Single Source of Truth

2015/Nov/27

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15. [U037240MF] "hi", Jalin Snow said to Zachary Stark. Zachary was a tall fellow, with wild hair, completely nude except socks. "Hi", he replied with a crack in his voice. "we must find tywin" Jalin said with the resolve of a hundred Eagles
16. [U037240MF] "not if I find you first" tywin lanister said from a horse atop a nearby mountain. all three laughed and smiled knowing at one another. "now then, where is Deag?" Jalin shouted mixed with giggles
17. [U037240MF] ((((((( at this point in the story I will ask @deagle to write the next part )))))))
18. [U037240MF] <@U03TD7YJJ>
19. [U03QD0YGS] It was strange that they had all experienced the simultaneous giggle, since they were miles apart. Tywin joined the two travelers around a pitiful camp fire as the sun was setting.He had considered taking the northern ridge to give him some time to think about everything that had happened, but he decided a camp fire with nerds is as good a camp fire as any. The giggle had lightened his heart and imbued a sense of trust with the two noble travelers.
Tywin hailed Stark and Snow as he approached the camp fire with hands raised in a friendly manner. The area seemed to glow brighter, as if Tywin's very presence had lent warmth to the fire.
"What happened to you, Tywin?", Zachary asked while prodding the virgin coals with his long staff.
"I was held up by the hairy man-people in Robert's Hollow some miles back. I saw you on the ridge and I used the special whistle, but you two didn't even glance back!" Tywin suspected they had heard the whistle and decided to not help him.
"You won't pin your misfortune on us, Lannister!", growled Jalin. "You should know better than to think we will shoulder that burden."
Tywin glanced at his feet, wringing his hands like a child caught stealing from his mother's purse. "I didn't mean to cast blame, put your blade away! I want no trouble with you. My only priority is to track down Deagle. He has some unfinished business with two of the courtesans back in Breakneck Yonder."
At this Snow turned a suspicious eye at Tywin. The two had never been on good terms, but a common goal could work to his advantage. He had to find out more about Tywin's task of tracking down Deagle. He began to ponder how he could do this without raising suspicion.
While Snow was considering his next move, Stark turned as red as a baboon's ass. He was caught up in Deagle's shenanigans with the Breakneck courtesans, and he had to struggle to contain his nervousness around this lord-turned-bounty-hunter, Tywin.
If only he could learn what Tywin knows about what really happened in the Yonder...
20. [U037240MF] Tywin eyed Zachary Stark suspiciously, then reached inside his jacket pocket swiftly, pulling out an elaborate whistle with feathers and bells. "My friend," Tywin whispered to Zachary, "looket here at this gizmo. This is my Pepaw's Whistle Flute." Tywin begins playing a song with the whistle flute.Zachary looks back and forth between Tywin and Jalin. After 30 minutes, Zachary shouted "But, Tywin, that is a trumpet."

Upon hearing this, Tywin instantly stopped playing his whistle flute. "Did you hear that?" Tywin asked, suddenly very stern. Jalin Snow jumped up from taking a shit, "It sounds like a millenium falcon!"

