Shades of the Great Houses - Chapter Six

> "*As it turns out, snow doesn't like fire.*"
> ― DM Matt
>
>

**Shades of the Great Houses - Chapter Six: "The Frozen Feast"** is the seventh episode of Queens of Adventure. It features the party's continued stay at the Crystal Palace.

## Synopsis

It is the day after the Search for the Tops contest and Booty and the Hofish are the guests of honor at a banquet, seated alongside the Ice Princess in the palace she has rebuilt with her powers. The other contestants and judges are seated elsewhere in the hall. The Princess apologizes for the commotion with the yeti, but the queens seem unphased, except Butylene who is still coming down from the mutagen. Arson shows off her pact weapon by vibrating the table, which the Princess seems to enjoy.

Nearby sit Gnomi and Copper Top. Gnomi asks to check out the Ice Scepter they won so he can translate the runes. Butylene, who has the scepter, tries to glean his intentions but is unsure. The Princess assures them that no one could escape the palace. Butylene hands it over.

The Ice Princess asks if they might join a demonstration battle as part of the rest of the Tip of the Tops festival. The party inquires about compensation, including drink tickets, but accepts. She assures them that no harm will come to the party as she can stop it anytime and there will be medics on hand.

Gnomi finds a chart in a book with coded runes. He explains they are coordinates to a vault on Fire Island. Copper Top suggests they might be able to book a gig on a cruise ship to Fire Island with their new notoriety.

As the evening winds to a close, the Ice Princess invites Fraya to meet in private on the balcony. From there they can make out the storm still raging far below the castle. The Ice Princess comments it must have been terrible to be stuck in the storm. She confesses, as an Air Genasi, she used to be able to control the storm, but has been losing her powers. This shocks Fraya, who had assumed she had lost her own powers from losing her virginity. Fraya's only other theory was that her goddess had gone to another realm where she's a celebrity. The Princess warns her to be on the lookout for sinister forces.

Arson wanders the palace and finds a room with a hot spring. There her patron Samantha appears. Samantha says she is envious that Arson is about to go cruising. She encourages Arson to make good use of her pact weapon so she can be calm and prepared in the coming times, as great changes may be coming. "Never fear. I will always be with you," her patron warns before dissolving away.

The remaining queens, Harlotte and Butylene, have wandered away from the banquet and have gone up to the suite where the party is staying. It's there first time alone since their quest has begun. They stare into each others eyes. Harlotte says she has been enjoying their adventures, but wonders how they feel about the rest of the party. Before Butylene can respond, Harlotte leans in to kiss her with a successful sleight of hand roll. Soft music plays from outside the room as a yeti watches from the window.

The next day, the queens find themselves in an ice arena. The Ice Princess sits in a spectators box in the full stands. Various items litter the arena, and at the far end stands a Snow Golem. The Princess calls down, reminding them no permanent harm will come to them, and signals the start of the battle.

Realizing her *eldritch blast* now has impressive range, Arson decides to fire using a eye to eye hand gesture. It knocks the golem in the shoulder, who then raises a weapon and begins to move across the arena by rolling as a snowball. He hurls his ice spear, which shatters at Harlotte's feet. Butylene runs closer and chucks a bomb at the golem which also does some damage to some nearby crates. Harlotte tumbles and rolls past an icy patch and shoots with her short bow. Fraya runs close enough to *shape water*, turning one of the golem's legs into an ice spear she jams into him. The golem balances on one leg, and leans on a pile of crates.

A suit of armor near Harlotte shudders to life and swings its spiked fists down on the rogue, missing with both. Meanwhile, a microphone appears in Arson's hand, she sings a spell and lays a *hex* on the golem before firing another *eldritch blast* into the shoulder again. Butylene throws an acid vial, damaging the golem and further melting the boxes. The Ice Princess comments she liked the fire better, but applauds them. Harlotte slips between the armor's legs and dashes to flank the snow golem with his bow.

Then the rug rises up and its tassels grope Fraya, wrapping around to suffocate her. She belly dances to wriggle out of it. Touching the ice arena floor with her fingers, she uses *shape water* to douse and freeze the rug.

A pit opens in the middle of the area near the golem, as sand falls away. Arson is torn between targets, but ultimately *eldritch blasts* the golem, for another successful hit square in the chest. The Ice Princess announces her dismay no one has gone after the treasure chest yet as the golem rolls forward, crashing into Fraya and landing on the rug. It takes several swings at Butylene, who realizes she can do hellish rebuke damage back. Flames engulf the golem and when they extinguish, the golem is gone. However, the ground beneath the tiefling's feet are cracking.

Harlotte investigates the crates, finding gunpowder, honey, and sharp hatpins. She grabs the honey and hurls it at the armor, who resists its stickiness. The rug grapples Butylene, as Fraya grabs a little more water from the ice water to douse a second, inactive suit of armor, causing it it oxidize and rust to nothing. The active armor clanks over to Harlotte and yanks the boxes out from under her. She falls into his arms and is grappled by his honey covered arms. The *hex* spell moves into the armor.

As Arson dashes to the treasure chest, it opens revealing rows of teeth. After biting her, the warlock casts *hellish rebuke* via a mystically appearing drink she throws into the chest's face. It bursts into a belch of mystic fire, burning away and leaving behind coins.

