What do you do when you are not your parents’ favorite?

I was the apple of my daughter's eye for the first 12 months of her life. She had plenty of smiles for her dad, of course, but was more settled, less grizzly and generally happier when she had me in her sights. Then just after her first birthday, it all changed.

All of a sudden it was Daddy she cried for and wanted to play with; Daddy she'd barrel past me to cuddle when we picked her up from her grandparents. I tried to be grown up about it. There's something really special about the father / daughter relationship and I was secure enough in our bond not to feel (entirely) rejected. But it bucked the commonly held belief that it's generally the main caregiver who is the 'golden' parent, especially for children under the age of three. What was going on?

But being second best is hard, and often a bruised ego is the very least of it.

**MORE FROM NETDOCTOR**

Here's how to manage your smart phone addiction

Play Video

**Here's how to redress the balance...**

**Do work as a team**

"You need to tackle this as a couple, rather than the less-favoured parent making all the moves to even things out," says Dr Andrew. "It's not about getting your child to 'like' you more – it's about changing the family dynamic so that you **both have time for the fun stuff and you both play a role when it comes to discipline**. As the favoured parent, it can feel as though you are rejecting your child's affections but the aim is to **encourage more family togetherness,** as opposed to simply shifting the preferred status from one parent to another. Back up everything the non-favoured parent says, and step back a little from games and so on to let the other parent take a turn. Be present but allow the other parent to dress or feed your child – and shower them with praise them for being a good boy or girl for mummy and daddy."

**Don't exploit your honoured position**

"Try to avoid saying things like, 'I know I'm your favourite,'" says clinical child psychologist Dr Carol Burniston. "It labels what it going on in the child's head and exacerbates it when in fact **this behaviour is so common as to be classed as normal**."

**Don't be desperate to please**

"Don't let your non-favoured status fool you into thinking you're not a good parent or your child doesn't love you," says Dr Burniston. "For mothers, it's helpful to know that when a child favours the other parent it's **often because they have a very secure attachment to you**, which allows them to show affection for another person without compromising your relationship." Allow your child the space she needs to express her love for someone else without becoming needy.

**Know that it won't last**

"From five onwards it all changes again," says Dr Andrew. "It's around this time that children start to find more common interests with other parent, as their peer groups begin to influence them – for instance, boys who have always been very mummy-focused suddenly start to have more in common with their fathers as they begin to appreciate male role models / peer groups."

**Try not to take it personally.**

That's not to say it's not tough. I'm ashamed to say I've had many moments where my better self has bowed out and I've stomped off, leaving Amelia and her dad to it. But there are signs that I may yet be deemed worthy. Just yesterday I found her waiting at the front door in her coat and wellies, ready to walk the dog with me rather than rake up leaves in the garden with her dad. "It's hard not to take it personally, but be assured it does all even out in the end," says Dr Burniston.