Chapter Two

*(At the greenhouse… Avis is planting some flowers that have extremely long and thin stems and seem to be lazily waving themselves around on their own accord…)*

Avis: You mollycoddles sure are bright and beautiful today! ♥ \***he plants the wriggling things in the soil**\*

Vladek: \***walks in, rubbing his head**\*

Avis: Feeling better today, V?

Vladek: Yeah. I just wanna find out what that thing was.

Avis: Maybe it was an ember! From a fire!

Vladek: And the ember followed us all the way to Roxie’s house, then floated upstairs, and chose to ignite just as I was looking at it?

Avis: ...Yeah! \***goes back to planting**\*

Vladek: Whatever. I’m going to scour this entire greenhouse looking for more of those bugs.

Avis: \***scratches his wrist**\* Have a good time. Stay where I can see you.

Vladek: \***rolls his eyes**\* Now let’s see here… \***he takes out his magnifying glass and begins combing the greenhouse, looking for any signs of tiny, metal bugs**\*

*(At the edge of the greenhouse… An ugly, horrific tree that has branches squirming around like a bunch of octopus tentacles makes eerie growling and hissing sounds… Vladek approaches it, but stays at a safe distance…)*

Vladek: Carnivorous Wendy. We meet again. You know that if Avis ever gives me the go ahead, you’ll be firewood in an instant.

Wendy: \***unearthly snarling**\*

Vladek: Yeah, that’s what you always say. See any bugs around here?

Wendy: \***disgusting swallowing**\*

Vladek: Thought so. Well, I’ll be on my way. \***he walks over to a bed of less hostile flowering plants and inspects them**\* Hmm… \***he looks closely at the leaves, where he notices tiny burn marks**\* Is that… From the bug? \***he thinks about the mathilda that Avis gave to Roxie**\* I need to see that mathilda again!

(Over where Avis is working…)

Avis: \***kisses the blossom of one of his flowers**\* Some day, some court will find I have the right to marry every single plant in here! And on the honeymoon, I’m going to *deflower* every last one of you! \***he begins thrusting his pelvis all over the place until he turns around and sees a very confused and slightly horrified Vladek**\* Hey, V! \***stands completely still**\* So uh… Find what you were looking for?

Vladek: Uh… Yeeeeeeaaaaahhh… I need to see that mauve mathilda that you gave Roxie.

Avis: Well, posthaste. \***Vladek leaves as Avis goes back to obsessively thrusting his pelvis**\*

(At Roxie’s cube… Vladek politely knocks on the door. It isn’t long before the form of Roxie answers, wearing the exact same clothes she had on the day before, and the same emotionless face to match. Oh, and the weird sunglasses are in the same position…)

Roxie: Hello Vladek Fray.

Vladek: Hello, Miss Martin.

Roxie: Please call me Roxie.

Vladek: Oh? Oh, okay, \***smiles\*** Roxie.

Roxie: \***blank stare**\*

Vladek: Um… Remember that plant that Avis gave you?

Roxie: Yes. I love my mauve mathilda. I named it Drake.

Vladek: How… Cute. Um, I know this may seem weird, but can I see that plant really quick? It’s important for my research.

Roxie: ...Please come in.

Vladek: Thank you.

Roxie: \***turns and walks into the house**\*

Vladek: \***looks at the mathilda, with its squirming tongues, on the coffee table**\* ...Ugh. Why can’t Avis just plant tulips like everyone else?

Roxie: \***sits on her vinyl chair, sipping some kind of hot liquid from a mug**\*

Vladek: \***takes out his magnifying glass and closely looks at the leaves. They have the same burn marks as the plants in the greenhouse**\* Bingo. Burnt leaves are a sign of evidence.

Roxie: What are you looking for exactly, Vladek Fray?

Vladek: Oh, you’ll say I’m crazy. \***puts his magnifying glass away**\* … \***looks at Roxie’s art, then back at Roxie herself**\* Although it’s a sliding scale.

Roxie: \***inserts her tongue into her drink and begins slurping it up**\*

Vladek: Let’s see… I should go look where that thing exploded. \***he runs up the stairs**\*

Roxie: !!! \***she gets up and quickly follows him**\* Vladek Fray?

Vladek: Hm?

Roxie: Please do not go upstairs.

Vladek: Oh… Sorry. Remember last time I was here and I –

Roxie: Avis said you were going to flush your colon.

