Cooler CA-3 Terminal Entries

## **CoolAir Evacuation Staging Terminal**

**Greetings, Coolermates!**

**If you are reading this message, it means you have been successfully thawed out of cryogenic sleep and are ready to lay down the foundations for a brand new civilization!**

**Now before you go running out into the great unknown, please take a moment to peruse this document: these few minutes could save your life and the lives of your fellow Coolermates!**

* **Evacuation Staging Areas**
* **Survival Tips & Hints**
* **Quit**

### **Evacuation Staging Areas**

**You are currently standing in the CoolAir Evacuation Colony's "Evacuation Staging Area." This area houses several meeting rooms and facilities related to your colony's field of expertise.**

**Though the CoolAir Evacuation Colony is stocked with enough food and survival supplies to last a few weeks, it is important for the continued survival of human civilization that you and your fellow Coolermates cooperate to create a sustainable and habitable world above.**

**The Evacuation Staging Area should be used to collaborate and draft up a comprehensive plan for surviving in the new world, and most importantly, making contact with other Cool Air Evacuation Colonies as soon as possible.**

**Consult the Survival Tips & Hints section for more info.**

### **Survival Tips & Hints**

**The CoolAir Evacuation Colony was designed to house the best and brightest members of society during a catastrophic event.**

**As such, the world above may be a much different place than you left it.**

**Please select the nature of your catastrophe:**

* **In case of a Volcanic Event**
* **In case of a Flooding Event**
* **In case of a Seismic Event**
* **In case of a Nuclear Event**
* **Back**

#### **In case of a Volcanic Event**

**In case of a Volcanic Event...**

**Be aware that magma is hot and should be handled with care. Avoid contact with skin, eyes, or hair, as burning may occur.**

**If you find yourself on fire, stop, drop, and roll. If a fellow Coolermate is on fire, verbally remind them to stop, drop, and roll. Please note that the effectiveness of stopping, dropping, and rolling is greatly diminished if immolation is the result of submersion in magma.**

**If cooled magma is preventing exit from the CoolAir Evacuation Colony, it may be necessary to drill your way out. If your colony is not equipped with a drill, please stand by while a fellow colony comes to your assistance.**

#### **In case of a Flooding Event**

**In case of a Flooding Event...**

**Be aware that during cryogenic sleep muscles may atrophy, so it is important to take necessary precautions before attempting to swim.**

**Also be aware that the CoolAir Evacuation Colony may be completely submerged in water. In this case, getting out may be very difficult, if not impossible. This should be a point of conversation with your Coolermates.**

**Lastly, be sure to collect any dirt or dust particles that may have been left behind by you or your fellow Coolermates as they may carry a high premium in an aquatic society.**

#### **In case of a Seismic Event**

**In case of a Seismic Event...**

**In case of an aftershock, locate the nearest desk and duck and cover underneath until the event has passed.**

**Be aware that street signs and roadmaps should be read with skepticism, as they may not accurately reflect the topography of the world.**

#### **In case of a Nuclear Event**

**In case of a Nuclear Event...**

**Prolonged exposure to nuclear fallout may cause mutations to occur. If such a mutation does occur, determine if your mutation can be used to benefit your colony. If it cannot, please submit yourself to your fellow Coolermates for immediate quarantine.**

**Additionally, roaches and other vermin may have survived the explosion and may provide a valuable source of protein when the colony's supplies have been exhausted. Roach farming is highly recommended.**

### **Quit**

**Goodbye, and good luck in the new world!**

**- Alistair Hubbard,**

**Founder, Alistair Research Labs**

## **CoolAir Presentation Projector**

**CoolAir Presentation Projector Controls**

**Make a selection below:**

* **Turn off projector**
* **Quit**

## **Administrator's Office Terminals**

### **Administrator's Personal Computer**

**Logged in as user LIVELY.**

* **Journal Entry: Lights! Camera!**
* **Journal Entry: Getting cold...**
* **Journal Entry: Something must be wrong...**
* **Quit**

#### **Journal Entry: Lights! Camera!**

**I've been elected the administrator of this CoolAir facility. I wish I could say it wasn't a popularity contest, but in Hollywood, it always is.**

