Dom and Bern: Motor Madness (X-OvrLuvr Version)

**Dom and Bern: Motor Madness** is the eighth episode of the Punch Time Exploders Chronicles series. During the events of Punch Time Exploders and the SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, the United Universal Police Department has discovered that Bernadette has been operating various vehicles without a driver's license, as her Greylands-issue driver's license had expired. But when SpongeBob accompanies her, and his actions cause him to fall into the clutches of a dangerous street gang, she may need a little help to get him back, and not just from Dominator.

This page is the original version written by X-OvrLuvr. As a result, this version is considered a Lost Draft.

## Original Transcript

### Intro

(Drake and Josh style intro)

Dominator: Get this.

Bernadette: Here's the story so far.

Dominator: Bernadette got pulled over by cops in the last episode...

Bernadette: A UUPD officer pulls me over on the way to Shell City...

Dominator: And it turned out her license expired.

Bernadette: He told me my license expired, but I could've sworn it would last while I was back at Incarcecon.

Dominator: Hey, it sucks for her, but my license got burned up back in that stupid galaxy incident, and we were NOT gonna risk getting arrested.

Bernadette: So, Dominator accompanies me to the vehicle pound...

Dominator: And I go with her to this place where they keep all the confiscated cars and stuff...

Bernadette: And Officer Axel happened to be there, and he was willing to give it back.

Dominator: The eel officer said he'd give Bern's car back on one condition.

Both: We have to take a driver's test.

Bernadette: I can't wait to get my license.

Dominator: I am ready to drive again.

### Chapter 1: Driving Towards Troubled Waters

(In the Prophet's palace...)

Dominator: (She's watching Bernadette pace worriedly) Bern, I can tell you're nervous, but it's just a driving test.

Bernadette: Dom, you heard what Axel said. He'll give my car back after I pass the test, but the UUDMV only has a month left of testing. If I don't pass, I'll face either a year of driving classes or two years of jailtime, and every moment counts in this war!

???: Oh, I wouldn't worry. (The two girls look around)

Bernadette: Who said that?

???: Over here. (The two see SpongeBob entering the room)

Dominator: What are you doing here?

SpongeBob: I've been thinking about what Axel said. If you recall, I don't have a license, either.

Bernadette: Well, you seemed to handle the Patty Wagon just fine.

SpongeBob: But I failed my driving test over a million times. Maybe more. I know all the answers, until I get behind the wheel. I figured that if I knew how to drive a land car, I'd be better at driving a boat.

Dominator: Listen, tiger, our cars aren't like your silly little toy boats. If your reputation for driving is as bad as you say, you don't have what it takes to--

Bernadette: Dominator! Just give this guy a chance. Mindy did.

Dominator: Well... All right. But don't say I didn't warn him.

Bernadette: Virgil! When will we arrive at the UUDMV? (a holographic screen opens up, revealing a different version of Earth)

(At the UUDMV)

Bernadette: There it is, guys. The United Universal Department of Motor Vehicles, stationed in, I found out here, Volcano Island New York City.

Dominator: Why would they call this entire world Volcano Island?

Bernadette: Apparently, there's a legendary island nestled near a volcano where an ancient tribe banished their Darkspawn enemy. So great was their battle that they named this entire world after their home. Legend has it, that same Darkspawn will escape, and nine chosen warriors will arise to banish him once again.

SpongeBob: Wow... I'd sure like to visit that island one day.

Dominator: I, for one, have lots of faith in you.

(Inside the DMV, people were heard chatting until the trio entered, causing everyone to be concerned upon seeing SpongeBob)

Bernadette: (The trio walk up to the reception desk) My friends and I are here to enroll for a driver's test.

Receptionist: Are you trying to get us all killed? Don't you realize that guy is the failure of Mrs. Puff's Boating School? He's failed the test at least--

Dominator: A million times? Yeah, we know. Now let's do this.

(Later...)

Bernadette: Hey, Dom! SpongeBob and I passed the written test!

SpongeBob: of course.

Dominator: See? What were you so nervous about?

SpongeBob: How'd you guys do on the eye exam?

Dominator: I narrowly passed. Ran into a little trouble with a guy who thought my sclera color was unnatural, but otherwise no problem.

Bernadette: And now for the tricky part; applying our knowledge to practical use.

SpongeBob: Oh no, that IS the tricky part. That's where I always have trouble.

Dominator: Well, sucks for you, Spongey.

Bernadette: I have an idea. We'll most likely be using the same car, so Dominator and I will go first to allow you to watch us in action and calm your nerves. Then, you can try it on your own. Does that sound good to you?

SpongeBob: As long as these pants are square, and this Sponge is Bob, I won't let you down!

Dominator: We'll just see about that.

???: Willows, Bernadette, party of three. (a female driving instructor enters the scene)

Bernadette: Right here.

(In the parking lot)

Driving Instructor: So, who wants to go first?

Dominator: I'll do it. (She hops into the driver's seat)

Driving Instructor: Don't jump into the seat! This isn't a college party. (Everyone else gets in)

Dominator: Okay, seatbelts, engine start... (she starts the engine)

Driving Instructor: Okay, if you'll just take a left...

Dominator: Oh, I'll give you more than a left. (She drives off wildly as most of the drive consists of this)

(Dominator pulls back into the DMV)

Dominator: Did I pass?

Driving Instructor: Well... despite the wild ride, you seemed to know what you were doing.

Dominator: Thanks.

Driving Instructor: But, I'm afraid I can't pass you just yet.

Dominator: Why not?!

Driving Instructor: Well... you ran two stop signs...

Dominator: I just didn't see them coming!

Driving Instructor: Drove on the sidewalk...

Dominator: I went too late into the turn, that's all.

Driving Instructor: Went too slow into a residential area...

Dominator: You know how neighbors can be sticklers for the road.

Driving Instructor: Rear-ended an ambulance...

