Rebellion

Rebellion is the eighth chapter in the Wombles Eight.

Face was very happy. He was grinning.  So far he’d gotten calls from 100,000 women to ask him out, including Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley, Luna Lovegood, Cho Chang, Fleur Delacour, Pansy Parkinson, etc.  He didn’t know what they were rambling on about when they told him all about their experience at Hogwarts, but he didn’t really care so just listened. He had even gotten a call from Delores Umbridge, but he had immediately broken up with her when he saw her.  Tara called.  Lisbon called.  Mrs Peel called, but that went the same way as it did with Umbridge.  Barbara Gordon called and then Batgirl called very soon afterward.  After 3,000 more calls, Cathy called.

“Hello, my dear.” Said Face on the phone with Cathy, trying to act like Steed to make her love him. “Hello.” Cathy replied in an annoyed tone.  Face already knew what the call was about of course, so he didn’t ask.  He just said, “There’s only one time in the next ten months when I’m available.  Tonight. 7 O Clock.  Meet me at James’s Fame.”  Cathy sighed, said, “Whatever.” And then ended the call by judo chopping her phone in half.

The person who Face had scheduled to date first was Hermione.  She walked into James’s Fame looking very awkward.  She was dressed very casually, which upset face, who had prepared in a very clean golden coloured suit with a contrasting green tie, and a very expensive straw boater which he’d bought from an antiques dealer with a very long face.  Hermione thought he looked ridiculous, but she didn’t say anything.  Until Face noticed, she didn’t speak at all.

“Don’t you have anything to say?” he asked.  “It’s just-“ began Hermione, “Well-“  “Go on.” “I’m already dating someone else, and I went through quite a lot of stress and effort to get him, so I’m very worried about him breaking up with me because of you.”  “That’s okay.” Said Face, as he couldn’t think of anything else to say.  “I’m sure I’m just as good as him.”  Hermione sighed and the waitress walked over.  She was dressed in a suit and tie with fishnets and a top hat.  “Can I get you two anything?” she asked.  “Oh, hello Zatanna.” Said Hermione.  Face was surprised.  “You know her?”  “I know of her.  She used to go to my old school.”  “Oh, what school is that?”  “Hogwarts.” “I’d never heard of that school before I got your call.”  “You wouldn’t have.”  “Why is that?”  “I’d rather not explain.”  “That’s okay.”  Hermione got her wand out under the table and muttered something, then Face obliviously started talking backward.  Hermione tried to hide her wand, and Zatanna smiled.  “You finally remembered my spell.” She said, “I heard it was the one spell you could never quite get right.”  “Hush.” Said Hermione, looking around at the customers and Face.  “Oh, they can’t hear me.  Not exactly, anyway.  I’m talking backwards, but you can understand me because you’re a witch.” With that said, Zatanna took Face and Hermione’s order and walked up to the bar.  She gave the order to the barman, who Hermione recognised as Tom the Innkeeper from the Leaky Cauldron pub in Diagon Alley.  Apparently, James’s Fame was popular among witches and wizards.

Tara and Isabelle were in the alleyway outside of the café they’d met each other in. “So what is it you wanted to tell me?” asked Tara.

“Katy doesn’t trust you, Tara. Katy is going to kill you.”

“And why,” asked Tara. “Would that be?”

“Because she knows. She knows what I know. She knows about the last time you came back to life.”

“I have an immortality device. It’s not a mystery.”

“Yes, but that isn’t how it happened last time, is it?”

“It is, actually, in part at least.”

“Well, yes, in part, but you are even closer to immortal now and I know why.”

“Why would that mean Katy wants to kill me?”

“You’re a very bad threat. You’re a powerful being who isn’t on her side and she knows it. She can’t risk keeping you alive, only she hasn’t found a way to kill you yet. Actually, neither have I. You might be literally immortal, possibly, but still. You should be on your guard.”

“Well, thanks, I guess. Can I go home now?”

