recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
Kobolds and Catacombs

> "*YOU NO TAKE CANDLE!*"
> ― Every fucking "person" on Hearthpwn
>
>

**Kobolds and Catacombs, Wat Dafuq's Dis?, KnC, Memes and Jankacombs, better known as Cuckolds and Cancercombs** is the most recent expansion in HS, and the last one in the Year of the Mammoth. While the year seemed to be going well and the myth of skill was finally thriving, this expansion showed up when Blizzard couldn't hold it any longer and had to make a whole expac about memes and RNG, as if HS did not have enough of those already.

## Theme

Remember Dungeons and Dragons, the game you would have played when you were younger if you had any friends? Well this is that, but the loserdom is multiplied. You are supposed to venture forth into dungeons infested with sickening, blind, neck-bearded rat monsters and try your best to get treasures back to the surface. There is also the ongoing theme of stealing candles, because they are a kobold's only source of light, and thus the most valuable possession they have, even though normal people don't have any use for them.

### Dungeon Runs

This expansion also brought us a new game mode, which started out great until people realized how much bullshit actually came into play during it. From then on, DR popularity crashed and only a few valiant time wasters managed to get its card back. Curiously, this is much harder than getting to Legend.

## Notable Cards

* Corridor Creeper - Balanced because every single retard used it
* Kingsbane - Rogue can now cheat fatigue for ever!
* Aluneth - "Let's give aggro card draw!" - Most likely Mike Donais, before his greatest success rotated out
* Carnivorous Cube - Coming with sacrifice cards for Warlock! Lovely idea as per usual
* 7 other legendary weapons
* Cards for minionless hunter - At least huntards can't improve their shitty midrange decks now
* Call to Arms - An objectively broken fast card. Its problem has been solved
* Duskbreaker - More anti-aggro dragon synergy for the most broken class at the time. Very smart
* Explosive Runes - Because mage needed two more fireballs
* Spellstones - Atrociously designed spells that become unreasonably powerful if you do Blizzard's forced netdecking
Fireside Gatherings

**Fireside Gatherings** are pointlessly social events endorsed by Blizzard that nobody cared about until Nemsy Necrofizzle was introduced. They are all about taking away the advantages of online games and bringing in the unpleasantness of personally dealing with the manchildren that play Hearthstone.

## How2FiresideGather

Nobody knows exactly how these things are made because no one wants to take part in them. The card back is not worth it, the best human beings to meet are the Untainted, and most of us are so morbidly obese we cannot walk that far. Still, Blizzard has included a handy guide if you feel like setting up your own unattended event.

1. Find a public space with access to the Internet
2. Determine a date for the big day, hours included
3. (Optional) Talk to the owners of the place so they can raise the prices of everything on the big day
4. ~~Spam~~ Spread the word ~~with your friends~~
5. Find some local friends since nobody is willing to travel to your village (WARNING: This is the hardest part of the Gathering setup, and unlike HS, it really requires skill. Most players give up here, but if you are willing to fight your rampant anthropophobia, you might complete this worthless feat!)
6. Attend your event
7. Realize nobody bothered to show up, and thus, you can't earn any of the not-that-great rewards
8. Re-schedule everything
9. Go back to step 2 and repeat everything
Goblins vs Gnomes

**Goblins vs Gnomes, GvG or Powercreepsville** was Hearthstone's first expansion and perhaps its most character-defining one since it was an all-out RNG clusterfuck. Instead of bombarding players with filler cards, the expansion mainly threw every other existing card into the dumpster with obvious powercreep and other OP cards that never got what they deserved.

Much like the dreadful Classic set, players were forced to buy packs or indulge in the economically unfair dust system to get the new cards and be able to rape anyone unlucky enough to not have the new stuff in time.

## Theme

GvG was a pro-apartheidic, race-warlike expansion where ugly, unattractive gnomes and greedy, unintelligent goblins geared up sentient machines to wage their war for them. In short, we got Michael Bay: the expansion, with explosions, rape-bots, and other zappy technological bullshit Blizzard somehow got away with printing.

If you haven't guessed already, this expansion was completely filled with RNG crap that made most players realize they weren't doing anything to deserve any of their wins. Every day, on every forum, butthurt morons would either cry that their games couldn't be won, or that the game was requiring less skill.

## Remarkable Cards

While most of their once OP cards have already been powercreeped, GvG still has a few cancers that stand out from the crowd and make Wild mode more unpleasant every time they show up.

* Piloted Shredder
* Dr. Boom
* Mechwarper and his friends
* Unstable Portal
* Lightbomb

## See also

* Mech decks - This expac's failed abortion
* RNJesus - You'll need his help if you play with these cards
* Wild mode - The only place where you can still put up with GvG crap
* Skill - A HS myth, busted with this expansion's reveal
Dragonqueen Alexstrasza

Holy shit...

Think about dragons. The tribe of massive stat piles that should never, under any circumstance cost 0 mana? Well, in true Blizzardy fashion, Blizzard got us **Dragonqueen Alexstrasza** without hesitation.

This mistake only becomes ever more baffling when You realize this was printed *after* Saviors of Uldum, meaning Highlander decks were already at an all-time high thanks to Zephrys the Great and his peers.

