2023 Power Rankings-Playoffs 1

## Introduction

On paper, the week 14 matchups left a lot to be desired. But the results were somewhat shocking. Idiots managed 237 points out of nowhere and Papa fell short to rival Sweet Dee, failing to reach that necessary 7th win and losing out on the playoffs. It is a sad end to PAPA MAGIC, but maybe the beginning of Idiot magic? Stupid Magic? We'll workshop it.

We also saw Paddock 9 nearly lose yet again, seriously bringing into question whether this season's endgame is really set in stone. Plus, Mattness notched win 10 but lost his QB and almost lost his star WR.

All that leads to a quarterfinals in which 8 of the league's 12 trophies are at play. Four-time champion Shotti faces two-time champion and defending Glory Bowl winner momma in the sixth postseason showdown between these two storied franchises.

On the other end, you have 2018 champion Sweet Dee facing 2021 champion Stupid Idiots, meeting in the quarterfinals for the second time.

Both of these teams went 1-1 against each other in the regular season. And this is truly anyone's week, with injuries all over the place. Should be an exciting opening round of the playoffs.

## Matchup Recap

* Paddock 9 secures the most single-season wins of all time with a victory against RIPDab (11-8). **Next Matchup: 2024 Double-Header**
* The Multiverse of Mattness gets a rare win against the team who gave him DJ Moore, notching a 10th victory on the season and burying the last place Pain Train (7-13). **Next Matchup: 2024 Double-Header**
* Sweet Dee, in one of the league's great rivalries, ties the head-to-head series and knocks from the playoffs the surging Papa's Posse (10-10). **Next Matchup: 2024 Double-Header**
* The Stupid Idiots, in their first matchup since the Glory Bowl, gets championship-caliber revenge and books a ticket to the Festival of Champions with a no-doubter against ma ma momma said (8-6). **Next Matchup: N/A (if these two do not meet in the Glory Bowl, they will next face in a 2024 double-header)**
* Duck Punchers goes out on a high-note, breaking a series tie against an old foe and notching a third straight win in a season finale victory over the unusually low-scoring Shotti Bunch (11-10). **Next Matchup: 2024 Double-Header**

## Stat Chat

* Paddock 9 becomes the first 12-win team in LOC history.
* RIPDab becomes the 4th team to lose 100 combined games.
* RIPDab misses playoffs for the first time since 2019.
* Pain Train loses 10 games for the first time in franchise history.
* This is the third year in a row that Shotti scored between 2900-2975 points, had his longest win streak at 2 games, his longest losing streak at 3 games, and finished the regular season 7-7.
* Duck Punchers is the only team with a 3-game win streak in 13 straight seasons.
* Duck Punchers is the first team to finish a season with more points but five fewer wins than in his previous campaign.
* Mattness logs 10 wins for the first time since 2018.

## All-Time Regular Season Standings

Below are the all-time regular season records for every franchise in the history of the league, including defunct teams. Records are updated through 12/16/23. There have been 172 regular season weeks since the league's inception in 2011. I'm too lazy to update the win% right now so that is not correct. The W/L columns are though.

## All-Time Single Season Records

In total, there have been 132 full seasons in the LoC. In 2011, 12 teams played 13 regular season games. Since then, there have been twelve more full seasons played with ten teams in each.

Updated through 2023 season

This is the first time since 2019 that every team reached at least four wins. And it is also the first time a team has reached 12 wins.

## Final Week Standings

Updated 1/1/24

With their win, Mattness takes a two game lead on the rest of the league as the best final week team in LOC history.

Thanks to the game results this week, five teams have won 7 times in the season finale. Shott is on a three-year losing streak while Paddock 9 is on a four year win streak, which is the longest ever achieved.

Sweet Dee and Idiots, notoriously bad finishers, both won and were finally able to move beyond JarJar Stinks! in these standings. Jar Jar only played three seasons, while Dee and Idiots have played 11 and 7, respectively.

