Alton's secret journal

**12-20-2020-Goblins in the mines**

Dear Journal,

I'm glad I have you to confide in as I have a terrible secret to confess that I must not speak to any living soul save for perhaps my beloved patron whose glimmering gaze would pierce my heart and see the truth of my shooken soul anyway. Today, while in the mines, we were clearing away those nasty goblins and I ...I was soo very hungry. We hadn't eaten all day and I had even made a delicious stew, but we had to drug it and use it as a trap on those damned goblins; so I didn't get to even taste it. And then, deep in the mines, I noticed something...different about one of the goblins. He wasn't quite like the others, this one was kind of plump in the right places with a much cleaner look about him than the others had. I dare say....I rather dread even to say....he looked....kind of.....succulent! I was immediately disgusted with myself and banished the thought as a mere trick of the brain caused by my hunger and the weariness of the battle in the mines.....

....

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....Until....Then, when the fighting was over and we scattered to search the goblin corpses to take their weird gold coins they store in their arms and any dwarven trinkets they might have stolen. Well..I couldn't stop myself. I was soo very very hungry and having already made a prime cut on the beasts arm to get his coin, I may have sliced off just the tiniest piece. I was so very careful not to let anyone else notice me do it. And I ....I tremble to say it, I put it in my mouth and tried of his flesh.

.......

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....And much to my horror and against my own internal screaming....IT TASTED SO VERY GOOD!!! In the raw even, it tasted of a wonderful meatiness and had the right amount of grease and blood to produce a fine warming mouth feel like a savory thick gravy wine. As I gnashed it against my teeth the tiny morsel burst with such an exotic and refined flavor much like a delectable beef tartare from a cow whose entire life was raised in contentment and comfort. I am so very very ashamed. Why did it have to be so good?!?! Why or why could it not have just been a putrid foul taste the likes I would have expected; then my one time lapse into this damnable hunger of mine would have been short lived. But now....now I fear that I have tasted of their Goblin flesh I will only hunger for more. I must keep this a secret from the others, they must not know of my culinary perversion nor that I pocketed a few more chunks into my salt pouch to eat again later. Goddess help me, I fear that I will need to eat more of these beasts and, even more, given what I have seen I fear these are much smarter Goblins than the ones we have back home. I fear that means this terrible forbidden meat is more cleaver than an average animal and that makes what I do both much more horrifying to understand as well as a steady supply much more difficult to obtain.

**12-20-2020-Fever Dreams**

I awoke in a fevered sweat with a strange huger in my belly. Thinking hard I could clearly remember my dream? No, not a dream It was a vision from my beloved patron unicorn. It started strangely for a second, the unicorn form that I had come to adore flashed away… and for a moment I thought I saw..something else, something with scales, multiple sets of wings, and a horn blazing with fire…But as soon as I blinked she was back to her pure-white beauty that I had known since I met her. Her deep blue eyes drew me in and she whispered: "You've done it. You've tasted the forbidden meat. And now you see the sweetness, the unspeakable pleasure that can come from it. Do not shy away, young Alton. This is what you were born to do. I told you to try new things, and try you must. We are on the hunt, you and I. The hunt for the most tempting and delectable dishes. It is said that wars have been fought over beauty, so why not over taste, eh? I'll tell you: because that taste simply hasn't been found yet… yet… You will continue to serve as my proxy in these foreign lands. For what you taste, I taste. And you will try it. ALL OF IT. Someday you will create the literal perfect meal. And on that day, you will be finely rewarded. But until then, try it, young Alton. Taste it all."

Once she had finished speaking, as if I had been shaken awake, I bolted upright and stared into the darkness of night seeking her form. Though I feared this new hunger might not be understood or accepted by the rest of my companions, I cannot deny it any longer. I was worried that I had failed her, but it was clear now that my patron has blessed this taste of Goblin flesh and assured me that I am in the right here. Still, I must make sure to keep this a secret from those who would not understand yet. Perhaps, perhaps I can appeal to some of the more ration members of the group. Surely to the rationally minded such as Egg, Goblins are seen as closer to livestock than people? With the ways they tried to trap and hunt her, she cannot bear anything but ill will to these monsters. Perhaps I could prepare such a wonderful meal of this Goblin flesh that it would bring Egg over to my side and ensure that my culinary deviance is not shunned but rather celebrated for the discovery that it is.

**1-26-2020 -I Must Feed Soon**

I'm sorry for not being more active journal, my mind has been pre-occupied as of late. We had a wonderful boxing day in the town and I had to all but grimace at the gift I received. A wonderful large pumpkin. Nothing wrong with it at all, in fact it was quite delicious. But the entire time I consumed it my mind was racing full on wonderful ways I could have cooked this with some tasty Goblin flesh. Pumpkin and goblin soup, roasted pumpkin pie with goblin bits, pumpkin hash with mixed goblin entrails, pumpkin souffle with shaved goblin, pumpkin sorbet with a goblin garnish, pumpkin bars with a goblin blood glaze, rolled goblin and pumpkin loaf, pumpkin tarts with a goblin filling, minced goblin with fresh roasted pumpkin seeds, goblin à la mode with a pumpkin garnish, seared ahi goblin flank with a side of pumpkin puree, goblin chutney featuring a hint of pumpkin for spice, goblin tartare with pumpkin on the side, roasted goblin tenderloin, fried goblin fingers, goblin meatballs, goblin kabobs, an amuse bouche of goblin heart lightly braised in goblin blood with a shaving of goblin liver and served in a pool of liquidized goblin bone marrow. I could go on, but you get the idea.

