Am I Gay?

**"Am I Gay?"** is the third episode of the first season of *Big Mouth*. It is the third episode of the series overall. It premiered on September 29, 2017. It was written by Joe Wengert and directed by Mike L. Mayfield.

## Synopsis

A trailer for a new movie starring The Rock leaves Andrew questioning his sexuality. Jessi and Nick's budding romance turns ugly fast.

## Plot

Nick and Andrew watch the trailer for the new Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson movie, Paul Bunyan: New York City. Andrew says he's going to but tickets for him and Nick to go see the movie but Nick says that Andrew doesn't need to buy tickets for him because he's going to see the movie with Jessi on a date, since they're going out and all. At home, Andrew watches the trailer again and gets a boner from The Rock's abs. Maury gets a page about Andrew's boner and when he finds out how Andrew got a boner from a guy, he assumes that he's gay. Andrew denies this because he's only attracted to girls. Maury gives Andrew a gay test to see if he's really straight but Andrew seems to lean more toward homosexuality. Andrew has a shocking epiphany and thinks that he might be gay after all. Then Maury draws a picture of a unicorn buttfucking Mr. Clean.

Nick and Jessi go on a date at Francesco's Ristorante and things are very awkward because they have nothing to talk about, except for there being fluoride in the tap water and Andrew eating all of his melted fruit snacks at school earlier that day. Jessi goes to the bathroom and Connie comes in to tell Jessi about how weird their relationship is. Connie says that they two don't belong together and persuades her to break up with him.

Andrew watches more trailer at night and asks his father, Marty about when he started to like women but Marty is completely useless, giving him no important information at all. All he does is go on a tangent about how he hates everybody except for Barbara, Terry Bradshaw, a Metro North conductor, and his cousin, Eugene. Noticeably, he leaves out Andrew right to his face. Then he leaves to go lie down on the floor in the den and open mail.

After Nick and Jessi's date is over, Jessi breaks it off with Nick in the most painless way possible, telling him that they should just be friends again. Nick seems to be just as okay with breaking up with Jessi as she does although he doesn't seem to understand it's a breakup. He just thinks he's becoming friends with his girlfriend. Greg comes by to pick Jessi up and compliments Nick on his fancy new blazer.

Nick has dinner with his family and Nick proudly tells Elliot and Diane about how he's just friends with Jessi now but when he does, he does not get the reaction he expected. Judd snickers mockingly at him and Elliot and Diane seem to be very upset and disappointed. Leah tells Nick that Jessi just broke up with him. Nick tries to explain that they're still boyfriend and girlfriend only now, they're also friends. Leah explains that Jessi dumped him the same way she dumped her ex-boyfriend, Tyler Kinney. Diane and Elliot remember how Tyler Kinney lit himself on fire in the front yard out of shame over being dumped. Judd makes fun of Nick for being dumped and encourages him to light himself on fire too.

At school, Andrew goes to see the only homosexual he knows, Matthew, and ask him for some advice on being gay because he thinks he might also be gay. Matthew tells Andrew that this is suits him because he sucks at being straight. Matthew also stereotypes Andrew as "the kind of gay guy who's in the air force and then became middle-management at *IBM* and has a condo with a gym in the building" that we all know. Matthew leaves to go do the morning announcements, where he reports on the recent breakup of Nick and Jessi. Matthew interviews Nick about the breakup and Nick says that it was actually him who broke up with Jessi. When Jessi sees this in class, she gets extremely angry over the fact that Nick said that he dumped her, when it was actually her who dumped him. Connie tells Jessi that they're going to get revenge on Nick by reaching up his ass and pulling out his ass heart. In other news, Matthew reports on the pinkeye epidemic at their school by interviewing Coach Steve, who had apparently wiped his eyes with some dodgeball that had some poop on it for some reason.

Andrew decides that because he's gay now, he should try gay porn and Maury convinces him to go along with this. This is his first time watching any porn, so this is really nerve-wracking for Andrew. When Andrew opens a website, he just gets tons of viruses from the porn websites. These same viruses show up on Marty's computer too and he sees some weird gay porn of Terry Bradshaw showering with Howie Long.

