The Limefong and Baghead Show/Transcript

(Episode begins at the Candle House, where the Main 4 except for Limefong, Baghead, and Kellie are in the living room. They are picking a movie to watch.)

Candle Man: Let’s watch the Candy Cat Movie!

Baghead: Again? Why not Galactic Battleground instead? Galactic Battleground: The Forgotten Lightsaber is out!

Kellie: Oh yeah, I heard that one was good.

Shaduck: Let’s watch the DuckLegends movie instead! Well, technically it’s the finale but I can explain the lore. (Inhales, starts talking as Mystic talks over him.)

Mystic: Ugh, whatever, can’t we just decide what we should watch?

Candle Man: Yeah, let’s just decide to watch the Candy Cat movie!

Shaduck and Baghead: NO!

Candle Man: Why not? (Shows a poster of the movie, containing the five Peppa characters that are in the Candle Man franchise.) Isn’t this cool?

Shaduck: Can you not see that release date?! It’s not even today!

Candle Man: So?

Shaduck: THE MOVIE CAME OUT TEN YEARS AGO!

Candle Man: Outdated poster. Reboots, am I right?

Baghead: We’re watching The Forgotten Lightsaber and that’s final!

Shaduck: NO! DuckLegends has been my favorite TV show since my childhood, and I’m not gonna miss out on the spin-off movie!

Mystic: I THOUGHT YOU SAID IT WAS THE FINALE!

Shaduck: Yeah, well-

Baghead: But I have a better reason! A few years ago I made my fan-fictional character, Prod Dorcin.

Candle Man: (No longer holding the poster.) So?

Baghead: He was confirmed to be in the new Galactic Battleground movie! I have to watch it!

Kellie: We could just go watch the movie Bag suggested!

Baghead: YES!

Candle Man and Shaduck: NO!

(Candle Man, Shaduck, Baghead, and Kellie argue and yell at each other as Mystic just stares before facepalming.)

Mystic: (Looking at her film.) Well at least I’m the only one fighting over my film....(her appearance fading to that of an old detective film before going back to normal) what a looker Mysteria is...

Shaduck: I’M NOT GONNA MISS OUT ON MY CHILDHOOD’S MOVIE!

Baghead: MY FANON CHARACTER IS CANON NOW!

Candle Man: CAN’T I DECIDE FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE?!

Kellie: BAG IS EXCITED TO SEE HIS FANFICTION BECOME CANON!

(Baghead, not wanting to argue, looks away. He sees Limefong carelessly throw himself on the couch. Baghead sits down next to him.)

Baghead: Are you alright?

Limefong: No, not really.

Baghead: But why?

Limefong: Because I feel ignored by you all.

Baghead: Well, you aren’t exactly joining in with this conversation...

Limefong: No, I mean ignored in general.

Baghead: Well, maybe you can do something to help you be noticed.

Limefong: But how?

Baghead: What’s something that gets everyone’s attention?

Limefong: Well, they’re all arguing about movies. Why don’t we just make a movie?

Baghead: Hey, that’s a good idea! But the more I think about it I think a TV show could be better. I mean, The Cloning War was better than some of the movies it’s based on! (Winks at the screen.)

Limefong: Uh, ok then. So should I make one?

Baghead: No one in the entire world is stopping you.

Limefong: I guess. I just don’t really have the motivation to do it.

(Candle Man, Shaduck, and Kellie overhear this and stop arguing.)

Kellie: Hey! I have an idea!

Candle Man: (Sarcastically.) Yeah, yeah, I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with Baghead’s little fanfic-

Kellie: Actually, it doesn’t. Well, what if Limefong and Bag create a show together? Who wouldn’t like that?

Baghead: Whoa, whoa, whoa! I didn’t agree to be on the show.

Limefong: Please help me with this!

Baghead: Well, if you insist. Let’s do it!

(Cue theme song.)

Baghead: So, what kind of show should it be? Magic? Sitcom? Talk show?

Limefong: There are way too many action-like shows out there, so why not a chill talk show?

Baghead: Okay! Can I be the first guest?

Shaduck: (Lowers his eyelids.) Hosts can not be guests.

