Roach

The "**Roach**" was a merchant in Beduin, Lower Felda who had a dissociative identity disorder and took on several personalities, most of them acting as a sort-of superhero.

## History

### The Cockroach

In Beduin, a merchant purchased the Black Blossom Lotus from Cerebus. The merchant immediately threw the "purest magic object in the known world" into the Feld River, explaining that he acquired potent magical artifacts only to destroy them, to prevent incompetent magicians from wreaking havoc with the, which was "bad for business". Cerebus eventually realized that this merchant was living a double life. By day he was a merchant, but at night he would become The Cockroach, masked avenger, who continually pummels passers-by on the mistaken assumption that they had something to do with the death of his parents at the hands of Red Claw cultists thirty years before.

Since the Cockroach relieved his victims of their valuables during his vengeful assaults, Cerebus realized that he had accumulated a fortune in gold over three decades. He also discovered that the merchant identity had no knowledge of the existence of the treasure, so would not miss it. In an attempt to remove the gold from the merchant's dwelling, Cerebus visited him during his sleep and pretended to be his dead father's ghost, returned with the word of the Living Tarim - 'condominiums'. He persuaded the merchant to fetch a wagon that he could use to transport the gold, but his actions caused the merchant and Cockroach personalities to become aware of each other. The merchant decided that he would use the gold stolen by The Cockroach to benefit the poor in the name of Tarim and forced Cerebus to flee the city when he alerted the constabulary.

Undeterred by this set-back, Cerebus returned to Beduin in search of the gold. He encountered The Cockroach again, but played for sympathy by claiming that he, too, was an orphan and, like The Cockroach, his parents were murdered by the Red Claw Cult. This ploy worked and Cerebus manipulated the Roaches' paranoia by informing him that Elrod intended to steal the gold. Cerebus persuaded The Cockroach to help him remove the gold to a safer place.

This time, Cerebus attempted to make away with the gold by means of a boat on the Feld River. Unfortunately, as luck would have it, Elrod the Albino just happened to show up at the very moment that Cerebus and The Cockroach made their way down the river. Elrod and The Roach end up in a fight, the noise of which attracted the attention of the local constables, who arrived in force. A large brawl followed, leaving the Cockroach unconscious and Elrod standing over a pile of unconscious bodies, while Cerebus departed down the river.

Cerebus often referred to The Cockroach as "the bug" or "cootie" throughout their time together.

#### Cockroach Quotes

* "These **are** bizarre times."
* "EVIL! EVIL! EVIL! Hsssss!"
* "It's not **easy** losing your mother at nineteen...I've been all \*sob\* alone ever since **you**, you Red Claw Followers killed my mom and dad! **THIRTY YEARS**...**THIRTY \*SOB\* YEARS!**"
* "**Eh?** My --- My *cockroach* sense is ***tingling***! How odd...*especially* since I didn't know I ***had*** a cockroach sense!"

### Captain Cockroach

The Cockroach was later discovered and rescued from the Beduin constabulary by President Weisshaupt, who manipulated him into a new identity, "Captain Cockroach". Weisshaupt tricked the Roach into believing that he had immersed him in 'alucase', a special solution created by a Professor Reisenshein, which had the miraculous property of making his muscles grow larger every time he used them. Weisshaupt then convinced him to move his entire collection of marble statues from the basement of his Oval Hideout to the attic and back again, multiple times.

President Weisshaupt also used Captain Cockroach as a propaganda tool against the military tribunal that governed Beduin, presenting the Roach to the population as a superman and saviour of the city from the 'Hsiffy' menace in order to persuade them to invest their life savings in totally worthless war bonds issued by his United Feldwar States Government-in-Exile. This underground government consisted almost solely of the President, along with Captain Cockroach and Bunky the Albino (Elrod in his first role as the Roach's sidekick). Impressed by the Captain's display of muscle power and his enhanced stature and by alarmist tales of an imminent Hsiffy invasion, the Beduinese handed over their gold in exchange for these bonds that the President promised they could redeem in the future for doses of 'alucase' so that they too could become part of the new 'master race' like the Captain and 'beat the Hsiffies'.

