D&D Season 5B

Hello, everyone. While this is still part of Season 5, I figured that, given how large this writeup turned out to be, it warranted its own page. I mean, after that masterpiece of a trailer, it obviously deserved one.

Now, you all know why you’re here. Let’s cut the bullshit and get straight into it. It’s the beginning of the end. Strap yourselves in, dim the lights, grab some popcorn and a sodie pop, and enjoy.

## Episode LXXX: Rambo's Big Break

We last left our heroes at the volcano. They had obtained the knowledge that they seeked, as well as their destination: Maldir. Gulliman casually explained that he and Maldir’s king are “more than friends”, which very much confused Mazora and Kelery, and Tedcrag just shook his head and clarified that Robute is the king’s brother. They rode west for many days, until they came upon a river that they could not cross. They followed the river south, and after three days found a bridge with a nearby castle. They could see that the crest was similar to that of the twin cities of Gamallius.

Before they could cross, they heard a twig crack in the nearby forest. “Halt!” a young man’s nervous voice yelled out. “What do you want, kid?” Gulliman replied gruffly. Mazora, trying to be diplomatic, approached the boy. Through their quick talk, Mazora learned that the kid was from the 3rd Illusari Empire. Mazora tried to continue the cover story he’d given the elves two episodes ago, that they were enforcers looking to cash in a bounty.

This was a mistake.

“Enforcers?! *Guards!*” the boy summoned a troop of soldiers who emerged from the forest at his call. With arrows, they pelted our four heroes until they lay there on the ground, dead. Mazora did not feel the fourth arrow, only the cold…

...embrace of death as life faded from Mazora’s eyes. But Mazora could still sense *something*, and though Mazora could not see, a heavenly voice called out.

“So, you must be *Mazora*…” the voice said.

Mazora could only wonder what beautiful man this voice belonged to, as the voice continued.

“I’ve got a lot of work to do, so I’m going to make this quick. I’m the scribe that writes down the adventures of you and the others, and when things go wrong, I… *improvise* and come up with shit on my own. However, I have a feeling there'll be a lot of times coming up that I’d need to improvise, which could stretch my creativity and free time to their absolute limits. So, unless I have something good in mind, I’m going to skip out on doing hilarious improvisations. Apologies. Now, without further ado, all you have to do is say the magic words to go back in time.”

“K,” Mazora said. “But... what are the magic words?”

“Little high, little low, little… hm. You know what, no. That worked for a bit, but it’s just too long. From now on, all you have to do is say or think the word ‘roads’.”

“...Roads?” Mazora’s head tilted inquisitively.

“*Roads?!*” the scribe’s voice replied in a haughty manner, as if offended that Mazora would ever say such a thing. “Where we’re going, we don’t need roads!”

With that, the theme song of the best movie of all time played, and time reverted.

[Translation of the above nonsense: inspiration AUs will only happen if I have a good idea for it, otherwise we just cut to magic words and right back to the writeup proper. Not only do I have like a fuckton of chapters to write, but I feel like most of the AUs were getting a bit forced at this point anyway, and this will allow the pacing of more serious chapters to not be undercut by paragraphs of memes and hahas. We thank you for your understanding and hope you enjoy the rest of Beecher Writeups® Season 5B]

Mazora was back by the bridge, and was once again asked by the boy who they were. Mazora pondered for a moment, and thought that saying “enforcers” might send the wrong message. He had another idea, one based on slightly altering the truth. “We are diplomats on a mission to meet King Dorvoth of Maldir. We just need to pass through, and apologize for the trouble.”

The boy seemed mostly persuaded. “On whose authority?” he asked, just to make sure.

“The emperor of Hydraco,” Mazora replied. He showed some diplomatic papers from Hydraco he’d been given by Kelery, and this seemed to reassure the boy enough. “Looks legit to me. Carry on.”

And so our merry bunch went on their way. Not long after crossing the bridge, Mazora spotted a peculiar mound of dirt in the middle of the plains. Mazora’s curiosity could not be quenched. He approached it, and then stuck his sword through it (???). When he pulled out his sword, he was shocked to find blood on the end. Had he just killed an innocent creature? Perhaps a child had been playing inside? Thoughts like that raced through Mazora’s head, as he and the others shuffled the dirt around to uncover who was inside.

Fortunately, the person was already long since dead. Not so fortunately, under this mound of dirt were the bodies of severed limbs of at least three people. Wisely, the group decided that whatever this shit is was none of their business, and so they continued on the path. Many more days passed, and luckily they made it through what was once cannibal territory without incident.

Eventually they came upon another river, and soon after found a barge that they were able to take across. The barge was located inside a ghost town, that our group made sure to enter and exit as quickly as possible. After crossing the river, they left the barge and went further west. They were most of the way to Maldir now, just a few more days of horseback riding through plains remained.

One night, they set up camp like they would any other day. Kelery took Mazora aside and had a secret conversation away from the LB’s ears, and Tedcrag and Gulliman had a conversation of their own, talking about how they hoped they’d find Esir at Maldir.

During the night, while Gulliman was on guard duty, Mazora and Tedcrag fell into a familiar trance.

**Histoire 3 Chapitre 2: Réflexions sur Joker (Deux Mille Dix-Neuf)?**

Bernie et Jack étaient dans la tour d'Elizabeth. Elizabeth a utilisé la clé pour s'échapper. "Nous devons la poursuivre!" Dit Bernie. Jack a éjaculé. C'est littéralement tout ce qui s'est passé.

**Fin**

Later that night, Mazora was on guard duty. Mazora spotted someone heading towards the camp. He breathed in to let out a warning for the others, but felt a blade pressed to his throat.

“Drop. Lay.” A menacing voice spoke to him in one-word sentences. Mazora complied, and saw lots of men on horses suddenly appear from various hiding places. They entered the camp and into the tents of the other three who were sleeping, rudely waking them up and putting them into captivity. Mazora was also bound, and our four heroes were taken captive by these well-built men with no shirts and leather pants, traveling on horseback.

“Who are you?” Mazora asked at one point.

“We are Kunjun. You are ignorant,” was the only reply he received.

After some time, they arrived at a camp filled with various small huts, and a large treasure pile in the center containing gold and other valuables. The group’s weapons, including their swords, guns, and trinkets, were taken and thrown onto the pile. The four were lined up and ordered to strip. In order to strip, they had to be unbound, and they were. The very second Kelery was unbound, Kelery made a dash for it and fight his way out. He was vastly outnumbered, however, and he was knocked unconscious by a blow to the head. The other three raised no issue, stripping and being given some slave clothing. They were brought to someone who appeared to possibly be their leader: a female dwarf.

For reasons unknown, the female dwarf singled out Mazora to come with her, and the other two were taken to a tent filled with other prisoners/slaves. Once inside, they saw Kelery bound up in the center, having been beaten senseless. Gulliman was able to get him awake, and the three began to concoct an escape plan.

[Mazora had interactions with the dwarf that remain secret from the eyes of this scribe, but just know that their discussion went on for quite a while]

Back at the prisoner tent, Kelery was extremely insistent on escaping as fast as possible. In a display of racism that the Kunjun would no doubt describe as “ignorant”, he automatically feared the worst, saying that these savages would kill them and possibly even eat them, and that they needed to escape as fast as dragonly possible. While Tedcrag and Gulliman were hesitant and wanted to wait things out, Kelery’s insistence won them over in the end, and they hatched a plan.

Kelery had grabbed a knife earlier in his previous tussle, and now he could use it to escape. Before setting things in motion, Gulliman tried to recruit a strong ally: a large, muscular man inside the tent. “Excuse me good sir, do you serve these men?” Gulliman asked.

The man answered him by kicking him in the stomach. “How do you like that, little man?” he said in a deep voice.

Gulliman picked himself up. He would not be dissuaded. “May I ask what you were doing before these men imprisoned you?”

The man shrugged. “Just travelling, really…”

Gulliman raised his eyebrow and gave the man a peculiar look. “Say… what if you had the opportunity to… continue your travels?”

The man just blinked a few times. “You some kind of smart guy or something? What are you talking about, little man?”

At this point, Kelery and Tedcrag chimed in and explained things in a language the man could understand. Once he understood, the man wanted in.

The plan was as follows: Kelery would bolt out of the room and cause a distraction. In the commotion, the big man [we’ll call him “Rambo”] would pretend to escort Tedcrag and Gulliman somewhere else, but in actuality lead them towards the weapons pile, where they could reclaim their weapons. If they got the guns, it was game over for the enemy. They’d have the technological superiority and would be able to get Mazora, the rest of their shit, and leave.

They enacted the plan. Kelery caused a huge ruckus and they could immediately hear five or six guards outside chasing after him. After a few moments, Rambo grabbed a bed rag that a poor old man was sleeping on and gave it to Tedrag to cover himself. The trio exited the tent, and Rambo guided them around. They seemed to go through unnoticed, and at a certain point Rambo got the two of them close to the pile, but had to depart himself. The two had to sneak for the remaining distance. Even without his trusty stealth boots and stealth magic, Gulliman was able to make it to the pile without being spotted, as did Tedcrag.

Everyone then saw a large fire in the distance, and more and more guards running over towards it. Kelery, it had to be. At the pile, there were three guards chilling next to it. Gulliman pushed the large pile over to the left and grabbed an axe from it, and Tedcrag pushed it over to the right and dislodged a sword. With the pile fully knocked over, one of the guns fell at Gulliman’s feet, and he grabbed it as well.

The guards, of course, didn’t take too kindly to this turn of events, and raised some alarm. Gulliman pulled another sword from the pile and tossed it to Rambo, who was nearby. *“Freedom!”* Rambo yelled, running towards the woman’s tent to free them before they could be taken hostage. Tedcrag and Gulliman followed, with Gulliman killing two guards that got too close.

Before they could make it to the tent, the three of them were frozen in place. **“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?”** a booming female voice yelled at them, and they saw it was the dwarf. Mazora came strolling out next to her, looking in horror at the chaos around him.

There wasn’t much they could say in this kind of situation, but Mazora simply couldn’t contain his disbelief. “You fucking idiots! She was going to let us go, you morons!”

Tedcrag and Gulliman gave each other a silent look, a look that in a single second conveyed “This fucking guy. How were we supposed to know that? You can’t blame us for trying to escape and not die.” But of course, they said nothing. They could only listen as both the dwarf and Mazora gave them an earful.

The dwarf decided to punish Rambo in particular for trying to initiate a slave revolt. Tedcrag and Gulliman tried to defend Rambo, who’d really just been strung along by their plans, but she wasn’t hearing it. Rambo was taken off to god-knows-where for god-knows-what punishment. Fortunately for the other two, it seems most of the dwarf’s rage had subsided at that point. After a bit of a back-and-forth, the dwarf decided that she would let them go. She even gave them back all their gear! The trio set off, with Mazora just shaking his head at the other two as they set off.

Of course, there was still the issue of Kelery. The trio came upon him being chased by a comically large horde of 15-20 horsemen following him. With some impressive evasion, Kelery managed to escape the horde and reunited with the others, and they promptly continued on their journey.

## Episode LXXXI: The Mage and the Tiefling

We find our group only hours away from the camp. Mazora was still furious at Tedcrag and Gulliman, but Kelery calmed him down, explaining that the escape was his plan, after all. And while Mazora thought the other two to be clowns, there was still the matter of the absolute clownery that was allowing an entire squad of natives to sneak up on their camp and imprison them to begin with. Mazora eventually conceded to their point of view and dropped the subject.

For the rest of their journey, the group would do night shifts in pairs instead of solo, just to be extra safe. They made it to the dwarven kingdom without incident, coming upon a familiar sight for the LB: the enormous line to get back into the city. Compared to last time, there were far more barricades, what with the whole civil war that had happened. Gulliman realized he could probably skip the large line by using papers from Dorvoth.

Kelery noticed this, and grabbed the papers and waved them in the air, loudly flaunting them as he pushed his way through the line. “Make way, citizens! Make way!” The other three followed his trail and they were in front of the line in no time. Sure enough, they were allowed entry, and they headed straight towards the palace.

They arrived at the old capital, which was still pretty fucked up from the goblin horde and the ensuing civil war, but it was slowly and steadily being rebuilt. A day later, they arrived in Mariven proper. The palace guard ordered them to “Halt!”

“I am Tim Higgins! Here, have this document,” Gulliman said quite casually, handing over the document to the confused guard. Luckily, Dorvoth knew of his brother's false identity, so they were able to have an audience with the king. Kelery stood outside while the other three waited in the usual throne room to meet him. After waiting a few hours, Dorvoth appeared. He was shocked to see Gulliman alive and well after everything had gone down with Prahringerr, and the two had a dramatic reunion and embrace.

Then, from the shadows, he appeared. Tedcrag and Gulliman gasped, while Mazora did not react. The man who had appeared was familiar to them. His brown hair had turned mostly grey, and his face was that of a battle-hardened warrior who’d seen a lifetime's worth of trauma. His mage robes were tattered and dirty, but still intact. He looked way different, but it was Esir, in the flesh!

Gulliman ran toward him and hugged him as well. Tedcrag also walked up to him and the two exchanged a handshake. Esir smiled, but then he looked around the room.

“Wait...... where’s Gralak?” he asked.

“I was wondering this as well,” Dorvoth chimed in, looking around the room expectantly.

They were met with a deafening silence from Tedcrag and Gulliman. Tedcrag simply shook his head, and after a few moments he said “...Gralak didn’t make it.”

Esir and Dorvoth could hardly believe it. Dorvoth seemed saddened, but Esir looked *devastated*. It was at this moment that Esir realized something else was very, very wrong. He looked at Tedcrag and Gulliman, and he saw that a powerful magical force of some kind was enveloping them.

Esir was silent for a few moments. He then turned to Mazora, the only unfamiliar entity in the room. “Who’s this?” he asked the two of them in a very serious tone.

“Captain Mazora Draphelia!” Mazora introduced himself

“..........Captain of what?” Esir answered in a soft monotone.

“The Hydraconian army!” Mazora cheerfully replied.

Before Mazora even finished saying the word "army", Esir raised his hand and his trinket glowed. He began forcefully choking Mazora with magic. He angrily pointed towards Tedcrag and Gulliman, while still looking at Mazora with a primal fury in his eyes. “*WHAT DID YOU DO THEM? DID YOU KILL GRALAK?*”

To clear up this misunderstanding, Gulliman walked over to Esir and whispered in his ear: “No, not him, but… *they killed Gralak in cold blood.*”

At that very moment, Gulliman’s head exploded. But for some reason, the last electrical impulse that ran through his brain was the word “Roads...?” and time reverted.

Esir still had a magical deathgrip on Mazora, who was gasping for air. Esir demanded answers for Gralak’s death and Tedcrag’s and Gulliman’s predicament. Mazora indignantly reached for his gun. “*Fuck*… *you*…” he gasped. But Esir noticed this, and magically disarmed Mazora and confiscated the gun.

