Episode 29: “Baby’s First Podcast” (w/ Ben Baur!)

*This week we’re joined by actor Ben Baur to talk about the remake of the film that gave us our theme song: 2009’s SORORITY ROW!   Mark shares his real-life Xenomorph experience, Michael picks out his favorite extra, and Nay leads a candid chat about the passing of Nipsey Hussle.   Plus, in Tea Time we sip on SANTA CLARITA DIET, SCREAM 4, and MULHOLLAND DRIVE.[1]*

## **Trivia**

**Nay:** And today we are coming to you *not* from a sorority house, because we would never

**Michael:** No

**Mark:** No

**Nay:** Yeah, I dunno, that's my personal opinion

**Michael:** We're coming from Carrie Fisher's kitchen

**Mark:** *Yeah, oh God*

**Nay:** True

**Mark:** Man, that bummed me out. Anyway

**Nay:** Me too

Topics brought up during the episode: Huntingseason.tv, *Next Level Shit* (short about internalized bottom shame) and *The Office is Mine* (horror short made with friend of the pod Michael Varratti, about gays competing for territory within an office)

## **Tea Time**

**Michael:** started watching the newest season of *Schitt's Creek* (season 4); *Scream 4*

**Nay:** Mourning Nipsey Hussle

**Mark:** *Mulholland Drive*

**Ben:** all of *Santa Clarita Diet* season three

## **Pride Float**

**Mark:** So, does this movie get a Pride float?

**Nay and Michael:** No

**Ben:** No

**Brennan:** No

**Nay:** No

**Mark:** (chuckling) It was really a rhetorical question. I just--

**Nay:** They're doing party education on like, how to know if you drank too much, how to know if your friend's drunk too much, here's a Lyft code...

**Brennan:** How to know when a prank has gone *too* far

**Nay:** Yeah. They gotta do education

**Michael:** If I was a parent and my kid was gonna be-- is a senior in college, I would show them this movie and go, "When you go to school next year, don't do any of this."

**Nay:** Yeah

**Ben:** Yeah

**Michael:** Just don't. It's like a "How Not To"

**Mark:** I say no Pride float. This movie to me was a heterosexual nightmare

**Ben:** Not wrong. Not wrong

**Brennan:** In lieu of a Pride float, may I present a clip package that I have prepared

**Mark:** Please

**Ben:** Yes

**Michael:** I do love this AV Club article I read that said, "Step one of chopping up a body is driving a tire-iron straight through the heart. Everybody knows that."

**Nay:** (To Michael) You told me something else that was really funny

**Michael:** Oh, read this whole thing because it's *fucking hilarious*

**Mark:** Where's it from?

**Michael:** It's from AV Film and the title is, "I Know What the Writers of *Sorority Row* Watched Last Summer"

**Mark:** Who wrote it?

**Michael:** Amelie Gillette

**Mark:** Oh! That's nice

**Michael:** She said, "The thing about pranks is there's always someone who takes things too far, this ruining the joke for everyone. I mean, sure, it's funny to call up the most dead-eyed cast member of *The Hills* and tell her you want her to star in your *House on Sorority Row* remake, which starts shooting tomorrow, so don't be late! And yes, it's also funny to do the same thing to Bruce Willis and Demi Moore's daughter. Of course that's a good prank! And it's all stifled laughter and swallowed guffaws for the first day as you watch the girls struggle to act and take the whole being a movie star thing seriously. But really there's a point when you have to drop the charade and tell them it's a prank. Otherwise, you're actually making a *House on Sorority Row* remake and no one wants that."

**Mark:** *Oooof*

**Michael:** That is amazing

**Ben:** That's incredible

**Nay:** I can't

**Brennan:** All right, I prepared a clip selection of my favorite character--

**Michael:** Ellie

**Brennan:** Rumer Willis's Ellie, who is freaking out at *a thousand percent* for the *entire movie*

**Ben:** The entire movie, the entire time

**Mark:** She spends the *entire* movie just unraveling

**Brennan:** Yeah

**Michael:** It's like, "How big is this ball?"

**Nay:** 'Til the end

**Michael:** It just keeps unraveling

**Mark:** Yes

**Brennan:** If it was one of those memes where it's the subtitles it would just be like, "[Yowls from afar.]"

**Michael:** Or like, "[Unintelligible laugh into screaming.]"

**Brennan:** So here's a little bit of her

**(The clip package starts at 1:06:18 and runs until about 1:07:00)**

## **Quotes**

**Nay:** Today we have a guest that's pretty special to me, because I have a list of very cool people that I've met on the dance floor, and one of those people is our guest today

**Michael:** Oh yeah

**Nay:** So I'd like to go ahead and introduce him

**Michael:** Do it

**Nay:** Ben Baur, you're here!

**Nay:** Let me read Ben's bio so we can get to know *some* of who he is: "Ben Baur is a previous Out 100 honoree, who can be seen in television shows such as *The Following*, *Happily Divorced* and *Difficult People*. Ben has also appeared in a variety of web series such as *These People*, *Tough Love* and *Hunting Season*." Ben and I met on the dance floor, both cutting a rug, may I add

**Ben:** Doing what we could, yeah

**Ben:** I'm just putting this out there, this is "Baby's First Podcast".

**Michael:** Really?

**Mark:** *What???*

**Ben:** Yeah. So I'm very nervous

**Michael:** Don't be

**Ben:** (exhales) Okay. Just be gentle

**Nay:** (disappointed) *Oh.* All right. That's fine

**Michael:** We'll try

**Nay:** No, it's fine. We can

**Mark:** (seductively) We've done this before

**Nay:** Yeah, exactly. And as a communicative top, if you say to be gentle, that's what I'm gonna do

**Ben:** Oh, thanks girl. I appreciate that

**Nay:** Yeah. Of course

**Michael:** I love that, Nay

**Mark:** It's important as a top to have listening skills

**Michael:** Yeah. Communication's key

**Nay:** Seriously. Yeah

**Mark:** 'Cause everyone's been with one where you're like, "Hello? Is this thing on?" (taps microphone) "Hello?" Yeah

**Nay:** Yeah. And you're like, "Are you doing that for fun or are you really just not listening to anything?"

**Ben**: (indistinct)

**Mark:** Also, you know, "Ow, ow, *ow!*"

**Michael:** I had so many dirty things I wanted to say, but i refrained

**Mark:** Why are you refraining?

**Nay:** *Wow*, yeah. What's the occasion?

**Michael:** It would be bad, even for me

**Nay:** *Damn*. Michael's the nastiest of all of us

**Mark:** (chuckling) *Okay?*

**Michael:** I've been super busy, but I started watching, finally, the newest season of *Schitt's Creek* and I know I've talked about that here before, but I just love that show so much. It's so sweet

**Mark:** I've had Alexis's audition song in my head--

**Ben:** (gasps) "La la la la la-la-la…"

**Mark:** I've *had* it in my head legit like, *a week*. It won't go away

**Michael:** Her hand gestures

**Mark:** Oh my God

**Michael:** And how she sits there like this, and--

**Mark:** Anne Francis is so fuckin' funny on that show

**Michael:** Do you know that someone once said in an interview, "Why are your hands like perched in front of your chest?" And she got it from the Kardashians. So she modeled it after them. And Brian and I noticed recently that *how* *many* times an episode she wipes her hair away from her face? But she does it in such a *specific* way

**Brennan:** But she's so delicate

**Nay:** And is there hair there to actually wipe away?

**Michael:** *Never*. Never. It's like a gay guy who has shaved sides and he's always doing that, like doing it behind his ears

**Nay:** I do that with my glasses when I'm not wearing them

**Michael:** But, I've been seeing a lot of stuff online lately just about how Catherine O'Hara's accent is just one-of-a-kind and it's so true

**Ben:** It's magical. It's so good.

**Michael:** It's beautiful

**Ben:** She's a treasure

**Michael:** Oh, I love her

**Brennan:** I do think the writers constructed this entire season out of getting her to say the word "baby" as many times as possible

**Michael:** "Bebe"? Oh, absolutely

**Brennan:** "Be-*be*!"

**Nay:** Hot

**Michael:** "It's not our fault you had a be-be."

**Ben:** (laughing) Yeah

**Michael:** (laughing) So great!

**Michael:** So that's about it. And I watched *Scream 4* recently because that seems to be getting like, *talked about* recently. People have started to-- someone from Fangoria was talking about it, so it kinda became a thing. I think it's because Netflix Canada ranked the *Scream* films

**Nay:** Mmm-hmm

**Michael:** And they put *Scream 2* first, so it started like a whole controversy?

**Nay:** Yes

**Michael:** And then (*Scream*) *4* kind of became the topic of conversation after that

**Mark:** *As* the resident Canadian, I am going to break with my country of origin and--

**Michael:** I will take your place, then

**Mark:** I am going to go on record and say that *Scream 2* is not better than the first *Scream*

**Brennan:** Seconded

**Michael:** I'm against you both

**Mark:** I'm sorry. The first *Scream*, just in terms of its existence, it was watershed. It basically created the revival of the subgenre in the Nineties

**Michael:** Created a subgenre, yeah

**Mark:** And I just think it's a slap in the face to *Scream* to say that *Scream 2* is better. And I say that as someone who thoroughly enjoys *Scream 2*, because Portia De Rossi

**Michael:** I mean that whole movie, I just love every second

**Brennan:** (as Portia de Rossi in *Scream 2*) "*Hi*. No, I really mean that. *Hi.*"

**Michael:** (as Portia de Rossi in *Scream 2*) "Harmonica style's okay."

**Ben:** Oh my God, I love that

**Michael:** So yeah, I watched horror again recently and I know (*Scream 4*) had a lot of shit going on behind the scenes while it was being made…

**Mark:** Yeah, there's stuff. (chuckling) I'll just leave it at that, yeah

**Michael:** There was stuff publicly. Wes Craven even at one point during filming was interviewed and said, "It's not even my movie anymore."

**Mark:** Oh, God

**Michael:** He literally used those words

**Mark:** *Wow.* He said this on record?

**Michael:** He said this on record.

**Mark:** *Yeah*

**Michael:** They're like, "What do you mean?" And he's like, "There was a point where I was making Kevin's script and then I started making somebody else's."

