Mr Teddy Bear

Mr Teddy Bear is the eighth chapter of the Wombles Five. If you were looking for the Wombles Six chapter, see Mr Teddy Bear (W6V). If you were looking for the character, see Edward Bruin.

Steed, Purdey and Cathy landed in the former Queen Anna’s Rolls Royce.  Grandma was in the back with two blue cats on his head.  He hand a picture to Steed.  This is Mr Teddy Bear.  “That’s a nice name for a teddy, do you cuddle him in bed?” asked Steed. “No!  He is the overlord of SCAR!” replied Grandma.  “But isn’t Tara in charge of SCAR now?” asked Cathy. “No!  That’s just the UK branch!  Mr Teddy Bear is THE leader!  SCAR is international!  Mr Teddy Bear leads SCARE!” added Grandma.  “SCARE?” asked Purdey.  “Boo!” shouted Cathy making Purdey jump.  “SCAR, Society of Chaos and Ransack!” explained Steed.  “You’re out of date!  SCARE!  Society of Chaos and Ransack Everywhere!” finished Grandma.

“Here is Mr Teddy Bear’s last known address.  Steed we need you to stop him.  By the way you need another man with you to help.”  Grandma said this expecting trouble and he got it.  “Why a man?” asked Cathy and Purdey together.  “Mr Teddy Bear only makes deals with men.  No deal no cover” replied Grandma.  “I am the Queen!  You work for me.  Ergo you work for Steed!” shouted Cathy.  “Calm down it’s OK.  Our employee Grandma has just supplied good information.  I’ll take him with” said Steed.  “No!” objected Grandma.  “SACKED!” said Cathy, tied him in a sack and threw him into the Thames.  She called Mother.  Mother came quick because he was doing his brandy diet.  “You know about Mr Teddy Bear?” asked Mother.  “Yes I’ll take Gambit” said Steed.  “We don’t trust him.  Trying to kill Mrs Peel.  He could be a double!” replied Mother.  “OK then who?” asked Steed.  “Commander Bond” replied Mother.  “Bond? Commander Bond?” said Steed in disbelief.

“Why not?” asked Cathy. “Because he can’t even defeat wombles with swords!” replied Steed.  Suddenly Bond appeared from the back.  “Bond, Commander” he started to say.  “Bond, we know!” said Purdey.  “Bungo, I’ll take Bungo” said Steed.  “Bungo? You’d choose a womble over me?” said Bond.  Purdey knocked him out, tied him in a sack and threw him into the Thames.

Meanwhile Mr Teddy Bear was listening.  “Well now we know who they will send!  Tara my dear I will give them a rendezvous of Hyde Park rose garden.  Five o clock tomorrow on the grey broken bench.  Kill the womble and bring me Steed!”

Tara was just about to go when she remembered something. “Oh, Mr Teddy Bear?” she said. “Yes, Tara?”. “You know how Mrs Peel left, right?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “And how about the hidden tigers in cats?” Still she left no pause. “Well, Mrs Peel left because of a man called Mike Gambit. So we could get some dogs-like Katie, Sheba & Freckles-and bring out their hidden wolves!” “Yes, that sounds good,” replied Mr Teddy Bear. “But please do as you’re told. Then we’ll get right to it.”

Suddenly Cathy & Purdey felt they were waking up. “But we weren’t asleep.” Murmured Purdey, hardly hearing herself. Cathy got right up & realized they were back in the multi-coloured place. She then saw that Mother, Grandma & Commander Bond were unconscious on the floor. So was Steed.

Cathy walked to the machine & saw that it was fixed. Someone had accidentally left their repair plans on top of it. Cathy picked them up. There was a lot to read but there was a particularly important part. Apparently, the machine had been upgraded to cause placed illusions where SCARE could listen in to possible secret conversations. They could bring in the most likely people without them knowing. “The 15-coloured door!” Cathy suddenly whispered. “Purdey!” she hissed. Purdey groaned & got up. After trying to wake Steed for half an hour, they had to give up & carry him. Then they went to find the door.

