Para-Nomaly

***Para-Nomaly*** is the fifth episode of *The Alan 10 Skits*.

## Plot

*[Alan, as Grey Matter, was seen inputting a series of codes into the orange and teal Simplicitrix replicas, each respectively wielded by Devin and Mason.]*

Grey Matter: Remind me why I’m giving you this alien again?

Devin: Don’t worry about it. You’ll see it very soon. We just need him for one transformation.

Grey Matter: Yeah, but like, couldn’t I do it myself? Why do I need you two specifically to use him to do whatever vague thing you’re alluding to and won’t tell me?

Mason: Like he said, don’t worry about it. We’ll be in and out real quick. It won’t take more than 10 minutes.

Grey Matter: Alright, I guess so.

*[Grey Matter stepped back from the two and reverted to his human form.]*

Alan: Reminder that you only have him for one transformation. I still don’t understand why I can’t do it myself, but if you two insist...

*[Devin and Mason both laughed in a giddy fashion from excitement, as Alan stared in confusion. The scene shifted to show the excited Devin and Mason, followed by a still very confused Alan, the latter transformed as Rabbiture, and using portals to allow the trio to enter a bizarre location that Rabbiture immediately looks around, seeing it was a macabre mass gravesite.]*

Rabbiture: Well, this is… disturbing.

*[Devin whispered to Mason, as Rabbiture reverts back to his human form mid-conversation.]*

Devin: You sure he’s here?

Mason: Yes, he’s here! He should have been buried here!

Devin: Alright, alright.

*[Within an instance, Devin and Mason activated their Simplicitrixes and simultaneously transformed into their temporary alien: Goltergeist, a bizarre, pale-bluish-gray-skinned muscular humanoid with a long neck, face composed of five featureless eyeballs, and large pale-yellow orbs sticking out of the outer-sides of its arms, with the two different versions of Goltergeist each having their different colorations based off their respective Simplicitrixes.]*

Alan: Ah, you creepy fucks! You want me to give you two Goltergeist for this?!

Goltergeist *(Devin)*: No, no, no. Just you wait, Alan.

Alan: I’m like, weirded out to the point I regret giving you two my ‘'The Sixth Sense'’ alien. Please tell me that whatever pay-off there is, it’s huge.

*[Unbeknownst to Alan, a pair of ghostly astral projections of the two different versions of Goltergeist slowly emerged from their bodies, and the one that is Mason immediately pointed off in the distance, seeming to exclaim something out of shock, albeit inaudible, as the two ghostly astral projections ran off, leaving their former bodies stationary and motionless, as Alan knocked his fist on one of them, only to not get a response.]*

*[Bewildered, Alan activates the abilities of Goltergeist himself, sprouting his five eyes, gaining the power of mediumship, as he glances into the land of the dead, and is startled at the sight of numerous deceased aliens’ spirits roaming the graveyard, all either the species of Stinkfly, AmpFibian, and Spidermonkey. Alan stared in shock at the sight.]*

Alan: Was this graveyard for the… what the hell?!!

Goltergeist *(Devin)*: FUCK YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! GET HIM, MASON!

Goltergeist *(Mason)*: MORE LIKE ‘SHIT-MAS’! BURN IN HELL, YOU ASSHOLE!

[Alan whipped his head around in the direction of the ghostly astral projections of the two Goltergeists, seeing them off in the distance, in the middle of pummeling the apparition of a familiar, green-skinned Tetramand into oblivion, punching and kicking the hell out of them. Alan stared at them for a moment, before suddenly realizing who exactly they’re beating up as he suddenly used Goltergeist’s powers to generate his own ghostly astral projection, which began frantically sprinting toward the other two.]

Alan: OH, YEAH! LET ME GET IN ON THAT!

### Shoo, Stinkfly

*[Alan sat on the couch in his dark living room, half-asleep in the middle of the night, with the only thing keeping him partially awake was whatever fodder was playing on the television. On the verge of completely falling asleep, Alan was suddenly reawakened by the irritating presence of a fly swarming around his head. His attempted to swat it away with a limp sway of his hand is futile, as it lands near his face, causing him to quickly shake himself awake.]*

Alan: Aww… Damnit... Fucking flies.

