Father Whom

## Live action bollocks

Deary me, this shit. (Richworth here). Father Whom was meant to be a Christmas Sci-Fi version of Doctor Who. But instead of the Doctor it was The Father who apparently was Father Christmas, but he used a TARDIS instead of a sleigh. All was well until it hit the editor, who changed all of it so it fitted her vision and it was instantly ruined.

## First Scene

It started off with a Narrator giving out the exposition with three questions : "Have you ever wondered how Father Christmas gets to all children of the world in one night?" "or have you ever wondered how he gets down the chimney?" and finally, "or is it that you wonder how he has lived for so long?"

## A brief explanation

All the questions are answered in a short scene where the Father character tells his companion "Quinsey Winchester" that he is in fact a time lord. He describes Gallifey and then flippantly explains that is in fact gone. He tells him he has regenerated five times and knows exactly how long he has been at his job, very sadly.

## Questions, Questions and more Questions

Quinsey is drinking from the Father's coffee, which the Father does complain about. Quinsey then asks "why?" to which the Father replies, "honestly, stop with the goddamned questions. Quinsey asks the Father for his real name, however unlike The Doctor who can't say his name, The Father turns around and says "Christmas, duh!" while banging his head on the console. Then Quinsey asks him how he got his TARDIS, the Father gets angry and says "lets play a game, shut up whilst I drive! I don't know how Mr Fezzy deals with HIS companions!" this was a mistake, becuase it was meant to say "Shut up whilst I repair this." but then Quinsey puts another nail in the coffin by asking what TARDIS stands for. The Father replies by shouting, "for the love for things christmas and festive, shut up!"

The Father then asks Quinsey, "is there anything you say that isn't a goddamned question?" Quinsey replies with the word yes, to which the Father says, "okay" then Quinsey seems to have gone catatonic so the Father returns to fixing the TARDIS, then Quinsey asks him how long he has been at "Father Christmasing" The Father replies by saying a very long time. then Quinsey shakes him and The Father says, "anyway enough of this pleasant conversation". the end of the scene comes when both Quinsey and Father break the fourth wall and shut Jumpcut.

## A disturbing discovery.

In this Scene The Father trips over a toy on the floor when delivering a present. He then picks it up and angrily says, "How many times do I have to tell you to clean your rooms!" this is joke pointed at parents and letters. the letters that come from Santa to be exact to tell them to clean up and be better behaved.

He then picks up the toy and realizes its a Dalek.

He then tries to get in the TARDIS and shouts to Quinsey to open the door. He then throwsthe Dalek through the door, which then closes, so the Father has jump through it himself. he then shouts, "why don't you change into something with a door? like a box! a big blue box!" he then begins to cry.

## Sitting in the TARDIS

The Father is sitting down in the TARDIS. Quinsey is obviously looking at the bottom of the toy when he says, "what does TT stand for" The Father listens and says "what?" Quinsey then says that the stamp on the toys bottom says TT. Father then guesses that it is the logo for Tyranical Toys. Quinsey asks, "who runs that company?" the Father replies by going "I dunno."

he then brushes it aside and says, "we'll deal with that later, but I need to deliver half of these presents within the hour!"

Then a badly dubbed, garbled exterminate shouts out from somewhere in the TARDIS. The Father hears this says "huh?" it then repeats the word but less mixed up. The Father then shouts, "what in the dimensions?" the Transmision gets it correct and shouts Exterminate probably. The Father brushes it aside and says, "oh, there's a Dalek in the TARDIS!" then it occurs to him, "wait there's a Dalek in the TARDIS in the TARDIS where is it, Quinsey walks beside him and points at the toy.

The Next shot is the Dalek being kicked out of the TARDIS!

## Explanation

The Father arrives on a cobblestone street with Asteroids in the sky, he adjust the hat on the top of the TARDIS and locks the door, he walks a few metres and discovers an alien wearing a gas mask. the effect behind them is a poor effect because there are bookshelves in the middle of the street.

the Alien is preaching about character called the Tyrant, the Father asks who the Tyrant is, the alien is shocked that he does not know who the tyrant is. he preaches some more, but the Father says, that is not exactly the answer I'm looking for. The preaching alien then pulls of the mask and tells him straight out that the Tyrant owns Tyranical toys, then asks for some money, which the Father throws at him and runs away. but then returns to grab a particular coin and then continues to run.

## The office of the Tyrant

This scene is when the Father breaks into the Tyrant's office to look for evidence of the Tyrant's plot. Quinsey picks up a large pen, the Father looks angrily at him. they then pick up pieces of paper, The Father grumbles twice about it not being that one and then comments that the table is so messy!

then finally he finds the paper that has something on it. "something about reports and models in a factory on Earth, which apparently is in Gosport. He then shouts "really?" Quinsey then asks "what is wrong with Gosport?" To which the Father replies, "Nothing, I just don't really like the location!"

when they get to the facility, the Father comments that he needs equipment, so he walks away and shouts "I'll be back! always wanted to say that"

He then picks up the Dalek he kicked out, he then goes through a montage, by pulling out his sonic candy cane, then changing his glasses twice, he then puts on his hat and then tries fixing the Dalek which seems to go wrong.

## The return

The Father returns followed by the Dalek and he explains that he reprogrammed it. it then explains that its designation is no longer Product... it is in fact called D9. which shows the Father is slightly jealous. while they squabble, a voice tells them to stop. he then asks them to guess who he is, the Father hopefully guess that he is the Easter bunny. The Tyrant shouts "why in the heck would you think of that?" The Father replies by saying "yes, sorry, you are a grumpy git compared to him!"

it is the Tyrant, who introduces himself, in a very clichéd way.

Then he explains that the Daleks will hold the children hostage while the parents have to work for him to make him money. The Father tells him that he must be stupid because there are two Time Lords protecting the planet. The Tyrant then asks, "where's time lord number two?". The Father then says, "he said I could handle it!"

The Tyrant laughs and shouts, "you'll handle me will you?"

The Father replies, "yeah, I'm pretty sure I will!"

The Tyrant says, "Ima quakin in ma boots, tell me how?"

The Father replies with, "this is how," and taps The Tyrant on the nose, which annoys him and he begins to chase the Father

## The Chase

The Father slides out of the door, quickly followed by The Father, but he then realizes he forgot to lock the door and grab his coat, blaming his forgetfulness on the birds. he then continues the chase.

They stop outside the TARDIS, where The Father tells Quinsey to put the kettle and that they have company. they then start to duel with a Candy Cane and a Giant pen. The Father ducks The Tyrant's first attack and dives into the TARDIS. He then pulls the Tyrant in after him.

## The Final confrontation

The Tyrant shouts at The Father for hitting him on the head with a candy cane!

The Father retorts by shouting that the Tyrant is fighting him with a giant pen.

The Father offers the Tyrant a way out, by asking him to go away and leave the planet alone. The Tyrant asks him for something he doesn't have to be a good boy to get. he asks for the Father's name.

The Father tells him it is Christmas as if it isn't a big deal. The Tyrant doesn't leave so The Father picks up the TARDIS and hits him with it. causing a large explosion.

## The conclusion is a load of bollocks

some shit about The Father's enemies never learning not to make him angry and about him being the lord of time or some shit like that!

## The punchline

The Father then tells Quinsey that they've got to get more presents for next year, and then they can start. Quinsey gets angry and shouts that he hasn't had his Christmas yet and that the Father abducted him. The Father then argues that Quinsey followed him and that he did not abduct him! Then D9 interrupts, Quinsey then reacts by pulling off his head and replacing it with a coffee cup and telling it to shut up. The Father then complains that he just fixed him!