The Most Amazing Quotes From Marco

## Marco (2005)

**Marco:** [*voice over*] "Nice beach, eh? This is where it all started, right on that island. Yes, that teeny tiny... well, not very little... island known as Galveston. Not the most beautiful island in America, but here is where the most delicious Mardi Gras festival takes place. Here is where the most brilliant and talented genius mastermind of espionage was born. And you wanna know who that guy is? Me."

[*The camera fixates towards some random person dressed up as Marco*]

**Marco:** [*voice over*] "No, not that guy. I meant, that other guy. Yes, that other... wait, never mind, seems like I hadn't been born yet. Oh, great."

**Bill Weathers (aka The News Reporter Guy):** "And of course protect the world's endangered species of mimes. Now, the real question here is: who... but who in this freaking world had the audacity to commit such disastrous incident? Such crimes? Such atrocities? No one knows for sure, *but we'll find out soon...*

[*The camera fixates on Marco, as if he were the one responsible for said devastating hurricane, walking on his way to McDonald's*]

**Marco:** *"*You see, I don't really need to do anything. Car dealer. Vendor. Chef. Massagist... okay, that's good enough. Cameraman. Waiter. Baby. Theme Song Guy."

[*Theme Song Guy plays Marco's theme song by Pharrell Williams*]

**Marco:** "Yeah baby... let's hit the street! Alrighty then... my turn. *FREEZE RAY! FREEZE YOU! FREEZE ME! HAHAHA.... wait!* Why am I being frozen to death? Is this one of my death traps? Why am I still talking to you?"

**Fred:** "Whom? I have no idea what you're referring to, sir."

**Marco:** "Well... you, of course. Now, please tell me something... I want my frappe already, with two Happy Meals: one for me, and one for my bro, two Astro Boys, and no extra membership fees. Okay, sounds good?"

**Fred:** "Sounds good... here you go, sir. That'll be fifty-two dollars and twenty-five cents, sir."

**Marco:** **"I said no membership fees!"**

[*Marco freezes Fred while he snaps his fingers three times to unfreeze the other customers*]

**Marco:** "Okay everyone... it's all for free! Thank you, sir! Have a nice day, sir!"

**Fred:** "You're not welcome"

**Announcer:** "Welcome to the Secret Agency Bank. What can we do for you, kid?"

**Marco:** "Kid? I'm a spy, alright."

**Announcer:** "You're still a kid, now what can we do for you? Why are you here?"

**Marco:** "Nothing. I just wanted to enter this fancy, majestic, elegant place for once. Oh. and did I forget to say the magic word? Open sesame?"

**Announcer:** "Abracadabra, you've landed in the right place, kid"

**Marco:** "*Spy!* I'm not a normal kid anymore!"

[*Marco enters through the hall, grabs his newspaper and sits down waiting for his appointment, silently reading*]

**Joe:** "Hey kid... you wanna know why I'm here? I'm here cause I also want to become the world's greatest spy..."

[*Marco stares at him, then keeps on reading his newspaper*]

**Joe:** "Well. technically that is not the case. Name's Joe. The guy who lives next door, the one who stole the party. I want to become a bad guy. I want to become the greatest supervillain this cruel hostile world will ever know. Yeah, cause I commit the biggest crimes with both skills and talent. And besides, I'm the most popular kid in the world! ***BOOYAH BABY!"***

[Marco goes at a long distance away from where Joe sits, still reading his newspaper]

**Joe:** "Ah, come on kid, don't be such a coward! I just wanted to ask you if we could be friends..."

**Announcer:** "Marco, your appointment's going to happen in thirty seconds"

**Marco:** "Good God"

[*Marco sees Joe staring awkwardly at him and freezes him*]

**Joe:** "Curse you, kid"

**Marco:** "Attention kiddos, now I would introduce you my latest and greatest devious scheme, which is of course the biggest heist of the century: we will go ahead and steal the Mega Gun... at some secret laboratory near The Woodlands. Then, my friends, with said Mega Gun, *we* are going to..."

[*Marco's kids pull off their non-lethal weaponry, one of them holding some chainsaw*]

**Marco:** "Wait, no no no... we're not gonna *defeat* someone! But instead, we're gonna throw a huge party, right now*... or maybe later,* and we'll extend it to five hours, or let's say... six hours, sounds good?"

[*The kids keep on chanting towards Marco*]

**Joaquin & Emiliano:** "Viva la fiesta! *La fiesta!*"

[*Joaquin & Emiliano clumsily throw some toy rocket up in the air as it crashes towards the stage, near where Marco is standing*]

**Marco:** "*AH!* Who did that?!"

[Brian and the kids point at each other, much to Joaquin & Emiliano's laughter and Derek's embarrassment]

Marco: **"Ha ha ha... *very funny.*** Well, anyway, today we will make history... we are going to do the impossible; something that no other human on Earth, not even Napoleon Bonaparte or Count Dracula, could have ever achieved. And, thanks to my fellow assistant Kevin..."

