recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
S02E10 - Horny & Dangerous

## Horny & Dangerous

Wixen need sex advice too!

This episode starts midway through chapter 4.

 Episode Summary

Hermione rushes her Shining White Knight to the Great Hall and Draco will be dining on her.

## Notable Moments

* A frank discussion of romper safety, hygiene, functionality and practicality.
* Hosts debate the relative merits of each of the NSYNC members. The Golden Threesome are split on Joey Fatone (Allie is for, Lyndsay is against). Everyone's in agreement on Chris Kirkpatrick (against).
* Allie dubs Val Kilmer "the forgotten Batman"
* Hosts prophesize the future tech "Hologramma™"
* "I don't take anatomy, only Arithmancy. I have no idea where a heart is." ~ Danny
* (L:) I need Draco to calm down because he's threatening a life over a secret about hook-up buddies. (A:) I like this Draco; I want him to amp it up!
* Tongue war rematch
* Allie calls out Lyndsay's active listening sounds (but I think they were actually edited out).
* Drinking game: Drink every time Lyndsay covets Allie's fan art.
* Hermione is a cum specialist.
* "What is in the water at Hogwarts that everyone's precum is so vast?" ~ Allie
* "Upstairs she was cool as a cucumber, downstairs, she was a marsh." ~ Danny + Allie
* Allie hopes that Danny's grandma is listening to the precum milking.
* "I've never thought of my nipples as wanting to be 'fully extended'" ~ Allie
* Pre-cum sprinkler
* Another She's All That reference, this time the hack-y-sack performance.
	+ "Precum. Never let it drop. drop. drop. Moving staircase. Suck the shaft. Stay on top." ~ DAnny + Lyndsay
* Danny experiments with some Draco voices.
* Comparison of using finger to collect cum to Fun Dip.
* Hosts propose a magical Dr. Ruth (eventually named Dr. Wanda Phillatia).
* Danny continues to slip into the Batman voice for a variety of characters
* Lyndsay deduces that the preponderance of "ehs?" in the story is because mctwist is Canadian. (Note: at this point there has only been 4 in the entire story; 3 in chapter 5 and 1 in this chapter)
* "Don't bone where you dine." ~ Lyndsay
* Potentially the most disturbing end to an episode chapter yet: "Fuck me until you die," she whispered.
	+ "Fuck me until you die...romantically?" ~ Allie
	+ "Die inside of me. Keep having sex with me until your heart stops." ~Danny

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Up

* The staircase and Draco standing up for her

Danny: Up

Lyndsay: Up

## Potterotics Shout Outs

* @cathynolanart inadvertently causes some strife when she sends in an awesome drawing of (only) Allie.
* Marsha, Danny's grandmother, posts a glowing review of the podcast.
S01E04 - An Open Relationship

## An Open Relationship

We are back to just having Allie and Lyndsay as hosts...and they miss Danny. Lyndsay promises that he will be back for future episodes.

Chapter 4 is entitled "A Candid Conversation"

## Episode Summary

Hermione and Snape continue to dance around each other...still no sexy times.

## Notable Moments

* Mention of the vajazzling joke from S01E03. Allie's mom suggests
	+ The Snazzy Snatch
	+ The Mystical Muff
	+ Bibbity Bobbity Bush
* "If I were a wizard, I would call hooking up "the dark arts". I would be really popular. Especially if I have to say "as a joke" afterwards. Do you guys get it? No one wants to sleep with me" ~ Lyndsay
* "They have been kind of playing chicken or Marco Polo on either end of the pool, circling each other in nudity. It's like a cage match." ~ Allie
* More washcloth references
* Coarse hair reference
* "This is not the kind of wetness I wanted." ~ Lyndsay
* "Hermione, don't be a chump! Do what we all do and cry *after* sex." ~ Lyndsay
* "You know what speaks a thousand words, Snape? A smack on the ass!" ~ Lyndsay
* Snape negging Hermione
* "And then he calls her a 'Mudblood'. RUDE!" ~ Lyndsay
* 10 points to Gryffindor?! Snape is a cheap bastard!
* Confirmed that it is a "big, frothy bathtub" (~ Allie) when the drain was pulled out and not a pool, which relieves Danny's concerns about bathing in other people's pee, but seems like a waste of water.
* Allie wonders whether Moaning Myrtle has been eavesdropping on them this whole time.
* Guesses for next week: They will get to "first base" (some debate over what this means exactly), but that there will at least be some kissing.
Patreon Q2E3 - Rising from the Asses

## Rising from the Asses

This is the third and final episode of Patreon Quickie 2, which features the story "Incendium" by Keep\_Calm\_And\_Expecto\_Patronum.

## Episode Summary

Things heat up while Snape and Tonks get down to business, not emerging until 3 days later.

## Notable Moments

* Snape is the "burning man"
* Lyndsay pulls out the \*kiss\* Sorry! joke
* Snape has steam coming out of his ears like Wile E. Coyote.
* Allie finds "stiff" nipples funny
* "The roof! The roof! The roof is on fire!" ~ Allie + Lyndsay
* Skinny jeans? Classic Sev
* Lyndsay makes a "weenie roast" joke
* Danny: "Great balls of fire"
* Hosts joke about the resurgence of Snape's erogenous zones
* Snape's trousers are burned to ash, the greatest disrobing of all time.
	+ "Eat your heart out, tear away pants!" ~ Lyndsay
* Allie expects Trelawney to come in and be a downer.
* Bobsled joke reference
* Reference to an Icebreakers commercial that I am unfamiliar with...but may feature "Susan"?
* Tonks is going to become the Mother of Dragons
* Poor Rughorn didn't take the ice potion.
* so many fire jokes!

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Up

* Wands ablaze to the sky

Danny: Up

* so hot!
* Reminds Danny of the explosion of the villain in Casper...or perhaps Ursula from The Little Mermaid
* Wants to know how she came up with this idea

Lyndsay: Up

* Wants to know all the stories of other people that have suffered from this.
S07E02 - Happy BirthLAY

## Happy BirthLAY

Episode Artwork by Dave

This episode continues with "Yearning Hearts" and then moves onto Open to Love.

