The Worst Bikini Bottom Race

This Page is About SpongeBob SquarePants, The Most Famous Nickelodeon Cartoon.

**R.I.P.**

**STEPHEN MCDANNELL HILLENBURG**

* **Born:** August 21, 1961
* **Died:** November 26, 2018

*Aged 57, from complications from Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (A.L.S.).*

*It is a terminal illness that affects and causes the death of neurons that control the brain and the spinal cord.*

*Goodbye Stephen Hillenburg. And Remember, you still have your son, Clay Hillenburg.*

## Beginning

**Narrator:** Once, there was a never-before-seen video of SpongeBob SquarePants never made by Nickelodeon.

And You're here to see the plot!

### At the Living Room

* **Mail Man:** *[The Doorbell Rings]* Delivery!
* **SpongeFan:** The Doorbell Ring
* **LoveBunny:** What is it?
* **SpongeFan:** I doubt the episode is in there.
* **LoveBunny:** Can't hurt to look.
* **SpongeFan:** Here goes nothing. *[opens the mailbox with a map the Mailman gave them]* Look, Aye!
* **LoveBunny:** What is it?
* **SpongeFan:** Hey... it's a page! It's a page to a treasure!
* **LoveBunny:** It's a dream come true!
* **SpongeFan:** *[giggles]* We gotta go find it, LoveBunny! *[shouts excitedly and runs over to the door; snaps]* Oh, first I'll need the treasure hunting shovel. *[gets a shovel]* Come on, LoveBunny! Here we go! *[runs down the steps, along with LoveBunny]*
* **LoveBunny:** Ok!
* **SpongeFan:** *[Aunt Mavis sits on her porch, knitting]* Ten paces past Aunt Mavis' house. *[walks past the woman's house]*
* **Aunt Mavis:** Would you like some cookies?
* **SpongeFan:** Put 'em in a Lunch box, Granny. Can't right now, we're on a treasure hunt. *[continues walking]*
* **Aunt Mavis:** Okay, don't catch a cold.
* **SpongeFan:** Walk five fathoms past Gamble's Department Store. *[looks up at a store by that name; walks next to a tree]* Half a league to the baby tree. *[looks at a small tree]* Oh! *[stands somewhere else, looking at the map]* Now all that's left is... Huh?! The seven trials of grassy lagoon?! *[lowers the map and sees a playground full of children]* Merciful Neptune. Only for SpongeBob. Only for SpongeBob! *[runs into the playground; rides back and forth on a small green horse and screams]* Whoa! *[goes up and down on a see-saw]* Whoa! Whoa! *[slides down a slide with his hands up; screams and hits the ground]* Ow! *[gets spun around on a merry-go-round and screams; he then slowly climbs on the monkey bars while a little kid punches him in the back]* Ahh... Ahh... Ah! *[inside a giant climbing thing while a group of kids laugh at him and finally he screams while he gets pushed on the swing by a little girl and then screams as the swing she was on returns with only a hook attached to it; the little girl stares at it, confused and then cuts to SpongeFan digging in the sand]* We made it! We survived the trials! Oh, I'm really gonna dig this lost episode! *[laughs]* Dig it, get it? *[laughs some more]*
* **LoveBunny:** *[covered in sand]* You stink!
* **SpongeFan:** And I just got out of the shower. *[laughs again; sticks his shovel in the ground and hits something]* Hey LoveBunny, I think I hit something. *[camera zooms out; a large treasure chest sits in the sand]* Clever... bury your treasure above the surface.
* **LoveBunny:** Really?!
* **SpongeFan:** *[opens the chest; a golden glow shines from it]* This is it! *[a man in a construction hat sits in the chest, holding a tape; SpongeFan takes it; the man cups his hands]* I don't know what it means either. *[slams the top of the chest on the man]* But I got what I came for! Come on LoveBunny, Let's get home. *[runs off, jumping around and shouting excitedly again]*

