Little Agen't Big Adventure (Story)

## ultraagent03

Little Agent bolted out of bed. Today was the day he had been waiting for; today was the day he would get to go to the alpaca park!

He was going with his parents, Daddy Potato and Best Welsh Buddy; his friend, Mandarin Orange; and his two aunts, Lord Tigress and Lady Narwhal. The six of them would get to pet the alpacas all day!

Mandarin Orange showed up, and the family left. Daddy Potato's two sisters were already at the park waiting for them. They spent all day learning from the alpaca tamer, and they even got to ride the alpacas!

But the entire time, there was a feeling of uneasiness amongst the group. No one knew exactly what was wrong: something just *was*.

That's when it happened.

## MockingbirdInc

Daddy Potato was having fun. The group was returning from their alpaca adventure, having previously truly enjoying theirselves. Daddy Potato spotted a popcorn cart nearby. "Ooh, popcorn!" He exclaimed as he glowered over the popped kernels. "Let's get some of that!"

He turned down to face Little Agent, about to ask whether he wanted his salted, buttery, or covered in sriracha-flavored sprinkles, and then noticed his nervous expression. "Hey, is something wrong, Little Agent?" He asked in concern.

"I feel bad, Daddy Potato." Little Agent expressed.

"I told you to go before we left."

"No, not like that. I feel a scary presence. It feels dark and foreboding, as if a dangerous journey with tap-dancing dragons is going to happen."

Daddy Potato stared into the concerned face of Little Agent. Was it true? Could such imminent peril truly be on its way?

Daddy Potato sputtered his lips. "You've lost your mind, Little Agent. Should I get some frosting for our popcorn? Sounds fuuuuuuuun!"

"EW!" Lady Narwhal exclaimed, abruptly grabbing a narwhal from nowhere and hugging it tightly.

"Can I eat the Mandarin Orange?" Little Agent pleaded.

"Um, actually, Little Agent, she's-" Best Welsh Buddy began to explain

"h\*ck no" Mandarin Orange interjected.

"Let's just get the popcorn." Daddy Potato decided. "Maybe we should get six - five for me and one for you guys to share!"

But as he gathered the popcorn tubs, Daddy Potato began the sense the same evil presence Little Agent had seemingly felt . . . no, wait, it was the popcorn guy. Nvm then.

## ultraagent03

The six proceeded to sit at a nearby picnic table, eating their popcorn. Little Agent just stared into nothingness while chewing his snack. Not because of the thing he had felt earlier - he just liked staring into nothingness.
   "So what was up with that weirdo popcorn guy?" asked Lady Narwhal, procuring another of her favorite animals from seemingly empty space.
   "What do you mean?" replied her sister, Lord Tigress.
   "Something about him just felt off! Something bad...." She hugged her narwhal.
   "I felt it too," revealed Daddy Potato.
   "So did I," added Little Agent, his eyes unmoving from the spot on the table which he had deeply looked into for five minutes. "There was something sinister about him."
   "well i didnt notice anything" said Mandarin Orange, who then punched Little Agent in the arm. He still didn't stop looking at the spot.
   "Just look at him!" exclaimed Lady Narwhal. She pointed at the popcorn guy, who was now selling the treat to a different family. As he reached down to grab another bag, he looked at Lady Narwhal and frowned deeply. He didn't take his gaze off of her until he turned to give the bag of popcorn away, that menacing scowl quickly turning into a somewhat disturbing smile.
   "There *is*something weird about him, I'll give you that," agreed Best Welsh Buddy.
   Mandarin Orange nudged Little Agent, and pointed to the cart. As they watched, the popcorn man opened a door on the side of his cart and stepped out. He walked toward the party, and, as he shuffled past them, Little Agent caught a glimpse of his dark eyes. They looked non-human - Little Agent didn't know why, but they looked like the eyes of a *dragon*.

