Carson Owen Kimball

### Relatives

All of Carsons family are deceased. They died In a Mormon communal mass incestuous orgy. His father's semen was tainted with kool aid and anti freeze.

### Affiliation

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints AKA The Mormon Cult

## Biographical information

### Marital status

Single. Scarlett is his imaginary wife that no one has ever seen. It's alleged his penis pumps name is Scarlett. Others say it's his blow up doll he had made with a printed face of his long time lover Brett O Call

### Date of death

Nearly died of kidney failure in 2022 (true).

## Physical description

### Eye color

Carson is 100% blind in both eyes. He was exposed to straight P. Carson's preferred P is gay P

**Carson Owen Kimball** ('COK') is a Moron based in Lehi, Utah. He is ignorant, arrogant, narcissistic, bigoted and in many other ways an appalling excuse for a human being. COK is a Grunter, a Poet, and a Musician. In 2022, he was appointed a High Priest of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Sodomists.

**MASSIVE UPDATE:** Confirming rumors that have been swirling around Salt Lake City for years, Carson Owen Kimball has announced that he is gay. You can see the video announcement here and see also the shocking revelations in this video.

COK founded the weekly live call-in show "Moron Talk," which he co-hosted with fellow Mormon racist Bretty 'Black Face' Call. The premise of the show was that the co-hosts helped families with their problems. For example, a caller was concerned to find a ouija board in his shed. COK's solution: the caller should contact a Moron missionary with priesthood powers (i.e. a penis). Problem solved.

COK and his wife Scarlett had threesomes with black men as COK proudly announced on-air. Later, COK was excommunicated from the Moron Church, and Scarlett divorced him, after he was caught having sex with Bretty Black Face Call during a live stream, after which Bretty Black Face lamented the fact that he had to go home to his wife and COK invited him to "stay the night". That followed an incident when COK confessed to having 'chilli' with 'sour cream' in Fred A. Phillip's 'dutch oven'. COK has a son - or at least he thinks he has a son - who looks suspiciously like Fred A. Phillips.

In one memorable episode of Moron Talk, COK and Bretty Black Face forgot to mute after the show and their private conversation revealed that Brett "hates" his wife, COK wants to get away from his wife and go away with Brett on a camping trip under the stars. Brett says he would need a baby-sitter because he can't trust his wife with the kids and "women are stupid and neurotic." COK said: "I love you, Brett," and Brett responded: "I love you."

A highlight of Moron Talk was their interview with the Easter Bunny. Another highlight was their Christmas interview with devout Moron Walt Chidester (actually an ex-Moron who resents having half his life stolen by the Moron cult). Another highlight was the interview with someone pretending to be senior Moron racist Brad Wilcox.

Here's an example of COK's idiocy and bigotry (two reasons he has already been called as a seminary teacher with the bishopric soon to follow): Caller quoting Brigham Young: "The negroe is damned ..." COK hangs up and says: "I think some people are just a little bit obsessed. OK, well wonderful, let me take a look at the chat. Two Drunk Mormons says: 'Don't try to talk about racism, he just hangs up on you'. Well, that couldn't be further from the truth."

COK's misogyny is almost beyond belief but unsurprising coming from a member of a cult founded by Joseph Smith, a sexual predator who forced more than 10 teenagers - some as young as 14 - to marry him. Carson is a distant relative of Heber C. Kimball, a Moron founder and sexual predator who married 43 women and said "I think no more of taking a wife than I do of buying a cow,." (The women-as-cows theme was further developed in the excruciating Moron-produced film Jonny Lingo. And during an episode of Moron Talk, COK refused to deny accusations that he had stuck his d\*ck in a cow's arse.) Sexual predator Joseph Smith married the 14-year old daughter of sexual predator Heber C. Kimball.

The Year of Polygamy podcast details Smith's sexual predation including his abuse of children. You should listen to it, Carson.

COK is most known for his authorship of his spiritual magnum opus, Window To His Love, written and published in 2019. Amongst other nonsense, the book warns about the evils of soy milk. Seriously. Here's a delightful clip from Moron Talk with a caller talking about how soy ruined his life. Soy inevitably led to drugs, to witchcraft, to the removal of brain cells to build a calculator, etc. COK suggested that the caller write a book about his soy-based experiences and his rescue by Moron Missionaries. Seriously.

COK and Bretty Black Face got in trouble on their mission for repeatedly 'wrestling' on their P-days. That was one of the many revelations to emerge during a Moron Talk program break when they forgot to mute their microphones. Indeed one can listen to COK and Bretty Black Face wrestling on Moron Talk when they forgot to mute. Bretty Black Face uttered the words "bristle me down" as COK lay on top of him, panting breathlessly. Before they got down and dirty, you can hear them and a caller ('Mike the Mormon Mauler') discuss their 'homoerotic' wrestling including such moves as the 'Big Wriggle', the 'Wet Wilson', the 'Reach Around', the 'Jackhammer', the 'Horseback Ride' and the 'Power Bottom'. On another episode, COK opined that: "Just because you're hugging a brother or friend and your crotch touches them, that does not mean that it was intended to be a ..."

