Headhunters 4: The Ferocious Fifteen

## Introduction

One week down, one head chopped. Wildcat might not have had a QB, but he certainly got help from one. He survives to play another week with a little assistance from a man named GeKnow Smith...

## In Memorium: CoachKnows

Oh Know.

It seems nearly impossible that a team could perform so far below their projection. But this week, against all odds, Coach Knew how to pull it off.

Everything was looking good heading in to week 1 (or should I say BEheading?). Coach's 193.19 projection was good enough for just 12th in HH, but with Mixon Beer - now operating under the new name "Wildcat"- projected for only 172.61 and operating out of the one-QB set, it seemed like a lock that Big Game would be living to fight another week. But the Fantasy Gods were out hunting, and once they get a buck in their crosshairs they are money with the trigger.

So where did it go wrong for Big Game other than under there?

I just made you say underwear.

Well for one, CoachKnows was sitting pretty during the 1pms, licking his chops at the thought of potential grabs from Wildcat or Bad Boys. It's almost like someone started running their leg of the relay before the baton was passed. The Fantasy Gods were not pleased.

Eight of ten starters proceeded to finish below projection. Lamar Jackson was a bright spot, and as a result Bateman and Andrews had decent days. Outside of the Baltimore offense it was ugly. Godwin was hurt in a game he probably shouldn't have been playing. Lance played in a monsoon. Denver is coached by a bunch of dumbasses so they sucked against Seattle. Cobb is a walking corpse. Ameer Abdullah probably shouldn't have been started even in a 16-teamer. And the most disappointing of all was Mike Williams, who couldn't capitalize even after Keenan Allen went down.

Despite all that, it was still a photo finish to kick off the year. After a disasterous 4pm slot, it became clear that KVR was safe and this was a three man race for *Not Last* between Guilloteam, Coach Knows, and Wildcat. Wildcat was at the disadvantage, having already scored his 125.70. Coach was projected for 128.07 despite the Williams and the Pollard and the Abdullah and the Cobb, but that's a narrow margin with the defense remaining. Meanwhile Guilloteam, who came in to Monday with a league low 103.75, was still projected to clear 125.70 with a decent 154.33 and finished 12th with 152.05.

The precipitous fall from grace for CoachKnows comes as a bit of a surprise, but week one is the most volatile of weeks and the Gawds can come for anyone at any time. He'll have the longest of offseasons to think about his mistakes and reload for next year, where hopefully Coach will Know how to survive beyond opening weekend.

CoachKnows:

## Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022)

Not sure how many more years of this chart we can do before the columns bust off the screen but we have at least one more go of it.

Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022)

## Dead Money

Keeping track of all the cash that never got spent by teams that are now eliminated.

Dead Money 2022

Our dear friend was finished before he even started.

## New Releases

1. Lamar Jackson
2. Rashod Bateman
3. Mark Andrews
4. Mike Williams
5. Trey Lance

#### Quick-Hit Thoughts

* No pre-season bids his year, with the only money being spent going directly from Out of Luck to Guilloteam.
* Last year, week two only saw two players get scooped up for a total of $9. Will we break the record of 12 players from 2020 or $1339 from 2019? Stay tuned.

## Kings of the Castle

### 1. Out of Luck

Moment of silence for the week one champ AKA the Computer Draft King AKA Daddy Diggs. Swift and Jefferson are a fucking problem. Great job, autodraft. Goff and Trubisky? Okay, a problem in a different way. But that's for future Papa to worry about. Today? First place baby. All the wheeling and dealing and trading 10% of their budget for Jared Goff has paid off (for now). Don't let Luck get Lamar or we can all just pack our bags and call it a season.

### 2. Beach McBungalow

So far so good on McBungalow's decision to not go QB to start the draft. JT dropped 41.78, a vast improvement over his first pick from last season which was CMC. Waiting on QB yielded him a combined 68.62 points at the position, a good sign as he desperately needs to focus efforts on bolstering the WR corp. I've never seen an entire bench of runningbacks, but sure enough: six RBs, 0 depth at any other position.