## MockingbirdInc

The branches of the dark, leafless trees hung overhead Little Agent as he nervously trod down an old, bumpy cobblestone road down the dark forest. An ominous nighttime sky could be seen between the gaps of the trees, with only the moon illuminating his path. He, quivering, looked to the left of the forest to see a pair of yellow, owl eyes peek back at him before it flew away quickly into the nighttime air, startling Little Agent. Something felt wrong about this place. He could almost taste the presence of another being in the air. He had to make sure to -
Suddenly, an abrupt *crack* echoed through the air. It had come straight from Little Agent, who suddenly froze, and after gaining the bravery to move, looked to his foot to see he had stepped on a piece of popcorn.
An evil chuckle sounded from behind him. Little Agent spun around. There was nothing to be seen. The chuckle could be heard to his left. He turned once more. Nothing but the trees. The voice rose once again from behind him. Little Agent slowly walked around in circles, trying to spot the voice, while he trembled and his heart raced with fear.
Without warning, the face popped out from the darkness. "Would you like some popcorn?" The popcorn guy asked.
Little Agent's scream echoed throughout the house. Everybody woke up with a jolt and ran to his room, having guessed by how shrill it was something terrible must've happened.
"What is it, Little Agent?" Daddy Potato asked, having just run into his room along with Tigress, Best Welsh Buddy, and Mandarin Orange.
"this better be good" Mandarin Orange noted sternly.
"I had a nightmare, Daddy Potato! The evil popcorn guy was-!"
"Seriously?! That was it?!" Best Welsh Buddy groaned.
"Go back to sleep." Tigress instructed.
"Why's everybody up?" Lady Narwhal yawned as she entered the room as well.
"Don't tell me you didn't hear that." Best Welsh Buddy said in disbelief.
"Hear what? All I know is that nobody's in their beds anymore."
"Little Agent had a nightmare." Daddy Potato informed her.
"Oh noes!" Lady Narwhal squealed, hugging her narwhal. "He need some milk!"
"hes fine" Mandarin Orange said. "can we just go back to bed"
The group started to leave the room, going their separate ways. "Daddy Potato?" Little Agent asked as Daddy Potato began to exit the room.
"Yes, Little Agent?" Daddy Potato responded.
"Can I sleep with you tonight?"
Daddy Potato took a moment to consider how much he cared for and wanted to comfort Little Agent. All the love and heart he wanted to give him, and what this extra tidbit of comfort meant to him. Daddy Potato finally knew what to say.
"Brick no." He declared as he left the room. "See ya in the morning."
"Oh." Little Agent frowned. "Okay."
Something about the popcorn dream had felt so real - so vivd - but maybe it was just a dream?
Maybe it was.

## ultraagent03

Little Agent cried himself back to sleep after the terrible nightmare. Soon enough, he awoke to the yells of Best Welsh Buddy: "Get out of bed!!!!"
   He put his feet on the cold floor and forced himself to stand up. He was still tired after his long night. He trudged out of his bedroom and into the cozy living room, where everyone else was already awake and watching the television. He looked at a nearby clock and realized that it was already past noon.
   "Good morning, sleepyhead!" yelled the ever enthusiastic Lady Narwhal.
   "Hey, Little Agent." Daddy Potato smiled. "Best Welsh Buddy made you a snack. It's in the dining room."
   Little Agent sighed and turned around, going to find his late breakfast. When he reached it, he was aghast in horror: it was a bowl of popcorn. All at once, the room turned into those awful woods. He heard a faint voice all around him. "Little Agent! Little Agent!" Then, as suddenly as the nightmare had returned, it was gone. All that was left was the voice of Daddy Potato, yelling from the couch in the living room. "Little Agent! Get the door!"
   He sighed and progressed to the door. As he opened it, he saw a delivery man holding a large package and a clipboard with a pen. His name tag read 'Ciar08'. As Little Agent saw the man's face, he screamed and fainted. It was the popcorn man.

## MockingbirdInc

The feeling of cold liquid hit his face awakened Little Agent suddenly. Aunt Tigress was holding an upturned bucket; small drops of water dripped from it onto Little Agent's face.
Lady Narwhal startled cackling like a maniac. "That was hilarious!" She giggled. "You were so freaked out over a simple cardboard prop-up!"
"A . . . cardboard?" Little Agent asked weakly.
The Popcorn Guy suddenly fell over flatly onto his face, revealing he was not alive but merely a stick of cardboard. Little Agent got up to his feet to inspect it. Scrawled with a red crayon on the back read "Would you like some popcorn?"
Little Agent screamed, jumping back and careening into a side table where a vase of flowers stood, making the vase knock over and shatter into pieces upon the ground. Best Welsh Buddy looked at the ruins. "I guess we need a new vase." She noted dryly.
Fear pulsed through Little Agent's veins. His heart raced like a roadrunner, feeling as if his heart was about to pop out of chest. Daddy Potato looked at him strangely. "Um, what was that about? He was just offering popcorn."
"There's more to it, Daddy Potato!" Little Agent insisted. "I know there's something behind this man; he's evil!"
The stress of the Popcorn Guy's villainy brought tears to Little Agent's eyes. "im scared daddy potato" He admitted.
"dont be little agent" Daddy Potato responded.
"but its so scary" Little Agent explained as a tear rolled down his cheek.
"dont cry little agent; when you cry i wanna cry" Daddy Potato said, sniffing.
"im crying daddy potato" Little Agent declared, moaning in sadness.
"im crying too little agent" Daddy Potato said as he burst into tears.
"these guys need some help" Mandarin Orange noted, staring at the two. Tigress, Lady Narwhal, and Best Welsh Buddy all nodded their heads in agreement.

