Episode 45: The Gig Economy

https://globehell.libsyn.com/

## Episode Summary

While Coronavirus Vaccination begins to bring back some things like hugging your friends, true gigs, the circus and rock n' roll acts are cancelled. What to do with all the acrobats and bass players? Kill them? No, there is a better answer...

## Idea Details

* Idea: The new gig economy, Regiggers
* Creator of idea: Josiah
* Purpose of idea: So, Drew, I wanna talk to you ver- quickly uh th- uhhhhhh I wanna talk to you about uh cartoons, Drew, today. I wanna talk to you for a second about cartoons. Are you aware of these? (Drew: "OK well that's something that you know about, being a child. Acting like a - acting like a child.") Well that's funny that you would say that cause a lot of cartoons are for adults. Uh they have nasty adult themes and uh fucking and things of like that and touching each other and stuff and they're just disgusting now, these cartoons. (Drew: "That's something I've never really appreciated. I've never really appreciated the fact that *The Simpsons* said 'hell' and 'damn'.") It just gets absolutely disgusting these days. Uh and sometimes the- it's so disgusting that it actually has helped predict the future! \*Josiah and Drew watch a video called "Top 10 Scary Cartoons That Predicted The Future"\* I don't know if you knew about this but these cartoons - it's not just *The Simpsons* that predicted it. (Drew: "Oh interesting!") Yeah! (Drew: "So there's - I guess uh - well I guess *The Flintstones* didn't really predict anything because it was based in the past.") All that stuff had already happened, yeah exactly but so let's not really worry about that but, I mean, there's, you know - (Drew: "Wait a - this is awful, Josiah!") Well it's just all these things have been predicted, OK? Paris attacks, - (Drew: "The Paris attacks??") - Harambe, uh *The Simpsons*. So my point is that these cartoons uh - so you know about these things are - these are uh some predictions of the future, the cartoons. Do you get what I'm saying? (Drew: "The Boston Marathon attacks? It say *American Dad* watch - uh predicted the Boston terror attacks, is what this video says?") Yeah, so um my - (Drew: "Is it - but - just let me - hang on, hang on, Josiah, I wanna wa- lemme see this awful video that - what else does it say it predicted? Oh, the Pentagon attacks, uhhh the *Iron Man* cartoon predicted the 9/11 attacks, um... terrible stuff that you've brought to the table today, Josiah.") Well, my - \*cough\* sorry, my vagus nerve is all \*cough\* fucked up um \*burp\*. The - my point is just that the cartoons pre- have predicted the future, and one of the most biggest predictions hidden in plain sight is um - \*Josiah and Drew watch a video called "Family Guy Quagmire Giggity Giggity Goo"\* (Drew: "Quagmire?? Now, Quagmire, Josiah, is a known -") I thought you didn't know about these characters. Just - just shut the fuck up and pay attention! So he's - so you - have you heard this thing he says before? So you do know he says - he says - he says this, right? (Drew: "I've seen the memes. I've seen the gifs. I keep up on pop culture, Josiah \*belch\*.") So I just wanna unpack that for a second. So that thing he says, 'Giggity giggity', like, that's been hidden in plain sight, this *Family Guy* prediction of the future that's been in this - (Drew: "Well what's the - what's - what's the prediction??") Well let's - that's what I'm saying! So take what he's saying, OK? Let's just uh, hang on, how do we do this here? Uh slow it down, slow it down. \*Josiah and Drew watch the video "Family Guy Quagmire Giggity Giggity Goo" at 0.25x playback speed\* So do you hear what he's saying? Do you hear that? So he's saying - if you really slow it down - he's saying this: he's saying, 'gig economy, gig economy, gig economy' - (Drew: "No, he's not!") Yeah, that's - (Drew: "Hang on, go back to - go back to it - go back to - go back to Quagmire!") No, that's - that's what he's - no, we don't need to! Everyone else caught that! You slow it down: 'giggity giggity giggity', you slow it down is, 'gig economy, gig economy, gig economy'. He predicted the f- he predicted - he just predicted it! That today, we would have a gig - a 'gig e-', a 'gig economy'! (Drew: "I don't know about that.") Do you know what a - you don't know what a gig economy is? (Drew: "Let me explain the gig economy in one word: get in your van. Well not in one word, but a concept.") Exact- well exactly! Henry Rollings uh famously said th- 'get in my van'. (Drew: "One of the famous gig - I guess one of the - I mean, anybody who played in a band, I guess, really pioneered being part of the gig economy, just by playing gigs.") Well that's exac- I'm so glad - I'm so happy that you said that because I wanna talk today about gigs, and the problem is that, even though we live in a gig economy, the - we don't have gigs anymore because of this dang uh cronovirus ruining all the gigs so there's no more gigs! So back in the day, it was of course the Henry Rollins way of being is how to get gigs! OK so you kind of get it, it's like gigs are everywhere. Everything is a gig, the world is a - I think that was a famous quote: 'The world is a gig'. (Drew: "Mhm. Well, Shakespeare used to say that. Well he wrote it cause he's a - a playwright and not a um speaker, an actor.") But that's what I'm talking about here is that, in a way it's good, but it's sad, too! It's really sad what happened. I'm talking about the coronavirus. (Drew: "Mhm. Well it's awful what's happened - uh people have been killed by it.") And that's true! That's not even a joke! That did happen! (Drew: "No. We joke around a lot on this show, but that's one thing that did happen.") And the thing is that so bec- even worse than that is that there's nowhere for people to gig anymore! The theaters are all closed, the uh open mic nights are but a closed mic day at this point because that's the opposite o- I don't know what the opposite of mic is uh. (Drew: "Um.") My point is that gigs