Eventually, after an adventure involving a Sopai assassin, The Roach found himself on his own again, when the coup d'etat plan concocted by Cerebus and Weisshaupt against the military tribunal failed and the Lower Feldan authorities imprisoned Weisshaupt. He remained behind, following the final order given to him by Weisshaupt before his capture, to keep "making sure that the drapes don't eat the house plants."

#### Captain Cockroach Quotes

* "It's actually not difficult to build a physically superior specimen... The *tough* part is finding someone *gullible* enough to work at it for six months..." - Weisshaupt
* "Captain Cockroach is a prototype of the supermen of the future!" - Weisshaupt
* "**BAAWW!** I don't wanna die! I don't! I don't! I'm the wave of the future!!"

### The Moon Roach

The Roach next appeared in Iest, now having become the Moon Roach. He would drop large crescent moons made of stones onto people, including Holland M. Hadden, a prominent local businessman, whom Cerebus has just managed to inveigle into signing a lucrative contract, once again standing between Cerebus and the gold he covets.

Cerebus chased him and discovered that he lived with Astoria, a young woman who exerted control over the Moon Roach after having seduced him at some point in the past, though she claims that he "ravished" her and that she took pity on him, sensing "something *decent* in him." She had implanted his new-found interest in economics and in the plight of the poor and oppressed and had created a new 'normal' personality for him: Artemis Strong (there is no particular reason to believe that this is his real name). Astoria alleged that he came up with the Moon Roach personality himself, but Countess Michelle later contradicted this story. According to the Artemis personality (as related by Astoria), he worked as a gardener for an important Feldan government official, until one day he discovered a strange glowing costume in his greenhouse that took him over, turning him into the Moon Roach. She claimed that she simply wanted to help him "establish diplomatic contacts to aid the Feldan people."

The Moon Roach continued to make trouble for Cerebus after this first meeting, dropping another giant stone crescent moon on the Grand Inquisitor of the Eastern Church of Tarim, who questioned Cerebus about Hadden's death, as suspicion had fallen on him because of the meeting they had shortly before the murder. Cerebus again chased the Roach, but discovered that he and Astoria had fled their original rooms to another hideout.

Astoria shortly afterward approached Cerebus with a "business proposition" that she and the Moon Roach will ally themselves with Cerebus and assist him in his advancement up the political ladder in Iest. It became clear that Astoria ordered the Moon Roach to kill Hadden and the Grand Inquisitor and she continued to use him to assassinate government officials, but this time with the purpose of strengthening Cerebus' position rather than weakening it. With Cerebus now her main ally, Astoria ignored the Roach and even abandoned him sexually for Cerebus, with whom she began a romantic relationship.

This resulted in increased tension between the Moon Roach, Cerebus and Astoria with the Roach jealous of Cerebus and angry at both of them. He became love-lorn, despondent and melancholy about the fact that Astoria had dumped him for 'an over-sized rabbit'.

Moon Roach then decided to strike back at Astoria for having deserted him by killing officials in an attempt to sabotage her plans in Iest for Cerebus. He dropped a giant crescent moon on the Governor of the Legislature, precipitating a crisis among Astoria's allies but one which she managed to resolve. By this point, Cerebus with Astoria's assistance, had gathered so many supporters that Moon Roach found himself unable to significantly damage Cerebus' position in Iest, regardless of who he killed. Without their support, Moon Roach was reduced to working as a cab driver, "Blake Jockley", possibly having created the personality prior to Cerebus' arrival in Iest.

In the guise of Jockley, the Moon Roach appeared at the Ambassador Suite in the Regency Hotel and ended up in a brawl with the McGrew Brothers who he mis-identified as "Red Claw Onliu tenement owners" who had sawed through "his parents semi-detached dwelling", killing them. Much like his relationship with Elrod, who became his sidekick after a fight, the McGrew Brothers also formed a partnership with the Moon Roach following his battle with them.

Apparently accepted back into the fold, the Moon Roach, along with the McGrew Brothers, joined Cerebus' campaign entourage during the Election, acting as bodyguards. He continued to pretend that Astoria still had a romantic interest in him, despite her complete indifference, treating it as part of some cunning ploy to deceive everyone around them. Astoria's only reference to the Roach in her Journal, according to the Narrator of *The True History of the 1413 Election*, is as a "substitute wheel", redundant and largely useless in Astoria's eyes. The Roach remained, as usual, totally oblivious to the true state of affairs, seemingly having retreated into the safety of a comforting delusion.

