Brennan's Marathons

Children of the Corn franchise

Episode 4: "The Best Flu Ever! (w/ Don Mancini!)"

Episode 6: "Mean and Horny"

**Brennan:** *Children of the Corn* 1 - Literally nothing happens.

**Brennan:** I've been wracking my brains trying to figure out why it's iconic and my answer is Isaac, because I think John Franklin is really good, um, the actor. Because he has this weird haunted quality to that performance that's genuinely great and everything else in the movie is very bland and basic.

*Children of the Corn 2* - Weird amount of *Wizard of Oz* references, much gorier. I loved it.

**Brennan:** Still a crappy movie, but it's a \*crazier\* crappy movie so I was into it.

**Mark:** Wild and crappy?

**Brennan:** Exactly

*Children of the Corn 3* - Three words about it: Screaming Mad George. He did the effects on that one and it's nuts. Honestly? Highly recommend. The plot is nonsense, but there's a part where a hobo's head gets ripped off and put in the dirt and then some kid, like, thirty minutes later comes by and he falls in the dirt and the hobo head starts chewing on his arm. It's crazy.

*Children of the Corn 4* - has nothing to do with anything. Is less a *Children of the Corn* movie and more of a paranormal disease outbreak movie and I kind of loved it.

**Michael:** Is that the one with Eva Mendes?

**Brennan:** No, that's part 5. Naomi Watts is in part 4. And Karen Black.

**Michael:** What's the subtitle on four?

**Brennan:** *The Gathering*

**Michael:** And what's five?

**Brennan:** *Fields of Terror*

**Michael:** The subtitles are my favorite because they're so dumb.

Episode 9: "It Me (w/ Chris Landon!)"

**Michael:** Brennan, where are you on your journey through *Children of the Corn*? Are you done?

**Brennan:** I wish I was. I've finished Five and Six.

**Chris:** Wait. How many are there?

**Brennan:** There are ten

**Michael:** There are a lot. You've been doing this awhile

**Brennan:** I'm finishing up this month. Five--

**Michael:** Five's the one with Eva Mendes, right?

**Brennan:** Yeah, five's the one with Eva Mendes and her hair is a rambling pile in this movie, and it's gorgeous. And she plays opposite Greg Vaughn, who's, who does a lot of TV work right now. I don't remember the show he's on, but he's *also* very hot. I only watch movies with hot people.

**Chris:** Smart

**Brennan:** No, that's a lie, j/k. Alexis Arquette is in it too, who I love. It's a really mediocre, weirdly straightforward for a post-*Scream* slasher movie.

**Michael:** Wow, it's post-*Scream*?

**Mark:** (sarcastically) Really. A *Children of the Corn* sequel was mediocre. Wow.

**Michael:** What was its subtitle?

**Brennan:** That one is *Fields of Terror*, which is *not* a pun.

**Michael:** It should have been called *Field of Screams* or something.

**Brennan:** Well, that was *2001 Maniacs 2*: *FIeld of Screams**,* although I think that came out later

**Chris:** So there's ten

**Brennan:** There's ten! The tenth one came out this year

**Chris:** Wow, that's impressive. It makes me feel like part nine might be like, Isabelle Huppert and Sharon Stone.

**Brennan:** I know Michael Ironside is in Part Seven, and I am ready.

**Chris:** Oooh, all right.

**Michael:** Chris, imagine where you'll be with *Happy Death Day 13.*

**Chris:** Oh Jesus

**Mark:** For all our sakes', no!

**Brennan:** And *Children of the Corn 666: Isaac's Return* is unwatchable. So that's fun. It's basically if an orange filter made a movie.

**Michael:** And these are all still in the Dimension Films era of *Children of the Corn*, right?

**Brennan:** Yeah. Although I will say, *Children of the Corn 666* was directed by a woman, which is one of the only times in any long-running slasher franchise that that has happened other than (*Freddy's Dead*). Kari Skogland is the director and she's gone on to do a lot of really great stuff, and I"m not dissing her. It's just that the movie was ripped to shreds before it even got to her, so.

**Nay:** I *have* to watch it now.

**Michael:** I do, too. I can see the box in my head from the video store…

**Brennan:** Oh! Good tie-in. You know who's in *Children of the Corn 666*?

**Michael:** Me

**Brennan:** Nancy Allen

**Everyone else:** Ohhh!

**Mark:** Aww, bless

**Brennan:** Also beautiful hair

**Michael:** (laughing) "Aww, bless'

**Mark:** He said it was unwatchable!

**Michael:** No! I agree with you.

**Chris:** Everybody's got bills. Seriously.

**Michael:** Everyone's gotta do their Sharon Stone *SVU*-march

**Brennan:** And she does get to stare at a child's grave for awhile, so that's pretty fun.

**Nay:** Wow.

**Chris:** That sounds really fun.

**Brennan:** No, she gets to ***ACT***

**Mark:** That's your Fandango movie clips thing on YouTube

**Michael:** The trailer's just her staring at a child's grave

**Mark:** Just Nancy staring at a hole

**Michael:** Like, 'A child goes in there.'

Episode 16: "A Pity Party is My Favorite Party"