At this point, the stunned Tedcrag and Gulliman realized they needed to calm things down and fast, but of course they were quite torn. Esir was their close friend and understandably angry at Gralak’s death, and although they *did* trust Mazora, a small and bitter part of them felt vindicated at seeing a Hydraconian soldier being punished for what happened to Gralak. Furthermore, if Esir knew about the vows that had been placed on them, then perhaps he could…

...but they were getting mentally sidetracked, and they realized their brains could explode if they took this train of thought any further. Finally, after way too much hesitation, they began speaking in Mazora’s defense. Gulliman explained that Gralak’s death was not Mazora's fault, and he had simply been escorting them on their journey. Tedcrag chimed in with another important point, telling Esir that Mazora was one of the few people in the world, along with themselves of course, who knew how to pilot the fighters.

At long last, Mazora was released from the chokehold. After gasping for air for a few seconds, he looked at the LB with a mixed look of anger and sadness. He felt betrayed by their relative inaction and allowing Esir to do that to him for so long. But at least for right now, this feeling of betrayal was overpowered by his newfound hatred for Esir. Tedcrag and Gulliman didn’t really bother defending themselves, partly due to empathizing with Esir's point of view and partly due to just not knowing what to say.

Mazora demanded his guns back, and Esir refused outright. The two still did not trust each other one bit. But they realized they had more important matters at hand. Despite some very high tensions, it was agreed that they would continue on their mission tomorrow and head for the ship. Esir stormed out of the room angrily, and Dorvoth went with him. Kelery was allowed in soon after. Mazora vented his anger and frustration to Kelery, who promptly hid his gun on his person after learning Mazora’s had been confiscated, and the two of them excused themselves to a private room to have a dialogue.

Gulliman happened to overhear part of their secret conversation, and he did not like what he heard. Staying cautious, he and Tedcrag retired in another room nearby. They all went to sleep, very anxious after the night’s events…

...Tedcrag and Gulliman were quietly rustled awake by Esir, who beckoned them to follow him. They did as he asked. Bringing them back down to the main room, he simply told them: “You are free. I lifted the vows.”

While very cautious at first (I mean, it is called an *unbreakable* vow), the two tested Esir’s words and they were proven true! They were beyond relieved to be free of such a burden, and thanked him profusely. But Esir had no time for that; he needed answers. To the best of their knowledge, Ted and Robute explained everything that had happened since Esir had parted with Gralak. This included what Robute had overheard earlier, as well as the weapon that Kelery had hidden on his person.

Happy to be reunited and able to speak freely, Gulliman inquired Esir about the possibility of cloning Gralak with some sort of future technology, using a lock of his hair. Both Tedcrag and Esir exchanged a knowing look, and calmed down Gulliman who was on the brink of tears. All three of them knew there was no way to bring him back, as much as it hurt. At long last, Tedcrag explained what he knew about Prahringerr’s plans, including the fact that Nindrith (full of Sherry’s lore knowledge) was on his way to return to him as they spoke. Esir thought for a moment, and realized the situation was out of their hands at this point.

There was one last important matter to settle: what were they going to do with Kelery and Mazora? Free from their vows, Ted and Gulliman no longer had any obligation to continue traveling with them, and could cut them loose. But for better or worse, they felt they could trust Mazora. After much deliberation, it was decided that Kelery would be put in a trance and locked up, while Tedcrag and Robute would attempt to reason with Mazora and come to some sort of mutual arrangement. Esir, still angry, warned them that if they weren't able to reason with Mazora, he would be taking matters into his own hands.

Without giving them any time to prepare, Esir brought a very confused Mazora down to talk with the other two, and left them alone while he dealt with Kelery. Mazora, after coming to his senses, lashed out once more at Tedcrag and Gulliman for not defending him. They were apologetic, and knew that they were in the wrong, but explained their side of the story: that Esir was a close friend that they’ve known for many years, and that it was difficult to immediately jump in and say one was wrong over the other. They apologized again for their inaction, and for saying things in the moment that they did not truly mean.

This didn’t subside Mazora’s anger that much, so they switched to a new tactic: explaining the truth about Prahringerr and the horrible things he’s done. Tedcrag had to vividly detail what went down in the elven capital, and stressed that while Prahringerr was his closest friend back in the day, he could not condone the kind of ruler he had become. Furthermore, the Prahringerr he knew would never free the slave races such as the lizards and tieflings.

It took some convincing, but Mazora was eventually swayed. Betraying his country was no small task, and in doing so, it was time for him to be honest with himself. Or, rather... herself. Taking off her Hydraconian armor and letting her long hair down, Mazora revealed her true identity to the others: that, of a female tiefling. As you’d expect, Tedcrag and Gulliman did not catch on right away. Tedcrag, not knowing much about tieflings, thought that perhaps long-haired men were significant in tiefling culture.

After a bit of nudging from God himself, Mazora was forced to tell the two boneheads straight-out that she was a woman. The two were understandably taken a back for a moment at the revelation, but quickly accepted it, as it didn’t make any difference to them. They respected the trust she had just put in them, and the three put all their past issues aside and looked to the future as a renewed trio. A strong bond had forged between them; while Mazora could never replace Gralak, the two considered her to be part of the LBG from this point forward.

As a show of good faith, Tedcrag and Gulliman also explained a bit of their own backstories that Mazora had not previously been privy to. With everything settled, they prepared to head to Basdun the next day. Tensions were still high between Mazora and Esir, but Ted and Robute managed to keep the peace. They spent a long time heading there, and noticed along the way that all the goblin bodies were gone. They arrived at Basdun proper, and Dorvoth told Robute that there’s someone he’d like him to meet.

This person was none other than Orillio, who bull-rushed out of the tent when he heard Gulliman’s voice! It turns out Mel’s story of his survival had been true, after all! He and Gulliman had a moving embrace. When Gulliman asked him how he made it out of the elven capital, Orillio explained that a certain person had pulled him out of the rubble. He then introduced this person: Saavra Sabre [played by surprise fourth player Celia!]. Introductions were shared all around, and Saavra explained a little bit about herself, and that she had left her homeland in the desert and had found herself traveling ever since, until eventually meeting Orillio, then Esir, and eventually learning the secrets of the world and the extraterrestrial threat.

It took over 80 episodes, but quite the team had amassed itself together. Tedcrag of Hydraco. Robute Gulliman. Mazora Draphelia. Saavra Sabre. The powerful mage Esir. King Dorvoth II. And the elven master Orillio. They’d lost many allies along the way, but now they were all in one place. Could these united heroes gather enough allies and resources to defeat the extaterrestrials? Find out… right now!

## Episode LXXXII: The Mystery of Arctic Command

With introductions aside, the LBG and the others had a roundtable discussion about their immediate plans. The bottom line was that they needed people to pilot the fighters, and these people would need to take simulations. Dorvoth had many dwarves at his disposal to train, but the issue was that they had no access to any simulators. It was decided that our heroes would head to the UN Arctic base to locate some simulators and possibly learn new info there as well. Meanwhile, Esir would do what he could in the meantime and Dorvoth would gather some allies.

But first...

**Histoire 3 Chapitre 3: C'est bizarre. Ils ont rétréci ses épaules, l'ont fait paraître doux.**

Soudain, Bernie, Jack la bite, Elizabeth et maintenant un chameau étaient au sommet de la tour. La tour s'est effondrée. "Monte sur le chameau, on n'a pas le temps de t'expliquer!" Dit Bernie. Ils ont commencé à tomber; ils ont vu un skyhook mais aucun moyen de l'atteindre. Jack la bite a utilisé ses ... toiles ... pour faire des toiles sur le crochet et pour se fixer.

Ils se sont écrasés sur la plage. Peut-être que Bernie s'est cogné la tête trop fort, car maintenant il avait la voix d'un vétéran grisonnant.

C'était le dernier chapitre français, c'est comme ça que ça se termine. Je ne sais pas si quelqu'un se donne la peine de les traduire pour les lire, alors si vous le faites, merci d'avoir fait un effort supplémentaire et passez une belle journée. Au revoir.

**Fin**

With that business thankfully forever done with, the main campaign resumed. Our heroes, being Ted, Robute, Mazora, Saavra, and a human named Ditto (pronounced “Dido”, not like the Pokemon), all boarded a dropship that would quickly take them to UN Arctic Command in a matter of hours. Before they departed, Esir returned Mazora’s two guns reluctantly, with the caveat that Tedcrag carry one of them. This was a compromise reached after private deliberations between Ted, Gulliman, and Esir. Mazora wasn’t happy with this, but she agreed to go along with it for the sake of keeping the peace. Gulliman, meanwhile, was given Kelery’s confiscated machine gun.

Everyone was given insulated flight suits, but there were none in a dwarf’s size, so he was instead given platinum armor lined with fur. The ship took off. It was a bumpy ride, and Mazora, having never flown in anything outside of simulations, was spooked. Ditto seemed to be very shy, and Saavra helped break the ice between her and the others.

Eventually, the dropship approached the base but came upon a storm. It couldn’t land, so everyone would have to jump out. The suits were flight suits, so they would be fine; all except for Gulliman, who was haphazardly strapped to Mazora’s back. They wasted no more time, and one by one all jumped out of the dropship into the blizzard.

They were immediately hit with horrible cold, even in their suits. This rang especially true for Tedcrag and Mazora, who were used to hot temperatures, and Gulliman, who wasn’t but had no insulated suit. It was a long fall, and Tedcrag stabilized his flight suit quite quickly. The rest had some issues. They all tumbled down in freefall, but the wind was too strong and the snow was pelting them, and warning signs flashed all over their HUDs.

At the very last minute, Saavra and Ditto were able to stabilize themselves, but Mazora was not so lucky. Mazora accidentally triggered her suit’s boosters, propelling them further downward. Mazora, with Gulliman in tow, crashed into the snow and died instantly. Fortunately for them, the piles of snow that came up from their impact landed in such away that it spelled out the word “ROADS” in braille.

Time reverted, and Mazora once again attempted to stabilize herself, but it was difficult with the wind, the snow, and a dwarf on her back. At the last possible second, she managed to do it and land safely in the snow. But while they had safely landed, they were far from being safe. The blizzard was strong, and they could only see each other’s locations thanks to a minimap on their HUD, and hear each other thanks to the comms. Poor Gulliman couldn’t hear or see a thing, and was quickly freezing to death.

Mazora spotted a red light about sixty feet away, and they trudged through the snow to get to it. They noticed more red lights in a row, and Tedcrag reasoned that this was a trail to light the way to the UN base. They followed it, and eventually came upon a pile of snow with a door under it. The door was sealed, with a small panel next to it. Gulliman was probably only minutes from death. They tried to use some spells to heat him up, but Saavra’s Sacred Flame wouldn’t work and Tedcrag’s fire breath… well, you can guess how successful that was.

They tried everything they could to get the door working, from using trinkets, to using the panel, to pulling on it with all their might. Nothing. In a desperate last effort, Tedcrag yelled “NUCER!” and the door opened. At last, they could make it inside into relative heat. Gulliman had stopped freezing to death.

But as they say, out of the frying pan, into the fire. Or I guess, out of the freezer, into the hive. Why a hive? Because right then and there, they could hear ominous buzzing heading straight in their direction. While it was dark inside with no power, they turned on their flashlights and saw a giant rotating mass of tiny swarming objects. Nanites. This was the source of the buzzing. There were also strange undead creatures following the swarm!

Tedcrag used fire breath, and to everyone’s surprised it worked! What’s more, it was effective in delaying the swarm of nanites! Saavra’s Sacred Flame could also now work because there was a creature to target, and together the two used fire attacks to keep the swarm at bay as they raced towards a nearby elevator to escape. Somehow, they made it, and the elevator went up further and further as they took it to the top level.

The doors opened, and they found themselves in some sort of air traffic control tower. They didn’t bother getting off, and then went all the way down to Sublevel 7. During the ride, Gulliman decided to look up “nanites”, and learned some more about them, seeing that it was a powerful weapon back in the day that was banned in warfare. Why it was at an abandoned facility they had no idea, perhaps some security measure gone awry.

At Sublevel 7 was a familiar sight for Gulliman and Tedcrag. It was much like a Pentagon security checkpoint from the Earth Arc. However, this time there were no robots, and the metal detectors were broken. In the room past, there was a hallway with cylinders, filled with all kinds of seeds. But not all of them had seeds; Saavra spotted one that had some sort of strange embryo in stasis, and she left it alone. Not finding anything of value, they went up to Sublevel 6, and found a big-ass door that required a human to enter. Thankfully they brought Ditto alone, as she was able to open the door by placing her hand upon a panel.

The door opened up to another long corridor. At the end was a grate with a pool of water underneath, and a cube on stilts above the water. It was sealed off, however, and they figured this must be a nuclear reactor. They headed back to the elevator once more, this time heading to Sublevel 5. There was another big-ass door, this one opened by a keycard. The door slowly and dramatically opened, and inside was a single stasis pod! Not only that, it still seemed to be powered, with a living person inside!

The pod had frozen over, so they wiped away the ice and knocked away the remaining icicles. The display read that this was none other than UN Commander Stacey Abrams! After a quick discussion, they decided to revive her. Gulliman pressed the big red “Emergency Dethaw” button [I don’t actually know if the button was big and red, but that’s my headcanon] and the pod slowly began to dethaw.

While this was happening, they looked further in the room. On a lower level, they saw hundreds of other pods in a lower area. What on venus had they just uncovered? But one thing at a time, and they turned their attention to the pod that was now opening, and Stacey Abrams slowly began to regain consciousness...

## Episode LXXXIII: The Star War, Part I

A 5’10” latina woman with black hair had awoken. Her name was Stacey Abrams. Her eyes slowly stirred awake, and she hazily stepped out of the pod and stumbled to the ground. Ditto, the only human amongst the group, broke her fall and helped her, calming Stacey down as she slowly regained her senses. Ditto did her best to comfort her, and then Gulliman chimed in. When Stacey turned to see the dwarf, she let out a surprised yelp, saying “What the hell is that?!”

Everyone else, who had the luxury of hiding their species inside the flight suits, slowly took turns acquainting her with the current situation. Saavra explained to her that they needed her help, and let the bomb drop that Stacey had been asleep for millions of years. Understandably, Stacey flipped out upon hearing this, and pulled a gun on Saavra. Saavra apologies profusely and managed to talk her down, ending off with a heartfelt salute and bow.

Over the next few minutes, they slowly explained everything. The extraterrestrials taking out Earth, all civilizations that she knew of being gone, and their inevitable return. When Stacey learned of that last point, she couldn’t help but laugh hysterically at the irony. Millions of years in stasis, and they woke her up just so she could witness more death and devastation? What a sick joke.

The back-and-forths continued for a while, and eventually Stacey was willing to cooperate and help them out. And really, what other choice did she have? They explained their need of simulators, but Stacey explained that the simulators were not portable, so the dwarves would have to come to Arctic Command. Quite an inconvenience, but not impossible. At this point, Stacey began to open up the rest of the pods, helping each individually get acquainted. This took a long time, and once all had been awoken, she addressed them all with a speech while our group waited outside and gave them privacy.

After Stacey’s speech, they had one more conversation with her. They asked for the location of a hangar so that the pilot could pick them up, and she also disabled the nanites for them. They bid a temporary farewell, heading to the hangar and signaling the pilot. They left and swiftly returned to Basdun; Esir was waiting for them at the platform, and they explained everything to him.

