Cheeto(h)Timeline AudioLog Series

Slurp empty/the one without the number

### Gigglesnort

I hate to break it to you, but this is exactly the kind of flagrant bullshit that birthed the april arg. + See Cheeto Puzzle

## Transcript

### 1

(YN) Right, I was saying something, I was going on a tangent before and I forgot.

(JR) You were saying that this timeline was the one that Kung-Fury didn't come from.

(YN) Yes.

(JR) So what timeline is this one? We have gay rights, we don't have dinosaurs.

(YN) Or do we not ha--can you confirm that we don't have dinosaurs?

(JR) Hmm. They say the Loch Ness monster might be a dinosaur but other than that.

(YN) Because we've been talking about lizard people.

(JR) I mean that is true. The Illuminati could just be dinosaurs hiding their gay rights from us.

(YN) Exactly, and when we get all the gay rights they have to come--

### 2

(YN) Yes.

(JR) There an infinity symbol.

(YN) You get--now we're going, now we're thinking with portals. Alright.

(JR laughs)

(YN) So we reached the timeline where Kung-Fury's never made but the dinosaurs are made and they get sent back in time but the Vikings already have--

(JR) I mean, Kung-Fury does get made. Kung-Fury gets made in timeline three.

(YN) Kung-Fury gets made in timeline three but--

(JR) But only after the dinosaurs are brought back.

(YN) Alright, only after dinosaurs are brought back but at what point--

(JR) And then Kung-Fury sends the phone back in time but the Vikings already had--or--they didn't have the phone yet but they always were going to have had had a phone. So Kung-Fury still causes the dinosaurs to go extinct but they already were extinct so it's fine--there's no paradox.

(YN) Oka--

(JR) And the only thing that happens is that the first timeline gets unhooked.

(YN) Okay, where--where is the current timeline that enta--

### 3

(YN) --entire thing.

(JR) So--so it's a--it's a stable time loop. So the sequence is: Kung-Fury goes back in time and gives Vikings phones,--

(YN) Yes.

(JR) --the Vikings wipe out the dinosaurs because they're useless, time continues as normal--there's no gay rights. Then, a Kickstarter happens that brings all the dinosaurs back from chickens. This causes gay rights to resurge and then Kung-Fury gets remade--or made for the first time. During Kung-Fury they go back in time and make dinosaurs extinct. In this timeline, Kung-Fury cannot exist unless dinosaurs went extinct at least once.

### empty

(YN) Right, I was saying something, I was going on a tangent before and I forgot.

(JR) You were saying that this timeline was the one that Kung-Fury didn't come from.

(YN) Yes.

(JR) So what timeline is this one? We have gay rights, we don't have dinosaurs.

(YN) Or do we not ha--can you confirm that we don't have dinosaurs?

(JR) Hmm. They say the Loch Ness monster might be a dinosaur but other than that.

(YN) Because we've been talking about lizard people.

(JR) I mean that is true. The Illuminati could just be dinosaurs hiding their gay rights from us.

(YN) Exactly, and when we get all the gay rights they have to come--

### 5

(JR) Okay, well, I mean if--de--if dinosaurs and humans exist in the same timeline and gay rights are active and it's a modern enough era that Sburb could spawn, then a dinosaur and a lizard have to have gay sex so that echidnas can be born so that all of the abomination stuff can happen.

### 6

(YN) Okay, presumably this is also trans rights to a l--

(JR) I mean, yeah, probably.

(YN) Yes, probably.

(JR) They have to--they have to be gay sex that can make a baby so yeah.

(YN) So yeah, okay.

(JR) Echidnas save trans rights.

(YN) Terrible sentence.

(JR laughs) The fleshy monsters.

(YN) I don't know what I'm looking at now. I'm pulling myself out. I don't know what I'm looking at.

(JR) How many colours do you have?

(YN) Many.

(JR) You said you were adding blue.

(YN) I did add blue, yes. I--I only have three markers.

(YN and Voice 2 laugh)

(YN) I have blue, other blue and then I have the red.

(JR) Well, there's also green for the dinosaur timeline.

(YN) Yeah, of course. There's a little bit of red down here but it's like a different red.

