Wizard 10

**Chapter 10**

Still trying to figure out what a Seeker is? Good, because so are the characters. At Zedd's direction, Richard gives Kahlan the sword, and Zedd declares her to be the Seeker. He then explains how one of the two trees in his back yard was placed there by Darken Rahl, so Rahl could come and kill Zedd at a time of his choosing. In spite of the “wizard's web” that masked Zedd's identity. \~/ And of course, Zedd couldn't have just moved and left the tree behind. \~/ Right.

So Kahlan gets good and mad at the evil tree, and cuts it down with the sword. Which won't AT ALL alert Darken Rahl. Naturally.

Richard calls bullshit on Zedd's story, saying that *“I've seen you water and care for those two trees...I'd say you planted them as a memorial to your wife and daughter.”* Zedd smiles and orders Richard to take the sword and cut down the other, smaller tree. Richard swings, but the sword won't even touch the tree.

Thus we learn that Kahlan was able to cut the tree down with one swing because she thought it was evil, whereas Richard couldn't hurt the other tree because he thought it was innocent. According to Zedd, *“Reality isn't relevant. Perception is everything. If you think it is the enemy, you can destroy it, whether true or not. The magic interprets only your perception. It won't allow you to harm someone you think innocent, but it will destroy whoever you perceive to be the enemy, within limits. Only what you believe, and not the truth of your thoughts, is the determining factor.”*

This...is actually a fairly interesting device. We've all seen Chosen Ones who Can Do No Wrong by definition; it's interesting to see a mechanism where the hero can destroy who he thinks is the enemy, not necessarily who is the enemy.

I do have to take a moment and ask, why the tree? If Zedd had planted the trees as a memorial to his family, tended and watered them for years, it strikes me as rather callous to hack one of them down just to prove a point. Sure, it's only a tree, but it's also a symbol of his wife (I'm guessing, since it was the larger tree that got hacked). It was a living thing. Couldn't Zedd have used some other trinket for his demonstration?

Anyway...we get a two-page speech from Zedd \~/ which boils down to: Evil people don't see themselves as evil. There's the expected “my cat eats mice” comparison, and Richard is horrified to be compared to Rahl, despite Zedd very specifically noting that they are the same in that they both believe they are right. Also, the sword's magic takes a toll on the wielder, specifically related to power of the enemy.

Richard isn't allowed to use the Sword of Truth against Darken Rahl personally. Apparently, the magic of Orden protects Rahl, and would kill Richard if he tried it. Looks like this book won't be ending with an epic sword-duel, folks.

Our latest Zeddism is: *“True as a boiling bog full of toasted toads.”* I think that calls for a drink. \~/

For some reason, Richard starts thinking of the boundary as a mountain range, and decides there must be a pass through it. His father George had retrieved (stolen) the Book of Counted Shadows, which was magic. However, Zedd had ensured that there was no magic in the Westland when he raised the boundary, and Zedd had never taken George through the boundary. Therefore, George must have found another way through the boundary.

Richard, having figured this out, refuses to share any information with Zedd or Kahlan \~/. Instead he talks more about the Teflon wedding dress. Haven't you been waiting to hear more about the Teflon wedding dress? I know I have!

Kahlan wears the wedding dress because *“People recognize me by it. I don't stay in the woods. Wherever I go, I am always provided with food and a place to stay, and anything else I might require.”*

So, mind vampires wear wedding dresses in the Midlands, and people ward off their hunger with gifts. Got it.

Yadda yadda, travel plans, and suddenly there's an angry mob! Yes! With torches and pitchforks!

*“Spread out on the long grass in front of the house was a mob of about fifty men, some carrying torches, but most carrying crude weapons, axes, pitchforks, scythes or axe handles. They were dressed in their work clothes. Richard recognized many of their faces, good men, honest, hardworking family men.”*

Yes, it's a literal torch-and-pitchfork-wielding mob, and like all good Angry Mobs they're here to burn the witch. By which they mean...Zedd. Not Kahlan, the strange new woman in the Teflon wedding dress, suspected mind vampire and weird outsider who publicly assaulted their First Councilor. No, they're after Zedd, the “cloud reader,” who has lived among them for years. They're convinced Zedd is a witch because...umm...the plot requires it, I guess. Seriously, there's not even a single crime of witchcraft attributed to Zedd. Here's the Angry Mob's justification, in its entirety:

*“There's trouble about! Trouble caused by magic! And you're at the bottom of it, old man! You're a witch!”*

\~/

Richard tries to reason with the mob, listing all the good things Zedd has done for them over the years, brewing healing potions and finding lost children. Their response is that *“Most of the things he's done are magic!... A witch's magic! None of our families are safe with him around!”*

This seems like shaky logic even by Angry Mob standards. Negotiations having failed, Richard and Kahlan try to intimidate the mob, which succeeds not at all. So Zedd steps forward to disarm the situation with his Zany WitticismsTM.

He starts by establishing that “witch” is the female term; the male being “warlock.” He then goads the mob into listing all the terrible things a warlock is capable of, which include the standard “make two-headed calves,” “change a man into a toad,” and “call up demons.” Zedd then compliments the mobsters (mobsters? Is that the right term for a member of an Angry Mob?) on their bravery in fighting such a man armed only with Ye Torches and Pytchforkes. He proceeds to repeat the list of all the dreadful things a warlock can do.

For half an hour. \~/

...

This is the worst Angry Mob ever.

Anyway, Zedd speechifies the Angry Mob into submission and they beg him to let them live. He decides to punish them by taking *“that which is most precious, most dear, most valuable!”* By which he means...their genitals.

The mobsters react with the grace and dignity of two-year-olds told they can't go to the circus: by screaming, weeping, jumping up and down, grabbing at themselves, and running in circles. Thanks, Mr Goodkind. Thanks for that image. \~/

Worst. Angry. Mob. Ever.

The hardened farmers plead for mercy, and Zedd restores them with the typical “magic is just a tool” lecture. After the Pathetic Mob departs, Zedd reveals that it was just a trick: he made the men think their genitals were gone, but they really weren't. That's...quite a trick, all right. Zedd implies that he used no real magic, so it wasn't even a Jedi mind trick; all fifty of the farmers just believed him with no evidence whatsoever.

For no apparent reason, Zedd declares that Darken Rahl is behind all this (because when you have an Evil Overlord, he's responsible for EVERYTHING bad that happens, right?). The three share a smug moment because Darken Rahl underestimated them, and then Richard realizes that that's exactly what Rahl wants them to think. They run for it, Zedd going back for his stone (he apparently magicks it small) and stuffing his cat in his backpack. That's one heck of an accommodating cat, that is. Our Heroes head south, and look back to see a column of flame where Zedd's house used to be.

Drinks: 8

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