Fake TPOT 16: Stewards of the Scenery

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"**Stewards of the Scenery**" is the non-canon sixteenth episode of *TPOT* by Jacknjellify. It was released on 5 May 1978. This episode is only headcanon to me, that is, until the real TPOT 16 (or even TPOT 2) comes out. During the creation process, this episode was given this title at first, before being changed to "**The Scenery Stewards**" and then back to the original title.

Previous episode: "Oh, I Don't Know"

Next episode: "Block City Rockers"

## Pre-credits scene

### **Introduction**

**Scene**Fade in from black. Text with the words "Jacknjellify presents..." appears on the screen in English, French, Korean, Italian and Hebrew. A constructed flag appears as a backdrop to some very fanfare-like, patriotic song (which is totally *not* an upbeat version of "There Grew a Little Flower" from *Ruddigore*). Images of real-life golf balls appear with the flag in the background.

**Patriotic song: The National Anthem of the Reformed Golf Ball**

**Vocalist(s)**: Choir

**Choir**: ♫ Hark! 'Tis the humble song of the reformed Golf Ball,

Who has given to improve herself her very all.

From rustic circumstances, she had spent her brain's finances

Just to give herself enhances and make others fall.

*Ndiyo, hai!* Hip hurrye!

*Ndiyo, hai!* Hip hurrye! — she has changed her heart

When her tears fell from an orange's complaints so smart.

*Ndiyo, hai!* (*Sì, hai!*)

Hip hurrye! (Hip hurrye!)

Oh, my! (Oh, my!)

She did cry! (Did she cry!)

*Ndiyo, hai!* Hip hurrye! Golf Ball did well cry,

When her actions bit her captain's quarters by and by. ♫

[*The instrumental of this anthem plays in the background as Golf Ball steps in front of a podium, with the national seal of the United Goikyan States in the background.*]

* **Golf Ball**: Welcome everyone and welcome, everyone! Golf Ball is deciding to run for president. Who's with her?

[*It is revealed that this scene takes place in the AYO hotel room, as her audience are* **Pen***,* **Eraser***,* **Puffball***,* **Cloudy** *and* **TV***. They are sat on the beds and look bored.*]

* **Golf Ball**: I will appoint you all to my cabinet.
* **Eraser**: [*excitement*] Give me power!
* **Puffball**: Sounds like a prize to me.
* **T****V**: But GB, what exactly will be president *of?*
* **Golf Ball**: That is— that is *none of your*— [*realizing*] I mean... Golf Ball wanted to be president of the United Goikyan States, but it didn't work out.

[*She looks up and the sound of a bunch of people laughing is heard.*]

* **Golf Ball**: Nope, it did not work out at all! That is why she is instead running for President of *The Power of TwoOOOOOO**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!***

[*The intro plays.*]

## Pre–Cake at Stake

### **AYO's hotel room**

**Scene**Continuation of the last scene.
* **P****en**: The TPOT President, eh? Nice going, GB!
* **Puffball**: The world needs more peaceful transitions of power.
* **Eraser**: Guys, it's just like the transition to democracy taking place in Goikyan Spain right now. Saw it on TV.
* **T****V**: [*to the camera*] He's talking about me.
* **P****en**: Why, what's going on in Spain?
* **Eraser**: They don't show *The Object from Atlantis* to boost tourist revenue, Pen. /s
* **Golf Ball**: Look here! I have assigned all of you positions in Two's vanguard government!

[*She shows a paper with a list of government posts on it. Some of them have been given to her teammates; most of them go to Tennis Ball (as his asset appears several times on the paper.*]

* **P****en**: Awesome! I got Secretary of Writing and Dating Services.
* **Puffball**: Huh.
* **Golf Ball**: We have not used you as a taxi in years, Puffball, but you are now my Secretary of Musical Transportation.
* **Puffball**: How humbling.
* **Eraser**: So when can I be part of this?

[*Huc teleportat* **Two**.]

* **Two**: Not right now, 'cause it's time for Cake at Stake!

[*Everyone screams.*]

* **Golf Ball**: Two, I thought you promised not to teleport into the hotel rooms.
* **Two**: I said that?
* **Eraser**: Yeah, it was your New Year's resolution. Remember, dude?
* **Two**: Oh. Bye bye, then.

[*Hinc teleportat* **Two**.]

* **Two**: [*muffled from behind the door*] It's time for Cake at Stake, Naily! Eh? Eh? Eh?
* **N****a****ily**: We heard you the first time.
* **Two**: Then, as they say in Goikyan Japan, *ikimashō!*

### **Cake at Stake place**

**Scene**Everyone is gathered for Cake at Stake.
#### Cake at Stake I

* **Two**: Welcome to Cake at Stake #16! Plus or minus a few. Has anybody any questions?
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: I do!
* **Two**: That wasn't a question, Taggy.
* **Bo****ok**: Hate to say it, but Two's right. You have to phrase it like this: eh-*em*... "Do I?"
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Never mind.
* **Two**: Now, before I start, I know some of you may have questions about which team won last time.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: But that's what I—
* **Two**: These are some really deep questions that I'm sure are running through your minds.
* **Snowball**: You should be so lucky! Nothing runs through *my* mind!
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: I was just going to ask about the—
* **Two**: I have slept on it, just as I promised, and I am of the opinion that... *Just Not* win!

