Episode 23: First Contact

Dick is booking a vacation to Minnesota for himself and Johnson. Since the trip isn't for another three months, they travel to Tokyo taking out the Yakuza, arrest drug lords at the US-Mexican border, commit a bank heist in Brazil after kicking Wayne "the Stone" Rohnson's ass, go para-gliding in Cancún, stop the polar ice caps from melting (at least for a few weeks), and buy all of the US' national parks to preserve them.

Meanwhile, vampire hunter Rhonda Munch née Vampyr is camping out in the woods of Minnesota. She is attacked by several vampires, but easily stakes them. She then goes to the movie theater, where she meets a group of werewolves, which are not hostile, especially after she rips out the hearts of the few who were less polite.

The Chief calls Dick and Johnson, who are now in an airport in Minnesota, having just arrived for their vacation. He informs them that a large number of extraterrestrial lifeforms have been observed in the Minnesotan wild and Dick and Johnson are to establish first contact. Since all alien hunters are currently unavailable, vampire hunter and nearest agent Rhonda is sent to aid them in this mission. Rhonda picks up the duo from the airport and drives them to the location. On the way, she tells them how she had become a vampire hunter and agent after she was forced to kill her entire family that had been attacked by and turned into vampires. Despite maintaining a calm and composed exterior, Rhonda is reminded of her traumatic past as they enter the woods, and she crashes the car and injures Dick. The three continue on foot, punching their way through the trees. Eventually, they reach what appears to be the crash site of a large alien ship, that is surrounded by smaller structures. They decide to observe the site first, setting up camp, but a barbeque by Dick causes a forest fire, that catches the attention of the aliens. They attack using large biomechanical walkers outfitted with death rays, that are themselves also aliens and vehicles. Johnson gives the aliens their first welcome to earth, and Dick and Rhonda follow suit. After the attackers are repelled, they notice a larger host of alien walkers and ground troops heading for the nearest town. Running to catch up to the invaders, Rhonda single-handedly takes out two walkers using her power of flips, Dick and Johnson destroy one as well and focus on evacuating civilians. Despite her prowess, Rhonda fears that taking out all of the aliens in single combat may take too long to avoid more casualties and damage, as they are now headed for Minneapolis.

Instead of pursuing the rest of the alien forces, the trio decides to head back to the spaceship to investigate the source and possibly the reason for the invasion. Infiltrating the ship in the least subtle way possible, they find it to be run by a simple Windows 95 PC. The Chief enters the room, revealing that the entire mission was a test to prepare Dick and Johnson for a possible actual first contact scenario. The aliens are synthetically created creatures, the townspeople are actors, the attacks were staged, and Rhonda is part of the Agency's HR department sent to observe Dick and Johnson. Since they have resorted to violence so quickly and without considering other options, the Chief considers their performance a failure. Feeling deeply betrayed and manipulated by the Chief and the Agency, Dick and Johnson quit.

## Behind the Scenes

The vampire that had turned Rhonda's family was supposed to be revealed to be Pep R. Ridge.