recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
Colin Crowley

**Colin Crowley** Josh Doppel-Changer

**Colin Crowley** is an actor who has an uncanny resemblance to West Covina native Josh Chan. He was cast to star in a independent film/sex tape by his co-star and producer Rebecca Bunch. Although the production was cancelled he was paid for his time and would later run in to Rebecca again in Los Angeles. It’s there he helped her brother Tucker get an audition at Colin's latest gig. His first appearance was in the Season Three episode "Josh's Ex-Girlfriend Wants Revenge." He is portrayed by actor Vincent Rodriguez III.

## Character history

### Season Three

Rebecca made a casting call for a sex tape in which somebody was supposed to play Josh, who will mid-sex, yell that he hates Jesus. Which will lead to him being disgraced. After a few unimpressionable candidates, Colin Crowley appeared saying he's very excited about the material. He has a British accent, and after Rebecca's comment that she would like to cast an American, he tried different American accents which landed him the role. After Rebecca decided not to go through with the plan, he said that he has some line suggestions to make "Josh" a "more sympathetic character". The girls throw him out of the house.
("Josh's Ex-Girlfriend Wants Revenge.")

### Season Four

Months later, Rebecca and her half-brother Tucker run into him in Los Angeles. He was auditioning for the role of Captain Hook in "Peter Pan" and Rebecca asked him to help Tucker get an audition for the leading role. He flirted with Samantha, the casting agent, and secured Tucker an audition. After his unsuccessful audition, Rebecca and Tucker see Colin on the street. Rebecca asks him about the whereabouts of the director, and he points her to the hotel. It can be assumed that Colin got the role of Captain Hook.
("I'm Making Up For Lost Time")

 **Special appearances** | Dr.Phil 🎈 Nipsey Hussle 🎈 Dream Ghost #1 🎈 Dream Ghost #2 🎈 J. Castleman 🎈 Tita Myrna 🎈 Anna 🎈 B.J. Novak 🎈 Trina 🎈 Rabbi Shari 🎈 Jeff Channington 🎈 Jarl 🎈 Wendy Legrand 🎈 Xiao Huang 🎈 Fett Regoso
Dream Ghost

**Dream Ghost**
**Performer(s)**: Dr. Noelle Akopian with Amber Riley and Ricki Lake — **First Appearance**: ""Josh Has No Idea Where I Am!""
 — **Genre**: Supreme R&B Girl Group

"**Dream Ghost**" is a song Rebecca's dreams is performed by Dr. Noelle Akopian when she was on a flight back to New York. The song was first heard in the Season One episode "Josh Has No Idea Where I Am!". It is track number 19 on the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Original Television Soundtrack (Season 1 - Vol.2).

## The song with lyrics

**Dr.Akopian**:
*You know the trope?*
*In story-telling it's a norm.*
*When a person's in trouble*
*a manifestation of their subconscious*
*appears in the form of a...*
*Dream Ghost!*
*Giving advice you kinda already knew*
*I’m a...*
*Dream Ghost!*
*I'm really just your mind*
*working things through!*
*It’s not clear if I'm hallucinated*
*or actually magic!*
*Let's leave it vague*
*it's more interesting that way!*

*I’m going to take you*
*on a journey through time and space.*
*And in the end you'll realize*
*you knew the answer all along.*
*Honestly, it's a bit of a waste*
*to be a...*
*Dream Ghost!*

**Dream Ghost #1 & 2**:
*We're other dream ghosts*
*helping people on this plane!*
*We're also Dream Ghosts!*
*Dream Ghosts!*
*While you're all asleep*
*well all sing a refrain!*

**Akopian with other Dream Ghosts**:
*It'll never be clear if we're hallucinated*
*or actually magic!*
*And we're all women*
*Cuz this job doesn't pay so well!*

**Rebecca**:
Wow, so there are a lot of Dream Ghosts?

**Dr.Akopian**:
Yeah, a lot of people on this plane
Are having all kinds of predicaments.

**Dream Ghost #2**:
*This guy is deciding*
*whether or not to leave his wife!*

**Dream Ghost #1**:
*This girl is wondering*
*if she should terminate her pregnancy!*

**Dr.Akopian**:
*This lady's dreaming in Portuguese*
*so I'm not sure what she wants!*

**Dream Ghost #2**:
*And this douche is actually*
*agonizing over whether to buy or lease*
*a new Porsche!*

**Akopian with other Dream Ghosts**:
*We are the Dream Ghosts!*
*Dream Ghosts!*
*Here to show you the proper way!*
*We are the Dream Ghosts!*
*Dream Ghosts!*
*And the health care with this job*
*is just okay!*
*We'll help you with decisions*
*if you're on the fence*
*and were available*
*for private events!*
*We're the Dream Ghosts!*
*Dream Ghosts!*
*We wish our union health plan*
*had Dental!*
*Dream Ghosts!*
*We're paying out of pocket*
*for cleaning!*
I Feel Like This Isn't About Me

**I Feel Like This Isn't About Me**
**Performer(s)**: Cornelia and Bartender — **First Appearance**: "I Never Want to See Josh Again."
**Written by**: Adam Schlesinger, Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen

“**I Feel Like This Isn't About Me**” is a musical number by Cornelia Wickfield. In it she figures out the reason why her new co-workers are acting so strange around her. This song debuted in the Season Three episode "I Never Want to See Josh Again.”

## Song and lyrics

**Cornelia**:
I feel like this isn’t about me.

I feel like this isn’t about me.

Clearly they’re projecting all of their feelings

about a person I’ve never met and making it about me.

Bah bah bah bah bah bah bah

I’m not the best with social cues but this one’s pretty clear

**Bartender**:
This isn’t about her about her.

**Cornelia**:
This reminds me to try the Brazilian place

with the live band and the meat on the stick that they carve

**Cornelia and bartender**:
Right at the table

Right at the table

Right at the table

Right at the table...
Allison Dunbar

**Allison Dunbar** Actor
**Portrays**: Stacy Whitefeather —

## Bio

**Allison Dunbar** is an American actress. When Allison Dubar turned 18 she moved to New York to start an acting career. Allison went to Fordham University , and graduated Magna Cum Laude with a degree in Theater and Psychology. She is most known for her roles in, Body Shots, Strip Mall and Nicole Lupertazzi in The Sopranos. She playsStacy Whitefeather  on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.
Denise Martinez

**Denise Martinez** Frenemy of Valencia Perez

**Denise Martinez** is a West Covina native who was once a classmates of Valencia Perez. They both attended Pizarro Hills High School and to this day still have any underlying antagonistic rivalry with each other. Her first appearance was in the Season One episode "I'm Going to the Beach with Josh and His Friends!." She is portrayed by actress Carmela Zumbado.