## Episode Summary

Love is blooming all over Hogwarts castle as Ginny and Luna start snogging whenever possible, and Harry continues his journey of self-discovery in Prague.

## Notable Moments

* Danny practices good oral care, but poor social etiquette.
* Allie's new tick is saying "BOOM!"
* Danny pronounces it "Parvati Paddle"
* Lavender and Parvati are much better penpals than Harry.
* Danny shares a tip on how to encourage conversation. Lyndsay will never utilize that tip.
* Gasping Lyndsay
* Lyndsay proposes a gritty new police procedural: Boot & MacDougal.
* Danny drops a travel info bomb. He's full of knowledge today.
* Allie and Lyndsay lose it at Danny's Scottish accent (which \*may\* be more Irish)
* "You know what I think he needs?" ~ Danny
	+ "Dick!" ~ Allie
* The hosts wonder what Chinese symbol tattoo Harry would get.
* Allie supposes that Harry is going around Prague under the name "Parry Hotter", you know, for anonymity.
* Danny's Luna Lisp makes a reappearance.
* "Luna got GAME!" ~ Lyndsay
* Luna may be a possessed doll or a psycho killer.
* The hosts are loving all of the explicit consent, even though it seems a bit like a instructional video about consent.
* Lyndsay is thrilled that Danny has to do Luna's orgasm voice, which is apparently "aaaaghhh". That or Luna is falling down a well.

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Up

* Started down, but shifted up by the end.

Danny: Up

* Down for a bit, but ended Up. Last scene was great

Lyndsay: Up

* Feels bad for Lavender. Likes the diverse stories.

## Potterotics Shout Outs!

* Ulrike's Potterotics collaboration of the Wands Up or Down song is played again.
* Episode ends with 3 songs written by Potterotics:
	+ Mitch does a cover of "Two Princes"
	+ Mitch and Dave collab on "Padfoot's Best Friend's Girl"
	+ Sigrid covers "First Time in Forever" from Frozen.
S04E01 - Masturbation Managed

## Masturbation Managed

Season 4 takes us back to the Marauder's era - and things get steamy as the hosts read "Slipping" by betta329. This episode starts the story.

## Episode Summary

Sirius walks in on James and Lily rocking their four-poster bed and can't help but indulge in a fantasy of his own in the Common Room.

## Notable Moments

* Musical Opening: I Will Survive cover
* The hosts dash their fans hopes that they'll become a throuple.
* They tell story about Allie getting hug-friendly with their fans from the live event.
* Allie jokes Danny of being a premature ejaculator.
* Lyndsay hypothesizes it might be about cheating, and then has her hypothesis proven immediately by Danny reading the summary.
* "Nothing says 'I'm a student and getting some action' like red velvet bedspreads." ~ Danny
* \*deep breath\* "Mmmm..Santa." ~ Lyndsay, after accidentally saying "Christmas" instead of "crispness"
* Danny is concerned about Sirius' self-BDSM style wank.
* Cruel Incantations moment when Sirius just continues on with his wank even after James and Lily walk in.
	+ James and Sirius have a very Br-open relationship
* "Danny also wonders what that was all about!" ~ Danny
* Allie declares Sirius licking come off his fingers as being very "on brand"
* "Why is he so callused? Is it from Quidditch?" ~ Allie
	+ "He's working with all that wood." ~ Danny
* Lily is a giver; fantasizing about her going down on Sirius and not the other way around.
* This generation is so much more "cool" than Harry's generation.
* \*Lyndsay making an air whooshing out of a balloon sound effect\*
	+ Asks if the other hosts remember when kids would let air out of balloons in school. Lyndsay may have gone to a clown college.
* James' boner needs a "wide turn" sign
	+ "He uses his boner to reach over and grab the gravy." ~ Allie
* Hogwarts is an overflowing kettle of sexual tension.
* Come is everywhere, so Danny wonders why nobody's come up with a vanishing spell for it.
* Danny is picking up some Mean Girls vibes between Lily and Sirius in class.

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Up

* Might be her favourite inaugural episode so far. Loves cocky Sirius

Lyndsay: Up

* Loves all of it, especially Sirius' forwardness. Excited to get some James.

Danny: Up

* Loves the new cast of characters
Q02E02 - Fire(crotch)whiskey

## Fire(crotch)whiskey / BRA-lohomora!

The original Ughorn brothers...and Allie

This episode was streamed live on Facebook.

This episode is the second of four reading "Need You Now" by thewaterfalcon.

Depending on where you are listening to this episode, it might be titled "Fire(crotch)whiskey" (itunes) or "BRA-lohomora!" (Pocketcasts and potentially others).

## Notable Moments

* The hosts flaunt their impressive knowledge of Canadian trivia and Danny promises that next year they will instead post a Canadian themed image to celebrate this week.
* The hosts reveal that they had a lively debate about how many puns are too many puns, and Danny won, so the "New Owl, Who Dis?" became "New Owl, Hoo Dis?"
* Discussing the joke from last episode that the two places they would look for Lyndsay would be at the gym or at a donut shop, Allie's would be her porch or at a festival and Danny's would be on one of his two couches (Slughorn or Plughorn)
* Pansy trying to remember "winging it" is like Ariel trying to remember the words for land items.
* Those poor fuck-ugly statues!
* "I'd like to put the fucking in Ronald..sorry, too much!" ~ Lyndsay
* "Have you ever "buffed" yourself in preparation for anything?" ~ Allie
* Mr Unless-You-Have-A-Bottle-Of-Firewhiskey-Hidden-In-That-Skirt would be hard to fit on a government form.
* There was a bunch of Kardshian references here that I can't be bothered to look up. Potterotics on the live chat seem to feel similarly and the hosts throw in a few references to the Jennifer Aniston/Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie to bring us back into the 90s references.
* "DANG Weasley!" ~ Allie
* Lyndsay wants to make sure that everyone can clearly picture Ron's sexy moves.
* "I'm all about equal misery for sexual encounters." ~ Danny
* "I do need a graph. I need a graph." ~ Lyndsay
* Allie continues to push the DrAllie agenda.
* "This is the "levi-o-o-o-sa action!" ~ Danny, as Ron lifts Pansy off her feet.
* Danny assists Lyndsay with the reading with his delightful vocal stylings.
* (L:) He's romantic guys! (A:) Wands down!
* Danny wonders whether showing a little cleavage would have distracted the Death Eaters long enough to reduce the death toll during the Battle of Hogwarts
* Lyndsay fleshes out the Plughorn character as being the evil twin that no one knows exists but is tarnishing Slughorn's good name.
* Danny jokes that Allie would be an inflatable couch.
* "Belts are so 2001!" ~ Lyndsay (but only for men; women are good to wear belts)
* "Hey BRA, go join your undapants" ~ Allie and Lyndsay, in a Tony Micelli voice.

