The Duchess

**Gertrude, Duchess of Epsom** (most commonly known simply as The Duchess) is the wife of Duke Clarence of Epsom and resides in Epsom Hall in the *Belinda Blinked* books who was introduced to the main character when she won a night of passion with her at a tombola organised by Sir James Godwin for the Asses and Donkeys Trust. After coming to terms with Belinda, The Duchess promised Belinda to meet all the sexual hierarchy circles in the land by adopting Belinda as her own sex servant, beginning the duo's passionate relationship.

In addition to being a senior member of the nobility of the United Kingdom (and a goddaughter of Queen Elizabeth II), The Duchess is the head of all British Intelligence Services, overseeing such organisations as MI6. She is also a founding member of the Confidential Order of Cookware Knights and is instrumental in the arrest of Herr Wolfgang Bisch and Agent XYZ alongside Helga Jonker.

## Appearance

The Duchess is a woman in her 50s, and her body is described as being quite good for her age. Her breasts are apparently very thin and light. Her stomach muscles attest to an intense childbirth, which fits with the later revelation that she had an illegitimate child with her ski instructor.

As a member of the British aristocracy, her fashion is often very upper-class and put-together. Her symbol is her white Panama hat, which she first appears in, along with her white linen pantsuit. She sometimes wears reading glasses.

## Biography

### Season 1

The Duchess attends the Tombola hosted by Sir James Godwin along with other men and women. She wears a white linen trouser suit with her panama hat. When the Tall Man auctioned Belinda, the Duchess bids her for £200 after a slow bid. When the Tombola ended, the Duchess takes Belinda to the stables, strips her and hoses her down naked whilst fondling Belinda's breasts. She then pushes Belinda into a horsebox containing a sofa and gin and tonic for them. Belinda dropped some alcohol onto her body, followed by the Duchess erotically licking her body to slurp up the liquid. When finished, the Duchess got into the vehicle attaching the horsebox and roughly drove to a private motel. When the Duchess arrived at the motel, she leaves Belinda for half an hour to change into her horse riding gear and crop.

The Duchess takes Belinda into a chalet-styled building. She takes the naked Belinda to a wet room and turns on a shower and undresses herself. She washes her and Belinda with toiletries. She frowned at Belinda when she didn't refer to the Duchess as "my lady" and whips her on her ass harshly, whilst referring to Belinda as "servant".

She takes Belinda to a bedroom and orders her to masturbate in front of her. The Duchess left Belinda and returns with two gin and tonics, then massages Belinda.

### Season 2

The Duchess is referenced in Bella's recount of her day leading up to the Tombola. During Bella's story, the Duchess' husband Clarence is first introduced. Apparently, Sir James Godwin had asked Clarence to look after Bella, so he showed her some family portraits in the family manor house, and then took her to a bedroom to have sex with her.

After drawing on Bella's body with lipstick, he was just about the get stuck in (so to speak), when the Duchess walked in. Upon finding her husband sleeping around, she kicked Bella out and started whipping Clarence with her horse crop. It is believed that this event is what caused her to bid on Belinda at the Tombola, to get revenge on her husband.

### Season 3

The Duchess meets Belinda at the Ritz spa, and while in the mud room invites her to a special dinner party and show-jumping event at Epsom Hall, suggesting Belinda might meet some of her close circle. Belinda agrees enthusiastically, and after the spa, both women drive up to Epsom.

At Epsom Hall, the Duchess states that while Belinda is there, she is not allowed to have sex with anyone but her. Belinda agrees readily. After dropping off their luggage, the Duchess reveals that Belinda's ensuite has a secret entrance to the Duchess' private boudoir, accessed by pushing the flush on the toilet the wrong way, causing a portion of the wall to swing out.

The boudoir has a range of sex toys, dildos, sexual jewellery, rubber clothing, masks, and hats. The Duchess gets Belinda to put two vibrating silver bullets (known as 'love eggs') into her vagina, and turns them on by remote. Belinda tries to initiate sex, but unfortunately the Duchess has to leave to prepare for the arrival of her guests for the dinner party. Before leaving, she also explains that the boudoir has another door which connects to her own bedroom, meaning that she and Belinda have interconnecting rooms.

Later that night, the guests start making their way down to dinner. First is Sir James Godwin, who recognises Belinda. As they exchange small talk, the Duchess turns on the love eggs, unbeknownst to Sir James. Next, the Duchess' husband Clarence appears, and checks out Belinda. Bored with Clarence, the Duchess turns up the love eggs, making Belinda grunt instinctively. As Belinda stammers out an explanation for her strange exclamation, the Duchess whisks her off the meet the other dinner guests. They are Tara Gold (a TV executive and journalist), the Duchess' dear friend Jim Walters (CEO of Apollo Security Agencies), Norman Asquith (OBE and city banker), and Norman's companion for the evening, Chiara Montague (fashion designer to the rich and famous).

