FILE 33-34: The Muse of the Elephant/The Elephant in the Room

[STATIC]

[CLARITY]

**ELIJAH**

Testing… testing… hello! The good word today is being recorded for posterity. Let generations of future Lovers of the Muse look back upon this day in all of its glory! The crimson moon sits full for us tonight on its throne in the black sky… it’s a sign — that the universe is as excited as the rest of us. The new order dawns tonight!

Dear friends! You stand at the base of a tower you worked together to build, surrounded by gifts which you all donated to the sacred cause. You have already sacrificed and shouldered burden in the name of our Muse — all Summer, you have been doing your part for our holy mission! But now’s the time to make it official. Friends, I bid you join me in our holy cry: OUR MUSE! OUR MUSE! OUR MUSE! OUR MUSE!

[THE CROWD FOLLOWS, THEN BURSTS INTO RAUCOUS CLAPPING AND CHEERING]

This world we live in, dear friends, dear followers… it is vengeful. Death and pain bears down upon us from all sides — the clouds strike us where we stand, the rivers flood our homes, the smoke chokes our lungs, the bees feast upon us… every day is a living fucking nightmare! And it seems that none of us ever learn… no matter how many times we watch our companions get struck down by the angry skies or swept up in the raging waters, our ways do not change. We just pray to the creatures of the forest and pretend they’re listening; they aren’t! And we cry and laugh as much as we can… but no amount of tears has ever stopped the clouds from curdling into tornadoes. It’s not working, my friends. It’s not working!

But I have the answer! I can save you! I can show you the way to be spared and forgiven by this life… would you like to know the secret?

[CHEERING AND CLAPPING; SOUNDS OF AFFIRMATION]

It’s love, my friends. The secret is to dredge up all the mushy red meat of your tired heart and set it alight with passion for the one thing in this wretched world which deserves it. The secret is to love… Our Muse.

**CROWD**

OUR MUSE!!!!!!!

**ELIJAH**

Here next to me, atop our tower, rests the Muse himself — our true love, asleep… the perfect picture of beauty. Here — our salvation is here! Witness him! Know him! Adore him! Bow to your knees and praise the Muse, and you will never again have your flesh torn by the ravenous Earth!

**CROWD**

OUR MUSE! OUR MUSE! OUR MUSE! OUR MUSE!

**ELIJAH**

Excellent. You’ve caught on quickly, my cattle… you’re even more enthusiastic than I could have hoped. This ceremony is going to be *fun*.

[*Ahem*] I have in my hands these sacred texts, delivered by the Muse himself, from which I will read aloud and reveal the Truth to you all. You, my loyal disciples, will set this pyre of borrowed sentiment alight, and as your sleeping Muse is wreathed in passionate flame, you will bow. As the words of the Architect ring out in the voice of the Prophet, you will dance. As the Muse is immortalized through eternal slumber, you will love him. You. Will. Love! Our! Muse!

**Crowd**

OUR MUSE!!

**ELIJAH**

Now, friends… I will remove —

**JEDIDIAH**

[*Voice rising through the crowd*] Wait!

**ELIJAH**

Too late to stop me, you quack!

**JEDIDIAH**

You have no idea what you’re doing!

**ELIJAH**

Quiet! I will now remove my mask. Prepare, followers… a vigor will flow through your veins such as you have never known…

[SILENCE]

**JEDIDIAH**

…You…

**ELIJAH**

ME!

[THE BACKGROUND NOISE PICKS UP AGAIN.]

**JEDIDIAH**

How — why are *you* — here? Doing this?

**ELIJAH**

Why am I here? Dear Architect, I never left!

**JEDIDIAH**

I… What?

**ELIJAH**

You thought I would just abandon him? Haha. You thought I was like you?

**JEDIDIAH**

…I never… abandoned him.

**ELIJAH**

Didn’t you?

**JEDIDIAH**

I didn’t! For years — and years, everything I’ve done has been… for him. About him.

**ELIJAH**

You lieeeee, Architect. You lie to my whole congregation, to my Muse! And I’m so sorry, my little loves, that you must stand for this scandalous libel…

**JEDIDIAH**

You can’t hold him hostage over a barbecue pit and tell me I don’t care about his wellbeing!

[THE CROWD GASPS]

**ELIJAH**

…Fighting words. Let’s check your claims against those of the gospel, hmm?

**JEDIDIAH**

…and what constitutes the gospel?

**ELIJAH**

My word. 🙂 [*He cackles*]

[THE AUDIENCE CHEERS.]

**ELIJAH**

Settle down, little loves; listen closely and let it be known that on the very day of deliverance, on the first beautiful morning after that terrible night, I saw this man stand and turn his back on our muse.

**JEDIDIAH**

Wh — are you — ?

**ELIJAH**

In that moment he was perfect, our Muse, prone as he was upon the forest floor — the light through the leaves, it dappled his shape, casting each curve and angle in glorious relief — his eyes were still closed, he was still blissfully, peacefully unaware; and yet a glimmer of life had been restored — his figure again healthy, his soft cheeks again red with the push of his blood. And Jedidiah Martin, the traitor, the temptor, he looked upon our muse in this perfect state — he saw him — and then he stood — and he walked away.

