Hatist

—**A masochist**, not knowing that Hatist doesn't like masochists.

 —**A suicidal masochist**, who also doesn't realize.

**Hatist** (pronounced Hatist) is a Wackian Hatterene and a BIG sadist Pokémon. She's from the Wack Region of Canadia, obviously, but Wack is basically the opposite of Canadia. You'd think that she, being Canadian, would be at least a little nice, but no, she is the complete terrible opposite of Canadian; she is an absolutely sociopathic monster (a Pokémonster)... Okay, that's a lie, she has some redeeming qualities, like she is not a slut; she is asexual, and is also friends with Nursebola, who is her only friend, and will be her only friend, ever.

## Wow, she is kinda hot

**STOP.** Don't think about that stuff, you coomer!

Hatist (and every other Wackian Hatterene) looks pretty sexy right? WRONG. Her hair only resembles a sexy and wide hipped, big tiddy women in sexy lingerie, it is NOT actually her true body.

### Wait, is her body actually smol?

Yes, her true body is actually small and contains no tid or wide hips, only a rectangular hit box with arms and legs and a giant head.

### What dat mouth do...

**STOP.**

Her mouth will only bite your peen off!

### That's a lot of hair...

Yes, she can control her hair that resembles a tentacle. Well, actually, her hat is also her hair. Just a fun fact.

### That tentacle hair... it can satisfy me...

**CEASE.**

She'll fricking break your dong if she gets ahold of it! Some guys are into that, unfortunately. Though it is not all wrong; she doesn't satisfy masochists, because it is actually fun for them to be tortured. So, she is, at least, somewhat disindulgent.

### She is pretty cute though...

Yes, Hatterene are some of the cutest Pokémon, ever. In fact, Hatterene is top rated for cuteness in various regions. But the cute exterior of Hatterenes is not a reason to approach them, ever; Hatterene, of all forms, are very dangerous, in fact, Hatterene is top rated for coolness (because being dangerous is cool) in various regions. Hatterene can rip people in half and slash one inch deep into humans with a single swipe. Wackian Hatterene can easily shatter human bones with their tentacles, whip people, and impale people. Hatist has whipped and impaled people and Pokémon, many times.

### ...What? Is she outside the house right now?

Uh... yes. That is intended for our... interview thingy?

### She's smiling at us... It's kind of cute

Yes, the smile of a Hatterene is known to be infectious and a sign of approval of its trainer, but if a Hatterene of the Wackian variety is smiling at you, it is very likely that she wants to torture you and break you down.

### No, I mean, the *other* way.

What other way? Oh. You sicken the cockroaches that dance in your septic chamber that has been heating in the hot sunlight for several years; you should never do that with a Pokémon; you risk getting infected with syphilis!

### It is worth it for the Hatterussy

**NO.** Getting infected is not worth whatever disgusting thing you just said.

### I'LL HAVE CHILDREN WITH HATIST!

**THAT'S PHYSICALLY AND SCIENTIFICALLY IMPOSSIBLE!**

### COME TO DADD-EGH!

Ohp, he's dead. Well, that concludes this dastardly chronicle.

## Torturer Supreme

Hatist is quite the killer; she tortures her victims to death, which is more than most Wackian Hatterene, who keep their victims alive so they can torture them later. A common torture method of hers is to break the legs of the victim because, wise words from Hitler, "If you break your legs, it's hard to cook orangutan." In these cases, "cook orangutan" means run away, and if the victim can't run away, you can easily break their arms, and if you break their arms, they can't fight back, and if they can't fight back, how are they supposed to survive my onslaught?

### Emotional Manipulation

Being a Heart (Emotion)-type and Dark-type Pokémon, she has emotionally manipulative tendencies. Actually, she doesn't have those tendencies because she's a Heart- and Dark-type; she was just born with them. To cure these tendencies, she lures men in by looking sad and lonely or employing "The Soft Moaning Plus Boobs And Butt Technique," where she pretends to be an insanely scandalous and lonely and lustful woman bouncing her "breasts" and shaking her "hips" and "bootylicious."

Hatist is so good at torturing and emotional manipulation, governments tried to get ahold of her to get her to torture their enemies, but they've stopped trying as they've lost to many men to her. "Why don't they send women to get her?" you ask, and the answer is that they have, and it always ends with the woman's quick death with the absence of torture.

## How To Survive Wackian Hatterene For Dummies

1. The best way to survive against a Wackian Hatterene is to never mess with a Wackian Hatterene.
2. Don't fall for their siren calls.
3. Pretend to enjoy the torture.

Against Hatist

1. You have to be lucky enough that she doesn't attack you; you can't escape her; pray that you go to Heaven.

## There's One She Fears

In their tongue, it comes for us all: DEATH! ~~Fus Roh Dah!~~

Hatist has an extreme fear of death and loneliness, which is ironic since she kills people and attracts men so easily (not really ironic, but whatever). Shadow The Hedgehog's famous quote should make you feel something: "Why would a doctor thrive around death, but be afraid to die?" But replace "doctor" with "sociopathic, torturous murderer." Torture and bringing death are ways to outlet your deathly fears and relieve your anxieties, I guess.