Therapy

Nicole: Well euhm. I’m here to talk about something that happened.

Patricia: **Shall we start with you telling me exactly what happened?**

Euhm, shouldn’t we start with the back story? I think it needs some context.

**If you feel that is necessary, yes.**

It’s just that it involves… feelings regarding my previous marriage.

**That’s a difficult subject. Can you tell me about it?**

Well you… Wait, how much do you know about my marriage?

**Not that much. I have only accessed level B classified information. Let’s assume for the purpose of this therapy session that I know nothing. So, please begin from the start.**

Well then. I was married to Michiel - from the Syndicate - before he was a fully initiated member of the Technocracy. That meant a lot of secrets. That.. put a lot of stress on our marriage.

**What kinds of stress specifically? Can you give an example?**

I usually had to make long hours, irregular hours. And I couldn't tell him what I was doing. That raised a lot of suspicion.

**Did you fight about this? Or were you ignoring it? How did you work this out between the two of you?**

Mostly the fighting thing I guess. I just felt that he should trust me more. I kept telling him it was just work. Which it was. But it wasn't enough. But i couldn't tell him what I really did.

**So, did you get into screaming matches? Reasonable discussions? Did it escalate into physical violence?**

No, nothing like that. Just silence. That brooding atmosphere between us at times. I mean, when we split up, it wasn’t that hostile, all things considered. But we still split up.

**What was the straw that broke the camel's back?**

Ehm. I’m not sure there was one. Well, im sure there was one, but I’m not sure I can tell you. I’m sure he has his straws. But we never really talked about that. In the end it was more his decision than mine I think.

H**ow did you feel when he made that decision?**

That’s a difficult question. Part of me was relieved, cause I was feeling the stress. I didn't have to hide things anymore, not from him at least.

**Were you sad?**

Well of course.

**How did you cope with it?**

Work, for the most part.

**And for the other part?**

Which other part?

**You said mostly**

Well, not. I smoked more. I had therapy.

**Did it break your dreams about a happy marriage, a happily ever after, with two kids, a dog and a white picket fence?**

In a sense I guess. But part of me understood that was never my destination anyway.

**So you’re more of a career women.**

Well yes.

**Not sharing the burdens of your life with anyone?**

Again, I did therapy. I think I’m pretty much over it by now.

**But it was important enough to let me know.**

I think so. But recently something happened that reawakened some of the nagging feelings that I had.

**So, what did he do?**

Well, he didn’t tell.

**Tell what?**

Everything. That he worked for the TU. That he was an enlightened scientist.

**Do you blame him for that?**

Can’t really blame him for what I did myself, can I?

**Logically, no. But emotionally, it’s different.**

Besides, he didn’t hide anything from me, he hid it from his girlfriend.

**Do you know that girlfriend?**

I’ve spoken with her, but only on limited occasions.

**Did he flaunt her to you?**

No, it was very civil between us.

**Did you feel jealous?**

Well, partially. I guess. I mean, he did get a girlfriend and I didn’t. But that’s normal, isn’t it?

**Depends on how you cope with it.**

It was never really a problem. Until - well, shall I just skip to what happened?

**You are skirting the question.**

I am sidestepping it to come to the real point.

**You are here for therapy. Not to tell nice stories. I prefer stories that are not nice.**

I was coping fine. I mean, I didn’t really see her all that much anyway.

**Did you research her?**

Of course not - that’s Levi’s job.

**So, he has been failing a lot, lately, hasn’t he?**

Well, then it falls to - well - you. I mean, I don’t do internal policing outside of the NSC.

**Please answer my questions honestly Nicole. This is a therapy session, not a performance review.**

Like I said, I didn’t. In retrospect, we might have avoided all of this if I did.

**I meant about Levi, my dear.**

That he has been failing a lot? I mean, he has a lot of stress - it’s not my place to judge, surely. Besides, this isn’t his performance review, either.

**Thanks for answering the question, no repressed feelings there. Shall we continue to what you believe is the main point, then?**

Well - Michiel didn’t tell Mireille - that’s her - about his… position in the TU. And she didn’t tell him about hers.

