Paintball Deer Hunter

**Paintball Deer Hunter** is the ninth episode from *Total Drama Island*, the first season of *Total Drama*.

## Characters

* Chris McLean
* Bunny
* Duncan
* DJ
* Geoff (no lines)
* Leshawna
* Heather
* Beth
* Lindsay
* Gwen
* Bridgette
* Sadie (no lines)
* Courtney
* Owen
* Trent (no lines)
* Cody
* Harold
* Chef Hatchet (no lines)
* Bear

## Recap

* **Chris:** Last time on Total Drama Island. Both teams set on a canoe trip to deadly Boney Island. Cody hit on Gwen about 80 times, but he made up for it by setting her up with the guy she actually wanted to hang with: Trent. Good strategy, bro. There were winners, and there were losers, also known as the Gophers. The last marshmallow was set to go to either Izzy or Lindsay, but the RCMP swooped in and bam! Izzy hightailed it out of there! *(laughs)* Man I knew the girl was nuts, but I didn't know she was totally insane. However, one Gopher may have secretly done something even crazier when she bought home a creepy-stick-statue voodoo thingy from the deadly haunted Island. Will Beth live to regret her souvenir? And can my teeth possibly get any whiter? *(his teeth shines)* Find out here on, Total, Drama, Island. *(theme song)*

## Opening: Chris Wakes Up The Campers Again/Heather Stalls the Ladies Bathroom

* *(The episode opens up with a bunny hoping along in the forest. A helicopter shadow hovers the bunny and it hops away. Chris is inside his helicopter, takes off his helmet glasses and winks to the audience. He flies over the boys cabin, waking and frightening Duncan.)*
* **Duncan:** Hit the deck! They're coming, man! They found us! *(he hides under DJ and Geoff's bed. Chris then flies over to the girls cabin, waking up Leshawna, hitting her head agin)*
* **Leshawna:** Ah, okay, that dude is really starting to get on my last nerve!
* **Heather:** *(yawns)* Whatever, he just loves ruining our mornings. Beth, Lindsay, go warm up the shower for me. *(pause)* Now! And remember...
* **Beth:** Not too hot, this time, I know. *(yawns)*
* *(Cut to the girls outside the communal bathroom in a long line waiting for Heather to finish her shower.)*
* **Bridgette:** What's the hold up?
* **Lindsay:** Heather needs her private time.
* **Leshawna:** How long's Queenie gonna be in there? I got urgent business!
* **Beth:** She could still be a while.
* **Gwen:** Ah, that's it, I'm going lumberjack style.
* **Chris:** *(over the PA)* I hope you're ready for the most challenging challenge yet. Breakfast in three minutes at the campfire pit.
* **Beth:** *(knocking the door)* Um, Heather?
* **Heather:** Can one of you lotion my back, it's peeling. *(the girls run off, leaving Beth alone to do the difficult the task)*

## Today's Challenge: Survival and Deer Hunting

* *(Cut to Chris explaining today's challenge to the campers.)*
* **Chris:** Are you ready for today's EXTREME MAX IMPACT CHALLENGE?!
* **Owen:** WE, ARE, READY! *(laughs. Leshawna shakes her head in response)*
* **Chris:** Incoming! *(throws a can of baked beans. It's about to hit Gwen, but Trent saved Gwen just in the nick of time. Chris continues handing out baked beans, the campers' breakfast)* This is breakfast.
* **Heather:** No, breakfast is crepes, croissants, even Chef's yucky burnt eggs.
* **Owen:** ♪ Beans, beans, they're good for your heart, the more you eat, the more you- ♪ *(Heather throws the beans at Owen, knocking him out)*
* **Chris:** Today's challenge is about survival, *(pulls out a paintball gun)* we're going hunting.
* **Duncan:** Now that's more like it.
* **Harold:** Isn't that a paintball gun?
* **Chris:** Why, yes, Harold, it is. *(shoots Harold with the paintabll gun)*
* **Bridgette:** So we won't be killing anything?
* **Chris:** Negatory. This is the first ever paintball deer hunt. I'll announce the teams once we get to the woods. So, finish breakie. *(Owen finishes all the breakfast and burps)*
* **Owen:** Ah, got any more?
* *(Cut to Chris and the campers in the woods with paintball guns displayed.)*
* **Chris:** And now for the team breakdowns. The Killer Bass hunters are Harold, Geoff, and Bridgette. Locked and loaded with Bass blue paint. And using orange paint are the Gopher hunters: Leshawna, Beth, Owen, Lindsay.
* **Owen:** WAHOOOO! This is awesome, man!
* **Chris:** *(puts on orange glasses)* You also get these styling glasses and wicked camo caps. The rest of you are now deer. *(pause)* Here are your antlers, noses, and little white tail. *(laughs)*
* **Heather:** Yeah, right! I'm not wearing that!
* **Duncan:** There is no way I'm a deer!
* **Chris:** *(puts deer antlers, nose and tail on Duncan)* Take these off and your team is toast. *(Owen laughs)*
* **Duncan:** What are you looking at?
* **Owen:** Oh, nothing, Bambi. *(smacks Duncan's tail)*
* **Duncan:** You better be a good shot, tubby.

