Kelsey

"*A reality show with these two idiots!! I love it!!*"
―Kelsey, referring to Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett — Listen (file info)[src]
**Kelsey** is a fictional character in the 2012 South African comedy film *Mad Buddies*. She was portrayed by Tanit Phoenix.

## Biography

Kelsey was the famous producer of a reality television show titled *Buddies or Broke*. She was attending the wedding reception of Minister Silas Nda's daughter when two local men, Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett, suddenly destroyed the event in a racist brawl, which gave her the idea of putting the two in her own reality show.

Kelsey, along with Minister Nda, visited Boetie and Beast at the police station, charged the two with malicious property damage and peace disruption, and suggested that they both agree to some therapy. In addition, as punishment for their racist behavior, she informed the men that they have to walk all the way to Barrydale, Gauteng.

At the start of their road trip, Kelsey informed Boetie and Beast that they follow the rules and cross the finish line together as friends. She then gave the two some money, kissed them both on the cheek, wished them good luck and sent them on their way.

During the entire trip, Kelsey kept a close and careful watch on Boetie and Beast while filming them on camera from inside her TV production van as the two got into a series of very unfortunate mishaps.

It wasn't long before Boetie and Beast found out from a local newspaper article that Kelsey had been watching the two make monkeys of themselves while filming them, and had also been making a fortune since the beginning. So they lured her inside a small cabin shack and asked her to give them $1 million each in order to finish the trip they started.

During the conversation, Kelsey tried to make a deal with the two by offering them $50,000 each. But then the two got into a very heated argument, forcing Boetie to shoot Beast with a gun right in front of Kelsey. Boetie then accused her of lying to them and told her that she wouldn't pay them $1 million, making her admit to him that she was just bargaining. Suddenly, she was shocked to realize that Beast was only playing dead because the gun only contained blanks, and that she had been tricked by him and Boetie into giving them each $1 million.

Kelsey finally told Boetie and Beast that this whole thing had gone far enough. She decided to change the rules and then announced that from now on, this was a race and that whoever got to Barrydale and crossed the finish line first would win the $2 million prize. She then forced the two men to run as fast as they possibly could all the way to the finish line and win the prize.

Just as Boetie and Beast made it to Barrydale and crossed the finish line together as best friends, Kelsey happily announced that it was a tie, and that they had won the $2 million grand prize. She not only informed the two buddies that they would have to fight for her in order to claim her as the real prize, but also told them that they were too clever for her.

## Quotes

"*Minister, as a reality show, it is going to kick butt, I promise. And more to the point, it's going to work for essay tourism, and it's gonna work for you. Imagine how you're gonna impress the President. You'll be bringing black and white together in our rainbow nation. The most important thing they must not know is they are on television, and they must not know about the reality show.*"
―Kelsey to Minister Nda on her cellphone, referring to Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett — Listen (file info)[src]

"*You are a man of vision, sir.*"
―Kelsey to Minister Nda — Listen (file info)[src]

"*Nice pic. It was also on international television.*"
―Kelsey to Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett, referring to a photo that was shown in a newspaper article — Listen (file info)[src]

"*Yesterday, at the wedding reception of the daughter of the newly appointed Minister of tourism, Silas Nda, two local men, Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett, destroyed the event in a racist brawl. You're being charged with malicious damage to property and disrupting the peace.*"
―Kelsey to Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett, after reading the newspaper article — Listen (file info)[src]

"*So this is what you're going to do. You are going to walk from here to Gauteng together.*"
―Kelsey to Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett — Listen (file info)[src]

"*So you are going to walk together to prove that you can get along.*"
―Kelsey to Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett — Listen (file info)[src]

"*Would you rather stay here in jail?*"
―Kelsey to Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett, after being told by the two that they both hate each other — Listen (file info)[src]

"*Okay, boys. These are from our sponspors.*"
―Kelsey to Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett, referring to the jackets with microphones attached to them — Listen (file info)[src]

"*Okay. The rules. You may not catch a lift on anything. You have to walk. And you must stay away from all the major roads. This is a map of your route. I'm sure you'll find a picturesque.*"
―Kelsey to Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett, as she gives the two a road map — Listen (file info)[src]

"*Wallets and cellphones. Thank you. Thank you.*"
―Kelsey to Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett, as she tells them to hand over their wallets and cellphones — Listen (file info)[src]

"*Relax; this trip is on me.*"
―Kelsey to Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett — Listen (file info)[src]

"*Here's $200 each.*"
―Kesley to Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett, as she hands the two some money — Listen (file info)[src]

"*You have to cross the finish line together as friends. This is not a race. It's a test.*"
―Kelsey to Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett — Listen (file info)[src]

"*And we have got spies out there to make sure that the two of you do not cheat.*"
―Kelsey to Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett — Listen (file info)[src]

"*Well, you never know your luck. So we'll see you in Barrydale, Gauteng.*"
―Kelsey to Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett — Listen (file info)[src]

"*So good luck! Remember, this isn't a race. Bye! Well, go on.*"
―Kelsey to Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett, as she sends them on their road trip to Barrydale, Gauteng — Listen (file info)[src]

"*Well, are our heroes just too far gone to get over their cheap racist selves, or will they kiss and make up? And if anyone comes across Beast or Boetie, please play along. Do not let them know that they are being filmed or that you know who they are. This is South Africa's own heartbeat reality show,* Buddies or Broke*.*"
―Kelsey — Listen (file info)[src]

"*Hello, boys. I thought something like this might happen. Do you remember what I said... about the prize? And how you might just get lucky?*"
―Kelsey to Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett — Listen (file info)[src]

"*Life is so easy when you have the tools.*"
―Kelsey, after telling Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett to turn around and continue their journey — Listen (file info)[src]

"*Great news. Australia and ITV have just bought the show.*"
―Kelsey to a camera operator — Listen (file info)[src]

"*Minister, you can't pull the plug. This is the biggest thing on television!*"
―Kelsey to Minister Nda — Listen (file info)[src]

"*You know why the audience loves the show so much? Because they enjoy watching these two screwing each other over.*"
―Kelsey to her camera operator — Listen (file info)[src]

"*Camera three, I need you to get a note to those two monkeys.*"
―Kelsey to a third camera operator, referring to Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett — Listen (file info)[src]

"*Perfect ending to a perfect day.*"
―Kelsey — Listen (file info)[src]

"*All right, you people of Vaalbosch, it is your turn to miss* Buddies or Broke *for a little while. In case Beast or Boetie come in contact with the TV, we will be cutting transmission to your town until they leave.*"
―Kelsey to the people in the town of Vaalbosch who are watching the show on TV — Listen (file info)[src]