The Hen Night

**The Hen Night** is the two-hundred sixty-second webisode in the KateModern video series. It is also the one-hundred seventh video of season two.

## Transcript

(*Charlie is lying on her bed*.)

**Charlie:** So it's been a bit of a weird week. I really regret putting that animation of Jules online. It was really out of order. I can't pretend that I think getting married into the Hymn of One after only knowing Rupert for a couple of weeks is a good idea...

**Lee:** I wanna go!

**Lauren:** No, Lee! I'm serious, you can't.

**Charlie:** But it's what Jules wants, and that's what matters.

(*Lauren enters Charlie's room, with Lee close behind her*.)

**Lauren:** No, Lee. I said no!

**Lee:** But it's not fair!

**Lauren:** Charlie, Lee keeps moaning about wanting to come out tonight.

**Charlie:** You can't come, Lee, it's girls only. (*Grabs the camera*.)

**Lauren:** That's what I said. Unless he... you know.

**Charlie:** What? It's hen night rules: no guys allowed.

**Lauren:** Yeah, but there's one exception, isn't there?

**Charlie:** What? I don't know what you're talking about.

**Lee:** What is it? I'll do anything, just tell me.

(*Lauren grins at Lee and winks at Charlie. She laughs as Lee looks confused*.)

**Charlie:** Oh, I get it... (*Laughs*.)

**Lee:** Just tell me what it is; I'll do anything.

**Charlie:** It'll be great.

(*Cut to Lauren holding a pair of tweezers. She plucks Lee's eyebrows and nose hairs as he moans in pain. Cut to Lee washing and shaving his legs*.)

**Lee:** Oh, actually that feels quite nice, that.

(*Cut to Charlie putting a facial mask on Lee. Cut to Lee lying on his back with cucumber slices over his eyes as Lauren puts fake nails on him. She buffs his nails. Cut to Lee eating a cucumber slice. He shows off the nails to the camera. Cut to Lee putting on a pair of black nylons. Cut to Charlie putting a bra on Lee. She covers it with a black bra and stuffs them with tissues. Cut to Lauren painting Lee's nails red. She and Charlie put makeup on Lee. Lauren puts a hair net on Lee's head and then a blonde wig. Lee shows off an outfit for the camera and Lauren shakes her head. Cut to Lee wearing another of Charlie's dresses*.)

**Charlie:** Yeah, we're getting closer. It's a nice color.

(*Cut to Lee trying on a black dress and a pink wig. Lauren whistles at him. Cut to Lauren helping Lee put on another dress. He shows off for the camera. Cut to Lee showing off for the camera, wearing black high heels, a red dress, and a curly blonde wig*.)

**Lee:** So what do you think?

(*Lauren whistles at Lee*.)

**Lauren:** Hot.

**Lee:** Hot! (*Purrs*.)

**Charlie:** Ravishing. Nice jugs. Oh. Girls, I think we're just about ready to hit the town. Come on.

(*Cut to the three entering a club*.)

**Lee:** Call the girls! Girls, girls, girls! Girls!

**Julia:** Honey, hi!

(*Lauren hugs Julia*.)

**Lee:** Hiya.

(*Julia laughs and hugs Lee*.)

**Charlie:** Hey.

**Julia:** You all right? (*Charlie hugs Julia*.) Thanks for coming.

**Charlie:** I'm so sorry.

**Julia:** No, honey...

**Charlie:** Look, everything that I did was really out of line. I just want you to be happy. I'm here for you, gorgeous.

**Julia:** Honey, we're fine.

**Charlie:** God, you look so gorgeous! (*Pans over Julia*.)

**Julia:** Thank you! (*Shows off for the camera*.)

**Charlie:** Oh! Oh, and your veil!

**Julia:** Can I say something? Why is Lee dressed like a woman?

**Charlie:** Um...

(*Charlie pans over to Lee. Cut to the girls dancing and doing shots of tequila. Sophie pinches Lee's bum and they all scream, hugging Sophie and Alice. They do another round of shots with Sophie. Cut to Julia at the bar. Charlie sneaks behind the bar and steals a bottle of vodka. She runs back to the group and they all scream. Cut to all of them drinking and giggling around a table. Charlie puts vodka into Lauren's drink. Lee spills an empty glass and they all scream*.)

