Classic Adventures of PWNage! No. 16: Gung-Ho Gundam

## The Story

The year is 2000, and many TV stations are broadcasting the magnificent Jett Gyro's heroic deeds all across Japan. Stopping monsters, plugging volcanoes, and all of the sort.

He appears as sponsors in commercials, Super Bowl ads, you name it? Jett Gyro's done it. Eventually in 2012, He takes off into the sky, saying that he feels Earth has it's own heroes, and the galaxy needs, quoted by him, a God! The mecha blasts off into space, as the crowd around him cries in joy, hoping he may one day return.

It is now 2019, and people crowd around tvs all around the city of Chicago, as the Fabled Jett Gyro is apparently returning to Earth! The Crowd parts for Chad and Ejay, who are extremely excited to tell the others what they see.

Jett Gyro lands roughly in Japan, but he seems to be in a panic, and for good reason. Apparently, his presence on Earth was keeping away an ancient space titan, named "Pranett Eyghta", a massive solar system gobbler, who snacks on the most powerful planets in the universe as a food source.

At first, many people think he is joking, but he shows footage of his rapid approach. Jett Gyro estimated the titan will arrive in three days, but not to worry, for he believes that him, and a few other brave heroes have the power to stop him, calling upon Earth's greatest defenders to aid him.

Spiral darts up the street next to his friends, holding Circa, (both of them clearly interrupted from something :smirk:) and shouts that he just heard, and that Aiden is on his way as well.

The EDF all meet with Mayor Billsbroke, who tells them that they have a teleporter to Mishimishi robotics ready, where they will meet Jett Gyro for their mission briefing. Every member squeals at eachother with excitement before The Mayor pushes them in the portal hurriedly.

The team falls out in front of the Japanese engineers, and quickly all stand up, saluting them. They point over to the side of their Giga warehouse to outside, where the massive Jett Gyro stands, with his hands behind his back.

They all excitedly rush up to him, as he turns around to greet them happily. He briefs them all that a suit of their own is being devised, in order to nearly match him in strength, and it should be done a day before the arrival of the space-titan, but for now, they must train using simulations.

They all suit up in their mecha gear, and hop in their simulation pods, where Jett Gyro awaits them in a white void, neurologically connected to the virtual battleground.

All 5 members suit up, with Chad getting the head, Aiden getting the left hand, which can summon Neo-plasmatic weaponry, Ejay getting the right hand, being able to fire a deadly plasma beam, that directly connects to his power, allowing maximum force, and Spiral & Circa getting the legs, in order to ensure the mecha has maximum speed.

They spar with Jett Gyro, learning the basics of Mecha Teamwork, with Jett Gyro telling them they're naturals at it, and saying they're perfect for the mission! After their training for the day is complete, they get used to their new digs for the moment, while they gawk at their rooms, and geek out about the whole situation in general, from their awesome evangelion style suits, to their new best friend.

That night at dinner, they are each served stylized gourmet by top tier chefs, while they video call Jett. They ask what he eats, to which he stops and thinks, saying he doesn't really eat anything. This reminds Chad of the imminent threat, causing him to question why Pranett would want to eat Earth.

Jett tells them that after he left, Earth became a target for him, but Chad says that didn't answer his question. Why does he want to eat Earth? Jett stutters for a moment, before quickly explaining that he can sense the planet's inner power, and that many different beings traffic to Earth, thus bringing different opportunities for energy.

The days pass quickly, and Jett Gyro deems them worthy of helping him, congratulating them at their ceremony the day before Pranett is assumed to arrive. That night, Aiden has a horrifying nightmare. He awakens in a wasteland, filled with the blurred bodies of many large, humanoid creatures. He turns around to find Ejay, slumped up against a piece of their mecha, now destroyed and demolished. He rushes over to him, kneeling by his body, and trying to shake Ejay awake, but his upper half slumps forward, revealing his exposed spine. Aiden shrieks, and looks around more, slowly realizing that he is the only member left.

He begins to tremble with fear, as he finally looks into the distance, spotting a massive shadow looming in the distance, that emits a deep, booming, metallic roar, before he wakes up in a cold sweat.

He looks at his clock, and sees that it is 7 am, so he gets up early to make some waffles for him and his team, attempting to forget about his nightmare, knowing that the outcome will not be the same, for the Amazing Jett Gyro will be there to help.

Eventually, the siren sounds, and it's time to suit up. The EDF begins their Mecha transformation, and connect together in their Jett suit, dubbed the "Earth Barrier"

The Earth Barrier shakes hands with Jett Gyro, who congratulates them for finally being ready to fight this foe, and that their training will equal absolute victory for Earth. The two mechas blast off together, landing on Tokedaichi Island, where Pranett can be seen from Earth's surface, about to make contact. Jett Gyro tells the EDF not to worry, and that he is no match for all of them.

Pranett is nearing Earth's atmosphere, and Earth Barrier and Jett Gyro launch up at it, slamming into it's chest, with it being stunned, and ceasing moving entirely. Jett Gyro continues to fly into outer space, while the Earth Barrier beats up on the titan, but to their surprise, it does not flinch.

In fact, it has this... Strange, blank stare in it's eyes, like it isn't even awake...

Or alive.

The Earth Barrier positions itself behind the Titan, and all of them recoil in horror, as it's entire back, down to it's waist, has been entirely ripped open, with a spine completely missing from it's insides. The EDF, wondering what could've done this, turns toward the direction Jett Gyro flew off to to ask what possibly could've happened, but before they can finish their thought, they are interrupted by Jett Gyro holding a massive ball of Plasmatic energy he gathered from the Sun.

