Attacking Natives

The **Attacking Natives** is a scene wherein natives attack the boat.

[Text.]

On the starboard side, there's a stretch of foliage. The Native Village scene has conditioned guests to expect all scenes to be on this side.

On the port side, [a certain number of] warriors kneel in the bushes. As the boat passes, they spring up, chanting war cries and brandishing spears. They wear plants as camouflage, which is juxtaposed by their colorful masks and spears.

As they begin their war cries, the third line of dialogue is, "I like disco!"

## Location

### **Magic Kingdom**

The scene takes place on the Nile, after the Native Village , but before the Back Side of Water.

## Spiel

### **Disneyland**

Watch those bushes on the right.  They sometimes ambush us here.  Look out on the left!  A native war party!

These tribesmen grow to a height of seven feet or more, and they have one aim in life:  to get a-head!

Those two trophies in the witch doctor's hut belonged to two of the nicest tourists who ever took a shortcut through the jungle.

### **Magic Kingdom**

#### **Misdirection**

Keep your eyes peeled. They like to attack from this hill on the right.

They always attack from the right.

* I meant *my* right. Whoops!
* Apparently they've learned to swim!
* Darn. I was hoping they'd get a few more of you guys. Oh, well.

If the natives decide to attack, they always attack from the right, every single time, without exception, so keep your eyes open. [The natives attack from the left.] I should've also mentioned how much they appreciate irony.

They always attack from the right. [The natives attack from the left. The skipper looks embarrassed, then addresses the natives.] Sorry about this. Hey! You guys are supposed to be over here on the right! How many times do we have to tell you?! Right side! Okay? And would it be too much to ask to maybe throw a couple of spears? [The skipper turns back to the audience.] Sorry, folks. It's their first day.

As we pass by the village, keep an eye out for am-bushes, and other dangerous plants.

Supposedly, there's a beautiful plant somewhere around here called an "am-bush." Does anyone see an am-bush? Maybe it's behind those natives, hiding in the bushes. Oh, well. Let's press on.

#### **Panicking**

It's an ambush! They're over on the left!

Everybody down! Everybody down!

* Don't worry about looking stupid; I'm doing it for you!
* [The skipper approximates a "whooshing" sound effect.] Those are spears, by the way.

Women and children, stand up! All the men, get down!

Kids, stand up! You're smaller targets!

Those natives have only one aim in life: to get a-head!

Hey, wait, guys, no! Don't attack us! Look, there are kids in here! Little kids! Ucka mucka lucka! Unga bunga!

#### **Under-reacting**

[The skipper pretends to communicate with the natives.] Ukka mucka lucka. Kahuna nui nui! [The skipper turns to the audience.] It's a good thing I speak their language. [The skipper indicates a specific guest.] They'd like to trade you for three coconuts. I know, that's awful, right? You're worth at least four!

Everyone, look out! They're attacking! [The skipper scolds the natives.] What's wrong with you guys?!

* It's me! It's not supposed to be *my* boat; it's the boat behind us! [Just before the natives lower:] Just get down. They'll be here soon. I won't say a word.
* I thought we went over this! You're supposed to *throw* the spears! And what are you wearing?! That looks like a dress! Do these passengers look scared to you?! Ugh. Just forget it.

#### **Spears**

If you get hit with a spear, pull it out and throw it back!

* Quid pro quo!
* We're not allowed to keep souvenirs!
* I don't want you to get stuck with it!

#### ***Jingle Cruise***

*Main article: Jingle Cruise*

An ambush?! Calm down, fellas!

* I delivered your presents this morning! Just look; they're down by your feet!
* After all, he sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good, so be good, for goodness' sake!
* You've gotta let it go! It'll be back in less than a year! [The natives lower. The skipper turns to the audience to explain.] They're really into Halloween.
* I've heard of the War on Christmas, but this is ridiculous!

Oh, no! Christmas carolers! Lock the doors, close the windows, shut the curtains, turn off the lights,we're not home!

They're just angry because they got socks for Christmas.

Oh, no! It's the Ghosts of Christmas Past! Watch out for their spears; they hurt like the Dickens!