are, as we know it, dead and gone. There are no more gigs, we've developed this perfect gig economy, as predicted by Quagmire, and now we are - (Drew: "Well -") - in our own form of Quagmire with no gigs to go to. (Drew: "OK. So.. what are you getting at? Obviously you're bringing the gig econ - 'gigitouttame' up. Um.. what is your point, Josiah?") Well what if we have all these people ready to go, just rarin' to go, ready to work, ready to do things, ready to get things goin. I mean, just think of all the out of work, for example, acrobats. All the out of work circus performers who just have nothing. They've got no- I mean, their life was in the tent, and now the tent is gone! (Drew: "Right. A lot of uh animals.") So what if we used their abilities and had them - what if we just - what if we just let them do - what if we just let the circus - what if we just let the stage become the - what if the circus was let loose on the city? And what I'm proposing is a new gig-based economy where we - What if we just let the acrobats loose on the city?
* Timetable: No timetable was given for the implementation of the new gig economy. However, since it is a direct fix for the ravages done to the existing gig economy by COVID-19, it will presumably be ready very soon.
* Idea details:
	+ Quagmire predicted the gig economy because if you slow down his catchphrase 'giggity giggity goo' it sounds like he's saying 'gig economy, gig economy'. COVID has ravaged the gig economy, leaving many people out of work. In the new gig economy, these out of work people will be given new jobs based on their existing strengths.
	+ Acrobats will be given the job of human bicycle, which will take four acrobats per human bicycle.
	+ Fire breathers will work at a hot dog stand and will breathe fire in order to cook food.
	+ Buskers will be shipping and receiving hubs, where if you're not home and you try to get an Amazon package delivered by an acrobat, for example, and the acrobat swings by and you're not home, then they will simply leave your package in the open guitar case of a nearby busker. There will be a person guarding it so when you return later, you can safely go pick up your delivered package.
	+ Symphony conductors will work as air traffic controllers.
	+ Didgeridoo players will water plants that are high up by taking a sip and then spitting it out up top.
	+ Sound mixers from night clubs will work in the control room for NASA because of all the computers and knobs.
	+ Would-be indie film director darlings will find work by filming realtor videos and corporate videos.
	+ Bass guitar players will work on power lines because they already know about thick cords from the thick strings on their bass guitars.
	+ DJs and mixers will work in industrial-size bakeries and soup kitchens and cement mixing facilities because they know how to mix.
	+ Underground indie musicians and artists will be placed underground and trapped in the sewer with all the shit and piss and they will not be allowed to leave since they want to be underground so badly.
	+ The term for finding a new function in the new gig economy will be Regigging.
	+ Offices will be set up where people can go in and report their previous job function to a Regigger so they can be told a similar job to perform in the new gig economy.
	+ Jazz band saxophone players will find work attracting birds so they will be given a bird call instead of a saxophone. Then they will get on a bus with some guys and drive out into the middle of nowhere and blow on the bird call to summon some birds so the guys can shoot them out of the sky.
	+ Mimes will have a new job of being trapped in a box and either being left there or being human trafficked.
	+ Caricature artists will work as insult comics and roasters.
	+ Improv troupes will work as spies because they already know how to react to different situations and improvise, and as spies they may need to do things like seduce a general and thus improvise a five-person improv troupe seduction technique and then kill him. This will involve the five-person improv troupe successfully creating the illusion of a sexy woman, which is a very precarious position because if any of them break and start giggling, the illusion will fail and the general will see it is simply five improv troupe performers on a bed with him and then he will pull out. He has a sidearm so there is a very real threat depending on what he decides to do at that point. Alternatively, in the event that the improv troupe performers only break for a second, and the illusion only vanishes very briefly, the performers will need to be skilled enough to be able to convince him that they are indeed a sexy woman and that the flash he saw momentarily was only his PTSD acting up for a second.
	+ Bingo ball boys will work as quarterbacks calling out plays.
	+ Strippers will work as whatever fake job they role-played as a stripper. For instance, some male strippers might become Female Breast Inspectors working for the FBI, or they will become a hot cop working for the police force where they will spend their time brutalizing the less fortunate people in our society. Strippers could also find work by taking paint off of things since they are good at taking things off.
	+ Art painters will simply find work painting fence or community center or side of barn, for instance.
	+ Mixologists will work on the COVID vaccine by mixing all the vaccines together to find the cure.
	+ Movie theater ushers will form together to form Usher the singer, which will require approximately ten movie theater ushers forming together as one. The singer Usher will usher weddings once weddings are allowed again. Because there are so few weddings post-COVID, it will only require one usher to successfully accommodate them all.
	+ Puppets who do children's puppet shows will work as erotic massage therapists because they're good with their hands.
	+ Each household in the world will have a mixer who is living there with them and mixing things like milkshakes for them.

