Chanukwanzaa the Fourth

The content of this page is relevant to the Phi Timeline.

**Meta Content:** This section contains details which break reader immersion.

## Φ Preface

**> Greetings, dear Ludusians, and welcome to today's grand celebration of the holiday we've come to know as Chanukwanzaa.
> In the subsequent life of this story, you will experience something that is known as the Phi timeline; a corruptive place subject to corruption and fuckery of all sorts-- dictated by anyone who may dare to become an author.
> This alternate universe may not make sense to anyone, but, in the end, all that truly matters is that there was some form of entertainment brought about by this story's existence; some form of overused inside joke, or new light of humor brought about.
> If not, there's always good old memes.
> Enjoy.

> 8^y**

## The First Hour

~~TheFireMaster~~ Delinius Rupert Langton stands upon a table in the IDC building, and begins to sing to his cohorts:

```
'Tis the month of Chanukwanzaa
The time of all the fun 'ha ha'
We celebrate the birth of life
And put aside our grudge and strife
It's a time when we rejoice
And sing with all our voice
We hope that we survive
That Blockhead leaves our life
In the days of Chanukwanzaa
We live in peace and joy!'

```

Everybody claps, except for Revelian, who throws a tomato and then yells,

```
BAH HUMBUCK.

```

Delinius stares blankly in silent wonder for several seconds. He then gets off the table and exits the room, presumably to wash off the bits of tomato sticking to his clothes. As he exits, he mutters:

```
Revelian has no sense for music... what a bloody shame. I would not have missed the tomato if it hadn't been there...

```

Delinius hears a noise behind him while cleaning up his clothes. He turns around. It is Revelian.

```
Do NOT insult the TOMATOES my FRIEND

```

A boss battle ensues.

Delinius cooks the tomato and proceeds to eat it, after which Revelian takes another tomato. Because he has a lot of those on his person, it seems.

In the anger stewing from the tomato fiasco, Revelian's eye glows sharper and steadier with each passing moment. He throws an onslaught of  ~~vegetables~~  fruits at Delinius, each thrown with more vigor than the first. Getting close to feeling out of breath, Delinius stops and interrogates his opponent:

```
How do you have this many tomatoes....?

```

Revelian lets out a dark and twisted chuckle. His cloak billowing, his true form is finally revealed to all. He is made entirely out of tomatoes.

```
I have no other option, it seems... I shall have to consume you, no matter what!

```

Delinius then takes a humongous frying pan from nowhere.

```
With this as my tool and weapon, I will defeat you!

```

Revelian glances at Delinius' pan and lets out yet another roar of laughter. The winds howl behind him in a chorus. He levitates far above Delinius, looking down upon him, an ant among giants. Tomato stems begin extending out of his juicy tomato body, giving him grappling vine limbs. From his eye pours a substance, upon first glance appearing to be blood, but which is in truth tomato juice. A dozen tomatoes revolve around him rapidly. He is the eye of the storm.

```
Do you honestly believe you can defeat ME?

```

Launching another wave of tomatoes, Revelian taunts Delinius:

```
REV-elian up those FRYERS

```

Delinius then drowns in ketchup.

```
and it tasted great.

```

Despite his apparent defeat, Delinius is now an Ethereal ghost and rises up from the ketchup puddle, using fire and fries to construct physical armor around his incorporeal body.

```
 If I cannot defeat you being alive.. I will defeat you being dead!

```

A bunch of ghosts show up in the background and eat ghost popcorn. (It's a very fancy time.)

Delinius summons a barrage of fries that absorb the ketchup. He then continues to spam fries at ~~Tomatoface~~ Revelian, and summons several creatures completely made from burritos. These creatures then begin to throw the thing they comprise of at Revelian, invulnerable to the tomatoes.

```
 You have underestimated my power, and most importantly that of the noble BURRITO!

```

Meanwhile, a janitor happened to stumble across the scene. When the burrito creatures were summoned, he simply ran away crying. BUT HE MATTERS NOT.

The janitor's gentle tears hit the cold and callous floor, pooling below the battle's feet. Echoing, Revelian heard their noise resounding, bouncing off walls and onto the corn-ground burrito shells, back into his own tomato-formed earlobes. His eye glossed the scene once more. The fire of dead Delinius, revitalized and brought from beyond the grave, entered his mind.

Someone started crying. Revelian looked around to see who it was, not realizing it was himself, devastated by the destruction and anger within himself.

```
  this is CHANUKWANZAA and we're fighting each other i just wanted you to RESPECT TOMATOES

```

Delinius notices his tears and laughs.

```
 And I merely felt that you did not respect my SINGING... What have we done?

```

He walks over to the ketchup-covered body of himself and cleans some of it off. He then returns to it and comes back among the living. As Revelian continues to sob, Delinius cleans everything up. Everything, yes, apart from Revelian.

