Betrayal of Blood

***Betrayal of Blood*** is the sixth chapter of *Winter's Tales*.

## Synopsis

Heading into their next two years of grade school, Winter and Dani are unstoppable and continue achieving new highs in their relationship. Soon, however, tensions mount with Winter keeping their relationship a secret from her father, and one hasty decision on Dani's end ends up changing Winter's life permanently - leaving her helpless, hopeless, homeless, and loveless - and forcing her to cut ties with the one person she vowed to love her whole life.

## Warnings

### Content Warning

*This chapter contains blood, violence, and emotional/physical abuse directed toward a child.*

### Disclaimer

*Varien will be referred to with female pronouns in part of the chapter in reference to the two years after coming out before he used masculine pronouns again. The events in the chapter have been mirrored to match real life; Varien will be referred to with his correct pronouns in a later chapter.*

## Transcript

*"Big man, you wanna big gun, you wanna just shoot it. But you cannot get it in."*

*"Dark eyes in a dark stare... but still water runs so very deep..."*

*Betrayal.*

*Having the rug pulled from underneath your feet when you're least suspecting, to lose everything you've ever earned when you think you've accomplished it all.*

*To be withered and plucked bare of everything you've known at the hands of the closest person to you in your life.*

*Betrayal is a dark consequence, sometimes spurned from our own actions or the decisions of others. It can be controlled - and when it's not in control, it's even more dangerous.*

*Some acts of betrayal are necessary. Playing devil's advocate is a dangerous game where the devil makes his deal known, and if broken, will erase the world right at our fingertips.*

*It can be avoided by those lucky to escape fate's gleaming black claws. But when it strikes, no one's prepared as the blood drains from your soul and the riches crumble into ash.*

*I'm all too familiar with betrayal, as it's the exact reason why I'm here now. I thought I had everything going right for me. I had a loving father, a girlfriend, and dreams to chase. And woods to protect.*

*Yet like all those fools, I was a fool too. I couldn't see the warning signs. I didn't act when the cracks split the ground from under my feet.*

*The rug slipped, and my life was forever scarred.*

*And to imagine that it was from the person who claimed to love me so would end up betraying me mortified me.*

*The price was paid.*

*Paid with my blood and my autonomy.*

I wished summer was forever, but to me and Dani's chagrin, it ended as quickly as our first, unintended meeting at Pinelake Park.

We'd *lavished* in the summer lifestyle, found *love* in all places, and had a bond forged of the finest ores from the earth's crust.

We had the same interests, same sharp mindsets, and same love for getting in hijinks that would ruffle the feathers of our parents.

To us, summer would never end, even when the yawning doors of school were awaiting us. For now, we'd have to part ways and return to our last year in elementary before our rite of passage to middle school.

On the final weekend, Dani stopped by my place, and we hid under Father's duvet once more, the air smelling faintly of a mint Yankee Candle. The blankets protected us from the outside world, and we were alone in our own little land, an island, and we were the castaways.

Dani took pleasure in the moment, a mischievous orange glint in her amber eyes.

"I dunno what fifth grade's gonna bring," she drawled in boredom, laying flat on her back, and sighing, I undid her bun and cuddled next to her, drinking in her warmth and her adorable facial expression.

"Me neither. I want Lars to piss off." This was spoken in a low whisper - Father was soft, but he did *not* approve of that language. He could be *anywhere* in the house and hear, and then, we'd be uncovered, our fun tarnished. I sighed. "Shame you won't be there to ward him off."

"Eh, you'll be peachy, Winter. Boys will be boys, but he'll learn his lesson... you're a volcanic lesbian, remember *that*!. Why don'tcha erupt on him?"

I shushed her quickly, not wanting the excitement in her tone to alert Father to the word of "lesbian." "That's saved for when someone *actually* pisses me the hell off, Dani!"

So much for watching our voices. Luckily, Father was rumbling around in the kitchen and didn't overhear our... *exotic* choice of words.

Giggling, I laid my head on Dani's chest. "I love you."

"Love you too," she whispered, and we eskimo-kissed with placid smiles and snuggles ahead.

Late in August, we were back in the saddle of the classroom with a fresh atmosphere to navigate, and I was *blessed* by God (or Mom, she had to be on my side here) to have *Kailee freaking Skylark* sit next to me. The amazing badass who was *slightly* adorable, but not my lightning bug, Dani. Just a pal.

Kailee had come out as pansexual; for a pin was on her lunchbox.

Hello *heaven*. The cherry on top: no Lars. Solitude had long last returned...

...well, almost. I'd still run into Lars in the hallways, but I'd deflect him, and my forcefield was reinforced by Kailee's just-as-potent dislike of him.

"Seriously, what's his deal with you?" she asked me one time.

"Lovey doves and a massive crush. I already *have* a partner, but trying to teach Lars anything is speaking to a brick wall."

