Shades of the Great Houses - Chapter Five

Poster for the Live Show

> "*You must be relieved for the snow, what with those thirsty wigs!*"
> ― Moxy, lead singer of Crotch
>
>

**Shades of the Great Houses - Chapter Five: "The Tip of the Tops Competition"** is the sixth episode of Queens of Adventure. It was a live show at the Timbre Room in Seattle and featured the queens of Booty and the Hofish attempting to compete in a talent contest.

## Synopsis

At the Crystal Palace of the Ice Princess, Booty and the Hofish perform a classy holiday themed number as part of the Search for the Tops talent competition. As the Ice Princess watches from above, and other acts murmur nervously, three judges confer. One is surrounded by scarves, a second is a creature known as a flumph, and the third is a wizard's face in a crystal ball. The wizard asks them to introduce themselves and impress the judges. After introductions, both Harlotte and Fraya attempt to do impromptu performances to mixed reactions, but the group still qualifies for the finals

The Ice Princess announces the order the three final acts will perform: The Tooting Oombas will perform at the second bell, the rock band Crotch will perform at the third bell, and Booty and the Hofish will perform at the fourth bell.

Everyone mingles before the finale. Fraya heads for the bar. The bartender tries to warn them about Crotch. Harlotte approaches Gnomi, the group's researcher, and asks what is wrong. He explains they have one round to go to get the scepter they are looking for to open the vault of the next lost treasure, but he too is worried about the band Crotch. As he says so, the band approaches, surrounded by three bodyguards.

Moxy, the lead singer, asks them what they're looking at. The queens read them. Hambone and Gunge try to insult them back, but fail to measure up. Still, Harlotte is shook when Moxy calls them bags before she goes to get drinks.

The Ice Princess stands and claps. An ice wall moves aside to reveal three reindeer drawn sleighs and offers tours of the palace grounds to the acts. With a snap of her fingers, beverages appear in everyone's hands as they head to the sleighs. Fraya sits up front with Harlotte, Butylene sits behind shotgun next to Arson in the back. They head out, and down below they can see a massive blizzard surrounding the base of the mountain. The first bell sounds as they pass the ice sculpture garden. Moxy throws some shade, and Hambone throws an actual bone at them, Harlotte fails to catch the bone. Fraya uses *create water* in a drink tossing effect. Moxy says this is a search for the tops, and the party deserves to be on the bottom. The party's driver reveals himself to be one of Crotch's bodyguards, sabotages the sleigh and escapes.

   The sleigh careens down the mountain, through the blizzard. Everyone holds on except for Arson who is knocked out if the sleigh, and her sleeve catches on the side and she is dragged along. They can see trees nearby they will crash into, and their only options is a possible cliff or an icicle filled cave. They chose the cave and their sleigh careens through. Arson manages to avoid icicles from the side of the sleigh, but Butylene gets bonked on the head while hauling Arson back in with her tail. Fraya shapes a snow bank into a ramp to help them stop the sleigh. They resist the cold of the blizzard as they hear a bell in the distance. The ice beneath them begins to crack.

They investigate a voice in a nearby clump of trees and find a dwarf trapped in a tree by his belt. Harlotte gets him down and he explains he was being chased by a snow beast. Upon hearing they need to get to the Crystal Palace, which is a day's walk from there, he asks them to escort him to the toy factory and his foreman could lend them a sleigh. Fraya and Arson want to know what kind of 'toys' they are. He leads them off, and introduces himself as Silverus Goldstein. Fraya starts to take damage from the cold.

Arriving at the factory, they hear the second bell, signifying the start to the Tooting Oompas performance. Entering the factory, a large man, clearly the foreman arrives. Harlotte asks if she's been naughty or *naughty* and the foreman pulls out a naughty meter which beeps loudly and explodes. Upon hearing their situation, he explains his sleigh would still take hours to reach the palace and suggests suggests they talk to the Griffon who rules the Island of Misfit Boys could get them there faster. He will take them to the island if they help him with a photo shoot of some of their new 'toys'. They gladly participate and earn a ride.