*[Alan made a few attempts to swat it away with his hand, but everytime, it just flew around for a short period of time and then returned toward him. Annoyed, Alan attempted to use a couch pillow, but the attempts were similarly useless, and the flustered, sleepy Alan suddenly transforms into Stinkfly.]*

Stinkfly: Sorry, little bug! There’s only room for one fly here!

*[The two broke out in an overly-dramatic fight, with Stinkfly repeatedly attempting to shoot the fly out of mid-air with several blasts of slime from his eyes, but kept missing every time. He tried everything, such as swatting it with his wings, and even slashing it with his tail stinger, but kept missing. Groaning and shaking his fists like an angry old man, Alan suddenly reverted back to his human form and tried to use several alien abilities to swat at it, but everything he used miraculously continues to miss it, such as Chromastone’s ultraviolet beams, Ball Weevil’s plasma balls, and Squidstrictor’s constricting tendrils. Every time, it managed to narrowly avoid it, or recover from it, unharmed, as it continued to fly around.]*

Alan: Oh… you LITTLE PEST! IT NOT FUNNY, ANYMORE!

*[Suddenly using cluttered masses of weapons via Extermigator’s abilities, Alan let out a war-cry as he rusheD the insect. Abruptly awakened, Chloe burst out of her room and rusheD into the living room, hearing the sounds of angered yells and slashing, shrieking, and tearing metal on her way through.]*

Chloe: ALAN, WHAT’S GOING ON?! WAIT, ARE YOU WATCHING ACTION MOVIES ON FULL VOLUME AGAIN?! IT’S 3 AM, QUIT DOING THAT-

*[Chloe paused, staring in bewilderment, upon turning on the light to see the living room, completely trashed with energy burns all over the walls and the furniture smashed and ripped apart. A deranged, hunchback Alan, with heavy bags in his eyes, sat in the corner of the living room, as he slowly and creepily turned around to face Chloe, both of his palms clasped shut, as he maniacally laughed.]*

Alan: YES! I GOT IT! I FINALLY GOT ONE OF THE FUCKERS!

Chloe: W-What the fuck, ALAN?! REALLY, AGAIN WITH THIS?!

Alan: BUT I GOT ONE THIS TIME! WE DON’T NEED NO BUG ZAPPER WHEN WE HAVE EXTERMIGATOR, BABY! LOOK, Chloe, LOOK!

*[As the deranged, tired Alan held his clasped hands up to Chloe’s face, he opens them, as Chloe stared at his open palms with extreme concern, before slowly glancing up at Alan.]*

Chloe: Alan… that’s just a piece of dust.

Alan: What? No, it’s-

*[Alan looked at his palms mid-sentence and cut himself off, his expression turning to defeat, as the still-functioning ceiling fan in the living room slowly carried away the speck of black dust in Alan’s left hand, as it flutters in the air in a fashion Alan had mistaken to be a flying insect. Alan’s bloodshot eyes followed the speck of dust, as it landed against the ground, followed by the smashed television falling to the ground onto it.]*

Chloe: I’m… Going to go shopping online on Amazon tomorrow.

Alan: For a new television, or for a bug zapper?

Chloe: For alligator repellent.

### You’re My BaE

*[In the middle of the night, the window to Alan’s bedroom slowly and quietly began to open up, as Richard gradually tip-toed his way into Alan’s bedroom, keeping his Simplicitrix primed. He glanced around Alan’s empty bedroom, gaining a mischievous smile, as he suddenly slipped on a T-shirt laying on the ground, sending him flying forward and narrowly face-planting on the ground, catching himself with his arms and creating a loud thud.]*

*[Richard, staring stone-faced as he awaited someone’s response to his sudden burst of noise, began to slowly realize he’s still in the clear and begins to pick himself up, until he suddenly grew wide-eyed, realizing the sounds of footsteps approaching Alan’s bedroom.]*

Richard: SHIT SHIT SHIT-!

*[As Richard frantically activated his Simplicitrix in an attempt to hide, Alan’s bedroom’s door whipped open, revealing Chloe, baring angry, tired eyes and messy hair, obviously having been awakened by the noise, moments before a bright-blue flash of light briefly illuminated the room.]*

Chloe: What the fuck are you doing?!

