The Chaos Theory: Royal Rumble

The Chaos Theory Episode 2: Big Damo and Shinsuke Nakamura - After their Royal Rumble Matches

(The backstage set up has one round table with seats for three people. The Chaos logo stands behind the table while the TV display has “The Chaos Theory” on display. Hosts Renee Young and Shane McMahon come out and take their seats.)

Young: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Renee Young joined here by my broadcast partner Shane McMahon, and welcome to another edition of The Chaos Theory!!! We’re hot off the heels of two great matches on the Chaos side of things here at the 2017 Royal Rumble PPV. Cien Almas won the vacant Pure Championship in a surprising upset - well credit to the debuting Los Ingobernables de… Well where are they from now?

McMahon: Well when I signed them, they were Los Ingobernables de Japon. I suppose that now they’re Los Ingobernables de Chaos. Maybe Los Ingobernables de Los Estados Unidos? We’ll have to hear from them later on I suppose.

Young: Speaking of LIC, who do you think is the leader? I know Tetsuya Naito has been signed to RRW, and most recently has been traded to Chaos from Uprising for Edge… But he’s yet to be seen.

McMahon: I’m not going to lie and try to fool the fans when they’ve all see the dirtsheets. Tetsuya Naito has indeed been signed to Chaos, and he himself requested that the other members of LIJ be signed here too. Now honestly, that’s as far as I know. Naito didn’t come out there, nor is he here tonight. As a matter of fact, last I heard from Naito, he was going back to Japan to sort some things out with Gedo and Jado. Will he be here tonight? I don’t know. I’ve given ONE spot in the RR to LIC, but whether or not that spot goes to Naito is a mystery to me.

Young: All very interesting. You know, the career resurgence of Tetsuya Naito has been a phenomenal thing. We’ve seen instances where certain stars get big pushes off the bat that aren’t necessarily well received, looking back in history we see examples of people like Lex Luger, Rocky Maivia, Roman Reigns, and so on. Up until a year ago, Naito was on that list but joining Los Ingobernables really re-energized his career. On the topic of Los Ingobs, what are your thoughts on Cien Almas being Pure Champion, particularly on how he won the title?

McMahon: I wish I could punish him… But he didn’t do anything outside the rules of the match. In a match for a vacant championship, it’s kind of an unwritten rule that there are no disqualifications or count-outs. Anything goes. Normally, people respect the integrity of the championship match and stay within the rules of the match. I thought Cien Almas and Big Damo were both men like that, and while yes, I was the one that had signed LIJ to Chaos, I didn’t know that Almas was the one they would rally alongside. Once again… this opens the question as to what Naito’s goals and intentions are here on Chaos.

Young: One more question fans have for you is the sudden interest in the United Kingdom wrestling scene. You’ve had several superstars from the UK like Neville and Finn Balor, however they had already made huge marks on the American scene. Now you’ve had your eyes set on Marty Scurll -

McMahon: And every day I regret letting him go to Heyman…

Young: But I think you’ve made up for it extremely well with the signings of Jimmy Havoc, Big Damo, and Tommy End!

McMahon: I truly think Havoc has the potential to be a bigger star than even Marty Scurll.

Young: So… I’ve heard some other rumblings of potentially Pete Dunne being signed to Chaos?

McMahon: Now where the hell did you hear that? Ah fuck it. If it’s out, it’s out. You’re damn right Pete Dunne has been signed to Chaos… and so have his cronies in British Strong Style, Tyler Bate and Trent Seven! The thing with this whole talent from a specific part of the world concept isn’t a matter of preference. It’s a fact that sometimes one part of the world produces better talent than others. It was the United States in the early 2000’s with the emergence of John Cena, Batista, Randy Orton, and Brock Lesnar, then Mexico in the mid 2000’s with Mistico and Alberto del Rio. NJPW shat out talent like mad in the mid-early 2010’s, and now it’s the UK Independent scene. I’m going to capitalize on anyone and anything I can get my hands on for the betterment of Chaos.

Young: That’s great to hear. Always looking forward. Well without further ado, let’s bring out guest number one for the Chaos Theory… as he calls himself - BIG FOOKIN DAMOOOOOOO!!!!

McMahon: Wow Renee, that sure was a lot of enthusiasm. Do you need a wellness policy exam?

Young: Sure. Just don’t test me for coke.

(Big Damo walks into frame looking angry and frustrated)

Damo: Do I look like I’m in the mood for some fookin jokes? Shane. I’m disappointed in you. Cien Almas cheated to win the title, then you reward one of his LIJ cronies with a spot in the Royal Rumble? I SHOULD HAVE THAT SPOT. NOT NAITO!

McMahon: Well I don’t know if it’s Naito. But you’re right. You want revenge? You’re hungry for it? You got it. Gates of Valhalla, you’ll get to take on Los Ingobernables… But you’re going to take on FIVE of them in a five on five elimination match. You’ve got some team-making to do in the following weeks.

Damo: I don’t give a fook who’s on my team. I’ll take them on 1v5.

Young: So let’s cut the tension and move on with the first question of the night… Damo, some of our American - and well, non-UK fans in general have to ask… What’s with the ‘fookin’? There’s no restrictions on language here on Chaos… so like, why not just say fuck…?

Damo: Why are you fookin stuttering so much? I’ll tell you why I say fookin. You see my people, they’re unoriginal. Every show has the same stupid chants. “OLE OLE OLEEE” The god damn ‘oooh ahhh i want to know if you’ll be my girl” chants. So much generic bullshit. You have Jimmy FUCKING Havoc, Tommy FUCKING End, Marty FUCKING Scurll… So to differentiate myself - it’s FOOKIN. Not a big difference, but still good enough. Next fookin question please.

