Electra's Diary

## 1248:

So…what the actual.

I’ve been sent off into the bloody wilderness with Rum Tum Tugger, Bomba, Teazer and Gus.

Summoned by his high and mightyness old Deut, and told to pack up and head out. Some diplomatic something on the other side of the World. Apparently I’m supposed to be “proud to represent the Ethereal Basin” and “it’s time to take your place in the court”.

Deitrich and Mornon from the Court of Fire are coming too.

Apparently I’m the “diplomatic liaison” to some weirdos called the Morozova’s who live in some tinpot place in the Shadowfen.

So I packed the bag, grabbed Colossus and got in the carriage.

It took over 100 days. Seriously, I can’t believe no-one thought to mention that. I’d have packed some entertainment. Instead RTT gave me some book for dummies. That old bookworm. If he makes me look stupid in company I’ll knock him senseless with it.

I got bored enough by day 63 to open it. It wasn’t even in Feline. I didn't even recognise the letters.

Gus entertained himself with Dietrick. Watching that fluffy ball trying to prove himself a “master of the arcane” was in equal parts hilarious and total cringe.

### 26th Duoary:

Well if the carriage was bad it has nothing on the actual destination. OMG there was an actual scarecrow killing flowers as a welcome.

Turns out this place is full of total weirdos, as I suspected. There’s a mouse, a frog and a woman made entirely of mushrooms. Seriously not exactly sure what we could possibly learn from this lot.

### 33rd Duoary:

A banquet….honoured guests….at least they recognise importance when it comes to stay.

The food was meh at best.

This total weirdo mouse appeared - late (and not fashionably so) and bounced around like some common table magician. Gus was taken of course - which is why he has some lower tier mission to some Karrow sisters.

So I ended up sat next to the weird mushroom lady, Amanita. She did some strange ritual with the table. RTT has always said that “respecting local customs is the key to diplomacy” so I did the same. F\*\*k all happened.

After this, whatever it was, was done we went to engage in polite small talk with some of the other guests.

We met a Dwarven professor who had lost a brass ring in the Labyrinth of death. I took some detailed notes and said if we were visiting (which we absolutely won’t be) I shall endeavour to retrieve it. He looked suitably grateful. He was hanging with a white raven woman who was the only other snatched person here.

The mayor turned up in a tizz, going on about a dragon and she had also lost a ring. I looked down and some of my bangles were missing. This place is clearly a den of thieves and nere do wells and I can see no reason to engage these people.

TBH Deuteronomy is a strange cat, keeps all his cards close to his chest. But even for him this makes no sense at all.

Deitrick vanished off with the old Morozova bag lady.

So we went to converse with a cat called Vanz Can Dance. Apparently he is banned from the Arid Frontier as he played a trick on Duteronomy! Anyone who can pull the wool over his eyes is good with me.

I went for a look around. This place appears to be all tree. It’s terrible. I found a door that was, if it is even a thing, to be more tree than everything else. I asked Amanita to have a look as she seemed to really like trees and that would be polite (and useful).

Well what a clusterf\*\*k. She spoke to the door and it was the door to a vault. The door told all the Morozova’s and now she thinks I’m a common thief - would you believe it? How could she think that I’m the sus one around here?

I went to bed.

I had some weird AF dreams. I blame her shroom spores.

Wandering in a desert. A shadowed figure held up two feline dolls and then squeezed them till they vanished. I revealed how much I hate being thought a fool - I mean just because I’m on fleek and don’t do books doesn’t mean I’m stupid, whatever Deut says.

Then we were all in a cave that stank of damp, my staff was there. Everyone knew everything. FFS Balthazar is scared of the dark, Amanita doesn’t know something, Dietrick is a murderer and I’m not stupid.

### 34th Duoary

I sent a message to RTT:

“Weird ass dreams. What is the Bellton Sanctum? I might need a book. I suppose these people are very strange. Don’t die, please”.

RTT always replies: “Bellton is Celium Sanctum in Ironclad Union. Look to Bellton City. Got taken by constructs. Bad work there. Love you too”.

At least that means I won’t look stupid in front of Mushroom lady.

Well she doesn’t even want to go to Belton!

I gave some rocks as is the local custom and we headed off to the nearby town of Pinewatch where something is making people sick. Great.

Deitrick lied, I’m sure of it, saying he murdered his master when they tried to sacrifice a child. It’s almost true but I’m sure the rumours had Dietrick doing the sacrificing and murdered the dude when he tried to stop them. Looks like he’s trying to be all dank in front of these people.

