Magic University and The Spell Games (First Draft)

This is the first draft of Chronicles Episode "Magic University and The Spell Games".

Lost drafted due to creative differences.

## Synopsis

After finally getting some cider after the events of *Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000*, Rainbow Dash treats her friends by taking them on a trip to a mysterious cider bar for mythical creatures hidden away from prejudice, where Twilight unexpectedly runs into some of her old college friends. Twilight tells the story of her experiences at her college Magic University, specifically her involvement in their sporting event, The Spell Games.

## Original Transcript

### Prologue

(The night before *Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000*)

Rainbow Dash: (She was seen looking into her bathroom mirror) Look at yourself, Rainbow Dash. I mean, by sweet Celestia, Dash, you’re a pathetic wreck. I mean, that pink bitch... she can't even stop to give you a few free pints of cider every once in a while, and yet, you go through this every year! Year after year, she blows her money away when she has better things to her! This is why you never default on your mortgage, Dash. (Scrounges up from bits) Okay, I have... 20 bits. That's good for a couple of glasses at the usual place. If I don't get any cider, like I do every year, I'll just go there, drink a few, enjoy myself. (Sighs) Okay, here we go. (Leaves her house)

(The night after *Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000*)

(The Mane Six are seen travelling at night in the middle of nowhere)

Applejack: Sure is nice of you to treat us to a little night out, Rainbow.

Rainbow Dash: Don't mention it. I mean, I was gonna go on my own in case they ran out of cider again.

Pinkie Pie: Hey, I saved you a pint, didn't I?

Rainbow: And because of that, I thought I'd show you this awesome place where they get their cider out fresh all the time.

Twilight Sparkle: Hmm...

Fluttershy: Is something wrong, Twilight?

Twilight: I'm getting a feeling that we shouldn't be all the way out here in the middle of the night.

Applejack: Come to think of it, where are we?

Rarity: Indeed. I love a moonlit stroll as much as the next pony, but this doesn't look like the normal route.

Rainbow: Oh, I almost forgot. Don't go around telling everyone about this joint. It's kind of a secret.

Applejack: Where in the hay are you leading us to exactly?

Rainbow: You'll see. (She leads them to a rusty metal gate with stone arches, like the ones in gated cemeteries)

???: You don't have to go back to Taurasia, but you can't stay here! (A minotaur gets thrown out of an invisible force field)

Minotaur: (Drunken off of apple cider) Oh, sure! Go ahead, throw me out! I know-- (Hic!) I know when I-- (Hic!) Know when I-- (Hic!) When I'm not-- (Hic!) When I'm not wanted... (He faints)

Fluttershy: Oh, my.

Rainbow Dash: Wait here. (Goes up to the gate and slips the paper in)

???: Special guest, huh? (A white cat steps out)

Cat: (Deep voice) Meow. (Climbs up a wooden stool) Password, please.

Rainbow: The pink bitch sent me.

Cat: Ah, good day, Rainbow Dash. Right on time, as per usual for cider season.

Rainbow: Yeah, but this time it's a little different. I brought some friends with me. Hey, guys! (Spike and the other Mane Six come out)

???: YOU DID WHAT?! (A Vulture Harpy swooped in and landed)

Vulture Harpy: "RAINBOW DASH, WE HAVE SPEFIFICLY AGREED THAT YOU WOULD KEEP THIS PLACE TO YOURSELF?!"

Rainbow Dash: It's cool, Miss Harpin Fartin... (Pinkie broke into laughter at that) These guys are cool.

Twilight: A Harpy? (Looks at the white Cat) And a talking cat? Here?

Miss Harpin: Color me less then impressed. What happened with the Griffin Girl, the one who showed you this place?

Rainbow Dash: (Rainbow Dash got sad and bitter) Gilda and I..... Are not at good speaking terms at the moment.

Miss Harpin: Oh, I see. One of those infamous trial seperation things, eh? I swear, you two are too quick to be at eachother's throats for the most trivial of reasons.

Pinkie: Well, this time, it was because Gilda was just being mean.

Miss Harpin: Tch, you got upset at a Griffin, being "Mean"? HEY, YOU GUYS HEARD THAT?! THEY GOT UPSET AT A GRIFFIN, FOR BEING A GRIFFIN?! (The Bar Patrons burst into laughter)

Applejack: Is there something we aren't aware about Griffins?

Miss Harpin: Oh, my poor dears. Let's just say, Gilda's attatude is only, a symptom of a larger problem. But, that's a story for another time. Well, if Rainbow wants you bunch to be here, then may as well get the Initiation Serpent. HANS?! WAKE THE SERPENT UP?! (An orc freaks out and slams the gong, and from a giant hole in the wall, slithered a giant snake; as it slowly slithered to the group, it opened it's gummed maw)

Pinkie: Looks like some-snake didn't take care of their oral- (A giant cartoonishly long fang popped out with a "BOING") AYAYAYAYAYAY!