Baghead: What I meant was, could the pilot be just us talking instead of guests?

Kellie: Good point. I mean, how can a show have guests before it even starts?

Candle Man: Uh, we exist, you know…?

Limefong: Oh, jeah.

Baghead: What do you guys think? Do you wanna be guests for the show?

Shaduck: Sure.

Candle Man: Of course!

Mystic: I guess…

Baghead: Then let’s get started!

Limefong: Jeah! Hold up… what should we talk about in the first episode of The Limebag Show?

Shaduck: Hmm... Maybe the DuckLegends movie?

Limefong: Nah.

Shaduck: Okay, okay. How’bout... the Candy Cat movie?

(Limefong and Baghead just stare at him with lowered eyelids.)

Shaduck: Well, then… Galactic Nerdground?

Baghead: Galactic BATTLEground. But yeah, it’d be really fun to talk about!

Limefong: Jeah, even if I don’t know much about that franchise.

Baghead: It is even more fun knowing my fanon character will end up in that movie!

Shaduck: Well, if your fan-fictional character was so popular he ended up being a canon character, I bet it’s gonna be great to discuss!

Baghead: And, with that discussed, I’m wondering about something… just… what will our talk show set be?

Shaduck: I know! The bathroom!

Limefong and Baghead: Ew!

Shaduck: The attic!

Baghead: Nope.

Shaduck: The… uh, basement?

Limefong: No!

Baghead: Besides, I meant, as in, have you guys ever seen the Allen Degend talk show? I thought of a set like that.

Shaduck: Dunno, I don’t watch that show. I’m not a nerd, you know.

Baghead: (Sighs.) Never mind. I meant a custom-made studio we could shoot a talk show in.

Shaduck: Sure, but how are we going to make that?

Mystic: Let’s just go to Wikia Studios instead, we can film the thing there.

(Mystic points at Wikia Studios which is a block away)

Baghead: Maybe, but we’d need to make a deal with the studio.

Mystic: Let’s go, then!

(They enter Wikia Studios.)

Candle Man: We can do it the easy way or the hard way… but to be honest I’d choose the easy way since it’s… well, must I seriously explain?

Baghead: By “deal”, that is not what I meant.

Shaduck: Well, we don’t do business. That’s more of Limefong’s expertise.

Limefong: I do pay the bills for everyone.

Baghead: Very well, then. Limefong, go strike us up a deal!

Limefong: If it’s our show, shouldn't you help me out?

Baghead: Yes, but why don’t you strike the deal?

Limefong: Ugh...

(Limefong enters the interior of Wikia Studio, and finds a man with a coat and glasses, which is the secretary.)

The secretary: How can I help you, sir?

Limefong: Me and my friend are looking forward to creating a talk show in this studio. But we need to make a deal with the owner.

The secretary: Oh, he’s in the last room.

(Limefong climbs through the stairs until the last room. He sees the left door open, so he enters it. He finds someone who is addicted to the television, who is tall and thin, wears a white shirt and black pants.)

Owner: Ah, a visitor.

Limefong: Say, are you the owner? If yes, I need to make a deal.

Owner: Of course I am. My name is Jeff. What do you need exactly?

Limefong: I want to make a talk show-

Jeff: Uh huh.

Limefong: With a friend of mine-

Jeff: (Interrupting.) Continue.

Limefong: And he suggested that we should publish it in this studio-

Jeff: Well then, you have come to the… RIGHT place, my friend. We’ll have you make this show.

Limefong: Okay, so when do you think we should start this project?

Jeff: Prepare yourself tomorrow.

(Limefong exits the studio and flees with excitement.)

Limefong: Hey gu- (Notices everyone’s gone.) Oh wait, they’re probably home.

(Time card says: 10 minutes later. Limefong is seen entering the Candle Friends’ house.)

Shaduck: Man, what took you so long?

Mystic: It didn’t even pass an hour, idiot!

(Shaduck gets irritated.)

Candle Man: CAN YOU BOTH CALM DOWN FOR ONCE? Anyway, Lime, what did they say?

Limefong: We will wait until tomorrow until we can start production!

