recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
Makoto Shido

**Makoto Shido** (志藤 真, *Shidō Makoto*) is the team leader of the Nozama Peston Service.

## Character History

He is a former Special Forces member of the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department, joining the group to pay for his son's treatment.

## Behind the Scenes

### Portrayal

Makoto Shido is portrayed by Mitsutoshi Shundo (俊藤 光利, *Shundō Mitsutoshi*).

## Appearances

* File:Icon-amazons.png *Kamen Rider Amazons*
	+ *Kamen Rider Amazons Season 1 the Movie: Awakening*
		- Episode 1: *AMAZONZ*
		- Episode 2: *BEAST INSIDE*
		- Episode 3: *COLONY OF ANTS*
		- Episode 4: *DIE OR KILL*
		- Episode 5: *EYES IN THE DARK*
		- Episode 6: *FOR WHAT I FIGHT*
		- Episode 7: *GAME OF THE BUTCHERS*
		- Episode 8: *HERO OR NOT*
		- Episode 9: *INTO THE CANNIBAL'S POT*
		- Episode 10: *JUNGLE LAW*
		- Episode 11: *KILLING DAY*
		- Episode 12: *LOST IN THE FOG*
		- Episode 13: *M*
	+ *Kamen Rider Amazons Season 2 the Movie: Reincarnation*
		- Episode 1: *NEO*
		- Episode 2: *ORPHANS*
		- Episode 3: *PERSONA NON GRATA*
		- Episode 4: *QUO VADIS?*
		- Episode 5: *RAMBLING ROSES*
		- Episode 6: *SCHOOLDAYS*
		- Episode 7: *THE THIRD DEGREE*
		- Episode 9: *VANISHING WINGS*
		- Episode 10: *WAY TO NOWHERE*
		- Episode 11: *XING THE RUBICON*
		- Episode 12: *YELLOW BRICK ROAD*
		- Episode 13: *AMAZONZ*

}
Fujio

**Fujio** (藤尾, ***Fujio***) is the leader of 4C's Fujio Squad.

## Personality

He identifies, tracks and raids the targets with a military dog named Baron trained specially to detect Amazons.

## Behind the Scenes

### Portrayal

Fujio was portrayed by Shinji Kasahara (笠原 紳司, *Kasahara Shinji*), who previously portrayed Naoto TakizawaFile:Icon-crosswiki.png/TimeFireFile:Icon-crosswiki.png in *Mirai Sentai TimerangerFile:Icon-crosswiki.png*.

## Appearances

* File:Icon-amazons.png *Kamen Rider Amazons*
	+ *Kamen Rider Amazons Season 2 the Movie: Reincarnation*
		- Episode 5: *RAMBLING ROSES*
		- Episode 6: *SCHOOLDAYS*

## References

1. ↑ http://www.superhero-year.com/amazons/index.html?language=e&tab=cast
Gorilla Amazon

?

The **Gorilla Amazon** (ゴリラアマゾン, *Gorira Amazon*) is an Amazon in *Kamen Rider Amazons* season 2.

## Profile

* Identification code: TBA
* Rank: TBA
* Destroyed by:

## Appearances

* File:Icon-amazons.png *Kamen Rider Amazons*
	+ *Kamen Rider Amazons Season 2 the Movie: Reincarnation*

## Sources

* http://www.superhero-year.com/amazons/?language=e
Kamen Rider Amazons Gaiden: Light of Fireflies

A manga for Kamen Rider Amazons

## Episode Guide

***Kamen Rider Amazons Gaiden: Light of Fireflies*** (仮面ライダーアマゾンズ外伝　蛍火, *Kamen Raidā Amazonzu Gaiden Hotarubi*) is a manga adaptation and a midquel of *Kamen Rider Amazons*.

## Chapters

*Main article: List of Kamen Rider Amazons Gaiden: Light of Fireflies Chapters*
## Characters

### Allies

* Nozama Peston Service
	+ Makoto Shido
	+ Nozomi Takai
	+ Kazuya Misaki
Kota Fukuda's mother

?

**Kota Fukuda's mother** was a widow who suffered from dementia. Five years following Operation Tlaloc, she was transformed into an Amazon as a result of drinking water from Aroma Ozone. As a result, her son was forced to kill her.

## Profile

* Identification code: TBA
* Rank: TBA
* Destroyed by:

## Behind the Scenes

### Portrayal

Kota Fukuda's mother was portrayed by Akiko Izumi (泉 晶子, *Izumi Akiko*).

## Appearances

* File:Icon-amazons.png *Kamen Rider Amazons*
	+ *Kamen Rider Amazons Season 2 the Movie: Reincarnation*
		- Episode 10: *WAY TO NOWHERE*
Ichiro Fudamori

**Ichiro Fudamori** (札森 一郎, *Fudamori Ichirō*) is a member of 4C Extermination team and served as team analyser.

## Behind the Scenes

### Portrayal

Ichiro Fudamori is portrayed by Yoshito Momiki (籾木 芳仁, *Momiki Yoshito*).

## Appearances

* File:Icon-amazons.png *Kamen Rider Amazons*
	+ *Kamen Rider Amazons Season 2 the Movie: Reincarnation*
		- Episode 1: *NEO*
		- Episode 2: *ORPHANS*
		- Episode 3: *PERSONA NON GRATA*
		- Episode 4: *QUO VADIS?*
		- Episode 5: *RAMBLING ROSES*
		- Episode 6: *SCHOOLDAYS*
		- Episode 7: *THE THIRD DEGREE*
		- Episode 8: *UNDER WRAPS*
		- Episode 9: *VANISHING WINGS*
		- Episode 10: *WAY TO NOWHERE*
		- Episode 11: *XING THE RUBICON*
		- Episode 12: *YELLOW BRICK ROAD*
		- Episode 13: *AMAZONZ*
Mantis Amazon 1

## Unnamed Wedding Guest

The **Mantis Amazon** (カマキリアマゾン, *Kamakiri Amazon*) is an Amazon who was originally a guest at a wedding. It tears the enemy with sharp sickles of both hands.

## Profile

* Identification code: TBA
* Rank: TBA
* Destroyed by:

## Appearances

* File:Icon-amazons.png *Kamen Rider Amazons*
	+ *Kamen Rider Amazons Season 2 the Movie: Reincarnation*

## Sources

* http://www.superhero-year.com/amazons/?language=e
Shuuya

## Rose Amazon

**Shuuya** was a young man who was infected by the Lysogenic Cells, turning him into the **Rose Amazon** (バラアマゾン, *Bara Amazon*).

