recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
McDonald's

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**McDonald's** is an American fast food company, founded in 1940 as a restaurant operated by Richard and Maurice McDonald, in San Bernardino, California, United States They rechristened their business as a hamburger stand, and later turned the company into a franchise, with the Golden Arches logo being introduced in 1953 at a location in Phoenix, Arizona. In 1955, Ray Kroc, a businessman, joined the company as a franchise agent ad proceeded to purchase the chain from the McDonald brothers. McDonald's had its original headquarters in Oak Brook, Illinois, but moved its global headquarters to Chicago in early 2018.

McDonald's is the world's largest restaurant chain by revenue, serving over 69 million customers daily in over 100 countries across approximately 36,900 outlets as of 2016. Although McDonald's is best known for its hamburgers, cheeseburgers and French fries, they also feature chicken products, breakfast items, soft drinks, milkshakes, wraps, and desserts. In response to changing consumer tastes and a negative backlash because of the unhealthiness of their food, the company has added to its menu salads, fish, smoothies, and fruit. The McDonald's Corporation revenues come from the rent, royalties, and fees paid by the franchisees, as well as sales in company-operated restaurants. According to a BBC report published in 2012, McDonald's is the world's second-largest private employer (behind Walmart) with 1.9 million employees, 1.5 million of whom work for franchises.

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The Wacky Adventures Of Ronald McDonald Wiki

*Welcome to The Wacky Adventures Of Ronald McDonald Wiki, the community encyclopedia about The Wacky Adventures Of Ronald McDonald that you can edit! We are dedicated to presenting the most accurate information.***Warning:** *This wiki contains many plot details about the series. Please take care about what you read! This wiki is dedicated to The Wacky Adventure Of Ronald McDonald.*

*The Main Characters*
Birdie

They don't call Birdie "The Early Bird" for nothing... She is always the first one up in the morning, ready to enjoy a hearty McDonalds breakfast or to join Ronald and his pals on an amazing adventure! Birdie is somewhat of a blabber-mouth, but she does learn to keep her beak closed in the upcoming "Legend of McDonaldland Loch" when she meets a friendly sea-monster who wants his discovery kept secret. Birdie is always happy and ready to sing a song, and that's why she is always welcome in the McDonaldland gang!
Rich Tea breakfast

A **Rich Tea breakfast** is a type of breakfast that was popularised by Barbra McCauliffe that involves two Rich Tea biscuits. McCauliffe usually has it before work to 'take the edge off'. Why she can't have something normal like toast or cereal is unknown.

## Recipe

To prepare a Rich Tea biscuit, you need to:

* Take two Rich Tea biscuits
* Place them on a plate
* Eat them (not the plate)
Anthony

**Anthony** (surname currently unknown) is Edgar Spears and Barbra McCauliffe's personal assistant and is in charge of administration at Boot HQ. Anthony is in charge of calling characters and freelance/minor characters to see if they are available to appear in the up-and-coming new sketch, or to replay old ones. Sometimes, Anthony discovers that previous characters have gone missing (known to us as Forgotten Boot) where their contracts with us have expired. Anthony can be contacted on his pager, which he always has at hand.
Old Lady at the Train Station

The **Old Lady at the Train Station** was an elderly lady whom Nicholas and Jones encountered outside Peterborough train station.

Nicholas and Jones were getting a left from Nicholas's mother to Peterborough train station, ready to board a train to (I presume) London. Her mum pulled up directly outside the bit of road near the station's entrance and Nicholas and Jones quickly got out and her mum was gone within a few seconds. As they made their way to the front doors, an old lady stopped Nicholas and said something inaudible. Nicholas placed her arm out and leaned closer to the lady, asking, 'sorry?'. The lady replied 'you're not allowed to park there'. After a small pause, Nicholas simply said '...ok'.

The lady then walked off, and, after exchanging expressions of confusion, Jones and Nicholas made their way to their train.
Barbra McCauliffe's Lion King Moment

**McCauliffe's *Lion King* Moment** took place at Barbra McCauliffe's home when she was with Edgar Spears and her boyfriend at the time Aiden.

McCauliffe was playing the *Lion King* soundtrack and the piece that plays when Simba emerges victorious from his brawl with Scar and walks slowly up Pride Rock. As the music began to swell, McCauliffe stood up so she could experience an 'epic moment'. Aiden tried to talk to her, but Spears quickly placed his hand in front of him and said 'no, let her have her moment'.
Tesco Hampton

**Tesco Hampton** (Known officially as Serpentine Green, or simply *Tescos*)is a shopping centre/ hypermarket located in Hampton, Peterborough.Though featuring the likes of Game, Boots and even an M&S Food store, the largest and most prominent store within the centre is Tesco, which is likely to be why it is more often just called Tescos than Serpentine Green. Nicholas and Jone's frequently travel to on a Thursday evening now for some weird reason. This perhaps odd occurance is called 'going *Al Tesco**'.*
Chicken Run 2 Premiere

The ***Chicken Run 2* Premiere** is an upcoming event celebrating the release of the long-awaited sequel to *Chicken Run*. In 2019, Spears and McCauliffe will be participating in this event; celebrating it by dressing up as Nick and Fletcher, the beloved cockney rats from the movie, played by the vocal talents of Timothy Spall and Phil Daniels.
Mumbai

Huts in Mumbai

**Mumbai** (Mumbian: *IMumbai*)is a country in East Africa and is one of the least populated countries in the world. Its capital city is also its only city, which is a small village.

