The Mad Tea Party (Olivia version)

After walking through the woods, Olivia had finally found a house which she believes could be the Bear Hatter and the March Fox's house.

"How very curious!" Olivia cried.

She walked to the gate that was the side of the house to see who could be singing. She saw that there was a long table, with a pink tablecloth and many and many teapots and cups and many more things. Sitting around the table were two animals that seem happy.

They were Little John (a big, obese grizzly bear with brown fur, a tan muzzle, a black nose, and three fingers and a thumb on each hand, wearing a green short-sleeved tunic, a small, matching, pointed hat with a red feather, and brown medieval shoes) and Robin Hood (a slender fox with red fur, a white muzzle, a black nose, light and brown eyes, wearing a green short-sleeved tunic, a bigger, matching, pointed hat with a red feather, a brown belt, and green shoes), and right now, they were singing a song, while steam was coming out of the teapots, playing along with the song.

Robin: *To us*
*A very know what day today is tea forget of us*

Little John: *A very merry unbirthday*

Robin: *A very merry unbirthday*

Little John and Robin: *A very merry unbirthday*
*To uuuuuussss*

As a solo was taking place, Olivia looked from behind the chair and saw the teapots dancing around. She tried to look at the guests of the party, but the steam was in the way. So she looked down through the teapots.

Robin: *Aaaaa*
*Very merry unbirthday*
*To me*

Little John: *To who?*

Robin: *To me!*

Little John: *Oh, you!*

Robin: *A very merry unbirthday*
*To you*

Little John: *Who me?*

Robin: *Yes, you!*

Little John: *Oh, me!*

Robin: *Let's all congratulate us*
*With another cup of tea*
*A very merry unbirthday*
*Toooooooooooooooooooooooo*
*Yooooooouuuuuuuu*

When the song was over, Olivia applauded. Little John and Robin Hood noticed that Olivia was there. They sprang from their chairs and jumped from chair to chair over to her, saying, "No room, no room, no room!"

Olivia sat down on a chair in confusion and protested, "But I thought there was plenty of room."

"Ah, but it's very rude to sit down without being invited!" Robin said.

Little John said in agreement, "I say it's rude! It's very, very rude indeed. Hah!"

A 10-year-old fish named Flounder, who had yellow scales, blue fins, and green eyes, peeked out of a teapot and repeated in a sleepy voice, "Very, very, very rude indeed..."

Olivia figures that they had a point, so she apologized, saying, "Oh, I'm sorry, but I did enjoy your singing and I wondered if you could tell me..."

Robin jumped on the chair Olivia was sitting on said, "You enjoyed our singing?"

"Oh, what a delightful child!" Little John said. "Hah! I'm so excited, we never get compliments! You must have a cup of tea."

"Ah, yes indeed!" Robin agreed. "You must have a cup of tea!"

"That would be very nice. And I'm sorry that I interrupted your birthday party." Olivia said, as Robin gave her the tea. "Thank you."

Robin then grabbed the tea back and said, "Birthday? Ha, ha, ha! My dear child, this is not a birthday party."

Then Little John picked up a teapot and poured tea, as he said, "Of course not. He-he-he. This is an unbirthday party."

"Unbirthday?" Olivia said in confusion. "Why, I'm sorry, but I don't quite understand."

"It's very simple," Robin explained. "See, thirty days have Sept-no, when..." Robin scratched his head. "An unbirthday, if you have a birthday, then you..." Then he laughed how hard it is to explain. "She doesn't know what an unbirthday is!"

Little John replied, "How silly... Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha... Ah-hum..." He coughed a little and used a tea pot to spray some steam to clear his throat. "I shall elucidate!"

Robin used a spoon as a baton to conduct the tea pots into music.

Little John: *Now statistics prove*
*Prove that you've*
*One birthday*

Robin: *Imagine*
*Just one birthday every year*

Little John: *Ahhh*
*But there are over 364*
*Unbirthdays*

Robin: *Precisely*
*Why we're gathered here*
*To cheer*

And since today wasn't Olivia's birthday, Olivia got up and said, "Well, then today is my unbirthday too."

"It is?" said Robin, looking surprised.

"What a small world this is." Little John commented.

"In that case..." Robin said, before he and Little John jumped out of their seats and started to dance around Olivia.

Robin: *A very merry unbirthday*

Olivia: *To me?*

Little John: *To you*

He takes off his hat to present a big pink cake trim in white with a burning candle on top.

Robin: *A very merry unbirthday*

Olivia: *For me?*

Little John: *For you*

Little John gives Olivia the cake.

Little John: *Now blow out the candle out, my dear*
*And make your wish come true*

He picks some icing up with his finger and licked it off, with a laugh.

Olivia blew the candle out and it started to flare like a fuse. In fact, to Olivia's surprise, the cake launched to the sky like a skyrocket.

Little John and Robin: *A very merry unbirthday*
*To*
*You*

The cake exploded with many pretty colors like fireworks, much to Olivia's delight. Out of the smoke, descended Flounder with a tiny umbrella tied on him.

