Rescue Diaries - Season 2

## A Day at the Aquarium - Character Creation

Man, it's been a real long time since I wrote in one of these diaries. I know Lou Ann only got me this set (which of course is her own diary set targeted to, and I quote, “Little girls who want to be like me!”) to try and antagonize me, but I'm taking it as a show of good faith. She can't be all that bad.
Anyways, sibling drama aside, today was...weird.
I was supposed to go to dad’s fundraiser to show like, good faith or whatever, but for some reason I was hella depressed and pretended to be sick so I wouldn’t go. I really should’ve just stayed home, but I felt the urge to go to the aquarium. Maybe it was because mom and dad would always take me when things were rough. It was like...a small little gift to make us all feel better. The sea lions are always the best. Sunny has really grown from the last time I saw him. Kind of surprised the old guy is still kickin’ it. Wonder if any of the new sea lions there are his kids…
God I’m getting off track. But yeah Khloe and I went to the aquarium today (thanks Anton for letting us sneak out I promise I’ll make it up to you) and things were going...generally ok. But then, some kind of pink-ish gas started pouring in. Thankfully we were further away and didn’t breathe any of it in, but the people who did….
They started to spasm and freak out it was like watching someone have a hella violent seizure. It was scary. I knew something was up so I went to a safe space and started to become Rescue once again (with Khloe becoming Search with her cute lil goggles and bandana fUCK I love her). I know I said I wouldn’t do this whole hero thing, but maybe if dad saw someone else trying to stop him aside from Cyclone (back in the day of course) he would stop all this Whitelight villain nonsense. Hell even Lou is part of the whole thing calling herself Blacklight and doing god knows what. How did they even get involved in being villains in the first place?
Fucking hell I keep getting off track on this damned diary entry it’s kind of annoying and having the opposite effect of what I intended.
Focus Angel focus.
Ok, so, I became Rescue and when I turned the corner I saw the room where the gas was coming from. I hurried up and put up a wall of magic (really need to name the things I do that’s what people do right?) to try and keep the gas from spreading, but then it started to like...get sucked away? And some whiz kid is there with a homemade industrial vacuum suckin’ up all that pink gas.I made sure MacGuyver was safe (fuck I just realized I never got his name how fucking rude is that) and told him I’d be running about checking out the situation and making sure people were ok. He asked me to look for his friend, Mikael, while I was out there. And of course even though the chances were unlikely (even though he sounded kinda cool I mean a metal arm how fucking cool is that) I said yeah sure keep an eye out for us if you need anything yeah and went off.
Didn’t get too far when some other kids ended up with me though. Some kid named Lavender who can like..make portals and shit which honestly pretty cool and opened up some cool new possibilities with my magic (more on that later wink wink) and a gal named...Zip I think? I couldn’t really tell much what her power set was, but she like...made technology become different technology like she turned a fucking phone into a goddamned smoke bomb man how fucking rad is that. And she also did this cool thing with a shark display! UGH!! Dude I gotta up the cool factor all I have is magic and that shit was bomb diggity. Ew gross who says bomb diggity anymore I’m like dad making old man jokes at the age of 18. Bad.
ANYWAYS (seriously Angel fucking focus did I even take my meds today fuck it who cares just get through this)
So Lavender stole a radio from somewhere and Zip (with her cool ass powers my gOD) turned it into a monitor so we can see the security feed. Turns out, some goons in all gray were popping up hauling away these like...animal-human hybrid people and carrying weapons. And they were right behind MacGuyver. Cool.
We rushed back and they just...didn’t seem to notice us? They were focused on something else and probably on caging up these animal-type dudes, but they had these almost flamethrower type of weapons on them. And then fucking...ugh. Lavender...ok so he thought the best way to handle this situation was to antagonize them and called them out. I, whether out of stupidity or worry, decided the best course of action was to take out those flamethrower things. A quick bam bam with magic baseballs (bad nickname come up with a better move name for them) and I got rid of 2 of those nasty things. The other...man how can I even begin to understand. So, I threw my orb (no something better) and the dude shot it with some kind of like...pink goop. And it just….fizzled out my magic??? Like how!! I mean, I know I’m not at dad’s level (even though I’ve been sneaking in some reading on his magic tomes, but his magic is totally different), but that still shouldn’t be possible…
And then the fucker grins like some kind of badass! Now that got me annoyed af.
So here’s where the others kinda started their shit.
Zip makes aforementioned smoke bomb with her phone (which again sooo badass) and while the dudes are confused and shit Lavender busts out his portals like some kind of anime protag and they just start falling through and they’re like sooo confused it was kinda cool I’ll give them that. Then, I had an idea of the fun and never tested variety.
Dad’s tomes mentioned something about allowing the user to augment themselves with magic and doing things other than shooting shit out their hands and whatnot. But, I never really tried that since again our magic is totally different. Apparently he found out through these things called...god what were they? Horrorbeasts? Monsterterrors? HORRORTERRORS! Those. Apparently they like...help him come up with other ways to use his magic but at some price or something I’m not sure, but it kind of worries me that dad has been consorting with these things.
But, yeah, so I make this kickass plan up with Lavender and we put it into action. God I’m getting excited thinking of it again.
Ok, so, while these goons are distracted with the smoke and shit, Lavender makes a portal on the wall behind the smug bastard with the exit being the ceiling above. And I just...got it was such an awesome feeling. I let my magic wash over me. It felt like I was...floating in water. It was so calm and so thrilling. I wanted it to last forever..
But, of course it couldn’t we had goons to take down. So, I turned that calm into pure energy and it. was. awesome! I charged this dude down sooo fast it felt like I was gonna throw up. But, couldn’t let these people see that. So after I gut punch this dickweed through the portal, I chase after him and put everything through to my fist and landed another hit on this dude so I could knock this dude tf out!
It felt like a dream. I loved it.
But, like all dreams reality woke me up and bitch slapped me with a hot load of pink sludge. It...tingled. But it was almost a pleasant tingle? Idk man it was freaking me out. After this dude coated me in his spunk, he turned to the others and threatened them! I was like, dude you made a huge fucking mistake turning your back on me. I started to gather up a huge ass ball of magic in the size of a melon in my hands and flung it! Well, that was the plan at least.
Nothing happened.
Nothing.
How?!
My magic was...gone!
I felt naked like...like someone caught me with my dick out, but instead of laughing they cut it off and fed it to their pet shark. Dramatic yeah, but accurate.
Thankfully, Zip made the shark exhibit into a real fucking shark (with legs!!!!) and the dude freaked and sludged the shark plus them. But, not before Lavender, very heroically (not really but still good on him) saved this bat dude who was trapped in the goons’ cage with some kind of weapon MacGuyver made out of a pole (also cool) it was kinda nice. But, unfortunately the goons got away with someone (probably with more) and we were kinda fucked.
We washed off separately (I took a dip in the wading pool. It was nice. Very...relaxing. I took my time before having to impromptu bathe Khloe. She hates water though it was fucking tough) and started heading out.
We got fucking bombarded with cameras and lights. And of course, who else was there but a rep for Jay Jonah Fallon. God I hate that dude. He just does and says shit for the rating I hate people like him. Exploiting the public and heroes for more views. Fucking go to hell Fallon. They wanted comments, but I wasn’t about to say a thing. I know better than that. Hell they once did a segment about me showing up to one of dad’s release parties in hyper femme with Khloe in tow with some...ugly outfit a designer wanted her to wear on the red carpet. I hated it, but we needed to show solidarity or some bullshit. I know I was 12, but they started harping about how dad was forcing us into like....things we didn’t want to do cuz I was in a stinkface the whole time. Like bitch, first off I’m genderfluid everyone knows this and that outfit was my decision that’s why it was fucking banging. Second, I was mad because Khloe looked ugly!! Don’t make shit up about my dad like that you fucker!
Don’t. Trust. Reporters.
UGH!!!!!!!!!!
But...ugh Lavender gave them a quote and he was fucking loving it. Poor kid. One day the media is gonna eat him up and he’ll be so heartbroken. I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen.
Next thing we know, we get gathered up and taken to Big Team base where Cyclone himself invites us to join his little hero contingency. Which….was flattering I guess and I may as well, but my anxiety was through the roof man. It had been hours and I hadn’t heard from dad or Lou. I was so scared they were involved somehow, but this isn’t their usual MO. It wasn’t...political enough. Or at least not in an obvious sense. But...still. I didn’t really listen to him as he gave us his speech. Thank god Khloe was there with me. Otherwise I would’ve been in total panic attack mode.
I decided to spend some time with the guys from the aquarium and we watched Fallon’s show (barf) and...dad was there. He seemed ok, but they mentioned me and the guilt started eating at me again. It suuucked I hated it so so much. I just felt depressed and I’m working on it with the doc, but I can’t help it when I just...feel I can’t deal y’know?
But...yeah that’s what happened today. I’m home now and Khleo is sleeping on the bed. Heh, she took up all the room I think she’s had a rough day. I may pick up the bass again since I can’t really sleep right now. I been thinking of going into music, but I’m not sure. If this hero thing works out, maybe I’ll focus on that more. Who knows. I know I have to pick up some way to make money now that I’m a freshly new grad from highschool. Maybe I’ll just take some basics at the local college and take a class or two for music.
Abuelo used to say I had a knack for it. I guess that’s the only reason I kept up with it. I miss my family sometimes.. Dad and Lou don’t really understand why I celebrate Dia de los Muertos and hold it so dearly. But, it’s the only time I feel connected with them again. Sure my magic and music helps somewhat, but when there’s a day of the year where our dead come back to visit us? Of course I hold it near and dear.
Guys, if you’re watching, and I know you are, please keep an eye on me. Now that I’m part of this team, I don’t know where my future is heading. And with dad and Lou...just keep them safe. I know they’ve done some bad things, but Lolis always used to say, “Nadie es verdaderamente malo.”
I miss you guys..

## Take me out to the Ball Game

Today was...actually not that bad?
So...ok my memory is slightly foggy (what else is new) so I can’t say for sure how, but I ended up at the baseball stadium where I guess they were quarantining a bunch of the victims from the whole pink gas debacle. It was...anxiety inducing and I won’t lie if Khloe wasn’t there I would’ve freaked the hell out.
But, I met some interesting people today! I met Dom, who looks kinda scary, but he also seems sweeter than pecan pie. He’s also...kinda cute. Like, really cute. There was also a gal named Rekken who was essentially Elastigirl if she was also an android of some sort (fucking sick dude these people are leagues cooler than me) and she seemed nice! Oh, and a guy who towards the end decided to go by Bestiary which is kinda sick, but I worry about him. I don’t know his whole story, but he seems to be extremely guilty about how he was “the cause” of T-day, but I don’t think anyone can blame him if he was used and abused. I mean...he didn’t develop the gas and distribute it. It was those...god fucking shit hole what was the name? Monochrome? Gray? Whatever.
But, the most adorable little bird gal came up to us asking for help in finding her mom and I swear my heart melted. She. was. Adorable!!
She was cuter than a piglet in a mud pit and was so scared without her momma I darned near let my southern out just to calm her god bless. Thankfully, Khloe and I were able to soother her nerves and even played with her a tad! Maybe it’s just cuz...I saw myself in her. I was so scared and alone without ama y apa. It didn’t help that the rest of my family was there too. I was all alone, with no one to help. Until Jack at least. He’s been a good dad.
Anyways, we played for a bit and she started to seem happier. When the others called over saying they found her mum, I picked the lil darlin’ up and plopped her on my shoulders. Apa always used to do that with me. Made me feel like he was a hero. I’m just glad we found her. But, oh gosh my heart near broke, the mom didn’t recognize her. It was...rough. Thankfully Beastiary was able to explain the situation to her and she was really understanding. Thank god.
Oh, and then some dude in a uniform came over and was...kinda nice, but also very distant. They were gonna lead the mom away, but we just had to reunite mom and daughter I promised this girl we would.
Before I could even come up with an idea, Dominik grabs Beastiary and flings him over the fence. It was...kinda really fucking cool.
But, I guess things can’t always be cool and work so hell starts breaking loose.
He ends up landing on the mom and these pricks (sorry) all pull out tasers and taze the poor guy. I swear it was like...almost 11 of them so that shit had to have hurt. But, it also ended up affecting mother dearest and I swear these people just don’t think do they.Poor lil gal had to see all that so of course she starts bawlin cuz they just hurt her momma. I calmed her, thankfully, with a song my ama would sing when I was scared. She’d sing it nonstop until I fell asleep. I was hoping it would work even if people who only speak English wouldn’t really understand it. And, it did! I may actually perform it at like...a hipster bar or something. They eat foreign language music up.
But, yeah. All that happened real fast and they carted in Beastiary and momma. So, kind of a success! I’m chalking it up as one. Someone has to see the bright side right?
One of the uniform folks came in with them (the nice and distant one from before) and was...helpful. He was able to wake them up with like some smelling salts or something and mother and daughter were reunited at last. It made me..happy. I felt like I actually helped instead of doing nothing. Oh, and nice soldier dude we decided to call Sherman. Well, he decided, but he originally gave us a serial number or something and yeah no one will really remember that too well. He seems nice enough. I don’t think today was the last time I’ll see him.
We had a bit of free time though and I was able to talk to Dom a lil. He seems...really sweet. He also seems really worried. I don’t know much about him, but I want to. I also did something I probably shouldn’t have when first meeting someone. I, for some reason, decided that a hug would make him feel better. I mean...he accepted it and I swear I almost fainted from how strong he is, but I really loved it. I think I needed it as much as he did. I also offered to get him a phone since he for some reason doesn’t have one. Also, not to self, try and convince him to shower more. He smelled a bit. Not like...terribly bad or anything. But I’d say he skipped showering this morning. Still really cute.
Ok I have to move on.
So, we find out shit is still kinda bad at the highschool, so we (plus Shermy) decided to head over there and deal with the remaining gas. Things got...not bad, but not ideal either.
I called us a Lyft, but my dumbass forgot that my name on Lyft is Angel! Thank god my picture wasn’t there or the driver would’ve called me out. He thought we were going to a costume party so we rolled with that. Also another note to self, make another Lyft account under Rescue just in case. I like these guys well enough, but...I’m not ready to tell them who I am. I can’t. Not yet.
I also forgot to mention I called Dom my friend in his face and hooooo boy I swear I am just...not thinking am I. I mean, I like him, but I only just met him?? Pull it together Angel this isn’t some High school crush this is serious hero biz! Kinda. I mean...it would be nice. No! Stop! You aren’t a kid anymore!MOVING ON.
We got to the school and apparently Shermy pulled some strings and got some people there to help us out with the gas. Yay! And also turns out he’s 1 clone of many. Oof. That must be a big ol’ bag of identity crisis. But, I just met him so I can’t say.
We get in with some kinda...I guess hazmat suits and industrial vacuums and get to work. And, despite riding a high of hell yeah I just helped a lil girl and her mum, I fucked up my magic!
How?!
I swear I am...so good with my magic and a simple Singularity failed and made things worse. Kill me.
Thankfully Dom & co. swooped in saved the day yay gas is gone hooray.
I just...I’m good at things. I swear. But, apparently, I’m just not that great at being a hero.
I’m also omitting a lot of details (like Dom carrying me and Khloe while hoping over a fence good gOD that was so fun) because I just...wanna make music again.
I’ve been doing that more and more. Who knows, maybe when I get comfortable with the group I can hold a lil jam sesh with people at my place. We can have all the food and drink we want. I could...have some friends.
Friends, huh?
Yeah right.