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Up

* Ron hoisting her up and taking off her shirt

Danny: Up

* Liked the cushioning charm and "throwing"

Lyndsay: Up

* Sexy Ron. Enough said.

## Potterotics Shout Outs

* The author (Artemis Lake) joins the live video.
* Wands ups Potterotics on the FB chat: Ryan, Megan, Rachel, Tasha, Nicole, Alexa, Brittany
Season 5

In season 5, the hosts read Zeroing in by tryslora. In Episode 1, they comment that they "scrapped the plans we had for this season" in favour of reading this piece instead. The premise of this story with the sex fluidity makes it difficult to categorize the pairing type for this story, so all combinations have been included (F/F, M/M, M/F).

## Summary

Harry goes out for a night on the town, determined to finally lose his virginity, and wakes up in bed with a lovely woman and breasts of his own. Shocked to discover that he has the extremely rare disease of Zerophilia, which makes him change gender when he orgasms, he is even more shocked to find out who else shares this disease.

This story is inspired by the movie Zerophilia.

## Episodes

* S05E01 - A Hellova Hangover
* S05E02 - Shag Him Again, Darling
* S05E03 - Pen15 Pals
* S05E04 - Between a C#ck and a Hard Place
* S05E05 - Fingerblast from the Past
* S05E06 - Can You Zerophil the Love Tonight?

## Relationship(s)

* Harry Potter (AKA Harriet, as decided by Potterotics poll) / Draco Malfoy (AKA Dana)

## Other Characters that Appear

* Hermione Granger
* Ron Weasley
* Pansy Parkinson / Blaise Zabini (implied) - Panini (Pansy's fetus with Blaise)

## Notable Jokes, Gags and References from Season 5

* Dubious Consent: Draco doesn't inform Harry of who he is, leaves him as a female, etc.
* Panini - Blaise and Pansy's baby
* Dense Harry (Episode 1, 2, 3, 5)
* Silken Pubes (Episode 1)
* CONSENT (Episode 1, 5)
* Jason (Episode 1, 6)
* Ron Bashing (Episode 1, 2, 3, 4)
* Dansy Voice (Episode 1, 2, 6)
* Gasping Lyndsay (Episode 1, 2, 3, 5, 6)
* The -Ughorns (Episode 2, 3, 6)
* "New Year, eww me" ~ Lyndsay (Episode 1, Q11, 3)
* The Black Cloth (Episode 3)
* GIRLS NIGHT! (Episode 4)
S02E12 - Good 'til the Last Drop

## Good 'til the Last Drop

This is why Hogwarts should have a sex ed class.

The Golden Threesome plug their live appearance and the Potterotics groups on FB and Instagram.

This episode finishes chapter 6.

## Notable Moments

* Lyndsay jokingly asks what AirBnB would be called in the wizarding world. Funnily enough, in a later episode she dubs it AirBonB in Season 5, Episode 3.
* Dr. Phillatia reference
* Allie recounts stories from her wayward youth, body mods of days past and Cancun shenanigans.
* Danny and Lyndsay improvise theme songs for the voicemails.
* Hosts do a version of the "Final Countdown" song for the "Final Chapter"
* "The chamber of Boobs has been opened!" ~ Danny
* "So she meant 'my turn' as my turn to pleasure you? That's not my favourite use of 'my turn'" ~ Lyndsay
* Allie teases a killer Pogs story and then goes on a laughing jag
* "This is like Lyndsay at a 4th of July pie-eating contest!" ~ Danny
* Slughorn reference
* "That's what every girl wants. One swift jackhammer." ~ Allie
* "I don't like the word 'spurt'" ~ Lyndsay
* (A:) Is this anal? (L:) I don't think so. (D:) Somebody will tell us.
* Madam Pomfrey will humpty dumpty you back together again after rough sex.
* "Okay, they can't use the word 'Always' in this context." ~ Lyndsay
* Danny and Lyndsay sing "Double your pleasure, double your fun, stick it in your butt and double the cum"
* Draco cums so long that he was even whiter than normal.
* "Hermione will tell you how to take it in." ~ Lyndsay

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Up

Danny: Up

* Wanted more and was bummed by the non Happily Ever After

Lyndsay: Up

* Haunted by the pain of lost love

## Potterotics Shout Outs

* The Potterotics community as a whole gets a shout out from the hosts who encourage listeners to join.
* Voicemail from Jane played - doesn't feel the Season 1 story is an accurate representation of Snanger ship community.
S01E07 - 45 Minutes of Kissing

## 45 Minutes of Kissing

Potterotic Dave captures the important erogenous zone, the armpit, and the mattress-worthy amount of towels available.

## Previous and Next

### Next

S01E08 - Squirts So Good

This episode has the second appearance of future co-host, Danny Chapman. It also marks the official introduction of the Improper Use of Magic, Weekly Prophet, and The Pensieve segments of the Podcast. Arguably, this is also the start of the not-so-topical 90's references that eventually evolves into the musical numbers that The Golden Threesome perform in later episodes.

Chapter 7 is entitled "Worship 2".

## Episode Summary

Snape makes sure that ALL the erogenous zones are covered (and arguably some that aren't even erogenous zones). Snape torments Hermione until she's begging for him to get down to business.

