The Baby is You

Along with Karkalicious, one of the best things you'll hear in your life and probably the best thing created by Toby "Fwugradiation" Fox (yes he really used that username).

## Lyrics

EVERY DAY, A MILLION BABIES ARE BORN IN THE UNITED STATES ALONE. MANY OF THESE BABIES CLIMB OUT OF VAGINAS.

OTHERS, THE STORKS BRING THEM. SOME ARE BORN OUT OF SLIME IN PARADOX SPACE THANKS TO A SPECIAL VIDEO GAME YOUR MOMMY USED TO PLAY.

BUT REGARDLESS OF HOW THESE BABIES MAY BE BORN... THEY ALL COME INTO THE WORLD WITH A SPECIAL FORCE... CALLED LOVE.

THIS IS THAT STORY.

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**1. THROGUH SONG**

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*(police sirens)*

    **john:** hi im john egbert and OH MY GOD DAVE WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THE FLOOR WRITHIN IN PAIN
    **dave:** nothin, john... just ignore me... im not... pregnant
    **john:** OH MY GOD DAVE... WHATS HAPPENED TO YOU
    **DAVE:** im... im lyin.... i am pregnant
    **john:** WHAT!!! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!!! WHOSE THE FATHER
    **dave:** the father... i cant tell you john
    **john:** but... then... WHOSE THE BABY
    **dave:** the baby john... is you
    **dave:** your the baby
    **dave:** all the babies
    **dave:** all of them
    **JOHN:** NO DAVE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
    **JOHN:** WE HAVE TO GET YOU TO A HOSPITAL
    **JOHN:** ARE YOU SERIOUS THOUGH, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING
    **dave:** john i guess the only way you can understand is song

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**2. IM HAVING A BABY, AND THE BABY IS YOU**

  BUM BUM BUM

  i was sittin around, in the middle of the night
  all bored with nothing to do

  i called up my friend, he put some stuff in my end
  taught him a hundred different ways to screw

  i conksunked his boots, touched his imigrants
  the chips had just started to fall

  now after that night, i was given a fright
  a babytummy shaped like a ball

  DAMN JOHN!!!

  im havin a baby and the baby is you
  id birth my best friend its true

  im havin a baby and the baby is you
  koalababies up the avenue

  im a havin a baby and the baby is you
  my ovaries are out the wazoo

  im having a a baby and the baby is you
  ur gonna come out my hoohoo

  **john:** BUT HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE
  **dave:** i dont know... such is the magic of skaia
  he entered all of my seven gates
  he touched john
  he prototyped my medium
  and now my kernelsprite is rich with data
  and... nwo.... your the baby

  **john:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    ***duet:***

    YOUR HAVIN A BABY AND THE BABY IS YOU/ME
    BIRTH MY BEST FRIEND ITS TRUE

    HAVIN A BABY AND THE BABY IS YOU
    KOALABABIES UP THE AVENUE

    HAVIN A ABABY AND THE BABY IS YOU
    OVARIES ARE OUT THE WAZOO

    HAVIN A BABY AND THE BABY WEARS SHOES
    BABIES FLYIN OUT THE HOO HOO

    WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**3. bootes**

    **DAVE:** OH MY GOD... john... THE BABY... IS A BABY.... IS A BABY
    **John:** dave you're losing your water break, we cant go to the hospital now
    **DAVE:** YOUR RIGHT HTERES NO TIME
    **DAVE:** WE MUST GO TO MOUNT PROSPIT
    **DAVE:** where i myself was born
    **JOHN:** you were born in a lab dave and im your lab daddy
    **DAVE:** ok shut up, dad, because your my baby now and youre the one that's going to have mantitties in your face
    john: what?
    **dave:** *MANTITTIES IN YOUR FACe, MANTITTIES IN YOUR FACE*
    **john:** aww, gross! dave put your fucking shirt on
    **dave:** MANTITTIES
    **john:** i'm not even born yet that's not fair
    **dave:** oh my god... someone needs to deliver this baby right now
    **karkat:** I CAN DO THAT
    **john:** karkat what the fuck are you doing
    **karkat:** delivering babies... i did it once i can do it again.......
    **john:** leave it up to me karkat
    **karkat:** no... no i cant... your the baby.....
    **karkat:** i must do this... i must be the... the midwife
    **karkat:** john... theres some things you cant know
    **john:** like what
    **dave:** please just reach inside me
  **KARKAT:** *LETS SING A FUCKING SONG*

  ONCE UPON A TIME ON TOP OF A MOUNTAIN
  A BABY WAS SITTING IN A WATER FOUNTAIN

  HIS NAME WAS DAVE AND HE WAS SUPREME
  HIS BOOTIES WERE COVERED IN PEACHES AND CREAM

  AND THAT STORY TODAY IS TOTALLY IRRELEVANT
  I'M A TROLL AND JOHN I WANT TO FUCK YOU OUT OF HATE

  MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

**dave:** please sotp this singing shit, i need to have this baby... now...... MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

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**4. - ROSE PRAGNANT**
**JOHN:** dave you need to hang in there
  **DAVE:** AEAAAEEAAA
  **karkat:** i dont get it... the baby just wont come out
  **dave:** *IM NOT READY*... tehre are some things I have to clean up first

