recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
Marcus

**"***Breaking News!***"**
— **Marcuses Catchphrase**

Marcus infront of a greenscreen

## Personality

In Mark's first couple appearances, he appeared to be a normal and pretty laid-back guy, but in later videos, Marcus appears to grow spiteful towards Dylan and Craig for surviving every life-ending event that happens. In some cases, Marcus even pulls out a gun and threatens to kills Dylan and Craig himself.

## Trivia

* Despite having a very unwarranted hatred for Dylan and Craig, he too, also survives thee life-ending natural disasters.
Mark

*See Mark (disambiguation) for other related uses.*

**"***Out of aaaaaaallllllll the people in this classroom and you choose me to read? Well, Jonathan, I'm gonna choose you to be something aswell. I'mma choose you to be my first victim if you even know what victim means, you stupid *bitch****"**
— **Mark, to Jonathan**

## Appearances

### Appears in

When the Quiet Kid Starts Plotting
When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 3 (mentioned)
When the Teacher Calls on the Kid Who Can Barely Read
Darrell

**"***Thank you, Jim. Uh, we are live at the scene, uh, this is the wreckage behind me, uh, I-I-I'm here with Dylan, please tell me Dylan, how did you survive this?***"**
— **Darrell at the beginning of the video**

## Appearances

### Appears in

The Time My House Burned Down (Only Appearance)

### Debut

The Time My House Burned Down

Darrel is an interviewer and local resident of the town, ShittersVille.
DylanPranks

**"***Oy, what is up guys! It's DylanPranks, back with another video, today, while my friend was sleeping, I had a surgeon come in and amputate his legs!***"**
— **Dylan's Intro**

## Appearances

### Appears in

"It's just a prank bro"When YouTube Pranks Go Too Far

## Trivia

* In the video, *"It's just a prank bro",* Dylan has an unbearable British accent, but in *When YouTube pranks go to far,* the accent is gone.
Mr. K

**"***NEVER, in my EIGHT-HUNDRED SIXTY-FOUR years of teaching, have I had a class THIS bad that NINE subs in a row have written just equally horrific reports, YOU GUYS ARE ALMOST IN THE DOUBLE DIDGETS!***"**
— **Mr. K**

Mr. K is the teacher who appears in all 9 episodes of When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note.

## Mr. K

### Occupation

Teacher (Formerly)
Male Stripper (Currently)

## Appearances

### Appears in

When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note

## Personality

In the first couple videos, Mr. K appears to be relatively calm. In the later videos, he starts yelling at the beginning of the episodes and starts acting less chill.

## Trivia

* The only time Mr. K's name was mentioned was actually by Daniel at the end of the first video.
	+ What the 'K' in Mr. K stands for is unknown.
Adolf Hitler

**"***I am indeed an artist! Wow, I didn't realize my name was getting out there so fast!***"**
— **Hitler**

Adolf is an artist and nothing else.

## Adolph Hitler

### Aliases

Hitler
Adolph

## Appearances

### Appears in

The time I stopped World War 2 from happening

## Personality

Adolf appears to be very passionate about his drawings and loves it when people buy them. He even stated that he will become the best artist he can be. He appeared in the video where Mr beast time travels back in time to "screw up history" He meets past Hitler before he killed millions of people and he was a good guy and very persistent. Mr Beast offered him a million dollars if he continued to do art and he accepted his offer.
Joe Biden

**"***Oh, he did? Good to know, TELL PUTIN, that if he wants to invade, come invade and see what happens!***"**
— **Joe Biden**

Joe Biden is an old man who can't get up a flight of stairs.

### Aliases

Biden
President Biden
Joseph

## Personality

Joe Biden is ready to begin war when some 17 Year-Old named Dylan Zitkus makes up a story about Putin saying that his wife is a ho.
Jim

**"***Breaking News, m'koy? A house has just burned down in our great town of ShittersVille. There is only one survivor and his name is Dylan... the casualties include and older woman, believed to be his mother, a fine Africa-American gentleman by the name of Tyrese, and a slightly older man by the name of Uncle Willy...? Uhh... Live at the scene, we got Darrell. Darrel, please uhh... interview Dylan.***"**
— **Jim's entire lines of dialogue in**
The Time My House Burned Down

## Appearances

### Debut

The Time My House Burned Down

Jim was the original news reporter before Marcus replaced him after the first The Time I Survived video.

## Personality

Jim, from what we can see, is just a local news reporter who appears to do his job fairly well. Seeing as he only makes one appearance, the most we can tell about him is that he's a pretty chill guy who reports news stories.
Demarcus

**"***That is EXACTLY what they said when I blew up China in 7th grade, and look where we are now.***"**
— **Demarcus**

## Appearances

### Appears in

When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 3

### Debut

When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 3

Demarcus is a character who appears in When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 3.

