Episode 253 - Expansion

## Intro

**Episode description:**
N/A

**Opening Quote:**
**Lauren**: \*burp\* Excuse me.

**Player introduction:**
**Sean**: Hello and welcome to another episode of the Tabletop Champions podcast, I'm Sean your dungeon master and with me tonight we have Lauren who plays Ophelia...
**Lauren**: You ever feel like a plastic bag?
**Sean**: Stephanie who plays Kuviana...
**Stephanie** ***(in Ophelia's voice)***: Ahoy-hoy, darlins.
**Sean**: Oh I forgot my bit! \*crinkling sound\*
**Stephanie**: God.
**Sean**: Bet you can't eat just one.
**Matt**: I think you lost it.
**Sean**: Ben who plays Balinor...
**Ben** ***(in Balinor's voice)***: Ello ello.
**Sean**: And Matt who plays Wrath.
**Matt**: I haven't lost an arm brother, it's right over there!
**Sean**: I'm just gonna swallow this -
**Lauren**: On the werewolf map.
**Sean**: Just gonna swallow this chip.
**Lauren**: Oh boy.
**Sean**: \*seltzer can opening\* Grip it and rip it. Oh and Kyle who plays Barry Dingle. I realized I forgot -
**Kyle**: Yeah, I was like "What do I have to do to get invited to this fuckin podcast." \*seltzer can opening\* Grip it and rip it.
**Sean**: Sorry. I was like "I'm forgetting someone -"
**Kyle**: Sitting here quietly with my finger on the tab of a soda can like "Alright. Okay. Alright."
**Sean**: I was sitting the entire time like "fuck I forgot one but I can't remember who it is cause of my stupid chip bit." God these bits are ruining the podcast.
**Stephanie**: They really are, can we move on from them?
**Sean**: Yes.
**Kyle**: You say that but our old bits were worse, actually.
**Matt**: Yes.
**Stephanie**: I mean... okay, yeah, probably.
**Sean**: True.
**Stephanie**: Started thinking about it, it's like, "yeah, okay."
**Sean**: Okay, we've had some good old cringers in there.
**Kyle**: Hey, people still listen, so. I don't know why.
**Sean**: Fair. I need to stop eating these chips, I need to move them, it's bad.
**Kyle**: I will say, as the editor of the podcast, I endorse you not eating chips the whole time.
**Sean**: I have moved the chips, they are out of arm's reach.

## Episode Summary

Kuviana and Ophelia go out to their balcony, and they catch each other up with what happened since Kuviana's kidnapping. Barry stays up late tinkering, and is inspired to create a new magic object. Balinor lies awake for awhile, processing the day. Wrath paces in his bedroom, unable to sleep. Through the window, he sees a pair of blue eyes in the alley across the street. He can't make out the figure, and they turn away. He goes to investigate, but finds nothing. Kuviana goes to sleep quickly. Ophelia stays up later, but eventually falls into a fitful sleep.

**Secret Scene:** Ophelia dreams of a memory hunting in a forest clearing. Across the field, she sees the beautiful stag she's been hunting to bring food home to her family. She fires, but misses slightly, and it bounds off, gravely injured. She follows it to a clearing where the colors are hazy and muted. The stag collapses in a pool of blood, apparently dead. As she approaches to dress it, it raises its head up and gores her through the stomach. As she dies, she sees a vaguely humanoid tree-like figure with purple eyes, and gnarled branches sticking out of its back. Bats fly off it around the clearing. In a moment, it's upon her, and she sees it also has a glowing purple mouth, and two large eyes on its shoulders. Its limbs are made of twisted branches, and it has roots that dig into the ground as it steps. It has red saplike pustules on its wrists, one of which bursts. It asks her,

> “*Do you desire to live?"*
>
>
> *"Please, yes."*
>
>
> *"I give you this gift only under the terms that you will use this life to seek out the greater evil."*
>
>
> *"Promise.''*”
>
>
>
>

It digs its branches into her wound and breaks off its wrist, leaving a claw of gnarled bark and wood. The claw morphs into worms that dig into her flesh, sewing the wound shut and sealing it with a smell of decay. When the worms are done, they recede, curl up, dry out, and roll off her. Her body appears unmarked, but she can feel power flowing through her. She hears people coming, and as they reach the clearing, she wakes up.

Barry invents the Iron Bands of Binding, a rusty iron sphere measuring three inches in diameter. It appears to be a gear that has been folded over itself to form an orb.

One day they come downstairs to a crowd outside. They turn out to be hoping to be hired by the bureau, and are all holding resumes. Cynthia Oathheart shoves her way through the crowd, saying she's expected. Kuviana, having no knowledge of her previous interview and article, greets her enthusiastically, and suggests acting as if they had never met. Cynthia agrees, and says her last article is water under the bridge. Kuviana and Ophelia ask for a quick sidebar, and the Bureau discuss what to do. Ophelia suggests that Balinor and Kuviana do the interview while the rest do crowd control.

