2023 Quarter-Final Preview

2023 LMITL Playoff Primer

Written Wed. 12/13/23

Quarter-Final 1

#8 Full Moon Racoons (7-7, T-4th JHC, 2-5 Road) +13

At

#1 Tua TongueMyHolA (9-5, T-1st JHC, 5-1 Home, 2023 Regular Season Champion) -13

To have this spread open at 13 in favor is an insult…to Tua TongueMyHolA. Head coach Triston “Big Paw” Philip has his team firing on all cylinders, boasting the league’s top offense coupled with the 4th best defense. On the other hand Liam Greenan’s Full Moon Racoons are sporting an average team at best, ranking 8th in both offense and defense on the season. Expect another average outing from the Racoons as they get their HolA’s thoroughly tongued.

Prediction: Tua TongueMyHolA

Quarter-Final 2

#7 Berto Patricio (7-7, T-4th JHC, 4-2 Road) -12

At

#2 First Down Syndrome (9-5, 1st BWD, 5-2 Home) +12

Something has to give in this matchup as Rhys Hall’s 3rd ranked offense squares off against Erick Villalta’s top ranked defense. The Berto Patricio’s are opening as 12-point favorites to nobody’s surprise, couple an elite defense that can play on the road and you’ll always have a chance come this time of year. No amount of help from the corrupt commissioner can help First Down Syndrome when the weekend comes.

Prediction: Berto Patricio

Quarter-Final 3

#6 Becky Got Back (8-6, T-2nd BWD, 4-3 Road) +10

At

#3 Deshaun’s Parlor (9-5, T-1st BWD, 5-2 Home) -10

Jack Hinds’ elite defense marches into Deshaun’s Parlor, home of the fighting Deshaun’s Parlor, for a rather non-intriguing matchup. Becky’s Got Back sports the league’s second ranked defense coupled with the 10th ranked offense while Devon Lawrence has his squad sitting top-5 in both categories. Deshaun’s Parlor gutted out consecutive wins to claim a piece of the franchise’s first division title, could that momentum carry over in the playoffs? This writer seems to think so.

Prediction: Deshaun’s Parlor

Quarter-Final 4 (AMERICA’S GAME OF THE WEEK)

#5 Tent City Skeleton Crew (8-6, T-2nd BWD, 4-3 Road) -9

At

#4 15in Choking Hazard (9-5, T-1st BWD, 7-1 Home) +9

You couldn’t find two more different squads if you tried, both on and off the field. Tim Cozens and his Tent City Skeleton Crew come into this game with the second ranked offense paired with a defense that doesn’t exist. Duncan Cozens’ 15in Choking Hazard carries a 3rd ranked defense and the best home record in the league (%-wise). Duncan’s squad is in familiar territory after claiming a piece of his record-setting 6th division title (4th consecutive) as they look to make a deeper run this year after 2022’s 7th place finish.

Morally we know who to cheer for in this one, Tim Cozens run as the league’s commissioner has been laden with corruption and favoritism towards him and his BWD cronies. Duncan, on the other hand, has been an upstanding owner of principals since the founding of the league. Last week Duncan, on the cusp of winning his 4th regular season championship, decided to throw it all away so a balding Make-A-Wish man-child in Boston could feel what it was like to win a game.

Don’t look too deep into Skeleton Crew’s 3 game win streak, they are primed for a let down.

Prediction: 15in Choking Hazard. CHALK