Carver Day

**Carver Day**is episode 80b of Edward and Eric. It premiered on Kids' WB on January 19, 2002.

## Synopsis

Carver is left in charge of the school, so he makes the day a holiday where everyone must do as he says.

## Cast (WIP)

* Andrew Rannells as Edward, The Narrator, Christian, Skipper and Charles
* Veronica Taylor as Carver
* Wayne Grayson as Joey
* Josh Peck as Eric
* Mike Pollock as Principal Walker
* Gary Sauls as Constantinos, Aaron, Donald, Corey O'Connor, Mr. Goodman, Peter and Victor
* Edward Felker as Stanley, Igor, Abdul, Gordon and Luke
* Dan Green as Dallas
* Eric Stuart as Gurney, Agustin, Terry and Barry, Frankie and Sebastian
* Rickey D'Shon Collins as Blake
* Jessica DiCicco as Lola
* Grey DeLisle as Tamara
* John DiMaggio as Tony
* Rachael Lillis as Ms. Green and Bernadette
* Tress MacNeille as Mrs. White
* Kyle Phillips as Wayne

## Trivia

* Although this episode premiered in 2002, it was produced in 2001 according to the copyright date at the end of the credits.
* The namesake holiday is seen to fall on January 19, the day this episode premiered.
* During production, Dallas was supposed to have a main role, but Gary Sauls thought it would be a better idea if he didn't appear until the very end for two reasons: He thought it was funny, and because had he been in the episode, "the conflict would've been solved come the 2 minute mark".
* On two occasions, Carver references Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley.
* This episode technically breaks the show's (non-existent) continuity, as it suggests Carver has been a student at Lakeside City School for several years. It also shows the Nerds have been stranded on Jupiter for a long, unspecified amount of time.
* This episode reveals the school is able to be driven exactly like a car.
* An Aesop:
	+ The kind of people that seem useless, may actually help you out at some point in life.
	+ Always stand up for yourself and your friends.
* **Credits:** Dallas at home, watching TV, and then he starts to wonder if he's "missing something".

### Errors

* At the beginning, Joey's lip sync is off by several seconds.
* When Carver is bullying Edward, they both have 5 fingers as opposed to the usual 4.
* Mr. Goodman telling Constantinos he's going too fast is just a reused shot of him telling him to hang onto his tie.
* When Edward and Carver are having a lightsaber (or in this case, Glowy Sword) duel, their outlines are non-existent.
* When Walker screams as he drops the TV on himself, his mouth doesn't move.
* There is a "jump" in the animation when Lola asks "Hey, what gives?".

## Transcript

(The episode opens with Carver riding his bicycle, with Joey's underwear attached to the back)

**Joey:**SLOW DOWN, CARVER!!! I WAS JUST KIDDING!!!! STOP, ***PLEASE!!!!***

**Carver:**Say "uncle", you dork!

**Joey:**(crying) "Uncle, you dork"!

(Joey's underwear rips apart, flinging him down the road and getting smacked against concrete. He lands face-flat on the school's flagpole)

**Mr. Goodman:**(walks up) Who's responsible for this?!

(Camera immediately cuts to Carver dangling Edward's book out of his reach, despite Edward being a lot taller than him. Edward flails at the book, trying to retrieve it)

**Edward:**Come on, give me!

**Carver:**Magic ain't real, dweeb!

**Edward:**PLEASE!

**Carver:**(sarcastically) Ok, but only 'cause you asked nicely.

(Carver pretends to hand the book to him. At the last second, he swipes it away, causing Edward to trip. His glasses, or eyeballs, get sent flying in the air. Carver steps on them, cracking it. He laughs as he walks away)

**Edward:**My eyeballs! My eyeballs! I can't see without my eyeballs!

**Mr. Goodman:**Edward! What happened?

(Camera instantly cuts to Constantinos having a wedgie attached to a tetherball set)

**Constantinos:**Mr. Goodman! Mr. Goodman! Help!

**Mr. Goodman:**I'm coming! I'm coming! (arrives at the scene)

**Constantinos:**I can't get down!

(Mr. Goodman uses his tie as a lasso and attaches it to the tetherball set)

