Episode 83: Kissing

**Video:**
1:00:04

**Video:**
kissing.mp4

https://globehell.libsyn.com/

## Episode Summary

Have you ever kissed and did it feel good? Did you fall in love or just get horny? Kissing is really good for you, but sometimes we don't do it enough. So why don't we do it and I'm not talking about kissing my ass. xDxDxDxD

## Idea Details

* Idea: Kissing
* Creator of idea: Josiah
* Purpose of idea: Drew, I wanted to ask you uh, you know, love is in the air, obviously -- (Drew: "Is it? Why?") -- cause it's the time of year where everyone's allowed to uh -- It's the time of year for uh romance, and love is in the air, and the trees are blossoming mistletoe. (Drew: "No they're not! They're not; it's cold!") So I was gonna ask you, Drew, as we come up to Valentine Day, how will you be spending February 14th and maybe tell me about what you'll be doing with your partner or girlfriend or wife, I'm not -- (Drew: "Well, I'm not going to be doing anything, Josiah. I don't celebrate uh this uh made up holiday designed *only* to make single people feel bad and to make card companies and chocolate factories rich.") *Car* companies?? (Drew: "*Card* companies.") So you're -- Oh, I didn't realize -- I -- we don't really talk very often about your personal life; you're single and so you're dreading Valentine's Day. (Drew: "Well, I'm not *dreading* it, I just don't, you know, it's just another day. It's like Christmas; it's just another day.") So tell me, what -- I mean, walk me through February 14th, you wake up, what do -- what's the -- what's the d-- what does your day look like? (Drew: "I don't know!") What will you do? I mean, you'll wake up and then what? DM a celebrity? (Drew: "I *might* DM a celebrity. I might email some people, uh take the car out for a drive, um see some people, see some family.") That sounds like -- (Drew: "Work on some art.") OK. Wow. So really it sounds like you've -- (Drew: "Practice my cooking.") You've figured out how to be self-sustained even as a single eligible bachelor. You don't *need* the touch of another person to get you through Valentine. (Drew: "Mhm.") But what if I was to tell you that there was one thing you were missing out on from not having a lover or partner. (Drew: "OK.") Well, what you're missing out on is uh health benefits. *\*Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Did You Know - The Health Benefits of Kissing"\** (Drew: "Kissing is one of the things I *don't* miss.") So there -- that's one benefit: it helps you have spit. (Drew: "Mhm. It's just *gross*! It's d-- it's *gross*! Man.") Wait, you're already playing de-- we haven't even gotten into it yet, you're already playing de-- what's the problem? (Drew: "I'm just saying it's gross!") What's -- Why is it gross? (Drew: "Look, you don't -- it's -- you're -- you take your tongue and put it inside of *another* tongue?") Well tha-- what do you mean? You put your tongue *inside* of another tongue? (Drew: "Yeah!") How d-- would that work? (Drew: "Just think ab-- You've never kissed before?") How would you put a tongue *inside* of -- I was gonn-- (Drew: "You've never kissed before.") No, I *clearly* have. But I'm trying to ask *you* because it sounds like you're -- (Drew: "Sounds like you haven't. Sounds like you haven't.") You put a tongue *inside* of a -- (Drew: "Let's just continue on with this video.") You put a tongue *inside* of a tongue. Cause, like, you know what else is gross? Uh, you know, g-- uh breaking a sweat going for a walk is kinda gross if you think about it too much, but it's good f-- (Drew: "Yeah, it is! That's why I don't do it!") -- but it's good for you! It's g-- These things are good f-- Even if you're kinda grossed out by kissing, which I don't understand cause it makes your h-- it sh-- kiss-- I *truly* don't think you've ever kissed properly -- (Drew: "It's bad for you.") -- it should make your heart flutter and give you butterflies in your tumbly. But you're telling me that you are think it's gross, well *even* if it is, I think, by the end of this, you're gonna realize that you need -- you'd be a lot happier if you did it. We, *all of us* could be enjoying the benefits of Kissing more often, and it should not just be for those of us who are in committed, long-term relationships. So what if we were to destigmatize Kissing and normalize Kissing in everyday scenarios? What if when you were waiting for the Bus to go to work, um you noticed that there was a woman there and you didn't have to think about it and you just could Kiss? And you just started making out? What if every time you left your house, you were agreeing, as part of a society, that we are now a Kiss-based society? (Drew: "I don't like -- I think that's a --") We can all Kiss at any time. (Drew: "I think that's a terrible idea, Josiah. Cause what if you don't wanna Kiss?") Well, if you don't wanna Kiss, then you'll be able to opt out! (Drew: "Don't go outside??") No! (Drew: "Well how do you opt out? If somebody just comes up to you and starts Kissing you, you say, 'Oh, no, I opted out!' ") Well, yeah! You wear a burlap sack over your head if you don't wanna Kiss. Easy! Simple as! (Drew: "Well, that's -- that's -- then your stigmatizing *Not* Kissing!") Well, yeah, because there's *no* health benefits to *Not* Kissing, and there's *endless* health benefits to *Kissing*!
* Timetable: The Kissing program will go into effect immediately, in terms of its initial launch. It will be beta tested over the next year while Drew and Clone Drew perform different styles of the Kissing program, whereby Regular Drew will Kiss a robot head and Clone Drew will Kiss in public. After one year, their happiness levels will be measured and the happier one will be the determining factor in terms of which direction to take the Kissing program.
* Idea details:
	+ The benefits of Kissing include that it helps you have spit.
	+ When done properly, Kissing makes your heart flutter and gives you butterflies in your tumbly.
	+ We will destigmatize Kissing and normalize Kissing in everyday scenarios. Every time you leave your house, you are agreeing, as part of a society, that we are now a Kiss-based society and we can all Kiss at any time.
	+ If you don't want to Kiss, then you'll be able to opt out by wearing a burlap sack over your head to signal that you don't want to Kiss.
	+ We won't be Hugging strangers because that is too intimate.
	+ You're only automatically opted into the Kissing program if you're single or polyamorous. It does not include someone who wants to cheat on their wife, for instance, because the Kissing program is not a sexual thing and it is only for health benefits.
	+ The Kissing program will be launched with TikTok Kissing prank videos. This will help normalize it.
	+ If you go outside and everyone has bags on their heads, then you keep walking until you find people without bags for you to Kiss.
	+ The wedding rings of people who are married will perform a similar function to single people's burlap sacks because they will signal that you are not an active participant in the Kissing program.
	+ There will be no talking before Kissing.
	+ Drew will be cloned so that Regular Drew will still have his soul and spirit and brain but will be able to Kiss a robot head, while Clone Drew participates in the regular Kissing program. In one year, their happiness levels will be measured, which will go into determining which way the Kissing program should go, once officially implemented. The stipulations to this cloning program include that Drew is unable to Kiss his clone or do any hand stuff with him, though Drew only agreed they would not Kiss each other.
	+ Drew opted out of the public Kissing program.