"It is," Tywin hooted, "it must be Dumledoor. Guys, we must quickly gather all the food and water we can carry from the cactus fort. We'll bring the camels, let's go!"
As the three scrambled to dig up the hidden camels, Zachary pulled out an AK47. "Not so fast, faggots. That Falcon is Deagle Denton. He's landing nearby to pick us up. You two are coming with us to the Capitol; Katniss would like to see you."
21. [U09H0ASDR] As the Millenium Falcon made a graceful 360 loop landing, the 3 unassuming heros felt as if they were being watched. After landing, the Falcon spontaneously burst into flames, and Deagle Solo and Tronbacca had to eject and parachute down to the group.
22. [U09H0ASDR] Suddenly a bright light appeared in the nearby wood. Also, it sounded like Donna Summers was singing. The newly assembled super group collectively clenched their butts, and watched as a beefy sillouhette emerged from the dark. It was Lendog of Qarth. He had just beheaded a small mammal and threw it at their feet. “How you like them apples boys?” Jalin Snow drew his long sword. “Prepare to die, you god damned samsquantch.”
23. [U037240MF] Lendog stepped forward with a grin. The metalic hum of his lightsaber intensified as he grew near. "My Goddard," Deagle Solo whispered, "that is Unicorn steel". "Impossible," moaned Jalin. "Mwwwrrwrrw", Tronbacca farted. Lendog's saber was rainbow colored, stained with blood, dripping sparkles. He moved slowly, saber down at his side. "At arms, men!" Jalin yelled. The men raised their weapons as Lendog slowly grew near. Suddenly, the sky ripped apart with a blast of lightning, fire, and neon plasma. A bright, black light blinded the mortals. A low, grandfatherly voice called out from the gaping neon hole, "My children," the earth shook with reverb, "I am Goddard." The mortals were bewildered yet soothed, aroused yet sleepy. Goddard continued, "Hear my words, dear toddlers, for I have something very important to say to each of you."
24. [U037240MF] <@U037240MF|ty> set the channel topic: http://netxfanfiction.wikia.com
25. [U037240MF] <@U037240MF|ty> set the channel purpose: To discover the inner truths of our fictional realities. http://netxfanfiction.wikia.com
26. [U09H0ASDR] 107.85.104.21845 MINUTES LATER107.85.104.218
27. [U09H0ASDR] “and that, is why, you must… destroy… the dildo,” declared Goddard.
28. [U09H0ASDR] “Go to the domain of the dildo dads and defeat them.”
29. [U09H0ASDR] // <http://dildodads.com%7Cdildodads.com> //
30. [U0373PJ92] Before I add anything to our fan lore, please see this video of Tywin playing his Pepaw's Whistley Flute <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DHecFcDhbw>
31. [U09H0ASDR] Tywin’s Pepaw’s White Flute has been known to make grown men cry and voluptuous women fall to their knees.
32. [U09H0ASDR] Along with many hidden esoteric purposes.
33. [U0373PJ92] From deep in the wood, perhaps even further, somewhere in the black where the Pootypoot ferns meet the Merlock Mountains, a gargle was heard. A menacing groan, no something even scarier, the sound of overweight breathing, breathing it's in and out stink breath air. The sound of a man or creature who has eaten nothing but bacon and mi mexico cheese dip for years upon years, beyond the time of the Quaff Dragon and through the years of Megazoor's reign of terror!The ground shook, the trees swayed back and forth dropping all of their Poot berries. Even in that moment of intense fear, Zachary managed to grab some of the Poot berries from the forest ground, for he and he alone knew that the mighty Pootypoot berries carried some special properties, +22 intelligence to be exact.
The gargled breath grew closer and closer. As the two pussies Tronbacca and Deag Solo were frozen in fear, Lendog began to laugh. For he knew what was coming, he knew a great and powerful ally was just moments away. An ally from deep in the Merlock Caves, who had finally awaken.

The two obviously most bad ass of the crew, Zachary Stark and Jalin Snow grabbed the devious Tywin by his baby sized hands (FAN LORE FACT: Tywin Bimsabee Lanister was born with female gnome sized hands, hands that were known for fitting inside the tightest of booty holes). They both whispered to him quietly, "come with us... we will protect your baby sized butt entering hands from the demon that is coming." Jalin threw Tywin into his wagon amongst his flesh-lights and tangerines. Stark, Lanister and Snow galloped off just in time to see the beasts head approaching threw the Pooty trees.

Lendog spoke, to the remaining pussies, behold... BEHOLD MY OLD FRIEND ALABAMA BLOOOOOOM! (FAN LORE FACT: Alabama Bloom was once a small hobbit like creature known as Stevey Keith, but during the reign of Megazoor he was tortured and experimented on until he became something much more malicious and evil. A Kentucky hillbilly and raper of his ken and anything with holes.)

