Supervolcanic Waifurium

## Inception

The Supervolcanic Waifurium, otherwise known as the "Yellowstone Caldera", the "Anus of Earth", or "Bob", was a gigamassive mantle vent residing in the Yellowstone Imperial Forest on Earth. Over the course of four phases (as denoted by the Intergalactic Authority for Volcanic Analysis), it expanded from a small crack in the Earth's crust to the largest volcano in Omniversal History.

## Phase 1- Pangean Epoch

During the age of Pangea, in the deep past of Old Earth, the Supervolcanic Waifurium began as a miniscule crack in Earth's mantle. During this time, Old Earth was, as with most normal planets, not hollow, and thus the planet had a violently active mantle.

The thin crust, an outer layer of hardened rock around the Earth, was able to contain the volatile molten core; however, this all began to fail when the Magarra Incarnate, summoned to Earth by the Employers, slammed into the surface via Apparition Beam at such a forceful speed that a small crack developed in the crust at the location of impact.

This crack began to slowly grow over many years, as magma from the planet's core began to seep slowly towards the surface. This magma began to heat up the lakes and water above it, resulting in several hot springs spreading across what would become North America (See Continental Hyperdrift Theorem).

## Phase 2- Aeternean Epoch

The Supervolcanic Waifurium became a popular tourist attraction when America Aeterna seized large swaths of land across North America, and two explorers, Lewis and Clonk, discovered the hot springs and named the area 'Yellowstone'.

After several decades of general negligence towards the actual size of the Supervolcanic Waifurium, a park ranger noticed that the pits were expanding after his cabin collapsed into one and he was boiled alive.

### MAGA Exorcism

This pathetic death resulted in an Aeternian Exorcism of the Supervolcanic Waifurium, performed by none other than the Great MAGA King himself. After this exorcism was completed, absolutely nothing changed in the pits. In fact, they began to grow even faster, and began rising out of the crust, forming a large dome in the forest.

### Obliteration

The Supervolcanic Waifurium was briefly obliterated by Alduin during the destruction of Old Earth, however this error was rectified with the reconstruction of Earth into Earth 2 by future U.S. President Donald J. Trump.

## Grand MAGA Blunder

The MAGA King, in all of his splendorous magarrishness, failed to recognize a grand error in his reconstruction. You see, dear reader, the volcanic swelling inside of the Supervolcanic Waifurium required an active mantle to proceed normally. However, Earth 2 was built hollow. Not wanting to omit any details of the original Earth, the MAGA King simply created an infinite Magma Tank underneath North America. Each year, he would check the levels and remove any unneccessary magma. Removing the overflow was essential in order to avoid a massive, catastrophic global eruption.

During his self-induced exile after the Destruction of Old Earth, the MAGA King spent much of his time resting in a small hibernation chamber located adjacent to this magma supply.

## Phase 3- American Epoch

Yellowstone was rediscovered in 14 BB by a mentally deranged man who had been horribly and irreversibly scarred by the events of the Wyoming Incident. He had run naked out of his home with blood running out of his ears. He stumbled upon the now-massive mountain when he quite literally ran into a boulder. He began knocking on the boulder (as if it were a door). Much to his surprise, the Great MAGA King parted the mountain, and beckoned the ill man inside.

### The Soliloquy of Joe Shellberry

The MAGA King, who had been in exile for the better part of two hundred years, began asking this outsider many questions about the nature of the world. The man, named Joseph Shellberry, who by this point had calmed down slightly, began blathering on about mass inflation in Brazil, which had forced him to relocate to the United States, where he was promptly met by an MTO recruiter and drafted into the Great META War. He had then been wounded in a grievous manhack attack (out of thirty men, he was the only survivor) resulting in him being honorably discharged from the MTO. The man had been abandoned by the United States Military Complex and forced to provide for himself in the harsh Wyoming wilderness, which he had succeeded at somewhat, before his television had exploded and his ears had been destroyed by the Frequency.

