Space Girlfriend

Space Tree takes his new hot girlfriend to the Space Captain's Club to try and impress his peers. Things go pretty well for the most part.

## Transcript

*(opening credits)*

*(cut to Space Tree's Ship, Standing Bay)*

**Commander:** *(Comes in panting)* Space Tree, come quick, there's some kind of creature attacking the ship! *(Runs away, comes back)* Oh my God Space Tree, it's starting on the wing, we're done for! *(Runs away, comes back)* Jesus \*\*\*\*ing Christ its tearing up the whole wing and eating it, what the \*\*\*\*!! We're gonna die! We're--

**Space Tree:** Will you calm down? We're gonna be fine.

**Commander:** Fine? Lets see how fine we are when we're... catapulted... into the... space --

**Space Tree:** Look, that thing out there is my girlfriend, alright? So you can relax.

**Commander:** Your...Your girlfriend? Seriously?

**Space Tree:** Yeah. She does look pretty hot though, right? When she's like, chewing into metal?

**Commander:** Y-Y-You're joking, right?

**Space Tree:** Oh, I get it. It's just so hard to believe that Space Tree could have a girlfriend, right? Yeah. Oh hey, here she comes now.

**Jenalisha:** *(Comes in from left, makes noises)*

**Commander:** What the hell?

**Space Tree:** Commander, meet Jenalisha.

**Commander:** Uh, Hell-Hello, there...

*(Jenalisha grabs him, makes noises)*

**Commander:** What??

**Space Tree:** She wants a hug Commander, stop being such a dick about it.

**Commander:** But really, I don't --

*(Jenalisha pulls him close, makes noises)*

**Commander:** *(Grossed out)* Ugh, uh, are-are we nearly done?

**Jenalisha:** *All right.* *(Throws commander to the floor)* *I have to go get ready.* *(exit stage left)*

**Space Tree:** OK honey, you-you do that. So, not bad, eh Commander?

**Commander:** *(Stands up slowly)* I think I need to go and uh, burn my skin off, because that was gross.

**Space Tree:** Yeah, I knew you'd be jealous.

**Commander:** I'm not jealous.

**Space Tree:** You're jealous.

**Commander:** Look, I have a girlfriend, y'know...

**Space Tree:** Yeah, sure you do.

**Commander:** I do.

**Space Tree:** Well then what's her name?

**Commander:** Her name is xxxPinkFrosting88xxx.

**Space Tree:** Did you say "Sexsexsex"?

**Commander:** No, no, x, like 3 x's. Like the letter.

**Space Tree:** Oh. So she's uh -

**Commander:** Yeah, I met her on the internet. I said it. And in fact I'm meeting her on there for a hot date later tonight.

**Space Tree:** Yeah, well, uh good luck with that. Jenalisha you're back!

**Jenalisha:** *I'm ready.*

**Commander:** Oh God, no, don't come any - AAAHHH!! *(Backs up and falls out a window)*

**Jenalisha:** *Is he alright?*

**Space Tree:** Yeah he'll be fine, don't worry about him. So anyway honey, it's time to go to the Space Captains Club.

**Jenalisha:** *All right.* *(Rips Space Tree's right branch off)*

*(Screen transition in the shape of a heart to the SCC. There is a banner over the door reading "AT THE SPACE CAPTIONS CLUB". Space Tree enters alone)*

**Christopher 1:** Oh look who just walked into the Captain's Club brother.

**Christopher 2:** Oh who is it brother?

**Christopher 1:** Looks to me like it's *Captain* Space Tree. Heh. If I didn't have a wine glass in my hand right now I would have made air quotes when I said the word Captain.

**Christopher 1:** As would I brother, as would I.

**Space Tree:** Hey guys, 's goin on. Christopher 1.

**Christopher 1:** Hello.

**Space Tree:** Christopher 2.

**Christopher 2:** Hello, "Captain", heh-heh-heh.

**Christopher 1:** Yes that's enough Chris. So Space Tree, we haven't seen you around here in a while. What brings you to our humble little Captain's Club on this evening?

