recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
NASA & Podiatry

**NASA & Podiatry** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If Bigfoot wanted to leave a footprint on the moon to frighten astronauts, how long could he expect his trademark to remain on the lunar surface?

### Question Reading

"If Bigfoot wanted to leave a footprint on the moon to frighten astronauts, approximately how long could he expect his terrorizing trademark to remain on the lunar surface?"

### Choices

1. about half a second

2. a week

3. 200 years

4. 10 million years

### Choice Readings

"About a half a second, a week, 200 years, or 10 million years?"

### Choice Quotes

1. "No, half a second is the amount of time it take for me to say 'wrong'."

2. [through intercom] "Uh, mission control, uh, doesn't look like we've got the right answer here. Over."

3. sound clip

4. [through intercom, accompanied by a deflating noise] "That's... one small step for.. Bigfoot."

### Answer Quote

"And one giant footprint for ten million years."

### Alternate Answer Quote

"Ten. Million. Years. Not quite the Hollywood Walk of Fame, but not quite bad."
Sci-Fi "Gilligan's Island"

**Sci-Fi "Gilligan's Island"** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If Gilligan said that once the Minnow is repaired, he'd like to sail around the "islands of Langerhans," the Professor would tell him he'd have to be:

### Choices

1. on Mars

2. a character in "Gulliver's Travels"

3. microscopic

4. on Earth around three million B.C.

### Choices

1. "Tell ya, an answer like this really Mars your score." [rimshot]

2. sound clip

3. "Microscopic."

4. "Three million B.C.? Be seein' ya."

### Answer Quote

The Islands of Langerhans are in your pancreas.
Bigfoot Stole My Pancreas

**Bigfoot Stole My Pancreas** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Which of the following headlines could be attached to a factually correct tabloid story about Hamlet?

### Choices

1. "Dead Mother Delivers Baby"

2. "Exorcism at Castle Doesn't Work"

3. "Ghost of My Father Told Me to Kill"

4. "I'm Impregnated by an Alien"

### Choices

1. "Uh, wrong play."

2. Sound quote

3. "'Ghost of My Father Told Me to Kill'."

4. "You've never heard of Hamlet, have you?"

### Answer Quote

I'm sure that argument would hold up in court. Actually, it might hold up in court these days.

### Alternate Answer Quote

"'Ghost of My Father Told Me to Kill.' It's like the entire plot of the play, but don't worry about it."

## Similar

* Shakespeare & the Tabloids
* Those Wacky Royals
Sardines & the Royal Family

**Sardines & the Royal Family** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

2. The Duke of Dolphin

3. The Dolphin of Wales

4. The Count de Dolphin

2. "'The Duke of Dolphin'? Uh-I think I had my picture taken with that guy at SeaWorld."

3. "Wrong side of the Channel, Shamu."

4. "'Count de Dolphin'? Okay. 1... 2... 3."

### Answer Quote

"I'm sure you picked this one on porpoise."

### Alternate Answer Quote

"The Dolphin Dauphin. A Dauphin is what the French call a king's oldest son."
Is This Supposed to Be Dangling?

**Is This Supposed to Be Dangling?** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

2. Bleeding profusely, we re-attached Ed's arm.

3. By slapping his rat, Ed makes a funny noise.

4. Spraying everywhere, Ed turned off the hose.

2. sound clip

3. "The introductory phrase correctly modifies the noun following it. It ain't danglin'."

4. "If Ed's sprayin' everywhere, maybe he should get his hose checked."

### Answer Quote

"Hit it Ed!" [slapping, rat squeaking, laughing] "thank you Ed.

### Alternate Answer Quote

"By slapping his rat, Ed makes a funny noise. The introductory phrase correctly modifies the noun following it."
Short Things in Love

**Short Things in Love** is a personal ad question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

SOrangeM ISO SF. ME: approx. 4'8" chocolate-loving foreigner. Work and live in candy factory. YOU: Not a brat, TV lover, fatso or gum chewer. Interests include glass elevators and Gobstoppers.

### Choices

1. the head of the Lollipop Guild

2. the Grinch®

3. Rumpelstiltskin

4. an Oompa Loompa

### Choice Readings

"Who might of written this? The head of the Lollipop Guild, the Grinch®, Rumpelstiltskin, or an Oompa Loompa?"

### Choice Quotes

1. "We represent, the Wrong Answer guild!"

2. sound clip

3. "Rumple-wrong-skin."

4. [into microphone] "🎶HO-WHOAHOWHOA, OOMPA, LOOMPA, DOOMPITY DITE, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT THE QUESTION RIGHT🎶"

### Answer Quote

"And that of course, was the lounge version of the popular song from the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory soundtrack."

### Alternate Answer Quote

"An Oompa Loompa. Don't you remember Willy Wonka's chocolate factory had all those orange little indentured servants runnin' around?"
Maybe It IS the Size That Counts

**Maybe It IS the Size That Counts** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If the following mammals were comparing average erect penis length, which one would come up short, if you will?

### Choices

1. gorilla

2. elephant

3. man

4. rhinoceros

### Choices reading

"The gorilla, the elephant, man, or rhinoceros?"

### Choice Quotes

1. "The gorilla is two inches long!"

2. "Five to six. Feet. Long. All I can say is, wow."

3. "Six inches. I always knew I was above average.

4. "He's two feet long and by the way, he's very horny.
Psychologists & New Math

**Psychologists & New Math** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

2. 2 + 2 = 0

3. 2 + 2 = 2

4. 2 + 2 = -4

2. "2 plus 2 equals nothing? What are you reading, Cert?"

3. sound clip

4. "But I'll tell you what a psychologist would say to that answer: You got one crappy outlook on life."

### Answer Quote

"Why? Cause Gestalt theory teaches that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts."
Ho, Ho, Who the Hell Are You?