**Of course, it could also be that I'm the oldest person here. Heaven knows the stars and starlets of today would much rather just roll over for a director than to have a shred of personal and artistic integrity.**

**It absolutely makes me sick to think one of these floozies might some day portray me in the film adaptation of these events...**

**- Penny Lively**

#### **Journal Entry: Getting cold...**

**The CoolerMates have been complaining that the colony's too cold. What's a girl to do, it's not like I can just turn down the air conditioning or something!**

**Maybe if they'd shut up and get into their Cooler Suits they wouldn't have so much to complain about, but those tramps and bimbos aren't too eager to hop into these gaudy things.**

**- Penny Lively**

#### **Journal Entry: Something must be wrong...**

**I... think there might be something wrong with this colony. The temperature has dropped to such a degree that the walls have begun to frost over...**

**I called over one of the younger boys to help me take a look at the administration computer, but the poor thing couldn't make heads or tails of it. Said the interface was "too old" for him to understand, the cheeky little thing...**

**Hopefully this is just an accident. I don't think I could take much more of this, and if I can't take much more of this, there's no chance for the rest of those prima donnas.**

**- Penny Lively**

### **Cooler Administration Console**

**Welcome, LIVELY.**

**CoolAir Administration Console**

**Please select an option below:**

* **Diagnostics**
* **Quit**

#### **Diagnostics**

**Available diagnostics reports:**

* **CoolAir Cryogenic Chambers**
* **CoolAir NoLeak(tm) Airlock Door**
* **CoolAir FreshAir(tm) Atmospheric Regulator**
* **CoolAir AirLift(tm) Elevator System**
* **CoolAir SpeakEZ(tm) PA System**
* **CoolAir Serpent Protocol(tm)**
* **Back**

##### **CoolAir Cryogenic Chambers**

**CoolAir Cryogenic Chambers**

**Status: ONLINE**

**CoolAir Cryogenic Hibernation started successfully at 5:03:35 on 9/20/80.**

##### **CoolAir NoLeak(tm) Airlock Door**

**CoolAir NoLeak(tm) Airlock Door**

**Status: DECOMMISSIONED**

**CoolAir NoLeak(tm) Airlock closed successfully at 23:12:06 on 9/19/80.**

**CoolAir NoLeak(tm) Airlock opened successfully at 13:00:01 on 5/17/87**

##### **CoolAir FreshAir(tm) Atmospheric Regulator**

**CoolAir FreshAir(tm) Atmospheric Regulator**

**Status: UNKNOWN**

**ERROR: Cryo-Coolant leak detected.**

##### **CoolAir AirLift(tm) Elevator System**

**CoolAir AirLift(tm) Elevator System**

**Status: ONLINE**

##### **CoolAir SpeakEZ(tm) PA System**

**CoolAir SpeakEZ(tm) PA System**

**Status: ONLINE**

##### **CoolAir Serpent Protocol(tm)**

**CoolAir Serpent Protocol(tm)**

**Status: ONLINE**

## **Cryochambers Terminals**

### **Securidisk Terminal**

**Scanning...**

**Securidisk detected...**

**Identity verified.**

**Welcome Administrator LIVELY.**

**Administrative Controls:**

* **Open Technology Chamber.**
* **Cancel**

### **Technology Chamber Terminal**

**Administrator LIVELY,**

**Welcome to the Technology Chambers.**

**Once the Coolermates have assembled, please deliver the attached speech.**

**Afterwards, please view the the Nation Foundation Manifest for more information on the Nation Foundation Kits provided to your CoolAir Evacuation Colony and facilitate the deployment of the aforementioned kits.**

* **Speech to Coolermates**
* **Nation Foundation Manifest**
* **(ADMIN) Serpent Protocol**
* **Cancel**

#### **Speech to Coolermates**

**"Greetings all, and welcome to the Technology Chamber.**

**Housed within these chambers are three Nation Foundation Kits, hand selected by the good folks at Alistair Research Labs.**

**On their own, each Nation Foundation Kit contains tools vital to our profession and our survival, but as a whole, these kits will provide a full set of tools to ensure mankind survives in the new world. As such, while it IS important for us to establish a base of operations in the new world, it is more important still that we use these tools to seek out our fellow Coolermates from other CoolAir Evacuation Colonies.**

