First Kiss

Written by
 Directed by

**First Kiss** is the eleventh episode of the first season of An Average Cartoon.

## Summary

Dylan is determined to kiss Edna at a Christmas party.

## Characters

* Dylan
* Edna
* Jim
* Alex
* Kyle
* John
* Janitor
* The Emperor

## Transcript

Jim: Hey guys!

Alex: Hey Jim.

Jim: You wanna come to my mom’s birthday party tonight?

Alex: Really?

Kyle: It might be awkward, ever since your mom’s been home, hasn’t she turned into her old self again?

Jim: Ugh. Look, I just think that Dylan should finally have a chance with her.

(Dylan is watching them with security cameras, then gasps and enters their room)

Dylan: Yes! I will do it!

Kyle: I’m out.

Alex: I’m in.

Dylan: Thanks!

Jim: But seriously, it is her birthday.

(Cut to that night, Dylan is crying in his office)

Dylan: I can’t do it! I can’t kiss her!

(Alex walks in)

Alex: What’s wrong, Dylan?

Dylan: I’m never gonna be able to kiss Edna!

Alex: Hmm, just be calm. Be energetic. Be - Be you.

Dylan: Really?

Alex: Yep. But first, you’re gonna want to get rid of that beard.

Dylan: No way. This beard is my life.

Alex: Dude, just get rid of it!

Dylan: Fun fact - I have never shaved in my life and never plan on doing it.

(Alex pulls his beard off, shockingly, underneath, is an even longer beard)

Alex: What the heck is this?

Dylan: I knew I couldn’t trust you.

Alex: No, you can trust me!

Dylan: Fine. Just help me out with Edna.

Alex: Way ahead of you, she’s here.

(Alex brings in Edna)

Edna: Hey Dylan.

Dylan: Edna! Hi! How are you?

Edna: I’m fine.

Dylan: Will you be my girlfriend?

Edna: Yes! (the two kiss)

(Dylan is then soaked with water, Dylan was daydreaming)

Alex: Dylan? Are you okay?

Jim: You’re acting weird!

Dylan: Ugh-yeah.

Alex: Wait-show me your teeth.

(Dylan does so)

Alex: Ugh. Yeah, you’re gonna need to brush them.

(1 Hour Later)

(One Thing by Finger Eleven plays)

Alex: Good luck, man!

(Dylan walks into the house, the episode is in slow-motion for awhile)

(Dylan walks slowly into the lounge)

(Dylan trips over a table and injures himself)

(Dylan is rushed into an ambulance)

(the episode is back in its normal speed)

Doctor: Oh no.

(Music Ends)

Doctor: I’m sorry, but your friend, Dylan Grutling, has died.

John: Dylan, I’m sorry.

Jim: I organized that whole party just so that they could kiss-and now. (he sighs, then teleports)

(Jim is in the ‘Dungeon of the Dead’)

Jim: Ugh! Where am I? (he sees a janitor) Excuse me, sir! Where am I?

Janitor: You’re in the Dungeon of the Dead, welcome!

Jim: The Dungeon of the Dead, what’s that?

Janitor: Ask the Emperor.

Jim: Who’s the Empe-

(Jim notices that the janitor has gone)

Jim: -ror.

Emperor: Welcome “James Lorenz”. You are in “The Dungeon of the Dead”.

Jim: Yes, I know. Why am I here?

Emperor: Ask yourself, who died recently?

Jim: That’s easy, it was - Huh? I don’t know.

Emperor: Dylan Grutling. Human. Bipolar. Had a crush on your mother.

Jim: Doesn’t ring a bell.

Emperor: Well, obviously. Whenever somebody enters the Dungeon of the Dead, they forget who it is that they are looking for.

Jim: Is this ‘Dylan Grütland’ here?

Emperor: (gets out of chair, puts hand against Jim’s throat) Take back what you just said!

Jim: What? Is - (Emperor nods) This - Dylan - Grütland - (The Emperor slams Jim against the ground) Ugh. I can see why I don’t like wrestling anymore.

Emperor: Do you know what ‘Grütland’ is?

Jim: No.

Emperor: Let me explain. In 1939, once the second world war started. A small area of Russia was departed from the motherland, and given its own name of “Grütland”, its people were “Grütish”. Little did anybody know, the reason Grütland became a thing was so that a small society wouldn’t have to be involved with the war, and so that they could plan a bigger attack on the whole planet. They were going to wait until 1985, on July 25, at midday. That’s when they were going to begin World War III, the ultimate attack on the world. Luckily, the Russian government found out about this in 1984, and killed all Grütish people and declared Grütland as a part of Russia once again. Unfortunately, Russia didn’t know that Grütish people had clones. Intelligent Clones which transported to Pluto, then made it the new Grütland, creating intelligent-alien beings, preparing to destroy the Earth. Luckily, we don’t think their technology is advanced enough to travel back here. But ours is. So, look, Jim. Will you take on the risk and fly to Grütland to kill the Grütish people?

Jim: No! (he breaks free and runs) I shouldn’t be here!

(he looks for Dylan)

Jim: D-D-D-Davidson, Davies, hold on. This are in alphabetical order of last name! His last name isn’t Grütland, obviously, it’s Grrrrr-utling! (he finds G) G-G-G-Griffiths, Grutling! Wait, that’s Thomas Grutling! There’s no Dylan Grutling!

Voice from Inside Thomas’s room: Dylan Grutling! That’s a name I haven’t heard in awhile!

(Jim enters Thomas’s room, Thomas is revealed to be Dylan)

Dylan: Are you-Jim?

Jim: Dylan!?

Dylan: Yep, it’s me! My name is Thomas! Dylan was just my nickname!

Jim: Why?

Dylan: It’s my middle-name.

Jim: Oh. Well, come back!

Dylan: I’d love to, but I can’t! I’m stuck here!

Jim: No, just speak with the Emperor!

(cut to the Emperor)

Emperor: Ahh, yes. TDG. I will allow you to come home, under one condition, Jim! You do that thing I asked of you earlier.

Jim: (gulps) Sure.

Emperor: You may go home!

(Dylan and Jim teleport back into the hospital)

Alex: Where did you go?

Jim: To save Tho-I mean Dylan!

(Dylan wakes up)

Dylan: Thanks Jim!

(Edna comes in)

Edna: Dylan! Are you okay?

Dylan: Ugh-uhhhhh.

Alex: Edna! Where did you come from?

Jim: I keep things prepared.

Edna: I hope you’re alright! (she kisses Dylan)

(Dylan’s eyes inflate)

(Ho Hey by The Lumineers plays as pictures of Dylan and Edna show)

(The End)

## Trivia

* Dylan's name is revealed to be "Thomas", not "Dylan".