**She’s not in the TU though, is she?**

No, her status in the Traditions.

**So, both of them kept secrets. Secrets that ruined your relationship.**

Right. And it ruined theirs as well. Well, and she died - that’s bad too.

**Did you feel he should have learned from your mistakes?**

Yes - in a way. It’s just that I’m not sure what we should have learned.

**Not keeping secrets from your true love?**

Well, there’s two ways to do that. And the one I always followed was just not having any true love that you had to keep secrets from.

**Are you implying you didn’t love your husband?**

Of course I did - that’s where I learned the lesson from. I always felt that… In a way, I shouldn’t try relations like that afterwards.

**I disagree with that. Compared to the psychological profile I have of you, you can be an excellent employee of the Technocratic Union without a personal life. But to find true happiness, you need friends. True friends. Not necessary a significant other, but that would give a significant boost to your happiness levels.**

Well, there’s always the option of finding a significant other in the TU… but really, I’m starting to think that I did learn the wrong lesson. It’s just… what then?

**What do you mean?**

I mean - if I do have a significant other, it’s either keep things from him, or tell him things I’m not allowed to.

**So, what is the problem with disobeying orders? You are not programmed anymore.**

Apart from the cosy room 101 visits? Secrets exist for a reason. At least, I thought they did.

**But your aren’t sure anymore?**

Well - look at everything that happened. Not just Mireille, but keeping T0 from the rest of the Union, all the secrecy surrounding the SPD… I mean, some secrets have saved people, but a lot of them just brought misery.

**So, what is stopping you from deciding for yourself which secrets to keep and which secrets to share?**

That’s the thing - I’m starting to think there isn’t anything. Not anymore.

**And why exactly is that a problem? You are an intelligent, well educated woman. You can think for yourself, can’t you?**

I can. It’s just… such a shift in perspective? Am I loyal to the TU if I keep things from them? Or if I divulge information they think should be a secret?

**Are you?**

I think I am. I still believe in the TU’s vision. It’s just… it’s become more hazy lately.

**You believe in it’s vision, but not necessary in it’s methods? You did choose me for a therapy session for a reason…**

That’s part of it, I guess. I just… after seeing T0, and the excesses of what the TU can stand for - I can’t trust it blindly anymore.

**I think we have reached breakthrough here. What would you consider alternative methods?**

Well…

**Yes?**

Look at the mages… Traditionalists. They… Their world view is flawed. Deeply flawed. But I’m starting to think it’s a necessary worldview to have, for a healthy world.

**I’m afraid I don’t understand you completely. Can you explain it a little more please?**

*Nicole frowns as her headset blinks:*

`*Initializing call-home subroutines... Link detected.*
*ERROR: Data link corrupted*
*ERROR: Data cache encryption key corrupted*
*Attempting secondary connection override*
*ERROR: Link dropped*
*ERROR: Subroutines corrupted*`
**You are silent, Nicole. I asked you a question. Like before, this is just therapy, please answer honestly.**

`*Dumping log to secondary storage*
*ERROR: storage i/o error*`
Computer, end therapy program.

Delete all logs and subroutines.

Thrash entropic encrytion key.

Release spatial scramble lock

*The computer responds:*

`**Please Press One for Restart**`

*Nicole starts moving her hand towards the touchscreen, when she suddenly remembers program 3B. She manages to pull away her hand just in time for the handcuffs.*

*The therapy AI restarts:*

`Hello. My Name is Patricia. Thank You For Selecting Me for Your Therapy Session.
Please Use the Menu for Selecting Your Options.
Select One for Trauma Therapy.
Select Two for Anger Management Therapy.
Please Select Three for Penance Therapy.
Which Therapy Would You Like to Choose?`

*Nicole deletes the sound files from the first couple of minutes she entered the room as well:*

`**Thank You for Selecting Option Three.**
Please Select Option A for Standard Psychological Procedures.
Please Select option B for Patricia Specific Penance Options.
**You Have Chosen Option B.**
Please Handcuff Yourself to This Machine.`

Abort. System override.

`**You Have Chosen Option A.**`

You are really annoying. Can we begin?

**Please Begin**

*Return to Secrets and Truths*