18th Century Man's Man

You just can't compete with a man like Sir Francis.

The most talked about man, Sir Francis, is everything he is cracked up to be and more. Watch as he wins all the ladies hearts of the evening through very precise elegance.

## Transcript

Mallory: My, what a lovely gala.
Whitney: Indeed. I do hope Sir Francis attains this eve.
Mallory: Indeed.
Natalie: Indeed.

Matt: Good evening, gentlemadams.
Whitney: Captain Blake.
Matt: My lady, I called upon you last Sunday morn', but your handmaiden said you were out.
Whitney: Oh dear captain, we were only just discussing the anticipated arrival of Sir Francis François.
Matt: I'm afraid I do not know Sir Francis.
Whitney: Oh, what a shame. He's only the most eligible man at court.
Mallory: A brave and noble man. He once saved an entire family from a burning home.
Natalie: I touched his kerchief once.
Matt: Well, I shall be most intrigued to meet this gallant hero.
Natalie: Ah, there he is.

Matt: Is he behind the pale woman, or...?
Whitney: Good evening, Sir Francis.
Mallory: Your rugged charm has cast a shadow over all who are in the room.
Natalie: I wish to bear your children.
Jason: Forgive me, dear madams, but your elegance and your grace would make even the fairest of swans bow their heads in complete submission. That is the sound a swan makes.
Matt: Sir Francis, I am captain Blake. I'm afraid that you've pranced away with the ladies' hearts this evening.
Jason: Oh, forgive me, captain, but I can not simply seize my charm, for it is attached to me through and through.

Matt: Sir Francis...
Jason: Please, call me Franny.
Matt: I think I'll just stick with Sir Francis.
Jason: I heard you and your troops were involved in a little squirmish with the Americans at the battle of Bunker Hill?
Matt: Yes, it was rather significant, actually.
Jason: Oh captain, I applaud your little games of combat, though I don't care much for fencing myself.
Matt: Well actually, we mostly use muskets now.
Jason: Oh, muskets are dreadfully smoky, I say, captain. You must watch yourself, or by this time next year, you shall have an incurable case of laryngitis. Oh wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. That is the sound you will make.

Matt: My lady, may I have the honor of this dance?
Jason: Dearest goddess, would you accompany me on this next dance?
Mallory: I'd be delighted!
Jason: I know.

Whitney: I say, have you ever seen such a strapping, young man?
Matt: Would we say "strapping"?
Whitney: Oh captain, do not be jealous of Franny's domineering presence.
Jason: I say, the waltz has left me rather flushed. I'm not accustomed to exerting myself.
Natalie: Are you alright, Franny?
Jason: Ah, sink me!

Whitney: Oh dear, his fervent dancing overtook him.
Mallory: What a strong and passionate man among men!
Matt: What?!
Whitney: Oh, yes! Wake up, my love.
Jason: How lovely it is to be awoken by such lovely faces.
Matt: You can not be serious! Am I to understand that this man commands all of your affection, where here I stand, a war hero, a man who has looked death in the eye and dressed his own battle wounds?
Jason: But have you dressed your own puppy?
Whitney: Oh dear! Oh, Franny!
Natalie: So manly!

Matt: I can not believe you ladies.
Jason: Hold King George III.
Natalie: Hello, King George.
Jason: I will defend your honour.
Matt: Defend their honour. This man is not a man at all. You expect me to believe that he rescued a family from a burning building? He can hardly dance the waltz if that's what it was. En garde, sir.

*Help! Please, somebody! That man stole my necklace!*

Stephen: Out of me way, you popinjay!
Jason: Hm, I think not!

Matt: Sir Francis, I believe I owe you an apology. It seems that I've misjudged...
Jason: Lick the wound.
Matt: I'll be by the drinks.

## Trivia

* This sketch was uploaded on the same day as the episode aired on BYUtv.
* This is the longest sketch of Season 1 Episode 9, based on duration.
* This is the thirtieth sketch to be written by Matt Meese.
* This is the fifth sketch in a row to be directed by Julian Riley, after Weighty Matters, Shoulder Devil, Emergency Pitch Meeting and Ditching Dobby.
* This is the first sketch since How Are You Feeling in which all ten Cast members are playing in a sketch.
* This is the first sketch with the recurring character Franny.
* Whitney (Call) Meek, Natalie Madsen and Adam Berg aren't credited in the description, but they do appear in the sketch.
* This is the second sketch, after While You Were Out, in which an unknown voice is featured.
* The music during the end slates is changed to fit in with the circumstances of the sketch.