TRP: Goro and Hansel (Amnesiac Husband)

LINA

[Setting: Night 407, Goro's room in the castle.]

Mishka tried to make sure Goro had everything he needed to be comfortable for the night. He showed him all around the castle, but -- Goro couldn't fucking keep track of it all. By the time Mishka had finished and led him back to the kitchen, Goro couldn't even remember the way to his room.

Mishka told him he was welcome to eat any food in the kitchen, and showed him where to find some snacks. Goro wanted to stuff a bunch inside his robe and run, but that'd be weird. He was half worried he'd forget how to get to the kitchen if he got hungry later, though. He grabbed an apple from a bowl, thinking it was a sort of compromise.

"Uh. Can you show me how to get to my room again?" he asked miserably. Mishka did.

Goro had a fuckton of locks on his door. He locked one of them, a simple deadbolt. The rest he was half worried would shock him or poke him with needles if he tried fiddling with them. He seemed like that kinda guy.

He poked around his room, which was pretty austere. He had a wardrobe for his modest selection of clothes, a small bookshelf, a bed with a plain wool blanket. A desk with a notebook and pen, and a flower crown made of dried roses. A drawer with more notebooks in it, and a few weird-looking artifacts he didn't wanna touch.

I swear, you normally love creepy magic shit, Mishka had said. Maybe. He just couldn't shake the feeling like everything in the world was about to bite him.

His altar was the most decorative spot in the place -- couple vases of roses, candles and censers, a little statue, discs with sigils carved in them, a crystal ball, a stoppered glass bottle of wine. Kind of calming to look at, so he sat in front of it for a while, even though he didn't know what he was supposed to do there. Pray or meditate or whatever. Maybe it was kind of meditating, just to sit.

.

There was also a leather-bound book with a symbol embossed on the cover. He picked it up and opened it curiously, but the words that greeted him were complete gibberish. He couldn't even distinguish one letter from the next. Meaningless squiggles.

Maybe he'd forgotten how to read. That... that really sucked. He had a feeling he'd liked reading. He hastily shut the book and replaced it on the altar, swallowing around a lump in his throat.

The room felt stuffy, suddenly. He went to the window and paused there, momentarily distracted by the small pieces of stained glass hanging on it. Then he tried to open it, but was immediately foiled by the array of locks. Motherfucker.

Maybe he could pick 'em -- he'd found lockpicks in one of his pockets -- but... maybe not, 'cause he wasn't safe, and...

Goro retreated to the desk and crawled under it, sitting with his back against the wall. He chewed on his knuckle, tears rolling down his face. Everyone kept saying he was just overwhelmed, and that it was something that happened to him sometimes, and shit. But he didn't think they got it. There wasn't any way for him to stop being overwhelmed, when everything in the goddamn world was new. There wasn't any way for him to take a break.

IZZY

After Hansel sat with Raef for a while, he wandered a bit. He didn't want to ... do this wrong. He needed a plan, or something.

How the fuck did you plan for your husband suddenly losing all his memory, though?

He talked to Luci. Ombre was hiding under the library table and little quiet sobs came from behind the blanket, so Hansel grimaced and backed off, leaving her alone. Luci was upset, but stoic, as always -- he knew she was upset mostly because she hugged him forcefully around the neck, when he found her by a hearth and sat next to her, and scooted up against his side. He hesitantly put his arm around her, and she leaned into him.

She explained everything she had done very quietly and matter-of-factly. She'd gotten Goro inside, and fed him, and she and Ombre had brought his blanket. It was still in the sun room. She instructed Hansel to go get it, and he nodded. Goro thought he remembered his mother, she said, but hadn't known Amari. Hansel grimaced again, thinking about fucking Jasmilia. So there were some old, old memories, maybe.

It had never seemed like a problem, before, that Hansel was such a recent fixture in Goro's life.

He squeezed Luci carefully, and kissed her head. He told her it'd be okay, 'cause that was what Hansel did. Then he went downstairs again and came back up with the blanket tucked under his arm, and he quietly slid a cup of tea with a couple cookies into Ombre's blanket fort, where she was still sniffling. He firmly told Luci to Send to Jonn, if she hadn't already -- and she hadn't -- and ask him to come out to Glimmerton soon as he could. He'd be able to make her feel better, if nothing else.

.

He found Larkin crashed out on a couch and covered her with a blanket, left her a glass of water. Morgan Wyn was supposed to be around here somewhere, but he couldn't track her down for a while -- searching around the castle with Goro's heavy blanket still under his arm, like a reminder he didn't need -- until she turned up on the tower bridge, looking out over the grounds with a pink face and an empty bottle of wine. He took her hand silently and pulled her inside, her grabbing onto him and planting her face into his shoulder. Once she was settled on a couch, he moved on. Wanted to check in on Theo, but it was late, and the kid was probably asleep by now.

Hansel wasn't sure if he was doing this because it was important to him to take care of everybody, or just because he knew he couldn't take care of Goro, and that was too grim to face.

Either way, he did wind his way up the stairs again, to the top floor. Mishka had shown Goro up to his room earlier, figuring he'd feel safest there, even if it was a strange place. At least it was a strange place with a lot of locks. Maybe, Hansel hoped vainly, being surrounded by his things would spark a memory -- somehow, even though being surrounded by his family hadn't.

