recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
Aflevering 144

Mick en Fabian vertrekken om te gaan wandelen in de bergen.

**S2E30. Aflevering 30 van seizoen 2, deel 1 van Het Huis Anubis.**

## Samenvatting

Jeroen heeft weer een nachtmerrie over Zeno, die nu goed afloopt: Zeno vlucht weg en zegt dat Jeroen uit moet kijken voor 'het oog'. Als Jeroen zijn ogen weer sluit, geeft de kleine pyramide van Wolf licht. Yasmine schept tegen Mara op over hoe geweldig Dubai wel niet is en dat ze echt niet in Het Huis Anubis kan komen wonen. Yasmine vraagt of Mara niet met haar mee wil. De volgende ochtend maken Mick en Fabian zich klaar voor hun weekend weg. Mick keurt het niet goed dat Fabian kilo's aan boeken meeneemt. Fabian geeft ze aan Patricia, die niet weet wat ze ermee moet. Appie komt erachter dat volle maan een dag eerder is dan verwacht... maar Fabian is er niet. Patricia en Amber maken meteen weer ruzie, maar Nienke kan dat er niet bij hebben. Ze maken een taakverdeling: Amber en Appie verzamelen het muggengif en Nienke en Patricia zorgen voor het speeksel. Met het speeksel lukt het eerst niet, maar uiteindelijk lukt het om mevrouw Van Engelen een hapje te laten nemen van een pannenkoek van Trudie. Amber wordt ondertussen, naar hard te hebben gezweet door een training van Appie, gebeten door muggen. De Club heeft nu alle ingrediënten voor het brouwsel, op één na: een zoen. Mara wil iets bespreken met Victor. Hij is eigenlijk druk bezig met het zoeken naar de geheime kamer, maar als Mara zegt dat het belangrijk is, stemt hij in. Even later maakt Mara het nieuws bekend: ze gaat met haar zusje mee naar Dubai. Iedereen kijkt verbaasd en Trudie vliegt haar in de armen. Alleen Fabian en Mick missen het nieuws, omdat ze weg zijn.

## Personages

In deze aflevering zijn de volgende hoofdrollen te zien:

* Nienke Martens (Loek Beernink)
* Amber Rosenbergh (Iris Hesseling)
* Fabian Ruitenburg (Lucien van Geffen)
* Appie Tayibi (Achmed Akkabi)
* Jeroen Cornelissen (Sven de Wijn)
* Patricia Soeters (Vreneli van Helbergen)
* Mick Zeelenberg (Vincent Banic)
* Mara Sabri (Liliana de Vries)
* Joyce van Bodegraven (Marieke Westenenk)
* Victor Emanuel Rodenmaar Jr. (Walter Crommelin)

In deze aflevering zijn de volgende bijrollen te zien:

* Trudie Tayibi (Magda Cnudde)
* Arie van Swieten (Ton Feil)
* Ellie van Engelen (Ingeborg Ansing)
* Zeno Terpstra (Hero Muller)
* Wolf Rensen / Raven van Prijze (Hugo Metsers)

In deze aflevering zijn de volgende gast- en figurantenrollen te zien:

* Yasmine Sabri (Inge de Vries)
* Leerlingen

## Locaties

Deze aflevering speelt zich af op de volgende locaties:

* Het Huis Anubis
* De school van Het Huis Anubis
320: Copyrighted Music for Gas Clouds

WHOA THERE GIRLY GIRL, where do you think you're going dressed like that? To the 19th Century salon to listen to discourse from the most active minds of our time? Well yes, I did forget that this podcast description is a period piece. Anyway, who will be in attendance, and what will the be discussing?

- Matt's depressed, but it's OK because he got some drugs that make his bits stop working.
- Joe's accidentally stolen music and makes amends while still peddling a get-rich-quick scheme.
- Log tells the beautiful, international tale of a gas cloud en route to his lady-love.
- Steve and Gav couldn't be arsed.
398: Juicy Susan's Big Bruisin' Hoochie Mama Singalong

Live show! 8pm BST, June 13th on our YouTube channel.

We weren't here for you last week, so have a luxurious king size episode on us. Lay down on it baby, roll around, grind your muddy shoes into the sheets and just soak it all up at your own pace. 58 minutes, hoo-whee, that's long enough to make whoever edited it wonder if they left a big chunk of something in there that they shouldn't have.

Gav's mam's got WhatsApp quibbles, Steve's left glute's got muscle troubles, and Joe's ears have got podcast bubbles. It's Regular Features, ahaaaa. Kept you waiting, huh?

Sneaky Snitch by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4384-sneaky-snitch
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
89: Trans-Atlantic Icelandic Antics

With Gav and Steve shipping out to Iceland for a week of crazy horse adventures, the podcast team is torn asunder and the regularity of the now-reliably-weekly Regular Features falls into mild jeopardy. Can one hundred thousand kilometres of ocean or whatever it is stop us from bringing you the LATEST thing of the thing that we do? No! In a podcasting FIRST, we present the only podcast ever to have been recorded in two different places and then stuck together in our preferred audio editing suite. Enjoy.

 8 May 2014

Log adventures to Mexico and the future

Steve Iceland style co-feature

Matt adventures to Mexico and the future

Gav Iceland style co-feature
301: The Far Away Plane Bae

Hoik up your mother's britches and sidle on up to the latest episode of the good old audio business we call the Regular Features podcast, in which the following things occurred. Steve imagines what the film Skyscraper starring Johnson Rock might be like. Joe becomes infatuated mind-wise with a Plane Bae. And Log prepares for the episode 300 celebration that never was.

We hope you like this one.

Stay safe.
107: Lazy Compilation Special

Well crumbs and titties, it turns out that Team Features couldn't get together to record a podcast this week, and now, without our combined energies to stabilise it, the power crystal at the heart of our fortress shines wanly. It's wan as balls and no mistake.

To appease the podcast spirits and rejuvenate our withered life force we've instead put together a very spesh compilation episode made up of features from the past. That's right, when we repeat features and contravene the founding rules of our own podcast, we really go for it.
342: Features 4 Justice

Stop or we'll shoot! Shoot a hot load of podcast bullets into your willing face, that is, because this week's episode is all about justice. Justice for Steve and his busted up mouth. Justice for Log's new film noir detective stories. And justice for Joe, who couldn't do a feature because the actual police said they'd arrest him if he tried.