**Ho, Ho, Who the Hell Are You?** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

According to Pennsylvania Dutch tradition, if it's New Year's Eve and you come downstairs to find a fat man leaving cookies on a plate, don't bludgeon him with an iron poker because he is:

### Choices

1. Santa's brother, "Bells"

2. Santa Claus, giving back cookies he disliked

3. Grindledorf the Pastry Elf

4. Father Time

### Choice Quotes

1. "It's Saint Nick's bro, Bells."

2. sound clip

3. "Uh, no. And if there's someone in your house on New Year's Eve named [stifled laugh] Grindledorf [laugh stops] the Elf, shoot him."

4. sound clip

### Answer Quote

"He's a little slow, but he's got a heart of gold so Santa gave him the gig to keep him outta trouble."
Every Girl's Dream

**Every Girl's Dream** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

2. She turns into Barbie®.

3. Gilligan kisses the Professor.

4. Her breasts grow, and her waist shrinks.

2. "Hmm, a Transformer Barbie. Someone, get Mattel on the phone."

3. "Wrong 'Skipper,' little buddy."

4. "Her breasts grow, and her waist shrinks."

### Answer Quote

"But we got lots of reports of dislocated shoulders across the country so kids, don't try this at home."
Psychoanalysis & Your Private Parts

**Psychoanalysis & Your Private Parts** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If after your first masturbation experience you confessed feelings of guilt, which element of your personality would Freud say is overdeveloped?

### Question Reading

"If after your first masturbation experience, and—I-I'm not sayin' that you do that; although you probably do, you confessed feelings of guilt, which element of your personality would Freud say is overdeveloped?"

### Choices

1. Superego

2. Oedipus Complex

3. Anal Retentiveness

4. Id

### Choice Readings

"Your superego, Oedipus Complex, Anal Retentiveness, or Id?"

### Choice Quotes

1. "The Superego."

2. "Oedipus Complex? The first time you did it, you were thinkin' about your mom?"

3. "Anal Retentiveness? No, that'd only be the case if you spent 45 minutes cleaning up after yourself."

4. "Your Id. No, that's the part of your personality that got you into this situation in the first place."

### Answer Quote

"Commonly known as the conscience. Good job. You handled yourself well."

### Alternate Answer Quote

"Your Superego. Commonly known as your conscience. Funny though, that part seems to be totally inactive while you're doing it."
James Bondage

**James Bondage** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"Bond. James Bond. God, was that guy a stud."

### Question

Which one of the following is NOT a real "Bond Girl"?

### Choices

1. Lotta Booty

2. Kissy Suzuki

3. Holly Goodhead

4. Chu Me

### Choice Quotes

1. "Lotta Booty."

2. "I think this Suzuki's got more throttle than you can handle."

3. "Or, Dr. Goodhead. If you're nasty."

4. [offmic] "Chu Me? a Chu you!"

### Answer Quote

"Yeah, that's a name our writers made up."
Better Living Through Chemicals

**Better Living Through Chemicals** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

2. at the beach

3. in your body

4. in a picnic basket

2. "Uhhhhhhhh, think you've been out in the sun too long."

3. "Wow. Apparently *some* people will put anything in their body."

4. "Uh, me? I prefer food in my picnic basket but hey, whatever turns you on."

### Answer Quote

"Ammonium lauryl sulfate is a common ingredient in most shampoos. Hey, check it out next Sunday. Y'know, when you bathe."

### Alternate Answer Quote

"In the shower. It's found in most shampoos. You know, you'd know if you tried bathin' once in a while."
Cartoon Geeks & Military Service

**Cartoon Geeks & Military Service** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"Here's the scenario: It's the Vietnam War. Elmer Fudd is a U.S. Army Private stationed in Da Nang. His job is to fight off the Viet Cong and protect the freedom of the South Vietnamese, but something goes terribly wrong."

### Question

An annoying rabbit makes Elmer Fudd®'s life a living hell. Elmer loses his mind and goes on a single-rabbit search-and-destroy mission. Most likely, how will the Army deal with this problem?

### Question Reading

"An annoying rabbit makes Elmer Fudd®'s life a living hell. Elmer loses his mind and goes on a single-rabbit search-and-destroy mission. Now tell me, how ya think the Army will deal with this problem?"

### Choices

1. They'll put Fudd on the Disabled List.

2. They'll give Fudd a Section Eight.

3. They'll recommend Fudd for Chapter 11.

4. They'll court-martial Fudd for animal abuse.

### Choice Quotes

1. "Uh excuse me, I'm talkin' about the U.S. Army, not the National Football League."

2. "They'll give Fudd a Section Eight."

3. "Oh, I-I didn't realize Fudd was filing for bankruptcy."

4. "What the Fudd are you talkin' about?"

### Answer Quote

"That means he'll get the old heave-ho cause he's psychologically unfit."

### Correct Answer Reveal Quote

"Get this cartoon character outta here cause he's freakin' out."

## Similar

* Warner Brothers® & Military Combat
* Cartoon Cats & Sexual Orientation
Annoying Skinny Guys

**Annoying Skinny Guys** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Suppose Urkel is your typical 98-pound weakling. How much would he weigh in England?

### Choices

1. 2 stone

2. 5 stone

3. 7 stone

4. 11 meters

### Choice Quotes

1. "Perhaps you're too stoned to play this round."

2. sound clip

3. "\_"

4. "11 meters is how far away you are from the right answer."
I Am Not a Crook!

**I Am Not a Crook!** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

2. Sans Clemency

3. San Clemente

4. San Itarium

### Choice Quotes

1. "If you're known as 'Tricky Dick,' the last place you wanna be is a maximum security prison."

2. "'Sans Clemency'? I think we gave him quite a pit of clemency."

3. "San Clemente."

