The Blade of Aristocracy/Transcript

(Episode begins in an old abandoned house. The Spammers have been kicked out of their lair previously and it is now Corrupted UCP’s lair.)

Whickey: The plan to revive UCP was a complete failure, and now we must find a way to bring him back correctly!

Luis: But how are we going to do that? Because I am wondering. I still am too.

Whickey: Luis, why are you acting so stupid?

(Luis angrily rises out of his chair and takes a few steps forward.)

Luis: I am sick and tired of people calling me stupid! I asked how we were going to do that, and you called me stupid!

Whickey: But you’re always talking like that!

Luis: Oh, so we’re going to talk about speech impediments now? (Points to Gyux) He speaks gibberish, (points at Kitchen) she questions and repeats things, (points at Whickey) and you say you want to “strike at everyone”!

Whickey: What? No! Louie, I didn’t want you to feel bad! I was just wondering!

Luis: Louie?!

Whickey: Well, you don’t like being called stupid, so I thought of the next best thing.

Luis: The next best thing?

(The two begin arguing.)

Kitchen: So are we going to hear the plan or not?

Maps: (Reading a book.) I’ve stopped asking.

(Theme song plays. Afterwards, the scene cuts to Dyaboy separating Whickey and Luis.)

Dyaboy: Guys, guys, come on. What’s going o-

(Whickey slaps Dyaboy.)

Dyaboy: …As I was saying, what’s going on? Air your issues.

Luis: Him and everyone else repeatedly call me stupid! They still do too!

Whickey: Because he says the same thing over and over!

Luis: Sound familiar?

Whickey: But you still haven’t proven what makes you not stupid.

Luis: I’m probably more intelligent than half of you, but none of you ever let me prove it!

Kitchen: You’re the only one who's really been captured!

Luis: Shut up, Kitchen!

Gyux: Skejejeheurjfjfjrmrjrjfufu- (Subtitles: Are any of you guys gonna let me spea-)

Luis: I was matched by someone who has equal power over me. You guys, however, repeatedly fail to succeed against three idiots and a smart dog that speaks the least out of all of them!

Whickey: You’re in on the plans too!

Luis: I would be if you asked for my opinion.

Whickey: WELL WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO BRING TO THE TABLE?! YOU SAY YOU HAVE IDEAS, SO JUST TELL US!

Dyaboy: ENOUGH! Whickey, he has a point, just let the dude talk for once!. We don’t let him speak, we don’t ask for his opinion. Heck, any time he says a word, we call him stupid!

(Silence.)

Whickey: Aren’t you going to tell him how he’s wrong?

Dyaboy: No. You are the only one wrong here.

Whickey: THAT’S NOT FAIR! IF HE HAD ANYTHING SMART TO SAY, HE WOULD SAY IT! HE NEVER HAS AN OPINION! I BET EVEN HOLDING THAT LIGHTSABER DOES NOTHING IN THE FACE OF AUTHORITY!

(The Spammers spectating look over at Luis.)

Luis: If that’s what you believe, then I’ll make sure to alter that claim. I still will too.

(He gets up and heads for the door.)

Whickey: It doesn’t matter. You are weak and stupid, and you contribute nothing to this team.

Luis: We’ll see.

(He walks out of the abandoned house. The scene cuts to the Candle House, where the main four watch the news.)

Reporter: We interrupt this proof with breaking news! UCP has returned, and have taken over the Spammers’ lair!

Candle Man: Well, on one hand, it’s good the Spammers don’t have a cool intimidating place they live in anymore, but on the other hand, WHAT THE FLIP?! HOW DID THEY REVIVE UCP?!

Limefong: I wish I knew, Candle Man, but now there’s twice the threat. We need to remain vigilant. (White fur on his paw spreads.) OW!

Shaduck: What does that mean?

Candle Man: Vigilant? I think it means like, on guard.

(Meanwhile in the background, Corrupted UCP takes food from the pantry and floats away.)

Limefong: Candle Man’s right.