## Notable Moments

* Danny apparently forgot to mention that he got two of his Harry Potter books signed by J.K. Rowling as a kid!
* "Take me with you!" (*Danny, whispering to J.K. Rowling as a small child*)
* Allie makes tons of topical references such as Tricky Dick , Jingle All the Way , Season 5 of Scrubs, American Beauty and Bring it On.
* Danny gets SHUT DOWN on his pronounciation of Fleur Delacour.
* Ongoing Prefect's Bathroom debate resolved now that they've remembered the Goblet of Fire scene set in it.
* Snape: Frail, pale, covered in hair...but with sexy rugged, callused hands.
* The Golden Threesome incorrectly state Hermione is 20 repeatedly when she's actually 19. ("I'm *going to* *be* twenty years old this year.")
* Professor McGotItGoinOn reference.
* Out of Order sign means Snape was definitely pre-planning this.
* Dobby is granted freedom from the sock left on the doorknob during sexy times.
* Laughing jag/Gigglefest at 45 minutes of kissing line.
* "If you feel a burning sensation, you're got to get that checked out." ~ Danny
* "That's called chlamydia Hermione." ~ Allie
* Hermione's Crackling Crotch
* First contraceptive spell (but no condoms...STIs would still be a problem, no?)
* A mattress worth of towels, but they had to share a washcloth.
* Lyndsay still thinks that Snape is a vampire.
* Snape's Erogenous Zones Map reference. Lyndsay is not into armpit kissing, but when you've got 45 minutes to fill, you have to get creative!
* "Snape's a sex hipster." ~ Danny
* Vajazzling reference
* Hermione's vagina not only sings, it sings showtunes (Oklahoma!)
* Lyndsay's prayers for more ways to describe the female sex organs were answered: "*He was at the fruit, the apex of passion, the entrance to all bliss and he wasn't going to miss a drop of it."*
* "Musky" used to describe Hermione's secretions
* Hermione *may* be a squirter.
* "It's SquirTER, not squirTA" ~ Lyndsay
* Post-oral kissing and foreskin anatomy confusion.
* "I am just so ready for the insertion right now!" ~ Allie
* Poor Filch is being yelled at by McGonagall while all these bathroom shenanigans are happening.
House of Jasons' Documents

If you're part of the House of Jasons, this page is for you!

[**Click here**] for the link to our Google Doc. We'd love to know more about you, your house, your hopes, your dreams, your love life, etc. We want it all.

**[here] to** add songs to our Spotify playlist. Any song that you're currently loving and/or makes you think of the podcast, a current fanfic you're reading, or something you think we'd like—add it!
Lyndsay Rush

Lyndsay Rush lives in Chicago, IL, works in branding and is 1/3 of the Golden Threesome that hosts the Potterotica Podcast.

## Fun Facts About Lyndsay

* She loves Doritos so much that her dog's middle name is Dorito.
* Ron Weasley is her boo (she would for sure let him pick her up at the airport)
* Shares the otter patronus with Hermione because she's playful and curious and has a full set of whiskers. (His Huge...Honker)
* Turn-offs: washcloths (Worthy of Worship), the word "belly" (It's a Bathe Off), armpit kissing (45 Minutes of Kissing), people who watch The Big Bang Theory (Pen15 Pals)
* She is all about the sex logistics. You've got to paint her a mental picture...and perhaps draw a diagram.

## Hogwarts House Affiliation

Gryffindor (assumed, based on the shirt she was wearing at the Potterotica LIVE! event)

## Memorable Jokes, Gags, and References

* "CUH-CUH-CUH-CONSENT" *(delivered in a shock jock voice)*
* "Lyndsay prefers, 'Hey, Dorito-fingers!'" ~Danny, Two Happy Endings
* "Sorry for saying 'private parts'; there's nothing less horny for that. [...] My job is when things are getting too sexy is just to speak.[...] Is the throbbing in your loins gone now that I'm speaking?" ~Lyndsay, Worthy of Worship
* "Hermione, don't be a chump! Do what we all do and cry *after* sex." ~Lyndsay, An Open Relationship
* New Year, Eww... Me
* Sex Logistics
S08E03 - 'In the Mood' Ring

## 'In the Mood' Ring

This is the third episode of Season 8, and it completes chapter 2 of "He Who Must Not Be Disobeyed", which was co-written by two Potterotics, BrandonStrayne and Keep\_Calm\_And\_Expecto\_Patronum.

## Episode Summary

Albus is intrigued by the mysterious, dark stranger, but he may be getting in over his head.

## Notable Moments

* The hosts greet everyone with their sex club names.
	+ Danny tries to toughen up Giggles
* Danny didn't not not go to an Amsterdam sex club.
* The hosts theorize that you'd have to find a magical mask that shows off your best feature. Allie's would have eyebrow slits, or a surgical mask.
* Lyndsay accidentally says "single fingle" and Allie makes some quality jokes that she's very proud of.
* The hosts practice their growls.
* Lyndsay was reading, but Allie made up for it with lots of gasping.
* The hosts lose it when the Deathly Swallows makes an appearance in the story, and marvel at the interpretation of it.
	+ They decide that they want an interpretation that represents them: a pringle chip (and the 3 of them), headphones (also, boobs), and the microphone (also, a penis).
* Danny teaches the ladies what "watersports" are:
	+ “Those are goggles. This is like a boogie board!”

“...you guys have no idea what watersports are.”

* The hosts sing a Danny written cover of "Climb Every Mountain" from Sound of Music.

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Up (green)

Danny: Up (green)

Lyndsay: Started Up, but revised to Hoftie/yellow, because she's nervous about what's going to happen next.

## Potterotics Shout Outs

* Potterotic Anna's cover of Why Don't You Do Right from Who Framed Roger Rabbit is played.
Splooge vs. Spooge Debate

This joke originated in Season 3, Episode 1. Allie makes an off-handed comment about "spooging our pants" and Lyndsay immediately stops her to ask whether she said "splooge". Lyndsay and Danny insist that it should be "splooge". Danny jokes, "I don't know what happened in Detroit."

## Referenced In

* S03E01 - D!ck GIF: The debate begins
* Potterotica LIVE!: Le Threesome
Q12E01 - Bone Appétit

## Bone Appétit

Dave really captured the energy level of this episode with this image. They're both going to have to pee after all that water they consumed.

## Previous and Next

### Previous

S05E06 - Can You Zerophil the Love Tonight?

