Back to Cool

**Back to Cool** is the twentieth episode of season two of *The Cleveland Show*. It is the forty sixth episode, overall.

## Synopsis

When Cleveland Jr. bonds with Donna’s ex-husband, Robert Cleveland challenges Robert to a “Coolympics” competition.

## Plot

The episode starts out when Cleveland, who is reading the newspaper, gets stopped by Rallo and Roberta's fighting. Thereafter, Robert comes by to get his alimony check from Donna, taken in cash. The kids, fighting ends up with Cleveland getting hit, then as Robert tries to leave, Cleveland stops and reports to him that if he still wants to get more alimony checks, he'll have to take his kids for a day. Robert takes them along, leaving Cleveland to finally enjoy some alone time. As Cleveland gets relaxed, however, Cleveland Jr. comes and annoys him, which culminates in Cleveland fighting with Jr. to get into Robert's car. Next, now that Cleveland and Donna are alone, they go on their computers.

Later with Robert and the kids, he takes them to a dog fight, and gives them tips if the dogs break out. Later at midnight, Cleveland and Donna realize that the kids haven't come home. Robert returns the kids home, and reveals a new bond between himself and Jr.. Later on, the bonding progresses well, and Robert finds out about Jr's new crush on Joanna, and tells him that he is going to give Jr. the sex talk, but Cleveland does after this. When Cleveland and Donna go to the movies, they see Robert and Cleveland Jr. and his date. When Cleveland Jr. comes home after the movies, he explains to Cleveland that Robert is cooler than him. When Cleveland believes there is no way to earn his son's love back, he is informed that he will try to beat Robert in the Coolympics. He fails, but still has the love of his son.

## Characters

### Major Roles

* Cleveland Brown
* Cleveland Junior
* Roberta Tubbs
* Rallo Tubbs
* Robert Jones

### Minor Roles

* Donna Tubbs-Brown
* Diosanto
* Larry the Leopard
* Squeaky
* Joanna
* Tim the Bear
* Lester Krinklesac
* Holt Richter
* Mayor Larry Box
* Snoop Dogg
* Lando Calrissian
* Tony Hawk
* Loretta Brown (Indirectly Mentioned)

## Quotes

*[Rallo throws a newspaper at Roberta]*
**Roberta**: AAAAH! A homeless blanket touched me!

*[Rallo and Roberta fight their way upstairs as the doorbell rings]*
**Cleveland**: *[Annoyed]* I hope that's a child murderer.
*[Cleveland opens up the door to see Robert]*
**Cleveland**: Close enough.

**Robert**: I'm here for my alimony check, which I'll take in cash.
**Donna**: Here you go, Robert.
**Cleveland**: What? Why are we giving him alimony?
**Donna**: *We're* not. I am. It was the only I could get him to finalize the divorce.
**Cleveland**: I never heard of this.
**Donna**: Oh, that's because I never told you. Remember?
**Cleveland**: Oh, yeah.

**Robert**: Ex-husband. Best job I ever had. Well, second best.
*[Cutaway to Robert, sitting on a chair in a scientific testing room with a doctor]*
**Doctor**: In this experiment, we'll be testing the effects of massive amounts of high-quality marijuana on a man's ability to play video games, while having sex.
*[Two bikini girls come in, with a table that has a TV, a bunch of video game systems, a bong, and a bowl of cannabis on it]*
**Robert**: Science!

**Cleveland**: You wanna keep getting this monthly 'mony money, you gotta do something for it and you can start by taking your kids for the day. *('mony is a diminutive of "alimony")*
**Robert**: My kids? This is alimony, not child support.
**Cleveland**: If you ain't gunna take care of your own kids, then I say, forget the alimony!

**Cleveland**: Roberta, you and Rallo are going-
**Roberta**: With *our* dad. I heard. You always think you're talking quieter than you are.
**Cleveland**: So, will you go?
**Roberta**: I'll go, but I'm keeping my earbuds in the whole time.
**Cleveland**: Wish you had mouth buds.
**Roberta**: See I heard that too-
*[Cleveland slams the door on Roberta]*

**Junior**: Dad, will you check the toilet for monsters? I have to go the sit kind.

**Cleveland**: If you don't like what you're doing, use your imergination!

*[Roberta, Robert, Junior, Rallo walk into the Dilapidated Skate Park, Dogs bark]*
**Robert**: Now, all the dogs are blindfolded, so it's a fair fight. But if they start wilding out, we're going to have to scram right quick. Junior, they'll come after you first, cuz they'll smell your salty meat sweat. But you big, you can handle them.
**Junior**: That genie was right, salty meat sweat was a bad wish.

**Robert**: *[referring to Junior]* Now, I call this kid "Pacman".
**Rallo**: Cuz he's round and eats everything in sight.
**Robert**: Whoa, whoa? Where did that come from? Pacman's good people. Bad Rallo.

**Robert**: See you, Pacman.
**Junior**: Stay black, man.

**Cleveland**: This is just temporary. Like lesbianism at women's colleges.
*[Cutaway gag to a women's college graduation]*
**College Professor**: So let me be the first to say, you are all officially college graduates.
*[All of the college girls turn to the girl next to them]*
**College Girls**: *[all in unison]* We need to talk.

