The Reunion

A story of deceit.

Eleven fifty PM fell upon Cafe Kaperkele. The late Sunday hour had thinned the usual bustling crowd, leaving behind only a few patrons scattered throughout the cozy establishment. The air held a delicate scent of freshly brewed coffee, mixed with the faint aroma of sweet pastries that had long since found their way into satisfied bellies.

The lone barista, G, sat behind the counter. The soft glow of the warm lights above cast a gentle shadow over her as she read a rugged paperback novel titled “Pokój, w Którym Umarłem”, a relatively obscure Polish work she picked up from the nearby bookstore. Her hand pensively turned the page, afraid she might damage it further.

Booths stood at every side of the cafe, soft, plush armchairs and worn wooden tables that seated a few customers. Each seemed immersed in their own world. Some scrolled away on their phones, checking out Twitter. No. Sorry. “X” for the latest happenings.  Others stared blankly out the window, watching the occasional tricycle cab or car passing by as they sipped on their coffee.

Two women sat at one of the corner booths, Grim and Crosshair. They were clad in baggy t-shirts and sweatpants, as if they just got out of bed. Despite their appearance, they have been awake for the entire day and just finished a long maintenance session.  Crosshair was true to her word and bought Grim the blueberry cheesecake and dark-roast coffee after hours of experimenting with new features with her sniper rifle, a treat that Grim was all-smiles about. Crosshair on the other hand was just drinking a cup of latte, G’s specialty. The sniper observed Grim nom on the cheesecake with gusto, but with such formal fork movements, she thought they were at a 5 star restaurant. A small smile crossed her face as she enjoyed her own cup of coffee. A smile that immediately turned sour.

“Agnote and Bergmann, Just who I needed!”

A tall man with messy black hair clad in the black and white Snake Suit, barged into the cafe and was not at their table. He brought with him the smell of Red horse beer, and desperation from what Crosshair could detect. She greeted him with a mildly-annoyed frown. Grim swallowed a forkful of cheesecake before looking up at the man with her usual stoic expression.

“Can we help you, Tom?”

“I need one of you to pretend to be my wife.”

“No.”

Crosshair immediately glared at Tom. It was one of the stupidest things she heard in a while, she thought.  He paid little attention to the stinkeye she was giving him, already used to the not-so warm reception from Unit 9’s resident sniper.

“I just need one of you to pretend to be my wife tomorrow night at my high school reunion and impress my batchmates. Nothing weird or sexual. You just have to be my hypewoman of sorts. My hypewife.”

“This is beyond our scope. So no.”

Many things are within her scope,  sniping from 4 kilometers, fancy trickshots, keeping overwatch at a birthday party, but acting as a married couple with a rich weirdo was not one of them. She threw a glance at Grim, hoping to gauge her thoughts on this, but her bespectacled friend ate her cheesecake with silence, listening intently.

“Why don’t you just hire Unit 6 for this? It’s right up their alley.”

Crosshair said, baffled. Tom shook his head vehemently, as if she asked the most baffling question.

“You have any idea how much they’ll charge me for a job like this? I’m not exactly on good terms with them.”

“I wonder why?”

Grim said, her sarcasm was getting better by the year. She briefly recalled reading the organizational news about Tomfrom the Corporate Division getting in trouble for dragging out a contract with Unit 6. Tom caught onto this and immediately interjected.

“I’ll pay 75k. It’s just one night.”

“You’re willing to spend that much just to impress your classmates?”

A condescending smirk appeared on his face, directed at Crosshair.

“That’s right, you Bad Batchers didn’t even go to high school, right? That’s why you’re not getting it. I have a reputation to protect, I have to be successful in the eyes of the sleepers. You wouldn’t understand this sort of thing. Both of you are attractive enough physically, and if you do as I say, you don’t have to worry about having an attractive personality around my classmates.“

Crosshair clenched her fist, insulted at the notion of this man stating that they’re uneducated. Or at least that’s what she got from his little tirade. Before she could say anything, Grim spoke up after wiping her mouth with a tissue.

“I actually went to Schule Schloss Salem when I was younger.”

She said, in a matter-of-fact way. No sass, just correcting him factually.  In his drunken state, Tom thought she just said something in German and it flew right above his head.

“Go bother someone else. Your schoolyard rep is not Snake Tong business, so again, I don’t see why you’re asking us.”

His unwaveringly drunk smug turned serious all of the sudden before he stepped back and faced away from the two.

“I thought Unit 9 were experts in unconventional operations. Guess I was wrong. You can’t trust what they say about you people these days-”

“Sir. If you’re bothering my customers, I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

G’s voice shuddered a bit, but she called Tom out from the counter, trying to sound stern and professional.

“Silence, barista!”