## Character History

He lives with his girlfriend Emiri who feeds him with people's heads. When she was injured by the soldiers of 4C, he became furious and brutally killed everybody in his way by cutting off their head. In the last moment of his girlfriend, Shuuya claimed that she was the one who he wanted to eat most. His girlfriend willingly let him kill and eat her. After killng and eating his girlfriend's head, Shuuya battled Chihiro and Haruka and latter was killed by them.

## Notes

* Similar to Chihiro, Shuuya also claimed that he wants to eat the one he loves most.
* The deaths of Shuuya and his girlfriend are quite ironic: They both kill people by cutting off the heads of the victims. However, they both died by having their heads cut off.
* So far, Shuuya is the only Amazon with plant motif.

## Appearances

* File:Icon-amazons.png *Kamen Rider Amazons*
	+ *Kamen Rider Amazons Season 2 the Movie: Reincarnation*
Realms

There are 7 realms in world of ourania

## Empyrean

Land of pure energy inhabited by spirits which are made of it.

## Heaven

Land of holiness and other light creatures, inhabited by gods, angels, holy beasts, champions and god warriors.

## Arcadia

Fantasy land of wonder occupied by elves, fairies, sprites, giants, elemental and djinni.

## Underworld

Subterranean world inhabited by ghouls, gnomes, trolls and dwarves.

## Hell

Land inhabited by demons and other things.

## Chaos

Most dangerous place inhabited by eldritch abominations and void spirits.
Each of them contains special creatures.
Einosuke Mido

## Kamen Rider Amazon Neo Alpha

**Einosuke Mido** (御堂 英之助, *Mido Einosuke*) transforms into **Kamen Rider Amazon Neo Alpha** (仮面ライダーアマゾンネオアルファ, *Kamen Raidā Amazon Neo Arufa*) in *Kamen Rider Amazons: The Last Judgement*.

## History

He serves as a administrator at the orphanage who offers Haruka Mizusawa and Mizuki a home after they were hunted by 4C. It is later revealed that he is actually a biologist and the director of the Kiriko Seien (切子聖園, *Kiriko Seien*), a children's home established by 4C to raise the Domesticated Amazons created from as food for humans.

## Personality

At first, he seemed to be a kind and calm person who is respected by other orphans. However, he is outraged after Haruka and Muku ruining his project and killing his client. Mido reveals his true color as a mad man and begins killing Amazon children.

## Powers and Abilities

He uses the Militant Amazons Register (ミリタントアマゾンズレジスター Miritanto Amazonzu Rejisutā) armlet to transform into **Kamen Rider Amazon Neo Alpha** (仮面ライダーアマゾンネオアルファ Kamen Raidā Amazon Neo Arufa), and the Neo Amazons Driver belt is used to produce weapons and perform finishing moves.

## Forms

**Amazon Neo Alpha**
 File:NEOALPHA.png

> "*(Electrical crackling) Neo!*"
> ― Transformation announcement[source]
>
>

* Height: 192.5 cm
* Weight: 104.2 kg

**Ability Perimeters:**

* **Punching power:** 26.2t
* **Kicking power:** 30.6t
* **Maximum jumping height:** 54.9m
* **Maximum running speed:** 100m per 3.6 sec

Using the Militant Amazons Register and Neo Amazons Driver allows Einosuke Mido to transform into Amazon Neo Alpha. This form is similar to Amazon Alpha's default form and allows Einosuke to be fully in control of himself.

Neo Alpha's finisher is an unnamed attack where he unleashes a barrage of shots from the chain gun part of the Neo Alpha Sweeper before slashing the opponent with the chainsaw part.

**Appearances:** Kamen Rider Amazons: The Last Judgement

## Equipment

### Devices

* Neo Amazons Driver
* Militant Amazonz Register

## Behind the scenes

### Portrayal

Einosuke Mido was portrayed by Nobuo Kyō (姜 暢雄, *Kyō Nobuo*), whom previously portrayed the Horse Fangire in *Kamen Rider Kiva* and Isshuu KasumiFile:Icon-crosswiki.png/KuwagaRaiger in *Ninpuu Sentai HurricanegerFile:Icon-crosswiki.png*. As Kamen Rider Amazon Neo Alpha, he was portrayed by suit actor Yuya Nawata (縄田 雄哉, *Nawata Yūya*).

## Appearances

* File:Icon-amazons.png *Kamen Rider Amazons: The Last Judgement*

## See Also

* Jin Takayama - original Kamen Rider Amazon Alpha.

## References

1. ↑ https://twitter.com/rider\_amazons
2. ↑ Hyper Hobby #8, April 2018 issue
Gachapin & Mukku

File:Gachapin & Mukku & Alpha & Omega.jpg
**Gachapin** (ガチャピン, ***Gachapin***) & **Mukku** (ムック, ***Mukku***) are two characters from a children's program titled *Hirake! Ponkikki* on Fuji TV during Apirl 1973 to September 1993. Gachapin is a green, bucktoothed dinosaur and Mukku is a red Yeti. They appeared on the roadshow event of *Kamen Rider Amazons: The Last Judgement* wearing the Amazons Driver to promote the upcoming film.
INTO THE CANNIBAL'S POT

Kamen Rider Amazons, Episode 9

## Episode Guide

***INTO THE CANNIBAL'S POT*** is the ninth episode of *Kamen Rider Amazons*. It features the debut of Kamen Rider Amazon Sigma.

## Synopsis

A cannibalistic serial killer chef Amazon turns his victims bodies into food for fellow patrons of his restaurant and tries to surpess other Amazons by feeding them. Meanwhile, Nozama Pharmacy deploys a new type of Amazon and is developing weapons to hunt down the remaining Amazons.

## Plot

The episode opens on a civilian who is walking by and then sees a sign that a restaurant that was closed down is strangely open for business again. The owner invites him in and then kills him off-screen for his remains to be prepared for a dinner service for his patrons, who all consume the man's flesh with one of them being an Amazon who dislikes the taste of it and runs off. The Amazon activates and is later killed by the Extermination Team.

