293: Fins, Gills, Angles, Scales, Eyes, Fins, Dorsal Pieces and Teeth

## Summary

The party locate the dam door under the spillway, finding that the keys and keyholes are encoded with symbols and words that seem to describe each of their personalities. After a few failed attempts, they solve the puzzle, the door slides down and they enter a surreal, watery landscape under the lake. A blue light way off in the distance eventually leads them to their first sighting of a poorly-looking Anglerfish, with the orange dragon snaked around it.

## Synopsis

The party make their way under the murky, churning water from the spillway, increasingly finding that they're buoyancy has reduced such that they're comfortably able to walk along the riverbed. The wall of the dam becomes visible ahead, along with the outline of a door. Batthwack shudders as he realises it is indeed the same door from the book. It's metal, with rivets surrounding the edge, and it's an unusual shape, 7' high and 20' wide. The door contains four areas of intricate floral etch work around four evenly spaced keyholes, and in the centre of the door, at the top, it reads *"Door for four,"* and just below that *"Be the key."* Each keyhole has a word inscribed over it: *"oddball,"* *"crank,"* *"shield"* and *"disarray."'*

The four keys are retrieved from their respective places of safekeeping, and the group quickly notice that each key has not only mysteriously changed its configuration of teeth, but also now has a symbol etched into its head:

What does it all mean? Do the three circles on Will's key refer to Rosco and his two companions, Rosco the dog and the mysterious Rudy? Could Batthwack's key depict a crank? Raphina is certainly an oddball, and Rosco is in dissarray, or is it the other way around? After more thought, it certainly seems like Will's key might depict "oddball", Batthwack's "crank", Rosco's "shield" and Raphina's "dissarray". Rosco takes a closer look at the door, wondering if there's any chance it could be booby-trapped. Given how the keys all changed configuration, just like his own wooden one had, there must be something magical at play here, and clearly this door is not used practically for maintenance or anything, but he doesn't get any sense that magical traps have been set.

They decide to give the keys a try, but considering the door's instruction to *"be the key,"* they decide to first switch keys so that each of them holds the one that seems to describe themselves. Everyone agrees that "shield" really represents Batthwack and Will begrudgingly admits that he must be "crank". However, as soon as the two of them switch keys, the symbols etched on them instantly change shape and end up looking like the one they were initially holding.

Rosco suggests that *"be the key"* might mean they have adopt the persona of the person who's key they're holding. It's decided that Raphina really is the "oddball" of the group, so Will has to impersonate her. Batthwack stands in front of the "crank" door to impersonate Will, Raphina stands in front of the "disarray" door to impersonate Rosco, and Rosco stands in front of "shield" to impersonate Batthwack. The dragonborn even hands over his shield temporarily to help Rosco really sell his performance, and Rosco is speechless at this token of Batthwack's trust in him. Will prepares by twisting his hair up and smearing silt from the riverbed on his clothes in a stunning display of commitment to the role. Raphina adopts a terrible posture, slouching over. Once they're all in position in front of the door their key matches, they put their keys in and simultaneously begin their impersonations. Alas, the keys still refuse to turn. There's a moment while the disappointment sinks in and then Will hurriedly *Prestidigitates* himself clean again.

Batthwack wonders if in fact *"be the key"* could mean they don't even need the keys at all. Raphina puts her finger in the keyhole of the "oddball" door, but nothing happens, and it seems to feel just like a normal keyhole. Even when they all line up in front of the door that matches their key and try the same thing, nothing happens. Will even tries giving his key to Batthwack so that he holds two of them, but that only results in Batthwack holding two identical keys. Suddenly, a thought strikes Will. Perhaps there's another way they can disregard the keys that each of them holds and *"be the key"* instead. *"What if we go to the doors that we think describe ourselves, even though our keys might not match?"* he says.

Will goes and stands in front of the "crank" door with his "oddball" key, Batthwack goes to the "shield" door with his "crank" key and Raphina goes to the "oddball" door with her "disarray" key. *"Rosco, you're definitely 'disarray'. If I'm 'disarray' I'm going to be very upset by whoever made this fucking dam door,"* says Will crankily. Rosco goes to the "disarray" door with his "shield" key. They all insert their keys and this time they turn! The keys then disappear and the door begins to slowly rumble downwards.

