Great Meatball Heist

### Performers

TheVoiceOfNick, Cage Nicky Jeremy, Nick Jonas, Nick Offerman, Nick Carter, Nick Zano, Nick Blood, Nick Wilde, Nick Nolte, Nick Houlte, Nick Cannon

### Location

The First National Bank of Meatballs, The Pasta Palace Hotel, The Rigatoni Repository

**The Great Meatball Heist** was the greatest criminal conspiracy in recorded history. It was orchestrated by eleven Nicks who worked together to rob three establishments simultaneously.

## Details

The heist was masterminded by The Voice of Nick and Cage Nicky Jeremy (under the alias Nic Cage), who enlisted the help of nine former accomplices and criminal specialists: Nick Jonas, an expert pickpocket; Nick Wilde, a con man; Nick Zano and Nick Blood, a pair of gifted mechanics; Nick Carter, a surveillance expert; Nick Offerman, an expert in explosives; Nick Nolte, another con man; and Nick Cannon, an accomplished acrobat.

The Great Meatball Heist involved the simultaneous robberies of The First National Bank of Meatballs, The Pasta Palace Hotel, and The Rigatoni Repository. The team was split into 3 groups, all of whom spent months planning the job: observing staff routines, familiarizing themselves with the layout of each location, and practicing infiltration techniques.

The night each of the jobs were committed, the team split into their assigned groups. Zano, Wilde, and Cannon were sent to the First National Bank of Meatballs, where Zano entered through the main bank door and caused a computer glitch as a distraction. Cannon travelled through the ventilation ducts to the inside of the vault, where he was met by Wilde, who had gained access by posing as a new employee. Wilde provided uniforms for Zano and Cannon, and the three then posed as the driver and guards for an armored company in order to carry out the meatballs in plain sight without question.

The Pasta Palace Hotel team consisted of Nolte, Houlte, Carter, and Jonas. Jonas gained entry to the hotel by posing as a bellhop, while Carter arrived disguised as a representative of the hotel's laundry service. They were met by Nolte and Houlte, who had previously gained entry under assumed names as a wealthy oil tycoon and his son. Jonas and Carter met in the basement, where Carter changed into a bellhop uniform brought in with the "laundry". Then, Carter and Jonas posed as bellhops to gain access to the hotel casino. Once they had the day's winnings in their possession, the two pretended they were going to deliver them to the bank, but instead took them to the basement, where they met up with Nolte and Houlte, now disguised as laundrymen, who helped them smuggle the meatballs out of the hotel disguised as dirty laundry.

The Rigatoni Repository team consisted of TheVoiceOfNick, Cage, Offerman, and Blood. TheVoiceOfNick and Blood staged a fake robbery whereupon Cage and Offerman entered the bank disguised as members of a SWAT team who cornered Blood and TheVoiceOfNick in the vault, where they put on SWAT uniforms and carried the meatballs out through the main door.

The aftermath of the three simultaneous robberies led to international outcry, but the criminals were never brought to justice as they were unable to identify the conspirators. Within weeks, every major world leader blamed another nation for the crime and ultimately, a small unidentified nation launched a nuclear strike against a superpower and within 48 hours, the entire world was at war. This became known as the first of the Great Meatball Wars of 2061.

## Radio Broadcast

Evil Mickey Mouse was the first to report from the scene, for Mouse Channel 5. Some selected quotes that will live in infamy:

> Terror from the high seas! Except it's not the high seas, it's on land- even spookier!
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> Everyone is freaking out. I think I saw somebody trying to create their own meatballs and add them back in. It's just not working out well for anybody here.
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