Insanity Attack

Insanity Attack is the fourteenth chapter in the Wombles Eight.

In LA Sir Mother was driving for his life to try and keep his Bentley.  He couldn’t even see the tailpipe of the bald man’s car.  Soon he reached a bridge as he sped along at over 80 mph.  Now he could see the finish where the bald man and his crew where waiting for him. Waiting for his Bentley!  He thought it couldn’t get worse but then the bridge started lifting.  With him still on it.  Sir Mother desperately tried to reach the far side before it lifted too high but it was too late!

The big Bentley flew over the chasm between the two halves of the bridge.  It crashed down nose first destroying the grille.  Sparks flew up.  The front tyres burst.  Mother spun around helplessly flailing his foot on the brake pedal.  He screeched to a stop on the pavement then suddenly thought about Father.  He looked next to him and she was unconscious.  Just as he was going to call 911 the bald man appeared at the window.

“You owe me a car” he said reaching out for the keys.  Sir Mother tried to stop him but the keys were ripped from his hand.  He was pulled out of the car and the man drove the limping Bentley into a garage.  Now Sir Mother had lost his car and sister.  There was only one thing to do.  He was furious but he had to find Fate!

Katy was through torturing Wellington, for now.  He was a bloody mess with only one eye left but at least he was alone.  He lay there groaning in pain hoping the peace might last but it didn’t.  Catwoman came into his cell.  She lashed her whip and wrapped it around Wellington then dragged him to the throne room. Katy was waiting. “Wellington!  It is now time for you to build my gateway to the multiverse! I have found you some helpers for the heavy work.”  Katy waited as a group of musclebound men and a big womble trudged into the room in chains. “You fool!  You ain’t never gonna get away with this!” shouted BA. “Tomsk!” said Wellington.  Tomsk just shook his head.

Bungo was watching TV at Avengers HQ.  The news was on but it was supposed to be a new series called The Wombles Saga.  The lady on the TV announced “This is a government announcement.”

*It’s your great leader Alderney here!  The King has asked me to announce a correction about one of the new Knights. Sir Bungo was already a Knight. So he is to be known as Sir Sir Bungo! That’s it folks!*

“And now it’s the first episode of the Wombles Saga” said the newsreader.  Sir Sir Bungo, Shansi and PMW settled down with their snacks to watch it.

Aquaman arrived at Dick Grayson’s secret base looking confused and mumbling to himself.  “Hi.” He said, “Nice to meet you.”  “Meet you?  Aquaman, we’ve known each other for almost a year now!” replied Dick, concerned. “Oh.” Said Aquaman, “The river police took me here to be checked for amnesia I think.”  “A good thing too!”  “Oh.  Um, would you like a coffee?”  Dick stared, looking amazed.  “Aquaman, stop being nice to me!  It’s creepy!” “But shouldn’t I be nice to everyone?” “No!  I mean, yes, but- who are you and what have you done with Arthur Curry?” “Arthur Curry.” Repeated Aquaman. “Yes, that’s your name!”  “Oh boy.” Aquaman said to himself, “I’m really exposing myself here.”  “Exposing yourself?  What do you mean?”  “Oh, nothing.”  “Just tell me.  Look, I’m just worried about you!”  “My name isn’t Arthur Curry.”  “Yes it is…” “No.  No, my name is Sam.  Sam Beckett.” “Are you okay?”  “No!” said Aquaman in a complaining tone, “I just quantum leaped into the body of a superhero with a personality so different from mine that there’s no way I can convince anyone that I am this person who is actually way in the future in a lab with my best friend who I see as a hologram, and I’m stuck with my new friend who I’ve no idea who is, having to expose my true identity to him, so no, I am not okay!  Can I have a mirror?”  Dick just stared.

Cathy woke up in the trunk of the bald man’s car.  She did a superspeed punch on it and it shattered into more pieces than anyone who’s ever existed could count, then she got out and looked around.  She was in a very dark garage.  She ran out of it, straight in front of a car.  In the last few seconds before it reached her, she braced herself to be hit, shaking nervously.  It just went through her.  She stared after the car, very confused, then found her way back to where she’d first met with the bald man.  He was arguing with another man about who won their last race.

