Fake TPOT 5b: Two Rocks the Elderly

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Because the real-life version of this episode has already been released, this page can **no longer be edited**, except to correct the smallest spelling mistakes or to add/modify the episode's description.

"**Two Rocks the Elderly**" is the second part of the non-canon fifth episode of *TPOT* by Jacknjellify. It was released on 26 August 1974. This episode is only headcanon to me, that is, until the real TPOT 5 (or even TPOT 2) comes out.

Previous episode: "So This Is Life"

Next episode: "The Seekers Are Inn!"

## The contest

### **With Just Not**

**Scene**Continued from last time.
* **W****al****ke****r**: My name is Walter McRae, and yes, I am Cake's grandfather, and yes, I am in disguise right now.

[*The rest of the team stand in shock.*]

* **C****a****ke**: [*to Book*] Told you.

[*Book starts making the same noises she made in BFB 12, this time not out of anger but out of sheer surprise.*]

* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: This is some serious "Six Degrees of Egg and Bacon" right here.
* **C****a****ke**: But... Grandpa, what are you doing in this hotel, with all those other people?
* **W****al****ke****r**: I'm here for the convention, the yadda yadda convention with my good friends.
* **C****a****ke**: You mean the Gogmatic Pilgrimage and Workshop Revival Camp-Turned-Auditorium Meeting Convention?
* **W****al****ke****r**: That's right.
* **C****a****ke**: But... you used to hate those things!
* **W****al****ke****r**: I know, I know, but I have changed since then. Pull up a chair and let me tell you about what's gone on after your grandma died.

[*Naily, Book and Price Tag collectively make an audible breathing-in sound.*]

* **N****a****ily**: Oooh... that's a lot of death you're talking about.
* **Bo****ok**: We'll just leave you two alone now so you can catch up.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Bye, Cake, the slip's on the table, 'kay, thanks, bye!

[*Exeunt* **Naily**, **Book** *and* **Price Tag** *hastily.*]

* **W****al****ke****r**: So the year was nineteen-eleventy-seven...

### **Staircase**

**Scene**Naily, Book and Price Tag are going downstairs so they can go outside. They are sad for some reason.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Ugh, why do people keep talking about death in this universe? Can't they see we've seen enough?
* **N****a****ily**: Heck, yeah!
* **Bo****ok**: Hey, why did we say we're going down here again?
* **N****a****ily**: We're making a shrine for the dead contestants.

### **With the team8s**

**Scene**Silvery is talking Coiny's and Needle's ears out (figuratively, of course). Gaty sits next to them, clearly bored.
* **S****il****very**: And then there were these *humans*, which are these horrible giant creatures. But that's a story for another hour.
* **Co****i****ny**: That was the most amazing thing I've ever heard!
* **S****il****very**: Thank you for that, Coiny. And let me say that your Pin says I tell stories as well as you make her feel like a duchess.
* **Co****i****ny**: Aw, she really said that?
* **S****il****very**: You would think I would lie and say the word *duchess* for no reason?
* **Need****le**: Even I think that's sweet!
* **S****il****very**: So, what do you want to do next?

[*Needle gets the slip of paper and hands it to Coiny.*]

* **Co****i****ny**: Well, we're in the middle of a challenge right now.
* **Need****le**: And we'd very much appreciate it if you would put your name on this line.
* **Co****i****ny**: Yeah, to show that we've taken good care of you.

[**Silvery** *adjusts Silvery's intraocular lens implants.*]

* **S****il****very**: Sure, I'll sign. After all, you two *did* take good care of me! [*while signing*] Are you really friends with Two?
* **Need****le**: Yeah.
* **Co****i****ny**: Long story.

[*Gaty takes the slip of paper.*]

* **G****at****y**: I'll take that.

[*She hastily runs out of the room without a goodbye.*]

* **S****il****very**: She's kind of—
* **Need****le**: Standoffish?
* **S****il****very**: I was going to say heartlessly callous.
* **G****at****y**: [*who is practically sprinting down the hallway but can somehow hear them all talking about her*] I'm sorry, I'm a little awkward! [*Aside.*] Yeah, not going to tell Saw about this.

### **Hotel lobby**

**Scene**Still a crowded scene. Balloony sulks as he is stood (with Cloudy and Rocky) under a sign that says "Wait 5 minutes, the manager is on break". Enter **Gaty**, hurrying.
* **G****at****y**: Oh, drat, there's a line!

