Agents of the EQF: Dead penguins don't chat

THIS WILL SOON BE AN UQA!
Template:Past

## Prologue

It was a normal day for all the penguins of Club Penguin. Quacker was waddling from the Mine Shack to his igloo, because he had accidentally left his EPF Phone there. He had just arrived in the Forest, when he noticed that Quackerpengu was there, as well.

Quacker: QUACKERPENGU?!?

Quackerpengu: Oh no, an idiot.

Quackerpengu hid behind a tree and teleported away with a stolen EPF spy phone. Quacker waddled to the tree, but Quackerpengu was no tonger there.

Quacker: I´ll go and tell the other EQF and PSA...i mean EPF agents about it.

Quacker started waddling to the Ski Village.

Meanwhile, in the EPF HQ...

G: I just invented a new invention!

Quack: What is it?

G: Behold! It is my latest--and possibly greatest--invention yet! The Pizza 3000!

Quack: It looks like pizza.

G: Pizza **3000**.

Quackerpenguin took a slice of the pizza and ate it.

Quackerpenguin: It tastes like pizza.

G: And ink!

Quack: ...

Quackerpenguin: ...

Then, Quacker waddled out of the elevator.

Quacker: I SAW QUACKERPENGU IN THE FOREST!

Quackerpenguin: You didn't. He is dead. And April Fools Day was yesterday, not today.

Quack: Who is Quackerpengu?

Quackerpenguin: Quackerpengu was my evil brother. He died in 2010 during a PSA mission to destroy the evil plans of the Legion of Extremely Evil Polar Bears, and Quacker knows that.

Quacker: But it was Quackerpengu!

Quackerpenguin: It was just someone else who looked like him. Gary, do you have any more new inventions, like a Shut Up Ray Gun?

G: No.

Quack: When he was evil, then what was he doing in the PSA?

Quackerpenguin: He was an agent of the Noot Secret Agent Force, which sometimes did terrorist attacks and other evil stuff in the other countries. He moved to the USA to do evil stuff and claimed that he came from Rusca. He made a secret criminal organization along with 2 more evil penguins. 2 years later, they made a plan to destroy the PSA. Quackerpengu joined it and pretended to be good. However, Topkek von Kek, one of the PSA agents, suspected that he may be evil. Because of that, Quackerpengu killed a penguin and blamed Topkek for it. Topkek was jailed, and Quackerpengu stayed in the PSA. After that, Quacker and Quackerpingu started suspecting that he may be evil, but he died during a mission before anybody found out that he really was. He was thought to have been a good penguin until I joined the EPF and told everyone that he was evil.

Quack: Why wasn't that found out before?

Quackerpengu: Nobody knows.

Quacker: Also, right now you forgot to say that Topkek was never released from jail because he was penguinnapped from there in 2014 by someone, whose identity is still unknown because all the security cameras in the jail were being replaced with better ones on the same day, and nobody knows where he is now.

Quackerpenguin: Right.

## Chapter 1: Return of an evil penguin

Quackerpingu was watching TV in the EQF's top secret HQ that you don't know about. Then, his phone rang.

Quackerpingu: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA CAN'T KEKTUS STOP CALLING ME JUST TO SAY "top kektus"?

Quackerpingu took the phone and pressed the answer button.

Quacker: Hi!

Quackerpingu: Hi Quacker! I thought it is Kektus again. Did you see QuaXerpingu anywhere?

Quacker: No, but i saw Quackerpengu in the Forest.

Quackerpingu: Okay-wait what? QUACKERPENGU?

Quacker: Yes.

Quackerpingu: It seemed strange to me all the time that he fell into that hole without noticing it. It was quite big, after all.

Quacker: It seemed strange to me, too.

Quackerpingu: I'll come to Club Penguin with all the EQF agents who can come. Don't tell anyone.

Quacker: I'll be waiting.

QuaXerpingu was playing a game about nuking different countries on his computer in The Evil Something's top secret HQ that you also don't know about.

Computer: BOOM!

QuaXerpingu: Bye USA!

Computer: BOOM!

QuaXerpingu: Bye Duck Island!

Then, Quackerpengu and Former Dictator Pingu of Noot Island waddled in.

Quackerpengu: QuaXerpingu, we have a problem.

QuaXerpingu: What?

Computer: BOOM BOOM BOOM! You were destroyed by Freezeland!

QuaXerpingu: Oh, that problem. Go away and get rekt.

Quackerpengu: Not that problem. Quacker saw me in Club Penguin.

QuaXerpingu: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NOW THE EPF AND EQF AGENTS KNOW THAT YOU ARE ALIVE!

Former Dictator Pingu of Noot Island: What should we do now?

QuaXerpingu: Let's go to CP and penguinnap Quacker! Nobody will believe him anyway, expect for my host, whom he hopefully hasn't told about that yet.

Then, CAPTAIN ASPARAGUS entered the room.

CAPTAIN ASPARAGUS: CAPTAIN ASPARAGUS BLAH!

CAPTAIN ASPARAGUS fired his lazor at QuaXerpingu's computer, destroying it.

QuaXerpingu: ...