Miss Harpin: Who's first?

Rarity: I VOLUNTEER APPLEJACK!

Applejack: Beg yer pardon?!

Twilight: WHAT THE?! I WANT TO COMPLAIN TO THE OWN- (Saw that Harpin's face was on a frame with the words "Owner" on it) Oh, horse apples.

Fluttershy: No offense Rainbow, but, I don't think I want to be here anymore!

Cat: Hold on, Miss Harpin. We'd better let the gatekeeper look at 'em first, make sure they're not the prejudiced type. Also, ya know how hissy your grand-daughter can be when you bring Smiley out.

Pinkie: I like that name.

Rainbow: Besides, it's only for tonight.

Miss Harpin: D'ohhhh, fine. But your missing out on a great initiation ceremony.

Cat: Good. Now, let's get the gatekeeper out.

Rainbow Dash: (Whispers) Good save, Ralph.

Cat (Ralph): (Speaks into a funnel) Bring in the hydra.

Mane Six (Except Rainbow Dash): HYDRA?!

Ralph: Oh don't worry, he's a domesicated hydra. They're not like the wild varmints.

???: How many?

Ralph: Rainbow Dash brought in five ponies, plus a lizard.

Spike: Lizard?! Why I oughta-

???: So... Six, then?

Ralph: (Pauses) Yeah, six of 'em oughta do. (A few moments later, six dark blue hydra heads extend from the invisible force field)

Hydra Head #1: Sorry, ladies. My bros and I are gonna have to search you. (The hydra heads sniff at their respective girls and Spike) Hey wait a minute Ralph, this little "Lizard" is a baby dragon!

Ralph: Could've fooled me with the severe lack of wings.

Hydra Head #2: (Recognizes Twilight's scent) It's her. (The hydra heads whisper amongst themselves)

All Hydra Heads: They're clean! (They all disappear like magic)

Rarity: And here I thought the snake with the over-sized fang was gonna be the freakiest thing about this place.

Ralph: Go ahead and help yourselves to drinks. (The Group got to the bar and were met by an Ogre Bartender)

Ogre Bartender: (Heavy Scottish Accent) How's it going Dashie? Shall I go ahead and bring ya the usual lassie?

Rainbow Dash: Ya know me too well, Angus McHaggis.

Angus: What about the new comers?

Applejack: Oh, uh, I would like a sample of your finest cider, so I'll know what I'm up against here.

Pinkie: (Slams a large bag of money) Give me an entire barrel's worth!

Fluttershy: Uh... (Shyly hides behind mane) Just a small cup, if that's okay with you.

Rarity: I don't suppose you would serve Cider in, a more refined glass?

Twilight: Do you have any menus? I mean, giving this place mainly serves cider I would imagine opitions aren't that great, but, I want to see if there's any specifics I can- (Angus lifts down an over-sized sign that has variations of cider) Oh. Then in that case, I'll just have the regular. Nothing too fancy.

Spike: I'll take the non-alcaholic Cider. Minor, you know.

Angus: I hear ya. (Shouting) OKAY LADIES, WE GOT SOME SPECIAL ORDERS FROM SPECIAL GUESTS WITH OUR FAVORITE CUSTOMER! (Goes into the kitchen)

(Suddenly, a large shadow looms over Fluttershy, as she meeped to look at a big angry troll, who leers at her as an Eyepatched Centaur came up)

Centaur: He doesn't like you.

Fluttershy: Oh, I'm sorry. Was it something I- (The Eyepatched Centaur grabbed her) EEP!

Centaur: I don't like ya neither!"

Fluttershy: W-w-w-w-w, Was it something I did?

Centaur: More like is what Ponies have been doing fer centauries! Ya got to live in paradise while the rest of us have to fight for scraps just to stay alive! You privileged god-favorites have it TOO good! But don't count on it forever. One of these days, the Storm Clan's gonna find out about Equestria, and when they do, kiss yer happiness good bye!

Fluttershy: Storms can have clans?

Centaur: (Pauses) GOOD GRIEF, HOW IGNORENT ARE YA?! Okay, screw it?! Boru, let's shave her pretty mane off?! (Boru the troll pulled out a shaver as he chuckled wickedly)

Fluttershy: MEEP?!

???: HEY, CARTER, BORU?! (The two angry sots looked to see a male equivalent to the being similar to the questionable reimagining of Maleficent)

Man: Look, I get you guys are bitter about ponies having the bigger piece of the pie, but being assholes about it ain't gonna fix that.

Carter: YA STAY OUT OF THIS, YOU WINGED FREAK?! Ya don't wanna mess with us! I'm the strongest Centaur of all of the Centaur side of Taurasia! And Boru once wrestled packs of Manticores into the ground! You mess with us, those wings are going bye-bye!

Man: And you don't want to mess with me. My pals and I fought against shit that you can't imagine, so you might want to move along.