Dominator: That was an accident on my part.

Driving Instructor: Hmm... did I forget anything?

Bernadette: She also threatened to run over a crossing guard.

Dominator: Hey, those kids made it to the other lane!

Driving Instructor: Look, Dominator, you look like a nice girl. Not the best driver, though. Ms. Willows will go next, and if Mr. Squarepants is as bad as they say he is, then we'll see. (Dominator and Bernadette switch seats)

Bernadette: Dom, where did you learn to drive?

Dominator: One of my sisters used to be a street racer.

Bernadette: That would explain a lot.

(Later...)

Driving Instructor: Well, Bernadette, you passed with flying colors. Let me just get a bit of fresh air, then we'll be ready for SpongeBob's test. (Leaves the car)

Bernadette: Well, that was easy. (gets out of the seat) Okay, SpongeBob, you're up.

SpongeBob: Me?

Bernadette: yeah. You wanted your license, didn't you?

SpongeBob: I know, but... do you think I'll do okay, Bernadette?

Bernadette: Well, if you learn from my example, I'm sure you'll do just fine. (They switch seats as the driving instructor returns wearing a suit of armor)

Driving Instructor: Ready! (She enters the passenger seat) So, the engine's running, seatbelts are fastened... now, Mr. Squarepants, what's the first thing you do to make a turn?

SpongeBob: I, buh-I, I-duh, FLOOR IT?!

Dominator: I'm no time lord, but I can guess what's gonna happen next.

Driving Instructor: I brought this on myself. (SpongeBob causes a massive collision and pileup that destroys the UUDMV building)

Bernadette: You drove the Patty Wagon so expertly... why do you betray me like this?

SpongeBob: So, did I pass?

Driving Instructor: No... but your friends did.

Dominator: Friends? Does this mean...

(Snap cut to Dominator with a driver's license)

Dominator: I'M STREET LEGAL! YEAH!

Bernadette; Only by a technicality! And don't gloat in front of SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: It's okay... when it comes to driving, I'm used to it. I just need to be alone for a while.

Bernadette: Okay, SpongeBob. Take as much time as you need. (She and Dominator leave as SpongeBob sits on the curb by the wreckage, then a student driver car drives by, and a male dog approaches him)

Male Dog: Well, what's happened here, son?

SpongeBob: I failed my driving test... again.

Male Dog: Well, that's no reason to feel so sad. You can always take it again.

SpongeBob: I TRIED OVER A MILLION TIMES!

Male Dog: Oh... well, I'm sure they'll have another test you can take soon.

SpongeBob: The building will take weeks to fix, so they're suspending tests for now.

Male Dog: Really?

SpongeBob: I'd do anything to get that license!

Male Dog: Well... maybe I can help you.

SpongeBob: Why would you help me?

Male Dog: Well, it was surprisingly fortunate that you destroyed the DMV and failed your test just as I was showing up late for work. Oh, where are my manners? My name is Maximillian Rover. (Shakes SpongeBob's hand) And what's your name?

SpongeBob: SpongeBob.

Max Rover: Well, hello, SpongeBob! I can help you get that license if you can help me with something else.

SpongeBob: Sure, Mr. Rover, what do you need?

Max Rover: Well, in case you didn't notice, I'm a certified driving instructor who can easily pass anyone as long as they follow my simple guidelines.

SpongeBob: You can teach me how to drive?

Max Rover: Yep! But I can make an exception if you can solve my problem. My brother Reagan has gone down the wrong road, so to speak. He and his friends need someone to guide them along the straight and narrow.

SpongeBob: And that'll get me my license?

Max Rover: That's right. All right, SpongeBob, are you ready to start your ultimate driving test?

SpongeBob: Yes, I am!

Max Rover: Okay, then, you drive. (The two get in and SpongeBob floors it into the distance)

(At Town Hall...)

Officer Axel: (He is seen talking with Dominator and Bernadette amongst other police officers) Well, I gotta say, I'm impressed that you managed to get your car back to you.

Bernadette: We appreciate it, officer.

Officer Axel: But right now, it's time for a press conference.

Newcaster: Good afternoon, I'm ???, coming to you live from Volcano Island New York town hall, where we hear at any moment, Commissioner Quidilin will officially declare the United Universal Police operational to all universes. Ah! And here she is now. (The crimson dragon from the Dragon Lands approaches a podium)

Bernadette: Is that...?

Quidilin: Thank you. Thank you, everyone. It is my great honor to be a part of this great new justice system. And I can promise you that the United Universal Police will spread across all worlds, bringing justice to criminals, no matter how diabolical! (Applause is heard)

Random Police Officer: You're an inspiration to us all, Commissioner Qui!

Quidilin: You're very kind. But I would not have taken this first step without my assembly of officers stationed throughout, including everyone's favorite role model, Chief Amos Blood! (An old bloodhound rolls out in a wheelchair) And now, if it pleases everyone, I'd like you to meet our guests of honor. Would Freelance Police agents Sam and Max please step forward? (A brown dog in a grey suit and a white rabbit walk onto the stage)

Brown Dog: Thank you, everyone. It fills me with pride to be volunteering among such a fine lot of certified police officers.

White Rabbit: It also fills me with a sense of pursuit of happiness, and despicable criminals. Also, Sam said there was a significant crime drop in recent times back on our world.

Sam the Dog: pay no attention to Max. Besides, he's the one who said he was bored out of his mind.

Max the Rabbit: You wanna make somethin' of it, tough guy?

Sam the Dog: Let's not get overexcited, little buddy.

Dominator: What a couple of dorks. (Suddenly, a bull police officer pushes through the crowd and runs towards Chief Blood)

Bull police officer: Sir! Sir!

Chief Amos Blood: Yes, Officer Bullman, what is it?

Officer Bullman: I just received word from the Dispatcher that there's a robbery in progress at the Tricorn National Bank on 82nd!

