Neil Kingston

A brown stoner hare who started cutting back on the same following the death of his grandfather. Jessie Kingston's twin, usually called just "Kingston." Lived with Richard Edwards and Norman Gates after getting kicked out of his flat, with his rich family paying for Kingston's room and board. Practically invisible without his trademark hat. Main activities involve lazing about, growing cannabis and smoking it, occasionally having acid and other mind-altering substances, deep thoughts about life, and bad ideas. Better than Gates at games. Doesn't have a driver's license but hasn't let that stop him. Openly attracted to Anne but not willing to act on it. Would have been highly valued for the Kingston Game as a quiet observer but refuses to participate. Specifically featured in the 100th comic, the "totally inoffensive S.S.D.D." comic, and a Valentine's Day special.

## Stoner Phase

In an early comic, Kingston states that he gets rent money from sperm donation, but later his family sends money directly to Richard. He is also introduced as a bartender where Richard orders a drink. Once, he shares a laugh with Gates when Richard and Anne are in the throes of mating season, after he explains the details of fox anatomy. (Gates seems oblivious to the details of sex in general.) Otherwise he is generally hands off regarding Gates's activities, unless they involve him.

When Richard and Anne put together a home video of their bedroom activities, Kingston finds the tape after Richard passes out from exhaustion and decides to check it out. He ends up switching the tape with Gates's subliminal message video, which Gates tries to get him to watch, but he refuses after the "party trick." After the subliminal message fails to work on Richard, Gates tries it on Kingston after some coercing, but it doesn't work on Kingston either.

When Anne has PMT, Richard flees the house in a hurry, leaving Kingston directly in the line of fire. When Richard calls, Kingston complains that he left his "psycho girlfriend" behind to punch the daylights out of Gates, and also Anne stole his hat and threatened to burn it if he ever left the toilet seat up again. Kingston and Gates survive by shooting her with a tranquiliser dart.

Kingston and Gates steal Anne's vibrators and race them, but she has her revenge.

Kingston is eager to switch rooms with Gates, as his is next to Richard's and from there he can hear everything they do. Gates quickly learns why Kingston wanted to trade and eventually goes catatonic from lack of sleep. Richard asks Kingston what he gave Gates, and Kingston admits that it was something from Stretch, who Kingston normally doesn't trust,so it could literally be anything. Richard starts to get concerned about Gates, but Kingston wants to blow him off, since Gates is Richard's friend and only threatens to kill Kingston every day. However, Richard talks him into cooperating after threatening to go to the police about the weed Kingston is growing in his attic. He admits that Stretch keeps mixing up his pills, though, so it will be lucky if he is still alive and coherent enough to be helpful. Luckily, he is, and Stretch insists that all he gave Kingston was aspirin. Kingston then figures out that Gates is just asleep with his eyes open. Richard is baffled as to why Gates would be so tired, and Kingston points out that the walls are so thin that he can recite their pillow talk word for word. Richard panics and decides to look into soundproofing and earplugs.

One day, Richard happens to check the downstairs loo and finds it in a disgusting state, and he yells at Gates and Kingston about how they're bound by their tenancy contract to either maintain the property or pay for its cleaning/repair. They contest that they never signed such a thing, but Richard points out they did for free beer without reading the contract. Gates and Kingston make fun of each other for overdressing for the cleaning job and do very little actual cleaning in the process, with Kingston huffing air freshner and Gates freaking him out by spraying cleaner at him. High Kingston is frightened by the monster in the loo until Anne points out that it's Gates. He then confesses to being weirded out by the moving picture on the wall with Dylan from "The Magic Roundabout" in it, and she explains that's a mirror.

When Kingston gets three months behind on rent, he gives Richard his hookah to distract him from the money. Richard gets artistic, then they both freak out over Boohbah. Anne then comes by and asks Kingston why Richard is flipping out in the cupboard and distracting her from work, and he explains that Richard is so stoned he'll believe anything that plays to his paranoia. Anne tells him about "everything," even about the "beans and hamsters." Kingston later congratulates Richard on seeing the garden gnome move, because they're tricky.

When Nathan shows up looking for a place to stay, Richard offers the guest room as his other properties are occupied for the next few weeks. He is furious when he goes to make the room up, though, as Kingston has gotten rid of all the furniture and has been using the room for growing cannabis. Richard threatens to throw him out despite their years of friendship, but Kingston offers to buy new furniture to make up for it as long as Richard at least lets him move the plants first since he had to steal them from his dadborrow the seed from an old hippie.

