The Competition

The Competition is the fourth chapter in the Wombles Six.

Meanwhile, Charlie was talking to Diana. “So what actually happened to you?” she asked. “Rhonda captured me.” Replied Diana. “Woofykins tried to save me, but now I have no idea where she even is.” “Who even is Woofykins?” asked Charlie. “I’ve heard of Meowykins…but Woofykins?” “Oh, just a chocolate Labrador I found in Canada.” Explained Diana. “Who’s Meowykins?” “A blue cat who belongs to the previous Queen.” Answered Charlie. “Who was the previous Queen?” asked Diana. “My sister Lady Catherine Steed.” Replied Charlie. “Currently she’s in Calgary with her husband, due to a few…problems.” “What problems?” asked Diana. “Oh, it doesn’t matter.” Charlie replied quickly. “OK?” said Diana, confused. “OK.” Replied Charlie. “What?” said Diana, even more confused. “What?” said Charlie, now also confused. “Huh?” said Diana, feeling that she now didn’t know what was going on at all.

Thomas and Lucy were toddling around Rider Ranch saying “Dada” and “Hat” quite a lot.  A man suddenly appeared.  “Dada?” asked Thomas.  “Unca actually” replied Johnny the Horse.  “Uncactually!” replied  Thomas. “Big hat!” said Lucy looking at Johnny’s cowboy hat.  Johnny took the toddlers into his ranch and left in his secret hideout behind the basement wall.  He left them with some toy guns and brandy bottles to find out what happened to Steed and Cathy.

It didn’t take long to find out where they had gone.  Johnny made a bird noise and seven eagles flew down to the ranch.  Johnny scribbled a note and gave it to the biggest bird.  They soared away.  Johnny saluted them.  The eagles saluted back and flew to Scotland.

At Loch Ness a lone piper was playing the Avengers theme.  He was where he loved to be, in the high Scottish hills with no other sound but the Golden eagles.  He played and looked up to the sky.  The eagles were swooping fast.  In no time they landed around McSteed.  The biggest eagle handed him the note.  McSteed read it, wrote a reply then saluted.  The eagles saluted back and soared away back to their cliff top nest.

This is what the note said.

*Aye McSteed!  It’s me baby! Johnny the Horse, woah, down boy!*

*Steed and Cathy in big, and I mean, b-ig trouble.  TODE are back and only you can stop them groovy kilt wearer.  You’ll find them in the New Old Dickensian Mansion in Wimbledon.*

*Play!  Play for all you are worth!*

*Yours in grooviness, JTH!*

McSteed took a small silver pipe from his sporran.  He fitted it to the pipes and blew for all his worth.  Fortunately he was worth quite a lot and owned half of Scotland. The Avengers theme played through the Scottish night.  It reached the English night near Newcastle.  The music stopped at the motorway services for a Burger King Whopper meal then on it played.  All the way to London.  Everyone in London was jigging to the haunting Scottish music.  None more so than Steed and Cathy.  None less so than the evil TODE members that really should be dead by now.

Steed looked at Cathy and asked “Why did we leave our children to join evil people that really should be dead?”  “I don’t know!” shouted Cathy over the haunting Scottish music.  They danced outside.  The moon was bright.  There was a mysterious shadow over the moon getter bigger.  It looked like a dragon soaring through a dream.

The shadow was getting lower.  The music was getting louder.  The dancing was sweet but intense.  Steed felt something odd in his hands.  It was a garlic sausage with a tattoo.  The tattoo was dancing on the sausage.  Suddenly Long Since Forgotten Steed was behind a desk.  There were others behind it.  Second Cousin Steed, Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Uncle Steed, ESP.  They all held up cards with six written on them.

The shadow dragon emerged as seven superlative eagles.  Cathy danced and danced.  She knew them from the previous time they had rescued her.  Steed just danced because he was confused.  The TODE judges said together “Steedly Come Dancing!  Back to TODE!  TODE!  TODE! TODE!”  They turned their cards the other way round.  “What?  A shopping list?” said Steed.  Quickly they turned round again.  Now the marks were 6s.  “666!” said Steed.  “6666 actually” replied Cathy.  “We are more than evil!” shouted TODE.

The 6s turned to daggers. TODE threw them at Cathy and Steed but they mounted the eagles and flew away into the Scottish night.  McSteed stood waiting as if in a trance.

Mr Teddy Bear was laughing evilly in his robot giant womblet.  “Nobody will stop me now!” he shouted.

Steed and Cathy woke up. “What?  Not again!” they both said at once.