Nick tells the boys about how he dumped Jessi and then Jessi comes up, extremely infuriated. She stares him down cowboy style and tells him that it was actually her who dumped him and then insults him in front of everybody, saying that he has a big weird catfish mouth and that she'll tell everybody in the school that he's the world's worst kisser. All of the other students gasp in terror and then Jessi leaves. The whole time, Coach Steve just waltzes around, completely blind from pinkeye.

At Nick's house, Jay tells Nick that he can get revenge on Jessi by spreading a rumor that she eats tiny pieces of shit. Andrew knows this rumor isn't true but Jay says to him that because he's picturing it and they're talking about it, that's a win in his book. Jay says that instead, they should spread a rumor about Jessi being a lesbian but Nick says that if that happens, Jessi would just say that he's gay. Andrew says that it's not bad to be gay, hoping to get the acceptance of his friends before coming out and although Nick seems to be tolerant of the LGBT community, Jay still acts very homophobic, saying that it's very gross for a guy to be sticking his dick into other people's dicks but again, Nick is picturing it and they're talking about it. Andrew gets nervous because of all this gay talk and leaves to go to the bathroom. Jay suggests one more rumor and that's that Jessi puts peanut butter on her dog's dick and licks it off for sexual pleasure but Nick says that it's more reasonable to put peanut butter on your own dick and have the dog lick it off and Jay realizes that this is a much better idea, suggesting he does this at home with Featuring Ludacris.

Andrew goes up to the attic of The Birch House to talk to the ghost of Duke Ellington about his sexuality. Duke has a bunch of weird conspiracy theories. He says that Stevie Wonder wrote the song "Sir Duke" about him and that he's been faking his blindness. He also has a theory about the Jews doing 9/11. Andrew insists that this all a myth but Duke Ellington lets Andrew know that he's picturing it and they're talking about it. All Andrew does is say that he thinks he might be gay and doesn't know what to do about it. Duke tells Andrew that he has nothing to be afraid of. During his many years alive, he's known many a queer in show business and then introduces him to other deceased homosexuals, Socrates, Freddie Mercury, and Antonin Scalia, who was actually a closeted homosexual who was only pretending to be against the gays when he was alive. Freddie Mercury explains just how great homosexuality is to Andrew in the form of a musical number. Andrew is inspired by the beauty of this song and comes out of the closet by joining the musical number and singing about how gay he is in pride.

Andrew comes to school the next day to come out of the closet as gay to Matthew. Matthew tells Andrew that now that he's gay, he needs to get a boyfriend and that boyfriend is Nick. Andrew doesn't believe Nick is anything more than a friend but Matthew disagrees, saying that they do everything together so they must be boyfriends. Maury comes up after indicting Joe Walsh into the rock and roll hall of fame and they both explain to Andrew that asking out Nick to be his boyfriend may be a bad idea because if Andrew comes out to Nick and Nick isn't gay, their friendship is over.

Jessi tries to go and sit with Andrew but when Nick and Jay come over, this makes it a very awkward place for her to sit so she slinks away and goes to sit with Missy instead, who acts as a really good friend to her. Missy heard about her falling out with Nick and tells Jessi that because she dumped Nick, now she can no longer be friends with Nick's friends, Andrew and Jay, as is the law of the jungle. At the boys' table, Nick and Jay bad-mouth Jessi and Andrew tells Nick that he needs to quit worrying about Jessi as a way of trying to convince him to be gay with him but Nick is still sad about Jessi and wants to be her friend again.

Nick goes up to the attic, where he sees Duke, who is working on a new song that will never be released to the world, on account of him being dead. Nick tells Duke that he's sad about his breakup with Jessi and how he wishes to be her friend again. Duke tells Nick that Andrew was up there earlier that week, telling him that he might be gay. Duke says that Andrew was afraid to come out to Nick because he thought he wouldn't accept him but Nick swore that he'd never unfriend Andrew for being gay so he went to Andrew's house to go talk to him.

Nick goes to Andrew's house and says that Duke told him about his homosexuality. Andrew is extremely pissed off at Duke for breaking their unspoken confidentiality. Nick asks Andrew if he's really gay and all Andrew can say is that he got a boner, watching the Paul Bunyan movie trailer and doesn't know what to think anymore. Nick kisses Andrew on the lips to help Andrew feel his sexuality. However, Andrew doesn't feel a thing and confirms with Maury that he's not into guys. Andrew tells Nick that he's not in love with him and Nick worries about his catfish mouth but Andrew says that it's not because Nick was a bad kisser. It's just that he's not gay. Andrew then comes to the realization that Nick was his first kiss and has no idea what to tell his future grandchildren. Andrew imagines himself in the future telling his grandchildren about his gay experience with Nick, who, in the future, is a celebrity on a show called Countdown to Money with Nick Starr.