**Mr. Goodman:**Hang onto my tie.

(Constantinos quickly slides down)

**Mr. Goodman:**Wait, you're going down too fa-

(His butt hits his face, launching the both of them to a faraway distance. They scream loudly, and they crash into Principal Walker's office)

**Mr. Goodman:**Principal Walker, do you know who's causing all of this?

(From a distance, Carver is seen maniacally laughing)

(Camera transitions to an assembly being held in the gym)

**Principal Walker:**In light of recent events, I am deciding to straighten all your behaviors. So please give a warm welcome to (Carver, Blake and Lola slide out of the thin curtains) Carver, Blake, and the hairy one.

(Gurney is nowhere to be seen, and he comes in at the last second)

**Principal Walker:**And Gurney.

(We see a lot of students whimpering and shivering in fear)

**Principal Walker:**They always seem to make the disobedient obedient, and the obedient...disobedient? You get what I mean. And this isn't the only time all of you have been worse than ever.

(Flashback to the previous year of students fighting each other, but then they instantly stand straight with their arms behind their backs and put big grins on their faces once they see Carver stomping down the hallway like a giant)

**Principal Walker:**(narrating) All the students before you were always this bad, but when Carver and company were around, they respected one another.

(Flashback ends)

**Principal Walker:**Which is why I will leave them in charge while I'm clearly off for more important measures. Like my lunch break. (heads out the door, where we see a nearby Taco Smell)

**Carver:**(pretending to sound innocent) Thank you, Mr. Walker!

**Gurney:**Yeah, thanks a bunch!

(Beat)

**Carver:**Is he gone? (turns his attention to everyone) Alright, dorks! It's time to whip everyone into shape. Blake, gimme the Idiot Detector.

(Blake unwillingly hands him a metal detector)

**Carver:**Ok, morons! Whoever gets a positive signal will go to Jupiter to get more stupider! (walks around with it) Boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Boopboopboopboopboopboopboopboopboopboopboopboopboop. (reaches Joey) BEEP!

(He punches Joey all the way to Jupiter, causing him to scream bloody murder)

**Lola:**If one of you even looks at us funny, you'll end up like him!

**Peter:**Like who?

(Lola immediately kicks him all the way to the Great Wall of China. Once he slams into it, all of it shatters to pieces)

**Victor:**YEAH! YOU COULD'VE BEEN MORE SPECIFIC!

(Gurney dropkicks Victor so hard that he gets slammed between all the solar system planets like a pinball)

**Announcer:**Perfect game! You won!

(Camera cuts back to Earth)

**Lola:**Any other funny guys around here?

(Beat)

**Eric:**Well, I don't mean to brag, but-

(Lola grabs Eric by the neck, spins him around and tosses him to the Eiffel Tower. The tower flings back and launches him similarly to a catapult, and then he lands in the Arctic Ocean, where he gets frozen solid. An angry walrus waddles up to the frozen Eric and kicks him all the way to Texas, where the entire state blows up and the ice melts)

(Eric is shown to be completely unscathed. A farmer walks out of his barn and notices Eric. He takes out his shotgun, but Eric gets so scared he screams and runs faster than the speed of sound, managing to literally outrun his scream and the noises of his footsteps)

**Blake:**Guys, you didn't have to-

**Lola:**What?

**Blake:**Nothing. Nothing.

(On Jupiter, Joey lands on a sharp rock)

**Joey:**OUCH!

(Suddenly, a hand grabs him, and he screams)

**Igor:**Look, guys! A human!

**Abdul:**Yeah, guys! A human!

**Tamara:**Whoa, we haven't seen one in the amount of time it'd take to make, gazillions of dictionaries!

**Igor:**I forgot what a human is.

**Abdul:**Yeah, I forgot what a human is.

**Aaron:**Looks like a toy!

**Joey:**NO NO NO! WAIT! I'M NOT A TOY!

**Corey:**So it's a stuffed animal?

**Igor:**OH BOY! (tightly hugs Joey)

(Joey's head starts inflating like a balloon, to the point where it fills up the entire screen. The entire planet explodes, leaving only a tiny chunk)

(Back on Earth again, everyone is grinning, secretly fearing for their lives)

**Constantinos:**Guys, is a perpetual state of fair completely natural?!

**Charles:**When is it never for you?

**Edward:**Somehow, I don't think Walker is remembering ANYTHING good about Carver!

**Carver:**(takes out a calendar from his butt) Now, in honor of my promotion, (marks January 19 with a red marker) I officially declare this day a holiday where EVERYONE in Lakeside must do as I say!