Carter: (Laughs) I don't see any friends around ya, buster! You're delusional! Boru, make short work of this arse! (Boru roared, as he charged at the stranger)

Man: (Quietly) They never listen. (Exudes an aura from his hand) Into a mouse. (Uses magic to turn Boru into a mouse, much to the latter's confusion) Augusta! Dinner! (A half-human harpy clone of Lindsay from Total Drama flies in)

Harpy (Augusta): Aw, do I have to? That mouse was recently transformed, and is still alive. (The boy gives her a look) Okay... (Picks up the Boru mouse) I'm about to put this little guy in my... (She dangles the Boru mouse over her mouth as it squeaks in terror and Fluttershy covered her eyes)

Carter: DON'T YOU EVEN DARE, YOU SICK BITCH!

Man: You know how to make her stop, Carter.

Miss Harpin: (Arrives) Mihael! Augusta! What are you doing? (Sees the Boru mouse) Is that... is that a customer?!

Mihael: Technically, it's a mouse.

Bar Patrons: EAT HIM! EAT HIM! EAT HIM!

Carter: DON'T CHEER HER ON, YA TWATS! (Angerly charged at Mihael) NOW YOU'RE GONNA GET IT, YOU REJECT FROM THAT REALLY IFFY MALEFICENT MOVIE!

Mihael: Augusta, let him go. (Augusta flicks the Boru mouse in the air, and Mihael turns him back into a troll as he falls onto Carter; the bar patrons laugh) We got rules in this bar, and one of them is "No harassing fellow patrons, especially ponies." But I'm feeling merciful today, so drink your cider and get out. (Carter and Boru begrudgingly went back to their table)

Applejack: Thanks, partner. Mighty nice of you, helping a stranger.

Mihael: Nothing doing. Word of advice, Harpin may own this bar, but I keep it running. What you saw was just self defense. Break the rules, and pay the price.

Miss Harpin: And surely you remember from your years at Magic University not to use your magic as a punishment?

Mihael: They might've mentioned it.

Miss Harpin: And you will do well to remember it. (She leaves)

Twilight: (Thinks) *Magic University?* (Sees Mihael as he whispers something in an African-American centauress' ear) *No, that's just a coincidence.*

Rainbow: Come on, guys. Let's grab a table.

Rarity: But let's be sure it's away from... (Looks at the angered Carter and Boru) Undesirables.

Rainbow Dash: Yeah, sorry about that. Kinda why I only wanted to bring you guys here just for tonight. A lot of Mythics are... A bit bitter about Equestria."

Pinkie: Well why? We never did anything bad to them.

Rainbow Dash: Well, like Carter said. Ponies got the easy life while mythics have it rough. Some like Carter and Boru blame them to being "God-Faverites" to the Alicorn Gods."

Applejack: Well being mad at something like that is unhealthy.

Rainbow: Tell me about it. (They sit down at the table when the centauress, who appears to be a centaur clone of Leshawna from Total Drama, brings their drinks)

Centauress: Here y'all are, girls. (Sets their ciders down)

Rainbow: Thanks, Shanice.

Centauress (Shanice): Another one of our waitresses will be back to take your orders. Also, I'm obligated to tell you that refills here are free. (Leaves)

Applejack: Now, let's see about that cider. (Sips her sample and a female minotaur waitress rolls Pinkie's barrel of cider in)..... DADGUM, THIS ACTUALLY SMACKS APPLE ACRES' CIDER OUT OF THE PARK! I'm surprised these guys aren't competing with us!

Rainbow Dash: Well, that's because they want to stay a secret. Ponies aren't usually so easily cool with mythics. I mean, they're not as bad as P-R-E-D, but, ponies have a bad habit of looking at mythics like as if they're mysterious wonders, or if they had a sour impression, are afraid of them. But we'll talk more later. Bottom's up!

(A few drinks later...)

Rainbow: (She's clearly drunk off the cider) Hey, Pink. Gotta talk to you about sum'thin...

Pinkie: Yeah?

Rainbow: Here iss you... You go to theesh extreme lengths to-- (Burps) 'Scuse me. To get Applejack's cider... Why don' you just 'ave 'er put one on ice for you? I mean, my Gods... that tent, how much did it cost you, hundred, maybe 150 bits. And we go through this every year! This is why the Cakes are defaulting on their mortgage... This is why ol' lady Cuppy has to strip... You got a problem, Pinkie, a real- (Hic!) Serious problem, and it's gotta be addressed. I mean seriously-- (Burps) 'Scuse me. Whuh is it about Applejack's cider that sets it apart from other ciders?!

Pinkie: (Uneasy) Uh... Because she's my friend?

Rainbow: Oh, Jack-Apple's yer pal, but I ain't?

Twilight: Okay, Rainbow, I think you've had enough.

