Bradley Is a Killer

**Bradley Is a Killer** is the sixth and final episode of Season 3 of *Letterkenny*.

## Synopsis

Gail's cousin Bradley returns to Letterkenny to be a bouncer at MoDean's II. The Hicks love Bradley. Gae and the Skids reach a crossroads.

## Cold Open

> You're havin' breakfast with your pals the other day… — Wayne
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Katy berates the hungover Hicks for getting so drunk the previous night and becoming the annoying "Scary Darry," "Madman Dan," "Wayne the Pain." Dan's nephew Samuel is becoming a big brother, and Dan hopes this will make him more responsible. Wayne hates that reasoning, and still hates Samuel. Daryl reports that the baby is said to be very smart, which Wayne dismisses as the stupidest thing he's ever heard. Wayne attempts to demonstrate the stupidity with Dan and Daryl. Katy walks in to see him babbling baby talk and jerking their thumbs.

> You suppose you could make the same argument for a dog, but at least you don't have to wipe a dog's poopy bum, do ya. — Wayne
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## Plot Summary

The Hicks enter MoDean's II to find it trashed; Gail had had a rowdy crowd of degens. Daryl suggests Gail could hire the Ginger and Boots to ward them away, but she does not care for the association.

> Choice idea, Daryl. Go ahead and change the name of my bar from MoDean's 2 to Ostrich Fuckers while I'm at it. — Gail
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Instead, Gail has hired her cousin Bradley as a bouncer. The Hicks are thrilled, as they all love Bradley, and Katy loves his pecs, though Gail notes that no one loves Bradley more than Rosie, who is his favorite cousin, then more quietly that she is his second favorite cousin. The Hicks continue to talk enthusiastically about Bradley, the things he says, his celebrity impersonations, and his habit of giving someone "low bones" instead of high-fives or fist bumps.

Over at the hockey arena, Reilly and Jonesy are holding a players-only meeting in the dressing room to announce the addition of two enforcers to the roster. Joint Boy will wear number 28, like Domi, Godard, and Stock before him, not to mention Colton Orr. They tell him to pretend Boogaard wore it, which he and Tyson consider a true honor.

They award Tyson the toughest number worn by the toughest all-around player to ever lace 'em up: #9, Gordie Howe, greatest all-around player in the history of the Show, Mr. Hockey. Shoresy interrupts from the toilet to say that Gretz is the best player in the history of the Show. Reilly tries to clarify that he meant no respect to #99, and that Gordie Howe was the best all-around player, but Shoresy tells him not to nickel-and-dime the Great One.

The conversation devolves into Shoresy chirping Reilly and Jonesy about their mothers. This almost brings them to blows, but the whole team recites all they have done to bring the team together, and they cheer. The Coach enters to motivate the team, presenting a turd in the wastebasket. Shoresy takes credit for the turd, and the Coach calls him a masterpiece.

In the basement, the Skids and Gae bid farewell to each other. Stewart does not want to say adios, because this girl he "kind of used to date" had said it when she dumped him and broke his heart; they bid sayonara, arrivederci, amore, ciao, shalom, and auf wiedersehen instead. Roald, Connor, and Darien bawl. Stewart kisses her fingers and they recite their credo together: "I hate the world, I hate my parents, I hate myself." Gae departs, and the Skids gather in a group hug, sobbing.

Gail and the Hicks await Bradley's arrival at MoDean's, with Katy declaring her intense arousal. Gail teases her about her busy winter, with the models, rumours about Bonnie McMurray's hot tub, and French dudes. Katy agrees, but wasn't going to turn down French dudes. At last, the door opens, and the fawning Hicks shout "Bradley!" in unison. He hugs them and does impressions of Chris Rock and Eddie Murphy, to their delight. He waves to Katy at the bar.

