The Ash Crisis/Transcript

## Part 1: Surprise of the Old Masters

(The episode begins in the middle of a lightsaber duel between Baghead and himself. One of the Bagheads has his double bladed orange lightsaber, but the other has the blue lightsaber from his past. They are dueling on a moving platform in the middle of orange lava. Orange lightsaber Baghead jumps off the platform and goes to the top of rocky terrain.)

Orange lightsaber Baghead: It’s over, Baghead! I have the high ground!

Blue lightsaber Baghead: You underestimate my power!

Orange lightsaber Baghead: Don’t try it!

(Blue lightsaber Baghead attempts to jump to orange lightsaber Baghead’s level, but while in midair, orange lightsaber Baghead cuts off blue lightsaber Baghead’s legs and left arm, sending the latter tumbling down to the edge of the terrain. He begins to sink in the orange ocean.)

Orange lightsaber Baghead: You were the missing piece! It was said that you join me, not fight me! It was you who would bring balance to my soul, not leave it in chaos.

(Orange lightsaber Baghead grabs blue lightsaber Baghead’s lightsaber and starts walking away. Blue lightsaber Baghead’s eye holes turn yellow as he sinks more.)

Blue lightsaber Baghead: (Gurgling from the orange ocean.) I hate you!

Orange lightsaber Baghead: You were my lost counterpart, Baghead. I loved you.

(Blue lightsaber Baghead sinks fully into the orange ocean, screaming along the way. Orange lightsaber Baghead walks away.)

Orange lightsaber Baghead: I’m sorry, old friend.

Blue lightsaber Baghead: BAGHEAD!

(Cuts to a first-person POV of Baghead. C0F-3 is shouting into his face. The first-person POV ends and Baghead is shown with the upper part of his bag completely soaked.)

Baghead: Wh… wha…?

C0F-3: You had that dream again. The one where you fight someone of your past above a weird-colored ocean?

Baghead: Oh, that one. Except this time it was different. I was fighting… myself.

C0F-3: Well, we can’t dwell on it for now. R7-A1 intercepted a transmission in your ship today. Says it’s important.

Baghead: A transmission? That is important! I’ll be there right away!

(Baghead leaps out of bed, but everything from his shoulders down is covered in sweat.)

Baghead: Right after I change.

(Cuts to Baghead running into the garage, tripping over his motorcycle. Not fazed by the accident, he gets up. He has changed, but he’s wearing the same outfit as the previous scene. The only distinction is that these clothes are not covered in sweat. R7 rolls up and beeps.)

Baghead: Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. What was the transmission about?

(R7 beeps.)

Baghead: If there was no audio, then how did you know what it said?

(R7 beeps again. Baghead laughs.)

Baghead: Arr-Seven, that’s called an email. I hooked up the ship with modern technology. What did it say anyway?

(R7 rolls over to the ship and gestures to Baghead to come see. Baghead walks to the ship and peers over at the screen in the pilot’s seat. He reads for a minute, but then his eyes go wide.)

Baghead: I don’t believe it.

(C0F-3 slowly peers over his shoulder.)

C0F-3: What’s it say?

Baghead: Do you mind?

C0F-3: Sorry if I take interest in an email sent to my builder who somehow always overlooks me in favor of a whistling Swiss Army knife who can’t even hold a gun!

Baghead: Alright, alright, I see your point. Anyway, it says that Hozher is alive and is in Wikia! He’s been found, unconscious, in an abandoned house in Akbarr Square! I must go find him!

C0F-3: Can I come instead of that electronic trash can?

Baghead: No.

(C0F-3 straightens and R7 rolls up a little bit.)

Baghead: Neither of you will go. This is a story I must finish myself. And I intend to finish it.

(He picks up his motorcycle and places it on the ground. He grabs his helmet, puts it over his bag, and rides it out of the already-open garage door.)

C0F-3: There’s something fishy about this. And it’s not the lingering smell of cod from our fishing trip yesterday.

(A fish is flung out of R7’s dome. C0F-3 opens up his coffee pot and a fish jumps out. The fish hops out of the garage as Pooka walks in, balancing a fish bowl on his head.)

Pooka: Erba erba erba! (Subtitles: Hey, guys!)

C0F-3: Hey, Pooka. What’s up?

Pooka: Erba erba erba erba erba. (Subtitles: I’m gonna go on a trip to Gameopolis. Can Baghead watch my fish?)

C0F-3: Shouldn’t you just take them with you?

Pooka: Erba erba erba erba erba erba erba. (Subtitles: Yeah, but I’d have to go there to get them passes and by that point it’s pretty much pointless.)

C0F-3: You just saw a fish flop out of the house. You sure you want us to do this?

Pooka: Erba erba erba erba erba, erba erba erba, erba erba erba erba. (Subtitles: Yes.)

C0F-3: Alright, I guess.

(C0F-3 takes the bowl and Pooka hobbles away. Cuts to the Candle House. They are watching the news.)

Newscaster: The police are still looking for the person who took the Gamepolis King's fish. Coming up, a wacky squirrel who beat up a fox!

Candle Man: Those cops need to pick up the pace.

Shaduck: Says the one who takes twenty six days to resolve a conflict.

Candle Man: Shut up.

Limefong: What's that sound?

(Rumbling, then the loud sound of Baghead's motorcycle passing by the house, going two miles a minute.)

Mystic: WHOA! WHY'S HE GOING SO FAST?!

Candle Man: Dunno, but he might get pulled over.

Limefong: That's not fair! Baghead's the most legal person we know! He definitely has somewhere to be!

Shaduck: So?

Limefong: So, let's catch up to him!

Shaduck: Nah.

Mystic: Maybe later.

Candle Man: I'll go with you, Lime.

Limefong: Thanks, dude!

(Both run out the door. Shaduck and Mystic glare at each other. A commercial goes on the TV and both eye the remote, which is lying directly in between then on the coffee table. In an instant, the duo start fighting for it before abruptly cutting to the Candle Car speeding through the streets, tailing Baghead, who doesn't even hear them. He is playing the Tumbling Rocks extremely loud. Candle Man starts grooving to it.)

Candle Man: I always loved this song!

Limefong: Get closer! Baghead's up to something.

(Candle Man brings the car closer, causing Baghead to finally notice them. Baghead finally brings the cycle to a stop, and the car follows suit.)

Baghead: (Aggravated.) What?

Candle Man: We were just checking in to see why you were speeding.

Baghead: You're not my babysitter. If you wanted to know what was up, you could've waited until I was done.

Limefong: Well, why were you speeding anyway?

Baghead: I have to take care of some unfinished business. My old master is rumored to be… alive.

Candle Man: (Gasps.) Hozher's alive?!

Limefong: Uh, who?

(The others look at Limefong.)

Baghead: The guy that trained me and died saving Candle Man's family in Candleville.

Limefong: Oh. So he's alive?

Baghead: Apparently in Wikia, too. You can come with me if you want.

Candle Man: We’ll be right behind you!

(Baghead speeds away, but the two others stay for another moment.)

Candle Man: My family seemed pretty dead to me. If even they thought Hozher was dead, how could he be alive?

Limefong: More importantly, if Hozher died in Candleville, why would he be in Wikia?

(Fades back to the Candle House, where the battle for the remote had turned into a full scale war. Shaduck and Mystic start struggling and wrestling for it.)

Mystic: Give me that blasted remote, duck!

Shaduck: No, you give it up, pill head!

(Without knowing it, they accidentally smack the remote away. They start wrestling into the next room. The commercials stop and the news comes back on.)

Newscaster: Welcome back. In more recent news, Akbarr Street is being imploded in half an hour due to all the houses in the block being abandoned. We will bring you more coverage and news on the story as time progresses.

(Cuts to the trio arriving at Akbarr Street.)

Baghead: The email didn't specify which abandoned house Hozher was in, so I guess we'll check them all.

Candle Man: Well, thank the heavens for me having Candle Vision.

(He activates it and looks through all the houses. He turns it off.)

Baghead: So, which one?

Candle Man: (Turns around, a little worried.) None of them.

Baghead: None?!

Loudspeaker: Attention. Fifteen minutes to demolition. Repeat, fifteen minutes to the implosion of Akbarr Street.

Candle Man: That can't be good.

Baghead: Let's get back to our rides before it's too late.

(They start running back, but they stop when they see a giant wall lowered to the ground by a helicopter. Baghead tries to cut through it with his lightsaber, but nothing happens.)

Baghead: Duranium, the most impenetrable material in the universe. We're trapped like rats.

(Cuts to Shaduck grabbing an ice pack and putting on his left eye. Mystic is watching TV.)

Shaduck: You really hit it hard.