[*She notices* **Donut** *standing in the waiting area.*]

* **G****at****y**: [*imitating Saw*] A team***8***! Hey, Donut!
* **Donut**: Gaty, you're here, I've been waiting for you!
* **G****at****y**: Yeah. [*catches her breath*] Say, I thought you were going to get some entertainment for Silvery.
* **Donut**: Well, I was, but then I realized that I'd be standing in an extremely long queue, and I don't really feel like going through that hassle again. Besides, nobody wants to vacate their place.
* **V****H****S****y**: [*to Donut*] No!
* **G****at****y**: I see.
* **Ice Cube**: [*also waiting in the queue*] Wha?
* **G****at****y**: So what should we do with these slips?
* **Donut**: Just hand them to me!
* **G****at****y**: What's that going to do?
* **Donut**: As you know, I've got the factor of Two within me.

[*Beat.*]

* **Donut**: Oh yeah, they're... not here. But watch!

[*Gaty hands over the slip to Donut, who puts it through his hole. The slip disappears through a trick of animation.*]

* **G****at****y**: Whoa. Where, where did it go?
* **Donut**: It's going to be faxed to Two through my zero-like exterior. And that goes for all the other teams as well.
* **G****at****y**: That's a biological fact I never knew before.
* **Donut**: It doesn't hurt or anything. But I can only do this with five pieces of paper, maximum. After that, my inbox is literally full.
* **G****at****y**: That's not good.
* **Donut**: There's no need to worry, Gaty, because as of right now, the team8s are the first team safe!
* **G****at****y**: Finally!

[*Exit* **Gaty** *to the outdoors. While this is happening, enter* **Winner**, *who has been noticing this ordeal for quite a while.*]

* **Donut**: [*attempting an Australian accent*] G'day, Winner!
* **Winner**: Wrong accent, heh, heh. I just wanted to say that our team has also finished, and Mrs. Foldy Fan endeavoured to sign our paper.
* **Donut**: Why say *endeavoured* like that when your team, The S!, are safe!

[*Donut sends The S!'s slip through his hole.*]

* **Winner**: Choice!

### **With Death P.A.C.T. Again**

**Scene**Black Hole and Marker are on one side of the hotel room. They look at Gertrude, who is purposefully sitting on the other end with her back facing them. She is drinking alcohol from a bottle labelled "WATER".
* **Ma****r****ker**: We really did a wrongsies.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Hold on, I know what to do.

[*He floats his way to Gertrude.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Hello, Mrs. S.
* **Gertrude**: I don't suppose you've come to *insult* me with your purpurine friend, have you?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: No, actually. I just wanted to clarify, that Marker didn't mean to single you out, as a heavy person.
* **Ma****r****ker**: [*in the background*] I didn't!
* **Gertrude**: The he says it to everyone?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Pretty much. Especially the people he has to carry. He calls me *heavy* all the time.
* **Gertrude**: Oh, really. If you don't mind my asking, how, how much do you weigh?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Let's just say that my density is exceedingly high, at about two quadrillion grams per cubic centimetre. If that doesn't say dense, I don't know what does. And, and it does get a little tiring, having to pull the rest of my team's weight, but I do manage.
* **Gertrude**: Well, I'll be!
* **Ma****r****ker**: Wow, Black Hole. You're smooth.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: I am, aren't I?
* **Ma****r****ker**: Now, Mrs. S-something, how would you like to sign this slip?
* **Gertrude**: I should very much like to, my boy.

[*She signs the slip.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: We, we thank you at Death P.A.C.T. Again. If you ever need a death prevented, you'll know who to call. [*to Marker*] Take this down to Donut.
* **Ma****r****ker**: He's a vampire, you know.

[*Marker stands around idly.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Just do it, heh?
* **Ma****r****ker**: Sorry!

### **Hotel lobby**

**Scene**Jump cut to Marker sliding down the rails. In a dialogue-less scene, the slip falls out of his hand, but Donut catches it with his hole.
* **Donut**: Death P.A.C.T. Again, you're safe!

