LEGO Metaworld: Top Terrors

## Transcript

* Robert Jacob: Hey guys, this is Robert Jacob here, you're probably watching this on or around Halloween and that's pretty much the subject of this. As usual, I will go over the origin of the holiday this video has the theme of; Halloween is a holiday on the night of October 31st. Halloween is most present in the USA, USA, USA, and Canada; kids wear costumes and go to people's houses saying "Trick or treat!" to ask for candy, or "sweets," if you're British, and the homeowner hands them over. The quote implies: "Transfer a treat or I will enact a trick upon you." Kids, adults, and people in-between mostly dress as spirits, witches, or other spooky bros for Halloween. It is the most terrifying time of the year... unless your country is at war or something, Halloween is pretty PG-13 when you consider that there's no real threat of death. "Some" Christians refuse to celebrate Halloween because of its heathen roots, but the holiday also has Christian influence and its Irish pagan faith of origin no longer exists. Halloween is on the eve of All Saints' Day, which starts the three-day observance of Allhallowtide... which is Christian and includes October 31, All-Hallows, November 1, All Saints, and November 2, All Souls. As a protestant, I kind of know nothing about those but I know God is fine with us celebrating spooks and pumpkins and that's what matters. This Halloween, we're having my daughter's girlfriend over so we can watch *Stranger Things* or something, maybe *Saw* if they have that on streaming.
* *[Ding dong]*
* Robert Jacob: That must be her!
* *[Opens the door, kid in Pennywise costume is there.]*
* Kid: Trick or treat!
* Robert Jacob: Nope.
* Kid: Why?
* Robert Jacob: I was expecting a gay person, not someone who killed one. Gedouddahere!
* *[Slam]*
* Robert Jacob: Anyways...
* *[Flash white, fade to a new location.]*
* Robert Jacob: An Isekai, just what we needed.
* *[A screen displaying Satacon lights up.]*
* Satacon: Hello, Robert and Robyn Jacob, welcome to my humble mansion. I want to play a game with you.
* Robert Jacob: Like *Saw*?
* Satacon: No! This is nothing like *Saw*! It's completely different and an original idea, courtesy of me. You'll have to make it out of the death traps I've laid out around my home without dying.
* Robert Jacob: So it's *Saw*.
* Satacon: I told you it's not like *Saw*! We have more players and a certain chance that every trap is gonna kill at least one person, I ain't doing the whole "everyone can live" thing because than we get snitches when they escape. Two people will survive, at the most!
* Robert Jacob: Well, that's convenient for me and my girl, I guess.
* Satacon: We have like five hours before midnight, tops, so let's get this show on the road before it's November 1st and this means nothing.
* *[Some lights turn on.]*
* Satacon: These are your fellow contestants, I don't know their names and you probably won't live to, either.
* BF: Bernie 2024!
* GF: Hello Kitty says ACAB.
* Comedian: Cop joke.
* *[BF and GF laugh.]*
* Sheriff: Guys, I'm standing right here.
* Warner: Calamity awaits, Moira for all but a pair! Downfall of the darkest first, lightest last!
* Robert Jacob: Wow, we sure have some pleasant company, huh?
* Satacon: Our first challenge is in the room ahead, past the blood-splattered door.
* *[Cut to the next room. Doors are heard locking.]*
* Satacon: Our first challenge is an escape room! I've locked all entrances so you have to find a way out... or just cannibalize each other and don't escape.
* *[Screamer screams.]*
* Satacon: That's the zeal I want out of you! I bet my most valued parasite-infested human heart that the midget and the demented woman are eating y'all first.
* Comedian: For real?
* *[Warner screams and has a seizure.]*
* Satacon: Okay, not that much zeal. Well, this is what I get for putting last year's survivor through all of this again. Okay, I'll give you a hint; the key is in plain sight.
* Robert Jacob: Oh yeah, you mean the projector that's gonna do nothing to free us.
* Satacon: You know, you're the most pessimistic person in this room, and that's saying something given that you're accompanied by a serial killer and a depressed lesbian.
* Robert Jacob: Wait... how did you know Robyn was depressed? And...
* Satacon: Stalling!
* Robert Jacob: The hell?
* Satacon: You're stalling. Play the video and get this over with. Anyone who gets scared gets killed.
* *[Robert plays the video.]*
* Satacom: So, what did you idiots think about that?