Butylene summons *arms of the void* on the rug ensnaring her. She whispers to the rug how she is planning to tear it apart. The rug quivers and collapses. The act causes Harlotte to swoon. The grappling armor holds her uncomfortably, not realizing it is fake. This allows her to slip out of his grasp and double attack. The armor stumbles backwards towards the pit, held together mostly by the honey. Fraya charges past Butylene, jumps, and blasts the armor into the pit with *gust of wind*.

As the crowd cheers and two more suits of armor rise up to carry the queens out, the Ice Princess says there were other traps they missed, thankfully, and applauds their efforts. Other guests come to ask for autographs. Copper Top managed to get a meet and greet wrist band and smuggled Gnomi in. He explains he booked them on a ship that departs in two days.

The queens accept the Princess's hospitality for two days as they prepare their act for the cruise ship before departing in a high speed sleigh that takes them to a bustling port town. Gnomi points out their ship: The SS Salty Starfish. On board Captain Zeta Jones waves to them and welcomes them aboard. He promises them a completely uneventful trip.

"If we have to ride on a door, I'm pushing all of you off," Arson warns.

### Characters

#### Party

* Arson Nicki - drow warlock
* Butylene O'Kipple - tiefling alchemist
* Fraya Love - water genasi cleric
* Harlotte O'Scara - human rogue

#### NPcs

* Ice Princess
* Search for the Tops Judges (mention only)
* The Tooting Oompas (mention only)
* Crotch (mention only)
* Gnomi Malone
* Copper Top
* Snow Beast
* Captain Zeta Jones (debut)

#### Monsters/Enemies

* Snow Golem
* Suit of Armor
* Rug
* Mimic

## Episode  Notes

### Lore

* Gnomi determines that coordinates on the scepter lead to Fire Island.
* The Ice Princess reveals she too is losing control over weather, as previously had Fraya, and her whole town of Oceanica.

### Inspiration Earned

* Fraya: Demanding mix greens instead of iceberg lettuce.
* Arson: Puns about the damage to the palace
* Butylene: Acting out the after effects of mutagen.
* Fraya: For turning a snow golem's leg into a weapon.

### Memorable Quotes

* "I almost crumbled under the pressure, but I found the final experience smashing." - Arson Nicki
* "Can I lend Arson my sneak attack ability so she can like, sneak vibrator attack someone? Specifically me when I'm not paying attention and I'll take subdural comfort damage." - Harlotte O'Scara
* "It's a map and a dildo? You'd better work!" "It's verse!" - Fraya Love and Gnomi Malone
* "Come on cruise ship, let's get sea-sickening!" - Arson Nicki
* "You'll do anal and then have a cheese platter. Best of both worlds!" - DM Matt
* "This is cute, but can you take the nails off that mage hand?" - Butylene O'Kipple
* "Honestly, sounds like my kind of man, tbh" "Nothing inside?" "Empty inside." - Arson Nicki and DM Matt
* "There's a romantic comedy in here somewhere." - Arson Nicki
* "Now it's the rug's turn..." - DM Matt
* "I mean your foundation oxidized on your face." - Arson Nicki
* "Call her grapefruit cause she is bitter!" - Arson Nicki
* "Checkered, much like your past."
* "Your thread count is terrible." - Butylene O'Kipple
* "Just pretend its West End Girls and repeat your best number." - Butylene O'Kipple

### References

* Sharper Image
* Al and Chuck travel
* Bebe Zahara Bene
* Sinestro
* Drug Commercial side effects
* Sex and the City; Mr Big
* "The Time Has Come for You to Lip Synch for Your Life" / "Sashay Away"
* The Matrix
* Shady Rattlesnake noise from RuPaul's Drag Race
* 300 - "This is Sparta!"
* Final Fantasy VII
* Catchphrases from RuPaul's Drag Race queens: Mystique Summers Madison, CoCo Montrese, and Stacy Lane Matthews
* Winnie the Pooh
* Shangela emerging from boxes as well as her classic untucked sugar daddy rant
* Designing Women "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia" speech
* Drag Race Queen Willam's line "Your Tone is Very Pointed Right Now"
* Hadooken from Street Fighter.
* Konami code
* Drag Race Queen Alaska's need to win a cruise
* Catherine Zeta Jones and Chicago
* Titanic

### Name That Tune

* "Never Gonna Give You Up" - Rick Jones (yes, the queens rickrolled the listeners)
* "Celebrate"
* "I Put a Spell on You"
* "Anaconda"
* "Let it Go" - Frozen
* "I Got You Babe" - Sunny and Cher
* "Love Shack" - B-52s ("Tin roof, rusted!)
* "Vacation" - Go-Gos

## Behind the Queens

* This episode was recorded on February 25th, 2018.
* For the first time, the table play battle was not summarized. This means the episode includes references to the random figures used for the battle map like Scooby-Doo and Wonder Woman.
* Bonus Episode 002 "Hang Ten" is introduced by DM Matt as semi-canonical, and could potentially fit between this episode and the Season Zero finale, The Final Voyage of the Salty Starfish. This could only work if it occurs during the two days between the end of the battle and the embarking of the ship.
* Before the March 2020 renumbering of the podcast, this was episode six of Season Zero.

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