## History

### Season One

In 2015, Valencia Perez was still dating Josh Chan and invited his ex-girlfriend Rebecca Bunch to a beach trip they and their friends were having. Afterwards when asked why she did this Valencia replied that women have to help each other. She then imagined a musical performance which included several women Valencia knew in her life *(♫ Women Gotta Stick Together ♫)*. This included her rival from high school **Denise Martinez** who Valencia confessed she could not stand. Denise was not aware of the statement unlike most of the other women who Valencia outright insulted. Denise was amongst the throng of women who were inexplicably cheering on Valencia as she finished her performance ("I'm Going to the Beach with Josh and His Friends!")

### Season Four

Four years later, the real Denise Martinez was in Las Vegas celebrating her recent engagement with a bachelorette party at the Majestros Casino. It's there she ran into Valencia Perez who was with her own friends. Denise went over to say hello and they greeted each other civilly despite their obvious mutual disdain. When Valencia asked why she was in Vegas Denise happily let her know she was currently engaged. She showed off the ring and explained the ultimatum she gave her her boyfriend which led to this. Valencia was both furious and jealous since unbeknownst to Denise a similar choice she gave to her current girlfriend didn't work out as well. Denise then abruptly left to continue her celebration leaving Valencia to stew ("I Need to Find My Frenemy").

 **Special appearances** | Dr.Phil 🎈 Nipsey Hussle 🎈 Dream Ghost #1 🎈 Dream Ghost #2 🎈 J. Castleman 🎈 Tita Myrna 🎈 Anna 🎈 B.J. Novak 🎈 Trina 🎈 Rabbi Shari 🎈 Jeff Channington 🎈 Jarl 🎈 Wendy Legrand 🎈 Xiao Huang 🎈 Fett Regoso
Gratuitous Karaoke Moment

**Gratuitous Karaoke Moment**
**Performer(s)**: Nathaniel Plimpton III and Maya — **First Appearance**: "I'm Almost Over You"
**Written by**: Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen and Adam Schlesinger — **Genre**: Karaoke

**Gratuitous Karaoke Moment** is a musical performance by Maya and Nathaniel Plimpton III. The song is a karaoke duet imaganied by Nathaniel in which he and Maya try to make thier exes jealous while pointing out various romantic comedy tropes. It debuted in the Season Four episode "I'm Almost Over You."

## Song and lyrics

**Maya**:
*I usually hate singing in public...*

**Nathaniel**:
*Yeah, I can’t believe I’m holding a mic...*

**Maya**:
*Relatably, we're both off key...*

**Nathaniel**:
*But it’s the part of the film that everyone likes!*

**Maya and Nathaniel**:
*It’s our gratuitous karaoke moment!*
*We sound really bad - but look!*
*We’re starting to sway!*

*Gratuitous karaoke moment!*
*Oooh! How 'bout we flirt*
*in a performative way!*

**Nathaniel**:
*The camera work gets better*
*as we get into the swing!*

**Maya**:
*It makes no sense*
*but we’re gaining confidence!*

**Maya and Nathaniel**:
*As if it’s at all necessary that we sing!*

*In this gratuitous karaoke moment!*
*Our chemistry gets better with every chord!*
*Gratuitous karaoke moment!*
*The crowd was annoyed*
*but now they’re getting on board!*

*And then there’s a section...*
*where the song gets quiet...*
*and you hear all the glasses*
*clicking in the room...*
*We take each other in,*
*and forget where we are,*
*until we awkwardly remember*
*that we’re on stage at a bar!*

*Oh, right!*

*In a gratuitous, karaoke moment*
*somehow we are both doing this move!*

*Gratuitous karaoke moment!*
*Sadly this film does not improve after this*
*Gratuitous karaoke moment!*

**Nathaniel**:
*In ten years you realize*
*this scene doesn’t hold up!*

**Maya**:
*But you’ll still sing this song in karaoke!*

**Maya and Nathaniel**:
*And no one will care 'cause no one*
*actually likes watching other people sing!*
I Have Friends (reprise)

**I Have Friends**
**Performer(s)**: Rebecca Bunch — **First Appearance**: "I'm Going to the Beach with Josh and His Friends!"
**Written by**: Rachel Bloom, Adam Schlesinger, Michael Hitchcock

**I Have Friends (reprise)** is a brief performance by Rebecca in She ruefully sang the song after going to the movie theater by herself and seeing various groups of friends attending the show together. The song was first heard in the Season One episode "I'm Going to the Beach with Josh and His Friends!".

## The song with lyrics

I have friends,
I definitely
have friends.
Friends, friends
friendly friends
I have all the friends.
Doug Mand

**Doug Mand** Comedian, television writer, producer
 **Show debut**: "Why Is Josh in a Bad Mood?"

## Bio

**Doug Mand** is an American comedian, writer/producer and podcaster. Ever since he was a child Mand had a nervous stomach often having to use the restroom at inappropriate times. These incidents have inspired his comedy and also for him to host a podcast called "Doody Calls". It features friends and celebrities detailing their own problems with bowel movements. He studied at New York University where he met his writing partner Dan Gregor. Both of them performed improv comedy at the Uptight Citizens Brigade. Alongside Gregor and Adam Pally he formed a production company called Chubby Skinny Kids. The trio began writing various television pilots some of which were based on their improv stage shows. A few of those treatments got them noticed by producers of the CBS sitcom "How I Met Your Mother" who hired Mand and Gregor as staff writers. After that show finished more projects followed including the FX show "The Comedians". In 2015 Mand joined Gregor on Rachel Bloom's (Dan Gregor's wife) comedy musical show "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" on The CW. He is a writer and co-executive producer and has also appeared onscreen as the character "David", Audra Levine's husband.