* GF: Well, I’m in love with Harry Potter, but I hate J.K. Rowling and the writing of this screams of her transphobia with Harry and Ron using a spell to turn trans just to get in a bathroom.
* BF: I agree with my girlfriend.
* Satacon: How is this offensive? Okay, y’know what, did anybody get scared?
* Warner: Oh! Dillaydaderaymee! Oh, ohooo!
* Satacon: You’re scared? Eyes blank, cheeks red, mouth agape? Well, too bad, you’re gonna die!
* Robert Jacob: Hey, how dare you kill a disabled person first! She clearly has, like, schizophrenia or something, probably your fault, no less.
* Satacon: Fine, I suppose I could delay her to the second kill... but she still dies!
* *[Screamer screams.]*
* Satacon: Oh yeah, I forgot, time to unlock the doors!
* *[Doors are heard unlocking.]*
* BF: Yay, Bernie Sanders wins!
* Nerd: I can not discern how the doors opening relates to the concept of presidential candidate Bernie Sanders getting elected into office, nor how it relates to anything else in our current circumstance, especially since Sanders did not make it to the primaries of the 2020 or 2016 elections, no less win either of them.
* Jock: Bruh, English please!
* Robert Jacob: Bernie Sanders didn't win.
* BF: Aw...
* Jock: Damn dirty socialists! Why don't you go move to a socialist country like Cuba if you love socialism so much? You won't have any power there!
* Nerd: Didn't the CIA perform many actions that made the state of Cuba worse, thus making it a lamentable model for your anti-socialist argument?
* Jock: Shut up, we don't talk about that!
* Nerd: Furthermore, China and Laos would've made adequate supersessions in your argument, surmising that I am not incognizant of American intervention in the aforementioned countries.
* Satacon: Get out already! Go through the door with the bat wreath on it!
* *[They go inside.]*
* Satacon: There's a chair for each of you around the table with the torn cloth and the spinning wheel. Each of you will sit down and shut up.
* *[They sit down.]*
* Comedian: You ever...
* *[BF and GF laugh.]*
* Satacon: Silence! I kill you.
* Comedian: Like hold up?
* *[BF and GF laugh.]*
* Satacon: I mean it.
* *[Wheel spins and lands on someone, only to take a 180 and land on the Comedian.]*
* Satacon: Uh oh, you're dead!
* Comedian: Like hold up, for real?
* Satacon: I'm pondering the ways to kill you with mathematics, using my brain as an abacus and my know-how on chemicals and genes to decide on a murder method.
* Comedian: For real.
* Robert Jacob: Whoa, whoa, whoa, you can't just kill him!
* Satacon: Why not?
* GF: He's the black guy, you can't kill the black guy first!
* BF: I agree with my girlfriend.
* Satacon: Fine, do I kill the catatonic chick first, instead?
* Robert Jacob: She's also black!
* Satacon: Okay, I'll kill the funnyman in the least offensive way possible, hanging.
* Comedian: Hold up!
* Satacon: Okay, shooting.
* Comedian: For real?
* Satacon: Suffocation.
* Robert Jacob: Dude, seriously?
* Satacon: I'll have the Sheriff kill him.
* Robert Jacob: Just shut up already!
* Satacon: Fentanyl?
* Robert Jacob: No!
* Satacon: Okay, who died of Fentanyl, than?
* Robert Jacob: Nobody, and that's the problem!
* Satacon: Fine. Electrocution?
* GF: I mean, I can't name any black people who died of electrocution.
* Satacon: Okay, electrocution it is!
* *[Lights turn off, when they turn back on the Comedian is strapped to a torture device between two Tesla coils.]*
* Comedian: This totally a "white people" way to die.
* *[BF and GF laugh.]*
* Satacon: Looks like I'm gonna kill you before you end up starring in your fifth C-grade comedy film of this year. Any last words?
* Comedian: Cops. That Sheriff is the whitest black guy I know. Also, n\*\*\*\*.
* *[Comedian makes a weird face.]*
* Satacon: Well, at least he's black.
* *[The Tesla coils charge up and electrocute the Comedian as he screams, his head eventually catches on fire and an explosion occurs. When the smoke clears, all that's left is a charred skeleton.]*
* Robert Jacob: Wait, wait, this could be seen as a politically-incorrect kill! Do you remember *Green Mile*?