Chief: What?! Let's move out! (the police officer scramble to their cars)

Sam: Let's go, Max! (the two jump in their car)

Officer Axel: Meet me by the vehicle impound! (The squad cars drive off)

(At the Tricorn bank)

(a large pack of chihuahuas emerge from the bank)

Chihuahua #1: Come on, man, where's the getaway driver the boss hired?

Lead Chihuahua: They should be here. (SpongeBob pulls up and the chihuahuas pile in)

SpongeBob: Whoa, there sure are a lot of you.

Lead Chihuahua: Who the hell is this kid?

Max Rover: He's our newest recruit.

Chihuahua #2: The one Reagan texted us about? He doesn't look like much.

Max Rover: Don't worry. He's very good at what he does. Now, then, SpongeBob, floor it!

SpongeBob: Here we go! (he floors it despite the police cars chasing after him) Hey, look at all those police! I wonder if the president's in town.

Chihuahua #3: Drive, you yellow bastard! They're gaining on us!

SpongeBob: yes, sir! I'm going as fast as I can, sir! (He sits back down as some of the chihuahuas start firing guns until he comes across a police barricade)

Chihuahua #4: He's not gonna try and smash through that, is he?

Max Rover: I already told you, he's good at what he does. (SpongeBob smashes through the police barricades until they come across a drawbridge in the distance) Once we make it to the drawbridge, we're home free.

Lead Chihuahua: We're gonna jump the drawbridge as it goes up? Genius! No one would be crazy enough to follow us after that!

Chihuahua #5: except maybe THEM! (Sam and Max's car is still pursuing them)

Sam: (Through a bullhorn) Freelance police! Surrender immediately or we will be authorized to use deadly force!

Max the Rabbit: (through the bullhorn) well, deadlier than our usual deal, anyway!

Chihuahua #6: They're gonna catch us! I'm using the thing! (Brings out a huge rocket launcher)

Max Rover: NO, NOT THAT! (The chihuahua fires the rocket launcher, which knocks Sam and Max's car to the side and propels the car over the raised drawbridge, where, unknown to SpongeBob, the student driver sticker on the car peels off upon landing, revealing another sticker that says "My other car is a monster truck" with a car grill in skull and crossbones)

Max the Rabbit: (Dubbed as Cleveland) YOU SONS OF BITCHES!

Sam: Not my favorite expression, Max, but otherwise appropriate for this situation.

Max the Rabbit: Situation? What situation? They could've wrecked the DeSoto, Sam!

Sam: Nothing we can do about it now. Those crooks are out of our jurisdiction.

### Chapter 2: Meet the Rage Rovers

(Back at the police station...)

Quidilin: So, let me get this straight... the reason you terminated pursuit is because the bank robbers threatened you with guns and rocket launchers?

Duck Officer: Ma'am, yes ma'am!

Quidilin: if I were a lesser dragon, you'd be fired on the spot. And you'd better hope Senator Tricorn doesn't catch wind of this, or you'd be worse than fired. I hope one of you has good news.

Moose Officer: Ma'am, the Chief has reason to believe these bank robbers and the recklessness of their getaway driver is connected to a street gang.

Owl Officer: You mean the Rage Rovers? Could be. Dispatch said the robbers were described to be about 10 or 20 chihuahuas.

Quidilin: Right. Well, I'll go tend to Chief Blood, then I'll be right on my way. (Enters the office, and sees Blood with Bullman) Chief, I'm putting your entire squad on catching those bank robbers.

Chief Blood: That's great. Hopefully, I'll find those guys and go out with a bang.

Bullman: Go out with a... you mean...

Chief Blood: Yes. I'm retiring from the police game, and my mission is almost done. But I don't need my entire squad. Just me, Bullman, Wattson, and Sam and Max.

Bullman: Oh, yes, sir! Sam and max were the closest to getting those robbers.

Quidilin: Hmm... okay, I'll allow this. Where is Officer Watson, anyway?

Bullman: He said he was gonna meet some civilians he met at Bikini Bottom to retrieve their vehicle.

(At the UUDMV Vehicle Pound...)

Officer Axel: (He hands Bernadette the keys) Here are the keys to your car. It's parked at Row 12.

Bernadette: Thanks, Axel.

Officer Axel: Just keep away from Row #7.

Dominator: You mean the row with that awesome-looking Mad Max Demo-Sadist car over there? (they see a car tricked out with spikes and assorted mounted weapons and a flamethrower on the top)

Officer Axel: They call that car "The Motor Destroyer". The driver was said to have run through a police barricade and killed three officers.

Bernadette: That's terrible. What happened to the driver?

Officer Axel: No one knows. After the car was impounded, the driver disappeared without a trace.

Dominator: Bizarre. (Suddenly, a giant piece of metal falls onto the Motor Destroyer) Whoa! I didn't know it was scheduled for demolition.

Officer Axel: It wasn't... (the metal suddenly floats in the air)

Bernadette: Wait, that's not a wrecking ball! That's a magnet! (the magnet flies up to a futuristic flying car driven by a male German Shepherd)

German Shepherd: NO RIGHTS FOR THE ROAD! WHOO! (the flying car flies away with the magnet in tow)

Bernadette: And that's a flying car! How could a magnet like that be wirelessly attached to something like that, unless...

???: Yep. (Chief Blood and Bullman arrive)

Chief Blood: That was Techwagen, the tech expert of the Rage Rovers.

Dominator: Who the heck are the Rage Rovers?

Chief Blood: The rage Rovers are a street gang that's been causing trouble for quite some time now, and they're my personal enemies.

Bullman: We believe that the bank robbers we lost recently are connected with this street gang. Do you guys want to come along?

Axel/Bernadette/Dominator: WHAT?!

Bernadette: Oh, I wouldn't want to impose. I mean we have a whole team to get back to--

Dominator: We'd love to! Right, Bern? It's what heroes do and all that.