## Cast

* Haruka Mizusawa (水澤 悠, *Mizusawa Haruka*): Tom Fujita (藤田 富, *Fujita Tomu*)
* Jin Takayama (鷹山 仁, *Takayama Jin*): Masashi Taniguchi (谷口 賢志, *Taniguchi Masashi*)
* Mizuki Mizusawa (水澤 美月, *Mizusawa Miduki*): Rena Takeda (武田 玲奈, *Takeda Rena*)
* Nanaha Izumi (泉 七羽, *Izumi Nanaha*): Ayu Higashi (東 亜優, *Higashi Ayu*)
* Makoto Shido (志藤 真, *Shidō Makoto*): Mitsutoshi Shundo (俊藤 光利, *Shundō Mitsutoshi*)
* Mamoru (マモル, *Mamoru*): Ryota Kobayashi (小林 亮太, *Kobayashi Ryōta*)
* Nozomi Takai (高井 望, *Takai Nozomi*): Kanon Miyahara (宮原 華音, *Miyahara Kanon*)
* Kazuya Misaki (三崎 一也, *Misaki Kazuya*): Katsuya (勝也, *Katsuya*)
* Kota Fukuda (福田 耕太, *Fukuda Kōta*): Kazuya Tanabe (田邊 和也, *Tanabe Kazuya*)
* Reika Mizusawa (水澤 令華, *Mizusawa Reika*): Takako Kato (加藤 貴子, *Katō Takako*)
* Shogo Kano (加納 省吾, *Kanō Shogō*): Toshimasa Komatsu (小松 利昌, *Komatsu Toshimasa*)
* Yugo Tachibana (橘 雄悟, *Tachibana Yūgo*): Yu Kamio (神尾 佑, *Kamio Yū*)
* Takaaki Tenjo (天条 隆顕, *Tenjō Takaaki*): Takashi Fujiki (藤木 孝, *Fujiki Takashi*)

### Guest cast

* Jun Maehara (前原 淳, *Maehara Jun*): Hiroshi Asahina (朝日奈 寛, *Asahina Hiroshi*)
* Mika (ミカ, *Mika*): Miyuu Sawai (沢井 美優, *Sawai Miyū*)
* Restaurant Owner/Crab Amazon: Kiyohiko Ueki (植木 紀世彦, *Ueki Kiyohiko*)
* Sawaguchi (沢口, *Sawaguchi*): Akiyoshi Shibata (柴田 明良, *Shibata Akiyoshi*)
* Victim: Akira (瑛, *Akira*)
* Customer: Hiroaki Hirakawa (平川 博晶, *Hirakawa Hiroaki*)
* Crab Amazon (Voice): Riki Kagami (各務 立基, *Kagami Riki*)

### Suit actors

* Kamen Rider Amazon Omega: Yugo Fujii (藤井 祐伍, *Fujii Yūgo*)
* Kamen Rider Amazon Alpha: Hirokazu Iwakami (岩上 弘数, *Iwakami Hirokazu*)
* Mole Amazon: Daisuke Satō (佐藤 太輔, *Satō Daisuke*)
* Crab Amazon, Kamen Rider Amazon Sigma: Makoto Arakawa (荒川 真, *Arakawa Makoto*)

## External links

* Toei TV's official episode guide for INTO THE CANNIBAL'S POT
Timeline/Amazons

A **timeline** of events in the World of Amazons.

## Pre-Amazons

#### 2014

* File:Icon-amazons.png  Takaaki Tenjo, the sociopathic chairman of Nozama Pharmacy, releases the 4,000 Experiment Amazonz from containment, including Haruka Mizusawa, who would later be adopted by his creator Reika Mizusawa.

* File:Icon-amazons.png Nozama researcher Jin Takayama, having injected himself with Amazon cells, leaves the company to hunt the Amazonz on his own.

* File:Icon-amazons.png The event is treated as an accident by the majority of Nozama employees, and the Nozama Peston Service is formed to hunt the Amazonz; two members in particular, Mamoru and Ryusuke Otaki, are Amazonz themselves.

#### 2015

* File:Icon-amazons.png Serial killer Soji Shitashimo murders his first known victim.

## Season 1

#### 2016

* The drugs inside the Amazonz Register start expiring, resulting in most Amazonz becoming man-eating monsters.
* AMAZONZ
* BEAST INSIDE
* COLONY OF ANTS
* DIE OR KILL
* EYES IN THE DARK
* FOR WHAT I FIGHT
* GAME OF THE BUTCHERS
* HERO OR NOT
* INTO THE CANNIBAL'S POT
* JUNGLE LAW
* KILLING DAY
* LOST IN THE FOG
* M (episode)

## Season 2

*Season 2 takes place five years after Season 1.*
* NEO
* ORPHANS
* PERSONA NON GRATA
* QUO VADIS?
* RAMBLING ROSES
* SCHOOLDAYS
* THE THIRD DEGREE
* UNDER WRAPS
* VANISHING WINGS
* WAY TO NOWHERE
* XING THE RUBICON
* YELLOW BRICK ROAD
* AMAZONZ

## Final

* Kamen Rider Amazons: The Last Judgement

## Behind the scenes

Taking place in its own distinct world, *Kamen Rider Amazons* is primarily composed of two 13-episode seasons and 1 feature film. As a general rule, the dating of the *Kamen Rider Series* is assumed to correspond at least roughly to its real world broadcast. The placement of *Amazons*, however, is complicated as the events of Season 2 (**2017**) take place five years following Season 1 (**2016**).

* As yet unused Ridewatches date Amazons Alpha and Omega to *2016 AD*, and Amazon Neo to *2017 AD*.
Crab Amazon

## "Owner"

The **Crab Amazon** (カニアマゾン, *Kani Amazon*), known as the **owner** (オーナー, *Ōnā*), is an Amazon in *Kamen Rider Amazons*.

## Profile

* Identification code: Unknown
* Rank: Unknown
* Destroyed by: Kamen Rider Amazon Omega's Violent Break

## History

He was the owner and chef of a restaurant that served murdered humans to Amazons who did not wish to fully awaken, convinced that slow steady consumption of human meat protein would prevent or at least delay their full Amazon forms arising. If any of them do begin to awaken (their Amazonz Register's indicator lights changing from blue to red), they are politely asked to leave before they can be traced back to the restaurant. The restaurant would be labeled as closed indefinitely by a sign on the door, with an extra note saying it was open today to lure in stray passersby to be served to the patrons.

He is initially unawakened and only voluntarily accesses his Amazon form to kill the "catch of the day". When Haruka and Nozomi attempt to infiltrate the restaurant, they are immediately sensed as Amazon and human, and he leads Nozomi into the kitchen, where he transforms and tries to attack her, but she fights back, surprising him. The rest of the Nozama Peston Service Extermination Team moves in and he fights them, breaking down their electric wire barriers to allow his patrons to escape. His fight with Haruka, Mamoru, and Nozomi reaches a warehouse, where stress from the fight makes his Register turn red and he fully awakens, blaming the Extermination Team for ruining the restaurant's goal. He is held in place by Mamoru and defeated by Haruka's Violent Break attack with the Battle Grip in sickle mode.

