Venus Returns

Venus Returns is the fifth chapter in the Wombles Four.

Steed found a lamp. “Perhaps we can have three wishes.” He said.  “You go first.” He gave it to Cathy.  “Ok” replied Cathy.  “I wish I was immortal like Mrs Peel.”  “I’ll go in the shed and ask Dr Pincher the instructions.”  Steed went out.  Later he came back in and said, “He’s gone.”  “Gone?”  “Gone.” “Where?”  “I don’t know.  He’s disappeared.”  Suddenly Dr Pincher burst in.  Cathy grabbed him and put more vices on him.  “How did Mrs Peel become immortal?” she demanded.  Dr Pincher didn’t answer, so Steed took him to the shed and put even more vices on him, while Cathy waited in the enormous house.

Later he came back in to the house.  “Well? Can you make me immortal?” asked Cathy. “I’d rather not.”  “Why?”  “Because to do that I’d have to kill you first.”  “Oh, then don’t bother then.  I don’t want to be killed very much.”  “Ok then.  Anyway, your second wish?”  “Hmm let’s see how about… we manage to stop Mrs Peel?”  “Uh yes how will we stop her?”  “Well we can’t kill her again she’s immortal now, and she even seems to go unharmed with everything, I suppose all we can do is somehow manage to catch her and arrest her, but we can’t do that because when the police come they’ll arrest us, and we can’t just leave her there, because she’ll just run away, and I think Wellington told me that when he made his shrink ray permanent he also made it so that it only worked to enlarge!  Do you think she’ll… win?”

“Of course not!  Good always triumphs!”  “are you sure because quite a lot of criminals have succeeded in their plots otherwise they wouldn’t be known as criminals yet and remember when we were evil you quite successfully killed Venus.”  “Oh!”  “What? You already knew all that.”  “I know but you gave me an idea!”  He rushed back to the shed.

“Where did you get the devices?” asked Steed.  “Why?” asked Dr Pincher.  “Once it’s in you can’t get it out anyway!”  “I don’t care, where did you get them?”  “From Dr Diablo.”  “Where is Dr Diablo?”  “I don’t know.”  Suddenly Dr Diablo came in.  Steed put a vice on him and said, “Give me an immortality device!”  “For whom?  If it’s for you then bear in mind you have to die first.”  “No!  Not for me! For Venus!”  “Oh, well since you’re going to keep this vice on my head otherwise, I suppose you can have one.  Here you go.”  Steed took it and rushed off.  Later he came into the house with Venus standing next to him alive!  “How about this to stop Mrs Peel?” he said.  “This!  I’m not a this!” complained Venus.  Steed ignored her.  “But…how…” said Cathy, and fainted.

Cathy recovered some time later.  She woke up and saw Venus.  “Venus please ignore John’s rudeness earlier.”  “Forgotten” said Venus quaffing Brandy.  “You forgot most things with Gooseberry Brandy” added Steed.  “I have to ask something” said Venus.  “Anything” said Steed.  “Was I dead?  If I was how am I alive?  Was I murdered?” asked Venus.  “You were dead.” Replied Steed.  “Steed tortured an evil doctor to get an immortality device for you.” Added Cathy. “Either Tara or Mrs Peel killed you I would think.  Most like Mrs Peel as she quite a fruitcake!”

“Oh!  I see!” said Venus “Do you a weapon I could borrow?” “Certainly but first you had best report your murder by Mrs Peel to the police.”  Venus was just about to go when Cathy said “by the way the police HQ has been blown up and head of the police is the king”.  Venus headed off to Buckingham Palace.

“Mrs Peel you say?” asked the King.  Venus nodded. “Cathy and Steed innocent you say?” Venus nodded again.  “Well I never!  Let’s crown them King and Queen again.”  Later that day Steed became King, Cathy the Queen, Lucy a princess and Thomas a prince. Bungo became the head of the police. Finally Mr Class and the Milkman were knighted for services to windows and milk respectively.

