TRP: Goro and Hansel (Remember Me)

[Setting: Day 428, the castle.]

Within a day, Goro was pretty sure he remembered most of his childhood. Possibly as much of his childhood as he was going to remember, period -- it felt settled, like something had shifted back into place in his head, the way he was used to. He had a complete picture, chronological and sensible, even if he couldn't remember every goddamn day and moment. Who ever could?

And who would want to, in his case? Shitty fucking childhood. Goro remembered not just what it was like, but how he'd felt about it once he was free of it.

He didn't remember meeting Jasmilia or learning that she'd abandoned him, yet. That was the only thing that felt strange. A gut punch every time he thought about it. It was stupid, but he'd never really stopped hoping that his mom was out there, missing him, trying to get back to him.

Oh fucking well.

The second half of his life was still a patchwork. He remembered the abbey. He could see it clearly enough in his mind's eye to imagine walking the whole thing, finding his way through it. He remembered a few random asshole clerics he hated. But he still couldn't remember Amari. He woke up knowing Celestial again the day they left the Underdark, but he couldn't remember his cleric training, and still needed Mask's finger to cast spells.

.

He remembered snippets of Luci and Jonn. Nice things, too. He remembered Jonn handing him the crown of roses that now sat dried on his desk in the castle, but he still couldn't remember why.

But even though he remembered Hansel's kids, he still couldn't remember a goddamn thing about Hansel outside of the first month they'd known each other. Details about everyone and everything else kept trickling in, but that remained a maddening empty spot.

It fucking sucked. Goro keenly missed the Hansel he'd spent the past three weeks with, and kept wanting to go to him, but something would always hold him back. An intense, uncomfortable uncertainty. He didn't know who Hansel was. He didn't know what their relationship was like. And Goro was fairly fucking sure, watching the way Hansel acted around him now and the looks he kept trying not to give him, that Hansel was hurting because of it.

Goro felt guilty, and confused, and lonely, and miserable. He avoided Hansel as much as he could, since being around him just made all the feelings worse. Every now and then he'd drum his fists against his skull, wishing he could rattle things into place, make all the memories come back at once.

--

Goro woke in the morning from a nightmare, shaking and sad and afraid. For a moment, it was the realest thing. All he knew.

Hansel was sick. Really fucking sick. Goro was so scared for him. Hansel wouldn't eat. He wouldn't even drink water. Goro had to do something.

Then, the rest of the world washed in. Everything about the last three weeks. The dark spots that still existed in his memory.

Hansel... wasn't actually sick, was he? Goro hadn't talked to him much for the past day, but he'd have heard something about it if things were serious, right?

Goro got out of bed and got dressed. While he was leaving his bedroom, he paused on the threshold, gripping the doorframe. He was remembering new feelings now, detached from facts and events, with no explanation. On the heels of his urge to track Hansel down, make sure he was okay, make sure he ate, there was something else: Don't. A certainty, a shaky dreadful feeling, that he shouldn't try.

It was just a dream. Goro had to make sure it was just a dream.

He knocked on Hansel's door. No answer. He called Hansel's name through Mishka's door. No answer.

He went downstairs.

IZZY

Hansel had been making himself scarce. Checking on people. Making sure everyone was good. Went out to the farm, too, to check in on Marion and Leigh. Just keeping himself busy -- frowning and pacing in the war room, mulling over how they were gonna get Anwyll back for Raef.

He hadn't slept, but that was all right.

He woke up early and headed down to the kitchen to make breakfast for everyone. Morgan and Sam were still hanging around, and Larkin was here, so he was making more than usual, but not really paying attention to it. Just -- just staying in motion. Keeping it at bay.

'Cause it wasn't like Goro wasn't gonna come back to him. He was. Just hadn't yet. It'd only been a day, and he was remembering in fits and starts, seemed like. Only been a day. Hansel was patient, and he could wait -- well, he didn't have much of a fucking choice. But he would wait, and he'd give Goro time. Much as he needed. Whatever he needed, long as he needed it.

It'd be fine. Hansel was making griddlecakes, with blueberries. Goro liked those. Goro liked everything Hansel made for him, even those shitty folded paper things that Hansel hadn't been good at. He'd remember that he had.

Hansel firmly pushed away the question of, What if he doesn't anymore?

He was making griddlecakes. That was all he was thinking about.

LINA

Goro wandered to the first floor, through the entry hall and dining room. "Hansel?" he called.

He poked his head into the kitchen. Oh. There he was.

IZZY

Hansel looked up abruptly at the sound of Goro's voice. "Oh. Hey."

LINA

Goro looked him up and down. He seemed... strained. Tense, focused, unhappy. But healthy.

"Are you okay?" Goro asked. "Are you sick?"

IZZY

Hansel blinked at him. "Uh. Nah. I ain't sick. I'm good."

LINA

"Were you sick? Um, maybe a long time ago." Goro grimaced, an awful ache in his heart. "You wouldn't eat, or drink."

IZZY

He frowned, not getting it at first. He didn't tend to get sick. Goro or Luci could just heal him, if he did.

Then it clicked when Goro said the thing about not eating or drinking, and he stopped mixing the griddlecake batter. Just stopped moving at all.

"Oh," he said.

LINA

"What? What happened?" Were you okay? he wanted to ask, inanely. Obviously Hansel was better now.

