The Queen Is Back

The Queen Is Back is the seventh chapter in the Wombles Two.

Dr Keel had decided to stop being the Pen King and had now let Miss Adelaide and Released Uncle Bulgaria go.  Released Uncle Bulgaria was now in his office.  His office was no longer for ruling the wombles, but just for making plans, because Mrs Peel ruled the wombles now.  Suddenly there was a knock on his door.  “Come in!” he said.  The door opened and Cathy walked in.  “Remember me? Second-in-command of the Wimbledon wombles?” she asked.  Shocked Uncle Bulgaria dropped all his papers and said, “I forgot all about that.  Did you need… something?”  “Yes.” Said Cathy.  “The second one.”  Even-More-Shocked Uncle Bulgaria almost jumped out of his skin.  “Surely you don’t mean the…”  “Yes” interrupted Cathy.  “I do mean that.”  “But…” stammered Frightened Uncle Bulgaria.  “But if I give you it, then… then…”  “Precisely.” Said Cathy, with an evil grin on her face.  The grin made Now-Weak Uncle Bulgaria collapse to the floor and faint. He would not give her it though. No, never.  Just what it is will be revealed when what Tomsk and Wellington remembered is revealed.  So, stay tuned!  Well… of course you will.  Who would just suddenly stop reading a story randomly?

Steed saw Cathy going in What Do I Do Now Uncle Bulgaria’s office.  He waited outside until she came out then clunked her on the head.  She was out cold.  So Steed dragged her into his Bentley and drove to a big house in the country.  Fred came with him.  Cathy woke up after a while to find herself in big metal box.  It was rather hot in the box.  “Hello?” she said hopefully.  “Hello!” said Fiery Frederick.  “It’s a bit hot in here.  Can I come out?” she added.  “No!” said Frederick.  “Unless” intervened Steed “you tell me where Her Majesty is being held prisoner!” Cathy was angry but had no choice. “She is tied to a chair in an old military base underneath Wimbledon Common.  Now can I go?”  Steed carried on the inquisition.  “How do I get there?”  “Through an old storm drain in Wimbledon Lane.  Now?”  “No! What number Wimbledon Lane?” “33!  Now …” “NO!” shouted Steed.  “Any booby traps?”  “No! That would be so stupid because would get trapped in my own lair!”  “You can go ..” “Woo hoo!” shouted Cathy but Steed hadn’t finished.  “WHEN I have the Queen safely back in the palace and NOT BEFORE!”

Fiery Frederick started his blowtorch.  “Ready?” he asked Cathy.  “For what?” she asked.  “Being burnt in half!” he replied.  She screamed as Fiery Frederick started at the top of the very hot box.  “STEED!  I WILL KILL YOU!”  Steed had already reached the entrance to Cathy’s lair though.

Later Steed returned with the queen and saw that Cathy was in the process of being killed permanently. “Don’t do that!” he said, and clonked Fred on the head with his bowler.  When Fred woke up, him and Cathy had been swapped with what they were doing Cathy was burning Fred in half now!  Not for long though because a clown pulled the carpet and Cathy was launched into a wardrobe.  Luckily Fred caught his blowtorch.  He was quite disappointed not to murder Cathy so stumped off to his old tunnel again.

Cathy came of the wardrobe dressed as policeman.  She went into the living room dressed as Mr Punch.  She sat down to find herself dressed as a crocodile.  “What?” she said and got up.  Now she was dressed as Judy.  “STEED!” she shouted but he was already at Buckingham Palace putting the Queen back on the throne.

“One does not need one’s Lord Sir John Steed to put one on one’s throne!” she said.  “Yes your Majesty” said Steed and promptly put down on the floor.  Then he went back to find Cathy.  When he got there then she was dressed as a rabbit.  “Why are you in a costume?” asked Steed.  “I don’t know, I thought you put me in it!” replied Cathy.  “Why would I do that?” asked Steed trying not to laugh at the site of her.  A Punch and Judy theatre walked up to them.  “It was me” it said.  “why?” are Cathy.  “Because” said the Punch and Judy theatre “that’s the way to do it.

Steed and Cathy biffed it from either side.  It fell and and pair of legs poked out.  They looked very familiar.  Steed pulled the puppet show off to reveal Tara!  “WHAT are you doing?” asked Cathy.  “Sorry, I just saw blonde hair and thought you were Venus.” Replied Tara. Cathy blinked.  Tara saw that she was confused and said, “You see, I want to marry Dr King, but Venus won’t leave him, so I’m going to get her out of the way.” “Oh.” Said Cathy.  “Are you ready for some more?”  Tara was confused.  “More what?” “More of this.” Said Steed, and they both punched her again.  And again. And again.  And again.  And agai…. Oh, nevermind, they did it a lot, until she was unconscious.  Then they dragged her off.  She woke up tied to the conveyer belt with the circular saw.

“Help!” she shouted. “Noooo!” somebody shouted back. “Who are you?” Tara asked “Venus!” came the reply.  “Oh no!” groaned Tara.  “I don’t like blood much” said Venus “so I’m going before you die!”  “Don’t worry Venus!  I’ll see that she dies!” said Cathy.  “Thanks” said Venus and headed to the Womblelation to sing.

Cathy was enjoying gloating at Tara when somebody bashed her on the head.  She fell to the floor.  The same somebody switched off the machine.  Finally they untied Tara.  She looked at him confused.  “Who are you?” she asked.  “Don’t you recognise me?  Do not forsake oh my darling!” asked Dr Keel.  “David? What have you done to yourself?” Tara asked in horror.