## Life at base..

Damn things just get more and more interesting with these people don't they. Not always in a good way mind you. I just...feel so out of place here I’m starting to think I bit off more than I could chew.
I guess like any retelling the story should start at the beginning.
I decided to visit the base because...god why did I visit. Was I bored? I mean I didn't have any classes today and sure I had some homework but it wasn't anything too terribly time consuming anyways. I guess I'll chalk it up to boredom or something who knows.
But, yeah I'm there bored as hell and grooming and taking care of Khloe (duh) when the power just kinda cuts off. Now I don't know much about these kids Cyclone keeps around here, but I for one like keeping to my own business. I am not about to be a part of any cliches or “investigating” the threat like fuck no I'm just gonna stick to my business and my business alone thank you goodbye.
But, one of these kids starts screaming and cursing up a storm like it's the next damned coming of Jesus or something. So now, I'm worried and have to go make sure they didn't do something stupid cuz someone has to be a goddamned adult around here. Turns out it was over a game which like...gorl. *Gorl*. It's a game calm down don't scream to high heaven cuz Gerolt (who knows if I spelled it right) didn't get any.
Then...things got kinda weird. Even for these yahoos.
Some kind of E shows up on screen and then a robotic voice pops through the speakers saying something about a door and “doing that is unwise” so now everyone is kind of...idk scared?? Worried? All I know is now I'm worried to high hell as well as pretty annoyed cuz now I'm stuck with a bunch of kids I don't know (I'm sensing a pattern here) and some kind of threat is looking over us almost literally.
One kid (fuck I also forgot their names this is like MacGuyver all over again) rushes up ahead while the rest of us kind of calmly proceed. Now we're in front of some sealed door and there's some other kid there trying to get through. No one really knows what to do but we all agreed that maybe whatever is passed this door is mega connected to this voice especially since it tells us not to go through. Leroy over here decides they should go through the vents (another cliche like wow) and after this like….Madoka gal does some fucking blinding transforming sequence (I swear I heard Sailor Moon blast through the speakers. Also note to self schedule an appointment with optometry those lights may have worsened my eyesight) she helps Leroy and Other (who are these kids seriously) get into these vents with her giant fucking sword. Which...I guess was cool?
Look I'm kind of writing this with a lot of frustration and insecurity in my mind so events of today are skewed and probably not 100% accurate please don't hold me liable to today. I am also very, very, very, annoyed.
I kinda wanna...not remember today? But if I don't write about this shit how else am I gonna get shit out not like I have much other ways.
So yeah they come back after a bit and surprise something is in the vents. Everyone is kinda stumped so I just...offer to do something so experimental I didn't even know if it would work!!
Why?!
What am I trying to prove!!
They're kids I don't have to associate with them outside of this!
What was I thinking?!
So, I do that, and only after some kid tells a story about how some “mysterious stranger” saved him from being trapped in a room by college kids (I honestly completely forgot about that incident that poor kid man why are people such bullies thank God I was around) was I able to get it to work. I think my mental state is seriously fucked for me to not be able to do something like this. Like...I know dad even has trouble going through solid objects, but I *know* our magic is different I mean look at how long it took him to master self manipulation and I did it my first try. So I *should* in theory be better at other theories or experimental things like the Singularity or the Shockwave and hell I’m even trying some other shit Khloe which is also highly experimental, but it *could* make me more useful to the team *if* it works.
Again it’s all experimental I never had a reason to really use my magic until the whole dad is secretly Whitelight thing.
So, I’m able to do that (which is probably the coolest thing I’ve ever done by the way) and when I get in...fuck how can I explain it. Look it isn’t that it was super fucking weird like someone in there or alien robots looking to blow up the base. But, someone was hacking us?? Oh God I just remembered the lamest thing I have ever said.
I was opening the door and the voice (whose name I kinda already forgot) told me not to open it.
And I…
God
I said.
***Look at all the fucks I give.***
KILL ME!
That’s so lame!
I could’ve said something like…”Mom said not to talk to strangers” or like “Sorry, I don’t take orders from mysterious voices.”
You know what those are all lame I’m lame someone kill me.
Moving on, I get the door open and this fucking death trap laser gun pops down and starts shooting at us. Cue Leroy jumping and flipping to go rip it off and cool enough crisis averted. And then another one arises as we try and figure out how we’re getting hacked. Cut to tiny killer robots and we’re just...fighting them off. I think a sword goes in a vent at some point and though I’m fuzzy on details they either went away before or after everything got unplugged (whose idea was that it could’ve fucked up everything) but regardless they went away and we stopped them from getting personal info on everyone. Yay?
But, since shit got unplugged we had to make sure all the entrances were gucci. I didn’t even know there was more than one entrance. But, me and Hyena ended up going to look for the uhm….tunnel entrance? Which I guess is a secret entrance?? But of course we have fucking jack all of info on how to get there so we were wandering for a hot minute.
At least I got to calm the kid down. He seemed really...stressed or something. He asked me if this place was supposed to be safe why did this happen. Dude I don’t...fucking know man. I gave him a small spiel on oh well we’re heroes this is what we do we totally got this. Meanwhile in the  back of my head I’m positively brimming over the top of my anxiety slash panic meter and all I can think about is getting this shit over with so I can go home cuz I clearly don’t belong.
But, at least he seemed good enough. At least one of us was..
I just remembered, this voice started to annoy the shit out of me. She asked me about Khloe *by name* and oh **hell** no.
First of all, how.
Second of all, why.
Third of all, if these Big Team fuckers somehow found about about my real identity without my knowledge I am going to raise all kinds of hell consequences be damned.
So I just...played it off like whomst?? I don’t know her. :)
Thankfully Yena doesn’t know her real name (thank fucking god I’ve been so careful about our identities I don’t want ANY of these people knowing who I really am that would be so so sooooo bad Fallon would have a field day and then dad and Lou would know I’ve been working against them for a while now and I’m starting to panic fuuuuuuuck) so I was able to pass it off.
COOL.
I was also kinda...not thinking? And started talking to her?? Like...I guess it worked which whatever fine, but I just...ugh. I told her I play bass which hey it shouldn’t be a big deal right, but my music is sacred. Hell even my classmates don’t know I play cuz I’ve been super careful to only take music theory and other non playing classes for now. I just...don’t want people to know ok. I don’t want anyone to know anything about who I really am. I need to keep secrets I need to seem like all I do is be a hero I need everyone to think that I am not a civilian.
If they do, then word can get out and my entire world will fall apart. Everything I worked for and everything I forced myself to become will be in shambles and no one will be around to pick up the pieces except for me. If people find out Angel is a hero who has been antagonizing Whitelight and Blacklight, dad and sis will hate me and for all I know home will no longer be safe. And then, if Angel stops being around Jack and Lou Ann rumors will spread and if rumors spread dad’s reputation will be on the line and if that happens he’ll lose everything he worked for and that could just make him into more of a villain.
I can’t let that happen. I won’t let that happen. I *refuse* to let that happen.
...I got off track.
So...we ended up at some kind of robotic room and the only way to get in was to give her another secret. Yena had the somehow amazing idea of telling her we all hate tomatoes. And then some...actually kind of fun stuff happened even if it was a mess.
She lets us in and we are *pelted* with tomatoes god it was great. So of course I have to play it up that oh no my weakness how could my best friend betray me argh and it was just. An experience. Out of the corner of our eye, we see some kind of button and while I’m “dying” I made a swan dive for the button and she shut off.
Thank fucking god.
And I guess Khloe felt a lil peckish so she started cleaning my face up from tomato gore. Never change you funky little puppy.
Oh and we ended up getting a call from...someone sent by Cyclone.
They were supposed to help somehow, but I think it was a lie. For all I know these Big Team people did this themselves to “test” the new kids and honestly I don’t need hazing into being a “hero” ok. Its like they don’t trust us or like we need to keep proving our worth. I don’t know, but something smells fishy to me.
Also Cyclone isn’t answering my calls or texts. I have to figure out how Khloe’s name was in the system.
God life is weird. And I just...can’t talk to anyone about this. At least I still have Khloe. She’s my rock and I don’t know what I’d do without her….
I just wish I had a friend to talk to about all this. Someone who wouldn’t judge or pry or try to solve my problems for me. I just...need someone my age who will listen.
I’m tired of keeping secrets.
Maybe one day that person will come into my life.
But.
Until then.
I’ll keep all the secrets I need to so I can keep everyone safe.

## Everything Stays - Time Passes 1

I started playing more music again. I kind of forgot how fun and relaxing it is.
So, Big Base got a music room installed. Which is nice, but it was kinda barren. I guess Cyclone isn’t too musically inclined or behind the times cuz it was all Elementary school music shit. Little maracas, the two wooden sticks, recorders, harmonicas, all that good stuff you mess with as a kid.
I...had to change that.
Sorry Cyclone, but we aren’t little kids. We need real shit.So one day, while everyone was out, I had some fun and redecorated.
I was able to get some outside (and discreet) help in moving all my gear to Big Base. I was keeping them all in a storage unit and had to practice there so I’m sure the others were happy to know that their noise level would be going down.
I brought everything like I am not joking around.
Midi-fighter and respective DJ equipment (yes including the speakers)?
Here.
Drumset?
Duh.
Guitars?
Hell yeah.
Basses?
What’s a music room without them.
I also bought a lot of other equipment since I mean hey it’s a music room we need these things.
Got it all soundproofed as well so we don’t disturb the entire base.
I also got us some couches and even a futon for me whenever I feel like staying the night. Also had to get some locked cases for Abuelo’s guitar and Dad’s bass. I know Lou Ann would’ve gotten to them (again) if left at home so I just brought them over.
It looks nice, honestly. Got some nice tvs in here now, a stage, all the instruments I could think of (plus a suggestion box on how I can improve this room), and I even got us a pet snake!
Her name is Morene and I love her. She is big and sweet and has the biggest and best terrarium I could get her.
It feels good. At least I was useful for something.
Most other times I tried being a hero and helping the team it backfires and makes things worse. But music….
Music is something I can understand and something I can do right by. I think I’m gonna go play something in here now that I can. Gotta bring out the bass now ain’t no stopping me.

## Rainbow

I done goofed.
Well, not entirely, I guess or as one would imagine a goof-em up to be.I just keep feeling so out of place here. I probably got in way over my head with joining this whole “Big Team” thing. But, I guess I’m here regardless for better or worse. Things are just...annoying I guess. I don’t like feeling useless. Which is probably why I’m going so hard on the music thing. Dad has acting, sis has modeling, and I have music.
Moving on from happy drama fun time..
Good ol’ Big Dad Cyclone called us into the office with some news that Dr. Eaton (I just got the name holy shit) wanted some help with a bunch of science stuff. Basically blah blah help with a cure blah blah gaggle of furries.
I did take some trail mix though (which I never really gave to the furries will fix that shortly) and then we were off.
I think my memory is starting to get affected by..something. I can’t seem to remember a lot of things anymore. All I remember is….falling elevator, flying team dude, cure.
I think Natasha Bedingfield was there? Or was it Jewel..
Both?
We’ll go with both.
If I can remember anything it’s a good ol’ classic emotional song that reeks of puberty, tears, and EMOTION.
And the rest is still Unwritten.
Kidding.
So, we spoke with Eaton, I guess, and I guess he also told us what he needed? Apparently there’s a gaggle of furries in the park whose cooperation he needs blah blah blah.
Cool.
I got us another Lyft (same driver from last time I swear it’s a little creepy) and we went about our business.
Apparently the driver is allergic to Khloe, but I thought the whole being dead thing would have made her not trigger allergies? More you know I guess.
Also just realized, I don’t remember my team from today. Well, save for one, but we'll get to him in a bit.
We got to Furry Central (trademark) and had a slight issue getting in. Mister Law and Order decided to go on a whole speech about why we should be allowed in and why the gaggle should help and he just went on and on and on and ugh dude fucking chill out. If he wasn’t moderately cute I probably would have put him on my Lou Ann list.
Grinds my gears man, grinds em real good.
Thankfully, some...person name dropped Big Team sponsored by Cyclone and I guess that’s all they needed? Hooray victory achieved. Our prize? Big beefy escorts to the head honchos.All I remember about them is there was a couch for me and Khloe and something happened Law and Order got heated (again) and I offered trail mix. I think. Maybe not? Or...maybe yes?? I’m almost certain a giant rooster ate some nuts. Ugghhhhh why is my memory so bad!!
Maybe I’m just....not as into this whole hero thing as I wanted to be. After all my only incentive was dad and sis. If they had a hero stopping them here and there maybe they’d give up the whole villain schtick. I think I only saw them like...once though and they’ve either been making no moves or Cyclone doesn’t care.
Regardless, I now have a new charity organization I have to participate in, but this time powers are ok. Same ol’ swan song though. Do good things, be moderately praised, keep secrets.
Rinse.Repeat.
I think we got some leeway with the big guys though and were starting to get shown around the lil makeshift village. They’re doing a decent job so far. Could use help though. That reminds me I should talk to dad about the Niccals Foundation helping these people out with supplies. They really need them. They also have lil knicknacks they make and sell around the city I’mma try and buy some.
I bumped into an interesting lil fursuiter though.
A nice nervous sheep pal. Who goes by, surprise surprise, Sheep. So original.
Apparently, these furries were having a concert planned by some band of amateurs called The Mockingjays which 1 cool name 2 they have concerts?? But they uh...flew the coop so to speak and now they needed a new act to fill the nest they left.
And here’s the goof. First of...well not many, but it felt like a LOT.
I, for some reason, offered to play for them. On a stage. In public. Which I’ve never done before. With nothing but me, my guitar, and my bass.
What. Is. With me.
First I forgot that my Lyft account still has Angel as my display name, but thankfully they didn’t ask questions so cool I guess. And now I offer to play in front of this gaggle of fursuiters gone wrong when I not only have zero public experience, but they also very much don’t trust humans so that’s real fucking neato.
Ugh I swear this whole hero thing makes me stupid and all my common sense goes out the window and into a tornado full of fuck you staring me, Angel Martinez-Niccals in all my knob slobbering glory!
FUCK!
I have enough social anxiety as it is I don’t need to add onto that with live performances. Hell I even check all the rooms at Big Base before I do anything in the music room I don’t want these puber-teens and superpowered kids seeing me reach into the cases or read the suggestions in the box then they’d know I was a part of the damned room!
Breathe Angel breathe. Think of Khloe, and dad, and sis. And Morene. Good ol’ Morene. I fed her earlier and she just gobbled that frozen mouse straight on up. Love her.
Ok...I’m at peace.
So, we do that and I guess we had to go to City Council for some shit. Turns out we gotta help Furry Central become an actual independent body of some sort so they can all live there legally. And then they’ll help. Who could’ve seen that.
Then things happened we went into acting counselor Commissioner Gordon where Law and Order became more Criminal Minds. No, nit a good enough reference. Dexter? Hm...Oculus? God I can’t even make a good joke right now.
Point is he started threatening Gordon.
Which to be fair Gordon kinda threatened his family first which I get, but maybe don’t threaten this dude back?? He’s kind of the Commissioner and we’re kinda not legally lawful heroes so maybe kinda reel it in when talking to people. I swear man I have to be the adult every single time.
I was able to somehow calm the situation down with the help of...Susan Storm (I know that’s not his name, but I can’t be bothered with these kids there’s so many and I have enough trouble with my memory as it is) and the good man accepted a peace offering of, you guessed it, trail mix.
Talks happened etcetera etcetera and now we have to come back with Susan using her Chameleon powers to make us look like normal kids. At least I got a cute lil kitty crop top and some bangin booty shorts. Might try to actually buy some like it. Or just have one of Lou Ann’s designers make me some. I was Hot with a capital H man. Men beware, you’re in for a scare. The...sexy kind.
Fuck it.
Things happened, the good Commissioner got grabbed and I, like a god dAMNED IDIOT. CHARGED IN AND PUNCHED THE METAL ARM APART.
GUESS WHAT WAS WAITING FOR ME PAL.
ACID.
Have you ever had acid fall upon your glorious skin having it *eat away at your flesh until nothing remained*. No? Yeah it isn’t fun.
After that all I remember is searing pain and nothing else.
Look around and apparently everyone else handled the threat of a giant metal crab thing while I was blinded by pain and ***RAGE*** and let the healing thing kick in. Thank you dad.
And now...I’m here.
Back at Furry Central waiting for my set to come up so I can sing some music. Alone. In front of all these people. Who hate humans.
## Wish me luck.
*Angel walks up to the stage with the light blinding him. With his grandfather’s guitar in hand, he speaks into the microphone, addressing the many victims affected by Transformation Day.*
“Good evening. I uh...I know I’m not no Mockingjays, but I was hoping my music could reach y’all.”
*With a sweaty hand, he gripped his guitar closer and attempted to steady his breathing. So many eyes were on him. Waiting. Expecting him to fail. Even so, he made a promise. And a Martinez never breaks a promise.*“This song, is one about finding the light and making your own happiness. It helped me after a rough time in my life and if nothing more I just uh...I-I hope it helps some of you to at least find some color in the darkness.”

