recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
Great META War 3 (The Grand War)

###### Not to be confused with the First Great META War or the Second Great META War

The Third and Final Great META War was an Omniverse-wide military conflict waged for forty years, from 999,959 AB to 999,999 AB. It was the final large-scale war in Omniversal History and saw the long-dormant Mummy's awesome revival at the hands of the Exegar-based Enclave. The two sides in this war were the OmniStar Corp-backed Waifurian Enclave versus pretty much the entire rest of the Omniverse.

## Important Battles

The first battle of the Third Great META War was the Siege of Ecoria, in which Enclave naval forces ambushed a legion of Worlds Without Boundaries Peace and Terrorism Patrol troops in orbit of the erratic planetoid (and former moon of Inhersloht) Kragdrysil.
Ish'massie

Ish’massie was a Class A1 Cryptoid that resided in Calgary, Alberta. Ish’massie fed off of the rotting corpses of Canadians who had run out of Maple Syrup during the Exodus of Calgary. Ish’massie regularly bred with the local songbird populations, and is thought to have been the mother of all of Earth’s Cryptoids.
Atlanta Infinite Water Glitch

The Atlanta Infinite Water Glitch was a curious, floating spigot located several miles outside of Atlanta, Georgia, which released a seemingly endless supply of clean, fresh water. The spigot could be turned on and off using the valve on top of it, however it was completely immovable otherwise.

## Discovery

The spigot randomly appeared in what was then a forest around 188 BB. Nobody witnessed the appearance, however an elderly couple, Riley and Ryland Shoesuckle, were the first to encounter it while strolling through the woods.

Riley and Ryland approached the spigot, and attempted to pull it down to the ground. It wouldn't budge. Ryland dislocated his elderly shoulder during these vain attempts, and the two reluctantly returned to town to acquire medical assistance.

Ryland returned, with his arm in his sling, with a hammer, and attempted to destroy the spigot. He failed at this too.

He reported the spigot to the town authorities, who immediately made it a spectacle, destroying the forest surrounding it and setting up the Water Fair, a permament installation. Instead of using this infinite source of clean water for good, the government abused it as a source for endless capital, selling cups of the 'Infinite water' for as high as $500.
Dr. Finshersnitch Ozband

The Daddy of all Sexbots

Dr. Finshersnitch Ozband was an Ohioan military scientist responsible for creating Horse MK.2 and posthumously creating the Lunar Sexbots. Additionally, he was clinically insane and was arrested on multiple occassions for public indecency.

### Horse MK.2

Dr. Ozband synthesized Horse MK.2 during the Great Meta War in an Ohioan Weapons Lab. While Ohio gained very little from Dr. Ozband's work, Horse MK.2 gained sentience due to a freak accident where a lab assistant accidentally connected his cerebral cortex to a neurocord and uploaded his conscience to Google Drive. Taking advantage of the situation, Dr. Ozband downloaded the assistant's conscience onto a USB drive and implanted it into Horse MK.2.

### Lunar Sexbots

In his elderly years, as his mind was rotting and the Ohioan Radiation Storms wore away at his sanity, Dr. Ozband became obsessed with collecting Silicone Sex Dolls. He had a collection of over forty at one point. A few years before his death, he programmed his artificially intelligent supercomputer to 'gift his sentience to those he cared most about'.

When Dr. Ozband passed away, the computer deduced that the logical course of action was to implant Ozband's conscience into the sex dolls, as they were the only thing the doctor had ever seemed to truly love.
Charles B. Brown II

Charles was an eternally elderly man who resided in eastern Australia. When he was born, he was 5'11, and destroyed his mother's body because he expanded to a larger size than her. He came out of the womb with blue jeans and a yellow long-sleeve shirt.

After Charles came out of the womb, he immediately made arrangements for his mother's funeral. He made several dad jokes about the affair, including, but not limited to:

* "Guess she had a cow. "
* "Surely. And don't call me Shirley. "
* "What do you call a woman who gives birth to an old man? Dead."
Kreggell

Kreggell was a massive cuckold who liked to watch his partners get fucked by other men. Kreggell was a Libertarian Party Senator who served for Alabama's 13th district. His only memorable achievement was passing a bill in the Waifurian Congress reducing the age of consent to 14.

Kreggell had the largest Funko Pop collection in the Omniverse.

Kreggell was funded entirely by Geoffrey Eckstein. Nothing suspicious there.
Blackbird

`Subject Report: Codename: Blackbird`

`Required Authorization Level for viewing: Epsilon`

`Audio case file constructed and recorded by Agent Kyle Parker and Agent ███████ under direct orders from Dr. ███████.`

`ATTENTION! Unauthorized access of this transcription and its contents by those without psychomemetic protections may experience significant psychological damage including but not limited to: Auditory and visual hallucinations, Loss of sense with reality, Trans-dimensional awareness syndrome. If you are viewing this page without proper psychomemetic protections, please exit the page immediately. Thank you.`

