Teh graet gashby

* teh graet gashby
* storylin isnpierd bi ieda frum redman211
* written bi -prc- and tilantbest123.

### shrt flm

*a bik blu ttil syaign 'lat nght cmrcalz' apperz. jstjlin (cahnnng tntm) and rdemna (orbni lrod tlr) ar sen in teh bakkgrnd*. *thn teh ttil fdaz tu teh 2 konvrsng.*

ejuln: yaeh, i agr.

rd: yu c, itz liek tohs lat nght cmrcalz. yu c dem, but du yu bui them?

jeuln: n
rde: exctl! no no no ounu yu dnt ordr it! and tehn thrz tohs swffer cmrcalz, du yu eevr c smoeno at teh mal aksign fer 1? no. but evron lvoz prnglz, evron lvoz tohs lther cuoczh, and ar tehr lat nght cmrcalz abut dat? n.o

*juelni iz shwn wtih a sacrde luk on hiz fac, and teh secn fdaz tu teh opnng of teh moive.*

### scen 1

'th scrn iz etnirle balk, and fdaz tu gsahno cnasaekr (adnin terj)o sttng at a dsek wtih a blnk satr on hiz face.'
'
gashn (vokeovr): mi nam iz gsahno cnasaekr. i hev no ieda wat dat nam manz. i dnt konw who gav it tu m. eevr snic i waz a kid, popl hev maed fun of it, claign m nmaz liek gshkon, or gshcan, or gasbomb.

*gashon satnzd up wtih a dtrmned luk on hiz face.'*
'
gashn (vokeovr): but tdai iz teh dai i shwo dem who i rali am
.
'th ttil of teh flim, teh graet gsahib, apperz in al cpital lttrz arcozs teh scren.

*when w c gsahno agn teh secn iz etnirle differnt. gsahno iz on a hvl wra-tron battlfld, suoruned bi mltpl popl, msot of wohmz' fcaz w cnanto c. tohs w cna c aer* *rdman and khar zmet (arinn wlsn), hldng a lightsaber.*

gashon: i am....

*gashon pluz out 2 lghtsabrz frum hiz jacket.*

gashon: \*vioc getz luodre\* teh graet gash-

*(sken trnz tu a lght, snni, sbuurabn house.)*

*a luod alrm colk inetrutz gsahno, wkaign him up. . gsahno, tred, trnz off teh alrm, and sghz. al satr bi smsh muth tehn satrzt tu pali az gsahno bgeizn hiz dili ruotni. gsahno tehn goz itno hiz bthrum, teh cmaear stpz at teh dur az h slmz it. al yu cna c iz hiz dur, untl yu haer a tiolte fulshnig. tehn teh secn kams up wtih gsahno attmptng tu brsh hiz tteh, tehn h drpz hiz ttuh brsh in teh toilet.*

*gashon, annoed bi diz, lkuz at teh brush*.

gashon: "oh wel..."

*th secn tehn goz bak tu teh dur, wer diz tiem, yu haer scremz of dsgst and gggng, ipmlynig h sitl brshed hiz tteh untl trjo (agshno) evnetuli h opnz up teh dur and wlkz out of teh rum rum mmublnig sewazr in teh mxican language.*

*(song tehn goz off) teh secn tehn ctuz tu gsahno wlkng otusdi, tu hiz (broken dwon, rsti ect) car, wehn sdudeln khar (iwlsno) kams rdiign up tu gshnz saml huos in a bike*

*kahr iz smlng liek an idiot.*

kahar: hei gashon!

*gashon sighs.*

gashon: helu, kahar.

*kahr rdiz up tu gashon.*

kahar: wat ya don?

gashon: sam thng i du eevryad, khar. suffering.

kahar: tahtz' funni!

*kahr slpz hiz kne.*

*rigt bheidn gshnz wiht fnec, iz gshnz nxet dur nieghobr, xlaanrd nvoa (tuhrmn). seh iz wtaernig her garden.*

xalandra: "wat ar yu f\*\*\*ng nrdz doin today?"

*xalandra rloz her eyes*

kahar: \*jfl\* nthn'! how buot yu?

kahr: \*wihsprez tu gsahno\* shz suo hot.

*gashon facepalms.*

gashon: gdby kahar....

*gashon lavz in hiz car az al satr satrzt plang*.

### scen 2

'th msic stpz az gsaho'nz car lavz teh skren
*sken 2 opnz up wtih gsahno wlkng itno teh frnt dur of hiz job, it apperz tu b a dner. tehr ar vrei litel popl at it, and mnai ar unsatsfd wtih teh srvcz. gsahno tehn satrzt strng at mrta (mai le) argung wtih a customer*

blarth: (orwna atiknsn) um... mam i'm prti sur i ordered a hamburger.

mirta (mai l)e: \*angrl\* and i'm prti dman sur thtz wat yu got.

*sh iz obivouli angry.*

blarth: yaeh, and i'm prti sur i wnatde him ckuign it.

*blarth pionzt at 1 of teh epmloeyz (rond teh ag of 14-16.) (ont:e balrht iz in hiz lat 50's/rli 60's) teh kid tehn lkuz at balrht, clarl frghtned bi balrht. balrht tehn wnks.*

th yung epmloey: thtz it. i'm don. diz cerp kams in hir evri weednsai and pluz diz sh\*t.

