Scream and Shout

*Todd plays "Scream and Shout" on his piano*

***WILL.I.AM ft. BRITNEY SPEARS- SCREAM AND SHOUT
A pop song review***

**Todd**: Hi, everyone. Umm, you know, I get all sorts of questions about my taste in music and I...I don't usually have time to answer them. But you know, since so many people are curious about it, I thought I'd just take some time and share some of the stuff I'm listening to right now. Umm, first off, I'm starting to get into...

*Clips of "The Suffering" by...*
**Todd (VO)**: ...Coheed and Cambria, I know I'm a little late on that one. I think a lot of their fans have outgrown them by now, but I'm...I'm really enjoying them. Um...they're kind of ridiculous, and I can't follow the plotline of their music at all, but I'm...I'm really enjoying listening to something so complex and grandiose. It's just kind of inspiring for me right now to hear music with such lofty ambitions, and I've...I've heard really good things about their latest double album, so I'm gonna check that out next.

*...and "Picture Window" by...*
Um...another album I'm way into right now is one I meant to pick up but missed the first time around, *[Album cover of...] Lonely Avenue*. Now that's a collaboration album between Ben Folds and the English novelist Nick Hornsby [*sic*]. And together, the two of them just play off each other amazingly. Hornsby writes these very sharp, very literary little character vignettes, and Folds matches it with...with some of the best compositions of his entire career. It...it really is just some of the tightest, most thoughtful and evocative music I've come across lately. It's made by people who really worked very hard on every part of the songwriting process.

**Todd**: And also, I've been listening to a lot of will.i.am.

*Video for "Scream and Shout"*
**will.i.am**: Oh yeah.
**Todd (VO)**: That last one's not by choice. Yeah...I...I know it's a cheap shot to compare dance songs to, like, highbrow music in a completely different genre. But...still, like, going from those other bands to this is like going from *[shots of fancy, candlelit dinner]* eating at the Ritz to chewing on *[and...]* some disgusting Hungry Man TV dinner. Even for processed frozen food, that stuff's not good. You sure you don't wanna get, like, the *[shots of...]* Boston Market dinners or the Stouffer's? I mean...it...it's right there next to it. Or just some Hot Pockets. What's wrong with Hot Pockets? Why the hell would you want that Hungry Man crap?! 'Cause it comes with a brownie?! You realize when you open it, the corn is just gonna have slopped over onto it! That's gross!

**Todd**: Come on, you can eat better than that! What the hell?! *[Beat as Todd composes himself]* Sorry, I bought some groceries the other day I regret.

The point is will.i.am sucks!

*Clip of Black Eyed Peas - "Request Line"*
**will.i.am**: I like to hear my favorite song on the radio
**Todd (VO)**: See, I actually remember *way* back in the day when the Black Eyed Peas were this bubbling up, under the radar, alternative hip-hop group. I don't remember much about them, but I seem to remember that they were a pretty...egalitarian group, you know? No member being more important than the other.

**Todd**: But then, Fergie joined the act.

*Clip of "Don't Phunk with my Heart"*
**Fergie**: No, no, no, no, don’t phunk with my heart
**Todd (VO)**: And a...a new dynamic emerged with Fergie being the star and the face of the group, and will.i.am being in charge of the creative direction, and...the other two guys were...I don't know, reserves in case Fergie pulled a hamstring or something. And although Fergie's fame quickly shot up past the other members, *[clip of Usher - "OMG"]* will.i.am was increasing his clout behind the scenes as a writer-producer, making hits for Usher, the Pussycat Dolls, and Fergie's solo album.

**Todd**: But will.i.am was putting out his own solo records, too.

*Clips of "I Got It from My Mama"...*
**will.i.am**: Baby, where'd you get your body from
Tell me where'd you get your body from
**Todd (VO)**: For a while, it looked as if *he* would be the one to take over the lead role, especially in recent years with Fergie taking a maternity break from show biz and also becoming increasingly detached from the Peas. *[..."T.H.E. (The Hardest Ever)"...]* And yet, will.i.am has just never seemed to be able to attain any real success on his own, and God knows he tried. He brought in Mick motherlovin' Jagger himself as a guest artist, that didn't work, *[...and "Check It Out"]* he replaced Fergie with other big-name pop singers like J-Lo and Nicki Minaj, that didn't work.

