Fake TPOT 42: The Password Is "Family"/part 1

Warning! This page may contain **spoilers** of a popular video.
"**The Password Is Family**" is the main part of the non-canon forty-second episode of *TPOT* by Jacknjellify. It was released on 25 October 1987. This episode is only headcanon to me, that is, until the real TPOT 2 comes out, after which it splits from the rest of the series to become an alternate universe. During the creation process, this episode was known as "**Plus Meets Minus (The Password Is Made)**".

Author's note: I'll let Pen do the talking.

Author's note on the author's note: At the risk of spoiling the mystery dialogue, I must clarify that he's saying "This episode is actually kind of a tribute to Bert Convy. The author of *Fake TPOT* made me into a s\*\*tty parody of him. Please send help!" This audio clip was originally some weird file I made about a month ago that was never meant to see the light of day, but then I figured: what the heck, I'll post it anyway. And I'll actually make this a tribute to Bert too. Perhaps I should also make it clear in all this confusion that I've nothing against him, just as I have nothing against the Swedes. (The less desirable aspects of Pen's personality are based on Jnj's character in *BFB* and how I interpreted him when I was writing *P2O*. No one else.)

Description if this were on YouTube:

Ain't that the truth.

Previous episode: "How the Host Was One"

## Contest (with Pencil)

[**Pencil** *throws three balls in the air.* **Pin** *and* **Black Hole** *pick up two of them. The third one, obviously meant for Bok, lies on the ground idly.*]

* **P****i****n**: [*chanting*] Let's go, BH, let's go!
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: [*whose ball is orbiting around him*] I'm way ahead of you, Pin.

[*Black Hole drops the ball into the hole.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Two more!
* **P****i****n**: Can I drop it into the hole as well, or do I have to throw it?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Couldn't care less.
* **P****i****n**: Okay!

[*Pin drops her ball into the hole.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: And that means you two are done. Go ahead, watch Pen's show without me.

[*Pencil sits down.*]

* **Ma****tch**: Girl, like, meditate.
* **P****i****n**: Well, I'm off!

[*Exit* **Pin**.]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Does she not know that Moderation Island is 4,000 kilometres away?
* **P****i****n**: [*in the distance*] *That's what makes it fun!*

[*Black Hole gestures for his friends to come out of the house. They nod from inside and get out.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Pencil, I don't mean to be a burden as you, er, asceticize, but how will we be scored in this challenge?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Time. You put your ball in the hole 4.9 seconds after it was thrown, so you get 49 points; likewise, Pin gets 114 points because she got hers in the hole less quickly than you did.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: That... I can live with that.
* **P****e****nci****l**: We're basing it on deciseconds, so you get ten times the time it takes for you to get the ball in the hole.
* **Ma****tch**: Omg, if there are, like, *deci*seconds, are there *lucy*-seconds too?

[*Silence. Pencil looks at Match as* **Tree**, **Pie** *and* **Gregg** *enter, getting close enough to Black Hole to orbit him.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: No.
* **Ma****tch**: Well, I'm off!

[*Exit* **Match**, *running to the sea. Pencil lets out an unnecessarily long sigh. Fade to black.*]

## Pre-contest (with Pen)

[*Intro, which isn't the usual theme used in episodes 38–41. The opening credits are displayed on a physical screen and not at the bottom in the form of subtitles; and the music is another modified version of the "Gibberish!!" melody, this time played on synth and trumpet and accompanied by game show sound effects. Fittingly, it's called "Super", and it sounds like this.*]

### **Spinalonga Studios**

**Scene**The number of points that Pin and Black Hole have just received changes on the scoreboard, but the filling-up audience hardly notice. (In true Greek style, Pen's family are still not present, and the entire front row is vacant.) Backstage, **Pen** takes a quick glance at the audience, who are too busy talking to notice him. **Remote** and **Tennis Ball**, the first pair of contestants competing in the challenge, do their own things in the background, while **Coiny** and **Golf Ball** look more relaxed. **Anat** is with them.
#### Backstage

* **P****e****n**: What a crowd. How many seats does this place have, Anat? 50? 100?
* **A****na****t**: 375.
* **P****e****n**: Gee, that's a lot more than 50.
* **A****na****t**: Yes.
* **Q****.****T.**: [*off-screen*] *We're on in three minutes!*
* **P****e****n**: Hey, shouldn't you be at the judges' table with Ibtisam?
* **A****na****t**: I should, but I think it's better to stand in front of Q.T., cue you with him. Stand up front and get close to you.
* **P****e****n**: Alright then, best of luck to ya. [*salutes her*]

[**Anat** *makes her way to the front of the audience and stands in front of* **Q.T.**]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: How are you feeling?
* **P****e****n**: I'm so *amped* for this, aren't you guys? [*fist-pumps the air*] Whoo!
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: I would if I only knew what that felt like.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Didn't you try to plug yourself into an amplifier last week?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: S-h-h.

[*Enter* **Evgenios**, *holding a script and walking briskly. Soni exspectati of greeting. He stops in front of Pen.*]

* **Evgen****ios**: Hello. I have much of the script ready to go and I'm willing to improvise if I need to, but there's something I still have to fill in. It's about you, Pen.
* **P****e****n**: Cool, I love last-minute interviews! [*poses*] How do I look? Can everyone see me?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: [*walking by*] That's a matter of a few minutes, dum-dum. /j
* **Evgen****ios**: No, I mean, how shall I address you when you step up to your podium?
* **P****e****n**: Ha, well, most people who don't know me just call me the guy from BFDI with the cap.
* **Evgen****ios**: Good to know, thank you. [*going*]
* **P****e****n**: Oh, wait! Evgenios, since you're Greek, could you please translate something for me? My family's in the audience and I want to give 'em a special welcome.
* **Evgen****ios**: I can do that, but I have to go to my box soon. [*points up at the announcer's box high above the audience*]
* **P****e****n**: No sweat, buddy. [*pats his back*]

#### Audience

[*View of the almost full audience: over 300 people are present at this point, most of them Moderation Islanders we've never seen before, but there are also some contestants and Nixefta from previous episodes, not to mention all of Pen's close family from Canada, who have taken up almost the entire front left of the audience. Sitting near the middle is an older gentleman whom* Pencil 2.O *fans may recognize as (an aged version of)* **Aristotelis**, *Pen and Eraser's father. Next to him sits his wife and Match's mother,* **Katarzyna**. *Towards the far-left wall sit eighteen other unnamed family members, ranging from young children to very old adults. Towards the right, next to Aristotelis, sit* **Ruby** *and* **Bubble**.]

* **R****u****b****y**: Isn't this exciting?
* **B****u****b****b****l****e**: Yoya! This is so much better than my underrated Season 10 guest appoirance!

[*Ruby taps Ari(stotelis) on the shoulder, who is talking to Kat(arzyna). Meanwhile,* **Evgenios** *walks along the beam high above the audience to get to the announcer's post, but hardly anyone in the audience notices him.*]

* **R****u****b****y**: Excuse me, mister dude, have you got any more of those sugar sweets?