Kevin: "Oh, hi guys."

Marco: "And all you little supporters, ***we are going to STEAL...** pause for effect... **THE WORLD!*** And once the whole wide world sees with its very own eyes that we will rise to power, there would be no party like any other!"

**Isabella:** "Marco, are you out now? I've gotta go change!"

**Marco:** "Oh, right... just hold on for say, three seconds?"

**Isabella:** "Three seconds? I better see you changed now!"

**Marco:** [*talking to himself*] "Well, today's the day... time to show myself to everyone. And here we go..."

[*Marco slams his two bedroom doors*]

Marco: ***"HAH! YEAH BABY!"***

**Marco:** "Well, this isn't what I was expecting, but I'm pretty sure we will... wait, *what?!* Hey no, that's cheating!"

**Joe:** "HA! Now I would get to know what it is to suffer the inevitable wrath of Marco, right? Well, guess what? You are *wrong...* cause now I have the Mega Gun. And now with the ultimate Mega Gun, I will have the *power* and the *authority* to destroy your van to *pieces!* HAHAHAHAHA!"

**Marco:** **"You've got to be kidding me.."**

**Joe:** **"*BOOYAH BABY!*** *HAHAHA!"*

[*Joe shrinks Marco's Flying Van, leaving him and Joaquin & Emiliano desperate as they attempt to control the van*]

**Marco:** "Wait... what's happening?! Joaquin! Emiliano!"

[*The Flying Van is getting smaller as Marco fails to handle the van's minimized controls*]

**Marco:** "What the?! Wait, no no no... not my Flying Van!"

**Everyone:** "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH..."

**Marco:** **"Oh, *great"***

**Marco:** "Oh dang it! You know what, Fred? I'm gettin' that duck right now!"

**Fred:** "Oh sure, you hadn't even won the third round, loser! I'm very sure this duck's mine forever... besides, you're never getting that duck. You heard me and I'm gonna say it twice, *you don't get the ugly duckling*, frowny freak! HAHA!"

**Marco:** "Alrighty... after three seconds, it's my turn..."

[*Marco exposes his Fireblaster towards Fred, who gets completely burned out*]

**Marco:** ***"GET ROASTED!"***

**Joe:** [*talking to himself*] "Oh, look at that guy. Isn't he so cute? Well yeah, indeed, cause his name is Joe. Yeah, the world's most popular bad guy! ***BOOYAH BABY!*** Not like Marco, that crazy son of a... wait, what's this for? Ooh... it's my shiny television! Look at that television, and I am gonna make you teensy weensy tiny... WAHAHAHAHAHA! Get shrunk, you diminutive idiot box! What's next? Oh sure, the ugly duckling next door."

**Alondra:** "Wha?"

**Joe:** "Oh, sorry, I was referring to my plush duck in Joe's bedroom."

**Alondra:** "You better not mess up with that thing, Joe!"

**Joe:** "Okay... okay, geez... calm down, would ya? So, where is that duck? Uh... AHA! I found you... and now, you lame old duck, I'm gonna make you teeny tiny! WAHAHAHAHAHA! Booyah! Boy, what else can this do? HA! Take that!"

**Alondra:** "Joe, did you just burn my precious ragdoll?! You're gonna have to buy me a new one!"

[*Joe's shocked expression... is priceless*]

**Joe:** "No I didn't! Oh look... fish! Come here, you stupid fish! Let's play some hopscotch, okay? Now get out of the water or I'll shoot you!"

[*Joe's pet fish gets out of its bowl and Joe seems impressed*]

**Joe:** "There, that's my nice, cute little goldfish... gugugugu..."

[*The fish wags its tail violently at Joe, and Joe lets go of the fish]*

**Joe:** ***"AH! SHAME ON YOU, FISH!"***

**Marco:** "So, my dear precious little girls... what should I read to y'all before bedtime today?"

**Kimberly:** "It's not bedtime yet. How about let's read out loud... Hansel & Gretel"

**Marco:** "Um... I don't like scary stories. They beat the chills out of me."

**Fabi:** "Let's just read The Little Red Riding Hood."

**Melissa:** "The Three Little Pigs!"

**Hayley:** "Um... how about if we read..."

**Isabella:** "The Three Little Dumplings!"

**Hayley & Melissa:** "Yeah, that. Wait, what?!"

**Marco:** "Alrighty then, let's go ahead and read The Three Little Dumplings. Once upon a time... wait, why do I have to start with that line? This is not a fairy tale! Once... in the forest of eastern Dumplingville, there lived three little dumplings whom had to take care of their egg shaped parents. Why are these parents shaped like eggs anyway?"

