Chapter Twelve

## Scoping the Sandy Scourge

* **Bongo and the Barkley, Shut Up and Jam!s awake from a restful sleep at the dirt-poor tavern in Miraj.**
* **Feeling fresh and spry, Bongo prepares his urban development project in order to help the poor town. First order of business is to construct a town hall where proper democracy can be performed.**
* **But the bois decide that urban development can wait, they have a mission to do! They ask around the greasy, crowded tavern for information regarding the scourge and the such. “Let’s try an’ keep a low profile, eh bois?” Kaw grunts before wandering off. The group split up to ask around, and whilst off on his own, Skimp spotted someone he thought was vaguely familiar…**
* **He approaches a few people sitting in a corner booth; one is a human woman he recognized as Renee, (an old, close friend of his, whom he’d met long ago in Baronel). What’s she doing all the way here, in Phylum? Skimp wonders, striding over to the booth, hoping to catch up with her. Renee was joined by two tough-looking men. “Hey Renee.” Skimp said, trying to be casual, but coming off as very awkward, for Renee was quite beautiful, and the rogue was somewhat self-conscious of his scarred appearance and rough clothing, as well as his pink war-paint.**
* **“Who the Hell are you?” the huge goon sitting next to Renee yelled. “Are you talking to my wife, ratboy?” this man was Renee’s brutish husband named Chuck.**
* **“Wha…! No no no! I-I-I-I just… uh… I just like her…” Skimp flustered, gritting his sharp teeth in a scowl, his face blushing dark red. Chuck arose from his seat and, without warning, punched the rat in the stomach launching him halfway across the tavern. This blow caught the rogue completely off-guard, who shouted in pain. Spitting blood out of the side of his mouth, Skimp rose to his feet shakily. “You’re gonna regret that,” the rat hissed. His keen rapier was drawn halfway out of its scabbard, when Chuck and the other guy sitting with him sprang upon him. With their superior size, the two human men pinned Skimp to the tavern floor and began beating Skimp senseless, as the slimy customers in the tavern cheered and sloshed their mugs of mead. “Stop it!” Renee shrieked, trying to rip her boyfriend and the other goon off the pinned ratfolk.**
* **Bongo, Thgil,  Kawkrookitar, Aigee-Gorg, and James elbowed their way through the crowds towards their fallen companion. “So much for keepin’ a low profile,” Kaw muttered.**
* **“Oi!” James hollars in her signature cockney accent, as she approaches the bloody fight. She grabs Chuck’s shoulder, “You better stop this!”**
* **“Fuck you, punk!” Chuck yelled straight into the monk’s face, completely unaware that he was messing with the one and only James Hurley. The pandafolk swiftly and calmly thrust her honey-gloved fist right into Chuck’s face, knocking him to the floor, shattering his jaw and smashing his skull to pieces, dealing 1,000,000,000 non-lethal damage, along with 9,001pride damage.**
* **The tavern went utterly silent. All eyes were upon the mighty monk woman, who could seemingly defeat any opponent with only a single punch.**
* **The Chuck’s friend was still on the floor, pounding Skimp’s skull into the wooden floor as Renee continued to scream. “Oi!” James cried, right before completely destroying the goon with one punch of her honey-glove. She picked Skimp up off of the floor as if he was weightless, brushing the dust off his shoulders and offering him a healing potion for his wounds.**
* **Renee yelled in horror as her boyfriend convulsed madly on the floor, barely clinging to life, blood seeping out of his mouth, his nose, his ears, and his eyes. “Renee,” Skimp began softly, but the human woman screamed hysterically, “Stay away from me! You’re nothing but trouble!” The rogue stumbled back, stunned, his heart broken. He clenched his hands into tight fists and uttered a long, tired sigh. “Alright! Someone’s gonna wanna call the guards. These guys are hurt real bad!” Skimp announced to the shocked tavern. He turned to his companion, James Hurley, “Thanks.” he said. “For saving me.”**
