Not My Cup of Tea/Transcript

The five head for the bridge. Andy, rather hesitantly, and still grumbling from everyone’s decision to go against common sense.

Andy: If only common sense was more common… (under his breath)

Varvana: It *is called* common sense after all.

Amaya: Ok, now what?

Everyone seems stumped on that question.

April: I don't see Crow. (Turns in a slow circle) Oh, wait. I see a pigeon. Pirate Rat Beardy or whatever his name was; He said Crow had lots of pigeon friends. (getting closer to the pigeon) Hey, Pigeon, we're trying to find a crow named Crow. Do you know him? Could you bring him to us?

The pigeon squawks once.

Varvana: great, we’re talking to random animals now?

Atlas: Hello, do you happen to speak English?

The pigeon squawks once more, then flies off.

Varvana starts pacing.

Varvana: How do animals work here? There's a 4½ foot tall rat with a beard. There's a regular Crow that speaks English. What's up with that pigeon? (pointing off in the direction the pigeon flew into) why doesn’t the pigeon talk to us?

April: again, notably weird quote.

Atlas(wistfully): if only I had my nose, I could have spoken to him in his native tongue.

Amaya: Ummm, you do have your nose, and you still can't.

April: even more notably weird quotes, what’s happening to us?

Varvana stops pacing, and faces the group.

Varvana: Not the point. We still need to find Crow. But if we waste time, we won’t be able to win the stupid challenge

Andy: Alright, I guess our only option is… to… survive.

\*awkward silence\*

Varvana: Welp, we’re doing this, and I’ll be stuck with *you* in the meantime. Perfect.

Amaya: Yay, sarcasm, just what everyone needs.

Atlas: Are you being sarcastic about being sarcastic?

Amaya: Maybe not, maybe yes.

April: ok is weird quotes becoming a contest here too?

Andy: Ok, we are at the bridge. Next clue please.

A troll pops out from under the bridge. Moss, grass, and dirt float around the troll in an orbital fashion. It’s hair looks like the top of a tree, and the head appears to have been carved out of a log. Thick green vines snake from its torso around its arms and legs.

The Troll: If you wish to pass the bridge you see, to me you must answer these riddles 3!

Andy: Great… a troll, a freakin’ troll, alright, what’s the first riddle?

The Troll: Very well, you are in a locked room. There is only a cat with you. How do you get out?

Varvana: Oh- wow, this is weird. If only we had a super weird person to decode this.

Amaya: You make the cat dig its way out?

The Troll: Wrong! You try and see all the things that you saw and use the saw to cut the room in half! (laughter)

Andy: What, that didn’t make any sense!

The Troll: Next one!!! What has 13 hearts and no organs?

Atlas: Uh- an alien jellyfish?

The Troll: Wrong!! A deck of cards!! \*giggles\*

The Troll: Last one! What has 88 keys that can never open a door?!

Varvana: a piano?

The Troll: A piano! Well you didn’t solve it so ya can’t pass!!! Nice to see y'all!

April: what? She literally said piano right now.

Varvana: Hey, I have a riddle. Have you ever heard of the lady who- **NOW GUYS!**

Varvana leads everyone and they run past the troll, trying to pass the bridge

Andy: That was insane! In a bad way!

April: aww, poor Andrew can’t break the rules.

Andy: Shut up.

Amaya: Wow, Varvs, you have skills!!

Varvana: yup that deception 101.

The troll: You’ll regret this. \*Ominous and dark tone, campfire vibes\*

They run further on the bridge. Then the bridge starts shaking.

April: What’s happening?

Varvana: It’s the bridge...it’s trying to make us fall!

Amaya: Maaaaaybe we should go back and answer those stupid riddles

The troll (shouting): Told you you’d regret it! You idiot children never listen! The reason for our existence is to protect the ones that try to pass the bridges, but there’s always a group that wants to pass without paying...

Everyone runs towards the troll

There’s a terrible shake, and Andy and April fall down to their doom.

