Episode 52: World Wide Ark

https://globehell.libsyn.com/

## Episode Summary

With Global Warming (TM) taking the world by firestorm our polar ice caps are melting and will spill onto cities soon. Okay. What will you do about it? Could you be the next Noah and collect two of every item?

## Idea Details

* Idea: Globe Hell Cruise, World Wide Ark
* Creator of idea: Drew
* Purpose of idea: Well, Josiah, you know, uh it's extremely hot. I don't know how it is in Montreal right now; in Calgary it's about 35 degrees uh Celsius; I believe for our American friends that's about 95 degrees Fahrenheit (Josiah: "Well first of all, I don't think it's very leftist of you to consider any Americans your friends.") Why not? They're my - well, you're right! You're right, Josiah! For my comrades - for my comrades - (Josiah: "You ever seen the stuff that America's done? Washington Capitals? I mean, Tampa Bay Lightning? Whatever it is? These fucking guys?") It's an awful - it's an awful uh - it's an awful place. But we have to admit that a large base of our uh audience comes from there. (Josiah: "But we should be shaming them at every moment, say uh, 'Shame on you.' Sha- I call it 'Shame-erica.' 'Sham-erica.' Would it be better to be 'Shame-erica' or - I don't want someone to shame a girl na- if you have a girl in your life named Erica, don't shame her, but - well, maybe! I don't know her.") You don't know what she's done. (Josiah: "Maybe that's sorta how they got the name of the country, is someone said, 'I am Erica,' and just abbrev'ed to Am- America. Am Erica.") Well, Josiah, it's extremely hot, and we know the reason it's so hot, it's because - (Josiah: "How hot is it, Drew? How hot is it?") Well I already said it's hot. (Josiah: "No, I mean, sort of in a more of a metaphorical -") It's very hot. (Josiah: "Like he's - it feels like you're setting up a joke. We can do jokes sometimes. It's so hot that... you are...") So, well, so hot that people are, you know, well, they're, I mean, they're suffering from streak. Uh not streak haha, I don't know what streak is. (Josiah: "People are suffering from sunstreak.") Yeah. Um people are s- (Josiah: "The - when your suntan lotion gets to - your hair gets streaks in it.") Well, that. Also that. Also that. People are suffering exhaustion. (Josiah: "Drew's suffering from swim trunk streaks uh in the back uh uh brown lines of shit that's smeared in there. Chlorine doesn't get rid of that, buddy. That's for damn sure.") But what's even worse is the polar icecaps are melting. (Josiah: "So what does that mean, exactly? Polar - polar -") Well, think about it, Josiah. Where do the polar bear live? (Josiah: "Uhhh Coca-Cola.") Well, they don't live in Coca-Cola. (Josiah: "Are you sure?") They live in Antarctica. (Josiah: "Ant...") So essentially, what's happening - (Josiah: "So there's someone's named Erica who says, 'I am Erica, this is my aunt -' ") Arctica. (Josiah: "Just trying to think of sort of a way that's easy to remember the countries. Sort of a -") Well you could just remember them. (Josiah: "Like how you remember the guitar strings: Every Boy Is Good - Good, or something. Is that what it is? Every Boy Good. Uh.") Well the point, Josiah, is that the world is getting hotter, the icecaps are melting - (Josiah: "What's an icecap? You're talking about Tim Horton's?") No, it's not - it's like a uh it's an iceberg! (Josiah: "Titanic! Well that's good! Fuck icebergs, they killed Jack and Rose!") Well, that's an interesting point. (Josiah: "I guess Rose didn't. Which one's alive?") Well they're probably both dead now, but Jack died in the - in the uh ice. He got frozen. (Josiah: "Yeah, well that's no good. I mean, fuck the icebergs! Melt em! I say melt em!") You think we should just melt em? (Josiah: "Well they - it's gonna kill Leonardo DiJackio. And James Cameron, he's loves nature and he made that movie, so what does that say?") Well that's a good point. That's a good point because when the polar icecaps are completely melted and the ocean has risen, we will have a new kind of nature; we'll have even more ocean and we'll have new landmarks and what else - (Josiah: "N-") What. (Josiah: "Can you really - I - I don't wanna play devil already but can you have a land- you call it a landmark but you're saying it's gonna be ocean - on the ocean.") Mhm. (Josiah: "Uh and land usually - ") But there- there's gonna be - there's gonna be - (Josiah: "- usually when you're on the ocean you say, 'Land ho!' if you're a pirate and -") - there's gonna be points where - where the ocean meets the land - (Josiah: "- and then someone says the word 'ho' and then you say, 'Oh, is someone talking to me?' ") Josiah, there's gonna be a new coastline. These are - there are gonna be new landmarks along this coastline. Does that make sense to you? (Josiah: "So there will still be land. So there's still land.") There's still land. It's not gonna be completely ocean. (Josiah: "So everything's basically gonna be the same, is what you're saying.") No, it's not gonna be the same. It's gonna be mostly the same, but there's gonna be more ocean. (Josiah: "So who cares.") Well that's the thing, Josiah. One reason to care is because if you love cruises, things are gonna get a lot whole lot better. And there are all types of cool cruises that you can go on as things are opening up. I've been looking for a vacation to go on, looking at different cruises, what kind of cruises do I wanna go on? Do I wanna go to the Bahamas? Do I wanna go to somewhere like Alaska? Maybe somewhere where you wouldn't expect, you know? Something like that! (Josiah: "I've heard - you know, when I hear- when I first sort of met you, I asked some of - some people, 'What's the deal with this Drew guy?' And they always told me, 'If there's one thing Drew loves to do sorta late at night, on the weekend, etc., and you might not know this term, you can look it up - Urban Dictionary - but if there's one thing Drew loves to do it's cruising.' ") Exactly. And I've been looking at all these different cruises and I am overwhelmed with the possibilities, Josiah. (Josiah: "K. I'm hoping this is leading towards some kind of leftist perspective.") Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. I'm talking about a Globe Hell Cruise, Josiah. This could be a great way for us to not only meet our fans, to uh - we can get other podcasts to come on. I don't know what podcasts would be interested. We could get Gulch on with us. (Josiah: "So let me just rewind. Cause this is a show about ideas and about changing the world. And you're saying whether we like it or not, the world's gonna change to turn into mostly water world. 'You're like the shit that won't flush,' kind of thing from that movie, uh *Waterworl-* *Waterman-world*.") *Aquaman*. (Josiah: "And so you're saying that we - you wanna become a boat? Instead of a podcast, you want us to become a boat.") No, what I want us to do is to start a cruise, we'll have a Globe Hell Cruise, see how it goes, um hopefully it goes well enough that this can become an annual thing like the annual McCool Christmas comedy cruise, we can do it a bunch of times, eventually we're gonna be able to save up enough for our own boat, and at that point - (Josiah: "Wait, what do you mean? We're not gonna have -") Just listen to me. Just listen to me. At that point, we're gonna have our own boat - (Josiah: "But what will we do for the start? Without our own boat?") We'll just be renting it! You don't think Weezer actually owns a cruise boat, do you? (Josiah: "I don't know, they sold a lot of records.") What about McCool? Do you think Sam McCool - (Josiah: "I mean, he's fuckin pimp. So yeah! That one definitely!") He is a pimp. He is a pimp. Well we're gonna rent the cruise ships at first, but eventually we're gonna buy one, a discounted one that I've already been looking at. But we'll get into that. By that point, Globe Hell W- uh globe - Whoa, I got confused - global warming. Um... was gonna call global warming Globe Hell Warning, if you can believe it. (Josiah: "Oh my God. You're just fallin- who would - like -") Hopefully Globe Hell Warning will one day be more popular than global warming. (Josiah: "You're saying more popular than glob- cause global warming is very popular right now. People are talking about it all the time.") It's true. Anyways, what I wanted to say, hopefully by the time - (Josiah: "What do you wanna say? Spit it out.") Hopefully by the time we can afford our own boat, global warming will have melted the icecaps, uh there will be a new society rising - (Josiah: "Just like the water.") - uh, we'll be on the ocean. Yes. And we'll be - we'll have our own boat, we'll have our own little ark on the Globe Hell Cruise, Josiah. (Josiah: "Our own ark??") Our own ark. Like the ark of Noah.
* Timetable: No timetable was given for either the Globe Hell Cruise or the World Wide Ark, but they will have to both be ready before the polar icecaps melt, which should be in the next few years.
* Idea details:
	+ Josiah and Drew will start an annual Globe Hell Cruise, which will help them meet their fans. They will invite other podcasts on the cruises with them, such as *It's a Beautiful Day in the Gulch* from the Patreon-exclusive The Toilet Tapes episodes.
	+ Josiah and Drew will rent the cruise ships for the annual Globe Hell Cruise for the first few years until they can afford to buy their very own cruise ship at a discount.
	+ Around the time that Josiah and Drew buy their own cruise ship, the polar icecaps will have melted and there will be a new society rising on the ocean. At this time, the cruise ship will instead function as an ark.
	+ Josiah and Drew will be the rulers and captains and co-captains of the Globe Hell Cruise.
	+ The Globe Hell Cruise will naturally become a loose floating sex vehicle at some point, but since cruise ships only have one set of keys, there will need to be a different non-key-based system for swinging on the cruise ship, which has yet to be determined.
	+ The cruise ship that Josiah and Drew will eventually buy is the Carnival Triumph cruise ship, which had an infamous poop-based incident in 2013 that will make it very affordable to purchase.
	+ Because the cruise ship will also be an ark, there will need two be two of each. Meaning two cats, two dogs, two of every person, etc.
	+ The cruise ship will be able to play songs on its horn.
	+ To fulfill the requirement for having two of every person, it can be with cloning or it can simply be two firefighters, two garbage men, etc.
	+ Sam McCool will be on the Globe Hell Cruise and ark.
	+ Food and booze and green and coffee will be included for free.
		- Note: Presumably everyone left surviving in the world will still be required to take World Wide Train (noun) to Boaty McBoatface for World Wide Potluck for lunch every day.
		- Note: It is unclear if Food via the Dinder app will be available.
		- Note: Presumably the booze and coffee provided will be in the form of flavor packets that get added to hose water, as discussed in Episode 37: World Wide Wipes.
	+ Everyone will sleep in bunk beds cause there's two of every person.
	+ Racial profiling will not be used in selecting two of everything. It will be done like Noah's ark from the Bible.
	+ Some of the great duo acts will get on the ark, like Penn & Teller, and Sam McCool & Jeff Goldblum.
	+ Weezer may perform on the Globe Hell Cruise but with a different drummer.

