Episode 04 - Fool on the Hill

"**Fool on the Hill**" is the fourth episode of Season 1 of the BBC Scotland television drama, *Takin' Over The Asylum*. It aired on the 18th of October, 1994. Its title is derived from the song of the same name, performed by The Beatles.

## Synopsis

*"The possibility of a discharge means Fergus must find a job. The aftermath of the open day is felt by Campbell, Eddie, Francine and the hospital radio."*

## Plot

***Trigger Warning: This episode includes a scene where a character commits suicide. In another scene, a character mentions someone close to them who also committed suicide. The latter scene is separate from the first.***

Fergus is seen wearing a helmet, grinning as he sneaks into a restricted area. Excitement runs rampant through the halls, as Campbell gathers the patients hurriedly to watch what Fergus is about to do. They all stand at the dayroom windows as Fergus is standing on top of one of the hospital's towers, wearing a jumpsuit and a hang-glider. The nursing assistants sprint up the tower to stop him, but are too late as he jumps off and glides into the air. The patients cheer as he lands outside of hospital grounds, evading the nursing assistants and jumping onto a bus. A doctor, who had witnessed the whole ordeal, asks Isabel what is going on, and Isabel informs her that Fergus is escaping, and does so rather often.

Francine relays on her radio show about Fergus' great achievement, and plays a dedication to him. He soon returns to the asylum, without his hang-glider, which he explains to Isabel is now back where he took it from. She tells him that Dr. Hollis, the doctor who spoke to her before, wants to see Fergus the following day. Fergus carries the mixing table into the station, and the patients praise him as he passes.

Eddie finds Campbell outside reading his mail. He asks Campbell where he's been, informing him that Fergus returned with the mixer. Campbell is dejected, and reveals that since their stunt on Open Day, he hasn't received any responses from professional radio stations. He says he attempted to call Radio Scotland that day, but every employee he phoned was supposedly busy. Eddie suggests that he sends in demo tapes to the companies. Campbell declines, since he doesn't want to "grovel".

Fergus enters Dr. Hollis' office for his appointment. When she arrives, she questions his thought process behind the stunt he pulled the day prior, adding that she felt it wasn't very clever. She notifies him that his section is about to expire, and he will be discharged within the next three weeks. She recognises that his escapist attitude and plans are, whilst nonsensical, well-executed. She tells him that she’s writing a book about schizophrenia and those with high intelligence, and asks if she could study him. He agrees, and she says she'll schedule a meeting before his discharge. Fergus, who assumed he would be staying in the hospital for the study, is confused. Dr. Hollis states that she doesn't see the point in keeping him in the hospital much longer.

Campbell reads aloud to the group the letter he's crafted to send to the radio companies, attached with a demo tape of his and Eddie's most recent show. His wording is improper and not suitable for a professional application. Eddie tells him he can't send a letter like that, but Campbell says he's only trying to get their attention. Evelyn enters the station to check in, and says she'll sort out an electrician to hook up the mixer. Eddie says that Fergus has got it covered, but Evelyn rejects this possibility. She says they need a qualified person, not a patient. Eddie and the others defend Fergus, stating he's rightly qualified with his degree in electronics. Evelyn doesn't budge, and Fergus storms out of the room. She tells Eddie that she'll put in a requisition post haste.

Fergus attempts to break out of the hospital, but Francine stops him, saying that the main door is already unlocked. Fergus mentions to her that he's going to be discharged, and when she asks if he's looking forward to it, he shakes his head. Francine reassures him that he'll be fine, since his talent in electronics will get him far. Fergus says that no one would hire him, as his records state he's been in the mental hospital for the past two years. Francine still encourages him, but Fergus says that Evelyn isn't the only person he has to deal with out in the real world.

At Twinview, Griffin is showing Eddie several newspapers MacAteer brought to his attention, with himself, Campbell, and Spike Milligan at the Open Day. Griffin reprimands him for engaging in 'ridiculous antics,' at a mental institution, and that it's now plastered publicly. He tells Eddie to quit his side job in radio and focus on the salesman business, such as a commercial meeting later that week. He won't bring Eddie along however, unless he leaves his position at the asylum. When Eddie says that he doesn't think he can do that, Griffin tells him that it's either the radio station or his job at Twinview. One has to go.

As Francine is performing her radio show once more, Campbell bursts in to tell Eddie that Radio Scotland have invited them for a meeting later that week. He asks Fergus of his approval, but Fergus dismisses him, throwing out a newspaper he had been reading and exiting the station. Campbell questions his mood, and Francine says it's most likely what he was reading in the paper — job offers. The group devise a plan to construct a fake resume for Fergus, filling out positions for fake companies during the time he's been living at the asylum. Francine says that even with this resume, Fergus would never get away with it, as his he doesn't have any references from a current employer.

