Sinbad Legend Of The Seven Seas Pirated Version

Hey sailor! You don't know me but my name's Captain James Goosington. I am a captain on a salt importing boat called The Grant. I named the boat after Hugh Grant who I once met at a pizzeria. He confided in me that he had a pet goose that he to lock in a cupboard at his flat, out of fear of the public accusing him of being a goose lover. I can understand that, and when I told Grant about my occupation as a captain, he made a personal request that whenever I get a new ship I name it after myself. I do not claim to be a vain one, so I instead named it after Grant. Oh yes, I actually did have another ship a better one I might add long ago it had no name, but it was beautiful a massive cruise ship which stretched all the way from Boss Town to Vice City. I worked as the captain of a cruise ship which promised fun to all who boarded it, and if people were not having any fun I would respond by pulling a dastardly trick on them which involved tying balloons to their lounge chairs while they napped which end up sending them flying towards the sunset. Oh look there they go flying through the sky! Ah; sadly my reign as cruise ship captain came crushing down when I allowed these two pricks called the Breadwinners to set aboard my mighty boat. I had found the two stranded on an island, and offered them a free trip back home and I even gave them first class tickets as friends of the management. The two were very evil, and they made my life a living shit storm as they destroyed everything. They killed an elderly couple playing tetherball, and one of the Breadwinners punched the other one into the exhaust pipe and the one being punched pulled a very cheesy face as he fell inside of it which caused a massive fire, and by the time we reached their home turf the entire boat was in shambles. I was extremely angry with the pair for what they had done, but I was prevented from getting my anger unleashed on them by the mighty Bread Maker. The Bread Maker was the baker of yeast, and the yielder of dough. The Bread Maker however being a very rich dough maker paid me some money, and sent me on my merry way, or rather metaphorical merry way. Since I didn't have any boat insurance, I was forced to get a job shovelling manure in a backlot on the roughest part of Boss Town; the Lower Yeast Side! Do you see what I did there? Neither do I! Anyways, the Bread Maker popped around to see me one day while I was shovelling dog shit into a dust bin and he held his mighty nose in disgust as he cried, "that's some rank stank my little duckling!" "Yeah and whose fault is that exactly?" I asked in an annoyed tone of voice as the Bread Maker simply smiled before saying, "don't be just a wet blanket Mr Goose." He then proceeded to wrap his big meaty arm around me as he said, "don't look now, but I know a ship up at the dockyards which has your name on it, and it will be sure to resolve thigh breadicement."

The Bread Maker was not lying, as at the dockyards I found my new boat The Grant in all it's majesty, and I decided that I was going to become the new captain by any means necessary and no matter who stood in my way. I was given the keys to the boat, but the only problem is that I was actually not the true owner of the boat. You see; the boat really belonged to the new head of the Bosstonian Government; Lord Nooth, and I had actually convinced the wily Nooth to put me in charge as captain so that I could import salt for him. Nooth runned a salt business and he was having trouble getting the little shakers imported, and he required middle men like me since most people were afraid to deal with him. Lord Nooth was unsure at first if I would be the right man for the job, but I eased his worries by handing him a diamond inside of jelly. Nooth picked the jelly, and smiled an incredibly smug slasher smile as he proclaimed, "excellent!" What are you Mr Burns now Nooth? I however made a real mess on my first day on The Grant, the crew I hired weren't very good at their jobs, and upon arriving at the salt caves where Lord Nooth got his precious salt from I made a rookie error. I handed the crates containing the salt over to my crew who kept throwing it in the sea as they claimed that the sea could use a little more salt. This angered me greatly and so against Nooth's wishes I fired my crew, refused to get a new one, named the boat after Hugh Grant despite Nooth threatening me not to, and lastly I began moonlighting behind his back by selling Jammie Dodgers on the side, and I made a killing from selling the little biccies across the sea, and I hoped that the money made from the sale of the Jammie Dodgers would be enough to afford me a new boat which would not be under the eye of the wily Lord Nooth. As you might of expected; without my crew my ship became vulnerable to attack, and so it happened on a cold and rainy evening you know the ones my ship was ransacked by a gang of pirates led by Captain Ahab. A massive anchor made itself home on my ship as Ahab came swinging down as he sang, "time for you to have a time in the time." "What did you say?" I asked baffled as Ahab then pointed at me as he proclaimed, "sorry my boy, but you are my bait!" "Bait for what?" I asked. "Why for the monster Moby Dick of course!" Ahab proclaimed happily. According to Ahab, he had attempted ransacking 10 ships before me including one owned by a dodo who i can't say I ever heard of, have you? Don't answer that, but in any case, Ahab basically went off on one about how all those ships had a lot of security detail while my ship you guessed it had absolutely none which meant that I would be very easy pickings for Ahab and his crew to hand over as a sacrificial limb so to speak to the monster of a whale known as Moby Dick.