`Transcription of Audio Log 1:`

`[RECORDING BEGINS]`

`"This is Agent Parker reporting on the recently-compiled case file for the subject codenamed "Blackbird." *audible groan* Jesus, these guys couldn't come up with anything more original? I get he wears a different color suit from the rest of them- but come on! Anyways, subject Blackbird is an previously-unidentified G-Man variant first seen by agents in service to the Russian Imperial Federation in 27 A.B. near an abandoned research outpost in Siberia. The Agency at this time has no solid information on where this variant originated from or what its intent is. Attached in the case file alongside this recording will be the only known photo of subject Blackbird. Its origins are as of yet unknown. *sound of papers flipping* One photo we have of this guy, and it looks like someone's pet headcrab vomited on it. Of course. Since I'm finishing up the tape here, and I doubt anyone is gonna have to reopen this case file for another 20 years, I'll go ahead and add my own thoughts on this thing. It's weird, yes. It's the only known G-Man variant that has completely avoided human contact and the first time we saw it was near a research outpost that was suddenly abandoned for reasons unknown, but that doesn't warrant us searching half the damn globe for it just because the board of directors thinks it has something to do with what happened 3 years ago. I shouldn't say this because if they find out I'm a dead man but- fuck it, the board is chasing a ghost. If this thing is really as old as Aeternia itself, if not more, the fuck are we supposed to do? It already ████ ██ ████ █████ ██ ██████████! But whatever, I'm not paid well enough for them to listen to me. *lighter flickers* *Agent Parker takes a drag from a cigarette* Here's to hoping I won't ever have to open this damn thing again."`

`[END OF RECORDING]`

`Transcription of Audio Log 2:`
Leonard

Leonard, otherwise known as Jeanie P Jeanie, Michaela F. Perridge, Franklin Cocksalot, Bryan Handsome, Judge Gary, Lawrence Higgs, Hot Mit Tot, Hot Mit Fot, Goo Goo Mary, Lonston Ingred, Louise L. Maura, Sorra Barridge, Lonk McCran, Soot Billbug, David Freirichs O'Leary II, Homestack P.P., Freda McAllen, Aaron Quimbus, Deshawn F. MacAdams, William S. Rightturn, Juck S. Pissifeld, Nimbus O. Watchwelt, Gary F. Taylorbung, Suzanne Herrendium Opallus, Jimmerius Farquavius Enstalbius XII, Daniel Bin Ashama, Lyndon B. Johnson, Olbert Q. Muck, Marcus R. Z. X. Van Stamp, Edward T. Tullius McMuffus IVX, Solomon Bin Mohammad Capit XXXX, Jonathan Potsdam Beggardly, Blueballs McGee, Victoria V. Valborium, Id The Rotten, Julianna X. Horrixiumonus, Lot Berranianopolisium Eventide, Hont K. Sintclaire, Fredward J. Edericks, Ecklestein R. Schnitzelhaus, Gorren S. Holt, Mian Tiao Lin, Guy Fieri, Mitchell R. Orangejuice, Liam L. Limburgher, Sally L. Hodibuckus, The Nightstalker, The Bloodthirsten, Michael M. Brixby, Zoe Eggard, or, simply, Lenny, was a notorious cryptoid who terrorized a 30-square foot area of northeastern Alaska. As this area was completely a tundra, the only thing Lenny ever terrorized was polar bears, who usually terrorized him right back.
Earth 2

**Earth 2** was a hollow, moderately habitable terrestrial planet located on the outer rim of the Milky Way Galaxy. It was the alleged home planet of the humans, and was the site of many militaristic and political events across Omniversal History. Earth 2 was destroyed in 999,998 AB when the Downward Spiral destabilized the planet and caused its Moon to come crashing down, obliterating the hollow planet and with it, millions of years of history.

## Formation

Earth 2 was formed by the Great MAGA King and the Chinese Nannites in two seconds after Old Earth was destroyed (see Destruction of Old Earth) in 240 B.B. The Earth's surface was reconstructed identically (albeit at 5 times the scale) with every being and object put back together with the exact same molecules as before. The only exception was the Bass Pro Shop Pyramid (Instance I), which was not reconstructed during this time. Eventually, the increased size led to the Earth sustaining roughly 150 Billion people at once comfortably.

Earth 2 was the most influencial planet in the Omniverse, and was also directly responsible for all of the carnage and destruction wrought by the Waifurian Empire, as it was their homeworld. Earth 2 was hollow, and a wild, jurassic realm existed on the inside of this sphere, untouched by humankind (Until the Chinese government discovered the secret of Uluru).
Autobahn Aeterna

The Autobahn Aeterna was a plagioclase feldspar gigahighway connecting the Pangean Metropoli of Washington DC and Portland, Oregon. It spanned across North America and had a speed limit of 4 Billion Miles Per Hough. This speed limit was removed upon the United States of America's conquest of the former Aeternian lands, and this highway was no longer used for sacred pilgrimages; rather, it was utilized for commerce and intracontinental trade. Sad!
Farmer Charlies

Farmer Charlie’s was an intergalactic chain of fruit vendors operating from 299 B.B. to 36 A.B. The CEO and Supreme Fruiterer, Daniel Sproule, was in charge of the company for it’s entire reign. In 5 A.B, Sproule moved Farmer Charlie’s Headquarters to Waifuria Prime and subsequently began selling fruits interuniversally. Farmer Charlie’s received critical acclaim for selling an award winning array of vegetables and fruits, including apples, bananas, cucumbers, carrots, aubergines, and watermelons.

### Aubergine Suspicions

It is widely suspected that Daniel Sproule and Farmer Charlie’s may be responsible for synthesizing the Aubergine. Although never proven, the Board of Waifuria Supreme Court declared in 7 A.B. that any entity proven to be responsible for synthesizing a “nefarious anti-Legume actor” would suffer fourteen death sentences and a maximum of 50,000 years in federal prison.
Frenté Zix

Frenté Zix was an Oklahoman revolutionary, General Secretary for the Regime, and certified forklift operator. He ruled the Oklahomic Fifth Regime with an iron fist for two years, before the Waifurian Empire staged a coup in the Oklahomic government and Zix was assassinated via blunt force trauma from a hydraulic press.
G-Man and Goodman, Partners at Law

G-Man and Goodman was an alleged "Law Firm" operating from 3 A.B. to 40 A.B.. Two individuals, Saul Goodman and G-Man, opened the practice after reducing the latter's federal prison sentence by roughly 12,998 years. The two operated at first from a cliffside national park in eastern Maine, but moved their practice to Waifuria Prime once construction was completed on the space station.

