Ploapatopia

Ploapatopia is an approximately earth-sized planet in orbit around the yellow dwarf star Hmukma. It was created by Mar Stargaret under threat from her sister, Moose Margaret. Out of spite, Mar Stargaret populated the planet with a kinky fauna hostile to any outside inhabitants.

To this day, Moose Margaret insists that she created Ploapatopia herself “with a shovel and ten bricks”.

## Timeline

In 1952, Moose Margaret warped away the town of Morris, Manitoba to Ploapatopia in an event known as The Vast HROAF. The Vast HROAF's expenditure of Rapidly Accelerating Moose Particles led to a warping of space and time in the immediate vicinity of Ploapatopia, causing the equivalent of 500 years to advance in the span of two. Bag Margaret was hovering over the Pacific Ocean on Earth during the Vast HROAF, and was uneffected. Presbyopian observers were thus unable to observe the initial development of Mudgementic society as it occurred.

## Physical Characteristics

Ploapatopia is roughly the size of Earth, with an equatorial circumference of 40,000 km. It has a solid iron core, which generates a magnetic field that allows it to hold onto an atmosphere that is around 32% O2, with a CO2 concentration of around 500 ppm, resulting in a much warmer average temperature overall than Earth. Ploapatopia is tilted 35º on its axis, giving its polar regions extreme seasonal fluctuations in temperature and light regime, and putting its tropics at 35ºN and 35ºS, with circumpolar circles at 55ºN and 55ºS.

### Major Landmasses

Similar to Earth, much of Ploapatopia's landmass is concentrated in its northern hemisphere, and comprised of 5 main continents. In decreasing order of size, they are Thorp, Gleed, Krungo, Squoadula, and Spump. Because of the hostility of its fauna to the citizens of Mudgement, the vast majority of major physical features, including continents, oceans, deserts, mountain ranges, forests, and large islands, have been named and mapped by cartographers in the city of Presbyopia as Bag Margaret drifts over the planet's surface.

#### Thorp

Straddling Ploapatopia's equator, Thorp is the largest continent on the planet, and is flanked on its north coast by the West Anarctic Ocean, in the south and west by the Aspic Ocean, and in the east by the Skrelmund Ocean. The Great Dividing Ranges and Rift Valley separate the continent in half, isolating the rainforests and savanna of the western Danglepork Basin from the Whimselbutt and Klegg river drainages and the South Thorpian Plateau. Ploapatopia's only major human-inhabited settlement, the city of Mudgement, is situated on the southernmost tip of Thorp. A notable exception to this is a small collection of villages located on the islands of Tentabag, although these are largely ignored by Mudgemites and offworlders alike. Off the northwestern tip of Thorp lies Ploapatopia's largest island, Fosh, which is separated from the mainland by the Strait of Barnavarn.

#### Gleed

The second largest continent on Ploapatopia is Gleed, which extends from approximately 55ºS to 45ºN, straddling the equator and flanked by the Moosiferous Ocean on its west coast and the Aspic Ocean in the east. The center of Gleed is dominated by the Pipetoad Rainforest, which is drained by the Blorgulotch, Squimbo, and Wilpington Rivers. Each of these rivers originates in one of Gleed's four major mountain ranges: The Quelwet Range to the north, the Lectog Mountains in the east, and the Joftical Mountains in the south. In the north of the continent lies the Perlipoque Plateau, framed by the Quelwet and Cascade ranges. Off the southern tip of the continent and close to Ploapatopia's south pole, there are a series of large islands, including Reelporp, Pumpaset, Pechté, Geezerakto, Sweepy Wewd, and the Goatparty Archipelago.

#### Krungo

Krungo is the third largest continent on Ploapatopia, and is also home to its largest desert, the Spubby Desert, which occupies most of the northern half of the continent. South of the Spubby Desert are the Grimsiproat Mountains, which include the tallest peaks on the continent. In the rain shadow of the Grimsiproats, the Flench Desert is the driest on the planet, but grades quickly into the savanna, dry forest, and rainforest of the Squoozma Basin. The north coast of Krungo is on the East Anarctic Ocean, and the south coast is on the Moosiferous Ocean.

