Deeds of the Disturber

***Deeds of the Disturber*** [Summer 1896]

"This time Amelia doesn’t need to leave England to find murder and mayhem. When a night watchman at the British Museum dies with a terrified expression on his face in front of a “haunted” mummy case, Amelia knows she needs to get to the bottom of it."

## Characters

*in alphabetical order*

* Ayesha, Madam
* Amelia Peabody
* Cuff, Inspector
* Evelyn Barton-Forbes
* Gargery
* Helen McIntosh
* James Peabody
* Kevin O'Connell
* Lord INSERT
* Margaret Minton
* Mrs. Watson
* Percival "Percy" Peabody (boooo, hissssssss)
* Radcliffe Emerson
* Violet Peabody
* Walter Emerson
* Walter "Ramses" Emerson
* Wilkins

## Notable Animals

### The Cat Bastet

In the silence I heard Bastet, who had retreated under the bed, carrying on a mumbling, profane monologue. (If you ask how I knew it was profane, I presume you have never owned a cat.)

From the wild she had come, graciously consenting to share our lives for a time; and to the wild she might well return. This possibility never occurred to Ramses; he assumed the cat’s devotion to him was as profound as was his to her. A touching, childish notion . . . And since it was one of the few childish notions ever expressed by Ramses, I chose not to disabuse him of it. -Amelia Peabody

## Locations

* British Museum, London, England
* Chalfont House in St. James Square, London, England
* Cleopatra's Needle, London, England
* New Scotland Yard

Heretofore all my criminal investigations had occurred in the Middle East, so I had never had occasion to visit New Scotland Yard. - Amelia Peabody

Red brick banded with white Portland stone gave it a picturesque charm, and the rounded turrets at each corner suggested a baronial castle. Its appearance may have been at variance with its grim function, but I see no reason why prisons, fortresses, factories, and other places of confinement should not look attractive. - Amelia Peabody

### Amelia Describes London

“The ghostly gaslights glowed amid the fog as hand-in-hand we hastened through the darkness. Never, I venture to say, has there been a more suitable ambiance for eerie adventure than the reeking, murky, muddy streets of dear old London.” - Amelia Peabody

## Archaeological Fever

Emerson would have scorned to follow Budge’s example, but he would have settled for a stele like the one his chief rival, Petrie, had found the year before. The world of Biblical scholarship was abuzz about it for it contained the first and thus far only mention in Egyptian records of the word “Israel”. - Amelia Peabody

I will tell you a secret about archeologists, dear Reader. They all pretend to be very high-minded. They claim that their sole aim in excavation is to uncover the mysteries of the past and add to the store of human knowledge. They lie. What they really want is a spectacular discovery, so they can get their names in the newspapers and inspire envy and hatred in the hearts of their rivals. - Amelia Peabody

## Historical Cameos

* Wallis Budge (Sir Ernest Alfred Thompson Wallis Budge)

## Budge Trash Talk

“Why, I saw the notice in the newspaper, as I assume you did. Mr. Budge is to give a talk. How could I resist the opportunity to improve my understanding of Egyptology?”

The awful sarcasm of his voice is not to be described.

He had written authoritatively and inaccurately on practically every scholarly subject, in Assyriology as well as Egyptology. - Amelia Peabody

The lecture was Budge’s usual blend of borrowed erudition and braggadocio. He kept bringing in references to the Papyrus of Ani, one of the Museum’s prizes which had been acquired by Budge himself under circumstances that could only be described as questionable in the extreme.

## Cultural References

### Hymn to Osiris

> His sister was his protector,
>
>
> She who drives off the foe,
>
>
> Who foils the deeds of the disturber
>
>
> By the power of her utterance.
>
>
> The clever-tongued, whose speech fails not,
>
>
> Admirable in the words of command.
>
>
>
> Mighty Isis!
>
>

-“Hymn to Osiris,” Eighteenth Dynasty

Lichtheim, M., Ancient Egyptian Literature: Vol II, The New Kingdom (c.1976), 81.

“It should be noted that Mrs. Emerson’s translations were often free and selective.” - *Amelia Peabody’s Egypt: A Compendium*, Edited by Elizabeth Peters

### The Rime of the Ancient Mariner

Part V. by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Poets are always running on about the benefits of sleep, which is reputed to be “a gentle thing, beloved from pole to pole,” and which “knits up the raveled sleeve of care,” et cetera, ad infinitum. I myself have always regarded it as a frightful waste of time. - Amelia Peabody

### Book of Ruth, Old Testament

“Your syntax gives you away, Emerson,” I replied, with a playful shake of my finger. “You do not deny that you mean to visit an opium den. You cannot suppose I would let you go alone to such a place? ‘Whither thou goest I will go, and whither thou lodgest I will lodge; thy people shall be—’ ”

“Oh, do be quiet, Peabody! And don’t quote Scripture to me!”