Young: Well considering the events that occurred previously tonight with Cien Almas and the arrival of Los Ingobernables, and Shane’s announcement of a 5v5 at Gates to Valhalla, what is your plan for combatting LIC?

Damo: I’m not going to spill out my plan because I know that those slant-eyed motherfookers are watching me. But it’s simple isn’t it? Isolate and destroy. Alone, Cien Almas had no chance at beating me. I was dominating him before his bastards came out to hand him the championship. Same thing. In a 5v5, lest they all be disqualified, it’s still one on one at a time. And as for the weeks leading up to GTV… Those bitch motherfookers better hide from me or someone is getting their head ripped off… and eaten.

Young: That’s a fantastic confession of cannibalism… Our last question for you tonight Damo is why didn’t you make a target of Shinsuke Nakamura like Jimmy Havoc did? Especially considering your size and agility, you could easily be a top guy had you made your presence felt.

Damo: I respect what Jimmy Havoc did. He compensated for his smaller stature and evil demeanor by inserting himself into the main event scene with the fancy code reveal and all that, but for me? That shit doesn’t matter. You’re right. I am a top guy. An insane combination of power, size, and speed. I don’t need the pomp and circumstance. I let my actions speak for themselves. The Pure Division is where I am right now. Shinsuke Nakamura is the end-goal, no doubt. One day or another, that CWHC will be mine, but I’ll take my time… Because that’s what Big FOOKIN Damo FOOKIN does.

(Damo gets up and walks off while Shinsuke Nakamura walks by him and stares him down before sitting down.)

McMahon: Hey Shinsuke, how are you doing?

Nakamura: Good, good.

Young: That was one hell of a title defense out there. I really haven’t see anything like that from you during your stay here on Chaos.

McMahon: Yeah, I do have to ask - where did this new attitude come from? I’m loving it!

Nakamura: This isn’t anything new. I had put away this darkness, this wrath and anger, away for so long. I don’t mean to bore you, but look back at my history and you’ll see why. I started out in 2002/2003 as the TOP GUY of NJPW. Before Tanahashi, before Okada, before anyone else, it was me. Gedo had huge plans for me, which is why I won the IWGP Heavyweight Championship back then, before Tanahashi, and I stand as the youngest IWGP WHC of all time. But from then on, people turned their backs on me. I wasn’t fun enough, I was a serious, no-nonsense striker and brawler that beat anyone in my path, and in fact… I never even lost that first IWGP reign of mine. I was injured and it was vacated. Regardless, I then went on my excursion to Mexico and came back to NJPW as the King of Strong Style, as the type of man you know me as today. But just as soon as all the dancing, flashiness, rope hanging and all of that came, I can make it go. I am the World Champion here for a reason - I’m the best. I led Team Chaos because they all believed enough in me to rally for me. I don’t know if you think you know the Bullet Club, but the BC I saw last year, the men who banded together to fight for Chaos… Let me just say that’s something I never would’ve expected out of those bastards. But more about this attitude. I brought it back because I wanted to make Kazuchika Okada suffer. He deserved it for everything he did in regards to HYDRA. And now, he has suffered. He won’t ever dare to challenge me for my title again - and if he does, I’m going to beat him even worse than I did tonight.

Young: I hope for his own good that Okada stays away from you now… Our next question is about perhaps the most buzz-worthy superstar on Chaos today - Jimmy Havoc. Many see Jimmy Havoc as the next guy in line for your title. He debuted against you and Okada, and since then has made you a target. In just a few minutes, he’s going out there to contend in the Royal Rumble. Let’s just say he wins, do you consider Havoc a real threat to your title?

Nakamura: I’m going to answer honestly - yes. I know for a fact that when it comes down to it, Havoc can’t hold a candle to me in pure ability. I’m faster, taller, stronger, and hit way harder. But this is wrestling, not the UFC. In wrestling, the smarter man often wins. I’m not saying Havoc is necessarily smarter by any means, but he’s a devious fucker. He held onto that PROGRESS World Championship for over 600 days. That’s no laughing matter, that’s a title that has been contended for by the likes of Marty Scurll, Chris Hero, Adam Cole, and so on. Sure, he barely had a clean defense but what do the history books show? That he cheated to retain, or that he held the title for 600 days? He’s not evil. Just edgy. But by god, Nakamura vs Havoc has the makings to be one of the greatest matches of all time. I’m looking forward to the possibility of facing him, although I’m sure he’ll make me regret saying this.

Young: And in the off-chance that Havoc doesn’t get the opportunity to face you, who would you like to face at Dominion of Wrestling?

Nakamura: Of everyone on the current roster, probably Hideo Itami. I’m selfishly hoping he loses the International Championship because then his next step would be to come face me. Other than that, Tommy End, Sami Zayn, or Neville are three of the breakout stars of Chaos that I’d like to compete with.

Young: And our final question for you is, do AJ Styles, Finn Balor AND Hiroshi Tanahashi deserve a CWC title shot because of their contributions in WarGames?

Nakamura: I don’t think it’s just their contributions in WarGames that should beckon them a World Championship shot. One of the other things that makes me filled with hatred for Okada is that his bullshit world title reigns deprived us of so many awesome match-ups that could have been had for the World title. I do believe that Styles, Balor, and Tanahashi are all top five contenders for my title. So my message to them is to bring it on, and show me what they’re made of.

McMahon: I’ll be looking into determining your next few title contenders Shinsuke. Thanks for your time, you can go on and rest now.

Nakamura: Yes thank you. Good night guys.

(Nakamura gets up and shakes hands with Shane and Renee before walking off)

Young: And folks, that concludes yet another episode of The Chaos Theory. We’ll see you tomorrow night after Chaos with guests Chris Sabin and Alex Shelley, and another special guest…

McMahon: Take care and good night!