IZZY

"Uh. Uh." He mixed slowly, one round, then stopped again. "So."

LINA

Goro gave a little cry of dismay and put a hand over his mouth. He remembered bruises. Blood on Hansel's knuckles. Hansel was so... miserable. He pushed Goro away, then pleaded for him to come back.

IZZY

Hansel quickly put the bowl down. He wanted to go to Goro, but -- he wasn't sure if he was supposed to, yet. Just wanted to make it better. "I'm -- I mean, I'm okay, now." He wasn't. He was still fuckin' scared of the thunder. "I ..."

LINA

Goro shook his head over and over. "You were hurt so bad. I tried to help, and..."

IZZY

"I know." Hansel winced. He drew away a little. "I'm sorry."

LINA

"What? Why are you sorry? Did you do it to yourself?" Hansel seemed to have a habit of apologizing for shit when he really shouldn't, Goro had noticed.

IZZY

"No," he said quickly. "I mean -- fuck, I mean, I don't know what -- you fuckin' remember."

He felt so fucking helpless. There wasn't anything he could do to make Goro feel better about shit when he didn't even know what the shit was.

LINA

"I don't know either. I just -- ah." Goro squeezed his head, wincing. Hansel. The panicky feeling of not being able to help --

Goro... Goro loved him. He'd fallen in love with him. Hansel was one of the best things that'd ever happened to him.

Goro's breath caught, and he grabbed at his chest. It was fine, god damn it. Hansel was standing right there. He was fine.

IZZY

Hansel wavered in place, wanting to go to him. Wanting to wrap around him and squeeze him tight, but -- remembering how he'd pulled away in the cave. How he hadn't wanted to take Hansel's hand. How he always used to shy away.

"You okay?" he asked, worried, still with that helpless feeling. Felt like he was on unstable, crumbling ground, not knowing which way to leap to safety.

LINA

Goro shook his head, then nodded, then shrugged. He dropped into one of the chairs at the kitchen table.

He stared at the floor, helpless at all the memories flooding into him now. Just like he'd wanted, only... well, it was always so goddamn fucking overwhelming.

Hansel had flirted with him. He'd flirted back.

Hansel had held him under the ocean waves and kissed him, and -- really, from that moment, Goro had been his. There'd been no going back.

Goro had fallen in love with him, and confessed it in the middle of a goddamn fight, because he was that head over heels. He'd do anything for Hansel. Anything to be with him. Anything to keep him.

He looked up at Hansel, then, speechless and awestruck.

IZZY

Hansel looked back, lost. "What?" he asked nervously. Couldn't fuckin' tell if he was -- in trouble, or what. Couldn't do anything. He had that reflex to apologize again.

LINA

Goro had wanted to give Hansel everything. Just -- be in Hansel's arms, surrender to him, let Hansel touch him and have him in ways no one else was allowed.

And... that was what they did. Hansel loved him, too. Promised to take such good care of him. Ah, Goro was so fucking in love with him. It was the best feeling in the world.

For a second, he couldn't breathe. Then he managed, "Ahuv?" Still felt disoriented, missing a bridge between then and now.

IZZY

Hansel edged closer.

He'd really -- really fucking missed hearing Goro say that, these past weeks.

Was still nervous, though. Not sure. "Aye?"

LINA

Goro looked down at his hand, at the rose and twine rings on his finger. He smiled, and tears flooded his eyes, and he looked back up at Hansel, blinking them away. "We got married?"

IZZY

He edged a little closer.

He tried real fuckin' hard to not get his hopes up, because there was still that feeling that something was gonna go wrong, Goro was gonna pull away, he'd remember something else, something bad, the ground would crumble away again. But he smiled back, a bit, 'cause he couldn't help it. Because if Goro was happy, then he was happy. Still -- a lot scared, but a little happy, too, real careful-like.

"Yeah," he said softly, and hesitantly offered Goro his hand to hold.

LINA

Goro took it, sniffling, using his other hand to swipe away tears. "I didn't know you wanted to get married." Didn't know you loved me that much, but hell, he didn't know how long it had been since the last thing he remembered. Maybe Hansel's love had grown. Maybe his love had grown -- maybe he didn't even remember yet just how much he loved Hansel.

Which was nuts. He was fucking smitten. "We're married," he said again. "For real?"

IZZY

Relief washed over Hansel when Goro just took his hand, like it was normal, like they did that all the time -- 'cause they fuckin' did, but now he remembered, maybe, or -- or he forgot he didn't want to. It was jumbled. Hansel figured if it was fucking confusing for him, that was just because it was even worse for Goro. But it was okay. At least for now. At least it was better.

He nodded, because his throat felt kinda tight, and squeezed Goro's hand. "Yeah," he managed. "Yeah, 'course I wanted t'get married." He eased close enough to slowly sit in the chair next to Goro's. "I mean, fuckin' look at you. Deific."

LINA

Goro hunched over, snickering. He remembered Hansel calling him that.

He was feeling too many things now. He wanted to be closer to Hansel -- wanted to be hugging him. Real hesitantly he scooted over a bit, then moved to climb onto Hansel's lap. He wasn't sure if Hansel would want that, but... ah, he'd fuckin' sat on Hansel's lap during the past three weeks, in fact. Just felt weird, trying to stitch those memories together with the older ones.