[*Naily pogs. Two shows everyone their team's clipboard from the last challenge, the one with the "scribbles" written by Rose Hipt.*]

* **Two**: Thirteen thousand million and two years of history expressed on this tiny sheet of paper. You've really outdone yourself, Just Notions.
* **P****i****n**: [*from the audience*] Aw. Congrats, though.
* **N****a****ily**: Yeah!
* **Nic****k****el**: We win!
* **C****a****ke**: Good job, y'all! [*looks up at the sky at the Fruituits' planet*]
* **Two**: Not only do you gain one of the lowest-voted members of Death PACT Again for your team, but you also get these!

[*Two shows the same kind of microscopes that The S! got last episode. The only difference is that they are rainbow-coloured.*]

* **Two**: Rainbow microscopes.
* **Bo****ok**: Represent!
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: That's great!
* **Two**: Oh. Wait. I've forgotten. These microscopes are actually going to Death PACT Again. Sorry.
* **C****a****ke**: Dang it!
* **Bo****ok**: Don't worry, Cake, we still get a person.
* **N****a****ily**: Good game, DPA.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: I do not need a microscope; I can just use my eyes. You can all have mine.
* **Two**: Correction, Remote: They can have yours *if* you are declared safe!
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: I did not think that through.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: So who amongst us, is declared safe?
* **Two**: Black Hole, you got the most votes, at [*number*]. You're safe!
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: That's, that's great.

[*Two throws a microscope in Black Hole's direction. He accidentally eats it.*]

* **Sound effect**: Chomp.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Oops.
* **Two**: Tree is also safe!

[*Two flings a microscope at Tree. It breaks on the ground.*]

* **T****r****e****e**: I'm a thrower, not a catcher.
* **Two**: Remote. Lightning. Fanny.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Oh, it's down to us now.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: That's because Two has listed our names.
* **Fan****ny**: I hate being called names!
* **Two**: In a traditional Cake at Stake ceremony, that would be the order in which I call your names, from most- to least-voted. But since we're doing things a little differently now, only one of you is safe, and that one is... Remote.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Celebration. [*catches the microscope*]
* **T****r****e****e**: Holy moly, we've lost two pledges.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Looks like this team is now made up of the original Death PACTers. It's an exciting line-up for sure, but, also, a shame to see you leave, guys.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: It's cool, I guess.
* **Fan****ny**: I hate this!
* **Two**: Come with me.

#### Cake at Stake II

[**Lightning** *and* **Fanny** *are now standing on the same platforms as in the last episode.*]

* **Two**: Lightning and Fanny, Just Not will either vote you onto their team, or to be eliminated.
* **C****a****ke**: It's an interesting choice. I'll say... Lightning. We have a lot in common, right?
* **Fan****ny**: I hate you.

[*Lightning's platform moves up.*]

* **N****a****ily**: I choose Lightning too! If he and Bomby met, that would be the coolest thing ev-ah!
* **Fan****ny**: I hate you.

[*Lightning's platform moves up again.*]

* **Nic****k****el**: Well, I just know Lightning will make us win! Also, we need more short guys here.
* **Fan****ny**: I hate you.

[*Lightning's platform moves up again.*]

* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Hmm... Book said our team needs to be more positive. I'm afraid that if we get Fanny, she'll just spread negative vibes all over the place.
* **Fan****ny**: I'm not a negativist; I'm a realist.
* **Two**: So whom do you pick, Taggy?
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Lightning. Sorry, Fanny, but you were my second choice!
* **Fan****ny**: I hate you!

[*Lightning's platform moves up again.*]

* **Bo****ok**: [*sigh*] Well, I don't want Fanny to say that she hates me. It's also a pity that no one has voted for her yet, so that's why I'm voting for Fanny.
* **Fan****ny**: Thanks for reminding me how unpopular I am.
* **Bo****ok**: No problem.
* **Fan****ny**: I hate you!

[*Fanny's platform moves up.*]

* **Two**: And it looks like Fanny is eliminated!
* **Fan****ny**: What, again?
* **Two**: What do you mean by *again*?
* **G****at****y**: Oh. While I was hosting, I accidentally eliminated Fanny, and then she came back five minutes later to tell everyone she hated them.
* **Two**: [*with arms akimbo*] Gaty, were you hosting under the influence of apple juice?
* **G****at****y**: If I say *yes*, will you admit to doing it too?
* **Two**: Oh. You're doing the mind games thing. [*Aside.*] Chiz. [*Aloud.*] Anyway, Fanny, you are eliminated! Any last words?
* **Fan****ny**: Actually, I have two sentences.
* **Two**: Huh, yeah? And what are they?

