Phaethon

*April 24, 2020*

The lights had mostly gone out in the suburban neighbourhood. The moonlight and a singular streetlamp left the two boys on the rooftop a faint silhouette against a particularly starry night. They had taken more than a few blankets up and had set them down as bedding. Firmly nestled together under these blankets, their evening up to this point had been light rambling stories and occasional silent observation of the stars.

It was after one such ramble about how Triangulum was ‘totally’ a valid name for a constellation that Kurt decided to broach a topic that they had been thinking about all night. They turned onto their side to face Ernest, a slight smile still lingering as their voice came out slow and deliberate. “Hey, I don’t really know how to say this but I’d like some help with my powers. I want to test how much energy my body can take in. Your lightning would be perfect for that…”

Ernest had been watching the motion of Kurt’s voice more closely than the stars for some time. The splashes and lines of lime green, just a bit brighter than their eyes, stood out against the night sky and traced out constellations of their own. When Kurt faced him, he shifted onto his side as well.

Kurt’s words conjured flashes of images and echoes of sky blue screams. Familiar ones, but jarring as ever – perhaps more since they came to mind less often in the months after Timothy moved back to New York. Ernest closed his eyes before speaking quietly. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I know you’ve seen me fight with my lightning before, but I’m always making sure to hold it back. If I lost control or you couldn’t absorb it quickly enough… I could really hurt you.”

Kurt grimaced, knowing he had said something hurtful. They didn’t want to drop this, however, as it was important. “I get that. I just don't have anything safer. I understand that it is a very scary thing to ask of you. It’s just that you are far safer, far more controlled than a mission situation.” Kurt looked down and to their side at where their arm was. He paused and bit his lip. “I hurt myself last time I took in too much energy.”

They slid out from the blankets and pulled back the sleeve of their sweater. There was a dull purple-ish series of interconnected lines and dots scarred into Kurt’s forearm. “This happened when I absorbed most of a huge plume of fire in Zodiac. Like building-sized fire. On that mission where Cypher, Cardinal, and I blew up a secret laboratory. I hid it from you, I don’t have that much control over these powers yet and I didn’t want you to be scared of me getting hurt. I just don’t want to feel overwhelmed like that again.”

Ernest opened his eyes, sitting up to see why Kurt had moved. For a second he saw a different type of scar on their arm – light pink, branching into smaller and smaller versions of the same pattern. The vision faded quickly, but the idea of being the one to cause such scars on Kurt lingered. Of realizing too late that he’d gone too far, of hurting someone who trusted him again…

*Breathe.* Ernest managed to pause the spiral of thoughts before they could summon a whirlwind strong enough to hurl the two of them off the roof. He traced a finger lightly over the marks on Kurt’s skin. “I’m sorry that you got hurt. And I do want to help you learn how to use your powers better, but…” *Not like this. Not with lightning. Not right now.* “Can we talk about it some other time?”

Ernest’s expression gave Kurt a momentary pang of guilt. *Should have known better than to push. Especially around this.* They gave a slight nod taking Ernest’s hand away from their scars and into both of their hands. “I understand and am sorry. We can talk about it later.” *Push it away, Kurt.* “So, uh well-named constellations, right?” Kurt hazily stares off and up into the darkness filled with starlight. “Telescopium is a *really* great name and totally wasn’t lazy in any way. Unfortunately you can’t see it in the northern hemisphere but it does really bring into *focus* astronomical naming conventions.”

Ernest pulled a blanket from the pile and wrapped it around both of their shoulders. He gave Kurt’s hands a gentle squeeze and rested his head against their shoulder, looking out in the same direction. *I’ll explain what happened eventually. It doesn’t have to be right now. We’ve got time.* He pointed to a dim patch of stars just above the tip of the Halcyon Needle. “Tell me about that one?”

*April 25, 2020*

The park bench was a relief as Kurt flopped back onto it facing towards the twilight sky. *Why does everything about time travel have to hurt?* He fiddled with the empty space where the top two buttons of his jacket should have been. The few tears in the fencing padding revealed some of the lines that now traced their skin as their fingers found one of the gaps. Kurt hoped that this conversation would go alright especially since this was the first time in a year that he got to see *his* Ernest. *If I can still call him that.* With a blank expression, he pulled out his phone, checking to make sure it was the right bench and the right time.