* **After that whole debacle, the bois ask around for information about the scourge. They learn that nobody really has any idea where the scourge came from, or how it can be stopped; all they know is that it is extremely deadly, and quickly spreading. The bois gather the information that a certain band of people are able to survive the scourge. These folk are nasty, merciless raiders known as the Scourge Striders, and according to the townsfolk, they are immensely powerful and cannot be beaten. “You might be agents of the Ishandryian Empire,” one old fellow told them, “but you stand no chance against the Scourge Striders. They’re monsters.”**
* **Asking around some more, Bongo and the Bearclaws learn that the Scourge Striders occasionally ride fearlessly into town and pillage all that they see, killing and kidnapping the poor citizens of Miraj; and these raiders use giant maggots to seemingly swim in the searing sand, avoiding the scourge by burrowing into the ground beneath it. Bongo vows to use his impressive HANDLE ANIMAL skills to wrangle up one of these slimy maggots.**
* **Having gathered all the information they can from the townsfolk, the heroes take their seats at the bar and begin questioning the bartender.**
* **James Hurley recounts the years spent in living in Tibet, where she had been taught numerous deductive skills by her sensei, the great detective Mr. Jackpots, a.k.a Dougie Jones a.k.a Dale Cooper a.k.a COOP. She uses these skills to squeeze all the information she can out of the scrappy man tending the bar. After a vigorous interrogation session, James and the rest of the gang learn the location of the old, psychic man upon the mountain, whom Telvar tasked them with finding.**
* **Telvar predicted that this mountain man was the only person capable of reading the mind of a brain jacker, and thus, aiding in the fight against the Itholid uprising in the Zorendal Empire. And after further thinking, The Old Man On The Mountain may also have the ability to combat the scourge.**
* **Bongo and the Baseballs head out of the tavern, on their way to  this all-powerful mountain man. Outside of the tavern, the bois spot a homeless dwarf slouching against a wall, begging for spare change. The bois flip him some gold coins. The homeless dwarf stares in awe up at the generous heroes, before thanking them profusely. “DANCE FOR US, WIMP!” Kaw roars at the dwarf, who starts dancing majestically in the sandy street as the Bois shower him with more gold.**
* **But suddenly Bongo spots a wild pig running amok the rubble of the town. With great haste, Bongo captures and slays the swine. With his mechanical eye’s newest ability, Bongo cooks the pig with a heat ray. The goliath gives the whole roasted pig to the homeless guy. “Oh thank you! Oh thank you!” the bloke cried with tears of joy as he ran off to share the gold and the pig with his family.**
* **“Don’t spend it all in one place!” Kaw cried out, chuckling mirthlessly.**
* **As the Bois loiter on the street corner, pondering the information they’d gathered about the scourge, suddenly a car pulled up beside them, with a man driving and a woman (presumably his wife) in the passenger seat. No one is particularly surprised by the appearance of the automobile, despite the fact that the most advanced form of travel in Soresia is sailing. James Hurley meanders over to the vehicle and beckons the driver to roll his window down. With the window down, James leans her head in, holds out her cigarette and asks the couple, “Gotta light? ...Gotta light? ...Gotta light?”**
* **The rest of the bois begin crowding around the car silently, like a horde of filthy, bearded woodsmen .**
* **“Gotta light? ...Gotta light?” James continues, as the woman in the passenger seat starts to scream in terror as she sees the faces of a burly goliath, a loathsome rat, a slimy goo-thing, and a decrepit birdman creeping at her through the windshield.**
* **“GOTTA LIGHT?” James asks one last time before the driver realizes the horrific danger he is in and drives off, nearly knocking the bois over. They chuckle hoarsely, watching the car speed away, vanishing back into the scourge.**
* **With that ordeal out of the way, Bongo and the Bricklayers head off to the elderly male located atop the large hill in the distance.**
* **The gang arrives at the mountain. But, would you look at that! The mountain is surrounded by a large lake of clear, cold water. Seeing this vast quantity of fresh dihydrogen monoxide, the bois get the bright idea to collect as much water as they can and take it back to Miraj in the hopes that the dying town will be rejuvenated.**
