Why are some people happy being alone?

*The bottom line is, it's the same answer Abraham gives for every change we desire. You have to believe it before you can live it. -- serenity2000*

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## Thread Transcript Page 1

**LKG**

We are all encouraged to get in The Vortex (feel good) but I feel better alone so is it necessary for me to have relationships, that are often painful anyway! Is it ever abnormal to always want to be alone?

Can this be the normal behaviour of your InnerBeing? As in could it be that your IB wants to be alone so that is why a person would be comfortable this way. Are my lack of good relationships with other people a reflection of a poor relationship I have with my IB?

I think I have enough self esteem unless it is so low and has been for so long that I haven't noticed, and I do have a close family but no real friends or relationships with men.

I often think about having better/more relationships e.g. with a man, and friends. So if you aren’t a bad person why would nobody decent be attracted to you e.g. like attracts like.

Or am I doing something (many things) with regards to LoA that is pushing people away and if so how could I correct this problem? I've been this way pretty much from birth so I can't say I was one way then things changed dramatically because something bad happened.

Thanks,

Lisa G.

**susu**

Your first false premise is that relationships are painful. Its no wonder you are happier alone.

This first false premise is piling on so many other false premises and even fears that you simply can not dig out from under it with logic.

Your lack of relationships simply comes from your belief that relationships are painful. You have gotten pretty good pushing down any bad feelings and slapping a happy face sticker over it. So to your present point of view there is no real pain.

Yet you seemed concerned enough to write about it and I would venture to guess you really DO want a close relationship.

It wont be worth your time trying to sort it all out with logic though. Trying to "fix" your point of view will just bring more confusion.

I would simply start with seeing all the evidence in the world that relationships are a good thing and appreciate every evidence you see of people truly being happy together and able to be loving and supportive without pain.

Start with the "lets fall in love" thread. Start by looking at couples in public holding hands, smiling at one another and enjoying each others company. Look at all the evidence that there are happy couples! Read the announcement sections of the paper and appreciate and love the anniversary announcements! Look for pictures and stories of Ester and Jerry Hicks and appreciate the bond they share!

Most of all stop looking for evidence that relationships are painful and dysfunctional. Stop reading articles about it. Stop judging couples when you see them argue, are not holding hands or otherwise appearing to not be loving. Just dont judge them!

Focus on the couples that ARE happy and loving! They are everywhere but your attention is on the other kind. You cant see the good stuff if you look at the other.

Spend a whole day looking for evidence of real love and appreciating all of it! Then do it again the next day and the next....fill yourself with evidence of real love. Its everywhere!

**chillinjoan**

I have been married most of my life except the last 9yrs. I have 2 Sisters that didn't marry till their late 30's and 40's. I cannot ever re-call them saying they were lonely. I too, am not lonely for a mate.

susu got 'you' though, false premise all over the place here. When you are alone, are you in the Vortex? What are your emotions at time. Or are you protecting yourself from the outside world from hurting you? I don't know, I'm asking.

**LKG**

I guess because I'm 31 and I haven't met anybody remotely that I'd get involved with and I don't know why I'm different to everybody else. Other parts of my life are okay except for this. I just don't seem to click with people. Not that it bothers me greatly as I'd be a raving lunatic otherwise, but it does say concern me as I thought that at some point I'd meet somebody like everybody else but still haven't. It amazes me how people can move from one relationship to another so easily! Whereas I'd find it really difficult.

**Sunshine24**

> Start with the "lets fall in love" thread. Start by looking at couples in public holding hands, smiling at one another and enjoying each others company. Look at all the evidence that there are happy couples! Read the announcement sections of the paper and appreciate and love the anniversary announcements! Look for pictures and stories of Ester and Jerry Hicks and appreciate the bond they share!
>
>

I actually love this idea, susu!! Maybe I'll start this thread myself

I think recently I was too much focused looking at break-ups and things going wrong in someone's relationship. This is not helping to my relationship.... I think all this negativity started to project on me and spoil what seemed to be so good before.

**susu**

> Originally Posted by **LKG**
> I guess because I'm 31 and I haven't met anybody remotely that I'd get involved with and I don't know why I'm different to everybody else. Other parts of my life are okay except for this. I just don't seem to click with people. Not that it bothers me greatly as I'd be a raving lunatic otherwise, but it does say concern me as I thought that at some point I'd meet somebody like everybody else but still haven't. It amazes me how people can move from one relationship to another so easily! Whereas I'd find it really difficult.
>
>

All that stuff in red are just more false premises. When you think of yourself as different you can not see the similarities.