Kurt hadn’t wanted to say much over the phone, but Ernest could tell he was upset about something, so he made his way to the park where they’d agreed to meet as fast as he could. Ernest noticed that Kurt was wearing their Libra costume, which was beat up, but that wasn’t too unexpected after a mission. What was more confusing was the fact that they weren’t wearing their mask as well. Kurt had always wanted to keep their identity as Libra secret, despite Ernest’s suggestions that it might be better to tell the team. He wasn’t even sure what name to call them by, since either could be incriminating in this situation. “Are you okay? What’s going on?” Ernest asked as he sat next to Kurt.

The boy sat up and slid close to Ernest. “Um, not okay.” Kurt’s chin was covered in more than a day's worth of stubble and as he looked at Ernest his eyes moved with a weighted tiredness. “I used my time powers in the heart of the Zodiac Tree to trap my future self in their time and I fucked up. I got sent to the future, too.” Kurt, paused leaning into Ernest, and was unable to stop himself from sobbing. His voice was shake-y as he built himself up to say what he felt he needed to. “I got stuck there for about a year.”

For a moment all Ernest could do was stare at Kurt, suddenly taking in all the differences in their appearance that he had previously discounted as damage from a mission or a trick of the light. A year’s worth of changes, some subtle, but others more clearly concerning, like what seem to be scars crossing their chest. A million questions raced through Ernest’s mind, but those could wait until Kurt was ready. He wrapped his arms around Kurt, holding him tightly. “You’re back now. You’re safe.”

“I am.” Kurt tucked his head between Ernest’s shoulder and neck obscuring his face. All the weight of the sadness he had held in for a year came rushing forth and he began to sob. He was trying not to be too loud but occasionally a cry would escape his throat and once it started it was hard to stop. Eventually he managed to take in enough long breaths to stop from crying too hard but still thoroughly tucked into Ernest. They spoke quietly, their voice hoarse. “I, uh, guess I should start by saying as you might be able to tell I am not hiding my identity anymore. There’s too much else going on for that to be a thing anymore.”

Ernest hummed what he hoped was a soothing tone as Kurt cried, occasionally rubbing circles on their back, but mostly letting Kurt lean their weight into him. He gently nudged the temperature of the air around them up so that they wouldn’t get cold as the night grew later. When Kurt finally spoke again, Ernest nodded in response. That explained the costume without a mask, at least. “Do you want to talk about what happened? Or, what will happen, I guess?”

“Maybe just a little. Some of it is very hazy and other parts just not there. I think I might’ve messed up something bad on my way back.” They were stammering for time trying to organize their thoughts. *The Fold.* “Okay, so uh, you know Future Kurt? They are a part of this thing called the Fold. Imagine GREY but if it were made up of magical or super-powered oligarchs and they just took over the world with like no decent opposition.” Kurt tried to nestle themselves further into Ernest’s shoulder without much success. Before remembering one more important aspect. “Oh and y’know if they had been founded by a splinter group of the Consortium.”

Ernest had only vaguely heard of GREY before, but he didn’t really care to ask for clarification on that point. He wanted to know what happened Kurt, not about whatever evil group decided they deserved to control everything. Although it sounded like Kurt wasn’t quite sure about what happened themself. “Why did you use your time powers against Future Kurt? Back when I messed with time in the Dataverse, you told me that you worried using time powers would make you become evil. Not that I think that’s necessarily true,” he added hurriedly. “But why did you change your mind?” *Why would you do something that risky?* He managed to keep himself from asking the last question, but he understood a little better why his friends yelled at him after he chased that reaper without them.

“Because I-” *Thought I could only use them once and be a big hero and save everything and not use them again. But that’s not real life is it? Give the real life answer, Kurt.* Kurt pulled away from Ernest and brought his legs on to the bench sheltering his head between them. Their voice came out muffled and soft. “I know I said that, but I thought I could trap him in his time and live out my life in the way I wanted without the pressure of them breathing down my back. Just my own life back, that’s all I wanted. That’s why I took that risk.” Kurt wrapped their arms around their legs. They tensed and untensed their hands in frustration. “I know that’s selfish but he was about to interfere in our plan to protect the Heart of the Tree at the critical point, so I decided maybe I could have both being a hero and being selfish? Maybe I could live a life without all this predestination BS looming over me constantly?”

