Fake TPOT 40b: Entrance Fee: 1 Point

Warning! This page may contain **spoilers** of a popular video.

"**Entrance Fee: 1 Point**" is the second part of the non-canon fortieth episode of *TPOT* by Jacknjellify. It was released on 29 April 1987. This episode is only headcanon to me, that is, until the real TPOT 2 comes out, after which it splits from the rest of the series to become an alternate universe. During the creation process (before the plot was moved to the next episode), this episode was known as "**Everywhere You Look**", "**Tele-Warfare**" and "**An Issue of Utmost Privacy**".

Author's note: Here are some new terms to consider:

1. The **Fovitwe**: The main setting of post-hotel TPOT. Formed from the letters of *Two* and *Five*.
2. **Tec Pulcussar**: The sculpture at the middle of the Cake at Stake place. Formed from the letters of *CaS sculpture* (a variation of which it was called previosuly).
3. **Crescentia Tepe**: The Cake at Stake place in general, also known as the *Cake at Stake area*, *Cake at Stake place*, *elimination area* or *elimination zone*. Formed from the letters of *CaS centrepiece*.
4. **Afos**: The large seat at the Cake at Stake place meant for those who are not up for elimination. Formed by spelling *sofa* backwards.
5. **Flats**: An additional term to be used with *houses*, as they were previously only called. Individual residences with numbers attached should be referred to by this word, *e.g.* "Black Hole lives in Flat 6."
6. **The Opening**: The new addition to the set that wasn't there in the previous episode. This place, a little patch of yellow grass surrounded by green, turned the *O* shape of the set into a *C*. Two and Five frequently hang out there when they're not in the multipurpose building.

Description if this were on YouTube:

They're back!

Previous episode: "Another Voyage Home"

Next episode: "Your Own Private-Eye Phones!"

## Recap

* **Two**: [*voice-over*] On the last episode of *The Power of Two*...
	+ **C****l****o****c****k**: It is now time for our TPOT watch party.
	+ **Fan****ny**: I hate this!
	+ **G****at****y**: Bok, it's your favourite person. [*points at Pencil*]
	+ **B****o****k**: Eugh. It's all about cold, hard revenge.
	+ **T****r****e****e**: Gregg would go bananas if he got to stand on that set.
	+ **8****-****Ball**: I need a bath.
	+ **Vi****hep****sis**: You're weird.
	+ **C****a****ke**: Oh my patisserie, it's...
	+ **C****l****o****c****k**: Loser!
	+ **Kuda****sai**: Umtaya should come back here as soon as possible.
	+ **Eraser**: [*pointing at Match*] That's my Bic!
	+ **Ar****esko**: Yeah!

[*Screaming sound effect.*]

* **Two**: [*watching as the Filing Cabinet rolls away*] Whoops.

[*The intro separates the recap from the rest of the episode.*]

## Prelude

### **Around the world**

**Scene**View of Earth, followed by a montage of the Filing Cabinet rolling around the world, somehow picking people up off the ground to roll around with it. It's been doing this for more than three months now. Ironically (as in the previous episode one could hear the Cabinet's inhabitants screaming), this scene is played out to some joyful music.
## Pre–Cake at Stake

### **The Opening**

**Scene**Satellite view of the Fovitwe, the place where the contestants have been living since TPOT 39. It looks different from how it did back then: instead of a round "O" with no openings, it is now shaped like a "C". Two and Five are idyllically sat in the part of the complex that has been open since we last saw them in person.
* **Two**: Hey!
* **Five**: Hey.
* **Two**: So...

[*Two and Five giggle.*]

* **Two**: Your love. Your love. Your love. Your love. [*whispering*] Is my drug.

[*Five looks confused.*]

* **Two**: I like your beard. [*taps on where Five's nostrils would be*, i.e., *by his belly button*]

[*Beat.*]

* **Five**: Okay, Two, now you've officially lost it.

### **Flat 2: Pencil, Pen and Match**

**Scene****Pencil** and **Pen** are seen in the now furnished bathroom (or "water-closet") of their flat, with the former closely adjusting the latter's cap in front of the mirror.
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*raising her hands from his cap*] Boom, bang-a-bang! So, what d'ye think?
* **P****en**: I look... *amazing!* Thank you, dear.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Oh, no problem; you can barely notice a difference.
* **P****en**: Boy, that's the last time I ask Two to play ball with me.
* **P****e****nci****l**: No worries. [*pats his cap*] Come on, I think it's time for breakfast.

[*Pencil and Pen go into their kitchen. As they walk, we can see that their house is very well furnished since the last time we saw it, and it actually looks habitable.*]

* **P****en**: Did I ever tell you how *terrific* we made this place look? We make a great team, Penc.
* **P****e****nci****l**: It's rather a shame we couldn't make this place shine when Loser was here to judge us, 'cos otherwise you wouldn't be up for elimination, but... we did a good job afterwards, if I do say so myself.
* **P****en**: You bet!
* **P****e****nci****l**: There's only one exception.
* **P****en**: The elephant in the room? [*points at* **Match***, who is sleeping on the couch in the living room*]

[*Pencil elbows Pen.*]

* **Ma****tch**: [*snoring*] *Khhhhhhh!*
* **P****e****nci****l**: Come on, Match, get up!
* **Ma****tch**: [*groggily*] No... maybe later, Madame PM... but I'm... in power now.

[*Pencil picks up a throw pillow and does what throw pillows do best—get thrown—at Match.*]

* **Ma****tch**: Oof! [*getting up*] Omg, I had the most, like, amazing dream. Want to hear it?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Not really.
* **Ma****tch**: Sorry.
* **P****e****nci****l**: We're having breakfast. It might be the last one Pen gets if he's eliminated today.
* **Ma****tch**: Oh, cool.
* **P****en**: We checked my calendar of fun festivities and found out today's International Bagel Day.
* **Ma****tch**: Like, finally! You peoples have been feeding me basic store-bought chiz for, like, ever. If only I'd brought my hot sauce with me from Mom's house, eh?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Who puts hot sauce on a bagel?
* **Ma****tch**: Only the greatest person, like, ever! [*points to herself*] I'm going to see if anyone has, like, anything.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Wait, Match...
* **Ma****tch**: Bye-eye!

[*Exit* **Match**, *shutting the door behind her.*]

* **[** **P****en** · **P****e****nci****l** **]**: What a **[** roommate · flatmate **]**.

### **Outside, montage**

**Scene****Match** walks outside of the house, where we see that some of the other flats in Fovitwe have been decorated. **Snowball** can be seen in the background, still dozing off on one of the eliminated platforms. It's been several months and he still has no place to live like the others.
* **Ma****tch**: Hello? Anyone have any hot sauce?

[*Beat.*]

* **Ma****tch**: I'm going to, like, do this.

[*Match sees* **Two** *and* **Five** *sitting in the Opening. They are talking to each other.*]

* **Two**: If we were stuck on a desert island, would you eat a vegetable that you absolutely hated first, or would you eat me?
* **Five**: Easy question. I think I would—
* **Ma****tch**: Omg, peoples, do you have hot sauce? I was, like, walking around here *forever*, and no one has any.
* **Two**: Hot sauce, eh?
* **Five**: Two has some inside them. Why do you ask, Match?
* **Ma****tch**: Because we're, like, having breakfast on the International Day of the Bagel, and I like mine with hot sauce. Reminds me that I'm not all out of time with my, like, roots. [*points at her head*]
* **Five**: You mean *out of touch*.
* **Ma****tch**: Out of touch, out of time, same thing.

[*Beat.*]

* **Five**: And why *have* breakfast today? You know Two has some actual food for you guys for Cake at Stake.
* **Two**: That's right. In fact, I'm calling it now.
* **Ma****tch**: But, like, no! I want my bagel.
* **Five**: I thought you wanted a man.
* **Ma****tch**: That too!
* **Two**: ***Cake at Stake!***

[*Five and Match flinch at Two's sudden outcry.*]

### **Crescentia Tepe**

**Scene****Two** and **Five** have gathered everyone for Cake at Stake. Of those, the contestants up for elimination (**Coiny**, **Winner**, **Liy** and **Pen**) are seated on the platforms, while those not up for elimination (**Black Hole**, **Golf Ball**, **Pencil**, **Pin**, **Price Tag**, **Remote**, **Tennis Ball** and **Umtaya**), along with non-participants **Match** and **Snowball**, are seated on the big divan overlooking the elimination area. Two waves at the contestants.
* **Two**: Well, well, well!
* **Co****i****ny**: [*waving back*] Well!
* **Two**: It's your first elimination at the new place. How are you feeling right now?
* **Li****y**: Awkward.
* **Winner**: Forbearing.
* **Five**: Hate to interrupt a semi-groundbreaking ceremony like this, but this is actually our *second* elimination. Remember when I was the temporary host?
* **Two**: Oh, that's right. 1986 was the year of the colour purple.

