Garfism

**Overview**

**This article refers to the Old Church, see Revelationist Garfism for the modern ideology. Garfism** was a religion formed shortly after the Revelation of Lasagna in the city of Greenstem after a sighting of Garfield. Many Garfist texts have been written, transcribed, and recovered in the long history of the religion. Core beliefs center around reincarnation for the unworthy, and ascension to the Eternal Sunday. The religion is polytheistic but centers around Garf (also referred to as the Forgotten God, Lord of the Dead, Thousand-Name God, etc.) and The Great Hound, Odie. Garfism is led by The Arbiter of Garf's Will and several bishops. Garf guide you.

Stoney's religion video includes Garfism here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90teWxfDaMk&t=667s

                   **History**

Garfism was first founded in Serafini where it spread quickly. Many of the Garfists went west and discovered an ancient Akratian fort. The city of Greenstem was founded around this fort. Greenstem is where the fabled, Revelation of Lasagna would occur. This event would be written about in the text, ‘Sacrifice’, a core Garfist text. The man who wrote Sacrifice, Jacques Goldencoat I, would be given the title of Arbiter of Garf’s Will. The Arbiter would serve as the head of the Garfist Faith. The Akratian Empire would later take Greenstem resulting in the death of the Arbiter. After the Akratian empire invaded the city, Garfists fled around the world, primarily to the south of the Sterling Crownlands, where the town, Garfstail was founded. The artifact known as Garf’s Tail was smuggled from Serafini and made it’s new home in Garfstail. The former Arbiters young son, Jacques II, left the city by boat, along with Garf’s Tail to further business and political aspirations. The young Arbiter landed in New Dorasterrock, capital city of Bardonia. Three prominent Garfists, Jacques II, Kaylee and Zac Stonefist built the BCSI (Bardonian Center of Science and Innovation) in which the Tail was housed for several years. The Arbiter would grow his influence within the capital. New Dorasterock’s flag was changed to display the iconic Blue, White, and Black of the Garfist flag. The Arbiter would gain a government position within Bardonia and work on reclaiming the former Garfist lands. Creighton Greenstir I, descendent of the first Throne of Greenstem met with Jacques II about retaking the city of Greenstem, the coveted holy land of the Garfist faith. On April 11, 2021, an army of 9 Garfists, 3 Leythe-ians and 3 Hands marched on the Akratian city of Isheleryn, formerly Greenstem, resulting in what has been known as the Massacre of Greenstem, resulting in 12 dead Akratians and 0 casualties for the Garfist Army. The city is being rebuilt and Garf’s Tail has returned to the hill on which it once stood, remaining as a testament to Garfist perseverance.

**Garf's Order**

Garf's Order is a group of knights dedicated to protecting the life of the Arbiter and spreading Garf's will, both through provision of food and relief for war torn areas and slaughter of groups that oppose Garf's will. All members swear oaths when they join the order and are wholly dedicated to their positions. Garf's Order is historically lead by the reigning Throne.

Garf's Order Oath

I believe in the Forgotten God, ruler of the Eternal Sunday and Lord of the Dead. I swear to follow his will in all forms and protect the Arbiter's life, even at the danger of my own. May Garf guide my sword into the hearts of his enemies. Praise be.

Garf's Order was founded in late February 2021. It was disbanded following Akratia's first annexation of southern Serafini. The FGA (Free Greenstem Army) would be a spirtual successor to Garf's Order being an order of knights following the core tenants of spreading Garfism. Following the Massacre of Greenstem and the recreation of Garf's Order, many FGA members would swear themselves to Garf and to the Arbiter.

