Fake TPOT 24: It Was a Very Good Year/part 2

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"**It Was a Very Good Year**" is the non-canon twenty-fourth episode of *TPOT* by Jacknjellify. It was released on 6 March 1981. This episode is only headcanon to me, that is, until the real TPOT 2 comes out, after which it splits from the rest of the series to become an alternate universe. This episode was previously known by two titles based on the lyrics of a song heard in it: "**May We All Have Our Host, BFDI**" and "**If We Don't, We Might Well Lose BFDI**".

## Cake at Stake supercuts

### **BFB 10 (cont'd)** – 8 April 1970

**Scene**After Pencil, Leafy, Liy and Bracelety sing.
#### EXIT

* **P****e****nci****l**: That was beautiful!
* **Le****a****f****y**: We have to do this again. You sing really well, Bracelety.
* **Bracel****ety**: Yeah!
* **Li****y**: I feel so revolutionized, liberated! We don't need guys when we've got each other as company.
* **Bracel****ety**: The four of us, we are the golden girls of the EXIT.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Mm-hmm.
* **Bracel****ety**: And *Ice Cube!*
* **P****e****nci****l**: Maybe as the live-in cook. Now come here and give us a hug, will ya?

[*They group hug.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: To think that we've made it so far!
* **Le****a****f****y**: For the first time, I'm proud to be eliminated.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Not that far! [*they stop hugging*] You're still not in the Alliance.
* **Le****a****f****y**: Aww.
* **P****e****nci****l**: But that don't mean we can't be friends. How about we just get back to our lessons?
* **Bracel****ety**: I'm almost done!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Good to know.

[*They return to their chairs—* **Liy** *is sitting next to* **Pencil**, *and the two of them quickly grow bored from the silence.*]

* **Li****y**: So, Pencil... when's Four coming back?
* **P****e****nci****l**: How should I know? Four just disappears sometimes, remember?

[*Weird static effect. Jump cut to a few seconds later, when the eliminated contestants from earlier this year enter the EXIT. They are* **Stapy**, **8-Ball**, **Roboty**, **David** *and* **Loser**, *who is stuck in a liar ball.*]

* **Li****y**: Wait, that's not Four.
* **P****e****nci****l**: *Ewww!* It's a bunch of *boys!*

[*Leafy rushes up to greet the new EXITers.*]

* **Le****a****f****y**: Hello, everyone! It's so good to see you all. I was beginning to think BFB was cancelled.
* **St****a****py**: Nope. Still going. And we were eliminated.
* **L****ose****r**: Why do I—

[*Weird static effect again.*]

* **Four**: We're having a very special class today. One of you will rejoin the *Battle for BFDI*!
* **David**: Aw, seriously?
* **Le****a****f****y**: Wonderful!
* **P****e****nci****l**: I've been dying to get out of here.
* **[** **8****-****Ball** · **St****a****py** **]**: Me too.
* **Li****y**: [*off-screen*] You guys just got here!

[*Weird static effect, transition to the next scene.*]

### **BFB 11** – 30 April 1970

**Scene**Before the beginning of the episode. **Liy**'s taurine tendencies have taken over as she chases **Stapy** around the EXIT.
#### EXIT

* **Bracel****ety**: Pencil?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Yeah?
* **Bracel****ety**: I've got to ask you something.
* **P****e****nci****l**: No, I did not get Ice Cube's signature before I was eliminated.
* **Bracel****ety**: No, not that! Thanks for reminding me, fricker!

[*Bracelety stomps off.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Brace, what the hell?
* **Bracel****ety**: And you're a stank-ass juju head!
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*confused*] A what? Stapy, have you been teaching Bracelety bad words?
* **St****a****py**: No.
* **8****-****Ball**: It was me.
* **David**: Aw, seriously!

[*Leafy approaches Pencil with her worksheet.*]

* **Le****a****f****y**: I think what Bracelety meant to ask you was obvious.
* **P****e****nci****l**: A- yeah? What's that?
* **Le****a****f****y**: Something about Cake at Stake. It's today, you know.
* **P****e****nci****l**: I *know*, and there's a big chance that I'll get out of here.
* **Le****a****f****y**: Are you excited?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Eahh.
* **Le****a****f****y**: What will you do if you get out of here?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Probably reunite with Match, Bubble, Ruby. They all love each other as far as I know. They may be competing with dozens of other people, but they're the closest thing out there to the EXIT's golden girls... [*looking at the other EXITers*] Whom I miss dearly.
* **Le****a****f****y**: But Pencil, we're all still here!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Yeah, but... [*sits down*] Look at how crazy things have been since all these low-ranking boys entered!
* **Le****a****f****y**: It's just a new dynamic, nothing to ring home about. And besides, in the past few weeks, the net happiness in this room has been as outstanding as my attitude! I haven't seen a frown on anybody's face! Well, except for David... and Roboty... and Loser's inverted dumpling thing.
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*scoffs*] You might as well give these people addition, or whatever the cool substance is these days.