**Kimberly:** "Just keep on reading and you'll get it by then."

**Marco:** "Okay, fine! We hadn't even gotten close to page two, gosh! They had to take care of their parents because of how fragile they were. They've gotten old, they've gotten weary, and so then off went the three brave little dumplings to search for the Great Healer of all people. However, there was this evil king of all dumplings who wanted to use the dumplings for his own greed. Hmm... how interesting. And the three little dumplings met the cynically *evil* king of all dumplings, and so then the king..."

**Isabella:** "Excuse me, *who* is the king of all dumplings?"

**Marco:** "*Well... **I AM THE DUMPLING KING! HAHAHA!"***

[*All of the girls except for Isabella & Hayley get scared*]

**Isabella:** "Are you *sure?* You're more of the king of daydreaming"

**Marco:** "Well yes, *but*... I'm still the dumpling king, right?"

**Kimberly:** "Right, continue please."

**Marco:** "And so then the king realized something good inside him. At first, the Dumpling King wanted to devour the poor dumplings, but then he reconciled with the Great Healer since he knew what he's about to do was wrong indeed. So then, the king decided to give up his hunger in favor of his new family, which of course are the three little dumplings and the two raw eggs... [*his voice softens*] and they had a nice little tea party at home. Aww... how cute."

**Isabella:** "Of course it's cute. Are we done yet?"

**Marco:** "We're done. Now they lived happily ever after and the end... bleh, bleh, bleh... now let's go to bed, shall we?"

**Kimberly:** "Um, excuse me Marco, it's not bedtime yet."

**Marco:** "Oh, right. [*Marco turns down the red curtain*] Maybe it is bedtime, see? Goodnight for now. And don't let the scary monsters devour you all... you know what I mean, right?"

**Hayley:** "Right..."

[Marco shows his friends Joe's fortress as he's about to destroy it by himself]

Marco: "There it is. Joe's fortress. Joe's sloppy fortress."

Pepe: "And what are you gonna do about it?"

Marco: "Well... I am gonna blow it up! What do you all expect?"

Isabella: "Please don't blow it up. Joe's gonna get angry at you."

Marco: "Who cares? Besides, I'm the genius here. I get to do anything that pleases me... and of course you guys"

[Marco stares at the girls, whom feel uncomforted about the situation]

Marco: "And girls"

Aileene: "Hmm... something's wrong here. You must be a..."

Marco: "Spy? Child? Narcissist?"

Aileene: "No, nothing of these. I just wanted to warn you about something"

Marco: "What? Is it something true?"

Aileene: "Um... nothing, sir."

Marco: "Well... I guess you may take a seat if you wish to apply for...."

[Marco opens up the roof to expose Joe's fortress to his friends, whom seem already impressed]

Marco: "THIS.... experiment. Now, let's go ahead and prepare the cannon, shall we?"

Aileene: "You're so weird"

Marco: "Weird? You called me *weird?* Let's see if *THIS* is *weird!"*

[Marco pulls down a lever]

Aileene: "Piranhas? Sure, of course."

Marco: "Laser blades!"

Aileene: "Ooh, I'm so *scared."*

Marco: "Slash and awe, slash and awe!"

Aileene: "Not what I wasn't expecting."

Marco: "Fire! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Aileene: "That's clichéd, sir."

Marco: "Ooh... what's this do?!"

[Marco brings up a huge chainsaw]

Aileene: "AAH... I'm still not scared, Marco."

Marco: "Um... what else can I do? Oh, this... what the? A beetle? That's new here."

Aileene: "It's actually my pet."

Marco: "Oh wow... I never knew that. Not even Mr. Beetle can save us from such booby traps!"

[Pepe & Kevin bring up Marlene's Volkswagen Beetle to the tune of "Here Comes The Sun" by The Beatles]

Aileene: "The sun is coming"

Marco: "Oh yes, the sun! Perfect cause... *THE SUN IS COMING UP?!* Nooooooooooo!*"*

Alondra: "Joe, if you don't do anything fast right now, then who will spare us?"

Marco: "Behold... your greatest enemy Marco has arrived... prepare yourselves, cause today, right this minute, both of you would get blown up to *oblivion!*"

Joe: "Who is this impostor here? Marco? I know it's you, Marco, you stupid crazy weirdo!"

Marco: "Weirdo? Hah, let's see who's the real weirdo here. Now, my dear loved Aileene, how should I eradicate them? Oh never mind, I know what to do here."

