Harvey Street's Happily N'Ever After

In honor of 160 Pages in the Harvey Girls Forever! Fanon Wiki, we are doing a script for the movie Happily N'Ever After with Harvey Girls Forever characters! Frulan was the 160th page here!

In other news, I now like Butterbean's Cafe. So here goes nothin'!

MarieCurie11-Eddy XD Productions

Village Roadshows Productions

**Zoe:**Evildoers of our kingdom... we're always the losers, the bad guys. Is that fair? No. Well, starting tonight... I give you Happily N'Ever After! (cackling)

**Bobby:** (voiceover) Hold it, hold it, hold it! Would the owner of a light blue coach with "Bunny" plates please move your vehicle? You're parked in a "Spirit Riding Free only" zone. Thank you. While I have your attention, you see that there? That's what we call a "wicked stepmother." Feel free to boo. I know what you're thinking. Who put a wicked stepmother in charge? Were there free elections? Any chance of a recount? You know what? Let's go back a little... and I'll give you the lowdown on Fairytale Land. Yeah, the name's kind of corny... but we had to call it something, and "Canada" was already taken. So, anyway, in this tower high above the prince's palace... is what you might call the Department of Fairytale Land Security. This is where all the stories- you know the ones- Chevronpunzel, Sleeping Maria, The J-Frog Prince, are watched over by Pierre Curie. And his job is to make sure every fairy tale goes by the book... right up to their happy endings. And that's why he has these: The scales of good and evil. See that? They have a little pointer and everything. As long he keeps those things in balance, the stories never change... and the endings stay happy, happy, happy. Mr. Curie also has two assistants: Joel and Billy. Joel's the guy who sees the glass as half empty. Billy's the guy who... probably peed in the glass. You know what I'm talking about-a world-class troublemaker.

(metal creaks)

**Bobby:**(voiceover) Yeah, These are the guys you want to trust your happy ending to.

**Billy:** Aah! Ow!

**Bobby:** (voiceover) Ah, Here's our story. Remember her? She was the one with the whole "Evil, evil, blah, blah, blah" speech a minute ago. Anyway, let me fill you in on everyone in this particular tale. We've got Zoe, the wicked stepmother... and Frufru and Audrey, the ugly stepsisters. Delicate flowers of womanhood.

(Frufru laughs)

**Bobby:**(voiceover) Lotta is the fairy godmother. I think she's a couple Alexas short of a Katie. You know what I'm sayin'? Richie Rich is the Prince Charming.

(pants splitting)

**Bobby:** (voiceover) Hold the charm. And then there's one fair maiden. Dot. You probably know her as Cinderdot but she's always been Dot to me. She's in love with that prince you just saw. What does Dot see in Prince Richie? I have no idea. But just look at her. She's so beautiful. A girl like that could never fall for an ordinary guy like- So, you might be wondering by now who I am. Have a look. No, not Richie. No. Look to the left. Keep going. There I am. You know the Cinderella story, right? Remember Bobby the servant? Of course you don't. I'm the guy who polishes the prince's boots. I'm the guy who washes his dishes and serves his meals... and does his laundry and flosses his teeth. You know what kind of happy ending the royal flosser gets? Right. None. So, that's everyone important- and me. Okay, let's see the title now.

(Zoe cackles)

**Bobby:** (voiceover) Happier music, please.

(Happy Doesn't Have to Have an Ending by They Might Be Giants plays)

(Music playing)

**Bobby:** (voiceover) So here we are, the day of the prince's ball. I managed to swipe some mail from Billy Bellhops, the royal messenger's bag... so I'd have an excuse to visit Cinderdot.

(door opens)

**Dot:** Hello? Oh, Bobby, it's you.

**Bobby:**I'm sorry to be such a disappointment.

**Dot:**No, no. I was expecting the royal messenger.

**Bobby:** With these?

**Dot:**They're here! Did you see him today? What was he wearing?

(Bobby sighs)

**Dot:** One for my stepmother, two for my stepsisters... and none for me.

**Bobby:**Wait. What's that? You've got somethin'... here.

**Dot:**I'm invited too! Just like I've dreamed about. The royal ball. And he'll be there in his royal shirt-

**Bobby:**And his royal boots, which Bobby spent two hours polishing. And it was a royal pain in the butt.

**Dot:**I may even get to dance with him tonight.

**Bobby:**Gosh! Wouldn't that be super? He's dreamy.

(Door slamming)

**Frufru:** (screams) The prince!

**Audrey:**The invitations are here! Move it!

**Dot**: Whoa!

**Frufru:**Give it! It's mine! Out of my way!

(Audrey screams)

**Frufru:** Mom totally hates you.

**Audrey:**She hates you more.

**Frufru:**Nuh-uh. You.

**Audrey:**You totally ripped my coiffure.

**Zoe:**All right, knock it off!

(Villainous music playing)

**Bobby:**Great. Here comes the dragon lady.

**Audrey:**You started it.

**Frufru:**Did not!

**Audrey:**Did too!

**Frufru:**You so did.

**Audrey:**Shut up. She's coming.

**Zoe:**You know, it takes hours to get you looking like that. Now we have to do the whole thing all over again. And you. Hand them over. Hmmm. Come on. Come on. Cough it up.

**Dot:**I am invited, Stepmother.

**Frufru:**​​Oh, pfft. If she goes, she'll just embarrass us.

**Audrey:**She has nothing to wear.

**Zoe:**Now, girls... of course Cinderdot may go. Unfortunately, she has a few things to do before the ball. First, she has to polish my shoes... then cook us a pot roast, whiten the bathtubs... shampoo the cat, reshingle the roof... give the carriage a lube job. Shall I continue?

(Audrey and Frufru laugh)

**Bobby:**Dot, say no! You don't have to put up with that.

**Zoe:** Oh, get back to the kitchen. You're not her Prince Charming. You're the dishwasher.

(Door closes)

**Bobby:**I am not. I do laundry... too.

**Bobby:**(voiceover) Dot isn't the only one who's worked up about the ball. Wolf W. Wolf the prince's so excited it's almost like he has a personality.

**Billy Bellhops:** The same as always, Your Highness?

**Richie:**Not too much off the front. Everything must be perfect. Tonight's the night I meet my damsel. It says so right here in the book. Princely Rule Book, Section 12: "On his 21st birthday... every prince must host a ball to find a damsel... preferably blonde, who is either imprisoned... cursed or distressed."

**Billy:**Oh, great. Our downstairs neighbor, the Richard Formerly Known As Richie Rich. There's gotta be something better on. There's Chevronpunzel... single-handedly keeping the kingdom's shampoo industry in the black. Apparently, her people have yet to master scissor technology. Little Lad Riding Hood. Every beast's favorite between-meals snack.

(Blaze Trickle cackling)

**Billy:** Oh, and then there's Blaze Trickle. Still trying to get the baby. Don't ask me why he wants a baby. Messy diapers and the drooling and the this and the... (blows raspberry)

**Joel:**Can we limit the editorializing?

**Pierre Curie:**Joel. Billy. It's time for my vacation.  I'm off to Scotland.  Remember what I taught you. You have to maintain the balance between good and evil.

**Joel:**Don't worry, boss.

**Billy:**We're pros here, we're your assistants.

**Joel:**Actually, I'm senior assistant.

**Billy:**Oh, what? Just 'cause he hired you 300 years before me, that makes you senior?

(Bagpipes)

**Billy:**Does he know he's wearing a skirt?

**Pierre Curie:**Ahh. That's better. Now, guys, no fooling around with the scales. Same for the staff. No turning lead into gold... no giving yourself huge pectoral muscles, Billy.

