Hercules and the Exiled Uncle Grandpa

**Hercules and the Exiled Uncle Grandpa** is the eleventh episode of the Punch Time Exploders Shorts.

## Plot

Uncle Grandpa recounts his story before he was banished from the High Council.

## Script

Uncle Grandpa: "(Before the viewers) Ya can probably guess that I don't have the greatest stance with the High Council. And you're probably thinkin', "Well, no duh, he wouldn't have been my choice either, he's Cartoon Network's most questionable push behind Teen Titans Go" and how I'm a total doofus. And well, okay you're not wrong. I'm not gonna pretend that I was always their first pick for everything and that the position was bestowed to me. Honestly, I just sort've invited myself in and they just begrudgingly tolerated me cause I wouldn't go away outside of my duty helping children. But... Let me retell the tale on the OTHER reason why I'm not so popular with them.

(Flashback)

(In the kingdom of Olympus, the gods and the High Council at the time celebrate the baby son of Hera and Zeus)

Hera: Hercules! (giggles) Behave yourself. (she puts him into a cradle as Zeus approaches him)

Zeus: Oh, look at this, look how cute he is... [Zeus babbles at baby Hercules and he catches Zeus by index finger and lifts above his cradle] Hah! Oh, he's strong! Like his Dad, hmm?

Hermes: (moving through a crowd of gods) Whoa! Excuse me! Hot stuff coming through! Excuse me one side, Ares. [Hermes hands Hera a bundle of glowing flowers]

Hera: Why, Hermes, they're lovely.

Hermes: Yeah, you know, I tried to have Rose do the arrangement but she brought enough gifts here, so I had to settle for Orpheus. Isn't that too nutty? (flying closer to Zeus now) Fabulous party, you know, I haven't seen this much love in a room since Narcissus discovered himself. [Narcissus is shown, staring into his mirror and making kissing sounds. Also, Baby Hercules gets one of Zeus' lightnings and plays with it]

Hera: Dear, keep those away from the baby.

Zeus: Oh, he won't hurt himself. Let the kid have a little fun.

[Baby Hercules tries to eat the lightning, gets zapped, and throws it away in frustration. Three gods jump away from its path, until Athena hits it with her sword so it hits a pillar, which immediately reappears]

Zeus: On behalf of my son, I want to thank you all for your wonderful gifts. (gestures to a pile of gifts)

Bubblegum: Cheers, Almighty Zeus!

Merlin: Yes, very lovely gifts indeed!

Unlce Grandpa: "Think he'll like my gift?"

Yen Sid: "(Sternly at Uncle Grandpa) It better not be something stupid since YOU weren't supposed to come with us."

Uncle Grandpa: "D'aw gee whiz, Yen Sid, have more faith than that."

Hera: What about our gift, dear?

Zeus: Well, let's see here. We'll take... (notices some small clouds) hmm, yes, a little cirrus, and, hmm, a touch of nimbostratus, and a dash of cumulus. [Zeus moves his hand with a little cloud on it closer to baby Hercules, and the cloud turns out to be a baby pegasus.] His name is Pegasus, and he's all yours, son. [Baby Hercules bonks his forehead against Baby Pegasus'. He whinnies and licks Hercules. They hug, letting all the gods coo, then Hera hands him to Zeus]

Hera: Mind his head.

Zeus: He's so tiny. [Baby Hercules tries to bite the medallion that hangs from his neck and then yawns] My boy. My little Hercules.

???: How sentimental. [camera moves to Hades fast after his voice is heard]

Rose Quartz: Hades.

Merlin: "(Smokes pipe unimpressed) Who else but unfortunately?"

Hades: You know, I haven't been this choked up since I got a hunk of moussaka caught in my throat! Huh? [All gods look sternly at him] So, is this an audience or a mosaic?

Yen Sid: "It's because you're more of an unideal guest than even him! (Points to Uncle Grandpa)."

Hades: Howdy to you too, Sid-man. (At others) Hey, how you doin'? Lookin' good. Nice dress. Rosie, rocking those curves like always. Merlin. Hey, who’s gonna die? Wait, don’t tell me, I wanna be surprised. [Zeus squeezes him in a hug.]

Zeus: So, Hades, you finally made it. How are things in the Underworld?

Hades: (taking Zeus' hand off his shoulder) Well, they're just fine, you know, a little dark, a little gloomy, and as always, hey, full of dead people. What are you gonna do? (he sees Baby Hercules) Ah! There's the little sunspot, little snootchie. (he weaves a sucker with a skeleton head out of thin mist) And here is a sucker for the little sucker, eh? Here you go. Ya just-- [Hercules squeezes Hades' finger, and after some fight he gets away from the baby] Sheesh! (Baby Pegasus and Amethyst laugh at this) Uh, powerful little tyke.

