King Kong vs. Donkey Kong

## Description

*Which iconic ape truly is the king of Kong?*

## Interlude

Hiro: Our closest relatives just happen to be apes, and these two apes have made a cultural impact in a way no other has.

**MBStarscream: There was even a court case between them! True story.**

Hiro: But now they shall go beyond just a legal battle.

**MBStarscream: King Kong, the Eighth Wonder of the World and jaw-snapping king of Skull Island.**

Hiro: And Donkey Kong, the barrel-throwing, banana-hoarding defender of DK Island. I'm Hiro Hamada.

**MBStarscream: I'm MBStarscream.**

Hiro: And it's our job to examine both warriors' strength, abilities, weapons, and weaknesses to see who would win in a fight.

## King Kong

Hiro: It was 1932, and filmmaker Carl Denham was looking for his big break. Seeking his leading lady for a mysterious new film he intended to make halfway across the world, he came across Ann Darrow and promised her the adventure of a lifetime.

**MBStarscream: Just before they arrived, Denham revealed they were heading to uncharted territory: An island purported to be the home of a legendary beast named Kong. There, they witnessed the natives preparing a mysterious ritual sacrifice, who upon seeing Ann, kidnapped her and offered her to their god.**

Hiro: Who just so happened to be Kong himself. Infatuated, Kong carried Ann into the wilderness as Denham and his crew ventured into the heart of the island and faced off against an amalgam of prehistoric monsters to save Ann from the beast's clutches.

**MBStarscream: Needless to say, they more than had their work cut out for them against a foe like Kong. He stands anywhere between 50ft to a whooping 337ft, weighing from 5 to over 20,000 tons.**

Hiro: Kong is an incredibly strong and skilled combatant. He uses his overwhelming strength to lift objects like fallen trees or smash down the colossal wall surrounding the Skull Island village. His physical capabilities are only demonstrated further in his battles against the creatures of the island.

**MBStarscream: Be it a T-Rex, three *V*-Rexes, pterosaurs, plesiosaurs, giant snakes, or Skullcrawlers, he's come out on top. His strength was enough to completely reverse the bite of a T-Rex and snap its mouth open!**

Hiro: A 2012 study found that Tyrannosaurus had the most powerful bite of any terrestrial animal that has ever lived, finding an adult Tyrannosaurus could have exerted 35,000 to 57,000 newtons of force in the back teeth. In order to reverse such a powerful bite, Kong would have to exert just as much force.

**MBStarscream: Kong is also quite agile for his size. Being an ape, Kong has the natural ability to climb, be it buildings or natural cliffs, and he can run very quickly by dropping onto all fours and charging forward. Being as big as he is also makes him quite tough by ape standards, as he shifted from battling the Venture crew to battling three of the beasts of Skull Island within a short span of time, winning each encounter.**

Hiro: Kong is remarkably intelligent. He makes use of environmental objects like trees or rocks when fighting, and even when overwhelmed by more powerful or more numerous opponents he can think on his feet and find a way to win.

**MBStarscream: He's even smart enough to do sign language! He probably knows some rude gestures.**

Hiro: Kong appears to be quite resistant to heat, particularly Godzilla's well-known Atomic Breath. He has been hit by it in both the Toho and MonsterVerse continuities, and usually suffers little more than having some of his fur singed. He has also survived being touched by lava monsters and tanked the heat and flames from an entire lake on fire.

**MBStarscream: He's so durable, he can even survive a total gravitational inversion!**

Hiro: Nathan Lind described this inversion as, and I quote, "a whole planet's worth of gravity reversed in a split second." Keep in mind Kong wasn't necessarily bearing the weight of a *planet* (Cuz that's not how gravity works), but he *was* being subjected to a force of at *least*  1.61 billion newtons, making him as durable as a Hollow Earth Aerial Vehicle.

**MBStarscream: And strong enough to crush one in his hand!**

Hiro: While in the Hollow Earth, Kong would find a new weapon: A seemingly mystical battle axe made from the bone of another Godzilla, its blade being one of its dorsal plates. Measuring over 207ft in length, this axe is capable of absorbing and even storing both the energy radiating from the Earth's core as well as Godzilla's atomic breath to augment its strength.

**MBStarscream: The axe can then release its stored energy when striking an object with sufficient force, which will produce a tremendous blast. It is also sharp enough to pierce through Godzilla's armored scales and the metallic body of Mechagodzilla, although it took some time and some help from Godzilla charging it up for him.**

Hiro: And even if he doesn't have an axe made out of Godzilla bones, he cannot be harmed by electrical currents, and instead, feeds on their power in order to revitalize or awaken him from a state of unconsciousness. He can also use those same electrical currents, whether they are man-made or natural, to allow him to release surges of electricity from his hands, a powerful tool against Godzilla.

