How to Make a Clickbait Article

Hello everyone, this doesn't count as a blog because there's a rule for something.

Now that I've caught you're attention with this article, I will show you how to do a clickbait article. First of all, make your topic very exaggerated.

## Cute German Shepherd is Cuddled by guy, you Won't BELIEVE What Happens Next!

This cute German Shepherd was being cuddled by this guy until it FWIPPED out and decided to bite him. Whoa! Dogs are suppose to be harmless dogs, not wild animals. Why do we even tame them in the first place if they'll attack us? HUH!?!

Anyways, whatever, this cute dog bit his face off and look how adorable that dog is!

Strategy: Get the cutest animals in the world, and follow up with them doing something that harms someone or them doing something dumb. Cause y'know, animals are cute and they are sooo super innocent, **we're** the SAVAGES!

## Wanna Sell Your Broken House for Over $3M????

Wanna sell your house in L.A. for like, $50,000,000? You'll be a millionare for sure and you don't even have to win the super lotto!

Here's how you can do it in just a single step:

Step 1:

Strategy: End the article here, don't even list a step. You just clickbait'd someone. Good job!

## Little Kim Kardashian, Where is she Now?

   Lookie at little Kim Kardashian . You know her from that one show Keeping Up with the Kardashians . Also from that random sextape that brought her to fame, but we won't discuss that or even act like that ever existed. No! She is a talented young woman. She married Kayne West and she had many talents as a child. Look at this photo, she played soccer and made the women's national team . Talk about ***real*** talent.

Strategy: Make up lies about the celebritiy as if they brought over success over something they never did.

## You Won't BELIEVE What This Famous Celebrity Just Did!

    Gordon Ramsay , the best chef in the world, just slapped someone.

Strategy: Again, create lies, also try to be as super biased as possible and claim that the person is the best living person in that department that they are talented in.

## Doctors Recommend This Special Delicacy That Will Help Provide for a Long Life.

Nutritionists have always recommended that you eat your veggies and fruits and all that other crap. Nah, screw that. Doctors and other experts recommend pizza . Not only is it a delicious treat that you should stuff yourself everyday, but in a recent study, pizza contains a certain chemical that will help you live a long life of longevity.

Now you won't have to eat those yucky veggies ever again that these "nutritionists" claim will help you fight against diseases. You're still gonna get a terminal disease at one point in your life, and these useless junkies won't help you prevent them. You'll just be another unlucky number from these terrible diseases.

Strategy: Lying galore! Lie as much as possible that the food you're talking about is healthy. OMG, I should be a Yahoo journalist. Please Yahoo, sign me up! I recommend you pay me at least $4,000 per week if you wanna see improvement in your articles. <3

## Wanna Win the Mega Millions? Well Now you can With this Simple Trick.

You've all heard wonder stories about some poor guy winning the Mega Millions . With this one simple trick, now you can! All you have to do is buy a lottery ticket, and hope for the best lolol.

If you are lucky, you win! It's that simple! You should try it one day.

Strategy: This is good clickbait because people want $$$. You just make them fall for it and then they will get angry. You should disable comments in your topic, or else the angry people will be angry at you and you will cry.

## This Extinct Creature Came from the Dead!

The Dodo bird, a creature thought to be extinct in the 1600s or whatever was not actually extinct! This creature has been living in some island in the middle of nowhere in the Pacific Ocean . This island is known as Puerto Rico . Lots of Dodos live there.

Strategy: Lie that the creature is not extinct even though it is. Also show off your geography skills by being completely wrong about a place's location. If you are good at photoshopping, try to make the extinct creature standing in a beautiful greenish hill kinda like the original green grass wallpaper from the Windows XP.

## This Person Lost Over 500 lbs with One Simple Trick!

This person lost over 500 lbs in just ONE month! Her name is Kayla Rodriguez. She used to be fat big overweight tall throughout her entire lifetime until she discovered this one simple trick at the ripe old age of 35.  As shown in this picture, with a simple diet and a little bit of exercising, she has lost a TON of weight! If you wanna be the expected beauty that America expects you to be, you have to look anorexic because that is the expected beauty of this horrible society we live in.

Strategy: Be as politically correct in your article as much as possible. Also show a picture where the person has little to no significant changes in their appearance. Also lie, this is the number one most important thing as I've mentioned in pretty much 99% in the other strategy tips of the other clickbait samples above.

## Donald Trump is BIG BAD News! Reasons why not to Vote for him.

    Big bad Donald Trump will become president and here's how to prevent that! Vote for Hillary Clinton if you don't wanna live in a world where a second Hitler dictatorship will control America. Or you can just leave the country if he does indeed become president and this article doesn't help against that.