[*Pencil points at Liy, who has cornered Stapy. She breathes through where her nose is meant to be.*]

* **Li****y**: You like this, Stapler? *Hnnnnn!*
* **St****a****py**: If you like it, then you should have put a ring on it.
* **Li****y** *Hnnn! HNNNNN!* ***HNNNNNNNNNN!*** [*sees Pencil*] *Hmm.*
* **P****e****nci****l**: What now, Liy?
* **Li****y**: I'm just thinking: During all the months we've been in EXIT, never once did we see what's beyond that door!
* **St****a****py**: So *open it already!* Unless you're too scared of what you'll find.

[*Liy slaps Stapy, causing a staple to fall out.*]

* **Li****y**: Pay attention, Stapy!

[*Weird static. Jump cut to Cake at Stake, after* **Four** *arrives.*]

* **Four**: EXITers, we got 32,543 votes! The EXITer who got the most votes will be exiting... the EXIT... and rejoining the *Battle for BFDI*.

[*Four points to a yummy realistic-looking cake.*]

* **Four**: And you'll get this whole cake. Roboty, you got the least votes. You'll not rejoin.
* **R****o****b****oty**: .. -- / .... .- - . -..

#### Outside world

[*The still-in contestants are waiting for Four to pull a contestant out of his body. Camera pan throughout the land.*]

* **F****old****y**: This is so exciting! I have an entire speech for Stapy when he comes out of Four's blue bosom!
* **F****r****i****e****s**: Does it really matter that Four's blue?
* **F****old****y**: It was for poetic effect.
* **Ma****r****ker**: Liy is blue too, Foldy!
* **F****old****y**: Oh, shhhhh—you're right. I regret what I just said.
* **Co****i****ny**: Say it with me, everyone! Loser!
* **The Losers!**: Loser! Loser! Loser!

[**Firey** *walks over to where Beep are standing. It seems that he has overheard something.*]

* **Balloony**: It's the most natural response!
* **Ni****c****kel**: I don't know, backing away from Leafy?
* **Balloony**: If she comes out.
* **C****l****ou****d****y**: To make sure she knows we're not really fans of her.
* **Ni****c****kel**: I don't know why you agreed to this, Cloudy; you don't even have legs.
* **C****l****ou****d****y**: Eh...
* **Fi****r****ey**: Gentlemen, I am prepared to make y'all an offer you can't refuse.
* **Ni****c****kel**: What are you doing here, Firey?
* **Fi****r****ey**: Oh. I overheard someone say the name *Leafy*, so I...
* **C****l****ou****d****y**: Leafy? Aren't you married to her?
* **Fi****r****ey**: [*realizing*] I know no such thing.

[*Exit* **Firey**. *Firey Jr. glares at him in the background, but no one notices.*]

* **Balloony**: Pure weird. They were so shippable together back in BFDI.
* **Ni****c****kel**: Hey, there's always a chance Roboty or David could rejoin!
* **Balloony**: That's true; David got the most votes to join in BFDI 17.
* **Ni****c****kel**: That's one for a piece of knowledge, but okay.
* **C****l****ou****d****y**: He was there, Nickel, and so were... you?
* **Ni****c****kel**: No, I didn't show up until season 2.
* **Balloony**: The first Nickel was a two-armed evil clone.
* **Ni****c****kel**: Again with the pub trivia facts, Dad!
* **Balloony**: See, I amn't that airheaded!
* **Woody**: *Zoboomafoo!*
* **Balloony**: Besides, I'm wanting to impress Four with how much I ken the series. He tends to favour those who wow him.
* **C****l****ou****d****y**: Go wow him soon, B. I think something's about to happen.
* **Balloony**: Och! Now's my chance!

[*Balloony rushes to Four's ear and listens to the goings-on inside their numeric membrane. Enter* **X**.]

* **X**: I wouldn't stand there if I were you!
* **Balloony**: But I can hear the—

[*X suddenly starts to drag Balloony by the arm.*]

* **X**: [*annoyed*] Come on!
* **Four**: Everyone! An eliminated contestant is about to rejoin!

[*Everyone gasps.*]

* **Ma****tch**: [*as Bubble looks at her angrily*] I hope it's Pencil.
* **F****old****y**: I hope it's Stapy.
* **Four**: It's Leafy.

[*Four pulls* **Leafy** *out, along with the yummy cake. Silence as Leafy turns to her old teammates. The Beep contestants talk to one another in their heads as they back away slowly.*]

* **Ni****c****kel**: *Just smile and wave, boys.*
* **Balloony**: *Nope.*
* **C****l****ou****d****y**: I'm already getting flashbacks to forced employment.
* **Le****a****f****y**: [*complains*] Four, I don't think my team wants meeeee.
* **Four**: Actually...

#### EXIT

[*Weird static as we see some more disorder in the classroom.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: I want you, Leafy!

### **BFB 12** – 2 June 1970

**Scene**A few months later. **Four** and **X** have switched bodies and names, but only temporarily.
#### Outside world

* **Four**: Match... You're—
* **X**: You're eliminated!
* **Four**: I, I wanted to say that.
* **X**: Now you know how it feels!
* **Ma****tch**: [*sighs*] I guess I should have seen this coming.

[*Snowball catches his burger.*]

* **B****u****b****b****l****e**: Match, wait!