Campbell finds Fergus reading and enthusiastically grabs him, telling him that he has forms to fill in. He informs him of his new position as a Systems Analyst, and that he's getting a reference from his current employer. Fergus is confused, and asks who his "current employer," is. Campbell grins and replies, "the Glasgow Area Manager of Twinview Windows, Mr. Edward McKenna."

Eddie finds Francine sitting outside in the cold. He offers her his jacket again, and she takes it. Eddie notices the sardines Francine has, and she says they're for McTavish. She mentions that she's been trying to befriend him, and even pet him last night — but he scratched her. When she tells Eddie that they've given her a day pass, he offers to drive her somewhere, anywhere. Francine says she wants to go to Barbados. Eddie says he can take her to Jamaica Street, and she accepts the compromise.

When Eddie gets home, he finds his grandmother cooking and listening to loud music. He tells her to turn the music off, as it's after midnight and the neighbours will complain. He questions the outfit she is wearing, and she says she went to Lithuanian Club that night. She tells him that she's decided to go back to Lithuania, and that she has already booked a date in November to leave. Eddie believes this to be a bad idea, since she will probably freeze on holiday. His grandmother says she wants to move back permanently, despite that she doesn't have a lot of money. Mrs. Prackhauskas has relatives she intends to stay with, and the only chip in her plan is she's short of three thousand pounds for expenses. Eddie doesn't have that kind of money to give her, but she is insistent on dying in her own country.

Campbell and Eddie drive to Radio Scotland. Campbell is clearly thrilled, in contrast to Eddie, who becomes increasingly more nervous. He continuously contends to Campbell that it's an informal chat, and they shouldn't get their hopes up. This doesn't stop Campbell from hoping however, as he assures Eddie of his current theory — if they buy the two lunch, it's good news; if they buy the two coffee, it's bad news. They enter and meet with Paula, the senior producer for Radio Scotland's entertainment department. She congratulates them on their stunt at Open Day, and asks her assistant to get the three of them some coffee.

After the meeting has concluded, Campbell is infuriated, under the impression it didn't go well as their meeting was cut short. Eddie reminds him that Radio Scotland is still interested, and have offered to let them do a pilot when they have the time. Campbell isn't satisfied, and says he'll take his services to Radio Clyde instead. Eddie tells Campbell that he can't just act like some character in a film, who thinks all of his dreams will come true. In the real world — he says through a metaphor about beating your head against a brick wall — it takes time, pain, and lot of futile effort. Campbell doesn't listen to this and says he still intends to call Radio Clyde. He then notices mail in Eddie's car with Fergus' name on it, and the two run inside the hospital to give it to him.

The others stand around Fergus as he reads his mail. Silence hangs over them, until Fergus reveals he has been invited for an interview with one of the companies he applied to. Campbell and Francine decide to help him prepare, with Campbell offering to give him his old suit, and Francine volunteering to give him a haircut. He turns to Eddie for further support, and says he's all in for being his primary reference.

Fergus is whisked away by Francine and Campbell, leaving Eddie in the station alone. He turns to see Rosalie hiding in one of the small cupboards, refusing to come out. Isabel stops by and asks Eddie if he's seen Rosalie, as her social worker has arrived. He lies that he hasn't seen her, and Isabel leaves to continue searching. He asks Rosalie why she's hiding from her social worker, and she explains that they are trying to send her away to a bed & breakfast. She intends to hide from them until she can get into supported accomodation, which is considerably cleaner. Eddie points out to her that she can't evade them for four months, but Rosalie assures him that she has many hiding spaces. She realises his dejected expression and asks him what the matter is. He tells her the final terms Griffin is forcing on him, and she tells him to just lie. He says he's a terrible liar, and notes that it makes him a terrible salesman. Rosalie suggests to him that he should just do what he has to do.

At Twinview, MacAteer gloats about Eddie's stacked odds with Griffin's ultimatum. He continues to bully him, egging on Eddie to take his anger out and punch him square on. Eddie questions why MacAteer hates him so much. MacAteer replies that he doesn't believe Eddie has what it takes to be a salesman, and is sick of seeing him getting deals and special treatment from Griffin. He then reveals that he has the reference letter the company hiring Fergus sent. Eddie panics and demands he give it to him. Eddie attempts to negotiate with him, even offering up his high-paying sales opportunities. When all else fails, Eddie punches MacAteer in the jaw. He helps him up after, and asks if MacAteer is going to tell Griffin about the letter. MacAteer says he wouldn't, though Griffin would probably promote Eddie to 'Glasgow Area Manager' anyway. Eddie quickly begins to type a reference letter for Fergus.