Hansel wanted to be drunk, like Morgan, or he wanted to crawl into his bed and hide under the blankets and cry, like Ombre. Maybe both. He wanted things to not be fucking hard. He wanted to be sitting on the porch of a little seaside cottage, looking out at the waves under the stars, holding hands with his new husband. Nice, and simple, and easy.

He'd just fucking got Goro. Diva didn't get to take him away. Didn't get to steal another husband just when Hansel got them.

Deep breath. He adjusted the blanket under his arm awkwardly, that hand occupied by a picnic basket, too, and tapped on Goro's door with the other.

"It's Hansel," he called through softly.

LINA

Goro flinched, startled. And for a second he just stared at the closed door.

He'd... well, not forgotten about Hansel. Just sort of forgotten Mishka had said he would come. He'd figured he was on his own for the rest of the night.

He wanted to meet Hansel, though. He really did. He hastily wiped his face dry on his sleeve and crawled out from under the desk, sniffling.

He crept toward the door, then turned the deadbolt. He hesitated a moment before opening it. When he did, it was only a few inches, to peer out.

Hansel was really tall, and big. And -- Goro had been expecting a human, since Leigh was one. But Hansel was a half-orc. He had one tusk. He had very beautiful dark eyes. Goro stared, and sniffed again.

IZZY

Goro'd been crying. He looked spooked. Hansel tried to stay ... all calm, smooth like a lake. Like it didn't kill him.

He thought about how -- when they'd all gotten plastered on the Sugar Glider -- how he'd grabbed Goro and hugged him and how Goro had flailed around and been annoyed, then teared up when Hansel started talking to him about Amari. He'd thought about that a lot, and wished he could redo it, somehow, been kinder. Not so rough. He just didn't want to fucking scare Goro.

But he hadn't wanted to fucking redo it like this.

"I brought food," he said quietly, lifting the wicker basket a little. Soft voices and snacks. That was how you won over street cats. It took a long time, sometimes. "And the blanket. Luci said you still like it. I ain't gotta ... come in, if you wanna be alone."

LINA

At first, Goro just kept staring. He felt like he was wading through muck in his head. "Um," he managed, knowing Hansel was waiting for a response. Then the meaning caught up with him. "Oh, uh. No, I mean--" He stepped back, opening the door wider. "You can come in."

IZZY

"You sure?" Hansel asked, watching him closely.

LINA

Goro just stared at him helplessly.

IZZY

A little doubtfully, Hansel stepped in. There was something fucking strange about it -- about the room. Hansel rarely had any reason to come into Goro's room without Goro there, and it felt ... empty, somehow, even with Goro right there. Because if Goro was here, he was supposed to be in Hansel's arms, giggling and batting at him, or he was supposed to be quickly locking all the locks behind them, or he was supposed to be tugging his shirt off so he could wrap around Hansel, skin-to-skin.

But he just stood there, looking lost, because he didn't know any of that. He didn't know what he was supposed to be doing. He didn't know who he was, or who Hansel was, or where this fucking place was that he was stuck in, where he didn't know the faces and the voices even though they kept insisting they knew him.

Hansel heard Diva again, in his head. Hello, handsome.

He pushed it aside, and cleared his throat lowly. He said what he was doing before doing it, because Goro liked that, sometimes. Hansel always figured it let him orient himself, and he needed orienting right now. "Just gonna set the blanket on the couch. That okay? Can put it on your bed, if y'like."

Stays in my room most of the time, he wanted to say. You can come stay there, too. We can huddle under it. I'll hold you. You like that. I'll do it as long as you want. Long as you need. 'Til your eyes turn black, if that's what happens.

LINA

"Uh. That's fine. I mean, whatever's fine." Goro fidgeted with his sleeve. "Uh. Uh. Mishka told you what happened to me, right?"

IZZY

"Aye." Hansel set the blanket down on the couch. He kept his voice even and quiet. "It's a'right. I'm here. Whatever you need." Lifting the basket again, he kind of lamely repeated, "Brought food," like that was the main fucking thing that Goro needed.

LINA

Goro nodded. It'd been a while since he ate, and he hadn't gotten around to that apple from earlier, so he was pretty hungry. He edged closer to Hansel, eyeing the basket.

IZZY

Hansel backed off, setting it on the little coffee table and kneeling down on the floor next to it. "Figured Luci already fed you," he said, "so I wasn't sure if you'd actually, y'know, be hungry. I brought ... some stuff."

The warm food was still warm, wrapped in clean towels, but he pulled the cold drinks out, first. Old milk bottles -- one filled with apple juice, one with orange juice. He set them on the other side of the table, so Goro could reach them without having to come too close to him. Then a couple of insulated, lidded mugs -- nice, sweet, milky coffee in one, and hot chocolate in the other.

"I figured ... y'don't know what you like, anymore, so maybe you'd wanna try some different stuff? See how you're feelin'?" he said doubtfully, glancing up to see if Goro was going to come over.

