Franny Goes to War

Sir Francis can make a party out of any battle.

## Transcript

Stephen: Captain, our men are dropping like flies!
Matt: I'll be darned if we lose another battle to these Frenchies.
Stacey: Well then, what shall we do, captain?
Stephen: We can't keep going on in this poor fashion.
Jason: Did somebody say "fashion"?
Matt: Oh no.

Jason: I say, captain, it looks like we're in a bit of a squirmish.
Matt: It's called a skirmish, Francis.
Jason: Oh, please, call me Franny.
Matt: Just take this and shoot anybody wearing a blue coat.
Jason: I'm afraid this is all rather new to me.
Matt: Just take it and pull the trigger!
Jason: Like this?

Jason: Do you think he's alright..? Well, he was wearing blue! Ugh! How frightfully filthy this wall is! I say is this my strawberry jam? I told you all not to touch it!
Stacey: Oh no, Franny, I think it's blood.
Stephen: No, no, it's jam. That's my fault.
Matt: Okay, enough. Soldiers, this is a war. Now, you can either stay on fighting it or you can go home and eat your jam while the French blow us to smithereens.
Jason: Have you ever considered talking to them? Most men prefer civilized conversation to this barbaric name...
Stephen: He has a point, captain.
Stacey: Perhaps we could host a party.
Jason: Then it's settled.
Matt: No, don't you understand! These men are here to kill us!
Jason: Oh!

Matt: Franny, where did you get that?
Jason: I always carry extra bottles of the bubbler wherever I go.
Matt: We've been rationing stale bread and drinking from rain puddles for the last six weeks and you brought champagne!
Jason: Yes, and I would have had some jam, had it not been recklessly spoiled by our comrades. Besides, I've already sent out the invitations.
Matt: What? Franny, where did you get the materials to make these?
Jason: I took those ghastly top secret transcripts you asked me to deliver and turned them into decorative invitations. The lace actually comes from bandages I stole from those poor chaps over there. Hello!
Matt: What?
Jason: Oh captain, I've sent out dozens of invitations to our enemies.

Stephen: Presenting Monsieur Le Monde of the Second French Bettalion.
Matt: What are you doing?
Stephen: Captain told me- Franny told me it was vital to the ambience of the party.
James: Bonjour Franny!
Jason: I say, monsieur, seeing you changes this boorish affair into a lively fiesta.
James: Eh, oui.
Jason: Ehehehe. That is the sound of a fiesta... so I'm told.
James: Je ne sais pas! (I don't know!)
Jason: I'm so glad you and your men could make it to this party at the trenches.
James: Eh, merci. (Eh, thank you)
Jason: It will be the social event of the war!
James: But I'm afraid I can not stay too long, Franny! The war and all.
Jason: What a pity.
James: Eh, oui.
Jason: What do you think we can claim this land for our own?
James: Oh, is that all your Brits are fighting us for? I thought you might want to kill our families and take our cheese!

Jason: No, no, not at all. We just wanted this field for Britain.
James: Of course, of course. Oh, Franny. My wife and I, we miss your wonderful visits. You must come by the cottage sometime.
Jason: Oui!
James: Here is my war schedule with all the times and dates and places Napoleon will attack, no?
Jason: Get out!
James: You really must come by.
Jason: Bless you, monsieur. Au revoir.
James: Au revoir! Don't touch me!

Jason: I say this warfare thing is rather fun.
Adam: Captain...
Jason: Oh! At least we'll have plenty of strawberry jam. Too soon?

## Trivia

* This is the last sketch of Season 2 Episode 2.
* This is the fifteenth sketch of Season 2.
* This sketch was uploaded a day after the episode aired on BYUtv.
* This is the second sketch with Franny.
* James Perry once again plays a Frenchman, just like in Foreign Exchange, among others.
* This sketch features the highest amount of Cast members since WrongCom, tied with Flirting Academy.
* This is the thirtieth sketch in which Stacey Harkey appears.