Journals

### **Joe's Journal: Page #1**

*By the time of this journal's creation, the writer will be officially deceased. Everything about the writer's history will be found here, as the last of himself remaining. The only message i give you:*

*There is no hope.*

*For as long as i can remember, every action i ever took had consequences. I'd lie awake at night thinking of what i did. I would think of the actions i took that day, that weekend, and beyond. I would lie awake for hours wishing i did something different. For the longest time, i've been blinded by fear.*

*One of the many things i would often think about is something i had done-- or nearly done when i was a child. My mother had went out to take care of personal errands whilst i was in the car. As young as i was, i had messed around with the car. Specifically the windows.*

*I put my finger on the window, and turning the window up. It eventually hit its peak. I felt pain, and wanted to turn the window down. But i did not know what button went up and what went down. Thankfully, i hit the right button. I almost lost my finger in that moment, had i not pushed the right button.*

*I think of that one moment every now and then, and what were to happen if i hit the wrong button. This is just one of many. I guess you truly can't understand me without knowing me, so let me take you to the beginning. To start things off, i was not supposed to be born.*

*My father had not wanted me. I was just a few decisions away from being "flushed". From what my mother had told me, i apparently spoke to her during pregnancy. I took it as a hallucination; never thought that would save my life. And so, my life officially started.*

*My mother told me stories of what my father used to be like before their marriage. Apparently, he wanted to marry my mother really badly. They even moved to america together, to start a new life... together. But that all changed when i was born.*

*Him not wanting me should've been her first clue. My father never liked me. He often abused my mother, and wanted me to stay with her. At some point, my father forced my mother to pay for the bills. He forced her to cook and clean, and give him money.*

*Despite mother denying otherwise, he used that money to buy drugs. He would also buy cigarettes, hell he even chain smoked. More proof that my father never wanted me: our bed was half crooked. He would force me to sleep on the crooked side.*

*My mother got very unlucky. This was **not** her turning point. Despite all the terrible things my father had committed, there was one thing that hurt my mother more. My mother had left her mother-- her entire **family**to go and marry my father. She had passed away when i was a mere toddler. She had always felt guilty about this.*

*After the passing of my grandmother, she packed her things and took me with her, and left my father. She had gotten a new job and a new home as my father turned even more of a scumbag. But because of this, we were extremely tight on money. I remember always wanting toys and icecream, but couldn't afford it.*

### **Joe's Journal: Page #2**

*Desperate enough, my mother had commited illegal sexual acts just to get by. During this time, i had finally entered school. Kindergarten wasn't bad at all, in fact i had the most friends around that time. Enter the first grade, where i was picked on a lot. I once had long, curly-- bushy head of hair. Everyone in class called me bushy head.*

*And with my mother being poor as all hell, i had purple colored underwear. One classmate noticed, and started making fun of me. Everyone else soon followed. My first grade was not pleasant, but i had never been to second grade due to the condition my mother was in.*

*Enter the third grade: the new school i had went to had a combination of two grades for certain classes. I had went to second/third grade. I had new teachers, new classmates, and a chance to make friends. That all went downhill really fast.*

*There had been a group of half indian children. One tall, one short, and one with a short mohawk. When they saw me, they had picked on me as the new kid. In the playground, they would often not let me play. The kid with the mohawk, named Jaden, had often made fun of me and claimed i was a second grader despite me saying otherwise.*

*But there were mistakes on my part. For instance, a kid from afghanistan had wanted to be my friend, and i made fun of him for his skin color. I know, awful of me. But the truly bad things i had done pale in comparison. A kid who sat next to me, named Jermain, was a big scumbag.*

*Jermain asked me if i wanted to steal things with him. I accepted. One of the first things we stole was a chocolate egg from the teacher's desk. We had ran away from the classroom soon after as i retreated to the bathroom. I had ate the chocolate egg to hide the evidence.*

*As i come back to class, Jermain had told the teacher about me stealing. But i wasn't too mad. We had tried to steal more a week after. First it was a glowing toy, in which the teacher caught us. And finally, the big one. One of our classmates named Mark had a tamagachi.*

*I alone had stole the tamagachi from his bag, but he eventually noticed. He had began crying, and he revealed that his mother gave him the tamagachi before traveling away. We all had began looking for it. And like a complete idiot, i go to the teacher trying to prove my innocence, i reach into my pocket trying to show i didn't have it...*

*Then she noticed. She grabbed the tamagachi from my hoodie pocket, and had gave me a lecture about stealing. Every other student had avoided me since that day. But along came graduation, where i had quite literally peed my pants.*

*The 4th grade was an interesting time. I told myself that i wouldn't steal, that i wouldn't do anything wrong. I had returned to my old school where... 2 old classmates were sitting. I still had my "bushy" hair, and they continued to call me bushy head. But i ignored them, and continued on this brave new world.*

### **Joe's Journal: Page #3**

*When i proceeded to go to the other kids, i had asked if they wanted to be friends. Some said yes, but there were a few who said no. 2 in particular. Not the old classmates as i had avoided them. I believe to this day that it was discrimination against my race.*

