Phil

### Locations

The Space Captains Club, PinkFrosting88-Mobile, a bathroom, some street, Space Tree's Ship, Big Asteroid, The ORIfice

### Characters (in order of appearance)

Space Tree, Ghost Spider (cameo), The Commander, Mee, Allon, The Christophers (cameo), Psycom (cameo), Pinkfrosting88, Freely McWheely (cameo), Forescore Jones (cameo), Allon's Uncle (cameo), The Stem (cameo), Kidnapper (cameo), Reginald, Black Kid (cameo), Purple Kid (cameo), SpeshDiv Robot (cameo), Wayne (cameo), Mee's Beard (cameo), The Mirage, Mirage Fairy, Principal (cameo), Tahoma Fresh (cameo), Female Space Tree (cameo), **Phil**, Detective Shoehorn, The Chief, Random McPerson

## Credits

### Credits

none

Philip Seymour Horseman is introduced as the narrator for this episode as he presents a collection of deleted scenes.

## Transcript

### Intro

*(begins with a montage of 3-4 frame clips of all(?) of the previous episodes, with an extra one depicting the Commander as a demon. Montage ends, and cuts to Phil)*

**Phil**: Hi, I'm Phil. I'm here tonight to present a collection of so called "deleted scenes" from some internet cartoon. You got a problem with that?

### Hair Gel

*(cut to Mee and Space Tree in the Captain's Club. Space Tree drinks a bottle of Beer, Mee has some other beverage, but seems to be asleep, Commander enters)*

**Commander**: Hey Meelord, can I borrow some of your hair gel?

**Mee**: *(gets up)* What did you just say?

**Commander**: I can't find any hair gel around here, so can I borrow some of yours? *(Space Tree exits)*

**Mee**: *(grabs the Commander by the collar of his shirt)* You listen to me, Commander! I don't use "hair gel", in fact, I don't even know what "hair gel" is and if I ever catch you spreading rumors that I do: I'll kill you.

**Commander**: It's just hair gel, it's nothing to be..

**Mee**: *(Grabs Commander closer)* I'll kill you. *(Pushes Commander away)* Did you just try to kiss me!?

**Commander**: No!

### The Italian Job

Squeeze!
*(cut to the PF88-Mobile)*

**Pinkfrosting88**: Well, that's why you're here, Allon, because you're the clever one.

**Reginald**: *(Reginald floats in)* Look, can we get on with this already? *(Allon gasps and Reginald directs to him)* What, did I scare you just now? Sneakin' up on you like that?

**Allon**: No, you just surprised me a little.

**Reginald**: Well, I didn't scare you then?

**Allon** No..

*(Reginald takes on a disturbing form and grasps Allon with his hand, see image)*

**Reginald**: Well, how about now, muthafucker!? *(Evil laugh. The image slowly zooms in on Reginald, and after some time of zooming, Reginald looks at the audience)*

*(cut to Phil, sitting in a Bathtub)*

**Phil**: Heh, funny stuff, huh? This next one features an appearance by Mee.. and me.

### Mee and Me

*(cut to some street, a fist punches Phil in the face)*

**Mee**: Well, well, looks like we meet again -- Phil!

**Phil**: I'm sorry sir, do I know you?

**Mee**: Oh, I think you do! My name is Mee Marone and I just wanted you to know that I've been waiting ten years to punch you in the face and it was totally worth it.

**Phil**: You've been waiting ten years to do that?

**Mee**: Hell yeah..

**Phil**: Well, I don't know who you are, but that's pretty pathetic.

*(Scene transitions back to the Captain's Club, to Space Tree and Mee drinking together)*

**Mee**: Can you believe he, Philip Horseman, called me pathetic? *(Mee proceeds to spit as he vocalizes his discontent, some spit lands on Space Tree)* Pshh, Pshhhh, shhh! That's what I say to that!

