Po

Po
--

> *"Yam."*
>
> Po

**Po**, also known as Emperor Po to his constituents, as well as Polopolopowski in his past, is the primary protagonist of *The Po Chronicles*.

## History

Po was present at the time of the Eleven Commandments, and has preserved the knowledge of the lesser known eleventh Commandment: "*Thou shalt not drink from the wrong cup,*" thus fueling his negative opinion of mismatched drinks.

Po has murdered a multitude of individuals over the years, leading to him changing his identity after every murder to escape notice. Originally Polopolopowski, Po removed a single letter from his last name after every murder.

Po attended the Mind Reading Institute for a short time.

### Priesthood

Po was the Priest of Hume Hall West's First Floor's Far Side, and enjoyed sprinkling holy water on resident's doors, as well as brandishing a large wooden cross. He held Mass once. There was a momentary coup wherein Po was blockaded by several of Far Side's furniture and forced to endure the sight of his beloved cross and other, smaller crosses being turned upside-down. However, after the apparent coup, little actually changed in Far Side's religious structure.

## Skills and Interests

> "*Cheep cheep cheeep, cheep cheep cheeeep, cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheepcheepcheep, cheep cheep cheepcheep.*"
>
> Po

### Leadership

Po is quite fond of crushing his enemies with his iron fist. He was the founder and sole emperor of the Po Empire.

### Music

Po enjoys playing classical pieces on the piano and is a big fan of Chopin. He is known to spontaneously sing, play, or cheep the Legend of Zelda piece "Lost Woods."

In keeping with his Catholic shenanigans, Po enjoys playing the Memorial Acclamation ("Christ has Died...") on the piano, especially using the organ sound.

### Arts and Crafts

Po has expressed an interest in arts and crafts, although this has resulted in several altercations when others complained about the noise. The first complaint arose while Po was still in Hume West, but complaints continued into his time at Apartment 226.

### Pyromania

Po is a slight pyromaniac, constantly indulging in setting various items on fire purely out of curiosity. He has burnt or applied flame to the following:

* Candles
* Glass pieces
* Plastic toothpick
* Wood coaster
* Quarter
* Stress-relief stone
* Coca-Cola slush
* Air
* Hair
* Napkins

### Breaking and Entering

Po has a history of getting into other people's rooms unannounced. He managed to get into Christoyam's room by virtue of having a matching key, and went into several others' rooms to rearrange furniture or clothing (including Marik and Richie's room). Notably, Po broke into E and Idiot's apartment to leave a quarter as a reward for E's well-said Nobody joke. How Po managed this break-in is still unclear, but it has been confirmed that he did not corrode the lock.

### Other

Po is capable of speaking phrases in both French and Russian aside from his fluency in English. He also likes freezing stress-relief stones. Spanish is his native language, as he was born in Spain. Po occasionally speaks in a flawless country accent, much to the chagrin of Marik.

## Personality and Traits

### Friendship

Po does not treat the concept of friendship lightly, and rarely considers those he chooses to spend his time around to be his friends. Thus far, there are only seven known entities that Po considers to be his friends:

* Cankca
* Milhouse
* Joseph McCarthy
* Crocodile Gena
* George Orwell
* Barack Obama
* Michelle Obama

Though there are many people with whom Po appears to enjoy spending time, he typically refers to these people as "acquaintances."

### Dislikes

Po thoroughly despises sand in all of its forms, often calling others "Sando" as an insult. He also abhors communism and any references to it, despite his interest in learning Russian. This has resulted in some tension with 🅱️lata and Marik. He absolutely cannot stand any individual drinking a non-apple related drink in cups specifically labeled Apple (or, similarly, non-orange-related drinks from cups labeled Orange), and considers the act blasphemous.

### Catchphrases

* "Yam." (this includes inserting "yam" in words as frequently as possible)
* "Cheep cheep."
* "I'll give you 25 cents!"
* "Nothing, nothing!"
* "Eat sand, idiot."
* "My horse is getting hungry."
* "Oops, accident."
* "Oh, deary me."
* "Manza banza lemon schnanza."
* "Do it. Do it. Do it!"

