Lincoln Li-Wilson

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## Lincoln Li-Wilson

### Aliases

"Link"
Boss Kicks

### Relatives

Darryl Wilson (adoptive grandfather)
Grant Wilson
Marco Li

### Affiliation

D.A.D.D.I.E.S.
Scary Marlowe
Normal Oak
Taylor Swift
Hermie the Unworthy
"Dood"

## Appearances

### Overview

Lincoln Li-Wilson is a schooled-at-home sports kid who was sheltered for most of his childhood. He’s the protective paladin of the group.

## Personality

Link starts out as a well-meaning, if a bit naive, teenager. He is initially very gullible and shies away from real violence, feeling incredibly guilty when he accidentally causes the death of a paramedic in Episode 2. His main role, as the "protective paladin," was to keep his teammates safe and happy, attempting to diffuse conflict as it came up. This is likely due to his background as a sheltered, homeschooled kid - the teens were his first "friends," and his naivety as to the real world led him to become attached incredibly quickly.

As the season progresses, Link becomes increasingly pessimistic, especially after Scary's betrayal and learning the truth about his adoptive father, Grant. He disowns both his dads, adopting the surname "Kicks" in place of "Li-Wilson," and begins to express the idea that feeling nothingness was better than feeling negative emotions. He shows signs of depression, and a complete lack of positivity he once had, although he still deeply cares for his friends/spouses.

## History

### Birth

In Episode 43, it's revealed that Lincoln was rescued as a baby from the sinking Titanic by his adoptive fathers after they were sent back in time by Scam Likely. This was a reference to the actual Titanic's Unknown Child.

### Pre-Season

Lincoln has spent his entire life being incredibly sheltered by his fathers, being taught that honesty was more important than anything else and that the outside world was too dangerous for him to be out on his own, if at all. Most of his pre-season life and life at home was revealed through Teen Facts, which paint the picture that Link was never allowed to make his own connections as a child, and therefore attaches himself immediately to anyone he is able to connect to in any way, which were his fathers and a few of their adult friends.

### Early Season

His involvement with D.A.D.D.I.E.S. begins when he lands himself in detention on the first day of school after misunderstanding a urology assignment.

