Me'ekap's Myths of Convergence

An anthology of legends and stories related to Convergence.

## Transcript:

Welcome to this first volume collecting the mythologies of our Converged Worlds! I am Me’ekap of Ossuary and my role in our Great Library has been to study and compile the stories we tell ourselves! This first volume has taken me 10 years to compile due to the continued slipperiness of memory in our fair Convergence. These myths have been pieced from written materials and direct interviews. I hope that this collection will inspire us all to continue to remember the diversity of our community.

I will end my intro with a new jump rope song that seems to have been born among the younger generations. It appears to be inspired by images on the walls of the Eemian cathedral. The Walrus Mop has also become a popular Garbage Day costume among the younger post-Convergence generations.

The Walrus Mop is an image that even the Eemains don’t seem to know the origins of. My quest for uncovering these stories will continue in Volume 2!

See the Walrus with a Mop for a Tail!
Whiskered smile and water in his pail.
See the Cathedral gleam and shine.
Bright and crisp like a sheet of Ice-IX!
Don’t cross the walrus while he lurks.
Or he’ll mop you and put your butt to work.
How many hours will you work?
1..2..3..4..(etc.)

Me’ekap C+27.70

# Eemian Folktales

## Rafa, Rasha, & The One On The Moon

Raba and Rasha shared a room when they were young. Late at night they'd huddle beneath their little window and look at the moon, which in those days revolved around Eemia so closely that the waves in the sea crashed into the cliffs with such ferocity that Rafa and Rasha could feel the sea mist from miles away.

The moon was so close that Rafa and Rasha could feel that gravity deep in their bones. It felt as though they'd be pushed into the ground like seeds that grow into flowers in the spring.

When the moon was full the nights were so bright it was like another day. Their parents and their neighbors would work in their gardens until long after midnight had passed. Those were the nights when the lunar flowers bloomed. They waited for this special, silvery light to unfurl and drip fluorescent pollen onto the ground, and the birds would wake, and swoon down to eat it. Those were the nights when all the animals in the jungle were restless, and cackled, and cawed, and growled, and snarled at each other from within their hiding places deep in the trees. Those were the nights when Rafa and Rasha would sit on the roof of their house and tell each other stories about The One on the Moon.

“The One On The Moon,” Rafa would tell Rasha in a whisper, “keeps watch on all the stars, because the Nula said so, because the Nula soul that not every star is kind, and not every sun is warm, and that sometimes suns can become cold.”

“But the sun is on fire,” Rasha would say, “so how could it ever be cold?”

“The One On The Moon keeps the fires going,” Rafa would say.

“The One On The Moon must be lonely,” Rasha would reply.

In the morning the sun would rise and Rafa and Rasha would go to school, but their minds would wander back up to the sky, and they’d write little stories in the margins of their schoolwork to prepare for the next full moon.

The years of their childhood passed in this idyllic way. As they grew, so did their stories of The One On The Moon.

“Do you think there's a tether?” Rasha asked, as she and Rafa watched their mother and her Navigator, The One Who Leaps, leave Eemia's atmosphere and disappear into the night sky.

“What do you mean?”

“Something that connects us to the ground. To the planet. And when we leave, it stretches, and eventually, it pulls us back. It's what makes us us, and not Nula. It's what connects us to the planet, to the ground, to the trees and the flowers. It keeps us coming back instead of staying in the stars forever.”

Raba thought about it. “I don't know. I don't feel tied to the ground.”

“Not tied... connected. Rooted.”

Rasha looked up at the moon, not quite full.

She looked at that little sliver of darkness.

“The One On The Moon has a tether. Maybe Nula all did. Maybe that's what happened to them, why we don't see them anymore. They broke their tethers. They stopped being. The Nula became the dirt, and the water, and the air. It's why the flowers glow at night, and why the fruit never stops growing. Their magic seeped into everything. It's why the Navigators take us to the stars. All of their tethers, broken, except The One On The Moon. Their tether is stretched. but it's still there, and that's why they're on the moon and not here with us, with the rest of the Navigators, here on the ground.”