**Lauren:** Lee!

(*Cut to Sophie holding the camera*.)

**Sophie:** Julia, I just want to say that I wish you and Rupert all the happiness in the world and, um, I hope that you live happily ever after. And, um...

(*Alice giggles as she steals the camera from Sophie*.)

**Alice:** Yeah. Well, I hope you and sexy Rupert have a lovely, lovely unity thingy! (*Laughs*.)

**Charlie:** (*Grabs the camera*.) Jules, I know that we've had our ups and downs, but I'm sorry, you mean so much to me and I just didn't want to see you get hurt, right? Jules, I love you. I just- I want to make sure you don't get hurt. That's-that's all.

**Lee:** (*Grabs the camera*.) Happy unity bond day, Julia!

**Charlie:** Jules, I wasn't trying to say that I think that you're gonna get hurt. You know, I just- I love you, and I want you to be happy. Like, co-congratulations! You're getting married!

(*Everyone cheers. Cut to everyone doing more shots of tequila and partying. Cut to Julia approaching the bar*.)

**Julia:** How's those tequilas?

**Man:** You's getting married, then?

**Julia:** Just might.

**Man:** Yeah? (*Orders a drink*.) Actually, who's the bird there in red?

(*Julia looks and the camera cuts to Lee doing another shot. Cut to Lee outside of the ladies' toilet*.)

**Lee:** Right, gentlemen, we're going in. This is a momentous day. We're about to solve one of the mysteries of mankind. What happens in the ladies' toilets? Okay, we're going in.

(*Lee sneaks into the bathroom and Charlie can be heard crying*.)

**Charlie:** You know, I just really, really, really loved him.

(*Julia is comforting Charlie, who is crying in a cubicle*.)

**Julia:** I know.

**Charlie:** I like him so much. He doesn't- He doesn't- We were right there, you know? We were right there, and now he doesn't give a shit about me any more!

**Julia:** Honey, it's alright. You just need to sort this stuff out. Your makeup's going everywhere.

**Charlie:** I'm so sorry. You're getting married and I'm crying, and I'm ruining it. I'm ruining it. (*Blows her nose*.)

**Julia:** No, honey.

**Charlie:** I'm sorry, I love you. I love you. I love you so much...

(*Lee leaves the bathroom and spots Gavin at the table talking to Lauren*.)

**Lee:** Gavin!

**Gavin:** All right- all right, Lee? Um, thanks for the invite.

**Lee:** No problem.

(*The girls start laughing*.)

**Gavin:** Sh- Uh, should I ask about the, um, outfit or-or not? (*Laughs*.) Oh, no...

(*Lee laughs. Cut to Julia walking Charlie out of the bathroom*.)

**Julia:** Oh, honey! You know what you need?

**Charlie:** What?

**Julia:** More shots!

**Charlie:** Oh, thank you, Jules. Gavin!

**Gavin:** Hey.

**Charlie:** Gavin! (*Runs and hugs Gavin, screaming*.)

**Gavin:** Heya, baby. (*Kisses Charlie on the cheek*.) Whoa, whoa. Hey, Jules. Congratulations. (*Hugs Julia*.)

**Charlie:** It's Gavin! (*Laughs*.)

**Gavin:** Can I get you girls a drink?

**Charlie:** Uh, yeah. I'll just have a rum and coke.

**Gavin:** Yeah? Come on.

**Charlie:** Do you want a drink?

**Alice:** Yes.

**Sophie:** More!

(*Cut to Julia approaching Gavin at the bar. Charlie is hugging his back*.)

**Julia:** Gavin. Gavin, hey!

**Gavin:** What?

**Julia:** It's my party, it's my night, and I'll have what I want!

**Charlie:** You're getting married!

**Gavin:** What do you want, baby? A rum and coke for you?

(*The stripper, dressed as a policeman, taps Julia on the shoulder*.)