### Next

Q12E02 - Blow Your Carbo-load

This episode covers the first half of the story "Cedric Submissive" by PotterParadise16.

## Episode Summary

Cedric and Cho have dinner and hydrate copiously.

## Notable Moments

* The hosts name this pairing "Dang!"
* First sentence, and already the Ughorns make an appearance.
* Chang is going to break up with Cedric if he burns the pot roast.
* "Roger Davies" is the new "Roger that!"
* Lyndsay calls for a Harry Potter/Dawson's Creek crossover since Joey's last name was also Potter. Danny calls it "Dawson's Black Lake"
* Allie just keeps picturing Edward Cullen and expects Bella to bust in the door and break up with him for cheating.
* Danny gets the consent issues all sorted out.
* Garlic in the meal...so probably NOT a vampire (unless he's feeling suicidal)
* The Golden Threesome start to flesh out the Sisters Ughorn
* "He's pulling such a Harry right now, missing the whole point." ~ Lyndsay
* "Is that a breadstick, or are you just happy to see me?" ~ Allie
* Allie wonders whether Cho and Cedric have been receiving romantic advice from Bill and Fleur.
* PSA: No outfit is EVER "asking for it".
* Drinking game: Take a shot every time they take a drink of water.
* (A:) Nothing gets me hotter than talking about death. (L:) Who else is missing, daddy?
* Cho pulls the bend and snap to seduce Cedric
* "This is how the Diggorys do it. My mom always licks the sauce of of my lips." ~ Allie
* Danny jokes that all the plates are sliding off the table because Cedric's boner is tilting the table.
* "Look what I'm serving for dinner! Boner, with a side of boner!" ~ Allie
	+ "Pasta Bonergnes" ~ Lyndsay
* All the blood rushes to Cedric's cock like a "Diggory-doo"
* (L:) Anytime a guy makes me pasta, I'm like, "Fine, I'll take my top off." (D:) I still have three layers on underneath this, but sure, I'll take the top layer off.
* "The fact is, he blew it early by just having water out." ~ Danny

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Down

* In shock that they're behaving like this is their 2nd date and not their 2nd anniversary

Danny: Down

* Excited for next chapter

Lyndsay: Down

* But excited for what is to come

## Potterotics Shout Outs

* Ulrike sent in a song that was played to the Friends theme song
* Dave sent in his AllStar rewrite.
Keep-Calm-And-Expecto-Patronum

Keep\_Calm\_And\_Expecto\_Patronum is a beloved Potterotic and fanfiction author who is also one of the leaders of The Pen15 is Mightier, the spin-off FB group dedicated to writing.

NOTE: Her pen name has underscores, but those are not allowed in page titles, so they have been replaced with hyphens.

## Featured in

* Patreon Q2 - Features their story "Incendium".
* Season 8 - Features the story they co-wrote, "He Who Must Not Be Disobeyed"
* Patreon S8B1 - Features the one-shot they co-wrote that fits in with the Season 8 story, "Eros and Psyche"
The G0lden Sn4tch

The\_G0lden\_Sn4tch is the pseudonym for Laura Bell, who is a journalist working for Vice that took on the challenge of becoming a Harry Potter erotic fanfic writer as part of an article, entitled "My Quest to Become a Harry Potter Erotic Fanfic Writer". She contacted the Golden Threesome with questions about the process and they put her in touch with several potterotics who wrote themselves to help her with her quest. The story she produced was later read as Patreon Quickie 3.
S01E01 - His Huge...Honker

## His Huge...Honker

The very first episode, we meet 2/3 of the Golden Threesome (Danny was not a host yet), Allie and Lyndsay. They recount how they came across the wonderful world of Potterotica and what criteria they are using to select the fics for the pod. Lyndsay declares her loyalty to #TeamRon whereas Allie will go visit Sirius in Azkaban any day!

Season 1 is featuring a story by Ms Figg called In the Prefect's Bathroom.

Chapter 1 is entitled "Intruder",

## Episode Summary

Hermione is taking a relaxing soak in the Olympic sized swimming pool in the Prefects' luxury bathroom, when she's interrupted by a sinewy, pale Professor.

## Notable Moments

* "Noooo! I hope this goes, 'It's Professor Snape. He was just grabbing something and leaving'" ~Lyndsay
* Snape has a huge...honker (a nose! get your mind out of the gutter!)
	+ Gigglefit ensues
* Overuse of the word "spigot" and discovery that Allie might have a spigot kink.
* Unclear of Hermione's age, but agreement that we're all going to assume she's a legally consenting adult.
* Does Snape have cottage cheese ass?!
* Hermione is a Peeping Tomasina
* Ron can pick you up from the airport.
Patreon Q3E4 - Wet & Riled

## Wet & Riled

This episodes completes the story "Gin 'N' Juice" by The\_G0lden\_Sn4tch that was read for Patreon Quickie 3.

## Episode Summary

Ginny can't stop thinking about Cho and her Ravenclaw scarf getting nasty in the Prefect's Bathroom. Her thoughts turn into much more when she happens upon Ms. Chang in the locker room...

## Notable Moments

* The hosts discuss whether Polyjizz is just a brand of polyjuice, or whether it's made with pubes and that gives it special characteristics.
* Allie accidentally slips into an odd, perhaps Russian? accent. As you do.
* Allie wonders if there's some Inception level deception happening and Draco has been polyjizzing as Cho, polyjizzing as Ginny.
* Gasping Lyndsay
* Danny notes this is sort of reminiscent of the story where Ginny polyjuiced into Harry and provided him with dental advice to get a cavity checked.
* Allie's sneeze proves elusive and triggers a gigglefest.
* The hosts joke that Harry's at home, stuck to the bedsheet from masturbating as Draco so often. Perhaps that's where he got his mummy costume from Quickie 6.
* Allie relates a childhood memory of "shower diving" with her friend.

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Up

* Steamy, long sex scene.

 Danny: Up

* Wants to know what's going to happen.

 Lyndsay: Up

* So excited for them
The Nerdologues - Fanfiction February 6, Part 2

The Golden Threesome made a guest appearance on an episode of The Nerdologues entitled Fanfiction February 6, Part 2.

