Riders Radio Theater Medley

**Riders Radio Theater Medley** is a sketch featured on the 2003 album *Silver Jubilee*. The track serves as a 6-minute "mini-episode" of the *Riders Radio Theater* series, with many of the show's characters making brief appearances to celebrate Riders In The Sky's 25th anniversary.

## Transcript

(RIDERS RADIO THEME) (see *Riders Radio Theme* for lyrics)

TEXAS BIX BENDER: And now Riders Radio Theater presents the ongoing saga of The Cowboy Way. As faithful listeners will no doubt recall, Riders In The Sky are celebrating their "Silver Jubilee".

(RIDERS HOLLER AND "YEE-HAW" IN JOY)

TEXAS BIX BENDER: A quarter of a century on the trail! And congratulations are pouring in from everywhere! Here's one from High Sheriff Drywall...

SHERIFF DRYWALL: Howdy, boys. I-I'm so sorry I can't be there in person with ya on the big big twenty five year celebration, but in honor of being with y'all for twenty five years on the trail, I wrote a little song. It goes a little bit like this...

(DRYWALL STRUMS ACOUSTIC GUITAR AND BEGINS TO SING)

SHERIFF DRYWALL: *Twenty five years in the saddle, I can't take much more. Twenty five years in the saddle, Lord my butt is sore*. Hehe-hehe. I call it "My Sore Butt". Hehe, maybe y'all could put it on your next record.

RANGER DOUG: I think we just did...

TEXAS BIX BENDER: Yes, and now here's one from the Riders' old camp-cook, Sidemeat.

SIDEMEAT: \*Mwah\* Boys, I've baked ya a special twenty five pound anniversary biscuit \*Mwah\*

RANGER DOUG: Aw great...

SIDEMEAT: Here it is boys, gimmie a hand here, Ranger Doug \*Mwah\*

RANGER DOUG: Look out! Hey, look out!

(CRASHING SOUND EFFECT)

SIDEMEAT: Oh... oh no. It's ruined \*Mwah\*

SHERIFF DRYWALL: It's terrible...

SIDEMEAT: Maybe I could sell it to the Navy...

TEXAS BIX BENDER: Time marches on, and now we have one from Cash Arbitrage, the president of the First Rational Bank of Tumbleweed Valley.

CASH ARBITRAGE: Gentlemen, it's come to my attention here at First Rational Bank, where we think we know what we're doing, that you're celebrating your twenty fifth anniversary. Congratulations! Oh, and a footnote: thanks to a technicality in the tax code recently enacted by our new congress, our armed agents will be at your ranch tomorrow at four PM to foreclose on your mortgage. Have a nice day.

RANGER DOUG: Looks like we've got another twenty five years of work ahead of us, boys.

TEXAS BIX BENDER: Here's one from Sergent Dudley of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

SGT DUDLEY: He-he! Hello, hello, eh? I'm taking time out from our national sport of Beaver Flipping to wish you all the best, right Youdon King?

YOUDON KING: Rrrrright!

TEXAS BIX BENDER: And finally comes one from two denizens of the dark side from deep in the backroom of the Dry Gulch Saloon...

SLOCUM: He-he-he-he-he... Eh, twenty five years of Riders In The Sky, Charlie.

CHARLIE: Right, Slocum.

SLOCUM: Yeah, kinda makes me sick.

CHARLIE: Yeah...

SLOCUM: I can only imagine what life would have been like *without* Riders In The Sky around. Boy, we'd be rich, Charlie. We'd run the world. You know that?

CHARLIE: Yeah?

SLOCUM: Just use your imagination and think about it, Charlie.

CHARLIE: What?

SLOCUM: Your imagination, use it.

CHARLIE: Huh? What's that?

SLOCUM: You know, your brain power, Charlie.

CHARLIE: What?

SLOCUM: Charlie... do you ever use words longer than *one syllable*?!

CHARLIE: Uh...

SLOCUM: I wonder if Ranger Doug knows what it's like to work with an idiot for twenty five years...

WOODY PAUL: Gosh, do you Ranger Doug?

TOO SLIM: Yeah, Ranger Doug, do you know what it's like to work with an idiot for a quarter of a century?

TEXAS BIX BENDER: Yeah, do ya?

SIDEMEAT: Yeah, do ya?

SHERIFF DRYWALL: Hehe, yeah, do ya?

JOEY THE COW-POLKA KING: Yeah, do ya Ranger Doug?

RANGER DOUG: Yes. Yes I do...

TEXAS BIX BENDER: And that concludes this exciting episode of Riders Radio Theater. Tune in next time when we begin an exciting new adventure entitled *Fifty Big Ones: On The Trail of The Golden Goose*! And now here again are Riders In The Sky...

RANGER DOUG: Thank you, Texas Bix Bender. It's been a great twenty five year trail ride, but new horizons wait for us. Time to saddle up our ponies and ride into the sunset. Speaking for Woody Paul, for Too Slim, for Joey The Cow-Polka King, this is Ranger Doug, "Idol of American Youth" saying from all of us to all of you...

(SO LONG SADDLE PALS) (see *So Long, Saddle Pals* for lyrics)

TEXAS BIX BENDER: This has been a Mammoth Radio Pictures production, taped live in the Tumbleweed Valley "Theater of The Mind".

## Notes

* The track's official title is **Riders Radio Theater Medley/So Long Saddle Pals**, as the song is featured at the end of the sketch. Because of the song's inclusion, Woody Paul receives writing credit on the album's liner notes, though he had no part in writing the RRT sketch preceding the song.