Rainbow: DON'T tell me when I've had enough cider! I'll tell YOU when I've had enough! (Briefly cries) I'm sorry, Twinkie Sprinkles, I didn't mean to snap at you... I'll chase it down with some salt. WAITER! (Falls out of her seat)

Rarity: Goodness, this is strong stuff.

Pinkie: And that's only from only TWO refills!

Applejack: (Helps Rainbow back up) No wonder she comes here every cider season.

Twilight: Hmm...

Spike: (Drinking his non-alcoholic cider) Something wrong, Twilight?

Twilight: No, it's just.. aside from her being drunk, no one's called me by that name since--

???: TWILIGHT SPARKLE! (A half-Qunari half-Minotaur clone of MacArthur from Total Drama is standing near the piano and snorts)

Twilight: Valerie Farmer... Wait here, girls. This might get ugly. (The crowd clears the way as the two entered a standoff until Valeire picks Twilight up... and hugs her)

Valerie: Good to see you, you little rascal!

Twilight: (Laughs) You too!

Valerie: Never thought I'd see you in THIS neck of Equestrian woods!

Twilight: Me neither. Hey, I see you're working the piano.

Valerie: Yeah. Even after college, it helps me keep in touch with my feminine side.

Rainbow: (Still drunk) Yer right... this IS ugly.

Valerie: So, Gusty and Mihael told me that Carter and Borus were giving one of your new friends some shit earlier, huh?

Twilight: Well, luckily Mihael was there to help out. Then I thought "That couldn't be the Mihael who helped me out all those years ago".

Pinkie: HEY! (Twilight and Valerie turn to her) Who is this?

Twilight: Girls, this is Valerie Farmer. She's one of my old friends. We met at Magic University years ago.

Valerie: Yeah, and I bet you went through some CRAZY shit after we stopped Madame Sphynx. Hey, Spike, get over here, little guy!

Spike: Wait a minute...... VALERIE?! (Zooms off to her location) That really you? Yowza, someone's been working out!

Rarity: Um, Twilight, pardon my rudeness, but, you're familier with this Minotaur Girl?

Pinkie: I thought Minotaurs were a male only race.

Valerie: We were. But, let's just say, Starswirl resolved that problem, and, leave it at that. Besides, I'm not really all minotaur, but we'll get to that when we get to that.

Applejack: Funny how Twilight never mentioned you.

Fluttershy: Or any Magic University.

Valerie: WHAT?! You've never heard of Mag-U?!

Fluttershy: "Mag-U"?

Valerie: We used to call it "M.U.", but it kept getting the school mistaken for being a University for Cows, so we had to change the abridgement.

Twilight: Sorry I didn't say anything about Magic University, Valerie. I felt that, my time there wasn't relevant prior to this.

Pinkie: Okay, now THIS I gotta hear! If you made friends with a bunch of mythics at a magical college, you must have some amazing stories!

Twilight: Well, some are amazing, others... Not so amazing--

Valerie: So, hey, Twilight, is Celestia still keeping that Spell Games fiasco a secret? That mess is barely even relevant anymore.

???: (A fat minotaur in a metal helmet comes by the table) Hey, uh, I thought we weren't supposed to bring that up around... You-know-who... (Points to Augusta) She still hasn't gotten over it.

Valerie: Hey, Twilight's friends are our friends, too, Iggy. They gotta know what happened back then.

Iggy: I'm just saying, ya know how Augusta doesn't like to be reminded of it.

Shanice: (Comes up to the table) Yeah, and we still haven't heard from Helena.

Valerie: We don't even know where she is. And frankly, I'm still bitter enough to not really care at the moment.

Applejack: Don't worry. We're sure that whatever you had to put up with, we can handle the details. (Rainbow Dash is seen to have passed out from inebriation) Maybe not all of us, but...

Mihael: (Sighs) I got it. (Exudes the aura from his hands) Inebriation... BEGONE! (Snaps his fingers and Rainbow Dash wakes up)

Rainbow: Huh, who, what, when, where, what, huh? Where am I?..... Huh..... Usually I take awhile before I become sober. And that usually comes with a murderous hangover.

Pinkie: The winged dude made you undrunk.

Rainbow: Oh. Usually he just gives me a lift home.

Mihael: Anyway, turns out Twilight's dream of being taught by Celestia came attached with a scholarship to Magic University, a school where mythics gifted in the ways of magic who dream of becoming Celestia's students can attend. Twilight's days at Mag-U began 10 years ago when she got her cutie mark and was old enough to leave the school nursery. But her real trouble was staying friends with Augusta. (Augusta walks away bitterly)

### Chapter 1: Twilight Sparkle, the College Student

(10 years ago...)

(Mihael): Augusta had just boarded the yacht to travel to Magic University after three years of being held back due to bad grades.

Augusta: (A young Augusta was seen boarding a bus-like yacht) Ah, here we go, Gusty. This could be your chance to not be a first-year after all this time. (Goes over to another seat where a decently cute-looking female orc is sitting) Would you mind if I sat here?