[*Marker gives him a thumbs-up.*]

### **Walter's hotel room**

**Scene**Walter continues to tell Cake about his recent life story, even after the rest of Cake's team has ditched him.
* **C****a****ke**: But Grandpa, you've been going around the subject for quite a while now. Why are you with these people?
* **W****al****ke****r**: That is a very long story.
* **C****a****ke**: Well, I've got time to listen. I don't have to go anywhere right now.
* **W****al****ke****r**: I'm ashamed to say this, but I've been caught in a circle of lies. To your daddy, to you, to everyone. When my Mine Erva—your grandma—died, I was a hot mess. I used to put on a happy face every day, but I never could mean it.
* **C****a****ke**: Really?
* **W****al****ke****r**: I couldn't! I didn't want everyone to know how sad I was that she was now gone. For months, I regretted everything and prayed that it should have been me instead. You know, your generation's got it so easy. People can die, and with the help of a Recovery Center they can just come back to life again.
* **C****a****ke**: Grandpa, that's not true. In a competition like TPOT, I'd death is still a pretty big deal; and I thought you'd have known that. Many days ago, my best friend here, Nickel, he died because our host let a bunch of people-eaters onto our team... and I'm still trying to live with that! But I keep going.
* **W****al****ke****r**: And I'm very proud of you for carrying on like that. I'll let you know that I've done myself the exact same.
* **C****a****ke**: Then how'd you find these people?
* **W****al****ke****r**: The way anyone makes new friends these days. By going to the supermarket and eavesdropping—I saw these folks, and they were talking about the best cake toppings I ever heard. Of course I had to join them.
* **C****a****ke**: Why?
* **W****al****ke****r**: We're cakes, remember? With us the subject of toppings is just bound to come up!
* **C****a****ke**: That is true.
* **W****al****ke****r**: But I digress. I found these people so delightful because they were so devoted. No other person I met after your grandma died had supported me through my journey like they did.
* **C****a****ke**: Grandpa, you live in the biggest city on the continent! There are thousands of people there who're interested in toppings. And not scary cults.
* **W****al****ke****r**: I know, but I just can't seem to find a way out. Every day, I have to watch what I say around that group, especially when it comes to that wacked-up thing they're in.
* **C****a****ke**: Some people've got a hard time with that. They've been caught up in these, these groups for so long that they don't even remember how they lived before, and I would know! But you, Grandpa, you have it good. You can just walk out of here and go home, and no one will know what's happened to you.
* **W****al****ke****r**: If it were only that easy, then everyone would do it.
* **C****a****ke**: You've got this opportunity now, since y'all are in separate rooms from the others. If you want the most of your life, you shouldn't be surrounded by a bunch of people who'll set you down a path you will regret.
* **W****al****ke****r**: That... that makes sense. [*sigh*] I didn't know how wise my little boy could be... but I'm willing to take the plunge.
* **C****a****ke**: Yay! All you need is to get rid of that disguise of yours, and you're free! Quiet... and free.
* **W****al****ke****r**: It's a good thing I always come prepared.

[*He rips off his "Walker" disguise, revealing the true Walter: a giant cake not unlike the recommended character Cake's Dad from BFB.*]

* **W****a****lte****r**: What do you think?

### **Outside, on the field**

**Scene**A continuation of the very beginning of the episode.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: It's simple, should I tell it to you again using emojis?
* **N****a****ily**: Wait, you can do that?
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: No, it was sarcasm.
* **Bo****ok**: Nickel—
* **Snowball**: Sup, wimps, what are you doing?
* **N****a****ily**: I'm just not going to tell you if you're just not the ones who aren't just not going to tell us at Just Not first.
* **Snowball**: Ugh.
* **Bo****ok**: We're making a memorial shrine to all of those who have died horrible deaths. [*smiles*]

[*Basketball and the other team members take notice.*]

* **Baske****t****ball**: Wait, what's that for?
* **N****a****ily**: For us to remember what to tell Two when they begin the ♫ *recovery!* ♫
* **E****g****gy**: Nobody's got enough memory to list a bunch of names of ♫ *dead people!* ♫
* **F****old****y**: I used to, until I started believing in ♫ *gogma!* ♫
* **B****e****ll**: Can you, like, stop singing? I'm not in the mood for a musical right now... [*to Just Not*] We're planting trees as a part of Two's community service.
* **Bo****ok**: Well, it's nice to see someone take care of the planet. *Right*, Naily?
* **N****a****ily**: Stabbing the ground seemed like a good idea at the time!
* **Bo****ok**: Anyway, I think you're really going to need this.