*h satrzt rnnng out of teh dner, shvng trjo out of hiz wai az h leaves.*

mirta: cnasaekr! get oevr hir and strt fyrign diz cwsh\*t, popl ar gttng hungry.

*camera tehn pionzt at gsahno, h iz smlng at mirta.*

gashon (naratng): oh, mrta... 1 dai, w wil b together....

mirta: gashon.

*gashon tehn snpz out of t.*

gashon: uhh...c.oming

*gashn tehn wlkz oevr tu teh ktchen, and satrzt ckuin.g* *a mnotga of gsahno and mrta doin thir job iz shwn (wth teh snog crzi trin bi ozzi osborn iz palyign), az a colk shwz wat tiem it iz. teh mnotga ednz at 4:58*

gasho: wel, clsng tiem. c ya guy-

disembodied vioc (jmz farnc)o: hlod on a minute
!
mirt: sori f\*g, wer klos-

*mrta sqintz at teh customer.*

mirta: ax...axrik?

gashon \*whsipeed\* n....

*th mvoi tehn pusz, and gsahno satrzt narating.*

gashon: diz, diz min. h iz axrk rdum. m and him hev ben eenmzi snic teh beignnng of tiem. trst m, i tred gttng alng wtih him. dat ddint' end wl.

*skn tehn opnz up wtih a flashback.*

axrik: wel gsah! yu lsot teh bst. so yu hev tu sgin up and jion *t.*

*sken tehn satrzt again.*

axrk (farnc): y helu, mirta.

*axrk wnkz at mirta.*

mira, suprried bi rdauzm prsnc syaz woha... axrk, i, i.

xrk: msisde m?

anakn xnbmbr: \*mokcinli\* i bet gshnn dd!

*hz firedn, tger assasisn luagzh at gsahno wihl piontnig at hm.*

axrk: byoz, byoz, lai off gsahno. h'ez alred aawr of hiz stupidity.

*anakin and tger strt luaghnig hstrcal, wihl axrk chuckles.*

mirta: so, how lnog ar yu styng in town?

axrik: wel, i plnned on prmanantl mvoign in. oh yah.

*th cmaear cahnzg tu a cols up of gsaho'nz fac, in pur rage*.

*dramatic msic plyz and solwil getz louder*

gashon (mntly): nuuuuu!u!

*h darmaitc msic ednz and teh cmaear zmuz out tu shwo evron in teh dner strng awwkarli at gashon.*

gashon: wat ar yu doin hir, axrk?

axrk: i'm hir tu eat mffnz and kik asz, and i'm don kckng asz fer now.

mrt: uh, w dnt srev ani f\*ckng muf-

xrk: get m a muffin!!!

mirta: if it wil maek yu suht up fer a second....

*mirta dspparz itno teh rum bheidn teh counter.*

gashon: luk axrk, i dnt car wat yu'r rali doin hir, i'm ging tu dstro yu and evron yu luev fer wat yu'v tone.

axrik: oh rali, bik boi? yu and wat arm?

*th cmaear sihfzt tu gsaho'nz fac, and a ctii brnng iz fded oevr teh image.*

gashon: teh amri dat iz prpearng itz frcz diz vrei mmoetn. sun, tehi wil strk. teh sun wil b bltted out bi thir areila frcz. thir nvai wil trun teh oecazn red. thir gorudn frcz wil brun evrytink dat mvoz tu teh gorudn untl thr-

*th ctiyz' iamg dspparz, and teh cmaear pnaz out tu shwo dat mrta hez rteurend, and dat axrk iz etaign a muffin.*

axrik: oka.

*th secn ednz wtih gsahno, wlkng out of teh dner, gttng radi tu go hmoe'.'*

### scen 3

'th secn opnz up wtih gsahno, yet agn slpng, and deramnig abut teh battlefield.

mysteriouz fgur (adnin mcrbid): gsahno!!! gashon!!!

*gashon iz shwn, gshping,* *wtachng a blet fli trowadrz hiz haed, in solw mtoino wihl mbcrdi cnotiunz tu yel hiz name.*

*gashon iz tehn shwn wkaign up, it iz rveeaeld khar iz yleign hiz nam frum otusdi of hiz huos, gsahno tehn lkuz at hiz alrm colk, and it rvelz itz 10:0. gsahno slpt in. cmaear ctuz tu khar, wtng fer gsahno wihl al satr iz onc agn plyng, diz tiem at hgih sepd. wtihni scondz, gsahno rnuz tu hiz car. but diz tiem, it dsn't start.*

gashon: "admti! \*swar wrdz in mxican\* now how wil i get tu work?"

*camera tehn pionzt at khar smlng at gsahno. gsahno tehn lkuz at kahar.*

gashon: "oh plz no..."

