SunDANce/Transcript

The following is the transcript for the Dumb Teacher Season 5 episode, *SunDANce.*

## The Film Festival

*(The episode opens without the original Dumb Teacher intro. The episode begins on a black background, where the Dumb Teacher logo with the word, "presents..." in the Roxborough CF font appears for five seconds, then fades out. The text, "an Icewich Productions production" in the same font as "presents..." appears on screen and stays there for four seconds before fading out again. The text, "SunDANce" with 'DAN' in dodger blue appears and stays on screen for six seconds. The scene then cuts to a slow-mo panorama of Dan falling from an airplane and onto a city with the Sentan flag being shown on a pole. "O Fortuna" by Carl Orff plays, the song plays for 25 seconds. Five seconds to the end, Dan falls closer to the ground, the scene cutting to a black screen when he is close to the ground. After a 3-second shot of a black background, the text, "2½ months ago..." fades in on screen as park ambience plays, then, after 4 seconds, the camera cuts to the Greenhill Park, where Dan is seen taking a stroll around the park as he starts humming. 5 seconds into his walk, he stops humming as he stops in front of an ice cream cart.)*

* **Dan**: One rocket pop, please.
* **Cart Runner**: *(in Spanish; subtitled)* That's a good choice, and a good popsicle. 3 dollars please. *(Dan hands him a $5 bill)*
* **Dan**: *(in Spanish; subtitled)* Keep the change as a tip, mister.
* **Cart Runner**: *(in Spanish; subtitled)* Thanks.

*(Dan continues his stroll as he licks his rocket pop. His stroll continues for 5 more seconds until he stops at a lamppost, where a guy is seen taping up a poster. As he walks away, the poster is revealed to be advertising the 2009 Greenhill Film Festival. Dan stands still as he watches in awe while his rocket pop slowly melts. Dan remains still for 7 seconds still in awe until a rock is thrown at him. McNeese is seen driving in his car sticking out the middle finger)*

* **McNeese**: Screw you, white n\*gger! O-R-I-O-N!

*(Dan rubs his head as he stares at McNeese's car for a brief moment, then tears off the poster from the lamppost and runs back home excitedly. Dan arrives home, and meets his mother in the kitchen)*

* **Dan**: Mom! Did you hear? *(Shows poster to Cheryl)* The annual film festival is coming to town, and I think I'm gonna participate!
* **Cheryl**: Oh, that's awesome!! What film are you going to make?
* **Dan**: I'm not sure, but it's gonna be great!
* **Cheryl**: I hope so. You're a smart kid, Danny-kins, I'm sure you'll know what to do.
* **Dan**: Yup. I'm gonna head upstairs to my room to think of some ideas. I'll let you know when I've thought of something.
* **Cheryl**: Have fun!

*(Johnny walks in the kitchen carrying a coffee mug saying, "World's Most Carefree Dad" and a newspaper with an article called, "Greenhill's Eight Annual Film Fest Comes To Town!" He sits down and starts reading the newspaper)*

* **Johnny**: Huh, this says here the town's annual film festival is coming to town.
* **Cheryl**: I know, Dan told me all about it, and he's gonna participate. Isn't that sweet?
* **Johnny**: *(takes a sip of coffee out of his mug)* Yup. *(turns page on newspaper)* Wow. Says here that Marmite's finally being sold in the US. Guess we have a piece of Britain now.

*(Scene cuts to Dan's room, where he is sitting at his desk with his laptop on. It is on a document editing program. Dan is seen trying to think of some ideas for his movie)*