(Edward gulps, still grinning, and the camera transitions to Tony, wearing only his shorts)

(Carver and co. are sitting on lawn chairs)

**Carver:**Come on, Pork Boy! Do what I told you to.

**Tony:**(sweats nervously) Uhh, yes, Mr. Carver sir! (starts unicycling while playing his stomach like a drum)

(Edward timidly walks by, trying to walk to the library)

**Carver:**Hey, nerd! (extends his arm and drags Edward to his seat) Give me your money!

**Edward:**(anxiously sweating) B-b-b-but C-Carver, I-I-I-I j-just sp-spent it on lunch!

**Carver:**(grabs him by the collar and prepares to punch him) Oh, you'll get yours! How will I pay my taxes now?!

**Edward:**I-I don't know, m-maybe y-you could wo-work at MacDouglas'?

**Carver:**MACDOUGLAS' IS FOR LOSERS! Do I look like one?!

**Edward:**(squinting) Well, it's a tad strenuous to tell because of the sun. (suddenly, he gets dropped to the floor)

**Carver:**You better pay me respect!

**Edward:**Well, first, you need to pay your taxes.

(Carver gets blood-boiling angry, and he steps on Edward's face. He lifts his shoe off, and he ends up ripping off Edward's skin in the process, revealing his flesh and bloodshot eyeballs)

(Later that day, everyone is hiding in Hallway 1-C)

**Charles:**Alright, we all know psychos are under control of our school now. How do we get back at them?

**Stanley:**Charles, we live in America. We go out there, threaten them with bribes, and we get what we want. If all else fails, we beat the crap out of 'em.

(Beat)

**Charles:**Let me rephrase that. How do we get back at them?

**Constantinos:**We transfer schools?

(Charles facepalms)

**Edward:**Guys, come on, we can ponder better than this. After all, did Batman give up when his parents died?

**Wayne:**(stern) No need to spoil, dude.

**Edward:**Did Gandhi try to bring world peace for no reason? Did this other guy do that thing for this other thing?

(Crickets chirping)

**Edward:**Exactly. Now let's go stop Carver once and for all!

(He turns around, but suddenly he sees Carver, who is holding a giant live-action ear)

**Carver:**Don't worry, dorks, I heard you loud and clear!

**Edward:**Wait, Carver! Let's think about this!

**Carver:**Oh, alright. Guess I'll have to go easy on ya.

**Edward:**(briefly cowers in fear, but then he becomes brave) Not today. (takes out a lightsaber) Not with my Glowy Sword!

**Carver:**Oh, well that's too bad. (beat) Good thing I have a (takes out a lightsaber as well) Dark Laser Sword!

(They begin dueling, but midway through, the Glowy Swords break and shatter)

**Carver:**What gives?!

**Edward:**Oh, that's what happens when we have to avoid copyright lawsuits. We end up with the offbrand items.

**Carver:**At least this makes it fair for me! (cracks his knuckles and knocks out Edward) Alright, dorks, get to your designated classes!

(Beat)

**Carver:**NOW!!!

(Everybody panics and runs)

(Cut to Ms. Green's room, where she is painting a crude portrait of a banana sitting on a chair. Carver gently opens the door)

**Carver:**(in a fake innocent voice) Umm, Ms. Green, ma'am?

**Ms. Green:**Ah, yes! What can I do for you students? Come in. (they do so) Make yourselves at home.

**Carver:**Uhh, we were just wondering, if there was anything we could do for you.

**Ms. Green:**Well...what about the rest of the students? Walker specifically instructed you to- (looks out the window and gasps at the sight of everybody shaking in fear) Wow, that was fast!