The next morning, Little Agent walked out of his bedroom door, intending to walk to the kitchen to have a delicious serving of Lady Narwhal's finest delicacy - a bowl of cereal. However, when Little Agent opened his door, millions of popped popcorn kernels flooded into his room. The puffed corn suddenly filled up the room, knocking Little Agent away, making his eyes sting with salt. He screamed in surprise and terror.
Exclamations of "Ugh, again?!" and "What's the problem now?!" could be heard from the other room as Little Agent's scream awoke the adults. However, their screams were heard soon afterwards, as they too opened their door to see the commotion. Well, all screamed except for Lady Narwhal, who squealed in joy. "There's yumminess everywhere!" She shouted.
After a few minutes of struggle, Daddy Potato knocked away enough popcorn to enter Little Agent's to see how he was faring with the recent events.
Little Agent looked Daddy Potato in the eye.
"The Popcorn Guy isn't playing nicely, Daddy Potato."

## ultraagent03

"It is true. I have quite a flair for the dramatic. It runs in the species, I suppose."
The family spun around in unison to see the Popcorn Guy standing down the hall. "It's just cardboard," murmured Little Agent. "Cardboard can't do anything...."
"Uh.... I don't remember filling the house with popcorn." Lord Tigress shot a glaring look to her brother.
"I am not cardboard!" called out the Popcorn Guy. He had a boisterous English accent. "I am, in fact, not even human!"
Little Agent shrieked, but barely remain conscious. "GET OUT OF OUR HOUSE! STOP TERRORIZING US!"
"I merely wished to gain your full attention, and showcasing my delicious power was the best way to do that."
"Why are you here?" yelled Daddy Potato.
"I have practiced this conversation many times, in my head. Each time, I can never get it just right. I'll say it outright: your son is the Chosen One to defeat the evil Mr. Dentist."
"what" said Mandarin Orange.
"Before we get into all that, however, I should tell you about myself! I am Ciar the Eighth, King of Draconia! I was gifted with the ability to create the most delicious popcorn in the Multiverse, and I have used that power to its fullest extent in my lifetime. However, Mr. Dentist, one of the Lords of Evil, has resurfaced sooner than we expected. Little Agent, while young, is our only hope to destroy him - hopefully before the other Lords return."
The family members looked at each other, an aura of confusion and fear moving between them. Lady Narwhal was the first to speak. "Thanks for the popcorn!"
"Wait," commanded Best Welsh Buddy. "You said something about not being human. What's that about?"
Ciar the Eighth gave a hardy laugh. "How could I forget! I am, in my true form, a dragon."

## MockingbirdInc

Staring at Ciar the Eighth in confusion and amazement, Little Agent tried to comprehend recent events.
"I've always known it." Daddy Potato said firmly.
Looking at Little Agent with affection, he continued. "Ever since I've met you, I've always known you were destined for something great, and I suspected it had something to do with dragons and popcorn."
Little Agent wondered how Daddy Potato knew this, but dismissed the thought and looked back at Ciar the Eighth, hungry for new information. "What's the Dentist like?"
"Mr. Dentist." Ciar the Eighth corrected. "And he's a giant celery."
"A giant celery?!" Little Agent yelled in disbelief. "Why?!"
"dont be so loud little agent" Daddy Potato reprimanded.
"That is one thing I am afraid I do not know, Chosen One." Ciar the Eighth admitted.
"You mentioned multiple Lords of Evil. Who are they?" Little Agent wondered.
"I'd prefer not to say." Ciar the Eighth answered, showing slight embarrassment.
"Because they're too fearsome to mention?" Little Agent fretted.
"Because it's more fun to let you find out the hard way." Ciar the Eighth said.
Ciar the Eighth handed Little Agent a small, worn-out map. Dotted lines marked a swerving, curling path through terrain Little Agent was unfamiliar with, showing many frightening landmarks he would have to endure on his journey.
"I have had reasons to believe the time for you the save the world is now." He explained. "You must follow this path, and upon its end you will encounter Mr. Dentist, along with the other Lords of Evil. It is your duty to bring them all down, restoring peace to our world."
"How will I do that?" Little Agent said, looking up at the dragon-being in hopes for wise advice.
"How should I know?" Ciar the Eighth asked back. "*You're* the chosen one."
Little Agent stood unmoving for a second, his face unreadable. Finally, he decided, "I will do it - but I may need a little help from my friends."
He gestured off to Daddy Potato, who was stuffing himself with popcorn. Noticing he was suddenly the center of attention, he looked up and said with a mouth full of popcorn, "All mike f-sure to hep ooh."
"you all are a bunch of idiots tbh" Mandarin Orange said in disbelief.