*I did make friends more quickly though. And sitting a few desks across from me was, at the time, a cute asian girl named Geanne. She was my first crush. Like a complete moron, i tell a kid who was sitting next to me, as i was making friends, that she's cute.*

*Now this god damn kid. He went around telling other kids and her that i found her cute, but i of course denied it. I had it pretty good for a while, but i had started something i didn't notice. I never actually paid attention in class, all i did was fool around and talk to other kids, and sometimes get out of my seat.*

*Around winter, there was a new toy/game going around. Kids in the playground had been playing this with each other. So one day, i go to a kid in my class named Simon and i ask if i could borrow this toy. He was reluctant at first, but told me to return it by tomorrow.*

*Of course, i had lost this toy that night. Simon never got this toy back despite me saying i'd buy him a new one. But this and my not paying in class created a name for myself. Other kids laugh at me or are annoyed by me, which made me very upset.*

*Come February, my mother had taken me to a library near the school. She got me a membership, and i could use the internet whenever i wanted. I go to a computer and i start playing a game on this one social network website. Of all the people who could sit in front of my computer, it was her.*

*Geanne. I start talking to her, i start friending her on the website, and we had talked for a bit. She had to leave soon after, but the very next day i went to the library, and i got on the internet. And there she was, online. I had said "Hi", and she had responded.*

*Geanne had asked me if the rumors of me liking her was true, and i had said yes. Her response gave me the biggest hope, the biggest smile, and although it wasn't much... she responded with hearts and "awwwww". I thought i had her. The very next day in class, i had approached her. She didn't treat me very well, she acted like it never happened.*

*I became upset afterward. Days just went by as i was thought to be annoying by the rest of the class. Hell, my mother yelled at me for my mediocre report card. Everything was pretty much hell, and it was my fault. Near the end of the school year, simon had forgiven me and added me on this social network. He had told me bad news.*

*A really nice and smart kid, by the name of Xavier Cornellius... this truly did hurt my feelings-- he was dating Geanne. I had felt heartbroken, more so than before. And so came the end of a terrible school year, which i absolutely despised.*

*As i close this page, something bad had happened during the end of school. My aunt, my father's sister, had visited. My mother seemed to like her, which was a shock. She had told me stories after my mother had left, that my father was a great man. That he was better than my mother. She had also shown me pictures of her family, and how my grandfather from her side and my mom's side looked suspiciously similar...*

### **Joe's Journal: Page #4**

*After my aunt had left, i had become obsessed with my father who was never there. I was young at the time, i was just learning. Everytime my mother tried to start a nice converstion, i managed to always side with my father. This was the main turning point of my life.*

*She became so mad, that she gave me up. She had called her family and sent me to live there forever. She had gave me up, and started rehabilitation. I never wanted to leave, hell i begged and pleaded. No matter how many times she admitted she loves me, deep down she does **not**.*

*An entirely new life had began for me. I had travelled to my native homeland and seen my massive family. My uncle, who was overweight and very strict. My aunt, who was also very strict, but sometimes loving and kind. My cousins, one older female who was extremely annoying and disgusting.*

*The other one being older, who was very big and always bullied by my uncle, and he became a bully himself. And finally, another cousin who was just visiting. The first few days were terrible for me. I was homesick, i cried for days upon days. Then weeks went by when i saw the true reason why my mother left.*

*My female cousin was always hurt. My uncle gave her rules upon rules, a curfew, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't escape. He soon gave me rules upon rules, very strict ones. Overtime, i had noticed that they loved my third cousin more than me. Only because he was raised by them, and i wasn't.*

*Nothing of significance happened the first year, as we enter the second. My older cousin, to help me shut the hell up, he gave me a laptop with internet. During the first year, i had just wanted a lot of television. I had searched my favorite cartoon on the internet, and i eventually found a fanbase full of it.*

*In this fanbase, or should i say fan website, it had a chatroom. For once, i could make true friends. I lied about everything from my name to my race just so i could be cool. I made many friends, and hell, i'd stay up all night and sleep during the day just so i could follow their timezone.*

*My family did not approve of this however. They decided to send me to school, but for an entire year i had refused to speak my native tongue. No matter how much they tried talking me into it, no matter how many times they yelled or even physically took action, i would not speak.*

*I don't truly know why, but i had always assumed it was when my mother forced me to speak english, or else... i would rather not talk about this. Anyway, deep down... i thought i was just embarrassed or scared. And so my years began of me staying awake at night and asleep in the morning.*

### **Joe's Journal: Page #5**

*As the new year began, it became more promising. My younger cousin had left as i had a small "party" in the chatroom for the new year. I began looking through the past few years, and my family really did become nice to me overtime. They treated me like a son.*

*They spoiled me. They let me stay up all night, they cooked whatever i wanted, and they became less strict towards me overtime. I don't know what it was, if it was just my time there... or them trying to make me good... i just don't know. To this day, i don't know what happened to make them love me like a son.*

