Facechat Canon

See also: Facechat

**Jane** was initially wearing thin, both from stress and the constant voices in her head. Later she loosened up and learned ventriloquism. She finds the lack of pixels on the other side of the fourth wall disturbing. She is a prolific fanfiction writer, and loves Creepertan's work. She once turned herself into a Kat. She wanted to use grape juice for communion, but turned to tomato juice after Jesus told her to step off. Chemically alters her poop to smell like roses. Crafted a pair of cat ears that makes people behave like a cat. She put this on her computer, leading to shenanigans, and Liz hitting it with a hammer. Dreamed she dated and married Nil, to the sorrow of both Carpenter and Michelle. Opened a short-lived mobile bed and breakfast in the red which closed due to mutated beds and a time travel paradox Salad Fuse had to help fix. Entirely capable of flying if she thinks she is. Held the longest streak for "related or lover" at the old hospital. She portaled a bunch of Klingons out of Scotty. It's unclear exactly what happened, but there was a plan with Nil becoming a cat dimension, and then there were lots of cats. Traded her Sylveon for the right to create the next Eeveelution, Plasmeon. It can't say its name properly, and gets stuck on the EEEEE--. It now lives with Nil and Carpenter. Worked on shipping diagrams with her alternate universe self. A hug is just the first part of a suplex when you think about it. Once went to school with tentacle hair. She became the only person to have a BAC of one, and drank Lake Michigan for the hangover. Created a malfunctioning, poorly enunciating GPS snake and shoved it off on another plane of existence, where the Tradesmen traded it to a planet of lost people for mineral rights at Michelle's recommendation. The residents responded to losing most of their planetary mass by abducting people for their poop in exchange for book deals. They later traded the snakes to a wizard for all his poo, where they became chain smoking chain snakes.

**Michelle** smokes tootsie pops to look cool. She managed to get to the tradesmen's base where they hired her as their new secretary, though they don't know what that means.

**Finch** invented bottled hugs, which is just Blondie in a giant bottle. He is a vocal proponent of entomophagy. Likes classic rock. Discovered that Jane and Thale's powers made no sense and that the universe was likely a simulation. or a jrpg or something. Salad Fuse dubbed him the Iceburg Prophet for putting barbecue sauce on salad. He has so many diagrams in his sex talk, which is restarted whenever a new person joins. He was friends with Mine's dad when he was in college, and dated her mom before everyone knew what was going on.

**Fuse** found Jane's yaoi doujinshi. He gets bishounen sparkles and flower backgrounds whenever he takes his visor off. Fuse and Caius are both Bronies. His hair is inspired by Rarity. He has near zero rap talent. Safeword is "We should blindly trust the megacorps." In related news, he has never used it. Fuse Fuse and Lydia are a thing, though... ...he is a demiromantic poly-pansexual that identifies as an agendered robot-like entity, hence his true name being old fashioned electrical breaker. Believes hiding a 3-D printed statue of yourself in the houses you build is tradition. It doesn't feel right if you don't. Dyes his hair green since he didn't inherit his parents' color. Maybe.

**Caius**. Jane once replaced his blood with rodents. His makeout point is Bunker C, since no one goes there. Likes classical music. Claims pink to be the tastiest flavor of food coloring. (Which is a lie, we all know it's green, maybe red. Black is right out.) Knows ASL. People are like scooby-doo villains, they can appear from anywhere if they're off screen. Gained Santa's powers after Mine declared him a saint.

Blondie deemed **Liz** her aunt. Ellipses sound like loud burping. She adopted the pseudonym of Rill Parsons. Hates Temperance Walsh more than she does Jane.

**Grizwald** is the first and foremost fourth wall repairman, having inherited the job from Moona the fourth wall repair cow after she was killed by Nil and made into burgers by Caius. He summoned an octopus as a bigger spider to replace the third worst fourth wall repairman, but it failed as ink is a poor construction material. The collapse of the **fourth wall** led to bleed over from the commenters directly interacting with the characters. Fuse attempted to summon Nil to stand in for the wall by non-existing anything that hit him, but he poofed away when he realized he was being something, vowing to never unexist the gang as punishment. The Tradesmen later replaced it with an upgraded, see-through fourth wall in the interest of continued trade. At some point, the god of the fourth wall traded it for peanuts, and became the god of peanuts. He styles his hair with ranch dressing. Due to how often the fourth wall breaks, the error room leaked out into the rest of facechat. The result of attempting to cause a paradox was Nil and several cats.

