Horse Farm

Welcome to my RANCID-RANCH all you REVOLTING-RANGLERS! Ready to HOG-DIE a VAMPIRE-VARMIT? Or would y’all rather listen to tonight’s tale, about a farmer who HORSES AROUND with his favorite steed? I call it...

Back in the summer of 1931, there was a young farmer who stood outside of a barn with a horse on a farm out, in southern-Kansas one morning. The farmer pet the steed on its head, saying to it, “well, Ed, it looks like a beautiful Summer day today. Time for your breakfast boy!”. Ed whinnied in delight at him. The young farmer laughed and Ed followed him to a trough, where he poured a pail of oats into it. The horse ate the food. The farmer poured a bucket of water into a second trough and Ed took a drink of it. The farmer whistled: “Jimmy Crack Corn” and went into a farmhouse with the pails.

That afternoon, a thunderstorm started on the farm and a crook ran up, to the porch of the farmhouse from a car on the side of the road. He held a pistol and looked into one of the windows. The crook saw the young farmer reading “The Adventures Of Huckleberry Finn By Mark Twain” as he sat in a front room chair by a grandfather-clock. The crook stepped back, and aimed his gun at the window. Then, Ed neighed and whinnied loudly, seeing him. The horse had its head sticking out of a window of the barn. The farmer heard Ed’s muffled cries among the thunder and rain, put his novel down and got up, grabbing a shotgun from on the wall, above the fireplace. “Dang that horse!” the crook said and aimed his pistol at Ed. The farmer heard the gunshot and Ed’s whinnies became quiet. The crook rain through the pouring rain to his car and drove away. The farmer rushed out, onto the front porch, then ran into his barn. The horses within the barn looked spooked and the farmer looked to over and gasped. “ED! YOU’RE DEAD!” he yelled.

The following Summer, the crook was drinking a bottle of Ripple as he sat out, on a porch of a shack out, in the countryside of southern-Kansas one evening. A young lady who was a gypsy was riding in a horse-drawn covered wagon up the road and stopped the horse. She got out and approached the crook then. “Good evening, sir. I come with a warning for you. I am a gypsy passing through, but am also a psychic too. Last Summer you meant to murder a farmer and rob his home. But you murdered his horse named Ed instead on account of the animal alerting him! Beware mister, you shall try to kill that farmer one more time to rob his home, but the zombie of his horse on his horse farm will kill you” the gypsy explained to the crook, saying. “Lady, who the heck are ya? Get outta here before I shoot ya” he said, replying and threatening. She quietly got back into her covered wagon and the horse walked up the road, pulling it then. The crook took a swig of Ripple. That night, he parked his car on the side of the road beside the horse farm. The crook quietly snuck onto the porch of the farmhouse, pulling his gun out of his pocket. The farmer suddenly stepped out, onto his porch and the crook aimed his pistol at the side of his head. “Evenin’ mack, hold it right there! I’m gonna shoot ya and then take your dough plus any valuables” the crook said to the farmer. The farmer gasped in surprise and shock. “No please mister. Let me live!” he begged the robber. A whinny and neigh was heard then and the crook turned his head.

Galloping out from being the horse barn was the zombie of the horse, just a rotting skeleton making its decaying-bones crack as it ran, with its skull shaking eerily on its boney-neck. The crook yelled: “NO, I KILLED THAT BLASTED HORSE!” and shot at the living dead steed galloping closer. The bullet went through the skeleton’s rotten-eye-socket and had no effect. The crook ran from the front porch, but the zombie of the horse attacked him, going berserk, biting his ears. As the man screamed, the zombified-horse caused him to fall down. Then the skeleton raised its hooves in the air and lowered them. The farmer watched in horror, wide-eyed, as the sounds of the living-dead mare neighed and whinnied, insanely. Then sounds of eating were heard and the young farmer looked away in disgust. The screams of the crook stopped and the farmer ran into his farmhouse then. Ten minutes later, he came back out and looked from his porch into the yard, gasping. The skeleton of the crook was lying in the yard and the zombie of the horse eerily trotted back behind the horse barn. “Thank you, Ed!” the farmer said and smiled.

Well, Kiddies, that was quite a lot of HORSING AROUND eh? Heh-Heh-Heh! IN-STEED Ed saw the GRAVE SITUATION that his owner the young farmer was in just in SLIME I mean TIME aha-ha-ha-ha.

   The zombie of Ed.