Mrs Peel was wondering where Gambit had gone.  She looked all round Grand Steed Manor, all round Eat At Joe’s, all round avengers HQ, all round New Steed Manor, all round Steed Crater, all round Womble Crater and all round the beach with a cliff above it but couldn’t find him anywhere. She got a train to Scotland and started searching there.  Suddenly she found a hole in a hill.  She leapt down it and saw a man in a metal mask.  “Who are you?” she asked.  The man in the mask wrote something on his umbrella and showed it to her.  It said, “I will not tell anyone until you are killed!” Mrs Peel kicked him.  He wrote “Ow!” on his umbrella.  “Just speak!” said Mrs Peel and quickly took his metal mask off of him.  “Wha…” she said.  “Peter?!?! Why do you want me dead?” “Because you betrayed me, now give me my mask back!” replied Peter.  “No.” said Mrs Peel.  “Anywhere, you were killed.”  “So were you.” Replied Peter.  “So SCAR brought you back to life, did they, even though I told them not to so that I could marry Steed, although, no I’m going to marry Mike Gambit…I think, but he keeps trying to kill me.”  “I know that!” replied Peter.  “I told him to kill you!  And anyway, you can’t marry him, we’re married.”  “Yes, but you want me dead so I’ll just kill you.”  She quickly pressed the ruby on his immortality device and ran away.

Suddenly she bumped into Gambit.  “You don’t have to kill me anymore, I pressed the ruby on Peter’s immortality device.” She said.  “I don’t care if he’s dead!  I’m going to kill you anyway!”  “Why?” Gambit just knocked her out, but had no idea of how he was going to try to kill her this time, because three different things had failed, so he kept her in his house for a while, and knocked her out again every time she woke up.

Cathy looked at Purdey searchingly and asked “Purdey, do you love Gambit?”.  Purdey looked as inscrutable as she could, which wasn’t very much, and replied “no, I’m not silly girl”.  “Well why do I get the feeling you are every time you see him?” asked Cathy.  “I’m not a feeling” replied Purdey but Cathy had stopped listening.  “Why do I have the feeling we are going round in circles?” she asked.  “Because Mother, Grandma and that silly man in camo gear are here?” replied Purdey. “That would be it” said Cathy. “My head!” said a croaky voice. “Steed!  You’re awake!” shouted Purdey.  “Who is Steed?” asked Steed.  “John? Do you recognise me?” asked Cathy.

“Well, you are very attractive, so I really hope I should” he replied.  “But do you?” asked Cathy.  “Well it seems that I must called Steed John but I’m afraid not.  Can I take you to dinner?” replied Steed.  “You could take her to dinner if we got out this weird place that sends us in circles” piped up Purdey.  “Only you know the way out” added Cathy.  “OK I’ll try!  You really are beautiful!  Will you marry me?” asked Steed.  “We are married, it’s just that you seem to have lost your memory” replied Cathy. “Congratulations!” shouted Purdey. “Well I’ll try this way” said Steed looking very loves-struck.  They walked around for several hours but kept going back to the same place.  Eventually Mother, Grandma and Commander Bond were awake.

Commander Bond kept shouting to Mother and Grandma and making them follow him by marching as fast they could.  Steed, Cathy and Purdey were trying to get his memory back and watching Commander Bond keep on coming back.

Meanwhile Mr Teddy Bear was waiting for Steed in Hyde Park.  Bungo was watching him through powerful binoculars but didn’t know it was Mr Teddy Bear.  “Why does that fat man not go!  I want to see Mr Teddy Bear!  And where is Steed?” he wondered aloud.  Too loud. Mr Teddy Bear headed towards the voice. He just about to open the bush that Bungo was hiding in when Bungo shouted “to the Bungomobile!” and leapt on a powerful BMW motorbike with B on the sides.  Mr Teddy Bear shouted back “That should be the Bungobike!”  “What did you say?” replied Bungo now wearing a white helmet with Bungo written on the front.  “I said” started Mr Teddy Bear but stopped.  Bungo had already raced away.  He was at Avengers HQ in almost no time.

Mr Teddy headed back to a park maintenance vehicle.  He drove the stupid old pick-up truck into the depot.  There he opened a hatch and climbed down a ladder where he boarded a one-man submarine.  Off he went back to Loch Lomond.  A bell sounded in SCAR HQ and a robot Roy Walker opened a hatch.  The submarine rose up into a bay and Mr Teddy Bear climbed out looking frustrated.

Tara was there. “Why do you look so frustrated?” she asked. “Because Bungo just went off on a motorbike!” replied Mr Teddy Bear. “Oh.” Said Tara. “Well, could we just get on my hidden wolf? I’ve even discovered another dog to add. She’s called Junia.” “Alright then,” said Mr Teddy Bear. “But how will we get the device?” “We’ll steal the original device from P.U.R.R.R…somehow.” “But that’s for hidden tigers.” Replied Mr Teddy Bear. “I’m sure it’ll work for my wolves too.” Answered Tara.

In the strange place, Steed, Purdey & Cathy still hadn’t found the way out.

