Stone 58

**Chapter 58**

Next morning, and Kahlan is heading into the Ostenstatiatory. This proves to be crammed with people, and not just nobles: ordinary scum-of-the-earth commoners are there as well. Somebody's sitting in Mama Bear's chair, so you *know* this is going to end well.

The chair-sitter proves to be, not Fyren, but Fyren's plain-robed lackey Neville Longbottom Ranson. Fyren is present as well, though: his corpse is lying on the floor, his throat cut. There's also a bunch of guards around the room. Kahlan orders Ranson to vacate her chair or she'll kill him. Ranson retorts that she's done killing people, and reveals himself to be a wizard. Gasp and horror!

Kahlan realizes that *"There was no chance of escape. None."* So...so much for the No Man Can Stop Me arrogance of the Mindrapists. It seems to me that, if she could mindrape Ranson, he ought to be able to fry the whole roomfull of people.

Ranson proceeds to read off a list of charges against Kahlan, speechifying \~/ to the effect that her reign of terror is over, the Imperial Order is here to save everyone, Mindrapists are evil, et cetera. Now, despite how overdone Ranson is, I can't really argue with him on that last point.

Kahlan says that the Imperial Order raped and murdered the people of Ebinissia. Ranson denies this, producing witnesses to support his statement that the Order hasn't harmed Ebinissia. Then we move on to more witnesses who testify to the general evil of the Mindrapists in general, and Kahlan in particular.

*"A woman in drab, worn clothes...told of how her children had gone to bed hungry, because she had no money. She said she had been forced into prostitution to feed her children. Kahlan knew it was a lie. There was no scarcity of charitable people and groups who would help anyone truly needing ir."*

That's right. No one in the world - in a *pre-industrial world* - ought ever to go hungry, because there are countless charities just waiting to help out. Anyone who claims otherwise is a liar. \~/

*"For the next hour, one witness after another was paraded in, and each told a story of hunger and want, and how the palace would not give them money to feed and clothe themselves, not caring if their children starved.*

*"Kahlan recognized a few of the people testifying* [!!] *She remembered Mistress Sanderholt offering them work in the past. She had told Kahlan that when they had come in, they scoffed at the things they were asked to do. Mistress Sanderholt ended up having to do many of the tasks herself."*

The *Empress of the Midlands* recognizes some of the Selfish Welfare Leeches that the head cook had attempted (and failed!) to employ at some indefinite previous time. Uh-huh. Yep. \~/

And the Selfish Welfare Leeches, having scored jobs at the *Empress's Palace,* *"scoffed"* at their jobs. Never mind that the pay was likely considerably higher than other, comparable jobs. Never mind that they would be working in a freaking *palace,* not mucking out stables or sweeping alleys. They're Selfish Welfare Leeches, so they expect free handouts. \~/

Ranson starts in on the heavy-duty speechifying, basically saying that Kahlan is living in the lap of luxury while people starve, and to distract the populace, has invented an enemy and is promoting an unjust war. He then says that - wait a minute; who's that at the door?

Why, it's our old friend Mister Strawman! What's that, Mr Strawman? Oh, all people who use welfare or government assistance or other forms of handouts are selfish leeches! That's right, because anyone with a *genuine* need would be inundated with help from the countless charities! Therefore, only lazy, selfish people take money from the government! Thanks Mr Strawman!

What a nice guy.

So, yeah; Ranson whips the crowd into a frenzy about Kahlan's selfishness and thn promises to give everyone one gold piece a month from the Mindrapist's treasury. This, apparently, is enough to feed and cloth their children. So, 1 gold = several hundred dollars, apparently.

Ranson and his hired witnesses then continue on with other charges. *"People repeated irrational fears and rumors of every sort of outrage committed by Confessors, and by the Mother Confessor in particular.*

*"For her whole life [Kahlan] had sacrificed everything, as had the other Confessors, to protect these people, and the whole time they believed these monstrosities instead."*

I believe I've already ranted in my sporking of *Wizard's First Rule* on the Poor Noble Confessors. Suffice to say, my sympathy is entirely with the commoners, strawmen though they be. I believe that's a drink for angst, one for irony, and one to cleanse my throat. \~/\~/\~/

Kahlan wearies of the kangaroo trial and demands to be executed immediately, since that's obviously what Ranson is leading up to. Kahlan tells the commoners to go to hell, she's glad the Order is going to torture them, it's all true, and she only wishes she actually *had* killed Fyren.

Ranson produces his star witness, Mistress Sanderholt. With great reluctance (and only after Kahlan orders her to do so) Sanderholt testifies that Kahlan snuck up behind Fyren and cut his throat. Which is stupid on multiple levels, so \~/.

The crowd wants Kahlan executed immediately, but Ranson decides to wait a few days so *"everyone harmed by this criminal [will have] a chance to come to see her executed."* Apparently he's never read the Evil Overlord's list either.

Kahlan *finally* tries to mindrape Ranson, but he solidifies the air around her, paralyzing her. He declares that he's going to strip her of three things: *"First, your power and its symbol. Second, your dignity. Third, your life."* With that, Ranson does a magic Something, and Kahlan's power is gone.

He then cuts off her hair, that evil, evil bastard. He doesn't shave her head or anything like that; he cuts it at the nape of the neck. Nevertheless, he is *EVAL!*

Ranson and his Goons then drag Kahlan into the dungeon and to the edge of the Rape Pit of Rapiness, occupied by Cyrilla a few chapters back. Ranson the makes a statement which manages to combine squick, stupidity, hilarity, and insanity: *"I would rape you myself, but I find your sense of honor disgusting."* So I guess he only rapes decent, honorable women. Ranson: The Noble Rapist. \~/

He then shoves Kahlan into the Rape Pit and the chapter ends.

Drinks: 10

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