## Strategy

Dragonqueen Alex gives us everything we absolutely love in Hearthstone. Yet another drop-and-win effect, but this time, one that somehow extends further and further into the game. The sheer power level of a 0-cost Deathwing, or Emeriss, or any other legendary dragon cannot be simply described in mere words.

When you realize Alex has threatening stats on her own too, you begin to grasp how unbelievably fucktarded this design really is. When you realize Blizzard has already nerfed her once, but completely missed the real cancerous bits (read: *free* dragons), you should be righteously outraged.
Hearthstone is dead

Saying **HS is dead or dying** is a saltlord catchphrase meant to fear-monger the community of mindless fanboys into being more demanding instead of eating up everything Blizzard shits on their plate. It has become a shitty meme because, even if HS is dying, some saltlords are moronic enough to believe fanboys will ever stop being in denial about it.

## Signs of "life" in HS

It should come as no surprise to know that fanboys will keep dumping their parents' money into the game in a desperate effort to save a company that doesn't care about their existence. This manages to disguise itself as lifeforce, when in reality it is just money coming from a stagnant source that will never let the game grow further.

Blizzard, aware that they cannot show weakness, has also declared that they have reached 100 million players!!! This loses all relevance when you realize that many accounts are bots, fake refer-a-friends for Morgl, or just people you managed to convince to play the tutorial before they gave up because the game sucks. Given that accounts are never deleted, this means that anyone who has played HS once has counted for the statistic.

## Signs of decay in HS

* Casters openly criticize the game's state during pro matches
* More and more fanboys are becoming jaded and aware of Blizzard's bullshit
* The "new" tournament mode announcement video was bombarded with dislikes
* Blizzard has broken the rules of rotations to purge Odd and Even decks from Standard 1 year early
* Pro players are abandoning HS for MtGA and other games
* Blizzard has been forced to have alternate heroes in the preorder bundles just to keep up their sales
* Dean Ayala has asked in a tweet about how to get old players back into the game
* Hearthpwn is slowing down in terms of posts and members
* Blizzard finally had to learn to nerf things on time, even going as far as doing so twice in RR
* All of 2018's expansions bombed in a row
Concede

**Conceding** is the proper course of action after one gets defeated by RNG and perhaps the enemy player too. In fact, the concede button is undisputably the best feature Hearthstone has to offer. Just one click, and you are out of whatever cancerous match you would otherwise still be in. In short, it is the HS equivalent to suicide, in terms of problem-solving abilities, and it is usually followed by the latter.

## When to Concede?

While it is hard to list all the times when conceding is ideal, here is a short list:

* When the enemy summons Patches
* When the enemy has greatly beaten you in tempo
* When you make a mistake
* When you know you've been squelched
* When you play Control vs Jades
* When you pick Standard by accident
* When you notice Wild is also cancer
* When you are aggro and it is already turn 8
* When the enemy drops Ultimate Infestation
* When you are against murlocs
* When you have nothing better to do
* When a secret is played
* When you notice your favorite card has been nerfed
* When any DK is played
* ~~When roping stops being fun~~ It's always fun to rope
* When you get linked to the Salt Thread
* When you notice the game would be better off if you just quit
* When you can't remove Flamewaker or Vicious Fledgling the turn they're played
* When Barnes rolls high
* Right now, as you read this

## Insta-conceding

Insta-conceding is the act of conceding just as the game starts, in order to avoid the stage 5 EbolAIDS you'd certainly get otherwise. Popular among people who hate the game, this method ensures you boost your winrate, since instant concedes do not actually count as losses.

You can also create a deck designed to beat that one class you hate and concede against everything but that. As you rape the guaranteed win matchup, you can brag about it on Hpwn just to generate sweet drama and salt from losers with nothing better to do.

## Shame Concede

Shame concedes happen when you do something so dumb, so fucktarded that even if you play out the rest of your turns as flawlessly as possible, it will not redeem you to the point where you stop being a retard to everyone's eyes including your own.

Some players never shame concede because they believe their inbred ass is entitled to all victories. These are probably the players who lose the most, so you should not be too harsh when you judge them.
Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole

***Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole*** is a 2010 American-Australian computer-animated 3D fantasy-adventure film directed by Zack Snyder and based on the book series *Guardians of Ga'Hoole* by Kathryn Lasky; its plot is deprived from the first three books, "The Capture", "The Journey", and "The Rescue". It was produced by Village Roadshow Pictures and Cruel and Unusual Films and released on September 24, 2010 by Warner Bros. Pictures.

## Why It's Great

1. It opts for a much darker, more serious tone than other animated films aimed at a family audience.
2. The animation is gorgeous, by far some of the best of any animated film; then again, it is Animal Logic, who also provided animation for *Happy Feet* and *The Lego Movie*. But the realistic look helps to capture the feel of the serious tone that this movie is aiming for.
3. Beautiful flight scenes, particularly the scene where Soren flies in the storm.
4. Great action scenes help to make the flight sequences even more fun to watch.
5. The mythology and lore is really complex and interesting.
6. A lot of the characters are pretty likable, including Soren, Gylfie, Digger, Twilight, Ezylryb, and Mrs. Plithiver.
7. Metal Beak, Nyra and Kludd are by far some of the most intimidating villains ever brought to the big screen.
Dragon Priest

"I call on the mighty Drakonid Operative. Haaaa!"

### Brain Cells Required

Precisely 0. More would make you misplay, less would mean you are dead, or worse...