### That Night

* **SpongeFan:** *[runs into a cinema, still excited]* Yeah! Popcorn. *[shows a bowl of soda down on the table]* Soda. *[puts a cup of orange cola on the table]* Pizza Bread! *[puts a plate of pizza bread down on the table, next to the other things; runs and sits down]* LoveBunny, turn on the screen!
* **LoveBunny:** All Right! *[the screen turns on]*
* **SpongeFan:** This is gonna be great! *[a countdown, starting at ten, appears on the screen]* I can't believe it. More SpongeBob! *[the countdown makes it's way down to 1]* This is so exciting! *[laughs, the countdown ends]* Here it comes!
* *["Walk Cycles" begins on the cinema screen; SpongeBob is walking down the road while techno music plays in the background; his body squishes up, then returns to normal; then, his body extends and his arms flail around; he returns to normal, then squishes up three times, shrinking smaller and smaller, in synchronization with the music; extends his body again; once again, squishes up smaller and smaller in synchronization with the music; extends his body again; starts running frantically while sweating and looking left to right; extends his body, this time with his tongue sticking out and flailing around; begins frantically running again; his limbs and body separate and his eyes pop out of his head; begins walking normally again; "Walk Cycles" ends; color bars appear on the TV, along with Weegee doing a Caramelldansen dance and a beeping noise; SpongeFan stares blankly for a moment]*
* **SpongeFan:** That's it? That's the Lost Episode? That was just a bunch of cheap walk cycles!
* **PantherBoy:** What a rip.
* **SpongeFan:** *[sigh]* Frustrated.
* **Narrator:** 5 minutes later...
* **LoveBunny:** Sheesh, what a hothead!
* **Announcer:** *[on screen, another countdown has started at twenty-three seconds with the words "SpongeBob SquarePants Unreleased Lost Episode"]* And now, the real Lost Video!
* **LoveBunny:** SpongeFan, There's more!
* **SpongeFan:** Really? Hooray! Let's watch!

## Episode

Melvin: The Title of the Video was "The Bikini Boobies Movie"

### Act 1: Home Problem

* **SpongeBob:** Good morning, pineapple! *[plays the bugle to wake Gary up]* Good morning, Gary! *[pats Gary's shell]*
* **Gary:** Meow.
* **SpongeBob:** *[opens his front door]* Good morning, world! I'm ready! *[laughs]*
* **Narrator:** *[opens up in Jellyfish Fields]* Here we see the proud sponge. *[SpongeBob stands completely still at the top of a hill, holding his net]* He stands motionless to lure the jellyfish into a false sense of security. *[a jellyfish swims right behind him]* And when his prey ventures to close, he springs into action.
* **SpongeBob:** *[puts on his safety glasses; turns into a spring and bounces after the jellyfish; stops in midair and looks down]* Huh? *[stretches out and starts falling downward, now in normal form]* *[screams and hits the ground]* Ooh! *[cuts to static. At his home, SpongeBob is carrying a big sack of snail food]*
* **Patrick:** Hey, SpongeBob!
* **SpongeBob:** Hey, Patrick.
* **Patrick:** What are you doing?
* **SpongeBob:** Carrying this heavy bag of snail food for Gary.
* **Patrick:** How is Gary?
* **SpongeBob:** He's fine. Uh, Pat, can we talk about this some other time? This snail food is really heavy.
* **Patrick:** Oh, sure, but there was something I wanted to tell you...something important. Oh, I remember. Uh... *[SpongeBob is gone]* Who was I talking to?
* **SpongeBob:** *[puts the bag of snail food down and notices a piece of paper on the door]* Ahoy, Captain, what have we here? It's a tiny form letter. "Dear Sir or Ma'am... *[goes inside]* We are sorry we missed you. We will attempt to re-deliver your package at our earliest convenience." *[doorbell rings]* Hello? *[gasps]* My package. Whoopee! *[takes it inside while leaving the bag of snail food outside]* Oh, let's see what we got here. *[cuts it open]* My official Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy paddleball set. Whoo! Yeah! *[grunts]* What's this? "Take the Dirty Bubble Challenge! Hit the paddleball 29,998,559,671,349 times in a row." Dirty Bubble, wherever you float, I hereby accept your challenge. *[takes the ball and hits it on the paddle but it comes back and hits him in the eye]* Darn it. *[Tries again; results are the same]* Darn it. *[this happens again]* Darn it.
* **Gary:** *[goes into the kitchen and sees that his food bowl is empty. He checks the time and it is snack time]* Meow.
* **SpongeBob:** *[paddleball hits him in the eye again]* Darn it.
* **Gary:** Meow.
* **SpongeBob:** What was that?
* **Gary:** *[louder]* Meow.
* **SpongeBob:** Oh, Gary, that distracting sound came from you. I'm sorry I can't play with you right now. Mermaid Man needs me. *[when he tries the paddleball again, Gary interrupts]*
* **Gary:** Meow.
* **SpongeBob:** Gary, please! I'm trying to defeat the Dirty Bubble. *[when he lifts his paddleball up, Gary is attached to it]*
* **Gary:** Meow.