Mystic: Well, those nutcases managed to do it! They revived the worst person ever to live!

Shaduck: (Inhales.)

Limefong: Don’t.

Shaduck: Dang it, I had the perfect opening!

Mystic: This is all your fault, Shaduck!

Shaduck: What?! How is this my fault!?

Mystic: I noticed they took that hair off you when they fled from the hate machine!

Shaduck: That still doesn’t make it my fault! You let yourself get killed so easily from those Spammers when they needed the Stardust!

Mystic: That wasn’t in my control! Meanwhile, you clicked on the link to go to Hell, TWICE!

Shaduck: THAT WASN’T EVEN THE SAME CONFLICT!

Limefong: Guys, guys, calm down. If UCP devastated the Spammers, there’s less of a chance for them to return, right?

Candle Man: I guess…BUT THAT DOESN’T CHANGE THE FACT THAT UCP IS STILL OUT THERE!

(Scene cuts to the top of Mt. Zacariibo, where Luis meditates in front of the ruins of the Wikia Jedi temple. Quick frames from the duel in “Kyber Crisis” flick on and off the screen. Slowly, the debris begins reconstructing itself, and the flickering stops.)

Luis: Whickey will regret the day he deemed me weak and stupid.

(Part of the temple is put together.)

Luis: I will show him that my lightsaber is more than just a light stick.

(The temple is halfway reconstructed.)

Luis: That…is…a…PROMISE!

(The temple is reconstructed, but it has a darker vibe to it.)

Luis: Wikia, let me introduce you to the Wikia Sith temple!

(Pink lightning erupts from the top of the temple as dark clouds gather in the sky. Luis laughs. Cuts to Baghead’s house. In a darkened basement, Baghead meditates, floating in midair above a mat. He trembles a little bit before opening his eyes, having felt the darkness the Sith temple has brought to the kingdom. Scene cuts back to the temple. Luis sits outside with his eyes closed, and suddenly he feels a presence. Turning on his lightsaber, he swings in front of him.)

Luis: Hm?

(Something knocks him over from behind.)

Luis: WHO GOES THERE?!

(An old man with a long white beard and green eyes appears. He wears very light yellow robes.)

Old man: Why, me.

Luis: WHO ARE YOU?!

Old man: The hermit who lives up here.

Luis: Get out of here before I destroy you.

Old man: I can’t do that. I have nowhere to go.

Luis: Then you will die.

(He turns on his lightsaber and charges at the man, but the hermit is quick, using his can to stun and disarm Luis.)

Old man: You overestimate your power and underestimate mine.

Luis: Who… are you?

Old man: Didn’t I already answer that?

Luis: GO AWAY!

Old man: I already answered that too.

Luis: SO WHAT DO YOU WANT?!

Old man: For the person who comes up here to train to do better.

(He disappears.)

Luis: Darn elderlies.

(Cuts to the abandoned house. Whickey stands in front of an easel with plans on it.)

Whickey: Step one in taking back our lair: we split up and use our several secret entrances to conduct a siege.

(He flips the page.)

Whickey: Step two: if UCP resists, we will use our several inventions to subdue him.

(He flips the page again.)

Whickey: Step three-

(Kitchen starts choking. She is in midair.)

Whickey: Kitchen? What’s going on?

(Luis walks into the abandoned house, still choking Kitchen.)

Luis: It seems you forgot about me again.

Whickey: That’s enough, Luis. Put her down!

Luis: Very well.

(Kitchen is released, kneeling on the ground and breathing quickly.)

Luis: It’s not her I want.

Whickey: Are you part of this group or not? Because you sound like you want to destroy everybody.

Luis: ENOUGH WITH THE SPECULATION! I have poisoned this town with the dark side while you guys marvel over a plan that won’t work.

Maps: How do you know?

Luis: I saw UCP before.

Maps: Yeah, so have I, clown!

