Cinematic Venom

> "For NOUGH reason!"
>
>

**Rob Boor**, formerly known as **Cinematic Venom**, is a YouTuber who primarily reviews movies

## History

### vs *The Lord of the Rings*

> "The movie is just walking and talking!"
>
>

MauLer, Rags, Al, Weekend, and newcomer Armoured Skeptic first encountered Cinematic Venom in EFAP 93, in his video "**The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy (2001-2003) - 1,001 Movies You Must See Before You Die #34**" where he made the bold claim that *The Lord of the Rings* movies are awful. His video began with a skit of him worrying aloud to his simultaneously old- and young-looking friend that reviewing the movies negatively wouldn't be worth the backlash it would receive, which gave Rags Jared flashbacks due to the dirty lightswitch in frame, though conversely he was supportive of the hole put in the wall by the door handle, since that allows the door to be opened wider. Skeptic could not help but admire the charm in the early internet homemade feel of it. Cinematic Venom rebutted the claim that he needed to read the books to appreciate the movies, a claim Rags had never seen much to begin with, by recounting that he had read them in high school and didn't enjoy them either. On the flipside, he noted Peter Jackson had made *Bad Taste* and *Brain Dead*, two of his favorite films outside of *Shawshank Redemption* and *The Green Mile*. He did praise the film's incredible visuals but figured its budget went into the production rather than the script, despite a script being the one thing that does not improve with money. He chalked up what he claimed was weak acting to a bad script, which he proved with a clip of the line "Put it out you fools!", which nobody else could find issue with. Early on he started his propensity for assuming people just liked these movies because Peter Jackson directed them, as well as his regular appeals to the Nostalgia Critic as a go-to film reviewer.

Cinematic Venom asked if any of the film's characters had any actual character to them, an already baffling claim made worse by Faramir and Boromir being onscreen when he asked it. He conceded that Boromir and maybe Gandalf do have some character, though he summed up Gandalf's only role as introducing people by their full names so the audience knows who they are, apparently unaware that Gandalf was introducing them to Frodo, who had just met them. Cinematic Venom began his habit of assuming any expression of warmth between two characters was a sign they wanted to have sex with each other, this time wondering if Gandalf was asking Sam and Frodo to bone in front of him. He brushed off Frodo as having no purpose but to hang around, despite him literally being the ring bearer, and contrasted him against Harry Potter, who he described as having struggles and hardships, making mistakes, always being there for his friends and family, and being humble and not wanting the glory, raising the question of how these did not also describe Frodo, who Skeptic pointed out literally left the planet at the end of the trilogy. Venom did concede that Frodo "struggles sometimes as well," but cited Frodo running from danger while his friends were being chased as a mark against his character, which Al reminded was because Merry and Pippin instructed Frodo to run while they created a distraction. Rags noted that this also flew in the face of Venom having previously called Merry and Pippin useless. This marked the first time a video covered on EFAP had ever made Weekend upset, and a superchat suggested that perhaps Patrick Willems had been right to say someone could watch movies wrong. At this point, it was noted that Cinematic Venom himself was watching the stream.

Cinematic Venom considered Lurtz the best character in the movie, mocking the books for not having him and bemoaning that he was "Darth Maul'd" in the first film. Al could not help but notice that among his criticism of a lack of character, his favorite character was the corrupted monster with no motives of his own, something Skeptic noticed similarly with him complaining the Nazgul were not in the movie more. Also on the topic of Nazgul, he questioned how they were stopped by deep water but could go through shallow water later. He doubted the theme of people of all backgrounds coming together, since the Orc are relegated to being slaves, not considering that the Orcs were created to be corrupted and it was the villains who were enslaving them, and if a hypothetical good Orc wanted to fight for good they likely would have been welcomed. He went on that all of the good races were white and all the bad ones were black, to which the cast pointed out there were black Gondorians, major villains like Saruman, Grima, and Gollum were white, and even the "white" races had tensions between them. Bizarrely, he also described the movie as portraying the Hobbits as the superior race, apparently forgetting a Hobbit was chosen because of how small and unambitious they were. Cinematic Venom considered Gandalf's death lame, arguing that the heros, who were under fire by arrows and told to run by Gandalf himself, did nothing to save him from the Balrog hanging from his ankle. He extrapolated this out to him not caring about any potential for death, since he knew they would not kill the heros in the first movie, raising the question of whether he thought it was possible for supporting characters to die this early on. He then questioned why Eowin cried when she thought Frodo was dying since she barely knows him, Skeptic having to remind everyone that crying when someone dies is normal and Al adding that Frodo would turn into a Nazgul, a fate worse than death. At this point in the stream, Cinematic Venom posted on Twitter about someone saying it would take too long to say how wrong his video was, which he interpreted as them not being able to counter his claims. Naturally, he also said all opinions are subjective anyway.