[*As Two says this, they use their powers to levitate Fanny, slowly sending her to the portal before the Filing Cabinet.*]

* **Fan****ny**: Snowball, you're a berk!
* **Snowball**: ***WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!***

[*Snowball claws at the air.*]

* **Baske****t****ball**: Easy, don't try to kill her!
* **E****g****gy**: Who knows what fate she'll suffer in the Filing Cabinet?
* **Snowball**: I'm not going to do *that!*
* **Lig****htni****ng**: You go, Fan!
* **Two**: And what's your second sentence?
* **Fan****ny**: Oh! [*noticing that she's inside*] I l... I l...
* **Two**: Better make it quick; you're getting close the room now!
* **Fan****ny**: [*agitated*] ***I like you, Lightning!***

[**Fanny** *disappears through the portal. Two seconds of silence as everyone's mouths are open (except Snowball, who looks enraged).*]

* **Lig****htni****ng**: So to clarify—
* **T****r****e****e**: What is there to clarify? She likes you!
* **Lig****htni****ng**: [*smiles a bit*] Yeah... yeah... yeah.

[*Lightning faints.*]

* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: So this is the new guy.

## Post–Cake at Stake

### **Filing Cabinet**

**Scene**Another scene from the eliminated's point of view. Darkness fades into light as Fanny goes through the same vent system as Balloony in episode 13. Fanny somehow floats in mid-air and looks as if she has been crying.
* **Fan****ny**: What the hell am I in here for?
* **Cabinet Voice**: Welcome to the Filing Cabinet. If you have just been eliminated, say *one*.
* **Fan****ny**: One!
* **C.V.**: Welcome, just-eliminated person, to your new home. In this corner of the world, we ask of you two things.
* **Fan****ny**: Huh, yeah? And what are they?
* **C.V.**: That you do not tell anyone on the outside about this place, even other contestants, *and*... [*Dramatic sting.*] to have fun!
* **Fan****ny**: Alright, whatever. Suppose it is my job to do that.

[*Fanny floats upwards, presumably to where her room is.*]

### **Outside the hotel**

**Scene**Post-Cake at Stake dispersion. With Just Not: Cake and Price Tag are trying to wake Lightning up. Price Tag is holding a folding fan and waving it at Lightning.
* **N****a****ily**: You know something?
* **Nic****k****el**: What's up?
* **N****a****ily**: Since we learned of its existence, everyone sent to the Filing Cabinet has been a girl. From Foldy to Fanny!
* **Bo****ok**: That is interesting, Naily.
* **Nic****k****el**: But how is that relevant?
* **N****a****ily**: I think I'm getting outnumbered here!
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Heh. Now you know how *I* feel.

[*Lightning wakes up.*]

* **Lig****htni****ng**: Eh... What's going on? Is Fanny okay?
* **Bo****ok**: She's fine, I presume.
* **C****a****ke**: She's just gone to the Filing Cabinet with all the other eliminateds.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: What? No! This can't happen! She's after saying that she *likes* me, and she's never liked a thing in her life!
* **Bo****ok**: Yeah... I don't imagine she uses that word often.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: I *have* to be with her, no matter what!

[*Lightning flies into the building. Before he passes the wall...*]

* **Bo****ok**: Wait, LN, don't think you should do that!
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Mm-mm.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Why shouldn't I?
* **Bo****ok**: Because the Filing Cabinet is a dangerous place.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Huh?
* **N****a****ily**: Not that you should be listening to the words of someone from *that team*—
* **E****g****gy**: Hey!
* **N****a****ily**: Nyeh-heh! [*to Lightning*] But you shouldn't go down that portal. In the words of Eggy, it's death!
* **Lig****htni****ng**: But aren't you curious, at least?
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Think we objects are curious people in general. *But* I'd rather stay in the game than accidentally eliminate myself.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: [*sigh*] Okay, fine.

[*The door to the Filing Cabinet and the front door of the hotel slam shut, making Lightning jump.*]

## Pre-contest

[*Two claps.*]

* **Two**: Clap, clap, challenge time!

[*Everyone groans.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Will our lives be put in danger, Two?
* **Two**: They shouldn't be today. That's because today's challenge involves saving the world around us.
* **T****r****e****e**: That's what I like to hear.
* **P****i****n**: But what do you mean, *saving the world around us*?
* **Two**: [*excited*] Do you all know what today is?
* **Baske****t****ball**: It's Monday.
* **Gra****ssy**: Grassy says it's always Monday!
* **Two**: No, it's Earth Day!
* **Baske****t****ball**: Birthday?
* **E****g****gy**: Oh my gosh, someone's a Pisces? I like them already.
* **Two**: No, not *birthday*, Earth Day! You know, the 24 hours we acknowledge our place as stewards of the planet? Come on, you lot should know this; it's the seventies.
* **Nic****k****el**: Oh, Earth Day!
* **C****a****ke**: Wait, I thought Earth Day was a month from now.
* **Bo****ok**: Cake's right. Earth Day is April 22nd, and today is March—
* **Two**: *I say today is Earth Day and anyone who disagrees with me is wrong!*
* **Eraser**: Bro, ever noticed how weird *Earth Day* sounds now that everyone's saying it?
* **Golf Ball**: This isn't fair! Holidays are not decided by visitors to an alien land, but by the people in the community!
* **Puffball**: [*Aside, to TV and Tennis Ball.*] Wow. Golf Ball really knows about group decision-making.
* **T****V**: I'm surprised her former self hasn't travelled in time to call her out yet.