## Notable Events

* Josiah and Drew gave politics the Heimlich maneuver at the start of the episode.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "What is PODCAST? What does PODCAST mean? PODCAST meaning, definition & explanation" about what is PODCAST.
* Josiah and Drew listened to *Louie Louie* by Richard Berry.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "What in the World is a Podcast?" about loving audio.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "THE PODCAST made for KIDS, by KIDS! Explore amazing careers that will help you develop your craft!" about the Kid Explorer Podcast, where they sit down and learn what it takes to be a professional in the most popular careers.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video about the KISS Kruise.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Pat Tours the Weezer Cruise ship" about how Pat's got a treat - an inside look at the Weezer Cruise ship you'll be sailing on, which sets sail in January - hop on board for four days of music, fun, sun from Miami to Cozumel.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video about the Kid Rock Chillin' the Most Cruise.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Official 70000TONS OF METAL 2019 AfterMovie" about The World's Biggest Heavy Metal Cruise - 60 Metal Bands play 120 Shows for only 3000 Fans on one 154,000ton Cruise Ship sailing from Florida to a Caribbean Dream Destination.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video about Tom Cruise kissing.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "BSB Cruise 2018 - 90's night - Spice Boys" about the last deck party of the 2018 BSB Cruise.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Venture Aboard the Steampunk Cruise | The New York Times" about joining Victorian gentlemen, mad scientists and others on a journey to the Bahamas.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Swingers Lifestyle Cruise With Bob & Tess of Couples Cruise" about how if someone is curious about an open lifestyle with their partner, they can explore it together :).
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Top 10 Lessons I learned My First Time On A Nude Cruise" about a non-nudist who feared the worst heading aboard a Bare Necessities cruise, but who instead found new friends and freedoms.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "The 6th Annual McCool Christmas Comedy Cruise" about highlights of the 6th or 7th Annual McCool Christmas Comedy Cruise.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video about the Star Wars Day at Sea Disney Cruise.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "7th Annual McCool Christmas Comedy Cruise (photo montage)" about photographic highlights of comedian Sam McCool's annual Christmas party.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "WERE ON A BOAT (cover of the Lonely Island)" about a cover of one of the greatest songs they've ever heard...I'm On a Boat.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Records: Carnival "poop cruise" could have been..." about how records show Carnival "poop cruise" could have been avoided and how the cruise line was aware of ongoing fire hazard in ships.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "EPIC CRUISE SHIP HORN MUSIC COMPILATION!!!!" about Cruise Ships play songs with their horn.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Sam McCool - Very Funny Comedian - Australia's Got Talent 2012 audition 3 [FULL]" about Sam McCool A funny Stand up Comedian Comic.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "The 2 Jeff Goldblums" about 2 people who didn't know each other bonding over their 'supposed' likeness to famous Hollywood actor Jeff Goldblum.
* Josiah gave everyone the task of looking up the word 'edutainment'.

