Episode 73: Claudia and the Perfect Boy

Jack's real title for the book.

The episode for "Claudia and the Perfect Boy" was originally released on August 7, 2017 and is #71. **You can listen to it here.** This episode is 1:02:51 long.This week's ghostwriter: Suzanne Weyn.

*Previous:* Episode 72: Stacey and the Cheerleaders | *Next:* BSCC: Little Sister - Karen's School Picture | *Or,* see all episodes.

## Official Episode Description

If there is such a thing in the world as a Perfect Boy, what would he be like? Would he be like Rand al Thor, from Robert Jordan’s tedious and bloated Wheel of Time saga? Would he be like Robyn or Rand Miller, the brothers behind the 1993 graphic adventure puzzle video game Myst? Or would he be more like Gary Gygax himself, the troubled but brilliant creator of the Dungeons & Dragons role-playing experience? Claudia’s too busy assembling what may be her most ambitious outfit ever to do real justice to these questions about the Perfect Boy, so Jack and Tanner do their very best to muddle through on her behalf. Major, MAJOR spoilers for the movie Seven, starring Brad Pitt, Morgan Freeman, and the head of Gwyneth Paltrow.

## Music Credits

* “Nothing,” by Joachim Henrich
* “Myst Theme,” by Robyn Miller
* “Overture,” by Lionheart
* “Mammoth,” by Vonikk
* “Don’t Leave Me,” by Lionel Schmitt
* "I Will Follow You Into The Dark” MIDI
* “Caress Me Down” MIDI
* Original Intro by Scott Lamb
* Superbrat Outro by Superbrat

## Book Description

Tanner's description is from Myst; the Myst Theme plays in the background. Truly epic. Tanner gets a second chance at the description, which is interrupted by Hercules coming in to the room.

## Segments

###  Alan Gray Will See You Now

There is much Alan Gray content this week. "Alan Gray sounds cooler each week."

"Alan Gray IS a gecko."

Tanner posits that Alan Gray in 2017 would be a cool YouTube star.

Alan Gray as "Great Guy" writes into the newspaper.

###  Burn Of The Week

Tanner (a seamless transition from his Tearful Moment): "We've had Pow longer than we've had Marnie. Let's get rid of Marnie!"

Jack: Buddy calls the DeWitts "boneheads". Then he says "It's bad enough we have Marnie."

###  Claudia's Closet

This week Claudia is dressed as the sunset. Pink socks, gold stretch pants, a gold turtleneck under a pink sweater, and blue jewelry. "The outfit made me very happy."

 ###  Soileau You Into the Dark

The Alan Gray moment (above) is what they guess Hodges captures. There is a debate about how to properly sing the theme song. Tanner zooms into the cover image to determine what video game the boy is playing. They decide it is TMNT, a four-person very cool arcade game.

###  Tearful Moment

Tanner: "She knew that the last thing Mrs. Barrett needed was for her to start crying."

Jack: the ceremony with the changing of the dogs.

## Jack's References

* "Shall we talk about the things I had under my "Alan Gray is Killing It" section?"
* Suzanne Weyn is a Nihilist.
* Jack names three Virginia Woolf books and Tanner calls him a fucking casual.
* Keats, a romantic poet.
* "Bliss it was in that dawn to be alive. But to be young was very heaven." -- Wordsworth.

## Tanner's References

* Tanner talks about watching the series Turn.
* Tanner scolds Jack for not updating his Skype, because Tanner is trying to send Jack emojis during the record.
* "Aes Sedai" (sounds like "Aye, said I") - a Wheel of Time reference. "Spoilers, they never get good," says Jack. Tanner guesses that maybe they get better with the Brandon Sanderson books.
* Manchurian Candidate
* This book had a real Chekov's Alan Gray.
* "What's in the bag?" A Seven reference.

## Notes

* Tanner notes that the first Ad Read was done this week.

The Myst Reader

Atrus and the Book of D'Ni

Empire of Imagination

Jack later mocks Tanner by pretending this week's sponsor is Loom or Rand Miller. Tanner reaches over and grabs the Myst Reader off his shelf to try and school Jack about the series.

"Absolutely not."
"I am —"
"I think we basically do!"
"I am as close as someone can be to a Myst loremaster, other than Rand and Robyn Miller, who wrote the games and the Myst Reader books. Can we please please please do a Myst podcast? Let's treat this week as a test pilot."
"Here's what I'll promise you. Once we've gotten through all these books, all the mysteries, all the super specials, all of Sweet Valley High, all of Sweet Valley Twins, all of the Unicorn Club, which is the spinoff of Sweet Valley High for younger readers, then we can talk about doing a Myst podcast."
"What if we did a five-episode Myst podcast as an aperitif in between Baby-sitter's Club and Sweet Valley High?"
"I kind of think you just did it."
"No no no. These are robust games and robust books. We really have to chew into this, the same way that the D'ni race chews into the earth. Do you know what I mean?"
"I'm not interested."

* There is a birthday wish between two Baby Bees this episode. Tanner reveals that his mom also shares a birthday with Ann.
* GG, "Gary Gygax?" There is a brief discussion of his alignment (chaotic evil, says Jack; lawful evil, says Tanner; "let's not go off on that tangent" says Jack). Tanner goes to pull the book "Empire of Imagination: Gary Gygax and the Birth of Dungeons & Dragons" off the shelf.
* "Did you say Dong?" Intro of the "Dong" trope.

## References & Links

1. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turn:\_Washington%27s\_Spies
2. ↑ https://wot.fandom.com/wiki/Aes\_Sedai
3. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The\_Wheel\_of\_Time
4. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chekhov%27s\_gun
5. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The\_Myst\_Reader
6. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gary\_Gygax

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