Dignan

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⚠️ This article is missing large parts of the Diggy lore and so is still under construction ⚠️

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> "My name's Dignan. From now on, you're gonna call me Dignan."
>
> -Dignan, Guess the Rapper from Quadeca's Styles of Rap

Dignan Zazumba (formaly Dignan Dirkin and Dignan Zazumba-Zaffodil) is a Merry Prankster, the non-fictional alter-ego of Graydon Weaver, the third co-host of Hivemind, and one of the Seven Deadly Sins.

### Relatives

Dunlap (brother)Dignity (twin sister) Milly Rock (step-sister)Benjamin Reichwald aka Bladee (cousin)

## Appearances

### Debut

Guess the Rapper from Quadeca's Styles of Rap

He occasionally replaces Graydon in Hivemind videos and live streams.

## Biography

Dignan was born in Tulum, Mexico and moved to Flagstaff, Arizona at a very young age. While in Flagstaff he was adopted by the mayor. At some point, he moved to Lithuania and grew up there until he was approximately 13 or 14 years old, at which point he had to leave due to his drinking problems. He claims to have grown up in the Empire State Building. At 16, he purchased his first rental property. Later, he ended up being imprisoned. After a long and ruthless life he wandered his way into Hivemind studios. He does not exactly know how he got on.

### Pier 1 Imports Alien

At 14, Dignan encountered an extra-terrestrial in a Pier One Imports while looking for a mother's day gift for his mom. After knocking over a piece of ceramic. The worker who assisted him accidentally dropped a ray gun out of their dress, and, after realising Dignan noticed, was beamed up to space.

### Inverting the Worm

Between 2014 and 2021, in New York, Dignan assisted in an emergency situation in which the pilot of a subway car fell asleep drunk at the wheel, meaning Dignan had to take over the train. After pushing the drunk pilot out of the way and finishing what liquor he didn't; Dignan swerved the train into the wall, burrowed, like a mole, through the earth and came out onto the Hudson River, flipping the car, or "inverting the worm". After safely landing on the river, Dignan carried the pilot to safety. Mayor Bill de Blasio thanked him, and Dignan said "no thanks, but thanks."

## Family & Relationships

In *The Name Game (Episode 1)*, Graydon revealed that Dignan **murdered his entire family** to achieve the number one spot on Famous Birthdays for people with the last name Zazumba-Zaffodil.

### Family

Dignan's father died choking on cat shit, but was also an entrepreneur, which Dignan claims is where he got it from. The show "Long Island medium" used to make Dignan's dad horny, which made Dignan uncomfortable. Dignan has a step-sister named Milly Rock who invented the Macarena, she is also paralyzed from the ankle down. Dignan has a twin sister named Dignity, who is a Tennessee congresswoman. Dignan has an estranged brother named Dunlap who supposedly owes him $50. Dignan has also admitted to frequently feigning videos in which he is taken hostage by ‘bad guys’ as a way of getting money from his parents.

#### Extended Family

Dignan's cousin is Swedish rapper Bladee, aka Benjamin Reichwald.

If you go back "a few grams" on Dignan’s family tree you will find that the Cheney name appears.

### Relationship with Big Sean

Dignan previously dated rapper Big Sean. After Dignan "super liked" him on Tinder, Sean flew him out to Dollyworld. Dignan took the chance to profess his love on the show, claiming "no-one has ever made me feel this way".

#### Big Sean Puke Omelet Incident

After returning from a date at Dollywood, Dignan and Big Sean returned to Sean's house. After drinking two boxes of wine, Dignan decided to attempt the five-finger knife game, unfortunately chopping off a small part of his finger. Sean's aversion to blades caused him to vomit, with which Dignan decided to make and eat an omelet, combined with his blood and other bodily waste.

Dignan understands why Big Sean wants to burn that bridge, claiming he went "way too far". He claims he's in a new era of realizing his flaws, but not changing his ways.

