Ashkelon

**Ashkelon** is a middle-aged Sporumer known for being critical of how the Sporum and game work. She has good reason, for she's worked on early computers and versions of the internet since the 70's and Arpanet. She often uses her coding knowledge to debug her own game, which is plagued with problems, only hightening her criticalness of Maxis.

Before the Sporum degraded into its current state or lying, secret plots, hypocricy and general stupidity from the admins and the users she was a frequent visitor of the Spore Help subforum, where she aided users in their technical problems. Little can be said as to her success in this area, as only she knows. However, it can be assumed that her years of knowledge have led to the debugging of many a small problem in the game.

However, lack of support keeps Ash from fixing many of the problems inherent to the game's code and furthering the work of Ash into future patches.

She has said several times that because she's on a forum full of kids that she should be transparent. Her location reads "A small insular county in Iowa", and she has talked several times about the horses she owns or boards for clients (she owns her own farm and raises chickens, goats and horses and also has several dogs). Early computers from Bell Labs were prominent in her childhood, due to her father working for the company. She's also been coding for and using Arpanet since its inception.

Due to Aspergers, she can be a very literal person. Those who act like morons or think they're funny often get looked down upon. However, those who will actually be serious and not act like kids can find a good friend in Ash. Those who act immature or are hypocritical may not find such a good friend in Ash. Her pattern spotting abilities (an outcome of having Aspergers) allow her to make connections between alts and their main accounts should they become public on the Sporum, but these strong hunches are rarely revealed until the situation calls for it.

She's currently running with and dating former user MinionJoe. She is also a known Emoticoner.

## Our Ashkelon of Guadalupe (and the emaculacone conception)

Please open the Books of Sporum in front of you to The Book of Ashkelon, page 665, and hear the words of the wise Sporumers, their trials and tribulations, and the birth of our lordcone and most savory savior. Amen.

*"This is how the birth of the Emoticone came about: His mother Ashkelon was pledged to be girlfriend of MinionJoseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with meme through maxd24. Because MinionJoseph, her boyfriend, was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public lulz, he had in mind to break up with her quietly.*

*But after he had considered this, Dracilust appeared in a thread and said, "MinionJoseph, son of some older dude, do not be afraid to take Ashkelon home as your GF, because what is conceived in her is pretty cool. She will give birth to a Meme, and you are to give it the name Emoticone, because he will save the sporum from its self."*

*All this took place to fulfill what maxd24 had said through the post: "'don't worry... i was experimenting with tihs emitcones''***"**

*When MinionJoseph woke up, he did what Dracilust had commanded him and took Ashkelon home as his girlfriend. But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a meme. And he gave him the name Emoticone...*

*...And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from MaxisCactus that all the Sporum should be less spammy. (And this decree was first made when Will Wright was head of Maxis.) And all posters went to be on topic, every one into his own topic.*

*And MinionJoseph also went up from S&S, out of the city of nerds, into General Discussion, unto the city of memes, which is called GD; (because he was of the house and lineage of GD:) to be on topic with Ashkelon, his espoused girlfriend, being great with cone. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should bring up cones. And she brought forth her firstborn meme, and wrapped him in swaddling photoshops, and kaleb posted it in a thread; because there was no room for them in the other threads.*

*And there were in the same place sporumers abiding in the forum, keeping watch over the sporum by night. And, lo, the photoshop of the emoticone came upon them, and the glory of the cone shone round about them: and they were sore afraid: And Dracilust said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all posters. For unto you is born this day in the section of General Discussion a Saviour, which is the Emotcione. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the meme wrapped in swaddling photoshops, lying in a thread. And suddenly there was with Dracilust a multitude of the other image makers photoshopping cones, and saying, Glory to Emoticones in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward the Sporum.*

*And it came to pass, as the photoshoppers were gone away from them into their lives, the sporumers said one to another, "Let us now go even unto GD, and see this thing which is come to pass, which Dracilust hath made known unto us." And they came with haste, and found Ashkelon, and MinionJoseph, and the emoticone posted in a thread. And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this meme. And all they that heard it, wondered at those things which were told them by the sporumers. But Ashkelon kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart. And the sporumers returned, glorifying and praising the Emoticone for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.*

*After the Emoticone was born in General Discussion, during the time of SporeMasterSlime, posters from S&S came and asked, "Where is the one who has been born pretty cool? We saw his photoshop in the east and have come to worship him."*
*When Slime heard this he was disturbed, and all creator corner with him. When he had called together all the people's chief MUD and moderators of the law, he asked them where the Emoticone was to be born. "In General Discussion," they replied, "for this is what the prophet has written:*

***But you, Ashkelon, in the land of General Discussion,***
***are by no means least among the posters of the sporum;***
***for from you will come a meme,***
***who will be the meme of my people sporumers.***

*Then Slime called the S&Sers secretly and found out from them the exact time the Emoticone had appeared. He sent them to GD and said, "Go and make a careful search for the cone. As soon as you find him, report to me, so that I too may go and worship him."*

*After they had heard the Mod, they went on their way, and the photoshopped cone they had seen in the thread went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the meme was. When they saw the Emoticone, they were overjoyed. On coming to the house, they saw the emoticone with his mother Ashkelon, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of youtube videos and of off topic discussions and of photoshops. And having been warned in by their concious not to go back to Slime, they returned to S&S by another route.*

*And when eight days were accomplished for the circumcising of the meme, his name was called Emoticone, which it was so named after he was conceived in the thread."*