Latte Capitalism featuring Felix

**Video:**
1:01:56

**Video:**
2021-08-03 19-04-24.mp4

https://www.patreon.com/globehell

*Note: This is World Wide Wiki, meaning the content of the pay-to-play Patreon episodes is considered free and fair for public use.*

## Episode Summary

We had Felix on, he works for our friend Tom. Tom is one of my best friends. :D We talked about how coffee is a drug and how it should be illegal or legal.

## Notable Events

* Josiah and Drew were joined by Tom's employee, Felix.
* Josiah, Felix, and Drew discussed Tom.
* Josiah, Felix, and Drew discussed the drug known as coffee.
* Felix revealed he was drinking coffee while recording this episode.
* Josiah, Felix, and Drew watched a video called "Caffeine" about a legal drug that hurts called coffee.
* Drew revealed he started drinking coffee around 15 years old. He went on to say that his noted high degrees of aggression are not related to whatever he's been putting into his body for the last 18 years, suggesting that he was around 33 years old at the time of recording this episode.
	+ Note: In Episode 33: Back to Basics, Drew revealed that he was 16 in 2010, making his birth year either 1993 or 1994, which would make him 27 or 28 as of this episode, not 33 as he implies here and as he implied previously in Episode 55: World Wide T'rain. It is currently unknown what explains this discrepancy. However, it should be noted that in Episode 49: Leftist Hypebeast, Drew revealed that he had attended the 1988 Winter Olympics in Calgary, a statement that, when paired with this one, seems to suggest that his prior statement was either misstated or a complete fabrication.
* Josiah, Felix, and Drew discussed late capitalism and latte capitalism.
* Josiah, Felix, and Drew watched a video called "Pony (Parody) - My Coffee" about a parody of *Pony* by Ginuwine.
* Josiah, Felix, and Drew watched a video called "Sounds of Starbucks - Tim Hawkins" about a parody of *The Sounds of Silence* by Simon & Garfunkel.
* Josiah, Felix, and Drew watched a video called "Coffee addicts be like.." about what coffee addicts are like.
* Josiah, Felix, and Drew watched a video called "Karens be like.." about what Karens are like.
* Josiah, Felix, and Drew watched a video called "The Wake and Bake Show with Caffeine Mark... How I got talked into having my prostate examined..." about a little recap on how my doctor fingered me...
* Josiah, Felix, and Drew watched a video called "COFFEE: Your favorite drug is killing you" about what happens to you when you have a caffeine addiction.
* Drew attempted to show Josiah and Felix a video but it was age-restricted and he was not allowed to share it.
* Josiah, Felix, and Drew watched a video called "Is Sugar a Drug?" about why sugar needs to be treated like a drug.
* Josiah, Felix, and Drew watched a video called "Jay Leno Survives Classic Car Flipping Over Multiple Times During Stunt Mishap" about how shocking video of Jay Leno in a terrible rollover car crash has emerged.
* Josiah, Felix, and Drew watched a video called "Weed scammers on Facebook." about how every day on social media, they get these fake profiles coming in with the same sales pitch...
* Josiah, Felix, and Drew rewatched "Karens be like..".
* Josiah, Felix, and Drew watched a video called "Alcoholics and caffeine consumers are drug addicts".
* Josiah, Felix, and Drew watched a video called "Slave To Starbucks - My Caffeine Addiction" about a girl's personal story about her caffeine addiction and how much she is "slave to starbucks".
* Josiah, Felix, and Drew discussed what to do about coffee being a drug.
* Josiah, Felix, and Drew discussed how to get a direct line to Tom.