**Nay:** (chuckling) Okay

**Mark:** Gross!

**Michael:** So he kind of had to backtrack three days later, but the movie actually plays better now than it did eight years ago

**Brennan:** Oh, absolutely!

**Michael:** So

**Mark:** Doesn't it end with Emma Roberts getting electrocuted?

**Michael:** She gets… the paddles, the reviving paddles

**Mark:** The defibrillator

**Michael:** Defibrillator *on her head* by Sidney

**Mark:** *Wow*

**Ben:** Fuck

**Nay:** *Sidney*

**Mark:** Ornate

**Nay:** Sid!

**Michael:** But her whole motive is amazing

**Mark:** It's something

**Michael:** "I don't need friends, I need fans." It's so fucking awesome. It's *so* today. It was ahead of its time in that way

**Ben:** *Sick*

**Nay:** That's true

**Nay:** I have been in a little bit of a grief hole all week after the passing of Nipsey Hussle. And of course have like, revisited his discography *all week*, over and over again. And came across this song I was not aware of. It's actually a YG song that features Nipsey, it's called "F.DT." which stands for "Fuck Donald Trump".

**Michael:** *Mmmm!*

**Mark:** All right, I'm listening

**Nay:** And the whole chorus is basically, "Fuck Donald Trump," and it was just really cathartic

**Michael:** Oh, good!

**Nay:** To listen to that song, and to scream that song along with

**Mark:** It really is a tragedy

**Nay:** Yeah

**Mark:** I'm glad someone's in custody, but he was really invested in giving back to the community

**Nay:** Yup

**Michael:** Sure was

**Mark:** It was just really like, "*Really?*"

**Nay:** Yeah. I think it hit really hard for a lot of folks. And like with anyone's death, especially the death of a man, a straight man, it's complicated. There's like a complicated history of opinions and ideas and I think for a lot of us, at least for myself, as I get older, I am more aware of how problematic maybe some of my faves have or have not been

**Michael:** Mmm-hmm

**Nay:** And there's been a lot going around on the internet this week about like, how we mourn folks who have said things we don't agree with, or have said things that are detrimental to our communities. And I think that for myself, as a Black woman, as a Black person, as a queer Black person *in* Los Angeles for many years now, the death hit me really hard, and I mean (sighs) as someone who is really invested in hip-hop and has always felt really attached to it, I have, like many folks, favorite artists and songs who as a grown-er person now, have to really examine and think about. But regardless of all of those things, it was definitely a hard, sad week. I wasn't far from the store during the shooting--

**Michael:** Oh jeez!

**Nay:** And so I saw the helicopters and couldn't leave my friend's house for hours, just because it sounded scary outside, you know? Like lots of helicopters, lots of sirens, lots of voices, and so I was just pouring my grief into listening to his music, but also creating a memorial piece--

**Michael:** Yeah, that's what you said.

**Nay:** We're gonna install this weekend

**Michael:** Oh, cool! I can't wait to see it

**Nay:** Yeah, it's pretty cool. Thank you. But yeah, check out "F.D.T."

**Mark:** I really feel like *around*, especially *Leaving Neverland* coming out, the conversation around how do we reassess or absorb problematic art or absorb art by problematic people has sort of shifted a little bit. Because I think it was people-- you know, when it's a supernova like Michael Jackson, it's music that's so a part of so many people's lives that it's Impossible to just sort of like-- I mean, look, I don't believe in cancel culture, I believe in "two things can be true at once"

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** Right

**Mark:** Someone can be a genius and a total fucking monster

**Nay:** Oh, absolutely

**Mark:** That you don't necessarily need to hire or give money to, but you can still appreciate stuff in the past, you know what I mean? But I think it's personal and it's individual for everybody. But it's interesting. (To Nay) *I'm* interested to hear you talk more, because I haven't heard you talk much in the past about what it means to you to reassess your relationship to artists you adore that you also go, "*Oh*. And you're also *this,*" you know?

**Nay:** Uh, yeah. I think a very long story short is that for people who have multiple marginalized identities, and I think *especially* for me as a fat person, it's like almost every single person in my life is fatphobic. Or at some point has said something to me that's really fucked up. I have lived an existence that has constantly *had* to compromise with loved ones, with co-workers-- and I'm not saying that anyone *has* to do that or doesn't have to do that. But something that came up for me a lot was like, thinking about when my Mom passes, or like her sisters, people that raised me, that I love very much. I will be *so* full of grief. I will also be like, "That person was racist." Like, straight-up. Like not even coding, like says racist things, thinks they are not a racist for saying those things, which is the worst kind of racist. Like way more scary than the people that are like, "Yeah, I'm racist." And obviously that's your family and that means a lot of different things to people, but I think I'm very used to understanding that more than one reality can be true at the same time, and so, I would be hurt if when a family member of mine died and someone was just like, "That person was racist trash." But I couldn't necessarily disagree with them. I'd be like, "I'm still really hurt, but that's not false." And I think it's really important to acknowledge all of those things at once, because *that is what is happening* and *that is what is true*. And so, we have to do that, regardless of what has come out about a particular person or artist, it's like that *may not have* extinguished your grief in that moment. It might have added to it, if anything.

**Michael:** Well, I think we live in a world now, too, where being conflicted is not okay to people for some reason. It's like, you gotta accept either "A" or "B"

**Nay:** Yeah. But it's like you need to be!

**Michael:** Yeah. It's like--

**Mark:** I think living in the question sometimes can be like, "Well, some things are just not, there's just no clear answer," but trying to have twenty-twenty vision about all sides of an issue or a *person* or whatever

**Michael:** Anything

**Mark:** In Program, people say at the end of twelve-step meetings, "Take what you like, but leave the rest." And I think that applies to, not just to situations, but also you know, to people you meet

**Michael:** Yeah

**Mark:** Doesn't mean you have to spend all your time with them, or like, you know, marry them, but it *does* mean everybody's got something good about 'em, but... everybody's problematic as fuck!

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** We all have things we regret. I know I do. I mean, when my Dad died a year ago Saturday, and the past year has been conflicted 'coz I love my Dad, but there's parts of him where I'm like, "*Ohh*."

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** Like it's my grief and my view of my Dad is completely different than one of my siblings

**Nay:** Yeah. Oh, absolutely! Yeah!

**Mark:** And it doesn't make it any less true, right?

**Michael:** Exactly, right?

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** So like, you, what I'm finding now, it took me about eleven months, but channeling it into art is really helping me

**Nay:** Fuck yeah

**Michael:** Isn't it great?

**Nay:** I hear that, yeah

**Michael:** It's so cool, so--

**Nay:** Yes

**Michael:** Something good can come out of it

**Nay:** Yeah

**Mark:** I channel my grief into *murder*

**Michael:** To murder me tomorrow

**Mark:** You wanna know the truth? I sat here and I delayed and I punted to you guys because I can't fucking remember. That's how tired I am

**Michael:** Well you've been so busy

**Mark:** I've had such a stupid week that I am, stupid busy week that I am just like, "What did I watch?"

**Michael:** Do you remember driving here?

**Nay:** Oh no

**Mark:** I do

**Michael:** Do you ever have that?

**Nay:** Yes!

**Michael:** You're like, "How the *fuck* did I just get here?"

**Mark:** (vapid white girl voice) "I don't even know how I got here."

**Michael:** As you're putting it in park

**Mark:** (vapid white girl voice) "Did you drive me?"

**Michael:** (vapid white girl voice) "Oh wait, I'm alone."

**Mark:** (vapid white girl voice) "Are you my Uber?" (normal voice) We rewatched *Mulholland Drive*. *God,* what a beautiful movie. That's all

**Michael:** I haven't seen that movie in a really long time. It might be time for a revisit

**Mark:** It's so beautiful. It's so-- I mean, it should be covered on this pod someday

**Michael:** Yeah

**Mark:** It really is, like I think, in a filmmaker's canon that I truly adore, I think it's definitely top five. Possibly top three

**Michael:** I gotta revisit that

**Mark:** It's *stunning*

**Michael:** I haven't seen that probably in fifteen years

**Mark:** Yeah, just amazing work all around in that movie, and it manages to be funny and strange and terrifying and very moving, too

**Michael:** I feel like it would be the type of movie too, where, I haven't seen it in forever, but the type of movie where you see something new every time you watch it

**Mark:** *Yes!* Yes. Absolutely. So I highly recommend it. It was almost as good… I'm just kidding.

**(Everyone laughs)**

**Mark:** I was going to low-key introduce this week's movie, but I couldn't do that to *Mulholland Drive*

**Ben:** Don't do it. Don't do it

**Michael:** We also need to hear about what Ben's been watching

**Mark:** I know!

**Ben:** A couple days ago, my fiancee was out of town and I was like, "You know what? I'm gonna do laundry!" So I did my laundry and drank two bottles of wine and watched all ten episodes of season three of *Santa Clarita Diet*

**Nay:** *Yes!*

**Mark:** Oh!

**Brennan:** No spoilers, please

**Ben:** I didn't even realize that I had watched the entire thing until it was over, and I was just like, "No. I want more!" I just love that show so much

**Nay:** Me too

**Ben:** I think Drew Barrymore is a goddamn angel

**Nay:** Fuckin' love her

**Ben:** And watching her in this family comedy in which she's eating people all over the place and blood is splattering all the walls, I'm just like, "This is quality television and I need more of it."

