Episode 36: Globe Hole

https://globehell.libsyn.com/

## Episode Summary

The worlds garbage has become such a problem, but what if there is a simple solution right in front of us that could solve all our problems? Its called Globe Hole and you can't have sex with it, its a hole for garbage.

## Idea Details

* Idea: Globe Hole
* Creator of idea: Drew
* Purpose of idea: This topic! This topic this week! This week! 5 things 5 things 5 things! (Josiah: "5 things!") 5 things 5 things 5 things! (Josiah: "The Johnson File? But I barely know her - I barely know his son File - Phil.") 5 elements 5 elements! Uh carnival. (Josiah: "Um I'm the boy who works in the carnival and I'm also the bearded lady.") The Joker has arrived at the carnival and he's got a gun loaded, he's firing it at you. (Josiah: "I'm don't mind because I had some cotton candy - that's all I wanted to do before I died from the Joker.") Um Batman uh stops him anyways but you're killed by the bullets. So, everybody listen to this entire video and we'll see if you can guess what this episode is all about. Although I already kind of said what it's about. Also the name of the episode. (Josiah: "I think I know.") But do the listeners? (Josiah: "What do you think at home? Write in at if you're listening, write in what it's a. What do you think the episode is about that you clicked on and are listening to?") Yeah. Don't look at the title of the episode. Or the description. (Josiah: "And don't write in when you've already listened to the whole thing, just write in right now. We'll know that you listened too far if you put uh if you know the password, then we'll know that you listened too far, so you need to make sure that you don't know what the password is before you -") We're gonna give the password right after this video. (Josiah: "So if you know it and you say it, then we know that you're cheating. You need to guess what the episode's about before you know the password.") Any guessers? (Josiah: "I mean, I know, but I'm kind of a little bit cheating cause I see what it says on the screen. A real hot topic this week! We've covered a lot of ground already and there's a lot more to come!") That's true! We talked about the Royal Family, we talked about improv. (Josiah: "We talked about suck-toy dog.") Okay. Well anyways - (Josiah: "So here's the password. What's the password?") The password. The password is uh. Well what's a good password? I don't wanna give mine away. (Josiah: "Like your actual password? For your computer?") Yeah. Yeah. (Josiah: "Well I already know yours and I think it's not a good enough password that you need to change it anyways, so let's give it away right now. It's 'NastyPorn0'. So that's the password.") Yeah. NastyPorn0. (Josiah: "So if you know that now, it's too late to guess what the episode's about cause it's very clearly about waste.") Trash. (Josiah: "So why are you talking to me about trash, aka your uh thoughts, I already -") Hey! Hey! Don't say that. (Josiah: "Drew's idea this week of course is trash because it's from the garbage dump of his head.") Come on. That's a cheap joke. This is why we don't do improv, usually, for the show, cause it makes you - (Josiah: "We get too just fired up, start cracking too many jokes. Too sharp.") Yeah, yeah, exactly. This is too much. Anyways, Josiah, we all know that trash is such a big problem, plastic's such a big problem - (Josiah: "Just look at your uh - just look at your timeline. And you'll know that trash is -") Yeah because I've been RTing you. Yeah? (Josiah: "And look at your Instagram because uh plastic is a problem because you're fake!") What's that supposed to - like physically I'm fake? Or just my personality. (Josiah: "You're fake, you're plastic, you're just a shiny plastic people fake plastic tree. What's the song? Shiny plake plastic tree?") Shany - it's called Shany - Shany uh - (Josiah: "So you don't like plastic is what you're sayin.") Well, no, what I'm saying is I love plastic, but what do you do with it when you're finished with it? And you put it in the trash - (Josiah: "And what do you mean 'when you're finished with it'? Like what do you - when you say you're finished with something, we've established what you do with dogs earlier, you're f-") No. That was improv, Josiah. For example, if I were to buy uh - (Josiah: "Let's say you have a real doll that you just no matter how much you clean it, it is just a rancid mess of plastic flesh. What would you do with it?") You would just stick it in the trash. That's where the garbage goes. And