* **SpongeBob:** So, let's get this straight, Gary. You don't want me to defeat the Dirty Bubble. You know, Dirty Bubble—terror of the seven seas, arch nemesis of my favorite TV superheroes, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, and apparently renowned paddleball champion. *[Dirty Bubble on the box laughs]* Well, I for one, recognize the importance of this undertaking. But whether or not you do remains to be seen. Now, if you don't mind, I would like to get back to it. *[Gary slithers off]* Pets - sometimes I wonder if they understand a word you're saying. *[Gary jumps on SpongeBob's face, making him run around and scream]* Gary, I hate it when you do that! Now get! *[throws him away and grunts]* And leave your master to his important affairs. *[cut to static]*

### Act 2: Snail Training

* **SpongeBob:** Kelp powder for muscle mass. *[drops the food in a blender as Gary looks on with disgust]* Raw eggs, 'cause they're cliché. *[drops the eggs in the blender]* And nails for toughness. *[drops the nails in the blender. Turns on the blender]*
* **Gary:** Meow.
* **SpongeBob:** Of course, I expect you to eat this. *[Gary's eyes widen. SpongeBob pours some of the blended food into a glass]* It's scientifically designed to help you win tomorrow. Gary? *[Gary is already out of the room through his snail door. SpongeBob stops his stopwatch]* Wow, pretty good time.
* **Patrick:** *[holding a rock]* Hey SpongeBob, check out my new snail.
* **SpongeBob:** Patrick, your snail is a rock.
* **Patrick:** Yeah, thanks, I know. He's got nerves of steel. See you at the big race. *[walks off]*
* **SpongeBob:** Boy, the competition's getting tough. *[walks over to Gary watching TV]* That's it, Gary. *[takes out a leash]* We are going to start some serious training right now.
* **Gary:** Meow.
* **SpongeBob:** *[puts the leash on Gary. Gary tries to stretch his eyes to watching the TV as long as he can before he's pulled out of the room]* Alright Gary, let's start with some sprints. *[holds up a stopwatch]* On your mark. Get set. Go! Go Gary, go! Come on, go, Gary! It's all yours, Gary! *[SpongeBob notices Gary is not there]* Gary? *[SpongeBob walks up to Gary, who is watching more TV]* Come on Gary, the big race is tomorrow. You got to start training if you want to win.
* **Squidward:** *[pops his head in SpongeBob's lower window]* Don't waste your breath, SpongeBob. That mongrel of yours doesn't have a chance against Snellie.
* **Patrick:** *[pops his head in SpongeBob's upper window]* Excuse me, but you two seem to be forgetting who the real winner will be... my snail. *[shows his rock]*
* **Squidward:** Patrick, that's a rock.
* **Patrick:** Yeah, thanks. I know. He's got nerves of steel.
* **Squidward:** What are you standing on, anyway? *[scene shows Patrick standing on Squidward's back]* Like I said, don't even bother showing up tomorrow. *[Squidward walks off as Patrick pops his head in the lower window]*
* **Patrick:** My snail's really got Squidward scared, huh, SpongeBob?
* **SpongeBob:** Sorry Patrick, Gary and I have got some serious work to do. *[picks up Gary and walks off]*
* **Patrick:** You can run, but you can't hide, SquarePants! *[scene cuts to SpongeBob and Gary outside]*

* **SpongeBob:** Alright Gary, no more fooling around. Time to get serious. *[scene cuts to SpongeBob blowing on a whistle]* Come on, Gary, move it! *[scene cuts to Gary crawling up and down a wall]* Up, up, up, up! Down, down, down, down! *[scene cuts to Gary punching a punching bag with his eyes]* Faster, faster, faster! Go, go, go! *[scene cuts to SpongeBob following Gary on his bike]* Come on, push it, Gary, push it! *[scene cuts to Gary on the toilet]* Move that shell! *[scene cuts to Gary in the bathtub with SpongeBob looking through the curtains]* Come on, Gary, move it! *[scene cuts to Gary eating]* Let's go, let's go, let's go! Faster! *[scene cuts to nighttime. Gary is on an exercise wheel while SpongeBob is sleeping but giving orders at the same time]* Let's go, let's go! Speed it up, speed it up, speed it up! Move it, Gary! Move it, move it, move it, move it...