**Billy:**Hey. It was a one-time thing, okay?

**Pierre Curie:**And keep a special eye on Cinderdot. She'll be downstairs at Prince Richie's ball tonight.

**Joel:**Everything will go by the book.

**Billy:**Just like it always does.

**Pierre Curie:**Joel, open the portal.

**Joel:**Yes, Your Wizardry.

**Pierre Curie:**And remember. Keep your eyes on the ball.

(Bagpipes)

**Pierre Curie:**Fore!

**Joel:**How do you like that? I'm a prince of portals! A master of magic!

**Billy:**Big deal. You're the doorman. Door Squirrel. Woodland thingy. You know what you are.

**Joel:**Can we get to work, please?

(door opens and closes)

**Melvin**: Hmm?

**Fredo:**Bobby, where have you been? You have to wash the dishes for Prince Richie's ball. You went to see Dot again, didn't you?

**Melvin and Pinkeye:**Mmm-hmm.

**Bobby:**(scoffs) What does she see in that loser prince? She doesn't even know the guy. I have to deal with him every day of my life.

**Fredo:**She is a prince dreamer, mon frère. You're gonna get nowhere with her.

**Bobby:**Shut up. I'm not trying to get anywhere. She's a friend.

**Melvin:**Ah, oui. I know what kind of friend you're talking about.

**Pinkeye:**I need a friend like that, my friend. I tell you, huh?

**Fredo:** Oui. With friends like that, why do you need enemies?

(The Bloogey Boys laugh)

**Billy Bellhops:**Gentlemen! The prince is furious. He demands his cranberry juice.

**Melvin and Pinkeye:**No!

**Fredo:**Not the cake!

**Billy Bellhops:** (gasps) Mmm. Vanilla.

**Zoe:**Come on, girls.

**Frufru:**Think prince.

**Audrey:**Don't work too hard.

**Sunny Flare:**Missed a spot.

**Sunny Flare and Sour Sweet:**See you at the ball. As if. (both laugh)

**Mrs. Tweedy:** Oh, Coraline. Remember. Shampoo and condition the cat. And don't forget to swab out its sores. It loves that. Oops. Sorry. (laughs)

(door closes)

(Coraline crying)

**Horton:**Weepy, weepy, cry, cry, cry, sob. And then, Joy the fairy godmother to the rescue. I love this part. "Don't cry, child."

**Joy:** Don't cry, child. I'm Joy, your fairy godmother. I have come to grant your wish to be a real boy.

**Coraline:**What?

**Joy:**Oh, pffft. You're Cindercoraline, right?

**Coraline:**Yeah.

**Joy:**Then let's get you ready for the ball. Ah. Um. Oh. Oh, uh, that's not right. Hmm.

(Goat bleats)

**Joy:**Oh!

(Duck quacking)

**Joy:** Oh! Nice. Oh, hmm. Yes. Here we go. (hums)

**Coraline:**Oh.

**Joy:**Ah. Uh, Sassy! Uh, oh. Oops. Yes.

**Coraline:**Wow.

(Horse neighs)

**Joy:**You look beautiful, Caroline.

**Coraline:**It's Coraline.

**Horton:**Coraline, going to the ball, again.

(Rex sighs)

**Horton:**(yawns) Sleeping Fiona, still asleep. Somebody get her a double espresso, please. And get me a triple.

**Gloomius Maximus:**You have but three chances to guess my name... and if you fail, your baby shall be mine! (cackles)

**Horton:**Gloomius Maximus, still going for custody. I think he wants weekends, right? Always the same thing. The good guys win.

**Rex:**And what do you want to have happen? Gloomius Maximus gets the baby? Coraline stays a maid?

**Horton:**I just wish we could mix it up a little bit... make it a little edgier. Then let 'em have their happy endings.

**Rex:**We are not tipping the scales of good and evil so you can be entertained.

**Horton:**What if we made the seven dwarves seven feet tall and-

**Rex:**No way.

**Horton:**What about making Blythepunzel go bald?

**Rex:** No. Forget it.

**Horton:**Couldn't we just give her split ends... or dandruff or a mullet or something? What about that?

(Rex growls)

(Horton gasps)

(Rex mumbles)

**Horton:** Oh, look at me. I'm Rex. (blows raspberries)

**Rex:**Horton, get down!

**Horton:** Oh yeah. I am Rex, and my nostrils show. I've got dandruff and bad B.O.!

**Rex:**Stop fooling around. You're gonna break it.

**Horton:**Rex is a bossy know-it-all... with a butt the size of a shopping mall.

**Rex:**Stop it. That's enough!

**Mrs. Tweedy:**All right, girls. We're almost at the ball. What are you doing?

**Sunny Flare:**Give me that perfume!

**Sour Sweet:**It's mine!

**Sunny Flare:**I need it more!

**Sour Sweet:**No, I do!

**Sunny Flare:**I smell like camel sweat.

**Sour Sweet:**I smell like a dead pig. Smell me!

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Knock it off! Can't you two pretend to be human beings for one night? Hurry up, slowpoke!

**Sunny Flare:**Ow!

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Uck, Who am I kidding? These girls are hopeless. A donkey would have a better chance of marrying the prince. I'm never gonna get ahead in the world if I count on them. There has to be another way.

**Horton:**And he's running! It's Horton by a mile!

**Rex:**You spin it off that stand, you are in big trouble!

**Horton:**I'm dancin'. I'm dancin'. I'm skatin'! I'm skatin'! I'm backwards skatin', backwards skatin'. Not so easy. Not so easy. (exclaims) Whoa!

(clanging)

**Horton:**Huh?

**Mrs. Tweedy:**What?

(Horton screams)

**Rex:**I told you to be careful! This is powerful magic!

**Horton:**Oh, boy.

**Rex:**These things control the fate of the entire kingdom!

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Powerful magic? The fate of the kingdom? Girls, Mama's gonna take matters into her own hands. Don't wait up.

**Sour Sweet and Sunny Flare:**(gasp) Mother!

**Horton:**Left. Left, left. Right, right. Down, down, down. More down. Downer.

**Rex:**I'm calling the boss.

**Horton:**Why? Why? We fixed it. You fixed it. We fixed it, 'cause I did the "down, down, down, left" part, which helped. Yes or no? Don't call the boss!

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Forty flights of steps in heels? Ugh, this had better be good.

**Wolf W. Wolf:**"Chapter Four. How a prince must behave at the ball. One: Smile at maidens." Hello.

(Girls giggling)

**Wolf W. Wolf:**"Two: Look heroic." Yes.

(Crowd applauding)

**Wolf W. Wolf:**"Three: Be 'roman tick."' Be "roman tick"? Be romantic!

(Crowd applauding, Norman sighs)

**Sunny Flare and Sour Sweet:**There he is! To one side. Excuse me.

**Wolf W. Wolf:**My?

(Both giggling)

**Sunny Flare:**He's dreamy.

**Sour Sweet:**I like him!

**Sunny Flare:**I love him!

**Sour Sweet:**Rrrrrow!

**Joy:**Time to meet your prince, my dear Coralie.

**Coraline:**It's Coraline.

**Joy:**Really? Why'd you change it?

**Coraline:**Thank you, Joy.

**Joy:**Remember, it all ends at midnight.

**Rex**: Move it. You are in so much trouble!

**Horton:** And what are you gonna do about it? Turn me into a frog, Mr. Fredricksen?

**Rex:** Do you even know what you could have done?

**Horton:** Yeah, yeah. I know. I could have knocked over the scales of good and evil... and changed the destiny of every character in Fairytale Land. Blah, blah, blah. But I didn't!

