Vampires/Quotes

This page lists all notable quotes voiced out by Vampires in *South Park: The Fractured But Whole*.

## Overview

The Vampires' quotes makes various stereotypical references to their adopted subculture, often referring themselves as 'the undead' and 'being immortal', they also make references on 'feeding mortals', which alludes to their Lifesteal abilities in combat.

However, some of the Vampires do come out with exceptional quotes, most notably the Black Vampire, Mike Makowski and Master Vampire Adams. Black Vampire constantly cusses in his quotes, Mike Makowski sometimes ends his quotes with the phrase 'per se', while Master Vampire Adams quotes has a more cheerful tone in comparison to the other Vampires' quotes which has a more grim tone to them; this alludes to his alter-ego Mr. Adams' interest in being a stand-up comedian.

## Vampire Swarmer

### Battle

* **Turn start**
	+ "OK!"
	+ "My turn!"
	+ "I'm gonna get you!"
	+ "Watch me express myself! Watch me! Watch me!"
	+ "Who's ready to sleep with a nightlight?"
	+ "You're no match for us!"
	+ "Death to the mortals!"
	+ "I'm a creature of the night!"
	+ "I love birthday parties."
	+ "Here I come!"
	+ "Go pick on somebody from your own subculture!"
* **New wave and after defeating enemy**
	+ "We are legion!"
* **Skipping turn**
	+ "Time out."
	+ "I got nothing"
	+ "Maybe next turn."
	+ "Skip me."
* **Idle**
	+ "It's almost my nap time."
	+ "My coffin is my race-car bed."
* **After attacking**
	+ "Tag, you're it"
	+ "Got you!"
	+ "Begone, mortal poo-heads!"
	+ "Begone, butt munch!"
	+ "I'm super strong!"
	+ "Haha, I have wings."
* **Revived**
	+ "I feel way better."
	+ "I'm better now!"
	+ "Neener, neener, neener!"
	+ "You're the best."
* **Revived and Bleeding**
	+ "The undead can't truly die!"
* **Attacked**
	+ "You're just jelly of my dark powers!"
	+ "You can't hurt me. I'm protected by the powers of darkness."
* **Self or ally attacked**
	+ "You're picking on us!"
* **Burning**
	+ "It burns!"
	+ "This burns a lot!"
* **Bleeding**
	+ "Oh no, my blood!"
	+ "Will somebody kiss my boo-boo?"
* **Enemy defeated**
	+ "Haha, you're dead."
	+ "Haha. You died!"

## Vampire Medic

### Story/Field

* "Stand aside mortals, Casa Bonita awaits!"

### Battle

* **Turn start**
	+ "Twilight falls."
	+ "I smell blood."
	+ "You'll RUE the day you messed with vampirekind, mortals!"
	+ "Now hold still please."
	+ "Prepare to meet your fate!"
	+ "Prepare thyself, mortal!"
	+ "You don't know the dark forces you're dealing with here."
* **Attacked**
	+ "You can't hurt me. I'm protected by the powers of darkness."
* **Using Blood Bond**
	+ "You look pale but like not in a cool way."
* **After using Blood Bond**
	+ "The night is still young."
	+ "Go forth and finish them!"
	+ "Your work isn't done here."
* **Targeted by Blood Bond**
	+ "You're no match for our vampiric assault!"
* **Bleeding**
	+ "Nooo, I am drained...!"
	+ "OK, this isn't fun anymore."
	+ "My life-force!"
* **Burning inflicted**
	+ "Aaah, the product in my hair makes me really flammable!"
* **Burning**
	+ "Unholy fire!"
* **Grossed Out**
	+ "Ugh. Barfing usually makes me feel better."
* **Chilled inflicted**
	+ "My blood run cold. Colder than normal."
* **Chilled**
	+ "I'm fr-fr-freezing!"
	+ "This chill shall pass..."
* **Shocked**
	+ "OK, OK, time out!"
* **Confused**
	+ "Vampire hunter everywhere!"
* **Enemy defeated**
	+ "I pity you, mortal!"
* **Dialogue**
	+ **With Mysterion, after Vampire attacking**
		- *Mysterion*: "That's so fucking lame."
		*Vampire Medic*: "No it's not!"
	+ **With Vampire Blocker, after using Blood Bond on Vampire Blocker**
		- *Vampire Blocker*: "Thank you, vampire ally!"
		*Vampire Medic*: "Of course, friend!"
	+ **With other Vampire Medic, targeted by Blood Bond**
		- *Vampire Medic*: "Thanks, priest of darkness. You're a good friend!"
		*Other Vampire Medic*: "You're a good friend too, man!"