**JEDIDIAH**

You — cannot — possibly —

**ELIJAH**

And he repeats this ritual by the year! Every Summer, when his work at the camp is done, he leaves to see the big wide world. Ten months, he spends away, off where no one can find him, and he leaves our muse behind to stew in vile awareness; to rot, all alone, in this place where She keeps him like a prison. But I — remain I have, and remain I will. Though his temptor may have left him behind, our muse was never truly alone. I was always here… to watch him. To have him. To know his beauty in a way our poor Architect never will.

[THERE IS SILENCE FOR A MOMENT]

**JEDIDIAH**

You motherfucker!

[THE CROWD GASPS]

**ELIJAH**

Language!

**JEDIDIAH**

Fuck yourself!

**ELIJAH**

There are kids here!

**JEDIDIAH**

You think you’re some, some kind of — paragon of divine truth — God damn it, you don’t know anything! You don’t understand a single thing about what you’ve seen, you don’t know anything about me, and you know the least about Sydney!

[THE CROWD RATTLES AND COOS]

**ELIJAH**

settle down, my little loves, settle down! This man is beloved by our poor, misguided muse… he has earned the right to speak his mind.

**JEDIDIAH**

call him by his Goddamn name!

**ELIJAH**

So he says I know nothing — (*He chuckles*) perhaps this may be true! The clocks tell me things I cannot know… but we won’t be suffering in ignorance for very long. I have the texts…

[THE CROWD ROARS AS ELIJAH WHIPS OUT THE JOURNAL]

**JEDIDIAH**

[*Deadly serious, utterly horrified*] Oh my God.

**ELIJAH**

[*Laughing*]

**JEDIDIAH**

[*Voice shaking*] How — did you get that journal?

**ELIJAH**

A gift from our muse, given with love…!

**JEDIDIAH**

Okay, listen, this is not a game anymore. You can’t read that. *You cannot read that.*

**ELIJAH**

[*More laughter*]

**JEDIDIAH**

Especially not out loud, do you hear me!? You will die. Everyone here will die!

**ELIJAH**

Ho, threats of violence? I think we’ve heard enough from you, now. [HE SNAPS HIS FINGERS] Congregation… get him away from the Pyre, please?

**JEDIDIAH**

[*Struggling as the crowd washes over him; he is not audible*] No — you — don’t understand! I’m not threatening you, I’m warning you — it’s dangerous — ! Christ, please! The kids, don’t let them listen — ! Sydney! Fuck, Sydney, can you hear me right now? The kids are in danger!

**ELIJAH**

Silence! Congregants, light the pyre! I shall commence with reading.

[HE CLEARS HIS THROAT AS A FIRE IS LIT AND THE DANCING BEGINS. THE SOUNDS OF THE CEREMONY FADE AWAY AS HE READS.]

*AUGUST 24, 2019*

*Every time I went to check up on Sydney, the same nurse was there to greet me. Very tall and thin man, blonde, Slavic features — you know. Pointy. He reminded me of a neighbor I had when I was a kid, the type of boy who would kidnap salamanders from the stream and tear off their little limbs. This nurse always had a salamander-dismembering look on his face. Also, the whitest teeth I’d ever seen on a real person. Like a movie star. Very strange.*

*Don’t get me wrong; I wasn’t just judging the man by his looks. What really put me off was the fact that the white-toothed man was the only nurse I ever saw in Sydney’s room. I was there often enough that I really should have seen at least one other person taking care of him. There was no way this weird guy was assigned to Sydney around the clock; that’s not how hospitals work. But as far as I ever saw, he was the only nurse who ever went into that room while Sydney was being kept there. God knows why. Maybe the guy was messing with the schedule himself somehow, but, I mean, if that’s the case, then he got away with that for four whole months. Which is absurd.*

*…Well, it doesn’t matter anymore.*

*The nurse’s behavior also stood out. He had this tendency to… hover at Sydney’s bedside. At first I was relieved that Sydney had such an attentive nurse, but it quickly started to unsettle me. It wasn’t like Sydney’s condition ever changed, so there was no reason for a nurse to stand vigil like that. More than once I walked in on him leaning in close to Sydney’s face, just… leering. And while he was extremely polite to me with his words, it seemed like he would… try to stop me, sometimes, when I tried to get close to Sydney; he’d move so he was always in my way, and if I actually made it to Sydney’s bed then he’d inch in close so he could breathe down my neck. Sometimes he wouldn’t even let me into the room. He’d just stand there, taking up the whole doorway, pretending he didn’t understand why I wasn’t just walking on in. It was extremely frustrating and extremely weird behavior from a person who didn’t even know Sydney before his coma.*

*At least, I’m pretty certain that the man didn’t know Sydney before he was hospitalized. That’s the sort of thing you’d think I would know about, but I guess I was so distant by then that he probably could have befriended a creepy nurse without me noticing.*

*…Can’t ask him now, I guess…*

[THE SOUNDS OF THE CEREMONY FADE BACK INTO FOCUS]

**ELIJAH**

…Ouhh… this is a… a heady read, congregants. I… I see you all feel the… *effect* as well.

[HE BREATHES IN AND OUT TO STEADY HIS HEART.]