[*She hands Snowball a crude copy of the already crude signature slips.*]

* **Snowball**: What's this?
* **Bo****ok**: It's a slip. You hand it over to Donut and he calls you sa—

[*Before Book can finish her sentence, Snowball begins to dash over to the front door.*]

* **Bo****ok**: No, wait, he's only going to sign it if—
* **N****a****ily**: It's a lost cause with that one. So sorry for your team.
* **Gra****ssy**: He's such a fast runner!
* **E****g****gy**: Wow, Naily, I'm surprised you're being so nice to us.
* **Baske****t****ball**: Yeah, isn't the rivalry between my team and yours the biggest in the show?
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: No, that would be the team8s against themselves.
* **N****a****ily**: To be honest, I was thinking our teams could come together in a truce. I mean, most of us are outside right now.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: [*Aside, to Naily*] What? I never agreed to— [*Aloud.*] Okay, we're in a truce. But only until all the dead people come back to life.
* **Bo****ok**: I second that, after Taggy. Now, does that sound like a deal, The Strongest Team on Earth?
* **The Strongest Team on Earth**: Deal.
* **Gra****ssy**: [*at the same time*] Yeah!

[*Enter* **Snowball**.]

* **Baske****t****ball**: How was your failure?
* **Snowball**: [*almost out of breath*] He... wants... the... *tree* to sign.

[*Snowball falls on his back. Grassy gives him a light and friendly kick.*]

* **Gra****ssy**: Kick.

### **Outside Walter's hotel room**

**Scene**Cake and Walter are standing outside the room. The latter is in his new form, although he still needs a walker to get around.
* **W****a****lte****r**: I don't think I can manage, leaving here without my friends.
* **C****a****ke**: Grandpa! *Believe* in the Walter in you.
* **W****a****lte****r**: My goodness, have you no respect not to call your grandparents by their names?
* **C****a****ke**: Sorry, heh. Well, what are we waiting for? It's independence day!
* **W****a****lte****r**: Yeah! [*hesitating*] Oh. No, I can't! I just can't!
* **Ho****p Be****ll**: Hey, do you folks need to get somewhere? I have a golf cart that can go down stairs for no apparent reason.
* **C****a****ke**: Is that a challenge?
* **W****a****lte****r**: [*breathes in*] Let's do this.

### **Hotel lobby**

**Scene**Donut does some people-watching, clearly bored. He suddenly hears the sound of voices travelling—more specifically, rolling—down the stairs.
* **[** **C****a****ke** · **W****a****lte****r** **]**: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!

[*Miraculously, they land on the ground.*]

* **W****a****lte****r**: Thank you, kind hotel worker!
* **C****a****ke**: Yeah, thanks!

[*Exit* **Hop Bell**.]

* **W****a****lte****r**: I'm a-go wait in here for my taxi.
* **C****a****ke**: Okay, Grandpa!

[*Cake runs into Donut.*]

* **Donut**: So, Cake.
* **C****a****ke**: Yes?
* **Donut**: Do you...
* **C****a****ke**: Yes?
* **Donut**: Have your slip with you?
* **C****a****ke**: Yes, I mean, *no*, I mean, ***OH SHOOT!*** I've left it upstairs!
* **Donut**: Well, you can go and get it, right?
* **C****a****ke**: It's on the top floor!
* **Donut**: Cake, let me advise you to run up there, get it and bring it down to me as fast as you can. There are two spots left, and I think... [*looks around so as not to show partiality*] ... you'll be able to make it.
* **C****a****ke**: Yeah!

[*Exit* **Cake**, *who runs upstairs. As this is happening, enter* **Snowball**.]

* **Snowball**: I'm *back!*
* **Donut**: I see that.
* **Snowball**: And I have *signature!* Boo-yah!
* **Donut**: You, you actually got the tree to sign? [*Aside.*] But that was a joke!
* **Snowball**: I did, and it's all thanks to me!
* **Donut**: How'd you do that?
* **Snowball**: The way I always get things done! By threat!
* **Donut**: O... kay. Well...

[*Donut looks outside and sees a realistic-looking green tree that didn't exist before.*]

* **Donut**: It looks like a nice addition to the landscape. Two's definitely going to like that.