**Mrs. Tweedy:** Hiya, boys.

**Horton:** Whoa! Ouchy mama!

**Mrs. Tweedy:** What's doing?

**Rex:** Mrs. Tweedy?

**Mrs. Tweedy:** So this is where it all happens. And all this time I thought it was fate. (Chuckles)

**Rex:** You can't be up here.

**Horton:** What is she doing here? I didn't order a stepmother.

**Mrs. Tweedy:** Come here, cutie. Show me those magic arts. Come on, big boy. Teach me.

**Horton:** You know, I kind of go for these power-mad, villainous, evil women.

**Rex:** She thinks I'm the wizard. We don't really do workshops. Maybe you can come back another year?

**Mrs. Tweedy:** This operation's about to have a hostile takeover. Just call it a little power play.

**Horton:** Man, she is good! I mean bad.

**Rex:** Get out! Or I'll zap you into a toad!

**Horton:** Can you zap?

**Rex:** Just watch me.

**Mrs. Tweedy:** Baby, I think you're all yap and no zap.

**Horton:** Oh. Okay. Now we're flying. I guess when you say "zapping," you mean "flying."

**Rex:** Shut up and drive! I'll open the portal and get the boss! He'll fix everything!

**Horton:** Don't let her get the staff!

**Mrs. Tweedy:** Let go of it, you little freak.

**Horton:** Oh no.

**Rex:** No air bags?

**Mrs. Tweedy:** Hmm.

**Horton:** Oh, gosh!

**Rex:** Oooh, oooh, oooh.

**Horton:** Mayday! Mayday! We're going down.

(Both exclaiming)

**Rex:** Ouch! Fire! Burning!

**Horton:** Hot. Hot, hot. Hot.

**Rex:** Prepare for grievous bodily harm!

(Both yell)

**Horton:** Warn me next time you zap.

(Mrs. Tweedy chuckles and cackling)

(laughter intensifies)

**Sunny Flare:** You should totally fall in love with me!

**Sour Sweet:** Nuh-uh. Me. I read a book once. A very interesting book.

**Wolf W. Wolf:**Huh?

**Sour Sweet:** Hmm?

**Sunny Flare:**Huh?

(crowd gasps)

**Woman:**Who is that?

**Man:**Nice slippers. Her feet are so tiny.

**Wolf W. Wolf:**Mmm-Hmm. She's perfect.

**Man:**Where is she from?

**Man:**She's beautiful.

(waltz music playing)

(Norman sighs)

(Wolf W. Wolf sniffs)

**Coraline:**What's wrong?

**Wolf W. Wolf:**I detect the strangest smell of pumpkin. I like pumpkin.

**Norman:** (voiceover) Welcome to the worst moment of my life. So far.

**Mike Wazowksi:**Hmm.

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Let's see. Which of my toys should I play with first? (chuckles) Ooh, warm. What's this?

**Sha-Ron:** My, Grandma. What big eyes you have.

**Bela:**All the better to see you with, my dear.

**Sha-Ron:**And what big yellow teeth you have.

**Bela:**The better to eat you with!

(Bela roars and Sha-Ron screaming)

**Mrs. Tweedy:** Here they are again. Interesting. Now let's see if-

**Josh Sharp:**Blythe, Blythe, let down your hair!

**Mrs. Tweedy:**I wonder what happens if I just-

(metal creaks)

**Blythe Baxter:**Ow. Aah!

**Josh Sharp:** Oof, Ow! I'm on my keys.

**Mrs. Tweedy:** (laughing) Oh, it's so easy! Just the touch of a finger.

(Human Shrek kisses Human Princess Fiona)

(metal creaks and Mrs. Tweedy chuckles)

(Human Shrek stops kissing her)

**Human Shrek:**Hmm? Ohh... (snoring)

**Mrs. Tweedy:** Oh, a pajama party. (laughing)

(metal creaks)

(Mickey Mouse humming and groans)

**Gloomius Maximus:**You have but three chances to guess my name... and if you fail, your baby shall be mine! (cackles)

**Lydia Copperbotttom:** Uh, Fabio?

**Gloomius Maximus:**Nope.

**Lydia Copperbottom:**Beelzebub?

**Gloomius Maximus:**No.

**Lydia Copperbottom:**Gloomius...

(metal creaks)

**Lydia Copperbottom:**...masashi?

**Gloomius Maximus:**No! (cackles)

(Baby Rodney Copperbottom hitting Gloomius Maximus with a rattle)

**Baby Rodney Copperbottom**: Eh. (hits him with a rattle)

**Gloomius Maximus:**(groans)

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Rock-a-bye-bye, baby. Hmm. Hey. That's my house. And... Coraline? (panting) Hey, you gotta be kidding me. That little- She gets the prince... and the palace, and I get nada? Zilch? Nothing? Uh-uh! No way! Not while I'm in charge!

**Wolf W. Wolf:**Left, right, left. Left, right, left. Left, right, left. Left, right, left. (chuckles)

**Mrs. Tweedy:**I don't believe this. How did she get there? And where did she get that dress? And where can I get one? I love those little ruffles down the front.

**Wolf W. Wolf:**So, what do you do? Are you a fair maiden, lady-in-waiting, damsel in distress?

**Coraline:**I will be, kind of, at midnight.

**Mrs. Tweedy:** Oh, Come on!

**Wolf W. Wolf:**Mmm. (kisses)

**Mrs. Tweedy:**I think the little princess needs a makeover!

(metal creaks)

**Coraline:**Oh, what happened?

**Mrs. Tweedy:** (laughs) Sorry.

**Wolf W. Wolf:**Where did that maiden go? Did you see her? Oh, maiden. Oh, maiden! (echoes)

(bell dings)

**Wolf W. Wolf:**Huh?

(Coraline sighs)

**Wolf W. Wolf:**A slipper. Maybe she was the maiden after all. At last. A damsel in distress! Ah, here. Section four, subparagraph eight. "Once a prince finds his true love, he may never let her go." I will find you, my love... if I must ride to the ends of the earth to do so.

**Coraline:**Your Majesty? Please wait. I'm right...

(water splashes)

**Coraline:**here.

**Wolf W. Wolf:**I can swim a little!

**Mrs. Tweedy:**That is the prince? What a loser. Serves her right. If I'm gonna shake things up around here... I'm gonna need some bad guys. It's time to party! (chuckles, evil laughter and laughter intensifies)

(Coraline gasps)

(The royal guards gasp)

**Billy:**Maybe it's just fireworks?

(The Hammer's Coming Down by Lizotte Fitzpatrick plays)

**Gambling Bear:**I never seen that before.

**Boss Gambling Bear:**Come on. Let's go.

**Gambling Bear:**This way.

**Garble:**Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

**Bela:**Something's going down at the palace.

**Thunderclap:**Sweet.

**Mandragora:**Look! Death from above! (cackles)

**Garble:**Grr!

**Mandragora and Ursula:**Hah ha ha ha ha!

(Gaia Everfree cackles)

**Mickey Mouse:**Oh!

**Coraline:**Norman. Oh, my gosh. Norman! Hey. I was dancing with the prince and my dress disappeared.

**Norman:**Okay. So that's too much information, but thank you.

**Coraline:**It was supposed to last till midnight, but it didn't. And then there was this light in the sky. Something's wrong.

**Norman:**Yeah. I'll say.

**SpongeBob SquarePants:**Coming over the bridge!

**Squidward Tentacles:** Norman, Look!

(The Hammer's Coming Down by Lizotte Fitzpatrick ends)

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Evildoers of our kingdom! Hiya!

**Boss Gambling Bear:**Hello.

**Mrs. Tweedy:**So, guys... ever think there could be more to life than this? We're always the losers, the bad guys. Is that fair? No.

