248: I'm Bloodhorn Leghorn and I'm a Sheep

## Summary

Raphina approaches an extremely paranoid elf lady preaching on the street about the missing Aeonian Anglerfish, noting that she seems to have something of a split personality. She refuses to speak in public, so they agree to meet her at a secret location that evening, and as she leaves they notice her clothing magically change into a tunic bearing a waterfall emblem. Batthwack then suggests they make their way to Tinkertown, and on their way there the group reaches the banks of the much-reduced river as it runs through the city.

## Synopsis

Realising that someone is addressing her, the crazy shouty elf lady looks round and spots Raphina, who asks her to tell them more about the missing Anglerfish. *"We are curious about its whereabouts"* she says. *"Who's we? Who's we?"* says the elf, looking around suspiciously. Raphina indicates where her friends should be, only to discover they appear to have scattered themselves around the market. The elf says she has friends around too. When Raphina says they're aware that the Anglerfish has gone missing, the elf excitedly gets down from her box and scurries over. She says *"It's not in the lake!"* and when Raphina asks if the Anglerfish disappeared when the dam was constructed, she says *"The dam has been here... No! No! There's no dam! No! No! The Anglerfish. It's... It's gone. It's only just recently. You could feel... you could feel its presence. You could feel its... its soothing, its knowledge, its wisdom flowing through you, but it's not there anymore!"*

The elf says they should talk, but not here. She tells her to collect her friends. Raphina asks if she's spoken to the Desert Mothers, but the elf replies *"Don't talk to them. They're in on it. No! The Desert Mothers, they're good. They're in charge, they know what's... No! Don't trust the Desert Mothers."* Raphina is concerned about this apparent duality in the elf's personality. She says she'll go and find her friends and the elf tells her to be surreptitious about it.

Raphina looks around for everyone and just at that moment, Batthwack and Gwen emerge from an alleyway. She notes that Batthwack is slightly bleeding. She also sees Will making his way towards them, shoulders hunched as he attempts to avoid contact with any members of the public, and Sheemie is following behind him.

Raphina gathers them all together and relays what the elf lady told her about the Anglerfish, and about the arguments she was having with herself, describing it as *"a little wormhole-y."* Gwen says she's feeling a little like that too, reminding them of the weird way that she's never heard of Tivoli, and yet, she also feels like she knows about it. She also cites the fact that she used to think it was normal when it snowed in summer and now it seems weird. Will reminds them of Harry, who they met in Norton. He'd talked to Dew and described a dichotomy within his mind whereby he remembered gnomes, but simultaneously had never heard of them. Sheemie says he has no idea what a gnome is.

As they're talking, a halfling dressed in formal robes pushes their way among the group and offers them all flyers while shouting *"Learn the truth! Learn the truth!"* Batthwack and Raphina take one. Will swats the halfling away, who doesn't appear to notice as they move off through the crowd, continuing to shout the same phrase over and over.

The title on this pamphlet reads *"There are no dragons in Beartoggle!"* It then goes on to say *"Dragons are long extinct in Six Rivers, as mythical as unicorns or sheep. To learn more about how to stop this spread of information, pay a visit to the Grand Tabernacle of Bahamut, located in the Temple District."* Below this in small letters it then reads *"To the left of the House of Zol Berdia."*

Raphina's familiar with the Grand Tabernacle, but didn't know there was a House of Zol Berdia. Gwen says she's heard of Bahamut, but not Zol Berdia. Will is naturally offended that someone could claim to have heard of Tivoli, but not know about its patron deity. Sheemie backs him up, but he also clearly has no idea. Gwen tries to deflect by wondering out loud how much Will is paying Sheemie to side with him. Gwen says they need to visit the Grand Tabernacle, because for one thing, she knows that unicorns are most certainly not mythical. Will points out that claiming sheep don't exist is probably even stranger. Sheemie says he doesn't know what they are either. The mention of sheep reminds Raphina of their encounter with Sangzor (aka Bloodhorn, aka Bloodhorn Leghorn), the giant goat.