Cynthia interviews Balinor, mostly ignoring Kuviana, and he tells her about the grave mold despite Kuviana's protests that they should keep some secrets. He also says they valiantly defeated some undead at the cemetery. Cynthia praises his heroism, and asks if they will be taking up the case of Evelyn Dibblebeck's missing ring. She gives Balinor the paper to read about the case, flirts a little more, and before she leaves tells him that Councilmember Everset will be by with a thank you today.

Meanwhile, Ophelia goes out with Welsh to talk to the applicants. She introduces Wrath and Barry as her associates. Barry is surprised, having thought of himself as an applicant. A halfling demonstrates his dexterity and sleight of hand, and introduces himself as Alfred T. Pennywinkle. Ophelia asks for a powerful healer, and an old woman steps out of the crowd, saying she's practiced the healing arts for 70 years. She was trained by the best in Haven and all across the land. She points at Wrath and says he's cursed, and Wrath asks to discuss it in private. Barry uses a rudimentary but powerful vacuum to collect the resumes quickly (along with various hats), shredding half of them in the process. Ophelia, Wrath, and the healer, Agnes, go inside. Agnes says she used to practice at the temples when the gods were around, but she didn't use their power to heal, and after they vanished she trained people across the land in agnostic healing. She agrees to heal Wrath and prove her skill, if she is hired upon her success. Her house was destroyed so she needs to move in, but Ophelia says she'll need to check with everyone.

Agnes says Wrath will not wish to even think of returning to the place he is healed, and recommends doing it in the room of whichever of his friends he likes the least. Ophelia offers her room. They tie Wrath to the bed and dim the lights. Agnes sprinkles white dust over Wrath with an incantation, and it bursts into flame, burning on Wrath's skin. Fur begins to grow on his arms. Agnes tells him to fight it and pulls a jar out of a pouch. She pulls at the fur and rips free what looks like a haggard wolf with bright blue eyes. It begins running around the room as Wrath falls unconscious. Barry catches it with his vacuum, which luckily doesn't shred it, and contains it in a jar. Agnes says Wrath needs to consume its flesh to gain its power, and gain power over it. Barry slips out. Ophelia drips some of its blood into Wrath's mouth. Wrath regains consciousness, feeling as strong as he was before. The creature in the jar is still active, and angry.

Agnes says she requires 10 gold a week, room and board, and a place for her cat. Ophelia asks Welsh if they have a spare room, and Welsh says if there was a spare room he'd be happy to take it - the desk gets a little cramped sometimes. There's a knock at the door. Wrath asks for the creature in the jar, but Ophelia is reluctant to hand it over. She agrees they can kill it after they deal with whoever's at the door. Welsh admits Councilman Everset, flanked by guards. He thanks them again for his son and says he wishes to invest in their company. He gives them the deed to a property he owns in the business district of Ivyplace. It is at least three times the size of their current establishment and comes with a butler. He requests that they keep him apprised of their exploits. Balinor looks over the deed and sees no legal trickery, so Ophelia signs and it is notarized. Councilman Everset tells them there is a coach outside that will take them there.

Wrath, Ophelia, and Barry go downstairs and Barry and Wrath smash the wolf creature with a hammer. Then everyone goes to the new property, Barry towing an unbelievable amount of junk. The new building is huge and topped with a beautiful glass dome. Inside it is immaculate, with statues and marble floors. As they look around, they see a small robot-like creature cleaning something. He stops and says,

> “*Hi, I'm - well, I can't remember who I am.*”
>
>
>

He bows, and on his finger they see a blue sapphire ring.

## Memorable Quotes

**Sean**: It was a pretty packed full 24 hours. You lost your job today. You should be ashamed of yourself.

**Kyle**: Toodles!
**Sean**: You're a liar Kyle.
**Kyle**: I am.

**Ben**: What was it, Sean, was it lichen?
**Sean**: Yeah. Grave mold.
**Stephanie**: It was goo.
**Sean**: It was grave mold.
**Stephanie**: Grave mother fucking goo.

**Sean**: What I need you to do is roll me a d20, and if you roll a 5 or less the vacuum does bad things.

**Agnes**: Bring it over to him. We must have him consume the flesh.
**Matt**: Wait what?

## Trivia

* Rules of the podcast:

1. Stay in character.
2. No correct boat terms.
3. No chips at the table.
4. If you're gonna poop during the podcast you have to be in a onesie.
5. Keep a pee bucket.
6. All units of measurement are in nautical miles.
7. Nothing is more important to destroying Sean's idea of how many episodes an arc will take than distractions such as making rules for TTC. Or actually planning.
8. The rules are made up and the points don't matter.

* Last episode the party reached five renown points, so things will happen over the next few weeks that put them in a more advantageous position.
* Iron bands of binding: You can use an action to speak the command word and throw it at a huge or smaller creature you see within 60 feet. As the sphere moves through the air it opens into a tangle of metal bands. You make a ranged attack and on a hit, the target is restrained until you take a bonus action to speak the command word to release it.
* Agnes cast Greater Restoration but in a very fun way.
* Agnes and Alfred T. Pennywinkle were introduced this episode.

### Stats

(DM)
(Balinor)
(Wrath)
(Ophelia)
(Kuviana)
 **Nat 20s** | 0
 **Nat 1s** | 0