Campbell is testing the broken mixer, and complains to Eddie that one of the channels is sure to blow during his show later that day. Eddie says that he'll talk to Evelyn about getting the new mixer installed, but even *she* is struggling to speak with the electricians. Eddie asks where Fergus is, and Campbell says he has escaped for his interview. After a breath, he then informs Eddie that he has some bad news. Eddie sarcastically dismisses him, and Campbell decides not to tell him. Eddie's temper rises and urges Campbell to tell him. Finally, Campbell admits that Radio Clyde are out of their master plan to go professional. He admits he lied to them and told Clyde that Radio Scotland had offered them a late-night slot, to see if they could get a better deal. Eddie is furious, worried that Radio Scotland will find out about their lie and give up on their pilot offer. He tells Campbell to stop messing around and ruining things for him, to which Campbell emphasises that they're a duo. When Eddie starts to leave, Campbell tells him that he has an appointment with Radio Scotland already set up for them.

Later that day, Eddie drives Francine to Jamaica Street. They go for a walk, and talk about their lives. Eddie mentions that he was going to be a concert pianist when he was young, but ended up "a loser". He says that his ex-girlfriend, Angela, believed that his career in radio (and Eddie himself) would never amount to anything. Francine reveals that she wanted to become a ballerina, though her parents didn't give her much support. She explains that her father was an alcoholic, and her mother was suicidal. Her mother would continuously attempt to take her own life, her father would take her to the hospital, and they would return enamoured with each other. However, one time her father was arrested overnight, and wasn't able to come home and stop her mother before she took her own life.

She goes on to mention that after her mother's death, her father became unhinged. One time she even woke up to him dumping water on two cats outside fornicating. Her tone shifts somewhat, less jokey and rather serious. She goes into detail about male cats never stopping until they get what they want, and that the female cats make "all the noise." Eddie begins to realise she’s alluding to something else, and when he questions if someone hurt her, she evades him, saying that she's merely taking about "cats screwing."

Back at the hospital, Francine and Eddie enter to find the patients in glorious cheer. They reach the station and Campbell announces to them that Fergus got the job. Fergus stresses that it's subject to references, and Eddie reassures that the letter he made was earnest and complimentary. They celebrate, and even when the channel dies, Fergus knocks it back into place. Rosalie is taken away by Isabel, finally caught and forced to see her social worker.

At Radio Scotland, Campbell and Eddie wait for their meeting. The receptionist mentions that she can't seem to find their appointment booked. In an aside, Campbell reveals to Eddie that he didn't actually formally book a meeting with Paula, and rather told her about it in a letter he sent to her. Campbell begins to fabricate a story to the receptionist that they won't leave, and have flown all the way from Hollywood just to speak with the company. He mentions that he might as well accept Radio Clyde's offer if Paula continues to treat them like this. Paula enters and asks them if they really received an offer from Radio Clyde. Campbell fibs and confirms it, saying that they would really rather work with Radio Scotland instead. Paula tells the two of them to come to the station at 5pm the next day, and she'll get them to record a pilot. As they leave, Eddie is awestruck that Campbell's foolish plan managed to work.

At Twinview, a small get-together is being held. Griffin is surprised to see Eddie there, and asks if he's given up his radio job. Eddie deceives him and says he has. Griffin is elated, and says he's ready to bring Eddie into the commercial side of their business.

Dr. Hollis enters her office to find Fergus already inside. She informs him of the results from some tests he did, saying that his IQ test was graded with a high score. She asks if he's interested in doing a long-term study, where she'll meet with him more regularly, and have him perhaps staying in a residence from time to time. Fergus declines, saying that his future is planned out with this new job. Dr. Hollis says that she has some news regarding that very topic. Apparently, his job asked for a medical reference from his GP, and he reached out to Dr. Hollis for a psychiatric assessment. She tells him that she told them about his schizophrenia, and that she doesn't think he's ready for the kind of responsibility that comes with being a Systems Analyst. Fergus is beside himself. He leaves the office and takes his anger out on a nearby door, before pausing and coming to a decision.

Francine enters the station to spy Fergus attaching the new mixer to the desk. She immediately recognises something is up, and asks if it has something to do with the job. He tells her what Dr. Hollis did, and says he's finished. Francine attempts to stop him as he climbs out of a window and onto the roof. She begs him not to leave, but after he exits, she rushes to the ward door. She screams to Isabel that Fergus is gone, but he's not escaping, and she's worried he is going to do something. Campbell and Eddie enter and she shouts to them what is happening, saying she saw Fergus heading for the tower. Campbell and Eddie race after Fergus, with Stuart and another nursing assistant hot on their heels.

