245: Meesa Mo

## Summary

The party work on Raphina's disguise, leave Mo and Hilula behind on the folding ship, and then cross Beartoggle Lake to arrive at the Toggle Dam, a huge structure towering above Beartoggle far below. A bustling scene of fun and merriment greets them on top of the dam and the group are quick to partake of the local cuisine.

## Synopsis

Raphina baulks at the sight of the vast lake between them and the city, hardly believing what she's seeing. She cannot see the dam as they bob gently in the water on the far side of the lake from the city. It's relatively quiet here, with fewer boats.

Will suggests they should transform the folding boat into the ship and get Raphina's disguise ready while they have relative privacy. While Will goes through his disguise kit, Gwen wonders about making prosthetics out of fondant candy. Will finds a fake moustache and considers cutting it in half to make big bushy eyebrows for her. He cautiously asks if he can take out Raphina's pigtails. It strikes them that they could switch her clothes with Hilula's and Will also suggests his old coat, but thinks it might be too much. Raphina reassures him *"This is not a place where 'costumey' is a problem."* Will really doesn't want it to get disintegrated though. Raphina's considers donning Hilula's armour while Will starts tending to her hair, prestidigitating out twigs and bugs as he goes. When finished, Raphina hangs her pony tails straight down instead of up. Noting Will's concerned expression, she says *"That's what everyone has here. Don't worry!"* ignoring the fact that Hilula's hair is actually very short. Will says he likes Raphina's hair down like that. Sheemie says she looks good, in a such a way that it makes Will slightly uncomfortable, given the age difference between him and Raphina. Then he remembers that he has no idea how old Raphina is.

Mo offers his loincloth to go with the disguise. Will suggests that Mo could use some more clothes, but he says he much prefers being naked. Will says he's going to get Mo a full suit and Mo says he's going to get Will a loincloth. Raphina says the local haberdasher sells them. Batthwack and Sheemie don't have any spare clothes to offer. Raphina points out that her clothes aren't really the issue as she'll naturally blend in in town. It's her face that needs disguising.

   The group set about disguising Raphina. They fashion a prosthetic nose for her out of fondant candy, nose rings out of jaw harp parts and apply the fake eyebrows Will made from the moustache in his disguise kit. While he's at it, he also uses some hair styling products to mould Batthwack's hair over his crown in a bouffant style. Will's comfortable that the red suit he got in Morrow's Inlet will fit in here, seeing as the town's are fairly close neighbours.

Will takes Mo to one side and as quietly as he can, stresses to him that he must not let Hilula go, no matter how much she pleads or tries to convince him otherwise. He promises Mo a new suit and money if he doesn't let her go, but Mo also insists that Will get a loincloth too. *"Sure. Okay, yeah, right"* says Will exaggeratedly. Mo threatens to let Hilula go if Will doesn't get one and Will is shocked, saying *"Who are you learning from? This is so devious!"* *"You"* replies Mo. Will gets serious again. *She's bad news. She's a bad guy. If she gets loose, all of us are in danger."* *"If she gets loose, she die"* replies Mo and Will gives a thumbs up. Gwen overhears this last part and reminds them that she's not at all comfortable with that kind of talk. Sheemie's just excited about exploring the city and can't understand why she's so hung up on what happens to Hilula. Mo tries to reassure Gwen that he won't hurt Hilula unless she tries to hurt him or do something to make things bad for everyone. Gwen says that those situations still don't justify it and Mo promises not to hurt her, regardless of what happens. Will *Message*s Mo and tells him it's fine to hurt her and out loud he replies *"I know!"* and Gwen eyeballs him suspiciously.

Doing his best to skirt over this blunder, Will loudly points out how beautiful the lake is, saying *"I think we need to go on the lizards right now to be part of this nature. Oh my god, guys! Look how gorgeous it is! Let's go!"* No-one suspects this is genuine, except Raphina. Mo holds Hilula while they rearrange themselves off the boat, and then Gwen says *"Dang"*, causing the boat to rapidly fold up and then immediately unfold again into it's large ship form. Mo grabs Hilula and easily scales the side of the boat with her in tow. *"Wave goodbye!"* he shouts, setting off all sorts of alarm bells with Gwen. *"I'm not comfortable with the situation. But we'll go into Beartoggle and we'll clear everything up"* she says.