LINA

Goro didn't know why Hansel was kneeling on the floor instead of just sitting on the couch. Unless... maybe he thought Goro was gonna be scared of him, or something. Since he was all big and shit.

Goro didn't think he seemed scary, though. He seemed real careful and gentle.

Goro sat on the floor at the end of the coffee table -- not right next to Hansel, but not far from him either.

He slid one of the mugs over to himself and took the lid off. The rich aroma of coffee drifted up to meet him.

"Coffee?" he asked, confirming in case he'd fuckin' forgotten.

IZZY

Hansel nodded. "Aye. Lots of milk and sugar, like you like."

He said the last part sort of without meaning to. Goro probably felt fuckin' bad about not knowing what he liked, and didn't much want to be reminded about it with every fuckin' word out of Hansel's mouth. He looked back down at the basket to keep unpacking -- ah, he'd really fuckin' cooked too much. He did that when he was nervous. He pulled the simplest thing out, first, just a peanut butter sandwich with blackberry jam from Marion.

LINA

Goro sipped the coffee and nodded. "'S'good." He held a hand out for the sandwich.

IZZY

Hansel handed it over. "Blackberry jam," he offered. "My mom makes it. I, uh, I made grilled cheese, too. And other stuff."

LINA

"You're a real good cook," Goro said, a little uncertainly 'cause it seemed like a weird thing to say. But there wasn't nothing about this that wasn't weird. "I had some of... some of the chicken soup you made?"

IZZY

Hansel nodded. "I, uh, I made that for you the other night. You weren't feelin' well." He frowned a little. He'd figured it was just ... the long day, and the nightmare from before, but maybe there'd been some sign. Something else.

He shook it off and cleared his throat again, admitting, "I made too much fuckin' food," as he unpacked blueberry griddle cakes, and bacon that'd gone a little soggy in the basket, and the buttery grilled cheese sandwich, and a charred, lemony catfish, setting them all out on their plates on the coffee table.

LINA

Goro sat back on his heels, blinking in surprise at all the food. Sandwich still in hand, uneaten.

He lunged forward and grabbed a couple slices of bacon, shoving them in his mouth. He was pretty sure he really liked bacon.

IZZY

Hansel couldn't help grinning a little bit.

LINA

Goro ate another piece of bacon, then started on the sandwich, nibbling it more modestly. It was getting hard to swallow, so he tried washing things down with some coffee.

But... that didn't really help. Wasn't the peanut butter making his throat sticky; he just felt like crying again. He set the rest of the sandwich on the table and picked at it, eyes downcast.

IZZY

Hansel's smile slid away. "Ah. Hey. Hey," he said softly, slipping his hand across the table instinctively, to get just that bit closer. "S'okay. It's okay, ahuv."

Shouldn't have said that, he thought, straight away. Shouldn't presume. Goro didn't know him anymore.

LINA

Ah. Ahuv. That was really nice. Goro guessed that Hansel probably knew him really well -- knew how to read him, could tell when he was upset. And he probably just didn't want Goro to be upset.

That wasn't a bad thing, but it was just a little more emotion stacked on top of the pile that Goro didn't know what to do with. More overwhelm. Goro shook his head and lifted his arms to hide his face, breath hitching with the effort of holding back more tears.

IZZY

Hansel winced. He was dying to come around the little table, but he made himself -- not, made himself stay still and just whisper, "Goro, Goro, hey, it's okay, sweetheart, it's okay."

Goro was struggling. Hansel wanted to just hold him, take the burden off him, help him. He didn't know what to do, how to make it better. Too afraid of making it worse.

He edged closer, reaching carefully to touch Goro's shoulder.

LINA

"Sorry. 'M sorry." Goro flinched when Hansel touched his shoulder, but he didn't pull away. He lowered his arms, sniffling and looking around the room helplessly. "This is -- this is all real nice. I'm grateful for the food and all. 'M just -- mm."

IZZY

Hansel pulled his hand back a little, wincing, and just sort of lingered nearby. He scooted closer, again. "S'okay. You don't gotta apologize. Just overwhelmed, is all. It's a lot to handle, aye? S'aright."

LINA

Goro nodded, biting back a whimper. He wiped his face on his sleeves. "I just, um. I... I was just sitting in this room, and --" He looked around it and gestured broadly. "I don't -- I was looking around, and, I guess I have these books, but I don't think I remember how to read, and." He swallowed. "And I was thinking, well, maybe I oughta just go to bed, but -- I didn't even know how I should -- do it, I mean, I could just get under the covers and shit, but, I thought, I don't know, do I have a fuckin' toothbrush? Are there fuckin' things I do before I go to sleep? I didn't see any fuckin' pajamas when I was looking through my clothes, so, I don't -- I don't know."

His eyes fell on the window and he gestured at it more frantically. "And -- I just wanted some fuckin' fresh air and I couldn't figure out how to open the fucking window, and..." He crumpled again, hunching over and hiding his face.

IZZY

Hansel winced again. He got closer still, so he could rest his hand on Goro's back. "Okay," he said firmly. "Okay. Hey. I got you. I'm gonna help. Take a breath, a'right? You ain't gotta ... deal with all this, love. I'm gonna take care of it."

