Ares' Abduction

***Miscellaneous Myths: Ares' Abduction*** is the fifty-seventh episode of the *Miscellaneous Myths* series by Red. It's an episode focused on Greek mythology, and specifically the tale of the giants Ephialtes and Otus storming Olympus, their capture of Ares, the god of war, and Ares' rescue by his half-siblings Hermes and Artemis.

## Summary

According to Red, Ares was more or less the family disappointment of Olympus, which is kinda surprising given the competition. Ares wasn't the most loved of the gods, probably because he embodied war, and in fact, the worst, bloodiest and most uncomfortable parts of war, like bloodshed, violence and death, with Athena getting the credit for nobler parts of warfare. In battlefield, Ares was accompanied by his sons Phobos ("fear") and Deimos ("terror") and his sister Enyo, another war goddess. Furthermore, his name (Ἄρης) seems to derive from the word *ἀρή*, meaning "bane", or "ruin". In Mycenaean inscriptions, his name has been found as (𐀀𐀩), *a-re*.

This introduction to Ares is followed by the main myth: In Thessaly, Ephialtes (meaning "nightmare") and Otus (meaning "insatiate") are two giants born to Poseidon and Iphimedeia, collectively called the Aloadae after their stepfather Aloeus, Iphimedeia's husband. Ephialtes and Otus plan on kidnapping two goddesses (nicknamed "Operation Waifu") and making them their wives; Ephialtes has his eyes set on Hera, while Otus desires Artemis. Neither seemed troubled by the fact that those two goddesses would be very opposed to such an idea, Hera being the already married goddess of marriage and Artemis being a sworn virgin.

However, Olympus is pretty high and just storming it isn't too easy; last time giants tried it, they failed and died. So Ephialtes and Otus decide to pile several mountains on top of each other next to Olympus and attack from there. A battle ensues, in which the Olympians emerge victorious, with Hera and Artemis safe and sound; however the giants have managed to capture Ares, and chain him up and lock him in a bronze jar.

The gods don't seem too concerned, however, and an entire lunar year (thirteen months) passes before they decide to do anything about it. The Aloadae's step-mother, Eriboia, contacts Hermes, so he and Artemis embark on a mission to rescue him, having nothing better to do. While Hermes sneaks around trying to find and free Hermes, Artemis distracts the giants by awkwardly flirting with them. Ephialtes and Otus are excited to have a real girl in their man cave, especially Otus, since Artemis is his choice of wife. Ephialtes is angry that his own wife hasn't shown up, so the two fight over her. Artemis then transforms into a doe, and jumps between them. Then both Aloadae throw their spears at her, but she dodges out of the way and they only manage to kill each other.

After the Aloadae issue is settled, Hermes and Artemis bust Ares out of the jar, and head back to Olympus, presumably to make fun of him, as Ares asks them if they can say that *he* rescued *them*, in case Aphrodite asks.

## Credits

In the credits, Red sings *Fortunate Son* by Creedence Clearwater Revival, and calls this story basically and ancient meme, as we have no long surviving narrative of it, only short, humouristic references to it.

## Characters appearing

* Ephialtes
* Otus
* Poseidon
* Aloeus
* Iphimedeia
* Zeus
* Ares
* Artemis
* Apollo
* Hermes
* Athena (cameo)
* Dionysus (cameo)
* Eriboea

## Trivia

* When inside the jar, what Ares screams is the Navy Seal Copypasta, with some Modern Greek words thrown in it.

## Notes

1. ↑ And also (𐀁𐀝𐀷𐀪𐀍), *e-nu-wa-ri-jo*, "Enyalius".
2. ↑ The ancient texts describe Ephialtes and Otus piling up Mt. Pelion on top of Mt. Ossa *and all that on top of Mt. Olympus* in order to reach the Heavens where the gods live, not piling up some mountains on top of each other to match Olympus in height.
3. ↑ No myth has Artemis join Hermes in his rescue mission (he goes alone to save Ares in every version), let alone flirt with Otus and Ephialtes, or Ephialtes getting angry about not getting his wife. While she did kill the giants the way described (though sometimes it's Apollo instead) this event is separate from Hermes' rescue.