Clementine's Log

## Scribbles

It's nighttime right now. Just woke up.

Had a bad dream today. About drowning. I'm in my room, and when I think I open my eyes, suddenly there's water everywhere. It's ridiculous. I don't even pass out. But I can't breathe. It hurts in the dream, too.

I don't have any leads on AJ anymore. I'm scared he might be dead. I'm scared I did it all for nothing. I can't not think about it. It keeps coming up, and there's no one I can talk to about it. Thought this might help. Maybe I'll think of something on my own, if I just write it down. Ink's pretty weak though.

I'm confused. I'm not angry at Lee anymore. It's like the bad shit just seems... unimportant. But it's still there. I cried like crazy last night. I end up in this hole, where I think maybe I didn't do enough. It's hard to really put it into perspective. I've known him longer than I knew my dad. I think that makes it hurt worse. I wish he hadn't lied. I wish I could forgive him right now, because I can't stop thinking about it.

I thought I wouldn't miss her either. How stupid is that? It comes back even harder, the longer I try not to think about it. And it makes me feel horrible. The days I hate her, I feel even worse. Can't win, no matter what I do. But I'm trying to move on. I'm just tired. I'm tired, and I think I can't. I want to fix it and I can't. I want to end the people who did it and I just can't.

Pen's starting to fade. I'm a mess. Everyone else sees it. I'm worried it might be forever.

I'm gonna beat the shit out of Maeve tomorrow. Throw this in the trash too.

## Diary #1

Ran across a pencil today, in one of those work offices. Plus this old thing. It's night again. Dear diary, it reeks of smoke in here.

Is it too late to start one of these? Does it even count if I burn the page after I'm done? I told Minerva I was just tallying up supplies. God, if Maeve found out I'm writing about her she'd be furious.

I won't. Too much.

I'm looking at her right now. She looks half asleep. I can practically see the drool. I'm pretty tired too. Minerva beat me at sparring again and she's so smug about it.

Good news, though. I managed a whole day without thinking about AJ. And when I do, I try to keep to happy thoughts. Like, I try to picture the adventures they might be going through, I guess? Ellie was so funny. Bet she was great with kids.

~~I shouldn't be using "was." Fuck. It's more honest, right?~~

This one's been hard, diary. Rather not get into details. You're just a piece of paper, you don't care. Should I talk about my day instead? It was boring. Hung out with Minerva's... girlfriend? I don't know. It's a whole thing. I don't get that personal with Maeve. It's what I have you for.

~~This is stupid.~~

Minerva just looked at me. She can sense mischief, I say. No hahaha... I probably just look miserable. And deranged. I already cried yesterday, so I'm trying to hold it in a bit. I don't want her to hear, honestly. Avery and Wyatt are asleep already.

My turn.

## Diary #2

Dear journal I found in a storage room. Me again.

I checked that squirrel place again before we left. Cute cute cute. I'm so jealous. Do they even know there's infected people walking around? Food for thought.

Last night's nightmare was a driving thing. Like I'm driving and driving and the road doesn't end, until it does and I start falling. When I Ianded it freaked me out, I woke up on the spot. Nice work, Clementine. Almost peed your pants again. I got a headache though.

~~I'm sorry I made you hate me. I'm sorry I didn't say I love you back.~~

~~Do you think about me, too?~~

~~I think about how fucking cruel you are. I think about the way you tricked me into loving you.~~

~~Why did you lie? Why did you both lie?~~

~~Why do I miss you?~~

I shouldn't have brought up Ellie last time. It's been in my head all day cause of it. She'd get a kick out of the squirrels.

## Diary #3

I left Lee to turn. This morning it just hit me.

And I feel sick. Can't focus at all. I can't.

Rest in Peace, Lee. Okay? I owed you that little... and I screwed it up too.

Trying to think of something he would say: "It'll be alright. You ~~can keep going even if it hurts. Don't let it kill you."~~