Books

## A BOWL OF CUSTOMS - by Billy Getdown

The land of Quill is steeped in superstition and quirky customs.

From maypole dances and fartfests, to cheese rolling and the underpant frenzy, there are many local events that take place on certain times during the year.

Did you know, that in the village of Gaslight, they burn a giant red candle to keep Old Man WickleSticks away from their livestock.

A cast of bizarre, benevolent and malevolent characters turn up within certain season and carry out their traditions, whether they be having candies thrown at them, hypnotic dances and chewing off of any face that has not been smeared with herbs.

Daddy Long Legs, Fred Barleycorn, Mag the Moghog, Stringsausageman, Tickling Tom Hookfingers and Shuffling Nana, among others, both amuse and terrify in equal measure.

So be sure to find out when these appearances occur, and take appropriate action. Wear your charms, bring your candies, light your candles and scatter gooseberries around your home.

And do not forget the special places in the world. The Laughing Stone, the Pool of Silence, the Strapping tree and the Five Quivers.

Quill is a land full of colour and life, but also danger and intrigue.

Learn its ways, lest you offend the spirits, or worse still, get bongled.

## A load of Hogwash: Caring for your pig - by M.C Ham

PIG CARE INFO TO BE WRITTEN WHEN WE FIND A PROPER WRITER GOOD ENOUGH TO TALK ABOUT PIG CARE AND MAKE IT FUNNY.

## Animal Control for Village Idiots - by Barbara Woodworm

Dog gone? Cat napping? Pig won't fly? Sheep acting woolly? Chicken playing er...chicken?

Then you need the power of your lips! Just put your lips together, blow outwards and Whistle!

By pressing LB on gamepad, and TAB on keyboard, you can bring up a list of all your pets and owned animals.

From there you can summon your faithful four or two-legged friends to your side, ask them to stay put or send them home.

Quillian animals are fiercely loyal, and have truly great senses so they always know their way home.

The whistle will also help if you lose them, as animals are known for getting distracted by the call of nature, the smell of pies and generally anything glittery!

## AN ODE TO DRUIDA - by P. NUTT

Oh Goddess fair, of apple scent hair,
Oh beauteous Fae deity, of deep joy and gaiety,
Oh how the orchards whisper your name,
Oh how they tell of your grace and your fame.

Your Appleseed tastes ever so sweet,
Oh Druida whose fruit do fall at her feet,
She, with smile from branch to strong bough,
Laughing 'mongst willow and silent old plough,
Oh beauteous Goddess with blossom soft hand,
Fulfil our rich orchards and bless our fair land.

## A PLEA - by Bernie Cake

The good folk of the Vale allowed the miners of Deepstone work our tin and iron mines. Yet even those experienced men and women were too scared once the knocking started, and they left.

Now it is just me and the Knockers. I stay here trying to mine the ore as my family needs the Brass.

I hear them even now, making their infernal sounds. There is a creeping dread that I am being watched and sometimes feel a presence behind me, and dare not turn around.

As I write, the Knocking grows louder and the presence looms large behind me.

I know if I turn around I might be staring straight at a pair of big Knockers, or worse.

If you find these notes, please tell my wife, PATTY.

## Ashes From the Remnant - by Shirley Access

Long before the Fae came back into the world, man was sowing his own demise.

As civilisations crumbled and new powers arose in an ongoing cycle, strange and dangerous groups appeared and each with their own agendas.

Some wandered the wastelands and fought over milk. Some hid underground or underwater and tried to create totalitarian societies.

Others attempted to build cities in the sky, but these were stupidly heavy and fell down.

When the Fae finally appeared, a new group formed in protest at these ungodly creatures and launched their attacks from their deep caves.

They called themselves the New New Order, after it was pointed out by Fred Duranduran that there had already been a New Order.

They dressed in brown tunics with yellow hoods and harkened back to the ancient Crusaders.

Their Order would restore honour among mankind and remove this blasphemous horde from the world.

Unfortunately, they caves they hid in were home to the Cave Hags, and these deadly witches cursed these intruders to serve them eternally.

Now the Order are undead knights, bound to walk the caves and forests as servants to the Dark Fae forces.

Remnants of mankind's last resistance.

## Brounies Are Not Cookies - by Pa Baker

The Brounie. Brownie. Brunaidh, Uruisg, or Gruagach. Ancient texts have many names for these most enigmatic and mysterious of Fae folk.

It is said a brounie resembles a small hooded man, with a large nose and wrinkly skin. It's eyes are large and blue and its fingers long and slender.

Brounies love to aid in tasks around the house or orchards when given little offerings of food which the folk of Quill leave in large copper or clay bowls outside their homes.

Brounies do not like to be seen and will only work at night. It is worth finding out their favourite foods as they will be happier and give better boons.

If no offering is given then Brounies can show bad temper and cause trouble, so it is best to put something in your bowl daily.

Brounies forgive quick though, they say, and tasty treats sate their ire as though an angry child given candy.

## Bumper Book of Chuckles - by Chief Kegwin

My spouse had a face that launched a thousand ships. It is shaped like a bottle.

A lady killed by her own clothes was a fashion victim.

Did you hear about the compost tycoon? He was filthy rich.

I keep a ruler in my pocket for good measure.

I am 82% good and 21% bad at mathematics.

Scented candles get on my wick.

I found a missing limb at the foot of our stairs.

They say a good invisible man is hard to find.

I had a hobby-horse. He loved board games, sewing and collecting butterflies.

The best quality gunpowder you can't hold a candle to.

I was going to open the world's smallest tavern. Well that was my inn-tent.

Did you hear about the vibrating undead? He had trouble keeping body and soul together.

Do tree-men have woodpeckers?

Stealing the remains of my hay was the last straw.

My mutt talks while snoozing and said he could fly and once fought a dragon. Which is why you should never let sleeping dogs lie.

I gave my friend a boomerang as a gift with the message 'Many Happy Returns' on it.

Ground beef. Shredded pork. Sorry I am just mincing my words.

At the new pet protection home there isn't room to swing a cat.

I dream of filled pastry in the clouds but it is just pie in the sky.

I had fertility problems so got something for the weekend.

A highwayman said stand and deliver, so I stood up and took my liver out.

I made a bird out of cowpats. It was a stool pigeon.

## Calendar - by Richard Whitepea

TO TELL OF EVENTS AND THE TRACKING OF EVENTS IN A FUTURE UPDATE

## Cat Care for Beginners - by Alice Comb

Oh my Goddess! I absolutely love cats!

They are fluffy and cute and bouncy and have spangly eyes and cute wittle noses.

Contrary to ancient belief, Quillian cats love milk!

