The Social Justice War

A Memian WW1-esque landship prepares to ambush Primeland forces.

### Casualties and Losses

Spicy-Memia: 1,000 - 4,000 killed or wounded (approx). Primeland: 3,500 - 9,000 killed or wounded (approx).

**The Social Justice War** is the second major conflict between Spicy-Memia and Primeland. Unlike The First Chicken Goujon War, The Social Justice War is mostly being fought in World War One style trench warfare on Primeland territories. It was the first conflict involving **Matthew Dempsey** and **Jacques Tagholm**, who had recently became military superpowers of Primeland.

## History

On January 9th 2017 during a Competitive Dodgeball Tournament event in Spicy-Memia, of which Tagholm, Dempsey and Sage all partook in, Sage took a direct head shot from one of the dodge balls thrown by Dempsey. Sage was quickly taken to a Matron, due to him claiming that the impact of the ball had dazed him, and subsequently caused severe head pains.

Later on, during an interview with Hardenhuish State News (HSN), Sage stated: '***I've had it up to here with those insufferable oafs! The behaviour they presented during that match was appalling, and now my head really hurts! I have always stated that I don't have a problem with "the people", but I do have a problem with what they do. Now, I really do have a problem with "the people" if they are like that!***'

Sage's comments were not taken lightly by Tagholm or Dempsey, and they debated after the interview about The LGBT Community and why there was nothing wrong with it. This debate failed, as Sage refused to listen and only accepted the apology given by Dempsey.

Tagholm then ordered for The Primeland Armed Forces to destroy one of The Sageist Shrines that had been built in **Luganville**, the capital city of Primeland. This created a huge amount of controversy with Spicy-Memia's government and The Sageist Community in general, who deemed the destruction of the shrine as an instigation of war. Pomeroy I also demanded that Tagholm should make a public apology to all Sageists for his actions.

Deeming his religion was under attack, Sage ordered for any resistance in Primeland to be crushed. Several battles occurred across Luganville the same day. On January 10th 2017, Sage and Tagholm entered into intense trench warfare on New No Man's Land, located somewhere in the jungles of Luganville's outskirts. Both sides now had greater numbers of soldiers than in The First Chicken Goujon War, most of which were from allied countries who had come to fight voluntarily.

## Initial Engagements

In the early hours of 9th January 2017, Sageist Guerillas rose up against their Primish oppressors in Luganville. Having been funded by Spicy-Memia, these Guerillas occupied a flat block and had a short shootout with Primish military police who had been sent to suppress these brave men. Throughout the day many more small scale engagements between Sageist Guerillas and Primish police forces occurred, resulting in a total casualty rate of 3 killed and 11 wounded for the Guerillas and 5 killed for the Primish Police.

## The First Battle

At approximately 0500 am 10th January 2017, the Spicy-Memian's main forces had arrived.

## Battle of Luganville - 25 March 2017 - 1 April 2017

**The Battle of Luganville** was a battle that raged throughout the outskirts and inner city of the Primeland capital of Luganville. The battle started in the early hours of the 25 March and didn't stop until after the Primeland flag was taken down and replaced with the Spicy-Memian state flag.

The main centre of the city and the 'New Northeast Train Sheds' fell within two days of combat however the bulk of the fighting was during the siege of 'Fort Schumucker'. The governor's residence stayed mainly intact before it was razed on 31 March following the full capture of Fort Schmucker.

The fort had been badly damaged from constant bombardment from the IMN Dribbler and various artillery divisions firing from the safety of Chode Ridge (to the north).

The governor's residence was razed to the ground after it was clear that the battler had been won. Members of the IMA ignited the curtains of the newly rebuilt estate. The grounds of the property were watered with canisters of Napalm and state issued Clorox.

At 13:00 on 1 April the Memian flag was raised at the key side of Luganville docks and the city was officially captured by the Memian Armed Forces. Following this victory it is unknown whether Primeland will issue an unconditional surrender to continue fighting.

## Events of Importance

On January 16th 2017, Supreme Leader Woropay I released a video tape to Spicy-Memia, stating that he had fled Primeland and would remain hidden in a secret location until the war had ended. And so began the greatest game of Hide and Seek in history, with Spicy-Memia's forces hunting Woropay down across the world, and calling for anyone to track him down for a substantial reward. The reward being Freddo bars at their most reasonable price of 17p for a lifetime, which set every British person into motion trying to hunt Woropay down.

On January 23rd 2017, Tagholm released a statement, stating that he was seeking social justice for all the statements Sage had made about LGBT, Vegans and pretty much anything else Sage doesn't like that Tagholm does. The war was given the official name of 'The Social Justice War' as a result of Tagholm's statement, which went viral and was mercilessly mocked by internet users.

