Episode 242 - Bear Owl Bureau

## Intro

**Episode description:**
n/a

**Opening Quote:**
**Sean**: What season is this?

**Player introduction:**
**Sean**: Hello and welcome to season 7 of the Tabletop Champions. I'm Sean your dungeon master and with me tonight we have Lauren...
**Lauren**: Hi!
**Sean**: Stephanie...
**Stephanie**: -hoy-hoy.
**Sean**: Matt...
**Matt**: Hello.
**Sean**: Ben...
**Ben**: Hi!
**Sean**: And Kyle.
**Kyle**: \*seltzer can opening\* Grip it and rip it baby.
**Sean**: That seltzer is, I mean... You need to watch that.
**Kyle**: Waterloo sparkling water, grape!
**Stephanie**: Oh I've never had Waterloo.
**Sean**: Grape one? I want a grape one. Alright. Well I've got a watermelon, actually I have a grapefruit one, I forgot.
**Kyle**: I actually still have half of a watermelon sitting next to me but I had to open a new one because of the sound, so -
**Sean**: For the bit? For the bit?
**Kyle**: I'll - for the- I'll get - I'll catch up, it's fine.
**Sean**: That's alright, I grabbed a piece of wood for a foley sound effect, ah, in this.

## Episode Summary

Seventy-two years after the events of season six, Haven has grown from a village into a large city, the capital of Irulan. Though it's landlocked, trade routes have been opened via the Underdark thanks to alliances with the Drow. It is an era of peace, and all the races live in harmony. The gods are gone, temples are out of fashion, and "divine" classes draw on their values rather than gods. Haven has five districts, each headed by a council member.

The episode begins in the Bear Owl Bureau, an investigations bureau, which is run by the following player characters:

Balinor Syrel (Ben), is the son of Elyron Syrel, half elf half human. He's 6 feet tall and has purple eyes, tan skin, short, neatly combed dark red hair, and a strange blue mark on the back of his left hand which goes up his arm.

Wrathful the Magnificence (Matt), is an orc from the Isles of Fami, the Samurai Isles of the Orcs. He's old college buddies with Balinor. He's 7 feet tall and has grey skin, like most orcs. He cares about his appearance a lot and is well-dressed, with a well-manicured hairstyle. He's boisterous and thinks a lot of himself: for instance, he thinks he's in charge of the Bear Owl Bureau even though he's not. He's all about glory in combat and has a large greatsword that's almost as long as he is tall. He doesn't feel he's done anything glorious enough yet to give it a name.

Ophelia Axe (Lauren) is a female Aasimar bloodhunter. She's very tall and has long blond hair with the left side shaved and dark eyes that look like they have stars dancing in them. She helped found the Bear Owl Bureau.

Kuviana Axe (Stephanie) also a very tall Aasimar woman. She's a ranger and less beefy than her wife, Ophelia. They founded the Bear Owl Bureau together. They have been together for a while but married recently. Two weeks ago they received a mysterious mirror as a wedding gift. Late one night, something pulled Kuviana into the mirror and Ophelia had to rescue her from the Shadowfell. As a result, Kuviana returned to the mortal realm as Ophelia's shadow. Kuviana's features are more defined in the dark, and difficult to see during the day. The two are attached, Kuviana being Ophelia's shadow during the day, and Ophelia being Kuviana's shadow during the night. At dawn and dusk they are both corporeal for one hour.

Bartholomew J. Dingle (Kyle), aka Barry, is a deep gnome artificer who was raised by drow in the Underdark, but prefers the light of aboveground, where he regularly made trips to find new parts for his artificing. He claims to be able to fix anything, but his success rate is in fact low. One day, looking for parts, he climbed through a sewer grate into the Bear Owl Bureau and was immediately hired to crack a safe. He never succeeded, but hasn't left yet.

Haven's five districts are Northward, Timbergrove, Westgate, Ivyplace, and Oldtown. Northward is the site of the original village, and is where the more simple life has endured. Westgate is the more wealthy part of town, close to the castle district. Timbergrove and Ivyplace are mid-upperclass, and Oldtown has the less expensive housing, but still looks nice. The Bear Owl Bureau is in Oldtown, on an inauspicious street right next to the clock tower. It's a three story building with business on the first floor and living space on the upper floors. Behind the reception desk is a gigantic, bear-sized taxidermied owl. It came with the house, and they haven't been able to budge it: it seems to be magically fixed to the floor. The reception desk is manned by Welsh Goodboy. There's a fire pole that goes up the three floors. Barry's junk is everywhere, including in other people's desks. Our heroes are scattered around, Ophelia at a tiny desk, Barry upstairs. They have fallen on hard times recently, in particular due to a mistake that has been heard of throughout the town.

There's a knock at the door, and Welsh jumps to get it. He asks the group not to be mad, but he invited someone to publish their side of the story, and maybe improve their reputation. A squat, gnomish female bursts through the door. She's wearing spectacles and a fine afghan, and she has a quill and notepad. She looks around at the "quaint" establishment, sits down, and pulls out a one-person tea set. A mastiff-sized canine automaton breathes intimidatingly at her. She begins dictating disparaging comments to her quill, which writes on its own. She introduces herself as Cynthia Oathheart, creator and lead editor of the Haven Quill, one of the two newspapers in town (more of a tabloid). She interviews the group and seems to take a liking to Balinor. She brings up their recent mistake: the Eloquin Vase. The bureau was hired to recover a priceless vase that was stolen from Councilwoman Tristania by the Twinkletoes Gang, headed by Timmy Twinkletoes. Wrath claims to have defeated them single-handedly, but then Ophelia says they intimidated the gang into giving the vase back. Then they set up a time to return the vase during a council meeting. Kuviana was carrying the vase up the steps when she tripped and dropped it, and it shattered. She blames a cracked and wobbly step, though this seems unlikely. Cynthia asks what the bureau plans to do to replace the vase. The dog, who has been periodically woofing through the conversation, growls. Cynthia says the vase contained one of Smuckers T. Goodboy's salves, and asks what happened during their off-the-record meeting with Councilwoman Tristania afterwards, during which screams could be heard coming from the building. The dog whines and Kuviana starts yelling at Cynthia, but Ophelia calms her down and says they are repaying for their accident via good deeds. Balinor adds that they're going to hire a delivery service in the future. Cynthia gives him her business card, with her home address.

