Kareem E. Britches

Kareem E. Britches behind a Little Caesar's in 2017.

Bradley Pigerton (twin sister; deceased)

Guinea Pigerton Jr. (younger brother; missing)

Becky Wartenhauser (wife; deceased)

Poopsie Goouche (cousin; deceased)

Pipsie Goouche (cousin)

BullD0g (uncle)

**Il-Jeffari al-Habjani** (Born Guinea Pigerton on April 3, 1995), known as **Kareem E. Britches** (formerly Yazzy Yeff), is an American musician, actor, author, and philanthropist. He is considered by his parents to be one of the most prolific songwriters of all time. His songs often feature complex musical arrangements and profound lyrical content.

Britches exploded onto the SoundCloud scene in 2016 with his first hit "BootyTown USA!". Soon after Britches teamed up with legendary record producer Poopsie Goouche. Britches then formed the art-rock supergroup Chinese Sweatshop. Tragically, Chinese Sweatshop was plagued with numerous hardships for the duration of its short existence. An acrimonious split with Goouche led to Chinese Sweatshop's entire discography being pulled off SoundCloud; and shortly after the master tracks for the songs were lost when the laptop they were housed on was accidentally dropped into a full bathtub. Egos and Illness would lead to a split amongst members of the band. After recruiting an entirely new lineup, Britches officially disbanded Chinese Sweatshop and to this day almost their entire discography remains unreleased. Any hopes for a reunion were dispelled when each and every member of the group, save for Britches, coincidentally died on the same day in Spring of 2017. After a brief hiatus, Britches returned to his solo work.

As a solo artist, Britches is the most successful artist ever to come from the Guinea Pig Records label. Britches has won 11 Stinkee Awards and has scored 21 #1 hits on the Billbroad Not 100 Charts. Among his most known songs include "Cremed The Britches", "Butter My Croissant Baby", "Poop In Ya Butt", and "Happy Allah-Days". Britches has also collaborated with numerous artists including The Beatles, Coldplay, Wheezer, NannerPuss, Hiroshima Jones, and Rick Astley. Britches also has an upcoming collaboration with Alvin and the Chipmunks planned; however, it has been placed on indefinite hiatus following the untimely death of Alvin in August of 2020. In 2021 Britches began collaborating with famed producer Salim al-Shadi leading to the release of his comeback single "Back In Brown".

## Early Life

### Childhood and Adolescence

Guinea Pigerton was born April 3, 1995 at Pigpen General Hospital in Pig, Kentucky. The eldest of three children of Patricza (née Wheeler), a hairdresser and Barrington Hot Fudge Pigerton, a clown-insurance salesman. He was born alongside his twin sister Bradley. The first six years of Britches' life were spent moving around repeatedly. Britches' family moved from Pig, Kentucky; to Jeff, Indiana; to the Ferris Wheel at Navy Pier in Chicago, Illinois; to the country of Guinea in Africa; before finally settling down in North Chicago, Illinois in 2001.

Britches' family lived near the local sewage processing plant, which left a lasting impression on him as it introduced him to the world of feces.

The exact details for much of Britches' early life remain unknown. However, Britches has made numerous claims of dubious validity. According to Britches, he was just four years old when he invented a cure for AIDS. From the age of four to fourteen, Britches claims that he attended Harvard University, receiving degrees in Astrophysics, Rectal-Science, Law, Medicine, and Music. Britches then insists that he became a full-fledged member of Green Day for at least four years, before leaving the band to "focus on his writing". Among the novels that Britches claims he wrote are the entirety of the *Twilight* series and *The Hunger Games* series. Britches then claims he retired in order to pursue his passion of "eating Little Caesar's pizza".

Of the above claims, the only one that is verifiable is his frequent consumption of Little Caesar's pizza. According to Barrington and Patricza Pigerton, Britches spent most of his childhood sleeping and collecting dog turds from around the neighborhood. Britches was allegedly incarcerated at Terginz State Penitentiary for five years early in his life. He then attended Lake Forest High School between 2009 and 2013. According to classmates, Britches was known to frequently smoke marijuana in the girls' restroom, and spent most of his time "studying for Lunch". According to the High School's records, Britches' academic accomplishments included serving as Vice Hall Monitor for two years before he was forced to step down due to an undisclosed scandal.