* **James dips her bag of holding into the lake and collects as much water as her bag will allow. With 500 pounds of freshwater, the bois head back to Miraj. Upon arriving back at the decrepit wasteland of a town that is Miraj, the bois head to the center of town and called to all that could hear!**
* **“Attention attention! Citizens of Miraj, gather ‘round! Everyone grab a shovel and get diggin!” Bongo cried, “We’re makin’ an easily-obtainable, full-public-access water supply! We just need some workers to dig.”**
* **The citizens of Miraj gathered ‘round and listened to the bois’ speech. However they are not nearly as enthusiastic as Bongo and the Bumblebees are. They whined and complained and outright refused to dig. Kaw has an unpleasant flashback of a whiny child he met long ago, back when he was still a drifter. This child was known as Dudley Dursely, and was the whiniest person Kaw had ever met. He still to this day awoke from nightmares, in which Dudley poked his skinny crow-body with his smelting stick, leaving massive bruises.**
* **“Look here fools,” Skimp began, “We will pay you to dig a hole! So get to it!” this statement got the attention of a few citizens, but most of them still refused, stating that they didn’t want to waste time digging a big hole in the ground that would almost immediately be filled up by sand again.**
* **“YOU IDIOTS. WHY WOULD YOU NOT WANT TO DIG? WE ARE PAYING YOU. THIS IS HOW YOU STIMULATE THE ECONOMY! NOW GRAB A DANG SHOVEL AND GET TO DIGGIN’!” Skimp screamed to the surrounding townspeople, backhanding a few of the children standing in the crowd to get his point across.**
* **This fierce statement by the ratboy was enough to finally convince the stupid people of Miraj to get to work. Kaw grabs one of the shovels and stuffs it into his ol’ bindle, thinking that it might come in handy later.**
* **With the citizens of Miraj workin’ hard, the bois head back to the mountain to finally talk to this Vulkyn character. It is a long, tiresome journey up the side of the mountain, but the heroes eventually reach a gigantic, magnificent temple of stone, seemingly empty. “Anybody home?” Bongo calls into the temple, but is only answered by his own echoing voice. “Well, we’ve found the mountain,” the goliath ponders, “...but where’s the old man?”**
* **The bois wander around the temple a bit, all the while feeling as though they’re being watched. Faintly, the bois can hear Vulkyn's Song of Playtime . “What’s all that racket?” Skimp wonders, readying his rapier in anticipation of an attack. The Song Of Playtime grows louder and louder, as something is drawing closer to the heroes’ position. “Hey! Somethin’s comin’ this way!” Kaw screeched, pointing down one of the temple’s large halls, where the music was coming from. Everybody prepared themselves to fight whatever threat was approaching.**
* **From the hall emerged a scrawny, long-haired, bearded, ancient-looking man dressed in fancy robes, wearing a wrinkled, joyous grin. The Song of Playtime seemed to emanate from his very being. He was levitating several feet off the ground, grinning down at the Bois. “Oh hello there!” he said gleefully. “I don’t get guests up here very often. Would you young, strapping lads care to join me for my daily play time???” “Play time?” asks Aigee. “Sounds like fun!” “Uuuugh, we don’t exactly have time to play,” said Bongo, visibly creeped out by the levitating geezer. “Are you The Old Man On The Mountain? The psychic known as Vulkyn?”**
* **“That’s me!” says the happy ol’ man. “Who’re you? And why have you climbed to the top of my beloved mountain?”**
* **The main speakers of the group explained to The Old Man about the Itholid Uprising in the Zorendal Empire, and how they required his assistance in reading the mind of a brain jacker, a task that Telvar is unable to complete on his own. “Oh, so you’ve come to seek my help, hm?” Vulkyn asks. “That’s right,” said Skimp, “will you help us?” The Old Man thought for a moment, then said, “Why should I? You’ve done nothing for me, so why should I simply drop everything I’m doing and help you? If you want my help, you bois will have to earn it!”**
* **The Bois collectively sigh and face-palm.**