**Stripper:** Julia Cowan?

**Julia:** Yeah?

**Stripper:** I'm arresting you for being drunk and disorderly.

**Julia:** I'm not drunk!

**Charlie:** (*Giggles*.) She's drunk; she's drunk.

**Stripper:** If you care to come with me?

**Julia:** Charlie! (*The stripper pulls Julia to a chair and sits her down*.) I'm not even drinking that much!

**Gavin:** (*Laughs*.) Oh, no. Oh, no.

(*The stripper pulls off his jacket, as the girls cheer. Julia grins*.)

**Julia:** Thank you!

(*Charlie chants "take it off" as the stripper continues. The rest of the girls cheer as Julia laughs. Sophie catches the stripper's shirt. Julia looks mortified as the stripper removes his pants. Julia puts on his hat and Charlie plays with Julia's veil. Lauren grabs the stripper's butt and laughs. Alice drags him away. Cut to everyone sitting back down at their table*.)

**Julia:** Charlie, come here.

(*Charlie crawls on top of Julia and falls off, laughing*.)

**Gavin:** You still want that drink? God...

**Julia:** I want a champagne!

**Charlie:** I just want a- (*Stumbles*.) Whoa.

**Gavin:** Whoa. What do you want, babe?

**Charlie:** I just want a rum and coke.

**Gavin:** A rum and coke.

**Charlie:** I'm not drunk!

**Gavin:** I know. (*Charlie trips as she tries to get up*.) No, no, stay there; I'll get it.

**Charlie:** No, Gav! (*Gets up, and stumbles as she tries to walk in a straight line*.)

**Gavin:** Rum and coke, rum and coke.

**Charlie:** Alright, fine; fine.

(*Gavin watches Charlie and walks to the bar*.)

**Gavin:** Hi, love. Uh, could I get a, um, glass of champagne, please? And act-, uh, just a Langrini. She won't know the difference. And a rum and coke. A triple rum and coke, alright?

**Lee:** I know what you're up to, Gav, you dirty dog!

**Gavin:** What?

(*Lee pans over to Charlie, who is still attempting to walk*.)

**Charlie:** I can't walk a straight line... (*Giggles*.)

**Gavin:** Maybe. Shh!

(*The bartender pours the drinks. Cut to Gavin bringing them back to the table*.)

**Gavin:** Here you go, girls! Oi, oi! (*The girls cheer*.) Here you go. There you go, Meryl, gin and tonic.

**Julia:** How 'bout you start taking your clothes off, Gav, yeah?

**Charlie:** Yes!

**Gavin:** Alright, easy, you. Shut up, you.

**Charlie:** Mine!

**Gavin:** That's a special rum and coke. And that is a champagne.

**Charlie:** That's- Oh!

**Julia:** Thank you.

(*Cut to Sophie pouring some more shots. Charlie takes another shot and grimaces*.)

**Charlie:** Yuck! Ugh, no more.

(*Cut to Julia in the bathroom*.)

**Julia:** If I'm honest, I do know how Charlie feels. I mean, maybe it is a bit too soon to be getting married. I mean, we've known each other three months, but it feels right. (*Nods*.) It does. (*Lauren throws up nearby*.) Oh, Lauren... (*Walks over to Lauren*.) Lauren, honey, you shouldn't have done all those shots if you couldn't handle it.

(*Julia rubs Laurens back as she throws up. Cut to Julia helping Lauren out of the bathroom. Lee is making out with Sophie nearby, his leg in the air. Cut to Meryl asleep. Julia pans the camera up to find Charlie making out with Gavin, wearing Julia's veil*.)

**Julia:** (*Sighs*.) So much for Steve... (*Julia spots a pile of throw up on the way to the door*.) Oh, that is *great*, Lauren. Disgusting. (*Opens the door*.) Come on. (*Lauren moans, confused*.) Come on, little one, sit down. I'll get you a cab. (*Lauren sits on the stairs and Julia walks a little way up*.) Hey, can somebody get me a cab, please? Hello?

(*Julia sits on the stairs and groans*.)

Right. If that was the hen party, imagine what the wedding's gonna be like. (*Turns to Lauren*.) Honey, you all right? (*Lauren throws up*.)