2018 5th Place Game Naming Tournament - Introduction

## Introduction

Hey everybody! Welcome back to the LOC website. Quick word
to the wise: if anyone gets a virus-ish popup ad on the site let me know ASAP.
It happened earlier this year but I think the issue has been resolved. This was just one of Glorio’s tests.

It is officially June, which means it is time for our annual naming tournament. For anyone who does not know what the Naming Tournament is (I’m looking at you, Butt), we decided last year that we were going to just
start naming a bunch of shit. The tournaments were actually really fun. So now that all the important stuff is named we’re just going to keep on naming things until we’re out of things to name. Hence, we have here a challenge to name the 5th place game! But more on that in a bit.

So far the tourneys have given us some great names.

You will be given points depending on how well you do in the tourney and those points go towards the Off-Season Competition.

The winner of the Off-Season Competition will get their dues reimbursed by the Commish. I say reimburse because you still have to pay in the Yahoo app (the earlier you pay your dues the more points you get towards the Off-Season Tournament). So far only Nate and Commish have paid. I'm giving Commish 550 points for being first to pay (shoutout to him) and Nate gets 500 Off-Season points for being second. Anyone care to join? You're going to have to pay eventually...

## Off-Season Standings

2018 Off-Season Standings
 Nate
 Momma
 Shotti
 Papa
 Chan
 Chris P.
 Patrick
 Duck
 Butt

Now, Butt, you will notice you have -1,000 points. That's a pretty bad look. Burns really put you in a tough spot here. I'm going to go ahead and bump you back up to 0 to give you a fair chance. You're already caught up to Zach and Pat, so nice work.

Speaking of Butt and Burns (not to be confused with butt burns which are terrible. I experienced butt burn yesterday after eating Jamaican food. NOT GREAT BOB), we have some cleanup to do before we get to our tourney.

## RIP(dab) in Peace JarJarStinks!

I guess now we know why JarJar Stinks. Because he's a rotting corpse.

By now you have all heard the news: Joe Burns AKA “JarJar
Stinks!” was sacrificed to Glorio, the one true Fantasy Overlord.  Yes, it’s true, Burns has left the league
after three years. I think we can all agree JB was a solid guy, a standup person, great father, always did the right thing and was all-in-all terrible at fantasy football. This being a fantasy football league, I think Burns finally had enough and decided he needed to focus on other, less important things, such as being a better husband, continuing to fight fires/save lives, and have good overall mental health. Dumb!

JB will be remembered best for his miracle 2016 run that took him from last in 2015 to one win away from being crowned Glory Bowl VI champion. He missed the playoffs in 2015 despite being tied for 6th place with Sweet Dee, then in 2017 had a 5 game win streak sandwiched between two 4-game losing streaks and ended up losing the Million Dollar Game.

^Only the ten active teams plus JarJar are tracked in this category (11 teams).

So that's it for JarJar for now. We say goodbye to a three-year vet and hello to the 2012 phantom menace.

## The Return of Butt Fuckers

I am very happy to be welcoming back 2012’s Million Dollar Game champion, Butt Fuckers. BF has history with the league, knows the majority of us (either in real life or through the LOC) and has done nothing in the five years between seasons but train to be a better player.

### 2012

In 2012, Butt Fuckers was playing Fantasy Football for the first time. The league consisted of the 8 core guys we still have (momma, Papa, Commish, RIP, Pain Train, P9, Duck Punchers, and Shotti in his inaugural season), and Pat's ex-girlfriend (skull emoji).

### Lockout

Butt Fuckers' first half of 2012 was defined by a lockout that caused them to miss setting their lineup for the first six weeks. Sources close to the scandal maintain that a forgotten Yahoo password was to blame, but unrest in the lockerroom has been reported in the years since. The lockout ended with a 3-3 record.

### TankGate

The team is best remembered for their role in the 2012 Tankgate Scandal that rocked the league almost to the point of destruction and led to sweeping reforms that are still in place today.

RIPDab, then known as The Storm, went into the draft that year with a unique strategy: draft all the elite RB handcuffs. It backfired and he finished with the worst season in LOC history. Everyone knows that part.

At .500, BF needed to make moves with their roster, and with RIP's team already gearing up for next season, the two partnered in one-sided personnel moves that involved big time players being exchanged for 2013 draft picks.

This led to a showdown between Commish and RIP, with BF a 3rd party to the power struggle. RIP felt entitled to the picks, while BF was happy to mortgage their future considering they probably wouldn't play next season. In the end, the veto rule changed to a 48-hour democratic voting process and RIP did not get any 2013 draft pick trades processed.

Butt Fuckers full bio can be found here

### The 2012 Million Dollar Game

As willed by the Fantasy Gods, RIP and BF faced off in the Million Dollar Game that season. BF, without any of the players from the vetoed trades, defeated RIP and in doing so launched the Even Year Curse which plagued Nate for years to come.