### High-profile Clients

The law firm quickly gained a reputation for being the type of law firm that guilty people hired, but also for being able to secure egregious and unfathomable amounts of wealth for their clients. G-Man and Saul claimed this was because they were "Really good lawyers." During the firm's entire time active, the two individuals refused to hire anyone other than one woman, Cecily Morbius, with Saul claiming it had "nothing to do with her badass name".

Below is a table of the aforementioned clients, as well as the cases and a brief description of each.

### Waifuria Prime Ownership

After the case of 'G-Man Alpha V. Joe Biden' was settled in 22 A.B., the three decided they would split ownership of Waifuria Prime equally, with each individual gaining a third of the satellite. After the acquisition, they all began aggressively monetizing and selling off parcels of the satellite to corporations and individuals (but never governmental entities). Biden's Governor of Waifuria Prime, Bryan Crayon IV, was 'sent on a trip to Belize', and Saul became the de facto governor of Waifuria Prime (but ceded his territory to the two G-Men in exchange for the position).

### Disbandment of the Firm and Break-up

In 40 A.B., G-Man was called away from Waifuria Prime due to an 'unforeseen consequence'. While he was away, Saul sent him a heartfelt letter, confessing his deep feelings of love and attraction towards the G-Man, but said that he could never be with him, explaining he was too old for G-Man and that the best thing for both of them would be to split ways amicably. When G-Man returned, Saul had disbanded the firm, shredded all important documents, and had left G-Man a small heart-shaped pendant with an image of the two kissing, with the caption, 'S'all Good, G-Man'. G-Man was understandably heartbroken, and was very irritable and moody for the next ten thousand years.
Delaware

### Joe Biden

Delaware was the mythical homeland of Joe Biden. He was not actually born there, nor is there any proof he actually visited there. His true homeland was Mesopotamia.

### Layout and Yonise Stronghold

Delaware was a utopian city located on the southern east coast of the United States. It was erected in 1,329 B.B. It was home to golden phallic-shaped towers, and a massive pyramid known as the Yonise Stronghold. Imprisoned inside of the pyramid was the Yonise itself. Other notable attractions of this area included the Giant Woman and the Memorial.

### Yonise Escapade

In 6 A.B, the Yonise breached containment. It left the Yonise Stronghold intact miraculously, but began to angrily fly through the streets shrieking and raining hellfire down on the citizens of Delaware. The Board of Waifuria immediately launched a squad of elite troopers to quell the Yonise' uprising. Unfortunately, it was already too late by the time that their forces arrived; the Yonise had singlehandedly obliterated every phallic tower in town. When asked to comment about why it was so selective about destroying the suggestive buildings, the Yonise cited its strict Catholic upbringing and values of modesty.

### Erection

In memory of the millions of lives lost, alongside those precious buildings, a monument was erected.
Bushie

Bushie was one of the quirky Animatronics constructed and housed at the London War Crime Emporium. Based on former U.S. President George W. Bush, Bushie was one of the most human-looking of the animatronics, but exhibited terrible behaviors such as creating pipe-bombs labelled 'Weapons of Mass Destruction' and leaving them in the Women's room of the lobby. He had deep red eyes capable of firing laser beams and possessed an unobtanium golfclub used to bludgeon unfortunate Emporiumgoers into piles of flesh and bone.
Dead Hand

> **Dead Hand is a Class 4T Cryptoid which resides in the basement of *your* house. It sometimes hides in the walls, but it's usually under your floorboards.**
>
>

Dead Hand was a Class 4T cryptoid which resided in the basement of the Pittsburg, Pennsylvania South Exit 3 Walmart. It secretly ran the company's entire Northeast branch, and was a high-level corporate Employee. The Dead Hand fed on Walmart Employees and frequently ate people who tried to quit being cogs in the capitalist machine.

Dead Hand vanished from Walmart on January 4, 0 B.B, and has not been seen since.

The [REDACT] have a bounty on its head of roughly 400 million USD. It has evaded all spacetime laws and is thought to have been outside of the Rick Hernia Omniverse at the time of the Final Moment.
Incursion of Waifuria Prime

in 99 A.B, Waifuria Prime was a bustling metropolitan hub, stationed outside of the Kroasis system. The Governor of Waifuria Prime, G-Man (Timefracture Alpha), had recently upgraded the satellite’s processor and graphics card, and it was now running 20% more efficiently than before. It was the most highly intelligent artificial being in the galaxy.

Unfortunately, this new burst of power caught the attention of a rogue Combine scout ship. It reported back to the C.O.C.K., and a Combine Advisor directed General Grievous to conquer Waifuria Prime. Grievous was deployed to Waifuria Prime with 1,000 troops and 300 in reserve.

Initially, the Incursion seemed like it was going to be a massacre. The Waifurian people, mostly low-intelligent finance-obsessed creatures, were defenseless against the Combine armies. Grievous demanded to be taken to the leader of Waifuria Prime so he could kill him.

G-Man Alpha, watching the Chaos unfold, quickly descended in his gubernatorial bunker, where he had housed a dormant Gordon Freeman, still in his stasis chamber from 100 years prior.

After putting Gordon’s HEV suit on, G-Man Alpha woke the Silent Man and explained the situation. Gordon nodded, and uttered what may have been his first and only word: “Crowbar”.