Officer Axel: Chief, have you gone senile?! These girls aren't even UUPD!

Chief Blood: They may not be officers, but they are going to help us.

Bullman: Best do as he says. Chief told me he's close to retiring.

Chief Blood: And I will not let incompetence get in the way of succeeding at my one last job. Is that clear?

Officer Axel: But, sir! (Chief Blood barks and growls at him) Crystal clear, sir. Proud to see you off when you retire, sir.

Bullman: Best pick up your car while you can.

Bernadette: Right.

(At an old warehouse, SpongeBob parks the car)

SpongeBob: Here we are! So, do I get my license yet, Mr. Rover?

Max Rover: Oh, no, that was the practice run.

SpongeBob: You mean there's more?

Max Rover: Oh, yes. Before you start your first set of lessons, I'm gonna need you to wait here with the others.

???: (a voice is heard over a walkie-talkie) Metal Hawk to Ground Rat. Metal Hawk to Ground Rat. I am now delivering the cheese. I repeat, I am delivering the cheese.

Max Rover: Never mind that. Go wait inside with the others. We'll start your test soon.

(In the warehouse...)

(SpongeBob enters and sees dogs in a boxing ring, and drinking, and savagely eating a lot of meat)

SpongeBob: (he walks over to a bar) Uh, I'm looking for a Reagan Rover.

Bartender: Rage Rovers' table is over by the bathroom. (SpongeBob walks over to the table, where he sees the chihuahuas, as well as a dog that looks like Max Rover and a dog dressed like an ice cream man)

SpongeBob: Are you Reagan?

Reagan Rover: Yep. You've met the Rat-Dog Pack, and this guy is the Frozen Kids Treat Man.

SpongeBob: Frozen Kids Treat Man?! Give me some ice cream, gimme, gimme, gimme!

Frozen Kids Treat Man: Well, I would, but that's usually for after our jobs. Besides, I'm doing the street gang gig on the side. My real job is sort of hanging by a thread right now. There was an incident. It all started one summer afternoon. I was making my rounds...

Frozen Kids Treat Man: Those kids were getting on my last nerve.

SpongeBob: Sounds rough.

Frozen Kids Treat Man: it gets worse. During the hottest day of the year, they actually managed to tip over my car and got all the ice cream they wanted without paying. So, I did what I had to do. I borrowed a fake children's skeleton from my sister's school classroom, dressed it in clothes from my childhood, dipped it in ice, and made that! (Points to a kids' skeleton in a block of ice with a huge popsicle stick)

SpongeBob: AHHHH!!

Frozen Kids Treat Man: Nice, isn't it? I called it my special "Frozen Kids' Treat", and that's where I got my moniker. I showed that to kids who wanted ice cream the most, but when they saw it, they either screamed like you did, or started crying. The parents threatened to sue me, so I scrapped that scare campaign. Then I almost got sued again when I attached BB guns to my car. I still don't see why my boss was so upset. I wasn't trying to hurt anybody. I didn't want the kids to be scarred for life, I just wanted them to be patient.

SpongeBob: That's so sad.

Lead Chihuahua: Yeah? My partners and I were part of a clown act, but we quit after losing a cartload of cousins run over by cars. This time, it's personal.

Reagan: Not as personal as Techwagen. He should be here any minute with the package. In fact, he should be here working on our magnum opus. A revolutionary machine that'll change the world of motor vehicles forever.

Frozen Kids Treat Man: How about you, kid? How did you come across our little group?

SpongeBob: I accidentally destroyed the local DMV trying to pass my driving test.

Lead Chihuahua: Say... you're the failure student from Mrs. Puff's Boating School, aren't you?

SpongeBob: Yes... I failed over a million times. (the Rage Rovers whisper among themselves)

Reagan: Kid, how would you like to be a Rage Rover?

SpongeBob: Really? You'd let me join?

Reagan: Yeah, the boys told me that you're taking a test from my brother Max. If he can get you that license, I'm sure you'll be a great driver for us. What do you say... Sponge-Puff?

SpongeBob: Count me in! (The German Shepherd, Techwagen, runs in)

Techwagen: Hey, guys! I brought in the original Motor Destroyer back! Oh, and Max has plans for the highway.

Reagan: Time for your first lesson, kid.

SpongeBob: Oh, yeah!

### Chapter 3: SpongeBob and the Rage Rovers

(Back at the police station...)

Dominator: Okay, so, what should we do first?

Bernadette: Well, obviously, we need to find a lead on the rage Rovers and see how we can deal with them.

Bullman: So, the first part of the plan is to figure out where they're going to strike next. (a gun shot is heard)

Chief Blood: Sam and Max, no shooting in the station.

Sam: He's got a point, Max. These brick walls aren't like the plaster walls we have back in our office. We were just lucky that was a blank. At least, I think it was.

Max the rabbit: Ah, other Universal laws are complicated. (The phone rings)

Sam and Max: I GOT IT, I GOT IT, I GOT IT, I GOT IT, I GOT IT! (Sam gets it)

Sam: Hello? Sweet hot apple cider on the coldest winter days! We're on our way! (Hangs up) That was dispatch. The Rage Rovers have been spotted approaching the highway ready to strike. And in the middle of the work rush!

Wattson: Right!

Chief Blood: Move out!

#### The Highway Dogs Strike Again

(At a parking lot near the highway...)

Max Rover: Okay, SpongeBob, or should I say Sponge-Puff, are you ready for your first lesson?

SpongeBob: I am ready, but I don't know... (Zoom to the outside of the car where we see assorted weapons on the sides, monster truck tires, and a crusher in front of the grill) Isn't this particular vehicle a little ostentatious in the testing department?

Reagan: Sponge, it's our entry that's gotta be covert.

SpongeBob: But isn't attaching weapons to the car sort of... illegal?

