Cheng Lixue: Recollection

Put flour in the basin, crack an egg, slowly add water, and knead the mixture...

The girl was meticulously performing this procedure. Kneading dough is skilled work — some might say it requires the spirit of craftsmanship.

In her hands, the flour dispersed and then converged...

Gradually, the ingredients seemed to have come alive —they kept gathering and adjusting, eventually forming a smooth and elastic mass.

Then she rolled the dough, cut it up, and stretched the shreds.

She spared some dough to make wontons, and boiled them in soup stewed with halibut and river shrimps.

--

...Which was how she made two bowls of delicious wonton noodles.

The girl always felt that... if Mount Taixuan wasn't so remote, anyone who lived nearby would have been attracted by the appetizing aroma of her cooking.

She picked up a little pile of food with wooden chopsticks, blew it to cool, and took a bite of the noodles and a wonton.

"Mmm, yum!" she exclaimed with satisfaction.

Cheng Lixue was the girl's name. It was her birthday.

Every year on her birthday, she would make herself wonton noodles as a celebration.

But she felt something was missing.

Lixue tried to recall her cooking — all required condiments had been added. And the strength she put in kneading was just right...

But something was missing. Her memory whispered in her brain.

She quietly finished her own meal, then put the bowl and chopsticks in the sink, and went out. Out for a walk.

The air on Mount Taixuan was refreshing. The girl took a deep breath, and began to practice Blade Mantra.

When the mind melts into full repose, it reaches Absolutely Calm.

The Taixuan Blade Mantra has four states — Absolutely Calm, Flawlessly Clean, Clear Mirror, and Grand Void.

Lixue was already able to reach Absolutely Calm with ease. And now she was focusing on breaking through to reach Flawlessly Clean.

Flawlessly Clean is when the mind freezes again.

After reaching Absolutely Calm, one's senses would become keener.

She could feel the growth of the grass and the chirps of the mountain birds. She could even hear the clouds' soft breathing.

But something was missing.

Ripples emerged abruptly and cut the mirror-like surface of Lixue's mind. She tried to soothe it.

She told herself that the sky remained clear, and Mount Taixuan was verdant as always.

But just like her delectable wonton noodles, something was missing.

"Alas."

Lixue heaved a deep sigh.

Cheng Men Li Xue.

This was the title of a story in an ancient book, and where she got her name.

"Yang Shi and You Zuo went to visit Cheng Yi, the great philosopher, who was taking a rest when they arrived. They deferentially waited outside the door, while snow started to fall. When Cheng Yi awoke, the ground was covered in one-foot of snow."

Ever since she knew the implication of her name, she began to hate it and the destiny this name tried to foretell: endless wait.

She felt she had always been waiting like the two students in the story: while icy snowflakes fell down and accumulated... burying her heart deeper and deeper.

Her mind wandered away again.

--

When she finally came to her senses, it was almost nightfall.

Birds had returned to their nests. Another day in Mount Taixuan was fading away. As always.

She was no closer to Flawlessly Clean than yesterday. As always.

Lixue returned.

The other bowl of wonton noodles was still on the table. Untouched.

She didn't know what she had been expecting, or why she was still expecting it.

Every year, on her birthday, the other bowl would remind her of something that she was never willing to admit —

The one who had left would never come back.

**Irrelevant Files**:
**Chapter 1 -** Mission Report Kv10297 • St. Fountain Tour Guide • Golden Fountain • Fountain of Blood • From Sint Fontein to St. Fountain • Unsent Letter • A Flyer • A Resident's Diary • A Scrap of Paper • Duino Elegies