Mumbai's history is one of the least known in the world. However, it is known to the world for its extreme poverty and short life expectancy.

## History

### **Location**

Mumbai is located somewhere in East Africa. However, it is concealed from outsiders in a similar vain to Wakanda in the world of Marvel Comics. Whereas Wakanda is hidden by advanced cloaking technology, Mumbai is just bordered by a few trees. It makes sense that Wakanda would wish to hide itself from the rest of the world, but why Mumbai thought anyone would want to invade is a mystery.

### **Western intervention**

Mumbai has received visitors from the West on two occasions, both of whom were Barbra McCauliffe and Edgar Spears who went there to make, on reflection, two probably highly offensive videos.

Their goal was to raise money for the inhabitants of the Mumbian slums. However, young villager Tami died during filming.

## Culture

### **Dance and music**

The dance Maht’ owe mobaba(Mumbian: *Death of the Swan*) is said to have originated from here. This dance was once performed by McCauliffe and Spears, and then later by a random chav whom McCauliffe and Spears feared would "batter [them]".

A popular song associated with Mumbai is the "Hey Papa" song. However, it's strange that a certain two people would have attributed this song to a country in Africa when the song is actually a Polynesian song called "Chant of the Islands" by artist Fiji, who has Māori heritage. It's almost as if their white asses couldn't differentiate between two distinct and separate cultures. In their defence, the song makes several references to Africa.

## Modern Mumbai

As of 2020, the main village of Mumbai remains in ruins, with only weed-ridden sand and stumps of grass left where the structures once stood. However, to the North of the village a small expanse of grass lays and, as of recent, has developed into the **International Centre of Hate and Expense** (Mumbian: *IZiko leHlabathi leNzondo neNkcitho*) where Spears and McCauliffe talk about how they want to rich and how they hate not being rich. It has also become a way point for their occasional Couch to 5K runs.
Rutland Cycling cinema advert

A still from the advert, where the cyclist exhales a long breath

The **Rutland Cycling cinema advert** is an advert for Rutland Cycling that is played in cinemas.

It plays at the Showcase Cinema Barbra McCauliffe and Edgar Spears usually go to, and for some reason they look forward to seeing this advert more than the film they've paid to go see. This may be because the place is advertising is right next to the Granary, so they walk by it quite often.

## Description

The advert opens on a wide aerial shot of a vast forest, and then cuts to a fast paced scene of a cyclist cycling through the forest. It switches between the tranquillity of the forest and the adrenaline-fuelled cyclist soaring through the woodland.

It includes several slow motion shots as well, alongside nature sounds and dramatic music. One moment where there is a single, slow exhale of breath stands out.
Maritime Way

**The Maritime Way** is a nautical hand-signal used by people who work on docks. It is produced by creating a 'crab claw' with the fingers, and slowly bringing them too and from the thumb. Why this signal is used is a mystery, it was merely an observation whilst Jones and Nicholas were visiting Hunstanton, a bloody long time ago.
Lääplääpläas' House-Cleaner

**Lääplääpläas' House-Cleaner** -let's just call her something stereotypical like **Maria** for the sake of argument - is a Mexican house cleaner and occasional au pair.

Maria first met Lääplääpläas whilst on a skiing holiday in Switzerland. She worked as a chambermaid during his stay, and came in daily to make the bed even though the bed was already made because he had not actually slept in it throughout his two-week stay. When Lääplääpläas was about to leave he stuffed Maria in his small bag along with his wicker chair and took her back to the United Kingdom, where she now lives and works.

Maria visits Lääplääpläas' flat once or twice a week to give it a clean, though she is forbidden from entering many of the other rooms.

Her other jobs could include being an Au Pair to Peter and Mandy's children.
Boom Mike & Kamra Mann

Boom Mike & Kamra Mann are two forgotten characters who never really amounted to much. They have regular male bodies but  Boom Mike sports a Boom Microphone for his head, whereas Kamra Mann has a Video Camera (Like the big ones the beeb has) on his.

They would make a brilliant indie comic book duo. I’m sure I’ll get round to that one day.
Chad

**Chad** is a former Bushfield pupil who was in the same year as Barbra McCauliffe and Edgar Spears. If Bushfield had been an American high school, he would have been the damaged loner bully, who even the jocks don't really waste their time on.

He has had the occasional interaction with McCauliffe and Spears, some more memorable than others.

## Early life

### **Childhood**

Chad was born in Peterborough and grew up in Orton Goldhay. He went to Winyates Primary School, where he met his future friends Mat, Connor Denden and Kyle-T.

## Bushfield

### **Secondary school**

Chad, along with his friends Matt, Connor Denden and Kyle-T, ended up going to notorious Orton concentration camp Bushfield. Initially he was part of Matt's retinue, but began to associate more with some of the nomnoms and had some interactions with Barbra McCauliffe over Pokémon. He even asked her at one point if she had a boyfriend. However, this 'friendship' later turned sour when McCauliffe and Chad clashed in the Quad and he called her a 'fucking emo slut'.

