Alan Johnson

Alan Johnson was a member of The Maniels Gang and served as Rabe Maniels' personal hitman during Maniels' first attempt to take over the world.

"Now then lads where were we?"-Johnson's last words.

## Overview

The head of JLB Credit's London Branch, Alan Johnson secretly worked as a hitman for Rabe Maniels. He took care of all the noisy people who challenged Rabe in his first attempt to seek world domination.

## Background

Alan Johnson was born in London at an unknown point in time and he attended private schools growing up always striving to be the best he could be. At some point prior to 2003, Alan found work at JLB Credit's London branch as a motivational speaker. This was until JLB's CEO Steffan Strauss realised that Johnson was worth more and subsequently had Johnson promoted to become head of JLB's London branch. Even while at JLB Credit, Johnson was corrupt and this was even before he met Rabe Maniels as he was known to take large cash bribes from company CEO Steffan Strauss to keep his mouth shut about the company's sinister secrets. In 2015, Johnson saved the life of recently promoted assistant commissioner Rabe Maniels from a gang of heavily armed street thugs. Maniels recruited Johnson into his ranks, and made Johnson his personal hitman. Alan worked loyally for Maniels as the money he received from Maniels was more than he got from an entire month working at JLB Credit. Even his bribes from Stauss weren't as much as the ones he received fro Maniels. At some point in time, Johnson met and affiliated himself with two old ladies named Mable and Margret who would go on to become his assistants and best friends assisting him in any dastardly crime that he committed.

## Assistance To Rabe Maniels

As Rabe's personal hitman, Alan was in charge of getting rid of all the noisy people who gave Rabe problems. He was assisted by two elderly ladies named Maple and Margret nicknamed 'The Aunt Bessy Duo.' Johnson killed a small group of police officers who had witnessed Rabe attacking Matthew Williams after Williams reported one of Rabe's lost episodes to the police. Later, Johnson killed Oliver Charles the transport liaison of Harold Saxon who had witnessed the kidnapping of Rodger Lampton. Johnson accompanied Maniels, Wilfred Mott, and Johnny Cornwall to Marmite Media to kill Lazarus Marmite and his gang. However, Marmite and his friends managed to escape thanks to the efforts of Lazarus' wife Edith. After this, Johnson disappeared for awhile until Rabe, Mott, and Cornwall were berated by Richard Asquith for their criminal activities. Rabe then had Asquith garrotted by Johnson, and then ordered Johnson and his assistants to take care of the body, Johnson and the Aunt Bessy Duo proceeded to dump Asquith's body in the swamplands.

## Death

Later, Alan appeared at Television Centre in order to once again provide his assistance to Rabe Maniels once again. Maniels left Lazarus Marmite and his cohorts to be killed by Johnson and the Aunt Bessy Duo. John Cena killed Maple which led Margret to create a massive woollen robot in an attempt to get revenge. She ended up inadvertently stomping on Alan killing him instantly.

## Aftermath

Johnson's role as hitman for Rabe Maniels was eventually filled by brutal interrogation and torture expert: Liu Shen Tong. Tong was far more feared and brutal than Johnson was. Johnson was briefly mentioned by The Shadow Reader when he compares him to Liu Shen Tong. Shadow quotes, "Fucking Tong that guy's worse than Alan Johnson man." Following Johnson's death, JLB Credit's London Branch was shut down to save money. Despite the London branch being shut down, JLB Credit continues to run in Europe and also has strong shareholders in Japan. Following Alan's death, he was also briefly converted into a skin suit by Protegent Man.

## Murders Committed

Three Police Officers

Oliver Charles

Richard Asquith

## Trivia

* Lazarus Marmite used to work for Alan Johnson and the two were engaged in an affair at one time with Lazarus referring to Johnson as his part-time lover.
* It is unknown whether Rabe planned to betray Johnson as he did with Mott and Cornwall.
* It is unknown how he met the Aunt Bessy Duo or what kind of relationship he was with them. It was later revealed in The House That Spud Built that Johnson met the pair after they reported one of Maniels' lost media projects to the police. Maniels offered the pair an ultimatum work for him or be killed by Johnson. The pair chose the former, and became Johnson's assistants driving him where he needed to go as he was unable to drive a car for unknown reasons.
* Liu Shen Tong was recruited into Maniels' Syndicate to replace Johnson and was said to be even worse than Johnson ever was.
* Alan supported Everton FC.
* He was a regular shopper at Argos.
* His favourite song was Ocean Drive by the Lighthouse Family.
* Johnson is highly competitive and at one point in 2005 he appeared on Weakest Link where he went out of his way to try and destroy the moral of all those who played alongside him, and upon winning the game he rudely demanded to know where his money was.
* According to the funnypasta guide, Alan was happily engaged prior to his death but not faithful as he had several mistresses but his fiancée remained none the wiser as Alan was careful to cover his tracks.
* Alan Johnson is notable for being one of the only characters that Rabe Maniels treats with respect