Strategy: Be a Democratic as much as possible and state all the bad things about Donald Trump. Also splatter that annoying picture all over your article because it isn't funny and it'll piss people off. Be super biased and say you'll vote for Hillary Clinton because we need female representation in the White House and all that other crap.

Honest Opinion: DO NOT ADD THIS TO YOUR ARTICLE! DON'T SHOW YOUR BIASED OPINIONS! Now for my honest opinion about the presidential candidates. I do not like either of the two. If Bernie Sanders was still in the running, I'd vote for him. Now voting for Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump is the equivalent of telling me to vote for Joseph Stalin or Adolf Hitler. I am not really that into politics and as a recently turned 18 year old, and I won't be voting this presidential election. If we had better candidates in the next 4 years, maybe I'll probably vote. I do not like these two and won't be looking forward to any of them. Maybe Obama for a third term plz cause that'll be lolz.

## This Lady Should be a Role Model to Kids.

    You might think at first, "Look at this crazy lady, who does she think she is? All those meaningless tattoos and that slutty appearance. Why the hell do I want her near my children?" Well, because you are an ignorant person and you have very blind views around the world, don't know that this person donated to charity. That automatically qualifies her as a good person just because. No more reasons needed. Therefore, she is a good role model to children so now they have someone they can look up to.

This lady in the picture's name is Sarah Canela. She has donated over 15M to charity and other good causes like the environment and pollution issues. I bet before you read that she does good things you just assumed she was some crazy lady. But now I told you that she donates and now she is a good person. Who cares about her criminal record? She donates money to charity, that's all that matters and she should be around children providing them good education. Don't you feel stupid now?

Strategy: Once again, make up lies and try to promote horrible people as good role models to children. If you know someone bad, put their number or email down too. Actually that's a bad idea because people will spam that person.

## Disney Movies that Promote SATANISM!

DO NOT LET YOUR KIDS WATCH DISNEY SHOWS EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!! In this picture I am about to show you has some really HUGE and BIG hidden subliminal messages in Disney shows and why it's not for kids. Look, I am totally not overanalyzing this photo of Mickey Mouse with Minnie Mouse! Minnie's dress looks like a penis! THAT IS NOT APPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN! OMG SUM1 B& THIS FUKEN SHOW!!!

Also the Lion King's sunset intro looks like a women's butt. And there are also some other subliminal penises in *My Little Mermaid*. But I won't bother posting these pictures here. Go look for them on Google yourself.

Strategy: If you are a Christian nutjob and everything in the world is offensive to you, these will be your masterpieces when it comes to "exposing" a kid's show. Your pieces of journalism will have you in riches, but at the expense of everyone in the world thinking you're some crazy goof. Overanalyze every single details of a kid's show (why would you do that if you're over 40) and complain how every small detail looks like a penis or resembles Satan. Also if you wanna add more pictures for proof, don't bother. That is the masterpiece for clickbait. Don't post any evidence and have people use the Google search engine and make them waste their time to find the evidence.

## Everyone's Going soooo Crazy Over this Game!

    You won't believe that this game is popular these days! This game is called Undertale . It is an RPG style game where you do stuff. I don't really know what you do, I just played like 5 minutes of it and I liked it so much it's worthy creating an article about it even though I really don't have much information about it. Yeah... sorry about that.

Strategy: Promote some already popular game like Angry Bird , Candy Crushers , Flappy Bird , etc. so it draws so much attention. Then, act as if you don't really know much about the game since you got so overexcited playing it you don't really have much information about it. You just made everyone waste their time reading less than 3 sentences about a game they should play. Good job!

## This Product will Change the World as We Know it.

Also known as the computer . This computer changed the world in 1984 and is rapidly changing the world as it is today. No more having to walk to do stuff. Now you can be a lazy bum at home and get your work done there.

Strategy: Don't even bother listing the correct reasons why a certain product changed the world. Either state really old information that is at least 30 years or make lies about how this product changed the world and it's evolution and why we are as we are today. Make it old news.

## 6 Things You Should Never Say to a Gamer.

    Here are six things you should NEVER say to a gamer:

1. You're a neckbeard, hehehe.

Result: You get smacked. Also arrested for verbal assult.

2. Are you a loser, dropout or a hobo?

Result: Read the first result.

3. Do you still live with your parents?

Result: Read the first result.

4. If you don't play the same console as I do, I HATE YOU 4EVAH! Also don't talk to me ever again!

Result: Read the first result.

5. PC Master race!

Result: Wut?

6. Wanna be friends?

Result: Sure

There you have it, those are the six things to never say to a gamer.

Strategy: Promote stereotypes. It only angers the reader and say dumb facts because you know that the reader will say "That's not true!" and will be angrier with you.