*I began to truly call my aunt and uncle "Mom and Dad". I realized that they were the parents i never truly had. I know the sudden change of "mean and strict" to "being spoiled & true parents" might seem too big for you, the reader, but there is no other way to explain this. It was just sudden.*

*I do not have too much else to say about this year, but the one thing that changed me. The one thing that... truly changed me psychologically. My older cousin loves birds, he has many all over the house. In his room, the kitchen, or the living room. He just loves birds.*

*His favorite bird, a small baby that can't fly, was so energetic. I have no other words to describe it. It was beautiful. After a few days, my family all went out for dinner. I refused to come because i simply wanted to chat, so they left me in charge of the bird.*

*To me, it was frustrating. It was hungry, but it refused to eat. It was thirsty, but refuses to drink. It tries to fly out of my hands. I became so stupidly frustrated that i threw the bird on the ground. The poor thing couldn't fly and hit hard. It stumbled for a few seconds, then just died.*

*...I paused. I couldn't believe what i had done... i killed a bird. I did the only thing i could: lie. I placed the bird next to the already on AC, and when they arrived, they thought it was just too cold for the bird. I was crying... and crying... god damnit.*

*Every action i've ever took, i had it replayed in my head. The car window... the times i've stressed out my mother by asking for toys or candy... how i always spill food on my shirt, somehow... i would lie awake at night thinking about it. And even future actions, i would lie awake at night.*

*For the next few years, it became easier to live with my family. Besides my... psychological issues. My online friends helped keep me company into my teenage years. I don't think i had ever been this happy in my life. But then...*

### **Joe's Journal: Page #6**

*My mother calls. This is not such a bad thing at the time, in fact i was quite happy to hear my mom's voice again. We talked about the past, although i wanted to avoid that topic. She told me the stories about my father before marriage. She talked about my grandmother, and how sweet she was.*

*I got around to asking her about my grandfathers, and why they looked so similar. She told me the honest truth that just freezes me up 'till this day. My mother and father were... cousins. When i heard i was a product of... that, i just couldn't live with it. I tried to erase it from my mind.*

*She also told me that i'll be coming "home" in less than a year, which added to my paralyzation. I didn't quite want to leave the only people in my life who were kind... who actually cared... who wouldn't just abandon me whenever they're mad. But alas, i had no choice.*

*As my remaining weeks turned into mere days, i had gone from telling myself i didn't care to crying every night. And on my final night, my fake mother had found me crying, and promised me from the bottom of her heart that i would return as soon as i could. And for a while, i believed her.*

*And with that thought in mind, i had finally gave myself the courage to return home, Brooklyn. Upon my arrival, i had noticed a drastic change: Mother was not there to pick me up. Instead, a young man named Jim had been there. He was the one to drop me off to my mother's place. But i never thought much of it.*

*As i came home, the first thing she says to me in person, the first thing she says to me in **YEARS** was to take off my family's clothes and to wear hers. I never thought much of that as well. Even though she did not say a single "hello", she did offer me cupcakes... how nice?*

*I spent the first six nights crying myself to sleep, missing my family. And in the first morning, my mother looks at me and tells me that she hates my hair, my growing stuble, and my face really. No matter how much i tried to stop her, she ignored every single thing i've said and proceeded. Everyday she'd put some cream crap on my face.*

*She tried everything in her power to give me a complete makeover, to make me perfect to her. And everyday since my arrival, she would go into my room and notice me on my laptop, chatting to my only friends. She would ask me everyday about what i was doing, and i would refuse to show.*

*And even after all of this, i never hated my mother. She seemed nice to other people, her relationship with Jim was almost romantic despite the age difference, and she told me that he was the son of the great U.S. general, James Rose.*

*But things escalated quickly on my sixth day, if you will. I believe she had heard me crying, and the very next day she had made some calls and she had registered me to school. She hated how i was on the laptop all day, and in the remaining days leading up to school, she forced me to come to work with her, even making me do work.*

### **Joe's Journal: Page #7**

*My life started to escalate since my first day returning to school. I had no access to my friends, i was forced to work, and my mother wanted me to be perfect. But i thought perhaps school would be much better than before. I wish that were the case.*

*My first day wasn't anything special. Most students were all american, and i was the odd man out. Students decided to ignore me everytime i passed by, whenever i tried to make friends, they walked away. Any crush i supposedly had, they were talking behind my back.*

*And between my life at school, home, i had no enjoyement. I don't get to talk to my friends anymore, even though my timezone had been fixed. I was forced to do work with my mother when i got home, and at school nothing was much fun. On my way back home though, i did find a cheap journal.*

*I spend most of my time writing on this journal, just to pass the time. My mother, despite not knowing what i write, approves of this. Hell, nowadays i barely notice the bad because of this journal, because i mainly have nothing to do. And now that i'm all caught up, i feel accomplished.*

*Ahhh, a new day, a new entry. Finally catching up feels so good. It truly does take my mind off not being able to reach my family or friends, and my tedious life. But you know what, i don't feel anything could go any worse. I'm feeling a little tired, though. And plus, my mother has an important meeting today, so i'll update this later.*

