Stone 45

**Chapter 45**

So Kahlan is being squashed under a football scrum of Imperial Order soldiers. Suddenly, the Horse-Powered Horse Maiming Engine reappears, now upgraded to a Horse-Powered Enemy Solider Maiming Engine. Please see all my previous objections, with the enormous weight of a horse replaced with a human's ability to understand what's about to happen and react to it. \~/ This distraction gives Kahlan the chance to get her hand on a one-eyed man's throat and she mindrapes him.

Questions: Why did she have to get her hand on his throat? If skin contact is all that's required, as we were told earlier, why didn't she unleash her mindrape power earlier, when there were at least five or six guys touching her? Why did she single out a one-eyed guy? \~/

Kahlan commands One-Eye (whose name we soon learn is Orsk) to protect her, and he starts hacking at his former comrades. However, the soldiers quickly kill him and, with her power exhausted, Kahlan is easily captured and executed. He throws soldiers around *“as if they were mere children,”* allowing Kahlan to climb aboard Nick the Gentlest Warhorse and, ordering Orsk to escape, flees into the winter night.

Kahlan rides off and, after some pointless blather, happens upon a soldier slogging (naked) through the snow with a *“horrific gash”* down one leg. Kahlan thinks about how she shouldn't stop to pick him up (why?), and how her orders were “keep up or be left behind.” Not exactly the Marines, eh? Against her own orders, she hauls him up and they ride on.

There's some pointless “funny” bit about their mutual nudity, and then Kahlan notes that Soulja Boy is still bleeding. *“He was losing a lot of blood...If they didn't tie his wound closed, he would bleed to death in short order. She was naked, and had nothing to use as a bandage, even if they had the time to stop.”*

First thought: Kahlan and Soulja Boy are riding on a horse. The horse has a saddle. Traditionally there is a **saddle blanket** between horse and saddle.

Second thought: Wow, this is yet another way in which Kahlan's plan was stupid, and one I hadn't even thought of. Impressive. \~/

Kahlan orders Soulja Boy to hold his wound shut and they ride on. They pass more Naked Teenage Soldiers, and Kahlan exhorts them to move faster. *“Do you want to be buried alive? Run!”*

It turns out that, as per Kahlan's plan, some of the Children's Army have somehow managed to start a freaking *avalanche.* How? Who the hell knows? Maybe they invented gunpowder and used bombs; I don't know and neither does Mr Goodkind.

Kahlan and the last of the Good Guys get clear just in time (of course), but *“The men of the Imperial Order were not so lucky. The plunging snow, charged with timbers and boulders, cascaded down with ever-growing power.”* Okay, what does *”charged with timbers and boulders”* mean, exactly? I understand each of those words individually, but...huh?

Second, assuming it means what I think it means, it's pointless. Avalanches aren't dangerous because they contain logs and boulders; they're dangerous because they're tons of ice crystals that can easily bury whole buildings, suffocating anything that gets caught in them.

Anyway, now the pass behind them is *“entombed,”* so the Imperial Order soldiers can't come after the Army of Children (never mind what pass). Kahlan and Soulja Boy press on, and we learn that Soulja Boy promised to kill 20 men, but only killed 17. Loser.

Kahlan gets back to camp, and we learn that Soulja Boy is dead. Well, that was pointless. And speaking of pointless, there's about six pages of pointlessness which I shall summarize thus:

1. The Army of Children lost about 400 men.
2. Kahlan tells Ryan she was never in any danger, which is a blatant lie.
3. Kahlan takes a bath.
4. Everyone is exhausted and feels like crap.
5. Kahlan thinks about the save-the-world quest which she has pretty much abandoned.
6. Kahlan drinks some tea and falls asleep.

End chapter.

Drinks: 3

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