312: Is Two Meters Enough?

## Summary

With the mirror monster and it's equally deadly "reflection" both dusted up and defeated, the party cunningly hide from their dodgy reflections by forming a blind conga line led by an invisible Will. They eventually navigate the maze to a small half-size door, behind which is a dangerous (and/or fun) looking chute. Rosco dives in unquestioningly, followed shortly by the others, and they find themselves in a ball pit with no apparent way out.

## Synopsis

Batthwack casts *Thunderous Smite* and strikes the cracked mirror monster, dispelling the *Invisibility* that Will had cast on him. He catches his sword in a crack, unleashing a thunderclap that actually blows it to smithereens. Rosco's right next to the remaining creature, and recalling the surge of power he had somehow been able to create when fighting in the Sooty Gang hideout, he channels it once again, but this time intentionally. Thus, he casts *Shillelagh* on his quarterstaff, and spurred on by the earlier vision of his younger self, he wields it two handed and launches a furious attack.

The monster retaliates, not only mending some of the cracks in its body by reaching out and touching one of the mirrors, but also by lashing out at the party, slashing Rosco with its diamond-edged claws in the process. Seeing this, Will has no intention of making himself visible. He finds some ink in his pack which he throws all around him in an attempt reveal more clearly where the mirrors are. At the same time, Raphina casts *Guardian of Faith*, this time creating a smokey, wispy genie with tendrils of smoke that curl and shape themselves into judgemental eyeballs staring at the monster. All of this just seems to perfectly set up the attack that Batthwack unleashes next, which combined with *Divine Smite*, cleaves the mirror monster's head clean off before exploding it into a cloud of diamond dust.

Rosco's confused about the Coyote situation. Isn't it supposed to be a nice, helpful god? Batthwack wonders if it's sick and needs help. Also he's freaked out by the distorted reflections of themselves in the mirrors. What if they're real? Rosco suggests they make their way through the maze with their eyes shut and Raphina forms a chain with the still invisible Will at the front.

Without the distractions of their corrupt reflections (and it also certainly helps that they're not being attacked by a huge mirror beast), Will finds that it's pretty much a normal mirror maze, and is eventually able to lead the blind party to a small, half-height, but otherwise normal door. *"What is this? The garbage chute?"* says Will. Rosco opens it up cautiously, checking for traps first of course, and they do in fact find a chute of sorts beyond. It quickly curves out of sight, but they can see it's decorated with crazy colours and lit by ultraviolet light. Will is so busy pleading with Raphina to fight the urge to just jump straight down, that he misses Rosco doing exactly that.

   They listen as Rosco's scream of delight fades away. Will *Messages* in the general direction where Rosco went. It seems he has indeed survived his experience and sends a return message to explain that he's landed in a circular pit filled with coloured balls. This is very triggering for Rosco of course, who has unsettling memories of his circus life and the orbs used by some of the performers there. Raphina worries that Rosco may be freaking out, and selflessly dives straight down the chute. Will tries to grab her, but before he can, Batthwack barrels into him and they all end up tumbling down en masse.

After a precisely indeterminate amount of time they land in the ball pit to find Rosco pinned to the side wall looking panicky. There are no apparent exits from the room and they can't feel any floor beneath them. At Will's request/instruction, Batthwack grabs Rosco by the coat and flies him into the air, while Will looks around nervously at the balls, looking for any sign of movement.

## Quotes

* Rosco (as he slides down the chute into the ball pit): *"Weeeeeeeeeeeee! Ah I'm kinda getting tired of saying wee. Maybe I'll try a different vowel. Waaaaaaaaaa! Wooooooooooo! Whyyyyyyyyyy, gods, why?!"* Eric: *"That's my favourite vowel. A E I O U, and sometimes why, God, why?"*

## Trivia

* The episode title is a quote from Alex. During the mirror monster fight, Adam describes how Rosco's vision of a younger, naked version of himself helped to spur him on. Adam: *"As far as he's concerned, in a weird way, these mirror monsters are, like, harshing his mellow. Like..."* Eric: *"Cockblockers."* Adam: *"...interrupting him from admiring his cock."* Eric: *"There's a leaf! A big leaf."* While Adam describes how the intensity of these feelings manifests themselves in Rosco's expression, Alex gets busy googling. He says, *"Is two metres enough? I guess the most giant leaf in the world is two metres long."* Eric: *"It might be."* Alex: *"The giant taro leaf."* KT: *"Only Adam knows and we'll never know. We have to find Rosco's OnlyFans."*
* Robin Williams interviewed with his mom (1984): https://youtube.com/watch?v=oziLWy5IVo8
* *The Graduate* (1967) party scene, including *"Just one word... Plastics."*: https://youtube.com/watch?v=1zyHqfLz39c
* This week's episode description describes the Pork Fried Dice wiki as: drip.

## Recap Song

*Main article: The Music of Pork Fried Dice*
This episode featured Adam doing a recap to the tune of *Another Brick in the Wall, Part 2* by Pink Floyd:

*[Verse 1]*

We don't need this situation

We don't need no carnival

No funhouse mirrors in the trapped room

Poisoned darts, leave Rosco alone

Hey! Coyote! Leave them captives alone!

*[Chorus]*

All in all, you're just another god with some gall

All in all, you're just another dick that will fall

*[Verse 2]*

Will don't need no stuffed coyote

So he does his best Chevy Chase

He takes its head off, back to Batthwack

Batthwack, leave that head alone

[No, seriously, you're pulling out all its stuffing... Dude... what...]

Hey! Batthwack! Leave that head alone!

[You're messed up, Batthwack. Why don't you try going through that door?]

*[Chorus]*

All in all, you're running into another brick wall

And after that, you'll run right through a blank mirror

*[Verse 3]*

We look through the other mirror

Where we see a spinning tunnel

With a door to a hall of mirrors

Mirrors, showing bizarro clones

[Creepy creepy clones! Creepy fucking clones! Duh duh duh duh!]

Hey! Mirrors! Please leave us alone!

*[Chorus]*

From the mirrors comes two monsters made of crys-tal

But which one is just another mirror in the hall?

*[Verse 4]*

Batthwack throws a javelin

An unseen servant helps Rosco with string

Will casts invis-ibility

Raphina sings at the top of her lungs

Hey! Monster! Leave my friends alone!

*[Chorus]*

And the mirror monster begins to fracture

'Cause all in all, he's just another dick that will fall

*[Outro]*

If you don't eat yer Pork Fried Dice, you can't have any mustard

How can you have any mustard if you don't eat yer Pork Fried Dice??

Alright, this has been a Pink Floyd Dice recap! D'yer geddit? It's a mashup, there. Pork Fried Dice. Pink Floyd. Pink Floyd. Another Brick in the Wall. Pink Floyd Dice. Alright. (etc.)

## Gallery

*Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice*

## References

1. ↑ See episode 307: I Didn't Eat Any Cheating Cake :(