[*Pause.*]

* **Two**: Now, a few months ago, [*number*] people sent us their votes to determine who will get eliminated from *The Power of Two!* If you're safe—and this goes to all those sitting on the Afos—you will get one piece of the tiny lasagnes I prepared for you.

[*Two shows everyone thirteen tiny lasagnes. All gasp.*]

* **Two**: Happy breakfast.
* **All (except Match)**: Oooooooh!

[*Two hands over the lasagne container to Five, who stretches their arms.*]

* **Ma****tch**: So we don't get any bagels with hot sauce.
* **U****m****t****a****ya**: Hot sauce?
* **Five**: Match, you're not even a contestant!
* **Ma****tch**: Duhhh.
* **Co****i****ny**: Um, Two? We're sitting really far away from you; what happens if we don't catch our food?
* **Two**: It will be eaten by the ground instead.
* **Co****i****ny**: Seems fair enough. So who got the most votes this time?
* **Two**: Pen.

[*Five throws a tiny lasagne at Pen and he catches it without looking away.*]

* **Co****i****ny**: Good job, brah.
* **P****en**: Yeah, thanks! And thanks to you, voters, for being the most awesome electorate I've ever seen.

[*He winks and raises an eyebrow at the camera, and Pencil smiles at him from the audience.*]

* **Two**: Up next... Winner!
* **Winner**: Ooh, I'm safe?

[*Winner catches their tiny lasagne. They absorb the dish through their arm.*]

* **Winner**: Mmm, not bad. What did you put in it, Two?
* **Two**: You don't want to know.
* **Winner**: Okay, curse me for asking.
* **Two**: And now it's down to Coiny... and Exix. If you're safe, you'll get what those two are having. But if you're not...
* **Five**: Then you won't! My idea.
* **Li****y**: Way to guarantee hunger in these parts.
* **Five**: Hey, don't blame me, those are the rules.
* **Two**: Does anybody want to know which of the two remaining contestants is safe and which is eliminated? The person the voters voted on will totally shock you!
* **Li****y**: Oh, tell us already!
* **Two**: I'm going to need a drumroll.
* **Co****i****ny**: Cool, cool. I've been taking R-rolling lessons with my boy Pen right over there.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Really?
* **P****en**: Had to pay him back somehow. I don't want to be in debt for failed guitar lessons, eh, Coiny?
* **Co****i****ny**: Hell, no!
* **Two**: Okay, then, let's hear it.
* **Co****i****ny**: *Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...*

[*While Coiny voices his trill, the camera pans behind the Cake at Stake area. Some very soft, muffled shouts can be heard, growing louder and louder (and gradually attracting the attention of the contestants, who turn around one by one in the face of the sudden noise), when suddenly the Filing Cabinet rolls onto the set. Everyone gasps, screams, honks, yells and makes other noises of surprise as the giant cylinder slows down to a halt right outside the Opening. Cross-talk among the contestants.*]

* **Ma****tch**: Omg! It's... it's...
* **P****e****nci****l**: What was that?
* **Li****y**: I don't know, but I'm curious.
* **Co****i****ny**: Let's all take a look!
* **Two**: No, wait! We're still doing Cake at Stake!

### **Behind the Crescentia Tepe**

**Scene**All the contestants quickly get off their seats and run over to by the Opening. **Two** and **Five** call after them in the background, but in vain, as they all talk at the same time and excitedly.
* **Golf Ball**: Hmm. According to my predictions, this intruding thing seems to be an avant-garde type of building.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: A very large one.

[*A quick look at the scene: We can see that the Filing Cabinet towers over the flats by far in that it stands out completely from the rest of the scenery.*]

* **Golf Ball**: We can see that.
* **U****m****t****a****ya**: Now that I think about it, this place looks really familiar.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: I agree.
* **U****m****t****a****ya**: Oh, I know what it is! It's the Filing Cabinet, just from a different angle!

[*Tennis Ball gasps.*]

* **U****m****t****a****ya**: Mm, give me a break, TB, I think we're allowed to talk about the place we were sent to when we were eliminated when it's *right in front of us*.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: But not when *they're* right in front of us.

[*Huc teleportat* **Two**, *with* **Five** *on their back.*]

* **Two**: I'm not angry that you're talking about the Filing Cabinet. On the contrary, I'm reversing the rules and am encouraging it.
* **Li****y**: Why?
* **Two**: Because this, my dear contestant-ies, is the Filing Cabinet.

[*All gasp.*]

* **U****m****t****a****ya**: Called it!
* **Ma****tch**: [*raising her hand*] I was there to see it roll!
* **Two**: It only looks different because it's turned on its side.

[*Silence.*]

* **Five**: [*Aside, to Two.*] Two, the elimination?
* **Two**: Oh, yes. Please pay attention to me instead of the newest arrival. Since we're already here and gathered, I suppose I can say here who's eliminated in this episode. With the fewest votes at [*number*], that person is...

[*Suspenseful pause.*]

* **Two**: Liy!

[*Two points at Liy.*]

* **Li****y**: Oh, flämtar! I'm eliminated!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Don't look at it that way. You were the first FEXITer to actually get out of that stank-hole, so think it a sort of achievement on your part.
* **Li****y**: Thanks for the positivity, Pencil, it's really not like you. But I am more shocked that Two knows my real name! [*to Two*] Did you forget that I am *Exix* to you?
* **Two**: No! We just called you Exix so you could play along, even after we learnt your name. I reckon by now everybody knows you're Liy, right, Five?
* **Five**: If we kept saying we didn't know, we'd be *liy*-ars.
* **Li****y**: Ugh.
* **Five**: Why, it's even in our directory!

[*Five conjures up a contestant directory and opens the page with Liy's name and picture on it. Liy pogs.*]

* **Five**: And the scoreboard.

[*Five points at the scoreboard, which has been placed on the top of the multi-purpose building. The name "Exix" has been replaced by "Liy" when no one was looking.*]

* **Li****y**: Wow. Guess I don't have that much to say but *whatever*. I'm eliminated.
* **Two**: [*smiling widely*] You sure are!
* **Li****y**: Okay...

## Post–Cake at Stake

* **Li****y**: So, where am I staying?
* **Two**: [*still smiling*] Huh?
* **Li****y**: Where do all the eliminated contestants go?
* **Two**: Errrrrr...

[*Five whispers in Two's ear,* i.e., *in between their eyes.*]

* **Two**: Okay. Liy, your fate is sealed, as is that of everyone else eliminated after this episode.
* **Li****y**: Ooh, so where do I go? On top of the only roof with an umbrella over it? Through a hole in the middle of the elimination sculpture? The furnished appliances section of IKNO?

[*Pencil elbows Liy.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Hush, don't give them any ideas.
* **Two**: As a cuboidal, grey speaker cabinet once said 25 years ago, "That's where you're wrong." We are allowing you all to stay in your flats until the end of the show!

[*All gasp, followed by 2.763 seconds of silence and a sudden outcry of joy.*]

* **Everyone**: Yaaay!
* **Five**: See, Two, I knew they'd like it!
* **Two**: They do like it, well, they like it indeed! But contestants, you do know that's not all there is to it.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: There's a catch, innit?
* **Two**: As a cuboidal, grey speaker cabinet never said 25 years ago, "That's where you're right!" You are all allowed to stay where you are at present. But if you're eliminated, you're going to have to pay rent.

[*Cross-talk.*]

* **U****m****t****a****ya**: Excuse me, what's rent?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Rent is the money you must pay someone for a place to live.
* **U****m****t****a****ya**: I totally... did not know that. The protectorate I come from offers free housing.
* **Golf Ball**: That is, that is *un-American!*
* **Two**: The payment period for rent starts today, and I'm speaking to you specifically, Liy.

