The Untimely Clash - Raphael vs. Michelangelo/Transcript

## Page 2

 **Mikey** (But under the tatami laid the corpse of...)
 The cautious ninja thought his clan was safe, but under the tatami laid the corpse of\_
 **Mikey** (...The corpse of... Of...)
 Raphael\_
 **Mikey** (Wait, just what am I typing?)
 **Mikey** (I need to snap out of it... I need to make some progress!)
 **Mikey** (Damn it! Ever since Raph and Donnie came back into my life, I can’t seem to focus on my work anymore! Words used to come out of my mind so easily!)
 **Mikey** (The deadline is growing nearer and nearer and I’m not even halfway done with my first draft!)
 **Mikey** (If I can’t live up to my publisher’s expectations, if I screw up this gig... I won’t get paid, my reputation will be tainted and it’ll be harder to secure contracts in the future...)
 **Mikey** (Unless...)
 **Mikey** (This might be my only way out of this predicament.)
 DIARY

## Page 3

 **Raph** “Huh... Who’s calling at this time... No Renoir! Don’cha even think ‘bout puttin’ that down! Keep pumpin’ iron!”
 **Raph** “Yo, you’ve reached “suicidal alcoholics anonymous”. Now hang up before we track ya down and have you join us.”
 **Renoir** “Help!”
 **Raph** “You? How’d ‘cha get my number?”
 **Davianna** “I asked Shadow for it. But why do you sound so surprised?”
 **Davianna** “I know we grew apart a bit since high school, with you being such a... Sweet-talker and stuff. But with everything that happened, I feel like we should reconnect, don’t you think?”
 **Raph** “Gaah, sure thing, toots! Sorry I didn’t give ya a holler! I was kinda busy these last few days er... Beatin’ up thugs, trainin’... Errrr... I mean readin’ books for teens, redecoratin’ my home, enjoyin’ my new life... Gahahaha!”
 **Davianna** “Redecorating?”
 **Davianna** “Enjoy lie?”
 **Davianna** “Weird... You once told me that only old people use this kind of language.”
 **Davianna** “Huh? What was that noise? Augustus?”
 **Renoir** “What did I do...?”
 **Raph** “Aaw, nothin’ baby!”
 **Davianna** “You know, you left so suddenly the other night. Didn’t you think I’d want to ask you some questions at least? I’d like to see you again. To talk.”
 **Raph** “...”
 **Davianna** “Can you meet me at our usual place from the good old days, tomorrow evening?”

## Page 4

 **Davianna** “Oh look at the time. I’d better go to sleep. You’re nocturnal now, though, right?”
 **Davianna** “That’s what Shadow said, so...”
 **Davianna** “...See you tomorrow at our “usual place” Take care Augustus!”
 **Davianna** “...”
 **Raph** “Hey ya runt!”
 **Raph** “I nailed some kind of a date with that Asian girl yer so obsessed with! She wants to see me at some “usual place”! Where’s that?”
 **Raph** “‘Aight, so t’was that park where ya ran away to and acted like a damn drama queen in front of Shadow. I’m just gonna tell that Davianna that I, “Augustus” am still alive and kickin’. Nothin’ more.”
 **Renoir** “\*Cough\* \*Cough\* Please, oh please! Let me tag along! Please... Master!”
 **Raph** “Ya kiddin’ me? Did’ja think for a second I’d drag yer whiny ass with me and spare ya of yer much needed training? Hell no!”
 **Raph** “Tryin’ to slack off again, eh? Well, I ain’t that stupid, Renoir! Yer stayin’ here!”
 **Renoir** “B...But!”
 **Raph** “Aaaw, shuddap... She fell for it once, so she probably will this time too...”
 **Raph** “Besides, if she thought I was “Augustus”, that means I have a lot in common with her dead friend, ‘y know...”
 **Renoir** “No...”

## Page 5

 **Davianna** (It’s been a while we didn’t meet up here.)
 **Davianna** (I wonder if he knew what I was talking about.)
 **Davianna** (From time to time, we’d talk about the good old days, when we were kids, when we first met.)
 **Davianna** (I’d always tell him that this is “our” place.)
 **Davianna** (I knew it. He remembers. He really is the Augutus I know.)

## Page 6

 **Renoir** “...”
 **Renoir** (“Preventative measure”, that maniac said!! The hell with it!! I need to see Davianna too!)
 **Renoir** (If only I wasn’t handcuffed to this barbell...)
 **Renoir** (Wait, those are screws!)
 **Renoir** (I’m such a genius! I’ll just unscrew those weights and I’ll be by Davianna’s side in a jiffy!)
 **Renoir** (\*Screw\* you, Raphael... Haha! That’s a good one...)