**Coraline:**Mrs. Tweedy.

**Mrs. Tweedy:**And who wins? The dorky ingenues and the pretentious princes. From now on, say good-bye to losing. And say hello to winning. Yes. To little girls who get eaten by beasts.

**Garble:**Yeah, yeah, yeah!

**Mrs. Tweedy:**To princesses who never get their prince! Because starting tonight... I give you... Happily N'Ever After!  (cackling)

(film projector stops)

**Norman:** (voiceover) Yeah. This is where you came in. I hate to tell ya, but it gets worse.

(film projector rolls)

(The royal guard #2 gasps)

**Garble:**Yeah, yeah.

**Royal Guard #2:**We demand that you depart this palace at once.

**Royal Guard #1:**Yeah. You heard the man.

**Thunderclap:**What you gonna do if we don't?

(Garble growls)

**Captain Gantu:**Let's make guard kabobs.

(Royal Guard #2 whimpers)

**Thunderclap:**Dibs on the chubby one!

**Boss Gambling Bear:**This is gonna be great!

**Gambling Bear:**I like to hit things.

(crashing and metal banging with Hollywoodedge: Cats Two Angry Yowls (2nd and 4th Yowl) and chicken squawks)

**Royal Guard #1:**Ow, ow! Not the face!

**Royal Guard #2:** That was my favorite leg!

(glass shatters)

(pounding and door opens)

(crowd gasps)

(The bad guys grunt and roar)

(crowd screams)

**Coraline:**Norman, we have to do something.

**Norman:**Okay, well we-

**Coraline:**I know. We'll find the prince. He's out looking for me now. We have to find him.

**Norman:**For what? He's a pretty boy. He just does whatever his little book says.

**Coraline:**I'm sure his book will tell him to save the day.

**Norman:**If you think that poser is gonna save us, you're dreaming.

**Coraline:**Maybe I am dreaming, but somehow I know. I know this wasn't supposed to happen. It's Mrs. Tweedy. She's making everything bad. Just like she always has for me, but for everyone. We need a hero to stop her. We need the prince.

**Norman:**You mean you need the prince.

**Coraline:**This isn't about me. She's taking over.

**Norman:**Yes, it is. It's about you becoming a princess... so you can move upstairs and forget people like me exist.

**Coraline:**You know what? You're being ridiculous.

**Norman:**Ridiculous? You know what? You need to get out of here. You're blocking my light.

(water splashes)

**Norman:**And I've got dishes to wash.

**Coraline:**Okay. Fine. I don't need you anyway.

(door closes)

(Norman sighs)

**SpongeBob SquarePants:**Go with her, mon ami. She does need you.

**Norman:**For what? To chase after that jerk?

**SpongeBob SquarePants:**Prince envy. Hmm.

**Squidward Tentacles and Patrick Star:**Mm-hmm.

**Rex:**How could we screw up so badly? Mr. Fredricksen will never trust us again.

**Horton:**Mr. Fredricksen will never trust you again.

**Rex:**You knocked over the ball!

**Horton:**You gave her the staff!

**Rex:**A wicked stepmother? With Mr. Fredricksen's staff!

**Horton:**She could take over the kingdom!

**Rex:**If we don't fix this mess before the boss gets back from vacation, he'll- he'll- he'll-

**Horton:**He'll turn us into toads is what he'll do.

**Rex:** I like the way I look already. I don't want to be a frog!

**Horton:** Oh, no. What if he makes me look like you?

(Rex growls)

**Horton:**(gasps) I know what we need.

**Rex:**Yeah. A new job.

**Horton:**I've seen these tales a million times... and who is the one guy that always wins in the end? The prince!

**Rex:**Or the simpleton.

**Horton:**Exactly. The simpleton. I mean... the prince!

**Rex:**Yee-

(Both gasp)

**Coraline:**Hello? Excuse me.

**Horton:**Coraline?

**Coraline:**How do you know me? Never mind. Did you guys see a prince come this way? Six foot 2, perfect body, perfect face, perfect everything.

**Rex:**Why, no. Did you come from the palace, by any chance?

**Coraline:**Yes. It was horrible. Bears, witches. The bad guys have taken over.

(Horton sighs)

**Coraline:**Who are you guys? What are you guys?

**Rex:**I'm Rex. He's Horton. We work for Mr. Fredricksen.

**Horton:**We had a little accident.

**Rex:**Accident?

(Baby Rodney Copperbottom murmurs)

**Rex:**We let a wicked stepmother get control of the kingdom's destiny! She has the boss's staff!

**Coraline:**Okay. Okay. No arguing.

(Rex and Horton growling)

**Coraline:**Could you guys, like, fix all this and make everything the way it was meant to be?

**Rex:**Of course.

**Horton:**Yeah. But first we'd have to get past Mrs. Tweedy.

**Rex:**For which we need the prince.

**Coraline:**Well, come with me. I'm looking for him too. He'll help us save the day.

**Horton:**(gasps) Ohh...The prince defeats Mrs. Tweedy... we fix the scales of good and evil... and the boss doesn't have to know!

**Rex:**That might actually work. Let's find the prince.

**Horton:**Heck yeah, it'll work! He'll take that mother down a few steps.

(Rex groans and grunts)

(Gloomius Maximus snickers, Baby Rodney Copperbottom murmurs)

(Disco Inferno playing)

**Gambling Bear:**Oh, yeah.

**Thunderclap:** (chuckles) Hey.

**Norman:**Seven billy goats gruff, medium rare.

(Thunderclap chomps)

**Norman:**Three little pigs' ribs... and a cow-that-jumped-over-the-moon burger... with fries. How's the salad, big guy?

(crashes, Captain Gantu growls)

**Norman:**Get you guys a refill on the meat?

**Thunderclap:**Uh, what's your rush, kid? Sit down.

**Bela:**Take a load off. Pour yourself a glass.

**Norman:**All right. Don't mind if I do. You know, that's the first time anybody asked me to sit down.

**Woman:**Hey! I'm melting!

**Thunderclap:**So what's your name, kid?

**Norman:**Norman.

**Bela:**So, are you a good guy or a bad guy or a what guy?

**Norman:**Neither. I work in the kitchen.

**Thunderclap:** Um, let me give you some advice. Around here, you're either a good guy... or a bad guy. And between you and me... I don't see much future in being good. Capisce?

(Garble chokes, Bela chuckles)

(water trickles)

**Squidward Tentacles:**Mon frère, what are you doing hanging around?

**Norman:**Those guys are cool. They're not too good to hang with the help.

**Patrick Star:**A good friend does not let a good friend down.

**Norman:**Would you get out of my way?

**Squidward Tentacles:**You should be with her, out there by her side.

**Norman:**What for? She wants a prince, remember?

(door closes)

(music playing)

**Mrs. Tweedy:** "Wizardress." Too hard to say. General? Mistress? Queen of Calamity? Your Highness. Your Lowness. Your Badness.

**Gloomius Maximus:**Excuse me, Empress of Evil?

**Mrs. Tweedy:**"Empress." Hmm. I like it. Still kind of stuffy, but... (sighs) beats "stepmother."

**Gloomius Maximus:**I've come to offer my services.

**Mrs. Tweedy:**And why would I need you, shrimp?

**Gloomius Maximus:**I'm Gloomius Maximus. I'm the supremely evil diabolical master pirate. I have information about a plot against you.

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Already? Get out! (chuckles) Wait. Hold on. This info-What do you want in exchange?

**Gloomius Maxmius:**I'll become your evil co-wizard.

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Hmm.

**Gloomius Maximus:**Diabolical vice president.

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Hmm.

