S05E01: Unwanted Criminals

*Alternate title: Grand Master P’s Mom Has Got It Going On*

*The gang gets propositioned by the Queen. Carlos is down to clown. Nissa gets dressed up. Um and Averlyth sense a trap.*

The gang is summoned to the royal court to receive pardons clearing their names for the Burning of Mulmaster. Afterwards, the queen reveals herself to be an elder dragon, and the secret power behind the throne. She invites the gang to join the Drakeguard, a secret organization dedicated to improving the world.

## Storyline

Um was on the way to neverwinter, Nissa has been in all the libraries, Carlos was learning to juggle and backpacking in Europe (which is a neighborhood in Neverwinter), Averlyth made her way to the church to let them know about everything that happened.

Um and Nissa meet up, the Church of Bane isn’t super interested in hearing about a lowly cleric talking directly to their god, and Carlos is juggling 4 items now.

> **DM**: “Where does Carlos live? Averlyth’s in the church and Nissa’s at the library..”
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> **Carlos**: “Are you asking where I live or where you could find me?”
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Apparently Carlos likes to sit at the dock of the bay, could be found on a boat with a bunch of dogs that he doesn’t own, possibly naked.

Everyone gets a message from a messenger that just says “dear friends, please come meet me in Thundertree, signed Q”. (Apparently the one Nissa met was of average hotness but dressied up)

Apparently the gang gets together on Wednesday’s for trivia (“Mulmaster County Volunteer Trivia Department”? “Fire Department”?) so we do that and then go to Thundertree. There’s a new bar, “Under Construction” (that’s the name, it’s newly completed), we walk past it to the quartermaster’s blacksmithery.

Phteven runs out with his arm on fire and plunges it into a horse trough, then awkwardly stammers upon seeing Averlyth and runs back in. The group understands nothing is going to happen and walks in.

Q says we’ve been pardoned, and have been invited to a public pardoning ceremony.

> **Carlos**: “Is this a trap?”
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> **Q**: “No”
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> **Carlos**: “Are you *sure* it’s not a trap?”
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> **Q**: “It’s not a trap.”
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> **Carlos**: “…Sounds legit.”
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Q describes the ceremony, how we have to dress up, event is in a week.

> **Q**: “You’ll no longer be wanted criminals!”
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> **Um**: “We’ll be unwanted criminals”
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Averlyth asks for charges for the flamethrower, Carlos hands his “magic crossbow” over to Q to investigate if he can replenish charges for the laser rifle.

The girls (and Carlos) go dress shopping in Neverwinter, the group doesn’t win in trivia this week.

*— Steve discovers that the dndbeyond website is a lot easier to use when logged in —*

Um has daggers, everyone else is magic users and doesn’t need to sneak weapons in. Day of the ceremony arrives and we are awakened by fancy ass people who put makeup on us and everything.

We are announced by our full names and escorted into the most extravagant room possible. A lot of important looking people are present, trying to get close to the king. Duke Earl Flufenpuff is there, the queen, the head of city watch, etc etc. The king begins his speech, we’re all celebrated for our innocence.

Carlos almost flips off the king but gets eyes from the queen. Um and Averlyth get the same treatment and are thrown off. Nissa isn’t paying attention and might be flirting with one of the hot guys with canapé trays. Ceremony goes off without a hitch beyond that, talk about making the opposite of a wanted poster. Nissa gives her number (it’s 6) to the guy, Carlos rolls by and goes “nice”.

> **Carlos**: “I’m just gonna hang out. I’m not gonna bang the queen, but I’m not gonna not bang the queen”
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Um and Averlyth leave the party as soon as they can, Nissa and Carlos work the room. The queen disappeared so there’s no action happening there but there’s lot of booze and people to flirt with.

Everyone goes back to their rooms and strips into their gear. Overnight, everyone is summoned to the queens bedchambers, though to the waiting room first.

Carlos comes in his pajamas, Averlyth brings full armor after saying no but then gets suckered into going, Nissa is dressed appropriately, and Um said no but then sneaks in anyways.

After some time, the Queen appears in the simplest, most expensive nightgown possible and invites the group into her bedchambers. The Queen says she plans on changing into something more appropriate and then slips off her skin. Suddenly, there is a full size golden dragon and we are actually in an enormous cavern like space. The place is almost certainly a command center.

Apparently Grandmaster P is the queens son. The Queen dragon has been running things for centuries because of how bad it was for human kind before. The Queen reveals her intent, how humanity basically blew shit up all the time, how it sucks for an immortal (Nissa is sneaking towards the walls to see the conspiracies written there), and how there are other elder dragons. She wants order, they might not. The games they play are effectively long-term, large-scale risk games where the politics are too complex and/or grand for us to comprehend.

Queen says she had a proposal for us, has been watching us since we made contact with her son. Thinks we are suitable for being operatives, named Drake Guards. We would be doing jobs, aiming to leave things in a better state. (Nissa eyes Averlyth suspiciously, Averlyth has a mental debate about whether or not chaos is necessary for fear).

Carlos questions the required commitment for the job as well as the expected benefits. We’d get all collected loot, as well as a stone that may teleport us to jobs, later become ways to make us more formidable. We receive an informational pamphlet.

We all agree and decide on our magical item. Um got a ring, Nissa got a belt buckle, Carlos got a lighter and Averlyth got a dangling ear cuff.

### The group discusses where the field office is

> **Mart**: “what would the name of a field in Europe be?”
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> **DM**: “I think you’re more suitable to answer that then us”
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> **Mart**: “we just call them fields”
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We leave the royal neighborhood back to the city we’re welcome in and go to the field to find the field office. We’re all given our magical items and sign our NDAs. Q was promoted to drake guard! Quartermaster of Neverwinter Drake Guard.

> **Nissa**: “Phteven got a promotion???”
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> **Carlos**: “it’s more of a lateral move”
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Field office will basically be our base of operations