Hoobastank!
391: Verified Tiger King

No need to pack your tiger for this one, because this episode's got loads of them just lying around for free. Tigers in the rafters. Tigers in the floorboards. Tigers in the void between the walls. An entire tiger compressed into a bread bin who smiles at you when you open it in search of, well, it's gotta be tiger bread.

It's tiger mania here in episode 391 the Regular Features podcast, PLUS a Gav feature about an Instagram scam gone very right.

Thanks!
367: Shitting Roomba and the Techno Douche

Well well well, if it ain't a Reader, come crawlin' back to my Regular Features Saloon, cap in hand, hopin' for another dose of that features medicine y'all need so much. I betcha want a little bit of Log trying to be business-like, or a story from oooool' Matt about his mouse dealings. Haha I betchoo even want a bit of Joe contributin' nothin' of significance because his feature was retroactively deemed bad. OK OK you can have a lil sip this time, but DON'T expect me to take such kindness on you in fyootcha. PTOOIE! I spat a tobacco to show you I mean biz-i-ness. PTOOIE!!!!
71: Recorded Live On Log's Landing

Recorded at Log's house, there was only one place far enough away from the fans of Log's asthmatic PC, yet within the range of a medium-length USB cable. Squatted around a microphone at the top of his stairs, like a gang of chatty stair chimps. Thanks in advance for enjoying our podcast and buying twenty PS4s at greenmangaming.com/regularfeatures

17 Dec 2013

Log: log’s landing gear

Steve

Matt: Matt’s visit to Brixton Academy
86: Right-Wing Arseholes

Log notices a similarity between this and his favourite podcast, while Gav asks us whether we're arseholes, by comparing our answers to a curiously specific checklist of observed behaviour.

17 Apr 2014

Log Glenn miller vs Roger Helmer differences + Tim Henson interview with Glenn Miller

Steve n/a + mini feature about missing flight for first pr trip abroad

Gav are you an arsehole? scientific quiz
140: The Monosode

Another new way to innovate, you say? Yes, OK! This episode was made without any of us talking to each other at ALL. Like we HATE each other now. That's our new thing. That Steve, eh. What a prize pillock! ANyway: Gav does OK Cupid, Matt tries to get us all together again, and Log makes a big audio mess in your lap. Contains anus
139: Urinals Against Humanity

There's a bit in this episode where we fold ourselves through a couple of the higher dimensions of irony, sarcasm and self-awareness to form an obscene podcast tesseract in which it could be mistakenly conceived that we are being hugely offensive for no reason. I believe, however, that we're attempting to make a larger point about the feckless deployment of offensive language as a substitute for thoughtful comedy. We also explore the commuting of an author's moral responsibility to an unwitting speaker, through the forced, verbatim recital of said author's offensive speech, you know, just while we're at it.

BASICALLY WE'RE NOT HATEFUL YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE US.
Aflevering 154

Appie probeert in het scheikundelokaal zelfstandig een brouwsel te maken.

**S2E40. Aflevering 40 van seizoen 2, deel 1 van Het Huis Anubis.**

## Samenvatting

Meneer Van Swieten vindt het onacceptabel dat Fabian van zijn eigen oom heeft gestolen. Hij wil naar de politie, maar Pierre wil eerst even met zijn neef spreken. Fabian liegt tegen Pierre dat hij de stenen heeft gestolen omdat hij verliefd is. Ondertussen wil Van Swieten geen antwoord geven op de vragen van razende reporter Robbie. Fabian zegt tegen zijn oom dat het gaat om een Egyptische raadsel. Pierre begint meteen over het raadsel van Amneris. Fabian vraagt zich af hoe hij dat weet. Daarnaast begint hij ook over Zeno Terpstra, die de stenen graag wilde hebben. Fabian vertelt Nienke, Amber en Patricia enthousiast dat hij de Egyptische stenen van zijn oom mag lenen. Als Pierre weer terug is in zijn zaak, loopt Raven hem achterna. Pierre zegt dat de zaak gesloten is, maar als de man met het masker zich omdraait, herkent Pierre hem. Met een ongemakkelijke lach vraagt hij waar hij hem mee van dienst kan zijn. Appie is in het scheikundelokaal bezig met het maken van het brouwsel. Tegen Meneer Van Swieten vertelt hij een smoes: hij zegt dat hij het brouwsel maakt om de reuzenpaddenplaag in Australië te bestrijden. Ondertussen op het schoolplein ontdekt Fabian dat Appie een aantal hiërogliefen verkeerd vertaald heeft. Zo moest 'vogelpoep' eigenlijk 'vogelveren' zijn. Met de ingrediënten die Appie nu heeft, creëer je volgens Fabian een explosie. Precies op dat moment klinkt er dan ook een explosie uit het schoolgebouw...

## Personages

In deze aflevering zijn de volgende hoofdrollen te zien:

* Nienke Martens (Loek Beernink)
* Amber Rosenbergh (Iris Hesseling)
* Fabian Ruitenburg (Lucien van Geffen)
* Appie Tayibi (Achmed Akkabi)
* Patricia Soeters (Vreneli van Helbergen)

In deze aflevering zijn de volgende bijrollen te zien:

* Arie van Swieten (Ton Feil)
* Pierre Marrant (René Retèl)
* Robbie Lodewijks (Sander van Amsterdam)
* Wolf Rensen / Raven van Prijze (Hugo Metsers)

In deze aflevering zijn de volgende gast- en figurantenrollen te zien:

* Leerlingen

## Locaties

Deze aflevering speelt zich af op de volgende locaties:

* De school van Het Huis Anubis
* Antiekzaak
214: Breathy Pissing Pals

Joe started out trying to make the podcast better, then just invented a better podcast. Steve and Log feel events from their lives have been stolen by Black Mirror, which is \*just the kind of thing\* that would happen in Black Mirror if you just STOPPED to THINK for a SECOND you total SEXMANIAC. Log retaliates.

