Dr.Phil

## The Good Doctor Phil

Dr.Phil (also known as The Good Doctor, Slarth Hideous real name Philliam Clawvin McClaw) is one of the most powerful entities in the hydrosphere and a Lorby Officer. He has traversed every Ocean, even the Deepest One, and even ventured forth onto which only Slaridar had tread. There is no swim he hath not swam; there is no subhuman that The Good Doctor cannot lay down the claw upon.

Dr. Phil is most famous laying the claw upon Mountain Doo and it's most heinous creator.... Mario Salarmo. He has also enacted strict quarantines on Dew Leakages and defenestrated 5 Dew Ambassadors to Lorby. Dr.Phil also relentlessly punishes any non lorbist who crosses his path.

Dr Phil is also known for his rivalry with fellow Officer of Lorby Mikhail Zeegurke. Despite the two working for the the Crab Lord, their difference in methods ultimately lead to conflict even in pursuit of the same Goal. They fight frequently; their clashes are so violent and vitriolic that any bystanders are simply annihilated, even low level lorbians. The only one to witness a duel between them and live to tell the tale is the Sloppy Toppy Bandit.

### Slaridar's Gifts: Lorby's blessings: The Dew

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Dr.Phil recieved numerous gifts due to being Slaridar's child. He has inherited Slaridar's wealth of Legs, as well as Guardian Sprint. As he sprung forth from Slaridar, he too is clawborn. This grants him minor resistance to poisons and diseases fatal to Scallywags such as the Zeelegs. This also denies him the Euphoria of the Zeeleggen, thus making it a miserable experience. Lorby also taught many dark arts to his apprentice Slarth Hideous. His putrid yellow mayo, which he was born with, was further putrified to devastating effect.

Philliam's experimentation with the Dew has resulted in powerful ulterior forms. He is known to be able to go "Code Chernobyl" which results in a tenfold increase in his power and mobility and a significant increase in his Claw stat. It is also believed he has other "Codes" such as "Code Yellow" and "Code white", but this is just speculation.

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## Dr.Philliam's Early Life

### Childhood

The Good Doctor was born from Slaridar's bossom. He spewed forth initially as a putrid yellow mayo that oozed out of Slaridar's Finus. Slaridar, upon giving birth to Philliam, put him in his mouth and then spat him out against the wall. Slaridar's Slavliva gave Philliam the strength to survive not only the wall, but also the Claw. Just like his Father, Philliam was able to Guardian Sprit quickly and enforce the Claw. Lorby, seeing his potential, took him as his apprentice, granting him the title "Slarth Hideous." From then on, he received tutorage from Lorby himself, much like Zeegurke.

#### The Pit of Malice

Lorby introduced his two apprentices to each other. Zeegurke, Pitlord and Zeelegger, found Dr.Phil absolutely degenerate as he dripped of yellow mayo. He also resented him because Lorby gave Dr.Phil a sith title, despite Zeegurke being Lorby's first apprentice. It is unknown why Lorby appeared to show preference for Dr.Phil.

Zeegurke, soon after, confronted Dr.Phil in Jizzingham. Zeegurke yelled at Dr.Phil. stating, "*You will not take Lorby from me!*" to which Dr.Phil replied "*You have done that yourself*." Zeegurke then said "*If you're not with me, then you're my Benchud*." Dr.Phil said "Only a badhoo deals in absolutes."

The Good Doctor used level 3 Guardian Sprint, but alas he was rooted in place by the nefarious Pit of Malice, despite it only being level 1. Zeegurke's mastery of the Pit stopped Phil from running away from Zeegurke's backhand. Zeegurke gave Dr.Phil Crabaids. Dr.Phil is clawborn, born of Slaridar, Crabaids is a nonlethal disease for the Clawborn, but Dr.Phil still immensely suffered for weeks in the Walmart Bathrooms by vomiting in the toilets and clogging them with Paper Towels and Chum. Dr.Phil, weakened by disease and defeated in the physical fight was able to coat Zeegurke in a foul yellow mayo slime. It made Zeegurke smell like an indian village and prevented him from leaving the pit for weeks. Dr.Phil now vowed to get revenge upon Zeegurke, and they have hence dueled many times. It is also believed that this painful experience drove Slarth Hideous to pursue the Dew.