### Charles Dickens

My dear Emerson professes to despise the works of Mr. Dickens (“next to you, Peabody, the most rampageous sentimentalist I have ever encountered”), but I notice that he often quotes him.

Ramses, of course, wanted to know what Mr. Dickens meant by “the worst.” On my advice, Emerson refused to answer.

### Jack the Ripper

I had no desire to hear Ramses explain how he happened to know of Jack the Ripper, and most especially how he had found out that the homicidal slaughterer of unfortunate young women had an obsessive hatred of what could only loosely be called a particular “profession.”

### Queen Victoria

As Emerson would say--and in fact did say fairly often--she had altogether too many descendants, direct and collateral, bumbling around the world and getting into trouble. -Amelia Peabody

## First Line

In a great many respects I count myself among the most fortunate of women.

## Rescues

### Ramses Rescues His Parents

“What the devil is going on?”I shouted.

“You won’t believe it,” said Emerson in a hollow voice.

Then another voice said calmly, “Good evening, Mama. Good evening, Papa. Good evening, sir. I do not know who you are, but in view of the fact that you share the incarceration of my dear parents, I can only assume you are an ally, or possibly . . .”

“Now, Mama, Papa, and sir,” said Ramses, “please withdraw to the farthest corner and crouch down with your backs turned. It is as I feared; we will never break through by this method. The walls are eight feet thick. Fortunately I brought along a little nitroglycerin—”

### Kevin O'Connell

“You mistake me,” Emerson said. “I was about to thank you. By Gad, young man, I do thank you! You sacrificed your chance of a story in order to protect Mrs. Emerson. I won’t forget it, Mr. O’Connell. I am in your debt.”

“And I,” added Ramses. “Shake hands, Mr. O’Connell, and remember that if I am ever in a position to be of use to you, you may count on me.”

I pounded on Kevin’s arm. “Let me go! Release me at once! I must go to him. Oh, good Gad, I fear the worst--”

Kevin’s cheeks were flushed with excitement and his lips had stretched into a ferocious fighting smile. “Begorra!” he bellowed. That’s the spirt, Mrs. E. Let’s go get ‘em, eh? Up the O’Connells!”

“And the Peabodys,”I shrieked, brandishing my parasol.

“And the Peabodys! Here we go then!”

## Quotes to Remember

Surely it was not chance, or an idle vagary of fortune that prompted the cataclysmic event. No! Fate, destiny, call it what you will—it was meant to be. - Amelia Peabody, on first meeting Emerson in Cairo

Thoughtless persons have sometimes accused me of holding an unjust prejudice against the male sex. - Amelia Peabody

After littering the salon with the shreds of the newspaper and jumping up and down on them, Emerson felt more himself. - Amelia Peabody

Helen laughed heartily. She found Ramses quite entertaining—no doubt because she saw very little of him. - Amelia Peabody

I hope I am not too late for tea. A cup of the genial beverage would be just the thing. - Amelia Peabody

I cannot explain why Emerson and I are so often involved with violent crime; I am inclined to attribute it to a certain frame of mind, an awareness of suspicious circumstances that elude persons of duller wit. - Amelia Peabody

The house was blissfully quiet. Emerson was at the Museum; Ramses was in his room, mummifying a rat or manufacturing dynamite, or doing something of the sort. How peaceful it all was, and how devoutly I thanked Heaven for my manifold blessings! - Amelia Peabody

But the pain of that was nothing to the mental anguish that filled me. I had erred. Yes, I—Amelia Peabody Emerson—had failed to pursue the rigorous and logical deductions that are essential to a criminal investigation.

How typical of a man, I thought bitterly, to stay away just long enough to rouse the direst of apprehensions--and then turn up in time to foil my plans. If he had stayed away five minutes longer, I would have been out of the house.

