Lynn Loud vs. Kick Buttowski

## Description

*These athletes want to be the best in every way, but only one can be called no. 1. Who will it be?*

## Interlude

Hiro: Athletes. They are people who want to exceed human limits and take risks that can bring awesome stuff and adrenaline towards everyone.

**MBStarscream: But these two mastered more than just sports. They mastered martial arts, stunts, and even the art of bravery, courage, and winning.**

Hiro: Lynn Loud, the sporty sister of the Loud House.

**MBStarscream: And Kick Buttowski, the Suburban Daredevil who loves stunts.**

Hiro: I'm Hiro Hamada.

**MBStarscream: I'm MBStarscream.**

Hiro: And it's our job to examine both warriors' strength, abilities, weapons, and weaknesses to see who would win in a fight.

## Lynn Loud

Hiro: If you lived in the city of Royal Woods, Michigan, you would have to deal with the craziest, rowdiest, and LOUDEST house in the neighbourhood. Its address is 1216 Franklin Avenue, but its much more appropriate nickname is the Loud House, which inhabits a total of 13 people, including the husband and wife who own this house and their 11 children.

**MBStarscream: Mum and dad must've been BI-ZAY in that bed. We've already looked at the oldest of this chaotic bunch, and spoiler, look where that got her. But you haven't met the sportiest of the family yet. Introducing, Lynn Loud, Jr.**

Hiro: At 13 years old, Lynn is the fifth-oldest child of the Loud family, and the youngest of Lincoln's five older sisters. She inherits not just her father’s name, but also a love for sports, stunts and...

**MBStarscream: DUTCH OVENS!**

*Lynn lets out a big fart from under the covers and laughs.*

*Lincoln: Ugh! Lynn!*

*Lynn: [pulls the covers over Lincoln.] DUTCH OVEN! [laughs as Lincoln cries in distress over the gas she let out; sets him free as he breathes heavily.]*

```
Hiro: But young Lynn wasn't always this way. She had a miserable, if not depressing, time in her first year of middle school, describing it as a "real horror story". Back then, she was more soft-hearted, tender and sensitive, but she was humiliated and picked on multiple times by her peers in school. Because of this, she acted more aggressive and tough against others. Although it prevented her from ever being bullied again, it has just caused her to become more violent and forceful over the years, permanently scarring her personality.

```

**MBStarscream: Nonetheless, she is still a caring person and she just didn't want her brother or Clyde to suffer as she did. And she's certainly still a person who you don't want to cross. Lynn has mastered every martial arts style like Batman. Such arts include kung fu, jujitsu, karate, taekwondo, Luche Libre, kickboxing, normal boxing, judo, and hapkido.**

```
Hiro: Lynn has superhuman strength, speed, and durability, being able to handle beatings from all her siblings, lift over heavy objects such as entire drawers with ease and fights faster than the eye can see, which would require subsonic speeds to pull off. She also has many sports on her plate, like basketball, tennis, baseball, badminton, surfing, roller derby, biking, soccer, football, and even hackysack. She even plays board games like chess, checkers, Snakes and Ladders, and even a beauty pageant game.

```

**MBStarscream: And if that's not enough, this tomboy has plenty of weapons with her sports. Her arsenal mostly include a baseball bat, a basketball, boxing gloves, hockey sticks, weights, shuttle cocks, a tennis racket, tennis balls, soccer balls, baseballs, footballs, other sports balls you can think off, and of course her fists, which she uses to pulverize those who pissed her off.**

```
Hiro: Lynn also has her bicycle. It was originally a hand-me-down from her sister Lori, who passed it to Leni, who passed it to Luna, then passed it to Luan, who turned it into a unicycle, and then she passed it to Lynn. This bike allows her to do biking, do awesome stunt tricks, and also outrace her family van. Keep in mind that the slowest speed limit for vans is 30mph in built-up areas; the fastest vans are allowed to go is 70mph in motorways.

```

**MBStarscream: She is super athletic, acrobatic, flexible and very durable. She can take many punches from her siblings when they fight in a cloud and... Wait! WAS THAT AN EYEBALL?! These kids are *vicious!***

Hiro: Lynn can certainly take the pain and even endure it. She has been run over by fifteen football players and all she got was a broken ankle. A normal person should also get their legs, arms, fingers, and even their stomachs crushed.