where does the garbage go after that? It goes to the dump. And where does it go after that? Well nowhere. It just sits in the dump, Josiah. The trash seeps into the groundwater, everybody gets sick from drinking the water, essentially all of our children die from drinking the water and bathing into it, and these are just some of the things that have been happening around the United States, mostly, because of deregulation of trash heaps, but in Canada also we're having this issue and I think there is an easy way that we could quickly and efficiently and cleanly get rid of all garbage and plastic in the world and that solution is the Globe Hole. (Josiah: "The what, sorry? The Globe - the Globe Poll?") It's the Globe Hole, Josiah. (Josiah: "Globe Poll. Poll?") Yeah. So it's kind of - (Josiah: "Like we're voting? A poll?") No: Globe Hole. (Josiah: "Globepoll. Globe -") Yeah. It's almost like you're s- (Josiah: "Glow Bowl?") No, Globe Hole. G-L-O-B-Eee. (Josiah: "G-L-O-B?") Hey, Joellee! Hey, Joellee! (Josiah: "Globe Hole! Globe Hole! Globe Hole Globe Hole Globe Hole! Globe Hole!") G-L-O-B-Eee. (Josiah: "Globe Hole! Globe Hole Globe Hole Globe Hole!") Oh, Joellee! (Josiah: "Okay, Globe Hole! Globe Oh - Glo He- Globe He- Globe Hole. The Globe Hell Globe Hole. To stop global. Warning. Warming.") Yeah and let's just get into why plastic and garbage is so bad for the environment.
* Timetable: Globe Hole will be pretty easy to implement. You could just put a nuclear bomb in the ground and blow it up or just dig. The eternal flame is like the Olympic torch or the flame on top of Calgary Tower, so you just have to put a flame like that at the bottom of the hole, then put a gigantic cigarette filter over the top of the hole.
* Idea details:
	+ Globe Hole will get rid of all garbage, which will help with pollution.
	+ Globe Hole will be a very large hole in the ground that can be easily filled up with garbage, plastic, all sorts of waste, human waste, and dead bodies.
	+ There will be an eternal flame put into the hole to incinerate all the garbage. While this sounds like a bad idea, it was inspired by children burning masks at an anti-mask protest.
	+ Globe Hole will be too big to fuck. Any similarity with the name 'glory hole' is purely coincidental. Drew also said he is not going to fuck Globe Hole, though he added that he cannot promise it, saying that it is a foolish thing to make promises.
	+ There will always be people around at Globe Hole because it will be the only place in the world to bring your garbage.
	+ World Wide Train (noun) will have splinter trains dedicated to bringing garbage to Globe Hole. You don't necessarily have to ride World Wide Train with your garbage, you could just deposit it on there or leave it on the curb and the splinter train will go and dump it in Globe Hole. But you do have the option to ride with your garbage on its way to get dumped in the hole if you want.
	+ Globe Hole will be at least as deep as the Grand Canyon.
	+ There will be guards with machine guns to guard Globe Hole and make sure nobody gets too close to it with an amorous look in their eye.
	+ By putting all the garbage in the world in one spot, all the pollution in the world will also be in one spot.
		- Note: It is unclear what this means for the stipulation given in Episode 3: World Wide Rainforest that you can throw your garbage on the ground freely, as well as the stipulation given in Episode 4: World Wide Potluck that you can throw your dishes into the ocean. Presumably those freedoms have been overridden by Globe Hole and you are now required to send your garbage on a World Wide Train (noun) splinter train to be dumped into Globe Hole.
	+ The eternal flame will be like the Olympic torch or the flame on top of the Calgary Tower, except it will be at the bottom of Globe Hole.
	+ There will be a gigantic cigarette filter on top of Globe Hole, which will get rid of all the bad toxins that's being emitted from all the burnt trash, and the good smoke will come out. And that good smoke you can let out into the atmosphere and it will safely disperse.
	+ There will still be garbagepeople, but now they will instead be loading garbage onto the World Wide Train (noun) and not onto a garbage truck.
	+ The World Wide Train (noun) splinter trains that are dedicated to bringing garbage to dump into Globe Hole will be shaped like garbage trucks.
	+ There will be a huge tax for benefiting from the use of Globe Hole.
	+ More garbage will need to be created so the eternal flame in Globe Hole can keep burning.