Do not stop dancing…! I will read an earlier passage… perhaps it will be easier to… process…

[CEREMONY FADES OUT]

*AUGUST 9, 2018*

*I am beginning to think I may have broken into Sydney’s dorm for nothing. The “magic” he describes in the journals I acquired would be absolutely inadequate for affecting the kind of direct and tangible change I’m trying to achieve. It’s this sort of spiritual art of using your thoughts and feelings to affect the world in indirect ways. Basically, it’s stuff that a lot of people believe in without considering it magic, with effects that are easy to dismiss as coincidence. I’d barely consider it magic. Moreover, it would be inadequate to explain the stuff that I know Sydney could do.*

*There has to be a piece missing. Some information about his practice that Sydney either did not write down, or kept somewhere secret. I’ll keep poring over the information I have to see if I missed any hints… in the meantime, I’m working on trying to frame this stuff in a way I can more easily wrap my mind around. If I can format incantations like lines of code…*

[CEREMONY FADES IN]

**ELIJAH**

Oumjh… my — my heart… [*He clears his throat*] Excuse me, my loves, the text… it’s… I suppose information of this divine pedigree would be difficult for mortal hearts to handle. No — keep dancing! Do not falter! Hold your nerve! The ceremony must be held; the truth must be heard! I will read again…

[CEREMONY FADES OUT]

*OCTOBER 2, 2018*

*I got it wrong.*

*For months, I’ve been trying to figure out how to “heal” him. Undo the damage. There’s a lifetime of stress that has exacerbated his latent illness to this point — I’ve been trying to undo that, too. Hoping I could find, in the esoteric and occult that he so strongly believed in, a way to hack the science of medicine and make a sick person un-sick.*

*That’s gotten me nowhere, and he’s getting worse every day. I need to change tack. And honestly, I should’ve realized this years ago. It would’ve been good for my career.*

*I’m not a medicine man. I’m an engineer. I don’t heal people. I fix broken machines.*

*And what’s the first thing you do with a machine that isn’t working right?*

*You turn it off and back on again.*

[CEREMONY FADES IN]

**ELIJAH**

Augh… my followers… ! Keep dancing! Just because the text is — a challenge — this ceremony is not over! Listen — all of you — what are you just standing around for? What’s that look supposed to mean? I — listen to the word!

[THIS TIME, THE CEREMONY DOES NOT FADE OUT AS ELIJAH STRUGGLES THROUGH THE FINAL PARAGRAPH, AN ACT WHICH CLEARLY CAUSES HIM PAIN.]

*OCTOBER 21… 2018*

*I’ve successfully… performed… a transformative ritual… on a pig from the anatomy lab… I… believe… I…*

[ELIJAH IS BREATHING HEAVILY. THE CROWD IS SILENT]

**ELIJAH**

Ack… congregants… do you feel this… the pain… as well…? Do not — do not abandon me — the truth was always going to be burdensome — ! Please… don’t stop dancing! I… I… I must…

October 30th… 2018…

[SHUFFLING]

Ah — my Muse!? Wh-Whaa!

**SYDNEY**

[*Grunting*] Nn-!

[ELIJAH SLIPS AS HE IS PUSHED OFF THE PYRE]

[THE GRANDFATHER CLOCK CHIMES 12 TIMES IN SILENCE]

[CEREMONY FADES BACK]

**JEDIDIAH**

Sydney!

**SYDNEY**

[*Sounds of coughing and wheezing*]

**ELIJAH**

[*He is close to tears as he struggles to remain conscious*] Wh— my Muse, you pushed me!? How could you!?

**SYDNEY**

Don’t call me that! [*Coughing*] I hope you die!

**ELIJAH**

Y—You… traitor! The ceremony… the congregants… how… I…

**JEDIDIAH**

Hey. Check this out.

**ELIJAH**

[*He gasps*] A mirror — you — N—NOOOOAAAIIIEUUEUHCKG —

**ELIJAH**

[*He begins speaking extremely frantically, hyperventilating, all frenzy, his accent on full display*] YOU — THE — YOU — I’LL KILL YOU — WHY AREN’T YOU DEAD!? MY MUSE — WHY AREN’T YOU DEAD!? MY MUSE — MY HEART! MY HEART! MY HEART — IT’S SCREAMING — SCREAMING — SCREAMING — MY HEART —

[CHIME]

**JEDIDIAH**

SYDNEY! STAY AWAKE! CAN YOU GET DOWN FROM THERE? PUT THE FIRE OUT! HELP ME GET SYDNEY!

[STATIC]

[STATIC]

[CLOCK TICKING]

**JEDIDIAH**

…Ah. You’re awake.

**SYDNEY**

…Where’s the Elphant Man? Where’s — Elijah?

**JEDIDIAH**

[*Sigh*] Well, we were right about the mirror. I got him out of his mind, and everyone sort of shook off his spell, and we managed to bring him into camp. But… [*Both nervous and annoyed*] hhhhh… uhm. Lucille was supposed to keep him detained and everything, while I took care of you, aaaaaand… he escaped.

**SYDNEY**

Ahh…

**JEDIDIAH**

Yeah.

**SYDNEY**

And the journals?

**JEDIDIAH**

(*Sigh*) They’re gone.

**SYDNEY**

Gone like… [REALIZING THE IMPLICATIONS; HE TRIES TO SIT UP BUT IT HURTS] like he — augh — he took them?

**JEDIDIAH**

Don’t — don’t strain, I — bumped you up a bit trying to get you down from the pyre. It’s… gonna hurt for a while.

**SYDNEY**

Auhhh…

**JEDIDIAH**:

I don’t think he has them. I went looking, and I found some burnt pages where it all went down. I think they’re… I think they’re *gone* gone. Destroyed.

**SYDNEY**

That’s… good, then?

