Galnet hírek: 3301 December

## 31 DEC 3301 – Clauss Incorporated Appeal Comes to an End

original article

Clauss Incorporated has announced that its recent appeal for Special Gifts has been warmly received by the galactic community, with hundreds of pilots taking to their ships to transport the requested commodities from Frost Dock in the Njambalba system to Clauss Port in Santa Muerte. Nicolas St Clauss, the CEO of Clauss Incorporated, released a brief statement:

"It warms my heart to see so many people giving to their fellow citizens, and helping us spread joy throughout the galaxy. I'd like to thank all those who contributed to this appeal."

In addition to offering participants generous financial incentives, Clauss Incorporated also gave away hundreds of free ships to pilots who contributed to the appeal.

## 31 DEC 3301 – Sirius Corporation Begins Analysing Wreckage

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Last week, the Sirius Corporation launched a search for the remains of the Antares, an innovative passenger liner that disappeared during its maiden voyage in 3251. The initiative piqued the interest of the galactic community, and hundreds of independent pilots took part in the search, scouring the galaxy for remains of the lost ship.

Today, the Sirius Corporation confirmed that it has received thousands of tonnes of space-borne debris, and that it would soon begin analysing the wreckage to determine its origin. Li Yong-Rui, CEO of Sirius Gov, released a brief statement to the media:

"The galactic community has responded to our appeal with great enthusiasm, and we are extremely grateful to all those who took part in the search. Now we must analyse the debris to determine whether any of the wreckage delivered to us is from the Antares. We will make a further announcement as soon as our analysis is complete. Our hope is that the fate of the Antares will not remain a mystery much longer."

## 30 DEC 3301 – Faction Appeals for Fireworks

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With the end of the year less than a week away, preparations for New Year celebrations are in full swing throughout the galaxy. One of the most notable is the forthcoming party from Independent Cherets Labour, an organisation based in the Cherets system. According to a recent press release, the organisation has issued an open contract for fireworks with which to mark the start of 3302. But not just any fireworks. Anduliga fireworks.

"If you really want to start the New Year with a bang, you need fireworks. But I'm not talking about those namby-pamby firecrackers you get in Alioth or Achenar. I'm talking about the bone-rattling, teeth-loosening explosives you find in Anduliga. That's why we're offering rewards to anyone who brings Anduliga Fireworks to us here at Buckey Hub."

Independent Cherets Labour has also asked for combat pilots to clear the spaceways of Cherets, to ensure the safety of those delivering fireworks to Buckey Hub. "Anyone who hands in bounty vouchers will be generously compensated," the organisation confirmed.

The appeal begins today and is scheduled to run until the 7th of January.

## 23 DEC 3301 – Treasure Hunt Comes to an End

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The third treasure hunt from eccentric billionaire Alfred Jeffress has come to an unexpected end, with not one but two pilots claiming the grand prize. Commanders MAX RED and Sync Mercy completed the treasure hunt within seconds of each other, prompting Jeffress to declare them both winners.

As with Jeffress's previous treasure hunts, competitors were required to solve a series of riddles to find the mystery object at the centre of the search. Competitors were led to multiple systems, eventually landing at Lasswitz Terminal in the Mentor system, and finally to the Prism system where the mysterious object was found.

When the winners were announced, Alfred Jeffress released a brief statement:

"I wish to extend my sincere congratulations to the winners, both of whom will soon receive a share of my personal fortune and the deeds to a new ship. I would also like to extend my gratitude to all those who took part – your enthusiasm has made this endeavour more than worthwhile."

## 23 DEC 3301 – Appeal for Crystalline Spheres Comes to an End

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Last week, the Hel Purple Energy Industry launched a public appeal for crystalline spheres to commemorate the upcoming winter solstice festival – a tradition from Earth's ancient past. Hundreds of independent pilots got into the spirit of the occasion, taking to their ships to deliver the requested commodities to Snow Moon in the Bento system. A spokesperson for the Hel Purple Energy Industry said:

"We're thrilled with how it's turned out, we really are. Some said this appeal didn't have a chance of succeeding, but the response from the galactic community shows that the winter solstice still means something to people. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to check on the turkey."

## 23 DEC 3301 – Scientist's Appeal Successful

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Last week, Professor Ishmael Palin issued a request for evacuation shelters with which to establish a new research outpost on Maia b1ba in the Maia system. Today, Professor Palin announced that the request had been positively received by the galactic community, and that he and his team were now in a position to start work on their new base of operations.