## The "Deers" Get a Head Start

* *(The challenge starts and the "deers" get a head start. Cut to the Bass.)*
* **Courtney:** At least we get a head start.
* **DJ:** I don't know about y'all, but I'm outta here. *(he starts acting like a literal deer, much to the shock of Courtney, Duncan, and Sadie. Cut to the Gophers walking)*
* **Gwen:** *(sighs)* This may be the lamest thing I've ever done in my life.
* **Cody:** Oh, come on, it could be fun. *(the Gophers glare at him for thinking it will be fun. He runs off nervously)* Okay, catch you later. *(he's in the confessional in a wheelchair with bruises on his face and wrapped in white bandages due to an accident that will occur later on) I was so psyched to be a deer. I'm small, but I'm quick. Lots of practice from dodging spitballs in math class.*
* *(Cut to Gwen and Trent.)*
* **Gwen:** Are you coming?
* **Heather:** *(filing her nails)* No, I'm going to wait for Lindsay and Beth, and make them protect me for the whole game.
* **Gwen:** Wouldn't that be against the rules?
* **Heather:** Do you see a "rules" person anywhere? Worry about your own fluffy tail. *(Gwen and Trent leave. Cut to the Bass hunters)*
* **Harold:** And break! *(he and Geoff put on their glasses while Bridgette is nervous about doing this)* Okay, you do realize that this is all pretend, right? And it's just paint? So, say if you, like, hit Heather.
* **Bridgette:** Wait, Heather's a deer? *(laughs and puts on her glasses, ready to go hunt down Heather)*
* '*Chris:***(over the PA)** Start your paintballs! Game on!

## Owen Hides His Scent By Using His Own, Pee...

* **Beth:** Alright, let's go bake some deer!
* **Leshawna:** I'm down with that!
* *(Owen pours yellow liquid on him.)*
* **Beth:** What are you doing?
* **Owen:** Masking my scent so the deer don't smell me coming.
* **Leshawna:** Tell that isn't-
* **Owen:** Pee? Yes, yes it is. *(the hunters are disgusted)*
* **Beth:** Eeeww!!
* **Owen:** I got some more if you need some.
* **Beth:** We're hunting other campers, you don't have to hide your scent.
* **Owen:** You mean I collected this pee for nothing? *(he throws the jar of pee in the air, Lindsay and Beth run off screaming)*
* **Leshawna:** Dude, you are one sick ticket! *(walks away)*

## Beth and Lindsay Find Heather

* *(Cuts to Beth and Lindsay walking tired after running away from Owen's urinal jar.)*
* **Beth:** Oh, man, we're back to where we started and we haven't seen one deer.
* **Heather:** *(clears throat)* What took you so long?
* **Beth:** Were we supposed to come find you?
* **Heather:** Hello, alliance, anyone?
* **Lindsay:** Ooh, ooh, me, can I be in one?
* **Heather:** You already *are*, Lindsay, that's the point! Now, go find me some berries. I'm starving. *(Lindsay runs off)*
* **Lindsay:** Woohoo, yeah!
* **Beth:** Shouldn't we be, you know, hunting?
* **Heather:** She is hunting, for me, but actually, berries won't be enough. Go get me some chips.
* **Beth:** In the forest?
* **Heather:** In the dining room, now! *(Beth walks away)* And now barbecue!

## Beth Sees That Heather Is Bossy

* **Beth:** *(in the confessional)* Okay, Heather can be so bossy. And in nature, hunters would never go find food for the deer. Heather won't hear this, right?