4. "You ever been to San Itarium? It has great accomodations, all the rooms are padded."

### Answer Quote

"Clean air, sandy beaches, and surprisingly lax wiretapping laws to boot."
Confusion & the Captain's Log

**Confusion & the Captain's Log** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"OK, now let's say Captain Kirk asks Mr. Spock to look something up on the ship's 'Decalogue'."

### Question

Mr. Spock respectfully declines and explains that the Decalogue is:

### Choices

1. a 10-digit prime number

2. his own, personal diary

3. the Ten Commandments

4. a 20th-century weapon

### Choice Quotes

1. [dialing on phone] "You just dialed a 10-digit wrong number."

2. "I am sure he has no desire to show Kirk his uh, private log."

3. "Another name for the 10 commandments."

4. sound clip
Makes Your Mouth Water

**Makes Your Mouth Water** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

At which party should you feel least comfortable if someone announced, "I'm hungry"?

### Choices

1. the Republican Party

2. the Toga Party

3. the Donner party

4. the Tory Party

### Choice Quotes

1. "No but, y'know I'm not sure I'd want to eat around some of those older senators cause some of those guys don't even have any teeth."

2. sound clip

3. "\_"

4. "No, that's what happens late night on the set of 90210."

### Answer Quote

"The Donner Party. They tried to make the trek out west in 1846, got stuck in the snow, and uh, ate each other." [burping]
Canine Math

**Canine Math** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Imagine Astro, Scooby Doo® and Lassie® each have five dog biscuits. Rin-Tin-Tin® and Scrappy® have four each. Pluto® and Odie have three each. What is the "mode" of dog biscuits?

### Choices

1. 4

2. a little more than 4

3. 5

4. 29

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. sound clip

3. "5 is right. As you learned in grade school, the mode average is the number that appears most often."

4. "Eh, sorry. No Scooby Snacks for you until you finish grade school."

### Answer Quote

"So now I guess you think you're goin' to MIT or somethin'."

### Correct Answer Reveal Quote

"I guess you don't know what the mode average is cause if you did, you'd know the answer is 5."

### Alternate Answer Quote

NATE: See, if you went to grade school you'd know the mode average is a number that appears most often.

AUDIENCE: Duh!
Pornography & Ornithology 2

```
For the similarly named question also from YOU DON'T KNOW JACK, see Pornography & Ornithology 1.

```

**Pornography & Ornithology** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Choices

1. bald-headed hermit

2. bushtit

3. cockateel

4. booby

### Choice Quotes

1. "The bald-headed hermit is not a bird."

2. "Ooh. I just got the most vivid picture of our 41st president's wife."

3. "Cockateel, cockapurple, how about just plain cocka?"

4. "Nope, it's a bird. And strangely enough, they usually travel in pairs."

### Answer Quote

"Though, like the pigeon, they're often found sitting on the stoop in front of my building."
Do They Really Put Vaseline® on Their Teeth?

**Do They Really Put Vaseline® on Their Teeth?** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If there were a Miss USA Fruit Contest, who would win Miss Popularity?

### Choices

1. Miss Orange

2. Miss Apple

3. Miss Cucumber

4. Miss Watermelon

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. [spoken through microphone] "And now, our next Miss USA Fruit is..." [tearing envelope]

3. "That's Mr. Cucumber to you, and no, you're wrong."

4. "She may not be the most popular, but she's pretty damn big, I wouldn't mess with her."

### Answer Quote

[spoken through microphone] "Miss Apple! The most popular fruit in America!"

### Correct Answer Reveal Quote

[spoken through microphone] "And now, our next Miss USA Fruit is..." [tearing envelope]

### Alternate Answer Quote

[spoken through microphone] "Miss Apple! The most popular fruit in America!"
"Blossom" & Biochemistry

**Blossom" & Biochemistry** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

On a very special "Blossom," Joey accidentally ingests 1000 mg. of ascorbic acid. The result would most likely be:

### Choices

1. convulsions

2. numbness in his extremities

3. slow, painful death

4. increased immunity to colds

### Choice Quotes

1. "No, that's what happens to biochemists who accidentally watch Blossom."

2. sound quote

3. "I know you probably wanted this to be the right answer."

4. "increased immunity."

### Answer Quote

"Thank god it was only Vitamin C. Joey'll be fine."
Amateur Sleuths in TV & Literature

**Amateur Sleuths in TV & Literature** is a Whatshisname question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"Now, I am tryin'- I c- I cannot remember the names of these guys."

### Question

They were brothers that solved mysteries, the main characters in a bunch of books, and there was a TV show starring the brother of that guy on "The Partridge Family®." Who were they?

### Question Reading

"You know, they were brothers that solved mysteries, they were the main characters in a bunch of books, and then there was that TV show starring the brother of that guy on 'The Partridge Family®.' Who were they?"

### Choices

1. Bobbsey Twins

2. Drew Brothers

3. Hardy Boys

4. Holmes & Watson

### Choice Readings

"Were-was it the Bobbsey Twins, Drew Brothers, the Hardy Boys, or Holmes & Watson?"

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. sound clip

3. "Their names were Frank and Joe."

4. "Elementary school, my dear contestant."

### Answer Quote

"Course, the real mystery was why neither of 'em could land a date with Nancy Drew."
Biology & Television

**Biology & Television** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Which TV character could never have had a spin-off starring his or her own offspring?

### Choices

1. Mr. Ed

2. Tiger, the Bradys' Dog

3. Francis, The Talking Mule

4. Flipper

### Choice Quotes

1. "No, horses can reproduce just fine. And you never know, I mean, Mr. Ed and Wilbur, those guys were very fond of each other."

2. "What? Tiger couldn't sire offspring? Do you remember that episode where Tiger, and the neighbor's dog, ehhh get busy?"

3. "Francis."

