Having A Cow

## Author

Ozven

***Having A Cow*** was a book written by Ozven.

When Caleb applied for the open Loremaster position, the Priest of Eris AJ gave him the following writing prompt to judge his talents: *"WRITE ME A STORY ABOUT MY LOVE OF A SINGLE COW WHEN I WAS TRAPPED ON AN ISLAND!!!"* As a joke, Ozven chose to answer the prompt with *Having A Cow*.

# Content

After being adrift in the sea for many days, AJ landed on a densely forested island.

AJ had been stumbling around the the jungle for the better part of a day. The forest was nearly empty and it was getting dark. Tilting his head back and taking the last swig of water from his glass bottle and in doing so, noticed a cow staring at him demurely from the other side of a pond.

AJ looked around. No one in sight. He approached the cow. She looked good.... damn good. Loosening his belt and dropping his pants he staggered toward the beautiful bovine. The pants bunched around his ankles and fell on the ground.

He swore he heard the cow giggle when that happened. Slowly rising to his feet, he tried to gain a modicum of dignity and started shuffling toward her again, slowly now, little steps, as his pants were still bunched around his ankles.

He reached the shallow pond and gaited past towards the cow

The cow batted her eyes and gave him a little love peck on the top of his head.

AJ was hot for action.

AJ was well endowed, but the cow was over four feet tall and even standing on his tiptoes that distance would be too great to navigate. He would simply end up frustrated, with his wavering javelin harmlessly flailing the air.

AJ needed a dirt block.

The labored breathing of the cow sent him into a panic. She was obviously ready for action; her massive feet pawed the ground and great swirls of dust were kicked into the air. She let out a plaintive wailing sound, a sound that seemed to be saying, "Get a dirt block...quickly!"

And then he saw it, by the dandelion, a sturdy grainy dirt block. Pulling his pants up he raced to the pen to grab the ladder.

A crowd of ocelots were apparently caught up and the action and began to run and race around the branches of the trees over his head.
The chicken stopped its incessant swimming and sauntered to the edge of the pond and calmly sat down, apparently ready for the show.
By the time AJ got back to the cow, the entire jungle was in an uproar. Every animal was going crazy.

AJ positioned the dirt block and began to climb. Higher and higher he climbed. Closer and closer to his ultimate quest -- the penetration of a magnificent bovine.

And then shouts snapped him out of his romantic reverie.

"Hrrrn!" the voices said, "Hrrrrn hrrrrrtt murrrrt?"

AJ found himself surrounded by men in brown uniforms. The dreaded villagers.

They pulled him down from his lofty perch and started dragging him away. He remember looking back at the cow and seeing her head drop in a disconsolate manner. She shuffled away and at that moment AJ felt his heart breaking.

The poor bovine, AJ cried in his tantrum. So close to bliss and the cursed villagers had to have shattered his dream.

AJ is in jail now, and will be for awhile. Until they finish testing to see if he contracted cherpes.

And that is the tale of how AJ almost became one with a cow.