The rest of the group reaches the troll, only to realize they are short an April and an Andy.

Varvana takes her knife out and points it at the troll’s neck.

Varvana: You killed Andy and April! Not that I care, but that’s my job!

Amaya sheds a tear, Atlas looks down and doesn’t move.

The troll: No, they killed themselves.

**I** don’t control the bridge.

**I** tried to protect you from it.

But **you** just ran to the danger. What were you expecting?! Now you better pray they are still alive. So in the meantime, whoooooose ready to play 520 questions?!

Amaya: F-Five hundred twenty?!?!?!

The troll: Yeah, it'll be a while till your friends wake up, if they ever do wake up- \*Scoffs\*

Varvana: Heh, they probably won’t.

Amaya (shouting): What’s your problem, Varvana? Do you want everyone to die? Does this seem like a joke to you?

Varvana: My problem is that I see the truth instead of living in a dumb little happy fantasy world. They fell. They’re probably dead. We can’t do anything about it.

Amaya looks hurt and it seems like she is processing something.

Atlas: Ok guys, let’s stop fighting. The last thing we need is someone else’s eyes being taken out. We need each other more than we hate each other. (Frowns a little) I think. But we should leave before the rest of the people realize what the first clue means and catch up to us.

Amaya (purses lips): Alright troll, what’s your game? What do you want?

Troll: I want you to answer my questions. Is that too hard for you?

Varvana: Hmm, ok then, what dirty mind game do you want to play this time?

Troll: If numbers are gods and trees are goats, who is the champion overlord?

Varvana: Oh great, just great! This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life!

Amaya: Well, you never know.

The scene cuts to Andy and April, falling down

Andy falls on a bush, April falls on Andy then hits her head on the ground

April: Ugh, Are we dead yet?

Andy(angrily): I wish! We fell off the cliff, we’re damn lucky we survived. We have to find a way up there and win…

April: Please stop (hugs her knees) we need to catch a break. I’m traumatized. We just fell off a cliff and we’re in the middle of nowhere. Crow is up there doing god-knows-what, we’ve been doing dumb things and challenges to get out, but I don’t know if we can.

Andy(sighs): I don’t know if we’re gonna survive, either. But we should at least try, we can’t stay here and die. (Sits next to April) But you’re right, we should catch a break. (takes out a puzzle piece from his pocket) Here, I fixed your thing.(Smiles a little bit)

April looks up and sees the broken puzzle piece with a bulldog’s face on it.

Andy: it took lots of glue, but I did it.

April takes the puzzle piece and smiles

April: Thanks, Andy, this means a lot to…

Unknown cute voice: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Switching back to the others

Atlas: Ok, so in a world where numbers are gods and trees are goats, what will be the champion overlord?

Varvana (angry): Thanks for repeating the question for the 9th time, dummy

Atlas: Repeating the question helps you focus, **you** wouldn’t understand.

Varvana: What’s that supposed to mean? You want your other eye out?

Atlas: Maybe I should take one of yours, you no good…

Amaya: Sorry for the interruption guys, but I know the answer. Hey, troll. Is it “one”?

Troll: Good job, kid. The bridge liked your answer. You can pass

They pass the bridge

Atlas: How did you know the answer?

Amaya: Don’t ask. Varvs, do you think there’s any chance April survived? I didn’t really get to know her and I’m still trying to accept it but something seems wrong with this bridge.

Varvana: I have no idea, but I’m sorry I…

Unknown cute voice (from down the cliff): aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Atlas: Did you hear that? Was it the guys?

Amaya: I don’t know, but it was from down there. It didn’t sound like April, though.

Unknown voice: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Amaya: They are calling for help? But it isn't April…

Atlas: They might not be April, but we still got to help, right?

Varvana: We can’t go down there, that’s definitely a trap. It’s probably a demonic being who wants to eat our souls or something.

Amaya (holds Varvana by the shoulders and shakes her a bit): Please, Varvs. Do it for me.