They like being stroked and can be tamed very well and will follow you around if they really, really like you.

They say cats can also sense the dead and see spirits. My little Stephen can. Stephen Pawkins I call him.

He is the cleverest cat and will HISS when ghosts are present. It scared me the other day when he hissed at the milk delivery man, who must have has a ghost behind him.

That ghost must be there a lot as Stephen hisses at that man every time he visits.

They say cats have another skill but sadly not my cat. When he is not chasing fish being dragged around, he is either asleep or worrying the chickens.

That's all you need to know so make sure you treat your cat well, or I will come around to your house with Mr Pawkins and not only will I be very very cross, but I will also beat the living \*\*\*\* out of you.

## Ceremony of Passing - by L.Razor

Death is not the end. Nor is it the beginning of the end, but more, the end of the beginning.

A great man once made that speech. I am of course talking Alfred Dapleshink of Woemarsh, although I get the hunch he stole that.

For us pagans, the notion of death being an end is absurd. We all know that once the shell of the person we knew sinks into the dark waters, then their energies are released
and return into the bosom of nature.

It is our belief that the Fae take the shell and the lifeforce is dispersed back into the roots and barrows and the soul taken and placed into the shell of a new flower or animal.

How the shell lived their life, before their transmutation, dictates what they will return as.

Someone sweet in nature may be a honeysuckle or strawberry bush. Someone who was playful may become a hare or butterfly. A person who was hard working might live again as a bee.

It is a beauteous way that we have. We live and give back into the flow of nature to keep the world growing and renewing. Nothing is wasted, and we do not leave our dead to crumble into worthless dust.

We can be content and at peace, knowing that our loved ones are among us again, bringing new colour and life to our wonderful, simple world.

## Conception Art: Woods in the woods - by Ivy Heff

What is creation?

Who created us?

What does it mean to be created, and then create creations that create creations that create creations?

These questions have been asked since time immemorial, although maybe not quite like that.

In the world we call Quill, conception is enhanced by mating at certain pools, or glades. Maybe an ancient tree that radiates power.

In a junkyard perhaps, at midnight.

The energies of creation ebb and flow around these special places, so what might be good fun at dawn, may not yield a fertile seed.

However, hit that same magical spot at dusk and the chances may be increased.

It is best to learn the best times and locations from locals, who will have flattened a bit of grass in their time.

It also helps to chew on certain foods, or partake of special virility potions, although I heard of a man who couldn't swallow a performance enhancing herb and got a stiff neck.

Naida, the Goddess of Fertility is also a good source of help when you feel the need, feel the need to seed.

Making offerings to her, or worshipping at her fertility statues is sure to aid in gaining the gift of creation.

## Cooking Brilliant! - by Gordon Bleugh

'\*\*\*\*\*\*\* recipes are \*\*\*\*\*\*\* brilliant! Follow a \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* recipe and you can gain all sorts of \*\*\*\* hot effects.

One can increase their speed, making them \*\*\*\*\*\*\* faster than a hare!

How about extra strength for throwing or hitting \*\*\*\*\* in the face? Want to see in the dark? Cook a \*\*\*\*\*\*\* carrot based recipe and the night clears like a \*\*\*\* in a \*\*\*\*-\*\*\*\*.

Pies and cakes can be baked in brick kilns, and you can stick any old \*\*\*\* in a pie and it will likely taste great!

One thing to remember though, you \*\*\*\*\*, is that ingredients have Traits, so watch what you are cooking unless you want to \*\*\*\* like a Dragon, and trust me, I have \*\*\*\* myself until I was a string.

Another thing to know when cooking or baking, is to watch the \*\*\*\*\*\*\* temperature, because too hot and the \*\*\*\* spoils, or too much rise and the \*\*\*\*\* pops and your cake will look like a badger's \*\*\*\* hanging out of its \*\*\*\* \*\*\*\*.

And why do I talk like this? Well I forgot to check my Traits and have been afflicted with \*\*\*\*\*\*\* Curse Trumpeting you \*\*\*\*\* shaped, \*\*\*\* inhaling balloon head.

## Cough Up the Dough - A Guide to Good Baking - by Tom Bakery

There are two types of cooking in Quill...using a stove to create stews and soups, or using a kiln to make pies, bread and cakes.

We are only interested in baking in this book, so find a good kiln and open up your Recipe Book.

Choose the ingredients you want to place them onto the paddle, then move the paddle to the right.

Push the paddle forward into the kiln and watch the gauge.

When the bar hits the 'sweet spot' (literally!), then pull down to remove the paddle and reveal your baked delight!

Either it will be as stout as an oak and with a lovely crust and hot filling...or it will be withered like my pride after Melanie Baps rejected my proposal.

We could have made such sweet breads together. I will never get to cup her cakes.

I will have to become a master baker in order to forget her!

## Creatures of the Forest: Hobs, Lobs and Nobs - by Wendy Go

If you go down to the woods today, you are sure for a big surprise.
If you go down in the woods today
You'd better go in disguise!

For every Hob that ever there was
Will gather there for certain because
Today's the day the Small Ones have their picnic

Picnic time for Hobs and Lobs
The little folk are having a lovely time today.
Watch them, catch them unawares
And slay them quick before they get away.

See them hiding in the shrubs
Sharpening knives, they never have any cares.
At six o'clock the big bad Nobs
Will waken from their beds
And try to tear you all to bits.

Every child who's ever been bad
And cursed to roam the deeps
Filling globes with noxious gas
And stabbing fools in their sleeps.
Beneath the trees where nobody sees
They'll hide and seek as long as they please
'Cause that's the way the Small Ones have their picnic.

## Dairy of a Milkman

[excerpts from a very long diary]

Day 232 - Forgot to make an Offering yesterday morning before my delivery round. Now all the milk is curdled.

Day 245 - That bloody cat! The Comb woman has a cat that is a real terror, so I gave it some milk spiced with a little Go-Easy Potion from Sipp & Winters.

Day 246 - I slipped on the Comb woman's front path. Realised it was cat poo. There was like a river of it. Too much potion?

Day 247 - Cat suspects me! Everytime I go to that house it hisses at me. Must keep low profile.

Day 254 - Slept with Old Betty the bearded lady. Drowned my guilt with 3 pints of milk.

Day 255 - Threw up all morning so went to the Apothecary for a cure. Turns out I had drank curdled milk. Yep, forgot my offerings again.

Day 279 - Not much has happened lately but today saw Tommy Hawk having it away with Harriot Jumpjett in the hay behind her husband's barn.

Day 283 - Curse those Brounies! I forgot my offerings and my prize cows now honk every time I squeeze their udders.