The ride is uneventful although they hear a horrifying scream in the distance which Butylene realizes is a Snow Beast, or Yeti, just as they enter an open area near an ice lake. The reindeer pulling their sleigh are nervous, but Butylene uses *talk to animals* to calm them. It does no good as a Snow Beast bursts from the tree line, runs up and eats one of the reindeer before turning to attack the party.

Fraya runs to some trees and *lights* them up, distracting the Yeti. Arson fires her *eldritch blast*. Using her new skill, Butylene coats a dagger in Koochy's Hideous laughter, revealing she has some of the poison hidden in a false molar she spits onto the dagger. She stabs the yeti who begins to laugh hysterically at the lit up tree. Harlotte also attacks, though only her stiletto strike lands, but the yeti then snaps out of his laughter. He gives a chilling gaze towards Harlotte which terrifies her, then swipes with his claws. The elf driving the sleigh tosses Harlotte a healing potion. Fraya briefly runs off to water a tree, attacking as she flees. Arson then tries something new and summons her pact weapon for the first time: a vibrating neck massager, but critical fails on the attack. The yeti grabs at her, but she manages to dodge.

Butylene takes a shot of her mutagen, becoming Mutalene, a hulking monster (in soft focus). Mutalene lashes out with her tail at the monster, doing damage but also strangely relaxing the monster. Harlotte uses her slippers or spider climbing to climb the monster to launch off its face to reach the top of the lit up tree. She stabs its face with the stiletto heel of her shoe, piercing its eye. The attack kills the beast.

The group regathers and hears a third bell. They can hear Crotch's song, like a metal version of a Barbara Streisand song, in the distance. Fraya freezes the water she made mid-battle into golden ice skates for the reindeer to improve their movement and they quickly reach the Island of Misfit Boys in the center of the frozen lake. About a hundred elf men are hanging around in hot tubs and saunas. In the center sauna, there is a Griffon. He welcomes them as the factory elf brings out the order of toys.

Though they want to stay, they ask for help reaching the Search for the Tops. The Griffon would be delighted to help, but only once they finish the round of the game they were playing: Truth or Dare. Highlights of the dares include: Harlotte playing a game of ring toss with one of the elves. Arson is dared to lip synch to a song she's never heard before. Butylene is dared to draw a lipstick portrait of someone in sixty seconds. Fraya must act out a soap opera scene, with the help of audience members.

His desire indulged, the Griffon attaches himself to the sleigh, the queens get in, and he flies them into the air. They're making good time until they hear another roar. Harlotte drinks the health potion quickly. Arson recognizes the sound as an Abominable Snow Beast, an even larger, worse version of snow beast, which is charging after them. Harlotte hurls the bloody shoe they think is drawing the beast's focus, distracting the beast enough for them to reach the Crystal Palace. The party rushes into the theater lobby.

The bullhorned bodyguard blocks the way to the theater. Above on the mezzanine, the bodyguard from their sleigh has a crossbow drawn while Moxy sneers they're showtime is about to start. Fraya charges the bigger guard and kicks him in the groin. The band retreats into the theater as the third guard with a mace locks the door behind them. Harlotte uses her slippers again to climb the walls and leap onto the mezzanine to double attack the crossbow bodyguard. The eyepatch'd guard behind them swings his mace at Mutalene and misses. Arson retaliates at him with *eldritch blast*, but the shot goes wild and hits the wall, cracking the ice. A *thunder wave* rumbles out of Fraya, hitting the large guard and throwing him against the locked auditorium door. However, it shatters one of the mezzanine pillars where the archer fires a bolt at Arson. Mutalene pirouettes into a claw attack at the eyepatch guard who swung at her, then lashes out with her tail, knocking him back. The large guard gores Fraya with the horns on his helmet. Harlotte dives down towards the large guard as the mezzanine collapses, knocking out the archer. The eye patch guard misses again but his mace cracks the floor which Arson attacks with her pact vibrator. The floor shatters and the guard falls to the basement. Fraya and Mutalene both attack the final large guard. The floor cracks here too, swallowing this guard and damaging the locked theater door. The party pushes the door open.