And then, Delinius and Revelian hugged it out, thus breaking the spell that had plagued all Ethereals and Matterkind since the old days of war.

And it was good.

The end.

...

...
...

you sure about that, kid!
because, see, from my perception layer, we're far from the end of this story!
how about i give you a little push in the right direction!

## The Gammath to the power of Semi-Iodineth Hour

This story is about spiders and bugs now.

Delinius is a fire ant and Revelian is a black widow because in that one story he kills Umbra and has a stick up his ass while he monologues about redemption or something

Mori, of course, is a queen bee (). She also has like a billion bee babies ().

Delinius, seeing both creatures (and noting that the queen is an ant rather than a bee- \*shot\*), screams and runs off... and gets caught in a web.

```
Okay you know what be quiet the symbol looks like a bee when I'm zoomed out and
 there's the letter B in the name and also its yellow. This is entirely an
 acceptable mistake to make. I'm still the queen of whatever insects

```

Mune-san is (still) a moth.

So is Sofr.

Revelian spells out the word "FUCK" using webbing. It's beautiful.

Meanwhile Hank is a grub because Alternian Reasons and also-

```
FUCKING SHIT!!!! FUCKING SHIT!!!!

```

...okay whose idea was it to reverse the aging of this hapless being of a go-

```
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.... FUCK THE EMPORESS!

```

Yeah he needs a pacifier alright.

```
At *last*, I have burnt myself free of this silly web... Hm, what's that?

```

He crawls over to the freaked-out grub and watches for a brief moment.

```
Excuse me, what exactly are you worried about? Surely there's nothing dangerous at this moment?

```

Unfortunately, he dies when a splash of water hits him. Which came from a garden hose, because that's where this probably happens. And even if it doesn't it's still a garden hose. Why a garden hose? Because someone was apparently watering the garden. And why were they watering the garden, you might ask? *Because that's what you usually do when you have a garden!*

In any case, Delinius drowns yet again, this time in cold water. Before he dies, however, he manages to bring out:

```
CURSE YOU, EVIL GARDEN HOSE! YOU SHALL FEEL THE BURNING THAT YOU DESERVE!

```

He still dies, sadly.

## The Seventeenth Hour

It's time for a change. It's time for Sam.

```
HEHA.

```

Let's say that, now, Samuel has replaced the character's anthro-conceptual. Now everyone is a Sam-like creature. Sam's form has been changed to Sam's form which has been changed to Sam's form which has been changed to Sam's form which has been changed to Sam's form which has been changed to Sam's form which has been changed to Sam's form which has been changed to Sam's form which has been changed to Sam's form which has been changed to Sam's form which has been changed to Sam's form which has been changed to Sam's form which has been changed to Sam's form which has been changed to Sam's form which has been changed to Sam's form which has been changed to Sam's form which has been changed to Sam's form.

Anyway, we now have Samuel^17, Samori, SM, Deliniusam, Revelisam, Samkvi, Samst, Zamuel, Samercuron, etc...

Suddenly...

Josewong: Samuel17 Do You Like Green Snailmanium And Hammer(s)

However, this zone was particularly difficult, as a lot of people looked the SAM-e. Distinguishing and numbering all of the Sams or coming up with everyone's Sam name distracted the Chanukwanzaa story from its true purpose. One Sam rose above all the rest to attempt to return the narrative to reason. This Sam was Samuel 16.

```
16: SAMple! Hear out my words with great notion! We are all unique and we should
 not let the SAMtator control our lives. This day will go down in the ages as today
 is the day.

```

The other Sams ~~fondly~~ regarded the situation as a Sam dared to rebel:

```
Samkvi: bunp. back to work.
Deliniusam: pizza burrito.
Zamuel: sam means creation in samenese.
Revelisam: i can't curse you motherdoofing piece of be;pe.
Samercuron: yes, hm, yes, time...
Samshot: i am the samshot. now, lol
Samro: ...sicnec pusn?
Samori: ~~praise lord 017~~
Samst: we have a crime to pull out and i no want kill me.
Samune: ●u●
Samivan-2-4+7(7): rebellion is good, yes?
SM: i'm a samghost, with extra cheese hold the sauce.
SamHardcore: wait what

```

But then, the great ~~Lord 017~~ Samuel^17 resounded the whole of the zone:

```

DOOF

```

Yes, this was the sacred word. All the SAMple rejoiced...

```
SAMple: THE SAM HAS SPOKEN

```

...except for the 16th Sam.

```
16: Then let's SAM this up, then.

```

In a cyan flash, he had transformed to the most unexpected character since the Samish Inquisition: Samta Claus.

```
Hoo hoo hoo! Time to get your present, Sammy-boy, for you're the only entry on my
 SAMMY list.

```

Samta Claus had summoned a ginormous can of SAM, courtesy of Deliniusam, and proceeded to crush Samuel^17 with it.