Day 303 - Considering offering myself to the Goddesses on Rebirth Day, if only to stop this endless, tiresome circle.

## Dangerous or Funny? - by Dan Tedium

I had a dream the other night I was being watched by thousands of people in the sky.

They had books for faces and were twitching uncontrollably.

"You! Hold this Tube!" shouted one.

Another called out "Put it in the mixer!"

Other minions were off to the side, chatting and chittering endlessly.

"Reddit" burped a passing frog.

They had strange names like 'TheGebs24','PaulSoaresJr' and 'XboxP3'.

The dream disturbed me so much I left my home and headed north.

The voices remained in my head, whispering things like "I must buy a higher tier!" "Amazing game created by a genius no doubt" and "Did that pig just pop?".

As I left The Vale, the voices faded and I was left alone with just the sweet twitter of the birds...

## Druida - Goddess of Orchards - by Mae Poll

All of the Vale worship Druida, Goddess of Orchards. She is revered as a gentle soul, full of laughter and very fair of face.

Offerings to her may bless the worshipper with juicy apples and pears, and sweeter berries.

Offend this usually calm Fae Lady and you can expect worms in your fruit, sour pears, curdled milk and even blight.

It is worth speaking to local folk to find out what offerings she prefers. It is widely known she has an aversion to meat and fish, so be careful!

## Freyl: Goddess of Fields - by Mae Poll

The good folk of Mellowfields worship Freyl. She is said to be strong and fair, with cornrows on her head.

Blessings to her will imbue your crops and vegetables with great growth and quality.

It is said that her laughter can be heard amongst the gently swaying wheat, but the laughter stops when the harvest has been brought in, for she hates winter.

Freyl is a lady who loves the sun, gentle brooks and rich soil.

The people of Mellowfields all vie to grow the biggest, hardiest vegetables in her honour, although they are usually inedible.

## Goddess Statues for Village Idiots - by William Idol

Ancient texts tell of when, shortly after The Agreement, the Fae built statues all over Quill so that mankind could honour their protectors.

Each statue represented all six of the Goddesses to simplify worship, and to show unity amongst the Fae deities.

It is said that the statues have another purpose, and that if a simple offering is offered, then by crawling into the hole in the base, one will become dizzy and pass out inside and awaken in another part of the Haven.

The act of crawling is likely symbolic as prostrating yourself fully before the Goddess.

Each haven has a dedicated Goddess, and so the offering must be her totem item. In the case of Druida, Goddess of Orchards, this is a simple apple.

Making an offering of an apple in another haven will not work, and so the person wishing to travel must discover which offering is suitable for which Haven.

A lot of Quillians do not bother with the need for this kind of travel, so just prefer to walk.

## Grinding. Or How to pad things out - by Destiny Craftwar

Grinding! In ancient times, people would play games for years on end, in order to gain slightly bigger numbers, or slightly better looking pants.

They would spend countless hours poring over statistics and drop rates and walk back and forward, back and forward, doing the same thing just so they could maybe find an item with 0.00007% more damage.

In the modern world, the only grinding, other than of teeth, is that of a good old millers stone.

Simply bring some wheat to the millstone, and interact. You can now create lovely fluffy flour for your baking needs!

Of course, this is not implemented yet, but by reading this you can get frothy with excitement at the thought of spending countless hours running back and forwards, just in the hope that you can make some slightly better quality flour.

Oh.

## Infiledity? No such word - by Isla Walker

In ancient times, marriage was a holy act, and to break it was a sin.

However, times have changed (obviously) and the ways of our Neo-Pagan society are vastly different to those dusty old ways.

If a person loves someone, it is accepted that they may marry, even if they are already married.

A new marriage is a rebirth, just as death is, and everyone understands that love is a spirit that flows through us all.

The spirit may stop to rest, but will often feel the need to drift elsewhere and search for a new host.

There may be some sadness if a bond was strong, but the affected partner knows that is was not meant to be, as the spirit has chosen another.

Love must spread, like pollen, and keep nurturing our land.

The spreading of free love also means that rumpy pumpy with someone already connected to another is tolerated.

There may be some jealousy or upset, but we dare not risk the wrath of our Goddesses who encourage our more frisky endeavours.

Love must spread. Seed must spread. Butter must spread.

These are the tenets that make up the pillars of our lives. Break the pillar and the temple collapses and all you are left with is dry toast.

## I.P Everywhere by Uri Nepot

I.P in the bushes. I.P in the tree,

I.P in the woodland. I.P all on me,

I.P in the fountain and in the old dark well,

I.P in the valley. I.P in the dell.

I.P when it's dark and I.P for a dare,

Intellectual Property...it's everywhere!

## KYNSEED OWNERSHIP MANUAL

Greetings. If you are reading this, then you have taken ownership of the Kynseed.
There are a few things you should know, to help increase your enjoyment of this most magical of artefacts.
Once planted near your home, you can then...

See Fae and converse with them freely.
Examine the roots to see your family tree and unlock Perks. As your tree grows, so does your power!
Pass on your skills and knowledge to your nominated heir.

Simply interact with the tree to access options (not in current build).

Your tree grows over many years and represents your lineage....their success or failure, reputation and wealth.
Apples may grow to show your children, and marriage with entwine two trunks.

Keep an eye on the reprint of this book in future updates for more information.

## LAWS OF THE LAND OF QUILL - PART ONE by Judy Judge

Since the Great Reclamation, the Great Accord was written between the Great Masters of Opal and the Great Fae Elders. They made everything Great.

Every Quillian abides by these laws, although they do need the influence of our beloved Goddesses to guide us and stop us straying from The Path and into darkness.

Although these laws are ingrained in our souls, for those who need reminder, or strangers from way beyond, these are the laws...

MURDER IS FORBIDDEN

TAKING PROPERTY YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO TAKE IS FORBIDDEN

A FAMILY MAY ONLY HAVE UP TO 3 CHILDREN

DISRESPECTING YOUR GODDESS IS NOT ADVISED

OFFERINGS MUST BE MADE ON YOUR GODDESS DAY

OPAL MAY ONLY BE ENTERED BY THOSE DEEMED WORTHY

THE STORK DELIVERS ALL BABIES

THE CREATURES OF THE DARK PLACES SHALL BE KEPT TO THEIR SHADOWS

YOU MUST NEVER BUILD IN THE DARK PLACES OF THE WORLD

There may be more laws yet to come, but these would be at the will of the Creator, and likely to help with explaining why you can't do certain things in Quill.

## Legendary Monsters - by Simon Bellbottoms

The Dark Forests of Quill are no place for the feint of heart. We all know about the Hobs, Lobs and Nobs.

