Strikeless Squid

This article is rated PG, meaning it contains content that may be inappropriate for users the age of 7 and under.

## Strikeless Squid

### Next Episode

"Pre-Game Prep"

"**Strikeless Squid**" is the second episode of Season 1 and the second overall episode of *Bikini Bottom Baseball*.

## Characters

* Squidward Tentacles
* SpongeBob SquarePants
* Eugene H. Krabs
* Patrick Star
* Sandy Cheeks
* Dike Trout (debut)
* Announcer
* Umpire

## Synopsis

Squidward turns out to be a very bad pitcher in practice, so it's up to SpongeBob to show him how to do it properly.

## Transcript

Mr. Krabs: Okay, team. This is our second practice. Get in the batting cages.

SpongeBob: Okay, coach.

Squidward: Meh. [SpongeBob is shocked]

SpongeBob: Squidward! Show some enthusiasm.

Squidward: What the hell kind of enthusiasm should I even possess? I’m only good at hitting. I’m a pitcher, and I suck at it!

SpongeBob Well...um...it can’t be that bad…….

Squidward: Remember yesterday’s scrimmage? [cuts to a flashback where Squidward is pitching badly] I went up against 10 batters, and all of them, I hit with a pitch! 10 pitches, all of them!

SpongeBob: Ouch...well, let’s see you in the cages. [cuts to Squidward in the batting cage with Mr. Krabs pitching to him. All of the pitches he hits, which are extremely hard and fast line drives.] Wow...you might even be #1 in the line-up with that.

Squidward: Oh, really? [gets hit by a pitch as he doesn’t pay attention.] OW!

Mr. Krabs: Oops, sorry, bad pitch.
Squidward: Ugh. [cuts to Squidward out of the batting cage.] So, what do you got.

SpongeBob: I played a non-official game not too long ago. Hit a homer every at bat.

Squidward: Really? Well, let’s see. Krabs, I mean...Coach Krabs….SpongeBob requests to hit on the field.

Mr. Krabs: Fine. [cuts to the field. Krabs is on the mound and SpongeBob is at bat.] Ready, boy?

SpongeBob: Yes. [Krabs throws a rapid fastball down the middle that SpongeBob hits. It’s a dinger that goes a few feet out of the park.]

Squidward: Hell, the ones I hit were like that too. [SpongeBob hits one into the outfield. It bounces out of the park. It’s a ground-rule double.]

Narrator: Lots of Clutch Hitting Later….. [SpongeBob walks into the dugout.]

SpongeBob: Man, that’s just like I was in the game.

Squidward: Cool. Say, I should probably practice my pitching right now. Can you catch for me?

SpongeBob: Well, Patrick’s our catcher, and he sucks, but that being said I play pretty much every position, so…..sure. [SpongeBob is behind the plate with his catcher gear. As Squidward gets ready to pitch a curveball. He pitches it, and SpongeBob looks to the side.] Well, Squidward, you’re curveball is pretty good, except for the fact that it went 20 FEET outside of the zone!

Squidward: Yeah, sorry.

SpongeBob: It’s alright, but if someone was on first, they would probably steal second AND third on that. [cuts to another pitch, which is in the dirt. Another one goes 20 feet above SpongeBob, and another hits the lights behind the field.]

Squidward: Well, how did I do?

SpongeBob: No offense, but...your best pitch was a ball.

Squidward: Oh.

Mr. Krabs: It’s not “oh.” Squidward, I don’t know what’s going on, but you haven’t pitched a single strike in practice, or in the scrimmages. You better improve, or else I’m making you relief pitcher. [walks away to work with the rest of the team.]

Squidward: SpongeBob! Did you hear that? He’s going to take me off the starter pitcher position. You gotta help me!

SpongeBob: I guess I could. I mean, after all, my worst pitch so far was a strike. [thinks] Wait a minute, if Squidward doesn’t start, that means I will pitch! But Squidward is really upset. What should I do?

Squidward: Well?

SpongeBob: [sighs] I’ll do it, but here’s the deal. If I do it, I get to bat in front of you in the lineup.

Squidward: Well...okay. I guess I’m fine with it. [SpongeBob walks over to the other field to see some infield drills.]

Sandy: Hey SpongeBob. What’s going on?

SpongeBob: I was helping Squidward with pitcher stuff.

Sandy: Cool. [goes for ground ball, but when she goes to throw it, she drops it.]

Mr. Krabs: Stay with it, Sandy!

Sandy: Yeah, I know.

SpongeBob: Well, I gotta go help Squid on his first lesson. See ya soon. [cuts to Squidward’s backyard the next day.]

Squidward: Hey.

SpongeBob: Cool, you made a mini baseball diamond?

Squidward: OH COURSE IT IS YOU FRICK- I mean, yeah. Did it in my free time. Now, are you going to teach me how to pitch, or not?

SpongeBob: Okay, okay. [cuts to Squidward and SpongeBob on a mound.] Now, what I’ve noticed is that you’ve been wrapping your tentacle around the whole baseball. What you gotta do is 2-seam, 4-seam.