[*Liy begins to rant.*]

* **Li****y**: What? But I don't have any money! How are we meant to pay the rent when the only job on most of these people's CVs is "reality game show contestant" for every year since 1973?
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Yeah, how is that fair, Two?
* **Li****y**: And not only that, but why are you singling *me* out? Shouldn't Snowball and Match be paying rent as well? Snowball was eliminated last episode and Match was never a real contestant!
* **Ma****tch**: Oh, bite me, Liy.
* **Snowball**: Contrariwise am I with the illumining one in agreement; for mote we too contribute and pay for... pay for... O Two, for whom shall we defray?

[*Deliberative music begins to play.*]

* **Two**: About what Liy said earlier: she's right. Snowball and Match, you are also responsible for paying rent.
* **Ma****tch**: Grr!
* **Five**: As for the question of to whom the money goes, you're paying for the expenses of us, your hosts. You see, this place didn't just appear out of nowhere. As strangers, we kind of found this place as it was.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Exactly, the people of this land are Earthlings, while you lot are all Algebraliens.
* **Two**: Let him finish, bae bae! As Five said before I decided to interrupt him, life was cheaper in the hotel because it came out of the ground through my powers, and we didn't have to pay anything for that. But here in the Fovitwe, we've rented the place out ourselves, and we want you resident non-participants to take your share of responsibility.
* **Li****y**: Oh, that sounds like a bunch of words thrown together. Just send me to the Filing Cabinet, it'll be easier on the both of you.
* **Ma****tch**: Like, same. While I know Pencil and Pen would, like, *never* make me pay to keep crashing at their place...
* **[** **P****en** · **P****e****nci****l** **]**: Well...
* **Ma****tch**: I'd rather take my chances with all those lame, like, geekazoids.
* **Snowball**: As should I.

[*Snowball walks up to the structure.*]

* **Snowball**: O dual host, how openeth one the portal to this here court-table?
* **Five**: Wait, Snowball!
* **Two**: Don't—

[*He tries to find an opening to the Cabinet, but because of the force he still has from his time as a troglodyte, he accidentally lets the Cabinet roll down the hill it rolled up before.*]

* **Snowball**: Hop!

[*As if by magic, what looks like a force from within pushes over one hundred people out of the cylindrical building: the eliminated contestants, failed first-episode debuters, extras, strangers, some FEXITers and 25 newcomers, Cross-talk as Liy walks down the hill to see the "residue".*]

* **Co****i****ny**: [*concerned*] What was that?
* **Five**: We kind of... programmed the building to eject everyone in the Filing Cabinet... and then roll back into the ocean, which is where all the materials it's made of come from.
* **Two**: Yeah, it's totally biodegradeable... and rather good for the environment, heh. And it works because, er, the nearest ocean is 276.3 miles away.

[*Everyone suddenly turns around when they hear Liy calling from the bottom of the hill.*]

* **Li****y**: *Hey!*
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: [*waving at her*] Hello, Liy. [*to Black Hole*] Hej is Swedish for *hello*.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Oh, I know. We spent a whole episode on that.
* **Co****i****ny**: [*calling from the top*] What goes on?
* **Li****y**: There are people down here!
* **Winner**: What?
* **Ma****tch**: People?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Come on, we'd better check this out.

[*Remote and Black Hole go down the hill, followed by everyone else. Manent* **Two** *and* **Five**.]

### **Downhill**

**Scene**The contestants all gasp in shock when they see the scene that Liy was the first to see: As predicted, it is the 116 Filing Cabinetters and the 25 people the building picked up over the past three months as it rolled by at the beginning of the episode. Everyone speaks at once, hardly believing what they have just seen.
* **Ma****tch**: Omg!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Who are all these?
* **U****m****t****a****ya**: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is that...
* **Winner**: Who?
* **U****m****t****a****ya**: It's Kudasai, one of my bandmates from the Fi— goodness!
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Remote, look.

[*Black Hole shows Remote the body of* **Tree**. *Just like everyone else on the ground, he isn't conscious in the conventional sense, his eyes are spirals, similar to what happened to Team Ice Cube! in BFB 13.*]

* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Treeyee?
* **Li****y**: Stapy?
* **P****i****n**: Needy?

[*Although she is very close to Pin, Needle is too dazed to slap her.*]

* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: [*playing with Naily's leg*] Hey, Two, are these really the eliminated contestants?
* **Two**: [*from uphill*] Yes, and their new friends!

[*Price Tag notices that the arm of another object is very subtly shaking.*]

* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Oh, chiz, it's Leek! I'ma get you, my Finnish friendo!
* **Co****i****ny**: Hey, hey, take it easy! You just threw out the body of Clock, and he's rad!
* **P****i****n**: Politically, that is.
* **Co****i****ny**: Yup.
* **U****m****t****a****ya**: Hey, Two? You've got a lot of explaining to do! What is the meaning of all of this?
* **P****en**: [*pointing at Eraser*] And why are some of them starting to move?
* **Two**: Glad you asked, because this has something to do with your fortieth challenge spectacular!

## Pre-contest

### **Uphill**

**Scene**Two and Five talk amongst themselves.
* **Five**: Really, we're doing that for the fortieth challenge?
* **Two**: ♫ Spectacularrrr! ♫
* **Five**: I thought we were going to make the contestants look for jobs.
* **Two**: No, not yet. And besides, a challenge involving people the Filing Cabinet has puked up might be worth a try. And maybe you'll see the scoreboard changing drastically.
* **Five**: I do love to see the scoreboard changing drastically.
* **Two**: I know you do. [*Aloud.*] Hey, contestants! Please come here so that I can give you detailed information about your contest!

[*Enter the contestants, who have joined Two and Five and are looking a bit concerned.*]

* **Two**: Alright, then! [*claps twice*] In this episode, your next contest is to wait until the occupants of the Filing Cabinet and/or your loved ones regain consciousness.
* **Golf Ball**: What? That's it?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Apologies in advance, but how is that a contest?
* **Two**: You didn't let me finish! As soon as they can walk and talk again, they might want a place to rest, as the Filing Cabinet is no longer inhabitable as of... [*sound of the Filing Cabinet rolling into the Indian Ocean, 276.3 miles away*] now.
* **P****i****n**: Now that's concerning.
* **Two**: You will not be judged on your raw interactions with those you haven't seen for years, but be aware that we will be awarding points for how many people enter through the doors of your home.
* **Snowball**: Could you kindly for those expound, who know not?
* **Two**: No, because you're not competing. But I will explain for everyone else.

[*Snowball nods, accepting his defeat.*]

* **Two**: You will receive one point for each person who comes in through your flat's doors. Repeat-enterers—that is, those who enter your flat, exit and enter again—are counted as one person, since that's what most of you are.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: That's debatable, but okay.
* **Two**: And the person or group of flatmates who lets in the most people will get the most pionts. The bottom four will be up for elimination. Now I assume the contest has already started, as the FC'ers are already moving and gaining consciousness, so... go!

[*Exeunt all contestants.*]

* **Five**: [*calling after them*] And make sure your homes are presentable! No one wants to visit a substandard house.

## Contest

### **Flat 7: Tennis Ball and Golf Ball**

**Scene****Tennis Ball** and **Golf Ball** talk with each other as they get their home ready for visitors.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: I can't believe this.
* **Golf Ball**: You don't get to call yourself *old* when I am two years your senior, Tennis Ball.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Not that, but the whole pile of contestants thing. Something's clearly wrong here.
* **Golf Ball**: I agree. And from the looks of it, a lot of the people we saw down there we did not witness getting sent to the Filing Cabinet, almost as if they were never on set prior to today. But more importantly, why did Two and Five expunge the FC of its people?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Maybe they're all going to join.
* **Golf Ball**: Imagine that, over one hundred contestants suddenly joining our show when it's almost the end.