[*Two claps again.*]

* **Two**: Okay, it's not Earth Day, but I still want the challenge to be environmentally friendly. Can you do that? Huh?

[*Everyone makes noises of agreement.*]

* **Two**: Thank you. As I was saying, for today's challenge, you and your teammates must find a spot near the back of the hotel and clean up its surroundings as well as possible.
* **N****a****ily**: Isn't that what we did in episode 10 with the cabin stuff?
* **Two**: Sure, but there's a catch: Instead of judging you by how *much* you cleaned, I'll judge you by how *far* you've cleaned.
* **Barf** **Bag**: That's still a bit vague.
* **Two**: Don't worry, I'll clarify! One thing we algebraliens know inherently is the exact midpoint between two or more points. I know the coordinates from which you'll do the cleaning process, so I'll take the time you spent in that particular area, get an average for each individual, and finally take the averages of everybody on your team and zoom out from the infinitesimal point that represents said average until I see something that is out of place, at which point your team is out. The winner is the team that has cleaned the furthest distance from this point. Understand?

[*Noises of pretending to understand.*]

* **Two**: And I think I've spoken too much. [*breathes out*] Your challenge begins now. Go!

## Contest

### **Back of the hotel**

**Scene**A rare look at the back of the hotel during the day and before the end credits: The dirt is more obvious to see when the sun is out.
#### Just Not

* **Just Not**: Eugh.
* **Nic****k****el**: I can see why I only go out here at night.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: This place is hideous!
* **N****a****ily**: Oh, it's not that bad.
* **C****a****ke**: Yeah, none of y'all know what it's like to live in a big city.
* **Bo****ok**: Do capital cities count? Anyway, I think it's time for us to do a little cleaning. There's six of us here, and...
* **Nic****k****el**: Wait, Book?
* **Bo****ok**: Yes?
* **Nic****k****el**: I only see five.

[*Enter* **Lightning**, *carrying six shovels.*]

* **C****a****ke**: Lightning!
* **N****a****ily**: What's up, LN?
* **Bo****ok**: Are you alright?
* **Lig****htni****ng**: I am fine. I've... I've just been thinking.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: [*Aside, to Cake.*] A blonde thinker. Now I think I've seen it all.
* **Bo****ok**: Is this about the whole Fanny situation?
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Aye, surely. But let's just forget about the whole thing now, okay, please? I've just spent the time realizing that the person who well fancied me for who I am, instead of using me as a dirt-stained plaything, is no longer allowed to see or compete with me... but it's fine, I'm fine. Let's just get digging, yeah?

[*Lightning hands out shovels to everyone on his team. He begins to dig, almost furiously.*]

* **N****a****ily**: If you're making a hole, I can fall down it with you!
* **Bo****ok**: Wait, Naily, I think we should make our own holes and clear the area around them.
* **C****a****ke**: Yeah.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Good thinking. Hexagon powers, activate!

[*They all step away from the centre and start digging from there.*]

#### Are You Okay

[**Golf Ball** *has led the rest of her team to the area behind the cabins, which the contestants used to live in until TPOT 8.* **Cold Woe Bunch** *are in the background, picking up debris.*]

* **Golf Ball**: Are You Okay!
* **Rest of her team**: Yeah!
* **Golf Ball**: Yes! We are all okay here in the United States of Golf Ball!
* **Cloudy**: Okay, Golf Ball, why are we near the old cabins?
* **Golf Ball**: It was the average location all of us wanted.
* **Cloudy**: I could collect how many times I've been out here lately in the form of fingers.
* **Eraser**: But you don't have fingers.
* **Cloudy**: Exactly.
* **Eraser**: And it's so lonely here. Don't think there's anyone around.
* **Co****i****ny**: *Oh my gosh, we're out here too!*
* **P****i****n**: *Hello to all of Are You Okay!*
* **P****en**: Hiya, team***8s!***
* **Eraser**: That's not their name, dude.
* **P****en**: What? Since when?
* **Eraser**: Episode 11.
* **Golf Ball**: Anyway, let's start picking things up and putting them elsewhere.
* **Puffball**: But where? There's not a rubbish bin in sight.
* **Golf Ball**: Then we... make one!

[*Golf Ball shows her team her new invention. It's just a trash can.*]

* **P****en**: Is that a trash can?
* **Eraser**: No, Pen, it's a space station. /s
* **P****en**: Haha, good one!
* **Golf Ball**: Yes, it is just a trash can. I mean, it *was* a trash can before I turned it into the Supercollector!
* **P****en**: I think that's really smart.
* **Cloudy**: Supercollector? Great, now I've got competition!
* **Golf Ball**: When I press this here button... [*She shows her team a red button.*] everything I have classified as trash within a certain radius will fly in this direction and cling to the inside of the bin.
* **Puffball**: Whoa.
* **T****V**: Coolio.
* **Cloudy**: How far will it reach?
* **Golf Ball**: Hmm. The smallest setting is one nanometre; the largest is the entire universe. It would be best to set it at a radius of one to two metres, because no one seems to be around—
* **Co****i****ny**: *No, that's not true!*
* **Yellow Face**: *M'yeah, we're still here!*
* **Golf Ball**: And I press the button... [*presses the button*] And I oop!