“What happens to us when the tether breaks?” Rasha asked, his eyes on the part of space where their mother went, again, the third time since the new year.

“You stop being,” Rasha said, hugging her knees close to her chest. “You disappear into the stars. Like dad.”

They were quiet for a long time after that. Rafa had his little telescope with him that night on the roof, and he put it up to his eye to look at the moon. He didn't see The One On The Moon. Maybe they're in the dark part, he thought. Maybe we are, too, for anyone out there who's looking for us.

They didn't stay children forever. When Rafa turned seventeen he got into a Navigator of his own, The One Who Weaves, and stretched his own tether, deep into the night sky. Rasha was still fifteen and alone in their house. Their mother hadn't returned. On nights of the full moon she climbed the ladder up to the roof and looked at the sky, and missed her parents, and her brother. She looked up into space and thought about wormholes, and where she would go if she could. She thought about The One On The Moon, so cold and lonely, thinking about a place and a people so long gone that they could barely be considered memories—just myths. She thought about how the nights felt chilly now, how she had to wrap herself in a blanket to stay warm.

When Rasha was twenty-two her brother stopped returning home. She herself was climbing into her own Navigator, The One Who Speaks, but they didn't leave the planet. At night they ran at full speed along the ground, through the trees, tangled in vines, over the volcanic boulders, deep into caves, skimming over the water, and each night got a little colder, and each day got a little shorter. At twenty-eight she married; at thirty-one she had her only child, a boy she called Silverthorne, named after the moon and the ground, both. Some nights she held him in her arms and told him stories about The One On The Moon, and about her parents, and about Rafa.

Most nights, though, she and The One Who Speaks ran along the ground so fast they nearly hovered. Their strides grew longer and longer, faster and faster, until one night they suddenly could stand to be on the ground no longer, and up and up into the night sky they sailed, over the mountains, past the clouds, their bodies breaking free of the atmosphere, then of the gravity, and suddenly they were gone, off the planet, among the stars.

Rasha closed her eyes and felt her body become weightless, and when she opened them they were standing on the moon. The shadow was so long it stretched beyond the horizon, and there, standing on the edge of it, was The One On The Moon. Rasha and The One Who Speaks watched them for a long time. The One On The Moon was motionless, looking away from them, deep into space. Rafa, I wish you were her, Rasha thought, her breath caught in her throat, and she thought about when they were young, on the roof, Rafa’s face illuminated by moonlight… and suddenly Rafa’s face was replaced by Silverthorne’s. My little boy, Rasha thought, alone like I was.

“We have to go back.” Rasha said.

“Yes.” The One Who Speaks responded.

Rasha looked at The One On The Moon for a final time, and together she and The One Who Speaks jumped from the surface and down and down they floated, back to the ground, back to the forest, where she left The One Who Speaks. She walked alone out of the forest, picking flowers along the way, and when she returned to her front door she hesitated, and looked at the moon again. The flowers in her arms dropped some of their petals. She shivered in the cool night air. She took a deep breath, and went inside.

## Silverthorn: The Origin

Silverthorn was raised by a passel of family members, as both of his parents were Navigator pilots and were often on mysterious journeys they couldn't talk about. Silverthorne was a well-behaved child, almost to a fault, quiet and timid, but curious and kind. His parents would disappear together for weeks at a time, and after one particularly long absence, only his mother returned. She didn't tell Silverthorne what happened to his father. After that, his mother's journeys got longer and longer, until she, too, just never came home.

By that time Silverthorn was 15 and still quiet, but not as timid, and had dreams about getting into a Navigator himself and finding his parents. The world around him had started to become cold, and the Navigators were sluggish in the cold, but in movement only, their minds still sharp and ready to communicate with the little humans inside. There was no training: either it accepted you or it didn’t, and if it didn’t that was the end of your career as a pilot, and if it did, a bond formed that eliminated the need for any sort of learning.

