Headhunters 5: The Soon-to-be-Severed Seventeen

## Introduction

Down goes the champion! Down goes the champion!

Week one came and went faster than a hiccup, and already Headhunters Premium has delivered us one of the most exciting eliminations in league history.

## In Memorium: Hasta Laviska Baby

oh no Laviska Baby, what is you doin?

In a fate that can only be described as self-inflicted, Hasta Laviska just wrapped up the shortest title defense that is humanly possible in this league. Last week I called him the Fictitious King and said a strong showing in 2023 would dissuade all who doubt the legitimacy of his crown. And this is what he gives us.

Hasta had a decent strategy during the draft. He missed on a QB2, so he audibled to a two tight-end set and was prepared to role out a potent combo of Engram and Andrews week one. He only forgot one thing: players who don't play often finish with zero fantasy points or less. That's just science.

In a Universe where Fantasy Gods have been proven to exist, why would you do the single thing that angers them most? Philip's Team learned the hard way in 2019: if you don't set your lineup, you will get beheaded in the most grueling way possible. Now Jared CLAIMS he set his lineup Sunday morning, which is weird considering the timing of this Sleeper notification:

Glorio, the all powerful overlord of Headhunters, didn't buy it and showed he was in mid-season form with an elimination for the ages.

Going into the fourth quarter on MNF, with Aaron Rodgers already at home sipping Ayahuasca, Hasta was virtually tied with Extra Tight Ends. Tight had *also* lost his star TE, Kelce, but did the unthinkable and actually benched him, putting Jared in a really tough spot.

Tight End had a slight lead, which evaporated when New York kicked a go-ahead field goal, docking Bills D 3 points. Hasta was now up 0.17. Five catches by Evan Engram were proving to be a huge difference-maker, compared to just two from Keeling's Cade Otten. Thanks to the premium scoring rule, Jared just needed the game to end and he would survive. But on the ensuing drive, Gabe Davis caught a short pass that gave Keeling a lead of 1.63 that he would not relinquish. A short OT run by James Cook wasn't enough to close the gap, and our first gut-wrenching elimination was in the books.

Laviska caught a lot of heat in both LOC and HH last season for title runs in which he made very few roster moves. My feeling? If your team is good, why bother with roster moves? He won it all, so the strategy obviously worked. But this season he took it to another level and literally did not move his roster at all, leaving in players who were inactive and failing to even make it to the first round of waivers. Even bolder, Laviska leaves with the idol in his pocket.

Now I can't guarantee that everyone's "in memorium" is going to be this long. But for the defending champ, and for a loss like this, I had to stretch it out. And now it is time to say hasta la vista to Hasta Laviska, who now has one less league and $22 fewer dollars to worry about. He came, he saw, he conquered. Then he came back, saw again, and thought "nah, I'm good."

Hasta Laviska:

## Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022 v 2023)

Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022 v 2023)

A bolded finish means they finished higher than their previous year. The finish in italics represents the team's top finish throughout their entire history.

## Dead Money

Keeping track of all the cash that never got spent by teams that are now eliminated.

Dead Money 2023

As is often the case, our first team is sent to the guillotine without a single dollar spent.

## Top New Releases

1. Jahmyr Gibbs
2. Joe Burrow
3. Mark Andrews
4. Terry McLaurin
5. James Cook

## 2022 Week Two Bidding Results

For those who are new to the league, this is the section where we normally highlight the bidding that took place the previous week (for example, next week this section will recap everything that happens over the next few days leading into Week 2 TNF). But since there was no bidding in week one, let's take a look at the action from this week LAST season:

### Quick-Hit Thoughts

* What a difference a year makes.
* Look at Trey Lance sitting there, sucking up 28% of Derek's hard-earned budget. Further down, Wildcat (now named Monty's Python) picked up Cooper Rush too! Has anybody checked to see if Derek is 1.) A future-seer and 2.) A Cowboys fan?
* Robby Anderson...that's not even his real name! Love to see Robbie Chosen playing on the Dolphins practice squad, where his last name is even more pathetic looking on the depth chart next to Tyreek fucking Hill.
* Okay, but what to make of this bidding? Lamar Jackson went for nearly 50% of CP's budget but the next highest bid clocked in at 33%. This puts Joe Burrow's value anywhere from 25-50% of someone's budget.
* Mark Andrews is once again a week one add for some lucky fella, though it remains to be seen if his injury prevents an equally-hefty 20% budget spend. Though last
* I once again expect big things from Guilloteam, who blew half his budget by overpaying for Andrew and Mike Williams by a combined 28%.