[**Match** *gets sucked into X. Bubble is shocked. Meanwhile, Pen looks at Eraser.*]

* **Eraser**: What?
* **P****en**: Remember what I asked you before Pencil was eliminated?
* **Eraser**: Please, I can't even remember what time I woke up.
* **P****en**: No, I mean about getting physical. Now that Match's gone, how will you, y'know...

[*Eraser holds up a collection of very colourful magazines.*]

* **Puffball**: Clothed people magazines?
* **F****r****i****e****s**: Gross.

#### EXIT

[*The chaos is exactly the same as in the previous episode, if not even greater.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Will you lot be quiet while I do my maths? [*Beat.*] That's not something you hear every day.
* **St****a****py**: Come on, Pencil, have fun a bit.
* **8****-****Ball**: Nobody's been eliminated in a while.

[*There is a knock on the door.*]

* **8****-****Ball**: Never mind.
* **Ma****tch**: [*outside the EXIT door*] Omg, I can't believe she, like, said that.
* **Bracel****ety**: Hello, who's that?
* **Ma****tch**: Like, how do you open this door? Where are my, like, handmaidens?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Complaining about servants that she never had? It's got to be Match!
* **Bracel****ety**: Matchiepoo!
* **Li****y**: Oh, wonderful. /s Pencil's best friend has just been eliminated.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Amen. Oh... but what about the gift?
* **St****a****py**: The gift? Why would Match need a gift?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Because in our alliance, it's customary for the oldest-eliminated member to give the newest-eliminated member a welcome gift! Liy, you've got to help me! Er, er, er... [*gets out her picture collection*] Make this picture beautiful! [*shows her the FreeSmart picture*]
* **Li****y**: What? Why me?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Aren't you, like, the queen of fake identities? You can put this picture through some weird filter or something, and Match will love it!
* **Li****y**: First of all, what's that supposed to mean? And second of all... fine, I'll try.

[*Pencil hands Liy the picture.*]

* **Ma****tch**: Stupid door. Open, like, sesame.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Quick, she's coming!
* **Li****y**: Okay, I'm working as fast as I can!
* **St****a****py**: And you do a great job at it.

[*Liy slaps Stapy.*]

* **St****a****py**: That's the spot.
* **Li****y**: How's this, Pencil?

[*Liy shows Pencil what has become of her photo: the entire picture has been replaced by a piece of lettuce.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Liy, what the *frick?!*
* **Li****y**: I tried as best as I could. I only know how to turn a picture into lettuce, nothing fancy.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Liy-yee!
* **Li****y**: What-ee?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Not only do I no longer have a picture of FreeSmart, but I've still got one of stupid Pen and me! And on top of that, I haven't got a gift for Match!
* **Li****y**: A picture of Pen, eh? And you're saying you don't want to look at him?
* **P****e****nci****l**: No, Liy, I'm saying that the hippies might actually have a point. /s *Of course* I don't want to look at him!
* **Li****y**: Gimme.
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*handing Liy the picture*] Bland, personality-free, matinée idol–faced boy toy.
* **Ma****tch**: I wonder if there's, like, a Shōhacks Coffee here.
* **Li****y**: Why didn't you ask me to destroy Pen's picture earlier?
* **P****e****nci****l**: 'Cause even though he's cheated on me times a thousand, I still think he's hot.
* **St****a****py**: Weirdo.
* **8****-****Ball**: Yeah, weirdo. [*Pencil looks offended*]
* **Ma****tch**: Never mind. I think I'll, like, lay down.

[*Liy gives Pencil her photo back. It is just lettuce.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Better. [*holds her two lettuce pictures*] Now I look like a Goikyan American cookbook.
* **Bracel****ety**: Shouldn't someone open the door?
* **St****a****py**: Yeah! *Lettuce* see who's behind it!
* **8****-****Ball**: Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
* **R****o****b****oty**: - [*Subtitles: "Ha."*]
* **P****e****nci****l**: Don't say that.
* **St****a****py**: Too soon?
* **P****e****nci****l**: No. Too stupid.

[*Stapy opens the door for* **Match**, *who gets up and walks into the EXIT.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: *Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatch!*
* **Ma****tch**: *Penciiiiiiiiiiiiiil!*

[*Pencil runs over to give Match a hug, knocking over David and Roboty in the process.*]

* **David**: Aw, seriously?
* **P****e****nci****l**: I've missed you!
* **Ma****tch**: Yeah, but now I'm, like, here!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Sorry I have no gift for you.
* **Ma****tch**: It's fine. Just being in the same room with you is, like, a gift to me.
* **Li****y**: Awwwww, that's sweet.
* **St****a****py**: Now kith.

[*Match and Pencil look at Stapy.*]

* **Ma****tch**: Are you, like, flooping kidding?
* **P****e****nci****l**: I could never get off with Matchy here.
* **St****a****py**: Why not?
* **8****-****Ball**: Yeah, why not?
* **P****e****nci****l**: We're too similar, it's scary. It would be like kissing myself.
* **Ma****tch**: And she is not that self-absorbed, like, like, Pen.

