Cragglethorne Stationery Coke Island Bust

The Cragglethorne Stationery Coke Island Bust was a plan formulated by Jebidiah Thornton in late 1989 and executed in 1990 in an attempt to bankrupt Cragglethorne Stationery and take it over. The plan failed, however it did result in significant damage to Cragglethorne's reputation.

## Background

In March 1987, Jebidiah Thornton, a then accountant for the Notting Hill Branch of Cragglethorne Stationery attended the annual Thornton convention where he met the Manchester branch of the company. He spotted them at their table during the awards ceremony, and they instantly caught Jebidiah's eye. All of them were casually taking drugs, dressed in casual street attire at a formal corporate event, and throwing peanuts at other members of staff. Jebidiah, a privately educated man, introduced himself to the sales team leader, Sydney Sinclair by attempting to give him a handshake. Sydney stared at his hand for a couple of seconds, and then up at his face. Sydney started in a northern voice, roughed out by many years of smoking ''You've got glasses. I fucking rate that.'' Jebidiah was taken aback, he did not expect Sydney to respond in such an unprofessional way. ''I rate that a lot'' Sydney continued. Jebidiah put down his hand, as he realised that Sydney would not return his handshake. ''Sorry sweetie, I don't do handshakes. The aliens warned me against it.'' Jebidiah was intrigued by Sydney, and asked him about the aliens. Sydney explained that when he was 15 years old, a group of extraterrestrials confronted him outside of Tesco.

Jebidiah partied the night away with the sales team of the Manchester branch, smoking large amounts of hash, smashing up the CFO's office, battling a gorilla in a zoo, and stealing an Opel Vectra. From that day on Jebidiah formed a close allyship with the Manchester Branch.

## The Plan

By late 1989, the leadership of Cragglethorne Stationery had been driving the company into financial disparity. The CEO of the company had recently bought a seventh house in Monaco, moving there as he had discovered that the tax laws were much lighter than in the UK. This was the last straw for Jebidiah. The company had been in economic ruin, whilst the CEO was living it up in Monaco. Jebidiah believed that he should be the CEO of the company, and to acheive this he thought up of the idea to bankrupt the company, and then take it over, pumping money into it and getting his friends to become shareholders in the company.

Jebidiah presented the plan to some of his co-workers at the Notting Hill Branch, however they all declined. He then presented the idea to the Manchester Sales team. They all immediately agreed. ''We want to go to L.A.'' demanded Gonzo. ''And we want a large amount of E's with us.'' Jebidiah was at first hesitant, however, he realised that if e got the corporate branch to agree to give the Manchester Branch a holiday to L.A. under the guise of a corporate business trip, they could be given a large budget which the branch could blow on whatever they want. Employees who go on corporate trips are given the Cragglethorne Corporate Amex Gold Card, and warned not to spend over 9,000 GBP. Jebidiah specifically instructed them to spend well over 25,000.