Later during the year, he also began to form friendships with the rat-ta-ta boys, consisting of Craig, Michael, Nathan and Reece. However, he would still divide some of his time to Matt. It was around this time that Matt was becoming friends with Edgar Spears, which was how Spears and Chad met.

### **Edgar Spears**

*Main article: Edgar Spears and the Bad Boy of Bushfield*

Spears and Chad began a friendship that evolved outside of Matt's influence, and eventually the two began to see each other on their own. However, things started to take a very homosexual turn. A more sexual nature began to define their friendship, until they were regularly meeting up to engage in sexual play. Despite Chad's demurrals, the relationship continued for some time before the pair grew apart and Chad went on to bully Spears for being gay with his new friends.

## Today

### **Family life**

Chad has a girlfriend and one daughter. It's unknown what his sexuality is, but evidence points to him being bisexual. He still lives in Peterborough.

### **Car groups**

Chad regularly visits car meet ups in Peterborough. It is at these car meet ups where he was reacquainted with McCauliffe. The two are civil nowadays. One interesting conversation that took place was when Chad randomly asked McCauliffe why she hangs out with Spears so much, which resulted in McCauliffe revealing to Chad that Spears is now out of the closet. Little did she know that he was well aware.
Unknown French Character

## The Unknown French Character

The **Unknown French Character** (French*: Le personnage français inconnu*) is a character that is yet to be discovered by Edgar Spears and Barbra McCauliffe. The pair are due to discover him when they eventually go to Paris.

So far his only contribution to boot is the phrase *'je m'appelle Covid-dix-neuf'*
London to Peterborough train journey

McCauliffe's impression of the event recreated on Snapchat

The journey from **London to Peterborough on the train** was a controversial event that occurred on 22 October 2017.

McCauliffe and Spears were preparing to travel back to Peterborough from King's Cross in London. They purchased tickets for a 14:22 Great Northern train, and McCauliffe noted that the platform it would arrive at would be 8.

They walked to the platform so that they would be early for the train. They were met by complete emptiness, but attributed it to their earliness.

They sat there for around half an hour until McCauliffe checked the time. At approximately 14:19, McCauliffe asked Spears if he could confirm that it was platform 8. Spears admitted he hadn't checked, but he used his app to have a look. He was surprised to read that the platform was actually 9. McCauliffe questioned if the platform was nearby, but unfortunately it was on the other side of the fucking station.

They hoisted their bags and ran, amusing a member of staff who laughed to himself at the sight of them. They charged through King's Cross and eventually arrived at platform 9. However, as they made it to the gate they saw that the train wasn't there anymore. In fact, their timing meant that they were able to catch a last glimpse of it before it faded into a black tunnel in the distance.

McCauliffe was furious and deflated, whereas Spears was laughing he was crying and he was struggling to carry his bags. They bought another set of tickets after crumpling up their old ones for the 15:33 Great Northern train, and then had to wait for an hour.

Fortunately, they got on to this train without any difficulty or error. However, during the train ride where they reflected on what had happened to them, McCauliffe noticed something about the tickets. They were super off-peak, which meant the first set of tickets they had bought (and crushed in their palms) would have actually been valid on the train they were on. They had spent around £60 on tickets when they only needed to pay half.
Alex Tucker

**Alex Louise Tucker** is a self-proclaimed feminist activist and the ex partner of morbidly obese Lewis Barański.

She was initially a vacuous chav with poor literary skills until she discovered feminism. Her views on feminism and the patriarchy are extreme to the point of absurdity, taking umbrage with issues such as women being underrepresented in prostate cancer care.

Her and Baranski had a son called Felix. However, it is believed that he was taken out of their care or he died.
Drizzled in Shame (film)

***Drizzled in Shame*** is a 2020 film loosely based on true events surrounding Barbra McCauliffe and her journey to chubby chaserism.

Set in Bible Belt America, it centres on McCauliffe falling in love with a chubby guy who is bullied at her high school and the repercussions that come with being openly into larger men in a traditional religious environment.
Foxton Locks School Trip

The **Foxton Locks School Trip** took place in early 2010 (February or March). The Year 11 history students of Bushfield had to participate in a ritual visit to Foxton Locks to help aid them through their coursework, collecting primary evidence, notes and photographs. Spears and McCauliffe were (un)fortunate enough to be on this trip.

## The Journey

### **The Bus**

To take the students to Foxton, the Bushfield staff booked a small yellow bus, capable of just about holding the History students, teachers and support staff. Too many of the male student's delights, the bus driver happened to be an attractive young blonde woman, however, the taller amongst them would have been rather dissatisfied with the seats as the leg room was so scarce you had to sit either slightly sideways or suffer having your legs crushed by the seat in front. Even McCauliffe found it difficult to sit straight.

### **I Love Midget Porn**

As this was the late 2000's, Bluetooth technology was all the rage, and to pass time, the duo, joined also by Klum decided it would be funny to send photos to other students on the bus under pseudonyms using Bluetooth. McCauliffe changed her phone's Bluetooth name to something which resembled the name of their history teacher Stephens and searched for operative devices. Fortunately, James with the Wobbly voice's phone was activated, so McCauliffe requested to send a photo of a chubby boy wearing a t-shirt with 'I Love Midget Porn' written over it. To their amazement, James with the Wobbly Voice accepted and the file was transferred. At this point, McCauliffe looked around to see James' face looking down quite clearly confused, and shuffling to peer over his seat to see if his teacher had in fact sent this image to him. #classic. Whilst writing this post, McCauliffe did, in fact, look for the original image but was unfortunately unable to find it, plus her search history was beginning to look worse than what it already was.
Mu--------------------lan

DVD art for Mu--------------------lan

***The Legend of*** ***Mu--------------------lan***,better known as ***Mu--------------------lan,*** is a 1998 animated musical period film produced by Bebo. Based on the legendary Chinese woman warrior (not that one) Hua Mulan, it is widely regarded as a mistake.

