Opening crawl/The Sith's ritual

Here's how the opening crawl goes in The Beginning of the Chronicles.

**Potty:** Patchy, Patchy, the kids are here. [flushes the toilet]

**Patchy:**WAH!!! *[opens the curtain in panic]* Hot! Hot! Hot! Potty, don't you know this is Patchy private time?*[looks at the camera]* Oh, hello! Dahh! *[covers himself with the curtain]* What are you all doing here?

**Potty:** They're here to see The Beginning of the Chronicles. Brawk!

**Patchy:** But I haven't got The Beginning of the Chronicles, because I... well, I lost it! *[starts to cry]*

**Children:** *[off-screen]* No, Patchy! Please! Don't say that, Patchy! Please!

**Patchy:** But it is! It's lost and I have no idea where it is, so it's best if you forget all about Yuna and those dragon riders!

Voice: Remembering, Yuna and those dragon riders.

[A music video plays with Yuna and the dragon riders]

Audience: [clapping]

Patchy: I can't believe I lost The Beginning of the Chronicles*. [screws in his peg leg]* I never lose anything.

**Potty:** What about your leg?

**Patchy:** Well, yeah, but...

**Potty:** And your eye.

**Patchy:** Well, the eye, I...

**Potty:** And your hand.

**Patchy:** And the h... oh, get out of here you blasted bird! *[shoos Potty away]* Hmm... if only I had a map to tell me where "The Beginning of the Chronicles" is. *[a screeching car sounds and a brick flies through the window and hits Potty; he mutters gibberish and then falls over]*

**Potty:** What is it? Brawk!

**Patchy:** Hey... it's a map! It's a map to "The Beginning of the Chronicles"!

**Potty:** It's a dream come true!

**Patchy:** *[giggles]* We gotta go find it, Potty! *[shouts excitedly and runs over to the door; snaps]* Oh, first I'll need me treasure hunting leg. *[grabs*
 a black boot out of a bin of umbrellas and screws it on his wooden leg
while limping out the door; it now functions like a normal leg]*Come on, Potty! Ah! Times a-wastin'!*[runs down the steps, along with Potty]

**Potty:** Brawk!

**Patchy:** Take seven walks to Mrs. Dawson's house.

*[an elderly woman sits on her porch, knitting]* Ten paces past Mrs. Johnson's house. *[walks past the woman's house]*

**Mrs. Johnson:** Would you boys like some cookies?

**Patchy:** Put 'em in a doggie bag, Mrs. Johnson. Can't right now, we're on a treasure hunt. *[continues walking]*

**Mrs. Johnson:** Okay, don't catch a cold.

**Patchy:** Walk five fathoms past Don's Import Store and Delicatessen. *[looks up at a store by that name; walks next to a tree]* Half a league to the forked tree. *[looks up at a tree with plastic forks growing on it]* Oh! *[stands somewhere else, looking at the map]* Now all that's left is... Huh?! The seven trials of monkey lagoon?! *[lowers the map and sees a playground full of children]* Merciful Neptune. Only for Yuna and her friends. Only for Yuna and her friends!!!*[runs into the playground; rides back and forth on a small green horse]* **AHHHHH!!!** Whoa!!! *[goes up and down on a see-saw]* Whoa!!! Whoa! *[slides down a slide with his hands up]* **YAHHHHH!!!** *[hits the ground]* Ow! *[gets spun around on a merry-go-round]* **AHHHHH!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!! AHHHH!!!** *[slowly climbs on the monkey bars while a little kid punches him in the back]* Ahh... Ahh... Ah! *[inside a giant climbing thing while a group of kids laugh at him]* **AHHHHH!!! AHHHH!!!** *[gets pushed on the swing by a little girl]* **AHHHHH!!! DAHHH!!!** *[the*
 swing he was on returns with only a hook attached to it; the little
girl stares at it, confused; cuts to Patchy digging in the sand]*We made it! We survived the trials! Oh, I'm really gonna dig this movie!*[laughs]*Dig it, get it?*[laughs some more]

**Potty:** *[covered in sand]* You stink!

**Patchy:** And I just got out of the shower. *[laughs again; sticks his shovel in the ground and hits something]* Hey Potty, I think I hit something. *[camera zooms out; a large treasure chest sits in the sand]* Clever... bury your treasure above the surface.

**Potty:** Brawk!

**Patchy:** *[opens the chest; a golden glow shines from it]* This is it! *[a man in a construction hat sits in the chest, holding a tape; Patchy takes it; the man cups his hands]* I don't know what it means either. *[slams the top of the chest on the man]* But I got what I came for! Come on Potty, time's a-wastin'. *[runs off, jumping around and shouting excitedly again; runs into his house, still excited, and holds the tape up]* Yeah!!! Popcorn. *[slams a bag of popcorn down on the table]* Soda. *[puts a cup of soda on the table]* Pickled garlic! *[puts a jar of pickled garlic down on the table, next to the other things; runs and sits down]* Potty, hit the remote!