Varvana: Why would I do anything for you? I don’t like you. I’m not gonna risk my life for you just because you can’t accept that the two people you just met are gone (Amaya starts crying) you’re not even worth my time and I can’t….

April’s faded voice: Oh my god what is this?

Atlas: That’s April! How do we get down?

Amaya (passes Varvana without saying anything): We’ll find a way.

She faces Varvana: Are you coming, or are they not worth your time either?

Varvana looks sad for a moment and leaves the bridge, walking away and not looking back.

Amaya (huffs): Fine then, I guess I’m left on my own as usual. Oh, and Atlas.

Atlas: Thanks for including me.

Amaya: Any time, bro.

Atlas: Now how do we get down?

Crow (out of nowhere): Easily, it’s a piece of cake!

Amaya jumps as she sees Crow with a pigeon sitting on a rock

Amaya: W-who are you?

Atlas (whispers): I think it’s the big brain bird we’ve been hearing about.

Crow: I am no such thing, I am Crow, the bird. I’ve got no big brains, now what happened here? I heard some crying and screaming here. Pigeon #281 here told me there was something with April and Andy’s...*situation*.

Amaya: Wait, the pigeon can talk? we spent ten minutes trying to talk to him.

Crow: Her, and I said she told me, I didn’t say she could in *your* language. So, let’s see what the situation is.

Atlas: Um, well...we tried to get on the bridge without answering the troll’s question, and they...fell.

Crow (chipper): Oooh, that was a **big** mistake. You know, trolls aren’t very useful, but they always try to warn you about the bridge. They can communicate with it and ask the questions the bridge has in mind. That way, you could cross the enchanted bridges without any harm.

Amaya: But we heard April’s voice, so how do we get down?

Crow: You don’t. Also, where’s the other girl? I *did* see three people here, right? Or am I just going insane again?

Amaya immediately freezes.

Atlas: She left. She thought she was better than us, so she left us and went her own way.

Crow: Oh, dear. This is not good. Pigeon #281, (insert pigeon voice)

The pigeon nods, then flies away.

Crow: Oh, oh, this is bad… I’ll go find the kid. Stay here, we’ll get your people back together.

Atlas: We’re not gonna do that.

Amaya: Yeah, I wanna be useful. Can’t you do some voodoo demonic thing to get us down there?

Crow: Voodoo demonic thing? You should be more cautious, and asking me to do a Voodoo demonic thing isn't cautious

Crow flies away.

Screen cuts to Varvana.

Varvana (sneers): I don’t need them, I was able to take care of myself and cut out Atlas’s eyes before I met them! Huh, speaking of which, he might want the other one back… Well, mine now!

Varvana continues to stumble down the dimly lit path deeper into the forest.

Varvana: I mean, really! If I make...friends… I’ll just disappoint myself. They are **SO** attached to one another and they just met! (smirks) they won't make it far.

Varvana stops and looks sad for a moment.

Varvana: And I’m talking to myself, great...

She rummaged through her dark purple backpack and pulled out a slip of paper she had previously stored. She reads it, oblivious to the fluttering of wings behind her. A soft coo is heard, then more fluttering wings.

Varvana snaps out of her trance: Who's there!? I took the eyes of one contestant already, and I'm not afraid to do it again! (Angrily but a little shaken)

Varvana: Hello?

She shrugs and returns her full attention to the paper before spacing out, deep in thought.

???: You know, you really should be nicer to strange sounds in the bushes. You never know if they are there to help you, Or suck your soul out of you. Lucky for you, I’m not doing the latter,   yet.

Varvana snaps out of her short trance and slowly turns, half expecting to see some kind of demon. Instead she saw… a bird?

Varvana (crosses arms and leans back on a tree): And who are you?

The flutters into the tree, just above Varvana’s head and stares down

Crow: Crow.

Varvana: No duh, I can tell that much.

Crow (Sighs): I can see this will be a hard concept for you to grasp. My. Name. Is. Crow.

Varvana (glares): You could have just said that. I’m Varvana. And I know who you are.

