1046/Benefit of the Doubt

Cast of Characters: | Blurr, 12

**Blurr has posed:**
    For whatever reason, Blurr has been allowing Glyph to hang around his apartment. Well maybe it's partly because the mech just won't go away. But maybe it's also because he's starting to admit to himself that maybe Glyph actually cares, a lot.

    Maybe.

    Tonight, when the speedster returns to his flat, he looks especially sullen and dejected--even moreso than in the past few megacycles, which is saying something.

**Koinonia (12) has posed:**
Glyph is waiting on Blurr's front porch, reading some archives on antiquated Neo-Cybex and the forgery of language artifacts. He smiles when the blue speedster returns. "Hey Blurr, you up for a drink? I was just thinking of trying that new dive bar just around the corner."

**Blurr has posed:**
    Blurr ignores him at first, but stops at the door to the complex. "I just went to a bar earlier, actually. I think I've had enough for an entire vorn." he mutters morosely, and continues inside. If Glyph is going to insist on hanging around, he'd better just go up to the apartment.

**Koinonia (12) has posed:**
Glyph doesn't seem at all surprised by Blurr's refusal. He shrugs, and sub spacing the datapads he was reading earlier, follows Blurr inside his penthouse. "Heh," Glyph says, "I know the feeling." He pauses. "So what were you planning to do tonight then, anyway? Stay to yourself?"

**Blurr has posed:**
    Blurr doesn't say anything immediately, as the two of them go up the top floor where the unit is. The doors retract and he walks over to the windows that look out over Iacon, standing there for a few moments in silence.

    "So, Glyph," he starts to say finally, without really looking at him. "When you were...you know, feeling like life wasn't worth it any more--how were you gonna do it? Overdose? Fall? Die in battle?"

**Koinonia (12) has posed:**
Glyph's brow ridges furrow and he reaches forward and takes Blurr's hand firmly, looking worried. "If you're looking for advice, you're asking the wrong person, Blurr. I didn't actually go through with it, obviously. And I'm glad I didn't." He sighs.

 "Look.. I don't want to say that at this point, I'm trying to convince you that people do appreciate what you do. We're both past that. But you're smart enough to know that people don't always say what they mean, or know how to voice what they truly feel. Hell, if they did, we might not even be fighting this war."

 "Are you willing to give up on the chance that tomorrow could be worlds better? Neither you or I can predict the future, Blurr." A pause. "And a trip to the New Institute isn't going to fix your problems. How can you be sure that even if they do 'fix' you, three vorns from now, you won't be in the exact same situation?"

**Blurr has posed:**
    Blurr shrugs, pulling his hand away from Glyph's. "Hey, I just wondering, that's all." he says dismissively, then sighs. "...if you were afraid of the pain, or--if you wanted to feel nothing. Besides, even if I tried, they wouldn't let me, you know that."

    He folds his arms and turns around, leaning on the glass a bit. "I've been holding on to the chance for a long time already. I'm tired of waiting." The speedster looks away again. "Hmph, well at least it would fix it for now, and if the same thing happens again, then I'll just do it again. Same old cycle like always. Just like what'll probably happen if this war ever ends. The same slag will just happen all over again."

**Koinonia (12) has posed:**
Glyph sighs. "To be honest, I didn't really think about it. I was ... too depressed to really worry about how painful it would be," he says. The minibot shakes his helm. "I mean, I guess, but that doesn't stop me from worrying about you, or you from trying."

 "Okay, I get it, I know you're not one for waiting. But are you really okay with throwing that chance away?" Glyph steps towards the speedster again, looking even more concerned. "I don't know if you're right about the war. Maybe you are. But you aren't the time space continuum, Blurr. There's only so many times you can reprogram yourself before you're basically a drone. Don't believe me? I'll show you the research."

**Blurr has posed:**
    Blurr groans and slides down the glass into a sitting position on the floor. "Everyone else has thrown it away, so what's the -point-?!" he exclaims. "And yes, -even- Swivel." he shakes his head. "I don't know what's up with her any more. She keeps saying one thing, acting like she hasn't lost faith, but then saying she has and I've passed her limits. I don't -want- to believe she's toying with me, but honestly I don't know how -else- to explain her behavior."