Mystic: Yes, because that's how much I wanted to watch Gabby Pony Rides.

Shaduck: Well switch it back to the news! I heard they were blowing stuff up!

Mystic: Fine. I've seen this one eleven times anyway.

(Switches it back. The news program is covering the implosion of Akbarr Street.)

Shaduck: Wow! I haven't seen an implosion this big since they cracked down on the illegal football stadium!

(Shaduck calls Candle Man.)

Shaduck: Yo, Candle Man. Whaddup?

Candle Man: (Through phone.) Uhh… a lot, actually.

Shaduck: Oh, well then I'll be quick. Have you heard that they're imploding Akbarr Street?

(Cuts over to Candle Man, Limefong, and Baghead's side of the phone.)

Candle Man: We're kinda living it, actually.

Baghead: Candle Man, give me the phone.

(Baghead takes the phone.)

Baghead: Shaduck, we're trapped in Akbarr Street. Do you have a helicopter or something you can send us?

Shaduck: Let me check.

(Shaduck walks all the way to the garage, sees it's empty, walks right to where he's standing, and puts the phone back to his ear.)

Shaduck: Nope. Oh, I could lend you my beanie!

(Baghead sighs.)

Baghead: That’s not helping, Shaduck.

Shaduck: I know.

Baghead: Look, do you have anything… useful?

Shaduck: Like what?

Baghead: (Getting fed up.) ANYTHING!

Shaduck: Uh, no, but if you need help-

Baghead: YES, THANK YOU. (Hangs up.) Shaduck and Mystic are on their way!

(Shaduck teleports to them with Mystic.)

Shaduck: Alright, now let's get out!

(Shaduck tries to teleport them all out, but he can't teleport past the Duranium.)

Shaduck: Oh, heh…

Baghead: I hate you guys.

Candle Man: Hey, what if we all blasted this stupid wall?

Baghead: That won't work unless your blasts are made of the raw lava of Morriban.

Candle Man: Oh. Would regular lava work?

Baghead: No.

Candle Man: Oh.

Loudspeaker: Attention. Two minutes to demolition. Repeat, two minutes to the implosion of Akbarr Street.

Baghead: Okay, stay calm. We don't have to destroy the wall. In fact, it'd be best if we didn't, since we don't want the implosion to… uh… hold on. If they're imploding Akbarr Street, then why are they using a wall?

Candle Man: Ooh! What if we climb the wall?

Shaduck: Wouldn't work, wax brain. The wall is too steep and smooth.

Candle Man: So? Also, nice one with the wax brain insult.

Shaduck: Thanks. So, there'd be no human way to climb the wall.

Candle Man: What about-

Shaduck: Or jump it.

Candle Man: Hmph.

Baghead: Wait. Shaduck, you're a genius!

Limefong: No, I'm a genius. He's a duck who comes up with one accidental idea a month. Remember the vegging idea he had in June?

(Flashback to Shaduck trying to laze on the sofa. He tries to put his feet up on the glass coffee table, but the glass breaks. Flashback ends.)

Limefong: What is the idea, anyway?

Baghead: I could probably jump the wall and stop the implosion before we're crushed to death!

Mystic: Gee, what a fun thought.

Shaduck: Watch it, Mystic. This man is trying to save you from dying again… again… again… again… again…

Candle Man: Yeah, we get the point. Let’s get on with it already.

Voice from outside the wall: 1 minute to implosion.

Shaduck: Preferably sometime in the next minute.

Baghead: Alright, hang on.

(Baghead backs up, then bolts straight toward the wall before jumping very high up. He jumps just enough, landing precisely on top of the wall.)

Baghead: Heh, looks like I perfectly estimated my powers.

(He jumps down, clearing the wall. He spots the guy about to implode the street.)

Imploder: Ten, nine, eight, seven…

Baghead: STOP THE IMPLOSION!

(Everyone freezes. Baghead opens the Duranium wall gate, and the Main 4 walk out.)

Baghead: …Sixfivefourthreetwoone DESTROY THE THING!

(Akbarr Street is imploded, the entire abandoned neighborhood crashing in on itself and sending loose material tumbling to the ground.)

Candle Man: Well, at least that can be used for something useful.

(Shaduck punches Candle Man on the shoulder.)

Candle Man: Ow! What was that for?

Shaduck: Slug Implosion!

Candle Man: (Rubs his arm.) Whatever. But if we see an explosion, I get to punch you back!

(Cuts to the Candle House. Baghead is in there, balancing a fish bowl on his head while in deep thought. The Candle Friends are watching TV while waiting for Baghead to become active again.)

Candle Man: Do you think Baghead would notice if we took the fish bowl off his head?

(Baghead suddenly returns to reality, his head snapping back and the fish bowl flinging off his head. It shatters on the ground, catching every Candle Friend's attention.)

Candle Friends: AHH!

Baghead: Okay, listen up. I believe I've narrowed down who may have tried to kill us.

Candle Man: You mean you.

Baghead: Trapping me on Akbarr Street before they destroyed it was smart. But let's think about who could have orchestrated the attack. I have a long list of enemies, so that doesn't narrow down much.

Limefong: What if the Spammers did it?

Baghead: That was my first thought, but then I remembered that the villain used Hozher as bait. They don't know about Hozher.

Shaduck: Unless Candle Man told them.

Candle Man: Hey, it wasn't me. I forgot Hozher even existed!

Baghead: Great, thanks.

Candle Man: Oh, well that's obviously not what I meant-

Baghead: It doesn't matter. Anyway, after going through all of my enemies, I realized that the remaining ones all came from Corukan.

Limefong: Well, that's good. At least you know which galaxy your attacker came from now.

Baghead: But then I remembered the name of the street they trapped us in. Many things have been imploded in the past month! This person purposely chose to trap me in Akbarr Street because it's named after a Galactic Battleground character.

Limefong: So our culprit is a Corukanic enemy who knows you like Galactic Battleground?

Baghead: Precisely.

Shaduck: So who is it?

Baghead: ...I don't know. Unless… oh, no.

(Baghead gets up and runs out the door. Mystic turns to Shaduck.)

Mystic: So you're the reason why we had to replace the coffee table.

Candle Man: Wait, I think I know who Baghead is talking about! Lime, come with me!

(Candle Man and Limefong run out the door, leaving Mystic and Shaduck alone again.)

Shaduck: Gabby Pony Rides?

Mystic: Sure, just let me hold the remote.

Shaduck: ...No.

(Meanwhile, Candle Man and Limefong try to follow Baghead, but they stop when they see Baghead's orange starfighter fly out of his house and soar out of the atmosphere.)

Candle Man: Darn it!

Limefong: So wait, what was Baghead talking about?

Candle Man: Do you remember, a few years back, when Baghead went to Corukan for a long time and didn't come back until right before UCP came here?

Limefong: Yeah, why?

Candle Man: Well, he told me that while he was there, he fought "some guy".

Limefong: Well, that doesn't really help. Where do the Hozher and Akbarr Street clues fit in?

Candle Man: I think Baghead said that guy knew him pretty well.

Limefong: Hm. So what do you think we should do?

Candle Man: Baghead obviously thinks something bad is happening, so maybe we should follow him.

Limefong: Slight problem, wax brain. Baghead's going into outer space, and we don't have a ship.

Candle Man: I know where we can get a ship.

Limefong: Huh?

Candle Man: Follow me.

(Limefong and Candle Man enter the subway.)

Candle Man: Oh God, I forgot how much I hate it here.

Limefong: Oh, right. Do you want to take another way to… wherever we're going?

Candle Man: We're not here to take the train.

(The subway train leaves, revealing an ordinary and dirty wall behind it. Candle Man feels around the wall for a panel, and when he finds it, he pushes it in. The wall moves away, revealing a dark hangar that holds a small gray freighter.)

Limefong: How long have you known about this?

Candle Man: This ship was how Baghead taught me to fly, silly dog.

Limefong: So let's go!

(Candle Man and Limefong board the ship.)

Candle Man: Problem is, Baghead and I were tinkering with this ship. It's pretty old and I don't know if it can fly very well anymore.

Limefong: Well, start it up!

Candle Man: Uhh, I don't know how.

Limefong: Fine, I'll drive.

Candle Man: But you don't know how to fly!

Limefong: And you don't know how to start the ship!

Candle Man: Ha ha, very funny. There has to be a key somewhere.

Limefong: Or maybe it's a button. You know, the big red one right in front of you.

(Candle Man notices the button.)

Candle Man: Oops, heh.

(Limefong facepalms as Candle Man presses the button. The doors shut and the hangar opens. Candle Man takes the controls and guides the ship into the air.)

