B024 QoA X VRE: For the Queen!

> "*I'm sorry, I didn't know I was a traitor until I picked up this card!*"
> ― Travis
>
>

**QoA X VRE For the Queen!** is the twenty fourth Bonus Episode of Queens of Adventure. It is an early released episode for the Queens of Adventure: Legends feed for financial backers of the shows. In it, the Minneapolis cast meets up with the cast of the Very Random Encounters podcast to play For the Queen, a card based storytelling game.

## Synopsis

### Players:

#### Queens of Adventure

* DM Matt
* Nocturna Lee Missions - eladrin sorcerer
* The Other Jeannie Retelle - centaur barbarian
* Utica Queen - gay ass human wizard

#### Very Random Encounters:

* Greg Leatherman
* Logan Jenkins
* Travis

### Summary

The players take turns reading the setup cards: A queen is traveling to a distant land to forge an alliance and has brought along her retinue of people who she knows love her. Together the players will build their world. They take turns drawing cards and answering questions, which reveal details of the Queen, themselves, and their journey.

#### **The Queen:**

The Queen wears a lot of gold and silver jewelry, works a side pony and coiffed hair, and rides a horse. She is fearless, sad, but hopeful. She wears beetle like armor. Although she is ferocious, paradoxically she is someone people feel comfortable following and learning from. Wherever she goes, she has a floral background brought. She is very attached to her animal companions.

#### **Utica**:

Utica comes from a small town with no leadership, so she has chosen to follow this Queen. She brings a positive outlook to the world. While usually the Queen goes to bed and everyone takes care of her needs, one time the Queen did this for Utica, making sure she went to sleep soundly. Her magic style tends towards fake it til you make it. While she loves the Queen, she finds the Queen's impossible food and drink orders frustrating. She thinks the Queen once complimented her under her breath.

#### **Matt**:

Matt is a stealthy assassin who brought poison. His clan warred with the Queen's people, and he was thrown into her dungeon. Only by pledging loyalty to the Queen was he allowed out. He praised another queen in the Queen's presence, and forgot to praise her, drawing her ire. Their journey takes them through the land of his people, near his family withering vineyards, but he doesn't break away from the retinue as the job is too big for one person. Years ago, he helped maintain a visiting dignatary's menagerie, and his puma followed him. So the Queen got him his own puma. It was sweet, but he is terrified of the puma. He suspects others (Greg) of false crying to earn the Queen's sympathy as she is a softie for crying.

#### **Travis**:

They are the Queen's cultural/anthropological adviser. They believe that the country they are at war with is a threat to stability, and so agrees it should be stopped. They have arranged an attack on the queen, in an attempt to trigger a war with this country (the one Matt is from). They felt bad after the Queen summoned them to plan a birthday party for Jeannie, but no one remembered their birthday the previous week. They are used to never getting praise for doing a good job, but when she does stop to thank them, it lights a fire in Travis.

#### **Greg**:

No one in the retinue trusts Greg, who reports everything to the Queen. He is aware that the Queen is tense, and suspects she may be plotting to kill the noble they are going to see if they have intentions to challenge for the throne. This is because, to quench a rumor that Greg is the Queen's child (he called her Mom once), he brought the royal family history along, which proves the rival queen has a claim to the throne. The Queen promised him he could rule the country they're attacking in her stead if they win. Considered ugly by nearly everyone, he doesn't let it matter because the Queen sees his usefulness.

#### **Nocturna**:

The Queen's Jester and hairstylist, who was turned on and terrified when on the day she was hired the queen touched her shoulder. She is secretly straight, and hides her love by writing about in a journal bound by the skin of her last love. The others are jealous of her for being close to the queen (and winking at the others while braiding the Queen's hair). She asked for wine when they stopped for a drink during their travels, and was denied. She licked a glass clean (which Matt may or may not have poisoned). Once, she was in her tent writing in her journal and the Queen came in. She said she knew Nocturna was straight, loved her, and kept it a secret.

#### **Logan**:

The Queen took a liking to his landscape painting, so now he has to bring her backdrops with her wherever she goes. He fell in love with her when he noticed (while holding up banners behind her) how perfect the back of her hair always looks. Once, when the opposing army attacked, Logan used his painting skills to face paint camouflage and hide. Considered beautiful by all, he once painted a backdrop with a self portrait, but had his head sticking through. The queen said his skills had diminished, hurting his pride. His next self portrait featured him dying and mutilated, which the queen praised. He hasn't forgiven her.

#### **Jeannie**:

The team Mom, finding strength to push through her doubts and get the others moving. Like the Queen, she has seen some shit, and the Queen knows that Jeannie will push her through hardships as well. Because she is like a mother, those who are in her good graces are in the Queen's good graces. But if the queen loses her power, Jeannie will lose hers. She saw the queen once kill a puma that was part of their traveling group to give the retinue something better to eat, and gave the coat to Jeannie. She suspects Logan is the Queen's favorite, but is hard on him because she know he can do good work.

#### **Defend the Queen?**

The queen falls under attack. All of the retinue but one leap to defend the queen. Matt, when the time comes, finds himself tipping poison into her glass. Greg, who has taken to testing the queen's food, succumbs to the poison (after trying to burn the book of family history). After his death, Jeannie finds the unburnt book, and learns the cousin's claim to the throne. She kills herself, and Matt steals the puma teeth necklace and skin cloak from her body.

## Episode Notes

### Memorable Quotes

* "The one thing I remember about that was how turned on and terrified I was." - Nocturna Lee Mission
* "How do you pull the retina- FUCK!" - The Other Jeannie Retelle
* "I am not her child. I called her Mom once, and it was a mistake!" - Greg
* "Okay, but how many 21st birthdays have you had at this point?" - "Nine!" - Travis and Greg
* "I haven't been able to paint in like months because I've just been holding this up all day."- Logan
* "Somebody's got to weed. Somebody's got to put up the... strings... that the vines were tied to. I don't remember very much about the business." - Matt
* "Sorry, I didn't know I was a traitor until I picked up this card!" - Travis
* "Well I only do two things in my position: Poorly juggle and braid hair." - Nocturna Lee Mission
* "I've heard those wine people are really vicious." - The Other Jeannie Retelle
* "If I can get a hot water, but let it cool. I just want to know it was once hot." - Utica Queen
* "The puma also prefers water that was once scalding hot."
* "Sometimes I get a little forgetful. I've got a puma to look after!" - Matt
* "I feel like you have a super soaker full of scalding hot water." - "It's one of my best spells." - Logan and Utica Queen
* "So you Norman Bates as the Queen some nights?" - The Other Jeannie Retelle
* "Wait, is every journal in the kingdom made with real human skin?"

### References

* Big Bad Beetleborgs
* Star Wars Protocol Droid
* When A Stranger Calls
* Norman Bates - Psycho
* Jumanji

### Name That Tune

* "When You're Good to Mama" - Chicago
* "I Will Always Love You" - Dolly Parton

## Behind the Queens

* Podcast community member 'AWildSquirtle' sent a copy of the game in to be used for this episode.
* This episode was recorded at Gaylaxicon 2019, earlier in the day as the Gaylaxicon episode.
* In the outro, Matt also plugs Greg's upcoming RPG game: Glitter Hearts.