### Core Cards

Drakonid Operative, Netherspite Historian, Duskbreaker other boring dragons

### Nerfed

Rotated

**Dragon Priest**, 90% of which is now thankfully in Wild, is a midrange deck that manages to out-value control decks while pumping out stats ahead of the mana curve. If you intended to play aggro to beat it, you will learn (very harshly) that dragons can also become large taunts and cheap board clears with stats.

## Strategy

Priest has already been given so much dragon synergy that building a deck should be no challenge whatsoever. Just make sure Drakonid Operative is in there somewhere and you'll be golden.

Other than that, just play on curve, mulligan properly against aggro and by turn 3 you will have a fairly clear idea about which player will probably win the game.

If you feel just like the kind of cunt that would get shot *after* he was correctively raped by the whole community, you can also play Cobalt Scalebane to have 4 OP 5-drops instead of 2.
League of Legends

**League of Legends, League of Normies/Retards/Assholes, LoL**or just **Shit**for anyone rational who's ever played it, is a declining game on its last legs desperately clinging to its last ounce of relevance. As their game is fading from relevance, Riot Games has tried *everything* to cater to weaboos, from cutesy skins, to anime eyes, to edgy anti-heroes, to not nerfing Yasuo into unplayability, to all the Star Guardian skins they keep shitting out. Hearthstone, in comparison, looks like a blooming utopia with thoughtful developers nowadays.

In a last-ditch effort to keep the game from dying, Riot has created a new game mode called **Teamfight Tactics,** or **TFT** for short. This game mode is the only reason LoL even gets an article on Hearthstun, since it has been stealing some Twitch streamers during HS's 2018 decline.

## The Community

Riot has the unenviable struggle of dealing with a pack of autists in who the internet's worst traits converge. They have Reddit's mob mentality without the interesting quirks, 4chan's uselessness and degeneracy without the sense of humor, and jokes so unfunny they'd put any Facebook mom or Twitter blue checkmark to shame.

When they're not being living advocates for abortion and eugenics, LoLosers are busy screeching and crying at their screens because their game sucks and they fittingly suck at it. There are people in desert countries that would pay great money to be near a LoL player during a single match. They cry *that* much.

## Teamfight Tactics

TFT was a brilliant idea to keep people interested in LoL; give them a game that isn't LoL. Unfortunately, if you want to play it, you will need to install the main game as well, which is a significant drawback, since no one in their right mind wants to be near it in any way. It combines strategy with blind luck, as the main game already did. However, instead of your victory being determined by which team gets the worst player, it now gets determined by whose bots are stupider. If your team decides to split up and attack different enemies at once, you will lose. Fun!
Giggling Inventor

**Giggling Inventor** was BDP's only playable card until Blizzard did something about it. Now, it has fallen from grace, instead providing 10 dust to morons who still buy BDP packs for whatever reason.

## Strategy

In the days of old, GI was a fucking headache that only fools would neglect to include in their decks. You played it on turn five and 2 Annoy-o-trons would rape your opponent's board by making your face untouchable for 4 turns.

Now, however, this card is as filler as they come, and BDP has become a completely worthless expansion.
Khartut Defender

**Khartut Defender** is the logical conclusion of powerful reborn minions. This was accomplished by giving it taunt and deathrattle as well as fucktarded stats to truly screw your opponent. Oh, and it is a neutral. Of course.

## Strategy

To make our most diverse members able to understand how ridiculous this card is, we'll put this in equation. For 6 mana you get:

1 3/4 taunt + 1 3/1 taunt (which can be healed to 4) + 3 health deathrattle + 3 health deathrattle

So, in other words, this stupid card gets played on turn 6 and fucks aggro up, as well as being an overall nuisance to anyone trying to put a Big Priest out of his misery.

Of course, if an enemy silences you, the big scary mummy that comes back to life is reduced to a being almost as pathetic as an average fanboy, so there's that.
Hearthstun Wiki

## Welcome to the Hearthstun Wiki

Welcome to Hearthstun (spelled Hearths-toon), the most suitable wiki for Hearthstone facts, history and other such stupidity, created by saltlords, for saltlords.

## What the hell is this about?!

As we all know, Hearthstone is a fun game that sometimes makes everyone salty beyond measure.

Hearthstun is supposed to provide proper insight into some of Hearthstone's greatest concepts and struggles, while letting readers know about what they are getting themselves into, if they are, by any chance, new. Decks, memes, people, behavior, all can be documented in Hearthstun, and most of the time we are not friendly about it.

Usually, you'd head to the Salt Thread to vent your frustrations at the game. Now, however, you can do it here too, by either reading or writing about whatever hunk of digital stupidity in this game that drove you over the edge.

Most of the content here is rage-induced satire, which means we are immune to criticism.

## Getting started

A few good links to begin your adventure in this shitpost-fest:

* Hearthstone
* Classes
* Hearthpwn
* Ben Brode
* Rotations
* Salt
* Fanboys

## Latest activity

Photos and videos are a great way to add visuals to your wiki. Find videos about your topic by exploring Fandom's Video Library.

File:Placeholder
Pavel

**Pavel** is a pro player from Russia. He became famous for being very good in the HS tournament of 2016. Not once, but twice, Babbling Book gave him a perfect answer to both Thaurissan and Malygos, the latter even being a top-deck to add insult to injury. This earned the card the name Pavelling Book.

