Episode 30: “The Loft of Lesbian ASMR” (w/ Jeff Nelson!)

*We’re joined by our very first returning guest this week! Scream Factory’s Jeff Nelson catches up with the crew to talk about the mystifying lesbian thriller/alternative to Ambien that is 1980’s WINDOWS.   Producer Brennan leads the show this time because Mark has a very important announcement, Nay comes around on Jenny the cat, and Michael looks to boost his Lyft rating.   Plus, in Tea Time we sip on WHEN A STRANGER CALLS BACK, ANGST, PROM NIGHT II, and US.[1]*

## **Trivia**

Mark's last episode as a regular host. Brennan's first episode as a regular host. Friend of the pod Jeff Nelson is the show's first returning guest

Topics brought up during the episode: *Pose* season two and its flash-forward, Our Lady J, Amy Sedaris, Andy Cohen, *Final Girls*

## **Tea Time**

**Nay:** *Angst* (1983)

**Michael:** Ken Burns's *The War*; *Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II*; *When A Stranger Calls Back*

**Mark:** HBO'S *Barry* season 2

**Jeff:** *Us*

**Brennan:**

## **Shady Summaries**

**Michael:** Eureka! I've found the slowest movie ever made!

**Mark:** I have two. My first one is just a line, and the second one I had to communicate in song

**Michael:** Aw, one last song. One last… temp song. I dunno. He's coming back, so

**Mark:** The first one is: *Windows*. It's like if *Carol* was made by Joe Eszterhas

**Michael:** Yikes

**Mark:** And the second one… (to the tune of "Come To My Window")

Come to my *Windows*

Crawl inside

Freeze my pet cat like a loon

Come to my *Windows*

Hope this movie ends soon

**Michael:** I don't have a second Shady Summary, but the whole time I was watching it I just kept thinking, of course I'm gonna bring up *Seinfeld* or one of the three shows I always bring up

**Nay:** Oh lord

**Michael:** And I kept thinking, I kept feeling like I was Elaine, who's played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus in the episode where she's forced to watch *The English Patient*. She's in the theater, fucking dying, just ripping her hair out. She's like screaming at the screen, "*Will you just fucking die already!*"

**Mark:** I hate that fucking movie

**Michael:** And people are like shushing and she's like, "Go to hell!" to everybody and that's how I felt like her, watching this movie, I was just rocking back and forth watching time go backwards

**Nay:** *Ohhh*

**Mark:** That movie was some bullshit

**Nay:** I'm basically like, "Dear lesbians: If you want to hold a knife to someone's throat and tell them what to do, you can easily find someone to do that with consensually. End."

**Jeff:** (laughing) Oh my God!

**Mark:** You know, it's true, Elizabeth Ashley, she didn't really, she didn't quite-- I was like, "You're living in New York." It's not like they live in Podunk

**Nay:** Right

**Mark:** I mean, she lives in fucking Manhattan

**Michael:** New York City, yeah

**Mark:** You can only imagine what…

**Nay:** Yeah. Put that hanky out and go. Get you somebody who wants what you want

**Michael:** Is there a color for knife to the throat? There should be

**Brennan:** I'm sure there is one

**Nay:** Maybe if she could do like, dom top flagging and then knife play

**Jeff:** Oh my God

**Mark:** But get your little Radio Shack recorder and find someone who's into rape play

**Nay:** Yeah. The end

**Michael:** Or make those noises yourself into a recorder and then listen to yourself tomorrow.[2]

**Nay:** Do you think that would work?

**Jeff:** *Wow*

**Nay:** Do you think you could be arou-- that's, never mind

**Michael:** Do it while you're drunk

**Nay:** I was about to say, "Do you think your own sex noises could arouse you?"

**Michael:** Absolutely

**Nay:** And I was like, "Of course they can. *Duh*." As if my own sex tapes don't do it for me

**Brennan:** It's not like self-tickling

**Nay:** Yeah

**Jeff:** I didn't have a Shady Summary. I just, I want to, for eventually you know, I'm going to push this out on the Scream Factory fans and say, "If you wanna hear about *Windows*, you know, we put it out on Blu-ray and…"

**Michael:** Put this on as a DVD commentary, as an extra

**Brennan:** "A harrowing account of the lengths a gay in the Eighties will go to to impress *literally* any straight person." Because that's how I would describe Talia Shire in this movie. Any straight person with a Junie B. Jones haircut

## **Pride Float**

**Brennan:** I have an easy question for you: Does this movie get a Pride float?

**Michael:** No

**Jeff:** No. No. No.

**Michael:** It's fuckin' doing community service with *Sleepaway Camp*

**Jeff:** Yeah

**Michael:** It's sentenced to life

**Mark:** Yeah, it is in queer reform school with *Sleepaway Camp* and…

**Jeff:** Yes

**Brennan:** Well, can we sample some of those breathy moans from the end in some sort of EDM track for Mommy Issues?

**Michael:** Into it

**Nay:** Sounds cute

**Brennan:** That's for Chingy's party

**Mark:** I'm sure the gay Chingy would--

**Michael:** Get Von Kiss to remix that bitch

**Mark:** Well, it would kind of be a riot to see some kind of supercut of scenes of *Windows* to an EDM song, with just the cat falling out

**Nay:** The thud, they specifically use the thud as part of the beat

**Brennan:** Ooooh

**Michael:** I wanna hear it to Sheena Easton (sings) "My baby takes the morning train…" The cat falls out during that

**Mark:** You know what? No one ever let us have a night at a club, ever. It will be....

## **Quotes**

**Mark:** But we're going out with a bang for me

**Michael:** Are we?

**Brennan:** I'm gonna be stepping a little more into the limelight. Which is, honestly, I created all these work opportunities for Mark because I wanna be a star

**Mark:** I wish you actually would just sing "Let Me Be Your Star" now

**Brennan:** I think I know all the words, I think I can do it if you want

**Mark:** I bet you could

**Brennan:** I don't want to

**Mark:** Okay

**Brennan:** Anyway

**Mark:** End of show bonus

**Mark:** And maybe I'll leave sort of some drunk-dialed voicemail--

**Michael:** Cameos

**Mark:** Cameos. Where I'll be like, (drunkenly) "You guys…" (normal voice) I'm like weeping like Heather Donahue into a phone

**Michael:** (as drunken Mark) "Did you guys do this movie this week?"

**Mark:** (drunkenly) "*I'm so sorry!*"

**Brennan:** (as drunken Mark) "*I'm so sorry!*"

**Brennan:** This is Mark's temporary going away party. So we did let him choose the movie. And also, the guest that kind of automatically comes attached to this movie, whenever you mention its name--

**Michael:** He appears

**Brennan:** He is our very first returning guest on Attack of the Queerwolf!

**Nay:** *Wow*

**Michael:** Woo-hoo!

**Brennan:** Look, I've been looking for a reason to delete this app and I think I've finally found it

**Mark:** Oh my God

**Brennan:** It's Scream Factory's Jeff Nelson!

**Jeff:** I'm honestly honored. And the movie you chose tonight, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to discuss-slash-rag-slash…

**Michael:** All of it?

**Jeff:** Try to figure out what the hell, you know, why it was even made

**Michael:** Seriously, good question

**Michael:** Why is everyone looking at me?

**Nay:** I unno

**Mark:** I dunno

**Brennan:** You watch stuff

**Mark:** (feigned anger) Yeah Michael, what have you been watching?!

**Michael:** Everyone always, like Mark said, punts

**Nay:** I think it's where you're sitting at the table

**Brennan:** It's true, you are at the head of the table

**Michael:** It's not my usual seat?

**Mark:** You *are* sitting at the head of the table and it sort of

**Michael:** With my coconut LaCroix?

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** That you all make fun of me for having?

**Mark:** Because you're a monster?

**Nay:** With your bottle of suntan oil that you're drinking?

**Michael:** *Mmm-mmm!*

**Mark:** (announcer voice) Coppertone! (normal voice) Glug glug glug glug

**Nay:** I meant to bring this up last week and I forgot, because I watched so many other movies, but awhile ago I had asked on Twitter, "Anyone have Shudder recommendations?" And Jordan Crucchiola was like, "Oh, you should watch *Angst*."

**Michael:** Oh, I saw that!

**Mark:** Oh my God, that movie's so fucked

**Nay:** *Yes*. Yes

**Mark:** Ugh, that is a movie

**Nay:** *Yo*. It was *so* good. *So* fucked up

**Mark:** Mmm-hmm

**Nay:** So fucked up

**Michael:** You're so happy

**Nay:** Yeah, and I *highly* recommend it. I loved it

**Brennan:** Is that the one from the Eighties or the newer one?

**Nay:** Oh, the Eighties

**Brennan:** Okay

**Mark:** It's Eighties and it's German, so it's pronounced "angst". That's the only way you can say it

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** I love Shudder

**Nay:** Yes, me too

**Michael:** I like really love it

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** I'm like super happy with Shudder

**Nay:** Yeah, and Jordan, thank you

**Michael:** Yes

**Nay:** (chortling) That was a great suggestion

**Brennan:** Another previous guest

**Nay:** Yes

**Mark:** Heart-eyes at Jordan, our ex. One of our sexes

**Nay:** One of our exes!

**Michael:** Hopefully we date her again soon

**Nay:** That was fantastic-- well, we probably will 'coz that's the way I date anyway. In rounds, in rounds and only people I've previously dated apparently. But, I also wanted to mention I've been talking to this person for awhile on the internet, but really dope queer Black woman filmmaker and she is making a horror short and production is starting again this summer. It's called *Bitten: A Tragedy*. I shared it on our Insta stories, I'll share it again when this episode comes out because they are raising money to start production again and I think a lot of us would love to see people that look like us, that act like us in horror, and so if that's something you're into, we'll link you to--

**Michael:** Who's the filmmaker?

**Nay:** Monica Estrella Negra, I think that's how her name is pronounced, but yeah. She's really cool and I would love for y'all to check out that project

**Michael:** Well I watched two things this week and I don't know really if anyone wants to talk about them, because one of them was Ken Burns's *The War*, which is like a nine-hour doc, no it's a sixteen-hour documentary on World War II, so…

**Mark:** Hmmm

**Michael:** Good times. And then the other thing I watched, I actually spent a weekend at home, visiting family, and I watched, because of Nay talking about it and loving it, I watched *Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II*

**Brennan:** (delighted gasp) Yes!

**Nay:** *Yesss!*

**Jeff:** You can't go wrong with that

**Mark:** She's such an asshole, I love it. Not Nay, Mary Lou

**Nay:** (indistinct)

**Michael:** Okay, I hadn't seen it in the longest time, and I didn't remember any of it

**Nay:** Nice

**Michael:** Okay, there's an Eighties look, right?

**Nay:** Yes

**Mark:** Mmm-hmm

**Michael:** And it looks Eighties, but it also looks… I wanted to re-dress everybody. And it's not because their clothes were in the Eighties, everyone just looked like they just woke up

**Nay:** (laughing) You're a bitch!

**Michael:** (chuckling) And I don't know, I just love movies where like, the exterior of the house does not match the massive enormity of the inside of the house, and I was like, obsessed with that while watching the movie. And I thought the main guy was kinda cute, too

**Brennan:** Oh yeah

**Michael:** And I kept being like, "Who is he?" And "How do I know him?"

**Mark:** Ontario, Canada--

**Michael:** Is that what it is?

**Mark:** Late-eighties, mid-eighties filmmaker--

**Jeff:** Yeah, that's definitely it

**Mark:** Filmmaking at its finest

**Michael:** Was it supposed to be the same high school from the first movie, because they have the same name

**Jeff:** Yes

**Brennan:** They were supposed be

**Jeff:** Ehh, yeah

**Michael:** And the high school is like a *giant*…

**Jeff:** Yeah

**Michael:** It looks like a mental hospital from the exterior

**Nay:** Yeah

**Jeff:** It was such-- I remember thinking as a kid, "What a weird departure from the slasher standard of the first one."