Meanwhile, Quackerpingu had sent a message to all the EQF agents, telling them to come to the EQF HQ.

1penguin437: Why did we all have to come to the HQ?

Quackerpingu: Quacker saw Quackerpengu in Club Penguin.

Weevil20000: But Quackerpengu is dead!

Quackerpingu: I don't think so. Everyone, let's go to Club Penguin!

Kektus: top rekt

Everyone waddled out of the HQ.

In CP, Quack and Quacker were waddling to the Town.

Quack: Quacker, you did NOT see Quackerpengu. It was someone else who just looked like him.

Quacker: But it WAS Quackerpengu!

Quack: ...

## Chapter 2: Attack in Club Penguin

Some days later, a Walrus Line ferry arrived in the Port of Club Penguin. Quackerpingu waddled out of it, along with some more penguins, some walri, some humans and a robot.

Quacker: Hi Quackerpingu!

Quackerpingu: Hi Quacker!

Quack: SMH Quacker why did you call and tell them to come here? Quackerpengu is dead!

The Ultimate Not-Breakable Virus-Free Not-Prototype Robot 3000: There is a 50% chance that he is not dead...BEEP 833P 1 4M 8R0K3N!

Quackerpenguin: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Kektus: top kek

Quackerpenguin: WHY DID YOU INVITE THIS BROKEN ROBOT HERE?

Quacker: He wasn't broken some seconds ago...

Quackerpenguin: ...

All the penguins started waddling to the EPF HQ. However, before they arrived there, a group of evil penguins and robots stopped them.

Former Dictator Pingu of Noot Island: NOOBS!

CAPTAIN ASPARAGUS: CAPTAIN ASPARAGUS BLAH!

CAPTAIN ASPARAGUS fired his lazor.

Darth Brain: Get rekt!

A group of Robot 1000s: REKT! REKT! REKT!

Darth Walrius: GET REKT AND FEEL THE WRATH OF THE FOUR SITH LORDS!

QuaXerpingu: Finally, a lot of our enemies are in the same place and we can defeat them all at once!

The EQF agents started fighting against the evil penguins, robots and walruses.

Quackerpingu: Quack.

QuaXerpingu: Shut up and get rekt!

Kektus: top kek

Kektus threw a snowball at QuaXerpingu.

QuaXerpingu: Idiots.

Then, a water balloon hit one of the robots, who broke.

Darth Brain: WHAT?!? WHO THREW THAT?

QuackerpYngu: Twat nwinja who iws hwiding bwehind twis twee ower twere.

Lava Operator: Why didn't you tell us that there is a ninja before?

Darth Brain: He didn't do that because he is stupid.

Lava Operator: I hate Mwa Mwa Penguins.

Darth Walrius: Let's catch that ninja!

Krylo Ben: Where is he?

Darth Brain: Behind this tree over there.

Darth Walrius: There is nobody behind that tree.

Darth Brain: He was there before...

Ninjapingu: I have no idea where he is now...

Darth Brain: Yes...

Ninjapingu: Rekt.

Ninjapingu used his Card-Jitsu cards to throw snowballs at Darth Brain, Lava Operator, Darth Walrius and Krylo Ben.

Darth Brain: Stupid ninja.

Ninjapingu used his Card-Jitsu cards to throw a water balloon at Darth Brain.

Darth Brain: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

QuaXerpingu: Retreat! There aren't enough robots left!

QuaXerpingu pressed a button on a strange device. All the robots (both the active and broken ones) teleported away. Then, a helicopter landed.

QuaXerpingu: Bad bye.

All the evil penguins, along with the two walruses, went into the helicopter. After that, it flew away.

Quackerpingu: I hope that we will catch them soon.

Ninjapingu: What were they doing here?

Quackerpingu: Getting rekt.

Some time later, in the EPF HQ...

G: Quackerpengu is dead.

Quackerpingu: Anyway, a lot of The Evil Something members were near here.

Quack: They said that they wanted to defeat all the EQF agents at once.

Quacker: I think that they lied. They possibly had another reason for that.

At the same time, on a Walrus Line ferry going to Shiverpool...

QuaXerpingu: Quackerpengu, you're demoted. Former Dictator Pingu of Noot Island, you're the new second in command now.

Quackerpengu: Why?

Former Dictator Pingu of Noot Island: Because you are an idiot! How many times have I told you that?

Quackerpengu: Only once, and that was ten years ago, in Noot Island.

Former Dictator Pingu of Noot Island: ...

QuaXerpingu: Now, let's give the EQF some rekt.

## Chapter 3: The Failed Attacks

Quackerpingu: Quack.

Quacker: I agree.

Kektus: top kek

Then, Soakerpingu entered the room.

Soakerpingu: Some members of The Evil Something were just spotted in Shiverpool!

Quackerpingu: Let's go there then!

Kektus: top kek

At the same time, somewhere in Shiverpool...

QuaX: Where did we have to place this bomb?

QuaXer: Behind that car.

QuaX and QuaXer place the bomb behind the car and waddle away.

Darth Brain: QuaX and QuaXer have successfully placed the bomb behind the car.