**Junior**: So then Dumbledore put on the invisibility cloak and entered the deathly hallows.
**Robert**: *[laughs]* Oh, man, that's crazy. So, how do you know these people again?

**Robert**: Pacman here taught me morse code. Alright, see you tomorrow.
**Junior**: Dot dot dash dot dot dash dot dash dot dash.
**Robert**: *[laughs]* Oh, you sick!

**Cleveland**: In nature, certain things are meant to fit together. Like a bird in its nest, or a hand in a glove, or a hot dog in a donut.

*[Cleveland gives Junior "the talk" by reading directly off of cue cards]*
**Cleveland**: When a woman truly loves a man, she lies down in bed next to him, takes his most special treasure ...
*[flips to the next car]*
**Cleveland**: ... and cuts it and that's why you have a belly button ... Aaaand, my cards seem to be out of order.

**Cleveland**: Why would you call Robert, "Dad"?
**Junior**: Well, the thing is, and I'm sorry to have to get real like this, but, he's cooler than you, dad.
**Cleveland**: C-C-Cooler!?
**Junior**: Yeah, I mean, when you tried to help me ask out Joanna, your idea, that whole Albino mess, I never stood a chance, but Robert. He knows what women want.
**Donna**: *[offscreen]* Yep.

**Mayor Larry Box**: Welcome one and all to the motherfucking Coolympics.
*[Audience cheers]*
**Mayor Larry Box**: Remember, I never gave enough of a shit to fill out the proper fucking street permits to make this shit legal, so if the semenpuking cops come, run like hell.

**Mayor Larry Box**: And now to judge this epic fucking battle, we've gathered the three coolest-ass men alive, who agreed to be here because they were misled about the nature of this anal shitbag competition.

**Mayor Larry Box**: Our next judge takes a big-ass load of credit, while gravity does all the fucking work. Please welcome the only professional skateboarded in the entire goddamned universe. Tony Co-uh-Hawk.

**Mayor Larry Box**: We move on to your second event. Getting a hot-titted bartender's attention.

*[Snoop Dogg smokes some weed and flies away on his giraffe]*
**Snoop Dogg**: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed!

**Mayor Larry Box**: For our final fucking event and just for a little goddamned tension, let's say whoever wins this shit wins the whole douchefucking thing. Who the shit can get Michael Buble on the cocksucking phone the fastest?
**Robert**: Who the fuck is Michael Buble?
**Mayor Larry Box**: Hey, watch your fucking language, n\*gga.

**Rallo**: *[to Cleveland]* All I wanted to do was make my dad jealous, and you're too lame to even help me do that.
**Robert**: Jealous? Why?
**Rallo**: *[to Robert]* Because you ditched me for Cleveland Junior!
**Robert**: Come on, Rallo. I only spent so much time with Junior because he doesn't have the strong male father figure, you did when growing up. Junior needs help. I mean, look where he comes from.
*[Screen shows Cleveland, lying on the ground in jean shorts, getting pelted by food, thrown by a booing audience]*
**Cleveland**: That's assault! I'm gunna sue you all! You are all under sue!

**Cleveland**: Hey, Junior. Where's your little girlfriend?
**Junior**: Tony Hawk said he was gunna show her how to do a backside ollie, but we all know what that means.
**Cleveland**: Yep. But how did you know if I didn't teach you about the hot dogs and the donuts?
**Junior**: The same way every millennial does. From the Internet.
**Cleveland**: Well, that's understandable.
## Trivia

* The title is a pun on the phrase, "Back to School".
* Cleveland builds popsicle stick houses.
* Junior first gets "the talk" from Cleveland in this episode.
* It's revealed that Cleveland has slept with 6 women, throughout his life and that Robert has had sex with 4 of them. The only women we know of that Cleveland had sex with are Donna, Loretta, and a (possibly female) child molester, mentioned in "The Cleveland Jr. Cherry Bomb". We know Robert had sex with Donna and that he didn't have sex with Loretta. The rest of the women are unknown.
* Junior's Morse code message is meaningless the way he says it, but, if grouped in the following way "dot-dot-dash-dot dot-dash dot-dash-dot dash", it can translate to "FART".
* When Junior was 12, he convinced himself the floor was got lava and was too afraid to stand on it. Because of this, Cleveland literally carried Junior for nine months.

### Cultural References

* Rallo watches *Toddlers and Tiaras*.
* Cleveland tells Robert that he can "Forget the alimony". This is a reference to the historical phrase, "Remember the Alamo".
* Robert gives Junior the nickname "*Pacman*" for helping him win the "*Mrs. Pacman*" game.
* Junior talks to Robert about "*Harry Potter*", telling a story about Dumbledore and the deathly hallows.
* Cleveland's nickname for the Coolympics is "*Lou Albano*", a reference to the wrestler of the same name.
* Robert's announcement of "Science!" mimics the refrain of Thomas Dolby's song "*She Blinded Me with Science*".
* When going to the movies the title card reads "Tyler Perry Presents: Tyler Perry in 'Tyler Perry's: The Tyler Perry Story.'" This is a reference to how *Tyler Perry* puts his name on every movie he makes.

### Errors

* When Rallo says he's going to watch Toddlers and Tiaras, his pupils aren't lined up.