Every meal I eat, every bite I take, I remember that Goblin flesh and I have to have more. I heard the scouting party found the way to the goblin's castle. I volunteered for the 2nd wave, I'm sure I can sooth my hunger if I just have another bite and maybe sneak some home for leftovers.

**2-1-2020- I am a failure**

I have utterly failed my patron and a beg your forgiveness. In our recent battle with the Goblin forces I fought bravely among the sides of the others to defeat these weird bird like creatures and even took down some of the vial goblins, but alas I did not get to taste of their meat. I WAS SO CLOSE. We had one of the stinky dullards in our clutches and had taken him hostage in the vial pipes they used to move their wastes. I could smell his sweat flesh over the putrid odors of the pipes and I attempted to cut off an ear to nibble, but the tunnel was too small and I could not reach around to snatch it without alerting the others as to what I was doing. I thought for sure I would have another attempt to cut a piece off of this sub-sentient hostage when we had them safely back at camp, but it was not to be.

When we arrived out the other end of the pipe again our adventuring buddies had abandoned us! And we were surrounded by succulent Goblins including some very meaty looking savages who were clearly stronger than the rest (I do wonder if the larger ones they call hobgoblins taste any different). At the time we thought the others had fled back into the woods, perhaps to the mountain pass, but later I found out they had attempted to breach the main castle instead. Oh patron, I was so foolish! If we had only known I would have perhaps had a chance to fulfill my craving and yours. I would have gladly fought aside them to claim a taste of the goblins we were slaying. Instead, we tried to battle our way past the ones who surrounded us and flee to where we thought our friends were. I must say, dear patron, this next part was particularly hard for me to talk about. We battle these goblins and one of them threw me in ...a net. AND i...i .it brought back a flood of memories. Of when i was very little.. too little to know of the harshness of this world. Of when they raided my village and there were goblins among the raiders. Of that I am most sure as I will never forget their haunting taunts as they captured us; their ill little jabs and sharp rudimentary language. They killed almost everyone i knew, I saw the fires and smelled the burning as we tried to flea, but they caught us anyway and took me and my brothers away to sell at the slavers market....it was the last time I remember seeing my brothers and I was too young, too young to even recall properly their faces now. It has been too many years. And I know these are not the same Goblins, I know I have more power, but something about being in that net, something about their hideous mockery.....i....i just can't mistress. Their kind has taken so much from me and all I ask in return is to devour them.

And So I failed. I thought. I thought I would be more helpful and find those stronger than me to save the others....but...but they had not left. and my mistake...I'm sure it almost cost us so much. I failed myself, I failed my fellow adventures, and most importantly I failed you. I lacked the power I needed to defeat them, to crush them, to tear them apart and sup the marrow from their bones. And so I pray to you dear patron, dearest unicorn of the most benevolence. I pray to you to grace me with the power I need. The power to face my past and to crush these horrid creatures. I beseech you, give me the strength to feast on these miserable cattle. Let me be your light and wipe away this goblin blight from these lands. I pray to you, do with me as you see fit.

**2-12-2021- I Have Made a Friend**

At long last, my Patron answered my pleas and rewarded my devotion. For several days I have called to her and heard only a deafening silence. I took this to mean I needed to serve more penance for my failures and thus engaged in a form of self flagellation by making delicious foods, only to dull my sense of taste with a squirt of Blandt before consuming them. At long last, after days of forgoing any meaningful meal, I had a breakthrough. This morning I awoke refreshed and full of a bright energy I have come to know as belonging to her grace. I felt reinvigorated and found I had knowledge of ancient spells that I had not known before. Clearly my Patron had gifted me in the night with these new abilities as an answer to my pleas for the power to eradicate those terrible goblins and to serve her will in these lands.

However, it wasn't just new spells and a greater energy that she blessed me with, no, there was a much greater blessing in store. When I was cooking that day I felt a sort of tingling in my mind and my hands began to move as if on their own; was this the Mistress working through me? I was quick to study the movements and the ingredients and tried to fully embrace the feeling so I could copy the ritual again should I need to. She moved through me to mix various common looking items to make a rudimentary dough of sorts...but there was something more to it...something perhaps a bit more olden in it's creation. Through the mixing and the kneading I could feel her warmth as she moved the energy through me and into the concoction. Imbuing it not just with a hint of vanilla and spice, but also with the same energy that pulsed through my veins as well. When at last the dough had risen, we formed it into a shape, a sort of a little man like shape, but not quite a man. There were details added to it, candied eyes that seemed to shine a bit too much (I don't even remember having candy.. when did I make those? Had I been cooking in my sleep?) and wispy little spun sugar protruded from it's sides in a sort of wing like shape. I believe it was some kind of gingerbread man of sorts , but ...not quite any like I had made before.