### **Joe's Journal: Page #8**

*URGGGGGGGGGGGGH! THIS IS NOT FAIR. NO. I HATE EVERYONE! SCREW MY MOTHER, SCREW MY FAMILY, SCREW EVERYONE ELSE! ALL I CAN TRUST IS MYSELF!!!*

### **Joe's Journal: Page #9**

*That bitch. Who does she think she is? Taking me away from my family for your own benefit, WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS? I'M ONLY HERE SO SHE CAN LOOK GOOD IN FRONT OF HER FRIENDS? IS THAT ALL I'M GOOD FOR? And my family... they're a bunch of liars too. My mother had no fucking intent in bringing me back.*

*SHE CANNOT DO THIS TO ME. SHE CANNOT JUST IMPRISON ME HERE JUST SO SHE CAN BUILD UP SELF ESTEEM IN FRONT OF HER FUCKING FRIENDS, WHO ARE JUST A BUNCH OF PHONIES. SHE CANNOT BOSS ME AROUND ANYMORE, I'M A PERSON!!!!! ARGGGGHHH!!!!*

*I... i really wrote that? Maybe i was just too mad. I never thought i'd write something like this... not like i'd ever admit it anyway. But it's still unfair. She can't just leave me here away from my family. Not like i'd ever talk to her about it. Ahhh, who am i kidding, i would...n't. Wait, what? I need a break...*

*...And it's been two days since i've touched this journal, happy weekends. I got more time with my laptop, and i'm going back to school... hooray! Y'know, the sad thing is you can't tell sarcasm with just a bunch of words. Not like anyone would ever find this journal, anyway. I guess it's time for school.*

*I hate life. Plain and simple. God is never on my side, and no one ever will be. You would think getting rejected by your crush would be enough, but spilling just a tiny bit of milk would cause the entire lunchroom to riot in laughter? This is disgraceful. What kind of god would allow this world? This is just unfair.*

*Almost went a full day without the journal, glad i didn't. For the reader out there, it's late for me. I'm just writing under my blankets, reading through my life. Seems like i wasted page eight, and i have one last page to spare. This journal came cheap, it wasn't anything particularly big.*

*I may have overreacted a few times, i may have a terrible life from the looks of it, hell i look like a madman. But this journal pretty much helped me through school. Just writing what i thought, what had happened to me... i never thought it was anything this bad...*

*I'd be up for letting the past be the past, but it always lingers. When i think i'm free, something new always comes along. I'd love for people to read this journal, to reflect really. During the creation of this journal, i had never known i had anxiety. But i think i should really get away from this journal. I should do something else. My break begins with this page's end.*

### **Joe's Journal: Page #10**

*For as long as i could remember, i had thought of my mother as a terrible person. Well, apparently she's getting tired of me. She had seen my report card last night, and she was not happy at all. She got tired of me, i responded that maybe i won't be perfect, and she refused that idea. She took it too personal, i guess.*

*She's gonna be gone for the entire weekend, which means more time for me. I can finally talk to my friends again, explain everything and stuff. Plus, no school. Which means this journal might be done for. I won't throw it or anything, but i probably won't come back to it. So yeah.*

*OH OKAY. FINE. FORGET ABOUT ME. IS THAT ALL I AM, DISPOSABLE? WELL GUESS WHAT, I DON'T NEED **YOU**. YEAH. HAHA. I GOT THE LAST LAUGH, YOU BITCHES. YOU CAN REPLACE ME AL YOU WANT, BUT I STILL GOT THE LAST LAUGH. HAVE FUN WITH ALL THE SPAM! **HA. HA.***

*Well then. I guess i could always watch tv. I should really take a break from this journal, i don't feel too good... no, wait, i'll just make food. It'll take my mind off what just happened. ...aand i spilled some tuna oil on my shirt, great. Whatever, no big deal. Not like i always spill or anything. I should just relax and watch some tv, nothing could possibly ruin my weekend.*

hahahahahaha**HAHAHAHAHAHA***HAHAHAHAHAHAHA*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH'''''''''''***HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA'***HAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahHhahahAHahahahahahaha

hahahahaha*ahahahahahahhaa**hahahahhahAHAHAHAHAHA*****HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA**ha

**HAHAHAHAHHA*HAHAHAHHAHAHAHhahahHAHahHHAHAHhahaha****hbahahahhahahahhahahahHAHAHAHAHAHA*BAHAHAHAHA

I actually did it. *I DID IT.*But how could i **IT WAS TOO DAMN EASY.***I killed her... how*could **I.** *LOOK AROUND YOU, SHE ADMITTED SHE WISH SHE COULD*aborted **YOU. all because of SPILLED***tuna*. YOU CALL HER A GOOD MOTHER **SHE HATED YOU***YOU NEEDED THIS STOP!!!!!* GAHHHHHHHHHHHH! NO. THIS JOURNAL... I CAN'T. **SHE HAD IT COMING, JOE. YOU KNEW***IT*. ***YOU WERE CONTEMPLATING***iT. I can't...

