How to Get Great Art and Good Tables (Summary)

Introduced by Fiddler and House Band Craig Eastman, Adam and Paula interview Luke Mckingley on the topic of Restaurantering, and Dr. Jennifer Greenhille on the topic of Modern Art.

## 'How to Get Great Art and Good Tables'

### Air date

December 2018

* Adam reveals that a previous expert guest, (who was asked to calculate how much time Paula Poundstone would spend fumbling with trash bags whose ends are indistinguishable from one another assuming she lives to eighty), has contacted them, revealing that the actual figure is approximately 12 hours a *year,* rather than twelve hours total. Paula, of course, knew he was incorrect.
* On the topic, Adam reveals they themselves have *also* made mistakes over the course of their show. As such, the cast has wisely elected to include a 'Corrections Department' segment, in which they offer corrections on previous episodes, including the following:
	+ In episode #11, Paula claims that, as a vegetarian, she would be forced to eat a Caeser Salad. A listener has pointed out that a Caeser Salad contains anchovies. Paula points out that, since her idea of a Caeser salad consists entirely of limp romaine lettuce, she was, in fact correct.
	+ Another listener has pointed out that Paula regularly claims Butterfinger Candies contain Nougat, which they do not. Adam suggests that he pointed this out from the beginning. Paula immediately concedes that this is correct, despite Adam claiming the same for the previous two weeks. In future episodes, Paula continues to claim this is the case regardless.
	+ In episode #14, Adam Felber declared a manhole as an 'Ohm-Hole,' in French. Adam wrongly insists that he was joking, given that the word 'hole' is English.

* Subsequently, Paula and Adam Interview maitre d,' Luke McKingley on the topic of seating resteraunt guests.

> *"If you want a good table at a resteraunt, you have to know what you want, because 'good' is subjective: be specific. For example, when you're being seated at Denny's, you might say, 'Can I get the first table on the Left by the Window, at Providence?' Another way to get a good table is to wear a huge honkin' watch with a hundred-dollar bill wrapped around it. Don't order the Ohm-Hole at the Providence anyways, because it's not a French resteraunt. Listen, you're probably not going to get a free meal, so just eat your pumpkin seeds, bring your own scissors to cut your own big kale, and bring a credit card!"*
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* Next, Paula and Adam interview Dr. Jennifer Greenhille on the topic of Modern Art and art restoration, in which Paula reveals the masturbatory habits of Charles Shulz. Subsequently, Paula summarizes her advice as follows:

> *"Art is art if an artist says it's art, which really opens things up! Representational vomit in a museum is art. Real vomit in a museum is often a reaction to ejaculatory Jackson Pollock Art. Artists like the guy who put the decomposing cow head with the maggots who turn into flies and get zapped behind the plexiglass, are defamiliarizing the world. That's a thing! Defamiliarizing the world. Which means, if you were to take the 'You are here' arrow on the map at the mall, and moved it to where you are not, you'd be a god-damned artistic genius!"*
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