## The Dew, The Doo, and The DUDE

Immediately after the loss against Zeegurke, Slarth Hideous immediately sought out more sources of power. He trained his Mayo until it he could make it white enough to fight. However, this was not enough. So he contacted Mountain Dew. The CEO of Mountain Dew of the time was friendly to Lorby and his ilk, so Slarth Hideous was given an official position in the company and a paycheck of Ten Salty Baja Blasts per Hydrocycle. However, he was too powerful to be in the Dew Headquarters, as his mayo essence my damage the machinery. Thus, he was assigned an ambassador as an intermediary. However, the ambassadors were often displeasing to Slarth Hideous, being unclawborn and scallywags. Thus, five of them were defenestrated from the window to the wall. Phil only stopped when the new anti Lorbist CEO converted to lorbism and granted him access to the Dew's purer elements. Dr. Phil is known for using Dew Chernobyl while he trains for the rematch.

Dr.Phil's most notorious case relating to the Dew is the Doo arc. During his time in Dew's secret labs with the Gay Albino Scientists, they noticed the fake Mountain Doo and its cyanide contents. Dr.Phil rightfully suspected that foul play was afoot and was especially angry for he did not drink the Dew just for the exquisite flavor but for the power it provided. Thus, he headed to the Mexican Ghetto where he knew he would find the Señor responsiblé for such foul filth. And in the nick of time, Dr.Phill is able to stop the mastermind Mario Salarmo from converting the victims into Ginger Headed Fucks with a Jew Jitsu move "Crab on, Crab off."

Dr. Phil charged Mario with 3.7 counts of breaking the claw as well as 271 counts of using subhumans to help promote subhumanish things. Mario also got bitchslapped by Dr. Phil's powerful mayo-covered hands for not being a Lorbist.

Before shoving Mario back into his disease-filled jalapeño, Dr. Phil asked Mario if he had any last words. Mario replied with, "*Come on, man*" in the nastiest Mexican accent possible.

The Hydrosphere was so grateful for Mario's deportation that Dr.Phil recieved 15 shekels from the bank and even Zeegurke burned down Mario's shed.

After defeating the bad dude Mario Salarmo, it is known that Dr.Phil mastered "Dew Release: Chernobyl", a technique that turns him and his mayo purple, in addition to amplifying his strength and giving him Hoodvision.

### Dew It

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Slarth Hideous, in anticipation for his final rematch with Zeegurke, has decided to Dew it. Deep within the vietnam tunnels that connect every Dew Location, he has set up his own Lab. It is unknown to even those at Dew HQ what wretched experiments go on deep in the Cthonic realm. However, he is frequently seen outside of Dew HQ either purple or yellow, typically laying the claw upon a jaywalker via smashing of their kneecaps. In such a state, he is often irately yelling to all who pass by, saying things such as "*RESPECT THE CLAW!"* and "*I AM THE CLAW."* He has also stated on numerous times that he is "*about to go Code Yellow*", but it is unknown what this means. What is universal, however, is that after these rampages upon jaywalkers and heretics, he takes his rampage south to Mexico. It is unknown why Dr.Phil does this, as by then his speech capabilities are reduced to gurgling the claw. However, it is believed by some that this is in an attempt to remind the locals what happens to those that Doo it instead of Dew it.

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#### Trivia:

Dr.Phil is great friends with the Great Zulu Warrior.

Dr.Phil has been to the Mongoloid Capital

You wouldn't like him when he's Hungry

Dr. Phil gifted Derek The DInosaur 12 Mayo Pumps minimum