Blood of the Innocent Brand Energy Drinks

> *"WARNING: Blood of the Innocent brand products may be unsafe for human consumption. Side effects of consuming Blood of the Innocent brand products may include, but are not limited to nausea, vomiting, suicidal/homicidal urges, total organ failure, and permanent mild indigestion. By purchasing Blood of the Innocent brand products you absolve Blood of the Innocent Ltd. of any and all responsibility." - Warning label found on all cans of Blood of the Innocent*
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## Summary

Blood of the Innocent is a brand of energy drinks that can be found randomly in gas stations all over the world in the Congregation Universe. It is rather rare, and can usually only be found in singular cans. However, 6-packs are known to exist, and each 6-pack comes with a $10 Hot Topic Gift Card. Every can of Blood of the Innocent comes with a warning label and are covered in sponsorships. Some of the sponsorships have been found to be of companies that do not exist. Chemical testing to determine the composition of the drink yields negative results.

"Blood of the Innocent Ltd." is not a registered company. No manufacturing plants under said company's ownership have been found, likewise with any distribution company. No human distributor or major gas station chain has records documenting the ordering of the drink. Extraterrestrial distributors are currently being investigated, but have yielded no leads as of this time.

As such, the source of Blood of the Innocent is unknown.

### **Variant Flavors**

Multiple flavors of Blood of the Innocent energy drinks have been documented to exist. It is unknown whether more flavors exist. Each flavor appears to have unique side effects. It is not yet known what would occur if someone were to combine flavors. Let's hope it stays that way.

* **Blood of the Innocent** - *The original. Not only was it the first flavor to be discovered and documented, it is also the most common flavor by far. Like all flavors of Blood of the Innocent, it contains actual human souls.*
* **Screams of the Damned** - *It tastes oddly bitter and metallic. Often induces heavy dissociation and anxiety. It also has been known to AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*
* **Eternal Torment** - *A rather rare flavor with a permanent, rather painful aftertaste.*
* **Void Ooze** - *This flavor is rather rare. This flavor has been known to cause all bodily fluids to become a deep black in coloration and become much more viscous.*
* **Ebola** - *This flavor contains trace amounts of an unknown, highly infectious and deadly strain of the Ebola virus. Report any instances to your local disease control center, and do not attempt to handle without proper safety equipment. Under no circumstances should you attempt to consume this flavor.*
* **Pineapple Piss** - *This flavor tastes, looks like, and is believed to contain real human piss. Does not contain pineapple.*
* **Shock Value** - *Tastes like your tongue is being shocked by static electricity. Is highly conductive, and has been observe to cause nearby electronics to function erratically.*
* **Visions of Madness** - *Gives the consumer temporary psychic abilities - specifically, the power to feel any and all nearby people's negative emotions, enhanced by a factor of two. Has been known to cause lasting suicidal/homicidal thoughts and/or tendencies at a rate much higher than average. Tastes pleasantly of peach.*
* **Lean** - *It's lean. In a can. Notable as being the only flavor of Blood of the Innocent that does not contain souls, and has no other abnormal properties that have been recorded. This variant is one of the more common.*
* **YO MAMMA** - *Has been found to, in all cases, contain the soul of the mother of the consumer, regardless of whether or not their mother was dead before consumption. After consumption, all who had consumed this flavor found their mothers had died on the spot.*
* **Mystery Flavor** - *Has been described to taste like a variety of flavors, including coinage, the Statue of Liberty, and [REDACTED]. On one instance, the person who had consumed this flavor became immortal, and promptl-*

#### **Xtreme Variants**

A much rarer set of flavors has been documented, all going by the moniker "Blood of the Innocent Xtreme." These are all highly dangerous to human consumption, and are "enhanced" versions of standard flavors.

* **Souls of the Innocent** - *Believed to be discontinued, presumably due to containing more than the legally permitted amount of human souls.*
* **The Electrocutioner** - *Disables all nearby electronics in a 20-ft. radius, and has been known to attract lightning strikes. Consumption has a 50% chance of sending you into anaphylactic shock.*
* **Lean Soup** - *Appears to have no differences from its standard counterpart. It is the most common Xtreme variant.*
* **Piss Plus** - *Not only does it contain human piss, but it also has kidney stones and trace amounts of real blood. Said kidney stones have been known to pop in one's mouth in a harmless manner that has been compared to Pop Rocks.*
* **Mind's Eyebleach** - *Causes one to experience vivid and traumatic hallucinations of others. Has been known to cause lasting emotional scarring in 100% of cases. Tastes strongly, yet pleasantly, of peach cobbler.*
* **The Ultimate Liquid** - *It's water. It's literally FUCKING WATER*
	+ *This variant has been known to be extremely expensive, sometimes going for thousands, or in one case millions, of dollars a can. This flavor has never been found in 6-packs, but the cost of one is currently estimated to be larger than the US's current financial debt.*

### Laughs of the Innocent

"**Laughs of the Innocent Brand Energy Drink**" is a cheap bootleg produced by an unknown entity, presumably a group of clowns. It is primarily consumed by Jiji the Clown, who rejects Blood of the Innocent, not just because she dislikes the taste, but because she is supposedly "allergic to blood and souls." According to Jiji the Clown, it is made of pure "Funny," though what exactly "Funny" is is unknown. Laughs of the Innocent is actually a sports drink, and it is sold in soda bottles. Most people claim it tastes funny, but Jiji says that is exactly the point.