* Satacon: *Green Mile* wasn't a real person, plus it's 2021, nobody's gonna make the connection.
* GF: I miss him so much!
* *[GF cries.]*
* BF: It's okay, it's okay, let it all out. We'll play some *Minecraft* and have a nice pegging session when this is all over, alright?
* GF: Yeah... I love pegging you.
* BF: I love being the subby boy, too!
* Satacon: I hate my generation. Whelp, time to kill the next person!
* *[Warner screams and has a seizure.]*
* Satacon: Okay, okay, calm down, it won't be like the time where I made you eat that guy's testicles last season.
* Warner: Manamajeff!
* Satacon: That's the spirit.
* *[Cut to an industrial execution ring.]*
* Satacon: Any last words?
* Warner: Suffering, you are! Tortured by trauma, damaged by days gone! Destroyed because of disorder, as am I! Illusion, all but that!
* Satacon: Yeah, nobody knows what that means.
* *[Activates conveyor belt, Warner starts screaming and falls down, having another seizure.]*
* Satacon: Hey, hey, let's do some meditative exercise, alright?
* Warner: Bless would say that he's a bad boy, to slaughter for little reason, corpses piled high never get old, it's the gore-splattered season!
* *[Warner gets up and realizes she's about to fall in an incinerator, upon which she starts freaking out again. A crane lifts up Warner and dips her in a barrel of oil before dropping her in the incinerator; we to cut to her screaming as she burns, her hand getting charred as she is engulfed by fire.]*
* GF: No! Not the other black person!
* *[BF and her cry as the crane lowers into the incinerator and lifts up a few burned bones.]*
* Satacon: Well, that was one hell of a way to go out! Searingly painful for her, but it looks pretty lit to us!
* Robert Jacob: Die in a fire.
* Satacon: Good one! I can't come up with a flame-themed retort so I'll just remind you that I am fully capable of murdering your daughter and making it look like you did it.
* Sheriff: Sir, murder is a crime, you'd get arrested for that.
* Satacon: Yeah, but I'd make it look like he did it, so he'd get arrested instead.
* Sheriff: But you did it so you'd get arrested.
* Satacon: Next room!
* *[Cut to a room filled with guns and a projector.]*
* Robert Jacob: Satacon? More like Republicon.
* Satacon: Hey, I'm like, libertarian or something, don't let the political compass quiz tell you otherwise.
* GF: I'm a Bernie supporter.
* BF: I agree with my girlfriend.
* Nerd: Politically, I identify as neo-classical liberal center-spectral-syncretic anti-disestablishmentarian left.
* Jock: Just say you're a democrat, is it that hard? Man, they call you the genius of the group!
* Satacon: As much as I'd love to see all of you rip each other apart over politics and than toss your remaining pieces into a fire, we have to move on. Sit down, shut up!
* *[They all sit down.]*
* Satacon: The previous film you watched was the first one in the "least scary-to-scariest" compilation. That was the least scary. The second one will be scarier.
* Robert Jacob: Yeah, no shit, Sherlock.
* Satacon: I'm really veering on killing you right now, but that will have to wait until we get our results from this challenge. A ghost will turn on the projector now.
* *[A ghost flies in and activates the projector.]*
* Cacodemon: You know, I'm a Cacodemon, calling me that would've sounded scarier.
* Satacon: I'll dominate you and make you my Cacademon if you don't stop making me look terrible in front of my guests.
* Cacodemon: Sorry, but you're kind of a murderer, I'm pretty sure they think you're terrible, as-is.
* Satacon: Piss on outta here or I'll poo-poo in your little Akuma anus.
* Cacodemon: Y-yes, Mr. Satacon.
* *[The Cacodemon flies off and the video plays.]*
* Satacon: Paid attention?
* Screamer: Not really.
* Satacon: Well that sucks, because I'm testing y'all on this and whoever does the worst dies. Describe this video to me!
* *[Screamer screams.]*
* GF: This video is about Batman, a symbol of capitalism who beats up poor and mentally ill people, using a tool of war to try to kill said poor and mentally ill people.
* Robert Jacob: Poor and mentally ill people who murder others, including a police officer, plus Batman doesn't kill, that was probably a nonlethal charge or something.
* GF: Yeah, well portraying mentally ill people as aggressive is terrible and triggering to mentally ill people, the Joker should be portrayed as nice and harmless.