It follows the story of Hua Mulan, a woman living in China populated by non-Asians, who disguises herself as a man so she can take her father's place in the war. She falls in love with a dragon, thwarts the plans of Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn's spiritual ancestor for a Communist coup, makes friends with a chipmunk and meets an Ice Queen in the sky, all of which is narrated by an ancient Greek satyr who lived before any of this bollocks even happened.

Noted for its unconventional and unique interpretation of the original legend, it was plagued with problems during its half an hour production. It was initially planned to be released by Walt Disney Pictures, but for an undisclosed reason they chose to make their own version instead. On a budget of £25, its box office performance made a piss-poor £2.50. Interestingly, only one DVD was sold and that was priced at £3.50.
Brenda Stephens

**Brenda Stephens** is the long-lost sister of the infamous history teacher Stephens. Brenda works as a barmaid at the Granary, but has been sighted in other pubs where our characters might end up.

With her fishnet tights, large bust and hoarse voice, this old bombshell is a fan favourite with the punters, who often drunkenly flirt with her, though she is beyond them in age. Imagine a combination of Betty Boop and Shirley from *EastEnders*.
Qīng Chóng Sally

**清崇薩莉** (Simplified: 清崇萨莉) (**Qīng Chóng Sà Lì**) is a mysterious woman, spirit, ghost or something entirely unknown who acts as a guide to lost travellers. Believed by some to be a possible reincarnation of the Chinese goddess Yǐnméng Niángniáng (引蒙娘娘), she spends her time appearing before people experiencing difficulty on long or short journeys.

Living in Chinatown, London, she is known to present those who have unintentionally invoked her with riddles and proverbs with the assistance of Góng. However, they are incredibly difficult to solve so she will always clarify in plainer language what she means. She will then instantly vanish.

Ching also has the ability to turn into a dragon when under duress (i.e. someone solves her riddle without requiring her to explain it).
Hotelphilia

**Hotelphilia** means to love hotels, especially over other forms of temporary accommodation such as hostels, Air BnBs and the fucking wilderness. Barbra McCauliffe and Edgar Spears are very open to each other about their hotelphilia. They much prefer to stay in a lavish hotel than anywhere else.

## List of hotels

This is a list of hotels McCauliffe and Spears have stayed in.
Samuel

**Samuel**was possibly the first boot chatacter, conceived years before boot humour even existed. In 2008, Barbra McCauliffe had a Motorola Razr v3i with some limited effects. After taking a bizarre image of Callum, McCauliffe and Edgar Spears dubbed the warped image 'Samuel' and it remained on McCauliffe's phone for years afterwards. It now resides on Facebook, buried deep down in McCauliffe's albums.
Joe Pasquale

Joe Pasquale on the front cover of his DVD 'The Return of the Love Monkey'

**Joseph Ellis Pasquale** (born 20 August 1961), better known as **Joe Pasquale**, is an English comedian, actor and television presenter. If you want information about him that's actually useful, you'll probably want his Wikipedia.

## Legacy

Pasquale is known for his swiftness and ability to get away quickly, which has inspired the common phrase "I'll be out of here quicker than Joe Pasquale".
Killer sheep

**Killer sheep** are a breed of sheep native to Castor, Peterborough.

## Encounters

### **Spears and McCauliffe encounter**

Spears and McCauliffe decided to have a day out in Castor, an activity they used to do quite often. Instead of walk their usual route, they chose to take another path through a field that was littered with sheep. They both thought it would be nice, and were convinced it was safe because they were fucking sheep. However, they were not aware that these were killer sheep. As they walked through the field, they noticed that the sheep were watching them instead of minding their own business or fleeing. This unsettled Spears and McCauliffe, but they carried on. However, the sheep then began to walk towards them, eventually cantering towards them and then nearly running. Spears and McCauliffe panicked as every sheep charged towards them, so they ran as fast as they could to the stile at the other end of the field. They managed to get over it before the sheep could get to them, but the sheep stood on the other end of the stile and watched a panting, sweating Spears and McCauliffe.
Lorry Driver

The **Lorry Driver** is a white, bald, Englishman who went on holiday to Tokyo in August 2016. He shared the same room as Our Mate. He could also be the re-used man who calls Mate 'sausage' when Mate is spending some time in prison. The Lorry Driver is also in an on/off relationship with Derek van Dorenkamp.
Jenny

**Jenny** (neé Scandinavia) is the only known daughter of Lääplääpläas and Taaloolaa. She was conceived after a brief romance and was only introduced to her father in her late teens. Her fiancee, Generic van Dorenkamp, finds her heritage strange but is willing to accept the family's faults, he only knows too well what a weird-ass family is like.

Though her appearance more closely resembles that of a human than appearing like her mother of father, she does on occasion have difficulty concealing her ears and tail, similarly to her second-cousin, Råker.