*[Peculiarly, opposed to one of Richard’s alien forms, what seemed to be Alan, wearing casual attire, stood in his place, with a terrified look, mumbling, before suddenly becoming confident and putting his hands on his hips.]*

“Alan”: I’ll tell what the fuck I’m doing… I’m doing… ‘Alan things’...

Chloe: Ohhh… ‘Alan things’? Do your ‘Alan things’ in the MORNING! People are sleeping!

"Alan”: Uh, yeah, yeah, of course. I’m about to go to bed anyhow. I will do ‘Alan things’ in the morning, as you said.

*[Glaring, Chloe now notices the very-prominently-and-suspiciously-open window, as she points toward it.]*

Chloe: Why is your window open?!

“Alan”: Oh, that’s for the, uh… my… isometric exercise… you know that uh, that meme? You remember that, uh… Jes-Jessssssss… uh, Chloe!

Chloe: What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you talking like that?

“Alan”: Very, very… tired… like you, and… the people in this house, like… Damon?

*[Chloe stared at Alan with a confused look, her mouth gaping open, before briefly glancing behind her, staring back and forth at the casually, albeit forcefully-smiling Alan, his hands up in an almost-comical expression, the Stabilized Simplicitrix visible on his left hand.]*

Chloe: Is there a slow-moving teleprompter hidden behind me and you’re reading off? Am I… on a game-show? Oh my god, has Pride finally driven you mad?!

“Alan”: Nah, you know me, Chloe… just… Alan… very tired, so I’d sleep in my… bed now, so...

*[Chloe stared in another moment of disbelief and confusion, hesitating, before rolling her eyes and slowly beginning to retract back out of Alan’s bedroom. As “Alan” breathes an exasperated sigh of relief, Chloe suddenly stops herself from fully exiting the bedroom, catching the closing door with her foot as she quickly re-entered, now baring a look of disbelief, but not out of confusion.]*

Chloe: You’re KIDDING ME?

“Alan”: Hm? What do you mean... Chloe?

Chloe: Were the, uh… ‘Alan things’ you’ve been doing so intense they swapped the Simplicitrix to your other hand? Alan wears it on his right hand, buddy.

*[As “Alan” stared with a brief look of confusion, the muffled laughs of a familiar voice reveal themselves, as the real Alan emerges from beneath his bed’s covers, soon followed by Chloe similarly laughing, as the now-revealed fake Alan stared on in frustration, scowling as he reverted to his true form, revealing himself as Negative Metamorph. Alan suddenly lunges from his bed, his hands ignited with Swampfire’s blue flames, and startling Negative Metamorph to the point he stumbled back and falls out of Alan's open window. Both Alan and Chloe stared down at him, as Negative Metamorph fleed in terror.]*

Alan: Hehehe… "Alan things..." Dumbass...

*[Alan chuckled, as he closes the window to his bedroom, while Negative XLR8, looking back to make sure he wasn't being followed during his fleeing, sprinte. As he turned back around, he slammed straight into their mailbox, loudly grunting as he crashed against the ground.]*

### Hungry, Hungry Salamanders

*[Within his bedroom, Alan was seen looking through his Stabilized Simplicitrix’s database, glancing through his diverse selection, as he commentates on his recent usage of each hologram he’s shown, as the holograms he goes through include Paralite, Intimachi, Blitzwulf, a humanoid alien made entirely of rock, Mad Hatter, Humungousaur, a humanoid alien with seven eyes and four additional eyes on his chest, Ditto, Astrodactyl, and an unknown alien with a bizarre body structure, including a single front and back leg, hooves for feet, a four-eyed, rectangularly-shaped head with sharp teeth, two arms tipped with three-clawed hands, and an extended arm jutting out of his upper-back.]*

Alan: Paralite? No... Intimachi? Used him last Saturday... Blitzwulf? Used him yesterday... Alaquartzam? Nah... Mad Hatter? HELL no... Humungousaur? Used him earlier… Highbreed? Pfft… Ditto? Sounds fun, but probably late… Astrodactyl? Probably not... what the hell alien is this?

*[As Alan continued going through what seems to be the Simplicitrix’s entire database, Pride stealthily phased out of his backside, and glanced over his shoulder to see what he’s doing, startled Alan with his sudden presence.]*

Alan: Damn it, Pride! Quit coming out the back entrance! You scare me every time you do that!