* **Dan**: Alright. What would be a good idea for an independent movie? Hmm... *(looks around in his room for 3 seconds until he stops at a poster. The camera then cuts to the poster, which is revealed to be the movie poster of Kayos' Final Bang)* Oh! I could make remake of that movie and... No. *(camera cuts back to Dan's desk)* That would be too expensive, and I'd miss the film festival when it's finished. C'mon, room, give me some ideas for Vlokozu's sake! Hmm... *(Camera cuts to Dan's shelf, which has a row full of Bionicle Toa action figures)* A-ha! A Bionicle fan film. *(starts typing)* That's a great film series from a great franchise. *(Dan immediately stops typing)* No, wait. *(starts backspacing everything he typed)* Possible lawsuits from ETVK. *(Dan looks at his Michael Vlokozu poster)* A-ha! Now I have an idea for a movie! A Michael Vlokozu bio- No... Too many have already been done. *(Dan looks at another poster, this time of Ralander author, C.H. Perrison)* Wait a minute, that’s it! A movie based on Perrison’s Kind & Curious Wolf! That’s a classic in Ralander childre… No, just remembered all the other thousands of adaptations. How can a Ralander equivalent to The Hobbit be adapted so many times? *(Dan facepalms his forehead as he sighs)* I have nothing to think about for my movie at all. *(turns off computer)* Maybe I just need to take a break. *(Dan walks to his blue beanbag and sits on it)* Maybe a little TV oughta give me some ideas. *(Dan grabs a TV remote and turns on his Theorytronic TV set)*
* **Announcer**: Coming up next, the Oscar-winning tele-documentary by Steven Phillips, Steven: My Sentaneseophilic Life.
* **Dan**: Hm. Sounds interesting.

*(The scene cuts to Steven walking with his arms behind his back)*

* **Steven**: Hello. My name is Steven Phillips. I've always had an interest in the country of Sentan since I was 5-years old. As a kid, when I learned about Gábor Horváth back when he was considered a good guy, I wanted to be just like him when I got older. Well, that was, until the Battle of Fusa happened. Now, people are alright with my Sentaneseophilia, but sometimes, there are people that disapprove of it. One time, as a kid, my parents, coincidentally pit stopped at a McDonald's in Harrison, Arkansas on our cross-country road-trip to Quebec, and while I was waiting outside for my parents to finish our order, some of the local kids saw my Sentanese flag hat, and they, unsurprisingly, since they're from Harrison, began bullying me! Though the following will be a dramatization, please expect some intentional Sentanese racism.

*(Scene on TV cuts to a dramatization footage with the text, "DRAMATIZATION" in bold Arial down below. Three child actors are playing as bullies, while another actor plays a young Steven wearing a hat with the Sentan flag on it. They are beating him up)*

* **Bully #1**: Why you worshiping Senders, Send-lover? *(he kicks him)*
* **Young Steven**: Hey, that's racist! You don't call Sentanese people Send- *(Bully #2 punches him)*
* **Bully #2**: Don't you know regular Senders are even worse then Sentoons? Hell, I bet you worship that Sentoon, Bruce. He's better off in a minstrel show that in Sender Country!
* **Young Steven**: Leave me alone, and stop mocking Alan Bruce! Just because he's an African-Sentanese actor, doesn't mean you can call him racist names!
* **Bully #3**: Don't you know Anti-Racism is a code for Anti-White? If not, this'll *remind* you! *(punches Steven in the balls, then snatches his hat)*
* **Bully #1**: Want your fuckin' hat back? Come and get it! *(runs away with the other bullies)*

*(Scene cuts back to Steven)*

* **Steven**: Ouch! That must've been painful being nut-struck by a couple of racist kids from a racist town, but, that's Harrison, Arkansas, for ya. Anyways...

*(Steven keeps talking as the camera is seen zooming into Dan's face as he watches in awe and inspiration for 9 seconds, Steven's voice is muffled.)*

* **Dan**: That's it! I know what film to make now! I better tell Mom. *(Dan goes downstairs as a montage begins with Dan working on his film, writing the script, recording the movie, editing it, and producing it. He is seen drinking cans of iced coffee in some of the scenes. The montage lasts for 15 seconds)*

*(The scene then cuts to the front of Dan's house. The text, "3 weeks later..." appears below the screen. After 3 seconds, the camera cuts to Dan looking at his laptop as it has a shine effect on it)*

* **Dan**: My god...After three weeks of production and several cans of iced coffee. My film...Is finished and ready for the festival next weekend!

