If Planets Were People

***"Is it because I’m black?"* — Black, "If Colors Were People"**
This content has mature content that may not be intended for minors or it may be offensive.

**Note**: Jupiter wishes he would murder Pluto until he’s a big red spot on the floor. Meaning blood.
This page was last edited on December 11, 2023, at 17:51:07.

## If Planets Were People

The real reason why Pluto is no longer a planet...

### Director

Frank James

If Planets Were People is the eighth episode of If Things Were People.

## Plot

Mercury comes in and says he brought drinks. Venus says the place is very clean. Jupiter says he is the vacuum of the solar system. Mars says he has arrived. Earth tells everyone they are ready for the big game. Venus asks Earth how his rash is doing and Earth explains how it is. Neptune warns Mars that the humans will colonize him once they figure out how to get to him and Mars jokingly laughs. Mercury greets Uranus and Uranus tells him its (Ur-Naus) and tells Mercury he knows that. Neptune asks everyone if Pluto is invited. Everyone says no. Venus says if Pluto showed up he would be a transit out of here. Mars tells everyone that they are going to need a conversation with Pluto at some point. Neptune says they are not looking forward to that. Earth tells everyone the All-Star game is almost on and asks everyone to enjoy it. Earth then asks if the AC is off. Jupiter and Saturn whisper and ask if Earth is feeling good. Pluto then shows up in the planets’ room. Pluto says he lost the invite and says cell service is not good at the Kipper Belt. Pluto drinks a soda then soon spits it out and every planet becomes grossed out. Pluto says the drink is not his favorite. Neptune tells Pluto that the All-Star game is starting soon. Pluto then leaked the entire game and said Sagittarius United won. Every planet gets annoyed that Pluto spoiled the game. Mercury yells at Pluto and says he ruined the game for all of them. Pluto tells them the stars are far away and says the game toke millions of years ago but only getting now the TV theme. Mars asks Pluto how he found out who won. Pluto says Spacebook. Everyone gets shocked and say Spacebook. Pluto says there’s no point in watching the game and says they should play Monopoly. Uranus tells Pluto they don’t want to play the game. Pluto tells Uranus to quit complaining and says it’ll be fun. Uranus corrects him. Pluto then accidentally opens the box and drops all the money, pieces and board game. Pluto says Whoopsies. Jupiter whispers he will murder Pluto until he’s a red spot on the floor. Pluto asks Venus what’s wrong. Venus complains and Neptune tells Pluto he can hang out if he is quiet. Pluto says that in space you can’t hear sound and says it isn’t true. Pluto then screams and asks the planets if they could hear that. Venus says he can’t do this and says he is out. Saturn tells Venus to not go. Venus told everyone it’s either Pluto or him. Mars gets on the phone and starts calling someone. Pluto said he wrote a song and wants to sing it. Saturn says that’s depressing. Mars tells Pluto he’s out of the planet group. Mars asks someone to back him up. Neptune tells Earth he’s burning up. Earth says he’s fine and says it’s just gas. Jupiter tells Pluto he doesn’t fit in with the planets. Saturn tells Pluto that they’re telling this to him with peace and love. Pluto agrees he fits in and says he’s a planet. Neptune agrees with Pluto and says sort of. Venus tells Neptune to stop doing the behavior. Pluto tells everyone he orbits the sun like the planets and says he has mass like the planets. Earth says his moon is bigger than him. Saturn says half of the planets’ moons are bigger than Pluto. Pluto then mocks Saturn and says he sticks his moons in Uranus. Then the Astrophysicist comes in the room and Pluto asks who invited the guy. Mars tells Pluto it is an astrophysicist and says he has something to tell Pluto. Then the Astrophysicist tells Pluto he does not have the mass and a correct straight orbit line to be a planet. Mercury claims that’s what he always thought. Pluto gets sad and thinks he is saying that he’s not a planet. Venus agrees. Pluto says it’s crazy and claims after his skiing incident, he had a coma for 6 months and got brain damage and had to learn how to walk, talk and go to the bathroom all over again. Pluto says he doesn’t care what “Dr.Dongleberry” said about planets and says he knows he is a planet. Pluto then grabs his guitar and sings a song. Soon Earth says that they hate him Pluto. Everyone gets shocked. Neptune tells Earth to not be nasty. Earth claims he doesn’t have the luxury of not being nasty, he also says the humans have been putting toxic chemicals in his bloodstream and chopping down the forrest, he also says they tested a nuclear experiment on his butt and that he can’t sit down without a special cushion. Venus tells Earth he did not need to hear that. Earth tells Pluto he’s out and says his planet card is revoked and says he doesn’t wanna see Pluto’s “Monday to Friday” face ever again. Mars tells Pluto that they all feel the same way. All the other planets agree and say Pluto mustn’t be here. Pluto asks Neptune if he’s agreeing with them and Neptune sadly agrees. Pluto cries and Mars tells him the Astrophysics has a new group for him that he thinks will like. Which meant Pluto will go to the Dwarf Planets. The Astrophysicist tells Pluto he’ll fit great with the dwarf planets and tells him to follow him and says they’re looking forward to meeting him. Neptune cries while Pluto slowly leaves from the room. Pluto turns around and tells all the planets they can keep the Monopoly game, then Pluto walks away. Mars says they had to do it and Earth says good riddance. Neptune tells Earth to cool it and Earth says he can’t cool it. Jupiter tells everyone to have fun and can still enjoy the game. Neptune says he feels like going home. Earth says his icecaps are melting again. Mars says they need to bring Earth to a hospital. Earth then says he’s falling apart. Ending the episode.

## Characters

* Mercury
* Venus
* Earth
* Mars
* Jupiter
* Saturn
* Uranus
* Neptune
* Pluto
* Astrophysicist

## Trivia

* If Planets Were People might be the eighth episode due to their being 8 planets from the solar system. Hence the name.
* Even though this episode released in 2022, this episode possibly takes in 2006.