Mario

Mario doing his signature head-bang at a Rocker get-together.

Mario Mario is a Russian-American celebrity and plumber who lives in Brooklyn, New York with his brother Luigi. He's known for his amazing athletic abilities, his adventures to save Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom from the evil Bowser. He's also known for his legacy as a Rocker, rap artist, politician, and youtuber.

## History

### Early Life

Contrary to popular belief (and Mario's claims), Mario is not Italian. Born in Moscow, the capital of Russia, to Mama Mario and Papa Mario, Mario's future always looked bright. He had perfect health as a baby. About six months after his birth, the Mario family moved to Merica (At that time still known as America) because of their dislike of the Soviet Union. A year afterwards, Mario's younger brother, Luigi Mario, was born but then he was murdered.

### Careers

Mario wasn't sure what he wanted to be when he grew up. He experimented with many odd jobs after he graduated. His first job was as a carpenter. In this time, he was strolling down a street when he saw that a gorilla who had escaped from the circus holding a woman captive on top of a construction site. Seeing that nobody was doing anything, he jumped into action and rescued the woman. Her name was Pauline. After this, Mario and her started dating.

Mario's many positions include a carpenter, circus manager, hockey player, soldier, cement factory owner, juggler, fireman, gas station employee, golfer, demolition site worker, doctor, and a boxing referee. Finally, after a year of searching for a job he liked, Mario settled on plumbing when his brother invited him to work for him in his plumbing service. Mario was exceedingly talented at this, so much so that Luigi let Mario take over as manager, thus founding Mario Bros. Plumbing. However, after another year, one fateful day at work in the sewers would change Mario's life forever.

### The Mushroom Kingdom

One cold February morning, the Mario Bros. received a call for their plumbing service saying that not only were the customer's pipes broken, their sewage system was infested by giant turtles, crabs, and flies! Mario and Luigi spent hours in the pipes fending off hoards of monsters until finally they reached the origin: A magical pipe leading to another dimension, the Mushroom Kingdom.

When here, Mario and Luigi learned of a princess who had been kidnapped by an evil koopa king. They decided to save her themselves. After doing so, Mario stole all of the credit and acted as if Luigi hadn't been there. These actions were used to diagnose Mario with narcissism. He was praised as a hero and the brothers decided to stay in the Mushroom Kingdom a while. This time was extended over and over again each time Bowser kidnapped Peach. Mario and Peach developed a romantic relationship during this time. Six months after they had arrived, they decided that enough was enough and that they needed to visit their home again. However, when they got back, things were different. Their plumbing service had gone bankrupt. They were evicted from their apartment. The heartbroken Pauline broke up with Mario for abandoning her.

And so, they went back to saving a princess over and over again...

### Marriage and Divorce

After five years of this repetitive process of kidnappings, in 2010, Mario, age 25, proposed to Princess Peach. They were wed shortly after. At first, their marriage went great. Mario was announced King and the two ruled happily together. They also enjoyed playing many sports together. But slowly, it all fell apart. Mario and her were both self-centered, which clashed a lot. They also struggled to agree on political decisions for the kingdom. And when they had their son, Mario Jr., in 2012, fuel was added to the fire. They attempted to hold it together for the sake of their son, but in 2013, they decided to file a divorce. Mario, with emotional support from his brother, resigned from ruler ship and went back to Brooklyn, where he continued his past job as a plumber.

### Music Scene

In 2014, Mario pursued his interest in music, starting with his hit single, 'Do the Mario!'. It was an instant success, and was always being played on the radio. This ended up being a one-hit wonder when Mario quit because of the

   unreasonable demands of his producer, Tim Allen. Mario explored new genres, and soon came to love rock.

Then, Mario became a registered Rocker. He took part in many riots, gang fights with the opposing subculture, Mods, and Rocker Conventions. Luigi, trying to join Mario in his next phase, tried to become a Rocker, but was dubbed too uncool to be one. So, in a fit of rage, he became a Mod with approval from the current Mod boss, Link, who saw Luigi's mod future brightly.

    Soon, Mario and Luigi began to fight. They avoided each other at home. Their rivalry boiled and boiled. One day, in a planned gang fight between Mods and Rockers, Mario and Luigi were forced to fight each other. However, before the fight even started, Luigi stubbed his toe. Mario immediately came to help him. In an interview later, Mario said about the event, "It really put things in prespective. I couldn't believe what we had become." Mario then took Luigi to the hospital. However, this would mark the end of his Rocker days. The next day, Rocky Raccoon, the Rocker leader, told Mario that if he was going to put his family before his gang, he would have to be banned.