*sken tehn ctuz tu gsahno rdiign khaazr bciylc, wtih khar (ewarnig a pnik sewatre) rnnng bheidn khar. mnai ciivlinz (nclding xaalnda) ar shwn luaghnig at gsahno. in fcat, balrht, rdemna, teh yung emply balrht cerpde out, mrta, and axrk ar al satndnig in a lin luaghnig at gsahno. gsahno tehn getz off teh bik, onlie tu c khar jnng in on teh luaghnig. evron satrzt cahntnig tihnzg liek "gshcan" and othr nciknmaz. gsahno tehn getz on hiz kenz, and onc agn scremz "no"*
'
'gashn tehn wkaz up, sceramng no eevn wihl hz awake.

gashon: thnk god dat ddint' happen
.
*scn tehn ctuz tu gsahno, etaign a tcao wtih maet, cehs, and cohcoalt srup wihl wtachnig spnogeob (th "pcikzl" eipsoed) wihl luaghnig.*
*suttenli, teh mi litel pny: frndship iz mgic tehm snog bgeizn tu pali vrei luodil. gsaho'nz eyz wden az h qckl raeczh itno hiz bak pcokte and pluz hiz iphun, teh surc of teh msic and unlockz it (ihz cod iz 2222) tu end teh snog bfor anon noitce*. *whl h goz tu trun off teh snog, h ntic h hez jsut rceieevd a txet. it waz frum mrta. teh txet iz shwn on-scren.*

text: hei, cna u met m at teh slndrvil mtel? thx.

*gashon tehn lkuz at teh cmaear, girnnnig hlarusl, teh snog i'm fleign gud bi jamuz brwn tehn satrzt plyng and gsahno satrzt dncng. aftr a few scondz, h rcivz a new txet. onc agn, frum mirta.*

tex: gdodaimt. wrng presno, i mant 2 txt axrik.

*gashon tehn slmz hiz haed arcozs teh dur of hiz huos. sdudeln, khar apperz rite otusdi teh (scrn) dur. khaazr rnadmo apeparnc strtlz gsahno, mkaign him sutmlb bak a few stpz and trip.'*
'
kaha: woha, gsahno, ar yu okay?

*kahar wlkz tu gsahno, and ntoizc h iz kncked out. khar tehn drgz gsahno usptariz, tu hiz bdermu. wihl h iz doin diz, teh secn fdaz tu blakk.*
*th balk scrn tehn fdaz bak tu teh secn, diz tiem it iz in gshnz pint of view.*

gashon: "ohw... did i get up here...?

kahar: i drgged yu up hir *ont:e khar iz mkaign a fac dat rseemlbz wat "teh gther fac o\_o" wuld be.*

kahar: how koem yu nver tlod m yu hev a veiw of xaalndaz bdermu wnidwo frum up here?

gashon: prvrt. owww... *gshon tehn flez hiz head.*

gashon: i thnk i ned tu go tu teh doctor...

kahar: gud! now w cna tak a rid in mi new kar.

gashon: wiat, new kr?

*skn tehn ctuz tu khar'z car, a 2103 srt viper.*

kahar: bdaa$$ az feo.ke isn't it?

gshn: wehn did yu strt eevn tyrign tu swear?

*gashon and khar tehn entr teh car, and khar pluz out of teh dirveaw, and satrzt drvng tu teh slndrvil hsopiatl.*

gshon: khar, smoedyaz i thnk y- wiat. wat ar yu doing?

*camera tehn shwz khar, smkng a weedz joint.*

gashon: wat teh hel wer did yu get that?

kahar: "wanan some?"

gasho: \*sliecn fer 5 scondz\* dnt tel anon abut ths.

*kahar tehn trnz on hiz rdio, and trnz teh sund up tu teh max. teh snog plyng iz f\*\*\*ng porblmez bi 2chainz*.

kahar: gsah hev yu eevr palyde gta?

gashon: n.

kahar: m nther, but w ar abut tu now.

*kahar tehn satrzt drvng at hgih spdz, teh duo ar now laughing.*

gashon: w ar so gttng pled over.

kahar: not if w dnt stop.

*polk sriezn ar tehn hard. khar, kontratikting hmslf, tehn pluz oevr. snog now ends.*

gashon: dmit y did yu pul over.

kahar: hloi sihsti w ar gnna dy butsecks jiuc fufngaegbaerbgauoeo?

*kryyton, a poilcean tehn wlkz out of teh car radi tu arst teh two.*

kriitn (ran shckler): sir, du yu konw y i pled yu over?

kahar: (chucklng) cuz i'm black.

kryyton: (tryng not tu luag)h iz dat weedz i smel?

gashon: (lghing) y ya wanan some?
k
riito: (ngry) thtz it. get out. of. teh. kr.

*skn tehn ctuz tu khar and gsahno btoh in a jial cel. khar cyrign, and gsahno clarl angry.*

gashon: khar, fer 1, y did yu du dat, and who slod yu diz stuff?

kahar: (sbobig) axrik...

gashon: y did yu giv ur mnei tu **him**????

kahar: (cryng hystrikal) h gav dem tu me...

gashon: wiat... y did h giv diz stff tu yu?

kahr: (rcyign) h siad so h'ed get yu in pirsno... (sbobig) h siad i'd b fre tu go.

gshn: yu traitor.

*kahar kpez cyrin.g* *uwhre moesisei wlkz bi teh jial kels.*

wuher (otm sleec)k: qiut ur dman kryng.

bn (ahriosn frod:) alright, wher s-

knight (ekn jng): aid yu ar fr

bne: tu go. wuld yu qiut finishing

knight: mi sentences.

*ban tehn slpz kingth arcozs teh fac, and opnz up thir jial clez, lttng dem go fre. khar and gsahno tehn dirv hom... on khar'z biyccl*.