He has, of course, done other things in recent years. Unfortunately those were never as skill-testing as his 2016 tournament, and thus they will always look like sequels to the former shitflipping spectacle.
Out of Cards

**Out of Cards** is another forum related to Hearthstone. The truth was, up until recently, nobody cared about it, but after some drama related to Hearthpwn, Curse being a greedy company and a great exodus of people from the previous king of HS forums, it is now a strong contender for the number one website where people can bitch about different things.

## Things that OOC offers that Hearthpwn does not

* Downvotes, which means better chances for fanboy circlejerking
* A search engine for cards that doesn't fucking suck
* Mods that weren't put on their thrones by scamming bastards
* Kaladin's torrent of salt on its brand new Salt Thread
* Most noteworthy people that were on the previous site and left it
* Blizzard's favor and support

## Things that OOC lacks in comparison to Hearthpwn

* Sherman shitting on everyone and then complaining about it
* Retards like TardisGreen, because the downvotes weed them out
* Most saltlords present in the previous site
* A shitty code
* Identified upvotes, so you know whose opinions suck
Odd Paladin

Like Quest Warrior, but with a game-breaking hero power on turn 1!

### Brain Cells Required

You need to have negative cells. If you don't, you will lose the few you have. Only a lobotomized ape can play Odd Paladin without devolving further.

### Core Cards

Baku the Mooneater, Fungalmancer, any Silver Hand synergy card you find that has an odd cost

### Nerfed

Level Up! now costs 6 mana!

**Odd Paladin** is one of the two good decks that the shitshow called Witchwood gave us. It follows Blizzard's ideology that, yes, a hero power should be able to doubly penetrate the opponent as soon as turn one with the coin. It has had a reign of terror that is yet to be ended.

## Strategy

With deckbuilding out of the window, you can focus on the most important part of playing Hearthstone. You just keep hero powering every turn, and your opponent is forced to try to get rid of all your guys every turn. If they can't, you can just slam whatever board buff you get your spergy hands on and deliver fucktons of damage for nearly no cost.

The only counter to Odd Paladin (besides roping) is playing a class with endless board clears, and being lucky enough to draw them all on time. Alternatively, one could also play Odd Paladin too. Odd Pally mirror matchups tend to be nothing but fun and skill.

## See also

* Cancer
* Hero Power
* Witchwood
* Aggro
* Retardation
* Roping
* Odd decks
Powercreep

**Powercreep** is a common tactic employed by Blizzard that serves not only as an excuse for poor design, but also as a way to print out slightly less bad filler cards every expansion. Much like design space, it is all bullshit.

## How it works

Let's say you have a 2 mana 3/2 with no tribe or text, shall we? Now let's say Brode, in his endless wisdom, prints out a 2 mana 3/3. This is powercreep, since the second card clearly fucks the first one in the ass and makes playing the first one completely pointless. Powercreep, however, is a good thing!

Making cards that are more powerful than others opens up design space, because now, the older, weaker cards no longer restrict newer ones. This is a lie, because all it does is create a new, stronger restriction on every following card while making the older ones obsolete.

## What it actually means

By ~~acknowledging~~ pretending powercreep is fine, you enable Bli$$ard to print better versions of cards no one gives a fuck about instead of actually buffing said cards. Occasionally, they will even print out versions which are so much better they are retardedly overpowered.
Journey to Un'Goro

**Journey to Un'Goro, Un'goro for short or That one expansion where Brode raps** is the most overrated expansion in HS so far, taking advantage of the rotations to make itself look like it was far better than it actually was. In reality, the only thing this expansion has that WotOG did not is art that isn't fugly.

## Theme

Did you ever want to visit Jurassic Park without leaving your toilet? Did you feel like spending twice the cash in this game for legendaries alone? Un'Goro lets players do both.

With dinosaurs, natural disasters and quests, players were supposed to feel like explorers venturing through Nature's biggest challenges. This, instead meant a truckload of discover cards and the inevitable turning of the mechanic into cancer.
Morgl

**Morgl** is an alternative Shaman hero portrait. Coincidentally, it is also a brain-dead frog that pretends to be wise. Reminds you of something?

Most players would rather pick someone else, but he's amassed a certain popularity among poor people due to the fact that he's free.

His emotes are gibberish, his death sound is high-pitched ear rape and his only redeeming quality is the splashy animation when he summons basic totems.

## How2get

Getting Morgl is a simple, time-consuming prospect. All you need to do is pretend you have 5 friends that actually want to play Hearthstone and refer them. To do this, you need to create 5 fake accounts, refer them, and level them up to level 20. In addition to an old murloc portrait, you will get 4 Classic packs, one for each previous friend you refer.

By the end of 2016, there had been so many fake accounts that Blizzard proudly declared their HS userbase to have reached 80 million players. assuming that one in many a 6 accounts is the only real player, the math becomes a lot more unimpressive.
Demon Hunter

**Demon Hunter**is Blizzard's new addition to the already flawless 9 classes in Hearthstone. Being something hyped up by clueless WoWhales for years, the developers decided to give it a few more tools than they'd normally give, to encourage everyone to play nothing but demon hunter, every match a mirror, over and over again.