**will.i.am**: This club is heatin'
This party's blazin'
**Todd (VO)**: By the way, yes, this is a sample of "Video Killed the Radio Star". I like to call this song "will.i.am killed 'Video Killed the Radio Star'".

**Todd**: But after numerous tries, will.i.am finally, in the waning days of 2012, found...

*Clip of "Scream and Shout"*
**Todd (VO)**:...a genuine, honest-to-God smash hit in "Scream and Shout", the fourth advance single from his long-delayed recent album. And his *Girl Friday* guest star this time around being the iconic Britney Spears.

**will.i.am**: You are now, now rockin' with will.i.am and...
**Britney**: Britney, bitch!
**Todd**: Mmmmm, no. No one's rockin' with you, will.i.am, because you do not rock. Not even in the broadest sense of the word.

**Todd (VO)**: It is a fitting partnership, as they are two of the biggest hitmakers of the 2000s, and they're both trying to keep up the momentum of their long careers against the onslaught of younger, hotter, better pop stars. And this is not the first time that these titans of pop worked together. Britney's last album had a song written by and featuring will.i.am...

**Todd**:...called "Big Fat Bass".

*Clip of live performance of "Big Fat Bass"*
**will.i.am**: Big fat bass, the big fat bass.
Big fat bass, the big fat bass.
**Britney**: I can be the treble, baby
You can be the bass, you can be the bass.
**Todd**: Wow. That's really annoying!

*Back to "Scream and Shout"*
**Todd (VO)**: So is "Scream and Shout" for that matter. They're both really, really annoying. Everything will.i.am does is annoying!

**Todd**: Obviously, you guys already know I hate this song. You might recall *[Clip of...]* I put it at #5 on my worst of 2012 list, which, in retrospect, seems kinda low. There can't have been four songs in one year worse than this. Dammit, why didn't I just say nothing and save my material for a full review?

*Footage from the list*
**Todd**: I was gonna give this one a full review, but it's likely going to be gone by the time I finish these Top Ten lists, so I might as well just tackle it now.
*Back at piano*

**Todd**: Oh Todd. Oh you poor dear. Todd-stradamus strikes again. Cross yet another one off the *[Shot of Todd crossing "'Scream and Shout' goes the f\*\*\* away" off his...]* list of Todd's predictions for 2013. But why does "Scream and Shout" suck as hard as it does?

*Clips of "The Time (Dirty Bit)"...*
**Todd (VO)**: will.i.am has become the poster child in recent years for what we think of as bad pop music. But what does that mean? Well, let's start with will.i.am's main contribution as an artist—his compositions. will.i.am does *[..."Pump It"]* most everything on his music, but he apparently reserves most of his creative energies for his composing and production work. And though I *despise* him, his success does not surprise me at all because he is the *master* of the earworm. *[..."My Humps"...]* His songs just have a way of getting lodged in your brain, and it all makes sense when you listen to the musical pioneers that will.i.am takes his inspiration from, like *[shots and sounds of...]* car alarms, jackhammers, vacuum cleaners, your neighbors having sex, the dripping faucet that keeps you awake at night. will.i.am has found a way to turn every awful, clattering, obnoxious sound into chart success. That's the kind of artist he is. He's good at making music that provokes a reaction, much like the 14-year-old YouTube troll who's a complete illiterate jackoff, yet always finds just the right thing to say to make you angry for the rest of the day.

**Todd**: But with Auto-Tune.

*Back to "Scream and Shout"*
**will.i.am**: Rock and roll, everybody let's lose control
**Todd (VO)**: And sadly enough, making brain-destroying, clamorous noise is apparently the only part of being a pop star that gets him excited anymore. 'Cause at this point, he's barely a rapper.

**will.i.am**: Hey! Yo, turn it up, and don't turn it down
**Todd (VO)**: He's so indifferent about his lyrics, or just even the attitude of the music, or wanting to convey anything at all in his music. He sounds like he'd rather be doing anything else.

**Todd**: As someone who actually cares quite a bit about lyrics, this is kind of a dealbreaker for me. If you took someone who *[pictures of stereotypical Frenchman...]* didn't speak English, exposed him to *[...and a man covering his ears]* a bunch of party songs and told him to write his own, this is what it would sound like.
And this was not always the case. He, at least, used to exercise, at least, *some* kind of creativity.