COK offered to puts his balls in a caller's 'mitt', The caller responded: "I haven't had that offer since college."

During episodes of the show Sing Star, in which audience members competed with one another by pretending to sing, COK would frequently have a table graphic on display that would hide COK's body from the waist down to the view of the audience members. Having this graphic displayed allowed either Fred A. Phillips or Brock N. Richards (whichever was not present for that specific episode) to give the other two hosts felatio as the show went on for that evening. One sign giving away that this was going on "under the table" was the many times COK would utter the phrase "well, wonderful" during the show. This was COK's incognito way to express his feelings of pleasure and bliss as he had his erected apparatus sucked on by one of his co-hosts.

As COK became more confident expressing his fluid sexuality, and while Moron Talk was off the air during late April & early May of 2020 (later dubbed the 3 Days & 3 Nights), he started up a new live call-in show aimed at LGBTQ+ children and tweens called "Carson's Queer Corner" (CQC), of which he was the sole founder and host. The show was an epic failure - an apt metaphor for the rest of COK's life. Tip of the hat to Randy who was the first ever caller to CQC - and the 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th caller - and ruined all three episodes before COK gave up. You can find the three episodes of Carson's Queer Corner here, here and here. After the failure of Carson's Queer Corner, COK started up a new show called "Carson's a Cunt." Then COK went right off the deep end with a version of the program where Bretty Black Face wore Black Face, Fred A. Phillips smoked crack, and the whole program was done in mime with no audio.

COK has severe anger management problems as this clip demonstrates.

COK confessed on Moron Talk that when he is God of his own planet, as per Moron doctrine, he wants it to be Pokemon-themed. Seriously.

COK knows literally nothing about the Kinderhook Plates - the prank played on Joseph Smith by a neighbor which proved that he was a fraud and a liar. Ironically, a relative of Carson's, BYU professor Stanley B. Kimball, played a decisive role in proving that Joseph Smith was a fraud and a liar. Stanley Kimball concluded: *“A recent electronic and chemical analysis of a metal plate (one of six original plates) brought in 1843 to the Prophet Joseph Smith in Nauvoo, Illinois, appears to solve a previously unanswered question in Church history, helping to further evidence that the plate is what its producers later said it was—a nineteenth-century attempt to lure Joseph Smith into making a translation of ancient-looking characters that had been etched into the plates."*

A recurring theme of Moron Talk was the hosts' failure to appreciate the double entendres (French: *entrendres deuxieme*) of callers discussing fapping, releasing their loads, holding to the rod etc. Here's a hilarious, long conversation about 'holding on to the rod' with COK insisting that the caller hold tight to the rod lest Satan "reaches around" and loosens his grip. COK insists on surrounding yourself with others who are holding on to the rod and holding on to the person behind them. Yikes. COK insists that it will leave you "empty in the end" if you let go of the rod. Yikes. Then they have a discussion about their mothers holding on to the rod. Yikes. Then COK says: "I don't think you're being too vigorous. I just genuinely think that ... you cling to the rod, you hold on with all your might, you strive to get to the white fruit at the tree of life that is delicious beyond all comparison." Yikes. COK continues: "Joseph [Smith] got on his knees and prayed then a spirit of darkness got rough-and-tumble with him right to the ground, he had to wrestle with this spirit ... Joseph was a good wrestler by the way, he was a stick-pull champion ... and he kept going and he pushed through ... Keep going even if you feel numb." YIIIIIIKES!!!!

In another episode, COK and Bretty Black Face were moved by a true believer discussing his fapping and releasing his load.

Video evidence proves that COK piloted a plane into the World Trade Center on 9/11. Happily, COK came back to life and gave the most inspirational monologue ever heard on Moron Talk.

On his mission, COK used to put down newspaper in the closet to pray whilst Brett 'black face' Call prayed in bed. Seriously. Then COK would come out of the closet.

COK qualified for Mensa at the age of seven. This clip is a true and everlasting testament to his genius. You're welcome.

### **The Burrito Conundrum**

Could God microwave a burrito so hot that even He couldn't eat it?

Either He can eat the burrito, in which case He can't microwave a burrito so hot that He can't eat it, or He can't eat it because it is so hot.

Either way, His omnipotence is disproven and His divinity is therefore disproven.

When asked if God can microwave a burrito so hot that He can't eat it, COK said: "Of course he can. God can do anything." Moron.