## Powers & Abilities

 File:12. Crab Amazon.jpg
Its body is protected by a hard shell with sharp thorns and it is armed with a pair of large claws.

## Behind the Scenes

### Portrayal

The owner is portrayed by Kiyohiko Ueki (植木 紀世彦, *Ueki Kiyohiko*). As the Crab Amazon, he is voiced by Riki Kagami (各務 立基, *Kagami Riki*) and portrayed by suit actor Makoto Arakawa (荒川 真, *Arakawa Makoto*).

## Notes

* Its costume is a redesign of a Spider Amazon.

## Appearances

* File:Icon-amazons.png *Kamen Rider Amazons*
	+ *Kamen Rider Amazons Season 1 the Movie: Awakening*
		- Episode 9: *INTO THE CANNIBAL'S POT*

## Sources

* http://www.superhero-year.com/amazons/?language=e
Erin B. McHugh

**Erin B. McHugh** is an actress who appears in numerous Farley/Roxburgh movies.

Her biggest role to date has been playing Tess (lover interest to Dan Port) in *Magic Spot* (2022). Before getting a speaking role in that movie, she normally just nods her head when she appears in the movies.

Erin is married to Jim McHugh.

## Filmography

* *Magic Spot* (2022) as Tess
* *Metal Detector Maniac* (2021) as Neighbor
* *Don’t Let The Riverbeast Get You!* (2012) as The Nod
* *Monsters, Marriage and Murder in Manchvegas* (2009) as Tess Howard
* *Freaky Farley* (2007) as Tess Howard
Takeshi Kurosaki

**Takeshi Kurosaki** (黒崎 武, *Kurosaki Takeshi*) is a 4C Extermination team leader.

## Personality

Kurosaki is best described as cool, sarcastic, and abrasive man with jaded view in life. He held justifable but immense hatred towards Amazons, so much that he occasionally become impatient during Amazon hunts, severely distrusts those who had good history towards them, and believes that sympathy towards Amazons, even in slightest, as weakness that must be removed in Amazon hunts as it will led oneself vulnerable. As result, he openly antagonistic towards Mizuki and Fukoda in several occasions due to their history with Haruka/Amazon Omega, begrudgingly accepting Chihiro in his team, and angrily kicked one of 4C soldiers out for expressing his sympathy towards Iyu.

Kurosaki is not completely bereft of positive and sympathetic qualities: As the matter of fact, his bitter and nihilistic disposition was result of seeing how Iyu's father devouring his own family, and in spite of having no qualm against using Iyu who had been revived as crow-themed Sigma Amazon, he actually cared with her, evident as he visibly appalled by Tachibana's remote program to kill her should she defy her purpose. Even so, the ordeal that turned him into bitter person he is now created a turmoil of rage targeted at all Amazons and unstable at times. Despite this, he able to moderating his bad behavior for the sake of the mission's success and avoids needlessly antagonizing Iyu and Chihiro.

Kurosaki appears to have a sweet tooth, as he was shown buying a lot of cake in a sweet buffet.

## Behind the Scenes

### Portrayal

Takeshi Kurosaki is portrayed by Kota Miura (三浦 孝太, *Miura Kōta*).

## Notes

* His personality throughout the second season is similar to Kaito Kumon of *Kamen Rider Gaim* and Taiga Hanaya of *Kamen Rider Ex-Aid*. He also shares his fondness for sweets with Hiiro Kagami from the latter series.
* The official website spells his name as *Tak**a**shi Kurosaki*.

## Appearances

* File:Icon-amazons.png *Kamen Rider Amazons*
	+ *Kamen Rider Amazons Season 2 the Movie: Reincarnation*
		- Episode 1: *NEO*
		- Episode 2: *ORPHANS*

## References

1. ↑ http://www.superhero-year.com/amazons/index.html?language=e&tab=cast
Stag Beetle Amazon

The **Stag Beetle Amazon** (クワガタアマゾン, *Kuwagata Amazon*) is an Amazon who was originally a bride. It stretches long limbs from its waist and attacks the enemy with the nails at the tips.

## Profile

* Identification code: TBA
* Rank: TBA
* Destroyed by:

## Appearances

* File:Icon-amazons.png *Kamen Rider Amazons*
	+ *Kamen Rider Amazons Season 2 the Movie: Reincarnation*

## Sources

* http://www.superhero-year.com/amazons/?language=e
Emiri (Amazons)

?

### Last Appearance:

RAMBLING ROSES

**Emiri** (エミリ, ***Emiri***) was the girlfriend of Shuuya.

## Profile

* Identification code: TBA
* Rank: TBA
* Destroyed by:

## Behind the Scenes

### Portrayal

Emiri was portrayed by Kyoko Ochiai (落合 恭子, *Ochiai Kyōko*).

## Appearances

* File:Icon-amazons.png *Kamen Rider Amazons*
	+ *Kamen Rider Amazons Season 2 the Movie: Reincarnation*
		- Episode 5: *RAMBLING ROSES*

## Sources

* http://www.superhero-year.com/amazons/?language=e
Brendon Walsh

**Brendon Walsh** is a famous comedian and good friend of Matt Farley.

Walsh was an early promoter of Farley's work, discovering him in November 2012, and then interviewing him on his popular Bone Zone podcast in early 2013. He first called Farley on Episode 55 (January 10, 2013) of the podcast, and did an extended two hour interview on the next episode. This was about a year before Farley was first featured on NPR. At the time he was first interviewed by Walsh, Farley had already written a song about him, which they discovered during the interviews. ("Brendon Walsh is a Stand-Up Comedy Dude" on *More Songs About Funny Comic Comedian People* (July 2012) by Papa Razzi and the Photogs.)

Walsh stars as mayoral candidate Vance in *Slingshot Cops* (2016).

As an artist, Walsh did the cover for "The Alaska Album You've Been Waiting For" (2021) by The Guy Who Sings Songs About Cities and Towns, and raps on the song "Toksook Bay". He also appears on the covers of "Good Nice Name Poop Songs" (2021) and "Important Important Name Name Poop Songs" (2021) by The Odd Man Who Sings About Poop, Puke and Pee, and helped design some other album covers by that artist during that same period.

The Papa Razzi and the Photogs's album *I Like Famous People and Podcasts and so On* (February 2013) has nine songs about the Bone Zone and its hosts. Papa's album *Celebrity People Are the Better People Yes True* (May 2013) includes the songs "The Late Night Saga of Poor Brendon Walsh" and "Tom Segura, Please Apologize to Brendon Walsh, OK?"