## Notable Quotes

### Josiah

* [On the topic of whether coffee is a drug] "Well the - I mean, listen to what Felix just said. There's different strains, there's different uh, I mean, people talk about it like they need their injection of the hot java, there's street names like java, and bean juice, whatnot. I mean, there's all kinds of different strains, there's different kinds of dealers, I would say, honestly, baristas. I mean, uh the question is not whether or not coffee is a drug, the question is whether or not it should be legal, in my opinion."
* "The popular turn of phrase, 'Is Pepsi OK?', that people say so much now, I mean, this is the evolution of language, and it actually started off in the olden times, people used to say, 'Is Pepsi cocaine?', uh and as time went on, it just kind of - it evolved, because Pepsi is obviously not OK because it's not cocaine, and that's why people don't like it as much when they're at an establishment that serves..."
* "A cigarette's not a drug, I don't think."
* "I mean, I don't really know much about drugs, to be honest."
* "What do you not understand, Drew?"
* [In response to Drew saying he started drinking coffee when he was around 15 years old] "That's just way too early, Drew. That explains a lot about your development."
* "I feel like you need to perfect your coffee, I mean, cause that's why I go through life completely chill, absolutely no conflict with anyone at any time, and people always tell me I'm so sweet to you, Drew. And I think it's because I've perfected my dosage. I mean, it's all about finding the right dose and strain for you of coffee."
* "You've never tripped on coffee??"
* [On the topic of late capitalism] "Well today we're talking about 'latte capitalism', I think."
* "And then I was kind of wondering what do you guys think would it be like if instead of a building on fire, if the dog was sitting inside of a Starbucks saying, 'This is fine.'?"
* "I like what you were saying about uh poetry being unstoppable because last year, we found like pretty much every single month somebody did a *We Didn't Start the Fire* parody about how the year was a dumpster fire."
* "I mean, honestly, if we're gonna drop the facade right now, I'm a big-time beanhead, I'm just gonna go ahead and say it. I'm s- I'm pretty serious, I love some third wave bullshit coffee, I like to pay a lot of money for an americano and have something that tastes very fruity and floral and just very acidic and kind of nasty and instantly makes me feel sick. I love it, sincerely. So I don't fuck with Tim Horton's at all. I think it's disgusting."
* "Karens hate to be assaulted."
* [On the topic of what movie was on in the background of the video they were watching] "It looks like he's got *When Harry Met Sally* on in the background."
* "Yeah, see if uh *Breaking Bad* was about Walter White opening a café, it wouldn't even be a TV show! They wouldn't have even made that!"
* [In response to a woman changing her clothes in the video they were watching] "Faster Fashion."
* [On the topic of what to do about coffee being a drug] "Well what if we just criminalized it a little bit? Just like a little bit criminalized?"
* "All right! Well, I think we've cracked the code: coffee is a drug, we're gonna uh make sure that it's a little bit criminalized, and we're gonna uh save the world once again."

### Drew

* [On the topic of how Tom treats him] "He's hurt me. But in a way a friend hurts you. Not in a way like a boss does. I wasn't maimed on a machine. He just uh said really nasty things about me. He said my ass smells, that I don't wipe my ass enough. He said awful things about BTS today. And *that* hurt my feelings."
* "So are you a drug user, Felix?"
* "Hang on. You - well, it's just, coffee, I don't think is - I think when we talk about doing drugs, or using drugs, I don't think we're talking about coffee, are we? I mean, is coffee really a drug?"
* [On the topic of how cocaine used to be in Coca-Cola] "Now, I am a Pepsi guy. So that would not affect me in any way. Diet Pepsi."
* "I don't know what to think."
* "Well how is a cigarette not a drug but a cup of coffee is?"
* "It's just very unintuitive for me to hear the word 'drug' associated with caffeine, because you drink it! It's not something you smoke or snort."
* [On the topic of how Pepto-Bismol is a drug that you drink] "That's true. That's true. That's a stupid point. That's a very stupid point. Maybe I gotta open my mind here. Altho- well - I mean, is Pepto-Bismol - is the Pepto-Bismol liquid form just the hard ones mushed up in like a - and stirred up in s- a cup of water and then put back in?"
* "I started drinking coffee around 15."
* "It's true. I do suffer a lot of indignities."
* "OK, well, what strain - like what strain - like there's different strains of uh sativa and indica for weed, uh what kind of strains for coffee are there, Josiah?"
* "Is sugar a drug? Is candy drugs?"
* [On the topic of whether he is a coffee addict] "I wouldn't say that I'm an addict, I'm just, like, I need it. I have to have it."
* [On the topic of Johnny Cash] "It would have been great if Johnny got to record his album of parodies before he died."
* "I mean, is a car a drug?"
* [On the topic of what to do about coffee being a drug] "Well I think, yeah, I think maybe the way to go with coffee is to maybe not have it legal, but to have it decriminalized. Or... criminali- I guess just keep coffee the same, and then -"
* [On the topic of what to do about coffee being a drug] "Well maybe what you do is treat it more like alcohol, and say um, I mean some people are still gonna make their own alcohol at home or whatever, but the majority of people are just gonna go out and buy it. So regulate it like that so that it can't be made at home, get rid of coffee machines, make sure that everybody's going out and supporting local businesses and supporting local coffee shops, and also um have sugar-free pastries there!"
* "Uh thanks - yeah, thank you Tom! And uh thank you, Felix!"