Luis: No, I mean, I saw him. In my hometown. Many years ago. I watched him as he devastated where I lived. I fled to Wikia, vowing revenge against the person that did all this. I became the protector of this kingdom, but no one ever treated me like I should have been treated, and they cast me aside. Then, I saw UCP again, here in Wikia. He devastated my home again, and I wanted to just obliterate him, but then I remembered how much this town cast me aside. I didn’t know which I hated more, but then UCP died. I joined this team for revenge! Not to be casted aside like when I wasn’t here!

Kitchen: (Muttering.) Nice monologue.

Dyaboy: None of us were casted aside, Luis. You are wrong!

Luis: I am not! Whickey makes you think so, and now I will prove that I’m not the feeble one, but he is.

(Luis activates his lightsaber and charges at Whickey. Whickey somersaults out of the way as Luis slashes the wall. Plaster from the second floor drops and hits Maps. Whickey goes into a closet and comes out with a long metal rod.)

Whickey: Do you know what this is, Luis?

Luis: No.

Whickey: It is a lightsaber, once owned by Baghead Fygarius Brown. A memento of what his previous life was, before it was away from him during the attack on Wikia. From his house. By me.

(Whickey turns it on. Everything in the area is colored a faint blue.)

Whickey: I know how to use it, too.

(Whickey charges at Luis with the saber. Their blades cross once, twice, three times. The others watch as their allies fight each other.)

Kitchen: This isn’t right!

Maps: You seem to be troubled.

Kitchen: Troubled? How can you not be troubled? A dead person has put us on the streets! We should be fighting him, not fighting each other!

Maps: These things have to run their course. The correct person will come out on top, I assure you.

Kitchen: And what happens if they don’t?!

(Back to the duel.)

Whickey: You’re using your rage to fight. It puts you off balance. Less in touch with the Force.

Luis: YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THE FORCE!

(Luis angrily strikes Whickey’s lightsaber multiple times, before finally splitting the saber in two. The bottom half hits the floor. Luis knocks the remaining piece away and pushes Whickey over.)

Luis: Have I shown you what you need to know?

Whickey: You have only shown me how to defeat you.

(Whickey picks up both pieces of the saber.)

Whickey: Perhaps I am Force-sensitive myself.

(Whickey turns on both halves. Now having two lightsabers, Whickey duels Luis, this time much harder. Finally, Whickey cuts off Luis’ robotic hand, which holds his lightsaber, and knocks him over. The rest of the Spammers, knowing what they need to do, point weapons at Luis, forcing him to surrender.)

Luis: I am right. You do not give me enough credit for how powerful I am.

Whickey: You have no power. You do not contribute anything to this group, and all you’ve done is poison it. I order you to leave this place forever, and never come back.

(Luis looks at the Spammers forcing him to surrender.)

Luis: You are all traitors, under a mind who puts some above the others. You are pawns!

Whickey: Get him out of here.

(Kitchen and Maps grab Luis’ arms and pull him out of the house.)

Luis: I will have revenge. I have power! You will all perish at my hands!

(They throw him out. Thunder strikes from far away. Cuts to the Candle Friends, who watch the news.)

Weatherman: It’s gonna be sunny today! The sun’ll be shining until 6:30 tonight!

(Candle Man peeks through the window and sees it is cloudy and stormy.)

Candle Man: LIAR!

(A thunderclap is heard, transitioning the scene to Baghead’s house. The doorbell rings.)

Baghead: Hm?

(He opens the door, and Luis stands there.)

Baghead: Luis. How did you crawl out of the jail this time?

(Baghead activates his lightsaber.)

Luis: I am not here to fight you.

(Baghead deactivates his lightsaber.)

Luis: I am here because we have a common enemy.

Baghead: Wait…what?

Luis: I need your help to defeat the Spammers.

Baghead: Wait a second. This is to turn me to the dark side, isn’t it? You are trying to get absolute power. I oughta arrest you right now!

Luis: Fine. Don’t believe me. I don’t care.

(He begins to walk away, but turns back.)

Luis: The Spammers are hiding out at 9372 Pedia Lane. Go there, and you will find them.