As everyone in the theater turns to look at them and the lights swivel, the fourth bell rings. Moxy tries to claim it's too late and runs to grab the scepter from the Princess, but the music starts. The queens deliver an emotional and powerfully defiant performance. The audience applauds and the Ice Princess turns to Moxy, still gripping the scepter and says "Let it go."

The Princess approaches Booty and the Hofish, dubbing them the year's greatest tops. Fraya receives the scepter. Moxy fumes, "You haven't seen the last of us!" as the Abominable Yeti breaks through the wall, snatching Moxy. It knocks the other members of crotch into a fountain. Ice falls around the palace, pinning Gnomi to the floor. The princess shouts for people to get to safety as Fraya *destroys water* to free Gnomi.

Everyone flees the palace. The queens and Gnomi hop into the sleigh as the Griffon asks what happened.

"Brought the house down!" the audience shouts.

### Characters

#### Party

* Arson Nicki - drow warlock
* Butylene O'Kipple - tiefling alchemist
* Fraya Love - water genasi cleric
* Harlotte O'Scara - human rogue

#### NPcs

* The Ice Princess (debut)
* Judges (including Charismo) (debut)
* The Tooting Oombas (debut)
* Crotch (debut)
	+ Moxy (lead singer)
	+ Hambone (drummer)
	+ Gunge
* Gnomi Malone
* Bartender (debut)
* Silverus Goldstein (debut) - a dwarf
* Factory Foreman (debut)
* The Griffon (debut)

#### Monsters/Enemies

* Snow Beast
* Crotch's Bodyguards
* Abominable Snow Beast

#### Live Show Roles

* DM Matt
* Dice Boy/Pup Bolt - one of the misfit boys
* Audience Members - additional elf boys
* DJ Robosex Homosex

## Episode  Notes

### Lore

* The Ice Princess determines each year who is worthy of receiving an Ice Scepter that has connections to a great treasure.

### Inspiration Earned

* Harlotte - Interpretive Tap Dance
* Fraya - Shaping Water to wring out her sweaty bra pads
* Butylene - using her tail to try and rescue Arson.
* Harlotte - For making a joke about exposure
* Butylene - For making an exposure joke 15 minutes earlier
* Arson - Live performed dodge

### Memorable Quotes

* "This year for Christmas everyone's getting Thoughts & Prayers" - Butylene O'Kipple
* "Tequilla's heavier than other liquids. It says so in the DMs guide, I promise." - Harlotte O'Scara
* "My name is Arson Nicki, and I'm here to make it clear, but in a fun and approachable way, you know?" - Arson Nicki
* "Ooh, fish is on the menu!" - Charismo Collins
* "I'm never worried about Crotch" - Fraya Love
* "We don't have bags. We fly Spirit." - Fraya Love
* "I have no comeback, that was a good read." "Especially from the DM!" "She's been learning!" - Fraya and Harlotte
* "I feel like this would make a really great Christmas card!" - Arson Nicki
* "Can I roll for alcohol poisoning, cause I think I'm blacked out right now." - Fraya Love
* "If you've never seen a Skeksis in drag, it is a sight to behold." - DM Matt
* "Your rope is 50 feet. How far away from the castle do you think you are?" - DM Matt
* "We entered a competition, but now we're going to die of exposure." - Butylene O'Kipple
* "Do we have to be clothed?" "No one does, but there is a blizzard out there." - Harlotte and the Foreman
* "I have a foul funk *and* a fourth dimensional portal on me. Just saying!" - Arson Nicki
* "Though there's only one versatile person here. I dare you to guess which one." - Fraya Love
* "*Stuffed* full of one dollar bills!" - Arson Nicki
* "WHY Rogelio? Why! I've been here shaving your butt for the last nine months, and you love your *doctor?* Por Que?" - Fraya Love
* "Are we not there anymore? We were there for a second! Harvey Weinstein too far? But Kevin Spacey, YAS!?" - Fraya Love
* "The cold *totally* bothered me anyway with that shitty constitution check!" - Arson Nicki