### Top Regular Season Games

3. 10th Butt Fuckers (0-1) vs. 1st Pain Train WOO WOO (1-0)

* 09/17/12 - Week 2
* Score: **BF (251.20)** vs. PT (194.72)
* Cultural Significance: After scoring the lowest week one point total in the league, Butt Fuckers faced off against the league's leading scorer. The roles completely reversed, with BF becoming week 2's top scorer PT posting the 2nd-lowest score of the week.

2. 4th Butt Fuckers (3-3) vs. Why am I doing this (2-4)

* 10/22/12 - Week Seven
* Score: **BF (177.78)** vs. WDT (134.16)
* Cultural Significance: BF went 3-3 during the lockout, and for the first time since week one they were actually setting their lineup. As a result, they won back-to-back games for the first and ultimately only time all seaon. The win put them at 4-3, good for 4th place, and sent Why am I doing this to 10th. WDT would go on the best end-of-season run in LOC history and finish 6th, while BF went 1-5 to end the year.

1. 8th Butt Fuckers (4-8) vs. 5th Paddock 9 (7-5)

* 12/03/12 - Week Thirteen
* Score: **BF (211.51)** vs. Paddock 9 (198.81)
* Cultural Significance: BF breaks 200 for just the 4th time and brings down playoffs hopeful P9 in the closest week 13 matchup. It was a statement finish to the 2012 season for the future Million Dollar Game champion. Patrick, meanwhile, would miss playoffs for four straight years following a devastating week 14 loss to the Commish, 244.43-175.43.

### Head-to-Head Records

Teams They've Never Beaten: Garoppoblow Me, ma ma momma said, Papa's Posse, Duck Punchers, The Shotti Bunch.

Teams They've Never Lost To: RIPDab, Paddock 9

Team They've Never Played: Sweet Dee

Butt Fuckers currently has a 6-9 overall record. NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE.

### Team Stats

^Only the ten active teams plus JarJar are tracked in this category (11 teams).

### Legacy

Many have forgotten Butt Fuckers in the annals of time. Their season, albeit one filled with drama, controversy, and butt fucking, marked one of the worst years of a franchise in the history of the league. With a tarnished legacy, BF now returns from years of fantasy footall training. They have everything to prove and a chip on their shoulders.

## 2018 Fifth Place Game Naming Tournament

Great, now that we are reacquainted with our old friend, let's get down to business.

Now, I know what you're thinking. How the fuck do we name the 5th place game? It's the most meaningless of the Bowl games. It isn't even played on Bowl Week! Maybe the name should have something to do with that? I'm not the creative genius here I only do the write ups, run the league, have a podcast, wrote a book, directed a movie that was entered into an Oscar-qualified Film Festival, and have one of my poems published in a collection which currently resides at the Library of Congress in Washington D.C. You guys are the talent here.

The rules of the game are simple.

Everyone privately send me TWO names to enter into the Naming Tournament. Don't tell anyone else what your ideas are, since everyone is entered anonymously.

I'll randomly generate the bracket and set up the voting. I cannot vote since I'm the only person who knows everyone's names, but I will still be submitting two names on Glorio's behalf.

If two people send me the same name, the first person who sent it gets priority and the second will be asked to think of a different name. I'll reveal the scoring next week with the first tourney write-up.

Quick history of the 5th place game:

2011

* Winner: Garoppoblow Me
* Loser: Pain Train WOO WOO

2012

* Winner: Paddock 9
* Loser: Why am I doing this?

2013

* Winner: Duck Punchers
* Loser: IAMGROOT

2014

* Winner: Papa's Posse
* Loser: Pain Train WOO WOO

2015

* Winner: Sweet Dee
* Loser: Papa's Posse

2016

* Winner: Paddock 9
* Loser: Duck Punchers

2017

* Winner: Paddock 9
* Loser: Duck Punchers

Paddock 9 has played in this game 3 times and is 3-0. He has played, and won, this game every season that he made playoffs. This includes a victory over his ex-girlfriend. He often uses his 5th place victory as a way to brag about post-season success.

Duck Punchers has also played this game 3 times and is 1-2. He has lost to P9 each of the last two seasons.

Papa is 1-1, while Pain Train is 0-2.

RIPDab, ma ma momma, and The Shotti Bunch are the only two teams with more than a year of experience who have never played in the 5th place game.

## Conclusion

Welcome back, BF. Let's see if this can be your season of redemption. Lord knows we need all the fire power we can get to take down The Shotti Bunch.

Get your names to me in the next couple of days so I can start the Tourney on Monday or Tuesday. Any question, DM me, and let's get it popping!