**THERE IS NO HOPE.**

*THERE IS NO HOPE.*

***THERE IS NO HOPE.***

***There is hope.***

PLEASE STOP!!!! THIS ISN'T RIGHT! SHE DOESN'T DESERVE TO DIE! I WAS THE ONE HOLDING HER BACK ***STOP LYING*** I'M NOT!!!

***FACE THE FACTS JOE, YOU WOULD BE THE CRAZY ONE IF YOU COULDN'T SEE... THIS WAS INEVITABLE. SHE HAD THIS COMING, AND WE TOOK OVER. NOW YOU'RE FREE. Don't listen. Don't give up to hate.***I... i don't deserve to live anymore... ***CAN'T READ THE CROSSES, CAN YOU? FACE IT. You've lost. Nothing. We've consumed you. Accept your fate, begin a new.***

**Accept your fate, begin a new.**

*Accept your fate, begin a new.*

***ACCEPT YOUR FATE, BEGIN A NEW.***

You have truly fell. Nothing can save you now. ACCEPT YOUR FATE, BEGIN A NEW.

**There** is *no* hope.

### **Joe's Journal Vol. 2: Page #1**

*Some... maybe a lot would say that they regret what they did. They would beg for forgiveness, they would spend the rest of their lives traumatized, wishing they could just erase that part of their lives. Everything that i had done, what i did... i don't regret it. I could be a monster, a troubled man, but i know in my heart that i do not regret what happened on the night of May 17, 2015. I must warn you that if you do find this journal... my message to you, is:*

*I am a monster.*

*When i did it, when i killed my mother... i had a different feeling. My initial reaction was different. Not crazy, as some might suspect. I had told myself that this was wrong, that it wasn't right... but at the end of the day, i had realized that my initial reaction was a lie.*

*I had realized at that moment that nobody would oppose society's rules, that everyone would always come out with "This is wrong". I'm the only one who came out the other end and not regret any decision i've made. This is right. When i killed my mother, i felt this was right. And i tried to tell myself otherwise for an hour or so.*

*It was finally then and there, when my mom's friend, Jim Rose, found me crying. I knew one thing in that moment: I'm going to be imprisoned for life. I'm going to be marked as a criminal for the rest of my life. I was wrong. Jim was shocked, and he had asked me the question that would save my life, "Who did this?!".*

*Right then and there, i realized that i could still be saved. I told him to call the cops, as i hid the knife and journal. I made up some story about how a tall man broke in and killed her right in front of me. They bought it. And because of this, i was saved. Jim Rose, in honor of my mother, decided to adopt.*

*I spent the summer reminiscing, thinking about what i had done. Everyone had thought i had been traumatized for life, i took a couple of trips to Jim's therapist friend, Dr. Borges. She didn't do much, i had to make up fake stories about how i felt, and it was there when i realized how fake everything is.*

*After my slow realization, and just when i thought everyone was fake... when i realized my true feelings... i stopped reminiscing. I had to live with my actions for the rest of my life, and i don't have to spend everyday of that life wishing i could take it all back. I can just move on.*

*That next morning, i woke up happy again. I went downstairs, i brushed my teeth, i had a proper breakfast, and i told Jim "Good morning!". He was pleasantly surprised by my reaction, and he responded with "Good morning to you too!". We went out for a drive, he took me to go see a movie.*

*It was only when we got back when he finally asked "What's up?". He finally questioned me. I told him that i'm not prepared to live every day of my life in regret, to just keep moving forward. And he agreed, no surprise there. Although, when i had finally checked my internet again. And i did get addicted all night, and i had made my realization: In the "real world", no one is honest. We are bound to society's rules. But on the internet, we... we can embrace our darkness, and speak anonymously. I wasn't alone, and that made me happy.*

### **Joe's Journal Vol. 2: Page #2**

*And that marked the end of my summer. And i would lie if i didn't say i enjoyed it. I appreciated it for helping me realize the world's faults. But, as most things, there has to come the bad. School was about to start, and i knew that it would be bad like last year. I finally turned 16 over the summer, and i was horrified at what's to come.*

*I remember that day like it was yesterday. I remember the alarm that woke me up. Jim had drove me to school, and he said "Good luck". I walked out of the car and into the front doors, and all i could hear was noise. The majority of the students were in a group, just talking. Imagine my genuine surprise that, unlike last year, i wasn't alone.*

*There were more students just like me, who felt left out. And the major difference was, there was this guy. He wore glasses, he was around my height, and he had brown hair. He would just walk up to the others and start group conversations. I was surprised to see someone who actually cared, who wouldn't make fun of you.*

*The first three days weren't the best. I never made a lot of friends, and i avoided that person. But sadly, there came school. A lot of work, and they started off with Algebra right off the bat. I did pass, mainly because i didn't have much distractions and never had time for anything else.*

*The fourth day however, when i walked in, there was a slight delay. The teacher had been late, and once again, nobody would shut up. That person was there, but he was mostly studying. I stared at him the whole time, until he finally looked back. He started to put his books away and approached me.*