Dr. Hollis looks up to see Fergus standing on the edge of the tower, staring down at the ground as he sways. Campbell, Eddie, and the assistants sprint up the tower to stop him, but they are too late. Fergus steps off the tower, and Campbell screams his name.

At night, Eddie finds Francine standing by the window. She asks him if Fergus is dead, he says yes. After a moment, she then asks if McTavish really is a pregnant female. Another moment's silence, and Eddie confirms. They stare out the window as Eddie places a gentle hand on Francine’s shoulder.

## Cast

### Major

* Ken Stott as Eddie McKenna
* Katy Murphy as Francine Boyle
* David Tennant as Campbell Bain
* Angus Macfadyen as Fergus MacKinnon
* Ruth McCabe as Rosalie Garrity

### Recurring

* Elizabeth Spriggs as Eddie’s Grandma
* Arabella Weir as Paula
* Sandra Voe as Evelyn MacDonald
* Angela Bruce as Isabel
* Kenneth Bryans as Stuart
* Matt Costello as Alastair
* Derek Anders as Billy
* Gavin Mitchell as Hector
* Molly Innes as Margaret
* Nell Brennan as Sheila
* Roy Hanlon as Mr. Griffin
* Neil McKinven as MacAteer
* Ronnie McCann as Lavery
* Paul Blair as Webster

### Minor

* Kika Markham as Dr Hollis
* Alison Park as Dr. Hollis’ Secretary
* Hilary Neville as BBC Receptionist

## Quotes

> An unprecedented amount of ECT was prescribed before it was pointed out that the flying man was none other than our own Fergus MacKinnon, hang-gliding into town to buy our new mixer.
>
> - Francine

> I hope you're no expecting a message from the blue men from Venus.
> No the blue men from Venus, Eddie — The blue-suited bastards from the radio stations!
>
> - Eddie and Campbell

> Campbell, how do you no just send them a demo?
> That would be grovelling.
> Then grovel!
>
> - Eddie and Campbell

> Do you always borrow books without permission?
> Oh, I'm not borrowing, just looking.
> Like you were "just looking" at the hang-glider yesterday?
> No, I was definitely flying the hang-glider.
>
> - Dr. Hollis and Fergus

> I'm sorry, Eddie, but it's no more Mister Nice Guy.
> You haven't tried being polite to them yet.
>
> - Campbell and Eddie

> But you've got brains, Fergus! You've got an education!
> Aye. And a big hole in my CV that says I've been working for the blue men from Venus for the past two and a half years.
>
> - Francine and Fergus

> Loonies do not buy patio doors and replacement windows, McKenna!
>
> - Mr. Griffin

> Tonight I'm bringing you music from 1963, the year Kennedy was assassinated by a lone gunman. It was also the year my brother's front tooth was turned into a sixpence by the tooth fairy, and Hamis in Ward 2 first saw reptiles looking at him through the keyhole.
>
> - Francine

> Campbell, maybe in the films a guy can take a handful of his fragile wee dreams into the big white building and they make him a star. But in the real world, you beat your head against a brick wall until it's bloody. And then, maybe, one day, you look up and you see just a wee crack in it. There's a lot more of my blood on that wall than yours, Campbell, and today I looked up and saw that crack.
>
> - Eddie

> They're gonna catch you eventually, Rosalie.
> But I'm always on the lookout.
> They'll wake you up in your sleep.
> I'll not sleep, then.
>
> - Eddie and Rosalie

> Now you're up on your hind legs like a slobbering wee dog in a butcher shop getting one fat sausage after another from Griffin.
>
> - MacAteer

> Campbell, I've already thumped somebody today. I'll thump you next if you don't tell me!
>
> - Eddie

> What do you think?
> I think you're a lunatic, Campbell!
> Aye, but what do ye think of the game plan?
>
> - Campbell and Eddie

> I wanted to be a ballerina when I was a wean. I used to leap about the house wearing Ma's nylon petticoat, dancing and all that shit.
>
> - Francine

> Poor Ma. She'd shit all over her new nightie when they finally found her.
>
> - Francine

> I'm talking about cats screwing.
>
> - Francine

> And it's business as usual.
>
> - Eddie

> Sometimes you just have to look somebody in the eye and tell the truth that should be instead of the truth that is.
>
> - Campbell

> It's something you're just going to have to live with, like insulin-dependent diabetes.
> Diabetics can get a job.
>
> - Dr. Hollis and Fergus