* **“You see those clouds of scourge down there, slowly devouring Phylum, my home?” Vulkyn asks them, gesturing at the scourge-shrouded land below. “Stop the scourge, and I shall help you with this whole Itholid Uprising thing. Simple as that. You should be able to complete this task in only a few sessions.” Bongo asks, “Sessions? What do you mean, session?” But the Old Man only giggled and told him, “Oh, nevermind. If I told you, the knowledge would slowly drive you insane!” the bois took his word for it, for this seemed like the kind of guy who had been slowly driven insane.**
* **“Well, how do we stop the scourge?” Bongo asked.**
* **“How should I know?” Vulkyn replied, absentmindedly twiddling his fingers, “If I did know, I would have gotten rid of it ages ago.” he rolled his eyes.**
* **“Hey!” Aigee burst out with a snap of his fingers, “Make me smart again!”**
* **“Pardon?” the faffled old man asked.**
* **“I got brainjacked! Now my intelligence is not good! Exclamation mark exclamation mark!!”**
* **“Oh, yes, I can see that.” Vulkyn simply snapped his fingers and like that, Aigee was reunited with his smarter half, Gorg. “There you are, little… little goo... thing. Now go stop the bloody scourge!” he gestured the bois away.**
* **“One more thing,” Skimp hissed at the ancient psychic. The ratfolk gestured at the hot pink warpaint covering the side of his face. “Can you do something about this?” Skimp asks. Vulkyn strokes his long beard for a moment, then snaps his fingers. Rather than remove the paint from Skimp’s face, the psychic merely changed its color from hot pink to dark crimson. “There you are,” the Old Man chuckled. Skimp was about to say thanks, but then, without warning, Vulkyn snapped his fingers again and Skimp’s entire body was suddenly coated with powdery ash. This ash could not be washed off, and for the rest of his days, everywhere the ratfolk went he would leave ash footprints behind, the chances of him ever being sneaky again are zero.**
* **“Uuuuh,” Skimp said, looking down at his ashy form.**
* **Vulkyn shooed the Bois away, chirping, “Away with you! Begone!”**
* **Exchanging skeptical looks, the pathfinders descended the mountain and began the trek back to Miraj, thinking to themselves, Is he actually the old man Telvar wanted us to find? And if so, how do we stop this scourge business?**
* **Night was just settling over Phylum, when the party returned to Miraj. When they reached the town, they were shocked to find the place engulfed by a ferocious sand storm. All the progress the diggers had made that day on the water hole was destroyed by the sand. “Ugh, I hate sand!” exclaimed Bongo, his hands clutching the hilt of Wound tightly, his face going beet red. “It’s rough, coarse, and it gets EVERYWHERE!!!” The rest of the bois agreed, shielding their eyes and mouths from the sheets of sand being thrown into their faces by the relentless wind. Miraj appeared to be completely deserted. As the heroes were wandering around searching for any signs of life, the ground underfoot began to quake.**
* **The Bois quickly ducked for cover in a nearby alleyway, just as the ground erupted, and out of the sand squirmed a massive, slimy maggot, upon which numerous fellows were riding. The vicious-looking bunch were dressed like bandits, and were accompanied by a sinister wizard. A savage battle ensued, and after trading a series of blows, the Bois managed to triumph over the crew of bandits, slaying them without mercy, including the wizard. Aigee snatched the dead wizard’s staff off the ground, thinking that it may come in handy later.**
* **Skimp dropped to one knee before the lifeless body of one bandit, scrutinizing the corpse. Bongo joined him, and asked quietly, “What do you think, Skimp?” The rogue was silent for a long minute, before finally replying, “Yep. These must have been some of those Scourge Striders we were told about. They were pretty tough. We’d better tread lightly, and keep our ears to the ground. There’s surely more of them out there, using this sand storm as cover.”**