**Michael:** Yeah. Well it was originally not made as a *Prom Night*

**Jeff:** Right. Exactly. And then they went very Freddy Krueger and *Nightmare on Elm Street* with making Mary Lou a clearly just done as a, you know, comedic--

**Mark:** A prom queen

**Michael:** Yeah

**Jeff:** "See ya later alligator, " all this kind of stuff. It was very, very campy

**Nay:** Yeah (laughing)

**Michael:** So dumb. It's so dumb

**Jeff:** But it is very funny. The hair is very high--

**Nay:** Mmm-hmm!

**Jeff:** On a lot of characters

**Michael:** Oh my God, the main girl…

**Brennan:** Vicki

**Michael:** Vicki?

**Jeff:** Yeah, Vicki Carpenter

**Michael:** I love that she has *so* much hair

**Jeff:** Yes!

**Michael:** A *fuckton* of hair. And then has like the *tiniest* little side-pony. I'm like, "Why the fuck did you even bother putting a rubber band?"

**Nay:** Right. The Aqua Net woulda helped, yeah. You don't need that rubber band

**Michael:** I dunno. It's so fun

**Nay:** Ick, I love it

**Michael:** But Jeff mentioned a movie that we were talking about pre-show that I wanted to bring up, it was *When A Stranger Calls Back*

**Jeff:** Oh yeah, we're putting that out today

**Michael:** I've seen it *so* many times and I love it!

**Mark:** Ooooh!

**Michael:** People, if you haven't seen it, you're missing out on a true gem

**Jeff:** It truly is a *good* movie--

**Michael:** It's not a great movie

**Jeff:** I'm not saying *Hello Mary Lou* isn't, it's just a campier, funnier comedic movie

**Michael:** Yes

**Jeff:** But *When A Stranger Calls Back* is one of those movies where like, here you are, it's an actually worthy sequel to the original

**Michael:** I prefer it to the original

**Jeff:** A lot of people told us--

**Michael:** Mmm-hmm

**Jeff:** We got requests for it quite a bit over the years and finally we were able to get into a studio and unlock it and put it out, and hope it sells well. Oh, we have interviews with Carol Kane, the director, Jill Schoelen

**Michael:** Oh, amazing!

**Jeff:** The transfer, which is a brand-new transfer for us looks like it was shot yesterday

**Michael:** The *score* on that movie is phenomenal

**Jeff:** It's creepy

**Michael:** Especially in the opening twenty minutes

**Jeff:** Oh yeah

**Michael:** That's one of the first movies I saw post-*Scream* (1996), and it rivaled-- that opening scene of *When A Stranger Calls Back* rivals the opening scene of *Scream*

**Jeff:** I actually think the opening scene in *When A Stranger Calls Back* is scarier than *Scream* on some levels

**Brennan:** Okay, let's not get ahead of ourselves

**Jeff:** I'm gonna be bold. I'm sorry...

**Mark:** Scorching hot takes! Piping hot!

**Jeff:** I don't care--

**Mark:** (announcer voice) "Tonight, on *Attack of the Queerwolf!*"

**Jeff:** I stand by that. I just think it's really well done--

**Michael:** It's really well done, and I think Kevin (Williamson) when writing (*Scream*) had to be influenced by it

**Jeff:** Yeah

**Michael:** Or at least the original

**Jeff:** Totally

**Michael:** Yeah

**Jeff:** Good film

**Michael:** Great film

**Jeff:** Hope it sells

**Mark:** I'm really excited because HBO's *Barry* is back on and it's so good

**Michael:** I haven't started it yet, but it's a good show

**Mark:** I love it so. And I'm not gonna spoil any of it. So everybody start over the first season, because it's pretty terrific and Bill Hader is *lovely* and brilliant--

**Michael:** I love Bill Hader

**Mark:** And has anyone been watching anything more recent in theaters?

**Jeff:** Mmm-hmm

**Brennan:** Yeah

**Jeff:** Is this my time?

**Brennan:** Yeah, sure!

**Jeff:** I'm gonna get it!

**Brennan:** Okay!

**Jeff:** I saw *Us* a couple weeks ago

**Brennan:** Mmm-hmm

**Jeff:** I was… five out of ten on this one

**Brennan:** Okay

**Jeff:** That's gonna have some people screaming, "What are you talking about?" And other people saying, "Yeah, I getcha." I went in only seeing the trailer once, months ago. And I loved *Get Out*, own *Get Out*, I saw it several times. I thought *Get Out* was a really well done film. I think, that for me, *Us* was well-acted, I thought it was well-shot. I also appreciate Jordan Peele being on the scene and doing something fresh and new. Without having spoilers, though, bonkers plot that um, if you're gonna go that bonkers, you gotta maybe tie up some loose ends. I realize in talking to people some of those loose ends are done on purpose to engage thought and there's layers of all sorts of things going on here, but I wasn't as scared as I was in *Get Out*, and I found myself just going, "But why didn't they…? But if she had done…" it was just, at the end of the movie I was like, "Okay." And so I went on my Facebook page and said, "Preposter-*Us*."

**Brennan:** Ah! Ah!

**Jeff:** And of course that turned into, "How could you?" "I agree." Whatever. Did you guys see it?

**Michael:** It's supposed to be pretty explanatory

**Mark:** Because calm and reasoned debate can only happen on social media

**Jeff:** So, I'm curious, where do you guys land?

**Michael:** I had a lot of fun. I mean, I had a blast watching it

**Jeff:** Yeah. I wanted to, I wanted to

**Michael:** *Get Out* will be-- it's hard to compare, it's not anywhere near the same type of movie as *Get Out* so it's hard to compare it

**Jeff:** Yeah

**Michael:** But I think… it's a Jordan Peele slasher movie, and it's very Jordan Peele and you're watching a Jordan Peele movie and you know you're watching a Jordan Peele movie and it *looks* like a Jordan, you know what I mean? Two movies in, he already has a look, POV, all that great stuff

**Jeff:** Mmm-hmm

**Michael:** *I* left going, "That was a lot of fun."

**Jeff:** Interesting

**Michael:** Yeah

**Jeff:** Yeah. Did you guys feel the same? This is where--

**Michael:** I thought there was problems but I didn't care

**Jeff:** Again, and what I tried to do is saying, "*Get Out* was this movie, this is another movie."

**Michael:** Mmm-hmm!

**Jeff:** What actually went through my mind is, "I wonder if *Us* will play for me better down the road." Usually when a horror hit comes out, like there is *Halloween* (1978) and John Carpenter and *The Fog* (1980) and *The Fog* didn't really find its audience until later.

**Michael:** *The Thing* (1982)

**Jeff:** Even Hitchcock's *Psycho* (1960) was followed by *The Birds*, which was *not* as shocking and as scary as *Psycho*. Even *Carrie* (1976) with (Brian) De Palma was followed by *The Fury*. A different movie, a different--

**Mark:** Oh my God. *The Fury*, though, is so hilarious

**Jeff:** I do love *The Fury*

**Mark:** *The Fury* is like the CW version of--

**Jeff:** I love the tone and its own merits

**Mark:** But in the best way, oh my God

**Jeff:** I didn't *hate* (*Us)* and if anyone would say that it was a bad movie, I would dismiss them outright because it is not a bad movie. Again, great performances, great look, great mood, and I think that the opening half worked better for me than say, the last half. So again--

**Michael:** I like any movie where Elizabeth Moss is just fucking derangedly staring into a mirror

**Mark:** Yeah, okay, her "Baby pretty now" moment in that movie?

**Michael:** So great

**Nay:** Oooooh

**Mark:** Hilarious

**Michael:** Love her

**Jeff:** Yeah, she surprised me that she was in the movie. And that being said, I totally look forward to what Jordan Peele brings next

**Michael:** Absolutely

**Jeff:** Because what I did appreciate is that this wasn't standard like, generic kind of, this was like, it made you think. And believe me, I talked about it all last week at work with everybody who had all the same different opinions. I like those kind of movies

**Michael:** Sure

**Jeff:** Yeah

**Mark:** I think it's so evident, the intellect and talent and soul that Jordan Peele brings to the work that he does, whether it's straight-up comedy or horror. And the thing is, with *Us*, the metaphor that it's sold *Us* on in the trailer? Like doppelgangers who are here to fucking replace you and kill you--

**Jeff:** Yes

**Mark:** Is already so powerful, especially today, you know there's something so visceral and upsetting about it, and I think it's literally with just *Us*, if it's not entirely your cup of tea or you're bothered by some of the plot stuff. I think it's the fact that there's a lot of great ideas, and I think that maybe having shed *just a couple* at the back end, maybe might have helped?

