John

John is the fourth chapter in the Wombles Seven.

Back at New Steed Manor there was another knock at the door.  Clary answered it.  She was shocked to see a big red demon with horns and four eyes. She got out her dagger. “What kind of demon are you?” she demanded. “Who are you?” asked Trigon, who had actually come to kill the King and Queen since he hadn’t known they were out.

Clary was just about to kill him when Trigon suddenly noticed something and ran away too quickly for her to follow, having been injured by Lillian earlier on. She shut the door and went to continue drawing the people she’d seen whilst being held prisoner, which she intended to show the police.

Mal had somehow wound up on The Isle Of The Lost and for some reason, Audrey seemed to be there. “Audrey??????????????” said Mal, incredibly confused. “What are you doing on The Isle? And when did you dye your hair???? That’s a lot of colours….”

Audrey looked even more confused than Mal was. “Oh, er, I…I think I somehow went back in time? Are you Queen yet?” “Queen?!” exclaimed Mal. “No, I’m just a Lady Of The Court!” “Is Uma still a villain?” “Um…yes?” “Oh. I take it Harry is too then?” “Uh…whyyyyyyy?” “No reason.”

Suddenly, Evie appeared. “How did I wind up here?” she asked. “We don’t know how any of us got here.” Said Mal & Audrey, surprised to be saying exactly the same thing. “Oh.” Said Evie.

Clary was still drawing. Unfortunately, she’d forgotten to put down her dagger and it clattered to the floor, which was so hard that it smashed it to pieces. A moment later, there was yet another knock at the door. She answered it, and discovered that Trigon had returned to see if Steed & Cathy had returned. She went to get out her dagger and then realized she’d just smashed it to pieces. Trigon was carrying a black sack. He put his hand over Clary’s mouth to knock her unconscious and then stuffed her into it (the sack, that is, not her mouth).

Mal, Evie & Audrey had gone into Ursula’s Fish & Chips since they figured Uma’s crew wouldn’t be there if they working with Katy just now. None of them had gotten what they actually ordered, but they didn’t care since they were mostly here to discuss getting off The Isle, how they’d wound up there to begin with, and how in the world Audrey had managed to accidentally time-travel.

Clary had been taken to somewhere by the sea and was currently wishing very hard that she hadn’t destroyed her dagger. “Stupid Clary!” she muttered. “Of course you shouldn’t hold your dagger while drawing!” She raised  her voice and asked Trigon again, “What kind of demon are you? And what do you want with me?” she added. Trigon just said, “My name is Trigon and plan to torture you slowly to death.” “Ah.” Said Clary. “Why would you want to do that?” Trigon merely began the process.

Back at New Steed Manor, there was yet *another* knock at the door, but of course there was no-one there to answer it. She wasn’t sure why she was knocking anyway, considering the door was wide open. She walked in. “Hello?” she called. “Hello!”

She had been looking for Harry (Potter) for hours now, and still hadn’t succeeded. All she could see was a sketchbook and a million tiny pieces of metal. She huffed frustratedly and walked out.

Harry and Constantine were in the Tearoom that Shansi had visited to discuss business.  Constantine got out a card and showed it to Harry. It had a picture of Seagirl on it.

“That’s what she looks like.” He said.

Harry wasn’t properly listening, and asked: “So what’s your job again?”

A little annoyed, Constantine took the card back, waved his hand over it, and gave it back to Harry.  Harry read out what it now said.

“John Constantine, exorcist, demonologist, and master of the dark arts.  Do you teach the Defence Against the Dark Arts class at Hogwarts?”

“No, too busy doing the real thing.  Mind you, I’d probably be sent straight out anyway.  Most folk don’t approve of my methods.”

“I see.  So, who else knows about the mission?”

“No-one except old McGonagall unless you’ve told any of your mates.”

“No, I haven’t.”

“Well in that case, you might want to make a few phone calls. We might not be getting out of this one alive.”

“…What are we up against?”

“Cadmus aren’t the only ones after the folk with magic an’ that, Harry.  They’re being hunted by a demon who goes by the name of Trigon.  And I tell you, I’ve fought demons before, but even I could never stop this one alone.  He has a daughter, too.  A young girl who he named Raven.  Though legally her title is Rachel Roth.  He’s trying to bring out the demon in her so she can work with him.  So she’s on our list of people who we need to protect.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

“I couldn’t risk any non-muggles hearing and wreaking panic among the people.  But there’s no-one but muggles here, so they won’t be interested.”

“Excuse me” said the man who ran the tearooms, “I couldn’t help but overhear what you just said.  I don’t have special abilities or anything, although… Don’t tell anyone this, but all my siblings do.”

“I see.” Said Constantine.  “And what are the names of those siblings?”

“Well, you would probably know them as Mouseman, Mousegirl, Seaboy and Seagirl.”

Constantine ushered his usual swear word under his breath, but Harry looked annoyed at him and told the man, “Okay.  We’ll take that into account.  By the way, what’s your name?”

“Well, it says on the door.  John’s tearooms.  I’m John Kingsley.  You?”

“John Constantine.” Said Constantine, somewhat frustrated by the fact that he shared a name with this person.

“Oh.” Said John Kingsley.  “So you copied my name, and your friend copied my glasses.”

Constantine and Harry stared at him until he walked away.

At that moment, Steed and Cathy came in with Commander Bond following closely behind.  They walked up to Constantine and Harry’s table and asked,

“Is that a wand you’ve got there, sir?”

Harry grasped his wand tightly and quietly said, “Hush. The muggles will hear you.”

Steed didn’t listen.  “You might want to put it away, we’ve been informed of a group called Cadmus who want to destroy all wizards, witches, aliens and metahumans.”

“We know about Cadmus, you idiot!” said Constantine. “We’re here working to protect people from them!  Who are you, anyway?”

“I’m John, John Steed.”

Constantine groaned and replied, “John, John Constantine.”

The café owner came back, shook Steed’s hand, and said, “John, John Kingsley.”

Commander Bond then began, “Bond, J-“

“Let me guess.  John Bond.” Interrupted Constantine.

“No, James Bond, but I have a cousin called John in Calgary.”

“Cathy, Cathy Steed.” Said Cathy.

“So, uh… Are we going to be working together?” asked Constantine.

“No.” said Steed, Cathy, Commander Bond and John Kingsley all at the same time, then they all walked out the building.  Constantine stared after them, then turned back to Harry and asked, “Now, where were we?”