Silence dominated for a while, but Samuel^17 had lifted the can without effort.

```

I AM 17! TIMES STRONGER THAN THE AVERAGE LUDUSIAN.

```

Samuel^17 countered by crushing Samta Claus with the SAM can!!

Samta Claus took Mortal Damage!

Samta Claus got hurt and collapsed...

The SAMple rejoiced. However, the rejoice did not last, as Samuel^17 had crushed Samta Claus with such force that the contained SAMEAT had spread all over the zone's floor, taking out the SAMple along.

When it was all over, only Samuel^17 was left... and the Green Snailmanium and its hammers for no peanuts.

```

...WHAT HAVE I DONE?

```

Samta Claus, along with the SAMple, were suffocated by the SAMEAT. Not only did he take out his Czarro counterpart from before the former was ever evolved from a based Sam, but also any remnants of the spirit of Chanukwanzaa - seemed to have faded.

Suddenly, Samuel^17 realized he wasn't the only one. Due to the Czarro influence, SAMGO was just about ready to prepare a Knackle Sandwitch.

But then SAMGO had accidentally all over the zon~~al bleeding~~e and it became the biggest SAM Knackle Sandwich ever made - breaking a Guinnessam world record if it ever existed.

```
B̻̒̿͊̑ͨ͂Ṛ̬̫͇̪̪̯́̑ͭ̅̂U͎̠̳̻̯̥̽̃̕Ņ̳̞̠̯̼͋̈͛͂̅̌̂C̘ͮḨ̜ͤ ͙͕͇̤̥̿̏̌́̒T̛̲I̺̝͋͌ͪM̢͔͙ͯ̔ͫ̓ͦE̢̬̞ͫ͋̆͊͂

```

Sadly, SammeneR (formerly The Sammener of Sams) ate the whole sandwich to xis delight. SAMGO however, wasn't happy that his brunch or whatever is ruined.

```
C̞͔̤̺͆ͨͯͦ͗ͣ̚Ó͚̙̬̙̀̓̑̓͡M̶͉̱͇̝̟ͨͮ̀̀͘E̢̙͕̞̠͓̰͕͕̮ͩ̏ͩ́̓͗̎̚͡ ̮͓̏̃͐͆Ḫ̡̻͊ͬ̽́́E̡̜͂̈́̆ͣ̊ͧ̎̂ͪ̕R͎̼͚̘͍̳͉͉ͫ͛͗ͪ͠E͗ͧ̉͆̔̆̔̿ͧ҉͇͚͖͈̳͜ͅ,͖͚͕̖̤͒̓͌͝ ́̆̕͏̣̰̠Y̓ͤ͋͊̔̔̚҉̬̭̲̤͈̣̮̰̠Â̻͔̖̿͜͢ ̨̛̦̱̘̻̘̲̳̦ͦ͛̒ͨ̽́̐̇̉Ḑ̨̟̺̝̥͓͕̦̱̑̾̇Ő̸̦̜̻̤̍Ó͚̟̋Ḟ͕̝̟̟̦͐̓̓ͅ

```

SammeneR did not relent, and soon ate SAMGO along with the rest of the zone. ~~That was a spicy Explosion Orb~~. How did xe manage to eat everything? Why since Realm of the Script Kiddie, of course.

The end!

....

....
....

That was the worst episode of Delinius' Incredubious Cooking Knowledge Show I've ever seen!

Too much drama on my ~~salty~~ purple-tear-soaked popcorn!!!!

Let's change the channel to six hours later, shall we?
## Six Hours Later

Hankvi Guidza was in the office the whole day, minus the one hour left. Today was a special day - for it was Chanukwanzaa. (Fact: Chanukwanzaa Can Not Die, It Is Always Restored Six Hours Later</Titledrop>) A project was in the making - the biggest one to date, but what was it? No one knew. It was on the 23rd hour and 6th minute, that he came out of the office, all tired like due to having been awake for so long.

Hankvi: Phew I made my project with one hour to spare. I also made a button in 6 minutes that takes me "6 hours to the future."

Hankvi: Time to test to see if Josewong is right I'm going to use GitTimeHub to fork the timeline and press the button in the fork "to see what happens."
Hankvi presses the button in the forked timeline while not pressing it in the main timeline.

Six hours in the future in the forked timeline:

Forked Hankvi: My button worked! Now it's time to check if "Josewong is right."

Forked Hankvi searches the building for evidence that "Chanukwanzaa Is Restored".

Forked Hankvi: According to the decorations "Chanukwanzaa is still there." That means "Chanukwanzaa is restored." Time to relay the information to my past self via GitTimeHub.

Main Hankvi receives the evidence that "Chanukwanzaa Is Restored".

Main Hankvi: My plan it worked I now know that "Josewong is right"