## ultraagent03

"I have gathered you all here today to discuss our plan, moving forward. As you know, we are the only Lords remaining. What you do not know, however, is that King Ciar the Eighth has located his Chosen One."
"InCONceivable!" exclaimed The Conedian.
"Preposterous," agreed Sogel Rome.
"Sillier than a bat in a swimming pool," added Cowboy Guru.
The ever-silent Frost Lurker shot him a look filled with both ice and fire.
"Enough, enough, my fellow Lords of Evil," yelled the giant celery standing at the table's head. "Our influence over the Twelve Realms is at an all-time-low. Ever since he came into power, King Ciar the Eighth has been dismantling our organization's power. Now, our only safe space is within the borders of this Dentonian Realm. Seven of us have been captured and imprisoned by Draconian forces. All of us know what must be done."
"The Eternal Bricks?" asked Sogel Rome with bewilderment and apprehension.
"Exactly. If we collect all twelve of them before King Ciar and his Chosen One do, the Lords of Evil can rule over the Twelve Realms once again!" Mr. Dentist looked across the table at his comrades, examining each one.
The Conedian was a talking sombrero, cast out of Enchiladaland for his incessant pun-making. During his exile, he had been trained by Mr. Dentist to become one of the new Lords of Evil.
In fact, Mr. Dentist trained all eleven of his fellow Lords. Named after the ancient organization which ruled the Twelve Realms for a thousand years, the Lords of Evil included an outcast from each Realm.
Frost Lurker was the easiest to train, or perhaps the hardest. She was a being of great power, from the land of Readosia. Cowboy Guru was significantly less so, expelled from the Wildlands for his nonsensical metaphors.
And there was, of course, Sogel Rome, the floating top hat from Ghosttown. The most intelligent of the Lords, he did not always play by the rules of Mr. Dentist.
The celery stalk himself was once the King of Dentonia, a land where dental hygiene was supreme. After being overthrown, he brought together the Lords and took back his kingdom. But he could not stop there. The Lords we all pawns, and this was his game.

## MockingbirdInc

"When should I depart on my journey?" Little Agent wondered.
"I would suggest as soon as possible." Ciar the Eighth suggested. "Your mission is vital."
"Can't we have a popcorn break first?!" Daddy Potato asked.
Ignore his father's suggestion, Little Agent glanced into Ciar's massive, snake-like pupils. "Will you come along to aid me?" He asked, yearning for assistance in his perilous task.
"I am afraid not." Ciar the Eighth admitted regretfully. "I feel the urge to take a quick rest in the faraway land of Innack Ti Vitty, but I might rush to help you at a conveniently random time when your life is on the line.
"Godspeed, Little Agent." He uttered before exiting the popcorn-filled house and then flying off high upon the billowing, puffy clouds.
Little Agent turned around facing all of his family and friends. He looked upon their friendly faces, wondering if this would be the last he would be blessed with the opportunity of meeting their gazes, or if he would become tired of their demeanor and attitude after a long and tedious journey. "So," he said, beginning his sentence without grammatical correctness, "Who wants to come with me?"
A couple of them began to announce they were to join, but Little Agent continued, "judging by the map, this will be a long journey - and quite dangerous. By joining me, you're sacrificing potentially numerous months relaxing in the comforts of your home to trudge upon the weary and bleak days of relentless journey, as well as risking your life for a purpose you may not be alive to see when the task is completed."
"So who's up?" He asked.
Mandarin Orange, Best Welsh Buddy, Lady Narwhal, Lord Tigress, and Daddy Potato all looked around, unsure of what the decision should be.
Best Welsh Buddy stepped forward. "I think we should all go along with Little Agent to send him off and decide on the way. You heard Ciar; he needs to go quickly. Shall we?"
The others nodded in approval. "Pretty impressive thinking for somebody from Welshland." Lady Narwhal noted.
"It's called Wales." Best Welsh Buddy glared.
"You're not a whale!" Lady Narwhal laughed at her silliness.
"Let's just go on." Lord Tigress suggested. "There're adventures to be had."

