Raymondo

Raymondo in 2020

**Raymondo** was a professional wrestler signed to CWL. He was a part of CWL between 2017 and 2021.

## Early Life

### Texas and Guatemala

Raymondo’s early life is largely undocumented, but it is known that he displayed a propensity for excessive violence at a young age, being thrown out of his pre-school in San Antonio, Texas for hospitalising several members of staff with his mastery of the “Chop” manoeuvre. Raymondo kept a memento of the occasion through vandalising the school display by etching the word “WOOOOOOOOOOOOO” into the display, which to this day is still prominent.

Raymondo knew neither of his parents, having lost both of them in suspicious circumstances, which to this day remain unsolved. Police were baffled by the way in which the attacker had sliced through both chests in one quick motion, as well as the eyewitness reports of the neighbourhood compulsively yelling “WOOOOO” in unison.

Raymondo coped with the loss through channelling his love of violence into business, he would offer the choice of taking over company premises or them facing the wrath of his “Mongolian Chop.” Naturally this style of business would later impress WWE owner Vince McMahon, so much so that he imitated such a hostile takeover in such a fashion that he would conquer the professional wrestling landscape, as well as scripted sports such as American Football.

At the age of 12, Raymondo had achieved everything he could in the state of Texas, and set his sights on the Capital of the country, aiming to Chop his way into government, and from there set the wheels in motion for his hostile takeover of the globe. Unfortunately, he had Chopped every map, geographer and Grannie in a 100-mile radius, and found himself wandering across town and beyond into the Country of Guatemala.

### Orphanage and Derek

Unaware of his mistake, Raymondo’s plans were halted by the significant language barrier presented by the local people, who could not differentiate his demands from the pleas of a twelve-year-old orphan, and instead of relinquishing the centre of governance, placed him in the care of the nearest Orphanage. This failed putsch is the only documented failure in the lifespan of Raymondo, and he never forgave the people of Guatemala for their impudence, vowing revenge at the next opportunity.

The Guatemalan orphanage managed to placate Raymondo, his demands falling on unaware ears, and thus having no effect. Instead of the keys to the kingdom, Raymondo was receiving second helpings of custard and hummus, and the kindness of the Guatemalan people led to him spending five peaceful years there. Raymondo passed the time through dissecting frogs using his fist, as well as attending Lucha Libre events in the local area thanks to the invitation of orphanage owner El Generico. It is here in which his imagination was finally able to blossom, and through the struggles of these gladiators that Raymondo was able to perceive others as sentient beings as opposed to puppets for his amusement.

It was at this time that Raymondo noticed a Purple Gorilla who wore a gas mask during his meals at the orphanage. Derek the Golden Dinosaur was born to the Smith family; whom tragedy befell during the great Gassisus Clay eruption, which claimed the lives of his Mother, Father, other Mother, and other Father. The gases of the Clay pit left Derek with the unique ability to taste air, and he became a true connoisseur of the air he breathed, electing to wear a gas mask in order to ensure only the highest quality molecules entered his lungs.

Despite his tragic childhood, Derek had high hopes for his adult life, in which he would become an air salesman. However, the people of Guatemala were sceptical of the Purple Gorilla offering them air in a briefcase, and his business was in debt before it had made a sale. Derek was 30 by the time Raymondo had entered the orphanage, having never been able to dig himself out of the debt from this business venture. He always kept his business attire (or “Battire”) in his wardrobe, just in case the right occasion arose to return to the air business.

Raymondo sensed a kindred spirit in the Professional Dinosaur, and over time regained his ability to chop in order to ensure that no other child was alive to inhibit his approach towards the only possible friend he would ever have had at this stage in his life. At first, Derek was unsure of the red-headed American, but Raymondo won his trust by inhaling some of the air in the prison and expressing disgust. The language barrier had no impact on the quality of friendship forged that day, as Raymondo and Derek already had enough in common to ensure that they had a near telepathic understanding of each other and never needed to talk to one another during their lifetimes.

The pair visited Lucha events, witnessing many talented performers make a good Lucha. Both of them knew their destiny would be inside those ropes, simply due to their propensity for violence, but before they could embark on this venture, the pair of them felt wronged by past events, and needed to avenge the traumas of the past.

### First Coup of Guatemala and 'The Event'

To do this, a plan was created in which a takeover of Guatemala would facilitate the teaching of English in the country, and the collectivisation of high quality air on an industrial scale. Utilising Derek’s natural ability to use Spanish words, the pair of them persuaded the President of the country to give them the constitutional power to overthrow him and butcher millions of frogs without consequence.

With the frogs neutralised, plans were put in place for an English language curriculum, but more significant were the plans to install an air purifier on the site of the Orphanage. Derek handled the project with the utmost responsibility, even wearing his Battire whilst driving the bulldozer required to destroy the orphanage.