We tremble at the stories told to us of wicked Hags, ancient dead and dangerous fluttering Nymphs.

Yet, nightmares are made from the tales of the legendary mosters that dwell in the spaces between worlds.

Children cower when parents tell them of the Buggane, a fearsome monster said to be 12 feet tall with skin like iron.

Many a night around the fire brings hushed whispers of huge monsters in the far north, with breath of fire.

Some nights, one might hear the distant wailings on the Banshee as she wanders rotting ruins searching for lost souls to harvest.

Nobody has seen these monsters and lived, save for the one they call Jogon, Master of Combat, and he still bears the scars of his narrow escape at foul talons.

So beware dear reader! Beware the moon. Beware the fetid midnight ponds and pitch, timeless caves. Beware the depths of untrodden swamps and the blood moon shining on secret glades.

For darkness treads there, and the only thing that can save you, is death itself.

## My Diary - by Ken Tiller

That Veg Rarney! Who does he think he is? Just because he fills his garden with turnips he thinks he is the lord of the Plots.

Has he not seen my onions? Does he not appreciate the well tended flowers and beautiful lavender?

I think he has always been jealous of my success and just copies me to try get one over on me.

I get a greenhouse...he must get a greenhouse. I get a new step...he must get a new step.

I get a windmill....well he can't afford a windmill so I have him there!

That man must know that I am the best in this part of the haven, and if anyone is going to beat those Lawns, it is going to be me.

## Naida - Goddess of Fertility - by Mae Poll

The cheery folk of Summerdown worship Naida, Goddess of Fertility. Naida is full of laughter and joy, and thrives on the fine pleasures in life.

She is said to be a buxom lady, of rounded figure, red of cheek and a wide smile.

Offerings to Naida will be returned with empowered fertility, stronger offspring and increased pleasure.

Get on her wrong side and expect children full of weakness, a sterile seed and limpness of the loin.

Offerings to her should be of things that give much pleasure, and girth!

## OPAL - CITY OF DEITIES - by Milky Wahey

Opal. The city of many colours. Irridescent. Effervescent. Eternal.

The city of Goddesses.

Opal is said to lie to the far north, through the Tears of Forever.

Those who wish to be Goddess Blessed may stand before the Mirryrs and state their case.

If the Goddesses favour your worth, then you will be blessed by them and given incredibly long life.

However, in return there is a cost. The 'Master' must pass on their skills to those willing to learn, and they can never love nor reproduce.

It is thought that the Goddesses seek one who will be powerful enough to be worthy of entry to Opal, and join them in immortality.

## PAGANISM - A GREAT SACRIFICE - by Bernie Mann

In Quillian custom, Offerings are a way of life. Each of our beloved Goddesses has their own preferences.

Druida, Goddess of Orchards, loves the sweet fruits that grow on trees, and despises the taste of flesh.

Once a year a greater Offering must be made. On the First Goddess day of each year, in Spring, a living sacrifice must be made per family at the appointed place.

For the people of The Vale, this Offering is given on the Festival Green by placing the sacrifice inside the Woodfellow.

The greater the sacrifice, the greater the reward. Small animals are fine, but their acceptibility is limited. A family member is considered the greatest honour and surely ensures a year of good favour.

## Planning your Wedding for village idiots - by Isla Walker

Once you have completed your ritual of proposal, and offered the Binding Band to your lover, you must plan the big day!

A wedding planner will help you decide on which day you will have the ceremony.

Choose a date and location. Some places give better benefits, although at a higher cost. High Priests need to eat too you know?

And have you seen the price of ceremonial robes these days? Ridiculous.

Once the time and location are set, then all you need to ensure is arrival before noon of the special day.

Go to the High Priest and you will then begin the ceremony.

After the words are spoken, the Priest will invoke the Spirits.

When a Spirit has chosen you, your spouse and your good self will be imbued with a sample of their power.

What is more, when you copulate, any conception will result in your child being imbued permanently with that power increase!

However, divorce your spouse and you both lose that Spirit. Your child will be unaffected by any break in the union.

Once the ceremony is done, then your spouse will return to your home to fulfill their duties of marriage...so enjoy this new life together and get makin' babies!

## Pointless Collectible or Great Design: A Guide to Catching Insects - by B.Keeper

Let's talk about insects! (book contents to be written properly in the future!)

There are 5 types of collectible flappy small creatures...Bees, Fireflies, Wisps, Moths and Butterflies.

Some only appear at night, some gather by light and different types can be found in different regions.

Got to catch all of them in some sort of collection! (Hmmm must think of a catchier phrase for that).

## READ THIS IF YOU DO NOT READ - by Maple Stirrup

Many people go through life never stopping to actually care about the words in books.

They do not notice the mistakes or heed the advice.

These people do not know you can press RIGHT BUMPER or LEFT SHIFT to run.

They didn't know you can hold LEFT TRIGGER or LEFT CONTROL or F to read signposts.

There is an ALWAYS RUN toggle in the Options you know?!

You can plant seeds on soil patches. There's a world map as well as a local map if you take the time to actually look.

Animals will Follow you if you use that command. Don't complain! Ask them to stop following with the right option on the interaction menu!

Did you also realise you can hold down buttons on a gamepad to bring up radial menus, then use the stick up and down to change categories?

Life is sooo much simpler if you read!

Saying that, the other day I did not read the label on a potion I bought and now my husband is 12 inches tall.

## See The Future - by Count Pixel the Studious

Imagine a world. A world where villagers have interesting backstories, reactive artificial intelligence, fun conversation systems and their own relationships.

A world where combat is smooth and responsive and the enemies are varied, scary and increasingly tougher.

A place of economies, gameplay loops, hidden things to find and secrets to uncover.

It is a land where you will be able to charm people, marry them, mate with them and nurture your offspring.

There are so many, many things to come in this future...all it needs is some imagination.

So close your eyes reader and imagine.

Actually, don't close your eyes, or you won't be able to read this.

## Small limericks - by Y Fruntz

There was a blacksmith called Nick
Who got a nail stuck in a part of his reproductive organ

The end

## SMITHS DON'T HAVE TO BE DEPRESSING - by Anne Ville

Welcome Blacksmith!

If you are reading this, then you have likely purchased your own Smithy.

Hours of hot toil, bending the elements to your will, lay ahead.

Smithing is a smoky art. It is a labour of love, sweat and giving things a good old hammering.

To help you out on the journey into the world of iron and muscle, I have forged this book.

Well, I have written it.

To begin, the basics. There are multiple types of ore you can mine.

Use these, combined with a mould to create your works.

Customers will come in to your shop and either ask for something off your shelves, or request orders.

Some customers are more patient than others, so if you need more time, just yell at them from the forge...they will understand.