Reagan: Hey, you want my brother to give you that license or not?

SpongeBob: No, no, I want that license!

Max Rover: Now start the engine... (the engine starts) And what's next?

SpongeBob: Uh, I, uh, FLOOR IT!

Reagan: Awww, yeah! (SpongeBob floors it all the way to the highway where they're clearly boxed in)

Max Rover: Now lift the crusher. (the crusher is lifted and they slightly move forward) And press the button.

SpongeBob: Why, what does the button do?

max Rover: Well, why don't you find out for yourself? Unless you want a deduction. And by the way, I'm very peculiar about my deductions.

SpongeBob: Okay... (He presses the button, and the grill opens up to reveal a rocket launcher that blows up the car in front of them) FLAPPING FLOTSAM, WHAT DID I JUST DO?! (The people in the other lanes exit their cars and run in a panic) I blew up a car!

Reagan: We know! Now let's go!

SpongeBob: I sent people in a panic!

Reagan: Who cares?! Now drive!

SpongeBob: I have to turn myself in!

Reagan: Are you nuts?! The cops will be here any minute!

SpongeBob: But nobody said anything about-- (Reagan grabs SpongeBob by the collar)

Reagan: Drive this car through the highway right now, or you'll be the fall guy for the Rage Rovers, and forget about that driver's license Max promised you! (Growls)

SpongeBob: Okay, okay! (SpongeBob plows through the highway, crushing cars along the way and sending people running while the cars behind them are backing out in a frenzy as the officers see the frenzied cars drive out of the highway)

Sam: There they are!

Max the Rabbit: And that must be the maniacs in charge of the attack!

Chief Blood: How are we gonna catch up to them?

Bernadette: Leave this to me! (Uses the apparatus in her car to get it into flying mode)

Dominator: Aww, yeah! (Bernadette's car flies toward the highway)

Max Rover: (sees the flying car headed toward them) Oh, dear, this could complicate things.

Bernadette: (through loudspeaker) By order of the United Universal Police Department, you are under arrest!

SpongeBob: Let's just turn ourselves in! This is insane!

Reagan; Keep driving, you bastard!

Bernadette: Dom, I'm gonna get down to the road and get them to pull over! Signal Sam and Max, and they'll take care of the rest! (She lowers her car to the driver's side as close as she can)

SpongeBob: Please, officer, you gotta help me! These people are forcing me to-- (Dominator rolls down the window with a shocked look on her face)

Dominator: No... way. (Bernadette looks over)

Bernadette: SpongeBob?!

Reagan: Now's our chance!

Max Rover: Pull out of the highway while we sort this out! (The crusher car pulls out of the highway)

(Later...)

Chief Blood: (on the TV) The UUPD is on the verge a controversial case involving the street gang known as the Rage Rovers. Their most recent strike was on a local highway. Although there were no casualties, and the victims are alive and well, we must bring this gang to justice at all costs. Which is why effective immediately, I am sending out all available officer on a search for any criminal activity involving them, while my main team will focus on catching them. (Max Rover turns off the TV)

Max Rover: This is an outrage! I don't think the Sponge is getting the whole Rage Rovers thing.

Reagan: I know he's not getting it, but...

Max Rover: There's no but. He's not getting it.

Reagan: Well, what the hell do you want to do? We never should've introduced him to our life of crime.

Max Rover: He's poison.

Reagan: Absolutely. He's dead weight. But without him, the people out there will never learn.

Max Rover: I mean, he's just not vicious. His childlike innocence is completely ruining it.

Reagan: Yeah, but I think it's important to have a fresh mind in the group.

Max Rover: All right, then for the next assignment, I think we're gonna have to expect nothing but his worst driving. And then maybe be pleasantly surprised.

(Meanwhile...)

SpongeBob: I don't think I can go through with this.

Techwagen: Well, I wouldn't worry about it. I mean, just look at me. I have a flying car, and I never have to worry about accidents. (There's a pause, then he sighs) But to tell you the truth, flying cars are the reason I joined this gang. It started when I was cruising with my family...

SpongeBob: Well, I wouldn't have blamed her. Child endangerment is not good.

Techwagen: Yeah, but the last straw was when I wanted to take her to this great restaurant on our date night. We took the scenic route to gaze at the stars, but after a while, she complained that I was flying at a 1/16th of a tank, even though we were fine. A week after that, I had to drive her to work, so I decided to teach her a lesson.

(Flashback)

Techwagen's wife: Oh, John, I'm so glad you were able to do this for me. Did you fill up the tank before flying off?

Techwagen (John): Yes, honey.

Techwagen's wife: Well, would you mind not going so fast? I know I'm running late, but that's no excuse to-- (They drive past her workplace) Wait, honey, we just missed the drop-off!

John: Oh! Oh, we missed the drop-off, did we? (Unbuckles his seatbelt and locks all the door except his)

Techwagen's wife: Wait, John, what are you doing?!

John: Well, here's your f\*\*\*ing drop-off! (He leaps out of the flying car, causing the flying car to swerve out of control) Now how do you like that, ya bimbo?!

(Techwagen): But then I realized without a driver, the flying car is useless.

John: Oh, no. What have I done? I've killed my own wife! I CAN'T GO TO PRISON! (Runs off)

(Present day)

Techwagen: And so, I went to a witness protection program, and Johnathon Terwilliger was officially dead, and Techwagen was born.

SpongeBob: Wow... so, how did you come up with the name Techwagen?

Techwagen: I was good with machines before I was married, though I still work in my dad's parts shop on the side. But, Rage Rover is another story. (Max Rover and Reagan arrive)

Max Rover: SpongeBob, I wanted to apologize for today.

Reagan: Yeah, we talked it over and decided all that carnage was a problem on an educational level.

Max Rover: That's right, and I'm going to make it up to you, starting tomorrow.

SpongeBob: You are?