After the expected result, Blizzard was surprisingly quick in nerfing Illidan a bit. It's not enough, of course, but gradually, we can hope Demon Hunter becomes so unplayable it can be treated as the non-existent class it was for most of Hearthstone's scarred history. Doing it slowly at least halts the stream of salt from the whales that preordered this monstrosity.

## Things Demon Hunter got in a single set

* The best basic board clear in the game
* Cheap lifesteal weapons
* Cheap lifesteal spells
* An odd deck so broken even Odd Paladin can't compete
* Gigantic minions that should not, under any circumstance, have been printed
* A broken, snowbally 1-drop
* A way to disregard taunts and deal obscene face damage
* Zoo synergy
* Rush synergy
* Demon synergy
* The easiest conditional requirement ever
* Absolutely disgusting card draw
* Disgusting cost reduction for said card draw
* Mechanics akin to Ragnaros and Naxxramas Warlock

In conjunction, these minor elements have given us a new, inventive class unlike anything we've ever seen. ~~srsly Blizzard nerfnerfnerf holy fuck~~ Join us next time when Monk gets added with a passive hero power that grants it 4 armor per turn!

## Demon Hunter players

It is difficult to really come up with the defining features of DH players, because everyone in their right mind is currently exploiting it. In fact, you should be spamming DH right now to bring about another nerf even sooner, and thus make many a preordering moron miserable. Despite the ubiquitous nature of DH exploiters, we still found traits in our research.

Common Demon Hunter traits include:

* A simple mind. There is a frightening similarity between a DH player's brain and a chimp's. Barring short-term memory, which the latter excels in by far, their capacities are on par.
* Lack of knowledge about the world outside. This might be just because they play Hearthstone, but it should not be disregarded that simply.
* A horrible smell of death protruding from their mouth/ass. It's difficult to distinguish each cavity, but some say the smell is the same. Experts speculate this is due to the inner decadence of DH players in general.
* An uncanny fascination with CP. Half DH players have already been in trouble with the law once. The other half is yet to be caught red-handed.
* An obsession with the "friendzone". Illidan himself seems to draw people in similar situations, meaning butt ugly apes who are after people who are already taken. Unlike Illidan, however, the only lives these apes will save are the ones of their fleas whenever they choose not to shower.
Blizzard

**Blizzard** is the massively rich entity that is guilty of creating Hearthstone. Of course, such a massive organization has several branches, many of them not even associated with this God-forsaken game, but whenever one wants to complain, it is still widely accepted as easier and understandable to simply blame Blizzard. If you position yourself somewhere on the autistic spectrum, then you can be more accurate by blaming **Team 5** instead.

## Hierarchy

Nobody exactly knows what goes on inside the headquarters. In Hearthstun, nobody cares about anyone there other than Team 5, the true culprits of Hearthstone's unleashing upon this world. And you can bet Team 5 itself has a hierarchy of its own. While most members of the team acknowledge how cancerous the HS community is, and thus ignore it, the ravenous HStoners still have a few names on their hit list:

* Ben Brode - The former ringleader who was often blamed for everything by the community. Went AWOL to create Second Dinner.
* Yong Woo - Another developer who joined in on Brode's Exodus to join his company.
* Peter Whalen - Brode 2.0. He unnerfed Yogg! As we speak, Hearthstun is building him a shrine.
* Dean Ayala - ~~Someone who doesn't fuck up very often, and thus does not warrant that much hate from the community yet~~ hist favorite deck is Secret Mage, fuck that shit.
* Mike Donais - A brilliant mind who, after fucking up Magic the Gathering, decided to rape HS. He decided to print Jade Idol just so he could prove everyone wrong
* Dave Kosak - The new man in charge of HS's marketing and public speaking, I think? He has the energy and potential to become the new Brode, even though his voice cracks a little in a funny way. Treats the community like children to generate the perfect amount of butthurt.

## Methodology

Whenever ~~something~~ everything goes wrong, Blizzard has a trusty plethora of methods to postpone delivering the proper solution and carry on with their clusterfucky antics. See the flowchart for details.
Snipers

**Snipers, hailing from the Sniper Guild** are lonely, lifeless, worthless, pathetic cunts who, instead of doing the already sad task that is playing Hearthstone arena, decide to only do so for the chance of beating some Twitch streamer you probably never heard about. Some targets might be preferred to others, mainly thanks to the absolutely ridiculous scenes they might make.

## How to snipe like a pro

These days, Kripp shields himself by delaying his footage so his foes cannot play around his hand. This means you need to get a friend account spectating his hand while you play against Kripp yourself. Of course, knowing a sniper's intelligence and character, finding actual friends might be difficult (since quite literally *anything* else is more entertaining than sniping for non-autists) and doing all of this on your own might mean you get confused and concede due to insufficient brainpower.

## Other ways to snipe

According to Kripp, in his many hilarious episodes, you are sniping if:

* You win
* You play in a way that renders his tech cards useless
* You top-deck Flamestrike
* You position your minions properly
* You manage to outplay a single secret

In other words, if you play well, surely you are sniping, because no one can play better than Kripp in arena.
Patches the Pirate

A card that visually matches the condition of those who play it

> "*I am in charge now. Well, I am roping now, bitch. Enjoy your fast games.*"
> ― czdatka, Hearthpwn user, giving us all the secret to beating Patches
>
>

**Patches the Cancer** ~~is~~ was a cankerous legendary minion from MSoG that, like many other cards, never should have been printed. In fact, Patches was such a strong contender to the worst designed card ever spot that few others managed to even compare themselves to the king.

