286: Mustard Soup

## Summary

The party head out with a view to resting up before tackling whatever-it-is that's under the lake. No sooner have they set out, they bump into Sheemie, who's been apprehended for stealing a *Philter of Love* from *Boris' Potions*. Will disguises himself as a city guard and cons Sheemie out of trouble, only to then be immediately accosted by a worried mother whose son, Otis, went missing after the staircase collapse.

## Synopsis

Will stops Batthwack on his way out the door and tries to convince him to hand over the book, reminding him that Vera is somewhere inside. Batthwack says *"Yeah, I should definitely be holding it. Thanks Will,"* and walks calmly around the slack-jawed Will. Once they're all outside, Rosco says *"I want to get the hell out of Beartoggle as soon as possible. And so, whatever you need to do here, I will help you do it as quickly as you can. And then I'm out of here, and if you want to come with, you can. You got one day."* Will suggests resting up before tackling whatever it is that's beneath the lake. Rosco's heard the rumours about the dragon and the lake, but he's really past caring at this point.

Looking around for Sheemie, Will wonders if in fact he might have struck out on his own while they were in the Sooty Gang hideout. Batthwack suggests they head back to the store where the flying boots were on sale and shows Rosco the magical anti-plant axe he intends to sell for them. The logic of wanting flying boots to battle an underwater creature escapes Rosco, who wonders if Batthwack has in fact been cursed by either the boots or the axe. Maybe that's why he's so obsessed with these boots.

Desperate to get on with their mission, Raphina urges them all to hurry up, and they head off in the direction of the store. They haven't gone any distance when up ahead they notice something of a kerfluffle, eventually recognising that it's actually Sheemie, who's been accosted by a big burly man and is being dragged down the road. Sheemie is protesting loudly, *"I didn't do nothing. No, let me go!"* Batthwack and Will march towards them, Will transforming into the likeness of a Beartoggle city guard.

Swinging his billy club authoritatively, Will breaks up the two of them. The burly man is relieved to see a guard, saying he's been looking everywhere for one, and tells them that he caught Sheemie drinking a *Philter of Love* potion from his store before running off without paying. The man's name is Boris, the proprietor of *Boris' Potions*. Will tries to extract the boy, saying he's going to throw him in jail, and Batthwack gives Sheemie a wink, who winks back. However, Boris insists that he be compensated for the potion, which he says cost 90gp. Will tries to blind Boris with bureaucracy, telling him to provide all the details in writing, and Raphina even casts *Suggestion* to convince him to cooperate, but he's not having any of it.

Suddenly, a light bulb goes on in Raphina's brain. *"Boris? Wait a second! I know you, Boris! I know this name. I've read about you in the papers. Didn't you have some sort of scandal about diluting your potions?"* *"That was my dad!"* explains Boris defiantly. Raphina suggests that in that case Sheemie needs urgent medical attention, but Boris still won't budge. Rosco isn't really engaged with these events, having been unsettled by the mention of love potions, but at this point he does send Rosco the dog over to start nipping at Boris' heels. Boris is afraid of dogs and while he's distracted kicking at the animal to get him off, Will begins to drag Sheemie away and *Messages* him questions about the potion, learning that it was light pink and very bubbly. He's able to sneak the empty bottle off Sheemie and casts *Creation* to fill it again with a counterfeit liquid.

When Will pulls out the fake potion, Boris finally changes his tune, and in fact becomes incredibly embarrassed for falsely accusing Sheemie. Will can't resist pushing the envelope though and actually fines Boris 10gp for causing a ruckus, who begins apologising profusely. *"It's just been a very hard month. Sales have been down. My dad, he would have been so disappointed me," he says dejectedly. Boris hands him 12gp, and Will gives Sheemie the extra 2gp.*

Boris leaves to go back and attend to his store, but no sooner has he gone, a woman fraught with worry and anxiety approaches Will and tells him that her son, Otis, has been missing ever since the collapse of the Grand Staircase. The absence of city guard has really made Will a hot commodity. Will's trying not to listen to this lady, but with Raphina's help they do get a description of the boy: he's 12 years old, a little on the short side for his age, has blond hair about shoulder length, and a crooked nose which he broke when he was five. He was wearing an undyed, rough-hewn tunic and a pair of dark green breeches and had been attending the race with his friends, though he wasn't taking part.

The lady is really worried and says she hasn't been able to find any city guard. Sitting off to one side, Rosco recalls the complete lack of crisis management after the disaster (where he had hoped to snag some free soup). He mutters to himself, *"Fuckin' Beartoggle. Fuckin' world. You know, it pretends to matter, it pretends to care, but then it doesn't put its fucking money where its mouth is. What's the fucking point? Rudy, get ready. One day... one day."* He wearily hoist himself up and goes over to the lady. He makes something up about it being Will's birthday and that his shift is about to end, before saying, *"I'll also say this... Growing up, I spent time with a travelling group of performers. Our boss was kind of a prick, you know, so whenever somebody wanted to get out of this circus, what they would do, is in the middle of the night, they would stage some kind of disaster. A fire or something affecting their waggon or their tent, so that they would be presumed dead. But all they really wanted to do was run away in the night."* He suggests maybe her son took advantage of the situation and decided to move on to a better life. The lady is clearly offended by this.

Clearly tiring of this conversation, Will says they'll be right on it. The lady again raises the concerning fact that no guards have been seen and Will makes excuses, *"I'm strapped. I mean, I've been pulling like triple shifts. There's just nobody here."* *"Can I give you a little something to keep an eye out?"* The lady starts rummaging through her little coin purse and hands Will 2sp and 12cp. When she asks, Will gives his badge number as 937-F. *"All right, well, I'm gonna take this money and go do a good job finding your son,"* says Will, who can't believe his luck.

## Quotes

* Add memorable quotes from the episode here!

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes KT. Adam is asking if the city of Beartoggle had organised any kind of crisis management after the collapse of the Grand Staircase, saying *"Is there a building or a space that's been set up for victims, or for people looking for survivors?"* KT: *"We probably don't know. Maybe Adam does though."* Adam: *"Rosco might."* Eric: *"They have free soup!"* KT: *"Mustard soup, in fact!"* Eric: *"No, he adds the mustard."*
* Episodes 285 and 286 were released together due to the technical problems during the recording of the session for episode 285.
* This week's (second) episode description describes the Pork Fried Dice wiki as: salacious.

## Gallery

*Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice*

## References

1. ↑ See episode 255: Have You Ever Played, Uh, Hopscotch?
2. ↑ See episode 274: Treat Mo-Self
3. ↑ See episode 267: Mo’s Riding Steed on the Lake in My Dreams