*He saw me and just said "Hey.". I said "Hi." back, and he had told me that his name is Wells Montgomery. We sparked a quick conversation about how we hated our teacher, Mrs. Valerie. I finally asked him what was up and what he was doing, and he said that he just wanted to help others. No one had helped him when he was younger.*

*Me and Wells got along very quickly, and his ideals were great. He was the first person i ever met who wasn't an actual bitch. When Mrs. Valerie finally came, we went into class and i took my usual seat. Wells however, he decided to sit next to me.*

*And for once, i was actually happy at school. I finally had a friend, even through all the hard work and bullying of the past year. And when things couldn't get any better, Mrs. Valerie decided not to give us any homework. When school had finally ended, i felt happier than usual. I had walked home happier than usual. It was a good day.*

*The next day, as i entered school again, someone had bumped into me. He had turned me and told me to "watch it". I apologized, but he continued to push me around. He had called me a "push over". I wanted to hit back, i really did, but i was afraid Wells might think different of me.*

*Luckily, however, Wells did come around and told him to back off. And i remember this being so... suspicious. He had whispered in his ear, and the look on Wells' face... he just looked blankly. He eventually walked away, as i approached Wells and asked him what was going on.*

*His name was Shawn, and he had been bullying Wells for a long time. Wells did apparently manage to get him off his back. He told me to forget about it, and he continued to ask me about my day. And we had a small chat before class began about a show which we personally enjoy, titled "MURDER".*

*When school had ended that day, i was about to leave when Wells tapped my shoulder. He had said that he wanted to show me around. I, of course, agreed. I had nothing better to do. He took me over to an apartment, in which his brother owned. He was on vacation supposedly.*

*We had sat down on the couch and discussed a few things. He asked me what i wanted to be when i grow up. I never quite knew what i wanted. He was quick to answer when i asked him, as he said he wanted to be a film writer. He said that the show we watched inspired him. And you know what, film writing also intrigues me.*

*He had shown me a few scripts that he had written, and they were quite good. They focused a lot on old mythology, which i thought was quite neat. I told him that they were very good, and he said that i was the only person he had shown. I responded with that maybe he should post it on the internet, get some attention. And he said it was a good idea.*

### **Joe's Journal Vol. 2: Page #3**

*The very next day, i had sent him a link on the internet to a website where you could share your own stories. And when the school day ended, i put aside my homework in which i don't usually do, and i went on the website. I saw that Wells posted his story, and immediately got viewers and fans. And i decided that maybe i should do the same.*

*The first thing that came to mind was perhaps posting an altered version of my first journal, and claim it was exaggerated. I went to my closet, and i got my journal, and i wrote most of it down. And within the hour, it got a lot of views and fans, just like Wells. He also read it and was shocked, and he loved it.*

*We had continued posting other works of fiction the following weeks, and we both gained a few fans. Hell, Wells was promoted to administrator in the first few months because of his hard work. And i was inspired by him to make good works, just like he does.*

*Sadly, however, shortly after he was promoted to administrator, he had to go on vacation. Wells never told me why, but he said it was an urgent family matter. And i was essentially alone without him. I had no other friends besides online, and i was really hoping on his advice.*

*The following weeks somehow got boring. And school work somehow got harder, and i realized that i was failing because i put more time to fiction than my homework. I had to work extra hard, and the sad thing was, the website was also becoming inactive without Wells.*

*However, something interesting had come up. My school had a very interesting class about religion. It was part of a new program, i didn't know what it was, really. The thing that surprised me was that Jim and my mother were catholics, and i never even knew.*

*As for me, for years, i had always told myself i was a muslim. I grew up with an all muslim family, being from Zarkovia, and i was told to have strict morals. Even when i said i was muslim, i never really prayed or followed any of their rules. Hell, i had even murdered my mother.*

*Jim had forced me upon this program, because he thought it would be good for me. I was sitting in a classroom with about 50 or more other students, younger and older than me. I had been sitting in the back of the room, hidden from the public, but one of the teachers called my name.*

*She has asked me about my religion, and i had never even thought about it in a long time. I stood there for a few seconds in silence, and told her i was a muslim. Deep down, however, i knew that was wrong. She told me to specify moreover, but i hesitated. She gave me a weird glare before asking someone else.*

*I had went on the website that night, and i talked to one of my friends. I told him about what happened that day, even if it was personal, and i told him that maybe i was an agnostic. I was too afraid to admit it because everyone around me was religious, whether it be my school, my family, or my friends.*

*I felt like i had to tell somebody, and when Jim came home that night, i sat down and had a talk with him. I begged him not to get angry, and he told me he wouldn't. We began with small talk, but i decided to cut right to the chase and told him that i was neither muslim nor catholic. I was an agnostic.*

*The look on his face... i'll never forget it. He seemed disappointed. As his voice cracked, the only thing he could muster up is "Okay... that's okay.". He got up, and told me to go to bed. The very next morning, he woke me up and told me to get ready for school. He never did this, and the worst part... his tone was very off.*

### **Joe's Journal Vol. 2: Page #4**

*For the rest of the week, Jim seemed very unusual. He seemed angry and disappointed that i never had any religion. While Jim was driving me to school, i asked him why he was so religious. He was originally hesitant... in fact, he seemed almost scared. But he was quick to say that his father said religion is the main thing that matters.*