“Um…sure. Just…do be careful, OK?”

“OK.” Said Tara and went home.

Mrs Peel was in Oxford Street to go shopping, but hadn’t yet entered a shop. “Hello,” said a random man. “You look lovely.”

“Um…thank you?” said Mrs Peel, not entirely agreeing with him. “I’m kind of busy and I don’t even know you so could you just leave me be?”

“You may call me Cornelius.” Said the man. “And I want to talk to you.”

“Oh, you just go and d-“ began Mrs Peel. “Oh, you have an immortality device. I suppose it wouldn’t be a new experience to you. You look vaguely familiar but I have never heard of anyone called Cornelius so just LEAVE ME ALONE!”

“I…suppose…I can talk to you…later.” Said Cornelius and left.

“Idiot.” Muttered Mrs Peel.

Harry came back from the shops.  He trudged in and plonked his shopping bag down on the kitchen table.  He took out a big pack of cigars, a lighter, lighter fluid, dumbbells, paint, brushes, art pads, mixed seeds and big tidy bags.  As he took the tidy bags out and unfolded them something surprised him.  The bags had big pictures of Ginny smiling.  Quite unexpectedly he suddenly felt guilty.

Just then Hermione came in looking reluctant and sneaky with Face in tow.  They came into the kitchen and saw Harry.  Hermione blushed and shrugged her shoulders apologetically. Face just beamed a cool smile and said “hi”.  “Hello Mr Templeton” Harry responded despondently.  Hermione just stood there as Face moved in to kiss her.

Harry pulled out his wand and looked angry.  Just as he was about to send Face somewhere unpleasant a voice came from the living room. It was a female voice he didn’t know. “What now!” he snapped and marched off to see who it was.  Nobody was there but the TV had been left on.  Hermione and Face followed him in just as a government announcement started.

The voice was Alderney’s. This is what she said.

*Hello people and wombles of the UK.  It’s Alderney here.  Your Minister for Rebellion!  And rebellion is what you’re getting today!  I rebelled today for all of you and got the Prime Minister to make some changes.*

*No more smoking cigars! You don’t have to do that!*

*No more dates with that smug faced idiot Peck!  He’s demoted to the official Feeder of Tigers.*

“No!” shouted Face at the TV.  “Fully deserved!” shouted Harry at Face whilst punching him.  “Creep!” shouted Hermione whilst slapping his Face’s face. The bell rang at that point. Harry answered whilst Hermione slapped Face all about the house.  It was Murdock.

“Brrring me my Tiger Feeder!” said Murdock crazily.  “Not a problem” replied Harry.  Hermione was already pulling Face along by one of his ears down the hall to the door. Harry kicked him hard.

“Thank you so very muchly!” said Murdock bowing.  Face landed on his face at Murdock’s feet.  Harry shut the door and Hermione sighed with relief.  They heard the sound of Murdock’s helicopter flying away. Hermione looked out of the window and saw Face dangling by his feet from a long rope holding big slabs of raw meat.

Alderney was waiting on the TV screen tapping her feet about when Harry and Hermione went back into the living room.  “Are you quite ready Harry and Hermione?” she asked.  Harry and Hermione were a bit shocked.  “No need to look so shocked you two sneaky lovers!  Shall I carry on?” said Alderney through the TV.  Harry and Hermione nodded not knowing what to say or how Alderney could see them.  Alderney cleared her throat and continued.

*Definitely don’t do what you’re told!*

*Play sports if you want or not, pump iron if you want or not*

*Design clothes, grow food, cook food, eat food, tidy up, release tigers, go insane but it’s your life so just if you want to!  Rebellion forever!  Especially in Scotland!*

*Right Bulgaria?  Right! You can’t talk can you?  Not with your mouth taped up!  Goodbye for now.*

*Alderney for Prime Minister!*

The TV started showing adverts just before the Avengers was due to come on.  Harry and Hermione sat down to watch it.