## Notable Events

* Gut Health Warning
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "10 Ways to Improve Your Vagal Tone | Don't Hate Your Guts w/ Dr. Jennifer Franklin" about ways to stimulate your vagus nerve in order to promote ease, relief, and healing. Later in the video, Josiah and Drew learned that another great way to stimulate the vagus nerve is through vocalization. They practiced this together by taking an abdominal thoracic breath and, on exhale, they sang 'mmm' because that vibration oscillates the air which starts to turbulate inside your nasal center to release nitric oxide as a second way to lubricate your vasculature, similar to doing whippets. Next they made the 'ahh' sound by letting their mandible drop and then taking an abdominal thoracic breath as if there's a giant apple in the back of their throats, which induces stretch in the back of the throat, mouth, and jaw. Next they made the 'ooh' sound by pursing their lips into a sphere in front of their lips and then taking an abdominal thoracic breath. Finally they put all three sounds together at the same time, which sounds like 'Om' but it also sounds like 'mom', which is itself another good way to get that connection spark that the vagus nerve is responsible for. Then they repeated this process with all their listeners.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Top 10 Scary Cartoons That Predicted The Future" about how, contrary to popular belief, *The Simpsons* is not the only cartoon that has predicted the future, despite the fact that it's definitely the most prolific cartoon in terms of predicting stuff but it is not alone.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Family Guy Quagmire Giggity Giggity Goo".
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "The Gig Economy Explained in One Minute: Definition, Job Examples (Uber, Fiverr, Freelancer), etc." about properly understanding the definition of the gig economy.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "How to Get Gigs - My 5 Tips | The DIY Musician Guide" about if you're just starting out and you're struggling to get gigs for yourself or your band.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "What You'll Need to Gig" about some stuff you might need to get a live acoustic rig up and on the road.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Basic Essentials for Every Musicians Gig Bag" about some of the basic essentials that are necessary for a musician to travel with for playing gigs.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "What is Gig Theatre?" about what exactly gig theatre means to the Middle Child family, whether you're an actor, director, writer, or audience member.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Extreme Acrobats Avoid Police for INSANE Public Stunts / ft Cirque du Soleil" about Cirque du Soleil doing photo dares on Wall Street due to COVID-19.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video of a four-person human bicycle.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video of someone playing the didgeridoo.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Tony 'n Tina's Wedding - Official Trailer".
* Globe Hell Cauldron
* Drew revealed that he is anti-vaccine.

