Plainfield, IL

> "*If I die, there will be no more fighting. No more claws in my brain. No more embarrassment, no more psych wards, no more cops. No more war. For either of us. But if I live... Then we get the baby.*"
> ― Kate to Shawn
>
>

**Plainfield, IL** is the fifth episode of the first season of the Hulu original series *Monsterland* and the fifth episode of the series overall.

## Synopsis

A suburban lawyer debates life and death.

## Plot

**SPOILERS AHEAD**

16 years ago, Kate and Shawn met at the University of Chicago, both studying in law. Present day, they’re a happily married couple celebrating their 15 year anniversary in the bathroom stall of a nightclub. They go to the bar, where they brainstorm on all the things they want to do for year 16. Shawn wants to renovate the basement, and Kate wants to get a white dove orchid and finish the scrapbook in time for Heather’s bat mitzvah. She then jokes about killing their neighbor, Barb Bressler and her dog, Susan. Kate suggests also taking off for a six week vacation in Italy. When Shawn agrees, she pulls the plane tickets from her pocket, explaining that they leave in a month.

Kate and Shawn return home drunk and set off the security alarm. While Shawn deals with the alarm, Kate tries to retrieve the corkscrew from the childproofed cabinet containing all the sharp items in the house. Shawn reluctantly agrees to one more drink and removes the lock. However, she fails to lock it back after finding the corkscrew.

16 years ago, Shawn knocks on Kate’s door and tells her to get dressed for dinner. Kate asks Shawn if she received her message — a 28 second breakup voicemail. However, after six months together, Shawn refuses to let Kate go. Kate reveals that she has type 1 bipolar disorder and is prone to manic episodes. Most recently, she was running around her neighborhood naked. She takes a ton of medication and goes to therapy regularly. A social worker once told her to surround herself with life, so she often buys plants. She’s more in it with Shawn every second, but she has to walk away for her own good, as well as Shawn's. Shawn’s rebuttal is that she loves Kate. However, Kate is certain that it will eventually wear Shawn down and she’ll realize it’s too much.

Present day, Kate climbs on top of Shawn and starts kissing her. Shawn gets a text from their daughter, Heather. She wishes them a happy anniversary. Shawn says that she hopes Heather is alright, which triggers Kate. She believes that Shawn blames her for having to send Heather away to boarding school. Shawn reluctantly admits that Heather is gone because Kate tried to kill herself three times within the last year. And the most recent time, Heather found Kate passed out in her own vomit. Kate suspects that Shawn simply sees her as a crazy woman and starts to cry hysterically. Shawn pleads with her, but Kate continues. Shawn awakens later that night to find Kate dead in the tub after having slit her wrists. She slowly backs out the bathroom and shuts the door behind her.

15 years ago, Shawn had a session with her therapist and shared how she just moved in with her girlfriend, Kate, after a year together. She loved Kate, but she struggled with her mental health. When she was depressed, all she could talk about was dying and it scared Shawn. She’d already tried once in college and again in her 20s. It'd gotten to the point where Shawn thought “Well, fuck, Kate, if you really wanna die so bad, just tucking do it.” Shawn instantly regretted saying this out loud.

Present day, Shawn struggles with the fact that Kate is dead. While her body sits in the tub, Shawn doesn’t call the police. Rather, she oddly starts scrubbing the wine stain out the carpet. As she furiously scrubs, Kate slowly approaches from behind. Shawn is in complete disbelief. Kate has no recollection of taking her own life. She questions what happened and why she’s wet. Shawn gets to her feet and hugs Kate. Shawn looks down and notices the long vertical gashes going down Kate’s arms, from where she cut herself.

Shawn makes Kate a cup of coffee, but she doesn’t have the stomach for it. She asks Shawn to remind her what happened last night. The last thing she remembers is going to the bar for their anniversary. Shawn claims that they partied, got home late, and Kate took a bath and must've fallen asleep in the tub. Kate then remarks that she’s so cold that she can feel her bones, so Shawn goes to get her a sweatshirt. Kate walks back into the bathroom, where there is a tub full of blood, though she doesn’t appear concerned. She simply inquires about the water.