(JR) I swear to god we are--I-I-I-I-I am writing it into the notebook AI thing. Like, the dino--the-the-the raptors, the hatched chick raptors are going to be gay pride coloured.

(YN) Okay, got it.

(JR) This is going to happen. I don't--I don't care.

(YN) That is (???, horrible?) okay, so that's part of the time loop now, right?

(JR) Yes, gay dinosaurs cannot be skipped.

(YN) Okay, so this is gon--this is a cheetoh timeline. That, I--I--

### 7

(YN) Yeah, yeah, I had orange so that's what I used.

(JR laughs)

(YN) Cheetoh timeline.

(JR) Okay.

(YN) There you go. (???, shoot?) the timeline.

(JR) You see, Hussie had no imagination when he was calling shit alpha. We use cheetoh instead.

(YN and JR laugh)

(YN) Yeah, that's it, that's the right timeline.

(JR) Yes.

(YN) Because the cheetoh timeline--so obviously Kung-Fury gets made and gay rights.

(JR) Mmmhmm, yes.

(YN) But it won't let me write gay rights so I'm just gonna do a little ring.

(JR) Kung-Fury diresh--directly represses but then brings back gay rights.

(YN) Okay, so brings back gay r--I'm gonna draw a little rainbow flag 'cause it won't let me. Okay, so there's that and also lizards exist again.

(JR) Yes.

(YN) So I'm gonna draw a lizard. So obviously this leads to--to big old gay--gay--gay lizard state.

(JR) Yes.

(YN) Lizaaarrrd. Okay, imagine that says lizard. Gay lizard state, alright. So (???, word?) is up in the--

(JR) Alright.

(YN)--cheetoh timeline--because for the cheetoh timeline to exist, this entire loop needs to happen, right?

### 8

(JR) Yes.

(YN) But in order for this--

(JR) It's still can (???, hey? pay?).

(YN) --to also happen we also need to be aware of it. So right now--

(JR) Mmmhmm.

(YN) --we are currently in the cheetoh timeline. It starts right now.

(JR) Right.

(YN) Presume--

(JR) Because dinosaurs did go exist--extinct but then Kung-Fury got made but, wait... I don't know what timeline we're in because we're watching Kung-Fury but Kung-Fury was explicitly made when dinosaurs existed.

(YN) Okay, I'm lost. Okay, what is the current timeline? So, we know that--

(JR) Oh wait wait wait wait wait, I've figured it out. Just because we watched it in this timeline doesn't mean it was made in this timeline.

(YN) That would explain it, yeah, this is probably like a--like a recording. Maybe the actual Kickstarter money wasn't to actually make the movie but to get it from--

### 9

(YN) --the other timeline.

(JR) Exactly.

(YN) Oh, right.

(JR) That makes way more sense than they--they made such a--a high budget movie on a Kickstarter budget.

(YN) Okay, so obviously, uh, back--so obviously timeline seal. I can't write time lizards when I'm--tiiiiimeliiiiine.

(JR) I mean, maybe Kung-Fury's like a JuJu. Maybe we're watching the version of Kung-Fury from universe one.

(YN) Okay, so obviously--

(JR) Timeline.

(YN) --it was taken from universe one to bring to this timeline with Kickstarter money.

(JR) Mmmhmm, mmmhmm. The only thing that made it out of that universe.

(YN) --before Sburb gets made right here.

(JR) Mmmhmm.

(YN) And also in this timeline--I'm already lost, I don't know why this is the cheetoh timeline again.

### 10

(YN) --but of hiding.

(JR laughs) Yeah, okay, that makes sense. So what you're saying is that anyone who protests gay rights is an Illuminati lizard.

(YN) Yes.

(JR laughs) Because they wanna keep hiding.

(YN) They wanna keep hiding. I dunno where that puts us because we kinda have to oppose gay rights to be able to bring echidnas into existence. However--

(JR) Well, no, we were allowed to bring them back, remember; we can't oppose gay rights.

(YN) Okay.

(JR) We want to not because--I mean, obviously, we're not going to oppose gay rights--but we don't want echidnas to exist. But they have to exist and besides we get the side effect of gay rights.

