Let's Play SALEM 1692

**Let's Play SALEM 1692** is a video in the Board Game Club series.

"*Not a witch, everybody! Don't we feel silly?*"
―Adam
## Notable moments

* The first rule of Board Game Club is "up until an hour before the devil fell, God thought him beautiful in heaven".
* Who will be *burnt at the stake* and who will be *saying 'witch,* please*!'*?
* We're wHitching slightly, for a while.
* Social deduction loveliness again. And this is the same company who made Hollywood 1947, which gave us a classic BGC, *Let's Play HOLLYWOOD 1947*. This is a noisy, funny, delightful episode.
* Ivan is 50% witch - on his mother's side only.
* *Justice With Musgrave* - witch till proven witch. That seems fair. Nice mock up James!
* It does seem cruel to have a game with a gavel and not let Holly mind it.
* Holly is actually a practicing witch, she puts goodness into the universe.
* Our characters will be familiar to anyone with fond memories (or unresolved trauma) of *The Crucible*, even if you don't know American Colonial history. Adam is 11 year old Abigail Williams, Ivan is 71 year old Giles Corey, Laurie his 72 year old wife Martha, Sullivan is William Phips the 42 year old Governor, Jon is 39 year old beggar Sarah Goode and Holly is John Proctor, the anachronistic farmer.
* Hey - Adam has read the rule book!
* Holly's character may not be thematically, geographically or historically accurate, but we're still going with it. We bicker about accents while Adam adopts that 'can you all just shut up a minute so I can explain something important?' stare of his.
* We can play along if we choose.
* Holly's got a cat, which is bad. But it's a cat, so it's good. Meow meow witches - witch, please.
* Giles wants a cat, Martha's less keen. They can have a black goat called Philip, which is cute and not creepy.
* Ivan to Adam: "I don't like the cut of your jib, to be honest. I'm going to put you in the stocks."
* Adam: "You know what, I respect it. You walk into the prison yard and hit the biggest player in the fucking head. And you know what? Welcome to No Rolls Barred, Ivan. I'm going to kill you."
* Laurie on Ivan: "That's why I married him - petty revenge! That's what I like."
* The old man is putting the little girl in the stocks, his wife is really into it and the goat is having a whale of a time. The Governor immediately assumes she's guilty.
* Holly: "I'm so confident that... actually no, I'm not going to do that." Teensy suspicious. She's Constable Witch and we're now in *Hot Fuzz*.
* Adam: "You want to be a witch? You've come to the wrong shop I'm afraid."
* Hey! Don't Laurie about it! Who would have predicted that would be back?
* JOKE OF THE MOTORWAY! The M1 card does take you all the way north.
* Adam's out of the stocks, looking for revenge, but Ivan's going to put him back. Adam: "The imprisonings will continue until the evidence stops".
* Our accents are wandering again.
* Holly targets Laurie, who immediately swears revenge. She also carries out a 'dodgy move, masked as a bit' according to Adam. Holly claims it's a normal part of their friendship.
* Ivan: "It's so inconvenient to laugh when you're Bristolian." Holly's never been there. Sullivan, as we know, was at the Bristol Old Vic Theatre School, but Ivan went to the actual University. Sullivan's not going to dwell on that insult or make Ivan pay and entirely co-incidentally has a bunch of stats to share with us. (On a side note, 14 people in Sullivan's year out of 5000 applicants? I have two thoughts - (1) That's a hell of an achievement, well done you! and (2) Sullivan, Rosie, Dom, Tilly, Maanuv - where are the other 9, NRB?)
* Husband turns on wife and Laurie can't even escape with divorce.
* Laurie on Ivan: "I curse him to the day I die! I'm not a witch, I just hate him."
* Sullivan: "Petty petty petty petty petty petty, now you're dead! Petty petty petty petty petty petty, rest your head!"
* We've found a theme: 'Cum as a witch!' 'Happy Halloween to me!' 'I've just cum - as a witch!' 'I've just cum (if you know what I mean).' 'Penis witch.' 'I've just cum in my own pants - as a witch.' 'I've ejaculated immediately.' It goes on...
* The marriage is crumbling, but there's no therapy available, only spite.
* Adam to Jon: "You tend to play the game well and calmer when you're evil ... because you know what's going on." But it's early game still, so there's not much tension yet.
* Teri spot! Tiny Teri spot! Hi Teri!
* We see you Adam. Don't think Holly did, but it was funny.
* Laurie: "I'll just start flinging shit, innit?"
* Ivan: "Martha, I've had a good day. I feel like Abigail and I have patched things up." Laurie: "I am *not* talking to you". Ivan: "I'll go to my goat." The goat is the world's first therapist.
* Sullivan's acting on revenge. He's a famous edgelord. And a witch!
* The cum thing has become Sullivan's and we need to add it to the horse sex video, apparently. Board games, eh?
* Tweet me @ElFakidor!
* Adam: "I am a *petty* bitch."
* Adam did some hugely ballsy plays towards the end of this - the blasé attitude to the card turns was very cool and collected and did a lot to save them in the end.
* Sullivan: "I haven't said anything in fucking minutes! Finish the game! I know what's happening!"
* Giddy Adam is giddy: "I would like to do a witch's cackle now... but my voice is far too low and manly for that." Holly kindly steps in.
* Laurie: "Fuck Adam Blampied!"
* Holly: "Fuck Adam Blampied!"
* Jon realising  he can win either way is delicious.
* Ivan: "Told you so!"
* Adam to Jon: "Welcome to the winning team, my boy! Everyone's going to hate you!"
* Laurie: "LAURIE ALWAYS WINS? LAURIE? ALWAYS? THE FUCK ARE YOU ON ABOUT?"
* Cum is a bitch. Cum on board!
* And we end in breathless hysterics. Beautiful.

## Talking Heads

Talking heads are available this episode. Timestamps were put together by Peter on the Patreon Discord.

* 0:06:19 - Holly the genuine practicing witch
* 0:10:48 - Holly wants a cat
* 0:12:06 - Laurie's marriage
* 0:14:26 - Ivan's strategy
* 0:15:24 - Adam runs a prison yard
* 0:24:49 - Sullivan is VERY proud of the Bristol Old Vic
* 0:26:35 - Laurie's marriage deteriorating
* 0:28:15 - Sullivan takes revenge in song
* 0:46:45 - Jon's unimpressed
* 1:13:25 - Adam (featuring Holly Musgrave)
* 1:14:44 - Ivan plotting the victory
* 1:15:27 - Adam welcoming a new team member
* 1:15:41 - Jon triumphant

## Trivia

* Game introduction and rules are presented by Adam.
* This episode is the first appearance of special guest Ivan Brett!
* An extended version of this episode is available on the No Rolls Barred Patreon.

1. ↑ Yes, I think we know they weren't all in the same year, it's a joke,