Callum Hawthorne

## **This article, Callum Hawthorne, is property of TheGreatKuzon!****.**

**File:Callum.jpg****Callum Methisones Hawthorne III** is an Athorian politician, five-star general, master security advisor, universal relations secretary, martial artist, and scientist. He is very renowned for his work in social arts and politics, but especially his military leadership. He served as as the 2nd Chancellor of Earth & The Great Empire, succeeding Ocarin. He served from 1116 to 1146, and was succeeded by 'the esteemed' Andrew Erdwin.

## Overview

Hawthorne is what one may call a very peculiar man. He is very witty yet charming. Always showing up to work early, he shows himself off as very loyal. He makes vast usage of big words and grammar. Though sometimes he can seem quite demanding, he is rewarding. He thinks very highly of himself at times, as well. Regardless, he is extremely well-respected by colleagues. With his very diverse past, he is "a man whom has seen many things". He commonly makes comments that vaguely relate to the conversation.

Callum is highly educated in the fine arts of social politics, foreign relations and diplomacy, anthropology, and war strategy. He is also very knowledgeable in a variety of sciences. He has a vast understanding of thousands of languages and cultures across the universe, making him an ideal statesman. He is an Athorian, which is a race very similar to Humans, however more intelligent and powerful.

## Biography

Callum was born, the result of an alleged love affair between a renowned Athorian war colonel and a 50-foot tall alien female, on 12 October Age 492. His parents were never together. Growing up, his father put him in the care of a large race of alien gorillas who were masters of warfare and strategy, but visited him often. Here, Callum learned the arts of warfare.

Shortly after coming of age, a large space war between the gorilla empire and a race of xenomorphs broke out. Callum joined it and became a mercenary. He successfully had his first kill, when jumping onto a xenomorph and shoving a sword through its head and ripping it off. He still has it on his wall. After the war, Callum became a nomad and studied thousands of different cultures and planets. He came upon Planet Goomba, where he learned from a wise naked old man how to fish. The man gave him a small box that held an infinite amount of purple air fish with magical powers. Callum would prize it and use it wisely.

Callum landed on Planet Earth around Age 580, however, seeing the planet was overran by giant green demon men, he left to find another planet to colonize. His father was dying around this time, and summoned his son to his cottage farm on Planet Scotland. By now, his father had had several illegitimate children and was married to a black man. He told his son he needed to obtain a formal education. Callum later joined the College de la Franc for 8 years and earned a PhD in National Security.

Depression hits many people, and that includes Callum, who collapsed on the inside and needed to feel a purpose in life. For several years, Callum was part of an underground universal mafia syndicate running out of Planet Tarva. He experimented and did many things he regrets doing, such as hard drugs and hard crime. His gang was launched into a large gang war with a gang of alien lobster men. Callum, feeling strategic, successfully took the gang down from the inside whilst wearing a fake lobster suit to mend his way through. After this, some paperwork got messed up and he was named Emperor of the Lobster Kingdom. Callum served for 3 years before he got hungry and ate one of his advisors and started a mass revolution. He left the planet in secrecy on horseback one night, after making love to a French woman.

While sleeping in a cave one night on a strange planet that smelled like cinnamon buns, which Callum prized very much, he awoke hearing strange gurgling noises. He looked around to find a naked man lying dead in a field covered in peanut butter. He went to the city to report the incident. However, it turns out the planet was ruled by evil worm monsters. Callum fought the Worm King in the palace, who shot at him with a beam and stole his underwear. Angrily, Callum fought the Worm King naked for 7 days straight. In the end, he shoved a sword through the King and ripped him in half and his guts went everywhere. Callum found them to be quite delicious. He got his underwear back and left the planet.

Callum was travelling space, when he encountered an old man that gave him magical powers, including omnipotence and granted a blue arrow on his head. However, his powers got the best of him when he accidentally ripped a hole in spacetime and fell into a strange world of forests and pixie dust. He lived here for 6,000 years and married a chimpanzee woman named Hulga and had several children. However, the government was overran by an evil King. Callum trained and obtained the Triforce, and used it to defeat the monkey king and save the 5th dimension after a long heroic battle on the back of 2-headed dragons. He then returned to the universe.

### Chancellor of Earth and the Empire - Universal Revolution

Over the next few hundred years, Callum would live through the years of the Z-Fighters and the early Lookout Crew. He would serve as a military official on many planets and have many strange adventures/encounters. Callum returned to and became infatuated with Planet Earth once again in Age 1092. He became friends with Emperor Kuzon Jr. of the Great Empire and was promoted to an official position. During the Herulean War in 1100, Callum helped develop technology. He became General of the Military in 1107.

During the Great Universal Revolution, on 22 April 1116, the Chancellor of Earth Ocarin was assassinated. Everyone mourned. KJ took several days to make a decision for whom would succeed him. On 28 April, he officially named Callum Hawthorne, Chancellor of Earth & the Great Empire, second-in-command under the Emperor himself. Callum accepted kindly and quickly began developing strategies. He planned for the Supersystem to "come down willingly".

For the next 9 years, Callum led nearly all major universal battles, traveling the universe doing so. He was not much of a social or man of politics, but a prodigy in warfare, and despite being Chancellor of Earth, rarely being on it. In 1120, when KJ resigned as King, Callum was a possible candidate for successor as newly established President of Earth, but was declined. He was too busy anyway.

The war ended in 1125 and Callum resorted back to Earth, where he assisted Emperor KJ and the new President Mordecai Torrin. He became very bored as usual, and realized he was not much a people-person. Going against KJ's precedent to not use clones to do work, as it is not genuine, he created a clone that would go off and do other-worldly affairs, but his real self would stay on Earth. He believed this was a loophole. He was succeeded by the esteemed Andrew Erdwin, a congressman who Callum despised, as he 'looked at him with a crazy eye, the eye of the Red Eagle'.

### Later life

Callum soon decided that his time on Earth as over, as everyone he knew was dead, by Age 1146, a year after Emperor KJ finally died. He resigned on April 28, after exactly 30 years as Chancellor. He went off to other planets to help lead militaries and be Chancellors to other planets 'who needed him'. His legacy was well-established not only on Earth, but across the universe. In Age 1500, he visited Earth once again and met the new generation Lookout Crew.