[*Confused, Ari pauses to take get something out of his satchel, but he stops as soon as the set darkens, because...*]

## Contest (henceforth with Pen)

### Show introduction

#### Main studio

[*It's showtime! A loop of the game show's synthesized theme music can be heard, its intro not so different from that of "Diggi-loo Diggi-ley", while the backdrop darkens. This awkwardly makes the side scoreboard the only thing illuminated besides the red outline of the set. Thanks, Firey Jr.*]

* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: I'd better get out of here... [*Exit.*]

[*As* **Firey Jr.** *disappears (so to say), he passes his mother* **Leafy**, *who is behind the curtain wordlessly wishing good luck to* **Teardrop** *and her talking headband. He brushes it off and jumps into the cup holder in the far-right seat in the front of the audience. View of the neon-adorned set in its entirety as the music continues—this is the part where the viewers at home see the colourful graphics and the name of the programme, as announced by the off-screen voice of Evgenios Xylouris.*]

* **Evgen****ios**: It's *TPOT*... It's *Still TPOT*!

#### Backstage

[**Emre Eşgüdüm** *gives the starting signal to* **Coiny**, **Remote**, **Tennis Ball** *and* **Golf Ball***.* **Pen** *paces* *around in the background, holding the little sheet of paper on which the Greek salutation has been written.*]

* **Emre** **Eşgüdüm**: Now's your cue!
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: We'll be top-class!
* **Golf Ball**: Tell it to my heart.
* **Emre** **Eşgüdüm**: It's time! Good luck, everyone!

[*The doors open and the applause of the audience can be heard.*]

* **Emre** **Eşgüdüm**: *İyi şanslar, bonne chance, bil tawfiq!*

[*Exeunt omnes. Manet* **Emre Eşgüdüm**, *who motions for* **Teardrop** *and* **Gelatin** *to come on stage soon. They are too busy playing on their YeFones to notice.*]

#### Main studio

[*Another view of the set. Applause throughout.*]

* **Evgen****ios**: Our special guests today, from *The Power of Two*: Tennis "T.B." Ball... and Remote Control Monteiro!

[*Enter* **Tennis Ball** *and* **Remote** *through the door near the back of the set. Golf Ball and Coiny are in the background trying not to be seen (but their presence can still be felt). On stage, Tennis Ball and Remote bow ceremoniously and step aside.*]

* **Evgen****ios**: Also from *The Power of Two*: Golf "G.B." Ball... and Coiniel Lincoln!

[*Enter* **Golf Ball** *and* **Coiny** *in the same way. While Coiny bows, Golf Ball spins around—an outdated manner of bowing for armless people. Both move a little away from each other.*]

* **Evgen****ios**: And the star of *STPOT*: the guy from BFDI with the cap!

### Host introduction

[*As the table and the attached chairs where the contestants and players will sit comes in from who knows where,* **Pen** *steps through the door and looks genuinely surprised at how he's been introduced. He smiles and looks around the audience, immediately noticing the particularly loud bunch in the front seats: his relatives. For a brief moment, he tries to discern with his eyes which of them is his father, before realizing that he's supposed to talk. He does so, but amidst the welcoming volume—not even his voice is loud enough to penetrate the hooting and hollering of almost 400 people.*]

* **P****e****n**: *A'ight!* [*extends his hand to the camera—a gesture he had promised to make to a certain someone*] *Hi, Penc!*

[*Remembering their cues,* **Coiny** *and* **Golf Ball** *move to the background behind the table, where they sit back away from the action and act as spectators for the time being, as it's time for* **Tennis Ball** *and* **Remote** *to play—they sit in the middle two of the four chairs at the table, facing the audience, of course. Pen helps them both to their seats and eventually finds the camera.*]

* **P****e****n**: A'ight, thank you. I thank you so much, and from the bottom of my ink chamber, I welcome each and every one of you to *STPOT*. [*instinctively winks and air-kisses the audience*]

[*WooOOOoo from the audience, especially from the women. One of them shouts out to him.*]

* **Woman #3**: We love you, Pen!
* **P****e****n**: Oh, stop it, you're flattering me! But hey, let me tell you something: I was today years old when I found out what this show was called.

[*Quiet laughter.*]

* **P****e****n**: No, I'm serious! In the three days I've been getting ready here, everyone kept saying things like *this show*, *our programme*, y'know, *euphemisms*—that's a word that comes from the Greek roots *eu* for *good* and *phemism* for... Oh, I won't bore you with the details now. Look at me, goin' on about Greek roots when we have a crowd of Greeks in the audience. [*Loud applause.*] They're sitting in the front row and they're my family, as a matter of fact; and have I got a few words for them.

[*He chuckles and squeezes the back of his cap; he's a bit nervous. His family look at him with rapt attention. He then looks up at Evgenios, who has hastily written Pen's message in Greek (phonetically, of course).*]

* **P****e****n**: They're waiting for me to say... "*TH*EN KSEH-RE-TEH POS-OH EVG-NO-MON EE-MAY POO SAS EH-*KH*O E-*TH*O, KEL-PEE-ZO NAH SAS KAH-NO PE-REE-FA-NOOS A-POPE-SAY". [*Subtitles: "You guys don't know how grateful I am to have you here, and I hope I can make you proud tonight."*]

[*Great applause, as Pen pumps his fist in success.*]

* **P****e****n**: *Yes!*
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Are there any other languages you're proficient in?
* **P****e****n**: Well, I'm fluent in one more, having been lovingly raised in four cultures. Man, I love Toronto.

[*Light laughter and a short cheer from his family.*]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: That was a social cue, Pen.

[*Even louder laughter. Pen realizes.*]

* **P****e****n**: Oh! I'm terribly sorry, I've been talking about myself so much that I haven't introduced you guys properly!

### Contestant introductions (Group 1)

* **P****e****n**: So Remote, you haven't said anything yet. What's up with you?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Okay. Last week I tried to plug myself into an amplifier. [*Laughter.*]
* **P****e****n**: And, uh... why did you do that?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: I wanted to know what it felt like. [*Laughter.*]
* **P****e****n**: That's a good reason. Hey, do you know if the rest of the pact are coming?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: They should be here soon.
* **P****e****n**: [*to the audience*] For those of you who don't know: Remote and I are both members of Death PACT. It's a wonderful group of real good friends who do just about everything together.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Except prevent death.
* **P****e****n**: Yes, we prevent death. [*Light laughter.*] And now for Tennis Ball. Eyy, TB, how you doin'? Any good news?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Not since the last time we talked.
* **P****e****n**: And when was that?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: About five minutes ago.

[*Laughter.*]

* **P****e****n**: So how are the grandkids doing?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: They're swell. [*nods*]
* **P****e****n**: You're a man of few words, eh, TB?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: I'm just a bit nervous; maybe that's why I'm speaking so tersely. When you're in front of the camera like this, it can really change your mindset.
* **P****e****n**: Don't look at it that way, the camera loves me!

