Emmitt- Bunk'd

I am 27 years old and I've lived all my life in Mooserump, Maine. I am the greatest historian in Moose-Rump. I would go to great lengths to preserve what I have built. Why would I say about myself that I'm not a great guy? I mean yes I'm aware that I've captured Mooserump's precious first mayor and am holding it for ransom, but I found it and as the person who knows this town best I should have it. None of these outsiders have truly worked to make this town great like I have. I love this town and if I have to be that guy to preserve its legacy I will.

Some of my impressive knowledge of the town:

* The woodchuck I found is actually the first Mayor of Moose Rump. I know he was kept hostage over at camp kikiwaka, but one day I was blessed with the little guy falling from the sky crashing through some lady's windshield, which was the best thing to ever happen to me. Now my store will get the respect it deserves and I will have the town's most important artifact to prove it. The woodchuck died in office when Jedidiah hunted him down during the camp's formation. Now that I have him he's pretty valuable and people are going to be coming for him so I'll definitely boobytrap the area for when the campers show up.
* Camp Kikiwaka- a summer camp that is located near Mooserump, Maine. Jedediah Swearengen founded the camp in 1868. It was for a time run by Glady's Swearengen, but currently is run by a former camp counselor named Lou. I'm not sure how the place has stayed open give how cheap it is and the number of health code violations it seems to break. It is within walking distance of the Canadian border.
* What almost lead to the destruction of Mooserump, Maine? Easy the Poison Ivy Napkin mix-up of 1895.
* The first dentist of Mooserump? A string tied to a door. Jedediah's trusty toothpick paul. Trick question you mean dentists as Moose Rump's local woodchucks helped the townspeople clean their teeth.
* The first doctor of Mooserump? A jar full of leeches. The tall oak tree a mile past camp kikiwaka that the settler's hugged whenever they felt grumpy. Woodchuck dung after it's been left out for a day. It was celebrated for both its healing properties and ability to ward off spirits.
* Official musical instrument? The baritone jug
* First class ever taught at Mooserump elementary? A complete history of our flat earth and how to not to fall off the edge. Still taught to this very day. A settler's guide to trees and how we can use them to see things.
* Who was moose rumps first sheriff? Tabby McClaws, a kitty who got stuck in a gun holster.
* How the town get its name? It's named after a moose's butt.
* The first lady of mooserump was Mary swearengen who came two years after her husband because wasn't doing his part of the parenting duties.
* Mooserump is the lost luggage capital of the world.
* Moose Rump is the hometown of spam.
* We are home to the Dog Bark Park Inn the only beagle shaped hotel in the world.
* A series of large sculptures that were made in honor of John Franz called corn henge was built in Dublin, Maine.

Scene one:

What?- My store has been invaded by the camp rats who want the precious woodchuck I just found.

Where? My Antiques, collectibles and assorted jerky store. I have a list of my assorted jerkies in the back. We obviously have regular, teriyaki, spicy, peppered, sweet and spicy, garlic, black pepper, and habanero. I have mostly deer mounted becuase it's real hard to catch one of them woodchucks or a weasel... I mean honestly I can't do it to them they're so innocent. But, you know. I do have a real cool hawk next to that water fountain though.

Why? Because that woodchuck Larry is the product of my own ancestors and a symbol of the greatness of Mooserump, Maine. I also know it's very valuable and someone will pay me a lot of money for it. I like money.

When? 2019 before the pandemic during the summer. It's a little bit hot and uncomfortabe.

Goals: Protect what is mine. Teach and inform them that they're wrong and I'm right. Discourage them into leaving. I think I do want to make them feel bad for thinking they could just come and steal it in the first place too.

Goals: Show these kids who's boss and send them packing. Overwhelm, demolish, shock surprise.