Squaremile

**Square-Mile** is a small, seaside village in the deep south of the Louisiana forest and the setting of Comedenti: The Condemned.

## Layout and Description

Square-Mile is a fishing town lying in a canyon enclosed by a wood of weeping willows. The village is very decrepit and bears a creepy atmosphere, filled with run-down buildings and voodoo influence. The village also possesses a bog filled with white cayman alligators.

Square-Mile is a rather uneventful town and one of the few events held is the Party moun Mouri.

### Locations

* Randy's Bar and Barbecue: Randy's Bar and Barbecue is a tiki-themed bar and barbecue restaurant in Squaremile, infamous for its overreliance on local beers, overpriced menu options, patrons bringing their children, overplaying of Margaritaville and Sweet Caroline, and televisions exclusively playing FOX News. According to owner Randy Darren, the reason why he only plays FOX News isn't because of his political beliefs but because of the fact that conservative patrons complained when he played any other news station; said attendees usually scream the lyric "Some people say that there's a woman to blame" whenever Margitaville plays.
* Hanzo's Blazing Bratwurst FC: Hanzo's Blazing Bratwurst FC is a fast food restaurant known for popularizing the "bratwurst dog," a bratwurst sausage in a hot dog bun, virtue signaling Christians, and being considered disappointing by most. Despite the advertising claiming that Hanzo's Blazing Bratwurst FC offers "world famous burgers and bratwurst," critics call the hamburgers "reverse chodes" for being uncompressed and having too many add-ons, the "best onion rings in Squaremile" are ice-cold, and mayor Aydamar is unaware of the restaraunt's existence. Other notable flaws of Hanzo’s Blazing Bratwurst FC are the terribly damaged parking lot, filthy condiment dispensers, tables smelling, the soda machine only offering Pepsi brand items, and every machine, from soda to ice cream, breaking down constantly. Abir has described the food as tasting like a mix of Kentucky Fried Chicken and Pizza Hut and is the only person who is confirmed to say that the food tastes above average, but he has pointed out the lack of mojitos that are depicted on the menu. Playable character Karen Beck is found here, as are zombies Bun Gusto, Edward Clark, Ian Pillsbury, Mario Pistachio, Alexandria Earl, and Love Hun, as well as Titan Cletus Poland.
* Gas Station: The sole gas station in Squaremile is little out of the ordinary and has a convenience store next to it that sells cheap snacks, drinks, cigarettes, condoms and toys, as well as a terrible, excrement-stained bathroom. Frequented by Russian cospiracy theorist Dimitry Stefano, a friend of the workers who predicted the Comedenti attacks, as well as construction workers who need to refuel their pavement princesses, most people only visit Squaremile's gas station if they need gas and condoms.
* Laboratory
* Underwater Ruins
* Ghost Ship Isle
* Boot Hill
* Subway
* Abandoned Reformatory
* Amusement Park: Squaremile Funland is an amusement park that was built in 1959 as a competitor to *Disneyland*, with *Hannah Barbera* and *Peanuts* theming that allowed it to stay in business for decades since. However, the last renovation at Squaremile Funland was done in 1990 and the park was on the verge of shutting down even before the Comedenti attacks; once considered a local classic, the park is now synonymous with crying babies, overpriced food, inaccurate wait times, and sensual couples in lines. Aside from having a dozen roller coasters, Squaremile Funland has a swinging pirate ship, a tilt-a-whirl, a ferris wheel, and a drop tower, along with fantasy and western-themed areas. There is also a water park next to Squaremile Funland known as Squaremile Splash and Slides, with a huge water slide and a swimming pool that is notorious for getting crowded quickly. Playable characters David Erickson and Gantry Fide are found here, along with the Titan Farfour the Performer and zombies such as Carlos Miguel Torres-Ramirez and Cal Elliot.