Cinematic Venom argued Saruman had no reason to turn evil, believing Gandalf's description of him as mad was the only reason given, and apparently forgetting him explaining he thought Sauron was a sure winner and wanted to be on the side of the victor. This prompted Al to note that for all his complaints about too much exposition, he ignored the exposition that actually was there. He mocked the fight between Gandalf and Saruman as silly because they're two old men and it ends with Saruman spinning Gandalf around, when him spinning Gandalf was done specifically to humiliate him. Bizarrely enough, he boiled down Saruman summoning a storm via incantation just him "talking to a mountain."

TBA

visuals are great, which he hates since the long sweeping shots of landscape are used too often and people don’t focus on the script enough

Video shows that he is either huge fan of *Harry Potter* as he constantly compares *LOTR* to *Harry Potter* or throws references to it, - he didn’t care about the characters when they died, only Boromir and villains like Lurts, as he found them cool, - felt nothing when characters were dying or they had fake-out deaths, unlike HP where he always cared when people died. Also Harry Potter killed a Basilisk and it was awesome

Many of his critiques were that things just happened "For Nough Reason"

Then Saruman tries to talk a mountain to death and asks it to make people like him as Count Dooku.

Some of his most bizarre critiques were sexual in nature, like joking Gandalf fingers Frodo while the hobbit sleeps and Gandalf riding a horse with Pippin looks like they are having butt sex. Also some of the closeup shots are into his nostrils.

Most of his comments on Sam and Frodo were gay jokes without any rhyme or reason beyond things like "l want to sit on your penis" and "I want my dick sucked!" and he says it would be okay if the two were actually gay, but since they are not… To be fair, it seemed like his comments on Frodo and Sam's gayness were a poor attempt to ape a point made by the Nostalgia Critic about their friendship coming off more romantic than platonic. Him repeatedly mocking them for being gay came not from any sincere homophobia on his part, but from him thinking the same gay joke was far funnier than it actually was.

Gimli is the Jar Jar of the Trilogy- which means he is a annoying and unfunny comic relief in Cinematic Venom's eyes. He thinks that Gimli has only one good joke in the trilogy the "That still only counts as one" line. What doesn't make sense is that Gimli is comedic relief but is somehow able to kill an orc with his bare hands, since comic reliefs can't be badass. Also he is a "annoying fuckward" when he messily cries over his cousin's death in Morria, instead of shutting up and letting the audience feel the emotion, Gimli breaks that investment by "blubbering in the background"

He comments that he does like long movies but felt that *Lord of the Rings* only has enough material for half of the runtime - forming of Fellowship happens at the hour and half mark, intro is 6 minutes log and counsel meeting takes 8 minutes.

Lot of the fault is put on the fact that the trilogy is not memorable, as CV had to ask his friend about names and events as he couldn't remember them for the review, even though that is his own fault for not making good enough notes or paying attention to the scenes. Most of names he thinks are dumb and he can't remember any of them, which is funny coming from a someone that likes Harry Potter, which also has a lot of weird names

Legolas is too perfect

CGI looks bad, except Gollum

why did Frodo wait till night before he went to look for Bilbo, everyone has pointed this plothole out

fight with Gandalf and Saruman is funny because its old men fighting, especially spinning

He beliefs that since you can summarize the whole trilogy in one sentence it means that the trilogy is bad.

why would anyone want the corrupting ring, especially since only good power it gives you is immortality “Whats the point of being immortal if it doesn’t give you any fucking powers”

Gandalf yelling “do not take of some conjurer of cheap tricks” outburst comes out of nowhere

Characters constantly state the obvious and lines are lame. - Gandalf only states peoples names for audience - Gimli saying "dead?" rhetorically is bad writing as he states the obvious - also he missed meaning behind "this is a good sword", thinkint it similar to Godzilla's "that's a lot of fish".

it's arrogant to think that everyone likes LOTR, since he doesn’t

characters laughing when they are together again in the third film is weird

cool looking orc doesn’t have cool voice, would you imagine Darth Vader with the actors real voice? - Gollum doesn’t sound intimidating in 3rd film, would you imagine Darth Vader with lines like his?