* BF: I agree with my girlfriend.
* Satacon: Why do I always end up with social justice warriors in my group... okay, that's an adequate summary, I guess, not sure if that's the message but whatever.
* Nerd: Billionaire vigilante Bruce Wayne, or Batman, flies into a scene of malefactor activity with his assistant Robin, whereupon the reprobates Joker and Scarecrow...
* Satacon: You're done, we don't have all night.
* Jock: So, the Joker blows up a police chick in a helicopter so Batman and Robin blow him and the skull guy up after they go to a dark forest, they're on drugs, I guess.
* Satacon: "Skull guy..." okay, his design is a bit inaccurate so I'll give you the pass.
* *[Screamer screams.]*
* Satacon: Could use more detail.
* Bitten: Wait, so, did the girl want her boyfriend to die? She just laughs and smacks her butt after he falls off of the building.
* Satacon: I forgot you existed, honestly, maybe speak up more.
* Sheriff: I'm not sure what the end was about, why were they peeing on the dead guy and why was there a rap song? I dunno, at least they portray me as a good guy.
* Satacon: And the worst performance is... the Sheriff!
* Sheriff: What? That one woman didn't even give a summary, why am I the worst?
* Satacon: Because I used my knowledge on DNA and microscopes to prove that yours was the worst, I'd explain the logic but only one of you would understand.
* Nerd: Pardon my potentially inordinately high opinion of my perspicacity, but I believe that Satacon refers to me in the verbalization that he has just expressed.
* Satacon: The point is, you die because you suck at coming up with synopses. Also, you're a cop, so everyone's gonna say you were martyred heroically or something.
* GF: I won't.
* BF: I agree with my girlfriend.
* *[The sole gun standing in front of the Sheriff fires and shoots him in the head.]*
* GF: Yay! ACAB BLM!
* Robert Jacob: A guy literally just got shot and killed in front of you.
* GF: Yeah, but he was a white supremacist ultra-nationalist-
* Robert Jacob: He wasn't even white, no less a white supremacist. Not to imply that evil cops don't exist, but do you really think there are no decent ones?
* Satacon: Guys, if you get political one more time, someone is going to cancel us... and I'm not even sure if it's it gonna be the alt-right or Antifa, at this point.
* Robert Jacob: Yeah, all I'm saying is that maybe we shouldn't cheer on people's deaths.
* Satacon: Hard disagree but I'm also a serial killer so don't take my word for it. Next room!
* *[They're in a room surrounded by glass enclosures filled with Demodogs.]*
* Satacon: This is a room full of the hounds of hell, but don't worry, they won't want to break out and kill you. Unless you're Muslim, these guys are super conservative.
* Robert Jacob: Didn't you just say we couldn't talk about politics?
* Satacon: I said you guys couldn't get political, not me. All I want to do is warn you that they'll immediately try to kill you if you're Islamic... or were bitten by something.
* Bitten: Uh...
* Robert Jacob: "Uh" what?
* Bitten: I kind of... gotten bitten by an animal.
* *[Flashback to Bitten getting bitten by a cat, before throwing them against the wall.]*
* Robert Jacob: Wait, so you crushed that cat's head?
* Bitten: He bit me first, it was in self-defense.
* Satacon: I will literally skin you alive and shove your flesh up your ass if you killed the wrong one. What did they look?
* Bitten: Orange, spiked collar, Mohawk, scar...
* Satacon: Yeah, that must've just been a stray someone let in. You killed a cat so I'm still gonna skin you alive, just not shove it up your butt.
* Robert Jacob: Rest in Peace to that cat, my daughter loves them so you just crushed her heart, but I think we're getting off-topic here. You got bitten by something?
* Bitten: Yeah...
* Robert Jacob: Aw shit.
* *[The Demodogs smash through the glass and chase after the group, who go up an elevator as they're about to get eaten.]*
* GF: This is all your fault, you dumb whore!
* BF: I agree with my girlfriend.
* Jock: Yeah, why didn't you tell us you got bitten?
* Bitten: I didn't know it mattered, it was just a cat!
* Robert Jacob: One that you murdered, you heartless bitch.
* Bitten: Look, it's not murder if it isn't a person, I apologize for killing it.
* Jock: Oh, look, she even refers to them like an object!