### Relationship with Dan Marino

In *Guess the Song from the REVERSED Audio*, Dignan mentions that he is going to mention his new friend Dan Marino a lot. Dignan says he hopes Dan Marino would consider him a close friend, as he has been spending lots of quality time with his whole family at one of their houses. Dignan mentions that he went to the Marino's household for a family reunion where they welcomed one of their daughters, Kelsey Marino home from college. He mentions Dan Marino is a terrible husband to his wife Tripsy, but he is a good friend to him. A week later, Dignan, Dan Marino and Tripsy Marino went golfing at Whispering Pines in Jupiter, Florida where Dan Marino played exceptionally well. Dignan also mentions that a couple of days beforehand, he was running slants for Dan, and he broke several of Dignan's fingers. Dignan mentions that he believes the world will end soon, and that he wants to spend the rest of his days with his new pal, Dan Marino. Dignan gets angry at Riley for only associating Dan with his football career, saying he is "so much more than that." Dignan and the Marinos also took their youngest son, Tamborine Marino (Tamborino) to an Outback Steakhouse for his birthday. In *WLR or Die Lit? Keep One Leave One* Dignan mentions he went swimming at Dan Marinos house and he loaned him a perfect pair of pants, which were later confiscated by airport security for trace amounts of cocaine. Dignan says Dan Marino has been the only person to love him for who he really is. Dignan invited Graydon and Riley over to Dan's house for a cookout, it is unclear wether or not Riley attended. There are speculations about Dignan having an affair with Marino after he said in the episode "Guess What Fantano Scored the Album (with Quadeca & Brad Taste in Music)" that he had sex with a man named Dan, but given how candidly Dignan talks about the former Miami Dolphins quarterback and how well established his history with the channel is, he likely would have specified that it was Dan Marino in particular he was referring to.

### Other Relationships

Dignan may have been involved with the Starbucks mermaid logo, but this is unclear. During a HIVEMIND video, Dignan flirted with one of Riley's Starbucks cups, becoming visibly flustered and asking Riley's permission to speak to the cup after the video was completed (which Riley exasperatedly agreed to.) Later, in the second Hivemind Bits Bracket, this clip was incorrectly labeled as "Graydon flirts with a Starbucks cup." Graydon then speaks to a Starbucks cup awkwardly, as if they have had turbulent relations before. He then says that the two of them were together and he received a sexually transmitted infection from her. It is unclear whether this relationship was between Dignan or Graydon, though it is likely both.

Dignan was in a relationship with a woman by the name of Mary Prankster, whom he would often wake up by flashing strobe lights in her face. This was likely the cause of her developing cataracts, which ultimately caused him to leave her.

Dignan was at one point married to a Scottish rapper and Hertz Rental Car employee named Mitch-L (pronounced like Mitchell.) She was incredibly beautiful, but in 1998 she left Dignan for one of her co-workers named Ted after unsuccessfully telling him to stop drinking lean. Mitch-L and Ted have since adopted four orphaned porpoises as she was unable to have children herself.

Dignan later remarried and had children with a woman who he claims has a "bird beak" of a nose, which was passed onto their children. He later stated that he was married to American soccer champion Mia Hamm, and as no reference to divorcing or losing the bird beaked woman has been made it's relatively safe to assume these are the same person. Dignan stated if Mia Hamm double crossed him, he would "divorce the bitch," to which Riley purported that she certainly would double cross him due to being a soccer player.

The night before recording Guess What Fantano Scored the Album (with Quadeca & Brad Taste in Music), Dignan had three 60 year old women in his hotel room, whom he sought guidance from. They showed him how to do some funny dances and sounds, and also the butt-rock band Seether.

### Sexual Relationships

Dignan claims he was formerly in a sexual relationship with a "bag lady" named Christine, who has since passed after being hit by a stray bullet in the midst of the Russia/Ukraine conflict. Is also married to Lily Nowe.

Dignan has had casual sex with several coal miners and their daughters. The night before filming [this video] he had intimate relations with a miner's daughter named Respado. He claims it felt "dusty" and "right". He met her on Hinge, as he has his preferences set to coal miners. He "rizzed her up" by signing a parody of Desperado by The Eagles, which included her name and several lines about how she should date him.

Dignan has had several romantic relationships with escorts, Riley claims they "got attached".