“Hello” said Cathy, trying to get the bald man’s attention.  It worked.  “How did you get out the trunk of my car?” he asked.  “I smashed the trunk’s roof into googols of pieces.” Cathy replied casually. The bald man was now confused because he could tell that she really meant it.  “How’d you do that then?” he asked.  “I used my super speed.”  “Oh.” Said the bald man, remembering that Cathy had first encountered him when she had accidentally lost control of her running and went to Los Angeles.  “Are you ready to make your decision now?” he asked. “What decision?”  “Are you gonna race or are you gonna leave?”  “What’s in it for me if I race?”  “Freedom.”  “I already have that.”  “That’s not what I meant.  You see, uh… what’s your name again?”  “I’m Queen Lady Catherine Anne Steed nee Purdey the Sixth of England.”  “Right.  Well you see, Cathy, I live my life a quarter mile at a time.  Nothing else matters.  Not the money, not the bright lights, nothing… when I’m racing, for those ten seconds or less, I’m free.”  “I still don’t understand.  It sounds like you’re just saying that racing makes you happy.  But what if you lose?”  “I never lose.”

The man who had been arguing interrupted.  “Are you racing or are you not?”  Before Cathy could answer, all the street lights turned off.  “What just happened?” shouted the bald man over the crowd. “Someone cut the power, Dom!” replied another man, “Someone here is a cop!”  Dom looked seriously at Cathy.  “I know you’re a queen, but are you seriously trying to get us arrested? I already told you, you ain’t got no authority here.”  “It wasn’t me!” Cathy insisted, then all the cars’ engines turned off.  A man in a mustard coloured messy suit with blonde hair appeared out of nowhere.

“Which one of you idiots said the word It?” he asked furiously.  Dom went through the whole conversation with Cathy in his head.  Then he pointed at Cathy, and said, “She said It three times.”

Constantine sighed and lit a cigar while waiting.  Then Cathy screamed as she saw Long Since Forgotten Steed walking up to her, holding a pocket watch and swinging it.  Cathy ran away.

“No, don’t run, love! It’s not really what you’re seeing, just a demon!” But Cathy was already five hundred miles away.

Dom was seeing himself driving the slowest car that’d ever been invented.  He didn’t stop to think why and how he was in two places at once, because he was so terrified.  Constantine couldn’t see It at all because his fearless rune hadn’t worn off yet. He was observing all the people around him’s reactions, trying to work out where It was.  Then everyone calmed down as It was summoned to another location.

It appeared in Dick Grayson’s secret lair.  Dick screamed at the sight of Bruce Wayne’s grave.  Aquaman- I mean Sam- screamed at the sight of himself quantum leaping into a baby girl’s body.  They both fainted, before Constantine appeared next to them, sighing and looking very tired.  He mumbled an incantation and then It was sent back to hell again, this time for longer as Constantine had stronger courage this time around.

Sam looked at nothing and said, “Do you know what I’m here to do yet?”  “What?” replied Constantine and Dick together.  Sam said, “Just ignore me.” And then walked into another room, gesturing Dick’s mannequin with his Robin costume on it to follow him. He was actually gesturing his friend Al to follow him.  Al was sent as a hologram to help Sam whenever he quantum leaped.  Sam was always there to put something right that once went wrong.  Nobody else could see or hear Al, except for animals, as Al was actually still in the future with an advanced computer called Ziggy, trying to work out what Sam was there to put right.

“So,” said Al, “There’s this man nearby named Harry Potter.  He used to be married to this girl named Ginny Weasley, but he cheated on her with this other girl named Hermione Granger, and he struggled trying to work out which he loved for a while, until he used some drugged milk to make it so he could only lie, so then he found out that his true love was Hermione and vice versa, and then Harry divorced Ginny, Hermione divorced her husband Ron, and Ginny and Ron- who are sibling, by the way- were very upset about it, especially Ginny, who in a few days will go completely mad from anxiety about it and Ziggy reckons there’s a 52 per cent chance that you’re here to keep her on the straight and narrow.”  “Fifty-two isn’t a very high number.”  “No, but there’s quite a number of things that are going to go wrong in your current near future, so the chances were pushed down quite a bit.”  “Okay.  Where can I find Ginny Weasley, then?”  “Well I don’t know that yet.  You’ll just have to wait until you stumble across her in the street.”  Al waved goodbye with a sarcastic smile, and disappeared.  Sam just sighed, and said, “Oh boy.”