You want live shows? We got those flooding out of parts of us. Please come to the next one in November by visiting regularfeatur.es
Aflevering 342

Amber schrikt als ze Victor in de spiegel ziet.

**S3E108. Aflevering 38 van seizoen 3, deel 2 van Het Huis Anubis.**

## Samenvatting

Victor zegt dat hij de clubleden alles zal vertellen. Senior baalt ervan dat hij zijn zoon heeft geleerd hoe hij van spiegel naar spiegel kan reizen. De clubleden zijn blij dat Matthijs er was. Nienke denkt dat Victor het minihuisje in bezit heeft. Matthijs blijft zich verbazen over de ongemanierde Victor (Senior). Hij komt zomaar zijn kamer binnen om de spiegel weg te halen. Jeroen vindt het maar niks dat Appie zo verliefd naast hem loopt. Ze worden bang van Senior, die hen naar beneden stuurt. Ondertussen ligt Fabian nog steeds in de villa van Jacob. Hij schrikt wakker nadat hij flashbacks kreeg van het moment dat hij in de hal van Anubis lag. Jacob zegt dat hij moet rusten en zegt dat het geheimzinnige spul waar hij mee bezig is Fabian in leven houdt. Amber en Nienke, die weer bij elkaar op de kamer liggen, kletsen gezellig in bed. Nienke denkt dat Appie verliefd is op Amber. Amber vindt het maar een gek idee en twijfelt. Ondertussen hebben ook Appie en Jeroen het over Amber hebben. Jeroen is wel een beetje klaar met de 'verliefd-op-Amber-fases' van Appie. Senior wil alle spiegels in het huis weghalen, zodat Victor Junior niet in contact kan komen met de clubleden. De volgende ochtend aan het ontbijt maakt iedereen zich zorgen om de spiegels. Senior is er wel één vergeten: die in de badkamer. Als Amber haar make-up wil gaan doen verschijnt Junior in de badkamerspiegel. Hij vraagt Amber om rustig te blijven, maar ze gilt. Als Senior ineens achter haar staat begint ze nog harder te gillen. Appie maakt zich zorgen en rent naar boven. Amber rent weg en Senior doet snel het douchegordijn over de spiegel.

## Personages

In deze aflevering zijn de volgende hoofdrollen te zien:

* Nienke Martens (Loek Beernink)
* Amber Rosenbergh (Iris Hesseling)
* Fabian Ruitenburg (Lucien van Geffen)
* Appie Tayibi (Kevin Wekker)
* Jeroen Cornelissen (Sven de Wijn)
* Mick Zeelenberg (Vincent Banic)
* Noa van Rijn (Gamze Tazim)
* Joyce van Bodegraven (Marieke Westenenk)
* Victor Emanuel Rodenmaar Jr. (Walter Crommelin)

In deze aflevering zijn de volgende bijrollen te zien:

* Trudie Tayibi (Magda Cnudde)
* Victor Emanuel Rodenmaar Sr. (Walter Crommelin)
* Jacob van den Berg (Evert van der Meulen)
* Matthijs van den Berg (David-Jan Bronsgeest)

In deze aflevering zijn de volgende gast- en figurantenrollen te zien:

* Geen

## Locaties

* Het Huis Anubis
* De villa van Jacob van den Berg
350: Auf Bee-dersehen Tom

Good day madam. In this episode of the Regular Features podcast, Gavin uncovers the sordid undercurrent of homophobia and bigotry in the Auf Wiedersehen Pet fan community, Joe reintroduces us to our old buddy MySpace Tom, who has an update about his house, and Steve has a flight (of the bumblebee) of fancy, as he whispers secrets into a hive.

Take it or leave it, but please, take it. We don't want it any more.
358: Sweatshirts, Wet Shoes, and Driving Gloves

If you think this episode sounds a bit "garment-heavy", you'll be glad to hear that I snipped out two minutes of utterly jokeless sock chat. Something for Patreons, I reckon. This week, Matt enters the metaphysical world of sweat, Steve asks "did I do a Gavin" regarding a man's shoe, and Log takes you on a ride around in his Alfa Romeo. Buckle up parp parp skreeeee
281: Sadentine's Day Special

Maaaaaan, we have some heartbroken readers. Here's a collection of some of the saddest real-life love stories you guys sent us this week. We hope you are OK because we think you're lovely.

Fancy chucking in some of your sad pennies? Go here:
https://www.patreon.com/regularfeatures

Fancy coming to our April live show?
https://canalcafetheatre.com/event?EventId=33507

Remember there's no live show in March.
393: Rainbow Boy Workout

It's more important than ever to keep your mind and body in tip top shape, so this week we bring you the full spectrum of mental and physical stimulation. Log titillates your retinals with his rainbow reviews, Joe speculates your imaginationoids with the peculiar views from his kitchen window, and Steve supplicates your glutinates with his intensive home workout routine.

Thanks for everything.

EDM Detection Mode by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3687-edm-detection-mode
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

## "The Boy That We Found"

Joe's feature stars a mute boy whose description is very similar to that of The Boy That [They] Found, who appears in the episode 233: Lots of Death LIVE at The Canal Cafe Theatre, which is mentioned by Joe. The Boy's mouth seems to exist in a set of varied states: before his supposed death in E233 he is said to have "no real mouth to speak of", whereas in E393 it is hinted that The Boy's mouth was merely "lost" within the batter of Joe's chocolate cake. The current state of The Boy's mouth is unknown.
251: Makes Meow Difference To Me!

We've gone cat crazy in this, the episode of Regular Features that features precisely one feature about cats. This week, Steve reviews several cats from a documentary he watched while cradled in the arms of fellow film critic and large-bladdered silver fox Mark Kermode. And Matt takes us all on the speed chase of a lifetime. You have to listen to believe it.

Please come to our next live show, which takes place on Monday August 7th at the Canal Cafe Theatre in London. We would be engorged to see you! Click the link to find out how to!

http://regularfeatur.es
66: Two Wanks And A Nice Think

Gav rounds off his adventures in spunking into bottles with a heartbreaking conclusion, Steve commits an even more grotesque act of masturbation, and Matt helps us all to relax. Log is there too.

