Dixdale, Iowa

**Dixdale** (alternately spelled *Dicksdale* and formerly known as *New New Dubuque*) is a municipality in Weiner and HeHad counties in the state of Iowa. As of the 2021 Inicent, Dixdale's population was about 384. The city is the site of the infamous *Melanie W. Wisconsin Lettuce Incident* in December 2021, an event that almost led to the destruction of the city and the second coming of Cheyenne.

## History

   The land that would later become Dixdale was violently taken from Illinois in 1868. Originally, the town of **New New Dubuque,** the second city of the Dubuque Trio, was built on the land, but after the harsh economic collapse in Iowa in 1880, the town was intentionally destroyed by a hellfire missile. In 1890, the city of Dixdale was founded. Since the area is one of the poorest in Iowa, Dixdale settlers opted to not build new buildings, and instead used the crumbling, abandoned buildings from New New Dubuque. After the 1909 Mormon Incident, Dixdale remained relatively calm. This was until 1997, when the Melanie W. Wisconsin Lettuce Factory was built in Dixdale. The factory, which mainly produced lettuce products, ejected enough pollution into the air to kill almost 200 of Dixdale's 800 residents at the time. Tensions remained high until 2021, when the Melanie W. Wisconsin Lettuce Incident happened, which was really the only important thing that happened in this shithole's history.

### 1909 Mormon Incident

In 1901, an unusually large group of Mormons settled in Dixdale, causing the population to grow to almost 500. The residents of the town hated this, as they were strict libertarians who did not believe in Jehovah, or whatever. In 1909, the Mormons attempted to take over the city, in an attempt to cause the second coming of Christ early. The governor of Iowa was informed about the plot, and he decided the best course of action was to bomb the shit out of Dixdale, no matter how many casualties this would cause. The bombing worked, and most of the Mormons were killed, with the few who survived moving to Cedar Rapids. This incident put Dixdale at #1 on the Mormon's 'cities that will meet their maker sooner or later' list.

### 2020 Derecho

During the 2020 Iowa Derecho, most of Dixdale sustained heavy damage. Most of the crumbling buildings from over a century before were destroyed, and mayor White Whiteman was seen being blown away. His body was found several miles away in the town of Nauvoo, Illinois. Despite being destroyed and being extremely poor, the city did not get any financial aid, as the Mormons Sabotaged the city and told the governor that the city was a-ok. The townspeople were furious, but there really was nothing they could do about it. After the incident, Mormons were seen dancing in city Square and screaming "PACKWATCH!!!! REST IN PISS YOU WONT BE MISSED!!!!!!!". Fucking Mormons.

## Melanie W. Wisconsin Lettuce Incident

> *"I'll be damned if those stupid hick motherfuckers think they can bring me and my successful business down. This is all for you, Cheyenne. All I do is for you. And fuck those stupid fucking Mormons."*
> -**MELANIE W. WISCONSIN, 2020**
>
>

### Born

October 11, 1963Milino, Socialist Republic of Macedonia

### Parents

Lisa Dixham (Mother), Arthur Dixham (Biological father)

Tito Wisconsin (Adopted father)

### Known For

Being a menace to the environment and to the citizens of Dixdale, Iowa

**Melanie Wobinette Dixham** was born on October 11, 1963 to a poor farming family in Communist Yugoslavia. She was born to mother Lisa Dixham and father Arthur Dixham, who abandoned the family shortly after Melanie's birth. Lisa and Melanie then moved to the town of Racism, Montana. Lisa then married 30 year old Tito Wisconsin, and took his last name. Things in the family remained relatively normal until March 2, 1975, when Melanie tried to get high off of compressed air. She fell into a 4 year long coma, in which she was thought to be braindead. However, Melanie woke up, and immediately packed her bags and moved to Kamala Harris, Iowa. There, she met mayor Cheyenne Thomas, who Wisconsin described as having "nice tits" and calling her "the prettiest lesbian this side of the Methassippi River". The two immediately began having a romantic relationship, with the two even being featured on Good Morning Iowa on its special feature on Homosexuality. However, their relationship would end on June 8th, 1980, when Cheyenne was swept away into the Eleanor Benson V Memorial River and drowned. This left Melanie a cold and bitter woman, and she developed a plan to destroy those who wronged her. She moved to Erie, Pennsylvania, and worked at the Exelon David L. Foster Nuclear Power Plant for a short while, but them moved back to Dixdale in 1990. She went to Bear Creek Community College in Bear Creek, Oregon, and got her degree in business in 1995. She then founded her own company, **Melanie W. Wisconsin Lettuce Company & Friends**. She then started construction on the Melanie W. Wisconsin Lettuce Factory in the southern part of the town.

### Lettuce Factory

Construction of the factory started in January 1996. Like most factories in the Midwest, the factory was constructed on an ancient Native American burial site. The construction of the factory kicked up enough dust to contaminate the nearby Lake Wanchatawngwa, and filled it with enough lead to make Flint, Michigan look like a town with a perfect water supply. Construction of the factory was finished in 1997, after several delays due to riots caused by Eleanor Benson's newest movie, *"PALESTINE SUX!!!!!!!"*. During the opening ceremony on June 2, 1997, the Iowa National Guard attempted to bomb the factory for an unknown reason. However, their missiles landed over 20 miles away in nearby Leshawna, Illinois. During it's first year of lettuce production, the pollution from the factory was enough to contaminate almost of a quarter of the Mississippi River. Smoke from the factory's 8 smokestacks carried smoke all the way to Lake Michigan. Over 50 people died from smoke inhalation and sickness caused by pollution. One of the casualties was the then-mayor of the nearby town of Mooar, Ira. Ira was a shorthair cat that became an integral part of the culture and economy of Mooar. In retaliation, the citizens of Mooar marched to the factory on October 9, 1998. Their goal was to burn the factory to the ground and have Melanie lynched. However, during their march, Melanie noticed the citizens climbing over the factory walls, and ordered for hot tar to be poured onto the citizens. All of them died, and this incident would be known as the Mooar Tragedy. Ira II would later become the new Mooar mayor, but as 80% of its 39 citizens were killed in the tragedy, the town was absorbed into Dixdale in 1999 and Ira II would be placed in the Dixdale zoo. Ira I’s body would go on to be displayed in the Dixdale Museum, which was decimated in the 2021 incident, leading to his corpse disappearing forever.

## Demographics

Following the incident, Dixdale was determined to be 99.9 percent white, with the only non-white resident being a cat currently residing in a dumpster at 8th and Maple.

## Fun Trivia

* The 1909 Mormon incident inspired Eleanor Benson VI to make the movie "**The Death of a Mormon"**, widely regarded as one of the most offensive and shocking movies ever made.