[*Nothing happens, but the button beeps quietly.*]

* **Golf Ball**: It takes a while to load. Let's all back away slowly before it really gets going!

[*Distant view of the cabins.*]

* **Eraser**: GB, don't tell me you've classified people as trash, eh?
* **Golf Ball**: Of course not! The consensus is that animate objects are not trash!
* **Puffball**: Yee-hee-hee!
* **T****V**: Loving this GB 2.0!
* **Eraser**: 10/10, would influence again.

#### The S! and The Strongest Team on Earth

[*The S! start their cleaning next to the holes created by Just Not. The Strongest Team on Earth are in the background.* **Clock** *is wearing a hard hat.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: Alright, team, we have made our circle.
* **S****aw**: It looks so orbicul***8!***
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Yes, well, that's what a circle is.
* **G****at****y**: Clock, why've you got that on?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Um, I need these hands to show the time.
* **G****at****y**: I was obviously talking about the giant hat you have on.
* **S****aw**: It's so bright.
* **Winner**: Myeh, he is bright.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Oh. I use it to carry my tape measure. If I put that thing on top of my head *en l'état*, it falls off and I look utterly stupid.
* **G****at****y**: [*Aside, to Saw.*] As if he didn't—
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Hey! I'm standing 1.8 metres away and I can still hear you!

[*Winner laughs quietly. Enter* **Eggy**.]

* **E****g****gy**: Oh, Clock, this is an awkward time.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Why, what is it?
* **E****g****gy**: See, you're kind of standing in *our* circle.

[*She indicates her team's circle, which* **Tennis Ball** *and* **Grassy** *are standing in the middle of.*]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Hi!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Well, there are no rules about overlapping circles.

[*Huc teleportat* **Two**.]

* **Two**: That's where you're wrong, Clock!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: How so?
* **Two**: Check the official contest rules!

[*Two magics a rulebook, which appears out of nowhere to the sound of bells. They share its contents with Clock, who has a look with a great deal of excitement.*]

* **Two**: Under "Distance Contests": "Contestants and/or teams may form overlapping circles with one another."
* **C****l****o****c****k**: No way, is that the new *TPOT Game Rules*?
* **Two**: Updated *and* with the latest supplements.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Can I have it?
* **Two**: What do you think?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Can. I. Have. It. Now.
* **Two**: [*mocking*] You. Sure. Can. Ha, ha!

[*Hinc teleportat* **Two**.]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: Grrrr, I so wanted to read that.
* **Winner**: [*Aside.*] He can be such a fanboy at times. It's so dorky.
* **Need****le**: It's adorable.
* **[** **Need****le** · **Winner** **]**: It's adorkable!
* **Need****le**: Ah, we agree on something!

### **By the old cabins**

**Scene**Two appears in inset circle as Golf Ball's button continues to beep.
* **Two**: Halfway there, people! Let's see those areas sanitized.

#### Are You Okay and Death PACT Again

* **T****V**: [*replaying footage of the Beep members saying "Beep"*] Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!
* **Eraser**: TV, do you have to make those loud noises?
* **T****V**: I just wanted you to know that GB's button was beeping.
* **Puffball**: Yeah, we've kind of got that already.
* **Golf Ball**: If TV doesn't mind, I'd like to do some beeping too. Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!
* **Eraser**: Okay, this is so... beep.

[*While* **Are You Okay** *back away, they bump into* **Tree** *and* **Remote** *from Death PACT Again doing the same thing, just in the opposite direction.*]

* **Golf Ball**: Let's pay attention to the other team, people!
* **T****r****e****e**: Are You Okay.
* **[** **Most of the team** · **P****en** **]**: **[** Yeah. · Hi, Tree! **]**
* **T****V**: Remote.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: TV.
* **T****r****e****e**: What are you doing back here?
* **P****en**: Oh, we're just going in reverse before GB's thingy sucks up all the trash.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: What a coincidence. That's what we're doing, but with Black Hole. [*Remote points at Black Hole in the background.*]
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Hello.
* **T****r****e****e**: He's very good at helping.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Because of his gift of self-control, he can suck up anything that's not people.
* **T****r****e****e**: It's too bad we can't go back any further 'cause this is in the way.

