Pump the Stakes

***Pump the Stakes*** is the twenty-fifth episode of *Off Book: The Improvised Musical,* and features guest Jon Gabrus, who, as it turns out, is also the night manager at Earwolf. It follows a recently single father, who is taking his two children to the zoo, and a police officer, Jeanette Woman, who is trying to contain an escaped alligator alone.

## Plot

### Act I

Stuck in a shitty Subaru at an intersection, a father (later to be revealed as Jeff), is pumping the brakes of his car to the beat of the music. Jeff begins to discuss the concept of "edging" and sex with his two mortified children, Lucy and Jack, who beg him to stop ("Pump the Brakes"). As they are pulled over by a police officer, the father tells his children to swallow bags of weed. The police officer decides to let Jeff off with a warning, advising him against edging into the intersection and to pump the brakes on the off-beat of a song. The officer gives Jeff her card (which lists her number as 9-1-1), and observes, from the tan line on his ring finger, that he is either recently divorced or widowed. Jack clarifies that his mother died, after which Jeff divorced her, post-mortem. The police officer approves of Jeff's choice of coating mozzarella sticks in sea-salt, and asks him to call her, which he promises to do even though he prefers e-mail ("Cop Card").

The police officer then flies away, and Jeff checks the name on the card, which reveals her to be Officer Jeanette Woman. The children express enthusiasm at the idea of their father finding a new partner, which leads him to launch into another attempt at educating his children about sex. He advises them to say yes to any and every sexual proposition ("Just Say Yes"). Though Jack and Lucy appreciate him trying to give advice, they ultimately decide to trust themselves and generally be open to experiences. Jeff mistakenly addresses a third child, Raphael, who died in the same car crash as his wife on the way to Kung Fu practice (his wife gained custody of Raphael in the divorce afterwards).

At the 9-1-1 call center, a group of operators converse around a pot of Sumatran blend coffee to relax. They tell each other what they wish they could say to the emergency callers who come to them for help with high-stress situations ("Calm Down"). A coworker, Jeremiah, yells at them to pick up the phones, as the lines are "lit up like a goddamn menorah," and after he explains what he means, he is distracted by the Sumatran blend coffee ("Calm Down [Reprise]").

Officer Jeanette is at the zoo, begging two busy elephant trainers for help in getting an alligator with knives back in his cage. After being dismissed, Jeanette stares into a reflective flamingo pool and encourages herself to stay courageous despite being alone; hearing her, two flamingos help her get popcorn to lay a trail to lead the alligator back to his enclosure ("Jeanette Woman").

### Act II

Jeff, Jack, and Lucy take a meandering route to the zoo, and they stop to look out at a vista at the base of the cliff on which the zoo is perched. The children reveal that they baked the weed into brownies with Lucy's Easy-Bake Oven, which was the toy she was allowed to bring with her on the road trip (while Jack brought his stuffed alligator), and then consumed them. The three of them witness an alligator climbing vertically up the vista, and the children have epiphanies about the nature of cliffs and ravines (among other things). Jack attempts to go kiss the alligator ("I'm So High").

As he climbs the cliff, Jerry the alligator is eating the popcorn trail laid out by Officer Jeanette Woman out of spite, due to being told he couldn't do it. He reflects on his love for Orville Redenbacher popcorn, and particularly his favorite topping of nutritional yeast ("Nutritional Yeast").

Still luring the alligator to his cage, the flamingos ask Jeanette why she doesn't have a police partner. She reveals that she used to have a partner, but he flew south for the winter (hang gliding from the top of a ravine/bottom of a cliff) and got pulled into a jet engine and died. Jeanette has a flashback to the event, in which she and Officer Marshall declare work-love for each other. The drunk pilot of Flight 800, Major Tom, calls an air traffic control tower to confirm he is descending to the bottom of the ravine/top of a cliff, although the tower is unattended but for one distracted operator. Due to his work-love for Jeanette, Marshall ignores the jet engine of the plane and is torn apart ("Work-Love"). The pilot, invigorated, flies the commercial plane into space, where they may still sometimes be seen crossing the night sky. In the present, the flamingos (who prefer not to be called 'Mingos, as it is a slur) invite Jeanette to a flamingle, and make several requests for shrimp ("Flamingo Demands"). Jeanette ushers them to safety, away from the alligator.

Jeanette confronts the alligator, while Jeff, having scaled the cliff with his kids, decides to call her. Jeff connects to a 9-1-1 operator who, despite realizing there is no emergency, recognizes that Jeanette has been single for a very long time. Jeff and Jeanette are connected via the operator, and they realize that the alligator she is trying to contain is the same alligator Jeff's son just kissed and is currently riding, and that the two of them are standing next to each other. Jeanette and Jeff connect over their respective losses. Jack rides the alligator back into the zoo while Lucy gathers nutritional yeast from the baking supplies she keeps in the car at all times to help. Jeff confesses his love to Jeanette and the alligator returns to his cage, receiving an apology from the other alligators for saying that he couldn't climb a cliff, who then give him a Hanukkah gift of more nutritional yeast ("Nutritional Yeast/I'm So High/Jeanette, I Love You, Woman/Just Say Yes [Medley]"). Jack asks the alligator if they can be best friends, and, appreciative for all he's done, the alligator agrees. Major Tom and Marshall fly through the sky, able to go to heaven or hell now that Jeanette has found love, and Raphael in his yellow belt Kung Fu uniform and Jeff's ex-wife appear as ghosts to give Jeff their blessing. Raphael asks to go to the Outback Stakehouse they used to visit, but Jeanette informs them it closed down due to lack of popularity, offering Bubba Gump Shrimp as an alternative ("Bubba Gump Shrimp"). The father climaxes and they all leave together ("Pump the Stakes (finale)").

**Show/Hide**
## Musical Cast

### Jon Gabrus

* Dad/Jeff Maine
* 9-1-1 Operator Deb
* Jeremiah
* Elephant Trainer #1
* Flamingo #1
* Major Tom
* Alligator #2

### Jessica McKenna

* Lucy Maine
* Officer Jeanette Woman
* 9-1-1 Operator Tina
* Air Traffic Control Operator
* Flight Attendant
* Alligator #1
* Ghost Mom

### Zach Reino

* Jack Maine
* 9-1-1 Operator #1
* Elephant Trainer #2
* Flamingo #2
* Alligator Jerry
* Officer Marshall
* Ghost Raphael

## Songs

* "Pump the Brakes" (5:13)
* "Cop Card" (10:50)
* "Just Say Yes" (14:14)
* "Calm Down" (18:58)
* "Calm Down (Reprise)" (21:20)
* "Jeanette Woman" (23:10)
* "I'm So High" (30:50)
* "Nutritional Yeast" (35:03)
* "Work-Love" (37:40)
* "Flamingo Demands" (43:14)
* "Nutritional Yeast/I'm So High/Jeanette, I Love You, Woman/Just Say Yes (Medley)" (49:24)
* "Bubba Gump Shrimp" (53:08)
* "Pump the Stakes (Finale)" (56:32)

Closing Song:

* "Are You Dead, If You're Dead, You Gotta Tell Me" (New Phone, Who Dis?) *(1:01:28)*