*“I used to live in the darkness*
*Dress in black, act so heartless, but now*
*I see that colors are everything*
*Got kaleidoscopes in my hairdo*
*Got back the stars in my eyes, too, yeah now*
*I see the magic inside of me*

'*Yeah, maybe my head's fucked up*
*But I'm falling right back in love with being alive*
*Dreaming in light, light, lights*

'*This kitty cat lost her mind*
*Been lookin' for a star-sent sign that I'll be alright*
*Look to the skies*

'*I’ve found a rainbow, rainbow, baby*
*Trust me, I know, life is scary*
*But just put those colors on, girl*
*Come and play along with me tonight'*

*I'd forgot how to daydream*
*So consumed with the wrong things, but in*
*The dark, I realized this life is short'*

*And deep down, I'm still a child*
*Playful eyes, wide and wild, I can't*
*Lose hope, what's left of my heart's still made of gold*
*And I know that I'm still fucked up*
*But aren't we all, my love?*
*Darling, our scars make us who we are, are*
*So when the winds are howling strong*
*And you think you can't go on, hold tight, sweetheart*
*You'll find a rainbow, rainbow, baby*
*Trust me, I know life is scary*
*But just put those colors on, girl*
*Come and play along with me tonight*
*You gotta learn to let go, put the past behind you*
*Trust me, I know, the ghosts will try to find you*
*But just put those colors on, girl*
*Come and paint the world with me tonight*
*…”*