19 Sep 2013

Log

Steve: Steve’s regular features recursive narcissistic self indulgent quiz

Matt: Matt’s relaxing feature + Matt was also paid to wank

Gav: micro feature about buying a shirt + cum update
79: Helmer's Great Bustard Windmill

I put the microphone on the right setting this time, so cool your pies and ladle a hot scoop of this omnidirectional audio into your hungriest holes. Moor our podbarge in your ear canal and we'll waive the docking fee cos you're nice. Yeah download the file and hoof it right into your brain come on come on, I don't have all day.

27 Feb 2014

Log an adventure into ornithology

Steve Roger Helmer Update

Gav Gav went to the Jonathan Creek windmill
313: Barry Manilow's Safari Brews

On this week's podcast, Steve brings us a a report from the frontline of a Barry Manilow gig and we're happy to tell you that the ol' Mandy lover's still got it.

We've also got Log smuggling in a bit of advertorial as a feature like two Muppets running into a XXX movie.

Gav is also on the podcast.

Please consider giving us money on http://www.patreon.com/regularfeatures
76: Magic Toilet Water Barges

What do barges, toilet cubicles, men with spotty backs and enchanted Japanese water have in common? Absolutely nothing! That's not how this podcast works, you should understand that by now.

6 Feb 2014

Log tiny toilet story 1: a toilet seat was up + the macerator pump disabled toilet story

Steve Steve’s argie bargie

Matt experiments with naughty water

Gav tiny toilet story 2: a man with blood on his back
246: Escaping Houdini's Van

Joe, Steve & Gav try their best to escape from a van that once belonged to Houdini.

If you fancy trying The Escape Mobile for yourself, you can follow it around:
http://theescapemobile.com/
Tell them Regular Features sent you and get a free padlock!

While you're at it, why not support us on Patreon?
http://www.patreon.com/regularfeatures
56: Who, Or Whom, Touched My Fruity Chunks

Steve whips an important grammatical feature out of his spontaneous arse. Gav gets his dick touched by Hideo Kojima. And Log brings 1980s Perth to life, with Fruity Chunks - a precious artefact from his perverted friend's childhood.

Log: Fruity Chunks

Steve: Steve’s trick for telling the difference between who and whom

Gav: Hideo Kojima touched Gav’s dick region
Aflevering 121

Het medaillon van Nienke geeft licht als ze bij het ziekenhuisbed van haar oma staat.

## Afleveringengids

### Volgende afl.

"Aflevering 122"

**S2 E007. Aflevering 7 van seizoen 1, deel 2.**

## Samenvatting

Trudie vliegt Victor om zijn hals als ze het ziet spoken in de kamer van Nienke en Amber en ook nog eens de wekker afgaat. Victor lacht het uit en maakt Trudie aan het schrikken. Ondertussen hebben Nienke en Fabian een afspraakje. Dat verloopt niet zo romantisch, want ze horen Amber en Mick in hun oor, die met elkaar beginnen te flirten. Fabian en Nienke praten hen letterlijk na. Dan vertelt Victor dat haar oma met spoed is opgenomen in het ziekenhuis. Appie denkt weer dat er iets is met Jeroen, maar hij ontdekt alles. Victor wordt gebeld door een onbekend iemand, die vraagt of er nog plaats is in Het Huis Anubis. Victor heeft maar plaats voor acht, maar wil voor deze man een uitzondering maken. Mara en Patricia laten Trudie schrikken. Trudie leest Patricia's toekomst in theeblaadjes. Ze zegt dat Patricia's grote liefde op haar pad zal komen. Amber - en niet Fabian - gaat mee met Nienke naar het ziekenhuis. Haar oma blijkt in coma te liggen. De verpleegster vertelt dat ze in die toestand werd aangetroffen rond twaalf uur: precies toen de Club de graal opende. Om het erger te maken licht het medaillon van Nienke rood op als ze bij het bed van haar oma staat.

## Personages

In deze aflevering zijn de volgende hoofdrollen te zien:

* Nienke Martens (Loek Beernink)
* Amber Rosenbergh (Iris Hesseling)
* Fabian Ruitenburg (Lucien van Geffen)
* Appie Tayibi (Achmed Akkabi)
* Jeroen Cornelissen (Sven de Wijn)
* Patricia Soeters (Vreneli van Helbergen)
* Mick Zeelenberg (Vincent Banic)
* Mara Sabri (Liliana de Vries)
* Victor Emanuel Rodenmaar Jr. (Walter Crommelin)

In deze aflevering zijn de volgende bijrollen te zien:

* Trudie Tayibi (Magda Cnudde)
* Irene Martens (Roelie Westerbeek)

In deze aflevering zijn de volgende gast- en figurantenrollen te zien:

* Verpleegster (Saar Bressers)

Deze aflevering speelt zich af op de volgende locaties:

* Het Huis Anubis
242: Oh La La Mon Booby Gauche

In this episode, Steve gives you hot praying tips. Log bids farewell to Marine Le Pen. Joe tells the harrowing story of a man he met who bellowed an entire scream into the sky.

At one point in this episode we say "homonym" when we in fact meant "homophone", d'oh!!!

We love you!

Details about the episode 250 live show will appear on regularfeatur.es very soon.
189: Four Melting Men (Live at the Canal Cafe Theatre)

This week's episode was best described by Gav as "essentially a man melting on stage and still managing to be brilliant." Team Features roll onto stage at the end of a Bank Holiday Monday, unsurprisingly a little worse for wear. Wonderful/shambolic. Apologies for the audio quality this week - the setup at the venue wasn't up to scratch - but the reverb does get better later in the show. Watch on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NijVBmGyphI
392: Blue Tick Bingo 5G Zoom Scam

Log runs us through his Zoom meeting bingo card, Steve is torn to shreds by the irradiating power of 5G masts, and Gav concludes the saga of his encounter with a blue tick scammer.

This one gets \*messy\* towards the end, and for that we apologise, but all this social distancing malarkey makes us thirsty for friendship and vodka. Take us as we are, and never try to change us.