## In-Video Appearances

In When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 3, the sub's note says that Demarcus stole the nuclear launch codes, brought them to his class, and it blew up the Dominican Republic from his classroom.
Ronald

**"*****Dylan's Mom**: Who is this?**Ronald**: This is Ronald!--*
***Dylan**: Umm, I thought you weren't supposed to use your real name?
**Ronald**: Oh, shit. Thanks kid. This is BRONALD, actually. My name is DEFINITELY not Ronald, I don't know who that is.****"***
— **Ronald's awkward phone call with Dylan's Mom**

## Ronald

Ronald talking to Dylan's Mom on the phone.

## Appearances

### Appears in

The time I got kidnapped (only appearance)
Marissa

**"***Sounds about right!***"**
— **Marissa**

Marissa is yet another student of Mr. K.

## Appearances

Marissa was stated on the sub's note to have, when [the sub] mispronounced her name, made a fake screenshot of him saying the n-word, and then his wife divorced him.

## Trivia

* It was said that Marissa made a fake SCREENSHOT of her sub saying the n-word, however, it is unknow how she made have done this, seeing as photos can't pick up sound.
	+ Something else about this that is mildly interesting is that it was a screenshot and not a picture. How she took a screenshot of real life is unknown.
Jamal

**"***He shouldn't have called my mom fat.***"**
— **Jamal**

* Part Three
* Part Four

**Jamal** is a character from Part 4 of the When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note series.

## In-Video Appearances

In When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 4, it is said that Jamal, while on his way to school, strangled his bus driver, took over the drivers seat, and then drove the bus through through the wall of his teacher's classroom and ran over Jaquarius.

In When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 5, it's stated that Jamal kidnapped the school nurses kids, then he forced them to give him some of their "magical ice", then when the class fell off of Jimmy's rigged amusement park ride, Jamal used the magical ice to revive them.
Jonathan

**"***I- I did, you're right. They- they were pissin' me off!***"**
— **Jonathan**

## Personality

Jonathan is shown to be not the best problem solver, seeing as how he gave half of his piers cancer because they were "pissing him off". He also isn't very good at reading.

## In-Video Appearances

Jonathan made an appearance in When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 2, in which it was stated that he had brought radio-active uranium to school and gave half of the class cancer.

Jonathon made another appearance in The Kid Who Takes Everything as an Insult, and takes everything that Dylan says to him as an insult.
Jeffrey Dick'N'Ballz

**"***As you know, this is the last day before winter break, and over winter break, you guys are gonna have a lot of free time, so I've assigned all you all to write a seventeen page paper, double spaced, about why two plus two ACTUALLY equals four***"**
— **Jeffrey Dick'N'Ballz,**
The Time my Teacher Tried to Give me Homework Over Winter Break

Jeffrey Dick'N'Ballz is a reoccurring character in Dylan Zitkus videos. He is a divorced 46 year-old teacher and usually just goes by Mr. Dick'N'Ballz.

### Aliases

Mr. Dick'N'Ballz
Dick'N'Ballz
Teacher

### Relatives

Unknown FatherFredrick Dick'N'Balls (possibly)

## Personality

Jeffrey Dick'N'Ballz is known to be a corrupt politician, who supports murder, beating up homeless people, and will even have sexual intercourse with your wife in front of you. Otherwise, Jeff is most notable for being a teacher at Dylan's school.

## Early Life

Very little is known about Jeffrey's early life, other than he had a father who left him, and a wife who *also* left him.

## Trivia

* Jeffrey, despite being a teacher, had also ran a political campaign.
* Jeffrey has been divorced three times.
	+ This is further supported when it is said a *second* time in the video *The Time my Teacher Tried to Give me Homework Over Winter Break*.
Emily

**"***Yeah, I did, and what about it?***"**
— **Emily**

Emily is another one of Mr. K's students. She briefly appears in Part Five of When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note.

## Personality

Emily is a student of Mr. K who appears to like Starbucks, seeing as on the way to the Amusement Park, she saw a Starbucks and decided to shoot the bus driver and hijack the bus, just so she could drive it to said Starbucks.
When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note

## Video

**When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note** • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 2 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 3 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 4 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 5 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 6 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 7 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 8 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 9 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 10
When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 4

The Thumbnail of Part Four

## Video

When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 2 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 3 • **When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 4** • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 5 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 6 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 7 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 8 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 9 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 10
The Time I Was The First One to Fall Asleep at a Sleepover

**"***Uh-I-I'm never going to one of those again-- I-I lost my innocence! I-it was good at first, but then I made the mistake of falling asleep first, I woke up, OUTSIDE, NAKED!-- With a CARROT UP MY ASS,... MUSTARD IN MY EARS,... and COVERED in a sticky substance I later identified as grape fruit juice,***"**
— **Dylan**

## The time I was the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover

Dylan discussing the contents of the sleepover
When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 2

Part Two's Thumbnail

## Video

When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note • **When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 2** • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 3 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 4 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 5 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 6 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 7 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 8 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 9 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 10
Vote with Your Feet (Summary)

Introduced by Double Bassist and House Band Gori Herman, Adam and Paula interview C.J Foster on the topic of marathons, and Dr.Nicholas Ducat on the topic of voting.