4. sound clip

### Answer Quote

"Mules, a hybrid between a donkey and a horse are, fortunately for all of us television viewers, always sterile."
Maybe You Should Have That Looked At

**Maybe You Should Have That Looked At** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If you walked into a phrenologist's office, which of the following would you be expected to remove?

### Choices

1. your shirt

2. your pants

3. your shoes

4. your hat

### Choice Quotes

1. "You take off your shirt, huh? I guess you know your phrenologist pretty well."

2. "Well you could take your pants off, but there'd probably be a lawsuit."

3. sound clip

4. "Your hat."

### Answer Quote

"Phrenologists feel the bumps on your head. You know, like the big one that sits between your shoulders."
A Visit to Grampa's

**A Visit to Grampa's** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

When Grampa isn't showing you his scar from the war against Germany, he's showing you his scars from the German measles. What's another name for German measles?

### Choices

1. "Hitler hives"

2. rubella

3. impetigo

4. der Pimplischtuppen

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. sound clip

3. "No, it's a-bacterial infection where your skin erupts with pustules and thick yellow crusts, but uh, doesn't impetigo kinda sound like a... kid's board game?"

4. "You schtupped the pimple? Ach der lieber! (oh dear!)"

### Answer Quote

"Rubella. Hey, isn't that also the guy, uh... who dresses up like a woman and sings disco songs?"
Beer & Pantheism

**Beer & Pantheism** is a question from *YOU DON’T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Judging by their job descriptions, which mythical figure would probably drink the most at a Mt. Olympus kegger?

### Choices

1. Eros

2. Pegasus

3. Dionysus

4. Hera

### Choice Quotes

1. "Eros? You mean Cupid, that little wuss? He was probably ridin' the porcelain chariot before midnight.

2. "Unless Pegasus was a winged Clydesdale, uh, there's no evidence he was crazy about beer."

3. "Dionysus."

4. sound clip

### Answer Quote

“The god of merriment and wine."

"Dionysus, you're sloppy drunk. I'm not gonna let you chariot home, now just hand me the reigns, man."
French Dictators & Swedish Pop Groups

**French Dictators & Swedish Pop Groups** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Which "Abba®" song might you expect to be about Napoleon?

### Question Reading

"Alright, which "Abba®" song might you expect to be about Napoleon?"

### Choices

1. "Take a Chance on Me"

2. "Waterloo"

3. "Dancing Queen"

4. "Mama Mia"

### Choice Quotes

1. "You took a chance, and ya blew it."

2. "Waterloo, that nice little vacation spot where Napoleon got his butt kicked."

3. "So maybe he liked to try on Joséphine's gowns every once in a while, take it easy."

4. sound clip

### Answer Quote

"And coincidentally, I think Napoleon's middle name was Björn. Go figure."
Man's Best Food

**Man's Best Food** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Judging by American Kennel Club registrations, if the most popular dish were made from the most popular dog, which of the following dishes would be on every restaurant's menu?

### Question Reading

"Judging by the American Kennel Club registrations, if the most popular dish were made from the most popular dog, which of the following dishes would be on every restaurant's menu?"

### Choices

1. boxer chocolates

2. Eskimo dog pie

3. crispy Labrador retriever fries

4. baked Alaskan malamute

### Choice Quotes

1. "Life is like a boxer chocolates. You never know what you're gonna- [dog barking angrily, screaming]"

2. "No, but have you tried the Eskimo cow pie? Some people think it tastes like crap but, uh- I like it."

3. "crispy Labrador retriever fries."

4. "Uhhh, no thank you I th- I think I'll have the veal."

### Answer Quote

"A great side-order to one of those wiener dogs."
Pornography & Ornithology 1

```
For the similarly named question also from YOU DON'T KNOW JACK, see Pornography & Ornithology 2.

```

*Pornography & Ornithology* is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Choices

1. booby

2. dickcissel

3. titmouse

4. corksocker

### Choice Quotes

1. "The booby. Strangely enough, they nest in discarded brassieres."

2. "Dickcissel. I had one of those back in college, but my doctor gave me an ointment for it."

3. "The titmouse. No,, it's a bird. I know, it sounds like a cartoon co-starring Boobycat."

4. "The corksocker."

### Answer Quote

"You should see these guys guzzle down worms.
Predators & Pro Football

**Predators & Pro Football** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If the Detroit Lions® and Philadelphia Eagles® united, the most logical new team name might be what?

### Choices

1. The Legals

2. The Chimeras

3. The Unicorns

4. The Griffins

### Choice Quotes

1. "Let me ask you a question. Would you root for a team called 'the Legals?' Bunch of attorneys out there on the field? C'mon."

2. "Nah, sorry. Chimeras would only be a good name if teams with lions, goats and snakes merged.

3. sound clip

4. "The Philatroit Griffins."

### Answer Quote

"Griffins are those mythological creatures that are half lion and half eagle."
It's Funny 'til Someone Loses an Eye

**It's Funny 'til Someone Loses an Eye** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Oog the Caveman wants to go horseback riding, but all he has is a pre-historic "dawn horse." If he wants to ride a modern horse, he will have to wait until it evolves into what?

### Question Reading

"Oog the Caveman wants to go horseback riding, but all he's got is a pre-historic 'dawn horse.' If he wants to ride a modern horse, he'll have to wait until it evolves into what?"

### Choices

1. Equus

2. Horsiesaurus Rex

3. Eohippus

4. Paleohippus

### Choice Quotes

1. "Equus. The genus of the modern horse."

2. "Horsiesaurus Rex? Now c'mon, you're just checkin' to see what I'm gonna say."

3. [donkey braying]

4. "Uhh, Paleo-wrongus."
Double Geography

**Double Geography** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

2. international datelines

3. equators

4. prime meridians

2. "The International Date Line. Yeah, I called that once, but it was like, 15 bucks a minute and all there were was just a bunch of 18 year old guys on the line."