Stay lovely.
302: Accidental Spooky Special

In a coincidence we are describing as "nice", this show's full of ghosts, psychics and troublingly sexy robots. Oh boy, Gav, Log and Steve have got spookies coming out of their collective arses and they're going to pour them down your ears once you click play.

SPONSORSHIP FOR THIS EPISODE KINDLY PROVIDED BY HERBIS JON-BRANTHAM.
115: Let's Go To The Phones

Lift up your jumper and slap your belly to the beat of the rhythm of heart of the night, because it's a one-off voicemail special that's all about YOU.

That's right! YOU, the READER, are the star of the show as we read out the voicemail messages you left on our website not seven months ago. Did you think we'd forgotten about that? Hah, no way! Have some faith, we're beginning to think you doubting Jennies don't deserve our magical one-off voicemail specials.
67: The James & Diana Awards

It's a double-scripter! Log reprises the Diana movie, while Matt does a James Bond thing. Meanwhile, Gav showers us in awards and thick, syrupy liquids. Finally, Steve fails to get us sponsored by Audible.

17 Oct 2013

Log: Log wrote a film about Princess Diana

Steve: Steve failed to secure advertising revenue for the podcast

Matt: New Jane Bond with 4 villains! (A script)

Gav: Gav made awards for everyone except himself
346: Fridge Raiding Sky Penis

She packed my bags last night, pre-flight. Zero hour, nine AM. And I think I'll be high-igh-igh, as a kite by then.

That's a little poem I just made up about the latest episode of Regular Features, because Joe has a feature about a sky penis (high as a kite), Steve has a feature about haunted pins (nine AM, a scary time of day), and Log has a feature about Fridge Raiders (pack your bags full of them if you're going out).

If you like it, great!
397: Snooker Loopy

Pot the reds then screw back for a brand new episode of the hippest podcast on the baize. It's Regular Features, you filthy little pocket botherers, and this week we've gone simply loopers for the ol' spoopers. The snockets, the cue stew, the hot pink smackers. It's SNOOKER baby, and that's all she wrote.

Log's got a side-gig writing for right-wing journals. Joe is doing the snooker thing I just mentioned. And Steve's been watching too much RuPaul to do anything else of note.

THANKS TO INCOMPETECH AS USUAL:
The Entertainer and Gymnopédie No. 1 - Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
105: Smart Celebrity Nudes

Hey, did you know? There are exactly as many members of Regular Features as there are Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Our weapon proficiencies roughly match up too. Log, for example, is \*such\* a Michelangelo, but rather than using dual nunchucks he prefers to fight with a bo staff, which you'll note is typically the weapon used by Donatello. Besides that one discrepancy we are identical in every way.
112: An Indecent Chain Reaction

In this episode of the podcast that is called Regular Features, Steve fleshes out the Wikipedia entry for Chain Reaction, while Gav tells the story of a man whose flesh is out in Wales. Which one results in an anti-social behaviour order? You'll have to listen to find out!

Log and Matt also contribute, heroically.
173: Live at the Canal Cafe Theatre - 11th Jan 2016

We're back in our monthly live slot in North London, and this time Matt's got an actual FEATURE. It's still a bit weird though, so keep your shoes on Susan. Steve talks with a PR about a magical cup, Log has designed a new wave of hot merch, and Gav is a famous internet troll. You can watch a video of this episode, here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITIXePqaoEk
298: Pancake Toon Blast

Who wears jort jorts? We wear jort jorts, though our jort jorts have almost no bearing at all on the content of this episode of Regular Features, in which Log introduces the Toon Blast community to the squirtin' philosophy, and Matt takes us all on a whistlestop tour of Amsterdahamsterdams.

As always, we love you, and stay safe please. You're the only readers we've got.
270: Galapadapaslapaqueen

Hey grumblecakes, why you lookin' so down? Perhaps you'd like to drape this hot towel of a podcast over your face and allow our comedy steam to open your audience pores? Yeah, you'd like that wouldn't you. You'd like the evaporating fun to cool your listener skin, and create a pleasant sensation known only as THE NICE TIMES. Steve is back from Galapagos, Log is Royal Marriage Mad, and Gavin spoke to a woman who was very complimentary about our trade.

Would you please come to our CHRISTMAS LIVESHOW SPECIAL? All the freakin' details are here, and there aren't many tickets left. We're expecting you! canalcafetheatre.com/event?EventId=33507
100: The Unintended Live Show

It was never meant to be like this: we were going to have a meet-up with some Patrons (and associated freeloaders), then retire to a room after closing time to have a private podcast in a lovely shut pub. Instead, we got so excited that we ended up doing a spontaneous live show. So here is Episode 100, in all its hastily rewired and hard-to-fathom majesty - LIVE from the Darts Room of The King Billy pub on Manvers Street, Nottingham!

Matt pores over our early Google Hangouts from 2011, Steve relives a feature that was lost, back in the day when we regularly deleted podcasts, Gav finds out how much we've learned about each other on our long and gruelling journey to 100, and Log reads through the titles of all 100 Police Academy movies.

You can support Regular Features on Patreon by visiting http://www.patreon.com/regularfeatures if you like! (YOU DO LIKE)
353: Good Boys Go Spicy

[Re-uploaded to fix compression issues, thank you for your patience in this trying time]

In this bumper bonus edition, Steve produces the go-to to-do list for go-getters who gone and got a new home, Joe introduces us to the man behind the elemental gun that is super-effective on men who are standing in puddles, and Gav decides to use his powers for good, in a feature that shows that there's hope for everyone. Also Log provides remote solo content. Or does he? Yes. But when? At the end. OK! Thanks.
359: Tossed Salad and Scrambled Algorithms

We hope the Saturday release of this podcast has not ruined your usual reading regime. In this episode, Matt explores exactly one (1) instance of the Frasierverse, Log feeds 10,000 hours of Regular Features into the bin, and Joe and Gav team up in Germany to sling back some hot reportage from the Gamescom thing that's happening. CHEERS BOBBY
83: Lawsuit EU-rself

Steve puts off sending the email that will land the Regular Features team in prison by adding yet more libellous garnish to his Roger Helmer newsletter, while Log reviews the curious case of Mister Catty, the cat everybody is suing everybody else over. Mister Catty! Do you know how much trouble you have caused? MISTER CATTY ARE YOU EVEN PAYING ATTENTION

27 Mar 2014

Log mr catty court case + animal cases true or false

Steve Roger Helmer Update Part 3

Gav
132: The 4,400 Bad Horse Reviews

In this episode of Regular Features, Log reacts professionally to a bad review of his pub on TripAdvisor by reading the review out in a silly voice, Steve has some good ideas for new science fiction drama television show, and Matt has a go at being Gav by abusing a stranger over text message.