**As your elected Administrator, I thank you all for your patience and cooperation, and wish us all luck in this exciting new world!"**

#### **Nation Foundation Manifest**

**3 available Nation Foundation Kit(s):**

**Make a selection below for more information:**

* **1x Juke Junkie Jukebox Kit**
* **1x Tiny, Sticky Photographs Kit**
* **0x Tunes Over My Hammy Kit**
* **Back**

##### **1x Juke Junkie Jukebox Kit**

**Juke Junkie Jukebox Kit**

**Are you ADDICTED to music? Do you find yourself waking up in the middle of the night with cold sweats, jonesing for a measure of your favorite song?**

**Worry not, the Juke Junkie Jukebox is here! The Juke Junkie plays the latest audio formats, including eight-track and cassette, so you'll never be stuck listening to yesterday's tunes. Never have a moment of silence again with the Juke Junkie Jukebox Kit!**

##### **1x Tiny, Sticky Photographs Kit**

**1x Tiny, Sticky Photographs Kit**

**Ever think to yourself "Boy, I wish there was a tiny, stick photographer around so I could capture this moment in a tiny, sticky photograph forever?"**

**Well, your days of thinking are OVER!**

**With the Tiny, Sticky Photographs kit, now you can make Tiny, Sticky Photographs whenever you need! Just step into the Tiny, Sticky Photography Booth, put on some wacky wig and make a zany face, and presto flasho! Tiny, sticky photographs!**

**(Please note the Tiny, Sticky Photography Booth is actually very large.)**

##### **0x Tunes Over My Hammy Kit**

**Tunes Over My Hammy Kit**

**Got a face made for radio? Well listen up, you uggo, it's your time to shine!**

**The Tunes Over My Hammy Kit comes with everything you need to broadcast your very own radio show! It's a big, empty world out there... Fill its airwaves with your vapid thoughts and embarrassing taste in music!**

#### **(ADMIN) Serpent Protocol**

**As the Administrator of this CoolAir Evacuation Colony, you possess the sole discretion to enact the Serpent Protocol.**

**The Serpent Protocol is a fail-safe to be used only in cases of catastrophic failure, such as hostile takeover, by (a) ensuring the safety of humanity from extinction via the evacuation of you and ONE reproductive partner and (b) permanently sealing access to the Technology Chamber, preventing aggressors from using the Nation Foundation Kits for their own gains.**

**Information regarding the Serpent Protocol is to be kept STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL.**

* **About the Serpent Protocol**
* **Initiate Serpent Protocol**
* **Back**

##### **About the Serpent Protocol**

**The Serpent Protocol is a two-stage emergency CoolAir Evacuation Colony evacuation protocol.**

**Upon activation, the Technology Chamber is permanently sealed from the outside. This is to prevent the technology held within the Nation Foundation Kits from falling into the hands of potential aggressors and being used against the evacuees.**

**Activating the Serpent Protocol will also activate the two Evacuation Pods located within the Technology Chamber.**

**To ensure both the future survival of the human race and that the Serpent Protocol is not abused by a single Administrator, the Evacuation pods will not function unless the Administrator is accompanied by viable reproductive partner.**

**Once both Evacuation Pods are determined to be occupied by the CoolAir Evacuation Colony's main system, the Evacuation Pods will be launched at high velocity through the colony's exhaust port, and ejected into the atmosphere above.**

##### **Initiate Serpent Protocol**

**The SERPENT PROTOCOL has been activated. Please stand clear of the Technology Chamber doors.**

**The Technology Chamber has been permanently sealed and the Evacuation Pods are now open.**

**Evacuation will commence automatically once a subject has been detected in each of the Evacuation Pods.**

## **Personal Terminals**

### **A Benefit**

**Welcome to Alistair BBS!**

* **MESSAGE: A Benefit**
* **Quit**

#### **MESSAGE: A Benefit**

**From: arlh.ca3**

**To: all.ca3**

**Subject: A Benefit**

**I was thinking. Once all this is over, I would love to hold a benefit concert for all of those we lost in the nuclear strikes. Anyone else want in on this? I'm willing to split the proceeds 80/20.**