## Résumé

 2015-present
2 episodes
"I'm Going to the Beach with Josh and His Friends!" (writer)
"Will Scarsdale Like Josh's Shayna Punim?" (writer/actor)
 2015
 2012 - 2013
24 episodes (as Story editor)
24 episodes (Executive story editor)
4 episode (as credited writer)
 2012

## External links

Bathroom emergencies and the human condition with Doug Mand

 Other | Kathryn Burns (Choreographer) 🎈 Dominique Kelley (Assistant Choreographer) 🎈 Kabir Akhtar (Editing)  Melina Root (Wardobe & Costumes) 🎈 Britney Young (Production assistant) 🎈 Alden Derck (Writer's Production assistant)
Group Hang

**Group Hang**
**Performer(s)**: Rebecca, Hector, White Josh, Bernard and Ken — **First Appearance**: ""Josh and I Work on a Case!!""
 — **Genre**: Latin Pop

**Group Hang** is a song sung by Rebecca after Josh's friends interrupted an intimate dinner she was having with him at Jalapeño Jack's. The interlopers prevented Rebecca from having the quality alone time which she, Paula and Mrs.Hernandez all worked hard to orchestrate. The song's first appearance was in the Season One episode "Josh and I Work on a Case!".

## The song with lyrics

Rebecca:

The night was going perfectly, mi amor.
We were having a romantic Mexican meal.
Or Cali-Mex. Or Cali-Mex Italian -- I don't
Really know what this food is. But our time
Together was cut short, by the enemy of romance.

Beans, White Josh, Ken, Hector:

La, La, La, La, La, La...

Rebecca:

It was a group hang, group hang.
You're so far away in a group hang.
A group hang, group hang.
Do we really need all these nachos?!

It was an intimate date, just you
And me at a magical place where
Refills are free.

Then your buddies showed up and
Tore us apart. They're forces of evil,
A knife through my heart!

Beans, White Josh, Ken, Hector:

Salsa, burritos, taquitos, guacamole
Pizza!

Rebecca:

A group hang, a group hang.
You're just out of reach in a group
Hang. A group hang, a group hang --

Now you're telling a story 'bout
Some dude named Jeffward and the
Time he "sprooshed." Whatever that
Means... Feeling left out, so I jump in
And say

(Spoken)
"I had a friend named Jeff once.
He took bad mushrooms and jumped
Off the roof of our dorm."

It was a group hang, a group
Hang. It just got weird in this
Group hang. Groung hang,
Group hang, it makes me so
Sexy sad!

Hey wanna get a drink at the bar?

Josh:

uhh...ok

Everyone:

Spanish, Spanish, Spanish,
Spanish, Espanol. Arriba!
Spanish, Spanish, Spanish,
Spanish, Espanol, Arriba!
Spanish, Spanish, Spanish,
Spanish, Espanol, Arriba!
Guadalajara, Sicily!

Rebecca:

That's not in Mexico!

Everyone:

Corned beef enchilada.
Pickle taco. Salsa verde
Cheesecake. Bacon tamale.
Root Beer margarita taco stew.

Rebecca:

Does the chef know what Mexico
IS?

A group hang, group hang.
What's this smoky tortilla
Soup thang? A group hang,
A group hang.

(In Spanish)
And now, the most dreaded
Part of the group hang!
The check!
I Gave You a UTI

**I Gave You a UTI**
**Performer(s)**: Greg Serrano — **First Appearance**: "Why Is Josh in a Bad Mood?"
**Written by**: Adam Schlesinger, Steven Gold, Rachel Bloom — **Genre**: Rhythm and blues/Gospel

I'm so good at sex your maiden ship got wrecked! My penis is the reason

"**I Gave You a UTI**" is a song performed by Greg Serrano. He was celebrating the fact that due to having had lots of sex with Rebecca he wound up giving her a UTI. The song was first heard in the Season One episode "Why Is Josh in a Bad Mood?". It is track number 23 on the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Original Television Soundtrack (Season 1 - Vol.2).

## The song with lyrics

**Greg:**
*What's that burning feeling*
*every time you pee?*

*Well that's how it goes*
*after you have so*
*much awesome sex with me!*

*I gave you a UTI*
*Yeah I gave you...a UTI!*
*My sweet love injection*
*caused a urinary tract infection!*

*I'm just that good*
*I didn't even try, try, try*

*I gave you*

*a UTI!*

**Rebecca:**
Okay, so it's not really a comment
on the quality of the sex as much as
a lot of sex has been happening and
there's just a very natural transfer
of bacteria...

**Greg:**
Don't ruin this for me!

*That bladder inflammation*
*is my little gift to you!*
*Yeah sometimes chicks need*
*medication after what*
*I've put them through!*

Come on, sing with me!

**Rebecca:**
No, I'm not going to do that.

**Greg:**
*I gave you...*
*I gave you...*
*a UTI!*

*A UTI!*

**Greg:**
*Yeah I gave you...*
*[I gave you]*

*.. a UTI!*

*I'm so good at sex*
*your maiden ship got wrecked!*

*My penis is the reason*
*you may die, die, die!*

*I gave you a UTI!*

*One night with me is pure ecstasy*
*cause I know just what you like!*
*But you should know for a week or so*
*you won't be able to ride a bike!*

I'm sorry if you have to cancel that
Spin class. I'll pay the cancellation fee
because I know a lot of times you have
to book the specific bike in advance.
Anyway...

*I gave you...*
*I gave you*
*...a UTI!*

*A UTI!*

*Not a STD!'m*
*No STD's!*
*Just to clarify!*

*If it hurts to take a leak*
*well that's just part of my technique!*
*What has two thumbs*
*and gave you UTI?*
*This guy!*

*I gave you...*
*A UT...*
*I gave you..*
*A UT...*
*I gave you...*
*a U...T...I!!!*
Alden Derck

**Alden Derck** Writer's Production assistant
 **Show debut**: "Nathaniel Needs My Help!"

## Bio

**Alden Derck** is an American comedian, production assistant and writer. He was born on August 4, 1993 in Durango, Colorado. He attended Durango High School from 1997 to 2011. Derck went on to study at the University of Southern California and majored in writing for screen and television. In 2014 during his junior year he interned at actress Charlize Theron's Denver & Delilah Films production company. Derck also worked as a story editor on the YouTube series "101 Ways to Get Rejected." After graduating in 2015 he was an executive assistant for a year at the international production company Partizan. In 2016 he joined the production staff on comedian Mindy Kalings show "The Mindy Project" and would also briefly work on her short lived NBC sitcom "Champions." In April 2017 he was hired as a writers production assistant on The CW musical comedy "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend." One of his duties is to oversee the Crazy Ex-GF writers Twitter account. He appeared onscreen in the episode "Nathaniel Needs My Help!" during Lourdes Chan's song as one of several adult children refusing to move out of their parents' home. In 2018 he was credited with writing the Season Four episode "I'm On My Own Path." He also appears as the pizza delivery guy in "I'm Almost Over You". Alden has a Youtube channel where he posts clips of his live performances. He also has a podcast called "So Yesterday" which he co-hosts with fellow comedian Cecily Breaux.