[*Tennis Ball and Golf Ball audibly shudder.*]

### **Flat 2: Pencil, Pen and Match**

**Scene**The trio get ready. Pen looks very happy.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Pen, dear, not that I don't find it strangely alluring, but why're you smiling like that?
* **Ma****tch**: Yeah, I agree. It's kind of annoying.
* **P****en**: I'm sorry, but to think we have all the eliminated people around us *and* their new pals? That's a heck of a crowd to have around, eh?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Right. [*Aside, to Match.*] Because I'm so happy to surround myself with a group of people who hate me. /s
* **Ma****tch**: You'll get used to it.
* **P****en**: Hey, why don't we invite Eraser over? He can be our first special guest!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Won't he know we're only having him over to give us points?
* **Ma****tch**: That's, like, totally selfish. [*Beat.*] And where's my bagel?
* **P****en**: Come on, Rase and I are bros; we're like *this!* [*does the finger thing from BFB 1*] Oh, I can tell yous, wherever I am, he'll be the first to go.
* **Ma****tch**: If the fires of lust of my absence doesn't, like, consume him first, I'll believe what you say.

### **Flat 1: Winner**

**Scene**With **Winner**, who is lightly preparing. They talk alone while looking at the picture of themselves and Loser together—it's their turn with it. Soft sounds of the crowd can be heard behind the door.
* **Winner**: Is Loser one of those people? I think not. [*sigh*] Well, Win, it's time to see the motley crew waiting to see me today.

[*Winner looks out the peephole of their flat and sees about a hundred ex–Filing Cabinetters—from now on called the "Nixefta Sibrete Cling" in full—walking towards the Fovitwe complex. They don't seem that psychologically different now from the last episode, as they walk and chatter merrily (but slightly confused about their whereabouts) while exploring the various apartment buildings in the area.*]

* **Winner**: Ah, they're here!

### **Outside**

**Scene****Winner** opens the door to ring the news to the other contestants.
* **Winner**: They're here, they're here!
* **Two**: Yes, they are! My dear contestants and set invaders, please welcome the Nixefta!

[**Liy** *pops her head out of her door.*]

* **Li****y**: Who says that?
* **Two**: Me, that's who!
* **Five**: Or would you rather they say *Irinimonimitschicaïchi soramicaïtocatchimicato né, hatchiniri-yichi hanissoutoca ho issénitorachille chi-yiconacaïssouto né, issacassoutchito né, tocassoutchimiqui-yissouto né, haïssanicaïssouto né, Séssourahaniri' né tchimichi Minissaïhacatchi Issacaïssounirassoutchi*—oh, she slammed the door.

[*Two and Five giggle at the latter's use of the Algebralien language.*]

* **Five**: [*Aside.*] So how will you know who goes in each apartment? I thought these places were based on objects' technology.
* **Two**: Modified by that of Algebraliens. You forget that we numbers have our very own biological turnstiles.
* **Five**: Ah, you're finally learning to use your body for proactivity.
* **Two**: Thanks for making it sound creepy.

[*Two makes a mechanical beeping noise.*]

* **Five**: What was that?
* **Two**: The indicator inside me. Someone has just walked through the doors of Remote's place. Can you please start changing the contestants' scores now, co-host?
* **Five**: Okay!

[*Five jumps up to the roof of the multi-purpose building and changes Remote's score from 69 to 70 points.*]

* **Five**: Goodbye, 69. [*looks around*] Good thing nobody heard that. Uncouth.

### **Flat 5: Remote**

**Scene**At **Remote**'s place. **Black Hole** is with her, along with **Tree**, who is much more disoriented from the fall than many others (he got up from the ground too quickly), still walks in a daze.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Whoa, whoa, Tree, maybe you should have a seat.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Goodness knows how heavy you can be on your feet after a drink or two.
* **T****r****e****e**: Who am I, King Kong? And I'm not on the turps, thank you; I'm just feeling dizzy.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Sounds like you need to recharge. I'd lend you my extension cord, but I don't know where you'd plug it into. Why don't you just relax here, and by the way, welcome to my home.
* **T****r****e****e**: Thank you, Remote.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: You are my first visitor.
* **T****r****e****e**: [*half-excited*] Yaay.

[*Tree falls onto the couch.*]

* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Sorry I can't offer you drinks, as custom dictates. You probably don't want battery acid.
* **T****r****e****e**: Yeah, no, it's fine. I don't think I'll be here long anyway. Don't I have to drop in on you, Black Hole?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Oh yeah. If you'll excuse me, I need to get my place ready.

[*Exit* **Black Hole**. *Remote pats Tree's foot.*]

* **T****r****e****e**: Let me nap.

[*Remote smiles.*]

* **R****e****m****ot****e**: So where is the rest of our pact?
* **T****r****e****e**: Don't know. I was trying to look for Pie and the others, but you bet they're all still lying in that pile we were in, staring down at the ground. Wouldn't blame them, though; imagine lying down on real plant life for the first time in years. Wait, don't.

### **Flat 6: Black Hole**

**Scene****Pie** and her ex-roommates (**Kitchen Sink** and **Scissors**) are sitting on the couch in Black Hole's flat. Newcomers **Binchana** and **Zipola** (whom we have seen before) sit on the stools next to them.
* **Pi****e**: So how are you doing?

[*Enter* **Black Hole**.]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: [*to himself*] I've got to get this place looking spotless.

[*Black Hole notices Pie and others on his sofa and chairs.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Oh. Hello.
* **Pi****e**: [*waving*] Black Hole. Welcome to this place we just found.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Yeah, this is where I live.
* **Pi****e**: Really? The door was open, so me and my absolutely not fake friends just went inside and made ourselves comfortable.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: In my flat.

[*Silence.*]

* **Pi****e**: Oh. These people are Kitchen Sink and Scissors, who are very mediocre at preventing death. On the stools are Binchana and Zippy, who until a few minutes ago were complete strangers and seemed unapproachable.
* **Z****i****p****ola**: Howdy.
* **Binchana**: How do you do, Mr. Hole?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: I'm fine, thank you. I think... I'd rather be somewhere else right now, but it was nice meeting you.

[*Awkward silence as* **Black Hole** *floats out of his flat, as more people come inside.*]

* **Pi****e**: And to think we haven't talked in ages.
* **Sc****is****so****rs**: Mm-hmm.
* **Ki****tche****n S****ink**: Want to crash somewhere else?
* **Pi****e**: Gladly.

[*Exeunt omnes.*]

### **Outside**

**Scene****Clock** and **Cake** are walking together to find a place to visit—Cake is still not on speaking terms with Naily or Nickel because of how they talked about Loser in part 1.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Alright, it looks like we can do whatever we want now. Curse you, unstructured time!
* **C****a****ke**: Oh, it's not that terrible.

[*He looks at Nickel, Naily and Bomby reuniting with Price Tag.*]

* **C****a****ke**: Though it is a little lonely.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: You're not lonely; we can be walking comrades. Come on, let's find where Winner lives.

[*Clock accidentally walks into someone.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: *Aï!*
* **Her**: Oof!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: I'm sorry, I was not—

[*Clock looks up to see* **Kosrae**, *his wife, standing right before him.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: Kosrae? Is that really you?
* **Ko****s****r****ae**: [*surprised*] Surprise!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: *C'est toi!* H- how did you even get here?
* **Ko****s****r****ae**: I don't know!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Well, I'm sure we can talk about that later. But for now, *viens ici, ma chérie!*

[*They do an armless hug, the likes of which have not been seen on this show in a long time.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: Now that you're here, I'd like you to meet Cacob McRae, or Cake.
* **Ko****s****r****ae**: Yes, your American competition friend. Hello.
* **C****a****ke**: What's up?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Say *lwen wo!*
* **C****a****ke**: Uh... *lwen wo!* [*Subtitles: "Good afternoon!"*]
* **Ko****s****r****ae**: *Lwen wo* to you too!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Oh, Kôche-pas-gauche. Hey, how's Samir? [*to Cake*] Samir is our son of five years.
* **Ko****s****r****ae**: He is living in my mother's house on the islands.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: I trust he's teaching them all French! Say, how about we all have tea together at Comrade Winner's place and just get acquainted with one another?
* **C****a****ke**: Sure, why not?
* **Ko****s****r****ae**: We can do that!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Good, because I'm totally lost.
* **Ko****s****r****ae**: And I'm hungry. I've been living on every plant I could find since I was picked up from Tahiti and... somehow brought here.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: *Oh, Dieu*, that sounds awful. Well, we could get you some basic food first, right, Cake?
* **C****a****ke**: Yeah!

