281: yeah yeah yeah yeah

## Summary

Opo's companion reveals himself to be Raa, the real leader of the Sooty Gang. He utters a cryptic message about the four keys and hidden gods before killing himself. The hideout descends into total chaos and the party make a break for the exit.

## Synopsis

Opo's companion reveals that his name is Raa. Batthwack tries to calm him, but Raa screams *"You should kill me! I am the one in charge! Opo, he's nothing. He is nothing. I am the one leading. I got him hopped up on this mushroom and I make everyone crazy."* He says that the drugs don't work on him. Will casts *Detect Thoughts*, probing deep into Raa's mind, and finds it swirling chaotically.

Will learns that Raa was telling the truth. Opo wasn't really in charge. Raa and a couple of others had broken into the rowhouse where the party had found the entrance to the lair, thinking it was his own house. Exploring down into the pit he had found the mushroom attached to the key. The others with him succumbed to the mushroom's effects, suddenly knowing no boundaries and showing very chaotic behaviour. Raa liked this because his mind is broken in two. He feels like he inhabits two different worlds, forcing him to experience two different lives. Half the time he knows there isn't a dam, half the time he isn't even an ibish, he's a gnome. He couldn't handle the split in his mind and and it drove him insane. Raa founded the Sooty Gang and started dosing them with the mushroom's spores just to sow chaos.

The chaos of Raa's mind eventually settles into a repetitive mantra: *"End it. End me. End it. End me. End it. End me."* Fearing he may take his own life, Batthwack strikes Raa with his shield to knock him out, but he's too tough. Raa pulls out an orb and throws it to the ground, sending a dark black sphere of magical power exploding out from it, enveloping everyone and disintegrating him. Before his body is wholly consumed by the magic, Raa shouts out loud (not telepathically), *"Four keys for four keys! Four tied to hidden magic! Hidden gods! Four keys for four..."*

The party become aware of the sounds of increased chaos from above them and decide it's time to make their escape. Batthwack quickly runs over to upend the other brazier and Raphina helps. Rosco is busy getting re-acquainted with Rosco the dog. Will casts *Polymorph* to transform into a bear to help Batthwack and to everyone's surprise, the St Bernard also transforms into a bear and lumbers over to help. Between the three of them, it's easy work and the brazier goes tumbling over. Rosco is amazed at Will's ability to change into an animal and Raphina, unsure what the spell is really called, tells him it's name is *Poly-Will*. When she questions Rosco as to why he seems surprised by his own ability to cast magic, he quickly changes the subject.

Will, in bear form, makes a dash for the stairs. Still under the effects of the drug, Batthwack rashly attempts to jump onto Will's back, hoping for a free ride. Will, however, has other ideas. He turns and growls angrily at Batthwack, loses his footing and two tumble back to the floor. Will changes back into human form as Rosco shouts angrily at them, *"What do you guys think you're doing?"* While they're arguing, the St Bernard bear tells Raphina to hop onto its back and they slip up the stairs together unnoticed. Batthwack gets the hint and marches up the stairs, followed by Will. Rosco follows behind, making use of notches and grooves in the worm-hewn pit wall, overtaking the others. He mutters into his hand, *"Thanks, Rudy. You've always been good luck."*

The party arrive in the drum room, where they witness the gang members tearing everything apart. They're hitting each other with the drum mallets and the drums themselves, some people are still trying to drum, others are drumming on each other. Batthwack casts *Zone of Truth* causing everyone to burst into tears, allowing them to walk through unhindered. Batthwack places a hand on each person's shoulder as he walks by, and each one that he touches turns and begins calmly following them.

The next room is the gambling room, which again has descended into fighting. Will steps up this time, transforming his appearance into that of Opo. Seeing this, the fighting gang members begin to back away at first and then really start laying into each other in a bid to impress their leader, allowing the group to pass through.

## Quotes

* Add memorable quotes from the episode here!

## Trivia

* The episode title comes from repeated use of the phrase throughout the episode, for example, Eric said *"You need to tell me things you do mechanically to get out."* Adam: *"Are you going to pose any specific obstacles to us, or...?"* Eric: *"We'll get there! Right now you're just going up. Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah."* Adam: *"Okay."* Alex: *"Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah."* Eric: *"Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah."* Everybody: *"Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah."*
* https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/mammals/facts/sun-bear
* The Wordle word of the day on September 12th 2022 was ... not "anime"
* Wilson Phillips performing "Hold On" in *Bridesmaids*: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9S4sAUpkP9U
* The *Death to Smoochy* trailer: https://youtu.be/tX81TTs2poI
* The *Get Shorty* trailer: https://youtu.be/yNLaTtpovys
* This week's episode description describes the Pork Fried Dice wiki as: jubilant.

## Recap

*<Beep-bip-beep-bip-bip-beep>*

**Anchor Abby**: It's news at 11! The PFD Podcast Newscast! I'm your host: Abby. Tonight's story: A bizarre battle with a crazy crew and an assortment of animals in a wormhole den of iniquity. But first, Abby with sports.

**Sports Abby**: Thanks, Abby. Tonight Rosco the human put his mustard stains in the best possible light with an impressive display at the Annual D&D Dog Throw. If only it hadn't been for that ill-timed drop of mayonnaise that flew into his eye, Rosco dog Rosco would have done some very serious damage to Sanjay. Rosco is now a favourite for the Airborne Canine Classics tournament later this year. And now back to Abby with a report on local crime.