**MBStarscream: Okay, he's using an axe, and now he's absorbing electricity. What kind of ape is this?**

Hiro: Certainly a mighty one. Nothing on Skull Island or in the Hollow Earth is a match for the king of the primates.

**MBStarscream: Name anything, he's beaten them. Two giant flying snakes? Three hyper-evolved tyrannosaurs? A giant Skullcrawler? Giant bats? Godzilla himself? *Mecha*godzilla? All fall to the king.**

Hiro: Beating Godzilla in their original fight is particularly impressive, as that same Godzilla would go to fight the life-wiping King Ghidorah, while the *other* Godzilla Kong fought twice has defeated an incarnation of Ghidorah that would have completely reshaped the planet and punched a hole all the way to the Hollow Earth with a single atomic blast. Such a feat would require a force at least 1,800 times that of the Tsar Bomba, the largest nuclear bomb ever detonated in world history.

**MBStarscream: But the bigger they are, the harder they fall. Being an animal means Kong has few ranged options, and he can put down with bullets and tranquilizers. Fire is also still very much capable of hurting him, as he was badly burned by Godzilla's Atomic Breath and badly weakened after being caught in a burning lake filled with napalm.**

Hiro: Certain foes have been difficult for him to overcome, as he's nearly been killed by dinosaurs, Skullcrawlers, Warbats, Camazotz, Godzilla and Mechagodzilla in separate battles, losing to Godzilla in two fights. But his biggest weakness... was beauty.

**MBStarscream: Yeah, the airplanes did kill Kong, but it was beauty that caused him to get shot in the first place. And loneliness was what made him crave beauty.**

Hiro: Having been taken out of his natural environment and into a world he didn't belong in, Kong was both a monster and a victim of circumstances out of his control. All because of the hubris of one man.

**MBStarscream: But planes aren't keeping him down for long, because Kong bows to no one, and wherever he rules, everyone drools.**

Hiro: Long live the king, indeed.

*After bringing his axe down on Mechagodzilla's neck like an executioner, Kong grabs its neck and twists the mechanical monster's head clean off, brandishing it with a mighty skyward roar.*

## Donkey Kong

Hiro: Donkey Kong. He's the leader of the bunch, and you know him well.

**MBStarscream: Who doesn't? Sending him falling off that construction site *never* gets old.**

Hiro: Since that fateful battle between man and beast, DK has lived a humble life on his own island with his friends and family, protecting the one thing that matters to him the most with utmost vigor: Bananas.

**MBStarscream: No other ape would get worked up about bananas, but to DK, they mean business. And if you touch his beloved horde, he'll get down to *monkey* business.**

Hiro: With his mighty fists, which he uses to punch his foes very, VERY hard. Donkey Kong possesses a colossal amount of strength by gorilla standards, with enough force to create earthquakes when striking the ground, or, with some time to prepare, release his trademark giant punch, a move so powerful that it sends his enemies careening beyond the air. But even then, his punches rely on more than mere brute force.

**MBStarscream: His blows are so fast, they generate speeds and explosions in the air akin to a meteorite entering the atmosphere. And when his muscles alone won't do the job, Donkey Kong has a small yet reliable tool to fall back on, a wooden gun which relies on homing coconuts for its ammunition. That's gonna hurt ya.**

Hiro: While not a common weapon of his, Donkey Kong will occasionally throw barrels at his opponents, or a collection of oranges that explode upon impact. He's also a professional bongo player, and uses them to such effect that they can hurt all enemies in an area with sound waves.

**MBStarscream: Donkey Kong has plenty of other moves at his disposal. He can clap hard enough to make sound waves, roll his entire body towards opponents, create an earthquake by slapping the ground, whirl around like a helicopter, and jump into the air and come crashing down on his back side.**

Hiro: Donkey Kong can equip himself with a special Ultra Barrel rockets that enables him to fly extremely fast into the point he causes fire to surround himself, and with these rockets, he performs a boost dash that destroys obstacles and attack enemies in his path. And after eating a certain number of bananas, Donkey Kong becomes faster and invincible for a limited period of time.

