Rob P. Steal (Channel -12 News)

* 2020s
* 1980s

**Rob P. Steal** is a serial burglar, robber and all-around criminal who runs the Rob Steal Solutions company, and is a recurring character in the *Channel -12 News* series. He is portrayed by Callum Armstrong.

## Character Background

While Rob P. Steal's origin and upbringing are a mystery, in many ways, he is an open book, being proud of his criminal status as seen in the "Rob Steal Solutions" ad. He runs the eponymous company, where he breaks into people's homes, steals their prized possessions and resells them for profit. Because of his line of work, he has frequent run-ins with the law, leading him to hire Neil Alibastor as his attorney on retainer. In *Rob P. Steals Christmas*, his business seems to be suffering and he is told to cease all criminal activity within the company by Alibastor. Neil then decides to commit a grand act of robbery on Christmas Eve, stealing from large New York banking companies on Wall Street. However, in the morning, he discovers no one is upset or notices the robbery, leading him to storm into the office of Big Bank Business Corp and kidnap the C.E.O. who informs him that the robbery didn't affect the company due to their mass amounts of wealth and capitalist practices. Rob then realizes that Wall Street bankers are the lowest scum in the world, and that they make a large amount of money, leading him to aspire to get to their level in his own career.

## Personality

Rob P. Steal is shown to be quite a passionate person, driven to be the best at what he does, which is robbery and criminal activity. He is also shown to be highly self-imporant and greedy. He wishes to make as much money as possible no matter the risk or cost, while apparently spending as little as possible maintaining his store, and not living a particularly lavish lifestyle. He also seemingly suffers from kleptomania, having an obsession with stealing anything and everything from others.

## Quotes

> "*HEY YOU! Yes, you! Vulnerable! I mean, "valuable" consumer! My name's Rob P. Steal! And I'm here to ask, do you need cash fast? Well too bad! Lotsa schmucks these days just can't seem to scrounge up enough scrilla! And I just got one thing to say about that! (laughter) Here at Rob Steal Solutions we'll take your stuff! That's right! Take! Your! Stuff! We'll take any of your belongings and sell it for our own profit! Jewelry! Clothes! The deed to your home! Irreplaceable family memories! Your kidneys! It doesn't matter, We'll take it! Now you may be asking "Rob? Just how does this help me?" Simple, it doesn't! This is just straight up robbery! It's our policy that we believe you're so dumb that you'd actually fall for this! I mean just look at you! Even thinking about you makes me sad! But if you stop on down to our humble place of business we can solve that real quick! Too busy to stop by? Don't worry! Call us, and we'll trace your number and pin down your exact location! Once we do that we’ll simply stakeout your home until you're not around, break in and then rob you blind! That's right folks, rob! You! Blind! Rob Steal Solutions! Lock your door! It won't stop us!*" ― Rob's complete speech from his 1980s commercial.
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> "*If the law wants to catch me they can sure as hell try! But I think it's time to take my business sky high! I'll build me a sleigh, a sled of despair! I'll steal the presents from everyone, everywhere! Businesses and houses, apartments and stores, I'll steal everything that these people adore. I'll be rich I'll tell you, but, where should I start? Come on Rob, think, use your slimy green heart! The big Apple! That's it! I know what to do! Those wall street buffoons will make me rich I tell you!*" ― Rob explains his plan to steal from Wall Street bankers.
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> "*LET ME SPEAK TO THE C.E.O!*" ― Rob's demand to speak the person in charge of the Big Bank Business Corp.
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> "*I feel so happy, so full of glee, look at all these greedy pigs! They're all just like me! Corporate scumbags and con men, all stealing from kids! It's like Christmas was designed for exploiting and profits! Happy Holidays wall street! And Happy Holidays to me! I'll climb the ladder of success and rob all in my way! I'll be rich and unstoppable, hip hip Hooray!*" ― Rob realizes the glory of being a Wall Street banker.
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## Trivia

* The character of Rob P. Steal was inspired by cheesy local ads promoting businesses such as the "Cashman" ad for Oliver's Jewelry in the Greater Toronto Area.
* The character also apparently came to Callum in a dream.