187: We Have a Lot To Discover About Raphina's Digestive System

## Summary

The celebration feast at Chilchirah's Lair has descended into drunken chaos so Mo leads the party back to the river on lizard mounts. On the way down river, the party make an impromptu rest stop on the riverbank, during which a number of surprising encounters are had. Hilula confides in Dew that the serial killer she's been hunting is none other than Raphina. Raphina herself befriends Melyugamar, a giant worm. Will is stung by the Warping Scorpion and Zol Berdia appears before him. Finally, Batthwack discovers a second Strahd crown before encountering Zantras the Kingmaker, who returns Batthwack's kingly powers. The crown becomes permanently affixed to Batthwack's head, but when the party regroups, he keeps his meeting with Zantras a secret.

## Synopsis

Batthwack's fight with Bilaroth begins to spread into a jubilant punch-up among all the lizardfolk and Mo suggests to Will that this is probably a good time to leave. Will, who is sober, *Message*s everybody. Raphina regurgitates the drink-soaked parsley she'd eaten earlier and immediately sobers up. Will tells Raphina that she should be careful of Hilula because he doesn't trust her. He explains that he found nothing in her bag even though she said she had something "sensitive" in there.

Raphina casts *Thaumatergy* making the torch lights brighten. Suddenly the room flares up in a day-glow orange light. The light staggers Batthwack and all of a sudden a left hook from Bilaroth checks him across his jaw, spinning him around. For a moment he's seeing quadruple and then he regains his wits and his vision straightens. Dew is whirling Hilula around the room and the flickering orange light only seems to invigorate him more. The spinning increases in velocity as he picks her up off her feet, her boots lifting out away from him. They catch a couple of lizardfolk, sending them spinning away. Raphina tries to grab Hilula's feet, but ends up getting spun around as well. The sudden change in momentum is too much for Raphina to bear and she's only able to hold on for a moment before losing her grip and flying across the room, crashing into a lizardfolk. She takes a punch to the head in response.

Will tells Batthwack about his discovery with Hilula's bag and the fact that Hilula said she didn't recognise Raphina even though she clearly did. They want to leave, but aren't sure how to extract Dew. Captain Clockface cuts in with Dew to start dancing with him instead of Hilula. He starts working Dew towards the door. They all head out. On the way Batthwack says thank you to Bilaroth, who hits him again and they exchange a few more fumbling punches.

Mo leads them to another part of the cave, a cavern similar to the area where Chilchirah held court, though a little smaller. He shows them iguana-like lizard mounts, saddled up to accept two riders apiece. Dew offers to ride with Hilula, and Will *Message*s him to tell him to keep an eye on her. Will buddies up the Raphina, Mo with Brom (*"I ride with this one who has no head!"*) and Batthwack with Captain Clockface.

They saddle up and set off, surprised at the pace the lizard mounts are capable of. Mo leads and when they reach the underwater area at the entrance, he doesn't slow down. One by one they plunge down into the water and then pop up into the Beartoggle River breathing fresh air once again. The sudden splash into the cold water finally sobers up Dew. The party suggest removing their disguises now and Will does so. Mo is very excited when he sees everyone's true forms.

While travelling up the river the entire party (except Captain Clockface) realise they need to relieve themselves. They stop in the woods and go off in different directions for some privacy.

On his way back from doing his business, Dew encounters Hilula who was waiting for him. She takes him to one side and asks him *"How well do you know Raphina?"* He says he only really knows her by reputation. Hilula reveals that the serial killer she's tracking is in fact... Raphina. She says she doesn't know if she should be excited to have found her, or terrified. Dew can't believe it. Hilula explains that Raphina was a well-respected figure in Beartoggle running her ferrying business, but the Toggle Dam was built and it put an end to that. Some people have theorised that this is why she began killing. Hilula says Raphina has killed dozens that they know of. Dew, still incredulous, asks her what evidence there was and Hilula explains that it was a mystery for some time, but eventually there were multiple witnesses and it became a question of finding her and stopping her. Hilula recounts a time when Raphina shot someone with a crossbow bolt from across a square and ran up to them in a berserker rage, screaming at them with her mace drawn. She had then gathered her wits and run off before anyone had a chance to react. Hilula says there were a few incidents like that and other things that tied these events together.

Hilula goes on to say that the killings suddenly stopped and so it was assumed that Raphina had left town. Dew wonders if when the group were transported to Barovia Valley someone took Raphina's place, because it doesn't seem in her character at all. Hilula says the theory is that Raphina lost her mind and that her current demeanour is just an act. Hilula explains that many Beartoggle militia have been engaged in the manhunt, searching nearby at first without much luck, before casting the net wider. Hilula was a new recruit and given this patch as one of the less likely areas. Despite that, she undertook her work with full conviction but when she was captured by the lizardfolk she thought she was going to die in her prison cell. All of a sudden she is freed by the very person she's been sent to find! Dew is struggling to make sense of any of this, one reason being that Raphina is trying to get back to Beartoggle. Hilula wonders if Raphina has amnesia, or is delusional, or if it is all some con.