**Jeff:** Yeah

**Mark:** But, yeah. It's still a good time

**Jeff:** For me, I wanted it ultimately to be, when I am going to see a horror thriller film, I want to be *scared*

**Mark:** Yeah

**Jeff:** I want to be scared. I just wasn't scared like I was in *Get Out*. I also felt like *Get Out* was a more sinister movie--

**Mark:** *Yes*

**Nay:** Mmmm, mmmm-hmmm

**Mark:** It's much more self-consciously dark

**Jeff:** It's much more, oooh, the white guy who voted for Obama, who actively said it is the villain here and this is what's happening and they took an *Invasion of the Body Snatchers Stepford Wives* plot and warped it, and *Us* does that too, 'cause there's been lots of doppelganger movies and stuff like that, and that is inherently scary. It might be one of those films I catch on cable down the road and reassess it a little bit

**Michael:** Yeah, 'coz I feel like he was just trying to make like a pop-y horror movie

**Mark:** It's a much more Amblin (indistinct)

**Brennan:** Yeah

**Michael:** And fun

**Brennan:** It's much less thematically concise

**Mark:** Yes

**Brennan:** I would say *Us* is him making great strides as a *visual* director

**Michael:** It's a gorgeous movie

**Jeff:** Mmm-hmm, it really was

**Brennan:** Yeah, because *Get Out* is a really tight screenplay with great casting, but I wasn't bowled over by the *look* of *Get Out*, but the look of *Us* is spectacular

**Jeff:**. Yes

**Mark:** *Stunning*

**Michael:** I mean that, I don't wanna spoil anything, but the scene with Elizabeth Moss's family, I'm sure you know, it's the exterior shot of what's going on inside, it's like *fucking amazing*, like "*Fuck*"

**Jeff:** Actually, a subtle scene that stays with me is the opening scene where they're on the beach and there's just lightning in the background

**Brennan:** *Yes!*

**Jeff:** Something as simple as that to me was like, "This is well--"

**Michael:** I love the little shout-out to *The Lost Boys* in the opening scene, too

**Jeff:** Yeah

**Michael:** What'd she say, like, "Oh, they filmed a movie here this summer?"

**Nay:** Yeah

**Jeff:** Yeah, yeah

**Michael:** So great

**Mark:** Is there any other current horror films that you--

**Michael:** I'm seeing a current horror film this weekend if that's what you're getting at. I'm seeing *Pet Sematary* (2019) on Sunday. Haven't seen it yet

**Jeff:** Ohhh

**Mark:** Okay

**Michael:** Yep

**Mark:** Curious to know what you think

**Michael:** Have you seen it?

**Mark:** *Mmmm*

**Michael:** Mark loved it

**Mark:** Mmm, just you know, spoil--

**Michael:** I'm seeing it Sunday

**Mark:** Well, you know, I don't wanna talk about a movie that you know, I don't wanna be spoiling it

**Michael:** Ohh

**Jeff:** I will say that I am *totally* amped to see *Ma*

**Michael:** Oh!

**Jeff:** That trailer I have watched five times

**Nay:** What is *Ma?*

**Jeff:** With Octavia Spencer?

**Michael and Jeff:** You haven't seen the trailer for it?

**Nay:** I don't watch trailers

**Michael:** Girl. Octavia Spencer's having the fucking time of her life in this movie

**Jeff:** Just watch the trailer once, because when I saw that I was like, "*Oh*."

**Brennan:** Watch a minute of the trailer

**Nay:** Okay

**Jeff:** How can you not love Octavia anyways, but I just love the fact that she is in a role that she is not playing comedic side character. She is a *meaty*--

**Mark:** She's playing Freddy Krueger

**Jeff:** Yeah, she, it's a batshit role

**Michael:** That trailer came on before *Us* when I saw *Us*. I was *literally screaming* watching it. I was like, "That looks like so much fun! She's loving every second she got to make this movie!"

**Jeff:** Yeah, it showed up, it premiered a month ago online and literally five times I brought people over--

**Michael:** The trailer's amazing

**Jeff:** I was like, "You've gotta see this trailer, this trailer is really good." And it's either gonna go one way or another and I'm gonna have fun with it

**Michael:** Yes

**Jeff:** That was, I was yeah. Looking forward to that

**Michael:** So fun

**Nay:** (sighs)

**Michael:** You should watch the trailer, Nay. 'Cause you're gonna be like, "I need to see this. I can't wait."

**Jeff:** Yeah

**Nay:** I'll watch it after the movie, yeah

**Jeff:** (to Brennan) Did you see anything?

**Brennan:** I actually have a special segment that I would like to launch into, if I could get my jingle

**Michael and Mark:** (singing the rhythm from "My Sharona")

**Mark and Michael** (whispers) La Llorona

**Michael:** Corner

**Brennan:** Yes, I've been watching every movie featuring the Mexican folk legend La Llorona in anticipation of her new feature

**Mark:** It's her big comeback

**Jeff:** Yeah!

**Mark:** Her grand return to the silver screen!

**Michael:** Modern-day reboot

**Brennan:** Yes! So, I watched *The Wailer 3*

**Michael:** Jesus Christ

**Brennan:** It's from 2012, five years after *The Wailer 2*, which I'm sure you all remember

**Mark:** Oh, like yesterday

**Brennan:** Yeah yeah yeah. Okay, so time to go full Stefon

**Michael:** I didn't know there was a *Wailer 1*

**Brennan:** This movie has *everything*. Absolutely no continuity with the first two films, La Llorona lives in a swimming pool, there's a magical turtle…

**Michael:** Mark, you nailed it on the head. He's Stefon about his (laughing) La Llorona movies

**Mark:** Yeah

**Michael:** I love it

**Brennan:** It's atrocious. Deeply, deeply bad. It's actors who do not have um, practice. Trying to be diplomatic

**Michael:** I was gonna say, you were trying to be really nice there, yeah

**Mark:** They're like hostages more than anything

**Brennan:** Yeah. To be fair, the dialogue is Impossible. Here is a line I wrote down word for word

**Michael:** (sotto voce) *Oh yes*

**Brennan:** "Regardless of time, I can see that everything remains exactly the same."

**Michael:** Okay

**Mark:** I dunno, it rolls off your tongue. I mean….

**Brennan:** It's very florid, it's very Julie Andrews, and these actors are not Julie Andrews. I actually, I shared a clip of it on Twitter, which again, I assume you all saw. But I think I'll just share a little bit of it really quickly

**Michael:** I'll just spit my coconut LaCroix

**Mark:** Please do

**Brennan:** Basically this movie climaxes about thirty minutes in, and then--

**Michael:** How long is the movie?

**Brennan:** An hour and a half

**Michael:** Mmm-kay

**Brennan:** The last hour--

**Mark:** "It's forty-five minutes."

**Michael:** That's like *Windows*, the climax starts at minute twenty

**Brennan:** La Llorona puts our hero in a wheelchair for the last hour, and the last hour is him kind of dealing with his in-home nurse and kind of just crying in a bathtub and screaming at her and then--

**Michael:** Did you watch *The Act* by mistake?

**Brennan:** *I don't know*

**Michael:** Okay

**Brennan:** But here's a little bit of his interaction with the nurse.

**NURSE:** (flatly) I'm sorry. What's the matter? Are you okay?

**Michael:** Oh my God

**HERO:** (flatly) I'm doing better

**NURSE:** (flatly) It's a miracle!

**Michael:** What is she reading off of?

**Brennan:** I have no idea, but it's not the script!

**Michael:** Yeah

**Brennan:** Anyway…

**Mark:** She sounds like a GPS

**Nay:** Yeah

**Mark:** (as a female-voiced GPS) "Turn left over here!"

**Michael:** (as a female-voiced GPS) "Oh my God!"

**Brennan:** It's just, it's very *Troll 2*

**Mark:** Wow

**Jeff:** That's great

**Michael:** *Troll 2*'s fun

**Mark:** That's, that's quite a verdict

**Brennan:** Ehhhh

**Michael:** Where are you viewing these? Did you pay for this one?

**Brennan:** (stage whisper) I'd rather not say

**Michael:** YouTube?

**Brennan:** This one is available on YouTube, I believe, with Turkish subtitles, so that's fun. Anyway, everyone in the movie *hates* each other

**Michael:** Yay, it's like *Sorority Row*

**Brennan:** Yeah, but, oh man. One compliment I will give to the movie is its verisimilitude, because the guy's wife in one of the earlier scenes, she's going to bed, she takes off her nightgown and her bra and panties don't match. And I'm like, in movies they usually make a big deal out of making everything "sexy and magical", and I was like, you know what? "You go girl."

**Nay:** Keepin' it real?

**Brennan:** Exactly

**Nay:** Sleeping in a bra is not that realistic, but--

**Brennan:** Well, she took it off eventually

**Nay:** Oh, okay

**Brennan:** But we didn't see that. She was like, going to the bathroom or something. Like the context is *vital.* (sarcastically) *There's so much happening in The Wailer 3*. Anyway, yeah, this is gonna be one of the last ones before the new one

**Michael:** New one comes out next weekend, right?

**Brennan:** Yeah, it does! I'm gonna see it *opening night*

**Michael:** And you're gonna talk about that on...

**Brennan:** Whenever it happens--

**Michael:** Probably two weeks from today

**Brennan:** Probably two weeks from tonight, yeah

**Jeff:** I will say, that before *Us* there were so many horror trailers, it made me feel really happy

**Michael:** Yeah, there was a lot, yeah

**Jeff:** There was *Ma*, there was the La Llorona one, there was one called *Brightburn* which looked like a weird bend on Superman's story

**Michael:** Oh, right

**Jeff:** There was…

**Michael:** My favorite trailer before the movie was *Booksmart*. That looks so funny

**Brennan:** Oh, yes!

**Jeff:** Is that a horror one?

**Michael:** No, it's Olivia Wilde's movie, it's a coming-of-age comedy

**Brennan:** They're like high school girls

**Jeff:** There was *Annabelle Returns, which looked--*

**Mark:** No, *Annabelle Comes Home*

**Jeff:** *Annabelle Comes Home*, that looked fun

**Mark:** *Annabelle Comes Home*. That's the name

**Michael:** And they're eventually gonna make one that's *Annabelle Gets Her Groove Back*

**Mark:** The last scene of the *Annabelle* trailer is Annabelle literally up in some poor girl's crotch under the bed and she literally is smiling at her like, (gruff voice) "*Hey, bitch!*"

**Michael:** Yeah

**Mark:** I was like, she comes home, but she's sliding into home, okay?

**Jeff:** Ohhhhh

**Michael:** It's crazy to me, because that whole *Conjuring* universe, every trailer, every movie looks acts the same

**Jeff:** Yes

**Mark:** Yeah

**Michael:** But somehow to me the *La Llorona* movie to me looks *so boring*, and the *Annabelle Comes Home* movie looks like just batshit fun

**Mark:** *Hilarious. It just looks hilarious*

**Michael:** And also Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga are showing up in this *Annabelle* movie so I'm already there

**Jeff:** And well *Pet Sematary*'s trailer showed up and I was kind of like, "This is like a bonkers time for horror."

**Michael:** Yeah

**Jeff:** I mean there's also *Child's Play*, the remake coming out, there's also, there's just--

**Mark:** We don't discuss-- it's non Don Mancini

**Nay:** Right

**Michael:**You know horror is having a moment when they're making *every* single kind of horror movie.

**Nay:** Yeah

**Jeff:** Yes

**Michael:** They're not just making haunted house films and they're not just making slasher movies. They're making everything they can get their fucking hands on

**Jeff:** Even this week, *American Horror Story* just announced…

**Michael:** *1984*!

**Jeff:** *1984*, slasher. I was like, "Whoa!"

**Michael:** I will be watching *American Horror Story* for the first time in seven seasons

**Jeff:** *Wow*

**Mark:** We'll see

**Brennan:** We will

**Michael:** I'm gonna check it out just 'cause it's a slasher

**Nay:** I'm definitely watching

**Jeff:** I loved last season, they did basically *Coven Part Two*

**Nay:** *Cult*

**Jeff:** They got back their *glory* groove and I can't wait to see what they do for *1984*

**Michael:** I just hope they give Emma Roberts a knife

**Mark:** Sarah Paulson as Jason, is that it?

**Nay:** *Yo.*

**Mark:** Is that what it's gonna be?

**Michael:** As Mrs. Voorhees

**Mark:** As Mrs. Voorhees? I dunno. We'll see

**Nay:** *Yes.* Oh, I can't wait. You know I watch every season

**Mark:** (conceding) All right, all right

**Michael:** I'll start it to see if it's truly a slasher

**Jeff:** They were smart. It's like, *Stranger Things* is a hit set in the Eighties, it makes perfect sense and somebody at work--

**Michael:** Ryan Murphy's last stab at slashers was *Scream Queens*

**Jeff:** I didn't care for *Scream Queens*. I will give you that, because it's a little *too* comedic? A little bit too much?

