Gee, Officer Krupke

**Gee, Officer Krupke** is a song sang by the Jets after Officer Krupke accuses them of causing trouble.

## Lyrics

**DIESEL**

Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke,

You gotta understand,

It's just our bringin' up-ke

That gets us out of hand

**BIG DEAL**

Our mothers all are junkies

**A-RAB**

Our fathers all are drunks

**DIESEL**

Golly Moses, naturally we're punks!

Gee, Officer Krupke, we're very upset;

We never had the love that every child oughta get.

We ain't no delinquents,

We're misunderstood.

Deep down inside us there is good.

**A-RAB**

There is good

**ALL**

There is good, there is good,

There is untapped good!

Like inside, the worst of us is good!

**MOUTHPIECE** (Spoken, as Officer Krupke)

That's a touchin' good story.

**DIESEL** (Spoken)

Lemme tell it to the world!

**MOUTHPIECE** (Spoken)

Just tell it to the judge.

**DIESEL**

Dear kindly Judge, your Honor,

My parents treat me rough.

With all their marijuana,

They won't give me a puff.

They didn't wanna have me,

But somehow I was had.

Leapin' lizards! That's why I'm so bad!

**BALKAN** (As Judge)

Right!

Officer Krupke, you're really a square;

This boy don't need a judge, he needs an analyst's care!

It's just his neurosis that oughta be curbed.

He's psychologically disturbed!

**DIESEL**

I'm disturbed!

**ALL**

We're disturbed, we're disturbed,

We're the most disturbed,

Like we're psychologically disturbed.

**BALKAN** (Spoken, as Judge)

Hear ye, Hear ye,

In the opinion on this court, the boy’s depraved on account he ain't had a normal home.

**DIESEL** (Spoken)

Hey, I'm depraved on account I'm deprived.

**BALKAN** (Spoken)

So take this nut to a headshrinker.

**MOUTHPIECE** (Spoken)

Ooh, why not?

**DIESEL**

My father is a bastard,

My ma's an S.O.B.

My grandpa's always plastered,

My grandma pushes tea.

My sister wears a mustache,

My brother wears a dress.

Goodness gracious, that's why I'm a mess!

**A-RAB** (As Psychiatrist)

Yes!

Officer Krupke, you're really a slob.

This boy don't need a doctor, just a good honest job.

Society's played him a terrible trick,

And sociologically he's sick!

**DIESEL**

I am sick!

**ALL**

We are sick, we are sick,

We are sick, sick, sick,

Like we're sociologically sick!

**A-RAB** (Spoken)

In my professional opinion, what we’ve got here is a run of the mill juvenile delinquent and juvenile delinquency is a social disease.

**BALKAN** (Spoken)

Ew, Diesel you’ve got a social disease?

**A-RAB** (Spoken)

Bring him to a social worker

**MOUTHPIECE** (Spoken)

Wait, can I catch it by touchin’ him?

**DIESEL**

Dear…

**BABY JOHN**

Kindly social worker,

They say go earn a buck.

Like be a soda jerker,

Which means like be a schumck.

It's not I'm anti-social,

I'm only anti-work.

Gloryosky!

**ALL**

That's why I'm a jerk!

**BIG DEAL** (As Female Social Worker)

Eek!

Officer Krupke, you've done it again.

This boy don't need a job, he needs a year in the pen.

It ain't just a question of misunderstood;

Deep down inside him, he's no good!

**BABY JOHN**

I'm no good!

**ALL**

We're no good, we're no good!

We're no earthly good,

Like the best of us is no damn good!

**MOUTHPIECE** (Spoken, as Officer Krupke)

The trouble is he's crazy.

**BALKAN** (Spoken, as Judge)

The trouble is he drinks.

**A-RAB** (Spoken, as Psychiatrist)

The trouble is he's lazy.

**SNOWBOY** (Spoken)

The trouble is he stinks.

**BIG DEAL** (Spoken)

The trouble is he's growing.

**BABY JOHN** (Spoken)

The trouble is he's grown.

**ALL**

Krupke, we got troubles of our own!

Gee, Officer Krupke,

We're down on our knees,

**DIESEL**

'Cause no one wants a fella with a social disease.

**ALL**

Gee, Officer Krupke,

What are we to do?

Gee, Officer Krupke,

Krup you!

## Navigation

* "Prologue"
* "Jet Song"
* "Something's Coming"
* "The Dance at the Gym"
* "Maria"
* "Tonight"
* "America"
* "Cool"
* "One Hand, One Heart"
* "Tonight (Quintet & Chorus)"
* "The Rumble"

* "I Feel Pretty"
* "Somewhere"
* "**Gee, Officer Krupke**"
* "A Boy Like That"
* "I Have a Love"
* "Finale"