08: THINGS GO ABOUT AS WELL AS YOU WOULD IMAGINE

* **Tarlenheim panics and calls to Fina in the boat on the river, who clambers up the rope to the top of the cliff. Oris explains (while hyperventilating) quickly to Fina what’s going on, passing Oris her magically lit dagger.**

* + **Tarlenheim explains to Fina that Kang disappeared into the Weirwood Tree as they watch the tree’s silver leaves grow, fall, disappear in front of their eyes.**
	+ **In all her wisdom, Fina begins to climb the tree. Tarlenheim is being generally encouraging, and Oris IS VERY DISPLEASED. “An apple a day clearly doesn’t fall far from the tree!” Oris casts detect magic to learn that this tree is an artifact/relic and full of Conjuration magic.**
	+ **ORIS: “GET OUT OF THE MAGIC TELEPORTATION TREE.”**

FINA: “But Tarlenheim went up it and came back!”
ORIS: “TARLENHEIM’S AN IDIOT!”
TARLENHEIM: “GRAB ZE LEEF AND JUMP”

She grabs two silver leaves and jumps.

* **Tarlenheim climbs the tree, grabs fistfuls of leaves, and makes to jumps off the side of the cliff, but Oris tries to apply the brakes. Tarlenheim has none of it and, after a brief discussion of whether or not his bloomers will function as parachutes as he plummets towards the water, climbs the tree and swan dives off over the cliff.**

* + **Leaves puff out of his hand as he jumps. Tarlenheim realizes this may not have been a great idea. Wildfire (in the boat) watches, bemused.**
	+ **By the time he hits the water, Tarlenheim only has 7-8 leaves in each hand. And damn, hitting that water hurts. (Unfortunately, no teleportation.) He swims back to safety of the boat.**
* **MEANWHILE, IN VALHALLA…Durk and Wabu appear in an MC Escher-style great hall, packed full of vikings whose heroic prowess allowed them to live out their afterlife in the most revered of great halls. They “land” next to a plinth with a GIANT carved (drinking?) horn. Think Bantha horn. A 30’ Odin sits before them on a massive throne, flanked by two proportionately-sized wolfhounds. Thor is nearby.**

* + **Wabu steps forward, thaumaturigcally casting earthen tremors, massive thunder, and a falsely booming voice. “Oh hello we have just arrived from battle!”**
	+ **Thor (in norwegian): IT’S A TURTLE**

Several massive vikings approach the two newcomers. Durk points at Wabu, effectively throwing him under the bus. Wabu kneels to pay homage to Odin; Durk follows suit.
Wabu: We come to pay homage to you.
Odin: From what battle have you come, turtle?
Wabu: We were on a quest to save our world. There were many battles, but most recently various spirits out to destroy our world.

Thor calls him out for looking like a cleric, but Wabu defends well. Thor gestures to Durk with his Buick-sized hammer, and says HE is a warrior and dats coo.

* + **Odin’s single good eye looks into Durk’s soul, witnessing his entire soul and life from hatching to now. Durk rises, asking if his battle-heavy past has won their respect. They respond saying (basically) “Kinda but you don’t belong here”**
	+ **Wabu explains that they were zapped through the portal (the bifrost, really).**

Odin: You’re but the eggs of heroes. Your troubles just now begin.
Thor: TAKE THE HORN
Wabu is compelled by the god to take the horn
Thor: CALL UPON THE WARRIORS OF ASGARD WHEN YOU WOULD HAVE ARMS AGAINST THE DARK NOW GO
snaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap
Thor makes to gesture them away, but Durk interrupts.
Durk: Can we ask a question? (Odin abides.)
Durk: Can you tell me where to find the blue dragon axe?
Odin: You speak of a weird unknown to us. You will find it on your own world. What is it, this axe?
Durk: An axe of great power that represents the clan of which I am from.

Odin/Thor make some eyeballs at each other, generally approving of this situation. Odin’s hammer strikes the floor of the hall, creating a rainbow portal the same width as the circle of stones. Wabu walks over, chirps “Tally ho!” and holds his nose and jumps in. Durk follows.