* **The heroes crept through the empty town, Skimp scouting ahead, until they heard voices close by. Staying a safe distance away, the Bois spied at a group of Scourge Striders lurking up ahead. The bandits were accompanied by a tall figure with a deadly, black-bladed scythe belted across his back. His entire body was encased in a strange suit of wasp-hive-like armor. He was talking with the other Striders with an air of authority. The Bois listened closely to the conversation, but the howling wind muffled the hive-man’s voice. They managed to make out the words, “...Scourge… Autumnwood Clearing… Urgathoa… Harambo… Black Lodge…”**
* **“Fellas, I’ve got a plan.” Bongo whispered, “I say we dress Aigee up in this bloke’s outfit.” pointing to the dead wizard, “And send him over to his mates. Then he can get information about the scourge; how to survive it, and maybe even how to stop it!”**
* **Aigee-Gorg immediately agreed to the plan with an excited, “Tee hee!” However, rather than simply strip the dead wizard of his robes, the Goo Fellow ripped the wizard’s still-warm flesh from his bones and slapped it onto his gooey body as a disguise. “This’ll fool ‘em for sure!” Aigee giggled, making his way over towards the Striders. The rest of the Bois merely watched, their eyes wide, their jaws hanging open, stunned by the bard’s actions.**
* **“Howdy ho!” Aigee cried merrily to the Sand Striders, mimicking the wizard perfectly.**
* **“Ah, you’re back.” the Strider in the hive armor said, his voice gruff, “So what happened back there? Have those Ishandryn agents been dealt with?”**
* **“We dealt with those adventurers.” Wizard Aigee answered, “A ratfolk, a sulli, a goliath, a pandafolk, and a tengu. All dead. Especially the rat, he was easiest to kill because of how utterly weak and useless he was.” Aigee snickered. Skimp, who was listening in, was furious with Aigee and vowed to smack him the next chance he got. SMACKDOWN LIVE? SMACKDOWN RAW!!!!**
* **“What happened to the men that were with you?” the hive-armored bloke asked, sounding somewhat suspicious.**
* **“Oh, we, uh, got separated! Yeah, that's it!” Gorg replied hastily, lying off the top of his head.**
* **“Very well. I shall scry them for you. Give me your hand.” hive-guy demanded. Aigee looked at his floppy, skin-goo hand nervously, “Uhhh, actually dude…” he began.**
* **Do it Aigee! Grab his hand! Skimp messaged to the Goo Fellow, knowing well that this was a trick. Having no other choice, Aigee grabbed the hive-Strider’s hand, and immediately felt a surge of agony course throughout his jelly-like “body.”**
* **“Foolish child!” hive-slug growled, “Did you really think that would work?!” Aigee began sobbing uncontrollably.**
* **Hive-wimp draws his scythe and breaks the weapon over his knee. The broken scythe transforms into two smaller blades, which the Strider presses against Aigee’s throat. He chuckles, “It has been far too long since my scythe has tasted the blood of a sulli!” “Stop right there, villain!” the rest of the Bois roared, charging to the Goo Fellow’s side, preparing to administer The Daddy Lessons upon hive-squirm.**
* **ROLL FOR INITIATIVE!!!!**
* **The fighting commences! Yippy! The Hive-yuck jumped into battle with the bois. “I’m glad you managed to defeat that wizard and his men. Gives me the pleasure of killing you myself!” he triumphantly cried, as if he was the most important man in the world.**
* **Skimp, still on the rooftop, fired down at the Sand Striders with Glezdon’s SeaBow. Upon doing so, he realized the the bow wasn’t special in any way, nor did it have magical properties, it was merely a standard long bow with a unique name. One of the Striders begins climbing the wall of the building to give Skimp the ol’ McSpanky.**
* **Aigee, his disguise BUSTED, casts Grease on one of the striders. As the Sand Strider slipped all around in the grease, Aigee laughed and began boogie-woogie-ing while singing folk songs.**
* **Kaw took a shot with his musket at the hive-fool. And, of course, he missed miserably. He took a shot but it flew right past the hivey-boy. Suddenly, James’ slave ReviewBrah crawled out of the sand behind the hive-villain, his eyes filled with excitement as he saw James again. But, unfortunately, the bullet that flew past hive-loser sunk right in between ReviewBrah’s eyes, killing him instantly. “Hah! Bull’s eye!” the crow cackles. “Just what I was aimin’ for!”**
* **James, furious at the death of her beloved food reviewer, went into a mad fury, booshing everyone that stood in her way. And, thankfully, only the sand striders were in her way. None of the greasy freaks stood a chance against the unbridled might of James’ Flurry of Conks. Too Many Conks**
