The Great Interstellar Train Robbery

The Great Interstellar Train Robbery was the second serial of season five of Category War. It was the first appearance of Jerome - a Hy-Phemm who would become a recurring character until his death in the season eight episode "Breath"

## Synopsis

Decades after the end of the Crusade of the Seven Systems, the Gardal Federation has managed to reconnect.

An interstellar train dubbed "The Great Interstellar Express" carrying members of the various worlds of the Federation has embarked.

Arriving on the Express, the Resistance begin to look for the second piece of the Neach-Gledhidh Uine.

However, almost as soon as they arrive, the Resistance finds themselves facing off against robbers.

## Plot

### Train-Flight! (1)

While the TARDIS is in flight, Ank and Poseidon wander around the corridors of the time machine. Just out of sight from the trio a glob of grey protoplasm materializes in the hallway.

This glob is a Hy-Phemm - a race that floats through space for millenia. They can also shapeshift- which is shown when the Hy-Phemm morphs into a clone of the first person it saw - Ank. It nearly fools Poseidon when he encounters it walking down an adjacent hallway until the real Ank calls him into the control room. Ankarstian and Areex have located the second piece of the Neach-Gleidhidh Uine. Ankarstian begins to materialize her TARDIS - which is when the Hy-Phemm clone of Ank wanders in. Ank originally thinks that the Hy-Phemm is an Alliance spy disguised as her but that's when the Hy-Phemm morphs into the form of a young man in cricketing gear and then into that of the Pythia - one of the figures from pre-Rasillonian Gallifrey (which scares Ank slightly). It finally morphs into that of Ank's image of the average human - which happens to be that of a mannequin wearing a robe and jeans. They then depart - taking the Hy-Phemm with them

Their location is the "Great Interstellar Express" - a huge interstellar train created by the races of the "Gardal Federation". Its passengers include a Cagliarian senator named Gowghent, a Gleeck celebrity named Lom'Nek, the Heartakian scientist who invented the engines - Jhema - and a Lustan lawyer named Sho'van. The Express is also carrying a trove of jewels - which includes the rare Sigil of Zyess.

While on the Express, Ankarstian mistakes Gowghent for Beanley and removes his fake moustache. Areex mingles with Lom'Nek - a fellow insectoid, and Poseidon questions the Hy-Phemm (who has chosen the name Jerome). After Ank manages to convince Gowghent that she had mistaken him for someone else, Ank sits next to Jhema. Ank and Jhema talk about Jhema's prediction for the end of the world - that it will end with a war that destroys the universe. Ank and Jhema then talk about mysterious signals that Jhema has spotted outside of the ship.

Outside of the Express, a dingy, gun-metal grey ship starts to follow it. It is manned by a crew of Naughlaught robbers. As Ank looks out of the window of the ship, she can see the outline of the ship.

After a few seconds, the Naughlaughs uncloak and dock with the ship - blowing a hole in the side of it. Unbeknownst to them the hole is directly where the Resistance members are standing.

### Heist (2)

The hole nearly sucks the Resistance members into space, however, they are saved after Jerome reforms into a fleshy wall. This lasts briefly, however, as the Naughlaught ship docks with the hole and Jerome is forced to detach.

The Naughlaughts then enter and start rounding up passengers. The Resistance members attempt to fight them, however, the Naughlaughts manage to beat them by sheer force of numbers. In the aftermath of the battle, Ankarstian is taken as a hostage. The Naughlaughts attempt to get her to give them her TARDIS, however, they fail.

Meanwhile, a group of Naughlaughts attempt to break into the vault. They manage to break in but are attacked by a guard drone. The drone manages to severely wound one robber before it is destroyed - as such, the Naughlaughts are forced to retreat.

In the Naughlaught ship, Ankarstian is challenged to a game for the sake of the passengers - that game is the Naughlaught equivalent of Russian roulette. If Ankarstian "sacrifices" herself, the passengers go free. However, if she lives then all of the passengers will be killed.

The Naughlaught leader hands Ank a gun and the game begins.

### The Great Interstellar Train Robbery (3)

Ank holds the gun to her head and begins to pull down on the trigger, however, at the last second she turns the gun on the ship's power conduit and fires on it - causing all of the power to the ship to shut down - allowing Ank to escape.