He rubbed Goro's back carefully. He wanted to stay there, because he was closer now, and he wanted to get even closer, and he wanted to cuddle Goro and kiss his head and make him feel better. Was better to solve the problems, though. That would make him feel better, more than cuddling would.

LINA

Goro nodded a few times, and took a deep breath like Hansel suggested. Made him shaky when he exhaled.

IZZY

"Keep breathin'," Hansel told him. "Count seven seconds in, seven seconds out, 'kay? I'm gonna get the window."

He leaned in briefly to kiss the side of Goro's head, since rubbing his back seemed to've been okay, then unfolded his legs to push himself up. It was locked up tight as a bank vault, of course, but he undid it steadily and shoved it open to let some cool night air in, then looked back to check in.

LINA

Goro breathed in and out, counting. Seemed stupid, but maybe it was something Hansel knew helped him.

He looked up when he heard the window open. "You gonna lock it back up again later? Before I go to sleep?"

IZZY

Hansel nodded. "Yeah, 'course." He hesitated. "I can stay while you're sleepin', if you want. Keep watch. Nothin's gonna get t'you -- promise -- but if it'd make you feel better ..."

LINA

Goro wasn't sure what he wanted. Seemed easiest just not to sleep at all, but there was still part of him that held out hope he'd regain some memory if he rested. He shrugged. "Is it dangerous out here?"

IZZY

"Nah, nah," Hansel assured him. Wasn't bullshit to just try to make him feel better, either. "My mom an' brother live out there a ways, by themselves, and I don't worry about them none. And we're on the top floor of the castle. Worst thing is a bird might get confused and fly in, window's open too long."

He retrieved a basin of water, and a washcloth, and Goro's toothbrush, bringing them back to the table. It occurred to him that Goro probably wouldn't wanna brush his teeth if he was still going to eat, but ah well. It was there when he wanted it.

LINA

Mishka had told Goro they'd keep him safe from the snake, and Goro kind of wanted to see if that held up with Hansel. "There was a snake," he began. "In Skyport."

IZZY

"Aye, well." He settled down, caddy-corner from Goro again. "I killed that fuckin' snake. Me an' Larkin did. Your cousin," he added. "Didn't manage to get it before ..." He grimaced. "And it came back. But if it comes for you we'll fuckin' kill it again. Me an' Larkin, Mishka, Luci, Morgan. Ain't gonna be a problem. Promise."

LINA

"Oh." Goro took a moment to process that. "Is that what you were out doing, before?"

IZZY

"Aye." He nodded.

LINA

"Do you know why it wants to eat me so goddamn bad?"

IZZY

He made a wavy hand gesture. "We used to have this fuckin' enemy. Thought we killed her, but 'parently we didn't. She's controllin' the snake. He ... he actually ain't all bad, I s'pose. Ain't his fault. It's her."

LINA

Goro was worried he was gonna get a headache if he tried to commit all this shit to memory now. Instead of responding, he just looked away, around the bedroom, playing with his sleeve.

IZZY

"Ain't nothin' you gotta worry about," Hansel said firmly. "We're gonna take care of it." He glanced over the table at the fuckin' unreasonable amount of food he'd made. "You, uh, still hungry at all?"

LINA

Goro shrugged again. "Kinda. But... I mean, yeah, but. Don't really wanna eat." He glanced at Hansel, then away. "Maybe we could just talk more, for a while?" He liked the sound of Hansel's voice.

IZZY

"Aye. Whatever you want." He just looked at Goro for a moment. Missing him. "Always like talkin' with you," he said quietly, and smiled a little. "Usually you're the one that knows what to talk about, though. Never know what t'fuckin' say. Hm. Guess you're probably a bit over learnin' new stuff, eh?"

LINA

"Maybe." Goro hugged his knees to his chest. "Maybe not. Uh. I was... wondering how we met?"

IZZY

Hansel nodded. Felt like a complicated fucking story, but he'd go for it. "You wanna ... sit on the couch?" he asked doubtfully. "'Stead of the floor. Together?" Then, quietly, he added, "I don't wanna push you into anything. I know you don't ... know me. It's all right if you're skittish for now."

LINA

"I'm okay here," Goro said, uncertainly. It wasn't that he didn't wanna sit next to Hansel, he just... felt fine on the floor.

IZZY

"'Kay," Hansel said. It was fine. It was. Really was. Had to be. Wasn't Goro's fault, after all -- wasn't anybody's fault but Diva's, and he couldn't do anything about that bitch right now.

He took a breath and cleared his throat. "Uh, we actually -- met at work. Both worked for this guild, the Graverunners. Mercenary shit. Ain't much of a story, t'be honest," he admitted. "First time we met was in this bar, when I lived over it, and we all met up there before our first job. Went out t'rescue this girl that'd been kidnapped by a troll."

I thought you were chatich the first time I saw you, but I was pretty busy wishing I was dead. It was kind of a fuckin' lot.

LINA

Goro started chewing his thumbnail while he listened. "Did we just get along real good, or what?"

IZZY

"Hey, you got, um." He reached out, like he was used to doing to pull Goro's hands out of his mouth, but stopped short and pointed instead. "You got that bracelet. To chew on. 'Stead of your fingernails and knuckles."

