Super Smash Brothers Wii U review

The first Super Smash Brothers game, released for the Wii, was pretty inventive for its time. Good gameplay. Good graphics. Good controls. But it's too bad I can't say the same for this piece of fuck, released for the Wii U.

It is conveniently named Super Smash Bros. for the Wii U. Oh great, now their starting to put *Wii U* at the end of every game title. This is just a sign of laziness.

On to the game. The first problem you'll notice is that all the cutscenes in the introduction were stolen from the trailers or actual gameplay footage. No unique introductions anymore. Another sign of a game being rushed in order to life support an already dying console.

After being witnessed to a horrible introduction, you go to the main menu, which is full of ugly boxes to choose from. The selling point of this game is *Smash*,so let's go there. Another selling point was the 8 player mode. This is the mode that got rid of the Ice Climbers because apparently a super powerful console like the Wii U apparently can't support 16 characters being on screen. So R.I.P. them and anyone whoever had them as their main.

So you go around playing as Nintendo characters and fighting against each other for... no reason really. The game never specifies why they even fight to begin with. They just fight for no purpose I guess. Super Smash Bros. for the N64 explains the backstory, but three sequels later, the current one on the Wii U is pretty storyless and is as empty as the Amazonas.

The main selling point of this game was 8 player battles and Smash Tour. We'll get to Smash Tour a little later, right now we'll deal with 8 player battles. So what is different with the Wii U version here, compared to the knockoff from the 3DS version is that you can play 8 player battles here. All this does is create a clusterfuck of a mess if you wanna play an enjoyable free for all battle, but you end up dying by items or by getting gangbang'd by everyone because the CPUs only target you apparently.

Smash Tour is the main selling point of the game. Instead of creating a sequel to the Subspace Emissary, we get a Mario Party ripoff. Hey Sakurai, ever thought that people don't like free dessert? It's pretty obvious that we are *soooo* spoiled by everything, we don't want useless content that offers nothing new to Smash. I mean who plays this beyond unlocking one of the stages? No one. Because all you do is just collecting shit to power up a character you're probably bad at while the CPUs have characters that you wanna have. You battle if you touch another Mii. Hey, a game I can finally play with my Mii around!

That's pretty much the main stuff over. All the cool side games are in the tiny box no one will ever pay attention to in the *Games & More* box. This is the stuff that Nintendo believes no one cares about, but everyone else cares about because it has more replayability than the main modes. You can check the *Vault* here to check your trophy collection and play more side minigames to earn more of them. You can also customize stages and characters and create Mii Fighters. This allows you to use them it pretty much any mode you want. This is pretty cool, but when you put them in a box smaller than the size of a nickel, no one will ever give a shit about this mode which has more content. As a result, you hardly see anyone play beyond *Classic Mode*.

The *Classic Mode* in this game is as poor as a homeless guy's genitals. You have a setting bar where you can set it to 9.0, being the hardest, or 0.0 being the easiest setting. The harder the difficulty, the more you pay. You also have to pay to play in the easiest setting apparently, which makes about as much sense as giving free cyanide to the public to eat. The difficulty 2.0 is free for some dumb reason.

The first thing you'll notice when playing *Classic Mode* is that you will EVER get any any 1v1 battles. Everything has to be a giant turd fest of 5 player battles. Also you will always have a rival for whatever reason.

There will also be random Intruder Alerts during this mode. All this is really doing is the game flipping you off because the game decides to make you fight giant enemies that do 200% and insta killing you in the one attack the opponent does. Or it can also make the enemies metal and make you have to deal 999% damage in order to actually do something against them.

Whenever you get a *Game Over*, this game doesn't allow you to continue in the same difficulty you left of, instead, it makes you lose 0.5 of a difficulty making it easier the next time you play. All this does is make you waste the money you wasted when starting at the higher difficulty because this game doesn't forgive. It forgets.

Oh, I forgot to mention, out of random after beating the round you were on, the game decides to remove the stuff you worked so hard for whenever you use a *Continue*. What a shitload of Sakurai soup!

Also so much for work ethics.

Once you make it to the final round, you face off against Master Hand and Crazy Hand. Basically the Creator, and the Destroyer, according to Nintendo, Master Hand is God and Crazy Hand is Satan. So why do they work together? So you fight hands bigger than a demolition building. Or you would, if you were playing around the 3.0-5.0 range difficulty because anything higher and he turns into the biggest piece of shit in video game history.

Master Hand orgasms and then turns into Master Core. Basically four phases of black dark matter power magic of a giant man-eater, some weird ugly offspring hybrid of a dragon and dog, and the horrible swords that are nearly impossible to dodge. The fourth phase is the fortress, which is only in 8.0 difficulty or higher.

Once you complete this horrible excuse of a mode, you unlock the character's trophy. Also you can play on the credits for whatever reason.

Yay, more pointless knicknacks!

Onto the events. Basically stuff you do to unlock more stuff. *Event Mode* isn't bad in general, but most of these challenges can range from easy to annoying to stupid fake difficulty.

Now the *Special Orders*. You have between the choice of *Master Orders* or *Crazy Orders*. Both ordered by the hands, both God and Satan, going by Nintendo analogy. There's not much to say about *Master Orders* as the challenges here are straightforward, and you have the option to choose between easy to intense difficulty without being forced to do the more terrible ones.

However, *Crazy Orders* is atrociously atrocious. In here, it's basically get as much as you can and if you die, you lose most of everything you earned there. This would be a great feature, if it didn't have a deathbed on you for every three seconds an item appears and kills you. You also have a time limit. And when you finally fight Crazy Hand, what they don't tell you is that your damage is inversed in the battle. So say you go and fight him at 0%, you'll end up at 150HP. So in other words, it's better to be like at 100% so you have 250HP and have less of a chance of being killed by them. Also hope you get no counter characters like Marth or Plagiarism Lucina.

It doesn't help that most of the stages you're required to play throughout these modes are unplayable as fuck. Like this stage where everything literally kills you in the blink of an eye. How is it that people can't tolerate 75M or the Pac-Man stage, but apparently see this horrible Kalos League stage as a good hazard stage? Oh, another thing, you can't disable hazards for whatever reason.

Not only that, but the character choices for this game were awful, and I'm pretty sure they'll return guaranteed for Smash 5, if it will ever happen. You have terrible characters like Blue Peach, Bowser Jr, Plagiarism Lucina, Rigged Winner Bayonetta, and Advertisement Corrin.

As a matter of fact, until Nintendo can fix the problems from this game and improve upon them for future installments, this gets a 4/10 for being rushed, poorly made, and being a $$$ grubbing for DLC.