Patrick Jones

Bossman

Patrick Fillmore Sandra Jones (born 31 May 1987) is the Regional Branch Manager and Branch Ranger for Thornton Stationery Company - Lambeth Branch. Patrick joined the Warwick Boy Scouts in 1995 and soon became the top scout. He was so good in fact, that he was put in charge of the Boy Scouts and the Girl Scouts by the age of 10. His dream was always to become the Chief Ranger in Finsbury Park. Patrick was always loyal to his Scouts, and has still never betrayed them.

In 2011, Pat was offered a job at Thornton Stationery Company - Lambeth Branch. The Lambeth Branch is located near a park, and thus employed Patrick to guard the park. He was extremely loyal to Thornton Stationery. In his first week he caught 283 teenage hooligans littering. He is known to have beat them up with his firewood logs. A boy named Michael J. Hunt was beaten up by Jones, and described it as this.

''Patrick caught me littering with my mates...We were listening to a new song on the speaker called Happy by Pharrell Williams...We didn't even see him, and we were planning on throwing the trash in the bin. But I heard something suddenly, someone shouted ''OI YOU FUCKING HOOLIGANS, PICK IT UP'' and we looked to our right and saw him. We laughed because we thought he was joking, but he came to us, picked up the bin, and started hitting us with it. Luckily the bin was made out of plastic, so it didn't hurt us that much. He then somehow managed to sue us with a company lawyer named Mark ''Sparkes'' Wilkes.''

In 2014, Jones was promoted to Regional Branch Manager and Branch Ranger, and was given his own office in the building. He made the decision to employ the Lambeth Boy and Girl Scouts to protect the Lambeth Branch Park. Jones holds training every Saturday, which are tougher than the training tactics the military use. Jones constructed the training programme through ancient Roman and Prussian training courses. If a scout fails the programme, they will do it again and again. In 2015, they were renamed to the Thornton Army. The Scouts are the most brutal army in the world, and go through tougher training than most militaries. It is predicted that the scouts could single-handily defeat the armies of Russia, China, America and North Korea. Most famously, Jones provided the scouts with legal gun licences in 2015. They carry loaded Muskets to intimidate hooligans. Five of the scouts are gardeners for the park. It has been estimated the scouts are pajd anywhere from £23,000 - £62,000. With help from Thornton Weaponry, Patrick introduced the iron ramrod, increasing Scout firepower, and the slow march, or goose-step. He also vastly increased the role of music in the Army, dedicating a large number of musician-troops, especially drummers and fifers, to use music for increasing morale in battle. Punishments were draconian in nature, such as running the gauntlet, and despite the threat of hanging, many scouts conscripts deserted when they could. Uniforms and weaponry were standardized. Pigtails and, in those regiments which wore it, facial hair were to be of uniform length within a regiment; soldiers who could not adequately grow beards or moustaches were expected to paint an outline on their faces.

Patrick went to his first company-wide speech on 26th March 2018 in Brighton. The speakers included: Patrick, Jebidiah Thornton, Alen Wretcham, Peter Brown, Denzel Pepper, Albert, Lucius Fox, Isaac Chesterfield and Marcus Holloway. After Pepper's speech, Patrick went up to Mr Pepper to compliment him on his speech of grooviness and awe some power. Suddenly, Mr Pepper said ''Right, come with me.'' Denzel took Patrick to his yellow Hillman Imp, where Bernard Smith was sitting in the driver's seat. Bernard drove them through the Eurotunnel to Venice. Patrick, Bernard and Denzel had a lads week in Venice.