LU 269 - Mira 14

I was startled awake by the sound of someone almost yelping as if in pain, however wincing from the wound in my left arm that had only just been patched up prior to me falling asleep. I groaned as I sat up, getting out of the medical bed, and huffed to myself- Hopefully that person wasn't Styg... He's probably out in the garden or something, right-? But I heard the noise from the windows- Was there somebody out front..? I decided to go check it out, suspicious of what - or who - the source of the noise could have been-

My eyes landed on a tall winged fellow, which caused me to almost panic. The person appeared to just be walking around the fountain just outside, to which I just stared at them to ensure they weren't doing anything.. odd. Not that just walking around the fountain wasn't odd as it was, but something just felt *off* about them. Another thing that was *off* about them was the fact that they were now staring directly at me, as if I had been in sight for too long- Oh, wait. I was.

The person and I had just stared at one another for a moment, though it almost felt as though they had.. been *making eye contact-* Of course it irritated me at first, in which they appeared to notice as they turned around as if ready to run, so I just jumped out of the window - since it was close to the ground anyways - just to flinch as I had forgotten about the aching around the rest of my body. However, shoving that pain to the side for the moment, I began to chase after them.

*"HEY-! Who the hell are you?!"*

I caught up to him rather quickly, to which he had paused upon hearing my voice, and turned around to then lower his head. He seemed at a loss for words for a moment, before speaking up, albeit stuttering; *"I uh, saw you. Hurt. From the fight."*

His words caused me to freeze up, realizing that someone had seen me fight in that *war that I didn't want to be a part of-*... I shook off the thought, narrowing my gaze at him, as I questioned him if he had been there to see it all. He had only confirmed my suspicion, which caused me to groan to myself.

He had apologized for 'speaking plainly' soon after having answered, which confused me for a moment. Why would this guy apologize for something like that-? *"Why were you there?"* I adjusted my stance awkwardly, seeing that he still kept his head low. Standing almost rigidly in my presence... *why?* *"I- I followed you,"* he admitted, to which I scoffed.

*"Why would you follow me? What are you- some sorta stalker or somethin'..?"* I questioned him, trying to make it seem almost joke-like in a way-

However he appeared to panic, claiming that it wasn't meant to be in a 'creepy way', and because he wanted to ensure I 'got to safety'... Was this guy just worried about my health? My thoughts were cut off by him continuing to speak, however. And I wish I hadn't let him, even if he had stuttered. *"Forgive me for sneaking around- Forgive me, Your Majesty..."*

My blood ran cold as I heard that title, being used to refer to me. ***I thought that someone using that title against me would have died with Tori when I killed him**.* Had he told other fucking people?! I needed an answer, so I demanded for it. I questioned his name, and how he even knew of that *forsaken* title of mine. The title that I hadn't wanted to hear ever again- *Why did this guy know it?* Are winged people some sort of hivemind, gaining knowledge of another if they die? No, that'd be ridiculous. Nevertheless, I had finally received an answer from the winged person...

*"My name is Laozi- I am a researcher- A- A scholar, from Nol.*"

. . .

***What?***

***Did I hear that right?***

Of course I had been petrified, frozen in place as I began registering what this could mean. Somebody from *Nol* was here, knew who I was- *Had he been sent out into the world by my parents, just to find me?* Surely not, ***right**?* Surely they wouldn't fucking care enough to do that after *8 fucking years* of *nothing* from them! Why *now* of all times did someone from that FUCKING KINGDOM have to show up?! I thought that I had kept myself hidden enough as well- Apparently fucking not.

*"Why are you here,"* my words sounded more like a demand rather than a question like they were meant to be. This guy- Laozi- I needed answers from him. Only the things I needed to know.

*"I am here to return the heir to the throne... I am here to retrieve you,"* he had responded with such a tone that pissed me off. I merely told him that I wouldn't be returning as I was of no royal status anymore, hoping that me saying such a thing would be enough to deter him from staying any longer than he needed to- *But apparently fucking not.*

*"You are the only child of the current Monarchs. Without you, your family's reign will come to an end... Without a sure heir to lead the people of Nol, our city will dissolve into chaos-"*

... I had to restrain myself from slapping him and just walking back to Styg's house. He went on about the fact I was the heir, about how I was needed to continue the rule over *Nol-* I wasn't *needed!* Not after 8 years. I never wanted to be needed there ever since I decided that one day I would leave that retched place. They didn't *need* me, they just *wanted* me back. *The opposite of what I want.*

*"I.. don't care for Nol anymore, sorry to say,"* I spoke with as much truth in my voice as I could muster, trying to act dismissive.