## Relationships

### Her Father

She has a difficult relationship with her father. She is eager for him to conform more and act like an ordinary father and thus struggles to accept his exuberant, idiosyncratic behaviour. In fact, on several occasions, she has wondered how the fuck they're related.

### Generic

Jenny is Generic van Dorenkamp’s fiancée.

### The Bloke who shouts ANDY

On one drunken occaionsion, Jenny ended up getting seduced by BWSA in the local weatherspoons ans the two ended up making out in the womens toilets. Generic van Dorenkamp was in the toilets mext door whilst this was happening. Jenny however can not remember the incident at all, nor remember who she was making out with.
Jude's Angels

**Jude's Angels** is the name of a crime-fighting group consisting of members - known as 'Angels' - Mandy Plimpton, Maria and Chav Rat. They are lead by head of British Intelligence Jude Law, who provides the eponymous group with missions that Mandy cannot complete on her own. Law communicates with the trio over a speaker system in the aim of ensuring his anonymity, which is completely pointless because not only does he regularly meet with Mandy face-to-face but he's also publicly known as an actor.
Age of Starlight

**Age of Starlight** (often stylised as **A\*** or **A Star**) were an English pop band from East London, formed in 1984. The band consists of Eric van Dorenkamp (lead vocals, synthesiser, brass), Our Mate (vocals, synthesisers, bass), Peter (synthesisers, vocals, lead guitar) and **The Additional** band-member who hasn't shown any significance yet (drums, synthesisers).

A\* formed just after the surge of New Romantic bands, such as Adam and the Ants, Duran Duran and Culture Club, but continued the style throughout their short-lived but iconic career. The band achieved popularity with preteens and teenagers, who related to their themes of youth autonomy and disillusionment with society.

## History

### **Formation**

Eric, Our Mate, Peter and whoever the fuck else was in it started booking small gigs at pubs and clubs. It was in 1979 when they finally sat together and chose a name for their band. Inspired by a range of artists, they began to fuse their favourite sounds together. Eric was the lead vocalist, and his distinctive vibrato was widely praised and became one of the band's most notable characteristics.

### **Popularity**

They were an overnight success, and their gigs started to increase in scope until they were eventually selling out huge arenas. Their growing success led them to cultivate their exuberant, androgynous image that eventually defined their legacy. Burgeoning at the same time as acts such as Boy George and Dead or Alive, they came to be seen as pioneers of the New Romantic movement. Rejecting the clean, polished version of masculinity that had dominated the previous era, their looks attracted significant attention and turned them into sex symbols.

## Break-up

After a series of disagreements between band members, it was thought that Dorenkamp refused to play alongside Mate and in 1988, Mate left the group for good. The other members soon followed. Dorenkamp is the only remaining member, as he refuses to believe that the band has broken up, though no music has been produced by A\* in 29 years.
Joey

**Joey** is one of Lääplääpläas' henchmen. He loosely resembles Plaapsy, but is short and stout. He works closely with Tony, Plaapsy's other henchman.

Much to Plaapsy's disproval, Joey jas his own social life, where he has made good friends with The Bloke who shouts ANDY who lives above Plaapsy. Joey often attends partys at BWSA's house, and Plaapsy gets so envious he can be heard crying over the top of the music.
Japanese Man Singing

The **'Japanese Man Singing'**was a video on Youtube of a Japanese man singing karaoke badly to the second opening theme tune ***'**Osharemesaruna*' (おしゃれめさるな, literally meaning 'fashionable', unlike his version of the song) from the 1984 anime ***Persia, the Magic Fairy*** (魔法の妖精 ペルシャ *Mahō no Yōsei Perusha).* Though the video was less than 3 minutes long, the Japanese Guy's remdition of the song is thought to have never ended.

The man could be described as being middle aged, and appeared rather unenthusiastic. He would always wear a yellow poloshirt, with a towel over his shoulders.

Sadly the video no longer exists, but we can still admire him from this screenshot below.
Karen the Robot

**Karen the Robot** is a robot who inhabits a house which sits on a small planet light-years away into space. She frequently has her bins collected by Derek the Alien but repeatedly complains to him when items are not collected on time.

Her 1950s inspired detached house is also inhabited by her husband, a fat robot, and her two robot children. Her two children attend Space School, somewhere where New Kidd had the pleasure of accidentally travelling to on his first day while working at the Bebo Studio.

Though she is made from metal, she sports a typical 'I want to speak to the manager' haircut upon her head unit.
New Kidd's Mother

**New Kidd's Mother** is portrayed by roughly-cut footage of actress Clare Perkins whilst playing Eva Hartman in the BBC soap opera *EastEnders.* Even though any scenario that feature's New Kidd's Mother is completely fictional, and resides only within McCauliffe and Spears' head, they somehow could not afford her for these scenes so they have let their own imagination cut her out and roughly edit her into these scenes.

Not only is the footage used usually of poor quality, often recorded from a mobile phone, but the audio has been patched together to form sentences, resulting in some rather quirky dialogue, almost as if Cassette Boy has got hold of it.

As her name suggests, she is the mother of New Kidd. She is unaware that her son is no longer at school and is in employment, demonstrated when she asked once asked him 'hOw WaS sKLl, yOu dAFt cUNt?". However, this may be because there may not be footage of Perkins' *EastEnders* character saying the word 'work', so a clip of her saying 'school' was used instead.

