Blood 23

**Chapter 23**

*“When his whole body suddenly flushed with the sweet agony of desire, he knew, even though he couldn't see her, that she had entered the room. His nostrils filled with her unmistakable scent, and already he ached to surrender. Like a furtive movement in the mist, he couldn't discern the essence of the threat, but somehow in the dim recesses of his awareness he knew without doubt that there was one, and the exquisite peril, too, excited him.”*

Translation: Richard wants to bang Lummy.

Richard is somewhere public – there are lots of people around – and Lummy has just entered the area, escorted by the Aryan Boys. So Richard could smell her in a crowded room filled with *“soldiers and dignitaries.”* That's quite a nose you've got, Richard. I assume this means Lummy stinks like a barnyard.

Richard calls on the rage of the Sword of the Homicidal Hobo, because when your emotions are out of whack, all you need to get your head on straight is some uncontrollable anger. Ask any psychiatrist. Anyway, Richard had dreams about Lummy and is hot for her body, even though he knows he shouldn't be and wants to stay faithful to Kahlan. I'll go ahead and spoil this now, in case you hadn't figured it out: Lunetta cast a spell on Lummy to make her irresistible to Richard.

Yes, pretty much like that, Pinkie.

Lummy's guards are now wearing D'Haran uniforms. *“The Keltans [. . .] after they had put on the dark leather and mail, and had had a chance to see how fierce they looked in their new outfits, they began to grin with approval.”* Because palace guards are easily swayed by a snappy new wardrobe. \~/ So Richard dressed them in spare D'Haran uniforms, gave them their weapons back, and told them they were now members of D'Hara, not necessarily in that order.

We learn that Richard has arranged things for Lummy to sign the paperwork formalizing Kelton's surrender to D'Hara. Lummy hesitates, clearly uncertain about how fast things are moving, but Richard – in a rare display of genuine cleverness – has already had Kelton's *“barristers”* go over the papers, and said barristers agree that everything is very straightforward. Why Kelton is now England, I do not know. Lummy still hesitates, unwilling to sign but unable to think of a way out, so Richard . . . seduces her. Putting *“his lips close to her ear,”* Richard says:

*“ 'Cathryn, after we finish here, would you go for a walk with me, just the two of us, alone? I dreamed of nothing but you.' ”*

Lummy is, of course, so overwhelmed by this that she signs immediately, so Richard produces a stack of additional papers for her to sign, and Terry Goodkind wastes two entire pages explaining what they are. Exciting legal action! Dramatic paper-signing! Stuff that could have been handled off-camera, but instead bumps up the page count! We've already seen Richard being clever by having the surrender papers all ready to go and pre-vetted; we don't need to go into this much detail.

We randomly learn that *“in the four days he had been with [the D'Haran soldiers] [ . . .] Richard had learned all he could, and and had added to that knowledge earlier this morning.”* Way to tell instead of showing, Goodkind. We learn that Richard is now basing his political decisions on four days' worth of soldiers' gossip, plus the advice of Sandy, the head cook. Because medieval cooks are masters of international intrigue.

Richard notes that, now that Kelton is part of D'Hara, it will now be allowed to trade with any of the countries that have not yet surrendered. He points out the specific details to the representatives of several nations, none of which are important nor will they ever come up again, explaining how Kelton's inability to trade with Country A impacts Country B, which has repercussions in Country C, and so forth. Why Kelton, Galea, and D'Hara are immune to these repercussions is left unexamined. Richard encourages the representatives to persuade their rulers to surrender quickly, adding that *“You all had peace and unity through the Council and the Mother Confessor. While she was away, fighting for you and your people, you threw that unity aside for ambition, for naked greed.”*

Exactly, Pinkie.

Richard goes on the promised walk with Lummy, ordering his bodyguards to keep them in sight at all times. I presume this means they'll stand there watching if Richard and Lummy start humping like bunnies, since they're certainly not going to interfere. Lummy whines that Richard promised them some alone time, Richard puts her off, and the chapter ends.

Drinks: Just one.

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