**MBStarscream: But not ol' Lynn-sanity. Lynn has accomplished a lot of feats throughout the series. She has won in all the board games in the Loud House, won 4 trophies, outraced her family van in a bicycle, helped Lincoln train for a football match, punched the wall hard enough to make a deep crack, lifted a 10-ton dumpster, and teamed up with her brother and defeated the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the Ninja Steel Power Rangers, the Game Shakers, Phoebe and Max Thunderman, Kid Danger, SpongeBob SquarePants, and Timmy Turner in multiple Nickelodeon games.**

Hiro: Lynn is definitely an awesome athlete, but not a perfect one. After Lola and Lori, she is the third most easily angered Loud sibling and is the most prone to physical confrontations. She is also very superstitious and makes up absurd assumptions because in "Sleuth or Consequences", where she tells Lincoln that she never "bombs the toilet" before a big game of roller derby because it's bad luck. This is also prominent in "Intern for the Worse", where she doesn't allow her teammate, Margo, to use the bathroom, because of the same belief. In "Cover Girls", she tells Lincoln to cover for her while she is at the batting cage to hit baseballs to avoid spring cleaning, and she said if she didn't hit the first ball, she'll have bad luck all throughout the baseball season. This is shown again in "No Such Luck", where she is shown to perform good luck rituals, and unfairly believes Lincoln is bad luck when he comes to her game and she loses, ruining her winning streak.

**MBStarscream: Lynn is also very immature, as shown in "Cereal Offender" when she rides on carts in the grocery store and wrecks several aisles. Another example of her immaturity is shown in "A Tale of Two Tables", where she participated in the food fight with her siblings. Another part of this immaturity is her poor sportsmanship. When she loses, she starts throwing tantrums, and if she wins, she starts gloating at others, until someone makes her realize she's hurting their feelings.**

Hiro: Lynn isn't exactly above employing underhanded methods in order to win. In "Space Invader", she complements Lincoln's wrestling ambush upon entering his room, even if it is considered cheating. Another instance occurs in "Lynner Takes All", when she tricks Lincoln into giving the wrong answer during a trivia game.

**MBStarscream:** **Since it was shown in "Middle Men" that she has grown to become more assertive and competitive because of her fear and depression in the 6th grade, it is possible that she is just really insecure about herself and hides it by acting aggressively. If she didn't, she would be bullied forever. However, hints of insecurity can be seen in her overreliance on good luck rituals and amulets, which suggests that Lynn has a lack of faith in her abilities in sports.**

Hiro: In "Hero Today, Gone Tomorrow", she is revealed as she cannot handle her pride and jealousy. If she sees someone getting more attention than her, she gets extremely upset and jealous. At the end, she finally realized that her behavior causing her to lose her friend and started to become supportive rather than jealous. But despite her flaws, mistakes, and attitude, Lynn Loud is an athlete who is ready to win every sport out there.

*Lynn: You know, I'm noticing a complete lack of balls in this room. [Lincoln makes a discomforted face at that remark.] No soccer balls, no footballs, no baseballs, no balls. Good thing I brought my own! [dumps sports balls out of her pillowcase onto the floor.]*

## Kick Buttowski

Hiro: There are the brave, there are the bold and then there are the awesome. In the Disney universe are some of the greatest heroes you‘ll love, but none compares to a daredevil who is ready to take the world by storm.

*Kick finishes getting dressed and opens the garage door doing his famous pose.*

*Gunther: (in megaphone) Ladies and gentlemen, behold the world's greatest daredevil: Kick Buttowski! (garage door drops on Kick) Kick! Kick, are you OK?*

*Kick: (hurt) It's just pain Gunther.*

**MBStarscream: Kick Buttowski is a 10-year old boy who aspires to be the greatest daredevil the world has ever seen, which is his biggest addiction. He's constantly performing death-defying and nigh-impossible stunts, which are often a great nuisance to his parents and neighbors. He has a brother named Brad whom he has a great disdain towards. Brad is also very quick to mock and provoke Kick, which results in the two regularly fighting each other like all siblings.**

```
Hiro: Kick is a hard-headed, stubborn, self-tempered 11-year-old boy, who would never back down from a challenge. He always wears a stunt suit and stunt helmet. His life's passion (and favored past-time) is extreme stunts. He is shown to have great determination, which occasionally clashes with his temperament. However, despite this all, he has been shown to have a kind heart, performing many kind acts. His damage, which inevitably follows in his wake, is rarely intentional.

```

**MBStarscream: He has been shown to have quite a tolerance to pain, as of when he fell from space and into the earth's crust without flinching, though when Gunther and Gopi Brave had to pull a lot of thorns from his butt, he yelled out in pain. Brad calls him 'shrimp', or any variation of the above, will generally anger him quickly. However, this is inconsistent, as seen in "Dead Man's Drop", where he took all those comments without showing any change in emotion. He has been shown to have the ability to hold quite a grudge, shown in "Dead Man's Drop" when he yells 'You've made my revenge list Brad! Again!' then adding Brad's name to a list which contains only more times Kick has vowed to take revenge on his older brother.**

```
Hiro: Despite his bad grades and seeming inability to finish homework, he has also been shown to have a great ability to retain information. This has been shown greatly when he had to do two months of homework in one night, which he did do, though Oskar ate it while he was showing Gunther. Then he managed to finish it all in less than six minutes and turn it into Miss Fitzpatrick, which he succeeded in. Though right after she passed him, Oskar appeared again and ate his homework, implying that Oskar had been the dog that had eaten all of Kick's previous homework assignments.