*Clip of "The Time (Dirty Bit)"*
**Todd (VO)**: "Scream and Shout" jacks the beat from "Dirty Bit". *[Shot of Todd gagging a little]* But...I think the song it resembles the most is actually "Boom Boom Pow".

*Clip of "Boom Boom Pow"*
**will.i.am**: Gotta get that
**Peas**: Boom boom boom
**will.i.am**: Gotta get that
**Peas**: Boom boom boom
**Todd (VO)**: Now "Boom Boom Pow" was atrocious, more of a fragment of a song than anything, and much like "Scream and Shout," about absolutely nothing.

**Todd**: What was a "boom boom pow"? Why do we have to get it?

**Todd (VO)**: What made it so amazing? Who knows? Who cares? Who gives a crap? Shut up and listen. And even *that* song was trying way harder than "Scream and Shout" because at least once upon a time, even the worst Black Eyed Peas songs had...

**Todd**: ...well, I'm not gonna say good, but at least had *original* lines.

**Fergie**: I'm so three thousand and eight
You so two thousand and late
**Todd**: If only there was anything here that memorable.

*"Scream and Shout"*
**will.i.am**: Hey! Yo, rock it out, rockin' now
**Todd (VO)**: I don't think there's a single line here that hasn't been used somewhere before.

**Todd**: Let's see...

**will.i.am**: I wanna scream and shout, and let it all out
And scream, and shout, and let it out
**Todd**: Well, *that* clearly came from this.

*Clip of Tears for Fears - "Shout"*
**Tears for Fears**: Shout, shout
Let it all out
**Todd**: And this part...

**will.i.am**: will.i.am and...
**Britney**: Britney, bitch
**Todd**: Well, that's just sampled from a previous Britney Spears song.

*Clip of "Gimme More"*
**Britney**: It's Britney, bitch
**will.i.am**: We saying
**will.i.am and Britney**: oh wee oh wee oh wee oh
**Todd**: That could come from any number of things.

*Clip of Morris Day and the Time - "Jungle Love"*
**Morris**: Jungle love, yeah!
**The Time**: Oh wee oh wee oh
**Todd**: Mostly his phrases just come from other Black Eyed Peas songs.

**will.i.am**: Rock and roll, everybody let's lose control
*Brief clip of "Boom Boom Pow"*
**will.i.am**: Rock and roll that future flow
**Todd**: But when you jam all those cliches together, what do they mean as a whole?

**will.i.am and Britney**: When we up in the club
All eyes on us
**Todd (VO)**: Well, it's a club dance song, I guess, and will.i.am apparently has a need for some primal release.

**will.i.am**: I wanna scream and shout, and let it all out
**Todd (VO)**: He needs to scream and shout and let it all out, so he's going to the club to get out all his energy.

**Todd**: Okay, well, I like Tears for Fears, I like dancing, I'll try it out. Let's get our club on.

**will.i.am**: I wanna scream and shout, and let it all out
And scream and shout, and let it out
**Todd**: AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

**Todd (VO)**: AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

**Todd**: AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! THIS IS NOT MAKING ME FEEL BETTER!!! IT'S KIND OF MAKING IT WORSE!!!

**Todd (VO)**: There is no way this was only the fifth-worst song of the year.

**Todd**: What was above this on my Worst list?

***#4. Flo Rida - "Whistle"***

**Flo Rida**: Can you blow my whistle, baby
**Todd**: "Whistle"? Yeah, this is way worse than "Whistle". Bump will.i.am up to #4.

***#4. will.i.am ft. Britney Spears - "Scream and Shout"***

**Britney**: When you hear this in the club
You're gonna turn this shit up
**Todd**: And then there's Britney.

**Britney**: When we up in the club
**Todd (VO)**: Britney Spears basically does two things on this track. One, a haughty, Lady Gaga-ish fake European accent that sounds absolutely nothing like Britney Spears.

**Todd**: And the other, a deeply uninspired bit on the chorus that unfortunately sounds *exactly* like Britney Spears.

**will.i.am and Britney**: I wanna scream and shout, and let it all out
**Todd**: You remember the "Imma Be" video, which

*Clip of same*
**Todd (VO)**: ...started off with will.i.am inventing a digital music machine that removed the artist entirely from the recording process?