Sorry if this description isn't very entertaining but I've got guests coming over and I literally have to clear away my sex toys before they get here.
78: Noisy Wildstar Birthday Neighbours

Gav indirectly murders a woman by alerting her captors to his discovery of their secret dungeon in the flat below his. Steve feigns competence in yet another aspect of his life. Log sits in the corner in a big Victorian ruff, dispensing pink champagne truffles like birdseed, each swing of his arm becoming more and more exaggerated until he tumbles forwards from his stool, yelping in pain and confusion as his helpers rush in to assist. Welcome to this week's Regular FEatuutuers. x

20 Feb 2014

Log some birthday treats for Steve from Tesco Metro

Steve Wildstar MMO Story

Gav Letter To Potential Fritzel Neighbours
110: Gamergate Widows

In this episode we finally investigate and uncover Matt Lees's intense hatred of widows, a full woman-blasting fury so all-consuming that he even hates windows, both for sounding a bit like "widows" and for allowing widows to look through walls, something Matt believes they should not be allowed to do, considering what they are.

Gav also tells the story of how he first met Log, and Steve provides the floundering #gamergate movement with some out of context audio ammunition. Eat it up, sucka.
376: Karnspiracy Theories

Hope you've got some paper towels ready, because it's time for another Regular Features, the wettest and heaviest podcast in town. This week, Joe and Gav investigate the wild world of minor celebrities openly debasing themselves for small amounts of money. And that is frankly all that's worth mentioning about this episode.
213: Debobble Onion Bladder Chatter

Steve heroically soils himself on public transport in a graceful act of raw and empowering incontinence. Matt's been crawling around in the mud with the mussels, if that's where mussels live. And Log, well boy oh boy, he certainly did sit there are contribute in droves. We hope you enjoy.

We have two live shows! Please come to the next one in November by visiting regularfeatur.es

It will be fun we promise
344: Rondy Crime Safe

Oh it's you. Hey! This week Joe is doing the opposite of safe cracking. Steve is doing the opposite of giving his bike to a policeman. And Log is doing the opposite of satirising an actual living person who has legal recourse to lawsuit our sweet little puckered patoots. It's opposite time! Please don't support us on Patreon!
74: Megadog Punchdrunk Sex Problems

A mysteriously terrified dog, sexual frustration in a pitch-black cupboard, and extensive wanking chat. This is Regular Features by-the-numbers. Textbook stuff, really. Tired. Total waste of time.

 23 Jan 2014

Log Sex Problems

Steve

Matt Matt went to a Punchdrunk play / the sexy room feature

Gav a dog is scared of a big dog blanket
127: Awkward Eyes With The Skrebel MC

After one failed feature, Steve talks about a traumatic injury to his gigantic eyeballs. Gav recalls a traumatic injury to a social situation, caused by his own behaviour, and Joe Skrebels causes traumatic injuries to Regular Features, by showing us all up for the low-effort amateurs we are. BONUS FUN!!! Can you spot Log's hidden secret feature?
Het nieuwe lid

Jan Fontein voorspelt ongevraagd de toekomst van Jeroen.

**Het nieuwe lid** is aflevering aflevering 103 van Het Huis Anubis en aflevering 42 van seizoen 1, deel 2. Appie wordt ingewijd als nieuw lid van de Club van de Oude Wilg.

## Samenvatting

Zeno bedenkt zich en neemt het raadseltje mee. Hij wil het eerst gaan ontcijferen. Hij bedreigt Jeroen wel: hij wil binnen een paar dagen meer aanwijzingen. Jeroen kan zijn geluk niet op met het voorschot dat hij van Zeno krijgt. Ondertussen wordt Appie officieel ingewijd als vijfde lid van de Club. Met een eed en een bloeddruppel wordt het officieel gemaakt. Jason komt Amber halen omdat de kioskwedstrijd gaat beginnen. Amber en Appie delen samen t-shirts en hoeden uit aan voorbijgangers. Mara is teleurgesteld omdat zij alleen wat thee en gelukspoppetjes heeft. Mevrouw Van Engelen zegt tegen meneer Van Swieten dat de kiosk van Mara meer diepgang heeft. Meneer Fontein neemt blij het geld in ontvangst van Jeroen. Hij voorspelt ook nog gratis zijn toekomst: Jeroen heeft een zwart hart die langzaam de overhand neemt en daardoor komt hij in de problemen. Jason is trots op Amber en geeft haar een kus op haar wang. Ineens is ze verliefd en droomt ze 's avonds over hem. Nienke droomt ondertussen over Sarah, die zegt dat ze niet zomaar iedereen moet vertrouwen. Appie is verbaasd als blijkt dat Jeroen een dure jas, dvd's en andere spullen heeft gekocht. Jeroen zegt dat het om een erfenis van een overleden tante gaat. Fabian is druk bezig met het ontcijferen van het papiertje. Hij is moe en gaat morgen verder. Ondertussen wordt Mara boos op Mick, die haar probeert te overtuigen dat ze het kioskduel gaat winnen. Als Appie slaapt, zegt hij weer wat geheime woorden hardop. Jeroen vangt dingen op over bloed en een club... hij schrijft alles op voor Zeno.

