Space Plans

The Commander's ship has been stolen, so he needs to plan the production of a new ship. But how can he make the blueprints if he doesn't have any blue paper?? HOW'S HE GONNA GET OUTTA THIS ONE??

## Transcript

*(roll opening credits)*

*(cut to a scroll of paper in Commander's hand.}*

**COMMANDER:** Guess what's in my hand right now!

*{Zoom out to reveal Space Tree and Commander}*

**SPACE TREE:** Uh, I don't-

**COMMANDER:** C'mon, guess!

**SPACE TREE:** I don't really need to guess. I can see what it is. It's like a piece of paper.

**COMMANDER:** Well, you're supposed guess what's on th- Hey, wait a minute. I thought you couldn't see.

**SPACE TREE:** Just tell me what's on the paper.

**COMMANDER:** On this paper is the blueprints to my new command ship. Behold and look at them with the eyes you don't have!

*{Commander unravels the paper to reveal a crudely-drawn blockish building titled "The Command Center IV.0". The plan has labels from left to right pointing to a small ship shooting lasers (lazer repellant), a window (window), the bottom of the ship (escape hatch), a dome at the top of the ship (a dome or something), and the right side of the ship (cube-like).*

**SPACE TREE:** Uh, if they're blueprints, shouldn't they uh, be blue?

**COMMANDER:** Yeah, no kidding. Why don't you go to a friggin' art supply planet and get some blue paper for once?

**SPACE TREE:** Yeah, I'm gonna do it sometime.

**COMMANDER:** And do you know how hard it was just to find a pen here? I even started doing it in blood before I got all tired.

**SPACE TREE:** Well, my point is, why don't you just call them "plans"? I mean, that's what they are, right?

**COMMANDER:** FINE, then. "Ooh, look at my *plans*. Let's do everything the way Space Tree likes it to be said." More like... Semantics Tree...

**SPACE TREE:** What?

**COMMANDER:** That's your new name... now.

**SPACE TREE:** Look, call 'em blueprints. I don't care!

**COMMANDER:** No, we're doin' this right! Does that art supply planet actually exist?

**SPACE TREE:** Yeah.

**COMMANDER:** Well, then let's go there.

*(S to the Tree's ship flies, and lands, on the art supply planet, in doodle form)*

*(cut to non-doodle form; Semantics Tree and Commander are in a store with Tarmex (the employee) behind the counter)*

**COMMANDER:** Oh, *come on*! How could you not have any blue paper in this whole store?!

**TARMEX:** Well, we have a sale on "light purple" this week. That's similar to bl-

**COMMANDER:** Who the hell uses light purple? What, are you an idiot? What the hell's goin' on here?

**TARMEX:** ...Look, kid, do you have any idea how hard that stuff is to get? Since they outlawed slavery on this planet, we don't have anyone who's brave enough to go down into the blue paper mines and retrieve it.

**COMMANDER:** What the- Blue paper mines? Paper comes from trees, you crazy moron!

**SPACE TREE:** What?

**TARMEX:** Yeah, that's what you think. But have you seen any blue trees around?

**COMMANDER:** No, but I saw a blue dog on the way in here... It was pretty funny.

**SPACE TREE:** Wait a second- paper's made from trees?

**COMMANDER:** Yeah. Except for blue paper, apparently.

**SPACE TREE:** Uh, suddenly I don't feel to comfortable in this store. I'm gonna wait outside.

*(he exits)*

**COMMANDER:** Yeah, I'll just be a minute. *(to Tarmex)* So, you say there's blue paper underground, right?

**TARMEX:** Uh-huh.

**COMMANDER:'** Well, thanks for the tip... *(whips out a pickaxe)* SUCKER! HA HA! *(we hear him crash through the window)*

*(Tarmex (smiling) slides over to Tarbob in the back room)*

**TARMEX:** Hey, Tarbob, I just told that guy out there that blue paper is stored underground in blue paper mines.

**TARBOB:** Heh. And he believed you?

**TARMEX:** He totally believed me!

**TARBOB:** Heh. Humans believe anything. Remember that one guy? He kept talkin' about uh... *(clicks mouth)* what's it called...

**TARMEX:** Uh, God?

**TARBOB:** Yeah, that's it! God! *(laughs)*

**TARMEX:** Oh, yeah, that was one of the best ones...

*(both laugh, then sigh)*

**TARBOB:** Well, come on, let's get back to our fort.

*(they slide inside a fort made entirely of blue paper)*

**TARMEX:** I'm gonna make some tea if anyone wants some.

*(cut to a hole on the art supply planet)*

**COMMANDER:** Finally, I've struck gold! Blue paper gold.

*(Semantics Tree walks up to the hole)*

**SPACE TREE:** No way, lemme see!

*(cut to the Commander inside the hole, next to a treasure chest)*

**COMMANDER:** Hey, I've been digging for hours! There's gotta be some blue paper in this treasure chest!

**SPACE TREE:** Well, open it!

**COMMANDER:** I'm gonna be rich!

*(a fist punches him before he can open the chest)*

*(roll end credits)*

## Fun Facts

* The page title refers to an episode of Mr. Show, specifically, the "lie detector" sketch.