## Owen's Pursuit of DJ (1)

* **Owen: The hunter is a finely tuned machine, his sense is heightened by the thrill of the chase. *(sniffs. Spots DJ)* Suddenly, our hunter spots a magnificent buck in a clearing. *(he hides in the bushes)* If he's to succeed, the hunter must demonstrate patience, and control. *(farts. DJ hears this)***

## Beth Sneaks In To Get the Chips

Meanwhile on Beth, she hides under a table and sees Chef coming out of the main lodge going for a swim. He whistles. Beth sighs, but then she hits her head)

* **Beth:** Ough! *(covers her mouth. Chef stops whistling and hears this but he ignores it and continues whistling. Beth quickly runs inside the main lodge and closes the door)*

## Owen's Pursit of DJ (2)

* *(Cut to Owen and DJ. A bird lands on DJ's antlers and DJ is eating grass)*
* **Owen:** The hunter moves in, aware of every proton in his environment. *(a snake latches on him, frightening him, scaring off DJ)* It's on, DJ, your butt's a hamburger and I'm one hot barbeque.

## Beth Gets Caught But Manages To Get Away

* *(Cuts back to Beth. She has the chips and hears Chef arriving back so soon from his swim. She hides under one of the tables. Her tiki doll drops and Chef stops whistling and sniffs. Beth steps on a cracked floor, witch Chef hears and spots Beth. She starts running and manages to get away from Chef.)*
* **Beth:** *(in the confessional)* So, I'm running for my life from this psycho chef when all of a sudden it hits me: I'm doing this for *Heather*?! I don't even like *her*! *(cuts back to her panting. She then starts eating Heather's chips.*

## Owen's Pursuit of DJ (3)

* *(Cut back to Owen on the hunt for DJ.)*
* **Owen:** You're my burger now, DJ. *(he shoots on a rock and jumps over the river. Owen lands on the rock, hitting his groin)* Ah!
* *(Later.)*

## Cody Finds Beth

* **Cody:** Psst.
* **Beth:** Whoever you are, go ahead, shoot me. You can't make today any stinker. *(Cody pops up from the bushes and walks with Beth)*
* **Cody:** You're a hunter, I'm a deer. Slight food chain issue with me shooting you. How goes it?
* **Beth:** I'm so done with this game.
* **Cody:** What happened? Have you bagged any deer yet?
* **Beth:** No, but I did risk my life to steal a bag of chips.
* **Heather:** What took you so long?

## Beth Stands Up To Heather

* **Beth:** *(hands over a nearly empty bag of chips)* Here, I hope you know what I had to go through to get tho- *(Heather snatches the chips. She's shocked to find the bag is nearly finished)*
* **Heather:** There's like... eleven chips left. *(sniffs)* And they're barbecue. Go exchange them for dill pickle.
* *(Beth is about to pick up the bag and then finally decicdes to stand up for herself.)*
* **Beth:** No.
* **Heather:** What did you just say?
* **Cody:** I'm just gonna, yeah *(dashes off with the chips)*
* **Heather:** Take it back.
* **Beth:** *(gulps)* No!
* **Heather:** Take. It. Back!
* **Beth:** No, I'm tired of being your slave. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a challenge to complete.
* '*(A hunter shoots Heather.)*
* **Heather:** Ouch! Whoever you are, this is so not cool! *(the hunters were revealed to be Harold and Bridgette. They high five.)*

## The Hunter Becomes The Hunted

* *(Cut to DJ running from Owen. They run up to the cliff.)*
* **Owen:** The hunter's courage and desire will not... stop!
* *(The two reach to the top of the cliff.)*
* **Owen:** You're mine now, deer. *(as he's about to shoot, he's out of paintballs. He is now screwed)* Um, the hunter knows his prey will stay there for a moment, paralyzed,*(DJ starts to apporach Owen)* in, uh, fear, and respect. The deer cannot best the hunter! Dude, come on, now. *(laughs nervously)* Let's talk about this. *(just then, DJ kicks Owen off the cliff and runs off continuing to be a deer)*

## Heather Gives Beth One Last Chance

* *(Cut to Heather and Lindsay.)*
* **Lindsay:** Wait, I have blueberries, see? *(Heather knocks the blueberries)* Oh? Oh...
* **Heather:** Follow me.
* *(Cut to Cody eating the chips.)*
* **Cody:** Mmm. Barbecue. Ha-ha, mmm. The King of Chip Flavors. *(continues eating, leaving crums on the floor)*
* *(Elsewhere, Beth is about to get her first target, Sadie, until she gets interrupted by Heather.)*
* **Heather:** Hey, Beth! *(Sadie gasps and runs away)*
* **Beth:** Oh, I totally had her!
* **Heather:** We've been talking about you.
* **Lindsay:** We have?
* **Heather:** Zip it, Lindsiot. We decided to give you one last chance. If you take it back, you can rejoin our alliance.
* **Beth:** Take back what?
* **Heather:** The n-word: no.
* **Beth:** I don't want to take it back.
* **Heather:** You are NOTHING without me!
* **Beth:** Do you know why we keep losing challenges?
* **Heather:** Because they're lame and stupid?
* **Beth:** No. Because you're so busy being mean, you don't even try. ALL YOU CAN THINK OF IS BOSSING US AROUND!! *(Heather gasps, takes off her deer nose and throws it at Beth)* Oh, that's it!
* **Heather:** BRING IT, DWEEB!

