SCP-7000

SCP-7000

LEVEL3

CONTAINMENT CLASS:

KETER

SECONDARY CLASS:

INIMICAL

DISRUPTION CLASS:

AMIDA

RISK CLASS:

CRITICAL

**Special Containment Procedures:** All containment efforts respecting SCP-7000 are under the purview of the Emergent Threat Tactical Response Authority. Non-ETTRA personnel must refrain from containment activities directly related to this scenario..

All Foundation personnel must consult ETTRA Manual LK-4 ("Don't Bet On It: Assessing Your Task's Probabilistic Variable Intensity") before undertaking their daily duties. Tasks with a Probability Index above 4.9 must not be attempted except under direct instruction from Overwatch Command, ETTRA, or supervisory personnel possessing Security Clearance Level 4+. A full manifest of known SCP-7000 effects will be propagated daily on SCiPnet, and must until further notice be consulted before experiments or operations of any kind are undertaken.

SCP-7000-1 is inconsequential, and requires no containment.

SCP-7000-1.

**Description:** SCP-7000 is a progressive randomization of probability factors and anomalous fortuity on the planet Earth, and potentially beyond. The effect is not total — a comprehensive karmic failure would in quick succession terminate consensus normalcy, the SCP Foundation and the human race — but instead piecemeal. Each factor is randomized to a different extent, for a different length of time, and often with a different geographical radius of effect, corresponding to no obvious logical pattern. Nevertheless, the cumulative impact of many nonsensical and high-profile outcomes to formerly predictable actions is degrading the Veil of Secrecy at an alarming rate and jeopardizing containment efforts worldwide.

The cause of this disruption is, at present, unknown.

SCP-7000-1 is Dr. William Wallace Wettle, a white male 54 years of age presently serving as Deputy Chair of Replication Studies at Site-43. His relationship to SCP-7000 is classified Level 4: Secret.

```
CLEARANCE LEVEL 4+ CREDENTIALS CONFIRMED : THE REMAINDER OF THIS FILE MAY ONLY BE DISSEMINATED WITH EXPRESS AUTHORIZATION FROM THE EMERGENT THREAT TACTICAL RESPONSE AUTHORITY OR O5 COUNCIL, ON PENALTY OF DEATH

```

**Addendum 7000-1, Phenomenological Overview:** On 7 July 2022 webcrawler I/O LORENZ reported unusual behaviour from RANDOM.ORG, an online number generation service serving as a bellwether for changes in universal probability. Computers can only generate pseudorandom values due to the inherent predictability of programming code; RANDOM.ORG circumvents this by converting natural atmospheric radio noise, achieving true randomness. I/O LORENZ issues daily requests for ten random numbers between one and ten, one and one hundred, and one and one thousand as an early warning signal for probability collapse. The results for 6 July 2022 had been as follows:

> 9, 2, 6, 8, 10, 4, 7, 7, 5, 10
>
>
> 83, 66, 32, 58, 34, 29, 91, 8, 56, 54
>
>
>
> 37, 190, 581, 848, 63, 767, 166, 668, 564, 932
>
>

The results for the following day were as follows:

> 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
>
>
> 1, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100
>
>
>
> 1, 200, 300, 400, 500, 600, 700, 800, 900, 1000
>
>

Meteorological investigation revealed that all atmospheric noise, regardless of weather conditions, now produces non-random numbers in discernable sequence. I/O LORENZ immediately activated a brute-force redirect from RANDOM.ORG's number generator to itself, and began generating pseudorandom numbers for public consumption until the anomaly could be identified and contained. The Emergent Threat Tactical Response Authority and the Analytics Department were informed, and the latter quickly generated the following list of statistically-unlikely events occurring on the same date testifying to a rapid and widespread ontokinetic event.

**Item:** Infiltrator belonging to GoI-003 (the 'Chaos Insurgency') captured whilst engaged in a series of cryptic acts at Area-150. Infiltrator possessed a partial 'Step Compilation', an operational overview prepared by the Insurgency's chief operative (the 'Engineer') from data provided by an enigmatic stochastic prediction device (the 'Engine'). Step 22/617 suggested travel between two structures via a tarmac path; infiltrator interrupted by the sudden onset of a violent storm, and knocked unconscious by a large hailstone.

**Reactive Action:** Subject detained, interrogation underway. As the Engine's master plan and ultimate goal are never made clear to any individual insurgent, it remains possible that this was the desired outcome.

**Item:** Sudden and wholesale collapse of all extant cryptocurrency markets.

**Reactive Action:** None taken; event fully consistent with long-term probability models.

**Item:** SCP-179 expressing obvious confusion, identifying threats in eight directions corresponding to the cardinal compass points — though the relationship is purely visual, as SCP-179 is located not on Earth but in close proximity to the heliosphere.

**Reactive Action:** Due to the prohibitive expense of replacing solar probes after mishap, no attempt made to communicate directly with SCP-179 until stable probability restored. Area-08-C monitoring remotely.

**Item:** Repeated eruption of the 'Old Faithful' cone geyser in Yellowstone National Park, every thirteen minutes — deviating from a bimodal pattern of approximately 65 or 91 minutes followed since at least 1870.

**Reactive Action:** Evacuation of the area and implementation of a scientific cordon to disguise parascientific investigation.

**Item:** Uncorrelated yield curve shifts of multiple low-yield investments by anomalous insurer Goldbaker-Reinz Insurance Group Ltd., adjusted book value now in the hundreds of millions of dollars USD.