Lurts the Urukhai is the best part of the first movie and Wormtongue could have been the main villain in the second movie because he looks cool.

dialogue is not modern, so it's bad

shows his notes, which are basic sentences with no elaboration

character moments where people talk has no character and adds nothing

closeups don't mean anything in intense moment since they are used too much

Harry Potter's journey meant something, Frodo's journey is too quickly started

likes Gollum in the second movie, but not in the third

during second movie the scenery was starting to get old, as it felt more like an advisement for New Zealand holidays - fight scenes are too long and start to drag after a while

Aragorn's yell when he kicks the helmet is the same as Darth Vader yelling "NO" as both are bad

Balrog has the worst CGI ever

Sam is a pansy since he reacts to dead bodies in a swamp

*Captain America Civil War* is not comic book accurate and people say so and think that is bad, but *Lord of the Rings* is not all book accurate and they think its goo'd

compares Jackson to Lucas for adding scenes after the movie was released, even though he did it because the movie was not as good as it could have been and not as some afterthought.

thinks Arwen wears a towel on her head

in the third movie Gandalf just wanders around and does things for the plot, ultimately he is not needed and is less interesting than Dumbledore

characters make random screams

he is not invested and doesn't care during important moments, especially since people can come back to life like Gandalf did

Thought Gimli wanted Sam and Frodo to die. He checked it twice, so its true.

movie has too many endings -- Sam gets married to disprove that he's gay -- Bilbo aged unnaturally -- it doesn't make sense that Frodo left because of his trauma and we never see him being traumatized

#### Aftermath

Cinematic Venom initially did not respond to the coverage well, making a series of angry tweets about it and periodically taking various unprompted jabs at MauLer in the following months

### Wolf vs

On EFAP 100, Wolf was asked his thoughts on CV's *Lord of the Rings* video. Suffice it to say Wolf had some choice words

### Documentary

Rob released a documentary titled "The Fall of Cinematic Venom," going over his own life history, the history of his channel, and various controversies and accusations surrounding him, some true, some false, and some a mix of the two. The documentary included current and former friends and exes of his detailing their experiences working with him, with many of them having issues with the way he behaved towards them but many also saying they had fond memories with him. Rob cleared up some misconceptions about him while also owning up to many of his wrongdoings and expressing an intent to do better going forward. This marked the end of the Cinematic Venom channel, though Rob still intends to make more content on other channels of his.

Rob did mention EFAP in this video, though compared to other topics covered it was relatively mundane. Rob agreed that he responded to the stream "like a little bitch" and expressed regret for having done so, though he did still take a jab or two at the premise for the podcast, namely on the grounds that it is long

### Redemption

Rob was invited onto an episode of the Southpaw'dcast. MauLer was already on his way out, as he had stated earlier that he only had about an hour to spend, so the two only got the chance to say a quick hi and bye to each other. Rob gave some insight into why he overreacted the way he did and misjudged the EFAP episode on his video, even playing into the "for NOUGH reason" quote that had become his de facto catchphrase. He spent the rest of the stream joking about Jared Leto's Joker with Southpaw and co, and agreed to re-watch *The Lord of the Rings* with them at a later time.

Rob would later upload a video onto his channel of himself reacting to and cringing at his old *The Lord of the Rings* review.

When a handful of chronophobes re-discovered EFAP's eleven-hour stream about ~~Jeb Bush~~ Jenny Nicholson oh my god, Rob tweeted in defense of them, arguing against the idea that they must have some chip on their shoulder about women since they tore apart his video just as harshly if not moreso than Jenny's

Whether or not Rob will appear on a future episode of EFAP is unknown

## Trivia

* He only likes the surface-level cool looking characters in *LOTR*, like the Nazgul, Wormtongue and Lurtz
* He can have sex 4 times in 8 minutes
* He really should go to horny jail, with all the sexual comments he makes
* J R.R. Tolkien is lazy for writing such a long book series instead of trimming it down, since he couldn't say the same in less words

