Babylon

Babylon was an ancient city ruled by the Immortal Hammurabi nestled quaintly in the province of Shinar, within Mesopotamia. Located entirely in a towering, monstrous building (known colloquially as the Stiff of Arabia) the city housed over 200,000,000,000 individuals at its height and was a major global hegemon in the East from roughly 8,000 BB to 2,000 BB.

## Origin

Babylon was first constructed by real estate tycoon Hammurabi, whose blood ran thick by the pond of Legume. The earliest records detailing Babylon hail from 7,991 BB, in which Mesopotamian scholar Mah Ra Huck detailed the construction of a 'long circle' in the middle of the Earth's most fertile plain. Writes Mah Ra Huck;

"First, came the laymen; o, pitied filth were they-- the sun beat red upon their backs and their muscles bulged in anguish. Soon, though, came Hammurabi; their ruler and magistrate-- who bequeathed upon these workers a generous wage of $7.25 an hour-- and next, he gave unto them machines and tools with which to assist construction; not out of the goodness of his heart, no - but for the expedition of his personal interests. Hammurabi lent upon these laymen great yellow beasts of machine and steel (cranes), and instructed them n the magicks of rolling demons (steamrollers). And finally, when the first four stories of Babylon had been constructed, Hammurabi called unto his workforce and said this now- "Drink, ye slaves of Pangea- drink now from this special pond! For ye may be blessed then with the souls of the world, and ye may finally rest in peace." "

As Mah Ra Huck writes, the 'water' provided by Hammurabi did not meet Mesopotamian Health Bureau's reccomended bacterial standard; as such, 95% of the workforce soon died of dysentery on the job. Their bodies were buried in the walls of Babylon, and construction continued swimmingly.

## New Hires

After this First Plague, Hammurabi hired yet 10,000 more workers from the rice fields out West; including many sordid men of the Biden crest. Among them were Rat Biden and Hat Biden; as well as 4 Biden and Bill Biden. These were the ancestors of the Fair Mummy, and what Ancestors were they; for 4000 years later the Bidens would initiate an Exodus from Babylon... but that story is for later.

Alas, the West-hailing workers continued construction of the Babylonian Phallus, learning to utilize the equipment provided to them by Hammurabi. The city was laid in stone brick by brick, and many sharecroppers and field laborers from across the land flocked to the gates of Babylon, feasting their eyes upon its untethered glory. Soon, the population of the fair city was great, above 1,000 , and Hammurabi declared himself Great Babel King. Heed that name, dear reader, for it may have a familiar ring unto thy sundered ears.

## Hammurabi's Chode

By 7,800 BB Babylon was complete, with the dysenteried bodies of unfortunate souls left to rot within its lower crypts. Hammurabi was a great and grand King, and ruled with a golden fist. Herein, then, did Hammurabi complete his Edicts; known colloquially as 'Hammurabi's Chode' (Pronounced: Code). Herein now lay the laws of this land.

## Abide

Despite the glorious intellect of Hammurabi, several of these codes proved problematic after some time; notable, for instance, were edicts 4,9, and 12, all of whom called for the execution of basically every person the victim had every interacted with, and everyone in their vicinity. And so, by 6,500 BB Hammurabi's Chode had been scrapped completely, replaced then with Hammurabi's Second Chode. This Second Chode was the template on which Benjamin Frunklin would base the United States Constitution, several thousand years later.

## Colonies

The Babylonian Empire conquered the Mediterranean isles of Wojakia in 6,432 BB, under the successful command of Babylonian Commander Ra Ma Sap. These isles proved to be instrumental in future conflicts not just for Babylon, but for the remainder of human history.