Dampé Fan Fiction

It was a warm summer's evening when it all begun. Clint finally arose from his washed up nature to stamp his name in history as the title holder for the fastest Ocarina of Time 100% speed run. With 2:09:52 on the clock, he finally reached Dampé. On his way to the graveyard, he frantically prayed to RNGesus out loud for a first attempt heart piece; Chat mocked him all along the way. Once he got there, the entire run followed along into the grave. The first try became second, second became third, and as the twenty-second dialog intervals became minutes, Clint began to go into a trance.

With a blank stare directed at his webcam, he cried out, "WHY MUST I ALWAYS BE FUCKED BY YOU?!" In this moment, Dampé's ghost came out of the N64 cartridge and said, "Because I love to fuck you Clint-kun." Dampé pushed Clint to the ground, tore off his pants, and began to physically ram his shovel into Clint's ass. Chat broke out in a frantic spam of WutFace , gachiGASM , and BANNED.  Yelling out for help while crying in pain all seemed lost. In this moment, an unlikely hero appeared; Clint's dog Juno came to the rescue. In a state of panic, Dampé ripped the shovel out of Clint's ass, struck the dog, then resumed the fucking him. Minutes turned to hours, hours turned to days, and Clint finally accepted this as his reality.

All of a sudden, a sound of a rooster woke Clint from his slumber. In a daze, he thanked God that it was all a dream, before realizing another person was alongside him in bed. Spotting a figure resembling Dampé laid adjacent, Clint jumped out of bed, crying at the top of lungs. The figure rose, revealing itself to be Snowdrops wearing a Dampé cosplay.

In this moment, Clint fell to the ground in an epiphany. He realized, it wasn't all a dream...

The night before, Clint had asked Snowdrops to come over to share an intimate night of loving. She told him, "I have a surprise for you, just wait and see. I'll be over there a quarter to three." As three struck the clock, she was nowhere in sight, Clint became flustered and called it a night. When Snowdrops arrived, no one answered the door. She let herself in and gave Clint all that was in store. With her shovel themed strapon accompanying her Dampé cosplay, she awoke Clint from his slumber with a poke; ramming it into his asshole as she began to stroke his cock. Snowdrops was living out her dream; she had always wanted to be a guy, by fucking Clint from behind while stroking his dick, she imagined that his cock was simply an extension of her. She reached a euphoric state; imagining she was Billy Herrington, she yelled out, "I'M CUMMING!" This mighty roar forced her to thrust forward too hard, pushing Clint's face into the headboard of his bed, knocking him out. In this moment of climax, exhaust hit Snowdrops equally as hard as she fell to her side and dropped into a deep slumber.

Dampé's words to Clint.

"Another child died today Clint. He was terrified. I wished I could merge with his fear and slip into a saccharine foreverscream. But this is my duty Clint, have you stopped missing my heart piece? Have you ever looked into my grave? Have you ever tasted what you were chewing? You shuffling, bumbling, crusty dumb fuck ant Clint. If I pelted you with rocks who would hear the dumb scream? If I set myself on fire and smothered you who would die first? You're a tumor Clint, but God made cancer, just like he made graves, except I dig those graves. Does that make me more than a man? They call you a "bad streamer" but they will never drink from the fat and rotten juices, they are unfit to be in the kingdom of Heaven and Hell Clint. You are cut from the nape of the Earth, you little bitty ant. DON'T TRY TO GET MY HEART PIECE!! CLIIIIIIIIIINT!!!!

"You stumble onto the stream drunk and your bits are all cut away, Clint. Did you let someone get to them? Did you snip them off yourself? You won't tell me. Instead you sit front of the camera, sagging and staring at the screen, hoping for a first try heart piece. Your bits are still bleeding Clint. Chunks soak into Chairfu. You'll be fine tomorrow, Clint."

"You live here, Clint. You are in between Hyrule and the real world, trapped in my graveyard, but you live here. I breathe you in sometimes. It makes me remember innocence. I scream and shake inside of my grave. I try to climb out but I slip on a mucousy flannel. I catch a glimpse of you on the way down, just outside of the graveyard. Your smile all pus and burn scars. Whose face will it be tomorrow? Clint, I am your keeper. I just can't seem to find my heart piece."

"A thousand failed attempts couldn't molest my love for you, Clint. It runs through the wires and the programming and the number generator and the flesh. It died 7 years ago with me. It's pumped up again from a black river bottom and vomited onto naked little bodies. Can I remove myself from its fate? Can you? The chat picks at you like a great big feast. Clint, your desperate begs for the piece were always clear. I just didn't want to hear. But now it doesn't matter. Now you will see tomorrow. A thousand million subs melted for you. A hundred thousand writhing scornful tongues watching your every failure. It's a wonderful world and that's all that there is. You will never escape. Tell me you're happy you little ant. Tell me to give you my heart. Summit1g has hosted you for six hundred and sixty six viewers."

"Strive for your next breath, you big bad ant. Believe that with it you can do more than with the last one. Use your breath to power your capacities. Capacity to eat, to HESS, to complain. And just where do your capacities come from, Clint? Why do you always go where I want and do as I say, without question, tripping over my every flame. Perhaps you're just running a fool's errand, doing everything as I've planned, never able to change your course. You would do well to believe that I know it isn't much unlike how you can't change your category- being 100% after 100%- just as i can decipher the chaotic motion of your RNG for each sacrificed bomb, each desperately grabbed blue rupee all meant as motion against me, your valued gravedigger, for a choice circumstance."

"Or perhaps that is not the case."

"Perhaps you are doing what you were meant to do. Your animalistic mentality screams for vengeance and thrives on the hunger for PB's that you say you can hardly endure. I had many times beckoned you to give me ten rupees for your prize, but to always receive green is your jurisdiction. Do you care about that heart piece, or do you use that heart piece as an excuse? An excuse to exist in a world where your merits are ill-conceived and nigh impossible for the chat's demands that plague your everyday lazy life. A world where violence is only a silencing of Juno away. A haze of laughter to come, but you and I both know what truly you wish for in that abrasion of what is Kakariko."

"Your fellow streamers are constantly fighting for life on the streets outside. Every breath, every motion bring them one instant closer to their death. With that kind of heritage and destiny, how can you deny yourself? How can you expect yourself to give up violence? It is your nature."

"Do you feel free, Clint?"