He says nothing, before holding the ball in front of himself, and blasting a powerful beam of plasma directly at them. The beam hits the Chest of the Earth Barrier, launching them backward through the gore of the dead titan, and completely disabling the chest of the Mecha.

The EDF and the massive corpse are sent barreling back to Earth, crashing through the atmosphere, and colliding with the island. Through the giant hole they created in it's body, the Titan reveals Jett Gyro, rocketing toward them, fist first, who pushes the gargantuan body away, back into the cold abyss of space.

Jett Gyro flips forward, landing foot first onto the Earth Barrier's chest, as the EDF all recoil in pain from the impact. Jett Gyro begins to lecture them about how they are in his way, and that Earth was his before the EDF was even conceived, but they're not to worry. After he's done Earth will still view them as glorious heroes...

Forever.

Chad attempts to talk back to the now visibly crazed traitor, but the head of the Earth Barrier is smashed in by Jett's fist, much to the dismay of the other members. The remaining members attempt to leave their metallic tombs, but are not allowed to exit, their systems being under Jett Gyro's control.

Jett Gyro begins tearing limbs off of the mech, with Aiden's arm being first, causing Ejay's arm to turn over and try blasting him, but Ejay is shocked very badly, due to his part of the mech being sabotaged, and directing all of his attacking energy back into him.

Jett Gyro rips off both legs, tearing off the feet, where Spiral and Circa pilot them, and dumps them out onto the ground like pill bottles. They land safely, but circa is pinned under some of the debris dropped by Jett Gyro.

Spiral attempts to help, but the looming shadow of Jett Gyro's fist soon darkens atop them, as it grows closer and closer. His fist collides, but it seems to have been stopped early, by Chad, now in his Chrome Glaze. Jett, now annoyed, steps back a bit and charges a large plasma beam once more, hoping to eradicate all 3 of them. Chad seizes his charge by rippling up his arm, practically shredding it with his strength, which brings Jett great pain, a pain he has never felt before.

Enraged, he swats at Chad like a fly, but accidentally puts a hole in his other hand, angering him more. Jett Gyro takes a deep breath to launch Chad back down to the dirt with a sonic scream, like his. Chad rockets toward the ground, but is caught by a winged Aiden, flying alongside Ejay, in his solar soldier armor. Jett uses his laser vision, but Ejay catches it in his hands, rerouting it right back into his eyes. The group gets to Spiral and Circa for a small breather, as Jett Gyro groans in pain about his injuries.

They all try to free the trapped Circa, but she seems to be injured too heavily, even without the debris on her. Spiral begins to tear up, as Jett Gyro yells at the remaining heroes to face him once more. He lies Circa back, telling her this won't take long, before going Burst, and standing with his team.

Jett Gyro cackles at the team, and dares them to die by his hand, destroyed or not. Spiral, Chad, Ejay, and Aiden charge at the Mad Mecha, using their full strength, but in the fight, Aiden and Ejay are soon knocked down by his intense power.

Spiral and Chad put up a tremendous fight, but are eventually also stricken by Jett Gyro's strength, and Spiral lands right next to Circa, both of them heavily Injured. Jett Gyro falls to his knees, and holds his hand forth, charging a final, devastating laser.

All members of the EDF begin to slowly crawl to one another, holding eachother's hands, and embracing one another. Spiral looks Circa in the eyes, and as his power drains, he kisses her one more time.

However, the dormant genes in Circas cloned dna are activated by Spiral's active Burst form, and a large explosion of light shines out from her chest. Jett Gyro covers his eyes with his broken arm, and he looks back to witness Circa, her hair glowing a bright scarlet, and her orange accents turning a searing crimson.

She yells at the machine, screaming that he is finished, before grabbing all the other members, and "recharging" them. They all rise into the air to meet his eyeline, and clasp hands this time as a sign of determination, instead of a final show of love for eachother.

The Earth Defense Force gives it their all, each of them striking Jett with the most strength they can muster.

Eventually, Jett Gyro crashes to the Earth, nearly dead. His body is destroyed, and The EDF isn't even started. Chad repeats what Circa says, and claims that his fight, is over.

Jett Gyro pulls a bored expression, before he states

"Eh... Earth blows anyway."

Jett Gyro takes his head off with his only working arm, and tosses it into space, screaming slurs in Japanese on his way out.

All of the team exit their super forms, battered and beaten, (with Aiden being naked from his transformation to add insult to injury), and take a rest against a broken leg of the Earth Barrier. They all rejoice together, hugging one another and saying their appreciations, as Ejay looks over to the Japanese horizon, spotting several helicopters flying over to them.

The choppers land, and the constructors of the Earth Barrier step out, asking if they are okay, and what happened to Jett Gyro. Chad turns around to the headless body of the traitor.

In a conference meeting, Chad, and the rest of the EDF all report that Jett Gyro heroically gave his life to save Earth, in order to preserve his legendary image for the people of the world.

\*After Credits Page\*

Jett Gyro's head floats around in space, singing September Rain, his favorite song. Inside his "head", Hiro can be seen as a blue outline, like a soul, with the Being that gave him his powers floating by him.

"What's wrong, humanity?"

Hiro stares in silence for a minute.

"I don't want to be a God anymore."

Jett's head is in a wide view of the cold emptyness of space, as Hiro begins to hum September Rain once more.

## Trivia

* The phrase that Jett Gyro says when throwing his head away is "さよならマザーファッカー", Which, in Japanese, loosely translates to "Goodbye motherfuckers!"
* I really hope that we can use Gung-ho Gundam as the title