Not wanting to become whale chow, I sank to my knees as I pleaded with the mad Ahab to give me a chance to earn my salt and secure my safety from handed over to the monster of the sea. Ahab rubbed his chin a bit too long I gotta be honest as he then said, "very well lad; I shall give you a chance to earn your freedom. I have a job for you. I need you to steal something for me. You do it successfully you'll go free like a flea, but if you fail you'll be in that whale's stomach come this time tomorrow." I probably should have gone with getting eaten by Moby Dick as Ahab wanted me to steal a packet of coconut M&M's from Lord Nooth, and then Ahab explained that the coconut M&M's were so nutty that they would cause you get into the future, and Ahab wanted to see what the future held for him and whether he would be able to finally catch that bastard of a whale known only as Moby Dick. I got ready to punch Ahab in the face, but backed down when I realised that he one heck of a nose for an Ahab I must say. That evening, we headed to Nooth's castle in the very heart of Boss Town, and I headed on inside using the back entrance but I ended up waking into the wrong room where ole Noothy was taking a bubble bath. His bather was off sick with ass flu, so thinking quickly I pretended to be him and gave Nooth a smelly wash which was very gross as there were big boils on his back that I had to pop as all of the sudden Lord Nooth's security detail came into the room. It was a huge fucking duck that was like 6 foot tall and it had a sinister glare, the teeth were as sharp as knives, and the beak had grill marks on it implying that someone attempted to make it into a roast duck at one point in the past. The duck began making noises like ducks do, and Lord Nooth turned around to confront me as he yelled, "what are on Earth are you doing in my home you little schnitzel!?" Nooth then pulled cauliflowers out from his ears as he remarked, "I thought that after that business with MD; this would all be over with, but I guess not." Lord Nooth then got out from the tub, and dressed in his usual get up as he then pointed at me as he yelled, "you dare break into my humble home? You will die!" "But I am innocent!" I protested as I then proceeded to explain what had transpired with Ahab over to Lord Nooth who was not having any of it, and he rubbed his chin deep in thought as he looked at me like he wanted to eat me for his dinner. Can you blame him honestly? Well no you can't, but regardless I then offered Nooth to give me a chance to earn my salt. I promised to provide evidence that Ahab set me up, as according to Nooth he had no coconut M&M's as he was allergic to coconut, and also according to The Coconut Laws of 2005 signed by one Coconut Fred no coconuts would be able to give you the ability to get into the future. That's just wishful thinking. Ahab had wanted me to get killed by Nooth so that he could seize control of my boat. That Ahab i tell you! I thought he just came up and to smile at his crew while they worked, turns out I was wrong!