Dignan has previously had a sexual relationship with a guy named Dan.

## Career

### HIVEMIND

Dignan joined the HIVEMIND cast in "Guess the Rapper from Quadeca's Styles of Rap" (14th of July 2021) in which "Graydon" changes his name to Dignan, marking Dignan's first appearance. He now appears semi-regularly in HIVEMIND and HIVEMIND UNLIMITED videos alongside Riley and occasional guests.

According to Riley, Dignan now earns triple his salary, after sealing a deal with Turner Network Television. Riley claims that "ratings skyrocket" when Dignan appears on the show.

Dignan is managed by Scooter Braun, who likely dropped clients like Justin Bieber, Ariana Grande, and Demi Lovato in order to focus on him.

### Sign Spinning

In "Guess the Popular Rap Song from the Sample \*8\*" Dignan reveals he works for Little Caesar's as a roadside sign spinner on 6 Mile Rd, Detroit. According to Dignan, it is one of the "top sign spinning jobs you can get in the industry", and he describes himself as the "best goddamn sign spinner on 6 Mile". Other sign spinners on the block include Joey, Bryce and Angelica.

Dignan also credits himself with the invention of the "Triple Twirl", and as the first person to ever stand on their own sign.

### Hitman

Dignan receives emails from clients, including God, commanding him to kill people.

### Iranian Stores

Dignan illegally owns several shops in Iran that sell rugs and trinkets. Although the sale, export and import of these business is legitimate, his ownership is not.

### Salamander Smuggling

Dignan smuggles "Egyptian salamanders" out of El Salvador, which he claims is "unbelievably illegal". Dignan does this by eating the eggs and then waiting for them to hatch inside him. This is however only so he can wring out the baby ones for their plutonium, in the effort to be the first one to try smoking plutonium.

### Stealing money from Riley

In "Guess the MUSIC VIDEO from 1 Random Frame", Riley describes an encounter he had with a wise man at a gas station, who had told him "his co-host was stealing money from behind his back". Dignan refutes his claim, skeptical that anyone would be stealing money from Riley, and that it wouldn't be theft if "someone" knew his passwords and copied his keys. In "Hivemind Bits Bracket" Dignan continues to assert that in a public space, it is legal for "anything to go down", meaning it is likely ~~he~~ someone is still stealing money from Riley.

### Nutritionalist

In "Guess the Rapper from the Weird Lyrics (Episode 6)", Dignan states "Im not an impressionist, dog. I'm a nutritionalist.

## Lifestyle

### Housing

Dignan lives underground in a hole due to the housing crisis.

### Health

Dignan takes performance-enhancing pills, which according to Riley, have no practical effect other than making you "feel drunk for two weeks".

In a duel, Dignan's eyes were shot out, meaning he now has glass eyes. (via stream January 7th)

Dignan completed the P90X workout program within two days, resulting in him "getting shredded", but also breaking bones, shredding muscles, and passing out.

### Drug Use

Dignan has confirmed he smokes crack. In Guess What Fantano Scored the Album (with Quadeca & Brad Taste in Music), Dignan offers that he and Brad smoke crack together.

As mentioned previously, Dignan is interested in being the first to smoke Salamander Plutonium.

### Pets

Dignan and Riley had a fish named Destroy Lonely, who got scared by their fish Bankroll, until they put Lonely in a new tank with Timothy the Aquatic Frog. Unfortunately Destroy Lonely killed himself, disintegrated, and was eaten by Timothy.

As mentioned previously, Dignan smuggles Egyptian Salamanders by consuming them.

### Beliefs

Dignan used to support the police, but he has since "drank the Kool-Aid" and no longer does.

### Hobbies

Dignan was previously in a band, who once did a black metal cover of "Minnesota" by Lil Yachty, although he does not remember it.

## Abilities

Dignan is reportedly one of the deadliest individuals to ever live, as evidenced by the myriad of commenters recounting his crimes, such as murdering entire families, burning homes to the ground, abducting people for extended time periods (including dozens of HIVEMIND subscriber's families) and more. Graydon and Riley have alluded to him killing people multiple times, and he even admitted to killing four people in Guantanamo Bay detention camp in the year 2006. He is so prolifically violent he is statistically the fourth most common fear in the HIVEMIND Universe. He is incredibly fast, athletic enough to be a candidate for four different NBA all star teams, and has set up large quantities of booby traps at every location he frequents so as to never be caught off guard.

