Stone 37

**Chapter 37**

*“The bloodred light of day's death oozed through the bones of trees lining the spine of the next ridge.”*

Behold the first sentence of Chapter 37. If I have to read it, so do you.

We return to Kahlan, who is observing an army of around 5,000, apparently Galeans. These would be the guys who were following the Evil Wagoneers, then. We learn that the Evil Wagoneers' army numbers approximately 50,000, although how Kahlan knows this I don't know, given that she's following an army that's following *that* army. Kahlan thinks about how *“as the Mother Confessor she couldn't allow nearly five thousand men to die to no purpose.”* I'm not sure what aspect of her job as Magical Tyrant dictates this, but given that it has about four or five contradictory definitions, it's entirely possible that “keep idiots from killing themselves” is indeed listed under one of them.

Kahlan, Chandelier, and the Boyz reveal themselves to the army, who recognize Kahlan and grovel before her. Kahlan notices that they are all in their late teens, and starts shouting that they're all children. She grabs the highest-ranking guy there and his two assistants and they go to a tent to chat.

The leader of the Army of Children is Captain Bradley Ryan, and his two Lieutenants shall be known as Looey #1 and Looey #2, because I can't be bothered with their actual names. Kahlan goes out of her way to insult Ryan, insisting on calling him and his soldiers “children” a couple more times, and tells him that she saved them because they were about to *“stumble upon”* the Evil Wagoneers. Ryan answers that they were *chasing* the Wagoneers, and by tomorrow they'll catch 'em.

Ryan describes the maneuver he intends to use, the Hammer and Anvil, which I shan't go into. Kahlan speechifies for a page, \~/ bawls him out, disrepects him, and does everything but tell him he's an idiot. She specifically goes on about how the Evil Wagoneers are hardened warriors and won't scare easily, whereas the Army of Children hasn't even seen actual battle.

Ryan insists that they're going ahead regardless, with Kahlan's blessing or without it. Chandelier, still the smartest person in this series by far, suggests to Kahlan that maybe they should leave these people to their suicide charge and get back to, you know, *saving the world?* Naturally, Kahlan blows him off. \~/

Kahlan declares that she is taking change and sending the Army of Children home, invoking her authority as...I'm not sure. I guess Confessors now have military authority as well, because shut up. \~/ Ryan and his Looeys continue to defy her, insisting that if she wants to stop them she'll have to mindrape Ryan, then Looey #1, then Looey #2, then on down through the army. Ryan then speechifies \~/ for nearly a page about how they're not doing this for glory or vengeance, but to prevent the Evil Wagoneers from murdering, torturing, raping, and crap-arting some other community.

This changes Kahlan's mind, and she decides to stay and help the Army of Children. After badgering Chandelier and his Boyz into agreeing she demands a horse so she can ride into the enemy camp. Chandelier rightfully explodes at this, both because it's incredibly stupid and shortsighted, and because if Kahlan gets herself killed, she's condemning Chandelier to a life of exile. No, I still haven't gotten over that.

Kahlan's explanation for why she has to do this? *“Do you have any idea what it is I'm about to do? I'm about to choose sides. I am the Mother Confessor. If I choose sides, I choose sides for all the Midlands. I commit all the Midlands to war...I cannot do this on the word of these men.”*

I'm not sure how this is committing *“all the Midlands”* to war, but whatever. She says she'll be fine because *“I'm the Mother Confessor. None may lay a weapon on me.”* Pretty arrogant for the last surviving Confessor, methinks.

Oh, and Kahlan herself thinks about how, if she dies, Chandelier can never go home. Nice of her.

So Kahlan rides away on a stallion (of course it's a stallion) and the chapter ends.

Drinks: 4

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