Weng Weng: The Impossible Kid

"*Tonight's feature contains bad acting, bad dubbing, Filipino slap fighting and a lot of guys running around in Hawaiian shirts.*"
—Mr. Lobo

## Weng Weng: The Impossible Kid

### Secret message

"15-7-1-1-25 ~ 13-11-14 ~ 18 ~ 20-3-17-14 ~ 5-8-23-16-18-14"

It's a horror host crossover for the ages, unless something goes horribly wrong!

### Wraps

**Wrap 1**

Mr. Lobo explains that he's facing pressure from sponsors (#SponsoredNotSponsored) to participate in a crossover with fellow horror host and musician, Slob Zombie. (This is a veiled reference to famous movie director, Rob Reiner.) And to make matters worse, tonight's feature, a munchkin spy film made in the Philippines, smells like "thrown-up hot dog and hard boiled eggs" (which, according to The Queen of Trash, is the scent of rancid lumpia -- we're learning about other cultures already!). And, wouldn't you know it, Slob's running late! I guess they don't call him "Slob" for nothing! (It's not short for "Slobert".)

**Wrap 2**

Mr. Lobo is aghast at what he's seen of *Weng Weng: The Impossible Kid* so far, apologizing and even calling into question his famous credo, "they're not bad movies -- just misunderstood!" Desperate for answers, Mr. Lobo puts out an APB on Slob Zombie. And then goes to commercial.

**Wrap 3**

Mr. Lobo is on the phone, pleading to show something else since Slob Zombie, selector of *Weng Weng: The Impossible Kid* for tonight's movie, isn't there. There's also an unexplained luchador. And now please bow your free will for the Insomniac's Oath.

**Wrap 4**

Mr. Lobo is apologetic about tonight's movie, but rightly lays the responsibility on Slob Zombie. The Queen of Trash agrees (in her way), and presents Mr. Lobo with a newly arrived video tape! "Watch now, from King Kobra," says the scrawled label. Mr. Lobo and the Queen reminisce about a loose GI Joe reference before starting the video.

**Wrap 5**

It's a RANSOM TAPE! Mr. Lobo thinks King Kobra, leader of a worldwide crime syndicate, looks familiar when he pulls up his hood to take a bong hit, revealing that he's Slob Zombie. Pizza, beer, chocolate chip cookies, Red Vines, a Bob Marley CD...Mr. Lobo's taking down his demands, but has to get back to the movie.

**Wrap 6**

The Queen of Trash is securing the munchies and beer ransom, the hostage drama of which Mr. Lobo admits is more interesting than the film. In the meantime Mr. Lobo is poring over his dossier on Weng "Mighty Mite the Love Machine" Weng, whom he's discovered is actually a pretty interesting character! (I will not be recording his findings here for liability reasons.)

**Wrap 7**

Mr. Lobo has received another tape, this one from Slob Zombie himself, pleading for Mr. Lobo to comply with King Kobra's demands. Mr. Lobo doesn't really care, though, so it's back to the movie!

**Wrap 8**

Maybe it's the stress of Slob's dilemma, but Mr. Lobo seems to be getting into *Weng Weng: The Impossible Kid* a little more now! He's having fun tracing all the similarities between it and the James Bond series, and even briefly fantasizes about Richard Kiel starring in a future entry! But then he ruins it for himself by imagining a bitten penis. Commercial break!

**Wrap 9**

Mr. Lobo's starting to think Slob Zombie's kidnappers aren't what they appear, after going over a list of other Weng Weng movies they demand as ransom. Sounds dubious! Now it's Weng time!

**Wrap 10**

Snack Bar Segment! The Queen of Trash has been out hunting for the "magic brownies" demanded by the kidnappers, and IKEA called the cops on her. It takes a village to free a hostage, *IKEA!* So Mr. Lobo's going to venture to make them himself with the help of a recipe he found online, and a bag of fresh lawn trimmings. That's our Lobo! I have to admit, crab grass boiled with butter doesn't sound too bad. Through he magic of television, the brownies are done, and Mr. Lobo tops it off with a Yu-Gi-Oh card garnish (he saves the Magic cards for company). I'll leave comments open on this page so Yu-Gi-Oh fans can post their threatening messages.

**Wrap 11**

Mr. Lobo recaps the situation, and his dripping, venomous contempt for tonight's film, following the intermission. And now back to that movie!

**Wrap 12**

Insomniac Mail Sac! Uh oh! It's a letter from the kidnappers! We don't know what it said, but Mr. Lobo is crying now.