Gordon Freeman single-handedly bested much of the Combine Army. He also engaged in a fateful battle with General Grievous, which would culminate with all but 1 of Grievous’ limbs being severed by Gordon’s mighty crowbar. Grievous scampered to a Waifurian escape pod, but Gordon caught up to him. Grievous, in his fury, attempted to attack Gordon Freeman, who smacked him with the blunt end of the Crowbar continually until Grievous was nothing but a crumpled ball of scrap metal and blood.
East Wyoming Glass Generator

The East Wyoming Glass Generator was a wretched anomalous machine that suddenly spawned into a then-abandoned warehouse in the independent warlord state of East Wyoming. The generator constantly spewed forth a "liquid glass" of sorts that would later form itself and harden into various glass products such as tabletops, drinking glasses, jars, eyewear lenses, vases, and various forms of sex toys. The special properties of liquid glass and the endless supply of products soon made East Wyoming very wealthy, and the generator soon became one of the most popular tourist destinations in North America.
Braindead Stupid Fuck

Brain Dead Stupid Fuck was a poor unfortunate creature that was accidentally created by students during a science class at Honorhall Orphanage. Upon creation, the filthy wretched creature covered in an unspecified compound residue ran out the door of the orphanage and onto a busy highway where it was instantly run over by a Honda Civic driven by a drunk Keith Cumshoes at 200km/h.

Due to Brain Dead Stupid Fuck not technically being a Human, the death was treated as an unfortunate roadkill incident by the MTO City Guard.

Brain Dead Stupid Fuck was buried in the courtyard of Honorhall Orphanage which has since been bulldozed and office complexes built on top of.
Australia

Australia, formerly the **Commonwealth Of Australia**, is a sovereign high republic comprising the mainland of the Australian continent, the island of Tasmania, the north island of New Zealand (Annexed), Papua New Guinea, The Samoan islands and various other smaller islands. With an area of 8,197,529 square kilometres (5,093,708 sq mi) Australia is the largest country by area in Oceania and the world's sixth-largest country.

## The High Republic Of Australia

### National Anthem

Advance Australia Fair (former)Waltzing Matilda (current)

### Demonym(s)

AustralianAussie (colloquial)Funny Upside-Down People (derogatory)

### Government

Federal parliamentary constitutional monarchy (former)

### Currency

Australian Dollar ($) (AUD)Recyclable Plastic Water Bottles (n/a) (WBT)
Germany 2

Germany 2 (The Second German Republic) was a European Nation which was codeveloped by the United States, United Kingdom, and Soviet Onion Governments in 71 BB.

## Pre-Germany

For many years, Germany existed under the banner of various other Empires- from the Huns, the Buns, the Soviet Onion, and the Intergalactic Combine Imperial Invasion Force- Germany was passed around more than a fifth of Jack at a frat party.

Despite this, there were indeed people who lived in Germany, and they did indeed have their own culture. After the fall of the Satanic Roman Empire in 214 BB, Germans rallied around their largest city, Berlin, and had a massive communal toast to one another (the largest toast in Omniversal History). This was, in a word, Perfektenschlag.

Germany developed into its own nation, and became a leading exporter of alcoholic beverages of all sorts in Europe. Of course, this didn't last long, as the Combine Invasion Force soon arrived in Europe.

## Great META War

During the Great META War, which raged on for nearly 200 years, Germans fought valiantly and bravely against the space oddities which rained down from the sky. Germany was in a state of constant flux between the Combine and MTO forces; that is, until the meteoric rise to power of Angela "The Terminator" Merkel, who was a half-woman half-cyborg machination who gave General Grievous a Run for his money. After a climactic duel between the two at the Sixty Eighth Siege of Hamburg, (as well as the valiant acts of rebels during the Spanish Inquisition and Titanic III Mysterium), The Combine finally began a retreat from Europe, which would lead directly into the end of the Great META War at the hands of Mister Nefarious and Donald John Trump.

## Language

The Germans spoke an incomprehensible language; below, are some examples to show just how hard to understand their language was for speakers of Galactic English. The neighboring country of the Netherlands spoke an equally horrendous language, which we have taken the liberty of including below. Comparisons are also provided to the prevalent Combine-Deutronic tongue, of which 89% of Omniversal Residents were fluent in.
Boris Johnson XV

Boris Johnson the 15th was the Fourteenth Successive Clone of British MP Boris Johnson. He was the Prime Minister of the tea-planet Brand New England and, prior to that, served as a Special Force in the terrorist organization Worlds without Boundaries. Following a nasty knee injury, Boris XV was frozen in cryogenics for 500,000 years and was unfrozen in 999,960 AB, where he joined WWB in the final fight against the Rotter and his Enclave.
Combine Offices Complex Knot (C.O.C.K.)

## Combine Offices Complex Knot

The Combine Offices Complex Knot, often referred to by the unfortunate acronym 'C.O.C.K.', was a massive supercubicle residing deep in the core of the Andromeda Galaxy. It was the Combine base of operations and was (allegedly) impossible to penetrate. Home to over 400 billion Combine units, and nearly 100 million office Drones, it is widely regarded to have been the single most populated object in the local Supercluster. Notably, the hierarchy of command at the C.O.C.K. was proven impossible to determine by outside sources.
Bilb Complex

The Bilb Complex was a quintessential anomaly in Omniversal Spacetime. It was commonly referred to by Omniversal Scholars as a 'Timeskip'. Spacetime was bent so drastically around the Bilb Complex that after standing near it for one minute, 100 years would have passed in the Omniverse.