**Gloomius Maximus:**Your malicious creative exec.

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Hmm.

**Gloomius Maximus:**Dastardly follower in charge of badness? I stole a baby! That's about as evil as it gets.

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Okay, okay. Sidekick.

**Gloomius Maximus:**Oh. Your fear-inspiring, terrifyingly evil sidekick!  (cackles)

**Baby Rodney Copperbotton:**Whoa! (farts and murmurs)

**Mrs. Tweedy:**(sniffing) Somebody needs a diaper change.

(Baby Rodney Copperbottom murmurs)

**Gloomius Maximus:**Um, Empress... I overheard Mr. Fredricksen's assistants conspiring in the woods.

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Those little freaks? Get out. You are so wasting my time.

**Gloomius Maximus:**But they're searching for the prince, and helping them is a girl.

**Mrs. Tweedy:**A girl?

**Gloomius Maximus:** 5'4", blue hair, beautiful... humble clothes, extremely petite feet-

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Coraline! Oh, I hate that girl. She's so... girlie.

(owl hoots)

(Rex shudders)

(Coraline gasps)

(Rex gasps)

**Coraline:**Your Majesty? Prince Wolf?

**Rex:**That didn't sound like a prince.

**Horton:**Did I say I wanted it edgier? (nervous laugh) I don't want it edgy. I want it happy. Roses and tiaras and ball gowns and-

(grass rustling, Horton gasps)

(rustling)

**Horton:**Oh. (screams) Huh? Oh. Kiss it! Maybe it'll turn into a prince.

(Frankie the Frog croaks)

**Coraline:**(kisses) Ooh.

**Frankie the Frog:**Blech. (croaks)

(Coraline giggles)

**Horton:**Well, it was worth a try.

(blues music playing)

**Thunderclap:**Sweet.

(Bela grunts, crowd cheers, Garble chuckling)

**Thunderclap:**Hey. Watch the snout.

**Bela:**Oh, believe me. I'm watchin' it! I'm watchin' it!

(explosion)

(tray clangs)

(both cackling)

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Fellow rogues, victory is near. But there's just one little seed of goodness... that refuses to die in the winter of our content. Go forth! Find Coraline... and bring her to me!

(Gambling Bear coughs)

**Thunderclap:**Us? work?

**Bela:** Before noon?

**Captain Gantu:** Yes, well, we're more nocturnal villains. You see, that means we operate at night. (gulping)

(zaps, Captain Gantu screams, Garble gulps)

**Captain Gantu:**(little voice) Huh, huh? (screaming groan)

**All:**Oh...

(Garble gulps)

**Mrs. Tweedy:**You still here?

(Captain Gantu screams)

**Baby Rodney Copperbottom:**(giggles) Bye-bye.

(Mrs. Tweedy chuckles and laughing)

(Gloomius Maximus cackling)

(Mrs. Tweedy laughs)

(Baby Rodney Copperbottom chuckles)

(Gloomius Maximus cackles)

(Baby Rodney Copperbottom crying)

(Gloomius Maximus stifled chuckle, Baby Rodney Copperbottom sucking)

**Gaia Everfree:**(screams) Yee haw!

(Mandragora and Ursula cackle)

(Gaia Everfree cackling)

**Norman:**How do you start this thing? Whoa-ho!

(engine whirring, revving)

**Norman:**Whoa!

(Rock)

(Singing indistinct)

**Gambling Bear:**Huh?

(Norman shouting)

**Norman:**(shouts) Whoa!

(Bela roars)

(All gasp)

**Horton:**It's probably just a- What do you call those things that aren't beasts?

(Bela snarls, Horton screams)

(Bela growling, Coraline gasps)

(All screaming)

**Horton:**Kiss it! Maybe it will turn into a prince!

**Rex:** Bad beastie! Down, boy! Stay! (panting)

**Coraline:**You okay?

**Rex:**Uh-huh.

(Beast roars)

(Horton shouts)

**Rex:**Oh, gosh!

(horse whinnies)

**Wolf W. Wolf:**Hmm, The Mountain of Death.

(horse whimpers)

**Wolf W. Wolf:**Let's go, boy.

(groans)

(horse whinnies)

**Wolf W. Wolf:**Ouch.

(Coraline gasps, Horton shouts)

**Rex:**Please tell me that's modern art.

(Bird squawking, Horton gasps)

**Horton:**(stammering) I don't think we should- (groans)

**Coraline:** (groaning) Locks on the door.

**Rex:** Bars on the windows.

**Horton:** (gasps) I know who lives here.

(Doc grunts, The Dwarfs grunting and chattering)

**Grumpy:**Hey, that was my big toe.

**Doc:**Hey! Hey, get away from there!

**Happy:**No trespassers!

**Grumpy:**Yeah, can't you read?

**Sneezy:**I bet them's the ones that took Riley White!

**Coraline:**We don't even know Riley White.

**Horton:**I used to spy on her though.

(Doc growls)

**Horton:**Well, no. More like peeking in on her. No, checking in. Let's call it that. Check-- I checked in on her occasionally.

(Doc growls)

**Coraline:**We're looking for the prince. If we don't find him, the kingdom will be lost.

(Doc gasps)

**Horton:**Oh, and can I remind you of something? We're being chased by the bad guys.

(Bela roaring, Coraline gasps)

(Gambling Bears grumbling)

**Rex:**Correction- surrounded by them.

**Coraline:** Please. Please. You have to help us.

**Doc:** Inside.

(Gambling Bears growling and snarling)

(Door closes)

**Doc:**Initiatin' primary defense!

(Doc bangs and opens)

(klaxon blaring)

**Doc:**Come on, come on, come on!

(Dwarfs chattering, metal banging)

(Coraline gasps)

(machine whirring)

**Horton:**Uh oh.

(bones cracking)

**Doc:**It's the big one.

**Coraline:** Why'd you call it the big one?

**Doc:**It's the mother of all battles! Move it!

**Grumpy:**Yeah, yeah, yeah.

**Happy:**Yee-haw!

**Sneezy:**We knew it was a-comin'.

**Grumpy:**We just didn't know how.

**Sneezy:**Or why.

**Happy:**Or when.

**Doc:**We've been gettin' ready for the big one for years. Mm-hmm.

**Garble:**Yeah.

**Thunderclap:**Sic 'em!

**Garble:**Yeah, yeah.

**Doc:** Dopey, crank up the big lady!

**Coraline:**Huh?

**Doc:**You!

**Coraline:**What?

**Doc:**With me!

**Coraline:**Me? Oh, but I- I don't-

**Doc:**Lock and load, Dopey!

**Gambler Bear:**What's that?

**Sneezy:**Oh! She's stuck! Grumpy, give me a hand!

**Grumpy:** How about a foot? Hee-haw!

(Thunderclap gulps)

(Coraline grunts)

**Doc:**Darlin', load up them diamonds!

**Coraline:**Me? Are you sure? I don't think that's a- Diamonds?

**Doc:** Why do you think we been savin' 'em? They're harder than a knight's sword and sharper than a dragon's tooth! Come on, come on, come on! Take that, you varmints!