## Résumé

 2017 -2018
 2017
 2016

 Other | Kathryn Burns (Choreographer) 🎈 Dominique Kelley (Assistant Choreographer) 🎈 Kabir Akhtar (Editing)  Melina Root (Wardobe & Costumes) 🎈 Britney Young (Production assistant) 🎈 **Alden Derck** (Writer's Production assistant)
Erick Lopez

**Erick Lopez** Actor
**Portrays**: Hector — **Show debut**: "Josh's Girlfriend is Really Cool!"
 **Other work**: *"Faking It"*

## Résumé

 2014

## Gallery

 Main | Rachel Bloom ("Rebecca Bunch") 🎈 Donna Lynne Champlin ("Paula Proctor") 🎈 Vincent Rodriguez III ("Josh Chan") Santino Fontana/Skylar Astin ("Greg Serrano") 🎈 Pete Gardner ("Darryl Whitefeather") 🎈 Vella Lovell ("Heather Davis")Gabrielle Ruiz ("Valencia Perez") 🎈 Scott Michael Foster ("Nathaniel") 🎈
 Guest | Tovah Feldshuh ("Naomi Bunch") 🎈 Briga Heelan ("Connie Cavanagh") 🎈 Nipsey Hussle Brittany Snow ("Anna Hicks") 🎈 Rachel Grate ("Audra Levine") 🎈 Andrew Arrow ("Hank") Patti LuPone ("Rabbi Shari") 🎈 Lea Salonga ("Tita Myrna)" 🎈 Grant Rosenmeyer ("Jason") Jayden Lund ("Guardrail") 🎈 Thor Knai (“Xander”) 🎈 John Allen Nelson ("Silas Bunch")
Britney Young ("Nicky") 🎈 Dr.Phil
Danny Jolles

**Danny Jolles** Comedian, actor
 **Show debut**: "Josh and I Go to Los Angeles!"

## Résumé

 2016 - 201?

 2015
 2015

 2014 - 2015
 2015
 2015
 2015

## External links

Sasquatch Youtube channel

 Main | Rachel Bloom ("Rebecca Bunch") 🎈 Donna Lynne Champlin ("Paula Proctor") 🎈 Vincent Rodriguez III ("Josh Chan") Santino Fontana/Skylar Astin ("Greg Serrano") 🎈 Pete Gardner ("Darryl Whitefeather") 🎈 Vella Lovell ("Heather Davis")Gabrielle Ruiz ("Valencia Perez") 🎈 Scott Michael Foster ("Nathaniel") 🎈
 Guest | Tovah Feldshuh ("Naomi Bunch") 🎈 Briga Heelan ("Connie Cavanagh") 🎈 Nipsey Hussle Brittany Snow ("Anna Hicks") 🎈 Rachel Grate ("Audra Levine") 🎈 Andrew Arrow ("Hank") Patti LuPone ("Rabbi Shari") 🎈 Lea Salonga ("Tita Myrna)" 🎈 Grant Rosenmeyer ("Jason") Jayden Lund ("Guardrail") 🎈 Thor Knai (“Xander”) 🎈 John Allen Nelson ("Silas Bunch")
Britney Young ("Nicky") 🎈 Dr.Phil
His Status is...Preferred

**His Status is...Preferred**
**Performer(s)**: Paula Proctor — **First Appearance**: ""I'm So Happy That Josh Is So Happy!""
 — **Genre**: Torch Song

"**His Status is...Preferred**" is a song by Paula Proctor expressing her admiration and attraction for Calvin Young. The song was first heard in the Season One episode "I'm So Happy That Josh Is So Happy!". It is track 17 on the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Original Television Soundtrack (Season 1 - Vol.1).

## The song with lyrics

He’s discerning; he’s refined,
Eats French cheeses, drinks French wine.
He travels all the time
And at the airport cuts the line,
And when he checks his leather luggage
No extra charges are incurred
‘Cause he’s elite.
He’s Silver Elite, Executive Silver Elite.
His status is…Preferred.

Fine hotels are where he stays
The kind with grand breakfast buffets
And a chef who can make omelettes
A variety of ways
And they don’t stick him in some regular room
No, that would be absurd!

He gets a Suite
A two room Executive Suite
An Executive City View Suite
With a second TV,
And 400 thread count sheets
Because
His status is…Preferred

Oh can’t you see
He’s got Premiere Access to me
My whole life, I’ve been stuck in Economy
I have waited and waited
To one day be upgraded
To spread my wings and fly
Just a bit more frequently!

On his wrist…a gold wristwatch
On his lips…a blended Scotch
And I have to stop my eyes from drifting
Downward towards his crotch!
I can peek, but I have to be discreet!
‘Cause he’s filet mignon,
Not just some piece of meat!

He’s sophisticated
Elegant, Elite.
In a word:
He’s…Preferred
After Everything I've Done For You (That You Didn't Ask For)

**After Everything I've Done For You (That You Didn't Ask For)**
**Performer(s)**: Paula Proctor — **First Appearance**: ""Paula Needs to Get Over Josh!""
**Written by**: Adam Schlesinger and Rachel Bloom — **Genre**: Jazz

## Summary

After everything I've done for you that you didn't ask for!

"**After Everything I've done For You (That You Didn't Ask For!)**" is a song performed by Paula Proctor in response to Rebecca Bunch lying to her about her affair with Greg Serrano. In the song she is furious at Rebecca for undoing all the work she put into making a romance happen between her and Josh. The song was first heard in the Season One episode "Paula Needs to Get Over Josh!.” It is reprised by Rebecca as “After Everything You Made Me Do (That You Didn’t Ask For)” in the Season Three episode “To Josh, With Love..”

## Song and lyrics

**Paula**:
Time for you to shut up!
Time for you to sit down!
Paula's tired of being
your sidekick, your henchman,
your eager little clown!

After everything I've done for you...

**Rebecca**:
That I didn't ask for!

**Paula**:
Do you have any idea
the work you're undoing?!

After everything I've done for you
that you didn't ask for!
let's just say Greg isn't the
only one you're screwing!

