I Don't Know How Much Longer We Have

Here you are, in my arms. Dried blood caked around your dry lips, cheeks damp from the tears streaming down your face. Down my face. I can see your bottom lip quivering. Is it from fear or sorrow? From anger or nostalgia? Maybe it’s just shock. I wouldn’t know -- high school never prepared me for this. Your light brown hair is tangled and dusty, like an old mop. Maybe when we’re out of this I can braid it for you. I’ve braided hair before, but I could never really get the hang of it. Maybe you could show me how. Are you feeling comfortable? Do you need me to move? I would get you a drink but we’re trapped. If we weren’t trapped I could find help. We could go to the old burger shop a few blocks away and order off the secret menu. My favorite was the chili burger; not quite like Tom’s Burgers, but it had a little bit of spice to it. I think you liked the BBQ burger, right? Or was it the bacon burger? I’m not sure now.

Even if I was able to get us out of here, what difference would it make? I would rather stay here with you for eternity. I would stay here until the land is swallowed by the ocean, until our mother Earth dies. Until everything we know and love vanishes before our very eyes and all we can do is sit and watch. Because we’re trapped. Trapped. Even if you never acknowledged my existence, I was crazy about you. The glances you would give me as we passed each other in the hallway made me melt inside. I tried to make it obvious that I would do anything for you. Did you get any of my letters in 4th period? Did you get my friend request on Facebook? Did they tell you I went to every football game just to see your cheerleader routine? I already knew how it would go; they would boost you up to the top, above all the others, and wave at the crowd before hopping back down to the Earth. You messed up a few times in practice, but you were never hurt. If you were hurt in anyway, I would’ve stepped in. I would’ve gotten off the bleachers and confronted the coach. How could you let my sunshine get hurt? How could you?

That boy you were always with. I wonder what happened to him in all of this? Did he make it out alright? Or is he helplessly pinned under debris, sobbing and spewing blood? Is he trapped like us? I would love to see him struggle. I want him to experience the pain I endured for you. The afterschool beatings. The counseling. The restraining order. That hurt me. It felt like someone stuck their hand down my throat and crushed my heart. Why would you put me through that? Why would you deny our love? I’m angry. It’s frustrating not being able to see the only one you care about. They were only threats; I would never harm you. Maybe the boy; but only to protect you. I want the best for you. That’s why we're here. Trapped.

Are you even there anymore? I know you can hear me whispering into your ear. I know you can remember the letters I sent you. Your beautiful eyes… what are they staring at? I never realized how little you blink. Your eyes are as pretty as the moon and the sun. I could stare at them forever. Luckily, we have forever. We have eternity down here, as long as I still have the key with me. As long as that door is still locked. It’s only for the best. Are you feeling sleepy? What do you dream about? It’s probably about family. About friends. They wonder where you are. They wonder where the boy is. Sometimes I dream about the beach. I dream about the water shimmering under the sun, the pale sand between my toes. It always ends before I get into the water, though. I don’t know why. Isn’t that odd? Isn’t it? I’m glad we are opening up to each other. I never realized how shy you are. How come you don’t talk? How come your breath is so soft?

Let's talk about something else. How about the holidays? What do you do for Christmas? For Halloween? No, wait, let me go first. Halloween, I used to dress up as a skeleton. Don’t you remember seeing me in that skeleton suit? Over the years it got a bit tight, but it was nothing. I knew you loved it. My favorite year was when you dressed up like a policeman. You were going to the party on my block. I saw you out the window, I waved, but you didn’t see. I should’ve said something. My bad. You looked so mature in that uniform; something about the handcuffs on your belt and the length of your shorts. Your ponytail. I couldn’t sleep that night after seeing you. I just wanted to stare at your beautiful face. But now I can. I can stare all I want. It’s a bit dirty. I think it makes you look a bit silly.

There’s a knock at the door. Someone is here to rescue us. I look up through the darkness at the wooden door. They can’t be here already. We can’t be getting rescued yet! We can’t! I’m scared. You are scared, too. Right? What will they say about us? We haven’t been trapped for that long, right? I don’t know how long we’ve been here. I haven’t shaved in awhile, actually; the mustache that you love so much has been around for awhile. It usually takes two or three weeks for that to grow out. On another hand, we are running low on food supply. We’ve been out of water for awhile now. We can’t be trapped down here for much longer. I refuse to leave you here, trapped. I will be trapped with you.

They are trying to take the door down. They really want to rescue us now. The loud noises scare me. I jump a bit every time they hit the door. You don’t react at all. Were you always this brave? I always use to urinate in my pants because I was scared. I’m not as scared anymore, but you’re so brave you don’t even flinch. I wish I could be as brave as you.

It won’t be much longer till we’re rescued. I don’t want to be rescued.

I don’t know how much longer we have, but I just want to say I love you. I have always loved you. Don’t forget that. Words cannot express what I feel for you. Just believe it when I say that I love you.