**Anchor Abby**: Thanks Abby. That was some dog toss! Six Rivers has seen an increase in pickpocketing in the recent weeks with the latest victim being a foul character by the name of Opo, who noticed that some suspicious purple soot and raw meat had been tampered with in his pocket. Gross! And if I had those things in my pocket, I would hope to the Lobster of Love that my pockets got picked. The only clue Opo would provide was that his alleged pickpocketer was rambling about Savnok. Hmm. And now to Abby with an agricultural report.

**Reporter Abby**: Thanks Abby. Raphina "The Worm Whisperer" Phalangepot tells us that she was able to summon Steed Corral for the first time ever. Here at the PFD Podcast Newscast we can bring you an exclusive interview with Raphina. Thanks for being here, Raphina! Tell us all about it.

**Raphina**: Well, I'll tell you I wasn't sure it would work, but I didn't think it would work actually but I had to believe it would work or else it would definitely not work. And guess what? It worked! Only it didn't work for very long. But the biggest surprise was that I could actually talk with Steed. I didn't see that one coming. Even with my whole *Talk with Animals* spell and my special animal wand / sewing needle.

**Reporter Abby**: Raphina, that's amazing.

**Raphina**: I know Abby, right? Well, I gotta dash! This battle ain't gunna win itself!

**Reporter Abby**: Well, thanks, Raphina.

**Raphina**: You're welcome, Abby.

**Reporter Abby**: Okay, now it is back to Abby with our main headline for tonight: that intense conflict. Oh! But wait! I'm getting a message that we have a new and urgent sports report that we forgot to give you before! Turning to you Abby with the latest on the Batthwack-athon.

**Sports Abby**: Well Abby, Batthwack was in rare form tonight when out of nowhere he crushed the discus in the brazier event. And not only that, instead of throwing a discus he sent Opo flying right into it. Such an inspired move. But we are waiting to hear from the judges whether this discus replacement will be accepted. I say give the man whatever he wants as long as he doesn't throw me into any braziers. Ah-hahahaha! The brazier itself spat out a flail, which is also under investigation. We will keep you posted, Abby.

**Anchor Abby**: Thanks, Abby. Much appreciated. Now, back to our main story right after this commercial break.

**Voiceover Abby**: Does your quarter staff lack a certain oomph? Do you wish you could enhance your quarter staff performance? Now from Acme, new Ooh La La Shillelagh! You'll be the belle of the battle. Results may vary depending on your role and how grumpy the DM is.

**Anchor Abby**: Welcome back to the PFD podcast newscast. I'm Abby. Tonight's big stories, the wackadoodle battle between our heroes and a ragtag assortment of baddies. More on this right after a segment from our series on controversial fungal sedatives found on the streets of Tivoli. Our head investigator Abby will focus tonight on the lamplight mushroom. Take it away, Abby.

*<Snoring>*

**Anchor Abby**: I guess Abby didn't really follow the correct procedure in the William Pompion guidebook to proper drug handling. She really should have poured the ink and/or hair oil on it and covered it with *Cloak of the Bat* faster. Oh! Ladies and gentlemen, please stand by. I've just been given a special bulletin. It's a public safety alert regarding that place with all those braziers and bad guys and stuff. If you are in the brazier area, do not breathe in! Apparently Rosco the human had accidentally cast a deliciously-scented lavender poisoned gas in the throes of battle. Oh! Ladies and gentlemen, now I've just been handled another update! Nevermind. The poison gas didn't actually work. Now to our battle correspondent, Abby, with an update on your favourite sneaky conflict avoider and mine: Will Pompion.

**Battle Correspondent Abby**: Thanks, Abby. When last seen, Will was teleporting all over the place trying to get some important key but you really have to keep an eye on him because once in a while he seems to sort of blink out of existence and reappear just a little ways away in a very un-*Dimension Door* like fashion. Our war historians are scratching their heads about this one. It's a puzzling phenomenon and Will himself seems unsure what's happening. It's not one thing it's another in this cuckoo world I tell you. Also disturbing his usual graceful aplomb is the fact that some henchmen just electrocuted Sanjay and asked for his, the henchmen's, own head to be cut off. Whatever will Will do?! Back to you, Abby.

**Anchor Abby**: Thanks, Abby. Well, we've run out of time to give you any more news about that fierce battle in which our party is engaged. But tune in tomorrow for a retrospective on what is sure to be a shocking end. Stay tuned for *Cooking with the Phalangepots* where Raphina will teach you how to make a BLT the likes of which you've never experienced. Here's a hint, the B stands for banishment... and bacon! Goodbye!

## Gallery

*Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice*

## References

1. ↑ See episode 280: Intestines Gloobing Everywhere
2. ↑ Adam clarified when Rosco had retrieved Rudy from Rosco dog: *"Whether or not I said it in the last session, let's just make it that at one point he took something off of Rosco's collar, like it's connected to his collar."*
3. ↑ See episodes 276: Hand-Back-Wrench and 277: Your Marriage Is a Win-Win for Me
4. ↑ The sudden effect of the *Zone of Truth* spell is very similar to when Batthwack used it to break up the brawls in fighting room. See episode 276: Hand-Back-Wrench.