**JEDIDIAH**

[*sigh*] Yeah. I don’t know… I worry that keeping it all in the journal is the only thing that lets me… keep it all in my mind. The stuff everyone else forgets. But… y’know…

**SYDNEY**

…Auuugh… it really does hurt. You suck.

**JEDIDIAH**

At least you aren’t dead.

**SYDNEY**

…Um… About that…

**JEDIDIAH**

Right. Here it comes.

**SYDNEY**

I am dead… aren’t I?

**JEDIDIAH**

No. Not… really.

**SYDNEY**

Not really.

**JEDIDIAH**

No, not really.

**SYDNEY**

Please use plain terms.

**JEDIDIAH**

…Okay. I’m going to say this one time… and it’s really going to suck. But at this point, I feel 99% sure it won’t kill you, so… in October 2018, you died.

**SYDNEY**

[SHUDDERS HORRIBLY]

**JEDIDIAH**

I know. I know. I’m sorry. I brought you back. You’re fine now. That’s all.

**SYDNEY**

H… How? Did you do that?

**JEDIDIA**

…Honestly, I don’t remember all the details…

**SYDNEY**

How did I die?

**JEDIDIAH**

I really… don’t think I should tell you anything else, Sydney. This information… resists being known. And if anyone besides me really understands — what the deal is — they… end. I learned that the hard way.

**SYDNEY**

That’s how your father…

**JEDIDIAH**

That’s how my father.

**SYDNEY**

I’m so sorry.

**JEDIDIAH**

Yeah.

**SYDNEY**

…But I still don’t really get it.

**JEDIDIAH**

What don’t you get?

**SYDNEY**

You barely talked to me at all for three years just because you were afraid I’d learn — anything? That doesn’t make sense…

**JEDIDIAH**

It wasn’t just that. Sydney…

**SYDNEY**

What?

**JEDIDIAH**

Can you — hold my hand?

**SYDNEY**

Yes.

**JEDIDIAH**

…your death was my fault.

**SYDNEY**

[SHUDDERS]

**JEDIDIAH**

Shhh. Shh. I’m sorry. It’s over. You know it and it’s over. Listen… the things I did to you… both the stuff that killed you and the stuff that saved you… horrified me. I was horrified by what I made you. I couldn’t cope. You became this… walking reminder of everything that had gone wrong in my life. So I avoided you… I… I avoided myself. And I’m sorry. And that’s still kind of… that might still be something I have to work through. Somehow. But… but we’ll work through it together. Together. Because I’m nothing without you, Sydney, I really am. I’m the ugliest, emptiest nothing.

[SYDNEY STAYS SILENT]

**SYDNEY**

I’m so unsatisfied!

**JEDIDIAH**

I know. I know.

**SYDNEY**

I need the details!!

**JEDIDIAH**

I knowwwwww… I’m sorry. I know this doesn’t feel like a resolution. I want you to be on the same page as me, but… it’s so scary, trying to explain anything to you. I — honestly, everything I just told you, I… ran it by Elijah first…

**SYDNEY**

Wait. What?

**JEDIDIAH**

While he was still being detained by Lucille, I — sat him down and told him… a bunch of stuff from my perspective. Stuff I wanted to tell you.

**SYDNEY**

To make sure it wasn’t deadly to hear??

**JEDIDIAH**

Yeah. Yeah, he was kind of funny about it. He was like, “the gospel as writ by the devil!” Like —

**SYDNEY**

Wait. Wait, wait.

**JEDIDIAH**

Mm?

**SYDNEY**

So we’re just gonna gloss over the fact that you could have killed Elijah?

**JEDIDIAH**

Well, preferably, yes.

**SYDNEY**

[*Kind of laughing*] You’re a supervillain!

**JEDIDIAH**

It’s just science, it’s — y’know, before they roll out the new drug to the people, they gotta test it on the rats.

**SYDNEY**

And you don’t feel bad for those poor rats?

**JEDIDIAH**

The Elephant Man is lower than a rat, he’s a person who — tried to kill you, might I remind you!

**SYDNEY**

I don’t think he really wanted to do that.

**JEDIDIAH**

He put you on a lit pyre!

**SYDNEY**

It was a ritual.

**JEDIDIAH**

Hey, I’m sure you don’t remember much of his sermon, but that stuff about putting you to sleep was pretty opaque —

**SYDNEY**

He didn’t understand it as ending my life. He wanted to make me immortal. Just like you.

**JEDIDIAH**

Hey… Sydney, you’re… it’s kind of scary how willing you are to defend him.

**SYDNEY**

Well… I find it kind of scary how willing you are to kill him.

**JEDIDIAH**

I guess we’re both… dangerous people, in our ways.

**SYDNEY**

If you say so.

**JEDIDIAH**

But there’s something kind of sexy about that, though, right?

**SYDNEY**

[*Laughing with shock*] Jedidiah!

**JEDIDIAH**

[*Kind of laughing too*] In a — in a conceptual way.

**SYDNEY**

What are you talking about!?

**JEDIDIAH**

Who doesn’t like a little danger in a relationship?

**SYDNEY**

I mean, you. Clearly. Based on everything you’ve said and done the whole time I’ve known you.

**JEDIDIAH**

It’s — y’know, fear and excitement, two sides of the same coin. Suffering and satisfaction. We’ve all got some crossed wires.

**SYDNEY**

[*Laughter dies down]* …so, um… you just said “in a relationship.”

**JEDIDIAH**

…uhhh. Yeah. Well. Yeah.