Zeus: (hugging Hades once again) Come on, Hades, don't be such a stiff. Join the celebration!

Hades: (getting free from the hug again) Hey, love to, babe, but unlike you gods lounging about up here and occasionally chumming with the High Council, I regrettably have a full-time gig that you, by the way, so charitably bestowed on me... Zeus. So... can't. Love to but can't. (he walks away)

Zeus: You ought to slow down, you'll work yourself to death... (he realizes what he just said) Hah! Work yourself to death! [the crowd laughs as Zeus collapses on his throne]

Pizza Steve: Good one, Big Z!

Zeus: Oh, I kill myself!

Hades: If only. (menacingly) If only...

(Later...)

Merlin was at his guest room for a bit.

Merlin: (Smokes his pipe) Ahhhh..... Not often one gets invited to Mount Olympus. (he suddenly feels something and gasps) No... (Rose barges in)

Rose: Merlin!

Merlin: Did Garnet sense it as well?

Rose: Yes. What should we do?

Merlin: "Unfortunately, it's too last minute for a lot of us to protect Hercules ourselves."

Rose: "This is a risky suggestion, but... Since Uncle Grandpa does have a habit to care for children, our, opinions of this being unsettlingly odd aside, would it not make sense to have him protect Hercules?"

Merlin: "(Sighs) He's our only option, isn't he?"

Rose: "Afraid so. But it's only for tonight. After that, we can have some of our other members take turns."

Merlin: "(Sighs), Yen Sid will never let me hear the END of this. Ugh, this is going to turn into a gigantic mess. I just know it."

(That night on Mount Olympus, the night god, Nyk drapes the night sky over the mountain)

Pizza Steve: Thanks, Nyk, baby!

Belly Bag: I still can’t believe Merlin got a warning about Hercules being kidnapped.

Pizza Steve: And I can’t believe we got to cover the first shift.

Uncle Grandpa: "Kinda because it was short noticed and as Yen said, "It's because we didn't have better options". We're kinda not otherwise their first choice." (Giant Realistic Flying Tiger growls)

Mr. Gus: I know, Tiger. But if we don’t get some sleep soon, we’ll be tired helping other kids tomorrow. (Uncle Grandpa is looking tired) Uncle Grandpa, maybe you should get some sleep.

Uncle Grandpa: I can’t sleep! What if Hercules gets kidnapped? If I can’t help him, it’ll damage my reputation as Uncle Grandpa! And worse, if the High Council finds out I slept on the job, I’d be... expelled! Cause let's be honest guys, we're not exactly really that popular with them.

Pizza Steve: "Well they didn't exactly recruit us willingly. Ya just showed up to the tower and wouldn't leave and they were forced to just lay back and accept it. Ya only got in because they gave up trying to send the hint that we're not HC material."

Uncle Grandpa: "Well yeah, but failing this job would validate that and they would go back to making leave FOR REAL THIS TIME!"

Pizza Steve: Ah, that’s not the worst thing that can happen.

Uncle Grandpa: Yeah-huh, it is!

Belly Bag: Nuh-uh, it isn’t.

Uncle Grandpa: Yeah-huh, it is!

Mr. Gus: No it isn’t.

Uncle Grandpa: Yeah-huh, it is! (GRFT growls) Yeah-huh, it is!

Pizza Steve: Okay, so it is. But everyone knows you’re helpful to everyone else. What’s one more kid? Besides, you won’t get expelled for falling asleep, if everyone else is asleep.

Uncle Grandpa: Pizza Steve... you’re right! Hercules will be sound asleep if we’re sleeping, too!

Mr. Gus: Yeah. It ain’t like anyone’s gonna get up here. But if it makes you feel any better, we can sleep out here.

Uncle Grandpa: (she’s standing next to a bed) I already set up the bed. (the UG gang gets in the bed) Sweet dreams, darlings. (they fall asleep as the shadows of Pain and Panic crawl into Baby Hercules’ bedroom, where he is seen sleeping with Baby Pegasus, and the two grab him; The sounds of glass breaking and Pain and Panic tittering make Zeus and Hera wake up.]

Zeus: Huh?

Hera: What? What is it? (they gasp)

Both: The baby! [They run to the cradle but find only Baby Pegasus, who gets unstuck from a cornucopia, and sees Baby Hercules taken from the cradle]

Hera: Hercules! Oh! [she starts sobbing as Zeus’ anger grows]

Zeus: (booming) NOOOOOOO!!! [As he screams, lightning bolts flash and a giant thunderstorm rages over Olympus.]