When you finish crafting an item, you can send it to the shelf or to your order cabinet.

You can also turn old, unsold or unwanted items back into their base material, but this process can go wrong and you may lose it.

It is recommeded that 2 people run a smithy...one for the shop and one for the forge.

Someone charming is better placed selling, and someone strong is a better fit for the crafting.

Do not forget to use your Ledger to set opening hours, check accounts, hire and fire and order in stock.

And at the end of the day, do not forget to interact with the sign to close up!

## THE BALLAD OF BORED BOB - by S.T. Deeble

There was a chicken farmer called Bob
Who had a huge lump on his head
So he went to the docs
And discovered his cocks
Had a virus which they had spread.

The doctor told him the cure
He must bathe his cocks in manure
Then mend his sore head
With Redroot and bread
Then chop off the lump to be sure

After 3 weeks the lump did return
And gave Bob a terrible burn
So to the docs he did walk
And after a talk
Had his sore bits covered in fern.

The lump it did fade well away
But came back the very next day
So Bob in his ire
Set a large fire
And burned his cocks in the hay.

The Goddess smiled in approval
And blessed Bob with lump removal
The curse had been lifted
The virus had shifted
Now his wife has it.

## The Banshee: A Song in the Dark - by O.Bugger

Darkness crawls across the land. The midnight hour is close at hand. Creatures crawl in search of blood. To terrorise your neighbours wood.

An ancient scholar, Jack Sun of Nevereverland, once wrote a ballad with those thrilling words.

He was obviously warning of the Banshee. The Keening Lady. The Beantsihde. The Cyhyraithe.

She of the voice that freezes the heart of the hearer. She whose shrill song pierces crystal and reduces bone to dust.

Sightings of the Banshee are rare, but they do happen, to those who stepped into Toughwood and slept in what they thought was the relative safety of the ruins of Cronwell Keep.

An excerpt from the diary of adventurer, Ma Shetty describes the Banshee thus...

"As the blood moon sat, like a giant bloodshot eye behind the crooked black tower, the wind suddenly rose in noise and fever.

As I huddled against the broken wall, pulling my cape closer to me against the ethereal maelstrom, I heard a cry come from below the Keep.

I adjusted my eyes against the dark and saw a faint glow passing the crumbling arched windows and heard a song as though sung by the most haunting beauty.

A voice, dreamlike and distant, lamenting the moon and filled with regret and sorrow. A voice that grasped at my soul and burrowed into my mind like a worm.

I did not see the singer, as I had screamed and ran from that place. I ran until my lungs burst and Toughwood was long behind me.

The song never left my head until this day, and as I write I look up at the moon and play with the tip of my knife, wondering if I can burrow into my mind too"

## THE BLACKSMITH OWNER'S HANDBOOK

OPENING YOUR STORE

Interact with the sign outside to open and close your smithy.

The smithy will automatically close if you leave the region and have no worker employed.

THE LEDGER

The Ledger on your counter has tabs with various helpful pages for running your business.

Orders: Here you can check on any incoming orders and when they are due to be collected.

Accounts: Check your profit and loss on a weekly / yearly level, and look at your previous transactions and Rep gain.

Staff: You can hire workers from here. You can change their pay and see their stamina.

To regain stamina, give them breaks or gift them food. A tired worker has their stats affected.

You can also see a worker's happiness level. Pay and stamina can affect this, as well as friendship level.

An unhappy worker is more discourteous to customers, affecting service reputation.

This page also allows you to fire an employee.

Shop: The employees hours may be set here, and who works on which day.

You may also set who works at which department...counter or forge.

You can also rename your shop here.

Stock: You may order any unlocked ores here. They cost slightly more than their base price, but the payoff is that they are more convenient.

Delivery usually takes 2 days.

Status: When a customer is pleased with service and price, you will gain reputation.

This fills in for the current region you are in, and when full, will give you a bonus.

Any further reputation will keep levelling up your current region, but also spill into the next region.

This means that customers will start to appear from that region as they have heard about your shop.

Once that region's Rep has been filled, you again get a reward and the Rep spills into another region.

There are 3 kinds of Rep. Your local reputation, world reputation and personal reputation,
which is affected by how others see you as a person.

STATS

Each NPC has 10 stats, and 4 of these come into play when working in a Smithy...

Speed: Affects the speed of service or how quickly items are crafted

Accuracy: (forge only) the quality of work

Charm: (counter only) Offsets any negative Rep from slow service or overpricing

Stamina: how long they can work before tiredness affects their other stats

The worker stats are affected by age but additionally gain experience to level up the stats used in their current job.

Certain recipes and items may also increase (or decrease!) the worker's stats.

PRICING

Prices in the Smithy are non-negotiable. You will be paid the going rate for each item based on type and quality.

## The Bumper Book of Divorce - by Isla Walker

Fed up of a nagging spouse? Bed life wilting like a sunflower in a drought. Crops failing?

What you need is a nice divorce.

There are two ways to go about this...via the High Priest in Loverwood or via the annual Offering at your local village Woodfellow.

Some may say the latter is a barbaric way to rid yourself of an unwanted partner, but in Quillian society, a sacrifice of such magnitude is no such thing.

Every Quillian knows that if they were ever offered up to our Goddesses, then it would be a tremendous honour and a painless, euphoric transference when the Fae take their shell and they are reborn anew.

Divorce via the High Priest is a method that is available any day, all year round.

There is a Brass cost associated with this method, but it is much handier.

Just pop in to your local Priest and ask about it.

Your spouse will have no qualms about leaving immediately once the divorce is ratified, as everybody in Quill understands this is the way.

You are then free to sow the seed of another marriage, and get those crops growing again.

## THE FAE REALMS - Vol I: TIR NA NOG - by Amos E Wall

Tir Na Nog is the first of the Fae realms, and home to the PureKyn.

They say it is a land of giant mushrooms, twisting trees, oversized flowers and glowing pools of sweet water.

It is a land of laughter, of nectar, of good cheer and colour.

The fair folk that live there flit and twirl and dash amongst the strange flora and make merry pranks as they chitter and fritter and flatter and fly.

They say any man who steps into that realm and bathes in the azure waters has his heart refreshed and his love renewed.

They say it never rains there, which is probably for good as many PureKyn homes are made of Gingerbread.

The sign of Tir Na Nog is 3 circles together. Some say these represent the 3 tenets of PureKyn...Love, Laughter and Shopping.

Wiser scholars think they represent the binding of the realms; Tir Na Nog, the human realm, known as Y'stor and the home of the Goddesses, Opal.