When he wasn't busy being unjustly allowed to exist and ruining metas and expansion after expansion, Patches spent his time being drawn in your starting hand and making disgusting noises.

## Strategy

While the hardest thing about Patches was not forgetting to hit face/enemy Patches before ending your first turn, that by itself can be considered a real challenge for the retards that play most Patches-related decks.

Some people also sacrifice their own Patches to Golakka Crawlers, rightly disgusted by the needling presence of such an atrocious creation in their board. Here, the challenge is to attack with Patches before it is destroyed.

Nowadays, in the golden post-chemo era, Patches proudly serves as an expensive filler card.

## History

Patches is a relatively young card, but he has a history nonetheless. He showed up during the Gadgetzan Mistake, and within two days everyone was already sick of him.

During a moment of lucidity, Blizzard considered nerfing Patches, before realizing that would mean refunding 1600 dust to every little cuckold that crafted him. Instead, they nerfed other pirate synergy cards and Patches lived on to keep raping the meta as we know it.

In an extra moment of kindness, however, Blizzard somehow took a deep breath and decided to stomp out Patches like the little tumor he is, two months before he rotated out. This made Standard players who exploited Wild mode sometimes particularly butthurt.
Echo

**Echo** is both the more exciting and shittier of the two keywords brought to us by Witchwood, the loser in both these fields being Rush. In essence, echo as a keyword stopped existing shortly after its introduction, because Blizzard and consistency are complete strangers. Not that it matters; there are only 2 or 3 cards that ever see play regardless.

## Echo and You

Here are the only ways you may find echo in your shitty games:

* By playing Monster Hunt
* By getting a shitty Zombeast from a Deathstalker Rexxar hero power that, at most, gets to be played twice
* By playing Warpath or Phantom Militia (the class that runs them is the same)
* By playing a homebrew deck and thus losing
* RNG

For anyone counting, that means 2 cards you will actively include in deckbuilding, and the rest being watered down to pure luck. Success!
Meta

**The Hearthstone Meta**is the inevitable shitfest of cancerous decks that one is doomed to face endlessly if they are to try to enjoy the game. Fanboys often try to justify the meta regardless of how bad it gets, with excuses as laughable as they are nonsensical. Fanboys aside, most Hearthstone players are aware of how awful the meta always is, regardless of the expansion, and strive to crush it with techs and other such faggotries, which either end up changing the meta to something ~~else~~ worse or failing miserably.

A "diverse" meta, by HS standards, means 3 viable (God-tier) decks, with 2 others quite far behind, and at least 1 unplayable class. Of course, HS standards are shit, and this means these stats are exactly the kind of crap any card game should try to avoid.

## Meta-crusher decks

Meta-crushers are meaningless lies added to most deck titles so they gain views. Since every competitive deck is supposed to handle the meta, it is, by definition, "meta-crushing". Any mention of this fake attribute should result in an immediate downvote as well as a report so it is justly removed from whatever site you are using.

## Excuses, excuses, excuses...

As per usual, fanboys will do everything within their power to save their beloved game from negative criticism. This includes nonsense like:

"Every online game has a meta. HS is no exception." - Fanboy pretending other games have such harsh metas as HS.

"Dude, really? Don't complain about the meta 1 month before a new expac." - Better yet, never complain!

"Okay, the meta is pretty bad. But it has already been way worse!" - Almost cured, still delusional fanboy
Blackrock Mountain

**Blackrock Mountain** is Hearthstone's second adventure, which shows no improvement on Blizzard's behalf ever since Naxxramas came out. It was built on the great idea of creating a tribe for dragons, and wrongly assumed that that would be enough to create well-designed content.

## Theme

As mentioned above, the adventure thrives on boring-as-fuck, dragon-based tempo, and every boss fight is literally the same. Besides Nefarian being worse than Kel'Thuzad in every way as far as bosses go, from humor to actual originality, people were often too bored to give enough of a damn to even criticize the adventure by itself.

## Atrocities

No Blizzard creation is ever complete without a proper list of all the shit the world would be better off without.

* Thaurissan - The card that made every combo-fag jizz
* Grim Patron - A card Hearthpwn yet again failed to notice before it was too late. May it never again be seen
* Every fucking dragon from here onwards is technically BRM's fault
* Majordomo Executus - Perhaps the shittiest legendary card ever released, loses every game he RNGs himself into
* Flamewaker - The uber-broken heap of smegma that Blizzard intentionally placed on the last wing, since there was no other reason for anyone to spend 700 gold in it
Card Backs

A **card back** is an irrelevant cosmetic element some cunts think matters a lot. Some people pick card backs that fit with the theme of their deck, while others hope it showcases their skill. In reality, card backs are often just about showing off that you've been playing Hearthstone since a particular ancient date, and exactly how many priceless months you've wasted from your life like a gigantic loser.

The only card back that is permanently available is the classic one and the Legend one, meaning that by now even 2015 card backs are more exclusive than Legend ones.