[*Eraser turns around.*]

* **Eraser**: Hot damn. It's our old cabin.
* **T****r****e****e**: Huh?
* **P****en**: What's it doing outside?
* **T****V**: Oh. About that...
* **Puffball**: TV made a duplicate of our cabin in episode 10 so it could be sent to our hotel room.
* **T****V**: This is the old one.
* **T****r****e****e**: Gross, it's all so faded and stuff.
* **Eraser**: My cheese puffs! [*points at his bowl of cheese puffs that he has left outside, which have turned slightly grey (unless they were grey from the lack of saturation in the whole scene)*]
* **Golf Ball**: Eraser, those are two years old!
* **Eraser**: So?

[*He takes a bite out of one of them.*]

* **Eraser**: Yep, they're 5% staler. And that's just the smell.
* **Golf Ball**: Huh?
* **P****en**: When it comes to judging food quality, Eraser's got quite the what's-it-called.
* **T****V**: A nose?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Ick.
* **T****r****e****e**: Don't worry, this stuff is all somewhat secure. Black Hole's not going to suck anything where we're standing.
* **Golf Ball**: Same thing with our Supercollector.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: *Tree, Remote, I'm doing the thing now.*
* **Golf Ball**: And so is the Super—

[*Far view of the cabins as the Supercollector collects all the rubbish in the area while Black Hole does the same in the middle of the field.*]

* **Golf Ball**: Wow!

[*A bright flash can be seen, one of cleanliness.*]

* **Eraser**: My eyes!
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: I think this is enough cleaning for now.
* **T****r****e****e**: Black Hole, you can stop.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Black Hole. Black Hole. Oh darn. Black holes aren't—
* **T****r****e****e**: Yes, yes, I know.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: [*sucking up everything in his path*] Oh. They probably want me to stop.
* **T****r****e****e**: BH, please!
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: [*nemini loquitur*] I got this. S. T. O. Oh. ***P.***

[*Black Hole immediately stops sucking everything up. Are You Okay go to the other side of the field.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: That, felt good.
* **T****r****e****e**: *Stoop*? What does that mean?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: I meant *stop*. The second *O*, was ejaculatory.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Interesting.
* **Two**: *Aaaaand*, time's up!

## Post-contest

### **Back of the hotel**

**Scene**Everyone meets at the back of the hotel. Most of the area (*i.e*, only the parts where some teams have formed their circles) has been tidied up, although outside the circles everything is as dirty as it was before.
* **Two**: It's time to see who has cleaned the widest area!
* **Yellow Face**: ***YAY!***
* **E****g****gy**: [*who is standing right next to him*] Ow.
* **Two**: Now, before I start, did anyone learn anything from today's task?
* **P****i****n**: I sure learned something today. I learned that so much of what we throw away ends up on our soil, harming any future people that might walk upon it. I learned that as objects, we need to be mindful and start taking care of the planet we live on. I learned that I have found my true calling: to be an environment girl.
* **E****g****gy**: Geez, what a tree-hugger.
* **T****r****e****e**: What did you just call her?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Well said, Pin! That was very poetic.
* **P****i****n**: Hey, Coiny said the same thing!
* **Co****i****ny**: You know it!
* **Donut**: Yeah, I thought the same thing, just without the preachiness.
* **Two**: And now that's out of the way, where are Just Not?
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: [*from underground*] Over here!
* **Two**: Taggy *et al.*, what are you doing underground?
* **N****a****ily**: There's so much dirt in the dirt!
* **Bo****ok**: It's kind of hard to tell where the soil begins and the trash ends.
* **Two**: No matter. Up you go now!

[*Just Not get out of their holes.*]

* **Two**: TV?

[*TV shows a map with six points on it: a centrepoint for each team. Some people go "ooh" in the background.*]

* **Two**: And now, let's zoom out.
* **Bo****ok**: This is so exciting!

[*Two begins to analyse each centrepoint as a wave of light emits from each point, going out in all directions. The point becomes a small circle, which gets bigger and bigger—the zooming out process has begun! Dramatic music.*]

* **N****a****ily**: I can't wait to see which team gets out first!

[*Bzzt!*]

* **Two**: Just Not and Cold Woe Bunch are out!
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Huh?
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Seriously?
* **Co****i****ny**: At the same time?
* **Barf** **Bag**: Interestingly, both our teams won last episode. And now we've lost.
* **Two**: I see no doubt that you have done an okay job in cleaning up your areas. And while your previous statement is true, you have left one part of the area with a piece of rubbish on it: the crucial midpoint.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: How are we supposed to know that?
* **Donut**: Yeah, not everyone's a gyroscope!
* **Two**: Five words: A E I O U.
* **Yellow Face**: Mm, and sometimes *Y*!

[*Bzzt!*]

* **Two**: And Are You Okay are out!
* **Golf Ball**: What? But my Supercollector!
* **Two**: I'm sorry, but I have rubbish bins classified as trash.
* **Golf Ball**: But the consensus is that it's not trash! Right, team?
* **Puffball**: Sure!
* **Cloudy**: It is what it is.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Then if Two considers GB's Supercollector to be trash, that would mean our Supercollector—

[*Bzzt!*]

* **Two**: The Strongest Team on Earth are out!
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: We could have moved that.
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: We cleaned up the entire area *except* the trash can.
* **Need****le**: That was dumb.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Wait, if the rubbish bin counts as trash, and we were cleaning around it, then—

[*Bzzt!*]

* **Two**: The S!, you're out too!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Damn it!
* **G****at****y**: Whoops.
* **S****aw**: That ***8*** our problem!
* **Winner**: Oh no, TSTOE, now your team will be involuntarily placed on our Axis of Evil! I don't want to hate you, Needle.
* **Need****le**: Me neither!
* **Baske****t****ball**: Oh, it's fine. We've already been called "least favoured team" by Just Not, but they got last place! [*to Naily*] Ha!