Candle Man: I forgot how cool it felt to fly this baby!

Limefong: But what about Mystic and Shaduck?

Candle Man: Oh, right. We should probably get them.

Limefong: Unless we leave them here, in case something bad happens and we need them to be close to home.

Candle Man: Yeah, but… what if they start rivaling again, and Mystic blows up or something and destroys the house because he won't let her watch a pony show?

Limefong: That was… oddly specific.

Candle Man: Whatever, let's just grab one of them. I say Mystic.

Limefong: I say Shaduck.

Candle Man: Fine, let's flip for it. Got a coin?

Limefong: Jeah.

(Limefong pulls out the coin from his pocket.)

Candle Man: Heads for Mystic, tails for Shaduck. Deal?

Limefong: Of course.

(Candle Man flips it and the coin lands on the big red button, pressing it and causing the ship to start falling.)

Limefong: CANDLE MAN!

Candle Man: SORRY, SORRY!

(Candle Man restarts the ship and it stops falling. Limefong finds the coin and sees how it landed.)

Limefong: Yes, it landed tails!

Candle Man: Guess Mystical is staying here. I mean, it’s not like she’ll do anything too outrageous.

Limefong: You just said she could blow up the house.

Candle Man: Whatever. (Using the Mating Candle Call.) SHADUCK DARKBIRD!

(Shaduck appears.)

Shaduck: HUUWAZAA?!

Limefong: Hey, duck. We're on a ship going into outer space to help Baghead fight some guy.

Shaduck: Sounds good to me. Is Mystic coming too?

Candle Man: Nope.

Shaduck: WOOHOO! FREEDOM FROM THAT PILL HEAD!

Candle Man: Whatever.

Limefong: Wait, we've never been in space before, have we?

Shaduck: I don't think so.

Candle Man: Me neither.

Limefong: Same, so let's make the most of this amazing adventure!

Candle Man: Yeah, but without the person who's been out here?

Shaduck: I'm cool with that.

(The trio leave the atmosphere and soar deeper into space. Big yellow letters appear on the screen, spelling out:)

**Candle Man & Friends**

**THE ASH CRISIS**

## Part 2: A Stormy Day In The Subterranean

(The great freighter is quietly soaring through space.)

Shaduck: Geez, it's a lot harder to leave the galaxy than I thought.

Candle Man: Yeah, can we go any faster?

Limefong: For the five hundredth time, let's use the hyperdrive!

Candle Man: And for the five hundredth time, I don't know what that is!

Limefong: It's the big blue button right in front of you!

Candle Man: …(Sees it.) Oh.

(He presses it and suddenly the ship lights up, shooting itself so fast the stars seem to turn into lines across the cosmos. Candle Man and Limefong are pinned to their seats and Shaduck is flung backwards, hitting the wall and becoming pinned to it. They stay in lightspeed for a long time before a chime comes out of the wayfinder on the dashboard.)

Limefong: WE'RE IN CORUKAN!

Candle Man: THEN TURN OFF THE HYPERDRIVE!

(Limefong fights gravity enough to slam his paw on the blue button, taking them out of hyperspace. Shaduck falls from the wall.)

Limefong: You all right?

Shaduck: (Lying on the ground face-first.) Mmmph.

Candle Man: Sooo… where do we go now?

Limefong: (Looking out the windshield.) I don't think we can go anywhere.

(The other two look out and see what Limefong was looking at: a massive space battle over Corukan Prime. For a while it looks like it's just a bunch of black and red ships surrounding the planet, but eventually the three see who's attacking them: a lone orange ship.)

Candle Man, Shaduck, and Limefong: Baghead?!

(Baghead seems to be holding his own, however. His ship is twisting and turning through every available gap in enemy ship coverage, wrecking every ship standing in his way. He has not taken any damage yet.)

Limefong: Shaduck, try to get in touch with him!

Shaduck: (Pulls out his phone and looks at it for a second.) But there's no service out here!

Limefong: I meant, use the communication console!

Shaduck: Oh.

(Shaduck looks over to the side and sees what Limefong is talking about. He switches it on but only static comes through.)

Limefong: Switch the frequency to… uh… just fiddle around with the dial.

Shaduck: Okay.

(Shaduck messes around with the dial until the static goes away and music starts coming through the console.)

Limefong: That's the radio, birdbrain.

Candle Man: Wait, that's not the radio! That's a rare Tumbling Rocks track!

Baghead: (Voice coming through the communication console.) Which one?

Candle Man: Uhh… uhhh…

Baghead: (Voice coming through the communication console.) I've destroyed seven ships since I asked you that question. The answer is "Through The Hard Times".

Candle Man: Right, right.

Baghead: (Voice coming through the communication console.) Well, I'm glad you came. I'm starting to take some damage.

Shaduck: Uh, no, you're not.

Baghead: (Voice coming through the communication console.) Well, help me anyway.

Candle Man: But I don't know how to fight in a ship!

Shaduck: Stand aside, dude! (Grabs the controls from Candle Man.)

Candle Man: I didn't know you could, but okay.

Shaduck: Yahoo!

(Shaduck begins firing the freighter's cannons at full, continuous blast, recklessly shooting all around as opposed to Baghead's clean cuts through the fleet.)

Shaduck: How long do I have to do this for?

Baghead: (Voice coming through the communication console.) I mean, it's preferred that all the ships are destroyed.

Shaduck: Yeah, yeah.

Baghead: (Voice coming through the communication console.) So about five more seconds.

Shaduck: What?

Baghead: (Voice coming through the communication console.) Arr-Seven, fire torpedoes!

(Candle Man and Limefong go behind Shaduck and watch the torpedoes shoot out, twist around, and ram into the two fleet formations, exploding and incinerating the remaining ships. Cuts over to Baghead's side.)

Baghead: (Exhilarated and proud.) Wow, I still got it! (Serious.) You guys need to go back to Wikia. I don't want you guys getting involved in this.

Candle Man: (Voice coming through the communication console.) We're not leaving this place until you tell us what's up!

Limefong: (Voice coming through the communication console.) I kinda wanna leave.

Candle Man: (Voice coming through the communication console.) Aw, seriously?! We hardly ever go to space, let alone have adventures in space!

(Back over to their ship.)

Shaduck: Dude, we've never been to space.

Candle Man: See?!

Baghead: (Voice coming through the communication console.) Fine. Land on Grennish and I'll tell you everything I know.

(Both ships land on Corukan Prime's biggest moon. Baghead jumps out of his ship and walks on the wet green ground to meet the others.)

Shaduck: Let's gooo, I mean, let’s knowww…about this stuff.

Limefong: Did you lose some oxygen up there?

Baghead: Pay attention.

Candle Man: Fine.

Baghead: Some time ago, back before any of you even knew me, I discovered that the Sith, a group of dark Jedi, had returned after being gone for a century. I became responsible for seeing to their end, again.

Limefong: So these Sith just die, and somehow come back again?

Shaduck: After living with Mystic for so long, it doesn't surprise me when people do that.

Baghead: Anyway, by the time my job was done, one of the two Sith was dead, and the other was in jail.

Shaduck: So basically you're here to kill the last one off for good.

Baghead: Unfortunately, yes. Apparently, they have escaped. No one else in this galaxy knows me like him, except… well, you know, my old master.

Shaduck: Oh get ove-

(Limefong holds Shaduck’s beak shut.)

Limefong: Go on.

Baghead: Somehow, he's already accumulated an army so vast that he's taken over the capital of this entire galaxy. I wouldn't be surprised if the entire Jedi Council was dead.

Limefong: Well, you already wiped out the army. That's good, right?

Baghead: Yeah, but it worries me that he found such an army. Where did it come from?

Limefong: Maybe we could find out based on where he was imprisoned.

Baghead: Well, he was finally caught and arrested in Gameop- oh no. Bot, call Mystic on your phone!

Candle Man: Why?

Baghead: Because you do what I say when I say or I swear this guy will kill you and your Candle family right here right now!

Candle Man: Well, maybe not right now…

Baghead: JUST DO IT, BOT!

Candle Man: Alright.

(He takes out his cell phone and calls Mystic. Over to Mystic, who is watching Gabby Pony Rides on the couch while compulsively eating everything in the fridge. She picks up. The scene cuts in between whoever’s talking on the line.)

Mystic: (Mouth full.) You have reached Mystic. Whaddya want?

Candle Man: Hey Mystic-

(Baghead takes the phone from Candle Man.)

Baghead: Mystic, go to Gameopolis.

Mystic: Uuurgh… do I have to?

Baghead: Mystic, the fate of two galaxies are in your hands.

Mystic: But I don't have han-

Baghead: MYSTIC, WE DON'T HAVE ANY TIME!