> It's a slip and slide over here, boys. — Katy
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Bradley tells his "second favourite cousin" he has a Haitian taco recipe from his mother to pass along, exciting Dan. He says he prayed for her after MoDean's burned down, and congratulates her on rebuilding. He announces to the others that henceforth he is on degen duty, and the others should relax and focus on having a good time for once. Katy warns that they get super-annoying when drunk, but Bradley insists, with a Chris Tucker impersonation, that they get really, really, really, really, really, really really, really drunk that night.

Katy, aroused by Bradley's presence, looks for an outlet, and asks Gail about the new waiter. Gail invites her to go see for herself. She walks up to him to flirt, and is surprised to see Glen. He waves to Wayne, then says "we're twins!" pointing at their matching hair color. Katy declares that her busy winter is over.

The score is tied at nil with 5:04 left in the third quarter. Jonesy and Reilly take the opportunity to chirp at one of the opposing players, wearing #99, to "make it up to Gretz." Up in the stands, they see Katy has come to watch the game, but the reverie is interrupted by Shoresy and his buddy, who make crude sexual remarks about her.

>  Look at those legs go up and make a complete fuckin' ass out of themselves. — Shoresy
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They want to fight, but try to stay focused on getting the win. They have Tyson and Joint Boy beat the shit out of Shoresy and his bud. Once out on the ice, though, the other team begins to make similar comments about Katy. Jonesy, Reilly, Tyson, and Joint Boy eye each other and drop mitts for a bench-clearing brawl.

On duty at MoDean's, Bradley stares down a group of degens at the door, frightening them off without saying a word. The Hicks are very drunk at that point. Wayne asks him to do impressions and annoyingly giggles. Dan keeps challenging him to a footrace, and Daryl has his shirt up, trying to touch him with his nipples. Bradley tries to push them away gently.

The Skids glumly mourn Gae's departure, unsure of what to do next. Roald asks "What Would Gae Do?" Stewart rallies the crew, saying she would want one more rampage, one "final flaunt for F.A.K.U." They put on their clown costumes and prepare to head out, but it is snowing and -24°C outside (-11°F). Instead of heading out for a spree, therefore, they decide to stay in and do copious amounts of hard drugs.

The hockey game has been called on account of the donnybrook, with the score still at zero-zero. Nevertheless, the team has finally come together, and they consider that as good as a win. Coach agrees.

> I have never been less embarrassed in all my life. *They* are fuckin' embarrassing! — Coach
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He tells Jonesy and Reilly they have a visitor: it is Katy, who thanks them for standing up for her. She wants to get back together— but with just one of them, not both. They are speechless.

The situation at MoDean's continues to degenerate, even without degens. Daryl is still trying to rub his nipples on him, with he and Dan both close-talking, while Wayne asks him to do various impressions while giggling. Finally, Bradley head-butts Daryl and Dan, knocking them out, just as Rosie comes through the door. Stewart sees "trouble in paradise" coming. Rosie begs Bradley and Wayne not to fight, but Wayne undoes his cuffs to start his pre-scrap routine.