**Michael:** Yeah, it was too hokey

**Jeff:** A little bit too over the top? Which normally I don't mind things being extra, but this was like, "Okay, *you're being really extra here!*" But this one, I dunno

**Michael:** Yeah

**Jeff:** I'm looking forward to it. Anyways, lotta good horror stuff coming up this year

**Nay:** Hell yeah

**Brennan:** I think Ryan Murphy does over the top *seriousness* very well, but the over the top comedy is very broad

**Jeff:** I agree

**Nay:** We should see if Our Lady J would come on the show

**Mark:** (sighs)

**Brennan:** Uh, yeah

**Michael:** I just shit my pants, like, at the thought of that

**Nay:** Yeah. Amazing

**Mark:** (chuckling) I'm sure she'd be super flattered

**Michael:** But in the best way

**Nay:** Right

**Michael:** The best shit way possible

**Nay:** God, we would need a piano if she came on the show 'cause I'd be like, "Can you play something?"

**Michael:** Yeah. Okay. Anyway, we're here to talk about some movie

**(Brennan plays the trailer for** *Windows***)**

**Michael:** This *literally* should've been the length of the movie. Same story is being told

**Jeff:** By the way, *first movie*, officially of 1980

**Michael:** Yeah, January eighteenth

**Jeff:** First film of the 1980s

**Brennan:** Came out with a roaring start

**Jeff:** (laughing) With *Windows*!

**Mark:** Dumped out, pooped out in January, always a great sign

**Jeff:** *Wow.* Just the fact that the decade is started on this movie is…

**Mark:** Telling

**Jeff:** Yeah

**Brennan:** I think Shady Summaries were invented specifically so you could discuss *Windows* 1980

**Mark:** Yep

**Jeff:** I wanted to give a little context for the movie. First of all, personally everything that y'all said I totally agree. My biggest problem with the film is "*Why* is Elizabeth Ashley *and* a cop so obsessed with Talia Shire being so dumpy and frumpy in this." She's a beautiful woman, but they've made her out to be this (as Talia Shire in *Windows*) "Oh, so meek. I've got a cat. Oh."

**Michael:** She's just playing Adrian

**Jeff:** Yes, she's just playing--

**Mark:** She reminded me of the little boy in *Stranger Things* a little bit

**Michael:** Oh my God, I fucking love it

**Mark:** Where you have like the pageboy haircut, the bowl haircut

**Nay:** Uh-huh, the bowl cut

**Mark:** Yeah

**Jeff:** It's not like she exudes any like real, y'know--

**Michael:** (laughing) The *fuck?*

**Brennan:** Yeah

**Jeff:** It's just kind of a, what to have a character be fixated on sexually. It just doesn't make any sense

**Nay:** Yeah

**Mark:** Listen. When you can pull off that many shades of brown, okay?

**Brennan:** *Fifty Shades of Brown*

**Mark:** (amused) *Fifty Shades… of Brown*

**Jeff:** So you guys probably know this a little bit, but you know this movie came out literally a month before--

**Michael:** *Cruising*

**Jeff:** William Friedkin's *Cruising* came out

**Michael:** Mmm-hmm

**Jeff:** These both came out through United Artists and they were both met with a lot of controversy. They were lumped in at the same time, because it looked like, "Here's murderous lesbian, here's murderous gay leather," you know, "How dare you Hollywood?" And they were both kind of put in there. *Cruising*, of course, because it was Friedkin had all the notoriety and the legs and is still being celebrated right now, whereas *Windows* came and went very quickly

**Michael:** I was gonna say, I was reading an article about that, like specifically the controversy between the two movies being so close to each other in 1980

**Jeff:** Mmm-hmm

**Michael:** And I actually read a piece of an article where there *started* to be controversy when it came to *Windows*, and then the critics started weighing in and they realized it was gonna last in theaters for about two weeks so they just decided, "We don't even *need* to protest against this, it's gonna go away." So then they shifted their focus to *Cruising* coming up

**Jeff:** Yes. And it's funny because when they were, there were some buttons or some flyers that went out that said like, "Crush *Cruising*. Smash *Windows*."

**Nay:** (gasps)

**Jeff:** You know, there was...

**Brennan:** I want that button

**Mark:** I *know*

**Jeff:** I know. I've seen--

**Mark:** *WANT*

**Jeff:** I actually have a pin that says, "Stop the movie *Cruising*" and it has "cruising" all in blood

**Brennan:** (softly) Oh my God!

**Jeff:** I actually have a legit pin that I got on Ebay. I was like, "I have to have this." But so *Cruising*, sorry--

**Michael:** (indistinct) have so much time on their hands

**Jeff:** *Windows* just kind of went away, never had a legit VHS release, laser disc, *anything*, it just didn't happen

**Michael:** It was in theaters for less than a week, right?

**Jeff:** Right, it just came and went. And then it had notoriety of like, "(indistinct) never go." And then the movie *The Celluloid Closet*, that came out in the mid-Nineties, that showed all these movies. They had a snippet of that film and *Cruising* and *The Fan* (1981) as examples of--

**Mark:** Bad gays

**Jeff:** Bad bad bad gays in theaters. So it became a little bit more like, "Well, what happened with this movie?" MGM put out a movie-on-demand disc years ago, that was respectable. I mean, it finally came out, I got to see it and I was like, "Oh, whatever." It is a *beautiful*-looking movie because the guy who directed it was the cinematographer of Francis Ford Coppola, so--

**Mark:** The opening shot

**Brennan:** Oh, it's gorgeous. The most beautiful tunnel

**Nay:** Yes

**Jeff:** It is New York City

**Mark:** So many great, gorgeous gorgeous shots in this movie

**Michael:** That's the thing that struck me while watching it was like, I'm so used to seeing studio films today set in New York City where it's clearly a backlot--

**Jeff:** Yeah

**Michael:** Or they shoot it on one street in New York and then they do the rest in L.A. and stuff, and it was so jarring to watch an entire movie and know it was clearly shot in New York. And like these big, beautiful shots with the actors in it and just the entire city's behind them and it's just--

**Nay:** Mmm-hmm

**Jeff:** Yeah

**Michael:** It was gorgeous

**Nay:** Yeah, that was stunning

**Jeff:** It was interesting that, like--

**Michael:** Such a different time

**Jeff:** And I don't know why that is, but *Cruising*, *Windows*, *Dressed to Kill*, and *The Fan* (1980)…

**Brennan:** The Holy Trin-- the Unholy Trinity

**Jeff:** Are *all* in New York City for some reason. This, you know, all movies that have some interesting controversy and movies that, I don't know if you--

**Michael:** (chortling) I love *The Fan* (1980)

**Jeff:** I know. But so, again, beautiful looking movie. You had established, Talia Shire was coming off of *Rocky*--

**Michael:** *Rocky II*, yeah

**Jeff:** She was also coming off of *Prophecy* (1979), that's not a great movie, but do you remember that one?

**Michael:** And *Old Boyfriends*

**Jeff:** Oh, yes. Okay. And so it went away and it was on this movie-on-demand. We at Scream Factory-Shout Factory had a deal with MGM where we get a lot of films, we get to do them in buckets. That's where we got *Carrie* (1975) and *The Fog* (1980) and a whole bunch of other, you know, legit good movies. But *Windows* came up into play and I said, "You know what? Let's give this a shot. Let me put this on a Blu-ray. Let me go out, like, we'll figure out *what happened*. Why did this movie get made? What was the backstory on it?" So, we went, we got Talia Shire, we got Elizabeth Ashley, we got the producer of the film, and kind of spoke through all the backstory

**Mark:** (laughing) I'm sure they were all thrilled to see each other

**Jeff:** Well, they were all perplexed at that

**Michael:** To talk about that nightmare?

**Jeff:** They were all like, "You wanna talk about this movie?" And we did, and it's fine. This didn't *quite* sell, or register. It is a *niche*, a super-niche movie. There are fans of it who, I'll say I'm a fan of the film because I watch it with such a puzzled like, (exhales) "*Huhhhh*."

**Michael:** The tagline on the fuckin' Blu-ray is, "Somebody loves Emily… *too much*." So amazing

**Nay:** It looks so good

**Jeff:** But that was the poster tagline

**Brennan:** "Someone's love of Emily has gone too far."

**Michael:** Yeah

**Jeff:** In a weird way, I came on here last year for *Single White Female*. This shares some very interesting themes with *Single White Female* of New York City…

**Mark:** Yep

**Jeff:** Also based. Lesbian stuff going on...

**Mark:** Yep

**Nay:** Mmm-hmm

**Jeff:** This one a little more overt. Let's be honest, of course it's majorly offensive that you would have a lesbian saying, "You know what? I'm on to this girl. I'm gonna hire a guy to sexually assault her." Like the opening scene is horrific. It's a pretty mess

**Michael:** The movie lost me there

**Mark:** I wanna know how that conversation in the cab went and how that--

**Jeff:** Oh my God

**Mark:** She's like, "Eighty-sixth and Lex. And by the way…"

**Michael:** "I've got an idea…"

**Mark:** "I dunno if you do like, side gigs," but it's like…

**Michael:** (fey voice) "Stuff for lezzies? Do you rape for lezzies?"

**Jeff:** (laughing) Oh my God, that's awful

**Mark:** Yeah, how do you? How, how…?

**Nay:** Oh my God. Someone's answer is, "Yes," so

**Michael:** His was

**Nay:** Yeah

**Mark:** I dunno

**Michael:** What, Mark?

**Mark:** No, no, I'm nervous about asking my Lyft driver to turn down the radio…

**Nay:** *Yoooooo*

**Mark:** I wouldn't even know where to begin to have *this* conversation, Jesus

**Jeff:** Oh my God, that's too funny

**Nay:** I'm scared to ask Lyft drivers for anything, or to rebuke them in any way, because it's like your life is in their hands