[*Laughter, as Pen slowly turns to the audience.*]

* **P****e****n**: You. I mean you.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: It's a good thing I have you around to divert the attention from me. /hj
* **P****e****n**: [*trying not to laugh*] Mercy, sir, I didn't mean it like that! Well... why don't we bring out our players for the—

[*Golf Ball clears her throat not so subtly from the back. All turn around.*]

* **Golf Ball**: Eccchh! Ehh-emm! Euoaueouaoaauia!
* **P****e****n**: What you've just heard is the well familiar voice of Golf Ball. She and Coiny are sitting as spectators at the moment, but we'll be hearing much more from them as the game goes on.
* **Co****i****ny**: [*reclining in the back*] Well said!
* **P****e****n**: And speaking of the game...

### Player introductions (Group 1)

* **P****e****n**: Let's meet our first players, shall we? Come on in, Teardrop and Gelatin, I won't bite.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: [*Aside, to Tennis Ball.*] That's a lie.

[*Applause. Enter* **Teardrop** *and* **Gelatin**, *who sit down next to Tennis Ball and Remote, respectively.*]

* **P****e****n**: Nice to see you both. [*as the applause dies down*] Since Remote was the first to introduce herself, her partner had better start off this time. Gelatin, why don't you introduce yourself, if you please.
* **Gela****tin**: *Hola, hola, hola,* it's your dangerous jelly boy, Gelatín Fernández Zanello, coming to you live out of the Equation Playground!

[*Whoo's and great applause, especially from the Moderation Islanders (most of whom are objects).*]

* **P****e****n**: Now that's an introduction! Care to tell us more?
* **Gela****tin**: Okay. I'm originally from Buenos Aires, Argentina, and I also competed in BFDIA and BFB, you know, a hundred years ago. I got second place!

[*Applause. Gelatin looks at the audience and waves.*]

* **Gela****tin**: Thank you, I'll be here all day.
* **P****e****n**: So will I.
* **Gela****tin**: Yep, and I was also arrested and put on probation for impersonating a famous person.
* **P****e****n**: Okay. Thanks for sharing, Gelatin. I can see someone on the sidelines writing this down: [*falsetto*] "A criminal record, *oddio!*" [*regular voice*] But back to BFB—you and I competed in that show back in the sixties, remember?
* **Gela****tin**: Yeah. You're the guy who's zillions in debt!
* **P****e****n**: Er, haha, we mustn't talk about that now. [*glances down at his family*]
* **Gela****tin**: 'Kay.
* **P****e****n**: So how's life been treating you since the show?
* **Gela****tin**: Pretty good. Right after you saw me running inland in the industrial sunset, I worked for a while in a company I co-founded. Eventually we earned so much money that we moved to the Equation Playground, and, well... here I am, back on Earth. [*censored with the "Ksh-word" noise*] my life.

[*Laughter and applause.*]

* **P****e****n**: Ba-hack on Earth indeed, and we're very glad to have you here, sir. And now to you, Teardrop. D'ya think you can top Fast Gelatin's adventure?

[*Teardrop brings out her keyboard. With that, she begins to speak in a text-to-speech voice that hardly differs from Remote's.*]

* **Teardrop**:  Sure. Hi, my name is Teardrop-Marie Träinen (you can call me TD) and I also come from the Equation Playground.

[*Applause.*]

* **Teardrop**:  I'm a comic book artist and a bus driver. Obviously not at the same time.  [*Light laughter.*]  As for my earthly life, I've lived in Europe and Africa, where they tried to make me "say a few lines" for BFDI, BFDIA, IDFB and BFB. Four seasons of this chiz, can you imagine?  [*Tennis Ball nods.*]  And now I can, thanks to this thing. I bet you're all wondering what it can do.  [*points at her device*]
* **P****e****n**: It's what we were thinking, but we weren't sure if we should, y'know, inquire about it.
* **Teardrop**:  No, no, it's cool. This speech synthesizer is my means of communication, which I've been wearing for seven years. I can type in any word and it comes out in a Cockney accent. You should see my Earth family's reactions when I speak to them in Luxembourgish.  [*Laughter.*]
* **P****e****n**: Wow... that's awesome!

[*Applause.*]

* **R****e****m****ot****e**: [*from the other side of the table*] He thinks the TV turning on is awesome.

[*Laughter, as Pen briefly looks at the camera and straightens his tie.*]

* **Teardrop**:  Hey, Remote, we have the same type of voice.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Twins-eyes.

[*They both wave their fingers at each other. Applause.*]

### 100 Puzzle

* **P****e****n**: Okay! It is now time for the first part of today's game, the 100 Puzzle.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Whatever happened to puzzles 1 to 99?
* **Gela****tin**: I ate them. [*Laughter.*]
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Ha ha, ha ha.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: So who gets to play first?
* **P****e****n**: As determined by a coin flip, you and Teardrop will. Coiny's not sitting behind you, so we sort of *flipped* it to the other team, if you know what I mean.

[*Silence, followed by light laughter.*]

* **P****e****n**: [*to the audience*] Ah, now you get it. My trigger-sharp mind rides again.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Unfortunately.
* **P****e****n**: When the time comes, you'll get the word you want your partner to guess in your monitors.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: I assume that by monitors you're talking about these things. [*indicates the card-like devices on the table*]
* **P****e****n**: That's right. If you're ready to go, you two, just take a long, hard look and you'll see the word in there, and so will the folks at home. Good luck to you all, and the word should come up right now. Tennis Ball, please.

[*Be-be-be-beep! The password appears:* **SPLIT**.]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Uh... *bifurcation*.
* **Teardrop**: **PARTITION**.
* **P****e****n**: What a great clue! Remote?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: *Fork*.
* **Gela****tin**: **OBSESSION**.
* **P****e****n**: Tennis Ball again.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: *Banana*...
* **Teardrop**: **SPLIT**.

[*Ding! Applause.*]

* **Teardrop**:  I was about to say *Bomby*.
* **P****e****n**: A good thing you didn't, eh? [*as* **SPLIT** *is revealed on the board*] Okay! On the board there's *split*. What could it possibly be, TD?
* **Teardrop**:  Um... a  **SOMERSAULT**.
* **P****e****n**: [*loudly*] Is it *a somersault?*

[*Bzzt!*]

* **P****e****n**: Excellent guess, it should have been! Tennis Ball, your word again.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: I can't tell which is louder: the buzzer or your voice. [*Laughter.*]
* **P****e****n**: [*giggles*] Oh, stop it, Teebs.

[*Be-be-be-beep! The password appears:* **SHOW**.]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Eh-em... *programme*.
* **Teardrop**: **SHOW**.