*(The scene cuts to a black background with the text "on the night of the festival..." in the center. The scene then fades to the front of the Majestica Theatres 8. The marquees both say, "GREENHILL FILM FESTIVAL". "Crime International" by Graham de Wilde plays. A 15-second montage of people entering the theater is shown. The scene then cuts to the inside of one of the auditoriums, where everyone is seen in suits. Dan is seen sitting inbetween Cheryl and Johnny, Logan and his mother are seen sitting next to Dan, Tom is seen with his mom and dad next to Logan, James is seen with his mother and father next to Tom, and Choki is seen sitting by himself. An announcer comes up behind the screen.)*

* **Announcer**: *(taps microphone)* Hello, and welcome to the Greenhill Film Festival at the Majestica Theatres! Every year, we choose some of the greatest actors worldwide to be our festival's presenter. Our presenter this year... She's hot, she's Canadian-born, she's blonde, she's El Kadsreian, she's the one and only...Lindsay Smith!

*(Everyone cheers as the announcer leaves and Lindsay comes up to the microphone)*

* **Lindsay**: Thank you, thank you! It's great to be presenting this year's GHFF, and it's also great to be having an wonderful time here with all of you!

*(The audience huhs as she finishes)*

* **Person in Crowd**: "An wonderful time here with all of you?"
* **Lindsay**: It's El Kadsre's strange grammar of sometimes using, 'the' and 'an', instead of 'a'. Don't worry about it.
* **Person in Crowd**: Oh, yeah!

*(The audience cheers her on for 4 seconds)*

* **Lindsay**: Okay. Our first film of the evening is the first by a new mini-major company, Forlock Entertainment, formed by newcomer indie director, Daniel Forlock. Crowdfunded through an online cmpaign, this film is the post-apocalyptic film, set in an alternate NYD 1990, almost an year after the Vlokozu Union split up, which is still sad to this day. It's called, "The End"! Enjoy, everybody, and have the great time!

*(The audience cheers as the lights dim and the projector turns on, starting the movie. The film opens with an old film countdown, and when it gets to three an explosion fills the screen. The title card is then shown with the "The End" logo in the ATF Poster Gothic font. Everyone starts cheering. The film finally opens with a panorama of an abandoned Tampa Beach, which is surrounded by aliens)*

* **Ronald McSullivan**: *(narrating)* The year is now 1990. It has been only a day since...They came. It began...only a day ago. New Years' Eve, December 31, 1989. The 80s were coming to an end, and the ball was about to drop. When the ball hit during New Years' Rockin' Eve '89, the aliens, the Lorvoxans had come for our brains. They kept sucking every head of every human on the planet, and eating their brains like mindless zombies! I, luckily, was unconscious, as only the Lorvoxans feed on conscious minds. After an accident forced me into a two-day coma, my girlfriend, Stephanie McGee, promised to record the ball drop on VHS, but even though she set a time to stop the recording, she didn't set a time, to prepare herself and the rest of the world. The aliens came by surprise, and I was the only one left standing. It is now my duty to save humanity, defeat the Lorvoxans, end this event I call, "The End", and give humanity their brains back. *(camera cuts to a hospital bed, where Ronald, who is played by Drew Sanderson is seen unconscious)* This time, it's literal!

* **Choki**: Great plot! Great plot!

*(The camera cuts to the front of the cinema, the text, "an hour and a half later..." is seen in the center of the screen. The camera then cuts to inside of the theater, where Ronald is seen killing the Lorvoxan leader with his guns. Ronald sweats and rubs his forehead in relief. But then, an alarm sounds)*

* **P.A.** *(in alien language; subtitled)* Alert! Alert! Leader has been destroyed, activating self-destruct sequence. *(Alarm blares even more)*
* **Ronald**: Oh, shit! I don't even know how many minutes I have till this whole place blows up! Gotta get outta here!

*(Ronald runs out of the command room, then finds some aliens boarding some escape pods. He runs up to one an alien is heading for, but as the alien gets the door open, he is held up at gunpoint by his head by Ronald)*

* **Ronald**: Dibs, alien scum! *(fires gun at alien, then gets in escape pod)* C'mon! Let this button be it! *(presses button, which ejects escape pod)* Phew! That was a close one! *(as the escape pod ejects from the ship, the ship explodes)* Huh, 15 seconds. Another second and I would've been fried like dogshit. I hope the brains are okay. *(blue lights come out from the smoke, Ronald notices them, they're revealed to be every human brain the vessel had sucked out, they are seen flying back to everyone on Earth)*

*(The escape pod lands on a bridge, Ronald leaves the pod, and runs to Stephanie's house. Stephanie's brain has returned to her body. Stephanie awakens in shock as she breathes, Ronald walks up to her)*

* **Ronald**: Stephanie! Stephanie, calm down, it's me.
* **Stephanie**: What just happened, and why do I feel like I haven't eaten or drank anything in 14 hours?
* **Ronald**: Trust me, sugar. It's a long story.