His shout echoed across the cafe.  G retreated back to her book after she flashed Crosshair a quick look of apology. Clearly she held no authority over him.

“100k.”

Grim suddenly interjected, causing Tom to turn back towards her with surprise. He quickly composed himself and fired back.

“90k!”

“150.”

“125!”

“170K”

“DEAL!”

Crosshair’s eyes widened in disbelief. She didn’t expect Grim to haggle and actually mark up the price more than 200%. The two shook their hands, sealing the deal, with Crosshair as the baffled witness.

“We have a contract. I’ll pretend  to be your wife and hype up your achievements for your class reunion.”

“Excellent! I knew you Bad Batchers were reasonable!”

“Tom!”

G’s voice echoed from the counter again, interrupting Tom’s glee at a sealed deal.

“Speak, barista!”

“I called Miss Katja. If you continue to bother the customers, I’ll have her come down here.”

Sobriety nearly hit Tom thanks to that threat and he quickly walked away from the two and went towards the exit.

“I shall pick you up tomorrow at 6 PM. Make yourself beautiful. I’ll go now before that damned Finn sicks her Stray Cat at me or that musclehead woman of hers. I prefer my balls uncrushed, thank you.”

He beat a hasty retreat as Crosshair and Grim watched him struggle to take out the keys in his pocket and unlock the door to a green car parked in front of the cafe.

“Why did you choose to entertain that prick?”

Crosshair asked. Grim responded with a small grin.

“We could always use an influx of money. Besides, I have a plan.”

The Saint Vincent High School Reunion turned an otherwise gloomy high school campus to what felt like a downtown late night club. Techno dance music filled its gymnasium. Tables were spread out, hosting several alumni sharing drinks, food, and conversation.  Tom and Grim walked into the party, with Tom clad in a white polo shirt with a sleek black suit jacket. An expensive Rolex adorned his left wrist.  His typical smirk was absent however, as the woman who walked in with him, clinging to his arm, wore her old Grand Order formal wear of red, black, and gold. She even had her old saber on her belt, catching the attention of many alumni. But even with her outfit, many were frankly in awe that Tom of all people would come with a foreign partner in such an exotic European outfit.

“I hope this outfit is just a little joke, ‘Monika’. I hope you still remember what we’re ACTUALLY here for?”

Tom whispered.

“It’s not a joke. What is more successful than Regalia from a Grand Order covenant?”

“We’re dealing with Sleepers, they don’t exactly know what your outfit means.”

“Even Sleepers can understand the significance of regalia. Look, that man is ogling my upper torso now.”

“F-fine! But you remember what to do, yeah?”

“Hype you up to the max.”

“By?”

“Listing your fictional achievements.”

“And?”

“Saying how lucky I am to have met you, and then talking about our sweet sex life.”

Tom felt a chill creeping up his spine. Grim from Unit 9 was the last person you wanted to describe “sex”.

“Maybe not that last one? We don’t want to sound too smug.”

“Hey. If I’m pretending to be married, I’m pretending to be sexually active. Do not worry, Tom. I plan on earning the 175k you wired us.”

The duo walked into the party, with Monika’s outfit and the way she presented herself like a soldier walking in with her civilian spouse catching the attention of many. Surprisingly, the alumni were fascinated and surprised instead of being put off by Tom’s “wife”. A couple of exchanged pleasantries and drinks later, the couple sat  at a table with Tom’s classmates.

“-And that is how my sexy husband became the first man to be featured on the cover of Cosmopolitan Weekly.”

“That is- wow!”

“Just when I thought I’ve heard every story that puts Tom in a good light, you come up with another one!”

The classmates around the table said with genuine surprise, at the edge of their seats at how Monika talked about her husband.

“Yes, and they’re beginning to sound a little bit unbelievable.”

Tom said, trying to maintain composure while flashing her quick glares. Monika simply smiled and took a sip from her glass of Chardonnay.

“Oh I can’t help it!”

She jabbed at Tom’s arm. While to the Sleepers it looked like a playful little punch, Tom felt the sting of magical energy crawl up his arm all the way towards his neck and spine.

“I love this well-traveled high earner!”

The classmates were also smiling with intrigue.

“A man in the living room, a chef in the kitchen, a prostitute in bed-”

While the rest of the alumni at the table laughed, Tom nearly spat out his drink.

“Tom. Why don’t you tell them about your bionic arm?”

Everyone’s gazes turned towards Tom’s right arm. His false smile remained, and he kept his composure.

“Yeah, yeah. I could do- Or we can talk about something else!”

“Sure. We’ve heard enough stories on Tom. We want to hear about the woman who tamed his heart.”

“Yeah! What do you do, Monika?”

“I’m a professional Tennis player.”

Said the woman wearing what might as well be military regalia. Tom nearly choked on his drink this time. Everyone else at the table nodded in interest.