LINA

"Huh?" Goro held his arms out and looked at his wrists. He had a lot of fuckin' bracelets.

IZZY

"Oh. The one with the rope, an' beads." He reached a little more to touch it. "Mends itself, so you can chew as hard as y'like. My kid got it for you -- not Luci, the other one. Jonn. Can meet him tomorrow if you want."

LINA

Goro shook his head, almost reflexively. "Uh." He shook his head again. "Too much. Too much. 'M sorry."

IZZY

"Aye, s'okay," Hansel said quickly, and gave Goro's shoulder a brief graze before pulling back. "He's comin' out to, y'know, hang out with Luci, is all. You ain't gotta. He won't be upset or nothin'. They both like you a lot, though," he added, smiling a little. "My kids. S'good."

LINA

Goro nodded reluctantly. He started tugging on the bracelet, curious but not ready to put it in his mouth yet. "Luci was... good. Seems smart."

IZZY

He nodded. "She's real sharp. You two pray together, an' all. She's, uh, kinda ..." He gestured to his face. "Y'know. Ain't too expressive. Promise she does like you, though. More'n she likes me, sometimes."

It was kind of a joke. Kinda not really, though.

LINA

Goro kept tugging on the bracelet. He wished he had... fuckin' anything interesting to say.

IZZY

"Anyway, uh." He cleared his throat again. "T'be honest, we didn't get along anything special, right away. I was kinda ... in a bad place. Some shit had happened to me. I was livin' with Jonn, an' me an' Luci weren't speakin', and I didn't have anybody else. Someone tried to hurt Jonn, an' you helped me. No questions. Swear we only knew each other a couple weeks, but there you were. Meant a lot t'me," he said quietly. "How loyal you were. Fearless. Well -- not fearless. Brave. S'better."

LINA

"Oh," Goro said, a little pleased. "How long 'til we... y'know, got together?" Almost immediately he added, "I'm not annoying you with these questions, am I?"

IZZY

"Nah, 'course not," Hansel assured him. He thought for a moment. "It was, uh ..." He scratched at his beard, trying to figure out how to explain it. "'Bout three months. Or four, depending on how you count it. We kissed, but -- then you went away for a month. And we hadn't really ... talked about shit, before you did. We both kinda thought we were more invested than each other was," he admitted. "But then when you came home, I saw you, an' ..."

He trailed off.

He wanted to fucking cry. Couldn't, though. Goro might not come home this time, but he wasn't gonna think about that, wasn't gonna let it seem real. Had to stay in the moment. Had to take care of things. Had to take care of Goro.

LINA

Goro was quiet for a while. Still playing with the bracelet, but more gently.

"Guess you must love me a lot," he said softly.

IZZY

Hansel nodded, looking down at the table, sort of smiling, feeling the keenest bittersweet ache he'd ever felt.

"Aye," he said. "Sun in my sky, light in my life."

LINA

Goro hugged his knees tighter and rocked himself just a little, looking around the room.

IZZY

Hansel sniffed and tried to act fucking normal. "Uh." Act like his voice wasn't that little bit shaky. "Sorry. Was there anything else you needed help with?"

LINA

"Oh. Uh." Fuck. Fuck. Hansel was probably fucking miserable, dealing with this. "Um, you don't gotta stay here if you don't wanna. I'm alright." He started chewing his thumbnail again.

IZZY

"Hey. The bracelet, ahuv," Hansel reminded him gently.

LINA

Goro switched obediently to chewing the bracelet.

IZZY

"I don't wanna go nowhere," he said. He sniffled again and let himself rub at his eyes, smiling ruefully. "Bah. Fuck, I'm sorry. It's a'right. You ain't upsettin' me. S'okay."

LINA

Goro ducked his head a little. He still felt bad, whatever Hansel said.

"Um." He fidgeted in place. "Uh, Leigh told me... he said you give me these... special hugs."

IZZY

Hansel blinked. Sounded like code for fucking. "Special?"

LINA

"Yeah, he said, uh. You grab me real tight and squeeze happiness out."

IZZY

"Oh. Uh, yeah, I mean --." He hesitated. "You like it, or -- y'have before. Bein' hugged real hard. Same reason you like the blanket, I s'pose." He nodded over to it, then looked back to Goro doubtfully. "You ... want me to ...?"

Goro didn't even wanna sit with him on the couch. Wasn't moving away, but wasn't moving towards him, either. Didn't feel like it would go well, Hansel putting him in a tight bear hug he couldn't get out of.

LINA

"Uh huh."

IZZY

Hansel scooted away from the coffee table and opened one arm towards Goro, still uncertain. "You like, uh, sittin' in my lap, too. You don't gotta, though."

LINA

Goro scooted closer until he was side-by-side with Hansel.

IZZY

Yeah, that'd do. God, Hansel was dying, though. Fucking dying to pull Goro in against his chest, wrap around him, smell his hair, and kiss the top of his head. Focus, commander. This ain't about you.

He eased his arm around Goro, pulling him in a bit, and twisting to the side so he could get his other arm around him, too. Settled them chest to chest, with his beard against Goro's cheek -- slow, careful, not wanting to startle Goro, wanting to give him time to skitter away if he wanted.