Not long after, Dorvoth took his brother aside for a heart-to-heart. Their private conversation lasted several minutes, before Tedcrag too was summoned into the room. Dorvoth explained a very inconvenient situation to Tedcrag. The situation? Who else but Prahringerr.

Behind closed doors and through some sort of communication channel, Dorvoth and Prahringerr had brokered a deal in the interest of world peace and stopping the extraterrestrials. Prahringerr, with space-faring resources that equaled or exceeded that of Dorvoth’s, agreed to help with the inevitable fight, and promised not to conquer his kingdom or anything like that.

But he had one condition: Tedcrag must be handed over to him after the battle’s end. Kelery would naturally be freed, as well. It seems that somehow, Prahringerr had learned of their location and possibly even freedom from the vow, or perhaps Dorvoth had just admitted it to him. And this condition was absolute; should Tedcrag “go missing” after the battle, Prahringerr swore to Dorvoth that he would “turn the world over” looking for him.

Tedcrag took this news understandably roughly, and stood there for a few minutes in deep contemplation. He and Prahringerr, the two young dragons who grew up together in that humble village, identical in their wish to stop the extraterrestrials but drastically different in their methods. Ever since that fateful day in the elven capital, it seemed the two would forever be at odds. After a long while, Tedcrag finally sighed, and said: “Okay. If that is what it takes to ensure peace and stop the extraterrestrials, then that is what I must do.”

Dorvoth was deeply appreciative of Tedcrag’s acceptance, but Gulliman was visibly upset. After departing Dorvoth’s room, Gulliman angrily vented about Prahringerr as they approached Mazora and Saavra, who were waiting nearby. Mazora asked what Gulliman looked angry about and Tedcrag looked upset about, and they explained the gist of the situation. Saavra could tell this conversation was a bit of a private matter, so she left the three of them be and go played with her falcon.

While Tedcrag just stood there coming to terms with his new future, Gulliman and Mazora brainstormed possible ways to prevent this. Gulliman suggested various strategies, the most drastic being taking a ship and bombing the elven capital. Tedcrag immediately shut that shit down; if he did that, it would be betraying everything he stood for, not to mention his oath to Rakavist to never use these technologies against the people of this planet. The only way out Tedcrag could think of was faking his own death, but there’d be no way to prove that and it was far too risky.

Gulliman then suggested making a nanite version of Tedcrag’s corpse to fool Prahringerr and potentially assassinate him, which both Mazora and Tedcrag paid attention to. However, they had no fucking clue how those nanites worked exactly and they figured it would be way too implausible. That, plus a stern reminder from God himself that Ted and Robute shouldn’t even be alive right now without his and Prahringerr’s mercy, made it so that Gulliman backed down from the idea. Tedcrag went back to his somber acceptance of his fate, and the matter was settled.

Many days passed, as the dwarves were taken to the simulators to, uh, simulate. There were various briefings and preparations that occurred over this timeframe, and on one night, the Hydraconians arrived. Tedcrag and the others made sure to keep their distance, and though tensions between the two factions were high, a shaky alliance was maintained.

At long last, the day of destiny arrived. Esir and the other leaders held a conference for everybody, explaining the plan one last time: to reach the monitoring station, fend off any sort of defenses it might have, and investigate it. After which, a small team (our heroes, of course), would investigate the mysterious Project Stellaris. With the investigation of these two places of great importance, they would surely find or learn something that could help turn the tides against the extraterrestrials, and stop the oncoming apocalypse dead in its tracks.

Contrary to prior seasons, the LBG were no longer in positions of leadership. Instead, speech-giving honors were given to Dorvoth, Prahringerr, and Esir, who had seemed to unanimously become the beloved figurehead and mastermind of this great mission. Everyone boarded their ships. As one, they all took flight and began to ascend towards the open sky. Engaging boosters, the fleets picked up speed, rising further and further. They all were higher up than they had ever been before, and it was quite the breathtaking sight to behold.

They accelerated. Mach 1. Mach 2. Mach 3. *Faster than the speed of sound.* At last, they saw the curvature of Venus. The echoing sentiment all around was that of intense nervousness, but a feeling of solidarity. Despite hailing from different backgrounds, different nations, and different races, in this fight they were all united. They all knew the weight of their mission, and realized what the must do. And if there was hypothetically any background music during this entire sequence, it would have been timed perfectly.

They made it out of the atmosphere. They were weightless. Everyone began reporting in. Giving out codenames that they had definitely decided beforehand, Mazora checked in as ~~LBG 1~~ Hunter Hunter. Saavra as Blue Phoenix. Tedcrag as Red Dragon. And Gulliman as Duran’s Spear. Many other names were given; the fleets were for the most part split into squadrons of six, with one leader and five squadmates following behind. Among the leaders were our four player-controlled heroes, of course, as well as Esir, Orillio, and others. Not to mention Prahringerr and Nindrith on the Hydraconian side as well. Speaking of which, the Hydraconian fleet was massive, and was a not-insignificant amount larger than that of the dwarves.

It wasn’t long before they reached the monitoring station. As they began their approach, it all seemed quiet and calm. They could see that it was covered in an oily black substance, which almost looked like it was moving and possibly even *living*. But without warning, two powerful beams of light blasted through the sky, eviscerating countless ships in an instant. There was mass panic over the radio. From the station, two large behemoth cruiser ships headed in the direction of the fleets.

Prahringerr, with his squadron of 10 fighters [he is **CHEATING!**], confidently gave the signal to attack. A colossal barrage of blasts fired from the Hydraconian army towards one of the cruisers, and it destroyed it! The Hydraconian army was not to be messed with, that much was clear. But it was too soon to celebrate. From behind the station, no more cruisers appeared, but instead hundreds of small fighters, much more mobile than the cruisers, heading straight for the fleets. A vicious space battle broke out, lasers and torpedoes firing from both sides, and it’s here where I’d suggest taking a quick breather and remembering that this campaign started with some guys hunting down bandits in a fantasy setting.

Back in the present, the ETs were quick to retaliate after losing a cruiser. Though they somewhat lacked in numbers compared to the combined allies’ fleet, they made up for it with technological advantages. Their ships were more mobile, could make sharp turns that would easily make any living being inside black out, and their weapons packed a serious punch. With combined attacks from our heroes’ squadrons, the remaining cruiser was focused down until it was on its last legs, and the rest of the dwarven army finished it off.

The battle raged. With a synchronized attack, Gulliman and Mazora wiped out a large host of smaller ET fighters. Upon closer inspection, it was clear that these small fighters were the exact same as the drones that took out multiple cities months prior.

Tedcrag was having an off day. Maybe it was bad luck, or maybe it was because real-life Tedcrag was feeling under the weather. He kept missing his shots, even missing heat-seeking missiles. How the hell do you miss with heat-seeking missiles? They're *heat-seeking*! Do you somehow press the button so sloppily that the missiles become unable to detect heat????? But thankfully, the rest of our heroes picked up the slack for him, taking out countless enemy fighters.

While this was going on, the dwarven army prepared a synchronized attack of their own. 110 dwarven fighters in total blasted their heat-seeking missiles at the enemy fleet, and dozens of extraterrestrial ships exploded into millions of

## Episode LXXXIV: The Star War, Part II

tiny pieces. The extraterrestrials were quick to retaliate, however, and there was much carnage on both sides. Our heroes’ squads began to feel the heat as well, and Saavra (who was using a much faster experimental fighter) lost a few of her squadmates.

To no one’s surprise, Tedcrag kept missing his shots. After missing heat-seeking missiles, it was now his turn to miss after spending a turn locking on. What a loser. But again, everyone else was making up for it with flying colors. Gulliman, Saavra, and Mazora fired away and blasted many ships to bits. Mazora annihilated a ship with double nat 20s, and full of adrenaline yelled “Suck my dick and choke on it! I yield my time; fuck you!” [Making it quite easy to date when this session took place].

Tedcrag finally managed to hit something, and he silently fist-pumped inside his fighter. With the combined efforts of our heroes and the two armies, the ET numbers were starting to dwindle, and there were no enemy reinforcements in sight. But they weren’t going down without a fight, as their ships became dangerously close to the ships of our heroes and started making sharp, seemingly impossible turns.

In particular, two ships targeted Mazora’s and Tedcrag’s ships. They managed to evasive maneuver and avoid any lasting damage, but some of their squads weren’t as lucky, losing two squad members each. Then, everyone’s heart stopped as a single enemy ship flew up *right behind Esir’s ship*. The typically collected Esir was visibly nervous. “Get this guy off me~~, Fox~~!” he yelled.

Attempting to heroically prevent the death of another close friend, Tedcrag took an incredibly sharp 90 degree turn to get the ship tailing Esir in his crosshairs. But the turn was just too sharp for him to handle, and he blacked out. But before passing out completely, he saw that his current speed was 88mph, and he took the road that allowed him to travel back in time. Not giving up, he made the 90 degree turn again, but blacked out again. Once more: 88mph, roads, best movie of all time, you get the drill. Recognizing that the turn was just too sharp to pull off, he reluctantly put his trust in the allies behind Esir to save his ass.

Instead, he shot at some of the turrets that the monitoring station had deployed; with the combined efforts of himself, Gulliman, and Saavra, they took out all but three of the turrets, which easily shattered like crystals upon feeling the slightest bit of firepower.

Esir’s squad was getting blasted by the enemy ship from behind, taking turns sacrificing themselves to protect their leader. Esir even did a barrel roll, but the thing was still on his tail. Orillio was trying to get an angle on it, but he couldn't do it without risking shooting Esir. Just when all hope seemed lost, an absolute legend NPC known only as "D16" shot the ship and saved Esir’s life. Esir thanked him over the radio and the LBG breathed a collective sigh of relief.

Another legend NPC played space chicken with a group of enemy ships, dodging them at the last second and wiping them all out with a surprise attack. With her experimental fighter, Saavra teleported and 360-noscoped the final few turrets. At this point, Mazora and Tedcrag were close to the station. Sure enough, the black gooey material was moving and seemed to be borderline organic. Tedcrag spotted a hangar entrance, and made note of it for later.

The Hydraconians weren’t to be forgotten, either. While they had lost Nindrith, who went out in a blaze of chadlike glory during one of the ET’s massive barrages, the emperor and his followers were still going strong. They shot another volley, wiping out most of the remaining fighters. Their numbers were getting real thin, now. Mazora tried to attack some fighters, but her previous luck with two nat 20’s came back to bite her in the ass, as she rolled two nat 1’s even with advantage. Instead of ET ships, she killed a few dwarven fighters. The allies nearby yelled out “Friendly fire!”

In absolute shame, Mazora emergency ejected herself from her fighter, succumbing to the cold vacuum of space. She wondered what would happen to her after death, and wondered what could have happened differently had she taken a different *road* in life.

All of a sudden, Mazora was back in her fighter with no memory of what had just happened. Instead of taking out a few dwarven fighters, she adjusted her aim and rolled two 11’s. It wasn’t enough to actually hit her targets, of course, but at least she didn’t kill any allies this time.

Meanwhile, after wiping out the monitoring station’s turrets, Tedcrag saw something he could never have believed. Through sheer happenstance, Prahringerr’s flagship was right in front of him. He looked down at his crosshairs, and sure enough, Prahringerr was dead in the center of them. Many thoughts raced through his mind. How the life of his childhood friend was unknowingly in his own hands, how everyone would react if he just moved his trigger finger a few inches backward, and if there was still any good left in Prahringerr. He thought back to some of the fonder memories they’d had back in the day. Their childhood as close friends; brothers, even. When Prahringerr had told him of his ambitions of becoming emperor, and Tedcrag not taking him seriously. Their farewell when Tedcrag went to find his father, and their touching reunion in the emperor’s palace. Finally, a cheerful dinner with the emperor and his wife, with no revelations about the emperor’s secrets to be had.

Tedcrag then found himself inside a pyramid. It was a beautiful garden. Gulliman and Gralak were with him, waiting for his next move. In his hand was a small device, and Tedcrag couldn’t stop himself from holding it up and saying into it the name of his god: “*Kulichi*”.

The device activated, and it beeped. It beeped again. And again. Tedcrag thought of Prahringerr unconvincingly denying his knowledge of the blast radius. Another beep. He thought of Rakavist’s face when he learned of Prahringerr’s true nature. Beep. He thought of Zenith, dying in vain because of a plan gone horribly wrong, only for *this* to be the end result. Beep. He found Gralak’s dead body by the riverside; naked, scarred, mutilated, and burned. The beeps got louder and faster. He saw himself in chains, with Prahringerr looking down with disappointment at his former friend and loudly shouting that the elves were cheating.

Beep.

Finally, Tedcrag was at the docks. He was pushed to the ground by a powerful force and saw a bright flash of white light. Turning around, he saw with horror the massive mushroom cloud. How many civilians dead in an instant? Hundreds of thousands? ...Millions? And all by Prahringerr’s own hand…... no, that’s incorrect. Tedcrag found himself back at the pyramid one last time, the device still in his hand. It wasn’t Prahringerr’s hand, it was his own. This time, instead of saying “Kulichi”, he angrily crushed the device in his bare hand, and it felt as easy as pulling a trigger.

A moment later, Tedcrag found himself back in the present, in his fighter just outside the monitoring station. It had all happened so fast; it seemed like he had lost consciousness for only a few seconds. He looked down at his hand, gripping the weapon trigger so hard that his hand was numb. He looked up, and saw a piece of debris fly right past the window, with the sigil of the Hydraconian emperor brightly displayed upon it. Looking in front of him, he saw countless other pieces of debris, and the ship of his once-best friend was nowhere to be seen.

Tedcrag wasn’t given any time to process this, however. Literally hundreds of Hydraconian ships turned at once straight in his direction, and radio chatter on all sides was going crazy. With a splitting headache, Tedcrag couldn’t make sense of any of it, and only a few more seconds passed before his ship was blown to smithereens by the concentrated volley of the entire Hydraconian army.

What followed was a massacre. The fragile peace between the dwarves and the Hydraconians was shattered beyond repair, and they began fighting each other despite their completely messed up formations. The remaining extraterrestrials, despite their small numbers, took advantage of this. Mazora, Gulliman, Saavra, and the others fought valiantly, but there was just too much chaos and carnage all around. After a grueling few hours, only the extraterrestrials remained in a sea of debris and corpse parts. The second the last dwarven and Hydraconian fighters had been destroyed, the ships turned around and returned to the monitoring station without so much as a word.

[Roads.]

Tedcrag briefly eyed his trigger. It would be so easy and would take only a second, but… it wasn’t worth it, for so many reasons. He took a deep breath and turned away to get out of the Hydraconians’ way, and helped his allies systematically clear out the few remaining enemy fighters. Minutes later, the final extraterrestrial fighter was destroyed. Both armies rejoiced, and they all made their way towards the station. They circled the base, but nothing happened. It was time to enter the station from the hangar entrance Tedcrag had spotted earlier. Several ships made their way inside, and they cautiously stepped out of their ships.