Aileene: "Are you sure this is what you're gonna do? You'll get sued by these kids"

Marco: "Well... **not on my Marco.** Now, are you ready to see the light of day?"

Aileene: "Well... of course! I'm ready now."

Marco: "Okay, listen up Joe, I am gonna blow up your tiny fortress to pieces!"

Joe: "Yeah sure, you don't know yet what it means to be a spy. Spies are just losers, they often attempt to outdo the bad guy but they FAIL!"

Marco: "**Oh, really?** The most talented and brilliant genius mastermind of espionage says that good has the sole right to overcome the bad guy!"

Joe: "Wow... you don't even know who's good and who's bad. I'm the good guy, you're the bad guy. There's nothing else like being bad, there's no such thing as being good!"

Marco: "**Whoa**... a second. I'm the good guy here, what do you expect? After all, this is my *own* movie, right kid?"

Joe: "Kid? You called me a kid?! I'm not a kid anymore, I'm the greatest bad guy the world has ever known. I don't care if this is all about you this time. Whatever the heck is being sincere to others whom you must punish *for no apparent reason!* You know what? You should go through the oven of death, where you will surely enjoy..."

Marco: "It's called justice, and it's best served for you in the microwave of DOOM!"

Aileene: "Boys, boys, you're making me tired. Can I go home now?"

Marco: "Wait, my dear, I still hadn't blown up Joe's fortress yet! Well, guess what Joe? You are about to experience the insufferable wrath of Marco right upon you by the infinite power of God!"

Marco: "Responding... responding... not responding..."

Pepe: [with megaphone] "Testing... testing... 123... testing..."

Marco: "We're responding, not testing. We don't take tests anymore. Besides, when is that darn satellite gonna blow up this thing anyway?"

Pepe: "Marco, just be patient. It's not gonna take that long for sure."

Marco: "Sorry for not being this patient, but as for now... ooh, there it goes! Now please, if you surely don't mind... *ACTIVATE THE SUNRAY!"*

[Marco laughs maniacally and Pepe presses the laser button, in which the satellite sends a huge thick laser beam upon Joe's fortress]

Joe: "What the?!"

[Joe's fortress explodes as well as the world's electrical supply; leaving a group of soccer fans, two young boys who argue over a smartphone, an anonymous hacker, an inept gamer who lost his game again, and another villain who plans to destroy Hollywood with a giant robot frustrated]

Marco: "*OH MY!"*

[Marco covers Aileene while Pepe covers himself; the explosion comes to an end, and Marco gets surprised]

Marco: "Whoa... I can't believe it... I... I.... I did it."

Pepe: "Yes, you did it, sir"

Marco: "I did it!"

Pepe & Kevin: "Yes, you did it"

Marco: "This is it... I took over this whole planet, the moment of my victory shall rise! And that means.... ***"MONSTROSITY IS FINALLY OURS!"***

Pepe: "What's the matter, bro? You don't feel very good today, what's up with that?"

Marco: "I am no good. I say that I'm good, but the truth is that I'm just... stupid."

Pepe: "Stupid? You aren't stupid, bro. If you don't seem to care about us, what you lack is the capacity to be someone better... well, not the capacity, but that sense of us being together as we used to be, don't you think?"

Marco: "Well, maybe you're right. But, why is the whole world turning against me? Aileene left me first, then everyone else... you know, our friends... and they would never come back again. They don't want to be friends anymore because of me. Everybody hates me for this, and you know it."

Isabella: "What makes you say that?"

Marco: "The fact that I'm weird sometimes. I'm not like you or Pepe or even like the rest of us. I'm a different type of guy, one whose life got ruined by this severe eczema on my arm that won't go away."

Pepe: "It would eventually go away, and so would the anger of these people. Don't listen to those who say bad things about you, the only thing you need to do is put yourself aside and focus on everyone else."

Marco: "But... what about Aileene?"

Isabella: "She'll forgive you soon"

[Music score by Mark Mothersbaugh plays in the background]

Marco: "Okay, this is it."

## Marco 3 (2015)

**Marco:** "And now, my two little cousins, it's time to launch the rocket!"

**Joaquin & Emiliano:** "Wha? Rocket?"

**Marco:** "Yes, this rocket here. I mean, the FARB of course."

## Marco 5: Epilogue (2022)

**Marco:** *[speaking opening lines via megaphone]* "Hello everyone, welcome to yet another *Marco* movie. Oh sorry, excuse me... and here we go. I am so glad to see you'll again, and today I am gonna present you my latest movie. Enjoy it..."

**Marco:** "Oh, but before that, I would like to say something. This is the last movie. I am saying this because there won't be any more *Marco* movies after this one. Now. where are we? Oh yes, the movie, right... end of story. Wait, no, this is the beginning, the very beggining."