With permission from Lord Nooth, I was given a rubber dingy which I could use to sail across the sea in an attempt to take Ahab down. If I was unable to provide sufficient evidence implicating Ahab in the crime, I would be dealt in a horrible way and Nooth was currently planning my punishment with Mayor James Bossington The III. I was rowing for awhile in my little rubber dingy built for two, when all of the sudden a mighty ship crashed into me causing the dingy to split in two big chunks like a nice red velvet cake. The boat then dropped an anchor down on my head, but it had no effect as I wore a very good hat which was basically a hat and helmet combo I like to a hatmet, and I climbed up the anchor to find that the ship was being captained by the worst pirate of all Colonel Dodo. Colonel Dodo was lighting a pipe, and singing about how to keep yourself warm while at sea with nothing but a tea cosy and a packet of rinegums. Upon noticing me, Dodo blew into his tissue as he proclaimed, "oh by Joe you finally made it! I was beginning to wonder when you were going to show up me lad. Been a long time hasn't it son?" "Sure long time what do you want Dodo?" I asked in a peeved tone, as Colonel Dodo laughed a mighty sailor's chuckle before wrapping his big beefy arm around me as he sang, "I been searching town and town and it's you that I seek!" I coughed out an eyeball as I said, "go on." Colonel Dodo then brought me below deck where he was getting ready to prepare a film for me to watch. "What am I doing here huh?" I asked awkwardly like some kind of Michael De Santa as Colonel Dodo proceeded to explain that he had stolen this bootleg film right from under the nose of the wily Captain Ahab, and that Ahab intended to use this bootleg movie to turn Moby Dick into the moby blues i.e he would turn from being as white as snow to as blue as the clue. Once blue and without a due, Moby Dick would lose all of his strength making it incredibly easy for Ahab to take him down. Take him down to Chinatown! "Where did you get all of this?" I asked as Dodo responded rather quickly too quickly if I may add with, "I talked to a few people I trust." Colonel Dodo then reached inside his mighty pipe, and pulled out a small blank DVD disc and he threw right at my chest which nearly made me sick. Very sick. Dodo didn't seem to mind as he then proceeded to explain that the bootleg was of the delightful and extremely underrated and underappreciated DreamWorks animated film Sinbad Legend Of The Seven Seas.

Sinbad is actually one of my favourite DreamWorks films, and I used to have photos of Sinbad all around my bedroom which stank of prawns. One time, my grandpa came into the room and cried, "what is that smell boyio!?" I actually like a lot of the forgotten DreamWorks movies like Bee Movie, Road To El Dorado, Spirit, and Shrek The Third. Don't lick the paint will ya? Sorry about that, but I was very excited to see this bootleg as Dodo slammed the disc into the DVD player which had a picture on it of Sinbad on the phone to someone, and he was smiling an incredibly stupid smile which seems very out of character for my beloved Sinbad if I may say so myself. In any case, the film started as I made myself comfortable on a bean bag chair that Dodo produced magically as he made himself a bacon buttie. After making the sandwich, Dodo proceeded to just stand there in the corner of the room and he looked very awkward. I didn't say anything as I still can't stand that dodo for what he did to my great grandparents whom I had never met but I heard they were in the union, the film then began with two commercials. The first featured a man using head and shoulders shampoo, and then getting harrassed by everyone he saw who kept proclaiming, "I didn't know you had dandruff!" "I don't." The man said as he then began sobbing on a stairwell until a big fat man in a sweaty shirt came up to him and asked why he was crying and if he wanted a piece of Taco Ball; the man then got up and left without another word. How pathetic. In another commercial there was a wizard named Jarvis who got an incredibly brutal punishment he got his mouth hooked to the back of a speedboat which dragged him all across a moat as he cried, "if only I'd spelt boat!" But you are in a boat Jarvis you silly old goose! The film then started with a brief menu and had showed Sinbad staring at the screen with an incredibly dumb face; the kind of face that you pull after smelling a smell that reminds you of a smell from long ago back when the world made sense. In any case, I ordered Colonel Dodo to click play, and he did so but before warning me that my attitude would no doubt get me into trouble some day. "Oh shut up Dodo, you have no idea what you're talking about." I said as I rolled my eyes rather aggressively.

Okay, so the film then began with a completely brand new scene much to my shock. Sinbad and first mate Kale were loading some crates onto the ship which they had stolen from the foot of a local governor, when they noticed a man was floating overboard. "Lower the anchor!" Sinbad commanded, and Kale did as he was told, and the anchor was lowered and the man was brought aboard the ship and he looked dead which is when Sinbad put his hand on the man's majestic beard which caused him to wake up, and start ranting about his time working on the rig which was when Sinbad noticed a small brown piece of paper stuck to the beard, he ripped the paper right from the beard as he looked it over before smiling an incredibly smug grin as he said, "oh my now that's fruity." Eris was then shown sitting in her office drinking from a cup of tea as she then realised that she was bored, and decided that it was time to cause some much needed chaos. Summoning a large crystal ball, Eris looked inside of said ball which showcased Sinbad and his crew sailing towards the open sea which caused her to remark, "an eye for an eye Sinbad!"