When Nathan takes a break from writing his journal, Gates sets off a rocket that temporarily blinds Nathan. Kingston asks if Nathan is okay, and he says he will be once he stops seeing the weird colours and shapes. Kingston thinks Nathan is taking some hallucinogens and asks to try some. Nathan uses the blindness as an excuse to stay in while Richard, Kingston, and Gates go out drinking. Gates belts out the Sid Vicious version of "My Way" during karaoke, which Kingston points out isn't the real words, but Richard replies that it's the only one Gates knows the words to. Kingston thinks Nathan is going to be gutted that he missed the spectacle. On the way back into the house, Kingston questions Richard what the house is even supposed to look like. Richard supposes it's mock Gregorian, and Gates replies it's flat out taking the piss.

Nathan tries calling his lawyer using Richard's pay phone, but using a trick to avoid paying. Kingston sees him and asks how he's making calls for free, and Nathan explains the principles behind "pulse dialing" and why it still works in an era of digital phones. Kingston wants to try it himself, but his ride arrives, a Kingston waste management truck.

Gates sees a commercial for swimming and gets it in his head to have everyone go swimming together. Richard yells at Kingston not to smoke in the car, and Kingston complains that Richard used to let him smoke in the old car. Richard reminds him of exactly what happened to the old car as a result of that. He then asks which pool they want to go to, and Gates and Kingston both shout "BOGNOR!" So Richard takes the two five-year-olds to Butlin's. Inside, Richard undresses in front of Nathan, who is startled by Richard's size. He starts to point it out to Gates and Kingston, who interrupt him by saying, "WE KNOW." Gates tells Nathan to stop complaining, because they had to grow up with that. Kingston says it was worse before they convinced Richard not to wear Speedos.

Anne informs Nathan that Kingston is looking for him and seemed a little concerned. Nathan tracks him down, but at first Kingston can't remember why he wanted to see him. He then remembers that Nathan was a DJ, and while Nathan tries to blow it off as nothing special, Kingston assures him that getting out of bed before noon is impressive to a stoner. Kingston even gives him his hookah to help with what he thinks is Nathan's self-esteem issues. Nathan instead starts to question the number of fingers and toes he should have, though Kingston argues it would be harder to draw.

Kingston finally stops beating around the bush and asks if Nathan would DJ for a "get-together" in the coming week. Nathan agrees before he has a chance to realise what he's agreeing to, and Kingston is appreciative, as they were having problems finding a DJ for his grandfather's funeral. Nathan contests that his music isn't really fitting for a funeral, but Kingston clarifies it's for the after party, as his grandfather was very clear that it should be a celebration of life, and if the neighbours didn't complain about the noise, they were doing it wrong. As he reflects on the bad decision of agreeing to the gig, Nathan assures himself it will be fine as it's only going to be a few family members in an empty hall, which is when Kingston confirms that the McGees coming means another 200 people for catering.

## Clean-up Phase

Kingston is completely sober for the funeral, which displeases him. He changes out of his normal outfit and into a plain white shirt and jeans. Richard questions his lack of hat, and Kingston says it didn't feel tasteful. He tells Richard to take them to his home first, so Nathan can set up.

Richard is impressed when "straight-edge Kingston" remembers the remote for the first gate, and Kingston says he will make Richard eat the remote if he says that again. Richard then announces their arrival at the second gate, but Kingston says Roderick should know Richard's face by now. Roderick does indeed recognise Richard and compliments him on taking care of "Benjamin's boy." This annoys Kingston, who counters that he is older than Richard, but Roderick retorts that when he acts like an adult, he will treat him like one. The two take pot shots at each other, and Kingston is angry that Roderick only thinks of him as a useless stoner. Richard reminds him that he calls Kingston a useless stoner all the time, but Kingston whines that Richard at least does it when he *is* a useless stoner and doesn't care.

When they stop, Nathan is let down by the smallish "mansion" before them, until Kingston points him in the correct direction. Nathan comments that he didn't know Kingston was rich, but Kingston says he isn't, his family is. Richard pokes fun at how the family sends Kingston's allowance directly to him instead of letting Kingston smoke it all. Rather than be annoyed, Kingston says he should be grateful, since he doesn't like living off handouts, but working seems like hard work.

Kingston's nephew answers the door and greets them, then shouts to Kingston's mother that "Uncle Neil and his carer are here!" *This* annoys Kingston, as it suggests Richard is a caretaker for helpless idiots, which only makes Richard wonder if changing his job title would get him a tax break. Kingston's mum greets them at the door and tells him he doesn't have to wait outside. Kingston then asks how his dad is doing, and his mum admits that Ben is putting on a brave face and strong front despite his feelings, to avoid showing weakness. Kingston scoffs the family, that they still think they have a chance of running the business. Kingston's mum assures him that Ben is almost guaranteed to become the next head of the family, but Kingston asks about his uncle Peter. She laughs and says he's in prison for setting up a shell company as a tax dodge, although he has compassionate leave to attend the funeral.

