War of April (writing)

A story detailing the events of the war from the point of view of Abc.

Day 1

Another lovely morning as president of the largest country in Candelia began at 6 AM from another annoying dream, as usual. I sat up, stretching by just about breaking my back, twisting myself with the help of my bedpost. Hey, I dunno how I do it without dying either. I stood up, walking blindly across the room, over dirty clothes and whatever else was scattered across the floor. As usual, I flipped the light switch on, illuminating my overly feminine room with yellow light. I’d change it to be more my own style, but it’d be a bit odd waking up in a different room than what I’m used to. I shoved the sliding mirror-door of my closet aside, revealing my random assortment of shirts, dresses, and a pair of dress pants that needed to be hung rather than folded to keep it neat. I grabbed my usual white button up shirt and my black dress pants, shoved the mirror-door back over, and pulled my red tie out of the top drawer. Trying to avoid spacing out and wasting about an hour of time doing nothing as I tend to when I’m getting dressed in the morning, I began taking off my leggings and “THE ORIGINAL” shirt. I consistently reminded myself not to get sidetracked as I put on my shirt, pants, and tie. Finally finished, I stepped out of my room. Fuck. Shoes, that’s what I’m forgetting. I dashed back in my room, grabbing socks and shoes, shoving them onto my feet haphazardly. There, now I’m sure I’m not forgetting anything. Well, dress-wise at least. Other than that one thing I forgot to put on, yeah. I forced myself not to turn around and finish that, instead heading down the hall, into my office. I smiled. Every time I remember I’m president I feel so excited. Like, man, I’m president! Then, my smile faded as I noticed an envelope resting on my desk. The Beelzenian crest was pressed into the weird material holding the envelope closed. The hell they want? ....Maybe something about the wedding? I opened it, pulling out the yellow tinted paper. I muttered what I read from the paper out loud,

“Our great country of Beelzenia hereby

declares war on the Galactic States in

revenge against President Abc

mocking Master Conchita’s servant,

Arte, due to her height. The war will

be known as the War of April (or the

War of April First) due to beginning on

the first of April. It is planned to last

only one day, but may continue further

into April.

Fight as you may, and may the best

country win.”

....Since when was mocking for height a war crime?? Suddenly it hit me, it specified April 1st, meaning it’s probably an April Fool’s Day prank! ...But there’s no “April Fools,” and it was signed with the Beelzenian crest.... Unsure what to do, I called the only person I knew to.

“Good morning?”

“Rilliane! I swear to god, you’ll never guess what happened!”

“Hm, I suppose you’re right; what happened?”

“I think Beelzenia’s try’n’a prank me, but they’re bein’ really fuckin’ weird about it!”

“...Please elaborate.”

“They’re declaring war be—“

“—War?!”

“...cause I mocked Arte for being short, yes.”

“I’ll call them. I’ll ask them if it’s indeed a prank or a simple coincidence.”

“.......alrighty, have fun with tha—“

She hung up. I reread the letter, slowly beginning to smile at it. We’re... at war..? Aha.... we’re... at war! God, this’ll be so much fun! The phone rang.

“Helloooo—!”

“—WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST ASK ME YOURSELF? NO NEED TO FORCE YOUR GIRLFRIEND TO CALL ME FOR YOU, IDIOT!”

“........so what’s the answer..?”

“YES WE’RE AT WAR, AND WE’RE SURE AS HELL GONNA WIN.”

“Arte, the letter says the best country will win, s—“

And she hung up, too, so I called Rilliane with a request.

“Hello?”

“Yo, you should probably head over here so we can strategize.”

“What exactly do you mean?”

“I mean you’re my closest ally, and you’re fighting this war with me, so we gotta strategize.”

“Ah, yes, I’ll be o—“

I hung up on her! Yeah, good, now I’m not being hung up on! Can’t hang up on me if I hang up on you first!