Minimum Rage Part 3

> "*Febreeze is kind of like the holy water of the drag world.*"
> ― Bootsy
>
>

**Minimum Rage Part 3** is the third and final part of the Queens of Adventure crossdress-over appearance on the One Shot Podcast. In it the queens attempt to prevent eldritch sea horrors from ruining their pageant.

## Synopsis

The episode opens as Bootsy, in the bathroom, has partially cured a burly sailor who had been possessed. While doing a bit of the electric slide, she kisses him several times to counter-seduce him. At last he feels safe. Bootsy sprays the mirror (which showed her a bad alternate world) with her perfumed Febreeze bottle.

Up front, Bunny is checking in acts and Whiskey gives them drink tickets at the bar. Some of the pageant entry queens are monsters. Due to the high volume of people, Bunny's instincts fail her and she can't tell a possessed sailor manages to get in and heads to the bar. Whiskey is dashing back and forth but does notice the sailor slip by Bunny and sit at the bar. Recalling the rituals from Mable, she turns up some feminine music on her boombox and offers him a Pink Pussy drink to try and counter his toxic masculinity. He knocks it over.

Whiskey leans on the bar to intimidate him. Undeterred, he picks up a chair to throw it at her. Bunny, finished with check ins, uses her microphone to lasso the sailor. She throws him against a wall but it pushes him through a window (next to another already boarded up).

The wind outside brings the booming voice of the hooded figure demanding the book. Whiskey tries to get the pageant queens to rehearse their numbers to try and bring some purifying energy from their performances, but instead the queens clash and fight over the space. Bootsy comes out of the bathroom with the young man, and tries to regain some order. She passes the former sailor to the pageant girls and tells them he is their new stage kitten and to take care of him.

Bootsy notices salt water is dripping from the ceiling. She grabs some of their new vinyl sponsor banners and heads to the roof to patch the roof (and advertise at the same time). There she finds the hooded figure standing in a rainstorm that only falls onto the roof. Bootsy pirouettes around, humming a song, and spritzing febreeze while trying to ignore the figure.

Bunny finishes boarding up the window, and tries to get the queens to their stations for final preparations. It doesn't go well. Meanwhile, people begin to pound down the doors, including the hole to hell for their supernatural guests, demanding entry. Bunny grabs their Stage Kitten and puts him on a chair ontop of the trapdoor over the hell hole to weigh it down and intimidates the talent to protect him. The door breaks down, and it is a bunch of gray pallor-ed sailors, not regular patrons. Bunny grabs a bunch of them and rolls them down the bowling lane.

Up on the roof, the Hooded Figure tries to offer Bootsy her desires. The rain creates visions: One shows Bootsy running a rescue home for orphaned kittens and the other shows her as a successful singer/songwriter. He offers her the power to give her the power to conquer the forces keeping her from what she wants. Bootsy does a liturgical dance ritual as she rebuffs the offer. It causes the rain to peel away.

As the sailors storm the bar, Whiskey knows they need performance to cure this. She starts up a performance on top of the bar and other queens join in. Bunny has Tater play some back up music to help out. The performance is extremely stressful for Whiskey. A bottle flies at her head and as it hits her, she goes partially blind in one eye. However, the performance does cause ripples of color across the sailors. Bunny pushes through the crowd, twirling the microphones over her head. She clacks them together causing sparks that ignite the spilled alcohol in front of the bar, burning the sailors. However, Kracken tentacles (not that Kracken) come inside. Bunny lassos some sailors and pulls them into the flames.

On the roof, Bootsy decides to pour her perfumed febreeze into the pipes that feed the sprinkler system. Since she realizes that the hooded man is trying to show her masculine ways to achieve her goals, she decides to own her femininity - the one thing that will defeat him. He moves behind her and moves to grab her, but she, unconsenting to being touched, smacks his arms with her purse and dances away. She manages to spray the intake valve.