It occurred to Hansel, though, that if Goro couldn't remember the good things, he couldn't remember the bad things, either. He was spooked now because he didn't know what the fuck was going on, not because people had hurt him, before, not because some big motherfucker had pinned him down and made it hard for him to get away. He'd probably just fucking ... like being squeezed, because he liked it, because that was who he was.

So Hansel squeezed him, hugged him nice and tight, rubbing his beard against Goro's cheek a little, affectionately, one arm up around his shoulders and the other down around his waist. Held onto him until he seemed like he wanted it to stop, 'cause -- the thing was that normally, Goro never wanted to stop.

LINA

"Mm," Goro said approvingly. "Mmm."

IZZY

"Good?" Hansel asked.

LINA

"Keep doing it," Goro said. Then, belatedly, "Um, if you want."

He squirmed a little, just to test the firmness of Hansel's hold. It felt... real fucking nice, and secure. Made him almost drowsy. His eyes drifted closed.

IZZY

Ah, there was the wriggling around. So that was just Goro, too. Hansel smiled, a little. "Always wanna be holdin' you, love."

He tentatively tried to pull Goro into his lap.

"This okay?"

LINA

Goro braced a hand against Hansel's leg, almost automatically. "Um. Uh. Maybe?"

IZZY

Hansel stopped, but kept on holding him. "S'okay. I know it's a lot."

LINA

Goro relaxed, melting against Hansel some more. "This is good," he insisted.

IZZY

"Aye," Hansel agreed.

It was. Actually was. It was -- some fucking relief, somehow, the way Goro relaxed against him, even now. He was still ... himself. Give or take some memories, he was still Goro. And Hansel relaxed, a bit, too, and shifted to get a little more comfortable, and slipped one hand up to stroke Goro's hair.

LINA

Goro murmured happily, chills going down his neck. Tentatively, he slipped his arms around Hansel's back.

"So. Um." Was kind of hard to talk when he was so relaxed, but easier too, in a way. "What're you... like?"

IZZY

"Ehn?"

LINA

"Y'know, what kinda person are you? Besides someone who's a good cook and good at huggin'."

IZZY

"Uhh." Hansel squinted. He wasn't sure how to answer that. Had a pretty fuckin' different opinion of himself than Goro did, or some other people did. "Dunno. Hm." Maybe if he just said things that were facts. Not opinions. "Grew up on a farm, takin' care of animals. I liked that. Liked ... buildin', and fixin' stuff around the farm. Left home, ended up bein' a guard on this merchant ship, 'cause ... well, couldn't really fight, yet, but I was big an' I looked scary. Pirates attacked th' merchants, so I joined the pirates 'stead of bein' killed by'em. Uh." He paused there. "Was a pirate for a good twenty years. Loved bein' on the ocean. Bein' free. Learned how t'fight, give orders, make plans. I was good at it. Liked bein' good at somethin', I suppose."

LINA

Goro was quiet for a long time, just kind of surprised to hear it all. "Goddamn. I know how to pick 'em."

IZZY

Hansel laughed a bit, weakly. "You think so?"

LINA

"You sound dreamy. Like a fantasy guy I made up."

IZZY

Hansel gave a little psshh and kissed the top of his head, out of habit.

LINA

Goro grinned and bit his lip. "Huh. This is weird."

IZZY

"Aye," Hansel said, embarrassed. "Ah. Sorry."

LINA

"No, no, I mean--" Slowly, Goro tightened his arms around Hansel more securely, then immediately backed off. "Ah. It's fuckin' weird. I -- I really like you, right away. And you already love me, I guess. But I feel like I'm an imposter, or some shit." Drinking up the love meant for another guy, who looked just like him.

IZZY

"Oh."

Hansel was quiet for a moment, but he took the cue to squeeze Goro tighter, and kissed his head again.

"You ain't an imposter, love," he said quietly. "You're still you. Still like the same things. Still talk like yourself. Still got the same feelings. Can I -- ah." He hesitated. "Can I tell you somethin' that might be kinda overwhelmin'?"

LINA

"'Kay."

Things didn't feel so overwhelming right this second, anyway. Something weird about being squeezed real tight, it felt like... he finally got to set everything else down. Just finally take a break from it all.

IZZY

"When we got married," Hansel said slowly, "I told you about how ... I wished I could've protected you from everything that hurt you, before we met. 'Cause neither of us had real easy lives. But that I loved you so much, and I knew that, y'know, the things that happen to a person help t'shape'em, and if I'd gotten to protect you, then you'd be different from the person I fell in love with.

"But I told you -- I promised --," he said, "that I'd love any version of you. That we'd be together a long time, and we'd both change, and I was gonna keep lovin' you no matter who you became, no matter who I became. So ... it's okay, ahuv." He kissed Goro's head again. "I meant that. I meant what I said when I married you."

LINA

"Oh." Goro blinked a few times. His eyes were stinging. "Jeez. Are you sure?"

IZZY

Hansel nodded. "Mmhm."

LINA

"How are you real?" Goro kept blinking. "You're too fuckin'... good."

