How to get a goth GF w/ a Dump Truck on Tinder

## Overview

"How to get a goth GF w/ a Dump Truck on Tinder" is the 21st episode of the Hippo Saga.

Jiko is distraught after her senpai leaves her. Now living in Tahu's abode, Astolfo tries to help Jiko meet some one by signing her onto a dating app. Tahu tries to get on the action hoping he can use the same dating app to find some one, hoping to land a Big Tiddy Goth GF.

## Original Video Description

Astolfo shows you the joys of dating apps, while you break down the mathematical probability of getting a goth Gf.

#anime #dating #animation

Support the vids: https://www.patreon.com/pantsahat

Astolfo va: https://twitter.com/CrySpy27

## Characters

#### Main characters:

* Hippo
* Jiko
* Astolfo
* Tahu
* Turskit (First appearance)
* Anime Guy (Mentioned)

## Transcript

Astolfo: Hello gamers! How's it hanging?

Jiko: [**Loud Crying**]

Astolfo: Dang... who honey nutted in your cheerios?

Tahu: Boy, she just copin' hard cause her boyfriend- [**SIP**] -dumped her like yesterday's trash.

Astolfo: Oh… Don’t worry! You’ll find your special someone!

Tahu: Unlikely! I’ve done the math, and the number of Goth Girls in our area with fat dump trucks isn’t high enough to meet demand! I reckon’ there’s a one to seven billion ratio. Might as well not even try!

Jiko: Get off my back! I don’t need your advice and… what makes you think I want a Goth GF with a fat dump truck!?!

Tahu: I just figured you had *taste*.

Jiko: My senpai was perfect! He never asked anything of me! Not even who I was or why I was in his backyard with binoculars-

Astolfo: Hmmm… Sounds like a toxic relationship.

Tahu: Didn’t you move in with me because your ex *burned your house down*?

Astolfo: That was just a misguided romantic gesture!

Jiko: How bout' you? I don’t see a Ms. Bionicle anywhere!

Tahu: Yano, it’s hard to find somebody who understands me better than my probation officer!

Astolfo: Why not just date her?

Tahu: I’m not on probation anymore! But yano? I GUESS I COULD CHANGE THAT! TIME TO HIT UP A WAFFLE HOUSE!

Hippo: Bruh, maybe you should try hittin’ up some girl’s DM’s. Maybe you won’t get DUMPED this time.

Tahu: I’ll dump YOU in a river.

Astolfo: Well since we are all since, I know what we can do!

Tahu: Three way?

Astolfo: Noo~! We should all sign up for a dating app!

Tahu: I’ll pass

Jiko: Aren’t those dating apps for desperate lonely people?

Astolfo: Yeah! You’ll fit right in!

Jiko: Oh no! You’re right! Fine, I’ll sign up.

Astolfo: Perfect! Say cheese!

Jiko: AH~!

Astolfo: It looks good!

Jiko: Delete that!

Hippo: Bruh, can you DM me that pic?

Jiko: Wait! Are guys really into this kinda stuff?

Hippo: Bruh, you’ll get an army of simps easy.

Astolfo: You need to take pics like this. How else will people know you’re fun and quirky and not like the other girls? Before they swipe… *left*.

Jiko: I guess that makes sense..

Astolfo: Great! Now take off your clothes!

Jiko: WHAT? Are we signing up for a dating app or only fans?!

Astolfo: Mmmm, It’ll be more like you’re being signed up for eBay. Now what do I put for your name?

Jiko: You don’t know my name!?

Astolfo: We’ll skip that one. Now, what condition are you in?

Jiko: Whachu mean!?

Astolfo: Never mind. I’ll just put "used".

Jiko: I’m at least like "new"!

Astolfo: Okay, And your gender is… Holy moly, that’s a lot of options!

Tahu: Boy, is one of the options… **BIONICLE!?!**

Astolfo: Oh, they don’t have that one.

Tahu: That’s how it always is! These companies like to act all inclusive. But at the end of the day, I’m still left out! What does the B in “BLT+” stand for at this point!?

Astolfo: Bacon?

Tahu: **BIGOTS!**

Jiko: Why haven’t I got any likes yet?

Astolfo: It just takes time.

Jiko: No! Do people not like me!? Oh no! I’m gonna be forever alone with these idiots! Maybe it’s my pictures! I’m ugly, I knew it. Will posting lewd help!?

Tahu: It’ll help *ME*.

Jiko: Oh boy! A message! My self worth is restored! … What the frig is this!?!?

Astolfo: Yeah, that’s gonna be like, 90% of the messages you get.

Jiko: He’s PERFECT!

Astolfo: What?

Jiko: That’s guys! I’m gonna go meet them right now!

Tahu: … What? It’s really that easy to find some one? Lemme see this thing.

Tahu: I didn’t even wanna be on that stupid app anyway! You know, love isn’t even canon! That’s it! I’m done with women *forever!*

Astolfo: You know,  if you date guys and girls, you can double the amount of people you get *reject by!*

Tahu: Yano, there’s a time and place to kick me in the ball joints, and this isn’t it!

Turskit: Sup, home slice? Your door was barely locked, so I just came in. Almost didn't fit with how f#%@ing- uh- ridiculously thicc I am. My name is Turskit. [**Giggle**]

Astolfo: ... Do I know you?

Turskit: I'm just your typical dommy mommy goth girl- [**Giggle**] who loves video games and not being annoying.

Astolfo: Well, nice to meet-

Tahu: YOU'RE PERFECT! Yo babe, are you single?

Turskit: No. Actually I'm on the way to red lobster with my BOOOOOOY FFFFFFRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIEND-DAH.

Tahu: WHAT? WHO!?

Pantshat: With me, bruh.

Tahu: How did you get a goth girlfriend? I-It's not supposed to be possible mathematically! There's not enough goth girls!

Hippo: Bruh, stop thinkin' that a goth girlfriend is just gonna walk into your life one day. That's not how it works, bruh. You gotta get out there and hustle

Tahu: I don’t need this kind of negativity in my life!

Jiko: Hey guys! I’m back from my date! It went GREAT!

Tahu: SHUT UP! No one asked you!

## Post Credits/Out Take

Jiko: All I have in this world is my balls and my word! And I don’t break em’ for no one!

## Trivia

* The suggestive photo of Jiko's face that Astolfo takes for Jiko's online dating profile is a reference to the Ahegao meme. This photo has since framed and can seen in the background of subsequent episodes.
* This is the first episode to take place in Tahu's home, as Astolfo reveals through dialogue that Master Chief burned down his (and by extent Hippo's) house (likely after the events of the previous episode).
* On that note, it looks like Anime Guy already left Jiko (which isn't surprising, as she blew up his house in one episode and then she stuffed him inside of a freezer and froze him in the following episode) which explains why she's distraught.
* When Jiko is crying at the start of the video, we see a photo of Yandere Girl with cat ears on the left of the frame and a photo of Anime Guy on the right of the frame. Lego Yandere is a character who has a lot in common with Jiko, as they are both unhinged brunettes who stalked/had an unhealthy obsession with Anime Guy. It's likely the placement of these pictures was not a coincidence and could be hinting at something.
* The user who DM's Tahu calling out his fake timbs has the screen name "Boi Bussy😈"

## References

1. ↑ https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/subcultures/ahegao