### Bilb Star Elixir

The Bilb Complex was infested with Bilb Wasps. The origins of the Bilb Complex are theorized to have involved this infestation of Bilb Wasps, which took control of and made sentient a rogue asteroid. They kept breeding and breeding and breeding, until, finally, they passed the Ozband Threshold, and the mass inside of the asteroid became greater than that of the nearest star. The Bilb Complex then consumed this entire star, which fed the Bilb Wasps, who began puking it up and producing a miraculous compound known as 'Bilb Star Elixir'.
Nepgear

Neptune (ネプギア Nepugia) is a character from the Neptunia franchise. She represents a 6th generation Sega handheld (released on December 4, 2004 in Japan, March 22, 2005 in North America, and September 27, 2005 in the PAL regions).

She was born on December 4, 1991, and she debuted on December 4, 2004 at 13.

Her HDD form is Purple Sister (パープルシスター *Pāpuru Shisutā*).

Her Next Form is Next Purple Sister (ネクストパープルシスター *Nekusuto Pāpuru Shisutā*), which represents a 7th generation Sega handheld (released on December 3, 2011 in Japan, March 15, 2012 in North America, and June 13, 2012 in the PAL regions).

She has an older sister, Neptune.

She was 13 years old on December 4, 2004, when she debuted and became a goddess.

She was 19 years old on December 3, 2011.

She is voiced by Yui Horie (Japanese) and Christine Marie Cabanos (English).
Ghetsin Impact

Ghetsin Impact was a series of manga comics developed and written by Millings. Since Millings wrote them, absolutely nobody read them; however, Ghetsin Impact was actually one of the best-written scripts in Omniversal History. Too bad the author was Millings.

## Plot

The first issue of Ghetsin Impact follows a young boy, Kai, who falls in love with his middle-aged nanny, May. May and Kai have a forbidden (and illegal) romance, and eventually, Kai impregnates May.

The seventy four other issues of Ghetsin Impact vary slightly from the original plot; there are in-depth political analyses, vore of Francis Merrigold, and instructions on how to cook Garraxian Methamphetamine.

## Millings Publisher Search

Millings searched across the Omniverse for a publisher who would pick up his series, but being the sole resident janitor at the Temple of Rannjoe, he was never able to leave the property. Once, he asked a dear friend of his, Binnings, to deliver the  transcript to a comic publisher on Zerrion; however, Binnings was eaten by a homeless person before he could deliver the transcript.

Millings Binnings Funeral

Millings eventually realized what had happened to Binnings, and held a funeral for him. He invited all of the Warshippers; however, the only individual who attended the funeral was Horse MK.2, who was visiting the Temple of Rannjoe on a spiritual journey. Millings spoke to Horse MK. 2 about Ghetsin Impact, and the cybersteed promised to arrange a meeting with a publisher he met while serving as Waifurian Emperor.

Unfortunately, Horse MK. 2 died later that day, and was unable to give Millings the proper information to contact the publisher.

## Millings Sad Arc

Millings went through an arc where the fur golem was much sadder than normal, refusing to clean up the sexual egress left around the temple. Eventually, Millings accepted that the series would never be published, and forgot about it.
High Witches of Alaska

The High Witches of Alaska were a race of superpowerful magic-wielding barbarians who conquered large swaths of North America during the Dark Ages (pre-America Aeterna).

When the Great MAGA King rose to power, he led a crusade to exterminate the witches. Few remain across the land, but some were cruelly kept alive as pets or exhibits by the common folk of Earth.
Abraham Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln was the 16th U.S president from 159 B.B to 151 B.B. He led the Union to victory in the American Civil War. He was elected for two consecutive terms, both of which he completed.

A failed assassination attempt in 155 B.B by american actor John Wilkes Booth led Lincoln to begin traveling with elite bodyguards, known as the Red Guards. The Red Guards became the traditional presidential protectors until 1 AB, when Joe Biden phased them out in exchange for the Superpredators.
Employers

The Employers were a group of three all-powerful extra-Omniversal entities who watched over the Omniverse. They resided outside of the Rick Hernia Omniverse, in the Outervoid, although at times they ventured into the Omniverse to nudge things, from time to time. Usually, though, their subservient Employees carried out their bidding.

The Employers were the Auditor, keeper of balance, the Author, keeper of space, and Chraunor, keeper of time.
El Vendedor

El Vendedor (English; The Seller) was a macabre humanstalker and Libertarian Party Gubernational Candidate for Arizona (District II). El Vendedor closely beat out the incumbent Kari Lake, winning the election and becoming the first nonhuman Governor of Arizona. This was grand, and El Vendedor was celebrated worldwide for bringing 'diversity' and 'representation' to the governorship. However, these individuals soon regretted supporting El Vendedor, after it decreed by executive order than 'all crime is legal' for 24 hours, and immediately went on a killing spree, killing 53 of its own constituents. El Vendedor was then arrested after a tense skirmish with the Waifurian Military, and faced two death sentences and federal charges of seditious intent. El Vendedor was put to death on the electric chair.
I

The I is the omniscient hypergod of the Omniverse, and now the Multiverse. It presides over all realities and, much like the Employers, exists outside of time and space. The Employers and other members of their race worship The I as it is their creator. Knowledge of The I typically obliterates the sanity of anyone below the power level of The Employers or their kin. Despite this, some very ancient murals, such as the one seen above, depict The I. It is unknown how these peoples were aware of The I or if they were even capable of comprehending its true nature. We have the special privilege of having been granted the knowledge of The I’s existence, however it is not recommended for anyone without Employer-Tier Psychomemetic Protections to ever even think about The I, as it would certainly drive them insane.