(Beasts gasp and screaming)

**Mrs. Tweedy:**You're a beast! Get some teeth! Some growling would be nice! Some biting would be better!

(metal creaks)

**Mandragora:**(cackles) Target 500 yards! Follow me in!

**Ursula:**Roger.

(Mandragora, Ursula and Gaia Everfree cackle)

**Horton:**Oh, no! We got witches! 2:00!

**Rex:** I really, really don't like this.

**Horton:**Oh, what? And I do?

**Doc:** (chuckling) Come on, little lady! (chuckles) Show me what you got, witches!

(Mandragora cackles)

(Doc groans)

(Coraline gasps)

**Rex:**(grunts) Huh?

**Coraline:** Rex!

**Horton:**Wow!

**Coraline:**Horton! Reload! Reload! Rubies, diamonds, everything we got!

**Gaia Everfree:** I'm hit! I'm hit!

**Doc:**Heigh ho!

(distant explosion)

**Doc:** (chuckles) Dang! We tried to teach Riley White to shoot... but she couldn't hit the side of a barn.

**Coraline:**Wow!

**Doc:**What?

**Coraline:**I didn't know I had it in me.

**Doc:** Lady, you can call me Doc.

**Ursula:** Gaia Everfree! We lost Gaia! Retreat!

**Mandragoria:** No way! Hold it together! Circle around! Do you copy?

**Ursula:** Roger.

**Mandragoria:**Hey, we should spell out "Surrender Coraline!"

**Ursula**: Negative! Proceed as planned!

**Mandragoria:** Yeah! Eat this, dwarves!

(Ursula cackles)

**Norman:**Coraline!

(Horton screams)

(Gambling Bears cheering)

**Norman:**Pardon me, ladies!

(Mandragoria and Ursula scream)

**Norman:**Coraline!

**Coraline:**Norman! You're here!

**Norman:**Yeah. Things were kinda slow in the kitchen.

**Coraline:**Rex! Horton! Jump on!

(Rex shouts)

(Boss Gambling Bear growls)

**Coraline:**Doc!

**Doc:**Don't worry about us, darlin'. You just find that there prince!

**Mrs. Tweedy:**The dishwasher? The dishwasher saved her? This is like a good dream you can't wake up from. I've sent witches. I've sent gambling bears. Nothing is working!

(staff clangs)

(Baby Rodney Copperbottom squeals and mutters)

**Gloomius Maximus:**Then Prince Wolf took Coraline to his castle... and they lived happily ever after.

**Mrs. Tweedy:**No, they did not! Whose side are you on?

**Gloomius Maximus:**If, uh, I may ask... why do you hate Coraline so much? I mean, according to the tale, she never did anything to you.

**Mrs. Tweedy:** I don't know. Because she's gorgeous? Because she's too stupid to know her place? Because she's so cheerful about everything? Because if she wins, she'll be the queen... and I will be the stepmom forever! Is that baby making you soft or what? That's it! You can't send witches or beasts to do an empress's job. Get me a plane. I'm gonna take out little Miss Goody-two-slippers myself! Heads up, Corally! Stepmama's on her way! (cackles)

**Coraline:**Thanks, Norman, but what are you doing here?

**Norman:**I just thought you could use a little help.

**Coraline:**Mmm. You're the best.

**Norman:**Any luck finding Prince Wolf?

**Coraline:**Not yet. This is Horton and Rex. They're helping too.

**Norman:**(stammers) Look, I say there's no time to find Prince Wolf. We gotta take Mrs. Tweedy out... ourselves.

**Rex:**But she has Mr. Fredricksen's staff.

**Norman:**So take it. Just create a distraction, sneak up on her and jump her.

**Horton:** Okay, good. We make a distraction, we do some sneaking... and then this jumping thing though- I don't know. I have a bad back. Who's doing the jumping?

**Norman:**We are.

**Rex:**But there are gambling bears in the palace and that woman!

**Norman:** Big deal. I can get you in. We could do this... without a prince.

**Coraline:**There he is! I'm sure that's him!

**Wolf W. Wolf:**Oh, maiden! Oh, Maiden! (echoes)

**Coraline:**Hello! Prince Wolf? Hey! Up here!

(engine sputtering)

**Rex:**We're too high!

**Coraline:**Norman, go back!

(sputtering continues)

**Norman:**I can't!

**Coraline:**You can't or you won't?

**Norman:**Come on.

**Horton:**Again with the crashing!

**Rex:**I hate gravity! I hate it!

**Norman:**Coraline, you okay?

**Coraline:**Prince Wolf? Hello?

**Norman:**We must have overshot him by a mile.

**Coraline:**Yeah, we lost him. Just like you wanted.

**Norman:**What? Coraline, I didn't- Coraline! Coraline, wait! Come on. We ran out of fuel or something.

**Coraline:**Sure. You don't wanna find the prince. You want him out of the way so you can be the hero yourself.

**Norman:**Coraline, I know the prince. He's hopeless. And I know I can do it.

**Coraline:**No, you can't. You can't save the day. You're not a prince. You're just... (gasps) Norman.

**Norman:** I- (chuckles) Sorry about that. Are you-

**Coraline:**Fine. It was fine. I mean, I'm fine.

**Norman:**I guess we should look for the-

**Coraline:**Prince.  Prince Wolf.

**Norman:**Yeah.

**Coraline:**We'll go back and find him.

**Norman:**Wait. You wanna find him, fine, but let's do it smart. It's almost dark, and we don't even know which way is back. You guys hang low. I'll go look for him.

**Coraline:**Norman? Thank you.

**Norman:**(voiceover) So I'm finding Coraline's prince for her. This was the last thing I wanted to do. But we both knew how the story had to end.

(Get What I Want by Holly Brook and Jaron Lowenstein plays)

So here we are

Stuck in the middle of a rushing stream

Is it a fairy tale?

Or a silly dream?

I'm gonna do my task

But is it too much to ask?

Do I get what I want?

Will I want what I get?

Do I get what I want?

Will I want what I get?

Do I get what I want?

Will I want what I get

From you?

I have a chore

I have a chore

But can't figure out a place to start

Is it in my head?

Or in my heart?

(Xylophone plays)

I'd hate to wait too long

Just to find out I was wrong

Do I get what I want?

Will I want what I get?

Do I get what I want?

Will I want what I get?

Will I get what I want?

Do I want what I get?

Do I get what I want?

Will I want what I get?

If she gets what she wants

Will she want what she gets?

(Get What I Want by Holly Brook and Jaron Lowenstein ends)

**Wolf W. Wolf:**La la la la la la

(horse sighs)

**Wolf W. Wolf:**La la la la (voice breaks)

(horse neighs)

**Norman:**We need your help.

**Wolf W. Wolf:**Oh, it's that kitchen boy.

**Norman:**I don't have time to explain. Coraline needs you. You gotta save her.

**Wolf W. Wolf:**Yeah, yes, yes. Did you bring me my laundry?

**Norman:**Coraline? The girl you danced with? At the ball?

**Wolf W. Wolf:**That maiden? Well, I've crossed deserts and mountains... babbling brooks and things... to bring her... this.

**Norman:**You crossed a desert to bring her a shoe?

**Wolf W. Wolf:**Yes, well, it's in the book.

**Coraline:**So if Mrs. Tweedy hadn't tipped the scales... Prince Wolf and I would have gotten married?

**Horton:**You always do.

**Coraline:**What about Norman? What happens to him?

**Rex:**He just works in the kitchen.

**Horton:**Yeah. It's- it's- it's not his story.

**Coraline:**Oh.

**Horton:**What's wrong?

**Rex:**It's your happy ending. You get wedding bells, roses. You ride off into the sunset.

**Coraline:**And then what?

**Horton:**Nothing. That's the end of your tale.

(rattles)

(Rex grunts)

**Horton:**What?

(Rex grumbles)

**Coraline:**That's all? That's my whole life? I- I just marry Prince Wolf?

**Rex:**What else did you expect?

**Coraline:**I don't know. I guess... more.

**Horton:**I say happy endings are boring! Just think about what you want, and go for it!

(engine revving, Mrs. Tweedy cackling)

**Coraline:**Mrs. Tweedy!

**Horton:**Oh, no! Not again! Help!

(zapping)

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Hi, Corally!

