Bad and Boujee

*Todd plays the opening of "Bad and Boujee" on the piano.*

***MIGOS ft. LIL UZI VERT - BAD AND BOUJEE
A pop song review***

**Todd**: *[drawing it out]* IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII doooooooooooooooooooon't geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

*Video for "Bad and Boujee"*
**Offset**: My bitch is bad and boujee (bad)
Cookin' up dope with a uzi.
**Todd**: Am... Am-am I just an idiot?

**Todd (VO)**: The, this song, this one, is probably gonna be the biggest hip hop song of this year. It hit Number One back in the beginning of the year, and it's still in the Top Ten four months later, and...

**Todd**: ...what am I missing?? What am I missing here?!

**Todd (VO)**: This is "Bad and Boujee." It's by the rap group Migos. *[pic of them]* I assume they're called that because there's three of them?

*Clip from...*

**Three Amigos**: The Three Amigos!
**Todd**: I'll be honest, I don't really know that much about them. Apparently they... *[picture of a football player dabbing] ...*invented the dab?

*Clip of "Look at My Dab (Bitch Dab)"*

**Quavo**: Dab, dab, dab, dab...

**Todd (VO)**: Well, not invented it, but at least popularized it, so yeah, I guess that's a pretty big deal.

> **Quavo**: Look at my dab (bitch dab)
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> Look at my dab (bitch dab)
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> Look at my dab (bitch dab)
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> Look at my dab! (bitch dab)
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**Todd (VO)**: Yup, I'm looking at it. It's a dance, alright.
**Todd**: Yeah yeah yeah I know, I'm a terrible music critic who doesn't keep up with one of the most buzzed and influential hip hop groups of the last couple of years...well, here's the dark and dirty secret: I don't really enjoy much rap music anymore. It-it just makes me feel old.

> *Clip of Desiigner - "Panda"*
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**Todd (VO)**: And I'm not saying I don't listen to *any*new hip-hop, but I just can't get into most of it anymore. It makes me feel like a total loser that I don't get it anymore. I don't want to be...

**Todd**: ...that guy who's like, "why y'all listening to this meaningless bling and bitches crap when you should check out the new single from *[promo pic of...]*MC Wokeness. It's called '80 Minute Lecture About Systemic Racism in America', guys.".

*[shrugging]*I used to listen to the gangsta stuff, *[clip of...]* it's just the newer stuff I can't get into, it's just the sound. The trap stuff these days, it all just sounds like this low droning mumble. There's no swing in it, there's no energy, it doesn't move. It's just not fun anymore.

*[clip of Big Sean - Bounce Back]* It's making me grateful for any rapper left who stands out even a little. You know, I'm not huge on Big Sean or *[clip of...]* 2 Chainz, but at least they have a sense of humor. I'll take them, I'll even take Lil' Yachty.

> *[clip of Lil Yachty - 1 Night]*
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> **Lil Yachty:** I know you want this for life
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> Taking pictures with all my ice
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**Todd (V.O.):** I mean, I know he sounds like he just got out of dental surgery, but at least I can tell him apart from everyone else.

**Todd:** So, what's the deal here, what am I missing?

**Todd (V.O.):** What is it about this particular song that makes everyone like it so much that it went to number 1? *[Screenshot of Wikipedia page about Bad and Boujee being the soundtrack to a meme]* Oh, of course. Memes.

**Todd:** Nothing gets popular anymore because people actually like it. It's gotta be attached to some stupid in-joke. What's this one?

> **Offset:** Raindrop (drip), drop top (drop top)
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> Smokin' on cookie in the hotbox (cookie)
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> Fuckin' on your bitch, she a thot, thot (thot)
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> *[Screenshots of Twitter post refrencing Raindrop Drop Top: "please come home sharon i miss u a lot lot lot" "There's 38 cd's of kidz bop"]*
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**Todd:** Is that it?

> *[Screenshot of tweet: "I eat Jimmy John's nonstop"]*
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**Todd (V.O.):** Raindrop, drop top...

**Todd:** ...you just say the first lyric and add your own stupid rhyme?

**Todd (V.O.):** How is that a meme? I got "Black Beatles," the mannequin challenge was cool looking, and the beat for Black Beatles made for a great soundtrack. But this...is not interesting.

**Todd:** The lyric itself isn't even interesting.

> **Offset:** Raindrop (drip), drop top (drop top)
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**Todd (V.O.):** Raindrop, drop top...

