Episode 51: What If He Stays

https://globehell.libsyn.com/

## Episode Summary

Jeff Bezos is going into space soon and a lot of people have been saying that instead of coming back he should with a huge smile on my face and motioning for you to do the same okay what if he stays?

## Notable Events

* Josiah and Drew performed vampire impressions to welcome the show.
* A person who wished to remain anonymous sent Drew a video, requesting that he and Josiah watch it. That video was called "How to be Funny in Any Conversation" about how to be funny in any conversation and why we find certain things funny and how to do it using the 3 simple yet powerful styles of humor.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Improve Your Sense Of Humor & Personality  | 7 Tips To Be Funnier" about 7 ways to improve your sense of humor.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video about jokes regarding Jeff and Mark Bezos planning to go to space.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Bezos's Space Trip, Manchin's Break from Democrats & Nigeria's Twitter Block | The Daily Show" about Jon Stewart joking about Jeff Bezos going to space.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video about how Jeff Bezos's ship looks like a penis.
* Josiah and Drew read a long series of jokes and comments from people online on the topic of Jeff Bezos staying in space.
	+ Note: This was reminiscent of the segment in Episode 32: World Wide Comedy where Josiah and Drew read funny tweets they had retweeted at the time that could instead be read by hybrid animal comedians in a cumedy club.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Message from Jeff Bezos - SNL" about Jeff Bezos responding to President Trump's criticisms about the locations of Amazon's new headquarters.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "How I Started Amazon.com" about the world's first centi-billionaire ($100 Billion Dollars or higher) who owns the world's third largest company (Amazon.com) and an aerospace firm named Blue Origin.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "AOC Rips Jeff Bezos For Asking For Space Money While Ex Donates Billions | TMZ" about Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez thinking it's pretty rich to see a billionaire seeking handouts from Uncle Sam while their ex-wife gives away billions of dollars, so she's ripping Jeff Bezos.
* Josiah and Drew discussed whether Jeff Bezos wants to stay in space or not, along with why so many people said that he should stay there. They took consideration of the fact that a tweet saying he should stay in space was signed by everyone, which means even he must have signed that tweet, which means he wants to stay in space.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Over 10,000 sign petition preventing Jeff Bezos to return to earth | ANC" about how more than 10,000 people have now signed a petition blocking Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos from ever returning to earth once he goes on his space trip.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Jeff Bezos to fly into space next month" about Jeff Bezos, the billionaire founder of Amazon, who is to fly into space with his brother days after stepping down from the top role at the tech titan.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "LEAVE JEFF BEZOS ALONE (EPIC RANT)" about what a rapper has to say in defense of Jeff Bezos and Amazon.
* Josiah and Drew discussed what would actually happen if Jeff Bezos went to space and didn't come back.