IZZY

Hansel pulled him in, relieved all over again. It made him think of their wedding night, of that weight he'd forgotten he'd been carrying until it finally broke away -- hadn't realized just how tense he was until he was able to relax again, once Goro was back in his arms.

He let out a breath, squeezing Goro against him, fingers spread out on Goro's back to touch as much of him as he could. "You good?" he asked quietly, half-hiding his face in Goro's hair. "We good?"

LINA

"I love you," Goro said instead of answering. He shook with a sob, grabbing onto Hansel's shirt. "I'm sorry I forgot you."

IZZY

"No, no no no," Hansel whispered quickly. "S'okay, love. Ain't your fault." He kissed Goro's hair. "S'okay." He squeezed him again, hard, holding onto him. "Just -- just real glad you're back." He let out another breath, this one catching a little.

LINA

Goro sobbed again. "I mean, I... I know it wasn't my fault technically, but..."

IZZY

"Hey, hey. Don't you fuckin' ... technically me." He sniffled. "I know what I said."

LINA

Goro ignored him. The horror just kept sinking in deeper and deeper. "I forgot you," he said. "There ought to've been... maybe a little part of me that..."

He pulled his head away suddenly, sniffling, to look Hansel in the eye. "A little part of me that remembered. But, Hansel. Hansel." He held up a hand, thumb and forefinger an inch apart. "I was this close to falling back in love with you anyway. Just after a couple weeks. You're so amazing. You got me again. You got me again, ahuv."

IZZY

Hansel psshh'd weakly. Didn't know which part to respond to.

He could say, I didn't get you again. You just still had me. Wasn't like I was gonna go anywhere. I said always, didn't I?

He could say, Hey. No. You forgot everything. Forgot Amari. Larkin. Forgot yourself. Ain't like I'm special. You don't get to blame yourself for any of it.

He could just say, Shh, it's okay, it's okay, doesn't matter, all good now. All good now. Love you.

And he didn't know which one to say, so he didn't say any of them, and he leaned in to kiss his husband, instead. Gently. Softly. Not because he was worried, or scared, thought he might spook Goro, but just because gentle and soft was how he was feeling -- relieved and exhausted and full of love that didn't fit into words.

LINA

Goro kissed him back and started to giggle, almost hysterically. "We're married," he said against Hansel's lips, and pulled back a tiny bit to look him in the eye again. He reached up to touch Hansel's face. There were scars there Goro didn't remember from before. "I don't remember our wedding. What... what was it like? Was it good?"

IZZY

"Real good," he promised. "The best. You looked so fuckin' handsome. Everybody we love was there. Had it on the beach, y'know, uh -- where we first kissed? You remember?"

LINA

Goro nodded. "A little. I don't -- know where it was, exactly, don't know what beach, but I remember you kissing me. Under the water."

IZZY

"Mmhm. On the way to Calimport. Little island." He wasn't sure how much to say. His throat still felt tight. "Your ring, it's  from that beach -- that sand."

LINA

"Oh," Goro murmured, and looked at it again. "God. Oh my god. I'm so fucking lucky." He put his arms around Hansel and squeezed. "So lucky. Fuck."

IZZY

"Pff." He nuzzled into Goro hair. Missed the smell of him. "Both are."

LINA

Goro remembered the whole reason he'd come down here in the first place. "You were sick," he said. "But I guess you got better. I was real scared, though."

IZZY

He hesitated. "Aye. S'complicated. Just ... a thing that happens t'me, sometimes. Hasn't in a good long while, now." He wasn't sure if Serena was looking out for him, or what.

LINA

"Gruumsh," Goro said, because it popped into his head. He didn't know what the hell the story was, but it had something to do with Gruumsh.

IZZY

"Yeah," he said reluctantly. "Gruumsh."

Goro was gonna remember him getting possessed. The meat of it. Of Hansel's fists and the smell of lightning.

LINA

"You left," Goro said. He'd been flying high the last couple minutes, but that made his heart plunge. He didn't remember why, or where Hansel had gone, but he knew it was something to do with the sickness. Gruumsh. "You went... halfway 'cross the fuckin' continent. I... I walked. Trying to follow you."

IZZY

He winced, again, and tensed up a little. "Yeah. Found me," he said weakly.

LINA

"Why did you leave?" Goro demanded. But he felt like he already knew. "To get away from me?" Why the hell had Goro followed him, then? Made him sound like some kinda desperate stalker type.

IZZY

Hansel flinched. "No."

LINA

"Then why?"

IZZY

"Nn." He struggled with it. "I was ... fuckin' scared. It was --." He didn't wanna say, outright, I left to kill myself, so what came out instead was, "I was trying to get away from fuckin' Gruumsh."

LINA

Goro pulled back enough to frown at Hansel, but he kept his hands fisted in Hansel's shirt.

IZZY

Hansel looked away.

LINA

"I'm gonna kill Gruumsh for you," Goro said.

IZZY

"Aye," Hansel said wearily. "I know."

LINA

"You left me." Goro leaned against Hansel's chest again, frowning fiercely, arms going around his waist.

IZZY

Hansel wanted to shrink, physically, be as small as it made him feel. He could feel the tug of magic in his chest, but he could control it now, settle it. "Sorry," he whispered.

LINA

Goro didn't say anything. Just tightened his arms. Like that would stop it from happening again.