Flounder: *Twinkle, twinkle little bat*
*How I wonder where you're at*
*Up above the world you fly*
*Like a tea tray in the sky*

Flounder landed in a tea pot and Robin closed the pot.

Olivia clapped and said, "Oh, that was lovely!"

Little John dipped his saucer in a teacup and said, "And us, now my dear, he-he, uh... you were saying that you would like to sit, uh...? Pardon me."

He then took a bite of the saucer. And he continued. "You were seeking some information of some kind...he-he!"

Robin gave Olivia a cup of tea, as Olivia accepted it and said, "Oh yes. You see, I'm looking for a..."

Little John then called out, "Clean cup, clean cup! Move down, move down, move down!" as he threw his cups in the air as did Robin.

Robin gave Olivia by the hand and made her stand up and follow.

Olivia said in confusion, "But I haven't used my cup!"

Robin: *Clean cup, clean cup*
*Move down, move down*
*Clean cup, clean cup*
*Move down*

Little John picked up a teapot with three spouts on each level of the height.

As he poured tea in three cups, he asked Olivia, "Would you like a little more tea?"

Olivia tried to get some tea out of a teapot that has no spout, as she explains, "Well, I haven't had any yet, so I can't very well take more..."

Robin took the teapot, cracked the teapot, and poured in Robin's cup.

"Ahhh, you mean you can't very well take less!" Robin corrected her.

Little John scooped a spoon full of sugar and poured it into Olivia's cup, then poured all the whole sugar pot in the cup, too much, in fact, that it overflowed.

"Yes! You can always take more than nothing!" Little John agreed.

Olivia took the cup and said, "But I only meant that..."

She was about to sip it, but the sugar was not allowing her to.

Little John held four cups of full tea, and tossed a teapot after filling the fourth one on top.

"And now, my dear, something seems to be troubling you," he said, as he took a sip of the teacup at the bottom. "Uh, won't you tell us all about it?"

"Start at the beginning." Robin said.

"Yes, yes," Little John agreed. "And when you come to the end, heh, heh, heh, heh, stop! See?"

"Well, it all started when I was sitting on the riverbamk with Zipper," Olivia began.

"Very interesting," Robin said, as he drank some tea, but then slammed the tea down quick with an excited expression. "Who's Zipper?"

"Well, Zipper is my fly," Olivia explained. "You see..."

Right when Olivia said 'fly', Flounder poked his head out of the teacup, as he shouted, "Fly?" and then started to go nuts in panic and started to swim around the table.

"Fly! Fly! Fly.." Flounder was crying as everybody except Olivia went after Flounder to calm him down. Little John and Robin jumped and grabbed Flounder by the tail.

Robin then said, "Hurry! Get the jam! Quickly! Get the jam!"

Olivia didn't need a second invite and went for the jam.

"On his nose, on his nose!" Little John instructed her, as Olivia scooped some jam up with a knife and smothered it on Flounder's nose, making him calm down, even as he said, "Where's the fly?"

Little John sighed in relief and said, "Oh. Oh, my goodness! Those are the things that upset me!"

Robin poured some tea and stops the pouring by plugging the flow with his tail, as he said, "See all the trouble you've started?"

Olivia received the cup and said, "But, really, I didn't think..."

"Ah, but that's the point," Robin said. "If you don't think, you shouldn't talk!"

Olivia was about to drink her tea, when Little John shouted, "Clean cup, clean cup! Move down, move down, move down!"

"But I still haven't used..." Olivia began to protest, they moved down.

Robin: *Move down, move down, move down*

"And now, my dear, as you were saying?" Little John asked.

"Oh, yes," Olivia said. "I was sitting on the riverbank with uh..." She whispered into Baloo's ear, "With you-know-who."

Little John said in excitement, "I do? Heh, heh, heh, heh..."

"I mean my F...L...Y..."

Little John then pulled out a teapot and said, "Why? You mean tea!"

Robin then cut a cup in half with a knife and said, "Just half a cup, if you don't mind." Little John poured Robin some tea into the half cup.

"Come, come my dear," Little John said, with a laugh. "Don't you care for tea?"

"Why, yes," Olivia began, "I'm very fond of tea, but..."

"If you don't care for tea, you could at least make polite conversation!" Robin said.

"Well, I've been trying to ask you..." Olivia began.

"I have an excellent idea," Robin said. "Let's change the subject!"

He then bonked Little John's hat onto his head with a mallet.

Little John popped the top of his half off and asked, "Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

Olivia then said in confusion, "Riddles? Let me see now. Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

Little John then said, "I beg your pardon?"

"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" Olivia repeated.

Little John then said in panic, "Why is a...What?"

Robin jumped on Little John and said, "Careful! She's stark raving mad!"

Olivia got up and said, "But-but it's your silly riddle! You just said..."

Little John and Robin backed away from Olivia.

