Episode 101 - The Ariel Parallel

## Book of Doug Touchpoints

The story is improved in discussion with the addition of a Church of the Knife pamphlet (or just knife) delivered by Robber Girl on her way to South Africa (and Unanana).

Carman proposes that the Months' boss is Baba Yaga. This is not discussed.

### Episode Features

* Carman gives options:
	+ Our Lady's Child (Grimm)
	+ **The Twelve Months (Czechoslovakia)**
	+ Cinderstick (Georgia)
* Gordie (semi accidentally) renames them:
	+ Our Fair Lady
	+ Twelve Years a Slave
	+ Cinnamon Buns

## Featured Story

Tyler chooses "The Twelve Months" after some goofing around by Gordie insta-forgetting the titles.

Comes from Fairy Tales of Eastern Europe, selected and retold by Neil Philip. Aarne-Thompson-Uther type 480: The Kind and Unkind Girls

### Overall Plot

* A mother has a daughter (Holena) who she loves and a step-daughter (Marusa) who she hates because Marusa is prettier.
* Marusa doesn't realize her beauty and doesn't know why her stepmom hates her.
* Marusa has to do all of the work while Holena gets to relax but it's all cool because actually Marusa likes to work and isn't upset when Stepmom yells at her.
* Marusa gets prettier and Holena gets uglier so Stepmom gets so mad
* Stepmom is worried that boys will love Marusa instead of Holena so she and Holena start to scheme some schemes
* They starve and beat her but she still keeps getting prettier.
* One day in mid-January, Holena sends Marusa to get some violets. Marusa is confused because it's, you know, snowy outside, but Holena and Stepmom yell and throw her out
* Marusa wanders in the cold snow for a long time being very sad and hungry.
* She sees a light and goes towards it. She comes to the top of a mountain with a big fire surrounded by twelve men silently sitting on twelve stones.
	+ Three have snow-white beards
	+ Three are not so old
	+ Three are younger still
	+ The youngest three are the most handsome

* The men are actually the months (insert shock) and January sits on the highest stone and holds a club.
* Marusa is super scared but gets over it and asks to warm herself at their fire.
* January says, "Sure, but why are you out here?"
* Marusa explains about the violets and her evil stepfamily.
* January gives March the club and the high seat and he uses it to make springtime happen for long enough for Marusa to pick some violets
* Stepfamily is pissed that she came back, but Marusa only says that she found the flowers growing under some bushes. Holena takes them but doesn't let Marusa smell them.
* The next day, it all happens again but with strawberries and June this time.
* Repeat with apples and December.
* Holena and Stepmom are so mad this time that they beat her half to death until she can run away to the kitchen.
* Holena and Stepmom take an apple break and realize that these apples are so amazing, they decide that they need all of them right now.
* Holena bundles up in warm clothes and heads out on an apple quest.
* She finds the months and is really rude to them, then leaves
* January is pissed and calls a huge snow storm that traps Holena in the cold
* Stepmom heads out, thinking that Holena might be eating all the apples
* Marusa does all her chores while she waits for everyone to come back, but they are frozen to death so by default she inherits everything
* Later, she marries "a kind husband" and lives happily ever after.

## Discussion Points

* The Disney wikia has a surprising amount of information about Ariel's sisters.
* Triton and Ursula definitely did the do at least once.
* Honey Crisp is the best apple
* Marusa is more passive than patient. The only real choices she makes are asking politely to share the months' fire and telling them about her situation, which is no small thing in a situation like this but is still pretty passive without an internal monologue.
* Where is dad? Either step-dad or regular dad
* The story would be much improved if Marusa became a Church of the Knife member. She doesn't need to kill the stepfamily, but she does need the knife and to leave them.
* The story definitely needs to stay more inside of her head in terms of giving her more of a character as a more solid foundation for her behavior.
* The months' switching around during this story definitely started a habit that affects Georgia to this day.
* The months are sitting in chronological order but it's unclear how that correlates to their ages. The group concludes that winter is white beards, middle ones are summer, slightly younger is autumn, and spring is youngest.
* A lot of fairytale characters are strawmen, like Marusa being super industrious and Holena doing no work whatsoever, but no one is actually like that.
* The corollary to the months in the Little Mermaid is random fish
	+ Sebastian is June
	+ Flounder is October (because he's scared)
	+ January is "the priest that pops a boner"

#### Notable Quotes:

* Gordie: What if we did what The Worst Idea of All Time does and we just read one fairy tale every day for a year?

Tyler: I veto that immediately! I don't even care which one. I don't want to hear any of them that often.

Carman: I mean, no offense to The Worst Idea of All Time, but I think you just came up with a worse idea.

* Gordie: What if we just don't choose?

Tyler: What would happen?

Carman: I would choose for you.

Tyler: That was less existential than I thought it would be.

* Tyler: If I'm ever a stepmother I'm gonna do the opposite. Fuck my kid!

* Gordie: We're also... I don't know why we're trying to do this with The Little Mermaid when Cinderella is clearly a better corollary.

Tyler: I think that's exactly why.

* Tyler: So you're saying she didn't become a veggie tyrant.

Carman: Yeah, um, I'm saying yes, specifically didn't become a veggie tyrant.

* Carman: Remember, Tyler, we don't wear folklorist hats, we wear dunce hats and we read folklore.