Freaky Elvis

**Freaky Elvis** (January 8, 1961-August 16, 1998) was a small Elvis Presley doll that was given life by a mad voodoo

priest in Chackbay, Louisiana. After being sold to an Elvis memorabilia collector named Stewart Rhinestone in 1974, Freaky Elvis began touring around the United States, making his debut at the Jasper County Fair in Mississippi in 1976. After the death of Elvis Presley, Freaky Elvis earned a spot on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. This brought Freaky Elvis to national attention and launched his career as an entertainer. However, due to his origins, Freaky Elvis became the center of a harsh debate on the nature of the occult in society. This lead to the Harper Law, enacted by the Regan Administration in 1984 which put serious restrictions on the use of Voodoo. As a result, public backlash against Voodoo caused Freaky Elvis to retire in 1985.

After a series of failed attempts to come out of retirement, a burgeoning drug addiction, and a failed restaurant chain, Freaky Elvis took to traveling across the country, brutally murdering Voodoo priests and Elvis Impersonators. After a nationwide manhunt, Freaky Elvis holed up in a motel just off of Route 66 in Galena, Kansas. After a week long standoff, SWAT teams invaded and Freaky Elvis was killed in the ensuing shoot out. Legends that the ghost of Freaky Elvis hitchhikes up and down Route 66 persist to this day.

## Biography

On January 8, 1961, a Voodoo priest in Chackbay, Louisiana who was fond of Rock 'N' Roll, found an Elvis doll in a trunk in a recently abandoned home. Wildly inebriated at the time, the Voodoo priest thought it would be hilarious to bring the Elvis doll to life, and so he drunkenly performed the ritual to bring sentience to an inanimate object. Immediately after bringing the doll to life, the Voodoo priest regretted his decision and attempted to kill Freaky Elvis, but he passed out from all the booze in his system instead.

Freaky Elvis spent the next few years desperately trying to figure out how to function. As he was a doll, he had no use for eating, but it still took him several months to learn how to walk. Upon figuring out how to walk, he wandered on down to New Orleans, where he was found by a woman named Glenda Henderson, who took him in as her own. Glenda taught Freaky Elvis how to talk and function, but Freaky Elvis still wasn't satisfied; he felt as though something was missing. It wasn't until 1969 when he discovered Elvis Presley, when he heard "Hound Dog" on the radio. As Freaky Elvis was essentially Elvis Presley, he realized that he had to be a Rock 'N' Roll star too.

In late 1969, Freaky Elvis bought a guitar and received lessons from Rockin' Ronald, a local musician. Rockin' Ronald was slightly unhinged and kidnapped then forced Freaky Elvis to play Bolero by Ravel on the guitar. Constantly having to play the same series of notes for several days, Freaky Elvis found himself soon becoming very familiar with the guitar. It is said that when the police pulled him out of the well that Rockin' Ronald had been keeping him in, he was still playing Bolero over and over.

Tragedy struck in 1971 when Glenda died, leaving Freaky Elvis alone in the world with nowhere to turn. He became desperate and set up a small living space in the sewers of New Orleans where he played his guitar 24/7, a habit which made him capable of playing literally anything on the guitar, even noises humans could not hear. In Spring of 1973, he was captured by a local eccentric named Freaky Feather Henderson, who had a fondness for making hats out of used vacuum cleaner bags. Freaky Feather Henderson and Freaky Elvis became fast friends due primarily to their love of greasy cheeseburgers and that they both had the word "Freaky" in their name. By November they had founded The Freaky New Orleans Freak Council, whose membership included Fredd Fuckernuggets the Flea, Donny Scrum, The Peacock Lady, Mr. Shumpk, The Empress of Haircheese, Don McLean, Harry Shut-Em-Up, Klippernun, The Clown, HaPpY dOoDlEfAcE, The Spot, Mr. and Mrs. 13, Glugger the Plumber, Henry Shawgenpoot, Gunface, Roger Toot-Toot III, Liceman, The Q Fellow, The Sausage Umbrella, Francis McHoo!, !uYtt@=&00M, and Grum the Fuck Master. The Freaky New Orleans Freak Council went on to be the international standard of "Way Too Weird"-ness for the next 43 years.

On March 3, 1974, Freaky Elvis was sold by The Q Fellow to Stewart Rhinestone, a half-crazed Elvis memorabilia collector, for $25. Reportedly The Q Fellow spent the money on a crate of New York Seltzers and 2 gumballs.