It's Fly Time, Baby

*As  our heroes depart the Woods Beyond the Woods, they find themselves one step closer to Hell. But those dark storm clouds on the horizon, are they real or metaphorical? Wait, they're real AND metaphorical?? Now this I gotta hear!*

## Summary

The Sasquatches begin to return to their nomadic ways after Miracle Michael is killed. The party sets up a booby trap using the giant Sasquatch foot a honey, baiting a bear out of the woods. Once it touches the bear, it is turned back into Leafy Green Surprise. With things roughly back to normal, Alcatraz leaves on his own oath with a fond farewell to Cordelia. Frederick remains out of sight, his one hand covered in white pig shit. Spilled Milk’s waste seems to keep The Unpleasantness from possessing him. Flies continue to eat at it, with some occasionally turning into another creatures that was cursed when the magic is dispelled.

They set off towards Polaris University, and when they stop to get out of the rain they reflect on the book Virginia left to Albee. Cordelia opens it, which forms an emperor-like figure before a massive, animated map of Hell springs out. The party attempts to wrestle the book shut but Frederick binds it back into place by comprehending and containing the information, explaining that “Rule number one: book want be read.” They make what little sense they can of the map, recognizing a small spot marked as Cheddar’s diner. They find an entry about him, believing him to be the first wandering demon and one who can never truly have a physical form. It labels him as being bound by a standard ring of salt, so Stirfry prepares it so Cordelia can summon Cheddar into one of Stirfry’s rats.

Cheddar possesses it without halting time, but is immediately outraged. He describes the experience as wholly unpleasant while loathing that he is making the rat he’s inside suffer. They break the circle and let him possess Bellow (Wildshaped into a horse) to further explain. Cheddar speaks to Cordelia, feeling betrayed for trusting her. He leaves them bitterly, but confesses that The Unpleasantness had contaminated some of his gifts and escaped into Cordelia without his realizing it. The party lets him go but realizes that they had a lot more questions, starting to form a list.

The party is suddenly called out to be judged. A man on a horse, Judge Missionary Heavenwife Buzz, awaits them to judge if they are moral beings. He asks them what the worst thing they ever did was, and when Albee confesses to killing in self defense, he deems her wicked and turns her into a fly. Stirfry and Cordelia try to stop him, only to receive the same fate. Bellow manages to Wildshape into a fly, convincing Missionary that he was cursed as well. Frederick holds back, knowing that his feces-covered hand is their only means of removing the curse, but he is ultimately spotted. He poses as a kidnapped child, “confessing” to having once coveted his mother’s bread. Missionary confirms this is wicked but that there is hope for him yet and lets him off with a warning before riding away.

The transformed party members struggle to hide from the rain, with Bellow turning back into a tiefling to shield them in a tinderbox. Cordelia is attacked by a dragonfly, but speaks to him to convince him that she is the legendary rider of dragonflies. She catches a ride on him before he’s swatted down by Bellow and they realize their cure lies in the delicious smell on Frederick’s hand. They eat Spilled Milk’s shit and turn back to their normal selves.

## Trivia

* This is the first episode presented as a podcast in the Headgum podcast network.
* The intro and outro of the episode is narrated by Branson Reese. He plays an unnamed stranger chained to a book in the graveyard, and seems unfamiliar with the tale being told of Rude Tales of Magic. He continues to narrate future episodes, identifying himself as The Gravefreaker.

## Links

* https://omny.fm/shows/rude-tales-of-magic/rtom-ep-059-its-fly-time-baby-dai