Turkey Run

***Turkey Run*** is the nineteenth episode of *Off Book: the Improvised Musical,* and features guest Colton Dunn. For most Americans, Thanksgiving is a time of warmth and family. But for America's turkeys, it is a season fraught with danger. That's what leads the three crafty turkeys at the center of this story to don their disguises and flee for their lives, with a relentless pile of poultry in hot pursuit.

## Plot

### Act I

Forty-three friends and family members have gathered in a spacious dining room for a Thanksgiving meal. They are seated around long tables piled high with food, enjoying casual conversation. The occasion is remarkably relaxed, with no pressure to bring food, stay awake, or wipe the gravy off one's chin ("Chillsgiving").

The cousins between the ages of 19 and 23 are deep in conversation about the ideal marshmallow size. Together, they come up with the idea to make all the world's marshmallows into micro-mallows—like mini-marshmallows, but smaller—and swear to keep the idea secret until they can capitalize on it. As they continue to think about smaller and smaller mallows, they realize that, at the microscopic level, everything in the world is actually marshmallows ("Take a Mallow, Make It Micro").

Over at the kids' table, cousins Evan and Ella are frustrated by know-it-all Ethan, the only other cousin between the ages of 6 and 9. While he goes on about alphabets and DNA, the two give him the silent treatment, focusing instead on building a tall tower of green beans. Ethan misinterprets their irritation as friendship ("Green Beans").

A trio of elderly relatives are complaining while eating their meal. Their combined hearing problems and failing memories lead them down a meandering trail of conversation, as they long for better retirement options. A simple island getaway would be pleasant, far from the rest of civilization. Alternately, an island made of ice, covered in mice, consisting entirely of rice, or centering on games of dice would also do ("Retirement Communities").

Someone knocks at the front door, and the host goes to answer. It is a lonely orphan girl, attracted by the sights and sounds of celebration inside the home. After some misunderstanding, it becomes clear that she would like to join in, and the host offers a temporary place in the family. The orphan would obviously prefer some more permanent arrangement, but is content to be a part of things for however long she can get ("Borrow Some Family").

Flashback: on a country farm, three turkey friends are enjoying one another's company. They have survived every Thanksgiving so far, and, while saddened that so many of their friends have gone to their deaths, they appreciate the perspective that this brings. They grow concerned, however, at the realization that, this year, they are the only turkeys remaining on the farm. To avoid the terrible fate that awaits them, they plan a daring escape ("Be Thankful [That You're Not Being Murdered]").

### Act II

The host answers another knock at the door to find a police officer waiting. The officer asks for information about a young orphan girl. Asking him to wait, the Host then confronts the little girl about this. She asks him to lie for her, and he agrees, reporting that he has not seen any orphan. The officer warns him not to trust the girl if he sees her, for she is not what she seems. She is actually an escaped turkey, disguised as a little girl (or possibly green beans, a garden gnome, a Christmas present, or any number of other things). It seems that many turkeys have escaped this year, threatening to ruin Thanksgiving for everyone. The officer leaves, determined to track her down.

The orphan girl joins the kids at their table. After making introductions, she uses a napkin and a bit of string to disguise herself as a garden gnome. This reminds the others of the popular vacation booking site Travelocity, which Ethan thinks could be very useful for children wishing to visit international libraries and petting zoos ("International Petting Zoo"). The other cousins abandon the table, leaving the garden gnome girl and Ethan alone. She tells him of her desire to leave the United States and take shelter in a country that does not celebrate Thanksgiving. Suddenly, the green beans on the table speak. Ethan is shocked to learn that both the green beans and the garden gnome girl are turkeys in disguise. The girl warns Ethan not to trust the police officer who came to the door, as he is actually a stack of 3 chickens disguised as a human. They enlist Ethan to help them book tickets to escape the country ("Chicken Dude/Free Birds").

In the airport, the two disguised turkeys approach the JetBlue check-in counter, where they are joined by their friend, currently disguised as a suitcase. They agree to sign up for JetBlue's Mosaic rewards program, which will allow them to fly Mint, all the time. They know they are almost free. However, before long, the police officer/chicken stack approaches the same counter and demands to board. He opts not to sign up for the Mosaic program, despite its long list of benefits ("Let Me Tell You Some of the Features of Our Mosaic Program").

Aboard a plane to Australia, the turkeys notice the chickens seated a few rows ahead, right next to their suitcase-brother. The chickens can clearly sense that their prey is close. Suddenly, one of the plane's engines explodes. The captain announces that they will need to make an emergency landing on the nearby Spice Island. Seeking to avoid any situation that might make them more savory, the turkeys decide to jump out of the plane early, using some stolen micro-mallows as a flotation device ("Run, Turkey, Run/Spice Island/Macromallows").

In the ensuing turmoil, the chickens end up in the water as well, struggling to stay afloat. Their plight fills the orphan girl/gnome turkey with compassion, and she convinces the others to save the chickens. The chickens apologize for pursuing the turkeys so relentlessly, and explain that they were only looking for a reprieve from the constant consumption of chicken the rest of the year. The birds realize their shared identity as poultry, and resolve to support one another going forward, hidden away from humanity on Spice Island. Also, one of the chickens turns out to be a duck ("Edible Birds of a Feather [Finale]").

**Show/Hide**
## Musical Cast

### Colton Dunn

* Derek, a Cousin Between the Ages of 19 and 23
* Evan, a Cousin Between the Ages of 6 and 9
* Gerald, an Elderly Family Member
* Host
* Farm Turkey #2/Green Beans
* JetBlue Agent #3

### Jessica McKenna

* Demelda, a Cousin Between the Ages of 19 and 23
* Ella, a Cousin Between the Ages of 6 and 9
* Elderly Family Member #2
* Lonely Orphan/Garden Gnome/Farm Turkey #3
* JetBlue Agent #2

### Zach Reino

* Danny, a Cousin Between the Ages of 19 and 23
* Ethan, a Cousin Between the Ages of 6 and 9
* Elderly Family Member #1
* Farm Turkey #1/Suitcase
* Mr. Police/Three Chickens Stacked on Top of One Another
* JetBlue Agent #1
* JetBlue Captain
* A Duck

## Songs

* "Chillsgiving" (3:52)
* "Take a Mallow, Make It Micro" (7:54)
* "Green Beans" (11:38)
* "Retirement Communities" (15:20)
* "Borrow Some Family" (20:31)
* "Be Thankful (That You're Not Being Murdered)" (24:43)
* "Master of Disguise (Also a Turkey)" (29:15)
* "International Petting Zoo" (33:38)
* "Chicken Dude/Free Birds" (36:38)
* "Let Me Tell You Some of the Features of Our Mosaic Program" (42:30)
* "Run, Turkey, Run/Spice Island/Macromallows" (44:11)
* "Edible Birds of a Feather (Finale)" (49:20)

Closing Song:

* "Tiny Hot Dog" (Thanksgiving Seconds: On the Side) (53:45)