S4E08: "Betrayal at House on the Hill"

## Navigation

**"Betrayal at House on the Hill"** is the 8th episode in the fourth season of the series *Beer and Board Games*. The episode originally aired on March 13, 2014. The guests were Mike Eserkaln and Tony Mayer. The beer wench was Adam "Feuhorbe" Koralik.

## Notes

* The beer featured in this episode was Sprecher Pipers Scotch-Style Ale. Aaron states that "No Scotch ales are ever bad. You can't have a bad Scotch ale." Matt doesn't think it smells very good and Mike describes it as smelling like a cheese. It appears to taste even worse.
	+ **Matt**, "Oh my god!"
	+ **Mike**, "This tastes like a blue cheese!"
	+ **Matt**, "This tastes like Baby Cookie!"
	+ **Matt**, "This shit is rank!"

* When the Haunt Phase finally kicks in, it's revealed that Professor Fuckinstuff (Aaron) is the insane reincarnation of Julius Ceaser. He attempts to kill all the other investigators, but Tony punches him in the dick and he is captured in the house's large vault.
* Mike maintains that Matt has a deep-seated emotional bias against Aerosmith. Matt replies that he has Toys in the Attic in his record collection, and that he will play it for Mike later that night. The show quickly veers into an intense discussion of Aerosmith, which Courtney participates in.
* Mike reveals that the first album he made out to is Aerosmith's *Pump*.
* Aaron reveals that he first got 'wanked' to XTC's *Skylarking*, and that he never kissed before that. He just wanked first and kissed later.
* Matt talks to his future self who will be editing the episode to apologize for the show getting out of hand. He asks his future self to touch hands with him through the screen. Aaron doesn't believe that Future Matt really will.

## Running Gags

* Matt attempts to throw bottle caps into Aaron's open mouth.

## Original Characters

* Matt Sloan as "Baby Cookie"
	+ Baby Cookie drives onto the table on her moped, which she falls off of two or three times a day. Tony does his impression of Baby Cookie in her presence and Cookie threatens to punch him. Tony apologizes, and Cookie drives off the table to go to an illegal rendezvous.

* Mike Eserkaln as "Marble Mouth"

## Impressions

* **Tony (as Baby Cookie) [Selection]**: "*I'm gonna getcha! I'm gonna stab ya in yo little face!*"

## Songs

* “Love in the Elevator” (Aerosmith), sung by Aaron.
* “Dream On” (Aerosmith), sung by Mike.
* "Fuckenstein's Stuck In The Web" (original composition) sung by Matt, Mike, Aaron and Tony.
* "I Want To Have Sex with a Civil War Lady" (original composition), sung by Tony.

## Memorable Quotes

* **Matt**: I was trying not to throw it in your mouth.
* **Aaron**: I wanted you to throw it in my mouth!
* **Matt**: Why would you want that? It's gonna hurt you!
* **Matt**: Betrayal at House on the Hill is about a spooky old house that is haunted by memories and also haunted by fuckin' ghosts.
* **Tony**: I got into paranormal psychology for three reasons, but the main one was to put my dick in a ghost.
* **Matt**: We need to discover where the ghosts lie, and we need to go lie with them.
* **Mike**: I will punch you in the nnnnnneck. Is that clear?
* **Matt**: Let's roll 'em out. The quicker we drink 'em, the less sad they'll make us.
* **Tony**: What a fine red color, like a Scotsman's pubes. (Scottish accent) *Look at the sun gleamin' off mah bush, laddie! Tell me if muh ale is the same color!*
* **Matt**: Will you stop muttering and mumbling and grunting while I'm trying to talk to the folks?!
* **Matt**: I don't want to hear the wanking part.
* **Aaron**: Whose turd is it?
* **Aaron**: This show is over!
* **Matt**: This show is a fucking mess.
* **Matt**: Okay, this affects fucking no one. Who cares?! I'm seeing misty birds and turtles and it doesn't fucking matter!
* **Mike**: I really want to have sex with a Civil War woman now.
* **Aaron**: What are servant tokens, Adam? Why are you checking your phone?! I don't know what servant tokens, and you're just like 'I'm gonna check my phone and see if the Bulls are bumbling a butt fuck!'
* **Matt**: WHO FUCKING FARTED?!
* **Tony**: I blame myself.
* **Matt**: This night will never end...
* **Tony**: I have punched you in the dick and now you are supplicant, and on my next turn I'm gonna carry you into the vault and lock your ass inside.
* **Tony**: Yes! Bitch ass! Dick punch! Take your sorry ass into the vault and ka-chunk ka-chink you're inside!
* **Matt**: All racist epithets aside, you are in the vault.
* **Tony**: I punched your dick into a fine red mist! Bam! You've lost all cellular cohesion, and your dick exploded like a gas!