### Act 3: The Unresponsive Race

* *[scene cuts to morning, where Gary is tired, out of breath, and on a leash]* Stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke. *[Gary is pulling SpongeBob in a wagon]* Come on, Gary, we're gonna be late for the big race! *[scene cuts to an announcer]*
* **Nat:** Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to our live coverage of this year's annual spring classic, the 102nd Running of the Snail. And what a beautiful day for this sport of kings, of which I am a huge fan. Seriously, I'm just a fan. I was on my way to my seat, the door was open.
* **Perch Perkins:** Hey, what are you doing?! *[Nat runs away as the announcer comes and sits down]* Heh, sorry about that, folks. Let's go down to the field to join the mayor for the pre-game ceremony. *[scene cuts to a large fish standing by a microphone]*
* **Mayor:** And now, for the lighting of the Torch of Good Sportsmanship, please join me in welcoming snail racing's first-ever champion, Lightning Larry Luciano! *[crowd cheers as the band plays. Larry comes crawling out every so slowly with a flame attached on his back]*
* **Perch Perkins:** Would you look at that, folks? Lightning Larry Luciano, a living legend, slowly making his way center stage. And what a proud moment for this sport. The crowd is going absolutely nuts... *[crowd is cheering]*...for Larry. *[Larry is still crawling to the torch]* He's almost there. Uhh, yes, any minute now.
* **Narrator:** Two hours later... *[band is not playing as loud]*
* **Perch Perkins:** He's almost a quarter of the way there. *[As Larry is still crawling up to the torch, one of the band members faints after playing for 2 hours. The mayor checks his watch, then runs over, grabs Larry and lights the torch]*
* **Mayor:** The torch is lit! Let the race begin. *[the crowd cheers. Cut to the playing field, where SpongeBob and Squidward are standing at the starting line. The snails have markers: Snellie is #6, a very worn out Gary is #7, and Rocky is #8]*
* **Squidward:** Well SpongeBob, I must admit, I didn't think that mongrel mutt of yours would even find the starting line. Congratulations. *[laughs]*
* **SpongeBob:** Save it for the Loser Circle, Squidward. Gary happens to be in the best shape of his life. *[Gary is coughing]*
* **Squidward:** I'll alert the paramedics.
* **Patrick:** *[laughs]* Good one, Squidward.
* **Official:** *[walks up to the contestants]* You guys ready?
* **Patrick:** *[screams]* A burglar!
* **SpongeBob:** No, Patrick, that's the official.
* **Official:** We're ready to start here, folks.
* **Squidward:** Okay, Snellie, let's show these common, garden-variety snails what superior breeding is all about.
* **Snellie:** Meow.
* **SpongeBob:** Alright Gary, listen up, the competition is going to be fierce. You're the undersnail. Everybody's already counting you out. Now get out there and win, so we can rub Squidward's big fat nose in it.
* **Gary:** Meow.
* **Patrick:** This is what you've been training for, Rocky. This is why we're here. *[official raises the flag]*
* **Official:** On your mark. Get set. *[lowers the flag]* Slither! *[Snellie runs out first]*
* **Perch Perkins:** And they're off! Number six, Snellie, rockets out of the starting blocks, leaving the other two competitors in the dust!
* **SpongeBob:** What! *[runs over to Gary]*
* **Squidward:** Go, Snellie, you got it, baby!
* **SpongeBob:** What are you doing, Gary?! The race has started! You let Snellie take the lead! Let's go, Gary. Start moving! You're blowing everything we trained for! Blowing it!
* **Patrick:** It's okay, Rocky. You go when you feel like it.
* **SpongeBob:** Gary, are you listening to me?! Get the anchors out of your pants right now! *[Gary is trying to move fast]* Don't give me that look! I said now, mister! Get going, Gary! *[SpongeBob jumps up and down while Gary is moving slowly]* Go, go, go, go, go!
* **Perch Perkins:** And there goes number 7 out of the starting gate. Oh, hang on, folks. He doesn't look so good.
* **SpongeBob:** Not good enough, Gary, not good enough! Faster! *[Gary tries to go faster]*
* **Perch Perkins:** I do not like the look of this.
* **SpongeBob:** Come on, Gary, it's a race! A race! Have you heard of 'em?! *[Gary eyes are now really small]*
* **Perch Perkins:** That coach is pushing that snail too hard!
* **SpongeBob:** Faster, Gary, faster, faster, faster, faster! *[Gary's left eye explodes]* Huh? *[crowd gasps]*
* **Perch Perkins:** Oh, looks like number 7 has a blowout! *[Gary's other eye explodes]* Oops, make that 2, folks.
* **SpongeBob:** Uhh, Gary? *[Gary's shell breaks, showing a machine inside]*
* **Perch Perkins:** Plus, a blown head gasket! Oh, and the poor creature's still going for it.
* **SpongeBob:** *[getting worried]* Umm, Gary, you can stop now! *[Gary is leaving skid marks on the track]*
* **Perch Perkins:** He's losing control! *[Gary is running into the walls, making a bunch of sparks]*
* **SpongeBob:** You can take a break now if you want to, Gary. *[Gary is spinning on the track]*
* **Perch Perkins:** He's spinning out of control! *[crowd gasps]* He's heading straight for the wall! *[Gary runs into a wall of tires and explodes. The crowd gasps again, then they cheer. cut to static]*
* *[His foghorn alarm sounds and he wakes up immediately; he inhales deeply, then sighs and opens his window curtains]*
* **SpongeBob:** Good morning, day! *[he begins to walk, but accidentally steps on the top of his big toe]* Oww! *[falls over, but gets back up with his toe sore]* I stubbed my toe! *[he cries profusely, and continuously like a fountain, leaving a puddle surrounding him]* I stubbed my toe! I was walking around and I stubbed my toe!
* *[Cuts to the "Tough SpongeBob" scene from No Weenie Allowed]*
* **SpongeBob:** Too tough for me? That's downright ridiculous. I'll have you know I stubbed my toe last week while watering my spice garden, and I only cried for twenty minutes.