"Very good?" asked Little John, as he tried to use a chair to defend himself.

Robin nervously held out a cup of tea, saying, "How about a nice cup of tea?"

Olivia then yelled in frustration, "Have a cup of tea, indeed! Well, I'm sorry, but I just haven't the time!"

Robin then shouted, "The time! The time! Who's got the time?"

Then, Archimedes came in, saying in panic, "No, no, no, no! No time, no time, no time! Hello, good-bye! I'm late! I'm late!"

Olivia was surprised that the owl actually came to this mad tea party, as Olivia said, "The brown pygmy owl!"

Archimedes took out his watch and said, "Oh, I'm so late! I'm so very, very late!"

Then, Little John yanked the watch out of the owl's pocket, also, yanking the owl's neck.

"Well, no wonder you're late," Little John said, as he examined the watch. "Why, this clock is exactly two days slow!"

"Two days slow?" asked Archimedes.

"Of course you're late!" Little John said, as he dipped the watch in a teapot then slammed it on the table, removing the face of the watch and laughed, as he said, "My goodness. We'll have to look into this." Little John placed a saltshaker in his eye and looked down at the watch, Little John salt pour all over the watch. "Aha!" Little John said. "I see what's wrong with it! Why, this watch is full of wheels!"

He then started digging out all the gears and springs with a fork. The owl couldn't believe what was happening. As if his house being burnt wasn't bad enough.

"Oh, my poor watch! Oh, my wheels! My springs!" Archimedes yelled, as he grabbed some springs and wheels as one spring got caught on his beak, before he stuttered, "But-but-but-but, but-but-but..."

"Butter," Little John said. "Of course, we need some butter! Butter!"

"Butter!" Robin yelled into Archimedes' ear.

"But-But-Butter?" Archimedes said, as he spotted a tray of butter and picked it up.

Little John took the butter from the owl and said, "Butter, oh, thank you, butter. Ha-ha. Yes, that's fine."

He then started to spread butter all over the clock's face.

Archimedes then yelled in panic, "Oh-no-no, no-no-no, you'll get crumbs in it!"

"Oh, this is the very best butter," Little John said, as he slammed the butter in the owl's face. "What are you talking about?"

Robin then said, "Tea?"

"Tea!" Little John said, as he poured tea on the watch. "Oh, I never thought of tea! Of course!"

"No!" Archimedes said, as Little John said, "Tea," and laughed, as the owl said, "No! Not tea!"

Robin blocked the owl's way with his foot and said, "Sugar?"

Little John replied, "Sugar. Two spoons, yes, ha, two spoons. Thank you, yes."

He took two spoons and slammed them on the watch.

"Oh, please! Be careful!" Archimedes said.

"Jam?" Robin asked, as he handed the jam to the owl.

Little John took the jam from Robin and said, "Jam, I forgot all about jam!"

He poured the jam on the watch and spread it around.

"No, no!" Archimedes said. "Not jam!"

"Yes, sure you want," Little John said, "it's nice to see."

"Mustard?" asked Robin, as he balanced a jar of mustard on his foot.

"Mustard? Yes, but..." Little John began, before he stopped and said, "Mustard? Don't let be silly!" He tossed the mustard, took a lemon, and poured it into the clock, as he said, "Lemon, that's different, that's..." Then he closed the watch and used a butter knife to slice off the jam, as he said, "There. That should do it."

Then, the watch started to go haywire and jump around.

"Look at that!" Little John exclaimed.

"It's going mad!" Robin said.

"Oh, my goodness!" Olivia said, looking worried.

"Oh dear!" Archimedes said.

"It's going mad!" Robin said, as the clock jumped about. "Mad watch!"

"I don't understand," Little John said, "it's the best butter."

"Mad watch! Mad watch! Mad watch!" Robin shouted.

"Oh, look!" Little John exclaimed, as it went crazy. "Oh, my goodness!"

Robin lifted his hammer and said, "There's only one way to stop a mad watch!" He slammed the watch, destroying it completely. Now, it's nothing but a small pile of junk.

Little John stared at it, before he said, nonchalantly, as he passed the watch to Archimedes, "Two days slow, that's what it is."

"Oh, my watch..." Archimedes said, getting all teary-eyed.

"It was?" asked Little John.

"And it was my unbirthday present too..." added Archimedes.

"Well, in that case..." Robin said, as he and Little John grabbed the owl and prepared to throw him out of the garden.

Little John and Robin: *A very merry unbirthday*
*Tooooooooooooooooooooooooooo*
*You*

Little John and Robin tossed Archimedes out of the garden and waved goodbye to him as Olivia tried to catch up to the snake.

"Mister Owl!" Olivia yelled, as she ran out of the party. "Oh, Mister Owl! Oh, now where did he go to?"

Then, she heard the tea party song again.

She turned and glared at Little John and Robin, before she stormed off and Olivia muttered, "Of all the silly nonsense, this is the stupidest tea party I've ever been to in all my life."