However, reality finally crashed in on him and he confessed to Cerebus that he knew Astoria no longer loved him. At this point, a sub-personality, Kevitch, emerged and took control of the Roach, causing him to affect a nonchalant, cool attitude toward his lost 'love' Astoria, an outlook more in keeping with a teenage boy's preferences in a comic book hero. This sub-personality co-existed with the Moon Roach and they often had mental conversations with each other. Like an obsessive comics fan, Kevitch commented on the Moon Roach's actions, offering encouragement and occasionally ridiculing him and correcting his continuity errors.

The Moon Roach's emotional state continued to worsen, despite the Kevitch personality's efforts, and he started drinking heavily. While the Roach layin a drunken stupor, Kevitch revealed to the Regency Elf that the Roach has decided that he could win back Astoria if he found the Albatross, a statue of a duck that she sought for some reason. The Roach never seemed to go anywhere with this plan.

The Roach's psyche started to splinter and, at the point in the election when Cerebus stood on the cusp of victory, a new sub-personality emerged, more in keeping with a member of the Prime Minister-in-Waiting's official bodyguard: Sergeant Preston.

#### Moon Roach Quotes

* "Unorthodox Economic Revenge. Hssss."
* "There is **EVIL!** Evil that hangs in the air. Evil swirling all around him...His roach-sense, honed to perfection, tells him that evil is nearby, growing faster by the moment...he steels himself -- readying mind and body for the confrontation...his features betray no emotion...but deep within his roach-mind he **wonders**...can it be that the evil is already here...now...or...?" "Or is he just jealous because an over-sized rabbit is **hustling** his chick?"
* "Any moment now, Astoria would appear, hastening to the Roach-lair, unaware that Roach-eyes were watching her every move...What would she *do* when she found him **gone?** The Moon Roach intended to find out...He would not be cruel though! When she starts to **cry**, he will be at her side in an instant, **consoling** her. He...the sound of spiked heels on pavement brings his Roach sense to full alert. So! She had managed to stay away for almost a full hour! But soon, now...soon she would be **begging** his forgiveness...**pleading** with him to let her stay...**imploring** him to..." "A **clever** ploy!...but the Moon Roach will not be fooled by a mere look-alike"
* "It's **working**. So far no *one* suspects that Astoria is **really** the *Moon Roach's* chick..."
* "Astoria doesn't love...*m*...*me* she *l*...*loves* YOU!
* "Suddenly, realizing what a fool he's making of himself, the Moon Roach straightens up! His eyes narrow to thin slits of icy contempt. 'To be honest,' *he hisses*...I DON'T CARE, KEVITCH! I DON'T! I DON'T! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE - ALL OF YOU!! I WANT TO DIE! DIE!! **DIE!!**"

### Sergeant Preston of the Northern Iestan Mounted Police

The Roach's new personality did not supplant that of the Moon Roach. He continued to switch back and forth between them, with the Kevitch independent personality interjecting commentary. Although acknowledging Astoria as the Prime Minister's mistress, the Roach still believed that she harbored a "seething passion" for him. He engaged in a drinking contest with Astoria and they both got stinking drunk on "White Lightning" moonshine, leaving Cerebus with the task of manhandling them back to Iest.

With Cerebus as Prime Minister and Astoria as his secretary fully occupied in running the government of Iest, the Roach once again found himself in the position of "spare wheel". He took matters into his own hands and in an attempt to make himself useful (and presumably to win back Astoria's favour), engaged in independent investigations of criminals and subversives opposed to the new government. Unfortunately, the Roach managed to capture the criminals working on the Prime Minister's behalf.

Undeterred by a setback like this, the Roach continued to act against opponents of Cerebus, unofficially tracking down and assaulting persons whom he has overheard the Prime Minister ranting about in private meetings on which he had eavesdropped.