## Links

* Brendon Walsh on Wikipedia
* Bone Zone Episode #55 (January 10, 2013) (they call Farley at 43:00, who talks quietly because he is at work)
* Bone Zone Episode #56 (January 14, 2013) (two hour interview of Farley)
I'll Decide My Fate

**"I'll Decide My Fate"** is the thirteenth track on the Matt Motern Manly Man album *Delicate Genius / Thirsty Killer*, released in 2017.

## Lyrics

There's a mermaid lady on the sidewalk

No commentary is necessary

Selfish druggies got their agendas

Melvin in belgium will always defend us

Through lips like life

Though i can't say how

Honesty is worse than decorum now

But that's just fashion, which is the opposite of action

Let's take a hero walk

Let's go outside and talk

Conspicuously taking notes

On how we acted with names redacted

And misleading quotes

Keep an open for me interlopin'

Cause I keep my own gates

Being polite never made things right

I'll decide my fate

Bird on a wire, playing with fire

What's the point of anything

I'm a failed entertainer and a person trainer

With suburban longing

I'll beat you on my slam dunk hoop

I don't want to do the dishes

Basketball in the driveway

Fulfillmeet of my wishes

Let's take a hero walk

Let's go outside and talk

Conspicuously taking notes

On how we acted with names redacted

And misleading quotes

Keep an open for me interlopin'

Cause I keep my own gates

Being polite never made things right

I'll decide my fate

I used to be lazy comparatively

But everthing's relative

There's a love you receive I guess

And then there's the love you give

Mountains mountains who made the mountains

Old people got bad taste

They speak to me quite boringly

And I try to keep a straight face

Let's take a hero walk

Let's go outside and talk

Conspicuously taking notes

On how we acted with names redacted

And VERBATIM quotes

Keep an open for me interlopin'

Cause I keep my own gates

Being polite never made things right

I'll decide my fate

Maybe they know

Something I won't

Until several decades on

All is now and now is all

And who's to say that's wrong

I've got a girl to go home to

After my shift and no complaints

If that's all there is

Corny jokes, nights with the folks

Unnecessarily wrapped gifts

Let's take a hero walk

Let's step outside and talk

Conspicuously taking notes

On how we acted with names redacted

And VERBATIM quotes

Keep an open for me interlopin'

Cause I keep my own gates

Being polite never made things right

I'll decide my fate
Filmography

Matt Farley and Charles Roxburgh have been making films for over 20 years. This started from shorts they made in college, and graduated to making full length films in the early 2000s, slowing improving over time.

*Freaky Farley* (2007) is often referred to as Farley and Roxburgh's first "real" movie (and which was shot on actual film). Generally, the filmography shows increasing care and production values leading up to *Freaky Farley*, which sort of makes that movie a dividing line, but the earlier movies also contain a great deal of entertaining content.

The 2020 scholarly work *Motern on Motern* by film critics Will Sloan and Justin Decloux provides an in-depth analysis, through interviews with Farley and Roxburgh, into their cinematic work.

Farley and Charlie stated that beginning in 2021, they will aim to release two movies a year for the next five years.

## Modern era

* *Boston Johnny* (2023)
* *Heard She Got Murdered* (2023)
* *Magic Spot* (2022)
* *Metal Detector Maniac* (2021)
* *Heard She Got Married* (2021)
* *Christmas Special* (2017)
* *Slingshot Cops* (2016)
* *Local Legends* (2013)
* *Don’t Let The Riverbeast Get You!* (2012)
* *Monsters, Marriage and Murder in Manchvegas* (2009)
* *Freaky Farley* (2007)

## Early movies

* *Obtuse Todd* (2004/2020)
* *Druids Druids Everywhere* (2003/2020)
* *Druid Gladiator Clone* (2003)
* *Sammy: The Tale of a Teddy and a Terrible Tunnel* (2002)
* *Adventures in Cruben Country* (2002)
* *The Paperboy* (1999) (college movie)

## Early shorts

* *Lassie Came Home Alone* (2000) (short)[1]
* *Life of An Artiste* (1998) (short)
* *Couch of Culpability* (1998) (short)
* *Nostradamus II* (199?) (short)[2]
* *Messengers* (unknown, unreleased)[3]
* *Stabbed* (unknown unreleased)[4]
* *Seeking Freedom* (1997, unreleased)

## Future films (all estimates)

* *Boston Johnny* (late 22/early 23)
* Untitled Sequel Project (projected May 2023) [5]
* Evil Spot (projected late 2023)
* Evil Puddle (projected 2024)[6]
* Losers Out (projected before 2026)[7]
* Riverbeast 2 (possibly "Melancholy of a Merman") (projected 2025)
* Untitled Sequel Project (projected 2025)[8]

## The Motern Players

Farley/Roxburgh movies frequently feature many of the same stable of actors, even ones who only appear in small parts. Many of the actors are related to Farley and have no known professional training.

* Kevin McGee
* Sharon Scalzo
* Chris Peterson
* Tom Scalzo
* Jim McHugh
* Bryan Fortin
* Kyle Kochan
* Tiffany L'Heureux
* Jim Farley
* Millhouse G.
* Elizabeth Peterson
* Jon Cross

## See also

* Important Cinema Club Podcast #110 - Matt Farley Has Won At Life (March 20, 2018)
The Diarrhea Bounce Back

**The Diarrhea Bounce Back** is the third track on *Still Farting, Pooping, Puking and Peeing* (2011) by The Toilet Bowl Cleaners.

This song is among the more streamed of the band's many hits, and a favorite of music critics as well. It features a laid back groove, with a jazzy bass line, drums, and vocals.

Music critic Mark McGettrick once wrote that this song "is a work of art as far as I’m concerned, (but) it would just be nice to prevent Siri from playing our kids' request for it when we have guests over."[1]

One Matt Farley fan once had this song blasted over the public address system at a high school basketball game.[2]

Fun instagram video:[3]

There are at least six other Toilet Bowl Cleaners' songs with the word "Diarrhea" in the title.

