SiiickBrain

### Twitter

https://twitter.com/siiickbrain?ref\_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor

**SiiickBrain** (aka Caroline Miner Smith) is a model and writer from Los Angeles, California. She has also dated Diego at one point (need year).

## Does for a Living

She is signed to Next Management where she does a lot of print and editorial work. She’s been doing a lot of beauty campaigns recently, which is great because I actually used to be a makeup artist. It's really cool to see that come full circle. She’s working on a book about mental health and her experiences with it.

## Background/Upbringing

She is from a small town in North Carolina called Morganton. She grew up on a farm and didn't have any neighbors in sight. It was very conservative.

In an interview with FemWorld she has stated;
“Well I didn't really foresee myself coming to LA or living anywhere besides North Carolina because I struggled a lot with anxiety and actually had agoraphobia. So, I was afraid to leave my house and that was a big part of my life. My parents thought that I was just gonna go to community college if I even had the courage to leave the house. They were like, “we might have to support her forever.” But, I ended up overcoming that with their support and a lot of other people's support and moved to New York from there. I'm in LA now and I've been here for four years.”

## The Meaning

Agoraphobia is when you have such debilitating anxiety that whenever you walk outside or leave the house, you get severe anxiety attacks. The symptoms of that could be fainting, sickness, nausea, vomiting. It can really bring on the symptoms of a very serious medical illness.

“I overcame agoraphobia with help from a therapist and my family's support. I didn't have many friends at the time, so I didn't have the support of friends, but I also was prescribed antidepressants that helped. But looking back now, I wish that I hadn't been prescribed any medication.”
“What I would tell people who are experiencing anxiety and similar symptoms is don't give up, push yourself a little bit more each day. Any step outside is a step in the right direction and you're not going to be stuck there forever if you just tell yourself you're not.”

## Life Changes

“Yeah, I really didn't expect that I would leave North Carolina. It was really scary. Another symptom of agoraphobia, like I said, is nausea and sickness. I wasn't eating, I was 79 pounds at this height. My parents were concerned for my life. So that's interesting to look back on. I was in such a different place. I would lie on the couch in my living room and I was on home-bound schooling. I couldn't go to my high school. I had to have a teacher bring me work everyday.”

## Success

“Yeah, it's crazy to think about. I never thought that I would be a model, I just didn't really see myself that way. But while I was experiencing agoraphobia and the symptoms of it - and also just debilitating anxiety and depression and other things mentally that I had struggled with - I found a love for makeup, actually. I would sit at home and to entertain myself, I would watch YouTube videos and do makeup on myself and it would help me feel confident and feel better about how things were. People also thought that I was healthy when they would see me because I would have done my makeup and I got really good at it. And then I was like you know what...maybe I want to turn this into a career. So, after that I moved to Brooklyn, which is crazy because I had to overcome my agoraphobia. But there were a lot of elements of living in North Carolina that I guess felt as if they held me back. With the help of everyone and my therapist and my family and the support that I was getting, I got the courage to leave and pursue makeup artistry. And I went to a school in SoHo called The Makeup Designory and started learning and figuring out what it's like to live on my own without relying on the help of so many other people.”

## Choice of Modeling Career

“I didn't know that I wanted to be a model until I was walking around in New York and I got asked to do a hair show, which is funny. I guess it's this thing where hairstylists get together and it's like a convention or something. So I was like, "Oh my God, sure! You think I could be a model, like what?" I had long hair and I had one or two tattoos at the time. I think I had breathe and a horseshoe on the back of my neck because I'm a country girl. I went and I had this long hair, and I just had highlights, you know, I think I was wearing Polo Ralph Lauren at the time. And I went and they cut all my hair off. They were like, are you cool with whatever style we do? And I was like, um, sure. I just went up to New York. I had been there for two weeks, you know. It was right when Miley Cyrus cut her hair really short and they were like, well, we feel like you could rock it. I was like..okay. So, they cut all my hair off onstage in front of so many people. And I was like, I can't freak out! I can't see myself. There's no mirror. Then I had to walk and show my hair off. Then I got back and looked in a mirror and thought, oh my God, I guess I can start a new chapter and be whoever I want. I can leave all the anxiety behind and I can leave the agoraphobia behind. And I can be confident and be who I am and be who I want to be. And you know, be happy.”