[*Pencil gives Match a scornful look.*]

* **Ma****tch**: Too stupid?
* **P****e****nci****l**: And too soon.

### **BFB 13** – 22 June 1971

**Scene**Over a year later, when Jacknjellify are on hiatus for their very special project. Time flies at the same rate in the EXIT. *In humanaho*, the EXITers look exactly the same, not that there was a style change between 1969 to 1971 anyway.
#### EXIT

* **St****a****py**: I'm bored.
* **8****-****Ball**: Hi, bored, I'm 8-Ball and I don't have a favourite number.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Omg, will you *shut up?*
* **Li****y**: Pencil, what's with the attitude?
* **P****e****nci****l**: I don't like hearing people say they're bored!
* **8****-****Ball**: Well, can you blame him? It has been three hundred ***EIGHTY*** four days since a contestant was last eliminated.
* **P****e****nci****l**: That's... valid. I'm sorry, but when I was growing up, my mum told me never to say I'm bored because there's so much to do. Well, she actually said... [*imitating her mother*] *"Por que não faz algo que é realmente aborrecido em vez de nada?"* [*Subtitles: Why don't you do something actually boring instead of nothing?*]
* **Ma****tch**: Mm.
* **8****-****Ball**: Wait, Pencil, your mother speaks Portuguese?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Yeah, why?
* **8****-****Ball**: So do I.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Omg, really?

[*The two have a conversation in Portuguese, aside. While the other contestants watch in amazement (even though they don't understand a single thing), enter* **Firey Jr.**—*He has just been eliminated.*]

* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: Ungrateful wusses, Team Ice Cube. [*Pause.*] Um, hello? I'm here! What do I do?

[*No one notices him.*]

* **St****a****py**: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
* **P****e****nci****l**: What are you talking about? We're not fighting! We're talking about our favourite fruits.
* **8****-****Ball**: I'm telling her that chocolate is not one of them.
* **P****e****nci****l**: And have you any proof?
* **8****-****Ball**: *Não.* [*Subtitles: "No."*]
* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: Oh-em-FaL, will someone please notice me?
* **St****a****py**: Hey, do any of you hear anything?
* **Ma****tch**: Only the sweet sound of a language I've, like, heard before. Like, this one time I was dating this guy from, like, the Goikyan Azores, and, like, like, like, he...
* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: [*Aside.*] It's like I'm talking to the air. ***NOTICE ME, FRICKERS!***

[*Firey Jr. continues to be ignored.*]

#### Outside world

[*Weird static to a few hours later, as indicated at the bottom of the screen. It is now BFB 14, and the whole world has just been drenched in lava.*]

* **Four**: This is not good, this is not good. *Whose fault is this?*

[*Silence.*]

* **Four**: Oh. No one can hear me. Nearly everyone must be dead! Well, there's only one thing to do.

[*Four flies upwards to space and lands on a surface hovering above the Earth. At the same time, Woody grabs an emerald from Four's eye.*]

* **Four**: [*blinks*] Beep found the last emerald! So  is up for elimination!
* **Spon****gy**: Get off my plane.
* **Four**: No.

#### EXIT

[*As this scene plays out, the white windows of the EXIT start to turn the dark blue of outer space and the lights dim accordingly.*]

* **St****a****py**: Wh- what's that?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Oh no, it's happening again!
* **Bracel****ety**: We're going to be left in the *darkness!*
* **8****-****Ball**: What do you mean, *again*?
* **Li****y**: This has seriously happened before, after I was eliminated.
* **David**: Aw, seriously?
* **St****a****py**: Right after you were eliminated, eh? I think I know what that means.
* **8****-****Ball**: So do I. Four is dying.
* **P****e****nci****l**, **Bracel****ety**, **Li****y**: *What?*
* **8****-****Ball**: It happened before, in episode 6. I killed him.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Double what?
* **8****-****Ball**: Well, with my team of A Better Name Than That.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Yeah... I suppose GB does have that effect on people.
* **Li****y**: OMS, we're all going to be alive while Four's dead! Now's our chance to escape!

[*The lights stop dimming.*]

* **Bracel****ety**: Huh, that's weird!
* **P****e****nci****l**: It should be pitch black by now.
* **Li****y**: What's keeping the light on?

[*Stapy points at a picnic blanket, with a light coming out of it.*]

* **St****a****py**: Lookie here.
* **Li****y**: I've found my next adventure!

[*Liy takes out the picnic blanket, revealing* **Firey Jr.** *taking a nap.*]

* **Li****y**: Oh! It's a little thing!
* **8****-****Ball**: Where I come from, we call this insect a *vaga-lume*.
* **Ma****tch**: Who let a, like, *bug* into this EXIT?
* **Bracel****ety**: Wait! I think I know who that is!
* **St****a****py**: Who is it?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Looks like a shrunken Firey.
* **Ma****tch**: Do you speak Pork-and-cheese, suh?
* **St****a****py**: Um... tiny Firey?