## 'Vote with Your Feet'

### Air date

November 2018

* After spending the better part of the introduction complaining about trash bags, Paula also brings up her exercise regime, which apparently includes taekwondo. (She has recently obtained her Paisely belt.) Adam suggests she either has no idea what she's doing, or has an extremely bad instructor.
* Subsequently, Paula and Adam interview marathon runner C.J Foster, to determine whether Paula could run a marathon. Paula summarizes his advice as follows:

> *"If you're thinking of running a marathon, first of all, you have to* believe *that you can. (Which, for me, means I have to hit my head on a rock and lose all reason.) You can do it though! You start with twenty minutes on Mondays, thirty minutes on Tuesdays, rest on Wednesdays, (A.K.A the best goddamn day of the week), and on Saturday you run three miles and then you build from there. It sounds like a lot, but you don't have to run the whole time: you can run for a minute, and take the bus for an hour! You also train with a thing called 'conversational' running, and the conversation is* so *fascinating: are you (gasp) inproned, or (pant) outproned?!"*
>
>

* Subsequently, Paula and Adam interview Doctor Nicholas Ducat on the topic of voting;

> *"Voters can read newspapers to inform themselves. Let me repeat that:* Voters *can read newspapers to inform themselves! Only 60% of Americans vote, even in the presidential election, and in the* midterms, *only 36%. So the* answer *to the question, 'what's* wrong *with us?!' is '40% of Americans suck during the presidential election, and 40% suck during the midterms!'"*
>
>
Pre-Holiday Spectacular! (Summary)

Introduced by the Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angles, (filling in as the House Band), Paula and Adam interview Robby Ellingson on the topic of Mountain Skiing, and Christian Hemenez on the topic of Christmas Lights.

## 'Pre-Holiday Spectacular!'

### Air date

December 2018

* Adam begins by revealing he has watched 'White Christmas' for the first time, to Paula's astonishment. While it initially seems that this will be a reversal of their usual Movie Review segment, (in which Paula consistently despises Adam's tastes in film), in that Paula seems to like the movie, and Adam cannot stand any part of the movie. Paula still winds up rambling for the majority of the introduction about the worrying lack of discussion between Bob Wallace, (Bing Crosby); and Betty Haynes, (Rosemary Clooney); which makes up the majority of the film's second half. Adam finds it confusing that Paula objects to this, given that she also enjoys sitcoms.
* Paula subsequently bans Jews from talking about 'White Christmas.' Adam, (who is Jewish), finds this mildly offensive, subsequently declares Hannukah to be a terrible holiday. Paula elaborates on a previous theory, (That the Virgin Mary's labor took an annoyingly long amount of time), to conclude that this is the reason for the '12 days' of Christmas.
* Paula and Adam interview the General manager of the Mt. Baldie Ski Resort, on the topic of managing a Ski resort, which Adam and Paula initially seem to assume is a celebrity sex resort. Paula summarizes his advice as follows:

> *"You know, I'm from Massachusetts, and if you're like me, at this time of the year, I miss snow! Fortunately, Mt. Baldie, which is only an hour and ten minutes from Ray Horseman Studios, is open year-round! They make snow with water and compressed air, and then they plow it out of the driveway! Snow groomers break up the snow that's been tamped down by the zipliners, and they have sex under the stars! Millennials, there's a career that kicks the shit out of Silicon Valley!"*
>
>

* Next, Paula and Adam interview expert-light stringer Christian Hemenez, on the topic of stringing lights.

> *"You have to be very patient to be a light hanger. It's best not to do it after work, which is hard if it's your job! People love old lights, because they're beautiful- Christian made a point of saying that! There's no shame in hiring a light hangar- let your hangar do it during the day, it's the best time to do it! And let's be honest, you're not fooling the neighbors, they know you don't make your children's clothes too! What are you, the Van Trapps?"*
>
>

* Adam reads some reviews for their podcast, many of which mention that Adam Felber is, in fact, present on every show. Paula makes Balloon animals of various Nobodies using a new (and somewhat noisy) Balloon Inflation device. Adam seems alarmed that Paula is actually twisting the Balloon into a shape, despite the fact that she has been doing so the entire time up until this point.
Wednesday (Cat)

One of several cats owned by Paula Poundstone. Wednesday is initially mentioned in Episode #3, in which her sudden turn of personality upon being taking to Paula's house is the purported reason for that week's Expert Guest. Adam Felber suggests Paula simply gets rid of Wednesday, which she vehemently refuses, in spite of spending some time detailing her cat's personality issues.