However, everything the Roach did seemed only to make matters worse for Cerebus and didn't bring him the recognition he desired from the Prime Minister and Astoria. Sergeant Preston became a notorious figure to the population of Iest, his persecution of subversives precipitating a brief rebellion against the government that ended with the Lower City in flames and the Anarcho-Romantic political faction demanding that Cerebus as Prime Minister "...disband the Northern Iestan Mounted Police and fire your "Sergeant Preston", something Cerebus could not do, as he had no knowledge of the Preston persona.

The Roach's final act as Preston involved trying to save the Prime Minister from an apparent assassination attempt in the War Room during the Hsifan Invasion of Iest. Cerebus had simply gotten drunk on whiskey, but Preston mistook this for poisoning and doused Cerebus in a bucket of "liquid frostonite" in order to stop him falling asleep and dying.

With the collapse of the Republican government and Cerebus' departure from Iest, the Roach abandoned the Preston personality and took on the guise of a Priest of the Eastern Church of Tarim, which resumed control of the country.

#### Sgt. Preston Quotes

* "...And so, in his guise as mild-mannered Sergeant Preston of the Northern Iestan Mounted Police he is now able to do his duty...to insure that no harm befalls the next Prime Minister and his beautiful young mistress. 'On Huskies' he cries, this stalwart and pure defender of the True North, strong and free.!"
* "He's made of **gray** frostonite...the' only substnce that c'n remove our powers 'n' make the world spin \*hic\* in th' oppopposite 'drection."
* "I'm Sergeant Preston of the Northern Iestan Mounted Police' he announces...I don't have the authority to arrest you...so I'm just going to rough you up a bit, **INSTEAD!**"
* "Sergeant Preston stands poised in mid-leap, awaiting the completion of the Prime Minister's coded psionic instructions...all fifty-six Roach senses humming...'fifty-seven' says Kevitch, correcting him..."

### Priest Roach

Following the collapse of Prime Minister Cerebus' Republican government in Iest, the Roach assumed a new identity as a Priest in the resurgent Eastern Church of Tarim, although it is unlikely that he had really joined the priesthood. He took on this personality for a short time, searching the ship on which Cerebus and a number of other characters have hidden themselves to escape the retribution of the Church, including Lord Julius and Elrod. According to Countess Michelle, he did not to Astoria.

In this persona, the Roach described himself with as "The Purely Platonic Priest Roach" and "The Passionately Pious Priest Roach".

#### Priest Roach Quotes

* "These atheists are a superstitious and *cowardly* lot"
* "I can't *arrest* you, because there's no law against *talking funny* -- not **YET** *anyhow!* But I'm keeping my *eye* on you -- *get* *me*?"

### Wolveroach

When Cerebus visited Countess Michelle, he met Wolveroach, who was under her watch. Weisshaupt had manipulated the Roach into becoming Wolveroach by threading his costume with lead to make him stronger and seem invincible.

#### Wolveroach Quotes

* "**SNIKT. SNIKT. SNIKT.**"
* "SOUGHT BY A **LEGION** OF DREADED FOES! **HOUNDED** BY HUMAN **JACKALS!** SCORNED BY THE **WOMAN** HE **LOVES!** THE WOLVEROACH **HIDES...NO...MORE!**"

### Secret Sacred Wars Roach

Later, the Roach took on the persona of the Secret Sacred Wars Roach, donning an all black costume with a red roach on the front.

#### Secret Sacred Wars Roach Quotes

* "**THA** POK **THA** POK **THA** POK"
* "All the *time* I feel their eyes upon me...the unspoken question *When will the dreadful power within him break free*"

### normalroach

Donning a suit, bow tie and glasses (with little antennae), the Roach took on the persona of normalroach. At one point, forced to remove the antennae by a Cirinist, he put his pointer fingers on either side of his forehead to simulate them. normalroach liked to curse at the Cirinists, but when they asked him what he said, he would act mild-mannered and says nothing.

He later returned, seeming to have integrated his personalities into a more coherent (or at least self-aware) whole. These are led by a new identity, the Punisheroach.

### Punisheroach

Under the Punisheroach personality, the Roach exhibited clear telepathic/mystical powers and a much clearer picture of the world than he normally did, though he was still far from completely sane. He also had semi-automatic crossbows with exploding quarrels (designed by the Charles X. Claremont part of his now-"integrated" personality).