## Caught in the Middle

Where to start with today…
I guess...god fuck man idk.
I will say this, this day and outing was not as bad as the last few I’ve had. I felt more...in place with everyone (minus one) so that was a plus, but I really think it had to do with the people involved rather than the situation at hand. It was just...god I don’t really know how to sort my feelings out in this. I’ll try though.
We got an anonymous tip that some shit was gonna happen at the First Big Halcyon Bank. And the dream team (minus one) was formed.
The Morrigan, a cool magic gal who seems to share my interest in hugs and also ~MAGIC~. I think we could be pals. She seems sweet and friendly.
Wild Thang, a kinda beefy (and cute) guy who can turn into animals? So. Fucking. COOL! Man these people are leagues ahead of me how can I keep up.
Dom, who I will nickname Osito at this point cuz he’s just...so nice. So cool. If I was going through any rough patches I would talk to him first. Even though I don’t really know him too much so I mean, yeah.
And….the poser. Ok, not a poser I guess, but he seemed to be leaning into the whole cowboy thing too much. I think he called himself...something idk I honestly could care less about him. Too violent, too brash, and too annoying.
Regardless, we all arrived at the bank together and some others were apparently tipped off as well. I think they called themselves...Star Studded? Idk man these names are all kinda weird I mean Big Team really? Bad. We really need better PR or something.
Thang gave us these really neat bracelets that allowed us to connect our thoughts. Which honestly, sick. Love it. And after that, the only girl on Star Studded started talking to us. I won’t lie though I started tuning out especially when her and Clint Eastwood Reject (I’ll nickname him Reject for now harsh I know, but I just really don’t like him) started, ugh, flirting. I’m all for having crushes, I say as mine on Osito has only increased even though our interactions have been non-existent, but when your thoughts start turning into that maybe you should reel it in a bit. Thank god Osito smacked him up (the first of many) or I would’ve done it myself.
We started searching about to try and find a clue to our lead, but in all honestly I just kept tuning things out. I don’t know why, but my mind has been racing a lot lately. Time is blurring and my thoughts are racing. They don’t seem to stop and all I can do is watch on as my life goes by.
...fuck that was good let me write that in my song journal make it into something. I could call it….Blurred Vision. Fuck yeah that is good I am definitely saving this. I can make this into a chorus.
~~~~~~~~~~
*Angel quickly takes a break from writing in his Lou Ann Niccals diary to pull out his Song Journal. It’s an old leather journal with the name ‘Lolis’ stitched in. Its pages have been burned and charred and the leather is old and faded. He opens it up and moves aside a photograph of a young boy and his parents. The photo seems to be burned on the edges and stained with many tears. Before setting the photo aside, Angel kisses it and whispers “te amo” before putting it down and turning to a blank page.*
*Some of the earlier pages are letters and notes from his deceased family. His grandfather even wrote some songs for him and noted that he hoped one day they could play together before his time came. Other pages are filled with original song ideas written by Angel himself.*
*Some song possibilities have been named as:*
*‘Missing You’ - Dia de Los Muertos symbolism litters the page with each skull made to resemble his lost family; there are 10 skulls in total*
*‘Panda Gum’ - there are little drawings of red panda ice pops and bubblegum; it is listed as a fun pop song made with MidiFighter*
*‘Hydration’ - there are drawings water bottles and hearts with some drawings scribbled out; notes indicate it’s a love song and is the latest addition to his journal*
*There are a few more, but he moves onto an empty page where he starts to write in his new project, ‘Blurred Memories’.*
*“*
*Piano w/ cello accompaniment - maybe phrygian? maybe a more upbeat tone? will explore music later gonna focus on lyrics and possible choruses*
*~~I have a new life/ new friends new beginnings to make~~*
*~~But things/ just keep moving/ and I’m making mistakes~~*
*~~And now a new light/ is coming from in me~~*
*~~And on/ the other side is Big Team~~*
*~~But~~*
*- bluh why am i working on a verse; doesn’t fit well and feels unnatural*

'*My memories are fading/ and I can’t stop them from*
*Disappearing/ and fading/ and being gone*
*All I can see is/ light and/ colors of*
*My brand new future and the feelings/ that it could cause*
*And all I say is*

'*Someone save me/ stop me and end me*
*Someone save me/ stop me and end me and*
*If what I dream is/ no longer around*
*At least I’ll feel at home when I am gone*
*At least I won’t cause harm when I am gone*
*- good concept; could use work; sounds more like...i can’t find the words but it feels too familiar like the rhythm has been used with different words; find something else or change the rhythm*
*Time is blurring and my thoughts are racing*
*They don’t stop and my life keeps speeding by…*
*- I’ll...work on this some other time. It’s a much sadder song and more personal so this could take some time.*
*\*Angel then scribbles in burning film reels and clocks hoping it will give him some ideas in the future\**
*“*
*Angel puts his parents’ photo back in the journal before wrapping it back up and putting it away in the Music Room’s desk drawer. He knew it wasn’t the safest place, but for now it would have to do. He never left anywhere without it anyways so it would always follow him. He now turns back to his diary and takes a deep breath before returning to his previous activity.*
~~~~~~~~~~
I’ve really started getting more into my music haven’t I? I never get tired of seeing Lolis’ journal. According to ama, she made the journal herself and wrote an entry for me to read when I feel down. After that, everyone did. I think I’ve read every single letter a million times by now. I’m glad something of them survived the fire.
Moving on, thing started to blur for me, again.
I think...we talked to security at some point. Tried to see if we could gain access to their cameras. Of course, they wouldn’t and even the Guard in Charge didn’t do much. This is when Morrigan started to show her stuff. She somehow went invisible (can I do that? I never really considered testing out new magic possibilities myself. I know hers work different, but maybe I can learn some tips from her) and sneaked in.
Meanwhile, us men (and one boy) tried to do something else. I think...we talked to the teller to see about going back. Reject did the first and probably only good thing and talked them down from pushing their lil police button. I’m...almost certain Osito smacked Reject up the head again. 2 now.
Which reminds me actually why I started disliking him in the first place.
Dumbass pulled out his fucking guns as soon as we walked in! Dude!! Are you dense?!
Doing that shit just makes us look like the bad guys jesus fucking christ can you **not**. I’m sure Osito smacked him for this too. Up to 3 let’s see how long this goes for.
That was the first of many mental breaks today.
But...yeah I’m not sure what happened after that too much. All I remember is Thang turning into a mouse and Osito launching him up into the vents (this dude must’ve been a football star in high school man he kinda reminds me of my first crush. Ian was one hell of a star…) and to be honest I don’t think much else happened after that.
Oh!
Before Morrigan went off, Search gave her a lil kiss for good luck! Good dog, best friend.
I think sometime after the yeeting of a mouse, we got telepathic word that vault 3 was emptied. Shocker.
I think we decided to regroup and I had Khloe track her down. I think we ended up having to go through the back and the tellers gave us another look, but I guess we convinced them to let us go through.
We ran into some other guard who looked frantic who I will name Dink for now. Reason will be made obvious soon.
After a nice regroup, they let us into the emptied vault. And, wouldn’t you know it, Dink locks us in! I think by now I reached a breaking point cuz I actually threatened him I think. I can’t tell I was blind with rage for a hot second. Next thing I know I’m face down on the cold metal floor *screaming*. And can you blame me? Today has been mess after mess and I was fed up. Don’t know what the others did, but I remember mention of crawling through vents and fuck no I am not taking Khloe through some suspicious ass vents. Thank you.
I know I tried to phase through the door like last time, but it just...didn’t work. My magic has been very unreliable lately I’m starting to wonder if those Horrorterrors dad consorts with are taking their part of the deal..
I banged my head against the door out of frustration and I guess I...unintentionally, let my magic loose and broke the door a bit. Osito saw this as an opportunity and started using that god-like strength of his to try and break down this door. It was...god what’s the word. Cool? Awesome? ~~Hot?~~ Whatever it was, it got us out.
Another reminder for me god I swear I’m bad at remembering shit. I know earlier, I’m sure I screamed in my minds eye and I’m almost sure I heard a chuckle being sent through the mind pool the 5 of us hoped into. Osito said to ignore him. That means he knows who that was. I should probably ask him more about it, but I don’t know if he trusts me yet. I mean, at the end of all this he said he respects me, but that doesn’t always mean you’re trusted.
I just...want him to see me as on their level. Everyone here, minus Reject maybe, is so...prepared and experienced and capable of doing amazing things. I’m just some kid looking to help his family. I don’t know everyone else’s situation and it may be unfair to make assumptions of them, but I just...I feel like they’re better at this than I am. And I hate it.
I guess I feel like if I can get Dominik to trust and respect me, then I know I’m where I need to be. As far as I can tell, most if not everyone I’ve met on this team respect him and see him as the best of the best. And if the best of the best thinks of you as a friend or more, then that means it has to be true.
Although, from what I can tell him and Wild Thang are pretty close. I think I may be jealous. Not because I want Dominik to myself god no. I just...want a bond like that. And I guess since so far Dominik is someone whose respect I crave, that’s the person I want to attach myself to. Heh, I even listed him down as My idol on my VIP pad. Cyclone is on there, but he’s so busy and wouldn’t understand us kids. Dad is the only other name and I can’t really talk to him about any of this.
So, the only other person from that list I feel comfortable talking to is Dominik. Even though I don’t see him much.
Fucking hell man this is so damned childish. I’m like a goddamned puppy and I hate it. I’m moving on before this becomes a mess.
We get out and Star Studded is there. I’ve had enough at this point and brush past them with Search. I was ready for the day to be over when I spot Dink. Cue chase scene.
Not sure how far out we got, but Reject was able to taze him down with his guns. Not the way I would’ve done it, but it worked. I decided to talk to the dude and it turns out...ugh I don’t even want to write this down, but I have to. Turns out some villains named...ugh, Buddy and Guy bribed this dude to help them out. I wish I was making this up, but I swear I’m not that stupid.
Osito holds him and threatens to smack Reject again. God this is great.
Oh, another memory pop up! I think I got stressed out at some point? Dom kinda just...reminded me that other people could hear my thoughts. God that was...embarrassing. I’m trying to make people think I have my shit together even though on the inside I’m breaking down almost always. And of course while I’m having an internal breakdown 4 other people can hear my thoughts. Kill me~~~~~~~
Anyways, we get ready to turn him in and Thang has...a differing opinion. Apparently, when Reject tased Dink and brought him down, he told him that if he told us what he knew we would let him go! And Thang, being an absolute gentlemen at the ***wrong time***, thought we should respect that!
Girl.
I understand that our word and respecting that separates us from the not heroes, but listen here. He still committed a crime of sorts. I would understand if he was in a bad situation and felt he had no other choice to help these villains, but from what I could tell this was an act of greed. Not one of desperation. I sympathize, I do, but Dink seemed to just want money and was willing to risk his financial security for it. That reads to me that he did not care. The best he could hope for, is lying through his teeth to hope that they don’t punish him to harshly for what he did regardless of truth. Sometimes, that’s all you got and it’s best to take it.
He and Dom...argued a bit. It was a little uncomfortable, but friends argue with each other all the time right? I never really had a close friend so my ideas of friendship are a tad skewed. Eventually he gave in, even if it did get pretty heated, and we took the guard to the others.
It was actually a little sad if I’m honest. I did what I could and lied through my teeth about how he was forced to do this and all that, but I’m not really sure that did anything. Last I remember was them taking his nametag and all that. Star Studded was, again, there and doing nothing. At all. *Again.*
 Wanna know how I could tell?
Some dudes were walking out the front with a cage and trying to be sneaky doing it while they were ***supposedly*** guarding the exits.
I swear there are...so many idiots around here it’s a little sad, but hey makes our job easier.
I can’t remember, but I’m sure I was the first person to call out to them. And when they turned, ugh.
***UGH.***
They had...they had a giant Purple **B** and a giant Yellow **G** emblazoned on their chests.
I’m not joking here.
***The bad guys were really named Buddy and Guy!!!***
***That’s so stupid!!***
Regardless of how stupid they were, turns out they also had some kind of...weird magic thing going on. So many magic users in this city how have I not noticed before? I swear though it felt like a bad acid trip at a Lakers game with the whole Purple and Yellow scheme their powers had going on.
Oh, right, and yet another memory. I now remember for sure I was the one who got their attention, but I didn’t call them out. I made a singularity near them and caught their attention that way. They ignored the cage thing as it started getting pulled in.
Note to self: Ask Dr. Payne for her professional opinion on this. May have to see neuro if things keep getting bad.
Anywhomst, this is where things get fucking lit man.
Osito and Thang fucking charged down Guy and it was **kickass**. They just seem to be so in-sync. It was like...god it was almost like watching the pairs skating for the Winter Olympics. They just understand each other and it was super fucking cool to watch. Man…if I keep talking about this I’m gonna get even more jealous ahhhhhhhh kill me.
Oh, and then, Morrigan cut Buddy off from them by putting up some kind of like...force field almost between him and our friends. Dude. *Dude.* I fucking wish my magic could do that man so fucking cool.
And Guy was like...getting back up somehow so I just...I used my good ol’ faithful and charged the dude down with my good ol’ magic chargin’ and decked this dude in the gut.
Now, this is where things kinda got a lil’ weird for me.
Never in my life has my magic felt as strong as it did then. When I was face to face with him and saw the horror in his face...I swear to the good lord in heaven I saw him getting decked into the Gates of Hell itself. My vision just like...darkened and all I could see was him and then nothing else save for a blue flame and dark figures attempting to feed on it.
It kinda scared me too. Were those the Horrorterrors? Have they noticed me somehow? Are they...are they real?
If so, I may need to be careful. I know dad did some shady deals with them and if they try to offer me anything I have to say no. No matter what.
After that, Osito kinda like...grabbed Guy and got ready to ***YEET*** him to Buddy while Morrigan put down that kickass force field she made. I, after just having seen death itself most likely, thought it would be my turn to help Dom out and pushed some magic into his yeetin’ arm for extra ***OOMPH***. It seemed to work and I loved it. It felt good.
I think they were starting to channel some kinda like...joint move or something. I swear the lights were flashing and it felt like a Seizure Procedure. God if that’s the name of their move it is accurate. I hope it is. But like...Morrigan sprouted this giant fucking tree between them and broke them off and they like..faded. They were just….gone after that. I think they said something, but I didn’t quite catch it.
We went to Thang wo check up on what was in the cage and...it was a Transformed.
Why is a bank holding a Transformed in a vault? There are so many questions and no answers. As a kid I loved playing detective, maybe I should be doing that now. Carry around a cassette player and play some good ol’ noir jazz. Jesus that would be fun.
But, after that Morrigan and I had a talk. She seems to be worried about her powers. Fading those guys away without the Infinity Stones is kinda nerve wracking, but I have a feeling that wasn’t her powers. It didn’t seem right to me. Her powers seem to work around glyphs and I didn’t see any glyphs when they disappeared. I tried to ease her worries a bit the best way I know how. Hugs.
I know it’s weird that at this point I’ve hugged two people I barely know, but sometimes you need physical affection. Besides, ama y apa used to do it all the time when I’d wake up scared at night or even when I just looked down. I always felt so safe in their arms.. And with them gone now, I have to be the arms to protect others from the world. I did it for Dom (even if he was hesitant at first) and now for Morrigan. I hope they were able to tell what I was trying to do there..
After my talk with her is when I had a small conversation with Osito. I needed to just...make sure I was a person worthy of his respect. And, he kinda confirmed it? I mean he said he respected me so it’s a start. After that is when I kinda started seeing him as my idol. I know we’re probably the same age give or take a year, but I just didn’t have anyone to really look up to anymore. Well, no one alive at least.
Ugh after finally getting all my thoughts down I’ve realized I’m such a mess right now. I still don’t know if dad is up to no good and Lou Ann is still across seas for a Milan show supposedly.
And on top of all that my feelings are still a good ol’ mess of teenage angst and a bunch of other shit. Blaming Osito for this I wasn’t supposed to get crushes anymore not since Ian I told myself this. Stupid...amazing Dominik. ~~Fuck off.~~
I think I’m done with this journal. I need to make some music or something get my mind off things.
Till next time, stay sexy Diary.
xoxo - Martinez
~~~~~~~~~~
*Angel let out a sigh as he leaned back in his chair. His thoughts continued to race on as he closed his eyes and attempted to center himself. He had to get over his feelings and not let his emotions control him again. Whenever they do, bad things happen. This has been true since the beginning. It was just a fact at this point. Not just a teen feeling sorry for himself. Facts are facts. And you can count on that.*
*After a few minutes of deep breathing, he finally opened his eyes and went to the case containing his grandfather’s guitar. It was one of the few things that survived the fire and despite some ash and permanent damage was still very usable and never seemed to get older. On it is every name of the family members who owned this guitar. Angel was to be next, but before it could be passed on the fire took his family from him.*
*He refused to engrave his name without his grandfather around to give him the permission.*
*But, he could still play it.*
*“*
*I can't think of getting old*
*It only makes me want to die*
*And I can't think of who I was*