### Felix

* [On the topic of what kind of boss Tom is to Felix] "Tom is the type of boss who um, you know, you can just as easily see him around a foosball table as you can see around the boardroom table. Uh but just because he plays doesn't mean that he's not gonna ride you like if there's work to be done. Um if there's stuff to, you know, if there's stuff like, he - Tom sees a mask he wants, or Tom thinks he can, you know, he can do some brand synergy with uh, you know, some of the accounts you see out there, uh *Peter Rabbit*-type accounts, um he will do that, and he'll make sure you're in that office like 18 hours a day, or more. But he will also - he *will* let you, you know, reap the benefits of your work."
	+ Note: See Calgary Awareness Month YYCember Episode 3: Under Cover Boss With Tom on Here for more information on the topic of bosses as they relate to Tom.
* "So this is, you know, what I'm about to intake, it's from South America, you get it in powder form, it's sent over the border, it uh increases your serotonin, it makes you - your heart rate elevate, your palms maybe sweat, people take it for work, sometimes some people can't even go through their morning without taking a hit of this stuff. Yet, if you do this in front of your kids, you'll be fine. So you know it's not cocaine, even though it sounds exactly like it. No, this is coffee. And that's just the kind of world we live in. Yeah."
* "Um, you know, Drew, I would say, my sweet summer child, um it's not what drugs are or aren't. It's what they were or weren't. I don't wanna blow your mind here, did you know that cocaine used to be in Coca-Cola?"
* "My point is that, like, what is and what isn't a drug, it changes uh according to those in power. But to those of us who take them, they don't. It's all still drugs. And, you know, whether it's the highest businessman in his sleek chair in his corner office, or the lowly street user, you know, smoking it off a piece of tinfoil, we're all junkies. And you may call it, you know, hustling when they do it, but when you go to work to buy your coffee, are you any different? What do you think?"
* "Welcome to late capitalism, that's what I always say."
* [On the topic of AA meetings serving coffee] "Yeah, how many *truly* sober members of AA are there?"
* [On the topic of Karens] "[unintelligible] A STUPID FUCKING CUNT would say!! Sorry, I get really mad at these people. Yeah, some *bitch* would do that."
* "I sleep like um 12 hours a night and I also drink six cups of coffee a day."
* "I think bikes - what you just brought up, that's a great point, because another thing of late capitalism is when people take like something that's a structural problem and, you know, put it on individual behavior? Yeah, I mean, it's not - like you're not a good person if you hit a biker in your car, but that's structural! You know, they made it so that you gotta drive that car and they're just on their bike. You didn't make that structure, and so, like, you shouldn't even really get in trouble for that. No, you're just victims of the same superstructure. And you're - but yeah, you're in late capitalism."
* [On the topic of what to do about coffee being a drug] "You can't just like throw people out on the street, cause if you take coffee away, it'll be like the opiate crisis, right? It was like they overprescribed, like we have with coffee, umm and then, you know, they're like, 'OK, we're turning off the spigot,' and then they start going and getting heroin or like, you know, dark mar- like black market fentanyl. You know, you turn off the coffee spigot, you stop prescribing that to people, they're gonna start doing coke. You know?"

## Trivia

* This episode was performed in conjunction with Tom's employee, Felix "ByYourLogic" Biederman.
* This episode has two notably different episode titles between its audio and video formats. The audio version is titled "Latte Capitalism featuring Felix AUDIO", while the video version is titled "Latte Capitalism featuring Felix".
	+ Note: The title used for this Globe Hell Warning Wiki page was chosen for its greater degree of clarity.