[*Ding! Applause.*]

* **P****e****n**: Yep! [*as* **SHOW** *is revealed on the board*] On the board, *split* and *show*. Teardrop?
* **Teardrop**: ***THE POWER OF TWO***.
* **P****e****n**: [*English-accented*] Is it *The Power of Twooooooooo?*

[*Multiple dings and applause as the puzzle-word,* **"THE POWER OF TWO"**, *is revealed on the board.*]

* **P****e****n**: [*still English-accented*] Well, by gum, it is! Our very first puzzle, and it's the show we're on at this very moment.
* **Gela****tin**: Nice going, Teedster!
* **Teardrop**:  I bet you wouldn't have known that, Gel.
* **P****e****n**: You didn't need **ALMOST**, **FIFTEEN** *or* **YEARS**, which means Teardrop, you win yourself 100 Moderation Island dollars and TB, you also get—
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: 100 points?
* **P****e****n**: No.

[*Laughter.*]

* **P****e****n**: You get yourself 10 points. [*Applause.*] That's good enough for you, right, old sport?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: It's not much... but I guess I'll take it.
* **P****e****n**: I'm so glad you feel that way.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: I'm practically bouncing with excitement. /s
* **P****e****n**: Haha, up next is the 200 Puzzle, or for you guys, the *20 Puzzle*, in which the players give the clues and you two guess. The team who wins this round will go onto the next one and might even win a chance at ending up at our little end game... [*Music.*] So don't go away, all, 'cause we're off to do a little business with the Equation Playground, as they say.

[*Applause, as Pen smiles and waves at the camera. Just as in the original show, his dialogue fades out as we take a commercial break, or, in this show, a brief glimpse of the subplot with Pencil.*]

## Fovitwe scene

[*Pencil is on the phone with Match.* **Bok** *is in the background talking to her friends from outside.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Knew you couldn't resist orbiting around Black Hole. [*Pause.*] What do you mean, you've always wanted to try it? [*Pause.*] Okay, okay, Match, I get it. Listen, I'd better wrap this contest up... all by myself! [*Pause.*] Okay, Aye. *The* Match. Goodbye.

[*Pencil hangs up, sighs and notices the lone ball that is not in the hole. She picks it up and is about to throw it in.* **Bok** *suddenly* *bursts into the scene and says a recycled line from BFDIA.*]

* **B****o****k**: *Waaaaaaaait!*
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*startled*] Oh! Hello, Bok.
* **B****o****k**: H- hello, Pencil.

[*Awkward silence.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Why are we in silence?
* **B****o****k**: Because you're not supposed to do that! Don't tell Clock, but I also double as a cheap copy of the *TPOT Game Rules*.
* **P****e****nci****l**: What are you talking about?
* **B****o****k**: Here. [*opens herself, and Pencil looks inside her*] "A host may not aid facilitation between the contestant to get their self a betterer score." That means you can't throw the ball on my behalf; that would be considered wrong.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Didn't understand a word of that.
* **B****o****k**: I told you, I'm a *cheap* copy of the rules. This was before editing.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Ah. Well, if you insist, I'll give you the ball. You deserve the points on your own merit or some other commendable words our hosts would love to hear.

[*Pencil hands Bok the ball. She holds on to it.*]

* **B****o****k**: I don't mean to be rude, but... is this real? [*points at Pencil*]
* **P****e****nci****l**: Aye, the EXIT hasn't got any wood implants.
* **B****o****k**: *No*, I mean, your being nice. This doesn't seem like something that would happen to me, not even in a dream!
* **P****e****nci****l**: What do you mean? I'm always nice to you!
* **B****o****k**: Yeah, about that...

[*Bok looks away.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: What?
* **B****o****k**: I don't really think you were all those years ago.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Are you talking about when I killed Pen when we were still in hate with each other? 'Cos I can tell you, we made up remarkably well after Two sucked us in.

[*Bok looks at Pencil confused, for she has never experienced death at the hands of an Algebralien before.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: I'm serious, Bok, the second we regained consciousness in there, we were practically on top of each other like in one of those Japanese writing boxes.
* **B****o****k**: At least *he* got an apology.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Honestly, no. Soon as we saw each other, it was like the olden days all over again. He said to me, "*Vool-eh voo koo-shay ah-veck mwa*", and I asked him "Why were you speaking French", and he told me, "It's a song, Pencil", and I was like, "Is it from the seventies", and he was like, "You got it, champ", and I was like, "In that case I must have missed it", and he was like, "Y'know what else you missed", and then he leaned over with hearts in his eyes so I threatened to send him to the stationers' and then I kissed him and he kissed me and dot dot dot and surely after ten seconds we were back together again.
* **B****o****k**: Pencil, that's not what I wanted to talk to you about.

[*Bok walks around Pencil melodramatically.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Then what is it?
* **B****o****k**: It's about in BFDIA.
* **P****e****nci****l**: That was more than twenty years ago, if I recall correctly.
* **B****o****k**: So? The memories and everything related to it live on into the present. The other day I got a phone call from my friend who told me she still gets accused of abandonment because of my actions in BFB. Another friend of mine hung up when she heard your name!

[*Pencil looks sad.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Oh... I'm... I'm sorry for hurting you, Bok.
* **B****o****k**: Then go tell *them* that. Look, maybe I've grown myself and learnt not to hold such a terrible grudge against you. I mean, I've worked up the courage to walk up and talk to you without running away, well?
* **P****e****nci****l**: I suppose.
* **B****o****k**: [*realizing*] But... maybe the reason I was so worried to talk to you was because of the way you treated my friends. Yes. Give me all the *skit* you want as I've been through enough, but when you mess with my friends, that's what upsets me! Oh, wow! I feel so much better now that I've let that out!
* **P****e****nci****l**: As you should.
* **B****o****k**: I feel like a brand-new Bok! Thank you, Pencil, I'm going for a skip!

[*Exit* **Bok**, *skipping around the back.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: [*calling after her*] So we're friends then?
* **B****o****k**: [*off-screen*] We can act like acquaintances!
* **P****e****nci****l**: That's okay with me! [*smiles very slightly*] I sigh...

## Contest

### 200 Puzzle

[*The commercial break is over and we see* **Teardrop**, **Tennis Ball**, **Pen**, **Remote** *and* **Gelatin** *in the same places they were before. Applause—the previous scene has pre-empted the first two passwords in the puzzle:* **QUIET** *and* **ELIMINATED**. *They're on the third word by now.*]

* **Gela****tin**: *Remote*.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Yes?
* **Gela****tin**: No, the clue's *Remote*.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Oh, okay. **ME**.
* **P****e****n**: Teardrop.
* **Teardrop**:  *Teilnehmer*.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: **CONTESTANT**.

[*Ding! Applause.*]

* **P****e****n**: Yes, that's it. [*as* **CONTESTANT** *is revealed on the board*]
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: How did you know that word, Tennis Ball?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: I remember seeing it a lot in my TPOT contestant contract, which I ordered in German. [*Beat.*] What? I wanted to practise a little. I *am* of German descent.

[*One clap from the audience. Pen laughs at the paucity.*]

* **P****e****n**: There's that one guy in the audience who's... oh, never mind, heh. We now have *quiet*, *eliminated*, *contestant*. For the game, what could that be, TB?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Is it... **NEEDLE**?
* **P****e****n**: Is it *Needle*?