*'Cause it just makes me want to cry, cry, cry*
*Can't look back, can't look too far ahead*
*I got the point, I got the message*
*I'm just a little bit caught in the middle*
*I try to keep going but it's not that simple*
*I think I'm a little bit caught in the middle*
*Gotta keep going or they'll call me a quitter*
*Yeah, I'm caught in the middle*
*I was dreaming life away*
*All the while just going blind*
*Can't see the forest for the trees*
*Behind the lids of my own eyes*
*Nostalgia's cool, but it won't help me now*
*A dream is good (don't wear it out) if you don't wear it out*
*And I'm just a little bit caught in the middle*
*I try to keep going but it's not that simple*
*I think I'm a little bit caught in the middle*
*Gotta keep going or they'll call me a quitter*
*Yeah, I'm caught in the middle*
*No, I don't need no help*
*I can sabotage me by myself*
*I don't need no one else*
*I can sabotage me by myself*
*…”*

## Love Like You - Time Passes 2

Things aren’t looking too great lads.
Well, they never do, but this is about more than just hero work.
So...Khloe’s been acting very off lately. I don’t know if whatever magic brought her back to life has a time limit or if this is normal dog stuff, but whatever it is it worries me. She’s my best friend and my soulmate I can’t imagine a day going by without her. I feel like my whole world would crash and burn if she passed..
I already lost a lot of people in my life. And...I’ve been through a lot. More than I want people to know really. But, even though things keep going crazy, Khloe is just...always there for me. A neverending font of good vibes and undying love. Ever since...god how long has it even been since that time?
It feels like a lifetime ago.
I was just a freshman and Khloe had been around the house for like...maybe a month at this point. It was the anniversary of my family dying and my depression was really bad. Like...you can’t even imagine. I was lost. I felt like dying. I had been crying for so many nights before then. And I just lost my friends thanks to Lou Ann. I knew she was a bit of a bully, but making them see me in that way just felt...cruel. She seemed beat up about it though. Maybe she didn’t even know she could do that. She even gave me tickets to a show in Berlin. At least she tried.
But at the time it felt so mocking. Like she felt like it would all go away if she just...gave me something. I hated her. I hated dad. I hated me, especially. For being so weak. For being so spineless. For being so fucking stupid.
Of course I can’t have friends I never had friends. And yet, I thought it was different. I mean, for fucks sake I was a freshman with senior friends. I even tried to get with Ian with how confident I felt. We all know how *that* turned out. Didn’t help that all this happened like...a week after. Things were just...bad. And there was only one way out.
Lou Ann had her first big model opportunity pop up when a designer in Venice reached out to her. She was so happy. Things were going great. It was tough to get into modeling as a trans girl, but she fucking did it. I should’ve been happy for her. Dad was thrilled. But I...I just couldn’t. I didn’t have the energy to.
They invited me to go see her big debut. She was gonna the star. The top model. But, I said no. She looked so...sad. Disappointed. Almost like she really wanted her big brother to see her live her dreams. I think that’s when we really grew apart. More than we already were, at least. Dad was a bit more understanding at least. Now I know why.
At the time I didn’t know he was the villain who burned my whole neighborhood down all those years ago. Now I do. And it all makes sense, I guess in some weird way. He felt...guilty. Wanted to make sure *something* good could’ve come out of that tragedy. At least that’s what I think. Who knows.
But, 2 days later, they left. And I was alone. It was my chance. Dad had been in a lot of pain recently and they gave him some pretty heavy meds for it. I thought I was lucky that he forgot his refill at home. I went straight for it. If not, I would’ve found something else. Big house after all. Thankfully I knew where dad kept his “secret” liquor stash from after the Ian mess. It was...gonna happen.
I was gonna make a delicious cocktail of drugs and alcohol. Maybe it would work, maybe it wouldn’t. Regardless, I was gonna try.
How much time passed with me just staring at the pills then back to the wine? Minutes? Hours? I don’t really know. I was...dissociating. All I could see was me, sitting there trying to decide. It was...scary. And then, it happened.
I came back and all I could hear and see was Khloe. She was staring at me and whining. She looked so sad. She sniffed my hand and kind of...bumped the bottle of wine away from me and took its place. She put her head on my lap and did nothing else but stare at my eyes. I broke down after that.
She was my hero, in a sense. She kept me from killing myself and ever since we’ve been inseparable.
I kinda used my fame to my advantage after that to take her with me to school and anywhere else I could. Within reason of course. Dr. Pain even helped me get her registered as my Service dog. My PTSD isn’t that bad, but that fire affected me real bad. I have so many mental illnesses (well we think. Dr. Pain says everything blurs together a lot and can be hard to diagnose sometimes, but she’s been very helpful and understanding) it’s kinda crazy I’m able to function at all.
But, that’s why I have Khloe. I can’t lose her. I refuse to lose her. I think I should cuddle up with her. I even bought myself a new Ukulele. Maybe I can play it for her and get her to sleep.
~xoxo, Angel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Angel puts his diary down and goes over to where Khloe slept. She found the dog bed next to Morene’s habitat very comfortable. As he got closer her eyes opened and looked up at him. With a pat on his leg she slowly rose and followed. The pair walked into the designated Chill Room which held a comfortable couch for its inhabitants to relax upon. Once Angel splayed himself across, Khloe jumped and layed herself on top of him resting her head on his chest.*
*After a few minutes of petting and quiet, he brought his Ukulele up and began to play and sing as softly as he could. It was a performance meant only for them afterall.*
*“*
*If I could begin to be*
*Half of what you think of me*
*I could do about anything*
*I could even learn how to love'*

*When I see the way you act*
*Wondering when I'm coming back*
*I could do about anything*
*I could even learn how to love*
*Like you*

'*I always thought I might be bad*
*Now I’m sure that it's true*
*‘cause I think you’re so good*
*And I’m nothing like you*
*Look at you go*
*I just adore you*
*I wish that I knew*
*What makes you think I'm so special*

'*If I could begin to do*
*Something that does right by you*
*I would do about anything*
*I would even learn how to love*

'*When I see the way you look*
*Shaken by how long it took*
*I could do about anything*
*I could even learn how to love like you*
*…”*
*After a few more minutes of song and play, Angel drifted to sleep alongside his canine companion. This is where they spent their night.*
*Together.*
*Forever.*
*Always.*

## Hard Times

I considered leaving this behind. Not just the journal, but everything. I’m on the verge of another panic attack and honestly I feel so sick. There’s just...so much happened since last time I wrote in this. I thought I was done writing diary entries, but I guess bottling it up isn’t gonna work this time, eh?
I could handle the mess that was Halloween when I turned into Khloe. I could handle the time-travelling boogaloo where I looked like a sexy 50’s chick (also Dom complimented me a lot which made things easy) while fighting aliens. Being spored and saving some girl was fine I was out for most of it anyways. Hell, even my latest space adventure was fine cuz it was ok for some parts (minus almost dying in the vacuum of space, but details) so it was whatever!
But...seeing dad in his villain costume and doing his villain thing? That was something I just can’t handle. Could anyone ever truly handle something like that? Maybe if they were villains themselves or lacked any form of emotion or whatever, but not me. I can’t handle that.
I knew he was a villain and I knew he was dangerous. I knew that one day something like this would happen. But, I still held out hope that it wouldn’t. I didn’t want anyone else to be there and I just wanted it to be me and him. It was very much something you can’t plan on. But I did it anyways.
I daydreamed it would be better than this.
I hoped it wouldn’t turn out this way.
Boy was I wrong.
I know I normally do a bit of a play-by-play in my diary of the events that happened. I go through how things happened, what went down, how I felt, and bam instant diary. But, I don’t think I should do that anymore.
To be honest, I think I mostly did that so I wouldn’t get the chance to look inside myself and face whatever feelings I have straight on. Maybe that’s my issue..
Who am I kidding, I know damn well that’s my issue. I just didn’t want to admit it out loud.
Saying things like this out loud always make them seem so...real. Stupid, I know, but that’s how I feel.
And I have to stop ignoring how I feel.
Starting...with something that I’m sure I’ve made pretty obvious lately all things considered.
I…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Angel stared at the page in hesitation. He had to write it down. He has to allow himself to feel what he does. His past is just the past. Isn’t it? He wasn’t too sure. His whole life he believed himself to be a bad luck charm who ruined everything and everyone. Although he knows the truth for his family’s death, he still holds himself partially responsible.*
*‘If I just had better control.’*
*‘I shouldn’t have been messing with my magic at that time.’*
*‘I should have been able to protect them.’*
*But they’re dead, aren’t they?*
*They’re all dead and it’s all his fault.*
*But, there was once a time where he felt like he was better, wasn’t there?*
His name, was Ian. It was his first love. And when he did admit it, things were great. It felt like...things would be great.
*But, of course it didn’t last. Lou Ann made sure of that.*
*Although it was an accident, she unknowingly warped the minds of Ian and his friends one night. She saw her brother hanging out with them and grew jealous. Why is he so popular? Why is he able to have what I don’t? If they saw him for the thief he was…*
*And that’s when her powers awakened. She twisted the minds of her brother’s lover and friends and they saw him as she saw him. A thief. They had to defend themselves. But, the effects were permanent, in a way. After the hospital, they all seemed to...ignore him. They no longer attacked when they saw him, but the disgust was present.*
*For once, Lou Ann felt bad. Sure she didn’t like her brother, but she would never wish for this to happen to him. But, it did happen. And it caused much more than physical pain. He was never the same since.*
*But this is different, right?*
*He’s grown, hasn’t he?*
*Truthfully, he probably hasn’t. Not while he still blames himself for the past.*
*But, a gay has to try. Even if he is now sobbing into his diary and staining it with tears. Crying seems to be his new thing now, he guesses after pulling himself together.*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think, phew, ok calm down Angel. It’s just a diary. No one will see this. As long as I keep it properly hidden and make sure to burn this entry after. No, I shouldn’t. I know I may look back on this in an endearing way. Or I could be completely embarrassed and want to kill myself when I look back on this. Both are good. I think. Fuck it.
Dominik.
Dom.
Osito.
I think.
That I, Angel Martinez-Niccals.
Might be.
Sort of.
Fuck.
Ok, stop bitching about and just say it, Angel!!
Write it down!!!
Fucking!!!!!!
Dom I think I love you.
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*The rest of the page is torn through as the pen is forcefully scribbling about all the while Angel screams into his desk and unknowingly allowing his magic to toss everything around leaving the room in disarray.*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AN ENTRY ABOUT MY DAD.
I KNOW I WANTED TO INCLUDE THIS, BUT WHY?!
DO I NEED TO PROVE SOMETHING TO MYSELF??
AGH WHAT AM I THINKING?!?!?!
“Hey, the only way to prove you can handle the emotional turmoil of your father knowing you’re a hero actively working against him is if you say some dumb shit! Sweaty! :)”
NO!
I-I don’t need to prove anything to myself about this.
I know I can’t handle my own feelings.
I want to cry.
I...I want to die….
Again.
I just. I just don’t like having feelings. Which is weird since I usually feel them so hard and live in them like it’s some kind of gross slimy cocoon that nourishes me. But, I hate it.
I’m angry.
I’m sad.
I’m relieved.
I’m anxious.
I’m depressed.
I’m in love.
I’m stressed.
I’m...me.
And I hate it.
I hate me.
I hate me..
Ihatemeihatemeihatemeihatemeihatemeihatemeihatemeihatemeihatemeihateme….
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*The words ‘I hate me’ repeat for the rest of the page*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why am I like this..
God, I’m such a mess. Why am I still around.
Heh, I know why.
Khloe.
She’s the only reason I’m around these days.
I have to take care of her. And love her. I know someone else could, but she’s my everything. As long as she’s around I think I can handle being me.
Maybe.
We’ll see.
I wanted to write more, but I’m tired. I still have to write my letter to dad and pack up my things. Dad was nice enough to let me stay on with finances and all that, but...we had a talk about all this.
It would be best if I left. He said it wasn’t necessary, but it’s for the best. Things are different now. We just won’t be able to look at each other the same way again. Ugh, this sucks. I already talked to Cyclone about moving into the base, but I just really wanna be alone right now. I think the living area at the base is too close to other people right now. Maybe I’ll set up temporarily in the music room? That sounds nice, I guess.
Well, gotta get to it I guess.
And, now that I’m more clear minded and not screaming, I’ll say it again.
I think I love you, Dom.
Thanks for everything. Your hugs really are the best. As long as you’re happy, I’ll be happy.
-xoxo Angel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Angel packed up the rest of things and got ready to leave the house he’s known since childhood. There were many memories he had here and he would treasure them forever.*
*But, it was time to move on.*
*He was set in doing what he thought was right. Before he left, he left a note on his old desk. The same one Jack had made for him when he first came to live with his new family. Although Jack could not always be there, he showed his love the best he could. They even carved their names into the corner so they could look on it with fondness. With one last look over, he left his old life behind and went to the base where he made the music room into ‘Rescue’s Room’ for the time being. At least until he could face other people again.*
*“*
*Dear dad,*
*I’m sorry about all this. I kind of wish this didn’t happen, but hey I wouldn’t be a teen if I didn’t rebel against my dad right? Hah. Uh, bad joke. I know I can’t say much to convince you and Lou Ann to stop being villains (oh right I know about Lou Ann too by the way surprise!) and I don’t really expect you to listen, but I know you guys aren’t bad. I mean, yeah you’re villains, but that doesn’t mean you’re bad people. And I’ll hold out hope that one day you guys stop all this and we can be a happy family again. Well, as happy as we used to be at least.*
*Just...be careful please.*
*I love you dad. And thank you.*
 *Love, Angel Niccals.*
*P.S. I’m still keeping the Martinez part to my name.*
*“*
*After getting settled, Angel began to throw himself into is music. And he knew the perfect song to display his emotions. This is the only thing he’s good at after all.*
*“*
All that I want
Is to wake up fine
Tell me that I'm alright
That I ain't gonna die
All that I want
Is a hole in the ground
You can tell me when it's alright
For me to come out
*gonna make you wonder why you even try*
(Hard times) gonna take you down and laugh when you cry
(These lives) and I still don't know how I even survive
(Hard times)
(Hard times)
And I gotta get to rock bottom
*Walking around*
My little rain cloud
Hanging over my head
And it ain't coming down
Where do I go?
Gimme some sort of sign
You hit me with lightning!
Maybe I'll come alive
*gonna make you wonder why you even try*
(Hard times) gonna take you down and laugh when you cry
(These lives) and I still don't know how I even survive
(Hard times)
(Hard times)
And I gotta head to rock bottom
*Tell my friends I'm coming down*
We'll kick it when I hit the ground
Tell my friends I'm coming down
We'll kick it when I hit the ground
When I hit the ground
When I hit the ground
When I hit the ground
*…”*

## Don't Let Me Get Me

*Angel locks the door to the ~~music room~~ no ~~his room~~ **no, our room** before falling to ~~his~~ **our** knees. Khloe whimpered and licked his **our** face as ~~he~~ **we** smiled and patted her head to reassure her. ~~He~~ **We** got up and walked over to the desk before ~~he~~ **why won’t you admit it’s we now?** sat down and looked at ~~himself~~ **ourselves!** through the mirror. What he saw, was shocking, but not surprising.*
*Angel’s skin had become black as void with hair and eyes white as snow. Or, at least half of him **will you continue to reject us?** was. Part? Same difference. As he **fine** flared his **continue to reject us** magic, it started to resemble the black tendrils of the Horrorterrors’ magic much like his father and sister **ahhh the Niccals family are very tasty indeed** with their own magic. A sign of corruption **we are not corrupt** from the beings.*
*Can you really say you are not corrupt?*
***This is how we’ve always been.***
*I don’t believe that. I can sense...something.*
***Believe what you will, this is who we are. The name Horrorterrors suit us, wouldn’t you agree?***
*Whatever.*
***Let us in. Your father and sister did and look at them now! So much stronger than ever! Granted, your magic is sooo much better than what they ever had. We can make it stronger than the fey girl..***
*Fuck off. I thought you were just gonna listen until I reached out?*
***Like with those pizzas?***
*I’m surprised you know what a pizza is.*
***We’ve been around for a long time, child.***
*How long?*
***Were you looking to make a contract for information?~***
*Ha, funny.*
***Then we cannot say.***
*Figures. Can you leave my head now, I’m getting a migraine.*
***Very well. We will continue to watch and hope that you will aid us. Or else we may have to resort to other methods.***
*Try me.*
***Ha! So much energy and vitriol in you. We like that. The contract would be wonderful indeed..***
*And I’m telling you, it ain’t happening. I can find your secrets a different way.*
***We look forward to it…***
*As the conversation ended, Angel’s body and magic returned to normal. He groaned loudly to himself and banged is head on the desk. Is this what dad and Lou Ann have to deal with? Talk about annoying. Something felt...off though. Almost as if they were not even themselves.*
*Whatever. They suck anyways.*
*UGH!*
*Angel opened up his diary and wrote in his entry for the day…*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanksgiving sucks.
Thorne sucks.
The Horrorterrors suck.
I suck.
I’m an asshole and deserve to die.
Why I didn’t just take the contract offered to me by the Horrorterrors just now I’ll never know. I’m just...so angry!
And sad.
And dead inside. Again.
I just don’t get why these things keep happening to me. And yet…
Why do I want to help these things?
This sounds weird, but the Horrorterrors didn’t feel right. Sure they were creepy as all hell and I’d prefer to never communicate with them (even though I did call on them to see how strong they were to destroy the pizzas Madge ordered I’m thinking they don’t like me now..) ever, but I may have to in order to find out more about them. I don’t think anyone else knows them, but I just get this feeling this isn’t who they really are.