## Devil Play

* Drew played devil by suggesting that everyone should have a Kissing practice robot head so they can Kiss that all the time.
	+ Josiah disagreed with the idea because it would not have the health benefits of real Kissing such as having spit.
	+ Drew said the robot heads will have human saliva or simulated saliva pumped in. He also added that this way you could Kiss the robot head whenever you wanted.
	+ Josiah expressed confusion at this because you can Kiss anyone you want at any time if you just go outside and look for someone single who hasn't opted out of the Kissing program by putting a burlap sack over their head.
	+ Drew repeated that his Kissing idea is better than Josiah's Kissing idea.
	+ Josiah exclaimed that the robot heads will never pass the Bechdel test so you need something that will make you feel more loved in a physical sense.
	+ Drew suggested they instead use a VR headset and it was super realistic.
	+ Josiah clarified that you need to feel the press of the lips on your lips.
	+ Drew agreed, saying you would have the robot head right there for that. He further expressed his feelings that Josiah's Kissing idea would lead to rampant sexual abuse on the streets.
	+ Josiah repeated the fact that the Kissing program is not sexual and also everyone consents to it.
	+ Drew felt that for some people, Kissing *is* sexual, and it should be.
	+ Josiah said the bag over the head solves this problem and asked what would be wrong with simply having some fun with it if you're single and ready to mingle.
	+ Drew asked how people are supposed to know about your marital status in terms of it opting you out of the Kissing program.
	+ Josiah clarified that you would simply hold up your wedding ring to show that you're married and the person trying to Kiss you will need to move on and Kiss someone else. He added that there will be no talking before the making out starts under the Kissing program.
	+ Drew asked about a hypothetical scenario where a married person has their hands in their pockets or something and cannot get them out in time.
	+ Josiah made light of this and asked another hypothetical of what if a building falls on your head.
	+ Drew stated that he agrees they should move ahead with the Kissing program. He said he didn't like the idea but wanted to support it, out of the spirit of Globe Hell. He added that he would try to get a robot head.
	+ Josiah said they would split the difference for the first time ever and thereby try it both ways. This will involve cloning Drew exactly as he is now and his soul, spirit, and brain will stay in him and the other will be the clone so that Drew can try the Kissing program with the robot head, while Clone Drew tries the actual Kissing program. Then, they will see which of the two Drews is happier in one year.
	+ Drew agreed to this test.
	+ Josiah clarified that Drew will not be allowed to Kiss Clone Drew. Or do any hand stuff with him or anything.
	+ Drew stated that he was not going to Kiss his clone but that they would see about any hand stuff.