Mystic: (The phone shaking.) AND THERE'S NO NEED TO YELL AT A COUCH POTATO WHO'S EATING THAT DUMB DUCK’S FISH SOUP!

Shaduck: You're eating WHAT?!

Baghead: Please, Mystic.

(Mystic groans.)

Mystic: Do I get to join whatever's going on up there in space?

Shaduck and Limefong: No.

Candle Man: (At the same time as the previous line.) Yes.

Baghead: Fine, I'm sure Prince has a ship he can lend you.

Mystic: (Sighs.) Okay. I'll do it. Just let me finish this bowl of fish soup.

Shaduck: (Screaming into the phone.) GET UP NOW!

(Mystic stands up, startled and dropping the soup as the scene cuts to Mystic outside of Gameopolis, the Krystal Galaxia Wand in her hand.)

Mystic: Hmm… knowing from last time, I'll need to cover myself up to get in. But how?

(Meanwhile, Chadder sees Mystic struggling. He walks up to her.)

Chadder: I can help you get past the wall!

Mystic: Pfft. And then ask to go out with me. No thanks, cheese head.

Chadder: No really, I can! Please, my darling Mystical, give this "cheese head" a chance.

Mystic: Fine, what can you do?

Chadder: Can you turn invisible?

Mystic: Yeah, that’s what I was gonna do anyway.

Chadder: Well, you still need someone to unlock the wall. I'm a registered Gameopolis citizen, so I can do it.

Mystic: Alright fine. But after that, leave me alone.

Chadder: But of course, Mystica-

(Mystic gives him a growl.)

Chadder: I mean, Mystic.

(Mystic turns invisible as the wall guard finally pays attention to them.)

Guard: What do you want, mouse?

Chadder: Entry, of course.

Guard: ID?

(Chadder pulls out his ID and tries to throw it up to the guard above the wall, but it floats back down.)

Chadder: Here, let me just-

Guard: No, you're fine. Just go through.

(The wall opens up and Chadder passes through.)

Chadder: Have a good day, kind sir.

(Mystic becomes visible again.)

Mystic: Why the dust did you come as well?

Chadder: Don't you think it would be weird if I had him open the wall and then just walk away from it?

Mystic: Yeah, good point. (Bluntly.) Now buzz off.

Chadder: Aw, but we've only been with each other for a few minutes.

Mystic: I SAID GO AWAY!

Chadder: Fine. Talk about playing hard to get. (Walks away.)

Mystic: Now to get down to busi- what the…?

(Mystic and Chadder freeze and stare frightened at what they see: thousands of Gameopolis citizens, hypnotized into destroying the kingdom.)

Mystic: Sweet mother of Galaxia…

Chadder: You can say that again. Wait a minute, is that my car?!

(Citizens are seen trying to damage the car in question, appearing to resemble that of a classic Slug Bug.)

Chadder: THAT'S MY CAR, YOU HAMMERHEAD NUISANCES!

Mystic: Chadder, do you know where the castle is?

Chadder: Of course I do! I'll lead the way!

Mystic: Good. We should probably try not to disturb any of the hypnotized people.

(The alarm on Chadder's car goes off, alerting everyone of their location.)

Chadder: Cheesesticks.

Mystic: In the name of Galaxia Omega, I command you ruffians to do as I say!

(One hypnotized person slaps Mystic.)

Mystic: I deserved that.

Chadder: This way, my dear! (Pulls Mystic through a small gap in their attackers.)

Mystic: (Whining.) But I wanted to destroy them!

Chadder: Oh, hush. You never let me destroy Candle Mannequin.

(Chadder and Mystic run from the hypnotized citizens in the castle's direction. Cuts to them arriving at the castle, the door closed and boarded up.)

Chadder: Uh, what exactly did you come here for?

Mystic: Oh, Candle Man and his dumb friends wanted me to see what was going on in Gameopolis.

Chadder: Then why did you want to go to the castle?

Mystic: Because I have absolutely no idea what's going on here! Problem?

Chadder: Yeah, actually. The door is boarded up. Now, I’ll need you to get me a pair of scissors, some ribbon, and a giant axe.

Mystic: Or I can just blast the door open?

Chadder: ...That works too.

(Mystic uses her wand to blast open the door and they both walk in. The castle looks empty and dark.)

Mystic: (Sarcastically.) Nice castle.

Voice: Why, thank you.

(Prince, Pooka, and Nordic emerge from the shadows.)

Mystic: Cuz? What's going on?

Chadder: Yeah, I'm really out of the loop here.

Prince: This robot dude came in and basically took over the entire kingdom.

Nordic: The only reason the three of us weren't hypnotized or whatever was because Prince and I were hanging out in Wikia with Jabba and Bobert and Pooka just got here.

Mystic: Well, thanks for straightening that out. Now how the dust are we getting out of here?

Prince: Bobert and Jabba are bringing us a ship. You can come with us.

Chadder: What about me?

Prince: I don't know, go get eaten by a cat or something.

Chadder: Hey! I'm going with you, whether you like it or not! I haven't gotten screen time in ages!

Nordic: Fine, just make sure no one followed you.

Mystic: Oh come on! This guy's totally paranoid! We weren't followed!

(Cuts to outside the castle, where the Spammers arrive.)

Kitchen: Killing all those annoyances was hard, but apparently whatever is going on is important enough to do it.

Whickey: We've done it! We’ve taken over the world!

Flames: What? No, it was already like this.

Whickey: Then what on Fandax happened here?

Luis: I think some new villain hypnotized everyone. I still do too.

Whickey: Oh gee, got a script back there?

Luis: It was pretty obvious. It still is too.

Maps: It was easy for me to figure out.

Book: Me too.

Whickey: Ok! I get it! Let's just figure out how it happened then.

Gyux: Jekdifjeoenalckskdnwkdnejwjdbejfjdjd (Subtitles: Knowing those Candle Derps, they probably have something to do with it.)

Kitchen: He thinks that the Candle Friends are involved.

Mystic: (Offscreen but still hearing this.) No I'm not! I mean, they're not! I mean, who are these Candle Friends? I mean, I'm just a brainless hypnotized person! Braiiiiinss…

Chadder: (Off-screen, whispering.) They're not zombies, Mys-

Mystic: Mysterious person! I am indeed!

Whickey: That voice is annoyingly familiar.

(The five of them walk out of the castle.)

Mystic: Oh, it's you guys.

Whickey: Hello, annoying voice. Where's the rest of your gang?

Mystic: Going on a stupid mission in stupid space without stupid me. And now I have to be with stupid Chadder.

Kitchen: You're all right, Purple.

Chadder: And I'm Yellow!

(The hypnotized citizens have found them all, and suddenly make themselves known by one tackling Pooka.)

Pooka: ERBA!

Mystic: Pooka, don't let it bite you!

Chadder: Again, they're not zombi-

(The army of mindless civilians begins struggling with the rest of the group, but it is interrupted by the arrival of Bobert and Jabba in a large ship. Everyone jumps on before it touches the ground.)

Prince: Thanks, Bob and Jab.

Mystic: That sounds like a sitcom.

Bobert: I would not mind being in a situation comedy packed with the usual satire and negative humor.

Nordic: That’s not what the lady means, Bobert.

Prince: Imagine calling her a lad-

(Mystic slaps Prince.)

Jabba: Fyboal gareend oveka?

Chadder: Fygar had a bowl of guaranteed oven cookies?

Bobert: Jabba is wondering who all these people are and why they're here

Nordic: These are all people needing passage out of here.

Bobert: Coincidentally, Baghead has recently sent me a transmission. He wants us to pinpoint the location of a certain, "Darth Ash."

Mystic: Tell Baghead no more of his fanfictions are becoming realities.

Nordic: I have a fear that this is not fiction, pillheaded one.

(Cuts to the four on Grennish.)

Candle Man: His name is Darth Ash?

Shaduck: Sounds kinda uninspired.

Baghead: He was trained by Darth Shard, the guy that perished.

Shaduck: More like Darth Chad, amiright guys? (Troll face, but mopes after realizing no one was egging him on.)

Limefong: So what do we do while we wait for your friends to find this guy?

Baghead: We're going to rendezvous with the rest.

Candle Man: So we came to this galaxy far far away for nothing?

Baghead: No. In fact, they are coming here.

Shaduck: When?

(The ship suddenly lands on the moon.)

Baghead: Right now.

(Mystic walks out of the ship.)

Candle Man: Mystic! Boy, is it good to see you! We've been standing in this swamp listening to Baghead for hours!

Limefong: It's been half an hour.