Silver had meant to find his parents, but the moment he got into the Navigator, and it embraced him in a sort of psychic bond, he determined to see the world and reach heights real and imagined that his small body couldn’t achieve on its own. He had no intuition about his parents.

He didn’t feel they were alive, or dead, or anywhere. Maybe they were nowhere, out of the universe entirely. It was possible.

No one was used to the cold. Walls were thin, tools were thatched, and when the first snows came there was much confusion about what to do or what not to do, what kind of ice held your weight and which kind crumbled beneath, how to protect toes and fingers from the burning blackness that lead to infection. Many people abandoned their little houses entirely and retreated to caves that had long ago been home to ancestral strangers. Their little illustrations of animals and flowers and the sun and moon were still on the cave walls. It was a comfort, and soon thicker clothes were sewn, and heartier shoes were cobbled, and everyone knew the clear ice was for skating and the white ice was to be avoided.

That first winter, Silverthorn got into his Navigator and left. Navigators didn't have names in the way Eemians had names: there was a feeling from them, a nonverbal way of knowing who they were, or what, and what they wanted, and where they wanted to go. Silver could say yes, or no, and some sort of negotiation would happen in an instant, and off they went. They went to a swamp, where a witch showed them what types of plants were good for eating, and what kind of magic wasn't to be trusted. They went to a great city, the type of which Silver had only heard about in stories, so dense with people his Navigator had to be left at the city’s edge, waiting patiently, looking for flowers the witch had told them about. They crawled through a dark catacomb, where the city people said there was gold, and jewels, and other fabulous things the princes and princesses of the past had tried and failed to take with them into death, but Silver and his Navigator didn’t find any.

Silver didn't find his parents. In the city the people told him they had heard of no such people. In the swamp the witch told him to look only to the stars.

And at the end of each day, Silver climbed out of the Navigator and perched himself on its head, watching the sunset, bracing himself against the cold winds coming from every direction, thinking about the kinds of magic that could pluck two people from this place and carry them away on a wind of stars.

## Helia

In the time before, Eemia had three suns, but time has a way of creating and destroying at it's own will. One sun was extinguished, and the planet was threatened with an ice age that would destroy most living things on Eemia.

The Nula came with the Navigators, and push the planet closer to the two surviving suns. But the planet, in its own volition, would slip continually from its new place. So Eemia must use the Navigators to warp space and time to keep the planet alive.

But, as with all things, there are consequences to temporary solutions. The ones before spoke of a place called Helia. No Eemian has ever been to Helia for long, and lived to tell the story.

Those who have witnessed the great unexplored space, say that it is a place of permanent nothing. Not the stillness that brings peace or contemplation, but a kind of stasis that inflicts an utter lack of being.

Helia does not cause a lack of life, but instead a lack of being.

One does not experience consciousness or the passage of time.

As the Navigators warp space to keep Eemia close to the active suns, many of the pilots get lost in Helia.

So went the story of The mother of the boy named for the moon and the ground. When this son went in search of his mother in Helia his mere presence caused the very thing the Navigators warped space and time to prevent.

The boy named for the moon and the ground caused the ice age after a thousand years of stability.

## Three Sun Zodiac

There are 9 months in an Eemian year, and  9 zodiac signs, each interpreted by what sun was most prominent in the sky in the month of birth.

Silent Summer

1. É
2. Ém
3. Élé

loalli:

Mid Summer

1. Élya
2. Éyéca
3. Étopol

omé:

High Summer

1. Élétlée
2. Émétémée
3. Éxétahual

Format: sun signs

Example:

Someone born in the third month Élé, was born under Acana and their sign would be Acana-Élé.

## Before Mythology

Before the loss of Eemia's largest sun Omé, the planet went through three seasons of summer, determined by the sun the planet was closest to: Silent Summer (Acana), Mid Summer (Loalli), and High Summer (Omé).