3. "Yeah, you can equate this answer with wrongness."

4. sound clip

### Answer Quote

"That's right, there's the geographic pole it's the top of the earth and the magnetic pole, that's what directs your compass."
Doggy Style

**Doggy Style** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

2. Shih Tzu

3. Lhasa apso

4. Mud Puppy

2. [sneezing] ???: Shih Tzu!

NATE: Gesundheit. That's right, a dog that sounds like a sneeze.

3. "Lhasa apso. Now,, I know what you're thinkin': 'Wasn't that one of the singers in ABBA?' but no, it's a dog."

4. "Mud Puppies."

### Answer Quote

"They're salamanders. And I don't think they make leashes that small."
Inexperienced Land Masses

**Inexperienced Land Masses** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"Now you might know that Virgin Marys have no alcohol and virgin wool is unprocessed."

### Choices

1. They're ugly.

2. They were named for the state of Virginia.

3. They were named for Queen Virginia

4. They were named for Queen Elizabeth.

### Choice Quotes

1. "Yeah, look who's talkin'."

2. "So uh, tell me champ, how'd ya do on that 5th grade geography test?"

3. "Queen Virginia." [beat] "Nice guess."

4. "Queen Elizabeth, the virgin queen."
Ooh... Look at the Pretty Colors!

**Ooh... Look at the Pretty Colors!** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Which color do Chuckles® candy, Rubik's Cube® and Twister® have in common?

### Choices

1. orange

2. blue

3. white

4. green

### Choice Quotes

1. "Left foot, orange? I Don't think so."

2. "No blue Chuckles my friend."

3. "Just- What exactly would a white Chuckle taste like anyway?"

4. "Green is shared by all three."
Look, There's Uranus!

**Look, There's Uranus!** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

2. a dead planet

3. a hole in space that has no gravity

4. a collapsed star that emits only x-rays

### Choice Readings

"A term for all Disney® movies from the '70s, a dead planet, a hole in space that has no gravity, or a collapsed star that only emits x-rays?"

### Choice Quotes

1. "That could be argued, but no."

2. "You mean like the planet Wrongo?"

3. [echo] "Hello? Anybody there?"

4. "Collapsed star so dense, that only x-rays can escape their pull."
Fish Tales

**Fish Tales** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If Biblical character Jonah were going to write a book about his former living arrangements, which Disney® character might he choose to co-author it?

### Question Reading

"If Biblical character Jonah were gonna write a book about his former living arrangements, which Disney® character might he choose to co-author it?"

### Choices

1. Pinocchio®

2. the Tramp®

3. Dumbo®

4. Snow White®

### Choice Quotes

1. "Pinocchio."

2. "No, Jonah would only turn to Tramp if he were a little lonely."

3. sound clip

4. "Hmmm. I-I don't recall any dwarf references in the Bible, although there is that one Dopey passage in Leviticus."

### Answer Quote

"He also spent some time inside a whale."
Gumby® & Taxonomy

**Gumby® & Taxonomy** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Let's say you want to determine the scientific classification for Gumby®. Why would it be WRONG to place him in the genus "Homo" as in "Homo gumbiensis"?

### Question Reading

"Alright, let's say you want to figure out the scientific classification for Gumby®. Why would it be WRONG to place him in the genus 'Homo' as in 'Homo gumbiensis'?"

### Choices

1. Gumby® stands upright.

2. Gumby® is not a primate.

3. Gumby® is warm-blooded.

4. Gumby® is not a modern human.

### Choice Readings

"Cause Gumby® stands upright, Gumby® is not a primate, Gumby® is warm-blooded, or Gumby® is not a modern human?"

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. "No, the little green freak is not a primate."

3. "If Gumby® did have blood, you'd take a look at his skin. I think it'd be fair to conclude he has bad circulation."

4. sound clip

### Answer Quote

"Which means he's not a mammal, he doesn't have any hair, and he doesn't have any milk-producing mammary glands."
Blue Food

**Blue Food** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

FD&C Blue Dye Number One, which is used to make foods a shade of blue, used to be made from what?

### Choices

1. coal-tar extract

2. petroleum

3. big juicy prunes

4. bread mold

### Choice Quotes

1. "Mmm... Coal tar extract."

2. sound clip

3. "That answer is quite... eh, irregular."

4. "No, that's what they use to make food fuzzy."
Hey, What's That on Your Hand?

**Hey, What's That on Your Hand?** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If you had a "liverwort" on your hand, whom would you most likely call to remove it?

### Choices

1. a butcher

2. an internist

3. a botanist

4. a dermatologist

### Choice Quotes

1. "No! A butcher, that would be liver-wurst!"

2. sound clip

3. "A liverwort is a plant."

4. "God, sometimes it's so damn easy to trick you people."

### Answer Quote

"Now what it's doin' on your hand, I don't know."

### Alternate Answer Quote

"You call a botanist. A liverwort's a plant."
Alignment System

The alignment system in 2EDW is based on the Magic the Gathering color system as opposed to the D&D Good/Evil Chaos/Lawful system.

Characters have a prioritized list of Colors that describes their Philosophical Alignment.

This list of Colors can change from session to session based on changes to the character's personality.

When creating a character, choose 1 or 2 Colors in a prioritized list for the character's Alignment.

Basic Colors:

1. White
2. Blue
3. Black
4. Red
5. Green

Advanced Colors:

1. Colorless
2. Phyrexian

Industrial Age colors???:

1. Gold
2. Purple
3. Rust
4. Pink
5. Orange

When your character gets an increase in their Profiency Bonus, they are allowed to have additional Colors in their list, up to their PB.
Squeaky Clean Moments in History

**Squeaky Clean Moments in History** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

2. a notorious Hollywood wedding party in 1981

3. the birth of Jesus Christ

4. a legendary touchdown catch in the NFL®

### Choice Quotes

1. [sound of someone trying to imitate television static, poorly] "Looks like there's a little static on this channel."