### **BIG MUSCLES**

**Welcome to Alistair BBS!**

* **MESSAGE: BIG MUSCLES [ATTACHMENT]**
* **Quit**

#### **MESSAGE: BIG MUSCLES [ATTACHMENT]**

**From: clav.ca3**

**To: all.ca3**

**Subject: BIG MUSCLES**

**IF YOU WANT TO BE A BIG MACHO MOVIE MAN LIKE ME, PRACTICE HARD AND WORK OUT HARD EVERY DAY. A STRICT REGIMEN AND FOCUSED DISCIPLINE IS THE KEY TO GAINING SUPREME STRENGTH.**

**OR DRINK THIS.**

* **Download attachment**
* **Back**

### **Diskjoy**

**Welcome to Alistair BBS!**

* **MESSAGE: Discjoy**
* **MESSAGE: RE: Discjoy**
* **MESSAGE: RE: RE: Discjoy**
* **MESSAGE: RE: RE: RE: Discjoy**
* **Quit**

#### **MESSAGE: Discjoy**

**From: karp.ca3**

**To: all.ca3**

**Subject: Discjoy**

**Anyone bring a Discjoy in here? I brought a collection of my band's greatest hits on Disc but I left my Discjoy back at the studio.**

#### **MESSAGE: RE: Discjoy**

**From: hali.ca3**

**To: karp.ca3**

**Subject: RE: Discjoy**

**sure! i never go anywhere without it. i can't even imagine what life was like before the discjoy. what did people even listen to back then.**

**by the way, what band are you in??? maybe i've heard of you ;)**

#### **MESSAGE: RE: RE: Discjoy**

**From: karp.ca3**

**To: hali.ca3**

**Subject: RE: RE: Discjoy**

**Great! I'm the bassist of Mutant Metal Avengers. Where can we meet up?**

#### **MESSAGE: RE: RE: RE: Discjoy**

**From: hali.ca3**

**To: karp.ca3**

**Subject: RE: RE: RE: Discjoy**

**mutant metal avengers...**

**oh, shoot... you know what... i think totally ditzed and forgot to pack mine too...**

**sorry!**

### **Freezing**

**Welcome to Alistair BBS!**

* **MESSAGE: Freezing**
* **MESSAGE: RE: Freezing**
* **Quit**

#### **MESSAGE: Freezing**

**From: maro.ca3**

**To: all.ca3**

**Subject: Freezing**

**Jesus, it's freezing in here. Any of you pretty young actresses want to come by and make some movie magic with me ;) ;)**

#### **MESSAGE: RE: Freezing**

**From: tamp.ca3**

**To: maro.ca3**

**Subject: RE: Freezing**

**aren't you the guy that does the voices for the bunny on that kids show evergreen lane?**

### **Holy C R A P guys!!!**

**Welcome to Alistair BBS!**

* **MESSAGE: Holy C R A P guys!!!**
* **MESSAGE: RE: Holy C R A P guys!!!**
* **MESSAGE: RE: Holy C R A P guys!!!**
* **Quit**

#### **MESSAGE: Holy C R A P guys!!!**

**From: vinc.ca3**

**To: all.ca3**

**Subject: Holy C R A P guys!!!**

**I was just watching TV today and we've GOT to stop a war from happening! Apparently in the case of a nuclear war almost everyone on Earth will die. Now personally when it comes to almost everyone on Earth, I could take or leave them, but I did a little thinking: people are the people who buy our stuff!!! If they die then we'll have less money and less attention! Does anybody have the same agent as Jimmy Carter? We have to move fast on this**

#### **MESSAGE: RE: Holy C R A P guys!!!**

**From: barp.ca3**

**To: vinc.ca3**

**Subject: RE: Holy C R A P guys!!!**

**No worries Vince, I've got this: Tony's little girl was in that scary "Halloween" movie Jimmy Carter directed. I'll let him know that the movers and shakers in this town think this nuclear thing could be a bad move**

#### **MESSAGE: RE: Holy C R A P guys!!!**

**From: vinc.ca3**

**To: barp.ca3**

**Subject: RE: Holy C R A P guys!!!**

**PHEW! Thanks Barry. That was a close one. I've got a new album coming out in a few months and all of my fans dying would be a MAJOR blow to me since my contract with the label is performance based.**