### The Mirage

*(cut to the Big Asteroid)*

**The Mirage**: Hey there, Space Tree. I am The Mirage..

**Space Tree**: Yeah, Yeah, I know..

**The Mirage**: Check this out, man!

*(The Mirage proceeds to split his abdomen and fairy-like creature resembling The Mirage flies out, music plays briefly)*

**Mirage Fairy**: I'm finally free, Space Tree, I'm finally free.. oowip!

*(Mirage Fairy flies into Space Tree's mouth)*

**Space Tree**: *(In the Mirage's voice)* Or am I?

*(Scene finishes and we return to Phil situated on a toilet)*

**Phil**: Uhhh, this next bit has nothing to do with Space Tree and really has no business being here. Kind of like myself. Oh, by the way, *(holds up an image)* the, uh, winner of tonight's limited edition Space Tree animation cell will be announced at the end of the show. So, stay tuned for that.

### Diet Tips

*(Scene opens to Crime Patrol: Unit B's Detective Shoehorn making a phone call to his chief)*

**Shoehorn**: This is detective Shoehorn.

**Chief**: Well, **DIC**tective, I've got a job for ya. Come see me in my **ORI**fice ASA.. *(Shoehorn appears at his desk)*

**Shoehorn**: You wanted to see me, Chief?

**Chief**: Whoa, God! Damn, give me a friggin' heart attack why don't cha!

**Shoehorn**: Well, you can hardly blame that on me, Chief. You eat about seven hundred cheeseburgers a day.

**Chief**: Hey, if I wanted to hear "diet tips", I'd call my wife.

**Shoehorn**: Yeah, so why did you call me here, Chief?

**Chief**: My wife has been kidnapped! The only evidence they left was this note...

*(Chief holds up note proclaiming, "YOU ARE SO FAT")*

**Chief**: ... written in blood.

*(Shoehorn licks note)*

**Shoehorn**: Tastes like crime to me: delicious crime!

**Chief**: I just don't know what I'll do without her, oh, detective, I just do not know! *(Chief begins to cry)*

**Shoehorn**: It's okay, Chief. I'm going to find her. *(holds up a sandwich)* Here's a sandwich.

### Invisible

*(Opens to Space Tree, holding some sort of gizmo labelled S.M., and the Commander walking in on Mee and Random McPerson smoking)*

**Space Tree**: Hey, what the hell is going on here? I've just run a diagnostic scan on the Science Machine and the toxic noxide levels are blinking through the roof-

**Mee**: *(cuts off Space Tree)* Blah blah blah. Shut up Space Tree. We're just smoking some of these new invisible smoke cigarettes.

**Space Tree**: Dammit Meelord, I already told you that this is a non-smoking ship!

*(Space Tree tears down the poster that says "Smokerz' Lounge")*

**Mee**: Space Tree, the smoke is invisible. You can't even smell it, so what the hell's your problem?

**Space Tree**: Well it doesn't-

**Mee**: Plus another great thing about this invisible smoke is if this were a cartoon, the fat lazy hack animating it wouldn't have to draw any smoke. But unfortunately this isn't a cartoon, Space Tree... this is real life. I just hope that one day... you'll be able to accept that.

**Space Tree**: Look, could you just take it out to the Space Balcony-

**Mee**: *(louder)* Perhaps you're not understanding me, Space Tree. IN-VI-SI-BLE.

*(Camera zooms in on Mee a little for each syllable in the word "invisible".)*

*(Mee then takes a draw on his cigarette and blows it in Space Tree's face)*

**Mee**: *(whispering)* Invisible.

**Commander**: Hey can I have one?

**Mee**: Sure you can man, the Smoker's Lounge is open to everybody.

*(Mee offers the box of cigarettes to the Commander, who takes one)*

**Mee**: It'll cost you a dollar by the way.

**Space Tree**: Don't drag him into this.

**Mee**: Hey you're not the boss of him, man.

**Commander**: *(with the cigarette in his mouth backwards)* Yeah, you're not the boss of me... man.

**Space Tree**: Don't you even realise that the space chemicals used to make the smoke invisible *(smoking pipe appears)* just makes them 500 percent more likely to cause invisible lung cancer?