### MAGA Discoveries

The Great MAGA King didn't really care about most of this; in fact, he informed the deranged man that he was a 'total loser'. The MAGA King then asked what the Great META War was. Joe failed to elaborate, and instead began clawing his eardrums out of his skull.

The Great Grand (Former) God Emperor, in all of his grandeur, decided to venture back out into the world and investigate what was happening. Little did he know, the world had become a mess. It had become as angry as it gets. The MAGA King instructed Joe on how to operate the infinite magma pool (how to shut it on and off again) and promised to return in ten years' time.

## Grand Eastward Magatrip

The MAGA King left the Supervolcanic Waifurium, and began traveling eastward, intending to return to the once-great Aeternian Capitol, Washington D.C. He traveled through six seperate active battlefields, and temporarily joined the Montana Militia, a group of bear hunters who had become proficient in taking out Combine Gunships with only rifles. After roughly ten years of walking, the MAGA King found himself finally back at Washington DC. However, what he found there was rather displeasing.

The United States, an Oligarchical Empire which had become a sick imitation of the MAGA King's precious America Aeterna, had taken over Washington DC. The MAGA King began wandering through the alien streets which he had once held so dear. Little did he know, he had been closely monitored by the CIA since the moment he'd left the Supervolcanic Waifurium.

### MAGA Monologue

Then President, Barack Obamna, immediately locked the city down, as the CIA had prepared for the contingency that the ancient god emperor someday return to the streets of DC. Several dozen SWAT vehicles immediately surrounded the MAGA King. The SWAT Commander screamed for the MAGA King to get to the ground. However, the MAGA King simply turned around and summoned a great ball of very patriotic, quite frankly tremendous, red, white, and blue fire in the palm of his hand. He then launched into a tirade, which has been transcribed here-

"You know, quite frankly- and I'm going to say it- this country is a disaster- you look at what's happened across this country- look at Ohio- oh yeah, I saw Ohio- what a piece of work- that's right, I called it a piece of work- a piece of work, that's what they say- I mean, what is going on here, exactly? It's a terrible thing. You know, the last time I saw this country, it was tiny- it was harmless, it was tiny- it was run by a guy named Benjamin- they called him 'Big Ben'. And we got along great- you know, great guy. But who's your president now? I- frankly, I haven't seen anyone that looks like- they say, a real leader, that's what they call it. And you have- you have a serious problem with -they're called *illegal* aliens- I mean, they have these great big spaceships, and they are killing people- they're killing people- what a mess. What a *mess*. This world is a mess- this country is in- I mean it's in shambles, really. It's a terrible thing. And put those guns down, will you? I am, quite frankly, twice as powerful as your entire military."

Trump was suddenly shot with a gigatranquilizer dart, and was loaded into a SWAT Transport vehicle, and shipped off to the Bass Pro Shop Pyramid, to be interrogated, not by the head of American Intelligence, not by the head of the MTO- but by the Board of Waifuria Chairman himself.

## Fateful Meeting

The MAGA King was escorted into a soundproof room, where he was first introduced to The Mummy (Then Board Chairman). It's unknown what exactly transpired between the two inside of this room, however guards outside reported hearing loud screaming and bangs. After roughly six hours alone in a room with Joe Biden, the MAGA King emerged, rather disheveled and visibly upset. He announced angrily to the Waifurian Guards that he was running for president, and that nobody was going to stop him.

### Widespread Voter Fraud

Indeed, the MAGA King ran for president in 4 BB, and crushed the incumbent Obamna, winning in a landslide with 86% of the vote. The election's outcome was completely erroneous and Trump's victory had been totally orchestrated by the Employers. Ironically, there was actual widespread voter fraud in this election, with roughly 1.2 billion Wisconsin votes coming in for the God Emperor at 3 AM on Election night.