QuaXerpingu: Great! Did they activate it?

Darth Brain calls QuaXer.

Darth Brain: Did you activate the bomb?

QuaXer: No. Did we have to do that too?

Darth Brain: They didn't.

QuaXerpingu: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

At the same time, somewhere else in Shiverpool...

Shadow WalruX: I can't see any EQF agents.

HuXert X. PenXumin: That penguin on that ship looks like one...

Shadow WalruX: Let's tell QuaXerpingu about that!

Shadow WalruX calls QuaXerpingu.

Shadow WalruX: There is an EQF agent on a ship!

QuaXerpingu: Try to throw a Spam Bomb at him after he leaves the ship.

Shadow WalruX: Ok.

Shadow WalruX tries to throw a Spam Bomb at Quacker as soon as he comes close enough, but he accidentally drops it and gets spammed himself.

QuaXer activates the bomb.

QuaXer: I activated the bomb.

QuaX: II think that we should blow it up now.

QuaXer: Ok.

The car, behind which the bomb was hidden, drives away just before QuaXer blows up the bomb.

Random cop 1: A bomb exploded!

Random cop 2: Those X-Antibodies blew it up!

Random cop 1: Let's arrest them!

QuaXer and QuaX run away and the cops start chasing them.

Quackerpingu: Have you found any The Evil Something members?

Quacker: Shadow WalruX tried to throw a spam bomb at me, but he dropped it and got spammed himself. He ran away along with HuXert X. PenXumin, who didn't try to throw a spam bomb at me.

Quackerpingu: Let's find QuaXerpingu.

Quacker: How?

Quackerpingu: Let's use a bus to drive around the city and look for The Evil Something members.

Quackerpingu, Quacker and the other EQF agents waddled to a bus stop and started waiting for a bus.

## Chapter 4: The Battle in Shiverpool

QuaXerpingu: Why did you run away? You should have thrown another Spam Bomb at the EQF agent!

Shadow WalruX: HuXert X. PenXumin had the box with spam bombs, and he ran away first.

QuaXerpingu wanted to reply, but a bus stopped in a bus stop next to the villains and all the EQF agents waddled out of it, except for Ninjapingu and 1penguin437, who were arguing about something and didn't notice that the other agents left the bus.

Former Dictator Pingu of Noot Island: EQF agents!

QuaXerpingu: Attack!

The members of The Evil Something started fighting the EQF agents.

Quacker: Villains are idiots!

QuaXer: No, you are an idiot!

Quacker threw a Spam Bomb at QuaXer.

QuaXerpingu: As soon as another bus comes, get on it!

Soon after that, a bus came. All of the The Evil Something members waddled to the bus stop and went on the bus. QuackerpYngu also grabbed Puffles, and took him on the bus, as well. There were no passengers, and the driver was thrown out of a door. Then, the villains drove away.

Quackerpingu: Chase them!

Another bus came. All the EQF agents (and the driver of the other bus went on it. Luckily, there were no passengers again.

Quackerpingu: Follow that other bus!

Ninjapingu and 1penguin437 were lost.

Ninjapingu: Where did the other EQF agents go?

1penguin437: I don't know, but we have waddled over this bridge at least twice!

Ninjapingu: Look, QuaXerpingu is on that bus!

Ninjapingu and 1penguin437 jumped down from the bridge and landed on the roof of the bus.

QuaXerpingu: What was that?

Quackerpengu used a deletion bomb to delete a hole into the roof and looked out of it.

Quackerpengu: There are ninjas on the roof!

Ninjapingu put a tracking device on the roof on the bus. Then, QuackerpYngu threw a spam bomb at the ninjas. Luckily for Ninjapingu and 1penguin437, the EQF agents' bus was right next to the villains' bus, and they were able to jump to it's roof and avoid the spam bomb. Quackerpingu used his deletion ray gun to delete a hole into the roof of the agents' bus, and Ninjapingu and 1penguin437 jumped into the bus. However, the bus had to stop because a of car crash that happened a few meters ahead of the bus, ant the villains got away. What nobody noticed was that Kektus, who had randomly waddled away before everyone went on the bus, was on the roof of a random car and soon managed to jump onto the villains' bus.

## Chapter 5:

Puffles and Topkek von Kek were in a cage in a secret base of The Evil Something, located in an old castle in Eastshield that had been abandoned since the end of the High Penguin Confederacy.

Puffles: I'm bored.

General Tux: And you will stay bored!

General Ermitkay: Why do WE have to guard this cage? We are generals! The cage should be guarded by robots or Mwa Mwa Penguins!

General Tux: Because you accidentally spilled that bottle of orange juice on QuaXerpingu's computer and then also accidentally dropped some ice on the ground so i slipped and spilled that other bottle of orange juice on his TV!

Puffles: lol noobs

General Tux: We are not noobs!

General Ermitkay: You are noobs!

General Tux: Actually, YOU are a noob...

General Ermitkay: No, you are!

General Tux: It's definitely you!

General Nootface came.

General Nootface: STOP ARGUING AND GUARD THÈ CAGE!

General Nootface waddled away.

***THE END!***