**Religious** **Texts** (In order of time written. Oldest to Newest)

**Sacrifice**

Few mortals remembered Garf. The old Garfist ways were no longer being practiced among humanity. For this, the people of Rathnir suffered. The soil in the town of Greenstem had become infertile, and their crops turned to ash. The town had no food for the upcoming winter. But not all had forgotten Garf. The town elder still told those who would listen about Garf and the spirits. Most labeled him crazy for they were a godless people. The elder climbed a hill to bring himself closer to the Eternal Sunday, and spoke out to Garf, “Please Garf, the forgotten god and lord of the dead, I know the people of my town are heretics, I know they have sinned, but find it in your infinite wisdom to bring life back to these lands.” At first there was nothing but silence. The elder sat on the hill. He knew his answer would come eventually. After many hours, the forgotten god whispered his will in the elders ear, “To save your people from their sins and cure them from the living world, you must make a great pilgrimage. Take this quartz seed and travel the great road to it’s end. When you arrive plant the tree in the soil and spread your knowledge of the true lord, Garf.” The elder left town the next day. Fuelled by his new purpose, he made quick pace. By midday he had made it a third of the way to the road’s end. He was then greeted by Ornamak, the wolf. Ornamak was the son of Odie, Lord of the Living, and the spirit of sin. The elder stopped calmly staring up at the towering beast. Ornamak stared back, drool pooling at his lips, snarling, evil within his eyes. The elder stood firm, Garf’s will protecting him. Ornamak’s voice seemed to come from the elders mind, “You have carried the fat cat’s burden long enough, please have a drink, you must be thirsty.” Ornamak presented the elder with a bottle of blood red wine. The elder’s thirst was undeniable, however he knew he needed his wits for the journey ahead. He said a prayer to Shrangi, the spirit of navigation and continued on his way. Ornamak growled at the elder, displeased at his failure. By nightfall the elder had made his way two thirds to the road’s end. It was then that Kematu the snake, spirit of trickery slithered behind the elder. Then darting in front of the old man stopping him. Again the spirit’s voice filled the elder’s head, “Please my friend, you look tired. Take a seat. Rest your eyes.” The elder was tired but he knew he couldn’t rest until the journey was completed. The elder prayed to the Seraph, spirit of resolve and continued on his way. By midnight the elder could see the end of the road in the distance. He was gripping his walking stick tightly, panting as he neared the end of the great road. But before him stood Odie. His voice boomed in the elders mind, sending him to his knees, “My son failed to stop you, the snake failed to stop you, how is it you continue still?” The elder spoke one word to Odie, “Faith.” He said a prayer to Armaris, spirit of bravery, and limped to the end of the road, planting the quartz seed. When the elder returned to his village Garf appeared on the hill. “You have done well child. You have made a great sacrifice. As you have sacrificed for me, I will sacrifice for you.” It was then Garf cut off his tail and stuck it on the hill. Fertility was restored to the town, and the people were cured of the curse Odie placed on them. They remembered Garf’s wisdom. “As for you child, I give you the name of Arbiter of my will. I bestow upon you a pure piece of the untainted universe.” It was a hot, meaty slice of Garf’s lasagna. The elder thanked the forgotten god looking out at his town realizing, people were beginning to remember.

**Garfism** (Original lost, accounts may vary)

On the first monday of the lands of Rathnir, The Great Hound, Odie, stole the memory of the one true spirit, Garf, from the memories of man. False gods and unholy kings have run rampant ever since, and the power of Garf is fading. Garf and his meaty lasagna are worshiped by few that are unaffected by Odie’s curse. The old spirits have been scattered across the land. We are now stuck in an eternal cycle of Monday. However, there is still hope for ascension. Only through the worship of Garf, and the cleansing of heretics, can the virtuous Garfist hope to join Garfield and live in an Eternal Sunday. Only through sacrifice, can we strengthen Garf on the beasts day. It is essential that we save the forgotten god.

**Semhudi Translation:**

Abod kator Lazet o Rathniria, Pe Haund, Odia, blundero nagyn o harti Garfian, vro nagyn xjums ondi felesums. Ov-boli byž godas ondi ov sporlia až avažoth mežlikdemirl, ondi harti-až o Garfian te marun. Garfia ondi harti lazanja o osom te irebiv zui xa Garfja zui t'vlathi o Odian. Kozm te asas ež lefet o Pe Haunto, Odia. Zui, t'winsi umagevi ze avax lefaven. Wen harti Garfjant wisni azten y masaupundi Garfia na osom Lefav, ryti-karl zim irebi Garfia, ondi, y žvas t'nausmi. Del y te, vgor kozm savlotiir až Vgor God. Glin t'xjumas evaloto janrl Lefav, ondi evaloto Aspekiat o Garfian, zui harti-boli sinm avax až harti-boli. Joz Aspekas irebi es Garfia. T'skroli o Aspekiant te na Grinem.