## Personages

In deze aflevering zijn de volgende hoofdrollen te zien:

* Nienke Martens (Loek Beernink)
* Amber Rosenbergh (Iris Hesseling)
* Fabian Ruitenburg (Lucien van Geffen)
* Appie Tayibi (Achmed Akkabi)
* Jeroen Cornelissen (Sven de Wijn)
* Patricia Soeters (Vreneli van Helbergen)
* Mick Zeelenberg (Vincent Banic)
* Mara Sabri (Liliana de Vries)

In deze aflevering zijn de volgende bijrollen te zien:

* Arie van Swieten (Ton Feil)
* Ellie van Engelen (Ingeborg Ansing)
* Sarah Winsbrugge-Hennegouwen (Pim Lambeau)
* Jason Winker (Curt Fortin)
* Zeno Terpstra (Hero Muller)

In deze aflevering zijn de volgende bij- en figurantenrollen te zien:

* Jan Fontein (Vefa Ocal)
* Leerlingen

Deze aflevering speelt zich af op de volgende locaties:

* Het Huis Anubis
* De school van Het Huis Anubis
396: Stephen Hendry's Birthday Turnips

Don't you just hate it when you get a duff Kinder Egg and the capsule is just full of matted old hair? Sure, you could try to prop the wiry tuft up next to your completed collection of Tiny Terrapins and pretend that all is well, but it just doesn't fit in, and to be frank, it stinks of petrol.

Anyway. In this episode, Log recalls the times he met Joe, Steve recalls the time Stephen Hendry was trapped inside his own panic room, and Matt goes nips deep in the stalk market. Hell's bells, let's do this.
265: The One Where Joe Gives Us A Sex Drug

A prodigal Joe gives everyone a strange Japanese potion, which sends the podcast freewheeling into a debilitating, but entirely legal, erotic reverie. There's a feature about Gremlins and another about Nixon doing a crime with a space shuttle, but both are overshadowed by a pervading and all-consuming sense of engorgement. We're so sorry.

A live show you say? November 6th - www.canalcafetheatre.com
269: Robbie Williams' Mushroom, Reviewed

Travel back to 2002 for a song lyric examination, then back to 2017 for some bang up-to-date film reviews, and then to the FUTURE OF MUSHROOMS.

Whew, you must be exhausted! Why not kick back and relax by paying us money to watch us do a CHRISTMAS LIVE SHOW on the 11th December: https://canalcafetheatre.com/event?EventId=33507
90: Donate My Bony Horse Impostor

A fortnight old encounter with a horse has Steve still running on equine feature fumes, while Log's pelvic altruism sees him donating every cubic inch of useful insides. Meanwhile Gav is... hold on, what the eff? WHO THE EFF??

15 May 2014

Log log became a bone marrow registrant

Steve Steve rose the best horse in Iceland

Joe I’m not actually Gav Murphy
61: A Live Podcast

The first Regular Features Live podcast was an unexpected success, thanks to those of you who bothered your arses to turn up. You guys: awesome. There was one guy there who doesn't even listen to the show, and even he had a nice time. That guy: awesome. The rest of you? Awesome status: PENDING

Log: pussy pals sequel plus theme song

Steve: Quantum Leap quiz

Matt: I have an experiment

Gav: Gav’s new house
324: Some Lad Wrote a Scripto

Log found a Christmas script in his pub and wouldn't you know it we decided to perform the whole thing. It's insane that we're not making this up.

Music used:
"A Christmas Tale" by Lena Orsa https://freesound.org/people/lena\_orsa/sounds/414673/
"Creepy Lullaby, A" by InspectorJ https://freesound.org/people/InspectorJ/sounds/412224/
131: Killer Tom From The Ghost Dimension

It's been a bad day, please don't take a picture. Please, it's my last picture. It's the only remaining picture I have of my dead wife. Please, man who is repossessing my home because I am depressed and out of work, do not take this picture of my dead wife. It is worth nothing to you.

What's that? Did this unassuming podcast description just unlock a cool and original new way of interpreting the lyrics to the song 'Bad Day' by REM? Yeah it did, you better believe it booyyyy.

This episode has Joe, Steve and Gav in it. Joe does a ouija board, Steve investigates alternate timelines and Gav badmouths a fish. Have fun.
348: Big Boys Take Flight

This week it's all blimps and big boys, and little in between. If it's not a blimp, it's a bloody big boy. And if it's not a big boy knocking at your window, it's the metal tip of a massive blimp, gently tap tap tapping, wanting to be let inside for some snacks. We got Log, we got Steve, we got Joe. Let's go.

Love you x
121: New Year's Day Emergency Clip Show

A series of unfortunate events (starting with us putting Gav on editing duties for New Year's Day) has resulted in us losing this week's episode to some gremlins.
So this week, Gav's whacked together some of our favourite bits from the last year into one file for you. Normal podcasting services will resume next week.
337: To Sleep, Perchance to Ski

Curl up in bed with this special sleepy episode of the Regular Features podcast, which is all about that good white stuff, ie. sheets and snow. Steve celebrates World Sleep Day slogans, and Matt recounts a recent trip into the mountains when his arse clamped shut as a vice. Oh heavens. Have a nice day.
394: The Baby Is Always Bigger On The Other Side

You know how you can revive a sleepy bee with a tiny teaspoon of sugar water? That works on us too.

In fact, why don't you come round when this is all over and pipette some of that sweet shug-shug into our glug-glugs to give us the pep we need to get going in the morning? You have our express permission to appear by our bedside before dawn and intubate us with the holy syrup our bodies demand. It's what friends do.

In this episode, Steve defrauds Catchphrase and Gav has clapped eyes on a big baby. Things may never return to the way they were.

Love you.
206: WhatsApp Bike Smash Ltd

Some like it hot, but I don't know who those people are and I don't much care for them. In this episode Steve dodges leprosy but crashes into a woman with his bike, Joe sidesteps civil behaviour and invades a woman's privacy on a train, and Log sheds his corporeal form to become a legally immortal company that, if he's anything like everybody else in this episode, also contributes somehow to the sadness of a woman.

We got live shows baby, please do come, we love you: http://regularfeatur.es
141: Three Guys Chatting

The Regular Features team are getting ready to go on holiday this week! Except for Log, who's writing this description now, knowing that his friends are going to live on a fucking yacht for a few days, while he sits in his own pub, a prisoner of all the booze he's chosen to surround himself with. Why not drink the booze, Log? Just drink it all and have a holiday \*in your head\*! This episode Includes some OK Cupid and barring of customers
182: The Matt Lees Special

His hair has launched a thousand ships and his hands have wanked a thousand dicks. Without him, we would be lost in a sea of immaturity and the podcast would only be 33-and-a-bit percent straight and we can't have that. That's how they win.