## Teen Facts

* Ep1: He is a year older than everyone because he was homeschooled. He finally convinced his dads to let him go to school so he could join the soccer team. He also played FIFA all the time with Grant, and only later realized soccer was a real sport.
* Ep2: He likes trains.
* Ep3: His favorite class in homeschool was PE (Personal Entertainment)
* Ep4: For the first 90 minutes after he wakes up, he doesn’t use his hands to do anything to ‘prime his body for the soccer field’.
* Ep5: He always has the same Halloween costume every year; his future self as a great soccer player. However, he always gets insecure about his costume, so Marco and Grant always dress up as his two biggest fans.
* Ep6: He started getting lonely when Marco and Grant began to take ballroom dance classes and leaving him alone at home. After a year, he started going with them, but isn’t really into ballroom dancing. He is a very good modern dancer, and does a little bit of jazz as well.
* Ep7: He needs white noise to fall asleep. He learned how to do sound recording to make his own white noise. The white noise consists of: the sound of a ball going into the net, of feet on grass. His alarm is a compilation of announcers screaming ‘GOAL!’ from his favorite goals in soccer.
* Ep8: He had a Usual Suspects moment where everything about Grant suddenly made sense. His favorite movies all have snipers in them, he was really bad at math but really good at predicting wind and the physics of objects falling very quickly.
* Ep9: His birthday is March 3rd. Every year his dads take him to Outback Steakhouse, and he gets to eat as many blooming onions as he wants, which usually ends up being half of one.
* Ep10: He does not believe in God. He dabbled in religion when Chelsea was in the championship, and when they lost and his favorite player broke his leg he decided that there either was no God, or he was cruel.
* Ep11: The one game other than soccer he enjoys is Bridge, but he and Grant aren’t allowed to play it with Marco anymore because they both get too intense and hurt his feelings.
* Ep12: His favorite smell is freshly cut lawn, because he and his dads mow the lawn together and it smells like everything he loves; soccer and family.
* Ep13: His favorite taste is steamed brussel sprouts, because he was told that they would make him strong. He’s also constipated all the time.
* Ep14: His favorite sound is the sound of silence in the house, when his dads have closed the door and he’s by himself.
* Ep15: His favorite feeling is being underneath his bed. He likes the cool ground, and can just relax and be calm under there. He also has two roombas that work in shifts (they are in love with each other).
* Ep16: His favorite thing to see is a tie between his dads hugging, and the surface tension of water.
* Ep17: His favorite pizza is whatever pizza he gets after a soccer game. It doesn’t matter what type of pizza it is, because he picks off all of the toppings.
* Ep18: His favorite place to go on vacation is Tent City, which is a collection of tents in his backyard.
* Ep19: His second choice job is to be a scientist. He was inspired by Kevin Costner from ‘Waterworld’, and wants to make pee into water.
* Ep20: He is not named after the dog that Grant lost, he is named after the actor Andrew Lincoln, because Marco had a crush on him.
* Ep21: His favorite sushi is a vegetable roll.
* Ep22: He hates cats. His family got a cat when he was 4, but he was cruel and mean to the cat, and was upset that the cat was getting attention, so Marco and Grant had to get rid of the cat.
* Ep23: His entire relationship with Darryl is based on the fact that they both think it’s funny that football means both football and soccer. This is the only thing they have in common.
* Ep24: All of his geography knowledge comes from which countries have participated in the World Cup. He knows exactly 80 countries, and believes that there are only 80 countries.
* Ep25: His New Year’s resolution is the same as it is every year; to not get sick, because he can’t train for soccer when sick, and he feels like a burden when his dads have to take care of him. He gets sick every January though.
* Ep26: He had to have grab bars installed in his shower because he kept practicing his kicks and falling down. He keeps asking for a pull-up bar, but his dads don’t think that’s a good idea.
* Ep27: His favorite animals are caterpillars. He likes them because they’re fuzzy, they’re content, they eat leaves, they don’t hurt anybody, and they don’t leave him (unlike butterflies, which fly away).
* Ep28: He makes his own Gatorade by combining Airborne, water, salt and food coloring. It is also what he was baptized in.
* Ep29: His best friend died when he was 8 years old. He was called Mr Kicks, and was his create-a-character on FIFA. The save file got corrupted during a transfer and was lost.
* Ep30: His favorite meal is brunch.
* Ep31: His favorite snack is chocolate covered espresso beans, and he doesn’t know he has been addicted to coffee. He does not like Charleston Chews.
* Ep32: Grant and Marco put bells on Lincoln’s bedroom door so that they knew when he was getting up in the middle of the night. He was getting up because he liked to sleep on the grass, because that’s where the soccer field is.
* Ep33: He hates reading. To try and get him to like reading, his dads let him watch a movie based on a book first. This led to him finding his favorite movie of all time: Garfield The Movie (2004).
* Ep34: His backup plan if he can’t become a Premier League soccer player is to be a Premier League soccer coach instead.
* Ep35: He has been married before (in the episode 2 simulation). During couples counseling, his partner told him that ‘if anything happens to me, I don’t ever want you to remarry’. They were going to apologize that night, but the simulation ended.
* Ep36: He wears contacts (soft contacts), and his eyes are very itchy right now because he hasn’t changed them in awhile.
* Ep37: He tried the AYSO once (or the American Foot Kids Association in this world), but both Marco and Grant got red cards and were kicked out of the game. In solidarity,  he kicked the ball really angrily and walked off with them. This got him a red card as well.
* Ep38: He still has a baby monitor in his room, so that he can say goodnight to his dads if he wakes up in the middle of the night. Now that he’s cut ties, he’s going to throw it away when he gets home.
* Ep39: Currently, he is a soft-spoken, polite to authority, person at school. At his last school (The Li-Wilson Family school for Cool Kids), he was quite the bad boy. He got detention all the time, because the first time he got in trouble Marco said ‘when a kid gets detention, what they really need is attention’. (He got detention every day because he wanted to go out and get lunch with his dads so they had to pay attention to him).
* Ep40: He’s changing his name to Lincoln M. Kicks in honor of the only person who ever cared about him when he was growing up and never betrayed him; Mr Kicks, his FIFA character.
* Ep41: His social network of choice is Nextdoor. He used it to give the neighbors warnings that he was going to be practicing soccer, because it might get a little bit rowdy if he scores a lot that day.
* Ep42: He’s going through a lot, and has changed his outlook of what he wants for the rest of his life. He doesn’t want to be a professional soccer player because ‘Boss Kicks doesn’t play soccer. Boss Kicks owns soccer teams’. His first step is to become really rich by becoming one of the best soccer players in the world.
* Ep43: He never learned anything about Titanic the movie, or the historical event of the Titanic. The only thing he knows is that Titanic is a synonym for large.
* Ep44: Even though he was homeschooled, his parents still did parent-teacher conferences, which was just Marco and Grant having dinner together while he could do whatever he wanted.
* Ep45: When he goes to the bathroom, he takes off all of his clothes and puts them in the laundry because they get dirty. Every time he goes to the bathroom, he puts on a new pair of clothes. He does not do his own laundry.
* Ep46: He was only allowed to play on the playground with other kids after he signed an NDA: a Near Dad Agreement. He had to be within 2 and a half feet of one of his dads while outside. They got rid of it when he started going to school this year.
* Ep47: The biggest lie he told his parents, and how he finally got into school, is after getting into a fight with his dads about going to school, he declared that he was going on a hunger strike until Grant agreed to let him go to school. The lie is that he had stashed food around the yard and was actually eating the whole time.
* Ep48: The worst thing he has ever done happened when Grant and Marco joined a homeschool group, and had three other kids come to their homeschool. He got so jealous of the other kids getting attention that he added laxatives to the other kids’ drinks.