Rosepaw's Sorrow

“Snakefang! Snakefang! Snakefang!” Rosepaw cheered, raising her voice above the rest of the cats in the clearing. At last, Snakepaw was a warrior. Happiness flooded through Rosepaw as she thought of what an accomplishment it was. Snakefang deserved to be a warrior more than anyone. Sure he was moody at times, and often acted coldhearted, she was sure there was more to him than just that. A slight pang of anxiety shot through her as she thought of what may come next. Today, she vowed, was the day she was going to admit her true feelings to Snakefang. Taking a deep breath, she fixed her gaze once again on Snakefang. By now he was pushing his way through the crowd of warriors, headed straight for the tunnel leading out of camp. “Hey Snakefang, wait up!” Rosepaw called. But he was already vanishing out into the forest.

Rosepaw finally caught up to Snakefang a little ways from the camp, in a small clearing next to a stream. Snakefang appeared to be staring in his reflection in the water, his tail tip twitching slightly. “Snakefang?” Rosepaw mewed shyly, a lump fixing in her throat.

What if he didn’t feel the same way? How could she exist without him, knowing that he didn’t love her too? What if he did, how would she know? ‘Ask him,’ her mind screamed, startling her out of her troubled thoughts.

“Leave me alone,” Snakefang growled coldly, not turning to face her.

Rosepaw pinned her ears, taking another deep breath. “I’m sorry- I just wanted to talk. A-are you alright?” she managed.

He turned his furious glare upon her. “Do you not see? No one cares about me. I am as useless as they say. It is as if no cat remembers what I’ve done for them.”

Rosepaw felt a tremor run through her. This was it, this was her chance! She felt all of the compassion she felt for the tom come flooding in, and she smiled brightly. “I care. I have since the moment I met you.

I-- I love you Snakefang,” she murmured, her face feeling hot. “I always have and I always will. I want to be with you, I want to start a family-- to have kits," she purred, imagining their future together. She desperately longed to be with him, more than she knew, and more than she could put into words. Bravely she met his gaze, anxiously awaiting his response.

But to her surprise he did not seem thrilled by this, but instead bristled with fury. His gaze narrowed coldly, curling his lip and digging his claws into the ground.

“No,” he snarled, whirling to face her, his face twisting in fury. “You are nothing but a foolish young cat, you know nothing of love. You are as blind as all the rest of them! I do not want you, I never cared for you,” he hissed coldly.

A sharp searing pang shot through Rosepaw, and she felt as though she could hardly breathe. Everything she had hoped for was gone, replaced instead by the most pain she’d ever felt in her lifetime. He didn’t love her. He hated her. He hated her more than she knew. She was blind, blind and oblivious to the fact he never cared for her as much as she cared for him. Who was she to think he might come around eventually and learn to love her too? After all she had done for him, after she devoted her whole life to him, what right did he have to turn her away?

“How foolish was I?” she choked out, anger flooding through her from ears to tail tip as she stared at the selfish tom. “Here I was all this time chasing after your heart, but you don’t even have one,” she burst out, her gaze narrowing in an unimaginable amount of anger. At once, she turned and fled, racing in the direction of Fernclan’s camp. She hated him. She hated everything about him. So why couldn’t she bear the thought of having to live without him?

She rounded the corner, her heart pounding in her ears. Something flashed out of the corner of her eye, claws outstretched. Rosepaw let out a shriek, but not before claws met her throat. She could barely feel the pain. Her cry was abruptly cut off. She hit the ground, her world spiraling into darkness.

**\* \* \***

Rosepaw woke with a start, scrambling to her paws. Where was she? What had happened? “Welcome young one,” a soothing voice called out to her. Rosepaw turned, finding herself gazing at a beautiful brown tabby queen. She seemed different than most cats-- almost, shiny. “Where am I? Where’s Snakefang?” she cried, unable to hide her fear. The she-cat’s gaze glowed with sympathy. “You are safe,” she murmured. “I don’t understand,” Rosepaw mewed desperately, “what happened to me?” The brown she-cat approached, laying her tail on Rosepaw’s shoulders. “I’m sorry little one. You have died,” she mewed softly. “No!” Rosepaw yowled, pulling away. “I can’t be, I can’t be dead.” The queen was silent for a few moments. “I know what it’s like,” she mewed, her gaze full of compassion and sorrow. “To lose something you love. To never get the chance to have a family, to raise your kits,” she murmured, her gaze on her paws. After a moment she rose, padding over to the stricken apprentice. “Come, I wish to show you something,” she offered, holding out her tail to guide her. Rosepaw followed blindly, shock and confusion still filling her head. Only moments ago she was bursting with excitement, with love for the tom, how could everything go so terribly wrong?

“Look,” the queen prompted gently.

Rosepaw stared at the place the queen had indicated, her breath catching in her throat. She saw him, Snakefang. She could see everything from here. Her gaze drifted to the clearing in which a matted light brown cat lay, and she recognized her at once. Briar. It was Briar. Her gaze drifted then to the limp form Snakefang was dragging, her once beautiful gaze now dull and lifeless. She turned to the queen, horror filling her gaze. “Why?” she choked out, “why did it have to be Briar?”

The queen almost seemed to wince. “She was misguided,” she mewed solemnly. Sighing, she fixed her gaze on the scene below. “A mother would do anything for her kits, if given the choice. Some aren’t so fortunate.” The queen lowered her gaze, sadness filtering through its depths. “I was never given that chance. Briar grew up without a mother. All she ever had was her distant father, her mentor, and her littermates. When she lost Shardpaw, she fled the clans and sought solace in briefly formed friendships and relationships. As for her kits, she was forced to leave them behind.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Rosepaw mewed miserably.

“Just,” the queen breathed, “try to understand. All Briar wanted was to be reunited with her daughter. She didn’t want to harm anyone, she just wasn’t given the choice.”

“And that makes it right?” Rosepaw demanded, rising to her paws. “I should just forgive her for this because ‘she was misguided’?”

The queen couldn’t meet her gaze. “No,” she mewed softly. “No, it doesn’t.”

Rosepaw turned away bitterly. “Please just leave me alone,” she mewled. The queen dipped her head, silently padding away.

Rosepaw’s gaze drifted back to the clearing in which Briar lay. Another cat was there now, a mottled gray tabby. She watched as the cat turned and fled, Briar calling desperately after her.

Rosepaw turned her gaze back to Snakefang, who had by now arrived in camp. The clan was starting to gather for the vigil. Her vigil. Snakefang was crouched closest to her limp form, his gaze full of pain, guilt, and grief. Another sharp pang struck Rosepaw’s chest. She still loved him. She loved him more than anything.  “Oh Snakefang,” Rosepaw murmured softly, “I’m so sorry.”