The Journal in the Drawer

*CW: This page contains (censored) swearing.*

**The Journal in the Drawer** is a notebook Maple found when they were taken by the Neverseen. They're staying in the same room Keefe did when he was being held captive, and Keefe had even made some doodles and drawings in the first few pages. The drawings include a fully shaded portrait of Zero, a drawing of Sophie, and a few unfinished sketches.

Maple found this journal and began documenting their time with the Neverseen.

## Maple's entries

### Entry 1

Day 1

You'd expect kidnapping to be a lot worse than this. Though it might get worse, who knows? I'm literally in a normal room that might even be bigger than my one at home. Hardly torture.

I'm still not exactly sure why I'm here, but Lady Gisela said I'd have the chance to make a difference. Change things for the better. And I agreed. Also she had a knife. So I agreed. She said that while I'm here, I'll be undergoing all kinds of "changes" and "transformation." She talks big for someone just barely taller than Kai. But yeah, like I said, this isn't half bad. Apparently Gisela's son used to stay in this room. I wonder if he made those drawings at the beginning of this journal. I heard he died because of what Lady Gisela did to

Sh\*t. Maybe I should be scared.

My brain is telling me to be scared, to get out of here, but I'm not really feeling any of it.

### Entry 2

Day 2

This morning Lady Gisela came in with food and water, but also a cup of... *stuff.* It looked like it was glowing. She said I needed to have a little bit every day, to "speed up the process." I don't know what process we're speeding up, but I've been snapped at and threatened enough to know to just go along with it.

That's one reason.

Anyway, nothing else interesting has happened. Hollis has probably noticed I'm missing by now. or maybe he didn't. But he probably did. Kai probably doesn't know. I wonder if she'd care if she did. I doubt it. She's so f\*cking fake.

It is quite boring here. I know that's the least of my problems, but I can't exactly do much about my current situation. So I've been playing solitaire with some playing cards I found. The ace of clubs is missing.

### Entry 3

Day 3

I took a chance today. When Lady Gisela brought me my usual meal along with the weird stuff, I asked what it would do to me. Probably would have been a good thing to ask before consuming it, but oh well.

She paused, and looked weird for a second. Then she told me it was preparation for later changes. Changes that require a Flasher and a Shade. She asked if I knew any who'd be willing. I told her no. My dad's a Flasher (and a polyglot) but he wouldn't help.

### Entry 4

*[The next entry is written in shaky, messy handwriting. There is a small bloodstain on the edge of the page.]*

I'm just an empath

I can't do anything special

I don't want to be forgotten

That's why I'm doing this

That's why

That's why

Why why

Why

Why does it have to hurt like this

### Entry 5

Day 5 (i think)

I don't remember writing what I wrote yesterday. I'm kind of tempted to just erase it or tear it out.

I don't remember much of yesterday, actually. My arms are sore and they're wrapped in bandages. the light feels a lot brighter than it used to. Maybe that's because of whatever Gisela's been doing to me, or maybe they just got a new light. I'm going to try to get up and figure out what the hell happened.

She said it was an empathy exercise. The other woman here, the ancient with dark hair who I never really paid attention to before, is apparently the empath I worked with. I heard her tell Nicolae that she knew I would be too weak for this.

I am not weak. I am so many things but weak is definitely not one of them. Maybe this is a form of manipulation. But I don't care. I'll show her.

I'm not weak.

### Entry 6

Day 6 (probably)

I worked up the courage to take the bandages off. I mean, I had to change them anyway. But there were all these cuts on my arms??? In a careful pattern, just lines down my forearm. Nothing like the other scars I've got. Because usually I was freaking out when I did that to myself. And if I'm putting pieces together correctly, Vespera (that's the name of the ancient I mentioned before) did that to me as some sort of empathy exercise? Which is. messed up. What kind of empathy exercise is that?

I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I want to go home. I miss Hollis. I miss my own room, my bed. I don't want to be here anymore.

Maybe it'll be worth it.

Also, Gisela came in and measured my head today. For some reason. She also had me stand on a scale and wrote down how much I weighed. She says she wants to start keeping track of things like my height and weight, for my safety or whatever. It just made me feel self-conscious.

I keep picking at my scabs and they bleed a lot.

### Entry 7

Day 8

I didn't write yesterday since, well, there's been nothing to write about. It's been pretty chill since Vespera's "empathy exercise" (still don't think that's what it really was) and I've been bored as hell. wish I was home.

I got some elixirs, so my arms are basically all healed. Which is good.

Gisela says she's working on recruiting a shade and that Vespera is trying to contact a Flasher she knows. She described the Flasher as a "friend" of Vespera's, but it's hard to believe that Vespera is even capable of friendship. Maybe they'll bring someone nice, or at least talkative (since nice is a little too much to hope for). It'd be nice to have some company that doesn't scare me to death. I mean, Dusk doesn't seem half bad, but he's usually with Fintan.

Fintan is weird, to say the least. I don't think he's completely sane. Sometimes I come into the meeting room (though I don't think there's any organized meetings anymore) and he's just staring into space. Or he's drunk, in which case I immediately leave. I don't want to deal with that.

I don't want to deal with any of them. I don't think anyone really knows what to do with me. So I've just been alone a lot. Feeling homesick. Trying to remind myself why I'm here.

### Entry 8

Day 10

Gisela said the new shade recruit is coming today! His name is apparently Adrian, and I'm pretty sure he goes to my school. I got paired with some kid named Adrian in a group project years ago. I don't remember if his name was Adrian with an a or Adrien with an e. I think it was a? Whatever, it's not important.

Anyway, he's a shade, and he's supposed to have a role in whatever's gonna happen to me. He'll probably be here soon.

I just heard conversation, I think he's here now. Gonna go try to talk to him.

Okay, so he went off to see Fintan I guess. He joined the Neverseen completely willingly. And he's under the impression that Fintan's really cool. He's gonna be super disappointed. Because I think

I don't remember how I was gonna finish that thought, but oh well. Adrian came in and asked me stuff about the mental hospital and Kai. We ran out of things to talk about so he kinda just left. It was awkward.

### Entry 9

Day 11

So i found out his name is actually with an e and not an a. Adrien.

Vespera said she was gonna do another "empathy exercise" with her, which scared me a lot, but it was just focusing on emotions. See, that's normal. Vespera didn't seem to want to do any of it, but Gisela told her to "start small." Because obviously she was not doing that before. Prime sources, everyone here is insane. I really miss Hollis. ~~I'd give anything to see him again.~~

Ignore that bit.

### Entry 10

Day 14

Two weeks spent with an illegal insane organization!!! Not something I'd ever thought I'd do. But okay. I'm glad I've been keeping track of the days. Otherwise they'd all blur together, I think.

The empathy exercises have been getting a bit more intense. Well, Vespera is a very intense person in general. But. it's not just focusing on feelings anymore. Weirdly enough, when she was holding my hands (it was part of the exercise okay) I didn't feel anything. Other than her hands being cold. And some sort of dull pain. But othere than that, no emotions. No matter what I said. She really is numb.

And that's what Lady Gisela wants to do to me, ~~I think.~~ I know. Vespera said it. I don't want to feel like that. I just want things to be back to normal again I don't know what I'm doing here I don't want to be here! I want to go home. Vespera also said whatever's gonna happen with Adrien and this mystery flasher is going to hurt very very much. I don't want to do that.