**Carver:**Why thank you, ma'am. Do you mind if we could pay a visit to Walker's?

**Ms. Green:**I'm sure he would be thrilled to see ya! (continues painting and humming)

**Carver:**(grinning in an ominous manner) Oh, he certainly will. (closes the door)

(Walker is seen walking to the school, whistling as he does so. Suddenly, Carver grabs him by the neck and drags him away. He screams, and we see his clothes being tossed as we also hear him getting beaten)

(The fight cloud clears to reveal Walker in his underwear, carrying a TV. Carver and co. are sitting on their lawn chairs)

**Carver:**I'm never giving this job up! And I ain't letting any of these dorks down anytime soon.

**Blake:**I don't know about this, Carver. (beat) I mean, why are we watching TV in the heat?

**Carver:**Bosses orders. (to Walker) Hey, Marshmallow! Reception went bad. Fix that, before I fix it for you!

**Principal Walker:**Yes, sir! (snaps his ears until they're facing downwards) How's that?

**Carver:**Nope.

(We hear a cringy bone-crunching noise)

**Carver:**Wait! That's better.

(Walker's left ear is facing downwards, and the right upwards)

**Principal Walker:** Mr. Carver sir, may I just say what a pleasure it is, to have you running this place? (groans in pain)

**Carver:** Just like ol' times, eh, Walker? (he, Gurney and Lola laugh)

(Fade back to Jupiter. Joey is in pain)

**Donald:** What happened to the toy?

**Corey:** I don't think it *is* a toy.

**Joey:** ***I!!!!! AM NOT, A TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***

**Tamara:** Perhaps it's a human toy. (chuckles)

**Aaron:** When it's mad, it sounds like Carver.

(Joey tries to say something, but then he stops)

**Joey:** How do you know about Carver?

**Agustin:** Everybody at Lakeside City School knows Carver Brutus!

**Bernadette:** And his amazing cronies, Gurney, Blake and Lola.

(Joey looks at his surroundings)

**Joey:** You guys think *this* is the school?

**Corey:** A paradise for future adults.

**Joey:** Who told you this was the school?

**Igor:** Carver and the rest. Except for that Blake guy. Who else?

**Abdul:** Yeah, Carver and the rest.

**Joey:** Do *any* of you know how long you've been out here?

**Agustin:** (scratches his head) I don't know. Four days? It's kinda hard to tell.

**Tamara:** We don't get much sunlight out here.

**Joey:** But Carver went to the school four ***YEARS*** ago!

**Donald:** Say, ya wouldn't happen to be another one of his pals, right?

**Bernadette:** You know quite a lot about him.

**Joey:** (rolls his eyes) Some "friend". (he puts his head down in shame) That jerk punted me all the way here. I never did anything.

**Aaron:** Ooh! (pants heavily) So did Carver! He used that fun little detector contraption on us. And he'd always play Monkey in the Middle with us. (laughs)

**Donald:** Isn't Carver and company the greatest?

**Joey:** Hey, wait one minute! Those morons punched each and every one of you all the way over here, and you think they're the GREATEST?!

**Corey:** Well...yeah. Don't you?

**Joey:** (squints his eyes) Ya know what? No I don't. I think they're the (he punches his fist against his open palm) worst. I'm sick of putting up with 'em. And you should too.

(Crickets chirping)

**Joey:** Ok. Take for instance, Monkey in the Middle.

(The Nerds cheer and clap)

**Joey:** And why do you guys love it?

**Tamara:** Because Carver would play it on us!

**Joey:** And you love Carver and his butt-kissers because...?

(Silence. A fart noise is heard)

**Joey:** Exactly. It's payback time.

**Nerds:** (stern) Payback time.

(The Nerds rush off, and we hear constructing noises)

**Joey:** What the?! A rocketship?! Why didn't you guys build that YEARS ago?! Or better yet, four pages earlier?!

**Agustin:** I'unno. Just crossed our minds.

**Aaron:** Come on, hop in!

(Joey runs in as the door closes. He starts up the rocketship, and it blasts off)

(Back on Earth, all the students are inside the school, shivering in fear. Walker is still holding the TV above him)

**Carver:** Higher, fatty! Higher! I SAID HIGHER! (Walker doesn't listen) Oh, that's it. (he lifts up Walker's golf cart and prepares to crush him) You know the rules, and so do I.