## THE FAE REALMS - Vol II: E'ERGREEN - by Amos E Wall

Among the twisted boughs of E'ergreen you will find the curious beings of the realm.

Mossmen, Dryads, Pucks and Green Children live here, under strange canopies.

They play their music and the sound of their ethereal pipes drifts through the trees, which seem to dance.

Great roots cluster by the trunks of mossy trees of impossible height, and bizarre flowers bloom and seem to be watching.

It can be a place of great tranquility...but the further one moves from the abodes of the denizens, the more discordant the music.

Trees seem to shift, moss changes colur, plants reach out as they distort, and gaps seem to open in the very soil itself.

It would be a great wish to visit this realm, and partake of its beauty.

Care must be taken though, for you may find you become entangled in the songs and deep dark roots.

## THE FAE REALMS - Vol III: BRIAR - by Amos E Wall

Briar. The Realm of the Fel Fae. Cold, lonely, bitter, yet eerily beautiful.

The quiet snowy lanes, lit by arcane blood candles, are edged by silent hedgerows.

Twisted trees hide warrens and foxholes in their unseen depths.

The Fel, Hare and Fox-headed shapeshifters dwell in their lairs, hatching their plans, and creating mischief.

A love of pranks is their thrill, or gambling, or drinking of fine brews.

They rarely socialise, but when they do, they meet at The Crossroads, a ramshlackle inn with a bird-headed barkeep.

Briar is a disturbing land, and the eye can often be tricked in to seeing tortured souls and spectral figures in the snow, but then they are gone.

It is a sad, sad place, but in their warm, well-lit burrows, one can only imagine the goings-on to pass the endless time.

## The Four Shrines - by Arthur Sixpence

Throughout Quill are four shrines.

The end.

Oh! You want more?
Well, each shrine is dedicated to one of the four seasons.

More? What do you think I am? An author?

So we have the Spring Shrine, Summer Shrine, Autumn Shrine and Winter Shrine.
Each shrine only opens in its corresponding season.

Oh you have to be joking?! More writing required? I am not made of quills!

Within the hallowed walls are said to be six pillars, each representing our beloved Goddesses, Druida, Naida, Morvenna, Hyalis, Aurore and Freyl.
It is also said that each pillar hosts challenges laid down by the Goddesses, for some unknown purpose.
The champion of these challenges would be sure to gain great reward, though not many have the skill to try.
And most people are just lazy probably.

Can i go nap now?

## THE GOOD STORE SHOPKEEPERS HANDBOOK

OPENING YOUR STORE

Interact with the sign outside to open and close your store.

The store will automatically close if you leave the region and have no worker employed.

THE LEDGER

The Ledger on your counter has tabs with various helpful pages for running your business.

Accounts: Check your profit and loss on a weekly / yearly level, and look at your previous transactions and Rep gain.

Staff: You can hire workers from here. You can change their pay and see their stamina.

To regain stamina, give them breaks or gift them food. A tired worker has their stats affected.

You can also see a worker's happiness level. Pay and stamina can affect this, as well as friendship level.

An unhappy worker is more discourteous to customers, affecting service reputation.

This page also allows you to fire an employee.

Shop:

The employees hours may be set here, and who works on which day.

You can also rename your shop here.

Reputation:

When a customer is pleased with service and price, you will gain reputation.

This fills in for the current region you are in, and when full, will give you a bonus.

Any further reputation will keep levelling up your current region, but also spill into the next region.

This means that customers will start to appear from that region as they have heard about your shop.

Once that region's Rep has been filled, you again get a reward and the Rep spills into another region.

There are 3 kinds of Rep. Your local reputation, world reputation and personal reputation,
which is affected by how others see you as a person.

STATS

Each NPC has 10 stats, and 4 of these come into play when working in a Goods Store...

Speed: Affects the speed of service

Barter: Their bartering skill level

Charm: Offsets any negative Rep from slow service or overpricing

Stamina: how long they can work before tiredness affects their other stats

The worker stats are affected by age but additionally gain experience to level up the stats used in their current job.

Certain recipes and items may also increase (or decrease!) the worker's stats.

PRICING

Customers have a threshold on what they will pay for items. Too expensive and they may buy it but be unhappy, affecting Rep.

Customers love things way cheaper than the base price though!

It is worth watching their comments for guidance.

As your Rep grows, so does the threshold before they become unhappy.

BARTERING

There is a 50/50 chance that a customer may want to haggle.

To serve a customer, stand behind your counter and interact.

If the barter wheel appears, press the relevant button to stop the pointer in the green zone.

Win, and you can eke out some extra Brass with no effect on Rep.

## The Hoe of Legend - by R.Swiper

It was an Autumn day, long ago.

As the Harvest Moon faded, the Master Blacksmith, Tintin Tin, stepped outside his front door and gazed at the morning skies.

He spied a streak of light that flew into his valley and created a large hole in the ground.

Upon investigation he found a shining gem, which he named the Dew Star. He took it as a gift from the Goddesses and so he forged a hoe called the Ultima.

The hoe would never get dirty and could make anything grow and sprout seeds.

Sadly it was lost and the texts never told any more to this tale, as the references ran dry, and the ancient storytellers were obviously lazy.

## The Long Road Ahead - by Count Pixel the Studious

Thank you ever so much for supporting this world with your own hard-earned Brass.

Here in the Castle, we humbly appreciate this great sacrifice, as it was either us or some other title with jangly bells and whistley whistles.

What lies ahead in the immediate future on this still developing road?

A fresh new chat system of intriguing possibilities? Friendship and permission systems? Romance? Copulation? Localisation?

More monsters? More places to explore? Family secrets? Goods Store ownership? Apothecary? Crafting beers? Skills, Perks, illnesses, arcane items?

Even, cough, aging?

Yes, all of that is coming over the approaching months, starting with the first stop, of 'gameplay loops' and exposing the sandbox features.

With the feedback from the kind spirits taking part in our journey with us, we hope to reach our destination with healthy pigs and minimal spillage.

So thank you all again, and hang on tight to the reins, as this hog is eager to go...

## UP THE PROVERBIAL - By the Old Fishwife

Quill is a place of Superstition and Customs. The fact that these actually work, make Quill a very interesting place to live.

By abiding by the laws of the land, and listening to folk wisdoms, you will be able to find the things you need to progress in life.

Each thing in the world, each bird, each beast, each flower, each fruit, has wisdoms that tell you of their secrets...

You can even discover wise advice on where best to court your lover, and even the places and time's of day where conception is at its highest!

These wisdoms are found scrawled on pages, or passed on by the good folk of the land, although often only in Friendship will their tongues be loosened of such valuable information!

Use the knowledge well or you will be up the paddle without a creek!