## You Won't BELIEVE what this Homeless guy Does Next!

    Once upon a time there was a homeless man, homeless as he is, is poor. Poor homeless man is homeless because he is poor. One day he went into a shop to buy a slice of pizza, which he could barely afford. The next thing he knew, there was a fight going on. The homeless man tried to stop the fight out of the kindness of his heart and managed to separate two muscle man dudes and the police arrived. The homeless man was declared a national hero by his community and was given $40M for stopping the brawl from getting worse. He is now a rich man and a happy man at that. He lived happily ever after...

Strategy: If you're doing a topic about homeless men, lie. Lying gets you everywhere in journalism. In the actual picture, this homeless man is getting is butt kicked for picking a fight with some muscle dude. But y'know, since every piece of journalism you'll ever read lies, sugarcoat it and make it seem like the homeless man is doing a good cause and he had a happy ending, because everyone loves that. NEVER say anything about the homeless man because he is a good guy and is only homeless because he got kicked out by family our society sucks and can't find a special place for him.

## This Guy Can't Believe What He Just Discovered...

    One day, this guy was walking down a desert, don't ask why. But as soon as he stopped looking at his phone, he found something suspecious. It was covered in sand, what could it be? Gold Bars?!?!? The man got rich after that.

Strategy: The story never happened. You can lie as per usual and state that there was a story like this, but it never happened because no reliable source of journalism such as the LA Times or NY Times ever plastered it on their website.

## Disturbing Photograph of Bodybuilder Lady.

    Here is a disturbing photo of a bodybuilder lady. This is all this article has to say.

Strategy: This has got to be one of the worst piece's of clickbait ever. No one will want to to look at a disturbing photo. As people are usually disturbed when looking at disturbing things, this is the least likely clickbait article they'll fall for. So I do not recommend these types of article and I definitely don't recommend you looking for disturbing pictures just like I busted my butt doing. Now I'm going to get nightmares. :(

## Woman Trapped For 100 Years Finally Found And...

You will NEVER believe this true story of a strong woman who has gone missing for 100 years! Her name is Amanda Armstrong, and she has been missing ever since she was 1 year old! Can you believe that? As a person writing this clickbait and making it up, I sure do! The 101 year old has been hiding underwater for over 100 years. What a good swimmer. She also broke the record for holding her breath underwater for 100 years.

Strategy: Lies, lies, lies, and more lies! At this point you should be a professional at it.

## A Couple From a Shark Tank Shock the Whole World!

Not to be confused with Shark Tank , actually, it is a shark tank. A couple shocked the world by entering into an underwater tank that is surrounded by sharks. That is why it is called a shark tank. The sharks never attacked the tank, so that is why it is so shocking.

Strategy: Make a reference to a really popular show everyone watches, and then completely misguide the whole article by talking about something different that has nothing to do with the popular show.

## Fired Retailer Reveals Shocking Secrets About Sears.

PSA: Everyone! It has come to my attention, but Sears is dying! Along with Kmart , Walmart , and Macy's . One random retail worker, who just got fired recently for revealing the shocking truth is now causing chaos all over the United States as all these marvelous shopping stores are going to disappear soon. Only you can prevent this from further spreading from causing these stores from going extinct! Only you can prevent people from shopping at Amazon and hope that these shopping store don't become another RadioShack !

Strategy: Spread fear to the world. Only with fear do people pay attention about the chaos that spreads all over the world. With articles like these, you will only become a better Yahoo author. Actually, with fear in people's minds, it'll probably provoke more chaos since everyone would be freaking out. Good job you stupid journalist, now you got everyone scared to read anymore articles.

## Do You Come From Famous Heritage? Your Last Name May Tell You?

Do you ever wonder if you're popular or famous? Well, just Google your last name of course! Maybe you came from someone popular or are probably the long lost brother of Michael Jackson . Hell, maybe that batshit insane dictator Fidel Castro gave birth to you. You might probably not know this, but you also could have been given birth to Nicki Minaj , who went out to be world famous without giving credit to her parental owners. You could have the same blood as Justin Bieber or Barack Obama . Or you might probably be twin sisters with Lindsay Lohan . Or are you the grandparents of Marilyn Monroe ? Oops, did you do that again? Well, hit it one more time with Britney Spears ! Have you ever wondered why your parents hated you, but loved Paris Hilton ? Or are you the future child of Seth MacFarlane ? Were you born the same day as Kanye West ? Who knows what you are. Whatever the case is, you're not famous. But find out at our local website we're not gonna tell you about if you are indeed family with one of these crazy weirdo celebrities. Maybe then you can leech off their fame and glory.

Strategy: Force people to go to a website instead of easily handing it out to them. Also if you do send them to a website, virus time! Also make people wonder if their last name actually has a significant meaning, which it probably doesn't.

