Callin' Collin: Do I Have a Girlfriend?

Today's luck is turning around for Collin on his hit podcast, "Callin' Collin". He gets to give advice to some very good-looking ladies and does he even land himself a GIRLFRIEND??? Find out now!

## Transcript

Mallory: I'm Collin. I'm eleven. I wrote an advice column for my school and it must have been good, because now I have a podcast, and the rest is history, as they say and such. You're watching Callin' Collin.

Mallory: Callin' Callin' Collin, you called Collin, who dis?
**Caller 1**: Hi Collin, it's Vanessa, I'm a friend of your big brother.
Mallory: Vanessa Edwards? Like, from the dance team?
**Caller 1**: Yep.
Mallory: Oh... uh...

Mallory: Vanessa, uh... uh... you caught me in the middle of uh.. in the workout gym. I was just... - shut up! Shut up! ...um, I was just thigh lifting a cool fifty.
**Caller 1**: Oh wow, good for you, Collin.
Mallory: Yeah. What are you... what are you... what are you why... why are you... what are you... why are you calling? You have hair of gold. Ugh.
**Caller 1**: Oh, I thoguht it would be fun to call in and ask you a question. You're always so cute.

**Caller 1**: Anyway, just for fun. What summer job do you think I should get this year? Should I work at Jamba Juice or be a lifeguard at the water park?
Mallory: Jamba...
**Caller 1**: Yeah, I was leaning that way. I like Jamba Juice too.
Mallory: Yeah, we... we have a lot in common. ...I love you...
**Caller 1**: What?
Mallory: Nothing. I... I love you.
**Caller 1**: What?
Mallory: Goodbye!

Mallory: Oh! Are we together now? Do I have a girlfriend? No? That's not...? Still. I'm in the game. Okay, it's sponsor time.

*Sparkly Vanilla Lip Smackers
It doesn't taste as good as it smells
I put some on*
Mallory: All right. Callin' Callin' Collin, you called Collin, who dis?
**Caller 2**: Collin, hey, it's your friend Greg's mom.
Mallory: Be cool, be cool, guys. She's... she's even hotter. She's even hotter. Craig's mom, why are you calling at such an hour? You caught me faceshaving and wearing cologna.
**Caller 2**: Well, Collin, I just called to find out what you think the theme should be for Craig's birthday this month. I was thinking maybe Lego Batman?
Mallory: Ooh, uh, Lego Batman is cool, but it's kind of kids' stuff, and Craig and I are men now. My dad had me mow one quarter of the lawn last week. Just... not to brag.
**Caller 2**: Okay, so a more grown-up theme then?
Mallory: Yeah, maybe something manly, like hairgel theme or business documents theme.
**Caller 2**: Really? Craig doesn't seem into those things.
Mallory: Huh, well, Craig is into some less mature stuff than me. I kind of think of him more like... a son.
**Caller 2**: Okay, so I'll rethink the theme then, thank you.
Mallory: Uh-huh. Maybe the theme could be "you, being open to dating a much younger man"-theme.
**Caller 2**: Goodbye, Collin.
Mallory: No, no, Lego Batman is cool, it's...

Mallory: Felt pretty good about that. Callin' Callin' Collin, you called Collin, who dis?
**Caller 3**: Collin, hello, this is Mrs. Crawford from school.
Mallory: Mrs. Crawford, the eighty-year-old PE teacher?
**Caller 3**: That's me.
Mallory: This day just keeps getting better, dang! Uh! Uh! So many ladies, so many women! So many ladies, so many women!