Crow: tsk tsk. So trusting. How do you know I’m not here to kill you? (Cocks his head to the side)

Varvana: Last I checked, I’m the one with the knife. So I’d suggest you beat it before I beat you. Also, you’re not here for my soul.

Crow: That's cute. But you recently made some of my...friends… very upset. I think it would be best you came with me and...apologized.

Crow fluttered to the ground in front of Varvana.

Crow: So, whatta you say?

Varvana: Nah, I’m good.

Varvana turned and started to walk away from the oversized bird.

Crow (snickers and lands on Varvana’s shoulder, making her jump.): Ah, you see, I wasn't asking.

Varvana: Wha-

Varvana is falling, but stops and floats in the mid-air

The background changes.

They’re back on the bridge.

Crow: HA! Would ya look at that! She came back like a boomerang!

Amaya and Atlas stare at Varvana, who is just as shocked and floating on the air

She falls down

Atlas (mutters under breath): And they say I am the untrustworthy one? I think I deserve one of **your** eyes…

Varvana: Can it, mountain range.

Amaya awkwardly shuffles her feet: So… are we going to find April and Andy now?

Crow: Yup!

Amaya: Are you coming with us?!

Crow: Don’t be cute, dear Amaya. I’ll be your ride.

Amaya: Ooo...are you going to tell us how to make it out of this alive!?

Crow (tilts head): Now, where's the fun in that?

Amaya shrugs: Worth a shot. (Mumbles)

Varvana stands and dusts herself off. She marches angrily up to Crow: What’s your plan, sky rat?

Crow’s voice and features darken: Never...call me sky rat. You hear? Or I might get mad.

The newly reunited group takes a step back from the bird.

Crow (Normal): Follow that one rule, along with don’t try to run away, and we'll get along just fine!

Amaya (pointing at Varvs while walking towards her): And you, hey, you ran away, you betrayed us. How could you ever do that? I thought we were getting along pretty well!

Crow(flying and sitting in the space between them) : Don’t be blue, dear Amaya. You see, sometimes one has to betray their loved ones, there's just no way around it.

Varvana: I’m not apologizing for what I did

Crow: Well. Let's get moving then…

Varvana: For once, I agree with the free-will snatcher.

Andy and April Look around the gorge curiously, looking for that darn unknown cute voice.

April: Did-Did you hear that?

Andy: Yes...I have no clue what it could be though, maybe some weird bird thing?

April: No, I think-I think the only weird bird thing here is Crow…

Andy: Did you just make a joke?

April: Um, maybe?

Andy: alright then

April smiles.

Andy: Come on, let's go find out what’s trying to kill us now.

April: Oh my god what is this?

Andy and April stumble upon a cute creature who resembles a cat, trapped in vines.

Erity: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

April: A weird cat?

Andy: I don’t think so…wait, April don’t touch it!

April: You know I won’t listen to you, right? Also, look at him. How can you leave this little guy? Varvana gave me a knife, I can at least get him out.

April starts searching her bag and finds a yellow swiss army knife.

Andy: Aren’t you too young to have a knife?

April: Shut up, PG-rated Andy, I’m working here.

She starts cutting the vines and trying to get the creature out. She holds him in her hand.

April: Oh my god he’s so cute. I wanna keep him.

Andy: No, April, you don’t keep him, who knows what he’s up to? I still don’t trust this place.

April: Too late, already picked a name and emotionally attached, I’m calling him Erity.

She pets the little creature.

Andy: you’ll get us all killed someday, you know that?

April (distracted and cuddling Erity): yeah yeah fine I don’t really care

Amaya : Woah, wooooah, I’m falling down.

Crow: Don’t worry, you’re fine. Even that dumb Andy didn’t nag as much as you do.

Andy: I don’t know if I should be happy to see you or not.

Atlas: you know I don’t talk a lot, but even I’m freaking out.

April: GUYS!!!!!!!!!