They read a brief sample of a story, but did not read a full story. They discussed how they got into doing the podcast, and how it has affected their lives and why they enjoy doing it.
Patreon Q3E2 - A Polyjuicy Deal

## A Polyjuicy Deal

This episodes continues the story "Gin 'N' Juice" by The\_G0lden\_Sn4tch that will be read for Patreon Quickie 3.

## Episode Summary

Ginny attempts to procure more Polyjizz Potion to appease her boyfriend's insatiable appetite, but Draco Malfoy knows a good business opportunity when he spots one and hikes up the price. Draco offers a "discounted" price if Ginny will agree to offer up a piece of herself for a new Polyjizz formula featuring herself, which ends up selling like hot cakes to one mysterious buyer.

## Notable Moments

* The hosts ruminate that there must be a Transfigurer's Anonymous group to help the poor, addicted wixen.
* Danny teaches Lyndsay and Allie new sexual lingo.
* "Per my last owl" is the passive aggressive wizarding correspondence phrase.
* The hosts marvel over the awkwardness and consent issues involved in the Polyjizz empire.
* Lyndsay comes out against binging and how it changes the experience when you don't have to wait for the next episode.
* Allie relates the story of how she dodged the Mary Kay bullet and made a lifelong friend.
* Barq's isn't the only one with bite...so does Cho.

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Up

* Love that Ginny is showing up Draco.

Danny: Up

* Up, but nervous. Hopes Cho isn't going to be cruel to Ginny.

Lyndsay: Up

* Excellent tension between Ginny and all the characters
New Year, Ewww...me / New Year Ewe Me

This is a joke that originated in Episode 1 of season 5. Lyndsay made the joke during the opening chat amongst the hosts describing how she had tried to make a joke "New Year, eww...me" earlier because she wasn't wearing a bra and wasn't looking her best. The joke did not land, but she decided to stick by it and later in Quickie 11 jokes that she is doubling down on it anyway.

Later, Potterotic Dave morphed the joke by envisioning it with a sheep (ewe) instead.

## Referenced In

* S05E01 - A Hellova Hangover (origin)
* Q11 - Brotherly Lovehorn
* S05E03 - Pen15 Pals
* S07E03 - HoliGay Inn

## Media and Downloads

* Wallpapers by Ulrike

Desktop wallpaper by UlrikeMobile Wallpaper by UlrikeMobile wallpaper by Ulrike
The Black Cloth

The black cloth is a joke that arose within season 2 of the podcast. The first appearance within the podcast was in Episode 3, when Malfoy is using it to stimulate and arouse Hermione from a distance and the hosts joke that this is sort of the wizarding equivalent of the sex toys that you can pair to smartphone apps. The hosts at this point are quite confused because this magical cloth seems to have come out of nowhere in the story. It is later realized that they actually are reading the chapters out of order and the black cloth was introduced in chapter 2 of the story, which had not yet been read on the podcast.

It is later revealed that the black cloth can be used to temporarily "numb" someone so that they do not feel sexual pleasure at the time and instead it accumulates. Once the black cloth is removed, the sexual satisfaction hits the person all at once.

## Referenced In

* S02E03 - A Field of Naked Malfoys - Origin on podcast, but not in story if read in the correct order.
* S02E08 - Sexpelliarmus - Origin in story
* S02E09 - T!ts for Tat
* Q02E01 - New Owl Who Dis?
* Q02E03 - Prolongus Ejaculus!
* S04E04 - Oversexed Underpants
* Q08E02 - Dela Dela Bills, Y'all
* Rear End Review
* Q11 - Brotherly Lovehorn
* S05E03 - Pen15 Pals
* S06E04 - Checkmates - Mentioned in one of the preDICKtions.
Lyndsay's Sex Logistics

Frequently in the sex scenes of stories, Lyndsay needs to stop the reader and have them clarify the exact movements of the characters so that she can create a clear mental image of the sexual gymnastics that is occurring.

## Referenced in

* Q01E02 - A Lap Dance for Hermione: repeatedly clarifies the choreography of Draco's striptease.
* S02E03 - A Field of Naked Malfoys: Just wants to clarify whether there is ceiling sex, or floor sex happening.
* S02E11 - He Who Must Not Be That Into You
* Q02E02 - Fire(crotch)whiskey - "I do need a graph. I need a graph." ~ Lyndsay
* S03E07 - The Boy Who Licked: Seemed stumped briefly by Draco's legs wrapping around Harry's neck.
* Potterotica LIVE!: Le Threesome
* S04E06 - When 3 Become 1: Allie and Danny join Lyndsay in trying to figure out the logistics of the Marauder threesome that is happening.
* Q09 - Wolfstar of David
* S05E02 - Shag Him Again, Darling: Works out the sequence of events that would be required for Draco and Harry to impregnate each other.
* Potterotica LIVE! @ ECCC: Think Inside Her Box - Lyndsay unwraps the mysteries behind wall sex.
* S06E05 - Rub-A-Dub One Out: The sex logistics extended to simple cuddling.
* S07E01: CAUTION: Grinding Starts Forest Fires - This time, it's Lyndsay explaining the sex logistics to Allie.
* S07E03 - HoliGay Inn
* S08E06 - Hung Like a...
* S08E07 - Chasti-tease Belt
Snape's silken pubes

In Season 1 we are treated to the delightful description of Snape's pubic hair. Originally described in Episode 3 as a "nest of silken black hair." It was pointed out that the previous two chapters had emphasized how coarse his hair is, so it is surprising that his pubic hair would be silken. The use of the word nest was also mentioned to invoke thoughts of Fantastic Beasts/Hagrid. This is a longstanding favourite Potterotics joke (especially the "silken" component) and inspired artwork by Rachel.

## Mentioned in

* S01E03 - Worthy of Worship (origin)
* S01E05 - You Don't Like BJs?!
* S02E01 - Love Potion No. 9 3/4
* Q06 - Happy Butthole-o-ween!
* Two Happy Endings
* S05E01 - A Hellova Hangover
Q13E02 - Catching Snitches Not Feelings

## Catching Snitches Not Feelings

Apparently full butt is too risque, so Dave had to trim this fine image down to just contain a hint of derriere

## Previous and Next

### Next

Q14 - Professor Cumbridge

In this episode, the hosts read approximately the second half of the story "Bet On It" by idreamofdraco.

