Erotic Cirque Du Soleil

Official art by Simon Greiner

## Episode Order

### Next

The Big Boys of Junkerton (4.02)

 Description

The Dragon Friends have travelled from the dizzying heights of the Barovian Balinoks to the infomatic wastelands of Earth 2075 but it’s time for a homecoming of sorts. We’re back for 2018 with a new campaign setting, new special guests and a whole lot of very familiar murder, theft and bullying.

This episode features musical accompaniment on the goddamn cello by Ange Lavoipierre.

## Synopsis

The destruction of the Freeside station sends the Dragon Friends hurtling though dimensions where they arrive in a study in the City of Brass where Calzone, an efreet, refers to Bobby Pancakes as "Hyperion Max" and hands a box containing a glass orb which he calls "the lance", then realizes he is not who he claimed to be and demands he turn out his pockets. Bobby finds a metal block in his pockets, but Philge ruins his attempt to hide it from the efreet, and Bobby panics and throws the orb at Calzone's head. Freezo snatches the orb back, and Bobby presses the button on the metal block, causing a box containing the Friends' weapons to appear in the room and a sonic scream deafens Calzone and his guards. The Friends burst out of the room's double doors into a high-class party. After trying to persuade Dave that canapes is pronounced *kah-nappies*, the Friends explain their heavily-armed presence at the party by claiming to be *Cirque De Soleil* and attempting acrobatic tricks. This attracts the attention of Janos Steyer, who attempts to recruit them for military tattoos, when Calzone and his guards - armed with assault rifles - burst through the doors behind him.

Fleeing from the guards, the Friends burst into a security station. Freezo floats through in *Gaseous Form*, and Bobby Pancakes attempts to claim that a Duke at the party is allergic to corn (which Freezo smelled of) and his death could cause a planet to fall into war, and is given a bonus to Deception on the grounds that "you've hit a lot of points that are roughly true". The Friends race through the room and see the City of Brass outside the building, a strange burning landscape of twisted ziggurats. Pinned down by the guards and Calzone, the Friends discover that each one of them is wearing a crystal bracer with a ruby heart button in the center. Philge presses her heart button and a voice speaks claiming to be "LOGAN" and instructing them to press the buttons again, which transports of them all to the deck of a crystalline ship passing through space where a projected image, claiming to be Logan, says he can restore their memories. Freezo experimentally sits on a throne in the room and touches the two crystal orbs on it, causing him to sit bolt upright and a disembodied voice to report that "translocation" is in progress. Logan panics and says he cannot restore their memories in time, but refers to Freezo as "Navigator Freezopherson", Baston as "Science Officer Indrirovich", Bobby Pancakes as "Lieutenant Pancakes" who has planned a trip to "Wild Space", and Philge as Captain of the ship. The translocation process activates, sending the ship elsewhere.

## People

### Dragon Friends

* Philge
* Freezo
* Bobby Pancakes
* Baston

### Non-Player Characters (NPCs)

* Calzone (Caliphan)
* Jayne Steyer
* LOGAN

## Themes, tropes and running jokes

* Kung Fu Baston
* Corn
* Philge in Charge Now

## Quotes

* "Have you ever seen anybody, in any pop culture, ever refuse an ORB?" - Ben Jenkins
* "I scream 'What are you?'. Does he answer my question while I'm hugging him?" "I'm uncomfortable."
* Philge Straps It To Her Chest: "You're using the *table* as a *human* shield?" "Philge has never wielded a shield that wasn't animate."

## Table Talk

* Dave pronounces canapés (party food) like "canopies" (the shady overhangs) and the gang tries to convince him they're really "ca-*nappies*" (like babies wear)
* "Freezopherson" is a throwback to the fake surname Ben gave Freezo in the Melbourne Special
* The credits at the end of the episode are read by Demi Lardner, who refers to Michael Hing as "Mitchell Hinge"