**Space Tree:** Well tonight's a special occasion. See, I brought my fiancé with me here. Tonight, here.

**Christopher 1:** Fiancé, you say. Well, I take it she's standing here with us right now, huh.

**Christopher 2:** Ha ha, yes, like she's imaginary.

**Christopher 1:** Yes, Chris, that was the joke.

**Space Tree:** Well actually, here she comes right now.

*(The sign over the door now says AT THE SPACE CARTONS CLUB.)*

**Jenalisha**: *(Hops through the door and waves)* *Hello.*

**Christopher 1:** Oh my, well she is some hot stuff Space Tree.

**Christopher 2:** Indeed.

**Christopher 1:** If I wasn't holding a wine glass right now, I would be giving you the thumbs up.

**Christopher 2:** I'd be giving you DOUBLE thumbs up.

**Christopher 1:** Yes.

**Space Tree:** Well thanks. Hey, it looks like she wants to sing me a love song on stage.

**Christopher 1:** Well aren't you lucky.

**Space Tree:** Go on honey, we're listening.

*(Jenalisha begins 'singing'.)*

**Jenalisha**: And I... I... Iiii...

*(Then a gunshot is fired, killing her. Black Kid steps in.)*

**Black Kid:** Because I like to rock! *(He then shoots himself with the Staple Gun)*

**Space Tree:** Whoa. That's a pretty good finale, right?

**Christopher 1:** Yes, your fiancé is quite talented.

**Christopher 2:** She sure is.

**Space Tree:** Yeah.

*(The camera shows the stage, where Jenalisha lies dead.)*

**Christopher 1:** Uh, I think she's dead, Space Tree.

**Space Tree:** Yeah... yeah, I noticed that too.

**Christopher 1:** Well, that's a shame.

**Space Tree:** Yeah. Yeah, well, I can always build another one.

**Christopher 1:** Build? What do you mean?

**Space Tree:** Well, you didn't think she was born like that, right? What, are you stupid?

**Christopher 1:** No -

**Christopher 2:** A little bit.

**Space Tree:** I just pieced her together from parts I found laying around.

**Christopher 1:** Well I can relate to that, you know.

**Space Tree:** Oh really?

**Christopher 1:** Yes. You see my brother here, is actually a robot.

**Space Tree:** Oh.

**Christopher 2:** *(alarmed)* What?? You're joking, right?

**Christopher 1:** No, it's true. I built you, you're a robot.

**Christopher 2:** No, I'm not.

**Christopher 1:** Yes you are.

**Christopher 2:** But I have the skin --

**Christopher 1:** Oh, you've got organic skin, but inside your body and especially up in your brain, it's pure robotics.

**Christopher 2:** No no, I... GET THIS ROBOT BRAIN OUT OF MY HEAD!!! AAAAHHH!!! *(stabs forehead with wineglass)*

**Christopher 1:** *(Snickers)* You fall for that joke every time, brother.

**Christopher 2:** What? Oh. It was joke.

**Christopher 1:** Yeah, you fall for it --

**Christopher 2:** Every time, yeah. Yes. Oh.

**Christopher 1:** Ever since we were kids, see? *(Holds up 'memoriez' photo album)*

*(A picture shows a very young Christopher 2 with a wine glass in his face while Christopher 1 watches, amused)*

**Christopher 1:** Look at this.

**Christopher 2:** Right.

**Space Tree:** Well, my girlfriend's dead, and it looks like we're the only ones in the whole Captains Club.

**Christopher 1:** Yes, that's true.

**Christopher 2:** Yeah.

**Christopher 1:** We really should advertise this place more, brother. Remember to bring that up at the next meeting.

**Space Tree:** So uh, I'm gunna leave.

**Christopher 1:** OK.

**Space Tree:** See you next time I have a girlfriend to try to impress you with.

**Christopher 1:** Yes, well job well done this time.

**Space Tree:** K, see ya. *(exit Space to the Tree)*

**Christopher 2:** Don't come back! Heh-heh-heh.

**Christopher 1:** He's already gone, Chris.

**Christopher 2:** Oh really? I actually can't see anything right now.

**Christopher 1:** Oh, because of the -

**Christopher 2:** Because of the head wound.

**Christopher 1:** Right.

**Christopher 2:** Yes.

**Christopher 1:** Well, y'know Space Tree was right about something, this place is empty.

**Christopher 2:** I know.

**Christopher 1:** Y'know what? Next week we're opening it to the public.

**Christopher 2:** Good idea.

*(ONE WEEK LATER appears on the screen, as spoken. The sign in the club now reads THE ALL Welcome! CLUB. Credits Roll.)*

**Christopher 2:** *(Now with bandages on forehead)* Well, this was a stupid idea.

**Christopher 1:** Well you've got a robot brain.

**Christopher 2:** OH NO!! *(Stabs self with glass again)*

*(roll end credits)*

## Fun Facts

* First appearance of the Christophers
* <3 is a cyber heart.
* When Space Tree enters the club, the text above the doorway reads "AT THE SPACE CAPTIONS CLUB". When Jenalisha enters, "CAPTIONS" is replaced with "CARTONS".

## References:

* Jenalisha is presumably attempting to sing 'I Will Always Love You' by Whitney Houston.