The Depraved (in Select-O-Vision)

## The Episode

Mr. Lobo debuts Select-O-Vision technology to let viewers choose how scenes of *The Depraved* will play out, but it doesn't turn out the way he expected.

## *The Depraved (in Select-O-Vision)*

### Secret message

1-8-9-8-9-13-8-1, 2-13 7-17-23-25 5-3-26-8 7-17 2-8-3-6-17-8-15-15. 13-11-23-23-8-14-15!

### Wraps

**Wrap 1**

Mr. Lobo is distracted by a strangely-glowing film can he's holding, which he goes on to introduce as "Stanley Kubrick's favorite film," "one part Cronenberg, one part Hitchcock," "Ray Dennis Steckler's lost masterpiece," *The Depraved*. He then braces for the "powers-that-be" to tell him he has to show *Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla* instead, but they don't! Invigorated, he tells the tale of how the film was thought lost until his copy was found propping up a table in a Grand Theft Taco restaurant in El Segundo, California. He then proudly states that the film will be presented in Select-O-Vision, in which viewers can select from multiple branching scenes to decide who lives, and who dies. *The Depraved!*

**Wrap 2**

An exuberant Mr. Lobo eats popcorn with Miss Mittens, and dances to the surf rock soundtrack. Miss Mittens might be dancing, too. It's hard to tell.

**Wrap 3**

With the assistance of Miss Mittens and Kogarella, Mr. Lobo administers the Insomniacs Oath.

**Wrap 4**

Mr. Lobo's Select-O-Vision remote isn't working, and his See n' Say is swearing at him.

**Wrap 5**

Mr. Lobo abandons the high-tech and brings in his trusty computer, AbbaKiss, to shore up the Select-O-Vision system (which involved viewers voting for their preferred outcomes on the Cinema Insomnia Patreon). He then moves on to the Insomniac Mail Sac, where little Aaron M. Lane (producer, *Cinema Insomnia*) tries to subject his method of suicide to Select-O-Vision voters.

**Wrap 6**

Miss Mittens is walking out on the show, and Mr. Lobo bemoans the quality of his staff, vowing to fire everyone (when he can afford to). However Mr. Lobo is excited to say they'll have a "legend of the silver screen" in studio later to help with the snack bar segment. In the meantime, it's time to cast the first Select-O-Vision votes! But the polls have a write-in option, which Mr. Lobo explains is impractical, so he has to call the nerds in IT again.

**Wrap 7**

Mr. Lobo is back, with the results from the first Select-O-Vision/Ask Jeeves/Prodigy/WebTV poll. After seeing that people have voted for the write-in category, Mr. Lobo begins to grow agitated in explaining why they should not do that.

**Wrap 8**

Mr. Lobo proudly shows off his own starring series of *Lose Your Own Adventure* books. Mr. Lobo is disappointed to find that he dies a gruesome death in them.

**Wrap 9**

Mr. Lobo explains director William Castle's "thumbs up/thumbs down" voting gimmick employed during screenings of his 1961 film, *Mr. Sardonicus*.

**Wrap 10**

Mr. Lobo introduces the Snack Bar segment, and his special guest, Admiral Snackbar, to make Admiral Snackbar's Cheesy Rattraps! But it quickly goes off the rails and doesn't get back on the rails. (Producer Aaron M. Lane has an all-time classic of all time off-screen cameo.) (RIP Admiral Snackbar.)

**Wrap 11**

Mr. Lobo screws around with *Brazil* using his Select-O-Vision remote.

**Wrap 12**

Mr. Lobo recaps the movie so far, using a Viewmaster.

**Wrap 13**

Mr. Lobo introduces the next Angelfire/Game.com Select-O-Vision poll.

**Wrap 14**

Mr. Lobo introduces tonight's lucky Reel 7 Girl: Kogarella! But she slaps him and storms off. So Mr. Lobo reveals the results of the last Lycos/Pets.com Select-O-Vision poll, and this time the write-in won, casting Mr. Lobo into disbelieving despair.

**Wrap 15**

Mr. Lobo can only stare in disbelief at what we have wrought.

**Wrap 16**

Mr. Lobo is apoplectic. I spelled that right on the first try.

**Wrap 17**

Mr. Lobo's desperate. Select-O-Vision has become the Monster at the End of the Book to his Grover. He's begging voters not to make this movie any dumber.

**Wrap 18**

Mr. Lobo uses his Select-O-Vision remote to ruin *Return of the Jedi*. Well, more.

**Wrap 19**

Mr. Lobo has had it with the *morons* at home. His words! And he drops a fudge bomb too!

**Wrap 20**

Mr. Lobo has entered the bargaining stage.

**Wrap 21**

Mr. Lobo has entered the acceptance stage.

**Wrap 22**

Mr. Lobo has circled back and re-entered the anger stage.

**Wrap 23**

I don't even know what stage this is. Quietly enraged nausea. But he finds a possible escape from his suffering!

**Wrap 24**

Mr. Lobo has uncovered a conspiracy that will shake him to his very core. And get Miss Mittens's Commodore 64 taken away for a week.

### Ads

* **Night Trap, 25th Anniversary Edition**
* **Quaker** Sugar Puffs cereal, "Honey Monster"
* **Kellogg's** "Frosties" cereal
* **Milton Bradley** "Dark Tower" board game (starring Orson Welles!)
* **Mego** "2 XL" robot toy (redubbed, presumably)
* Let's All Go to the Lobby to Get Ourselves a Treat!
* **Kenner** "Star Wars action figures from the Empire Strikes Back collection"
* **Nolan's Cheddar** "Seriously Strong"
* **Devo** "Adventures of the Smart Patrol"
* **Kellogg's** "Sugar Frosted Flakes" cereal (featuring Clark Kent, star of Superman!)

### Movie Trailers

* *Top Secret!* (1984)
* *Scream* (1996)
* *Mr. Sardonicus* (1961)
* *Harum Scarum* (1965)
* *Batman and Robin* (1997)
* *Eegah!* (1962)
* *Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter* (2001)
* *Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla* (1952)

### Shorts

* ***Clerks*** clip (1994)
* Ray Dennis Steckler interview clip
* ***Independence Day*** clip (1996)
* Batman "curb drill" PSA starring Adam West

### Cast

* Mr. Lobo...Mister Lobo
* Miss Mittens...Herself
* Kogarella...Dixie Dellamorto (trainer)
* Admiral Holdout...Laura Owens
* AbbaKiss...Herself
* Gal 9000...Herself
* Admiral Snackbar (by name only)
* Aaron M. Lane...Himself
* The Harbinger...Aaron M. Lane

### Quotes

>
> "*We're going to resolve these disputes the old fashioned way. By shouting our opinions anonymously on the internet.*"
> —Mr. Lobo
> "*You're NOT WRITERS. You're on THAT SIDE OF THE SCREEN for a REASON.*"
> —Mr. Lobo, to the audience
>

### Trivia

* The character played offscreen by Aaron M. Lane who updates Mr. Lobo about Admiral Snackbar's death is named The Harbinger.
* Dedicated in memory of actor Sid Haig.

## *The Adventures of Rat Pfink and Boo Boo, AKA Rat Pfink A Boo Boo*

### Runtime

72 minutes

Cinema's first mid-movie crisis!