Shaduck: (Sarcastically.) Woo, Mystic's here…

Mystic: Yeah, I have that effect on people.

Chadder: Hey now, make way for the Cha- (He notices Candle Man.) Oh no…

Candle Man: Anything-

The two: BUT HIM!

Mystic: Relax, CM. I can't believe you haven't realized by now that I'd never pick that rotten idiot over the normal idiot.

Chadder: Very ouch, honey.

Candle Man: Same, to be honest.

(The Baggy Stars file out, and finally the nine Spammers.)

Candle Man: Are all my enemies in that plane?! Who's walking out next, UCP?

Whickey: We’ll all be glad to know there’s no UCP in there.

Baghead: Hello, Luis.

Luis: Hello, Baghead.

(The duo stare at each other for a moment, then Baghead offers Luis his hand.)

Baghead: We all know there's a threat bigger than all of us out there. Whaddya say we try to destroy it together?

(Luis looks at his hand for a minute, then shakes it.)

Luis: That sounds like a plan. It still does too.

Shaduck: Do I smell a redemption arc?

Baghead: Shut up, birdbrain. (Turns to Prince.) What's up with Gameopolis?

Prince: The only survivors of the hypnosis are standing in front of you.

Limefong: Oh, Prince, I'm so sorry about your family.

Shaduck: Heh, family…

Baghead: Ash left Gameopolis to enslave Corukan Prime.

Nordic: The council?

Baghead: All dead unless we see otherwise.

Nordic: Oh, dear.

Chadder: I lost it at Ash…

Whickey: Me too.

Baghead: To sum it up, a scary cyborg man enslaved and killed millions of people.

Chadder: I don't like this story.

Candle Man: IT'S NOT A STORY!

Whickey: But why is he?

Baghead: He's a Sith, much like Luis.

Whickey: (Chuckling.) Luis ain't no (elbows Luis) Sith!

Luis: I am too a Sith, and if this guy's a Sith, then this changes everything. It still does too.

(Luis pushes past Baghead and hijacks Candle Man's ship, zooming away on his own.)

Shaduck: He doesn't even know where that guy is.

Baghead: We need to find this guy before Luis does, or else something bad will happen.

Candle Man: What, there will be two Sith in the same place?

Baghead: Worse. Ash will kill Luis.

(Candle Man and the Baggy Stars become more worried, but everyone else remains confused.)

Shaduck: What's wrong with Luis dying?

Baghead: If me or Luis dies, the entire universe will fall into disarray. Ash will know this prophecy when he sees it.

Shaduck: Oh yeah. So where is this guy?

Nordic: (Feels through the Force.) Aleon Beta.

Baghead: I'll lead the way. Everyone, get to your ships!

(Baghead goes into his personal ship and the other nineteen people file into the other one.)

Prince: (Largely understating.) It's getting kinda cramped in here.

(Both ships blast off. Cuts to inside the cramped ship.)

Candle Man: I still don't trust the Spammers. The person who made us be friends betrayed us. Who's to say these won't?

Whickey: Because I hate it when villains so our jobs, you stupid candle.

Shaduck: Uh, UCP?

Whickey: We recreated UCP for that job. This, though, is not okay. We should be the only villains, and if Luis can't see that, then he can go die.

(Whickey and Candle Man shake hands.)

Candle Man: We're gonna be rivals again after this, right?

Whickey: Yeah.

Candle Man: Cool, cool.

(Both ships disappear into hyperspace. Cuts to Luis arriving at Aleon Beta.)

Luis: Where are you, Mystery Sith?

(He gets out of the ship he stole and walks around. The world looks beautiful, green and blue and orange filling the planet.)

Luis: Strange that a villain would hide here…

(The colors slowly drain away to show the colorless grays and black hiding beneath the color.)

Luis: Ah, I see. I still do too.

(An ominous glow on the horizon catches Luis' eye and he starts walking toward it. Cuts to Nordic's ship.)

Candle Man: Alright, guys, this ship needs a name!

Nordic: It already has a name.

Limefong: What is it?

Nordic: The Maroon.

Candle Man: Boring! Let's call it the Match!

(Everyone but Nordic voices approval of the name.)

Nordic: Uh, okay. Match it is.

Baghead: (Voice coming through the communication console.) Oh, no.

(Everyone in the Match sees what Baghead sees: Aleon Beta is devoid of color, save for a faint small red spot.)

Baghead: (Voice coming through the communication console.) This place used to be so colorful, so sweet and beautiful…

Limefong: I'm sorry, Baghead.

Baghead: (Voice coming through the communication console.) No, it's all right. We can restore what it used to look like once this is all over.

Candle Man: …So, let's take a vote. Who here thinks we should go toward the red spot?

(Cuts to Luis arriving at the red spot, now revealed to be a mountain with a room carved into it. The summit and peak glow. Luis looks around before going into the mountain. The room inside the mountain is empty, save for a few things: lit torches on the wall, a styrofoam cup of soda next to entrance, and the man from the end of "Erba Erba Erba" sitting in the center of the room, the Hypno Stone on his head instead of his antenna.)

Luis: You must be Ash.

Ash: Darth Ash.

Luis: Ash Darth Ash? That's a strange name.

Ash Darth Ash: IT'S JUST DARTH ASH!

(Meanwhile, the Match and Baghead's ship get closer to the planet. In Baghead's ship, he starts feeling nauseous.)

Baghead: I think Ash is using the Hypno Stone.

Candle Man: (Voice coming through the communication console.) What?! But we just turned it over to Gameopolis!

Whickey: (Voice coming through the communication console.) Guess where he broke out from, wax brain.

(Over to the Match.)

Baghead: (Voice coming through the communication console.) Be careful. The stone, when not used in a gun, can create a glow susceptible to everyone but Force-sensitives.

Limefong: Wait, if the hypno gun was able to get you, why can't the glow affect you?

Baghead: (Voice coming through the communication console.) Because that gun blast was forced into me before I could do anything about it. Anyway, you'll all need to wear sunglasses of some kind.

Candle Man: I don't have any.

Ivanmaste: Me neither.

Chadder: I do! (Whips them out.) I always have them, cuz I'm so hot. Heh, get it?

(Silence.)

Candle Man: Chadder, Chadder, we need to think about who needs them the most. (Takes Chadder's sunglasses and puts them on himself.) Much better.

Nordic: Stop fighting, you two! I have plenty of sunglasses in the glove box.

(Cuts to all of them wearing sunglasses, except Nordic, Bobert, and Pooka, who is already wearing eyewear. Mystic, however, is trying to resist wearing the sunglasses, while Shaduck is trying to force them on her head.)

Mystic: Get them away!

Shaduck: These can save your life, you jerk.

Mystic: But they don't go with what I'm wearing!

Shaduck: Mystic, sunglasses go with everything.

Mystic: Whatever, I'm not wearing them-

(Shaduck jams them on her head and glues them there.)

Nordic: Now, let's go get that Sith.

(Cuts over to the meeting of Darth Ash and Luis.)

Darth Ash: Why are you here?

Luis: Because I want to join you. I think you and I could make a powerful team.

Darth Ash: From what I understand, you're already part of a team. (Stands up.) One that is stopping me from enslaving the universe.

(Outside the mountain, both ships land. Baghead jumps out of his and the others run out of the Match. Flashes of red can be seen inside.)

Candle Man: Guys, come on!

(Everyone runs into the room and find Luis and Darth Ash lightsaber fighting. Luis is obviously losing.)

Shaduck: Wait, last we saw Luis, he had a broomstick as a weapon. How did he get a lightsaber?

Whickey: He built another one, duh.

Darth Ash: (Notices the large group and who is leading it, while still fighting a tired and angry Luis.) Ah, Baghead. His nice of you to finally join us.

Baghead: Hello, Ash. It's about time you crawled out of your cell.

Darth Ash: Now I'll have to decide whether I should kill you or kill this idiot and watch you suffer. (Continues fighting Luis, but quickly turns his back to his attacker and stabs him through the gut.) Decision made.

Baghead: NO!

(Luis falls to the ground, dead. Immediately the ground begins rumbling. Darth Ash chuckles and backs away into the shadows.)

Baghead: Everyone, back to the ship! Don't take off until I tell you to!

(Everyone but Baghead runs out of the mountain room. The ground starts cracking, creating a large chasm that slowly starts to swallow the whole mountain. Baghead notices Luis' body slipping into the chasm, but he and the body have been separated on either side of the large gap. Noticing that he does not have much time as the mountain is falling onto him. Baghead summons much of his strength to leap into the chasm, land on a rock in midair, and jump again to grab Luis' body and run out of the mountain carrying it. Behind him, the chasm grows wider and fully swallows the whole mountain. Under Baghead's feet the ground cracks, but he manages to get back to the ships before the ground fully disappears beneath him.)