[*Donut sends the slip through his hole.*]

* **Snowball**: What the flake?
* **Donut**: You didn't know about this non-secret function of mine? Well, I was going to explain it to you... but it's... you.
* **Snowball**: [*getting angrier*] Yeah, and?
* **Donut**: [*struggling to make up words lest he get beat up in front of the crowd*] And... The Strongest Team on Earth is safe! [*to no one in particular*] One spot left! Who will it be?

### **Upstairs**

**Scene**Cake quickly opens the door of Walter's hotel room with the key he was given. He opens the door and sees the permission slip on the table.
* **C****a****ke**: [*all of this dialogue is to himself*] Yes! And it's folded into a nice little foldy thing.

[*He swipes the slip, runs out of the room and ends up in the hallway.*]

* **C****a****ke**: Oof, got to catch my breath! But it's only smooth sailing from here.

[*He walks down the hallway rather briskly, but stops when he sees the unlikely opponent that is facing him from the other end:* **TV**.]

* **C****a****ke**: TV? What, what are *you* doing here?

[*He sees that TV isn't quite the cheerful character he was prior. His speech synthesis is somehow angrier in tone and even his visuals have been tinted with an unpleasant red.*]

* **T****V**: I'm here to take you down.
* **C****a****ke**: Demonic television. That's not good.

[*Cake runs down the hallway, passing a number of confused bystanders.*]

* **C****a****ke**: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

[*This conversation happens while TV is racing against Cake.*]

* **T****V**: You can run, but you can't hide!
* **C****a****ke**: I don't want to hide, I want to turn this in!
* **T****V**: What do you think I'm doing this for?
* **C****a****ke**: I don't know, because you're *mad!?* TV, you used to be nice!
* **T****V**: Nice? I don't know what that word means!

[*TV starts to shoot lasers at Cake.*]

* **C****a****ke**: What the heck? [*Aside.*] Wait a minute. I know what to do! [*in his best "bystander" voice*] Hey, everyone! There's a former BFB contestant wandering these halls!

[*The doors suddenly open and children fill the hallway, ready to mob TV.*]

* **T****V**: A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a! [*clips of various characters saying the word* a]
* **C****a****ke**: [*Aside.*] Far out, Cake.

[*He enters the elevator.*]

### **Hotel lobby**

**Scene**Enter **Cake**, as he gets off the elevator. Donut looks excited, as he senses that there might be tension in the making.
* **C****a****ke**: I'm here, and I've got the slip!
* **Donut**: Perfect!

[*He unfolds the slip.*]

* **Donut**: Er, Cake, this doesn't have a signature.
* **C****a****ke**: Oh no! Donut, have you got a pen?
* **Donut**: Pen? Haven't seen him all day; I think he might be dead.
* **C****a****ke**: What about a pencil?
* **Donut**: She's not even in this show!

[*Walter gets up.*]

* **W****a****lte****r**: Ah, it's no use. I know y'all want me to sign something, but I can't. My arms aren't working as well as they used to.
* **Donut**: Well, that's unfortunate. Just Not, I'm afraid I'm going to have to—
* **C****a****ke**: Wait, I know!

[*With his head, Cake picks up* **Camera**, *who has been standing in the queue.*]

* **C****am****er****a**: What you doing, dude?
* **C****a****ke**: It's for a challenge! [*to Donut*] Two wants proof that someone has been taking care of the elderly, right?
* **Donut**: Yeah.
* **C****a****ke**: Why don't you... take a picture of me and Grandpa, I mean *Walter*, I mean *Walker?*
* **Donut**: Hmm... I'll allow it.
* **W****a****lte****r**: Wait, before you take the photo, I'd like to say a few words.
* **C****a****ke**: Yes?
* **W****a****lte****r**: Cake, I just wanted to say thank you for what you said to me about friends and all that. And I want you to know that all the folks back home are rooting for you to win TPOT for us. Your grandma, bless her soul, and I are wishing you the best of luck with all our heart. And who knows? I might just get back over here in another disguise just so I can see you and your friends.
* **C****a****ke**: That— thank you, I'd really like that.
* **Donut**: Shall I take the picture now?
* **C****a****ke**: Go for it.