## Vampire Blocker

### Battle

* **Turn start**
	+ "Welcome the darkness."
	+ "I'll deal with these mortal fools."
	+ "What would Bella Swan do?"
	+ "Who needs a good stalking?"
* **After attacking**
	+ "Your fear is intoxicating."
* **Attacked**
	+ "You're impossible!"
	+ "Arrogant mortal!"
* **Bleeding**
	+ "Soon I will need to feed."
* **Chilled**
	+ "I'm as cold as moonlight."
* **Burning inflicted**
	+ "I am vexed."
* **Burning**
	+ "I suffer to defend our leader."
* **Enemy defeated**
	+ "You though you'd live forever?"
* **Dialogue**
	+ **With Henrietta, turn start**
		- *Vampire Blocker*: "Your kind is not welcome here."
		*Henrietta*: "How inclusive of you."
		- *Vampire Blocker*: "If you're not with us, you're against us."
		*Henrietta*: "Uh, duh?"
	+ **With Vampire Medic, targeted by Blood Bond**
		- *Vampire Blocker*: "Thank you, vampire ally!"
		*Vampire Medic*: "Of course, friend!"

## Vampire Griefer

### Battle

* **Battle start**
	+ "Welcome to... THE SHADOW REALM!"
* **Battle start, at the arcade**
	+ "Hey, it's those kids trying to ruin our party!"
* **Turn start**
	+ "Twilight falls."
	+ "I smell blood."
	+ "The darkness shall triumph over the light!"
	+ "Let us end this!"
	+ "We are eternal! We are legion!"
	+ "This night will not end well for you, mortals."
	+ "I hunger!"
	+ "Prepare to meet your fate!"
	+ "Now hold still please."
	+ "Yours weapons can't defeat us!"
	+ "Prepare thyself, mortal!"
	+ "You'll RUE the day you messed with vampire kind, mortals!"
	+ "You'll never stop us!"
	+ "Prepare yourself for some super-cool vampire powers and stuff!"
* **Attacking**
	+ "Now, I must feed."
	+ "For my brethren!"
	+ "Time to bleed!"
	+ "Behold my power!"
	+ "Your life is mine!"
	+ "Stupid mortal!"
	+ "A gift for you!"
* **Attacked**
	+ "Arrogant mortal!"
	+ "You are bold for attacking us, mortals, but stupid."
	+ "Precious lifeblood, nooo!"
* **After character attacking Clamato Fountain**
	+ "Do not touch our sacred fountain!"
* **Bleeding inflicted**
	+ "I'm... I'm bleeding!"
* **Bleeding**
	+ "Noooo! I am drained!"
	+ "OK, this isn't fun anymore."
	+ "I'm...I'm bleeding!"
	+ "Precious blood, no...!"
	+ "I know the sight of blood really shouldn't bother a vampire, but..."
* **Burning inflicted**
	+ "Aaah, the product in my hair makes me really flammable!"
* **Burning**
	+ "Unholy fire!"
* **Grossed Out**
	+ "Ugh. Barfing usually makes me feel better."
* **Chilled inflicted**
	+ "My blood run cold. Colder than normal."
* **Chilled**
	+ "I'm fr-fr-freezing!"
	+ "This chill shall pass..."
* **Confused**
	+ "What the heck, kid?"
* **Defense Down**
	+ "The holy mark! IT BURNS!"
* **Shocked**
	+ "OK, OK, time out!"
* **Dialogue**
	+ **With Henrietta, turn start**
		- *Vampire*: "Without the night, we'd never see the stars."
		*Henrietta*: "Oh, puke."
	+ **With The Coon, attacked, at birthday party VIP room**
		- *Vampire Griefer*: "I crave the red juice of eternal life!"
		*The Coon*: "It's fucking clam juice and tomato how good could it be?"
	+ **With Mysterion, turn start**
		- *Vampire Griefer*: "You don't know the dark forces you're dealing with here."
		*Mysterion*: "Try me."