## Devil Play

* Josiah asked if people could choose what kind of gigantic cigarette filter would be on top of Globe Hole, like a Camel Crush or a menthol, or if it has to be standard. He went on to ask how they make sure people aren't smoking on the filter with wet lips and making it turn all black.
	+ Drew clarified that people aren't gonna be able to get up close to the heat because of the guards with machine guns.

## Notable Events

* Josiah's internet was a bit choppy at the beginning of the episode.
* Drew cracked a cold one at the beginning of the episode.
* Josiah and Drew watched a Canadian improv games video called "Improv Warmups and Exercises (Quick demos)". Josiah and Drew discussed some of the improv games they played, including Rapid Fire Freeze, WordBall, Knight Mount Cavalier, 5 things, Count to 21, Flock Dance, Trifecta, HotSpot, Corridors, Whoosh Woah, Turning Circle, 5 Elements, Stakes Circle, and Johnson File.
* Josiah and Drew played 5 things. Their 5 things games were:
	+ Wifes (Josiah suggestion, Drew listing)
		1. Angela from *The Office*
		2. Pam from *The Office*
	+ 5 Types of Horses (Drew suggestion, Josiah listing)
		1. Centaur
		2. Horsie
		3. Cow
		4. Sex worker (like a whores)
		5. Stallion
* Josiah and Drew played HotSpot.
* Josiah and Drew played Stakes Circle. They listened to the first four stakes of the dog named in the video and then improvved the fifth stake of the dog. Their fifth stake of the dogs were:
	+ Drew: I killed it.
	+ Josiah: I was going to become that dog.
	+ Drew: That dog's my suck-off toy.
	+ Josiah: I was fucking that dog when I disappeared. It just disappeared while I was fucking it.
* Josiah and Drew played Johnson File. Their Johnson File game was as follows:
	+ Josiah: Okay Drew, here's the Johnson File and I hand you the uh invisible folder that is known to be the Johnson File.
	+ Drew: So this is my next mission? This is who you want me to kill, Mr. Johnson? What's he's done? Gimme some more info. I don't just kill anybody. I'm a hitman with a heart of gold and I only kill bad guys. So if you really want me to take him out, give me the goods. Let me check out this file and open it up. It seems like he's a fuckin terrorist.
	+ Josiah: Well you misunderstood that it's his - he's - he's um - it's not a man, it's the sun that only shines on people named John. It's the John Sun and you don't have to kill it but you have to - there's um globe hell warming happening for people named John only and you need to prevent the UV rays from hurting them globehelly.
	+ Drew: It says that also uh there's such a huge issue with the amount of trash on the planet.
	+ Josiah: It says that in the John Sun File?
	+ Drew: Yeah, that's what it says at the bottom and on the back too. It goes on even more.
	+ Josiah: It feels like you're doing - ooooohhhhhh - segue! Segue! A segue, segue, segue! It's time for the episode! Segue time! Come on everybody, don't be alarmed when we talk about the topic now! Drew is here! So Drew, what's happenin this week on the show!
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Trash Sound Effects All Sounds" and implored listeners to guess what the episode would be about based on the sounds. Listeners were instructed to make their guesses before finishing the episode. Josiah and Drew would know if the listeners were cheating because they said they would give a password right after the video and so if you know the password then they'll know you're cheating so you need to make sure that you don't know what the password is before you make your guess. Josiah and Drew also implored listeners to guess what some of the sound effects were. Josiah provided a hint that it was related to physical media. At the end of the video, they confirmed the password is NastyPorn0, which Josiah revealed was also Drew's personal computer password.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Here's Why Plastic Is SO MUCH Worse Than You Think!".
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Advantages and Disadvantages of Waste Incineration | WELS (Waterpedia Environmental Learning Series)".
* Josiah and Drew listened to his favorite song *Garbage Fire* by Sheeple, which is about 2020.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "10 Garbage Trucks | Carl's Car Wash Kids Song" and sang along together.
* Josiah and Drew watched a compilation of garbage truck dumping videos.