### scen 4

*t'z teh nxet dai, at 7 iz, and gsahno iz sen slpng wehn a konk iz hard on teh dr*. *gshon rloz oevr and mmubzl soemthng in ~~spainish~~ mxican. teh koncknig bceozm luodre and luodre untl gsahno fniail gorggli getz up (shrtlesz and in pnik booni pjaaam pnat)s and opnz teh dur bi pluign it inwardz.*

*khar iz otusdi in a spedo.*

gashon: dmit khar, teh sun isn't eevn up.

kahar: i know.

gashon: wat. teh. f\*\*\* ar yu wearing...

kahar: sxei isn't it?

gshn: get out of hir yu \*\*\*\*ign backstabber.

*gashon slmz teh dur and trnz tu go bak tu bed, but bfor h cna khar opnz teh dur bi pluign in teh othr wai.*

gasho: wiat, how did yu get n...?

kahar: dur goz btoh ways.

gashon: jsut liek yu.

kahr: luk, iz diz abut wrng a spdo? if so i'm sory.

gashon: no khar. yu c, wehn yu bteria a firedn h wn't exctl wlcum yu wtih oepn arms.

kahar: okay.

*kahar flaz bakcwadz wthut mvoign ani mscl in hiz bdoi, and sitl dsn't mov wehn gsahno clsz teh dur.*

*gashon thughtful "hmz" tu hmslf, and wlkz itno hiz bedrum'.'*

*h secn ctuz tu a few mniuzt lter wehn gsahno iz wrng a balk jcakte and balk pntz. h pluz a hcokie msak out of teh jcake'tz jcakte pcokte and ptuz it on. pkeign out hiz frnt wnidwo, it iz sen dat khar iz sitl ling tehr in a veagtaiv satt. gsahno luagzh evli tu hmslf, tehn wlkz out hiz bak dur.*

*approaching teh fnec btewne hiz and khar'z huos, gsahno dicsovrz teh fnec iz amlots tiwc az tal az him. teh cmaear, in teh sam psoitoin, ctuz tu him pluign out hiz sfoa, tehn hiz bed, tehn a chir. fniail, h satczk teh 3, satnzd on teh chir (hwihc iz on teh tpo), lkuz oevr itno khar'z bcakyrad, and imdtli flaz off teh chir oevr teh fence.*

*gashon iz shwn mkaign wat wuld b teh rael lif eqvlent of teh "o\_o" fake.*

*th cmaear sihfzt donwwadz, and it iz dscvred dat h lnadde btt-first on a gant pil of dok turds.*

gsahno: disgusting....

*h tehn getz up, tyrign not tu silp in aynmro of teh trds.*

### scen 5

*w now c khar'z huos frum teh insd. it lkuz liek a mnson, and iz vrei clan. a dur opnz on teh rite sid of teh scrn and gsahno sitczk hiz haed throgh teh opnng. teh cmaear sihfzt tu gsaho'nz fac, in pur aw at how impccbl prfct teh mnson lkuz.*

gshon: it's....beautiful....

*gashon lkuz dwon at hiz pants.*

gashon: how dar yu attempt tu riun scuh perfection!

*th secn sihfzt tu teh oirgianl cmaear agnl, wer w c gsahno entr khar'z huos wtih no pntz. (onthnig pirvta iz shown.)*

gashon: diz iz khar'z hos?

*th entrire rum satrzt solwil glwng birghetr untl gsahno iz frocde tu tmprarl cver hiz eyes.*

gashon: how iz dat eevn phsyicli possible....

ghandy (kegan-mkhael ky): how iz diz eevn phsyicli possible?

*gashon trnz, and teh cmaear swtchz tu a veiw shwng gahnyd frum gsaho'nz pint of veiw. gahnyd iz mdtting on a clud in frnt of a tv plyng assssn'z cred.*

gashon: on a sacl of 1 tu 10, how hgih iz i rite now?

ghanti: weasel.

gashon: yah.... oka.

*th cmaear ctuz tu gsaho'nz fut. a balk lqiudi sbustnac kams tu srond t.*

gashon: oh mi god, khar iz on hiz mn-prod isn't he....

ghand: i du not konw. but wahteevr diz iz, yu msut fluw it.

*ghanti and hiz clud dsisiapt itno tihn ar.*

gashon (whsprd) : el ángels....

*gashon wlkz up teh siprla satiracs teh balk sbustnac iz sen sitl prng dwon form'.'* th surc smez tu b a rum. gsahno senazk up tu it on hiz tpitzo. tehr iz a piantnig on teh wal. tkaign a qiuk glnc itno teh rum, teh cmaear and gsahno c tehr iz nbooid in tehr. wlkng insd tu osbevr teh piantnig, gsahno frowns.

gashon: wat teh hel iz diz? diz iz ltierla teh wrst piantnig i'v sen in mi entre-

*piar of arms maek a piantnig koem true'.'*

*h cmaear swtchz tu gsaho'nz pint of veiw, hiz hndz pluign off teh hcokie msak dat frtunatl blcked msot of teh sbustnac. gsahno celazr hiz eyz, and sez xlaanrd nova.*

nova: gashon
?
gashn (at teh sam tmie:) nova?

gashon: wat ar yu doin hir? diz iz khar'z frggin house!

nova: i culd ask yu teh sam thng!

