My Nigga Ernie Parnasus

An image of Ernie upon the Fields of Randand.

My Nigga Ernie Parnasus had a nervous disposition towards cheese sandwiches, and is thy most revered midget nog, so much so that he had thy slave beating privelages. He lived in Ser Derrick Hashslinging's pantry, and polished thy meats with his unusual genitals. He is often known as 'Pantry Parnasus' because of this. For much of his life, he worked upon thy blasted Fields of Randand.

## Facts and Trivia

Ernie Parnasus invented:

* Doorknobs
* Door handles
* Automatic doors
* Thy Simpsons
* Thy wheel
* Thy drilldo
* Thy 🍆 Emoticon

Below is a list of things Ernie did to Noris Kneecap

* He shit on him
* Dishevelled him
* Raped his nan
* Taught him how to ride a bicycle
* Removed his intestines with a pipe cleaner
* Lubricated his arm
* Nibbled his phalanges
* Decapitated his gecko, then devoured it, then gipped it back up into thy fish tank, which killed thy fish and then he proceeded to cook thy dead fish, and then carry on to serve thy sick ridden fish to Derrick Hashslinging.

## Origins

Ernie Parnasus was raised in Derrick's Sudanese castle, named Hashton Manor.
He was born to a overly friendly mother who on occasions vigorously sealed Ernie Parnasus in her bed sheets (Ernie's family was treated well by thy Derrick), squelched out thy wettest fart possible into a small opening in said bed sheets, and then she closed thy opening so Ernie Parnasus had no choice but to embrace thy wet fart - just so he could breathe.

Ernie Parnasus was Derrick's favourite and most beloved nog volunteer, and therefore he was treated with thy utmost nog luxuries. He also was presented with thy Medal of Ernie Parnasus, thy most sought after medal that can be presented to any nog volunteer.

When Ernie Parnasus was just a pint-sized whelp of thy nogular kind, Derrick grasped Ernie by thy neck and kissed him (at first sight), and at that moment Derrick knew his true identity. Ever since that fateful day until his death, Ernie Parnasus was escorted to Hashton Manor, which became his accommodation for many a year.

Ernie also gained an nervous disposition around cheese sandwiches and he blamed thy disposition on thy fact that one night, thy Derrick was drunkenly pondering back to Hashton Manor (after going to thy annual and rowdy Cheese Sandwich Tasting Festival, which is presented upon thy Mountains of Kong),
and on that night, when Derrick arrived back at his abode, he exclaimed, "WHERE IS MY NIGGA ERNIE!?". When Ernie Parnasus heard thy terrifying squeal, he speedily rolled to Derrick. Derrick was vastly impressed by this, so he hunted thy Ernie Parnasus swiftly, and breathed in his mouth before gipping up some yellowy congealed cheesy substance into Ernie's mouth. Derrick then proceeded to say, "THY ERNIE, HOW DO YOU LIKE THY CHEESE GIPPAGE!?"

## Ernie's Demise

On thy fateful and terribly saddening day of May 28th 1844, Ernie Parnasus was found dead at thy bottom of thy grand staircase with a strange yellow cheesy substance round his mouth.
It is thought that thy other nog volunteers were targeting Ernie, because of his companionship to Derrick, which made Ernie Parnasus incredulously depressed.
Therefore Ernie Parnasus threw himself down the stairs, stairs which to a normal sized nig weren't too big, but to Ernie thy stairs were like thy cliffs of Al Ubayyid.
Ernie was discovered vastly dishevelled and frigid to thy touch, and he was also found without any phalanges.
It is said that Ernie had been tortured by thy various other nog volunteers.

Here is thy quote in loving memory of thy most admired Ernie Parnasus.

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*"Rest in peace, nigger."* - a quote from Ser Derrick Hashslinging.

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## Thy Most Appraising Haircut

Below is an image of Ernie Parnasus after Ser Derrick Hashslinging gave him his first ever nogular head trimmage. He was only seven at the time this picture had been produced.