You can view collected Proverbs in the inventory. Each item in the world has 3 Proverbs, which should help clue you in on where and when to harvest them.

As the old Proverb says "You can't take a horse to water, because they are extinct."

## The Old Fishwife's Booke of Customes, Proverbes and Wisdoms...

A voyage of discovery, a fountain of knowledge and a trellis of brain tomatoes.

The pages tell you where things grow, when they grow, how things work and what not to tread in.

Recover my lost pages and learn to be at one with the land and spirits.

## The Pigriders Guide to the Galaxy - by Bugless Adam

Are you new to Quill? Have you come from beyond the eternal mists that ring our fair land?

Or are you some uneducated muffin from Deepstone? Maybe you just banged your head and forgot?

You might even be in some kind of ethereal tutorial and need to know things quickly.

Well, here are some reminders of how things work around here.

Firstly, the land is ruled over by 6 Fae Goddesses.

They are...

Druida, Goddess of Orchards
Naida, Goddess of Fertility
Freyl, Goddess of Fields
Hyalis, Goddess of Death and Rebirth
Morwenna, Goddess of Beasts
Aurore, Goddess of Seasons.

Each day the people of the land make offerings at Goddess statues to the Fae deities, and also put food in their
own Offering bowls to appease the clan Brounie.

The land is covered in mystery and invisible creatures walk among us, under the ever watchful gaze of the Goddesses.

It is advised you read everything! There is no substitute to taking note of what people tell you, but a lot of how things work you need to learn for yourselves, old school!

## THE PIG RIDERS OF ROWAN - Dick Ham

There was a young farmhand called Rowan Boats who found a piglet floating in the weeds while he was hiding from his tasks.

He tended to the little pink ball of ham and it grew and grew until it was big enough to ride.

The pig, who Rowan named Lightning, ran faster than any known hog.

Rowan entered many pig races and won easily every time.

However, one day, the pig had piglets, 11 of them.

Rowan gave them to the Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe and went on his way.

Two years passed and as Rowan rode into the hamlet of Nettleprick, he heard rumbling on the horizon.

However twas not a storm but the piglets.

The piglets chased after their mother, whom Rowan tried to ride away to avoid being crushed by the stampede.

To this day the chase continues. You can see the flash of lightning, then hear the thunder of the chasing piglets as they eternally pursue their mother.

## THE RIGHT ANGLE - by Rod Puller

Fishing is a science. Except science does not exist anymore.

So fishing is less like a science, whatever that was, and is more like a feeling.

The feeling is sitting, or standing, in the right conditions, or left conditions, and waiting for the shadows of the fish to come to your hook.

A little rippling action might persuade one to come a-nibbling, but don't ripple when one is near, or you will scare them like Grandpa Breadhands scares children who smell of jam.

Some advanced fishermen know a few tricks that can make you a wizard with a rod. Except wizards do not exist, and I simply made that word up as it sounded magical.

And lastly, do not forget to adhere to the Proverbs. Some fish like rain, some moonlight, some summer, and some even like Lute music.

Hope these tips were helpful. I don't like fishing myself, I just like writing tips books about fishing.

Other books by this Author include...

Carpe Diem - Breaking the goldfish code

The Doctor Who Fishes - (with foreword by Patrick Trouton)

Fat Hookers and other types of lure

Sharks! Just what are they? And what is the sea?

Five Star Fish. Quality or Quantity?

## The Thatterway: A Guide. Literally - by Amos E Wall

As mentioned in my other book, 'What is The Wottyzit? Just what is it?' I mention the Thatterway.

This Faery is incredibly helpful and incredibly sparkly.

They are drawn to certain humans they find attractive, and attach themselves to them.

When that person is lost or seeking something, the Thatterway will fly out of their hosts hair and in the direction they need to be.

An ancient tome, the 'Manual of Play' mentions their usage thus...

"To make use of this feature, the player must set a Task as Active in their Task List, then click in the left stick on their control pad or the F1 key on their keyboard."

I have yet to understand any of that, but it does sometimes make me wonder if we are being controlled by a force higher even than our beloved Goddesses.

## The Ritual of Marriage - by Isla Walker

Marriage in Quillian society is more than just an excuse to have a party and get drunk.

Marriage is a statement of intent. An intent to prove your love for not just your partner, but also a love of nature and our fair Goddesses.

To love another, one must love all around them, and this is proved in the ritual of proposal.

On Solsday (Goddess Day) you must pick a White Rose. Do not do anything with it yet though!

White roses can be found growing only on Solsday in places where the spirits of love bound and play, such as Loverwood.

On Moonsday you must present the White Rose to the love of your life.

On Truthsday you must take your lover to a place of their choosing.

On Woesday, you must pick a sprig of Charmweed, a plant often found in the haven of Summerdown.

On Turnsday, simply gather an egg. There are willing chickens all over the land who would oblige.

Freylsday is the day for sourcing some flour. If you can not grind any, then simply buying some would not lose you favour.

On Satyrsday you must then take the Charmweed, Egg and Flour to a Baking Kiln and bake the Pie of You and I. Make sure you have the recipe for love!

Then finally, take the Pie to the High Priest and give it to him. He will offer it to the Goddesses. If they smile on the offering then you will be given a Binding Band!

Take this Band to your lover and gift it to them.

Now you are ready to be married and enjoy all the benefits that marriage brings!

## The Vale Gardener's Friend - by Alun Marshtyt

All you need to know about growing stuff in The Vale.

Wheat requires no watering.

Carrots, Cabbage, Tomatoes and Wheat have a 3 day growth cycle.

Apples, Gooseberries and Pears have a 2 day cycle.

Only Carrots and Cabbage need watering daily.

This book will be written properly for a future build.

## Things that go bump in your tights - by Quincey Senshal

Since the dawn of Dawn, humanity has sought to reproduce for survival of the species, and for recreation, and let's face it, that's the fun one.

In olden times, a man would chase a woman and drag her by the hair to his cave, where they would make cavelings.

As time went on, the male became more polite and would climb mountains and kill indiginous tribes to prove his love for his lady.

More time passed and the woman now took command, with her new freedoms, and men were left to compete in gladiatorial arenas on a thing called Television.

After the catastrophes that befell mankind, the basic needs for survival resurfaced.

Now, in our modern times, creating a child is all a matter of courting your lover with a gift of a rabbit corndoll.

Then, lead them to a place known to increase virility (and don't forget to eat things to enhance your sensual abilities!).

Play the game of Hide & Seek, to prove your worth, then take them back to the loving spot for copulation.

If the Goddesses like what they see, then a stork will deliver your baby in one week!

Why did humans never use this system from the start? It would have saved a lot of innocent pickles from being devoured by hungry pregnant females!