After dinner, as the guests are mingling, the Duchess turns out both love eggs by pushing all the buttons on the remote like a xylophone. Belinda's intense reaction to this (eyeballs rolling out of their sockets, grabbing her crotch) ignites a fervent debate among the dinner guests as to whether she has been struck down with food poisoning from the frozen chicken kiev served for dinner. The Duchess suggests everyone retire for the night, and everyone goes back to their room.

Belinda makes her way through to the Duchess' room, stopping off in the secret sex-toy room to dress herself up in various pieces of clamped sexual jewellery. The Duchess puts a stop to Belinda's plans, however, explaining that she's exhausted, and that they have a full and riveting day ahead of them.

The next morning, the Duchess and Belinda attend the Batwood Park Under 19's Ladies Showjumping Trial Event (or the BPUNLSTE). The Duchess has arranged to meet a friend of hers, Pénélope Pollet, half-sister to Chiara Montague and Purchasing Director of the French hypermarket chain Fivecar (spelling uncertain). Pénélope arrives, meets the Duchess, and is introduced to Belinda. The Duchess and Belinda stay long enough to set Pénélope's daughter, Katrina Pollet, win the Best Effort prize and come 8th out of 10.

They then drive back to Epsom, and in the driveway they finally have sex in the car. During this session, the Duchess seemingly gives birth to the Antichrist, and causes irreparable damage to the interior of the expensive hire car. After they finish, Belinda leaves the still-naked Duchess writhing on the gravel, cheerily says her goodbyes, and leaves her there.

### Season 4

The Duchess meets up with Belinda and the Contessa Lucia Lorenzo at at the Central London Ritz cocktail bar. The three women have dinner together, then head to the underground bar known as Buckley's for a ladies' night out. Once there, the Duchess leaves Belinda and Lucia to enjoy Zachariah's Magic Wand, while she goes off with a muscle-boy bodybuilder with a tiny pea-head. The women meet back up at the bar several hours later, and get driven back to the Ritz by Des Martin. Back at the Ritz, the Duchess goes to bed.

She next appears at the top-secret inaugural meeting of the Confidential Order of Cookware Knights, and she and her beautiful horse, Toffee Apple Chew, are victims in the bombing of Steele's Pots and Pans.

### Season 5

The Duchess is one of the first members of COCK to rise in the aftermath of the attack on Steele's Pots and Pans. When it is discovered that Bella Ridley has been badly hurt, she calls an ambulance.

After Belinda and James Spooner's disastrous spy mission in Herr Bisch's schloss, the Duchess is revealed to be the overall head of British intelligence services, or M. Her secret base in Germany is hidden behind the deep fat fryer in a takeaway establishment called "It Curry be Wurst". She tells Belinda and Spooner that Giselle and George have fled to Australia, and she plans on sending the two spies after them. She then dismisses Spooner from the room and has sex with Belinda, on his desk of intelligence, right next to the missile-launching button.

After Belinda, Bella, and Spooner are captured in Australia by Giselle and George, the Duchess rides to the safe house where some of the remaining members of COCK are hiding out. She tells them of their friends' plight, and reveals to Tony that his younger brother is a backstabbing bastard.

### Season 6

In Australia, the Duchess sends her associate Señor Zip to test Belinda's kindness to strangers, which she later reveals is her test to find defenders for the PM. After another round of sex in her cave lair (which leads to her bruising her hip) in front of several security cameras, she informs Belinda that a background goon named Mr Hushman has stolen the blueprints for the Tri-Oxy Brillo Range and is seeking to sell them on the black market. To convey the severity of the threat the Duchess shakes Belinda and shouts "IF BISCH GETS THE BLUEPRINTS STEELE'S POTS AND PANS IS FINISHED!"

Later, in East Berlin, the Duchess and American FBI Agent Helga arrive in the nick of time to rescue Belinda and the blueprints from Bisch and Burt's clutches. Afterwards, she, Helga, and Belinda have sex in Belinda's hotel room to celebrate their success before a mysterious knock on the door.

## Appearances

* Season 1 episodes 7, 8, 12, 13
* Season 2 episode 10 (*mentioned in flashback*)
* Season 3 episodes 2, 3, 4
* Season 4 episodes 4, 5, 13
* Season 5 episodes 1, 7, 8, 13
* Season 6 episodes 3, 9, 10 (*mentioned*)
* Christmas Porno's 2, 3 (*voice only)*, 5, 6

## Notes

* The Duchess was an amateur cross-country ski champion in her 20's.
* Her ski instructor at Swiss finishing school, François Gérard, got her pregnant.
* The Duchess is an avid flower-arranger.
* In her role as espionage agent, the Duchess has killed a man called Archibald Duncan. This makes her one of four characters in the show so far to have killed someone, the others being Giselle, George, and Maeve.