But he was persistent, saying annoying things that only further got on my nerves, like *"You don't? But- You are the heir-"* and *"Without you, war will break out,"* which prompted me to nearly lash out as I stared at his face directly.

*"Laozi. I. Don't. Care."*

If I had to spell it out after saying such a thing, just for him to understand, I probably wouldn't hold myself back anymore.

He appeared silent for a moment as he frowned, to which I had to reassure that I was sure he was a good person- But that any care I had left for Nol had disappeared a long time ago. Yet he dared to respond, in a way as if trying to guilt me. *"You do not care for the lives that will be lost in your absence?"*...

I kept my mouth shut, staring at him as I let him speak. I regretted doing such, however. *"I apologize for speaking so directly, but without a sure claim to the throne, fights will surely break out in your kingdom. War will break lose..."*

... He referred to it as *my* kingdom. I felt sick to my stomach. I wanted him to shut up, yet he continued speaking to fill in the silence that I left. *"Your Majesty, your parents- Are you so naive that you are unaware what will happen to them without the stability your presence provides?"* He appeared to continue questioning me as if I was stupid. As if I didn't know the consequences of my departure. Hell, even going so far as *mentioning my parents?*

*"My parents? Psh- They were more like captors-!"* I let it be known, that the mere mention of my supposed 'parents' had only caused me to get pissed off more than I already was.

*"Do none of Nol know what I had to endure? Even after all this time?"* My voice spat each word like venom as my tail lashed behind me, feeling myself teetering on the edge of attacking him, just *thinking* of such things. *"Where it could have leaked out of the palace walls, by a maid or butler- Hell, even the guards-!"*

Laozi kept his mouth shut after, as if he was registering what I had said. I had hoped that what I had said had finally told him that I didn't want to go back, just to end up disappointed as he opened his trap to speak again; *"You told me you are no longer a royal, therefore I will not speak to you like one..."*

*"Are you fucking stupid??"*

... The gall this fucking guy had. I clenched my hands into fists, trying to hold myself back from lashing out- Trying to be the better person. I've caused too much bloodshed as it was- Lost too many people. I didn't need this guy to end up getting me deeper in shit street than I already was. So I questioned what lead him to asking such a question, attempting to keep my cool.

However I was rendered ignored as he had proclaimed that I was *selfish* because I was *'born privileged'.* Fucking *selfish!* ***Selfish?!?***

*"Your desires- Your selfishness will cause a war. Have you never seen the aftermath of battle?"* He queried me as if I hadn't just gone through one-! That fucking fight was the whole reason he even *knew I was here!* So I decided to let that be known; *"I have. Far too many times. Over the course of 8 years, I've had more FREEDOM than I had in the 20 years that I was imprisoned in my room! I've seen battles won, battles lost-"* I paused in the middle of my sentence, taking a step back as I raised my head, looking down on him. *"I have been **part** of them!"*

*"You do not know battles of your kingdom,"* he began which prompted a growl to escape me, trying to cut off his sentence right there.

*"I wonder why that is,"* referring to what I had JUST said with spite evidence in my voice, before he continued despite my interruption.

*"Because you have had the privilege of not having to get your hands dirty to prove a point."* I almost facepalmed at his current idiocy.

*"Well now that I've gotten my hands dirty, I prefer the lack of privilege that I was born with,"* I let out with a slight distortion to my voice.

*"Then you do not care for the bodies that will fall because of you,"* he began. I could see him step towards me, as if attempting to intimidate me- Yet I dared not back down as I opened my mouth to reply, only for him to continue his little talk.