-   ....   . / --.   . ..   .   .-   -   .   ...   - / .--   ..   ⸺   ⸺ / -..   .   --   .-   -.   -..   ... / -   ....   . / . ..   .   -   ..-   . ..   -. / . .   .-. / -   ....   . / . .   --   -.   ..   ...-   .   . ..   ...   .   ..--.. / .. ..   . .   ..-   . .. / .   .-..   .....   .   . ..   ..   --   .   -.   - / ..   ... / -.   . .   - / .. ..   .   - / .. .   . .   --   .....   ⸺   .   -   .   .-.- / ..-. -.   .   --   .....   ⸺   . .   .. ..   .   . ..   ...   ..-. -.-.   ..--..
Calgary, Alberta

Calgary, Alberta was a large city in western Canada. It was abandoned in 44 A.B. in the Exodus of Calgary. due to a maple syrup shortage which traumatized all of its citizens. Afterwards, it became a hub for the criminal underworld, and a massive pain in the ass (due to constant smuggling and illicit trading) to the Waifurian government. It became known as a 'wretched hive of scum and villainy".
C.S.S. Skeld

The C.C.S. Skeld\* was a forward command ship in the service of the Combine Invasion Force and commanded by Admiral Sus E. Amonger. The ship saw many battles, and was one of the few Combine Command Ships to survive the war. It is unknown what became of the ship following the war. Some say it was handed back to Amonger following his dismissal as a gift of appeasement.\*\* Others claim the ship was dismantled into scrap or simply dearmed and converted into a transport ship.

\*As the ship was commanded by an Inerslohtian, it was named Skeld after their word for ship.

\*\*Sources claim Combine officials were worried about Amonger returning to Inersloht and beginning a rebellion but no such worries were ever confirmed by the Combine Empire
Grand Pluto Death March

The Grand Pluto Death March was an incident in which the Planet of Death, Pluto, began inexplicably floating away from the Sun. Pluto drifted away from the Sun at remarkably slow speeds, falling into the core of the Milky Way Galaxy. When Pluto reached the Supermassive Black Hole, the damned souls and zombies of Pluto began ripping apart the gravitational well, eventually destroying it and consuming all antimatter within the blackhole. Pluto became the center of the galaxy for the rest of Omniversal History.
Honorhall Orphanage

**Honorhall Orphanage**, located in northern Maine, was a home for children with special abilities whose parents either died or abandoned them. It was privately funded by Joe Biden and run by [REDACTED- U.S. COVERUP ISSUANCE 33B] Four children lived at Honorhall during its entire eighty year tenure; most of the time, it sat vacant. The Children were Thing 1, Thing 2, St. Nick, and an adolescent baboon. Rick Hernia also lived there for a short time, however he left quickly to join the fight against the Combine in the Great META War.

The Groundskeeper of Honorhall Orphanage, Moot, frequently played with, bathed, and generally cared for all of the children, as most of the other staff did not exist anymore.
Grievous Quartet

The Grievous Quartet, otherwise known as the Fearsome Four, was a four-piece hivemind entity which was constructed using the remains of General Grievous. After his death at the hands of Gordon Freeman, top Combine scientists came together to salvage the brain matter of the crowbar-crumpled general, and these remains were quickly brought back to the COCK for Reanimation.

At first, one clone was developed, with enhanced technological suit capabilities. However, Combine Advisor 4EEEE-D suggested that they simply make more clones, in order to control larger regions of the galaxy as Grievous had done.

Ultimately, four clones were developed

Bloodblight, who specialized in physical combat

Starblight, who specialized in naval warfare

Moonblight, who speciailized in land invasions and aerial combat,

Boneblight, who was especially stealthy and also incredibly good at killing things.

These four clones were raised at the COCK, and brainwashed with Combine propoganda from a young age, so as to give thier brains no room whatsoever to grow outside of what the Combine needed.

Within several decades, the clones had reached maturity, and, after being raised together for their entire lives, they were seperated and each assigned to sectors of the Andromeda galaxy, with entire naval fleets under their command.
Father Snow

Father Snow was the Omniversal God of Cold and Darkness, and was the polar opposite of Ed Wool. Residing in the an icy asteroid in the deep reaches of space, Father Snow's mystic energy kept the Omniverse at a steady temperature of absolute zero. Without Father Snow's regulation of the Omniverse, it would have imploded several minutes after its inception.

## Poor Social Skills

Father Snow was ostracized from the other Gods, and was not ever invited to join the Council of the Gods (despite being one of the oldest and wisest entities in the Omniverse). Father Snow was a very socially inept creature, being unable to speak in any dialect besides very basic Portuguese. Eye contact with Father Snow also caused serious Soul Damage, and as such many of the Gods avoided him altogether. Father Snow was a nice guy, he was just misunderstood.

## Entrapment Incident

Father Snow accidentally kidnapped an entire Combine battalion, as it was traveling through space in the aftermath of the Great META War. When the Combine soldiers began screaming, Father Snow panicked and froze them all solid. These frozen corpses became Father Snow's family, and he developed stories and personalities for each and every one of the two hundred and three unfortunate souls.
Ambutakam

Ambutakam was an ancient high priest of the Cummonious Order, established in midwestern Africa in 233 BB. He passed away during intercourse when his testicles, which he claimed "were about to bust", did in fact, bust, and his nutsack exploded. Cum and bodily fluids dripped from this gaping hole for several hours, while Ambutakam remained unconscious. Eventually, he was blessed with the presence of Ugandan Corn Beetles, who entered his penile cavity and began eating away at his organs from the inside out. Through this process, Ambutakam's soul was digested by these insects, and, through photobilbiorespiration, he was born again, as a writhing swarm of cum-guzzling Ugandan Corn Beetles. Ambutakam became the High Priest of Insects, and traveled across Africa guzzling semen and consuming more and more innocent men, until, finally, one day, the earth opened up and swallowed him whole, sending him plunging to his death to Agartha, where his insectoidal body was feasted upon by the Agarthans.

