Gavi: Love and Loyalty

**[Translators note: Achyan = nephew. Ben = son.]**

Gavi tugged at her horse’s reigns. It slowed from the pounding gallop, gently easing into a walk. As much as Gavi wanted to, she couldn’t run it all the way to the castle. What if she could though? Keep up this fast pace till she got back? And then— what?

*Tell Imesh: He has two days to come here and surrender himself. Or we will kill his husband.*

Griffin wouldn’t take it well. Gavi saw the way they looked at each other. And as much as she wished Griffin didn’t share those looks with an elf… he did. Raef made Griffin feel *safe*. When had Gavi felt that? Known what it was like to curl in someone’s arms, and feel like everything was gonna be okay?

Fucking never. And yet she worked so hard to provide that feeling for her boys. And fucking *Raef*. Resentment broiled in her gut and she clenched her fists around the reins. How dare he? How dare he steal in and so effortlessly do what Gavi’d busted her back for? What if Gavi didn’t deliver the message. Let them kill Raef. One less fucking *elf* to deal with.

Except then, Griffin’d be miserable. And maybe Gavi was too soft, but she didn’t want to see her boy suffer. So then, what was Gavi supposed to do? If she delivered the message, Griffin would fight to get him free. Likely his Runner friends too. And then what was Gavi supposed to do? Fight him? The idea made her sick. She couldn’t fight Griffin. He wasn’t living up to his purpose— he was hiding away and refusing his role as the Scion— but Gavi loved him and she couldn’t stand to see him hurt.

Was she supposed to fight Ezra then? As much as being around him made her stomach twist in knots, as wide as the gulf between them spanned, Gavi loved him. How was she supposed to fix things if she took Griffin’s side? And all this over an *elf*. The enemy. Ezra was in the *right* here. Elves were the enemy. Griffin shouldn’t be married to one, Griffin should have stayed home, found a nice orc boy, and when the time came accepted his role as the Scion.

But he hadn’t. And Gavi couldn’t bring herself to hate him for it. After her daughter died… Griffin had been the one to help her hold together. She’d held him, changed him— hell even nursed him more than his own mother had. And somewhere along the way the lines got blurred, and he was *ben* instead of *achyan*.

“Maybe this is why I got the rot,” she said aloud. Her horse didn’t care, just kept plodding on. “I’m too soft. Got a rot in my heart so Gruumsh gave me a rot in my bones to match.”

She sighed softly. She reached for the amulet in her pocket and gripped her fist around it. Times like this she usually would pray for guidance. But she knew what the answer would be for that already.

“Gruumsh,” she said tilting her head to look up in the sky. “I know my role. I know my place. And I do it, best I can. But this time…” she rubbed her thumb over her amulet. “Was this what I was sent here for?” she asked softly. “For this?” She grit her teeth. Fury was bubbling in her gut. And you know what? Fuck it.

Gavi jerked the reins and the horse stopped, whinnying in pain. She’d apologize, later. Now she dismounted fast enough she almost fell off, grabbing her axe and smashing it into a nearby tree. “*Why*? Why *me*? You know I love my family. I do all this to *protect* them! And I know Griff- Ime- you *know* who the *fuck* I mean— he’s not following you and I know what you want from him!” She wrenched her axe out of the tree and clanged it against the ground. Clouds were gathering. “And I fucking *know* what to do. Aright? Are you testing me on my loyalty? Well *good fucking job* there! I hope you know what the outcome is cause I sure fucking don’t!”

She flinched. Half expected lighting to come down outta the sky and strike her down for daring to say that. But nothing happened. Slowly she collapsed to the ground, hugging her legs. That had been fucking painful to admit to. She was being tested, pitting her love to her family against her loyalty to her god, her people. And yeah, she didn’t know which part would win out. She missed the days when things were clear. There were the orcs, and there was everybody else. Love and loyalty lead her down the same paths. Now she had to question— which one meant more?

“You’ll only be there if I go one way,” she said to the sky. It rumbled dangerously. “Yeah, yeah I know. I’m fucking terrible.” *Smite me*. Except don’t cause she was pretty convinced Gruumsh would.

“I follow you to protect them,” Gavi said quietly. Except now, couldn’t even claim that with Griffin any more. Her power could protect Timur. But could she give up Griffin for that? The thought put her heart in a vice. She loved both her boys. She couldn’t live through losing another child. Not again. Not again.

Rain started dusting Gavi’s shoulders— and then pounding on them. She needed to get moving. Wouldn’t resolve anything sitting around moping.

And if some of the water running down her face wasn’t rain, well that was between her and Gruumsh.