Baghead: Candle Man, put Luis in the ship!

(Baghead throws Candle Man the body before hopping into his own ship and taking off quickly. Over in the Match.)

Candle Man: Great, we have to ride with the corpse.

Baghead: (Voice coming through the communication console.) Guys, get back to Wikia. I'll meet you there.

Candle Man: What are you going to do?

Baghead: Free Corukan Prime. We won't be able to win if it's lost.

Candle Man: Well I'm not leaving you here alone. I'm coming too.

Baghead: (Voice coming through the communication console.) Bot, it's too dangerous here. You need to get back to Wikia and make sure nothing else gets destroyed.

Candle Man: There are like twenty people in this ship, and even more in Wikia! We don't even know if anything bad is happening there, and you're going into the belly of the beast without any support!

Nordic: I'd hate to agree with Candle Man, but he's right. You can't go on without at least one person by your side.

Baghead: Ugh, fine. There's an escape pod in the back of that ship. Steer it down to the planet as soon as we get there.

Candle Man: Got it.

(Zooms out on both ships as they disappear into hyperspace.)

## Part 3: Darkness in Wikia

(The ships reappear above Corukan Prime. The blockade has rebuilt itself from before.)

Baghead: Darn it. We don't have time to clear it all.

Candle Man: Then what do we do?

(Everyone goes quiet. Limefong suddenly perks up.)

Limefong: I got it!

Candle Man: What?

Limefong: Go into the escape pod! Nordic, position the ship so the escape pod will ram into the biggest cluster of ships! (Speaking into the communication console.) Baghead, does that ship have a cloaking device?

Baghead: Well, yes-

Limefong: Turn it on!

(Out the window, Baghead's ship turns invisible.)

Limefong: Candle Man, when I say so, deploy the escape pod!

Candle Man: (Winking.) Roger roger!

(Nordic shuts the escape pod, Candle Man inside. Limefong hesitates for a second.)

Limefong: DEPLOY!

(The escape pod rockets out of the ship and tears through the cluster of ships, forming a giant hole in the blockade.)

Limefong: Good luck, Baghead! Nordic, take us out of here before we're spotted!

(In Baghead's ship, he sees the ship go into hyperspace.)

Baghead: (Muttering to himself.) Brilliant.

(Baghead takes his ship, still cloaked, and flies it through the blockade hole Candle Man's escape pod made. His ship lands on a rooftop, unable to see Candle Man's whereabouts.)

Baghead: Where is he...?

(Finally, he spots the escape pod still soaring through the air… on a course that will soon crash into the Jedi Council room.)

Baghead: Darn it, Bot!

(Meanwhile, the escape pod smashes into the room, thankfully empty. It catches on fire and rubble from the roof and escape pod scatters across the once beautiful floor. Candle Man somersaults out of the pod and ends up on one knee, fire in his hands.)

Candle Man: What's up, lightsaber dudes? I'm here to save you!

(Baghead runs in to find the room destroyed and in flames, and his childhood friend sitting in it all.)

Baghead: Bot, there's no one here.

Candle Man: Huh?

Baghead: I told you, the council is probably all dead.

???: Not everyone.

(Blask Dindoo walks in.)

Candle Man: Oh, alright then.

(Over Fandax, the Match jumps out of hyperspace.)

Nordic: I don't see anything bad, but we should stay vigilant. Gameopolis is still enslaved.

Limefong: How do we cure them?

Bobert: If I can recall correctly, Candle Man was able to do it with his fire.

Nordic: Unlikely to work again. The Hypno Stone has a more powerful influence than the Hypno Gun.

Shaduck: Dang. Now what?

Nordic: The only way to end the Hypno Stone's influence is to destroy it. Either that, or if we find a way to suck all of its power out of it.

Maps: But the Hypno Stone was back in Corukan!

Prince: It's not our job to destroy it.

Nordic: He's right. Our job is to protect what's not yet damaged.

Book: Well, it's not ours!

Whickey: Yeah! Let us down, yellow face! Be lucky we don't kill you all right now!

Nordic: Fine.

(Nordic drops them off at their lair.)

Nordic: Just be sure to take your dead friend.

(All the Spammers get off the ship, Kitchen and Gyux carrying Luis.)

Prince: Hey, if the Wikians were hypnotized, they'd be attacking us by now, right?

Nordic: Right.

Prince: Then where is everybody?

(Back with Baghead and Candle Man.)

Baghead: Master Dindoo! You're safe!

Blask Dindoo: Of course, Jedi Brown. Now, who is this gray fellow?

Baghead: This is Botuczy Fiery Candle.

Candle Man: Candle Man for short.

Blask Dindoo: It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Botuczy.

Baghead: So… what happened?

Blask Dindoo: Well, Brown, I was hoping you were on this, because apparently Ash is back.

Candle Man: (Sarcastically.) Yeah, thanks for the heads up.

Baghead: What did he do?

Blask Dindoo: He got stronger.

(Flashback begins. A moderately sized ship, followed by hundreds of smaller ones, sail toward Corukan Prime. All of them open fire on the planet.)

Blask Dindoo: (Voiceover.) Chaos.

(Buildings fall in the busy streets below.)

Blask Dindoo: Hundreds of Jedi died saving the innocent citizens of the planet. Ten of those Jedi were on the council.

Baghead: But… did he survive?

Blask Dindoo: Yes.

Candle Man: Did who survive?

(Flashback ends. Baghead and Blask turn to Candle Man.)

Baghead: The Grand Master of our entire galaxy.

Baghead and Blask: Yennix.

(In Wikia, the Match flies over the city, which seems strangely empty. Shaduck opens the side door on the ship and pokes his head out to look at the buildings below.)

Shaduck: Maybe we should check the castle.

Limefong: (Pokes out his head too.) We don't need to. (Points ahead.) Look!

(Every citizen is up against the wall separating Wikia and Gameopolis, pushing it. The Match lands and everyone gets out. Chadder is weirdly missing.)

Mystic: What's going on?

King of Wikia: Your friend Nordic issued a message saying that Gameopolis was enslaved and that we needed to do everything in our power to fight it until you guys got here.

Shaduck: Well, we're here now. What's up?

TwoBrains: They're trying to break down the wall!

Mystic: So? Let them!

Everyone: What?

Mystic: We can take them! They don't have a leader!

(Goxic climbs up the wall from the Gamepolis side.)

Goxic: Citizens of Wikia, this is your last chance to surrender before you all die!

Mystic: Ah, nuts.

Shaduck: And this is why I don’t trust you.

(Back to the Jedi Council room. Baghead, Candle Man, and Blask Dindoo have all left, but there is a zoom on the escape pod. Chadder falls out of it.)

Chadder: Wrong place to take a nap. Wait, where am I?

(He looks around the place as he picks himself up.)

Chadder: Dark in here.

???: Hello.

(Darth Ash suddenly walks in.)

Chadder: You!

Darth Ash: Oh, you're that annoying mouse.

Chadder: I haven't even done anything annoying yet!

Darth Ash: I know, it's that voice.

Chadder: What do you want?

Darth Ash: You.

(Darth Ash lunges at Chadder and he screams. The scene cuts to Baghead, Candle Man and Blask Dindoo walking through the destroyed streets of Corukan Prime.)

Candle Man: Did anyone hear that?

Baghead: Hear what?

Candle Man: Never mind.

Blask Dindoo: No, I hear something too.

(Blask hears something different, and it becomes more audible over time: a distant cracking sound.)

Baghead: Sounds like someone trying to open a chip bag.

Candle Man: But what is it?

(A shadow builds behind them. Soon, the three stop walking and turn around, to find the Jedi Council tower falling.)

Candle Man: RUN!

(The gang break into a sprint as the tower falls into different buildings on the street, the entire city seeming to fall apart behind them.)

Blask Dindoo: (Points ahead.) There! Jump into that ditch!

(Both do as they're told. As they jump a building falls where they were just running. All three land and break into a somersault when the ditch ramps down. The ditch takes them to what seems to be a bunker out of the way of the city. )

Candle Man: What is this place?

Blask Dindoo: This is where all of the survivors are. If we can get everyone out quickly enough, we might be able to escape Darth Ash's grasp.

Candle Man: Coolio.

(Blask inputs a number combination and swings the heavy door.)

Voice: Did you find any survivors?

Blask: No, but I found the one who you were waiting for: Jedi Knight Baghead Brown.

Candle Man: (Whispering to himself.) Jedi Knight?

(The shadowy room reveals a short figure: Yennix himself.)

