Fiona Coyne: You Are the Weakest Link

"Fiona Coyne: You Are the Weakest Link" **[also known as "Prank Calling Fiona Coyne]** was a track a part of the 'Whackhead Simpson: Oh My Greatest Hits!' that was released in 2005 by 94.7 Highveld Stereo. In the track, it contained the main talent Darren Simpson, prank calling South African actress Fiona Coyne as a "rude awakening". Lasting nearly three minutes until Darren ends the call.

## Transcript of Conversation (UNDER CONSTRUCTION)

**Note: Due to the excessively poor audio quality, some of the words Fiona said in the conversation were difficult to hear, so you will see some "[inaudible]" in some spots.**

[RING TONE]

Fiona: "Hello?"

Darren: "Hello is that Fiona Coyne?"

Fiona: "Hello, sorry I can't hear you speak up?"

Darren: "Hello sorry, is that Fiona Coyne?"

Fiona: "Yes."

Darren: "Hi I'm Gerald."

Fiona: " Hi– Gerald yes?"

Darren: "Hi yes, you insulted my gran on your show."

Fiona: "Oh I really don't care."

Darren: "You don't care?"

Fiona: "No not at all."

Darren: "Why?"

Fiona: "**[inaudible]**"

Darren: "Well you are a hundred and twelve gays short of a pride march."

Fiona: "If you don't **[inaudible]** to speak up it's really bad reception I can't hear you."

Darren: "You are as bright as Joe Burg at 2 AM in the morning."

Fiona: "Ah wow really–"

Darren: "Yes–"

Fiona: "That's fantastic–"

Darren: "Did your parents ever asked you to run away from home?"

Fiona: "No they didn't you know."

Darren: "Yeah, I bet your mother has quite a loud bark."

Fiona: "Is this going to be a really long conversation Gerald? Have you got **[inaudible]** you feeling better?"

Darren: "I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high."

Fiona: "Yeah and you're feeling better now? I just– Are you having– Are you enjoying this- Are you– You can go? **[inaudible]**If that's your thing it sounds like it **[inaudible]** Gearld? "

Darren: "'Ey don't insult where I come from, learn from your parents' mistakes, use birth control!"

Fiona: "I– I do! Thank you very much I do– I would really believe **[inaudible]**sir I'm fully into birth control–"

Darren: "'Why do you waste your money on birth control? No one will ever want to shag you!"

Fiona: "Hmm?"

Darren: "'Uh you [are] one short of a utter. Ahhh, moo!"

Fiona: "**[inaudible]**"

Darren: "You should– You should request a refund from your university!"

Fiona: "Okay I'll tell you what Gerald, I'll do that, and I'm going to hang up now so I can CALL my university, and tell that the GENIUS Gearld called and requested that I should get a refund. **[inaudible]** that you got your little **[inaudible]** in order to get drunk together now with his boys like you do. Go beat up your girlfriend or whatever–."

Darren: "Oh– Oh shut your hole man!"

Fiona: "**[inaudible]**"

Darren: "Oh shut your hole man! You are as slow as a very, very, very, tired snail whose been smoking weed!"

Fiona: "[Laughter] **[inaudible]** it might just be someone– fooling around and it's not really someone abysmally boring as you appear to be if you're real. "

Darren: "I am real."

Fiona: "Oh, abysmally, abysmally, abysmally, boring darling."

Darren: "You're mentally qualified for a handicap parking!"

Fiona: " **[inaudible]** airplanes flown over your house where you live in– where you live in Boksburg I'm guessing, um possibly Brakpan and– you probably live by that so the **[inaudible]** airplane **[inaudible]** that flies in the sky that makes a big noise–"

Darren: "You talk to clouds on their own level!" (?)

Fiona: " **[inaudible]**start having your drinks now, okay? I hate to be passing in on your drinking time. I'm really– I'm very busy, I have a lot to do. **[inaudible]**

Darren: **"NO WAIT**– **NO! YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK GOODBYE!!!"**

[SLAMS RECEIVER]