## Black Vampire

### Story/Field

* *Black Vampire*: "Oh, you want this shit right here, n\*gga? Well you goin' have to pry it from our cold, dead hands. 'Cause us Vamp Kids stick together, Right Vamp Kids?"
*Vamp Kids*: "Yeah."
* "C'mon! Let's fuck these bitches up!"

### Battle

* **Battle start**
	+ "Y'all know how long I been hidin', waiting for you to show up? Got a cramp in my leg and shit."
* **Turn start**
	+ "I'ma hunt you down like James hunted down Bella Swan. 'Cept I ain't gonna die like no bitch."
	+ "'Member when Blade dude's cut their head off? That's what I'ma do to yo' ass."
	+ "I'ma consume yo' ass with darkness, bitch!"
	+ "I'ma stomp the shit outta you from dusk till dawn, bitch!"
	+ "Like my homeboy Dracula said, "Keep calm and suck blood!""
	+ "I'm about to go Angle Season 2 on yo' ass!"
	+ "I'ma give you a classic vampire ass whooping! Nosferatu style, motherfucker!"
	+ "Bram Stoker's Dracula is my bible, bitch!"
	+ "I'm gonna drink the shit out yo blood. Bram Stoker's Dracula style, motherfucker!"
	+ "Bye-bye, motherfucker."
	+ "You better get yo' ass ready to run!"
	+ "I'ma knock your underwear back under yo' PJs, motherfucker!"
	+ "Only non-vampire I fuck with is Sookie Stackhouse on True Blood!"
* **Idle**
	+ "Hot Topic ain't open all day now, move it!"
* **Attacking**
	+ "Hisss, motherfucker."
* **After attacking**
	+ "Take THAT, bitch-ass mortals!"
	+ "My n\*gga Angle couldn't kill Buffy, but I ain't no motherfuckin' Angle."
	+ "Interview with a Vampire's foot in yo' ass."
	+ "I've been taxing that ass since the vampire on Sesame Street taught me how to count."
	+ "Team Edward, motherfucker!"
	+ "I'm sending y'all Buffy the Vampire Slayin' ass n\*ggas to Hellmouth!"
* **Attacked**
	+ "Yeowch, motherfucker!"
	+ "Oowww, bitch!"
	+ "You can't kill an immortal, motherfucker!"
	+ "Hold up, now! This shit ain't cool!"
	+ "Yo, watch who you assaultin'!"
	+ "Damn, these n\*ggas put a curse on me!"
	+ "You on my shit list now, bitch-ass mortal!"
	+ "Yo, what black-magic bullshit did you cast on me, n\*gga?"
* **Targeted by Blood Bond**
	+ "Nice one, bloodsucker."
	+ "Nice one, n\*gga."
* **Vampire Swarmer targeted by Blood Bond**
	+ "Yeah that's right, look after the littles!"
* **Bleeding**
	+ "You sliced the wrong immortal motherfucker, motherfucker!"
	+ "Yo, now you stabbin' vampires? That shit's derivative, motherfucker!"
* **Burning**
	+ "Y'all motherfuckers need to put my ass out!"
	+ "Us, Vamp Kids, are immune to pain, but this fire's hot as shit."
	+ "Shit, immortality's gonna suck dick if I'm on fire forever!"
* **Freezing**
	+ "This freezin' bullshit ain't true to vampire lore!"
* **Confused**
	+ "Hold up! Hold up! I think one of us might not really be a Vamp Kid!"
* **Slowed**
	+ "C'mon, now. Vampires are supposed to be fast."
* **Defense Down**
	+ "Hold up, now. No need to pick on a defenseless Vamp Kid."
* **Vampires defeated**
	+ "They nailed your ass, bloodsucker!"
	+ "This bitch n\*gga think he a vampire slayer? You ain't no George Clooney, motherfucker!"
	+ "You know other than Buffy, the lifespan of a Slayer is short as fuck. And I'm about to shorten your lifespan, right now."
* **Vampire Swarmer defeated**
	+ "Hey you feel good? You just beat up a kindergarter, motherfucker!"
* **Enemy defeated**
	+ "Rest in peace, motherfucker!"
	+ "You all swallowed up in the darkness now, motherfucker!"
	+ "Yeah, don't BOTHER rolling for soak damage on that one, bitch!"
* **Defeated**
	+ "Aww, shit! I ain't feeling so good."
* **Battle lost**
	+ "No way some pajama-wearin' motherfucker killed my ass!"
* **Dialogue**
	+ **With The Coon, targeted by Coon Pounce**
		- *Black Vampire*: "Hey, what the fuck you supposed to be anyway?"
		*The Coon*: "I'm... The Coon."
		*Black Vampire*: "Sorry the what? And you callin' us Vamp Kids lame?"