*"I saw you, charging into that battle yesterday, with the blood lust of someone who has never made a decision that will cause mass casualties."*... I kept my mouth shut after he spoke, trying to process what my response to that statement should be. I *had* in fact been through such things. But I was too ticked off to think properly, so I responded simply after a moment of contemplation; *"Then you should know that I do, in fact, not care for the bodies that will fall from my choice to be free of the burden of royalty."*

*"Then you are exactly as I imagined you to be,"* he fluttered his wings behind himself, almost as if he was getting ready to take off- But I wasn't ready for him to leave just yet. *I needed to get him to understand.*

*"And what did you imagine me to be, hm?"* I went to fold my arms over one another, however soon regretting that as I flinched, feeling a shooting pain in my left arm when I tried. That still needs to heal properly... I also grew to regret asking the question I had asked when Laozi replied. *"A spitting image of your parents."*

I felt myself grow pale as I let those words sink in. Had I- Had I been acting like them? Like the very people I had hoped to never see again in my life..? Surely not- *Surely* not! I merely told him not to compare me to them, just to earn a response I dreaded hearing from him.

*"Congratulations, Heir. Your head is shaped for a crown to sit upon. If you do not wish to be compared to them, do not act like they would."*

No- Nonono, surely not. He's wrong. He's ***wrong**.* I'm not. I'm not like them! I'm not like my *fucking parents!* They treated me like *shit*-

*"For the past 7 years I have raised a child the way that I wanted to be raised. Being able to be free, and have the chance to talk to people, to make friends. I don't think that I am like my parents, ha-"* I paused my words after giving a dry chuckle, trying to act as if I was being cocky with a slight smirk and condescending tone to my voice. *"I know that I'm not."*

I assumed that would be enough to convince him.

But ***apparently fucking not.***

*"Do you not think your parents did the same for you?"*

... What? Was he trying to say that they had let me be free? I- Was this guy fucking stupid? I had just- I'd just told him that they had kept me trapped in my room for as long as I had been in Nol for fuck's sake! Why is he refusing to listen to what I'm saying? So I reiterated that I had in fact *not* been free, like he said that my *'parents'* had let me- They hadn't. But yet he refused to listen to what I said again, speaking as if I hadn't.

*"Raising you to take on the burden of ruling? In your room where you were safe, where you were loved?"*

*"Where your citizens, that you have proved you do not care for, waited for you to emerge..."* he continued, to which I had interrupted once again, nearly getting in his face about it now so that I *knew* he would listen, finally; *"Oh I emerged alright, far beyond the walls of that kingdom. I didn't want to be shackled by a crown that I didn't want."*

Finally, *finally* he kept silent for once- As if he was *finally* considering what I had said. I felt almost triumphant- Yet, as I was about to turn away to leave him alone, he spoke up again... *"I will not leave without you accompanying me."*

... He was still being ***persistent**.* So I would be persistent right back to him, turning away from him as I glared at him over my shoulder. *"And I'm not going anywhere. It appears that either you remain, or leave without me. Go home, Laozi,"* I spat my words out hoping he would in fact leave like I had told him to. I turned away from him fully, hopefully for the last time, until he spoke up *again.*

*"You only have so long, Your Majesty. I have centuries to wait for you,"* Laozi spoke as if he was not yet giving up. Why? Why was he so *determined* to get me to return? I didn't understand, yet I responded with my back turned to him, clenching my hands into fists yet again.

*"And I have centuries to remain away from that place,"* which was complete truth. I wasn't going anywhere. I had people I cared about here - especially my son - and I wasn't just going to *abandon* them for unwanted royalty. I was trying to get him to *understand* that.

*"Not without carrying the weight of your peoples' deaths,"* Laozi began as I heard him flutter his wings once more. It sounded as though he was finally getting ready to take off- Which I was relieved about. *"Bodies are heavy, Your Majesty. I pray your shoulders do not break,"* he left with those words to linger in my mind as the flapping of his wings had faded into the distance.

Fuck...

I felt my eyes stinging as I simply warped back into the clinic, not wishing to go through the front door, lest I alert Styg that I had left in the first place... I didn't want him to see me like this anyways. But that Laozi guy... He was going to be a problem. He knew of my royal status, and could easily spread that to people that didn't need to know of it, nor deserve to know... I can't let that happen.