Proverbs and Anecdotes

## Bio

**Proverbs** is a monologue performed by Benny Hill on April 16, 1986. It is set in a pub with Benny sitting down and offering words of wit and wisdom to his (unseen) pub mates who at the end pelt him with trash. Since Benny is much younger in this bit as opposed to the other material in this episode, William Brown of "Benny's Place" has identified this routine as previously unseen material from 1978.

## Lyrics

(NOTE: The accuracy of these lines are a bit in doubt.)

Our librarian Charlie is always quoting anecdotes

Like proverbs and anecdotes - The kind to make you ponder

I reckon he's got his brains in his behind

But he says out of sight is out of mind

Then he says abuse makes the heart grow fonder

It's always look before you leap and as you sow so how you reap

Of course for every Jack there's a Jill; It's now you see it, now you don't

It was created by a bloke watching a nudist roll down a hill

I'll tell you when I found my place at the garden it was a disgrace

It looked like a blooming wilderness

I worked day and night until I got it right until I cleaned up the rotten room

He came past one day, saw my floral display, noticed the lawn all neatly mowed

He says "What God can do with a little help from you."

I said, "You should have seen it when he had it on his own!"

One day he came in the docky pass to see how it was

He came to see the chubby barmaid Myrtle he says.

He says, "As you know, there is a destiny that shapes our end."

I said, "Well, put mine in an eighteen hour girdle!"

And soon he has started, "A fool and his money are soon parted."

I said, "Well, how did they get together in the first place!"

And here I can tell you that ignorance is bliss.

I said, "Well, how come you've got the most ingnorant looking face?"

He sends all men to his trays - We are not all meant the same

Evel Knieval is glad when he misses his last place.

I once saw a nun fall down, and she landed on a clown

Isn't that "virgin" on the ridiculous?

He said start a day with a smile and in a little while he'll say what are you laughing at.

I want to say Rome was not built in a day

Someone said, "Well, what do you mean by that?"

Well, if I was to put the pastor's bull in a garden of hogs

And let him pick over the strays the next day

I wouldn't find a lot of calves!

No, but I'd see a lot of contented faces!

You see, the more he got tardy, the more he got to midday.

There's a saying we all agree

Early to bed and early to rise can make you healthy, wealthy and wise

I say it can make you the head of a very large family!

He said it is best to lose a short fat girl than to even land her at all.

I say if all the people in Spain are all Jewish, why do they call their sons Saul?

I guess this is proper, mate, there's this number of eight

Sewing up her man's pajamas pants with twine, and he says waste not, want not.

Not a stitch of nine saves nine.

He don't come in here no more - All the sayings were a bore.

Nowadays, they don't stand up to inspection.

You can either fool some of the people all of the time,

Or you can fool all of the people some of the time.

Either way, it wiil give you an advantage on the next election!

I do agree never put off today what you can do tomorrow

To you, that may be dishonor.

Because if you do it today and like it, you can do it again tomorrow.

And of course, do into others and then run; that's practiced throut the land

Ladies are like pianos because when they're not upright they're grand.

And keep a stiff neck if a short skirt passes by

And people who live in glass houses shouldn't show bones....