* **Bongo transformed into into his Horum Bloodline form and began slishing at hive-cretin with Wound. Unfortunately, the guy’s cheaty plot armor was too strong. He chuckled as HorumBongo hit him, “I’ve never killed a demon before! This should be interesting!” as he knocked Bongo out of Horum form.**
* **Things were looking bad for Bongo and the Bustin Makes Me Feel Goods, until suddenly from a swarm of crows emerged a mysterious figure dressed in a plague doctor’s mask. This figure faced off against Hive-Dumb, managing to fend him off with his legendary actions. Looking only a little scuffed up, the hive-degenerate laughs, “This is pitiful! You people aren’t even worth my time. Come and find me when you can actually put up a fight!” Then he and his goons leapt aboard the slimy maggot and vanished into the sand.**
* **The mysterious figure removes his mask, revealing himself to be a tengu that is striking similar to Kaw, only slightly older and more grizzled. He’s a gunslinger rouge, and he wants to help the Bois stop the scourge. His name is Lekkunar Greyfeather. Realizing that they’ll need all the help they can get to beat the leader of the Sand Striders, the Bois join forces with Lekkunar, then meander over to the nearby, completely empty tavern to get some rest, except for Aigee and James, they headed back to the mountain man’s home and slept on the hard floor. Bongo happens upon the world’s most comfortable pillow in the tavern. That night, Bongo had the greatest sleep he ever had. James and Aigee had the worst sleep of their lives inside Vulkyn’s cold, dirty stone floor covered in black slime. Throughout the night, they were assaulted multiple times by the giggling Vulkyn.**
* **That night as he’s sleeping peacefully, someone pokes Kaw on the shoulder, awakening him. It’s none other than Lekkunar, who says, “It’s good to see you again, little brother. I never thought I’d find you here in Phylum, this seems like the last place you’d turn up. I’m surprised that you’ve become an Ishandryn agent, you’ve certainly come a long way from the jail-hopping beggar you used to be. By the way, what happened to your arm? And leg, for that matter?” Kaw quickly lied, “Ehh, well, ya see, I fell into this bear trap not long ago and it chopped off my leg and arm. I got this robotic leg, but I’ll have to save up some more gold to afford the arm.” Lekkunar asked skeptically, “A bear trap?” “That’s right,” said Kaw greasily. “So what’re you doin’ out here?”**
* **Lekkunar explained that his true motives for being in Phylum was to hunt down the Hive-Child, who was a loyal follower of the goddess Urgathoa, as well as the leader of the Sand Striders. “Urrgathowa?” Kaw asked, grinning deviously. “Never heard of her.” “She’s a repulsive being,” Lekkunar scowled, “Her realm is called Abaddon, home of the outsiders known as daemons. She is also known as The Mistress of Decay!” Kaw replied with a dirty grin, “What a foul name.”**
* **“I’m glad our paths have crossed once again, Notakar,” said Lekkunar, patting him on the shoulder, addressing Kaw with his proper name rather than his fake criminal alias. “You truly seem to have turned a new leaf. I’m excited to fight at your side, along with your group of new friends.”**
* **“Now if you don’t mind, I’m trying to sleep!” squawked Kaw, before crawling out the window onto the tavern roof. “You always were a strange one,” Lekkunar murmured, “ever since the day you hatched.”**
* **Bongo, Thgil, Kaw, Skimp, and Lekkunar awoke the following morning feeling fresh and spry after a beautiful night’s rest on the world’s comfiest pillows. But poor Gorg and James hardly got 20 minutes of rest on Vulkyn’s cold floor. Their bodies are covered with bruises, souvenirs from Vulkyn’s playtime. The bois all meet at Vulkyn’s lair of peril and discuss their next actions. Lekkunar mentions that Autumnwood Clearing is one of the only places that’s completely free from The Scourge, so the bois decide that this clearing must hold the secret to stopping the scourge.**
* **After a vigorous playtime with Vulkyn, the elderly geezer finally teleports the gang to Autumnwood Clearing, the only place in Phylum that seems to be protected from the scourge and the Sand Striders.**
* **SESSION END.**