**will.i.am**: I just type in the lyrics, and then this thing sings it.
**Todd (VO)**: Britney Spears is proof that that machine exists.

**Britney**: When you hear this in the club
You're gonna turn this shit up
**Todd (VO)**: When I hear this in the club, I gotta turn this shit up?

**Todd**: No. No, no, no, no, no. No, I do not. I mean, how even would I? I'm not the DJ, that's his job.

**Todd (VO)**: And if I *did* have access to the DJ's booth, I can think of things I'd do...

**Todd**: ...long before adjusting the volume.

*Clip of people dancing in club, with* this *playing over...*
**Jeff Pescetto**: DuckTales. Woo-ooo!
Everyday they're out there...
**Todd**: God, what was #3 on my worst list?

***#3: Maroon 5 - "One More Night"***

**Adam Levine**: You and I go hard at each other
**Todd (VO)**: "One More Night"? Christ, what was I thinking? Shit, bump this up another slot.

***#3. will.i.am ft. Britney Spears - "Scream and Shout"***

**will.i.am**: Bring the action
**Britney**: When you hear this in the club
**Todd (VO)**: The Britney Spears phenomenon only makes less sense the longer it continues. Britney, if you recall, *[*ET *footage of Britney's meltdown]* spent about four years screaming and shouting and let-it-all-outing, and because of that, she lost the legal rights to run her own life. And now in 2013, she clearly no longer cares. I can't think of two artists *less* suited to screaming and shouting.

**Todd**: If will.i.am's cliches were about, I don't know, love or something, it'd just be lame.

**Todd (VO)**: But it's all about how great he is, and it's always making the most insipid music imaginable while it's doing it. He goes hard, he's got the hot beats, and you gotta listen to his music 'cause his music is, like, *so* good, y'all. All anyone has to do to refute this song is listen to it.

**Todd**: The song disproves itself.

*Brief clip of Pitbull - "Don't Stop the Party"*
**Todd (VO)**: Say what you want about Pitbull. He might be stupid, but at least he sounds like he's enjoying himself!

will.i.am sounds bored! Bored and disgusted with you for listening to this crap!

**will.i.am**: Oh yeah
**Todd (VO)**: "Oh yeah." Does that sound like a guy who's having a great time partying?

**will.i.am**: Oh yeah
*Clip from* King of the Hill*, with the four friends by the fence.*
**Hank**: Yep:
**Bill**: Mmm, yep.
**Boomhauer**: Mm-hmm.
**Todd**: God, what was #2 on my Worst list?

***#2. Train - "Drive By"***

**Pat Monahan**: Oh I swear to you
I'll be there for you
**Todd (VO)**: "Drive By"?

**Todd**: Okay, hold off on that one.

**will.i.am**: It goes on and on and on and on
**Todd (VO)**: It does. It goes on and on and on and on. And it will continue to go on and on, repeating the same tired phrases over and over and over again, the same Black Eyed Peas song repeated into perpetuity.

**Todd**: Someday will.i.am is just going to combine every obnoxious sound he's ever created into one giant ball of annoyance, like...

**Todd (VO)**: ...the "oh wee oh"s from this, *[clips of...]* the backup chanting from "OMG", the chipmunk voice from "Rock That Body", the constant repetitions of "Imma Be", the digital Auto-Tune vomit of their Super Bowl Halftime Show, the entirety of "My Humps", just a b...

**Todd**: A big ball of noise!

**will.i.am**: I wanna scream and shout, and let it all out
**Todd (VO)**: I hate this! I do not like this, will.i.am. This song is so bad, I may put it on my Worst list for next year, too. I can only think of one good thing to say about this.

**Todd**: At least it's not the remix with P Diddy and Waka Flocka Flame.

*Clip of "Scream & Shout (Remix)"*
**Waka Flocka Flame**: ...VIP, I’m in the crowd
Me and Britney, we actin’ wild
It’s Waka Flame
**Todd**: Lord help us all. I'm Todd In The Shadows saying AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

*Closing tag song: Michael Jackson and Janet Jackson - "Scream"*

***THE END
"Scream and Shout" is owned by Interscope Records
This video is owned by me***