[*Firey Jr. wakes up.*]

* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: It's Firey ***JUNIORRRRRRRRRRR!***
* **Bracel****ety**: Somebody from Team ***ICE CUBE, YAAAAAY!***
* **Li****y**: Aw, he's so sweet and ickle!
* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: Nyarf! [*bites Liy*]

[*Everyone falls to the ground, laughing like in Peppa Pig.*]

### **BFB 15** – 26 August 1971

**Scene**A few months after the lava deluge. Because Four is back on Earth, the windows of the EXIT are now red.
#### EXIT

* **L****ose****r**: [*quietly, in the background*] "Dear Diary, I think I have been exiled from South Goikyan Africa..."
* **St****a****py**: [*pointing upwards*] Hey, the lights are back on.
* **8****-****Ball**: They've been on for months. Where have you been, Stapler?
* **Li****y**: But none of us could tell from the windows. [*points at the windows*] Red? Four has good taste in interior design!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Doesn't your dad, like, run an IKNO?
* **Li****y**: Shh.
* **Bracel****ety**: [*quaking in excitement*] I'm tingling!
* **Li****y**: You okay, Bracelety?
* **P****e****nci****l**: You look like you want to teach the world to sing. An oratorio.
* **Bracel****ety**: The reason I'm shaking so much is that I can sense that we're right next to *Ice Cube!*

[*Silence for a second.*]

* **Ma****tch**: Ice Cube?
* **Bracel****ety**: She doesn't seem to be moving! This is wonderful news; maybe there's a chance that her team is up for elimination and we're going to get a new friend in the realm of intellectualosity who is familiar with ***ICYYYYY!*** Yaaaaay!
* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: [*Aside, to Stapy.*] Two years later and she's still like this?
* **St****a****py**: Leave it alone, it's an affectation.
* **Ma****tch**: You still call her Ringy for bleep's sake.
* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: Yeah, well...
* **Ma****tch**: Shush. You have just answered your own question.

#### Outside world

[*Cake at Stake. In humanaho, the contestants have their early-seventies appearances.*]

* **Four**: Well, well, well, look who actually lost. If you're safe, you get a happy thought! If you got the most votes, good luck ever thinking happily again. Ice Cube is the first one happy!

[*Four touches the top of Ice Cube's head, and she begins to imagine her old friends burning to death. Bracelety is not among them.*]

* **Ice Cube**: [*appearing big in the background*] *Revenge!*

[*Weird static.*]

* **Four**: Lollipop, Dora, one of you will be going away feeling empty inside.
* **Bo****ok**: [*off-screen*] Oh, I sure hope you're safe, Lollipop!
* **Lol****l****ipop**: Mm-hmm...
* **Four**: And the last one safe is...

[*Four taps the top of Lollipop's head—she has 8,044 votes compared to 11,109 for Dora.*]

* **Four**: Lollipop! Here's something to think about!

[*Lollipop starts to imagine Donut.*]

* **Donut**: I, bagel brain, bagel brain, bagel brain, bagel brain, bagel brain, bagel brain...
* **Lol****l****ipop**: [*at the same time, laughing*] Ha, ha, hee, hee, hee, ha, ha, hee, hee, hee, hee. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha...

[*As Lollipop continues to laugh in the background, Dora makes her exit speech.*]

* **Do****ra**: Dadadada. Dadadadadadadada. Dadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadada dadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadada. Dadadadadada, dadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadada, dadadadadadadadadadadadada dadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadada. Dadadadadadadadadadadadadada dadadadadadadadadadadada, dadadadadadadadadadadada— [*Subtitles: "Of course. It's as I feared. An island eater such as myself has always been fated to go hungry. As I starve, trapped in the depths of this number's wretched, squishy body, my final thought will be that of the time I've spent with you all. If only I could stay for just one moment longer, perhaps I would reveal—"*]
* **Four**: Stop being so dramatic!
* **Do****ra** [*getting sucked into Four*] DADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADADA...

#### EXIT

* **Bracel****ety**: Shh, someone's coming!

[*Pencil perks up.*]

* **Ma****tch**: It's the eliminated contestant!
* **8****-****Ball**: Ooh, let's see who it is.

[*The door opens. Enter* **Dora**.]

* **Everyone**: Dora!
* **Do****ra**: Dadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadada! [*Subtitles: "Alas, I have met up with my foe."*]
* **David**: ***AW, SERIOUSLY!!!***

[*Dora and David engage in an epic battle to the death. Laser beams come out of their eyes with the same intensity, cancelling each other out, but they don't die because they are equally powerful. Pencil is oblivious to this fight and stands up from her seat with a puzzled look on her face.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Wait a minute, guys...
* **Li****y**: Hush, this is intense.

[*Pencil stands against the front door. She hears extremely muffled laughter coming from outside.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: No, come here, listen!
* **Ma****tch**: But we're, like, watching this fight. David and Dora are, like, battling.
* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: They're breaking Four's no-fighting rule!
* **8****-****Ball**: I bet $8 on Dora.
* **Ma****tch**: Cheap-o.
* **8****-****Ball**: Fine, make it $8 and an eighth of a cent.
* **P****e****nci****l**: But I think... I hear Pen.
* **Li****y**: No way.

