Swindon

The boys flying over the Magic Roundabout

"...just look at a map of how fucked it is. It's the worst design!"

**Swindon** is the most populated shithole in Wiltshire, the county where the JAR boys live. It is most famous for the Magic Roundabout, a clusterfuck of five roundabouts joined together to create the mother of all junctions. A shit place to live in with awful urban planning, Alex called it "the shithole of the universe" while Jim called it "the Blighttown of the real world", in reference to a famously filthy, disgusting and all around shit area in the 2011 video game Dark Souls.

Despite how every other Brit talks about how trash of a place Swindon is, the JAR boys think its shopping center is "too good for Swindon", and they go to it regularly. They also get food and go to the cinemas, of which one has an IMAX theater, but other than that, Alex find it difficult to tell anyone about anything else someone could do in Swindon.

## Why is Swindon so dogshit?

### Urban planning

Swindon has awful road design, with hard to navigate roads which sometimes randomly change their thickness or make them a one-way road. Being a town known for its roundabouts, one road leading up to the Magic Roundabout has loads of unnecessary roundabouts.

### People

"Swindon Man" is the equivalent of "Florida Man" in the UK. Swindonites are another class of people: chavvy, disgusting monster manimals that make up their own rules. Swindonites are identical, in that they all have the exact same haircut, wear the same kinds of clothes, and love Kaspa's. Here are some notable encounters of Swindon people:

* James was at a Swindon car meetup that smelled like weed in May 2018. Things got out of hand when Swindonites started driving down the closest road as fast as possible.
	+ In a typical English car meetup in Swindon, James witnessed someone playing loud music on subwoofers. Many people with mopeds were arrested.
* The Brocast saw chav girls in a McDonald's in Swindon.
* Alex went to the IMAX theater in Swindon to see *Hereditary*. He was so close to screaming at a large group of young chavs after they started laughing at serious parts of the film. They later left halfway through watching the movie.
* At the shopping center in Swindon, James witnessed an average Swindonite walking around on his phone looking at a video of himself showing off his muscles.
* The boys almost got hit while using the Magic Roundabout.
* While the boys were bowling in Swindon, all the men their age in the bowling alley sported the same terrible haircut. On the other hand, they all wore similar fashion and loved Kaspa's (see below), which made the JAR boys fit in.
* A young extremely obese woman stopped at the Swindon station and sat down next to Alex. Her leg squished up all the way around Alex's leg and she did not notice, as he was taking pictures of herself on Snapchat.

## Notable places in Swindon

### The Magic Roundabout

The Magic Roundabout is perhaps the most famous landmark in the city. It is a collection of five clockwise roundabouts conjoined into a larger, counterclockwise roundabout. Despite the apparent insanity of the concept and the sense of terror driving through it inspires, or perhaps because of said terror, the magic roundabout is by most accounts surprisingly safe to drive in and easy to navigate. In fact it has been speculated by the greatest scientific mind of the generation that drivers, fearing the roundabout and the prospect of being blindsighted by a Moto Moto and dying in a car crash, become extremely cautious and alert while driving through it, which naturally causes less accidents to occur. It's unknown if the planners of the roundabout were aware of this and so purposely designed the roundabout this way, or if they were just off their minds on that zaza.

### Shopping center

Despite the town's general shitiness, Swindon has a great **shopping center**. In order to prepare for testing Shreddies, the boys went to the food court to eat as much fiber as possible, only to fart it all out later. Alex attempted to do an intro for episode 190 where they would be at the shopping center, but the center is so boring Alex admitted the intro was completely incohesive.

### Nando's

The JAR boys believe **Nando's** is the best thing in Swindon. It is close to the Swindon strip club and Kaspa's.

### Kaspa's

The boys went to **Kaspa's**, a British ice cream chain, for the first time, in Swindon, after they went to a restaurant from a cuisine Jim had never tried before with Papa Beltman. Jim thought it smelled like too many M&Ms. Alex liked the milkshakes and their large amount of selection for them. Kaspa's is also close to the Swindon strip club.

The boys came back to Swindon in spring of 2018 for milkshakes later, presumably at Kaspa's. Jim got two milkshakes and almost threw up on the car ride home.

### Dream Lounge

The **Dream Lounge** is Swindon's strip club, which is near Nando's and Kaspa's. The boys have been suggested filming a cast there as a gimmick episode, but was generally rejected, mostly due the idea not being safe for YouTube.

### Theaters

**The movie theatres at Swindon** are where the JAR boys go to watch movies on the big screen. Alex went to see Hereditary in the theaters at Swindon. The Beltmans went to Swindon to watch *The Meg* in theaters. They were the only ones that scream-laughed at the ending of the film due to its shitness, although Alex attempted to hold back laughter.

### Bowling alley

**Swindon's bowling alley** is where the boys played two games of bowling, despite that the English mainly see bowling as a chilidish activity for birthday parties. Because of this, many people at the alley were "scared to go out there". They may have gone because of the Beltman's love for *The Big Lebowski*. Jim bowled based on how the characters bowl in the movie. Many gutter balls happened. In the last round at the last game they all used a ramp, while another person used two balls to cheat. James won the first, and Alex won the second.

## Trivia

* One time when the JAR boys were driving back from Swindon, Alex scream-laughed after discovering r/minioncels.
* A friend of James got drunk and fell on a bush before taking a bus to Swindon.
* While heading back from Swindon, James was in front of a moped which was going really slow. James swerved the steering wheel left and right quickly so that the car was driving in a zigzag. The car behind him started doing it as well.

## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 1.4 1.5 1.6 1.7 1.8 1.9 https://youtu.be/xDxXJnV9oG4?t=3181
2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 https://youtu.be/y0sfPh73yvY?t=992
3. ↑ https://youtu.be/3kRr7Ptj1kk?t=2008
4. ↑ https://youtu.be/cTbPLJOv4kY?t=3443
5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 5.2 https://youtu.be/wAzhqo-Dwys?t=1673
6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 6.2 https://youtu.be/2Zvkh7Xvrlc?t=676
7. ↑ https://youtu.be/TbtVSJbhpnA?t=938
8. ↑ https://youtu.be/spO7lu4qKIM?t=449
9. ↑ https://youtu.be/WlqmJR1\_NAc
10. ↑ https://youtu.be/2pa4XS0eRRw?t=687
11. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHn2DGnmHDc&t=4162s
12. ↑ https://youtu.be/otWyD6IqVzg?t=1228
13. ↑ https://youtu.be/ej6I46a25oY?t=2912
14. ↑ https://youtu.be/gTIBTp-Cx3Y?t=2971