Milk Aisle Saga

**A Mutual Agreement**

Jaison had managed to abduct the Anti Peebus suit exactly three years before his meeting with Peebus…

A few days after their conversation, Jaison opened the closet on purpose for the first time in a month, attempting to summon one of his friends, Lactose the Intolerant, an SCP-class entity whose hatred of milk permeated the very Omniverse itself.

“How’s it going my old friend?” Jaison yelled enthusiastically.

“It be doing” replied Lactose

Lactose and Jaison engaged in exactly five minutes and fifty-four seconds of conversation, mostly discussing Lactose’s hostile takeover of Detroit and arguing over which My Little Pony character was better. Peebus had officially met one of Jaison’s friends.

Lactose, Jaison, and Peebus set out on a mission to drop fifteen gallons of milk off of a building, the higher the better.

Local law enforcement had pulled them over.

The trio, with no form of identification, waited anxiously as the officer strode up to the driver’s side window; Baton in hand.

“Mmmm Peebus, Mmmm Peebus” Peebus muttered to himself, he sounded incredibly stupid right now.

The officer rapped on the window only briefly before asking to see their identification, the trio fell dead silent yet again. Jaison pulled out a crumpled up Subway coupon and as he handed it to the officer, Peebus resumed his muttering.

The officer accepted the coupon and let them get on their way.

Once they had arrived at the store, they were met with a variety of strange looks. One morbidly obese woman who smelled of cabbage grimaced at the mere sight of them, they promptly grimaced back.

Another woman, incredibly thin with a shrill voice, screamed towards them when they inquired about her lack of a face covering. She proceeded to rant about her rights as an American citizen for the next three hours or so. She could be heard throughout the store.

There was a man who appeared to be in his mid forties who simply followed them throughout the store. He had a large mustache and wore circular glasses that made his eyes appear much larger, as well as cargo shorts, a teal Hawaiian shirt that exposed his incredibly hairy chest, and the kind of sandals your dad wears when he goes hiking.

As they approached the frozen section the man’s eyes began to dart back and forth between the autistic trio, it would seem their mannerisms perplexed him.

They continued.

As they neared the milk aisle the man disappeared, as if teleporting away. This confused the trio for about three seconds before they continued on their trek. Once at the milk section they held an intense game of rock-paper-scissors to determine which milk they would get, Peebus won and decided on chocolate.

As Jaison reached to open the door to the fridge the strange man appeared again, inside of the fridge…

**The Milk Men**

The strange man grabbed the trio and pulled them inside of the fridge.

**“I AM THE CHOCOLATE MILK GUARDIAN YOU FOOLS”** He exclaimed, while humping the air vigorously.

As his humping continued, the room began to change shape, the walls disappeared, the floor became an incredibly large disk. And suddenly, they were in a very large room.

**“WELCOME TO THE ROOM OF JUDGMENT DUMBASSES”** He exclaimed again, it appeared he was incapable of normal conversation.

They were in an incredibly large marble room of Greek/Roman design, surrounded by massive granite pillars. Outside of the room, a torrent of chocolate milk encompassed them, it moved in a similar manner to whitewater rapids, but chocolate, and milk.

The strange man was sitting in a large throne now, looking down upon the trio in what can only be described as 20% uncontrollable anger and 70% incredibly potent lust. He pointed at Lactose first, pulling him up into another, slightly smaller chair adjacent to his own.

**“LACTOSE THE INTOLERANT, DO YOU, PERHAPS W A S T E   M I L K!?!”** The strange man’s voice was getting more demonic with each word he uttered.

“Yes” Lactose answered, completely unfazed by the situation.

**“DO YOU OR DO YOU NOT W A S T E    M I L K!?!”** The strange man inquired.

“I do” Lactose answered, but in a more lackadaisical manner.

**“ WHY D O   Y OU   W   A   S   T   E      M   I   L   K   !   ?   !”** The man’s voice was full on edgelord now.

“Because I’m Lactose intolerant” Lactose replied, he was obviously bored of this interaction.

**“D    i    s    S    M    i    s    S      E    d”** The man bellowed as Lactose reappeared alongside the trio.

The Man then beckoned towards Peebus…

Peebus ranked far higher than this strange man when it came to his chromosomal wavelength, Peebus had started a war against the entire omniverse for Ryan’s sake, while this guy yelled at people for wasting milk.

**“PEEBUS, DO YOU, PERHAPS W A S T E   M I L K!?!**” The strange man repeated.

“Mmmmmm Peebus” Peebus replied.

**“DO YOU OR DO YOU NOT W A S T E    M I L K!?!”** The strange man repeated, it seemed he was speaking like an Oblivion NPC now.

“Mmmmm Peebus” Peebus replied, he sounded annoyed now.

**“D    i    s    S    M    i    s    S      E    d”**

Peebus reappeared alongside the group.

As Jaison braced for the verbal abuse that would come, another, much godlier voice was heard.

“Milk”

“Milk Milk”

“Milk Milk Milk Milk Milk”

“Miiiiiilk”

“Milk”

Two entities were seen descending from the sky, they were obviously Peebusians, given their manner of speech.

The first one was incredibly tall, clad in green garb which draped around his head, exposing an incredibly chiseled set of abs and atop his head was a black ushanka. He was also wearing shin length socks, black gym shorts and had bright red shoes.

The second was much shorter, fatter, and probably smelled pretty bad too. He was clad in blue garb that went up around his head, with a black and red ushanka to hold it up, his belly was also exposed. Around his legs were black sweats, this one was barefoot.

As they descended, the trio was filled with an intense sense of dread, as if these entities were above them and considered them nothing more than dust.

**“WAIT, Y-YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS”** The strange man was sobbing now.

**“YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I SACRIFIC-”** The strange man let out one last bellow as he was transformed into a puddle of delicious dairy juice.

“Milk Milk Milk”

“Milk Milk?”

“Milk!”

The beings implored our trio to partake of the dairy juice, to which Lactose objected (for obvious reasons)

“Mmmmm Peebus” Peebus said, Lactose obliged.

The trio then slurped up the delicious white fluid, Jaison was a professional milk drinker, and thus felt nothing. Peebus screamed in enjoyment (it was the most delicious milk he had ever tasted). Lactose was indifferent, The Milk Men had removed the lactose from the puddle so that he could consume it. But like most SCP level entities, he could care less…

After their altercations with The Milk Men, our trio made their way to a 115 story building (which happened to be overlooking the river) and promptly sprinted their way to the top.

After about 15 minutes of absolute hell, our trio had made it to the top and began dropping the milk. They managed to severely killing three people and pollute the town's drinking water.

A day well spent.

There was, however, another.

In an attempt to avoid his children and focus on his rap career, SkittleZ had left his family to go and get the perfect gallon of milk, finding himself in Minnesota. He was questioned by the strange man and forced to live the rest of his days in the milk fridge for his wrongdoings.

Our trio had defeated the only being powerful enough to keep him there.

And so, with new-found confidence, SkittleZ left the milk fridge determined to avoid his children for as long as possible, maybe he’d release a new single.

Nov 16, 2021, SkittleZ releases his first single. Lofi