[*Bzzt!*]

* **Two**: And that means Death PACT Again, your team wins!
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Ooh, thank goodness. I feel like I carried you all.
* **T****r****e****e**: Hey, when you're on a team of three...
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: It's company.
* **Baske****t****ball**: Why do I feel like knocking on someone's door?
* **Two**: Death PACT Again, as a reward, you get *one* of the *two* lowest-voted people on the losing teams!
* **Nic****k****el**: Teams?
* **C****a****ke**: Plural?
* **Lig****htni****ng**: So to clarify, both our teams—Just Not and Cold Woe Bunch—are to be up for elimination?
* **Two**: That's right! For the first time in TPOT history, there will not be *one* team up for elimination, but two! Isn't that exciting?
* **Donut**: Well, no, not for us.
* **Two**: It is to me! After all, I get to say my name again. Ta-ta from Two!

### **Voting screen**

**Scene**Two stands against a backdrop: Instead of the usual "contestants on a bedsheet" layout, it's a very detailed, colourful drawing of the members of Cold Woe Bunch and Just Not running towards one another, as if to fight. Their names and letters to be typed appear above them.
* **Two**: Vote in the comments using the letter and square brackets for who you don't want to be eliminated! Vote for who you want to stay! One of the two people with the fewest votes will leave the team and the other will leave the show! Now I'd better get out of here before these people start charging at me.
* **Co****i****ny**: [*in the picture*] Two, we're a drawing.

[*Exit* **Two**. *Roll credits.*]

## Post-credits scenes

### **Between the hotel and the cabin area**

**Scene**Night. Two has gathered the contestants outside.
* **Two**: Hey, everyone! Watch this!

[*Two uses their powers to transport the things from the old cabins (really just Are You Okay's extra room and The Strongest Team on Earth's years-old leftovers in episode 10) to the current hotel rooms.*]

* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: Wow! Our room is full of trash!
* **E****g****gy**: And now there's going to be even more of it!
* **Lig****htni****ng**: You're talking about Snowball, aren't you?
* **E****g****gy**: Someone gets it.
* **Eraser**: How's nobody ever thought of that before? This stuff was out here for years.
* **P****en**: Yeah, we could really use the extra room. Death PACT Again can't live in that blank void forever; I won't let 'em.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Why not? It really suits me.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Sure, Black Hole. That room and the Triangulum Galaxy. /s
* **Golf Ball**: If Death PACT Again will be staying in our room, then I will have no choice but to put more government departments up for adoption.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: I can live with less stress as a politician.
* **P****en**: We're going to be roommates, buddy! [*hugs Tree*]
* **Golf Ball**: Don't have too much fun, boys! [*Aside, Tennis Ball.*] Ha, ha, I called them *boys* because they are much younger than I am. And that's okay. It's okay to be young!
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Yep, that it is.

[*Meanwhile.* **Lightning** *is sitting by himself. He is smiling a tiny bit. Enter* **Naily**, **Cake**, **Nickel** *and* **Price Tag**.]

* **N****a****ily**: Hi, Lightning.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Hey, guys.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Are you still upset about the whole Fanny thing?
* **Lig****htni****ng**: No. I mean, she's here with us, just not *here*, don't you know?
* **Nic****k****el**: I know that feeling very well.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: And besides, a day of digging can really bring a guy's feelings out.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Oh. Not literally, right? 'Cause that would be weird.
* **N****a****ily**: Anyway, me and the rest of the team were going to our hotel room and try out Remote's rainbow microscope.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Yep, and then we're going to do some icebreakers.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: [*excited*] We're going to break ice?
* **N****a****ily**: No. [*thinks*] Yeah, no.
* **C****a****ke**: We've got board games, and board games, and board games... There's not really much we brought because it's a hotel, but you're going to like it. I promise.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Yay!
* **Nic****k****el**: Aw, he's happy again!
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Come on, everybody, let's go!

[**Lightning** *puts his arms around his teammates and they all go inside the hotel.*]

### **Fanny's hotel room**

**Scene**Zoom out, revealing some text that looks like footage from a surveillance camera. It turns out that this is being watched by **Fanny**, who is sitting on her bed in a live-action hotel room. She is eating pretzels, her favourite snack.
* **Fan****ny**: At least he's happy.

### **EXIT**

**Scene**Zoom out again to the EXIT scene.
* **Ma****tch**: Omg, Fanny got, like, eliminated, everyone.
* **P****e****nci****l**: I bet she hates it.
* **Li****y**: Did you hear what she said about Lightning?
* **St****a****py**: What, that she loved him?
* **Li****y**: I thought it was a very convincing statement. I would hate to be eliminated and sent away from the one that I love.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Liy, be quiet!