## Other issues

“No, I haven't really had long hair since then. I started to grow it out. But things kept happening. I think I kept it short for a few months. I would go and get it cut and it was bleached blonde and spiky and interesting. And then I was like, okay, I'm going to grow it out. I grew it out and I had a bob with bangs. Around that time I had moved to L.A. and I was actually going to school for beauty merchandising and marketing. As that was happening people were asking me to shoot and do modeling stuff. At this point, I still dealt with anxiety and depression, but I knew how to handle it. And throughout this time and all these hair transformations and crazy things, I started modeling more and shortly after I shaved my head, I did a runway show. It’s funny, right before I did the runway show, Slick Woods became Slick Woods, you know, we walked it together. It was our first show together. It was so interesting to see her grow, like, that's incredible! But it was just so amazing feeling like I've come so far. Not that modeling was my goal, but just to be a part of something creative and feel good about myself and where my life is, you know? That was just huge for me. It wasn't even a huge show or anything. It was my first runway show.”
“But I remember Janice Dickinson, I think coming up to me backstage, and she’s a huge deal, and she told me, "don't fall!" And I was just like, this is crazy! I was also the shortest model walking the runway, so I was already really nervous. At that time my head was shaved and I just got my degree in beauty merchandising and marketing. I finished it, which was also insane because my parents thought I was going to go to community college, or not even school at all, and just they would support me and I would live on their couch forever because they weren't sure if I was going to overcome that point of my life and they weren't sure that I was going to gain weight and be healthy enough to live life without fainting, you know? Cause that was a real thing also.

After that, my Instagram started growing and that was insane! I was thinking to myself, how am I going to grow on Instagram and gain exposure without doing something with it? I didn't want to be an Instagram girl without purpose, or a model without purpose, or a makeup artist without purpose, or anyone without purpose, because what is life without purpose, you know? So, once I started modeling and gaining a following on Instagram, there was a point where I got really lost and depressed and confused and curious as to where my life was going because I had my degree in makeup artistry, I was a makeup artist, but I was also starting to become a working model. I wasn't signed at the time but that's how I was making my money modeling.

“I didn’t want to be an Instagram girl without purpose, or a model without purpose, or a makeup artist without purpose, or anyone without purpose, because what is life without purpose, you know? ”
— CAROLINE MINER SMITH

## Breaking Norms

“I think breaking industry norms is seeing how the world is progressing in a positive way and being more accepting…especially being more accepting of people as they are. Not asking people to conform to something, because there is no right or wrong in life. Also, coming from a place that's so conservative, I never in a million years thought that I would look like this in general. When I lived in North Carolina, I wore Polo Ralph Lauren, which is cool, you know, whatever. I was on the golf team, I rode horses and I had hair down to here with highlights and just was a part of a clique, kind of, before I lost all my friends because I had agoraphobia. I just think that breaking industry norms just shows progression in the world.”

## Outlet and Platform

“I think that I found an outlet of self expression in modeling and social media in a sense. Makeup artistry was put on a back burner because I decided that I wanted to pursue modeling on another level, gain a following, because I decided I wanted to be open about my mental health and write about it.

The first thing that I started to do was really start to express myself on my platform because I think that it's important to be who you are. But then I started being open about my anxiety on my platform. I think I've spoken about agoraphobia, maybe one time, and depression. I've seen so many of my friends go through periods of extreme anxiety and depression and crazy stuff, even addiction and eating disorders and everything in L.A. because it's such a normal thing in the industry. I don't think that people realize how many people are affected by it. I think everyone is affected by mental health in a way. Maybe not personally, but I guarantee you, you have a family member who has anxiety or depression or OCD or bipolar disorder or addiction or... everyone's affected by it.“

## References

1. ↑ https://www.thefemword.world/her-story/siiickbrain
2. ↑ https://www.thefemword.world/her-story/siiickbrain
3. ↑ https://www.thefemword.world/her-story/siiickbrain
4. ↑ https://www.thefemword.world/her-story/siiickbrain
5. ↑ https://www.thefemword.world/her-story/siiickbrain
6. ↑ https://www.thefemword.world/her-story/siiickbrain
7. ↑ https://www.thefemword.world/her-story/siiickbrain
8. ↑ https://www.thefemword.world/her-story/siiickbrain
9. ↑ https://www.thefemword.world/her-story/siiickbrain
10. ↑ https://www.thefemword.world/her-story/siiickbrain
11. ↑ https://open.spotify.com/artist/1oPEr1Ci8sWOYj8SSh2VPE]]