## Quotes

* "Oh look, it's *Lord of the Rings* fans!"
 "Oohoo, Oh, that's- oh... that's a bit funny though"
 - Cinematic Venom & Weekend Warrior
* "You really think people are gonna give a shit what I actually have to say?"
 "I do"
 - Cinematic Venom & MauLer
* "I kind of love this video" - Armoured Skeptic
* "This entire universe only has two doors!" - Armoured Skeptic
* "He doesn't put a space after 'Fellowship' and then the next word"
 "It might be that there is a space and it just looks like their isn't" "Well then he needs to put another one"
 - Rags and MauLer
* "The miniatures cost more than the words on the pieces of paper" - Skeptic, applying Cinematic Venom's teachings
* "Let him have the dildo, alright" - Mauler, after CV called the great philosopher Bilbo Baggins "Dildo"
* "How do you make dialogue like that sound natural?"
 "Put it out you fools!"
 "What, he shoulda said, 'What're you doing you fucking retards!'?"
 - Cinematic Venom, Frodo, and
* "Ask yourself this - do any of these characters genuinely have any, well... character in this one?"
* "How would you describe Frodo other than he's the hero?......You can't, can you?"
* "Did he just want Sam to bone Frodo right in front of him?"
* "It bothers him a lot when men express emotions with each other"
 "... sexually"
 - Skeptic and MauLer
* "Oh, it's okay to be wrong"
 "Oh boy, that's gonna age well"
 - Venom and MauLer
* "Even though right here, he lets his friends get chased by a shitload of bad guys!"
 "[25 seconds of overlapping shouting]"
 - Cinematic Venom, and everyone else
* "It's like that scene in *Shrek*-"
 "Hey man, if he's gonna compare it to a masterpiece like *Shrek*, I'm actually okay with this"
 - Venom and MauLer
* "Sure, *Fellowship* is the least grandiose, the least happens in it, it is all character development. But if you ignore the character development, it looks like nothing happened" - Skeptic, applying Cinematic Venom's teachings
* "Also, gotta love, 'Read the books! Read the books!' although Lurtz, best part of the movie? Not in the book"
* "Oh yeah we're all equal, even though the Hobbits are much much better, much stronger, much more independent, much braver, and basically better at everything than us!"
* "Y'know, I'm going to keep comparing to *Harry Potter*-"
 "Nooooooo"
 - Cinematic Venom, and everyone else
* "Why did Frodo yell Gandalf's name when he fell? Like, enough with the exposition, we know his name already. Like calm the fuck down, terrible writing alert? I think so" - Rags, applying CV's teachings
* "It's okay to feel an emotion when you come across something that's dying"
 "Can I just highlight that Greg had to say that, 'It's okay to feel emotions when something is dying'?"
 - Skeptic and MauLer
* "What is the difference between a scene where a friend is dying, and a person in general that you care about is dying, and all you have is tearing up? How do you discern the difference, how is that done?"
 "The amount of teardrops that fall from the eyes"
 "Ah, of course, I'm retarded, of course"
 - MauLer and Al, applying Cinematic Venom's teachings
* "I don't care that you don't care, that's pretty much where I'm at"
 "Well don't worry MauLer, I care that you don't care, that he doesn't care"
 - MauLer & Rags
* "I've never seen someone be so efficiently wrong! Every sentence!" - Rags
* "Why is this guy saying so many mean things about my wizard movie?!" - Skeptic
* "I was just gonna complain too many cutaways, and it's literally a *Family Guy* cutaway" - Skeptic
* "The movie is just walking and talking!"
* "I will admit he's made a couple of jokes and a couple cutaways that made me laugh, but it's starting to-"
 "Name two"
 - Skeptic and Rags
* "Less is better"
* "Here she turns into a demon and then turn back, for no reason! It affects nothing!"
* "The spider's going to rape Frodo?"
* "Movie is just walking and talking, all for no reason whatsoever"
* "It's an adventure about jewelry"
* "I think the film's problem is this, I love the *Harry Potter* universe"
* "What the fuck's the point in being immortal if it doesn't give you any other fucking powers?"
* "My film had a 6-minute intro, but the difference is that was made when I had no idea about how filmmaking worked"
* "Writing 875 pages doesn't make it better writing, it makes it lazier if anything!"