Max Rover: Absolutely. I'm going to teach you how to drive by myself so you can use today's knowledge to become a better driver. The longer you drive, the more experience you'll get, and the more points you earn to pass my patented "Anti-Rage-Rover" classes. So, what do you say?

SpongeBob: Well... if it means I don't have to endanger anyone else, I suppose I could stick around.

Max Rover: Excellent.

#### Crime Spree or Reckless Driving?

(the next morning...)

Bullman: All officer are on the lookout for suspicious activity, sir.

Chief Blood: Very good.

Bernadette: This doesn't make sense! Why would a street gang as dangerous as the Rage Rovers take SpongeBob under their wing?

Dominator: Maybe they have plans for him?

Bernadette: What? What makes you say that?

Dominator: Come on, you say how terrible he was at the DMV? Maybe the Rage Rovers saw his driving and--

Max the Rabbit: Wait a minute... Rage Rovers... like the Range Rover, the big Jeep! I just got it! (Laughs crazily, then he stops)

Dominator: Anyway, maybe they want to use his reckless driving as a weapon against the madness of road laws and busy traffic.

Sam: As someone who has known someone who is guilty of reckless driving, I wouldn't put it past them.

Max the Rabbit: Sheesh, you totally one car and bend one parking meter beyond repair, you never hear the end of it.

Officer Axel: Well, I don't know about weaponizing, but dispatch got a call about a reckless driver causing panic downtown.

Dominator: Well, to catch a reckless driver, you gotta think like a reckless driver.

Bernadette: Oh, no. No. No, NO, nonononono-- (cut to Dominator driving her car haphazardly down the road as the Desoto follows behind) AHHHHHH!!!

(Meanwhile...)

SpongeBob: (He's causing panic in residential areas with his driving) I'm driving, Mr. Rover! This is the one! This is the one! Come on, SpongeBob! Think! Think! Uhh... (destroys a skyscraper) Turn that way! Turn that way! D'oh! Turn that way! Right! Left! Oh no! No! I'm ready! I can do it! I can do it! [flies over a raised drawbridge and lands on the road]

Reagan: (now visibly scared) I've seen enough, SpongeBob! Pull over so we can evaluate you!

SpongeBob: Wait, I can do this, Mr. Rover! I can do this!

Reagan: Stay on the road, SpongeBob, stay on the road!

SpongeBob: Gotta pass the test! Gotta pass! (He smashes through various buildings and plows through a playground area, miraculously not harming any children)

Dominator: (She catches up with SpongeBob) United Universal Police, pull over, punks!

SpongeBob: Hey, it's Bernadette and Dominator! I wonder why they're following us! (popping sounds are heard) AHH! They're shooting at us! Is this part of the rest?!

Max the Rabbit: (The deSoto catches up, the engine sputtering) Freelance Police, pull over and come out with your hands up! (SpongeBob bum-rushes a tall parking garage and flies off the top floor, Reagan screaming all the way)

Reagan: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! WHERE DID IT ALL GO WRONG?!

(Present day)

Reagan: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (the car ends up crashing into an empty football field, where it crashes onto the seats, then tumbles until landing upside down on the field, and the three crawl out)

Max Rover: (he and Reagan groan) Are you two all right?

SpongeBob: That depends, did I pass?

Max Rover: That depends. Reagan, can I see you in the locker room for a second? (the two brothers walk away as Dominator, Bernadette, Sam and Max)

Sam: Fear not, citizen. You're safe now.

Bernadette: SpongeBob, are you all right? How many fingers am I holding up?

Dominator: You're not hurt, are ya?

SpongeBob: Nah, one of my better driving tests. Just waiting for my--

???: THAT IS THE LAST STRAW, REAGAN! (the group heads to the locker room and listen in on the conversation)

Max Rover: This is not working out! Having him around is not working out at all!

Reagan: Max, look--

Max Rover: That stupid retard is out of control!

Reagan: Okay, first of all, don't call him a retard.

Max Rover: He's terrible at everything except fast food.

Reagan: I know that!

Max Rover: But then you know what? It's not fair to him.

Reagan: Well, that's sort of a dick move.

Max Rover: Hiring him for his terrible driving is not fair to him.

Reagan: Max, if you want to kick him out, go ahead and kick him out. But don't pretend you're doing it for his benefit.

Max Rover: Don't you put that on me! He's leaving the group by choice. Not even by choice, he's leaving for his lack of criminal knowhow and more importantly, his lack of driving skills. It's just... You know, I feel like you and I have captured lightning in a bottle with our war on bad drivers...

Reagan: We have. Yes!

Max Rover: ...and he's just coming in, unscrewing the top, and letting it all out!

Reagan: Well, you are the one asset to our team. Just try not to go too harsh on the kid.

max Rover: (comes out) Oh, SpongeBob. I see your friends are here. Well, tell them they can take you straight home. Because you FAILED!

SpongeBob: I failed?

Max Rover: YES, YOU FAILED! You failed the test, you failed all my guidelines, you failed at listening to clear instructions, and you failed at everything except your so-called Krabby Patties! You're a bigger failure than all the students I've ever failed before, and I'm going to report your insane behavior to the highest authority in all of the United Universes, Senator Tricorn! In fact, as long as I'm under the employ of the United Universal Department of Motor Vehicles, I'll make sure you never come within a hundred miles of any motor vehicle ever again! (storms off as Reagan sheepishly exits)

Reagan: SpongeBob, your services will no longer be needed. (runs away)

Dominator: What the heck was that about? (SpongeBob bursts out crying)

Max: Oh, I can't stand to hear the poor guy suffer. (Pulls out a bag of earplugs) Earplugs, anyone?

### Chapter 4: The Final Rage-Filled Road Trip

(At the UUPD)

Officer Axel: (SpongeBob is still crying) WILL SOMEONE, PLEASE, SHUT HIM UP?! WE HAVE TO INTERROGATE HIM!