**Nay:** I completely agree, and I *love* that show

**Ben:** It's so good!

**Nay:** And I watched all of it as well

**Michael:** I couldn't get into it

**Brennan:** I'm so impressed by both of you. I'm only on episode one, but it's *really good*!

**Michael:** Episode one of season one?

**Brennan:** Of season three, the new season

**Michael:** I hoped it was the pilot. That would've been funnier

**Brennan:** I'm not *that* behind

**Michael:** I *do* love Timothy Olyphant

**Nay:** Yes

**Brennan:** So good

**Ben:** He's dreamy

**Brennan:** But I did tweet about this moment, so I know you all read it. There's a part in the first episode where (Timothy Olyphant) is impersonating a scholar-- it's a mini-heist of information, basically. And he has to pretend he's a scholar. And while he's like, "Oh yes, I'm a scholar, trying to study this thing." And he just holds up a pen as if it's his credentials. Like, "Look, I couldn't possibly be lying to you. I'm holding up a pen. Only scholars have pens." And it's just such a subtle, little physical tic and it's so beautiful

**Mark:** Timothy Olyphant is consistently under-appreciated

**Michael:** I agree. He's good in everything he does

**Mark:** Timothy, you hear this? You're great!

**Michael:** (whispering) We'll whisper this in your ear, Timothy.

**Mark:** (whispering) You're doing so good!

**Michael:** (whispering) Feel free to come! On the show!

**Nay:** Oh, wow. *Okay*

**Ben:** *Wow*. Yeah yeah yeah. Either way

**Michael:** That, too

**Mark:** *Oh!* It's hard being this classy all the time

**Michael:** I didn't intend it to be that way, by the way, just paused at the wrong part

**Brennan:** (to Ben) Did you watch anything else?

**Ben:** No, that's all that I really watched-- oh, no! I just got Shudder--

**Michael:** Ohhhhh! Good job, Ben

**Ben:** Yeah. We got it so that we could watch *A Discovery of Witches*, because my fiancee read those books and really loved it. Matthew Goode? He's on that show and I think he is--

**Michael:** He's dreamy

**Ben:** *So dreamy*.

**Michael:** Mmm-hmm

**Ben:** I love him so much

**Michael:** *Stoker*? Highly recommended

**Ben:** I actually haven't seen that one. Okay, gonna have to check that out. But while I was going through everything that's on Shudder, I watched *You Might Be the Killer*

**Michael:** Oh, I watched that recently

**Brennan:** Oh, that movie's so fun!

**Ben:** It's so fun! And I love Alyson Hannigan, and it was-- I love that kind of thing, you know, they lay out the rules and then just completely fuck with them. I thought that was great

**Michael:** Do you know that movie's based on a Twitter thread?

**Ben:** Is it really?

**Michael:** Yeah

**Ben:** I did not know that

**Michael:** It's based on-- I forget the two guys. Chuck Wendig, I think, was the recipient of the first tweet, and it was like, I dunno if he knew the guy or not, but the guy was like, "Chuck. I'm at a camp. All the counselors are dead. What do I do?" And they literally went back and forth for like a hundred and fifty tweets that became a meme

**Ben:** That's so funny

**Michael:** And they turned it into a film. (sotto voce) I actually think the tweets are better than the movie

**Brennan:** But Fran Kranz wasn't in the tweets

**Michael:** Yeah. He's good in that

**Mark:** (bored and sarcastic) Ew, meta summer camp horror. Boo! Blech.

**Michael:** (faux disgust) "*One of those*"

**Mark:** I know. (bored and sarcastic) ***Yawn***

**Michael:** I actually watched Joe Bob too, I forgot

**Mark:** What was the double feature?

**Michael:** It was…

**Brennan:** Wasn't it *C.H.U.D.*?

**Michael:** *C.H.U.D.* and *Castle Freak* (1995), which was so fun to watch.

**Brennan:** The bomb

**Michael:** I hadn't seen that in forever, and I didn't realize-- I didn't really watch any of the Joe Bob stuff that came out last year, but I watched all of Friday and it was a lot of fun. He went on a rant about the Miss America pageant, it was really funny. *So* problematic

**Mark:** Yeah, I remember when Joe Bob came back and I was like, "Yay, Joe Bo-- oh. Oh God. Oh God!"

**Michael:** Yeah, that's kind of why I stepped away for a minute

**Mark:** Yeah. And so, as like Nay, you were talking about, problematic faves. You're like, "Oh, there's Uncle Joe Bob…"

**Nay:** Oooof. So scary

**Mark:** "We love him. Gosh, we love him because he shows up on the TV to bring us *C.H.U.D.*"

**Michael:** Yeah!. And he also had Barbara Crampton

**Mark:** And we're also like, "Shhhh. (indistinct) Joe Bob."

**Michael:** And then he also had, he celebrated Barbara Crampton's career. And she was on

**Mark:** She seems pretty awesome

**Michael:** And she was great

**Mark:** She seems like, insanely lovely

**Michael:** Yes. She tweeted today that she wants to be the "Betty White of horror" and I could not want anything more for her

**Brennan:** Awww!

**Mark:** How could you not love, how do you not love?

**Michael:** Right? She's like, "I wanna talk about the horror movies I've done for the next thirty years just like Betty White and her comedies," so--

**Mark:** Come *on*!

**Michael:** I'm like, someone write a role for her! I will write a role for her

**Mark:** Amen

**Mark and Michael:** (sing the rhythm to "My Sharona")

**Mark:** (ghoulish voice) La Llorona!

**Michael:** I was gonna say, (to the tune of "My Sharona") "Is it over?"

**Brennan:** Uh, rude, first of all. This is all I have!

**Michael:** Just messin' with ya, Brennan

**Brennan:** This is my entire brand, Michael. I've been tagged in so many tweets

**Michael:** I was telling Mark last week outside the show how much I've been enjoying--

**Brennan:** Awww! Thank you

**Michael:** Yeah. Love your "La Llorona Corner".

**Brennan:** I'm blushing

**Mark:** (brightly) Anyway, it's time for a bathroom break!

**Brennan:** For those not in the know, because I feel like Ben's gonna get us new listeners who haven't heard me talk before, so. La Llorona is a Mexican folk tale, she's a woman who was spurned by her man, she drowned her kids in the river. If your kids go out after dark, she's gonna drown them too

**Michael:** And you've been talking about these--

**Mark:** It's her brand

**Brennan:** Yeah

**Michael:** Several weeks, how many weeks in a row now? Six?

**Brennan:** Oh, God. Eighteen nine thousand?

**Mark:** Approximately nine thousand

**Michael:** He was talking about one a week for the past six weeks or so

**Ben:** Oh, I've been listening

**Michael:** Oh

**Ben:** I'm a fan of "La Llorona Corner"

**Michael:** All right, cool!

**Nay:** (weird voice) *Oh my God*

**Brennan:** Well, this one--

**Michael:** I actually saw the tweet where (Ben) discovered the show. You like tweeted something.

**Ben:** Yeah?

**Michael:** "How the hell did I not know about this show?"

**Ben:** 'Cause this show is everything that I've ever wanted to listen to

**Nay:** Oh my God, thank you!

**Michael:** We asked Katharine McPhee to give it to the gays and she did

**Brennan:** Anyway, so--

**Michael:** Can't wait to hear the title of this one

**Brennan:** It's not that interesting. I'm sorry

**Michael:** Dammit. It's not *KM 31-2*?

**Brennan:** No. This is one that I teased, this is the animated one that I watched.

**Michael:** Oh!

**Nay:** Oh!

**Mark:** They did an animated La Llorona movie?

**Brennan:** Yeah. It's called *La Lleyenda de La Llorona*, which means, "The Legend of La Llorona". It's actually the second in a children's spooky franchise in Mexico. It's *huge* in Mexico

**Mark:** Really, this corner always has surprises

**Brennan:** There's twists and turns

**Michael:** Around every corner!

**Brennan:** They've done a bunch, there's been like five movies and a Netflix TV show based on this property. They've done movies about La Nuhala, the mummies of Guanajuato, and the chupacabras, things like that.

**Nay:** (softly) *Yes*

**Mark:** Do love a chupacabra

**Nay:** Yes!

**Brennan:** These movies are set in the Eighteen Hundreds--

**Nay:** Scary

**Brennan:** *La Llorona* is actually the second one, so I was like, "I hope I have enough context to understand what's happening in this movie!" This particular one takes place in Xochimilco which is "The Cradle of Meso-American Farming". You learn so much! But anyway, so like I said I was a little nervous, but the opening scene, you know, it's kids running from La Llorona, it's a whole thing

**Michael:** (chuckling) Nervous?

**Mark:** (narrating as Brennan) "My fingers trembled as I pushed 'Play'..."

**Michael:** (as Brennan) "So baby, do we wanna do this?"

**Brennan:** I was just like, "How much context am I missing from not having seen the first movie?"

**Michael:** (as Catherine O'hara's character on Schitts Creek) Be-be

**Brennan:** At first I was great, but then the second scene is where we catch up with our main characters. Which is a young boy, an ancient knight, a dragon and two skeleton children in a hot air balloon

**Nay:** Yo, that sounds good

**Michael:** Yeah, I'm in

**Ben:** I'm into it

**Mark:** You sounded like Stefon just now

**Michael:** (as Stefon) "It had everything…"

**Mark:** (as Stefon) "*La Llorona* has *everything*…"

**Brennan:** There's also the ghost of a young girl who is like a Paris Hilton wannabe

**Michael:** Oh yeah, that is totally Stefon

**Mark:** Did like, La Llorona kill her?

**Michael:** Pole through her head?

**Brennan:** No no no, she was a ghost in the previous movie

**Mark:** (disappointed) Ohhh

**Brennan:** As you might have known if you'd seen *La Leyenda de La Nuhala*, which I have not seen

**Mark:** Got it

**Michael:** Shoot. I missed that one

**Brennan:** It's basically like if the voice actors from *Pokémon* were in a *Looney Tunes* cartoon directed by Tim Burton. It's *very* kiddie, but also pretty spooky at the same time. There's a creepy island full of living puppets that's part of this whole deal

**Nay:** I like that

**Michael:** Huh. I kind of dig that

**Nay:** Yeah

**Mark:** I love that this movie sounds like *Mad Libs*

**Michael:** It literally does. You're right. It sounds like a Stefon sketch

**Mark:** Yeah. You've been saying a bunch of stuff, and I'm just like, "This is one movie?"

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** John Mulaney wrote this for him to read

**Brennan:** No, it's truly bananas

**Michael:** Yeah. What's the animation look like, if you don't mind me asking. Is it digital, is it hand-drawn?

**Brennan:** It was interesting, because the backgrounds were mostly 3D animated, or at least by my untrained eye

**Michael:** Uh-huh

**Brennan:** But the characters are 2D animated. I don't know if that's on a computer or hand-drawn or whatever the situation is

