The History of the McLad Universe

#### \***NOTICE:** This article is still in progress, and, as such, it is rather large and will take a little bit more time to flesh out, as there are several lads that are creating the lore together.

 In the beginning, there was nothing. Various deities, like The Penis God and the Vagina God fought for ultimate power. In one battle, The Great one and the Vagina God accidentally created something; The world (Larth). The plane of existance which Larth was created within is called Capra Hircus, which is the universe where everything takes place in Rikordpedia. Within universe there are more planets, one notable being Urgazovf, the home realm of Algazzor and the Vagina God. This happened when the Great One accidentally inpregnated the Vagina God with his manly spirit, and then she gave birth to the world. McLads believe there is only one hell, and that is the hell they are living in now, Larth, created out of endless fighting and struggle. For more information on the subject of the creation and the spiritual history of Capra Hircus, please go to this article for more information.

Since the creation, the two forces have been fighting there, with the McLads (and other lads such as those of the Ladanate and Mon Islands ) representing The Penis God, and the Cultists representing the Vagina God. This primitive fighting has been going on forever, but, in recent years, it has taken lots of twists and turns.

Through the creation, the two genders of the first people were born. The females and the males. Although different, and one representing one god and one the other, they found peace and love together.

## Early Wars

After the creation of the first people, it did not take long before the first lads/Great One worshippers and Vagina God cultists were born. The Great One, who could not create his own troops since he could not give birth, converted the people born out of their creation; the first lads and Goatmen. The Vagina God, whom could give birth to evils, although not with the seed of the Great One but with the seed of her sidekick, Algazzor, created massive armies of Algazzor birdspirits to fight their wars. Although converts to Vagina Godism were uncommon, there were still large amounts of humans who converted. They were (and still are) referred to simply as "Cultists" in the tongue of McLads.

Algazzor himself, the father of all Algazzor minor birdspirits himself died in the battle of Mon Islands, but his legend lives on. It is said that all Algazzors created share a part of his soul and that the minor birdspirits specifically target the Mon Islands in hope of resurrecting his ghost that resides there. Although dead, Algazzor's ghost brings terror upon the Monic people of the Mon Islands, and stories of him still remain to this day.

The human leader of the Vagina God at this time was Solrac, a mythic hero still worshipped by cultists across the known world. The day of celebration in his name is called Solrac Day. The three heroes of the Great One were Vidav, Norgan and Whetham - all of them have now reached Goast spiritual level. Quordom is also a major Goast hero, although he is not part of the trio.

## Second coming of the Vagina God

After the first great war, 3000 years before the birth of Rikord, the Vagina God was forced to retreat to Urgazovf as her material body had been destroyed. She used various Arsifacts to communicate with humans and convert
them while slowly breeding an army of Algazzors in the uninhabitable land of Crisuran. Thanks to the Arsifacts, one being THE Arsifact, the one that turns you into King Arse, she was able to convert a mercenary called the The Thin White Duke. The Thin White Duke happened to be working for the McLads when he was converted, and with him and his band of mercenaries, it eventually led to the destruction of most of the Clan McLad. However, The Thin White Duke was discovered by Lonos McLad after Lonos found him using the Arsifact.

### Goat Manor Bloodbath

With the Arsifact, The Thin White Duke turned into the King Arse and betrayed them from the inside during the Goat Manor bloodbath. When the army of combined forces of, Lowlanders, Cultists, and some Vigonian raiders marched on Goat Manor, The Thin White Duke Guard betrayed the McLads from inside and killed Thurbald and most McLad members. Turenne Mourbont, one of the mercenaries, captured one of the wisest members of the clan, Ongus. Ongus was tortured for years until his rescue by Rikord twenty-one years later. By then, Ongus had already lost his mind. Although patriotic, he was completely insane. His memories however held the key to many mysteries surrounding the Vagina God and Great One.

One of the survivors of the bloodbath was Iroulf, a former member of the
Thin White Duke Guard, later known as the King Arse Guard. He was also a
mercenary from Chedmark. During the bloodbath he realized the White Dukes true
nature and stopped following him. He later found a common goal against King
Arse with Helmic and they together searched through all of the Highlands to
find the last heir to the throne. After finding him, he assisted Loslie and Rikord in the rebellion and to re-take Goat Manor after the bloodbath.

During the bloodbath, Rikord had to witness the death of his father by the hands of King Arse while he was being held on the top of a wall by nobody else, but Turk. Turk, while not technically a part of the King Arse Guard but loyal to King Arse himself, pushed Rikord down the wall into the snow to give him a chance to escape. Loslie was told by Thurbald to protect Rikord. Turk pushed Rikord down a wall in an attempt to save him, so Loslie rode out to save Rikord and bring him to safety. Some may wonder why Rikord hated Turk even though Turk saved his life, but it is simple. Turk smashed his mother's head in with a warhammer in his own playroom.