## Notable Quotes

### Josiah

* "[In response to Drew's question about whether water can come in a can] It can."
* "Oprah Uma."
* "[On the topic of people trying to abolish *The Crown*] What does that even mean? I mean, other TV shows they try to get canceled, and I don't mean cancel culture, I mean they try to get a show canceled, but now with *The Crown* they say, 'Abolish *The Crown'* like they're trying to update - it's just on Netflix. They don't cancel anything!"
* "Oprah Uma."
* "[On the topic of what Oprah did for Tom Cruise] She jacked him off?"
* "[On the topic of Oprah backing Tom Cruise into a corner] And the only way out was couch! She backed him into a corner, the only way out was couch. And that's the thing, and sometimes it's good to go on couch if you're doing a therapy, but other times if you're on the TV, it's no good to go on couch, as we've learned from Tom Cruise. Ruined his life!"
* "They all kinda look like they're jacking off dicks everywhere."
* "5 things!"
* "5 things! 5 things 5 things 5 things! 5 things!"
* "I love lamp. I love lamp also."
* "[Doing an offensive Italian accent] This is how you make-a the spaghetti."
* "[Giving a fifth stake of the dog] I was fucking that dog when I disappeared. It just disappeared while I was fucking it.
* "Well you misunderstood that it's his - he's - he's um - it's not a man, it's the sun that only shines on people named John. It's the John Sun and you don't have to kill it but you have to - there's um globe hell warming happening for people named John only and you need to prevent the UV rays from hurting them globehelly."
* "We talked about suck-toy dog."
* "So why are you talking to me about trash, aka your uh thoughts, I already -"
* "Drew's idea this week of course is trash because it's from the garbage dump of his head."
* "Just look at your uh - just look at your timeline. And you'll know that trash is. And look at your Instagram because uh plastic is a problem because you're fake! You're fake, you're plastic, you're just a shiny plastic people fake plastic tree. What's the song? Shiny plake plastic tree?"
* "The what, sorry? The Globe - the Globe Poll?"
* "Globe Poll. Poll? Like we're voting? A poll?"
* "Globepoll. Globe - Glow Bowl?"
* "G-L-O-B?"
* "Globe Hole! Globe Hole! Globe Hole Globe Hole Globe Hole! Globe Hole! Globe Hole! Globe Hole Globe Hole Globe Hole!"
* "Okay, Globe Hole! Globe Oh - Glo He- Globe He- Globe Hole. The Globe Hell Globe Hole. To stop global. Warning. Warming."
* "I like plastic!"
* "You were saying that it's puts the - that it kills - that all of our children have died and I was thinking that - at first I was thinking that statistic seems a little bit extreme, a little bit hyperbolic, but then I reali- then I looked around me and I don't have children and so I believe you that all of the children have died because I don't have any children. Do you?"
* "The rock-hard data uh who's kind of a male squirter, as well."
* "So the rock-hard data of this is that - you're saying that and the scientists are saying that the reason that a landfill or a garbage dump is bad is because it's too much of a pile that goes up into the air and then we need to breathe that air and the pile is too high. So you're saying it's better for the garbage pile to go down because then it won't be in the air anymore. So the main issue is that it's too high up in the air."
* "So what you're kind of saying is that modern life and culture is a bit of a gar- a bit of a dumpster fire. You want it to be a bit of a dumpster garbage fi- a garbage fire."
* "So, okay, so you're saying we're gonna put all the garbage in a hole - and I guess my first question about Globe Hole is just - because I'm talking to you, I feel like I need to just ask you - and I don't want you to take offense to this, please, I just wanna - normally this is where I would say I'm playing devil, but this is actually kinda more just me asking you mano e mano: are you gonna fuck the hole?"
* "[In response to Drew saying Globe Hole will be too big to fuck] Are you sure? I just wanna make sure that you're not gonna sort of, you know, build the hole and then be like, 'Oh, there's also a valve! That happens to be made of silicone! And uh it's mad mad fuckable see, oh, because of the science!'."
* "So you're not gonna fuck the gar- the Globe Hole is not a Glorb - Glorby Hole - Glory - a Glory Gl- Glory Globe Hole."
* "[In response to Drew saying he would not promise to not fuck Globe Hole because making promises is a slippery slope to a life without freedom] It's literally a slippery slope. That's why I'm worried you're gonna be fuckin that hole and slip into the garbage and get burned alive by the eternal flame! And then the next Drew's gonna come along and see that hole -"
* "\*Whispering\* Are you hoping that people will watch you fuck the hole? You wanna be caught in the act?"
* "[In response to Drew saying there will be guards with machine guns to guard Globe Hole and make sure nobody gets too close to it with an amorous look in their eye] So you're kind of now hoping, because you can't make the promise, you'd like to create sort of a stopgap to prevent yourself from going to town on that hole."
* "[In response to Drew saying he would give the Globe Hole a wide berth] Well hopefully the Globe Hole won't be forced to give a wide 'birth' after what you do to it."
* "Okay but I'm just guessing - now I'm starting to think you don't wanna fuck the hole but you do wanna actually inhale it and smoke it."
* "Do you think that the - this is more of a sort of cultural question, I guess - do you think that the Globe Hole cigarette filter garbage dump uh earthen pile will change the discourse when people are talking about politics are they gonna say, you know, '2021 is a global - a Globe Hole fire eternal flame', '2021 is a fuckable cigarette pile trash'? Or, you know, are they gonna start saying these things or are they gonna stick with saying dumpster fire?"