She is also the mother of Poor Kidd. Not much is known about Poor Kid. However, it is suggested he lives a wayward and disreputable life as she has used him as an example to New Kidd on what not to be. This was evidenced when she said to New Kidd "yOU doNt wANna End Upp LIke Ya'BrOTHER".
Pea incident

The **pea incident** took place in 2004 when M Woodcock and Barbra McCauliffe were planning on creating a *Harry Potter* prequel. McCauliffe attended dinner at the Woodcock's household. Though only ages 10/11 at the time, McCauliffe found it odd when Woodcock's mother asked McCauliffe if she wanted her "peas put in a bowl" rather than with her meal, in which Nicholas replied, slightly questioning "no, I think I'll have them on my plate thank you".
Yakult Incident

**The Yakult Incident** (Thursday 8th November 2018) was an event which resulted in Jones and Nicholas visiting Sepentine Green Tescos in Hampton late at night for no real reason, only to buy a packet of grated cheese and Yakult yoghurt shots. The two drank some whilst shooting a boomberang video whilst parked up just outside the petrol station.

Little did they know this would be the first of many more, recently coined, *Al Tesco* events
Running Bebo Man

**Running Bebo Man** *(Sometimes called 'Running Bebo Guy')* is one of the last surviving members of the original BEBO Social media site. Before the studio became a budget film company, Running Bebo Man would be in control of keeping the site online. As the site began to lose popularity, fewer and fewer people would frequent the site, creating less turnover, and eventually less staff. Running Bebo Man would usually just sit alone in his office and only leave to get himself a coffee.

On one occasion however after a period of nobody using the site, Running Bebo Man had just sat back down at his desk, cradling a hot vending machine coffee. A red light flickered on alerting him that a person had gone onto the site. In a panicked frenzy, he dropped his coffee down himself before picking himself up and running down the corridor to the next room screaming "peeps are online!".

It is unsure why he did this, maybe to make sure the site was running at full capacity in one last bid to make the site meaningful again, or just to alert his remaining coworkers, but either way, this is how he earnt his name.

He now works in IT at the new Bebo studio.

## Appearance

He's a bit overweight and sports a goaty beard.
Miserable Woods

A screenshot of the Miserable Woods from the Ham Lane entrance as seen on Google Maps

### Inhabitants

Bats, Mr Morris

The **Miserable Woods**, sometimes known simply as 'those woods', is a trail through a small wooded area in Ferry Meadows that can be entered by Ham Lane on one side or Lynch Farm Riding on the other.

The woods are despised quite frankly by Barbra McCauliffe and Edgar Spears. When they were on their Couch to 5K runs, they would often have to walk back home through this wood. One day, they both came to the conclusion that they absolutely hate traversing through it, particularly at night.

It has an unsettling feeling, in part due to the fact that it never seems to end.
Horrific

**Horrific** was said by McCauliffe when pushing the door whilst entering the Argo Lounge on 2nd November 2018, where both McCauliffe and Spears immeditatly erupted into solid laughter, causing a few heads to turn as they entered the bar.

It was suggested that Horrific could infact be another of Eric van Dorenkamp’s relations but a Grannery visit may be instore for this to happen.
Bloke Who Shouts ANDY

The **Bloke who shouts ANDY** (Shortened to **BWSA,** *pronounced Bwoosha*) is an employee at The Bebo Studio. He comes across quite loud and has earned himself a bit of a laddish reputation. He is thought to be between the ages of 25 - 30

## Bebo Studio

This is the studio which is responsible for Mu--------------------lan. BWSA works upstairs and had nothing to do with the actual production of the film, I think he works in like accounts or something.

He is often seen staggering home from the pub late at night, occasionally pausing to finish his cigarette on The Bridge on his route home.

## Personal life

BWSA is a keen drinker and is known to regularly suggest going to the pub to his colleagues. However, The Bloke who Shouts Andy's finances prevent him for paying. This has caused conflict with many of his friends. They will often be forced to pay for his drinks, but when they ask him to pay he will immediately leave for home.

BWSA lives in the upper story of a small maisonette flat, its location is unknown. His ground-floor neighbour is Lääplääpläas but they rarely see one another. On occasions, Plaapsy will knock for BWSA to turn his music down when he is throwing a party, which always ends up being a loud event causing Plaapsy to lose a second of sleep.

## Relationships

Though not in any serious relationships, (nor actually holding down a long-term relationship with anybody) BWSA is often seen flirting cheekily with women at bars. He does have a particular fondness for his neighbour's daughter Jenny, who is already engaged, but this doesn't stop him chatting her up when she comes to visit her father.

He is also friends with Tony and Joey, Lääplääpläas' main henchmen, who often come round when BWSA is throwing a party, much to Plaapsy's dismay. On one occasion Plappsy could here BWSA and his guests talking about the "weird neighbour below",and Joey and Tony joined in. This made Plaapsy cry, with his tears rolling up his face to form a wet patch on the ceiling above his head, directly below BWSA's kitchen. One of BWSA's guests actually thought the fridge was leaking.

