Episode 2/Quotes

## The Mysteries of Pregnancy

Below is a list of quotes from the second episode of the *Shimoneta* anime series, "The Mysteries of Pregnancy", which premiered on July 11, 2015.

* **Ayame**: Well done, Tanukichi. What a huge "sex-cess", huh? Hear that pun?

* **Ayame**: Well, fine. Sit and stew in your juices. The fact is, you luring Anna means I got to give a three-minute show on fly fucking. *(repeatedly sticks a cinnamon stick inside a cookie)* And I was so on-the-nose, I'm sure even the delicate flowers at our school can figure out what body-melding is. *(bites into the cinnamon stick)*
* **Tanukichi**: You can't even eat without being perverted.
* **Ayame**: It's normal. You only see pervy cocky-sucking because deep down, you have a dirty mind.

* **Ayame**: The first time I terrorized the school yelling "clit-cock", I got such a rush down there, I had to go to the bathroom and stand on a garbage can to air out my undies with a hand-dryer!
* **Tanukichi**: Only you think that way! I don't support what we're doing and I want no part of it!
* **Ayame**: So what you're really trying to say is...*(thrusts her waist onto the table several times)* what we're doing makes you wanna pound flower-mound! Is that it?
* **Tanukichi**: SHUT UP!

* *(Tanukichi talks about his dad, Zenjuro Okuma, to the Student Council. The scene is a flashback to Zenjuro's terrorist attack.)*
* **Zenjuro**: Cock freedom forever! Pussy freedom forever! Asshole freedom forever! Freedom to all dirty cock-sniffers in the eyes of man...*(throws condoms into the air)* FREEDOM!

* **Ayame**: Bet you could power the whole city with the tingle you got down there when you betrayed her last week.

* **Ayame**: That fly video already got everyone's pants wet, so now we're blowin' the dam!

* **Hyouka**: Isn't it a lovely morning. Wanna discuss the process of body-melding with me?

* **Ayame**: If I had a magic wand between my legs, we'd be papering this school with a bunch of new dirty pictures.

* **Ayame**: Back then, people cared about making others happy. Our country used to suck. Now we just blow.
* **Tanukichi**: It's not our country that's gotten worse, it's your brain.
* **Ayame**: They even lock up little kids for saying the wrong thing, treat 'em like monsters just for saying "fur-burger". It's a new dark age. They act like dirty jokes are worse than murder.

* *(Anna talks about the painting in the Student Council room that Tanukichi had noticed.)*
* **Anna**: All I see is a peasant girl about to enjoy a midday snack in the form of a thick blood mushroom. The only thing that puzzles me, though, is why she isn't using her hands to eat it. Must be some kind of traditional party game.
* **Gouriki**: Hey, I'm not the only one who thought that was just a rotten banana, right?
* **Ayame**: Oh, big surprise. Gouriki always has bananas on the brain.
* **Gouriki**: *(scoffs)* That's not true, I hate bananas.

* **Ayame**: You're up. Go explain to her what that mushroom's really about.
* **Tanukichi**: Are you crazy? I can't tell her that.
* **Ayame**: Then perhaps the gorilla and I should give her a demonstration.
* **Tanukichi**: What's wrong with you? Don't demonstrate anything!
* **Anna**: Well, didn't take long for you two to become bosom buddies, did it?

* **Ayame**: I don't need a constitutional law lecture from you, gorilla, now help me tape Chatty Cathy's mouth shut!

* *(Ayame and Gouriki are arguing in the background as he tries to restrain her from taping Anna's mouth.)*
* **Anna**: This sounds strange, Mr. Okuma, but since you became a member, Student Council proceedings have never been more civil.

* **Ayame**: That ain't your heart talking, that's your "dink".

* **Ayame**: Let's say you're out and about and you see a hot chick's armpit, only it's hairy and it reminds you of her pussy, so you start stroking your cock to get the poison out before it backs up and hurts your brain. With the new law, they'd be able to record how many strokes it took for you to pop to that armpit girl. Of course, I bet part of you is excited at the thought of being watched like that.
* **Tanukichi**: As if!
* **Ayame**: And that's just the tip of the penis for how things will get if we let that become law.

* **Ayame**: Well, since that for new students like yourself, your body will be thoroughly examined. Now that I think about it, you may actually want to go ahead and start warming up your loins.
* **Tanukichi**: Why would this news have me acting like an animal?
* **Ayame**: 'Cause you'll be nude. When I say "thorough", I'm talking about them poking their heads and fingers up in every nook and cranny. And since you're such a pervert, the mere thought of that must have you harder than trig.
* **Tanukichi**: Not true! And for the record, I've had physicals. There's nothing erotic about them. They just measure your...
* **Ayame**: Dick with a ruler?
* **Tanukichi**: Height and weight!
* **Ayame**: Yeah, but dick measuring might be a good idea for gender equality. Otherwise, it's so not fair that girls have to measure their tits.
* **Tanukichi**: No fudging way!
* **Ayame**: Well, well, Tanukichi. If I didn't know better, I'd say you've got a tiny secret you're trying to hide. Dick sizes often counter to the slack of the sack. I assume then, with your teeny peeny, you've got big bouncers?
* **Tanukichi**: They're both completely average!
* **Ayame**: Well...I understand there's a margin of error due to different methods of measurement. Let's sabotage the physicals by adding protein to the urine samples.
* **Tanukichi**: Why would we do that?!
* **Ayame**: To get the faculty quaking in their undergarments, of course! Imagine the scandal if test tube after test tube was full of pee with the protein of a New York strip steak! They'll be sweating like you watching Anna pick up a pencil.
* **Tanukichi**: That doesn't make any sense.
* **Ayame**: Protein in the pee-pee samples would indicate that all of the new boys were jacking off in the shower each morning before coming to school.
* **Tanukichi**: I'm done helping you!
* **Ayame**: Come on! Like those old comedies used to joke about. Guys would say, "jacking it in the shower is the best part of waking up!"
* **Tanukichi**: What kind of movies are you watching?

* **Tanukichi**: *(thinking)* Don't do this, Tanukichi. Stop following her. W...Why am I getting all...tingly? It's like...I know what I'm doing is wrong, but doing it feels...it feels so fantastic!

* **Anna**: We're flushing your dirty talk, Blue Snow!

* **Tanukichi**: *(thinking)* Mommy...!

* **Otome**: Well, well, well. What an amusing thing I just witnessed. *(smirks)*