* Hanzo's Shrimp Shed: Hanzo's Shrimp Shed is the seafood restaurant predecessor to Hanzo's Blazing Bratwurst, considered over-ambitious by most who have eaten there, especially in regards to their non-seafood items. Most connoseurs consider the shrimp and crab salty and greasy while holding other items in lower regard; the pizza is tiny and underwhelming, the "world's #1 hamburger" is burned despite being room temperature, the "renowned hot wings" are messy and crunchy, and their "secret sauce" is a soupy mess of liquid and solid. Other complaints are frequently lodged at Hanzo's Shrimp Shed lacking a vegan and even vegetarian option, hair ending up in the food, very undersized booths with ragged seats, and repetitive 1950's music courtesy of the restaraunt's jukebox. After the unveiling of the restaurant's new "barbecue broiled smoked flamed steamed ham," it was rumored that Hanzo's Shrimp Shed was going out of business, with very few complaints and many people ecstatic that the diner would supposedly shut down, with negative comparisons to Applebees. Despite the mixed-to-negative reception that Hanzo's Shrimp Shed has met, it has stayed in business since its inception in 1947, contrary to its decrepit appearance, stained roof tiles, and tattered seating. Other features of Hanzo’s Shrimp Shed include sticky red-and-white checkered tablecloths, figurines of Italian chefs, poorly-ground salt and pepper, floorboards made of countless different wood types, paid parking, and lightbulbs hanging from the ceiling along with an “Eat” sign with bulbs all over it from a failed try at gentrifying the restaurant.
* Lighthouse
* Construction Site: The construction site is the frame of an apartment complex next to Squaremile K-12, which was built in front of bus routes to the dismay of their drivers, some claiming that the construction should've been delayed to Thanksgiving break because of the fact that no buses would come in at that time. As is typical for a non-urban construction site, the building is surrounded by an orange mesh, a sign with lights and crushed traffic cones diverting oncoming vehicles, a dozen holes dug through the ground, and countless port-a-potties. Playable characters Juliana Ryder and Will Anders, as well as zombies N. G. Ameer, Bill Derek, Phil Mann, maniac Patrick Fatima, mutant Seth Poppyseed, and Titans Shitter and Alexander Serenity.
* Train Station
* Fortress
* Squaremile K-12: Squaremile K-12 is the most popular public school in Squaremile, having existed since 1800 in it's previous form of a textile factory that relied exclusively on child labor. The school falls into the stereotypical pitfalls of public education, with constant bullying and fights, terrible socialized lunches, gum on most surfaces, and overreliance on the *Kahoot!* website for quizzes. In the high school division specifically, there is constant vaping and marijuana smoking among students, frequent threats of school shootings, and the ceaseless popularity of *Fortnite* despite its drop in relevance elsewhere. Squaremile K-12 was the site of the first Comedenti attack that met public attention after two Possessed caused a school shooting, with additional violence courtesy of a Bugbear; many comparable incidents followed soonafter and led to the quarrantine of Squaremile. Playable characters Paola Beretta, Virgil Chadwick, Professor Porter Pooja, Canaan Blaise, and Esme Theadora are found here, along with the Titans Mister Peps and Thomas Jefferson Carver and zombies such as Sapho Killian.

## Behind the Scenes

* Square-Mile is inspired by the city of New Orleans and Newbury from *LEGO Hidden Side*, with the former inspiring Square-Mile's voodoo influence and Mardi Gras (an event associated with New Orleans) being used as the basis of Party moun Mouri.
	+ Dios de lo Muertos also inspired Party moun Mouri, specifically the holiday's theme of death and Mexican influence.

## Trivia

* There is a long-running conspiracy theory that Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun faked their suicide and escaped from *Führerbunker*, going undercover in Spain before reaching Squaremile, where they lived the rest of their days.
* Under the Aydamar administration, Squaremile has become the first U.S. state to criminalize the recognition of Israel as a legitimate state. Many find this ironic given percieved similarities to Benjamin Netanyahu's leadership.