## Page 7

 **Davianna** “Hey there.”
 **Raph** “Heya.”
 **Davianna** “Aaah!”
 **Davianna** “Oh no! Are you okay?”
 **Raph** “I’m OK! I’m OK! Don’cha worry ‘bout me!!”
 **Davianna** (Weird, normally he’d say something out of place like his delicate butt being damaged or something.)
 **Raph** “Stupid swing.”
 **Davianna** “It’s so windy today...”

## Page 8

 **Davianna** “Don’t look there, you pervert!!”
 **Raph** “Wuorgh!”
 **Davianna** (Well, at least that confirms that he’s still himself.)
 **Raph** “I don’t think ya made me come all the way here just to help ya practice yer girly self-defense skills!”
 **Davianna** “Oh, sorry!”
 **Davianna** “Actually, I was just thinking...”
 **Davianna** “You were buried in a coffin a few weeks ago... How did you manage to make it back here... Looking like this?”
 **Raph** “Do ya believe in reincarnation? If not, start believin’, ‘cuz that’s how I came back.”
 **Davianna** “Now I wonder how you got so many scars and became so big and fat within the few weeks that followed your “rebirth”.”
 **Davianna** “Such a heavy Brooklyn accent... Hmmm...”
 **Raph** (Me? Fat???)
 **Davianna** “Ah, don’t sorry, no matter what the explanation is, I won’t pry. It’s not like the idea of “rebirth” is rational anyways, so why bother with details, right?”
 **Davianna** “Anyways, my next point is...”

## Page 9

 **Davianna** “Look at this.”
 **Davianna** “That number is the fruit of your labor... Or lack thereof.”
 64
 **Raph** ““64”... Err... Yeah, so what? That’s a bad number accodring to yer horoscope or somethin’?”
 **Davianna** “No. That’s the grade I got for the book report I did with you a few months back. Read the comments. It gets better.”
 **Raph** ““Next time, do your research instead of making up things about the author.””
 **Davianna** “The links between the author’s life and his work was your party, remember?”
 **Davianna** “The teacher gave each team an opportunity to boost their grade by handing in a reworked copy. I thought I’d have to do it on my own, but... Since you’re back and you probably have a lot of free time... I’m counting on you!”
 **Raph** (What’s this shit...?)

## Page 10

 **Shadow** “Uncle Raph? What? Davianna’s book report? I dunno... Try asking Renoir.”
 **Raph** “No, if Renoir’s that convinced that he’s that “Augustus” guy, he probably sucks at school stuff like him too.”
 **Raph** “The title?”
 **Raph** “Let’s see here... “Dishonor, Despair, Sorrow and Illusions, by “Mikael Buonarotti”.”
 **Shadow** “Aaah!! That’s Uncle Mikey’s pen name! I didn’t know Davianna and Augustus chose to do their book report on his first novel!”
 72
 **Raph** “Hehe, it’s a small world after all, eh? Well I s’pose he ain’t gonna mind if I dropped his place! It’s a great timing too, I’m outta booze. Catch ya later, kiddo.”
 **Shadow** “Wait, Uncle Raph! He... \*Click\*”
 **Renoir** “Davianna, I’m here at last! I’ll save you from that fat lumbering faker!”
 **Renoir** “Come, fly into my arms!!”
 **Renoir** “Eh?”
 **Raph** “...”
 **Renoir** “Master!! I’m sorrryyyy!!”
 **Raph** “Shaddap, Renoir!!”