## How to get

There are various ways to get card backs:

* Reach Legend
* Win 5 ranked games and get above Rank 20 before the month ends
* Beat Heroic Mode in an adventure (through netdecking, of course, you lame-ass cunt)
* Win some Tavern Brawls
* Complete a Dungeon Run with all 9 classes
* Complete a Monster Hunt
* Giving Blizzard your money before an expansion comes
* Spending gold on the shop (WARNING: you will lessen the implicit value of the card back by doing this)

## See also

* Legend
* Ranked
* Dungeon Runs
* Preorder
Druid

**Druid**is one of HS's 9 classes. Its card color is a shitty brown that matches the skill level of most druid exploiters players. If there is one thing druids are known for, it's their versatility. This clearly means the class is asking for a massive nerf, which Blizzard ~~might~~ has delivered a few months too late.

During the majority of the Year of the Raven, Druid became the top dog, which is not very surprising given that it already did that the year before too. We can only hope Blizzard fires whoever mains Druid in their HQ as quickly as possible so we can see some proper nerfs.

## Identity

Asides from being hideously broken, druids have been forced into given different playstyles over the years, most of which were complete failures:

* Having removal that eats ass
* Having board clears that eat ass
* Playing 7-drops on turn 2
* Mechs
* Being able to flood the board with several shitty minions for stupid sudden damage
* Drawing fucktons of cards
* Forcing the enemy to draw fucktons of cards
* Healing, I guess?
* Beast synergy
* C'Thun decks
* Jades and avoiding fatigue
* 5-attack minions
* Gaining 20 armor in 1 turn
* Aviana + Kun bullshit, until Blizzard mercy-killed it entirely

## The players

Unsurprisingly, most druid players are bottom-feeders both in society and online, and few people, even in HS, can match these sods in patheticness. Druids often disconnect from matches, not just because of rage, but also because they lack the money to afford proper equipment to play HS. Sometimes, they might instead be being beaten up by their landlord so they pay the rent too. Use these distractions to your advantage.

Being the wimps they are, druids are by far the least likely to interact with anyone else, even through Hpwn, as their weakness is far too noticeable for any and all interaction. Don't expect to see any of them anywhere outside.
Wisp

**Wisp** is a 0-mana card so irrelevant it is not even getting an infobox. HStoners call it INFINITE VALUE because they suck at math. It has already been powercreeped by a beast and a murloc and nobody cares about those two either. Were this Elder Scrolls: Legends, it could see play, but in Hearthstone it has no chance. You can do the world a favor by never mentioning this card to anyone and pretending it doesn't exist.
Lackeys

**Lackeys/Lackies** are 1 mana 1/1 battlecry tokens that can be generated by a variety of cards. A total of seven lackeys exist, meaning any tactic that relies on them requires *at least* a 1/7 roll. With all that in mind, it's easy to see why Blizzard bumped their number up from 5 and later 6.

Lackeys can either win the game or do jackshit, depending on how good of a player you are.

## Things lackeys can do (for 1 mana!)

* Evolve another minion
* Deal 2 damage
* Give another minion rush and +1 attack
* Discover a spell
* Summon a random 2-cost minion
* Give a minion +2 health and taunt
* Discover a dragon

What's that, you say? Some of these suck while others sound good at almost any time? Tough shit. Blizzard can't nerf something this simple, so they just balance it out by pissing in the pool of cards. It's good design if broken mechanics sometimes are shitty, right?

## Lackey Exploiters

* Galakrond Rogue
* Shudderwock Shaman
Galakrond

**Galakrond, TL;DR Titles** is a hero card (and deck!) released for the 5 EVIL classes in Descent of Dragons. He used to be serious business until something even more broken squashed him to dust the following expansion. As with anything multiple classes get, his power level ranges from shit to auto-Legend, but we'll get to that soon.

## Mechanics

If you want to play Galakrond, you are advised to include his boring Invoke cards too. There is a colorful array of spells and minions to pick from, fitting all kinds of decks you can think of! Some of the more exciting ones are as follows:

* A severely understatted rush minion
* A tempo-friendly taunt minion
* A whirlwind that is 3x more expensive
* A regular 1-drop
* An expensive removal spell
* A worse Sinister Strike
* A Magma Rager, but one that might have even more attack!

By now, you are probably noticing that most of these cards are pretty damn terrible on their own. What gives? Well, invoking Galakrond (in a deck that has him in it) will actually trigger the effect of his hero power once he is finally played. So, that shitty rush minion we mentioned before? He will deal 2 damage AND add a lackey to a rogue's hand. What's that, you still find it underwhelming? Well, we never marketed this deck as fun, but Blizzard did.

Anyway, the more you invoke, the harder Galakrond will rape your opponent when, and if, you manage to play it. At his peak, he will even equip an Arcanite Reaper for free.

## Power Levels

Let's cut to the chase, here. No priest player alive has ever witnessed their Galakrond winning a game through his own hero power. If anything, Galakrond was used to wipe the board, and immediately replaced by a Death Knight to win some Wild game no one will remember.

Some warrior tards tried to use their Galakrond with pirates. They were gently reminded that being a retard that can't count to turn seven means that cards with their costs above that won't matter in their games.

Warlock's Galakrond is a walking contradiction that fails because, like Pirate Warrior, Zoolock is not meant to go to turn 7, unless it is to wrap things up. Drawing Galakrond at the right time might just mean he gets to finish opponents off with a nifty little board, but he is mostly a dead draw that you will happily discard for Soulfire.