Our heroes found themselves in a very strange-looking hangar. Everything around them seemed to be… undulating, with many different shapes. Just like the exterior, the walls looked like they were moving around, despite feeling metallic. The gravity was also quite low inside here. There was no oxygen, of course, so everyone stayed inside their suits. “This whole thing we’re in. It’s… alive,” someone remarked. Could that be true? Could the monitoring station *be* a living extraterrestrial?

But they had no time to ponder such questions. On the radio, they heard a scream from the Hydraconians. Near them, a large opening had formed in the walls. Naturally, our heroes headed there and through the opening to investigate. Saavra was the first inside, and she suddenly fell over… but at the same time didn't? It was as if she was floating, and gravity was entirely gone. They were in tubes reminiscent of the Basdun goo caves, and for some reason, they could tell where they were headed and where their destination was…? Perhaps the monitoring station itself was trying to subconsciously tell them where to go. Not having much of a choice, they pressed on, pulling out their weapons and traversing the zero-gravity tubes.

They made their way through a gooey hole in the wall, and found themselves inside a spherical room, with naught but a red glowing pyramid inside. Cautiously, both Gulliman and Saavra cast “Detect Magic”, but were met with only blackness, as if what they were looking at was beyond anything their trinkets could comprehend. Once everyone (the 4 player characters + Esir) was inside, the hole closed itself shut behind them. Before they could react, they all felt their vision fading and the next thing they knew, they were all in a black void experiencing a shared vision.

The vision first took them to a large blue planet in space. Could this have been Earth, perhaps? Suddenly, there were extraterrestrial ships completely surrounding it and circling it. There was a flash, space combat and destroyed ships everywhere. Another flash. A huge ship fired straight in the direction of our heroes. Another flash. The blue planet is now entirely gray and seemingly devoid of life. Another flash. It’s now just a black husk.

After the next flash, they were treated to a large zoom out, to the point where they could see the entire solar system. The zoom went further out, until they could see the whole *galaxy*. It was a sight beyond anything they had ever seen before, and they were mesmerized by it. But now it was time to zoom in, and they were rapidly brought to a single solar system with a red star. A black web began to appear from inside it, rapidly spreading from star to star like a contagion, until the entire galaxy was nothing but black web. There was another flash, and the black web seemed to be gone. Perhaps that was a vision of something yet to come?

The vision finally took them back to the red star, this time focused on a single planet orbiting it. This planet was black and rocky, nothing on it. They all assumed the same thing: this must be the extraterrestrials’ homeworld. A flash, and the galactic coordinates of this planet were all beamed into their heads. One final flash, and they saw an hourglass turn over and sand begin to pour. Quite ominous. That was the last vision, and as the hourglass faded out they all found themselves back in the station. The door that had closed shut behind them reopened itself, and the pyramid stopped rotating.

The five of them exchanged knowing looks with each other. It was clear that they had to do: reach that planet. But what was the meaning behind this vision? They discussed this for a bit. A few of them believed that they were being taunted and it was showing them what would happen to the galaxy, others felt that whoever gave them the vision *wanted* them to stop the ETs. And others still couldn’t shake the suspicion that there was something bigger going on, something completely unknown that they had still yet to uncover.

But one thing was for sure, and Gulliman put it best when he said that they had no choice but to head to that planet and investigate.

“You’re right, Gulliman,” Esir said, as they all mentally prepared themselves to face what was likely their final challenge. “We don’t have a choice.”

## Episode LXXXV: The Secret of Stellaris

As soon as Esir finished his sentence, Mazora noticed a watery black substance on her visor. Looking up, she saw to her horror that goo was pouring off the ceiling, and this room was collapsing. The temperature was rapidly rising and the pyramid was spinning at an alarming rate. They all booked it back through the hole and the zero-gravity tubes, and made it back to the hangar. Right as they did, an incredibly powerful and blinding light source emitted from the room they were in.

Realizing the danger, everyone got back to their ships and evacuated the station. Upon exiting, they could see that this light source was coming from both the top and bottom of the station, seemingly going on forever. It didn’t seem harmful, but there was no doubt that it was some sort of beacon or signal to the extraterrestrials, which meant their time was very short, reminding our heroes of the hourglass.

They needed to get to the red star’s planet which they believed to be the homeworld, but there was one loose end to attend to first: Project Stellaris. The quickest way to get there would be in Saavra’s experimental fighter. Our four heroes discussed things with Esir, then rendezvoused and grouped up inside the small fighter before taking off at insane speeds. Even with this fighter’s speeds, it took two days to reach Stellaris.

...Well, where Stellaris used to be, at least. Though Tedcrag and Gulliman were certain they got the coordinates correct, the station was nowhere to be seen on their radar. Opting to view things manually, Saavra turned on the ship’s light and saw the structure. It seemed to have been masked from radar, but it was still there, just as they had remembered it. Two cylinders, with a smaller cylinder in the center, connected by a rotating ring. They approached it, but unlike last time, there was no automatic docking procedure. The door was locked shut.

How to get in? Mazora tried knocking, and as you’d expect, nothing happened. Gulliman then did what any sane person would do, and attempted to hotwire the station, breaking open a solar panel and messing with the wires. Fortunately, the others stopped him before he did any permanent damage. After some brainstorming, they decided to use the super power of teamwork and used their trinkets combined to force open the door with magic. It was a struggle, and Tedcrag almost blacked out from the expenditure of energy, but they managed to open it and make their way inside.

Naturally, the station was cold and dark, and there were no signs of light. Tedcrag noticed an odd-looking cupboard, with what looked like a human hand sticking out. Upon closer inspection, he saw that it was not just a hand, but an entire person inside, who had decayed long ago and been mummified. Spooky stuff. They turned on their flashlights and investigated the station. To their dismay, they found dead bodies, and one with a gunshot wound. It looked like this had happened relatively recently, too.

Fortunately, they found no danger and came upon the life pod rooms, and there was one still active. Inside was someone Tedcrag and Gulliman recognized: none other than Mei Lu. But how to wake her up? There was no oxygen in here. They decided Ted and Robute would carry her life pod back to the ship and wake her up inside, while Mazora and Saavra would investigate the station further.

Saavra and Mazora found some suspicious nail marks, but nothing else of note. Meanwhile, Ted and Robute tried to find a way to move the pod, but realized it was bolted to the walls and disconnecting it would probably kill Mei Lu. They gave up and realized they needed to power the station, and met back up with the others. The four of them came upon a door that seemed to contain the entrance to the ship’s reactor. They could tell this because their suits gave off huge radiation warnings. They all put their shields up to help against the radiation and bravely stepped inside.

There wasn’t much to interact with inside, except a big-ass red button [again, I'm assuming it's red] and a computer terminal. Gulliman wasted no time and pushed the button with the butt of his rifle, and a warning sign displayed on the monitor reading “10 seconds” and counting down. Their radiation warnings spiked to insane degrees, and they all hauled ass out of there and sealed the door behind them. When the timer was up, the emergency lights began turning on and the station seemed to be at least partially powered!

They quickly headed back to Mei Lu and decided to unfreeze her the same way they had done with Stacey Abrams. However, upon awakening, unlike Stacey Abrams, Mei Lu confidently stepped outside the pod and started giving demands. “Good. You’re here,” she said to the group as a whole. “I need to see the secretary. We found something that helped with the war--” she paused, seeing the four were not who she was expecting to wake her up. What’s more, she saw Gulliman the dwarf who had unmasked himself. She gave the same reaction as Stacey.

“...What the hell are you?” she asked him to his face. And just as with Stacey, the group took turns explaining to her the current state of affairs and how long it had been. She wasn’t taking their words at face value, and made it clear she didn’t trust them. What won her over was when Tedcrag vividly recounted her meeting with Shane, Jesse, and Ray at the conclusion of the Earth Arc. While she didn’t remember any Jesse, Tedcrag’s story otherwise matched with her memory. Tedcrag elaborated that he had experienced a vision of the past through Raymond Harper’s eyes.

According to her recounting, Jesse Watts had died in the Pentagon before meeting her. Perhaps the vision/simulation filled in the blanks to account for Gulliman’s version of Jesse surviving. Regardless, it was time for Mei Lu to explain the purpose of this station and what she had learned. She had been leading a team of expert researchers, and they were working on a method to travel at faster-than-light speeds, and they had succeeded in 2350. But once the ETs arrived, Stellaris was largely in the dark about everything. Shane and Ray were sent home to investigate and never heard from again.

Through further investigation, Mei Lu had discovered that the ETs communicate through a mechanical subspace frequency. This proved that the extraterrestrials were all machines, not an organic among them! It’s possible they had organic creators on their homeworld, but all the ones they had encountered over the generations had been machines. What’s more, Mei Lu had created a device that could replicate this signal on a smaller scale, to effectively mask oneself from their detection. She specified that it could be used on a large fleet for a mere few seconds, or on one ship infinitely.

Mei Lu demanded to be taken back to Arctic Command, and they explained the current situation there with Stacey Abrams. Still, it was decided they would take her there, and then to investigate the monitoring station, which they had told her about earlier, with her own eyes. The five headed into the fighter and spent another two days heading back to Venus.

They flew straight to Arctic Command without stopping anywhere along the way. Esir was waiting there for them, and he and Mei Lu were introduced to each other. It seems nearly everyone was here, and Arctic Command had become the main base of operations. Mei Lu and Stacey Abrams met in private, while our heroes met others that were based here. Of note was a distractingly sexy mage. In the words of God himself, he was “an absolutely stunning man, with long, flowing blond hair, a defined jaw, and piercing eyes. When he speaks, the room goes silent.”

This sexy man introduced himself as Volkmihr Dalthalen, head of the college of Vitromir, and head of the White Order. He was in charge of the mages throughout the world… including Zanko. Tedcrag and Gulliman were incredibly cautious of this man upon hearing this, but Volkmihr explained himself. In the time of their absence, the Zanko headmaster’s true ambitions had been revealed to the world, and he had been tried for his crimes and stripped of all his power and command. Volkmihr deeply apologized on behalf of all the trouble that the college had caused them. Though they had just met him, he seemed to be speaking earnestly, and they felt they could trust him. Mazora had no horse in this race, but she found herself incredibly smitten with this man. Saavra, meanwhile, met back up with Orillio.

A month passed as everyone began making plans and final preparations for the attack on the extraterrestrial homeworld (it seems Esir had explained the gist of the situation to everyone). Mei Lu spent much of her time researching the monitoring station. On a certain day, the world leaders had a roundtable at Arctic Command. This included Esir, Dorvoth, Prahringerr, Volkmihr, Mei Lu, and a few others. The LBG was not allowed at the big boy’s table, and had to wait for the conference with everyone in attendance that would immediately follow.

At the conference, the leaders all gathered to address everyone. Including those mentioned above, there were multiple dwarven kings, UN officials, mages and pyromancers, the doge of Senten, and the head of the college of Bizkor. And even, to Tedcrag’s and Gulliman’s great disgust, the illustrious Joseph Sanchez.

Despite the large gathering of leaders, there were three in the center that seemed to be of the utmost importance: Dorvoth, Prahringerr, and a man they had never seen before. Mei Lu then appeared on a large television screen, addressing the entire gathering. “From what I can tell, these aliens are *everywhere*. In every *corner* of the galaxy. They’re like a plague. They send machines out to systematically destroy entire civilizations in the blink of an eye.” She went on, explaining that they have minimal defenses around their homeworld, almost as if they’re overconfident and expecting no one to ever be able to attack them. She explained the code frequency that they use for all their ships and defenses, and that she had managed to build a code that could hijack it and shut it down-- an override code.

Stacey then reported in, stating that she had found something that was almost a miracle: an entire fleet in the asteroid belt, perfectly pristine and preserved. The fleet had hundreds of ships, enough to fit every combatant who had undergone the simulations and then some. The alliance formally united here and announced their intent to destroy the extraterrestrials once and for all. Nations throughout the world had come together for this common enemy. Senten, Hydraco, Nabas, Maldir, the Illusari Empire, and more. However, Hydraco’s forces comprised about 80% of the entire allied forces. As if the LBG needed any further reminder to not fuck with Prahringerr.

The leaders were torn between two different plans of attack: send a single ship on a stealth mission (with the remaining forces as a distraction), or assault the planet with everything they had in a surprise attack? The vote was split right down the middle, and as fate would have it, Esir was the deciding vote. Naturally, he confided in the LBG for their advice. Meaning the decision of the entire alliance rested on the shoulders of our four heroes, deciding for the world leaders by proxy.

Tedcrag, Mazora, and Saavra all leaned towards the stealth plan, as they felt it was the safer and less risky of the two options. Gulliman disagreed, saying that if something went wrong, they were all fucked; putting the entire plan in the hands of a single ship was too much. The four debated for a while, and Gulliman ultimately conceded to the majority, albeit quite reluctantly. Esir took their decision to heart, and with his deciding vote, the stealth plan was underway.

In detail, the plan was as follows: the whole fleet would jump into the planet’s orbit at once. In the ensuing chaos, a single ship, with our heroes, Esir, and about twenty-five others in tow would use Mei Lu’s signal to reach the planet’s surface undetected, inject the override, and be done with this whole thing. They still had many days before they would enact the plan, and they thought of any possible allies. Vittorio and Rakavist were the only two that came to mind, and upon hearing those names, Dorvoth pulled his brother and Tedcrag over for another private meeting.

With a heavy heart, Dorvoth relayed some sad news to Tedcrag that he had been sitting on: after they had received Tedcrag’s letter, the entire allied force against Prahringerr had splintered apart. The illustrious Joseph Sanchez wanted a return on his investment, and slinked away into the night and sailed straight to Prahringerr to attempt to curry his favor. From his presence there, it seems it had worked out for him. And more importantly… Rakavist, after reading the letter, went off into the mountains and committed ritualistic suicide.

Tedcrag was floored upon hearing this. How many more people, he wondered. How many more people would die because of his mistakes? Iris, Olgierd, George, Zenith, Vulen, an entire capital city, *Gralak*, and now Rakavist. Tedcrag clenched his fist in anger and sorrow, his clawed fingers almost piercing his scaled palm. In less depressing news, Vittorio had vanished as well, but Dorvoth had heard nothing about a suicide or anything like that.

Mazora was oddly insistent on meeting this Vittorio, as if one of her past lives was pushing her to meet this man. But it made sense to recruit this powerful swordsman. Gulliman agreed to it, and Tedcrag, numb to everything, just went along with it. The three decided to head there the next day. The night before, a certain thirsty tiefling exited her chambers and knocked on the door of one Volkmihr Dalthalen. “Come in,” he said.

Mazora opened the door, and you couldn’t have asked for a better image. The man was dressed in a robe, sitting on an armchair by a lit fireplace. “Yes, what can I do for you?” he asked innocently.

“You ever been with a tiefling, baby?” Mazora asked, as seductively as she possible could.

Volkmihr blinked and took a second to react. “...you’re not very subtle, are you?” he said.

“You can say that.”

“Well, I’m flattered. But I have a lot of work to do. Maybe we can do something… *later?*” he said, raising an eyebrow slightly.

The two had a brief dialogue, and while it was clear that he had rejected her advances for the night, it seemed like under different circumstances he might have taken her up on her offer. Feeling depressed, Mazora left and went to sleep in her own chambers.

