Santa Claus VS Easter Bunny

**Santa Claus VS Easter Bunny** is the 10th and final episode of UMDTOTC ALPHA and the 18th episode overall! The battle features Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny in a battle of holiday figures who deliver to houses at night!

**Battle Length**: 2:34

## Dissers

All are played by Bob-crust!

* Santa Claus
* Easter Bunny
* Tooth Fairy
* Cupid
* Jack O'Lantern Man

## Lyrics

*[Santa Claus is in Red, Easter Bunny is in Pink, Tooth Fairy is in Light Green, Cupid is in Light Red, Jack O'Lantern Man is in Orange, and Santa's Elves are in Green!]*

### **Santa Claus - Verse:**

HO HO HO! It’s Santa Claus: Hagrid of the snow!

Hanging in the North, eating cookies, things you’ll never know!

‘Cause your just a rabbit, Buster Baxter!

I’ll mish-and-mash you and pick you up by you’re back fur!

And say: I don’t wanna see you’re \*ss hiding eggs in people’s houses any day!

Stay Away! I don’t want your disease since your a rabbit that lays eggs!

I bring joy! Your chocolate eggs give children AIDS!

The one place I’d expect to see you is at Furry Con, ay!

I’ve got a godly beard, I’m a saint! (Saint!)

I could only how many children’s lives you've tainted! (Taint!)

I’m the #1 holiday for all! You make children go, “Oh, candy.”

You just hop-around, I go around the World in a minute! Make yourself handy!

While your just non-stop sh\*tting eggs, I got a factory business down here! (Yeah!)

This whole business can’t even be compared to this little hare!

You’re a gosh darn rabbit! But, you’ve still never had sex!

Your chunky cheeks can’t compare to ME, I’ll never have an ex!

### **Easter Bunny - Verse:**

Hehe! No need to introduce myself! Eh, why not? I’m the Easter Bunny!

And give my 2 big ears I could hear your verse was quite funny!

Funny how much you tried to offend me!

But, some fat old pedophile can’t step to a wonderful rabbit, you see?

You think I’m odd, well look at you!

You’ve got child labor, are those your children? Give Mrs. Claus a break, yo!

You’re so fat you need magic to fit down a chimney!

Eating cookies at every person’s house, how could that possibly sound healthy?

Everyone deserves candy, that’s what I give!

You rub in kids faces that their bad, giving coal, just give ‘em nothing you pig!

Are they the bad ones? You’re the one spying on those tiny children!

I have kids play a game, you deserve no fame, bearded Jimmy Savile can’t step to me! I’m killing!

### **Tooth Fairy - Verse:**

Teeth, grief, money beneath your pillow!

The Tooth Fairy is here to diss these creepy fellows!

I’m sleek, I’m on fleek, you guys will be beat!

Now let me diss Kris Kringle as he has a thing for feet!

‘Cause Nick, you’re just a fat bald prick!

A big fat body to make up for your small d\*ck!

Thanksgiving called, your bones were stolen from Turkey!

I give money for teeth, you’re fake! You know whose real, me!

And what’s up doc? You say you got something to do with Jesus?

I don’t think Jesus would’ve wanted a creepy rabbit to represent him to us!

With your little girls apple basket and your Spongebob teeth!

You’re even worse than the portrayals of you in Hollywood movies, chief!

You can get some toys or some candy, but do kids really want? MONEY!

So they can get what they really want, not some kringle pringle or some bunny!

So don’t go messing with the Tooth Fairy, I can fly with my wings!

I don’t need 8 reindeer to fly around to help me do the things I need!

### **Cupid - Verse:**

It’s me: Cupid, the God of love, attraction, and affection!

I’m the son of Gods, your myths! And let me mention

There’s too much war and hatred, so let me shoot my arrows of amor!

You erotic \*ss-licking sl\*ts will be begging for more!

Good thing I’m blind so I can’t that spooky-\*ss rabbit!

You’re hollow chocos can’t compare to the real eggs I’m making, dang it!

And Pelznickel, you’re peanut bag can’t compare to my large tickly pickle!

Having those little kids sit on your lap makes me freaking sick, yo!

And Tooth Fairy, you collect teeth! Do I really need to say anything else?

An important tooth for $5? I’ve seen better deals from AMC’s theater popcorn, myself!

I don’t even want to think about what you do with my baby teeth!

And I got wings too, better than yours! They are as soft as a handkerchief!

### **Jack O'Lantern Man - Verse:**

Creepy crawling, children bawling, these are both beautifully appalling!

‘Cause this is Halloween, this verse will make you 4 scream, double-check who your following!

Because I’m meant to be scary, but you guys are even more freaky than me!

I’m a pumpkin who will be pumping’ out some out some disses to beat...

This haggy fraggly wrinkly old dad! Your goody two-shoe raps make me mad!

You look like an overweight, retired, leprechaun, you con! You’re so sad!

And you, bunny, are just as bad! You’re neglected holiday can’t match the spirit of Halloween!

Only toddlers celebrate Easter, it’s lame and bland like a lima bean!

You, Tinkerbell, your verse gave me an eerie toothache!

‘Cause Frankly-enstein, you can keep your frigid fingers off those kids pillows, eh!

And Cupid, you baby! You do sexual coercion for a living!

You’re the God of Desire, but still have never been in the bedroom, that’s what your missing!

You’re also missing, oh I don’t know? Any quality to make you somewhat likable!

How ‘bout you shoot yourself, then people will finally love you!

I’m a horror lord, you’re a wh\*re lord, but that’s enough of you!

I’ve got the feeling in my holiday that everyone in the world looks forward to!

I’m the best mascot! You cannot touch me!

I might be the ugly one, but I’m Queen Elizabeth to you foul beasts!