[*Kosrae eyes Cake and thinks of frosting.*]

* **C****a****ke**: Come back later, the store is closed. /j

[*As the three set off to get something to eat, enter* **Needle** *from downhill. She looks determined as her eyes are fixed directly on her destination—she walks through the crowd purposefully.*]

* **E****g****gy**: Hey, Needle, do you want to sit on the ground and do nothing?
* **Need****le**: Later, I've just got something to do!
* **B****e****ll**: Stay righteous.

[*Needle stomps over to Coiny and Pin's house.*]

### **Flat 3: Coiny and Pin**

**Scene****Needle** opens the door to the flat and sees that **Coiny** and **Pin** are having some kind of polite conversation on a raised platform.
* **Co****i****ny**: And I said, "Why do it, Firey?" And he was, like—

[*Needle squeezes through the crowd of people and slaps Coiny.*]

* **Co****i****ny**: Hi, Needle, you're awake!
* **Need****le**: Don't call me Needy!
* **Co****i****ny**: I never called you that.
* **P****i****n**: It was *me* who called you Needy, Needy.

[*Needle "reverse-slaps" Coiny.*]

* **Bor****p****u**: Was that a reverse slap?
* **Co****i****ny**: It hurts just the same!

[*Needle slaps Pin three times.*]

* **Need****le**: Don't call me Needy!

### **Outside**

**Scene****Bok**, **Gaty** and **Saw** are walking together, their conflict still not resolved from the previous part.
* **B****o****k**: This is almost surely where Pencil lives. *Bleeeekh!*
* **G****at****y**: Okay, Bok, maybe you should calm down a bit. I want to go see Liy.
* **B****o****k**: Why?
* **G****at****y**: Because she's interesting.
* **Ru****block**: Yeah, Bok, you should just chill!

[*Gaty and Saw look at Rublock.*]

* **G****at****y**: Who are you?
* **Ru****block**: Peace!

[*Exit* **Rublock**.]

* **S****aw**: I have no idea who 20% of the people who are here are right now.
* **G****at****y**: I thought it was more like 25%.
* **S****aw**: Look at us, talking about maths when we're meant to be having fun.
* **B****o****k**: [*jumps*] Ah, there it is, it's them! [*fake gag noises*]

[*Bok points at the door of Flat 2, which opens. Out come* **Profily**, **Bracelety** *and* **Aresko**. *Pencil and Match can be seen in the background.*]

* **B****o****k**: Can I sabotage Pencil's existence?
* **G****at****y**: Why would you want to do that?
* **B****o****k**: Because if I sabotaged both of them, it wouldn't be as emotionally moving.

[*Enter* **8-Ball**, **9-Ball** *and* **Avocado**, *who are off to visit Price Tag in their flat.*]

* **8****-****Ball**: I don't have a favourite number.
* **9****-B****all**: I don't have a favourite letter.
* **L****e****e****k**: I don't know why we keep hanging out.

### **Flat 5: Remote**

**Scene****Remote** is sitting on the couch next to **Tree**. They are watching something on **TV**.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Do it again.
* **T****V**: Okay.

[*TV shows a display of 0's and 1's falling from the top of his screen.*]

* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Ha ha, ha ha, this is pure comedy.

[*Enter* **Pie**.]

* **Pi****e**: Hi, guy, hi, Remote-eye.
* **T****r****e****e**: Hey, you finally made it here.
* **Pi****e**: Like I said before, I can't stand those phonies. Anyway, look who I've found.

[*Enter* **Bottle** *and* **Pillow**.]

* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Hello.
* **Bot****tle**: [*pointing at Tree*] I was inside you!
* **T****r****e****e**: Yes, I remember that.
* **Pill****ow**: This place is so radical! [*T-poses*]
* **T****r****e****e**: Hey, Pillow.
* **Pill****ow**: I am asserting my dominance.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: You don't own this household.
* **Pill****ow**: Hee-hee-hee, just kidding!
* **Bot****tle**: Yeah! Just kidding!
* **T****r****e****e**: Hey, did you find any others? You know, like Lightning, Fanny, Liy and Marker?
* **Pi****e**: No. Fanny hates gatherings, Liy's on an "in-seat adventure", Marker I've always found very suspicious and Lightning's with his boyfriend.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: So the rumours are true: Lightning *can* hold a relationship. What about Pen?
* **T****r****e****e**: Oh, chiz, thanks for reminding me! Cheerio.

[**Tree** *quickly gets up, salutes everyone and leaves Remote's flat. Silence.*]

* **Pill****ow**: Who wants to go to Black Hole's place?
* **Bot****tle**: [*jumping up*] I do!
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Sure, but I must warn you that it's his bathtime now.
* **Pi****e**: Don't care, let's go.

[*Exeunt.*]

### **Outside**

**Scene****Tree** leaves Remote's house in a hurry. He walks briskly to the flat where he suspects Pen is. **Inei**, **Kudasai**, **Mjunga** and **Umtaya** (the only member of the band who is also a contestant) quietly practise their instruments while sitting outside the elimination area. Just as Clock did before, Tree accidentally walks into someone.
* **T****r****e****e**: Frick, watch where you're going!
* **I****ne****i**: [*strumming a guitar*] Dude, you'd better be careful out here.
* **Mj****unga**: That's the second time today someone's collided with another.

[*Tree turns around and looks at the person he ran into. His eyes grow wide as he sees Gearos Machinakis, or in other words his boyfriend* **Gregg**, *standing in front of him.*]

* **T****r****e****e**: Gregg?!
* **G****r****e****g****g**: Mr. Leigh, it is you!

[*Embrace.*]

* **T****r****e****e**: Oh, I am so sorry for those harsh words; usually I only use them on strangers I can't trust.
* **G****r****e****g****g**: You know you can always trust your fiance [*pronounced "fye-ance"*].
* **T****r****e****e**: *Fiancé*.
* **Mj****unga**: [*interrupting*] It's also the second time someone's run into their significant other!

[*Tree and Gregg both look at Mjunga.*]

* **T****r****e****e**: How'd you even get here? Thought you were still in Melbourne, weren't you?
* **G****r****e****g****g**: That was me once, a long time ago. One day I go out of house and this huge round building thing picks me up and brings me here months later!
* **Mj****unga**: [*interrupting again*] That building thing is where the majority of us lived.

[*Inei and Umtaya make their eavesdropping drummer sit down.*]

* **I****ne****i**: Easy there, man.
* **U****m****t****a****ya**: We ought to call you *bug* from now on.
* **G****r****e****g****g**: Tree, I have not seen you in a very long time, many, many months!
* **T****r****e****e**: I know, I've missed you too.
* **G****r****e****g****g**: Now that it seems I have become a settler today, I want to know more about here; of all the worlds to which I have travelled so far, this seems like to me one of the best.
* **T****r****e****e**: Right. I suppose I can start by taking you to meet a friend of mine whom, for some reason, I hold in high regard.
* **G****r****e****g****g**: Really? Whom will we see?

### **Flat 7: Tennis Ball and Golf Ball**

**Scene****Tennis Ball** and **Golf Ball** have invited a few people into their home. They are leaving.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: See you soon!
* **Golf Ball**: And don't ask for more food. That's the last of it unless I can get an armed person to drive me to the nearest Lawl-Mart.
* **Baske****t****ball**: Grassy, looks like you have a new task.
* **Gra****ssy**: Yeah!
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: Goodbye!

[*Exeunt* **Basketball**, **Robot Flower**, **Unrelated Two Jr.** *and* **Grassy**.]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: There they go.
* **Golf Ball**: Now you can add four new people to our total score, Tennis Ball.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Got it.

[*Tennis Ball takes a piece of chalk and begins to draw four houses on a chalkboard, bringing the total number of those entering the Balls' flat up to fifteen.*]

* **Golf Ball**: Draw lines, they're more efficient.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: I like the way I draw houses. They look a lot like where we live, don't they?
* **Golf Ball**: What?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Here, take a closer look.
* **Golf Ball**: Och.

[*Golf Ball gets up from her seat and looks at the chalkboard with Tennis Ball.*]

* **Golf Ball**: Huh. You've even drawn the windows accurately.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: They say windows are hard to draw, but I always doubt it.
* **Golf Ball**: As you should.

[*As Golf Ball and Tennis Ball talk about who knows what, enter* **Orpha**, **Colin** *and* **Theola**, *who stand outside the door.*]

* **O****r****p****h****a**: Mom?

