Headhunters 3: The Thirsty Thirteen

## Introduction

THASS WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT! Our first miracle finish of 2021 comes on Monday Night Football in dramatic, nail-biting fashion.

Down 113.52-91.48 heading into SNF, it seemed all but over for Who the Fuck? But a goose egg by Trey Sermon opened the door for a MNF finish that is a close second to the Kenyan Drake TD run of 2020 that eliminated Beach McBungalow on the last play of the week. When DK Metcalf took an 84-yarder to the house, a collective gasp could be heard across the continent as Headhunters owners everywhere witnessed an incredible comeback in the blink of an eye. But then, as the night progressed, things got tight yet again. DK needed a minimum of two catches or one catch for five yards to complete the comeback, but Geno Smith was handing off on every single play. I mean every fucking play. DK wasn't even targeted again until the 4th quarter and overall Smith threw for just 83 additional yards after the 84-yard play. But finally, after I had fallen asleep because I was a sleepy boi, DK Metcalf caught himself one more measely ball. It was just enough. Who the Fuck are all of you stays alive and survives Byemageddon, and instead we say Bye 2...

## In Memorium: Ya Hate 2 See It

Brutal beat for Ya Hate 2 See It. Going heavy on the Chiefs, including the preposterous $700 bid on Kelce last week, never seemed like a totally bad idea..until it was. Patrick Mahomes turned back into a pumpkin just in time for Halloween and all of a sudden Big Red looks Big Dead in Kansas City. At the very least, Hate 2 See It leaves the season having spent most of his cash and giving it all he could to survive. But two terrible decisions cost them.

One - NYJ defense. Jethro needed just two points from their defensive spot in order to win this week. There were 26 teams playing in week seven, and 25 of them had a defense that scored at least 9 points. Of those 25 teams, 10 were available on waivers and all ten are ranked higher on the season than New York.

Two - A single point from their third flex position and they advance, even with shitty NYJ D. A single point. There were...get ready...98 players on waivers this week who scored at least one point. NINETY-EIGHT! Obviously hindsight is 20/20 and if G knew he just needed a single point maybe he starts one of those 98 guys over Trey Sermon, who has pretty much never seen an NFL field. But to go down like this has to sting a little bit.

This was G's most promising year yet. But from going a month without a bench, to bidding huge on one player, to starting a guy who didn't get a single touch, it just wasn't in the cards. Hate 2 See it finishes 16th for the second time in three seasons. You really do....hate to see it. That's all, folks. I'm here all week.

Ya Hate 2 See it:

## Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021)

Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021)
 It's Blitz! Track 2
 Shotti's Bugatti
 Hasta Laviska Baby
 Ya Hate 2 See It

## Dead Money

Keeping track of all the cash that never got spent by teams that are now eliminated.

Dead Money

## Week Eight-Twelve - The Great Purge

It felt kinda dirty doing the Wheel of Fate Thursday night, but let's try it out again and see how it feels. We still have two double-eliminations left out of the next five weeks!

## New Releases

Jethro may have left us, but his spirit lives on in all these ballers hitting the waiver wire.

1. Tyreek Hill
2. Travis Kelce
3. Trey Sermon (LOL just kidding..little joke for ya)
4. CeeDee Lamb
5. James Robinson

## Week Seven Bidding Results

#### Quick-hit thoughts

* Swift might be something special.
* Two NYG players going for big bucks despite being injured. Gambles for later in the season for Sloppy and Last Matts. Will the gambles pay off?

Last Year's most expensive week seven player: Dalvin Cook ($400)

## Week Seven Results

* Biggest Climber: Bad VRs (^12)

* Biggest Faller: Ya Hate 2 See It (v11)

Four teams finished in the same spot as last week. Never seen that happen before.

## Kings of the Castle

### 1. Bad VRs

Pretty good week for a team that is dealing with injuries to some key starters at the RB and WR position. We'll see if this is the week (s)he finally starts to spend.

### 2. The Guilloteam

The classic Spender's Bump! That's what I'm going to start calling it whenever a team gets a nice little jump in the standings after a big bidding week. It's better than some other kind of bumps you might find yourself with.

### 3. I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls

Keeling has 161.41 on the next highest scoring team this season, and basically has a guaranteed hundo each week that Kupp and Henry both take the field. It's a wild combo but both have late byes this season and I don't think you want late byes in Headhunters.

### 4. The Titanic

Once again, can't believe that this team almost tanked a few weeks ago. They get stronger every week. Still, with a league low $122 left to spend, these positive vibes probably have to carry the squad at least up through Thanksgiving before they can even dream about acquiring another top player.

### 5. CP

CP basically did exactly what I thought they woul do (or what they decided to do after reading my writeup). Duvernay and D'Ernest more than compensated for Justin Jefferson's bye week, and with AJ Brown turning it on this team is poised for a run after a slowish start.

## On the Chopping Block

### 13. Who the Fuck are all of you?

As exciting as it was to see this team come back, the reality is that they are a strong squad who had a lot of bye week players. Maybe this would have been a good week to get rid of them before they do some serious damage. But nope, they pull the upset and live on to get chopped another day.

### 12. Last Matts Standing

If there is another player whose fantasy football success is less tied to his real life NFL success, I haven't seen him. The guy alway finishes top-10 among QBs, but consistantly fails to pass the eye test and cannot will his Eagles team to win. That's no matter for Last Matts this week. Hurts' 4th quarter garbage points count the same as any other fantasy points, the the team that looked out of it catches another narrow victory.

### 11. Neck-Fix and Chill

Since bidding big on Hopkins this team has been very quiet. They survived the loss of Chubb, who should be back this week, and oddly enough they seem to be getting a ton of great production out of the Patriots receivers. Hey, whatever works! Being able to pull it out with the way Mahomes and Lockett played this week is a miracle.

### 10. Mixon Beer with Liquor

Similar to Neck-Fix, it's a small miracle they were able to survive despite having to start Darren Waller at TE (0.00). You can thank a great day from his RBs (Mixon/Gaskin/Fournette) and a surprise boom day for Allen Lazard.

### 9. Beach McBungalow

Tom Brady to Mike Evans connection saves McBungalow from certain disaster after he accidentally started Donovan Peoples-Jones. The bigger story here is that with Sam Darnold turning back into a New York Jet before our very eyes, is DJ Moore set to betray Nate during a #NateYear?

## Average Scores of Eliminated Teams

Average Scores of Eliminated Teams
 Hasta Laviska Baby
 Shotti's Bugatti
 Pats a bitch
 It's Blitz! Track 2

## Narrow Defeats

Margin of Defeat for Last Place Teams:

Margin of Defeat for Eliminated Teams
 It's Blitz! Track 2
 Shotti's Bugatti
 Hasta Laviska Baby
 Pats a bitch

Ya Hate's 0.96-point margin of defeat is the third narrowest of all time. The top two were both in 2019, when Out of Luck was eliminated by 0.32 and Bad Boys was chopped by a margin of 0.83.

## Dungeon Dwellers

2021 teams that finished second-to-last, narrowly avoiding elimination:

## Single Season Scoring Records

As teams get eliminated their season will be added to the record books.

## All-Time Combined Points Scored

As teams get eliminated, their updated totals will be added to the record books.

## CONCLUSION

That's all for this week! Have a good week, see everyone Thursday night for the Wheel of Fate, and happy hunting!