## Lyrics

When the diarrhea shoots fast from your butt

Once it hits the toilet, it bounces back up

And it stains the bottom of your toilet seat

And it also stains your buttcheek

It's called the diarrhea bounce back, bounce back

It's called the diarrhea bounce back, baby

It's called the diarrhea bounce back, bounce back

When the poop comes out with so much force

It won't just sit nice in the toilet, of course

No matter how well you try to aim

A mess is made and you're to blame

It's called the diarrhea bounce back, baby

It's called the diarrhea bounce back, bounce back

It's called the diarrhea bounce back, baby

Diarrhea bounces back every time

Diarrhea is quite unique

'Cause when you're done, you don't just wipe between your buttcheeks

You've got to wipe them on the outside too

Because they're splattered with toilet water mixed with poo

It's called the diarrhea bounce back, bounce back

It's called the diarrhea bounce back, baby

It's called the diarrhea bounce back, bounce back

Once you have flushed, you must

Clean underneath the seat before it turns to crust

Unless the toilet is not your own

In which case, don't bother, just go home
Go Green!

***Go Green!*** is the debut album by sports band The Boston Basketball Band. Its title and contents reference The Boston Celtics. There's not much to this album. The album cover was presumably made in MS Paint, and it's not musically remarkable. However, there are two different songs that mention Danny Ainge.
Dan Speake

**Dan Speake** is a musician and actor. He has appeared on Moes Haven albums, and has appeared in a number of Motern Media/Shockmarathons movies. His deep speaking voice is well-suited for narration and serious acting roles.

## Filmography

* Either Boston Johnny or The Secret Sequel (2023)[1]
* *Don’t Let The Riverbeast Get You!* (2012) as Wolfman Speake
* *Monsters, Marriage and Murder in Manchvegas* (2009) as Artiste
* *Freaky Farley* (2007) as Street Vendor
* *Obtuse Todd* (2005) as Undercover Office Morton
* *Druids Druids Everywhere* (2003/2020) as Dr. Daniel Speake
* *Druid Gladiator Clone* (2003), narration
* *Sammy: The Tale of a Teddy and a Terrible Tunnel* (2002) as Dr. Daniel Speake

## Songs (incomplete)

* "Dan Speake's Bitter Rant" by Moes Haven on *June* (2006)
* "Lopin' Through the Cosmos" by Moes Haven on If Not Us, Who? (2007)
* "Domestic Bliss Can't Beat a Night in the Red Light District" by Moes Haven on If Not Us, Who? (2007)
* "Only for You" by Moes Haven on *Songs from Deep in the Vault (1996-2010), Vol. 2* (2017) (lyrics by Speake)
* "Wolf" Moes Haven on *Songs from Deep in the Vault (1996-2010), Vol. 3* (2017) (spoken word by Speake)

## Trivia

Farley mentions Speake on the song "A review of 'Jugular'" by The Passionate and Objective Jokerfan on *Songs About Albums: Record Reviews and Ruminations* (2011), crediting Speake for giving him a copy of this little known 1990 album by Vigilantes of Love.
I Love Poop!

***I Love Poop!*** is the fifth album by The Toilet Bowl Cleaners.

The album has 18 tracks and a running time of 29:17. It was released on November 23, 2009 (Spotify & Amazon), about 10 months after the band's prior album, *Celebrities Fart and Poop (Just Like You & Me)*. In between these two 2009 releases, other Farley artists released over 20 albums.

CDBaby blurb: "If you love poop, you will love this album!" Album notes: "The Toilet Bowl Cleaners are back with more odes to the disgusting things that come out of our bodies everyday!"

The black-and-white cover art for this album features the same toilet for the fifth consecutive time, but from a slightly different camera angle.

A 2013 Toilet Bowl Cleaners sampler playlist created by *Music for Maniacs* features three songs from this album: "Swine Flu", "Girl's Don't Poop", and "Wiping My Bum With My Hand."

The song "Prune Juice Makes You Poop!" was also recorded (they are different recordings) by The Hungry Food Band on *Singing About Food* (2009).

Music critic Carson Perstrope said of "Wiping My Bum With My Hand", "Holy crap what is this madness."

Spotify: [1]
CDBaby: [2]
Amazon: [3]
Apple Music: [4]

## Track listing

1. Swine Flu 1:51
2. Girls Don't Poop 1:14
3. Wiping My Bum With My Hand 1:44
4. The Dog Has Diarrhea 2:18
5. Dog Poo on Your Shoe 1:17
6. Zits 1:56
7. Toilet Paper on my Shoe 1:42
8. People are Pooping All Over the World 2:05
9. Talking on the Phone While Sitting on the Toilet 1:43
10. Washing My Butt in the Shower 1:10
11. Puking is Just Plain Wrong 2:11
12. Baby, Please Don't Puke 1:27
13. The Urinal Blues 1:47
14. Prune Juice Makes You Poop 1:32
15. I Love Poop! 1:00
16. Wedgies 0:57
17. Halitosis (Bad Breath) 1:26
18. Pinworms (also known as Butt Worms) 1:47

## References

<references>

1. ↑ The Toilet Bowl Cleaners Sampler (January 2013)
Kazuya Misaki

**Kazuya Misaki** (三崎 一也, *Misaki Kazuya*) is a support member of the Nozama Peston Service.

## Character History

He is a former con-artist who joined the Exterminators to pay his debts, especially to a scary syndicate. He is in charge of distracting the general public during the group's Amazon exterminations. His left forearm was later eaten by Mamoru, replacing it with a prosthetic limb.

## Behind the Scenes

### Portrayal

Kazuya Misaki is portrayed by Katsuya (勝也, *Katsuya*).

## Appearances

* File:Icon-amazons.png *Kamen Rider Amazons*
	+ *Kamen Rider Amazons Season 1 the Movie: Awakening*
		- Episode 1: *AMAZONZ*
		- Episode 2: *BEAST INSIDE*
	+ *Kamen Rider Amazons Season 2 the Movie: Reincarnation*
Suburban Longing

**"Suburban Longing"** is the seventh track on the Matt Motern Manly Man album *Delicate Genius / Thirsty Killer*, released in 2017.

## Lyrics

Mountains, mountains, who made the mountains

Peoples' parties, swimming in fountains

Birds in a cage, birds in a rage

Tellin' stories from up on the stage

It was a hare-brained scheme

It just came to me

and you're the cutest jailbird I ever did see

Let's rehearse, let's do some sing-songing

Let's reverse this suburban longing

Let's reverse this suburban longing

Let's reverse this suburban longing

It was a secret not worth revealing

I lost sleep because I hurt her feelings

Late night TV, caring for the elderly

Great idea, just presented itself to me

I figured I would remember

But now its gone forever

For a moment I was clever

But I can act upon it never

Let's apologize to people we've been wronging

Let's reverse this suburban longing

Let's reverse this suburban longing

Let's reverse this suburban longing

Let's reverse this suburban longing
The Athletic Sports Band

**The Athletic Sports Band** is one of Matt Farley's many sports bands that release sports-themed novelty songs. It has released nine albums as of 2018.   The band released its first four albums in 2008, followed by two albums in 2009, and more sporadic releases since then.