**Mark:** Yeah. Right!

**Nay:** Or when they're hitting on you…

**Michael:** Always get the--

**Brennan:** (sighs)

**Nay:** Oh my God, do I? I don't want you just drive back to your house. I don't wanna flirt too fast or be rude or turn you down. I don't want you to get angry at me

**Michael:** I always give five stars

**Nay:** You said you always give five stars?

**Michael:** 'Cause they know. I feel like, I'm worried that they can tell when a rating was given to them

**Nay:** Ohhhhh. You can't

**Michael:** (nervous laughter) "Five stars!"

**Brennan:** As someone who does not have a lot of money, I used to drive for Lyft

**Michael:** Oh, you did?

**Brennan:** And you do not know who gives you what rating

**Nay:** Same. I did, too. Yeah, you don't

**Michael:** 'Coz a driver once told me he could always tell whose tips were from who

**Nay:** He's lyin'. You can kinda tell whose tips are from who.

**Brennan:** Tips are different.

**Michael:** Okay

**Nay:** But you can't tell who rated you, and I--

**Brennan:** Yeah, and as far as I know they don't tell you what your rating *is*--

**Michael:** A driver once told me--

**Brennan:** They just tell you when it gets low

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** A driver was talking about passenger ratings and I was like, "What's mine?" He was like, "Yours is a four-point-six." Who the fuck gave me less than a five? I literally just sit in the back seat and try not to speak--

**Jeff:** *Wow*

**Michael:** And if they engage, I'll engage back, but I hate nothing more than a talky Lyft driver

**Jeff:** Four-point-six, wow

**Michael:** Yeah, someone gave me less than a five, right?

**Nay:** *Damn*. Fuck them

**Brennan:** R.I.P. that person

**Mark:** Talia Shire plays someone who named her cat "Jenny" if that tells you anything

**Michael:** (laughing) I *know*!

**Mark:** Like, right off the bat I'm just like, "Jenny the cat." Okay…

**Nay:** (southern accent) "The cat…"

**Mark:** So that's what we're working with. All right

**Michael:** (chuckling) Jenny the cat

**Jeff:** What surprises me about this movie is that unlike *Cruising*, *Dressed to Kill*, *The Fan* (1980), there's nothing really like, *overtly* violent. There's one scene with a freeze-dried, sorry spoilers, *cat*, that makes you laugh, but aside from that…

**Mark:** Her name is Jenny

**Jeff:** Right. (laughing) Jenny the freeze-dried cat. That scene makes me laugh

**Michael:** The deaths are all off-screen, right?

**Jeff:** The deaths are off-screen--

**Michael:** Though that opener…

**Jeff:** The intensity of that ending is *super* laughable with Elizabeth Ashley just kind of overacting a bit

**Brennan:** Oh, in her loft of lesbian ASMR?

**Jeff:** *Yes!* I mean, there's just nothing, there's nothing really like shocking like those other films. There's even not a lot of sex, there's not a lot of violence

**Mark:** The movie's one strength, which is its meditative, incredibly composed cinematography--

**Jeff:** Yes

**Mark:** And kind of strange languid pace?

**Jeff:** Yes

**Mark:** Which ordinarily would be a plus for another movie, is *deadly* to the movie's overall kind of health as a thriller

**Michael:** Oh yeah

**Mark:** Because it's a thriller with no turns. It literally twenty minutes into the movie is like--

**Michael:** "Here's our villain."

**Jeff:** Yes. Yes.

**Mark:** "Hey, you know that lesbian that lives upstairs from her? Turns out she's the bad guy! Anyway, we're gonna pop out for some smokes. You guys keep watching this (indistinct)," it's like...

**Jeff:** Yes. Yeah. I feel like--

**Michael:** Who was that for?

**Mark:** Yeah

**Jeff:** When we interviewed, you know-- listen, the intention of course, and they still believe that they were putting out a thriller in like the vein of like Hitchcock or something like that. They had a different ending of the character, the Elizabeth Ashley character was supposed to be transsexual

**Brennan:** Dodged a bullet on that one, honestly

**Jeff:** Would have been a *shocking,* would have been a more twisty kind of thing to throw if you were already going to show her as the villain earlier in the film. But they, I think took the material too seriously and it's just that's why it's kind of forgotten. It's not campy enough to be *Single White Female* or *Dressed to Kill* or *The Fan* (1980) or anything like that. And it's also, I dunno. I'm *fascinated* by it, to be quite honest

**Michael:** Well, there's two stories going on. There's crazy psycho lesbian and then there's gaslighting detective who's using this woman's plight to get in her pants. (chuckling) That's the hugest thing, yeah

**Jeff:** Yeah. That's, that is an awkward thing, too

**Michael:** And I know at the time they were probably like, "Isn't he a stand-up detective helping this young woman out?"

**Jeff:** And also--

**Brennan:** While watching movies in her apartment with her

**Jeff:** And that super-small TV. Which I noticed. I was like, "What?"

**Brennan:** (chuckling) Yeah

**Jeff:** But I also noticed that they made him, he clearly looked like (Sylvester) Stallone. There was another like--

**Michael:** Oh my God, that's so funny

**Mark:** I was about to call him "Budget Stallone"

**Jeff:** Yeah, totally. Totally

**Michael:** "Discount Stallone"?

**Mark:** But that's mean, I don't (indistinct)

**Jeff:** That being said, when we put it out, we had fans. We had people who were actually appreciative of it. And for LGBT film historic context, I'm glad that it's out there as a--

**Mark:** What not to do!

**Jeff:** Something to watch, or just something to be like, "Yeah, this was probably a wrong idea, you know?" And the controversy wasn't warranted, it just so happened to, it came out *right* before *Cruising*. *Cruising* was already getting all the controversy already as it was filmed in the Seventies and whatever, and this one just kind of snuck in and got a part of it and then went away. And leave it to, honestly, me, to resurrect it, so I am the one to blame

**Mark:** To be that bitch

**Jeff:** Right. I am the one to blame for your painful watches of this

**Mark:** No

**Brennan:** It's definitely a curio

**Michael and Mark:** Yeah

**Brennan:** I mean, I've never seen a movie that was composed entirely of deleted scenes before

**Nay:** Mmmkay

**Jeff:** Also, Ennio Morricone did the score!

**Michael:** Yeah! I mean, there's a lot of talent here!

**Jeff:** You have some, like this wasn't like *Friday the 13th Part Five*, you know, or something that was just slapped together

**Michael:** Wish it was

**Jeff:** Well, I agree that *Friday the 13th Part Five* is better

**Michael:** Well, there's an interesting thing about the movie that they had such an opportunity to actually tell like a really fascinating story with like an isolated, lonely woman--

**Jeff:** Mmm-hmm

**Michael:** In such a massive city, with people around every corner. And they kind of set that up, because a lot of the shots have nobody in them

**Brennan:** Yep

**Michael:** And they isolate her, and she's like lonely and haunted, but then nothing happens with it

**Mark:** Well, there's… the movie never has any empathy for anyone--

**Michael:** Right

**Jeff:** Yeah

**Mark:** Everyone always seems to be like, in the crosshairs-- like I was complaining last week about *Sorority Row* (2009). This movie makes *Sorority Row* look like *Little Women*, okay? It is like, cold, and-- *Sorority Row*, I remember being like, "These are all monsters and whatever."

**Nay:** They're eighteen

**Michael:** They are!

**Jeff:** They really are

**Mark:** But they are a supportive and loving sisterhood in comparison to the relationships in *Windows*

**Michael:** Yeah, it's just weird. Like it sets up these things about alienation and isolation and identity and stuff and there's just no payoff

**Jeff:** Even the neighbors next door are kind of cool and aloof

**Brennan:** They *seem to hate her*

**Mark:** Yeah, they were like, (gruff voice) "Who is this shady…?"

**Michael:** They're like, "Use our phone," but as soon as she (indistinct) they're like, "She's such a fucking cunt."

**Mark:** Yeah, they're like, "There's this shady librarian at the door *who wants to use our telephone*."

**Jeff:** I laugh the old man's like, "There's a payphone downstairs

**Nay:** Right!

**Jeff:** Like, *wow!*

**Mark:** *Rude!*

**Nay:** Lit her up!

**Mark:** *Rude!*

**Michael:** The best passive-aggressive thing I've ever seen

**Mark:** And while she's on the phone, they like, eyeball her like she's gonna steal all their ribbon candy or some shit. It's unreal

**Jeff:** The other thing I didn't understand is like, okay, so they made the character a stutterer. *Why?* I don't understand. There wasn't like a payoff at the end where she started screaming non-stuttering at Elizabeth Ashley. I didn't *understand* what that was for

**Michael:** I feel ya

**Brennan:** I *think* what they were trying to do, and this is not something that I agree with, I think this is in their Eighties sensibility minds they were thinking it made her vulnerable in some way?

**Jeff:** Probably. That would make some sense. But it was… you didn't have to have it. Talia Shire's Adrian in *Rocky* was already a vulnerable-looking character

**Brennan:** Well, she has to have a facet to her character

**Jeff:** Yeah

**Michael:** But I also love a character that has been violated and assaulted by violence but then doesn't get curtains

**Mark:** So, yeah. Her character getting curtains is like a plot point. Like that's the kind of movie *Windows* is, is like, I literally went, "Oh shit, she bought curtains!" Like, "Elizabeth is gonna be *so* mad!"

**Michael:** Putting her hands on the glass when she moves into the new apartment. I'm like, "Is this gonna be the rest of the movie?" It lasts so long, and I was like, kept waiting for the window to fall on her or for her to fall out the window

**Mark:** But that's the thing though. I love those slow dissolves

**Michael:** I mean it's beautiful!

**Mark:** In another movie, I would be like, "I am in love with this."

**Michael:** Yes! "Give me…"

**Mark:** "It's so beautiful."

**Jeff:** And then that telescope stuff is very--

**Mark:** Gorgeous!

**Jeff:** Again, Hitchcockian

**Michael:** It's a gorgeous movie

**Jeff:** You know, when we interviewed (Talia Shire) and the producer, man, I gotta tell you, she couldn't have been any sweeter. I was surprised that she came to the table for something like this

**Michael:** Good for her!

**Jeff:** And she…

**Mark:** Did you trick her?

**Jeff:** No! We didn't trick her. I was legitimately, genuinely-- you know, her and the producer were asking sort of, you know, why I was doing this, and I told them--

**Michael:** "Are you tricking us?"

**Jeff:** I mean, I wanted to give the movie at least a little bit of a chance. Also, look, we're a business so we wanted some sales. And it also never *had* a legit release, so it was like well, maybe there's something there. I know the numbers now and uh--

**(Everyone else laughs)**

**Jeff:** Mmm, yeah. I… mmmm

**Brennan:** But no, you did the general art of cinema a favor by giving a shot to this movie

**Nay:** Mmm-hmm

**Jeff:** That's good spin, I like that

**Brennan:** Yeah

**Jeff:** But you know what? On some levels, yes. We preserved, I guess, I dunno… I've tried to rationalize it in my head and I've seen the numbers and it's like, "*Yeah*. Well, but we tried."

