons the BOTTLED SHIT's most dangerous creatures to attack. Madeline stops the battle by freezing MB again. On The Colonel's orders, MB is killed by the Marines. The Colonel compliments Samus' efforts but orders Anthony to escort her back to her ship (Sexist much?). On the journey home, Samus questions whether MB was truly evil all along, or misunderstood.

In the end-credit sequence, the Galatactic Federation decides to destroy the BOTTLED SHIT by utilizing its self-destruct mechanism. Before this, Samus returns to recover an important treasure, Scumbag Adam's helmet, which she finds in the Control Room after defeating Phantoon. The ship's self-destruct sequence is activated shortly afterward. During a countdown, Samus quickly escapes the BOTTLED SHIT with the helmet before it is destroyed.