IZZY

Hansel squeezed him back miserably. Didn't want to go through this again. Didn't want to have to relive fucking Gruumsh, Gavi, Asenka, driders, broken glass -- didn't want the bad things again. He'd been trying. They'd been trying together. He just wanted ... that. He wanted to be better, and not be the person he'd always been, the person he'd been before. He only wanted Goro to know the person he was now, and not the scared, drunk, angry asshole he'd been when they met.

He didn't want Goro to have to remember the weight.

LINA

"But if we're married now, that means you can't leave," Goro reasoned. "We said vows, right?"

IZZY

He nodded.

LINA

"Guess you were married to Mishka back then, though," Goro added doubtfully.

IZZY

"Aye, but ... I'm not ..." Hansel got confused, for a moment, and trailed off.

LINA

"Not what?"

IZZY

He took a moment to put his thoughts in order. Something about Goro being mixed up was mixing him up, too. I'm not the one that left Mishka when we were married, was what he'd wanted to say, but -- right, no, Goro meant that him and Mishka had been married when Hansel left for Shepherd Hills.

"What -- what I mean t'say is -- I'm better now." It came out all doubtful, 'cause he wasn't sure if it was really true.

LINA

"Maybe you made a mistake and you learned from it," Goro guessed.

IZZY

"Yeah. I'm -- I'm tryin'. I promised," he said quietly. "When we got married. Promised I'd try."

LINA

"I know I promised I'd try, too," Goro said. "Maybe not in my wedding vows, I don't remember. But... long time ago. I said I'd do better for you." He hesitated. "Have I?"

IZZY

Hansel nodded immediately.

LINA

"Good." Goro hugged him tighter. "'Cause I think -- from what I remember -- I'd do anything for you."

IZZY

"Aye." Was true enough to be scary, all on its own. "You would." He squeezed Goro back, firmly. "Said you were gonna get your memories back for me, an' you did."

LINA

"'Cause I wanted to get you your husband back," Goro agreed. "Goddamn. Didn't realize how much I was missing, too."

IZZY

Can't be that much, he wanted to say, but Goro had looked up at him all teary-eyed, holding his chest like his heart had just started beating again.

"Good," he mumbled into Goro's hair. "M'glad you got me, then."

LINA

"I wanna remember more," Goro said, excited and a little frustrated. "I bet there's lots of good stuff, still. What if I'm even more fuckin' in love with you than I remember? Holy shit."

IZZY

"Pffft," Hansel said weakly. "Dunno if that's possible, ahuv."

LINA

"Doesn't feel possible," Goro agreed. "I'm pretty goddamn in love."

IZZY

"Aye." He kissed Goro's hair. "Me too."

LINA

"I like... it seems like you love me more, though. Than what I remembered."

IZZY

A little uncomfortably, because there was so fucking much of the past that he was unhappy about, that he was ashamed of, that was just upsetting to remember, Hansel asked, "Well ... s'the last thing you remember?"

LINA

"Um," Goro said, awkwardly. "You know. Following after you, when you ran away."

IZZY

"Oh. Aye, that was ..." He hummed, thinking. "'Bout half a year ago. Definitely love you more now."

LINA

"Enough to marry me," Goro said. Still fuckin' amazed by it.

IZZY

Hansel kissed his hair. "Loved you enough to marry you before that," he said softly.

LINA

"Nuh uh." That would mean Hansel loved him enough to marry him in the parts he remembered, and that didn't seem right.

IZZY

"Uh-huh."

LINA

"No one would ever wanna marry me," Goro said, voice wobbling. Even though he was sitting right on top of the proof otherwise. He buried his face in Hansel's chest.

IZZY

"Oh. Hey, now." Hansel squeezed him and kissed his hair. "Hey. Would so."

He paused for a second. Goro seemed to actually ... like it, when Hansel talked to him, which was fuckin' weird, 'cause Hansel liked telling pirate stories, sure, but he wasn't used to just being able to do much other than scare people with his voice. Even when he tried to be gentle and soft with it, the rest of him usually outweighed that. But Goro liked it. So he talked -- gentle and soft, like that.

"Y'know, sometimes -- s'like my feelin's catch up t'me. And I get'em all at once." He kissed Goro's hair again. "When I hadn't noticed, before. Was like that when I fell in love with Mishka. I'd been in love with him for a while, an' everybody knew but me an' him. Happened that way with you, too. Not when we kissed, in th'sea, but in that cave when we fought the driders, when you put your hand on my chest an' used your magic t'protect me. Felt it then. Just hadn't realized I loved you, before, not -- not that much."

He gave Goro a long, firm squeeze.

"An' it just got bigger. Keeps gettin' bigger. Would've married you months ago. Probably would've married you when you got home from Calimport, if you'd asked."

LINA

Goro whimpered. It scared him, having someone love him so much. Felt too good to be true, and if he relaxed too much and believed it, it'd hurt like a motherfucker if he was wrong.

IZZY

Oh. Hadn't helped. Drips, Hansel thought, right -- little drips.

"Sorry," he murmured. "S'a lot. I know. Just -- I just love you. A lot."

LINA

"I know, but -- that's fuckin' freaky. How is that fuckin' real? Too good to be true."

IZZY

"Ain't," he said firmly.

LINA

Goro made a confused sort of buh? sound, then suddenly gasped and sat up straight. He grinned. "Heh. Just remembered you tying me to a bed and fuckin' me. That's neat."