The bands' *Passion Bucket* (2009) album was featured on The Dan Patrick Show in November 2009, causing Farley's earnings on this album to increase tenfold.
Chris Peterson

**Chris "Pete" Peterson** is a bassist and guitarist who performs with Matt Farley in The Big Heist, The Finklestinks, and Projection From The Side.  He also appears on a number of early Moes Haven albums, many of those tracks originally being Finklestinks songs. He is widely believed to be the secret talent behind many of Farley's projects. Elizabeth is his sister, as is Theresa Peterson.

Peterson also appears in significant roles in many Farley/Roxburgh movies, starting with *Don’t Let The Riverbeast Get You!* in 2012. In 2021's *Heard She Got Married*, he starred in a lead role for the first time.

## Motern Filmography

* *Magic Spot* (2022) as Poopy McMillen
* *Metal Detector Maniac* (2021) as The Metal Detector Maniac
* *Heard She Got Married* (2021) as Van Hickman
* *Motern Media Christmas Special* (2017) as himself and Jandek Claus
* *Slingshot Cops* (2016) as Mayor Dobson
* *Local Legends* (2013) as Soup
* *Don’t Let The Riverbeast Get You!* (2012) as Ned Matthews

## Songs about Pete

* "Pete on Bass Brilliant Actor!" by Papa Razzi and the Photogs on *More Famous Songs Always for People* (2019)
Basement Reunion

***Basement Reunion*** is a 2014 album from Projection From The Side, featuring Matt Farley, Pete, and Froggy.

The album has 15 tracks and a run time of 38:31. It was released on December 16, 2014. Fan favorites on this album include "Have You Seen Dooma Blooma?" and "I'll Make a Poster". The song "Swear, Farley, Swear" is sung by Froggy and is probably the dirtiest Motern Media song ever released.

Live versions of "I'll Make a Poster" appears on *Live in Danvers! (World Motern Day Extravaganza)* (2017) and *Motern Extravaganza 2019*.

"Have You Seen Dooma Blooma?" appears on *Motern Extravaganza 2019*.

## Track list

1. Have You Seen Dooma Blooma? (2:28)
2. Pete, Where Are You? (1:23)
3. Pride (1:58)
4. Snakeyboy (0:46)
5. I'll Make a Poster (2:09)
6. Land of Falling Stars (2:35)
7. Only Party With Girls (2:27)
8. Fight Riot (1:25)
9. Swear, Farley, Swear (2:42) (Explicit)
10. A.B.L. (4:09)
11. Ignorance (1:54)
12. Swivel Chair (2:04)
13. Too Cold for Shorts (1:40)
14. Rearview Mirror (3:29)
15. A.B.L. (Demo Version) (7:23)
Single song band

A number of Motern Media bands by Matt Farley are **"single song bands"**, meaning they primarily release albums with many personalized versions of the same song.

These bands include:

* The Guy Who Sings Your Name Over and Over
* The Best Birthday Song Band Ever
* The Best Friend Song Fun Band
* The Prom Song Singers
* The Smokin’ Hot Babe Lovers
* The Wedding Proposal Song Music Band
* The Birthday Band For Old People
* The Family Party Song Singers
* The Very Very Awesome Song Band
* The Singing Phone Ringtone Party Band

Moes Haven • The Big Heist • The Toilet Bowl Cleaners • Matt Motern Manly Man • Brennan McFarley • Caniko Tucci • Papa Razzi and the Photogs • The Very Nice Interesting Singer Man • The Passionate and Objective Jokerfan • Projection from the Side • The Finklestinks • The Guy Who Sings Songs About Cities And Towns • The Odd Man Who Sings About Poop, Puke and Pee • The Hungry Food Band • The Strange Man Who Sings About Dead Animals • The Singing Animal Lover • The Paranormal Song Warrior • The Great Weather Song Person • The Spoiled Chefs (with Kevin McGee) • **Single song bands** • Sports bands • No Jokes • Full 75+ band list on home page

## See also

<references>

1. ↑ Adam K. Raymond The Streaming Problem: How Spammers, Superstars, and Tech Giants Gamed the Music Industry, *Vulture* (July 5, 2017)
Natalie Portman

**"Natalie Portman"** is the opening track on the first Papa Razzi and the Photogs album *Dream Girls*, released in 2007.

## Lyrics

Natalie Portman

Oh my God, oh my God

You're so beautiful

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know

I don't know what to say

Except maybe this

I didn't like that movie 'Garden State'

About fifteen minutes into it I started to contemplate

Leaving the theater, but then you came up on the screen

Oh my God, you know what I mean

Maybe you don't, maybe you can't

Maybe you never will oh my God though

My heart stood still

I don't know, i don't know, i don't know

No I just don't know

I wish i went to Harvard in the seat next to yours

I'd let you borrow my notes, you'd tell me all about Star Wars

We'd talk and we'd laugh

I'd get your autograph

I wonder what it was like for you

At that school

Did people talk to you

Or were they too cool

It must be tough

When you don't know anybody

But they all know who you are

You're a star

Something you can't avoid

It must be tough

I would get paranoid

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god

You're so beautiful

I don't know I don't know

Oh my God oh my God

I don't know I don't know

I just don't know

Oh my god Oh my god

i just don't know, you're just so beautiful

Natalie Portman

Oh my God, oh my God

You're so beautiful

I don't know I don't know

Oh my God oh my God

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know

I just don't know
Eras of The Odd Man Who Sings About Poop, Puke, and Pee

## The Eras

### Era 1: Various Poop Songs

1. Good Songs About Poop, Puke, and Pee (2013)
2. Animal Poop Songs (2014)
3. City Poop Songs (2017)
4. Food Poop Songs (2017)

### Era 2: Name Poop Songs

1. Name Poop Songs (2018)
2. Name Name Poop Songs (2018)
3. Name Poop Songs Songs (2018)
4. Name Name Poop Songs Songs (2018)
5. Name Name Poop Songs Songs Songs (2018)

### Era 3: More Name Poop Songs

1. More Name Poop Songs (2018)
2. More Name Poop Songs Songs (2019)
3. More More Name Poop Songs (2019)
4. More More Name Poop Songs Songs (2019)
5. More Name Name Poop Songs (2019)
6. More Name Name Poop Songs Songs (2019)

