Raphael VS Wolverine

**Rapheal VS Wolverine** is the nineth episode of DEATH BATTLE! But it's DBX, featuring Raphael from the *Teenage Muntant Ninja Turtes* series and Wolverine from the *Marvel Comics* in a battle between bladed government projects.

## Description

These cool but rude dudes take to the sewers for an all-out duel to the death!

## Interlude

(\*Cues: Invader - Jim Johnston\*)

**Boomstick: Long range weaponry are effective tools of destruction, but there's just something special about killing up close and personal with a blade.**

Wiz: Such as Rapheal, the red hothead ninja turtle.

**Boomstick: And Wolverine, the vicious anti-hero of the X-Men.He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.**

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.

## Raphael

(\*Cues: I Beam Fight - TMNT\*)

**Boomstick: Raph is cool but crude! Hell, forget crude, this guy's borderline psycho!**

Wiz: Sure to throw the first punch, Raphael is certainly the most vicious of the team. He's constantly butting heads with the others and challenging Leonardo's leadership.

**Boomstick: He uses twin Sai, which is like a combination of a pitchfork, dagger and Wolverine's claws.**

Wiz: Like the nunchuk, they also humbly began as a farming tool but were re-evaluated to counter the oppressive samurai.

**Boomstick: They're best used as a close ranged defensive weapon. The triple prongs are designed to block, trap, and control an opponent's weapon, while using the pommel to beat the enemy into submission. Raph's Sai can even snap swords!**

Wiz: Raphael is not exactly the smartest fighter, usually rushing into a brawl without a plan and just overpowering a foe. Because of this, Raphael spends much of his time honing his combat skills. It is very likely he is physically the strongest turtle.

**Boomstick: Also, this guy's in some serious need of anger management!**

Wiz: He is naturally hot-headed and sometimes loses control of his rage. He is much more vicious than the other turtles and, at one point in the comics, even became the Shredder himself.

*Raphael (90s movie version): Damn!*

## Wolverine

(\*Cues: X-Men Legends - Weapon X Facility (Quiet)\*)

**Boomstick: Three scratches, three claws, this is the mark of the Wolverine.**

Wiz: But before he was the poster boy for the X-Men, he was born James Howlett in 1886.

**Boomstick: And he was the wimpiest kid ever! He was tiny, and pathetic, and sick all the time. But little James wasn't stuck in bed for too long.**

Wiz: As he grew up, James started to develop mutant powers, which gave him animal senses and rapid healing.

(\*Cues: X-Men: First Class - Rage and Serenity\*)

Wiz: But when the family groundskeeper Thomas Logan murdered his father, James learned he had a more lethal power hidden within.

**Boomstick: Retractable bone claws! Old Thomas never knew what hit him. Or more specifically, what stabbed him to death.**

Wiz: But Thomas used his dying breath for the oh so original plot twist: I'm your father.

**Boomstick: Going from two dads to zero in a matter of seconds. Anyway, James took on the name Logan to poorly hide his identity, and ran away from home with his childhood friend Rose. But then he accidentally stabbed her to death too. Damn, those things seem really inconvenient, like a murder erection, always popping up when you don't need it.**

Wiz: You should probably see a doctor.

(\*Cues: X2: Wolverine's Revenge - Main Menu Theme\*)

Wiz: With his healing ability slowing his aging, Logan has lived over 100 years, he fought in both World Wars and Vietnam before joining a special weapons project called Weapon X. This is where he took the name, The Wolverine.

**Boomstick: Buuuut, like almost every other secret project ever, it was actually yet another horrifying super soldier project. Whilst there, Wolverine enjoyed such treatments as being cut open repeatably, having his DNA harvested and getting his skeleton a pimped out chrome-job.**

Wiz: Against Logan's will, a scientist, named Dr. Cornelius, infused his bones with Adamantium, a rare, man-made metal alloy. Adamantium is extremely dense and stable on a molecular level, making it reportedly indestructible. Even Thor has a hard time breaking it.