The first sign of instability was demonstrated during the first pass with the bulldozer. Derek was driving towards the Orphanage at the speed of 10 miles per hour, but seconds away from impact, there was a flash of rainbow-coloured light, and the sound of Palermo music radiated for miles around. When the light vanished, Derek had disappeared with it.

The bulldozer continued on and collided with the orphanage, tearing away at the corner of the building. Little is confirmed about the following events, although eyewitnesses described a fireball as the bulldozer destroyed the heating system of the orphanage, as well as there being the body of a masked luchador pulled from the wreckage. El Generico would retire from professional wrestling to tend to the repair work, but unconfirmed sources state that he was later killed by a local cartel.

### Transition into Professional Wrestling

Raymondo was shocked by the events, and was wracked with guilt at the realisation that he had harmed his mentor, and also came to fear the Guatemalan people now he did not have Derek translating on his behalf. He considered the coup a success, but took the decision to flee the country in order to maintain a low profile whilst developing his love for violence through the combat sport of professional wrestling.

## Early Career

Raymondo only knew one wrestling organisation which was the WWF (now WWE), and he hitch-hiked to New York (not himself knowing the route). This trip to New York inspired Mick Foley’s story of hitch hiking to see Jimmy Snuka in his fictional book “Have a Nice Day”, but the two wouldn’t cross paths until later in their respective careers. Initially, Raymondo felt that introducing “fake” elements such as thumb tacks, fire, and 30 feet falls through tables were going to make people believe that the sport was scripted, but after seeing the convincing fake blood in person, he revised his opinion.

Raymondo first met Vince McMahon at a local Mexican restaurant, where Vince was eating a steak wrap, and Raymondo was able to impress him through his knowledge of Mexico, as well as his video package demonstrating the first ever 40 rotation hurracanrana.

Vince was intrigued enough to offer the red-haired man a contract, which was accepted on the condition that Vince sought out his friend Derek. Vince was amused by the demand, considering the fact that his main event star had body slammed Andre the Giant at the most recent Wrestlemania at the Silverdome, and appeared to match Raymondo’s description almost exactly.

### Derek's return

On entering the locker room, he was met by the unmistakable sight of a gorilla wearing a gas mask and seven WWF titles. Upon this reunion, it was surmised that Derek had somehow gone quantum, and time travelled to New York in the 1890s, but was unable to control the time travelling events. Upon learning how to wrestle through the tuition of Bobby Albright senior, the two became legends of the tag team division, holding the WWWF titles for 7 years.

When Derek had quantumed into the 1980s, Vince hurriedly booked Derek into every title match to capitalise on the short-term attraction he presented. Derek won each match using unique moves such as the moonstomp from the top rope. With his friend back in the picture, the pair competed to capture the only titles remaining as a tag team.

## CWL Career

> "If you will excuse Raymondo, he is going to stretch and prepare for his WRESTLING match while you kids choose your favourite toy from your little basket to pop under the ring." - Raymondo, 2017
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### First Rivalries and Raymondonian Crisis

Raymondo surprised everyone but himself when he seized victory in the Week 1 battle royal, and it only served to bolster his ego. A recent altercation with Blaze however did seem to have had a significant impact on Raymondo's mental state, until it became apparent Raymondo regarded a defaced photo as sacrilegious. Raymondo would go on to retire Blaze in their match at X-Post, claiming to have "extinguished the Blaze". Raymondo has also claimed custody of the newly formed Raymondia, which is the former state of Guatemala.

Raymondo teamed with Derek as part of their Chess Club, reigniting the fire they once had teaming up against the villainous Checkers Crew a few years prior in another wrestling promotion. They face numerous tag teams and were a consistent entity in the division to this day.

In 2017, Raymondo has been embroiled in a dangerous rivalry with Classy Von Cody, which saw him lose custody of his beloved Derek and the nation of Raymondonia. The loss of these two things led to Raymondo living in a Vindication locker, and then appearing to die in a quantum motorcycle crash. In this time, Raymondo went into a spell of listless steering which could be called a midlife crisis, were it not for Raymondo's unfounded claims of immortality.

### Return (2018-2019)

   After months of semi-active wrestling, Raymondo returned to Raymondonia and the state of mind needed to become a Web Master Big Ham. Having remembered that he aquired the nation of Guatemala by asking the monarchy very politely, he realised he could reclaim it with minimal effort. He set up a mobile UN embassy in a Denny's car park despite repeated arrests from the New York Police Department. It was in one of these stints in jail that he met his new nemesis, Chris Princess. After a night involving Harris in a penguin balloon, Princess surviving multiple car incidents and a fake Derek (or ferek), the two prepared for battle at CWL's Midsummer Mayhem. Ultimately Raymondo lost the battle, but Raymondonia still stands.