(Suddenly, we hear the rocketship gently landing)

**Joey:** (offscreen) DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, MR. WALKER! You can put it down now.

(Walker screams as the TV crushes him. As Carver turns around, he's so shocked that he drops the golf cart down on the TV)

**Lola:** Hey! What gives?

(We see Joey and the rest in the rocket)

**Bernadette:** You've terrorized your last victims, Carver.

**Tamara:** Time to pack your bags, 'cause we're sending you home.

(The students in the school are in happiness)

**Gustin:** Heh, check out that jalopy.

**Blake:** Guys, stop, please.

**Lola:** (amazed at the sight) Aaron?

**Carver:** Wait a minute. Does this mean you dorks have been stuck on Jupiter to get more stupider all this time?!

(He and his gang, obviously except for Blake, laughs. Blake looks both ways and swiftly leaves)

**Lola:** And wook! Widdle Joey poo made them his widdle buddies.

**Joey:** Ya got that right, Miss Play-Hard-to-Get. We've had enough of getting bullied around!

**Gurney:** (approaches the rocket) Oh yeah? Well, why don't you-

(Suddenly, the rocketship crushes Gurney, who is never to be seen again for the rest of the episode)

**Carver:** (he and Lola nervously back up) Now now now now, hold on there, Joey! Stop the rocket!

**Joey:** I guess you just ain't "the greatest" after all, eh, jerk?

**Carver:** (starts crying) Don't make me tell my mommy!

(Cut to the school)

**Edward:** Eric, (takes out keys) start this baby up. Time to give Joey a hand.

(He tosses the keys to Eric, who proceeds to run to Walker's office. He hops onto the chair and starts the school up. It begins functioning like a car. Everybody cheers as both the school and rocketship constantly circle Carver and Lola)

**Joey:** School's over, Carvie boy!

(Mrs. White is in her classroom, arranging a line of dominoes, but they tip over)

**Mrs. White:** Oh, what is going on out there?!

(Carver and Lola run into a road that's clearly busy)

**Carver:** ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! WE'RE GOING! WE'RE GOING!

(They get run over by an eighteen-wheeler)

**Joey:** That's right, morons! Run home to mommy! (laughs)

**Igor:** Thank you, Joey. You're the greatest.

**Abdul:** Yeah, Joey. The greatest.

**Joey:** (tears up) Me? (sniffles) Th-the greatest?

(Everybody cheers for him, but it stops once they hear...)

**Mrs. White:** JOEY! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?! Eric, who gave you permission to drive the school?!

**Eric:** (drives him and everybody away in the school) Uhh, I don't know, Mrs. White. You probably don't want to know either anyway.

**Mrs. White:** Where's Carver and the rest?!

**Joey:** (flies away in the rocketship) I don't know either. They musta ran off. Well, uhh, see you next week.

**Wayne:** (offscreen) Besides, they were kinda like bullies.

**Skipper:** (offscreen) Except Blake.

**Sebastian:** (offscreen) Yeah. Not nice at all.

**Luke:** (offscreen) Nope.

**Frankie:** (offscreen) Mean.

**Tony:** (offscreen) Very bad people.

**Mrs. White:** Aaron and the Nerds? Huh. Haven't seen THOSE faces in a while. (to Walker, who is busy being crushed by both the TV and his golf cart) I told you this was a bad idea, Gaylord!

(Walker groans in pain, but suddenly, Dallas walks in)

**Dallas:** Whoops, I forgot Winter Break was over. (waves) Hey, Mrs. White. (he stops and looks around) Whoa, what happened here?

(Iris out)

("The End" screen)

(Episode ends)

(Credits scene begins. Dallas is watching TV, and Stars and Games can be heard playing for 10 seconds)

**Dallas:** Eh, I've seen prettier. (changes the channel)

(We hear a football game, and this goes on for 30 seconds)

**Dallas:** Wait, I feel like I'm missing something. (beat) Eh, I'll just get to it later.

(Closing logos)