    He shrugs at the last comment about becoming a drone. "Isn't that what I am, anyway? What I'm meant to be and what I've always -been-? If that's true, then I'm already a drone, anyway. You should've seen how many times I got 're-conditioned', before."

**Koinonia (12) has posed:**
"Females are complicated," Glyph offers to Blurr almost immediately. "I wouldn't attempt to understand her. But just because you don't doesn't mean she doesn't care, or doesn't value or appreciate how far you've come. I don't think she's toying with you. I think, instead, that she just has issues expressing herself emotionally, or doesn't even understand her own feelings, which is typical of most fems."

 Glyph frowns. "No, Blurr. If you were a drone, you would have never gotten to exercise the freedom of choice to become an Autobot. Believe it or not, but your ability to choose has saved countless lives."

**Blurr has posed:**
    "Yeah, she said she appreciated it, but then she turned around and said I'd gone too far." Blurr points out. "Look, I'm tired of giving people the benefit of the doubt, when they have never done the same for me. If she doesn't understand her own feelings, then--" he sighs again. "Whatever...it doesn't matter anyway. She already said I've passed her limits, so I won't be seeing her any more."

    He shakes his head. "If only you knew." Another shrug. "Fine, whatever you say, I guess. But honestly I couldn't care less. At least drones don't have to worry about this whole 'relating to other people' thing. They just do what they're told, and that's it. Frag, sometimes I wish life were -that- simple."

**Koinonia (12) has posed:**
"You don't have to think of it that way," Glyph insists, shaking his helm. "If she didn't care, if she didn't think you'd made any progress at all, would she even comment? The answer to that question is 'no.' She wouldn't even attempt to be your friend anymore, or even bother to ask you to be different."

 "Alright, I guess I can't tell you not to give up on Swivel, but I don't think you realize how many other people care about your well being, and appreciate you. Like I said before, it isn't always easy to say how you feel." Glyph shrugs. "Sure, but would the trade off is that you'd never feel happiness. Everything good you've ever experienced, would you gladly throw it all away to erase being able to feel pain?"

 He sits down next to Blurr. "What you want, is not always what you need, Blurr. And what you need right now is to persist, Blurr. To not give up. I'm not asking you to give people the benefit of the doubt. All I'm asking is that you try to see the good in other people. To recognize that they're trying, even if it doesn't come out right at times. Sometimes you need to just take a good deed at face value. If someone asks how you are, take it to mean that they actually want to know how you are. And in times like these, that type of concern can be equated with kindness."

**Blurr has posed:**
    Blurr scoffs. "Isn't that what I was just asking? Why the slag would she say that, only to turn around the throw it back in my face, telling me that I've gone too far? That I've filled her quota of wrong things? Other than she way just toying with me, and has been for Primus knows how long? I can't trust her any more, Glyph." he stands up and stares out the window again. "And right now I'd give up anything for this all to be -over-." he says bitterly.

    "I thought, for the longest time, that if I just kept working at trying to make people happy, or at respecting them or caring about them or whatever you want to call it, one day Swivel wouldn't be the only person who could keep believing in me. One day, I'd be good enough for her, and for everyone. Good enough not to be called an aft or a glitchead any more. Good enough that if I slipped up a bit, no one would write me off as a jerk. I'd be given the benefit of the doubt." he pauses.

    "But -no-, that day never came, and I doubt it ever -will-. Because as you say, even if I did, no one would even -know- how to express it."

**Koinonia (12) has posed:**
"So? Just because they can't express it doesn't invalidate their feelings or beliefs. It's still there, just muddied. Even if they can't verbally tell you, it still matters. If all we do is wait and hope for people tell us the exact words we've been waiting to hear all our lives, then I'm sorry, you're going to be disappointed. No one is a total mind reader, Blurr. It's time to start reading between the lines and getting better at understanding what people are really trying to express. Then maybe you'll find the affirmations you're looking for."