Sheemie points out that they've definitely seen a dragon too. He asks what Bahamut is, saying they didn't have a check like that in Morrow's Inlet. Batthwack explains that Bahamut is a dragon, and shows them the front of his shield which is emblazoned with an image of the same. Will says he'd rather do something fun in town, than go sit in a church.

Raphina insists they go and speak with the elf lady and takes the group over to her. She introduces her to all of them, and asks her what her name is. The elf lady says *"I don't know if we should talk about it here."* Her eyes darting from face to face, she asks who they all are and Raphina gives her false name, Annie Parr. Gwen is careful to introduce herself using her real name, but the rest of the group do their best to come up with false names on the spur of the moment.

The elf lady begins to back away, suddenly feeling unsure of the party. Raphina apologises and assures her that they're here to help. The elf says they shouldn't talk here, *"there's too many eyes, too many ears, too many noses."* She has an idea where to meet, and gestures for them all to get closer. Batthwack tells Will to speak to her telepathically, and after a brief warning, he sends her a *Message* asking where she wants to meet. The elf yelps and whispers urgently *"No. They listen there. You can't talk like that. Don't ever talk like that. They know.* It *knows."* Will, either not caring, or not believing (or both), raises his head to the heavens and internally issues a "Fuck you" to the universe.

The elf asks if any of them are from Beartoggle. Raphina is careful to only say that she knows the city. The elf leans in, looks Raphina directly in the eye and says, *"I've got a BRO, who gives ME, LE-ADS on safe places to meet,"* stressing certain words in a strange way that's suggests some hidden meaning. Raphina says *"Okay, okay. I gotcha. I read ya loud and clear. See you there."* *"9.30, tonight!"* replies the elf, before loudly shouting her goodbyes and running away.

As the elf disappears into the crowd, everyone except Will notices her briefly flicker, almost as if vanishing from reality for a fraction of a second. When she reappears her appearance had changed; she's wearing a white tunic-like garment with a familiar waterfall design on the back of it. She then ducks around a corner and is gone.

*"Did everyone see that?"* gasps Raphina. They describe to Will what happened. Batthwack shows everyone his waterfall chain, pointing out the similarity. Gwen asks if that's something to do with Batthwack's clan, but he says it isn't. Will reminds them that Dew had carried the same symbol and had said it was the symbol of Eldath, and Batthwack recalls another time it was found stamped on Roger's pottery.

Sheemie asks where they're going to meet the elf lady. He didn't understand why she was speaking funny. Will says he thinks he picked up on it. Raphina tells them to shush; she'll explain later. It's the early afternoon and they're not due to meet her until 9.30, so they wonder what they should do to fill the time. Batthwack asks how far it is to Tinkertown. Raphina says it isn't far, just the other side of the river. This reminds her, *"The river is not there anymore because of the STUPID DAM!"* These last two words are spat out with such anger and frustration that Batthwack looks around nervously, wondering if anyone might make a connection between such resentment towards the dam, and the infamous "Beartoggle Butcher". Fortunately, no-one appears to take much notice.

Before they head off, Raphina says she wishes she had some of the bull frog sac shoes they were selling at the stall they passed. Will suddenly remembers the pair her bought for her and gives them to Raphina, saying *"They're disgusting. You put your mouth on this hole and they're made of bullfrogs, but they make the bullfrog sound, and I even tested them out."* Gwen nudges Will and smiles. Raphina can barely contain herself and begins puffing enthusiastically into the tube. Will warns her not to overinflate them, so she lets some of the air out, which is accompanied by a high-pitched, wheezing, flatulent sound that seems to go on forever. Eventually done, she puts them on, jumping up and down excitedly, making croaking sounds.

They head off, following Raphina who is going significantly faster than normal, thanks to the new shoes. Batthwack is struggling to keep up. As they make progress through the streets, it is all feeling much more familiar to Raphina. Despite the size of the city, she can't help but wonder if she might bump into one of her neighbours. She doesn't recognise any specific people, though the general appearance and clothes of the city folk are all just as she remembers. They do see some ibish among the crowds, which is something different, since none of them had ever seen that race until after they left Barovia. Gwen keeps an eye out for guards or anyone suspicious as they move through the city. Her, Batthwack and Will note that the buildings are constructed in a slightly smaller scale than they are used to, presumably on account of the large population of halflings.