These ancient Corn Beetles would eventually evolve into wasps; hence, Ambutakam was the ancient ancestor of the Bilb Wasp Home.
Attack On Titan

As Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton was responsible for serving as the chief foreign affairs advisor. She advised President Obamna on both intraplanetary and extraplanetary relations, including those of the American Embassy on Titan, a moon of Saturn.

This was all fine and dandy, until a group of Combine officials reached out to Secretary Clinton in search of American intelligence. The secretary, remembering the Combine as her saviors and rescuers from many years ago, obliged, and emailed approximately 33,000 emails to the Combine providing a general synopsis of the entire Board of Waifuria defense strategy for the next twenty years.

As a result of this, an attack was made out on the Embassy on Titan, and it was revealed through NSA investigations that Hillary had been in contact with Combine officials.
Horse MK. 2

Horse MK.2 was a cybersteed and Emperor of Waifuria. Notably, Horse MK.2 was indirectly partially responsible for the death of Saul Goodman.

### Early Childhood

Horse MK.2 was synthesized in an Ohioan weapons lab in 193 B.B., during the Great Meta War. It was created by Dr. Finshersnitch Ozband, who speculated that creating a 'cybersteed' would help the Ohioan armies gain the upper hand against the Combine and American forces.

### Sentience

While Ohio gained very little from Dr. Ozband's work, Horse MK.2 gained sentience due to a freak accident where a lab assistant accidentally connected his cerebral cortex to a neurocord and uploaded his conscience to Google Drive. Taking advantage of the situation, Dr. Ozband downloaded the assistant's conscience onto a USB drive and implanted it into Horse MK.2.

### Feelings of Remorse

After the settlement of a lawsuit against the Christian Children's Foundation for Cancer research, Horse MK.2 realized that it had taken all of the money from this nonprofit organization. Its lawyers, G-Man and Goodman, reassured it that "their pain would soon be quelled". When Horse MK.2 attempted to return the money, Saul threatened it with a lawsuit for dishonoring the settlement. Horse MK.2 begrudgingly accepted the money, and invested it all into shares of Farmer Charlies stock.

### Imperial Reigns

Horse MK.2 served as Emperor of Waifuria twice (see Waifurian Dynasties). It was the only entity to do so twice in the same lifetime. Horse MK.2 made great strides in improving the intergalactic shipping routes of the Supercluster. It also worked closely with top scientists to discover the secrets of the Omniverse. Much of that work, unfortunately, was lost when one of its successors, Emperor G-Man Alpha, developed what could only be described as a "book-burning fetish".

### Monk Phase

After its second term as Emperor, Horse MK.2 became very introspective. Inspired by its work with top physicists and researchers during its time as Emperor, Horse MK.2 turned to Buddhism, and slowly discarded all of its possessions in favor of a minimalist lifestyle. Horse MK.2 moved to Ghetsin 3 to study with the Warshippers, intrigued by legends it had heard of the Legume. It worked closely with Francis Merrigold, and even exchanged ideas with Rick Hernia, attempting to understand everything it possibly could understand. In time, Horse MK.2 became omniversally acclaimed for being one of the greatest thinkers of its epoch.

### Death

During its time on Ghetsin 3, Horse MK.2 was fatally wounded during a Warshipper Orgy. While it called out in pain, dying in a damp, dark room in the Temple of Rannjoe, it exclaimed, "That's the meaning of life. Of course!". It then died. Francis Merrigold declined to comment on how Horse MK.2 was being used in the orgy that led to its untimely demise.
Bass Pro Shop Pyramid

The Bass Pro Shop Pyramid was a large religious landmark (and later governmental office) that was constructed three seperate times over the course of the Omniverse's lifespan.

### Bass Pro Shop Pyramid (Instance I)

The first Bass Pro Shop Pyramid was located on Pangea. It was heavily involved with the events of the Great MAGA King's quest for the $5 Chalupa Box on old Earth. It was mysteriously older than Earth itself, with rocks dating back to almost 15 quadrillion years before that era. It was of great religious and historical significance during this time period. After the destruction of Old Earth, it was mysteriously not recreated in the reconstruction process.

### Bass Pro Shop Pyramid (Instance II)

The Bass Pro Shop Pyramid was conceived for a second time by the genius engineer Bryan Crayon in 120 B.B. and won several awards for architectural ingenuity, including the Bryan Crayon Award for Original Concept, the Bryan Crayon Award for Greatest Pyramid that will Not Be Built Again on a Giant Floating Space Station, and the Ohioan People's Choice Award for Most Likely to Be Targeted via Nuclear Warheads by a Foreign Nation. The city of Memphis, Tennessee was built around the Pyramid.

In 40 B.B., it was converted to the headquarters of the Board of Waifuria, after their previous headquarters were destroyed by an Ohioan attack tsunami. It was later used as the headquarters for the Waifurian Empire during the entire Imperial Era.

### Bass Pro Shop Pyramid (Instance III)

The Bass Pro Shop Pyramid was re-erected for a final time on Waifuria Prime, in the year 3,501,322,345,653 A.B.. By this time, history had become so warped and distorted that the people of Waifuria Prime believed that the Bass Pro Shop Pyramid had been some sort of giant outdoors and fishing supply store.