That or I’m becoming a psychopath and the kind of person who tries to see the good in everyone and everything even though they really don’t deserve it. I mean hell I don’t even know if dad or Lou Ann deserve it anymore…
I feel like today was a breaking point. I’m the angriest I’ve ever been and I feel like this is gonna be a new thing with me. I usually try to be perfect and hide my feelings and make others happy, but what about me? What about my happiness? Is it just gonna take a back seat for the rest of my life? Am I just gonna be irrelevant forever?
...No.
From now on, things are about me and fuck everyone else. I’m done and tired of playing by these rules I made for myself. Everyone wants to see me as a bad guy anyways, right? Then that’s what they’re getting.
….Is what I’d like to say.
In all honesty though, I’m scared. I’m worried. I don’t want to become this.
But it feels like I’m going grimdark. Or at least on the path of getting there.
Someone, please, don’t let me get me.
I don’t want things to end like this. I just want things to be ok and to be happy.
But, I’m so angry.
I’m so scared.
I’m useless.
Please.
I need a hero.
I need you.
I can’t stop thinking about him no matter how hard I try. It’s really the only reason I’m not totally crazy yet. And I just know this is getting annoying and shit now.
I look back on all my journals and there he is in almost all of them. I’m such a fucking dumbass lovesick fool. I swear this is a bad fucking romcom I’m trying to make things out to be. Making him a gift, wanting to be around him always, always thinking of him, wanting his happiness, blah blah fucking BLAH!.
I just….I’m so stupid man.
I’m so tempted to just shout it out for the whole world to hear so I can get it out of my body and cleanse myself of this poison. Love isn’t a good thing.
Love kills.
It’s an emotional poison that sucks the life out of you and rots you from the inside. I hate it.
But, I crave it too.
Scratch that then, love is a drug.
A drug far worse than anything we could ever make.
And, I think I’m addicted to it.
God, first I’m addicted to hating myself and now I’m addicted to love. Fuck man, I’m an idiot.
Heh, can you imagine I’ve been daydreaming about him now too?
I imagine us living a happy life in the suburbs somewhere. Both retired from hero work. He runs an animal sanctuary and I continue to work on my music. We adopt a kid or two and just….live happy lives. Together.
But, my daydreams have been dark too lately.
I imagine myself dying and losing myself to the Horrorterrors and having him save me. Or, hell, I imagine Gramps deciding enough is enough and taking over completely while I find a way to be his hero and save him for once.
I’m so selfish.
I want him to see me for more than what I am and to be all he thinks about.
I’m greedy.
Am I a bad person? Or do I just have a screwed up vision on how someone should love me and vice versa? Am I too clingy? Am I annoying? Am I too much?
Am I not worthy of being alive?
God, these suicidal thoughts keep coming back and it doesn’t help I’ve been off my medication and therapy since I left home. All that was under dad’s name and if I’m still using his money I’d prefer to not use his medical shit. Stupid I know, but I’m just trying to torture myself again.
I always do this.
I stop taking my meds and resort to my old unhealthy coping mechanisms when I feel like I deserve to be punished. And, I do deserve it. I deserve to suffer.
I let a villain get away.
I ruined what was supposed to be a good and wholesome Thanksgiving dinner.
I deserve to go through hell.
And I’m keeping it that way…
-xoxo, Rescue
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Angel shuts his diary in silence as his thoughts go to one thing. His future. Does he have one anymore? Is there any point to all this?*
*Well, that can be solved another time.*
*For now, pick up the guitar, and play.*
*“*
*Never win first place, I don't support the team*
*I can't take direction, and my socks are never clean*
*Teachers dated me, my parents hated me*
*I was always in a fight 'cause I can't do nothin' right*

*Every day I fight a war against the mirror*
*I can't take the person starin' back at me*
*I'm a hazard to myself*

*Don't let me get me*
*I'm my own worst enemy*
*It's bad when you annoy yourself*
*So irritating*
*Don't wanna be my friend no more*
*I wanna be somebody else*
*I wanna be somebody else, yeah*
*La told me, "You'll be a pop star,*
*All you have to change is everything you are"*
*Tired of being compared to damn Britney Spears*
*She's so pretty, that just ain't me*
*Doctor, doctor, won't you please prescribe me somethin'*
*A day in the life of someone else?*
*'Cause I'm a hazard to myself*
*Don't let me get me, no*
*I'm my own worst enemy*
*It's bad when you annoy yourself*
*So irritating*
*Don't wanna be my friend no more*
*I wanna be somebody else*
*…”*

## The Ballad of Mona Lisa

*Angel put out the last cigarette as it reached its end and tossed it onto the growing pile of cigarette butts. He went through an entire pack in under an hour, and it hurt. But he wanted it to hurt. The pain was a distraction from everything else. He kept on failing and would continue to fail. In everything.*
*He was a failure as a hero. A failure as a friend. And a failure as a person.*
*It was just a matter of time before everyone else realized it too.*
*He reached for the fresh pack of Camels and quickly lit one up as he took one big drag and held the smoke in his lungs.*
*1 second.*
*2 seconds.*
*3 seconds.*
*4.*
*God it hurt so much. But, it felt good. It was euphoric. After nearly coughing out his lungs for holding it in too long, he smiled and chugged down what was left of the plum saké bottle he brought from his dad’s estate when he moved out. The one of 10 he stole. He loved it and always drank from them when he was in a depressive state. Which is a testament to how bad things must be if he’s already down to his last bottle over the course of a week.*
*So this is what it’s like to have your life spiral down, huh?*
*Seems about right.*
*He sat down on his desk chair and pulled out his wallet. In it, he carried one of the other pictures that survived the house fire he survived. A picture of him as a child at the public pool, smiling. He loved swimming. He stopped after the fire. Not just swimming, but smiling. Genuinely at least.*
*Even with Ian all his smiles felt forced. Like he had to be happy. He needed to be happy. And that’s how things have always been.*
*Before the tears could well back up, he set the photo of himself on fire and watched it burn in his hand.*
*What used to serve as a reminder of hope now only taunted him every time he looked at it. At him. And he was sick of it.*
*He was his own worst enemy, but also the only person who could save himself if he so wished. That’s he tried so hard to ignore himself.*
*Heh, if you think about it things make so much sense now.*
*He found something, someone, to throw himself into as a distraction. If he could just find an obsession then he wouldn’t have to think too much about himself. Because then this would happen. Things would just go back to what they used to be.*
*Bulimia.*
*Med abuse.*
*Smoking.*
*Alcohol.*
*Anything that could destroy him.*
*And he craved it.*
*He wanted to self destruct and throw his whole life away. Because then he would truly have nothing to live for. Well, except for one thing.*
*He looked over to a sleeping Khloe as she snored and the tears threatened to come back. He looked up and away while blinking rapidly to chase the tears back in.*
*The flames from the photo licked his hand and instead of putting it out, he let it. His fingertips burned as he calmly tossed the picture away and continued to smoke. He leaned back and looked up to the ceiling as he contemplated his next move.*
*But, what for?*
*What was the point in trying all the time?*
*Every time he tried he failed. So with that logic, shouldn’t he just stop trying?*
*As he reached the end of his cigarette, he put it out on his arm like all the others. He closed his eyes and winced while trying to steady his breathing. Just more pain. And less bloody than the other forms of self harm.*
*He tossed the butt with the rest before standing and reaching out to the only other form of coping he had. It didn’t hurt, but it would be wise to use it before he could no longer due to all the smoke he’s been inhaling.*
*“*
*She paints her fingers with a close precision*
*He starts to notice empty bottles of gin*
*And takes a moment to assess the sin*
*She's paid for*
*A lonely speaker in a conversation*
*Her words are swimming through his ears again*
T*here's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you've paid for*
*Say what you mean*
*Tell me I'm right*
*And let the sun rain down on me*
*Give me a sign*
*I want to believe*
*Whoa oh oh oh oh, Mona Lisa*
*You're guaranteed to run this town*
*Whoa oh oh oh oh, Mona Lisa*
I*'d pay to see you frown*
*He senses something, call it desperation*
*Another dollar, another day*
*And if she had the proper words to say*
*She would tell him*
*But she'd have nothing left to sell him*
*Say what you mean*
*Tell me I'm right*
*And let the sun rain down on me*
*Give me a sign*
*I want to believe*
*Whoa oh oh oh oh, Mona Lisa*
You're guaranteed to run this town
Whoa oh oh oh oh, Mona Lisa
I'd pay to see you frown

*Mona Lisa, yeah*
*Pleased to please you*
*Mona Lisa, wear me out*
*Say what you mean*
*Tell me I'm right*
*And let the sun rain down on me*
*Give me a sign*
*I want to believe*
*Whoa oh oh oh oh, Mona Lisa*
*You're guaranteed to run this town*
*Whoa oh oh oh oh, Mona Lisa*
*I'd pay to see you frown*
*Say what you mean*
*Tell me I'm right*
*And let the sun rain down on me*
*Give me a sign*
*I want to believe*
*There's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you've paid for*
*…"*

## Funhouse - Time Passes 3

***How interesting that you decided to contact us of your own free will.***
*I was bored. Nothing else to do really.*
***And angry, it seems.***
*Fuck off.*
***Ahhhhahahahaha! See! We know many things about you and yours, Angel. Ironic name isn’t it? After all, you are anything but an Angel.***
*Are you just going to insult me all day or what ‘cuz I’m not in the mood.*
***We only joke! We’re friends, remember? And friends always look out for each other wouldn’t you agree?***
*Is this another offer for a contract?*
***Of course! You could do so well with our power! Think of all the pizzas you could ruin. Nar a child nor adult would be safe from the hunger you would inflict.***
*Ha ha you should really do comedy.*
***We know. We are hilarious.***
*So funny. Dane Cook eat your heart out.*
***So, was loneliness what brought you to us this time? We are sensing a pattern here. Though you are not of Jack’s blood the circumstances seem to be very similar.***
*Really? No wonder you want me so badly.*
***Your power is intoxicating, ‘tis true, however it is not that magic we seek. Afterall, we have much tastier prospect in mind for that.***
*Goody.*
***What we crave, Angel, is your very essence itself. You are so very lonely and afraid and it is sooo delicious. Wouldn’t you rather be done with all this? You can’t be the hero this team wants you to be, nor can you be the villain you want others to believe you to be. Just let go and allow us to ease the suffering. We can help you like we helped Jack and Lou Ann.***
*...Tempting though it may be I have reasons to not take your generous offer.*
***But you are tempted, yes? This is good news! It’s important to allow others to help you when you need it. You’re only human after all.***
*Sure thing. I’ll keep that totally not suspicious offer in mind.*
***May we ask what is keeping you tethered to your flesh? Is it our gift? The one you’ve named Khloe which Jack had us breathe life into? Ohhh we can take care of her too.***
*Touch her and you’re dead.*
***Ahahaha it was only a joke! But that reaction was sooo worth it Angel. Were we right? Is it her?***
*Are you offering to make a contract to find out? I’ll let you know my prices are very steep.*
***\*The Horrorterrors laugh in unison at Angel’s joke filling his mind to the brim as they nearly split his head open with how much force was behind it\* Amusing.***
*So no then?*
***It’s not that we care, but friends should know more about each other. Is it a friend? A father? A sister? Or perhaps, a lover?***
*You’d love that wouldn’t you?*
***Is it the host of the Dragon? He is terrifying. His power is amplified by the Dragon’s assistance and his very presence reminds us of those we have lost. He is dangerous, Angel. Please tell us it is not him. We do not wish to see you get hurt by that vile human and his master.***
*If I said yes would that shut you up?*
***No.***
*Then fuck off.*
***We only wish to see you happy! We care about you, Angel. We love you. Besides, we already know the answer. We’re in your mind remember? You can’t hide anything.***
*Oh? Then what’s the reason?*
***All of the above! You don’t wish to be seen as the failure you are. You want them all to see that you are perfect, and happy, and oh so powerful. Just like the Dragon boy. Oh, but you are not. You could never be. You offer nothing to nobody. You cannot be a hero like the Dragon boy believes you to be. Like the Cyclone saw in you. You have disappointed your father time and time again and continue to do so. Things continue to worsen around you and there is only one common variable. ANd you know what it is, don’t you?***
*…*
***You. You have made things worse for everyone around you including those you care about the most.***
*Stop..*
***You are nothing! You are worse than nothing!!***
*Stop.*
***You. Are. You. And that is the worst thing to have ever happened to all of existence. You make us sick, Angel.***
*I said stop!*
***But, we love you regardless. We don’t care that you’re a blight on humanity. We will accept you. Always.***
*If you don’t stop…*
***What? You’ll weep for us some more? Oh, please do. It is so delightful to feel your sorrow. You have so much of it and it is truly the best we’ve ever experienced. If you weep, please let us in. We’ve grown tired and require rest. We love you, Angel. Our dear, sweet, Angel…***
*The Horrorterrors retreated and left Angel alone once more. This was a more common occurrence these days. Angel felt alone and isolated himself from everyone and everything. He no longer cared for those he once looked to for strength. Because he knows the horrifying truth of it all.*
*They’re right.*
*The Horrorterrors are right.*
*And Angel loved it.*
*Feeling like something else out there could agree with him on how horrible he was felt euphoric. Finally, someone else could see it too. None of the bullshit “You’re special”s or the “We love you”s would be thrown about with the Terrors around. Because they spoke the truth.*
*But, it would still make Angel break down in hysteria everytime. Because despite it all being true, it still hurt. And he was angry that it hurt. Angry that he craved the affirmations of the Terrors like a drug. Angry at himself.*
*Angry that he existed.*
*There was only one way to let it out.*
*Angel had recently upgraded some of the instruments and gear on the base and needed something to take his aggression out on. Thankfully, he hated throwing out the old and preferred giving it to the schools.*
*But this time, they needed to burn.*
*Sure he was crying now, collapsing in broken breaths and and swollen eyes.*
*But this was the perfect tie for something like this.*
*No thinking.*
*No regrets.*
*Just pure emotion.*
*And of course, music.*
*“*
*I dance around this empty house*
*Tear us down*
*Throw you out*
*Screaming down the halls*
*Spinning all around and now we fall*
*Pictures framing up the past*
*Your taunting smirk behind the glass*
*This museum full of ash*
*Once a tickle*
*Now a rash*
*This used to be a funhouse*
*But now it's full of evil clowns*
*It's time to start the countdown*
*I'm gonna burn it down down down*
*I'm gonna burn it down*
*Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, fun*
*Echoes knocking on locked doors*
*All the laughter from before*
*I'd rather live out on the street*
*Than in this haunted memory*
*I've called the movers*
*Called the maids*
*We'll try to exorcise this place*
*Drag my mattress to the yard*
*Crumble tumble house of cards*
*This used to be a fun house*
*But now it's full of evil clowns*
*It's time to start the countdown*
*I'm gonna burn it down down down*
*This used to be a fun house*
*But now it's full of evil clowns*
*It's time to start the countdown*
*I'm gonna burn it down down down*
*I'm gonna burn it down*
*Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, fun*
*Oh, I'm crawling through the doggy door*
*My key don't fit my lock no more*
*I'll change the drapes*
*I'll break the plates*
*I'll find a new place*
*Burn this fucker down*
*…”*

## Soldier [x]

*Angel picked up the remaining pieces of broken instruments and tossed them in the bin before collapsing into the futon he’s used a bed so many times now. He stared absent minded towards the ceiling as he began to try and process the day he’s had.*
*Dad was gone. For good, maybe.*
*And Lou Ann was nowhere to be found either.*
*He lost his family yet again.*
*But, for some reason, he felt fine.*
*Things seemed like they would be, at the very least, okay.*
*He was finally able to open up to himself about everything he’s been feeling. Rescue, the hero he created to cover up for his own insecurities, was finally being realized. He’s not just a hero or a villain.*
*He was Angel. And Angel was he.*
*And the only way to continue forward was to step away from the crutches he created for himself. While crutches could be good at times, they could also hurt the person leaning on them. And if those crutches were others, it could hurt them too.*
*He had to make up for that. He had to apologize to everyone around him who he held to such high and impossible standards and who he expected to be his hero. But he doesn’t need others to be his hero. Rescue can be that for him.*
*The first person to apologize to would be Dominik, he decided. He had confessed his feelings and admitted that he was using them as a distraction to ignore his own growth and his own problems. That’s not fair to Dom. Not to anyone. But especially not him. And who knows, maybe Dom feels the same about him as he did for the big guy. He didn’t say yes, but he also didn’t say no. So, maybe? Regardless, something ama and abuelita always taught was that no matter how much you want to be with someone, if you truly loved them, then their happiness was all that mattered. Whether that involved you or not.*
*But, it’s still fun to daydream in the meantime.*
*The next person he’d have to apologize to was Rhiannon. She tried so hard to bring him out of his deep depression after the public ostracized him and attempted to ruin his public image. Is that really how friends were? He hasn’t had friends for so long he forgot what it meant to trust anyone. Regardless, she tried. And it worked, for a bit. And then all this happened. Poor girl. Things are probably shit for her right now. But, she’s trying to stay strong.*
*Although, why did Dom try to keep him away from her? Was it really that bad? Does Dom think he’s dangerous now? It kind of hurt when it happened…*
*Fuck, here he goes again focusing on Dom when he isn’t even the focus.*
*Angel laughed hysterically and turned to his side. Old habits sure do die hard. Try harder damn it.*
*Ok, deep breaths…*
*Next people to apologize to would be Dad and Sis, if he could find them. Where did Lav’s grandma put dad anyways? And where’s Lou Ann? Has she been in jail all this time? It would kind of make sense, but still. She’s only 16. He worries for her. He’d have to find a way to them and find out what they were planning with the Horrorterrors.*
*Speaking of which…*
*Angel reached a hand out and saw it blacken immediately as a small group of tendrils reached out and wrapped around his hand. They still seemed shaken up. Having talked to Gramps for that short period of time was enough to make them recoil and keep quiet. At least the headaches stopped. But, something feels weird.*