*(The camera fades to black as the credits roll, the audience applauds. After 12 seconds, the projector stops and Lindsay Smith walks back to the microphone. The people stop applauding)*

* **Lindsay**: That was the great film, wasn't it? Now, here's an little stop-motion short by the English animator, Robbie Manilow, of Skechup Animation. Ladies and gentlemen, "Flip and Flop".

*(The lights dim and the projector turns on again. The title card is then shown. The film opens with two clay-animated orange and green blob-like characters on a white background. A flower pot and a flower are seen behind them. The two are looking at the camera smiling)*

* **Female Narrator**: Hello, Flip.
* **Flip**: *(slowly waves)*

*(A slow calming xylophone tune plays)*

* **Female Narrator**: Hello, Flop.
* **Flop**: *(slowly waves with his right hand behind his back)*

*(The xylophone tune plays again. This time it sounds deeper)*

* **Female Narrator**: What's that you've got there, Flop?
* **Flop**: *(pulls out a button from behind his back)*
* **Female Narrator**: Ooh, a button! What's that for?
* **Flop**: *(winks and turns to Flip. He then pushes the button)*

*(The tile on the floor Flip is standing on starts to grow rapidly, where he hits the ceiling and gets squashed off-screen. Flop starts laughing)*

* **Female Narrator**: Oh Flop, you silly billy.

*(A squashed Flip falls off the ceiling and onto the floor. He then turns left and leaves. Flop falls on his back and starts laughing. Four seconds later, Flip, now back to normal, returns with an angry expression. He takes Flop's button)*

* **Female Narrator**: Now it looks like Flip wants a go!
* **Flip**: *(pushes Flop's button and leaves)*

*(Six seconds later, the room starts to get narrow and more narrow. As he feels the walls getting closer, Flop wakes up, where he realizes that the room is getting cramped and becomes terrified)*

* **Female Narrator**: Oh dear, Flop. It looks like that you might be claustrophobic.
* **Flop**: *(starts hyperventilating as the walls get closer. He tries to escape by climbing up the wall on the right)*

*(As the walls get closer, he is then pushed over to the wall on the left, but is pushed over to the right again. He eventually gets squashed, where his blood covers the walls. After getting squashed, the walls quickly return to their normal positions. Flip then walks in again, where he sees Flop squashed and starts laughing)*

* **Female Narrator**: Now, now, Flip, that wasn't very nice.
* **Flip**: *(shrugs his shoulders)*

*(The credits then start to roll as the audience cheers, although some can be seen vomiting because of the ending. The text "A SKECHUP ANIMATION PRODUCTION" appears and the projector turns off. Lindsay appears again)*

* **Lindsay**: Hilarious, just hilarious! The Brits still got it! Now, tonight's final movie is by a person, who is a kid, but is surprisingly good at film-making. Daniel Evans presents, "I Am Dan: The Life of an Elkadsreophile".

*(The audience applauds as the lights dim and the projector starts. The screen shows a reflective window slowly zooming out of the Wonder Tower. The camera continues zooming out, revealing the rest of El Kadsre City, before a black overlay with a rectangle cut into the center covers up the rest of the background. Afterwards, the text, "EVANS PRODUCTIONS" appears below the screen. The Spyglass Entertainment theme plays throughout the logo.)*

TBA

* **Lindsay**: Wow! Looks like an lot of people came to cheer Dan on. But anyways, what an amazing film! That was even better than The End, no offense Forlock and Mr. Sanderson. Anyways, that's all for tonight, everybody, be sure to join us again tomorrow night for our next film entries, and catch up with us in 10 days for the awards ceremony, which will also be presented by me! See you later!

*(Scene cuts to outside of the theatre, where Dan and his family are walking out)*

* **Dan**: Man! I can't believe Lindsay Smith loved my film! She's the second-greatest actress in El Kadsre, Linda Grundy being first. Man, this is getting good. I wonder what's next?