[*Bzzt!*]

* **P****e****n**: Certainly qualifies, Needle's a quiet contestant who was eliminated a couple of years ago. That I remember.
* **Need****le**: [*in the audience*] Hmmph!
* **P****e****n**: Okay, moving right along. Teardrop, it's your turn again.

[*Be-be-be-beep! The password appears:* **WANTS**.]

* **Teardrop**:  *Will*.  [*pronounced "vill"*]
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: **CORAL**?
* **P****e****n**: No. Gelatin.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Iowa moment.
* **Gela****tin**: *Desires*.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Um. Um. Um. Um. [*Bzzt!*]
* **P****e****n**: Nope, it's not *um, um, um, um*, that'd be four words, like *re-frig-erato-r*. /hj [*Light laughter.*] TD?
* **Teardrop**:  *Möchte*.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: "Mo-etch-tee"... **WANTING**.

[*Ding! Applause.*]

* **P****e****n**: You got it! [*as* **WANTS** *is revealed on the board*] It's a form of the word, but we'll allow it! So now there's *quiet*, *eliminated*, *contestant*, *wants*, Tennis Ball, you get to guess.

[*Ee-ee-ee-ee! That's the "wrong" buzzer—everyone is confused.*]

* **P****e****n**: No? Er, Rajko, you're the one with the buzzer. What happened?
* **Ra****jk****o**: [*off-screen*] It is clear that Mr. Ball and Miss Träinen both know German.
* **P****e****n**: And that's considered cheating, eh? [*looks down*] Well, what do the rest of yous think?
* **Ib****t****i****s****am**: [*off-screen*] Foreign languages are allowed unless both speak them.
* **P****e****n**: Wow, I never thought of it that way.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Ver*dant*, we got caught, and I'm not even a native speaker.
* **Teardrop**:  Aw, darn.
* **P****e****n**: And that means no one gets to guess. How's it feel to snag a turn like that, Fast Gelatin?
* **Gela****tin**: Great, and thanks for using that nickname!

[*Be-be-be-beep! The password appears:* **REVENGE**.]

* **P****e****n**: A-*ha*, I think I got it now.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Well, don't say it.
* **P****e****n**: Hey, I'm good at keeping things in. Gelatin?
* **Gela****tin**: *Nerds*.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: **HEY**.

[*Silence for a few seconds until Rajko realizes that's her guess. Bzzt!*]

* **P****e****n**: Seems that was your guess, Remote.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: That was kind of insulting.
* **Gela****tin**: My bad.
* **Teardrop**:  What did he say?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Do not say it again.
* **P****e****n**: He said *nerds*. [*Remote rolls her eyes.*] TD, it's your turn now, and maybe it'd be best to do it in English this time. [*Laughter.*]
* **Teardrop**:  Fine.  [*to Tennis Ball*]  Avengers.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: **SPIES**.
* **P****e****n**: Gelatin again.
* **Gela****tin**: *Vengeance*.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: **REVENGE**.

[*Ding! Applause.*]

* **P****e****n**: For the game, Remote: we have *quiet*, *eliminated*, *contestant*, *wants*, *revenge*. Who or what could that be?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: [*looks at the audience for a second*] **ROBOT FLOWER**.

[*Groans from the audience.*]

* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: [*in the audience, between to Eggy and Needle*] Really?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Y'all don't know her like I do. [*Laughter.*]
* **P****e****n**: Is it *Rrrrrobot Flower*?

[*Bzzt!*]

* **P****e****n**: It's not her, but that was a great guess, wonderful guess!
* **Gela****tin**: Is it my go then? [*Pen nods.*] Well, it has to be the namesake of my old team, vengeful little **ICE CUBE**.
* **P****e****n**: Is it... vengeful little *Ice Cuuuuuube?*

[*Multiple dings and applause as the puzzle-word,* **ICE CUBE**, *is revealed on the board.*]

* **P****e****n**: *It iiiiiiiisss!* Well done, Gelatin! You win this round, giving yourself $200 and your partner, Remote, 20 points; and not only that, but you...

### Ksh-word Round

[*Ubulubululubulup! The words "Ksh-WORD" appear on the screen, startling everyone.*]

* **Teardrop**:  Hell is that noise?
* **P****e****n**: It's now time for me to bring out my little friend.

[*Pen pulls out a weird-looking box from under the table. For some reason it has the flag of Zimbabwe on it.*]

* **P****e****n**: Looks real nice, eh? This is the "Magic Pasta Cooker". [*Laughter.*]
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: And you... decided to call it that, why?
* **P****e****n**: Well, it looks like one.

[*As Pen speaks, we briefly see* **Black Hole** *quietly fly into the studio as* **Pie**, **Tree**, **Gregg** *and* **Pin** *and* **Match** *orbit around him. Black Hole sits down above one of the empty seats near the front and seats everyone down around him, attracting the attention of a few people.*]

* **P****e****n**: I would know, 'cause I grew up in a semi-Italian household, as a matter of fact.
* **Gela****tin**: My mom grew up in a semi-Italian colony.
* **P****e****n**: Ahahah! That was a good one, Gelatin.
* **Gela****tin**: [*to the audience*] Istria, people, look it up.
* **P****e****n**: Now, Remote, you have three chances to clue your partner in on the word in the pasta cooker.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: The *cuocipasta*.
* **P****e****n**: [*pinching his fingers*] *Sì, sì, bella telecomanda, la cuocipasta.* [*Laughter.*] And if he guesses it, he wins $1,000 in the form of a cheque, courtesy of our great production company.

[*Applause, as the camera zooms in on Pen's hand on the cheque. He has a hard time letting go of it.*]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Wow, Pen, even the money likes your grip.

[*Laughter, as Remote takes the cheque from Pen and waves it in Gelatin's face.*]

* **R****e****m****ot****e**: See the cheque, jelly boy?
* **Gela****tin**: $1,000. Hey, I can earn a lot more than that where I work.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Hush, pleb. [*Laughter.*]

[*Ding! The word appears on the "Magic Pasta Cooker", as well as on the screen:* **GOIKY**.]

* **P****e****n**: Alright, Remote, the word's already out, and I'm sure Fast Gelatin would love to hear your clue #1.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Um... *Ear—*
* **Gela****tin**: **FORK**.
* **P****e****n**: Clue #2.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: *Forma—*
* **Gela****tin**: **FORK**.
* **P****e****n**: [*stifling a laugh*] Clue #3.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: *Name*.
* **Gela****tin**: Fffff.... **GOIKY**!