BWSA has often engaged in sexual activity with Chav Rat, usually after a drunken night out and with a horrific (Not to get confused with one of the van Dorenkamp relations) case of the Beer Goggles. On numerous occasions Our Mate has got home from work to find Rat and BWSA romping about together in his own bed, often getting yelled out to leave.
Mothering Sunday

**Mothering Sunday** took place on 11th March 2018. This started off as a typical Starbucks Meet at The Orton Centre for Jones and Nicholas, discussing typical Boot-humour related shit. However, the duo decided to venture over to try out the new B&M Store, and to laugh at the products and people in there. However, the duo ended up spending quite some time in the the store, and actually ended up buying Charcoal Toothpaste together. The two then wondered over to QD were they braved the Smile Cafe for a coke.
Thalks

An artist's impression of the planet Thalks

**Thalks** (Welsh*: LLalcs*) is a planet outside of our Solar System, more than likely located in Space Leeds where Derek the Alien lives.

It was first brought to public attention by English entertainer Eric van Dorenkamp (interestingly a possible very distant relative of Derek TA) via his Twitter account.

Almost nothing is known about its atmosphere, climate or geology, so it's strange that van Dorenkamp is even aware of its existence.

## Discovery

### **Eric van Dorenkamp's Twitter**

All round superstar Eric van Dorenkamp was the first person to raise awareness of Thalks to the wider general public. In 1 February 2013, he tweeted about his love for the mysterious planet and suggested it was in some kind of peril, pleading with a hashtag that it be saved.

> i love the planet Thalks <3 #savetheplanetThalks #wishamanhistrosersdann
>
>

The tweet did not receive as much attention as he probably would have wished, only receiving one like. From himself. The scientific community has yet to comment on the tweet.

## Culture

### **Language**

As Thalks probably exists in Space Leeds, it is more than likely that the language spoken would be Welsh.
Skegness Trip

The **Skegness 2018** visit took place on 11 August 2018 with Barbra McCauliffe and Edgar Spears. Set on finding the Aunt's seaside shop, and possibly even the Aunt herself, it was mostly successful.

## Events

### **Arrival and exploration**

After spending the majority of the car journey singing along to music, McCauliffe and Spears arrived in Skegness in McCauliffe's trusty Motey. They had a brief look around and commented on its lacklustre attractions.

While they were looking for the Aunt's shop, they found a gift shop of sorts that looked so naff they had no choice but to go in. Inside, they saw familiar tat, but were drawn to a collection of mugs. One mug in particular caught their eye: the JLS Mug. Its poor quality felt like it was made to be booted, alongside a Justin Bieber mug. McCauliffe offered to buy them, saying it was '[her] treat', and then had them engraved with their names.

They visited a furniture store which sold mostly kitschy furniture such as bejewelled chandeliers, photo frames and other ornaments. After buying nothing from that shop, they found themselves in a hardware and gardening shop. The pair chose to purchase a pair of silicone oven gloves, which some inner voice told them they had to absolutely use to play *Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone* for the PlayStation 1 with.

Finally, they found the Aunt's shop and found the usual crap. Fleeces with wolves and full moons on, miniature water fountains with fairies and castles, dream catchers, expensive models of swords, baskets of random gemstones and other New Age delights.

### **Gypsy**

As they were strolling through the shops, McCauliffe was called by a woman sat in a poorly illuminated doorway. Spears went with her, and they noticed she was carrying a wicker basket. It soon became clear to them that she was a gypsy. She asked McCauliffe several questions, foreseeing that she would have three or four children. McCauliffe instantly recoiled at this prophecy. The mysterious fortune teller then asked if McCauliffe and Spears were a couple, which told the pair all they needed to know about the authenticity of her claims of clairvoyance.

She asked McCauliffe if she could trust Spears, to which McCauliffe replied that she could. The amateur seer then looked at Spears and told him that she 'could see [he] was trustworthy'. She then told him he would travel a lot. He hasn't left the country since that interaction. After her prophecies flopped, she asked them if they would buy anything from her basket. They declined and left.

### **Rides and curses**

The pair decided to go on a few roller coasters while they were there, including a log flume and a roller coaster that, while on it, they began to regret going on because of how unsafe it felt. They then chose to have fish and chips and sit on the beach. McCauliffe tripped several times, and then as they were eating a gust of wind blew Spears' fork into McCauliffe's direction, which caused some of her food to fall. It became clear to them that the gypsy from before had placed a hex on them.
Derek the Alien

**Derek the Alien** is Derek van Dorenkamp's alien alternative. Like Earthling Derek, Derek the Alien is an HGV driver, but from outer space. He spends his days travelling around the universe delivering goods and occasionally picking up lost NASA space robots who have found themselves off course or forgotten about, and helps them reach their destination. He works for Leeds City Council's space devision. the only Civic Council that hosts a space division in the entire world.

Even though Derek the Alien is an actual Extra Terrestrial, he is made to have his skin painted green by Bebo Studios, as well as having to sport a 'cartoony' third eye that is clearly a cheap prosthetic taped to his forehead like some bad BBC production - just to make him look more like an alien.

In the Bebo studio by the cupboards in the office kitchen, there is a portal that leads to Derek the Alien's region of space.