2. sound clip

3. "No, you're thinking of the Immaculate Conception. And for what it's worth, that doesn't even refer to Jesus. Don't believe me? Look it up."

4. "A legendary touchdown catch in the National Football League."

### Answer Quote

"The Steelers and the Raiders in the '72 Playoffs. Man, I'm gettin' misty just thinkin' about it."
Love of Food

**Love of Food** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

"If you said, "I slowly, methodically stroked the meatloaf," you'd be using which of the following?"

### Choices

1. an independent clause

2. an interrogative phrase

3. a parenthetical phrase

4. a dependent clause

### Choice Quotes

1. "Independent clause."

2. "Only if you're questioning your sanity."

3. "Parenthetically speaking, you're wrong."

4. "A dependent clause? No, that's a big jolly guy in a red suit who has an unhealthy relationship with elves. Actually, that might be a codependent clause."

### Answer Quote

"It stands all by itself. The clause, not the meatloaf."
English Grammar & Dick's Love Life

**English Grammar & Dick's Love Life** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

According to standard grammatical rules, which of the following sentences uses the words "sit" or "set" CORRECTLY?

### Question Reading

"OK, according to standard grammatical rules, which of the following sentences uses the words 'sit' or 'set' INCORRECTLY?"

### Choices

1. Dick sat on Linda's lap.

2. Dick had set himself down on the couch.

3. Dick told Linda to set the veggie on the table.

4. Dick set up the harness for Linda.

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. "Actually, Dick had sat on the couch."

3. sound clip

4. "Hey, some of those buckles are pretty tricky."
Fashion Statement or Medical Necessity?

**Fashion Statement or Medical Necessity?** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

One of these folks' eyewear is not like the others'; which of these folks just doesn't belong?

### Choices

1. Speed Racer®

2. Mr. Peanut®

3. the Penguin

4. Colonel Klink

### Choice Quotes

1. "Speed Racer."

2. sound clip

3. sound clip

4. "Nein." [offmic] "DISMISSED!"

### Answer Quote

"Cause he's the only one that doesn't wear a monocle. I guess Trixie's just not into that look."
Squoosh & Squash

**Squoosh & Squash** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If you succeed in "potting everything with your squidger," what have you just done?

### Choices

1. artificially inseminated an octopus

2. played tiddlywinks

3. gardened with a Teflon® shovel

4. caused hair to grow on your palms

### Choice Quotes

1. "Artificially inseminated an octopus? No, but I bet you'd like to try that sometime, wouldn't ya?"

2. "Tiddlywinks."

3. "Teflon® shovel? I'm sorry, that answer just won't stick."

4. "Hey, how you spend your time when you're alone is your business."

### Answer Quote

"You squidged all your winks from the mat to the pot and you didn't even squap. Can't wait to run out and learn that game, huh?"
"Laverne & Shirley" Around the World

**"Laverne & Shirley" Around the World** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

TV's Laverne and Shirley refer in Yiddish to "schlemiel" and "schlimazel." In plain English, what are they saying?

### Choices

1. a sausage and a ham

2. a fool and a loser

3. a drunk and a nymphomaniac

4. a sister and a companion

### Choice Quotes

1. "Sorry, not kosher."

2. "A fool and a loser."

3. "Nah, you must be thinkin' of 'Melrose Place'."

4. "A sister and a companion, that's really sweet. And totally wrong."

### Answer Quote

"And Lenny & Squiggy? I wonder what's Yiddish for annoying greasers."
24 Hours of Culinary Delight

**24 Hours of Culinary Delight** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question Reading

"Which of the following is NOT a dish on Denny's® menu?"

### Choices

1. Scram Slam™

2. Senior Belgian Waffle Slam™

3. Moons over My Hammy™

4. Paj-Ham-A Party™

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. "Hey, wait until you're 65, you can be wolfin' that baby down."

3. "No, and if you're embarrassed about getting it wrong, try ordering it."

4. "Paj-Ham-A Party™. It's not a dish."
I Wonder If He Has a Pouch?

**I Wonder If He Has a Pouch?** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If there were a coup staged on the set of "Captain Kangaroo®," elevating Mr. Green Jeans one rank above the old captain, what would this new leader be called?

### Choices

1. First Lieutenant Green Jeans

2. Private Green Jeans

3. Major Green Jeans

4. Colonel Green Jeans

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. sound clip

3. "\_"

4. "THAT'S INSUBORDINATION, PEON! THAT'LL COST YOU 10 DAYS IN THE HOLE!"
Rocky Mountain Low

**Rocky Mountain Low** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

"Rocky Mountain Oysters" are not oysters at all. Colloquially speaking, what are they?

### Choices

1. pig puds

2. sheep shanks

3. bull balls

4. donkey dongs

### Choice Quotes

1. [pig oinking and squealing]

2. sound clip

3. "Bull balls."

4. [donkey braying]

### Answer Quote

"That's right: Bulls' testicles. A fine delicacy, and wouldn't you like to know what comes with that order."
Crimefighters & Aviation

**Crimefighters & Aviation** is an analogy question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"Okay, let's see you complete this analogy."

### Choices

1. Birdglider : Robin

2. President : Air Force One

3. Invisible Plane : Wonder Woman®

4. Aquaman® : boat

### Choice Quotes

1. "Holy wrong answer, Batman!"

2. "\_"

3. "Wonder Woman's preferred way to travel. By invisible jet."

4. "He's Aquaman. He doesn't need a boat. Hello?"
Hello, My Name Is... Hannibal.