**Boomstick: And Dr. Scientist also Hypnotized Wolverine, to erase his memories and turn him into an animalistic killing machine. The Result? Well Wolverine went crazy and slaughtered everyone at Weapon X. So I guess you could say the experiment turned out to be a complete success. Good job everybody.**

*Wolverine's new Adamantium claws come out as he wakes up from the procedure screaming.*

(\*Cues: Powerglove - X-Men\*)

Wiz: After wandering the wilderness and tangling with The Hulk, Wolverine was eventually discovered by the X-Men, who molded him into a real hero. Logan had finally found a place to call home and a family he did not stab to death.

**Boomstick: Old Wolvie's got more mutant powers than Kim Kardashian has butt injections. He has keen animal like senses and expert tracking skills, can move faster than the eye can see and can lift up to 2 tons. His Adamantium Claws can cut through almost anything and conveniently he never has to sharpen them. He's immune to disease, can resist mind control, and can fight for days without tiring. Oh and, for some reason he can sense animals feelings and talk to them, like some sort of Bear whisperer.**

(\*Cues: Marvel vs Capcom 3 - Wolverine Theme\*)

Wiz: He's equal in hand to hand combat with Captain America, and was skilled enough to tag Speed Demon who runs faster than the speed of sound.

**Boomstick: Despite all of this, his greatest attribute is his sheer durability. He's like Super Rocky!**

Wiz: Wolverine has survived hits from Thor and the Hulkbuster, battled with Satan himself, and was once blown up with nothing left but his adamantium skeleton.

**Boomstick: Think that stopped him? Hell no! He got back up and beat the shit out of the emo bomberman who blew him up in the first place. Jesus Christ! Can anything stop this guy?**

Wiz: Well technically he has died a few times, he even used to have a deal with the Angel of Death to be resurrected should his healing factor be overtaxed. But eventually gave it up in exchange for his soul. Yeah this actually happened. However, according to Professor Xavier, leader of the X-Men, Wolverine's healing factor stems from his brain. Eh? Get it? Stem? Like Brain Stem?

**Boomstick: Wiz, I'm the funny one. Just stick to being boring.**

(\*Cues: Unknown Theme\*)

Wiz: Aw... Anyway this means Wolverine can be killed by drowning or destroying his brain. But seeing as how his brain is protected by a thick, adamantium skull, it's probably staying where it is.

(\*Cues: Wolverine and the X-Men - Main Theme\*)

Wiz: Still there's a reason why Logan keeps getting into bad situations like these. He's a lone wolf and doesn't like relying on others.

**Boomstick: And he's kinda got a bit of a temper.**

*Wolverine growls and cuts off the top of Cyclops' car in rage.*

*Wolverine: Tell Cyclops I made him a convertible.*

**Boomstick: Piss him off too much, something snaps and Wolverine will enter the Berserker Rage.**

Wiz: In this state, Wolverine loses all self-control and ignores all pain as he is consumed by the animalistic killer instinct that's still deep within him by Dr. Cornelius all those years ago.

*Wolverine is seen defeating Neuron in his berserker state.*

*Beast: My stars...*

*Wolverine then tosses Neuron to the side and starts repeatedly stabbing him.*

## Death Battle

**FIGHT!**

**KO!**

## Results

(\*Cues: X-Men COTA Player Select Theme\*)

**Boomstick: Oh my god...**

Wiz: Because of Raphael's sais skeleton and stubborn healing factor, he was able to hang in there despite Wolverine's clearly superior speed and strength.

**Boomstick: He could've even kept it up until Wolverine ran out of fuel, if it weren't for one important question: Could the high frequency blade cut sai?**

Wiz: To answer this, we dug deep into Marvel Comics history and found Misty Knight, a lesser known Marvel heroine with a bionic arm made of Antarctic Vibranium. This anti-metal emanates vibrations which weaken its target's molecular bonds, exactly like Wolverine's high frequency blade. Like the adamantium, this can destabilize and break any metal, including adamantium.

**Boomstick: And while in Berseker mode, Wolverine can strike with enough force to cut through buildings and machines built to survive nuclear wars.**

Wiz: With that much strength behind a sword like that, plus Wolverine's speed and technology advantage, Raphael's supposedly indestructible skeleton met its match.

**Boomstick: Any way you slice it, Wolverine just had the X-Men for the job.**

Wiz: The winner is Wolverine.

## Video

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