**SYDNEY**

Are we…? In a relationship?

**JEDIDIAH**

…You know I want to be.

**SYDNEY**

But…?

**JEDIDIAH**

…I mean, do you really feel like I’ve earned it?

**SYDNEY**

Jedidiah Abraham Adonais Martin. If you’re going to choose not to date me, after all this, for the sole reason that you don’t deserve it —

**JEDIDIAH**

Okay! Okay! I’m sorry!

**SYDNEY**

You have to stop thinking that way, Jeddie. For my sake if not for your own. We both want it… so seriously. Why shouldn’t it happen?

**JEDIDIAH**

Okay. Okay.

**SYDNEY**

Okay.

**JEDIDIAH**

Sydney… October Sargent.

[SYDNEY GOES QUIET.]

**JEDIDIAH**

…will you go out with me?

**SYDNEY**

…no one’s ever asked me that before.

**JEDIDIAH**

I know.

**SYDNEY**

Not even Elijah.

**JEDIDIAH**

Yeah.

**SYDNEY**

Not even you.

**JEDIDIAH**

Hey, so, like, do I get an answer?

**SYDNEY**

Mm… [*Imitating Jedidiah*] I’ll think about it. I’m just tired.

**JEDIDIAH**

[*He scoffs*] Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay.

**SYDNEY**

I have to work on my… project.

**JEDIDIAH**

Right. That’s fine. Let it out.

**SYDNEY**

I have to cry over a picture of you in my office alone. My — my sobs are synced up with the ticking of my… many beautiful clocks.

**JEDIDIAH**

[*Laughing a little*] Jesus. No holds barred.

**SYDNEY**

[*Giggling*]

**JEDIDIAH**

It’s okay. It’s — this is justice.

**SYDNEY**

[*Laughter dies]* … Yes, Jedidiah… I will go out with you.

**JEDIDIAH**

[*Tearing up*] Okay. Nice. Yeah. Uh. Thanks.

**SYDNEY**

Oh my God, honey, are you crying?

**JEDIDIAH**

Ahhhh… no.

**SYDNEY**

Give me a hug. You’re so silly.

**JEDIDIAH**

I love you…

**SYDNEY**

I love you too. I… love you too.

**JEDIDIAH**

Uhmm… [*Sniff*] hey, I, uh, haven’t seen you drink water, yet. I don’t think you’ve been drinking water — here. Drink.

**SYDNEY**

Oh! Thank you. And, hey, does, um… does that mean you want to play chess with me now?

**JEDIDIAH**

…Listen. To be honest, Lucille makes me play chess, like, every night. Can we, like… play cards or something instead? Rummy? Is that okay?

**SYDNEY**

I — yes, that’s okay! You really — want to?

**JEDIDIAH**

Yeah. I’ll — get the board, okay?

**SYDNEY**

Okay. 🙂

[CLICK]

[CLICK]

**SYDNEY**

Good… morning. campers. Final morning, eh? 8:65AM, how are we all doing? This is both the last and the shortest day. We’re wrapping up here, and soon as breakfast is done, you’re all gonna go pack to be picked up by your parents before lunch.

Uh yeah, what a summer! Campers I, uhm, want to apologize for the events of the past day or two. Please know that none of it was your fault. The Elephant Man wanted to do bad things to the staff here, and it’s not your fault that you all were a part of his plan. Also, he’s gone. For good. Be rest assured that he’s gone forever now, and you all have nothing to worry about. When you go home tonight, there will be no Elephant Man. I again am so sorry for the way that went and am so proud of all of you for being so brave. You all mean so much to me.

Also, uh, about that nightmare powder thing. It looks like the Cabin Dungbeetle kids set it all up in kahoots as their, uh, final revolution of sorts – they have successfully ‘seceded’ from Camp Here and There, completely destroying their cabin in all the commotion and burning it to the ground! And they have declared their intentions to form their very *own* camp across the lake next year! So, uhm, good luck to them? But, uh, you guys know Junipers not coming with you, right? Good luck finding a new counselor! And good luck finding a better, more charming meal-time announcer than yours truly. ~

With that said, it looks like the two solo counselors unite; Juniper will be joining Rowan in Magpie Moth next year! Good thing, too. Seems the two of ‘em have gotten quite cozy. Juniper’s invited Rowan back to Legsworth for a few months to help out with his smalltown father’s fishing business. And a little birdie told me (Rowan is the birdie) that Rowan’s excited about it!

I’m not sure what the penguins will do when everyone’s gone… Here’s hoping they don’t bother me, haha. But knowing Maurice, he’s such a kind soul! He probably will just take the colony elsewhere, seeing as the lake will freeze over come winter. Penguin migration sure is exciting!

And Marisol and Salem, I’ll miss you too. I hope you gals have a peaceful year together in your apartment. Yvonne, please take care of yourself, and remember to slow down now and then. Good luck on your gaming channel! I’ll have to check it out. Joshua… take care, too. I mean it.

Soren isn’t here anymore, but if he were I’d just flick him in the face. Soren, flick. To every other staff member who I don’t know as well, please all of you have a great year.

And to all you kids, remember to stop by my office and give me a goodbye hug before you leave. Or, just to grab some goodbye candy! Whatever you’re comfortable with. I couldn’t have asked for better campers to care for.