Baghead: How do I know I can trust you?

(Luis turns back.)

Luis: Because I came here.

(Luis jumps out of sight. Baghead is left confused.)

Baghead: What on Fandax was that all about? Hmm… I guess I’ll go check it out.

(Meanwhile, at the foot of Mt. Zacariibo, Luis does a large jump that brings him from the bottom to the peak. He stops, then readies himself for the old man to return.)

Luis: I know you’re there.

Old man: Good.

(He reappears.)

Luis: If you still want to fight-

Old man: Hush. I have a gift for you.

(He hands Luis a double bladed lightsaber painted black. Luis turns it on and it shines a bright green.)

Old man: A Jedi must come with a weapon, and I do not see yours.

Luis: I am no Jedi.

(Luis swings at the man with the weapon, but he disappears.)

Luis: Hmph. Not my color.

(He pours darkness into the lightsaber, and both blades melt into a red gleam. Putting the weapon away, he walks up to the temple and looks up at the roof, which is pointed and topped off with a giant spire.)

Luis: Dark ones of the past, lend me your power.

(The storm grows.)

Luis: Help me show Whickey I’m not one to trifle with.

(He walks into the darkened temple. The temple’s interior has a red haze, and all the pillars and walls from the previous temple are black. He sits down in the center of it all. The door shuts in front of him.

Luis: Wait…

(Darkness rushes into Luis, who moans and screams as it seeps into his bones.)

Luis: The power… (Looks at his robes, which is being lined with red and purple energy.) What’s happening to me?!

(Cuts outside, where the old man appears and sees the storm grow. Meanwhile, the storm grows bigger while Corrupted UCP retakes his lair.)

Corrupted UCP: Ah, everything’s mostly as I left i- eh? What’s going on outside?

(Luis continues screaming as the scene cuts to the Candle Friends.)

Mystic: Okay, this is not a normal storm!

Shaduck: Are you suggesting we fight the storm? We can’t bust clouds for no reason!

Mystic: Well something’s happening, and I want to know what.

(She opens the door and lightning strikes inches in front of her. She closes the door and goes back inside.)

Mystic: On second thought, maybe we should just watch the news.

(Luis continues screaming, this time louder. His screams trail off, and he flops onto the ground and looks at his hands, which are purple and wrinkly. The Sith temple erupts in lighting, covering the entire temple. Luis screams again, and thunder rumbles in the background. The scene cuts finally to the Spammers, who notice all the red and purple energy pouring into the storm.)

Dyaboy: Whoa.

Kitchen: Perhaps we treated him too harshly.

Whickey: We are not afraid of this storm. Luis is weak, and no storm could ever beat us.

(A lightsaber carves a hole into the door. It pops out, revealing Baghead.)

Baghead: What about me?

(The Spammers, except their leader, all charge at Baghead, but with a small movement of his hand, he propels the four straight into the wall, knocking them out indefinitely.)

Whickey: Not if you have a one bladed lightsaber.

Baghead: We’ll see.

(Whickey takes out the two lightsabers, turning them on. The two fight for a long time, and Baghead seems to get the better of Whickey, knocking out the lightsaber in his left hand and slicing the other in half, rendering it unusable.)

Whickey: You can’t win.

Baghead: I already have.

(Suddenly, a big crack of thunder echoes through Wikia, and a giant building in the distance explodes in a giant burst of fire. Cuts to the Candle Friends, who rush outside to see the building fall.)

Candle Friends: WHOA!

(Cuts to Baghead and Whickey, who look outside and see glowing red eyes peek out of the clouds. The other Spammers walk outside and look upon the storm in fear.)

Storm: I AM LUIS! THE DARK ONE OF WIKIA, THE STORM THAT WILL SEE YOUR DEMISE. BUT FIRST, I WILL DEMONSTRATE MY UNDERESTIMATED POWER.

(Up to Storm Luis, he pinpoints Corrupted UCP’s lair, sending a big bolt of lightning at it.)

Corrupted UCP: What the-

(The lightning hits, obliterating the lair and everything and everyone around it.)

