Loading

**Loading** is a scene wherein guests get in the boat.

 Description

[Description.]

[Description.]

### **Magic Kingdom**

The scene takes place on the Amazon, after the Load Dock, but before entering the jungle.

## Spiel

### **Disneyland**

When boarding the boat, please look down and watch your step.  Take small children by the hand.  No swimming allowed.  Do not fall in the water; the crocodiles are out.

You folks coming in the rear, please move all the way around the engine, and up to the front.  Those of you coming in the front, please move to the rear and sit next to the engine.

Fill in all the spaces, sit close together, and don't leave any room for hungry crocodiles, snakes, spiders, et cetera.

### **Magic Kingdom**

#### **Pulling Up to the Dock**

Your dreamboat has arrived!

* Too bad I'm driving it.
* ...and I'm not talking about the boat!

#### **To Entering Guests**

Please watch your head and step as you enter.

If you're entering from the back, come up to the front, past the dance floor, casino, and buffet.

Please board quickly, but no skipping. I'm the only skipper around here.

Come on-board! Wait; let me re-phrase that. Come on excited! That'll make this more tolerable.

#### **Slide Down**

Slide up to the front of the boat!

* That's how I clean the seats.
* There's no truth to the rumor that you get a longer ride in the back.
* The front is the safest part. That's why I'm up here. The engine's the heaviest part, and it's in the back, so the front sinks last. And hey, by that logic, you get a longer cruise, too!

Okay, ladies; all the way forward, please. All the way forward, that's what we like: forward ladies.

Slide up to the front of the boat! Take a bow! Don't be stern!

Trust me, it doesn't matter where you sit. Most of you won't be coming back.

#### **Squeeze In**

Sit close together.

* The closer you squeeze, the harder it'll be for something to pull you out of the boat!
* The closer you squeeze, the harder it'll be for something big and hairy to pull you out of the boat! Then again, something big and hairy put you in the boat.
* I want at least four hundred more passengers onboard, and you folks are just the first layer. We used to get five hundred in every grew, but we just had a crew cut. It's a sort of fashion statement. Well, that's neither hair nor there. I shouldn't cut up so.

Everybody in? Good. Now lie down. Were going to start loading a second layer.

Get to know the person next to you. They might come in handy if we run into trouble. They also might be single!

Don't worry if it's crowded now; there'll be lots of room on the way back.

I get paid for the number of people I take out, not the number I bring back! That's why we have crocodiles and you have kids.

On a hot day like this, the family who sits together sticks together. Isn't that heart-warming?

On a cold day like this, the closer you sit, the better the heating system works.

#### **Seating Instructions**

[To the first guest in on the port side:] Would you sit here, on this square? Perfect! That'll keep the snakes inside the boat.

Sit right there; it's the best seat in the house! Too bad this is a boat.

Some of you might wanna come up and sit on our sacrificial alta--err...center crate.

Have a seat in the doorway.

* It keeps the animals out and the humans in!
* It keeps the wild animals out and the wild people in.
* It keeps the lions and tigers out and the turkeys and chickens in!
* That'll help keep the water out. [The skipper chuckles.] I'm kidding, of course! [The skipper keeps chuckling.] Nothing'll keep the water out!

[When asking guests to change seats:] We try to balance out the boat so that, if we sink, we sink evenly.

#### **Crossing the Crates**

Don't cross over the crates in the center.

* If you do, you'll have to cross back, and that'll make you a double-crosser.
* You might knock 'em out of place, and they're covering the holes in the boat.
* "Crossing over" is more of a *Haunted Mansion* thing.
* You could trip, and you're about to have one bad trip in this boat; do you really want another?

#### **Sinking**

Does anyone like swimming? Good! That's how we'll be getting back!

Show of hands; how many of you can swim? Look around, folks. These are our flotation devices.

In the event of a water evacuation, any small child can be used as a flotation device.

If the boat begins to sink, make sure you grab one of the bright orange cushions. Those are the only ones that float. If you can't find an orange cushion, just throw your arms around someone wearing orange.