## Appearances

### Debut

Episode #3

* Wednesday is mentioned in passing to be a sibling to Theo, another cat owned by Paula Poundstone. Theo is conversely described as friendly and sociable.
* Paula also posits that Wednesday's personality issues may have to do with bullying on the part of other cats owned by Mrs. Poundstone.
When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 8

Thumbnail of When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 5

## Video

When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 2 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 3 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 4 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 5 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 6 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 7 • **When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 8** • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 9 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 10
When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 7

## Video

When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 2 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 3 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 4 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 5 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 6 • **When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 7** • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 8 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 9 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 10
Episode 1 (Summary)

Paula Poundstone & Adam Felber introduce their podcast, along with its premise. (That 'nobody listens to Paula Poundstone,' in spirt of her expert advice.)

## 'Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone' (Episode 1)

### Air date

July, 2018

* The episode begins with an interview of Expert Guest Mario Soto, (A Sports Psychologist), whose advise Paula summarizes as follows:

> *"Well thank you so much sports psychologist Mario Soto. If I understood stood your advice correctly, in anything you're trying to achieve, it's important to get out of your own way. Focus on what you're doing well. Use positive self-talk, (in other words, lie to yourself), and, most important, have your parents drive your opponents home!"*
>
>

* Following their first interview, Adam and Paula interview Grammarian Melissa Brandsel, whose advise Paula confusingly summarizes as follows:

> *"An apostrophe does not belong to a 'belongs to it.' A participle dangles in front because it's not connected to the rest of the sentence. And did Melissa Brandsel, our Grammarian, say, 'where my cookie?' (Question Mark), Close Quote, Question mark? If so, she's correct!"*
>
>

* The episode concludes with the first 'Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone Movie Review' segment, in which Paula and Adam review Mission Impossible 5: Rogue Nation; in order to determine whether their listeners should watch Mission Impossible 6: Fallout.
* Notably, the pair are able to interview two guests and complete an additional segment in well under an hour; unlike future episodes in which segments take substantially longer.
Tyrese

**"***Hell, **NAW**, you don't *have* me! If you guys are movin' to Wyomin', I'm gone! I'm not goin' to that BITCH! Adios!***"**
— ****Tyrese**, himself**

## Personality

Tyrese is described as *a big black man* who's always "wrestling" with Dylan's Mom. Despite Dylan not really liking Tyrese, he still says that he's a really nice guy, but still won't call him his stepdad.

## History

When Tyrese *ACTUALLY* makes his physical appearance, instead of being a *"big black man"* like he's described to be, he looks just like Dylan Zitkus, just as *everyone else* does, too.
Episode 2 (Summary)

Paula and Adam reveal their 'Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone' theme song contest, beginning the episode with a blues entry from listener (and this week's house band), Tim Freeman, on the guitar, followed by another Jewish polka duet by James Raymond and Ken Lazebnich.

## 'Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone' (Episode 2)

### Air date

July 2018

* Paula and Adam interview Dr.Johnathan Bowman, (a Professor of Communication), during which, in a rare moment of intelligent foresight, Paula unintentionally predicts the popularity and hazards of Zoom videoconferencing. Paula summarizes Dr.Bowman's advice as follows:

> *"Well, of course you have to talk to each other. Do stuff together. Stay real, but not too negative. Like: I had some bad fish tonight, but I like your bathroom, and, ‘don’t bother calling my sister!’"*
>
>

* Bonnie Burns is introduced for the first time when Paula goes on a lengthy passive aggressive tirade clearly directed at her.
* Subsequently, Paula and Adam interview Daron Bart, an auto mechanic recommended by Mr. Lazebnich. Paula summarizes Daron's advice as follows:

> *"So Daron, thank you so much, this was excellent advice, I'm sure! And if I have it straight, if I go to an auto-mechanic, I should say a nice hello, and ask the mechanic's name. Then I can head to the bathroom to move the pin on the map, and, if I really want a good deal, have Raymond Burago take my car in!"*
>
>

* This episode also establishes Poundstone's longstanding feud with Meryl Streep.
Anti-Fabricant Organization

**Anti-Fabricant Organization** (対 (たい) 人 (じん) 造 (ぞう) 人 (じん) 間 (げん) 組 (そ) 織 (しき) , *Tai Jin'zō Nin'gen Soshiki*?) is the main organization that is introduced in the series. The organization is divided in three sectors, the **Combatants**, **Non-combatants** and the **civilians**, which most likely making up the majority of the organization.