```

**MBStarscream: Kick is shown to be very skilled in a variety of areas. The most demonstrated is his skill with various vehicles, with him nearly instantaneously gaining the ability to drive Billy Stumps' monster truck, as well as the abilities he has demonstrated with his skateboard, bike, and cart. In some episodes, it is shown that Kick has skill in certain types of martial arts like karate, wrestling, boxing, etc.**

```
Hiro: He is also shown to have engineering skills, as he was able to create a giant mechanical T-Rex with the ability to breathe fire. He appears to have a natural talent for anything that is 'extreme', such as water skiing. Kick also has a large arsenal that consists of his skateboard, a hockey stick, Cheetah Chug, a balloon animal Cheetah Chug bomb, Gunther's... fart in a jar, and a go cart.

```

**MBStarscream: Cheetah Chug is a sports drink which is made from "the sweat of real cheetahs" and it has an emotional effect on Gunther such as turning him into a hysterical boy with wonky eyes into an angry cheetah like mood. There is a stronger variant of Cheetah Chug! called "Cheetah Chug! XE" (the XE stands for Xtreme Emergency). Its capabilities surpass its predecessor as it wakes Kick up when he's catatonic. Another example of its power is when Gunther merely touches the can and ends up with an amass of armhair.**

Hiro: There is also an even stronger, discontinued variant of the soda called "Cheetah Chug! XXE". In "Brad's Diary", two men in radiation suits are seen by Kick and Gunther carefully placing a can of the drink in a field. One of the men claims to the other that it "packs the power of 10,000 cans of the regular Cheetah Chug!". Kick and Gunther use this can to fuel an X-15 fighter jet.

**MBStarscream: This kid has definitely done a lot in his daredevil career. He's survived the wilderness, escape a viking store, drove through solid rock, beat his brother Brad and completed a stunt that not even a professional stuntmen could do with Gunther's help. But there's still weaknesses to look at.**

Hiro: Kick will quit being a daredevil if he ever loses his helmet, and he is quite arrogant in general. Plus, he usually relies on Gunther to help him with his stunts, and he can easily be knocked out like most other people.

**MBStarscream: As well, he dislikes girly stuff, once lost his daredevil status to Kendal in Role Reversal, and has a crazed fan and cousin. But these flaws don't stop his 10-year old from being an athletic daredevil who shouldn't be truffled with.**

*Kick: Aw, biscuits.*

## Fatal Fiction

*Mario flips a coin.*

Hiro: Well, neither have a home field advantage in this fight, but only one shall stand victorious when all is said and done.

**MBStarscream: This is gonna quite a sporty fight if I say so myself.**

*A random stadium*

The crowd that consisted of numerous cartoon characters was going wild at the moment. In the front row, an 8-year old with very pale skin and long black hair concealing her eyes held up a foam finger while showing no emotion, and a 10-year old who bore a striking resemblance to Chris Griffin from Family Guy was munching on a box of doughnuts.

Inside the ring, a 13-year old girl with thick brown hair pulled back into a short high ponytail rode in on her bike. She wore a red and white jersey with a red "1" on it, red-and-white track shorts, and black cleats with striped white knee-high socks. She also had freckles on her cheeks and purple-gray eyelids. This girl was the athletic jock of the Loud House, **Lynn Loud**.

Her soon-to-be opponent rode into the ring on a blue skateboard with red wheels. It was a 10-year old boy whose outfit consisted of yellow boots, a white helmet with a red stripe down the middle, and an all-white jumpsuit with the collar turned up. This boy was the Suburban Daredevil, **Kick Buttowski**.

Walking towards the center of the ring, Lynn and Kick gave each other a friendly fist bump, and got into a combat stance. May the best athlete win.

**FIGHT!**

Lynn immediately started to attack Kick with a series of punches and kicks until Kick managed to plant an uppercut into her chin. Kick tried to punch Lynn in the face, but she easily grabbed Kick's fist and kicked him in the groin. While Kick held the two things that made him a male in pain, Lynn took out a hockey stick and swung it at Kick's other leg, sending him crashing onto his back. Lynn raised the hockey stick to bring it down on Kick, but Kick rolled out of the way as it hit the ground instead.

The jock went for another strike, but the hockey stick was caught by Kick, and then dodged again. Lynn dug her hockey stick into the ground to block Kick's attacks until Kick tried to kick the stick and pull it away from his older opponent. They started to have a tug-of-war over the stick until Kick was pushed back as Lynn swung the stick frontward, only for Kick to skillfully jump over the attack. Unfortunately for Kick, the setback gave Lynn the chance to strike Kick across the head as soon as he landed on his feet, nearly knocking him down.