**By the way what's up with all the stuff about all these people starving to death? Like, duh! Eat some damn food! It's not rocket science.**

### **Sammy is such a capital L loser!**

**Welcome to Alistair BBS!**

* **MESSAGE: Sammy is such a capital L loser!**
* **MESSAGE: RE: Sammy is such a capital L loser!**
* **MESSAGE: RE: Sammy is such a capital L loser!**
* **MESSAGE: RE: Sammy is such a capital L loser!**
* **MESSAGE: RE: Sammy is such a capital L loser!**
* **MESSAGE: RE: Sammy is such a capital L loser!**
* **MESSAGE: RE: Sammy is such a capital L loser!**
* **Quit**

#### **MESSAGE: Sammy is such a capital L loser!**

**From: katt.ca3**

**To: mint.ca3**

**Subject: Sammy is such a capital L loser!**

**Ever since she came back from that shoot in Japan she's been hauling that DiscJoy thing around with her everywhere. Like, get over it already, you're not on the job here, you don't need to keep up with the product placement! Sheesh! Japan's not that great, my dad went there and said the only thing he brought back was PTSD.**

**- Kat**

#### **MESSAGE: RE: Sammy is such a capital L loser!**

**From: mint.ca3**

**To: katt.ca3**

**Subject: RE: Sammy is such a capital L loser!**

**well that may be, but you know, i saw the negatives from that shoot, i looked in the mirror, and i just feel inadequate you know? like, maybe my own ass isn't as oily and grossly surgically enlarged as i thought it was... in a bit of a funk...**

**minnie**

#### **MESSAGE: RE: Sammy is such a capital L loser!**

**From: katt.ca3**

**To: mint.ca3**

**Subject: RE: Sammy is such a capital L loser!**

**Oh girl, shut UP! Your ass is the most grotesquely and needlessly modified ass in our whole group. Your ass is an inspiration to the other girls here.**

**- Kat**

#### **MESSAGE: RE: Sammy is such a capital L loser!**

**From: mint.ca3**

**To: katt.ca3**

**Subject: RE: Sammy is such a capital L loser!**

**i guess you're right... maybe it's not my ass. maybe it's something more innate and intrinsic to my being... i think i should see my doctor**

**minnie**

#### **MESSAGE: RE: Sammy is such a capital L loser!**

**From: katt.ca3**

**To: mint.ca3**

**Subject: RE: Sammy is such a capital L loser!**

**Good thinking, girl. You know I didn't want to say anything, but that mole on your face makes you look like something from one of those Space War movies. Glad you're going to get it removed!**

**- Kat**

#### **MESSAGE: RE: Sammy is such a capital L loser!**

**From: mint.ca3**

**To: katt.ca3**

**Subject: RE: Sammy is such a capital L loser!**

**...i meant my brain... i think i'm depressed**

#### **MESSAGE: RE: Sammy is such a capital L loser!**

**From: mint.ca3**

**To: katt.ca3**

**Subject: RE: Sammy is such a capital L loser!**

**...i meant my brain... i think i'm depressed**

### **where will we go for fresh air?**

**Welcome to Alistair BBS!**

* **MESSAGE: where will we go for fresh air?**
* **MESSAGE: RE: where will we go for fresh air?**
* **Quit**

#### **MESSAGE: where will we go for fresh air?**

**From: jona.ca3**

**To: all.ca3**

**Subject: where will we go for fresh air?**

**soooo when we get closed in this place i think ill get pretty bored and sstuff i really like to be out in nature but i dont know this area very well when i bought my place here i did look at the brochure and i kicked the metaphorical tires and took a look around but it was more sort of an impulse buy for me so what do you guys think are there any good walks or coffee shops nearby let me know thanks**

**jon**

#### **MESSAGE: RE: where will we go for fresh air?**

**From: brat.ca3**

**To: jona.ca3**

**Subject: RE: where will we go for fresh air?**

**Yo Jonny, my golf club isn't that far from here. If you go a bit stir crazy in here after the bombs drop just hit me up, it's not that far in the car and the staff are really careful about parking up. I'm not sure what the membership costs will be like after armageddon, so if I'm you armageddon on the phone right about now!**

**Brad**