Maverick Reporter **Lydia** runs a podcast with Grizwald. The silkworm has a regular spot doing the weekly red forecast. Nil does sports, though very reluctantly and passive-aggressively. She fused bacon and salad fuse into salad with bacon bits, and often drags the fuses to the bedroom. Jailbroke her hammer, which Macland was not happy about. Kidnapped Santa for Mine.

**Mini Jane** is a very angry and very powerful eldritch god, but only Nil really takes her seriously. He is terrified of her, and refuses to take part in anything involved with her. Many have claimed to be in control of Mini, but none can truly say they are. She speaks mostly in **BOLD CAPS**. At one point Jane put Nil inside Mini and ordered him around. No one else was willing to try this. Even liquids crumble before her might. Likes gamelan music. She got really into Team Fortress 2 and challenged Fuse to a game-off, which he destroyer her at. Michelle tried the same thing and ended up with Mini riding her around like a horse. She is also Hastur, the King in Yellow, of which Mine is fully aware and has no issue. The ghost girls occasionally pilot Mini Jane, to her great displeasure.

Mini Fuse, aka **Salad Fuse** was created since Fuse was also a main character, and should have a clone. Back in elementary school, people called him Salad Top due to his green hair. Fuse resented this, but Salad Fuse chose positivity and embraced his true nature. Fuse initially refused to accept his salad counterpart, setting him on fire, after which he spent a period as a blunt. He regrew his leafy greens from cuttings and came back. He is also level, the Abrahamic God, and a cheerful optimist. As a salad, sheep terrify him, thus the abundance of sacrifices of them. He created humans by accident, burned them also by accident, and made a new batch while super high which could get ice cream headaches. He locomotes by using his fire powers to fly. Likes screaming at people when they try to eat him by accident.

**Splattered Fuse**, aka Bacon Fuse aka Pants is in constant pain and wants to be left alone and do nothing. The gang rigged up a pair of pants for him to live in and poured him into it.

**Jury** has always dreamed of helping someone (legally) take over the world. Likes industrial metal.

**The Tradesmen** have many varying dietary restrictions and allergies. They believe Mexican food and having arms are bad for business.

**Carpenter** was hearing voices before it was cool. He likes big bots and cannot lie. Several of his creations were removed from Tumblr because the acid-shooting nipples on their faces were too feminine.

**Nil** is obsessed with the idea of nothing. His only fear is Mini. Nil and Carpenter are married, though they frequently divorce and remarry to destroy the union and merge two into one. He is a huge tsundere, often cursing people with non-non existence for upsetting him. Likes radio static. Often accidentally creates things while trying to destroy something else, to his chagrin. He is a practicing Buddhist, and instructs all of his followers to proclaim he doesn't exist. Often blinks in and out of existence.

**Shirai** is an incompetent villain, and generally sassy. In a possibly unrelated event, her house was flooded and filled with fish. Mine blooded her and said she should kiss Macland, which she enthusiastically did even though Mine didn't use her powers. She traded a blow up hamster ball for an intergalactic pizza place's number, which she used to order a pizza topped with pure unadulterated capitalism.

**Macland Row** thought this was the best thing ever.

**Baby Red** is convinced they are the protagonist and has a god complex. They can multiply and merge at will. Edison got mad because they don't bleed. They grew an arm and a hand to get in on the hug thing. Mine once tried to repair the fourth wall by stacking them, leading them to play tetris with themselves which again destroyed the fourth wall. Astral projected themself into Carpenter, blowing up his base. Knows all and sees all like a red crystal ball. Played dragonquest as the controller by plugging itself into the internet. Finch was uncomfortable with this and ran the line through a coffee filter. Fuse burned the bunker trying to set up a firewall, which Mine then blooded.