Ernest knew exactly what that was like, to feel that you had one chance to fix things if you just risked everything right then. His gamble hadn’t ended up costing him much, but Kurt’s had. *It’s not fair. Maybe if I had helped him with his powers, he would have been able to control them better and wouldn’t have gotten stuck in the future. Or have known his limits and not tried in the first place.* He twisted his hands together, unsure what to do with them after Kurt pulled away. “You deserve not to have Future Kurt messing with your life, but you didn’t have to do it all by yourself. I was in Zodiac City when the treequakes were happening. I had so much lightning, I could have done something if I’d known you needed help. I was standing next to a damn time machine!” He hadn’t meant to let the frustration creep into his voice, but he can’t help wishing he could have been there, could have done something to stop Kurt from getting lost in the future.

“This isn’t on you. I know that I don’t have to do everything all by myself, but I always do when it comes to the critical moments. It’s always just me.” Kurt turned out from their legs looking Ernest in the eyes. His face was red from crying and exertion but had a solemn determination. “I want your help. I want the team’s help. Moments like that though you can’t say you’ll be there or even be able to help if you were. I can’t just wait for someone with rainbow lightning to swoop in and save me all the time.” *I wish I could though.* Kurt deflated back into themselves, turning to face straight forward.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Ernest asked incredulously. He would have wondered how Kurt had found out about the rainbow lightning already if it hadn’t been playing on every other new station for the past few hours. “What’s the point of having a team if you think they can’t help you? What’s the fucking point of me being your boyfriend if you don’t trust me to be there for you when it matters?” He didn’t remember standing, but all of a sudden he was, willing Kurt to look at him again.

“I do want help. I said I did. You weren’t listening to me. I want your help. I always do. Why would I call you after all this if I didn’t? Slow down and think about it.” Kurt was standing now too. He didn’t know how he had energy for that, but he was close to Ernest, staring into him before looking away at the ground. All the confrontation was gone from his voice as he spoke again. “Are you my boyfriend? I want you to be, but I did spend a year in the future. So you need to figure out if I am what you want?”

Ernest took an instinctive step back. He wanted to respond right away, but forced himself to think over Kurt’s words again before replying. “Of course I want to be your boyfriend. Why wouldn’t I?” His confidence faltered as he spoke. Maybe Kurt had learned something in the future that called that into question. “I mean, you don’t have to want to just because we were dating before. You might not remember, but it’s not like I’m perfect at this.” *He probably remembered when you yelled at him right after he was crying.* Tears started to well in his eyes, which was ridiculous. He wasn’t the one who’d been stuck alone in the future for a year.

Kurt stepped forward, closing the distance again and putting a hand onto Ernest’s chest. A much more tender look in their eyes. ”I do want to date you. I want your imperfection. I want that soft-hearted headstrong boy that you are. Even if that is a false memory, the point of dating is to get to know someone, right?” Kurt wrapped their arm around Ernest’s waist pulling him closer and into a full hug after a moment. Kurt gave a small coy smile. “Plus, if you still want to as well, I get to brag that my boyfriend has gay lightning.”

Ernest hugged Kurt, wiping his eyes behind the other boy’s back, but pulled away quickly. Kurt still wanted to be his boyfriend, but whether or not Ernest wanted to be theirs was clearly in question. “Yeah. I just have to figure it out, I guess?” *That’s what Kurt said. They wouldn’t have asked me to think about it if it wasn’t important.*

“Oh, uh, right.” Kurt flushed putting their hands firmly into their jacket pockets. *He just needs some time to figure it out. Stop being so pushy.* They sat back on the bench, losing a lot of the focus they had mustered. *I really need a coffee if I am gonna get home.* “Do you still want to hang out and stuff?”

“Yeah, definitely.” Ernest hovered awkwardly next to the bench. He glanced toward Kurt and then away. Surely hanging out would be okay while he determined what it was that made Kurt doubt that Ernest liked them enough to be their boyfriend. And even if they weren’t dating, he’d still want to help them adjust to being back in the present as a friend. “Is it okay if I like, help you get back home?” Walking home with someone was definitely more of a boyfriend thing than a friend thing, but he didn’t want to leave Kurt alone in the park in the middle of the night.

They gave a slow nod to Ernest. Kurt was feeling fairly hazy and brought a hand to their temple trying to push back a headache. “I’d like that.” He didn’t know what he and Ernest were. That scared him but at least things could return to some semblance of normalcy if they were hanging out again. *Maybe one more thing could be normal? It’s worth the risk.* They shakily stood back up. “Uh, if you don’t mind, would you want to hold hands if we’re walking?”

Ernest offered his hand to Kurt, twining their fingers together when they took it. The two spent the trip to Kurt’s house in silence, occasionally leaning against each other and not letting go until Kurt passed through their front door.