[*Liy gets up and presses her head against the door. Match stands next to her.*]

* **Li****y**: Hey, that does sound like Pen! And Bottle and Remote, too!
* **Ma****tch**: Omg, like, Death P.A.C.T.ers!
* **Li****y**: Yeah. I promised myself that I'd be friends with each and every one of them when I saw them again. Well, except Pen.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Tsst.
* **Ma****tch**: Okay, like, what did my brother do this time?
* **Li****y**: He watched bowling with me the night after Pencil was eliminated.
* **Ma****tch**: Coolio.
* **Li****y**: *Coolio*? I thought you'd have a more negative reaction, you know, because she's your best friend and all.
* **Ma****tch**: To be honest, I don't really blame him.
* **[** **Li****y** · **P****e****nci****l** **]**: What?

[*Match leans down against the door.*]

* **Ma****tch**: Penc-Penc, you remember when I was seeing that guy, Keyson?
* **P****e****nci****l**: The one with two mouths and an oversized leg.
* **Ma****tch**: Mm-hmm. It was 1967, the Summer of Love. Well, you'll never guess where we first watched the bobo together.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Don't tell me. You were at his girlfriend's funeral.
* **Ma****tch**: No, actually, it was her wake. Or whatever Christians call it.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Match!
* **Ma****tch**: They had a TV there! But that's not the point I'm trying to, like, make. My point is that we were having fun. It was all in the name of a good time, and that's, like, it.
* **Li****y**: And that, you know, is exactly how Pen sees it too. Like, you hear him laughing outside. That's exactly how he laughed when we were, you know, watching the bobo. Dipping him in the inkwell. Discussing Goikyan Uganda.
* **P****e****nci****l**: I get it, Liy.

[*They can hear Pen, Bottle and Remote fall onto the ground of the Fourest.*]

* **Bot****tle**, **P****en**, **R****e****m****ot****e**: Again! Again! Again!
* **Li****y**: He begged me to lay all my love on him *again* in the same way!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Why are you even telling me this? I know every noise his disposable ballpoint arse can make.
* **Li****y**: Because, the twentieth time we watched the game together, I asked him why it was that he laughed so much. He gave me a *skit*-eating grin, like he always does, and then he said, "'Cause I'm having so much fun!" And then I hear Match's story about how she Sam Lagged the guy at his own girlfriend's death party, and I've realized something. Match, you'd better listen up, because this is about you.
* **Ma****tch**: Really? What is it?
* **Li****y**: Your family's insane.
* **Ma****tch**: Like, *excuuuuuse* me?
* **Li****y**: You're more cuckoo than those birds from the country people think I'm from.
* **Ma****tch**: Well, I think it's more of a question of, like, feeling liberated, you know...

[*Liy and Match's conversation fades out as they return to their seats and discuss with each other. Pencil stands by the door and listens to the other, muffled conversation.*]

* **T****r****e****e**: Don't you think this is a waste of time? We've found a way to Four's mouth; we could be leaving already.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: I mean, we've already found Pillow. I'd say we can just take our time. When's the last time you saw Remote this happy, anyway? This is good for her.
* **T****r****e****e**: Well, excuse me for wanting to be outside in the sun, instead of this disgusting field of Four-shape growths.

[*Pencil sighs and looks down. Fade to a few minutes later: David and Dora are still fighting, this time with swords.*]

* **Ma****tch**: Penc-Penc, you coming?
* **P****e****nci****l**: I wish I could, but I can't move my legs!
* **8****-****Ball**: Do aerobic exercises like everyone else.
* **P****e****nci****l**: No, I mean, I can't just leave this area. I want to open this door so badly...

[*Liy goes up to the door. Dramatic music begins to play.*]

* **Li****y**: Pencil, you're not serious about talking to Pen. He's competing.
* **P****e****nci****l**: He's not competing now! He's... having fun. I don't know what his team's doing out there, but it's obvious they'd rather do that than the actual challenge.
* **Li****y**: That's ridiculous. Challenges are his favourite thing to do!
* **St****a****py**: I thought his favourite thing to do was look at himself.
* **Li****y**: Stay out of this, Stapy.
* **P****e****nci****l**: I'm dead serious, Liy, the tool is having fun. He's just enjoying his time and not taking anything seriously. And it's starting to make a bit of sense right now. I just need to process it.
* **Li****y**: Pencil, don't tell me you've joined the dark side. Do you even remember what you told me? The first thing you'd do if Pen ever approached you again?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Yes. I should dig a hole in the ground, stick him in there and set fire to his upper half. But this is different. At least let me see what he looks like. I'm going to show myself and go "Yoo-hoo, remember me, ya big stupid fop?"
* **P****en**: [*outside, just noticing the door to the EXIT*] Whoooooaaaaa!
* **Li****y**: No, I should be the one to stick my head out, because I'm the curious one.
* **P****en**: Door?
* **P****e****nci****l**: No, I should! I was eliminated first!
* **Li****y**: At least I have a plan to escape!
* **Pill****ow**: [*right outside the door*] *Dooooooooooooooor!*
* **Li****y**: Which I suddenly have to change. Pillow! Pillow! Hey, Pillow, show us the way out of here!

[*Screaming can be heard from outside, followed by silence.*]

* **Li****y**: Maybe they're still there?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Or they've been murdered by our Four-rible host!

