Harry Potter & The Philosopher's Stone

Harry Potter & the Philosopher's Stone is the forty first chapter in the Wombles Eight.

Draco Malfoy woke up in the back of a car.  He was slightly confused, but calm.  He pulled out his wand and said, “Bombarda.”  The roof above him exploded and he swiftly lifted himself out.  He saw in front of him a large man who was aging but not old, he still had his dark hair and moustache and beard, who had clearly been in particularly good shape once, but it was easy to see signs of losing his fitness as he was getting older.  “How do you do” said Draco, “I’m Draco Malfoy.”  “I’m Grandma.” Replied the man, “I thought you were Julian Albert.”  “Oh, so you’re a muggle, are you?”  “I beg your pardon?”  “That’s as good as a yes.  So how did you end up here in Knockturn Alley?”  “I’m not sure really.  My colleague One Ten drove straight through a wall…” Grandma rubbed the back of his head.

“One Ten?  I wouldn’t be going round with him.  That’s a demon I’ve heard of called Olivier Neten.  O. Neten, you see.  One Ten.” “Well what about One Twelve?” “I’ve not heard of him.  He’s probably a muggle, so he couldn’t be dangerous.”  “Are you just going to keep saying muggle or are you going to tell me what it means?” “I’m not really supposed to do that. My boss wouldn’t like it.”  “And who is your boss?”  “Hermione Granger.  Somehow she ended up in the seat of authority and I’ve ended up ranking just below her.  I honestly don’t know why she ever got the vote.  She’s a mudblood, honestly!”  “A what?!” “Uh… a mudblood.  She’s the offspring of two muggles.  I’m not really supposed to say that word, but I don’t see why I shouldn’t.”  “Are you… are you quite sane?” asked Grandma.  “Oh, yes, quite.” Replied Draco, “I’m just a little frustrated, that’s all.  Now, since you’re a muggle, it wouldn’t matter if you broke a wizarding law, would it?”

“Uh…” said Grandma, “No, I expect it wouldn’t.”  “Great!  Then you’re just the luck I’ve been waiting for.  Could you please help me break into Gringotts bank?”  “Bank?  No!  I will not help you steal everybody’s money!” “It’s not money I’m after, Mr- Grandma, was it?”  Grandma nodded.  “Right, anyway, I’m actually after one of the philosopher’s stones.  It’ll prove useful in defeating the danger which is coming very soon.  I only want to save the word, I’m not just some spoilt person who thinks it’s okay to break the law.  But why shouldn’t I be allowed the philosopher’s stone anyway, after all I am the second highest ranking member of the Ministry of Magic.” Said Draco ironically.

“The ministry of what?!?” asked Grandma.  Draco sighed and got out his wand.  “Imperio.” He said.  Grandma’s eyes glazed over and he immediately fell into a trance.  “Break into Gringotts Bank for me and help me to steal the Philosopher’s Stone.” Said Draco.  Grandma began to walk to Diagon Alley, toward Gringotts, so he could do as he was told.  Draco followed silently.

When they got there, two people were waiting.  A man with black hair and green eyes wearing a neat suit and glasses, and a woman with frizzy brown hair and brown eyes wearing a black suit and cape. Draco turned to the man.  “Why’d you bring her?” he asked, nodding toward the woman, “I thought we agreed to keep this secret from anyone except for our dear ones.  Cheating on your wife, Potter?”  There was an awkward silence and Harry and Hermione both shuffled uncomfortably. “Oooh, interesting.” Said Draco. “How’s that going for you?”  “I’m not cheating on Ginny.” Harry said firmly, “But… I did.”  Draco was laughing and Harry was getting annoyed.  “I was under the influence of a man with ESP-like powers, who also happened to work with a woman called ESP.” he said.  “He controlled me by making my love for Hermione the only thing I felt. Then I still felt it after that man stopped controlling my emotions, so I took somewhat of a truth serum so that I could test who was my true love, and discovered that it was her.” “Veritaserum?  But then you would have to be asked the question, and you would just say ‘I don’t know’, wouldn’t you?”  “No, not veritaserum.  It was actually a lie drug, but it proved useful in revealing the truth.  It made it so that you could only say lies, so whatever I said would be the opposite of the truth.  Me and Hermione both took some and said that each other were not our true loves, which meant that we were.”  Draco was a bit confused, but pretended not to be.

“Hermione?” asked Grandma, “Oh, the mu-“  “Shush.” Said Draco while kicking him.  Grandma did shush because he was being controlled by the Imperius Curse.

“So what about the other Weasel?” asked Draco, moving swiftly on from that. “You mean Ron?” asked Hermione. “Okay.  Ron.” Replied Draco, looking annoyed at the fact that Hermione had been allowed to speak.

“Same situation.  I was cheating on him, now I’m not because I broke up with him after discovering that Harry was my true love.”

“So you were controlled by that psychic man as well?”

“Um… No, actually.”

Draco looked slightly surprised and laughed again before saying, “So, shall we get on with it?”  “What exactly are we doing?” asked Hermione, “Harry just brought me here in a rush and said that he’d explain when we got here.  I didn’t expect to be meeting up with you.”  “Uh…” said Harry.  He just couldn’t find the right words to make it sound innocent.  Draco noticed that Harry was lost for words so he explained for him.  “We’re breaking into a vault so that we can steal the philosopher’s stone while the goblins are all at home sleeping.  We need it to kill someone.”

Hermione stared, then said, “Nice try, Malfoy, but why are we really here?” “That is why we’re here.” Said Harry very awkwardly.  “What?” said Hermione, who was now sure that she was just having a strange dream. “Who do you need it to kill?” “Draco will tell you.” Said Harry. “That I will, Granger.” Said Draco, “Something is coming.  Something powerful.  Something very powerful.  Something more powerful than Grindelwald.  More powerful than Voldemort.  More powerful than Trigon.  That something is coming.  That something is coming soon.  That something is coming very soon.  That something is coming very, very soon.  That something is coming very, very, very…”

“WHAT IS IT?” yelled Harry and Hermione at the same time.  Then they looked around to make sure they hadn’t caused a disturbance.  “It is…” said Draco, then he slumped to the floor.  A woman appeared out of nowhere, sarcastically blew Harry a kiss, and then disappeared again.  Harry then felt an invisible force pinning him to the wall, and a voice spoke.

“That thing is Uxas Darkseid.” Said Fauna in a soft whisper, then she let go of Harry and walked away, invisible to everyone around her.  She hopped on her motorbike and people stared as they saw a motorbike driving itself along the alley.