Raymondo had a brief rivalry with Doctor Wrestling Jr, who wanted to establish medical care in the long war-torn country of Raymondonia. Raymondo mistrusted the Doctor, and prepared for invasion following a bout in which the rights to provide medical care in the country were on the line. Raymondo lost the battle, much to the relief and joy of his citizens, who were able to receive medical care for the first time since Raymondo took over the country and diverted all medical resources to his frog dissection project.

### Derek in distress (2020)

Raymondo's year began very uneventfully with some tag team action as part of the Chess Club. Things escalated dramatically when he took exception to newcomer Matthew Ramirez's claims to being the best dressed in CWL, as well as the perceived arrogance he saw in crossover star Jake Eagle. Raymondo had a war of words with both parties, before being challenged by Ramirez to CWL's first ever Pose Off™. Raymondo showed some quality poses, including a gluteous maximus stretch, which impressed the judges tremendously. However, the ending was mired with controversy as while Raymondo posed, Ramirez took the opportunity to deliver a devastating low blow, before blasting host Alexander Shaw with a strike to the face.

The following week, Matthew Ramirez challenged Raymondo to a Fashion Show Match.™ Alex Shaw once again took the role of host, but delegated the judging duties to Raymondo's faithful companion Derek to avoid reprisals from Matthew Ramirez. The contest ran smoothly on this occasion, with Raymondo showing his new attire for the next year, and both competitors showing animals from their backgrounds in the form of the Raymondonian Rhinoceratops, and the Super Puma. The judging descended into chaos as Derek predictably selected Raymondo as the winner of the fashion show, sending Ramirez into a rage. Ramirez shot a laser from his costume, and incinerated Derek where he stood. Raymondo entered into his match with Ramirez at Endgame with the vow to avenge his friend Derek.

The bout at Endgame was notable for several reasons. The first of which was it being billed as a Kaiju Battle due to the severity of the feud, and the fact that both competitors arrived in their respective animal costumes. The action was very even, with Ramirez gaining the upper hand until the lights dimmed in the Rio arena, and a new Derek was stood in the ring. After some teleportation and back and forth battling, Raymondo sent himself and Ramirez through the ropes into a portal which Derek had set up.

Not much is known about what took place in the portals, although CWL now has unearthed footage of Raymondo and Ramirez fighting at the first Endgame in a Dark match which is thought to have never taken place due to Ramirez being new to the company, but the tape has indeed been verified and this appears to have been one of the quantum destinations Derek sent the fight to. It appears that following a tremendous fall from a ladder, Raymondo and Ramirez landed back in Endgame 3 moments after having left. Ramirez appeared the least fatigued of the two, and after a swift kick south of the continent, Ramirez hit his final manouvre and secured his first Endgame victory.

Raymondo returned to Raymondonia bruised, battered, but with a Derek and his honour intact. The people of Raymondonia flocked to Derek and carried him away, leaving Raymondo to tend to his wounds alone. Using the vulnerable state of Raymondo, CWL's new signing Alex Clark hijacked Raymondonian State television to air demands, using Derek as leverage. Raymondo tasked his elite security task force to locate Clark, only to find small children aren't as good at hide and seek as he hoped, and the effort proved fruitless. Raymondo then received some of Derek's fur from Clark which showed intent to harm Derek. With no alternative, Raymondo hired a carpenter to assemble a billboard praising Clark as per the demands.

The transfer of Derek proved to be a ruse, as the box shipping Derek turned out to be a trap laid by Alex Clark, who was behind the curtain and attacked Raymondo. It transpired that Derek had just been on holiday, and not informed Raymondo, whilst Clark was able to exploit this uncertainty to play mind games on the President of Raymondonia. Raymondo has vowed to never allow Raymondonia to be victim to such espionage again, and has re-established Derek as head of security.

This decision has led to mixed results, as Derek immediately used up his annual leave to take another holiday, leaving Raymondonia vulnerable once again. After a confrontation at a Texas restaurant, Raymondo learned via a manipulated television that Alex Clark had bugged his hotel room, and was teaching his orphan army their dark secret - that Raymondo had lied to them about their parents in order to convince them to work for his security service.

Raymondo immediately walked and hitchhiked all the way home to Raymondonia, fighting Alex Clark again before his shift at Pizza Crap. In an exhausted state, Raymondo slept in his palace bed, unaware that the orphans and locals had removed his palace in disgust at his orphanage deception. Raymondo now turns his eyes to CWL competition in the midst of this turmoil in order to exact revenge on Alex Clark and those Raymononians who he feels betrayed him at his weakest hour.

## Notable Achievements

* Winner of CWL's first battle Royal.
* President of the very democratic nation of Raymondonia.
* Killed Blaze.
* 7-Year WWWF tag team championship reign (With Derek).
* Butchered several million frogs.
* Evaded UN inspection for 4 years running.

## Moves

### Finishers

* **Pork Fat Express** | Fallaway Package Powerbomb
* **Brainbuster** | Brainbuster

### Signatures

* Fisherman's Suplex
* Fujiwara Armbar