## ultraagent03

The family of six stood in a circle -- or, more accurately, a misshapen oval with several ninety degree angles. "On the way out here," started Little Agent, "I've been thinking."
"we literally just walked to the end of the driveway" noted Mandarin Orange.
"Lady Narwhal is far too young to go on this journey. It will be dangerous, and I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to her."
"I agree," said Daddy Potato. He then took a handful of popcorn from his pocket and shoved it in his mouth.
"The problem," continued the young Chosen One, "is that she can't be left here alone. Someone has to stay with her."
"I'll do it." Lord Tigress raised her hand, despite everyone recognizing her voice. "I'll stay here with Lady Narwhal. I can't leave my little sister behind."
A set of vocal noises which equally resembled the words 'thank you' and 'goodbye' emitted from Daddy Potato's full mouth as he hugged both of his sisters.
"Anyone else who wants to stay should say so now." Little Agent shifted his weight from one foot to another.
"well actually i'm not totally excited about the idea of dying in a ditch somewhere so." Mandarin Orange ran up the driveway and into the house at full speed. The two sisters followed suit at a considerably slower pace.
"I guess it's just the three of us." Little Agent looked up at his parents.
Daddy Potato opened his now empty mouth to say something undoubtedly profound, but quickly shut it when he noticed the aghast expressions of his wife and son. He turned back toward the house to see it being lifted from the ground by a dragon.
This dragon was decidedly not Ciar the Eighth; while the Draconian king was a color of light gray, this dragon was a deep shade of black. It flapped its ginormous wings and took off with the house, and the three residents inside.
Best Welsh Buddy gestured in the general direction the house once stood. "We should probably go save them or something, right?"

## MockingbirdInc

Plumbing pipes and tubes dangled from the precariously-grabbed yellow, wooden house as it soared across the sky in the claws of the massive, black dragon. Little Agent, Daddy Potato, and Best Welsh Buddy ran hurriedly, concerned about the safety of their friends. "Hey!" Daddy Potato shouted angrily. "Give us back my sisters and Little Agent's friend!"
The daunting, dark Draconian dragon turn its sleek head, its green eyes blazing in the sun as its gaze burned into the faces of the small family. It suddenly stuck it its pink, forked tongue to splutter a rude raspberry before turning its head back and continuing his flight.
"Well, that wasn't what I was anticipating." Best Welsh Buddy admitted.
"How're we gonna get to it?!" Daddy Potato wondered aloud. "It's so high up!"
"We'll just have to keep going down our path, but quickly." Little Agent decided. "Its path seems to be the same as ours, so we can kill two birds with one stone - we can go on the Journey Ciar the Eighth gave us and get to our friends."
"What kind of birds?" Daddy Potato asked, seeming somewhat cross.
"Erm, I dunno. Any kind of bird - an oriole, a canary, a mockingbird, whatever."
Daddy Potato glared angrily at his son. "*Never* harm a mockingbird, Little Agent."
"I'm sorry, Daddy Potato." Little Agent apologized sadly. "But we must get going! I just hope Lady Narwhal is coping well with all this; she must be scared out of her mind . . ."

"This - is - awesome!" Lady Narwhal whooped excitedly, her excited head sticking outside of the window of the small yellow house.
"Get your head out of the window, Lady Narwhal!" Lord Tigress shouted with concern. "You could fall out! You don't know what this dragon could do!"
"But it's fun! And the view is great!"
Lord Tigress sighed and walked over to the window. She, too, stuck out her head and laughed with amazement, with a small brick-shaped charm hanging from her necklace, swinging in the wind. "Haha, this actually is pretty awesome! I mean, I know it's scary to have a dragon kidnapping you, but this still is pretty cool."
"what the h\*ck i think you guys have lost it" Mandarin Orange said from behind them in disapproval.