**Potty:** *[drops an egg that hits the remote]* Brawk! *[the VCR turns on]*

**Patchy:** *[grabs the popcorn]* This is gonna be great! *[a countdown, starting at ten, appears on the screen]* I can't believe it. More Dragon adventures! *[starts eating the popcorn; the countdown makes it's way down to five]* This so exciting! *[laughs, shaking the popcorn, which flies everywhere; the countdown ends]* Here it comes!

**Potty:** Brawk! Pipe down!

[However, it just shows Yuna and Nightstar flying in the sky with
 the "How to Train Your Dragon" theme play. And the screen goes blank]

Patchy: That's it? *That's* "The Beginning of the Chronicles"? [growls] **THAT WAS JUST A DARN CHEAP VIDEO OF YUNA AND NIGHTSTAR!!!**

Potty: What a rip!

Patchy: Grrrrr... *[his face turns red and smoke steams out of his ears]*  **YUNA AND HER FRIENDS BETRAYED US!**
 [cries] Why did I love How to Train Your Dragon and became a brony in
the first place?! I'm gonna get rid of all my How to Train Your Dragon
and My Little Pony stuff! All of it! All of it! [rips off his pants] All
 of it! *[runs to the door]* I'm gonna run away, that's what I'll do! Run away! *[runs out the door crying]*

**Potty:** Sheesh, what a hothead!

**Announcer:** *[on TV, another countdown has started at twenty-three seconds with the words "The Beginning of the Chronicles"]* And now, for the real "The Beginning of the Chronicles"!

Potty: Patchy, come back! There's more!

Patchy: Really? [he reverses] Hooray! Let's watch.

["Stuingtion pictures" proudly presents.....]

["The Chronicles of Equestria and the Isle of Berk"]

["The Beginning of the Chronicles"]

[The Sith Empire tightens its grip on the galaxy. The
Galactic Republic and its Jedi
defenders lie weakened and
vulnerable after the Empire's
successful military campaign.

With a fragile peace negotiated,
the Empire sends all potential
Sith to undergo cruel and
deadly trials at its Academy on
the harsh planet KORRIBAN.

Today, one of the Empire's
most promising master, "Darth Malgus"
has been secretly creating
a Sith Equine to make the
galaxy the Sith's once and for all....]

[It pans down to a fleet of ships. And a cruiser flies to the biggest one and lands]

[the door opens and a Sith comes out]

Battle Droid: Greetings, Lord Malgus. It's a honor for you to be back with us.

Maglus: The honor is mine, captain. How's the equine?

Battle Droid 2: She is almost ready, sir. She will be the time we get there.

Malgus: You said that on my last visit.

[The 2 get in a elevator]

Malgus: Let me remind you that my master wants this equine to be
done. So he can use her to get rid of the Jedi once and for all.

Battle Droid: Yes, my lord.

[the elevator than stops at the top floor and the 2 come out]

[we see several men looking at a tube with the creation]

Maglus: Dr. Robot?

Dr. Robot: She's a fine work in progress, sir.

Maglus: Great, great. What progress?

Dr. Robot: She is almost done...

[Siren goes on]

Scientist: She's complete!

Maglus: Let me see it!

[they take a look and it shows a young foal!]

Scientist: A foal? **SHE'S SUPPOSE TO BE A MARE!!!**

Malgus: 22-34! What is going on?!

22-34: I-I-I don't know.

Malgus: Kill her!

Super Battle Droid: But she's a kid.

Malgus: Fine! I'll do it myself! [activates his Ligthsaber]

Foal: **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**[does the force repulse and escapes into the elevator]

22-34: She's escaping!

Malgus: Red alert! Seal up the hanger!

[the droids are sent out and they put their weapons to stun]

Droid: Be prepared for anything that comes out that door!

[then when the door opens she force pushes them out of the way]

Foal: **STAY AWAY FROM ME!**

Super Battle droid: Blast her! [fires]

Super Battle droid 2: No, you idiot! Malgus wants her alive!

Foal: EEP!!! [she then grabs a random object and uses it like a bowling ball]

[the droids are knocked over as the bowling pins crash sound effect is heard]

Foal: [grabs one of their blasters and fires]

[Soon she reaches an escape pod bay]

Foal: Gotta get out of here!

[she races into one of the escape pods and then hops in one]

Battle droid: Stop! [fires]

Foal; Ah!

[she fires at them and soon hops right in one]

Super Battle Droid: Stop her! Don't let her get away!

[However, the foal presses a button which makes the escape pod launch and go to ligthspeed]

Droid: She'd escaped!

Droid 2: We're so dead.

Droid 1: [sighs] You say that all the time, Jerry.

Droid 3: Yeah, can you stop saying that for a while?

Droid 2: Hey, I'm just trying to be loyal to the Sith!

Droid 1: Yeah, well try to be loyal next time by paying attention.

Droid 2: Luke, why are you way nicer to me when none of the droids aren't around?