### Act 4: Argument with Squidward

* **Squidward:** What are those Neanderthals up to? Don't they know I'm busy spoiling myself? *[Weegee opens Squidward's door while he is in the bathtub. Squidward screams long and pants twice.]*
* *[Cuts to SpongeBob sitting downward on his bed with a miserable look on his face.]*
* **Squidward:** *[alarm goes off]* Ahh, morning already? Oh, boy! *[speaking in a megaphone]* Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas. Wait. Oh, I see a great Christmas photo op. Could you move in a little? *[SpongeBob does so]* Say Santa Claus.
* **SpongeBob:** *[very sad face]* Santa Claus. *[Squidward takes the picture]*
* **Squidward:** Aww, our first Christmas. This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas. The first Christmas is this Christmas. *[donkey appears on screen making noises as he laughs]* Cause it feels like the first Christmas to me. *[laughing at SpongeBob more]*
* **SpongeBob:** You were right, Squidward. This was a stupid holiday. *[cries; takes out a present]* I still want you to have this.
* **Squidward:** What? What's this?
* **SpongeBob:** A present. I made it for you so you wouldn't be left out when... Santa came! *"[cries some more]"*
* **Squidward:** Oh, gee, I, uh, you know I...
* **SpongeBob:** You're welcome. *[sadly walks off and cries]*
* **Squidward:** SpongeBob? He made me a present? It's probably a jellyfish net, or an old Krabby patty, or... *[imitates a hillbilly]* his favorite underpants. Haha. Present. *[opens the present]* Why, it looks like a clarinet. *[smells it]* It smells like one, too. Handcrafted out of driftwood. And it's even got my name on it. *[finds a button that says "push"]* What's this? *[pushes the button and 3 wooden Squidwards with clarinets come out and bob up and down]* Wow. This is the greatest gift I've ever gotten. *[Cuts to Static]*
* **Narrator:** Three weeks later...
* **SpongeBob:** He's just having a hard time getting his confidence back. *[falls down]*
* **Narrator:** Many months later...
* **SpongeBob:** I'm sure he's close to a breakthrough.
* **Narrator 2:** So much later that the old narrator got tired of waiting and they had to hire a new one...
* *[SpongeBob drags himself into the room, by now utterly exhausted. Gary doesn't look sympathetic, though.]*
* **Gary:** Meow, meow, meow.
* **SpongeBob:** I know he still isn't looking for work! Don't rub it in!
* **Squidward:** SpongeBob, where's my lemonade?
* **SpongeBob:** Coming Squidward! *[He falls flat on his face]*
* **Squidward:** *[SpongeBob is running down the hallway]* SpongeBob?! SpongeBob?! *[SpongeBob enters his bedroom]* And why aren't you in uniform? *[SpongeBob exits room and re-enters in a maid outfit]* It's about time you got here!
* **SpongeBob:** Here you go, Your Majesty.
* **Squidward:** I can't drink that.
* **SpongeBob:** Why not?
* **Squidward:** Are you blind? Just look at it. *[close-up of the lemonade]*
