America

America is a country in North America that eventually merged into the Ameoviet Union.

## Presidents Timeline

### George Washington

Won the war of independance, fighting with a sword made of pure brick. After the war he replaced this with a sword made of frozen blood of the King of England.

### John Adams

Killed over 160 opposing party members to have complete control over his country, but these acts were eventually discovered and he was kicked from office.

### Thomas Jefferson

Writer and guardian of the Declaration of Independance. Fought against the Coppola family to defend the document.

### James Madison

Commanded the US in the War of 1812 and was utterly, hopelessly stomped on account of the Americans having no training.

### James Monroe

Being a very poor man, James Monroe embezzled $70,000,000,000,000 in funds from the government.

### John Quincy Adams

Yeah, he was like, super corrupt, just like his dad. Somehow won 9 elections afterwards despite this.

### Andrew Jackson

Honestly, what didn't he do? Stopped over 8900 assassination attempts with only his cane. Also ran over several traitors with a train.

### Martin Van Buren

The country went all poor when he was in power, and he wasn't British so he had no support whatsoever. Died of weakness from starvation on the election day.

### William Henry Harrison

Literally only served a month before dying of the common cold.

### John Tyler

Wasn't supposed to do anything but he did because not having the government run for 3 years and 11 months would cripple the country. Also had 150 kids.

### James K. Polk

Fought and took over most of Mexico during the Mexican War. Carried over 60 pistols on him at all times.

### Zachary Taylor

Was all like "You try to use slaves and I'll kill you" which worked well until he died after 1 year of gingivitis.

### Milliard Fillmore

He was like, super, super racist. Allowed southern states to own slaves after he got in on an anti-immigrant policy.

### Franklin Pierce

Confused the North and South with contradicting political maneuvers which prevented war as nobody knew who to fight. At least I think that's why. Nobody really knows, he was really fucking good at his job.

### James Buchanan

Was all like "Oh my god you can't just go create another country just so you can have slaves there!" The South proceeded to create another country just so they could have slaves there.

### Abraham Lincoln

Oh shit, there is a lot to unpack here. This hulking brute of a man led the North to war with the South in order to unite the nation once more, but this time without all that slavery bullshit. He personally led the charge in the Civil War, reportedly destroying over 60 trains and killing 129,000 soldiers with his own bare hands.

### Andrew Johnson

After faking his death, Abraham Lincoln took up this identity to try to clean up the aftermath of the Civil War.

### Ulysses S. Grant

The strongest warrior in the Civil War, and best friend of Abraham Lincoln. He couldn't do jack as a politician, likely due to brain damage sustained during the war.

### Rutherford B. Hayes

Was a Russian spy who rigged the election, so he won despite only having 1 vote in the entire country, from his mom. No, he didn't even vote for himself.

### James A. Garfield

Died super fast. Was gonna make it hard to randomly give people positions, but was killed by someone who wanted a random position.

### Chester A. Arthur

Stood atop streetcars and defended people on them, killing anybody commiting assault with his tie clip. This led to the destruction of the streetcar industry.

### Grover Cleveland

Used the first RNG machines to decide when to run for president. Got rid of a lot of random, redundant programs, but apparently still liked to randomize when he ran in a redundant way.

### Benjamin Harrison

Couldn't do anything because everyone hated each other and he'd be screwed if he agreed with anyone.

### Grover Cleveland

Used the first RNG machines to decide when to run for president. Got rid of a lot of random, redundant programs, but apparently still liked to randomize when he ran in a redundant way.

### William McKinley

Fought Spain because he blamed them for the existence of mexicans. Took over some parts of Spain.

### Theodore Roosevelt

A very powerful fighter of a president, with his ability to shoot 5 rifles at once. He made the economy less shit and built some parks.

### William Howard Taft

Kept doing what Theodore Roosevelt did, for so long that he didn't make any progress whatsoever.

### Woodrow Wilson

Led the country during WW1 and created the UN.

### Warren G. Harding

Loved tea so much that he excepted bribes in it, leading to massive corruption which got him assassinated. A very sexy man. Ran several squirrel farms.

### Calvin Coolidge

Never said a single word in his entire presidency, so literally nothing changed in the government.

### Herbert C. Hoover

Worked alongside Nikola Tesla to invent electricity, lightning and magnetic forces. Spending literally every single cent the country owned on this project led to the Great Depression.

### Franklin D. Roosevelt

Fixed the Great Depression via WW2, wear he sold the gear and organs of Nazis. Led his country through the war, and was also a very powerful fighter, being able to fire 6 gatling guns at once.

### Harry S. Truman

Fought Japan at the end of WW2, using atomic fire to wipe out 99.99% of Japan's land mass. This led to a lack of nuclear weapons which gave him a disadvantage during the Korean War (Where he fought communists, starting an era of communist hating)

### Dwight D. Eisenhower

Another warrior president, he fought in WW1, WW2, the Korean War and won the Cold War temporarily, until John F. Kennedy was elected.

### John F. Kennedy

The "King of Capitalism" absolutely hated anything to do with the communists, and attempted to go to war with Russia, until Cuba threatened to destroy the US. He was eventually killed by public stoning by over 1000 homeless people.

### Lyndon B. Johnson

Get this. He replaced JFK after he was assassinated for going against Russian and Cuban communists, then goes out to fight the Vietnamese communists!

### Richard M. Nixon

A commie who ended the Vietnam War and Cold War. Finally the commie hating had stopped after a 4 president line of cappie bastards. Was fired for hiring people to break into democrat bases.

### Gerald R. Ford

Because everyone quit the government after Nixon did extremely illegal shit, he got to be president even though he was never voted into any position whatsoever.

### Jimmy Carter

Set up military presence in the Middle East to stop people from fighting, because he'd shoot them immediately. He personally had 1,630 kills to his name.

### Ronald W. Reagan

Just a straight up liar. Whenever he wanted to speak truth, he would have to speak in lies and have the other person decode it. Or that would be how it would have worked, if he ever wanted to speak truth. But he didn't.

### George H. W. Bush

Falsely believed that he had destroyed the Soviet Union, but he had really just sent them underground. Started the Gulf War, but didn't fight, because all he wanted was the oil.

### Bill Clinton

Tried to get a lot of free shit from Canada and somehow succeeded. Canada responded by sending prostitues in to convince him to cheat on his wife, which got him impeached. After 8 years. He got impeached right before the next election, where he legally couldn't be elected again. Be a little faster next time Canada.

### George W. Bush

Soon into his term, he caused the 9/11 attacks and led an army into Iraq because his fathers efforts hadn't gotten them enough oil.