For the Record...

**For the Record...** is the third episode of the first series of The Osbournes. It originally aired on the 19th March 2002.

## Summery

Ozzy's releases his first solo album in six years. Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne arrive at a in-store gig. Ozzy sign autographs and takes photos with fans, including an entire squad of security guards.

Afterwards, Ozzy and Sharon go to KROQ-FM and have an interview on Loveline. Jack listens to the interview over the radio in a friend's car. Ozzy and Sharon discuss their sex life, and how Ozzy has been using Viagra excessively because he had been 'shooting blanks'. Jack winces in embarrassment as the Osbournes go on to say how Ozzy would get 'hard' at inconvenient times when Sharon is sleeping and not interested.

On the day Jack goes to camp, Melinda tries to wake up Jack. But Jack is very depressed for some unknown reason and it becomes a struggle for Melinda to get him up. Jack manages to get to the school bus in time and is off to camp, but Sharon is very worried that Jack may need medication. Afterwards Sharon and Kelly take a private flight to New York to be with Ozzy. Ozzy appears on a TRL show with daughter Kelly, who is told backstage not to swear on stage.

Kelly's 17th birthday is coming up and Sharon has arranged a themed party back at home. While going over the development of Kelly's party, Sharon gets a call from Jack's school that Jack is coming back from camp. Jack had been complaining that he didn't like the students, he threw rocks at students and tents and he cursed at the school captain.

Morning after her 17th birthday party, Kelly reveals to Ozzy that she has a tattoo on her hip. Sharon is disappointed and says she's a very stupid person. Ozzy finishes the episode saying, with advice about tattoos, in other words don't have any, that he doesn't want an eagle on his daughter's buttock.

## Memorable Quotes

"*Please Sharon! You...What the fuck are you doing...a stripper with no clothes on!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Mum that's a very Ricky Martin like coat.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*Do you think this looks like Ricky Martin on a day off?*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Fucking, I hate these fucking stretch bastards. Joke fucking coke pimp-mobiles.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Why did you get a stretch? I feel like a dick head in this thing!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*You can't turn up to a Insta-rave in a taxi.*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*look at the ceiling it's like Kelly's bedroom!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Oh Wonderful we'll live here then!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*I hope they like the album cause I think I'm gonna get killed.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*It's good to be the king!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*We're gonna talk about sexual intercourse and things. That's why I brought my wife, because I forgot what it's like.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*I,I got a bottle of those...viagra and,and I'm all loaded but I fire blanks, y'know.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Eurgh LALALALA!*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*No but he started to take viagra and we would wait and wait for it to work and I'm fall asleep and he'd be there with a big boner and I'm just fast asleep and he can't wake me up!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*I go "SHARON I'M READY!" She's going "shhi-at last!" I'm lying there like I'm camping tent pole!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Watch how crazy the next four days are gonna be.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Rob is my best friend but you all think he's my boyfriend, you're so dirty!*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*He looks depressed. My God! He looks depressed! Do you think he needs medication?*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Look at those, how do you get through a metal detector, I mean look at those.*"
— Conan O'Brien

"*And it urinates at the Alamo when you get there*"
— Ozzy Osbourne (about a doll of him)

"*Wait your urinates? Mine urinates and it's not suppose to.*"
— Conan O'Brien

"*I know! I can't say fuck I have to behave myself!*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*You can't say what? Terrible isn't it The way my children speak these days.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*I learn from you daddy.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*Yeah honey, you learn from the best booby.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*How the fuck do you feed a tree? Where do you put a ham sandwich by the tree?*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Oh I'm in so much trouble! They're gonna call mum and dad in!*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*Why are they gonna call mum and dad in?*"
— Melinda

"*Cause um... Let me see I threw a rock at some tents, throwing rocks at kids. I err told the councilor to "Go fuck" himself.*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*Did you have fun?*"
— Melinda

"*Yeah I had fun. I had fun fucking around, breaking the rules and getting yelled at.*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*It really is like a cult up there a fun loving, hippy cult*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*Nah Nah She isn't mad at you just thinks you're a very stupid person.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*I already know that already I didn't need a tattoo to tell me that.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*If If you want any advice from me on tattoos. To be someone unique don't have a tattoo cause everyone and their friend has a tattoo.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

## Trivia

* Oddly the DVD uses titles the episode as "Like father, Like Daughter" in fact even Sharon refers to this as that title as well.
* This episode marks the first appearance of Robert, who would later be adopted into the Osbourne family unofficially.