## Notable Quotes

### Josiah

* "[On the topic of Slack] You know, they call it 'Slack' but all it is is full of work! On the - well I was thinking Work kinda - cause you're not really slackin, you're workin! They call it 'Discord' uh but it's actually usually on WiFi. Should be called 'Discloud'. Just some of the apps out there for chatting that you can... Zoom! Um AIM! Zoom and AIM are two different things, kind of similar name to them. Skype!"
* "And I'm not talking about shooting Nate Ruess's dog, although it might come to that."
* "So what is Globe Hell Warning? Well that's a great question that a lot of people ask all the time uh and that I'm happy tody - today have I answer. Uh it's a podcast! It's a podcast!"
* "Shut the fuck up."
* "What's the problem? You talking over a woman again?"
* "Maybe we'll become famous YouTubers."
* "[On the topic of podcasts being just a bunch of talking] Globe Hell is changing the world actually."
* "[In response to Drew saying they should pretend to drive cars while they do the podcast from now on] Yeah, cause, you know, we did - we kinda did y- you - we did that episode where you're on a bus..."
* "[On the topic of the Kid Explorer Podcast] So I think - I mean, I think, in this scenario, Drew is the 'kid explorer.' "
* "[In response to Drew referring to Americans as friends] Well first of all, I don't think it's very leftist of you to consider any Americans your friends. You ever seen the stuff that America's done? Washington Capitals? I mean, Tampa Bay Lightning? Whatever it is? These fucking guys?"
* "[On the topic of America] But we should be shaming them at every moment, say uh, 'Shame on you.' Sha- I call it 'Shame-erica.' 'Sham-erica.' Would it be better to be 'Shame-erica' or - I don't want someone to shame a girl na- if you have a girl in your life named Erica, don't shame her, but - well, maybe! I don't know her. Maybe that's sorta how they got the name of the country, is someone said, 'I am Erica,' and just abbrev'ed to Am- America. Am Erica."
* "[In response to Drew saying it's extremely hot] How hot is it, Drew? How hot is it?"
* "[In response to Drew saying people are suffering from 'streak'] People are suffering from sunstreak. The - when your suntan lotion gets to - your hair gets streaks in it. Drew's suffering from swim trunk streaks uh in the back uh uh brown lines of shit that's smeared in there. Chlorine doesn't get rid of that, buddy. That's for damn sure."
* "[On the topic of how to remember the names of countries] Like how you remember the guitar strings: Every Boy Is Good - Good, or something. Is that what it is? Every Boy Good. Uh."
* "What's an icecap? You're talking about Tim Horton's?"
* "Fuck icebergs, they killed Jack and Rose! I guess Rose didn't. Which one's alive?"
* "Yeah, well that's no good. I mean, fuck the icebergs! Melt em! I say melt em!"
* "[On the topic of melting the icebergs] Well they - it's gonna kill Leonardo DiJackio. And James Cameron, he's loves nature and he made that movie, so what does that say?"
* "I also did wanna - the same person who said that you're into cruising, told me that something about Drew is that he's really into docking."
* "This is just a nasty licking break for D- that Drew wanted to have."
* "I guess if this boat's a-rockin, uh could mean music, or it could mean that someone's licking each other's chins."
* "Listen, I know that you d- I know that you think that you know, but that's definitely - uh I see Jerry uh Scary Spice and uh Baby Spice and - what's the other ones? British Spice, Victoria Beck Ham. They're all - that's them. That's not the Backstreet Boys."
* "How come you're showing me so much porno stuff?"
