Speaker's Chair (1978)

The **Borrowing of The Speaker's Chair** was a STUNT performed in 1978 by UBC Engineers in which the Speaker's Chair was borrowed.

## Background

The Legislative Assembly of British Columbia is the council assembly of the Parliament of British Columbia. They meet in The Legislative Chamber in the Victoria Parliament Buildings.

The Speaker is an MLA elected to preside over debates and make sure the Assembly follows established rules of behaviour and procedure. The Speaker is elected by a secret ballot by all Members of the Legislative Assembly at the opening of a new parliament.

In recognition of the Speaker’s authority, this impressive chair is located on a raised platform at the south end of the Chamber.​ It is flanked by the flags of Canada and British Columbia and is illuminated by two large wrought iron lanterns on each side of a wooden canopy.

## The Story

(Adapted from an article in FRED from November 17, 1982)

The main characters involved in this caper are a self-styled little group who refer to themselves as the Anonamoose SWAT Team. This is actually a gang of three former EUS quarter-masters (a little-heralded position whose duties include the procurement of services and supplies as required): Cuss "Russ" Ringworm. "Pete" the Smeltch, and Mad Dog 'Kelly".

Sources generally credit Bill Kennedy as the inspiration who, during a night of endless suds, first laid the seed of an idea in Mad Dog's rapidly deteriorating brain. In the hangover that followed, Mad Dog brought the concept to his pals, who agreed that the Legislature would be a pushover.

It was soon after that Cuss, who had spent his childhood roaming the streets of Victoria, decided that he should spend more time with his family back home. And while he was there, he began to take an interest in our parliamentary system.

Accompanied by an old school-mate known as "Grog", Cuss went on a guided tour through the Legislature buildings. As the gaggle of tourists passed by the five foot high wrought iron gates which guard the way into the Assembly chambers, Cuss and Grog lingered behind to admire the view.

Cuss returned to Vancouver with some handsome photographs and the exact dimensions (26" x 30" x 72") of the Speaker's chair. He had also enlisted the aid of another old friend named Richard (who would become a UBC engineer the following year), who had once worked as a page within the Legislative Assembly, and provided a rough sketch of the building's layout.

Mad Dog, Cuss, and the Smeltch mulled over this material, and made their plans.

That year, 1978, Engineering Week occurred in mid January. On the Tuesday of that week (Jan.10), the 1:00 ferry sailed from Tsawwassen, bound for Victoria, with the Anonamoose SWAT Team on board. Our trio caught the afternoon tour through the Legislature, and checked out the view from one of the second-storey windows.

Night falls early in January, and by 6:30 p.m. the city was shrouded in darkness; a light snow was falling. Richard pulled his (actually his father's business's) red pick-up truck to a halt, about four blocks from the Legislature. Three darkly-clad figures jumped from the truck. All three wore surgical rubber gloves. They carried a variety of tools, a Polariod camera, and a small concrete cairn, all white with a red E on each face.

In ten minutes they were standing at the back of the Legislature. Before them was the construction scaffolding they had spotted that afternoon, from the window now directly above them.

The Smelteh went up first. He did not anticipate any problems in getting in the second-storey window, as he had the latch for that particular window in his pocket. But, just as he crawled in through the window, he heard the staccato click of stiletto heels on the stone floor.

The woman walked right on by, oblivious to the dark figure flattened against the wall, only a foot away. The Smeltch, who was glad he was wearing brown pants, signaled for the others to join him. Soon all three were on the main floor.

However, they found that all the rear entrances to the Assembly chambers were inaccessible. Now they were running out of time, since Richard had been told to take off with the truck if they did not return before 8:00. So, they went around to the front of the chambers, to the big wrought iron gates.

The gates were secured by a chain which gave way easily, but noisily. This brought a guard running up. Our heroes melded into the shadows, and the guard didn't notice anything.

Now our stalwart trio moved into the chambers. The cairn was placed on the Speaker's desk, and Cuss posed for a flash picture standing on the table, leaving footprints on the table. Just then, a janitor came by. Everyone dove for cover. He went past the front... He went down the side... He went across the front again... and finally he left. He noticed nothing.

It was now time to move the chair. It should have been easy. Cuss had estimated it weighed 100 lbs., and besides, it was on castors. As it turned out, Cuss's powers of estimation were not that remarkable (the chair weighed 192 lbs.), and nobody had oiled those castors in years. Needless to say, it was not easy.

They inched their way down the hallway, through two sets of doors, just narrowly missing another guard.

Now they were at the top of the stairs. A quick calculation on the sliderule (which doubled as a weapon) showed that they couldn't make it down through the narrow stairwell but they made it anyway, squeezing through on the round-off error.

Then it was quickly out through a construction door into the parking lot. It was 7:50 p.m. Cuss ran off to get Richard, leaving Mad Dog and the Smeltch to guard the chair.

Soon a guard emerged from the building. He strode across the parking lot, ignoring (how dumb are these guys?) the two men attempting to look innocent while trying to hide a large piece of antique furniture.

The snow had turned to rain, and the truck raised a spray as it pulled up beside the grateful pair. Soon the chair was loaded into the back of the truck and covered with plastic, and the truck was speeding off to Sidney.

Richard's parents didn't mind him storing his friends' old furniture in their garage. So they unloaded the chair, and the Anonamoose SWAT Team headed back to Vancouver on the last ferry.

The story broke the next day. The papers speculated that the intruders had repelled down into the chamber, onto the table, leaving footprints there. They claimed that the only way out that was big enough to accommodate the massive chair was through the front doors, and thus it must have been taken down the front steps. The media also stated that the entire incident had to have occurred around midnight because the security(?) was so tight. And they all named the UBC engineers as the prime suspects.

A few days later, a man, calling himself Vern Gentry, made a collect person-to-person call to Legislative Speaker Ed Smith. The caller demanded the return of the "truncated tetrahedron" that had been left at the scene of the crime, and a $1000 donation to the Children's Hospital. Mr. Smith showed very little humour.

Within the hour the dean of engineering received a call from the provincial government, and before the next hour was up, EUS president Joe Uyesugi was ushered into the dean's office. Joe confidently assured the dean that the engineers would leave no stone unturned until they found the chair.

Meanwhile, a heavily-laden station wagon made its way from the Tsawwassen ferry slip with a large bundle in the back.

On Thursday, January 19, Gordon Gibson, the provincial Liberal leader was giving a speech in SUB auditorium. Suddenly his audience swelled as more than 200 engineers entered, carrying the Speaker's chair, and chanting, "We found it. We found it." The chair was presented to Gibson, along with a request for a $1000 "finders' fee", to be paid to the Children's Hospital in the name of the late Jack Wasserman.

The next day a Loomis courier arrived at the dean's office with a package containing a small white cairn.

And so, the chair was returned to its rightful place, but not the same as when it left. For, if anyone were to look, they would find, inscribed on the bottom of the front cross-brace, the words "UBC ENGINEERS '78".