Downstairs, the fire triggers the sprinklers and the room is sprayed with the fresh, purifying smell. The creature takes a lot of pain from it.

Whiskey moves into a show stopping next number with all the other queens helping counter negative effects. Bunny lifts up the stage kitten to be a backup dancer and slowly makes him over. Removing him from the trap door releases the hell beings to join the number as the regular patrons start to enter for the pageant. Whiskey steps down from the bar, followed by the other queens. The fire responds, pushing into the room ahead of them, repelling the evil beings. Bootsy comes downstairs to join them and dubs the sailor he saved as the newest queen of their show "Angie New".

The patrons are confused but impressed by what turns into a great opening number for the show. The pageant then becomes a victory lap as the queens let their adrenaline carry them through the long show.

Afterwards as they clean up, Bunny welcomes Angie to the team, as they will need someone to help cover when Whiskey is out.

The ball return activates. First comes up a large empty tube, big enough for the book. They put the Dicronomicon inside and bowl it back down the lane to return it to Mother. Another tube pops out of the ball return, containing a thank you note from Mother and a gift: jewel encrusted reading glasses. Bunny puts them on.

That concludes the Minimum Rage One shot.

### Characters

#### Party

* Bootsy - theater queen - Butylene O'Kipple
* Bunsen "Bunny" Burner - beast - Matt Baume
* Whiskey Pickleback - lip sync assassin - Fraya Love

#### NPCs

* Salior/Stage Kitten/Angie New
* Pageant Queens
	+ Farah Fawcett Cousin It/Lashes
	+ Pointy Sisters
	+ Mutalene
	+ Medusa
* Hooded Figure
* Tater

#### Monsters/Enemies

* Posessed Sailors
* Kracken Tentacles

## Episode Notes

### Lore

* All drag queens in this world are used to fighting evil.
* The power of feminine music can counteract toxic masculinity's magic.

### Inspiration Earned

* The Pageant Queens in the form of drink tickets - given by Whiskey

### Memorable Quotes

* "Maybe it involves doing a tandem version of the electric slide." - "The Sexiest Song" - Bootsy and Whiskey Pickleback
* "It's 27 hours long. You get a performance from every single past winner and then command performances. Then every single category by said people who are part of the pageant. Then more performances. And then before the person is crowned, every single past winner gets on stage gets called by name. I've never done this before." - Fraya Love
* "I poured them a Pink Pussy but in fact they wanted a Blow Job." - Whiskey Pickleback
* "That's not how you get a pussy wet here, sir." - Whiskey Pickleback
* "All drag queens are familiar with having to fight the forces of evil, as we've established in this universe." - James D'Amato
* "You know you just clock a singer/songwriter just by looking at her." - Bootsy
* "Has anyone lit the bar on fire yet?" - "Well let's go with that!" - Bootsy and Bunny
* "There's no rhythm or flow with toxic masculinity." - DM James D'Amato
* "Are you sure that was Minimum Rage?" - Fraya Love

### References

* Febreeze
* Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends
* Julia Roberts
	+ Erin Brockovich
	+ Pretty Woman
* Coyote Ugly

### Name That Tune

* Electric Boogie (the Electric Slide) - Marcia Griffiths
* "I'm Every Women" - Chaka Khan
* "Angel" - Sarah McLaughlin
* "(Man) I Feel Like A Woman" - Shania Twain
* "Scuse Me" - Lizzo
* "I Am Woman" - Helen Reddy

## Behind the Queens

This is the final part of the One Shot cross over the Queens did as part of the Legendary Journey to the midwest in Fall of 2019. It contains several references to regular Queens of Adventure continuity, including Mutalene, Lashes, the Kracken and inspiration as drink tickets.

**The Party**: Bunsen "Bunny" Burner - Bootsy - Whiskey Pickleback
**Other**: Downtown - Electric Flames - One Shot Podcast - Interview with James D'Amato