[*Liy and Pencil look at each other. They open the door together and stick their heads out. Emptiness—Death P.A.C.T. are out of Four's body.*]

* **Li****y**: They're gone. *Fan*-y and Lightning!
* **P****e****nci****l**: I'm sorry. I should have known how much escaping meant to you.
* **Li****y**: Yeah, well...

[*Awkward silence.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: So you and Pen... twenty times?
* **Li****y**: Twenty-one. By then he was just my brainless bowling buddy.

[*Pencil and Liy laugh.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: I suppose we're friends again.
* **Li****y**: Sure.

[*They hug.*]

* **Li****y**: Let's hope this lasts.

### **BFB 16** – 20 December 1971

**Scene**Weird static as a transition to the next episode. Irony.
#### Inside Four

* **P****e****nci****l**: [*to Liy*] Euuuuuurrrrgh.
* **Ma****tch**: But what about my, like, break time?
* **Li****y**: Do it, or the two of you are demoted to *bember*.

[*Pencil and Match are shocked.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Uh...
* **[** **P****e****nci****l** · **Ma****tch** **]**: Sure thing!

[*Pencil and Match climb the tower of objects.*]

* **Li****y**: [*nemini loquens*] Well, that friendship lasted.
* **St****a****py**: Um, Liy? You'd better see this.
* **Li****y**: What is it now?
* **St****a****py**: The door to the classroom is missing.
* **Li****y**: I know; Loser threw it up.
* **St****a****py**: With his hands?
* **Li****y**: No, with his windpipe. /s What the heck, Stapy, you were there!
* **8****-****Ball**: Hey, Liy, what if we don't get out?
* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: That would be kind of scary.
* **St****a****py**: Don't worry, there's nothing to be afraid of.
* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: You're right, Mom.
* **St****a****py**: And besides, it's not like all this matters anyway; we're going to escape! There's literally a light at the end of the tunnel!

[*Stapy points upwards.*]

* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: That's Four's mouth.
* **8****-****Ball**: And a very useful apparatus it is. Though I'd prefer if no sound came through it.
* **St****a****py**: Come on, guys, watch as I climb up this thing.
* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: Oh no, Mom, you ain't gonna show off your arrogance this time!
* **St****a****py**: Zhuzh! [*starts climbing up the tower with Liy*]
* **8****-****Ball**: Firey Jr., why do you call Stapy your mother?
* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: Why is your favourite number 8?
* **8****-****Ball**: Actually, I don't have a favourite number.

[*Part of Spongy's body appears out of a point.*]

* **Ma****tch**: [*on top of the tower, holding Pencil and Loser*] What's that?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Ew, gross!

[*Weird static, view of the outside world.*]

* **Spon****gy**: I'm really hot!

[*Weird static, view of Four chasing* **Loser** *and* **Spongy**, *who are on the outside. Another bout of weird static, this time to the contestants falling on the ground.*]

* **St****a****py**: Ugh.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Oh great, we're on the ground.
* **Ma****tch**: And we've, like, lost our hero!

[*They all lie down in a state of relaxation.*]

* **Ma****tch**: Oh no, we're going to have to... lie down. Omg, I can get used to this feeling.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Poor Loser, he's gone the way of the Spongy.
* **Bracel****ety**: And *Ice Cube!*
* **St****a****py**: Come on, guys, let's go to the classroom and work on another plan.
* **8****-****Ball**: But the classroom's gone, remember?
* **St****a****py**: Oh yeah.
* **Bracel****ety**: It's not gone! If somebody moves the door to where it was, we can enter it in no time!
* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: Alright, who's going to do that?
* **St****a****py**: Liy, you're mighty and virile.
* **Li****y**: What did you just call me?
* **St****a****py**: Can you please put the door back?
* **Li****y**: Mmmmm... I'll get to it... as quickly... as I can.

[*Liy falls asleep from exhaustion, followed by everyone else.*]

### **EXIT scenes from TPOT 1** – 9 May 1972

**Scene**Four (or maybe five) months later, the contestants are still lying on Four's floor. One by one, they wake up, starting with **Stapy**.
#### Inside Four

* **St****a****py**: [*slurred speech*] ♫ Good morning, starshine... The Earth says hello... ♫

[*Nonexisty falls on his head.*]

* **St****a****py**: Ow.

[*Liy rises aggressively.*]

* **Li****y**: Get up, Stapy, it's time for Plan B! Every second counts, so let's hurry!
* **St****a****py**: Right. Hup!

[*Stapy knocks over the whole tower of objects.* **Roboty** *and* **Firey Jr.***, who were temporarily part of the tower,* *fall down with it. Liy and Stapy bring the classroom back by putting the sign and the door where they were before, and they enter the room. The commotion is so loud that it wakes everyone up.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Ah, huh?

#### New EXIT

[*Inside the classroom, which now emits a golden-ish glow, Liy pries the wooden boards off the door that she had wanted to open so strongly before as Stapy watches.*]

* **Li****y**: Huuunh!

[*Enter* **Pencil**, *who opens the door with great force. Since she has spoken too much in this episode, all instances of her speaking have been replaced by piano music.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: [*piano music*]
* **Li****y**: I didn't even get to take a peek before Four caught me and boarded it up. I *won't* hesitate this time.