## Episode Summary

There's more fireworks going off in Draco's quarters than at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.

## Notable Moments

* The hosts hope that there's no inappropriate teacher/student moments with Matilder. She just wants to learn!
* The hosts mess up the quickie song and there is a subsequent gigglefest.
* A lot of attitude problems can be forgiven if the bloke has top shelf booze.
* Bar Cart and Murphy bed Ughorns.
* Lyndsay's greatest dream in life is to have a bar cart (not really, but she just wanted one to impress one of the men she was courting in the past.)
* Slughorn whispering advice to Ginny: "Grab his butt. I've been doing it all night."
* Gasping Lyndsay
* "All aboard! First stop: Malfoy Manor. Emphasis on Man" ~ Danny
* Lyndsay and Allie come out as anti-Tazmanian Devil tattoos. Danny hopes this doesn't start another Big Bang Theory style controversy.
* "G-FLAT!" ~ Allie, impersonating Ginny singing while orgasming.
* Not sure if it is the story or Danny's reading, but Lyndsay and Allie seem too captivated to remember to make jokes and need to be reminded that this is a comedy podcast.
* Lyndsay proposes this needs a scale to measure how fantastic her orgasm is, the Erector Scale.
* Hosts joke Dobby is almost overly attentive, bringing a Plan B and a journal to record your feelings in in the morning.
	+ Ginny would think "Not again!" at the sight of the journal.
* "Happy St. Patrick's day! It would be a Seamus not to mention it." ~ Danny, in an Irish accent.
* Walk of Seamus: when you sleep with someone on St. Patrick's Day

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Up

* Through the roof

Danny: Up

* So hot and loved the tension and cool dungeon

Lyndsay: Up

* So great and so well done
S01E03 - Worthy of Worship

## Worthy of Worship

This episode marks the first appearance of future Golden Threesome member Danny Chapman, who appears as a guest host. Lyndsay proclaims that if there is no physical contact in this episode, she is DONE (fortunately she was kidding because there was no sex and she's still hosting)!

After the episode proper, there is approx. 4 minutes in which the Golden Threesome try Bertie Botts' Every Flavour Beans that Danny brought them. Proposed new flavours: coarse hair, belly, and used washcloth.

 Grass
 Green Apple
 Soap
 Soap
 Soap

Chapter 3 is entitled "Worthy of Worship"

## Episode Summary

Hermione gives Snape quite a show while she enjoys a luxurious swim and he worships her body from afar...and in a very loquacious way.

## Notable Moments

* Danny started reading the books when he was 9 and his body was changing.
* First introduction to "arse"; their Brit-centric vernacular continues to grow. No consensus achieved on a sexy word for that area.
* Coarse, sparse hair mention.
* Hermione makes getting out of a pool *sexy*
* Lyndsay proclaims washcloths to be the least sexy bath item.
* Danny boldly ignores the social mores that we all pretend there's no pee in the swimming pool. What happens in the pool, stays in the pool!
* Discussion around pee tracing spells/spells which magically purify the water of pee.
* New word learned: ablutions
* Discussion about erect nipples: "(D): Oh those, hardened tips. (A): Mmmmmm. (L): Guys love hardened tips. (A): Mmmmmm. (D): Just the tips. That's what that phrase means, right?"
* (L): How can there be wet AND water? (A): Unless *wet* is referring to something *entirely different (sexy voice).* (D): What do you mean? What would that be? (L): Yeah Allie, what? (A): I'm scared! I don't know! I was just making guesses guys!
* Lyndsay's repulsion of the word "belly" continues. Also washcloths.
* First mention of Vajazzling in the Harry Potter World and call out for names of establishments.
* Over-enunciation of the word "butTOck"
* Lyndsay bemoans the lack of fun adjectives for the female sexual organs.
* Consensus agrees that this whole scenario between Snape and Hermione is "not right" (dubious consent)
* Danny as Snape as religious preacher describing copulation
* The Hogwarts professors in bed:
	+ Snape: narrates everything
	+ Trelawney: chaotic and finishes in a second
	+ Sprout: reverse cowgirl
	+ McGonagall: swing girl
* Snape fangirls over Hermione's womb and puts WAY too much pressure on her to meet his expectations. Invokes biblical references, which is odd in an erotic fiction. This speech goes on for...quite some time.
* "Nothing is sexier than a semi hard penis!" ~Lyndsay
* Snape's silken pubic nest
* "If we could replay this whole thing back kind of quickly; she bathes, he flops his dick over...and that's it." ~Danny
* Allie is feeling it, Lyndsay and Danny are not.
* "(L): Thank youl Danny, did you have a good time? (D): I'm never leaving here. For all future episodes I'm just the guy heavy breathing in the background thinking about Hermione's belly."
* Homework: Come up with Magical Beauty Salon names and assign a sex position to every professor.
S04E04 - Oversexed Underpants

## Oversexed Underpants

The newest GrammaGram Product: Scourage Laundry Detergent. For all your \*ahem\* toughest stains.

## Previous and Next

### Next

S04E05 - Throuple Trouble

In this episode, the hosts continue to read "Slipping" by betta329.

## Episode Summary

Almost being caught by James isn't enough to cool the ardour of Sirius and Lily. Fortunately, James is on board for that idea and asks Sirius to step up and help him satisfy the sexually demanding witch with the help of some enchanted black undapants.