Orc: No, not at all. (Augusta sits with her) My name's Kasey... With a K.

Augusta: I'm Augusta Cardinal. My friends call me Gusty. You know, for an orc, you're surprisingly less ugly than I thought you'd be.

Kasey: Ooh... (Inhales through her teeth) You probably didn't know, but in the village I'm from, an orc can call another orc ugly, but when other species do it, it's kind of...

Augusta: (Gasps) I'm so sorry! Just imagine, me, Gusty, the girl everyone thinks is just an air-headed dopey harpy, stereotyping you.

Kasey: That's okay. It's a common mistake at best. I mean, I know orcs are not usually easy on the eyes for other races, but trust me, the ugliness thing is MINOR compared to how we're often considered bad guys because of a few bad eggs.

Yacht Driver: Oh, you girls are going to love Magic University. In fact, Princess Celestia herself said that... Miss, where are the other students?

Augusta: Other students?

Kasey: You mean, the water girls? I told them they have to ride in the hot tub.

Yacht Driver: HOT TUB?! NO WONDER EVERYTHING'S BEEN SMELLING LIKE FISHSTICKS?! (Runs off)

(Fluttershy): Goodness! Are they okay?

(Valerie): Luckly, smelling like fishsticks was the worst thing to happen.

Kasey: (A couple of mermaids and merman were seen moaning in pain) Okay, how hot was that hot tub that sea creatures turn into something out of Red Lobster?

Augusta: Sorry, that thing's been broken for awhile. I was almost turned to boiled chicken from the stupid thing.

???: Good thing I was lucky enough to avoid that. (A Lapis Lazuli Gem with her gem on her forehead was carrying a mermaid in a water barrel as she sat down and placed the barrel next to her)

Mermaid: Hey, Gusty.

Augusta: Hey, Alison. Still traveling by Lapis, I see.

Alison: It's not a money thing, I just get uneasy around boats. You know how it is when some people want to keep their ship...

Lapis Lazuli (Forehead Gem): Dry. Yeah. "Ahh, too dry". We know.

(Pinkie): Why would she travel on rocks?

(Valerie): You, uh, misunderstood me. See, Allison has this alien humanoid shape-swifter whose life force is depended on a precious stone they're named after, and... Okay, I admit, that was a weird thing to say. I take it you guys are not familier with "Steven Universe"? Well, anyway...

(Meanwhile, with Twilight...)

Celestia: Here we are, my most faithful student... Magic University. (A young Twilight was seen excited, but nervous and Spike was a pack mule for all of Twilight's things)

Spike: I know Twilight hatched me from an egg when she was young, but do I always have to be the pack mule?

Twilight: Princess, is this where the most gifted ponies go?

Spike: AND I wasn't even acknowledged.

Celestia: Well, I'm going to let you in on a long kept secret. This school is-- (A living suit of pony armor runs onto the scene)

Pony Armor: Princess Celestia, Madame! We have discovered an urgent plumbing issue that requires your attention!

Celestia: Plumbing? What seems to be the problem?

Pony Armor: There is a clogged toilet on the top floor of the Eastern Women's Dormitory. (A giantess student is seen from the knees down)

Giantess: Sorry.

Celestia: That's quite all right. We all get stomach aches.

Goblin Janitor: EASY FOR YOU TO SAY! Ya don't have to be the one to clean all that literal shit! I'm gonna have to call the entire team for this!

Twilight: Wait a minute, are these.... Mythics? I thought they all died out in the Fear Wars!

Celestia: I take it have a lot to explain, don't I?

Pony Armor: Can that wait after you deal with a very concerning toilet issue? Because soon that giant poop will STINK up the place!

Celestia: (Quietly) Not in front of my student, Sir Suit-Zoot.

Pony Armor (Sir Suit-Zoot): (Sees Twilight) Very well, make your explanation quick.

Goblin Janitor: Yeah, and hurry. (The two of them run off)

Celestia: You see, Twilight, after Unicorns, Pegasi and Earth Ponies finally learned to live together in harmony, I happened upon an idea that many mythical creatures of legend should come to Equestria and live in similar harmony with the ponies. This extraordinary college was built after the Unity of Mythics and Ponies and the forming of the Equestrian Royal Council where gifted creatures of legend who want to study magic and become faithful students can attend.

Twilight: But, what about... Him?

Spike: Him who?

Twilight: The Boogeyman, who tried to cast Equestria into an eternal age of fear, but the princess vanquished him in his tracks before the famed Princess Luna vanished. Yet I have no idea what happened to her.

Celestia: All of those Mythics that "died out" didn't exactly die out. They only have gone into hiding. Since that time, they no longer have bad tidings with Equestrians. Still, their nations are moved around a lot.

Spike: Well, I'll be a son of a fish stick.