After Cynthia leaves, Ophelia tells Welsh never to bring her back here again,and he sits under his desk and thinks about what he did. Kuviana proposes sending Balinor to Cynthia to positively influence their article, but Ophelia rejects the suggestion. She says they should fill in Barry on what just happened, but he comes around the corner and says he heard everything through the dog, Jingle. Barry is 2'9" with ebony skin, a triangle-shaped cap that looks like it should have a poofball at the end, a big bushy white beard, a twisted white mustache that's exactly as wide as he is tall, and outwardly-pointy eyebrows. A step comes out of Jingle and Barry uses it to get on Jingle's back. He says never to tell the press anything because they always misconstrue it, bringing up the report on when they set a field on fire.

Outside, a town guard is nailing up notices that Joaquin Everset, son of Councilman Charles Everset, is missing, with a reward of 3000 gold for his safe return. Joaquin is human, about seven years old, and has short blond hair and green eyes. He's been missing for 8 hours, with no leads. Welsh is very excited about their new job, and gives them all handmade deerstalker caps embroidered with an owl holding a magnifying glass and their names. Everyone but Kuviana and Ophelia either comes up with an excuse not to wear them, or puts them away when Welsh is out of sight.

There's another knock on the door, and a stout dwarf challenges them to a fight. Wrath accepts, and the rest go watch. Balinor collects bets and sells popcorn. The dwarf, Alfred, is clearly winning, but cuts off the fight, not wanting to be charged with an edict.

Balinor and Wrath go to the bar next door, the Tinker's Tankard. Wrath starts a game of cards, and Balinor flirts with a half-orc at the bar, Langdon, and gets his address in Ivyplace, which is also the district where Cynthia lives.

### Secret scene

After everyone goes to bed, Kuviana astral projects, as is common with her people from the Shadowfell. She goes to meet with her superiors in a blank, dark place, and no longer looks like Kuviana. She now looks dark-skinned and has dark long hair, and looks scary, almost changeling-like. The form of Seelo, in monochromatic tones, appears in front of her. She calls Kuviana Lilith, and says they have work for her. Lilith asks Seelo, a sergeant, what she can do, in a very different accent from Kuviana. Seelo says things have been set in motion, and it's important for Lilith to gain as much knowledge as she can while she's in Haven. They orchestrated the abduction of Joaquin, and Seelo tells Lilith where to find him, so the Bureau can gain people's trust, and with that, knowledge. Joaquin is in a small ruin just outside the West Gate, in a tomb to the fallen champions that came before. In the lowest level there is a wall carving depicting a battle with Siloqui. If she pushes on Siloqui, she'll find a button that will open a chamber holding Joaquin. Lilith is to report back in three days.

## Memorable Quotes

**Sean**: And how old is your character? Have you done the math on this?
**Kyle**: And who did your character fuck? I'm sorry, we're talking about the new one, that's right, sorry.

**Ophelia**: Here's the thing, y'all. Accidents happen, they just happen to us more frequently.

**Kyle**: I'm gonna treat it like I treat, uh the laws in this here land now, which is I'm gonna mostly ignore them until it becomes a problem.

**Stephanie**: I'm taking notes this season. Leaky Tankard. Done.
**Sean**: No.
**Stephanie**: \*cackles\*
**Sean**: No, god no!

**Sean**: What do you say to him? Seduce me, Ben.
**Ben**: Ahhhhhh....
**Kyle**: Come here often?
**Stephanie**: - on yourself, Ben. No one to blame but yourself.
**Ben**: Yeahhh...
**Stephanie**: Are you regretting it now?
**Ben**: Somewhat, yeah.

## Trivia

* There are going to be many secrets from players this season, so the community discord was asked to avoid spoiling the players. This will not work for Kyle, who edits the episodes.
* Stephanie said that the Bear Owl Bureau is basically like the Ghostbusters, and asked for a fire pole.
* Sean gave Ben inspiration for Balinor's voice.
* The party all rolled a d20 to determine who dropped the vase. Stephanie rolled a 6, the lowest, so it was Kuviana.
* Barry has a walking speed of 25 but could create a steel defender construct that has a speed of 40, so he uses it as a mount.
* Alfred had a +4 strength modifier, so his punches did 5 damage.
* Matt got inspiration for Wrath's Vicious Mockery insult.
* Sean took the laws of Haven from the Code Legal of Waterdeep: Dragon Heist, minus the god-related ones.
* Stephanie wrote down the name of the Tinker's Tankard, because she's taking notes this season.
* This episode is the first appearance of all of the player characters of this season.
* Welsh Goodboy, Cynthia Oathheart, Alfred, and Langdon first appear in this episode. Councilwoman Tristania, Timmy Twinkletoes, Councilman Charles Everset, and Joaquin Everset are first mentioned in this episode.