**Nay:** Interesting

**Brennan:** But it's an interesting contrast

**Michael:** Yeah, that does sound cool

**Brennan:** Yeah. It was cool. I wouldn't say it was like, *beautiful* necessarily, but it was interesting and it was drawing me in

**Michael:** It was unique?

**Brennan:** Yeah. It was definitely unique

**Michael:** Cool

**Brennan:** This movie, a little bit pulled its punches with the *story* of La Llorona in terms of *she didn't actually kill her kids* in this one. Her kids *did* straight-up the hell die, but it was more of an accident

**Nay:** (skeptically) Sure…

**Brennan:** They were rafting, and she saw that her house was on fire--

**Mark:** She was framed

**Brennan:** No, she went to put out her house--

**Michael:** She pulled a prank on them

**Brennan:** And the kids floated away down the river on the raft and just drowned in the process

**Mark:** Oh, she's just neglectful

**Brennan:** Basically

**Mark:** She's just a shitty mother

**Brennan:** Still one of the creepier cinematic La Lloronas that I have come across. Like, when she's floatin' around beng all sad and wailing, it was actually pretty eerie and atmospheric. It was an interesting movie, I'd say like, six out of ten. It was *very*-- it was for children, it was for children

**Michael:** Brennan, I smell a La Llorona book in your future

**Mark:** Yeah

**Brennan:** Oh! I'm *definitely* writing an article. Stay tuned

**Michael:** You should do a whole book

**Brennan:** I *should*!

**Michael:** Mmm-hmm

**Brennan:** I mean, yeah. I really actually want to talk to Lorena Villarreal who directed that telenovela-esque one that I really liked, from 2004

**Michael:** Oh, yeah

**Brennan:** I wanna know why she was thanked in *Roma*, I wanna know her whole history. And I want to hire her for something

**Michael:** I hope you get to go to a press event of *The Curse of* (*La Llorona*)

**Brennan:** Oh, I certainly will not be invited

**Nay:** (sing-song) *Join the club!*

**Mark:** "In fact, *I* received a restraining order! From the filmmakers of…"

**Brennan:** Although on Twitter, the *real* La Llorona did reach out, so it's been very exciting

**Mark:** *Oh*, that's so nice

**Michael:** I think I did see that

**Mark:** She loves her fans

**Brennan:** She does! I asked for signed photos. She said to meet her down by the river, so I'm gonna do that right after the recording

**Nay:** (chuckling) *O-kay*

**Mark:** *Oh my God!* I love that

**Brennan:** It's gonna be great

**Mark:** Oh, it's so great when you meet your idols

**Brennan:** I know. I hope she doesn't turn out to be mean or something

**Michael:** I hope it turns out to be Rachel Dratch

**Nay:** *Oh. My. God.*

**Mark:** And she's like (as Rachel Dratch) "Hi! Oh, you have a pen?" Glug glug glug!

**Michael:** I *love* her

**Nay:** Oh, me too

**Mark:** The best

**Michael:** So fuckin' funny. I love that she shows up in everything. She showed up on *Last Week Tonight* a couple of weeks ago, it was like, "What the fuck is she doing?"

**Mark:** I love her so much

**Michael:** Her and Cole Escola, I want them to do a romantic comedy together

**Mark:** Make it so, internet

**Brennan:** Oh! One last thing! There's a pun about cheeseballs that does not translate, but it's hilarious

**Nay:** 'Kay

**Brennan:** Anyway, moving on

**Michael:** Mark *is* dead

**Nay:** (to Mark) You love cheeseballs

**Mark:** (laughing) Oh my God! (laughing).I'm just… cheeseballs… bollas de queso?

**Michael:** Those are tasty

**Nay:** It's a kids' movie

**Brennan:** Uh, no

**Michael:** Like a cheese puff or incredible cheese

**Mark:** What? No, that's… my horrendous Spanish from this...

**Brennan:** It's like a slang term and I wasn't super familiar with it myself but It sounded like she was saying, "higos". And so, La Llorona says, "Ah, mis hijos!" But one time there's a fake scare where it's just a little girl going, "Ai, mis higos!" And it turns out it's just her and not La Llorona. Anyway

**Nay:** Kids are annoying

**Ben:** I love that's your takeaway

**Michael:** "Kill them all!"

**Mark:** "Drown them!"

**Brennan:** She was so annoying

**Nay:** Speaking of annoying kids…

**Michael:** Fucking annoying kids

**Nay:** Annoying and crazy kids

**Michael:** Forty-year-old kids

**Nay:** Do we have a movie for you

**Mark:** Holy shit

**(X) in the Sorority Row trailer:** If we all stick to the same story no one will ever know

**Mark:** Spoiler alert: Everyone's lives are ruined by being in *Sorority Row*. Oh my God

**Nay:** Ben! We let our guests choose the movie we discuss

**Ben:** I'm sorry, everyone

**Nay:** *No!*

**Mark:** Are you mad at us?

**Ben:** This literally feels like in my book club, the last time I picked a book, everyone was just like, "I *hated* it."

**Nay:** "Fuck you." (laughs)

**Michael:** He actually picked the *Sorority Row* screenplay for the book club

**Mark:** What was the book?

**Ben:** Uh, it was…

**Michael:** The *Sorority Row* screenplay

**Ben:** *The House of Impossible Beauties*

**Mark:** Oh, I don't know that book

**Ben:** Uh, it's--

**Mark:** They were like, "No! Fuck you!"

**Ben:** No, there was this one guy who legitimately was like *mad* to be sitting there discussing this book, and I'm just like…

**Brennan:** He didn't have to come

**Michael:** I think *Sorority Row* is trashy, I think it's trashy fun

**Ben:** And I feel like that's what's happening now

**Mark:** No

**Ben:** "It's trashy fun", mmm-hmm.

**Nay:** No, it was really fun

**Michael:** Mmm-hmm. I had a good time. I've seen it like three times, so--

**Nay:** Yeah

**Mark:** I like to clutch my pearls around trash--

**Ben:** Totally

**Mark:** And be like, (haughtily) "How dare you!"

**Ben:** (haughtily) "How dare you!"

**Mark:** But mostly I'm also like, "I'm seriously glad that we got to talk about this."

**Michael:** I always like a good (indistinct) too

**Nay:** So, *Sorority Row*. Why did you pick *Sorority Row*, Ben?

**Ben:** I picked *Sorority Row*-- when I first…

**Michael:** He's actually Rumer Willis

**Ben:** I am. That was me with a wig. No, when I first saw it in theaters--

**Michael:** Oh, good for you!

**Ben:** I saw it in theaters (pause for applause from Michael) When I saw it in theaters, the trailer and the poster and everything just set it up to be this very basic slasher film and I was just like, "Ah. I'm gonna go see that." 'Coz I will see anything in theaters that is slasheriffic. But then when I saw it, I laughed my ass off. Like I thought it was so funny, there was some campy quality to the whole thing I just loved. And Leah Pipes, who plays Jessica, I think she is--

**Mark:** Sociopath

**Michael:** She really is, it's amazing

**Ben:** She's my queen. She had all of these amazing one-liners and I'm just like, "Oh, we don't deserve this."

**Michael:** I *do* laugh out loud every single time they find Megan's rotting corpse

**Brennan:** Oh, I have a clip of that

**Ben:** Oh yes+

**Nay:** (as X) "She looks awful!"

**Ben:** Yes!

**Michael:** (as X) "She looks terrible!"

**Brennan:** I have a clip if you guys wanna hear that

**Michael:** And Briana Evigan's character is just like, "Oh, it's Megan." So no one's like, "Rotting corpse?!?"

**Ben:** Yeah

**Mark:** I just wanna go ahead and say that *Sorority Row* is definitely the best movie where Audrina Patridge is rolled in a blanket and dropped down a mineshaft, okay? I'm just gonna say--

**Ben:** This is the best of that genre

**Mark:** It absolutely slaps in that very particular Blockbuster section

**Michael:** Well I love that they talk about dismembering her--

**Nay:** You do love that part!

**Michael:** And throwing her in a lake…

**Ben:** Uh-huh

**Michael:** But then they decide, "Well, it's a whole body so we have to throw that down a mineshaft."

**Mark:** Yeah

**Michael:** Throw the head in the lake!

**Ben:** Because the dismembering part was when she was still alive, when they were still playing the prank

**Michael:** Ohhh, right

**Ben:** And they were just trying to make it sound as terrible as possible

**Michael:** Part of the prank was "Grab sharp rocks so we can dismember the body"

**Mark:** Keep 👏 up 👏 Michael! 👏

**Ben:** And then they said something about having to puncture her lungs to get the air out

**Nay:** Correct

**Ben:** And that's where the whole prank goes south

**Nay:** Garrett lost it

**Michael:** (whispers) Garrett

**Nay:** (chuckling) Oh, Garrett

**Mark:** I think the big takeaway for me in this movie right off the bat is, you know, someone like Leah Pipes who is-- she literally seemed like the meanest realtor. *Ever*

**Ben:** Yeah

**Nay:** (laughing) Those pearls!

**Ben:** Meanest realtor for sure

**Mark:** Yeah, like she was having-- oh my God

**Michael:** Future *Bachelorette*

**Mark:** *Oh my God*, yeah!  "I'm not here to make friends," yeah. She was gonna--

**Michael:** (as Leah Pipes) "Austin's gonna get my heart, not yours."

**Mark:** (as Leah Pipes) "Hey, can I borrow him for a sec?"

**Michael:** Mmmmmm, I like that

**Mark:** But she-- like you said, there's laugh lines and whatever, but watching it-- I also saw it in the theater, out of sheer I don't remember why, but I do remember seeing it

**Ben:** Yeah

**Mark:** And then revisiting it this week, I was watching and thinking, "Oh, this was *written* as a pitch-black comedy. This was written-- and it seemed the director did not *know* this or either--"

**Michael:** Yes. I agree with you

**Mark:** Either did not know this or did not realize that washing everything in green? All the time was going to tonally make it feel weird. But if this had felt more like *Legally Blond*e gone berserk?

