Kurt Parker

> *"It was a failure on the adults' parts, and I'm going to do everything I can to make up for it."* — Kurt Parker
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## Attributes

### Aliases

Kurt Aufderhaar (previous name)Alpha (the players)

Herr Parker (students)

Kurtman (Cynthia Hughes)

Kurtis (Cynthia Hughes)

Kurmit (Cynthia Hughes)

Kurstard (Cynthia Hughes)

My BTFFFLYB, aka Best Teacher Friend For Fucking Life You Bitch (Cynthia Hughes)

### Occupation

Aprilside Middle School German Teacher & Anime Club Advisor

### Status

Alive and Angry and AlphaTrying his darnedest not to become a spectral

## Info

### Relatives

Charleston Parker (Husband)Reuben Parker (Step-son)

Unnamed grandmother

### Birth Place

Heidelberg, Germany

Kurt Parker is the husband of Charleston Parker, and the German Teacher and Anime Club Adviser for Aprilside Middle School. He's not a spectral, and he hopes to never *be* a spectral. It's a shame that his spectral ordeal is the only thing that will not go his way.

## Profile

### Appearance

Kurt is a slightly below average height man (5'9") with fair skin. He has light blonde hair and dark green eyes. There are many freckles across his entire face, which is usually twisted into an expression of vague irritation. He is fit, though it is more on the lean side of muscular.

When he isn't wearing his normal dark dress shirt and dress pants for work, he is usually found in black jeans and a jacket. He has many tattoos along his arms and back, but they have been left unexposed because why would anyone besides family members see them.

He is almost always found visibly tense, and if he could manifest a visible aura it would be a giant neon sign that says **"Do Not Fuck With Me."** and about two hundred guns.

### Personality

Kurt is most well-known for his complete bluntness in any and all situations, never skirting around an issue to the point where he appears harsh and irritated nearly all the time. He's quick to anger and slow to de-stress.

He's a highly opinionated man, forming judgements of a person within moments of meeting them. He never doubts any of his opinions, and remains stubborn in his viewpoints unless something truly large is to affect him. He is also a lover of gossip, and partakes in spreading such among the school staff alongside his best friend Cynthia Hughes.

While he may come across as bitchy and rude, he is never outright attempting to appear as such unless he's actually upset with a person. When he does become angry, he loses his normally cool facade and is almost instantly violent, a clear example being how fast he was to grab and then kick down Akinari during their argument.

He is still loving to his family, and even if it does not come across clearly he deeply cares for his students. His teaching methods are usually straightforward in nature, but he is willing to switch it up for the sake of kids that need assistance.

## History

### Early Life

Kurt lived in Heidelberg, Germany up until he transferred colleges, spending most of the time with his family and running around the streets doing probably illegal things. He was a well-known bully in his school, but his anger was always turned towards those deserving it.

Not much has been said about his past, but one thing mentioned out of game is the fact that he was the cleanup hitter for his high school's baseball team.

### Aprilside

It is unknown why exactly he moved to Aprilside specifically, but he immediately began working in the high school. He soon met and married Charles, and transferred to the middle school alongside him.

Not much is known about what all he does in his free time, but it is known he is currently taking shots that are imbued with Yage's Spirit Magic to prevent him from becoming a spectral. It seems to fluctuate between when it does and doesn't work, as he has been repeatedly seeing shades as of recent.

## Abilities

### Storybook Magic

Kurt is the next-in-line to be the Basin of Storybook Magic, which is a family shared Magic that has the users write about their life in whatever enchanted writing tool they have, and it is saved and dispersed amongst the other enchanted items. It allows for the users to write back and forth to one another, and it is a communication tool for living family to speak with dead ancestors.

## Relationships

### Charleston Parker

Kurt was fast to fall for Charles, and his feelings haven't diminished in the slightest in the near four years that the two have known one another. He was the one to initially propose, and to ask him to renew their vows.

### Reuben Parker

He loves Ruby so much he'd do anything for this tiny son of his. Kurt is the go-to guy for any academic problems that Ruby has, and has better advice for the boy than literally anyone else.

### Cynthia Hughes

Cynthia is his Best Teacher Friend For Fucking Life You Bitch, and he'll die for her. She's the only one who Gets It, and he goes to her to gossip before literally anyone else.

## Trivia

### Quotes

* *(to Caleb)* "Well, not *my* Language per se, my grandmother's. Though, eventually, it will be mine."
* *(to Caleb)* "It's not about responsibility. You're twelve, Caleb. Act like it."
* *(to Charles)* "You're with me, okay? We're here and you're okay. You can breathe, dear, you are above water... As if I would dare think of it, Charles. You're stuck with me forever. No one else can have you."
* *(to Akinari)* "You fucking listen to me, *Akinari.* I'd rather watch him go to someone's house if it means they would actually give *any* sort of *shit* at him running away. Sure, I don't understand. He might not be my son. But that doesn't give *you* any sort of excuse to neglect him. I hold no goddamn sympathy for you losing your child to other parents in your negligence. *You don't deserve him.* Don't you *ever* fucking dare call your *son* a lost cause, you disgusting *pig.* He is a *child* that you have *given up* on. *You're* the lost cause. You simply refuse to *try* because you're *lazy,* you're *pathetic,* you're a goddamn *deadbeat.* You're not the best dad? Then *do better, bitch.* Fucking fix *yourself,* you *slob,* or I'm making *sure* your son never goes into your goddamn house *ever* again, so help me God."

### Facts

* He's fluent in English and German.
* In the few instances where the spectral energy has come from his body, it has been turquoise.
* He has said every non-slur curse word known to man, and his specialty is saying them all within the span of a few minutes.
* He absolutely cannot cook.
* He's skilled at open world exploration games, along with first-person shooters.
* He has a light British accent, learned from the English that he was taught in primary school.
* He is, without a doubt, my smartest character.