[*The balls gasp.*]

* **Golf Ball**: Oh my science museum!
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: You're here!
* **Co****l****i****n**: Mom, Dad!
* **Th****e****ol****a**: I can't believe we're looking at you on the set!
* **O****r****p****h****a**: And you're not even on TV!
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: How can you beat that?
* **Golf Ball**: Why are we still standing here? I hypothesize that it is time for an armless hug, huh?
* **Th****e****ol****a**: Since I'm the only armed one in the family, I'll do it on behalf of everyone.
* **Golf Ball**: Distributing tasks, just like her mother.

[*Theola gathers the entire family in a five-ball embrace.*]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Yay!
* **Golf Ball**: So how are our grandkids doing?
* **O****r****p****h****a**: Wonderfully. Chris invented a phone out of grass and it works over long distances!
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: That's my boy!
* **Co****l****i****n**: We call 'em all the time.
* **Golf Ball**: Why didn't you call us? Just because we are in a foreign country doesn't give you the excuse to go "under the Gaty Burghoff"!
* **O****r****p****h****a**: Um...
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Oh, never mind that, GB, sit down, all of you! I want to hear everything that happened since the last time we saw each other.
* **Co****l****i****n**: Sure, but don't you want more people to come here for the contest?
* **Golf Ball**: That's right. You three, get some of your friends over so we can win points.
* **O****r****p****h****a**: What's the magic word, Mom?
* **Golf Ball**: Please?

[*Exeunt* **Orpha**, **Colin** *and* **Theola**, *rolling their eyes or smiling.*]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: We raised them well, didn't we?

### **Flat 2: Pencil, Pen and Match**

**Scene****Pen** and **Match** are both on the big sofa in the living room and sign their names on papers that they give to people who only have to go through the door to get to them (who at the moment are **Long Cable, Folded Up** and **Cagie**). **Pencil** is sat at the coffee table, reading a book and laughing silently at this ridiculous scene.
* **P****en**: [*to LCFU*] Alright, bud, stay cool. [*finger-guns him*]
* **Lo****ng** **Cable,** **Folded** **Up**: I don't care about any of that, I just want to brag that I actually walked this far!

[*Exit* **Long Cable, Folded Up**.]

* **Ma****tch**: And my number is... [*whispers in Cagie's* *ear*]
* **C****agi****e**: O... kay.
* **Ma****tch**: *Marry me!*

[*Exit* **Cagie**, *who scurries away.*]

* **Ma****tch**: Wait, you forgot your— [*turns around*] Omg, Penc, I'm, like, *so* loved!
* **P****e****nci****l**: You two are the same, you know that?
* **[** **Ma****tch** · **P****en** **]**: No, we're not!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Then why did you both agree to sign autographs?
* **Ma****tch**: 'Cause that's the best way to, like, get people to come over. I mean, other than—
* **[** **Ma****tch** · **P****en** **]**: Kissing people.
* **P****en**: And I can't just kiss a whole lineup! Who am I, a game show host?
* **Ma****tch**: Yeah, and you'd, like, explode at that, Pencil.
* **P****e****nci****l**: No, I'd be okay with it.
* **P****en**: Really? You'd be fine with me with my you-know-what on someone else's?

[*Pencil puts her book down.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Why not? While I was eliminated, you did it with hundreds and thousands of others. At least now I know what your true type is totally *not*.
* **P****en**: Yeah, and what's that?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Anyone but me.

[*Pencil gets up and kisses Pen on the cheek. She sees the next people in the queue,* **Rondipa** *and* **Lydia**, *at the door.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: That's right, girls, he's *mine!*

### **Outside Flat 2**

**Scene****Tree** and **Gregg** wait outside the door of Pencil and Pen's place.
* **G****r****e****g****g**: Are you sure this is the place you wanted to meet him?
* **T****r****e****e**: 100% positive.

[*Tree points at the big banner in front of the house "LINEUP HERE TO MEET AND GREET SOMEONE REALLY REALLY AWESOME!"*

* **G****r****e****g****g**: Dear me.
* **T****r****e****e**: No worries, you'll like him. I mean, you've only got one thing in common.
* **G****r****e****g****g**: Really, what is it?
* **T****r****e****e**: I'll leave it up to him to say, heh.
* **G****r****e****g****g**: It makes me a little worried.
* **T****r****e****e**: You can hold onto me the whole time if you want.
* **G****r****e****g****g**: Thank you.
* **T****r****e****e**: There's a good one. Come on.

[*As they go inside together, Winner opens their door of Flat 1 and looks at the banner.*]

* **Winner**: Yeah, I'm not advertising my place like that.

[*Winner closes the door.*]

### **Flat 2**

**Scene**
* **Ma****tch**: Let's, like, have a competition to see who can sign the most people's chiz.
* **P****en**: Yes!
* **Ma****tch**: Just don't do that thing where you get, like, competitive.
* **P****en**: Who said I was competitive?
* **P****e****nci****l**: It's one of your quirks I've learnt to accept. I'll be back.

[*Exit* **Pencil**. *Match looks at the door and sees a shadow by it. She raises her arms.*]

* **P****en**: What are you doin', I thought you were going to—
* **Ma****tch**: Shh, shh. [*noticing a shadow by the door*] Welcome, gentry, for your entry.

[*Enter* **Tree** *and* **Gregg**, *who notice Match and Pen in front of them.*]

* **T****r****e****e**: G'day.
* **P****en**: Eyyy, it's you! How ya doin' there, Leigh?
* **T****r****e****e**: Fantastic.

[*Pen rises from his seat to hug his mate, but he spills his water bottle in the process.*]

* **P****en**: That didn't happen.

[*Gregg laughs a bit.*]

* **T****r****e****e**: Pen, I'd like you to meet someone extremely special to me. This is—
* **P****en**: Gregg, Gregg McIntyre! Nice to finally meet you! [*vigorously shakes his hand*] Well, I probably shouldn't say that, 'cause when Tree was still playing, he told me so much about you.
* **G****r****e****g****g**: He has. You have?

[*Gregg looks at Tree, who gives him a firm nod.*]

* **P****en**: I should probably say this: *Kalos orisate* to our *spiti!*

[*Gregg's eyes light up at this.*]

* **Ma****tch**: [*Aside.*] Ha, ha, spit.
* **T****r****e****e**: Pen's a Greek, or rather, a barbarian of the Grecian extraction.
* **G****r****e****g****g**: I see that! [*to Pen, spoken rather quickly*] Χαίρομαι τόσο πολύ που βλέπω άλλον έναν Έλληνα εδώ! Είμαι από τα Χανιά της Κρήτης, αλλά τώρα μένω "Ντάουν Άντερ" με αυτόν τον υπέροχο τύπο. [*points at Tree*] Από ποιο μέρος της χώρας κατάγεστε;
* **P****en**: Um... Happy Bagel Day!

[*Match facepalms.*]

* **T****r****e****e**: You'll have to excuse him; he's not very bright.
* **Ma****tch**: And I'm Match, and I'm, like, super bright! After all, I am a matchstick.
* **T****r****e****e**: This is Pen's stepsister.
* **Ma****tch**: Just *sister*, dude. The only steps in our house are the ones that lead to, like, my part of the bedroom. Good day to you, handsome stranger.

[*Match holds out her hand and Gregg kisses it.*]

* **Ma****tch**: Omg, can I, like, have him?
* **T****r****e****e**: Sure, Match, for a billion dollars and my left eye. /s

[*All laugh. Enter* **Pencil**.]

* **P****en**: [*turns around*] Hey, babe!
* **T****r****e****e**: Pencil. Hi.
* **P****e****nci****l**: 'Ello. [*points at Gregg*] Who's that?
* **P****en**: That's Gregg McIntyre, who's really Greek and loves Tree and wants to marry him, eh, but he can't because of the laws of Australia where they live; we just met today but I'm freezing from how cool he is!
* **T****r****e****e**: You've summarized it perfectly. Good boy.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Well, now that I know you're no longer after throwing people out of planes, how about some tea for the two of you?
* **T****r****e****e**: Sure. Would you like to see how we of English extraction do it, Gregg?
* **G****r****e****g****g**: [*imitating Two*] I am not against it, well, I'm not against it indeed.

[*Exit* **Pencil**, *who leads* **Gregg** *and* **Tree** *into the other room. Pen sighs wistfully.*]

* **Ma****tch**: What, like, neo-maxi zoomdweebies.

