God

**God** is the hypothetical[citation needed] uncle of Janet and the hypothetical[citation needed] current ruler and developer of the known Universe. His sworn enemy is Satan. His powers know little bounds, although He is cagey about whether He can create a stone too heavy for Him to lift.

## History

Little is known about God's origins. The earliest known event in His history is a sneeze that occurred approximately 13.7 billion years ago. The snot particles combined to create an orange that quickly exploded, leaving a void that would eventually expand to encompass all known spacetime.

God once called his cousin Ted Lot for them to collaborate on creatures. They created two humans named Adam and Steve, but God did not think the name Steve made sense because it would get confused with Satan's right hand man, also named Steve by this point, so to simplify that part of the Bible and prevent confusion of early readers so he renamed it Eve.

Adam and Eve proceeded to encounter a person from the IRS (it should be noted that the IRS would not be founded until 5866 years later) who got on a tangent and offered a great deal for apples. Eve convinced Adam to buy them using a very complex maneuver named a "punch to the face". As it turned out, the apples were so bad that both of them decided the world wasn't worth saving and started killing all living creatures. This story was later changed by Bartholomew who thought it would be rather too embarrassing.

Satan liked the rampant creature killing and decided that God was too lame, so he created an election to determine who would be the next ruler of the Garden of Eden. Before the election results could be finished, a glider ran into the Garden and incapacitated all NaN voters. Satan just took it over by himself.

At this point, God was too busy messing with creating new sorts of animals. His brother Harry Job was going through an obstacle course when God and Satan flipped a coin to determine what they would do to Job. Job ended up cursing God and started the IRS some millennia later to suck money out of all God's children, which would give him sufficient funds to raise Janet when combined with his inheritance from an unknown relative in Madeira.

Much is known about God's escapades since these events but they are too numerous to list here. His most notable acts ever since are jinxing the entire Earth to the continual existence of nuclear weapons and discovering ɕ, which are severe problems to the international community and people who like numbers respectively. He has also cursed out New York City during the Squab Prong War. God has also been to the Zeration Station, however, He is even cagier about it than whether He can create a stone too heavy for Him to lift. He forced the IOPACCU to reject God Slandering as an Olympic sport.

## Programming and Magic

God is the dev of the universe. Despite this, God is widely considered a subpar programmer, and is an adherent of the design philosophy "it's not a bug, it's a feature". As such, God is responsible for the preponderance of (initially) unintended behavior which has since been acknowledged as not being planned to ever be fixed, which is part of the "canon" of magic. The only known things that God is not in control of are all physical constants, all of mathematics, and other deities.

## Criticism

God is notorious for his relatively laissez-faire approach to ruling the universe. He has repeatedly been criticized for failing to deal with any requests made by his subjects, and for choosing rather arbitrarily where and how to intervene divinely.