THE CRAWLING-SPLEEN

For our FINAL FRIGHT-FABLE in this EERIE-EDITION, I, CREEPS, am going to teach you kiddies to play the HUMAN ORGAN ha-ha-ha.  You can play it wherever SOME-BODY PARTS IT!  So, take a SHRIEK-PEEK at the monster known as...

There was a shack on a farm down, in West Virginia, where a young couple who were hillbillies sat out, on the front porch together back in June of 1956 one night.  The man and woman both rocked in rocking-chairs and the one hillbilly played his harmonica to the tune of "Oh, Susannah!".  "That is a mighty fine tune y'all are playin' Jack" the lady said to the man.  "Why, thank y'all Marilyn sweet pea!" Jack responded to her and then played some more.  The hillbillies heard the sound of wet, squishy-footsteps nearby.  Jack quit playing his harmonica and the noise got closer to the shack.  "Gee, what is that sweet pea?" Jack asked Marilyn.  "Might be an animal Jack darlin'!" she answered.  Then, there was something silhouetted in the moonlight crawling out, in the grass.  Jack got up and lit a lantern on the porch, shining it on the thing.  It looked like a spleen that was the color of flesh, crawling along in the yard, making the sounds of wet, squishy-footsteps.  There was something on the front of it.  It was a human-finger.  The spleen-like creature crawled up, onto the porch from down, in the grass.  "What in tarnation is that?" Jack screamed.  "It's something like a dang spleen with a finger honey pie!" Marilyn responded in fear.  The thing crawled to Jack's feet and the couple rushed into their shack.  "Oh, Jack Douglas you corn-toed idjit!" Jack said to himself, looking out the window.  Two cats were meowing at Marilyn in their small living room.  She pet them.

Jack Douglas made a Screwdriver in the small kitchen, adding vodka to a glass of orange juice.  He then sat down at the table and drank it.  Marilyn sat down at their table too and a pounding on their front door was heard.  "I'll get it Marilyn" Jack said to her, got up and answered the door.  "Howdy, Brother, I've come to finish y'all off along with your Wife so Penny and I will get all of what Mama and Daddy left us!" another hillbilly said to him, pointing a shotgun at Jack.  "Willy, Brother, what in tarnation do you think y'all are doin'?" Jack screamed in fear at him.  "Why, I'm gonna blow yer freakin' brains out Jack that's what!" Willy screamed back in reply.  As he was just about to shoot Jack, the spleen-creature seemed to stand up on the porch, being as high as it.  The bottom of the thing peeled-open sideways in the middle, and the hole became a mouth.  With squishy-sounds coming from its mouth, the spleen-monster bore down on Willy's head, he screamed, firing his weapon into the ceiling of the porch.  The thing's mouth sucked on his head, muffling his screaming.  Then the sucking and squishy-sounds of its mouth got more intense and loud, as it enveloped the rest of his body.  Jack viewed the scene in horror as the thing consumed his wicked brother.  The thing then lifted its flesh-colored body and its mouth horizontally-shut.  "Oh, Jack Douglas you corn-toed idjit!" Jack said to himself, slamming the door shut and locking it.  "Did y'all shoot that thing Jack honey?" Marilyn asked him from the doorway of their kitchen.  "Nope Marilyn, it was my dang wicked Brother.  He was gonna shoot us both to get all of what Mama and Daddy left us.  That monster ate him sweet pea!" he spoke in reply.  "Oh dear!" Marilyn spoke and hugged Jack.  "Ah, I need a dang drink, m'Screwdriver one.  I just saw that dang spleen-monster eat my wicked Brother Willy alive!" Jack explained to Marilyn.

He then went back to the kitchen, poured the rest of the vodka from the bottle into the glass of orange juice, and chugged the Screwdriver down fast.  Then he went and sat down in a chair in the living room and one of the two cats jumped up, into his lap.  He pet it and sighed.  Marilyn kissed him on his lips and sat down in another chair.  The second cat jumped up, in her lap and purred.  She pet it and both the cats and Jack and Marilyn fell asleep.  Ten minutes later, they woke to a banging on the door.  The cats woke up too and Jack answered the door.  "Where is Willy y'all stupid dimwit?" a young lady inquired of him, shouting.  "Penny, I'm sorry but Willy's dead" Jack said, answering her.  "WHAT?!  He was gonna shoot you and your good for nothin' Wife, Jack!" Penny shouted.  "Well, I want what y'all Folks left you, so I guess I'll have to do it" she shouted, grabbing Willy's shotgun, aiming it at him.  "PENNY PLEASE NOT MY HUSBAND!!!!" Marilyn screamed, running to Jack, but the spleen-thing suddenly was on Penny's back, making its wet and squishy sounds.  Penny screamed in horror and shock, as the monster's mouth on the bottom of it covered her head then, making its sucking noises too.  Penny dropped the shotgun and writhed from side to side with the thing enveloping her body.  Both Marilyn and Jack screamed in terror at the scene, then Penny's skull poked out of the monster's mouth.  It slowly sunk back in though.  "The Crawling-Spleen sure does eat!!" Jack  said, horrified.  Then its hole of a mouth closed and The Crawling-Spleen got down then, and crawled off the porch of the shack.  "I guess that thing helped us, Jack!" Marilyn said to him and they hugged each other.  As The Crawling-Speen crawled out of their yard and into the darkness of the night, its wet, squishy-sounds faded away to silence.

Ha-Ha, that was quite a SQUEAKY-SPLEEN ENDING eh?  That monster was scary, but it also SUCKED AT THE SAME TIME...SUCKED WILLY AND PENNY INTO IT THAT IS!  Well, that's it for this ICKY-ISSUE FIENDS.  Be sure to do like THE CRAWLING-SPLEEN and CRAWL back to my next issue heh-heh.