[*Ding-ding-ding! Music and applause.*]

* **P****e****n**: Wowie, you got it: F'goiky! Congratulations, Gelatin, you got yourself $1,000!
* **Gela****tin**: [*raising his arms*] Ah yeah!
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: But what do I win?
* **P****e****n**: You've been secured a place in the final round! [*Applause.*]
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: That's nice.
* **Teardrop**:  And what do I win?
* **P****e****n**: Teardrop, you get some real nice parting gifts. I've been told that they're rare cheeses from Luxembourg.
* **Teardrop**:  Oh, I am familiar with *Kachkéis*, but thank you.
* **P****e****n**: You were just *super* out there, and it was real wonderful to see you again too.
* **Teardrop**:  Well, I really enjoyed it here.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Yeah, you were top-class.
* **P****e****n**: Alright! [*shakes her hand*] Now as for the rest of the game, we'll get into that later, so don't go away and I can safely say I'll be back on the spot with some more *Still TPOT*!

[*Music, drowns out the dialogue.*]

## Fovitwe scene

[**Bok** *and* **Pencil***, sitting near the centre of the Fovitwe, talk to each other like old friends, thus breaking Bok's request for her and Pencil to act like acquaintances.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: And I told her, "Omg! We left Dora in Brazil!", and everyone was like, "Who cares?"
* **B****o****k**: Wow. I never thought about how easy it could be for us to sit down and have a chat together. I must be honest, I really miss the good moments we had in FreeSmart. You know, with me and you and Bubble and Ruby and Ice Cube...
* **P****e****nci****l**: And Match.

[*Bok makes a reverse breathing noise.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: What's wrong? Wait, let me answer that: You're not exactly chuffed that I brought up Match's name because many years ago you said—and I remember clearly—

[*Flashback to BFB 14, when Bok (then known as Book) was having her talk with Pin.*]

**B****o****k**: I don't want to associate with Match, with FreeSmart ever again!
[*End flashback.*]

* **B****o****k**: Wow. You have a good memory. And you weren't even there!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Oh, Bok, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but is there anything you'd like to tell Match if she were here now?
* **B****o****k**: Well, uh... no. All I want is for her to apologize to the rest of the old team; the way she treated Bubble in that game show challenge all those years ago is totally heinous, and the fact that she's off to see Pen's game show makes it even more heinous, strangely enough. I don't even know how to feel about that yet!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Okay.

[*Silence for a few seconds, as Pencil puts her fingers up to her* *ears* *and closes her eyes.*]

* **B****o****k**: Wh- what are you doing?
* **P****e****nci****l**: She'd probably say sorry.
* **B****o****k**: How do you know?
* **P****e****nci****l**: I've just read her mind. Best friends have that sort of ability.
* **B****o****k**: So I've heard. But... I don't know. I want her to be here in person to tell me how sorry she is! To seal the deal and all that, you know?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Oh, uh, ergh.
* **B****o****k**: I'm sorry?
* **P****e****nci****l**: No, it's... I've read too much of her mind. Suddenly I feel the urge to perform ablution.
* **B****o****k**: Like Black Hole before his daily prayers?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Exactly. That girl can be so deviant sometimes.
* **B****o****k**: Good, now I know it's her.

[*Both laugh and get up. Gaty, Saw and Genderfluid Book disappear from the scene, unnoticed.*]

* **B****o****k**: Well, since I seem to have got an apology from you and Match, I feel okay.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Aww, and now I think I'd better silently apologize to everyone else I've wronged. We've still time; we're going to Moderation Island so we can finally watch Pen's contest, right?
* **B****o****k**: Yeah! Ruby's going to be there!
* **P****e****nci****l**: That's so rad!
* **B****o****k**: I know, right?

[*Suddenly,* **Gaty**, **Saw** *and* **Genderfluid Book** *appear out of nowhere. Genderfluid Book and Gaty quickly dig a hole, pick Pencil up off from the ground and stick her in it. Saw kicks dirt over her while shouting.*]

* **S****aw**: *Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!*
* **P****e****nci****l**: What the hell is going on?
* **G****at****y**: Plan B! We're getting you out of here and into safety, Bergjord!
* **B****o****k**: What? I don't need safety; Pencil and I are practically friends now!
* **P****e****nci****l**: She has received and I've given apologies by the number! It's a bit of a two-way process, so to speak.
* **S****aw**: Wait, what?
* **Gen****der****flu****id** **Boo****k**: *Det var som faen*, we were eavesdropping wrong! [*Bok rolls her eyes.*]
* **G****at****y**: The tape recorder app is in red, GB.
* **Gen****der****flu****id** **Boo****k**: Whoops.

[*Awkward silence.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Will somebody get me out of here?

## Contest

[*After the commercial break. Gelatin and Teardrop have gone backstage.* **Golf Ball** *and* **Coiny** *have taken the place of* **Remote** *and* **Tennis Ball** *(who are now sitting in the back). They surround* **Pen**, *whose clothes are a little messier than before, and he smiles as if nothing has happened.*]

* **P****e****n**: Okay, we are back, and in style! What do you guys think of those new baggy clothes?
* **Golf Ball**: They look terrible.

[*Laughter, as Pen looks at the camera.*]

* **P****e****n**: Guess you're wondering what's happened to my suit and tie since we last saw each other.
* **Co****i****ny**: I saw it all and it *suits* you, dude. Ge-*tie*-t?

[*Mix of laughter and groans. Pen pats Coiny on the back.*]

* **P****e****n**: You're real funny! Ah, one thing you guys should know is that when we're not on the air, we fool around a bit and do stuff you'll never get to see on screen.

[*Laughter.*]

* **P****e****n**: No, it's nothing bad, really, but I did the most foolish thing, I tell ya. I ran through the audience to get some free high fives, eh? [*Light laughter.*] Well, when I got to the back of the studio, I accidentally tripped and fell on a few of my not-so-secret admirers.

[*Cheers from about three audience members.*]

* **P****e****n**: [*waving at them*] That's you, the ones who tossed me around like I'm a "Pen doll" or something. Hey, I've seen them on the shelves. They look like me too. Super nice. They're said to cure pest infestations, as a matter of fact. [*Laughter and some more WoooOOoooos.*] Anyway, I've never surfed in my life and I'm sure I'd look silly doing it, but I sure hung ten above this crowd. Stay classy, gang.

[*Applause. Golf Ball rolls her eyes.*]

* **Golf Ball**: Introduce us already!

### Contestant introductions (Group 2)

* **P****e****n**: That's right! I'm sorry. Since you asked first, why don't you tell us what's up with you, GB?
* **Golf Ball**: Okay. My name is Golf Ball and my academic career goes back sixty years, long before your portable televisions and cassette tapes. No. Back then, we did everything by foot. [*Laughter.*] In 1932, I attended a well-known university, where some years later I met my professor husband Tennis Ball, whom you saw doing wonderfully in the previous round. But why should I define myself by my husband's achievements?
* **P****e****n**: Very liberated attitude you have there, Golf Ball. Right on, woman! [*thumbs-up her*]
* **Golf Ball**: Shut up, I'm not finished. [*Laughter—even Pen chuckles.*] I'm retired from teaching, so I no longer do *real* work. Before I joined BFDI, I was the superintendent of a large Iowa high school. My student minions called me *Queen*. [*Laughter, followed by applause.*]
* **P****e****n**: Thank you for sharing, but we want to know what's *new* with you, Your, uh, Majesty.