**Rex:**Huh! Under the bushes! Hide!

**Horton:**Under the bushes? That's a-Those aren't- That's a stick!

(Rex whimpers)

(Coraline panting)

(engine revving)

(Mrs. Tweedy cackling)

**Coraline:**Huh? (gasps)

**Mrs. Tweedy:**(cackling) Come to Stepmommy!

**Norman:**Coraline! No!

**Coraline:**Norman, help. (screams)

(Mrs. Tweedy cackling)

**Coraline:**Norman!

**Wolf W. Wolf:**Uh! Whoa! Blast! Looks like we lost her! Whoa, ho! (yelping)

**Norman:**Huh!

(Wolf W. Wolf wailing and screaming)

(horse neighing)

**Wolf W. Wolf:** Maiden! Maiden!

**Coraline:**Help! Please! Please help me!

**Wolf W. Wolf:**Maiden!

**Coraline:**Prince Wolf! Help!

**Wolf W. Wolf:**(huffing) I've got- Why... log... hurt... Prince Wolf? Sleepy now.

(Mrs. Tweedy cackling)

(Wolf W. Wolf groans)

**Norman:**Well, don't just sit there! Get back on your horse! Save her!

**Wolf W. Wolf:**Huh? Right. Perfect. My chance to prove myself. Exactly what am I saving her from?

**Horton:**Basically, a power-mad evil stepmother with awesome magic... and every bad guy in the history of fairy tales... who've taken over your palace.

**Wolf W. Wolf:**Huh?

**Norman:** Ugh, forget it. This guy's useless. I'm gonna save her.

**Horton:**Norman, um... I like the idea. But, uh-- Ooh, I- I don't know how to break this to you... but that is just not how it works.

**Rex:**He's the one who saves her. Always. You're the prince. Don't you want to save your damsel in distress?

**Horton:**Yeah, and we're talkin' distress big time!

**Wolf W. Wolf:**And I will save you... my little slipper girl! Heeyah! Have no fear, my beloved! Whoa- Oof! Oh.

(Norman groans)

**Wolf W. Wolf:**Stirrups, straps, do not let go of the reins. Right. Got it. Heeyah!

(horse whinnies)

(Gambling Bears grunting and grumbling)

(horse galloping)

(Gambling Bear grunts)

**Gambling Bear:**Huh?

**Wolf W. Wolf:**Heeyah!

**Norman:**What's goin' on?

**Horton:**There's the dashing prince. He's charging. He's wielding his noble sword, with- with fiery determination. He's falling off! He's falling off the steed. He fell off. He's on the ground now. He's on the ground. He's looking for his noble sword.

**Norman:**I'm almost startin' to feel sorry for the guy.

**Horton:**He's feelin' around. That's a stick.

(twig snaps)

(Wolf W. Wolf shouts)

**Horton:** Oh, ooh. They're kickin' him now.

**Wolf W. Wolf:**Easy!

**Horton:**And they're laughing, they're laughing at him.

**Wolf W. Wolf:** Oh! That hurt!

**Horton:**And they're- Oh, he just got...

**Wolf W. Wolf:**Ow!

**Horton:**captured.

**Wolf W. Wolf:**"Capture by gambling bears... Kiss thy royal butt good-bye"?

**Gambling Bear:**Hee hee hee.

**Gambling Bear:**(growls) Bye-bye!

**Norman:**Well, no more prince. What now?

**Horton:**No more anybody else either. Look.

(Boss Gambling Bear grunting)

**Rex:**We have to fix the scales and save the kingdom.

**Horton:**While there's something left to save.

**Norman:**We will... without a prince.

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Well, well. Coraline Jones.

**Coraline:**Huh? (groans)

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Cinder-Coraline. Now what should I do with you? Turn you into a snail? Make you sleep for a thousand years? Shrink you? Eat you? Poison you?

**Coraline Jones:**I'm not scared of you. When the prince comes-

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Everyone will live happily ever after. You always were such an annoying little optimist. Fortunately, happy endings are so yesterday. Sha-Ron Riding Hood- Only the hood is left.

(Bela roaring)

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Size six, if you want one. And Sleeping Fiona-

(Human Shrek snores)

**Mrs Tweedy:**Nighty-night... after night, after night. Forever! (chuckles) And Cindercorally... still dreaming of her big, strong prince. Well, don't hold your breath, baby!

**Wolf W. Wolf:** I did it all- the ball, the girl, the haircut, the shirt, the steed. I even had the perfect underwear! I'm a failure! (sobbing)

**Coraline:**No. That's impossible. He's the prince. He's a hero. He can't-

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Can't what? Lose?

(Mrs. Tweedy chuckles, then cackling)

**Gloomius Maximus:**Wah hah hah ha!

(Baby Rodney Copperbottom crying)

**Gloomius Maximus:**Huh?

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Oh, feed that thing, you half-wit!

**Gloomius Maximus:**But if I feed him now, he's gonna be up all night.

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Then I'll feed him... to the crocodiles in the moat.

**Gloomius Maximus:**Um, Empress?

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Oh, Cindercorally?

**Coraline:**Oh!

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Going so soon?

**Coraline:**Uh!

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Your party's just getting started, babe! We're gonna have our own ball.

(Gambling bears grunt and growl)

**Rex:**Are you sure about this?

**Norman:**No. Act cool.

(Gambling bears grunt)

**Norman:**Hey, I'm just tryin' to put money in your pocket, player. Yo.

(Gambling Bear grumbles)

**Rex:** Uh, Yo?

**Horton:**Yo! We're cool. We're low. We're on the down low, the D.L. Down low. Way down here. We're slowly, moley, roly-poly. Hey, what's wrong with you? I'm down. They like me. I parlez-vous their hippy-hip, coolio, bombio, phatty lingo. I'm a- I'm a hep elephant. That's what I am.

(Gambling Bears chatter, dishes clinking)

**Thunderclap:**So the pig says, "I don't have to go to the bathroom. I get to go wee, wee, wee, all the way home."

(Thunderclap and Bela laugh)

**Garble:**Yeah, yeah yeah!

**Bela:**Heh, Go wee, wee, wee! Yeah!

**Gambling Bear:**Eh, doy!

**Thunderclap:** Yo, Normany!

**Norman:**Hey... you!

**Thunderclap:**Yo! Look who's back.

**Bela:**Hey, Normany! What's up?

**Thunderclap:**Norman, come on. Make a toast.

**Norman:**I'd love to, but I gotta work. You guys are my friends. You understand, right?

**Thunderclap:** Eh, if I didn't know better... I'd think you didn't wanna hang out with us.

(Beasts growling)

(clinks beer stein)

**Norman:**Here's to evil... to eatin' grandmas... stealin' babies, cookin' little kids. (blows kiss) Here's to the good stuff.

**Thunderclap:**Aw, that's my little Normany.

**Norman:**And here's to the baddest... most awful, rank-smelling, evil bad guy of 'em all.

**Thunderclap:**That's the nicest thing anybody ever said to me.

**Bela:**No. He meant me, capisce?

**Thunderclap:**(sniffling) You? You eat grandmas and little girls. What's bad about that?

**Horton:**Okay, we made it in. We got past the beasts. What now?

**Norman:**Here's the plan. You guys fix the scales. I'm gonna get the staff away from Mrs. Tweedy.

**Horton:**Will this be before or after I faint?

**Coraline:**You aren't gonna get away with this. You can't just take over. This isn't the way things were meant to be.

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Oh, quit dreaming, Corally.

(Coraline gasps)

**Gloomius Maximus:**I'm having a real problem with this. I'm concerned about the effect this violence is gonna have on little Rodney.