Around this time Mrs Peel finally dug her way out of Wimbledon Common.  Coincidentally a giant womblet fell on Mrs Peel just at that moment. She was back where she started. Six foot down under the earth again!

When she got out again she saw Venus.  “What? You should be dead!  John killed you!”  Venus blinked.  “Why did you call him John and why did you say he killed me?”  “Well he did kill you!”  “He said you did.”  “Seriously? It was him!”  “Oh I’ll tell the police.  Are you innocent then?”  “Er of what?” “Of killing.”  “Of killing who?  If you mean you then I’m in innocent…”  “Ok.”

Later Steed and Cathy were dethroned and ended up on the run again and Mrs Peel was no longer wanted for murder.  Steed was smiling.  Cathy thought he was mad.  “We are on the run John!  Why are you smiling!” she asked.  “I have a plan!” he replied.  “Which is?” asked Cathy.  “We go to Russia!” he replied.  Cathy had no better plan so they took the helicopter that was stolen from Mother and headed to Tomsk.  Steed landed in an old snowy quarry.

“Now where Dad?” asked Thomas.  “That radar tower!” he said.  They found a black C Class Mercedes and drove there.  “Follow me!” said Steed.  He led them to lab where they found a big plant.  “What is that?” asked Lucy.  “I love it Dad!  Can I keep it?” she added.  “Yes you can!” replied Steed.  They took the giant plant and flew it back to Steed Manor.

Lucy trained it to kill strangers on site.  Thomas kept calling the police.  Everytime an officer came they were eaten by the plant.  Once all the police had been eaten.  Cathy blew the whistle.  Mrs Peel heard it and became Pickles.  Pickles arrived right on cue.  Steed knocked her out.  Lucy dressed her as a womble.  They all went in the house to watch and released the plant.

Steed had an idea about Gooseberry Jam and clicked his fingers without thinking.  Mrs Peel wasn’t Pickles anymore.  She got out of the womble costume and swung the machete at the plant.  “Oh” said Steed.  “That didn’t go well.”  Cathy was worrying about something else.  “Who is going to run the country now?”  “Uh” said Steed.  “I’ll ask everyone.”  He went out and shouted to everyone, “Who is number one?”  He got a reply, “You are number six.”  “I can’t be!  There’s only 1, 2, and 3!  Alternatively you could say A, B, and C!”  “Ok then” was the reply, which turned out to be from Mother.  “I’ll answer your question.”  “What question?”  “Who number one is.”  “Oh, well who is he?”  “She.” “Ok but who?”  “Cathy is number one.”  “Oh!”  Steed went back in and said, “Cathy, did you know that you’re number one?”  “Huh?” replied Cathy.  “Well I’m guessing that means you’re the queen again.”  “Are you the king again?”  “I don’t know.”  Steed went back out and said, “Am I the king?”  “No!” was the reply.  Steed told Cathy.  “So I’m in charge of you?” she responded in surprise.

Just then Mrs Peel burst in with the machete and the flower from the giant Venussian plant.  She put it in Steed’s button hole.  The flower was so big that Steed fell over.  Quickly he scrambled behind the flower.  Cathy followed with the babies.  “Why are they babies?” asked Steed.  “They were to start with!  It was just us experimenting that made them adults.  The formula has worn off.” Replied Cathy.  “Oh” said Steed who had quite got used to his children being the same age as him.

They followed Steed to the emergency trapdoor and all slid down to the basement.  Mrs Peel was on their trail soon after but it was too late. The Steed’s had already got in the rocket and started the launch sequence.  “3, 2, 1 blast off!” shouted Steed.  The garden opened up and they flew away.  Mrs Peel went back in the house to find Mother running away.  He ran out of the house and dived into the undergrowth.  Unfortunately for him Rhonda was already there!  She knocked him out and took him to Mrs Peel.  A strange whistling soon was getting louder and louder.  As the sound got really loud a huge womblet landed on Mrs Peel.  Another landed on Rhonda.  Mother ran to his helicopter and flew after the Steed’s rocket following the trail of smoke.