[*Cake and Walter hug. It's more like Walter is hugging Cake since Cake doesn't have arms. Donut takes the picture with Camera, and a physical copy of the photo comes out of him immediately.*]

* **C****am****er****a**: That's so touching! Now can I go back in line?
* **Donut**: You're not part of TPOT, so do whatever you want.
* **C****am****er****a**: Oh, good!
* **B****l****en****de****r**: [*pushing him back*] *Snijd niet in de rij!* [*Subtitles: "No cutsies!"*]
* **C****am****er****a**: Aw, click.
* **W****a****lte****r**: Well, I'm off. My ride is here.
* **C****a****ke**: It was great seeing you!
* **W****a****lte****r**: Goodbye! And don't forget to say hello to your team for me!
* **C****a****ke**: I will, bye!

[*Exit* **Walter**. *At the same time, enter* **TV**, *who throws his slip through Donut's hole.*]

* **T****V**: Goal!
* **Voice from inside Donut's hole**: Error. Will not process.
* **Donut**: Well, my hole is full, and with that Are You Okay are up for elimination.

## Post-contest

### **Hotel lobby**

**Scene**As TV speaks after losing the contest for his team, the red drains away from his face.
* **T****V**: That's... not... good.

[*TV falls from the stairs, making a crack sound.*]

* **Donut**: And... TV is dead?

[*Enter* **Golf Ball** *and the rest of the team:* **Fries**, **Puffball** *and* **Tennis Ball**.]

* **Golf Ball**: What? How could this be?
* **F****r****i****e****s**: Did a murder just happen in front of everyone?
* **Golf Ball**: I— I programmed TV to send in our slip as quickly as possible!
* **C****a****ke**: Did you also program him to shoot lasers of *death?*
* **Golf Ball**: How dare you accuse me of doing such a thing! TV can't even shoot lasers, never mind want to hurt anyone!
* **C****a****ke**: Then why was he chasing me in the halls like a beast of prey?
* **Golf Ball**: [*her eyes go white from Fridge Horror*] Uh... Tennis Ball, say something supportive!
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: It was nothing.
* **Golf Ball**: [*nods*] It was nothing.

### **Voting screen**

**Scene**Donut stands before a voting screen with the faces of the members of Are You Okay behind him. Golf Ball, Tennis Ball, Fries and Puffball have "alive" under their names/letters, TV and Eraser have "dead" and Pen's got "possibly dead".
* **Donut**: Vote in the comments using the letter in square brackets for who you don't want to be eliminated! Vote for who you want to stay! The person with the fewest votes will leave the show!

[*Roll credits.*]

## Post-credits scenes

### **Hotel lobby**

**Scene**Night (11:49 p.m.). The queue now looks a little shorter than before, although it's still pretty long. Balloony and friends are being served at the front; directly behind them are Bubble and Ruby, who have moved to the front.
* **Hote****l** **Bell**: [*exhausted*] Look, for the last time... we can only take either... [*gesturing towards Balloony and Cloudy*] the two of you, or none of you at all!
* **Balloony**: I amn't gaun' anywhere unless our *son* is let in!

[*Cloudy's eyes grow big.*]

* **R****u****b****y**: Hello, peoples, is there a problem here?
* **Balloony**: I've been trying to book a hotel room for the past six hours, but this hotel bell isnae letting Rocky in!
* **R****u****b****y**: Let me handle this, balloon buddy!

[*Ruby whispers something to Hotel Bell.*]

* **Hote****l** **Bell**: [*to Ruby*] I am so fired. [*to Balloony*] I am *so sorry* I didn't recognize you earlier. Here's your room key.
* **Balloony**: Oh boy! Ta, Ruby.

[**Balloony**, **Cloudy** *and* **Rocky** *go upstairs.* **Ruby** *and* **Bubble** *follow them.*]

* **Balloony**: Now I finally get to see what it looks like upbye!
* **Cloudy**: Ruby, Bubble, what are you doing here?
* **R****u****b****y**: You three are sharing a hotel with the two of us!

[*Ruby and Bubble smile demurely as Foldy and Bell did in episode 1.*]

* **Cloudy**: That's good to know... but why are you in this hotel?
* **B****u****b****b****l****e**: Oh, Lollipop is on one of her business trips and doesn't want us to party in our boarding house.
* **R****u****b****y**: So guess where we are!
* **Balloony**: Makes as much sense as ever. But how'd you get the front desk bell to finally give us a room?
* **R****u****b****y**: She knew who Bubble and I were from BFB, and of course she has to bow down to the famous!
* **Balloony**: But I was in BFB too, how come she didnae recognize me?
* **B****u****b****b****l****e**: I don't think I know, Balloinoi.

