Stirfry

*"By the beak of mine own! We're not here no mo!"*

## Character Information

### Skills

talented cook, experienced thief, and capable marksman. Observant feat, detachable body parts

### Equipment

hand crossbow, ring with a wax bee in it (Stirfry thinks it's gold), butcher's knife

## Podcast Information

### Player

Tim Platt

Avian rogue and personal chef to Frederick de Bonesby in the Class Dismissed campaign. Unlike most of his kind, Stirfry was given the ability to speak by de Bonesby when he was at his full magical prowess. While capable of being quite ruthless, Stirfry is desperate for the approval and acceptance, especially from Mr. de Bonesby.

Stirfry was a talented thief before he attempted to rob the de Bonesby manor. The master wizard was impressed by his ambition and cullinary talents, so he granted Stirfry the ability to speak and forced him to serve as his cook. Stirfry quickly developed fanatical loyalty to him.

While a capable fighter, Stirfry's enthusiasm, skittish nature, and pathologically low status easily get the best of him. He is a huge gossip and takes a special interest in other peoples' crushes.

## Appearance

Stirfry resembles a humanoid crow wearing a hooded cloak over his clothing. He carries a variety of cooking tools as well as his weapons.

## Relationships

Stirfry proves himself useful on many occasions, but his aimlessly chatty nature, constant curiosity and strange interests make him a lightning rod for ire in and out of the party. He is desperate for acceptance and appreciation, and small inconsequential compliments are quick to go to his head. Even when he is captured by giant spiders, Stirfry appears primarily upset to hear that Bellow might not consider him a friend. Strangers are occasionally charmed by his false confidence while others quickly grow tired of him.

Stirfry often comments on other characters' crushes and gossips with Cordelia. He is keenly aware of Albee's crush on Bellow, and likes to flaunt this information on occasion, often to Albee's anger or embarrassment.

Stirfry admires Bellow's level head and beauty. Stirfry is charmed by Hot Roddy's offensive attitude and attempts to act like a bully while around him. Bellow reasons that Stirfry simply imprints on whichever personality around him is the strongest. Stirfry seems to harbor some mild but poorly hidden romantic feelings for Bellow, but has admitted under duress that he would "fuck" him.

His clearest and most complicated relationship is with Frederick de Bonesby. He initially calls him "Mister de Bonesby," and is quick to sing his praises for little to no reason. He has proven willing to kiss his feet and will offer to humiliate or even kill himself for his respect. Frederick is extremely dismissive of Stirfry, calling him "my bird" or suggesting that Stirfry is some sort of divine punishment he's earned. Frederick seems entirely unwilling or unable to give him the praise he desires, which makes Stirfry even more desperate.

After Frederick is separated from the group in Soaking Valley, Stirfry begins to come into his own, appearing much more energetic and cheerful. Stirfry considers leaving de Bonesby in jail. When he ultimately learns that Frederick met and taught another creature (Legion) to speak, Stirfry blows up at de Bonesby and performs his final act as his personal servant by aiding in his escape. While de Bonesby becomes slightly more friendly towards the party Stirfry becomes more independent and resentful of his old master. They eventually talk over Stifry's issues at Ruleshaven, where they bury the hatchet, despite Frederick conceding virtually nothing to Stirfry and remaining manipulative and dismissive of him.

Stirfry takes Flipcup into his personal care, keeping him in his pocket most of the time. As he matures, Flipcup grows to resent his treatment and becomes becomes hostile to the party, Stirfry in particular. Stirfry remains oblivious to this and assumes they enjoy a loving relationship.

Stirfry was a member of The Bloody Bloody Gentlemen, an all-kenku team/family of thieves and assassins. After Frederick was impressed by his skills as a thief and gave him the power to speak in exchange for his servitude, he abandoned them. His abrupt departure as well as his new ability to speak independently creates a deep rift between him and the group, which only worsens upon his return.

## Quotes

* *"Ouchy mama!"*
* *"It's Stirfry, bitch."*
* *"Stirfry **or*****gasms*"***
* *"If it helps you survive, it's good to let others pay the price."*
* *Cordelia: "Would you cook us?"*

*Stirfry: "GOD no! You'd all be awful to eat!"*
* *"Kaiser Permanente, that's hot! Chase mobile app, I'm horny!"*

## Trivia

* Stirfry acquired his name after Frederick would often request the dish. His true kenku name is the sound of a sharpening knife.
* Stirfry can speak Goblin and eventually learns to read lips with mixed results.
* Stirfry resents Frederick for not following through on the promise of granting him flight
* Stirfry is the most sexually active member of the party, as seen in Episode 11: All the Little Ants, wherein he participates in an affair off-screen with a female elf determined to have one. He's heavily implied to have had a sexual relationship with Splish-Splash and Albee described the tent that he and Natalie Armpits share as "smelled like sex." He confesses to Hot Roddy that as a result of his promiscuity, he might have a child that he's unaware of.
* Stirfry associates the song Hey, Soul Sister with flying, singing it while airborne during both Mountaintop and Ding Dong.
* Due to the nature of Frederick’s magic Stirfry’s ability to speak is technically a curse.
* Stirfry claims to own an apartment in Piss Harbor.
* There is a running gag of suggesting or threatening that Stirfry dies throughout the series.
* After body-swapping with Frederick, Stirfry can disassemble himself and rearrange his body parts in humorous ways.
* Among Stirfry's strange exclamations, Kaiser Permamente is repeated throughout the series. The line actually originates from Branson playing as Stirfry in The Thin Black Line.