[*Pen bows to Golf Ball. Laughter.*]

* **Golf Ball**: That is new with me. There is nothing I forget.

[*Awkward silence.*]

* **P****e****n**: Uhm... what about you, Coiny? Anything you'd like to add?
* **Co****i****ny**: My dad's a cop. [*Laughter.*] I'm serious, that's all I have to share with you guys. I'm not as accomplished as old Geebs over there.
* **P****e****n**: Hey, that's cool, I'm not either!
* **Co****i****ny**: That's a lie, Pen, you've done plenty. There's a reason they used to call you the "town Jeep with teeth". /j

[*Raucous laughter. Pen flashes a smile at the camera and blushes at his old reputation. Anat briefly loses her balance out of shock and we can see Tree whispering something to Gregg in the audience, while Aristotelis (sitting in front of them) has absolutely no reaction.*]

* **Co****i****ny**: Okay, think that's my cue to leave. [*jokingly gets up*] Nah, just kidding. [*sits down and laughs*]
* **P****e****n**: Oh, Coiny, before you go, you still have to tell us more! Pin tells me you guys are moving, is that true?
* **Co****i****ny**: Yep. During the break, we're saying hello to California. [*Applause.*]
* **P****e****n**: Wow. Where in California yous goin'?
* **P****i****n**: [*proudly, from the audience*] Little Saigon!

[*Scattered applause.*]

* **P****i****n**: They got a mall there!
* **P****e****n**: That's awesome. Say hi to the people in Hollywood for me, will ya?
* **Co****i****ny**: 'Kay, I'll tell them about the struggling contestant/actor that lives next to us on the *TPOT* set. /j [*Laughter.*]
* **P****e****n**: Very much appreciated, big guy. And now's the time for you *and* Golf Ball to meet your partners, so...

### Player introductions (Group 2)

* **P****e****n**: I say we get 'em out here as soon as possible, what d'yous think?

[*Applause.*]

* **P****e****n**: Then enter *Leafy and Flowerrrrrrrrrr!*

[*Music and applause. Enter* **Leafy** *and* **Flower**, *who sit down next to Coiny and Golf Ball, respectively. The applause for them is much louder, considering how popular they are, even in the 1980s. Leafy waves at the audience, while Flower looks at them with suspicion.*]

* **P****e****n**: Eyy, I know those names! [*to the audience*] And you certainly know 'em too, considering how loudly you clapped.
* **Le****a****f****y**: [*nodding*] That's usually how it works.
* **P****e****n**: You bet it is. Say, it's great to see you after all these years. [*shakes her hand*] Flower, we'll hear from you in a minute, but for now, let's learn a little more about Leafy. [*Flower nods.*] Won't you tell us about yourself?
* **Le****a****f****y**: Um... sure! My name is Relief Barrett Blazett... [*Light laughter.*] Yes, that's my name, but most know me as Leafy. I am originally from a small island in the Caribbean called Grenada, but I'm currently living in America with my husband Firey.

[*View of* **Firey Jr.** *in the audience, giving his mother a myriad dirty looks. She doesn't notice him.*]

* **Le****a****f****y**: He currently works part-time as a pyrotechnician at the megachurch we frequent in Chicago.
* **Co****i****ny**: *Great commercial tree, yeaaaaaah!*

[*Laughter and some applause.*]

* **Le****a****f****y**: He's the reason Chicagossians see holy verses in the sky every Saturday night.
* **Co****i****ny**: Oh, that was Firey's doing? Suddenly I feel like catching up with him.
* **P****e****n**: But what about you, Leafy? Tell us about your life.
* **Le****a****f****y**: Not that I want to brag or anything, but I'm actually the minister of said megachurch. [*Applause.*]
* **P****e****n**: Hey, brag all you want. What you do sounds like a blast. I've always wanted to be Prime Minister.
* **Le****a****f****y**: Most of the time it is, as you say, a blast, but we have to share our time in the ministry with our 43 children. [*Murmurs from the audience.*] We would have had 45, but one of them got eaten by spice-loving vegetarians and our oldest one disappeared long ago. My husband and I miss them both dearly.

[*Awws from the audience. View of Firey Jr. again, who sits up from his cup holder seat.*]

* **P****e****n**: Aww, sorry to hear that. It must be awful to lose contact with your loved ones. [*briefly looks at his family and puts his hand on her shoulder*]
* **Le****a****f****y**: It's okay; I've learned that life goes on.
* **P****e****n**: Brah. [*Light laughter.*]
* **Le****a****f****y**: And I trust that Grace and Junior know that our doors are always open if they ever decide to come back, whether from the dead or from the unknown. [*Great applause.*] Can I get an *amen* up in here?
* **Audience**: [*not synchronized*] Amen!
* **P****e****n**: And amen from me to you, and a warm welcome to *Still TPOT*.
* **Le****a****f****y**: Hallelujah!

[*Applause.*]

* **P****e****n**: Now... [*finger-guns her*] Flower!
* **R****u****b****y**: [*stands up and raises her hands high*] ***YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!***

[*Ruby looks around the studio and sees that everyone is looking at her. She sits down slowly, giving everyone the side eye.*]

* **Fl****ow****er**: [*waves coyly*] Hi, Ruby. [*Laughter.*]
* **P****e****n**: You look like you're just dyin' to tell us your story. But first, nice to see you again! [*shakes her hand*]
* **Fl****ow****er**: Thank you. Say, in my 89 years of life, that was the nicest hand I've ever had the pleasure of shaking.
* **Co****i****ny**: He injects them with polyurethane.
* **P****e****n**: Don't tell 'em, Coiny! /j [*Laughter.*]
* **Fl****ow****er**: Um, can I start?
* **P****e****n**: Sure, why not? We've given Leafy Barrett Blazett some time to talk about herself and I think it's only fair that the one sitting beside her, or beside Golf Ball, I should say, tells us about what's going on in her life as well. Y'know, that reminds me of the time I—
* **Fl****ow****er**: I'm starting now.
* **Golf Ball**: I already don't like her and I still say she should start.

[*Laughter.*]

* **Fl****ow****er**: Okay, first of all, people call me Flower. It's not a stage name. It's real. Now my story might not be as exciting or tragic as Leafy's is, but I too have a song to sing.
* **P****e****n**: Oh.
* **Fl****ow****er**: And it started when I became, um, very successful in BFB.
* **P****e****n**: That's right, you won!
* **Fl****ow****er**: Way to rub it in, bigmouth. /j [*Laughter.*] Anyway, after doing that thing you said I did, I packed up the old purse and moved to the Equation Playground, where I've been living ever since.

[*Applause, especially from the Moderation Islanders. Flower raises her fingers in a "keep 'em coming" gesture.*]

* **Fl****ow****er**: In fact, I used that move as an opportunity to expand my adventures in business-sitting. Today I am the owner of the largest fashion company on the Equation Playground. [*Loud applause.*] It's called GelFlo Couture.

