Twisted Advance

The disturbing and aberrant world of Twisted Advance

Country's borders and other such trivial matters have become difficult to define, especially in this day and age.

### Inhabitants

Tysans,Humans,Dwarves,Autists,Tree Huggers,Lizard Men,Aliens from Outar SpaessMidgetsFURFAGSCountless other aberrant species

## IT'S A BACKWARDS WORLD WE LIVE IN

Twisted Advance is, at its heart, a story about near retarded people wading their way through a strange land that is nearly as retarded as they are. From the most decrepit homeless loser, to the richest snobby little shit, everyone in Twisted Advance is somewhat crazy.

As outrageous as it is, the world of Bethesda has its roots in the insignificant planet known as Earth, a painfully average spit of dust suspended in a starbeam, with an equally sophomoric sentient race that populated its idiotic landscapes. This all changed with the great chromosome shift of 1984, which saw the Earth and its inhabitants phase shifted to the world of Bethesda due to the 11 year old, Alex Jones, inhaling funny gas at a birthday party, giving him a premonition that the first reptilian, Mark Zuckerberg would destroy the world. Using console commands, he hard killed Mark Zuckerberg before he could conquer the world.

This, in turn, greatly angered the forces at work, causing them to punish the entire race to which the rebel belonged, resulting in humanity being relocated to a reservation/Bethesda, left to die.

Retardation rates skyrocketed, and its was concluded by world governments that the only way to save humanity was to create a race of protectors that were immune to chromosome cancer. This race would be the Tyrsans, who were conscripted into fighting the now numerous enemies of humanity and its allies using scraping the barrel conscription law.

## TIMELINE IN DEPTH

### The chaotic 80s

The years immediately following the great chromosome shift were extremely chaotic and devastating. Due to the infinite size of Bethesda, cities, towns and settlements found themselves at an infinite distance to each other. What this meant is that for some three years, all of human civilization was disconnected at the smallest level. This all changed in 1987, when the great psycher Alex Jones utilized his DMT affinity to invent psionic jump drives. Using this method of instantaneous travel, Alex Jones was able to go to his favorite porn store, which was in Fort Worth, and this marked the first time two settlements were tethered once again. the next year was spent linking everything that mattered back together. for the next 5 years, human civilization enjoyed somewhat of a golden age, in spite of the increased population of retards.

New species were found, with the Japanese especially liking the elves, a reclusive species of pussy ass tree huggers that were being genocided by the chad dwarves. Naturally, the cuckolds of the east rallied together in a crusade to save their "waifus" from the heinous dwarves, who proceeded to massacre the shut in losers. Greatly disturbed by the depravity of these "otakus," the Dwarves extended the genocide crusade to the rest of humanity.

It was a slaughter. From the beginning of the great vorebjorn war in 1992, to the turning point of 1999 the dwarves destroyed every army arrayed against them, leveled every city they captured, and glazed every human and elven female they came into contact with. Of course, this was very easy against the Chinese PLA and JSDF (the japs would later make a revisionist anime, GATE: JSDF to make it look like they actually kicked ass in this conflict.), but once the dwarves commenced an invasion of Russia and the EU, the world once again looked to the esteemed Alex Jones for guidance.

Honored with such authority, Alex Jones created the first Tyrsans by making a REAL HUMAN (AND HE'S COMING) forcefully turn himself into a vampire, then rape and absord the essence of an angel and a demon. These new beings would prove more than a match for the big dicked dwarves, but there was a crushing weakness. The only source of nourishment for this great race were furfags, a wretched race of deviants, and the dwarves found this out. Butt raping the furfags for themselves, the dwarves nearly won the war in 1997 by denying the Tyrsans their food source, but under Alex Jone's direct leadership, they emerged victorious on September 11, 2001. After five tense nights in Pyongyang, the dwarves signed the treaty of Beijing Tiananmen, where Alex Jones agreed to allow them to annex the PRC, in exchange for not killing humanity and the elves. The first Tyrsans, made from the purest ubermensch left among humanity, fucked the shit out of each other, with the second generation of Tyrsans that would defend humanity in the 21st century cumming in 1999 at the earliest. These were true chads, born troopers with semen in their cocks.

## THE NEW ORDER (1999-PRESENT.)

The New Order was marked by the first generation of born and bred Tyrsans, people that were never human to begin with, they were something else from the get go. Thankfully, the cringe tendencies from the parts that made them up never showed in any, and thankfully they were all healthy and seemed to grow up without a hitch.

This was good news, as it was on the horrid year of 2003 that it was revealed the the terrible Zuckerberg had not been snuffed out all those years ago, and the angered reptilian finally mustered the strength to declare a genocide crusade against the forces of Alex Jones, his immortal enemy. Deciding to hit Jones where it hurt the most, Zuckerberg turned OG Mudbone, mightiest of the Tyrsans, against Alex Jones, using promises of grandeur and conquest to turn the prodigal son to the dark side.

Using his newly granted reptilian powers in tandem with his Tyrsan might, OG Mudbone slaughtered all of his fellow original Tyrsans in the Glazeclypse, coalescing their collective power into five beings, the Glaze Hand. Mudbone, as well as his five extremely powerful underlings, were given the Ordenstaat Frank as their own personal Fief, a corrupted and terrible continent at the center of which was Zuckerberg's own dominion, the Moist Pit. An aberrant nation, the Frank is blockaded and opposed by nearly all the nations of the world that are based.

Back to the forces of good, Alex Jones, broken from Mudbone's betrayal, became a hermit for 4 years, until the release of Halo 3, in which he came back to society to play it. Hopping on xbox live, Alex Jones found that the 1st generation of Tyrsans were toxic little shits, which greatly impressed him. One in particular, named Kooma, caught Jone's personal attention. Resolving to train this new generation to the best of his ability in order to combat the glaze hand, Jones became their teacher and mentor, beginning with Kooma, who would later become the legendary Gamer Supreme, and later taking in other great warriors such as Super Stalin, Koroshitekure, Tesskue, and Schowzy. These, along with their comrades in arms, would be known as the "Old Breed," the first wave of soldiers to be sent against the forces of cringe. Even to this day, their mission remains incomplete, and they continue to fight.