While previously believed to have been a near undefeatable force, recent evidence points to several people potentially matching or beating Dignan in combat. Dignan at one point stole the chain necklace from Georgia rapper Rich the Kid, who subsequently "beat the absolute shit" out of him. He also referenced being beaten up by his own brothers, whom he did not realize he was related to at the time. Graydon is also believed to be his equal, as evidenced by the two of them breaking each other's arms when both of them simultaneously punched each other in the abs, which are evidently so rock hard they shatter bone, meaning for a normal person, striking either Graydon or Dignan would be tantamount to punching a concrete wall bare handed. Graydon was strong enough to resist being quartered by four horses, an execution method designed to tear a person apart, as stated in the Worst Tweets Of All Time Tier List, which also implies both he and Dignan possess superhuman levels of strength (assuming they can be scaled to each other.) Dignan also exhibited exceptional physical strength when he snapped the Holy Tree of the Woodspeople, as described in Guess The Rapper From The Weird Lyrics 6. Dignan tied his penis to the tree and jumped off. Why he did this is unknown, but the force of his descent snapped the tree in half, and as per their customs ostensibly made Dignan the de facto ruler of the Woodspeople. His reign was short lived as they later attempted to assassinate him by granting him a crown laced with poison ivy. Dignan is exceedingly allergic to poison ivy, to the same degree that Riley is allergic to peanut butter, shellfish, strawberries and also everything else put together. This logically should have killed him, and yet he survived regardless, implying Dignan is potentially impossible to kill by conventional means. Dignan is however not the most powerful character in the HIVEMIND universe, (although he is certainly one of its most dangerous,) that title goes to the Kool-Aid Man who has "infinite" strength.

Dignan's abilities extend beyond the physical and into the realm of the supernatural, as he is a Medium and is capable of contacting and (he implies) even dating undead spirits. When discussing his sign spinning career, he claims he was able to stand on his own sign "like a little perch" while both it and himself continue to spin. If true, this would imply Dignan has the ability to levitate or otherwise defy gravity somehow. Dignan has a limited capacity to control animals, particularly mice, by way of a pan flute. He used this ability to ethically remove the veritable social club of mice in his home while simultaneously lubricating them. This ability may also have aided him in his achievement of 3 million Guinness book world records, including ‘Longest Mice Rope’ and ‘Prettiest Mice Belt’, for which he bedazzled mice with diamonds. Dignan also has a form of mild precognition in the form of real life subtitles, which display words being said and actions being taken as per television captions. This allowed him to discern Riley was "quietly pissing" and "contemplating depression."

Dignan also has vomited so much as part of a weekly vomit test he was compelled into taking that his mouth produces a powerful acid, such that he must regularly replace his own teeth with the teeth of corpses. Dignan says if you put a coin in his mouth, it will dissolve in five minutes, which makes this acid comparable in potency to sulfuric acid (H2S04.) Dignan is also capable of urinating with enough force to cut sandwiches and clothing tags, or even shatter Riley's porcelain toilet or act as a jet-stream to aid in swimming.

### Music

According to Graydon, Dignan is also an exceptional rapper. Graydon compares him to Michelangelo and Tom Brady, who are not rappers, and describes his style as being a "stream of consciousness" that "always flows perfectly." He commonly raps to Graydon in his car, once going through the entire English alphabet, beginning each line with a word corresponding to a specific letter in sequential order, (such as using xylophone for the letter "X.") Despite his proficiency, Dignan has never been included in an XXL Freshman Class list or cypher on account of having never released a song.

## Trivia

* Dignan's Social Security Number is 1
* Dignan is 9’7”
* Dignan's limit is 44 shots.
* Dignan once won a cigarette smoking competition at a Chattanooga prison by smoking 16 cartons
* Dignan has achieved 3 million world records