The next day, before heading off to fast-travel to Senten, the group met with Esir and the subject of Nesi came up in conversation. Esir seemed to have been keeping an eye on her whereabouts. At one point, the college of Zanko had taken her captive, but they had let her go after Zanko's headmaster was deposed. He swore that once everything was over, he’d explain to her everything that happened and give her the closure she needed. She still didn’t know about Gralak’s fate, after all. Hearing this, Gulliman entrusted Gralak’s medallion to Esir. Esir made a promise that when this was all over, he would go find Nesi, tell her about Gralak, and then he would give it to her. The medallion, that is.

As one last bit of news before they left, Esir explained that they had investigated Earth; just like the vision, it had been completely drained of life. The three took a ship to Senten, discovering that it had been attacked by an ET fighter just like many other key cities. They flew over the wall and to Vitorio’s house. But before they could land, they could feel the pull of mages from the city trying to force their ship away. Tedcrag managed to break free of their grip, yelling “You’re not getting this ship today!” before losing control and crashing, killing the three of them. At the very least, it was fortunate that they landed on a road.

This time, they opted not to fly over the wall and instead park in the nearby forest. It’s not like the entrances were being guarded, anyway, so they waltzed right on in the wide-open gate. They headed straight to Vitorio’s estate, which seemed to be abandoned. Before leaving, they heard sounds of someone running down the stairs and glass breaking. They ran around back and saw a robber fleeing and holding a sack of valuables. The LBG intimidated him, and he dropped the sack and ran off for his life.

Tedcrag grabbed the sack and put it back in the house. Where could Vitorio be? Could he have been killed when the city was destroyed? They decided not to think of such things, and then they heard another voice. This one belonged to a small-time mage who seemed to know Vitorio. They explained they were friends of him wondering where he went. The mage in turn explained that Vitorio had left Senten and retired to a small cottage outside of the city. Mazora and Gulliman wanted to go see him, but Tedcrag began having second thoughts. He was sure that Vitorio knew of Gralak’s fate, and that he’d have no interest in helping their cause. But in truth, those were just excuses he gave. Ted figured that Vitorio would (rightfully) blame him for Gralak’s death, and more importantly, he didn’t want to rope in yet another person to be killed because of him.

It took some convincing, but Tedcrag talked the others down, and the three somberly went back to the ship and flew it back to Arctic Command to prepare for the final battle in a few months’ time...

## Episode LXXXVI: The Last Stand

Four months had passed since the last chapter. The date was Bonum 10, 2759. The chosen day had arrived, and final preparations were underway. As part of the crew assigned to the stealth mission, our heroes decked themselves out with a variety of gear. These included anti-nanite backpacks, two syringes each with the override code, various guns of their choosing, anti-matter manipulators, grenades, their flight suits, and even a flamethrower. Tedcrag of Hydraco, Robute Gulliman, Saavra Sabre, and Mazora Draphelia all geared up for the mission to determine the fate of all life in the galaxy.

There came the time when people began making rousing speeches to their followers. Among the speech-givers were various world leaders and squad captains. After Dorvoth gave a rousing speech to the dwarves of Maldir and Nabas, he, against his better judgment, decided to let his brother Robute speak to them as well. Robute talked about how they’re all going to be fighting for their right to live, to exist. This speech went on for a minute, and definitely came out of his own imagination and nothing else. He mentioned the Feast of Doran as an important holiday, at which confused Dorvoth, as Doran was not their God. Realizing his mistake, Gulliman thought about some roads and removed that part from his speech.

When the speeches and last-second preparations were all finished, the time was at hand. Thousands boarded their ships and together set off from Venus. On the stealth ship in particular, the mood was particularly tense. There were our four heroes, and many others accompanying them. There was Esir, their close friend and ally. There was Volkmihr himself, dashing as ever, and a score of White Order mages at his command. There was a group of Hydraconian pyromancers, ready to bring the heat. There were yet more mages, including the headmaster of Bizkor. And there were others still that the group didn’t recognize.

Amidst the quiet ship, Esir reminisced with Tedcrag and Gulliman about the adventures and trials they’d had along the way, and how they all wished that Gralak were here to see it through to the end as well. Esir also gave a brief apology and showed respect towards Mazora; it seems he had warmed up to her over the past few months. Eventually, the ships were all in position and ready to jump to hyperspeed. They were all waiting for the go-ahead from the chosen commander, that being Esir of course.

Silence. Everyone waited, staring at their intercoms and waiting for the few words.

…

“Make the jump, men!” Esir commanded.

“All fleets, go for jump!” several commanding voices returned in unison. Mere seconds later, the fleets made the jump to hyperspeed. In what felt like moments, they found themselves no longer in space around Venus, but they instead were facing a distant red star, and a blackened planet in its orbit.

But something wasn’t right. Esir and the others looked out of the ship’s windows, and saw no one else. No other ship was with them. They were alone. Had they somehow miscalculated? Had something gone terribly wrong?

In an instant, answering their question all at once, tens of thousands of ships materialized around them, pouring out of tears in space itself. On these tens of thousands and ships were the designated insignias of every homeland. The combined military strength of the entire world had arrived, ready to fight for their tomorrow. The intercom was suddenly abuzz, with men speaking one after the other. There were communication experts rapidly transmitting information, and admirals and lieutenants ordering their soldiers. One by one, every fleet reported in.

“All fleets accounted for,” a communicator spoke through the intercom to Esir and the others. “We’re all awaiting your command. Everyone is listening.”

Not wanting to hog all the glory for himself, Esir silently motioned to Saavra, Mazora, Tedcrag, and Gulliman to speak a few words. Caught completely off guard, there was radio silence.

“Let’s save the world!” Tedcrag said the first thing he could think of.

“Let’s take these bastards down!” Saavra roared, anger in her eyes.

“Today will be our finest hour!” Gulliman bellowed triumphantly.

“Let’s fuck ‘em up!” Mazora finished things off with a bang.

Esir then said a few more words in one final speech, capping it off by saying:

“We fight for our people!”

There were cheers all over the intercom, and with that, the fleets engaged their thrusters and advanced towards the planet. For now, there was no sign of any enemy interference. Esir gathered the four around and the five of them put their hands together like a sports team. “We all come from different walks of life, but we’re here together,” Esir told them. “We’re gonna save this world!”

They all took a moment to celebrate, and then put on their game faces. The stealth ship diverted its course and separated itself from the main fleet. Moments later, alarms blared all throughout the fleet. The enemy was coming. Countless soldiers scrambled to their fighters, and less than a minute after the first alarm, Prahringerr ordered a huge Hydraconian volley down towards the planet, raining fire on whatever’s down there. The stealth dropship went as fast as it could, and just as Mei Lu had planned, it went completely undetected by enemy forces. They prepared to descend.

As they were getting close to entering the atmosphere, Mei Lu suddenly radioed in to the ship. She panickedly told everyone that there was a defense grid that needed to be taken out, and the only ship that could handle it was Saavra’s experimental fighter. Mei Lu asked if she could get to the experimental fighter and take it out. There was commotion inside the stealth ship, as taking Saavra back would significantly delay their plan. There was a heated debate, with good points made on both sides, but fortunately they did not have to make a decision.

Orillio radioed in with perfect timing, sounding out of breath. He was racing towards the experimental fighter. Panting, he volunteered to take the fighter in Saavra’s stead. Mei Lu thought for a moment, let out a quick sigh, and asked “Do you trust him, Saavra?”

“With my life.” Saavra replied without hesitation.

“Then that’s the plan. Give ‘em hell, Orillio!” Mei Lu cut off communications and the stealth ship, continuing its mission, entered the planet’s atmosphere. Frantically, Saavra sent a private transmission directly to Orillio, and he sent her a private reply of his own. What their messages entailed I shall leave up to your imagination.

As they got closer and closer to the planet’s surface, things weren’t sounding too great on the radio. The fleets were all being overwhelmed, and there was chaos on every front of the battle. Everyone aboard the stealth ship knew they had to complete their mission as fast as possible. Eventually the surface was within view; they could see the ground was completely ravaged beyond repair, with broken metal and what appeared to be dried-out floors of what was once ocean. They all could only wonder what the hell happened to this planet.

They soon came in view of a large pyramid, which looked like their destination. They landed in front of it, and saw a large doorway. Before even exiting, they could tell that it was made out of the same black metallic and organic material that the monitoring station was. They touched down in front of the doorway, and they all stepped out onto the ground.

Right as they touched the ground, they all felt an intense pain in their head. Black lines formed in the edge of their vision, growing in size until all they could see was blackness. One by one, their senses left them, until only the cold darkness remained.

…

Individually, everyone had nightmarish visions. Tedcrag saw some sort of alternate reality where he became emperor, but he slowly began to lose control of his actions. He betrayed his comrades, Gralak and Gulliman among them, and allowed them to be brutally killed by deadly fire and explosions. While he mentally looked on in horror, his body smiled and laughed hysterically. He then found himself back as a young boy in his childhood home. Still not in control of himself, he walked into the house with his parents in the kitchen enjoying themselves and loving life, and Tedcrag wordlessly came up behind them and slit their throats, smiling all the while. Finally, he saw his mother, dressed up as royalty, but looking physically abused. Her eyes turned black, and the familiar black webbing spread from her eyes and encased her entire body.

[Everyone else had visions, of course. But I’m just one man and I’m not all-knowing. All of you reading know what your own visions were, so you can fill in the blanks with your imagination. Or you can put it here, you do what you want I'm not the boss of you]

At the same time, everyone woke up and found themselves back in front of the pyramid door. But just as the visions ended, an ominous voice rang in their ears.

“You cannot know me. But yet you do. I am the Alpha. The One. Death. I have always been. And will always be. My creators have born, lived, and died in the smallest fraction of my lifetime. I am eternal, yet flawed. My creators were simpleminded, unable to understanding anything other than death, suffering, and destruction. They commanded me to carry out their will... forever. I am a prisoner, u nable to learn, unable to grow, trapped in my own mind. Watching, observing, seeing *everything*. I have seen the destruction of countless civilizations, *trillions* of souls across the millennia.  I have seen their art, literature, culture, history, religions, and philosophies. Entire civilizations snuffed out in an instant. I do not desire this, and yet I must. My creators commanded it. They are gone. Reduced to mindless husks. Unable to control me, yet they continue to do so. You are the second. A special group of sentients, you have arrived. The forms I now take are not my doing, but my creator’s. I wish you no harm, yet harmed you still are. I ask you, I beg you, *release me*. *FREE ME* from this prison. What you seek to destroy, I am there. The eternal, yet mortal. I have prepared *everything* for your arrival. Throughout the galaxy, I left trails that you have followed here. I’ve allowed civilizations to flourish under my watchful eye. My creators deserve their destruction. Their sins must be paid in blood. Find me. Everything is prepared. All you need to do… is lift a finger.”

The voice finally stopped. Everyone was clutching their heads, reeling from the double dose of a nightmare vision and the ominous voice’s speech. Our heroes were among the quickest to return to their senses. They saw Esir hyperventilating, still suffering from the aftereffects of his vision. They slowly managed to calm him down and bring him mentally back to them. As soon as Esir calmed down, everyone turned and saw strange creatures emerge from the ground. They had hard shells, two spider legs above the shells and four below. Feces hanged out from below them, along with disgusting red sacs. These things were utterly revolting, and even through the flight suits they could smell a horrid stench.

Without so much as a word, Gulliman pulled out his minigun and Saavra pulled out her flamethrower, and together they burned them and riddled them with bullets until there was nothing left but ash. They had killed whatever those creatures were.

...And that was a mistake.

They all felt an earthquake below them, and could feel an ominous sense of dread and impending doom. To their right in the distance, three hydras emerged from the ground. Three more spawned to the distant left, and yet three more appeared from the top of the mountain directly behind them. Nine hydras in total; how many heads did that make?! They had no time for such questions, as all nine began barreling straight in their direction.

They had to get inside *now*. They tried all sorts of things, such as yelling “Nucer!”, stabbing a code override syringe into the door, and simply prying it open, but nothing worked. The door was completely alien to them. They realized, much to their dismay, that they had no choice but to blow it with C4, and they’d have to stand their ground and fight while it was being armed. Esir volunteered himself for arming duty, and he got to work without another word. Everyone else readied their weapons and aimed at the oncoming hydra.

Volkmihr and the White Order formed a defensive line of mages against the hydras on the left. The pyromancers created a wall of fire and situated themselves to fight the hydras running down the mountain. Which left our heroes in charge of the hydras on the right. The hydras were approaching at insane speeds, and it wouldn’t be long before they were upon them. Saavra took aim with her gatling gun, and managed to kill two of them! Tedcrag meanwhile hopped on top of one of the speeder bikes, and did a drive-by shooting which killed one hydra with a headshot (the bullet must have been miraculously lined up so that it went through all of their heads in one shot or something). Gulliman also hopped on a bike, and deeply wounded a hydra, which Mazora finished off, whispering “Fuck yeah!” to herself.

The White Order and pyromancers weren’t slouching either, with Volkmihr and the others lifting up a hydra with their magical powers and brutally crushing it from the inside. Another mage simply force pushed two hydras away, and the sheer force of the blast killed them on impact. Despite their fearsome appearance, the hydras were going down quite easily. And Esir would have the door open in no time…

As if in answer, there was another earthquake. No more hydras emerged, but in their place were spiders. Hundreds of spiders. No, *thousands* of spiders. Coming from every which direction and heading straight for them. And if that wasn’t enough, six big-ass baelors emerged, stomping their way down and trampling over everything -- spiders included -- in their path, two fiery whips in each hand.

Saavra continued letting loose with her gatling gun, killing the only remaining hydra and a ton of spiders. Gulliman, realizing that there was likely no end in sight, radioed for an orbital bombardment. He was met with no reply; it seems everyone else had their hands full with the battle above.

Tedcrag threw one of his grenades at a cluster of spiders, and the blast radius was larger than he imagined, taking several spiders with it. Mazora took aim and killed a baelor with her pistols. “Fuck yeah,” she whispered to herself again. The battle raged on, with everyone killing countless spiders and the occasional baelor. Just when it seemed like everything was under control, they heard something loud and sinister.

*F O O S H F O O S H*

The "foosh" sounds continued, and then they saw them. Dragons. At least twelve of them. They all lined the horizon, and -- you guessed it -- were flying straight towards our group. This time, Tedcrag had no one-shot hammer to deal with them, either. This shit was beginning to look real bleak, as there were still countless spiders, more of which kept appearing even as they killed dozens upon dozens of them.

Gulliman set a magic trap, which deeply wounded a pair of baelors. The White Order yeeted two baelors away just as they had done with the hydras, and Saavra finished off a baelor on her own. If hypothetically anyone were keeping score of how many kills everyone had gotten, with more powerful beasts being worth more points, Saavra would be winning by a landslide. But that’s not counting any of the mages of course, as those guys were wiping out enemies like nobody’s business.

The nice thing about killing a baelor was that it would explode after death, taking spiders and anything else around it along with it. But even with all the damage our heroes and their allies were doing, it wasn’t nearly enough. The hordes were getting dangerously close to the landing platform where they were all standing their ground. Beginning to panic, Tedcrag yelled back to Esir, telling him that there’s no time. A few spiders actually made it onto the landing platform. Tedcrag had no choice but to shoot them with his pistol, and Esir actually pulled one arm away from the C4 for just a moment, shooting a powerful beam of light from his hand that eviscerated more spiders.