Dont look for evidence that you are clicking with others - look for evidence that they are clicking with YOU. It does not matter if they see it or not, because until you acknowledge it for yourself your vibration will always be contrary to what you want! Dont worry if others like YOU - just worry about if you like them!

Everyone worries if others like them or not, thats how similar you are to everyone else. So everyone sits around worrying if others like them and are afraid to make a move in case they are rejected. But when you focus on whether or not you like THEM, you stop focusing on their standards and focus on your own. You will feel that click because it is only dependent on YOU and not them.

The last one - people dont find it easy at move from one relationship to the other at all. I mention this because your false premises only serve to hold you apart from all the ways you really are just like everyone else.

But seeing relationships as a great revolving door may be setting you up to seeing what you dont want. It wont serve you to contemplate the permanence or impermanence of relationships either way. What will serve you best is to simply see the evidence of HAPPINESS in relationships. (moderator Marc set me straight on that one and I have never forgotten it!) When you focus on the duration of a relationship, yours or others, you cant help but dig the hole into the whys or why nots of the thing. But that is not putting attention on what matters - the HAPPINESS. The Joy.

**WellBeing**

As I read your post, Lisa, I see 2 things going on here. One of which susu addressed with some great advice. The other is your attention to "other people" and their vibration.

What other people do or have or think or feel have nothing to do with you, unless you use that as an excuse...or a source of inspiration. It's all about **your** vibration (and susu has talked about that), not theirs. In fact, in your follow-up post, you even mention how what some "others" are vibrating, you wouldn't want. So, as Abe tell us, "take them out of the equation."

You are a powerful Creator--like Da Vinci or Michelangelo. And, like them, you create your own masterpieces, your own way in this world. They didn't create their masterpieces by caring what "others" did, nor should you.

I have a fortune cookie fortune that I've kept for many years which reads "Be yourself; no one can tell you you're doing it wrong."

Paul.

**chillinjoan**

Be Yourself, nobody else can. Then you will attract a vibrational match. Are you a match to the type of guy you want?

**LKG**

I think the answer is maybe I'm not a vibrational match as I wouldn't have attracted what I have so far but that suggests if I'm being myself and I'm not getting what I want then I have to change, and change a lot. There are obvious things I'd prefer in a man and I always thought I wanted in them what I see in myself (like attracts like) but maybe I'm wrong as I would have met him by now! If that makes sense.

**Maitri**

Right now, you are happier alone because it feels better compared to your current beliefs about relationships. However, it does not feel better compared to how your inner being feels about relationships, which is why you are moved to ask how you can "correct this problem".

The Source within you does not see "lack of good relationships, nobody decent, painful", and so on, because Source is aware of the magnificence of all beings and the multitudes of wonderful people passing through your potential experience at every moment. There is no lack. So what you can do is reach for vibrational relativity between your thoughts and Source. "I would certainly enjoy having a good relationship with a man. Wouldn't it be nice to have friends who are close to me? I know it is possible because I see all this evidence around me." Simply find statements that feel neutral or slightly better to begin closing the gap.

I have felt the same way all my life. I have always thought to myself that I had good self-esteem, I was a person worth appreciating, I was smart, had a good heart, etc. But right now, I'm in the process of discovering that the very cells of my body are demonstrating the exact opposite. The way I hold my body is tentative and doubtful. My voice comes out low, quiet, and shaky, saying "please don't pay any attention to me." My chronic thoughts caused me to vibrationally, physically, and vocally request no attention and no closeness for fear of the pain that would inevitably result. I am only just now allowing to the surface the feelings and emotions that cause this.

We humans are very good at tricking ourselves - but if it's in your reality, it's where you're vibrating, period. And like attracts like does not mean that you must be a bad person if you're attracting bad people. It just means that if you believe that closeness causes pain, you're focused on pain and will find it. If you believe that nobody decent is attracted to you, you're focused on a lack of decency and will find it. And being in the vortex means that you understand and honor the qualities that make you happy, look for every reason you can find to appreciate them all around you, and learn to have full trust that what you experience is based only on your expectation and your level of allowing. Meanwhile, explore the thoughts you hold that create resistance and be willing to gradually look deeper and deeper to find their roots.

It's a process, that's for sure. On principle, it's quite simple - change your chronic thoughts and your experience will change. The challenge lies in discovering all the chronic thoughts that we so masterfully tuck away in our bodies and minds.

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