Back to Beardland

*Episode Description*: Someone is trying to get into Space Tree's Ship so it can KILL EVERYBODY, how are they gonna get outta this one?? Oh wait it's just some dude with a beard.

## Transcript

*(open to the radar on the Intruder Detekter, with a single blip on it)*

**COMMANDER:** Oh my god. An intruder on the starboard bow! *{Cocks the staple gun}* Well if they think they're getting in here... *{points the gun to his own head}* they'll never take me alive!

*{The doorbell rings.}*

**COMMANDER:** Sounds like someone's at the door!

*{Wipe to the ship's door, with the "door release" and "fiery execution" buttons from the prison cell next to it}*

**COMMANDER:** Who is it?

**MEE:** *{offscreen}* Your mama. Open the door.

**COMMANDER:** My dead mama? Well even *I* find that to be highly unlikely. But I'd better not take the risk. *{He presses the fiery execution button, and the door opens. Mee, who now has a beard, enters, gasping for breath.}*

**MEE:** Finally. I've been holding my breath out there for a long time!

**SPACE TREE:** Hey, what are you doing here?

**MEE:** Well, I just had to get outta the house, Space Tree. PinkFrosting was all like, "mehmehmehmehmeh" all the time so, I had to get outta there. I mean, you know what those women are like, I don't have to tell you, right?

**COMMANDER:** You definitely don't have to tell me.

**SPACE TREE:** Right, so you left PinkFrosting88's trio.

**MEE:** Hey, it was *my* trio. I mean, I thought of the idea of three people.

**SPACE TREE:** ... Right. Well, on an unrelated matter I need to go and use the telephone.

*{He runs out of the room. Cut to PinkFrosting and Space Tree on the phone.}*

**PINKFROSTING88:** Oh, is that what he told you? Well that superpowerless idiot is full of crap. I kicked him outta here like three weeks ago. He blew up a whole wing of the ship! And it cost me tens of hundreds of dollars to repair it, which I could easily afford.

**SPACE TREE:** What do you mean, superpowerless idiot?

**PINKFROSTING88:** I mean he's an idiot without superpowers. I dunno what happened, he seemed to lose it after that space president job. Which just makes him even more useless to me, I'm trying to run a business here, you know? I'm not just frickin' around like you do. And now I have to find a third member for the Reginalds. This whole thing just makes me so mad that I could just... eat this phone.

*{She bites off half of the receiver. Cut back to the door where the Commander is standing. Space Tree runs back in.}*

**SPACE TREE:** Hey, where'd he go? There's no way he's living here.

**COMMANDER:** He said he just had to shave, he'll just be a few minutes.

*{The screen dims and "CURRENT TIME: 11:04" appears at the bottom of the screen. It quickly advances to 11:09, and the screen returns to normal.}*

**COMMANDER:** I mean days.

*{The screen dims again. "CURRENT DAY: WEDNESDAY" appears. It quickly advances to "Funday". (Which should have been Monday). The screen returns to normal. Mee comes back.}*

**MEE:** Oh, that's better. Now I was just thinking that I'll sleep in that room over there. {Points to a door that says "Space Tree's Office", which he has written over in red to read "Mee's Office"}

**SPACE TREE:** No, that's not going to happen. Hey, why don't you just make a portal and go somewhere good?

**MEE:** *{angry}* Because I don't want to, alright? What else am I going to do, you can't just leave me here in the cold, empty depths of space.

**VOICE:** *{offscreen}* Oh, look who's talking!

*{Pan over to reveal the voice is coming from Mee's beard}*

**COMMANDER:** What the hell are you?

**MEE'S BEARD:** I'm Meelord Marone's beard! I've been attached to his face for weeks and he was just gonna shave me off and abandon me in the cold empty depths of the sink. So frig you! *{He flips Mee off}*

**MEE:** Look, I told you I didn't want a beard.

*{Mee's Beard gets a ladder and climbs to eye level with Mee}*

**MEE'S BEARD:** Well, I don't want your *face*! So why don't you get some surgery to reduce your chin size, huh? Why not that?

**MEE:** I already did.

**MEE'S BEARD:** Well good riddance I say. Actually, great riddance because I'm going back to beardland. *{He walks off}*

**COMMANDER:** Beardland? What's that, like a land of beards?

**MEE'S BEARD:** Well why don't you see for yourself? Beardland is just inside my mouth boy. *{He opens his mouth really wide}*

**COMMANDER:** Really?

**ALLON:** Hey, I want to go to Beardland too! Yay! *{He runs up to Mee's Beard, but it bites down tearing Allon's arm off as soon as he reaches it}* Oh, what, cause I'm green?

*{Cut to Mee holding a knife.}*

**MEE:** Die beardo! {He stabs the beard and it lays on the ground dying.}

**SPACE TREE:** Hey, that wasn't really necessary. I mean, he only bit Allon.

**MEE'S BEARD:** My dying wish is that Meelord Marone be allowed to live on this ship.

**MEE:** Well, you heard him, Space Tree.

**SPACE TREE:** Why should I do what he says?

**MEE'S BEARD:** Come closer, and I'll tell you.

**SPACE TREE:** I can't bend down. Just speak louder.

**MEE'S BEARD:** There is... another... space tree. *{He lies down, apparently dead}*

**SPACE TREE:** Yeah, I know, I made that robot version of myself.

**MEE'S BEARD:** *{Sits up and speaks normally again}* No, I mean a different space tree you dick! One you haven't met. And she's a real bitch too. *{He dies again.}*

**SPACE TREE:** She? Well that's some in-ter-est-ing in-for-mat-ion. I guess I'll have to honor his dying wish. You can stay on the ship Meelord.

**MEE:** Thanks, idiot.

*{Mee's Beard gets back up, apparently not hurt at all}*

**MEE'S BEARD:** All right, the scam worked. Now where's my payment?

*{Mee pulls out the staple gun and shoots the beard. A pool of blood forms underneath it.}*

**MEE:** Heh, people say some crazy stuff when they're dying.

*{Roll end credits.}*

## Easter Eggs

* Click between the "replay" and the "menu" button on the end screen

**Easter Egg Transcript:**

**MEE:** And by people I mean talking beards. But... if I'd said... "talking beards say some crazy stuff" that would have sounded awkward, so... y'know.

**SPACE TREE:** Yeah, thanks for clearing that up.

## Fun Facts

* The buttons at the door say "open door" and "fiery execution", just as in I'm Gonna Kill You in the Space.
	+ The Commander presses the execution button.
* During the credits, 'Ad Etlin' changes for one frame to 'My Throat Hurts'.

* The Intruder Detekter alarm sound is the same as the party detector.

### References

* This episode foreshadows the reveal of Female Space Tree, prior to her appearance in The S Word.
* Mee's Beard saying "There is another Space Tree.." while on his deathbed is a reference to Yoda's line "There is another Skywalker..." in Return of the Jedi.