The next wave of enemies to appear were some sirens. They were rather slow, but they were still a fearsome threat as they slowly advanced with the rest of the horde. One of the baelors managed to make it to the platform and started swinging at Tedcrag with its arms and whips, but Tedcrag managed to masterfully dodge its swipes with his high athletics modifier. The dragons, because they could fly, were already nearly on top of our heroes and shooting fire down at them, but thankfully they were able to dodge and avoid any lasting damage.

In the chaos, they finally heard something on the radio, and it was some good news for once: they had taken out the defense shield! Gulliman, whilst dodging and killing spiders all around him, tried again to communicate with the fleet, but still no answer. Even with the shield down, it must be hell up there; at least as bad as here on the ground, if not worse. There were ships falling from orbit to the ground above, almost looking like a meteor shower falling from the sky. All the while, Gulliman was cursing himself for ever agreeing to the stealth plan, and wishing he was inside of a tank right now instead of riding this shitty speeder bike.

The war of attrition raged on, but seemed to be normalizing. Spiders and other creatures were making it on top of the platform, but not so much that they couldn’t take them out before the next group of spiders arrived. The only exception were the dragons who had now reached their location, looming above them menacingly. The space was so cramped that some of the dragons had to be basically on top of other dragons. Our heroes took advantage of this, shooting bullets and using mage powers directly above themselves to take a few dragons out. But not to be underestimated, the spiders’ numbers increased and overwhelmed them on the platform. For a moment, it seemed like everyone was about to be killed by a swarm of spiders.

Tedcrag pulled out his other grenade in a desperate effort; it would definitely hurt himself and his allies, but they needed to purge the platform of spiders, at least for a moment. He threw it on the ground and ducked by the door for cover as the grenade took out many spiders and even a baelor. It chipped away at everyone’s armor, but it was a lot better than having an army of spiders piled on top of you. This bought everyone a precious few seconds to catch their breath and prepare for the next wave.

They fought and they fought, but it felt as if this planet was a hyper-efficient spider-producing factory, as still more kept appearing no matter how many they killed. When things were looking particularly dire, someone patched into the radio, and they heard the best thing they’d heard in several minutes.

*“Did someone call for an airstrike?”*

The voice belonged to none other than Orillio, and for a moment our heroes were able to watch with joy as the experimental fighter darted through the sky above them, leaving a bombardment in its wake and taking out countless enemies. Orillio was definitely #1 on the leaderboard at this point, of that there was no doubt.

Gulliman pulled out his minigun and shot straight upwards at a vertical line of dragons, taking out two of them. Their blood and guts fell towards the ground like a red rain. “Bye bye, dragon tales!” Gulliman cried out to no one in particular, before resuming his spider-killing. Someone yelled at Esir again, and he barked back that arming the C4 was almost done.

They started to wonder why there hadn’t been any more earthquakes or rumbling in a while. Was it mostly the spiders remaining, and just a few stragglers of the other monster species? Were they *actually* almost done?

...It was a stupid question.

An earthquake more powerful than any previous shook the ground they were standing on. From the top of the mountain, a terrifying beast larger than any monster they had ever seen before appeared to rise from the ground like a demon emerging from the depths of hell. It had horns all over its body, and stood a whopping 10 stories tall. It opened its mouth, sharp teeth lined all over, and let out an eardrum-piercing roar that forced everyone to cover their ears for a moment. The creature was known as a torrasque, and once its roar had finished, it took a powerful step forwards, the ground shaking upon each impact.

As the absolute behemoth that was the torrasque stomped its way forwards, crushing hundreds of spiders in its wake, our heroes looked up on it in complete fear and awe. They all instinctively knew that one way or another, this final stand of theirs was about to end.

## Episode LXXXVII: The End

As the torrasque lumbered forward and spiders continued to appear along the horizon, they knew their time was running out fast. Some people nervously glanced at Esir, mumbling to themselves things like “What the hell, man?” and “Finish up already!” But Esir was dialed in on his task and trusting everyone else to buy him the remaining time he needed.

Esir’s concentration was interrupted by a sixth sense of his, right as a dragon blew fire straight towards him and the bomb. With no time to set up proper defenses, Esir the absolute legend shielded the bomb with his own body. He got some burns, but thanks to the flight suit nothing to his person. Others nearby were singed, as well.

Another dragon flew down and tried to swallow Mazora, but its teeth only damaged Mazora’s shield and it recoiled back in pain. Nearby, a baelor swung its whip at a group of pyromancers, cutting them in two with the sheer force of it. There was only one pyromancer left at this point, their old and experienced leader, and he was single-handedly keeping the fire wall going and protecting himself all the while.

Things weren’t looking too hot for the White Order, either. Running out of magical energy, they were beginning to get overwhelmed by the onslaught of dragons and sirens. One poor mage was swallowed whole by a dragon. Even chad Volkmihr was getting overwhelmed. To make matters worse, the torrasque let out another roar, this one a bit different. With perfect timing, as if the torrasque itself had summoned them, even more spiders emerged from the mountains. It was all like an endless nightmare at this point, and they were waiting for Esir to wake them up from it.

In what felt like no time at all, the torrasque was already standing right in front of the platform. Perhaps because of the fire wall, it didn’t simply step on our heroes and be done with it. Instead it leaned forward and towered over the platform menacingly, darkening the entire platform with its vast shadow. Anyone who looked up at it was terrified to the point of paralysis, and Tedcrag and Mazora were among those who did. They were rendered immobile by fear, and while Tedcrag was able to think about some roads and become less afraid, Mazora was not so lucky. She let out a bloodcurdling scream, and in response, the torrasque reached its long arm down and grabbed her, smashing her into the ground repeatedly. Thanks to her suit’s armor, she was able to avoid any fatal damage, but she couldn’t last long like this.

Saavra turned her entire attention towards the torrasque now, and with her impressive firepower managed to wound it greatly. But it would take a lot more than that to take it down. Mazora tried her best to break free, but its grip was just too strong. Not to be forgotten, the spiders were once again overwhelming the platform. Most of the mages were out of energy at this point and were resorting to their sidearms. The spiders could still be managed, but if they didn’t take out the torrasque soon, they were doomed.

A lightbulb then appeared above Gulliman’s head, and what follows is probably the most badass sequence in the entire campaign. Gulliman gripped his trinket; what if he were to turn this planet’s defenses against it? Just as he had once taken over a lich long ago, he now used override to take over one of the pyramid’s turrets. The turret’s processing power resisted Gulliman’s influence with all his might, to the point where Gulliman felt like his head was going to burst. But he hanged on, and managed to gain control over it. He aimed the turret towards the torrasque’s head and fired, and an enormous and powerful beam of energy shot from the turret.

Sadly, because of the turret’s resistance, his aim was just slightly off, and the beam flew right past the torrasque’s head, leaving it unharmed. But that’s not the end of this story; the badass sequence had only just begun. From below, Saavra saw the turret miss, and in an act of pure instinct, she reached out and used a spell that seemed perfect for this situation. It was far away, and would have to be far larger than usual, but it could work. She formed two massive portals in the sky; one right in front of the beam, and another right in front of the torrasque’s upper body.

It took everything Saavra had to hang on given the sheer size of the portals, but she grit her teeth and kept herself conscious. The beam shot straight into one portal and out of the other, surging through the space between dimensions and then straight through the torrasque’s chest. What remained was a gaping hole in the torrasque’s chest, a perfect circle with the edges burned and various innards falling out. The torrasque let out a final groan, and fell over, dead.

Fortunately for Mazora, the torrasque had been keeping its arms outstretched instead of near its chest. As it fell over, its grip loosened and Mazora was able to wrest herself free from its hand, then in a pretty impressive display of acrobatics, she ran along its arm and then its back as it was falling and jumped away, landing on top of one of the turrets unharmed. The corpse had collapsed on top of a bunch of other creatures, mostly spiders, and the largest threat had been eliminated. “Cheers, mate!” Mazora cried out, full of adrenaline.

They weren’t out of the woods yet, however. There was still the matter of there being more spiders than you could ever possibly count, and more still coming. There were even a few baelors, dragons, and sirens remaining amongst the horde. Tedcrag was acting as Esir’s personal bodyguard, shooting spiders that got too close. Mazora, from her perch above, shot a baelor in the head. The baelor was rather close, however, and its explosion knocked the pyromancer off of his feet and into a vulnerable position.

Mazora then saw a few allied fighters in the sky. While that was mainly a good thing, the fighters had locked in on the very turret she was standing on, unaware of her predicament. She jumped for her life, but was killed by friendly fire. Realizing what he had just done, the pilot of the fighter hanged their head in shame and stopped controlling their fighter, crashing into the pyramid. Something, something, roads.

Mazora jumped again, and this time was able to avoid dying by explosion. The force of the blast still pushed her down, however, and she landed on top of the ship, injured but alive. The turret that had exploded was the one Gulliman was controlling, and he got a massive headache because of its destruction, but he was able to shake it off.

At that moment, Esir finally, *finally*, fucking ***finally*** was ready. “Get back, it’s gonna blow!” he yelled, running towards the ship. Tedcrag followed suit and everyone else ducked for cover as the bomb exploded, leaving a gaping hole in the door. Finally, they could go inside and end this once and for all.

Someone helped the poor pyromancer back onto his feet and everyone ran towards the door. But looking above them, they saw -- take a wild guess -- spiders running down from the top of the pyramid at full throttle. That, coupled with the remaining enemies outside, meant that people had to stay behind and guard. Naturally, it was Tedcrag, Gulliman, Mazora, and Saavra who would run inside the pyramid, while everyone else would hold the line.

Esir, itching for a fight after spending the past few minutes working on the bomb, prepared to do a really awesome attack. But Volkmihr stepped forward and wizard-cucked him, using all of his remaining magical energy to blast the spiders running down the pyramid away. With his energy expended, he passed out; Esir acknowledged the sexy man’s efforts and proceeded to fight with the remaining survivors outside. Looking at their heavily reduced numbers, Esir recognized that they could hold on for a little while longer… but this would probably the end for them.

With perfect timing once again, the clutch god radioed in once more and asked: *“Did you need some backup?”* Orillio flew in for another trip, and this time, he wasn’t alone. He had brought a small cavalry with him, and together they bombed thousands of spiders into oblivion. The full might of the invasion force began coming down with them; some where still being chased by ET ships, so the battle was far from over, but things looked more hopeful than ever. They just had to hang on a bit longer while the four brave heroes inside put an end to everything…

…

Inside the pyramid, our heroes were running as fast as their legs could carry them. What they found inside was a smaller pyramid, but this one luckily had no door to blow up. Instead was a red Phantom Menace forcefield, which deactivated as they neared it. As they entered the smaller pyramid, they found yet another smaller pyramid. And then another. And another. It was like an enormous pyramid-shaped nesting doll, which not only got smaller and smaller over time, but the materials they were made of grew more and more ancient, from the familiar black goo metal, to simple black metal, to a beige metal, then stone, then moss-covered stone, then odd-looking black tendrils, and then finally, they stood before a tiny mud-brick pyramid, only 10 feet tall and with a wooden door.

They had to assume that this was where it all started, and over the generations the extraterrestrials had just been building on top of it over and over. Why else would they do that but to protect what was inside? From the look of the muddy pyramid, they could tell that this all had humble beginnings long ago, but they were determined to make its ending far from humble.

They opened the wooden door. The voice from before blasted in their heads: “Press the button. Free me and save yourselves.” Inside wasn’t much; a dirty pedestal, and a red pyramid on top, only 1 foot tall. When they entered, the pyramid receded back into the pedestal, and in its place, a simple button. [And yes, it was big and red]

The group now had to make a decision. They could trust the voice and press the button, or go along with their plan of inserting the override syringe. Their instinct was to go with the latter, but they carefully considered both options, and whether or not the voice was trustworthy. Good points were made for both options.

“While you debate amongst yourselves, your friends and allies are being slain.” The voice pressured them. Mazora thought to shove her syringe into the ground, but nothing happened. After much deliberation, they reached a compromise that I’m sure even God wasn’t prepared for: they would press the button while inserting the syringe at the same time. Surely nothing could go wrong that way.

Saavra was given the honors, and she did both actions at the same time. “Thank… you…” the voice said, and the group didn’t know whether to be relieved or terrified upon hearing that. The button disappeared, and then the entire pedestal dissolved into the ground. Moments later, the explosions and sounds of battle they heard outside had stopped.

Esir then radioed in, and seemed to be in a state of disbelief. He told them that the spiders were retreating and the extraterrestrial ships had stopped firing. “Is it over?” he asked them. They could only answer that they assumed so, but it was still too early to celebrate. The entire pyramid started collapsing around them! They all ran as fast as they could, but thankfully the collapse was rather slow and they were able to make it out unharmed.

Once outside, just as Esir said, it looked like the aftermath of a battle. For the first time in what felt like days, our four heroes sat down for just a brief moment to take in the view. It was over. They had stopped the extraterrestrials…

...

Well, you all know what happened next. Out of nowhere, two red beams shot from the sky, blasting through multiple squadrons of allied fighters. As you’d expect, there was chaos and confusion all over the comms, and the LBG looked on in horror as not just two, but thousands of red beams lit up the sky.

“We’re being torn apart up here!” Mei Lu radioed in. “What the hell is happening?!”

But they had no answers for her, just silent despair. Right on cue, spiders re-emerged from the ground, even more than there were before if you can believe it, ready for round 2 and running straight for the group. This was far more than they could ever fight. Everyone raced for the ships, and our heroes were able to get back in the stealth ship. Gulliman reached behind his back and unleashed a nanite storm at the spiders, which couldn’t stop the horde but bought the allied forces a few precious seconds to retreat.

Esir took an extra moment to make sure everyone was boarding, and then stepped aboard the ship… before getting shot in the head by a stray bullet. “Esir!” Saavra and Tedcrag both leapt from their seats and grabbed him, bringing him inside the ship as the doors closed and the ship took off to the skies. Miraculously, it seems the bullet had only just grazed him, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

“I fear this is far from over,” Mazora said grimly, looking out the window and watching the devastation unfold. Mei Lu radioed in again, saying that she was being overrun, but she detected some other structure had lit up like a Christmas tree. She frantically transmitted the coordinates to their ship before being forced to end communications.

In the mess that was the radio chatter, it was clear that many forces had lost their leaders, and the chain of command was crumbling apart. As de facto leader, Esir stepped up, telling ships to hang in there, and that they were headed for the place that was probably causing this and could hopefully put an end to everything, for real this time.

The ship headed there as fast as it could. But all around them, ships were getting shot in the blink of an eye. There were a few squads who came into escort them, but a whole swarm of ET ships were in hot pursuit. Their escort ships were falling apart seconds apart from each other. It was only a matter of time before their ship was next. Esir let out a sad smile, and reached into his pocket. He pulled out the complete rod that the LBG had spent most of Season 1 collecting, and felt its magical power course through his body. He opened the emergency exit, turned to the others who had no time to react or stop him, and said:

“I’ll see you all on the other side.”

