Melmac

> Melmac. That was the name of my planet. It's also what it was made out of.
>
> Gordon "ALF" Shumway, 1986

**Melmac** was an extragalactic planet home to the sapient Melmacian species. In 1985, the entire planet exploded due to a nuclear holocaust. The reason for this cataclysm, whether it was deliberate or accidental, is not known, although Gordon Shumway once joked that the real reason was that all Melmacians plugged their hair dryers in at the same time.

The word "melmac" also refers to the substance that the planet was made of.

Melmac was located in the same tri-planet area as Xerxes IV.

Despite being considered a planet, Melmac was an irregular body, far from spherical in shape. Its gravity, atmosphere and environmental conditions were similar enough to Earth's to allow Melmacians to survive comfortably on the latter. It had oceans and continents, and was orbited by at least one moon. The moon wasn't normally green, but appeared green under certain atmospheric conditions, or when someone threw up on it.

At least in some places and under some conditions, Melmac might have had an orange sky and green clouds.

Prior to its destruction, Melmac was also home to a large variety of species, including the medically-important herb carl shrub. Its fauna included cats, cockroaches, slugs, fish, pit termites and dog-like creatures called vespas. It was also home to bloodsucking parasitic creatures called Jaffees, which could assume the form of their hosts.

Gold, silver and platinum were so common on Melmac that they were virtually worthless and commonly used for mundane utilities, such as plumbing. Foam and gravel, on the other hand, were considered extremely valuable on the planet. Foam reserves could be found naturally and foam could be mined from hills. Mayonnaise also occurred naturally in underground springs on the planet.

Melmacians were a mostly peaceful and technologically-advanced culture. Their technology included flying cars, robots and FTL travel. The planet was ruled by a president. The planetary motto was "Are you going to finish that sandwich?".

Melmacian military consisted of the Orbit Guard., whose motto was "to guard the orbits, whether they need it or not". According to former Orbit Guard pilot Gordon "ALF" Shumway, they mostly didn't, as Melmac was a peaceful place and most conflicts consisted of minor scuffles and name-calling.

Melmacian religion was monotheistic, centered in the god Barry. Melmacians placed a great value on history books and believed that he who destroyed a book was guilty of stealing knowledge of the past from future generations. Those who are guilty of this must ask for forgiveness in a ceremony under a green moon, in which all attendants must wear meat. Failing to perform this ritual will result in fourteen years of bad luck (or, more accurately, seven years of bad luck followed by seven years of *really* bad luck).

Courtship on Melmac consisted of three stages: exchanging left socks, trading bellybutton lint and spitting in each other's soup. Marriage existed, but it was customary for children to be born before marriage, rather than after it. Being born in wedlock was considered shameful and disgraceful on Melmac.

Famous Melmacians included Ruth, the two-headed nurse. According to Gordon Shumway, she was "the Vanna White of Melmac. And the Betty White".

One of the most popular Melmacian sports was bouillabaisseball, which is similar to Earth's baseball, but uses fish parts instead of a ball. Another popular sport was skleenball, in which participants use dustpans to try to hit a can of anchovies into the opponent's laundry basket.

Melmacian holidays included Rag On the Martians Day, St. Melmac's Day, Goomer Day and Fappiano.

The Melmacian unit of currency was the wernick, which is roughly equivalent to $10.

## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 *ALF*, s01e01, "A.L.F." (1986)
2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 2.3 *ALF*, s03e19, "Superstition" (1989)
3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 *ALF*, s02e09, "Night Train" (1987)
4. ↑ *ALF*, s03e01, "Stop in the Name of Love" (1988)
5. ↑ *ALF*, s03e10, "My Back Pages" (1988)
6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 *ALF*, s02e10, "Isn't It Romantic?" (1987)
7. ↑ *ALF*, s02e21, "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" (1988)
8. ↑ 8.0 8.1 8.2 8.3 8.4 8.5 *ALF*, s03e07-08, "Turkey in the Straw" (1988)
9. ↑ ALF, s01e04, "Pennsylvania 6-5000" (1986)
10. ↑ *ALF*, s04e03, "Lies" (1989)
11. ↑ *ALF*, s04e12, "Fever" (1989)
12. ↑ 12.0 12.1 12.2 *ALF*, s01e25, "La Cuckaracha" (1987)
13. ↑ 13.0 13.1 13.2 *ALF: The Animated Series*, s02e11, "The Slugs of Wrath" (1988)
14. ↑ 14.0 14.1 *ALF: The Animated Series*, s01e04, "Gordon Ships Out" (1987)
15. ↑ *ALF: The Animated Series*, s02e08, "The Bone Losers" (1988)
16. ↑ *ALF*, s01e10, "Baby, You Can Drive My Car" (1986)
17. ↑ *ALF: The Animated Series*, s01e06, "Pismo and the Orbit Gyro" (1987)
18. ↑ *ALF*, s02e23, "I'm Your Puppet" (1988)
19. ↑ *ALF*, s01e06, "For Your Eyes Only" (1986)
20. ↑ 20.0 20.1 *ALF*, s01e07, "Help Me, Rhonda" (1986)
21. ↑ *ALF*, s02e03, "Take a Look at Me Now" (1987)
22. ↑ *ALF*, s04e17, "Gimme That Old Time Religion" (1990)
23. ↑ *ALF*, s03e20, "Torn Between Two Lovers" (1989)
24. ↑ *ALF*, s02e04, "Wedding Bell Blues" (1987)
25. ↑ *ALF*, s02e07, "Oh, Pretty Woman" (1987)
26. ↑ *ALF: The Animated Series*, s01e08, "Pride of the Shumways" (1987)
27. ↑ *ALF*, s02e01, "Working My Way Back to You" (1987)
28. ↑ *ALF*, s02e25, "We Are Family" (1988)
29. ↑ *ALF: The Animated Series*, s02e04, "A Mid-Goomer Night's Dream" (1988)