Want to know all the things
I've done for you?
I broke into Josh's old high school
and made copies of all his grades!
I bumped into Lourdes at Star Bucks
and insisted you be a bridesmaid!

I blackmailed Valencia's boss
so now I control when she teaches!
That's right!
I make all the Yoga class schedules!
There's no limit to where my reach is!

After everything I've done for you
that you didn't ask for!
God! Will your lies ever end!
After everything I've done for you
that you didn't ask for!
The least you can do is be honest
with your mother -
I mean friend!

What's that look on your face?
You're horrified.
You think I'm a monster
for doing your dirty work.
You think love is stainless and pure
but beneath all the fantasy
there's filth and there's gore!

So now it's time for me to walk out.
Time for me to say no!
Paula's tired for working for no
thanks at all!
Paula's gonna go!
You're nothing without me
and my creativity!
I created you, you lived in my womb
I mean figuratively!

After everything I've done for you
I don't, I don't, I don't know why!
So now I'm gonna say
Goodbye!!!

## Notes

### Pastiche

```

```
First Penis I Saw

**First Penis I Saw**
**Performer(s)**: Paula Proctor — **First Appearance**: "Getting Over Jeff."
**Written by**: Rachel Bloom and Adam Schlesinger — **Genre**: Swedish Pop

“**First Penis I Saw**” is a musical number performed by Paula Proctor. In this song Paula reminisces about her first love Jeff. This song premiered during the “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” Vulturefest event on November 20, 2017. It was featured in the Season Three episode "Getting Over Jeff.”

## Song and lyrics

**Paula**:
*I’ve thought about him for so long.*
*Those memories are crystal clear.*
*I was so young,*
*he was so big and strong.*
*I can’t believe that he’s right here!*

*I was such an innocent girl*
*when we first met.*
*He opened up my eyes*
*showed me a whole new world...*
*So how could I ever forget?*

*The first penis I saw!*

**Background singers:**
*The first penis!*
*The first penis!*
*The first penis*
*Very first penis!*

**Paula:**
*The first penis I saw!*

**Background singers:**
*The first penis!*
*The first penis!*
*The first penis*
*Very first penis!*

**Paula and background singers:**
*The very first penis I saw!*

**Paula:**
*And of all the penises I’ve seen*
*his had the biggest impact*
*and by that what I mean is*
*it really made me drop my jaw*
*‘cause it was the very first penis I saw!*

*A few times before*
*I felt it through his pants*
*and just generally kind of rubbed it.*
*But that night I decided*
*to take a chance*
*I took it out and he really*
*seemed to love it!*

*I didn’t know what to do next*
*I didn’t have that part planned.*
*He said let me show you*
*some basic moves and*
*then he took my hand!*

*And taught me all about...*

**Paula and background singers:**

*His penis!*
*My very first penis!*
*First penis!*
*My very first penis I saw!*
*First penis!*
*My very first penis!*
*First penis!*
*Very first penis I saw!*

**Paula:**
*It’s not the dirtiest*
*also not the cleanest*
*In terms of penis*
*I really was the greenest.*

*I really was in awe*
*of the very first penis I saw!*

*I was so eager*
*I couldn’t have been keenest*
*everything about it*
*seemed quite ingenious!*
*I couldn’t find a single flaw*
*in the...*
*first penis...*
*very first penis...*
*very first penis...*
*I saw!*
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Original Television Soundtrack (Season 1 - Vol.1)

**Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Original Television Soundtrack (Season 1 - Vol.1)**
Owned by: NA — First Appearance: "February 19, 2016"

## Track list

### Featured songs

1. "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Theme Song"
2. "West Covina"
3. "West Covina (Reprise)"
4. "The Sexy Getting Ready Song"
5. "Feelin' Kinda Naughty"
6. "I'm So Good At Yoga"
7. "Face Your Fears"
8. "I Have Friends"
9. "A Boy Band Made Up of Four Joshes"
10. "Settle For Me"

11. "Settle For Me (Reprise)"
12. "Sex With a Stranger"
13. "I Love My Daughter"
14. "I'm a Good Person"
15. "I Give Good Parent"
16. "What'll It Be"
17. "His Status is...Preferred"
18. "I'm in a Sexy French Depression"
19. "Where's the Bathroom"
20. "California Christmastime"

### Bonus tracks

21. "Feelin' Kinda Naughty" (Demo)

22. "I Have Friends" (Demo)

23. "Settle For Me" (Acapella)

24. "Sex With a Stranger" (Demo)

25. "What'll It Be (Demo)

### Explicit album exclusives

Both albums have the same content but the explicit version swaps out four of the following tracks for the uncensored ones:

4. "The Sexy Getting Ready Song (explicit)"

6. "I'm So Good At Yoga (explicit)"

14. "I'm a Good Person (explicit)"

15. "I Give Good Parent (explicit)"

 Official merchandise | **Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Original Television Soundtrack (Season 1 - Vol.1)**
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Original Television Soundtrack (Season 1 - Vol.2)
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Original Television Soundtrack (Season 2)
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Karaoke Album (Original Television Soundtrack) (Season 1)
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Original Television Soundtrack (Season 3)
The Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Concert Special (Yes, It's Really Us Singing!)
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Original Television Soundtrack (Season 4)
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: The Complete First Season
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: The Complete Second Season
Connie Cavanagh

**Connie Cavanagh** Attorney and former protégé of Paula Proctor

**Connie Cavanagh** is a lawyer from West Covina, California. While representing a client at her former mentor Paula Proctor's law firm she became embroiled in romantic drama involving her opposing counsel Rebecca Bunch. Her first appearance was in the Season One episode "That Text Was Not Meant for Josh!". She is portrayed by actress Briga Heelan.

## History

In February 2016, **Connie Cavanagh** was at a pre-trial conference at the law firm of Whitefeather & Associates. Connie was there representing her client regarding a contract violation a tenant she had was suing her over. On the opposing counsel was the star attorney of the firm Rebecca Bunch and Connie's former mentor head paralegal Paula Proctor. The meeting was being presided over by Judge Harry Spenser who asked Connie to begin her arguments after Rebecca was done with hers. Once her presentation was over Judge Spenser asked Rebecca if she had any rebuttals. Her opponent was distracted and did not immediately respond claiming she had to examine a crucial piece of evidence.