A lot of rogues ran Galakrond, even without most Invoke cards, simply because even his basic battlecry is the most abusive thing anyone has ever seen. Getting 5 armor, drawing 4 cards, equipping a 5/2 weapon and reducing those cards' mana cost to 0 was deemed just a little too much by our caring developers, and now the price of the drawn cards is just reduced (or increased) to 1.

And then we have shaman. As usual, the whole class's disgusting battlecry synergy comes back to bite Blizzard in the ass, and they had to, very unfortunately, nerf Galakrond in a way that makes it nearly impossible to play other cards or even hero power in the same turn. Awesome as this was, shaman's Galakrond still sees play.
Pitytracker.com

**pitytracker.com** is a website where poor people go to keep track of the packs they open, so they can better predict how many months away they are from opening their next legendary.

Allegedly, the origin of the pity timer is related to the fact that your luck can only get so shitty before the gods take pity on you. Recently, experts have speculated that perhaps it is called pity timer because only the pitifully poor actually count their packs.

## People who count their packs

* Free2Players
* People with enough self-control to not get preorder bundles
* You
* Hearthstun Wiki
* Saltlords
* Redditors
* Hearthpwn
* Ben Brode
* Anyone who isn't a whale or Kripparrian
* Blitzchung
One Night in Karazhan

**One Night in Karazhan, ONiK, "Oh shit, is it expansion time already?" or "Blizzard does improv"** is the sad, uninspired, last adventure Hearthstone got. Predictably, this one has been filled to the brim with shitty filler cards to justify the need to abolish adventures for good.

## Theme

Many people longed for the introduction of Karazhan into HS. Of course, when they learned what we were getting was a bad porno parody of The Great Gatsby meeting WoW, everyone on Hearthpwn cried about their precious lore.

The adventure is set in a party where young Medivh is ~~raped~~ abducted by a demon and it is up for the player to rescue him. While disappointing, this premise at least compensates for the fact no HStoner will ever be invited to an actual party.

Card-wise, not much can be said. Most minions and spells are coprophagic (and thus cannibalistic) in any situation and leave much to be desired. The one exception is Barnes, whose theme is actually closer to stageplay than actual partying.

## Notable car... wait a minute

Since everything sucks, nothing is playable. If nothing is playable, it is outright impossible to make a list of cancerous cards. However, it is still possible to give a list of the most blatant, least inspired pieces of trash to come out of this travesty.

* Pompous Thespian - 2 mana 3/2 Taunt. Excited yet?
* Moat Lurker - Besides the card art reflecting the average HS player very accurately, nothing good to be said about it
* Pantry Spider - If it sounds bad, it's because it is
* Purify - A card so bad that upon its reveal Brode had to bullshit his way out of a pickle
* Arcanosmith - "But it nerfs evolve for the 4-mana slot!"
* Ethereal Peddler - "Crap, rogue exists! Quick, someone add random text to a card!" - Blizzard
* Protect the King - Well, at least it did not look like it was filler until it failed miserably
* Moroes
Charge

> "*I'm in chaaaarge now!*"
> ― Patches, before the awesome nerf that gutted him for good
>
>

**Charge** is a forlorn mechanic that Blizzard won't ever touch again because of how retardedly unbalanced it is. With the introduction of rush, they don't have to, and we can be glad that the aggrotard mechanic is gone.

It has, by now, become so thankfully irrelevant that even this article should refuse to go over it into too much detail. Here are, instead, several better articles that are related to charge and still kinda relevant today.

* Face Hunter
* OTK
* Huffer
* Cancer
* Rush
* Aggro
* Retardation
Descent of Dragons

**Descent of Dragons or DoD** is 2019's last expansion. It is singlehandedly responsible for smug people who'd cried about there not being enough dragons in the game so far and being rightly told to shut the fuck up before this expansion was announced.

Despite that, things did look pretty good, especially when compared with the previous year's massive disappointment. Blizzard had just recovered from the Blitzchung controversy and they managed to pull back many of their whales that tried (and failed) to go astray in protest against China.

## Theme

Every class was getting dragons. But these weren't the boring, tempo-friendly, trashy dragons you're used to. Instead, these dragons were related to actual gameplay, with interesting and powerful effects that were able to get people other than Kibler to want to play them.

The league of EVIL is also awakening Galakrond, and everyone gets it for free.

The expansion's only risk seemed to be powercreep, but Blizzard had just the right amount of saltlords under their banners to know exactly what to do in case of those.

## History's Judgement

On one hand, Galakrond fucked everyone up the ass and it wasn't pretty. We got atrocities like Dragonqueen Alexstrasza and several other dragons that life would be better without. On the other hand, Blizzard effectively reduced most of the problematic cards to dust, and quite quickly too, and they did it through everyone's favorite method. We can say 2019 didn't end too badly for a Hearthstone year, especially if we take into account the the Year of the Failure and its low bar.
Duskbreaker

**Aggrobreaker** is a rape button against aggro decks that Blizzard decided to give to Dragon Priest for no discernible reason. Picture a Hellfire that spawns a 3/3 body and doesn't damage your hero, while at the same time being a dragon in your hand. Somehow, it did not sound like a bad idea to our geniuses behind HS.

## Strategy

3 damage will kill literally anything an aggro retard has dropped in the first 4 turns. Therefore, this card will clear the board and be ready to trade into anything the hapless inbred you are facing might put forth afterwards. In other words, when you play this against fast decks you win. Congrats!