### Acana: Silent Summer (water signs)

Those born in the months of É, Ém, Élé and born under the sun Acana during the season of Silent Summer. Silent Summer is the coolest time of year on Eemia, so called because during this time many jungle birds go quiet in preparation for nesting season during Mid Summer. Eemians born during Silent Summer are generally considered to have a high emotional sensitivity and intelligence, but often prefer to be alone.

### Acana-É

Eemians born in the first month of É are especially sensitive to the emotions of others around them, as well as the natural vibrations of the planet. They are the most attached of any Acana to the sun itself.

Symbol: Sea serpent

### Acana-Ém

Eemians born in the second month under Acana are gifted with words, and are often poets and storytellers. They have strong memories to the point that many of their have memories of their own infancies.

Symbol: Dugong

### Acana-Élé

Third month Acana Eemians have a strong connection to the unknown, and are natural empaths. They have a special emotional relationship with Yeyi, one of the four constellations sacred to all Eemians.

Symbol: Octopus

### Loalli: Mid Summer (wind signs)

Those born in the months of Élya, Éyéca, Étopol are born under the sun Loalli during the season of Mid Summer. Mid Summer is Eemia's spring, and is celebrated as a time of birth, growth, and learning. Eemians born during Mid Summer are community-oriented, good with children and animals, and natural problem solvers. They are even-headed and cool under pressure.

### LoaIli-Élya

Fourth month Eemians have an innate curiosity that drives them to question everything. They are often scientists, looking to unlock the mysteries of the universe. They have a special connection to weather, and can predict oncoming storms without looking at the sky.

Symbol: Nine-winged hawk

### Loalli-Éyéca

Fifth month Eemians are natural communicators, and often take on leadership roles within their communities. They don’t just excel at communication with peers — it’s said they can also communicate with spirits and the dead.

Symbol: Bat

### Loalli-Étopol

Sixth month Eemians are good with directions, and can navigate by the stars and winds, making them excellent hunters and guides.

Symbol: Albatross

### Omé

Those born in the months of Élétlée, Émétémée, Éxétahualare are born under the sun Omé in the season of High Summer. This is the time of year when the jungles are their most vibrant, colorful, and alive, and as such, High Summer Eemians are creative, have a strong wanderlust, a special relationship with nature, and, frequently, fiery dispositions.

### Omé-Élétlée

Seventh month Eemians are free spirits, and don’t tend to stay in one place for long, both physically and in life. They feel most at home in the jungles, and are athletically gifted, preferring to travel by foot. They are remarkably charismatic, and make friends everywhere they go. Symbol: Tree snake

### Omé-Émétémée

Eight month Eemians are aesthetically gifted, and are often artists or musicians. They are ambitious and tend to dedicate their lives to their work. They can see colors and hear sounds that others can't.

Symbol: River otter

### Omé-Éxétahual

Eemians born in the last month of the year have the most unique and sensitive bond with nature. They can communicate not only with animals, but with trees and other plantlife, and can feel their joys and pain. This power waxes and wanes with High Summer.

Symbol: Two-headed wildcat

## Two Sun Zodiac

Eemia didn't just lose Omé—the planet also lost three months, and three zodiac signs. Eemian astrologists had to completely reconfigure the Zodiac to respond to the planet's changes.

arcana:

Dark Winter

1. É
2. Ém
3. Élé

loalli:

Auroean Winter

1. Élya
2. Éyéca
3. Étopol

## After Mythology

After the loss of Eemia's largest sun Omé, the planet went through profound environmental and cosmological reconsummation, culturally these new stories developed regarding newborn children.

### Acana: Dark Winter (ice signs)

Those born in the Dark Winter months of É, Ém, and Élé begin their lives in the darkest and coldest part of the year. Because of this, they have heightened senses of hearing and sight. However, they are also sensitive to the spirits and memories of the planet, and have something akin to empathic and psychic abilities.

### Acana-É

First month Eemians are very emotionally attuned to the people around them. They have a special relationship with the four sacred constellations, and their empathic abilities vary in strength depending on what constellation is in the sky, with Yeyi giving them their strongest powers.