**Reactive Action:** Goldbaker-Reinz representatives respond to all inquiries with the following: "We would be pleased to discuss these unforeseen (by you) developments in person, should you wish to trigger an early review of your policies at this time." No action taken; investments crash the following day, erasing all gains made. G-R representatives unresponsive to further inquiries.

The Emergent Threat Tactical Response Authority declared a state of emergency on 8 July. The O5 Council granted ETTRA amnesty powers over staff with undeclared anomalous conditions, to encourage self-identification; unaccounted-for ontokinetic or thaumaturgical factors could theoretically complicate scenario mitigation efforts.

Multiple staff members at Site-43 came forward for anomalous classification over the following week. The last was Dr. William Wettle, interviewed on 13 July.

**Interview Log**

**Officer of Record:** Dr. D. Sokolsky (Deputy Director, ETTRA)

**Subject:** Dr. W. Wettle (Replication Studies, Site-43)

*<Excerpt begins.>*

**Dr. Wettle:** They've got you doing interviews now? Something happen to the people-persons?

**Dr. Sokolsky:** Every able body's got an obligation to help if they can, pal. We're facing an all-hands-on-deck crisis.

**Dr. Wettle:** Are those getting closer together, or is it just me? I swear we had one only last year.

**Dr. Sokolsky:** Okay, I'm gonna skip the boilerplate and level with you. We're extremely busy, what with the world having found a fun and creative new way to end, so don't waste my time. I know you're a time waster, and a hypochondriac to boot, but give it to me straight and simple so I can dismiss it out of hand: what anomalous condition do you think you possess?

**Dr. Wettle:** I'm unlucky.

**Dr. Sokolsky:** Jesus Christ.

**Dr. Wettle:** No, honest. I'm *extremely* unlucky. Good things don't happen to me, period. Game-changingly *bad* things don't happen to me either. I'm stuck in a cycle where nothing I do turns out right.

**Dr. Sokolsky:** This is a walk-in clinic for closeted reality benders, you realize that? I'm a disaster response coordinator, not a therapist.

**Dr. Wettle:** You're not listening. I'm in charge of replication studies, yeah? Well, I've done replication studies on *myself.*

**Dr. Sokolsky:** What you do in the privacy of your room—

**Dr. Wettle:** Fucking *listen,* alright? Or you know what… let me just…

*<Dr. Wettle reaches into his labcoat pocket and produces, in slow sequence: three large pieces of pocket lint, a plastic bottle cap, a labcoat button, a pushpin (with the point piercing his thumb) and a Canadian quarter. He sucks on his thumb for a moment, then places the quarter on top of it.>*

**Dr. Wettle:** Gonna call it in the air.

*<Dr. Wettle flips the coin.>*

**Dr. Wettle:** Heads.

*<The coin sticks to a ceiling tile. Dr. Wettle and Dr. Sokolsky examine it for a moment.>*

**Dr. Sokolsky:** Who puts gum on a ceiling tile?

**Dr. Wettle:** Alright, doesn't matter. Think of a number between one and ten.

**Dr. Sokolsky:** Okay.

**Dr. Wettle:** Ten.

**Dr. Sokolsky:** No.

**Dr. Wettle:** Three.

**Dr. Sokolsky:** No.

**Dr. Wettle:** Five.

**Dr. Sokolsky:** No.

**Dr. Wettle:** One.

**Dr. Sokolsky:** No.

**Dr. Wettle:** Nine.

**Dr. Sokolsky:** No.

**Dr. Wettle:** Eight.

**Dr. Sokolsky:** No. Come on.

**Dr. Wettle:** Three.

**Dr. Sokolsky:** You *said* three.

**Dr. Wettle:** Four.

**Dr. Sokolsky:** No.

**Dr. Wettle:** Two.

**Dr. Sokolsky:** No.

**Dr. Wettle:** Six.

**Dr. Sokolsky:** No.

**Dr. Wettle:** Seven.

**Dr. Sokolsky:** No. I mean, yes. Jesus. That was entrancing.

**Dr. Wettle:** Let's do it again.

**Dr. Sokolsky:** Let's not. You have any other data?

*<The coin lands on Dr. Wettle's head. He reaches up to remove it from his hair; it is stuck, as the gum is still attached. He sighs.>*

**Dr. Wettle:** Coin flip records going back twenty years. I've never called it correctly.

**Dr. Sokolsky:** Never?

**Dr. Wettle:** Never. And this?

*<Dr. Wettle gestures at his hair.>*

**Dr. Wettle:** This is my whole life, has been since I don't know when. Every decision I make is a mistake. Everything that can go wrong, does go wrong. I've been exposed to so many batshit anomalies that they stopped bothering with the one week E-class quarantine. I've been kidnapped by VKTM so many times I've lost count. I've got no agency, I've got no control. Everybody else moves forward, and I stand still because my foot is stuck between the train track boards. I'm a negative probability sink.

**Dr. Sokolsky:** Does it affect other people?

**Dr. Wettle:** I think it can. I make my staff run through a few periodic exercises to reset their luck, which seems to protect them from the backwash. I was going to write a paper about it. I thought I'd have to write from a containment cell.

**Dr. Sokolsky:** Yeah, about that. Why are you sharing this now? You could've kept it secret indefinitely. Folks around here think you're just a clumsy idiot; I thought I had *experimental proof* you're just a clumsy idiot.

*<PAGE INCOMPLETE>*