202: I Bet You Think This Pneumatic Tube Is About You

## Summary

The party hand in their completed puzzles at the head office of Crumplemeyer's Paper Mill, win the prize of 500 gold and make their appointment with Crumplemeyer himself for the following morning. They then head to the Waterside and the head office of Tomorrow, Today! where Gwen pays her rent. Will tries to find out more about the shady organisation but his attempts are thwarted by their magical protection.

## Synopsis

The party are investigating Dew's screaming book. The book's screams are faint but sound like a cacophony of different voices. They hold it up and look at it from all angles, but it looks totally normal. Gwen says she's not going to help open the book until they help her with her rent. Dew offers his 9 gold, but Gwen politely refuses as it's not close to enough. Raphina tries to pull out the grabby triangle that's half sticking out, but can't. Gwen has her own book which she thought might help decipher the symbols on Dew's book, but taking a closer look she doesn't recognize any of its symbols. Will suggests using the book as bait to draw in Ricardo Ulysses, but Gwen says they can't miss the opportunity to meet Crumplemeyer and they need to be quick to get their completed puzzles back before anyone else. Gwen quizzes Will about his business background and he waxes lyrical about Tivoli and how much better than Bufflin it is.

Gwen impatiently leads the group to the head office of Crumplemeyer's Paper Mill, which is located in Plant B. The lobby is small, cramped and slightly drab. There is someone wearing a voluminous brown cloak already there speaking to the receptionist clutching puzzles. They're just announcing their final puzzle answer when the receptionist accuses them of being one of the employees who helped write the puzzles and as such is not eligible to claim. The receptionist beckons two large security guards who wordlessly pick up the employee and carry him out of the door. Gwen announces to the receptionist that they have answers and he beckons them forwards. He says that Will, Batthwack and Mo all appear to have magical disguises and so they would need to drop it in order to claim, in case there is some kind of fraud being carried out. Will is really unsure, but can't see any alternative so he drops the disguises. Will and Batthwack's crowns are revealed and Mo looks like a lizardfolk again. Will's excuse is that they're visiting royalty and they don't want to remain incognito. The receptionist says everything is in order and Will asks if they can reapply their disguises, but he's told that he may have difficulty casting magic inside Crumplemeyer's Paper Factory. They give their answers to the puzzle and the receptionist announces that they are the first to return all the correct answers and are therefore the winners! One of the security guards comes back into the room carrying a sack, which the receptionist says contains 500 gold. They also make an appointment for the following morning at 7.30am to meet Crumplemeyer. The receptionist says their details have been "recorded" which is of great concern/interest to Will. They're reassured that no personal information has been collected, just their identity so they can be recognised when they return. Gwen collects the money and they go outside.

Will immediately changes his appearance back to the plain brown-suited man and hides Batthwack's crown. Gwen wants to pay her rent before they do anything else and says that the Tomorrow, Today! Office is on the way to the Celestial Confections. Will's intrigued to learn more about Crumplemeyer and find out the story behind Morrow's Inlet and why Tomorrow, Today! appear to have taken over. Gwen says they should split the money. Raphina says she'd loan her portion to Gwen until she gets her money back from Ricardo, but Dew says they should just give her what she needs to pay her rent. Gwen says she can't take it with a clear conscience. Gwen takes the 400 gold she needs to pay her rent and they split the rest. Gwen says she still feels like she owes everyone for this. Will offers the rest of the party a change of appearance, joking *"Anyone else want to look like they have a crown?"* Gwen replies *"Been there, done that, thank you!"* and Will finds this extremely intriguing. He starts to needle Batthwack by saying *"I am inclined to think that she has a secret because Yarjerit does too."* Batthwack doesn't react, but just makes another scratch on the back of his shield.

The party head towards Waterside, reaching the gate. Batthwack asks if they remember them from earlier when they were let through without being charged and the guard says he doesn't. Batthwack, Mo and everyone pays their 5 gold, but as they do so Will casts *Mage hand*, trips up a passer-by and during the commotion is able to reach down into the guard's money pouch while he's distracted. However during this very slick act he accidentally manages to unhook the entire pouch without the guard noticing and continues on his way through the gate.

The party stop off at the Tomorrow, Today! office and Gwen goes in to pay her rent. She writes her name, her business and the rent amount on a special deposit slip and places it in a slot, which is whisked away in one of those pneumatic tubes. Raphina suggests asking Crumplemeyer if he can tell who stole Gwen's money.

Will is very intrigued by the Tomorrow, Today! enterprise. He goes up to the counter in his guise plain-looking, brown-suited man and starts a conversation with an employee named Maggie under the pretense that he's looking to invest in real estate. He's trying to find out who owns/runs the company, but Maggie isn't forthcoming with that information and only wants him to schedule an appointment with one of their real estate specialists. He gives up and goes to look for pamphlets that might contain more useful information but is intercepted by Raphina who asks him what he found out. Not wanting to give away his disguise Will pretends not to know Raphina and tells Maggie that there's another person here wanting the same information. Maggie keeps insisting they book an appointment and explains that slots are filling up fast. This she demonstrates by holding up the magic paper they use to keep track of their bookings

In the meantime, Batthwack slips out of the office heading for a nearby Tavern to make inquiries of his own.

Raphina quizzes Maggie about Strahd and gelatinous cubes, neither of whom she has heard of (though she does know from stories what vampires are). Both Raphina and Will can tell that Maggie is an extremely well-trained employee who's job is to be the face of the company, and will follow the official company line incredibly well. Will casts *Charm Person* on Maggie, but it is automatically counter-spelled. Maggie's demeanor changes and she calmly asks them to leave. Will makes his excuses *"I'm very sorry. I like to sell spells and that was one of them. But I guess you don't like them so goodbye! I won't be opening my store in this town. It's nice to meet you Maggie, goodbye!"* and leaves. Everyone else waits a while before leaving so they can clearly disassociate themselves from Will.

The party find themselves in the large square outside the Tomorrow, Today! office, where absolutely nothing interesting is happening.

## Trivia

* First episode in which Greg doesn't take part and Dew is played by Eric.
* The episode title quotes Abby, who was paraphrasing the famous Carly Simon song *You're So Vain*. She was reacting to Eric saying that she'll hear the podcast in 6 month's time and find out about non-existence of the pneumatic tube, but so much time will have passed that she won't realise it's about her.

## References

1. ↑ Listener, this is the bit of the wiki that Abby can't read... So this note is for everybody else: it's not actually a pneumatic tube.
2. ↑ Will eventually introduces himself as Mr Brownman
3. ↑ Listener, the magic paper apparently updates in real-time!
4. ↑ Listener they all rolled very poorly on their perceptions rolls, so it's more like they did't notice anything interesting happening.