Boltzmann

### Family

Hardbutt Caviar (Father, 96) Rufina Caviar (Mother, 95) Charwig Caviar (Twin sister, 65)

### Connections

The Firebreathing Kittens GuildSufficiently Advanced Technologies Inc.

## Stats

### Cha

8

Boltzmann is a disembodied brain in a jar artificer and wizard with the Firebreathing Kittens. He controls a wheeled contraption of his own design, fitted with arms, tools, valves, rockets, fluid containers, and a harpoon. Boltzmann's condition is the result of a magical mishap, or perhaps a devious plot, but he is too preoccupied with everyday wonders to dwell on bygones like that.

## Characteristics

* ***Height.*** 4' on wheels, up to 8' on rollerblades.
* ***Weight.*** 180 lbs. of which 6 lbs. neural tissue.
* ***Voice.*** Somewhere between Emmett Brown and David Attenborough. Boltzmann speaks through a speaker plugged into his Broca's region.

### Appearance

Boltzmann appears as a giant glowing human brain, with the eyes still attached to their optic nerves. He is sustained by a viscous alchemical solution that allows his brain to survive outside of its body, in a large glass tube. Electrodes connect his brain to the contraption it's rolled around in.

This glass tube is reinforced with mithral mesh, fully rotational, and functions as the upper torso of the robotic body Boltzmann uses. It is topped by a tall round cover, which is equipped with two extendable arms and an exhaust pipe, and contains various machinery, including his arcane focus. The lower half of his body is rife with bells, knobs, lights, and whistles. Fastened panels swing open or slide away to reveal artisan's tools, weapons, or tubes that squirt out obscure liquids. Typically rolling around on individually controlled wheels, his body does have fold-out legs with rocket-powered inline skates for emergencies.

The Firebreathing Kitten guild logo is embossed on his lower torso, on a panel that slides sideways to reveal a rocket launcher.

### Personality

A scientist in every neuron, Boltzmann is passionate about uncovering, disseminating, and recreating the secrets of the multiverse, sometimes to the discomfort of others. For someone who never looks back, he is not very concerned with the consequences of his actions, usually preferring an interesting option over a wise one. Boltzmann believes preordained moral codes to be for the mentally impotent, but loves a good ethical quandary to ponder philosophically.

### Magic

Boltzmann has used alchemy, neurobiology, holography, biotechnology, and rocket science to reverse engineer wizardry. His spells are frequently paired with detailed explanations of how they work to anyone who will listen.

In his lower body there's a storage space that contains his spell book, in rolodex form. His arcane focus is a powerful electromagnet lodged into his parietal lobe.

### Companions

**Surimi:** This false crab familiar is the result of Boltzmann's ill-advised attempts to alchemically create a new life form. Surimi is legion, and all are Boltzmann, for his soul is what imbued them with life and sentience. Although he has tried to branch out, attempts at creating different animals from scratch have only resulted in more crabs.

**Mr. Langley:** Boltzmann's unwavering manservant, test dummy, therapist, and steel defender, a robotic chimpanzee. Mr. Langley is sturdy, stoic, silent, and stands with Boltzmann through thick and thin, no matter how many times or in what gruesome ways he's destroyed.

**Ms. Motoko:** A Displacer Beast, this 9-feet long, six-legged, tentacled cat monster is never where you think she is. She enjoys causing chaos, toying with innocent lives, and being scratched behind the ear. All in all, not so different from a regular cat.

## Background

Boltzmann is the alias of Stanward Caviar, brilliant engineer, natural scientist, and general boundary-pusher, currently presumed dead.

The Caviars are a highly esteemed family in the metropolitan city of Jishoap. Stanward and his twin sister Charwig were recognized as prodigies early in their life, and excelled in every science, sport, and artistic venture they tried their hand at. After obtaining degrees at Guaso's most prestigious universities, they founded Sufficiently Advanced Technologies together, a company whose products ran the gamut from chemical weaponry to edible underwear.

As they went on in age and Sufficiently Advanced Technologies grew, Stanward, as major shareholder and head of research, became increasingly disaffected by corporate politics, while Charwig became more and more involved. The previously inseparable pair started butting heads as a growing portion of the company's budget went into Stanward's personal projects: experiments aiming to create humanoid clones out of ice cream, bring about consciousness in forks, and cause people to fall in love with magnets, leading to angry shareholders and a *reputation* in the business tabloids.

Despite having many paramours and a penchant for living, and even being engaged once, Stanward never settled down during this time, always too busy drawing up plans, tightening screws, or setting up natural expeditions across Drawes. During his lifetime, he was chemically burned, impaled, had several fingers regenerated, and caught a record number of obscure diseases.

Perhaps it was one of these arcane disorders, or a mutation resulting from the many questionable experiments, but Stanward Caviar was the first and only person in Drawes to contract Osteabitus Teleportans (known to laymen as 'teleporting bone disease'). Refusing to get treatment before its cause could be identified, he instead invested another quarter of the company's yearly budget into research to discover where the disappearing bones went. Evidently, this was the last provocation he was afforded.

It was no secret that Caviar had more enemies than friends, and he was prepared for the assassination attempt. Whether Charwig had run out of patience, some shareholders had gotten fed up with his escapades, or he was onto something a competitor didn't want him to learn, he did not know. But a masked assailant, yelling and wildly swinging a knife around, charged into his private quarters one night as he laid in bed, mostly boneless, in his night gown.

Ever prepared, Caviar immediately activated a previously installed device designed to teleport his very brain out of its body, into a wheeled container set up directly underneath his bedroom, leaving his brainless, floppy body to the mercy of its assailant. Unfamiliar with the controls of this apparatus, he then immediately drove it straight out the window, plummeting from the 45th floor, in a daring escape. Fortunately, the parachute deployed automatically. Unfortunately, he landed in the ocean, and was immediately swept away by undertow.

A month later, Caviar finally washed up on shore in Niqamui. In need of gold to enhance his prosthetic body, liberated from his crippling disease, and looking to carve out a new life for himself, he decided to join the Firebreathing Kittens Guild under the alias of Boltzmann, his grandmother's maiden name, and rent out his weaponry and keen mind for mercenary work.

## Adventures

* Sea Scouts and Theatre Bouts
	+ Boltzmann teaches orphans the value of entrepreneurship, extols the virtues of amateur theatre, and adopts a Displacer Beast.
* Cross Crusty Running
	+ Drugged, kidnapped, involved in a mudslinging campaign, and to top it all off his brain mutated to double its size and is now glowing blue. Harumph! He also set out to let a mutated Phase Spider loose in the wild Canonical Jungles, so that it may eat the giant mosquitoes that have been terrorizing the locals.
* The Taxman Cometh
	+ Why does Boltzmann refuse to pay taxes? Is it because the government doesn't provide any services he could perform better for less money? Or is it simply because there's no better way to feel alive than to face off against the will of your fellows?
* The Tomb Where It Happens
	+ Boltzmann is given a makeover, refuses to solve puzzles, and is bested by a mysterious archdevil.
* The Brain Game (Moving Day Mini Episode)
	+ The taxman finally comes to collect, but Boltzmann is prepared for a home invasion.
* Sappy Little Trees
	+ We learn what happens when Boltzmann's brain is exposed to poison fog, piranhas, and psychedelic mushrooms.
* Two Brains are Better than One
	+ After encountering his own clone, Boltzmann finally learns the most important lesson of all.