[*Brief chatter in the audience. Rajko facepalms and Q.T. looks like he's about to burst into tears.*]

* **P****e****n**: Ooooh, unfortunately, it looks like you broke a rule when you were introducing yourself.
* **Co****i****ny**: Guess you're not the only bigmouth here, huh?
* **P****e****n**: No, I am not. Um... [*reads Ibtisam's screen*] "All mentions of companies are prohibited."
* **Fl****ow****er**: Oh, for petal's sake, I *own* GelFlo Couture and it's made me very happy, so deal with it!

[*Even louder applause (the Moderation Islanders love a good rebel), as the crew members look at one another. Flower smiles at them.*]

* **P****e****n**: You heard her, gang; let's just deal with it! Now, how about we start already? It's time to win our contestants some points and our new friends some money!

[*Applause.*]

### 100 Puzzle

* **P****e****n**: Flower, Leafy, you've watched your pals in the last round. Do you need a recap of how it's done here?
* **Le****a****f****y**: No, sir.
* **Fl****ow****er**: I think we're good.
* **P****e****n**: Okay! Then it's time for the 100 Puzzle, and your first word will show up in your little television things shortly. Coiny, your word.

[*Be-be-be-beep! The password appears:* **AW**.]

* **Golf Ball**: Why him?
* **P****e****n**: Well, I think it's only natural that he wins any coin toss that he's involved in.
* **Co****i****ny**: Yeah, that makes sense.
* **P****e****n**: Don't tell me, Coiniel, tell the word. [*Laughter.*]
* **Co****i****ny**: Haha, okay. [*to Leafy*] *Adowwable*. [*Laughter, as he gives Leafy a "duck-lipped" expression.*]
* **Le****a****f****y**: **CUTE**!
* **P****e****n**: Golf Ball?

[*Golf Ball looks at Flower intently before speaking about 1.41421 seconds later.*]

* **Golf Ball**: I won't do that voice.

[*Bzzt!*]

* **P****e****n**: Alright... Coiny?
* **Co****i****ny**: *Reaction*.
* **Le****a****f****y**: *Adowwable*, *reaction*... **AW**?

[*Ding! Applause.*]

* **P****e****n**: That's right! [*as* **AW** *is revealed on the board*] So we've got *aw* on the board. Aww! It's youw gwess, Weafy.
* **Le****a****f****y**: Hmm... Is it... **THE LOOK ON MOST OF MY CHILDREN'S FACES WHEN THEY WAKE UP ON CHRISTMAS MORNING**?

[*Laughter, as Leafy looks at the audience confused.*]

* **P****e****n**: Is it *the look on most of my*, er, *Leafy's children's faces when they wake up on Christmas morning*?

[*Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzt.*]

* **P****e****n**: Sure, buzz her longer. /s Now even a dog on Sax-well House knows it's not that.
* **Le****a****f****y**: Oh, tiddlywinks, I was sure it was.
* **P****e****n**: You still get to guess, though. Let's show the folks at home what the next word is, and it should come up...

[*Be-be-be-beep! The password appears:* **SERIOUSLEY**.]

* **P****e****n**: Now.

[*Coiny whips his head around to look at Pen. Laughter.*]

* **Co****i****ny**: *Earnestly*.
* **Le****a****f****y**: **GRAVELY**.
* **Golf Ball**: *Dourly*.
* **Fl****ow****er**: **SERIOUSLY**!

[*Ding! Applause.*]

* **Fl****ow****er**: Yowza!
* **P****e****n**: Yes. [*as* **SERIOUSLEY** *is revealed on the board*] So we have *aw* and *seriously*.
* **Golf Ball**: [*the only one to notice the misspelling*] Wait a minute...
* **Fl****ow****er**: Hmm... if we're talking about someone serious, and the unspoken subject matter is *TPOT*... I'm guessing **CLOCK**.
* **P****e****n**: Is it *Clock*?

[*Bzzt!*]

* **P****e****n**: Really? The only other person I can think of is *David*, and that's because he always—

[*Sudden "ææææh" sound. Scattered laughs as Pen quickly looks at the judges' table.*]

* **P****e****n**: Huh- what? Did I—
* **Ra****jk****o**: Yes. Yes, you did.

[*Much more noise from the audience as the panels open, revealing the puzzle-word:* **DAVID**. *Q.T. gets his clipboard out and scribbles something in it.*]

* **P****e****n**: Oooohhhhhhhh!
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: [*from the back*] So he *did* screw up; Orpha was right!
* **Golf Ball**: You owe her a 20, TB! [*to the crew, about Pen*] Someone, get this man a roll of duct tape!
* **P****e****n**: The puzzle was actually *David*, and I blew it just like that. [*snaps his fingers*] Darn you, head!
* **Golf Ball**: I'd go further than that if this wasn't a family programme.
* **Le****a****f****y**: So would I if I weren't so religious.

[*Laughter.*]

* **P****e****n**: Don't worry, gang, I... haha, I promise I won't do it again. Gosh, I thought these things only happened on TV!

[*Laughter.*]

* **Golf Ball**: Did you forget where we are?
* **P****e****n**: Well, Flower... at least... you didn't need **VAGUELY**, **HUMAN** or **EXITER**.
* **Co****i****ny**: No, Pen, *you* didn't need them.

[*Laughter, as Pen hangs his head down. Eventually he looks up again.*]

* **P****e****n**: I'm totally fine. Well... I guess the only thing to do now is to throw the puzzle out and go to commercial.

[*Q.T. shakes his head no. Anat does a second later, as Ibtisam hastily "updates" the contents of her screen.*]

* **P****e****n**: Oh, we're not going to commercial; we're going to the 200 Puzzle, eh?
* **Ib****t****i****s****am**: 100 Puzzle.
* **P****e****n**: Again? [*to the camera*] And I thought being on Death PACT was hard, mercy. [*Laughter.*]

Click **here** to continue to the next part.
## Notes

1. ↑ *24 April 2022 update:* I've written Pen to be an **ESFP 3w2** and BC was most likely an **ESFJ 2w3** (just like Pen in many a BFDI fanfic, and more importantly, like Leafy in almost every BFDI fanfic, as well as in the canon).
2. ↑ Oh yeah, the in-universe show is called *Still The Power of Two*, or *STPOT*.
3. ↑ I know where: there's an IKNO with furniture teleportation abilities on the island.
4. ↑ Evgenios has a bit of experience with working with οι ξένοι (the foreigners).
5. ↑ Teardrop still speaks in text-to-speech, despite the change in font. The reason for this is mostly cosmetic; when in monospace, the font looks smaller for some reason. Presumably Teardrop communicates as loudly as anyone else.
6. ↑ A reference to Coralville, a suburb of Iowa City (where TB is from).
7. ↑ Was there ever a rule on *SP* that prohibited non-English languages? Oddly enough, words like "grazeland" were not allowed to be used, but you could probably give a whole set of clues in Spanish without getting buzzed.
8. ↑ Debating on whether to have Pen call Coiny "shorty" or "big guy" (ironically).
9. ↑ She's humble.

**Fake TPOT** [V]