## Notable Quotes

### Josiah

* "[In response to Drew saying he sounded like a horse] Yeah, sorry, my voice is a bit hoarse. I've been doing too much podcasting lately; my voice is a little bit hoarse every once in a whi-hi-hi-hi-hile. Neigh!"
* "What's another one? Bird. Tweet. Oi, tweet - uh I did a tweet."
* "The path to Globe Hell is paved with good intentions."
* "Drew's the kind of person who types with one index finger at a time."
* "You shouldn't be trying to drug a girl while you're talking to her. And I kinda think if you're releasing dopamine - if you're tricking her into releasing dopamine into her own brain, that's kind of... I th- I - if she wanted to release dopamine, she would do it herself."
* "There's three new styles of humor: Bo Burnham, Twitter, tweets."
* "[In response to Drew saying he has something right on the top of his head] Yeah, your hair!"
* "[In response to Drew asking if he knew what he ate for breakfast that morning] Uhhh well you usually talk about, I think, eating your own shit for breakfast."
	+ Note: In Episode 19: World Wide Rock Festival, Drew denied that he eats any poo-poo and made clear that the only thing he eats from a butt are chicken eggs.
* "[On the topic of misdirection-style humor] What if you said, 'Hey, Drew, what do you think I had for breakfast this morn- what do you think I had for breakfast this morning?'. Uh I'm in a different - I'm in a different time zone than you and it hasn't - it's not breakfast time yet. So I haven't had anything yet. Cause I'm in a different um - different - cause the ti- cause upon a time. Once upon a time."
* "[On the topic of affiliative humor] How bout that weather, hey?"
* "Hey, Drew, if you worked at a circus, which job would you wanna have? I know. You would probably have the job where you lay in the elephant shit and wallow around."
* "Your job at the circus would be you're fired."
* "I think we could try to maybe use some humor in the show a little bit to get our message across of leftism."
* "He's real sad son of a bitch, that Bo Burnham. But I think he's really figured it all out with - cause of the humor."
* "Smile, sweetie. We already covered that."
* "I think we have pretty good timing, even if the jokes are lacking."
* "It'll last 11 minutes? That's pretty good! Uh if it w- if he - he lasts 11 minutes, uh he must be a real hit with the uh - his b- blast-off will la- just trying to do a little spurt of joke to break up the - his blast-off will last 11 minutes, he must be a real hit with the uh - when he's having sex with a lady."
* "The thing about Jeff Bezos is that he's - so what I wanted to talk to you about today is the thing about Jeff uh Bezos is that um he's uh - the thing about this Jeff Bezos guy - so he's - well we'll talk about who he is in a second, but the thing about him is that uh he's, I guess, he's going to space! He's v- uh a really rich guy and he's going - he's using his wealth - he's a multimillionaire and he's using those millions to uh travel to the land before ti- the land before time, is that...? No, the great uh yonder."
* "And so - and so the thing - so he's going up there, and the thing is that people want him - people are - all these people are saying, and I think - I mean, you can look with me here, and I don't know if this is sincere or not cause it's hard to tell with humor in conversation, but I getting the feeling that a lot of people think that Jeff Bezos should stay up there in space. That he should go to space and just stay."
* "Uh this elderly gentleman named 'The Muff Connoisseur', uh he quotes a news organiz- there's no link but he quotes a news organization, he says: 'Jeff Bezos is going to space on Blue Origin's first crewed rocket ship, and that's from Rich Fuck News'. And the Muff Connoisseur adds, 'Great! And don't come back.' Well thanks, Muff Connoisseur."
* "I mean, I just think - a- and - and I think - I'm starting to think that - uh at first I thought that it's cause he w- uh wanted to go to space and stay there, but I'm thinking maybe some of these people are saying that in - to be cruel!"
* "[On the topic of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez looking like a Karen when she says Jeff Bezos should pay more in taxes] Well she's probably wants to talk to the manager, and guess what: he *is* the manager."
* "[On the topic of comparisons between Jeff Bezos and Lex Luthor] Here's the thing: without Lex Luthor, you don't have Superman. Probably. I don't really know."
* "I think, as you said, there are so many sides to each coin, uh and, you know, maybe for this kind of episode it's a crypto co- uh coin that we're talking about cause of kind of a computer guy. Amazon Coin."
* "When you swear, it kind of discounts your argument a little bit. Sayin 'effin this,' 'affin that.' "
* "What's worse: being hungry or destruction?"
* "Lemme just - kinda to keep the balance of all these different viewpoints we've had, I just want to close out on one final tweet from Pogue Mahone. @IMPogueMahone writes: 'Even though #Jeff Bezos will only be up in space for 11 minutes I bet it will still end up being the best 11 minutes of his life and I also bet there are some mean people out there that are hoping he won't return,too.' And I think that just really sums it all up. Um, you know, he might not come b- he might *not* come ba- maybe he will decide to stay! He - that's - these things were all his decisions, his mi- it's a mindset, and it's space, uh Jeff Bezos is going to space, and uh some people think he should stay there."