**Ben:** Oh yeah

**Mark:** I think it could've been kind of super fun. So, y'know, I dunno. But as it is, this movie gave me the clap.

**Michael:** Well, that's the thing. It felt like *half* of them knew it was camp, and the other half didn't

**Mark:** Yeah, no. There's actors in this movie that have zero--

**Michael:** They're playing straight-up. They're doing drama

**Mark:** Who ever played Audrina's sister?

**Michael:** *Ahhh, my God*, I *loved her*

**Ben:** *Ohhhh*

**Mark:** Legend.

**Ben:** Yeah

**Mark:** I dunno who she is. I was like, "Are you a teenage runaway that like, stumbled into this?"

**Ben:** Has she worked again?

**Mark:** "How did you…?"

**Michael:** They found her in that house on a location scout

**Mark:** But she has no reaction to anything

**Michael:** I love at the end when they're doing the Theta Pi thing…

**Ben:** Her big, vacant eyes

**Michael:** And her head is doing this. I'm like, "Who is she looking at?"

**Mark:** Yep

**Michael:** That's my favorite. Brian rewound that like three times

**Ben:** So good

**Nay:** (sotto voce) *Okay, Brian*

**Mark:** Well, she learned it from watching Audrina

**Nay:** How do y'all feel about pranks, in general?

**Michael:** I'm not a huge prank person

**Nay:** Fuck no

**Michael:** Right?

**Nay:** They're horrible. I want everyone--

**Michael:** They always go too far

**Nay:** There's just no point! And it's not just because I really hate nonsense. I just want everyone in my life to know it's not funny.: Don't take my keys, my wallet, my phone, act like they're gone, pretend that my Mom died, like nothing

**Ben:** Pretend that your mom died? Well, that's--

**Nay:** No, people do, people do stupid shit like that

**Michael:** Brian had fake blood for Halloween one year

**Nay:** No, fuck you Brian

**Michael:** And he screamed in the bathroom

**Nay:** *No!*

**Ben:** No

**Michael:** He goes, "Ow!" And I knew he was shaving. And I just, in the bedroom was like, "You okay?" And he didn't answer me, and I just kept going, "Is everything all right?" And I *did not* get up. So he walked into the bedroom with his hand on his neck and blood, and I'm like, "That's not real, honey." And he's like, "Dammit!" But he had then told me that one time he was gonna lie on the kitchen floor, covered in blood and see what I was gonna do. I was like, "I would've killed you."

**Mark:** It's like, "I would break up with you."

**Michael:** Yeah, it's like, "You would be single."

**Nay:** First of all, you are going to pay my therapy costs for the rest of my life--

**Michael:** (giggling) He's gonna kill me for real when he hears this

**Nay:** No. I would probably end a relationship over that

**Brennan:** Oh-ho yeah

**Nay:** Like, it's *really* not funny to me

**Michael:** He asked, "What would you have done?" I would've moved out.

**Nay:** Yeah, fuck you

**Ben:** *Bye*

**Mark:** I feel like people know not to pull pranks on me, because I'm the person that if you take me to Knott's Scary Farm or whatever, I can't go through a haunted house-- you know that scene in *Ferris Bueller's Day Off* when Jennifer Grey catches the principal there and she kicks him in the face?

**Michael:** Mmm-hmm.

**Mark:** That's me in every haunted house

**Nay: *Yes!***

**Mark:** I can't abide it. I will literally *watch* any scary movie. But, the second you put me into a situation where I am scared? My body does not understand fake. My body goes into fight or flight…

**Michael:** I getcha

**Mark:** Okay, for example. In Orange, and it moved, I think it's coming to Culver City in a couple months, but there is a VR experience called *Alien*: *Descent*--

**Michael:** Oh, yeah

**Brennan:** Yeah, at the Outlets

**Michael:** Bryan went to that, right?

**Mark:** Uh, yes. Went with Bryan and *holy shit*. This was a full-body kind of experience where I had not done it before, but you literally were on LV-426, *you're* looking at facehuggers, *you* have a Pulse Rifle--

**Nay:** No.

**Mark:** You're in an elevator that is shaking--

**Michael:** Oh, I want it, gimme this

**Mark:** And Xenomorphs are shaking it, they're jumping up, crawling in--

**Ben:** Super into this

**Michael:** Oh, me too

**Mark:** It's amazing. But the first time I did it, I literally *screamed* the *entire* thirteen minutes that it lasted

**Ben:** Oh, I love

**Mark:** I screamed like a crazy person

**Michael:** I hope Bryan recorded it

**Mark:** And he was like, he was like, "It's okay, it's okay!" And I'm like, (pretending to scream) "They're coming everywhere! We're gonna fucking die!!!!" (normal voice) I lost my shit. And afterwards, I was like, my body did not know that was just a fun little game. My body *does not*-- I don't understand, it just doesn't understand. So no

**Ben:** I personally love being scared so much. Love haunted houses

**Michael:** Same

**Nay:** (sotto voce) *Oh my God*

**Ben:** The initial scare happens, and then I scream and then I laugh uncontrollably

**Michael:** Same. It's so fun

**Ben:** Like I have such a great time. And because of that, I definitely have done some pranks. Nothing crazy. But I have definitely hid in a closet for up to fifteen, twenty minutes, waiting for the person that I am trying to scare to come into the room--

**Nay:** Oh, no

**Ben:** And I'm just like, "I'm gonna wait right here, I'm gonna be so quiet. It's gonna be so worth it." And sometimes it is

**Michael:** Yeah

**Ben:** And I laugh so hard!

**Michael:** In Brian's defense, I love the same stuff Ben was just talking about, so I think Brian thought it would be funny to do that to me? As part of a Halloween trick, and I was like, "No. Nothing like that, please."

**Ben:** No, that's not scary, that's like life changing-ly terrible

**Michael:** (softly) That's mean

**Brennan:** Yeah

**Michael:** I'm glad he did do it. Good job, honey!

**Brennan:** Me, too! Mark, I'm right there with you on the real-life haunted house scares, it's just too much.

**Mark:** Yep

**Brennan:** I cannot handle it

**Mark:** Nope

**Michael:** I'm like, "*Inject it in my veins!*"

**Mark:** I would punch each and every one of those non-union actors

**Nay:** Absolutely. They fucking deserve it! Fuck you

**Michael:** They really commit, too

**Brennan:** Yeah.

**Brennan:** But the thing is, I really detest and abhor horror pranks *as* an adult, but we all have a past we're not proud of. In elementary school I was the *king* of April Fools' Day

**Nay:** Oh, lord!

**Michael:** Ooooh

**Ben:** Oh, no

**Michael:** Did it say so in the yearbook?

**Brennan:** *No*. I wasn't that (indistinct)

**Nay:** What the fuck did you do?

**Brennan:** Here's what happened: I put salt in my Dad's sugar bowl, and he always put sugar in his cereal in the mornings, he used to do that. And he would get so mad, because I was ruining his breakfast. And you know, it's the morning and you *are* not prepared to be emotionally dealing with eating a bowl of, mouthful of salt

**Ben:** No

**Nay:** Your dad's like, "Fuck these kids!"

**Ben:** That's the wrong time

**Mark:** I'd abandon you

**Nay:** You're never eating cereal again

**Brennan:** Here's the thing: I'm not proud of this, but I *am*, 'coz I was a very smart child. But a year after that, or I did it for a couple years, and eventually he started catching on. So what I did was I put salt in the sugar bowl, but I put a thin layer of sugar on top so when he tested the sugar--

**Ben:** Oh, shit

**Brennan:** It tasted like sugar--

**Michael:** Ahhhhh

**Ben:** That was diabolical

**Nay:** You little creep

**Brennan:** And when he dipped the spoon in...

**Michael:** You fucker

**Nay:** Yeah

**Ben:** Diabolical!

**Mark:** Brennan Klein, child monster

**Ben:** Yeah

**Nay:** Oh my God

**Brennan:** And that's my prank legacy

**Michael:** (as Brennan) "And that's the day my Dad left."

**Brennan:** He went out to get sugar and he never came back

**Mark:** Yeah, exactly!

**Brennan:** Anyway, I regret all that except for I glued a penny to the concrete in front of my house.

**Michael:** Oh that's funny

**Brennan:** It's still there

**Nay:** *Wow*

**Ben:** Oh, that's funny

**Michael:** So, for people who haven't seen the movie--

**Brennan:** It's a lot of salt stuff

**Michael:** It starts out with a prank about Audrina Partridge's boyfriend had cheated on her--

**Mark:** It's *Patridge*

**Michael:** Patridge, *I'm sorry*. Cheated on her, so they, her sorority sisters, who includes his real-life real sister, give him roofies to give to her, so he can have with her, and that's the point?

**Mark:** But apparently they're not roofies, they're just like Alka-Seltzer?

**Ben:** Yeah

**Michael:** And they're like, her playing dead

**Nay:** Yeah. So he thinks--

**Michael:** He thinks he's gettin'--

**Nay:** He thinks he's date raping her and he's fine with it

**Michael:** Yeah

**Ben:** *Oh, man*

**Michael:** She's really, "Prank!"

**Nay:** She's like (as Audrina Patridge) "I got fake puke in my mouth waiting for the perfect mome!"

**Mark:** Good, clean fun

**Michael:** Yeah. He's like jamming his tongue down her throat. I'm like, "Where was she hiding that puke?"

**Ben:** *Oh, God*

**Nay:** Seriously

**Michael:** Y'know? And then she goes in fake convulsions and has--

**Nay:** Mmm-hmm

**Michael:** Foam coming out of her mouth, and puke and passes out so he thinks that she's dying, so they go to-- he thinks she died

**Nay:** *Yes*. They think she is dead

**Michael:** So they go to destroy the body

**Nay:** They drive out to an old mine

**Michael:** And then he stabs her with a tire-iron (chuckles) I love it!

**Mark:** You know what I love about this description? It feels like if *The Hills* did a Halloween special

**Ben:** You know it's coming back

**Nay:** Yeah

**Mark:** Because like the next sentence is, "Anyway, Audrina gets stabbed with a tire-iron right in her sternum and then Lauren and Heidi and Stephanie drag her to a mineshaft."