*The only vibe i could get out of that is that maybe his dad beat religion into him. That's when i realized that i was lucky in that i could choose my own path. Even when my family was all religious, it was never forced on me. I was free to choose my own path. But Jim... he got the short end of the stick. Moral of the story is, decide your own path.*

*The very same day, however, i went back to school and saw Wells. He finally returned from his vacation, and said he needed to talk to me. I was incredibly curious, and it felt like school lasted forever. I had noticed that Shawn had been picking on other students. He had turned to me and said "What the fuck are you looking at?".*

*I realized how much i hated Shawn, and i never knew what his deal was. Then, when my classes started, Wells sat away from me. The clases felt longer than usual, as i anticipated what Wells wanted to talk to me about. Mrs. Valerie decided to give all of us extra algebra homework, but i never really cared.*

*As the classes finished, everyone had rushed out of the classroom. Wells was nowhere in sight, not even in the line. When everyone had finally got outside, Wells had tapped my shoulder and told me to follow him. He wouldn't tell me anything on the way, but we had ended up back in his brother's apartment.*

*Wells told me i was the only one he could trust. He told me that he's been going through a lot, and over the summer, he made some realizations. He finally got the courage to admit it himself the past weekend, as i asked him what was up. He said he didn't feel normal, that he had feelings for someone long gone.*

*I continued to ask him who this person was, and he said that he was taken... by Shawn. I responded with "he?". And he said that i heard correct. When i found out that Wells was gay... nothing really changed. At least, that was what i said to myself.*

*I asked him about Shawn, and what his deal was. Shawn's dad employs Wells' dad, and apparently he was a total asshole. And what's worse, Shawn has been dating Wells' crush. And his crush had soon moved away, as he was too late. Shawn knows his secret, though.*

*I reassured Wells, and i told him that everything will be okay. That he can trust me. But even though i reassured him a little bit supposedly, he said that he truly despises Shawn. He has never hated anyone, but it's been effecting him in his writing and his life. Wells truly did blame Shawn for everything.*

*It was right then and there when i realized what i had to do. I had to serve justice. I tried to avoid killing, but i truly wanted to make Wells happy. I knew that without society's rules, he would want this. I asked him what Shawn's last name was, in which he responded with "Nesmith". He asked why, but i avoided the question.*

*I told Wells to get some rest, and that we can continue to talk tomorrow. As soon as i left, i went straight home, and found Shawn on the internet. I found out that he was going to his friend's party through his social media account. I left my laptop open as i went into Jim's room, and grabbed his father's military grade bowie knife.*

*I grabbed my hooded jacket, and walked away from the room. And all i could hear is ringing in my ears. My heart pumping harder than ever, knowing what i had to do. As i got into the local bus, all i could do was sweat, knowing how guilty i was. But all i knew is that i had to do this.*

*As the bus dropped me off, i took a long walk to discover a row of mansion-like homes. The obvious one was one with a lot of drinking teens and music. I had walked inside the home, as the front door was open. There were many people, but i quickly spotted Shawn drinking by the pool.*

*Even though i could've had Shawn arrested for this, i knew that wouldn't be enough for Wells. I called Shawn inside the home, as he was struggling to walk. He was clearly drunk, which made for the perfect opportunity. I called his name, and he followed the trail through the bathroom.*

*His final words, "Joe? You're not supposed to be here!". I responded with "Neither are you.". He was struggling to stand, as i lunged at him and stabbed him in the neck. I could hear him choking, as i stabbed him in the chest over and over. He was struggling to talk, as he was gushing blood.*

*I told him, in his final breath, that this was "Justice.". I had quickly ran away, when blood was all over my hoodie. I took off my hoodie and threw it in a dumpster nearby as i ran away. I took a cab back home, and i rushed over to my sink and washed the blood away from my hands and knife.*

*I slowly opened the door to Jim's room, to find that he was sleeping. I had completely forgot he was coming home, and i knew that i was going to be interrogated in the morning. But i quickly put the bowie knife back in his closet, and went back to my room. Strangely enough, my laptop was off and put on my desk.*

### **Joe's Journal Vol. 2: Page #5**

*The very next morning, my phone had blew up. Wells had sent me a lot of messages. He had told me about Shawn's death, as i jumped out of bed. I had rushed to the bathroom, cleaning my face and brushing my teeth, and was quick to get dressed. Although, i skipped breakfast entirely... huge mistake.*

*As i walked out, i said goodbye to Jim, and strangely enough, he never responded. I had taken the bus over to his brother's apartment, and i found Wells... silently crying. I asked him what was wrong, and he sat there... silently. I think that maybe he did think this was justice... but never wanted to admit it.*

*I sat next to Wells, and told him everything's going to be alright. That maybe Shawn got what he deserved. And he said "Maybe...". And i remember this very fondly... there was a long pause, but he told me that Shawn's death didn't make him feel better.*