### 3. It's Blitz! Track 2

There might not be a better combo in the league at WR than Adams and Kupp, who accounted for 34% of the team's total score. But it's probably not the best sign that four starters outscored QB2 Jacoby Brissett, and the vibes are not good in Dallas for Elliot and Schultz. Luckily for him, he has Big Booty Jeudy and with a big enough booty anything is possible.

### 4. burrow for sure-oh

I respect the hell out of sure-oh for just drafting their guys. Patterson is a sure-oh guy, so they went out and got Patterson and he rewarded her with 32.90. Burrow is a sure-oh guy, they got him for sure-oh. Higgins? Sure-oh guy, but that one didn't work out-oh. That's okay. They may have struck gold with Dontrell Hilliard, Taysom Hill, Berrios, and Wentz of all people. Strong depth for a team just getting started.

### 5. Bobecue Chicken

I'm so used to Bobecue finishing in the middle of the pack that I am not prepared to talk about them yet in 2022. I think we all probably have a share of Kmet somewhere so I'm not going to speak on him or Deebo, who both played underwater this week. One thing that is scary is how balanced this team seems to be. Chase and Brown lit it up, but they had plenty of other studs who did well enough without hiting their full potential. You think we're keeping Deebo tro 15 and Cook to 19 every week if they stay healthy? Fat chance .

## On the Chopping Block

### 15. Wildcat

Maybe they should be called the Wild Dogs because WOOF, this team is ugly. Mac Jones was so bad that Wildcat would have almost been better off keeping Tyreek Hill and just leaving the QB spot empty. His 19 points was still back-breaking, apparently, and now he has to hope he wins a bid in order to have a shot at a starter in week two.

### 14. Bad Boys

KVR is giving new meaning to Bad Boys this season. One would think stealing Tyreek Hill from the desperate Wildcat would be enough to boost this team into the upper half of HH but sure enough they are still pretty awful. A clear bright spot is Julio Jones, who looks young again. A clear dark spot is their RB group. Kamara, Etienne, and Akers. Rut Ruh. Paging McBungalow, come in McBungalow.

### 13. Muller Lite

The thing this team is lite on was points in week one. Are we really still doing this with Mike Davis? I almost vomited seeing him on a starting roster in the year of our lord 2022. Elsewhere, things just did not go their way. Dak..more like yak because that's what I wanted to do watching him play. Renfrow? More like RenThrow Up, because I almost did when he was on the field. Noah Fant? More like No I Can't...stop myself from puking everywhere. Insert other mean things here.

### 12. The Guilloteam

Because they had two key players going Monday Night, and because they started off Thursday with -1.70, this week really felt worse for Guilloteam than it actually was. Ideally, they'd score more than 152, which was 30 below projection. But also they had their WRs straight up not play basically. Where was DeVonta Smith? DJ Moore, you were supposed to be the chosen one! Courtland Sutton? More like Courtland Suckin', amiright?

### 11. deCaPitated

So far so average for the guy who voluntarily drafted from the 16 spot. Keenan Allen is iffy for Thursday night which effectively makes Mecole Hardman their WR2 until further notice. It's not a spot I necessarily would want to be in for Headhunters but hey, what do I know? This is the league's all-time leading scorer we're talking about here.

## Narrow Defeats

Margin of Defeat for Last Place Teams:

Margin of Defeat for Eliminated Teams

## Rulers of the Kingdom

2021 first place finishers:

Top Scorers by Week

## Single Season Scoring Records

As teams get eliminated, their single season performance will appear here.

## All-Time Combined Points Scored

Same as above: eliminated teams will have their 2022 season added to the total.

Wildcat needs to either survive this week or score at minimum of 148.50 on their way out the door to pass CoachKnows on the all-time scoring list. Meanwhile, Executioner draws closer to the top by picking up 50 points on CP and Guilloteam in just this one week. Henry VIII becomes the 15th team to break 4,000 points, the slowest to do so in HH history but that record will not hold for longer as Hasta Laviska approaches the milestone right behind him.

## Conclusion

One team down, 14 more to go until a champ is crowned. Now the bidding wars begin.

Happy bidding and see everyone next time.