## Most Seasons with No Back-to-Back Losses

Seasons Without Back-to-Back Losses
 The Shotti Bunch
 ma ma momma said
 Multiverse of Mattness
 Pain Train
 Paddock 9
 RIPDab
 The Stupid Idiots
 Sweet Dee
 Papa's Posse

## Most Seasons with 10 Losses

In week 14, both Pain Train and Dab logged their 10th losses of the season. For Dab, that ties him for the 2nd most of all time (behind Commish and tied with Paddock 9 and Sweet Dee). For Pain, it is just his first season with 10 losses.

Seasons of 10 or more Losses by Each Team
 Paddock 9
 Sweet Dee
 RIPDab
 ma ma momma said
 Papa's Posse
 The Stupid Idiots
 The Shotti Bunch
 Pain Train
 Duck Punchers

## Team Records By Month

Updated thru 1/1/24

This name is sort of a misnomer, because with the extra week the "November" section nearly comprises two months now. This year it was six of the 14 games, and a few teams thrived while a couple others really took a hit.

RIPDab, a notoriously strong November player, went 0-6 in the final stretch. That brought him down to nearly .500 all-time. Mattness and Sweet Dee, on the other hand, each went 5-1 and brought their records way up. Dee still has work to do to hit .500, but Mattness managed to tie both Duck and Papa for the 2nd most wins in LOC history for the November/December stretch.

The most wins still belongs to Pain Train, who managed a 3-3 record to hit 40 wins.

The fewest wins still belongs to Idiots, who went 1-5. However, that "1" was the only one that mattered as it was enough to clinch him a playoff berth.

## 2023 Narrowest Wins of the Week

RIPDab at the wrong end of four narrow games in 2023. Paddock 9 at the right end.

## Highest Single-Season Point Totals

These are regular season point totals and do not take into account points scored in the post-season tournaments.

Since the season was extended to 14 games in 2021, the official record is per game average, not total for the season.

As great a season as Paddock had, he tailed off towards the end and fell short of the all-time great years as far as regular season scoring goes. Shotti's 2016 campaign is still the gold standard. Not only did he nearly hit momma's 2021 total of 3241.40 (which is the most ever scored, but with an extra game), but he also took home the trophy that year (something momma was unable to do in 2021, nor were any of the other top five scoring teams).

## Highest Single-Season Point Against Totals

Here is the chart you do not want to see your name on, and unfortunately Papa sees his name on this a lot. While his 3137 is not enough to take down 3169.14 against Idiots in 2018, it is still the 10th-most points against by per-game average ever seen in a single season.

## Who's Hot, Who's Not?

Charts are color-coded on the website but only if you read on your computer/tablet. Nothing has color on mobile.

Scoring Over Last Three Weeks
 The Multiverse of Mattness
 Sweet Dee
 Papa's Posse
 ma ma momma said
 The Shotti Bunch
 Paddock 9
 The Stupid Idiots
 RIPDab
 Pain Train

Paddock 9 continues to remain in the bottom four this week, and the health of some key players is setting him up for what could be a tragic early exit in week 16.

Two of the four hottest teams, meanwhile, are going to be missing the playoffs. Duck is scorching at 730.28 over his last three, but will come in as the 8th seed in the consolation bracket next week. Papa is the 4th highest scoring team and will be 7th. They will face off against the only two teams in the league who failed to break 526 combined points over the last three games.

## This Time Last Year... (2022 Week 14 Standings)

This is the third year with 14 games, and so far I am not sure if I like it or not. More football = good. But the results have been less than stellar.

As I mentioned last week, the bottom four teams in 2022 have now become the top four teams in 2023. It's a sure sign that our consolation bracket/draft order process works!

## Above and Below

A chart to track how many games above/below projections for each team.

## Absolute Standings

Absolute Standings tracks the standings if the top five scoring teams won every week regardless of matchup.

### 2023

Wow. Look at this shit. Momma the luckiest team of the year, and Duck the unluckiest. Momma comes in three wins higher than expected and Duck three lower. Papa's Absolute record of 7-7 would have been enough to get him in the playoffs, but that extra win was not achievable thanks to some poor start/sits and really bad luck with the schedule.