[*They reach the hotel room.*]

* **R****u****b****y**: Okay, we're here! Now, everyone, get in.

[*They all cheer.*]

### **By the vending machine**

**Scene**Donut cleans up the debris left behind after the eliminated contestants and failed debuters were sent to the hotel.
* **Donut**: Darn kids.

[*Enter* **Bell**, *who didn't have many lines in this episode.*]

* **B****e****ll**: Uh, Donut?
* **Donut**: Yeah?
* **B****e****ll**: What did you do with all those slips you sent through your hole?
* **Donut**: They're being faxed to Two right this moment!

### **The same hotel room from the beginning of the episode**

**Scene**The lights are off, but the moonlight is still filtered through the windows of the hotel room so that we can see what's going on: Barf Bag and Clock are still chained to the walls (with Clock hanging upside down).
* **Barf** **Bag**: Hmm... it's getting late.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: *Late* is a relative term. Normally, I'd be awake and on the hunt for any rule-breakers at this time.
* **Barf** **Bag**: Of course you would.

[*Enter* **Two**, *holding a cricket bat.*]

* **Barf** **Bag**: Two, you're back!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: It's been six hours, thirty-three minutes and fourteen seconds since you tied us up in this prison!
* **Two**: That's correct, timekeeper!
* **Barf** **Bag**: Um, what are you doing with that baseball bat?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: It's a cricket bat, Barf Bag.
* **Barf** **Bag**: Sorry, it's too dark for me to see anything right now.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Then it must be a lot scarier for you, right?
* **Barf** **Bag**: Well, yeah, but that's just another day for Barf Bag! /s
* **C****l****o****c****k**: At least you're not upside down and showing the wrong time.
* **Barf** **Bag**: You know, in some parts of the world, you're right side up.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Really, like where?
* **Barf** **Bag**: Probably where the laws of physics don't apply.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Well, that sucks.
* **Barf** **Bag**: Yeah, well—
* **Two**: ***EEEEEE-NOOOOOOOOOOUUGH!***
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Two, tone down the volume. People are sleeping; it's almost midnight!
* **Two**: [*pointing to Clock's hands*] You think I don't know that? Anyway, I've only ten minutes left in this universe, and I plan to spend them doing what I should have done a while ago.
* **Barf** **Bag**: Don't tell me you're going to use that cricket bat to hurt us!
* **Two**: What? No! [*sits down*] I was going to bore you with stories of my youth. This bat was one of my only friends at the Equation Playground. While all the other algebraliens were playing with one another, I was left alone, ironically because of my even prime status. You would think that would have given me something to distinguish myself from the others, eh?
* **Barf** **Bag**: Nooooooooooooo!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Two, I *demand* you to cease—

[*All of a sudden, the whites of Two's eyes are flooded with text (and a picture of Cake and his grandfather): They are the signature slips from the other contestants that Donut had just faxed over through his hole. Two sits in silence for a few seconds. They then gasp.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: D'um... Two?
* **Two**: [*not listening*] They remembered me! They remembered *TwoOOOOOO**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!***

[*The intro plays, ironically ending the episode.*]

**THE END**
## Deleted scenes

* The episode would have originally started with a funeral for the dead contestants. It was rejected because it was too dark. Also, Inanimate Insanity Invitational 2 began with a funeral and it was much more funnily done.
* Instead of saying "Heavens to bakery", Walker was going to say "Aw, shit!"
* One scene was going to have Pen flirt with the old person whom his team was assigned to help. This was scrapped, as it turned out that he wasn't even participating in the contest anyway. Also, it would have been very out of character.
* This episode's big lesson was originally going to be about the mistreatment of elderly people in nursing homes. It was changed to the topic of exiting cults after the author realized that, apart from that one *Golden Girls* episode he watched ("Sophia's Choice"), he didn't have that much knowledge about elder abuse to make a plea against it so.
* The scene where Balloony exclaims that Rocky is his and Cloudy's son was meant to be expanded on in this episode.
* There was going to be an EXIT scene at the end of this episode. It would have only made the episode longer.

## Notes

1. ↑ This makes Silvery the first character on the show who does not use any pronouns when being referred to.

**Fake TPOT** [V]