**Todd:** And? What about them? Those are just random words!

**Todd (V.O.):** Those two things don't even go together unless... *[picture of convertible in rain with an umbrella up]* you like ruining your upholstery. Okay, obviously this isn't like the Vine memes or Harlem Shake or something where some random clip gets shared and parodied, this is the kind of meme that can only get big if the song's already popular. It's big because people actually like it. And all the rap 'zines and reviewers have been creaming over it since last year. *[article...]* Pitchfork tells me it's "packed with color and virtuoso rapping."

**Todd:** I mean, that's certainly what I've been told about Migos, that they're really important, influential, and they're great lyricists...

> *[Clip of "Versace"]*
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> **Quavo:** Versace, Versace, Versace, Versace
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> Versace, Versace, Versace, Versace
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> Versace, Versace Versace, Versace Versace
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> Versace, Versace Versace, Versace Versace
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**Todd:** Yeah, I totally see where you're coming from there, Pitchfork.

**Todd (V.O.):** And what's really frustrating for me is that I did get it. It was like this split second where I understood. It came on the radio, and this was the only time I ever heard it on the radio, and I was like "Yeah, yeah this is the jam!"

**Todd:** But every time I tried to listen to it since, I just feel nothing.

**Todd (V.O.):** So yes, I know I'm a little late on this one, but I have to do this because I have spent the last 4 months trying to figure out what the hell I heard in it that one time.

**Todd:** Okay, one more time, I can get this. I can finally see what everyone else sees in this song. What's the premise?

> **Offset:** You know, young rich ni\*\*as
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> You know, so we ain't never had no old money
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> We got a whole lotta new money though
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**Todd (VO):** Okay, so that's an interesting setup. Having new money as opposed to having inherited wealth, and, *[um...]* No wait, that's what every rap song is about! *[Soulja Boy - Turn My Swag On]* No one's ever rapped 'I got all this swaaaaag, cause I have rich parents!'
**Todd:** Okay fine, what about the title?

> **Offset:** My bitch is bad and boujee (bad)
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**Todd (VO):** Now, 'boujee', I usually heard that as an insult. That means 'rich and phony', or 'pretending to be rich', which is even phonier. But here, they're like *owning* it. Like, yes, I can attract stuck-up girls because I've got that kinda cash.
**Todd:** You know, clearly this song is about how they prefer a certain type of woman.

> **Offset:** I tell that bitch to come comfort me (comfort me)
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> I swear these ni\*\*as is under me (hey)
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> They hate and the devil keep jumpin' me (jumpin' me)
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> Bankrolls on me keep me company (cash)
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> Ayy, we do the most, yeah, we pull up in Ghosts (whoo)
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**Todd:** No, this isn't about that either!

**Todd (VO):** I mean, yeah, there are a couple lines in there about bitches, but for the most part, it's not about that. There's not even that much in there about them being boujee. The bitches could be nice and working-class for all that matters in the song, the bitches don't enter into it!

**Todd:** Why did they name the song after that one line? I guess 'Bad and Boujee' sounds better as a title than 'Raindrop Droptop', but they're still both pretty meaningless.

> **Offset:** My diamond's a choker (gahh)
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**Todd (VO):** Okay, so the bitches aren't boujee. You're boujee. You fancy. Like I said, it's a little played out as a topic, just a little, but I don't know. Maybe I'm just asking too much. Let's hear the lyrics.

> **Offset:** Smokin' on cookie in the hotbox (cookie)
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> Cookin' up dope in the crockpot (pot)
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**Todd (VO):** Man, I know way less about drug manufacturing than I thought I did.

> **Offset:** Cookin' up dope in the crockpot (pot)
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**Todd:** I didn't know crack needed... *[crockpot]* to be slow roasted.

> **Offset:** My bitch is bad and boujee (bad)
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> Cookin' up dope with an Uzi (blao)
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**Todd (VO):** *[interrupting]* Hold on. You're cooking drugs with an Uzi. I get why you need to be armed while selling it, but you're *making* it? ...wait a minute, is he stirring the drugs with the Uzi, in the crockpot? Can't you guys, like, afford a spoon?

> **Offset:** My ni\*\*as is savage, ruthless
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> We got 30s and 100 rounds too
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> *[Todd shifts to hit the key, then hesitates]*
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**Todd:** Does that require a 'NOT A RHYME' button?
*[screw it]* BUZZER - HALF A RHYME

> **Offset:** Fuckin' on your bitch
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> She a thot, thot, thot
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**Todd (VO:** Wait, go back. She's a...