She began to violently beat Kick with her weapon until Kick managed to block an attack and rip it out of Lynn's hands. Tossing the hockey stick aside, Kickstarted to exchange blows with Lynn, neither athlete going easy on the other nor gaining an edge. Lynn then began to act like a mime trapped in a box, much to Kick's confusion. "Uh, what are you--"

"Surprise mime attack!"

A swipe of Lynn's leg sent Kick into the air before he hit the ground back-first. Lynn leaped on Kick and a cloud obscured the two combatants as they fought inside it. The fight cloud ended with Lynn pinning Kick to the ground and punching him in the face until Kick grabbed Lynn's throat with both hands. Both athletes started rolling on the ground in an all-out wrestling match as the excited crowd looked on.

"You got this, Lynn." Lucy said with about as much emotion as a pile of rocks. "Go get her, Kick!" Gunther cheered.

Lynn eventually managed to push Kick away with her feet and quickly got back up. She threw a punch at Kick, but Kick grabbed her arm and slammed to the ground. He then grabbed by her ponytail and spun her like a lasso before letting her go. Lynn flew through the air, having become a human tornado, before landing on the ground. While Lynn was down, Kick went over to his skateboard Ol' Blue and picked it up. Standing up, Lynn glared at Kick and got out her own weapon: A baseball bat. The fighters charged at one another and took turns swinging their respective weapons with all their might.

Stars exploded behind both combatants' eyelids as their heads snapped to their side and their bodies followed. They fell like puppets without marionettes.

Silence.

Then Kick pulled out a can of Cheetah Chug and gulped down its contents. His body immediately started to feel energized as Lynn tried to push herself up. Before she could turn around, Kick's skateboard smashed her lower back, making her scream in pain and fall down again. Kick did an elbow drop on Lynn, then captured her in a camel clutch hold. Lynn tried desperately to crawl away, but she couldn't move an inch. Eventually releasing Lynn from the painful hold, Kick picked up the jock and started to squeeze her in a bearhug.

Lynn's attempts to break free were fruitless; it was as if she were actually being hugged by a bear. The torture lasted for what felt a whole minute until Kick threw her against the wall of the ring, which slung her back to her younger opponent, who did a clothesline as Lynn flew towards him. Helping Lynn to her feet, Kick hoisted her over his shoulder and slammed her back-first into the floor. Kick took a few steps backward as Lynn got up.

The sports girl of the Loud House then started throwing punches and kicks at Kick, but Kick dodges them all with ease and kicked her in the face. Lynn's nose started to bleed as Kick quickly grabbed his skateboard and started to beat Lynn with it. He brought it down on her again and again, and when he finally stopped, blood and bruises were all over her face. Lynn rolled onto her front and tried to get up as Kick walked towards her.

"Time to finish this." Kick said with narrow eyes. Before Lynn could do anything else, Kick jammed his skateboard right in the jock's head, ending the fight instantly. The lifeless girl went limp as the crowd cheered the victor. Lucy just looked on with great sadness at the death of her roommate and elder sister. Kick posed with two victorious peace signs in the air as he stood above Lynn's body, taking in the cheers.

**FATALITY!**

## Results

**MBStarscream: Man, Disney is really putting Nickelodeon down.**

Hiro: Lynn was a formidable opponent, with her edges in strength and fighting skill making this a relatively close fight. But those advantages only got her so far before Kick ultimately claimed victory, having outclassed his adversary everywhere else.

**MBStarscream: Kick has shown more intelligence than Lynn, again bringing up the time he completed two months of missed homework assignments in a single night. Even without Ol' Blue, Kick was faster on his feet than Lynn, as shown by his feats of running up a wall to the ceiling of his house and moving faster than a man could react.**

Hiro: Lynn's durability is impressive, with her being to survive explosions that could blow off the roof of her house, a feat that would require 0.00054847347 tons of TNT. But Kick was able to survive falling from a great height into the ground and pulverizes the earth below him. While he didn’t exactly tank this, he did manage to survive and remain conscious after the fall. By my calculations, Kick must've taken an impact of 0.0070880850860421 tons of force.

**MBStarscream: Plus with all the times he failed to do a stunt, it caused him great pain, but he does manage to walk it off. Lynn is also angered much more easily, and her agility has limits while Kick doesn't have to worry about such limits.**

Hiro: Lynn was able to hang in there with her strength and combat advantages, but she was clearly outclassed by Kick's intelligence, speed, durability, agility and more even temper.

**MBStarscream: Lynn just couldn't keep up.**

Hiro: Kick Buttowski wins.

## Advantages

### Kick Buttowski (Winner)

* Smarter
* Faster
* More durable
* Less limited agility
* More even tempered