Dew recalls the story of the group's adventures in Barovia and remembers that Lank had amnesia and mentions this possibility to Hilula. She wonders to Dew about whether the rest of the group are complicit; she knows Will doesn't trust her. She wants to get Raphina back to Beartoggle in a controlled way so that reinforcements can arrest her. Dew tells Hilula that she can trust him, but pleads with her that she keep an open mind and consider any alternative explanations. He reminds her that the manner in which the group were brought together was mysterious and all was not as it seemed.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the forest the last of Raphina's bait worms has wriggled out of its can and up her arm and is speaking into her ear saying *"Look you brought me home. That's it over there!"* No sooner has Raphina crawled under a bush to a patch of earth, when the ground begins to shake and tremble and the dirt caves in. In its place is a hole, 10 feet across, filled with a maw of teeth ringed by purple and maroon scales. The worm jumps down and wriggles into the hole in the ground, beside the mouth, shouting back *"Thanks!"* before disappearing into the ground. A deep voice thanks her for returning its son. The giant worm creature's name is Melyugamar and he says that if she requires his help he can be summoned by singing his name three times. Then he too disappears down into the earth and is gone.

In another part of the forest, Will feels a pain in his ankle and looks down to see the Warping Scorpion. He then hears his name being called by a wistful, lilting voice, which he recognises as belonging to Eldon, his former lover from back in Tivoli. Panicked by this he immediately casts *Fly*, preparing for the worst. In the direction of the voice he sees something yellow through the trees and flying closer, he recognises the patron god he had created for Tivoli, Zol Berdia, wearing the canary yellow robes that Will had designed for them. He tries to *Message* Batthwack, but gets no response. Utterly confused, suspicious and assuming he must be drunk or something, Will approaches cautiously. The robed figure says they're Zol Berdia. *"I'm a god, Will."* Will replies sarcastically *"OK. Yeah, you are. As much as I recollect. You're a REAL god, aren't you. Who are you?"* In Will's design, Zol Berdia's face was usually obscured by their hood, but this figure's hood is drawn back and when he's close enough to see the face, he is stunned to see that it is Eldon wearing the robes. Will is reminded of an old memory, of a time when he had Eldon dress as Zol Berdia.

Will tries to figure out what's going on, casting *True Strike*, but finding that the magic seems unable to touch the figure. Will demands to know who's behind this, but Zol Berdia just responds *"You don't recognise me? You created me."* Will knows this to be true, but cannot understand what's happening. Zol Berdia tells Will they need his help and and tells him *"You've created me, but there's another me...? No, another part to me, another half to me, that I need you to find. Another god. Another true god like me."* Will laughs at this and says *"Okay, well why don't I just make one up so that you can have a little partner, because that's about as true as you."* Will tries casts *Detect Thoughts*, finding again that the spell cannot seem to adhere to this figure. He tries dispelling this hallucination only to discover that this is a physical being in front of him. Zol Berdia puts their hands on Will's shoulders and says *"Will, I forgive you."* Will immediately has a realisation that he feels better about the fact that he has mistrusted everyone who has shown him kindness. Then the figure disappears. Will screams.

Meanwhile, Batthwack had also made his way into the woods. Amongst the leaf litter on the forest floor he glimpses a bright gold, glimmering object. He discovers it's a crown. In fact he recognises it as Strahd's crown, the one they discovered in Castle Ravenloft. He picks it up. No sooner has he done this, he hears a voice in his head saying *"Hello Batthwack. How have you been?"* It is Zantras the Kingmaker, from the Amber Temple. *"It seems you've lost my gift"* he says, before once again offering Batthwack the same powers he had granted him before. Batthwack says *"I want to be able to go home."* He tells Zantras he needs to bring Will back with him. He asks Zantras about his family and Zantras tells Batthwack that they're home. Batthwack accepts the gift and discovers the crown is now on the his head and cannot be removed. Zantras says *"I look forward to meeting you in person"* and then the voice is gone. At this point, he hears Will's scream.

The rest of the party have also heard Will's shout and they all run toward it. Will immediately notices Batthwack's crown and is shocked because it had been in his bag. He rummages around and finds another identical crown, to everyone's amazement. This is all too much for Will who is freaking out about hallucinations. Batthwack asks Will to help him take the crown off his head, but when Will tries to take it, he can't. Will recounts to the group a lot of what happened to him, though he won't reveal exactly who Zol Berdia is, except to say he's the god of forgiveness. He says Zol Berdia's supposed to be in Tivoli. He nearly lets slip that when the god appeared to him, he looked like someone he knew, but he stops himself.

Raphina tells the group about her encounter with the worm and that he's offered to help if needed. When asked whether he encountered a god, Batthwack lies and says he doesn't think so. Raphina asks Dew if he encountered anyone, and he says he didn't encounter a god. Will begins to wonder if they are in fact back in Barovia. Dew dismisses this, because he can tell these woods are not the same as the ones he grew up in. The party begin looking for their other travelling companions Mo and Hilula.

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Eric. When Raphina hawks up her alcoholic parsley leaf, Eric describes it "wafting" to the ground. Abby says *"It's not even wet? I'm mad at you parsley leaf!"* Eric comments *"Guys we have a lot to discover about Raphina's digestive system. Go on. This is just the tip of the iceberg."*
* Any other Pork Fried Dice memes / non-canon moments / interesting facts that you think are worth noting

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## References

1. ↑ See episode 138: Hello Kitty Lockpick Set
2. ↑ See episode 120: We Have to Defeat Batthwack Now