The Red Pills

Greetings boys and GHOULS, I'm getting ALL CHOKED-UP by having COUGH-FFEE at the French SLAY CAFE ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!  They have INVI-GORE-RATING FLAVORS here like: SCARE-A-MEL complete with HARSHMALLOWS and their famous DARK GHOST BLEND with a considerable amount of SUGAR AND SCREAM in them.  They also have my special today, A CUP OF CRUD about a group of hippie friends with an APPEFRIGHT for...

A group of hippies were smoking cigarettes in an apartment up, in New York City, back in the summer of 1970 one evening.  As the four of them sat on the floor together around a lava lamp, "Crimson And Clover" By Tommy James And The Shondells played on a record on a record-player in the room.  "Hey, fellas, we're outta cigarettes!" one hippie told the others.  "I'll go buy some more Don.  Come with me" another hippie responded to him.  "Alright, Jack come on" Don told him, and they took off together.  As Jack drove his car around the city, Don spotted a group of three thugs outside a convenient store.  Jack parked and got out of the car with Don.  The thugs approached them.  "Hey, man, we're only gonna buy a couple packs of cigarettes for our buddies and us.  No trouble please.  Peace and love" Jack begged the trio.  "Oh, hey, sure man.  We got something better for you guys than cigarettes.  These are what our gang call The Red Pills!" one thug told the hippies, handing Don a ziploc bag full of small red capsules.  "Far out man thanks!" Don and Jack thanked them.  "Sure guys, they're free" the thug answered.  Don and Jack took off in the car then and the thug who gave them the red pills laughed to the others: "yeah, those red pills are poisonous, and we'll take off with they're cash when their dead fellas.  I know where their apartment is."

Jack and Don walked into their apartment and "Green Tambourine" By The Lemon Pipers began playing on a record on the record player.  "We're back guys and we have something better than cigarettes.  The Red Pills!" Don told the two hippies sitting in chairs around the record-player.  "Thanks Don.  Let's try them!" one of the hippies in one of the chairs replied, taking the ziploc bag of them from him.  "No problem, Wayne" Don answered him.  Wayne got three capsules out of the bag and handed it to the other hippie in the other chair.  "Here ya go man" Wayne said to him.  "Thanks Wayne" he replied taking two red pills from the bag.  He handed it to Jack.  "Thanks Ryan man" Jack said to him, and he and Don took a handful of pills from the ziploc bag then.  Jack, Don, Wayne and Ryan all swallowed the red pills with gulps from bottles of Jim Beam Whiskey.  As the night wore on, they shared the red pills and swallowed them with more of their whiskey.  "This stuff sure mellows me out man" Ryan told Don.  "Yeah, Ryan, it does me too man" he agreed, standing by the door, relaxed.  Jack was relaxed on the couch, sitting and staring at the lava lamp.  Ryan's neck was rotting.  He scratched it, as Don joined Jack on the sofa, then they all dozed off.

At dawn, the apartment door opened and in walked the three thugs.  "These hippies are all dead now guys.  The Red Pills were poisonous and caused their flesh to rot!" the thug who opened the door described to the other ones.  "Yeah we tricked them.  Sick dude!" they replied to him, looking at the corpses of Jack, Don, Wayne and Ryan.  Both the bodies of Jack and Don were skeletons on the couch, Jack's having his left-eye remaining, and Don's having his right eye remaining.  The thugs stuffed money from tables and wallets from around the apartment into bags, as well as stole some bottles of Jim Beam Whiskey from in the refrigerator and left then.  As the skeletons of Don and Jack sat on the sofa, the right rotted-gooey-boney-hand of Jack's skeleton rose to its skull with the noises of cracking.  Meanwhile, the thugs rode in a car into an alleyway.  The one driving parked and they all got out.  They drank the stolen whiskey together.  Then, in the early-morning light, four figures stumbled towards them from the sidewalk.  They were the zombies of the hippies.  The zombie who was also the skeleton of Jack made black rotten flesh fall from his bones, as he came to the thugs in his tie dye shirt of a colorful swirl, blue jeans and brown boots.  He seemed to laugh in a whispery-voice.  The skeleton of Don had two long strings of flesh hanging from the mouth of his skull, as he stepped in his white tennis shoes, backwards brown baseball cap, blue jeans and white buttoned-down collared-shirt, with his rotted-rib cage visible.  His zombie moaned in a raspy voice.

Wayne's zombie still had his longer straight black hair, but his eyes were missing, and he lurched towards the thugs in his orange khakis, brown loafers, white dress-shirt and black vest, with his decaying-rib cage exposed.  His hands, head and neck had decaying-skin of gray.  He seemed to grin with his mustache, as he repeatedly gasped.  The zombie of Ryan had: yellowish-rotting-flesh, no eyes and no lips.  He slumped into the alley in his white t-shirt, yellow khakis and black loafers, gasping eerily through his decaying-yellow teeth.  His blonde shaggy hair blew eerily in the breeze.  As the trio of thugs screamed in horror, the zombies backed them up to a wall, biting into the sides of their heads in the shadoows.  Their screams fell quiet, and they all fell to the ground dead.

Now that's what I call having THE MUNCHIES eh, kiddies?  Jack, Don, Wayne and Ryan were all in THE ROT PLACE AT THE ROT TIME to have BREAKFAST WITH THOSE THUGS hee-hee!  Luckily those zombies didn't have to wander around for a DECAYED searching for them heh-heh-heh-heh.