Voyage 'round the world with Wither/North Korea

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## **Intro**

Arguably the craziest nation on the whole planet. Basically, a very much isolated madhouse with brainwashed, imprisoned people who can't help but pray to their overweight Supreme Leader, their *de facto* absolute monarch with an aristocratic family, to whom they pray as gods.

North Korea is also America's little fly that just won't go away. Tensions between these guys are really high right now, oh yeah and now Japan's mixing themselves into this shit as well. This'll be a fun ride, at least if Rocket Man doesn't bomb us like Link does the Dodongos.

## **The Supreme Leaders**

Basically, the Supreme Leader of North Korea is this guy. He sucks. Also, he's fat. *Officially*, his name is Kim Jong-Un, but people outside of the country call him by other names, like Rocket Man (Donald Trumpoline) and King Fatty the Third (Chinese people). Inside the nation sadly, everyone's forced to call him The Supreme Leader or The Brilliant Comrade. Wow, that's bullshit.

Rocket Man is known for generally being a dick, 'cause he oppresses his population and forces them to consider him to be a god. Speaking of which, Kim Jong-Un and his entire family are claimed to be literal gods with magical superpowers, such as

* **Super speed**
* **Teleportation**
* **Invisibility**
* **Turning water into grenades** (wut)
* **Weather manipulation**
* **The ability to drive cars at age 2**
* **Curing cancer, aids and ebola** (ngl this would be pretty useful)
* **Stopping others from ageing**
* **The ability to never piss or take shits**

Hey, this actually gives me the impression we should make these morons some profiles on the VS Battles Wiki. (pls dont im just joking)

**PASSPORT OF KIM-JONG UN**

* **Name:** Kim Jong-Un, the Supreme Leader and Brilliant Comrade
* **Nick:** (Little) Rocket Man, King Fatty the Third
* **Age:** We're actually not sure here. We do know his birthday is 8 January, but North Korea's so damn secretive we have no idea wether he's born in 1982, 1983 or 1984. So he's either 35, 36 or 37 years old. Damn.
* **Gender:** We all know he's a washtub, but let's just call him a dude.
* **House:** Kim Dynasty / Mount Paektu Bloodline
* **Build:** F A T
* **Kids:** One daughter confirmed (Kim Ju-Ae), possibly two other kids
* **Sexiness Percentage:** 0%
* **Haircut:** How has he not fired his barber yet?

Also, they claim Kim Jong-Il was a fashion icon and invented the hamburger. I don't even—

## **Monarchy**

Bullshit aside, we'll talk about North Korea's governance ... which is more bullshit. God dammit!

Basically, an appropriate description of North Korea's governance is "One-party totalitarian military dictatorship under an absolute monarchy".

"But Wither, North Korea isn't a monarchy, it's a republic!"

Tbf, they call themselves the "Democratic People's Republic of Korea", but they're not actually very democratic. Heck, they claim to be communist, but technically speaking, North Korea isn't even communist. Wow.

While *officially* a republic, there are arguments for why North Korea behaves far more like a monarchy:

* Dictatorship of the country is entirely heriditiary and vested in solely the Kim Dynasty. The official constitution of the "Democratic" People's Republic of Korea states that only someone from the Kim Dynasty may rule the nation. Basically this means that unlike other dictatorships, government officials can't rise to power, only members from the Kim family can.

* Speaking of which, did you hear it? No? Well lemme say that again. Kim **DYNASTY**. Heard it? Hells yeah, DYNASTY. Also, the family is incredibly aristocratic and elitist and are given a damn lot of special privileges. And that for an allegedly "communist" state where everyone is *de jure* equal.

* They live in big sexy palaces. A palace is more often than not where a monarch resides.

* Many of the marriages in the Kim family are arranged to other members of the elite.

Overall, while officially a republic, North Korea behaves alot more like an absolute monarchy.

Who are these monarchs anyway?

### **The Monarchial Family**

*Note:* dfc. = *De facto* comparable to

**FL** Ri Sol-Ju  [c. 1986-] (dfc. Queen/Empress)

* Kim Ju-ae  [c. 2012-] (dfc. Princess)
* A son\* {name unknown} [c. 2010-] (dfc. Prince)

**Gen.** Kim Kyong-Hui  [1946-] (dfc. Princess)
**HE** Kim Pyong-Il  [1954-] (dfc. Prince)
**Col.** Kim Jong-Nam  [1971-2017] (dfc. Prince)
**HA** Kim Jong-Chul  [c. 1981-] (dfc. Prince)

**EPR** Kim Il-Sung  [c. 1912-1994] (dfc. King/Emperor)
**DL** Kim Jong-Il  [c. 1941-2011] (dfc. King/Emperor)

\*The existence of said son is unconfirmed, but alleged by various internal sources and defectors.

And guess what, that's just scraping the tip of the iceberg.