### Pre-Music Adult Life

Since reaching the age of eighteen, Britches has attended various colleges where he received numerous degrees. Britches first graduated from St. Coitus University of Canada in 2015 with an Associate Degree in Theoretical Defecation. In 2016, Britches received an Honorary Doctorate in Applied Sanitations from Saint College University of Mexico. Finally, in 2021 Britches received a Bachelor's Degree in Squirrel Sciences from Squirrely Boo Jefferson Community College.

Britches has also held a number of jobs prior to embarking on his musical endeavors. From 2014 to 2016, Britches worked as a Chief Q-Tip Engineer at Terginz Inc. Britches then left Terginz in 2016 to form his own company. But after failing to show up for the company's first business meeting, Britches abandoned the organization.

## Musical Career

### Beginnings and Early Solo Career

Britches was inspired to take up music in June of 2016. According to Britches, he was sitting around eating from a can of Bush's Baked Beans when he flatulated. Britches was intrigued with how the flatulence changed pitch various times throughout its eleven-second duration. Britches stated that up until that point he had never actually listened to music before, but felt forever changed by this event. Later that day, Britches' parents bought him a Yamaha keyboard (which he never actually played). That same day, his parents established Guinea Pig Records, based out of their guest bathroom in their North Chicago home.

Britches began recording that month, but quickly found it difficult with no backing band. Britches then decided to start recruiting musicians from the local middle school.

Eventually, Britches found a group known as The Rockets, made up of preteen musicians from nearby Lee Harvey Oswald Memorial Middle School. The Rockets became Britches' backing band after the record label agreed to compensate them handsomely. However, professional differences led to various members of the Rockets leaving the group throughout the recording sessions. Nevertheless, Britches managed to record his debut single "Booty Blaster" featuring the full band. However, the song was eventually pulled after the record label found it to be "hot piss". With only the few remaining members of the Rockets, Britches managed to record his *de facto* debut single "BootyTown USA".

Eventually Britches managed to recruit the entire band to join him on a tour of Peru that would last through January of 2017. On September 10, 2016, the Rockets were involved in a fatal plane crash in Zion, Illinois that claimed the lives of every member of the group. Britches, who had missed the flight, eventually set up a tribute concert for the Rockets, but forgot to show up to it. Britches' experience with the Rockets would shape his philosophy going forward, and inspired him to reach towards new directions with his music.

### Poopsie Goouche

In mid-September of 2016, executives at Guinea Pig Records hired famed producer Poopsie Goouche to work with Britches.

## Discography

*Songs denoted with a \* are not publicly available at the time*.

### Solo

* BootyTown USA! (2016)
* (I Want To Squeeze Her) Hot Cross Buns (2016)\*
* Booty Blaster (2016)\*
* Smooth Yazz (2016)
* Summer Serenade (2016)
* Cremed The Britches (2016)
* Becky (2016)
* Butter My Croissant Baby (2016)
* Autumn Breeze (2016)\*
* The Wiggly Piggly (2017)
* Davenport (2017)
* Let's Get It On (Sexually) (2017)
* Chinese (2017)\*
* Crazy Train (2017)\*
* Piggly Wiggly Doo Wop Daddy (2017)
* Rap Hog (2017)
* Poop In Ya Butt (2018)
* Diss Track Or Dat Track (2018)
* I Hope Jihad A Nice Christmas (2018)
* All My Friends Are Bread (2019)
* Rated X (2019)
* Pinky Promise (2019)
* Wipe My Butt (2021)
* Back In Brown (2021)

### With Chinese Sweatshop

* Sweatshop Boogie (2016)\*
* Soggy Undies (2016)
* Parisian Nights (2016)\*
* Animal Noises (2016)\*
* Halloween Queen (Friday The 69th) (2016)
* A Little Piggy Christmas (2016)\*
* Clowning Around (2017)\*
* New Beginnings (2017)\*
* The End (2017)\*

### As A Featured Musician

* Vanilla Rice: Beautiful Girl (2017)\*
* Caso Cesta (Persona Loca) (2017)\*
* Nickly Miraj: Stershugs (2017)\*