"Given the strong correlation between the presence of Unknown Artefacts and the mechanical issues currently affecting starports, it's of the utmost importance that we continue our research at a remove from the civilian population," said Professor Palin. "This new outpost will allow us to do exactly that, and it couldn't have been achieved without the support of the public."

Professor Palin said he hoped the new station would be up and running within a week.

## 22 DEC 3301 – The Galactic Intern's Special Treasure Hunt for SpecialEffect

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Greetings, Commander Ed Lewis,

I have heard of your adventures as the galactic intern, trying various jobs across the galaxy. Now I would like to offer you an opportunity to apply for a position with me. My representative has something for you, but to claim your prize you will have to solve one of my treasure hunts.

Your problem solving skills and memory will be tested as you retrace your steps finding four locations from your past. At each location there is a clue for the code you need. That's four locations with four clues to give you the four-digit combination.

Here are the clues to the locations:

1- A poor old goat alone did seem, we brought him riches to support a nebulous dream.

2- We can cater for the intern's tastes, hurry now no time to waste.

3- Racers come and racers go, but where were you in that show?

4- Dock where a mysterious voice with a head for figures told you to obtain traffic numbers.

Good luck, and happy hunting.

Alfred Jeffress

## 22 DEC 3301 – Clauss Incorporated Issues Appeal

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The Clauss Incorporated organisation, a galaxy-wide distributor of luxury commodities, has issued a public appeal for Special Gifts. The company CEO, Nicolas St Clauss, has released a statement to the media, which is reprinted in full below:

"We at Clauss Incorporated specialise in bringing joy to the people of this vast and wonderful galaxy. But fulfilling the hopes and dreams of so many is a difficult task, and this year we're experiencing increased demand for Special Gifts. So we're asking all you talented pilots to help us by transporting Special Gifts from Frost Dock in the Njambalba system to Clauss Port in the Santa Muerte system. We're willing to offer generous financial incentives to those who help, and we'll even be giving new ships to novice pilots who contribute to our appeal\*."

"Sincerely,

Nicolas St Clauss"

"\*Terms and conditions: New ships will only be offered to pilots who have logged between 3 and 10 hours total flight time. The type of ship offered will depend on the total number of Special Gifts brought to Clauss Port, so please dig deep for your fellow pilots!"

## 22 DEC 3301 – The Search for the Antares

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3251 is remembered chiefly for the disappearance of the Antares, a technologically revolutionary passenger liner designed and built by the Sirius Corporation. The ship was supposed to usher in a new age in interplanetary travel, but the loss of the vessel during its maiden voyage tarnished the reputation of the Sirius Corporation and stalled the company's plans to develop further superfast liners.

The exact reason for the ship's disappearance has never been established, but a fragmentary status report, transmitted by the Antares moments before contact was lost, indicated that a component failure took place during the ship's first hyperspace jump. The failure resulted in a simultaneous explosion and mis-jump, leading many to assume that the ship had been destroyed. But no wreckage from the vessel has ever been found, and its precise fate remains unknown.

It seems, however, that the Sirius Corporation is not ready to close the file on the Antares. Today, Li Yong-Rui, CEO of the company's governmental division, announced that the organisation intends to launch an official search for the ship:

"Since the Antares was lost 50 years ago, there have been great advances in scanning technology, and we believe it may now be possible to find the remains of the ship. We are inviting every pilot in the galaxy to deliver wreckage components to our research base at Davy Dock in the Procyon system. Once we have accumulated enough material, we will subject the debris to comprehensive analysis to determine its origin. With luck, not only will we find the remains of the Antares, we will be able to determine her fate."

The search begins today.

## 21 DEC 3301 – Technical Issues spread to Maia

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Following last week's report that the technical issues currently plaguing the galaxy had spread to Gabriel Enterprise in Harma, authorities at the starport have announced that all services have been suspended apart from docking and shipyard access. Meanwhile, authorities in the Maia system have confirmed that the starport of Obsidian Orbital is the latest to experience mysterious technical issues. This announcement will no doubt disappoint those who contributed to the construction of Obsidian Orbital earlier this year.

We will continue to bring you up-to-the-minute reports on this issue.