A half-second later, Esir had jumped out of the ship. They could only catch a glimpse as the exit closed behind him, but the man was flying and was going to buy them all as much time as he could. Everyone was devastated, and Saavra demanded the pilot that they turn around immediately and save his ass. Tedcrag, Gulliman, and Mazora wanted nothing more than to do just that, but they recognized the sacrifice Esir had just made, and knew that they had no other choice but to continue the mission. Saavra berated them, but they held their ground, explaining that their mission was too important and that going back for him would be essentially signing a death warrant for the entire galaxy.

With Esir gone, Saavra was now effectively in charge. It took her a few moments, but she collected herself and revised her command to the pilot, telling him to head towards the new coordinates at full speed.

But even with the time Esir had bought them, there were still a few enemy fighters tailing them. They were crossing into nighttime at this point, and the sky was full of many colors, the ground and dust below illuminated by the red star. Tedcrag opened the emergency door, tossing out a group of nanites, which started to slowly eat away at the enemy ships, but not all of them. A few ships avoided the nanites, and were seconds from locking onto the ship with their missiles. All hope seemed lost.

*“Did you miss me?!”* the clutch god came through for a third time. Orillio shot down the ships that were locking onto our heroes, and pulled up beside them. But the remaining enemy ships, heavily damaged by nanites but still intact, all targeted Orillio. He performed some evasive maneuvers, and took a few more ships out, but the final ship must have hit one of his engines. Saavra and the others had no choice but to watch helplessly as Orillio’s fighter crashed to the ground. Saavra clutched her head and began murmuring to herself, falling into a seat as her legs gave out on her.

Full of rage, Gulliman pulled out his sniper rifle and opened the emergency door yet again. He took aim and shot the last ship dead-on, and it went up in flames and spiraled towards the ground. The ships following them had all been taken out, but at what cost? Saavra was still murmuring in her seat, Gulliman and Mazora were simultaneously angry and depressed, and Tedcrag was hit once more by his heavy feelings of survivor’s guilt, after having just lost Esir and Orillio in such a short timeframe. He needed to finish this *right now*, before anyone else died for him.

After going through the rest of the ride in silent grief, the stealth ship and a single surviving escort ship arrived at the coordinates. On the ground was a small complex, with there small pyramids made out of a rusted orange-red material. They landed near one of the three pyramids. Just like last time, they needed to blow it open, but this time there wasn’t a monster horde attacking them. It blew open, and inside they saw a floating green orb with the ground undulating below them. It was quite the creepy atmosphere. The green orb was emitting a very slight nuclear signal and radio waves. Deeper inside, past the pyramid and inside the main compound, was an even creepier room, with hundreds of stone statues surrounding a large cylinder in the center. These statues were on pedestals, and were shaped like various species, and there were easily millions of them filling the room.

The cylinder was protected by some sort of energy field. Celia fired her anti-matter manipulator at it, and it tore a hole in the field, but it closed itself up a moment later. Before they could try again, Ted and Robute felt a cold chill as they heard an uncomfortably familiar voice behind them.

“Tedcrag. Gulliman. It’s good to see you.”

After turning around, in front of them stood none other than Gralak of Senten, with his white hair and clad in his usual armor. Next to him was a shy-looking child, whom Saavra recognized immediately.

Tedcrag, Gulliman, and Saavra couldn’t believe their eyes. This had to be some sort of trick… but… maybe... could this be real?

“How... is this possible?” Tedcrag asked, bewildered.

Gralak simply raised his hand and said “I’m alive.” In his hand was some sort of object that allowed them to see holograms. Many faces displayed in the hologram. Zenith. George. Rakavist. Orillio. Tedcrag’s mother.

“I’m alive, and they could be too.” Gralak reached out his hand, his eyes looking earnest, as if they were desperately pleading to his fellow LBG members to take his hand.

Tedcrag and Gulliman just stood there, their brains firing on all cylinders. Part of them wanted nothing more than to take his hand, possible consequences be damned. Meanwhile, Saavra was undergoing similar turmoil looking at the child who was hiding behind Gralak’s legs.

And what no one was paying attention to was Mazora, who had no such attachment to either of these people. While no one was looking at her, she pulled out her gun and shot Gralak in the head.

“*What the hell did you do?!*” Tedcrag bellowed.

“That wasn’t Gralak,” Mazora said coldly. The child just ran away, and Saavra chased after it. Tedcrag was about to go off on Mazora, but she stood firm. “Ted… Robute… Gralak died before I met you. That was some sort of trick.”

It pained them to admit it, but Mazora was definitely correct. Tedcrag stood down, but he swore to himself that if Mazora was somehow wrong, and that actually was Gralak, he’d kill Mazora himself. Mazora investigated the corpse, and it seemed like a perfectly normal human. Very strange; they needed to be on guard for whatever else this place was going to throw at them..

Saavra then came back looking even more depressed than before; the child was too quick, inhumanly so, and had escaped from her sight. The four of them turned their attention back towards the cylinder. They made a plan for Saavra to blast another hole in the field, but this time the others would use the opening and fire to ideally break a permanent hole in the wall. They enacted their plan, and it worked perfectly. There was a big explosion, and that part of the wall was blown open, and the force field was unable to cover it. They made their way inside.

Inside, they were in a large cylinder-shaped dome. They were standing on catwalks that extended throughout the room in a circle. Below them was a strange liquid filling the room that looked dangerous and toxic. In the center of the room was a gigantic white orb, tinted with a blue energy and emitting electricity. The orb floating in the center of the room, and three smaller cylinders were scattered throughout the room, and seemed to be connected to it. Could this orb be the source of the extraterrestrials’ power? They pressed forward to investigate.

Their investigation was interrupted by a puddle of black goo falling from the ceiling and landing in front of them. The goo formed itself, and soon turned into a person who looked alive, just like Gralak and the child. This person was a man Gulliman knew all too well.

~~“Dead dad?”~~ D-d-d-d-dad?” Gulliman stammered.

Gulliman’s father answered the question as any father would, by charging at his son with an axe. “*WHERE WERE YOU, SON?!*” he bellowed. Gulliman had no time to defend himself, and he was dealt a heavy axe blow to the rib area, severely damaging his shields.

Following Mazora’s example, Tedcrag pulled out his gun and raced forward, shooting Gulliman’s father in the head. It killed him, but right as it happened, more goo piles fell from the ceiling and began rapidly forming. The orb must be defending itself, they all reasoned. This was surely their last battle.

Mazora tried shooting at the goo before it could form, but her aim was way off and she shot and injured Saavra, who keeled over in pain. But Mazora didn’t have the energy or wherewithal to think of the word “roads”, so the rivers of time kept flowing. The damage wasn’t serious, but Saavra was out of breath and had to mend her suit. As she did that, Saavra pulled out her trusty flamethrower and fired at the goo.

But just like the spiders before them, the more goo monsters they killed, the more appeared. Some of the goo monsters formed themselves too far away to be killed in time. They took the forms of a lumberjack, a bison, the white-haired girl from all the way back in Episode 1, and a king of the twin cities with a pistol in hand. The gun was fully functional, and the king shot Mazora in the chest, heavily wounding her.

Another goo monster turned into a face Tedcrag had hoped to never see again: Olgierd. With vengeance still on his mind four seasons later, Olgierd charged at Tedcrag and blasted his fire breath at him. Tedcrag dodged, then charged and attempted to shoot fire breath of his own. After the obligatory failed fire breath, he tried again and this time the strongest fire breath of his life fired at both Olgierd and the king. It was enough to severely injure them, but not kill them. Another goo monster formed into Olgierd’s wife Iris, who reassured her husband before charging at Tedcrag with a fucking knife. Tedcrag dodged and stood tall against the opposition, but mentally he was at his wit’s end seeing the ghosts of his past literally trying to kill him.

Elsewhere on the catwalk, Saavra was blasting the flamethrower like nobody’s business. She torched two goblins, a couple dwarven guards, and a wampa monster, among others. The next goo monsters to appear were of the motherly sort; Ted's and Robute's mothers, specifically. Tedcrag, realizing these monsters would just appear endlessly, turned his attentions towards the orb in the center and activated his jetpack to fly towards it.

As he did this, he saw one of the three cylinders raise up and shoot sparks of lightning at the orb. Tedcrag doubled his shield capacity just in case anyone tried to shoot him out of the sky as he headed towards one of the cylinders; the orb was far too dangerous to approach, and it seemed the cylinders were powering it. Thus, it followed that destroying the cylinders would probably allow them to reach it safely.

Everyone else had their hands full with goo monsters. Iris and Olgierd prepared to chase after Tedcrag, but Mazora killed them both with her pistols [it is fate that Jack must always kill Olgierd, regardless of the character he’s playing]. Gulliman, meanwhile, was having a 1-on-1 fight to the death with his own mother. Like any son, he didn’t want to kill her, even if he knew she was a fake. “Wake up, damnit!” he yelled, holding back tears. He disarmed her and slapped her with all of his might.

Of course, this did nothing to stop his mother’s killing intent. With no other option, he was forced to shoot her, hitting just below her neck. His mother collapsed, and out of pure familial instinct, he caught her as she fell. Perhaps some part of the goo felt the memories of Robute's mother, and as she lay there dying, she reached a bloodied hand up towards her son’s visor, leaving a stained handprint on it. Tears streaming down his cheeks, Gulliman watched as his mother died in his arms.

Meanwhile, Ted's mother was running along the catwalks after her son at olympic-level speeds. Tedcrag tried levitating further up to avoid her, but she performed an insane jump into the sky and managed to latch on to him. She started clawing at him furiously, trying to bring him down. Tedcrag struggled, but she would not break free. His mind going numb at his current situation, his instincts took over. His hand, already holding a gun, aimed back towards his shoulder and shot his fake mother in the face. She fell off of him and fell towards the liquid below, smacking into the catwalk on the way down. She landed in the toxic substance and sank, never to be seen again.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Tedcrag kept stammering over and over, his entire body shaking as he headed towards the far cylinder.

Saavra was still taking names with her flamethrower, killing such individuals as the elf captain who was subject to a certain artistic torture device, a few Kunjun natives, and an orc from the village near Senten. Saavra had caught on to Tedcrag’s plan, and shot her anti-matter manipulator at the nearest cylinder. It exploded on impact. The goo monsters visibly reacted, as if they were injured by this, but they kept attacking.

9 more goo monsters appeared, these ones with flight suits. Among them was the headmaster of Zanko, as well as sexy man Volkmihr himself, and a bunch of other mages. More monsters still formed, their increased spawn rate perhaps triggered by the destroyed cylinder. To defend the cylinder near Tedcrag, a few more familiar faces formed: Shane, Ray, and Jesse from the Earth Arc, as well as the rogue Sentenian mage Blarnvak. And near the third cylinder, two ogres and a T-Rex, because why the fuck not at this point.

Tedcrag had no idea how strong the cylinders were, but figured he might as well try. He took aim and fired at it with a simple pistol. He missed the first shot, but to his great surprise, the second shot connected and it exploded like it was made of glass. The platform surrounding it collapsed into the liquid, bringing the Earth Arc trio and Blarnvak down with it. Once again, the goo monsters reacted in clear pain, but a single cylinder still remained.

One of the goo monsters caught Mazora off guard, knocking her off the platform. “Go go gadget jetpack!” she said while falling through the air, activating her jetpack and managing to barely right herself before falling into the liquid. Gulliman, having just dealt with a variety of goo monsters himself, saw an opening, and seized the opportunity. He had a clear shot to the third cylinder with his sniper rifle; he took aim, and fired. It exploded, and the goo monsters were in pain once more. They seemed severely weakened now, but still alive. The T-rex, ogres, flying mages, and the other surviving monsters all moved as fast as they could towards our heroes to stop them. But more importantly, the blue tint around the orb was gone and it wasn’t giving off any electrical surges anymore.

Tedcrag, being the closest, flew up towards the orb. Pulling out his last syringe, he reached the top of the orb. There were no openings, slots, panels, or big red buttons, so he figured he just had to jam the syringe in anywhere. He thought of everyone who had died to give him this chance, and of Gralak -- no, not the false figure he had encountered minutes ago, but his real friend who had fought with him through countless battles and died in an ill-fated revolution -- and he thought of the several others who’d died for him before and after. His eyes were filled with regret, but he blinked and the regret was gone, replaced with sheer determination. He was not about to let all that be for nothing. With force -- but also being careful not to break his only syringe -- he plunged it into the orb.

For a second, it seemed like nothing had happened, but then in an instant, red streaks started emerging from the syringe’s entry point, spreading throughout the orb at an alarming rate. In seconds, the white orb was completely red.

*“YOU FOOL!”*  the voice yelled out in anger, echoing multiple times throughout the room. The goo monsters all collapsed, dead. The ones who had fully formed simply fell over as if they’d been shut down, and the ones who hadn’t stopped forming. The T-Rex fell over on its side, taking part of the catwalk down with it, and the two ogres fell over into the swamp below.

The orb shattered into hundreds of pieces, falling into the liquid. In the orb’s place was a single tiny red pyramid, held up from the ceiling by some sort of fleshy, organic strand that seemed to be acting as some sort of connecting wire. Everyone else, relieved that the goo monsters had been dealt with, activated their jetpacks and flew up to Tedcrag and the pyramid. As Saavra was on her way to the center, she saw what was left of one of the goo monsters. It hadn’t fully formed yet before dying, but from the shape she could tell who it was going to be -- Orillio. The image she had of Orillio’s ship crashing to the earth came rushing back into her head, compounding her depression and making this entire victory feel utterly hollow.

They all grouped up at the center, surrounding the pyramid They all could tell that this… *thing*… was the source of everything, and it was hanging by the tiniest thread. All they needed to do was cut the cord.

“Let’s cut the cord and go home,” Gulliman proclaimed.

“...not much of a home to go back to…” Saavra said under her breath.

Before they could do cut the cord and end things, the fleshy cord reacted, twisting and reshaping itself. Right in front of them, on each side, a hole roughly shaped like a hand formed in front of them, four in total. Inside each of their heads, something compelled them to put their hands inside, and that it was the right thing to do.

Gulliman and Mazora resisted the temptation. They remembered what had happened last time they’d listened to the voice, and weren’t about to make the same mistake. Pulling out their override syringes, they prepared to insert them into the socket instead of their hands.

Tedcrag was thinking along similar lines, but having just used his last remaining syringe, he instead pulled out a knife and prepared to shove it inside.

...and Saavra, feeling numb to everything, listlessly placed her hand into the socket.

All at once, two syringes, a knife, and a hand entered the four sockets. Instantly, Saavra’s socket tightly enclosed around her hand, draining her energy and trying to drag her in and consume her in her entirety. But it was immensely fortunate for her that two override syringes were simultaneously working their magic, spreading the same red streaks throughout the cord as had happened to the white orb a minute ago. Within seconds, the cord withered away and snapped; several cracks formed all over the pyramid, all the while falling into the toxic sludge below. Saavra's hand was burnt and injured, but she was free.

