Victor Simons

A constable who is (almost) always depicted with his cap covering his eyes, speaking in a heavy (Cockney?) accent, and getting very little work done because it doesn't matter. Usually in charge at the precinct where Norman Gates is often incarcerated. Often in the company of Fat Lez. Comes across as incompetent or insensitive but actually has some insight as to how to efficiently keep small time punks in line using Gates.

Simons releases Gates five minutes early after holding him for the entirety of the fortnight prior to Guy Fawkes Day to prevent him from doing any of the damage Gates is known for. He and Gates narrow avoid being shot by... Gates. Specifically, a time-travelling future Gates who returns to the last five minutes of Bonfire Night to make good on his promise to blow something cool up.

Simons preemptively seeks out Gates the following year, but as they are unable to find him at Richard's house, Simons plans to find Gates on his own. He quickly regrets not getting Fat Lez's assistance as he checks out the decrepit Britannia building on a tip-off, calling it in as an attempted arson by some kids as a cover story. He struggles to get into the building and is nearly assaulted in the process of getting his torch lit. Ironically, Gates is the one who stops Simons's would-be assailant.

Simons turns on Gates, who sarcastically thanks himself for saving Simon. The two then examine the guy pretending to be Gates, although Simons comments that the doppelganger isn't ugly enough to pass as Gates. Simons then asks why anyone would impersonate Gates, and Gates explains his theory about insurance fraud and getting rid of a hangout for pushers and junkies. Simons arrests the fake Gates and asks if Gates wants to press charges, but Gates feels it would be better if he wasn't there, since the fake Gates might press his own assault charges.

As the fake Gates is rousing, Simons tells Gates to get going, but also asks if he can trust him to behave. Gates responds that there was going to be an "accidental" gas explosion at the Bennet Homes head office (those in charge of the Britannia property), but it would be better to have their paper trail intact for the police to impound. Simons remarks that he both appreciates getting to nick the perpetrators, but he also finds it scary that Gates is thinking rationally.

When Troy attacks Gates (and fails), Simons takes a police record of the events, despite how clearly inaccurate Richard's account is. The new officer tagging along with Simons doesn't believe them, but Simons pulls him aside to stop things from escalating. The newbie is disgusted that Simons appears to be afraid of them, but Simons punches him in the stomach to get him to shut it, then starts berating him for waving his cock around despite the fact the uniform and acting all tough doesn't make it one inch bigger. The newbie retorts that he could have gassed Gates, but Simons points out that even IF he did, Richard would have gotten him from behind, because even though he looks fine *now*, Richard has a history of violent delinquency.

The newbie then asks why they don't lock up Gates and Richard if they're such a threat, and Simons explains that it's more efficient. Since they as constables are not allowed to carry guns or use violence, and they as a result cannot get any respect from troublemakers that way, it's better to have someone who *does* scare them keep them in line. Simons continues to defend Gates by pointing out he is not a bully except to other bullies, because the "innocent" are not sport enough for Gates. (It's also not a Batman thing, Gates beats people up for a good laugh.)

1. ↑ oddly enough, he thinks in a more normal accent