Uncle Grandpa's voice: "(Barges in) HUH, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHERE'S THE FIRE!? (Realized what happened) Ohh... Whoops... (Whistles and tries to leave, but bumped into a stern Yen Sid) Bad morning... Uhhh, I can explain- (Gets smacked in the head by a broom) D'OOOOOOOOOWCH?! OOOCH??! OWCH?! OWWWWWW?!

(Later that morning, at the Mysterious Tower...)

Zeus: The loss of my son is a direct result of your failure to perform your duty as a member of the High Council.

Uncle Grandpa: Well, technically, the Crystal Gems said that Hercules was mortal, so it's possible that-

Bubblegum: Please... You've said enough.

Yen Sid: Uncle Grandpa, you have been found guilty of neglecting your duty of guarding Hercules, and the sentence is... Exile. (Uncle Grandpa was about to speak)

Flora: And yes, we're back to being serious this time. Despite your good intentions, you were never High Council material.

Merryweather: The only reason we kept you around is because you were ANNOYING to deal with and impossible to remove. But this time, we have to be firm. In short, we're not tolerating your incompetent ways, anymore!

Uncle Grandpa: "Awwww, okay you guys. Can I just say sorry though?"

Rose: "Sorry Uncle Grandpa, but this isn't one of those things saying sorry can fix. You cost a prominent member's son... I'm afraid that can't be ignored."

Merlin: "So you better turn in your borrowed membership badge you were never seriously granted to begin with."

Uncle Grandpa: Awww, come on guys, can't I at least keep it as a memento? (Yen Sid raises an eyebrow at him)

Mr. Gus: I think it might be good to just do as they say, Uncle Grandpa.

Uncle Grandpa: Okay, fine. (He puts the badge on the table) I don't need this High Council job anyway. Just thought it be something to do on my spare time. I got kids to help. (He and his group sadly trudge out, but they are forced out by a broom)

Flora: We should have gone with the Crystal Gems.

Pearl: Thank you!

Fauna: What's done is done, dear.

Zeus: "(Sighs)..... What will become of my son now?"

Merlin: "If it helps, Zeus... The boy is in the hands of kind mortal farmers. He'll grow in their care."

Zeus: And they will have my eternal gratitude for that. But for now, we can only hope he will learn who he truly is.

(Back in the present day (after the Spyro episode))

Uncle Grandpa: And so, kids, that’s how your Uncle Grandpa got expelled from the High Council.

Steven: Uncle Grandpa, we had no idea.

Bubbles: That’s just way too sad.

Jake: So then what happened?

Mr. Gus: The gods watched over little Hercules, and to this day he continues to live, unaware of his true origins. And the High Council hasn't come to forgive Uncle Grandpa since that day.

Samurai Jack: What a tragic tale.

Mandy: I'd argue it's well deserved for how stupid he was being-

Bernadette: MANDY! (pauses)Ahem. Look, Mandy's unapologetic nihilist level honesty aside, tragedy may be a stretch considering you didn't have it that great even before the event it sounds like, but it wasn't exactly an ideal way to finally get the hint with them. And the majority of us feel for you."

Billy: Oh, that is the lamest story I ever heard. I’m so sure. "Hercules, the mortal son of a god". Well, I don’t buy it.

Grim: You know a Greek Goddess. Eris? Ring a bell?

Billy: Oh, right...... I didn't know Eris was Greek. (Grim and Mandy facepalmed; Suddenly a crashing sound is heard, and Merlin comes flying in)

Dominator: What the-? Who’s the old guy in the Halloween Dollar Store Costume?

Bernadette: That’s Merlin! He’s a friend of ours. What are you doing here, Merlin?

Merlin: I’m here to tell you that a grave danger is approaching a world in the DIsney Universe!

Kevin: What world, specifically?

Merlin: Olympus, that’s where!

Uncle Grandpa: Olympus?!

Ben: Well, what’s the danger?

Merlin: I’m not sure, but I’m afraid you will have to put your Crystal search on hold, just for a while.

Dominator: Aw gees, seriously? Okay fine, if we're really getting this on the road now, fine.

The End...?

## Trivia

* The title of the short is a reference to the Hercules animated series.
* This short takes place after Punch Time Exploders and the Legend of Spyro and PTE: Operation B.A.C.K.W.A.T.E.R..
* This short serves the same purpose as the prologue for Punch Time Exploders Meet Hercules.