Cyrano de Hercules Shooting Draft

## Cyrano de Hercules

Episode #15

Production #V0815

**Written by:** Carter Crocker

**Directed by:** Andrew Merrifield

Shooting Draft - May 18, 1998

Full Script - June 04, 1998

Pages 5, 9-9A, 18-19A - June 09, 1998

Pages 18-20 - June 10, 1998

Pages 18-20 - June 11, 1998

Pages 9-10B, 18-18A - July 22, 1998

Pacific Island Pictures, LTD, All Rights Reserved © 1998

## Cast List

Hercules

Jason

Iolaus - (ee-OH-lus)

Kora

Hephaestus - (he-FESS-tuss)

Galatea - (gal-a-TAY-a)

Penelope

Tyra

Sabrina (Non-speaking)

Young Woman at Bar (Non-speaking) \*

Burly Hairy Soldier (Non-speaking) \*

## Set List

**Interiors:**

Kora's Inn

Volcano - Forge

**Exteriors:**

Kora's Inn

Rocks Below Cliffside Path

Grassy Paddock - Picnic Area

Grassy Paddock - Between Rocky Outcropping & Picnic Area

Paddock - Far Rocky Outcropping

Rope Footbridge (to grassy paddock)

+ Edge of Pond \*

## Teaser

"Cyrano de Hercules"

FADE IN:

INT. KORA'S INN - DAY

A modest-sized crowd, but a lot of background chatter - suggesting people have a good time socializing. At the doorway, HERCULES appears, unwillingly, "escorted" in by IOLAUS & JASON.

Hercules
Look, I really son't want to do this.

Jason
Come on, Hercules. It's not going to hurt.

Hercules
I've never been on a blind date.

Jason
We need you. Two guys, three girls...

Iolaus
Do the math.
(frowns, then)
Not that the situation didn't have potential.

Jason elbows Iolaus. Hercules really hates this, but he's being maneuvered closer to one particular table. Three attractive young women, all their ages, are seated: PENELOPE, SABRINA, & TYRA.

Jason
(intros all around)
Ladies, this is Hercules. Penelope, Sabrina, and... your date... Tyra.

Tyra is especially pretty, but we can tell she hated this blind date business as much as Hercules does. The guys sit.

Hercules
It's, um, very nice to meet you.

Tyra
Is it?

Herc smiles and swallows hard. This could be a long night.

Hephaestus (O.S.)

Hey, fellas!

HEPHAESTUS hurries over to join them, pulling up an extra chair - an awkward set-up. Iolaus looks especially displeased.

Hephaestus
What a nice surprise!

Iolaus
(muttering to self)
Not the words I would have used.

The guys trade awkward looks. KORA arrives with a serving tray; she smirks at the guys' efforts.

Kora
(teasing)
Well. Looks like some local boys finally got a date!

She leaves the drinks, a bread plate, then leaves. Jason gives her a dirty look, then turns back to the girls:

Jason
So. Have you young la--

He;s interrupted as Hephaestus noisily SLURPS his drink. Jason shoots a look at Hercules.

Iolaus
How long have you--

Hephaestus again interrupts, crudely reaching in front of Iolaus.

Hephaestus
Ah, bread!

As Hephaestus stuffs bread in his face, Iolaus gives Hercules a hard look. The young women look very uncomfortable.

Iolaus
(terse whisper)
You want to do something about this?

Hercules looks around, full of dread.

Hephaestus
(eagerly to the girls)
Wanna see a neat trick?

The girls smile, meekly, weakly. Iolaus & Jason shoot Hercules quick hard looks. Hephaestus grabs up everybody's fork.

Hercules
(whispers to Jason, Iolaus)
Why me?

Iolaus
(terse whisper)
He's your brother!

We now see that Hephaestus has made a "wind-up waking toy" out of the forks. The little robot-thing walks across the table. The girls grimace, then smile meekly, weakly.

Penelope
It's getting a little late, isn't it?

Jason
(terse whisper)
Hercules, we're losing our dates!

Hercules stands, takes Hephaestus aside.

Hercules
Hey, Heph, could I see you a inute?

They head over to the counter. Hercules is awkward about this.

Hercules
Look, we, uh, me and the guys, we sort of had some plans for tonight and --

Hephaestus
Great, what're we going to do?

Jason & Iolaus come over, not looking very happy.

Hercules
(off their looks)
I was just about to tell Hephaestus... how much more fun he might have if he had a date of his own.

Hephaestus
(bright-eyed)
You'd do that? For me?

Iolaus
We'd do what?

Hercules shrugs to them.

Hephaestus
You'd help me get a date?
(before they can object)
What wonderful friends you are!

The Young Women are still at the table, sharing impatient sighs. Hercules, Jason, and Iolaus -- well aware that their dates are getting annoyed -- hurry over. Kora pauses in her work to watch:

Penelope
Jason.

Jason
Look, something's come up.

Penelope
Jason!

Jason
Give us one minute. We're really sorry.

Penelope
Jason!

BY THE BAR/COUNTER - Iolaus eases Hephaestus toward the counter where a PRETTY WOMAN sits alone.