* "[On the topic of the Bare Necessities nudist cruise] See Bare - see that's called - that's a p- uh see that - see that's a pl- a play on words, because you - uh 'bear necessities' is normally kind of a Yogi Bear kind of thing. But here, you know, he's saying it 'B-A-R-E', so instead of 'bear' - instead of 'Yogi Bear', it's now - probably someone - and someone who's does yoga to keep their body tight, they're ba- they're y- so they're also a yogi, and they're ba- uh 'B-A-R-E'. Yog- so instead of Yogi Be- 'B-E-A-R', Yogi Bear, it's B- uh Yogi... And they probably do say, 'Hey, Boo-Boo,' but or maybe you could say, 'Boo - hey - hey, Boo-bie!' "
* "[In response to Drew asking if he knew what he was talking about] So you're talking about being on a boat, essentially, you just kinda forgot the language to share it. Right?"
* "So let me just rewind. Cause this is a show about ideas and about changing the world. And you're saying whether we like it or not, the world's gonna change to turn into mostly water world. 'You're like the shit that won't flush,' kind of thing from that movie, uh *Waterworl-* *Waterman-world*. And so you're saying that we - you wanna become a boat? Instead of a podcast, you want us to become a boat."
* "So we're starting it as a luxury brand and we're eventually pivoting it to become more of an ark-based society."
* "It seems most of these cruises that you've found are ones where people are sucking o- and fucking off onto each other. And I'm curious, is this part of your plan, is creating some kind of loose floating sex vehicle?"
* "Uh second of all, I have not gone to a swingers party with the captain of a ship."
* "What I'm saying is you're looking at the ocean rising and saying it's half-full instead of half-empty."
* "Raw sewage is just water, right?"
* "[On the topic of the risk of their cruise ship catching on fire] I'm not judging. I don't - I have nothing against fire."
* "There's different laws out there. That's the - see that's why I think this is bullshit. You can't apply land rules to the sea. That's the whole point of the Weezer Cruise."
* "I don't know if shit is thicker than - it seems like it's thicker than blood!"
* "There is some porno energy in the air this week on Drew's episode."
* "And then eventually we're gonna buy our own boat, and then by then, it will become - each passing year that the polar melts, it becomes less of a kind of choice whether or not to go on a cruise, until eventually going on a cruise will kind of become, by sheer nature - the force of nature, it'll become kind of mandatory to go on a cruise. And that's when we're gonna say, 'Hey, remember when we offered you discounted tickets on the Globe Hell Cruise? Well, sorry, the c- the uh discount code has expired. Uhh you gotta pay full price, my friend,' and then it's kind of gonna be a life spent at sea while everyone else suffers on the land. Am I understanding this correctly?"
* "Can we get one of these cruise ships that plays a melody with the horn?"
* "[On the topic of LAN parties] In the future, it'll be called a 'LAND' party cause it'll be special just to be on land cause you're saying there'll be less land."
* "What do you keep talking about 'green'? What does that - can you stop using jargon? This is a show for everyone. Don't need to be using your political jargon; it doesn't help."
* "[On the topic of not being hypocritical when getting two of everything] That's true. That's a real wake-up call for a lot of people. Don't be claiming to live by faith and not be uh putting two of everything onto an ark when the world floods."
* "Cause there's a - cause the - are - cruises no stranger to human waste on the floor. And that might help seal up the pipes too."
* "We'll figure it out, but, you know, obviously, once again, it's another perfect idea that is g- unlike the ship, I think it's uh hole - it's impossible to poke holes in this idea and it will not sink, uh everything but the kitchen sink."

