Episode 14: World Wife

https://globehell.libsyn.com/

## Episode Summary

Josiah comes up with a plan to end Drew's misery name of idea is World Wife.

## Idea Details

* Idea: World Wife
* Creator of idea: Josiah
* Purpose of idea: World Wife. It's a woman. And she's made up of the Earth and her skin is the globe but she's a woman and she's your wife. World Wife. But you will be married to the World Wife as the only eligible bachelor of our grand enterprise, you will be betrothed to the World Wife. You're the groom and the World Wife will exist and so this is one that - and yes I did have a different idea but I've decided to go with World Wife because it's here and I don't know what it means but it's World Wife and it's your wife and she's a woman - a beautiful woman - but her skin color is globe, do you know what I mean? It swirls and you can see the weather patterns. I think she is the world. She's World Wife.
* Timetable: The timetable for World Wife is confusing. At the start of the episode, she is referred to in future tense, as something that will be created as part of a *Weird Science* situation. Later in the episode, she clearly already exists and Drew is already in love with her and has seemingly already proposed to her. So World Wife already exists.
* Idea details:
	+ World Wife will be created as part of a *Weird Science* situation.
	+ World Wife will be 5'5" tall to match Drew's size.
	+ World Wife is a beautiful caring woman who accepts Drew for all of his flaws.
	+ Josiah's soul will be cloned and put into World Wife as part of bringing her to life.
	+ World Wife's skin is the globe. It will show weather patterns. The top and bottom will be the North and South Poles.
	+ World Wife will be Drew's wife and he will love her with all of his heart.
	+ World Wife is not passive. She has her own beliefs and she's steadfast in them.
	+ When World Wife has body odor, she will not have flies buzzing around her, she will have cell phone satellites flying around her because she is a woman globe.
	+ World Wife is the planet, but she is also on the Earth to be Drew's wife. We will still need to live on the planet, but the essence of the planet will be distilled into World Wife. She will be an avatar or container filled with the planet. She will be full to the brim with piping hot magma. It will be dangerous for Drew to enter World Wife because he could get burned.
	+ Clouds will be the blemishes on World Wife's globe skin.
	+ Small versions of everyone on the planet will live on the surface of World Wife's globe skin. The one flaw in the World Wife system is that, just like full-size Drew, small Drew cannot stop playing devil and will stop at nothing to escape from his life living on the skin of the World Wife to kill full-size Drew. This means one of the tiny specks of dust that are miniature people on Drew's wife's globe skin will be intent on killing him at all times because he knows about the situation and he's pissed at Drew about it. Considering the proportional size of small Drew, he may not be able to successfully kill Drew, but it will always be a concern every time Drew has an ailment.
	+ World Wife uses stars as makeup.
	+ Josiah believes World Wife hates him and thinks he's annoying. He thinks this because she is hot-and-cold with him and her moods change with the weather. Josiah also confirmed that he and World Wife hooked up at one point after she had too many Jello shots. It is for these reasons that he was hesitant to be Drew's best man at his wedding to World Wife.
	+ Drew has not yet proposed to World Wife. She does not even have a name and was created with the sole purpose of being Drew's wife, yet Drew cannot commit to marrying her.
	+ World Wife has other options than Drew, but she will be put down if Drew does not propose to her.
	+ Drew's proposal to World Wife will proceed as follows:
		- He will take her to the Outback Steakhouse in Calgary, AB. World Wife loves Calgary.
			* Note: While Drew mentioned that there are several Outback Steakhouses in Calgary, there appears to have been only one, located at 151 Crowfoot Crescent NW, Calgary, Alberta, T3G 2L5, Canada. However, it has since closed. It is unclear where Drew will propose to World Wife now, but he could perhaps take Josiah's suggestion that they go to Montana's instead.
		- He will hand her a moist towelette because she's a messy eater. Looking down at the moist towelette, Drew will notice a little bit of barbecue sauce and some blue from the Earth on there. Looking at the news, Drew will notice that there was an enormous tsunami as a result.
		- Leaving the restaurant, before getting in a limo outside, Drew will get on his knee to propose. He will then say "This limo's not for us." This is a strategy to excite World Wife at the romantic gesture of Drew ordering her a limo, but then surprise her with the reveal that actually the real romantic gesture is the proposal itself, not the limo that is actually for some other person.
		- World Wife will then accept Drew's proposal and they will smooch each other. Drew will need to be careful when kissing her to avoid wiping out an entire country.
		- After World Wife realizes that the decoy limo is not their ride, she will ask Drew how they are planning to get home. Drew will say "When I'm with you, World Wife, I'm already home." She will need to be in on the proposal plan to set up this interchange.
		- It was then revealed that she has already, in fact, been in on the proposal this whole time because Josiah's soul was cloned to live inside of the World Wife global woman. Also, World Wife is the Earth itself, so she already knows about the proposal. The rain that was taking place at the time of the episode recording was due to World Wife crying at hearing about the proposal plans.
	+ The globe pattern on World Wife's skin is constantly rotating, just like on the Earth itself.
	+ After Drew's proposal, World Wife is worried that Drew will never go through with the wedding itself. She is not World Fiancée, she is World Wife. World Wife will leave Drew if he is passive.
	+ World Wife loves diarrhea and is upset that Drew has never had diarrhea.
	+ World Wide Wedding will be held on December 25th, 2020. It will be open-air and socially distanced. Josiah and Drew will meet all of their fans there. Sam Sutherland from Josiah's side podcast, Blink-155, will officiate Drew's wedding to World Wife as a priest in the church of the spaghetti monster. World Wife will not allow Nate Ruess to attend World Wide Wedding, but Josiah would not disclose the reasoning behind that decision due to libel laws.
	+ After World Wide Wedding, Drew will finally be able to focus better on saving the world because he will be married to it.