## Post-Bloodbath

Loslie took Rikord to safety, namely a small unnamed island chain north of isle of lad that Thurbald had discovered some years earlier. It was later named Thurbalds Tomb, after Loslie buried his beard and penis there. It is there Rikord spent most of his childhood after the bloodbath. Meanwhile Helmic, the last member of an old and powerful house that is said to have originated from one of the earliest lads, returned to the Highlands after studying the arts of war several years abroad. He was terrified of what the King Arse had done to the once masculine highlands, and even though he had strongly criticized Thurbald's reign he realized that this was the worst possible scenario. He eventually overheard a rumor that the last chieftain was still alive and after meeting Iroulf in a tavern in Scarecrows end they decided to find Rikord. After searching all over the highlands they eventually found Torolf, a childhood friend of Loslie whom told them of an island they used to play with together (which later turned into Thurbald's Tomb). Helmic and Iroulf found Loslie and Rikord in a lake on the island fishing together. Loslie and Rikord, who was at the age of 14, 8 years after Goat Manor Bloodbath thought they were being hunted down by King Arse Guard bounty hunters. It was a relief to find that they were indeed lad supporters and friendly.

It was also at this time Firmgus returned to the Highlands, following the prophesy the Great One gave him, to help save the Highlands from evil.

Meanwhile, Valdounet Dromfaer cleansed the now-called King Arse Guard from unwanted members. Once the best friend of Iroulf, he had now turned into a lad-slaying monster who showed no mercy even to his earlier allies within the earlier White Guard.

Rikord, after training from Loslie (his uncle), Helmic (one of his Scottish allies), Iroulf (an ex-King Arse Guard member) and Firmgus (an immortal lad that fought all over the world), travelled most of the highlands with the previous named lads, reclaimed Goat Manor after hunting down several King Arse Guard members. One example is Turenne. After Ongus was freed by the hands of Rikord (now twentysix), Ongus told him Turenne was on his way to the distant Ladanate to indoctrinate Da'ren Drokir. Rikord immediately set his course to the Ladanate and met with Turenne in the Driftless Desert. On his way to the Driftless Desert, all alone, he was became as "Rikord the road-warrior" by the natives - a man who slayed all the hags and femine evils. He even became a renown hag-hunter, hunting down hags.

Eventually he reached Driftless Desert to meet with Turenne. Turenne, although a skilled strategist, suffered with his slow reflexes and was killed by Rikord after Turenne's men fled due to a sandstorm. Rikord got lost in the Driftless Desert, but he was approached by the three spirits of the Great One: Norgan, Vidav and Whetam. Thanks to them, he was guided to the Ladanate, and by sheer luck, or possibly fate, he met with Da'ren Drokir, who just happened to be in the south at that time. Da'ren Drokir informed Rikord of the upcoming cultist threat in the south of the Ladanate. Although Rikord at first refused to believe it, Da'ren told him of the Algazzor sightings down south - hordes of Algazzors marching west. Rikord was given a band of mercenaries after leaving the Ladanate, but more could Da'ren not do. One of the mercenaries was Berserker Barsik. Da'ren and Rikord exchanged valuable information regarding the upcoming Vagina God threat. Meanwhile in the highlands the McLad army under the leadership of general Helmic and the
navy under admiral Iroulf manage to unite all the Highlander chieftains under a common cause, to drive out King Arse.

After returning to the Highlands, Rikord unified the Goatmen after finding the horns of the fallen Captain Goatlord. Rikord used Captain Goatlord's horns and placed them on his head to speak telepathically with him and the Goatmen, using his Goast.

### The Siege of Goat Manor 26 AR

The reclaiming of Goat Manor 26 AR was a major event in lad history, where Delorian crusaders, Goatmen and lads fought to reclaim Goat Manor. After fighting King Arse, with Loslie in the battle against him, the wounded King Arse grabbed the nearby Arsifact, gaining more femininity powers and used them against Rikord's Beardbringer. King Arse put his hand against the Arsifact and shouted "FEMININITY! UNLIMITED FEMININITY!" and sprayed Rikord with the feminine power from the Arsifact. Through the Arsifact, Vagina God stepped forward. Vagina God knew Rikord was too strong to kill, especially now that Vagina God had her host (King Arse) almost wounded and Rikord had forged the Beardbringer. So she post-poned the eventual battle between them by sending Rikord into the distant future. After Rikord was sent into the future, King Arse, whom was extremely damaged due to the murder attempt by Rikord and his uncontrolled use of the Arsifact, had a speech and created the first Vagina God Empire. King Arse held a speech in Scarecrow's End, where he promised a secure future after uniting with the Lowlands, Cultists, and other kingdoms such as Chedmark which had converted to Vagina God-ism.

"*And the McLad rebellion has been crushed... Any remaining McLads will be hunted down and defeated!
The attempt on my life has left me scarred and deformed... But I assure you... my resolve has never been stronger! In order to ensure security and stability, the kingdom will be re-organized into the first Vagina God Empire! For a safe and feminine society!"*

## Rikord in the future

King Arse, whom had lost his original soul of the Thin White Duke completely had now reached immortality thanks to Vagina God using his body. In a way, the original Thin White Duke was completely dead; his body was now hosting the Vagina God.