Behind the door is a vast, wide open expanse of watery darkness. The dam wall frames the space where the door used to be, but oddly there's no great archway of thick stone. Instead, immediately inside the doorway is just open water as far as the eye can see, almost as if the dam wall is paper thin. Above them, very faint and very distant, is light from the surface, only just visible. Ahead of them in the distance is a pulsating, bright caerulean blue light. As their eyes become accustomed to the darkness, they're able to see that they're stood on the lake bed, which is made up of deep canyons stretching away from them, rock formations and structures that they're going to have to wend their way through. Seaweed copses are scattered throughout this strange landscape, which is populated by fish everywhere: bass, bluegill, sunfish, and even huge carp, which Will notices immediately.

The group begins to make their way into the lake itself. There is increased pressure from the great volume of water above them, but it's unusually little, and they can walk (or bicycle in Raphina's case) pretty much as normal. They also discover they can swim up from the lake bed if the mood takes them. Will gets the disconcerting feeling that his *Fly* spell would be useless down there though. The terrain is a little squishy, but the going isn't difficult, and there's a strong fishy smell, even though they're not breathing air.

The group are walking and talking, pushing through seaweed copses and navigating the canyons. It's at this point that Will reveals he actually has no idea what an anglerfish looks like. Batthwack and Raphina suggest a few of the key ways you can identify an anglerfish: fins, gills, scales, eyes, more fins, dorsal pieces and teeth. It's clear they don't have much of a clue either. Will reminds them that there's also supposed to be a dragon down here too. Rosco says he'd be reassured if they had a backup plan just in case the effect of his water-breathing potion runs out and Will nonchalantly remarks that he'd probably be able to *Dimension Door* him to the surface. Something about the sensory deprivation of this silent, tranquil setting causes their minds to wander and Raphina finds herself thinking about how upset Dean Kellerman will be when he learns that his key has vanished.

After some hours of dreamlike wandering, lost in their own thoughts, the group notice that the blue light ahead of them has gotten brighter and the topography has flattened out, such that the landscape is much more open. It's still pretty dark, but in the distance they can make out a flat-topped butte, bigger than the rocky features they've seen so far. On top of the butte is the source of the blue light; inside a pulsing watery orb is an immense fish that's laying on its side, weakly flopping about. Wrapped motionless around the base of the butte, it's legs in the air, is a giant, orange, serpentine shape: none other than the upside down dragon.

## Quotes

* Raphina: *"Someone covered with mustard is definitely going to be considered disarray. But I like mustard and I like disarray."* Rosco: *"I don't even know if we're talking about dis array or dat array."* Eric: *"A manta ray swims past."*

## Trivia

* The episode title refers to Raphina and Batthwack's attempt to describe an anglerfish. Will: *"What are we looking for? What the fuck is an anglerfish?"* Batthwack: *"I mean, it's got to be some kind of fish right? With like fins and..."* Raphina: *"Gills..."* Eric: *"Angles?"* Batthwack: *"Scales, eyes..."* Raphina: *"Fins, dorsal pieces..."* Batthwack: *"Teeth?"* Raphina: *"Oh yeah, it has teeth!"* Will: <groans angrily in frustration>
* Rosco refers to his friend Jay and Jay's ex-girlfriend Daisy, presumably named after the characters from *The Great Gatsby*, Jay Gatsby and the object of his affections, Daisy Buchanan. Adam's bit about the green light was a reference to the green light that Gatsby yearns for in the novel, representing his *"sense of hope and belief in the American dream."* https://www.sparknotes.com/lit/gatsby/quotes/symbol/the-green-light/
* An anglerfish's glowing bait is called a "lure": https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anglerfish#Predation
* Abby mentions the book/CD *Gravikords, Whirlies, and Pyrophones* by Bart Hopkins, *"celebrating 37 outrageously inventive designers and builders of new and unusual musical instruments,"* with a foreword by Tom Waits! https://www.gravikord.com/gwp.html
* Plateaus, mesas, and buttes - what's the difference? https://mapeffects.co/tutorials/plateau-mesa-butte
* This week's episode description describes the Pork Fried Dice wiki as: efficacious.

## Gallery

*Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice*
Will's keyBatthwack's keyRosco's keyRaphina's key
## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 See episode 284: Tusk Me In the Dick
2. ↑ See episode 260: Batthwack Yells And Then Smashes... \*gasp\*