**Brennan:** Nay, was this your first time watching this movie?

**Nay:** Yes

**Brennan:** What was your reaction?

**Nay:** Well, actually I have a question.

**Brennan:** Oh, okay, okay

**Nay:** No one has to answer this question

**Mark:** I bet it's (indistinct) straight

**Nay:** But a question that came up while watching this, one of them, is, "If you were sexually assaulted in your apartment tonight, could you afford to move and take time off work?"

**Michael:** In the next day?

**Nay:** Yeah

**Brennan:** Absolutely not

**Jeff:** Yeah

**Nay:** Right. Very few people's answers are yes

**Mark:** Extremely true

**Nay:** Yeah, you know

**Jeff:** But in this movie--

**Michael:** What did (Talia Shire) do?

**Jeff:** I thought she was still working at the place with her husband

**Michael:** That's her ex-husband

**Jeff:** That's her ex-husband

**Nay:** Mmm-hmm

**Mark:** Who's a fuckin' asshole

**Nay:** Yes

**Jeff:** She was like, "I need movers." And then--

**Michael:** "Send some guys from work." What did she do?

**Brennan:** What is her job?!

**Jeff:** Wasn't it librarian?

**Michael:** In that amazing opening shot, what are they walking through? I wanna know

**Jeff:** I don't know. Yeah

**Mark:** Two things. No idea what the hell she does. I was just like, "She's a librarian in peril."

**Michael:** "She answers phones." Yeah

**Mark:** And then the second thing early on in the movie that the movie seemed to get right was that Emily was clearly terrified to disclose--

**Nay:** Mmm-hmm

**Mark:** *Anything* about her assault, *even* to her ex-husband

**Nay:** Mmm-hmm

**Jeff:** Mmm-hmm

**Mark:** And that's one of the only (chuckling) sort of true to life details that *Windows* has and then *Windows* is like, "Ahh, real life is so boring! Let's go in this direction!"

**Jeff:** I do take back a statement that I just said earlier, that *Dressed to Kill* and *The Fan* (1980) and all of that have more salacious stuff. The opening of *Windows* is one of the more sleazier things I've seen in cinema

**Mark:** Yeah. It's up there

**Jeff:** It's very like, kind of like, this is *Ms. 45*, *I Spit on Your Grave* (1978), kind of *Maniac* (1980) really kind of--

**Mark:** Yeah

**Nay:** Mmm-hmm

**Jeff:** Can you imagine the few audience members that went in 1980, who are sitting there in the theater--

**Nay:** *UN-comfortable*

**Jeff:** First five minutes of the film going, "There's Adrian from *Rocky* being…"

**Michael:** Looking exactly like Adrian from *Rocky*

**Jeff:** "Sexually assaulted with a knife at her throat, in her mouth," and I mean it's just a really piggish opening. And then the movie doesn't stay on that sleazy vibe, but you're kind of just like, "*What?*" I just… yeah

**Mark:** Well that's the weird thing. I wonder if the movie would have, the sourness of that extended scene, my God the length of it just goes on and on

**Jeff:** Yeah

**Mark:** Had that shock of being a man coming into her apartment and shutting the door and it goes black and then *later*, cutting to later, and only hearing, you know, secondhand, the tape

**Jeff:** The tape

**Mark:** Only having to experience the experience *through* Talia Shire, you know, just having to sort of move past it, or doing what she can to sort of exist, which is sort of i.e. sort of, "I gotta get out of this apartment." Like, I wonder if that could-- I don't think that anything could save *Windows*, per se, but I wonder if the experience of *Windows* might have become like, *ten percent* more palatable?

**Michael:** There's something interesting to think about: Was *Windows* directed by someone who was too technically good?

**Jeff:** So…

**Michael:** Like if you had a trash bag of a director? And like, a cinematographer? Like maybe the movie would've been veered into that just trash cornucopia we were hoping for?

**Jeff:** I'm gonna go on a limb here and say that in the film industry, and I can only gather this, that there were probably a lot of cooks in the kitchen on this with the script. I can tell that just from the behind the scenes of the interviews. Producers, we all know egos can get in the way and stuff, and perhaps Gordon Willis, the director, was--

**Michael:** Who never directed another movie

**Jeff:** *Yeah*. Who said, who was told one thing about the film and that changed later

**Michael:** Got it

**Jeff:** And then it became a thing of, "Well, mmm, you know, you've already direct--," people sign contracts, there's money involved, there's all those kind of things where, you know, it starts off with a script. I mean, we put out *The Exorcist II* just last year--

**Nay:** (sotto voce) *Nice*

**Mark:** Oh man, that movie

**Jeff:** And I remember Linda Blair famously telling us about the original script for that movie that was just so not what it ended up being at the end. But when you do start getting into the studios and producing and contracts and whatever, you know, it rolls down the path. That's my only… defense? I think for Gordon Willis

**Mark:** I read a quote of Gordon Willis, saying briefly, because it was like, it was very difficult to find him saying *anything* about *Windows*

**Jeff:** Did you actually find something? *Wow*

**Michael:** One thing I read (indistinct)

**Mark:** Basically all he said was, you know, he basically talked about how, you know, he realized he was much happier as a technician.

**Jeff:** Mmm-hmm

**Mark:** And he said, "Being a director means getting calls from actors at two in the morning saying, "I don't know who I am.' That's not for me. That's not for me."

**Michael:** I read that too

**Jeff:** Ahhh, that's--

**Brennan:** I don't know who I they are either

**Mark:** And I was just like-- and I read that and I was like, "Oof. Oh my God, imagine Elizabeth," I'm just assuming it's Elizabeth Ashley, it could be Talia Shire

**Michael:** Could be Shire. (as Talia Shire) "Gordon…"

**Brennan:** Could be a conference call

**Mark:** She didn't seem super down-to-earth, but Elizabeth Ashley, I love her. I saw her do *Glass Menagerie* once, holy fucking shit she was amazing.

**Michael:** Oh my God

**Mark:** But can you just imagine her calling you and being like, (as Elizabeth Ashley) "Who am I in this? Where am I?"

**Jeff:** Yeah

**Nay:** I can a little bit

**Michael:** In her Lauren Bacall baritone?

**Mark:** Oh, God, and those plunging necklines she wears

**Brennan:** Oh my God, freshman year me in college was so jealous of those necklines

**Mark:** *I mean*…

**Nay:** But you're not jealous anymore because you *do* wear those necklines?

**Michael:** 'Cause he owns them now

**Brennan:** Honestly, I wish I did. I grew out of most of those tiny tiny t-shirts so I need to upgrade

**Nay:** Yeah, let's get you some more!

**Brennan:** I will! I want it to happen, I just, it's just not happening right now

**Nay:** Okay

**Brennan:** I regret it

**Brennan:** Okay, Nay, so now that *we* have the floor…

**Nay:** Yeah

**Brennan:** You're watching *Windows*...

**Nay:** Uh-huh

**Brennan:** The credits are rolling...

**Nay:** Yeah

**Brennan:** It's the end of the movie. What are you feeling in that moment?

**Nay:** I was like, "Oh shit, let me rewind it 'coz I clearly missed something. 'Cause it's over?" Yeah. And I did that *every* single time the movie ended. And you know I always have to go through movies three or four times before I come here and I felt that through the very end

**Brennan:** I'm so sorry

**Nay:** No, I like doing it. I like doing that

**Mark:** God bless you, 'cause…

**Nay:** I think it's-- I find myself feeling, you know, the word I don't like, "blessed", when I do things that I want to do. It's like this is a work of mine, this podcast, right? And it's like, how cool to do that for work, you know?

**Michael:** Yeah!

**Brennan:** Yes!

**Michael:** Right?

**Nay:** But that's what I was feeling when it was over. I was like, "Oh." I literally would be like, "Back up." Because...

**Michael:** Like, "What happened?"

**Nay:** There's just no--

**Jeff:** They just rushed it

**Michael:** It just kind of *ends*

**Nay:** *Yeah*

**Jeff:** She's like, "She wouldn't have hurt me." "Yes, she would've." End

**Nay:** And the end!

**Jeff:** That's literally the dialogue! It's just like--

**Michael:** And like there's the--

**Nay:** Which works in a book

**Jeff:** Yeah, I know. Oh! By the way--

**Mark:** You know Jenny the cat was like, "I beg to differ!"

**Nay:** Jenny was like, "Rrrowr!" Okay?

**Jeff:** By the way, speaking of books, this was actually made as a paperback tie-in.

**Mark:** *Ohhhh*

**Brennan:** *What?*

**Jeff:** I have it. I found it one time in a store, I was like, "They did *not* make a novel of this."

**Nay:** Like eighty blank pages…

**Jeff:** Yes

**Nay:** In the middle

**Jeff:** But it literally has their faces, "Now a major motion picture!" And all the stars' names. I was like, "Oh, yeah!"

**Nay:** Oh my God

**Michael:** Oh my God, what if it said, "Now a minor motion picture"?

**Brennan:** What if it's one of those flip books but every frame is just the same picture of Talia Shire against the window?

**Michael:** I would rather look at that book than watch the movie

**Jeff:** Oh my God

**Mark:** You know, I was (stammers) bored. I mean, although gently entertained by the cinematography but also bored

**Brennan:** (laughing) "Gently entertained"

**Jeff:** (amused) "Gently", that's funny

**Mark:** I wanna talk about Jenny the cat

**Michael:** Okay

**Mark:** Because clearly to me, I was like--

**Michael:** Most fleshed-out character in the film

**Mark:** Everything about *Windows* in terms of how it deals with female sexuality, sexuality in general, any kind of relationship is *incredibly* ham-handed

**Jeff:** Mmm-hmm

**Mark:** And I was just like, "Jenny the cat is the smartest character in this movie."

**Nay:** Absolutely

**Mark:** Jenny the cat meets, what's Elizabeth Ashley's…

**Michael:** Andrea. Bites her

**Mark:** Andrea Glassen

**Jeff:** Right. Andrea Glassen

**Mark:** Andrea Glassen. And Jenny the cat's like, "No, bitch!"

**Nay:** Mmm-hmm!

**Michael:** The cat knew what's up

**Mark:** And (Jenny the cat) scratches her and I was like, "This is Talia's like, pussy of wisdom…"

**Nay:** *Yes!*

**Mark:** "Fighting back."

**Brennan:** Andrea can't touch her pussy

**Mark:** Yes

**Nay:** Yeah

**Mark:** "Don't come for me."

**Michael:** "Don't try to touch my pussy. It's gonna bite you."

**Mark:** Right

**Jeff:** That's *very* interesting. I never thought about that, that's really…

**Nay:** Yeah, Jenny's that bitch, huh?

**Mark:** Yeah! And I mean, what a way to go

**Michael:** *Jenny* the cat! I fucking love it

**Mark:** What a way to go, by the way. I gotta say, I'm not a fan of the trope of like, "kill the dog, kill the cat"

**Michael:** I don't like it in lesbian murder

**Nay:** Right

**Mark:** I hated it. *However*, however, if you are going to have a death scene in a movie, I've seen way less entertaining death scenes than (laughing) Jenny the cat got in *Windows*

**Michael:** And then falling out of the freezer?

**Nay:** The thud. Oh, that thud

**Jeff:** The falling out and thudding on the floor, like a Banquet frozen dinner!

**Mark:** Like a bag of frozen peas!

**Brennan:** Jenny straight-up saw the basilisk before she died

**Mark:** Yes!

**Brennan:** She is twisted into this funhouse mirror contorted

**Michael:** It's awful

**Nay:** That open mouth

**Michael:** Yeah

**Mark:** It's so awful

**Michael:** She saw the Ring

**Mark:** It's *so* awful that there's nothing to do but laugh

**Jeff:** Yeah. You really--

**Michael:** It really is! I mean she's *literally* sitting on peas

**Jeff:** It's a laughable moment that you're *not* supposed to laugh at, and that is part of like, at that point in the movie you're just like, "Oh my God."