Iolaus
All right, make us proud.

Hephaestus
(growing nervous)
Uh, what do I say first?

Jason joins them as Iolaus gives the guy a gently shove.

Jason
Try 'hello.'

Iolaus
Then tell her she has great eyes whether she does or not.

But Hephaestus grows nervous as he approaches the girl.

Hephaestus
Hello.

The Woman gives a deadly don't-eve-try-to-pick-me-up look. Hephaestus turns to the guys for advice; Iolaus points -- the eyes! Unfortunately, when Hephaestus is turned away... the Woman leaves and a BURLY HAIRY SOLDIER takes the stool.

Hephaestus
(not seeing she's gone)
You have very beautiful eyes.

When he turns back, he's shocked to see the Soldier glaring back at him. Jason and Iolaus hurriedly hustle Hephaestus away.

Jason
(to Soldier)
Sorry, you're not his type.

Iolaus
But you do have pretty eyes.

AT THE TABLE - the guys return with Hephaestus. The young women are gone. Kora is cleaning the table.

Jason
What happened? Why'd they leave?

Kora
Maybe they had better things to do than sit alone all night.

Jason and Iolaus trade looks, then hurry out after them. Hercules is left with Hephaestus.

Hercules
Look, Hephaestus. Don't sweat it.

The poor fellow doesn't seem too cheered.

Hercules
The guys mean will, but they don't know what they're talking about. You can't make a girl like you.

Hephaestus
No. But I could make a girl.

As Kora joins Hercules, they frown at each other.

Kora
(sarcastic)
Oh yeah, sure...

Hercules
(shrugs)
He is the god of making stuff.

Hephaestus thinks about this and smiles; he likes the idea.

Hephaestus
And you'll help me.

Herc looks worried, miserable.

Hercules
Oh, no...

FADE OUT.

## Act One

FADE IN:

EXT. KORA'S INN - DAY

Hercules walks along with Hephaestus, away from the building.

Hercules
Hephaestus, making a girl sounds like an incredibly bad idea.

Hephaestus
I can do it.

Hercules
It's not 'can,' it's 'should' -- and believe me, you shouldn't. It's wrong.

Hephaestus isn't hearing -- he's too concentrated on the idea.

Hercules
A person's too unique, too precious, too complicated -- especially a female person.

Hephaestus
But why?

Hercules
I don't know. But they sure seem more complicated to me.

Hephaestus
But I want to know. what is it in a woman?

Hercules
Well... I don't know.

As they're walking, Hercules dones't realize that Hephaestus is trying to pump him for information.

Hephaestus
I want to understand. I've lived most of my life alone. I haven't experienced the world like you. So tell me: What makes a woman what she is?

Hercules
Hephaestus -- it's anything, it's everything.

Hephaestus
What things?

Hercules
(at a loss; then)
Well... a woman is... smart.

Hephaestus nods - as in, go on, go on.

Hercules
A woman knows herself and has a strong will.

Hephaestus again nods eagerly, putting an inventory together.

Hephaestus
(to self; eager)
Strong like bronze.

Hercules doesn't realize he's feeding Hephaestus exactly the information he wants.

Hercules
A woman's senses are amazing. She sees and hears things that a man can't. A woman's heart is pure.

Hephaestus
Pure like gold?

Hercules
She's caring, generous, full of love and affection.

And on they go, into the distance.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. VOLCANO - FORGE - MONTAGE - DAY

Hephaestus uses a bellows to urge the fire on. He gathers supplies: gold, bronze, then begins his work: Sparks fly, coals glow, hammer strikes metal. He's quite an artist. The woman is slowly taking shape. But we see only bits. A foot here. An arm there. Hephaestus is 1,000% consumed by his work.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. VOLCANO - FORGE - END OF MONTAGE - DAY

One last tap with a burnishing hammer and...

Hephaestus
(to self)
It's done.

Now we see the metal girl-statue. It is remarkable. But very METALLIC-LOOKING, very INHUMAN.

Hercules (O.S.)
Hephaestus?

Hercules enters the forge area.

Hephaestus
Galatea. I'll call her Galatea.

And he sees the girl-statue. He's awestruck.

Hercules
You didn't...

Hephaestus looks pleased by the creation.

Hephaestus
What do you think?

Hercules
It's beautiful. It's perfect.

Hephaestus
Not 'it'.' 'She.'

Hercules looks worried - this was what he feared might happen. Proud Hephaestus nods. He picks up a hand-shovel of glowing coals and blows: fiery magic whooshes through the air and rains down on the statue.

Hephaestus
It will take a minute. I'll be right back - I have something for her.

Hercules starts to ask Heph to stop, but he's too late - Heph's out the door...

Hercules
Wait!
(realizes)
Oh, well...

Hercules eases over to the statue. He's fascinated by how real the metal looks. He touches her arm, then CLANKS it with his knuckle as if to be sure it is metal.

Hercules
Amazing...

He leans in closer, inches away, gently touching her cheek with his fingertips. Suddenly she shivers. A startled Herc CRIES OUT and leaps back, tumbling to the floor.

THE END