[*Match looks at Pen, who is staring into space.*]

* **Ma****tch**: Yo, Schreiber. Yoo-hoo! [*claps in his face*] You have something on your f—
* **P****en**: Where?
* **Ma****tch**: Nowhere. You're just spacing out again.
* **P****en**: I'm just thinkin'. My new Pencil, my old Tree, his new fella, all in the same room. Makes my heart feel all warm and fuzzy. [*hugs himself*]
* **Ma****tch**: Why? You having, like, some sort of fantasy I should claim for myself?
* **P****en**: No!
* **Ma****tch**: Welcome to the foursome, witches!
* **P****en**: Match! I mean, I think it's so cool to see 'em together.

[*They both turn around to see the three of them having polite conversation over tea.*]

* **P****en**: And they're not even fighting, how 'bout that?
* **Ma****tch**: Omg, like, let's go back to competing.
* **P****en**: Okeydoke! [*serious*] I *will* win this.
* **Ma****tch**: We'll see about that... [*imitating Eraser*] bruh.

### **Multi-purpose building**

**Scene**First view of the dining area of this building, which looks like a school cafeteria. In the growing crowd in this canteen are **Remote**, **Pillow** and **Pie**, who talk with one another.
* **Pill****ow**: It seems I remember something in the previous episode.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Two being silly or Loser and Winner making conversation?
* **Pill****ow**: The word *Zehenspitzen* being spoken.
* **Pi****e**: Well, I remember something, and this pertains to you, Remote.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: What?
* **Pi****e**: You and Black Hole said you wanted to dedicate this flat to us death preventers.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: That's true as all heck, but Two and Five were totally against this selfish proposal. That idea was shot down faster than the plane in that war movie.

[*Meanwhile,* **Cake**, **Clock** *and* **Kosrae** *are having a late lunch. Sitting opposite them are* **Naily**, **Nickel**, **Price Tag** *and* **Bomby**, *who aren't looking directly at Cake out of awkwardness.*]

* **C****a****ke**: Uhhhh...
* **Ko****s****r****ae**: We have a word for this where I come from: *motok*.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: For us it's *mal à l'aise*.
* **C****a****ke**: For me it's awkward! Can we please go somewhere else?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Okay, we can eat outside. One can never get too much fresh air.
* **C****a****ke**: [*agitated*] Thank the Lord!

### **Flat 2: Pen and Match**

**Scene**The two are still sitting as autograph signers in the front of their flat. Match notices another shadow outside the building.
* **Ma****tch**: Come in!
* **Him**: In who?

[*Enter* **Eraser**.]

* **Eraser**: Sorry, I walked through twenty places before I came to this one. [*sees Pen*] I finally get to see you bro!
* **P****en**: Eraser! [*embrace*] What's up, man?
* **Eraser**: Eh, not much.
* **P****en**: Come on, I haven't seen you for four years. There's gotta be something. I died twice, y'know.
* **Eraser**: Right. Well. It's nice to see you, bro.

[*Eraser's eyes dart towards Match.*]

* **Eraser**: So, downstairs?
* **Ma****tch**: Mm-hmm.

[*Eraser picks Match up and quickly takes her to the secluded hole Pencil has been digging for the planned house garden.*]

* **Ma****tch**: Yahoooooooo!
* **P****e****nci****l**: That was Eraser, the first-born of the Schreiber-Zapalka dynasty.
* **G****r****e****g****g**: Ooh.
* **T****r****e****e**: He is also Greek, though from what I know he's even dumber than his brother.
* **G****r****e****g****g**: I see. But... if Pen is Match's brother, and as we now see, Match goes together with Eraser, who is Pen's brother, would that not mean this... [*horrified*] Match is the Rhea to Eraser's Cronus?
* **P****e****nci****l**: No, he's her *step*brother, only called so they can do, you know, what they're doing presently.
* **G****r****e****g****g**: [*putting his hand over his forehead*] Oh, *mitera mou...*

[*Meanwhile.*]

* **P****en**: [*pep-talking himself*] Okay, buddy, Match went off with your brother who didn't even stop to have a chat with us, your gal's over there talkin' sharp and you're the only one who can get us some points here. You're not even doin' anything and you're *still* a champ, 'cause you win by default. A-*ha!* [*Aloud, raising his arms.*] ***I WIN!***

[*Pen notices* **Barf Bag** *waiting by the door.*]

* **P****en**: Hi.

## End of the contest

### **Outside**

**Scene****Two** stands in the middle of the Fovitwe, speaking through a megaphone.
* **Two**: Okay, everybody, you've still got 30 seconds to visit an in-contestant's home until it's time to count all the points!

[*Enter* **Clock**, **Cake** *and* **Kosrae** *from Flat 10. Clock carries his food on top of his head. He notices that the door to Winner's, unlike those of the other contestants, is shut.*]

* **Two**: There's a surprise in this episode, too! Just like in episode 20, there will be another elimination at the end of all of this, in which the person with the fewest visitors *will* be eliminated, so... be aware of that!

[*Cross-talk.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: Oh, chiz, it looks like nobody's entered Winner's flat!
* **C****a****ke**: That's what you get when you fade into obscurity.
* **Ko****s****r****ae**: Why don't we go there now?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Wait, I have to find a bin for these crumbs.
* **C****a****ke**: Why not just bury it underground? That's how we did it in the South.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: A bin is much better for the environment.
* **Ko****s****r****ae**: Shall I bring Cake and myself to Winner's place while you go to find one?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: I- I don't know. What if—

[*Two makes a buzzer sound.*]

* **Two**: ***AEEEEEH! AEEEEEH!***

[*Two suddenly appears in front of Clock and buzzes in his face.*]

* **Two**: ***AEEEEEH!*** Time's up!

## Post-contest

* **C****l****o****c****k**: I'm not in this show any more, Two.
* **Two**: It's still fun to buzz. ***AEEEEEH!***

[*Fade to almost everyone standing outside.*]

* **Two**: Now, I'd like for all of you to look up.
* **Invisible Tomato**: Umm, I can't see.
* **Two**: All of those who *can* look up, I should say.
* **Thiss****o**: But what if you're only half-can, like me?
* **Two**: Just look at Five! He's standing on the roof, so you can't miss him.

[*View of Five standing by the scoreboard, which is covered with a blanket. He waves to everyone looking up at him, much like Two in episode 1.*]

* **Two**: [*through the megaphone*] ***Let us see the points!***
* **Five**: Revealing points now!

[*Five takes the blanket off the scoreboard to beautiful harp music. We see that the scores have been changed depending on how many people entered each contestant's flat during the contest. Everyone oohs and aahs.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Darn.
* **Golf Ball**: [*standing with her family*] That is all well and good, Two, but whose home was visited least?
* **Two**: The one belonging to Winner!

[*Everyone turns to look at Winner, on whom the spotlight shines.*]

* **Winner**: What? Me?
* **Five**: You only got three visitors: the trio of Orpha, Colin and Theola Ball.

[*Golf Ball looks at her children.*]

* **Th****e****ol****a**: What? It was a mistake.
* **Winner**: Oh. I'm eliminated then.
* **Li****y**: [*from the crowd*] Yeah, same-episode elimination mates!
* **Winner**: That serves me right for not asking people to come over. I suppose the winner *doesn't* take it all. So to all of you: *proshchayte* and farewell. It was nice to meet you, and as a result of this, you can come over anytime you want.

[*Winner is about to enter their flat.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: Wait, Two, you can't do that to Winner!
* **Two**: Why not? All they have to do from now on is cheer on the in-contestants and pay the rent; that's not much. In fact, they got off easy.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Oh. That's fine, then. I'll help you pay for the place, Win!
* **Ice Cube**: Yeah, me too!
* **B****atter****y**: Common monetary ownership, *juchee!*

### **Voting screen**

**Scene****Two** and **Five** stand in front of the voting screen, with the pictures of Price Tag, Black Hole, Pen and Umtaya behind them.
* **Two**: Vote in the comments using the letter and square brackets for who you *don't* want to be eliminated! Vote for who you want to stay! The *two* people with the fewest votes will both leave the show, if my Algebralien memory serves me right, in the second-to-last double elimination ever of *The Power of Two!*
* **Five**: And you didn't even need a cue card to say those beautiful words.
* **Two**: It's great to be back.

