Felonius Gru

Gru, Felonius Gru

### Relatives

Robert Gru (father), Marlena Gru (mother), Dru Gru (twin brother), Lucy Wilde (girlfriend), Margo Gru (adopted daughter), Edith Gru (adopted daughter), Agnes Gru (adopted daughter), Kyle Gru (dog), Joseph Albert Nefario (suspected lover)

### Occupation

Jelly-manufacturer (formermly), Wanna-be Supervillian (currently)

## Appearances

### Appears in

The Grusical

**Felonius Gru** is the protagonist of The Grusical, and wants to be the greatest villain, but nobody knows why, including himself. (Some suspect it's mommy issues or to compensate for a microscopic penis.) He is the employer of the Minions: Bob, Kevin, and Stuart.

## Appearance

> Fred, I tell you this EVERY DAY. MY FROWN is PERMANENT, and has been since my BIRTH! It is a MEDICAL CONDITION, and I’d appreciate it if you stopped bringing it up EVERY SINGLE MORNING!
>
> - The Grusical

He has blue eyes, is bald, and is formerly black. Gru has a permanent frown, as a result of the condition *Frownitis*. He has a thick accent and is very athletic. He is 14.5 feet tall and has a 14 inch nose.

> We all know Gru is the godly height of 14.5 feet tall and can move at a speed of 200 Meters per second. Based on average dick size, Gru’s penis is around 14 inches long. Also, Gru’s dick would weigh around 2 pounds considering the average weight of a dick is .77 lbs. If he swung his dick in a circular manner, it would have the centripetal acceleration of 72.57 meters per second. This means that gru can dickslap with the immense energy of 11,421 pounds per sq inch at a tip speed greater than 584415.58336974 MPH. In conclusion, Gru’s dickslap has enough energy to smash through 6” reinforced concrete and will cause a thunderclap as his dick breaks the sound barrier. I rest my case. Jk, I further my case by pointing out The avg speed of ejaculate is 28 mph. This means that gru can ejaculate at a speed of roughly 70 MPH when standing still. If he decides to fling his ejaculate by swinging his dick in a circular fashion, it will travel at 584415.5\*70= 40,909,085 mph. This means Gru’s ejaculate travels at a speed greater than 24 thousand times the speed of a bullet. Considering the average mass of ejaculate, 3.5 g, gru’s semen will impact the target with the energy of 1.715e9 Jouls, or roughly the amount of energy released in 667 pounds of TNT. In conclusion, if gru decided to weaponize his penis, he could easily conquer the world. - u/[deleted]
>
>

Felonius's Gru's favorite album is *Nevermind* by Nirvana.

Felonius Gru is portrayed in The Grusical.

## Possible Ties to Russian Intelligence Services

Since his rise to villainy at a young age, during the Cold War, the similarity of Gru's name, and that of the Soviet Main Intelligence Directorate, known as the GRU (still in existence in the Russian Federation) has been questioned and investigated. The GRU was established in 1918, supposedly founded by Leon Trotsky, under Lenin. From the average birth age of 44 in 1925 (presumably the approximate date of birth of Robert Gru), Robert Gru's father, John Gru (an English version of his real name, Ivan Gru), would have been born sometime in the 1880s, in time to be involved in the Russian revolution.
From this it can be inferred that Ivan Gru was, in fact, the founder of this intelligence agency, and that this name is a reflection of that, and a shibboleth among supervillains. The Gru family most likely used this connection, even after Ivan Gru was succeeded, to be able to pull off incredible crimes.

1. ↑ https://despicableme.fandom.com/wiki/Felonius\_Gru
2. ↑ https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/cbr3sr/grus\_nose\_is\_probably\_longer\_than\_his\_penis/