### **Upbringing**

Not much is known about COK's upbringing; all that we know comes from what he detailed in his book and in passing comments on the Moron Talk show. He was born to a Latter-Day Saints family in Lehi, Utah on October 21, 1995 per his Patriarchal Blessing. He was starved of oxygen at birth, hence his appearance and IQ (in the lowest one percentile).

COK is the oldest brother with an unknown number of younger brothers, each of which liked to engage in "Rough and Tumble" activities in their youth, as described in the book. COK talks favorably of his youth, mentioning that he "dutifully strove to develop the thickest skin possible," arguing that "who, if not the oldest brother, would be expected to survey the scene and release their manhood in the face of adversity?" COK likes to release his manhood in the face of his brothers, Bretty Black Face, and even his farm animals.

### **Connections to mass murderer and fellow Moron Ted Bundy**

On July 12, 2020, COK tweeted that his birthday was going to be the following day (July 13), precisely four months and 11 days before the birth-date of fellow Moron, mass murderer Ted Bundy. Coincidence?

A deep mystery presents itself, much as Angels presented themselves to Joseph Smith when he wasn't raping children. COK's patriarchal blessing says his birth-date is October 21, one month and three days before Ted Bundy's birthday.

So was COK born on July 31 or October 21? Have COK and Ted Bundy ever been seen in the same room? Are they one and the same person? Is COK the demon love spawn of Ted Bundy.

### **Patriarchal Blessing & Temple Name ('Penis')**

On May 18, 2020, New Name Noah hacked into the LDS church's databases and found COK's patriarchal blessing. Upon calling in and mocking the blessing, New Name Noah published it to Internet. While we at the Moron Talk wiki don't support New Name Noah's actions, COK's patriarchal blessing provides deep, penetrative insight into COK and have thus taken the liberty to publish his blessing here.

COK's temple name translates as 'Penis', from the Greek *'Penisimus'*.

The blessing mentions a 'white stone', a throw-back to church founder Joseph Smith who used a stone-in-a-hat for illegal 'treasure digging' activities and later used it to 'translate' the Book of Moron. Smith was a fraud and COK is an ignorant, gullible dupe.

### Call Carson & Anger Issues

If there is one thing COK is right about, it is that gaming brings out the anger in us. With COK using his massive ego to rebrand Mormon Talk into Call Carson, a show in which he is solidified as the only host (with occasional appearances from Fred A. Phillips), COK has been subject to not only filthy donations and calls, but has also been showing signs of "gamer rage". One new habit that COK has been showing off is growling. Whether this is just a new way of COK to express his anger, or to secretly tell his fans that he is into the furry fandom, this alarming display of anger has been shown on mutiple episodes of Call Carson. Here's an example of Carson's growling.

COK has also been known to call games "stupid", a common trait in gamers when they fail at a game. COK is also completely oblivious to what certain games are, not knowing that Super Mario games do not actually contain filthy content. COK is also pirating these games illegally, as shown in multiple episodes where there is a computer mouse on the screen as he uses an emulator, as well as even admitting to wanting files that he can just double click and load onto an emulator. COK has also established a bitter hatred towards the Star Fox games, due to those games being a breeding ground for the furry fandom.

COK is going into a downward spiral when it comes to gaming. With the strange habit of growling at callers, getting upset at video games when he messes up, and even lashing out at Wilson for not having psychic abilities to hang up on callers before they splash the show. COK has broken the rules that he himself established against gaming. In one instance, he played Super Smash Bros., which contains a Ray Gun, but he declared that no one should play games with shooting of ANY KIND. Another note to add about COK's obliviousness towards games is when he played a rom hack of Super Mario 64, noticed that there were some slight differences to the game, but thought nothing of it and believed it was the same game. COK denies accepting any hints or advice towards the games he plays, since this is a show for him to spew out advice, and having it go the other way around would just be zany.

COK has also been shown to put too much focus on the game itself instead of helping callers with their gaming problems. COK's main solution to ending gaming addiction is to destroy or burn any video game that could be deemed filth. His habit of plugging his ears during a bonky donation is at an all time high, causing him to either pause the game to avoid being splashed, or causing something bad to happen to him in the game. COK has a belief that all copies of "Gram Theft Auto" should be buried in the desert somewhere worse than New Mexico (like copies of the infamous Atari 2600 game "E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial"). COK suggested they be buried in Nevada, showing prejudice towards that state. Overall, COK's gaming experience consists of him trying to give advice to the callers, blaming the game itself for when he fails, and inflating his ego when someone disagrees with what he believes.

COK has recently gotten into an automobile accident while riding his electric scooter, causing his pelvis to be shattered (this is what he says, but it could be caused due to him being a "power bottom" and getting into too many rough and tumble acts). The last thing we have heard from COK is from Twitter, it was actually from his wife, Scarlett, claiming that he will be taking a break from social media and the internet due to it stressing him out. COK is currently recovering from his injury, most likely indulging in ample amounts of gaming.