Introduction

## Original

Up until the episode EFFUSIVE, The Guide read this introduction at the start of every episode, where the [\*] is replaced by a different word every episode:

Hello and welcome to the Mistholme Museum of Mystery, Morbidity and Mortality. This audio tour guide will be your constant companion in your journey through the unknown and surreal.

As you approach our exhibits, the audio tour guide will provide you with information and insights into their nature and history.

Do not attempt to interact or communicate with the exhibits.

Do not attempt to interact or communicate with the audio tour guide. If you believe that the audio tour guide may be deviating from the intended tour program, please deposit your audio device in the nearest incinerator.

While the staff here at Mistholme Museum of Mystery Morbidity and Mortality do their absolute best to ensure the safety of all visitors, accidents can happen. The museum is not liable for any injury, death, or [\*] that may occur during your visit.

Enjoy your tour, and good luck.

## Current

This is the current intro read at the beginning of episodes:

Hello and welcome to the Mistholme Museum of Mystery, Morbidity and Mortality. This audio tour guide will be your constant companion in your journey through the unknown and surreal.

As you approach our exhibits, the audio tour guide will provide you with information and insights into their nature and history.

Do not attempt to interact or communicate with the exhibits.

Do not feel pressured to interact or communicate with the audio tour guide. If you believe that the audio tour guide may be deviating from the intended tour program, please consider adjusting your pre-conceived notions of what the intended tour program may be.

While the staff here at Mistholme Museum of Mystery Morbidity and Mortality do their absolute best to ensure the safety of all visitors, accidents can happen. The museum is not liable for any injury, death, or [\*] that may occur during your visit.

Enjoy your tour, and good luck.

## The Museum is not Liable for any Injury, Death, or...

* Bodily Posession
* Implosion
* Spaghettification
* Ego Death
* MegaDeath
* Defenestration
* Embiggening
* Twisted Eye Syndrome
* Keelhauling
* Subdermal Sunburn
* Feline HIV
* Inverted Fingernails
* Banana Peel-Related Injuries
* Disappointing Offspring
* Wild Variations in Tone
* Red Right-Handedness
* Cases of the Mondays
* Scarlet Letter Fever
* Rapid-Onset Entropy
* Existential Euphoria
* Overuse of the Passive Voice
* Intestinal Rearrangement
* Deus Ex Machina
* Freaky Friday-esque Body Swapping Shenanigans
* Unfortunate Stretching
* Bad Vibes
* Toxoplasmosis
* Unoriginal Podcast Ideas
* Poor Phone Service
* Museum-Based Audio Tours
* Gentrification
* Easter Island Head Syndrome
* Schoolgirl-Like Giggling
* Wacky Noodle-Arms
* Gig Economies
* High-Stakes Fiddle Contests
* Impulse Purchases
* Gradual Reductions in Comedic Content
* Klat Sdrawkcab Modnar
* ZANE REMIND ME TO PUT COUCH GAG HERE
* Intangible Prescences That Follow you Home
* Reminders of how Small and Insignificant your Existence Really Is
* Slow but Inevitable Decay
* Immersion-Breaking Patreon Plugs
* Jokerfication
* Consequences
* Low-Key Episodes Following on From Narrative Climaxes