## Quotes

* Wayne: That logic is Titanic on the ocean floor busted.
* Wayne: What's the stupidest thing you ever heard in your life?
Daryl: I would like to say, but it's impolite to talk politics at the breakfast table.
Dan: I'd also likes to say, but it's impolite to talk religions at the breakfast table.
* Shoresy: Fuck you, Jonesy. Tell your mom I drained the bank account she set up for me. Top it up so I can get some fuckin' KFC.
* Boomtown: Keeping the big picture in mind, and despite all your honest opinions, which I do appreciate, you could have called my penis "the big picture." That would have been a thrill.
* Stewart: We mustn't marinate in our own misery and misfortune. We mustn't bask in our own bad luck and bitterness. We mustn't soak in our own suffering and sorrow. Gae wouldn't have wanted that.
* Coach: I have never been less embarrassed in all my life. They are fuckin' embarrassing!
* Daryl: From your lips to God's nips, Bradley.
* Reilly: Boys! We've come a long way. Overcome adversity on our quest to finally come together as a team and get one W.
Jonesy: Bulldozed speed bumps, boys.
Barts: You're right, we've conquered. For example, puck bunnies, you little bitch. Yorkie?
Yorkie: Chirping from the bench 101. Scholtzy.
Scholtzy. Don't step on the logo, pussy. Fisky.
Fisky: Sweaters never touch the floor. Boomtown.
Boomtown: Presenting my penis to my all-male teammates in hopes that they will accept me. And then having my penis called "modest," with my all-male team further coming together as a result of seeing my penis. That's the big picture.
Joint Boy: What?
Tyson: Why do they talk like that?
Boomtown: I wasn't finished!
Fisky: Boomtown!
Boomtown: Keeping the big picture in mind, and despite all your honest opinions, which I do appreciate, you could have called my penis "the Big Picture." That would have been a thrill.
Fisky: Boomtown.
Boomtown: Let's get this fuckin' W boys!
* Bradley: You know what we say. Our lips to God's ears, right?
Wayne: Well, we don't actually ever say that, just you.
* Reilly: Is that fuckin' joker wearing number 99, bud?
Jonesy: This is our chance to make it up to Gretz, bud.
Reilly: Hey, 99, you fuckin' loser.
Jonesy: Are you fuckin' serious nines?
Reilly: How dare you wear that number, you piece of shit!
Jonesy: That's the Great One's number, you fuckin' donkey.
Reilly: Think you're Gretzky, you piece of shit?
Jonesy: Gretz probably smashed your mom in the '80s, bud.
Reilly: I'll get the white tape out and turn those double nines into double zeros. You're a fucking nobody.
Jonesy: Fuckin' serious nines?
Reilly: When's Mess get here, bud, you're fuckin' hilarious.
Jonesy: When's McSorley get here, you fuckin' plug?
Reilly: Suck my knob! What a fucking piece of work, bud.
Jonesy: Piece of shit.
Reilly: The fucking audacity.

## Callbacks and running gags

### Introduced

* Bradley!
* Low bones

### Recurring

* Wayne fuckin' hates Samuel
* Allegedly
* Degens hate the Ginger and Boots
* Gail's Haitian taco
* Letterkenny Irish speaking in turn
* "Whose billet sister's a fuckin' rocket?"

## Cultural references

* Tie Domi, Eric Godard P.J. Stock, and Colton Orr, who all wore #28 for their respective teams, were well-known enforcers, as was Derek Boogaard, who died of an accidental overdose while recovering from a concussion.
* Gordie Howe held many records later broken by Wayne Gretzky, and still holds records for most games and most seasons played in the NHL. Hockey fans often debate who was the greater player, as Howe's career began decades earlier, when seasons were shorter and gameplay was different. Gretzky has said he wore #99 to honor Howe, as #9 was taken early in his career, and the two became friends later in life.
* Gordie Howe only scored two Gordie Howe hat tricks—a goal, an assist and a fight all in one game—in his career, both in the early 1950s, as few were willing to fight him later in his career.

## Music

According to Tunefind, these songs are featured in the episode:

* Later by Shlohmo
* Cold Stare by Dead Ghosts
* To You by Young Wonder
* Free Press and Curl by Shabazz Palaces
* Purpose by Bignic
* Murdering Train Track Blues by The Hunches
* Sharks by Cadence Weapon
* One Dollar Bill by Indian Wars
* Good Cop Bad Cop by Flash Bang Granada

## Characters

* Katy
* Daryl
* Dan
* Wayne
* Gail
* Glen
* the Letterkenny Irish
	+ Reilly
	+ Jonesy
	+ Barts
	+ Yorkie
	+ Scholtzy
	+ Fisky
	+ Boomtown
	+ "Teammate 1" (Kyllian Kirkwood)
	+ Tyson
	+ Joint Boy
	+ Shoresy
* Bradley
* Coach
* Gae
* Stewart
* Roald
* Connor
* Darien
* Rosie
* Alistair and the degens from upcountry

## Gallery

Ready to get that WWayne, Bradley, and RosieKaty has a PuppersShoresy and his buddyTyson on iceMitts offBradley loses his coolTime for a scrap