Pride: Damn, you’re bossy, I don’t ask you what YOU’RE doing… So, what are you doing?

Alan: I’m bored. And when I’m bored, I scroll through the Simplicitrix and find something fun to use, but I’ve done this method so many times, all my fresh options are old and boring now…

*[Alan spoke as he continued scrolling through his alien’s options, noticeably landing one of his classics in the form Gutrot.]*

Alan: Gutrot? He’s an original, but I’ll pass…

Pride: More like pass gas… this is what you do for fun? Why don’t you hang out with me?

Alan: Last time I ‘hung out’ with you, I woke up in the middle of the woods, covered in tree branches you were trying to set on fire.

Pride: I was trying to see if you could activate Heatblast’s pyro immunity involunatrily, like a reflex!

*[Alan grumbled in frustration, landing on the hologram of a short, muscular alien with three eyes on each outer-arm, and a face consisting of two large flap-like structures resembling ears, each containing three eyes on the outer side.]*

Alan: Whatever, I’m bored, and the only idea of actual fun that involves me setting myself on fire is transforming myself into Heatblast… Don’t even know who this alien is…

Pride: Ah, what? You don’t want to transform into Clairvoy?

Alan: Who the hell is ‘Clairvoy’? I didn’t know you had a knack for all these guys. I don’t recall who half of them are.

Pride: I’m literally linked to the device you’re tinkering with right now… Look, you want relief for your boredom? Here’s a favorite of mine. Close your eyes.

*[Alan closed his eyes, not before briefly rolling them, as Pride rotated the dial of the Simplicitrix and upon selecting a specific alien, slammed his hand down on the core, transforming Alan into an unknown, but unfamiliar alien.]*

???: This better not be Ghostfreak.

Pride: I still don't like that name, but whatever. Open your eyes.

*[Upon opening his eyes, Alan realized the alien that Pride had transformed him into is none other than an alien he hasn’t touched in a long time, Similamander.]*

Alan: Ah, hey, good choice! I remember this guy! I haven’t used him in like, forever! What was his name again?

Pride: Similamander. He can mimic powers. Try it out with me.

*[Squinting his eyes, Similamander copied the powers of Pride, levitating upwards and taking flight, as he flew forward and phased straight through his body, revealing his additionally-mimicked intangibility.]*

Similamander: Oh, fuck yeah! I knew I had a guy who can do stuff like this, just couldn’t remember who he actually was!

Pride: You’re welcome.

*[Suddenly, Salamander realized something, seemingly getting an idea as his eyes widen. He lands on his bed and suddenly began to sprint out of his room, phasing through his door, as Pride merely watched him leave.]*

Pride: Alright, then. I guess I’ll let you have your fun.

*[Literally moments later, Alexis suddenly burst into Alan’s bedroom, staring at Pride with a crazed expression, startling him.]*

Alexis: DID YOU JUST TURN HIM INTO SIMILAMANDER?!

Pride: ...Huh?

Alexis: DID YOU. JUST. TURN HIM. INTO. SIMILAMANDER?!

Pride: Uh… Is that an expression? He’s not even that strong of an alien.

*[Suddenly grabbing Pride’s hand, Alexis dragged him out of his room, through the house, and moments later, into their backyard, to which Pride’s expression turns into shock, as he realizes the chaotic state of the backyard, partially in flames with literal chunks of rubble laying around.]*

Pride: WHA-WHAT THE FUCKITY-FUCK?!

Alexis: THIS IS WHY WE DON’T DO SIMILAMANDER ANYMORE! HE MADE A CLONE WITH DITTO, AND NOW HE’S MASS-REPLICATING ALIEN ABILITIES!

Pride: That… Sounds like multi-tasking to me.

Similamander: IGKNIGHT!

*[Off-screen, Salamander suddenly released an explosion of flames that engulfs half the yard, causing Pride and Alexis to retreat back partially into the house.]*

Similamander: BLOODSTREAM.]]

*[Alexis suddenly closed the backdoor just in time before a tidal wave of blood splattered against it from the outside. However, Similamander, outside and offscreen, was still audible through the door.]*

Pride: H-HOW DO YOU MAKE HIM STOP?!

Similamander: “WOLFAESTUS!”