## 21 DEC 3301 – The Canonn Supports Palin's Effort

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Professor Ishmael Palin has requested help in establishing a new research base on Maia b1ba in order to safely study the unknown artefacts. Dr Arcanonn, head of the Canonn Interstellar Research Group, has issued a statement regarding this endeavour:

"I cannot argue with the logic of establishing a research facility out in the Pleiades, next door to Merope, and I urge all Commanders to deliver as many Evacuation Shelters as they can to Nelson Works in Dahan to ensure this facility is completed."

"With the Canonn throwing its resources at this initiative, I will be contacting the professor personally to request laboratory space for my researchers so that we, too, can be involved once the base is established."

"Research into the UAs is not a side project for humanity - it is vital. Make sure you're one of those making a difference."

Commander Lord Zoltan

## 17 DEC 3301 – Faction Issues Festive Request

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Despite sharing a standard galactic calendar, most human societies prefer to mark the passage of days and years in relation to the stars of their home systems. But a large proportion of the galaxy's human population still observe some shared traditions, despite those traditions being rooted in the seasons of a planet many have never even visited. Of these, winter solstice festivals are perhaps the most prevalent.

This year, an organisation based in the Hel system is issuing a special appeal to commemorate the approaching winter solstice. The Hel Purple Energy Industry has issued a request for Crystalline Spheres – a commodity currently available only at Snow Moon in the Bento system. A spokesperson for the Hel Purple Energy Industry issued a brief statement:

"It might be an antiquated festival, but we believe the winter solstice is a great opportunity to unwind and spend some quality time with friends and family. And what better way to mark the occasion than to invite people to gather up snowballs – I mean, crystalline spheres – and haul them across the galaxy?"

The appeal begins today and is scheduled to run for one week.

## 17 DEC 3301 – Another Jeffress Treasure Hunt

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Eccentric billionaire Alfred Jeffress has made headlines in recent weeks with not one but two galaxy-wide treasure hunts, each of which saw the reclusive philanthropist give out enormous cash prizes. Now Jeffress has announced a third treasure hunt, and once again he has promised to reward the winner with a share of his vast personal fortune.

The event is expected to follow the same format as the previous two. A mystery object has been placed somewhere in space, and the first person to find and deliver it to a specified location will win the competition. As before, the hunt begins with a riddle, composed by Jeffress, which will lead participants to the mystery object:

"To win the prize, follow a story of kings, crowns and jewels, not tall tales told by fools. Your quest to restore the king's crown starts in the middle. Travel where all frequencies of light reside to start solving my riddle."

Jeffress has promised that this hunt will be the most challenging yet, having devised even more cryptic clues this time.

## 17 DEC 3301 – Fake Precious Gem Scam Revealed

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Word has reached this reporter of a massive fraud involving fake precious gems originating from the Prism system region over the past few hours. A security services spokesman admitted that they had been caught unawares of the scale of the problem and that thousands of these fakes had already been sold.

"We will hunt down the perpetrators of these crimes, who have cost the the regional economy millions of credits."

Efforts are now under way to locate the source of these convincing fakes and put an end to their trade. The spokesman promised that those identified as dealing in these items would be punished to the full extent of the law.

## 16 DEC 3301 – Federation Triumphs over Emperor's Dawn

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When an outpost belonging to the insurgent organisation Emperor's Dawn was discovered in the Federal system of Kausalya two weeks ago, Federal President Zachary Hudson's response was swift and unequivocal. Promising to "mete out such punishment that the very fires of hell will seem but guttering candles in comparison", Hudson promptly despatched a military fleet to Kausalya. Today, Admiral Kirby of the Federal Navy confirmed that the initiative to rout the dissidents had been an unmitigated success:

"They were defiant at first, but the battle started to go our way pretty quickly, and the past week has just been a mopping-up exercise, really. I think the Federal Navy Auxiliary made a big difference – when the insurgents saw how many independent pilots we had on our side, their morale took a big hit."

In a statement, Zachary Hudson exhibited his usual confidence:

"The insurgents' incursion into Kausalya was clearly the last gasp of a dying animal. They stood no chance against our fleet, and their outpost has been utterly destroyed. I predict this is the last we will see of Emperor's Dawn."

## 14 DEC 3301 – A Week in Powerplay: Corrections

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Gabriel Vox, chairman of the GalNet Board of Review, has released a statement in response to criticism of errors in recent GalNet publications:

"The GalNet periodical 'A Week in Powerplay' summarises weekly changes in political dynamics, economics, and various other situations in thousands of systems throughout inhabited space. With this task comes a high probability of clerical error. It is my dubious honour to correct some of these errors at this time."

