RQG 99 - Lads and Blokes

## Content Warnings

Physical violence/combat, explosions, implied mass mind control, surrounded, gore.

## Summary

The party attempts to keep the Heart of Aphrodite safe as the officers of the Apophis office are attacked by lads and blokes. Sasha, Hamid, and Grizzop do nothing whilst Azu valiantly tries to save the day.

## Synopsis

Azu, Hamid, Sasha and Grizzop are in an armoured carriage escorted by several guards, heading over to the temple of Aphrodite to help Sasha become un-undead. Azu is carrying the heart of Aphrodite around her neck, but the carriage has been been surrounded by many 'evil' figures in cloaks; cultists. The party start in initiative order.

The cultists crowd the carriage in a vaguely spooky circle, or an 'evil oval'. The party start fighting them off, with Hamid throwing a *fireball* and Sasha throwing a bomb, but soon the party get overwhelmed. All the guards except one, plus Grizzop, Sasha and Hamid, fail will saving throws and become unresponsive. They are dragged from the carriage into the crowd, leaving Azu and one guard on top of the carriage.

Azu cleaves many of the cultists, debating whether or not to leave the lone guard behind. She jumps off the carriage, landing in the middle of the crowd. She keeps fighting off cultists as she tries to run for the temple. She cannot see her friends. In the middle of the chaos, the party notice that the Temple of Aphrodite has emptied out and a massive pink swarm of clerics and paladins are running towards the carriage to help.

Azu runs towards the paladins and clerics, taking many attacks in the process, and eventually fails a Will save and slumps to the floor, unconscious, overwhelmed by cultists.

## Quotes

"Is it an overly evil oval attacking the officers of the Apophis office?"
―**Ben**

"That dude is my backup character!"
―**Bryn, after the lone hero guard fights off many enemies while telling Azu to run.**

"So rude. I may be from the mountains, but I know my manners."
―**Azu**

"Unnatural 20... Eldritch 20~!"
―**Lydia**

"The party calls for aid! And Aphrodite shall answer!"
―**Bryn**

"I have to say, the bloke swarm I think is our finest creation. We might have to just end on episode 100, because we can't [top this]."
―**Ben**

"I don't even know if I respect his craft anymore."
―**Lydia, about Alex**

**A ridiculous amount of lads and/or blokes puns and movie quotes:**

1. "Blokes! I loved you, blokes."
2. "Do it for blokes!"
3. "Kiss me, lads!"
4. "Et tu, bloké?"
5. "To bloke or not to bloke?"
6. "It's dangerous to be a bloke, take this."
7. "It's dangerous to bloke alone."
8. "I came, I bloked, I ladded."
9. "Come with me if you want to bloke!"
10. "You. Shall not. Bloke!"
11. "And MY bloke!"
12. "Bloke you fools, bloke!"
13. "Live lads and prosper!"
14. "Carry the bloke!"
15. "May the lads be with you."

## Combat Breakdown

**Initiative:** Hamid (20), Sasha (16), Grizzop (13), cultists, carriage guards, Azu (7)

**Round 1**

* Hamid: Waits for the figures to cluster together and casts *mage armor*, giving himself +4 AC.
* Sasha: Stows her backpack full of treasure inside the carriage.
* Grizzop: Uses detect evil and Alex confirms there is 'loads'. Grizzop activates his divine bond, granting his bow the flaming property.
* Cultists: Swarm toward the carriage, surrounding it.
* Carriage guards: Pull a lever at the side of the carriage, rotating platforms out to the side of the carriage, bracing their halberds on all four corners of the carriage.
* Azu: Moves to the edge of the carriage, on the back-left platform next to one of the guards. She uses Cleave to attack the enemies. Attack: 20 (8 damage), Attack: 23 (14 damage), A: 15 (17 damage, enemy goes down), A: 26 (18 damage, enemy goes down), A: 13 (Misses).

**Round 2**

* Hamid: Casts *fireball* - (Bryn comments that he feels tricked into attacking mind-controlled civilians, Helen comments that they all detected as evil, so this can't be true). He targets the explosion in front of the carriage, but behind the evil figures, so that the carriage is not caught up in the blast. He deals 29 fire damage. The figures succeed on their Reflex save, and take 15 damage.
* Sasha: Throws a bomb at the same people Hamid damaged. She hits with a 26 attack roll, deals 11 damage to one person, and 3 splash damage to those around them in a 5ft range.
* Alex calls for everyone to roll a Will save, Azu rolls a 26, Grizzop rolls a 14, Hamid rolls a 17, Sasha rolls a 15. Grizzop, Hamid, and Sasha all fail and stop doing anything, arms slack. All the other guards, except for the one next to Azu, also stop.
* Grizzop: Does nothing. (No Will save).
* Cultists: Swarm the vehicle, opening the doors of the carriage. The carriage comes to a halt.
* Azu: Cleaves the enemies around her. Attack: 26 (16 damage), A: 16 (9 damage), A: 13 (misses).

**Round 3**

* Hamid: Does nothing. (No Will save).
* Sasha: Does nothing. (No Will save).
* Alex asks Hamid for a Will save (24). Hamid does nothing. The party speculate there might be multiple effects.
* Grizzop: Does nothing.
* Cultists: Grab every single person on the carriage except Azu and the guard, and drag them from the carriage. They disappear in the crowd.
* Azu: Debates whether or not to leave the guard behind. She jumps from the carriage and rolls a 15 (-6 armour penalty) Acrobatics check. She makes it halfway across the crowd and slams down among the cultists.

**Round 4**

* Hamid: Does nothing.
* Sasha: Does nothing.
* Grizzop: Makes a Will save (18).
* Alex does not share what is happening to the other party members, because they are lost in the mass of cultists.
* Cultists: 8 cultists attack Azu, she takes 10 damage. They pummel her with their hands, but do not have weapons.
* Carriage guard: Yells "Just go! Go!", and attacks the cultist behind Azu, downing him.
* Azu: Tries to cleave her way out. Attack: 21 (15 damage), A: 24 (9 damage), A: 26 (7 damage), A: 15 (18 damage), A: 21 (7 damage), A: 13 (misses). Three of the cultists drop, one of them clearly dead. Azu makes a Will save (17).

**Round 5**
*Alex is skipping the other people in the initiative order and keeps focus on Azu.*

* Cultists: Several cultists attack Azu for 16 damage.
* Azu: Uses Cleave again. Attack: 22 (16 damage), A: 15 (9 damage), A: 13 (misses). She kills two cultists. Azu runs towards the temple, triggering an attack of opportunity from the remaining cultist, who misses. Azu makes a Will save (26).
* Alex asks everyone for a Perception check. Grizzop: 17, Hamid: Natural 20 (31), Sasha: Unnatural 20. Azu: Unnatural 20. Everyone except for Grizzop can see a massive pink swarm of paladins and clerics charging towards the carriage from the temple of Aphrodite.

**Round 6**

* Cultists: Attack Azu for 3 damage. Every single member of the cult seem to be aimed at Azu.
* Azu: Keeps running. She triggers several attacks of opportunity, and takes 4 damage. She has 9 hit points left. Azu makes another Will save (14). She stumbles, feeling weird and tired, and then slumps to her knees, and then ends facedown.