### Swoon

Later, after an abortive love affair, the Roach turned into Swoon, became overly-solemn, wore a black cloak, and his eyes turned into black pits. He also decided that Elrod was Snuff, though Elrod was uncharacteristically reluctant to go along with it.

## Appearances

Appears in issues #11 - #12, #21 - #22, #30 - #33, #39 - #46, #48, #49, #51, 54 55 56 #154 - #155, #158 - #165, #167 - #174, #176, #179, #180, #182, issue 203.

Cameos/Mentions in issues #13, 78, #156 - #157, #166, issue 193 (by Dave while talking the Cerebus), issue 218, #300

## Basis

Almost all of the Roach's personalities are based on various pop culture characters.

## Dave Sim on the Roach

* **Q1:** Why did you spell the Roach's name "Artemis" instead of "Artemus"? "Artemis" is/was female.

**Dave:** Well, yeah. That's the point. Sort of making fun of the feminists who are using male spellings for their names (like Yves). The obvious next step is for them to start calling men by women's names. You know, Maybe if we give them the names of carers and nurturers they'll stop being evil wicked men and become more...well, more like us perfect beings. (bat, bat).
**Q2:** In Mothers & Daughters, we see that the Roach is aware of the chess game between Po and Cerebus. When did he become omniscient?
**Dave:** The Roach became omniscient on page 5 of issue 154. He was also omniscient at several points in the latter part of Church & State. Like anything else, I suspect that omniscience is subject to entropy and gravitation. I trust that's obscure enough an answer for you.
* **Q**: What is the Roach character doing, so far he’s been MoonRoach, Captain Roach, Wolveroach, Punisher Roach ...?

**Dave:** He’s just comic books personified! All of the things that I do with him are improvised at the time based on whatever is going on in comic books, and it becomes more and more difficult to do a parody of a superhero, because most superheroes look like parodies anyway now. You can take as many spikes and chains and capes as you want and it’s not going to look too terribly different from the superheroes that are at the top of the sales charts right now.
Basically, because I’m trying to do a life, and I’m talking about my own life as much as life in general, that’s what my life is made up of, it’s a very ordinary kind of life, and every once in a while I go to a comic book convention or a comic book store and there they are the guys in the four colour tights, all around me. So I just condense them all down to one superhero. But that is a very strange way to live, whereas I think my life is a lot like everyone else’s, except every once in a while along come the guys in the long underwear.
## References

 1. ↑ *Cerebus No. 11*, page 2
2. ↑ *Cerebus No. 11*, page 5
3. ↑ *Cerebus No. 11*, page 9
4. ↑ *Cerebus No. 12*, page 11
5. ↑ *Cerebus No. 27*, Letters page
6. ↑ *Cerebus No. 21*, page 10
7. ↑ *Cerebus No. 21*, page 16
8. ↑ *Cerebus No. 21*, page 18
9. ↑ *Cerebus No. 39*, pages 8 - 10
10. ↑ *Cerebus No. 26*, page 24
11. ↑ *Cerebus No. 41*, page 3
12. ↑ *Cerebus No. 42*
13. ↑ *Cerebus No. 31, page 14*
14. ↑ *Cerebus No, 33*, page 7
15. ↑ *Cerebus No. 33*, page 11
16. ↑ *Cerebus No. 40*, page 5
17. ↑ *Cerebus No. 41*, page 3
18. ↑ *Cerebus No. 41*, page 4
19. ↑ *Cerebus No. 44*
20. ↑ *Cerebus No. 44*, page 1
21. ↑ *Cerebus No. 44*, page 14
22. ↑ *Cerebus No. 47*, page 4
23. ↑ *Cerebus No. 48*, page 3
24. ↑ *Cerebus No. 51*, page 10
25. ↑ *Cerebus No. 51*, page 11
26. ↑ *Church & State II*
27. ↑ *Cerebus No. 81*, page 2
28. ↑ *Cerebus No. 81*, page 9
29. ↑ *Cerebus No. 137*
30. ↑ *Cerebus No. 154*
31. ↑ 1992 USEnet Interview
32. ↑ 1993 Interview