"The summary of 22nd–28th October 3301 incorrectly stated that the Alliance forged no new trade agreements, when in fact an agreement with Kpaniya was finalized."

"The summary of 3rd–9th December 3301 failed to mention the trade agreement between the Alliance and 37 Librae."

"Princess Aisling Duval has erroneously been referred to as a 'senator' in several publications."

"Please be assured that we will redouble our efforts to ensure the facts represented in 'A Week in Powerplay' are reliable."

Commander Corrigendum

## 14 DEC 3301 – Technical Issues spread to Harma and Wolf 1301

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Authorities at Gabriel Enterprise in the Harma system have reported that the station is the latest to be affected by mystifying technical problems, following a raft of malfunctions and breakdowns throughout the starport. Meanwhile, personnel at Saunders's Dive in Wolf 1301 have released a similar statement, reporting extensive technical problems over the past 24 hours. A member of the technical team at Saunders's Dive said:

"It's the same story as at those other starports – system failures, blackouts, all that stuff. At this rate, half the starports in the galaxy are going to be out of order before long. Someone needs to figure out what the hell is going on, and fast!"

We will continue to bring you up-to-the-minute reports on this issue.

## 11 DEC 3301 – Explorer's Association "Delighted" with Response to Appeal

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The Explorer's Association has announced that its request for exploration data has been positively received by the galactic community. Over the past two weeks, the organisation has accepted a wealth of information on previously uncharted star systems, which it will now sell to various private clients. A spokesperson for the association issued a brief statement:

"We are delighted with the response to our appeal, and would like to thank all those who participated in the initiative. The significance of your contribution to our ever-increasing understanding of the galaxy cannot be overstated."

## 11 DEC 3301 – A Week in Powerplay

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Prime Minister Edmund Mahon finalized trade agreements with the HIP 80243 and Marralteki systems this week, defying economic downtrends seen elsewhere in populated space. Benanekpeno is the latest system to curry favour with the Alliance and attempt to join the list of preferred trade partners.

President Zachary Hudson did not establish any new bases this week, instead focussing his efforts on strengthening supply lines to existing bases in his jurisdiction. But the growing Federal fleet is seeking new berths in Dhanchu, HIP 44811, and Wolf 287. If these systems become fully operational Federal bases, President Hudson's domain will extend to 82 bases in total.

Emperor Arissa Lavigny-Duval's domain was relatively peaceful this week, as shield of Justice patrols kept her territory safe. The Emperor has a busy week ahead of her, as six new systems - Gitse, HIP 21991, LTT 1345, Mbutsi, Neites, and Paucates - have requested the protection of her fleets. If these systems join her cause, the Emperor will hold sway over 83 key systems by the end of the week.

Shadow President Felicia Winters witnessed a surge in opposition this week, but successfully thwarted the challenges with minimal effort. Codorain and Shenggan are currently accepting liberal aid packages, and will likely join the Shadow President's cause within the week.

Princess Aisling Duval's representatives concluded negotiations with the leaders of Woyo Mina and Kanuket without a consensus being reached. The two systems have formally withdrawn their support from the People's Princess, and the leaders of the Duryampas system have also told Aisling's representatives that they intend to withdraw their support.

Sirius Gov CEO Li Yong-Rui sold off assets in Tote, GCRV 2743, and NLTT 6655 this week, attempting to hedge against a potential galactic recession. Unfortunately, the economic situation has worsened, and the corporation is facing another week of potential losses. Li Yong-Rui is currently weighing options, and considering divesting additional systems.

Senator Denton Patreus's fleets countered a surge in enemy activity on the fringes of his territory, nearly setting a record for the distribution of garrison supplies. But despite these efforts, the system of Contiku was left open to attack, and was plunged into turmoil early Thursday morning.

Senator Zemina Torval's enterprises continue to struggle with the economic crisis, but the sale of Junga's infrastructure enabled Torval to balance her budget this week. With a galactic recession looming, it may become necessary for Torval to divest herself of additional systems to remain profitable.

Pirate Lord Archon Delaine was repulsed from the remote Alchera system this week, but several new Kumo-sponsored insurrections have emerged. Four Imperial systems – Inmutha, Itzamnets, Kenna and LTT 874 - have been targeted by the Kumo Crew, and with the Imperial Expeditionary Force still reeling from recent defeats, many question whether system defences will hold.