After looking at her phone, Rebecca asked for the judge for a temporary stay which Connie complained was highly unprofessional. Paula then explained the situation to everyone: Rebecca had moved to West Covina because she's secretly in love with her ex-boyfriend, who is in a committed relationship, and just accidentally sent him a text declaring she was still in love with him. Upon seeing the text on her phone, Judge Spenser gave Rebecca the rest of the day to take care of her mistake. Judge Harry showed Connie the text and she and her client wanted to help as well. Connie quickly shot down Harry's idea that they spin the text was part of 'Opposite day' as she felt no one actually did that anymore.

Connie suggested that Rebecca basically go into witness protection and leave everything behind. Her idea was rejected too and Paula suggested that they could get to Josh's phone before he sees it. Rebecca then remembered that Josh had left his phone at his apartment. Connie and the others encouraged Rebecca to quickly go and delete the incriminating text. Unfortunately Paula was unable to help Rebecca as she had a dinner date with her husband. Connie joined the others to cheer on Rebecca as she rushed out of the building. While on the way to the apartment Rebecca imagined Connie, the litigants and Judge Harry as a 1980's hair band chronicling her efforts through song *(♫ Textmergency ♫)*.

## Notes

### Mrs. Father Brah

 **Special appearances** | Dr.Phil 🎈 Nipsey Hussle 🎈 Dream Ghost #1 🎈 Dream Ghost #2 🎈 J. Castleman 🎈 Tita Myrna 🎈 Anna 🎈 B.J. Novak 🎈 Trina 🎈 Rabbi Shari 🎈 Jeff Channington 🎈 Jarl 🎈 Wendy Legrand 🎈 Xiao Huang 🎈 Fett Regoso
Forget It

**Forget It**
**Performer(s)**: Naomi Bunch — **First Appearance**: "I Will Help You"
**Written by**: Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen, and Adam Schlesinger

"**Forget It**" is a musical performance by Naomi Bunch. In this song she tells her daughter Rebecca Bunch to forget about her new career. It debuted in the Season Four episode "I Will Help You."

## Song and lyrics

Naomi:
Wait wait wait. You want to tell people the truth? At my event Absolutely no way. Forget it. You hear me? Forget it!

SO YOU WANT
I SHOULD BE KNOWN
AS THE MOTHER OF A LOSER

MEET MY DAUGHTER
FORMER LAWYER
NOW A FAILURE
PLEASE EXCUSE HER

AND YOU WANT
THAT I SHOULD SEE THE LOOK
UPON THE RABBI’S FACE

WHEN SHE LEARNS THAT
MISS IVY LEAGUE ATTORNEY’S
A DISGRACE

FORGET IT FORGET IT
YOU CAN JUST FORGET IT
FORGET IT.

FORGET IT FORGET IT
YOU CAN JUST FORGET IT
FORGET IT

IN YOUR SEARCH FOR HAPPINESS
YOU NEVER THOUGHT OF ME
(FORGET IT)

YOU HAVEN’T CAUSED ME
SO MUCH PAIN
SINCE MY EPISIOTOMY
(FORGET IT)

SO YOU WANT
THAT I SHOULD THROW AWAY
MY STERLING REPUTATION
(FORGET IT)

WHILE YOU BLAB
ABOUT YOUR NEW
BOHEMIAN VOCATION

FORGET IT FORGET IT
YOU CAN JUST FORGET IT
FORGET IT

FORGET IT FORGET IT
YOU CAN JUST FORGET IT
FORGET IT!

YOU WANNA THROW YOUR LIFE AWAY
GO AHEAD, SURE
OY
WHAT AM I GONNA TELL EMILIO
AT THE FRAME STORE?

Emilio:
MOMS ALWAYS WORRY ABOUT
WHAT SEMI­ STRANGERS GONNA SAY
AND THEY’RE RIGHT
WE THINK ABOUT IT ALL DAY

WE’RE JUDGING YOU
WE DON’T HAVE OUR OWN LIVES
YOU’RE MORE IMPORTANT
THAN OUR OWN KIDS
AND OUR OWN WIVES

GOD, I MADE REBECCA’S
GRADUATION COLLAGE
BUT I GUESS HER SUCCESS
WAS JUST A MIRAGE

DAMN, NAOMI
THOUGHT YOU WAS A GOOD MOM
I’M GONNA MESS UP
ALL YOUR FRAMES FROM NOW ON

Naomi:
MOMS DON’T SUFFER
TSURIS AND PAIN
TO HAVE THEIR DAUGHTERS
BRING THEM SHAME

Naomi & Moms:
MOMS DON’T SUFFER
TSURIS AND PAIN
TO HAVE THEIR DAUGHTERS
BRING THEM SHAME

Indian Mom:
FORGET IT.

Nigerian Mom:
FORGET IT.

Italian Mom:
FORGETTABOUT IT.

Wasp Mom:
Everything’s fine.

Naomi:
FORGET IT!
Dominique Kelley

**Dominique Kelley** Dancer, actor, choreographer
 **Role**: Assistant Choreographer on "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" — **Show debut**: ""Josh and I Are Good People!""
**Family**: Aaron Kelley (father) **Other work**: "Peter Pan Live!", "La La Land"

## Bio

**Dominique Kelley** is an American actor, dancer and choreography. He was born in 1983 to Aaron Kelley and hails from Bridgeport, Connecticut. It's there he attended the charter high school Bridge academy. Kelley began his professional career at the age of nine in the European tour of the Broadway show *"Black and Blue"*. On April 5, 1998 at the age of fifteen he was selected to replace Savion Glover in the national tour of *"Bring in'Da Noise, Bring in 'Da Funk"*. The following year he co-choreographed the musical *"Wild Woman Blues"*. Into his adulthood he continued to work as a both a performer and choreographer making contributions to hits such as *"In the Heights"*. Kelley also had roles in television shows such as NBC's 2014 network special *"Peter Pan Live!"* and lent his expertise in films like 2016's romantic musical *"La La Land"*. He is currently employee at the Go2 Talent Agency which specializes in providing dancers and choreographers for various entertainment media. In 2015 he started working alongside Kathryn Burns as an assistant choreographer on The CW show Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. He appeared onscreen in the Season One episode "Josh and I Are Good People!" in the performance of "I'm a Good Person" as the choking man. He made another appearance in the Season Two musical performance of "The Math of Love Triangles" as a dancing math professor.