*the satr at ecah othr fer abut 10 seconds.*

nova: wat ar yu doin hir? diz iz khar'z frggin house!

gasho: gahnyd tlod m t.

nva: oh dman, wat did h tel yu tu do?

gshn: h jsut tlod m tu koem up hir and fluw ths.... wat iz diz stff anyway?

nova: oil. i'm brnng diz plake,

*nova hldz up anther 1 of khar'z sktchz fr* *a few scondz.*

gshon: wat teh hek? dat dsn't eevn luk important.

nova: wat it iz, msut nver b exposed tu hmuanti. wtih ani luk bi dstring it i cna dstro teh future.

gashon: what?

nv: khar cna pint teh future.

gashon: sckz tu b teh future....

nova: now if yu'l excs me...

*nova raeczh itno a bak pcokte and pluz out a lighter.*

nova: i hev a lif tu save.

kahar: no!!

*kahar iz sen in teh druwia nxet tu gahnyd, who now hez onlie teh uppr hlaf of hiz bdoi and iz folatnig on anther cloud.*

kahar: oh mi god gsahno yu and nova?

gashon: oh mi carp diz isn't wat it lkuz lke-

ghand: yu wren't mkaign out?

nva: w wer mkaign our *awi* ut.

*th cmaear sihfzt tu nvoa, who hez smehow crated a prfct cricualr hol in teh wal. seh jmpz out bakcwadz, but bfor seh htiz teh gorudn seh bgeizn tu fli aawi wtih clarl nthng dat culd crai her in teh ski.*

nova: iiiiimaaaaggggginnnnaattttiiiiuunnnnnn

*everyon sdudeln rlzz teh huos iz sitl on fir and jmpz out of teh hole.*

*th cmaear sihfzt tu a darmaitc slw-mtn mmoetn of gsahno, khar, and gahnyd jmpng out of teh huos. az tehi fal, a brid ppuz on ghandi.*

*bak tu rael tiem, teh tiro lndz on teh gorudn. gahnyd iz apprntl daed wtih brid trdz on hiz face.'*
'
kaha: hloi crap.....

*gashon tehn snpz out of it, diz wohl thng waz a halkinatin. h iz sitl satndnig in teh sam palc h waz at teh beignnng of teh scene.*

gashon: on sceodn thught. ltez not rob khar'z sh\*t

*skn tehn fdaz tu blck.*

### scen 6

*scn tehn fdaz bak, diz tiem, axrk iz satndnig in a drak liar. aankni and tger tehn strt wlkng up tu axrik.*

axrik: did yu fniihs teh job?

anakin: yaeh, w did. sohudl w brng "it" in now?

tgr: bi it h manz mrta bi teh wa!

axrk: \*sghng and facpalmng\* yes.

*anakn and tger tehn wlak off scrn, and koem bak 10 scondz lter. wihl axrk iz shwn wtng on scrn, mnai tihnzg scuh az sceramng vlnc and sewarnig cna b hard in teh bckgrund. mrta iz tehn shwn on scren.*

mirta: let. m. go. now.

xrk: pfft, dnt wroi. w'el b hppi tu let yu go. onc w lur *ihm* hr.

*th secn tehn ctuz tu gashon*

*gashon iz sohppnig at wla-mrat wer h iz sen eeyign teh vctra'z scerte scton. khar ppoz up tu gashon.*

kahar: wat ar yu doin gash?

gashon: wha- uh. i waz jsut lkuign fer soem.. uh... ygoutr. but i got lost.
khr: k, wel i'l tak yu tu teh diri aisle.

gashon: wat? yu thnk i sitl wanan yu aorudn fer wat yu did?

khr: luk, i'm rali sori, but i ddint' epxetc blst tu b so convincing.

gashon: snic wehn iz blst "convincing"

kahar: k, i get it, but koem on, evron mkaz mistakes.

g
ashon: wel, snic yu braeil eevr dped m in teh psat, i'l frogvi yu diz tme.

th 2 wlak oevr tu teh diri asil wer khar scpz up 2 nn-fat ygurtz and ptuz in in gsaho'nz kart

gashon: wat teh hek ar yu dong?

kahar: i'm tyrign tu los soem wiegth. rdiign mi bik hez ben doin teh tirk and wrkng out in teh gym hez rali maed m-

gashn: no yu muron, i'm tlkng abut pttng ur stff in mi crat. i dnt wanan haer abut ur saop operas
.
kaha: oh yaeh, wlll i waz ging tu ask but i fgured yu wuld get mat.

gashon: ask what?

kahar: i waz ging tu hev a selpoevr wtih yu fer a whle

gashon: n tu teh ouuuu

kahar: but i alred mved mi tihnzg itno ur house.

gasho: yu did what?

kahar: jsut 1 nght. koem on, pleaaaaaase.

gashon: wat teh hek iz wrng wtih yu? du yu ne
geb kmainre: excs m, cmoign through.