**MBStarscream: When hopping into a Kong Barrel with his face on it, DK becomes somewhat transparent and invincible on the reliance of Crystal Coconuts, and he can become giant-sized after eating a certain amount of Super Mushrooms. Now that's putting the King Kong in Donkey Kong.**

Hiro: Among his myriad of accomplishments, Donkey Kong can produce shock waves strong enough to shatter meteors, ate an entire plantation of bananas in a single sitting, was agile enough to dodge arrows on narrow ledges, and have taken the brunt of various impacts point blank, including explosions and cannonballs from a blunderbuss pointed right at him.

**MBStarscream: But nothing comes close to the time he wound up a giant punch and hit the moon hard enough to knock it out of orbit! Well, the Mario universe moon, but still a moon!**

Hiro: We can calculate that Donkey Kong punched this particular moon with a force of over 3,000 megatons, *also* much more powerful than the Tsar Bomba. This sheer strength has served Donkey Kong and his family well against their natural arch-enemies, the Kremlings led by the demented King K. Rool, and many other foes they have battled over the years to protect their island home.

**MBStarscream: But such strength comes with a great weakness; DK's physical prowess is tied to the consumption of bananas and... his hair, for some reason. Yeah, don't take him to a barber.**

Hiro: The gorilla's flaws don't end there, either; Donkey Kong isn't the brighest around, to the extent where he is immune to hypnosis and could be fooled into imagining himself to be a Kremling while amnesic. Coupled with his lazy attitude, this would make him an easy foe. But overestimating his weaknesses is a grave error; bananas are one of Donkey Kong's only motivators, but if he's separated from his stockpile, nothing will stop him from reclaiming what's rightfully his.

**MBStarscream: TL;DR, don't steal from this ape if you value your life.**

*DK Rap: DK! Donkey Kong!*

## Fatal Fiction

*Mario flips a coin.*

Hiro: Well, Donkey Kong has the high ground, but which ape will fall to the streets below?

**MBStarscream: Don't try it, Kong.**

Hiro: Should've seen that coming.

*New Donk City*

Ha ha! Mario would never get him up here!

The screams coming from his closed hand did not deter his climb up New Donk City Hall, his muscular arms pulling him up every floor. He got to the top, and set Mayor Pauline down before beating his chest while hooting in triumph.

But he wasn't the only ape climbing this building.

While **Donkey Kong** was distracted in his celebration, something rose from behind him. Donkey Kong was dwarfed by its head alone as piercing eyes stared into him. A snort got his attention, and DK's chest pounding slowed to a stop, his face falling. He could hear someone else screaming as well.

Slowly, he turned.

Donkey Kong was face-to-face, literally, with none other than ***King*** **Kong**.

The bellow that erupted from the titanic ape's mouth made DK and Pauline shriek in terror, their screams mingling with that of the woman held in Kong's fist: Ann Darrow.

Kong raised his other fist...

**FIGHT!**

...and would've smashed DK to a pulp if not for the smaller ape's reflexes. DK jumped on top of Kong's hand and ran up his arm, reaching his shoulder and charging up a Giant Punch that hit Kong's face. The ape's involuntarily threw Ann screaming into the air as Kong lost his grip and started to plummet down the building. DK caught Ann in his arms at the last moment and stared at her.

Ann stared back. DK blinked twice.

Then once she screamed, DK started screaming.

Dropped out of the ape's arms, Ann ran to Pauline's side for her own safety as DK backed away. Then a roar got *everyone's* attention as Kong climbed back up the building, his face twisted in fury.

DK adopted a defiant expression and pounded his chest at Kong. Kong returned the gesture with his own roar before DK jumped towards him with a fist drawn back.

Kong simply ate him with a snap of his jaws.

Ann and Pauline gasped, before Kong turned to look at them. His gaze went from one woman to another, unsure of which one to take as they huddled together in fear.

When it seemed Kong had made a decision, his mouth started to open.

No matter how hard he tried to keep it shut.

The two women below gasped once again when they saw DK holding the beast's jaw open like Hercules. Jumping out of Kong's mouth, DK turned and hooted at the bigger ape, slamming his hands onto the ground in a taunting manner. Kong bellowed in rage and swiped his massive hand, DK jumping over it as though it was a skipping rope. Kong's fist came down again, DK struggling to keep it raised with his hands.

DK then took out his Coconut Gun and placed it against Kong's fist. Once he pulled the trigger, Kong pulled his back with a scream of pain. DK fired more coconuts at Kong until the ape tumbled down the building again. By the time Kong got back up, DK was already taking a bow to the clapping of a decidedly impressed Ann and Pauline.

Kong tapped DK's shoulder with a finger, then flicked him off the building.

