The Tale of Bobbit the Hobbit

>It all began with a little hobbit and his faithful hare called jugger.

>He grew up in an idyllic farming village called Weidenwohl, or Battsmill as the locals called it since names were not important to them and there was a large mill in the village center that belonged to the farmer Batt.

>The battsmill resident spent his free time on hareback in the foothills in the south of hereby, north of battsmill

>battsmill's small fishing port was dwarfed by the larger coastal settlement of boundby,

>bobbit the hobbit always had enough food and comically large carrots on the table for himself and jugger, but recently his business had dried up

>The Little Hobbit was tired of his home in Weidenwohl.

>He'd cherish the old tales his grandamum used to tell him, of lands with canals instead of streets and giant windmills the size of a hundred rabbits

>Nonetheless the hobbit and Jugger wanted to stay home, but they were visited by a human who seemed just a bit off

>t̶h̶e̶ ̶m̶a̶n̶ ̶s̶a̶i̶d̶:̶ ̶"̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶w̶i̶z̶a̶r̶d̶,̶ ̶J̶u̶g̶g̶e̶r̶"̶

>That human was tall, but not as tall as the other humans that had visited his small village of Arlington

>"A halfling? In our lands? It can't be!" the little hobbit thought

>thus the magic man turned into a cloud of smoke and fire, and burned Bobbit's and Jugger's homely house

>and thus they knew that they had been visited by an Arangean pyromancer

>And thus the vicious halfling cast a spell on Jugger, the hare following in his stead in the south, with the little hobbit in tow, screaming and wailing for his hare to return

>The little hobbit heard a crackling noise behind him

>"Oh no! My family's home is blazing hot! Could it be the halfling's deed?" he thought

>But as he turned around, the halfling was no more, instead there being a man twice as tall as him, with his scorching hands reading to scorch little jugger

>and Bobbit the hobbit, greatly shooked his noggin', and saw in the distance his hare already hoppin'

>the little hobbit jumped on Jugger, and began to ride away

>"oh me oh my, where will we go," the little hobbit began to say

>"The South! to the South we must go!"

>"We can remove Jugger's magic, there and there alone!"

>And then he rode and he rode on top of Jugger the hare, the Arangean behind him vanished in smoke, the hobbit's house was no more

>They rode for hours, when Jugger collapsed from exhaustion

>all through the day they had ridden, and arrived in the Brownies' land

>the little hobbit jumped off jugger, and went off to forage

>but by the time he returned, berries and fruits in hand

>he saw something that nearly sapped all his courage

>"Oh what is it, Jugger my dear friend? Here, I'll fetch you some water from my bag-"

>The little hobbit just then realised he had left all his belongings back in the shack

>"Oh, what am I to do now!?" he exclaimed. But a hobbit guard approached him from the distance slowly..

>"i am a brownie, bigger than you,

>now give me those berries and fruits for my stew"

>the brownie hopped off his large beetle mount

>bobbit had frozen, could not make a sound

>The guard halted the young hobbit

>"Oi! Master Fiku, where you be goin on at now? Don't ya know beyond this ridge is the brownie's land?" the guard told him

>running all day with great celerity

>soon they met a Gvilder celebrity

>a great trader of greater serenity

>Could this man be the remedy?

>to solve Jugger's issue of magic affinity

>the Gvilder could be of much utility

>but Bobbit just looked with perplexity

>as the Gvilder shouted an obscenity

>but then the bog daughter Mutaä came and showed her big hairy legs to Bobbit

>and Bobbit finally knew what love truly meant

>"yes, sir guard, indeed this I know

>for a brownie stole all my food just a short while ago!

>jogger and myself were just attacked by a magical halfling!

>If you could spare some food, why, I might sing

>the Gvilder was an arrogant halfling all might and no fight

>"I've seen you before!" shouted Bobbit Fiku at the halfling. "You burned my grandmum's shack!"

>"Nah nay, it weren't me young master. A human shackled me and took my identity! But with this brave guard's help I am at liberty!

>scared to death, Jugger thought about home

>then he thought about how his home had just been burned

>and out of nowhere, Bobbit's hair catched fire, surely an act of Jugger's immature magic

>thankfully Bobbit could put the fire down with no injuries, but now he was bald

>he didn't knew it at the time, but his hair would never come back

>The Gvilder Halfling offered to sell Bobbit Fiku some remedies for baldness

>But the hobbit refused, as he was now penniless

>and the guard looked at Bobbit's baldness and shouted

>"hohohohohohhoho your head shines brighter than the glass mountains funniest shit I've ever seen"

>Bobbit started crying, which made Jugger feel sad

>"My name is Jugger the wizard, son of Jugger the virgin, you mocked my master bald head, prepare to die"

>after laughing, the guard jumped, and got into a panic

>"Bobbit, get away, Jugger is satanic!"