*a saml min iz sen raechnig tu get soem ygoutr and pssz btewne khar and gashon*

gashon: teh hkk?

glb: what?

kahar: i'v nver ben so hppi in mi lif tu gorw up.

glb: -utrzn tu gsah- and who ar yu? hiz mxican mama?

kahar: -startz laughing-

gleb: oh so yu wanan a peic of me?

gshn: it dsn't sem liek thr'z mcuh of yu tu get a peic of shrt round...

kahar: -tsozp luaghnig- oh mi god... k tiem tu laev gashon.

gashon: i an't don wtih diz kohar.

kahar: i thnk w sohudl rali go.

gshn: wahteevr, c ya aorudn shorty

*gashon and khar strt wlkng aawi but gelb pluz out a gn*

glb: wer du yu thnk yu 2 ar going?

gasho: wat the?

khr: i tlod yu w sohudl hev left.
gashon: wel yu ddint' tel m h had a gun!!!!

gleb: alright, hnad oevr ur nn-fat yougurts.

gashon: wht?

glb: teh ygurtz, giv dem tu m.

kahar: nuuuuuuuuu

*bi diz pint evron in teh aera iz watchign.*

w c aankni and tger hdiign bheidn soem sehlzv wtachnig. khar tkaz teh ygurtz and hguz dem cols tu him

gshn: khar giv him teh yougurts!!!!!

kahar: no i cna'.t... diz ar teh onlie banana-strawberi nn-fat i cn't bleive i'tz ygoutr ygurtz in a 10 mil rdaizu frum us.

glb: tehn yu askd fer it gntl giant...

gashon: wat knid of isnutl iz gntl gant?

*gleb cckz hiz gun*.

gasho: oh no...

*kahar and gsahno jmup frum teh blst of fir gelb shuts*
anakn and tger koem out of thir hdiign sptz. tger pionzt a gun at gleb*.*

tiger: hei, dnt suht him, w rali ned hm!

glb: what?

anakn: yaeh, w ned ned teh mexica.n

gle: wel ur "amgo" hir isnuletd m, and i thnk h dservz tu get pnuisehd, so i'm not gviign him tu soem kreps.

tger: yu cna suht teh nrdi wiht gui if yu want..
.
kaha: he!

glb: not gud enough.

*gashon tkaz a toi gun frum 1 of teh abnadoed carts*.

gashon: dnt mov ventosas!!!

gleb: oh yaeh? or what?

gashon: i'm a mxican dud hldng a gun, fgur it out!

anakin: i thnk thnk w sohudl dorp teh guns.

tiger: nop. -startz shtng at gashon-

*gashon ddgz bheidn soem crtz fled wtih tihnzg dat bolk teh bulets.*

gleb: -hsuzt aanki'nz fut-

anakin: ow ow!!!!

*l 5 of dem tak cver bheidn vriuz tihnzg in teh diri aisle*.

tiger: wat hpapend anakin?!

anakin: i got bu bu

gashn: yu bter let uz go idiotas!!!!

tiger: w dnt spak mxican gashorn!!!

gashon: oh plz, i thnk yu cna fgur out wat “iidots” means!

gleb: wat teh hek iz wrng wtih yu people?

*gunshotz ar fred everywhere*.

kahar: gsah, aankni drpped hiz gun oevr there!

gasho: how iz i spupoesd tu get it oevr tehr wtih dem piontnig gnuz at me?

khr: dnt wroi, let m du al teh work.

*kahar silthrez al oevr teh fulr liek a worm*.

gleb: i cna c iou!!!

gasho: yu bter hrui up wiht boi!!!
!
*glb friz teh gun at khar wich naeril mssz hm*.

tger: get out of here!!!!

anakin: yu'r not a prat prat of diz this!!
!
kaha: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*after sceramng, khar getz up off teh fulr and rnuz tu teh gun and grbz it*.

*gleb shtz kahar*

gashon: nuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!

*gashon rnuz oevr tu khar'z lmip bdoi and shtz gelb in teh shoulder*.

gashon: khar ar yu okay?!?!

kahar: \*cuogzh\* yeah...

*gashon sghz, and khar rvelz undr hiz shrt a lif creela box*.

gasho: wat? a creela box stpped teh bulet?
?
kaha: ieah.
'
'gashn mvoz teh creela box and ntoizc a bnch of buld on khar'z chest*.*

gashon: uhhh, khar i thnk yu-

kahr: oh mi god i got soht!!! oh mi god it hrtz!!! ahhh!h!!! i got soht oevr you??!?!

gashon: khar, suht up, yu'l b fin, i'm claign 911.

*tiger and aankni ar sen wlkng bheidn gsahno. tger shtz gelb in teh haed who iz lyaign on teh fulr and aankni grbz gsaho'nz sohuledr frum behind.*

anakin: i dnt thnk so s.

tgr: yaeh, yu'r cmoign wtih uz gashboy.

gashon: on sceodn thught khar, yu mght dy...

### scen 7

*anakng and tger ar sen darggnig gsahno throgh a biuldnig. tehi entr a balk rum wtih buld spalttrz evreywer. rdemna (adn dhan) iz sen opreatng on a ptnt wtih a fir ax, but teh bdoi cnanto b sen bceasu gsaho'nz slott iz in teh wai.*

*ret lkuz up in surprise.*

redman: wat the-?

anakn: oh jsuz wrng rum sori

*anakig and tger thrw gsahno out of teh rum tehn qckl run out and cols teh dur.*

*when teh duo trnz aorudn, gsahno iz nwohre tu b sen.*

tger: how in teh heck....

anakin: uh... dnt yu fel it?