Celestia: And now, I must go. That toilet isn't going to unclog itself. Why don't you make yourself comfortable? (Flies away)

Twilight: I'll make you proud, Princess. (to herself) I still can't believe I'm finally here. With everything I dreamed of since I was a filly, the reality of this is sure to make me the best college student ever. (to Spike) Okay, Spike, what's first on our to-do list?

Spike: (Pulls out a list) Okay, first up, there's "get registered"... (A Tarkatan speeds toward them and stops a couple of feet in front of them)

Both: AHHH!

Tarkatan: Hiya there, freshmen! I'm Clay the R.A., and I'm here to say, registration is... (points to a building with his retractable claw) That-a-way!

Twilight: Uh... okay, Clay.

Clay: Have a great first day! (Runs off)

Spike: Didn't really look like a mythic. What kinda creature WAS that?

Twilight: I can only guess. But he looked like he belongs to something EXTRA violent. I wouldn't be surprised if he was from another world, an alternate plain of existence even.

Kasey: (Appears behind Spike) Oh, those look heavy. Let me help you. (Lifts up Twilight's bags with just one arm)

Spike: HOLY CRUD, AN ORC!

Kasey: (Sighs) (Quietly) Don't worry Kasey, reactions like that will be common, remember the unpleasent expectations of orcs.

Twilight: (Sheilds Spike) Listen, Mr. Orc, Spike didn't want any trouble, we-

Kasey: Actually, I'm a girl. (Twilight and Spike were surprised) I mean, okay, I know I am not exactly the most overtly feminine orc ever, but that can't be helped since Orcs are naturally big-bodied beings.

Spike: I just noticed that your-

Kasey: Surprisingly nice? I get it, you expected me to be a total bad-tempered meat-head because, I know, Orcs aren't exactly known for being chill. I know those bad examples set poor expectations of what Orcs are, but it doesn't hurt to at least try to know them before you expect the worse, kay?

Twilight: Wow, only a few minutes in and already I'm learning something new. (A Giant Spider with a Camera appeared and snapped Twilight's and Spike's pictures)

Both: DAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

Giant Spider: That's one for the yearbook! (Gets photo) When this is ready, I am so gonna go for "Most likely to be really cute"! (Crawls off)

Spike: Did we just had our picture taken, by a giant talking spider?

Twilight: What's next, we encounter Bigfoot and an alien? (A Bigfoot and a defected Irken walked by them)

Bigfoot: 'S'up.

Irken: Irken's greetings.

Spike: (Spike and Twilight stared bewildered) This school could not get weirder. (Wizards in the style of the first Spyro the Dragon Game flew in)

Kasey: Heads up, it's the Wiz-Prefects.

Spike: (Chuckles) Wiz.

Kasey: Hey, based on what I heard, the Wiz-Prefects are basically hall monitors. (Some Wiz-Prefects surround a Garbage Troll eating garbage)

Wiz-Prefect 1: That garbage is not for eating, Daniel.

Daniel the Garbage Troll: Hey give me a break, wiz-fects! I'm a garbage troll, we're suppose to eat garbage! It's not like anyone else wants it.

Wiz-Prefect 2: This school is trying to have students follow a strict diet. And discarded objects don't count.

Cardanial: Hey be cool, I didn't have breakfast this morning!

Wiz-Prefect 3: Then perhaps you would like to explain that to the Student Counselor Basilisk?

Cardanial: Hey come on, that guy's so condescending. He talks down to people like they're 3 year olds.

Wiz-Prefect 4: We're all technically younger then him. He's a millennia old. Now put the trash down and march to the Counselor's office. (Cardanial moaned disgruntled as he puts the trash back down)

Spike: Wow, those guys are strict.

Kasey: That's nothing. Just watch when they respond to those that really push the limits, even for so much as chewing gum. (A Lizard Man Teen was seen chewing gum and the Wiz-Prefects saw this)

Wiz-Prefect 5: GUM ON THE PREMISES! (The group charged at the Lizard Man Teen, who screamed as he made a run for it) STOP HIM!

Twilight: Holy Equestria, why would Celestia allow these extreme measures?

Augusta: (Shows up) Yeah, it wasn't necessarily Celestia's doing... 'Cause, ya know, with her being a ruler of an entire nation, she isn't much able to give too much imput, so, the school had to be micromanaged by Mag-U's Principal and Vice Principal: A sentient will'o'wisp, and one of those, weird living Flytrap plant people. Principal William Wisper, and Vice-Principal Headason Biteoff.

Spike: (While rolling his eyes) REAAAL subtle names there.

Augusta: Tch, I know, right? I'm Augusta. Third-time first year student.

Kasey: I'm Kasey... with a K. First year.

Twilight: I'm Twilight Sparkle, first year. And this is Spike.

Kasey: Whaddya say we head down to registration?

(At the registration counter)

Kasey: We're next! (Twilight, Kasey and Augusta go up to an overweight female satyr)

Satyr: Hey! I'm Day! Here are your orientation packets. (Hands Twilight and Kasey orientation packets)

Kasey: Thanks, Day!