Vladek: Wha-- Why-- \***sighs**\* No. I saw a strange bug fly up the stairs and-- and-- it exploded!

Roxie: I cannot allow you to go upstairs.

Vladek: It’ll just be for a moment Roxie. I promise.

Roxie: …

Vladek: Uh--

Roxie: I’m pausing. Please do not interrupt.

Vladek: Sorry.

Roxie: …

Vladek: …

Roxie: Tell me more about this bug.

Vladek: I don’t know much about it. But it was… Well, kind of scary. And it was in your mauve mathilda.

Roxie: ...You don’t want to know about those bugs.

Vladek: “Those” bugs? What do you mean? I mean, you’ve… You’ve seen other bugs like them?

Roxie: Yes.

Vladek: Well?! What are they?!

Roxie: …You need to leave now.

Vladek: What? What did I do?

Roxie: \***holds both of Vladek’s hands and carefully walks down the stairs with him, back into the living room**\*

Vladek: Your hands are so cold…

Roxie: Avis has told me many things about you.

Vladek: Good--

Roxie: He believes you are a very good man.

Vladek: Aw, that’s sweet--

Roxie: I believe you are a very good man too. So I trust you. \***she removes her strange sunglasses, showing that she only has one large eye with a purple iris where two eyes would normally be**\*

Vladek: \***screams, but Roxie grips his arm in a death grip; she has claws, and they’re sinking into his skin. Despite him being over two feet taller than her, Roxie keeps him in one place**\* What are you?!

Roxie: \***opens her mouth, which is now full of razor-sharp teeth**\* I’m a monster.

Vladek: I noticed!

Roxie: \***she’s still deadly monotone as she speaks**\* I’m here for one reason, and one reason only: to get rid of Dr. Garfield’s greenhouse.

Vladek: Wh-- Why?!

Roxie: Because the plants do not belong in this world.

Vladek: ...I agree. \***Roxie lets his arm go, and he yanks it back**\*

Roxie: \***blinks her large, graceful eye**\* I know the world they are from. And they threaten to destroy the ecosystem of all life on Earth. \***her hands return to normal as she puts her sunglasses on her face again, once again concealing her eye**\* The small, metallic bugs you see are programmed to slowly destroy the plants of the Garfield Greenhouse. They will do this so slowly that Avis will think his plants are dying of disease. \***an “artistic” pause**\* I do not want to hurt Avis. None of us do.

Vladek: \***fearful**\* “Us?”

Roxie: ...I’ve said too much. Please stop investigating the bugs. They are under control.

Vladek: Wait a minute. I don’t like those plants either. But they’re Avis’s entire life. Isn’t there some way they can exist peacefully on Earth?

Roxie: Do you want the human race to continue to exist, Vladek Fray?

Vladek: Would be nice.

Roxie: Then no. There is no way these plants can co-exist with mankind. Not here.

Vladek: \***curiously takes a step back**\* If you’re not from here… Then why do you care so much about what happens to us?

Roxie: If humans who looked different from you were suffering on another planet, would you want to help them?

Vladek: Well, yeah. But I wouldn’t know how to.

Roxie: But you would want to.

Vladek: Yeah. Um, so why did you call yourself a monster?

Roxie: ...Because I am one.

Vladek: Right. Well, I’m gonna go home and sleep. And then I’m going to try to process what just happened. I’m sure there’s a good therapist around here somewhere.

Roxie: You mustn’t tell Avis about any of this.

Vladek: Don’t you think that if you just explained the dangers to him, he’d *willingly* get rid of the plants?

Roxie: \***blinks**\*

Vladek: ...Yeah, you’re right. I just don’t like keeping this from him… I never keep secrets from Avis. Except for what I did to his goldfish. Please don’t tell him that I ate it during a really bad opium session.

Roxie: Bring me some opium next time you see me.

Vladek: I-- What? No, I’m not going to give you any of our opium! I mean, I’m a good upstanding citizen! I don’t have any opium!

Roxie: Yes you do. That’s how I met Avis.

Vladek: He was your drug dealer?

Roxie: \***blank stare**\*

Vladek: Uh-huh. Tell you what. You tell me more about this conspiracy to destroy the greenhouse and I’ll bring you all the opium you want.

Roxie: It’s a deal.

Vladek: Good.

Roxie: Opium first.

Vladek: \***groans**\* Fine.