Marco Movies: Worst To Best

## Where would *Marco 5: Epilogue* land here on this list?

Since the debut of the original film in 2005, the *Marco* franchise became the most successful Marcanese animation both in terms of critical reception and box office, making huge amounts of profit for Sony that are over $2.6 billion worldwide. The franchise also introduced us to Marco and his friends, as well as Marco's iconic and endlessly merchandisable cousins Joaquin & Emiliano, and quickly became the most popular brand in Marcanese animation. With the release of the final film *Marco 5: Epilogue,* we would start ranking the *Marco* movies from worst to absolute best. Grab some popcorn with your buddies and your favorite M&M's... and enjoy this good time review...

### Marco 2 (2013)

* Tomatometer: 83%
* Rating: 6/10 (Somewhat Okay)
* My Favorite Quote: "I do not like that chicken" from Marco, and "Prepare for your destiny!" from Owen.

Now having retired from a life of crime, espionage genius devotee Marco (Bill Hader) and his buddies are still having a good time partying around at home; but when Marco gets kidnapped by some secret agency who wants him to keep the world's most valuable diamond at the prestigious Houston Museum Of Natural Science - where precious gems and creepy totem poles attract museum lovers of all ages - from the hands of Owen (Will Ferrell), the genius mastermind of villainy whose plan of using Marco's mischievous kids as mindless Hulk-like goons via some mysterious IQ serum seems brilliantly executed, our lovable spy and his friends team up with the agents to do more child justice.

The cool yet arguably pointless sequel to the 2005 CG smash hit, *Marco 2* severely lacks the same infectious charm and sly wit of its predecessor despite that nice animation and yet I still question the film's fresh 83% rating on the Tomatometer. While not the worst cartoon sequel of 2013 - that dishonor goes to Animaker's *Planet Blue - Marco 2* possesses convoluted storylines that are as tacky as saving some fake cerulean topaz at the museum, decent new characters whom aren't that memorable as Marco & his friends, and too many pop culture references compared to the original. Sure, watching Marco & his agent crew outsmart some dragonbird from *Jurassic Park* via documentary seems cool, there's several *Star Wars* references, and Marco's portrayal of Indiana Jones being the most epic moment here; but all these clever gags at American film society can't take away some unnecessary toilet jokes involving Abel himself, although his desire for food heaven seems quite funny. Despite all these problems, *Marco 2* does have its bright side thanks to solid voice performances from stars such as Angelina Jolie & Jack Black, catchy Pharrell Williams songs, great action scenes - despite it all taking place at the museum - and its strong message concerning autism through the lens of Jacob (Tom Hanks). Although the film lacks emotional depth, Melvin's death was admittedly dark for a children's comedy film, made cute by his robot companion and R2D2. However, all these good things can't save this from being just mediocre payday children's entertainment. Just add more Joaquin & Emiliano gags here and that'd make things better.

### Marco 5: Epilogue (2022)

* Tomatometer: 60%
* Rating: 6/10 (Somewhat Okay)
* My Favorite Quote: "*JUST GIMME MY CUP OF COFFEE!"* from AI, "Garish? She's irresistible!" from Marco, and "Oh, it was just a tiny explosion!" from Justin.

After the events of *Marco 4*, Marco creates his latest invention - an AI algorithm clone of his generically named AI - while his friends now dedicate themselves to well deserved retirement. However, things go awry after a nice spring break tour around Galveston when AI decides it's about time to take over as he turns Marco's world upside down and abducts his friends & family into space cubes. Now, with the help of his new Christian crew and another female spy named Talia (Chloe Garcia-Moretz), Marco and his remaining sidekicks must put things back to normal and save their missing friends from the atrocious fate that awaits all of them...

Oh, what a bummer, the most recent Anaya Animation film is yet another disappointment for *Marco* fans everywhere. It becomes quite obvious while watching this film that the lowest common denominators from the *Marco* series have been distilled to a somewhat boring and poignant 115 minutes after Aileene leaves Marco for no apparent reason in the opening scene. While the first ten minutes had us attend an Astros game, some voyage to Schlitterbahn, a train ride through Hermann Park, and Bom Bin's grand circus fest; the film later boils down to an awesome yet dreadful *Star Trek* adventure whose magnum opus is literally AI being the bad guy instead. With its *Tex Avery* physicality and dystopian premise somewhat being borrowed from *Hotel Cloudylandia 3: Traversmania*, *Marco 5: Epilogue* excels at photorealism yet suffers from several mediocre attempts at comedy, arguably lame action scenes, and awkward moments involving Marco's transformation as weird Dracula and his fatty cousin Miguel Angel gobbling up sand. Although the film's lackluster marketing campaign pointed these things out, *Marco 5* also has its own special benefits: new endearing characters such as the Silver Springs townsfolk and Marco's new girlfriend Talia, some funny moments including this gem whenever Talia begs Marco to stamp out her espionage victim license, marvelous music score from the great Mark Mothersbaugh & Bruno Mars, and its complex sentimental moments that are as revolutionary as the highly-caffeinated energetic Marcoman who gained plenty of superpowers thanks to a frappe from his new girlfriend. There's also some clever moments too - such as "The AI-5000 Games" being reminiscent of well, *The Hunger Games -* but sadly, that seems lacking here, leaving most hardcore *Marco* fans unsatisfied to death.