## Owen's New Prey (1)

* *(Cut to Owen walking in the forest monolouging.)*
* **Owen:** You can leave the hunter with less ammo than he thought he had. *(pours out water and takes out a crab from his shoe)* You can throw him over a cliff. You can even leave him with the case of toe crabs. *(drops his shoe)* BUT YOU CANNOT, BREAK HIS SPIRITS!! *(twitch. He finds Duncan and hides in a bush)* Fresh meat.

## Beth and Leshawna Shoot Heather

* *(Cut to Beth and Heather arguing.)*
* **Heather:** I am giving you one, last, chance.
* **Beth:** Why? Because you know you can't win without your little alliance?
* **Heather:** I can make your life MISERABLE!!
* **Beth:** You already do, Miss Come Put Lotion On My Nasty Alligator Skin! What do I have to lose? *(cut to Leshawna)*
* **Leshawna:** Two hours of sneaking around in the woods and I haven't shot a darn thing. What kind of messed up person actually does this for fun? *(hears Heather and Beth arguing)*
* **Heather:** Fine, be all alone then, loser!
* **Beth:** It's better than working for you! *(the visions from Leshawna's glasses are blurry. Because of this, she accidentally shoots Heather)*
* **Heather:** Bring it, dweeb!
* **Beth:** Oh, that's it!
* **Heather:** OW! Who was that?
* **Leshawna:** Oh, I knew I should've gone to the optometrist before I came out here, heh. Sorry about that.
* **Heather:** You! *(to Beth)* Give me your gun! GIVE IT! *(Beth shoots Heather)* Ow! Charley horse!
* **Leshawna:** Girl, you crazy.
* **Beth:** It just looked like a lot of fun when you did it. *(both laugh)*
* **Heather:** Stop laughing!

## Owen's New Prey (2)

* *(Cut to Duncan drinks some water from the pond. Owen watches him from the tree.)*
* **Owen:** This is the shot of the day. With one paintball, hunter and praise mutual destinies will be fulfilled. *(aims the weapon at Duncan. He farts. Duncan notices and sniffs)*
* **Duncan:** Beans. Owen! *(Owen farts again)* Nice try, farticus, you almost had me. *(runs off. Owen falls from the tree and farts again. Cut to the crumb trail of chips that Cody left earlier. Cody is in the confessional)*
* **Cody:** I thought it was a cinch to win. I almost made it all the way through without being hit by a single paintball! *(he finishes the chips and finds blueberries)* Mmm. Berries. *(just then, a bear growls at Cody)* Hey, big fella, want some berries? *(the bear violently roars at Cody. The bear is in the confessional eating chips but Cody finished them. Cut back to Heather, Lindsay, Beth and Leshawna. Heather takes off her "antlers" and snatches Lindsay's paintball gun)*
* **Heather:** Give me that! *(she shoots at Beth and Leshawna)*
* **Beth:** Oh, now it is so on! *(they fire paintballs at each other. Cut to Duncan spray painting a skull on a tree)*