The Naughlaughts then realise that they will have to take over the bridge. As such, they bring out a battering ram and begin to bash it against the heavily armoured door.

Eventually, it breaks down - revealing that the Express is captained by an AI - E.A.R.L. The Naughlaughts attempt to take over E.A.R.L, however, he begins a self-destruct sequence due to the Federation's strict non-compliance orders during hostage crises.

In a desperate attempt to get their ship working again, the Naughlaughts grab Ank and Areex and have them try to fix the power conduit. They manage to fix the conduit but can't get it to work due to the conduit requiring something to charge it.

As such, the Naughlaughts grab a rare Firestone from the vault. However, Jerome then drops from the ceiling and attacks them. The Resistance then battle with them - forcing the Naughlaughts to retreat back to their ship. The Naughlaughts manage to start up the ship - leaving the docking arm in the Express as they leave. However, the ship stalls out - stranding the Naughlaughts. The Naughlaught leader attempts to use the Firestone to charge the vessel, however, it overloads the ship - causing it to explode.

Meanwhile, E.A.R.L's self-destruct sequence has nearly reached its end. Before it can, though, Ank convinces E.A.R.L that the Naughlaughts have left. As such, E.A.R.L ends the sequence.

The Resistance then leaves - taking the Sigil of Zyess and creating a copy to give to the crew of the Express. As Ankarstian's TARDIS dematerializes, Lom'Nek reveals that he is pledging his support for the Resistance. Gowghent agrees with him - revealing that he will ask the Federation to help the Resistance in their war once the Express reaches its destination.

## Cast

* Poseidon - Chris Barrie
* Ankarstian - Lesley Dunlop
* Areex - John Scott Martin
* Jerome - Edward Cooke
* Lom'Nek - Gerald Cross
* Gowghent - Nicholas McArdie
* Sho'van - Glyn Houston
* Professor Jhema - Sylvester McCoy
* Pkovaritch - Rick Lester
* E.A.R.L - TBA
* Guard drone - TBA

## References

* The Gardal Federation is made up of several worlds within the Gardal sector
* The Cagliarians have recently joined the Federation
* The Heartakians - though not from the Gardal sector - are a part of the Gardal Federation. They come from the cold icy world of Heartak.

## Notes

* The Great Interstellar Train Robbery includes one of the first roles of Sylvester McCoy - who would later become the Seventh Doctor.

## Continuity

* One of the Cagliarians - Beanley - is a member of the Eversiscendants and an enemy of the Resistance (CW: Operation: Earth et al)
* Jerome would become a recurring character
* The Crusade of the Seven Systems is mentioned (CW: The Curse of Tau Ceti, The Shoal, So Vast a Pile)
* One of the forms that Jerome morphs into is that of the Pythia (CW: The Vault; DW: Time's Crucible, Lungbarrow)

Sephulchre, Decay, The Children Shall Rule, Operation: Earth, Deathdays, The Loop, Reach, Genesis, Parasite, The Relics of Sutekh, Nova Six, Siege

**Seasons 4 and 5**
The Final Sanction, Sultanate, Hunters, Legacy of the Dead, Art, The Vault, The Curse of Tau Ceti, **The Great Interstellar Train Robbery**, The Shoal, Ice Screams, Hephaestus, The War Makers

**Season 6**
The Wall, The Water Monsters, War and the Daleks, Song of Death, The Maze, The Raid

**Seasons 7-9**
Planet of the Evil Ones, The Evolutionary Episode, Liberation, The Labyrinth of Karakarat, The Corruptor, The Woodworks, The Dark One, The Core, The Obsidian Archipelago, Breath, The Wheel of Metal, Death in the Light, Diamond Dogs, Hotel Hell, Legacy

**Season 10**
Planet of Bones, Men of the Earth, The Eight Soldiers, The Orb of Cestala, The Palace of Death, The Time Storm, Angel of Time, The Flight of Luxury, The Fine Game of Nil, The Haunting of the Epsilon Zone, The Horrid Circus, The Last Day at Eridan, Town of the Damned, The Jester's Trial, Concealment, Death Masks, The Last City on Earth