Episode 1: Let's Get It Started!

The first episode of Clusterf\*ck follows the crew of the Julian as they discover an ancient artifact and journey to a backwater space station in an attempt to sell it. A full list of this episode's soundtrack can be found here.

## Summary

### Prologue

It's the 7th of July in the year 2005 as we follow an unidentified human teen, wearing a blue hoodie and a t-shirt depicting a cartoonish image of the earth being on fire, who sneaks out of the house and goes on a graffiti spree on their skateboard. The spree of vandalism seemingly turns into some kind of police chase as the teen hastily skates away from a police vehicle, performing some rad stunts on the way. Wide scale panic breaks loose however, as a dust storm approaches the town from a distance and the earth starts shaking and breaking. As the storm envelops the town, lights appear from the sky lifting various people, animals and objects into the sky. The teen narrowly avoids collapsing buildings and dodges the lights until they attempt to skate of a newly formed cliff and the teen is lifted up into a disk-shaped starship as their board falls down the chasm. The camera then changes to a view of earth from space: on fire and being ripped apart.

### The Ancient Battlecruiser

Ten years later the crew of the Julian is scavenging an ancient Aga'ran battlecruiser in search for valuable artifacts, an expedition coordinated from the ship by professor Asmund Erling. Part of the crew almost get killed by a spike trap on the ceiling of the treasure room as Nour, who is hacking into the system at a different terminal, accidentally sets of the deadly machination as she was being overwhelmed by her feline instincts. Faoiltiama, Troviae and Œska manage to narrowly avoid being stabbed and crushed to death as they tear open the doors to the inner sanctum of the ship. A faded red beam is the only light source in this room, pointed at a mysterious scepter made of a black metal engraved with crimson gemstones, hovering above a pedestal in the room.

Troviae triggers and ignores an ancient Aga'ran holographic protector, taking the scepter and then triggering a self-destruct mechanism in the ship. Nour and Jadim, who left the bridge of the Julian in order to head over and calm down Nour, escape back to the ship while Œska, Faoiltiama and Troviae are being pursued by a spiky black boulder. Œska easily outpaces the boulder on his hoverboard and makes it back to the ship while Troviae and Faoiltiama eventually make it back with the scepter after a few trials and travails involving a maintenance shaft, some canine clumsiness, more tiny spiky balls and a trip through some ancient sewage pipes.

### Journey

Back on the ship Troviae identified the scepter as a mythical Aga'ran artifact supposed to unite and rally its people. Not at all phased by this the scepter is put into storage with all the other crap, guarded by Roland the Ravaging Roomba. The crew then decides to jump to Tisnart Station in order to meet a contact of Jadim, a Papegarian artifact peddler named Trox. The group spends their journey through hyperspace playing 4D Pool and admiring either their collection of weaponry, books or science shit.

### Arrival at Tisnart Station

Once docked at Tisnart Station the team was headed towards Trox's Shop when they were ambushed by an earthcult gang, dressed in red leather jackets with zippers and studs all over the place, demanding unreasonably ridiculous payment in return for safe passage. The Julian's crew easily dispatched of the thugs after an initial charge made by Faoitiama towards their leader, a Caprin. Other members of the Jacksonians included a tiny Puggie wielding a ginormous boombox, a duplicating slime and a Bovinid named An'ton who turned out to be an ex-lover of Faoiltiama. The battle was won using such proven tactics as peppering the goons with bullets originating from a spinal machine gun, surrounding them with a burning ring of fire, throwing them in said ring of fire, bombarding them with shitty books and scratching their eyes out with some very sharp nails. The crew first looted the boombox and one of the red jackets and then continued their journey.

### Negotiations

A short walk later the team arrived at Trox's shop where Jadim lead the price negotiations of the artifacts. Trox offered to find a buyer for the scepter, suggesting it'd fetch a high price, but also admitting it might take a while until he finds the right client so they better keep the scepter for now. Jadim also traded several of the artifacts for bubblegum and an AC/DC tape for the boombox while they sold the rest of them for credits.

### Coolio's

Awaiting news about a potential buyer the crew spent some time in Coolio's, a seedy bar located in one of the lower districts of Tisnart Station. A paparazzi news broadcast on the television behind the bar regarding the secret visit of High Prince Novarius of the Lorani Imperium and his meeting with an unknown woman presumed to be one of his lovers was turned of by the barkeep in favour of a bloody game of EXTREME SPORTS BALL. The episode ends as Œska is pushed aside by a patron at the bar who insults them by calling them a child, the camera slowly zooming in on his face slowly turning into rage as The Immigrant Song starts playing over the credits.

### Post-Credits Scene

The final scene of the episode is back at Trox's shop where the Papegarian gets a mysterious threatening phonecall, demanding Trox do something and causing Trox to answer in a distraught voice with an ominous "I can't do that... he's my friend... no please... I understand... I'll do it."

## Soundtrack

This episode featured the following songs:

* *American Idiot* by Green Day
* *Let's Get It Started* by The Blacked Eyed Peas
* *Under Pressure* by Queen and David Bowie
* *Let's Talk About Sex* by Salt-N-Pepa
* *Yellow Submarine* by The Beatles
* *Sweet Dreams* by Eurythmics
* *Beat It* by Michael Jackson
* *Ring of Fire* by Johnny Cash
* *Anton aus Tirol* by DJ Ötzi
* *Gangsta's Paradise* by Coolio
* *Immigrant Song* by Led Zeppelin

For more information you can visit the wiki's Soundtrack page here.