## The Sectors

Here are the following sectors the organization is divided into:

* **Combatant**

In order to keep the Fabricants in check, the Combatants are used. Depending on the star they are ranked with, they are most likely the ones who would engage in combat with Fabricants on the field and would even give their lives to take out a Fabricant. The five categories of combatants—from one-star rankers to five-star rankers—are broken down into which the combatants fall. *(See Combatant for detailed information)*
* **Non-combatants**

The non-combatant members are who oversee the Anti-Fabricant Organization's Mortsafe, according to how Luka describes them. Being designated as a "non-combatant," they are in charge of managing everything that goes on behind the scenes, including caring for and treating injured combatants who voluntarily give their lives to take down a Fabricant. They are also responsible for conducting the necessary investigations and locating Fabricants wherever they may hide. When they are found, they are probably the ones who inform the combatants, who are most likely to travel to the scene and engage the Fabricant nearby in combat.
* **Civilians**

The organization houses the civilians, who are most likely the victims of the heinous crimes Fabricants committed. They likely make up the bulk of the organization's membership.
## The Head

    Although it is still unclear to what exactly are the capabilities the young girl possesses, she is the one who is in charge of the organization's overall situation and the person who holds the most power. Luka cannot even dispute whether she has already approved or had planned out any strategies. The boss, a young girl, most likely the same age of Ashibi base on his calculation, is probably capable of luring people into becoming her puppets without them being aware that they are likely acting in accordance with what she is probably thinking.

One instances of this is the mission she gave to Ashibi and Fabricant 100 regarding the Roxy case. Roxy is a known person who would lure people to their deaths with her beautiful voice and face. She wants to fully control the power of the strongest fabricant, Fabricant 100, and is trying to convince Ashibi of the risks involved in treating a Fabricant like a human.
When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 3

Thumbnail of Part Three

## Video

When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 2 • **When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 3** • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 4 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 5 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 6 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 7 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 8 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 9 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 10
When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 6

The thumbnail of When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 6

## Video

When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 2 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 3 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 4 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 5 • **When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 6** • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 7 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 8 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 9 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 10
When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note (Series)

**"***NEVER in my 107 years of teaching, have I had a class this infinitesimally bad!***"**
— **Teacher,**
When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 5

**When the substitute leaves a note** is a series by Dylan Zitkus, in which a teacher reads off of a substitutes note that they left on the teacher's class.

## Characters

* Bart
* Daniel
* Demarcus
* Emily
* Jamal
* Jaquarius
* Jimmy
* Jonathan
* Marissa
* Mark
* Markus
* Matt
* Mr. K
* Sarah
* Tyrone
* Vanessa

## Videos

1. When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note
2. When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 2
3. When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 3
4. When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 4
5. When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 5
6. When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 6
7. When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 7
8. When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 8
9. When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 9
10. When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 10

When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 2 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 3 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 4 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 5 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 6 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 7 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 8 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 9 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 10
When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 9

Thumbnail of Part 9

## Video

When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 2 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 3 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 4 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 5 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 6 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 7 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 8 • **When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 9** • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 10
When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 5

The thumbnail of When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 5

## Video

When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 2 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 3 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 4 • **When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 5** • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 6 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 7 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 8 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 9 • When The Substitute Teacher Leaves a Note Part 10
French Trump

Appearing without any warning whatsoever in the early days of the Podcast; the exact origins of this reoccurring character, (and his relation, if any, to former American President Donald J. Trump), are unclear. While French Trump resembles Former American President Donald J. Trump in most other respects, he possesses a thick French Accent, and is allegedly French, making his apparent position as President of the United States confusing at best. French Trump interrupts the podcast seemingly at random in early episodes, and eventually receives his own mini-podcast, the "French Trump Weekly Press Conference," in which French Trump responds to various members of the press.

* Adam Felber repeatedly expresses confusion at French Trump's appearances, even after said appearances become a regular fixture of the show before receiving his own mini-podcast.
* It is unclear how French Trump would have got on with Senator Bernie Sanders, a future frequent guest of the show. Some Nobodies theorize the two are one and the same.
* French Trump performs a weekly Press Conference every week; ending on January 22 2021; in which, apparently ousted from office, gives a press conference to various random bystanders in front of the Gator Christian Church off the I-95 in Florida, for his first (and last) press conference after leaving office. He is never heard from again, and is presumed dead.
Ken Lazebnich

A perpetually absentee member of the cast, Ken Lazebnich is responsible for writing the introductions to the podcast. He also briefly writes a disturbing narrative travel segment, ('Ken Lazebnich's America,') and is appointed president of the 'Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone' book club, despite never being present for their mettings.

