Fireworks

"*Jesus Christ, that was right outside my window! It's scaring my dog!*"
―Erik
Fireworks is the 116th lesson of Internet Comment Etiquette. It was released on July 4, 2020.

## Summary

Erik decides to do a lesson about meditation and tries to create a peaceful state of mind, but then an annoying persoinstarts setting off fireworks. So Erik does a lesson on fireworks instead. He watches a news video about fireworks going off in New York City. The video talks about people and pets whose nights are ruined whenever fireworks are set off. In the comments there are crazy people saying that it's to prepare people for the sound of munitions. Erik leaves a comment of his own telling people he's in the market for illegal fireworks. He times his comment to the fireworks but then they stop right as he posts.

Erik goes on Twitter to find some clues and he finds a post about a random guy selling illegal fireworks. Then he sees evidence that the police, the fire department, and random people in the street are setting off fireworks. Erik wants to join them so he asks NYPD if he can buy some on Twitter, but NYPD is actually a different group that hates cops. He finds a tweet tipping off the cops that the illegal fireworks are on Facebook Marketplace, so Erik thanks him and goes to look for some fireworks.

On Facebook Marketplace Erik finds a bunch of poorly disguised posts that are secretly selling fireworks. He messages one of them, but then he realizes it will be even easier to get fireworks on Craigslist. He emails some of the Craigslist users, but they don't have any of the shirtless old man fireworks that he wants. Then some more fireworks go off and Erik decides that Narfi basically has to be scared every night for the rest of her life. He watches a video of how to teach a dog not to be scared of fireworks. The guy in the video fires a strater pistol and yells at his dog. Then he posts a bunch of mean replies to the comments under his video. Erik tries it out and fires a rifle at Narfi but she just runs away.

Erik tries to buy some more fireworks, and then he sees that New York City is going to let Macy's set off random fireworks for a week. He's surprised that the news article still has a comments section. He makes the Pissbox Nippleman account to leave his own comments. Then he fires a gun again and Narfi doesn't react. Then Erik throws a grenade at her.

Erik looks at the comments on IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT VIDEO for Erik's new Youtooz figure and all of the comments are either being mean to him or explaining how they're going to use it sexually.

## Comments

*Yo those fireworks look fucking awesome! Anyone in here selling fireworks? Hit me up at nudecelebsforfree@gmail.com I can't wait to put them up my ass and rocket jump all the way to heaven where I can finally set things straight with my late friend Johnny. See, when he passed we still had some bad blood. The guilt's been eating away at me like an infection, and so maybe I just need to light up a huge box of professional grade fireworks inside my asshole and aim it at the ground until I make good with Johnny up in heaven. He was the best of us, the best any of us could be. Well except for when he murdered that prostitute and the cops took him down. Hey you know what he's probably not in heaven.*
- Erik

*@NYPD Hey can I buy some fireworks?*
- @commentiquette

*You can find them on Facebook marketplace*
- @blood\_edgar

*THANK YOU*
- Erik

*I want to buy the F-Works (fireworks)*
- Erik

*Hey I don't give a shit about the fireworks but how much to come over and sleep naked in your basement? It looks exactly like the one I was raised in and I need that nostalgia hit bitch. You can even shoot fireworks at me if you're okay with me calling you mommy.*
- Dildar Pissknuckles

*Do you have this one*
- Dildar Pissknuckles

*Do you have any David sprinklers?*
- Dildar Pissknuckles

*yall got any davids?*
- Dildar Pissknuckles

*how about them larrys*
- Dildar Pissknuckles

*I've been using gunshots to train my dogs to actually BE scared. I run at them all crazy with a gun in my hand calling them bad dogs and then I make em dance by shooting at their feet. I also dress like a police officer and launch fireworks at my dogs to help them understand that it's really the cops behind these nightly firework bombardments as a psy-op to make other dudes feel like their fireworks aren't good enough and then nobody's gonna wanna shoot off any fireworks if they all realize the cops have the best shit, so thank you cops. Yo by the way, do your own research before you come at me you sheep bitches, because I've got receipts so long that CVS wants to take me to court! Well for that and also because I strangled a stock boy when he told me to put on a mask. Anyway I gotta go it's getting dark out and I have a whole box of Davids ready to fly peace out cool video, by the way I understand it was a starter pistol so please don't yell at me and hey... nice dick dude*
- Erik

*Hey I need to blow up a dead goat that's been on my property for a couple days because I'm too old to drag him to the trash. How many whistlin busters do you think I need to stuff inside that thing to disintegrate its bones? No price is too high, the goat had an amazing life insurance plan.*
- Dildar Pissknuckles

*How is this possibly a good idea given the current situation with thousands of illegal fireworks being set off overnight in the city?  Now they will add unannounced legal fireworks displays so that people can't know the difference between the legal fireworks and the illegal ones.  This is a really dumb idea and whoever thought of it should not be in city government.*
- joelgreenwald

*Hey there I’m Macy’s CEO Pissbox Nippleman and you can shut the f&^ up idiot. I’m not even in the government, I’m CEO of Macy’s and just between me and you, sometimes I f^$% the mannequins. By the way if you wanna buy some David Sprinklers we have like a hundred pallets going for cheeeeeaaaap.*
- Pissbox Nippleman

*NO ONE WANTS THIS MACYS. WE HAVE HAD ENOUGH FIREWORKS.**sincerely,**all of NYC*
- lenadouris

*One time I popped a nut so hard that it fired through my roof and everybody in the neighborhood thought it was fireworks because it detonated an airplane and killed a whole soccer team.*
- Pissbox Nippleman

*Man I ain't buying that shit*
- CtrlAltDan

*well then FUCK YOU*
- Erik

*future erik, do i ever get laid?*
- Tickleshits

*you get laid off when you're 52*
- Erik

## Video

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