At the Star Cinema movie theater, Nick and Andrew end up going to see the Paul Bunyan movie after all. While waiting in line to get into the theater, Jessi and Missy show up and Nick tries to avoid them but Andrew tells Nick that he has to talk to Jessi and settle their little dispute once and for all. Jessi insults Nick for being short and Nick insults Jessi for having a big butt. Andrew sasses them into not fighting in a very gay way and realizes that maybe he is gay, after all. Nick and Jessi admit that Andrew is right and they talk things out. They admit that they were both terrible at being a couple but they shouldn't be enemies either. They were both very rude to each other in that fight and they need to put this behind them and just go to watch the damn movie as friends, bringing Andrew and Missy with them. Andrew also runs into Matthew at the movie theater and tells him that he's not gay after all. Matthew tells Andrew that nobody is 100% gay or straight. Everybody is sexually flexible, except for him, apparently, who is 20/20, according to Maury's gay test. This comes as quick an interesting shock to Andrew, to find out that Maury is Matthew's hormone monster too.

Eventually, Nick, Andrew, Jessi, Missy, and Matthew all just watch Paul Bunyan: New York City together and Coach Steve rips through the movie screen, blind as a bat because he can't see on account of his really puffy uncured pink eyes. The episode ends and goes to the "next episode" menu only for Coach Steve to rip through that screen too, still blinded by his pink eyes and looking around for a Walgreens to get a cure for his pink eyes.

## Characters

### Major Characters

* Nick Birch
* Andrew Glouberman
* Jessi Glaser
* Jay Bilzerian
* Maury
* Connie
* Matthew
* Ghost of Duke Ellington
* Freddie Mercury

### Minor Characters

* Marty Glouberman
* Elliot Birch
* Diane Birch
* Judd Birch
* Leah Birch
* Dwayne Johnson
* DeVon
* Caleb
* Coach Steve
* Missy Foreman-Greenwald
* Socrates
* Antonin Scalia
* Joe Walsh
* Lola Skumpy (Pictured)
* Devin (Pictured)
* Mia (Mentioned)
* Roland (Pictured)

## Trivia

* Andrew questions his sexuality when he gets a boner from watching Dwayne Johnson, but eventually settles on being straight.
* First appearances of Marty and Barbara Glouberman.
* Marty only likes four people.
	+ Barbara Glouberman
	+ Terry Bradshaw
	+ A Metro-North train conductor
	+ Eugene Glouberman
* Leah used to date a guy named Tyler Kinney. After she broke up with him, he tried to light himself on fire in the front yard of The Birch House.
* Caleb has a chart of emotions to help him tell what someone else is feeling.
* Maury used to be the hormone monster of Joe Walsh.
* In one of the establishing shots, the billboard outside of Bridgeton Middle School says "Happy Birthday Lenny Kravitz", suggesting this episode takes place on May 26th.
	+ Despite this being very late into the school year, there's still two seasons worth of episodes after this before summer vacation. There's also an episode that takes place on Valentine's Day that takes place between this episode and the aforementioned summer vacation episode.
* Maury is revealed to be Matthew's hormone monster too.
* Coach Steve breaks the fourth wall at the end of the episode, when he rips through the "next episode" screen.

### Cultural References

* *Dwayne Johnson* does a movie about *Paul Bunyan*, which is directed by *Bryan Singer*.
* Maury shows Andrew real photos of *David Bowie* and *Dwayne Johnson*.
* Maury draws a picture of a unicorn buttfucking *Mr. Clean*.

### Continuity

* Nick and Jessi are still dating, after becoming a couple in "Everybody Bleeds".
* Jessi still has Connie as her hormone monstress after getting her in "*Everybody Bleeds*".
* At the end of the episode, the "next episode" screen is shown with a preview for the next episode, "Sleepover: A Harrowing Ordeal of Emotional Brutality". This includes a screenshot of Jessi, Missy, Devin, and Lola having their sleepover.