## ultraagent03

"It's finally here," said Little Agent. "The moment we've all been waiting for."
"What do you mean, Little Agent?" asked the perpetually confused Daddy Potato.
"I mean... uh...." The youngster seemed to place something in his back pocket. "I mean, this journey. I feel like we've always longed for a sense of purpose in this meaningless life, but now we're going to save the universe!"
"Attempt to, at least," muttered Best Welsh Buddy.
"What was that?"
"Oh, nothing."
"Are you sure that's what you meant?" inquired Daddy Potato.
"Definitely!" Little Agent smiled, seemingly oblivious to the text that had appeared above his head. Trait acquired: Liar!
 Daddy Potato turned to his wife. "Is that what I think it is?"
"Depends on what you think it is." Best Welsh Buddy was staring at the ground, disinterested in the current conversation.
"Well, it's either something that will change this journey forever, or a one-off gag by an alternate universe's version of Little Agent, who is controlling our lives and wanted to make this particular chapter a demonstration of meta humor so he wouldn't have to actually progress the plot. Maybe our lives are simply meaningless, and in this higher plane of existence we're just poorly written words on a webpage, doomed to eventually be left in the middle of our journey and forgotten about by those who created us."
He paused for a moment. "I feel like the first one isn't that likely."
Best Welsh Buddy was no longer listening, and Little Agent was wondering if either of them remembered what had just happened to their house.

## MockingbirdInc

"Well," Little Agent said, "let's follow the map. The sooner we get to the destination, the better."
Little Agent pulled the withered map from his pocket and pulled the folded paper out. In the bottom-middle of the map was LMBE Lane, the street where Little Agent lived. above the area as the Forest of Freaky Flying French Fries, right next to the Swamp of Swapping Swans. To the middle-right a cave marked "Cave of Magic (and spoops)" beside the Mountains of Moaning. Past this lay the Land of Lava and Supposedly Dormant Volcanoes, which was just behind the Portal of Interdimensional Transport.
Little Agent pointed to the map. "It'll be quicker to go straight up, through the Forest of Freaky Flying French Fries."
Daddy Potato snorted.
"This isn't a joke, Daddy Potato!" Little Agent reprimanded. "This is serious! We have to save our friends whose house is being flown away and fight Mr. Dentist, the giant anthropomorphic apple!"
Little Agent paused.
"I just heard myself." He admitted.
"In all seriousness, Little Agent, you're right; we have to get started immediately." Daddy Potato confirmed.
"Hey, that Innac Tiv Itty place looks nice." Best Welsh Buddy observed.
"Don't even think about it!" Daddy Potato warned.
"I wonder if they have golden gameboys there." Best Welsh Buddy wondered aloud.
"Don't think you're going anywhere." Daddy Potato said firmly. "I need you here - as my wife."
"Is nobody going to question this arrangement?" Little Agent asked.
"Nah, it's already canon and nobody had any problems with it previously." Daddy Potato explained. "We'll be fine."
"I still think it's weird." He noted.
"Come on, to the Forest of Freaky Flying French Fries we go!"
They ran to the nearby clump of trees supposedly identifying as the marked forest, eager to save their friends. As more and more trees passed their vision, the family started feeling nervous. "So, you guys think this place actually has freaky flying french fries?" Best Welsh Buddy asked.
"Well, it says so on the map." Little Agent explained. "I'm sure if there are, it'll be no problem. We can just eat 'em."
Little did the family know, the forest's name was deceptive marketing.

## MockingbirdInc

Mr. Dentist laid out a withered map upon the long dashboard. "This maps displays all the locations of the Eternal Bricks." He explained. "With this as our key, we can travel across dimensions and collect each one."
He gestured to a point on the map. "Here is the first one, in the realm of Capsicannum. We shall travel there and take it. Is everything clear?"
"One question, sir -" Sogel Rome began.
"Okay, shoot."
"Shoot?!" Cowboy Guru asked excitedly, pulling out a gun in hopes he could fire it at a target.
"No, not that kind of shoot!" Mr. Dentist yelled. "Rome, you may ask your question."
"Why is the spaceship we are currently inside of in the shape of a *muffin*?" Sogel Rome asked.
"Eh, it was on sale." Mr. Dentist shrugged. "Now, let's go!"
He inserted a key into the ignition lock and turned it. The spaceship began to whir as its necesseturpis-powered engine filled the room with sharp bubbling and whizzing sounds. "It's time for muffins!" A high-pitched voice from an old speaker squeaked.
"Aw, shut up." Mr. Dentist recommended. "We still need to get that thing fixed."
The massive metal muffin moved monumentally forward, shooting so suddenly into space, Cowboy Guru lost his footing and The Conedian tumbled back.

