Grampa Josh

Grampa Josh (Timeline Alpha) is one of the original Joshes and is the current holder of the Time Crystal. He has gone by many names since the birth of time, including: Josh the Beautiful, God Emperor Nauman, Julius Caesar, Grandmaster Flash, and Santa Claus. He currently only accepts being called Grampa Josh. Anyone who tries to call him by his previous names or titles will either be ignored or destroyed at the subatomic level (see the Powers section).

### Origins

Grampa Josh is an old being, thought to have come into existence at the beginning of mankind. Scientist Josh (Timeline 15B), acting under orders from J-Man, recently attempted to carbon date Grampa Josh with a sample of dandruff collected from inside his favorite "I <3 Titties and Beer" trucker cap. This carbon dating seems to suggest that Grampa Josh might be as old as the first stars in the universe. Further testing is required but has been suspended by the Council of Joshes.

Grampa Josh's origins beyond that are unknown. Grampa Josh continues to change elements or entire plots of the stories he tells of his youth every time he retells them. No other living beings remain that could cross-reference to provide the facts so we are currently unable to tell what is the truth for a large part of Grampa Josh's existence save for the T-Rex incident.

### The T-Rex Incident

If there is one story that has remained mostly consistent within the lore of Grampa Josh, it is the infamous T-Rex Incident. During the time of the dinosaurs, Grampa Josh claims he lost a game of poker to a T-Rex. Grampa Josh became so furious that he summoned forth the meteor which is believed to have caused the mass-extinction event that killed off the majority of life on Earth, including the dinosaurs. He then condemned the surviving dinosaurs' genetic lines which let to their rapid evolution from the terrifying beasts of yore to the modern farm chicken. Grampa Josh is the single largest purchaser and consumer of dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets and The T-Rex Incident is cited as the reason he eats them for every meal, taking special care to bite off all the limbs of the T-Rex shaped ones before flipping the bird at the nugget and then ripping its tiny chicken nugget head off.

### Powers

#### Full Tummy

Grampa Josh's main power consists of his ability to alter the elemental construction of any matter, living or dead, at the subatomic level. He calls this ability "Full Tummy." He achieves this through the use of his ritual magic wherein he flips up his grease stained polo shirt and begins to rub his tummy and giggle. He then chants "Mmmmhhmmmm I have the full tummy" 3 times, on the third time the target of his power will begin suffering from a rapid half-life as all atomic elements within its construction begin shedding protons at a pace matching that to enriched Plutonium. The target decays into whatever new shape and composition Grampa Josh desires. Failing any specific idea, the target will be reduced to a gray-ish puddle the consistency of Tapioca pudding.

#### I Just Bought A Fucking Computer And You're Killing The Discord????

Grampa Josh also can extract a great deal of power and energy stored within the Time Crystal. While the other Crystals have all changed hands many times during recorded history, Grampa Josh has been the sole owner and keeper of the Time Crystal since their forging by High Lord Skrobilly 6 million years ago. Grampa Josh has consistently used this power to rewrite or alter any timelines or realities wherein Captain Horvath or Supreme Leader Slider successfully disband the friend group Discord. As such, there are currently no known timelines or realities where the Discord is not present, even where Discord (the company and social gaming platform) does not exist.