Pinewatch is a total dive and loads of the people there are blighted. Despite this Deitrick made himself into a total thirst trap and managed to score a date with the mayor.

Turns out this is all due to some rogue shrooms coming from some mine to the north. So it turns out on this trip we are all adulting.

FFS. Headed right to the source of the killer shrooms to save the village. Why? Not a clue!

Amanita was way salty about it being a shroom issue. TBH it doesn’t look good when your dress matches the murder weapon. She tried chatting to them but apparently only heard a thousand screams.

We headed down the mine and Dietrick fell in a pit. I was so dead! I walked around him up the wall - turns out these claws are good for climbing!

There was all sorts of stuff down there. Shambling things, fungus, killer plants. These shrooms seemed to absorb magic. Dietrick went down. Amanita rushed to help him. I went North and found a corpse and some crocodile thing.

Headed back fast AF and found Dietrick out cold - healed him and he jumped up and summoned a bloody devil. Amanita blasted the crocodile I’d charmed away from and duh he came after us too.

Bloody hell I used my staff to make us all look like shambling fungus creatures. I was like slay girl. Amanita didn’t change that much but was more shambly. Deitrick then did one. Like totally bolted out the mine and left us there. Obvs more interested in his date than us.

We shambled our way through the mine and got to the very centre of the thing. There were bodies in the walls - knights, toads, raven. They bore the fish mark of the Order of Shiny people.

When we got to the very source, Balthazar and Amanita got a conscience and started to try and help free a toad priest who might possibly have shown signs of life. Well I can’t even. A thing made of fungus and skeleton came out of a like pod thing and then everything went black.

### 49th Duoary

Woke up in an effing tree. Deut shouting “Get your shit together, you’re an embarrassment to your family. Return to your station”

I was more than a little salty, ‘There’s killer fucking mushrooms here and nobody bothered to tell me about them’

I was shook, so glammed up a bit and headed back to the only place there are people around here.

Mornon was there when I got back. Good job that turncoat Deitrick didn’t show his face. More interested in quenching his thirst than seeing if we were alive.

The next weird ass thing was that I understand Okran. RTT will be super impressed as languages aren’t really my thing. Poor Balthazar was super traumatised by the whole deal as it had been way dark. I let him hang with Colossus for company. Amanita gave him a glowing shroom, which I think might just cause flashbacks.

Can Fan Dance did his low key basic magic show. Balthazar screamed and grew a mushroom out of his chest. Bag lady sent Amanita into the vault to get a book (always a book) called Root and Stem. I guess it’s because he seems to have grown a root.

While bag lady made potions and Amanita went to find a book Balthazar started erupting mushrooms. I told them to stop it in no uncertain terms so they at least stayed still for a bit.

Fan Dance stole the book and legged it. Seriously we had to go get it. People get so OTT about books. There was alot of chasing and fire being thrown about. Balthazar trapped the thief in a watery bubble and I bound him using a macrame skill forged from years of friendship bracelets.

We took the book back and got some truth serum to interrogate the cat. Deut would have been proud (although we didn’t remove any claws).

Apparently some dude at Greensgood called Alistair Blackthorn wanted the book and paid Can He Dance to get it. Turns out Vandor Dance had a whole load of bling - some of it mine! Found the Mayors diamond ring and the ruby serpent bracelet of Genevieve Abernathy the white raven chick. More books, more jewellery, some scrolls. Why people keep all this paper is beyond me. I took the bling as clearly the most appropriate to hold it.

I updated Deut - he is such a tool sometimes. “Speak clearer. Circus cat a fraud. Alistair Blackthorn up to no good; why? Big trouble brewing. Lots of love, E.”

To which he replied “Listen better. Do not force me to start a coup. We need the Court of Fire so speak nicely. I will speak with you about Blackthorn in some days’ time.”

He doesn’t seem bothered that Deitrick left us to die or anything.

So it transpires that the Morozova lot are even more sketchy than I thought. They have some dude called Nekrosis the Devourer trapped in the cellar. Apparently the book (always a book) was supposed to keep him in prison.

Apparently after Kid could Dance stole it the magic left the treehouse and now an all powerful death wizard might escape. You’d think they’d have come up with a better protection than a book. So now we have to take the book and the Horn of Castigation to Greensgood to see Amanita’s mushroom magic people.