**Wrap 13**

Mr. Lobo announces his intention to proceed with the Reel 7 Girl segment, because "otherwise, the terrorists win." It's the Pee-Nut Sisters (also known as the Pee-Nut Fairy Twins)! They're very graphic about their macrophilia. I looked that up just for you. So now I know what it's called. For this. And so do you. Back to the movie!

**Wrap 14**

Mr. Lobo uses the term "macrophiliacs," which means I could have just kept watching and not compromised my browser history. Live and learn and love. Mr. Lobo has escaped the lascivious Pee-Nut Sisters, but found another ransom note! Nearly overwhelmed in his ravaged state, Mr. Lobo throws to commercial break.

**Wrap 15**

Mr. Lobo is wearing a scarf and doing a Weng Weng impression, allegedly to comply with the new ransom note. (We didn't see the ransom note, so we can't be sure.) Depressed and humiliated, Mr. Lobo simply walks away. The movie's still here, though.

**Wrap 16**

Mr. Lobo tells a dad joke while opening a mysterious new package that's just arrived. Another video tape! Mr. Lobo shudders to think what's on it while we watch some commercials.

**Wrap 17**

It's King Kobra again! And he removes his hood to reveal that he's none other than Slob Zombie! Mr. Lobo's almost figured it out! And now the conclusion of tonight's feature.

**Wrap 18**

And just as that mystery comes to a close, Mr. Lobo receives yet another video tape of ransom demands, this time from Queen Kobra. I'm pretty sure it's the Queen of Trash though. THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT!

### Ads

* **British Leyland**, "MG Midget" automobile
* **Outer Space International**, OSI 74 (available on OSI 74)
* **Unsports 74** on OSI 74
* **OSI 74** T-Shirt (available on the OSI 74 shop)
* **Hasbro**, GI Joe "Serpentor" action figure (with Air Chariot!)
* **The Kustomonsters** on OSI 74
* **Anhauser Busch**, King Kobra brand malt liquor (with Fred Williamson!)
* **Kung Fu Fridays** on OSI 74
* **Movie of the Week!** on OSI 74
* **Sominex** sleep aide
* **Post**, Honeycomb cereal (with Andre the Giant!)
* **P.O.S.E.R. Championship Wrestling** on OSI 74
* **Sgt. Slaughter's** sgtslaughter.com (now defunct)
* **Here Lies** with Eddie Spuhghetti on OSI 74
* **Sears** Super Spy Attache Case toy
* **Jollibee** fast food restaurants
* "Rad" Abrams, *Skate Board Attorney!*
* **Parker Brothers** Loop-A-Lot game
* **Sleazy Pictures After Dark** season 1 on DVD (also on OSI 74)
* **Foamy Cartoons** Patreon
* **Shasta** orange soda (starring Frankenstein, Tom Bosley, and Piglet)
* **Got Milk?** (Aaron Burr shot Alexander Hamilton.)
* **Trash Night** on OSI 74
* **Here Lies** with Eddie Spuhghetti on OSI 74 (again)
* **Captain Spaulding's Museum of Monsters and Madness** (Exit 13 off Route 1 at Ruggsville)

### Trailers

* *Dr. No* (1962)
* *For Y'ur Height Only* (1981)

### Shorts

* Mr. Lobo at Heritage Kickboxing in Union City, California

### Cast

* Mr. Lobo...Mr. Lobo
* Miss Mittens...Herself
* The Queen of Trash...Sara Dunn
* Slob Zombie...Strephon Taylor/Mike Quebec (according to IMDB and this episode's credits, respectively)
* King Kobra...as Himself?

### Quotes

"*Cinema Insomnia loudly resents reel one of tonight's motion picture,* Weng Weng: The Impossible Kid*.*"
—Mr. Lobo
"*You don't want to get Jaws anywhere near Weng Weng.*"
—Mr. Lobo
"*We love big, tall, giant men. We want to climb them like a tree fort and get lost in the cavernous folds of their back fat. We want to take a wee nap in their warm, moist armpit.*"
—The Pee-Nut Sisters
"*Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen! I thought we sprayed for macrophiliacs.*"
—Mr. Lobo

### Trivia

Weng Weng movies on King Kobra's ransom list:

* *License to Weng*
* *The Weng Who Loved Me*
* *Live and Let Dwarf*
* *You Only Weng Twice*
* *On Her Mini-Me's Secret Service*
* *From Weng Weng With Love*
* *Wengfinger*
* *Octopussy*

## *The Impossible Kid*

### Cast

Weng Weng
Romy Diaz

### Runtime

92 minutes

The third entry in the Filipino spy-action-sploitation series starring Weng-Weng, the action superstar with primordial dwarfism.

1. ↑ https://www.google.com/search?q=%22is+slob+short+for+slobert%22
2. ↑ https://www.patreon.com/jimathers