“Y-yeah, but she doesn’t really like to talk about it.”

Tom said, Monika looked at him quizzically.

“I love talking about it.”

“Where do you play?”

Asked one of the alumni, who appeared to be a tennis man himself.

“Where don’t I play?”

She quickly remarked.

“Wimbledon?”

“Okay. I don’t play there.”

“Are you seeded, Monika?”

Monika pretended to be taken aback by such a query, but she continued.

“That’s quite a personal question, Jerry. But, yes, I am highly seeded. We have two lovely children. Pedro and Claire. “

Tom’s face was ready to crack from how deep the hole Monika is digging themselves in. In desperation, he breaks into a dance.

“I-I love this song coming up! Why don’t we all just dance!”

Not wanting to ruin the merriment, the alumni at the table also joined in. Monika herself started snapping her fingers to the beat and bobbed her head to the tune. Tom stratefigly strutted away from the table towards the dance floor, and some of the alumni followed him. Monika chose to remain with some of his classmates at the table.

“You’re from Germany, right? You’re Tagalog is pretty good.”

“You pick up a lot from all the pillow talk, and believe me, such conversations are regular.”

Monika said, with her trademark nonchalance. Meanwhile, Tom danced with Jerry, a man he always wanted to impress in his teens. The leader of the “cool crowd”, Tom desperately wanted to be part of it.

“You got it really sorted out, haven’t you?”

Jerry said, busting out the Mickey Mouse clubhouse Hotdog dance in a drunken state.

“Yeah, it’s very surprising, isn’t it? You could just call me a late bloomer.”

“No offense, Tom, but I admit, I always thought you were the one whose life went completely off the rails! You always attract chaos at school but look at you now!”

“Tommy!”

Suddenly, Crosshair’s voice was heard over the music as she walked towards the dance floor wearing nearly the same regalia as Monika, including the sword. She quickly walked towards Tom and clung to his arm.

“Sorry I’m late, everyone! I’m Clara. And this is Tommy, the man I love.”

Tom’s eyes widened. Not just from the sudden arrival of Crosshair, but also from the weird lovey dovey tone that she thought she’d never hear from the stoic sniper. Several of his classmates turned towards them in confusion.

“What’s going on here?”

Monika suddenly appeared in front of Clara and Tom.

“What are you doing here?”

Clara said, with fake surprise.

“I’m enjoying an evening out with my man.”

“What?! Tom, who is this joker? What the hell is going on here?”

The confusion on Clara’s face turned to anger as Tom inched away from her and then towards Monika. The eyes of everyone in the dancefloor felt like daggers stabbing at him.

“Sh-she’s my wife, C-clara.”

“But you said you wanted me! He really did.”

Clara said, looking around at everyone and addressing the audience.

“Y-yes, you were the one I wanted, b-but then you left. So I turned to Monika, and Monika was there for me, in a way that you w-were not. And now we’re together. And that’s all that matters.”

Tom just blurted out the first things that popped up in his mind at this point. He wrapped his shoulder around Monika, who suddenly escaped from it turned away from the two.

“I don’t know.”

“W-what?”

Tom said, a few in the alumni shared an audible gasp.

“I don’t know, Thomas. I love you. God knows I do.  Your sweet abandon in bed, your humanitarian work. You’ve given me two wonderful children in Pedro and Claire. But it seems to me that you still have feelings for this young beautiful woman. And I’m not sure I can handle that!”

She turned towards Tom with anger and an accusatory finger point.

“I’m not sure I can handle that at all!”

“Admit it, Tommy! Admit that you still have feelings for me in front of everyone!”

Clara said. Instead of the quivering voice one would expect from a desperate mistress, she had the resolve of markswoman who’s got her target in sight.

“S-she means nothing to me, Monika!”

“We’ll you moved on quickly, you bitch.”

Clara stepped forward and swung a punch at Monika, who effortlessly dodged it and the fist struck Tom in the face instead. Monika glared at Clara with stern indignation.

“How dare you call my sexy husband a bitch and then strike him cleanly in the jaw!”

“You want to settle this like real women outside?”

“Gladly.”

Both placed their hands on their sheathed swords and walked out of the school quickly. Everyone else was just shocked to say anything. As the two walked out of the main gate, the air of hostility about them disappeared.

“Now what?”

Crosshair asked.

“No one seemed to have followed us. And we got the money already so… want to get cheesecake at the cafe?”

“Sure.”

Meanwhile, back inside, Tom was grasping into the tiniest bit of sanity he had left from the disaster.

“I’ll go check on them.”

He ran towards the gate, only to be greeted by the parked motorcycles and cars nearby. No sign of the two could be found.

“Oh those fucking bad batchers!”

He cried out in rage, only to break into a sprint towards his car. Might as well bail himself out from all of this, he thought.