Dominator: I GET THAT HE'S HAD A BAD DAY, BUT HE'S BEEN GOING AT IT FOR A FEW HOURS!

Max: Thank God I can tolerate seeing a grown man-child cry!

Bernadette: SpongeBob, calm down! It's going to be all right! YOU'RE DEHYDRATING! (SpongeBob stops crying)

Officer Axel: (sighs) It's about time.

Bullman: Now, Mr... Squarepants, is it? I need you to stay calm and tell everything you know about your time with the Rage Rovers. Can you do that, son?

SpongeBob: Yeah... I'll do my... best.

Bullman: Tell us how you come across them.

SpongeBob Well, it all started when I was waiting outside the DMV, when this nice dog man walked up to me and offered me a chance to get my license. Then he led me to the rage Rovers, who offered me a membership if I helped them... get rid of bad traffic.

Sam: I think we get the picture from here, little buddy.

Dominator: Yeah, but why would a street gang go to extreme measures over stupid traffic?

???: Because it's what their leader wants. (Chief Blood rolls in)

Chief Blood: Tell me, did you happen to meet their leader?

SpongeBob: Well, they were led by two brothers named Max and Reagan Rover. They both seemed to have equal amounts of authority.

Chief Blood: Max is the true leader, and the original Rage Rover. "Maniac" Maximillian Rover was my first big bust.

(Flashback)

(Chief Blood): It was a Jewish holiday. Everything was quiet when traffic cameras caught an image of a vehicle that had been modified, like something out of them mad Max movies.

(Dominator): That's what I said!

(Chief Blood): Anyway, at first, we thought it was photoshopped, but one photo had a clear image of the license plate number on it. We traced it back to his house, and we set up a perimeter. I pulled him over on his morning shift, I asked him about the car, he told me it was a friend's and that he modified it for him and drove off. We set up a barricade and tried to cut him off before he could get to the highway, but then... (Max's modified car crashes into the barricade, and car parts were flying everywhere) The crash left me crippled, broke Max's arm, took his foot, injured two of my cop buddies, and killed my chief.

Young Max Rover: (He's lying on the pavement and looks at the carnage) Wha... what happened?!

Officer Blood: (Dubbed as Joe) You just ran over three cops, you bastard! I don't know what you've done to that thing, but I'm impounding it!

Young Max Rover: You'll have to drive after it first! (they crawl toward his modified car, but Blood was fast enough, and Young Max Rover reached for the car door) AGGH! WHAT?! (It turned out he was handcuffed as backup came and took them away as the modified car exploded, with the cops not looking back)

(End flashback)

Chief Blood: Max could've gotten the chair that week, but before that happened, an anonymous donor bailed him out. The last time I saw him, he was working the DMV, setting strict rules for his tests and failed everyone he deemed unfit for a license. Once he harshly failed a student just for failing to stop at a stop sign.

SpongeBob: Oh, man...

Max the Rabbit: Oh, sure, when criminals do it, it's fine. When police do it, it's fine.

Sam: Yeah, if that doesn't spell criminal, I don't know what does.

SpongeBob: Don't worry, guys, I regret everything I did for those guys.

Bullman: Do you happen to know where their hiding place is?

(At the Rage Rover's hideout)

Max Rover: (He's seen talking on the phone) It's me, Max Maniac.

???: YOU IDIOT! I heard you fired your latest member!

Max Rover: Well, yes, Don Mastiff, I fired him, but--

(Don Mastiff): Well, what'd you fire him for?! I hear about all that carnage, and you fire him?! Explain to me how you came to the conclusion that wasn't a permanent member of YOUR gang!

Max Rover: Well, he seemed like a decent prospect at the time, Boss, but it turned out to be a TDFOG.

(Don Mastiff): ...what?

Max Rover: It means too dangerous for his own good.

Reagan: (shouts into the phone) It was SpongeBob Squarepants! He joined us on the pretext that we get him a license! We had no idea of the horror! The property damage alone could bankrupt us in an instant!

(Don Mastiff): Mrs. Puff's Failure Student? He failed that boating test over a million times. THAT'S STILL NO EXCUSE! Max, I bail you out, clean you up, tell you what's what, then leave you to your own devices, only to let me down by saying you couldn't weaponize the EPITOME OF VEHICULAR MANSLAUGHTER?! UNBELIEVEABLE! Now you perk up those ears, and perk 'em good. Someone is planning a hit on that sponge, and I want you on your way to Titan's caves as soon as one of us hangs up the phone. All you BITCHES better drag your--

???: UUPD, PTE, AND FP! DON'T MAKE A MOVE! (Max and Reagan see the heroes holding the rage Rovers at gunpoint)

(Don Mastiff): All right, that's it! You two are fired! And on top of that, the two of you are gonna have to start-- (Max Rover hangs up the phone)

Max Rover: Amos Blood. The hound that put me in the pound. We meet again.

Chief Blood: Wish I could savor the reunion. I'm here to take you in, like I should've done long ago.

Bullman: Even though I'm pretty sure that's what he did. You were even supposed to get the death sentence.

Max Rover: The Big Dog made the warden an offer he couldn't refuse, got my sentence changed to community service.

Chief Blood: So, Don Mastiff is still gettin' work, huh?

Reagan: yeah, but we have to start paying him protection, so-- (Techwagen runs in)

Techwagen: Boss, it's ready!

Max Rover: Good. Boys, fetch! (the Rat Dog Pack ambush the gang)

Dominator: After them!

Frozen Kids Treat Man: (Blocks the heroes' path) Time to turn that sponge in his own frozen treat!

SpongeBob: Oh, no!

Dominator: You want a frozen treat?! I'll give you a frozen treat! (Freezes him in a block of ice, and only his head is exposed) He won't stay frozen for long.

Max Rover: And you won't stay alive for long! (presses a detonator and drives off in a modified Motor Destroyer)

Officer: What is that?