IZZY

"I really ain't," Hansel said, a little wearily. "S'what you think normally, though, too."

LINA

Goro pulled back a little, eyeing him suspiciously. "How are you bad, then?"

The longer he spent here, letting himself get comfortable around these people, he had to keep reminding himself -- he didn't really have a fuckin' clue what was going on. They coulda all been trying to pull a fast one on him. It'd be about the most elaborate con in the world, though, for every one of them to be picking on him for no goddamn reason.

IZZY

"Pirates ain't good," Hansel pointed out. "Said I was one for twenty years."

He was leery of saying much, though. Didn't want Goro to be scared. Normally he wanted Goro to be ... realistic. See him as a whole. But right now he mostly just wanted Goro to be safe, and he didn't doubt that Goro was safest right here.

LINA

"But," Goro objected, still uncertain. "You're -- you're good to me. Right?"

IZZY

"Aye," Hansel said, frowning a little. "I do my best."

LINA

Goro eased back into the hug.

IZZY

Hansel kissed his head again, and went back to stroking his hair.

LINA

Something else occurred to Goro, very suddenly, and he felt himself turn red. "Oh my god."

IZZY

"You a'right?" Hansel asked, concerned.

LINA

"Do we -- we must've." Goro pulled back a little again, taking another good look at Hansel. Guy was pretty fuckin' sexy. "Y'know. Consummated our marriage, or whatever the fuck."

IZZY

"Uhh." Hansel blinked at him, turning a bit red, too. "Aye. I mean. Before that, too."

LINA

"Whoa. How many times?"

IZZY

Hansel stared at him. "I wasn't ... countin'."

LINA

Goro stared back. "Is it good?"

IZZY

"Uh, it's fuckin' great."

LINA

"Oh." Goro felt a little weirder about the hug now, but he leaned against Hansel again anyway. "Neat."

IZZY

Hansel laughed a little uncomfortably, but Goro was coming back, so ... he just went back to what he'd been doing -- stroking Goro's hair and holding him.

LINA

Goro was quiet for a little bit. He was starting to relax enough that his appetite was coming back, and his stomach growled. He turned his head to look at all the food.

IZZY

Hansel looked over, too, and reached to pull the pancakes closer. They were cool, by now, so he tore a little piece off with his hand and offered it to Goro.

LINA

Goro took it and shoved it in his mouth.

IZZY

He went ahead and tore off another piece, 'cause he knew Goro like'em, but asked anyway. "Good?"

LINA

Goro nodded and accepted the second piece. Then, hesitantly, he tried pulling out of the hug. He didn't wanna hurt Hansel's feelings or nothing, just wanted to get at the food himself.

IZZY

Hansel let him go, leaving his hand on Goro's back, watching him to make sure he hadn't gotten ... uncomfortable, or anything.

LINA

Goro scooted right up to the coffee table and dragged all the food within closer reach. He ate another piece of bacon, then started on the fish. Was real fuckin' good. He wound up eating the whole thing, then washed it down with some coffee. He attacked the pancakes, next, and opened the second mug curiously. Hot chocolate. It was even better than the coffee. He went back and forth between bites of pancake and gulps of hot chocolate.

"Shit," he said, mouth full. "Didn't ask if you wanted any." Seemed like Hansel would've just eaten some if he did, though.

IZZY

Hansel just watched him eat fondly, elbow propped on the table and cheek on his fist. He shook his head and picked at the edge of the pancakes a bit. "Nah, s'all right. Always eat a little bit as I cook, an' I cooked a lot. I'm good."

LINA

"Think I'm stuffed though," Goro said, eyeing the grilled cheese and the remnants of the peanut butter sandwich regretfully. "Luci made me grilled cheese earlier."

IZZY

He nodded to the bottles. "Enough to drink?"

LINA

"Mm." Goro grabbed for the apple juice, popped the cap off, and started drinking.

IZZY

Hansel watched him for another moment, then started stacking up the cleaned dishes. He remembered the things Goro had been upset about, before. "Usually, 'fore bed, you brush your teeth an' wash your face." He nodded to the bowl of water and such he'd brought over before. "You like ..." He paused, considering how to say it. "You're a cleric, aye? Y'like routines. Rituals, I s'pose. Doin' the things you always do, even if y'don't remember doin'em, it might make you feel better. I dunno."

LINA

"Oh." Goro thought for a minute, then nodded. "I felt bad, not knowing... what I was supposed to do. Not like I didn't know how to put myself to bed, just... guess I could tell I was forgetting something?" He winced.

IZZY

Hansel nodded. "Aye, makes sense." He packed the empty dishes back away in the basket. "Most nights we sleep together, over in my room, next door." He angled his head in that direction. "You like havin' your own space, though. You an' Mishka both."

LINA

"How many husbands you got?" Goro asked, earnestly.

IZZY

"Er, just the two," Hansel said. "Raef's my chaver -- uh, my partner, aye? He's got his own husband, though."

LINA

"Wives?"

IZZY

"Nah, nah. Do like women," he said, in case that was part of what Goro was asking, too. "Don't want anybody but you an' Mishka, though. I'm happy."