    *(car)*

    **rose:** i came as fast as i could

    **dave:** rose i'm glad you're here.... i need to talk you about................. this........ big baby in my mommytummy

    **rose:** undubitatably. i will embiggen my words less so you can understand me. i am the queen of books.

    **dave:** lets not talk. lets.... sing....... like old times

    **rose:** no, strider. the truth is.... im pregnant. i cant sing.

    **john:** ROSE!!!!!!!!!

    **dave:** it's... its only fair....

    **rose:** besides singing is passe for those of a caliber like ours. let us engage in that ancient art far superior.....
*rap*

```

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**5. - the rose rap (feat. von fawn as rose)**

    **roserap:**

    strider let me break it down like this for you

    there once was a violet femme fatale
    whose violent violin sung sweet without

    the tables of a boy who turned tricks and treats
    like icy halloween breeze/ so fresh were his beats

    but alone they were weak
    no revolution
    together - overtime
    there was an evolution

    they met on the net and there was a fusion
    like danimals yogurt breakfast frusion

    hearts
    and minds
    and souls
    and hearts
    they loved each other you bag of farts

    they promised to be each others baby mommy daddy babies
    but now theyre both caught in their lies
    their fingers in another persons pies
    guilty of another person's scabies

        ***CHORUS (SUNG):***

      strider
      heart to heart
      dont treat me like a fool

      you may have played me
      but my heart waylayed me
      i wanna be your baby mommy too

      **daverap:**
      rose i know how you're feeling, i know your emotions
      i want you to know i mirror your devotion
      you dont see this kind of depravity on the serengetti
      whoops there goes gravity, moms spaghetti

      i screwed up, i fucked up, i got screwed and fucked
      im the baby of bad choices and my little legs are tucked
      i wanted to be true, make you a faithful hubby
      but you know i cant do, it's just too much trubby

      we're related rose, thats the problem, not the other
      we cant be baby mommy daddies because your my sis and im you're brother
      i have the feelings your feeling, we share the same idea
      and i know i screwed up and probably caught gonohrrea

      but the truth of it all yo is that.... rose it would have never worked
      and i hope you forgive me
      because... actually... im having this baby now
      i want to say im sorry and that i want to be.......... with you
      and that what i did was wrong
      and you can be its mommy and we can get married
      and not worried about retarded babes

      do you agree

      **roserap:** yes dave.......... oh yes..................... take me away...........

      ***CHORUS***

        CHORUS X 2 with harmonies

    **ROSE:** DAVE I LIED.... IM NOT PREGNANT..... IM JUST FAT................
    **dave:** oh rose.............. i dont care........... being pregnant might be against the rules of the mpsa forum, but this isn't...........

    (worst makeout sounds ever)

    **karkat:** im going to throw up
    **john:** gross!!! everyone cover your eyes!!! the two naked incestuous pregnant teenagers are..... KISSING!!!!!!

    *mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm*

```

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**6. uh oh**

    LOOKS LIKE EVERYTHINGS GOING TO BE OK

    **bro:** dave im going to eat ur baby

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    **7. vs bros**

    **dave:** bro i dont want to fight you. i just want to have my baby in peace.

    **bro:** hah! too bad, ash ketchum! im gary motherfucking oak and i'm hungry for babies so get goddamn shoveling!

    **bro:** i'm the king of everything under the sun
    im just like parappa except i like hot dog buns

    im gonna beatdown your butt
    ill contention your face

    ill eat all the babies in the human race

    **john:** why would bro say something like that

    **dave:** i dunno. he's never tried to eat my babies before!

    **bro:** shut up your face dad, im totally me
    eatin apple jacks is the way to be

    haha! how does it feel to be shut down by my superior rapping techniques

    i will show you the power of the forbidden rhyme - the words that rhyme with THEMSELVES

    **john:** this is entirely unimpressive

    **bro:** you have yet to see my true power

    huaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh

    **dave:** actually this is retarded

      im going to bed

    **bro:** YOU CANT GO TO BED

    actually im out of batteries so i'm going to die

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**8. A BABY IS BORN (feat. artemis251 as luigi, chorus singer, kid, and hella jeff)**

      *KC GREEN: HEY KIDS,,, THIS IS KC GREEN AND IT'S TIME FOR THE GUNSHOW SINGALONG SHOW I HOPE YOU ALL GOT YOUR FACES READY TO SING A LITTLE TUNE HERE*

      LETS GO

    **all:** I'm having a baby and the baby is you
    I'm having a baby and the baby is true
    Greetings Andrew Hussie this is Radiation
    How high do you have to be

    *pretty goddamn high*

    havin a baby and the baby is you (is you)
    the baby is true (is trueeee)

    OHHHHHHHH IM HAVIN A BABY
    AND ITS GONNA BE AWESOME WHEN I HAVE A BABY

    **dave:** omg its happening
    IM HAVIN THIS BABY
    IM HAVIN A BABY
    ALL OVER YOUR FACE
    AHFSAHFJHAGJKHAGKJHS
    fjsahfkashgkjhagjks

    **luigi:** actually this is pretty gross

    **arty:** PUSH PUSH PUSH

    **mia:** i came

    **dave:** it's beautiful its beautiful
    your beautiful
    john youre a beautiful baby

    **john:** I LOVE BEING YOUR BABY/ IM THE BABY. IM THE BABY, ITS ME

    AND WE ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER

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**mia:** i came as fast as i could
     special thanks -----------

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 **mia --> being at fault for everything/art/rose

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 **fawn --> singing rose and actually doing the CD thing

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 **artemis251 --> being chill bro and singing along with the last song

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 **xander --> immoral support

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1. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gfiwU2f-ts4 Its him. He's the baby.