Yennix: Hello again, Baghead. Nice to see you again, it is.

(Back to the rest in Wikia.)

Goxic: Are you ready to surrender?

Shaduck: What the heck is Goxic doing in Gameopolis?

TwoBrains: He noticed their leader was nowhere to be found, so he decided to take over and get "the adoration he deserves".

Limefong: He certainly has come a long way from working at the Baghead Wiki.

Mystic: Well, we're still fighting these guys.

Nordic: Mystic is right. We can't keep being on the defense forever. If we fight now, we can take them by surprise.

Kellie: But we don't have any weapons!

Prince: My citizens are hypnotized, Kellie. We can't harm them when they don't know what they're doing.

Bobert: My advice would be to find an object to deal minor bludgeoning damage.

Duddman: Like a stick?

Shaduck: (Sigh.) Yes, Duddman, like a stick.

(Many of the Wikians leave the wall to get things near them, such as rocks and trash cans.)

Nordic: Let them come to us. Get behind the ship, everyone.

(Everyone runs behind it. Nordic draws his lightsaber and stands as the only visible person.)

Nordic: Here goes nothing.

(Meanwhile, Baghead, Candle Man, and Blask have gone into the shelter. It is a round cave that is lit only by lanterns. Many frightened citizens shiver in corners.)

Baghead: You said you were expecting me?

Yennix: Yes.

Blask Dindoo: We have an escape ship that we can use to flee the planet and even the galaxy, but we do not have enough fighters to push us through.

Yennix: Also wise, we thought it was, to lead with someone who knows Darth Ash's tactics.

Baghead: I agree. Bot, you ready?

Candle Man: Duh!

Baghead: Where is the ship?

Blask Dindoo: Across the city, but we know a few effective ways to get everyone there quickly and safely.

Baghead: Lead the way.

(The door opens and the four of them rush out, followed by lots of survivors. Baghead comes out the front and cuts through debris obstructing their path. Hypnotized people try to attack them, but Baghead throws them aside. Above them, Darth Ash watches them.)

Darth Ash: Hmm.

(He leaves his viewing point. Back down on the ground, everyone has arrived at the exodus ship.)

Candle Man: Wait, what if there are other survivors we haven't found?

Blask Dindoo: Ash's attention isn't on them, it's on us.

(Baghead forms a giant circle of debris around them.)

Yennix: On the ship, everyone must go!

(Everyone gets on the ship, but Baghead and Candle Man notice some of the debris is shaking.)

Blask: Brown, Candle, are you coming or not?

Baghead: In a second.

(The debris cracks.)

Baghead: Actually, leave without us. I sense Bot and I need to do something about this.

(Blask does as ordered and the ship takes off without them on it.)

Baghead: It's him.

Candle Man: I know.

Baghead: On my mark, attack him with all you've got.

Candle Man: Got it.

(Cuts in between the debris wall and the Wikia/Gameopolis wall, both being broken down at the same time. Finally cuts to the wall, where it falls down.)

Nordic: Hello, everyone.

Goxic: Nordic?

Nordic: Nice that you know my name. ATTACK!

(But it cuts to Baghead and Candle Man. The debris is cleared and the two charge at Ash, but he is finally seen with Chadder in his arms.)

Darth Ash: Stop right there or the mouse dies!

(Baghead and Candle Man stop and Ash throws Chadder on the ground.)

Chadder: Thank you.

Candle Man: My displeasure.

Darth Ash: Well, well, well. Finally the almighty Baghead is in my undivided sights.

Baghead: Ash, now is the time for this to end.

Darth Ash: Oh, quite the contrary. I feel that it has just begun.

(Ash takes a few steps closer to the three.)

Darth Ash: If only your friends knew how dishonest you were. How you are part of the scum and villainy your kind tries to fight for.

Baghead: Your mind games won't work on me, Ash! You might as well give it a rest.

Darth Ash: I am merely proving a point. Does your best friend even know who I really am?

Candle Man: Wait, what?

Baghead: Stop this, Ash!

Darth Ash: Poor, innocent, Candle Man. You swallowed the lie he put in your mouth. I am not just a villain he fought so many years ago.

Candle Man: Then who is he, Baghead?

Baghead: Ash-

Darth Ash: Sacrem Fygarius Brown! There is no longer a need for lies or defenses! Tell him who I am! TELL HIM!

Candle Man: …Bag?

Baghead: Fine.

(Silence.)

Baghead: Darth Ash is Nell Onat. I… trained him.

(Candle Man and Chadder stare, shocked, at Baghead. Darth Ash laughs.)

Darth Ash: Yes! Now you know everything! And now to show you how far I've come.

(Ash's hand whips out and Force lightning shocks Chadder, who screams painfully. The attack is powerful and never-ending, and Chadder starts steaming. Baghead and Candle Man watch as he starts boiling.)

Chadder: No… NO!

(Everyone watches as Chadder begins melting, and Ash laughs some more as Chadder is reduced to nothing but a lifeless puddle of melted cheese.)

Candle Man: CHADDER! (Takes out a bag of tortilla chips and starts dipping chips in Chadder's remains. Mouth full.) NOOOOOOO!!!

Darth Ash: And as for you two, you're coming with me.

Baghead: Not if we have anything to say about it!

(They both charge at him, but Ash freezes them in midair. He chuckles.)

Darth Ash: You two are going to be closer to me from now on.

## Part 4: The Right Jedi

(Baghead and Candle Man find themselves tied to chairs in a dark, empty room. The only light is a lamp dangling above them.)

Baghead: Bot-

Candle Man: I'm not talking to you.

Baghead: But Bot-

Candle Man: I told you, I don't want you talking to me. You were a bad friend.

Baghead: If this is about Darth Ash, I protected his identity so no personal feelings would get in the way!

Candle Man: Okay, but I learned anyway, didn't I? And what about you becoming a Jedi Knight? You told me you never completed your training!

Baghead: There is a reasonable explanation for all of that.

Candle Man: Then by all means, explain it! It's not like we have anything more important to do!

Baghead: Okay. It was a few years ago, only shortly after you got together with Mystic. Remember when I told you I left to deal with those Sith?

Candle Man: That was a lie, too.

Baghead: Not really. I didn't leave to fight those Sith, but I ended up doing it anyway. I'd actually gone to train an apprentice.

(Flashback to Baghead pulling his ship into the Jedi Temple hangar. He and R7-A1 get out. A young Nell Onat stands before them. He looks like a regular Gameopolis citizen, except in Jedi robes.)

Baghead: (Voiceover.) He said his original mentor had been killed by a Sith. Of course, no one believed him, not even me. I'd seen the last Sith die before my eyes. Nevertheless, I took him under my wing.

(Cuts to Baghead, Nell, and R7 walking across a mountain. Nell has fallen behind, causing the other two to stop and watch him trudge over.)

Baghead: (Voiceover.) He was a good student. At least, I thought so. The problem was, he seemed broken from his old master's death. He wanted to get back at the guy who did it too, I assume.

(Cuts to Baghead bursting into a small bedroom with R7 behind him, both to find it empty.)

Baghead: (Voiceover.) Then, one day, he went missing. It took many months and many permission passes from the council to find him.

(Cuts to him and R7 walking into a cave. They see Nell at the feet of the Sith from The War on Ferdango. Nell's back is turned.)

Baghead: (Voiceover.) Then, in Gamepolis, I found him.

(Baghead runs over, R7-A1 tailing him.)

Baghead: Nell!

(Nell turns around, his eyes bright yellow. Baghead finally lays eyes on the Sith.)

Baghead: You're alive.

Nell: You have no control over me anymore, Baghead. Darth Shard has helped me embrace my true potential.

Baghead: But this was the guy you wanted to kill!

Nell: He did not mean to enrage me. Rather, he meant to free me, as I plan to do now.

Darth Shard: Good. Strike your master down, and you will truly become my Sith apprentice.

(Nell turns on his lightsaber, blood red pouring out of the hilt.)

Baghead: Nell…

(Nell turns back around and decapitates Darth Shard.)

Nell: I never liked that title.

Baghead: Nel-

Nell: STOP CALLING ME NELL! That is not my name anymore. I am Darth Ash.

Baghead: I will not indulge these dark thoughts. You are Nell Onat. My apprentice.

Nell: Your doom.

Baghead: We’ll see.

(Baghead draws his own lightsaber and R7 backs away as master and apprentice cross blades.)

Baghead: (Voiceover.) I didn't know how strong he had really gotten, but I was unpleasantly surprised.

(The fight moves out of the cave and near one of the Sith's ships.)

Baghead: (Voiceover.) Eventually, I might have been able to overpower and defeat him, but then I remembered why I kept my droid around.

