I'm Not Some Puppet For You - Don't Get It Twisted/Confessionals

Hesh exposed Ben's idol to EVERYONE, exposed that he had some kind of idol, and now the OG Akurio tribe for sure is fractured
I'm just glad to have survived and be PART of a merge blindside for once, I'm usually on the receiving end of those XD
Either way, this next round is complicated because I'm gonna be out of action for a good portion of tribal so I'm gonna have to rely on my allies to keep me safe.
Annabelle seems to want to take a shot at Jones to break up a big OG Wayana group, which is fair, but I know damn well we could get backlash for this...which may not be a bad thing. For starters I have a mini idol to protect myself, and furthermore, I'm working close with Natalia, so if she gets pulled into something against me, I'll know.
But of course, people are gonna want Ben's idol flushed so...buckle up y'all, we're probably in for another messy round

So for this vote my primary objective is to get out an orange using an idol so that my people burn some resources and we can look less threatening. In order to do this I needed to get the band back together. To do that I had to bring together two people who each have their own batshit crazy style of playing in hesh and Ben. I talked to hesh and told him it was in our best interests to get Ben in our side otherwise we would be down heavy in numbers. I then went on VC with Ben and told him the same thing. As far as I know they reconciled while still not liking and trust each other. They are like two pit bulls going at each other throats with me holding the leashes so that they don’t kill each other.
Next order of business was rounding up Luca and Annabelle which wasn’t too hard considering we all have the same idea of that the others and now it’s just finding a common goal and target
The only problem was that Annabelle brought up Nat to me which was a no no because Nat needs to stay so I tried gently pushing that idea away cause of our deal but I don’t need Annabelle realizing how close me and Nat are til later.
Just had an hour chat with Luca
He wants nat
Not good
Not good at all
I really tried to push him off but his mind was already made up even if he said it wasn’t
He wasn’t really listening to any of the points I made about ziggy which is so frustrating
God
I’m so exhausted from trying to argue my point but getting nowhere
I’m not sure what Annabelle thinks but I’m not sure if I should warn nat
If nat goes who protects me on the other side
Timi maybe but doubtful
I can’t see anyone else
Maybe I work my relationship with Alex
But like what do I have to offer
I leaked to Nat that Miguel threw her name out to show her that my offer was legit but now if I do that it just looks shady
I need her to stay
Without looking sketchy

I brought up a split vote with a smokescreen idea to timi so we could flush Ben's idol and Timi said he was thinking the same. Then I asked timi what if we make one of the split targets Miguel (knowing timi would be down) and he said he also wanted the same. So then timi went to Ziggy with the idea, Ziggy came to me, I went to Alexandra, she said Ziggy just brought it up and she was down, then Alexandra went to Annabelle, I had already been talking to Annabelle about possibly voting Miguel and that there could be a split vote idea, then I went to hunter and let him know that the Ben/Miguel split seems to be getting attention & that he should fact check with annabelle to get her real thoughts on it
Jones seems worried about the idol and hunter seems also on the fence abt this split vote so idk yet what's going to happen but if I can make it work without making it seem too pushy on my end, I will.

Apparently Timi decided to take charge and go after Miguel because he wants revenge for last round. There's a split vote plan between Ben and Miguel
I think that's fine, neither of them were really honest with me and could still come after me soonish, but I just feel like that sets me up to either be targeted next round, or having to decide between two plans
I'm not afraid to make people mad, but I really wanna have a say in who goes here shortly, or have some kind of control, cause in the meantime I'm just gliding along. That's fine and all, but I can't keep doing this forever, I've taken my time to build up allies, I need to do something with em here soon
Why am I thinking ahead? Right now, it's about flushing Ben's idol. Go with the flow for now I guess...this round is just kind of dull for my game XD

For one thing, your secret closest ally (Nat) may end up leaving and you have to try and prevent it without giving away that you're defending her. Fucking hell, this absolutely sucks because a plan is in motion so I can be GRABBED AS NUMBERS by Luca. Seriously, this man is a fucking weasel, even without Annabelle, I don't think I would have fully trusted his chaotic ass, but with Annabelle, I really don't like his shit.
I'm not some puppet for you Luca, don't get it FUCKING twisted.
I just really hope Nat can survive this vote and someone else leaves, I cannot have her go this early.

This is the only longevity for my game
She can’t go
Even if this blows up in my face
Then I’m fine with it
I don’t see who would protect me from the wayana
I need to make this move for like 3 tribals down the line instead of 1

Fuck this people, seriously, I said I wanted to go with the flow this vote and they give me brick walls. Luca is lying about not knowing anything, Miguel and Ben are ghosting me, Ziggy and Brad have fucking vanished for god knows what reason, Timi and I sitting here wondering what the fuck happened, Natalia is scared she could leave cause I told her that's a possibility, and god knows WHAT THE FUCK ALEX AND JONES ARE THINKING SINCE THEY DON'T TALK!
I'm so fucking tired already, my heart is pounding, thank god for Annabelle leaking shit to me otherwise I would pop the fuck off and lose my mind, and then probably leave because people don't like that.
Lord help me

But at the same time, I think it's because of the thrill of pulling off plans, or outwitting each other, or just the memories that make it so fun. I lost that recently because...well each time I left a game it was in a sucky way. My memories were tainted.
I think also being blindsided so much, and just hearing how people are toying with me in this game, gets me frustrated, because I just want to do shit, but know I have to calm and control myself. It's hard to hold back, because I wanna go all out, but if I go all out, I'm done.
Temporary pain, long term reward. That reward could be a win, but also great memories...really, I just want to be able to say this was a great game.
So yeah, I'll keep yelling and venting and being the angry one, but in the long run, hopefully it leads to happy thoughts.