### Drew

* "We should break the internet one day."
* "[In response to Josiah's question about what he thinks about Oprah Meghan Harry] Well it's a very difficult situation uh over there. You have to feel sorry for uh - well I don't know where the - I guess that's where it would be. That's where they live. Um. No, I think you have to look at uh all all perspecsives and think about the princesses and think about the queen and think about uh the different kings and the different the different uhh dutches and uh lordships and because it's - it's become such such a hot topic nowadays the Royal Family uh you can't touch it with a 12-foot pole without everybody uh comin and saying either, 'Oh um abolish *The Crown*' or 'Abolish -'."
* "And Oprah's no saint either. Um she's uh - she's uh - she's done uh - well just think about what she did for Tom Cruise. She made him look like a fool. On live television. I don't know if it was live, it probably wasn't live. She got him into a question - she got him into a - she got him - she's a tough journalist, and I get it. She backed him into a corner, and he made a fool of himself."
* "Carl, you piece of shit."
* "5 things!"
* "5 things! 5 things 5 things 5 things! 5 things!"
* "Two! One two one two one two! Three!"
* "Three! One two three! Four!"
* "[Giving a fifth stake of the dog] I killed it."
* "[Giving another fifth stake of the dog] That dog's my suck-off toy."
* "So this is my next mission? This is who you want me to kill, Mr. Johnson? What's he's done? Gimme some more info. I don't just kill anybody. I'm a hitman with a heart of gold and I only kill bad guys. So if you really want me to take him out, give me the goods. Let me check out this file and open it up. It seems like he's a fuckin terrorist."
* "This topic! This topic this week! This week! 5 things 5 things 5 things!"
* " Shany - it's called Shany - Shany uh -"
* "[In response to Josiah's question about what he would do with a real doll that no matter how much he cleans it, it is just a rancid mess of plastic flesh] You would just stick it in the trash. That's where the garbage goes. And where does the garbage go after that? It goes to the dump. And where does it go after that? Well nowhere. It just sits in the dump, Josiah. The trash seeps into the groundwater, everybody gets sick from drinking the water, essentially all of our children die from drinking the water and bathing into it, and these are just some of the things that have been happening around the United States, mostly, because of deregulation of trash heaps, but in Canada also we're having this issue and I think there is an easy way that we could quickly and efficiently and cleanly get rid of all garbage and plastic in the world and that solution is the Globe Hole."
* "G-L-O-B-Eee. Hey, Joellee! Hey, Joellee! G-L-O-B-Eee. Oh, Joellee!"
* "[In response to Josiah's question about whether he has any children] No. Not that I know of, heh."
* "Imagine if that was a kid."
* "[In response to Josiah's question about whether he is going to fuck Globe Hole] It's gonna be too big. There's no way to fuck it."
* "No, I'm not gonna fuck any holes."
* "A Globey - Globey Hole. Globe Hole. Globey - wait that's the name - Globey Hole. Oh, yeah. it does sound a little bit like glory hole."
* "[In response to Josiah requesting that he formally promise to not fuck Globe Hole] I can't - I can't do - I cannot do that. I cannot promise that. I'm not going to. Because I just - I think it's a foolish thing to do to make promises. Cause you might not -"