*(A limo drives up in front of the cinema. The back window rolls down, Leonardo DiCaprio is inside)*

* **Leonardo**: Hey, are you Daniel Evans?
* **Dan**: Yeah, but aren't you Leonardo DiCaprio, director of Titanic?
* **Leonardo**: That's me. I saw your film uploaded online. You've got some skill in making movies, and I would like you to help co-produce my new film!
* **Dan**: Me? Co-produce your new film? That sounds like a great idea, DiCaprio, but, an awards ceremony's coming in 10 days, and I need to be there stress-free, can you wait?
* **Leonardo**: Sure thing. See you after the ceremony.

*(Leonardo rolls up his window and the limo drives off)*

* **Dan**: I can't believe it! DiCaprio wants me to work with him on his new film! Isn't that awesome?
* **Cheryl**: Yeah, it is! I never expected one of my favorite directors to make you partner up with him. Seems like your movie's starting to pay off!
* **Dan**: Yeah, it is. Can't wait for the awards ceremony in 10 days.

*(The camera cuts to a black background with the text, "10 days later..." in the center. After 4 seconds, the camera cuts to the Olde Theatre of Greenhill, where the marquee says, "GHFF Awards Tonight". The shot last for 3 seconds before cutting to a dressing room, where Lindsay Smith is seen putting on some makeup while eating a bag of rice crackers and drinking a bottle of soda. A knock is heard on the door. An agent enters her dressing room)*

* **Agent**: Uh, Ms. Smith, Jüse is on the phone, they need to know whether you can star in their commercials promoting Cherry Jüse or not.
* **Lindsay**: *(sighs in disbelief)* Another Jüse commercial deal? Ever since the failure of Bubblegum Jüse, they've always been calling me whether or not I can star in their commercials or not, and I always tell them no! Simply tell them that my answer's always gonna be no, their powder is a knock-off, and that they don't know me!
* **Agent**: Got it, I'll tell them right away. Also, you're on in two minutes.
* **Lindsay**: Thanks.

*(Her agent leaves the dressing room. Lindsay puts down her can of soda and looks in the mirror)*

* **Lindsay**: *(sighs)* Those dicks at Jüse *are* like the school of fish in the well like Jurou said.

*(The scene cuts to Dan sitting in the audience with his mother and father, he is seen wearing a red tie)*

* **Dan**: Oh, yeah! My film's being nominated for an award. I can't wait to see what award I might win, I bet it's gonna be something good.
* **Cheryl**: We'll see, Danny-kins.
* **Johnny**: Yeah.

*(Afterwards, the lights begin to dim and a spotlight shines the front of the stage. TV cameras are seen turning on in front of the stage)*

* **Announcer**: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 10th annual Greenhill Film Festival Awards! Our host of this year's ceremony...If you've seen On Thin Ice, or, Saturn, or if you love William Benter, you might know her as the one and only, Lindsaay Smiiiith!

*(The crowd cheers as Lindsay Smith walks up to the stage's podium, which features the GHFF logo on it)*

* **Lindsay**: Thank you, thank you all! We have an lot of nominees this year, and it's pretty exciting! Now, let's begin!
* **Dan**: Oh, boy, here we go!
* **Lindsay**: Our nominees for the most outstanding film in the festival are: The End by Daniel Forlock, Me, Myself & Ivanovie by Yoroslav Bobinsky, Mr. Burningham by James Waterson, and I Am Dan: The Life of an Elkadsreophile by Daniel Evans. *(a drum roll is heard)* And the award for the most outstanding film in the festival this year goes to... *(Lindsay opens an envelope and looks at it. A cymbal crash ends the drum roll)* Daniel Evans for I Am Dan: The Life of an Elkadsreophile!

*(The crowd cheers as Dan gets up from his seat. "Givin' U All That I've Got" by Robin S. plays)*

* **Cheryl**: Did you hear that, Danny-kins, you film won an award!
* **Dan**: Yeah! And it's gonna be given to me by Lindsay Smith, too!

*(Dan walks out of his seat and down the stairs of the theater seats, then walks up the steps to the stage, where a spotlight shines on his head. Lindsay hands him the reward. Dan then walks to the podium)*

* **Dan**: Thank you so much!

