A new adventure

**a new adventure** was the 21st post on the Frilly + Fancy blog.

## Content

and when a chapter ends, a new one begins...

One morning, I woke up and realized that somewhere down the road, I had lost control of my life. I know. It really makes no sense, but it's true. It's like this quote that I love-

**"It is so easy to exist instead of live"**

I've been merely *existing*, but not LIVING; just letting my days slip through my fingers, with nothing to really show for the precious time that is passing by. You see, I have all of these wild ambitions and ideas... but they're only alive in my mind and my sketchpads. And I think it's about damn time to take all the steps I need to take to bring them to LIFE. And not just all the necessary steps, but all the POSSIBLE steps- so that I can ensure greatness. Because... is there any other way?? 110% or 0%, that is my life motto... but mostly because my dysfunctional "perfectionist" brain has been cursed by satan and to me anything other than 110% is garbage.

Ok, enough with the poetic rambling. Basically, I've been gone for the past week because I moved out from my apartment with my boyfriend and into my own place. WUT. I KNOW. SCARY. I just neeeeeeed a place where I can be independent... a place without distractions... a place where my creativity can thrive. It's kind of like those writers you hear about, who go live in the middle of the woods so that they can finish their book (sidenote: I need to do that). I need to be able to spend more time focusing on myself! Many of you don't know this, but I have been in serious (romantic) relationships my entire adult life (17-24). I was with my high school boyfriend for four years, and my current relationship is going on a little over three years. And sadly, I feel like that is where I've spent the majority of my energy. But it's time to focus on ME and my goals for myself, not my relationship. Now, this doesn't mean my relationship is over, but it just means that it is being moved to the side a little bit while I work on myself.

I know people are going to think that this decision was rash, and maybe they will have trouble understanding my reasoning, but trust me when I say that this is what's best. For so many reasons. The biggest reason, I'm starting school next semester and I needed a place that was close-by. My old apartment was about 45 minutes-1 hour away and that would have been really difficult for managing my time wisely. Also, like I talked about before, I just need to be alone sometimes and have a place to focus and feel creative. Most people have absolutely no idea what it's like to be in a house with your boyfriend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Since we both work out of our home, we were ALWAYS together (other than the few days out of the month when he travels for shoots) and it really complicates things at times. And while he is great at focusing and getting his work done, me... not so much. It's really difficult to translate my brain functions into words... but more or less, it takes me a fucking century to do things that takes most people a few hours. It's not really an "ADD" type thing, it's just that my creative process is very lengthy and unpredictable. And I'm a psycho perfectionist (thanks, satan!).

Now, I know that this is the part of the story that I should leave out. It's personal, and it's no one's business... but I'd much rather tell you the facts, than have people start assuming things. The third reason why I wanted to move out, was because I felt as if my relationship was beginning to crumble. Like I said, we were together every hour of every day. And I know some people are probably thinking, "Wow, that would be so fun! What are you talking about?!?" but trust me... it's not like that. Relationships are hard work. People say that a lot, and it's real-talk. But by us being together all the time, we have no time for self-reflection, no time to miss one another... and no time to really focus on ourselves. I think it would be a whole 'nother story if we lived together and had "9-5 jobs"... but that is not our life at the moment. My married folks out there probably know what I mean by this. I imagine that it's nice to come home to one another after a long day of independent work and talk about your day. I need that in my life, and someday I hope to have it. But for right now, this is the best I can do. And I think it will be really good for us. We will basically be living like any other average adult couple out there... you know, seeing each other 3-4 times a week- a dinner date here, a sleepover there (and yes, we will still try to vlog it sometimes!).

It's moments like this that I begin to regret living a very public life. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do and I have been so blessed to have thousands of amazing supporters in my life... but sometimes it's just SO hard to explain personal situations. Especially because I am fully aware that I am a crazy and drastic person. I make a lot of 180s. I like change. I like challenging myself and giving myself new endeavors. But what I find difficult is that sometimes, when things get rough, I am most likely going to be judged by misinformed people who think they know everything about me and my life. \*sigh\*  But I suppose that's because I still think of my viewers as my friends- people who I can openly talk to... vent to... and hope that they see things from my perspective and still think highly of me. But for some reason, many of the viewers don't see it that way. They see me as this untouchable, almost non-existent person, and that they can view my life situations on a different scale than that of the people who are present in their world. I don't think I'll ever understand that mentality. Despite our status, we're all human. We all go through struggles. We all make mistakes. But \*shrugs shoulders\* I guess that is what I signed up for! Gotta love the internet!!! :P #PeopleThinkTheyKnowEverythingWhenInRealityTheyKnowJackShitAndNeedToSitDown

So anywaaaaay, what have I been up to? One word-NESTING. I'm currently loving decorating my teeny tiny studio apartment. It's so small, but such a challenge! I love it. It's going to be, wait for it- FRILLY AND FANCY. Whoa. Mind-blowing. I can't wait to share it all with you! You can expect: shabby chic, pastel-vomit, kawaii stuffs, dolls, ruffles, stuffed animals, kawaii stuffs, lace, twinkling lights, cats, kawaii stuffs, gaudy shit everywhere, unicorns, annnnnnd kawaii stuffs. HAHAHA. Also, I'm going to try and update my blog/youtube as much as humanly possible! I don't start school until next semester, so I should have the time! Let me know what kind of videos you would like to see! Decor? Hauls? Fashion? Organization? etc...

This is way too long. I need to learn how to limit myself. No one cares this much. I think I basically just wrote this for my mom. Hi, mom.

## Links

* February 12th 2014 (Archive)
* Bloglovin' (Repost)