Reboots

## Transcript

Jake Humphrey: Welcome, everyone. My name is Jake Humphrey, and which at the time of this point, is still a thing that exists. Just from looking at your clothes and weight, I can tell you all watch a lot of television. As you may or may not care, WW Adventures is in its 8th season. And since universal kids is now on CBBC, which will someday be owned on netflix, which will someday be owned on YTV, we have decided that the show is ready for a reboot. Now, as most unfunny women will tell you, women are very funny. That's why our first reboot is a school drama, and also built around the very popular Natasha.

Natalie: It's Natalie.

Jake Humphrey: Whatever. The student.

(Upbeat sitcom music playing)

Natalie: This is our time, This is our moment, This is a short song for syndication. ♪N-Kins!

Spitz: Going to work, huh?

Natalie: Yes, Spitzy, I'm going to work.

Spitz: Great! More and more women are doing that.

Akai Osei: good morning girl, how are you?

Natalie: I’m fine, You know, I just want to say again that you were totally right last night to bring up that thing I did wrong 11 years ago.

Akai Osei: And please feel free to bring it up again anytime, even if we're talking about something completely unrelated.

Natalie: Thank you, Akai, I will. (Laughs) Oh, I-I know you will.

Spitz: Morning, N-kins.

Natalie: Hey, spitz.

Oh, hello, couple who's constantly jogging. What are you up to this morning? Just adopting?

Natalie: Yeah, we're network TV, so all we can do is adopt children and smooch, no tongue stuff.

Tom Rolinson: Isn't that right, sweetie?

Mona: Morning, N-kins. How was your night last night?

Natalie: Great. I worked out, made dinner, a little family time, and had Tony’s ankles up in the air by 11:00.

Mona: God, I admire you. That's what you're here for, fashion.

Natalie: (Gasps) Oh, I almost forgot. Dribble wants to see you in his office.

Mona: Oh? What about? He didn't say. But it sounded hashtag serious. Aw, meeting with the boss. This is gonna be worse than finding a spider in the kitchen.

Natalie: Oh, my God. Emily, there's a spider in here! Yeah, I know, genius.

Tony: Hi, n-kins. I wanted to let you know I'm considering you for a big promotion.

Natalie: Really? That's amazing. (Chuckles)

Emily: Well, the job's not yours yet. It's between you and one other person, I hit a jogger on my way to work today.

(after it’s over)

Jake Humphrey: Many recent shows have found success by rebooting themselves as gritty supernatural teen dramas, which are watched by as many as 6,000 people a year, so we thought a similar approach might work I'm guessing we're wrong, but let's find out for sure.

(Slow, dramatic music playing)

Female singer: Ooh, ooh... Ooh, ooh... It's a show for teens A show for teens Something's not normal But what does normal mean In a world that's on fire?

Jimmy t: Hey, bro, great job with sports today.

Kat: Thanks, T. We're almost ready for the important sports game.

Ana: Hey, guys.

Kat: Hey, ana. Good gender-fluid shower? Great gender-fluid shower.

Jimmy t: Dad, what are you doing here? Putting my gender fluid in the shower. Also, I'm the town sheriff, but you don't find that out till later because it's not relevant to the story.

Kat: Cricket, there you are. Ana, what's wrong? Why aren't you in class?

Ana: I have to go. Wait, where are you going? I'm gonna go to a club I'm too young to get into and listen to a band that's on a label owned by the same parent company as the network.

Jimmy t: Hey, who left their gender fluid in the shower?

(Slow, dramatic music playing, Thunder rumbling)

Female singer: Blue rain (2x)

( Upbeat rock music playing )

Joe: So, what can I get for you teens?

Kat: Um, how's the taste?

Ashley: Terrible, even at the best restaurants. We'll have five of those. It just doesn't make sense.

Jimmy t: Who would want to kill Red?

Ashley: Um, can we all be quiet?

Joe: (Chuckles) We've been asked to nod our heads while the band plays the song our parent company is aggressively marketing.

(Upbeat rock music playing)

Female singer: One of us is your kid Ooh (3x)

Ashley: I can't even with this. I'm gonna go get some air and pebble-up my nipples.

(Ominous music playing, Low growling)

(Slow, dramatic music playing)

Female singer: Moments later.

Young cricket: You guys, check it out. Ana just got into the college for people with bright futures.

Ana: Oh, cool. Is she still gonna major in "lot to live for"?

Kat: Yep. I think she's the one kid who's gonna get out of this town.

(ana screams outside)

Kat: Ana?! I'll be right there. I just have to drink a product-placement beverage first.

(after the second reboot)

Jake Humphrey: I know you've been here all day, but it's not like you have jobs to go to, so I'm going to show you one more reboot idea.

Jade Alleyne: Which Wi-Fi should we be logging onto?

Jake Humphrey: Universal kids Public.

Jade Alleyne: Yeah, that's what I've been trying.

Jake Humphrey: Sometimes networks will cancel a show only to reboot it with less-popular characters from the original, while the more-popular actors go on to find greater success in movies or ugly public divorces.

Woman: so cool is filmed before a live studio audience.

9 volt: I'll get it.

(Audience applauds)

9 volt: Hello? Oh, hey there