### References

* Roxxy Andrews rap from the finale of RuPaul's Drag Race All-Stars season 2.
* RuPaul's annual asking of why one queen should win over another.
* Spirit Airlines
* Kurt Cobain, Bruce Lee, Brandon Lee, and JFK's untimely deaths.
* Shangela's legendary sugar daddy rant from RuPaul's Drag Race Untucked season 2.
* Tammie Brown's "walking children in nature" line from Drag Race Season 1 reunion.
* Skeksis and Mystics from Dark Crystal
* Uber
* His Dark Materials
* Tom Bombadill from Lord of the Rings
* Tontons from Star Wars
* Kids in the Hall
* Home Alone
* Oregon Trail (dying if dysentery)
* Santa Claus and his Reindeers
* The Island of Misfit Toys
* Squatty Potty
* Eagle Scouts
* "Good luck storming the castle!" from The Princess Bride
* Chewbacca from Star Wars
* Butylene's Krampus number
* Bloodbending from Avatar: The Last Airbender
* Mrs's Weasley's "Not My Daughter, You Bitch!"
* Marvel's Hulk - when Butylene becomes Mutalene.
* American Werewolf in London transformation
* "The Witches" - when the witches remove their wigs
* Barbara Streisand
* Miracle on 42nd street
* Kevin Spacey, Brian Singer, and Harvey Weinstein
* Kill Bill
* Yoshi and Princess Peach
* Nicki Minaj
* People's Choice Awards and Nickelodeon
* Kanye West's interruption of Taylor Swift's acceptance speech
* Bring It On's Ice ice ice routine.

### Name That Tune

* "All I Want for Christmas Is You" - Mariah Carey (Opening Number)
* "We Three Kings" - We Three Queens
* "Sleigh Ride"
* "Defying Gravity" - the musical Wicked
* "What's this, what's this?" - Nightmare Before Christmas
* "Bad Boys" theme from Cops.
* "If I Could Turn Back Time" - Cher
* "Little Drummer Boy" (Note: DM rules that this was intentionally not put in the show, so hearing this does not cause one to lose the Drummer Boy Challenge)
* "Barbara Streisand" - Duck Sauce
* "Anthem" by Crazy Kitty (Secret Lip synch)
* "Roar" - Katy Perry
* Overture from the musical Chicago.
* "Let it Go" - from Frozen (final lip synch)

## Behind the Queens

* Not counting Season 1 Episode 16, which was split and released in two parts, this is the longest episode of the main show as of November, 2019, although there are longer bonus episodes.
* The judge with the scarves is a reference to Charismo, a player character in a side campaign DM Matt ran for the Extra-Life fundraiser in November 2017. This adventure aired on twitch, and was later released as bonus episode seven.
* Arson jokes that the four queens in the runaway sleigh would make a really great Christmas Card. Art of this scene by Cody Shipman was turned into a Christmas card sent to kickstarter backers and patreon supporters in December 2018, a year after the show.
* This show's Dice Boy, Bolt, is part of the podcast "Watts the Safe Word", who provided the 'toys' for the photo shoot and the ring toss challenge.
* Prior to the March 2020 renumbering of the series, this was episode five of Season Zero.

**Greetings From Fire Island**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - **The Show Must Go On**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Operation Watersport**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6 - Ch7 - **Trials**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Ghosts of the Coast**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - **The Devil's Due**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Special**: The Story So Far
**The Beautiful Place**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6 - **A Dance in the Dark**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Drama in the Deep**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6 - **Whispers From the Heart**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6
**Danger Rangers!**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6
**Mist Connections**: Ch1 - Ch2
**Unreleased**
Lost: Camp Crystal Light - Pax West 2018 --  vs the Lizard People
Live Shows: Seattle Style -- Minneapolis Style