### 50th Duoary

I was writing missives of state to the mayor and the raven lady informing them of my success in locating their precious items when there was crashing and screaming and a dark skeleton gatecrashed the buffet.

He was totally rank and killed Balthazar by just pointing at him.

Amanita was like properly mad and tied him up in mushrooms. Mornon wore him down with some fire laden blade work. Eventually I was just totally done with the whole thing and blasted him. He turned to dust and I got this totally ratchet crown - I think I could totally work it though with the right outfit. It’s a bit trippy as when I touched it I saw home with some floaty figures above but this whole place is tripped out so same old really.

There was a hold load of stuff then about primordial elements and magic relics. I recall the arid frontier being full of Earth which is like totally stupid as it’s sand everywhere with no soil really in the whole place, other than a few pot plants.

So we headed off to Greensgood, where I’m assured there are shops. All was as OK as a walking trip can be until we came across some cray ogres. They like totally stank. So feeling blessed I finessed the situation but then Mordon and Amanita got sucked in and they all teamed up against Balthazar. What a carcrash.

I offered one some perfume to help his BO. He’ll find more friends if he doesn’t stink so much but apparently it isn’t good for Ogres or Mushrooms. Eventually I just made them greedy and sent them after Colossus with a strip of bacon.

Deut decided it was time for a chat and as usual sucked me off into the waiting room for a serious convo.

I brought him up to speed about Deitrick the douche and the book and the dusty lich. He was particularly interested in the books. I mean FFS what is it about books. He was totally interested in the lich but didn’t attach any importance to the rusted iron crown - he doesn’t know anything! Deut said that Nekrosis was an “old weapon on the Swarm”. He wants me to bring Nekrosis to the Ethereal Basin to negotiate a deal. Like seriously, just pop home with a lich. It’s over 100 bloody days!!

He bounced out when he was bored, as usual. The thing is he knows FA about the lich. I have something he wants. He hates that. If only I could make that work…

Anyhow we headed on and came across a screaming tree. I mean nothing shocks me anymore. Inside the tree was a toad. Apparently robbed and stuck in a tree. I gave him a gold piece to shut him up a bit.

Then there was a snake that wasn’t a snake. Not really sure.

We decided to go to this bar called the Frosted Apple. Good plan. Need a good bath and facepack before we hit the city.

The inn was full of low key weirdos. However the dwarf professor and the raven lady were hanging too. I gave her back her bracelet and asked the prof about liches. He was a bit dull but way better than a book. He gave me like a rock that reads out loud. I figure I can use it at night and I might learn stuff while I sleep.

Then WTF out my bag that dust dude lich appeared. Like totally in the middle of the bar. How rude.

It was like a total buzz kill and people were ditching the place as fast as. Balthazar pointed his bloody stick at it and effing fire erupted everywhere….in a wooden building. I mean seriously. Amanita like cooked her shrooms and passed out. I think someone fed her something but it was hard to see with all the fire and dust.

Eventually the mouse summoned some water (more sensible) and then Mornon like battered him. Back to dust. Mornon took the crown. I mean, fine, whatever. It has like totally trashed the inside of my bag anyway.

We got kicked out and slept in a bloody barn. So much for a relaxing hot soak.

### 56th Duoary

Sent a quick, “When you get a min” placeholder to Deut and headed into the City.

OMG it’s a bloody swamp. Like actually a swamp. Green rivers with boats.

This old decrepit looking thing called Xanos the Lyre appeared to like totally have our bio - which was a bit odd but nice to be heralded.

We went shopping. Thank you. RTT did say there was shopping. It was OKish but certainly better than nothing. We ended up at some totally decked out odd shop Nargois NikNacks. I traded the jewellery I got from Zander Dans for this ball that totally blings out when you say the word. I got a couple of healing potions too, which seemed at least sensible given the dying thing that keeps occuring.

I also found a clothes shop. I was dead. Found this green suit that I had embroidered with tiny gold shrooms, totally bougie fen.

Mornon decided to do some deals and got a fight at this joint run by some butchers. Apparently not actual butchers, it’s just like their squad name.

Balthazar did one as not a fan of blood sports. There is no better kind of sport IMHO.

I got all the merch - flags, scarf, shirt for Colossus. Blend, blend and blend. Headed for the box where the important people seemed to be hanging. Found the Mayor and the Chamberlain the Lyre and some enormous toad.

I put 10 gold on Mornon but the dude he was up against looked totally swol. Like this could get real ugly.