> **Offset:** Fuckin' on your bitch
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> She a thot, thot, thot *[.,.,.]*
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**Todd (VO):** Dot, dot, dot, *what?* What's the end of that sentence? *[Genius lyrics page]* Okay, oh hang on, he's saying 'thot'. I...don't know what that means. *[Urban Dictionary definition]* Okay, just look that up and...what am I even doing?

**Todd:** Guys, I grew up in the mean, rough, *[pictures of...]*suburbs of Virginia Beach. There's a chance I'm never gonna get this.

**Todd (VO):**Who am I kidding, this wasn't meant for me. I give up. It's, it's, u-it's not my thing.

> **Offset:**Bitch, I'm a dog woof (grrr)
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> Beat the ho walls loose (hey)
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> Hop in the frog, whoo (skrrrrt)
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**Todd:** Wait, wait, wait wait. Wait, I'm, I'm starting to get it. I-uh, I think I am. It's...uh, no, no, I'm getting it; it's the *flow;* there's, there's the appeal.

> **Offset:** My diamond's a choker (choke)
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> Holdin' fire with no holster (bwah)
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**Todd:**It's that every line ends with a wacky sound effect. No, seriously, listen like, every line!

> **Offset:**Two bitches, just national smash day (smash)
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> Hop in the Lamb, have a drag race (skrrrt)
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**Todd (VO):**Whoever's rapping just has a second guy on the end to add goofy sounds or repeat the last line.

> **Offset:**Dabbin' on em like the usual (dab)
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> Magic with brick, do voodoo (magic)
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**Todd (VO):**I am totally down for that!
**Todd:**It, it kinda reminds me of that version of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer you sing where you, you sing extra lyrics after every line.

> *[Clip of some Christmas special]*
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> **Santa:**Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
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**Todd:**Reindeer...

> **Santa:**Had a very shiny nose
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**Todd:**...like a lightbulb!

> **Quavo:**...suicide with the Uzi (pew-pew-pew)
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**Todd (VO):**Now I am totally down for random sound effects. I... I guess it's, it's kinda their thing?

> *Clip from "Versace"*
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> **Offset:** ...run with it, ni\*\*a, don't fumble (grrr, pow!)
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> *Clip from "T-Shirt"*
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> **Offset:** ...top I had to chop it (skrt skrt)
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**Todd (VO):** I'll tell you what they oughta do, they oughta hire that, *(Clip from...)* Police Academy guy to be their fourth member.

> *Clips from "Police Academy" are interspersed within the song*
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> **Quavo:**  ...duckin', don't move too fast I might shoot you *(Cadet Larvell Jones neighs)* (huh?)
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> Draco bad and boujee *(Cadet Jones howls)* (Draco)
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> I'm always hangin' with...
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**Todd:** My favorite part is when they, have to like, really stretch for it.

> **Offset:** My diamond's a choker (choke)
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> *Todd imitates chocking noises*
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**Todd:** Yeah...
**Todd (VO):** ...a diamond choker doesn't, literally choke you.

> **Quavo:** I hop out with all of the drugs in the cooler (skrt)
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> I'm cookin'...
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**Todd:** I, I mean I know it sounds like I'm joking but I... I-th... I think that's more the hook than (what) the actual hook is. We need to make more songs like this.

> *Clip from "Hey Jude" - The Beatles*
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> **Paul McCartney:** Hey Jude
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> **Todd (VO):** Jude!
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> **Paul:** Don't make it bad
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> **Todd (VO):** Thwack!
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> **Paul:** Take a sad song...
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> **Todd:** Baaaa!
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> **Paul:** ...and make it better.
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> **Todd:** Sploosh!
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**Todd (VO):** OK, OK to be fair, there is more to the song than just... onomatopoeia. I do like Quavo's verse there he, he gets a little more creative with references.

> **Quavo:** Pour a four, I'm droppin' muddy
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> Outer space, KiD CuDi (drank)
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**Todd (VO):** I mean I would be... rather listening to Kid Cudi than, listening to this, guy talking about getting high so you can listening to Kid Cudi but i-i-you know; it's better than nothing.

> **Quavo:** Still be playin' with pots and pans, call me Quavo Ratatouille
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**Todd:** *(Just shrugs)* Sure.
**Todd (VO):** Also that's, that's not how you pronounce Ratatouille.