The group paddle their lizards across the vast lake. As they progress across it, the density of the boats on the water begins to increase. There's people in different types of crafts: canoes and kayaks and sailboats with sails of many different colours. As they get even closer to the far shore, they even start to encounter much smaller crafts, like paddle boats. There are pleasure boats and fishing boats milling about lazily. Eventually, approaching the other side of the lake, it becomes clearer and clearer that there is no shore on the other side. It is instead the top of a structure, none other than the infamous Toggle Dam.

Here the number of boats is even greater and on top of the dam, a variety of structures can be seen along it's huge length, stretching a long way in both directions. There are extensive dock infrastructures set up at various point, and buildings of different sizes. From their vantage point on the lake, through the gaps between the buildings they can only see sky beyond the dam.

Gwen suggests they dock their lizards. Raphina says that this is all very unfamiliar to her. Gwen suddenly realises they need to have a pseudonym for Raphina and they come up with Annie Parr ("Anihpar" is "Raphina" backwards), or just "Annie". They spot places where crafts can be parked and as they approach they see a nearby paddle boat rental business with a sign that reads "Paddle Lads". There's also several stalls serving food and the general feel is of this being a place of entertainment rather than industry.

The group pull into one of the docking places and are greeted by a worker there with a cheery *"Hello!"* They are somewhat surprised when they realise the group's boats are in fact lizards. Batthwack and Gwen ask that they make sure to look after them and feed them well. The dock worker asks if the lizards have any special dietary requirements and/or names, prompting Batthwack to reveal that one of the lizards is a vegetarian called Pescetarian. Gwen explains that another of the lizards is called Zim and only eats red meat. Raphina says that the others can eat anything, as long as it's vegan and gluten-free. There's a pause while the dock worker computes this, before she reveals she's only kidding. They roar with laughter. *"Are you from here? That's just the type of humour I'm used to!"*

They ask how long they'll be staying and Gwen says that depends how long their business takes. The worker asks if they'd prefer to be at the commercial docks. He says he'll happily look after the lizards as long as they need. Raphina thanks him for doing this even though it's not his job. Will jokes *"You're the official Beartoggle zookeeper"* but the worker points out that the zookeepers will be at the zoo. Will is pleased to hear about any sign of civilization and Sheemie gives him a hand as he dismounts his lizard and steps onto dry land.

*"Well, enjoy your stay in Beartoggle. If you're heading down to the city proper, the Grand Staircase is up that way"* they say and gestures towards the middle of the dam. *"Can you tell me if there are any Desert Mothers in the centre of town?"* asks Raphina, but they don't seem to know what she talking about. *"They're like the monks. The Desert Mothers?"* The worker says that all the religious temples and things are in Highground. Raphina says the Desert Mothers aren't very religious. *"They're the ones that run everything"* she says, feeling slightly nervous that maybe they've been overthrown while she was way. Gwen offers the dock worker a sticky brick for his trouble, which they happily accept.

Will asks for some paperwork for their lizards, but the dock worker doesn't understand. He says no payment is needed and seems very excited by the prospect of looking after the lizards. They explain that the taxes cover the use of the docks, which is why no payment is required. *"This is the Top of the Dam Docks."* they say as if that's all the explanation that should be required. They can't understand why anyone would come and take something that wasn't theirs. Gwen says *"I think that's a really wonderful state of mind. I really enjoy how you guys treat things around here."* *"My relative was just like that, too. I'm glad to see that things are have not changed much"* says Raphina. Will is a little perturbed by the levels of happiness on display. Gwen wonders about whether this might be a good location for a new candy shop, but is disappointed to hear that they have lots here already. The dock worker says they've never had a sticky brick before though, so perhaps there is a gap in the market. Raphina tells them that the group is here on business. *"We have so many businesses. So many businesses"* says Raphina. She's put slightly on the spot when the dock worker asks what else they do. She hurriedly comes up with something about performing mouth harp music with their noses which somehow infuses the whiskey they produce with a special flavour, and also that they sell bits of Batthwack's hair, which she says grows even faster when you cut it. Batthwack's eyes widen when he hears this.