Instead of returning immediately to the house I remained at the gate. The night air was damp and permeated with the acrid smell of burning coal, but I am sure I need not tell the Reader why I lingered. If there is any among you who has not, on one occasion or another, stood by a window or a door, watching with bated breath for a returning wanderer--whose heart has not quickened at the sight of every vehicle turning into the street, or any pedestrian whose form bears the slightest resemblance to the one awaited--who has not felt the sickening pain of disappointment when the vehicle passes without stopping and the form is that of another--then I heartily congratulate that individual on the tranquility of his or her existence. - Amelia Peabody

I gave him a friendly poke with the parasol. “Now Kevin, don’t sulk. The score is still not even; you have played more tricks on me that I have played on you, and you know perfectly well you would have done the same if you had been in our shoes.”

“Excuse me, sir and madam.” Gargery put a plate of soup before Emerson. “I know I ought not ask, but in view of the profound respect I feel for you both, I must inquire whether there is any imminent danger, and if so, what we servants can do to help.”

I knew why Emerson was so agreeable. Like myself, he had often wondered whether his son’s interest in mummies and ancient bones was a sign of some deep disturbance. Finding the same quality in supposedly normal children like Percy and Violet reassured him.

Serves him right. It will teach him not to overindulge in spirits or trust Egyptologists bearing gifts. - Radcliffe Emerson

How could I think of the flooded burial chamber of the Black Pyramid without remembering some of the most exquisitely tender moments of my marriage, when Emerson and I vowed to perish in one another’s arms (providing, of course, that we were unable to find a way out of the place where we had been entombed, which I fully expected we would and which indeed proved to be the case). - Amelia Peabody

Emerson: As for having nothing to do with it--who was kind enough to take you to an opium den last night, Peabody?

Amelia: It was good of you, Emerson.

Emerson: Yes, Peabody, it was.

Amelia: But you only gave in because you knew I would go anyway.

Emerson: Hmph.

“Peabody--my darling Peabody . . .” Emerson’s voice dropped in pitch and took on a wheedling tone. “We don’t need our cursed families. You and I and Ramses . . . all for one and one for all, eh?” -Radcliffe Emerson

“Well, really,” I said, tossing the note aside. “I am sorry to find Mr. O’Connell is such a poor sport. He has played worse tricks on me. All is fair in love, war, and journalism, Gargery.”

“I took the liberty of saying something of the sort to Mr. O’Connell,” said Gargery. “Though it was not put so nicely, madam. You and the professor do have such a striking way of putting things, madam, if you don’t mind my saying so.”

Oh, come, my dear - that is, Madam Ayesha. Let us not fence with one another. We both know that the police, being mere men, are not overly intelligent. - Amelia Peabody

My parting shot had been designed by resentment and a desire to appear clever (for even I succumb to such failings of character at times, and considering the provocation, I felt that on the whole I had behaved very well). - Amelia Peabody

Men can never resist the opportunity to make a vulgar joke. - Amelia Peabody

I looked at him. My look was severe and unsmiling; but although I take care never to admit it to Emerson, for fear of making him vain, the sight of him seldom fails to soften my resentment. - Amelia Peabody

The accompanying text made a number of libelous allegations and did not fail to mention the establishment in which we had been found. (I could almost hear my dear Evelyn’s cry of horror: “An opium den! Walter, what will they do next?) - Amelia Peabody

Though I had slept only a few hours, I felt quite fresh and full of ambition. Righteous indignation has that effect on my character. - Amelia Peabody

I am the most tolerant of women, but to join my husband, my son, and my butler in a discussion of our evening in an opium den and at Bow Street was really a bit too much. - Amelia Peabody

“You wouldn’t want to wake the poor chap at this hour, would you, ma’am” Inspector Cuff said. “I will be happy to make arrangements for you to interview the prisoner later--tomorrow, if you like.”

And there I was forced to leave the matter. It is no wonder the world is in such wretched shape, with men running its affairs.

You know Peabody, that even a well-preserved mummy is distinctly unsightly. Romantic fantasies about beautiful princesses must shrivel like the lady’s own flesh—under the merciless glare of scientific truth. She may have abscessed teeth Peabody. She may be … middle-aged! Could you think of anything more destructive to sentiment than a middle-aged, gray-haired woman with a toothache? - Radcliffe Emerson

I am sure Papa is in no danger, Ramses. And even if he were—which, as I say, I consider unlikely—he is capable of defending himself with the utmost skill and energy. Just concentrate on your nice mummies and don’t worry about your Papa. - Amelia Peabody

Having observed that Gargery had given up all pretense of serving the food and was leaning over Emerson’s shoulder trying to see what he had drawn on the tablecloth, I announced we would retire to the drawing room. Gargery bore the disappointment bravely. - Amelia Peabody

Having observed Emerson’s reaction to Ramses’ mention of the phrase “homicidal maniac” (a term that affects him almost as painfully as “Master Criminal”), I decided to give him time to cool before I raised the subject again. - Amelia Peabody

Emerson manfully tried to chat with Percy, but found sensible conversation impossible with a lad who knew nothing whatever of predynastic pottery or the principles of stratification, so he soon gave it up. - Amelia Peabody

“And the next time my name, or that of Mrs. Emerson, appears in that rag of yours, I will come to your office and thrash you within an inch of your life. Good day, Mr. O’Connell.”