[*Liy uses Stapy's staple to open the door, the ending of TPOT 1. This smoothly transitions to the stinger of TPOT 2, in which Pencil yells at her to come back.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: [*piano music*]

[*On the other side is the realistic farm, to which Liy escapes.*]

* **Li****y**: Wow! What is this place?
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*piano music*]
* **Li****y**: *Mooooooo!* [*walks out on all fours*]
* **St****a****py**: Let her follow her dreams, Pencil.

[*Pencil looks at a photograph, which is prematurely revealed to be one of her lettuce pictures. We wouldn't see what it is until TPOT 3.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: [*piano music*]

[*Eventually, the piano music takes up the rest of the second part of this episode, which is an otherwise silent montage of key moments from the other TPOT episodes: Match silently talking about ships and the door getting knocked in TPOT 4, Liy returning as a human-lightswitch hybrid and singing a country song in TPOT 6, Liy turning back to an object in TPOT 7, Bracelety installing a television set in TPOT 8, David vanishing through the ceiling in TPOT 9, David returning in TPOT 13, Roboty singing in TPOT 14, Liy discovering the vent system in TPOT 15, Liy hesitating to climb said vent system in TPOT 16, X returning with Four administering an exam and abandoning their students out of anger in TPOT 18, Liy floating through many dimensions in TPOT 19 and 20 and, as the last piece of archived footage, Liy returning, taking a nap on top of the desk and waking up with an ominous expression in TPOT 23. Suddenly, we got some new footage:* **Liy** *has invited all the* **other EXITers** *to climb through the vent system with her, and they are all trailing behind. They start crawling through the ceiling excitedly until a flash of light sends them into the void. View of the EXIT... the door handle starts to rattle (something subtle that a viewer may only notice after watching it a few more times). The same weird static from earlier takes us to the third part of this half-time special: the present day.*]

Click **here** to continue to the next part.
## Deleted scenes (from the first half)

* In the scene that takes place the day after Pencil is eliminated, Pen sings to Remote, "Renata, Renata, Renata, you'll always be my *innamorata*". This is a reference to an obscure 1962 song by none other than the real-life ink machine himself. This was dropped after I remembered that her object name is just Remote and Renata is just a spelling error from the days of RLBFB and my episode reviews. I still type *Renata* for Remote by accident sometimes!
* Liy was going to mutter under her breath, "*Din jävla bläckdispenser*"—"you fucking ink dispenser". I dropped it because the J-word is profane, and I don't know which English swear word it is on the same level of intensity as.
	+ I kept her saying *fan*, which might be a worse word in Swedish. In English, it's the name of an *Inanimate Insanity* contestant.
* Leafy was going to apologize to Yahweh. Literally.
* Pen was going to say the "intellectualosity" in this episode, actually in the last part. I changed it to Bracelety because her new old character trait is making up words on the spot.
* In BFB 12:

**Li****y**: What a strange tradition.
**8****-****Ball**: Do you seriously not come from a culture where serious gift-giving is seriously not a serious matter, seriously?
**David**: Aw, seriously?
**Li****y**: No. I was just wondering why Pencil never gave *me* a gift like that.
**P****e****nci****l**: Because I didn't like you back then.

* I was going to add in a Penciatch (or "Matchcil", as it's called now) love scene, but then I realized that I've never actually shipped them before.
* Match was originally the one who changed Pencil's pictures to lettuce. She had "borrowed" Ruby's spell book, along with the unabridged *Cambodian Sutra*, to take as entertainment after being eliminated. This was changed to Liy because in TPOT 3, Match did not know about the lettuce being a former picture of Pencil's (ex-)loved ones.
* The Firey Jr. scene was going to be a bit longer. I shortened it because neither Firey nor Leafy appear in the final part of the episode.
* When Dora was eliminated, the EXITers were going to spontaneously break into song and dance: They were to sing a modified version of the *Dora the Explorer* theme song and start parading in a circle. This was replaced by the *Princess Ida* bit.
* Damn! The BFB 15 scene was supposed to involve a long, drawn-out conversation between Stapy and Firey Jr. about the latter's parent issues. Stapy was to let Firey Jr. call him "Mom" in a rejection of traditional gender rôles, and I had even come up with an entire outline for it last night (16 September). I've completely forgotten to include it in the episode... although maybe it's for the best, as it would just make part 15 longer than necessary.
	+ To be fair, Firey Jr. never calls Stapy Mom in TPOT, so...
* The dialogue tag for "SP" leads to "Smallpox", not "Spongy". It was almost used in this episode!

## Notes

1. ↑ He's going to watch bowling with the people in the magazines.
2. ↑ This is the part where they were supposed to start singing.
3. ↑ I got lazy.
4. ↑ Does this actually take place directly after the EXITers fall to the ground in BFB 16? The more I watch this scene, the more I realize that it does (even though it says "about 8 months" before TPOT 1, which was filmed in December 1972)... Oh well, they can sleep for an entire winter. Animals do it all the time!

**Fake TPOT** [V]