Will is keen to move on; not feeling like he understands things around here. The party are told that to find the Grand Staircase they need to make their way through the docks and onto the top of the dam itself. It's around midday and fairly busy where they are, with people hanging out and having a good time. Having spent a few days on the river, the party feel overwhelmed by the smells of the various food stalls. Some way down the dam, they can also see a large structure which seems to be built so that it is hanging out over the edge of the dam. Looking around the party see the crowds are populated by a lot of halflings, the greatest density that any of them has ever seen (except Raphina of course), but there are also other races: humans, elves, half-elves, tielfings, and a scattering of dragonborn.

The party's curiosity about what's over the other side of the dam gets the better of their rumbling stomachs, so the group make their way between a couple of the buildings and find a railing at the edge. Peering down they realise how high up they are; it is a very long way to the ground where they catch their first glimpse of the huge city of Beartoggle before them. Will is surprised (and annoyed) to see that it is a perhaps slightly bigger than Tivoli.

Gwen looks around at the food stalls, specifically looking to see if any of them are selling meat. They had just passed a panini stand and a few stalls down is a place serving bowls of spaghetti and meatballs. She goes up and asks if she can have some raw meatballs. The person at the stand asks *"You want just the balls? Like, not cooked?"* and Gwen says that's right. *"Jerry, can we just give the raw balls?"* they call back to someone in the back. A deep voice in the back calls back *"Um, I guess so!"* They ask if she wants the spaghetti with it, and if so, does she want that raw too? Gwen says she'd like cooked spaghetti, but raw meatballs. This is all slightly confusing to them. Gwen explains she just likes her meat as rare as possible. The food is handed over. *"Okay, here we go. Bowl of pasta, cooked, with sauce and... just some of the meat out of the cooler."* Gwen pays a copper. Batthwack spots that next to where he is, they're serving roasted ears of corn slathered with cream. He pays a copper and gets himself some of those.

*"Gravy fries! Get your gravy fries!"* a gruff-sounding voice calls out and both Will and Raphina make a beeline for it. Raphina requests orange cheese on hers and the person working here says *"Oh, that's the only way we serve em'!"* Will pays the 3cp and while the fries are being prepared he eyes the orange cheese suspiciously. Is it made out of oranges? Raphina does her best to reassure Will, saying *"You will like it because when there's something that's leftover, we have a special process to turn it into orange cheese."* She fails. Will waves his hands at the person at the stall. *"Hold the orange cheese! Don't put orange cheese on mine! Just gravy."* There's a very slight pause before Will asks *"What's your gravy made out of?"* The explanation of the gravy sounds perfectly normal, so Will accepts that, but learns that it costs an extra copper if you don't have the orange cheese. *"All right, here you go. Your funeral!"* Noting Will's confused expression, they explain, *"You'll just kill yourself because you don't get any orange cheese!"*

## Trivia

* The episode title is a quote from Eric. The group are discussing alternative name for Raphina, when "Ani" is suggested (the first part of "Anihpar", her name backwards). This prompts a Jar Jar Binks impression, causing everyone to realise that Mo and Jar Jar have very similar voices. KT: *"Mo is from Star Wars!"* Abby: *"He sounded like Jar Jar before."* Denise: *"He's a Gungan"* KT: *"I never realised that."* Eric: *"I didn't either but I love it."* Denise is not impressed, but Eric reminds her who's in charge of this game. *"Who do you think 95% of the population of Carnivar is? It's all Jar Jar."* Abby: *"We're not dealing with that."* Eric: *"Meesa Mo!"*
* This week's episode description describes the Pork Fried Dice wiki as: glorious. It was previously described as glorious in the description of Episode 244.

## References

1. ↑ This exchange about Raphina's hair and Sheemie complimenting her came later in the podcast, but it felt like a call back triggered by Abby asking *"Just so I know, what does my hair look like?"*