This morning, for our final breakfast, Matthew has stuck his gigantic cauldron onto the bonfire in the center of camp, and has invited us all to add our own ingredients to the mega-soup; as a show of the loving community we all shared together. So, drink, loves, drink and remember fondly this beautiful experience we all partook in.

Good luck with the school year! I know how hard it can be, but I believe in all of you. I hope I get to see each and every one of you next year. I love you.

[CLICK]

[SOUND OF A CASSETTE PLAYER BEING TURNED ON]

[CLOCK TICKING]

**LUCILLE**

Jedidiah!

**JEDIDIAH**

Mm. Hi.

**LUCILLE**

Come, sit down, sit down! How we doin’?

**JEDIDIAH**

(*sigh*) You never fail to find the most difficult questions to ask.

**LUCILLE**

You just don’t like tellin’ me things.

**JEDIDIAH**

I mean, I’m just a private person, you know? I must’ve gotten it from you.

**LUCILLE**

(*chuckles*) This backtalk! Good to see your fire isn’t out.

**JEDIDIAH**

Mm.

**LUCILLE**

(*A little bit difficult for her to say*) …Jedidiah, I… I wanted to tell you that I’m proud of you.

**JEDIDIAH**

…Thanks.

**LUCILLE**

It was real good of you to stand up to that guy. Sydney is grateful, I’m sure.

**JEDIDIAH**

Right.

**LUCILLE**

We all make mistakes, and — and have dark times. Times where we don’t know what to do.  And we take the wrong turn, and there’s not enough room on the road to turn back.

**JEDIDIAH**

Mhm.

**LUCILLE**

(*Kind of losing herself in this metaphor*) Sometimes, we just gotta — get outta the car, and — walk back to where we started from, and… that might be a rough journey, but today, you pulled over and opened the car door. And that’s, um… y’took your first step. Jedidiah, are you even listening to me?

**JEDIDIAH**

Honestly, uh… you stopped making sense, like, ten seconds ago.

**LUCILLE**

Dammit, you know I’m no good with metaphors. I’m trying to — I just — I just wanna say — oh, forget it. Are you up for chess tonight?

**JEDIDIAH**

I — well — I was kind of in the middle of something back in my office —

**LUCILLE**

Just one game.

**JEDIDIAH**

…Lucille.

**LUCILLE**

It’s a family tradition!

**JEDIDIAH**

Lucille, what’s going on with you?

**LUCILLE**

Whatever do you mean?

**JEDIDIAH**

You’re acting like — not — you — you’re like… I dunno…

**LUCILLE**

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

**JEDIDIAH**

Yes you do, Lucille, please don’t make me explain it. Listen — do you feel — guilty or something?

**LUCILLE**

What gave you that idea?

**JEDIDIAH**

You’re being, like — open. I mean, you’re at least trying. That’s not normal for you, and — that’s — I mean, fine, it doesn’t bother me, but when you start acting vulnerable with me all of a sudden after years of this weird back-and-forth whatever, it means something’s up. And I’m just — tired today, right? I don’t want to — I just wanna — know what’s going on so I can deal with it. *I’m* *tired.*

**LUCILLE**

You certainly must be tired, Jedidiah. Listen, dear, I think you’re stressed out and you’re pickin’ up on problems where they aren’t there.

**JEDIDIAH**

Mgh.

**LUCILLE**

Anyway, why can’t I reach out to my son for a game of chess from time to time? I know we aren’t as touchy-feely as some families, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy each other’s company.

**JEDIDIAH**

Right. Okay. Thanks, that’s more like what I’m used to.

**LUCILLE**

And that means… ?

**JEDIDIAH**

Nothing. Let’s play chess. I’m white?

**LUCILLE**

You’re white.

**JEDIDIAH**

One game. I have stuff to do.

**LUCILLE**

Seriously, Jedidiah, after this Summer, I thought you’d’ve learned your lesson about this ‘always busy’ schtick.

**JEDIDIAH**

Wh — I don’t just pretend to be busy to avoid people, Lucille, I actually have stuff I do.

**LUCILLE**

You’ll have to forgive me. That’s hard to believe when you won’t tell anyone what you’re working on.

**JEDIDIAH**

Yeah, well, if you found out what I was working on, you’d die a horrible death, so, you’re welcome. G4.

**LUCILLE**

That isn’t very funny.

E6.

[AS PIECES ARE PLACED, THERE IS CLACKING]

**JEDIDIAH**

Nf3.

**LUCILLE**

Be7.

**JEDIDIAH**

H4.

**LUCILLE**

Nc6.

**JEDIDIAH**

D3.

**LUCILLE**

Don’t be distracted, Jedidiah. D6.

**JEDIDIAH**

Nd2. You’re the one who asked me to play.

**LUCILLE**

Nf6. And you promised me a game, not a slaughter.

**JEDIDIAH**

Then ask me back on a day when I’ve had fewer near-death experiences and lifechanging revelations. Ne4.

**LUCILLE**

DXe4.

**JEDIDIAH**

DXe4.

**LUCILLE**

QXd1.

**JEDIDIAH**

KXd1.

**LUCILLE**

NXg4. There’s really no chance you’re gonna take this seriously, is there?

**JEDIDIAH**

I disbanded a cult, today. I nearly choked to death on dirt because a congregation made up of my brainwashed coworkers tried to bury me alive. And then I cried in front of Sydney, which gave me major flashbacks to highschool, which is — its own thing, not relevant — anyway, the point is, all capacity for abstract thought and logic has been totally drained from me, so I’m gonna play a truly shameful game of chess and we’re both gonna have to live with that today, alright?