DK flew across the city, collecting bananas and hitting a barrel that launched him back towards the building. Kong threw a punch that collided with DK's Giant Punch, shattering every window of the building as Ann and Pauline held each other. Kong then grabbed DK in his other hand, gripped him with both hands and threw him down to the street, only for DK to cling onto the building for dear life.

Kong climbed down the building and proceeded to chase him across its sides, trying to either grab him or smash him with his fist. DK blowing raspberries and making faces at him with each swing across the building did not improve Kong's mood. The banana hoarder started to climb up building again, but his eyes widened when he felt his foot being grabbed. Kong proceeded to throw him towards the street, roaring down at him before continuing his climb.

Landing on the road, DK glared up at Kong before taking out a barrel and jumping into it, the barrel launching him back up like a cannon. Kong was near the top of the building when he felt DK latch onto his back, making him roar in fury and try to shake him off. Climbing atop his foe's head, DK took out a pair of bongo drums and started playing them, creating shockwaves that made Kong cover his ears until a final impact made him fall off the building.

Leaving DK suspended in mid-air. He looked down, then screamed and tried flapping his arms like a bird's wings before he too plummeted.

Kong grabbed DK, slammed him into the ground and started pummeling him with punches. Then he picked up the smaller primate and threw them into the air before jumping after him and pounding him with his fists, sending him flying back to the ground. Kong then dropped down and landed on top of DK, crushing him under his body. Kong slammed his fists on the ground as he roared in DK's face.

In response, DK clapped his hands hard enough to send a shockwave into Kong's face, making him rear up. DK got up and threw a single punch laced in fire at Kong, then unleashed dozens of punches at a machine-gun rate before stopping to put out the fire on his fists, allowing Kong to punch him away. Kong jumped up and swung his fists down as DK did a surprisingly graceful backflip to dodge the double-fisted blow.

DK slammed his open palms on the ground, knocking Kong into the air with a shockwave. As Kong fell, DK started spinning rapidly with his fists outstretched, hitting the larger ape repeatedly until a Giant Punch sent him flying. DK lunged forward and hit Kong with a series of rhythmic punches in rapid succession, with the punches getting faster and faster as he kept going. With Kong thoroughly pummeled, DK pulled back his clenched fist and began winding it up.

A super-charged uppercut then sent Kong flying into the sky. DK raised both fists and embedded them in the earth, rocketing himself up to where Kong was in the air until he was above him. Kong stared up at him in shock as DK was pulled down toward him, another Giant Punch being charged up.

The Eighth Wonder of the World, king of Skull Island, was ripped in two from the force of the moon-shattering punch, his roars of agony echoing across New Donk City as his blood spilled onto the street.

DK landed on the building, and two pairs of arms immediately hugged him from both sides. After a moment of surprise, DK held Ann and Pauline close to him warmly.

A "Wah?!" came from below. DK, Ann and Pauline looked down to see that a certain red plumber had stumbled onto the gruesome scene, staring at the halves of Kong's body in adject horror before glancing up at the building and gasping again when he recognized one of the women at the top.

DK gave him a wink and a shit-eating grin. Him two, Mario nil.

**FATALITY!**

## Results

**MBStarscream: Heh heh, cockblocker.**

Hiro: AHEM. Well, this was an interesting battle. Kong was bigger, but Donkey Kong was more agile.

**MBStarscream: Kong was less stupid, but Donkey Kong was stronger. At *best*, Kong can punch with the force of a 4.2-magnitude earthquake, while Donkey Kong can punch a moon out of its orbit with 3,000 megatons of force.**

Hiro: Kong may have been able to endure over a *billion* newtons of reversed gravity, but it's possible Donkey Kong could survive this as well when we compare him to Mario and King K. Rool, both of whom scale to things far beyond that, and Donkey Kong has consistently fought them both.

**MBStarscream: Kong had a lot more experience, but he's never fought anything quite like Donkey Kong. And before you bring up Mechani-Kong, that's still different from a *real* gorilla like Donkey Kong, one who was a lot smaller, quicker, *and* stronger than he was.**

Hiro: Kong was smart enough to use objects in a fight, but Donkey Kong had a larger arsenal that wasn't just lying around, waiting to be picked up and used. Being more versatile, durable, faster and stronger than an opponent who was just bigger and smarter made Donkey Kong the winner of David vs. Goliath.

**MBStarscream: Donkey was the king of Kong, all along.**

Hiro: Donkey Kong wins.

## Advantages

### Donkey Kong (Winner)

* Much stronger
* Smaller and faster
* More durable
* Larger arsenal
* Far greater scaling
* Different from anything Kong has fought