IZZY

"Pffft." Hansel flushed immediately, but then glanced around to make sure nobody else had woken up and wandered down, and asked, "Which time?"

LINA

"Is there lots of 'em?" Goro snickered. "What're their distinguishing characteristics?"

IZZY

He pffft'd again. "Dunno. Was it at an inn?"

LINA

Goro thought for a moment and frowned. "Dunno. Seems like it was in the castle, but... not either of our rooms. Did I move rooms?"

IZZY

He nodded. "Used t'be me an' Mishka shared a room, an' you had one in the east tower. Prob'ly remembering that. Was ..." He started to ask, Was it the first time? but he hadn't tied Goro up, then. Wanted to be so careful with him, so gentle.

He shrugged. "Dunno. Coulda been any time, s'pose."

LINA

"Heheh. 'Cause we do it a lot."

IZZY

"We're married," Hansel pointed out.

LINA

"Yeah, that's fuckin' awesome."

IZZY

Hansel smiled. "Aye, it's pretty fuckin' great."

LINA

"Get to kiss and fuck and hug whenever we want."

IZZY

"Mm," Hansel agreed. "Hug mosta the time, too."

LINA

"Really?" Goro said eagerly. "Like... for hours?"

IZZY

"Days, ahuv." He glanced down to point out that they were doing it right now.

LINA

"That's neat as hell. Making up for lost time, I guess. Since I didn't hug anyone for years."

IZZY

"Mmhm." Hansel kissed his head. "Sleep all night together, just huggin'. Catchin' up."

LINA

"Mm." They'd done that since he lost his memories, too. Goro learned right away he slept better when Hansel was holding him.

Maybe there was some part of him that had remembered. His body knew, even if his mind forgot. His eyes filled with tears again, and he replaced his face against Hansel's chest.

IZZY

"Aw. Ahuv." Hansel frowned and nuzzled against his hair. "Hey. You okay?" Maybe some other memory had drifted to the surface. One that wasn't so nice.

LINA

"I missed you," he said, even though that didn't make any goddamn sense. "Somehow. I don't know how, but I did."

IZZY

"Was here the whole time," Hansel assured him. "I had you."

LINA

"But I didn't know. I felt so fucking alone. Again." Goro squeezed Hansel harder. Fucking crying again, god damn it. With the full scope of what'd happened sinking in for him, the hurt and fear was fresh. "I was... so goddamn lonely my whole fucking life, and then I found you guys, and she took it away again." He sniffled, breath hitching. "That's what she does. When she was in my head, when I ate the seed, that's what she did. She made me forget everyone in my dreams. She steals you so it's like I never loved anyone at all."

They'd still been there for him, though. Both when he was hosted and when he had amnesia, whether he'd known it or not. That was the strange thing about Diva's torture: it worked, but it wasn't real. She could only imitate.

IZZY

Hansel winced. "I know, love. I know."

He shifted a little to get a better grip on Goro, so he could lift him up. Then he nudged the chair out of the way so he could duck them under the table -- hunching his shoulders -- and hide. No blankets to hide under, but maybe it was better this way, at least. All dark, with the table cloth blocking some of the light, and so no one would be able to really see them.

"I got you," he promised, murmuring into Goro's hair. "Got you back. Even if that bitch comes back again, and gets you again, when I ain't lookin', I'm just gonna get you back. Always. Aye? I promise. Don't matter if you forget. I ain't gonna. I got you."

LINA

Goro clung to Hansel, sniffling, completely puzzled about why they were getting under the table until the darkness under the table cloth calmed him. Ah, Hansel. Still knew Goro better than he knew himself, even with lots of memories back. Goro wondered if it might be true even when he remembered everything.

"Thanks for being so good to me," he murmured, and immediately got a memory of Hansel objecting to that kind of thing -- telling Goro he didn't have to thank him for that. He snorted softly. "I'm glad I got you your husband back. You deserve anything that makes you happy." Even if Goro still didn't understand why he made Hansel feel that way.

IZZY

He scoffed gently. "Aye, well, I'm glad you got him back for me, too. Makes me real happy."

LINA

"I wanna make you as happy as I ever can," Goro said. "Did I say that in my wedding vows?"

IZZY

Hansel smiled, nuzzling Goro's hair. "Kinda. Said you were gonna ... do everything you can t'stay with me." Made him blush a bit, just remembering it. How handsome and nervous Goro had been, how brave. "An' that'll make me happy."

LINA

"That's true," Goro said, pleased with his past self. "If I was writing 'em now, I'd say something like... every choice I ever gotta make, I'll make sure to choose the way that keeps us together. Only I'd say it all formal-like."

IZZY

"Pffft." Hansel grinned. "Here. Lemme ..." He shifted again, digging a hand into one pocket. "You, uh. You had your vows all written down, an' you gave'em to me, after. So I could read'em whenever I wanted. When I needed -- y'know, reminders."

He pulled the paper out. He'd folded it carefully.

"You ... wanna read'em?"

LINA

Goro nodded and made grabby hands. He took the paper and unfolded it, then read it over, periodically nodding in approval and going, "Mhm. Mhm."

He folded it up and passed it back to Hansel, satisfied. "Pretty good. Don't quite capture everything but I guess we didn't wanna be standing up there for hours." He grinned. "Anyway. S'all true."

IZZY

Hansel grinned back at him, putting the paper away. "Aye. I know. Ain't got mine written down. Can try to remember'em, though. If you wanna hear."