**LUCILLE**

Poor dear. You really have been through it today.

**JEDIDIAH**

It’s been weird. Ke1.

**LUCILLE**

Nb4.

**JEDIDIAH**

Bd2.

**LUCILLE**

NXc2.

**JEDIDIAH**

Kd1.

**LUCILLE**

Jedidiah, if you don’t mind me asking — after today, are you planning to be gone all year again? NXa1.

**JEDIDIAH**

Kc1. No, I… don’t think so. I think I’m gonna try to visit regularly. I — yeah, I think that’s what I’m gonna do.

**LUCILLE**

Oh, good. Sydney’ll be real pleased to have someone besides me to talk to.

**JEDIDIAH**

Hah.

**LUCILLE**

NXf2.

**JEDIDIAH**

I don’t think I’m a big step above you, as conversation partners go.

**LUCILLE**

Bah! You know Sydney. You don’t need to talk to him, you just need to listen. Or pretend to.

**JEDIDIAH**

Hey… Sydney doesn’t just talk to hear himself talk. I mean, sometimes he does —

**LUCILLE**

Sometimes.

**JEDIDIAH**

Okay, plenty of times, he does — but he likes to be engaged with. Feeling like he’s actually being listened to is the important thing with him, right, you can’t just hear the words, you have to show that you understand them. So that’s… what I… y’know, need to work on.

**LUCILLE**

Hoh. He can learn to trust that you understand.

**JEDIDIAH**

I had that attitude, and it got him abducted. I — I can’t just let him — be both halves of our relationship by himself. I mean, I can, I guess, if I don’t care about having a relationship with him, and for a while I convinced myself I didn’t… I guess, I mean, he’s been too much to handle, kind of; not his fault, just all of our history, seeing him made me feel… really bad. But then I almost lost him today, and I… was so scared, Jesus God, and I realized how hard I’ve been working the past few weeks to keep him safe, and — and that’s not just altruism. I want him in my life. So I have to act like — a part of his life. Or else I’ll always feel the same way I felt today. Like he’s losing me, and pretty soon I’ll start losing him, because he’s gonna get sick of grieving our slowly dying relationship all the time, and he’ll just have to let go, right? I’m terrified of that, but God knows I’d deserve it, so — yeah. I’m gonna visit camp from time to time this year.

**LUCILLE**

…You’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately.

**JEDIDIAH**

Yeah, uh… yeah. It kind of sucks, but, uh, Sydney seems, I guess, excited about it, and who could blame him, so… not… uh… it’s fine. Yeah.

**LUCILLE**

(*cautiously*) That’s good… but don’t let it distract you from our game. It’s been your move for quite a while now.

**JEDIDIAH**

Jeesh, has it? Okay. Uh. Rh2.

**LUCILLE**

NXe4.

**JEDIDIAH**

Be3.

**LUCILLE**

I’m going to castle. What’s the audio notation for castling?

**JEDIDIAH**

Nobody knows.

**LUCILLE**

Nnf. I castle.

**JEDIDIAH**

Fantastic. Kd1.

**LUCILLE**

Rd8.

**JEDIDIAH**

Nd2.

**LUCILLE**

NXd2.

**JEDIDIAH**

KXa1.

**LUCILLE**

NXf1.

**JEDIDIAH**

Rh3.

**LUCILLE**

Rd1.

**JEDIDIAH**

Bc1.

**LUCILLE**

RXc1. Checkmate! That, my dear, was indeed a truly shameful game of chess.

**JEDIDIAH**

A shot called from yours truly.

**LUCILLE**

That’s victory, in a way. We’ll just have to work on it.

**JEDIDIAH**

Okay, okay, I played your little game. Now free me from your office. These shackles do chafe my poor wrists.

**LUCILLE**

Of course, dear.

**JEDIDIAH**

See you, Lucille.

**LUCILLE**

Goodbye, Jedidiah.

Jedidiah?

**JEDIDIAH**

Mm?

**LUCILLE**

I wanted to say, I… I am sorry I didn’t do anything about Elijah back there. If I’m being honest, I had no idea what to do.

**JEDIDIAH**

That’s — it’s fine, I mean — I was mad for a while, but I figured, I mean, what could you have done, some middle aged woman against some kind of adrenaline wizard —

[*Realization*] Uh… Elijah?

**LUCILLE**

That was his name, yes?

**JEDIDIAH**

Yeah, I know, it’s just — did Sydney tell you that? I don’t think — I didn’t think the Elephant Man was, like — telling anyone his actual name; how did you — how did you know his name?

**LUCILLE**

Oh dear. Have I forgotten to mention something?

**JEDIDIAH**

Oh my God.

**LUCILLE**

I could’ve sworn I told you about this.

**JEDIDIAH**

Oh, could you have? Could you have?

**LUCILLE**

But, you know. I’m an old lady. I forget things.

**JEDIDIAH**

You’re only 59. And now we’re doing the mind games again! Why are we doing the mind games again? Did I say something that pissed you off?

**LUCILLE**

Simmer down, Jedidiah. I know you’re tired, but we can do better than this. Calm and in control, hm?

**JEDIDIAH**

I’m — fine. Have you met with the Elephant Man? Or did you read through my journals?

**LUCILLE**

We met.

**JEDIDIAH**

Jesus!

**LUCILLE**

Once. Several years ago. You and Sydney weren’t even working here yet.