[*Pencil throws a pen at her. Liy throws it back and it hits her off-screen.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Ow!
* **Li****y**: Thought you liked having a pen on you like that.
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*blushing*] Oi, stop that!
* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: Lucky for you, Switcheroo. We're far away from loved ones, hated ones, everyone!
* **Li****y**: Thanks for making me think of that, Firey Jr. I'm not going to slap you 'cause I'm nice.
* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: No, you're not going to slap me because I'm a child.

[*Beat.*]

* **St****a****py**: *Anyway*, Liy, weren't you going to climb up the vents? What's the delay?
* **Li****y**: Something came to my mind.
* **St****a****py**: What?
* **Li****y**: It seems that the more we look at this TPOT stuff, the more futuristic things seem out there.
* **Ma****tch**: Yeah, like, what's *disco*, and since when was going *green*, like, such a big deal?
* **Li****y**: See, questions like these are why I've stopped my vent-climbing adventure.
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*pointing at the piece of paper on Liy's desk*] To take notes?
* **Li****y**: No, to do Goikyan Swedish taxes. /s Of course to take notes! I want to know what the culture of 1978 is all about. What do I do if I break out of here, end up there and look completely out of place? What if I get outed as a former murderer? Whose style should I try to copy?
* **Ma****tch**: You're seriously asking for, like, beauty tips?
* **St****a****py**: I liked it when you were half-human, Liy. You were *hot*.

[*Liy slaps Stapy and he is slammed against the wall.*]

* **St****a****py**: Uh!
* **8****-****Ball**: I don't think you should be talking about breaking out now. Especially with... you know...

[*Four knocks can be heard on the door.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Turn it off, turn it off!
* **Bracel****ety**: Okay-dokay!

[*Bracelety turns off the television.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Blood-stained heck!
* **St****a****py**: I'll get it.

[*Stapy hops over and opens the door, but all that can be seen is a blank white nothing that fills up the screen. "To be continued."*]

**THE END**
## Deleted scenes

* During Cake at Stake, Coiny was going to complain about getting second place because he wanted Nickel on his team. This was dropped at once because Just Not did not lose; Nickel's team is *gaining* a new player.
* Fanny's last words, before being eliminated, were originally going to be a piece of spoken-word poetry. She would have said this, referring to the quickly rising genre of hip-hop.

**Fan****ny**: No one put a disco beat behind what I'm saying!

* I was going to have another Basketball–Naily conflict during the cleaning challenge. This was scrapped because Naily was digging for almost all of the contest.
* Another line:

**T****V**: Well, actually, the average location was above the ocean. [*Beat.*] Puffball.
**Puffball**: Someone else said we should go to the Puffball Museum, 2,763 kilometres away.
**T****V**: Mm-hmm.
**Golf Ball**: The average location most of us wanted, then.

* The Filing Cabinet scene was originally going to be longer and it would have extended to the post-credits scenes.
* There's an alternate ending. I thought it was a bit too dark (and it didn't explain why there are two duplicates of the Are You Okay room on the same floor in future episodes), so I replaced it.

[*Scene: Front of the hotel.* **Two** *is sitting on a throne before going to bed.* **The Strongest Team on Earth** *(without Snowball) approach them.*]
**E****g****gy**: Hey, Two.
**Two**: What goes on?
**E****g****gy**: How come our challenge was so short today?
**Baske****t****ball**: Yeah, we barely had time to plan things out.
**Gra****ssy**: It was like... [*snaps his fingers*] that!
**Two**: Oh. Want to know a secret?
**Need****le**: Not particularly.
**Two**: Well, I'm going to tell you anyway. [*Everyone leans in.*] I... was forced to make this challenge.
**Baske****t****ball**: What?
**Two**: By my bosses! That's the Committee of Competition Show Ethics for Righteous Play or Annoying, or COCSEFRPOA [*pronounced "coxa-ferpo"*]. They made me do at least one challenge related to environmentalism, said it makes them more money.
**T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: I don't know what's more disturbing: That Two has higher-ups about whom we weren't told, or that they don't care about saving the planet as much as they want a quick buck.
**Two**: They who, Tennis Ball?
**T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: COSEFRPOA.
**Two**: Them *and* me! I didn't care about saving no planet either.
**Baske****t****ball**: How could you say that?
**Two**: The Equation Playground is my planet. Yours is this burning rock.
**Gra****ssy**: Was that a slight?
**Robot** **Fl****ower**: I think it was!
**Need****le**: So does this mean you don't want to go green?
**Two**: What?
**T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: "Going green" means living an Earth-conscious lifestyle.
**Two**: In that case, I care very much! Yay, hug a tree, save the planet, save objects, cheddary, cheddary, cha!
**Baske****t****ball**: Okay, good night, Two.

## Notes

1. ↑ I wish I could express that better. It's kind of like that "Find My iPhone" function.

**Fake TPOT** [V]