Season 1 Episode 3 "The Lord of Chaos"

The dads travel to Neverwinter in search of Henry's two beautiful boys, Lark and Sparrow.

## Intro

The intro for this episode is Glenn singing a parody of "Hotel California" by The Eagles. The lyrics recap the happenings of the previous episode, highlighting specifically that they accidentally murdered Gartok's son.

## Summary

The episode resumes at the gates of Neverwinter, where a rendition of The Doodler, drawn up by Lark and Sparrow, is hung upon the drawbridge leading to the city.

A human guard calls out to the dads in their minivan wondering what they're doing there and what "that beast" (the Honda Odyssey) is. Henry refers to its as "an Oh-des-ee of Hoen-dah, a white beast from many a league from here," with Glenn chiming in it's "from the land of the Rising Sun." Darryl assists the ruse by implying it *was* a beast, but now it's a shell of a dead one (akin to a hermit crab shell, which they don't have in The Forgotten Realms). This persuasion rolls a natural one, so it fails.

Upon failing the persuasion check, Glenn offers using the spare soccer jerseys, since they share the same design as the banner, as a way to convince the guards they're emissaries. Ron is determined to be the most "child-sized" of the group, and is sent out of the van to speak with the guards. On his way out, Darryl tries to give him a butt slap, like in football, but Ron is exiting from the wrong side of the car, so Darryl has to lean over Glenn and ends up only grazing Ron's butt instead. As an intimidation attempt, Glenn tells Darryl to honk the horn, and it succeeds in startling the guards. Upon seeing the jersey, the guards remark Ron is, "...even weirder than the other two," and lower the drawbridge to allow them in. As they enter, Henry and Darryl put on jerseys, but Glenn does not since it doesn't fit him.

Neverwinter is described as if, "somebody took New York City and made it *Lord of the Rings*-ified," with man-sized snakes slithering upright, bird people, and multi-story buildings. Upon entering, making several dad jokes and taking damage, the group takes a short rest, but due to it being a well-populated area in an unknown vehicle, they awaken to find the guards surrounding them with their spears drawn. Henry inquires about the previous two emissaries, who are described as the same man twice and arrived speaking many strange words, have either been destroyed or disappeared and replaced with The Lord of Chaos overnight.

The group is sent to go visit The Lord of Chaos who is at Ankara the Entertaining's Pit of Myriad Delights. On the way there, Darryl is able to sneak a Charleston Chew from the secret stash in the van while Henry drives, but is caught going for a second one when Will rolls a natural 20.

Upon arrival, it's found that the Pit of Myriad Delights is actually two different pits approximately 20 yd. in diameter. One pit is filled with many individuals having intercourse with one another (aka, an orgy), and the other appears to be a fighting pit with adventurers fighting various monsters. Henry suggests doing the buddy system and he pairs up with Ron, while Glenn pairs up with Darryl.

An ogre standing guard at the staircase down into the pits sends describes them as, "all the enjoyments that life has to offer. You have life in its conception and then life in its end," and is ready to send the group in when Sheriff David Boreanaz shows up and asks what their purpose in Neverwinter is. After all four dads exclaim something different, Henry explains they came from another world and are trying to rescue their children. Sheriff Boreanaz confirms what was said earlier that the two children have not been seen, but says The Lord of Chaos may know where they.

The sheriff explains that the drawing produced by Lark and Sparrow actually resembles an eldritch god worshipped by a cult he's a member of. They had a prophecy that with the arrival of some emissaries, the Lord of Chaos would come, and the death of the unsung hero would summon the Doodler and end the current world and replace it with a better one.

Since arriving, Darryl has been entranced by the sex pit, and upon hearing the prophecy, begins walking down the stairs towards the orgy stating, "I just wanna take a quick look." Henry attempts to grab him, ripping off Darryl's shirt in the process. Seeing himself shirtless and "flabby," Darryl pushes Henry into the sex pit, where he takes some damage.

After falling in, two orgy participants (a half-elf and a half-orc who had been scissoring) attempt to get Henry to join their escapades, but Henry refuses. Since this pit is all about consent, they agree and Henry wishes them a fun time

After the shenanigans in the sex pit, Sheriff Boreanaz is less certain that one of them could be the unsung hero, but is still willing to have them go into the fight pit to prove their worthiness to the Lord of Chaos, since he seems to only respect combat and not sex. Darryl grabs a golf club from the van, Glenn takes out his Kershaw brand Everyday Carry Knife, and Ron takes out his razor sharp business cards and prepare to fight.

When entering the pit, the group sees an 8 ft. tall creature wearing a large black coat that obscures its entire body and its face is shadowed. It's using its hand to block its vision of the sex pit and only focus on the fighting pit. Sheriff Boreanaz explains that, if they do not impress the Lord of Chaos in the fighting pit, they will be escorted out and possibly not killed for knowing about The Cult of the Doodler.

Henry, intrigued by the Lord of Chaos' aversion to the sex pit, states to the rest of the group that, should things go south with the monsters, they all should get naked, since that would be chaotic and possibly gain its favor and respect. Darryl replies that, in the movie *300*, Spartans would fight naked as a way to intimidate their enemies.

Darryl immediately strips down into his naked form, holding his golf club, ready to fight. Glenn, seeing Darryl, decided that this is what the group is doing and gets naked himself. Henry, concerned about being the only one clothed in a situation where everyone is naked making him "the naked one," goes along with Darryl and Glenn and removes his clothing. Ron removes one pair of pants, and underneath it is another pair of pants. Upon removing those, there's a pair of boxers from MeUndies.

Anthony, distraught, exclaims in a familiar tone "nooooooo! Daaaaaaaad!" - revealing that, underneath the robes of the Lord of Chaos, was Lark and Sparrow, standing on each other's shoulders.

## Dad Facts

Glenn Close: He plays an acoustic guitar of indeterminate brand and origin.

Darryl Wilson: His favorite TV show used to be Bones, but became The Finder because he thought it was a little more macho.

Henry Oak-Garcia: His favorite TV show is Bones.

Ron Stampler: He believes a hug is a type of dog.

## Trivia

This is the first episode to include a cold open intro.

This episode's two dad facts about *Bones* leads to a character being named after actor David Boreanaz.

Darryl didn't like the mascot being The Doodler, and wanted The Grizzlies instead, and drew his own buff grizzly bear mascot to go with the idea

Ron describes himself as 5' 4" and about 120 lbs., but makes a note that, "that's not the small part of (him)," which leads to a "real dad huddle" discussing whether Ron has a large, or small penis

This is the origin of the "real dad huddle," which is used to exclude Ron from conversations that are about him

The bleeding elf in this episode is the precursor to the voice used by The Library

Anthony created an entire mechanic for the fight pit scene which involved pulling a certain number of level two monsters to be fought simultaneously by individuals of the party, with the more cards pulled and fought, the higher likelihood they would gain the Lord of Chaos' favor. This favor was determined by a d6 roll, with the odds getting better with more monsters being fought (3 monsters fought, d6 could be a 3, 4, 5, or 6 and they would gain the Lord of Chaos' favor)

This is the first episode where Ron is canonically wearing multiple pairs of pants, which becomes a running gag throughout the rest of the season

## Cast

Anthony Burch as the DM.

Freddie Wong as Glenn Close.

Matt Arnold as Darryl Wilson.

Will Campos as Henry Oak-Garcia.

Beth May as Ron Stampler