#### Squoadula

Squoadula is the northernmost continent on Ploapatopia, surrounded by the Anarctic Ocean in the north, west, and east, and the Moosiferous Ocean on its south coast. Most of the landmass of Squoadula lies in the Ploapatopian "temperate" zone, and is thus subject to extreme fluctuations in weather with the seasons. The center and south of the continent is arid, dominated by prairie, steppe, and desert, while the east and west coasts are covered in extensive forests drained by large rivers like the Pissbruckle and Slündergreust. Across the north pole from the Squoadulan mainland lies the archipelago known as Noikilivanidov (Lonely Islands), which are also heavily forested.

#### Spump

The other temperate continent on the planet is Spump, Ploapatopia's smallest. Its surface is largely covered by forest, but the east coast of the continent is fringed by the Kwunchkin mountains, which create pockets of arid habitat in the interior. The Kwunchkins extend down into the Moosiferous Ocean and form fjordland dominated by temperate rainforest; the west coast of Spump is on the Skrelmund Ocean. The southern tip of the continent contains a small swath of tundra, among the rarest habitats on the planet.

## Flora and fauna

Aside from the citizens of Mudgement and other inhabitants of Morris, MB, that were transported to Ploapatopia in The Vast HROAF, all of the plants and animals inhabiting the planet were created by Mar Stargaret for the express purpose of harassing people. Animals that have been observed by (and attacked) the citizens of Mudgement include porkloaches, the Chlamydiopteryx, fuctopuses, hactopuses, slurrywursts, queetchers, guæcteryges, thrudgeminks, pumpernels, slunderfucks, mingrels, margaretfuckers, stunch puffins, and the Gunch Loach. Many Ploapatopian fauna straddle the line or gyrate between Gertrusive ratings of R and NC-17.

The Aspic Ocean, the world's second largest, is named after the numerous varieties of sentient gelatin products that float through its waters. A major fishery for Mudgement, this represents a rare instance in which Mar Stargaret's plan to undermine human life on Ploapatopia failed, as she didn't account for the fact that The Vast HROAF occurred during the 1950s, and now aspics are a staple food. The people of Mudgement also smear aspics on themselves as an ineffective beauty treatment, occasionally inadvertently cocooning themselves in the process. Aspic is also a major component of the fluid inside the Voat Hag compression tanks in Presbyopia.

Moose Margaret played a slightly more active role in the introduction and addition of plants to Ploapatopia. The flora that she added was based largely on vague memories she had of visiting earth during the late Triassic period. To this effect, angiosperms are rare on the planet, and people have largely come to rely on such unusual foods as yew arils, ginkgo fruits, pine nuts, fiddleheads, *Ephedra*, and other non-angiosperm-derived sustenance. A notable exception to the preponderance of gymnosperms, ferns, and horsetails is the conspicuous presence of members of the angiosperm family Anacardiaceae, but only those species that irritate human skin. These plants were most likely introduced as an afterthought by Mar Stargaret in a further attempt to antagonize Moose Margaret and the Mudgemites.

### Nonindigenous Fauna

Most descendents of animals that inadvertantly arrived on Ploapatopia when Morris was warped there by Moose Margaret are noticeably different from their relatives on Earth. In particular, most vertebrates have taken on strangely fishlike characteristics, including all species commonly used as livestock on Earth and in Mudgement. Because the native fauna of Thorp and the rest of Ploapatopia is invariably hostile to anyone from Mudgement to the point that domestication is impossible, the people there have had to adjust their diet and culture to include their piscine livestock. One of the more popular animal products to consume in Mudgement is "nilk," an opaque fluid secreted from the skin of Mudgement cows, goats, and sheep.

Notably, all fishes have undergone no obvious morphological or physiological changes outside of the more subtle adaptations to the local environment. Fishes feature prominently in Mudgement culture, appearing in heraldry, as mascots for sports teams, and in idioms; to be "dace-spleened" is to be admirably compassionate and worthy of tremendous respect.

Cats also remained unaffected, and have been the subject of intense scientific study by the Cardinals in an attempt to learn more about how Ploapatopia affects other vertebrates. Horses, too, were physically unchanged when they were transported to Ploapatopia, but after a single generation became dangerously unhinged mentally and escaped into the wilderness of Thorp, where they are the only nonindigenous life form that has successfully naturalized. All encounters with horses in Thorp have resulted in horrific deaths and/or dismemberments.