> **Quavo:** ...pans, call me Quavo Ratatoullie
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**Todd (VO):** *(Clip from the Ratatouille trailer)* I mean it was even (shown) in the advertisements (regarding) how you pronounce it.
**Todd:** Pfff, who am I to judge? I'm probably not even pronouncing these guy's name right like you know, *(Screenshot of Migos concert poster)* M-Migos? Is it Me-gos? My-gus? My-gas? *(Publicity photo of Quavo is shown)* Qua-y-vo? Quavo? Quatto? *(Image of...)* Kuato? Eh. But yeah, yeah, I-you know, I guess I'm starting to feel it.

> **Quavo:** Run with that sack, call me Boobie (run with it)
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> When I'm on stage show me boobies (ay)
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> *Todd pauses for a second before referring back to the Pitchfork article which said that this song was...*
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**Todd (VO):** "Packed with colour, and virtuoso rapping!" Eat that Kendrick! Move over Nas! Virtuoso's on the mic right here.

> **Quavo:** Yeah, dat way, big dyke ho get it on, Macy Gray (hey)
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**Todd:** Oh cool, right, yeah, go fuck yourself.

**Todd (VO):** Oh right, right, right and there's a, there's a guest verse by one more guy. God this song is too damn long. OK, this guy is *(Clip from "You Was Right" by...)* Lil' Uzi Vert. There's another new guy I've been hearing a lot about lately. Haven't really checked him out. Mostly cause of the name.

**Todd:** I mean he sounds like he got it from a program that generates random syllables.

**Todd (VO):** *(Image of Lil' Uzi Vert's logo)* I mean, Uzi, but not like, a real Uzi; *(Image of...)* a little Uzi.

**Todd:** Plus, vert, meaning vertical. So...

**Todd (VO):** ...*(Image of a small gun held upwards is shown)* he's got a tiny gun, pointing straight up. Which is, great if you're hunting...

**Todd:** ...pigeons I guess but... (sighs) anyway. Sure, let's hear him.

> **Lil' Uzi Vert:** Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, my bitch she bad to the bone, ay
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> Wait, these ni\*\*as watchin', I swear to God they be my clones
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**Todd:** Is-is-is this the virtuoso part?

> **Lil' Uzi Vert:** ...hey, huh, switchin' my hoes like my flows (what?)
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> Switchin' my flows like my clothes (like what?)
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**Todd:** OK, were you busy switching your flows and that's why you just kinda stopped rapping in the middle of that there?

> **Lil' Uzi Vert:**...hey, huh
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**Todd (VO):** I-is that what happened, was that like, the audio version of a loading screen?

> *Switching flows...*
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> **Lil' Uzi Vert:** Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, my bitch...Oh, oh, now she won't fuck with my crew
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**Todd:** Man I've heard some shitty guest verses but this is a *shitty* guest verse.

**Todd (VO):** (Sighs) Look, I thought I could figure it out but...

**Todd:** No, I-I tap out. I don't get it.

**Todd (VO):** It-it's not for me. I'm, I'm the pop music guy; this isn't even a little pop. It's, it's like pure, uncut hip-hop, y-y-y-y-y-kno-li...it takes me a little bit to understand the edgier stuff; I'm always behind the curve. Didn't get dubstep for instance and i-i-i-i-i-it's, always especially true with hip-hop for me. *(Clip of "Get Low" by Lil' Jon & The East Side Boyz)* I didn't get crunk at *all* the first time I heard it. But...

**Todd:** ...but I also didn't get...

**Todd (VO):** ...*(Clip of "In Da Club" by...)* 50 Cent the first time I heard him. And I turned out to be totally right about that monotone idiot so, *(Back to Migos)* I don't know; maybe this is gonna be a beloved classic 30 years from now. Or maybe it's gonna be dropped into the same pile of regrets we put *(Clip of D4L's...)* "Laffy Taffy" and *(Clip of "Gucci Gucci" by...)* Kreayshawn (in). I-I don't know; I can't predict these things. I can just tell you what I feel and I, don't, feel it.

**Todd:** This song is...bad and...crappy. Bow! Bam! Skrreeeeeee! (*Gets up and leaves.)*

*Video ends*

*Closing Tag Song: Nas - "Hip-Hop Is Dead"*

***THE END***

***"Bad and Boujee" is owned by Atlantic Records
This video is owned by me***

**THANK YOU TO THE LOYAL PATRONS!**