Baghead: Only tomorrow?

Limefong: Jeah, doesn’t matter for me.

Baghead: But what if we need to think more on how to start our first episode?

Limefong: Nah don’t worry, we will sort this out. It would just be an interview anyway.

Baghead: Alright then.

(Time card says: The next day.)

Baghead: WE STILL DON’T HAVE AN IDEA!

Limefong: At least we have the others working on the set.

(Cuts to Candle Man, Shaduck, Mystic, and Kellie in the studio. Shaduck is sweeping, Mystic is scrubbing the seats, and Candle Man is lugging all the new furniture into the room.)

Candle Man: WOULD BE NICE IF SOMEONE HELPS! I CAN’T DO THIS ALL BY MYSELF, YOU KNOW!

Shaduck: Maybe if you give me a DuckLegends spinoff poster!

Candle Man: WHEN HAVE I EVER PROMISED THAT?!

(The scene cuts back to Baghead and Limefong.)

Limefong: So, any ideas?

Baghead: How about an introduction?

Limefong: Well, we’re already doing that.

Baghead: I meant something that can fill a whole episode. We have seven, maybe eight minutes.

Limefong: We could interview the others!

Baghead: Eh…

Limefong: Is that reluctance I hear?

Baghead: Yyyyyeah. You know how they are.

(Cuts to a possible future. Candle Man is on a seat.)

Candle Man: And that’s when I decided that Shaduck and I are wrong to fight over food! So obviously, I won.

(Cuts to another, which has Mystic on the seat.)

Mystic: …The Mystic Stars swooped in and saved everybody from the evil UCP! They’re so much cooler than everyone else. Well, except me, Judy, Ribbon, Mystix, everyone else from the Galaxia Omega Galaxy…oh yeah, have I told you how I was tortured by my parents? Also I’ve died a few hundred times. It’s no biggie. Expect another death in a few episodes.

(Cuts to yet another, which has Shaduck on the seat.)

Shaduck: Hey, I’m Shaduck. You got something on your shirt! (He slaps Limefong’s nose.) Psych! (He shuffles around in the seat and uses his lasers to shoot the cushions.) You guys need more comfy seats. (Burps.)

(Back to reality.)

Limefong: Oh. So should we do someone else, like, TwoBrains, Pesron, Kellie, and Moose?

Baghead: Hmm. Nah.

Limefong: What if you pull a few strings to get some Jedi buddies to be here?

Baghead: I think they’re busy-

(Cuts to a giant war on Corukan Prime.)

Blask Dindoo: (Offscreen.) SLAY THE WOUNDED!

(Cuts back.)

Limefong: Hmm… I suppose we have no choice but to bring them on.

Baghead: Well if we do we’re going to have to make some precautions.

(Cuts to Candle Man, Mystic, and Shaduck on the talk show guest seats, tied up and with tape on their mouths.)

Limefong: Haha, perfect.

Baghead: Hey, we’re live!

(Cuts to another camera, which zooms in on the talk show area.)

Overhead voice: Welcome, to the LIMEFONG AND BAGHEAD SHOW!

Limefong: Welcome to the show. Today we’ll be profiling the Candle Friends, and my fellow host, Baghead.

Baghead: Hello there to you all.

Limefong: Now, we will start with the leader of the Candle Friends.

(Baghead tears the tape off Candle Man’s mouth.)

Candle Man: OW!

Baghead: Now, tell me, Candle Man, how was Wikia saved from the Spammers?

Candle Man: Well, obviously, I-

(Baghead slaps the tape back on.)

Candle Man: MMPH!

Baghead: Maybe we should start with someone else.

(Baghead kicks the chair, rolling Candle Man offscreen. Fades throughout the episode.)

Limefong: So was it really your character that became the main character of a movie?

Baghead: Yes. And to be honest, I didn’t even know until about two months ago!

(They laugh. Fade.)

Limefong: …And where are The Mystic Stars now?

Mystic: Well, they… they were… PUSHED TO THE SIDE! (Cries.)

(Fade.)

Baghead: …And what song was it?

Shaduck: “Surfin’ Shaduck”.