**Michael:** And that movie needed about a hundred more instances of that

**Nay:** Mmm-hmm

**Jeff:** Yeah, it definitely did

**Michael:** You know what? Spin off Jenny the cat

**Mark:** Yep

**Jeff:** Yeah

**Brennan:** Give her her own cartoon show?

**Michael:** Yeah! Like, "Jenny the Fighting Pussy"

**Nay:** (annoyed) *Mmkay*

**Mark:** She's rooting out the bad gays from the good gays. There you go

**Jeff:** My laughs in that movie come at the end with Andrea attacking Emily--

**Nay:** Ohh

**Jeff:** (as Andrea) "No! I didn't tell him to hurt you!" (normal voice) I don't know what was coming over Elizabeth Ashley in doing this, but it becomes so hysterical and over-the-top, she's mimicking her--

**Mark:** She regresses?

**Jeff:** She regresses. That made me laugh the first time I saw it because the rest of the movie was so, like, sloggish that I was like, "Is this a big punchline on me? This is *so* ridiculous." And I remember laughing and going, "*Wow*. This is a performance that I've never quite seen like this." And the slap is silly. All of it is just like--

**Mark:** (amused) The slap

**Michael:** I just wrote, "Cool slap," exclamation point

**Brennan:** "Cool slap, bro"

**Mark:** The slap. I think in a better movie, the turn of her being like, "Don't hurt me..."

**Jeff:** *Yes!*

**Mark:** It's interesting *in theory,* and that's about it. But, you know, that's-- oh! Can we talk about the fact that I just admire Andrea throwing up at her therapist's office?

**Michael:** Mmm-hmm

**Mark:** That is a power move

**Nay:** *Mmm-hmm!*

**Michael:** Never done that

**Mark:** Has anyone-- I mean like, to show up for your therapy appointment and to continuously leave the session to barf within earshot? That's how you know it's working

**Nay:** It's true

**Mark:** I'll tell you, that's--

**Nay:** I have, that-- mmm-hmmm

**Jeff:** It's interesting because again, like I said, obviously movies that came out after all these, you know, "bad gays" films, you know, they, *Making Love* came out two years later...

**Mark:** *Ohh!*

**Jeff:** To try to erase and sanitize and do, and then *Basic Instinct* came later and people were like, "Okay, you didn't learn your lesson," of course we would prove later. But you know, probably could have movies like *Windows* and *The Fan* (1980) and stuff a little bit more now because there has been *a lot* more gay characters in all sorts of forms of television shows and movies where they're just different content

**Mark:** I mean, people still bitch. They would

**Jeff:** But at the time, you didn't have such good role models or representations or it was just offensive, it was just so offensive

**Michael:** Well yeah! 'Cause it was essentially like, "Homosexuals are gonna kill you."

**Jeff:** *Totally!*

**Mark:** And they are, but we don't want straight people to know that

**Jeff:** (chuckling) Right!

**Nay:** Hell*o*

**Mark:** You know? It's like, "God. Keep it like hush-hush! Jesus!"

**Michael:** Did you know this movie was nominated for five Razzies?

**Brennan:** Was it really?

**Mark:** Oh yeah, it was like the top ones

**Jeff:** Oh yes, it was

**Brennan:** But *The Shining* (1980) won, so they really know what's up

**Mark:** Like *Silence of the Lambs* won everything at the Oscars

**Michael:** Worst Picture, yeah

**Mark:** The Big Five

**Jeff:** And with *Cruising* and all of those

**Michael:** And *The Shining* (1980) won

**Mark:** Wait. *What?!*

**Michael:** Yeah

**Brennan:** Yep

**Jeff:** For 1980? For what? Worst Picture?

**Michael:** Worst Picture, yeah. I'm pretty sure it did

**Jeff:** *No*. Didn't *Can't Stop the Music* or something?

**Michael:** *The Shining* (1980) was for sure nominated for Worst Picture

**Brennan:** I'm pretty sure it won

**Michael:** Hence the Razzies have always been terrible

**Brennan:** Yeah

**(Brennan plays a "brief clip of the lesbian ASMR dungeon" from the movie)**

**Brennan:** When I was getting clips for this, I started to feel really sad for Andrea

**Mark:** Mmm-hmm

**Nay:** *Okay*

**Brennan:** 'Cause look, I know--

**Michael:** They're having a "B" in it?

**Brennan:** No, coz look--

**Michael:** Oh, the character?

**Brennan:** Look, these movies are obviously bad representations of any sort of queer lifestyle

**Jeff:** Yes

**Brennan:** But if you're applying like a reading that the movie totally doesn't deserve, in the sense that she has feelings that she has had to ***crush*** within her, and this is the way they're leaking out, in the worst way possible. I feel like I related to her in those moments in the way-- I remember Nay bringing up in our *Sleepaway Camp* episode, talking about how Angela was kind of responding to her forced identity and kind of clamming up and lashing out. And it's not good, and this is not an accurate representation of how this kind of thing goes, but I was just *feeling* it when I was getting those clips and I was wondering if anyone else feels like that has any validity

**Jeff:** You know what? I'm gonna say that you're… I agree

**Brennan:** (chuckling) "Dot-dot-dot"

**Jeff:** If I wanna take out all the comedic and everything like that, there is something about someone clearly fixated on somebody else, that person isn't returning that love, that's the story that goes on so many levels. And there is a, we've all been there. Not in a "killing Jenny the cat" type of thing, but you know--

**Nay:** *Well…*

**Jeff:** Oh! But there is a sadness that, here's Andrea, who seemed like she was rich, attractive…

**Michael:** She bought a place like it (indistinct)

**Jeff:** She had two places, whatever, but she was incredibly lonely, her object of affection wasn't returned--

**Nay:** *Damn*

**Michael:** It's straight people's fault anyway

**Nay:** Yeah. Anyways

**Michael:** They told her she was wrong, society told her she was wrong

**Jeff:** Yeah. There is an empathy that comes into play but then you go back into like, "But you hired a taxicab driver to…"

**Brennan:** No, she's not a good person!

**Mark:** Yeah

**Jeff:** But there is a…

**Nay:** Context. We love context. I'm like, "Okay."

**Jeff:** Yes. If you wanted to look at it on that level, it is sad, I mean--

**Michael:** (laughing) I still love Mark, "How did that car ride go?"

**Mark:** "You know, I've been thinking… Hi! Um…"

**Michael:** This article says, "How the hell did Andrea find a sicko for such a job? Did she look through the Yellow Pages?"

**Mark:** Right! "Dear Craigslist…"

**Nay:** Right, there was no internet access

**Michael:** Was it Angie's List?

**Mark:** (chuckling) Angie's List

**Nay:** (softly) Angie's List

**Brennan:** Can we talk about how (Andrea's) telescope was the world's biggest strap-on?

**Michael:** *Ohhhhh*

**Jeff:** It's clearly a phallic symbol, like they made no bones about it. She's stroking it literally at one point watching Emily and it was like, "Okay."

**Michael:** It's fucking huge

**Nay:** Anything's a dildo if you're brave enough

**Mark:** (singing) *Episode title!*

**Brennan:** (as Andrea) "I want to see *everything!"*

**Michael:** (amused) "Dildo if you're brave enough."

**Mark:** I have a question. Have any of you guys stalked someone?

**Jeff:** No

**Nay:** Stalked?

**Mark:** I'm sure I used the word--

**Michael:** I'm sure I crossed the line, social media likely, you know?

**Mark:** So creeped

**Brennan:** Yes

**Jeff:** How 'bout fixated?

**Michael:** Or obsessed

**Nay:** Yes

**Jeff:** Fixated or fascinated?

**Brennan:** Okay

**Jeff:** I, you know…

**Michael:** Let me put it this way: I know I've had crushes in my past or gone on dates with guys where I was super into them and then like six months later I like, re-discover the communications and be like, "Oh my God, what were you thinking?"

**Jeff:** Mmmm, yes! Yes! Absolutely!

**Michael:** Yeah

**Jeff:** But there's been--

**Michael:** Never straight-up stalking though

**Jeff:** There's been like, I'm just, hey, I'll throw it out there. There's a guy that went to my gym recently, I don't know where it came from, it came out of the blue two months ago. I was like, "Whoa! Who is this guy?" And he always came in at the same time I did, and I was trying, "Are you straight, are you gay?" There's this whole sort of thing going on. I'm like, "Oh my God, why are you fixated on this guy?" And it was, y'know, a good-looking guy but not like--

**Nay:** It be like that sometimes

**Jeff:** I know! And I… worked out a little bit more, and worked out near him, just all this kind of stuff too, and we ended up nodding, smiling, talking or whatever and I learned that he took his kids to see *Dumbo* (2019) the other day and it was like, "Great. Well, we know what's happening there." But, yes. I think that it's natural to be attracted to somebody and--

**Michael:** Unhealthily attracted, is that a good way to put it?

**Jeff:** But like, there's a difference. I wasn't--

**Michael:** *That* situation

**Jeff:** Going, following him home or I wasn't like, you know, I wasn't…

**Mark:** I just wish someone--

**Jeff:** It made me work out at the gym a little bit more, and it was kind of nice to, you know, have some nice eye candy to motivate

**Mark:** Yeah

**Jeff:** And you move on. That's a healthy, y'know

**Mark:** I just wish someone had told Andrea, you know, "Have you tried bumping into her at Whole Foods?"

**Nay:** Sell her some organic cat food. Be like, "Hey, have you tried this?"

**Mark:** Yeah

**Michael:** "I notice Jenny comes to the store with you all the time."

**Nay:** Right. This would help her. You know, I feel like in my younger days--

**Mark:** Ask about her cat

**Michael:** Yeah

**Mark:** Yeah

**Nay:** There are many ways she could have gone about that, for sure

**Mark:** She really kind of leapt all the way to kind of "Option Z"

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** She was her neighbor, right? So she knew her

**Jeff:** Yeah

**Brennan:** She's something. She existed

**Michael:** Or did she like, rent the closet (indistinct)

**Jeff:** But then she orchestrated that weird attack where the guy attacks her a second time through the door, so she's--

**Michael:** So she could save her

**Nay:** Yeah! How much you have to pay someone to let--

**Michael:** Generally ruin your arm?

**Nay:** Let you like, bash the fuck out of it?

**Jeff:** Okay, stupidest scene in the film we haven't talked about is a scene where Talia Shire gets in *to* the cab, discovers that the cab driver is not a police person

**Mark:** And the cops tell her--

**Michael:** This is not police protocol

**Mark:** "You know what? Get back in the cab."

**Jeff:** And then she goes out,  calls the police and they tell her, "Get back in the car." I'm like, "No. Mm-mm. Are you kidding."