## TWIG's TORN OUT DIARY NOTE

I am going to meet Mr Fairweather tonight. I bave my Darklight ready in my lantern.

I an very scared but Mr Fairweather told me in my dreams that all will be well and I will be the best fisherman in Quill and the fastest runner.

He is a Fel Fae. I read that they are tricksters and shapeshifters, but I think those are just stories to scare children.

I am more scared about going in that old mine, but I have the key and my lantern and will drink some moonshine before I go.

If anyone finds this and I have not returned to tear out this page, please give my belongings as an Offering to the Goddesses and tell them I am sorry for what I did and not to bring me back as a moth as I hate bright light.

## UP THE PROVERBIAL - By the Old Fishwife

Quill is a place of Superstition and Customs. The fact that these actually work, make Quill a very interesting place to live.

By abiding by the laws of the land, and listening to folk wisdoms, you will be able to find the things you need to progress in life.

Each thing in the world, each bird, each beast, each flower, each fruit, has wisdoms that tell you of their secrets...

You can even discover wise advice on where best to court your lover, and even the places and time's of day where conception is at its highest!

These wisdoms are found scrawled on pages, or passed on by the good folk of the land, although often only in Friendship will their tongues be loosened of such valuable information!

Use the knowledge well or you will be up the paddle without a creek!

You can view collected Proverbs in the inventory. Each item in the world has 3 Proverbs, which should help clue you in on where and when to harvest them.

As the old Proverb says "You can't take a horse to water, because they are extinct."

## WANDERING FOLK - by JILLY TOTT

Quillians live in peaceful ignorance of the Fae influences around them. We KNOW they exist and pay our homage to them, but we are still obscured to the reality.

Take the wandering folk who come to our shops and drink in our taverns. They all look alike, and when they leave, you can't really remember much about them.

It is obvious the Fae are coming into our villages and absorbing our culture.

What's more, everywhere you look, if you look closely enough you can see what might be Fae pathways into our world.

Those weird gnarly bushes that look alike? The henges and symbols? Even trees with faces.

The Fae walk among us at will, and while they do no harm, you can't help but feel suffocated by their presence.

As for the Brounies, their mischief is more obvious to see.

We can hear the giggling, and see the tidy houses or rotten apples, but we take it as part of life.

And if I wake up and put my feet into a warm apple pie again, I swear I will leave mousetraps in their bowls!

## What is the Wottyzit? Just what is it? - by Amos E Wall

Some Fae creatures go against the grain of secrecy and sometimes show themselves in times of need.

The Brounie has been known to sometimes make itself known, as do the Gillywiddle, the Thatterway and the Fnartyfnarnar, which I bet you struggled to say.

However, the most common of these little creatures is the Wottyzit.

When a person is new to an area then they may see these sparkling little entities fluttering around points of interest.

If something is of use, then the Wottyzit will draw attention to it.

The Wottyzit will however, not go away unless the object has been interacted with. It is as though the creature is insisting
that it has your full attention.

Once satisfied, the Wottyzit will fly away, happy.

Well as happy as a floating, blinking, glowing, flappy eye can be.

## Woof Justice: A Guide to Dog Ownership - PART ONE - by Kane Hines

INTRODUCTION. Hello I am Kane Hines. Nice to meet you.

End of introduction.

DOGS. WHAT ARE THEY?

Dogs. What are they?

Well, they are four legged animals.

They are NOT people and NOT some sort of fruit or small vegetable.

Dogs need boundaries, and I mean more than just a fence.

A dog is an extension of your arm. They are your shield. Your sword. Your intruder alarm. Your pie detector.

Use a dog as a living tool, there to carry out your commands, and you will find much satisfaction from owning one.

Dogs have a keen sense of smell, and this is due to the fact that tiny Faeries, called He-mangoblins, live inside the blood tubes in their noses. Dogs have brittle nose bones, and the strong He-mangoblins stop the Skeltor bone from breaking and entering the Grey skull of the dog.

## Woof Justice: A Guide to Dog Ownership - PART TWO - by Kane Hines

DIG DOG

Get a dog to Follow you, and when you are near something hidden under the ground, they will give a distinctive WOOF WOOF, which if we could speak Doggish, would translate to "Here is the spot you must use your shovel master."

This is not to be confused with WOOF, which translates as, "I like everything." Or WOOF WOOF WOOF, which translates as "I am in a heightened sense of excitement right now."

A dog will also produce a BARK, when near objects of interest that are not buried beneath the ground. A dog will only say BARK BARK if excitedly answering questions about what that brown stuff is on trees.

## Woof Justice: A Guide to Dog Ownership - PART THREE - by Kane Hines

KEEPING YOUR DOG FROM DEATH AND MELANCHOLY

Feeding dogs is fairly simple. Dogs love meat. Dogs hate vegetables. Dogs like bones. Dogs hate peanuts. In fact, nobody knows what peanuts are in Quill.

Ancient texts tell of walking and talking dogs who eat very large sandwiches while fighting deadly spirits, but these are just Shaggy tales.

Keep your dog faithful and happy with regular play. Throwing a small spherical object seems to pleasure them greatly. Dogs also enjoy walks and having their heads hit gently in a patting motion.

This is called 'Head Clapping'.

## Woof Justice: A Guide to Dog Ownership - PART FOUR - by Kane Hines

DOG ENEMIES

A dog has many enemies in the natural world, although only the ones found in the Dark Forests will actually eat a dog. Sometimes they will cook the dog and this is called a Hot Dog.

A dog will protect its master from attack, and can warn of dangerous presences with a WHIMPER or a GROWL for less dangerous ones.

If your dog dies, then please remember that it will be absorbed into the cycle of life and likely come back to visit you as a small newt or buttercup. Although you may need to visit the buttercup as they have no legs.

## Woof Justice: A Guide to Dog Ownership - PART FIVE - by Kane Hines

NAMING YOUR DOG

You can give your dog any number of names to call it by upon the birth of a new dog, called a Puppy.

My own research uncovered many names such as Rex, Rover, Oi, Mutt, Drownit, Bugger Off and Charlesworth Forningtrude the 3rd.

To name your dog, simply interact with an unnamed dog and select NAME.

Remember, this name is for life, so do not make a typographical error like I once did and call the dog Shartscent.

SUMMARY

Yes it is very Summary outside now, but soon it will be Autumn.

Please enjoy other books in this series...

Cat O Nine Tales - 9 stories about cats and the letter O

We Got Beef - A History of Cow Feuds

Sitting On Your Nuts - A Guide to Protecting yourself from Squirrels

Raven Loonies - How to deal with crazy birds