On January 30th 2017, Spicy-Memia seized control of The North Trench, which had previously been held by Primeland. Following this, most Primeland soldiers in The North Trench were shot and killed immediately, whilst some were able to escape to The Northeast and Northwest trenches. On February 6th 2017, The Meme Lord known as Northeast announced that he had allied with Primeland, and was now the primary controller of The Northeast Trench. He was then distracted when he saw an Armoured Train, and went off to do some Trainspotting, which led to him being pushed off a railway bridge and ran over by the train, killing him instantly.

On February 13th 2017, Tagholm assembled The Social Justice League, consisting of himself, Dempsey and some other SJW's. The SJL would lead many invasions into other trenches and drop numerous bombs on Port Hardenhuish via The Primeland Air Force's new superjet 'Jet McJetface'.

From February 20th 2017 until February 27th 2017, The Feminazi Invasion occurred. In order to piss off Spicy-Memia, some SJW informed Tumblr that soldeirs in The South Trench of New No Man's Land were making sexist, misogynistic videos and uploading them to the internet. This triggered many Feminazi's on Tumblr, and they enlisted in The Primeland Armed Forces, attacking The Southern Trenches occupied by Spicy-Memia. The Feminazi Invasion ended after a small atomic bomb was dropped on Feminazi's occupying the centre of New No Man's Land by Primeland forces, who were getting really pissed off with The Feminazi's.

On March 6th 2017, Oliver Mead, wearing a Prussian Pith helmet, sunglasses, modern skinhead leather jacket, an Exodus shirt, fresh timbs, cargo pants and a Bavarian flag, attacked Primeland-occupied territories in a WW1-style landship whilst playing the entire 'Reign In Blood' album by Slayer as loud as possible through the landship's loudspeakers. It was estimated that in this attack alone, Mead had killed approximately 3,000 Primeland Troops, either by crushing them with the tank or blowing them up with the cannons.

On March 13th 2017, Dempsey was spotted enjoying a glass of lemonade on his private estate near New No Man's Land. Sage and his disciples ambushed the estate and threw dodgeballs at him until Dempsey fled. The estate was then placed under Memian territory.

On March 20th 2017, The SJL attempted to reclaim the estate via a coup, which resulted in Spicy-Memia being able to take over The Northeast and Northwest trenches, which were under Primeland occupation.

On March 27th 2017, one of the few Diesel Engines owned by The Spicy-Memian Railway was dispatched into Primeland. Not only was it carrying supplies, but it was also carrying a nuclear missile in one of it's trucks. Intel from soldiers on the front line indicates that the nuke will be launched towards Luganville on April 3rd in order to make Primeland surrender, whilst others have speculated that the nuke will be launched directly at the battlefield site.

On April 3rd 2017, the final battle occurred in Luganville. The remaining squadrons of The Primeland Army, as well as The Social Justice League, were ambushed by Spicy-Memian forces hiding in trees and beneath the ground. Tagholm and Dempsey were eventually the only ones remaining on Primeland's side, pitted up against former Primeland Military Leaders, Harry Jenkins and Luke Strange, who were released from one of The Gulags so long as they captured the Primeland leaders. Tagholm and Dempsey subsequently surrendered, and The Social Justice War came to an end, with a Spicy-Memian victory.

## Aftermath

News of the war's end was spread across the nation, with celebrations occurring in both Spicy-Memia and Primeland. Supreme Leader Woropay, upon hearing the end of the war, agreed to the unconditional surrender, and Primeland is now under permanent Spicy-Memian occupation.

Toby Nicholls, leader of Nipple State, remains at large, and has supposedly fled Primeland, abandoning his position as Chancellor of The Primeland Government. It is unknown who will take his place, but according to rumours, The Memian Government will have decide who becomes the new Chancellor of Primeland. Nicholls released a text-to-speech statement to HSN a few hours after the war's end:

***'Primeland may have surrendered, but their cowardliness is so obvious, it is to be expected. I will never surrender to the oppression of Spicy-Memia, Warlord Martin and Emperor Pomeroy, nor shall any of my soldiers. We will not allow our society to be continuously corrupted by these disgusting pigs from our inferior neighbouring nation, nor will we let them destroy us. I warn you, Spicy-Memia, that if you continue your despicable ways, we will give you one final warning. You will not see it coming, you will be shocked by it and you will regret every single disgraceful act you ever bestowed upon my country.'***

Jenkins and Strange also confirmed that they were allowed to live rather than be executed due to their military knowledge of Primeland, and were working with The Imperial Ministry for National Security (*see Imperial Gulag Guard*) to bring down Primeland, due to them thinking that 'SJWs are a bunch of retards who can't change anything'. The fate of Rodney Platt is yet to be determined, though due to his racist attack, there has been demands that if Platt is still alive, he should be publicly burnt at the stake for racism and murder.