## Mike Makowski

### Story/Field

* "You've gone too far, mortal. You've laid eyes upon the Blood Fountain of Eternal Life. Now... you must die!"
* "It's not fair! This is my birthday party and you're ruining it! You're not even supposed to be here!"

### Battle

* **Battle start, with Corey Haim**
	+ "With Corey Haim on our side, we can't lose!"
* **Turn start**
	+ "You guys are really giving off a negative human energy, per se."
	+ "Time to feed!"
* **Vampire Swarmer turn start**
	+ "Fly, my Kinder Vamps! Fly, per se!"
* **New wave of Vampires**
	+ "Feed, my little ones!"
* **New wave of Vampire Swarmers**
	+ "Go forth, my kinder vampires!"
* **Ready to drink from the Clamato Fountain with Vampires**
	+ "My night children! Drink deep from the Unholy Clamato Fountain and be rejuvenated! Per se."
* **Healed from Clamato Fountain**
	+ "You just scored some major brownies points with your dark prince, per se."
* **Clamato Fountain destroyed**
	+ "No!! Our Blood Fountain of Eternal Life is destroyed! Per se."
* **After Corey Haim attacking**
	+ "How'd he do that?"
* **After Corey Haim using Moonrush**
	+ "It's like he's walking...but on the moon!"
* **After Vampire attacking**
	+ "Nice!"
* **After Vampire Griefer attacking**
	+ "Taste my true power!"
	+ "Tremble before the power of Vampir!"
* **After Vampire Swarmer attacking**
	+ "Beautiful form, per se."
	+ "Yes! Just like I taught you!"
* **Attacked**
	+ "Leave us alone! The girl just wants to express herself!"
	+ "Do your worst, interloper - I'll simply drink from the Blood Fountain of Eternal Life!"
	+ "Yowch! Cease your assault on my corporeal form, per se!"
* **Bleeding**
	+ "Well this is ironic, per se."
* **Burning**
	+ "Fuck! Someone... someone douse me with non-holy water."
* **Enemy Burning**
	+ "Haha! Fire cleanses all!"
* **Chilled inflicted**
	+ "I could sure use a hot clamato right now."
* **Chilled**
	+ "Sure wish I hadn't cut the fingers off these gloves."
* **Defense Down**
	+ "I am not surprised. Our kind has always been persecuted, per se."
* **Confused**
	+ "A minor affliction. I mustn't let it distract me."
	+ "I really could use some orange juice right now."
* **Enemy defeated**
	+ "Nice!"
* **Vampire Swarmer defeated**
	+ "Sleep now, little vampire. Rebuild your strength!"
	+ "They're just napping! They'll be fine!"
* **Dialogue**
	+ **With Master Vampire, enemy idle**
		- *Master Vampire*: "Hey, did you kids even RSVP for this party?"
		*Mike Makowski*: "THEY WEREN'T INVITED!"
	+ **With Mysterion, after Vampire Griefer attacking Mysterion**
		- *Mike Makowski*: "Tremble before the power of Vampir!"
		*Mysterion*: "You couldn't make a rabbit tremble."
	+ **With Mysterion, ally defeated**
		- *Mike Makowski*: "Hey, what am I gonna tell that kid's parents?"
		*Mysterion*: "That you're an asshole and your party sucks?"
		*Mike Makowski*: "Aww come on, that's not cool."