## Notable Moments

* Musical Parody: "Circle Jerk" cover of "Super Freak" by Rick James.
* Lyndsay blames Allie for their use of "dive in"
* New GrammaGram Product: Scourage laundry detergent.
* Lyndsay and Allie brag that Danny and Marco are their friends after an amazing camping trip they went on to celebrate Allie's birthday.
	+ Many bags of Doritos were eaten.
* Allie is "Mrs. Gigglyplanks"
* Gasping Lyndsay
* "That's how Cabbage Patch Kids are born: wizard sperm goes into the soil and then you get a Cabbage Patch Kid." ~ Lyndsay
* "A Garbage Pail Kid is when you shoot one off into a garbage dump." ~ Allie
* "And don't get us started on Strawberry Shortcake!" ~ Lyndsay
* The hosts joke there's so much HP erotica that they'll be doing this until they're 89, at which point they'll start a GrammaGram spin off "GrammaGrams Gone Wild"
* Burner owl makes an appearance, but since it's the 70's, it would be a rotary owl attached to a leash
* The hosts conjecture that the black underpants are actually a new incarnation of the infamous Black Cloth.
	+ "That is the worst hand-me-down ever! Your grandmother came in these!" ~ Lyndsay
* Lyndsay jokes that the Hamburger Helper man is inside the undapants. Allie imagines it as the hand from Borgin & Burkes. Eventually suggested it's the Arby's oven mitt singing, "Who's got the meats?"
* The hosts debate where we are on the consent spectrum with regards to these magically enchanted panties.
* Mention of her "crack" pulls Lyndsay out of the moment and her and Allie riff about unsexy descriptors until Danny reels them back in.

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Up

* Likes the underpants and bossy Sirius

Danny: Up

* Likes the James/Sirius scene

Lyndsay: Up

* Even more on board now that James is on board with Lily/Sirius

## Potterotics Shout Outs

* Danny shouts out some of his favourite posts from the FB group that week:
	+ Angela proposed a theory that McGonagall is actually Dr. Wanda Philatia.
	+ Carrie proposed that the invisibility cloak that Harry inherited must have had a LOT of...stains. \*wink wink\*
	+ Christian posted "If the lake is a rollin', don't come a strollin'"
Patreon S8B1 - Bathilda Moneyshot

## Bathilda Moneyshot

This Patreon only bonus episode features a supplemental one-shot that was written for season 8. It features the story "Eros and Psyche" which was written by two Potterotics: BrandonStrayne and Keep\_Calm\_And\_Expecto\_Patronum.

## Summary

While Albus was busy exploring what the sex club had to offer, Bathilda had important business to attend to.

## Relationship(s)

* Bathilda Bagshot/Hesper Gamp Black/Sirius Black II

## Notable Moments

* The hosts guess which room is Bathilda's favourite. Consensus seems to be the Pensieve room.
* The Pensieve room theory is immediately disproven.
* "It's a book club!" ~ Lyndsay
* "Said no one about a toga, ever." ~ Lyndsay
* The new dong handshake will involve a nipple tweak and a thrust.
* Not putting on knickers really cuts down on prep time for going out for the night.
* "That's my problem with dildos: no balls. I want the ball experience!" ~ Lyndsay
* Danny proposes that the "Vibratio" spell would also be good for making smoothies. Dildos and smoothies.
* Another Bobsled!
* "He looked like he might be 'tied up'" ~ Danny
* Gasping Lyndsay

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Green (Up)

* No specific reason given.

Danny: Green (Up)

* Loved the Sexwarts Express and that she's shopping around.

Lyndsay: Green (Up)

* So fun, loved the ending
S01E05 - "You Don't Like BJs?!"

## You Don't Like BJs?!

This chapter is entitled "Expectations".

## Episode Summary

We all breathe a sigh of relief that Hermione is 19 as Snape starts exploring the many parts of Hermione's body.

## Notable Moments

* Lyndsay laments the unconventional spelling of her name
* Allie's oil painting of herself riding an elephant
* Allie signs her names with little hearts...still.
* "Erotica doesn't always go the way you planned."
* Mention of Danny.
* "(L): I'll tell you my expectations for this chapter. That people better get naked. Well, they're already naked, but they better get on top of each other! (A): I expect some pube stroking."
* Silken pubes reference
* "If the first time they touch is him licking her temple, I'm outta here." ~ Lyndsay
* Origin of Snape's Erogenous Zones Map
* Belly reference
* Allie's very dramatic reading of Hermione's line
* Confirmation that Hermione is actually 19 and this story is set after the Battle of Hogwarts. One dubious consent issue resolved (power dynamic between student and teacher still an issue).
* Story of how Uber improved Lyndsay's dating life.
* "So Snape's erogenous zones are just temple, chin, and butthole?" ~ Lyndsay
* Emphasis on knuckle kissing
* Reminiscing about Home Improvement and Devon Sawa in Casper
* "With Snape's track record, he could shove it in your earhole" ~ Allie
* Clumsy baseball reference
Q02 - Need You Now

Quickie 2 covers the fic "Need You Know" by thewaterfalcon. This fic was the first story to ever receive three wands-up across all episodes.

## Summary

When Ron and Pansy, both feeling betrayed by their respective lovers, share their frustration and a bottle of Firewhiskey, things get rated H for horny.

*"It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now..."*

## Other Characters that Appear

* Harry Potter
* Draco Malfoy
* Hermione Granger

## Episodes

* Q02E01 - New Owl, Who Dis?
* Q02E02 - Fire(crotch)whiskey / BRA-lohomora!
* Q02E03 - Prolongus Ejaculus! / Prolongus Erectus
* Q02E04 - An Unexpected Foursome
* Q2: Meet The Author - thewaterfalcon

## Notable Jokes, Gags and References

* The birth of Plughorn (Episode 1, 2, 3)
* Lyndsay hates Allie's Ron voice (Episode 1, 3, 4)
* Burner Owls (Episode 1)
* New Owl, Hoo Dis? (Episode 1)
* Owls With Long Sexy Legs (Episode 1)
* Harry being clueless (Episode 1)
* Undapants! (Episode 1, 2)
* Gasping Lyndsay (Episode 1, 4)
* Dansy (Episode 1, 2, 3, 4)
* The Black Cloth (Episode 1, 3)
* Proposed new spell (Episode 1 - *drinkus shrinkus,* Episode 3 - magical tattoos, *Prolongus Erectus, Prolongus Ejaculus*)
* Ron Bashing (Episode 1, 3, 4)
* Lyndsay's Sex Logistics (Episode 2)
* The use of "wanton" frequently in fanfics (Episode 3)
* Tramp stamp (Episode 3, 4)
* "A different kettle of squids" (Episode 3)
* TECH HEX! (Episode 4)