**Michael:** (as someone from *The Hills*) "Last week…"

**Mark:** "Meanwhile, Spencer gets hit by the Chevy." I mean, yeah

**Michael:** I love that it's so like, *wow*. There's like three rape jokes right off the top

**Nay:** Oh yeah

**Ben:** It's so problematic, going back and watching it

**Michael:** Mmm-hmm

**Ben:** So I own this movie and I literally watch it at least once a month

**Michael:** Oh, that's funny

**Ben:** I'm sorry! I apologize!

**Mark:** No! Listen. Everybody has a movie skeleton in their closet, where it's like, "Fuck yeah I watch that shit on the regular."

**Nay:** *Yeah*

**Michael:** Mmm-hmm

**Ben:** Yeah!

**Michael:** *Urban Legend* is that for me

**Mark:** See?

**Ben:** (sighing) *Oh yeah*

**Michael:** I love *Urban Legend*

**Nay:** I came home from New Hampshire with *two* copies of *Urban Legend*, because Scream Factory-- hey listen, our Scream Factory friends, they've been, they accidentally sent my friend in New Hampshire like three copies of *Urban Legend*

**Michael:** Oh, wow, cool

**Nay:** He emailed them and was like, "Hey, you sent me an extra copy of *Urban Legend*,..I'll send one back." Doesn't hear from anybody and then (*Urban Legends:*) *Final Cut* pops up, he's like, "Okay, what's going on?"

**Michael:** He hit the right button at checkout

**Mark:** (to Ben) Is there an activity you like to do while you're watching (*Sorority Row*) on its monthly schedule?

**Ben:** Um

**Michael:** Oh, that's a good question. Folding laundry…

**Ben:** *Yeah*. It's a good folding laundry movie

**Mark:** Do you just cry? Like is it during your crying jags?

**Ben:** Sometimes. No--

**Michael:** He plays Audrina

**Ben:** It's a good folding laundry movie

**Mark:** Yeah

**Ben:** And it's a good just sitting there with a--

**Mark:** That's what I did when I watched it

**Ben:** *Yeah*. I mean, that, just having some popcorn

**Mark:** Like, "Where are these socks? Oh look, that one died."

**Brennan:** Yeah

**Ben:** Answering emails

**Michael:** (as Mark) "Josh, I'm gonna do another load." (as Josh) "Honey, you're taking clean clothes out of the dresser!"

**Mark:** It's weird because I agree the movie has weirdly matured into a kind of adorably sort of problematic? Like it's sort of *so* sexist and *so* misogynistic

**Michael:** It's over the top

**Ben:** Yeah

**Mark:** And so, like literally every death is weirdly blowjob phallic--

**Nay and Ben:** Yes

**Mark:** (griff straight voice as the killer) "I'm gonna force this bitch to suck my cock!"

**Ben:** Yeah. Something *in* the mouth

**Nay:** No

**Ben:** Yeah

**Michael:** It's like a Listerine bottle?

**Nay:** I *loved* that scene

**Michael:** That scene's great, though

**Ben:** That's so good

**Mark:** There's like a truly repugnant kind of like aspect to like--

**Michael:** Like *Sleepaway Camp*'s like--

**Mark:** Yeah

**Michael:** Like rich cousin

**Mark:** Like a rich cousin who kind of married up, like married up a little bit

**Michael:** Like came from *Sleepaway Camp* and went to *Sorority Row*

**Mark:** Judy went to college

**Michael:** (chuckling) Oh my God! Judy's Jessica

**Mark:** Judy went to college, yeah. (To Ben) Remember Judy from *Sleepaway Camp*?

**Michael:** Side pony?

**Mark:** With the side pony? You've never seen *Sleepaway Camp*?

**Ben:** I don't think I've seen *Sleepaway Camp*

**Michael:** Fuckin' monster

**Mark:** Oh man. If you like Sorority Row--

**Nay:** Well, you have Shudder now…

**Ben:** Yes

**Nay and Michael:** It's on Shudder

**Ben:** Great

**Michael:** It's *Sorority Row* times a hundred

**Ben:** I love it

**Nay:** You definitely should watch it, you'd enjoy it

**Michael:** Every person is a fucking asshole (laughs)

**Nay:** It's… yeah

**Mark:** It's really truly some of the most unattractive personalities you'll ever come across in a horror movie

**Ben:** Thinking about it, yeah, there's at least four deaths that involve a foreign object being lodged into a woman's head

**Michael:** So there's Chugs…

**Nay:** Oh, *Chugs*

**Ben:** There's Chugs…

**Michael:** And then Jessica gets a tire-iron through her throat, yeah

**Ben:** Jessica… Jamie Chung's character whose name I can't remember

**Nay:** Oh, the flare gun

**Ben:** She gets shot with a flare gun in the mouth

**Nay:** I *love* that scene--

**Michael:** That was actually a very good set piece

**Nay:** All the bubbles, or the foam, I loved that

**Michael:** That was a good set piece

**Ben:** Yeah

**Nay:** And the lights

**Ben:** And then the random naked girl in the shower gets it like, up through the bottom of her face

**Michael:** Oh, that's right

**Nay:** Yeah

**Ben:** But then you see it in her mouth

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** I was happy we got to at least see like, man butt and abs. There was some

**Nay:** Lots of-- First, the opening scene, with the pillow fight, there's a lot of pajamas with the ass open

**Mark:** (amused, deep voice) **Man butt**

**Ben:** I remember sitting in the theater--

**Mark:** The lone woman of color, no, that's not true, there's Jamie Chung, but yeah, she's at the very beginning in that party and then she had the good sense to--

**Nay:** I was like, get the *fuck* out of that party

**Mark:** Leave that party--

**Ben:** Yeah, she leaves the party

**Mark:** She leaves the movie *entirely*. She's like, "No."

**Michael:** What were you gonna say, Ben?

**Ben:** Just like sitting in the theater and watching that first sequence, as a baby gay, like filmmaker wannabe, watching this thing, I was like, "This is beautiful! I love it so much!" And then as soon as Briana (Evigan) started doing her choreographed dance number--

**Michael:** *Oh my God*

**Ben:** I was like, "I am *in* no matter what."

**Nay:** (laughing) *Yo!*

**Michael:** Had she done *Step Up* yet? Was this before or after *Step Up*?

**Ben:** I think this was post..

**Nay:** 'Coz it wasn't the first one, right?

**Ben:** It was *Step Up 2: The Streets*

**Michael:** It was *Step-Up 4*

**Ben:** Yeah

**Michael:** I think she was in part four

**Ben:** She was in *Step Up 2: The Streets*

**Michael:** Like, is it a nod to *Step Up* or *Step Up* saw that and were like--

**Nay:** They were like, "*Her!* We want her."

**Michael:** "Get her in here!"

**Ben:** Because of that little two second little dance number

**Mark:** (gruffly) "Get me that girl!"

**Michael:** My favorite part in that scene though, is when her character walks up the steps and there's a dude standing against the wall, with a bathrobe completely open, flexing, drinking a beer solo and I'm just like, "What did they tell this extra?"

**Ben:** Yeah

**Michael:** I like, wanna know the--

**Nay:** "Be yourself."

**Michael:** Yeah (laughs)

**Ben:** "Just do it."

**Nay:** "Act naturally."

**Michael:** Hilarious. I'm like, he's hammered--

**Mark:** (sleazily) "You wanna get famous?"

**Nay:** When I rewatched this this week, and that first scene came on, I was like, "Oh Ben is *gay gay*."

**Ben:** Super gay, no joke

**Nay:** Like this is, *gay* gay. So good

**Michael:** That opening scene, honestly, it like, it sells the fun right away

**Nay:** Oh yeah

**Michael:** Even the opening song is the right kind of shitty, you know what I mean?

**Ben:** I feel like all the music is just that right amount of shitty. And it was actually, Lucian Piane did all the music?

**Michael:** Yeah, I was just gonna say, I see he had done the music for that, yeah

**Ben:** Yeah. Speaking of incredibly problematic, because he's problematic, yeah?

**Mark:** Is he the guy, was he doing *Drag Race*?

**Ben:** Yeah

**Mark:** And now he's not

**Michael:** Yeah

**Mark:** Because he did some bad stuff

**Michael:** Yeah

**Ben:** *Real* bad stuff

**Michael:** *Really* bad stuff. Anyway

**Mark:** (faux chipper) *Sorority Row*!

**Mark:** You know, I don't know if anybody saw this today, but I thought again of *Sorority Row* today, when Lori Loughlin--

**Michael:** (gasps)

**Mark:** Before her court appearance--

**Michael:** In Boston?

**Mark:** Signing autographs?

**Michael:** Mmm-hmm

**Mark:** Signing autographs

**Michael:** And after

**Mark:** Which, by the way, *chutzpah*. *Wow*.

**Michael:** Right?

**Ben:** Oh, man

**Mark:** To be like, "Oh, who do I make it out to?" You know? Like, wow. But uh, I was like, "*Oh*."

**Ben:** That's ballsy

**Mark:** It's ballsy and it made me think about, y'know, I was like… I dunno, it just made me think of Olivia Jade and I was like, "Oh, she fits into a sorority house, *Sorority Row* kind of story."

**Michael:** Oh, one hundred percent, yeah

**Mark:** And I dunno. It feels like, maybe, as much fun as one can have with this movie, I feel like we've-- there's been a lot of stuff about binge drinking and sororities and fraternities and sort of rape culture, and those as well as now sort of like privileged assholes getting their positions at universities bought and paid for by their parents, I feel like now it's due for a reboot, but in a way that may be a little more you know, self-consciously bitchy funny, a little more topical. I dunno. Maybe I'm wrong

**Michael:** Mmm-hmm. Well, there's an interesting way to watch *Sorority Row* where you go, while watching it I actually had the thought of, "Ten years ago this just seemed so absurd."