 "I would have suggested that you simply tell them what you're looking for as far as being seen and heard, but I guess I just assumed you already did that and they still didn't know how to properly appreciate you."

 He folds his arms. "It already has, Blurr. I'm expressing concern for you, by being here, and not leaving, regardless of what you say or do. Honestly, isn't that how maintaining relationships goes? Remaining steadfast, despite the other person insisting on their own way?"

**Blurr has posed:**
    "You say that, because you haven't seen how they've been treating me lately." Blurr replies. "And like I said, why the slag should I give -them- the benefit of the doubt, if they won't give me the same? Why should -I- try to be a mind reader, if no one else will do the same for me, either?"

    He sighs. "Listen, I appreciate your efforts, okay? If it makes you feel better, then fine hang around all you want. But you don't know me. You really don't."

**Koinonia (12) has posed:**
"I'm not asking you to do that," Glyph says, frowning. "What I'm saying is that you can learn to understand them better, and then you won't have any doubt left in your mind, as to whether they're sincerely appreciating you, or not. And my guess is that they do, it just doesn't come across in the way you were hoping for."

 "I'm not claiming to know you, Blurr. I'm just trying to avoid making you into another regret."

**Blurr has posed:**
    "In other words, try to be a mind reader." Blurr retorts. "And again, if you'd seen the way they've been treating me, you wouldn't say that so fast."

    He touches the control panel near the sliding glass doors, and they retract as he steps out onto the balcony. "Look, stop trying to blame this on yourself. I -told- you, it wasn't your fault. There's no way you could've possibly known what you were walking into. -Swivel- knew. But whatever, that was just a stupid misunderstanding that happened to cause her to show some of her -actual- feelings."

**Koinonia (12) has posed:**
"No," Glyph replies quickly, "I said no one is a mind reader - but you can derive meaning from context. For example, when you asked what my thoughts were right before I considered committing suicide, I knew you were thinking about giving the New Institute an excuse to reprogram you. And even though you didn't say that, I knew what you meant when you asked me that question."

 "..." He doesn't reply to Blurr's comment about it being his fault. "And how do you know your assumption is right? Simply because you /feel/ that way? Where's your proof, that she felt like this all along?"

**Blurr has posed:**
    "Because she said it and she drove off! She said she was going to say her piece and leave, and that's exactly what she -did-!" Blurr insists.

    He frowns at the mention of the suicide questions, turning around and backing away onto the balcony. "I--thought things would get better--but I'm just so tired of false hope letting me down over and over again, tired of trying to please people who want nothing more than to condemn me, tired of caring about having their respect!" As he is speaking, he is backpedaling further out, closer to the edge of the platform.

    "Glyph, this isn't your fault..." Suddenly, the glass doors to the balcony slide shut in front of Glyph and click as they lock...

**Koinonia (12) has posed:**
"That isn't proof," Glyph says, his lips pressed into a thin line as he shakes his helm. "She could have meant momentarily, or simply that she needed space, who knows. Maybe if you could learn to read people better, you wouldn't be stuck thinking you had to give her the benefit of the doubt. I'm sure you could, Blurr. You're good doing... well, anything, fast."

 "Is that what you really think I'm trying to do?" the blue minibot says tiredly, starting to sound frustrated. "You accuse people of treating you like scrap, but you're doing the exact same thing to me right now."

 Glyph's faceplates fall, and he immediately takes out his blaster. "Dammit!" he cries, attempting to break the glass before Blurr can jump.

**Blurr has posed:**
    "That's exactly what Swivel said." Blurr sighs, stepping up to stand on top of the railing, but still facing Glyph.

    "And you're both right...
    Goodbye, Glyph."

    The glass shatters when the minibot shoots it, the blast immediately blowing a large hole in it. But by the time he reaches the edge, the speedster has already fallen backward over it. The maze of streets, traffic, and buildings below make it impossible to see where he's even gone, at least not from here.