Simguru Pranav Antal was unsuccessful in opening new enclaves this week, although Utopia currently has the resources to bring several new systems into the fold. Utopian representatives are being sent far and wide in an attempt to extend Utopia's influence throughout inhabited space.

Commander Corrigendum

## 08 DEC 3301 – The Mischief Mile

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Racers and Fuel Rats have been gathering in the Tepech system for the latest Buckyball Racing Club event: The Mischief Mile.

The race will run from 00:01 GMT on the 5th of December until 23:59 GMT on the 13th of December, beginning at Hooke Hub in Tepech and finishing at Ocampo Station in Mirateje. Participants are required to travel the width of populated space as fast as possible, hitting checkpoints in Fuelum (home of the Fuel Rats Mischief), NLTT 48288 (the most popular place in the galaxy to run out of fuel) and MCC 811.

There are three classes, depending on the ship used in the race: Fuel Rat Regulars, Fuel Rat Crazies, and Bonus Snickers.

Commander Rusticolus

## 06 DEC 3301 – Gutamaya Shipyards Announces the Imperial Fighter

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In September, Gutamaya Shipyards released a new version of the enduringly popular Eagle. This month, the company has announced the launch of a new fighter designed specifically for the CQC Championship – the Imperial Fighter. Gutamaya has said that the small, manoeuvrable vessel will be ideally suited to close-quarters dogfights, and more than capable of going toe-to-toe with other CQC fighters.

As befits a ship created with the CQC Championship in mind, the Imperial Fighter offers a delicate balance of defence, firepower and manoeuvrability. The ship is more agile than the F63 Condor, which offers a similar spread of features, although it lacks the Condor's speed and hull strength. In terms of firepower, the Imperial Fighter matches the Condor with two small hardpoints.

The Imperial Fighter's specifications are not the only important factor, however. According the ship's designer, Pascal Roux, the vessel was created as a tribute to the late Emperor, Hengist Duval. In an interview with the Imperial Herald, Roux said: "What I admired most about the Emperor was his balance of elegance and strength, and the fighter represents my attempt to reflect those qualities."

The Imperial Fighter is due to be released for use in the CQC Championships in December, and will go on general sale in early 3302.

## 04 DEC 3301 – A Week in Powerplay

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Federal President Zachary Hudson resolved problems in his supply chain this week, and ensured the Federal Navy's bases received sufficient supplies. An increase in naval funding has also come through, which will soon allow the Federal Navy to establish a presence in new systems. The Emperor's Dawn cell discovered in Kausalya, less than 50 light years from Sol, will surely face heavy Federal opposition this week.

Alliance Prime Minister Edmund Mahon has calmed concerns about a potential collapse in financial markets that struck both Sirius Gov and Torval's enterprises. Though trade has been impacted, with no new trade agreements secured during the past week, the Alliance's economic future appears stable at this time.

Emperor Arissa Lavigny-Duval oversaw a tremendous fortification effort this week, protecting a substantial command capital reserve for future use. Shield of Justice patrols were not established in any new systems, but given the current surplus of resources, new systems will likely be able to subscribe to the security service in coming weeks.

Shadow President Felicia Winters had a relatively quiet week. A great deal of effort was poured into preparing the way for potential extensions of the Liberal party's holdings, and the Shadow President now looks to bring Kherthaje, HIP 47328, and Amuzgo into the Liberal fold.

Princess Aisling Duval is currently dealing with the potential withdrawal of support from Woyo Mina and Kanuket. Leaders in both systems have allegedly rejected the Princess's closely held values. It is unclear at this time whether Aisling will respond publicly to the news.

Sirius Gov CEO Li Yong-Rui led the corporation through what appeared to be a normal week, but difficulty in financial markets has led to a troubling deficit in Sirius's budget, causing three systems in the portfolio to fall into a state of turmoil. If Sirius is able to return to a state of solvency, the acquisition of Dheneb will go ahead as planned this week.

Senator Zemina Torval was similarly affected by financial trouble this week. The senator's enterprises have become heavily laden with systems that simply do not turn a profit. For Torval to succeed in the future, she will need to divest herself of many of these deficit-causing systems.