*When he formed the contract and drew his blood, it was almost like the Terrors were sad when he agreed. Not because they were disappointed in him, but maybe they felt...guilty? It just didn’t seem right. Are they...are they hurting? Did something happen to make them this way?*
*Do they need a hero?*
*His skin returned to normal as he pushed them away and he instinctively kissed his hand.*
*Whoever they are, if they need help he’ll do it. They’re getting closer to the human world and he needs to stop them. Maybe this is what they need.*
*It was a lot to think about, but there was still one other person he had to apologize to now before moving on. Someone who has always been there for him and encouraged him as much as they berated him.*
*Angel got up and opened the glass case with his grandfather’s- no, **his** guitar and sat on his desk. He prepped his phone to record a video as his heart continued to race. He’s never shown anyone else anything like this. It was usually reserved for himself only. But, maybe it was time to end all that..*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Angel waves at the camera and pulls his mask down to show a nervous smile.*
Hi guys! So, uh, I know I don’t have everyone’s number so if you get this please share this with everyone on the team. But uh, yeah ok so.. Wow this is harder than I thought.
As you guys know, I go by the name Rescue here on the team. And I’ve been doing all I can to keep things secretive because I was so worried that if word got out things would fall apart in my life like they always do. I won’t go into details, but I did want to say something.
My name is Angel Martinez-Niccals. The son of Jack Niccals and older brother of Lou Ann Niccals. You guys know them as Whitelight and Blacklight, Respectively. And…
*Angel bites his lip and looks to the ceiling as he holds back tears.*
And, I’m sorry.
In trying to be what I believed you guys wanted I’ve been unknowingly adding so much pressure to a few of you and emerging myself in my own darkness. But, I think I’m done with that.
It’s gonna be hard for me since I’ve never done something like this before, but I ask that you guys bear with me for a little bit as I start working towards being the person I feel like I might be. And I know you guys are probably wondering, “Well Angel why are you making this video it’s nearly 2 am and I need sleep UGH” and that’s because..
*Angel smiles a bit and shows off his acoustic guitar. Its age shows as names are carved in and the wood seems scorched and age. However, it seems surprisingly well maintained despite its past.*
I have a song I’d like to share with y’all. I used to listen to this song a lot when I felt lost or afraid and I just feel like it fits in with things right now.
I’m lost. And afraid.
And, I know some of you are too. So, I’m hoping that this song reaches the people I want it to reach and it makes them feel just a little better.
Well, here goes!
*Angel closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths before opening them again. As soon as they opened, he began.*
“Weirdness follows me wherever I go
Weirdness seems to know me even better than I seem to know myself
I'm someone else
Looking to the clock beside my bed
Am I really keeping time or is it only keeping me instead
Go back to bed
Woah woah woah woah
You've got time to grow
Oh soldier, take your time
No one said the words all have to rhyme, and if they do it's fine
And even if they don't, no one needs to know
Woah woah soldier, you gotta let things go
An hour hand moves faster with a scotch
Even when you're in it moving faster every minute if you watch
And I drink a lot
But drinking only wakes you up at ten
Spend the day regrettin', but I'm bettin' that you'll do it all again
Next weekend
Woah woah woah woah
You've got time to grow
Oh soldier, take your time
No one said the words all have to rhyme, and if they do it's fine
And even if they don't, no one needs to know
Woah woah soldier, you gotta let things go
Don't look down the barrel with an arrow and a bow
Dressed down in apparel with camouflage from head to toe
With everything so sterile in a heavy monotone
Oh soldier, you gotta let things go
Oh soldier, take your time
No one said the words all have to rhyme, and if they do it's fine
And even if they don't, no one needs to know
Woah woah soldier, you gotta let things go
…”
*Angel pauses for a short while before looking back up to the camera. Unknowingly, his skin darkened to the deepest shade of black with his eyes and hair became whiter than the richest snow as he played. But, it didn’t seem nor did it feel intimidating. It seemed calm and relaxed. He looks back to the camera as he turned normal and blew a kiss to the camera before turning it off.*
*He immediately sent the video out to everyone on the Team he’s ever interacted with.*
*Challenge.*
*Lavender.*
*Zip.*
*Rekken.*
*Rhiannon.*
*Dominik.*
*Jake.*
*All of them.*
*It’s time to let things go...*

## Purple Haze

I want to go back. But, if going back means making another me suffer, can I still do it? Maybe. Maybe I’m just really selfish. Maybe I’m just really jealous. Maybe I just don’t want to be around anymore. Who would if they found out their life is better somewhere else?
I don’t remember much of the beginning. Maybe I was dissociating. Maybe I wasn’t paying attention. Maybe I just didn’t care. Regardless, something happened and we ended up somewhere else. Somewhere that was Halcyon, but not Halcyon. Super Dad was Santa Dad, and people wanted to help him.
I didn’t.
Christmas is bullshit. I still hate it. But now, I hate it more. Because Christmas just took away the last bit of happiness I had.
In this other world, things were so very different. Parrot was bad. Freedo was bad. Challenge was Gabby since Tilly died. And the rest were just different.
I didn’t see Rhiannon and that made me sad. Lav was with Thorne and that made me mad.
But, I was with Dom and everything came back. He had my first kiss even if it wasn’t him. I never let Ian kiss me because I was afraid of not liking it and not being me. But when Dom gave me that hug of his and pressed lips to mine, everything felt right. I was on cloud nine.
Dad was in charge of Big Team affairs. Lou Ann had a puppy! And things just felt fair. This was the life I always wanted to lead. But, everyone kept saying it just couldn’t be.
Would I let the other me who lived this life live mine? Maybe. Maybe not. I was tempted, but my life is hell. Dad is evil and both he and Lou Ann are gone. My birth family died while singing Christmas songs. And here I am, all alone and pretending. Side invited me to his house so I could try and be happy.
But, when I saw Dom and Jake show up I just couldn’t bear it. As soon as I could I left. Christmas is bullshit so here I am trying to feel something, anything before I keep thinking.
Because if I keep thinking, I may stop existing.

## Burn My Dread [x]

*Angel stared at the doors leading to The Peacock, a dance studio erected in Zodiac City to help bring entertainment and ease to their current struggles. Earlier, Rescue had been here with a small group of his team helping to spruce up the walls and ballet bars, but then things got worse and fast as the day went on resulting in imprisonment and possible public shunning from the residents of Zodiac City. Angel sighed and banged his head on a nearby wall as a Transformed man walked by and stared until Angel noticed.*
*“Oh, uh, hi?”*
*“...”*
*“Sorry, I should go..”*
*Before Angel could turn to leave, the man opened the door and stared, face stern and eyes unmoving.*
*“Oh! Sorry, I don’t think I should-”*
*“Come inside. Dance class soon.”*
*“I really shouldn’t-”*
*The man grabbed Angel by the wrist and pulled him along, silent as the dead all the while.*
*“L-look, I appreciate the invite, but I mean you don’t even know me. And I’m human so-”*
*“Not matter. Accept all students.”*
*“Ok, that’s nice and all, but-”*
*Angel gets led to a room of 6 other transformed people and looks around in shock as they watch him enter. Daggers are not being thrown, but the air in the room is clear. These are people who will be wary of the newcomer. To Angel, this was understandable, but a reminder of-*
*“Who’s the new kid, Pulalu?”*
*“...”*
*“Don’t be stupid, Jack. It’s a new student, right?”*
*The man who was called Pulalu by the ape woman nods and walks up to the front of the class leaving a lost Angel behind to his own devices. For the next two hours, Angel and the rest of the class are shown a new routine their instructor made for a performance in Zodiac City to be held in two month’s time. After class, Angel collapsed against a wall breathing drenched in a sea of his own sweat as he tried to catch his breath. While the others left, Pulalu approached Angel and offered his bottle of water to the exhausted boy.*
*“T-thanks. Holy fuck your class is tough!”*
*Pulalu looked down and sat next to Angel before speaking. If he was thinking on his words, Angel couldn’t tell. Pulalu’s face seemed to never show emotion and lay blank.*
*“...Sorry.”*
*“Huh? What for?”*
*“Brought to class. No asking.”*
*“Oh. Don’t sweat it. It’s fine. It was fun! I haven’t done something like this since I was a kid. I almost forgot how relaxing this could be.”*
*Pulalu smiled for just a moment before his face returned to its usual stone cold visage.*
*“Glad…”*
*“Me too. Oh, uh,” Angel held his hand out to Pulalu, “my name is Angel. Only seems right since I know your name now.”*
*Pulalu took his hand and shook it firmly.*
*“Pulalu.”*
*“Heh, nice to meet you Pulalu. So, you teach this class often?”*
*Pulalu nods.*
*“That’s cool! I wouldn’t mind coming up here from time to time. Maybe join in on the class now and again. I have a lot of free time so..”*
*“...Dancing. Not good.”*
*Angel choked on his water and quickly brought his hand up to his mouth and nose in a futile attempt to keep the water from escaping.*
*“W-what?”*
*“Teach more.”*
*Pulalu stood up and offered a hand to Angel.*
*“Like, right now?”*
*Pulalu nods and gestures for him to grab his hand. Angel stares at his hand for just a moment before Pulalu reaches down and grabs Angel himself, yanking him off his ass.*
*“Ok. Guess it’s now.”*
*“Moves...wrong. See again?”*
*“Sure. Yeah. Show me step by step.”*
*After demonstrating a part of the dance, Angel attempted to go through it slowly. His steps were slow and clunky, betraying his thoughts. As he takes his next step, he crosses his feet and falls. Before he can hit the floor, Pulalu grabs him up and carries him. Bridal Style.*
*Angel’s face heated up as Pulalu gently put him down, unaware of the smaller man’s reddening face. As Angel turned away, embarrassed, Pulalu walked up to him from behind and grabbed his arms putting them into the first position of the dance.*
*“Pulalu, what are you doing?”*
*“Angel...too much think.”*
*“Ok?”*
*“Fell.”*
*“Yeah…”*
*Pulalu slowly moves the smaller man’s arms guiding him from motion to motion. The two of them flow through the simple movements as though they were water passing through a stream undisturbed. As Pulalu puts Angel into the final stance, he motions for him to stay like that as he backs up and examines him.*
*“Uh…”*
*“Thinking...stop.”*
*“Meaning?”*
*“Feel.”*
*“Feel what?”*
*“...Dance. Need...Feel.”*
*“I think I get it?”*
*“Angel feel?”*
*Angel breaks his stance and crosses his arms. With eyes shut tight, he takes a brief moment to think on Pulalu’s words who stands there staring and unmoving. As his eyes open, he nods to the man standing before him so smiles softly and nods back. The two of them continue to practice together until the sky’s hue fades from blue, to orange, to purple, to black. Angel looks out the window as he catches his breath and groans.*
*“Ugh, it’s night time.”*
*“...”*
*“I should probably get going, Pulalu. But, I had a great time! Thanks for bringing me into the class.”*
*Pulalu smiles and nods, which makes Angel smile in turn.*
*“So, uh, when do you usually have your classes? I wouldn’t mind coming by again.”*
*“...Follow.”*
*“Ok?”*
*Pulalu leads Angel to a wall holding a calendar. On it, the days Monday and Friday are circled for each week. Wednesdays seem to have been circled as well, but they have since been scribbled out.*
*“Ah, ok then. Not Wednesday?”*
*Pulalu shakes his head.*
*“No. Have...thing.”*
*“That makes sense then. Oh! Before I forget,” Angel looks in his bag, pushing aside his Rescue costume and pulling out his wallet. As he pulls out some cash, Pulalu puts his hand over his, covering it with its massive size and shakes his head.*
*“Uh…”*
*Angel puts his money back as he tried to control his breathing.*
*‘It’s just from the workout,’ he thinks to himself. ‘Right? God fucking…’*
*Pulalu grabs his things and puts a hand on Angel’s shoulder as he leaves, making him recall his own mind from its stasis with his words.*
*“See again?”*
*“Y-yes! I mean, of course I’ll, pfft yeah this was super cool and fun.”*
*Pulalu smiles as he walks out, leaving Angel alone as he heads to the edge of the city. Angel looks around and waves to an avian person who has recently returned from the surface. After a bit of discussion, and some palm greasing, the avian agreed to take Angel and Khloe back down to the city below where Angel makes his way to the docks on the water’s edge.*
*As Angel enters the messy Music Room, he looks about and groans before clearing his desk and fishing out a familiar book bearing an image of one Lou Ann Niccals striking a cute pose surrounded by bright shades of pink and more pink.*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I haven’t written in here for a while. Not since the whole Christmas thing. And since then, things have not been getting much better.
I lost control of the terrors and hurt people in Zodiac City today. I was arrested and was hoping they would just pull the plug and say I was too dangerous to be left to my own devices. I know they wouldn’t do that, but I was hoping with all my heart it would happen. I was useless today. I was of little to no help to people and I’m sure my team is tired of me. I know Lav is at least. Which sucks cuz I know he and Rhiannon have been hanging out some more. I still haven’t talked to her or ~~Osito~~ Dominik since we got her back.
I’m sure I messed up. And, I’m not sure how to fix it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Angel closes his eyes and chokes back his tears. He takes a moment to compose himself and continues only after he feels he has stabilized.*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But, I think things can start turning around. Maybe. I’m not sure.
Sure, Dad and Lou Ann are still missing and I’m not sure where they are. The voice of the Horrorterrors gets louder each day and I lost control. I hurt people. I, probably, lost some friends. I’m an emotional wreck.
All this is bad.
But, I remember one of the first things Dr. Pain tried to teach me was to try and focus more on the positive side of things. It’s a cliche, yeah, but it works because you have to train yourself to do this. And it takes time.
So, instead of beating myself up over things, let’s go for some good things.
I saved some lives today as well. Sure, I used blood magic, but I still saved people. A construction worker was able to go home today. People who were at a church did not have to worry bout a collapse because of me. I did that. And, it was...ok.
Maybe I’m not cut out to be a hero, but maybe those are just all the negative thoughts and the Horrorterrors yelling that. Maybe I can be a hero.
Aside from that, I met some new people today. Well, one at least.
His name is Pulalu and he teaches dance at that new dance study in Zodiac City. His English isn’t the best, but he tries and he seems like a nice guy. He took me into his class and kind of forced me into joining his other students. Even though everyone kept their distance, Pulalu excluded, it felt nice to dance again.
Tia used to teach Zumba and things like that back at the Women’s Center in the old barrio and I’d always join in when I could. Heh, the old ladies loved me. Who wouldn’t after all.
I promised him I’d go to his classes on Mondays and Fridays even though it is pretty out of the way being in the sky and all. I’m looking forward to seeing him again! Maybe we can hang out one of these days.
But, that’s pretty much all the good news I have so far. I should really clean this room though. The floors are dirty and all my shit is everywhere. Abuelita would be so mad if she saw this. Sorry abuela!
Goodnight for now. I’m gonna listen to some music for tonight so I can get some shut eye. My whole body hurts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Once changed, Angel and Khloe lay on the futon and under some covers with headphones playing a song that he found while searching the web.*
*“*
*Dreamless dorm -*
*Ticking clock,*
*I walk away -*
*from the soundless room*
*Windless night -*
*Moonlight melts,*
*My ghostly shadow -*
*to the lukewarm gloom*
*Nightly dance...*
*of bleeding swords...*
*Reminds me that...*
*I still live...*
*I will -*
*(Burn my dread)*
*I once ran away from the god of fear*
*And he chained me to despair-yeah*
*(Burn my dread)*
*I will break the chain and run*
*till I see the sunlight again*
*I'll lift my face*
*and run to the sunlight*
*Voiceless town,*
*tapping feet,*
*I clench my fist,*
*In pockets tight...*
*Far in mist a tower waits...*
*Like a merciless tomb,*
*devouring moonlight...*
*Clockwork maze -*
*End unknown,*
*In frozen time -*
*A staircase stands*
*Shadows crawl -*
*on bloodstained floor,*
*I rush straight ahead -*
*with a sword in hands*
*Cold touch of...*
*My trembling gun...*
*I close my eyes...*
*To hear you breathe...*
*(Burn my dread x2)*
*I will*
*(Burn my dread)*
*This time I'll grapple down that god of fear*
*And throw him into hell's fire*
*(Burn my dread)*
*I will shrug the pain and run*
*till I see the sunlight again*
*Oh, I will run...*
*burning all regret and dread...*
*And I will face the sun -*
*with pride of the living…*
*…”*

## Don't Think Twice [x]

*Angel sat next to Pulalu as they put down the blanket and basket they brought along with them. While things were crazy all around him, he could smile and look on as he sat down next to his dog and...date, he supposes. He chuckles and pulls out some of the burritos he made and handed one to Pulalu and took a bite.*
*“You wouldn’t believe the crazy shit that’s been happening, Pu. So, you know how I told you about my whole...superhero thing right?”*
*Pulalu nods and takes small bite as he looks over Halcyon City, listening and watching as he always does.*
*“Well, Big Team has two less heroes with them now. Not like, in the way that hey met some tragic end or whatever, but they’re moving away. I’m gonna miss them…”*
*“...Good friends?”*
*Angel nods and looks out on the city too, especially where the giant tree once stood the day he and his friends fought The First.*
*“Real good friends. I’m happy for them, I really am. But, it’s still kinda sad. I love both of them, one more than the other I guess, but still. They’re great friends, but I know they’ll make their own way and I’ll see them again. Eventually.”*
*“Loving friends...good. Pulalu and Angel friends. Love each other.”*
*“Yeah. Love each other..”*
*Pulalu laid himself on the grass next to Angel as the pair stared at the sky saying nothing. The pair continued to stare for a minute, then ten, then thirty before Angel took a deep breath to break the silence.*
*“I think I finally figured things out, Pulalu. I thought I knew what I was gonna do after the incident with my dad and Rhiannon, but I didn’t. I just...hoped I would. All this time I’ve been using Rescue as an excuse to not look at myself. And every time I said I would stop, I didn’t. I think it’s cuz I’m scared. And I want people to like me. Everyone. I want to be seen as this perfect angel that can do no wrong to the whole world. But, that’s not how life works.”*
*“I think I have Dom and Jake to thank for this though. We changed Jake’s destiny, in a way. But, he was the one who made the change himself. Sure, he had help and we were all there for him, but in the end he had to make the choice. And he chose to live his life the way he wanted to. Not how everyone else wants it to be.”*
*“All my life I was told who I am and what I am. I made Rescue to hide from all that only for it to follow me anyways. People expect great things from Angel or else he’s just a leech on the Niccals name. People see Rescue and expect him to be a villain because of who his dad is. I thought I was done with letting people decide my story. And yet here I am still doing it..”*