### Drew

* "I love audio. You know what my first love is? Audio."
* "I've always liked movies, but you know what I really love? Soundtracks."
* "Oh my God, what if we switched from a podcast format to a video format?"
* "I can't wait to wrap up some of our storylines. In the big season 2 finale."
* "Can we pretend to drive cars while we do the podcast? Could we pretend - can the - for the rest of the show's existence, can it uh take place in a car? Like we're talking in a car? Like *Comedians Getting Coffee*? You and me, we'll be driving around in a car? So we'll just have audio. I'll drive around in my car for a bit and get some audio recording, then we can just loop that?"
* "[On the topic of the kid host from the Kid Explorer Podcast] Yeah this is - this would be me if I grew up today. A young host. Kid Explorer. I hate that. I hate that name."
* "[On the topic of America] It's an awful - it's an awful uh - it's an awful place."
* "[On the topic of how hot it is] So, well, so hot that people are, you know, well, they're, I mean, they're suffering from streak. Uh not streak haha, I don't know what streak is."
* "[On the topic of why people should care about the polar icecaps melting] One reason to care is because if you love cruises, things are gonna get a lot whole lot better. And there are all types of cool cruises that you can go on as things are opening up. I've been looking for a vacation to go on, looking at different cruises, what kind of cruises do I wanna go on? Do I wanna go to the Bahamas? Do I wanna go to somewhere like Alaska? Maybe somewhere where you wouldn't expect, you know? Something like that!"
* "I'm into docking."
* "[On the topic of The Spice Girls] I think Yorkshire? Yorkshire Spice?"
* "[On the topic of people being in Amsterdam] Oh. Ohh! They probably - they probably uhh did a little of - little bit of the - little bit of the green. What's up? Amsterdam. Weed is legal there. It's one of the few places."
* "I'm talking about a Globe Hell Cruise, Josiah. This could be a great way for us to not only meet our fans, to uh - we can get other podcasts to come on. I don't know what podcasts would be interested. We could get Gulch on with us."
* "Hopefully Globe Hell Warning will one day be more popular than global warming."
* "Hopefully by the time we can afford our own boat, global warming will have melted the icecaps, uh there will be a new society rising, uh we'll be on the ocean. Yes. And we'll be - we'll have our own boat, we'll have our own little ark on the Globe Hell Cruise, Josiah. Our own ark. Like the ark of Noah."
* "[In response to Josiah's question about whether part of his idea was to create some kind of loose floating sex vehicle] Well I think that's probably just what would naturally end up occurring."
* "And it has - also has to be an ark so we need two of each."
* "Well, like, two cats, two dogs, two of every person."
* "What if I was at a LAN party playing games and I had a weird nervous tic, and someone said, 'What's up with that, Drew?' and I said, 'That's my At-LAN-tic.' I should go on *Australia's Got Talent*. I just need to learn how to an Australian accent."
* "[On the topic of what Drew means by 'green'] Well, the sweet green Mary Jane, Mar- Marijuana. \*belch\*"
* "At the heart of it, this is a Christian podcast."
* "This cruise ship, specifically, is known for having toxic waste on the floor, so to spray your nasty seed, not such a big deal when there's been shit at your feet."

## Trivia

* While the episode title includes the words 'World Wide Ark', there was only reference to the Globe Hell Cruise and the cruise ship itself, as well as its eventual repurposing into becoming an ark. However, it was never explicitly referred to as a World Wide Ark in the episode itself.
* The topic for this episode involves the Globe Hell Cruise and the file name for this episode is globe\_hell\_cruise.mp3 to go hand-in-hand with the release of the Cameo film Globehell Cruise Cameos! that was released on the same day as this episode.
* This is the first episode with the words "World Wide" in the episode title since Episode 48: World Wide Weed.
* This is the third episode to involve a large watercraft, after Episode 4: World Wide Potluck and Episode 19: World Wide Rock Festival, though it is notable that both of those ideas involved the same large platform, Boaty McBoatface, while this idea involved a cruise ship.
	+ Note: Boaty McBoatface went unmentioned in this episode, so it is unclear what its purpose will be after global warming melts the polar icecaps.