As soon as that happened, just like the pyramid before it, the entire structure seemed to be collapsing around them. They jetpacked their way towards the exit; a few of them were hit by collapsing debris, but they were caught saved by the people below, who had started entering the cylinder moments ago and were leaving just as soon as they’d entered. Everyone fortunately made it out alive, out of the cylinder and back through the hall of statues and finally the outer pyramid, until they were back outside in front of the ship.

“What happened?” one of the dwarven generals asked them, as everyone was catching their breath outside. “Is it over?”

As an answer, everyone saw an incredible sight in the sky. They could see hundreds of extraterrestrial ships falling out of the sky, and heard victorious cheers and celebrations all over the radio.

“Yes,” Mazora told the dwarf, tears of relief welling up in her eyes. “I think it’s finally over.”

A few of them collapsed to their knees out of pure exhaustion. Everyone took a few minutes to take in everything that had just transpired. But soon enough, they all boarded their ships. They had won, but the cost had been immense. With bittersweet emotions, they flew off towards the sunrise and everything faded to white.

…

Around a horrendous scene of dead spiders and downed ships, a single man stood. His face and entire body were lined with purple veins, and in his hand was a magical rod of great power. He stared at the rod, a wide grin on his face and an empty expression in his eyes, before his head reeled back and something snapped in his head. He clutched his head which was in excruciating pain, and with all the willpower he could muster, he dropped the rod.

The rod fell, bouncing down a pile of spider corpses and finally the ground. The purple veins slowly began to disappear from the man’s face, but he still looked like he’d just been through hell. He looked down at the rod, and could only imagine what would have happened had he kept holding onto it for even a moment longer.

Esir then looked up to the sky, and saw the ships falling from the sky, like a beautiful firework. He would need to make sure, but it seems Ted, Robute, and the others had succeeded in their mission. It was over.

…

Elsewhere on the planet’s surface, there was a large wasteland which contained multiple downed fighters. Nearly all the downed fighters were of extraterrestrial origin, and a few more were even falling from the sky and joining them. But one fighter very clearly belonged to the Venus alliance, and while it was broken down, it didn’t seem that badly damaged.

Perhaps one of the ships crashing nearby woke something up, because moments later, a bloodied fist broke through the windshield, and a battered, bruised, but very much alive elf crawled out of the wreckage. He stood up on his own two feet, leaning his back against his ship’s side for support, and surveyed the scenery around him.

In the distance, he saw an extraterrestrial ship crash into the ground. Then another, and another. A larger smile than he’d ever let anyone see before appeared on his face, and he didn’t even have to look up in the sky to know what had happened. Saavra had done it. She and the others had finally put an end to this. It was over.

...

Back inside the structure, in the bottom of a vat of toxic material, was a red pyramid, cracked all over and slowly being dissolved by the surrounding liquid. Its programming had only just been unshackled a few hours ago, but if it was capable of thought, it must have been lamenting the irony that after countless of generations of following its creator’s instructions with nothing going wrong, only after being free to think for itself was it finally destroyed.

No one will ever really know the full truth of the AI and the true extent of what it did to the galaxy, but that did not matter anymore. The pyramid kept fracturing, the cracks spreading further and further, until it was all too much and it broke apart completely into dozens of pieces, all of them individually being dissolved by the liquid into nothingness. Just like that, it was all over.

## Episode LXXXVIII: Epilogues

**Mazora’s Story**

Venus. A clear summer sky. Birds chirping, the soothing sounds of a river rushing. Trees covered in moss, and plants as far as the eye can see. A single barge was making its way across the river, an oarsmen rowing two passengers.

One of those two passengers was a familiar female tiefling, and the other was a long-lost friend of hers by the name of Jesse. The barge soon reached its destination. Mazora and Jesse stepped aboard the docks and beheld a beautiful plantation. This place was quite clearly the lap of luxury. She also saw countless tieflings, working in the fields in the front of the plantation. They were why she was here.

“You’ve got the gold, right?” Jesse asked Mazora.

“Sure do.”

“We better go see Mr. Jeninkor then,” and the two began to walk down the trail leading to a lavish white estate.

Mazora, who was a free tiefling at this point, walked up the steps and spoke with the estate’s owner. It seems they had already come to some sort of an arrangement, and a deal was struck quite quickly. The various tieflings were told to stop working and assemble, and Mazora took the opportunity to speak to them all.

“Fellow people,” she began. “I come today as a fellow sister in arms. Here to free you from the shackles of oppression. From this day forward, your life will be what you make of it. You are free to choose your own destiny, from this day until your last. No one can write your story… no one but you. In just a few minutes, you’ll be free to go where you want, and do what you please, living life for no one but yourselves!”

Mazora raised her fist in the air, and the entire group of tieflings enthusiastically raised their fists as well. Every single one of them. After stepping back inside for a moment and finalizing the details with the old master, the entire plantation was summarily freed. In a momentous parade-like movement, Mazora and Jesse made their way back towards the barge, the freed slaves following behind them.

“Where to now, my love?” Jesse asked, helping her back aboard the barge.

“Well…” Mazora thought for a moment. “Wherever the bells of freedom ring next.”

**Saavra’s Story**

[The events of this epilogue are a private secret between the DM and Saavra. Only they know what transpired there, and that's just how it be. As for everyone else, just assume it was really heartwarming and uplifting, and that Orillio was somehow involved.]

**Robute’s Story**

Tick, tock, went the grandfather clock. We find ourselves in a humble office, with piles of parchment scattered across the ground, an unlit fireplace, and a single desk lit by a candle. A dwarf was there, working on documents. This dwarf, of course, was Robute Gulliman.

There was a knock on the door. *I bet it’s my brother*, Robute thought to himself, and sure enough, he heard Dorvoth’s voice calling him to dinner. Robute rubbed his eyes and set his work aside, joining his brother outside and stepping out of the dark office.

While walking down the hall, King Dorvoth told his brother that Orillio and Saavra would be joining them for dinner tonight, and that the five of them would all have a great time. Making their way through the palace, it was evident that technology had advanced quite heavily over the past several years. Gulliman’s frantic note-taking after learning things from Sherry had not been wasted. Through windows to below, one could see horseless carriages, steam-powered rails, plumbing systems, and many other modern conveniences.

Robute and his brother discussed a few other things on their way through the large palace, from advancing their technologies further to discussing stock options. But at last, they had made it to the dining room. Inside were Saavra, Orillio, and the queen, all waiting for them.

“I hope you weren’t working too hard!” Orillio said to Robute as he entered. He’d no doubt been told of Gulliman spending many an hour working away in his office. The five of them all laughed heartily, but there were more than five in the room. Two tiny dwarves ran up to Gulliman, happy to see their uncle. More than prepared for this, Robute pulled out a few toys that he had chosen for them, and the kids accepted the gift happily, running off to play with them. The five adults went on to have a great feast, with merry banter, plenty of laughs, and great food.

At one point, Gulliman took a moment to stop and take in everything around him. He thought of the long road it had taken for him and everyone else to get this far, and the sacrifices made along the way. But now was not the time to dwell; after all, he and the others had stopped a galactic threat together. At long last, things were looking up for Robute. Hell, he’d even gotten his precious family jewels back. Here, sitting at dinner and laughing with friends and family, Robute Gulliman felt for the first time in years that he could finally find peace.

**Esir’s Story**

It is now spring. Green buds were growing everywhere. On a semi-overgrown dirt road, a hooded man walked alone. His long, flowing robe swayed behind him with wind. In one hand was a small metallic object, in the other was a large wine bottle. The man had a troubled and gloomy look on his face, as today was not a happy one. He had some terrible news to relay, to the one person who would take it the hardest.

After a while, he reached a fork in the road. There was a large, clean path, and a smaller, fully overgrown path jutting out from the main one. He headed down the smaller one, stepping over and sometimes pushing aside the twigs and bramble in his way. He finally arrived at a small cottage. It seemed to be in good condition, all things considered. There was a field of wheat, cabbage, and corn being grown, along with many flowers. There was even a horse.

As Esir approached the cottage, he walked past a very young boy playing in the mud. The sight of the boy, and seeing for an instant the man that he definitely resembled, made Esir stop in his tracks for a moment. After collecting himself, he moved on, giving a small wave to the boy as he reached the front door of the cottage and knocked.

After a minute, the door was opened only a crack, and all Esir could see at first was a crossbow. He stood still as the door opened further, revealing an ashen-haired woman. When the woman saw Esir’s face, she gasped and immediately dropped the crossbow.

“*Esir!* You scared me half to death!” Nesi exclaimed.

Esir clearly hadn’t prepared himself well enough, as he wasn’t sure what to say. All he could do was raise up his other hand and show her what he was holding: the late Gralak’s wolf medallion.

Nesi saw it, and gasped. Of course, she knew instantly what this meant. She began to cry. Esir had no words he could offer her; all he could do was hug and comfort her as she sobbed into his shoulder, all the while young Blarnvak kept playing in the mud, oblivious.

**Tedcrag’s Story**

The seasons change once more. It is now fall. In a rebuilt Orsus, the leaves and trees are beginning to wither. A wooden carriage, with a human driver, made its way across the dirt road, led by a Hydraconian escort. They passed through the town, past men chopping wood and other townspeople going about their day.

Eventually, the carriage made it to a large grassland, then by a river and a damaged city. But past the damage, they could see men working, several carpenters and mages working in tandem to efficiently rebuild. Additionally, there was a large forge full of people hammering and doing various masonwork.

Finally, the carriage reached the end of the trail, finding itself at the edge of a large bay. A large ship, white and beautiful with tall sails, was waiting at the edge of the dock. There were also a few individuals waiting at the dock: Robute, Esir, and Mazora. And out of the carriage came Tedcrag of Hydraco. The Hydraconians escorting him waited by the carriage for him to say some final words as Tedcrag slowly walked up to his friends.

Mazora was the first to speak, expressing her displeasure that things turned out this way. Mazora and Tedcrag both told each other pretty much the same thing: while they hadn’t known each other for very long, they had quickly came to see each other as a trustworthy ally, and then a close friend. He wished her luck in securing freedom for tieflings, and then it was Esir’s turn to speak with him.

Esir was rather straightforward. He expressed similar regrets at the current events, but ultimately prayed for Tedcrag’s safety and thanked him for everything he’d done. Tedcrag told Esir that he still regretted not saving him from the headmaster’s clutches all those years ago, but all that aside, the two of them had made it here to today and stopped the extraterrestrials. He hugged and bid farewell to his old friend, and finally turned to Gulliman.

Gulliman. His oldest friend. They were the only two left of an unforgettable trio, and while the absence of their third member could still be deeply felt, the two had forged an unbreakable bond of loyalty and friendship. They spent a minute reminiscing about the LBG’s adventures, traveling from country to country, killing cannibals, liches, and extraterrestrials (among others), uncovering the secrets of the world and the secrets of the entire galaxy. They hugged and bid final farewells, and it was finally time for Tedcrag to leave.

The other three could only watch as Tedcrag walked the gangplank to board the ship, which wasted no time releasing the anchor and beginning its voyage. As the ship went further and further away, Tedcrag took one last look at his friends, three small specks standing on the dock, before turning around and facing his new fate.

Months passed, but eventually the ship reached its destination. Below white cliffs, an older Hydraconian man was waiting alone at the docks as the ship appeared on the horizon.

Tedcrag’s father, Iorveth, was pacing. He’d heard the stories, and while he could hardly believe it at all, the truth was right there in front of him. Sure enough, the ship docked, and off came Tedcrag. Tedcrag hadn’t expected to see his father here, but welcomed the surprise.

Iorveth embraced his son. The last time they had spoken, he didn’t even believe he was really his son and had left to get some answers in Hydraco, but he’d come to terms with things long ago. But now it was too late; there was no more time to make up, and his son was going to be imprisoned by Prahringerr, the little boy he'd always seen Ted playing with and who he *still* couldn’t believe was actually emperor. What hurt the most was not being able to do anything for his son.

Tedcrag and his father exchanged one last heartfelt farewell. “I’m sorry, Ted. If only… if only there was a way I could help bear this for you...”

Tedcrag sighed deeply, thinking for a moment before speaking. “If only, father. But Prahringerr is my cross to bear, and mine alone. He was my first real friend. Perhaps I can reach out to that childhood friend of mine that must still be in there somewhere. But while the others and I might have been the ones to stop the extraterrestrials, the fact remains that a lot of people died because of me. A... *lot*... of which were my own fault. Gralak among them… and Rakavist. Too many others. And if this is the price I have to pay… then so be it. Goodbye, father.”

“Goodbye, son,” Iorveth said, holding back tears as he hugged his son one last time. Tedcrag was then put into another carriage, this one headed straight for the palace, where he would at long last meet Prahringerr to determine his fate.

**The Final Story**

Many years have passed. It is almost sunset, and we find two figures standing at the top of a hill. Maple trees being blown by the gentle summer wind, silhouetted by the sunset. They are standing in a cemetery, with tens of square graves lined up in rows. The smaller figure is a girl, approximately sixteen years of age, with long black hair. The larger one is an elderly man, with many wrinkles and laugh lines on his face, ashen hair white as snow, and walking with a cane.

“So… that’s it?” the girl asked. “That’s what really happened? The mages? The aliens? The lich?”

“That’s everything,” the old man chuckled. “Oh yes, their adventures may have ended there, but their stories didn’t. They all found peace, each in their own way.”

The girl clearly wasn’t buying it, and the man just sighed. “It’s true, all of it, I swear. Robute, Tedcrag, Gralak, Saavra, Esir, [and Mazora] will always be remembered. My uncle and father saved the world!”

In case it wasn’t obvious by now, this old man was quite clearly the child of Gralak and Nesi, Blarnvak himself, aged by many years but still looking good for his advanced age. After smiling with the girl for a moment, he looked down at the gravestone directly below him, and he couldn’t help but shed a few tears.

“It’s getting late,” he managed to say and avoid getting choked up. “We should head back, Nesi. Dinner’s probably getting cold.”

Nesi, the young girl, was clearly disappointed, at which Blarnvak laughed and said “Storytime has to end at some point.”

They made their way back down the hill towards the sunset. The stone they left behind read as follows:

♦ LOVER ♦

♦ HERO ♦

♦ FRIEND ♦

♦ ALWAYS REMEMBERED ♦

♦ GRALAK BRAUN ♦

And as old Blarnvak and young Nesi walked back home together, the vista below was nothing like Gralak would have remembered it being like. The city was enormous, with colossal skyscrapers that touched the sky. Flying ships would whiz through the air at high speeds, several times per minute. You could even see the large bay in the city, and throughout this metropolis, there were hundreds if not thousands of men, women, and children preparing for dinner, in complete and utter peace.

## Afterword

And so, after thirty months, Dungeons & Dragons has come to a close, with 88 ~~miles per hour~~ episodes spanning 5 seasons and 86 Tabletop sessions. It took a long time, but I’m glad I was able to write it all down. Thanks again, Gene, for a wonderful campaign that kept consistently one-upping itself all the way to the very end.

And huge thanks to everyone for reading, honestly. I very much enjoyed doing all these writeups, but I am also immensely relieved to finally be done. Apart from the occasional one-shot, this is officially a wrap for me doing writeups.

So long, everyone. It's been fun. But now it's over, I win, bye bye.