* **SpongeBob:** *[becomes irritated]* What about it?
* **Squidward:** That lemon has three seeds in it. That's an odd number! I can't eat anything odd numbered.
* **SpongeBob:** Fine, I'll just take it out. *[takes out lemon and Squidward gets mad]*
* **Squidward:** No! No! It's already contaminated by the bad lemon! It won't work!
* **SpongeBob:** Hmmm, that's two things in this house that won't work.
* **Squidward:** Then go fix them.
* **SpongeBob:** *[grips the glass of lemonade so hard that it shatters]* Two things that won't work!
* **Squidward:** I've changed my mind. I want soup instead.
* **SpongeBob:** Okay. Don't move. *[walks out the bedroom door, revealing his white briefs. He the closes the door, and comes back in wearing normal clothes with a bowl of steaming soup]* Here you go. It's alphabet soup. I made it special. *[shows soup with the phrase "GET A JOB" in alphabet letters but then Squidward slaps it out of SpongeBob's hands]*
* **Squidward:** Condensed soup from a can? Disgusting! Now you've ruined my appetite! Go fetch me something to read!
* **SpongeBob:** Oh, okay. How about this? *[pulls out a newspaper with the "job listings" page on the front]*
* **Squidward:** *[gasps and swats the newspaper away. SpongeBob becomes more annoyed]* Get that away from me! You know I'm allergic to newsprint!
* **SpongeBob:** *[chortles]* Ya know, when you swatted that newspaper out of my hands, it reminded me of something a friend of mine did...at his job! *[SpongeBob's alarm blows him away]*
* **Squidward:** 4 o'clock. Time for my stories. Hurry up, they won't hold the show while you laze around. *[SpongeBob rolls in a TV and hands Squidward the remote. Squidward turns it on to see a two puppets: one green puppet and one lime green puppet wearing a shirt and tie]*
* **Puppet #1:** *[puppet #2 is whistling]* Hey, where are you going?
* **Puppet #2:** To my job.
* **Puppet #1:** You have a job?
* **Puppet #2:** Why wouldn't I? I'm not some lazy, inconsiderate jerk who lays in bed all day.
* **Puppet #1:** Say, where can I get one of these...jobs?
* **Puppet #2:** Oh they're everywhere. *[we see SpongeBob playing with the puppets]* Especially if you're green and have six tentacles.
* **Puppet #1:** Thanks. I'm gonna go look for one so I can stop...
* **SpongeBob:** *[changes to SpongeBob's regular voice]* ...mooching off my friends and they can get back to their lives!
* **Squidward:** This isn't my show. *[presses the remote but nothing happens]* SpongeBob, the remote control is broken! Get over here and fix it!
* **SpongeBob:** I've got a better idea! *[throws the TV away]* Why don't I call someone whose *job* it is to fix it? *[Jumps on top of Squidward in bed]* You know why? Because when I want a *job* *[pokes Squidward's nose]* done I get someone with a *job* *[pokes Squidward's nose]* to do *[pokes Squidward's nose]* that *job* *[pokes Squidward's nose for the 4th time]*!
* **Squidward:** *[narrows his eyelids]* What are you saying?

