Cow

Is a cow

## Colors

He is black and white and is a cow

(EXTREME WARNING: COWS CAN ALSO BE COLORS LIKE BROWN)

## Funny pictures

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## The Man in the Fields Ritual

This ritual has been passed down throughout the centuries, and originates from the British Isles during the Middle Ages, where it was viewed as devil worship by puritans and a way to protect your home by those who knew that what was really standing in their fields was not the devil. If completed successfully, the ritual will ensure you one year of safety, physical, fiscal and/or mental depending on the events during the ritual.

You will need:

A house in the countryside, preferably with a field of crops out back. Technically, all that’s required is a large backyard, the larger the better, but success has only come from houses in the countryside.

A candle. Attempting to use a flashlight, cell phone, or any other electronic source of light will be unsuccessful, causing the light source to flicker and die after only a few seconds, which is why either a candle, an oil lamp or any sort of non-electric illumination is recommended.

A crucifix. I’ll explain why later.

A watch or clock to carry around with you. Again, cell phones will not work during the ritual.

To begin the ritual, make sure it is late enough for no one around to be outside, and make sure that the sun has set. The being the ritual is based around will not appear if anyone other than the summoner is around to detect its presence. The earliest successful summon was at nine o’clock. Light your candle. Go out into your yard and whisper seven times, “But who will scare the crows away?” while facing the house. On the seventh whisper, you should hear from behind you, “That’s not your biggest problem.” Walk back to the house without looking back. As soon as you reach the house, get inside and close the door.

Now the ritual begins. Everything in your house that can open, has. Take your crucifix into a room with only one door, close the door, and leave it there. That will be your safe room in case the ritual goes wrong. Make sure all the doors, cupboards, cabinets, and whatever else that can open is closed in there. If he gets into your safe room, you are doomed. Your goal is to close everything that is opened before your watch reaches midnight. This sounds easy in description, but think about it. Every bag, every door, every window, every container in your house has just opened. The challenge isn't closing them all, it’s remembering them all.

As you make your way through your darkened house, you will notice that out of the corner of your eye, you will be able to see a man, dressed in simple farmer’s clothes, out of the corner of your eye. His skin is ash grey. Don’t look at him, and whatever you do, don’t look directly into his eyes, but don’t be afraid of him.

This is not the Man in the Fields.

He is merely a herald, a referee of sorts to make sure that you’re closing every container. He will be following you, but will not get in your way.

Make sure not to look out into your backyard. If you do, you will notice that there is a scarecrow that wasn't there. Its head is a cow’s skull, and its limbs are impossibly long versions of a human being’s arms and legs. While the skin on its arms and legs is pale, they are not skeletal. The only thing that it is missing is a head.

If you fail the ritual, or do not reach your safe room in time, he will take yours.

The reason I was telling you not to look out at the backyard, is that you will notice this scarecrow. He will also notice you.

He will then begin to get off his post.

This is the Man in the Fields.

If you don’t look at the backyard, don’t see the post and the scarecrow, you will have until midnight to complete the ritual. If you are 100% sure that everything in your house that can open has closed, make your way to your bed and go to sleep. For exactly one year, you will have complete and total safety in everything you do, depending on when you started the ritual. If you started it three hours from midnight, you will only be completely physically safe. A lot of people have used this to elongate their lives past where they would normally end, people like cancer patients and the elderly.

If you started two hours from midnight, you will not only be physically safe, but financially safe for a year. You could quit your job and still never have a need for money. Either you win the lottery or people just feel compelled to give you things for free. However, you will need to set up a plan for the end of the year, as your safety will wear off then and you will lose all the money you have won. Make sure to either set up a business or make some smart investments.

If you started the ritual one hour from midnight and somehow managed to finish it (highly unlikely), you will be completely and totally safe for one year. None of your actions will ever have any negative consequences. I’d tell you not to do anything immoral, but if you’re going to go through your entire house in one hour and somehow manage to close all the boxes, doors, windows, cupboards, bags, cabinets and drawers, then you can do whatever the hell you want.

If you did look out at the backyard, if you saw the Man in the Fields, you will not get any of this, not even if you finished the ritual. If you looked out at the backyards, the Man in the Fields will get down off his scarecrow post. He will look at you. He will begin sprinting.

You have a minute at most to get to your safe room. Run inside and lock it tight, and double-check to see if everything is closed inside. You do not want him getting in. You will have to endure him scratching and clawing at the door, shrieking threats and promises of mercy if you open the door. Whatever he says or does, do NOT open the door. There is no circumstance in which you should leave your safe room to confront the Man in the Fields.

Good luck, and stay safe.