Episode 031 - Non-Canonical Grandma

## Intro

**Episode description:**
Seriously....how tall is this mountain???

**Opening Quote:**
*"Why don't you guys have piss buckets? Jesus. Be a professional."*—Kyle

**Player introduction:**
Sean, *"Hello and welcome to another episode of the Tabletop Champions podcast, I'm Sean your dungeon master and with me tonight I have Scott, who plays Nedylene."*

Scott, *"Greetings and salutations."*

Sean, *"Kyle who plays Torrin."*

Kyle, *"I was raised to do one thing. But I've got nothing to fight for."*

Sean, *"Ben, who plays Stark."*

Ben, *"Hello!"*

Sean, *"Wade, who plays Devin."*

Wade, *"Hell-ooooh!"*

Sean, *"And Matt who plays Markus."*

Matt, *"We must do research!"*

Kyle, *"Oh Jesus."*

Sean, *"It's gonna be a thing. It's a thing that's happening, it's fuckin' branding I guess."*

Scott, *"I'm still dying from Wade!"*

## Episode Summary

The gang has to fight the last step of the way to reach the cabin of **Ilander Hobblefeet** at what is essentially the north pole of **Irulan**. He is a Halfling, ostensibly of 60 years, homely and whimsical, and has a blackened, decrepit arm as a result of touching **Torog** himself in the past. They are having tea, cheese and jerky, and **Torrin** is suspicious of Ilander's intentions.

Hobblefeet claims to be a former bard who dealt with the heroes of legend, the **Original Chosen Five**. The way he tells of them mirrors the situation of **The Chosen**. Much like them, the *Original Five* were faced with the ploys of Torag and his followers. Hobblefeet’s long life seems to be a result of encountering Torag, which coincidentally matches the boons **Silaqui** promised *The Chosen* if they supported the evil chaos god.

Whatever the truth, the halfling says he is tired of eternal life, and thus proposes a deal. In exchange for help closing the demon portals, he wants **Stark** to use the assembled **Oculous relic** to end his life. When they agree to his proposal, he tells them that Torog originally used five creatures to create demon portals to the *Exterior Planes*. Their tool to open portals was a magical lock. He reasons that Silaqui is doing just that in the present, and that four others must be capable of the same thing. If *The Chosen* manage to kill one such creature, their demon portals will collapse as well. When **Devin** inquires about how to find these creatures, Hobblefoot produces a magical telescope with large rubies at both ends and tells him that it will serve to locate the portal openers. It has the power to do this even through the planet's body itself. Hobblefoot offers no explanation of how or why he possesses this object, but warns *The Chosen* about having to ultimately destroy Torog. Stark uses his *Divine Sense* and learns that he is a good man, but that his black arm is fiendish. His condition mirrors that of **Elizabet**. Hobblefoot then leaves the cabin, Stark and Devin follow, and they use the Oculous to desintegrate him.

*The Chosen* decide to make camp inside the cabin, and search it for useful things. Among the records of Hobblefoot, Stark finds an account of an event called *The Final Crucible*. It was a time when Torog manifested in Irulan, specifically to deal with the *Original Five* on account of them growing too strong in power. Torog managed to turn four of them to stone in a cave, then retreated. Torrin, Stark and Devin have been to this cave before. Having learned this, the party hunker down for the night.

## Memorable Quotes

**Ilander**, *"Only the power of light can cleanse what is within me."*

**Torrin**, *"I learned a long time ago from my non-canonical grandma that you should always listen to women."*