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Oh, that wasn't violence. This is violence!

**Coraline:**Ah!

**Norman:**Mrs. Tweedy, over here!

**Mrs. Tweedy:**What?

**Coraline:**Norman! (gasps) Don't hurt him!

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Ooh!

**Norman:**Coraline!

**Coraline:**Uh!

**Mrs. Tweedy:**"Don't hurt him"? Aw... (singsong) Coraline likes the dishwasher.

(metal creaking)

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Huh?

(Both gasp)

**Mrs. Tweedy:**You again?

**Horton:**Oh, no! Ah! Ugh.

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Well, well. Cinder-Coraline. Kiss your little pumpkin good-bye!

**Coraline:**Ah! Oh, Norman!

**Norman:**I've got you, Coraline! I won't let you go!

**Mrs. Tweedy:**You should have just married the dishwasher. He's so much cuter.

(Norman groans)

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Bye-bye!

(Horton gasps)

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Oh!

**Horton:**Aaah!

**Norman:**Coraline, grab him!

**Coraline:**Oh!

(Mrs. Tweedy screaming)

**Horton:**Wow! Did you see that? I did something dangerous and heroic and- Hey, why didn't anyone stop me? Seriously, if you ever see me about to do something like that again... just knock me out. Like, punch! End of story.

**Coraline:**Thank you, Norman.

**Rex:**Uh, guys? Does Mrs. Tweedy still have the staff?

**Horton:**Dang.

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Miss me? You'll live to regret that. But not for long. Good-bye, Coraline.

**Norman:**No!

**Coraline:**No, Norman!

**Norman:**Aaaah!

**Coraline:**Oh! No!

**Norman:**Oof!

**Coraline:** Norman!

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Don't move!

**Coraline:**Oh!

(Baby Rodney Copperbottom whimpers)

**Mrs. Tweedy:**You just had to go for your happy ending. Well, let me tell you.

**Horton:**No sleeping! No sleeping!

**Mrs. Tweedy:**This is your end... but it ain't gonna be happy! I'm gonna show you that dreams don't come true.

**Coraline:**No! For years I've been letting you ruin my life! Well, no more!

**Mrs. Tweedy:**What life? The life you were gonna have with Sleeping Fiona over there? The dishwasher and the scullery maid! You're gonna live happily never after! Eh!

**Coraline:**Unh!

**Rex:**Coraline! Push her into the portal!

(both grunting)

**Coraline:**Uh!

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Oh! Oh, the staff! Oops.

**Coraline:**You're not gonna need it anymore. Uh! (punches)

**Mrs. Tweedy:**What?! (groans, screaming)

(hollow tone)

**Coraline:**Huh? She's gone.

**Norman:**Nice punch, Coraline.

**Horton:**Ah!

**Coraline:**Norman! You're okay!

**Norman:**Mmm! Hang on a second. I thought you wanted a prince.

**Coraline:**I had one all along. I just didn't know it.

**Gloomius Maximus:**Like I always say, good triumphs over evil. Isn't that so, precious sugar pie?

**Baby Rodney Copperbottom:**(burbles) Yeah.

(Horton blows nose)

**Rex:**How do you like that? It looks like Coraline got her happy ending after all.

**Coraline:**(chuckles) Not an ending... a beginning.

**Horton:**Well, let's get this place cleaned up. Before the boss gets home.

**Norman:** (voiceover) So there you go. Maybe it's not the Coraline tale you're used to... but, personally, I like this one better. Look, Prince Wolf even got to save the day in the end.

(Gambling Bears grumbling)

**Boss Gambling Bear:**D'oh, boy!

**Norman:** (voiceover) Well, at least that's what he thinks.

**Wolf W. Wolf:**Heeyah!

(crowd cheering)

**Doc:**Yee-haw!

**SpongeBob SquarePants:**Whoo!

**Norman:** (voiceover) And Gloomius Maximus? - Well..

**Gloomius Maximus:**Open up.

**Baby Rodney Copperbottom:**Bwap!

**Norman:**(voiceover) He's "Uncle Gloomy" now.

(Gloomius Maximus and Lydia Copperbottom chuckling)

(Baby Rodney Copperbottom giggling)

**Norman:**(voiceover) By the time Mr. Fredricksen came back... Rex and Horton had cleaned everything up.

**Rex:**Are we ready?

**Norman:**(voiceover) And Fairytale Land was back to normal.

**Rex:**Huh!

(Horton gasps)

(Bagpipes)

**Carl Fredricksen:**Man, I can't believe it. 3-iron into the short grass, perfect chip shot... and I blow my last putt. Triple bogey. (snaps fingers) Any problems?

**Horton:**Problems? No. No problems. Come on. Everything went pretty smooth.

**Rex:**Oh, yes. Every story had an ending.

**Carl Fredricksen:**Good.

**Norman:** (voiceover) But I gotta say, this is my favorite part of the story.

(crowd cheering)

**Norman:** (voiceover) I guess an ordinary guy can get a happy ending. Pretty nice, huh?

**Squidward Tentacles:**Whoo-hoo!

**Norman:** (voiceover) And you know who paid for everything? Prince Wolf.

**Wolf W. Wolf:**Whoo!

**Norman:** (voiceover) He's not such a bad guy after all.

**Wolf W. Wolf:**Whoo-hoo!

**Norman:**(voiceover) So what does "happily ever after" really mean? Beats me. But, you know, I think we're gonna find out.

(fireworks blasting)

(piano)

(Leopard seal growls)

(Mrs. Tweedy gasps)

(Leopard seal roars)

(Mrs. Tweedy gasps)

(Leopard seal growls)

**Mrs. Tweedy:**Back! Back! Bad creature! And back, you! Oof! Aah! All of you, get back! No! No! Oh! I'm the Empress of Evil!

(Rock music plays)

Cast:

Coraline Jones  DAKOTA FANNING

Norman  KODI SMIT McPHEE

Horton   JIM CARREY

Rex   WALLACE SHAWN

Mrs. Tweedy   MIRANDA RICHARDSON

Wolf W. Wolf    PATRICK WARBURTON

Gloomius Maximus    JAMES WOODS

Carl Fredricksen    ED ASNER

Sunny Flare   BRITT IRVIN

Sour Sweet   SHARON ALEXANDER

SpongeBob SquarePants   TOM KENNY

Patrick Star    BILL FAGERBAKKE

Squidward Tentacles    RODGER BUMPASS

Joy   AMY POEHLER

Lydia Copperbottom   DIANNE WIEST

Baby Rodney Copperbottom   TARA STRONG

Doc   HARRY STOCKWELL

Happy  OTIS HARLAN

Grumpy   PINTO COLVIG

Captain Gantu   KEVIN MICHAEL RICHARDSON

Mandragora   CAROLYN LAWRENCE

Ursula   PAT CARROLL

Gaia Everfree   ENID-RAYE ADAMS

Thunderclap   STEVE ZAHN

Bela   ROB RIGGLE

Garble   VINCENT TONG

Boss Gambling Bear   JIM CUMMINGS

Gambling Bears    JIM CUMMINGS

Sha Ron   JILLIAN HENRY

Mike Wazowski   BILLY CRYSTAL

Blythe Baxter   ASHLEIGH BALL

Josh Sharp   SAMUEL VINCENT

Human Shrek    MIKE MYERS

Mickey Mouse    BRET IWAN

Royal Guard #1   NEIL CRONE

Royal Guard #2    KEVIN FRANK

Frankie the Frog    AURIAN REDSON

Leopard Seals    FRANK WELKER

**Garble:** (voiceover) Yeah, yeah!