No Vagrancy

**No Vagrancy** is the eighth episode of the first series of The Osbournes. It originally aired on the April 23, 2002.

## Summary

Jack invites his friend Jason Dill, a professional skateboarder, to stay at the house after he is kicked out of the home of yet another of his friends. Ozzy and Sharon are more than a little put off by the fact that Jack just lets Dill come over without telling them, let alone asking for permission. Dill is obnoxious and slovenly, and creeps out Ozzy and others with his habit of always scratching his head. Dill also smokes and drinks a lot, and Sharon is annoyed to find a bottle of Jack Daniels with his belongings. She decides that she is going to urinate in the bottle, but Kelly pleads with her not to do this.

Dill accidentally starts a fire in the kitchen, doing damage to a pan and the stove top. Jack is irritated by the fact that Dill is the only one who doesn't seem to be helping clean up the mess, although Dill points out that he would only make things worse. Ozzy and Sharon finally persuade Jack to ask Dill to leave the house. Jack is upset when Sharon and Ozzy give away Lola because she keeps leaving horrific messes around the house. Jack tries to make arrangements to spend time with the dog on weekends, but Ozzy finally agrees to let Lola come back to the house, provided that Jack looks after her.

## Memorable Quotes

"*You have to be a fucking rocket scientist to turn the fucking DVD on.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*I met Jason Dill a while back, he's a professional skater meaning he makes his own shirts and stuff. He's some golden god in Japan, that's kinda fine.*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*I don't know, he may be working for me, how the fuck do I know how thing run round here.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Is this a permanent fucking solution situation? And if so, I want fucking rent.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Listen Jack. This house has cost me a shitload. She demolishes my bed, she chews my furniture. It's not on babe.*"
— Ozzy about Lola

"*I don't mine a little fucking Pomeranian turd, but when that fucking bulldog unloads, you've gotta get an earth mover and a fucking gas mask to go in the kitchen. It's like plutonium turds!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Oh Jack has called me and had a go about me about the dog.*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*You have serous fucking anger issues!*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*I'm the voice of reason!*"
— Jason Dill

"*What the fuck is the time! Well, put a sock in your mouth okay!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*You know what I don't understand about mum and dad, though. They said "when we move into the new house you can have as many friends over as you want over, it's alright" blah,blah,blah,blah,blah. Then when we move into out house they're like "NO FRIENDS! BE QUIET!"* "
— Kelly Osbourne

"*You know why he does it?! There's a mirror and he can watch himself shit!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*MUM ARE YOU NUTS?! She's pissing in the bottle...DON'T YOU DARE MUM!*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*If you tell him, I'll kill you!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*MUM! DON'T DO THAT! THAT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING! STOP IT!*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*It is disgusting mum! It's just as bad as when you shit in dad's bag of weed when we went to Hawaii*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*I like to cook here, they've got nice stuff here. That is if I'm not setting fire to timers here.*"
— Jason Dill

"*Why are we cleaning this, why isn't Dill?*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*Ozzy doesn't remember me, every time we meet he's like "Nice to meet you!" It's fine with me.*"
— Jason Dill

"*I'll go get Lola back. But as soon as you fuck up! And don't take full responsibility of the dog. The dog has to go!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*That's not acceptable behaviour for me. If it turns around and goes in his fucking eye. We're all fucked!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*I'mma fucking pro skateboarder man, don't talk down to me!*"
— Jason Dill

## Trivia

* This is the first appearance of Jason Dill.