Jim Boffa

Jim Boffa, born Dr James Boffa PhD, is an Anglo-Chilean F1 driver with Brazilian characteristics. He is well known for his skill in a variety of fields, lauded as one of the greatest polymaths of all time. Born on the longest pleasure pier in the world, in Southend-on-Sea, Jim Boffa has residences in over 200 nations, of which 2 are recognised by the United Nations. Jim Boffa was recognized in 2016 as being the only man documented to have died under the age of 5.

Jim Boffa gained fame in 1997 when at the age of 14 he became the fastest land mammal on record during the Monaco Grand Prix. This feat was made even more impressive by the fact that, due to a registration error, he was not driving on the track with the other racers, but walking between rows of chairs in the stands. The land speed record has not been beaten since, and Jim Boffa has won every Grand Prix since 1997, as well as being awarded retroactive trophies for the Grand Prix races prior to 1997.

## Early Life

In February 1983, Jim Boffa was born Dr James Boffa PhD at the extreme tip of the world's longest pleasure pier in the world, in Southend-on-Sea Essex. His mother Jane Wicks and his father James Boffa (no relation) first learnt of his birth in 1997, when Jim Boffa rose to fame winning the Monaco Grand Prix in that year. Using radiocarbon dating methods, Jim Boffa's precise date of birth has been calculated to have been 31st February 1983.

## Education

Jim Boffa, known then as Dr James Boffa PhD, was educated from the age of 4 at the Frankfurt School, and so is well versed in theories of Cultural Marxism, the topic of his PhD thesis. At the Frankfurt School he first met life-long friend and colleague Patrick Nishead, author of the Kulad Ju series of novels.

## Personal Life

In 2021 Jim Boffa came out as a biromantic cupiosexual demiboy. He has been in a committed relationship with lesbian dance teacher Shen W.A.P. Bapiro for four years.

## Astronaut Career

Jim Boffa's career as an astronaut began in 1998 when he stumbled through a classified ESA research base on Southend Pier after a night drinking, and became the first man to enter the Cum Zone and return alive. When asked to describe the experience, he was quoted as saying "it was alright." After this, all monitoring of the pier portal was handed over to the Jim Boffa Foundation.

## Scandals

* 2016 Anti-Boffa Movement - Famous Christian pastor, Pastor Lul, suggested that Jim Boffa was connected with ISIL. After several months of YouTube videos, this marked the first moment in history that Jim Boffa had his public reputation tarnished.
* *King v Boffa [2019] UKSC 41* - Stephen King alleged that Jim Boffa stole his likeness and sued him for defamation and theft of intellectual property. The Supreme Court of the United Kingdom held this to be false. Baroness Hale stated that King needed to "stop malding" and "get something better to do with his time than attack national treasures".
* July 25th 2020 - Jim Boffa was accused of inciting a coup in Honduras in order to benefit from its rare supply of cummies. Subsequent audits found this to be false.
* January 6th 2021 - Jim Boffa ironically stormed the US House of Representatives holding a banner displaying a moving poem by poet Zanzabar Da'Gren.

## Notable Achievements

* October 31st 2003 - Though not typically invovled in politics, Jim Boffa made public statement regarding the 2003 Deviancy Crisis. After he declared that he had had 'quite enough', the crisis and associated skirmishes instantly ceased.
* January 13th 2021 - Jim Boffa's tireless efforts allowed the passing of the *Legalisation of Comedy Act 2021*; many academics have argued that this was the most profound step forward in civil rights since the desegregation of schools in 1960s America.