LINA

"It's good you got two, though. 'Cause you kinda lost one," he said glumly.

IZZY

"Ain't lost nobody." Hansel leaned over to kiss his cheek. "You're right here, ain't you?"

LINA

"Sorta, but." He shrugged.

IZZY

"Nah. No sorta 'bout it," he said firmly, looking Goro in the eyes so he'd know that he meant it, touching his wrist. "Lissen, I ... I ain't any good at lyin'. And I ain't much good at keepin' my mouth shut, either. I ain't gonna tell you I don't ... ah, y'know, I ain't gotta say this ain't fuckin' hard, lookin' at you, knowin' that you don't know me, an' you don't remember how we met, what we been through together, don't remember what dreams we got. It is fuckin' hard," he said softly. Could feel the tears pricking at his eyes again. "But it don't mean you ain't here. Don't mean I don't love you. And ... and you ain't gotta feel the same way. It's all right. If we'd've never got married, never got together, I'd still want you t'be in my life, aye? I still want you in my life right now. However much you want me. S'okay, love."

LINA

Goro looked at Hansel while he talked, then hastily looked away. He tugged on the chewy bracelet again.

"Just, um." He kept tugging.

IZZY

"Aye?"

LINA

"Still don't feel right. 'M afraid I'm gonna disappoint you, or something. 'Cause I'm not... him. Maybe I turn out different."

IZZY

"Any version of you," Hansel reminded him softly.

LINA

Goro scooted closer to Hansel, still not meeting his eye.

IZZY

Hansel closed the rest of the distance and put his arm around Goro'd shoulder, pulling him in to kiss the top of his head again. "It's okay, love," he murmured again.

LINA

Goro closed his eyes and leaned into him. It just felt... really good to be held and kissed by somebody. Somebody who meant it, anyway. And Hansel seemed like a painfully honest kinda guy. So affectionate he had to work to contain it. Goro didn't really want him to contain it.

"Thanks for helping me," he said. "Everyone here's been so goddamn nice."

IZZY

"Aye. Everyone here loves you," Hansel said quietly. He rubbed Goro's shoulder.

LINA

"Pfff."

IZZY

Hansel pffft'd back at him teasingly.

LINA

Goro put his arms around Hansel for a brief squeeze, then scooted away from him. He crawled to the side of the table with the water basin on it and crouched there. He dipped his hands in and scrubbed them clean, then wet the washcloth and used it to wipe his face.

Next he started brushing his teeth. He looked at Hansel and talked around the brush. "You know if I got any pajamas?"

IZZY

"Uh, usually you either sleep naked or with an undershirt an' underwear," Hansel said, breaking out of staring at Goro fondly to be embarrassed instead. "I'll, uh, fuck off if you want? Sometimes you don't like folks seein' you."

LINA

Goro wasn't sure what to say, so he just didn't say anything. He finished brushing his teeth, spat, and rinsed out his mouth.

IZZY

Hansel picked at the pancakes a little more, looking down.

LINA

"Guess I... might try going to sleep," Goro said. "I been hoping I'd get my memories back, maybe."

IZZY

He winced. "Yeah," he said quietly. "Maybe. Sleep it off." He paused. "You want me to stay?"

LINA

"Um. I." Goro waved his hands around, trying to cut Hansel off from saying anything before he found his own words. "Um. It ain't that I don't want you around, or nothing. But I dunno. I think I'd feel weird sleeping with someone else there?"

IZZY

Hansel nodded quickly, swallowed it down. "Yeah, I get you. S'okay. I'll, uh ..." He wanted to say, I'll be next door if you need me, but the idea of sleeping in there without Goro, maybe without Mishka, since Mishka would likely be busy running around, not sleeping -- it was too much. The room'd be too empty. So he said, "I'll see you in the mornin', then, aye?" and pushed himself up.

LINA

"Um." Goro reached for him abruptly, then pulled back. "Uh. Maybe one more hug, though?" He cringed, embarrassed.

IZZY

He softened. Couldn't tell if that made it -- better or worse. "Yeah. 'Course." He stepped in to wrap around Goro, like he always did, nice and firm, face planted in his hair, and squeezed him tightly. Enough to get him through to night.

Enough to get them both through the night.

LINA

"Are you gonna be... nearby?"

IZZY

"Ah. Uh, I dunno." He cleared his throat. He didn't wanna admit how fucking sad he was. "Probably gonna go 'round the castle, make sure everyone's a'right. Check on Luci, and all. I might, uh. I might crash on the couch, out in the li'l sitting room." That would be good -- closer than him being in his own room. And maybe it wouldn't be so fucking awful.

LINA

Goro wanted to be able to find Hansel if he needed something, but he was reluctant to admit it. Maybe Hansel didn't want to be easily found. Maybe he needed a break from fuckin' babysitting his amnesic husband.

"Okay," Goro said. "See you in the morning."

IZZY

Hansel gave him an extra hard squeeze. "Aye. It'll be okay. See you then, love."

He didn't let go.

LINA

[end]

TRP: Goro and Hansel (Amnesiac Husband). Day 407. Hansel comes to visit Goro, plying him with food and tight hugs, and helping him get more comfortable in his room.