* + **Wabu and Durk land in the middle of the stones.**
* **BACK AT THE RANCH…Fina mocks Tarlenheim mercilessly for his failure.**

* + **Oris witnesses Wabu and Durk emerge from the stones. “We’re back!” Wabu uses thaumaturgy again “OH HI WE’RE BACK”**
	+ **Fina runs over and asks what happened and explains that Kang is gone/Tarlenheim jumped off a cliff. Oris encourages them to do the same.**
	+ **Wabu casts enhance ability and jumps off the cliff. Durk doesn’t.**
	+ **At this particular moment, Kang plummets out of the Weirwood tree. So does Wun-Wun, the hill giant.**
	+ **Introductions are made. Oris loses his shit, casting minor illusion to make it look as though a series of magic missiles are bearing down on the boat. Wildfire counters by conjuring a burning eagle, Oris puts the eagle to sleep, and it arcs over the cliff and lands near the tree.**
	+ **Oris yells at Wildfire who Bursts into flames, which dries her out, and the she calls the eagle off the ground to disappear into the distance. She walks over to the side of the boat and looks at Wun Wun, and slowly calms down just a tiny bit.**
	+ **Kang stands on the shore and indignantly calls out to Oris. “Well that wasn’t very nice! This was a guest in our world!” He slowly swims back out to the boat, and seeing Wildfire’s anger and realizes the gravity of his actions.**
	+ **Angry bable from Oris is echoing from the top of the cliff. Hopping mad yelling in a stream of conscience.**
	+ **Kang makes a great plea for mercy: “Wun Wun was lost from his tribe, like me, and we need to find a way to care for him. He eats a lot.” There is an hour long discussion amongst the group on what to do. The general sense is that, “well we can’t kill him, but can we coexist with him? Time will tell.” Wun Wun goes and makes a fire on the bank and sits & rests.**
	+ **Fina eventually goes over and has a simple conversation to gage intelligence and to figure out Wun Wun’s deal. Fina then pulls out some crackers and offers it to Wun Wun, and he eventually figures out that it is food. He takes it as an offer for barter, and hands Fina a huge slab of meat. They both start to cook the meat on their fire.**
	+ **The party makes a general agreement that Wun Wun will live on Kang’s farm. We’ll need to talk to the Earl first to let him know it’s happening.**
	+ **We long rest and prep some spells; Oris summons her familiar (a Scottish Wildcat). Kang gives Fina the magical Blair Witch doll.**
	+ **Fina asks the alethiometer for information about the doll. After failing in her first attempt, Durkris walks over and gives his two cents on the item to help her. The alethiometer tells her to unite it with the earth, so she “plants” it into the ground. It turns into a Twig Blight (baby Groot)! Twig Blight makes harmless mischief.**
* **Back to the boat, and off to the grassy knoll!! Wun Wun has to sit in the middle not to tip the swan over. We disembark.**

* + **Oris is suddenly struck by an elven-looking arrow!**
	+ **A second arrow flies past and hits the boat. Andrich suggests we Charge!**
	+ **Durkris and Kang dash forward, Andrich approaches with the pistol aimed, Oris walks up with Wabu near Andrich.**
	+ **They see an elf putting a bow down, and drawing two swords.**
	+ **Fina is distracted by the twig friend, and finally grab it and puts it on a horse with magic armor cast on it.**
	+ **Andrich sees a second elf sneak out behind the two charging. (rolls a 1) And luckily it only sparks out without causing any damage.**
	+ **One elf hits Durkris with a sword for 8. Durkris goes into a rage, summoning an ancestor and then swings and misses with his axe.**
	+ **Kang rages with lightning, misses his axe swing, but his with aura!**
	+ **Oris yells to try to make the elf know that we mean no harm. He hears the elf yell, “You shall not pass! Go back! You shall not enter and defile!”**
	+ **Kang gets hit by the Elf, takes damage, and in his second attack he hits, but his sword turns and he drops one of his swords.**
	+ **Andrich runs up and hits with both swords! One was a crit. (I forgot to stab with a sneak attack)**
	+ **Wabu sends a guiding bolt, but misses.**
	+ **Fina casts magic missile, and hits for 10?**