Mrs Peel woke up in Gambit’s house.  “If you’re going to kill me, then why don’t you just press the ruby on my immortality device?” she said, rather annoyed.  “That’s not dramatic enough.” Replied Gambit.  Mrs Peel rolled her eyes, then got knocked out again.

This time she woke a big dark room on a very, very, very high stool.  It seemed to be even higher than the cliff that Gambit had tried to throw her off of.  Suddenly a light came on and Mrs Peel saw a cardboard cut-out of an audience and Gambit on a similar stool in front of her.  He was holding two pugle sticks.  He gave one to Mrs Peel and a voice rang out through the building. “Avenger!  Ready!  New Avenger! Ready!  Three!  Two! One!  Go!”

Gambit started hitting Mrs Peel with his pugle stick trying to knock her off the stool she was on, knowing that if she fell then the immortality device would stop working automatically.

Mrs Peel tried to fight back but Gambit had already pushed her to the edge.  Her foot slipped off.  Then the other.  She started to fall down.  Coincidentally Mr Chips came in doing a catchphrase and climbed up a very tall ladder he had brought with him then caught Mrs Peel before she fell far enough for the immortality device to stop working.  He took her to the bottom of the ladder and put her down.

Mrs Peel tried to quickly run out the door but Gambit dropped his pugle stick on her head and she fell unconscious she woke up holding on to a ring on the ceiling.  She was about to let go when it moved up high, as high as the stool she had been knocked off.  She held on tight.

Steed, Cathy, and Purdey still still hadn’t found the way out.  Suddenly a tune started playing.  “Meow meow meow myima myima mye meow meow meow myini myini myini myima mye mye meow!”  Meowykins danced up next to them.  “Meowykins! What are you doing?” said Cathy. “I know the way out!” replied Meowykins and led them to the 15 coloured door.

They all rushed home. Well, all of them except for Cathy anyway, because Gambit appeared and pointed a gun at her, leading to the dark place that Mrs Peel was still holding onto a ring in.

Gambit made Cathy hold onto a ring in the ceiling then it went up very, very, very high.  She grabbed on tight.  “What are YOU doing here?” said a voice.  Cathy looked next to her and saw Mrs Peel holding onto a ring. “Well for some reason Gambit captured me, and I don’t know why!” said Cathy.

“It seems he wants us to do a competition with him where we try to knock him off this ring, but, if there’s two on our team, shouldn’t there be two on his as well?” replied Mrs Peel.

Gambit heard from below and rushed away to get someone else for his team.

5 minutes later…

“Remind me again why I’m tied to a ring that’s hanging from the ceiling?” said Purdey.  “Well,” replied Gambit, “There needs to be two on my team because there is on the other team.”  “Ok?”  Purdey didn’t have a clue what he was talking about.  Gambit grabbed on to another ring in the ceiling and then the rings went upwards very, very, very high.

“Why do I have to be tied to it?” asked Purdey.  “In case you fall off.” Replied Gambit.  Purdey looked across the room and saw Mrs Peel and Cathy.  “Well you didn’t tie them to it!” she said.  “That’s because they’re supposed to fall off.” Said Gambit, then each ring moved forward.

Gambit tried to knock Mrs Peel off of her ring and Purdey decided she must be supposed to try to knock Cathy off of her ring so did.  Cathy desperately tried to hold with Purdey pounding powerful kicks at her.  Suddenly Purdey said “Oh!”.  Cathy looked at her ring.  Mrs Peel looked as well.  “Seven!” said Mrs Peel.  “Surely I get a ten for the last time I kicked you?” asked Gambit.  “No!  Seven!” replied Mrs Peel.  Gambit and Purdey looked in wonder at seven tiny eagles perched on Cathy’s ring.

Coincidentally Mr Chips was doing a catchphrase by shaking a bucketful of cats, dogs and water down over the rings from above them.  “Say what you see!” shouted Mr Chips.  “Enormous eagles!” shouted Purdey.  “It’s a good answer but it’s not right!” said Mr Chips.  “Raining cats and dogs!” shouted Gambit.  “That’s right!” shouted Mr Chips back.

“Oh!” said Gambit as he saw the seven eagles which had grown to full size after being rehydrated by Mr Chip’s water.  “Meow!” shouted Meowykins, Meowyskin and Meowythings.  “Woof!” shouted Freckles, Katie, Sheba and Junia.  The cats and dogs plunged down and down and down into the darkness below.

They fell for what felt like hours but they didn’t really know how long until they all went into a helter-skelter.  One by one they entered the helter-skelter and went round and round and round, and down and down and down.