## Police are Looking for the Person that did this!

Police are looking for the person that did this! They made a dog sad and recorded it's face on tape! I hope they capture the motherfyuckernnfnfindhjnfvhjdfnhjgfvhvnhjfvgjkn >:(

Oh my gosh, this is too much, I'm literally crying as I'm writing this article.

Strategy: Be super biased as possible and try to be biased against the person you're talking about who is the criminal. Say mean stuff like wishing death upon the person or talking smack about them, because.... yeah, that's totally what ***professional*** journalists do, and it's actually a thing in many articles where people actually do wish death upon others and such. How do these so-called journalists get paid anyways?

## Fat Shaming is NOT Cool!

Listen you stupid skinny bitches, I think it is time you should stop fat shaming us! We wanna post our bodies all over the net because we just wanna have fun and enjoy ourselves and then you come here and criticize us? Are you serious? What have we ever done to you, like ever? If you don't like what you see, then don't comment! Not only are you the most judgemental beings in the world, but you also like to break through our insecurities and want us to feel even worse about ourselves. We get it, you're a supermodel, but you have no rights to be rude against us! But we are allowed to be rude to you skinny hoes just because. Shh! Don't tell the media. As I was saying, STOP FAT SHAMING US! If you don't like it, don't comment! What is so hard about that? Look at this girl in the picture, so confident and strong! Meghan Trainor is the role model to stop fat shaming worldwide. Together, we will combat fat shaming over bigger issues other problems.

Strategy: Attack a group for no reason because it's the cool thing to do in journalism. Also be completely biased and act like the world is against you, even though more people support you than other groups that are actually being victimized for no reason.

## NEW Upcoming Nintendo NX Info: Exact Release Date, Specs, Launch Titles, and MORE!

You heard it right, we're giving you the latest info on Nintendo's newest and coolest console, the Nintendo NX!

First thing's first: the release date for the Nintendo NX is so far unconfirmed. Nintendo has stated that the newest Nintendo Console will be released sometime next year; everything is tentative and TBA. Derp.

The Nintendo NX is going to be more powerful than the Nintendo 3DS and Wii U. But not combined, just more powerful than the two as separate entities.

Well, what about Launch Titles? Super Mario Galaxy 3 will not be debuting with the Nintendo NX system. Can you believe that?

Strategy: Same as always, lying. Another key to this clickbait is posting a bunch of useless, meaningless info about the console that every gamer ever has known for the past half-year, instead of the actual things that people want to be informed of.

## IT HAPPENED TO ME!

    Something bad happened to me! Prepare to hear my sob story about betrayals and about working in retail and being treated like garbage. I was working as a worker at my local Target , but my co-workers treat me like trash! They don't give me the attention I deserve! My boss is also rude, stubborn and stuck up and always delays my paychecks. I dunno why I can't just quit, I need the $$$. How am I able to survive without it?

Strategy: Although not really clickbait, these articles usually have sob stories about someone over first world problems. Seeing how I experienced something similar to what I just wrote, it was easy to write a sob story. However, no one will care about how you feel. So there really is no point in creating these other than looking like a fool at the end. If you don't disable comments, chances are that you'll have like over half your comments calling you out over a simple solution you could've done and will say stuff like you shouldn't have posted it or have acted this way. Yeah, people are ***very*** nice. Not really. You only have your closest friends or family members to even be there for you. Every once and then you'll make a friend, but there's a good chance that they'll betray you or something like that. Bad comparison, but meh.

## Mario Kart 8 Finally Reviewed!!!

After six hundred ninety-one billion, two million, four hundred twenty-three thousand, five hundred sixty days, I've finally managed to review this REALLY EPIC game known as *Mario Kart 8*! You asked for it, and now you got it!

Jk, I haven't because I've been soooooo fucking busy with my life. You think I care about you fuckers? Well I do, but guess what: I care about my education and employment more! SO, I will do the review when I have an adequate amount time, i.e. never.

Strategy: Go on about how you finally managed to pull a "difficult" task off, only to bait-and-switch and really lie about the whole thing and make the viewer feel bad for expecting you to accomplish the task in on time as scheduled. And then top it off with the cherry of implying that you'll literally never actually get it done.

## Now the verdict!

So basically, you have to show bias and lie a lot. The lowest of the low is to show a picture that has nothing to do with the article, in other words, a clickbait picture. Now you're a good journalist. Good job, and we'll be looking forward to signing you up at Yahoo! As a journalist, we will be pleased if you get rid of those trashy articles about "facts" because no one likes them and just do articles about celebrities or about political correctness and defend the victim as much as possible. Get rid of all those articles about Chipotle and their salmonela, they are a good fast food chain that sell good food and that's all there is to say about them.
You should also try to exaggerate a lot and use a lot of exclamation points like candy even though most people don't really focus on those.

This is satire.