*[Similamander released a powerful howl that rattled the entire structure of the house. Alexis covered her ears briefly until it stopped, allowing her to respond.]*

Alexis: THIS WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU DIDN’T GIVE HIM SIMILAMANDER AGAIN! ALAN GETS A FUCKING MASSIVE POWER HUNGER! HE LEVELED THE HOUSE LAST NIGHT HE DID THIS!

Pride: How is he so strong?!

Alexis: It’s not "he..."

*[Alexis slowly opened the closed blinds of a nearby window, showing not just one, but probably around a dozen Similamander's running around the yard, causing havoc, one blasting Frostbyt’s ice off in random directions, one spewing Lavalamp’s molten magma from his mouth, and one erupting with bursts of electricity, originating from Golem-Eye. One Similamander was used to keep duplicating, while another clone was the one used to switch between aliens for the clones to copy powers of. Pride stared out the blinds in shock.]*

Alexis: ...It’s THEM!"

Pride: ...I’m starting to feel regret.

Alexis: You caused it, so go out and fix it.

*[Groaning, Pride was forced to do what Alexis says, phasing out the window and maneuvering through the destruction-filled yard to approach the many duplicates of Similamander.]*

Pride: Hey! HEY! Little guys, the party's over! You’re breaking shit, and I like shit to not be broken!

*[All of the Similamander clones hissed in response, each replicating Pride’s Ectonurite powers, as they sprouted striped tendrils from their abdomens and lash out at Pride, attempting to restrain him, only for him to phase through the tendrils and possess one of the Similamander clones, utilizing that clone’s mimicked abilities, including spiked projectiles from Spiker, toxic beams from Mongilla, and energy blasts from Feedback, to knock the other clones back, before forcefully transforming him into Clockwork.]*

*[As the Similamander clones boo'd and rioted in response to Pride’s party-pooping, the Pride-possessed Clockwork scoffs and activated Clockwork’s chronokinesis, reversing time back to Alan at the beginning, now back in his bedroom, scrolling through his Simplicitrix’s database, the holograms of Ditto, Astrodactyl, and the unknown, oddly-shaped alien briefly seen again.]*

Alan: ...Ditto? Sounds fun, but probably late… Astrodactyl? Probably not... what the hell alien is this?

*[As Alan continued going through his alien selections, Pride suddenly emerged from his torso, startling Alan even more than the first Alan.]*

Alan: PRIDE?! What the hell?!

Pride: You bored, kid?! You want an alien?! Eatle!

Alan: Eatle? I mean, like-

Pride: EATLE!

*[In response, Alan shrugged, standing up and exiting his room, switching to the hologram of Eatle, Pride kept a close eye as he followed Alan out of his room. Alexis walked past and noticed Pride’s exhausted look.]*

Alexis: What’s with you?

Pride: ...Amphibians.

## Characters

* Alan Nomaly
* Alexis Dwyer
* Chloe Nietzsche
* Devin Lorenzo
* Mason Babadzhanov
* Pride

### Villains

* Dictator Agorm Hitmas
* Richard Nomaly

## Aliens Used

### Alan Nomaly

#### Actually Used

* Grey Matter
* Rabbiture
* Stinkfly
* Similamander *(2x)*
* Ditto *(offscreen)*
* Bloodstream *(offscreen)*
* Wolfaestus *(offscreen)*
* Frostbyt *(offscreen)*
* Lavalamp *(offscreen)*
* Golem-Eye *(offscreen)*
* Spiker *(offscreen)*
* Mongilla *(offscreen)*
* Feedback *(offscreen)*
* Eatle *(offscreen)*

#### Powers Only

* Goltergeist
* Chromastone
* Ball Weevil
* Squidstrictor
* Extermigator
* Swampfire

### Richard Nomaly

* Negative Metamorph
* Negative XLR8

### Pride

* Similamander
* Clockwork

## Allusions

* Alan calls Goltergeist his *The Sixth Sense* alien due to seeing dead people.
* Richard makes reference to the Steamed Hams meme.
* The *Hungry, Hungry Salamanders* skit is a reference to *Hungry, Hungry Hippos*.

## Trivia

* This is the first Skits episode to be written by someone other than Alan.
* The title of the *You're My BaE* skit is meant to be a pun on the slang "bae," before anyone else, and a pun on "breaking and entering."