### 11

(YN) We get, yeah, that's right. Okay, so I was writing something about echidnas here--I don't know where I was going with it. Uhh, I'm going to grab--

(JR) You were going to draw them as a terrible fleshy ball.

(YN) Well here it is, I don't know what I--there you go. It's out there now, okay.

(JR) Excellent.

(YN) It looks more like a platypus but you don't really have to mention it. Okay, so it says someone fucked a (???, licker?) I remember that; everything's connected.

(JR) Mmmhmm.

(YN) Okay, I was saying--

(JR) Yep.

(YN) --everything is connected, nothing is. Alright, that's where I was going with it. So these two statements are true at the same time because--

(JR) I mean, yeah.

(YN) --in order for echidnas to be relevant, y'know, they are not supposed to exist. However, they exist. We understand that they aren't technically meant to exist, however if they don't exist they don't get to exist.

### 12

(YN) That is disgusting, what kind of animal--

(JR laughs)

(YN) --what kind of a (???) is an echidna, come on.

(JR) I'm not saying I would do it, I'm just saying I'm pretty sure they're real and you could poke them if you really wanted to.

(YN) Do you want to poke an echidna? Because I'll go to--

(JR) Well.

(YN) --a zoo and poke a goddamn echidna.

(JR) If you ever do make sure to document it.

(YN) Like, I'm not saying they don't exist, like, we understand they shouldn't exist.

(JR) Yes, we're in agreement there.

(YN) But they still exist.

(JR) If I remember right there's five times as many species of echidna as there are platypi.

(YN) Yeah, they're, yeah it was like all of them were echidnas except from the platypi--like the last family line.</nowiki>

### 13

(JR sighs)

(YN) There's four--five I think--and then there's the playtpi and that's all there is of that family line.

(JR) I remember five because it's an arc number.

(YN) Oh right, okay. I don't know where that leaves us.

(JR) But if you can find it you know it's eight. All I'm saying is imagine the--the glorious timeline where the platypuses are the last scion of the--the egg-laying mammals.

(YN) Were you saying--okay, so obviously there's a timeline where all echidnas go extinct.

(JR) Yes, and that's not the Kung-Fury timeline--only dinosaurs weren't extinct.

(YN) See? This is what I mean by the echidnas being necessary--if we only have platypi, the timeline never happens.

(JR) Y'know, we never saw an echidna in Kung-Fury. Are we sure they're a part of the alpha timeline? I mean, I'm sorry, the cheetoh timeline.

(YN) Hmm, because we didn't see an echidna in Kung-Fury but that's--that kinda fits the point, right? They've been hiding from the--the public eye.

(JR) Yeah.

### 14

(JR) That's true. Or--or it's pre-echidna because there's people and dinosaurs but they haven't necessarily fucked yet.

(YN) Now that is a concept. Kung-Fury is made before dinosaurs are exis--extinct. But (???) is made after (the four/before) dinosaurs go exis--extinct. But before... I'm lost.

(JR) Oh no, it's the orb--YN!

(YN) What?

(JR) It's the origin story of echidnas! The very last thing that happens is that the music swells and a dinosaur tel--a male dinosaur tells a male human that he loves him. Kung-Fury is the echidna's dad!

(YN and JR laugh)

(JR) Triceracops--tops is dad number two.

(YN) Okay. Alright.

(JR) They are the gay rights dinosaurs, humans.

(YN) First of all, triceratop is trans, uh.

(JR) Okay, yeah, I'll accept that.

(YN) I'll accept that, alright. So we've got that, that's how we know that--the timeline where echidnas happen.

### 15

(YN) Okay, so that clearly makes it so after Kung-Fury's made echidnas start existing.

(JR) Yup, because of the forbidden romance.

(YN) Yes. Like, putting that on--on any screen clearly was enough to finally break whatever barrier of sanity was left in man. So...

(JR) And dinosaurs.

(YN) And dinosaurs.

(JR) You would think a dinosaur would know better.

(YN) They don't. They have laser eyes.