### Joaquin & Emiliano: The Rise Of Marco (2021)

* Tomatometer: 74%
* Rating: 7/10 (Good Enough)
* My Favorite Quote: "*LONG LIVE THE RAMEN!!!"* from Yen Yang, and "*SUMMON THE MONSTER!*" from the Tickle-Me-Elmos.

Your favorite wacky cousins and their friends take their mischief to the next level at 90s Uptown Houston, where they encounter young Marco and his siblings via some strange time machine from 2093. More mischief ensures after Marco's poor interview with The Felonious 5 - the world's most despicable organization of crooks - as Little James Bond and his minions recruit several friends such as the awesome at karate breakdancing Yang family and supervillain-turned-secret agent/rock mogul Elvis Presley (Brad Pitt, once again as Elvis) in order to take down The Felonious 5 and Joe Greed's hipster gang for the greater good.

With plenty of good 90s vibes, spot-on 90s references, and amazing 90s soundtrack from Mark Mothersbaugh, *The Rise Of Marco* is arguably better than the two previous films on this list and for several good reasons. We finally get to know how Marco became "the world's greatest spy" and how he met Joaquin & Emiliano. The new quirky characters are real time fun, thanks to the supremely fantastic newcoming crew led by Leslie Jones and their own unique personalities. Although many important leaders meet their horrible demise at the beginning, the dark absurdist humor found here makes up the film's most amusing and unexpected moments, such as the heroes' encounter with an enormously ruthless Tickle-Me-Elmo at the Galleria and Bigfoot's exposure to the local police by Marco's mischievous minions. Like its 2018 predecessor, the film still stays true to its titular characters despite having Marco as the main protagonist this time around with their signature wry gags to keep the franchise going fresh; along with Joe's greedy sentiment vending machines, ominous automatic flying saucers, and small cunning ninjas whom Noah and the Yangs kick out. The emotional scenes are as cute as Marco's new cousins Mateo & Emely - albeit Joshua's mourning over his adopted pet velociraptor - the animation's as lovely as the Water Wall, and the action scenes are as good as always; all tied up with the most epic finale in *Marco* history. Besides, who would think that some bank run by criminals would actually be a good idea? Or the fact that Elvis Presley was once a bad guy who turned himself to some espionage rock hero? All this defines *The Rise Of Marco,* the blackly comedic yet awesome sequel to the 2018 spinoff starring Joaquin & Emiliano that's as wickedly good as its more lighthearted predecessor. And speaking of Marco's two little cousins...

### Joaquin & Emiliano: The Movie (2018)

* Tomatometer: 96%
* Rating: 9/10 (Excellent)
* My Favorite Quote: "Oh my goodness..." from Joshua, and "Get your diapies on, everyone!" from Noah.

The hugely anticipated *Marco* spinoff featuring Joaquin & Emiliano we've been all waiting for so long has your favorite wacky cousins on the search for their gone crazy parents with some Pythagoras treasure map. They soon encounter Joshua (Thomas Middleditch) - some kid that possesses the same gizmos and gadgetry as Marco who saves them from the Con Of Doom, "the most vile and despicable event in the history of humanity" - and other kids such as Noah (aka Big Fat Super Baby. voiced by Rob Paulsen) whom accompany Marco's eager cousins on their crazy journey, but when Edgar's former assistant Bryan (Rob Riggle) threatens to destroy parenthood across the globe, these highly serviceable if clumsily inept sons of Marco come up with several plans to take down the pink coated baddie and his army of disco loving robots.

Joaquin & Emiliano have plenty of charm to share with us, and this movie serves as their best Christmas present anyone can ever have if they can't afford some Nintendo Switch for the holidays. It's some gift these seemingly immortal kiddos made that contains lots of cute moments inside, and what is perhaps the most gutbustingly hysterical CG comedy that really tickles the funny bone. We can't expect more laughter than seeing the three main characters as a trio disguised as some goofy looking chicken who accidentally slips on orange juice while breakdancing, witnessing Noah's attempts at being some dimwitted superhero obsessed with Shipley Donuts, and what I found to be the most silliest performance of "Sweet Caroline" ever done by these kids. Although it somehow falls short of the beloved original and its 2015 threequel when it comes to emotion, there's still plenty of heartwarming moments that would make you appreciate having two parents and several friends on your side, yet the film makes itself a much better spinoff from a billion-dollar CG animated franchise than *Minions* without stealing enough money despite it being the most profitable *Marco* release to date. Director Pierre Coffin - who gibbers as the voice of Joaquin & Emiliano and Marco's sympathetic minions - proves that you can make a funny animated film stand out with plenty of heart, and he does it with our determined titular protagonists. The only real concern I have for this film would be Bryan and his annoying narcissist Newton (Jordan Peele), whom aren't really that much of a threat compared to Edgar. Even though the premise seems simple like the duo's 2006 Marco Toon, *Joaquin & Emiliano: The Movie* delivers a somewhat interesting concept about kids and parents which delivers the biggest laughs that are amusing enough as the Universal opening fanfare, while surprising *Marco* fans with Emiliano's portrayal of Godzilla and other clever pop culture gags included.

