My Father's a Homo/Everyone Tells Jason to see a Psychiatrist

**My Father's a Homo/Everyone Tells Jason to see a Psychiatrist** is the fifth song in act one of Falsettos. It follows Marvin at the Psychiatrist - A Three-Part Mini Opera, and is followed by This Had Better Come to a Stop.

## My Father's a Homo/Everyone Tells Jason to see a Psychiatrist

### Albums

Falsettos (2016 Broadway Cast Recording)March of the Falsettos

### Previous Song

Marvin at the Psychiatrist - A Three-Part Mini Opera

### Sung By

Anthony Rosenthal - (Jason) Stephanie J. Block - (Trina) Christian Borle - (Marvin) Andrew Rannells - (Whizzer)

## Lyrics

**My Father's a Homo**

[JASON]

My father's a homo

My mother's not thrilled at all

Father homo:

What about chromosomes?

Do they carry?

Will they carry?

Who's the homo now?

My father said that one day I'll grow up to be president

And that idea's not so wild

I don't live the life of a normal child

'Cause I'm too smart for my own good

And I'm too good for my sorry little life

My mother's no wife

And my father's no man

No man at all!

**Everyone Tells Jason to see a Psychiatrist**

[TRINA, spoken]

Honey, why don't you go out and play?

[JASON, spoken]

No

[TRINA]

Sweetheart, I worry

Sweetheart, I do

I worry a lot

I worry a lot

I worry a lot

(spoken)

I could take you to the Jewish center?

[JASON]

\*retching\*

[TRINA]

I think you like playing chess alone

That's not normal

[JASON]

What is normal?

[TRINA, spoken]

I wouldn't know

(sung)

Why don't you speak on the telephone

With anyone, just get a friend—

Anyone

Darling, please, see a psychiatrist

He's quite a guy

And I admire how he acts

No one is saying you're a sick neurotic

But you could find some help

Hear me out, please

Yes, you could find some help

He could help you realize

How confused you are!

Yes, it's very clear:

Daddy's sincere

But a schmo!

You and I must trust our emotions

Make no commotions

Will you go?

[JASON, spoken]

No!

[MARVIN]

Jason, please see a psychiatrist

He's just a psychiatrist

I'll pay the bill until you're old

[MARVIN/TRINA/JASON]

Jason please see ​a psychiatrist/Darling please listen to your father here. He's not a genius type but lord knows what he knows/No. I won't go.

He's just a psychiatrist/He chose a man who I think knows the answer to all your problems/I will not go

I'll pay the bill until you're older/Mendel understands what's bothering you/Never never never never never.

[JASON, spoken]

Forget it

[ALL]

What a mess this is

This family!

Experts can see

This is so!

Photographs can't capture our magic

We're simply tragic!

[MARVIN AND TRINA]

Will you go?

[JASON, spoken]

No

[MARVIN AND TRINA]

Jason, please see a psychiatrist!

He's not—

[JASON]

I won't say boo!

[MARVIN AND TRINA]

—exorbitant

And he's very smart!

[JASON]

If intelligence were the only criteria

Then I wouldn't really need a psychiatrist, would I?

[TRINA, spoken]

No

[JASON]

Would I?

[MARVIN, spoken]

No

[JASON]

Just because you failed as parents...

[TRINA]

...Get thee to a psychiatrist!

[MARVIN]

Hey, kid, listen—

[JASON]

I don't need—

[TRINA AND MARVIN]

He needs a psychiatrist!

[JASON]

I want—

[TRINA AND MARVIN]

A psychiatrist!

[JASON]

I wanna speak with Whizzer!

[MARVIN]

Speak with whom?

[JASON]

With Whizzer

[MARVIN]

With Whizzer?

[TRINA]

With Whizzer

[JASON]

With Whizzer

[MARVIN, spoken]

Oh my god

[TRINA, MARVIN & JASON]

Whizzer!

Whizzer!

Whizzer!

Whizzer!

[JASON]

Whizzer, do you think I should see a psychiatrist?

[WHIZZER]

I'm not sure, Jason

Jason, maybe so

Absolutely, Jason

[JASON]

...Okay, I'll go

[WHIZZER]

He'll go

[JASON]

I'll go

[TRINA]

He'll go!

[JASON]

If he comes here

[MARVIN]

If he comes here?

[TRINA]

He might come here

[MARVIN]

They don't make house calls

[WHIZZER]

Oh!

## Trivia

* Jason is surprisingly good at playing chess with only himself
* After Whizzer says, "I'm not sure Jason," Marvin flicks him in the head hard. After he says, "Jason maybe so," Trina nods at him furiously to indicate that he tells Jason to go, so Whizzer changes his answer one last time.