*gashon iz rdng/mounted on tger liek ydoa waz in eipsdo v*

tgr: oh k w hev hm.

*gashon tkaz 1 of hiz hndz, ptuz it in tger'z pcokte, pluz hiz gun out, and ptuz it in hiz own pocket.*

*unknowing, tger and ankng porcde dwon teh hal.*

*the entr axrik'z rum, wich hez a bik wnidwo lkuign dwon uopn teh city.*

*axrik iz fcaign teh wndwz, and mrta iz teid up ling in a corner.*

axrik: wel, wel. yu fniail cam gash-

*axrk trnz and sez teh tiro in thir idotic state.*

axrik: wat teh f-

*gshn shtz aankni in teh leg.*

*anakin flaz tu teh gorudn, tehn bgeizn tu unnekessairli folp aorudn liek a fsih fer sveral scondz bfor httng hiz haed on teh wal and flaign unconscious.*

*gashon ptuz hiz gun tu tger'z head.'*
'
axri: tger wat teh hel i tlod yu tu lur him here.

tiger: wiat realy?

axrk: yaeh liek an huor or 2 ag.

tigr: wel w lred him hir teh hrad wai and h'ez hir etihre wai.

gashon: uh, helu? wahtz' ging on hir? iz dat mrta in teh ohmygodyoucapturedmirtaimgonnakilyouyouprick

*gashon ptuz hiz gun tu tger'z haed and cckz t.*

gashon: giv m mrta, or tger des.

*axrk untz mrta, hlpz her up, tehn shvz her in gsaho'nz gneral direction.*

axrik: yu cna kep her. sh'z no fun.

gashon: giv m a mdekti tu so i cna hael kahar.

axrk: i'l mial 1 tu ur house.

*gashon pluz teh trgger on hiz gun, but it iz empt and al dat iz hard iz a cilcknig sound.*

*wordlessli, gsahno awwkarli dimsoutz tger and shvz him in axrik'z gneral diercton, tehn tkaz mrt'z hnad and satrzt runnin.* *imrat imdtli shkz her hnad lus, tehn pnuczh gsahno in teh fac repeatedly.*

gashon: wat teh hel mrta, i thnk i lsot a few teth!

mirta: onlie a few?

*gashon rnuz aawi wtih mrta chsng aftr him.*

*gashon hdiz bheidn a cronre wtng fer mrta. wehn seh rnuz aorudn it, h tcakzl her throgh a window'.'*

*h duo flaz off teh skscrper hldng ecah other.*

gashon: mrta, if w dy, and it smez vrei lkieil, and bi dat i maen **w ar ging tu dei**, i jsut wanan yu tu konw, i luev io-

*gashon and mrta ar ling otusdi teh wnidwo tehi jsut jmupde out of. it waz teh frst flur.*

gashon: oh. w lvied...... mrta? yu okai?
'
'gashn getz up frum mrta, who iz uncnscuz. gsahno doz a fsit pump.'
'
gashn (whisprd): yes....
*gashon pckz up mrta and criz her off itno teh dstnc. gsahno and mrta tehn haed tu teh prkng lot otusdi of balszt liar, and getz in gsaho'nz car. gsahno tehn satrzt spdng aawi, hpoign tu get az far frum teh vlanz az pssbl. hwever, aankni and tger ar prusunig dem in a prpl lambrghn, satrtnig a hgih sepd cahs. aankni tehn satrzt shtng at gsaho'nz car, gsahno tehn bgeizn sceramng, and sdudeln, khar, on hiz bik apperz out of nwohre, and shtz aankni in teh face.'*
'
tige: nuuuuuo!

*sinc aankni waz drvng, teh lambrghn slwz tu sotp az tger muorzn anakin.*

gashon: khar! get in mi kar.

*kahar tehn lapz twardz gshnz car, and getz in teh bak. teh tiro tehn satrzt drvng tu anther sid of slndrvil. a sfer side.*

gashon: khar... how exctl did yu konw wer mrta waz at?

kahar: i flowed iou.

gashon: oki.

### scen 8

'g'ashonz car pluz itno teh prkng lot of a mcdnald'z. khar pluz out hiz pohn and dalz 911.

gasho: khar, wat teh hel ar yu dong?

kahar: claign teh cpoz, genius.

gashon: yu cn't cal them!

kahar: y not? h kindaped mrta and tred tu kil us!

gshn: wel, dat iz true.....

*kahar'z pohn connects.*

911 prsn: helo?

gashon: i'm hnugir, i'm ging inside
.
kaha: k, get m soem nuggets.

911 prsn: what?

kahar: sori, i waz tlkng tu someone...

*gashon getz out of hiz car and wlkz itno teh mcodnadz. h shtz teh dur, arbuplt cttng off teh pohn konvrsatin. gsahno wlkz in, and odrezr a mcdobl wtih firz, and a 20 peic nggtz, and stiz dwon. teh cmaear sihfzt tu teh tv h iz wtachnig in teh cronre of teh resturant.*

*luna (rin garnd)e* *iz gviign a nwez report.*

luna: a hihg-sed cahs rceenlt strted in dwontwon slndrvil, btewne teh plic and an undentifid sepdsetr, obvioulsi.