*But i remember telling him that it's going to be alright. And... he gave me the biggest hug he could. And at that moment, i realized... i loved Wells. No, not as a friend... i **loved** him.*

*I had to kill again, for him. And i knew that i couldn't find any other person like Wells, and i knew i had to tell him sometime. Wells was truly the only person who could brighten up my day, that help me realize my passion for writing... it was him that when i wake up in the morning, i feel happy. He overshadows any guilt i had.*

*I owed him something. And that something was the death of Shawn. I decided to cheer him up for the rest of the day, to play video games to take his mind off it. To help him write his new story he had in mind. Hell, i even cooked for him, and i don't usually cook.*

*I spent all day at his brother's apartment, and by the end of it all, he said "Thank you". But, never had to thank me. The following day, i had decided to spend my Sunday writing stories. I remember this moment too well, when my friend, just as he had finished writing his new story "Zenith", came on.*

*I felt like i had to tell someone my feelings for Wells, and i knew i could trust my friend. I told him i wanted to speak to him in private, and when he asked me what's going on... i told him how i felt. When i told him, he was quick to stop me.*

*He told me that everything was perfectly fine, that he probably feels the same way. He told me that we were perfect, and there was nothing wrong with how i felt. He told me a story of a woman he liked, but he hid that for over three years. When she finally moved, he regret not telling her anything. How i should say something before it's too late.*

*And that night, i started text messaging Wells. I couldn't go a day without thinking about him, and all night we talked about fanfiction he's making, titled "Mystery Island". We spent hours talking about it, and i felt satisfied that i got to speak to him again. As i told him "Good night!", i went to sleep happy for once.*

### **Joe's Journal Vol. 2: Page #6**

*I remember this morning. The last time i'll ever have a chance of a normal life. I had woken up at 11:00 AM, with no alarm. This was unusual because my alarm always goes off. And when i found out what the time was, i knew there was no point in going to school.*

*I had walked downstairs, trying to get breakfast. I turned to my right, and saw Jim on the couch, holding a picture of me, my mother, and Jim together. I remember asking him about what was going on, and he told me "I know what you did, Joe.".*

*I remember saying "What?! What are you talking about, Jim?". I was afraid for my life. He asked me why i killed my mother, why i killed Shawn. When he finally said this, something in me snapped. My fear went away, and was replaced with anger. I responded with "How did you know?".*

*He said he had felt heartbroken when i told him i wasn't religious. He told me that i wouldn't have thought of this on my own, that i could've gotten this from the internet. And the night i killed Shawn, he had came come to see that i wasn't there. He had went to my room, and saw my laptop opened.*

*He had checked the website i go to, he had found my first story. He had checked my history, and found Shawn. The next morning, when he had heard that Shawn was dead, he put the pieces together. I had killed my mother and Shawn.*

*But somehow, when he told me he knew. Nothing phased me. I didn't regret anything. All he did was ask me why. All i was thinking about is how i'm gonna kill him. I had ran behind, to the kitchen, and grabbed a knife. Jim came after me, but i had stabbed him in the arm. All i can remember from that moment was how much he was in pain.*

*Not from me stabbing him, but his heart break. When i realized this, i snapped back into reality. I truly did feel ashamed of what i've done. This wasn't justice. I ran away, away from everyone. I couldn't even build up the courage to call Wells.*

*I ran to the only place i could, the apartment. I ran into the bedroom, and to my surprise, i had found a journal on the floor. I remember how convenient this was, but i didn't care. I had spent a week of my time hiding, just writing everything you see.*

*I could be a monster for what i've done. I thought everything was justified. My mother was a monster, Shawn was... he was something else. I'm not even sure if he deserved death anymore. I did it for Wells, and i was happy. Everything has come to me, and i'm just not sure anymore...*

*...And then one day, i hear the doors open up. I heard the keys dangling, and the door opening. I was scared for my life, but the voice i heard... it was Wells. But i never wanted him to see me like this. Guilty. Ashamed. A monster.*

*Wells called for me, until he finally found me. I was looking down at my journal, and Wells... he had a look of confusion on his face. Like he never wanted to believe i was a monster. He asked me if everything he had heard was true, but i could never build up the courage to reply.*

*He stared at me, he truly felt a heart break, just like Jim. But, I wasn't gonna go down like this. I already went down once, but i wasn't gonna let Wells down. I told him to not talk, to only listen, and he agreed. I threw my journal away, and began talking.*

*I told him that i was sorry, and that yes, i had done terrible things. Everything i've done after my mother, i had done for Wells. I told him that he was more than a friend to me, someone special. I paused for a moment, before i just went ahead with it and told him that i liked him. That i **loved** him.*

*Wells was the only person who could ever make me happy. After what had happened to me in my youth, hell, my entire life, Wells was the brightest light. I never wanted to lose him, only to make him happy. Even if i had killed, even if i'm wanted by the Police, even if Jim is looking for me... i will never stop loving Wells.*

*Wells had stared at me, and somehow, i could hear his heart pumping. He much in shock he was. His mouth was open, just in complete shock. Until he finally stood up propery,*

*And...*

*He said that his true feelings towards me were--*