## Notable Events

* Josiah and Drew discussed the state of comedy today versus in the 70's. They also discussed the origins of the podcast and how Josiah just wanted to do a comedy show but realized it had to be done with a leftist perspective by actually saying something, whereas Drew wanted to change the world.
* Josiah and Drew discussed how listeners should give them a 5-star rating on iTunes, pay them $5 on Globe Hell Patreon, buy merch on the Globe Hell Teespring, and unfollow other podcasters and weird Twitter people because supporting other shows is a form of disrespect to Globe Hell Warning.
* Josiah and Drew discussed their famous friend and previous guest Nate Ruess, as well as how he was once subscribed to the Globe Hell Patreon until he unsubscribed unceremoniously and then pretended he didn't know how to work his credit card. To discover how to find some new celebrities to be friends with, they watched the following videos:
	+ "How to make any famous person text you back ! (Crazy hack)".
	+ "How To Get a CELEBRITY to NOTICE YOU on Instagram".
		- Note: Josiah and Drew previously watched another video by this uploader, The Josh Speaks, in The.
	+ "How To Get Celebrities To Respond To Instagram DM's".
	+ "Getting Celebrities To Follow You".
	+ "SOCIAL MEDIA ADVICE: How to Get The Attention Of A Famous Guy on Instagram/Twitter! | Shallon Lester".
	+ Rewatched "How to make any famous person text you back ! (Crazy hack)".
* At 9:18, the video skips because Josiah was having significant audio issues and needed to reset his sound equipment because his mic broke.
* Josiah and Drew discussed how they could easily get Gary Vee to guest on the show by spending anywhere from $0-$5 for fan art of him. Josiah found a fan art online and sent it to Drew, who sent that to Gary Vee under the guise of having created it himself in order to lure him onto the show.
* Josiah and Drew discussed doing a Globe Hell Harlem Shake, although Drew revealed that he can't dance.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "No Copyright Music Romantic, Royalty-Free Background Music Cinematic For Youtuber" about the best background music we think for creators on the Youtube platform.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Did You Know - The Health Benefits of Kissing" about how kissing helps you have spit.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "A Doctor Explains 5 Amazing Health Benefits of Kissing 😘!" about how kissing has many health benefits- some of these might just surprise you!
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "The Benefits of Kissing" about how Ellen found out about a study that says kissing is good for your health.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "HEALTH BENEFITS OF KISSING YOUR LOVED ONES". Josiah and Drew read along with the text in this video.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "How to Kiss Confidently | Kissing Tips".
* Drew revealed that he Kisses by opening his mouth, sticking his tongue out, and screaming.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "How to Kiss Using Your Teeth | Kissing Tips".
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "ROYALTY FREE Saxophone Music | Royalty Free Travel Music | Romantic Music Royalty Free | MUSIC4VIDEO" about how passion is chillout saxophone jazz solo with erotic and sexy vibe.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "20 Strangers Kissing What Really Happens".
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Kissing Strangers: Can 10 individuals prove that kissing can lower stress levels?" about how a 2009 study suggests kissing can lower stress levels... but could you kiss a complete stranger?
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "First kiss- 20 strangers".
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "What Are The Odds We Kiss?".
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "KISSING PRANK IN PUBLIC GONE WRONG🙈" about Kissing pranks.
* Josiah and Drew briefly watched a video called "Kiss A Stranger | #aLottaLove | Extended Version" about how we asked complete strangers to share a universal gesture of love ... a simple kiss.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "ASMR Kissing You All Night - 8 Hours Male Kissing, Breathing & Beard Scratching Triggers - Looped" about 8 Hours of male kissing, breathing, and beard scratching sounds. While watching this video, they listened to another video called "Kissing Sounds Overload - No Talking - ASMR" in the background, as well as possibly some additional Kissing ASMR videos. Drew muted these videos so he couldn't hear them. Josiah revealed that he is going to start sleeping with the sound of Kissing ASMR videos playing. He also suggested that all their listeners should play this part of the video on Valentine's Day, since this episode released a few days before Valentine's Day.
* Josiah and Drew watched "Kissing Sounds Overload - No Talking - ASMR", instead of only listening to it in the background.
* Josiah and Drew wished their listeners a happy Valentine's Day.
* At 58:01, there is a skip in the video. Further skips occurred at 58:13, 58:23, 58:34, 58:45, 58:57, 59:08, 59:19, 59:30, 59:41, and 59:52.
	+ Note: It is currently unknown why the skips occurred. It is believed that Josiah and Drew simply looped footage of themselves so they could fill time to the end of the episode's hour-mark, rather than have to fill it with actual content.