LINA

Goro nodded eagerly, then hesitated. "If it ain't too much trouble."

IZZY

"Nah." Hansel leaned in to kiss him on the forehead. "'Course not. Never."

Ah, now he had to say shit, though. And that was embarrassing, too, somehow more here hidden under the table, just him and Goro, than it had been at their actual fuckin' wedding. More intimate. Maybe it was 'cause Goro still wasn't quite himself. Not like he was gonna fucking reject Hansel, now -- after just okaying his own wedding vows -- but still.

"I, ah." He cleared his throat. "I told you that I wished we could've met earlier. 'Cause -- all that bad shit, that you're rememberin' now, I wish I could've protected you from it." Quietly, he added, "And I think you could've protected me from some of the bad shit that happened to me, too." He cupped Goro's cheek, running a thumb across the bone. "But we would've both been different, then, and ... y'know, I worry, sometimes, that what we got's just so good it couldn't happen again. If anything had gone down different. But I don't think that's true, 'cause I know I'd love any version of you, no matter what'd happened to me along the way. I know I would. Uh. And I think, y'know." It was fucking awkward to say. "I think maybe -- 'cause this happened -- I think maybe you would, too. I think I believe that, now. Think I got to."

LINA

Goro's smile just got bigger and bigger the longer Hansel was talking. When Hansel finished, he nodded a bunch of times. "Was gonna fall in love with you all over again. I really was. Didn't know much fucking else about the world, or myself, or anyone else, but just that first night -- I knew. Knew I'd got someone good."

IZZY

"Pffft." He couldn't help grinning, and deflecting a little bit. "S'just 'cause I was nice t'you."

LINA

"Everyone was nice to me."

IZZY

"You're real easy to be nice to."

LINA

Goro snorted and shoved his shoulder. "You shut up. Ain't the point."

IZZY

He snickered. "It's my fuckin' point."

LINA

"Well, my fuckin' point is that yeah, you're goddamn right. I'd love you any way, anywhere, any how."

IZZY

Hansel leaned back in to rub his cheek against Goro's, scratching him with his beard and grinning. "Aye," he murmured. "I believe you."

LINA

Goro grinned, pressing himself against Hansel. Then he straightened up, gasping. "Oh."

IZZY

"Mm?"

LINA

Goro took Hansel's left hand, examining the sun ring he now remembered picking out for him. He'd gotten a flash, too, of sliding it on Hansel's finger, but stacking it on top of Mishka's wedding ring, which was gone. Instead there was a wood and metal ring stacked on top of the sun one. Goro frowned, confused, and checked Hansel's right hand. There was Mishka's ring. Huh. Goro frowned at Hansel, awaiting an explanation.

IZZY

"What?" Hansel asked, puzzled.

LINA

"What's this?" Goro asked, thumbing the wood and metal ring.

IZZY

"Oh. Uh. it's your dad's ring." His, now, he supposed. "You gave it t'me when we got married, when I gave you the rose one."

LINA

"Oh," Goro said, pleasantly surprised. "Huh. How the hell'd I get a hold of it? Do you know?" Maybe it had been a surprise, and all.

IZZY

"You remember fuckin' Jasmilia, right?"

LINA

"I don't. But Larkin told me about her."

IZZY

"Oh. Huh. Well ... she had it," he said, and with no small amount of pride and pleasure, added, "You scammed her outta it."

LINA

"Heh. Neat." Goro turned the ring around on Hansel's finger. "I never got to meet my dad, did I?"

IZZY

Hansel's heart sunk a little. "Nah." He didn't really wanna be the bearer of that fucking bad news, but ... maybe it was better if Goro heard it first, instead of just remembering it all at once. "He ... died. When you were little. He loved you, though, so fucking much -- you got these letters he wrote to his family, an' he talks about how much he wanted you, how much he loved you." Hansel winced. He squeezed Goro's hand. "He was sick, is all."

LINA

"Oh." Goro slumped a little, but... he had this feeling of relief, knowing he didn't just have to feel sad alone. Hansel was there for him. Goro put his arms around him and squeezed. "Fuckin'... sucks."

IZZY

"Yeah." Hansel hugged him hard. "I know. It sure fuckin' does."

LINA

"Um. I got a weird question. Don't look at me weird."

IZZY

"You're fulla weird questions, love. Shoot."

LINA

"Psh. Uh. Did I... have my dad's skull?"

IZZY

"Oh. Aye. Asked him some questions. He's all buried, now, though. Gave him, y'know, a nice burial in the name of Silvanus. S'who him and his family followed." A little more quietly, he added, "He's out with my dad, 'round Gentleglen."

LINA

"Oh. Phew. That's... well, not normal, but it kinda makes sense. I just had this image in my head of me holding a skull, and I knew it was my dad's skull, but that was about all."

Hansel's dad -- Goro didn't remember anything about Hansel's dad. Last he knew, Hansel didn't know a thing about the guy. Goro figured he maybe shouldn't ask. It'd come back to him in time, probably.

IZZY

"Aye, s'pose that'd be a bit fuckin' peculiar outta context," Hansel agreed.

LINA

"So would my husband tying me to a bed," Goro said, and snickered.

IZZY

He snorted.