>"No no, please listen, Jugger wishes to cause no one pain"

>but it was too late, Jugger went to defend his master's injured pride

>and used his magic to remove the guard's hide

>But the guard was prepared, for he knew magically enhanced rabbits were dangerous. he took his spear and stabbed little jugger on his innards, the poor hare falling dead before Bobbit's eyes

>but thankfully help was nearby

>would you believe that in Whereby

>was passing a Laurentian knight

>he looked at the guard with a stern eye

>and told him his last goodbye

>before cutting his body in many parts

>using his sword in but a single slash

>"Well, now what the fuck do I do, I'm homeless and friendless and directionless in life"

>said Bobbit, who forgot to add the word "hairless" to his description of the current predicament

>"Come with me, little dwarfie", said the Knight and placed Bobbit on his shoulders. "We're going back to Laurentia, we have to get rid of some nasty necromancers"

>Before he could object, the knight carried him away to lands unknown for any hobbit

>But then master Fiku realized, that if he were not to help the knight, then those necromancers would surely his the body of his friend jugger the hare

>not wanting to see little jugger as a mindless zombie, he kept his mouth shut

>"wow, that was a crazy turn of events" uttered Bobbit, who by now could accept anything this day had in store for him

>And so Bobbit sat on the knight's horse, hungry and tired

>exhausted by all that, in the past hours, had transpired

>the bounding of the horse across plains soon put Bobbit the Hobbit to sleep

>knowing that when he awoke, surely new people and creatures he would meet

>in his travels north they met a female goblin bard

>Bobbit soon dreamed about the goblin gobblin' his nard

>and in dreaming such fantasy he soon had wet his pants

>the Laurentian knight looked at the hobbit and laughed

>In the sands of the lands of the Rakel tribe, Within the heart of the Ogabo Desert, Dabar continues to search for his prey.

>But it is no rabbit he hunts, but the thief Beziel.

>He sees a glint of metal far off in the distance, and knows he must be close, for the Bari have shown him a sign.

>As he approaches, he finds there is no thief, but a knife, reflecting the sunlight into his eyes.

>He hears footsteps behind him, and is hit from behind, as everything fades away...

>Beziel flees from the lands of the Rakel, carrying with him the Topaz of Unlarm.

>He travels through the sands of the deserts for two days, occasionally finding refuge in the tunnels and caverns that can be found beneath the more solid ground.

>awaking from his slumber at a makeshift camp

>the little hobbit stretched his back

>but the mountains to his right were so bright

>young master bobbit thought he was blind

>those are the mountains of glass, little man

>here, you can take the glasses of my son

>they will protect you from all reflected lights

>but for now rise, for the secret city lies to the north

>And so, heeding this advice, Bobbit put the glasses on his eyes

>truly, whoever had made them must have been wise

>for know Bobbit could see with such clarity

>but now, he looked to the mountains, and say that climbing those sheer faces would require much dexterity

>they protect you from light, mainly its reflection

>we seek the secret city in the northern direction

>"it's of no use mister knight

>these mountains I cannot climb"

>"how can you know 'fore you even try?

>little hobbit, you aren't small fry,

>don't fret, and heed my advice:

>chin up, and look straight, don't get dazed

>pay attention to the glass, and to ledges dig in your toes

>but perches can shatter, and to say the least, that would cause woes

>so step and tried lightly, and you might be amazed

>having been rocked to sleep by the sway of the horse

>Bobbit awoke on it back, looking up to their course

>all around were forests, except looking ahead

>where towering above, could be seen the Great Hedge

>The hedge was tall as two or more hobbits, no chance for little bobbit to climb

>But for the knight it was but a simple fence, where he threw the hobbit overhead

>as you may recall, earlier in his travel Bobbit and Jugger had met a Gvilder man

>the Gvilder insulted them in many different ways, which I won't repeat for the sake of the decent reader

>but Jugger and Bobbit kicked him in his shins

>they kicked him in his shins

>they kicked him in his shins

>and the Gvilder ran away

>"wow Jugger, you are my very best friend, I know I can always count on you when things get rought"

>"I know master Bobbit, I'll always stand by your side, nobody will defeat us when we are together"

>"now let's go south, deal with your magic, and we'll be back home in time for dinner!"

>flying through the air, Bobbit was amazed

>this massive fence, by its top he was not even grazed

>with the help of the good knight, a mighty obstacle had been passed

>but upon hitting the ground, Bobbit looked up, aghast

>the land of the Giberlings they had entered

>within all Hobbits, such a thing always caused fear to be engendered

>"catch me small bobbit, over the hedge i will jump"

>the small man panicked, and clenched his small rump

>the knight flew over, with armour and horse

>cleared the hedge, the hobbit a real airborne force

>Bobbit looked up and to each side, fearing for his life

>for he knew that if a Giberling appeared, there would be no fight

>"Sir knight, sir knight! Please, come over!

>I can feel it now, Giberlings are getting closer!"