**JEDIDIAH**

*Huh?*

**LUCILLE**

It was the dead of Winter. I was in my office, sortin’ myself out. And this man walked in — blond, greasy, teeth whiter than a dinnerplate. He had a knife, and these were the days before I kept my flamethrower around, so I was at a disadvantage. And he asked me where Sydney was.

Well, I had no clue how to answer him. I hadn’t seen Sydney in years. For all I knew, Sydney was dead, and I told the man as much! Fat mistake that was. He begged, and he threatened, and he cajoled, and he gestured with that big old knife of his, and finally I told him if I saw Sydney around, I’d let him know.

**JEDIDIAH**

…Did you?

**LUCILLE**

Did I…?

**JEDIDIAH**

Did you — let him know? When you saw Sydney?

**LUCILLE**

I did not. I didn’t need to. The man was hellbent. He was a blond with a big knife. He would’ve found Sydney no matter where we’d hidden him.

**JEDIDIAH**

So you knew exactly how dangerous the guy was from day one.

**LUCILLE**

I figured.

**JEDIDIAH**

And you didn’t do anything.

**LUCILLE**

Like I said, Jedidiah, I didn’t exactly feel empowered against — !

**JEDIDIAH**

Yeah, back then! But what about now? You have a goddamn arsenal of weapons. You have — a phone, you have — administrative and — and *emotional* authority over everyone in camp, and no matter how much you might pretend you’re going senile, you have a pretty impressive brain. And you have me, and my head. And I guarantee you that working together, we could’ve worked out a solution before Sydney could get kidnapped.

**LUCILLE**

What exactly could I have done, Jedidiah? You tell me. With all those assets at my disposal, what could I have done? Called the police, gotten the whole camp shut down? Pointed a flamethrower at him, tried to scare him off? Jedidiah, the man was obsessed. He wasn’t going to back down on our orders unless we killed him, which I know you wouldn’t be willing to do, so don’t talk to me about inaction. The only person on the planet who could’ve stopped this man by standing up to him was Sydney, and Sydney wasn’t gonna listen to me if I told him that, so I had to let the boy sort it out himself.

**JEDIDIAH**

…I held a mirror up to him.

**LUCILLE**

Hmm?

**JEDIDIAH**

I held a mirror up to him and he lost his mind. It was the obvious solution.

**LUCILLE**

Ah. Well isn’t that something.

**JEDIDIAH**

I know you’re smart enough to have figured that -… [*Sigh*] Whatever. Don’t tell Sydney about this.

**LUCILLE**

Of course not.

**JEDIDIAH**

I’ll tell him instead. So you don’t get to spin it in your favor.

**LUCILLE**

Right.

**JEDIDIAH**

Goodnight, Lucille.

**LUCILLE**

Jedidiah.

…

Do you hate me?

**JEDIDIAH**

…No. Of course not.

**LUCILLE**

Alright. Thank you.

…I love you, Jedidiah. Goodnight.

**JEDIDIAH**

…Goodnight, Lucille. I love you too.

[CLICK]

[A CASSETTE TAPE IS REMOVED FROM A PLAYER]

[SILENCE]

*Today’s episode was written by Blue Mayfield and Nicholas Belov. All music composed by Will Wood and produced by Jonathon Maisto. Sound editing by Emily Safko and Blue Mayfield. The part of Sydney Sargent was played by Blue Mayfield, the part of Jedidiah Martin was played by Nicholas Belov, the part of Elijah Volkov was played by Ryan Henning, and the part of Lucille Bertuccelli was played by Susan Dohan.*

*Hey all, Blue here. We’ve got so many patrons to thank today, and it’s moving my heart. Because I’m physically disabled to a great extent, I’ve had to accept that I’ll never be able to work a conventional day job or in the industry. The support for this project so far has given me a sincere hope in a future for myself where I have a real career and am not permanently dependent or homeless. It gives me so much hope for art as a medium and hope for disenfranchised creators.*

*I couldn’t be more grateful and thank you so much for sticking around and enjoying the first season of this show. Your engagement with the stories I tell is as important and special to me as my telling them.*

*Special thanks to: Digitkey, EisenFire, Boson, AnotherAmber, GerdGenus, Amy, Danni the SpoonLord, Thomas, Hallie, Ant Harbin, Vander Beloved, Ace, Lil Doosie, Eli Bizzarri, Capybara named Joe, Leo, unfortunate Sydney kinner, Jusst\_Honeybee, Ollie, Kris Oya, Rosemary the Honking Priest, Val, Malina Ziaja, Annie M, AK, Marcus Galas, Victor the Vampire, Amanita, Worlds Okayest Artificer, Fixx521, Fyn Clark, Jay, Ell Towers, Amy Jackson, Valery, Bogna Tomiak, Cas, Bumbles the Bee, Attibot, Spookykidz, Ella Pilchik, Tibby Caps, and Hanna Taustine.*

*If you’d like to see season 2 happen, consider signing up for Patreon at Patreon.com/mayfieldandbelov and get preproduction perks in-between the season. If you’re in the silver tier or higher over this release break, your name will be read in the first episode of season 2!*

*If you can’t sign up, don’t worry. Spreading the word and discussing the show with other listeners is just as helpful! If you’d like to connect with others who enjoy our work, consider joining our discord – find the link at Mayfieldandbelov.com.*

*Thank you for listening to Camp Here & There! And remember: I love you.*