This is the best of Matt Lees as voted for by our loyal patrons who chuck money at us every episode.
234: Silly Squid's Birthday Church

HOOT HOOT

That is the sound of an owl AND one of those party blower birthday trumpets and if that's not the best summation of this episode then perhaps you would care to imagine a church doing push-ups.

Come see us LIVE on April 3rd:
https://canalcafetheatre.com/event?EventId=33507

Buy yourself a Regular Features tshirt:
http://regularfeatures.bigcartel.com/product/regular-features-the-t-shirt
72: Merry Eczemas And A Happy Nausea

On this, the day that the first chestburster, Jesus Christ, sprang like a cartoon cuckoo clock from his mother's right tit, we drink port, scoff Stollen, and give each other presents.

25 Dec 2013

Log 6 best ways to make funerals more entertaining and more enjoyable for everybody who goes there

Steve Christmas presents for everyone + Edwin’s trial

Matt the twelve days of features

Gav Gav’s bought (book) gifts for everyone too
113: The GameCity 2014 Live Show

"Who wants a Ding Dong?!"

Haha! Classic Regular Features. But if you don't know what a Ding Dong is or who's offering you one or whether you want one, then you probably missed our GameCity live show last weekend. Luckily for YOU, we have recorded it on 2D soundribbon, ready to be barked back into a three dimensional noisewave by the speaker system of your choice.

What happened? Well, Log reunited the readers with some obscene and long lost friends, Steve cleared up precisely what happened when Roger Helmer visited a sex dungeon, Gav determined if the audience have a drinking problem while Matt measured jugs of our piss for science and entertainment.
Aflevering 270

Joyce en Mick - verkleed als Trudie - doen de afwas.

**S3E036. Aflevering 36 van seizoen 3, deel 1 van Het Huis Anubis.**

## Samenvatting

Victor laat van schrik het flesje in de pan vallen als Patricia en Robbie ineens in de deuropening van de keuken staan. Mick dient het eten op... verkleed als Trudie. Terwijl Victor naar de kelder gaat om te trainen hebben Patricia en Robbie weer plezier samen. Robbie ziet de foto's die Patricia heeft gemaakt en zegt dat hij wel nieuwe kan maken. Hij belooft haar ook dat hij elke cent van de 10.000 euro zal terugbetalen. Van Patricia hoeft dat niet. Victor kijkt verbaad als Joyce en Mick hem vertellen dat het eten niet lekker was. Gelukkig voor Victor heeft Appie als enige wél gegeten. Hij heeft namelijk een oog. Appie is ondertussen erg slaperig door het slaapmiddel van Victor. Tijdens het presenteren van zijn 'massaverdeler'-vest aan de Club valt hij bijna slaap, en hij valt letterlijk in slaap als Jeroen hem vraagt waarom hij weer niet kwam opdagen. Jeroen snapt niet waarom zjin vriend serieus ligt te slapen. Nadat Patricia afscheid heeft genomen van Robbie neemt ze de telefoon op in Victors kantoor. Het is Fabians oom Pierre en hij wil zijn neef spreken. Patricia baalt, want het gaat over de dominostenen. Noa en Jeroen zitten achter de computer om na te denken over de date voor Trudie. Ze komen tot niets, dus de computer is vrij voor Patricia om de advertentie van internet te halen. Appie slaapt, maar als Victor probeert om het Horus-kettinkje van zijn nek te doen schrikt Appie ineens wakker...

## Personages

In deze aflevering zijn de volgende hoofdrollen te zien:

* Nienke Martens (Loek Beernink)
* Amber Rosenbergh (Iris Hesseling)
* Fabian Ruitenburg (Lucien van Geffen)
* Appie Tayibi (Achmed Akkabi)
* Jeroen Cornelissen (Sven de Wijn)
* Patricia Soeters (Vreneli van Helbergen)
* Mick Zeelenberg (Vincent Banic)
* Noa van Rijn (Gamze Tazim)
* Joyce van Bodegraven (Marieke Westenenk)
* Victor Emanuel Rodenmaar Jr. (Walter Crommelin)

In deze aflevering zijn de volgende bijrollen te zien:

* Robbie Lodewijks (Sander van Amsterdam)

In deze aflevering zijn de volgende gast- en figurantenrollen te zien:

* Geen
331: Celery Business

Nothing in this world is certain except Dale Winton coming at you with some celery, demanding you feed it to him, and then slapping it out of your hand and turning away coquettishly when you try to. And taxes.

In this episode you get both. Matt shares his Brexmageddon bunker shopping list. Log dreams about business. Steve offers encouraging commentary.
129: The Big Gay Experiment

With Log and Steve left to their own devices, what will happen in this - the first 100% gay episode of Regular Features? Will there be gay goings on? Will gay things occur? Will a gay bird fly into the room and make gay cawing sounds on the radiator? ANYTHING GAY COULD HAPPEN AND YOU ARE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
371: The Two Biggest Popes

It's a guilt bonanza as Joe, Log and Steve collectively decide to write almost entirely about religion for reasons that will probably become terrifyingly clear to them on their deathbed (they're all going to die together in the same bed).

Read E.H. Macmillan's incredible Bird comic here: https://twitter.com/m4pala/status/1192299673479835648
381: Hashtag smellthewell

## 381: #smellthewell

IT’S TIME ONCE AGAIN TO BECOME ONE WITH THE INEFFABLE COSMIC CLOUD THAT IS SOME FEATURES. SNIFF THE DIRTY SPACE DUST THAT CAME OUT OF THE PUSSY PALS. MARVEL AT THE NEBULAN LIGHTS COMING FROM A CONSTELLATION OF A WELL YOU ARE COMPELLED TO SMELL. BUY A TOUCAN LAMP. IT’S ALL GOOD BABY JUST BE COOL WITH IT.