## Page 11

 **Renoir** “Oh, so she called for the book report?”
 **Renoir** “Too bad I can’t help you with it. I didn’t actually read that book, hahaha...”
 **Renoir** “Err... Thanks for the ride by the way...”
 **Raph** “Renoir, why won’cha just stop pretendin’?”
 **Raph** “I know you’re obsessed wit’ that chick, but ya should calm down. Yer just gonna mess up her mind more. Y’know, I put up a horrible act pretendin’ to be her dead pal... And she still bought it. Goes to show how fragile the state of her mind is right now.”
 **Raph** “I dunno how ya know so much ‘bout her pal, but I don’t ever wanna see ya pop up and try to slap your “human life” fantasy on her face again.”
 **Renoir** “She’s not the only one trying to make sense out of absurd things, you know. Ever since I woke up looking like this... I have a hard time accepting that this is “reality”.”
 **Renoir** “That’s why I want to reclaim everything that used to be important to me... To feel more “real”...”
 **Renoir** “...Because right now, it’s like I’m living a nightmare! I’m not “Renoir”!”
 **Renoir** “My real name, as a human, is...”
 **Raph** “Can’t ‘cha see I don’t give damn?”
 **Raph** “You’re always whinin’ ‘bout yer damn imaginary human identity!! Well I’m fed up wit’ yer crap!! You’re a mutant turtle like me, Donnie and Mikey! So bear wit’ it and quit pissin’ me off already!!”
 **Raph** “You’re born a mutant and you’ll die as one!!”
 **Renoir** “No!! I...”
 **Renoir** “I have memories... I...!!”
 **Raph** “Wha’cha sayin’...? Aaah?”
 **Raph** “Cat got yer tongue, Renoir?”
 **Renoir** (I wonder why I put up with a colossal jerk like Raphael for so long...)

## Page 12

 **Shadow** “Oh hey, Uncle Raph.”
 **Shadow** “Umm... Uncle Mikey’s working on a really tight deadline right now, so he doesn’t want to be disturbed tonight... Sorry.”
 **Raph** “It’s just a small request. It ain’t gonna be kill him.”
 **Shadow** “Hey Augustus. Why such a long face?”
 **Raph** “Stop callin’ him that. Yer feedin’ his fantasy of once bein’ a human. Call him “Renoir”. That’s his name.”
 **Shadow** “Huh? But...”
 **Raph** “It’s between him and me. Don’t interfere, Shadow.”
 **Shadow** “Hm... OK whatever you say, Uncle Raph.”
 **Shadow** “Anyways, here’s a case of beer. Make it last, OK? For the book report, just leave it to me!”
 **Shadow** “Everything will be okay! Good bye, now!”

## Page 13

 **Raph** “Thanks for the booze...”
 **Raph** “But tonight, it’s my duty as “Augustus” to make sure that paper is corrected and to deliver it to that girl.”
 **Raph** “Ya know, she thinks I’m her dead pal, so she bossed me around... That Augustus must be a wimp, hahaha!”
 **Shadow** “That’s, err... Good for you, Uncle Raph. By the way, you didn’t know Uncle Mikey’s pen name, so... I suppose you never read his works, right?”
 **Raph** “Does it look like I read books?”
 **Shadow** “Aha, see? Like I said, leave it to me! I read his books so I can finish this in a jiffy! Now go home and enjoy the beer, hahaha...”
 **Raph** “Who said anythin’ ‘bout readin’ a book? I’m just gonna ask my bro to do all the work for me! After all, he’s the author of... A “story about four brothers who...””
 **Shadow** “No! No, Uncle Raph! You won’t like the story! It’s... It’s...!!!”

## Page 14

 **Raph** ““Four brothers...””
 **Raph** ““...Who lost all trust in each other and caused the death of their sensei...””

## Page 15

 **Raph** “Mikeeeeyyyy...”
 **Shadow** “Uncle Raph!! Wait!”
 **Raph** “Mikey!!”

## Page 16

 **Mikey** “What the...”
 **Mikey** “Raph? What was that all about? Look, I’m busy right now, so...”
 DIARY
 **Mikey** “Raph?”
 **Raph** “Too bad... ‘Cuz I came to give ya somethin’ else to be busy with...!!”

## Page 17

 **Raph** “You...”
 **Raph** “...You greedy bastard!”

## Page 18

 **Raph** “Get up.”
 **Mikey** “Raph!! H... Have you gone mad?”
 **Raph** “I told ya to get up!!”
 **Raph** “Ya “human” scum! Ya really outdid yerself, haven’t ya!! You’re the lowest of the low!”

## Page 19

 **Shadow** “Uncle Raph! What’s wrong with you?? Uncle Mikey... He’s... He’s bleeding!!!”
 **Raph** “You! Stay outta this! It’s just between me and this piece of shit here!”
 **Shadow** “Uncle Raph!! Calm down!!”
 **Shadow** “Please! Let go of him!!”
 **Shadow** “Renoir!! He’s your master!! You know him better than me! Stop him!!”
 **Renoir** “I’m... I’m Augustus.”
 **Shadow** “Renoir!!”

## Page 20

 **Raph** “Let’s settle this score, ya lowlife. Right here, right now.”