Flavour Text

As a comedy game, there is a huge amount of enjoyable writing throughout the game. **Flavour text** will be collected here

## Hiring Screen

Every potential staff member will have their traits listed, along with an additional line for fun.

* A means to an end.
* Tends to notice Fireworks.
* Season ticket holder at The Sloop.
* Has an opening for the role of 'Best Friend.'
* Has seen 'that' show.
* Hasn't owned a pencil.
* Has never used a calendar the way they'd hoped to.
* Has a good handshake.
* Tired of buying shorts.
* Befriends quadrupeds.
* 'Invented' a new kind of casserole.
* Never inhaled.
* Never gotten lost.
* Better at knitting than you'd think.
* Used to fish as a child, hasn't since.
* Has a bad feeling.
* People LOVE them!
* Master of assonance.
* Needs to look in the mirror.
* Sleep gallops.
* A proficient user of the alphabet.
* Holds the U14 long jump record.
* Tends to notice fireworks.
* Doesn't remember that night.
* Appreciates the little things.
* Their loved ones resent them.
* Has a passion for domestic woodwork.
* Regrets their choice of bathroom tile.
* Thrives when falling from a great height.
* Has lost count.
* Has the potential to develop an effective mid-range game.
* Leaves the bag in.
* Former TV chef.
* Eats pasta disgracefully.
* Understands digital memory to an extent.
* Vomits on impact.
* Dances like tomorrow is a real possibility.
* More bacon than eggs.
* Generally dubious.
* Time Control (through scheduling).
* Catches frisbees 'dog style'.
* Bath > Shower.
* A talented skimmer of stones.
* Level 2 Orbling.
* Loves stationery.
* Appreciates a glass of something.
* The friend that brings crisps.
* Wrote a book about staplers.
* Knows where the party's at.
* Savoury > Sweet.
* Loves peeled food.
* Buries food for later.
* Good downfield vision.
* Read a book once.
* Still loves plot twist.
* Knows how to swim.
* Sleeps on the floor.
* Admires anyone that can whittle.
* Owns a crossbow.
* Loves to chew.
* Doesn't know what they're doing.
* Unphased and unmotivated by pressure.
* Has a favourite type of marmalade.
* A real treat on picnics.
* Great at bedtime stories.
* Well read.
* Part-time living toom gymnast.
* Always has the right batteries.
* Was raised on a farm.
* A real fan of waterborne mammals.
* Consistently fails to get a grip.
* Experiences bakery induced shame.
* Startled by fog.
* Can define "conifer".
* Morally ambiguous.
* Thinks cartons are bad.
* Thinks they aren't photogenic.
* Likes to take the stairs.
* Double jump.
* A competent player of spin.
* Collects limited editions of Burp!
* Doesn't have an internet presence.
* Has good memories.
* Questions the point of it all.
* Doubts you care.

## Firing Staff

A member of staff whose job is on the line will make a last-ditch attempt to get the player to desist, via a guilt trip.

* "My mother was so proud of me for getting this job, now I won't be able to look at her in the face."
* "I just tattooed this hospital on my back, now whenever someone sees it they'll be reminded of what a failure I am."
* "This job was all I had, the other staff are like the family I used to have until I misplaced them."
* "I run a charity that gives baby seals the Christmas they deserve. It looks like Christmas is cancelled for the baby seals this year..."
* "I moved my family here for this job, now, whenever I see our house, a moving-van, or a map that includes this area of the County, I'll be tormented by my inability to succeed."
* "I'm trying to put my uncle through butlering school. Do you know how much that costs? Neither do I, I really should check."
* "If I lose this job, I'll have to set free all of my swans."
* "I'm incredibly wealthy, but losing this job would force me to become slightly less extravagant. How could you do that to someone?"
* "I guess I'll have to sell those antique icing bags that my great grandmother left me..."
* "I just took out a mortgage, why must I be constantly punished for trying to aspire to the life that society has established as an ideal."
* "First that stain on my jeans, now this. Wow. What a week."
* "Hmm. Okay, well, I had become pretty dependant on the money you were paying me. Will I continue to receive the money, once I've been fired?"
* "Great. I've got a poorly badger and two mothers to feed."
* "My children won't be thrilled with this. I regret having so many of them."
* "Oh man, I'd really started to get fond of eating."
* "My family give me a hard time as it is. Perfect. They're going to love this."
* "It's because I took all that medicine, isn't it?"
* "I shouldn't have spent all that time volunteering. If only I'd been more self-centred."
* "I have a feeling my husband was on the cusp of leaving me. This will do it I reckon."
* "My estranged sister got back in touch after she found out I had this job. Now our relationship will, surely, crumble again."
* "During my time here, I finally managed to find some self-worth. I can already feel it fading."
* "My friends have a pool going on when I'm next going to get fired. How does Dennis keep getting it right?"
* "Give me one good reaso- Oh right, yeah. Fair enough, then."
* "If you think I wasn't good at my job, maybe you have a point; but, I bring so much more to the table than that."
* "If you think I wasn't good at my job, maybe you have a point; but, I bring so much more to the table than that."
* "I think you should know. Most of the respect I had for you, has now been replaced with loathing."
* "My dad only had one rule: ‘Don't humiliate the family'. Well, sorry dad."
* "A psychic told me this would happen. So, well done. Now I believe in that stuff. Great job."
* "This place will grind to a halt without me! Probably..."
* "I could barely afford to feed all those gibbons as it is. They are going to be furious."
* "Now I have more time to sit at home, in silence, slowly but surely piling up debt."