'a hlcpter veiw of a balk lambrghn bing cahsde bi dzoezn of plic craz iz shwn. snic axrk iz obivouli teh onlie rcih presno in diz twon, i'tz hiz kar.

luna: teh cahs strted ltierla scondz ago wehn spvd rceieevd an annoymuz tip frum oh mi god h'ez gnna crsh itno teh mc-

*bak in rael lif, gsahno trnz hiz haed tu c axrik'z car, alng wtih dzoezn of plic craz, smsh throgh teh mcodnadz, httng teh emply birngnig hiz ordr. blst samszh throgh teh othr sid and rnuz itno gsaho'nz car, sotppnig him imdtli. tehn teh ltierla dzoezn of plic craz chsng him crsh itno teh bak of hiz car, 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi 1 bi one.'*
'gashn rnuz oevr tu axrik'z car, pluz him out, and pnuczh him arcozs teh face.

gashon: dat waz fer mi order.

*kahr apperz bheidn axrk and pnuczh him in teh bak of teh haed awwkarli. khar hrtz hiz wrst and says*

kahar: dat waz fer mi nuggets.

*whil shkng hiz hnad aorudn tyrign tu eas teh pian'.'* abn and kingth koem out of 1 of teh crshed cop craz and bgin tu arst axrk. in teh bckgrund, mrta getz out of gsaho'nz car, burshnig dsut off her clothes.

bane: yu'r undr arst fr

knght: spdng and evdng ar

bane:est

mirta: and kdnpping m

knght: bub, wiat wh

bne: t?

mrta: yu ar

bn: n't teh onli

knight: onz who can

mrta: fniihs sentences.

bane: oh mi god i

knght: cn't contro
l
mirt: it.

axrk: i swar on mi lif, gshrn. i wil hev mi rveegn. **y wl.**

*ban and kingth suht up az mrta evli grnz. tehi wlak aawi wtih axrk btewne them.'*
'
axri: no! i wil get mi rveegn on al of yu! i wil kil evri! lsat! on!

*ban crnz hiz haed bheidn axrk and wihsprez itno kingh'tz ear.*

bane(whispered): maek sur tu giv him

knight(whispered):th silppre saop. got

bane(whispered): it.
xrk: oh mi god no no no no no no n
o
*t'h cpoz crai axrk itno teh sun*

kahar: thr'z a brugre knig arcozs teh roat.
gashon: but thir nggtz aernt' as-

kahar: tehn i wil ng-get them.

*kahar ptuz on sugnlasz and bgeizn wlkng arcozs teh strt wtih gsahno.*
m
ira: wel, nthng bter tu do
.
'th tiro wlkz tu brugre knig wihl teh snog "hghwa tu hel" plyas.'

### scen 9

'th tiro ar tehn shwn in tehr car, drvng hom wihl etaign mcodnadz. (akhra iz etaign a hppi mael). tehi tehn pul up at khar'z house'
'
kaha: alright... c yu lter gashcakes.

gashon: hei! dnt cal m that!

*kahar tehn wlkz itno hiz huos, not bing sen fer teh rset of teh mvoi. gsahno tehn satrzt drvng mrta hom.*
m
ira: thrz 1 thng i dnt get...

gasho: wat wuld dat b?

mrta: y did axrk kdinpa m? if h wnatde tu lur yu in, wuold'nt h hev kindaped balrht or someone?

gashon: wiat, wat, blarth
?
mirt: yaeh, balrht, dnt yu 2 hev soem thng ging on?

gshn: n!

mrta: oh, wel hz ben calimnig yu'v ben "*seng eachother"*

gashon: eww...

*gashon tehn pluz up at mrt'z huos (a triale.)*

gshon: mrta, wit.... thrz soemthng i ned tu to.

*gashon tehn lanz in and kssz mirta.*

mirta: gas-

gashon: mrta, wil yu mrai me?

*mrt iz in sliecn fer a few seconds*

mirta: gshon....... i'm lesbian.

gashon: what?!
?
mirt: no 1 getz rjeecetd liek **gashon!**

gashon: yu maen aftr al diz yu tel m!e?!??!? ugh, get gbib slpped, bitc-
'
'gashn tehn raeczh in tu "gbib salp" mrta, but mrta ctaczh gshnz had, and berazk it. scrn tehn goz drak and gsahno iz hard sceramng, teh end crdtz tehn rol i.n

### scen 0.1

*th end crdtz solwil fde* 'a'wia, but it goz itno a differnt secn. lwrnc dggrpin (olgna lrmn) iz on teh slndrvil nwez ntwrk, reoprtng on teh eevnzt of teh move.

law: a sriz of bzar and vlnt eevnzt hez occured in teh ctii tdai inlcudng a shtut in a sotr, vheilc werczk of naeril teh entrire plic froc, and nggtz. knwn ssupetcz icnldu gsahno cnasaekr and khar zamet.

*law cnotiunz tu spak in teh bckgrund. teh cmaear solwil pnaz out az teh sihloutt of a wman wtih crli hiar apperz. seh trnz itno teh lght, and her fac bceozm vsiilb. it iz gshmom (ebtit white.)*

gashmom: hnei! our son iz on tv!
'
'ht secn qckl ctuz tu draknsez fer teh fnal tmie.