**Mark:** Right

**Michael:** Watching it through today's lens, you're like, "These people actually aren't that unbelievable."

**Mark:** No!

**Ben:** Mmm-hmm

**Michael:** These people exist.

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** That Jessica? Monster sociopath? There's many of her in America

**Ben:** Yes

**Michael:** You know what I mean? The guys walking around, the dude that gets dumped by Jamie Chung and then immediately tries to bang Rumer Willis and then immediately tries to bang two other girls by taking them up through a painter's ladder or whatever?

**Ben:** Like underneath the--

**Mark:** Under a tarp?

**Michael:** Yeah. He was so ready to date rape, or rape, you know?

**Ben:** Yeah

**Michael:** It's like, okay, that guy exists. It's like watching it today, being older I think and just how social media culture has changed in the last ten years, I kind of had that thought while watching. "*They're really not that far off*."

**Mark:** I think that this movie would make a great trash double feature with *Black X-Mas*

**Michael:** *Yes!* Same theme

**Mark:** Because they both have a very, they're both you know, sorority movies. They're both about really *really* unpleasant people--

**Michael:** Yeah

**Mark:** Just like truly-- like even the character like Chugs, like you feel like the movie is sort of half-heartedly trying to get you to-- she's like, "Here I am in a spiral of self-destruction."

**Michael:** Yeah. (as Chugs)."I'll do anal for Oxy."

**Mark:** But it's like--

**Nay:** (laughing) Yeah!

**Mark:** But the movie's like, "Isn't it funny how she's *such a slut*? *Isn't it funny that she's so broken*?"

**Ben:** Speaking of that, that scene--

**Michael:** She's twenty-one

**Ben:** That scene before she, when she's in the bathroom preparing to go have sex--

**Nay:** Oh my God

**Ben:** With her psychiatrist and she looks in the mirror and she's like, "Cheers, slut!" That actually made me *so* sad!

**Michael:** Yeah!

**Ben:** I was like, "Oh, girl!"

**Michael:** That's like, her stock in herself

**Mark:** Here's the thing. I think-- (to Ben) I don't know you very well, but you seem like a relatively sensitive person, and empathetic. So, I think that in the script, I have a feeling that in the script that sort of, that character was painted a little more, was probably-- that writer was probably like you know, "Oh, she's going to seem really damaged or broken."

**Ben:** Oh no

**Mark:** I was like, "This is directed as a fucking pure comedy. There's no like--"

**Ben:** They definitely didn't want it to be like that

**Mark:** (chuckling) No!

**Ben:** 'Cause these guys wrote *Piranha 3D* and (*Piranha*) *3DD*

**Mark:** *What?!*

**Ben:** Yeah

**Mark:** Oh, wow. So it's just misogyny!

**Michael:** And they wrote *Jigsaw*...

**Ben:** So it's just misogyny

**Mark:** Nevermind, it's just misogyny! Here I am, trying to be on the side of the writers

**Ben:** It's ***just*** misogyny

**Nay:** Yeah

**Mark:** And I enjoyed *Piranha* (*3D*)

**Ben:** I *loved* those movies

**Michael:** One of her first lines is about how great having sex on roofies is

**Ben:** Yeah

**Michael:** To her own brother

**Nay:** Yeah. She's like, "You get laid *and* a good night's sleep!"

**Ben:** Oof

**Mark:** (as Chugs) "You know what I love you guys? Rape!" (normal voice) What the fuck? What the fuck?

**Ben:** She says that several times

**Mark:** Gross

**Nay:** The most misogynistic part of that is that someone could thoroughly, *thoroughly* enjoy fucking their therapist for oxy and not be like, "I have--"

**Ben:** Damaged or weird about it, yeah

**Michael:** Or a slut, or--

**Nay:** Yeah, or, "Cheers to you, slut. About to get a refill," you know?

**Ben:** Mmm-hmm

**Michael:** "About to go see the pharmacist."

**Nay:** But no, they're clearly like, "We want you to want sex like this, but if you do, we're gonna have you hate yourself for it. And then you're gonna fucking die with a bottle down your throat."

**Michael:** That's a good point

**Nay:** Which was *so good!*

**Michael:** It was a good death

**Nay:** Oh, I love that death, yeah

**Michael:** It is a *really good* death. (amused) Chugs

**Ben:** Chugs!

**Michael:** What is the main character's name?

**Brennan:** Ellie?

**Michael:** The final girl?

**Ben:** Cassidy

**Michael:** Cassidy

**Brennan:** There's a million final girls

**Ben:** Yeah

**Michael:** At least *Black Christmas* (2006) had like, Katie Cassidy

**Mark:** That's right

**Michael:** Like, compared to Briana Evigan--

**Ben:** I love--

**Michael:** She has such nuance and skills. I actually really enjoy Katie Cassidy in most other things she's in

**Ben:** I love Katie Cassidy

**Mark:** I have to say that the entire female cast of *Sorority Row* seems like they're doing the movie under duress. There's a kind of like, terseness to all of them that doesn't seem like they're college students. It seems like, it's like they've been blackmailed into doing this

**Ben:** They've been in the trenches together

**Mark:** Yeah, there's like a toughness to the whole endeavour

**Michael:** What did I text you? That "Jessica is a forty-two year-old mom from Nashville"?

**Mark:** Oh my God

**Nay:** Why they do Carrie like that? Carrie Fisher?

**Michael:** *Right?*

**Nay:** I'm like, she can't hit anything with that

**Michael:** Right

**Mark:** The note that I wrote when she came on was like, "Oh, God. I forgot. Carrie Fisher. Why?"

**Michael:** The thing I didn't understand about her, so she comes back at the end, right? So she's already got the gun, she doesn't know there's a killer on the loose so why is she walking around with a gun? She finds out *after* she runs into them

**Nay:** That might just be her vibe

**Michael:** Or maybe she was ready to kill some fuckin' bitches

**Ben:** She was like, "There's this party going on," yeah

**Nay:** She's like, "Y'all annoying as fuck. I'm *clearly* gonna have to walk around with a shotgun when I get back to the house."

**Ben:** But it's also when they discover the first actual dead body. Like, yeah, there's weird shit going on--

**Michael:** Is that Mickey that they discover?

**Ben:** Yeah

**Michael:** They discover him pretty late, too

**Ben:** Yeah. But even then they're just like, "Oh, is that Mickey?" "Yeah." "I'd recognize those ugly shoes anywhere."

**Mark:** (as a vapid sorority girl) "Oh my God, a dead body."

**Nay:** "Get his cellphone!"

**Michael:** I love how they're like, "Is he dead?"

**Ben:** Well, he's got a fucking tire iron through his head

**Mark:** Well that's the thing--

**Michael:** And he's hanging upside down! He gets it in the head, too

**Ben:** Yeah

**Mark:** It seems like the movie can't quite figure out if it wants to be a *Heathers*-y send up of…

**Michael:** Greek culture?

**Mark:** Greek culture and sort of like the kind of horrible, the horrible people it might breed, but--

**Michael:** Well, that's the thing, the thing I really enjoy about the original (*House on Sorority Row*) is the original *does* try to give you a sense of likeability with all the girls in that movie

**Mark:** I *love* the first one

**Michael:** The first one's great, it's a really great movie

**Mark:** And as listeners know, our theme song, by Von Kiss samples *The House on Sorority Row*. Jodi Draigie's infamous (as Jodi Draigie being sampled in the show's theme) "How do we-- how how how do we know--?"

**Michael:** (as Jodie Draigie being sampled in the show's theme) "How do we know she *is alive*?"

**Nay:** (as Jodi Draigie being sampled in the show's theme) "...she *is alive?"*

**Mark:** It's truly one of the greatest--

**Michael:** Line deliveries

**Mark:** Of all time

**Michael:** Ever

**Nay:** Yeah

**Mark:** Of all time

**Michael:** Ever. And like, those same setup prank, you know, I'm always on the fence about movies that do a prank or you know, where the people do something that causes what happens, like nine months later--

**Mark:** Like *Prom Night* (1980)

**Michael:** Yeah. But *The House on Sorority Row* handles it pretty well, where you actually still feel sorry for them

**Mark:** Yeah

**Michael:** And *I Know What You Did Last Summer* (1997) does it pretty well, too. Where even though they hit-and-run kind of, you feel for those characters and what they're going through, but this movie *does not*

**Nay:** Oh, you don't feel for *any* of them

**Michael:** Uh-uh!

**Nay:** You're fucking stupid. And annoying

**Ben:** Yeah

**Michael:** Yeah. Love it

**Ben:** And that's all I want in a movie

**Mark:** And they honestly--

**Michael:** Downloading FriendPin on my phone so I can search for Mark and Brian

**Nay:** (chuckling) Oh my God!

**Ben:** Oh my God

**Mark:** They all look like they're seventh year seniors

**Michael:** Like they're *Van Wilder*s?

**Mark:** I don't need people to look like young-*young* but I mean if you're casting high school, or if you're casting college, look at (indistinct), I mean

**Ben:** But what's funny is that they actually *were* that age

**Michael and Mark**: *No!*

**Ben:** Yeah! Because I mean, this came out in--

**Mark:** Then the makeup person should have been *fired*

**Michael:** 2009

**Ben:** This came out in 2009. I wanna say--

**Michael:** Rumer Willis is like, thirty now, right?

**Ben:** Yeah, they're all around like thirty, thirty-two

**Nay:** How old was Jamie Chung-- she was like--

**Mark:** She was by far the youngest

**Michael:** Jamie Chung was just around that age too--

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** Because she had just come off of *The Real World*

**Nay:** You can't be over twenty-five on *The Real World*

**Michael:** Mmm-mmm!

**Nay:** Yeah

**Ben:** On MTV

**Nay:** Oh my God, I remember when I hit twenty-five I immediately thought about, "Wow. I could never be on *The Real World* now."