Kingston happens upon Nathan and Anne in the garden, talking about hemp. Anne is angry at him for sneaking up on them, but Kingston says he doesn't mean to do it, just that no one notices him in garish clothing, so jeans and a t-shirt should make him invisible. Anne asks how long he has been standing there, but he assures them that he can keep a secret about talking about the Cook phone. Anne agrees, "Phone. Right." He then asks why Anne and Nathan are standing in the garden and invites them to visit the rest of the grounds, including the pool, hot tub, and sauna.

Kingston then asks Anne for specifics on making super batteries from hemp, and she corrects him, that they're supercapacitors that will replace batteries and could solve the world's problem of energy storage. Anne notes that they use industrial grade hemp with almost no THC in it, and Kingston counters that he's aware of industrial hemp, pointing out that it's good for hiding the good stuff, like hiding pins in a stack of pins.

Finally Kingston breaks off the conversation to show Nathan to the hall where he will set up his DJ equipment. Nathan is impressed by the console and the acoustics, less so by the fact that hundreds of people will be at the funeral, most of them sucking up during the power shuffle: besides the family, there will be business men and politicians, plus the police looking after prisoner Peter. Nathan is excited about his impending panic attack, until noticing the Beats headphones under the console sets off his audio snob reflexes. He explains to Kingston that the headphones trick people by being priced as though they're high quality when they're not, and Kingston compares that to having a pusher sell the lowest quality drugs as top-tier. Nathan then assures Kingston the equipment is much more than he was expecting, and he was acting like a starving man turning his nose up at food that wasn't gluten-free.

After the funeral service, Kingston meets with his parents along with the family friend Duncan. He asks Ben how he is doing, and Ben assures him he is fine and not to let him hold him up from seeing his friends. Duncan interrupts and says Kingston shouldn't let that get his father off the hook from talking to his son. Ben wants Duncan to stay out of it, but Duncan insists that the "brave face" is bullshit, and he needs to be able to be genuine with his family. Duncan and Kingston exchange a (very) few words before Duncan excuses himself to let them talk. Ben finally concedes and admits that he will be fine handling affairs, and he will... eventually... be okay with losing his father. He continues by acknowledging they have a difference of opinion on Kingston's lifestyle, but he hopes that Kingston will consider what he's doing with his life, in light of his grandfather's death. Although he wishes Kingston would join the family business, he doesn't want that to let Kingston stop him from following his heart.

On the way back to the house, Richard asks Kingston if he's okay. Kingston notes that his father just looked... sad. Richard comments that seems normal, but Kingston remarks that he had only ever seen his father hover between anger and disappointment.

At the after(life) party, Kingston acts as a bartender, insisting that Richard enjoy a drink, as he can always stay the night. Jessie comes over and agrees with Kingston, that they can stay in the gatehouse like old times. He introduces himself to Anne before they leave the bar to join Heather in a booth. There, Jessie and Anne get to talking about Kingston, with Anne noting how he isn't the most "lucid" of people. Jessie contests that Kingston can be plenty coherent, especially if he doesn't want to be noticed. He asks if Kingston still wears the baggy clothes, which seem like they would make him stand out but actually do the opposite, and he can blend into the background, making you forget he's there. Hence why Ben is upset Kingston doesn't want to join the business, as there is value in someone who can be quiet and unnoticeable. Jessie notes that Kingston probably isn't lazy but just doesn't want the conflict that comes with the family money.

Jessie notes that Anne almost called his brother "Kingston" in front of him, rather than Neil. The reason that Richard and Gates did this when they knew two Kingstons is "Kingston" is both Jessie and Neil, since as twin kids they would be inseparable.

Late that night, Kingston steps outside overlooking the pool. He lights up and takes a drag, then throws it in the pool. He watches it float for a minute, then smiles and goes back inside the house.

By Richard's recommendation, Kingston starts working for the contractor Richard hires to work on the new house. He does so under the alias "George" so his co-workers won't treat him differently. The contractor is concerned that "George" is working too hard, however, which Kingston explains is a countermeasure against boredom and relapsing, as well as a genuine sense of accomplishment.

Richard takes Kingston to the Lamb & Cannon for a break, and Richard admits he is happy that Kingston stopped smoking. Kingston is miffed at Richard's lack of faith, but Richard clarifies that he means he wasn't sure about Kingston's ability to handle Gates. Kingston points out that Gates hasn't been around much to worry about him.

At that point, Katie spots them and says hello. Richard is apologetic, but Katie forgives him for his transgressions from years ago. Kingston feels awkward about her presence, though. Katie confesses that she would rather hang out with an ex than her family, and Richard suggests they could fool around like old times. They join Anne for a game of Mario Party (presumably), which Kingston complains is bullshit. Kingston getting riled up over the game impresses Anne, who notices a resemblance to his twin. However, he leaves when he remembers that he had promised to visit his mum.

## Known Sexual Relations

* His landlord's daughter
* has expressed interest in Anne

What does Christmas mean to you? Kingston 2 3 4

* featured in a t-shirt sample design