Baghead: Would you like to sing us a snippet?

Shaduck: Sure.

Limefong: (Shouts offscreen.) HEY, TODD! GET THE SURFBOARD PROP OUT OF THE CLOSET!

(Fades to the end of the episode.)

Baghead: From all of us at the studio, we say…

Everyone: GOODBYE THERE!

(Laughter, then fades to after the episode shooting, everyone cleaning up. Limefong runs in with a contract.)

Limefong: GUYS! THEY PICKED US UP FOR A FULL SEASON!

Baghead: YES!

Limefong: The manager wants to speak with us now, though.

Baghead: Alright. (To Candle Man, Mystic, and Shaduck.) You guys can go clean up Shaduck’s puke from when he got sick on the surfboard.

Everyone: Ew.

Mystic: (Walking offscreen.) I’m getting the mop.

(The scene cuts to Baghead and Limefong outside the owners’ office. Baghead knocks.)

Jeff: Come in.

(Baghead and Limefong enter the office. Jeff is now wearing a white suit and khakis, and is setting organized papers to the side on his desk.)

Baghead: You wanted to see us, sir?

Jeff: Yes, yes. Sit down.

(Limefong and Baghead sit down on the opposite side of the desk.)

Jeff: Great pilot you two. Our writers already have everything set up for the second episode.

Limefong and Baghead: Cool!

Jeff: Great you like it. Here’s the script.

(He hands them both a copy. Baghead looks at the script in confusion.)

Baghead: A script? The talk show is improvisational! Like some of those other shows!

Jeff: Well, it has to be staged.

Limefong: What?! Why?

Jeff: Look at everything else on TV. EVERYTHING has a script! Reality shows, magic shows...

Baghead: Even the improv show in studio seven?

Jeff: Even that.

Baghead: NOOOOOOOO!

Limefong: It’s like we have no control over our own show!

Jeff: It might be your show, but you’re making it in my studio, so it has to be staged.

Baghead: We won’t let you do it!

Jeff: Well, then I’ll just shut down the show for all eternity!

Limefong and Baghead: But… but…

Jeff: You’ve heard my criteria. Good day, gentlemen.

Limefong: You can’t just shut it down for not being staged! That doesn’t even make any sense!

Jeff: I said, GOOD DAY, GENTLEMEN!

Baghead: But it’s not right!

Jeff: GOOD DAY, GENTLEMEN!

Limefong: No! We’re not letting you shut it do-

(Cuts to Limefong and Baghead being thrown out of the office as Jeff locks the door.)

Baghead: Darn it!

Limefong: What a rude owner!

Baghead: Lime, we can’t let our show be cancelled just for not being staged!

Limefong: I know, we need a plan to get our show back!!

Baghead: Well we’re both excellent planmakers. Let’s think one up!

(They stand there with a finger on their chins.)

Limefong and Baghead: OH! What if we get the other shows to rebel against him and force him to give us creative control?! I know right?! It’s such a good idea!

Limefong: Why are we talking in sync?

Baghead: I dunno. But…

Limefong and Baghead: LET THE REBELLION BEGIN!

Candle Man: What rebellion?

Limefong and Baghead: AHH!

Limefong: Since when were you eavesdropping?

Candle Man: We could hear you guys from the studio! Also, we got the puke cleaned up.

Mystic: What do you two fascists want now?

Baghead: Hold on. Fascist places only have one person in charge. We would be aristocrats.

Shaduck: IT DOESN’T MATTER! WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT FROM US?!

Baghead: Please, let us tell you.

(Cuts to inside Studio VII. Four men sit in chairs with an empty space in front of them and crowds on the outer walls.)

Voice: Good evening everybody, and welcome to Is It Your Line Or Mine?! And here I am, your host, Tyler Asha!

(He sits down.)

Tyler: Welcome to the show! We-

(Candle Man busts through the studio doors, and every eye turns toward him.)

Candle Man: STOP THE SHOW!

Contestant: Is this something we have to do here? It wasn’t in th-

Candle Man: The script? Yeah! I’m here to ask if you want to fight back against the corrupt man who forces you to have one!