**Michael:** That's not police protocol

**Nay:** Bro. No.

**Jeff:** Can you believe that?

**Nay:** Yes.

**Jeff:** I mean--

**Nay:** They're like, "You're a woman. We don't care about you at all."

**Jeff:** (laughing) "At *allllll!"*

**Nay:** "Get back in the car."

**Mark:** And Talia's like, (as Talia Shire) "All right."

**Nay:** She, she does what she's told the whole movie, basically

**Mark:** Oh my God

**Nay:** She just does what she's told

**Michael:** Yeah, if Andrea had just approached her, said, "I can be your dom." She's like, "Okay."

**Mark:** Well, here's the thing. The one thing the movie got right early on was that (Emily) didn't want to discuss her assault, right? But then she moves into a new place where not only does she not put up curtains, she doesn't lock her door, she doesn't, you know what I mean? Listen, people respond to trauma in all kinds of different ways.

**Michael:** Correct

**Mark:** *However*, you know, but I was like, g*osh!* If this is this movie's idea of a meet cute, which is to be romanced by the supervising detective of your sexual assault case, I was like, I dunno if I really buy into this as like, I was like, I'm not sure if this feels okay even remotely. Talia Shire walks through this entire movie just sort of from scene to scene, seeming like she's realizing this was all a big mistake

**Michael:** I'm willing to bet when they made the movie they thought that the detective was an upstanding gentleman

**Mark:** Oh, *completely*!

**Michael:** That his character was like the classy, chivalrous guy, when he's just dirt

**Jeff:** *Yeah*

**Mark:** Yeah, and he's looking at her going, "She had a knife to her throat and she recorded the world's worst podcast…"

**Michael:** "You're an easy get."

**Mark:** You know, "I'm gonna take her for spaghetti." Like, what the fuck?

**Michael:** Yeah. (softly) "Spaghetti."

**Nay:** You know...

**Jeff:** "Spaghetti." I love it

**Mark:** It's so fucked!

**Nay:** You really can't look into why men do the things they do,  like, what makes them ask women out

**Mark:** Well I've tried!

**Jeff:** Yeah

**Nay:** You'll be like, "Really? Right now? That's when you're asking me out? Or that-- okay."

**Michael:** Yeah, "When you were pukin' in the roses."

**Jeff:** Right right right

**Nay:** Yes. All righty

**Brennan:** I have a very easy question

**(Everyone else laughs)**

**Michael:** Nay just wiped her mouth

**Brennan:** It was beautiful and disgusting and I loved every minute of it. It lasted for twelve minutes

**Michael:** Wait, what?

**Nay:** Wait, what?

**Brennan:** I made it up. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm tired. Anyway! Please don't fire me!

**Mark:** (fey voice) Cut that

**Jeff:** I had to look up, of course, the Razzie winners for 1980

**Michael:** Oh yeah

**Brennan:** Oh yeah

**Jeff:** Worst Picture, what made me laugh is that *Windows* did not win, but *Can't Stop the Musi*c, which we are putting out in January did win, so

**Mark:** Oh my God

**Michael:** Who beat Talia Shire?

**Jeff:** Let's see… Worst Actor was Neil Diamond for *The Jazz Singer* (1980)

**Brennan:** Well…

**Jeff:** Worst Actress was Brooke Shields, *The Blue Lagoon*

**Nay and Michael:** (gasps)

**Jeff:** Worst Director was Robert Greenwald for *Xanadu*

**Michael:** Okay

**Jeff:** That's amazing

**Mark:** *Wow,* what a Golden age for bad movies

**Michael:** What about supporting actress, was that…?

**Jeff:** Supporting Actress was Amy Irving in *Honeysuckle Rose*. I never saw that one

**Michael:** And what was Worst Screenplay?

**Jeff:** Worst Screenplay was *Can't Stop the Music*

**Mark:** Yeah

**Jeff:** Boy, I am so excited we're putting that one out in June!

**Mark:** I mean, *Can't Stop the Music* is really the Hindenburg of musical movies

**Michael:** Oh my God

**Jeff:** You know what? I just watched it recently, because we're putting it out, and first of all, it looks fantastic on Blu-ray because it's just *color* and *color* and *color* and disco and just gayness all over the place

**Mark:** Insane

**Jeff:** And I just looked at this movie and I was like, "*Ohhh* boy. It's the gayest out of all the… *Xanadu, The Apple*, *Skatetown U.S.A.*, *Roller Boogie*, it was like, 'Yep this was the film that killed disco.'"

**Jeff:** Did we just end *Windows* on *Can't Stop the Music*? Though I feel like…

**Brennan:** How 'bout we end it on my favorite moment of exposition from the movie

**Michael:** Oh! Do tell

**(Brennan plays a clip from the movie)**

**STEVEN:** Listen Emily, I'm having difficulty with...

**EMILY:** Steven, we're getting a divorce

**Brennan:** Thanks for letting me know, Talia Shire! I'm sure he wasn't aware

**Nay:** I mean, he acts like he's unaware

**Brennan:** True

**Nay:** It's like, "Do you remember that you ain't my man no more? Stop acting like you are."

**Michael:** God, this movie y'all

**Jeff:** I have to tell you of a newfound perspective on this movie because of this podcast completely. Just little things, there were a lot of things you guys said that I was like, "Oh my God, that is just too funny." I wish I had a--

**Mark:** Like Jenny the cat being the Seed of all female wisdom?

**Jeff:** Just, that was her pussy. An extension. Oh my God, that's so obvious!

**Nay:** Yeah, you wanna be cold wit' it? Got something for you!

**Mark:** Yeah, you know Andrea was like, "I'm gonna put that pussy on ice."

**Brennan:** *Oh!*

**Mark:** I'm sorry. Can we cut that?

**Brennan: *No!***

**Michael:** Jenny. The cat

**Jeff:** Ohh my God, I hope the producer never hears this podcast. We all get a call…

**Michael:** I hope he does

**Nay:** He probably won't

**Jeff:** "You lied." I'll be like, "Hey, I promoted the movie. Uh…"

**Brennan:** Yeah, no, look. To smooth over your PR nightmare that is this episode...

**Jeff:** Nah, it's fine. It's totally fine. I take full responsibility

**Brennan:** I do wanna check out those interviews on that disc--

**Nay:** Oh yeah

**Brennan:** Because I really wanna know what's happening with this movie

**Jeff:** They're fascinating. They're lengthy, too. This isn't just like five minutes, "Oh, we did the movie," and we're done. It's like we *really* go into what the movie could have been, what the motivation was, they talk about the controversy. We made sure to ask the right questions on this

**Brennan:** The meaty stuff

**Jeff:** Yeah. Because if you're gonna have one shot to talk about this *odd* film that is an interesting footnote in LGBTQ history, you might as well ask. And they were open to do it. That, I applaud them for doing. Not everybody that we--

**Mark:** Did anyone was like, "Why did you do the movie?" They were like (southern accent) "I hate dykes! I hate 'em! Ahhh, I just hate 'em! ***No dykes! Rahhhhh!!***"

**Jeff:** That's very funny

**Mark:** No?

**Michael:** No, that's not it

**Mark:** No? Okay

**Jeff:** I would say that when a movie is good and well-received, it's always easier to get talent to come to the table and talk about how good the movie was or their experience. When the movie is a misfire or it's misunderstood or it's a bomb or whatever, whenever we have the talent to come in and talk about those? I'm *actually* more fascinated on that level

**Michael:** Absolutely!

**Nay:** Oh yeah!

**Mark:** Yeah

**Jeff:** Because it's like, you *have* the, this is your chance to explain, for the record, have some posterity. There's *something* there and I actually give it up to the participants of not just *Windows*-- we've had some, look, I've had Pia Zadora and *The Lonely Lady*, so--

**Mark:** *Ohhh*, *God!* Oh, God! Immortal if only for the best award show scene ever--

**Jeff:** Oh yeah yeah yeah

**Mark:** She wins like, Best Screenplay, and she gets up there. She looks at everyone in the crowd and she goes, "I guess I'm not the *only* person in here who had to fuck their way to the top!" And then she says, "I don't want this Oscar!" And she *leaves! It's fantastic!*

**Jeff:** And that movie *swept* the Razzies in 1983, in all categories

**Mark:** *Goddamit*, that is a movie

**Michael:** You okay, Nay? Toasty?

**Nay:** I don't know, I just, all of a sudden my face is like a thousand degrees

**Mark:** I'll just talk about *Windows*

**(Everyone else laughs)**

**Michael:** Jenny the cat!

**Mark:** Right

**Brennan:** I think that's probably a good cue to wrap up so we can go get some fresh air

**Mark:** We all better put our faces in the freezer

**Michael:** Along with kitties!

**Mark:** Mmm-hmm

**Michael:** We'll miss you, Mark!

**Mark:** Thank you! I'm gonna miss you guys, too. And I will pop in any time I possibly can, if you'll have me

**Michael:** Okay, yeah

**Mark:** Maybe you guys'll be like, "No, we're good."

**Brennan:** We'll tell you the wrong address

**Michael:** "We're recording at Blumhouse this week, but we're all here."

**Mark:** Yeah (laughs)

**Michael:** Brennan!

**Brennan:** Yes

**Michael:** Good lead!

**Nay:** Yeah

**Brennan:** Thank you

**Mark:** Nice work

**Brennan:** I usually handwrite all my notes, but I typed them out this time--

**Michael:** Ooooh!

**Brennan:** 'Cause I was like, "This is my first day at school and I wanna impress all of you."

**Michael:** A-plus!

## **Previous Episode**

Episode 29: “Baby’s First Podcast” (w/ Ben Baur!)

## **Next Episode**

Episode 31: "The Gays And Their Hats” (w/ Ayesha Harris!)