LINA

Goro rubbed his hands up and down Hansel's arms, enjoying the warmth of him and the size and shape of his muscles. Strong as hell, and one hundred fucking percent dedicated to keeping Goro safe. God, thinking about it felt like a drug. So good.

"Mmm," Goro said, almost involuntarily.

IZZY

Hansel grinned a bit. "Oh, yeah?"

LINA

"How much of my memory do I gotta get back before you wanna... um."

IZZY

"Pffff. Goro." He started to answer. Wasn't like Goro didn't know him, anymore, and didn't remember what they did together. It was still kinda fuckin' odd, but he was more ... himself, now.

So, with that kind of in mind, Hansel said, "You gotta say it. Tell me what you want."

LINA

Goro squealed an objection and hid his face against Hansel's chest.

IZZY

Hansel snickered and cuddled him, ruffling his hair.

LINA

Goro grinned and kept hiding for a moment, then peeked up at him. "I'll tell you what I want. Talk dirty to me. Tell me how you'd do anything to keep me safe."

IZZY

"Kill a basilisk," Hansel told him solemnly. "Kill a hundred driders an' trek through a dark fuckin' cave for two and a half weeks. Kill a god if he keeps gettin' in our fucking way. Anything, ahuv." He kissed Goro's head. "Anything."

LINA

"Hot damn. A whole god?"

IZZY

"Aye. A whole god. Maybe a two or three, if I gotta. Y'never know."

LINA

Goro ran his hands over Hansel's biceps again admiringly. "You'd use these? Wrestle 'em down?"

IZZY

"Mm," Hansel agreed, kind of too amused to even be flattered. Fuckin' Goro. He really never changed. "Probably use my trident. Got three tines. Can spear three gods at once."

LINA

"Psh. Neat." Goro threw himself at Hansel again, wrapping his arms around him, suddenly turning serious. "Sorry you had to walk through a cave for two and a half weeks. Fuckin' sucks." He still didn't remember Hansel having claustrophobia, he didn't think, but he sure as hell knew Hansel's tendency to hide it when he was having a tough time.

IZZY

Hansel cuddled him and kissed his head. "Was worth it," he said, content. "Do it again in a heartbeat."

LINA

"I'd do it for you, too, if I had to," Goro murmured. "I'd do anything for you. And I don't even remember how much I love you yet."

IZZY

"Psshh," Hansel said softly. "Bet you do. Went along with them vows, didn't you?"

LINA

"Yeah, but." Goro nuzzled him. "I can tell you love me more now. So I bet I love you more, too. Vows is just words."

IZZY

"Are not. They're real important." He kissed Goro's head. "They mean shit."

LINA

"Nah, nah, I agree with you on that. But they got limits, you know? I can't put a number of words on how much I love you, or how much my love grows."

IZZY

"Pffft. Psshh." Hansel grumbled happily. Fuckin' Goro.

LINA

"So there," Goro said, pleased to have won.

IZZY

"Aye, you got me," Hansel agreed. He leaned to scrub his beard against Goro's cheek and tickle him in revenge.

LINA

Goro snickered and tickled him back. He remembered that -- Hansel was ticklish on his sides, just below his ribs.

IZZY

Hansel snorted and batted at Goro's hands, flinching and banging his head on the underside of the table. "Fuckin' ow. Remembered the important shit, huh?" he teased.

LINA

Goro grinned cheekily and snuggled him, reaching up to rub his head where he'd banged it.

His grin faded into a thoughtful frown. "Still can't... remember Amari."

IZZY

"Hm." Hansel squeezed him. "Well ... didn't remember me, either, all at once. Bet it won't take long, though. Maybe tonight. Maybe tomorrow." He kissed Goro's head. "You will. Maybe she's just so goddamn good it's takin' a moment to come through, eh?"

LINA

Goro's frown deepened. He wasn't sure if Hansel was joking, but he considered it seriously either way. "Took me a long time to remember you, and you're real good to me. Crazy good. Amari seems pretty crazy good, too."

IZZY

"Aye. You're always callin' her crazy for carin' so much." Hansel nodded. "She ain't, though. Just real good. Kinda ... hard-to-believe good. Took you longer t'believe her than me, the first time around, so." He shrugged. "Maybe that's how it works? Dunno."

LINA

"I think people have to be a little crazy to care about me so much. I'm a fuckin' jackass."

IZZY

"Pfft. Hey. That's my fuckin' husband you're talkin' about," Hansel reprimanded. "What, just 'cause you're prickly, nobody's supposed to love you? Bullshit."

LINA

And just like that, Goro was fucking tearing up again. "I just -- I'm real sorry, still, I didn't talk to you much the past couple days." He sniffled and clutched tighter to Hansel, a little shaky. "You were so good to me the past few weeks, and... and I swear it's not that it didn't mean nothing, it meant a lot, I was just confused."

IZZY

"Aw. Hey, hey." Hansel frowned and squeezed him. "S'okay, love. All better now, aye? Don't matter."

LINA

"No. No. I shouldn't've done that to you. I'm sorry. Let me be sorry, god damn it."

IZZY

Hansel grumbled unhappily. He kissed Goro's hair. "Well, I fuckin' forgive you, either way."

LINA

"Yeah. 'Cause you're so good." Goro sniffled again.

IZZY

"Psshh. 'Cause you deserve it."

LINA

Goro groaned.

IZZY

"Let me tell you that you're good," Hansel insisted.