### As a Celebrity

    In 2015, Mario decided to become a DJ, so he could take part in a less violent subculture. He took on the title 'DJ Mambo Man'. He was very successful. This, coupled with his Rocker influence, his past musical achievement, and his exploits in the Mushroom Kingdom, he became very famous. His Twitter account has amassed millions of followers.

Mario also tried out rapping as 'Mr. Mambo Man'. His songs were also quite popular. Some of his best include 'Welcome to Warp Zone!', 'Another Castle', and 'Push Button B'.

    That same year, Mario started to release all sorts of merchandise of himself. He became an icon to rival the likes of Hello Kitty and Mickey Mouse. Mario cookies especially were a huge success.

    Mario decided to try vlogging on Twitter and Youtube with his brother Luigi. The blogs were about their daily life, crazy vacations and pranks, and more. He became one of the most successful Youtubers of all time. It was quite popular, but his success ended when he vlogged about his trip to Japan.

### 2016 Election

In 2016, Mario decided to run for president.

    He ran in a new party separate from Democrats and Republicans, the 'Mushroom Party'. He said he planned to make spaghetti more of a common food, and increase payment for plumbers. His campaign was very successful, but because he was part of a third party, he didn't really ever have a chance. The final two candidates were Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. After Donald Trump won, the Dark Ages of America started, and the country was soon renamed to Merica.

### Hipster Days

    After Mario lost, he was heartbroken, despite the fervent reminders from his brother that he really couldn't win as a third party. He gained a pessimistic outlook on life and became a hipster. His Twitter account became a place for him to vent his depression. He took on a new image with a plaid shirt, a striped jacket, polka-dot jean shorts, and baseball cap version of his usual hat. He also wore clown shoes. Truly, he became an icon of worship for all hipsters.

### Later Life

After Mario became a hipster icon he faced major depression problems. In 2018 especially, he was having flashbacks to when he was trapped in a painting and to his typing classes. His failure to teach typing made him feel useless. He was always losing to Luigi in go karts. He started taking Mushrooms. This lead to an overdose that sent him to the hospital in 2020. He learned later that because of the overdose his legs were useless. His one single defining feature, his abnormally strong jump, capable of crushing turtle shells and flattening his enemies was now also useless. The doctors also informed him that he had suffered major brain trauma from smashing all of those bricks and getting beaten to a pulp by high speed collisions with walls while go carting. Mario, now being useless, reflected on his life by creating a cartoon that romanticized his adventures. After this, age 35, he passed away peacefully. Unfortunately, he was unable to see the way people reacted when the first episode was aired. Luigi also fell under bad times shortly after Mario’s demise. He became addicted to mushrooms and flowers. He spent his days smoking mushrooms and playing go kart. Luigi recovered from this much later when he married Princess Daisy.

## Family

The Mario Family is known to be one of the largest and most diverse and confusing family trees of all time. Although Mario's close relatives are easily recognizable (Luigi, Mama Mario, Papa Mario, Grand Dad, Wario, Waluigi, and Giuseppe), many other 'Mario Brothers' exist. So many relatives of all relations have claimed to be the almost mythical role of Mario's 'third brother' that a complicated system had to be created to determine an official list of brothers.

### Parents

Mario's parents, though the guardians of one of the most well-known celebrities in the world, are quite mysterious. They never wanted to take interviews of any sort. Of the two, the most is known of Papa Mario.

Papa Mario, also known as Popcorn and Mr. Mario, is Mario's father. He was known to be a successful barber and later plumber, having taught Mario everything he knows about plumbing. He consistently wore blue overalls with a yellow shirt.

### Brothers

Mario only has two *true* brothers. Others who fit on the official list are all adopted, half brothers, cousins of all sorts, and more bizarre relatives. One brother, of course, is Luigi. The other is widely overlooked and forgotten, a chap named Giuseppe. Giuseppe was born quite a bit after his two siblings and was his parents' openly least favorite of the trio. He never went on big adventures or even tried to be a plumber. Because of this, many people didn't even know of his existence until a subtle remark from Mario referencing his 'two brothers'. However, Giuseppe grew up to be an extremely successful Doctor who made many medical discoveries.

### Other Close Relatives

Other close relatives include Mario's cousins, including the Wario Bros., his grandparents, aunts and uncles, and more. The most notable include the aforementioned Wario and Waluigi, Stanley the Bugman, and Grand Dad.

### Official List of Mario Brothers

As said before, many of Mario's relatives wanted to get in on his fame, resulting in many claiming to be the 'third Mario bro'. So, a system was made to decide who is an official Mario Brother. The rules are very complicated and the list is very long. The document can be found here.