Day: Augusta, welcome back! Fourth time's the charm, huh?

Augusta: You bet, Day.

Spike: FOURTH time?

Augusta: Yeah, Celestia held me back. Three times.

Day: You girls can drop your bags off here and get your pictures taken with Ray.

Spike: Ray? (A male giraffe sticks his neck out)

Giraffe: Over here! I'm Ray, and I'm here to take freshman pictures!

Spike: Wait, I though Giraffes were un-sentient!

Day: It depends on the type of giraffe. It's complicated. (The three girls get their pictures taken one at a time)

Kasey: Starting today, I'm a college student! Can you believe it?!

Augusta: Hopefully I won't get held back this year! (A human fairy came by leading a group of students)

Fairy: Okay, everyone, I'm Shay, and I'll be giving your orientation tour on this perfect day!

Augusta: You guys go on ahead without me. I gotta go meet my friends. (Walks off, but bumps into a stocky minotaur) Oh, sorry, Mr. Farmer!

Minotaur (Mr. Farmer): That's okay, Augusta. No one got hurt. Let me know if you see Valerie.

Augusta: Hoo, boy. Yes, sir! (Flies away)

Shay: Oh, people, this is Mr. Farmer, the college disciplinarian. (The crowd oohed)

Spike: (Quietly) Easily impressed much?

Mr. Farmer: As disciplinarian, it's my job to punish those who break the rules. And I can personally guarantee you, that as long as Celestia is around, no living being will be harmed on campus. (The tour group is intimidated) Carry on. (Twilight, Spike and Kasey join the tour group as Augusta watches them from above, and her eyes give a golden glow, unseen by other students)

(In a dimly lit building)

???: (A crystal ball is seen focusing on Twilight and Spike as a creature views it from the shadows) Yes... join your little group, my little pony. We wouldn't want to miss dear old Celestia's freshman celebration now, would we? (Scoffs) Celebration. Bah! In my day, we had fantastical social events, when Luna was around. (The creature steps into the light, revealing a sphinx who looks like Zira, but with wings)

Sphynx: And now look at me. Banished and imprisoned in this school while SHE and her prissy pony people have parties. Hmph! Well, I'll be sure to give her a party she won't soon forget.

???: Are ya spying on the students again, Miss Sphynx? (A lamia slithers out of the shadows)

Lamia: 'Cause, that is creepy as all crud.

Madame Sphynx: Tch, you and your snarky comments, Helena. When I see in this crystal ball, it is not just another set of stary-eyed hopefuls. I see... Everything. Darkness and light, despair and hope.

Lamia (Helena): (Quietly) There she goes again.

Madame Sphynx: Chaos and harmony, (As Helena hand-puppets Sphynx's words) Joy and sadness... (Sternly at Helena) SUBSERVIENCE AND TREACHERY!

Helena: Hey hey, chill it with that temper, why don't ya?

Madame Sphynx: The possibility of imminent failure... The satisfaction of success... A culmination of all that my other students have reached for but could not grasp! (Laughs) I see everything! I see absolutely everything in her! (Sighs) It is a shame that such potential is wasted upon that foolish firstborn Celestia. Cardinil, Slitherman, Scorchman! I want to make a public appearance at this year's freshman orientation ceremony. And make sure you give special attention to that purple unicorn. She may hold the key to Celstia's undoing...

Helena: (Scoffs sarcastically) That doesn't seem omnious at all.

Madame Sphynx: WILL YOU JUST LEAVE?!

Helena: Okay okay, this evil witch lair shtick is cramping my style anyway. (She exits a desolate stone building)

Mr. Farmer: (Passes by) Helena, have you seen Valerie?

Helena: That's a big no on the sighting a certain minotaur hybrid, Mr. Farmer, but there's a safe bet she's not far behind.

(Meanwhile...)

Shay: The campus offers a wide variety of majors, both related and not related to magic, but the crowning achievement of Mag-U is Celestia's Magic Program. (She gestures to a large building with a statue of Celestia in front of it)

Bat Folk Freshman: Yeesh, egocentric much? I thought Celestia would be more humble then that.

Shay: That was mostly from the principals.

Bat Folk Freshman: Well what kind of lousy cock-suckers do they have to be to build this? (A large flytrap plant being appeared behind the group) I mean, this is an extreme case of ass-kiss-

Voice: INSOLENCE! (Bat Folk Freshmen freaks out to see the plant being, which holds a golden hue crystal ball with a color changing mist)

Crystal Ball: I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS KIND OF DISRESPECT! And here I thought new students were a fresh new start!

Shay: I'm sorry about that, Principal Wisper. They can't all be winners.

Principal Wisper: To my dismay... Headason! Drag the bat folk child into my office!