## Appearances

### Debut

Episode #4

* Ken Lazebnich's son, Ben Lazebnich, at one point serves as a Podcast Security Guard for the cast, offering some semblance of protection from the various dangers of Miranda Street in early episodes of the show.
Trader Joe's Employee

**"***Um, I'm sorry, but we don't sell *"horse meat"*, here, um, I didn't even know that was something people ate, if you you want horse meat, uh, go, go hunt a horse or somethin'***"**
— **Trader Joe's Employee**

## Appearances

### Appears in

The time the quiet kid went to a grocery store

### Debut

The time the quiet kid went to a grocery store
Wiki The Serpent Wars Series

**Bienvenue sur le Wiki The Serpent Wars Series !**
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Cold Open

A little-known show business term that refers to an introductory section of the show, in which the cast provides a brief and concise introduction in the form of a short sketch or clever attention-grabbing vignette. The Cast of Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone instead use this segment to ramble for upwards of half an hour at the start of every episode, in a manner fairly indistinguishable from the rest of the show.

* The Cold Open debuted somewhere around episode #180, and was initially more akin to a traditional Cold Open, but, like much of the podcast, seemingly began to rapidly deteriorate with the introduction of Bonnie Burns, who quickly became bored with it, and asked that they stop doing one.
* Once Bonnie Burns foreswore Cold Opens after not even a dozen installments; the cast collectively agreed to stop doing them, and then persisted in doing so anyways in an effort to improve upon their previous Cold Opens. Paula believes the key to a cold open is an attention-getting 'grabber' to hook the listeners, and frequently spends some time elaborating on this topic.
* In order to grab the attention of listeners in later episodes, Paula Poundstone frequently deals herself severe bodily harm during the Cold Open. While Adam has often pointed out that the attention of listeners could just as easily be grabbed without near death experiences on the part of his cohost, Paula has persisted, dropping an anvil on herself, designing a Rube Goldberg machine to launch a ten pound lead orb into her face, nearly being pecked to death by a swarm of angry birds, attempting to recreate a scene from *Flash Dance* using a shark tank and a vocal track from Bonnie Burns, repeatedly having her left leg gnawed off by various savage beasts, and other similarly troubling incidents that can frequently cause issues during for the Podcast.
Neatness and (Body) Counts! (Summary)

Introduced by Tuba player and House Band Doug Tournquist, Adam and Paula interview neatness expert Lily Petit, and review the original 'Predator' movie to determine whether listeners should watch the sequel.

## 'Neatness and (Body) Counts'

### Air date

September 2018

* Paula and Adam address wild accusations that they have been using canned laughter by properly introducing their fellow cast members, (Bonnie Burns, Toni Anita Hull, hired muscle Jonah Glickman, their Expert Guest, and Ray Horsemen, engineer of Ray Horseman Studios), all of whom are purportedly crammed into the famously diminutive recording studio.
* Paula reveals she is now making a grand total of 12 cents an hour, from the combined income of her podcast, (which nobody listens to), comedy career, and famous Tripoly Blend T-Shirts. However, given her cabinet's apparent ability to reproduce commemorative coffee mugs, she should at least have a more reliable source of income.
* Adam relates an incident in which he was apparently kidnapped, imprisoned, and experimented on by people in an ambulance disguised as ice cream vendors. This may begin to offer some insight into his state of mind throughout the podcase.
* Following an interview on neatness, Paula summarizes Expert Guest Lily Petit's advice as follows

> *"The clutter that most people have is just delayed decision making. When something comes into your house, decide* quickly *if you need it, and that includes* *guests. Spend thirty minutes each week going through your desk. Sundays are a good day, and, if you're supposed to be in church, uh... tell them you forgot to plan it. Organizing is all about letting go. Get rid of your kid's art before they even create it! In fact, don't even buy them crayons! And if you do, store them vertically."*
>
>

* Paula and Adam conclude by reviewing the original 'Predator' movie, which Paula does not like.
Episode 3 (Summary)

Beginning the show with a trumpet fanfare from House Band Steve Bilington, Paula advises listeners to keep an informative packet in their glove box in the event of the frequent car accidents she is apparently involved in. Adam reveals he was assaulted by an angry bottle-wielding ruffian, who is later revealed to have been paid by Paula Poundstone.