Symbol: Ermine

### Acana-Ém

Second month Eemians are said to have a strong connection to the past, and can “feel” past events just by being present in the places where they took place. Because of this, they are sought after by the Kaleidogoths.

Symbol: Snow fox

### Acana-Élé

Third month Eemians are studious, technologically inclined, and have unusually strong memories, and learn new concepts and languages very quickly. They often become teachers or Kaleidogoths.

Symbol: Muskox

### Loalli: Auroean Winter (glow signs)

Those born in the Aurorean Winter months of Élya, Éyéca, Étopol come into the world in the brightest months of the year, when the aurora is active almost all of the time.

Like the aurora, they are always moving in some way, whether physically or intellectually. They are artistically inclined and the most likely to want to stay within Convergence.

### Loalli-Élya

Fourth month Eemians are musically talented, and seem to have some of the strongest connections with the Navigators. In present times, they often become Kaleidogoths, or leave Eemia to pursue music studies in other Convergence worlds. They are outgoing and talkative.

Symbol: Seal

### Loalli-Éyéca

Fifth month Eemians often pursue creative physical endeavors, like dance. They are adept hunters, and have a special connection with whales. They are brave and not shy about taking risks in life. They seem to be the least affected by the cold.

Symbol: One-horned Whale

### Loalli-Étopol

Sixth month Eemians are more introverted than other Auroean Winter Eemians. They are artistically talented, and often feel that the most important experience in life is to leave Eemia culture completely in favor of Convergence. They often have prophetic dreams, but don’t always remember them.

Symbol: Puffin

# Immensity Myths

## Vuu the Sun-Eater from Myths of Immensity by Krr

In the sky, the sun would double. It would look like lights far in a cave. Then the light would go out. The ancestors spoke of a time of great darkness. Mass deaths. The cycles of it. The sun would vanish at the ends of eras, then would return at the start of another.

The great sun-eater Vuu would come like a cloud, a great hand, and engulf our source of light whole. For many days it would feed and the waters would go cold and blank. Many things would not see the light return.

Vuu would feed. Vuu would vanish.

Once we emerged from the water the eras seemed to not end or begin. A time of all sun came. We looked at our ancestors, and the ones who stayed in the water with sadness. They had been fooled by the fears of a non-existent god.

After many eras the great city emerged. We Mollusko learned to live in air. Then a great cloud of green appeared in the sky. It seemed to wrap the entire sky in green. For many months all was dark. Rain became solid. Water formed crystals.

The great Vuu wants to leech life from the Mollusko. It craves the power of light and warmth. It wants our world for itself. To eat.

We defeated the Vuu by covering the entire sea in Immensity. By remaking it into Mollusko. We are sad for those left in the waters But we no longer fear, though we know Vuu must have gone somewhere.

Pitter patter go the feet
Of delinquents on C Street.
Young and old, rich and poor
They dump the things they want no more.
They rip, and tear, and cast aside
All the things they once gave pride.
So I lay wait, and creep, and crawl
For the treasures big and small.
I do not keep them or adore
Because to me they are much more.
I have no mother, no father, no maker
But perhaps I am something greater.
My teeth, my claws, my fist, my horns
Are the prized possessions you once adorned.
“Brochax is real!” they scream in fear
As they see me coming near.
I am the trash you cost aside,
If I were you, I'd run and hide.

## The Last Stop - A Fragment

This fragment comes from the pages of a badly damaged book discovered in the recesses of the library. It is unclear when it was written, or by who. I include it here purely as an item of interest since “The Last Stop” is now associated with QDOT and their new initiatives. I have chosen to identify it as from Immensity because of several oral tales about a mythical TRAM stop that none returned from on that planet. Brackets denote missing pieces of text. —Me’ekap C+27.20

                              ]
       ] at the broken doorway
                              ] there
                              ] last stop
             ] what could one do in the face of this empty eye?
             ]
             ] battered knees do not carry [  ] any longer
                              ]
                              ] like children
       swinging on the line
       we
                              ]
                              ]

# Tales of the Ossuary

## In Search of the Glimmer

It's beauty is far too complex to describe. Any attempt at relaying the overwhelming feeling of seeing the brightest star in the multiverse is derogatory. What is required to accurately praise The Glimmer is not words, but work.