**Mee**: Yeah Space Tree, that's what makes them taste so damn good.

*(Mee takes another draw and blows some invisible smoke)*

**Mee**: Ah, invisible.

**Space Tree**: Alright, I'll take two.

### Outro

*(Opens to Phil sitting in the Chief's office)*

**Phil**: So there you have it; that's the footage the internet didn't want you to see. I'll leave you tonight with some hilarious blooper footage. In this clip, a certain character's lines didn't come out the way they wanted to... be.

### Gag Reels

*(opens with Mee and Allon reciting lines for The Crown)*

**Allon**: Wait, I thought you *chose* to leave.

**Mee**: Yeah, I did, but I-um... uhhhh....

**Allon**: Ugh, god dammit, Marone, what the fuck! You can't get one f\*\*king line right?! JESUS CHRIST!

**Mee**: I'm sorry, I'll get it right next time.

**Allon**: Well, you fucking better get it right, or I'm gonna beat the s\*\*t outta you!

**Mee**: Okay, calm down!

**Allon**: (slaps Mee) DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!

**Mee**: Sorry, sir.

**Allon**: Okay, take two. *(A clapboard comes over and...uh...claps)* I thought that you *chose* to leave.

**Mee**: Uh, yeah, I chose to-ssss...um..somethi-

**Allon**: OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, MARONE, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!

## Easter Egg

* At the end, right click and select "Play" to briefly see a nonworking sort of scene select of the deleted scenes, shortly thereafter following a spinning Phil repeating "Hi, I'm Phil" over and over again (it gradually gets faster).
* As the loading screen mentions, there are hidden buttons on the lower right that allow you to jump around the toon.

## Fun Facts

* This is the first episode since Amanolla Family Reunion to require the viewer to push a play button to start the episode.
* All episodes following this one have the hidden chapter selection buttons mentioned at the loading screen.
* The picture Phil holds up during the end of the Mirage-scene, shows Allon and a Popeye-like Commander. You can see Allon blinking.
* The tattoo Phil has on his left shoulder at the end of 'The Italian Job' sketch reads "BF4L" which stands for "Best Friends For Life", a slogan best know to have been worn by the BF4L Kid.
* The name tag in the 'Diet Tips' sketch reads "The Chief" but in the same scene with Phil, it reads "Alan Rickman" Take 2

* The clapboard shown halfway through the "Gag Reels" segment identifies "A. Amanolla" (i.e., Allon) as the director, and the filming location as "In my pants." The Arms holding the clapboard also look similar to Allon's. It also says, in a section labelled "I LIKE BIG BUTTS," "AND I CANNOT LIE."
* The Commander actually DOES try to kiss Meelord. you can see for one frame the commander's head is moving forward toward Meelord's before he's pushed away. This, his comment in Clouds, the whole stem thing and his behavior towards ghost spider all suggest that the Commander is gay.

### Goofs

* Space Tree claims his ship to be a non-smoking area. However, both in this and In other episodes, he could be seen with a Smoking Pipe. On the other hand, it remains unclear if he has ever lighted it.

## References

* Philip Seymour Horseman has been a recurring entity, but his character first appeared in this episode.
* The sound at the beginning of the "Invisible" scene is the same sound used for the movements of the SpeshDiv Robot.
* The gong to change scenes has been used before, in Potato Farm.
* "I like big butts and I cannot lie" comes from the song Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-a-Lot.
* In the Scene with detective shoehorn, the phone is red, even though it is a black and white style. this is a reference to Sin City, in which it is black and white, but various objects and body parts are colored, such as blood, a red car, blonde hair, blue eyes, yellow skin, etc.