## Trade Tracker

Hey Ladies and Gents, I am a little bit running out of time this week so these are not updated but I'll do both weeks next time.

### Nacua for Kupp

Starts (Paddock 9):

* 9

Starts (RIPDab)

* 10

Seems pretty clear to me who won this trade.

### Monty for Howell/Mostert

Starts (Paddock 9):

* David Montgomery - 4

Starts (Papa's Posse):

* Sam Howell - 1
* Raheem Mostert - 4

## Power Rankings - Week 14

### 1(2). The Shotti Bunch

Finishes a strong regular season with a weak performance, and has already erred with the benching of Jared Goff and his 50 FPs on Saturday night. But Shotti is still a heavy favorite in the opening round thanks to the combined forces of Alvin "Gimme That Kamara You Fucking Bitch I Don't Want you recording this I'll fucking kill you" and Mike the 1,000 yard Kid. There is also the added bonus of DeAndre Hopkins finding the fountain of youth and scoring points despite not having a quarterback. Tyreek Hill being out is both a blessing and a curse for Shotti. A curse because he is a fantasy bomb waiting to happen, but a blessing because nobody wants an injured player like him taking up a roster spot as a decoy. Knowing for certain you can bench him at least frees up a spot for...let's see...Looks like Amari Cooper. Could be worse! All in all this is a team to beat right now and not...

### 2(1). Paddock 9

I just have to call 'em how I see 'em, and I know this is nothing but bulletin board material for Paddock and the nines. But if RIPDab had been paying any kind of attention, and done small things like drop the kicker that has missed extra points in like five straight games, Paddock 9 would be heading into the playoffs on a 2-3 streak. Jalen is Hurt, Keenan Allen is injured (And out this week). Travis Kelce, and this is not to pile on to the Chiefs even though fuck them, is looking his age just like he did towards the end of the regular season last year. TJ Hockenson is in a very precarious situation in Minnesota with the QBs constantly changing and Jefferson being back. The team is just not hitting its stride at the right time. Unlike...

### 3(5). Sweet Dee

I don't want to take away from the performance by David Njoku by saying I MattJinxed that one into existance last week. He had two touchdowns and nearly beat CMC in scoring, but of course CMC had 37 points of his own. But this team is equal parts faith rewarded/faith punished. I felt like last week shoudl have been a bench Ekeler week, and she started him and he exploded. But this week, that faith backfired and Ekeler reminded us why he is losing carries to the rest of his friends in the backfield. Now at a disadvantage against the really stupid Idiots, Sweet Dee will need to hope for more of that San Fran Magic to get her to a week 16 date with...

### 4(3). Multiverse of Mattness

It didn't matter, but DeebGoGoGO!! Samuel once again had to score with the might of three men to make up for Justin JefferSON Are You Serious!? going down in the first quarter and Justin Hurtbert losing yet another finger to the turf. And it's that last bit that has Mattness heading down in the rankings. QB has not been an issue all year, except now that it matters most. Mattness made the tough decision to pick up Trevor Lawrence instead of Matthew Stafford, hoping to eventually snag both. But with Rhamondre Questionable for most of the week, the roster was locked up and Stafford went to Idiots instead. It will be interesting to see how that decision cascades across the playoff picture in the coming weeks.

### 5(6). Duck Punchers

I'm confused why Duck didn't just do this all season! It's nice Duck was able to finish strong, and even nicer that this potent squad is not in the big dance because I definitely would not want to be playing him. Duck Punchers is the only team that has never played in a Heart and Soul Bowl, and he will be favored to get there for the first time when he enters his week 16 matchup against RIPDab.

### 6(4). Papa's Posse

As I am writing this portion of the rankings my dad has just texted me the following story: a mouse trap went missing from his garage. He looked everywhere for the mouse trap. The mouse trap was gone. Where was the mouse trap? Today he found the mouse trap. It was not where it should have been. Inside the mouse trap was the head of the mouse. The body was gone. What at the mouse's body? Some larger creature, no doubt. Who hunts the hunters? Who watches the watchers? In many ways fantasy is Papa's mouse trap, and every year he gets snapped up in it. This year, he nearly escaped with the trap around his neck, but Sweet Dee found him and ate his body for nourishment.