>But the good knight took his sweet time, and Bobbit saw a shape on the horizon

>fearing for his life, Bobbit the Hobbit hid in a particularly large bush

>the gibberlings were looking at the knight from afar, beyond the hill

>they gathered and snickered and growled, but the knight's mare stood up in its back legs, scaring these nasty critters off

>"here little hobbit, grab my hand" the knight said, and the hobbit followed

>as they charged through the gathered gibberlings, one of bigger gibberlings made a leap, trying to reach Bobbit at the back of the horse.

>the little hobbit gasped

>such a great beast, with such foul hands

>missing the little hobbit, it instead grabbed the man

>the others had fled, but this one remained

>determined to crack the knight's skull, and eat his brains

>forward moved the Laurentian knight

>displaying all of his endless might

>and the gibberling he begun to fight

>quickly dispelling the hobbit's fright

>but the knight was swift, as he had slain mightier foes than this little wannabe gremlin

>he grabbed the gibberling with his iron hand, the little beastie biting and crunching it to no avail

>with the other hand, he gave it a slap so hard it sent it flying off, his mare stopping for a moment to laugh at the gibberling

>seeing it run off, Bobbit's fear had now all gone

>he was more scared at the thought of a small swan

>excited and thrilled, the two began a chase

>determined were they to smack the gibberling with a mace

>As the big knight was about to smash the face of the defeat gibberling, he came to a halt

>"Nooooo!! Sir knight, what are you doing? This devil deserves death! Kill it!" he commanded him.

>But the knight put his mace away, and continued eastwards, past the troublesome gibberlings

>"We are not the ones that decide who lives and who dies, little lord. Like it wasn't for that evil guard who slew your rabbit friend! Let that be a lesson for another time."

>"I suppose, sir knight, that you are right

>besides, nothing have we to fear from little beasties such as that

>why, I'd be more concerned if I found out following us there was a rat!"

>And to this, the knight gave a laugh, and told Bobbit to sit tight

>for, "We have much ground to cover before we reach the heights"

>from the land of the gibberlings away the pair rode

>into a pleasantly warm and sunny grove

>hemmed in by rivers, Bobbit and the knight stopped beneath a mighty tree

>and all around there appeared a great jubilee

>'There, I see huts in the distance" said the hobbit and pointed beyond the grove, towards the fields

>"These are the evergreen pastures, little lord. You haven't left your home at all?" wondered the knight.

>"no, sir knight, can't you see?

>there, just there, are hobbit homes, I can guarantee!"

>with that, Bobbit the Hobbit bolted, compelled by his visions

>but the good knight was cautious, holding onto his suspicions

>but from the huts in the distance dots of white started to appear

>A horde of human sheep were charging towards Bobbit

>When he realised what was happening, Bobbit shat his pants

"Oh, fuck" he muttered at the sight of the incoming stampede

>about and about, little Bobbit did run

>fearing for his life, thinking by sheep he would be undone

>oh goodness, oh gracious, what a large horde of sheep

>if they stampede upon me, they will shatter my fragile physique

>over to Bobbit the knight tried to ride

>but his horse was too skittish, it feared for its life

>and so Bobbit the Hobbit was stuck without delivery

>and his only hope was a log made of hickory

>in it, he hid, sure it wouldn't be enough

>that the sheep were too heavy, too boisterous and rough

>"hold yourself tightly, good hobbit"

>said the knight to the frightened Bobbit

>but sheepish horde came upon him

>then he felt a heavy weight on his limbs

>and the hobbit fainted, sure of his death

>stomped by sheep, too many to tell

>and then he thought dying wasn't so bad

>for meeting Jugger again would make'im glad

>but Bobbit's alarm was for naught

>for death wouldn't come so soon

>to claim his small body, now caught

>below the great sheepish typhoon

>for that weight he had felt on his shin

>nothing dangerous turned out to be,

>just a small sheep resting for a bit

>on top of the log where Bobbit was hid

>soon the horde of sheep parted in twain

>and the good knight came to Bobbit's aid

>scooping him up

>they decided today had had enough

>and a camp was made beneath a willow

>as the gentle wind made its branches sway and billow

>peace was made between hobbit and sheep

>the farmer offered cheese, of which bobbit would keep

>to act as a page to the mysterious knight

>its strange but useful in case of a fight

>such was the tale of the sheep

>which had nearly killed Bobbit that day

>now they had to move north quick,

>in the Baalps they couldn't stay

>together they rode, northwards ever onward

>till one day they heard a songbird

>around they looked, but one could not be found

>as they rode, they continued to hear this imaginary sound

>from the Baalps, Bobbit and the knight continued

>very soon the weeping willows of the Evergreen pastures came into view

>tiring of the ride, they laid down their heads to rest

>unaware of the properties this place possessed

>as his body rested beneath the tree, Bobbit's mind did wander

>and from his psyche, fantasies were conjured

>whatever spirit there resides,

>created an illusory Jugger by Bobbit's side