Just when cock suckers Tronbacca and Deagle Solo were about to be analy pummeled by Alabama Bloom the Grandfathery voice spoke again!
"NO! Bama Bloom I will not allow it!" I send to you my only younger brother, for he will live amongst you as one of you, but not like you entirely. He will be tested and endure many trials to show you the way, the way of the Godard! Just then a blue light shown down on the ground next to Deagle Solo and a bright long red haired man fell slowly down the light. He was dressed like an Obi Wan Jedi with a black light lightsaber which exposed all the old hidden semen stains around the hood of his cloak. Once his bare hippy feet had touched the ground he said onto Bama Bloom and Lendog. YOU SHALL NOT...
34. [U09H0ASDR] Even as powerful as Bama Bloom and Lendog are, they couldn’t help be frozen in awe of the glowing white-hooded cloak. The entity shot lasers out of his eyeballs to start a quaint, yet effective campfire. ‘Bama Bloom immediately began whipping up his famous squirrel gravy, for sustenance. All three knew it would be a long night. The two warriors listened attentively to Goddard as he said, “Here. Boof this elixir and our journey shall begin.”
35. [U0373PJ92] A three days ride away, deep in the Moonkin Caves, which lies directly east of Auberdine. Markus a ninja from the far east was in search of the Cadildo stone, the stone was rumored to be kept by the Huntians (FAN LORE FACT: Huntians are a crazed race of half dwarf half Geodude). Markus had just made his way through the deadly ivory stalactite chamber (which look just like falling white dildos of death), when a wild Jaco appeared. Markus threw a rock at Jaco, but it only enraged him, Markus knew at once he would have to battle Jaco there was no chance of escape. Markus used his Hitmonlee kick but Jaco evaded and used rock smash which caused 50 damage.
36. [U0373PJ92] Chapter VI: Origins of the Cadildo StoneThe world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost; for none now live who remember it. It began with the forging of the great stones, three were given to the Solos; immortal, wisest and pussiest of all beings. Seven to the Huntians; great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. And nine, nine stones were gifted to the Lanisters, who above all else desire power.

For within these stones was bound the strength and will to govern each race, but they were all of them deceived, for another stone was made.

In the land of Moon Glade in the shrine of Remulos the dark lord Megazoor forged in secret the Cadildo Stone, to control all others and into this stone he poured his memes, his vegan propaganda and his conspiracy theories. One stone to rule them all.
One by one the free lands of Chernarus fell to the power of the stone, but there were some who resisted...
37. [U037240MF] haahahaahh
38. [U03656WM9] incoming......
39. [U037240MF] Far away, deep beneath the Timberly Tundra, lived a magical creature named Bibimbap. For decades, since he was a wee lad, his home (a cavernous system of tunnels) has been attacked by vicious miniature lions. We find him at a desperate time, when nearly all hope has been lost. Bibimbap scurries to the surface of the world in desperation, and calls out upon Goddard’s name.

(The following was recovered from Slack transcripts on Jan 8, 2019)