So you're aware: the brown seats are the designated splash zones, and the yellow cushions are your flotation devices, but I think they're all on the next boat.

Grab a seat, grab a seat...just be sure the seat you grab is your own; we don't want any trouble on this boat. This isn't the Love Boat, and I'm not Captain Stuebing. In fact, I'm not the captain at all; I'm just a skipper. The difference is, a captain goes down with the ship, but a skipper skips that part.

Who believes the captain should go down with the ship? [The skipper indicates a guest who's raising their hand.] What's your name? [The guest answers.] Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce Captain [Guest's Name]!

If anyone falls overboard, let me know, and I'll throw them a bar of soap so they can wash ashore.

This ride used to be in-tents, but they didn't float, so now it's in boats!

#### **Foreboding**

I hope you know what you're getting yourselves into. It's called a "boat."

How many of you are on the Jungle Cruise for the first time?

* Hey, me, too! How many are on it for the last time?
* Hey, me, too! Well, at least, it's my first time since the accident. It was pretty gruesome, but I'll tell you about it. What happened was--[The skippers at load clear and dispatch the boat.]--nevermind!

Before we got much further, everyone raise your right hand and repeat after me. "I hope...we do...get back." Good! Better look at the dock; you probably won't see it again.

Before we begin, lemme take a little poll. How many of you are from out of the state? Out of the country? Out of their minds? If you're going into the jungle with me, you must be!

I've been cruising the jungle waters for months now, and I haven't lost a passenger yet, but who knows? Today may be my lucky day!

We'll see some of the most disgusting snakes...spiders...palmettos...leeches...and that's just here, in the boat! Wait'll we get in the jungle!

Those of you sitting on the center crates, please remain seated. We don't want anything escaping from them.

Those of you sitting in the back will get a real charge out of this trip. You're sitting right over the battery! Some people find that revolting, but I think there's a positive and a negative side to it. Do you find that shocking?

We'll be underwater in just a moment.  [Pause.]  "Underway!"

* Aww, man; I just gave away the ending!
* Sorry, I was thinking of my last boat.

We're waiting on the last few victims.  [Pause.]  "Visitors!"  Sorry, I meant "visitors."

#### **Stalling**

They just keep loading more-on and more-on and more-on. Y'know what that makes them? [If the audience answers, "Morons:"] No! They're efficient loaders! That was rude.

Are you ready for thrills, danger, and adventure?! [If the audience responds positively:] Well, that boat just left, so you'll have to settle for fun, instead. [If the audience responds neutrally or negatively:] Well, come on in, anyway.

#### **Dispatch**

...and we're off, like a...

* ...can of bug spray!
* ...a...boat full of people! I'm not great at analogies.

##### **Songs**

I'm...dreaming...of a white...rhino...

*Jingle Cruise*, *Jingle Cruise*, jingle all the way!  Oh, what fun it is to ride with Skipper [the skipper’s name] today!  Hey!

Jungle bells, jungle bells, jungle all the way!  Oh, what fun it is to ride in an open boat today!  Hey!

Over the river and through the jungle to headhunters’ huts we go!

##### **Squeeze In**

Sit close together! We are stuffing this boat like a...

* ...turkey!
* ...stocking!

##### **Foreboding**

I drive this boat like I wrap presents:

* ...you'll see.
* ...with a great deal of love, and a focus on safety.

This boat reminds me of most of the presents I wrap; it’s held together by a lot of tape.

Before we leave the dock, you should know that we don’t have a Return Policy here at *the Jingle Cruise.*

The boat has enough oil to last one day, but with a little miracle, we can stretch it to eight!  ...I hope.

##### **Stalling**

If there was a breeze today, we could go was-sailing, but instead, we’re just gonna have to go with the yule-tide.

Santa knows that we’ve been bad, but hey, these boats run off of coal, and it keeps the fuel costs down.

##### **Dispatch**

The last guest is in, so as the turkeys told the pilgrims, “We’re stuffed!”  Let’s get out of here!