Amaya & Atlas: GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Varvana scoffs silently

Varvana: Ugh, reunion over. What’s up kid?

April: stop calling me kid

Amaya and Varvana and Atlas fall on the ground, while Crow elegantly flies and lands on the ground.

April: hey, Crow. How did you find us?

Crow: Pigeon number 281 told me where you were.

Varvana: Wait so that dumb bird could talk?

Crow: Just because you don’t know pigeonese doesn’t mean she can’t talk.

Amaya: Not the point. So, Crow, can we get up again?

Atlas: He’s not an elevator, you know?

Amaya just kinda awkwardly purses her lips

Andy: Well then what should we do?

Crow: Sometimes when you can’t do something the easy way, you have to do it the idiotic way, which is heading to the next clue from down here instead of up there. You couldn’t answer the riddle and that costs you a lot. People are understanding the first clue and heading to do things the easy way. So we have to be smarter.

They start walking (montage time?)

They finally reach a part of the forest with actual sunlight.

Crow: Well, I think we’re past the bridge and off to the second clue.

April is still holding Erity, Andy’s walking beside her, Atlas seems irritated, Varvana is looking for her knife in her pockets.

Varvana: Hey, guys, check out your pockets. The paper is blank now, there’s no clue here anymore.

Everybody jumps and starts searching.

Varvana: Wait, mine has a little something up here, but it’s not complete.

Amaya: Hmm, mine too. But down here.

Andy: What? Gimme.

Andy takes all the papers and aligns them. A poem appears. April reads it aloud.

April:

***“For the war in the broken realm***

***For the missing heart of the heartless burnt***

***For the sky and the demon dogs***

***Shall not perish for their mistakes***

***And once the green leaves are gone***

***Once the brightest sun has set***

***We shall remain in silence, hence***

***We see the face of the heartless burnt***

***And once we see her we shall confess***

***To our darkest shame***

***And our beautiful mistake”***

Amaya: But, what does that mean???

Random voice from behind them: It means you called me.

Everyone jump and face a woman looking worried

Andy (whispers to Amaya): great, a troll who tried to kill us, and now a pretty lady who’s trying to kill us. I wonder if she succeeds.

Dinara: I am Dinara. Now, you look famished! Would you like some tea?

Amaya: Nah- I’m a coffee girl myself. Actually… Well, maybe a little cup couldn't hurt…

Varvana: Hey, don’t talk to strangers, dummy. Especially not here.

Amaya (sarcastically/bitterly): It’s at least better than talking to you, you back-stabbing betrayer.

(awkward silence and tension)

Andy: Sorry, we don’t need the drink. We’re trying to pass some kind of exam here, so it’d be best without any distractions.

Dinara: the exam you say? Well I’ve got just the thing for you, kid.

April(screams): what’s up with people calling me kid?

Varvana: it might have something to do with your ridiculous hair color.

April: my hair color is great

Amaya: whatever you say, pinky.

Atlas (whispers to Amaya): I think Varvana is a bad influence for you.

Dinara goes inside a nearby cave and claps, then the cave brightens and the kids hesitantly follow her inside.

Amaya: Wow, this place is amazing, Dinara. There’s a whole table and chairs and stuff.

Dinara: Yes, my dear. Many people and creatures have homes in the caves, you should’ve seen my last roommate. She was silent and odd and always wrote in books and journals, she was no fun. Now I’ll get you some tea.

Amaya: ok cool.

*They sit around the table.*

*Time passes*

*We see Dinara standing close to Varvana, really close.*

Varvana: Watch it, lady!

Dinara: Oh sorry, I was just checking if you had some sugar cubes. (Whistling sound) Well, I think the tea is ready.

Dinara leaves

Andy: We do have Crow, but it’s still weird to accept a stranger's invite.

Crow: Hey, I’m not your bodyguard, Andy. Learn to respect me as a bird.

Atlas: Well, a cup of tea does sound good after hiking for hours.

Varvana is quiet. April has her head on the table, trying to sleep.

