Courtship and Marriage conventions

## Universal

-Couples anticipating or hoping to conceive children are often given gifts of live chickens, fresh fish, and willow wreaths. Each of these are symbols of the Allmother. Other trinkets made of chicken or fish bones are also common.

-In most of the world, the gender of those involved in a romance doesn't matter much. Eldrimar and Sycraer, however, are more cis- or heteronormative. See Gender and Sexuality for more information on these topics.

## Xeros

Tales of romance in Xeros savor a long courtship filled with anticipation and tension. It's not uncommon for courtship to last years before a committed relationship becomes official. Love at first sight is to be tempered with a period of yearning, not acted upon immediately. Aspects like jealousy and possessiveness are often played up for that beloved tension, but many such stories, especially the classics, still have good morals to them. Engaging one's own jealousy in a safe and honest way - rather than letting it fester - is a common theme. This said, Xerosi audiences are not above indulging in tales that *don't* have that morality to it.

Foreigners often find courting Xerosi lovers to be quite difficult. The foreign lover may not understand why their lover might delay courtship or respond poorly to early advances. While the Xerosi lover may simply be playing coy and savoring the game, the foreign lover may read it as uncertainty and disinterest.

Marriage Proposals traditionally involve the proposer purchasing or making matching of allcloths*.* Marriage allcloths have the same colors, though they are inverted in the pattern.

A proposal can be as simple as offering one of the matching allcloths while wearing its partner. It is not uncommon to have the allcloth delivered rather than giving it directly. Even when given the allcloth directly, it is frowned up on answer immediately. To immediately accept a marriage proposal comes across as being rash and over-eager and squanders the excellent anticipation that comes from the wait.

It is traditional to wait exactly a week before responding. This is called a *coy week*. During a coy week, even eager lovers will be a bit more distant than normal. The one proposed to is expected to take this time to consider the future, compare alternate marriage plans, consult other lovers or spouses if polyamorous, and seek family approval in some cases.

If the receiver of the allcloth accepts the marriage proposal, at the end of the coy week, they will wear their marriage allcloth and meet their new fiance in public. If on this day the receiver does not wear the allcloth and/or does not meet their lover, it is a sign of rejection. Usually the allcloth is returned privately or by courier.

The convention of name switching commonly comes into play for lovers and spouses, though it has become simpler over generations. In ancient times, lovers would name each other after beautiful or precious things. These names would range from simple and straight forward things, like names of gemstones, to abstract terms of pleasant feelings, to even odd words or phrases that made no sense out of context. A person who longed to live on the summit might name their lover Mountain. An avid horse breeder passionate about their career may name their lover Palomino. A person that comes home from a noisy career may name their lover after the sweet succor of Silence. In modern times, often less thought is put into lover's names. There's a large variety of common lovers names that have become acceptable. Many real world pet names like Darling and Honey fit into this category. Using the old method of pet naming is considered to be terribly out of style and a bit embarrassing, though fans of cheesy romances may still go for them.

## Eldrimar

In Eldrimar, courtship and marriage are two totally separate things. Instead, marriage is more of a strategic tool and spouses are treated more like a cousin or minimally a business associate than a romantic partner. Courtship is for lovers with real romantic intent, but marriage is not the end goal. Committed romantic partners are consorts. While romantic relationships can certainly form between marriage candidates, it's not very common. That said, it's more normal for spouses to have non-romantic sexual relationships.