## Devil Play

* No one played devil in this episode, although Drew was initially very hostile to the idea of World Wife.

## Notable Events

* Drew stated that he is circumcised.
	+ Note: Drew refused to prove this to Josiah so it cannot be confirmed.
* The breathing exercise segment at the start of each episode was given a name in this episode: Seg-Mind
	+ Some early brainstorming ideas for this name include:
		- World Wide Relax Baby
		- What's Mind Is Yours
		- Drew suggested it should just be a natural untitled segment, or simply referred to as breathing exercise
	+ Drew mockingly suggested the breathing exercise should have a theme song. He would later come around to the idea and embrace it, creating the melody for the theme song on the spot.
* Drew revealed that he is an untrained amateur in improv comedy.
* This episode's Seg-Mind involved Drew closing his eyes, then telling Josiah his biggest fear (spiders), then describing how he plans to overcome that fear (he doesn't), then slowly exhaling everything out, then saying "I'm a baby", then breathing in really deep, then saying "I'm a man" in a deep voice. Josiah joined in on the breathing exercise portion of Seg-Mind but did not state his biggest fear or describe how he plans to overcome it. This was repeated multiple times.
* Drew revealed he has several different monitors (like a computer hacker) so he can watch the Globe Hell Warning streaming and download data every day.
* Drew revealed that he is 5'5" tall.
* Drew revealed that he is a male spinster.
* World Wide Wedding

## Notable Quotes

### Josiah

* "When I watch the news I say, 'Warning. Error. Error. Warning.'"
* "It doesn't hurt my feelings when you're devil to me, but it hurts my feelings when I'm devil to you."
* "Hell-come to Globe Hell."
* "We've talked about so many things on this show. And obviously they've all been equally important. Some ideas have been better than others. Every second week - second ep. The even numbered episodes are usually considered the best, because the other ones are a little odd, not just numerically."
* "You're more of a hack than a hacker, really."
* "People always say that you should be true to yourself and you took that advice mistakenly and you've been Drew to yourself your whole life, and that's why you are alone."
* "[On the topic of Drew's horoscope] Except for you it's a horrorscope. The scope of horrors that is your life."
* "You're one of the rare people whose astrological sign is a meteor."
* "World Wife. Globe skin. Drew's wife. Drew's bride. World Wife. Globe skin."
* "[On the topic of how Josiah will find a World Wife with globe skin for Drew to marry] It's gonna probably be easier than finding a human wife for you."
* "If there's one thing I know about you, Drew, it's that you love the Earth and you love the globe and you love the world. And if there's another thing I know about you it's that human women despise you."

### Drew

* "When I watch the news I say, '2020? Uh, next please?'"
* "I'm a man-baby."
* "[On the topic of his life being a scope of horrors] Well I wouldn't call it a horror. Maybe a disappointment."
* "Are we gonna listen to the music, Josiah? Just shut the fuck up."
* "Could we put your soul into the World Wife? Like if the World Wife is some sort of being that's created, can we create a World Wife and put your soul into it?"

## Trivia

* This is the first main episode to exclude the word "Wide" from the episode title.
* World Wife was not Josiah's original idea for this episode, though he and Drew did not reveal what that original idea was.
* It was revealed in Episode 15: World Wide Beer with special guest Tom that World Wife took her own life upon her creation and discovering her fate. Presumably World Wide Wedding was cancelled as a result.