## ultraagent03

"Yes... yes... it's all going according to plan. Soon, all the pieces will be in place - or, should I say, the Bricks will be in place!" A shadowy figure laughed manically with his fingertips pressed together, in the most cliché manner one could think of. No part of his being was visible, as the room had absolutely no source of light. It was a sightless cave of nightmares, a Vantablack vacuum of despair. The mysterious new character had obviously villainous intentions. "The Chosen One and his parents have entered the Forest of Freaky Flying French Fries. There, they will face their first true test."
   "Who ya talkin' to, boss?" inquired another voice from the otherwise lifeless void. Rather than dark and intimidating, this voice was young and clear, with an accent that could equally likely be from either 1920s New York or 1920s Chicago.
   "What? I wasn't talking. You were talking." The villainous figure prided himself on his astonishingly smooth comebacks. "Why do you invade my privacy like this? Couldn't you read the hours on my office door?"
   "Ya don't have an office door."
   "SILENCE," commanded the gravelly voice of the elder figure in a rather childish manner. "Tell me why you have come at this hour."
   The younger boy grew nervous and began to stutter. "W-well, I guess I was just wonderin', ya know, when we're gonna go down there, like ya said, and do the destruction and all that stuff, like ya said we would, ya know...."
   "Please do shut your mouth, boy. Our time will come soon enough."
   "Well some of my buddies were gettin' tired of waiting... not me of course, by it's my buddies, ya see - they wanted me to get down here and-"
   "I TOLD YOU TO SHUT YOUR MOUTH."
   "Yeah, boss. Sorry, boss."
   "We cannot cross over to their mortal dimension until they get further into their journey."
   "Why is that, though? What difference would it make, ya know?"
   The elder figure rolled his eyes, though it was not visible in the complete darkness. "My boy, you're better than this. If we revealed ourselves now, it would ruin the pacing of the story!"

## MockingbirdInc

A dark, chilling wind gusted across the dwindling, spindly dead branches, past the crispy, falling dead leave of a muted palette, and through the bones of the three adventurers. A harsh fog swept through the ground of the forest, blurring the sight of the prickly nature of the deep woods. An unpleasant musk of rotting wood wafted through the humid, dense air, raisin the hairs off of Little Agent's hairless, boney back.
His eyes darted nervously around the area as he cautiously stepped forward. "D-d-don't worry, guys - there's nothing here but flying french fries!" He stammered in an attempt to lighten the mood. "Won't that be, er, fulfillingly, fantastically, and, uh, euuuuphorically fun?"
"I've been thinking -" Best Welsh Buddy noted, "sure, they're flying french fries, but aren't they also supposed to be freaky?"
"Like, how freaky is 'freaky?'" She continued to wonder aloud, "Like, 'Ukranian-kid's-show-mascot-design freaky', or 'haunt-your-nightmares-for-years-to-come-filling-you-with-nothing-but-intense-despairing-fear-for-all-eternity freaky?'"
"Let's not think about that now." Little Agent suggesting with a passive-aggressive tone, insinuating his wish remain distracted.
"We'll find out soon enough." He grimly muttered under his breath.
"Honestly, french fries by themselves were already enough to freak me out." Daddy Potato mentioned. "When I was a kid, whenever you went outside, you always had to be aware of anthropomorphized french fries capturing you with a giant fishing net and taking you to their evil lair to grind your bones into chocolate milk."
"I'll check the history books, but I'm pretty sure that's never happened to anybody in the history of ever." Little Agent declared.
"What kind of neighborhood did you grow up in?" Best Welsh Buddy asked.
"You'll never make it." A deep, dark voice suddenly declared.
"What was that?!?" Little Agent gasped.
"You're worthless." Another voice echoed. It came from a nearby tree, but no figured could be discerned from the intense shadow the forest set.
"Nobody loves you." Another entity spoke. The speaker stepped forward to reveal itself, sitting upon a dead tree limb.
Daddy Potato gasped. *"You!"*

“What?! Who?!” Little Agent asked frantically, sweeping across the forest.
“‘Hoo’ is exactly the word, Little Agent.” Daddy Potato responded grimly. “They’re the Owls of Self-Doubt.”
“What the brick does that even mean?!” Best Welsh Buddy screeched.
“You’ll never fulfill your dreams.” Declared another menacing owl from behind them.
“I’ve met their kind before.” Daddy Potato growled. “They tell you a bunch of demeaning and insulting things, hoping to hurt you - not all unlike your common Internet troll.
“They’re native to these forests. Don’t let their words get to you - they feed off of anxiety.”
“They must target teenagers a lot, then.” Little Agent quietly uttered.
“Don’t worry -“ Daddy Potato instructed, “it’s like mentioning @everyone and telling them they’re beautiful - it’s generally so vague and impersonal you won’t actually get any meaning from it.”
“Your Beanie Baby investment will never yield any recognizable profit.” Another owl cruelly cooed with a silky voice from the trees.
“Hey!” Daddy Potato shouted. “I resent that!”
“Let’s just try to get out of here as soon as possible - the sooner the better.” Little Agent suggested.
The team nodded and then began to run forward, shoving loose branches and limbs out of their pathway, their pounding footsteps muffled by the woods’ excessive undergrowth and the echoing voices of emotionally-destructive owls chanting insults as they ran past.