After a little while, they emerge from the streets and arrive at the river. It is a pitiful sight indeed for Raphina. The grand majestic river that she spent such a lot of her time rafting across, is now very meagre in comparison. There's still a sizeable river flowing through here, but it's that much smaller that she feels as though she could just step right across. Disconcertingly, the buildings immediately on the riverside are also unfamiliar to her, apparently having been built to fill in the gap left by the reduced flow of water.

Raphina hops down a nearby staircase into the constructed stone channel that the river runs through, takes one of her shoes off and dips her toe into the water. *"Rainbow Trout... I hope you can sense... my toe. Rainbow Trout. We're trying. We're trying."* She looks upstream, in the direction the Trout would be, only for her gaze to be met by the great hulking mass of the dam. Dejectedly she makes her way back up the bank to the path. Sheemie asks her what's wrong and Raphina explains how the dam is blocking her sense of being connected to the water.

Looking around, Will says that Tinkertown seems cool. *"It has all sorts of merchants and craftsmen and tinkers"* explains Raphina. Gwen mentions that there are some shady merchants here too and reminds them of the herb seller back at the Scarlet Market, which piques Will's interest. He asks why she's bringing them up. Batthwack jumps in to explain what happened, that the sage he'd been sold wasn't what it appeared to be. Gwen says the herb seller ran away and she told him not to come back. With a wry smile, Will says *"Raphina, where did you take us? Some kind of place where there are thieves and untrustworthy people around every corner? I'm sold, let's go!"*

Batthwack says that he was hoping they might find a Blinksy type in Tinkertown, an artisan of machines who might be able to take a look at the two lifeless automatons he's been carrying around in his pack for some time. Raphina says there certainly used to be wonderful toy shops in Tinkertown, though nothing quite like Blinsky. However, everything's so different that she's not feeling so certain about anything any more.

Gwen asks if there are any salons. Hearing this, Will also perks up. Raphina says that in Highground she knows of a place called *Follicle Miracle*. The newly hirsute Gwen says she is concerned about "split ends", though she doesn't seem to know for certain what they are. Will hopes they might sell products that could be used the next time they're stranded out in the woods. Gwen awkwardly points out that Will actually has some "white stuff" on his shoulders. He instinctively brushes his shoulder off, discovering that it's actually a glob of cheese, and immediately freaks out, *Prestidigitating* it off without hesitation.

Sheemie asks Raphina if the city is all different to her, and she says that this whole area around the river is very different. She says that the river was always very shallow, so it's not even as though all this new stuff could have been hiding under the river before it got dammed. Gwen reminds them that the hotel was said to have been there for 30-40 years, and Raphina's only been out of town for a month or so. Raphina says she'd like to get this all sorted out with the Desert Mothers, but is feeling a little disconcerted that the elf lady suggested during *"one of those flip flop moments"* that they might no longer be a force for good.

## Trivia

* The episode title is a quote from Alex/Batthwack. The group are giving fake names to the elf lady. Abby/Raphina: *"My name is Annie Parr."* KT/Will: *"I'm Andy, that's Randy and that's Dandy Parr. We're the Parr siblings."* Denise/Gwen: *"Actually, my name is Gwen."* KT/Will: *"But she goes by Dandy Parr. Please don't offend her."* Alex/Batthwack: *"I'm Bloodhorn Leghorn and I'm a sheep!"* (a callback to an earlier conversation about the giant goat Sangzor, who Abby misremembered as a sheep!)
* This week's episode description describes the Pork Fried Dice wiki as: aromatic.

## References

1. ↑ See episode 111: Who Do You Think I Am, Mr. Peanut?!
2. ↑ **Spoiler if you want to work this out for yourself...** If you take the stressed syllables out you get BRO + ME + LE-ADS, which makes Bromeliads, the family of plants to which the pineapple belongs. The elf must be suggesting they meet at the Pineapple War Memorial in Green Grove!
3. ↑ Captain Clockface and the Ricardo Ulysses construct