## Relationship with Derek

Though both Derek the Alien and Derek van Dorenkamp both share interests and feature in each others sketches, the two of them never actually meet one enough due to conveniently placed objects or events that mean they never manage to see each other. An example of this happening was when both Derek’s booked a spa day on the same day, and ended up on Adjacent tables. Because of one of them having Cucumbers over their eyes at a given time, The pair never got to see each other.
Space School

Space School logo

**Space School** (Welsh: *Ysgol Ofod*)is a school in space that is attended by Karen the Robot's children and many of the other space characters. Its layout is basically classic Bushfield.

Although the official language of space is Welsh, the school's logo is written in English. This is the result of the Interplanetary War of the Raxos Fleet of the year 3145 D7X and the many complex peace accords that followed, and has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Edgar Spears forgot about this when he was making the logo.
Generic van Dorenkamp

**Generic van Dorenkamp** is the eldest sibling of Eric van Dorenkamp and Derek van Dorenkamp. He is also the unseen fiancé of Jenny Scandinavia.

He literally is pretty generic, he has been likened to an NPC just a generic person in the background of shots and scenes. He is occasionally mentioned by other characters such as Jenny or members of The Dorenkamp family in passing, but is seldom seen. Spears and McCauliffe actually saw Generic pass by a window whilst sat in a Starbucks at Canary Wharf during Snowmageddon.

Due to there being a large age gap between the Generic and the Dorenkamp twins, their relationship is not well-documented, and there is very little contact between them.

It was once suggested that Generic is Uncle in The Uncle who came for Christmas story, but there is no further evidence than a flyaway comment on a train ride to suggest this.

Alongside The trucker, Generic often plays an extra in the background shots of boot scenes, sometimes more than once, and it is even said he plays an extra in his own scenes.

## Early life

Generic is the child of Agnetta van Dorenkamp and John Gurnsley, and was born in the hospital where Dr Jolly works. Generic was Agnetta's first child, and when he was born she had not thought of a name for him yet. She instructed someone near her to "just name him something generic". They understood this to mean to literally name him Generic, and that was how he got his name.
Vlad the Neighbour

**Vlad the Neighbour** (Russian: Влад Сосед), also known as **Vlad the Lad**, is a Russian and formerly Soviet spy and community leader who lives next door to Mandy Plimpton.

## Biography

### **Relocation to the UK**

After the fall of the Soviet Union in 1991, Vlad continued to work for the Kremlin as a spy in the United Kingdom.

He has since become a respected member of his community, despite the fact his neighbours are more or less aware of his occupation. He regularly attends village fetes, and is popular with the mothers.

### **Relationship with Mandy**

Vlad and his neighbour Mandy have a unique relationship. They are on good terms, often helping one another out on domestic tasks. Sometimes when Mandy is in need of information, she will arrange with Vlad when is best to pop over to interrogate him. They will then engage in a polite interrogation, whereby Mandy will amicably extract information from him.
Aunt

The **Aunt** is the ex-wife of Uncle from The Uncle who came for Christmas. Unlike Uncle, Aunt is really outgoing and in her nephew's life, though maybe he wishes she wasn't.

She is an ex-hippy, who practices mystic healing and wears rainbow coloured knitted hoodies. She has long dreadlocked grey hair and runs a mystic shop at the coast selling incense sticks, t-shirts with wolves howling at the moon on, dragon ornaments and a host of other New-age paraphernalia.

Her shop smells of incense and moth balls, while the languid ambience of New-age music accompanied by the tinkling of wind chimes can always be heard.
Nearbai

Nearbai, with Dubai faintly visible nearby in the distance

**Nearbai** (/ˈnɪəːˈbaɪ/; Arabic: مجاور *Nubay*) is a city in the United Arab Emirates (UAE), nearby Dubai in the eastern part of the Arabian peninsula in the Persian gulf. It is the least populated, least visited and poorest city in the UAE, and is relatively unknown to outsiders and even some inhabitants.

## History

Little is known about the history of Nearbai, other than it was constructed nearby Dubai. It is believed Sa‘id Naateq was born there, but since she has literally only appeared in one boot situation in her life (which was subsequently lost) she hasn't really had a chance to confirm or deny the claim.

Our Mate once visited Nearbai, believing he was going to Dubai. Eric van Dorenkamp booked the plane tickets for him, partly as a joke, but also because van Dorenkamp couldn't afford a trip to Dubai for two people.

Nearbai is one of the only places that Bebo Air can travel too.
Derek the Ghost

**Derek the Ghost** is a version of Derek van Dorenkamp who is a ghost. Despite the fact he is actually a ghost, he is forced to wear a white sheet over him with black cut-out areas for his eyes in the style of a cheap Halloween costume.

He lives in a crypt in a graveyard.

Although he has no intention of haunting people, he sometimes accidentally terrifies them with the most innocent action. Fo example, when he sneezes he inadvertently makes a ghostly *achhOOOooOoOOO* kind of sound.
Landing Incident

The **Landing Incident**  was an event which took place within McCauliffe's home on Saturday 27th April 2019. Whilst on a call with Spears, McCauliffe described that she had sat on the landing for no reason whatsoever earlier in the day, just to look around, at this point Jone's also mentioned that he does things similar, and both agreed the McCauliffe should return to the Landing whilst on the call. McCauliffe did and the pair began laughing maniacally to each other over the phone for about 3 minutes. McCauliffe suggested that she sat down, which she did, tears streaming down her face, again for no reason whatsoever.