Bat Folk Freshman: Wait wait wait, don't I get a say in this- (The plant being starts to drag the bat folk freshman away with its vines)

Spike: (Quietly) Yeesh, for a will'o'the'wisp, he sure is awfully loud.

Principal Wisper: (Dubbed as Scar) WHAT DID YOU SAY?! (The group stares at Twilight)

Twilight: Uh... I uh... Said absolutely nothing.

Principal Wisper: Good. Now move along. (The tour group moves along and the principals leave with the bat folk freshman)

Twilight: (Quietly) Spike, you almost gave me a bad first impression with the principals on the first day!

Spike: (Quietly) I didn't think he would hear that!

Twilight: Let's hope things get better in time when the ceremony starts.

Celestia: (Flies in) Enjoying the tour, Twilight?

Twilight: Well, that depends... Did you know anything about an overly strict Will'o'wisp having an army of strict wizards and a plant being going around being REALLY strict and also over-glorified you in some areas like that statue?

Celestia: (Sighs) Of course Ol' William takes things to over the top levels again while I'm away doing royal duties. I really need to get that literal ball of hot-air to try and relax more. But don't worry, he's actually very kind and sweet when you get to know him better.

Spike: Try telling that to that Bat Folk kid about to get an earful from him.

Celstia: Well, let's hope Mr. Farmer comes up with a suitable punishment when the ceremony starts. Come, let me show you some clubs you could attend.

Kasey: You have room for one more? I need to make some new friends anyway.

(In another part of the campus)

Troll: (An obese troll speaks up) hey! Keep your magic in good taste, at the Cooking Club.

Nickelodeon Fairy: (A Nickelodeon fairy poofs in) Come join the Untied Universal Relations Team!

Celestia: I'm sure you know by now to expect students from other worlds.

Twilight: Yes, Princess. (They pass by a female dullahan and a muscly jock ogre)

Dullahan: Magic University Greek Council. We sponsor the annual Spell Games.

Twilight: (goes back to them) The Spell what?

Ogre: THE SPELL GAMES! A far-out intense magic competition!

Dullahan: They can be dangerous, because anything can happen. You could get hospitalized.

Ogre: And it's worth it! You get a chance to compete with the best of the best! And thanks to healing mages, actual risk of death is the thing of the past- (The Dullhhan smacks him) OW!

Dullahan: We agreed to not reference that anymore, idiot! Especially not to freshmen!

Celestia: Don't worry, Twilight, any actual deaths were extremely rare even before the advent of healing mages.

Twilight: Yeah, all the same, I'll, uh, understandably pass on it.

Dullahan: Well, you're always welcome to give it a try when you do feel ready! (Celestia and Twilight moved on)

Gothic Gargoyle: Gothic club.

Nerdy Goblin: Chess club.

Even Nerdier Goblin: Ye Olde Ogres and Oubliettes club. (Spike was curious by that)

Sporty Lizardman: SPORTS CLUB, HOO-HA!

Creature capturer Birdman: Creature Catching Club.

Lake Creature: Fishing Club.

Troll with a club: Duh, Clubs club.

Crazy Goblin: (Holds a bomb) Explosives club!

Wiz-Prefect 1: (Shows up with other Wiz-Prefects) HEY, WE SAID THAT CLUB WAS DISBANDED!

Crazy Goblin: Crap...

Giant Worm: Literature club. (Fixes his glasses a bit)

Twilight: Now that's something I can get behind.

Spike: Becuase of COURSE you would be attracted to books.

Harpy: Hey, little pony! Come join the improv club! You'll wish you were, uh, always, never... GOD FUCKING DAMN IT! (The bells rings)

Celestia: Ah, the freshman orientation ceremony's about to start.

Twilight: Just a sec. (Signs in to join the literature club) All set.

(Grand Stage).

Alot of Freshmen arrived at the place.......

Helena was seen slithering on stage.

Helena: "Ahem.... (Fake Enfusiasum) It is my *pleasure*, to present the opening oriantation cerimony, to give a big speech, ectera ectera yadda yadda yadda, here's Madame Sphynx.

That one weird Wonderland Voice: "HOORAY?!"

Madame Sphynx came down the stage to absolute silence......

Madame Sphynx: ".... (Quietly) You could've stand to be more cheery then that!"

Helena: "(Quietly) Oh it's not like you are well liked here! (Slithers off)."

Madame Sphynx: "(Groans annoyed)...... AHEM! Good evening, dear first year students. Allow me to open with my hard-worked on speech, in that- (Suddenly, the lights turned off, as suddenly a big TV screen rose from the ground as music was heard!) What the-..... WHO IS RESPONDSABLE FOR- (Suddenly gets pulled by a rope as she screams and is sent flyng right into a wall!) BLACH?!"

Helena couldn't help but to laugh uncoontrolly at that in sheer joy of it!

This Music plays as the freshmen were treated to a rock concert by Valerie and some familier faces and new ones!

The freshmen, but a disgruntled Twilight cheered at this.