## Résumé

 Other | Kathryn Burns (Choreographer) 🎈 **Dominique Kelley** (Assistant Choreographer) 🎈 Kabir Akhtar (Editing)  Melina Root (Wardobe & Costumes) 🎈 Britney Young (Production assistant) 🎈 Alden Derck (Writer's Production assistant)
Gina Gallego

**Gina Gallego** Actress
 **Role**: Mrs.Hernandez — **Show debut**: ""Josh Just Happens to Live Here!""
 **Other work**: Santa Barbera

## Résumé

*Coming soon!*

 Main | Rachel Bloom ("Rebecca Bunch") 🎈 Donna Lynne Champlin ("Paula Proctor") 🎈 Vincent Rodriguez III ("Josh Chan") Santino Fontana/Skylar Astin ("Greg Serrano") 🎈 Pete Gardner ("Darryl Whitefeather") 🎈 Vella Lovell ("Heather Davis")Gabrielle Ruiz ("Valencia Perez") 🎈 Scott Michael Foster ("Nathaniel") 🎈
 Guest | Tovah Feldshuh ("Naomi Bunch") 🎈 Briga Heelan ("Connie Cavanagh") 🎈 Nipsey Hussle Brittany Snow ("Anna Hicks") 🎈 Rachel Grate ("Audra Levine") 🎈 Andrew Arrow ("Hank") Patti LuPone ("Rabbi Shari") 🎈 Lea Salonga ("Tita Myrna)" 🎈 Grant Rosenmeyer ("Jason") Jayden Lund ("Guardrail") 🎈 Thor Knai (“Xander”) 🎈 John Allen Nelson ("Silas Bunch")
Britney Young ("Nicky") 🎈 Dr.Phil
Clean Up on Aisle 4

**Clean Up on Aisle 4**
**Performer(s)**: Marty — **First Appearance**: ""Josh's Sister is Getting Married!""

"**Clean Up on Aisle 4**" is a song sung by Marty to Ally at the Country Market. He had been encouraged by Greg Serrano to use the store's speaker system to deliver a public display of affection in order to win Ally's heart. The song was first heard in the Season One episode "Josh's Sister is Getting Married!".

## The song with lyrics

This goes out to a young lady
currently restocking feminine products.
It's called "Clean Up on Aisle Four".

[Not an actual clean up Rick.]

*Clean up my heart on Aisle Four.*
*Cuz that's where it lays*
*in a heap of green olives*
*from the olive bar*
*Cuz I'm the pimento to your olive*
*I want to be inside of you*
*but instead my heart is in the floor*
*being crushed like the garlic*
*we sell by the door...*
I'm in Love with a Wonderful Guy

**I'm in Love with a Wonderful Guy**
**Performer(s)**: Campers at Camp Canyon Grove — **First Appearance**: ""Josh Just Happens to Live Here!""
**Written by**: Rodgers and Hammerstein

"**I'm in Love with a Wonderful Guy**" is a song from the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical "South Pacific". In 1995, a teenage Rebecca Bunch was at Camp Canyon Grove and provided back up vocals to this song when this classic musical was staged there. A decade later, Rebecca Bunch was in New York City as a successful attorney when she unexpectedly reunited with her ex-boyfriend from camp Josh Chan. As she interacted with Josh she kept hearing the refrain to the song she performed at camp echo in her head. The song was first heard in the Season One episode "Josh Just Happens to Live Here!" and was reprised in the Season Four episode "I Want To Be Here."

## The song with lyrics

**Nellie**:
I expect everyone of my crowd to make fun
Of my proud protestations of faith in romance,
And they'll say I'm naïve as a babe to believe
Every fable I hear from a person in pants.

Fearlessly I'll face them and argue their doubts away,
Loudly I'll sing about flowers in spring,
Flatly I'll stand on my little flat feet and say
Love is a grand and a beautiful thing!
I'm not ashamed to reveal
The world famous feelin' I feel.

I'm as corny as Kansas in August,
I'm as normal as blueberry pie.
No more a smart little girl with no heart,
I have found me a wonderful guy!

I am in a conventional dither,
With a conventional star in my eye.
And you will note there's a lump in my throat
When I speak of that wonderful guy!

I'm as trite and as gay as a daisy in May,
A cliché comin' true!
I'm bromidic and bright
As a moon-happy night
Pourin' light on the dew!

I'm as corny as Kansas in August,
High as a flag on the Fourth of July!
If you'll excuse an expression I use,
I'm in love, I'm in love,
I'm in love, I'm in love,
I'm in love with a wonderful guy!

I'm as trite and as gay as a daisy in May,
A cliché comin' true!
I'm bromidic and bright
As a moon-happy night
Pourin' light on the dew!

**Girls**:
I'm as corny as Kansas in August,
High as a flag on the Fourth of July!

**Nellie**:
If you'll excuse an expression I use,
I'm in love,

**Girls**:
I'm in love,

**Nellie**:
I'm in love,

**Girls**:
I'm in love,

**Nellie**:
I'm in love,

**Girls**:
I'm in love,

**Nellie**:
I'm in love,

**Girls**:
I'm in love,

**Nellie**:
I'm in love,

**Girls**:
I'm in love,

**Nellie**:
I'm in love,

**Girls**:
I'm in love,

**Nellie and Girls**:
I'm in love with a wonderful guy!
Cup of boba

**cup of boba** Beverage kiosk
**Location**: South Cameron, West Covina — **Debut**: "Josh's Girlfriend is Really Cool!"

The "**cup of boba**" stand is part of a beverage franchise which is located at a park in West Covina, California. Josh and Rebecca often meet up or bump into each other at the beverage stand. It sells several variations of the Taiwanese bubble tea and is a popular local hang out. Twin brothers Ben and David are employed there and are familiar with and friendly to the regular patrons. It's first appearance was in the season One episode "Josh's Girlfriend is Really Cool!".

## Appearances

### Season One

* "Josh's Girlfriend is Really Cool!": Josh asks to meet up with Rebecca at Cup of boba after learning she's trying to become Valencia's friend.
* "Josh and I Are Good People!": Rebecca meets up with Josh at Cup of boba and they look over old photos of themselves at camp until Greg interrupts.
* "My First Thanksgiving With Josh!": Rebecca talks to Ben and David about Josh admitting he is very attracted to her.
* "I'm So Happy That Josh Is So Happy!": Rebecca blows off a therapy session to meet up with Josh at Cup of boba.
* "I'm Back at Camp with Josh!": Paula and Rebecca discuss their plans on trying to win Josh's heart.
* "That Text Was Not Meant for Josh!": While at Cup of boba, Rebecca orders a drink from Ben and David. She is later surprised by Josh when she goes over notes for a case.
* "Why Is Josh in a Bad Mood?": Greg meets up with Hector at Cup of boba for a double date his friend set up for him.
* "Paula Needs to Get Over Josh!": Rebecca tracks down Josh's mom Lourdes Chan to Cup of boba to try and finagle an invite to her daughters wedding.