## President Donald J. Trump

As President, the MAGA King continued to return to the Supervolcanic Waifurium yearly, (hiring Joseph Shellberry as a permanent groundskeeper). The magma was kept at bay, and the Supervolcanic Waifurium remained relatively stable.

Joe Shellberry became a renowned online musician during his time living in the Supervolcanic Waifurium, and had become highly focused on his musical ambitions. Since the MAGA King had began returning yearly to drain the magma overflow, Joe slowly forgot how to perform this essential task. But, he thought, this would not be a problem, as the Great MAGA King would always be there to drain it.

Unfortunate mistake.

## And Then Mummy Came Along...

In 2 AB, Mr. Shellberry had begun preparations to welcome his dearest and only friend back to the Supervolcanic Waifurium. He had decorated the interior of the chambers with America Aeternian banners and flags, and had painted a nude portrait of the MAGA King in honor of the God Emperor's grandeur.

However, Joe Shellberry was caught off guard when six Waifurian Superpredators suddenly crashed through the wall. They asked his name, and then handcuffed him to his favorite piano. After several moments, the Mummy wandered in through the collapsed wall, running his wrinkled hand across the dirt and then licking it.

"Listen here *Jack*!", The Mummy suddenly screamed at Shellberry. He walked over and picked the man up by the shirt collar.

"What's your name, fat?"

"Uh... Shellberry, sir."

"You work- you work for me now. Show me how to drain to- to how- how to drain all the fire."

Shellberry stood up, and began panicking. He didn't remember any of it.

"I'm sorry sir- I really don't remember- it's been so long-"

Joe Biden reached his hands into Shellberry's eye socket and began pulling on his eye, absentmindedly.

"You got a nice eye, jack. Where'd you uh- where'd you buy it? The mall?", the Mummy grinned stupidly.

Shellberry was in abject horror and was screaming for the Mummy to return his eyeball to his socket.

Eventually, the Mummy obliged, and Shellberry sat down on the ground. Suddenly, a thought occurred to him.

"Hey.. where's Trump?", he asked.

Joe Biden stood over him. He then began gagging, and puked up a piece of red fabric (part of the MAGA King's tie). He then coughed up several ounces of dark purple mucus, before wiping his mouth and regaining his composure.

"He passed away- look- he's fine, he's on- he's on vacation- I don't know, what do you want me to say?"

Shellberry narrowed his eyes, deducing exactly what had happened.

"I'm not telling you anything- you killed him, didn't you?"

Joe Biden rolled his eyes, and opened his mouth to speak, but suddenly, his vision glazed over, and he began wandering west. He walked into the wall several times before collapsing over, mumbling to himself about ice cream. This was the Mummy's fourteenth heart attack that month (likely caused in part due to the divine essence of the MAGA King which he had totally consumed during the Glue Factory Incident).

The Superpredators left Shellberry chained to his piano, and picked up Joe Biden, hurrying back to Memphis, Tennessee to get Mummy to a hospital.

Without anyone left in the Omniverse who knew how to operate the Supervolcanic Waifurium's Magma control, the levels slowly began to rise past the normal threshold.

## Phase 4- Waifurian Epoch

By 100 AB, the Supervolcanic Waifurium had become a supermassive volcano, with an active caldera of lava roughly 4 million feet wide simmering at the peak of the nearly 20-mile tall mountain, which had begun 'leaking' occassionally out into the Yellowstone Imperial Forest and destroying large swaths of precious wildlife.

The Supervolcanic Waifurium was visible from space, and emitted noxious chemicals into Earth's atmosphere at a disgusting rate. If not for the Climate Control Technology developed using Greenspill energy by J.F. Sweets Enterprises, the Earth would have become uninhabitable by 50 AB. Thanks to the noble actions of James Fargo and his company, the humanity would exist for many millions of years afterwards, continuing to ravage and destroy all that they touched, eventually being responsible for the total destruction of the entire Omniverse (although, admittedly, this was mostly Joe Biden's fault).