As the first sun rises. I awake to meet the light. I have always been an early riser, preferring to meet the sky before the others have left their cots. Since the days of my youth. I have regarded the process of building as important yet daunting. So before I grab my tools I say a short mantra to myself,

“Between the joy of living, and the sorrow of death

lies the necessary redundancy of work”

From the time the second sun sets until the time the fourth sun rises, I can barely see beyond the sweat gathering atop my scales. The glistening embodiment of my continuous skilled labor is the sacrifice I make for the greater good of my people. I am simply a link in the chain that will guide all Y'ruk's to The Glimmer.

When I have weakened beyond repair, I will be replaced by a stronger link. This does not bring me sorrow. For I know that until we reach the great star in the sky, there will always be another and another who believes in the accomplishments of our people and will step in line to build the great stairway to beauty.

## The Slow Moving Woman

Once there was a feeling. Like a gust of wind, or a chill up your spine. The feeling was fleeting, almost as if it never happened at all, but all of us, everyone, felt it. And we went on as if we never felt the feeling, Living the same lives we had before it came to us. And many of us never shared that we had a similar feeling. We thought the feeling was solitary. And then one day an old woman born of a tree told us the story of an even older woman.

The feeling, the gust, the chill was not a feeling at all. It was a woman. Her name no one knew. Her essence we all felt. The old woman born of a tree told of a woman who mourned. What she mourned, no one knew. But she mourned the way they mourned on the old grey rock. They mourned as a vocation, dedicating their lives to whom they grieved.

This woman, older than the woman born of a tree, had a mourning vocation that many didn't understand. But they respected it. The Slow Moving Woman did just that. She moved at such a pace that she could not be registered. The feeling, the gust of wind, the chill up our spines, was her passing through. Slower than the eye can see. Choosing to mourn by subverting time itself.

## A Knowing Kin

What is true can only be made true by those who possess the power of knowing. Knowledge, contrary to popular belief, is not something we all wish to be afforded. Some of us dream of the abyss. The emptiness of the unknown embraces those of us who do not seek. And for those of us who follow questions, instead of avoiding them, we are given the distinct responsibility of never unknowing.

Our kindred are born with that distinct responsibility. And the chosen of us are tasked with an even greater burden. We are to not only know of the now, but to know of what is to be. Those who are liberated by the lightness of a lack of discernment could never understand the weight of the prophecies. And thus they are not expected to understand.

Those of us who are chosen still must forewarn even those who do not wish to carry the load of knowledge. And so a book was born, not written. Born of the parents of the future. In this book those of us who are chosen tell of the unthinkable. The prophecy of a mass unknowing. In fear that those who may wish to live in the unknowing would believe this to be a cause of celebration, we were tasked with the birth of the tome. To know is only but a first step.

The tome grew a great column of stone around it. A cocoon where the words would grow in power and find their final destination and caretaker. Possessing the knowledge of this, the kindred accepted and dispersed.

## The Origin of Oss

At the mythic start of everything, the cosmos was unimaginably deep with folds of dark silence, energies swirled and combined, became new things that slept and woke. Into this came a whisper, a lone sound in the void. This Source was the beginning of intention, creativity, imagination. But there was nothing to respond.

In the young universe, things began to form. A great mass of rock assembled in the darkness and began to etch everything it saw onto itself. The rock reached out into the void and the whisper responded. The Source came alive once the two combined. The psychic interaction allowing the whisper to become a true presence. For a thousand thousand years, in the early swirling cosmos, the whisper and the floating rock existed together.