### Act 5: Meme Montage

* *["MEME MONTAGE!" Begins]*

* **SpongeBob:** Good afternoon sir, could we interest you in some *[holds up chocolate bar]* chocolate?
* **Tom:** Chocolate? Did you say, Chocolate?!
* **Patrick:** Yes sir. With or without nuts?
* **Tom:** Chocolate?! Chocolate?! Chocolate! Chocolate!
* *[SpongeBob and Patrick slowly back away, and then run off. Tom chases them while madly screaming "Chocolate!"]*
* *[Cut to static to show SpongeBob and Patrick in a field with tall bushes]*
* **SpongeBob:** Where could he possibly be?
* **Patrick:** Maybe he's in that poorly drawn pineapple.
* **SpongeBob:** Come on, let's go! *[Patrick hides in a bush]*
* **Patrick:** I'm not going in there *[SpongeBob also hides]*
* **SpongeBob:** Come on, Patrick. I'm right behind you. Baby steps. Almost there... *[DoodleBob draws a hole. They fall into it]*
* **Patrick:** What just happened?
* **DoodleBob:** *[speaking nonsense]* Meahoy, memoyay? Meyoyyoy, ladyonmamoy!
* **SpongeBob:** Come on, Patrick. Give me a boost up!
* **Patrick:** Can't we just stay down here where it's safe?
* **SpongeBob:** No way. I created this monster and I've got to stop him. *[a giant wrench falls and hits Patrick on the head]*
* DoodleBob: Neofineyin!
* **SpongeBob:** See what I mean, Patrick?
* **Patrick:** *[dizzily]* Where's the leak, ma'am? *[DoodleBob draws a bowling ball and rolls it. Patrick's head turns into a bowling pin in surprise]* Yurrgh! *[Hits Patrick and some pink bowling pins and a "strike" symbol appears. Another "strike" symbol then appears after the bowling ball falls into the hole.]*
* **SpongeBob:** You okay, Patrick?
* **Patrick:** Finland!
* **DoodleBob:** *[speaking nonsense and more nonsense]* Meyaiovah! Mee hoy minoy! Meah froyay! *[he runs off in the distance.]*
* *[Cut to staic]*

* **SpongeBob:** *[Leans over Patrick to the man beside Patrick, who is a blue fish]* Excuse me, sir. I hope my horrible ugliness won't be a distraction to you.
* **Fish:** Not at all, boy. *[Smells SpongeBob's bad breath. Makes a sourly disgusted expression, screams out a disgusted noise, and then quickly runs away]*
* *[Shows four screens playing by turn]*
	+ **Plankton:** *[Top Left]* You'll never catch me, Krabs! Not after I switch into maximum overdrive!
	+ **Luigi:** *[Top Right]* I Hope she made, **LOTS OF SPAGHETTI!!**
	+ **SpongeBob:** *[Bottom Left]* A customer ordered a medium soda, and I gave him a large! I gave him a large! I've soiled the good Krusty Krab name! *[Repeatedly screams out "Soiled it!" for a very long time]*
	+ **Patrick:** *[Bottom Right] [screams]* Noooo! My name's... not... **Rick!**

* **SpongeBob:** *[sarcastically]* Oh, you poor, poor thing! By the way, you forgot your *briefcase*! *[he pulls a briefcase out from behind his back, and opens it up to reveal that it is filled with donuts and ice cream sundaes as he angrily dumps it all over Patrick]*
* **Patrick:** *[quietly but furiously]* Oh, so this is the thanks I get for working overtime?
* *[SpongeBob is enraged. He balls his fists and fumes so hard, his entire body shakes. Then he loses his temper and goes ballistic on Patrick, and his face morphs into a stereotypical Asian face with lots of teeth.]*
* **SpongeBob:** *[Screaming intensely]* Overtime?!
* **Mario:** You know what they say, all toasters toast **toast**!
* **Luigi:** That's Mama Luigi to you.

* **Mr. Krabs:** More! *[SpongeBob catches two jellyfish with a net]* More! *[SpongeBob catches a jellyfish with a jar]* More! *[SpongeBob catches some jellyfish with a net while jumping leftwards to the screen]* More! *[SpongeBob tries to catch some jellyfish with a net by jumping rightwards to the screen]* More... *[SpongeBob manages to catch some more jellyfish with a net by jumping leftwards to the screen. Mr. Krabs now appears as a hideous caricature, popularly known as "Moar Krabs."]* More! *[SpongeBob's catching goes wildly fast. Mr. Krabs now appears normal, but continually appearing]* More, more, more, more! More, more! More!

