Kaptain "git" Manslaughta

"*THE FUCKING XENOS ARE WORKING WITH THE BRIDGES*" - Quote directly taken from the Kaptain

"*I AM MINTZ* (translation: I only knew that they kept him in a dark room with a grate over it to throw the remains of the dissected aliens)" - Mintz

Kaptain "git" Manslaughta is the mad freeboota digger-nob (Also now the "Pirate King" of the Xcom "Naval division".) who is known to have an eternal hate of bridges and an annoying habit of trying to blow them up, he also keeps showing up and seems to have developed an habit of cannibalism and eating dead or dying advent/Guthalot aliens.

He is also the only person who seems to not be related to everyones dad because he seems to be as far away as possible to a functioning human being. He also seems to hit people with a Ukulele. (N*ote: most of this was "edited" by the Kaptain themselves this was the last time he was allowed in the control room due to the keys being covered is what we hope was some sort of blood)*

## The "Naval Division"

There is no naval division of Xcom, this "division" was only made for Manslaughta so he could call himself the "Kaptain". The main reason why this was agreed to by the commander was because it was discovered **[INFORMATION REDACTED]** to which Everyone's dad agreed to. Thus xcom had a Naval Division (which consisted of Manslaughta and the storage closet which he resided in.

## Timeline 0

An individual named Kaptain Manslaughta was recruited from korea this has been confirmed as not the actual Kaptain Manslaughta because a one mission later, that individual was found dead with the words "FUCKING COPYCAT" carved into his skin and another more facilely haired individual wearing a helmet and goggles took his place.

soon after he "adopted" a fellow rookie called Dronda Mekboy, this individual has yet to be seen again since and is currently missing please contact the nearest Gaurdscom officer if you have any information on there current location. Shortly later on one of his first missions he was on, happens to be when Everyone's dad was shot to a near death state by the thin mintz but still managed to carry a perfectly healthy Manslaughta out of the fight and save most of the Gaurdscom soilders except commander Gunner.

Manslaughta was last seen walking off towards a crashed Thin mintz ship screaming about time travel.

## Timeline 4

"*Ok so I remember this weird bearded rookie who kept screaming about bridges and screaming WAAAAAAAGH, and he kept licking advent corpses*" - Bradford

The Kaptain emerged after in this timeline he appeared out of nowhere and on his first mission got attacked by group of stun lancers and survived it is thought that this is what scrambled what little sanity his brain had completely, soon after he was given a grenade launcher in which he used several times to blow up any bridges near the avenger and on any mission.

sometime after during the hunt of some advanced guth xenos he was frozen alive with several other gaurdscom members by a king snek. soon after he was thawed out via showing him images of bridges, his next mission put him in charge of a rookie group, (a mistake on the commanders part), but strangely enough the mission was a success and relatively no one got harmed, well except for the Kaptain who was bed ridden for serveral days after being shot at and attacked by nearly every guth in the area.

also decided to make a "tasteful" (by Kaptain's standers) hat out of the many severed heads of guth xenos that boss kept cutting off.

## Timeline 7

*"I don't know how or why he keeps popping up but THANK FUCK he's dead....... please tell me he's dead! SCORCH! GUNNER! BRADFORD! Mintz?" -ChaosLongshot*

*"He's Definitely fucking dead. I'm certain, cause I've stopped waking up with bite marks on my legs..." -Various "Chaos" Numbers*

"DAMMIT GUNNER WE SHOULD HAVE LEFT HIS CORPSE BEHIND"- Various "Chaos" Numbers after waking up to find a ghostly manslaughta trying to eat his leg

Returning yet again and even more unhinged this time he came with a new look. He completely painted himself green. he also seemed to have a taste for the flesh of the dead, practically dragging corpses into a small dark broom closet where a lot of crunching and sometimes in case of dying soldiers and guth's screams. His favourite guth's to eat were the faceless, they were described by the captain to "have a texture like a runny jelly and taste like strawberry moose", which gose to show how fucking insane this timelines captain was.

During this timeline he developed a "friendship" with Various "chaos" Numbers, a friendship that would last until the Kaptain could find a way to eat him. Luckily for the crab scented numbers this timeline's manslaughta got "mercy killed" (not for him, but a mercy for the rest of the universe) by the heroic actions of a guthalot sectopod, who was later killed by a FUCKING degenerate named drakyn. Though there are some rumours that he may return these have yet to be proved true because

Due to the commanders disturbed sense of humour, he forced the scientists to stuff manslaughta's corpse and store it in the avengers bar's bathroom. This has cause ghostly screams of "FUCKING BRIDGES" to echo through out the avenger and various "Chaos" Numbers to experience poltergeist activity with bite marks on his legs

## The RATTENING.....

Recently rats have begun to eat the corpse of Manslaughta causing rapid mutations and even mutating the very ground around it, Due to these events the entire area has been quarantined. One only wonders what strange events could be happening in there......

## Timeline NEW

"*Manslaughta, why are you wearing a Metal Pan on your head?*" - Bradford

"*This is most definitely a cursed timeline.*" - Drakyn "Weeb" Long

This Timeline features an even madder version of the Kaptain, (Mainly because of watching the entire pirates of the caribbean series and the joker movie), who has dressed up as a pirate/the joker while wearing a metal pan on their head as a helmet.

## Training Video

*"DAMMIT BOSS! Why do I have to ask Manslaughta about the mission he was on???" -* Plague Nexus

*"Boss, He's just sung the Entire Monty python music collection over the radio. Did you even ask him to do that????" -* Bradford

*"I didn't the filming ended 3 months ago...." -* Boss evasion

At the "request" of commander gunner, Boss evasion was given the role of creating a training video for new recruits. Unfortunately no one deemed let Manslaughta know so while recording information about the different xcom divisions, He believed that the recording team and narrator where a seeker. This Luckily made for some great footage for the team to use.