Frozen Kids Treat Man: It's a bomb!

Officer Axel: We gotta get outta here! (they all run out of the warehouse before it explodes)

Sam: Well, we managed to apprehend the Rage Rovers.

Max the Rabbit: yeah, but their boss is still on the loose. (they hear large stomping and they look to see a huge robot marching toward the highway.)

SpongeBob: That must be the thing they were working on!

Bullman: Even the entire UUPD can't take on that thing!

Dominator: No, but I bet Dom, Bern and Sponge can!

Bernadette: But how are we gonna beat them when we get there?

Dominator: Leave that to me.

(At the highway, the giant robot is picking up cars with giant claws, dumping out the drivers and passengers and destroying the cars themselves in car-crushing machine)

Reagan: I'm glad that you're sparing the drivers and just trashing the cars.

Max Rover: Hey, I may hate bad drivers, but I gotta have SOME shred of humanity. (Suddenly the machine jostles)

Techwagen: Proximity alert?! (the cameras reveal SpongeBob is driving the DeSoto into the legs, threatening to knock it off balance)

Max Rover: What?! That's impossible! He doesn't even have a-- (Suddenly, Dominator crashes through)

Dominator: (armored voice) **I'm so cool!**

Bernadette: (Flies in with her Keyblade Glider) I think you mean *we're* so cool.

Dominator: (powers down) Way to ruin the moment, Bern.

Max Rover: You'll never take us ali--

(Sudden cut)

Bullman: Take 'em away, Mulligan... for good this time!

Reagan: I'm innocent, I tell you! It was all my brother's idea! can you blame him if he wanted the bad drivers to go away?!

Max the Rabbit: I don't know if I can.

Max Rover: I would've pulled it off, too, if it wasn't for the UUPD's meddling around! (the prison car drives away with the Rage Rovers)

Chief Blood: Guess that means I can finally rest easy, now that the Rage Rovers are in jail.

Bullman: This was a great crime bust, Chief. Permission to drive you home to your wife?

Chief Blood: Permission granted... (throws his chief hat on one of Bullman's horns) *Chief* Bullman.

Bullman: Chief...? Oh, Amos! (Hugs Chief Blood, then a crack is heard) Sorry!

Chief Blood: Officer Wattson, for my last order, Bullman's your superior now, so what he says goes.

Officer Axel: Yes, sir.

Bullman: (Puts the chief's hat on and salutes) I won't let you down, sir.

Sam: Another job well done.

Max the rabbit: yeah, though I would've liked a bit more carnage. (a nearby pay phone rings)

Sam and Max: I GOT IT, I GOT IT, I GOT IT, I GOT IT, I GOT IT! (Sam gets it)

Sam: Hello? Yes? Hai? Oui? Si? Da? Ja? Nein! Nyet! Non! No! Wait, yes? Great tap-dancing tabby cats two-timing a cross-eyed calico with a pernicious princess with a penchant for animalistic aggravation! We're on our way! (Hangs up) That was the commissioner, Max.

Max the Rabbit: Commissioner Quidilin wants us to do another job?

Sam: Nope, it was our commissioner. Guess it's back to business as usual.

Max the Rabbit: It's about time. (the Desoto drives off)

Dominator: Guess that wraps up this adventure. A little bit shorter than I'd like, and I would've liked to have been more involved, but with budget cuts like this, what are you gonna do?

Bernadette: You got that right, Dom. What do you say we meet up with the others and see what awaits us next?

Dominator: yeah! But first, let's drop SpongeBob off for some of those Krabby Patties.

Bernadette: And this time, I'M driving. (All three of them laugh)

## Epilogue

(At the Krusty Krab...)

Dominator: (She's seen tearing into a Krabby Patty as the other PTE eat with her) MMMM-MMMMM! No wonder Plankton wanted to take over the world with Krabby Patties! These, things, are, so, good!

Buttercup: Real shame that the people here are addicted to them.

Chowder: (Schnitzel is seen shovelling whole piles of Krabby Patties into Chowder's mouth) Yeah, I could come back for a while!

Bernadette: Hey, SpongeBob, are you sure you don't want me to teach you to drive more carefully?

SpongeBob: Are you kidding? Mrs. Puff is the only driving teacher for me. Besides, the UUPD has agreed to drop the charges against me, if I do them a favor.

Dominator: And what's that?

SpongeBob: A year of driving lessons!

Mrs. puff: (overhearing the conversation) (quietly) Hmm, maybe those Rage Rovers aren't so bad after all.

Amethyst: Yo, SpongeBob, another big order, to go! (a gigantic envelope drops into the Krusty Krab) That's a big to-go bag.

Chowder: Wait. I recognize this.

Mung Daal: What's the Postal Beast doing all the way from Marzipan?

Postal beast: Well, I got a promotion delivering mail for UUPS. I only deliver the big mail, and you know what that means.

Steven: Uh... big mail means... (gasps) Big news!

Postal beast: You know it, Steven! See ya! (walks off)

Bernadette: Let me take a look. (reads the giant letter) "Punch Time Exploders, you are cordially invited to oversee production of the first Punch Time Exploders movie."

Darwin: Wait... one of our adventures is going to be a movie? We better order tickets in advance!

Pops: Good show, everyone! Jolly good show!

Bernadette: "The producer has approved of your movie pitch, and will agree to it if you help with a movie starring his favorite actress."

Bubbie: Well, I say we go for it!

K'nuckles: But we don't even know what adventure of ours they're adaptin'.

Chowder: (reads further) Wow, this IS big news! They're adapting our adventure with Shrek!

Dominator: What?! But Shrek's world is relatively obscure! Who would-- (realizes something as her pupils dilate) (View of the planet) WAAAANNNNNDEEEEEERRRRRRR!!!

Bernadette's Voice: (sighs) Cancel the to-go order.