Chapter 3: End of Day 3

Jason is too afraid to look him in the face. He knows that if he stares at him for too long he will get angry, in a way it was his fault. No matter how hard he tries to justify himself, he knows it was a product of his actions that he ended up that way.

Jason's teary eyes stare at Nikolai's red skin, he looks at the peels that are peeling off the skin and have reached to touch one end of the man's lips. Jason can see how Nikolai cries, cries because it hurts, cries because it burns. He can barely speak, he doesn't feel like talking, he doesn't want to.

Nikolai thinks of many things, he thinks of killing. he thinks of fucking, he thinks of blood, he thinks of the smell of blood, he thinks of slitting someone's throat and watching that person struggle, how that person squirms for breath but in the end gives up and stops moving. Nikolai really wants to take the scalpel and slit his neck, he wants to do it but he shouldn't, he can't, he's afraid.

George finishes applying a cream and gives him some medicine to relieve the pain, it doesn't do much good. George throws the blood-stained gauze and the paper scraps with the pieces of skin that came off during the procedure into the trash can.

And then Nikolai's brown eyes connect with Jason's black eyes. The two say nothing to each other, they don't want to say anything to each other. The other civilians in the same room with them don't comment much either.

Stacy complains about her ankle but it's useless that it will make her walk again. Leah tells her not to complain, it's no big deal. Janet crosses glances with Nikolai, both have burned faces and, they don't say anything with words but a lot with looks. Both feel pain, both are marked under different contexts, but they are marked. They cannot look at themselves in the mirror without feeling angry with themselves and with others.

Nikolai gets up from the gurney, approaches Jason and when Jason closes his eyes thinking he will hit him, he feels safe getting a hug. Nikolai didn't care about the other civilians, he didn't care about the cop Greg who walked away unscathed, barely with a few scratches. Nikolai cares about Jason, and Jason cares about Nikolai.

Nikolai wants to kill, he knows it's wrong, but he wants to do it. He thinks about getting out of the shelter and finding people like Dunkins. He wants to skin them, cut them up, mutilate them, he wants to do things to them and if there are people with him to watch it would be all the better. Nikolai wants to shoot something until he runs out of bullets, Nikolai wants to blow things up, he wants to do things, lots of things.

Nikolai is hungry, he is very hungry. If it were up to him he would eat everything in the cafeteria, but he refrained.

Nikolai wants to scream but he can't.

Nikolai wants to kill but he can't.

Nikolai wants to eat but he can't.

Nikolai wants but can't.

Jason invites Nikolai out of the infirmary and they both enter his special room, his special place, his lair. Jason lays out the mattresses, the blankets, even arranges and makes more room. He wants Nikolai to feel comfortable.

They are still in shock, they act on instinct, there is no reason.

Jason has noticed something.

Nikolai's eyes are not the same.

Something has changed in him.

Nikolai has noticed something.

Jason's eyes are not the same.

Something has changed in him.

They want to do things but they can't, it's wrong to do things. They control themselves. They want to scream, scream until their throats hurt, scream until their voices are gone, scream.

Jason lets himself be enveloped once again by Nikolai's endless appetite and lets himself be used.

Jason starts to think and realizes a stark reality.

They had died on the road, maybe a little before.

Maybe they died in a car accident and the forensic services were picking up their bodies.

Or maybe Megan never rescued them and they were eaten by the dead.

In any case he was sure of one thing.

He was dead.

Not explicitly, not literally. Jason was dead, Nikolai was dead, Ashley was dead, Megan was dead, they were all dead in their own way, each and every one of them.

And that...

That was just fine.

They all live their own deaths in their own way, deal with grief. Some mourn, some fuck, some eat, some just rest, some just exist.

Why is it that despite being the living walking among the dead they feel more and more dead?

## SURVIVORS

* Brett Hoshkins
* Byron Fox
* Connor Harrison
* Daisy Heller
* Greg Phillips
* Jamal Johnson
* Janet Brown
* Jeff Bailey
* Kimberly Coleman
* Leah Myers
* Lori Robinson
* Matthew Pockett
* Stacy Clinton
* Tanisha Johnson
* Tanner Gore