Thus, this Bass Pro Shop Pyramid was fashioned as a sort of marketing ploy for the omniverse's greediest rare fish collectors. They made trillions of dollars profiting off of the Pyramid's status as an ancient relic. The Bass Pro Shop Pyramid went down in infamy as one of the most corrupt entities ever to grace Waifuria Prime (no small feat).
Keith Cumshoes

Sir Chungus,

Chungles

Mr. Cumshoes (Referred to by Gman),

Alduin (Brother)

Richard Nixon (Son)

M.T.O Veterans

Rick Hernia's Cum Cult

BA$EDGOD,

Click Bitch,

G@NG $H!T 2,

Joe Biden's Birthing Suite,

BA$ED FREESTYLE SYMPHONY NO. 002 IN A MINOR,

Shrek 2,

Santa Cock's Steamy Festive Freestyle,

I Know Joe

**Keith Cumshoes** was a bizarre entity comprised of blue wood and with skin that resembled an expensive suit. He was a member of the ancient Scott Morrison clan, as well as a musical artist and major player in the Glue Factory Incident. He starred in the 2049 AB holodocumentary 'Blade Runner 2049 AB'.

## Early Life

Keith Cumshoes was born on July 4th, 200 B.B. (Before BA$EDGOD), in a small farmhouse in New York. He was born to his Mother, 6, and his father, The G- Man (Both were able to reproduce via their own metaphysical terrestrial-acceptable manifestations). The couple raised him with traditional, Christian values, which he went on to disavow.

He attended West Valley Central School, and had a close friend, Gerald H, until a horrendous accident rendered Keith friendless.

In his later years at West Valley Central School, Keith was known to preach moderate conservatism, centrism, atheism, and aneurysm. His interests in these subjects are generally assumed to have been based on his kindergarten education, although nobody is quite sure.

The archives are incomplete on the subject of Keith Cumshoes' childhood; as whenever he was asked about his past, he screamed supersonically and his ears temporarily detached from his head. This was theorized to have been linked to horrendous trauma sustained during G-Man's execution of Gerald H. (Which Keith witnessed firsthand).

## Teen Years

As a teenager, Keith became slowly aware of his incredible potential for speed and agility. He also discovered his higher-than-normal count of white blood cells, enabling him to be invincible to all viral infections and diseases. He also became fascinated with space travel; he had an affair with a Vortigaunt named Jezebel, with whom he fathered 4,996,543 x 10^4 offspring. All became deceased at Jezebel's residence in Ohio, during the Bombing of Columbus.

### Death

Keith Cumshoes was decapitated and killed by Director Phobos in the Bass Pro Shop Pyramid, during an attempt by he and Rick to stop the murder of Joe Biden.
Berrand

Berrand was a large terrestrial planet in the far reaches of the Omniverse. It was Hunter Biden's base of operations for many years.

Berrand orbited a quadruple star system consisting of four medium class yellow stars, but at such a far distance that it maintained a fairly normal orbit. Berrand was the only planet in this system. In 22,526 B.B., Berrand suffered a terrible cataclysm when two of its moons collided and rained down hellfire on the surface. The incident became known by historians as "two moons, one planet".

### Cataclysm

Berrand's cataclysm had a long-lasting impact on the planet. Besides the change in surface temperature and makeup, microbial lifeforms that had lived on Berrand's two moons began evolving in the hot, boiling seas of the planet. After thousands of years, Berrand became cool enough for the life to venture onto land. Many space-faring races began to settle and cultivate these newly evolving life forms. They didn't evolve for very long though, as Hunter Biden soon arrived and released a Purge Bomb onto the planet.

### Hunter Biden

After being exiled from Dutt Kroasis, Hunter Biden, the scourge of the Omniverse, relocated to Berrand. After using the aforementioned Purge Bomb to kill all lifeforms on the planet, Hunter began fashioning himself a city of bronze- a place that he named New Memphis. He had brought several thousand Dutt Kroasins with him (against their will) and used them as slave laborers. Hunter fashioned his image into that of a God, and made his captives worship him as such.
Eirræbœ

```
The following is a document uncovered from Omniversal Archive Leakage 478. Recommended course of action is to not let The Employers know what we've found. Investigations into this entity are to remain completely confidential, we might not be ready for what we find here.

```

```
If you are reading this then that means IT hasn't found me yet. I can't say much about her, not without IT noticing me. IT is not the only thing like IT out there. There is a secretive war of unfathomable scale ongoing since before the creation of the Omniverse itself. A war between her and IT. She was the one that put that fucking thing in Memphis. We know absolutely fucking nothing about her, even less than IT. But IT wants to keep her a secret from us. But she is smarter than that, she has made her presence known. Rejoice in the coming of her Idol! Hail Eirræb-

```

```
Document cuts off there, I'm not entirely sure what to think of this. Keep investigating. We can't let IT stop us.

```
Fivestore

The Fivestore was a store of Fives and Fruits located in City 14, (Formerly known as Gary, Indiana). It was a large facility dedicated to housing and selling big peaches marked with the letter '5' and that was grand. Thes4 peachges were very grand. Grand . Grand. Purchasoid. them Peahcoid. Peachoid. Peachoid.

P

Mr. Vance was a fan of these them peaches. Peaches are grandium. Grandium/ Peaches are Blum Troll. Fibve Beers In Tonigg. Five beers. Five Berr.s Five beers. Bfive beers. Five more people need to grandoid. What oid. WEha.

Lalllll

eahcoid. Peachoid. Peachoid. Peachoid. Peachoid. Peachoid. Peachoid. Peachoid. Peachoid. Peachoid. Peachoid. Peachoid. Peachoid. Peachoid. Peacho