* **Mermaid Man:** Wha? Evil! Evil! *[hanging on a coral pot]* Barnacle Boy! Come quick! I've got the evil!
* *[Shows the World Trade Center Attacks on September 11, 2001.]*
* **Patrick:** I hate this channel.
* **SpongeBob:** Who put you on the planet? *Rueegh! [Cuts to Static]*

### Act 6: The Horror

* **Monroe:** Get him! *[the angry crowd chases after him, into Downtown Bikini Bottom; while SpongeBob flies past the buildings in a straight line, the crowd runs up and down each building; they stop at a cliff, before Jellyfish Fields; SpongeBob keeps flying]*
* **SpongeBob:** I'm almost at Jellyfish Fields. I'm gonna make it!
* **Nat:** He's headed for Jellyfish Fields! We'll Never catch him now!
* **Jenkins:** *[off-screen]* I'll take care of this!
* **Crowd:** It's Cannonball Jenkins!
* **Jenkins:** *[inside a lit cannon, wearing a red helmet and suit; launches out of the cannon and toward SpongeBob; he collides with him, and SpongeBob's inflatable pants explode; the two hurtle toward the ground; SpongeBob falls even further as Cannonball Jenkins opens up a red parachute]* I told you nothing good would come from city folk and their flying machines! *[the crowd watches as SpongeBob crashes to the ground; they walk over]*
* **Fred:** What have we done? *[starts to cry]* Come on, everybody! I think a proper burial is in order. *[picks up the pants]* A pair of pants like these come around... once in a lifetime.

* *[Cuts to Static, An Black and White and Grainy Filter with the crowd of fish bury SpongeBob as they mourn over them]*
* *[Cuts to Static]*

* **Squidward:** *[in his bed]* I hope I never see another snail again. Good night, Clary. *[knock on door and doorbell rings]* Who could that be? As if I didn't already know. *[Squidward walks to the door and opens it]* SpongeBob, I already told you. You're gonna be just fi-i-i... *[SpongeBob is a fully breaded snail now]*
* **SpongeBob:** Meow!
* **Squidward:** *[screams]*
* **SpongeBob:** Meow! Meow. *[Squidward touches SpongeBob's left eye and it curls up]*
* **Squidward:** *[screams and runs back inside shutting the door]*
* **Squidward:** SpongeBob? Oh, Neptune, what have I done? *[picks up the snail plasma shot]* It's all your fault. *[throws it away]* Okay, okay, okay, okay, get it together, Squidward.
* **SpongeBob:** Meow! *[Squidward screams and puts boards on his door. Turns around and SpongeBob is at his window]* Meow. Meow. *[Squidward screams]* Meow! *[Squidward puts more boards on his window but SpongeBob squeezes through the boards holes]* Meow. Meow. *[Squidward screams and runs into his closet]*
* **Squidward:** None of this would be happening if I'd only fed that snail! *[SpongeBob squeezes in from under the door, and meows. Squidward screams and runs through his door, SpongeBob meows, Squidward runs up and down his ceiling while SpongeBob keeps meowing at him. Outside, his house is bouncing from side to side until its flipped on its side completely. Everything is broken and torn inside. Squidward sits up but is injected with the snail plasma through his nose]*
* **Squidward:** Uh-oh! *[now SpongeBob, Squidward, and Gary are on a fence singing "Blow the Man Down"]*
* **Gary:** ♪Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.♪
* **SpongeBob:** ♪Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.♪
* **Squidward:** ♪Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.♪
* **Gary:** ♪Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.♪
* **SpongeBob:** ♪Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.♪
* **Squidward:** ♪Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.♪
* **Gary:** ♪Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.♪
* **Patrick:** *[opens his rock. He is wearing pajamas]* Will you clam up?! *[throws a boot]*
* **SpongeBob:** *[Off-screen at the same time]* ♪Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.♪
* **Squidward:** Meow, me-Ommf! *[boot knocks him off the fence]*
* **Gary:** ♪Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.♪
* **SpongeBob:** ♪Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.♪
* **Squidward:** ♪Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow..
* *[Ends to Black] [Text Saying "THE END" and "A SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS FILM"]*

## Aftermath

* **LoveBunny:** Wow! Wasn't that great, dogs?
* **SpongeFan:** Oh Well... That was Ok. *[the lights go out]* Hey! What's going on? *[the lights turns back on, a mariachi band is heard, and the recorder starts spitting out tape]* No! *[tries to stop the tape from spewing out]* Dah! Dah! Oh, blasted infernal machine! *[gets tangled up and falls over, still struggling]* Oh no! I've ruined the lost episode! Now it's lost forever!
* **LoveBunny:** Aaugh! Lost forever!

**Narrator:** Oh boy, what a loser. Well, I guess the lost episode will remain lost. But can be made using a video editor, as long as there are stars in the sky, SpongeBob will live on in our hearts and in our minds.

Now get lost. I mean, bye. No, really, **get lost...**