**Hello, My Name Is... Hannibal.** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

2. Jeannie's master genie

3. the creepy guy in "Silence of the Lambs"

4. the colonel on the "A-Team"

2. "Jeannie's master genie whose name is: Haji."

3. "Hey, y-ya name your kid Hannibal, he's probably gonna end up eating people."

4. "I pity the fool who picks this answer!"

### Answer Quote

"I heard he used to really hit the bottle."
Canines & Songbirds

**Canines & Songbirds** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Where would you most commonly find both a "woofer" and a "tweeter"?

### Choices

1. in a pet store

2. between Earth and Mars

3. on the plains of Africa

4. in a loudspeaker

### Choice Quotes

1. "Uh... w-were you thinkin' of dogs and birds? W-what are you, like six?"

2. sound clip

3. sound clip

4. "In a loudspeaker."

### Answer Quote

"Okay, if you got this attached to a speaker put your ear by it right now."

[low pitch] "This is coming out of your woofer."

[high pitch] "And this is coming out of your tweeter!"
Candy & Ad Campaigns

**Candy & Ad Campaigns** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If Heath Bars® were really made of "heath," which of the following would make an appropriate ad slogan?

### Question Reading

"Now, if Heath Bars® were really made of "heath," which of the following would make an appropriate ad slogan?"

### Choices

1. "It'll light a fire in your mouth!"

2. "With the great taste of raw eggs!"

3. "Rock-solid nutrition!"

4. "Mmm... shrubby!"

### Choice Quotes

1. "I said a Heath Bar®, not a flint bar."

2. "Taste this."

3. "I think you've got a rock solid head."

4. "Mmm... shrubby!"
Boozin' & Fun with Carbon

**Boozin' & Fun with Carbon** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Say your dry martini isn't quite cold enough, so you decide to add some "solid carbon dioxide." What have you added?

### Question Reading

"Uh, let's say your dry martini isn't quite cold enough, so you decide to add a little 'solid carbon dioxide.' What have you added?"

### Choices

1. bicarbonate of soda

2. dry ice

3. nitro fuel

4. carbon 14

### Choice Quotes

1. [burp]

2. sound clip

3. [fart, explosion]

4. sound clip
A Great Place to Pitch a Tent!

**A Great Place to Pitch a Tent!** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

You are hiking through the woods and come across a dying man. Before he slips away, he gasps the word "gorp." What's he most likely trying to tell you?

### Question Reading

"Alright, imagine this: You are hiking through the woods and come across a dying man. But before he slips away, he gasps the word 'gorp.' What's he most likely trying to tell you?"

### Choices

1. the species of venomous snake that bit him

2. the type of toxic plant he chewed

3. the mythical forest troll that ambushed him

4. that someone poisoned his trail mix

### Choice Quotes

1. "Oh yes. The formidable Gorp snake."

2. "Chew on this."

3. sound clip

4. "It's the trail mix."

### Answer Quote

"'GORP' stands for 'Good Old Raisins and Peanuts'."
"Underdog" & Dead Languages

**"Underdog" & Dead Languages** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Underdog's enemy is Simon Barsinister. If his Latin surname reflected something about him personally, what would it be?

### Choices

1. He owns a farm.

2. He loves eggs.

3. He's left-handed.

4. His father was a Catholic priest.

### Choice Quotes

1. "Ever hear that expression 'buy the farm'? Allow me to illustrate."

2. "Guess you love goose eggs."

3. "You deserve a hand."

4. "That's quite a trick seein' as priests are supposed to be celibate."

### Answer Quote

"Most things left were considered bad luck in the old days. Hence the modern meaning of 'Sinister'."

### Alternate Answer Quote

"He's left handed. Most things left were considered bad luck in those days. Hence the modern meaning of 'Sinister'."
I'd Pay to See That!

**I'd Pay to See That!** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

A yacht full of corporate lawyers is attacked by a ravenous sea monster at the vessel's "stern." The first lawyers to be eaten will be:

### Choices

1. on the yacht's left side

2. on the yacht's right side

3. at the front of the yacht

4. at the back of the yacht

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. "Right! Is wrong."

3. sound clip

4. "The stern is the back of the yacht."
Drugs & Dwarfs

**Drugs & Dwarfs** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Which one of the Seven Dwarfs® might have benefited most from a prescription for Prozac®?

### Choices

1. Happy®

2. Sleepy®

3. Sleepy®

4. Grumpy®

### Choice Quotes

1. "Happy? He's already taken some. What, I don't know."

2. sound clip

3. "Think this one's right? No? It's snot."

4. "Grumpy."

### Answer Quote

"Hey, a steady dosage of Prozac and Snow White might end up with both a Happy and a *really* happy."

### Alternate Answer Quote

"Grumpy. Little guy could use a little zip."
Back in My Day We Had to Wade Through the Net

**Back in My Day We Had to Wade Through the Net** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

While surfing the net, you come across a chat room for "serfs." Whom should you expect to be in the chat room?

### Question Reading

"While surfing the net, you come across a chat room for 'serfs.' Whom would you expect to be in that chat room?"

### Choices

1. Renaissance nobles

2. medieval peasants

3. biblical scholars

4. Roman statesmen

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. "Serf's up, dude."

3. sound clip

4. sound clip

### Answer Quote

"Course, the problem with chatting with medieval peasants is most of them still got those slow .0021 bought modems that came out 800 years ago."

### Correct Answer Reveal Quote

"Actually medieval peasants were also known as serfs."

### Alternate Answer Quote

"Course, the problem with chatting with medieval peasants is most of them still got those slow .0021 bought modems that came out 800 years ago."
Desperate Measures

**Desperate Measures** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

2. paper towels

3. Chinese paper

4. human muscle tissue

2. "Paper towels."

3. "Paper condoms, were used by the Chinese over 2000 years ago. Which might explain the population problem."