[*Roll credits.*]

## Stinger

### **Outside**

**Scene**Night. **Two** stands in the middle of the Tec Pulcussar. Zoom out to the area around the Fovitwe complex: lots of greenery and not much else. Zoom back in—Two suddenly uses their powers to lift about thirty buildings (not so different from the flats already occupied) out of the ground around the main complex. They turn towards the camera and smile at it.
* **Two**: Welcome home.

[*Fade to black.*]

**THE END**
## Deleted scenes

* Instead of displaying the "back" emoji, TV was going to put "My boyfriend's back (and you're gonna be in trouble)" on his screen. Then I remembered he was a time traveller from modern times and is probably unfamiliar with sixties music.
* Pencil was going to literally jump from room to room throughout the whole apartment complex to ask for some weird cream (I don't know). I replaced that scene with Match kind of doing the same thing, but not exactly. Shortly after the episode was published, I deleted all the "Match goes to other people's houses" scenes, even though it made for good exposition for what the other contestants' places look like. The dialogue would have been as follows:

[*Match goes to Winner's flat (#1) and opens the door. There* **Winner** *is having their own breakfast and reading the newspaper.*]
**Ma****tch**: Hey, like, Winner.
**Winner**: Hi, visitor.
**Ma****tch**: Do you, like, have any hot sauce?
**Winner**: Hot sauce? Probably not. I like my food like I like my people: totally mild.
**Ma****tch**: Bye.
[*Match closes the door, walks past her flat and enters the home-like home* *of* **Coiny** *and* **Pin**in Flat 3. The couple are sitting together and watching something on television.*]*
**Ma****tch**: Omg.
**Co****i****ny**: You couldn't knock?
**Ma****tch**: Sorry, but, like, do you have hot sauce?
**P****i****n**: We have sriracha.
**Ma****tch**: But I want to put something on a bagel!
**Co****i****ny**: You can put sriracha sauce on bagels, right, Pin?
**P****i****n**: I've seen some people here doing the weirdest things with their food. I am sure it will be good.
**Co****i****ny**: Yeah, go do that, Match.
**P****i****n**: I'll try to find the cabinets.
**Ma****tch**: Like, whatever. Bye.

* The Cake at Stake centrepiece was originally going to be called "Epic Ace Centres" instead of "Crescentia Tepe", which sounds much more like an actual place (though I do love throwing the "ace" stuff around).
	+ The Opening was originally going to be called the "Nepongin", but I decided it would be a bit confusing to add another word to the mix, not to mention one for a place that had just been introduced in the episode.
* This was going to be the dialogue after the Filing Cabinet "disappeared". This changed after I, you know, wrote the scene.

**Two**: I believe Five's right from what he said earlier.
**Five**: I am?
**Two**: All of this is insane. I've only been on set for a few months, most of which have been spent without a challenge, and you're already complaining after everything good I've done for you! You know what? It is time for the fortieth challenge, and quickly!
[*Two points at the sun, which is already beginning to go down as it is in the afternoon.*]
**Two**: We're losing daylight here.
**P****e****nci****l**: Aren't we on the equator?
**P****i****n** And why are you so angry?
**Co****i****ny**: I think some people need to take a chill pill, if I do say so myself.

* As soon as the FC'ers were freed at the start of 40b, Battery was going to present Two with her new child. The baby (Wolfgang Karl Marx Dierschelowitsch) was conceived with the help of all the people who had passed childbearing age but were unable to go to a clinic while eliminated; thus, he bore the traits of nearly twenty other people. I deleted this scene because it made me say "What the fuck" out loud.
* To save space, I had to cut a couple of scenes taking place during the contest:
	+ Golf Ball and Tennis Ball were originally going to see their children in the pile of dazed contestants, but I decided to have them make a surprise appearance later.

[*Coiny picks up a golf ball/tennis ball hybrid in the same unconscious position as everyone else. Both Tennis Ball and Golf Ball gasp.*]
**[** **Golf Ball** · **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l** **]**: ***Orpha?!***
**T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Two, can you tell us what you did to our daughter?
**Two**: Yeah, I did it.
**R****e****m****ot****e**: [*next to two other balls*] Do these also belong to you?
**Golf Ball**: Theola, Colin! Wha... ho... why the hell did you bring our children here?
**P****ri****c****e Tag**: Unless they're not your children, huh. /j
**T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Taggy, our two youngest kids are adopted.
**P****ri****c****e Tag**: Oh. I did not know that.
**Golf Ball**: From the Third World! But that does not change the fact that Two has done a terrible thing to get them over here; these children of ours are hard-working Americans with *jobs!*
**T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: If I wasn't so sure, I would have assumed this was some kind of simulacra.
[*Golf Ball walks around, passing Black Hole and Remote (who are trying to find the rest of the pact) and Pencil and Match (who are trying to find the other FEXITers).*]
**Golf Ball**: From the looks of it, there must be hundreds of people who have ended up in the Filing Cabinet, whether with our knowledge or without it.
**P****e****nci****l**: Damn.

* + Spoken in Remote's flat:

**T****r****e****e**: It's spacious, isn't it? You didn't want to share with Black Hole?
**R****e****m****ot****e**: No. The sleeping situation would be too weird.
**B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: She's implying that I sleep-talk.

* + After Needle gets into Coiny and Pin's house:

**P****i****n**: Understood. We only wanted to know if you would react because your eyes were spirals.
**Sigune**: Spirals?
**Invisible Tomato**: Eyes?
**Co****i****ny**: Yeah, all of you!
**P****i****n**: When you got out of the Filing Cabinet, you couldn't even speak.
**Co****i****ny**: It was like you were *objects*.
**Hullopsis**: Must have been the craze of the moment.
**Need****le**: Er, yeah, lots of things happen when you're spinning on a giant hamster wheel for months on end. Anyway, is this where the party is?
[*Needle sits down.*]
**P****i****n**: It is now.
**Co****i****ny**: Oh, darn, I lost my train of thought. Who wants to get some food in Flat 10?
**Everyone**: Me!
[*Exeunt omnes, including* **Coiny**. *Manent* **Needle** *and* **Pin**, *who sit on the makeshift stage together.*]
**Need****le**: Can I stay with you people?
**P****i****n**: Why?
**Need****le**: Because the outside world... [*whispers*] scares me.

* Pencil was going to say Eraser has a big "Cronus", but I deleted that line because it sounded wrong.
* A few scenes near the end of the episode involving Pen were cut. He's not the main character ~~yet~~:
	+ While he was talking to himself, Marker was going to show up. Pen was going to vent to him (even though Marker would barely listen), and the latter would comfort him by offering to lead him a game of tossing the dirt, or rather the floorboards of the house. Spoiler alert: Marker will have a larger rôle in the next episode.
	+ As soon as Winner got eliminated—I'd even changed the content of their speech... that reference was a bit too obvious:

**Winner**: It's nice to know I'll be remembered outside of Berlin and not just for my fifteen moments of fame in cabaret.
**P****en**: Wow, I love cabaret!
**P****e****nci****l**: Of course you do. [*looks at the camera the same way Two did when they mentioned "The Color Purple"*]

## Notes

1. ↑ For context, the Filing Cabinet was lifted from its foundation in September 1986. This episode was filmed in January 1987, shortly after the turn of the year.
2. ↑ *In humanaho*, Pencil's just being Pen's barber: She's given him a horseshoe moustache for her amusement—the beard is gone, baby!
3. ↑ That's such a shady word to use in this context, like, omg.
4. ↑ For Barf Bag, Donut, Naily and Bomby, this isn't their first time.
5. ↑ Sorry to introduce more weird terminology, but the FC'ers who actually spent time inside the building will be called **Nixefta** (singular: "Nixeftum") **Interiora** or **Kyu-Nixefta**, and those picked up from September to January (and thus did not spend time in it) are called the **Nixefta Exteriora** or **Shin-Nixefta**.
6. ↑ That's Algebralien for "Eliminated contestants, failed first-episode debuters, extras, strangers, FEXITers, Profily and Nixefta Exteriora".
7. ↑ Okay, fine, all the new house designs were revealed in a magazine article from late 1986, hence the lack of fanfare one should expect when seeing the houses get renovated from episode 39. Also because I am *skit* at describing houses using interior design terminology.

**Fake TPOT** [V]