O’Connell precipitately vanished.

Needless to say, I remained calm. - Amelia Peabody

Emerson would have said it served me right for being so smug. Yet who could have suspected that her pretty smiling face was as capable of concealing such dark duplicity? Certainly not an individual as forthright and honest as I. - Amelia Peabody

Emerson would thus have the satisfaction of doing what he secretly yearned to do, and the even greater satisfaction of blaming it all on ME. This is a favorite trick of husbands, I have observed, and although Emerson is vastly superior to the majority of the species, he is not entirely free from masculine weaknesses. - Amelia Peabody

“Superstitious” is not a word, I believe, that anyone would dare apply to me. - Amelia Peabody

## Amelia Words

“I have not the time to exchange quibbles with you,” I said sternly. “I slipped out of the house without Emerson’s knowledge; if he misses me he will raise a **hullaballoo**.”

A shudder ran through Kevin’s wiry frame. “A very descriptive word, Mrs. E.”

I managed to leave the house unobserved by any of the occupants except Gargery the butler. He was new to the post, having been hired since I was last in England: a sandy-haired, youngish man of medium height and build, with an **ingenuous** face that had not quite mastered the perfect **imperturbability** the office requires. He stared at my belt and its jingling **accouterments** as if he had never seen such a thing before (which in fact I suppose he had not.) - Amelia Peabody

The lecture was Budge’s usual blend of borrowed **erudition** and **braggadocio**. - Amelia Peabody

I am never **dogmatic**; my mind is always receptive to new ideas. - Amelia Peabody

Emerson believes that physical comfort is essential to intellectual labors (an opinion in which I heartily concur), so he was in his shirt sleeves, without cravat or vest. His hair was tousled and his face was liberally besprinkled with ink spots, unmistakable signs of a desperate (though victorious) struggle with his **recalcitrant** prose. - Amelia Peabody

## Fashion

“It (the parasol) had a silver handle and ruffles trimmed with lace. I particularly liked the ruffles. They gave the implement a giddy, frivolous appearance that masked its true function; for the shaft was of tempered steel and the point was rather sharp.” - Amelia Peabody

I made my way through the crowd. I never have any difficulty making my way through a crowd. Much of the credit must go to my ever-useful parasol, of which I possess a good number, in different styles and colors. The one I carried that evening was a formal parasol in rich black taffeta, which matched my evening dress and cloak. - Amelia Peabody

## Ramses Being Catastrophically Precocious

“I understand that you had been rendered unconscious and were as a result unaware of what occurred during the final moments, but from what you have said it is clear that the villain fired first at you and would no doubt have shot Mama next, for if I know Mama, and I am sure I do, she would never run away but would attack your assailant with the utmost energy, and indeed the bruises on her throat make it evident that she closed with him--and he with her--so to speak--”

After he had gone I looked at Ramses. “Do you know anything about this, Ramses?”

“No, Mama. Which is something of a blow to my pride, since I try always to be au courant when the safety of you or Papa is involved. One might of course speculate--”

“Do not speculate, Ramses.”

“Ramses, would you mind sitting over there, across the room?” I congratulate you on washing your face and your hands, but the aroma of chemicals that clings to your clothing . . . What experiments are you working on?”

“Just my usual experiments, Mama.”

…Mama, your grasp on my collar has twisted it about my windpipe in a manner painfully suggestive of what a criminal must experience when the hangman’s noose— Ramses Emerson

## Foreshadowing

### Whiskey and Soda

Ramses tried his usual trick when the wine was being poured, holding out a glass and hoping his Papa would fill it before he noticed whose it was. Emerson did notice, but he laughed and splashed a scant inch of hock into the tumbler. “You deserve it, my son. Now, Peabody, don’t frown, he must learn to drink his wine like a gentleman.”

## References

1. ↑ “Amelia Peabody Books”. barbaramertz.org. May 1, 2023.