Dinara comes back with a tray laden with many cups of tea.

April (whispering to Andy): Do you think Erity can drink tea?

Andy: As far as I know, he might like drinking children’s blood.

April: don’t talk like that about him, he’s our friend now.

Andy: no he’s a weird, possibly dangerous creature you decided to take care of.

They all start drinking tea. Crow shares a cup with Varvana

Atlas: Aren’t you gonna drink some?

Dinara: No, no, I’m not a tea person. I’m the lady of the leaves. Like the tea leaves..

Andy: Wait, you’re the lady of the leaves?

Dinara: Indeed, is it odd?

Atlas: No, it’s just, everything in this contest seems deadly and dangerous, and **this** is weird.

Crow is suddenly concerned

Crow: Um, Miss Dinara, thank you for the tea, but we should get going.

The group begins to object all at once.

Crow: No no no, we *(through his teeth, beak?)* **REALLY SHOULD BE GOING**.

Amaya: Aw, come on Crow, we need to be well-mannered guests.

Varvana (Perhaps a little too happily?): These sugar cubes can pass off as a knife sharpener! I wuuuuuv sugarcubes!!!

April: The tea is soooo good!

Andy gulps down the last of his tea

Varvana: Come on, man. I didn't even get to finish my-

**Varvana is down**

Andy: What is wrong with you? Let’s just enjoy this while we can-

**Amaya is already down**

**Andy and Atlas fall asleep**

Crow’s vision becomes weird and he starts feeling dizzy, while the last thing he sees is Dinara’s smile

Erity: aaaaaa

Dinara: well, I should get rid of you too, fluffy creature.

**Erity's face turns into a creepy demonic face and a scary smile and black eyes. Erity starts saying random creepy things with a monster voice. Dinara has pure fear on her face. Erity keeps saying weird stuff and sets Dinara on fire.**

**She burns down gruesomely.**

**Erity keeps going. Then he and the gang start floating in the air, while the others are asleep. Then they leave the cave.**

**The scene changes to the gang lying in the forest, Erity is sleeping on Andy’s head.**

**Atlas inhales deeply and wakes up.**

Atlas: No, no, no, (shouting) Guys wake up!

Crow opens his eyes without moving his body and stays silent for a few moments

Atlas: What’s wrong with you?

Crow: Hold on, human. I’m in the middle of a hangover

Crow tries to stand up, then pecks April to wake her up. Atlas starts waking others up

April: Uhh, what happened here?

Atlas: We were drugged. The lady of the leaves tried to kill us. Just when I thought things were ok, guess we’ll never catch a break.

Varvana: I know we were drugged. But why us? There were other kids or groups she could murder.

Crow: No. Those dummies are everywhere, they’re like the weird version of fairies, but scarier and dumber. They’re stealthy and hard to find, but they’re everywhere. They were the creatures who were too vulnerable to stay in hell so they ran away. Do you remember the poem? The heartless burnt?

Amaya: How did the school get them to collaborate?

Crow (Nonchalantly): Give ‘em free human flesh and they’ll do anything.

Atlas: Oh that makes sense

Varvana: no it doesn’t. That dumb head said we shouldn’t hurt each other, but his creatures can?

Crow: Never mind, also, April what are you holding?

April: My new pet, Erity. We found him trapped in the vines

Crow: Well, you must be thankful to that forest demon. If it wasn’t for him, we’d be dead

Andy: Great, now we have two demons with us and we're behind on the way of getting home. April, get rid of him.

Crow: who’s the second demon?

Everybody stares at Crow.

April: Noooooooo, I’m not getting rid of him. Deal with it. What's the next clue?

Atlas: The judge and the mind?

Varvana: And what is that supposed to mean exactly?

Andy: I dunno, guess we’ll have to find out.

Amaya: Anyone else hear… cheering?

Atlas: oh god

They start running towards the sound and find the place the cheering was coming from.

There is a track and people on the outdoor bleachers cheering as loud as they can.

April : is this……

Crow: yup, an actual race.