2016/Mar/11

1. [U037240MF] Goddard does not answer. But another voice from high above does. “Thank you for your hospitality,” a woman’s voice reverberates, sending shivers down Bibimbap’s spine. Bibimbap looks up into the sky, his eyes still weak from the bright light. A military grade blimp hovers above him. It’s crimson red, with a large depiction of a golden lion on the side. flags are scattered about the vessel, each bearing the same sigil, a golden lion rampant on a crimson field. Bibimbap spots a womanly figure standing at its helm. She must be the source of the voice. “Who are you?” Bibimbap calls out. She walks out of sight, and trumpets are heard. A man soon approaches the helm, reading aloud from a piece of parchment, “By the Faith of the Seven, by the power of noble whims, the Timberly Tundra and its inhabitants are now within the hospitality and dominion of her grace, Jodie Sweetin of Casterly Rock."
2. [U09H0ASDR] Four score has passed since the world went dark. All of the magi, who had sheltered underground for nearly a coon’s age, or ~8 sols for the layman, now slowly began to emerge to see what had become of their beloved space rock. Rumours and stories of what had happened were retold countless times as the magi gathered around their camp light emitting diodes, but nothing could have prepared them for what they saw.
3. [U03TD7YJJ] Before them stood the giant Caudildo Stone, swollen to over 1000 times it's normal size. Charred black from the destruction that had rained down on the surface, it stood erect at an incredible 1000 feet tall. Atop the very tip of the black stone stood a shadowy figure with a strong aura. His presence was ominous, and the magi quaked with fear as he shouted \" with this stone I will fuck the world!
4. [U0373PJ92] when reading please listen to this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAOiDLj4l7I
5. [U037240MF] Mawson the Magi stood front and center. "Bold are you, woe!" Mawson cried out. "Woe woe woe, to you who stands atop this Caudildo Stone!"
6. [U037240MF] The shadow slowly turned and gazed down at Mawson.
7. [U037240MF] "What aims do you have, way up there atop that stone? What have you in store?" Mawson questioned.
8. [U037240MF] "Death," the shadow spewed.
9. [U037240MF] Mawson grew weary. "What have you there, this Caudildo Stone, erect as it is, standing tall above the earth like so. What is this obstruction, this massive, erect boner!"
10. [U037240MF] "Fuck you, masterbater," the shadow whispered violently. Suddenly, the earth shook. Massive hairy balls emerged from the soil, lifting the stone boner slightly higher into the heavens.
11. [U037240MF] Mawson rushed forward and touched the Cadildo stone. A flash of white light struck as he stroked the stone. He fell to his knees and shit his pants. The other magi rushed to Mawson's aid, pulling him away. A few others cautiously approached the erection, examining it closer. This cadildo was not made of stone. Nor was it of flesh, nor ash, nor sundered mesh. This was something different. Something the magi had never accounted for; a Caudildo Bone.
12. [U037240MF] The shadow suddenly took form on the ground among the men, walking to and fro, amongst them as they cowarded. He spoke, "Wake, fallow, gape, and shallow. Patiently I take the boner high. You ought, you could, you would, you should, sorry, sad, and broken do you die. BONER!"
13. [U037240MF] Suddenly, the Caudildo Stone shot up into the heavens, thousands of feet into the sky. White filled the skies and drifted downward. The magi, fearfilled and broken, scattered across the land. The shadow leaned against the base of his giant boner stone, watching as the terrain around him fade a deep white. A single magi lingered near the base of the boner. He was clearly in shock. The shadow kneeled down and examine the lingering magi closely. "Go and live. Travel long and far, and tell everyone you see: winter is cumming."

2016/Jul/6

1. [U037240MF] In the distance, a distant fart is heard in the distance, distantly.
2. [U09H0ASDR] The perpetrator said not a word, whilst breathing through the mouth to avoid the biological warfare thou hast cast from thyne own butthole.
3. [U037240MF] meanwhile, south of Mapleberry Mountains and to the east of The Faglands, the full blood moon casted an eerie red hue upon Santa Poco, a fishing metropolis. as the Dingle Tower struck midnight, a bat-like shadow was cast over the city. A vampire, wings erect, soared above, encircling the town, casting spells, illuminating the sky with sparkle farts and bursts of magic giggles. This wasn't just any vampire. It was a Buttmancer, Stevendor. Between each spell he casted, he swooped down and kissed village boys atop the head. Each boy would turn pink and then explode into a clone of Stacie Orrico. After only a few hours, the entire metropolis had been converted. Stevendor turned his gaze to the north. He whispered in a bored, disappointed, shy tone, “Assemble the butts”.
4. [U03TD7YJJ] mr hankeys son is named Corn Wallace

2017/Jan/26

1. [U037240MF] Every generation's sun sets.
2. [U037240MF] But the new dawn melts uncertainty into hope.
3. [U037240MF] In the Fagfart caverns, the darkness escapes the light.
4. [U037240MF] The Great Bear George will soon awake.
5. [U037240MF] And so the newts prepare a feast.
6. [U037240MF] At the entrance, Geoking floats guard.
7. [U037240MF] What will this new season bring?
8. [U037240MF] Thunder.
9. [U037240MF] Downpour.
10. [U037240MF] Flood.
11. [U037240MF] Collapse.
12. [U037240MF] The world shall unravel.
13. [U037240MF] That is, if Bear George has his way.