**Brennan:** I know people have been waiting on tenterhooks to hear about the end of my *Children of the Corn* marathon

**Mark:** Oh Jesus Christ

**Michael:** Oh, you made it through

**Brennan:** I did. I survived. Let me pull up my notes really quick

**Mark:** I'm gonna go to the bathroom

**Nay:** I think I already did

**Brennan:** No no no. It's *so* brief, I honestly have so little to say about the last one

**Mark:** Okay okay okay. So what is the last one called?

**Brennan:** The most recent one? *Children of the Corn: Runaway*. That's the one that came out this year

**Michael:** Can you just give us the subtitles, those are my favorite parts

**Mark:** I know, the subtitles are totally the best part

**Brennan:** I'll just run through them really quick. *Part 7…*

**Michael:** Well, you didn't- what's *Part 6*?

**Brennan:** *Part 6* is *666: Isaac's Return*

**Mark:** Of course

**Michael:** Obviously

**Brennan:** *Part 7* is *Children of the Corn: Revelation*. It takes place entirely in an apartment building in Omaha.

**Michael:** These are *all* so Dimension Films keep the rights sequels

**Mark:** How do they get the corn in the apartment building?

**Brennan:** Oh, they grow it in the patio area

**Mark:** Oh! As one does

**Michael:** You're fucking kidding

**Brennan:** I am not at all

**Mark:** So it's like a co-op

**Brennan**: Basically

**Mark:** Okay

**Brennan:** But I mean everyone's getting murdered, and there's a guy--

**Michael:** Like people have to go out on that patio and get killed?

**Brennan:** No, they mostly fall from above into the corn

**Mark:** So the corn patio….

**Brennan:** No, I really- *don't* in any way take it to mean that the movie is good. It's unwatchable. But Michael Ironside is there for about twenty-point-three seconds

**Mark:** Okay

**Brennan:** He shows up and gives some exposition that he has *no* reason to know about and then he just vanishes. And you're like, 'Oh. You're not even gonna help her?'

**Michael:** So dumb

**Mark:** You can see him cashing, just picking up a check

**Brennan:** Oh yeah

**Michael:** You just hear a 'ka-ching'' in the back of a cash register opening

**Brennan:** Oh, and there's a character in the apartment complex, his entire character is that he's in a wheelchair and he shouts cuss words at everyone, and that's just his whole thing and I was kinda like, 'The dream'

**Michael:** Okay, fully dimensional

**Brennan:** *Children of the Corn '09*, the Syfy remake. It's a lot of--

**Michael:** Is that in- that's just a straight-up remake, it's not in the canon of anything?

**Mark:** That was a TV movie, right?

**Brennan:** Yeah, TV movie. And it is a straight-up remake, set in the Seventies, which, I don't get why a remake has to be set in the original time. Not for me

**Michael:** I like when *Texas Chainsaw* did that

**Brennan:** Yeah, but not all of them are as good as the *Texas Chainsaw* remake

**Michael:** Right

**Brennan:** This one is just Vicky and Burt just *screaming* at each other for forty-five minutes

**Michael:** Who are Vicky and Burt? Oh, that's right, the remake

**Mark:** Peter Horton and Linda Hamilton

**Brennan:** Yeah, the adults.

**Mark:** But not, because they're on Syfy

**Brennan:** And Malachai is played by like this strapping twenty-eight year old ginger dude and I don't know if that's the best casting or the worst casting, but I was into it

**Mark:** Go on

**Brennan:** We should actually get him on the show. He's gay, his name is Daniel Newman, he's on *The Walking Dead*, too

**Mark:** (faux snob voice) Suddenly I'm interested in a *Children of the Corn* movie

**Brennan:** My favorite thing about that one is the end credits theme. It has all the Children of the Corn choir thing that you know and love. Like, (imitating children's choir singing)

**Mark:** Yep. Oh yeah

**Brennan:** Actually, you know what? I have it. Hold on.

**Michael:** I'm looking up Daniel Newman right now

**Nay:** Me too

**Michael:** Oh girl

**Brennan:** It's a dubstep remix of the *Children of the Corn* theme

**Mark:** Stop it. Stop.

**Brennan:** *Children of the Corn: Genesis*, completely incomprehensible, but I kinda liked. And *Children of the Corn: Runaway* weirdly reminiscent of *Terminator 2* in the sense that it's about someone surviving a cult and wandering around with their son and just like, trying to survive, like in the midwest

**Mark:** Okay

**Brennan:** But otherwise not really worth your attention

**Michael:** How many are there?

**Brennan:** Ten

**Mark:** Forty

(The dubstep remix starts to play)

**Michael:** Oh *girl*. Sorry, Nay and I are looking up Daniel Newman right now.

**Nay:** Ayyyy. Ayyyy.

**Brennan:** Can't you see Christian Grey and Anastasia Steel just ramming each other to this song?

**Mark:** Yeah, (Daniel) should come on

**Michael:** Get him on

**Nay:** God, this bassline, I'm into it

**Mark:** What if we do the rest of the pod with this underscoring?

**Michael:** Oh my God. I feel like slowly taking my clothes off

**Brennan:** Like a horror burlesque? We could do it. People would come

**Mark:** Ah. Oh. Well, that's gonna be quite a benefit performance innit?

**Brennan:** Anyway, that's the most important thing about the *Children of the Corn* franchise as a whole, is that song

**Mark:** Thank you, Brennan!

**Brennan:** You're welcome

**Mark:** Oh my God. For all your *Children of the Corn* related needs and insights

**Michael:** I'm still looking up Daniel Newman

**Brennan:** Oh yeah, he's uh…

**Mark:** No, we're actually recording something by the way right now, Michael

**Nay:** Yeah, what are we here for today?

The Fly

La Llorona

Krimi movies