For some reason Amanita wanted a distraction so Colossus obliged by licking the Lyre’s face. Some weird spore thing I guess. Sucking out his memories.

I went to chat to the enormous toad, Briar Brigand. He had lit canapes. First time since leaving home that the food didn’t need thaumaturgy to be edible.

Anyhow the battle was pretty close, until Mornon got cancelled. I can’t even. Lost money. Deitrick the Douche might come back. The toad bounced with the canapes. Turns out Mornon wagered the book. What is it about books FFS. Where is Balthazar?

So I'm eating canapes and was like "That was totally savage" and the toad was like "totally". So I'm like, "Mornon wasn't really a friend, more like an acquaintance but like totes better than Deitrick the Douche that left us to die in a mine infested with killer mushrooms so I'm like a bit shook he's dead." I said, "If you find his crown I'd like it back as I just like leant it to him and it's not a book". I got a total dead eye from Amanita. Well maybe I oop but it's the truth. It is my crown.

Anyhow I headed backstage with Amanita to try and find my crown and Amanita wants to take his memories and turn them into mushrooms or something. So there are like 2 guards and they're v annoying. I start to get like super hangry and borrow a few of Amanita's shrooms as a snackette.

She asks me to distract the guard so I sashay over and ask them to come with me for some canape action. The one is like a total weirdo. Kept saying "There is no need for canapes, but you should leave". Like OK Boomer, whatever. Even his mate thought he was losing the plot.

Anyhow all of a sudden Amanita's like, "I think you should check on your Archdruid" and they opened the door. There was the archdruid on the floor totally KOed. There was a weird ass lizard in a hospital gown with his ass hanging out. Like I'm dead and then when it talks it thinks its Mornon. What the actual?

Anyhow everyone wanted to go to some vote thing. I saw Rex, got his autograph - sweet. The weird lizard dude says good fight you nearly had me. Rex was totally thinking this dude's some kind of stan.

We headed over to the Obsidian Spire where all the rich and important folks were gathering. The toad was there with wine and snacks so that was tbh the only reason i stayed.

I saw Makra Karrow, one of the sisters that Gus was sent to. She's not actually met him, which is good for her.

I spotted this totally ratchet dude called Baskar wearing a skin cloak. He like totally told me to go away. I called him out as rude AF.

I headed over to the most powerful looking man in the place. Turns out its Alistair Blackthorn. I think he was up to something with Kit Kat Dance. Sure it was in a book.

This total bougie woman in like her own white light rocks up. Bruh she slayed. I tried to make myself a bit glowy but I just filled my suit with sand. I can't even...

She was apparently the high priestess Klaxi. She certainly looks like she rules the place.

We headed into the next room and everyone sat in their places. I sat with Blackthorn, who was charming company. We had a small wager on the outcome of the vote. I wagered Collosus against his steel lapel pin and left thumb. He might be a bit cray but the pin is cute. we had some wine and snacks - it was pretty chill, no cap.

There were some speeches. Amanita was great. Mornon said something. The big tree said something no-one understood. Then there was some voting. Not sure exactly what happened but safe to say I lost the bet but kept Colossus and got the pin so pretty perf.

Blackthorn headed down to the voting floor as it looks like he's up for a promo to the council - understandable.

Anyhow, after the voting Mornon said a few words to the rude dude and then booked it. I followed him out and he was doing one. I shouted after him in Eldrassi. Mornon said he was FOH. So i offered him an ID makeover. He opted for Blackthorn - reasonable choice as he is gucci. So I switched his look and then headed back to see what else is happening.

Well, wtf. Mushroom lady was KO and the bitch light queen was calling her hysterical. Shroom lady may be odd but she carries snacks and is like the most totally chill savage lady I've met. Hundo P not hysterical.

I clapped back at the Klaxi bitch for throwing shade at the fam. She is one sus bitch. She's totally savage. Like Deut but more glowy.

That archdruid that turned Mordon into a naked lizard took her out so I like totally tailed her. She did some staff waving and amanita woke up. I don't know what cray shit she did to mushroom lady but when she woke up she showed druid weirdo the root book. Weird druid like took it and then checked out...bounced.

She totally did some cray shit. Amanita would never give away a book. I'm shook. Checked the road, Mornon is gone. Hope the douche isn't coming back. OMG what am I going to tell Deut. Where is the crown and the dead dust devil. Oh man, shit is like getting real.