## 2022 Money Spent Per Week

Running this back from last week so people can get one more look at how week 2 bidding typically goes. In 2021, week 1 did not have an eliminated team, hence the $9 spent on just two players. In 2022, the top five players went for an average of $275.

## Week One Results

Every year I get the same comment/question about the live updates to the weekly standings. The Yahoo app (shut up, Wolfe) does not live update the weekly scores on the "standings" page.

HOWEVAH, the Yahoo website does a great job of this. So if you are on a computer or tablet, or if you go to the web browser on your phone, you can refresh the weekly points list for a minute-to-minute heat check on the league.

* Biggest Climber: Big Game Tebo - Coach was first out in 2022 but starts 2023 in 10th place.
* Biggest Faller: Jared - Won it all in 2022, only to be bounced in week 1 of 2023. Life comes at you fast.

## Draft Dodgers

As the first team eliminated, Jared will have first choice of where he picks in 2023.

## Kings of the Castle

### 1. Monty's Python

Monty's Flying Circus did not disappoint, with contributions of 15+ from 8 of his 10 starters, but there are some weird vibes nonetheless. Henry was out-snapped by Spears, and Ekeler's status is in question due to an ankle.

### 2. Tee Diggs

Tee may Digg his Chubb but she can't possible have dug Tee Higgins's 0 points on 8 targets. Still, for a team that say on QB, you can't complain about 59.10 combined points at the position.

### 3. Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack

The lone team who had not paid his dues, Bad Boys must have been scared straight by -0.05 fantasy points from starting QB Aaron Rodgers because funds hit my account early this morning. KVR awakens to a nightmarish world in which he lost his QB1 in both fantasy and on his favorite NFL team, leaving him with Sam Howell in Headhunters and Zach Wilson in New York.

### 4. Al Snow's Fav Squad

Love was in the air on Sunday. Al Snow set his lineup and then set out to propose to his long-time girlfriend on Sunday. She said yes and Jordan love scored 37.20, leaving the Squad with plenty to be grateful for heading into Track 2 of HH.

### 5. Out of Luck

Luck may be Jonesing for a change at QB after Danny Dimes failed to cash in on a SNF debut in week one, but at least he had Tyreek the Freak Hill to bail him.

## On the Chopping Block

### 17. Extra Tight Ends

Ironically, this team doesn't have any extra tight ends. They desperately need Kelce back and a few winning bids to keep things going. A whopping six players failed to break five points, including a shocking goose-egg from Drake London and a near-nothingburger from Tyler Void. Don't even get me started on Kadaverous TOmbstONEY.

### 16. The Guilloteam

He's quiet...too quiet. Guilloteam had five total 0's on his team (bench/starters combined), and Josh Allen's four turnovers is a spooky scary stat considering he is the only rostered QB at the moment for Ol 50/50.

### 15. Never Done This Before

Familiar territory for the team that's never done this before, as FFDraft gets off to yet another slow start in 2023. There is a lot of promise in Javonte, not so much for Akers, who averaged just 1.32 yards a carry. In fact, the Rbs on this roster combined for an average of just 5.11 points.

### 14. Henry VIII

Commish had just one of his 10 starters break 20 points (Brock Purdy), and it's not a great sign that Allen Lazard nearly outscored Najee Harris, or that Kendrick Bourne nearly doubled the fantasy output of Lamar Jackson.

### 13. Müller Lite

I don't need to say anything about Müller. As a Jets fan, he is already being mean enough to himself.

## Narrow Defeats

Margin of Defeat for Last Place Teams:

Margin of Defeat for Eliminated Teams

## Rulers of the Kingdom

2023 first place finishers:

Top Scorers by Week

A year after finishing 2nd-to-last, nearly getting chopped before the paint was even dry in the endzones, Monty finds himself atop the leaderboard with a solid chance at another championshi run.

## Dungeon Dwellers

2023 teams that finished second-to-last, narrowly avoiding elimination:

Low Scorers by Week

## Single Season Scoring Records

As teams get eliminated, their single season performance will appear here. Bolded lines indicate performances from the current season.

By the grace of the tight-end premium, Hasta avoids becoming the worst team in Headhunters history.

## All-Time Combined Points Scored

Same as above: eliminated teams will have their 2023 season added to the total. Bolded lines indicate that the record has been updated through 2023.

This season we are also adding a per season avg. since several have played some, but not all, of the seasons in Headhunters season. As records get updated the per season avg. will be added. I also made the table sortable so you can sort by score total or average.

## Conclusion

Season five is already off to an exciting start. Best with your bidding and happy hunting!