### Marco (2005)

* Tomatometer: 100%
* Rating: 11/10 (Supremely Perfect)
* My Favorite Quote: *"*Hah! *YEAH BABY!"* from Marco, "*BOOYAH BABY"* from Joe, *"*You've got to be kidding me..." from Marco, "Oh oh..." from Joaquin & Emiliano, "Ah! Shame on you, fish!" from Joe, and "Anyone got some pops?" from Kevin.

The movie that started it all... tells the story of Marco (Bill Hader), a kid who goes by Little James Bond with big dreams of becoming "the world's greatest spy" despite his lack of espionage skills and bad reputation among the locals. To prove everyone wrong, this kind yet highly intelligent tween throws in some huge party in hopes of getting enough money for his latest scheme - stealing the world's attention via some infinite weapon known as The Mega Gun - but when another guy named Joe (Jason Segel) steals the gun and threatens to take over the world with Alondra (Sandra Bullock), Marco and his trusty friends next door must stop them before their worried parents return home.

We all know how darn popular this movie is, especially us 90s kids who grew up watching this ever since 2005. If *Toy Story* defined Pixar's legacy and changed the animation world forever with the use of computers, then *Marco* made the possibilities of computer animation seem the more efficient thanks to its *Looney Tunes*-esque CG treatment and *James Bond* inspired action. Anaya Animation's first 3D magnum opus has particularly everything: nice photorealistic visuals, lovable yet endearing characters such as Marco and his friends, a catchy pop music score from Heitor Pereira - who would later compose the *Despicable Me* soundtrack - that features hits such as "Crazy Maniac" and "Highway To Heaven" for this film, two amusing villains who are funny in their own right, plenty of hysterical jokes that are worth several big laughs, excellent voice acting from A-list celebs, plenty of emotional moments that extend beyond Pixar quality, and more. Having suffered troubled production for 6 years, *Marco* still managed to be such a great animated film with a rare **100%** rating on the Tomatometer due to its brilliant storytelling being the main reason why. Marco's gadgetry and failed attempts to outdo Joe are reminiscent of classic *Spy vs. Spy* moments, whilst the concept of *Spy Kids* applies here with "what would kids do if their parents aren't home yet?" in the most exquisite way. Essentially made as religious satire and a parody of pop culture itself, the film contains several references to our world while not shying away from its pro Christian roots. As the story goes on, Marco exchanges his almost deplorable life for the sake of his family and friends, whom taught him that global popularity does not matter. And even if he gets down at times, Marco never gives up and strives to become a better weirdo. No other animated film impacted me more than this one spy classic, and if you "Don't Believe Me, Just Watch" it for yourself, I'm pretty sure you might invite your homies over for another party.

### Marco 3 (2015)

* Tomatometer: 98%
* Rating: 11/10 (Supremely Perfect)
* My Favorite Quote: "There are effects! E-FFECTS!" from John, "Oh brother" from Emmanuel, and "Vuela!" from Joaquin & Emiliano.

Your favorite espionage kiddos blast off to downtown Houston - aka Space City, home of NASA - for yet another good time at the big city. After having summer fun at Surfside Beach and craving Chinese food at his uncle's Asian buffet, Marco later converts to the world's greatest inventor when a fortune cookie he reads prompts him to make his most infamous machine - the FARB, Flying Automatic Radiation Bomb - which he beserks all across town, inspired by the fact that "anyone can make a huge difference in this world, even if you're an aspiring genius inventor"