**Michael:** I actually *do* like Jamie Chung in the movie

**Nay:** I liked Jamie Chung in *The Real World*

**Michael:** She has--

**Ben:** I do too. She's incredible

**Nay:** She's my favorite

**Michael:** She probably has, like they give her the most thankless role?

**Mark:** Yep

**Michael:** Where she doesn't have a lot to do, but she does the best that she can

**Mark:** Well, she wanders around in foam, screaming in a bikini

**Nay:** Except give Jessica multicultural clout. You remember in the--

**Mark, Michael and Ben:** Oh yeah

**Nay:** (as Jessica) "I have you around…"

**Mark:** (as Jessica) "You're my Asian friend. You make me seem multicultural…"

**Ben:** (as Jessica) "Without trying."

**Nay:** (as Jessica) "Without trying." (normal voice) I'm like, "At least say it." 'Coz there's people that feel that way. They're like, "No, I love you!" Checking boxes the whole time

**Ben:** Oh, God

**Michael:** Her death scene is pretty great. The foam and everything?

**Mark:** But that's the thing, that's the difference. I don't think the movie totally knew that--

**Nay:** Right. No

**Mark:** I dunno. It's a really weird experience to watch *Sorority Row*!

**Ben:** I think it inadvertently makes comments on things that like now, looking back at it, it's like, you *could* see it as maybe they were trying to say something, but it's like, no, they were just trying to make a movie where they get to kill scantily clad women

**Michael:** Well, you've gotta remember ten years ago people were still saying shit like this thinking it was okay

**Ben:** Yeah, yeah, yeah

**Michael:** So

**Ben:** Totally

**Mark:** And you know, and yet, for all its flaws, *Sorority Row* for most of it's running time is giving you the idea that maybe, *maybe* Audrina Patridge is running around--

**Nay:** *Yes*

**Mark:** And killing coeds

**Michael:** (sotto voce) *Oh, I love that image*

**Mark:** And it makes-- you know what? I gotta say, it makes my tiny heart grow just a little bit larger for *Sorority Row*

**Michael:** I wish they had the courage to just go there

**Ben:** Those cowards

**Michael:** And just have her be the killer

**Nay:** Yeah, I would've loved that so much

**Michael:** She's like, (as Audrina Patridge) "Ha ha! Sorry!"

**Nay:** (chuckling) Yeah. (as Audrina Patridge) "Broke my back falling down that mineshaft, but…"

**Michael:** (as Audrina Patridge) "I haven't had a pedi in *so* long!"

**Ben:** (as Audrina Patridge) "Here I am!"

**Nay:** (as Audrina Patridge) "It's been eight months!"

**Ben:** I have to say that if I could find a man who would kill a bunch of people to like, keep a secret for me?

**Michael:** He's the hero!

**Ben:** That would be amazing

**Michael:** He's the hero of the movie. He's killing *all* these horrible fucking people

**Ben:** Yeah!

**Nay:** (chuckling) Oh my God

**Michael:** Yeah. He's the hero. He's the true hero

**Ben:** I actually-- so like, one of the reasons that I love this movie so much is his line explaining basically why he did this. And it's in his valedictorian speech. He says, "Reputation comes from the company you keep." And he says to Cassidy, "The company you keep? Bitches." And that is why he is killing them. and I just love that so much

**Michael:** Yeah, he doesn't want her to have to spend the rest of her life worried about it or something, is that what it was? And what's with the boyfriend chasing 'em with an axe?

**Nay:** I think it was 'cause it could really impact him

**Michael:** So he's not really the killer? Like, what is that about?

**Nay:** *Yeah*

**Michael:** (to Nay) What did you say, the impact?

**Nay:** He was ultimately like, "I don't wanna get dragged down in this shit. Like if wifey gets dragged down, I'm gonna get dragged down, too."

**Michael:** Yeah. Gotta kill everybody connected?

**Nay:** Yeah

**Ben:** Yeah

**Michael:** Poor Mickey

**Ben:** Poor Mickey

**Nay:** "Hey Mickey!"

**Mark:** I feel like we would be remiss not to mention the fact-- (chuckles) I screamed out loud… I was folding laundry and I screamed out loud when the three survivors--

**Michael:** *Oh*, then they walk out?

**Mark:** *Leave* the burning--

**Michael:** The way they're walking?

**Mark:** To this song called, "Get Away From Me" or something?

**Ben:** Yeah. (sings) "Get the hell away from me!"

**Michael:** (indistinct) and her sister?

**Mark:** Literally one of them is leaving a house on fire, but in her--

**Michael and Mark:** Bra and panties--

**Nay:** Knee socks (chortles)

**Mark:** And some diaphanous blouse, and she's walking like she wouldn't have third-degree burns--

**Michael:** Right

**Mark:** All over her body

**Michael:** She's walking like she's in a perfume commercial

**Nay:** She's like, "No, I wrapped a curtain around me. I'm totally fine."

**Michael:** After having a catfight while a killer's on the loose

**Ben:** Yeah

**Mark:** And that's one-- oh my God. And that's one of the things that like sort of makes me like, "What's *happening here*?" when I watch *Sorority Row*, because I just go, "This *has* to be done for laughs. This can't be serious! They could not have shot this thinking, you know, 'Yeah, this is good.'"

**Michael:** She spends the last thirty minutes of the movie in a white bra and white panties

**Ben:** Yeah

**Mark:** *I know!* As like, the place is *burning* down--

**Ben:** Crumbling down around them

**Mark:** She didn't even know to like, tear the drapes down?

**Nay:** Yeah! I'm like, you wouldn't even try to just jump over that? You're young and agile, able bodied

**Michael:** There was a door fuckin' behind her that she tore the drape off of

**Mark:** Yeah.

**Nay:** I can't

**Michael:** That's what I love about Jamie Chung's death scene, 'cause she tries opening the one door that's blocked by this portable heater, but then when she gets dragged away, Briana Evigan just opens the other door. And I'm just like, "This movie is amazing." And she's looking down, it's like, "Honey you're not going to *get* in the house, you have like a *huge* electrical cable wrapped around your ankle."

**Nay:** (laughing) Oh my God

**Ben:** Oh, God

**Nay:** Which person gave Audrina mouth-to-mouth in the beginning?

**Ben:** It was Jessica

**Michael:** Jessica

**Nay:** And was like, (as Jessica) "No tongue, bitch," (normal voice) or whatever she said. I'm like, she gave another lil' gay hint at some point, too

**Michael:** Mmm-hmm! She did

**Nay:** Yeah. She said something

**Michael:** I don't remember if she said something about going to take a shower and telling Cassidy not to follow her?

**Nay:** Oh yeah, something

**Ben:** Like "That's not an invitation," yeah

**Nay:** Invitation

**Michael:** And then she made the one girl leave the shower 'coz it was the senior shower, she made her take her clothes off?

**Nay:** Yes. Yeah.

**Michael:** Dyke.

**Mark:** Look, you know, the only place Jessica was gonna end up was Fox News, so, it's fine

**Michael:** Yeah

**Ben:** Oh my God!

**Nay:** Truly. That collar with pearls?

**Mark:** Doesn't she scream--

**Michael:** She's Tomi (Lahren)

**Ben:** Yeah

**Nay:** She is Tomi

**Mark:** Doesn't she scream "*Fox and Friends*"?

**Michael:** I was like to friends, "This is Tomi."

**Ben:** Oh, no

**Nay:** Oh, God

**Michael:** Now that you said realtor? One hundred percent

**Ben:** Yeah

**Mark:** It's true

**Nay:** Tomi *would* run over Garrett

**Michael:** Yeah. One hundred percent!

**Mark:** Shhhhh! If you guys say her name one more time she'll appear!

**Nay:** Please don't say it

**Ben:** Don't do it

**Michael:** With the fedora

**Mark:** With that white fedora

**Ben:** Yeah, we don't want it

**Nay:** Oh my God

**Michael:** What was the Senator's name?

**Mark:** I mean, she'll appear, she'll be a PostMate, but you know, she'll still appear

**Michael:** It was like, Senator Hudson? I don't know why his last name killed me, 'coz it's like the most generic name you could give a Senator in a movie like that? It's like no one involved in the movie actually knew what a Senator was

**Mark:** No

**Michael:** They just knew it was important

**Ben:** Yeah

**Michael:** "I'm gonna be the Vice President someday."

**Mark:** They knew they hang out in sort of oak paneled shadowy rooms

**Nay:** (chuckling) Ew, oak paneled

**Michael:** Brennan, can you figure out what his name is?

**Brennan:** Yeah sure, give me one sec

**Michael:** I think it's like Hudson or something, it's not that bad, but I just kept laughing because they just kept saying it and I thought it was so generic

**Mark:** (softly) Oh my God, this movie

**Michael:** Is there *any* scares? Any?

**Mark:** Umm…

**Ben:** Uhh…

**Michael:** *Are* there any scares? Does anyone remember any?

**Mark:** I think Chugs's death…

**Michael:** That had some suspense

**Mark:** Yeah. Also, I mean the therapist's death wasn't so-- was pretty...

**Michael:** That whole ordeal

**Brennan:** Oh, I have it! Senator Tyson.

**Michael:** Yeah! Generic

**Mark:** (amused) Senator Tyson

**Ben:** Like the chicken nuggets

**Michael:** Mmm-hmm!

**Mark:** Yeah. Senator Nuggets

**Brennan:** But also, I need to read you some of the credited characters in this movie

**Nay:** Oh, yes!

**Ben:** Please do

**Brennan:** Already Drunk Sister, Bra-clad Sister, Trampoline Sister, Amazed Senior Guy--

**Michael:** The fuck?

**Brennan:** And Over It Sister

**Ben:** Oh my God

**Mark:** Oh God

**Michael:** That had to have been the Black girl in the beginning

**Nay:** That's the Black girl that left!

**Michael:** I wanna follow her around. "Debbie, do you (indistinct)?"

**Nay:** Well, this Over It Sister is over it

**Mark:** Same

**Michael:** Theta Pi! Ch-ch-ch!

**Ben:** Theta Pi!

**Ben and Michael:** Theta Pi! Say goodbye! Theta Pi! Say goodbye!

## **Previous Episode**

Episode 28: "Nature's Pocket" (w/Chingy!)

## **Next Episode**

Episode 30: “The Loft of Lesbian ASMR” (w/ Jeff Nelson!)