* "[In response to Josiah's accusation that Drew would not promise to not fuck Globe Hole because he wanted to keep his options open] Well, no! No! That's not what it's about! That's not what it's about! That's not what it's about. It's about - it's about - it's about knowing that I have the freedom to live my life however I want and I don't have a bunch of, you know, promises that I have to always be thinking about."
* "[In response to Josiah saying he didn't need to make a bunch of promises, but rather that he just had to make one promise: to not fuck Globe Hole] Yeah, but that's a slippery slope! It's a slippery slope."
* "Making promises - it's a fool's game. Because you're basically saying that I cannot, you know, I no longer have the freedom to do X or Y. Or I have to do - I have to do this. And I don't think it's a healthy way to live your life, I think you have to have freedom. Even if it's not - even if it's not something that you're gonna do."
* "[In response to Josiah asking if he hopes that people will watch him fuck Globe Hole] No! That's not what - no! There's - that's not gonna be - that's not gonna happen! Cause I'm not doin that. But I can't promise that I won't."
* "[In response to Josiah saying Drew wanted to create a stopgap to prevent himself from fucking Globe Hole] Well, Josiah, look, this is the Globe Hole. I presume that I'm gonna be able to go wherever I want. This is - it's my - I created it. But I'm not going to be going wherever I want. I'm gonna be uh giving a wide berth. And I'm not going to fuck it."
* "[In response to Josiah guessing that he wants to smoke Globe Hole] I do want - I do wanna smoke it. I do wanna smoke the hole. It's gonna be great. It's gonna be like smoking a garbage can. But 20 times that."
* "And it would uh, I don't know - if I'm strong enough, then I'll hold the smoke into my lungs for 30 seconds and I'll ascend."
* "[In response to Josiah's question about how long it will take before Globe Hole is implemented] Well, I think it's - it's should be pretty easily to - pretty easy to do. Pretty easy to implement. I think you could just put uh like a nuclear bomb in the ground and blow it up or just dig a -"

## Trivia

* This is the second idea of Drew's to involve smoking more as a result of alleviating environmental hazards, after Episode 3: World Wide Rainforest.
* In Episode 12: World Wide Anthem Featuring Mr. Worldwide Nate Ruess., Nate Ruess suggested an idea called World Wide Fireplace that was immediately shot down by Josiah and Drew because it was too similar to something they already had planned. Nate Ruess countered that it would be a gilded fireplace that would relate to the golden child, the World Wide Landlord.
	+ Note: It is possible that Josiah and Drew were thinking of Globe Hole when they rejected Nate Ruess's World Wide Fireplace idea, though this has not been confirmed.
* It was discussed in Episode 15: World Wide Beer with special guest Tom that Josiah and Drew desired the creation of extra waste because they were planning a future episode where they would create a garbage wife for Drew after his previously betrothed World Wife took her own life upon her creation and discovering her fate. In this episode, Drew could not promise that he would not try to fuck Globe Hole, which is ironic given this seeming similarity between the two when considering that he did not fuck World Wife either.