## Notable Quotes

### Josiah

* "Drew's workshop here. Usually we're workshopping uh jokes but today, Drew's workshopping some actual uh tool- uh he's working with his hands, and normally when he's working - normally he's - (Drew: "Don't say it. Just shut the fuck up.") What??"
* "[In response to Drew saying he's done] You finished jacking off?"
* "[On the topic of vigoration] I like to just get the right - just a nice sort of mid-vigorated feeling. So sometimes I'll - if I'm too vigorated, I'll jack off to bring it down, and then other times I'll uh, you know, have some Red Bull to get it back up, and it's kind of just a mixture - Red Bull in, uh semen out, until I get the perfect level of vigoration to go about my day."
* "[On the topic of Globe Hell Warning being like a magazine because there's a new issue every time] And, like most magazines with an iss- with a new issue, it means Drew will be grabbing a tissue!"
* "[On the topic of the vagus nerve] Do we have this too? As w- cis men, we have a va- we have a vagi? \*belch\*"
* "So she's a psychologist who talks to your asshole?"
* "[On the topic of the homeostatic response] 'No homeo' could be funny."
* "Is this gonna make us shit if we do this?"
* "[On the topic of the back of the throat] Well I don't have a gag reflex so that's good."
* "Does this have to do with the ass?"
* "[In response to stimulating his vagus nerve] \*cough\* \*cough\* \*cough\* \*wheeze\* I feel great! I feel fantastic! That was b- that was amazing! Something just came out of me! My vag- my vagina, or whatever it's called. What was it? The vagi- uh was it the - the vagus nerve? Uh I feel fantastic, Drew. How about you? How are you doing? Did you just get here or wh- have we already done the intro? I can't remember."
* "[On the topic of Globe Hell Warning] And it's like a magazine where you get an issue and then when Drew gets the magazine issue, he needs a tissue."
* "My - \*cough\* sorry, my vagus nerve is all \*cough\* fucked up um \*burp\*."
* "Just - just shut the fuck up and pay attention!"
* "So you don't think that Quagmire predicted the 'gig econom-', 'giggity co-' - just try to say it!"
* "Sure, *Iron Man* predicted uh the Boston Marathon bombing, but he didn't say - he didn't predict Free Jahar movement or whatever. Like they - you know, it's - these predictions, you have to take em with a grain of salt, but I personally believe that Quagmire predicted the 'gig e-' 'gig economy'. 'Giggity conomy'. I think he predicted it! And, you know what, it's OK if you don't want to believe that we have different beliefs, but I think it's another example of Seth MacFarland predicting the future."
* "[On the topic of someone not having condoms in his gig bag] He just does oral stuff, no need for condoms."
* "But that's what I'm talking about here is that, in a way it's good, but it's sad, too! It's really sad what happened. I'm talking about the coronavirus."
* "[On the topic of the coronavirus] And the thing is that so bec- even worse than that is that there's nowhere for people to gig anymore! The theaters are all closed, the uh open mic nights are but a closed mic day at this point because that's the opposite o- I don't know what the opposite of mic is uh."
* "Well what if we have all these people ready to go, just rarin' to go, ready to work, ready to do things, ready to get things goin. I mean, just think of all the out of work, for example, acrobats. All the out of work circus performers who just have nothing. They've got no- I mean, their life was in the tent, and now the tent is gone! So what if we used their abilities and had them - what if we just - what if we just let them do - what if we just let the circus - what if we just let the stage become the - what if the circus was let loose on the city?"
* "[On the topic of a Globe Hell Cauldron] I mean, that probably is a good idea to do for the future, sort of a big cauldron where you trick somebody into thinking it's a bath and then you cook them ali- cannibalism maybe? Should we do a cannibalism thing?"
* "I think it's reprehensible, but we could human traffic mimes."
* "If you've already got a mime in a box, you may as well sell it to someone. Someone's buying. It's a seller's market, I think."
* "[On the topic of whether they should human traffic mimes that are trapped in boxes] This conversation is a mimefield."
* "What about like a improv troupe maybe could be uh f- sorta the frontline bait soldiers in a war and they would just be slaughtered first?"
* "And guess what? I'm not wearing pants right now. I'm wearing assless chaps right now. And I'm pump - and I'm using a breastmilk pump on my dick while we talk. And it really hurts a lot."
* "If you're vaccinated, you're still allowed to go get a rub-and-tug, I think."
* "[On the topic of getting a rub-and-tug] I always thought it'd be funny to open a uh houseware store called Rug-And-Tub. Could be pretty good uh..."
* "Save the environment, save the world, and save the local. Think local, also, Gl- and global. Hell."

