Johnson Hopper

"Like, what if lemons had ears?"

Sysco Dreamstake,

Scooby-Doo,

Hockey Beer,

Radamir "Rad" Poutine,

Dominic Gardetto,

Johann van Sebastian Holmes

Glasses

Scuzz McFuque

Coala G. B. Reef

**Johnson F. Hopper** is one half of the world saving, bubble gum chewing, ass kicking duo Dick and Johnson.

Johnson was born in the swamps of Louisiana and had a rough upbringing, having to fight off gators since birth. It wasn't until he was five years old that he met Dick Rider in kindergarten and the two became best friends for life and soon began their series of heroic adventures.

Johnson's mother, **Mary-Beth Lou Bojangles-Hopper**, gave birth to him inside a monkey cage, which she built herself, as it was her job building them (cages to hold actual monkeys that were then repurposed into the "monkey cages" carnival ride). Johnson was raised by his mother in a strict Christian household and has no knowledge of his father. Together with Dick, Johnson attended kindergarten, America High, and then Maybe Louisiana State, hoping to eventually transfer to Maybe Lou University, but, at that point, became too involved in regular missions from the government to continue his studies. Both him and Dick were however granted honorary degrees by the Chief. The whereabouts of Johnson's mother, as well as her current relationship to her son are unknown.

Shortly after meeting Dick in kindergarten, the two began getting involved in crime fighting and saving the world, though they also enjoyed playing pranks on others, sometimes leading to more severe consequences. It wasn't until their senior year in high school, however, that they were sent on their first official government mission by the Chief, together with their classmate Tallulah Mae. During his time in college, Johnson fell in love with Jenny Jehoshaphat, which led to a fallout with his best friend Dick, who had also fallen in love with her. The fight between the two ended when Jenny decided to move to Tahiti, so as to not endanger Dick and Johnson's friendship any further.

While Johnson is not Jewish, he did have a Bar Mitzvah because he felt jealous of his friends who celebrated theirs. Tim McGraw was invited to play music and also taught Dick and Johnson martial arts. In a genetic test, Johnson learned that he is a direct descendant of William Wallace.

Johnson is extremely well read, having read *The Lord of the Rings* trilogy at least sixteen times, even exhibiting the ability to read all three books simultaneously. He is also the author of his own book which is fictional, but mostly based on his own life. It is published exclusively through farmers' markets, yet quite popular. He owns a large library at home, though the books are kept in stacks on tables rather than in shelves. He has earned multiple medical degrees simply from reading theoretical texts, has shown advanced knowledge of technology, having built a Mr. Freeze type freeze ray, and of theoretical physics, specifically of parallel dimensions and planes of existence, and has expressed his interest in chemistry. Johnson is also a former tag team wrestling champion of Generation Flips. He retired early after his pinkie finger was ripped off. The finger regrew, but after his rehab time, he had become too old to continue wrestling. Johnson's other hobbies and interests include fishing, especially ice fishing (he is a master baiter), stock car racing, and watching movies. His favorite Power Ranger is the green ranger. Johnson is also an ordained minister — it is unknown of which church — and has married Britney Spears to his friend Ronald.