Absit Mann

> "D... Do YOU want me to play again?"
>
> - Absit, after being swindled, asking his swindler if she wants to swindle him for more, after she asks HIM what HE wants

### Aliases

* Abby [Friends]
* Abs [Friends]
* Unkie Absie [Idunn]
* Abshit [Sister]
* Abble of My Eye [Me :) ]

### Relatives

* Felix Exitus Mann [Son]
* Dead Wife [Dead Wife]
* Ofric Mann [Dad]
* Unnamed Mom
* Malicia Mann [Older Sister]
* Dagda Mann [Younger Brother]
* Idunn O'Mann [Niece]

### Occupation

* Fashion Designer
* Scared Baby Man

## Biographical information

### Date of birth

* April 20, 2023
* [May 25, 2022]

## Overview

Absit is a little bastard (literally; he is short and the son of a mistress) who self-flagellates himself constantly, but not in a sexy way. He has been continuously unlucky all his life, and never catches a break—until he meets his wife.

But then she dies in childbirth a day before his birthday, so in the end, that 'break' was the most insidious Happiness Assassin in disguise, playing the long game. Damn, he's good.

His hobbies include crying in a corner, crying in a ball, and crying in the middle of a busy crowd because he's in the middle of an anxiety attack.

What a useless character. Who wants to read about some crybaby loser manchild struggling to buy Poptarts because he's too short to reach them himself and is deathly afraid of asking anyone for help? That sounds like the *worst thing ever.*

**\*Proceeds to write about him meeting his future wife during a suicide attempt\***

## Basic Boring History with no Jokes

* 1978 (0): Born
* 1987 (9): Dad becomes sick.
* 1996-2001 (18-23): University. Medicine at first, then switches to Fashion Design after his dad dies.
	+ 1997 (19): Dad dies. Meets future wife.
	+ 1999 (21): Dates future wife.
* 2003 (25): Marries wife.
* 2007 (29): Wife dies in childbirth. Son, Felix, born.
* 2013 (35): Joins OkkultleyFans. Meets Nina.

## In-depth History

Abby was born a BASTARD CHILD, but despite that sounding super cool and edgy, it wasn't, because instead of his stepmother's rejection turning him into a Total Uncaring Badass with a Grudge, he just developed Severe Social Anxiety and Depression and was emotionally crippled for the rest of his life. At least he chose the right colors to be a proper Edgelord Bastard: red and black.

His stepmom ignored or criticized him. His older sister bullied him constantly. His younger brother was a smooth brained space cadet who noticed at an early age that Absit would do whatever he asked him to do, so he just kept asking, because he figured that was Absit's 'thing.' His dad actually cared for and pitied him and was his sole lifeline to the world, but he got sick when Absit was 9 and then died when he was 19. Whoops.

After his dad's death, he tried to off himself by jumping off a cliff, but then this girl who visited the same cliff every Friday (to WATCH THE SUNSET) stopped him—and by 'stopped him' I mean she startled him and almost made him fall herself, but then she grabbed his hand. This woman felt bad for ALMOST KILLING HIM, and asked him to hang out again sometime, and because Absit can't say 'no,' they did, and then two years later, they started dating.

Yeah. The lady who almost accidentally killed the man who was trying to purposefully kill himself ended up becoming his lover—and then their child accidentally killed her ten years after that first meeting. 😊

*BUT I'M GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF.*

At age 19, he met this Currently-Nameless-And-Designless-Despite-Being-Very-Important woman, and she convinced him to ditch his Medicine track and go into Fashion Design instead, which he did.

At the age of 21, they started dating, and to his surprise, when he was 23, he was invited to his brother's wedding (despite him *not* being invited to his sister's, six years prior). He panics about it ahead of time, but his girlfriend calms him down and even motivates him to make a fake wedding outfit design for the bride and groom as a gift, which he sheepishly gives to his brother, AND HIS BROTHER THANKS HIM?! WHAT?!?!?!

The two reconcile a little bit, and Absit learns that, all this time, his little bro actually looked up to him for being so kind and helpful, and his brain fries, his entire world being put into a new perspective. But then his sis ruins the happy feelings by doing the *opposite* of reconciling, pulling a classic Nikocado Avocado:

> "This [your stunted emotional development] is *your* fault." \*Dramatic scoff\*
>
>

But unlike Nikocado Avocado, she isn't fat, nor does she waddle away like a cartoon character.

Absit accepts that his crippling anxiety and depression is selfish and he's just a bad person who doesn't deserve an apology, and he goes home to his girlfriend to cry both tears of joy and sadness as he explains the day to her.

He marries his wife in 2003, two years after the Towers fall, and now that I think about it, 9/11 was likely Absit's fault too. \*Dramatic scoff\*

Absit is Actually Happy™ for four years, and starts gaining some genuine confidence, and this grows when he's hired as a fashion designer for some big, famous company. His wife is happy for him, yet secretly depressed about her own dreams of fashion designing still not getting off the ground, but to cheer herself up, she tries to focus on her relationship with Absit, convincing him to KNOCK HER UP, given he just made them *very* financially stable.

They have *hot sex* and after *many attempts* at *hot sex*, Nameless Wife gets pregnant, and she tells him "Hey, man, you're not a failure or lapse, despite your middle name literally meaning that, because *this kid* needed your SEXY SEED to be born. So we're naming this kid 'Happy Ending' because DAMN, BOY, YOU GAVE ME ONE WHEN WE WERE CREATING HIM, but also, because you're all about symbolism, and that's a good name, right?"

