Wish You Were Here

Wish You Were Here is the first chapter in the Wombles Five.

Freckles poked her head over the edge of her basket.  She yawned and came out.  It was morning.  The lights came on one by one.

Steed and Cathy talked as they had breakfast.  “Will anything normal happen here?”  asked Cathy. “Well obviously” replied Steed. “What I meant by that is will anything weird happen here?”  “You’re repeating something Mrs Peel said.”  Cathy immediately stopped.

Thomas and Lucy started crying.  “I thought you said you could now constantly make purple serum.” Said Cathy.  “We can’t here” replied Steed.  “Why not?”  “Because of how to make it”  “How do you make it?”  “Never mind” “Why won’t you tell me?  Is it some kind of secret?”  “Yes, it is.”  “From everyone?”  “No, just from you”  “What? Why?”  “Because if I tell you then I’ll probably end up in prison.”  Cathy blinked.  “Don’t worry, I won’t arrest you… I don’t think.”  Steed sighed.  “I suppose I’ll tell you why you would arrest me.  The reason we could constantly make it was because of those people I killed then when I came back you told me I was evil.”  “What?  Well… in that case I will never let you make it again.”  “But…”  “But nothing John.  I am not going to let lots of innocent people get killed just so that Thomas and Lucy can be adults.”  “Oh alright.”

All of a sudden there was a knock on the door.  Cathy answered and got thrown on the floor.  Steed picked her up and went to the door.  “Mrs Peel, *what* are you doing here?” he said.  “I couldn’t bare it without you there” replied Mrs Peel.  “So, I’m staying at the holiday place next door.”  “Oh” said Steed.  “But why are you at the door of this place?”  “I just wanted to see you.” Replied Mrs Peel, coming in, and throwing Cathy on the floor again.  Cathy got up and said, “Will you stop that?”  “No” replied Mrs Peel and threw her on the floor for a third time.  She got up and threw Mrs Peel on the floor then picked her up then threw her on the floor then picked her up then threw her on the floor then picked her up then threw her on the floor over and over and over.

Eventually Steed said, “Can you please stop throwing her about now?” and Cathy chucked Mrs Peel out the house.  Literally! She landed in the road and got run over. She now had to explain to the driver why she didn’t die.

She was talking away to driver then noticed it was Tara.  “Have you found them?” she asked.  “Yes, I have but we need Cathy out of the way.  She just won’t die.”  Tara gave Mrs Peel a package.  “Try this” she said.  Mrs Peel took the package back her holiday apartment.  She opened the package.  “Oh!” she said.

Cathy was watching The Avengers on TV when there was a knock on the door.  She took the knock off.  Then somebody rang the bell.  “John!” she called.  “Yes, my love!” he replied.  “Answer the door please, I’m watching The Avengers.”  “OK” he said.  Then he said “Oh!”

The bell rang at Mrs Peel’s apartment.  She answered it and saw Tara.  “Well?” asked Tara.  “Well what?” asked Mrs Peel “and please call me Emma, after all we are both going to marry him”.  “Did you deliver it?” asked Tara.  “Yes, Johnsie took it in the apartment” replied Mrs Peel.  “Oh!” said Tara.

The wombles at Hyde Park were sitting around a big table.  General Bulgaria was explaining the plan to capture the Wimbledon Common burrow from the Avengers.  “Any questions?” he asked.  “Just one General Sir!” said Captain Tomsk.  “Permission to speak” replied General Bulgaria whilst pushed toy soldiers around a big green board.  “What is this Sir?  It arrived at the door after manoeuvres today sir!” said Captain Tomsk clicking his heels and saluting.  General Bulgaria looked at the package.  “Thank you, Captain.  That is all. Quick, March!” shouted General Bulgaria. Captain Tomsk led the Wimbledon Platoon to the dormitory to rest before training at 0300 hours.

General Bulgaria opened the package in GBO.  “Oh!” he said.  At same time Steed his package to Cathy.  “Oh!” said Cathy.

“Who do you work for!” shouted Grandma to the fat man he had tied to a chair.  “The Avengers!” shouted the fat man.  “What is your name!” shouted Grandma.  “Mother!” shouted back the fat man.  “Mother is a slim, fast, fit man!  Who are you!” shouted Grandma even louder whilst slapping the fat man hard with package.  It so hard the package opened.  “Oh!” said Grandma.

“Excuse me but have you noticed that Thomas and Lucy are still crying?” said Cathy.  “Well Mrs Peel told me that I would make a terrible daddy when there was something nasty in the nursery.” Replied Steed.  “Don’t believe everything *she* says!”  Cathy picked up Lucy and rocked her.  She started to stop crying.  “You’re getting better” said Steed.  “At what?” “At being a Mother”  “I’m not being Mother.  Why would I do that?”  “No, not Mother, *a* Mother.”  Cathy finally understood.  Suddenly there was a knock at the door.  Bungo came in.  As soon as Bungo closed the door, something was slipped through the letterbox.  It said:

*Open the door again and say what you see.*

Steed opened the door. “Mr Chips” said Steed.  “That’s right!!!!” said Mr Chips, coming in. After that Mrs Peel arrived at the door again.  “Go away” said Cathy.  “You go away” replied Mrs Peel.  “But I’m staying here for a holiday!  You’re staying next door!”  Mrs Peel sighed and said, “Anyway I came to offer you, Johnsie, some shockalats.” “What on earth are shockalats?” asked Cathy.  “Chocolates” explained Steed.  “Well why is she calling them shockalats?”  “She always does, I don’t know why.”  “That’s ridiculous!”  “I am not ridiculous, you are!” said Mrs Peel.  “No you are!”  “No you are!” “No you are!”  Mrs Peel grumpily went away.

“Why are you here?  Eh Bungo?” said Cathy testily.  “Second thoughts don’t answer.  I have had the first the Avengers episodes today ruined by interruptions and the next is about to start.”  Bungo got the hint he sat with Cathy watching the Avengers.  Steed took Thomas and Lucy out in their buggy along the seafront.

“Bungo?” said Cathy. “Yes, do you want to know why I’ve interrupted your holiday?” he replied.  “No” said Cathy.  “That episode of the Avengers.  Was that Mrs Peel in it?” she asked.  “Yes” said Bungo.  “And was John in it?” Cathy continued.  “Yes” said Bungo.  Mrs Peel came to the door again.  “Mrs Peel! We are on holiday!  Leave us alone you idiot!” shouted Cathy.  “And tell me why you were in the Avengers TV show! It’s not even real!” she continued.

“Excuse me!” shouted Bungo. “Yes” replied Cathy whilst slapping Mrs Peel to the pavement and slamming the door.  “I came to tell you that Mother is In big trouble!  He is very fat again and Grandma thinks he is a spy!” blurted out Bungo.  “Oh Bungo!” said Cathy.  “You disturbed us for THAT!” said Cathy condescendingly.  “Just help him escape, try to kill him and give him brandy! Here Gooseberry Brandy XL!” said Cathy in a better mood.  “Thanks” said Bungo and headed back to London in his brand new Bungomobile.

Steed came back running over the unconscious Mrs Peel as he rolled the pram back in.  “Their asleep!” he whispered.  It was getting late so they went to bed while the twins let them.