Tyler Montagu, 12th Duke of Manchester

**Tyler Von Auztenscronnburg Vustenbunztar Montagu, 12th Duke of Manchester, 'Herzog von Manchester', 'Konig von Deutschland'** (20th December 1920-14th March 2016), styled The Duke of Manchester since 1938, was a Green Party peer, in the House of Lords.

## The Duke of Manchester

The Duke of Manchester, in 'ducal mode', watching a pauper drink milk at a bus stop in Croydon.

## Early Life

The Duke of Manchester rarely spoke of his personal affairs, though it is known his father, Alexander Drogo Montagu, was an alcoholic and criminal. The Duke later went on to study at Kings College London, and read a degree in politics, despite being unable to read or write at the time.

## Career

The Duke became the first Green Party peer under the tenure of David Ryans.

He was noted for assisting the Green Party campaign of Julia Dzien, which won the following election. Shortly after, the Duke died as the result of a stroke. He passed aged 95, at his lavish country estate - Island Hall House.

### His first book: "Only Working Class People Drink Milk & Other Indicators You Are Positively Poor"

The book released in early 2015, and received mixed reviews at the time. The introduction of the book states:

*"I was inspired to write this book after my visits in Keeenya, where I spent a lot of time discussing politics with Henry Stewart. He explained to me this idea of the working-class fascination with milk, and how their doctors tell them 'it is good for their bones'. I felt the urge to immediately start writing this down!"*

Many quotes from the book have been made part of popular culture, including such passages as *"I learnt all my etiquette from watching Titanic", and, "CHOKES, LMAO".*

### A breif stint on Channel 4

A Channel 4 documentary depicting the Duke's life was produced in late 2014. In the documentary he is described as "The result of 12 generations of inbreeding". It was only ever aired once, and resulted in backlash from OFCOM. A part of the programme included a scene where the Duke's 7 year old son was handling a shooting rifle, skillfully executing grouse and pheasants at point blank range, raising questions about the boys safety, social services were called to the home.

## Conspiracy Theories

### Emperor of Germany

Fans of the Duke speculate that at the time of his official death, he, in fact, moved to the Duchy of Saxe Coburg, ancestral home of the Montagu's, and instead became **Erzherzog Und Mountbatten schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg, 'Superkaiser' of the New German Empire** where he plotted to stage a coup to take over the Republic of Germany. The theory denotes that the Duke actually lived to 101, until he was killed in a scenario similar to the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand. Among many of the believers of this conspiracy include The Duke of Somerset, Charles Stewart, 18th Duke of Somerset.

### Lives in Argentina with Hitler and the Duke of Windsor

Towards the end of his life, the Duke would lock himself in his room and emerge a week later, telling journalists that he had been to Argentina and had drinks with Adolf Hitler. The staff wrote off the claims, claiming that they were *"Entirely false".* The principal Butler told HELLO magazine in an interview that *"The Duke is unwell, and severely unbalanced."* , "*He has been influenced badly by the Queen Mother, who tells him these stories. Sadly, he is retarded enough to believe them".*

## Notable Events

### Montagu Trust Scandal

The Duke was shrouded in scandal, and rejected by his aristocratic peers, after it emerged that he had squandered the family estate on drugs and alcohol. He was forced to sell a large chunk of his land to pay the debts.

### Eleanor Bennett Court Case

The Duke was forced to pay the sum of £500,000 outside of court in an agreement with former Prime Minister Eleanor Bennett. He was threatened with legal action, after he slandered Lady Bennett live on television.

### Terror Attacks 2015

The Duke of Manchester courageously took in one Manchester 'refugee' after a terrorist destroyed their home in the 2015 attacks. The Prime Minister of the time, David Ryans, refused to award the Duke with his request of an OBE.

### 'Ducal Dust Scandal'

In 2015, the Duke, an hereditary peer within the House of Lords, was exposed as having made sexually perverted comments regarding a number of public figures, including Her Majesty The Queen. In a string of answerphone messages, the Duke said to Her Majesty's Lady-in-Waiting, 'Put me on to Brenda, will you! I want to hear her sexy voice... and she is waiting to receive my ducal dust. COME ON, BRENDA, TAKE THE DUCAL DUST WHOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAR.'

In a BBC News interview regarding the affair, the Duke - instead of apologizing - began to masturbate whilst thinking of The Queen, and then ejaculated live on air screaming 'TAKE MY DUCAL DUST!'

A day after the incident, the Duke told reporters that he agreed the incident was unwarranted, noting that he 'didn't even ejaculate enough sperm to warrant 9.1. million viewers,' and later adding, 'I would have asked for my money back if I was watching that [snort, inaudible chants]... everybody knew the scooooooooooooore.'

## Personal Life

The Duke was married twice, first to Diana Montagu, and then secretly to an unknown woman.

He had an illegitimate son, as the result of an affair, later confirmed to be born out of a marriage in France, Louis Montagu, who inherited the debt ridden estate after the death of his father.

He was only taught German by his father, who believed that the Germans would invade, and wanted to make a good impression when they did. He only learnt to read and write English when he was studying for his degree.