But then, in CLASSIC ABSIT FASHION, she died during childbirth, thus making the kid's name being 'Happy Ending' just another kick to the groin for this ever-suffering man.

He is widowed at age 29, and a day later, he celebrates his 30th birthday by crying in bed all day. He also spends most of the following weeks doing that. He's very consistent.

Realizing the baby probably requires human interaction to actually EVOLVE HIS BRAIN, he does eventually start talking to the baby, constantly referencing his child's dead mother instead of himself, because that's the only person who *deserves* to be talked about, not his stupid pathetic dad. He uses the term so much that the kid's first word is 'mama,' which Absit always responds heavily to, making the kid, for a time, think Absit himself is 'mama.'

*Classic*.

His life spirals a ton during this time, given he *hates* burdening people, yet he's too emotionally damaged to properly work, so he has to *actually tell his boss about his situation without telling him "I need a break" because he can't ask for things,* but thankfully, his boss tells him "TAKE A FEW WEEKS OFF, MAN. YOU'RE A SUDDEN SINGLE FATHER WITH A NEWBORN; IT'S FINE, SHEESH."

He would've definitely returned to that old cliff of his if not for Baby Felix, who has a death grip on his life, as the last remaining piece of his wife that still exists, which he *cannot just discard, as that would be an affront to her memory.*

Eventually, his kid grows up enough to have a functioning brain—often more functioning than Absit's—and he convinces him to go to therapy, and also to join OkkultleyFans, where he meets Nina Kneller. And that's where he currently is, maybe, but I don't really think about his 'present day' self much, at least in *Vampire,* given he's literally a background character that very well may never be referenced.

The End.

## Philosophy

"W-What, there were jokes ab... about being the 'r*'* word? *Ohhhh my...* Y-You can't have *that* here!!! What will people say?! *Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.*"

## Fears

* ***Everything.***
* *But in particular, he fears the number 9.*
	+ His dad got sick when he was 9.
	+ His dad died when he was 19.
	+ His wife died when he was 29.
	+ Nothing happened when he was 39—*or did it?!* He swears, something happened, and he just isn't aware of it yet.

## Relationships

* PCs:
	+ G**atlin Clingman****:** Gatlin is his nosy, noisy neighbor and frequent stressor. After being shy himself during his German schoolyears, Gatlin kind of resents anyone who's shy, and tries to force them out of their shells; he *means* no harm, but *does* much harm to this poor man's mental psyche.
* Friends:
	+ **Nina Kneller:** They're not *particularly* close, but they share a hobby, and Absit doesn't really get out much, so to *him,* she's a dear friend, even if he's also stressed out and uncomfortable talking to her. To Nina, he's a nice weird guy she sort of pities. She'll lightly tease him, but isn't *nearly* as brutal as she is with Gatlin, who takes (and loves) the abuse.
* Relatives:
	+ **Idunn O'Mann (28)**: His insane niece who definitely does not have a fully-developed brain, as she acts like an unruly child. Idunn *adores* Absit, because he's the only one who puts up with her, which is why she's living with him now. She *adores* guns, and might be part of a gang.

## Trivia

* If he were a furry, he's be Valstrax, the *Monster Hunter* dragon, because he's black and red, and there's no other reason, because I was just in a Gatlin mood while playing *Monster Hunter,* so I compared almost everything to Gatlin—***BUT THEN IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWED UP BY COMPARING IT TO ABSIT.***
* The reason he wears fancy clothing is because he's WHIPPED and does whatever his DEAD WIFE told him to do, and she wanted him to express himself through fashion, so he did.
	+ He often puts symbolism into his clothing, like a true FIFTEEN YEAR OLD ARTIST WHO THINKS THEY'RE BEING DEEP WHEN THEY'RE NOT. The blackness of his clothing is symbolism for the unyielding pit of despair he constantly drowns in (okay, it's probably actually just him mourning his wife with black, with red maybe symbolizing his unending love for her).
* You know about the Twin Towers? Well, there was actually a third tower, and it's Absit's BIG DICK, but it didn't go down on September 11, 2001; no, it went UP in 2003, after he married his wife and HAD MARITAL SEX FOR THE FIRST TIME.
* If you tell him to jump (off a cliff) he'll ask "how high (of a cliff)?" and hope it's high enough to kill him.
	+ Thankfully, most cliffs are high enough to kill people.
* Absit will get me cancelled within five years, for making fun of suicide. :(
	+ I will blame him and him alone for my downfall, as he is to blame for all bad things that happen to everyone, for both good and bad people alike. He's responsible for Hitler rising to power, but also responsible for his downfall.
* Despite overall being a *very* healthy eater, he likes Poptarts and other unhealthy 'childish' foods, because he didn't have a real childhood. His wife is who got him interested in that kind of food.
* His wife is dead.
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## Gallery

This man is so gay-coded for being an almost-straight.He looks like a Beatnik when he wears sunglasses.People don't respect vegetarians enough. Look at what they have to go through.But what if the 'vanilla' is actually cu—He died for our sins.This is Not Productive to Society.Unkie Absie bonding with his niece through a special teething ritual.Get a guy who can do both.His LIFE Hates Him, but the DICE Love Him.This happens every Sunday. It's an Absit Tradition.Your average Absit interaction. THIS IS A CONSTANT THING.Abs in LIMINAL\_, with his STOLEN ITEMS.