Squidward: But I have TENTACLES, how to hell am I supposed to do that?

SpongeBob: Oh...I’m not sure. Well how about this. [cuts to a scene of a clip of Fatrick from Life in Bikini Bottom taking a crap.] Oops, sorry, wrong one. [cuts to a scene of SpongeBob in a game when he was 11. It was the last pitch of the championship. He aimed at the catcher’s glove and just threw the ball really hard, which the batter just missed, as the game ended.] Now, see? You just gotta aim at my glove, Squid.

Squidward: Okay. [throws pitch, which hits the glove, but from bouncing into the dirt into the glove.]

SpongeBob: Well, this will take some time.

Narrator: 500 Pitches Later…

Squidward: SpongeBob...it’s been 3 hours….I didn’t hit the glove by itself ONCE.

SpongeBob: Weird. Then how could I do it using the same technique….[thinks] WAIT A MINUTE!

Squidward: What?

SpongeBob: Squid, just pretend you’re pitching the last pitch of Game 7 of the world series. Bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, 2 outs, full count.

Squidward: [sweats and trembles in fear a bit. Looks at glove, and gets into pitching position. Squidward then tries his best and pitches it right down the middle - it hits the glove!] Yes! I got a strike! But how?

SpongeBob: Pressure! On every pitch, Squidward, just feel the pressure on you. It’s not bad pressure, it’s good pressure. Now, go get them next scrimmage tomorrow!

Squidward: I will! [cuts to a scrimmage. The Blue Jays are playing the Anglertown Angels. It’s bottom of the ninth, and Squidward is pitching. The Blue Jays are up 10-6, the Angels have bases loaded, and there are two outs. Squidward pitches the ball, and it’s way outside. Ball one.]

SpongeBob: [playing third base.] Wait, what? [Squidward then throws another one. Hit the grass before it hit the dirt. Ball two. He then gets ready and throws one that Patrick has to jump for. Ball three.] Um, blue? Timeout?

Umpire: Timeout for the Blue Jays. [SpongeBob walks over to Squidward.]

SpongeBob: Squid, what’s going on? We just need three strikes, and we win this scrimmage.

Squidward: We’re up by four runs. No pressure.

SpongeBob: [sighs] Fine, keep telling yourself that.

Umpire: Play ball. [next pitch is actually one that’s right down the middle. However, the batter hits it, and it reaches deep into the outfield. Nat Peterson dives for it, as everyone gasps, but he misses it. The ball goes to the gap between center and right, where Fred goes for it and throws it to the Larry the Lobster, whose playing short. He then throws to Sandals, the third baseman, who tries to tag the guy who hit the ball who slides into third.] Safe at third!

SpongeBob: Ugh…great. 10-9, tying run on third. Timeout again. [walks over to Squidward with Mr. Krabs] Look, Squid, are you pressured now?

Squidward: Eh, we’re winning.

SpongeBob: Well, we might be NOW, but not for long! See that guy! [points to third base] If he scores, which he most likely will, we’ll be tied with them, and they would only need one run to win!

Squidward: Oh….well….

Mr. Krabs: Squidward, me boy, go out there, and give this game one hell of a ending! [walk away as the next batter goes at bat.

Announcer: And here we go, the player with the highest batting average on the Angels at .337, Number 1….Dike Trout!

Squidward: [gulps] Okay, Squiddy, the pressure’s on. Just aim at the glove. [pitches one down the middle which is fouled off, but only about a foot or two from being out of the park. Strike one. He pitches again, which Dike hits the same direction, and it seemed like it was only inches. Strike two.]

SpongeBob: Come on, Squid...just one more…[Squidward inhales and exhales as he looks at Patrick. He pitches the ball, which Dike goes to swing at. However, the ball is seen to be about a millimeter away from the ball, as Dike tips off. The ball seems to be barely fair. Squidward picks up the ball and throws it to SpongeBob. SpongeBob jumps for it, but Dike is already at the base before SpongeBob get down. SpongeBob then sees the guy at third running home. He throws it over to Squidward, which he catches. Squidward then dives and sees that the guy is a few feet away. He dives and extends his tentacle and reaches the runner as he touches home plate.]

Umpire: [does motion] OUT!

Squidward: YES!!!! [the whole team crowds around him]

Announcer: And that will end the scrimmage between the Bikini Bottom Blue Jays and the Anglertown Angels. The Blue Jays beat the Angels 10-9.

SpongeBob: [chanting] Squidward! Squidward! Squidward!

Plankton: What’s the big freaking deal? It was just a scrimmage! [Mr. Krabs buts him on a tee and swings the bat, and hits him out of the park.] I stand corrected... [episode ends]

## Trivia

* Dike Trout is an obvious reference to Mike Trout, a player for the Los Angeles Angels in Major League Baseball.

* Dike plays for the Anglertown Angels, which is an obvious reference to the Angels.
* Dike is mentioned to have a batting average of .337. This is currently Mike Trout's batting average for the 2017 MLB season.