*(Dan slaps Lindsay's buttocks quickly, surprising Lindsay. She turns at Dan, who whistles with his right hand behind his back. After 2 seconds, she turns at a producer off-stage)*

* **Lindsay**: Seems like somebody's a-hasty for something a-naysty. *(she notices the audience and then clears her throat)* Uh, Daniel Evans, everyone!
* **Dan**: *(in head)* Nice! Didn't get caught! Now all I need to do is slap Linda's buttocks, and I'll be one hell of a lucky Elkadsreophile! *(talking)* Thank you. It is an honor to have won this award out of all the other nominees. This one goes out to my inspiration for the film, Steven Phillips. Steven, I would like to thank your for inspiring me to make this film, because you, too, were obsessed with a country in the El Kadsreian Islands like me, only instead of El Kadsre, it was Sentan. Thank you, Steven Phillips, if you're watching, and thank you Lindsay Smith for giving me this award!

*(The crowd applauses as Dan walks off the stage)*

## The Movie Magicians

*(The scene cuts to outside of the theatre, where Dan is seen talking with his mother)*

* **Dan**: Alright, DiCaprio's gonna pick me up and take me to his mansion. We need to discuss a movie deal involving me co-producing his upcoming film.
* **Cheryl**: Alright, Danny-kins, just be nice to him.
* **Dan**: I will, Mom, I will.

*(Leonardo DiCaprio's limousine pulls up in front of the theater)*

* **Dan**: I'll be back tomorrow, mom.
* **Cheryl**: Alright, Danny-kins. *(kisses Dan on the forehead)* Have fun!

*(Dan opens the door to the limo and enters)*

* **Dan**: I will, mom!

*(Dan closes the limo door and the limo, a converted Volvo V70, drives off. The scene cuts to inside the limo, where DiCaprio is seen sitting next to Dan holding a champagne glass full of champagne)*

* **Leonardo**: Good to see you again, Dan! Must be pretty exciting co-producing my new film, huh?
* **Dan**: Yeah it is!
* **Leonardo**: Since you're here, I got something while visiting El Kadsre for you for this limousine ride.
* **Dan**: What is it?

*(Leonardo presses a button, where a tray from the floor pops up carrying a bottle of Pepsi Blue with a wine glass by it)*

* **Leonardo**: El Kadsreian Pepsi Blue. With a wine glass, too.
* **Dan**: You sound like Kazaam, but, thanks! *(Dan opens the bottle and pours some into the glass)* I've never had this imported drink in a few weeks.

*(Dan takes a sip of the drink from the glass)*

* **Leonardo**: You know, it's not everyday you meet a celebrity, huh?
* **Dan**: Well, actually, I own a hoverboard business and, I know a *lot* of celebrities!
* **Leonardo**: Name some.
* **Dan**: Tony Hawk, Patrick Stuart, Eminem, Bono, Janet Jackson, Ryu Judoku, Michael & Hideki Hamasaki, Brock Baker, Janet Myeong, Mitsuomi Ekomoto-
* **Leonardo**: That beard...
* **Dan**: -Tim Allen, Bas Elyas- great football player...and there's also-
* **Leonardo**: Y-Y'know what? That's a lot of celebrities. You've proven me wrong. For you, it *is* everyday you meet celebrities.

*(Dan and Leonardo laugh together for 4 seconds before Leonardo looks out his door's window)*

* **Leonardo**: Wow. We're here at my house already.

*(The scene cuts to the outside of Leonardo's mansion, where his limousine drives up to it, before cutting back to the inside of the limo)*

* **Dan**: Huh, that drive was pretty qui-

*(Suddenly, shoulder restraints pop up from behind the seats and latch on to both Dan and Leonardo)*

* **Dan**: What the heck?
* **Leonardo**: You might wanna hold on tight, kid!

*(Outside, a circular platform disguised as a road carrying the limousine drops down fast, Dan screams inside the limo. Then, the platform stops at a connected road. Dan now has to barf. Leonardo hands him a brown bag, which Dan barfs into for 4 seconds)*

* **Dan**: I had a *lot* of Sizzler for dinner before I got here, and it was *slightly* undercooked.

TBA