### Drew

* "The screw is stripped. But I think that actually helps a bit."
* "Don't say it. Just shut the fuck up. Just - just be quiet."
* "[On the topic of falling asleep after jacking off] Well I certainly don't go to bed. I get revigorated."
* "All right, Josiah, you don't need to make this entire podcast about me jacking off, all right? This podcast is also about gut health."
* "[In response to Josiah saying he couldn't hear the video because Drew kept talking] Well then you should shut the fuck up because I have to respond to your stupid questions."
* "Don't talk about my mom's vagus nerve."
* "[In response to Josiah saying he wants to talk about cartoons] OK well that's something that you know about, being a child. Acting like a - acting like a child."
* "The Boston Marathon attacks? It say *American Dad* watch - uh predicted the Boston terror attacks, is what this video says? Is it - but - just let me - hang on, hang on, Josiah, I wanna wa- lemme see this awful video that - what else does it say it predicted? Oh, the Pentagon attacks, uhhh the *Iron Man* cartoon predicted the 9/11 attacks, um... terrible stuff that you've brought to the table today, Josiah."
* "[On the topic of knowing who Quagmire is] I've seen the memes. I've seen the gifs. I keep up on pop culture, Josiah \*belch\*."
* "Hang on, go back to - go back to it - go back to - go back to Quagmire!"
* "Shut the fuck up and let's watch this video to humor our listeners."
* "There's no 'c-', there's no 'c', there's no 'co', there's no 'con', there's no 'co-', there's no 'eek' - 'econ'! There's no 'mony' in 'giggity'! This is a very thin thread."
* "Let me explain the gig economy in one word: get in your van. Well not in one word, but a concept."
* "[On the topic of having more cables than you need if you're going to play a gig] I'd rather have Cable from *Deadpool*."
* "Hey, where are the condoms?"
* "[On the topic of only doing oral stuff and not needing condoms] Well, you should still wear a condom."
* "Go ahead. Go ahead. You don't wanna hear from me? Just fuckin talk."
* "[On the topic of mixers working with a big cauldron in the new gig economy] Do we have any big cauldron ideas? Like a Globe Hell Cauldron that they could stir? Is there any - can we pull them into any of our things?"
* "I think the improv troupe would actually come in handy to infiltrate uh different - like, they would be the best spies! Because they know how to react to different situations cause you just give em an idea, they're able to go off of that. And that's something that a spy needs to be able to do. They need to be able to improvise, and they need to be able to improvise in a number of different ways, from, you know, uh saying, you know, maybe they have to trick a general - you need to seduce a general - they need to improvise a seduction technique, this troupe. A five-person troupe, they're seducing a general. And then they have to improvise a way to kill him."
* "[In response to Josiah's question about how an improv troupe decides which one of them is going to be penetrated] Well it's - it doesn't work like that, Josiah. That's not how improv works. Improv is about thinking quickly on your feet, it's not about who's getting penetrated."
* "[On the topic of hosting a podcast with someone who isn't your friend] Yeah. Just some piece of shit. A big piece of shit that y- some- someone that you would actually kill if you saw in rea- in person. That is a fuckin threat on your life."
* "Giggity."

## Trivia

* This is the second episode in a row with the word 'The' as the first word of the episode title, after Episode 44: The Marxist 007.