## 'Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone' (Episode 3)

### Air date

July 2018

* Paula interviews Audiologist Dr.Michael Sherman, summarizing her advice as follows:

> *"If you've got gondoliers in your ear canal, get 'em out of there! Nothing should go in your ear canals! If you've read the fine print on your Q-Tip box, you'll see that sticking them in your ears was the furthest thing from the Q-Tip inventor's mind. And, coming from a professional, 'Hey, you have a lot of earwax in your left ear canal,' is so complimentary as to almost be a mating call!"*
>
>

* Subsequently, Paula and Adam interview Cat-Expert Leslie Weiss, whose advice Paula summarizes as follows:

> *"My Cat Wednesday may be being bullied by another cat, who calls her names like 'Low Energy Wednesday,' 'Pocahontas,' and 'Lyin' Wends.' She may need me to put on an addition to my house, with a big-screen TV, and a walk-in bathtub, which isn't going to happen! Cats maintain some amount of their wild survivor instincts. Many stockpile weapons. Feral cats should be trapped, nutered, released, and given an REI rewards card!"*
>
>
Mrs. Culpepper

An esteemed Southern Gentry hand puppet introduced in the early days of the podcast, Mrs. Culpepper is a somewhat sparodic but consistent part of the show, often interrupting Adam Felber to offer her sage advice on various matters. She speaks in a distinctly flustered southern drawl, and never goes anywhere without her famous Ruby Satin Gown.

## Appearances

### Debut

Episode #27

* Conversations with Mrs.Culpepper almost invariably wind up on the subject of the death of her late husband, (Captain Culpepper), a famous general who died of Thyrotoxism. (A poisoning by cheese or other dairy product.) Adam Felber is seemingly incapable of remembering the tragic death of Captain Culpepper, or the circumstances under which it occurred, forcing Mrs.Culpepper to correct him with her signature catchphrase, "It was the Gouda that got 'em!"
* Captain Culpepper purportedly died after eating a poisonous piece of gouda during a ball held by Mrs.Culpepper. While she rarely elaborates on the exact circumstances behind his death, it is in some instances implied that Mrs.Culpepper may have played some part in this tragic event. She frequently states that she feels better without the Captain around.
* Captain Culpepper apparently fought alongside Captain Crinkle, (it's not clear in what conflict), but was constantly infuriated by her noisiness giving their position away to the enemy.
* In Episode #225, The Ghost of Benjamin Franklin informs the cast that he has, in fact, met Captain Culpepper in the afterlife, and that the Captain himself claims to have died honorably in battle, confusing Mrs.Culpepper, and offering further questions about their relationship.
* While Mrs.Culpepper is initially referred to as a 'sockless hand puppet,' the exact nature of her existence is unclear, and likely a source of anxiety to the generally flustered old lady, who frequently expresses annoyance when Cast members question the premise of her being a part of the show.
Michael Boomboombonavich

A regular guest on the show following his role in the infamous 'Hundredth Caller Contest,' Michael regularly calls Adam Felber in the middle of the podcast to offer profanity-laden advice to the cohost. His calls frequently end with him reffering to Paula Poundstone as a 'b\*\*\*\*,' which Adam seems to take particular offense with.

## Appearances

### Debut

Around Episode #50

* While Michael is initially suggested to be an auto mechanic, his role in the Hundredth Caller contest apparently offered him enough fame to become a social media influencer. In subsequent episodes, Michael frequently goes on at length about his influencing endeavors.
* Strangely, Paula Poundstone rarely, if ever, takes offense at Mike's foul language and defamatory references to her, and, conversely, frequently criticizes Adam for being to harsh on him.
* Michael and Adam Felber apparently have a relationship that predates the podcast, with Michael often suggesting that he and Adam ought to 'hang out after the game.' (He originally enters the Hundredth caller contest because he takes offense at anyone else winning the prize, which includes a chance to hang out after the game with Adam Felber.) Despite this apparent history, Adam frequently pretends to be confused by Michael's suggesting, vehemently denying that they even know each other. Many speculate some dark backstory exists between the two.
* In episode #193; Michael reveals he accidentally cut off his thumb with a portable table saw while making a video, and canonically has four fingers for the remainder of the show. This has apparently entirely ruined his hand puppet career.
When Rappers Snitch On Themselves

**"***I saw an old lady trynna by a PS5, so I took it outta her hands, and punched her in the eye!***"**
— **Rapper Guy**

## Video

**When Rappers Snitch On Themselves** is the *current* first video on Dylan's YouTube Channel.

## Trivia

* Despite being the *current* first video on Dylan's channel, the *original* first video was a video with the title, My Best TikToks Part 1.
* This video was uploaded to Dylan's YouTube Channel on April Fool's Day
The Poundstone Effect

Over the course of Paula Poundstone's Podcast, many listeners have observed a curious phenomenon: Since its debut in 2018, the podcast has consistently increased in length. Where the first few episodes rarely clock in at more than an hour, more recent installments in the series are regularly longer than two hours- a dramatic, 100% increase in the runtime of the show. A thorough analysis of episodes #1 through #225 has, at least to some extent, revealed the true nature of what has become colloquially known as 'The Poundstone Effect:'