Tyler: But he’ll cancel our show!

Candle Man: We can stop him if we all fight back!

(Cuts to Studio IV. Mystic walks in and sees an ice-skating show featuring…)

Mystic: CUBIE?!

Cubie: MYSTIC!

Mystic: I have a deal for you: let’s set aside our rivalry and fight a common enemy.

(Cuts to Shaduck opening the door to a bathroom. He sees a man peeing in a urinal.)

Shaduck: Excuse me!

(The man takes out a gun and cocks it. Shaduck sees where this would go and closes the door carefully. Cuts to Baghead and Limefong, who run to meet each other.)

Baghead: So, the rebellion. How’s it going so far?

Limefong: Uhhh…

(They hear a lot of noise from down the hall. They look down it and see hundreds of people rioting, Candle Man, Mystic, and Shaduck heading the operation.)

Baghead: No no no, what are they doing?! The people aren’t supposed to be angry!

(The duo run up to the riot leaders.)

Limefong: Why did you do this?!

Shaduck: We did what you said: get the other people to rebel.

Baghead: NOT WITH A RIOT!

Limefong: Calm them down before it’s too-

(The rioters tear down a whole wall.)

Limefong: -late. (Sighs.) Look, leave the rioters here until they calm down. We’re gonna go find the owner.

(Cuts to the main 4 and Baghead busting down the owner’s door.)

Jeff: WHAT IS THIS?!

Baghead: This is an uprising! We demand you let us have our talk show be improvised!

Jeff: Oh, yeah? You and what army?

(The rioters bust down the right wall, scaring everyone in the room.)

Baghead: That one- wait. GUYS, I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE THEM THERE!

Shaduck: Whoops.

Tyler: LET US HAVE CREATIVE CONTROL!

Jeff: NEVER! I CAN STRIKE AGAINST ALL OF YOU! YOUR REBELLION IS PITIFUL!

Candle Man: “Strike against”? Wait a second!

(Candle Man surrounds Jeff with fire, then tears a mask off his face, revealing the owner to be…)

The Main 4 and Baghead: WHICKEY?!

Whickey: MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Yes, it is me.

Baghead: Now we’re definitely not letting you get away with this!

(He ignites his lightsaber.)

Whickey: My identity changes nothing! I am the owner, and I can bring down your whole rebellion!

Cubie: In order to bring someone down, you need to make sure nothing else is brought down in the process.

Whickey: …And?

Cubie: You didn’t.

(The roof of the office is brought down onto Whickey.)

Candle Man: Well, that was shorter than I expected.

Tyler: NOW LET’S GET THE WRITERS!

(The riot cheers.)

Baghead: Wait, they brought down two walls and part of a roof in the past fourty seconds!

Limefong: So?

Baghead: We should GET OUT OF HERE!

(He cuts a hole through the left wall and they all get out of the building. Within the next few seconds, the whole building, studios and all, is brought down. The rioters groan underneath the ruins.)

Baghead: Well, I guess we won’t be getting that show after all.

(Fades to the five helping people out of the ruins.)

Shaduck: At least it was a good pilot.

Candle Man: And you could say you made it on primetime television!

Mystic: Though, the bad guy got away.

Limefong: Not yet. See?

(Whickey is shown getting out of the ruins and running away.)

Shaduck: HEY!

Mystic: GET ‘EM!

(Candle Man, Mystic, and Shaduck run after Whickey. Baghead and Limefong watch people get out of the ruins.)

Baghead: Well, you weren’t ignored this time.

Limefong: I think I’m fine with being forgotten for now.

(Pause.)

Baghead: So yeah, let’s just go back to being superheroes with a lot of fame.

Limefong: Jeah.

(Baghead spots something and grabs it.)

Baghead: Hey, Kellie’s handbag!

Limefong: Where’d she go, anyway?

(Cuts to Kellie leaving a bathroom, a flush heard behind her.)

Kellie: Done! Wha…?

(She sees that every other room in the television studio complex is wrecked.)

Kellie: …III’m gonna go back in the bathroom.

(She goes back in and shuts the door. Episode ends.)