Kazamir Smirnoff

## Kazimir Smirnoff

Official Character Art

The Not-So-Drunk Russian

*[Quote / Joke]*

**Kazimir Smirnoff** is one of the player characters in Wizards & Waifus' unnamed Call of C'thulhu game set in the Summer of '69 (nice). He is also the only member of the original player characters to survive to the end.

## Appearance

He had an ushanka, now he doesn't. Kazimir has long messy brown hair which he lets hang behind his back. He wears a black suit jacket but only wears it when he needs to smuggle something somewhere otherwise he prefers a button up shirt or shirtless. Kazimir is heavily tattooed with three black lines over varying parts of his body as well as a mural of a cockroach on his chest. His eyes were originally blue but after making a pact with Mars, the god of war they turned orange.

## Appearance in the Dreamlands

In the Dreamlands, Kazimir is a pale, featureless humanoid creature, possibly reflecting a view of himself being "unworked clay" who is ready to become something new and great.

## Personality

Kazimir is a solitary man, mostly acting on his own to accomplish his own goals. Kazimir wants to become the Student Council President. Or maybe just get on the council. No one's really sure. See above about working alone.

## Background

Kazimir was born into the Russian Maifa, his mother was a fixer who put him to work at a very young age. Kazimir would be given an alter ego and told to infiltrate different areas of the mafia to find disloyal members. This lead Kazimir to become a skilled liar and a great interest in Acting. Being around the Mafia also lead Kazimir to develop a great moral compass and a stellar ability to get out of dangerous situations. This lead to Kazimir's nickname The Cockroach.

## In-Game Adventures

### Skeleton's Ready to Hatch

Kazimir was got drunk and passed out on an elevator.

### The Dreamlands Pt. I

He threw a rock at the crucified mind of C'thulhu. Yes. *THAT* C'thulhu. Kazimir also got a magic rock that brought objects from the Dreamlands into the real-world. He then used this to bring over weapons which he planned to sell for a profit.

### Kazimir's Bizzare Adeventures Pt. I - Oh sure blame the Russian

While Kazimir was working on his plan to replace the security of the university with his own mafia goons. The current leader of the local Russian mob ordered a hit on one of the professors. Said professor was failing to produce the amount of drugs they were supposed to and so I guess the punishment is death. While the Russian mafia was on their way to the university to kill the professor the party was hunting them down because they found out the drugs they were making weren't psychedelics but a powerful drug that projects peoples minds to the dreamlands. The Professor ends up dieing to the party and the Russian mob gets blamed.

The news comes out that one of the university's beloved professors was brutally murdered by the Russian mob and the public all agree on one thing. Lets burn the only Russian we know. Kazimir who was minding his own business is then nocked out and dragged out onto the beaches near the university where he is posted up on a pyre to be burned alive. Lucky for Kazimir the party uses a nearby cave as their hideout and come to his rescue. Eupheme frees Kazimir and Kazimir gives a speech about how even though he is a Russian that doesn't mean he is a member of the Russian mob and that he isn't mad but just disappointed. After the crowd disperses the organizer of the witch hunt personally apologizes to Kazimir. Kazimir says "No worries I don't hold grudges" and as he turns Kazimir shots him in the back.

### Kazimir's side adventure II - He did what to a church?

Kazimir had a bone to pick with the Russian mob and so he mugged a repairman and snuck into the Russian mobs hideout in disguise. The hideout just so happened to be the local Russian Orthodox Church. While disguised Kazimir went to "repair" the air conditioner. While "repairing" the air unit Kazimir pulled out the Dreamlands chemical he brought over and let it fill the church. Everyone in the church who wasn't wearing a gasmask died earning Kazimir a kill count of over 20 and as well as breaking the Geneva convention.

## Powers and Weapons

### The Axe of Mars

Upon making a pact with Mars, the god of war he is given the Axe of Mars. The Axe of Mars gives people the ability to force two people to fight to the death in brutal combat. The only limitation is you can only use this skill if you've killed someone. The more kills the more uses and Kazimir has killed a lot of people.

### Ring of Venus

The ring of Venus connects the wearer to the love of their life in marriage. When Kazimir donned the ring he is betrothed to the Princess of Russia who soon becomes Queen as the pair overthrow her parents and rise to power making Kazimir, the King of Russia.

### Acting

Kazimir is a brilliant actor and liar which he uses to fool many of the people he interacts with.

### Uncanny Luck

Kazimir has a unnatural survival record for a Call of Cthulhu game having survived one to many close calls. Some of Kazimir's feats of survival can be attributed to his cunning but most of them are dumb luck.

### Dreamlands Drugs

Kazimir acquires drugs from the Dreamlands which to humans is extremely toxic if inhaled. He uses them as a airborne chemical weapon to kill a entire church and the surrounding houses.

## Relationships

### **Ulrich**

After their adventure in the Dreamlands, Kazimir and Ulrich became best bros. Nobody knows why, considering Ulrich's unabashed racism towards Russians.

### **Eupheme**

Kazimir has a business-oriented relationship with Eupheme, having asked her to help him with undisclosed tasks related to his presidential campaign. Since Eupheme had a habit of saving Kazimir from certain deathj Kazimir started calling her his "Prince Charming". Kazamir blackmails Eupheme into helping in his criminal activities and threatens to leak the information about her a ex-cop working with a member of the Russian mob effectively ruining her career.