(JR) Man, that's why triceracop kept going for the nut shots. It was enbaked in his genetic code to not want to fuck humans. He knew what taboo that would bring.

(YN) He knew echidnas would start existing but he did it anyway.

(JR) Well, I mean, yeah. You make anything taboo eventually it's gonna happen.

(YN) That's true, okay. So--

(JR) I mean there's cereal-posting on main all the time.

(YN) Okay, so what do we learn from this? What is the takeaway?

(JR) We've learned that there's a cheetoh timeline.

(YN) Okay, there's a cheetoh timeline--okay there's a cheeeeetoh. I don't even know how to write cheetoh whatever.

(JR) There's definitely a cheetoh timeline and you know what the worst part is?

(YN) What?

(JR) If I remember right you are recording this, which means there's a chance that someone might one day hear this and they're going to be like, "gosh, I wonder if Farragnarok has a cheetoh timeline and for the first time ever we've recorded our thought process that goes into this.

(YN) Ah, yeah, it's recording right now.

(JR wheezes with chucklefuckery) There is the cheetoh timeline because YN happened to use orange.

(YN decides chucklefuckery is pretty heckin' clever and gets in on the yuks)

(YN) I mean isn't that what (???) is about?

(JR) Yes.

(YN) You just grab orange. Orange is a very nice colour.

### 16

(YN) --a very nice colour.

(JR) It is!

(YN) Look at that, that's really nice, okay. So--

(JR) The filmmaker really made me hate orange though. Any time I see orange, like, "oh shit, is that a glitch?" Nah, it's just an actual Light player. God damn it.

(YN) You'll--you'll never be able to live with Light players again.

(JR) So what's the conspiracy wall lookin' like?

(YN) Okay, I'm gonna scroll out, uhh. I don't know what I'm looking at.

(JR) That's ideal.

(YN) I mean, you are seeing this, right?

(JR) I am not seeing this.

(YN) I am screen-sharing.

(JR) You are not screen-sharing or if you aaare... I'm still in Rabbit to be honest.

(YN) Can--can you check Discord please?

(JR) I will. I've just been commenting one what you've been saying because it's hilarious. Haaaawww, yeah, I could've seen the whole time.

(YN laughs at this cruelest of revelations)

(JR) Let's see. How can I fullscreen this bitch? Yeah, that's the most valid echidna I've ever seen.

(YN) Haha I was just taking your--your audio cues as, "yep, okay, you're seeing this." (Wheeeze)

(JR) We've established that I'm good at rolling with things. I've just been keeping track of what you've been saying in my head.

(YN) You've done a very good job of it, I'll tell you that much.

(JR) Mmhmm!

(YN) Because I couldn't keep track of it and I was doing it.

(JR laughs at the confusion, thriving on it) To be honest I think it'd be harder to keep track of if I was watching you make this.

(YN laughs also, embracing the chaos of the universe)

### 17

(YN) Like, I could post this on main right now with zero explanation.

(JR) I mean, do it.

(YN) Okay, alright.

(JR) Do it! Do it and save it so that any--any amount of this we post in the podcast--

(YN) Yeah.

(JR) --we can just, like, tie it to this picture as well.

(YN) Okay, so, uh, what do I name it?

(JR) Cheetoh.png.

(YN) Okay, cheetoh. Alright, now where do I post it?

(JR) Cheetoh timeline to make it even more, like--like the timeline's important.

(YN) Alright, where do I save this? Like, where do I put it?

(JR) Discord news plus memes.

(YN) Okay, got it. Cheetoh timeli--

(JR) 'Cause if you were to put it anywhere else, someone--like, if you were to put it in AprilARG they would immediately dissect it and take it seriously.

(YN) Okay--

(JR) And while we want them to do that eventually--

(YN) There it is.

(JR) --we want it to have the air of shitpost. That's vital.

(YN) Okay, there it is. Alright.

(JR) Alright, and so I'm going to do think, thonk, snort. And then we'll see what they make of that.

(Laughter. Laughter at our expense, dear reader. For shame.)

(YN) I'm looking at this right now! I think the real puzzle here is figuring out what the fuck I just did.

(We are left only with the victorious JR laughing before the tape ends.)