Over millennia the universe settled, erupted, and shifted, pieces were moved across the board, objects formed, and coalesced into systems. Planets and stars erupted into life. The ancient whisper became locked within these new celestial bodies. Became part of them. Intrical to their survival. The rock was broken into The Great Sentient Asteroid Field and began to roam the newly birthed multiverse as individuals that were once a whole.

A lonely eon passed. Then another. Old stars died and new one's took their place. The Asteroid Field grew and broke into smaller Fields. Each asteroid held tightly to the record of The Source within them. Ossuary was new to the cosmos. Life was just beginning. A small group of Asteroids drifted near and eventually were pulled into the gravitational field of the planet. One became a small moon. The rest descended in a shower of rock and fire.

The rocks buried themselves deep into the planet's surface. They melted and reformed into layers of bright translucent crystal. Settled, they drifted to sleep, they remembered everything, and around them the world began to evolve. The Y'ruk would rise on this planet, would name the crystals Oss, and build a great civilization.

Perhaps on other worlds Oss and Source were reunited, allowing their conversation to continue, expand, and become something more.

# Earthling Myths

## Denver and the Cheeseburger

It has been told that the very first \*cheeseburger was invented in the great city of Denver, Colorado. Some time in the early 1930’s Louis E. Ballast was doing what he loved, frying up burgers at his beloved Humpty Dumpty Barrel Restaurant. Humpty Dumpty was well known as Colorado’s first fast food drive-in.

In 1935, Mr. Ballast made it official by registering the cheeseburger trademark. Although detractors speculate that there was a cheeseburger on the 1934 menu of Kaelin’s in Louisville, Kentucky, Humpty Dumpty Barrel Restaurant has a stone marker where the restaurant once stood to literally solidify its spot as the birthplace of the cheeseburger.

There was always a line wrapped around the building at Humpty’s. Their signature burgers and top of the line service kept the citizens of Denver, and Colorado as a whole, coming back for more. As business began to pick up, Mr. Ballast found himself in need of back-up. Not only was he the owner of Humpty Dumpty, he was also the big man in charge at the grill. One day when the drive-in was exceptionally crowded, Mr. Ballast accidentally spilled cheese on his hamburger grill. That accident turned into one of the greatest inventions of all time.

\*Cheeseburger comes from the root word “burger”. A burger is a piece of meat taken from the forequarter of an earth animal called a cow. That piece of meat is placed between two pieces of bread called buns (from the earth grain wheat and flour). It can be adorned with what humans called “condiments” that come in various bright colors. As well as the less popular “vegetables” (or toppings as they may be called) which are simply fresh earth plants.

## The Great Bearded Chimney Man

A certain sect of Earthlings are said to believe in the legend of an old, portly man of many names. He is called Kris Kringle, St. Nicholas, and most notably Santa Claus. He is purported to reside in a part of the planet called the North Pole.

Much like Eemia, it is supposedly covered in snow throughout all seasons. There he has a factory, where he, or as it has been alleged a captive people by the name of “elves”, make toys for children all over the planet. Mr. Kringle decides which child receives the yous based on a binary called the baughty and nice lists. If children are nice (to the standards of St. Nicholas) they receive the toys. If children are so-called naughty, they receive a lump of coal.

On one night every four seasons, Santa Clause puts all of the toys in his sleigh. He is then guided by nine earth animals called reindeer through the snowy night to every house on earth. Scientists believe that on earth time is measured through seconds, minutes, hours, days. weeks, months, and years, decades, centuries, millenia, and so on.

There are approximately two billion earthlings who acknowledge the yearly travel of Mr. Kringle, therefore there are two billion houses that one man and his nine reindeer must visit in one night. A night is approximately half a day, or 12 hours. For most earthlings, this task would be impossible. Laughable even. But Old St. Nicholas has the power to climb down the chimneys of 2 billion homes each year to deliver toys or coal.

Many earthlings claim to have busted the myth of the great bearded chimney man. But each year, each second really, there are new souls who enter the planet and a new generation invigorates the legend of Santa Claus.