4. "Human muscle tissue was used by, the Romans. And those guys knew how to party."

### Answer Quote

"Though they are said to be the quicker picker upper."
Love Is Everywhere, & It Doesn't Wash Out Easily

**Love Is Everywhere, & It Doesn't Wash Out Easily** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"If your lover said to you, 'Hey, you're romantic.', you'd probably feel pretty good about yourself."

### Question

What if you were told you were "uromantic." What would your lover be saying then?

### Question Reading

"But what if you were told you were 'uromantic?' What would your lover be saying then?"

### Choices

1. You can diagnose diseases by examining urine.

2. You derive sexual excitement from urinating.

3. You really focus on bladder control.

4. You smell of urine.

### Choice Quotes

1. "You're a diagnostician of pee."

2. sound clip

3. "What? I-" [water flowing, Nate scoffing] "Not again."

4. "Urine? You're out."
If You Think That's Big, You Should See the Whale

**If You Think That's Big, You Should See the Whale** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If "Moby Dick" were a country and western song, what would it most appropriately be called?

### Choices

1. "If You Want My Moby, Come Over Tonight"

2. "I Lost My Leg, but I Ain't Done with You Yet"

3. "I'm on a Ship, but Ya Sailed with My Heart"

4. "I Got Too Many Fish to Fry to Catch You"

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. sound clip

3. sound clip

4. sound clip

### Answer Quote

"That's right, Ahab lost a leg at his initial encounter with the white whale and now, **it's payback time.**"
Did You Warsh Your Hands?

**Did You Warsh Your Hands?** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

2. memento

3. foliage

4. larynx

### Choice Readings

"nuclear (pronounced as new-cue-lar), memento, foliage (pronounced as foil-age), or larynx (pronounced as lair-nicks)?"

"One more time, nuclear (pronounced as new-cue-lar), memento, foliage (pronounced as foil-age), or larynx (pronounced as lair-nicks)?"

### Choice Quotes

1. "New-cue-lar? It's nu-cle-ar. I'm guessin' you have more fingers than teeth."

2. "Memento."

3. "It's not foil-age, it's fol-i-age. Thought you'd do ecspecially well on this one, I guess I was wrong.

4. "Lair-nicks? It's lar-ynx. Who taught you how to speak, Sasquatch?

### Answer Quote

"And no, it's not that little red thing in cocktail olives."
Royalty & Spreads for Breads

**Royalty & Spreads for Breads** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

2. the rock group Queen

3. queen bee larvae

4. Queen of Hearts from "Alice in Wonderland"

2. "Another one bites the dust."

3. "Way to bee."

4. "No! Off with your head!"

### Answer Quote

"Royal jelly's the stuff that makes little queen bee larva grow up to be big queen bees."

### Alternate Answer Quote

"Royal jelly. It's the stuff that makes little queen bee larva grow up to be big queen bee larva."
Jughead & Economic Theory

**Jughead & Economic Theory** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"Alright, listen carefully: Archie's dad gets a raise. He in turn raises Archie's allowance, so Archie can then give Jughead some money to buy a cheeseburger."

### Question

This is an example of what theory of economics?

### Choices

1. cash nexus

2. Socialism

3. supply side

4. trickle down

### Choice Quotes

1. "Are you kidding? Never pay cash for a Nexus! Always lease with APR financing."

2. "It's a little known fact that Karl Marx dated Veronica after she dumped Reggie."

3. sound clip

4. sound clip

### Answer Quote

"Trickle down. Which reminds me, somebody get my urologist on the phone."
Gods & Household Chores

**Gods & Household Chores** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"Alright, listen up. It's Thursday in Asgard and the Norse deities are arguing over whose turn it is to wash the dishes."

### Question

Odin suggests that whomever the day Thursday is named after must do the dishes. Who gets stuck doing the dishes?

### Question Reading

"Odin suggests that whomever the day Thursday is named after must do the dishes. Who gets stuck doing 'em?"

### Choices

1. Freya

2. Thor

3. Loki

4. Balder

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. "The god of thunder ain't too happy."

3. "You ain't so Loki today are ya?"

4. "Balder? A little balder, but women still dig me."

### Alternate Answer Quote

"Thor. Thursday is literally Thor's day."
Derision & Breakfast Cereals

**Derision & Breakfast Cereals** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Judging by the way disapproval is expressed in Argentinean culture, what might the Argentinean version of Boo Berry® cereal be called?

### Question Reading

"Now, judging by the way disapproval is expressed in Argentinean culture, what might the Argentinean version of Boo Berry® cereal be called?"

### Choices

1. FLAIL Berry

2. WAVE Berry

3. WHISTLE Berry

4. CLAP Berry

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. "No, but waving a certain way could get ya in trouble in Greece."

3. "In Argentina, people often whistle instead of booing."

4. "No. Clap Berry is that cereal with little chunks of penicillin in it."

### Alternate Answer Quote

"WHISTLE Berry. In Argentina, people often whistle instead of booing. Nutty foreigners."
"Hazel" & Magic Wood

**"Hazel" & Magic Wood** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If TV's wacky maid Hazel actually had the powers attributed to hazelwood, what talent would she have?

### Choices

1. ability to live forever

2. ability to find water underground

3. ability to resist fire

4. ability to hit a golf ball 500 yards

### Choice Readings

"The ability to live forever, the ability to find water underground, the ability to resist fire, or the ability to hit a golf ball 500 yards?"

### Choice Quotes

1. "\_"

2. "The ability to find H2O."

3. "Yeah, how about the ability to lose points?"

4. "500 yards on this hole, looks like he's gonna use his hazelwood driver." [swoosh] "Looking good. Ooooooooooooh.. slice."

### Answer Quote

"Yeah, divining rods were supposedly made out of hazelwood. Course, now, the newer models are made out of fiberglass."