**Armaris**

Three pilgrims were making their way across the tundra. It has been some time since they had lost the road in the blizzard. The wind nipped at their faces, they couldn’t last much longer in the cold. It was then that the great fox spirit, Shrangi, appeared to them. Without a word Shrangi nodded its head signaling for the travellers to follow him. The lost men knew that they had been saved, for Shrangi was a spirit of fortitude and navigation. The white fox spirit guided many lost travelers. The three men thanked the spirit, grateful to soon be out of the cold. They walked for many kilometers before they felt a new presence, a far more sinister spirit. It was Odie, the Hound. Odie saw the kindhearted spirit of Shrangi and sought to snuff him out. Creatures formed of ice and bone rose from the earth, their blue eyes fixated on Shrangi. The wanderers drew their blades guarding the spirit from evil. Then, Armaris, the she fox, spirit of bravery and justice sensed her kin in danger and leapt towards the battle. The creatures torn into Armaris as she threw herself between Shrangi and the demons. Armaris had sacrificed herself so that Shrangi could escape with the travellers on his back. But Odie hadn’t finished with his trickery. Odie sent his son, Ornamak, a wicked mutt. Snarling and drooling the beast waited until the men had let their guard down to strike. Ornamak savaged Shrangi. The spirit was torn limb from limb. When the men noticed Ornamak, the mutt vanished, returning to his father. The men let out cries of anguish for the spirit which is now the patron Spirit of Navigation. It is honoured in the Church of Armaris. Garfism now strictly prohibits killing of foxes.

**Musings** (Witten by the First Arbiter shortly before his death)

In my time I have seen great prosperity and great decline. I have served monarchs, and have ruled myself. In the climb for power I witnessed virtuous men corrupted. Perhaps I fell into the same despair. Odie’s call corrupts all men. Yet when I heard Garf’s call, held his lasagna in my hands and saw his tail appear on the hill, surrounded by cats, I knew I had been blinded. “All of the blind would be given the opportunity to see.” -Garfist Proverb. When Garf’s tail lit aflame for my people to see, some chose to open their eyes, others remained in the dark. The Spirit of the Dead chose me as Arbiter of his Will. I have not taken my responsibility lightly. The lasagna he has given me lights the unenlightened aflame. “A piece of the untainted universe.” -Sacrifice. These events have caused me to reflect upon the cycle of prosperity and decline, and how it mirrors life and death. Odie’s Monday curse binds us to Rathnir, causing us to live life after life in this torturous land. Nothing is permanent. Nothing is safe. Through virtue, a Garfist can ascend to the Eternal Sunday which the forgotten god, Garf, rules. Witnessing the decline, rise, and decline of Serafini has shown me this truth. It is only through worship and virtue that one can find permanent prosperity. The Garfist principals seem loosely defined in my studies, however one truth is evident: Acceptance of death as part of life. Death gives one a chance to free oneself of the binds of Odie’s curse or for those who did not live virtuously, another chance at life. Worship Garf above all men and spirits, never deny his holiness, and you will reach the Eternal Sunday. An important distinction to make in the effort of enlightenment is proper methods of conversion. Those will given the opportunity to see, not, those will be made to see. While you may find yourself itching to force the truth upon another person, you will find yourself pushing them further in the dark. Preach the scripture, supply the texts, but the choice to believe is their own. Garf has given me another chance, I intend to use it wisely.

**Strife**

Garf and Odie often do disagree. When such a thing occurs the skies awaken with a tremendous boom. Odie's bark can be heard for miles around. The sky is then brightened by the blood of Garf. The two entities are engaged in an eternal struggle, one never gaining the upper hand against another. When one is no longer able to fight and the other gains the upper hand, the peoples of all lands feel the winners wrath. A winner is declared, the loser still licking their wounds will always find the other offering aid.

**Blade**

Armaris the spirit of bravery summoned a great blade that towered over all who saw. Armaris did this after seeing Odie in the valley from atop the hill of quartz and charged at him for he was Odie the king of all heretics. The battle raged on as Armaris and Odie carved out the landscape with their sheer weight and might. Both bled and their blood spilled and went deep within the lands. Armaris although not as strong as the god of demons was able to win the battle in the valley due to the fox’s pure resolve and bravery in combat. After the dust had settled Armaris was so weak and tired. He dropped the great weapon the blade planting itself deep within the infertile plains. Once the sword had gone deep within the hard earth the lands around the Cutlass became unimaginable fertile. After seeing this Armaris covered in blood went back to the forest of quartz to heal and prey. Proud knowing that he had hurt the demon of all demons.