However, the team *never* could have been prepared for what would happen next.
Or maybe they would. I mean, you never really can tell with this story.

## ultraagent03

"It's been two years, Lady Narwhal. You just have to face it. They're not coming back." Lord Tigress was on the verge of tears thinking about the probably horrible fate of her brother and nephew.
   The worst part wasn't accepting that they were gone - it was not knowing why. Did they lose a game of Mario Kart to Mr. Dentist? Did they encounter an entirely unexpected patch of quicksand? Did they annoy Best Welsh Buddy so intensely she incinerated them with a single glare?
   It could be any of the above.
   "You don't think I KNOW that?" exclaimed Lady Narwhal. "Excuse me for finding it hard to ACCEPT that one day I lived a completely normal life with my family, and then some dragon came and took them away from us. Excuse me for finding it hard to ACCEPT that you're the only person I have left. Maybe Mandarin Orange made the right decision leaving the team."
   "Do you think this has been EASY for me? I've had to take care of you, BY MYSELF, for the past two years, while fighting an evil empire."
   "I just... I just wish none of this had happened. I wish the six of us could be together again. I wish we never found out about that dumb prophecy."
   Lord Tigress hugged her little sister, trying to comfort her. "I wish that too. But we have to move forward. There's no way we're ever gonna stop Mr. Dentist from getting all 12 of the Bricks without you on this team."

...

   Daddy Potato opened his eyes. The sky was very bright. The ground was very hard. It was a generally unpleasant experience. He turned his head and saw his son, still unconscious.
   "Thank goodness you're finally up!" The unmistakable voice of Best Welsh Buddy came from somewhere behind him. "I thought I'd have to find my way out of here all alone!"
   "What happened? What's wrong with Little Agent?" Daddy Potato was concerned with the entire situation, and rightfully so.
   "I have absolutely no clue. I just remember the three of us falling into that entirely unexpected patch of quicksand, and ending up here. I'm sure Little Agent will wake up, just like you. But I have something to show you." Best Welsh Buddy pulled out her phone.
   "...It's been two years?"

## MockingbirdInc

Daddy Potato stepped back, startled by the date plainly printed on wife’s device. His mind began to race. How could two years have passed so quickly? The excitement he encountered felt as if it had only occurred a couple days ago – *certainly* not two whole years.

Overwhelmed by the seemingly impossible bit of information, he began to laugh. His laughs were loud and expressed intense amusement, but his eyes gave no indication of humor. “Ahahahahahaha! Good one, my Welsh Buddo!”
He chuckled.
“Don’t call me ‘Welsh Buddo.’” Best Welsh Buddy reprimanded with a harsh glare. “And I’m not joking.”

Daddy Potato’s forced laugh slowly faded away as the full realization set in. It had been two years. There was no telling how the world had changed. Had they failed their mission? Anything could have happened!

“S-so what happened while we were gone?” He stuttered.

Best Welsh Buddy glanced at her phone and responded, “Well, from what I can infer from these articles, the world’s pretty much fallen apart.”

Daddy Potato gasped. “Oh no! The Lords of Evil must have succeeded in their nefarious quest!”

“What? Oh, no, just, like, *regular* the-world’s-falling-apart stuff. I don’t see anything about them.”

“Oh, thank goodness.” Daddy Potato sighed in relief. “My! I wonder how meme culture’s changed over the past two years! I doubt spaghet is still relevant… just as long as Pickle Rick is no longer a meme, I’d say we’re all okay.”

“Focus!” Best Welsh Buddy shouted, exasperated. “What about your son?!”

Daddy Potato glanced over at Little Agent, who was lying expressionlessly on the ground. He gasped and dropped to his knees before shaking his son awake.

“Wake up!” The scared spud screamed. “Wake up!”

Little Agent stirred, mumbling “Five more minutes…”

*“You’ve gotten more than two years of sleep! We probably all have disuse atrophy now! Get the brick up!!!”* He exclaimed hysterically.

Little Agent finally opened his eyes. “…two years?” He asked.

*“Two years!!”* Daddy Potato screamed once more. “My librarian is gonna kill me!”

“Wait! Wait!” Best Welsh Buddy yelled. “What happened to Tigress and Narwhal?!?”

Daddy Potato’s eyes widened in fear. Where *were* they?