Pirate Lord Archon Delaine's horde overwhelmed the beleaguered defence forces in Dhak following the third attempt to conquer the system. The Kumo Crew appears to be gaining momentum and crushing Imperial opposition. It is believed that Archon Delaine now has a vast reserve of command capital, with which he could easily establish additional strongholds in weeks to come.

Senator Denton Patreus balanced his budget by a narrow margin, as opposition to his goals reached levels that have not been seen for over ten weeks. Despite this, fortifications held against incursions into the senator's territory, making further cutbacks unnecessary for the time being.

Simguru Pranav Antal led a monumental effort to extend Utopia this week, but this Utopian outreach was sharply opposed, sending one Utopian system into a state of turmoil. Contie, a system over 150 light years from Polevnic, and Medzistha, a system nearly 140 light years from Polevnic, are entertaining Utopian representatives this week.

Commander Corrigendum

## 04 DEC 3301 – The Canonn Calls for Halt to Artefact Sales

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The Voice of Varati today received a statement from Dr Arcanonn of the Canonn Interstellar Research Group:

"As news of further station malfunctions spreads, I urge all those who have been selling Unknown Artefacts to stop doing so immediately, to avoid any further station shutdowns."

"There is a strong positive correlation between the stations experiencing faults and the sale of UAs at those stations. Our own observations at Bond Hub in Varati support this: the artefacts appear to affect stations in the same way they affect ships, with potentially disastrous consequences."

"Given these findings, we are deeply troubled by the surge in value of UAs across the black market, which clearly led to this increase in sales. Who caused this increase? Did they know the effect it would have?"

Commander Lord Zoltan

## 03 DEC 3301 – Emperor's Dawn Base Discovered in Federation Space

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It has been over a month since the Empire won a decisive victory against the insurgent organisation Emperor's Dawn by destroying its outposts in the Namarii, Tabaldak and LTT 874 systems. The victory prompted Imperial Senator Denton Patreus to declare that "Emperor's Dawn is no longer a threat", but now it seems the organisation may merely have been driven underground.

According to the Federal Criminal Investigations agency, Emperor's Dawn has established a base in the Federation-controlled system of Kausalya – an announcement that is sure to dishearten Senator Patreus. The reason for the insurgents' infringement is not known, but military analysts have speculated that, given the system's proximity to Empire-controlled space, the insurrectionists may attempt to use Kausalya as a staging ground for attacks against the Empire. Zachary Hudson, the President of the Federation, was quick to respond to the news:

"Perhaps the terrorists think our distaste for the Empire is so great, we will tolerate their presence in our space. Perhaps they thought we simply wouldn't notice their incursion. In any case, they are wrong, and they have made a costly mistake. We will mete out such punishment that the very fires of hell will seem but guttering candles in comparison. Emperor's Dawn is about to learn what it means to cross the Federation."

President Hudson confirmed that he has authorised the payment of privateer bonds to pilots who help the Federation combat Emperor's Dawn. He concluded his address with the words: "Federation pilots – to your ships! We have work to do."

## 03 DEC 3301 – Explorer's Association Appeals for Exploration Data

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Every week, hundreds of pilots plunge into unexplored regions of space to gather valuable information on previously uncharted star systems. And with every expedition, our knowledge of the cosmos increases.

Few organisations have a better appreciation of the value of this information than the Explorer's Association, which today issued a public appeal for exploration data. A spokesperson for the association released a brief statement:

"There is always a demand for fresh data, both within the commercial sector and among the galaxy's various geopolitical entities. On this occasion, the request has been issued on behalf of several private concerns that are in need of accurate, up-to-date information. Any pilots who contribute to this initiative will be generously rewarded."

## 02 DEC 3301 – Appeal for Xihe Companions comes to an End

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The Revolutionary Noti Values Party has announced that its request for Xihe Companions has been successful. The organisation issued the appeal last week as part of an initiative to improve its so-called 'Master Chefs' – a special strain of slave labour specifically designed to serve as culinary workers. According to a spokesperson for the group, the Xihe Companions will be used to develop implants that will give the slaves access to every known recipe and culinary technique.

The creation of the Master Chefs has angered human-rights campaigners, which have accused the Revolutionary Noti Values Party of inhuman practices. The campaigners have cited a Federal Times report in which it was claimed that the slaves were subjected to "the most punishing, dehumanising training imaginable". The organisation was approached for comment, but responded only with an image of its shareholders laughing uproariously while drinking cocktails.

The Master Chefs will be available for purchase before the end of the year.