### Season Two

* "Where Is Josh's Friend?": At Cup of boba, Josh talks to Hector about his current living situation and relationship with Rebecca.
* "All Signs Point to Josh...Or is it Josh's Friend?": Rebecca talks to people who are in a polyamorous relationship.
* "Why Is Josh's Ex-Girlfriend Eating Carbs?": At Cup of boba, Darryl Whitefeather introduces his boyfriend Josh Wilson to his daughter Madison.

 Businesses | Mountaintop/Whitefeather & Associates ( Office Suite 1 🎈 Office Suite 2 🎈 Break room 🎈 Paula's desk 🎈 Boardroom )
 Other | Camp Canyon Grove 🎈 Heritage Bridge 🎈 Electric Mesa 🎈 Los Angeles International Airport
Adam Schlesinger

**Adam Schlesinger** Musician
 **Role**: Executive Music producer on "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" —
 **Other work**: Fountains of Wayne

## Bio

**Adam Schlesinger** was an American songwriter, composer and record producer. He was born on October 31, 1967 in New York City. Schlesinger grew up in a family with musical backgrounds and learned to play piano at age five. He was raised in Manhattan and Montclair, New Jersey where he played in bands throughout his time in high school. He attended Williams College in Massachusetts where he met Chris Collingwood whom he would join years later in forming the band Fountains of Wayne. Before that he played bass in the indie pop trio Ivy while also composing tracks for TV shows and commercials. During this time he also wrote his best known work, the title track to the Tom Hanks film *"That Thing You Do"*. This earned him an Academy award nomination for Best Original Song. Schlesinger used to play bass for both Ivy and Fountains of Wayne while continuing his work on other projects as a producer, songwriter and performer. Through his friendship with Aline Brosh McKenna he was hired as the Executive music producer on "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" for four years. He worked alongside Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen and Steven M. Gold to write the songs and even performed them in several live stage shows.
Schlesinger died on April 1, 2020 at the age of 52 as a result of health complications caused by COVID-19.

## References

1. ↑ https://variety.com/2020/music/news/adam-schlesinger-coronavirus-dead-dies-1203552130/

 Other | Kathryn Burns (Choreographer) 🎈 Dominique Kelley (Assistant Choreographer) 🎈 Kabir Akhtar (Editing)  Melina Root (Wardobe & Costumes) 🎈 Britney Young (Production assistant) 🎈 Alden Derck (Writer's Production assistant)
Do You Believe

**Do You Believe**
**Performer(s)**: Maurice Williams & The Zodiacs — **First Appearance**: "Getting Over Jeff."

“**Do You Believe**” is a classic Doo wop song released in 1960 and performed by Maurice Williams & The Zodiacs. It was a tune played by Jeff Channington in his garage which he and his ex-Girlfriend Paula Proctor danced to in his garage. This song was featured in the Season Three episode "Getting Over Jeff.”

## Song and lyrics

Do you believe
In kissin'
Under the moon
Moonlight
Do you believe
In letting
Me hold
You tight
It's been so long
Since I kissed
Kissed you goodnight
I wanna know
Please tell me so
Do you believe
Do you believe
In all
The things we used to do
Do you believe
Little girl
That I still
Love you
I wanna know
Please tell me so
I wanna know
Do you believe
Your eyes
Are the same
Your sweet lips
Are the same
Baby, please baby, please
Tell me your love
Is the same
I wanna know
Please tell me so
I wanna know
Please tell me so
I wanna know
Do you believe
Do you believe
I'm the Bride of the Pirate King

**I'm the Bride of the Pirate King**
**Performer(s)**: Valencia Perez — **First Appearance**: ""I'm Finding My Bliss""
**Written by**: Rachel Bloom & Adam Schlesinger

"**I'm the Bride of the Pirate King**" is a musical performance by Valencia Perez. In this song the character Valencia portrays is obsessed with being the bride of a pirate despite how poorly he treats her. Its first appearance was in the Season Four episode "I'm Finding My Bliss."

## The song with lyrics

```

```

**Valencia**:
*When he came to my town upon his ship,*
*he pillaged and plundered and looted*
*“You’re mine now!” he said, with a devilish grin*
*“Submit or be executed!”*
*yet, now that I'm his bride,*
*I feel nothing but warmth deep inside!*

*I love the pirate king*
*I sit on his lap and to him I sing*
*he calls me his sparrow, his lamb, his pet*
*his rough pirate kisses, I’ll never forget*
*he hits me but he don’t mean no harm*
*those slaps are part of his pirate-ish charm*
*sometimes I say, “stop it,” but deep down I know*
*if I didn’t like it, I would have left long ago!*

*I love the pirate king*
*he calls my name and it means one thing*
*he’s craving my touch, warm and deep*
*he takes his pleasure even when I’m asleep.*
*If I die at his hand, it won’t be a surprise*
*‘cause my love for the pirate king is true and pure and wise,*
Hungry Vagina Metaphor

**Hungry Vagina Metaphor**
**Performer(s)**: Hungry Cat — **First Appearance**: "I Need Some Balance"
**Written by**: Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen, and Adam Schlesinger

"**Hungry Vagina Metaphor**" is a musical performance by the **Hungry Cat**. In this song a figment of Rebecca Bunch's imagination tells her she needs to get laid. The song debuted in the Season Four episode "I Need Some Balance."

## Song and lyrics

**Cat chorus:**
When day is night
and night is not day
That’s when the cats
come out to play!
Yes we are the Feral Cats
roaming West Covina streets
singing songs about ourselves
over early 80's Broadway beats.

**Hungry Cat:**
I am the hungry cat
I haven’t eaten in months
I’m roaming through the streets
for something to munch
I’m filled with desire
I need to be fed
Don’t be mad if you find crumbs
cause I like to eat in bed
I’m a lonely little kitty
stroke my fur
It feels like silk
then bring me what I really want
a saucer of your milk!
It’s nibble time mister!
No need for chit or chat!
My cavity needs filling cause
I’m a Hungry Cat!