As the above charts demonstrate, 'Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone' observed a dramatic increase in length during its first 50 episodes; followed by a minor downturn, which was followed in turn by a period of relative stability, accompanied by a more gradual increase in duration. This phenomenon is known as 'The Poundstone Effect,' due to the increasing length bearing a similarity of the increasing duration of Poundstone's digressions the longer she dwells on a topic. There are a couple running theories and points of note regarding this trend:

* Outliers, (primarily Movie Review episodes and compilations), were excluded from the dataset, though these *also* observe an increase in duration within their own subsets.)
* The noticeable uptick in run time does not necessarily have to do with more segments, or the eventual cancellation of the Cold Open in later episodes. While later episodes gradually introduce new segments to the show, the *number* of segments in any given episode is generally the same. In earlier episodes, Paula and Adam are even able to get through two guest interviews, in addition to other segments and lengthy introductions.
* However, the initial increase in runtime *does* coincide with the introduction of Bonnie Burns and Tony Anita Hull as speaking roles in the show. Further research is required to determine exactly when these initial debuts occur, though it seems safe to say Captain Crinkle in particular may be at least partly responsible for this effect.
* Further backing up this claim, some of the longest episodes on record are those in which Bonnie Burns is allowed to go on a lengthy digression. (Such as in the infamous earbud incident of 2018.) In many cases, this actually results in the *cancellation* of additional segments, while still increasing the episode runtime well past the average.
* Other notable decreases in runtime appear to coincide with the vacations, evictions, (and kidnapping) of Toni Anita Hull, which tends to produce a decrease in runtime of anywhere from 10-20 minutes. Recent episodes also show an increasingly erratic runtime, with the variance of duration increasing as well. Further research is required to document this trend.
Winnie Rose Fiedman

First introduced in the Hunderedth Caller Contest, Winnie Fiedman is determined to win the contest in order to hang out after the game with Adam Felber, on whom she has an intense and problematic crush. Winnie lives with her mother, and is among the podcast's less emotionally stable callers, frequently bursting into tears before finishing a conversation.

## Appearances

### Debut

Around Episode #50

* Early on in their relationship, Winnie changes her middle name to 'Rose,' assuming this to be Adam Felber's favorite flower. Adam finds this highly concerning.
* Around Episode #70, Winnie mails a crockpot to Adam Felber. It is later revealed that this crockpot belonged to her mother, who is extremely angry at Adam for refusing to return it to her. Adam continuously denies having ever received the crockpot rather than confessing his theft, further aggravating the situation.
* Winnie becomes extremely upset whenever Adam Felber points out that he is, in fact, married, occasionally just calling in to sob at length before hanging up.
* During the Pandemic, Winnie plans to conduct a Broadway performance of A.G Gurney's 'Love Letters' at the Hershel Bernardi Theatre, with Adam Felber. Adam refuses to take part in this, only to discover that Winnie has apparently already gotten him into a legally binding contract, and is threatening to sue. Winnie is apparently sued in turn for copyright infringement, and decides to instead write an even more explicit text-message based knock-off of Love Letters, entitled 'Love Texts,' which she frequently forces Adam to read roles for.
* Near the end of the Hundredth Caller Contest, Winnie lights several hundred candles around her home in a romantic gesture to Adam Felber, accidentally lightning her house on fire, and nearly killing Winnie's mother, furthering her hatred of Adam Felber.
Miranda Street

The famously crime-ridden and disaster prone neighborhood inhabited by the cast of 'Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone' during their earlier episodes, the dangers of Miranda Street are a common topic of complaint for Paula and her cohost.

## Miranda Street

### Inhabitants

Paula & Company; Various disreputable persons; Bears (Presumably)

* Miranda Street is the neighborhood in which the initial recording studio for the podcast, (Ray Horseman Studios), is located.
* Miranda Street is noted to have an unusual number of mattresses, which Paula describes to simply be lying out in the open. Both Paula and Adam find this confusing, given that the mattresses seem to change on a regular basis, and seem to greatly outnumber the actual inhabitants of Miranda Street.
* In Episode #4, it is revealed that Miranda Street may also have issues with bear infestation, given the mysterious disappearance of Expert Guest Thomas Coine, who was supposed to be interviewed on survival tecniques for bear attacks on said episode.
* In Episode #11, Paula speculates that the number of car accidents on Miranda Street may have something to do with the mattresses constantly scattered around the place, suggesting that they only see the mattresses *after* they've landed, having been thrown out windows by sexually satisfied couples.