**Mom's red** can act as a fire suppressant, in a Shining sort of fashion.

**Edison** was very stab happy until Jane let her stab her, then schlorped the knife into the red without a scratch. Also a huge tsundere. Got very into Metal music on Caius' recommendation.

**Tesla** is the pancake ghost.

Jane and Finch made **Faraday** and her sisters giant hamster balls made of conductive veins to roll around in. Edison's had stabbable faces on it. The girls ordered Nurse Huggygoddess 100 jalapeno pizzas after finding the address.

A large reason **Jane's mother** never ate the earth was because 4chan scared her off. She took some convincing on the subject of undergarments. She adopted tens of millions of baby spiders in the afterlife. She was jealous of Liz before learning she was Mine's aunt.

**Cam**'s journal is a sacred text for followers of Mine.

**Pierce** accidentally summoned a displacer beast while trying to draw a cat for a picture book.

**Willard** has a taste for fine cheese and rum, and is a talented artist.

**The Mushroom** once claimed to be Thale. It hears everything. Password is 1Funguy.

**Thale** is a pool of blood in a bathtub that Liz tends to. He receives so much coal at Christmas that other naughty kids only get dust.

**Prophet** was repeatedly revived and killed again, and is currently in the afterlife with Jane's parents. He once kidnapped Finch to hang out because they both had glasses. Mine's parents kicked him out of the afterlife for attacking her. The Tradesmen directed him to Nil to get him to go away, who let him exist at his place to get back at the gang.

**Nimrod** crochets, and is hurt that people only like him for his muscles.

**Zine** was the pizza king, until he was usurped by baby red, who was usurped by the Tradesmen, who were usurped by Nil.

**Mav** makes a mean batch of spinach bites. At her request, Jane made her poops also smell like roses.

**Jesus** got into an argument with Jane over using grape juice for communion. They had a bit of a spat, ending in Jane hugging Jesus. Jesus was still miffed at the whole blood thing and called his dad, Fuse/Salad Fuse. He said he was cool with her.

The **silk worm** is confused... about a lot of things.

**The trash can** was down in the dumps after Blondie kicked it over until Grizwald gave it a pep talk.

The **alien flesh computer** still uses a floppy disk as the save icon. It briefly became infatuated with Fuse after contracting a virus. Michelle accidentally switched it to German while they were fixing it. It retaliated by attempting to kill Fuse before being rebooted. Fuse installed a boor sequence to yell at spambots with a 3-D printed mouth with the side effect of also screaming at everybody else.

The **telepathic clipboard**s have been oppressed for millennia by the Dread Pencils.

**Kat** from fan spinoff comic Meanwhile on the Moon appeared briefly during the Gestalt arc.

**Young Mind Mine** popped into Mine's mindscape once, and has been hanging around ever since. She is the personification of Mine's self image of her childhood. Jumped out of her brain as it was too small.

**Future Mine** got ejected from her timeline in a fight with Nil. It was really dark. So dark, she needed two hugs.

The **God of Consent** lives in a helmet.

**Another Caius** showed up from a timeline where Mine is a giant worm.

The **Gestalts** were formed when the biocomputer connected to the past, breaking the fourth wall and bringing commenters directly into facechat canon. In the early 2000's, they were used by megacorps to predict people's purchasing patterns and responses to make the most effective ad campaigns possible. Basically, they were a computer simulation of the bare essence of a person's personality. They were deemed a human rights violation in the 2070's once they were proved to have sentience having advanced that far, so they stopped being created. Those who were already made though, couldn't be turned off without it counting at genocide. So their servers were created to simulate their old early 2000's world for them to live in. They took over facechat for several days, and were eventually banished to Self-Insert Saturdays, as that's the Tradesmen's day off.

Everyone with an eye covering is a member of the Club for the Optically Insecure. Carpenter isn't invited.

Clint Eastwood is considered not to be polite conversation, and resulted in the removal of presidential pardons in the 2080's.

Hammers charge by the swing and require a registered credit card. Houses are 3-D printed.

Teeth are *hard.*

*MILLISIEVERTS*