A Rock and a Hard Place

**"A Rock and a Hard Place"** is a standalone *Dungeons & Dragons* story played by TanisJr93, FloodedBasement, NimueofAvalon, Megquins, Capwithoutacountry, and Captain Carlson on 10 February 2023.

The game was the first ever DMed by JacksonTheGinger and hosted on TanisJr93's channel on Twitch.

## Party

* **Charmain** (*Megquins*) – Tortle Path of the Ancestral Guardians Barbarian
* **Aoife Quinn** (*NimueofAvalon*) – Eladrin Phantom Rogue
* **Beltharius** (*TanisJr93*) – College of Whispers Bard
* **Mordrid** (*Captain Carlson*) – Human Path of the Berserker Barbarian
* **Baldordash** (*Capwithoutacountry*) – Dragonborn Drakewarden Ranger, Assassin Rogue
* **Masa Mune** (*FloodedBasement*) – Fallen Aasimar Samurai Fighter, Path of the Ancestral Guardians Barbarian, Celestial Warlock

## Summary

Six adventurers – the Tortle Charmain, the Eladrin Aoife, the Tiefling Beltharius, the Human Mordrid, the Dragonborn Baldordash, and the Aasimar Masa – inexplicably wake in a tavern, having been teleported away from their parties elsewhere. After a moment, a bartender reveals that they are at the Pandæmonium tavern, which is named after the capitol of Hell, and offers the group platter of meats; Mordrid attempts to take a turkey leg, but Beltharius uses his *Mage hand* to sneak it away. A fight nearly breaks out before the bartender opens a keg of mead for the group, and a Dwarf and an Elf from another table challenge Mordrid and Charmain to a drinking contest; Baldordash bets three gold on the Tortle, then joins Aoife to look out the window into an infinite expanse of darkness.

Charmain wins the drinking contest, winning Baldordash five gold, after which she explains to Mordrid that the secret to her magic is doing 200 push-ups every day; Mordrid begins doing drunken push-ups, at which point the bartender shapeshifts into a small gnome and welcomes the party to Purgatory. He informs that they are destined for Hell for their lengthy lists of misdeeds, but offers them one last chance to avoid eternal damnation; he claims that he is more powerful than any of the gods or devils and offers to erase their past transgressions if they agree to do one thing for him. He then claps his hands, and the group finds themselves in the midst of a coliseum surrounded by spectators. The arena contains a pit with a rickety bridge, as well as several large boulders, and the bartender explains that they must engage in trial by combat, with an option to fight alongside one other person.

Beltharius telepathically teams up with Masa, while Mordrid and Charmain agree to fight together, and Aoife joins forces with Baldordash. The gnome instructs the combatants to arm themselves: Beltharius takes out a flute, Aoife takes out a shortbow, Charmain takes out a warhammer, Mordrid takes out a greataxe, Masa takes out a naginata, and Baldordash takes out a Dragonwing bow before summoning his draconic companion. The gnome warns the group that they will encounter a number of surprises before climbing onto the back of an ancient red dragon to watch, after which Charmain rushes toward the center of the coliseum, flies into a rage, and challenges everyone to fight her; Masa moves behind a battlement and fires his shortbow twice at Charmain, missing once and hitting once, before flying into a rage himself.

Baldordash fires a lightning arrow at Beltharius that the Tiefling deflects with an incantation before moving into the arena himself, after which Asherah bites at the iron gate behind them before following. Beltharius summons six small meteors that orbit him before inspiring Masa, after which Mordrid rushes up beside Charmain, flies into rage himself, and raises his heavy crossbow to fire at Masa; a woman in the stands flashes him to inspire him, and he strikes Masa with a bolt immediately before Aoife strikes the Samurai with an arrow from her shortbow. Charmain then rushes toward Beltharius, sustaining an attack from Masa...

*(1:17:37)*

Aoife finds herself back in a shallow cavern high in the Palatial Mountains, and rolls over to find Leander sleeping beside her before climbing on top of him and waking him passionately.

Baldordash finds himself back in a clearing along the Striburgh River in the Mezzanot Forest, and his reappearance causes his draconic companion Asherah to awaken; saying nothing, he lays down against her side, and they both fall back to sleep.

## Notes

* Alternate titles for the episode include, but are not limited to:
	+ "People Out of Place"
	+ "The Voices of Fate"
	+ "The Speed of a God"
	+ "It's Titty Time!"