#### Multilingual Catchphrases

* "Oh, deary moi."
* "Моя яблока!"
* "Спакойной полка."
* "Español es mi idioma primera."

## Relationships

### Acquaintances

#### RUIZ

RUIZ is Po's archenemy. Po met RUIZ in 2014, when RUIZ approached Po because of their common given name. The main reason that RUIZ has become Po's nemesis is because of RUIZ's red hair and black eyebrow.

#### Christoyam

Christoyam and Po lived together at Hume, and became acquainted through shenanigans. The two were influential in the spread of Catholicism on Hume West First Floor Far Side, and vehemently sought to eradicate communism from the floor. Po and Christoyam spent time together engaging in activities such as eating and scheming.

In their evangelical quests, Po and Christoyam decorated the Hume West First Floor Far Side common room with wooden crosses made from chopsticks. Further, Christoyam purchased a bible for the common room at the Friends of the Library Book Sale, and Po made holy water available to all (stored in Christoyam's I \*Heart\* Running Nalgene). One Sunday, the two organized a mass in which Po served as the priest and Christoyam served as the deacon.

In a momentary rift between the two, Christoyam, a French revolutionary, staged a coup against Po by surrounding him with furniture from the Hume West First Floor Far Side common room. During this time, chaos ensued, allowing Satanists and communists to run rampant through the floor.

After knowing each other for several months, Po, using his own keys, attempted to break into Christoyam's room at Hume. Surprisingly, the key worked, which opened the door to many opportunities for shenanigans between the two, as each was now able to enter the other's room without the correct key.

#### Nobody

Nobody was one of the first people Po met at Hume, as they were one of Po's suitemates. Nobody carries such little significance to Po that the latter does not even recognize them as an entity. Po determined this after a situation in which Nobody left their keys in their room and had to borrow Po's to enter his room.

Nobody has taken to mimicking Po's laughter, speech, and other mannerisms. Po often finds this humorous, infuriating, or a mixture of both.

#### e

Po met e in the course CHM2047, but recognized that he also lived on his floor. Together they suffered through Valeria's torments, but survived in the end.

e and Po can often be found eating or getting boba together, as Po is down for anything. There have been several instances of Po "re-frosting" chicken that he had previously defrosted so that he can go out to eat upon e's invitation. The frequency with which Po goes on outings with e has prompted the tendency of Marik to ask Po if he is going to meet e whenever he goes out at dinnertime.

#### Idiot

Po met Idiot at Hume through mutual interactions. Idiot has since become a major focus of Po's aggressions. Secretly, Idiot is the love of his life, as evident by Po's pet name for him.

### Friends

#### Cankca

Po's closest friendship is with Cankca. They spent every moment of their time together and agree on everything.

#### Milhouse

Milhouse, a character from the Simpsons, is one of Po's friends for unexplained reasons. It is thought that these reasons are unknown even to Po himself.

#### Joseph McCarthy

Po adores former Senator Joseph McCarthy for his fight against communism in the United States. He will often "call" Senator McCarthy when he suspects someone of being a communist and has adopted the practice of keeping lists of suspected communists from the former senator.

#### Crocodile Gena

Crocodile Gena, often referred to by his Russian name "Крокодил Гена" by Po, is a fictional crocodile from the film *Cheburashka* (Russian: *Чебурашка*). He sings two songs that Po enjoys called "Pust Begut Neuklyuzhe" (Russian: "Пусть Бегут Неуклюже") and "Goluboy Vagon" (Russian: "Голубой Вагон"), leading to Po's great admiration for the character.

#### George Orwell

George Orwell was the author of *1984*, Po's favorite book.

#### Barack Obama

Po bonded with Barack Obama through *Brawl Stars*, a mobile multiplayer online battle arena and third-person hero shooter video game. The two would team up for the "Power Play" competitive event, leading Po to refer to the former United States president as his "Brawl Stars Buddy."

#### Michelle Obama

Po also played Brawl Stars with former First Lady Michelle Obama.