* *[They reach a higher platform that the Demodogs climb up to.]*
* GF: Great, they're gonna eat us and it's all her fault. I hope you're happy with what you've doomed us to!
* Nerd: I am cognizant of our state of peril, but I would dote the chance to verbalize. An explosive contrivance is present within the vicinity, perhaps Satacon wants us to sacrifice one of our own to hold off the truculent, bellicose canines?
* Jock: I don't think I got all that, but I think he says we should use that TNT to blow someone up.
* Bitten: Yeah, but who?
* *[Bitten gets kicked off of the platform and lands on the floor with the dynamite strapped to her chest. Bitten explodes into gore, which the Demodogs feed on.]*
* Robert Jacob: Yeah, that'll buy us some time.
* Satacon: Congratulations, you've killed one of your own... probably the most deserving, even beating out the Tik-Tok couple.
* GF: Hey, shut up, so what if we're depressed weebs?
* BF: I'm a catboy.
* Satacon: Didn't ask, next room, doormat with the cobweb on it.
* *[They're in the next room.]*
* Satacon: For this challenge, if you talk or make any noise louder than breathing, you die.
* *[They're done and Screamer screams.]*
* Satacon: What a surprise.
* *[A saw-blade slices Screamer's head off as she shrieks in terror, before cutting her in half.]*
* Jock: Finally!
* Satacon: Don't get too excited, the hell-hounds are also bloodhounds, they'll smell that.
* Nerd: I must verbally express it would be very astute to ambulate out of this room by now, lest we put ourselves in jeopardy of getting eaten by the canines.
* Jock: I couldn't have said it better myself... maybe clearer, though.
* *[They enter a hallway, only for the Demodogs to run at them from a mile away.]*
* Robert Jacob: Shit! They're blocking the only way through! We might as well go back in the other room.
* *[Door locks.]*
* Robert Jacob: Son of a bitch.
* Nerd: I would relish the opportunity to apprise you that there is a cage filled with puerile victims, which could be cut down and used to entice the animals away from us.
* GF: You're not actually gonna murder the kids, right?
* BF: Yeah, save that kind of stuff for *Danganronpa*.
* Robert Jacob: Let's just run through the hell-hounds and try not to get killed.
* Jock: I'm the only one with balls here, huh?
* *[Jock takes a spear from a suit of armor and throws it at the cage, cutting the chain and smashing to the floor. The kids shriek as they get mauled and eaten alive.]*
* Robert Jacob: Are you kidding me.
* Jock: Come on, it's no different than buying from Nike.
* Satacon: I've been silent for a bit so I just want to add that I fully intended to feed those children to the demon dogs... I have the guts to, I just had other things to do!
* *[Everyone enters a new room.]*
* Nerd: Perhaps I cerebrate too highly of my astuteness and perspicacity, but I believe that I will be able to prosperously navigate the remaining team to safety.
* *[A trapdoor opens below Nerd and he falls in a pit of spikes, getting impaled in many places.]*
* GF: No! He was the smart one! He was so quirky, though, he wasn't like the other boys!
* BF: I'm kinda quirky, though... and I'm not like the other boys. Nyan!
* GF: Yes, you are! Once we're done with all of this, we'll have a nice pegging session and you'll get to wear your maid dress!
* BF: UwU!
* Satacon: Alright, asses in seats and lips zipped!
* GF: Hey, you can't talk about my ass, I'm only 17, pedophile!
* Satacon: I was referring to the collective five asses in this room that aren't getting pierced by large metal spikes, I said nothing about yours specifically.
* BF: I'm 18, you can talk about my ass all you like.
* Satacon: I won't. Make some bloody popcorn or whatever, new challenge, watch this movie and name off everyone in it.
* *[Watched.]*
* Satacon: Who appears in this video; list as many peeps as you can.
* Robert Jacob: Indiana Jones, Willie Scott, Short Round, Mola Ram, the Thuggee.
* Satacon: Of course the boomer in the group is gonna ace all of this.
* Jock: The sacrifice for Kali, the Maharajah's adviser, Kali in the form of a cake.
* Satacon: Anyone else?
* GF: Uh... I don't think there was anyone else, not that I could name them.
* BF: I agree with my girlfriend.
* Satacon: Well, honesty is the best policy... but you're gonna die either way.
* *[Satacon lets the Demodogs in and they maul BF and GF, ripping and tearing chunks off of them as gore shoots out.]*