## Notable Quotes

### Josiah

* "Mike and JF are done. They've had their time. Their little tweets that they did. It's over."
* "For those who don't know who's listening, Nate Ruess is, like, a guy that talks to us and he used to be on our Patreon and he left and he pretended that he doesn't know how to work his credit card or whatever bullshit that was. He's gone, he's no longer in our lives."
* "Heya, playa!"
* "Do we have any listeners in India who would make us Gary Vee fan art for $5?"
* [In response to hearing someone say 'shit'] "Now, he doesn't need to say the S-word. Kind of takes away from his expertise, in my opinion."
* "Can you get in trouble for doing this? Like, stalking people? It's OK to do?"
* "What if we did a Globe Hell Harlem Shake?"
* "So is that what we should do? Should we get railed? If we get railed by someone famous, would that help the show?"
* "It's the time of year for uh romance, and love is in the air, and the trees are blossoming mistletoe."
* "So your mouth -- when your mouth get aroused, it gets wet."
* [In response to Drew saying heroin gives you a big ol' hard-on] "Mmm, if you mean 'heroine', like a female hero, I agree with *that*."
* "We, *all of us* could be enjoying the benefits of Kissing more often, and it should not just be for those of us who are in committed, long-term relationships. So what if we were to destigmatize Kissing and normalize Kissing in everyday scenarios? What if when you were waiting for the Bus to go to work, um you noticed that there was a woman there and you didn't have to think about it and you just could Kiss? And you just started making out? What if every time you left your house, you were agreeing, as part of a society, that we are now a Kiss-based society? We can all Kiss at any time."
* "I don't think we should be Hugging strangers, though, that's too intimate."
* "*But* you're not allowed to Kiss your clone, and I know that's what you wanna do. I know you wanna be suckin' on that clone."

### Drew

* "Heya, playa!"
* "That would help a lot, if we had -- made, like, a sex tape."
* [In response to Josiah asking why Drew thinks kissing is gross] "Look, you don't -- it's -- you're -- you take your tongue and put it inside of *another* tongue?"
* "I would only wanna be Kissing in, like, a business context."
* "Why not just get someone to spit in your mouth?"
* "Oh, Ellen DeGeneres! She's funny."
* [On the topic of Kissing] "There's a band called Kiss!"
* [On the topic of how he Kisses] "Well, I would just, I don't know, I would open my mouth, stick my tongue out, and scream."
* "What the fuck?"
* [On the topic of Josiah's idea] "I think that's awful."
* "Why not just have -- Josiah, why not, if they're gonna have health benefits, have a robot head in the house to Kiss!"
* [On the topic of his Kissing practice robot heads idea] "We could easily have human saliva or simulated saliva pumped into these robot heads."
* [On the topic of Kissing ASMR sounds] "It's nasty!"
* "Do not Kiss me. Do not Kiss me. Please don't Kiss me."

## Trivia

* This is the second lip-based episode idea, after Episode 46: Smile.