### Era 4: Good Name Poop Songs

1. Good Name Poop Songs (2019)
2. Good Name Poop Songs Songs (2019)
3. Good Good Name Poop Songs (2020)
4. Good Good Name Poop Songs Songs (2020)

### Era 5: Great Name Poop Songs

1. Great Name Poop Songs (2020)
2. Great Great Name Poop Songs (2020)
3. More Great Name Poop Songs (2020)
4. More Great Name Poop Songs Songs (2020)
5. More More Great Name Poop Songs Songs (2020)
6. More Great Great Name Poop Songs Songs (2020)

### Era 6: Excellent Name Poop Songs

1. Excellent Name Poop Songs (2020)
2. Excellent Name Poop Songs Songs (2020)
3. Excellent Name Name Poop Songs (2020)
A Minute is Like a Day When You're Falling in Love

**A Minute is Like a Day When You’re Falling in Love** is the eighth track on *November the Tar!* (2006) by Moes Haven. It also appears on the compilation album *It Takes a Lot of Guts!* (2007)

Live versions appear on *Motern Extravaganza 2019* (2019) and *Extravaganza V* (2021)

The concept of the song is that time actually goes slow when you are falling in love, instead of "flying by" as might be commonly said.

## Lyrics

Well I saw her on a Monday on the 5:00 Train

And by the time we got to Winnemucca, my life was not the same

I dreamed us eating dinner, and of meeting mom and dad

As we rode along through Reno, thinking about all the good times we had

Because a minute is like a day when you’re falling in love

Oh yes, a minute is like a day when you’re falling in love

There’s the show we saw in Branson, there’s the clams we ate in Maine

And the children that we’d raise they're all a-dancing in my brain

Sure there’d be some times I lied and a few times that she cried

But they’d pale compared to the Sunday afternoons when we would ride

Because a minute is like a day when you’re falling in love

Oh yes, a minute is like a day when you’re falling in love

In reality, well, she and me, we never shared a word

But I’m not much for the real world, though the doctor says I’m cured

I’m happy to keep dreaming and to slow each minute down

And when she’s gone there’ll be another I can build a world around

And yes a minute is like a day when you’re falling in love

Oh yes, a minute is like a day when you’re falling in love

A minute is like a day when you’re falling in love

Oh yes, a minute is like a day when you’re falling in love
Brennan McFarley

**Brennan McFarley** is a band consisting of Matt Farley and Doug "Froggy" Brennan.

The band released its debut EP *Wednesday Night Chronicles* on September 2, 2019. The debut EP is discussed in depth on the September 2, 2019 episode of MMIP. Matt and Frog intended the band name to be "Brennan/McFarley" with a slash, and the EP to be titled "Side One", but streaming rules caused the changes.

The band name is a reference to Lennon/McCartney, but also a nod to Frog's grandmother who did call Farley "McFarley."

The music is similar in style to The Big Heist or Projection From The Side with a bit of a harder edge.

The band's next release, *The Beyond* is slated to release in early October 2020.

## Discography

Moes Haven • The Big Heist • The Toilet Bowl Cleaners • Matt Motern Manly Man • **Brennan McFarley** • Caniko Tucci • Papa Razzi and the Photogs • The Very Nice Interesting Singer Man • The Passionate and Objective Jokerfan • Projection from the Side • The Finklestinks • The Guy Who Sings Songs About Cities And Towns • The Odd Man Who Sings About Poop, Puke and Pee • The Hungry Food Band • The Strange Man Who Sings About Dead Animals • The Singing Animal Lover • The Paranormal Song Warrior • The Great Weather Song Person • The Spoiled Chefs (with Kevin McGee) • Single song bands • Sports bands • No Jokes • Full 75+ band list on home page
Ryan Desmarais

**Ryan Desmarias** is an actor who in appears in a number of Motern Media/ShockMarathons productions.

## Filmography

* *Heard She Got Married* (2021) as Postman
* *Motern Media Christmas Special* (2017) as Texas Tom
* *Slingshot Cops* (2016) as The Preppy
* *Local Legends* (2013) as Fan (on street)
* *Don’t Let The Riverbeast Get You!* (2012) as Cupcake Shop Patron
The Cleveland Sports Band

**The Cleveland Sports Band** is a Matt Farley sports band which releases songs about Cleveland-based sports teams. The band has released two albums and one single.

*Deadspin* wrote about Farley's sports bands in 2014, calling their music "a sonic trainwreck" but still "hilarious."

## Discography

 2010
 Single

## References

<references>

1. ↑ Kevin Draper. This One Guy Has Written Hundreds Of Awful Songs About Sports, *Deadspin* (November 15, 2014)
Chocolate Ice Cream

**Chocolate Ice Cream** is track 1 on *Songs About Food* (2004) by The Spoiled Chefs and also track 17 on *Dislocated Songs* (2004) by Moes Haven.

The Spoiled Chefs album was recorded in 2001; Kevin McGee sings on the song; he also performs on the 2017 live version recorded at the first Motern Extravaganza, it is track 17 on *Live in Danvers! (World Motern Day Extravaganza)*.

## Lyrics

I like chocolate ice cream

But I'll take vanilla any time

I'm waiting for my baby

Outside of the five and dime

She'll be looking for a sundae

That she'll eat most any time

She really loves her ice cream

That sweet lovin' baby of mine

Tried chocolate chip and rocky road

Strawberry swirl but I was told

"Honey baby, can't you see?

"There are only two flavors meant for me."

I like chocolate ice cream

But I'll take vanilla any time

My baby just showed up here

And boy, she's looking fine

We walk up to the counter

Place an order with the soda jerk

Ice cream all around him

Boy, he must love his work

Tried chocolate chip and rocky road

Strawberry swirl but I was told

"Honey baby, can't you see?

"There are only two flavors meant for me."

I like chocolate ice cream

But I'll take vanilla any day

The jerk gives us the ice cream

And my honey baby lets me pay

I feed her and she feeds me

She looks into my eyes

The ice cream looks so lonely

So we go up to order some fries

Tried chocolate chip and rocky road

Strawberry swirl but I was told

"Honey baby, can't you see?

"There are only two flavors meant for me."

Tried chocolate chip and rocky road

Strawberry swirl but I was told

"Honey baby, can't you see?

"There are only two flavors meant for me."

Then something awful happened

A man came in with a gun

He said, "Give me all your ice cream."

He spoiled all our fun

I like chocolate ice cream

But I'll take vanilla any time

There is no more chocolate ice cream

Left in the five and dime