Guestward Ho!

**Guestward Ho!** was one of the now-lost MTV website 'flipbooks', listing some of the tertiary characters:

* ARNO THE BALLONIST—He is not a hoppy thing! He is not Swedish! He is not Norwegian! He's from Denmark and don't you forget it! Oh, yeah, he's the balloonist in "Of Human Bonding."

* BRAD AND BRETT—These carriers of the dreaded Ruttheimer gene (they're Upchuck's cousins) make a valiant attempt to pick up Daria and Jane in the bleachers of the "Daria Dance Party." Thank the dating gods the girls found out in time.

* JORDANA—In "The Daria Hunter," this deluded dame runs a tourist trap and is obsessed with the Great White Shark. Are her amazing adventures a Great White Lie?

* LUHRMAN—This deadpan dreamboat was Daria's date for her cousin Erin's wedding. Did she miss the boat? Was Luhrman really the perfect man for her? We say "no" and forever hold our peace.

* DAVID SORENSON—In Is It Fall Yet? Quinn whiles away her afternoons live with her tutor, David Sorenson. So how appropriate that TRL-meister Carson Daly provided his voice.

* AXL—He's the tattoo parlor proprietor whose two-for-one special prompted Daria to violate her navel in "Pierce Me." Well, maybe Trent's eyes had something to do with it. Additional trivia: He charged eleven bucks.

* TRICIA AND TAD GUPTY—Daria de-programs these well-behaved tykes in "Pinch Sitter." They're based on real kids writer Anne D. Bernstein used to baby-sit for. The only snack food in the house was unsalted sunflower seeds.

* BING AND THE SPATULA MAN—Dan Vebber created these radio mock jocks for "Jake of Hearts." He says they're based on Buck and O'Connor, who had a morning show on Z-95, a rock station in Milwaukee, in the early 1980s.

* THE CHEESE LADY—In "Mart of Darkness," this poor soul has to defend her calcium-rich wares from the likes of both Mr. DeMartino and Mrs. Johanssen. A sharpened toothpick proved useless.

* ALISON—She was Jane's bisexual art colony pal in Is It Fall Yet? Jane was struck dumb, Allison struck out, and singer Bif Naked struck a chord when she provided the sultry voice.

* BROOKE—She almost made it into the Fashion Club in "Too Cute" after having fat sucked out of her butt and injected into her lips. But then there was that unfortunate nasal relapse.

* GENERAL BUCK CONROY—He was the ultra-mercenary big mouth who marched into "This Year's Model." Still not half as scary as Romanica.

* VAL—The hip magazine editor from "The Lost Girls" doesn't look a day over how old she was 10 years ago. Reminiscent of a real-life editor who named a magazine and a talk show after herself. (But her name has four letters, so it's so totally not her!)

* DANIEL DOTSON—While looking over his lines as the opportunistic artist in "Is It Fall Yet?," Foo Fighters' David Grohl exclaimed, "God, I'm such a sleaze!" We think he was talking about the character.

* MINSTREL JOCK—Sure, he only has one line in "Fair Enough," but he's a minstrel jock! What more could you ask for?

* DOCTOR SHAR—The surgically enhanced plastic surgeon from "Too Cute." Gee, it's hard to depict cosmetic surgery in a cartoon character. That must be why Courtney Love hasn't guested on "Cat Dog."

* LINK—The disgruntled camper from Is It Fall Yet? Oh, grow up, you're on TV."