## Master Vampire

### Story/Field

* "You fools! You though my stepson was the master vampire... But it was really me all along! Just like in the classic vampire film The Lost Boys... Pretty cool, huh, Mike? I dress up like Kiefer Sutherland and then I'm all like, hey, I'm the master vampire! This is the coolest birthday party ever, isn't it Mike? Come on..."
* "No, it's not dumb! It's a really fucking sweet party! And it's really, really cool, so shut up!"

### Battle

* **Turn start, Frosted Tips**
	+ "All right, I got my hair product, it's about to get super cool in here."
	+ "OK, time to spruce up these tips. They were getting a little unfrosty. Here goes."
	+ "OK, here we go again, let's not screw this up, lookin' at you, Kinder Vamps."
* **Turn start, Fire Breath**
	+ "Oh god, here it comes!"
	+ "I really shouldn't have drank that hot sauce, oh god, oh no!"
	+ "Yeah my mouth is still burning up - I've made some bad choices."
	+ "All right, you know how this works by now."
	+ "Hey, remember how I drank that hot sauce, uh oh look out!"
	+ "A Master Vampire AND a master entertainer!"
	+ "Nothing whets the appetite for cake like a dinner theater."
* **Enemy turn start**
	+ "What's gonna happen next? This birthday party is full of surprises!"
* **After successfully attacking**
	+ "Oh yeah, that's right, now who's lame, the dead kid is."
* **After unsuccessfully attacking**
	+ "Wow, nobody? OK."
* **Attacked**
	+ "Hey! Easy on the frosted tips!"
	+ "That didn't hurt! You're still having fun, everything's great!"
	+ "See, if I wasn't a cool stepdad I'd definitely call your parents after that."
	+ "Whoa, that was pretty violent but we're still having fun."
	+ "Nice try but I'm still having tons of fun right now!"
* **Ally or self attacked by The Coon**
	+ "Look, it's not a werewolf party, all right? Maybe next year."
* **Burning**
	+ "C'mon, no fair, I'm hot enough!"
	+ "H-h-hey maybe we should get a pyrotechnics guy in here!"
* **Vampire defeated**
	+ "Well, the crowd does love a body count."
	+ "It's OK! You're not really dead! Don't tell your parents!"
* **Dialogue**
	+ **With Karen McCormick, turn start**
		- *Master Vampire*: "YOU like frosted tips - don't you Karen?"
		*Karen McCormick*: "Yes. I do like frosted tips. I- I think they're super cool."
	+ **With Mike Makowski, enemy idle**
		- *Master Vampire*: "Hey, did you kids even RSVP for this party?"
		*Mike Makowski*: "THEY WEREN'T INVITED!"
	+ **With Henrietta, after Henrietta using Satanic Seal**
		- *Master Vampire*: "Hey, c'mon, we're doing a vampire theme. Pentagrams are lame."
		*Henrietta*: "Don't even talk to me."