Baghead: Arr-Seven, initiate plan G-02!

(R7 rolls to the nearby ship and starts messing with it. Baghead dives out of the way as the ship explodes, engulfing Darth Ash in a large fire cloud. Baghead gets up and watches the fire burn bright, then start to go out, revealing a burnt and damaged Darth Ash.)

Darth Ash: (In pain.) I will not rest until your entire life falls apart around you.

Baghead: Then you are no longer my apprentice.

(Gameopolis officers come onscreen to take away Darth Ash.)

Baghead: (Voiceover.) Darth Ash was charged with first degree murder and Refusing to pay sixteen parking tickets. Guess that's what he gets for hiding out in a high-security kingdom.

(Shows Darth Ash, newly encased in life-extending armor, thrown into a jail cell. His bunkmate is E.T..)

Baghead: (Voiceover.) Darth Ash was fixed up and thrown in jail. As you know, Gamepolis doesn't imprison people often, but Darth Ash became one of only two people to be so.

(Darth Ash starts screaming angrily, but the flashback ends, fading back into reality.)

Baghead: That day, I returned to Corukan Prime, where I was knighted. I then came home to tell the good news, but that's when all the UCP stuff started happening.

Candle Man: I still have one question.

Baghead: What is it?

Candle Man: Why did you keep all this a secret?

Baghead: Because I saw Ash as my greatest failure. I promised myself if I could keep it to myself, I would.

Candle Man: But you didn't say anything even when he came back!

Baghead: Well, what was I supposed to do?! It's not like that information would help! If anything, it would hurt the situation!

Candle Man: And that's what happened anyway.

(Candle Man hops in his chair to turn it away from Baghead. Baghead sadly looks away, but then remembers something and turns back.)

Baghead: I've got it!

(Baghead bangs his head on his chair.)

Baghead: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Candle Man: (Confused, tries to look behind him.) Bag?

(Baghead keeps banging his head until a small object falls out of his bag and falls on the floor. He kicks it over to Candle Man.)

Candle Man: What's that?

Baghead: It's a homing device. I need you to smash it.

Candle Man: Okay… (Stomps on it, effectively pulverizing it.) OW! OWOWOW! I FORGOT I'M NOT WEARING SHOES!

Baghead: I'll get you some medical care once we bust out of here.

(Fades to Baghead's house. C0F-3 and R7-A1 are sitting at the dinner table, doing nothing but staring at the fish Pooka asked them to watch. A timer goes off.)

C0F-3: Feed 'em.

(A small arm with a bottle of fish food in it pops out of R7-A1's head and sprinkles the fish food into the tank.)

C0F-3: Perfect. Now to stare at them for six more hours.

(They resume staring, but an alarm suddenly interrupts their activity. R7 beeps a question.)

C0F-3: It's Baghead's homing device. It's been destroyed. (Stands up.) Per his orders, we have to take the Redemption to his last known location.

(Cuts to the subway Candle Man and Limefong went to. The back wall moves away to reveal that the ship is already gone.)

C0F-3: Son of a motherboard! How are we going to get there now?!

(R7 beeps.)

C0F-3: The Maroon? I'll have to ask Nordic.

(The two droids walk out of the subway, but they hear screaming in the distance.)

C0F-3: What could that be?

(Both of them rush over to the nearby Wikia/Gameopolis wall to find both kingdoms' citizens fighting each other.)

C0F-3: What the hell is going on here?!

Prince: Basically what happened with UCP, except bigger.

(R7 beeps.)

C0F-3: Yeah, cool story. Can we take your ride?

Nordic: Uh, yeah, sure…

(The droids rush into the ship and quickly take off.)

Nordic: A thank you would've been nice. (Force pushes a Gameopolis citizen into a group of them, knocking them all over. Back to Candle Man and Baghead. Candle Man has repositioned his chair back to how it was before.)

Candle Man: What do you think he's gonna do to us?

Baghead: Well, he's not going to do anything to me.

Candle Man: But you're the one he wants!

Baghead: He was going to kill me, but as he knows, he could only destroy me or Luis if he wanted the universe in disarray, and since Luis is dead, he won't do anything to me.

Candle Man: Then what does he want with you?

Darth Ash: (Suddenly appears in the doorway.) I want him to watch his world fall apart around him, as he did to me all those years ago, and that means torturing his best friend right in front of him.

Candle Man: Hey, aren't I his best friend?

Baghead: (Bitter.) You're catching on.

(Zooms out of the room. The door closes and Candle Man screaming is heard. Cuts to the Match, where R7-A1 is thumbing through a Playhomie magazine.)

C0F-3: Where did you get that?

(R7-A1 whistles.)

C0F-3: Well, let me take a look at that when you're done.

(Meanwhile, the torture has ceased, and Candle Man looks awful. He's tired, battered, bruised, and there's a big welt on his shoulder.)

Baghead: Are you gonna be okay?

Candle Man: WHAT DOES HE WANT FROM US?!

Baghead: Nothing but to watch us suffer.

Candle Man: Then when will it end?!

Baghead: ...I don't know.

(The door opens. Darth Ash saunters in.)

Candle Man: You are really, really… (struggles to find a word.)

Baghead: Evil? Awful? ...bad?

Candle Man: Mean!

Darth Ash: Guilty as charged. Now get ready for more torture.

(Suddenly, the door bursts open, and the two droids run into the room.)

Darth Ash: What the…?

(C0F-3 throws a smoke grenade, filling the room with a thick mist. R7 cuts through Baghead's restraints, and he gets up, Force pulling his lightsaber to him from Ash's belt. R7 cuts through Candle Man's restraints next.)

Baghead: Let's get out of here!

Candle Man: (Weakly.) I don't think I can walk.

C0F-3: I'll carry you.

Darth Ash: No, NO!

(Ash starts furiously swinging his lightsaber around in the smoke, but C0F-3 dodges it all and pushes the Sith against the back wall. She picks up Candle Man and all four of them run out of the room. Some time later, Candle Man wanders into the cockpit of the ship. Baghead is there alone, watching the hyperspace lights.)

Baghead: I was hoping you came in here. How are you feeling?

Candle Man: Better.

Baghead: I really am sorry for getting you mixed up in this.

Candle Man: Bag, it's my fault. I came down there to help you.

Baghead: Then I'm sorry for causing this whole thing.

(Some silence followed by a deep breath from Baghead.)

Baghead: I have something to ask of you.

Candle Man: What is it?

Baghead: If we have any chance of stopping Darth Ash… Nell, we can't be captured again.

Candle Man: So?

Baghead: If we get into that situation again… I want you to kill me.

Candle Man: (Weakly.) …What?

(The ship suddenly exits hyperspace.)

Baghead: It will restore the balance of the universe and then you and your friends can stop him! Just promise me you'll do this for me.

Candle Man: Bag-

Baghead: Bot, promise me you'll do this.

Candle Man: But Bag-

Baghead: BOTUCZY, PROMISE ME!

Candle Man: (A tear rolling down his cheek.) Okay. I'll do it.

Baghead: (Sigh, then turning back to the controls.) Thank you.

(C0F-3 walks into the cockpit.)

C0F-3: Okay, we need to get back to Wikia before your friends get stomped by Ash's army. Candle Man, stop crying!

(Meanwhile, Ash gets to his ship. A hypnotized Gameopolis citizen is at the controls.)

The hypnotized guy: Where to, master?

Darth Ash: Wikia, Fandax, and make it snappy!

(In Wikia, Baghead pilots the ship through the kingdom.)

C0F-3: (Points at the fight going on beneath them.) Down there!

(On the ground, everyone sees the ship land.)

Goxic: Uh oh. (To his army.) Retreat! Retreat!

(The army does as it's told, and by the time Baghead joins the battle, weapon in hand, the other side is completely gone.)

Baghead: Where's the fight?

Nordic: It fled from you.

Shaduck: Yeah, that was weird.

Kellie: Now, can someone please tell us what the heck is going on?

Baghead: (Sigh.) In short, there is a crazed dark Jedi enslaving the entire universe just to make me suffer.

Pesron: All that so one person can feel bad?

Baghead: Well, I'm sure ruling over everyone is a nice bonus.

Mystic: So what on Galaxia should we do?

Baghead: We need to unite as many civilizations as we can, destroy the device he's using to control people, and arrest him again.

Moose: (Pointing.) He's right up there. Can't we just attack him now?

Baghead: (Turning around.) He's what?!

(Darth Ash is standing on the Wookieepedia Enterprise Tower, the tallest building in the entire kingdom.)

Darth Ash: HELLO, PEOPLE OF WIKIA!

Baghead: Ah, nuts.