We covered it and began to bake it over a small fire. As it cooked, I could feel her energy leave me. The abundance of overall warmth, the soft embrace of her power, had dissipated leaving only the general slight ember of her might that I usually feel. Perhaps a bit more lingered than usual, but I could tell she had reseeded. It was quiet for a bit and I started to doze off as the baking went on....then, suddenly I felt warm again, but not the same kind of warmth as before... no, this wasn't the warmth of my mistress, this was hot like flames lapping at my back, like I was being cooked. Oh God it hurt, I was burning alive, I was being cooked and all at once I needed to escape. I fell trapped by something, covering me...I panicked and went upwards...away from the heat, the fires...Then cool air greeted and cooled me quickly. I hovered there and looked at my surrounding....It was the town, the trees nearby, the fire below...and me.....I saw myself sitting there next to the fire only, how could that be I was me wasn't I? The me I could see was motionless, their eyes rolled back into their head showing only the whites. What was this? I hovered in closer to the other me's face. I reached out to touch it to see if I could pierce whatever illusion this clearly was....only.. my hands, the ones on the me that hovered...they were not my hands. They were a cookie. This terror swept my mind and I began to feel an invisible chain around my neck tighten as if something were pulling at me.

All at once I opened my eyes and I was back in my own body again. Staring at me, floating silently in the air with thin nearly invisible sugar wings was a gingerbread man the likes I had never seen before. Was I just in it's mind? Was I seeing what it saw? Surely this was no ordinary confection my mistress had us make. I could feel the bond between us and I'm sure it felt it too. I found myself over the next few hours playing with this creature for lack of a better word. It would do as I commanded, only....I didn't have to speak any words to it. It did things I didn't ask as well. It was clear to me that this creature was it's own person, it wasn't a puppet like the creature my unseen servant made, but it still listened to me and did my bidding. And I could feel it's whims as well. It had it's own deep hunger, but when I fed it the food vanished from it's mouth much in the same way my mistress would vanish my food offerings to her. Was this the connection? Was I to now feed this creature the foods for my mistress? Would this please her as well? It seemed so.

After a few hours of getting to know each other and beginning to understand what it was this creature could do, I realized I had yet to bestow a name upon it. I couldn't just keep calling it "creature" after all, we were more dignified than that. I handed him a sharp fork and thought on it. In this new world we would eat many strange and unusual things in our days ahead, so I called him after another great food adventure that I had known and thus gave him the name "Andrew Gingermin". Approvingly he nodded and seemed to like the name well. Together we would taste these of these lands and bring glory and new delights to our mistress.

**3-12-20**

Dear Journal. It has been a month since last I wrote in you. I think I have gotten over my sinful lust for goblin meat. We stormed their castle and got our revenge on the vile beasts and left many dead in our wake. The others turned an eye while I helped to dispose of the corpses and in doing do stashed away quite a few morsels for myself and let Gingermin snack on a whole legs worth to please my queen. I cooked and ate the foul meat to my hearts content, which it turns out was short lived. It was somewhat tasty I will admit, but even with the most delicate knife cuts and seasonings I had access to nothing was as good as that first bite. I think, maybe it was more the forbidden pleasure of eating what I was not supposed to eat or perhaps even just the new flavor itself that drove me to these feelings. Now that I've eaten quite a bit of it, it's just like any other normal meat to me now and I feel secure that I can keep the hunger in check. It's a good think too as one of our tougher explorers found and adopted a goblin child. This innocent creature has made me somewhat feel shamed for my wanton desire to feast upon it's kind.

I will do better.

**3-14-20**

We met some other living and eventually not hostile intelligent people yesterday; a bunch of Dwarfs who have lived in this place for generations. Sadly, their home has been overrun by these slimly frog monsters (side note, would not make for good frog legs as they burst into a bunch or worms when they die). As a result these poor people have lost access to whatever culinary history they had and the food these refugees eat is only mildly better than the Goblins. I'm sad journal, I was really hoping to uncover some new recipes and secret cooking techniques, but it looks like I will have to look elsewhere.

The dark hunger is under control. We encountered a couple of giant big like beasts feasting on a dead Dwarf and I only had for just a small moment even a twinge of curiosity for what made the Dwarf tasty enough that a big monster would hunt it. Instead, after helping to fell the beasts, I got to sample the big monster itself and while it was a little tough, it was good the way roast pork was back home. We also discovered another little kangaroo like animal that had it's own dipping sauce in it's pouch. A little unconventional, but a tasty treat none the less.

While all of these new creatures make for exciting new ingredients, I still hold out hope to learn new cuisine from some form of thriving civilization here. Imagine being the first person to discover a long forgotten technique of making sauce or method of cooking meat; something so profoundly unique and unheard of that it would elevate you to the height of the culinary fame. That is what my mistress wants of me, I am sure of it. That is why I am here and what I long to find.