### 7(9). The Stupid Idiots

When it mattered most, Idiots came through. But it wasn't Tua, or LaPorta, or his defense, or Zach Moss. No..it was Zeke fucking Elliot. The RB1 in standard scoring leagues. And Drake London. Wow. And now he has advantage of Dee in the first round, which nobody saw coming, thanks to a three-TD Saturday from Sammy The Door. Zach Moss got hurt, which opened the door for...I cannot belivee I'm typing this...Trey Sermon to get some carries for the Colts. And turning his back on the man who gave him a championship in 2021, Tee Higgins, was probably a smart move but did not pay off as he went for 23.90. But overall, Idiots is favored to win this one now which is insane considering he was a loss away from probably going to the Million Dollar Game.

### 8(7). Ma ma momma said

The guy stinks worse than a man's toes after walking barefoot through the Fiji jungle and then painting them white and sticking them in his mouth. But he is catching break after break with the way Shotti has managed his team and with injuries. Alexander Hamilton Mattison is out, which is honestly a favor to momma because stop starting this guy. Now Ja'SubPar Chase only put up 12 which isn't ideal, and really he still is a heavy underdog despite Shotti losing Hill. But things tend to roll his way and I would not count out another deep run just because momma likes to stick it to me when I skewer him in the writeup.

### 9(8). Pain Train

Took what could have been the worst season ever witnessed and managed a three-game win streak that spared him from being in the conversation. Instead, it was just a forgettable year that will blend in among the others over time. Pain Train's team was so bad that he got blown out even though Commish's QB only scored 2.54 points. CJ Stroud is great but turns out he really needs his weapons. Dallas Goedert, the steal of the fucking season, was a little underwhelming in his first game back. And Najee Harris is doing Najee Harris things again. Pain Train still has what it takes to boom on the right week and make waves in the consolation bracket.

### 10(10). RIPDab

Lost his lockerroom worse than Bill Belichick.

## Matchups of the Week: The Old Gods and the New

This week is really about the old regime, momma and Bunch, and the new, Idiots and Dee.

First up, the momma vs. Shotti showdown that we didn't know we needed.

Momma has been one of the few teams over the years to have Shotti's number, going 5-2 against him over the last three years. Momma has a winning record against Shotti but is just 2-3 against him in the postseason, including a Glory Bowl V loss in 2015.

This game may turn on the Engram vs. Baltimore Defense showdown Sunday night, and will certainly culminate in fireworks on Monday as Shotti's Swift goes up against Momma's Philly D, Tyler lockett, and DeVonta Smith.

Meanwhile, the young blood goes at it with Idiots looking to keep hope alive for a third consecutive Glory Bowl appearance.

Dee won a close one back in November during Idiots massive losing streak that nearly cost him the playoffs. But Idiots is favored in week 15 and looks to be plugging in Matt Stafford over Tua with Tyreek out. Dee has already seen her QB take the field, and Russell Wilson beat his modest 24 point projection (though not by much).

Unlike the previous matchup, this one will be decided by the end of the day. Idiots entire team is on the field no later than 4:05, not even the 4:25 window. And then whatever ground Dee needs to make up after that, she will need to do it with OBJ and Justin Tucker on Sunday night football.

The way that these games are staggered, with Dee/Idiots tonight and Momma/Shotti tomorrow, warms my heart.

## All-Time Postseason Records

Below are the win/loss records for every team for every postseason games. This combines Festival main bracket, Consolation bracket, and all consolation games (including Bowl Week games). It does not discriminate between Glory Bowl wins and Million Dollar Game wins. Therefore, the records should be taken with a grain of salt.

Updated through 2/12/23

## Conclusion

What does the day have in store? Some surprises I am sure! Looking forward to the action. Enjoy.