*Angel sighed as he turned over to face a tree to his right. Under the tree, a group of Transformed children played and ran around, making Angel smile.*
*“I still don’t know what to do. I know what I want, I think, but the more I think the more unsure I get. God, this is starting to turn into me rambling isn’t it. What is wrong with me? Do I love the sound of my own voice this much? It’s stupid, but I can’t stop talking when I start. Is it-”*
*Angel stops talking as he feels a furry head press onto his head.*
*“Uh…”*
*A furry arm pulls Angel against a similarly furry body and he feels a vibration coming from behind him. Angel sighs and relaxes his shoulders, just now noticing how tense they got.*
*“I know. Too much thinking, right?”*
*He feels the head on his move.*
*“I know. It’s just...I’m really gonna miss them. I looked up to them both. They just seemed like they knew what they were doing. And now they’re gone. Who’s gonna make sure things get done? And then there’s the new girl, Bitsy. She seems fun and all, but I worry about how she’ll handle being on this team in the first place. And then Rhiannon did...something. I’m not sure what she did, but it was kind of cool. I’m worried she changed a bit though. I just can’t not think. I’m always thinking. And that’s the problem. Too much thinking.”*
*“Thinking not all bad. But...too much is bad. Angel...think less. Not stop thinking.”*
*With a smile, Angel took a deep breath and looked back at the tree. The children now sat in the shade and talked while their parents came to pick them up.*
*“Don’t think twice, huh? I’m not used to that, but you’re right. Too much thinking hurts.”*
*Angel looked at Pulalu as best he could, twisting his neck in a semi-uncomfortable way. “Ok, then it’s settled. I know what I’m gonna do. And you’re my witness.”*
*Pulalu smuiled and raised a brow as he looked down on Angel.*
*“What then?”*
*“I’m gonna be a hero the way I think a hero should be. I want people to be happy and live a good life like Jake and Dom are getting to. They’re living a life I always wanted. And, I want to keep that peace. No more pushing people away. No more wallowing in my own self-pity. A hero is more than their emotional hang ups. It’s time to start living the life I want.”*
*Pulalu smiled and gave Angel a small peck on the cheek and chuckled.*
*“Good. About time. Angel happy….good. Want to keep like that.”*
*“Now I just have to stick to it, right?”*
*“Believe. Angel different now. Stronger.”*
*“Well, I have been working out.”*
*Pulalu shook his head and sat up.*
*“Stronger...here.” He said as he put a hand to Angel’s chest. “Strong heart. Don’t know what happen, but...Angel seem stronger. Makes me happy.”*
*“Know what would make me even happier?” Angel sits up and reaches for the picnic basket and rummages inside. “If me and my date ate some of this good food. I made us a few things my abuela and ama taught me to make. It’s not much, but they always said the best way to a man’s heart is through the stomach.”*
*They both chuckle as they continue to eat and talk. After, Pulalu escorts Angel back to the Big Team base and they say their goodbyes. Once inside his room, Angel goes to his recording equipment as Khloe goes to the bed by Morene, who slithers into a coil as she watches. Angel sets up a camera by the sound mixers and hits record.*
*“Hey Jake! Hey Dom. I just wanted to say thanks to you guys. For everything. I know a CD slash DVD is kind of a cheesy gift, but I just want to make sure you guys don’t forget how I look or sound. Not as Rescue, but as Angel. I know I haven’t always been the best friend to have or the easiest, but you guys have really stuck with me regardless.”*
*Angel takes a deep breath and wipes away some forming tears. He chuckles. He didn’t think things would be this hard.*
*“I’ve always been kind of jealous of you guys, y’know. Not just because of my crush on Dom, but you guys always kind of seemed like you knew what you were doing with your lives. You were like the anchor that kept this team grounded when needed. We’re gonna be a little lost without you guys at first, but we’ll get through. We always do. And, when Russia starts to get to be too much, we’re still here in good ol’ Halcyon.”*
*Angel looks at the camera and smiles.*
*“Don’t worry too much about us, ok? Live your lives. Be happy and do something extraordinary. I know that no matter what, we’ll see each other again. We’re friends after all. And I want to make sure you two know that we’ll be ok. That I’ll be ok. I know what I’m going to do now. Instead of being jealous and envious of you two, I’m going to make sure everyone in the world gets to live a happy life like you two get to. Including me. So, enough talking. I want you guys to know how I feel with more than my words. I have music too, after all.”*
*Angel smiles and pulls the microphone close as he starts his mix and plays on the keyboard nearby. A song about love? A song about self discovery? Or, just a song he enjoys? Regardless of what it’s about, it’s a song that’s him. And that’s what matters the most to him.*
*“*
*How did I live in a kingdom of thieves*
*And people who say things they don't really mean, really mean*
*You're only everything I ever dreamed*
*Ever dreamed of, ever dreamed of*
*You must be kidding me, did you really think*
*I could say no*
*I want you for a lifetime*
*So if you're gonna think twice, baby*
*I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know*
*Everything is just right*
*But if you're gonna think twice, baby*
*I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know*
*I really don't get what everyone else believes*
*So why do I say things I don't really mean, really mean*
*I'm only crying 'cause I never dreamed*
*It'd take this long, it'd take this long*
*I want you for a lifetime*
*So if you're gonna think twice, baby*
*I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know*
*Everything is just right*
*But if you're gonna think twice, baby*
*I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know*
*Don't think twice, don't think twice*
*Don't think twice, baby, don't think twice*
*If you want to take it to an even higher level*
*All you gotta do is say the word, you know I'll follow*
*If you wanna take it to an even higher level*
*I don't, I don't bite*
*If you want to make it happen, nothing's impossible*
*All you gotta do is say the word, the walls will crumble*
*If you want to make it happen, nothing's impossible*
*I want you for a lifetime*
*So if you're gonna think twice, baby*
*I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know*
*Everything is just right*
*But if you're gonna think twice, baby*
*I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know*
*Kiss me once, kiss me twice, kiss me three times*
*Cross the line*
*Don't think twice, don't think twice*
*Don't think twice, baby, don't think twice*
*Kiss me once, kiss me twice, kiss me three times*
*Cross the line*
*Kiss me once, kiss me twice, kiss me three times*
*Be mine*
*Don't think twice, don't think twice*
*Don't think twice, baby, don't think twice*
*…”*

## Juice [x]

*Angel sighs as he looks himself over in the wall mirror of the Fallon dressing room, making sure he looks decent and hides his face properly before going on stage. He adjusted his tie once, then twice, then a third time. He paced around the room, ignoring his new friends and old teammates as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone.*
*[ Hey, are you ok? Things were crazy today and I haven’t heard from you. ]*
*He put his phone away and sat on a sofa as Khloe jumped up and laid across his lap and huffed. Angel huffed with her and kept checking his phone as a minute went by. Then five. Then ten. His leg bounced and sounds were muffled as he pulled up his messenger app yet again.*
*[ I know I’m probably being paranoid, but I’m just really worried. I have to make sure you’re safe, Pulalu. I wasn’t able to go up to Zodiac City today and I just…I love you ok I don’t want to lose someone I care about. ]*
*Angel hesitated and bit his lip before deleting the last part of his text and rewording it.*
*[ I know I’m probably being paranoid, but I’m just really worried. I have to make sure you’re safe, Pulalu. I wasn’t able to go up to Zodiac City today and I just want to be sure things are ok with you. ]*
*As he sends his text out, one of Fallon’s interns shows up to inform Angel and his friends that it is nearly time for them to go up on stage. Angel breathes in deep and closes his eyes for a moment. And then, he gets up with a smile and puts his phone back in his pocket as Khloe follows him out and the lights are soon upon him.*
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
*As Angel walks off stage, he quickly pulls his phone out and looks it over.*
*No messages.*
*Fuck. Fuck please just…*
*His thoughts were broken as the intern spoke up to address the young heroes.*
*“We hope you don’t mind, but Mister Fallon was hoping you all would be interested in staying until the show ends. We still have craft service available until then, but there were some reporters looking to get exclusive interviews with members of the Big Team. If you ask me, it’s about time everyone…”*
*The words faded into the background as Angel felt a vibration in his pocket. With the speed of...well a teen, he pulled his phone out and smiled as his notification read “1 New Message” and opened it.*
*[ Sorry. Busy in City. Had to help. ]*
*[ im just glad to hear back. you scared me! ]*
*[ Sorry… ]*
*[ lol dont worry im not really mad i could never be mad at you ]*
*[ d–(^ ‿ ^ )z ]*
*[ c( ⁰ 〰 ⁰ )੭ ]*
*[ listen though, do u...have a moment? ]*
*[ Always. ]*
*[ good! meet me at the national park. i really want to see u tonight. all this crazy mess today just...i feel like i can always talk to u about these things. ]*
*[ Glad. Need talk to you also. ]*
*[ oh? thats a little rare. ]*
*[ Important. ]*
*Angel bit his lip again brought his hands to his face. He let out a long sigh and shook his head before noticing that he was already back in the dressing room with his friends.*
*“Uhm, sorry y’all I have to run. There’s something I have to take care of.”*
*“No worries.” said the intern as they politely bowed. “I will inform Mister Fallon. Please be careful and use the back exit if you’re looking to avoid crowds and reporters.”*
*“Thanks. Uh, take care everyone. C’mon, Search, we gotta roll.”*
*Khloe stretched out and yawned before lazily following Angel out the dressing room. Angel asked many other interns and workers on how to get out the back before finally making his way and sighing as the cold air hit his face. He took a deep breath and sighed before looking around and walking off towards the direction of the park and taking off his mask.*
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
*Angel sat on a bench by the water’s edge and rested his elbows on his knees and looked wistfully over the water’s surface. He stared at the moon reflecting off the surface and started to doze off. As his eyes closed, he saw images of him and his family. His whole family. Ama, Apa, Abuelita, the whole family laughing and cooking molé as people talked. Dad walked in with Lou Ann and joined the talks like he was just...another family member. And everyone loves Pulalu, of course. Why wouldn’t they. Things are perfect.*
*But, why is it getting darker? And louder? No. No don’t! You can’t!*
*Angel is shocked awake as a hand touches his shoulder. He breathes sharply and stands, fist raised as he looks into those same bright yellow eyes he’s grown accustomed to. They stared back, unwavering, determined. Soothing. His breathing started to even out, but when he looked at his hand he saw nothing but pitch. He closes his eyes and shakes his head as he feels the screams and noises retreat to nothing more than a soft whisper.*
Good*, he thinks to himself.* I don’t need this right now. Besides, I have him to think about.
*Angel goes up and hugs Pulalu, who hugs him back and rests his head on the smaller man’s. They stayed for a while before Pulalu breaks the embrace and holds Angel by the shoulders.*
*“Ok?”*
*Angel nods and reaches his hand out to Pulalu’s, but stops as he feels a bag.*
*“What’s that for?”*
*Pulalu shakes his head and transfers the bag to his other hand before grabbing Angel’s with a small smile.*
*“Later. Walk. Talk.”*
*Angel smiles and tightens his grip as the couple walk along the water’s edge. Couple, huh? He sincerely hopes that’s true. Maybe…*
*Angel leans over and rests his head on Pulalu’s shoulder as they walk. Angel breathes in deep and smells the subtle hint of his cologne. That’s new. But, relaxing. Angel closes his eyes and nestles against him to absorb his warmth. He felt the soft vibrations coming from Pulalu and chuckled.*
*“Purring again.”*
*“Can’t help. Cute.”*
*“I know. Didn’t you have something to talk about?”*
*“Can wait as well. You had rough day. Saw on show.”*
*“You were watching Fallon?”*
*Pulalu shrugged. “And news. Talk?”*
*Angel leaned away and nodded.*
*“Yeah...is that fine?”*
*A squeeze of the hand. And a smile. Always a man of action..*
*“Well, where to start. We already knew things would be crazy after Zodiac City started spewing pink mist. But, things were just so chaotic. I wanted to get up there, but next thing I know I see a building of people on my way and just...well I had to help. Challenge was there too, doing her acrobatic thing. Then there was Parrot being...Parrot I suppose. And Lance. Who was,,,kind of kicking ass too. I’m still kind of mad at them though..”*
*Pulalu looked over at Angel as he pulled him to another bench. The moon shone brighter on this side of the lake and just made him look more...more. Pulalu sat them down and pulled Angel close as they relaxed and nudged him to continue.*
*“They just...abandoned me for a moment to save Godspeed. Don’t get me wrong, I would’ve rushed to him too, but it did sting a little. Literally. I had this small girl in my arms and I curled up to protect her from the GREY soldiers who came at us. I still have some bruises I’m sure, but Khloe can- oh fuck wait.”*
*Angel patted the empty spot next to them on the bench and Khloe immediately jumped up and rested her head on Angel’s lap. He stroked her head and smiled as his thoughts started to drift for a moment. A future like this...is one he could get used to.*
*“Anyways, there were too many soldiers for us to fight and with Godspeed knocked out there was no chance of going on. We had to run. I was just glad I got the civilians out safely. We rushed to a hospital that was taking refugees and heroes alike. It was nice. Had a moment of calm in all this mess. Parrot apologized and patched me up which made me feel much better about earlier. Still mad, but better. We even started helping out the hospital. At least until Parrot ran off somewhere with Lance and oh wow surprise more mess.”*
*“Bam. Termites. Popping up out of a hole and spraying heroes with this weird gray goop that turned off people’s powers. I don’t know what the others were doing, but I had to act fast. Well, we did, actually.” He said as he patted Khloe’s head who just let out a content sigh and brought a chuckle out of Pulalu.*
*“I worked on turning the sprinklers on and MVP over here gathered a whole bunch of useful items together as I did so. Was able to magic them together to make a plug to cover that termite hole. The others started pushing the termites back again and plop, seal the hole. Twice I was helpful today it was great. I felt like a real hero today. Been feeling that more and more lately. But, I think I can learn more..”*
*Pulalu pulled Angel closer and squeezed him tighter before speaking up.*
*“Then?”*
*“You want me to keep going?”*
*“Like hearing. You sound happy. Happy...good.”*
*“I’m happy cuz I’m with you, Pul. Talking with you makes me feel better already.”*
*“Then talk.”*
*“Heh, fine. So...we needed help. And, apparently, there are mole people who live under Halcyon. I guess they really love basketball?I don’t know much about them. But, what I do know is a few things. One, I can make a giant ball for people to roll around safely in which is awesome. And, two, they knew about me. And my dad. That was a bit of a shock.”*
*“Bad?”*
*“No, things turned out ok. We were able to get them to see past a lot of things, but I guess they’re just hard to please. They were about ready to turn us away, until Challenge did...probably the ballsiest thing I can think of. She took off her mask. I just...why? I know we needed their help, but that was just crazy. Apparently, they knew her and they rallied behind her. It was...amazing.”*
*“Although, when we got back to the surface, there she was. A giant termite queen and her army. I won’t lie, Pul, things were insane. Termites were overrunning the city and I felt so small. Things were not looking great. And...the Horrorterrors tried to come out. I don’t know why, but they did and it scared me, but that slight moment of weakness got the Mole King in a bad situation. And things just kept escalating. The ground started breaking and I was able to keep some of us up, but then a helicopter started going crazy and…”*
*Angel took a deep breath as Pulalu rubbed his arm. It was soothing, at least. Angel finally leaned back into Pulalu and looked up at the sky to watch the stars.*
*“We made it though. Somehow. The city is safe now and we get to live our lives. I just haven’t heard from anyone else on the team yet. I’m worried. But, you’re safe at least and I’ll take that as a win.”*
*Pulalu looked down at Angel and smiled. The pair locked eyes and leaned closer to each other before sharing a tender kiss. In that moment, Angel felt at peace. Truly. His muscled relaxed and his eyes closed as his mind raced. This was their first kiss. Under the moonlight. By the lake. Kind of cheesy, but very romantic. He loved it. And he never wanted it to stop.*
*But, it had to stop eventually. Angel giggled as they separated their faces and Pulalu purred against his ear.*
*“Pul, stop!”*
*“No~”*
*“We’re in a park. In public.”*
*“Not care. Too cute.”*
*“Well, you need to talk too jerk! Do that first and then you can keep being flirty.”*
*Pulalu smiled and pulled away before giving Angel the bag he’s been holding all night.*
*“Gift.”*
*“That’s it?”*
*Pulalu shook his head as Angel took the bag and put it on his lap.*
*“Want ask.”*
*“Ask what?”*
*“Why hero?”*
*Angel stared at Pulalu who stared back as usual. Angel rubbed his neck and huffed.*
*“That’s...tough.”*
*“I know.”*
*“Why ask?”*
*“Want...make sure. Make sure Angel stay happy. Want Angel stay happy. Always.”*
*“That’s...really sweet Pul. Uh...I guess I want to stay a hero because I want other people to be happy. I saw Jake and Dom being happy. I looked in the mirror lately and...I was happy too. ANd I want other people to feel this happy and safe. Like how I feel with you, I guess. Kind of sappy, but, every little moment counts these days.”*
*Pulalu smiles and gives Angel a small kiss before nodding.*
*“Good. Angel happy. Now gift.”*
*Angel rolled his eyes and reached into the bag and pulled out…*
*“You made this?”*
*Pulalu shook his head. “Had help.”*
*“It’s beautiful, Pul. I’ve been needing a new hero outfit.”*
*Pulalu smiled as his tail flicked slightly. Before purring in Angel’s ear again.*
*“Pul!”*
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
*“*
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Don't say it, ’cause I know I'm cute (Ooh, baby)
Louis down to my drawers
LV all on my shoes (Ooh, baby)
I be drippin' so much sauce
Gotta been lookin’ like RAGÚ (Ooh, baby)
Lit up like a crystal ball
That's cool, baby, so is you
*That's how I roll*
If I'm shinin’, everybody gonna shine (Yeah, I'm goals)
I was born like this, don't even gotta try (Now you know)
I’m like chardonnay, get better over time (So you know)
Heard you say I'm not the baddest, bitch, you lie
*Ain't my fault that I’m out here gettin’ loose*
Gotta blame it on the Goose
Gotta blame it on my juice, baby
Ain't my fault that I’m out here makin' news
I'm the pudding in the proof
Gotta blame it on my juice
Ya-ya-ee, ya-ya-ee, ya-ya-ee, ya-ya-ee
Blame it on my juice, blame it, blame it on my juice
…”