## Courtney and Duncan's "Antlers" Get Stuck

* **Courtney:** Why do you smell worse than usual?
* **Duncan:** It's Owen's stink, it's following me around like my juvenile record.
* **Courtney:** Well I'm heading back. This stupid game must be over by now.
* **Duncan:** You're going the wrong way.
* **Courtney:** Excuse me? I was a CIT, remember? I have a natural sense of direction. Camp is this way.
* **Duncan:** No, it's that way. *(the two then go their ways, but then get their "antlers" locked)*
* **Courtney:** Very funny. Now let me go!
* **Duncan:** Hey, princess, this isn't my idea of fun either.
* **Courtney:** Great, Duncan.
* **Duncan:** *(in the confessional)* Sure, we could've taken those lame-o-antler hats off, but miss counselor-in-training would probably go blab to Chris and have us disqualified. But, hey! I kinda liked it!
* **Courtney:** Now what?
* **Duncan:** Wanna make out? *(pause. cuts to Bridgette, Geoff and Harold. They hear Beth, Heather and Leshawna fighting. They're shocked to see that their shooting at each other and not the opposing teams. The Bass hunters then shoot the girls except for Lindsay)*
* **Bridgette:** This is really fun.
* **Chris:** *(over the PA) **Attention human wildlife and hunters. Please report back to camp. It's time to show your hides and tally up the scores.*** **(cut to Cody after being mauled by the bear) *Tsk, tsk, tsk. Stealing from Chef. Eating chips in the woods. Being mauled by bears. Do you know what I see here? I see a very undisciplined group. I see a disgraceful mess. I see a massive waste of paint product.* (close up of Chris' face) And I have to say... *(laughing)* That... was... awesome! Haha! When you guys opened fire on your own team, wicked TV, guys. *(DJ and Geoff fist bump)***
* **Harold:** Hey, where are Duncan and Courtney? *(Sadie elbows Harold and points to them. Courtney and Duncan walk wih their "antlers" stuck)*
* **Gwen:** Oh, this is too much.
* **Owen:** *(laughs)* Duncan, you sly dog, you.
* **Duncan:** The girl can't keep her antlers off me. *(in response, Courtney violent kicks Duncan in the groin, so hard that he sheds a tear)* Can't even bend over...

## The Killer Bass Win!

* **Chris:** Easy, Courtney. Our medical tent's really only equipped for one at a time and Cody's really pretty messed up. *(Bridgette and Geoff get Courtney and Duncan's antlers untangled. Duncan bends over)* Well, since three members of the Gophers are dripping in paint... *(Lindsay also has paint on the back)* Make that four members, and some of them aren't even deer, I think we have our winner! *(the Bass cheer)* You're off to a hunt camping shindig. *(Duncan cheers and then falls on the floor)* Gophers, I'll see you at the campfire ceremony, again.

## Ending: Cody Gets Voted Off/Cody Falls Into the Water

* *(Cut to the campfire ceremony.)*
* **Heather:** I mean, seriously, twice in a row? What is wrong with you people? I can't wait to see Beth get kicked off. I just wish I can vote off *two* campers at once.
* **Cody:** *(in the confessional)* *(chuckles)* Okay, I know I got mauled by a bear, but I'm feeling good about this. I'm a quick healer, and besides, Heather's as mean as a snake, dude! Her own team shot her like 18 times! They'll never kick me off.
* **Leshawna:** *(voting against Cody)* Who did I vote for? Well, Heather's been a pain in my butt from day one. But I gotta say, Cody.
* **Owen:** *(voting against Cody)* Yeah, that Cody . . . Not so useful in challenges anymore.
* **Lindsay:** I totally admire Belle (Beth) for standing up to Heather, but she's so dead now!
* **Chris:** There are only seven marshmallows on this plate. When I call your name, come up and claim your marshmallow. The camper- *(Gwen interrupts)*
* **Gwen:** Who does not recieve a marshmallow must immdiately return to the Dock of Shame, catch the Boat of Losers and leave Can't we just get this over with? *(Chris has an annoyed expression)*
* **Chris:** Fine, whatever, spoil the moment. *(hands out the marshmallows)* Trent. Lindsay. Owen. Gwen. Leshawna. *(Beth crosses her fingers. Heather thinks she's going home, but not so soon)* Beth. Campers, this is the final marshmallow tonight. *(dramatic pause)* Heather.
* **Heather:** *(stands up)* You are all lucky, okay, very lucky. *(the Gophers are shocked)*
* **Chris:** Cody. The dock of shame awaits, bro. *(Cody can't move because he's in a wheelchair wrapped with bandages)* I guess we can help you get there.
* **Beth:** I'll do it. *(walks Cody to the Dock of Shame)*
* **Gwen:** Bye, Cody. *(the Gophers wave bye to Cody)*
* **Leshawna:** See you, buddy.
* **Owen:** Take care, dude.
* **Cody:** *(muffled talking)*
* **Beth:** I know, I can't believe I stood up to her either.
* **Cody:** *(muffled talking)*
* **Beth:** I'm gonna be okay, don't worry about me. And I still have my good luck charm. *(hands out the statue from Boney Island)* See, I got it from Boney Island last week. *(Cody notices that the team's losing because of the idol cursing them)* Cool, huh? Bye, Cody. Take care. *(kisses him on the cheek. Cody tries to warn Beth the statue has been cursing them, but she doesn't realize it. The episode ends with Cody falling into the water nearly drowning)*

## References

1. ↑ In the censored version, Heather said "foolish."