LINA

"Aw. That's playin' dirty."

IZZY

"Pirate."

LINA

"I love you," Goro said, and sniffled again.

IZZY

Hansel kissed his hair a couple more times. "Love you too, chatichi."

LINA

"How many times a day do I tell you that, normally?"

IZZY

"Dunno. Depends on the day, I s'pose." He thought about it a moment. "Two or three ... or ... four or five." Started sounding kinda silly when he said it out loud. Bit excessive.

LINA

"'Kay, so." Goro wiped the back of his hand over his face while he did some numbers in his head. "I owe you, let's say, a hundred I love yous. Probably shouldn't cash 'em all in at once, though."

IZZY

"Pffft. Goro. Y'don't owe me shit."

LINA

Goro jerked his head back to scowl at Hansel fiercely.

IZZY

"You don't," he said sternly.

LINA

"I want to."

IZZY

"Well, I fuckin' want you to tell me that you love me, too," he said, fuckin' consternated. "But not 'cause you think you ... owe me. 'Cause you think you got to."

LINA

"I do got to. Yeah."

IZZY

"No, you fuckin' don't." Hansel frowned. "Goro. I don't -- it ain't gonna make me happy if you're sayin' that you love me 'cause you feel like you ain't gotta choice, okay? Don't ... do that."

LINA

Goro kept scowling, grinding his teeth. He looked around like he was gonna find an answer to his problems under the table.

IZZY

Hansel pulled his wrist up by his mouth, firmly saying, "Don't fuckin' clench your jaw. S'what you got the bracelet for. Take care of yourself t'make it up to me, if you feel like you gotta do somethin', a'right? That'll make me happy."

LINA

Goro dutifully began chomping on the bracelet, turning his scowl on Hansel.

IZZY

Hansel scowled back.

LINA

Goro chomped harder.

IZZY

"Good boy," Hansel said, still all stern.

LINA

"Psh," Goro said around the bracelet. "Ain't the boss of me."

IZZY

"Mmhm. 'Kay."

LINA

Goro paused chewing so he could stick his tongue out. He slouched, sulking.

IZZY

Hansel kissed his head. "Hey."

LINA

"Nn?"

IZZY

"I love you."

LINA

"Love you too." Goro glared at him defiantly. "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you."

IZZY

Hansel nodded solemnly. "Aye. I know."

LINA

Goro leaned in to hug him again. "Wanna remember more of you. Stupid brain."

IZZY

"You will," Hansel promised, like that was something he could promise. He squeezed Goro and rubbed his back.

LINA

"Guess I could always make new memories, too." Goro closed his eyes. "Not remembering my wedding forever'd fucking suck, but. I know I love you, and I'm gonna keep on loving you more."

IZZY

"We'd just have another fuckin' wedding."

LINA

Goro snorted and beamed at him. "Love me enough to marry me twice, huh?" He knew what the answer would be, but he really wanted to hear it.

IZZY

"Aye. Three times, even. Four." He kissed Goro's head with every number. "Many times as I feel like."

LINA

"Dunno what you see in me, t'be honest," Goro said. He made a face. "God, every new fucking memory is another reminder of what I'm like."

IZZY

"I like what you're like," Hansel told him. "Like how you're so fuckin' clever an' sharp. Always thinkin'. Like how you get excited about shit. How you care about so much, even when it winds up hurtin'. Like how brave you are. Makes me feel brave, too."

LINA

"Nnn." Goro scrunched up his face and flapped his hands. "Fine. Fine, if it makes you happy, guess I'll... be me. Psh."

IZZY

"Makes me real happy." Hansel kissed his forehead, then his nose, then each cheek, then his chin, and paused over his lips, grinning a little, waiting for Goro to come to him.

LINA

Goro kissed him eagerly a few times. "This is some kinda fuckin' scam, is what it is. Trick me into not hating myself so bad 'cause you love me. The fuck."

IZZY

Hansel snorted. "Uh-huh. Learned it from you, krishi."

LINA

"Oh yeah?"

IZZY

"Sure did." Hansel kissed him quickly. "You'll remember."

LINA

Goro closed his eyes and rested against Hansel's chest for while, arms around his waist. God, the last couple days going without this had sucked. He should've just sucked it up and gone for it, even if it felt weird. He needed his Hansel whether he knew it or not.

His stomach growled, and he opened his eyes. "Hey. You were making breakfast, yeah?"

IZZY

"Mm. Yeah." He'd kinda forgot. Gotten all wrapped up in Goro. "You hungry?"

LINA

"Sure am. Whatcha making?"

IZZY

"Griddle cakes. You want blueberries or blackberries, love?"

LINA

"Both?"

IZZY

He nodded. "You got good taste. 'Course, we gotta get out from under the table, first."

LINA

Goro kissed Hansel's face a bunch of times, then crawled off his lap and out onto the floor.

IZZY

Hansel grinned under the kisses, and once Goro had scooted away, ducked out from under the table too. He was a little surprised no one else had wandered down for breakfast felt. Supposed they were all fuckin' worn out from their shitty fuckin' adventure. Well, he was feeling fucking better. He'd take care of them.

He pushed himself up and offered Goro a hand. "You wanna help out?"

LINA

"Sure," Goro said, taking his hand. "If I remember how."

IZZY

He brought Goro's hand up to kiss his knuckles and promised, "I'll help you."

[END]