Fortune cookies give wisdom, and this inspiring quote of hope brightens the young Dr. Frankenstein's seemingly dim light bulb on his head. However, when he gets warned of some enigmatic bank robber who's planning to foil downtown as the new mayor, the crazy mad scientist Marco and his buddies get help from tech mogul Erick (*Chappie's* Dev Patel) and his crew in order to save their beloved city. Now, onto the review... as you know, *Marco 3* is actually the highest earner at the box office in 2015 - yes, even more so than Universal's *Minions* movie - and also the Best Animated Feature that year, taking home several Oscars and with good reason. Although it's no *Inside Out,* this 2015 threequel to the 2005 modern classic is perhaps the most sentimental of all *Marco* movies, and maybe also the second funniest by far. Of course we all love to see Marco do crazy things such as dressing up like an elderly woman who avoids mall security cops and clumsily pulling off some manikin's pants at The Salvation Army, but what really makes this film shine would be its appeal to the emotions. No other sad moment in an animated film would be as tearjerking as the death of Marco's heretofore met deceased uncle, and no other iconic scene would be as uplifting as Pepe's "Hallelujah" moment afterwards. We also have scene stealers such as jock cop John (Keegan-Michael Key) and the amusing talented Mr. Mime (Tony Hale) who loves playing with his maracas. The largest city in the Lone Star State is America's most ethnically diverse metropolis, and the film acknowledges that very well with Asian cuisine eateries & Picasso's surreal European art. And speaking of Houston, the designers at Anaya Animation made what is perhaps the best looking city in computer animated form. To make things a bit more lovely, we get to see how Marco & Kevin's sister Marlene bond with each other as the film goes on. Marco's an aspiring genius kid with big dreams and a huge heart, and here he seems to sprawl some great ideas as complex as the city's interstate highway system, and what's even more interesting is the fact that he uses his failed inventions for many good purposes. Aside from having funny cameos and unexpected twists and turns that no live-action movie can ever do right, *Marco 3* is something more than spies and inventors: it's a movie about how too much corporate greed can lead to world domination, a movie about succeeding from failure and helping the homeless live better lives, and a movie that isn't even afraid to speak the importance of Christianity today and how optimism can help us overcome the loss of our loved ones. As the most imaginative comedy of the year, *Marco 3* truly deserved that Oscar win if not for the kids silly performance of "Le Disco, La Fiesta" at some *American Idol* wannabe show in the second act. So, what could be better than *Marco 3* on this list? You'll find out in a second... **and now, the absolute BEST film in the franchise is by no doubts...**

### Marco 4 (2017)

* Tomatometer: 87%
* Rating: 10/10 (Beyond Excellent)
* My Favorite Quote: "WOOHOO YEAH!" from Ian, "I've been *SOOOOOOOOO BAD! HAHA!"* from Edgar, "Do you like chicken?" from Ian, "DEMONSTRATION!" from Marco, *"JUST RELEASE THE ROBOT ALREADY!"* from Edgar, "RAP MUSIC!" from Edgar, and "Oh, it's just the fridge" from Ian.

After the events of *Marco 3,* Anaya Animation's fourth entry in the most popular animated media franchise of all time has the awkwardly genius superspy Marco (now perfectly voiced by Hugh Jackman) and his teen buddies track down an elusive teen rapper known as Edgar (Trey Parker) who wants to take over the world as a result of falling off the Billboard 200, literally. Things get even more intense when Little James Bond becomes teenage Sherlock Holmes and when Marco meets his longtime girlfriend once again...

Now, you've been telling me why *Marco 4* is the absolute best film in the franchise in my personal opinion. Here's why: unlike the other *Marco* movies, *Marco 4* chases down unorthodox ideas to its seemingly simple premise while adding elements of suspense so intensifying like its detective subplot. This fourth entry also has the best cinematography, the best action scenes that include some dance fight at the end, the best absurdist comedy in my opinion, and the best baddie ever. There's also several references - bet you've seen that *Ghostbusters* reference during the film's awesome finale - that are quite amusing and clever enough for us *Marco* fans. Heck, it's even better than its 2015 predecessor on every aspect of what makes great animated movies. Here we see a depressed Marco who ended up in state prison and escaped in hopes of getting a better life, yet he had to face today's cruel world by tracking down Edgar with the help of his remaining friends, while also dealing with the doubts and insecurities inside that kept him chained for life. He soon meets two new friends: Ian and Mikayla (David Spade and Tina Fey, respectively) whom make a deal with him in order to establish peace at Iandonia, aka The Pop Music Capital Of The World. And just like the town Ian founded by himself, the film's soundtrack - which ranges everything from Eminem and Drake to Marco's rap song and "La Macarena" - is addictingly catchy like riding on Ian's speedy yacht. The film highly respects teen culture and shows them the importance of being yourself no matter how other people treat you like, whilst also giving us the power of love through Marco and Aileene. Besides, I've never expected to see Aileene and Bom Bin return to the silver screen after 12 years of absence... and somehow it all happened to be true. That's what I like about this film: how unpredictable it gets as you watch Marco's homies arrive to Iandonia Hotel and guess Marco's sweet relationship with Mikayla. To end things with, the post credits are stylized in 2DCG gold with Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit", a solid choice for the film's ending. Despite its somewhat dark tone and some cheesy moments, *Marco 4* is what I consider to be the absolute BEST film in this franchise, period.