### Drew

* "Ribbit. Oh, I think I've got a frog in my throat!"
* "Just pay attention."
* "Which way is the toilet flushing?"
* "[On the topic of affiliative humor] No, it's like Jim face."
* "[In response to the video they were watching recommending that people improve their humor by watching more comedy] Oh, 'watch more comedy'! We just watched uh Bo Burnham, check it out on Patreon.com Globe Hell."
* "[In response to Josiah saying they have really good timing even if the jokes are lacking] Yeah, absolutely, it's the rhythm of the show that people love and not the content."
* "That's why Jim didn't get into the Finer Things Club. Because Toby and Oscar just thought he was overbearing."
* "I think watch *The Office* if you're interested in comedy, watch *The Office*, watch the - learn from the best, Steve Carell."
* "Here's two spurts that I'd like to cum. Steve Carell on *The Office* and Andy Samberg on 'Office-Nine-Nine' - *Brooklyn Nine-Nine*."
* "What's odd about a rocket ship that looks like a penis?"
* "Well they call it space because there is just so much of it. There is uh some planets, mostly it's just empty space. There's space dust, comets, moons, of course. But that's it."
* "I'm just looking through more of The Muff Connoisseur's tweets."
* " 'Dr. Muff advice: If you accidentally fart loudly on a plane, just yell, "Howdy!" to assure everyone that your intentions are peaceful.' "
* "Here's uh one from uh Muff Connoisseur. 'Dr. Muff advice: When you accidentally fart, just say, "It's that asshole talkin behind my back again!" ' "
* " 'Mr. Muff tip for the day: When you feel that pressure building in your stomach, there's nothing more satisfying than a fart.' "
* "This is from The Moff - hahahaha, 'Moff' - Muff Connoisseur: 'Liberals are oppressors and inherently racist.' "
* "This is from The Muff Connoisseur: uh 'Texans can carry handguns without a license or training starting September 1st, Google News. "A well regulated Militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms shall not be infringed." In order words, Fuck You, Joe Biden!' "
* "[On the topic of Jeff Bezos] It's impressive, you have to admit. This guy used to just be a child and now he's going to space."
* "[On the topic of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez saying Jeff Bezos should pay more in taxes] Well, it's just - it's just, I mean, look, I think - I think there's - people - there - there is some justification in being mad about billionaires and the inequality, um but I also think um: 'OK, Karen.' "
* "Look, a lot of people have a dark past. We - everybody looks at Wolverine as a hero, but he's done some really dark stuff. I don't know that much about the character, to be honest."
* "[On the topic of Jeff Bezos's divorce] Maybe his wife - I mean this must have been in the works for a while - maybe his wife - he's telling his wife about his plans to go to space and she says, 'Stay there.' Can you imagine?"
* "I wanna smash this kid in the face. Right in the nose. That big nose. Big nose."
* "[On the topic of putting a cap on our energy use] No cap."
* "[In response to Josiah asking what would happen if Jeff Bezos went to space and just didn't come back] Well I think - I think um nothing would change. It would be the exact same."
* "And I think he has to do what he thinks is best for himself and what's best for his family. If he wants to go up there and, I don't know, try and go to the moon and - go to the moon and repopulate the moon with his brother, then I think he should go for it."
* "[In response to Josiah's question about how Jeff Bezos could repopulate the moon with his brother] What do you mean? They could make brother babies."

## Trivia

* This is the second episode with a question as the episode title, after Episode 27: Why Do I Have Blue Eyes?, though there is no question mark in this episode's title, despite its presence in the episode art.
* Josiah and Drew discussed Jeff Bezos going to space in the previous Patreon episode Globehell Warning Podcast Watches Bo Burngham Standup.
* This is the fifth main episode to not propose a new Globe Hell idea, after Bus, Episode 27: Why Do I Have Blue Eyes?, Episode 30: The Stock Market Explained, and Episode 40: The JO Zone.