Baghead: Did he just…

Storm: YOU NEED NOT FEAR UCP ANY LONGER, FOR I AM THE PERSON WHO WILL TAKE HIS PLACE.

(He sends lightning at the abandoned house. Baghead and the Spammers leap out of its way, but the house has crumpled to dust.)

Storm: THEY LIVE. ALL OF THEM. I WILL SEE TO IT THAT THEY DO NOT.

(More lightning in front of the six of them. A giant bolt comes down and Luis appears in it, walking towards his adversaries.)

Luis: Do you doubt my skills now?

Whickey: I do not even entertain them. You are still weak. You would not win without your lightsaber!

Luis: Too bad it won’t go that way.

(Luis sees his former weapon and crushes it into pieces with the Force, then grabs his own weapon given to him by the old man and turns it on. Luis has definitely become more powerful since the first duel, taking the upper hand almost immediately. The other Spammers rush to apprehend Luis, but he Force-pushes them all away. Baghead watches. Meanwhile, the Candle Friends run out of their house.)

Limefong: How could this be? Luis isn’t that powerful!

Shaduck: It couldn’t be him!

Mystic: It was him. What else could it have been?

Candle Man: He killed UCP! It took an entire movie for me to do it the first time!

Limefong: We have to stop him!

(The storm continues, destroying more and more. The Candle Friends find Baghead and watch the ensuing duel. Luis strikes powerfully and Whickey parries it every time, but Luis finally pushes Whickey away.)

Whickey: See? You couldn’t win then, and you can’t win now.

Luis: The only difference between then and now is that I’ve learned and grown.

(Luis unleashes Force-lightning at Whickey. He screams in pain, but he gets up and charges at Luis. Luis kicks the saber away and cuts off both of Whickey’s hands.)

Shaduck: We have to intervene!

Baghead: No. If they destroy each other, then all danger would be gone.

Candle Man: But what about that prophecy?

Baghead: That is something up to fate to decide.

(Luis takes Whickey’s lightsaber as the latter kneels. Luis holds both lightsabers to the man’s neck.)

Whickey: What are you waiting for? KILL ME! Kill me and take what you so rightfully deserve!

(Luis pauses, then turns off both lightsabers.)

Luis: No. The Spammers need a leader. We are on the same side.

(Whickey gets up.)

Luis: Just don’t underestimate me again.

(Hesitation.)

Luis: After all, chaos is within our REACH!

(Luis turns around and tries to slice Baghead horizontally, but he parries it with his lightsaber and knocks away the blue one.)

Baghead: I’ll take that.

(He Force-pushes the Spammers away.)

Candle Man: Aren’t we going to imprison them?

Baghead: Nah. We don’t need to. Powerful or not, all of their assets have been destroyed. Now let’s see…

(He attaches the blue lightsaber to his orange one. He waves the full lightsaber around.)

Baghead: Much better. Been looking for this weapon for a couple years, now.

Maps: HEY!

Dyaboy: Get them!

(The other four Spammers charge at the Candle

(The five heroes start for home.)

Shaduck: A lot of dark stuff happened today.

Mystic: But what does it all mean?

Baghead: I’ll tell you what it means. Darkness.

(They separate to go to their houses.)

Baghead: (Voice-over.) Nothing like this has happened for years. Since the Spammers have started being a threat, we’ve easily thwarted them. But now, much darker stuff is going to go down. We must be prepared.

(Cuts to the old man watching the storm pass on the top of the mountain.)

Candle Man: (Voice-over.) But hey, at least UCP’s gone for good, right?

Baghead: (Voice-over.) At least that’s in our favor.

(Cuts to the ruins of the lair. Something crawls out of the ruins. It is Corrupted UCP.)

Corrupted UCP: I am the darkness. I am unkillable. Luis and the Spammers will forever be my enemy, for I… am… THE NEW UCP!

(Zooms out on him as he laughs. Pieces of the lair start rebuilding themselves. Episode ends.)