Shawn prepares to go to work while Kate stays home to finish the scrapbook. Shawn arrives at work but is distracted throughout most of the day as she’s worried about Kate. Shawn returns home to find Kate sitting in the dark with the scrapbook. She’s been staring at a picture trying to figure out who the woman in the photo is. Shawn explains that it’s Kate’s mom.

14 years ago, Kate and Shawn moved into their suburban home. Kate was ready to have a baby and wanted to carry it herself. She’d been stable for a year with no triggers. She’d even scale back at work and bump up therapy. However, Shawn was worried that it would be too hard but Kate was more than ready.

Present day, while leaving for work, Shawn watches as Kate pulls a lock of hair out her head. She says that she wants to go outside, but Shawn advises her against it. Shawn offers to call out of work to stay with Kate, who is clearly deteriorating. Shawn finds Kate a hat and prepares a meal, though the smell of food makes Kate nauseous. Shawn then turns on the radio, which comes off as an unbearable high-pitched tone to Kate. She screams and begs Shawn to turn it off. Shawn proposes they have a debate over white and red sauce. She makes her argument for red sauce, hoping for Kate’s rebuttal. Instead, Kate’s eye falls onto her plate. Someone’s at the door. So Shawn hides Kate in Heather’s bedroom and gives her an eyepatch.

Shawn answers the door. It’s their neighbor, Barb. While walking her dog, she heard a woman’s scream. She asks if Kate is doing alright. Shawn insists that she’s fine. However, Barb recalls the scene from the bake sale, where Kate had one of her episodes. Though, Shawn has repeatedly apologized for that instance. She assures that it won’t happen again and shuts the door.

Shawn returns to Heather’s room to find Kate under their daughter's bed, surrounded in a circle of dirt. Shawn asks Kate to come from under the bed, but she refuses. It’s dark under the bed, which she likes. When she tells Shawn to leave her alone, Shawn becomes irritated and drags Kate from under the bed by her legs. The sun has gone down and Shawn and Kate both lie on the floor. She apologizes for losing her composure. Kate asks to go outside, but Shawn tells her that she can’t. Kate suddenly remembers how Shawn left her in the bathtub to die the previous evening. When Shawn entered the bathroom and found Kate in the tub with her wrists slit, she was still alive. They even made eye contact, but Shawn left her to die, having found a moment of relief in her wife's death. Shawn apologizes for giving up on her. But she was tired of Kate always trying to kill herself. She promises that she’ll never leave Kate’s side again.

Kate sneaks out of the house after Shawn falls asleep. She goes out into the snow with no shoes and walks the road barefoot. She breaks her ankle during the walk but continues nonetheless. She comes across a dead crow. She holds it close to her chest and takes it into the graveyard, where she digs a shallow grave and lies in the dirt. She is sound asleep by the time Shawn arrives. She wakes Kate up and drags her to the car. It is then that she decides to start doing things Kate’s way.

Shawn goes out into the woods to collect dead animals after setting traps. She returns home and heads down into the basement with a squirrel for Kate, who has deteriorated greatly, to the point where she is unrecognizable, zombie-like. Shawn contemplates quitting her job so that she can spend more time with Kate. She tells Kate that she loves her before going to bed.

13 years ago, Shawn returned home to find Kate surrounded by dozens of plants. Kate was several months along and struggling with her health. She’d been debating with herself whether she should live or die. If she died, there would be no more pain or embarrassment for either of them. But if she lived, then they get the baby. Shawn proposed naming the child Heather, which Kate took a liking to.

Present day, Shawn awakens to the sound of Heather arriving home from boarding school. Shawn rushes up from the basement to greet her. They weren’t expecting her until Christmas, but she decided to come home for a three day weekend. They sit down and talk about Heather’s time away. She likes her new school and has joined the debate team, much to Shawn’s excitement. They then get into a debate over school uniform vs free dress, and Shawn is overwhelmed with joy and just how much Heather resembles Kate.

## Cast

### Starring

* Taylor Schilling as Kate Feldman
* Roberta Colindrez as Shawn Greene

### Guest Starring

* Eva Jette Putrello as Heather Greene-Feldman
* Angela Grovey as Therapist
* Laura Jordan as Barb Bressler

### Co-Starring

* Dartel McRae as Gus
* Kayleigh Shuler as Shawn's Assistant
* Kathleen Kwan as Liz
* Erinn Anova as Law Professor