"My life everyday, dude. My partner and I are tired of people crushing on us!"

"Goals."

Oh! Speaking of partners, by this time Dani and I had set some basic foundations for our relationship just so we could get our footing and start on the correct page. How could go you go wrong calculating your bases in advance?

First, we could display *some* public affection, but not too much. Pineshadow was a relatively LGBT-friendly town and our state democratic, but it didn't mean those who opposed same-sex relationships weren't relevant. As we were older, maybe we'd get bolder, but it was better to lay low.

What types of affection and love did we *want* with each other? Something simple and not too extreme. Touching, hand-on-hand, in close proximity. I could tell from the way she sparked that Dani *liked* intimacy, when our hands held and noses touched. She'd reached up and met the eyes of God (which in my world was Varien).

Touching was more of a private affair. Kisses were when we were older. Eskimo kisses would suffice in the meantime. We also didn't want to use pet names (a personal ick of Dani's; she thought they sounded bizarre).

In terms of showcasing our relationship to our parents... it was a *rough* half-and-half.

Dani got my full permission to inform her mother, and Rex celebrated, throwing us a party and even getting us a queer-decorated cake from a bakery. She seemed especially proud of Dani and stared at me fondly, giving her official blessing to me.

Dani, to her, had made the *perfect* choice. I was the enlightened one with a halo and a flock of albino doves.

However, when it came to telling *Father* I was queer and was in romantic cahoots with Dani... that was *not happening*.

You see, when your father was - and sometimes still was - tied down to his religious morals, once keeping me in a tight wrought iron cage, it churned a wave of apprehension in my stomach.

Father had changed. Significantly. He devoted all his time to caring for me and hauling the legacy of Mom on his back. Compared to the fiery and ferocious man I saw at face-value in my youth, he had been tamed.

He promised to always love me and keep me safe.

But that didn't mean he *let go* of what he thought was holy. I wasn't religious, but he *was*.

Jewish communities have relatively no homophobia, and ours didn't have it... but Father stuck out like a sore thumb. I didn't know if he'd *ever* accept me for being a lesbian.

He wasn't a fan of anything that went *against* the Torah... was there a limit as to how much he'd tolerate my rule-breaking? He knew I didn't want to be the average Jewish woman. I didn't want to be the woman that faded into the background forced into marrying a plain man and tending to jobs at home.

I wanted to tell him about a deeper, higher love that Dani and I had found. How we mixed perfectly with each other and had inpenetrable chemistry. How we'd discovered so much of the world, so much that Alan Watts would be crying his wise ass to sleep in his grave.

Yet in the process, I'd risk *all* of my marbles for a double jeopardy, and that outcome had a solid *chance* of payday or my life imploding.

I did the only thing I could have done and clammed up.

Father didn't even *guess* that me and Dani were dating, seeing us as just *really really* good friends.

Friends with a list of tacked-on benefits who totally weren't plotting kisses when we were the age of thirteen.

Dani was a little surprised when I told her that I *wasn't* going to come out to Father straightaway... rather, I just didn't want to.

"You *don't* want to tell your father about us? That you're a lesbian?"

"No... it's complicated," I muttered, deflating, and she pulled me a hug. "I know, I *should*, and I want to..." Jesus, I hoped I wasn't *crushing* Dani by my refusal. She was very open and outgoing and never had a secret to tell, as she put her honesty first and foremost.

Would she keep any of *my* secrets, however?

"Why is it so complicated?" Dani prompted gently, brushing off my cheeks and snapping me out of my thoughts, and her touch left behind a stinging sensation that made me sharply inhale and clutch her hands, the soles of my fingers on her knuckles.

I had told her that Father was an ass to me when I was younger... but she hadn't known *everything*. Without everything, she wouldn't understand my predicament and our relationship would flounder.

"Do you remember when I told you that my father was hard on me because of religion?"

"Yeah," Dani replied, giving a small nod.

"Dani, I *want* to tell him, but I fear he's going to *reject* me. In the Torah, there's a commandment that specifically *says* that homosexual relations are prohibited..."

Dani gasped, turning from relaxed to trepid in a flash, and she nervously shuffled her feet on the floor of my bedroom... pain slashed through my heart, and I hugged her, just letting myself go in her grasp. Holding on to ourselves and the forbidden love that we shared. Apologizing through the silence and me gripping her tightly, fearing that if I'd let go, Father would force us apart. Would he? Would he *not*?

"So our love is... forbidden?" Dani then asked, breaking the silence, and I darted my head around.

Us, in a *forbidden* romance? Forbidden romance *never* ended well.

No! Me and Dani's story *couldn't* end like all the others! I *had* to prevent it from happening... but I was so *indecisive*...

"I-I don't know. I'm sorry, Dani. But unlike my father, I *don't* listen to the Torah."

"You've never listened to it."

"It only weighed me down. It forced me into a backbreaking routine. I wasn't *myself*."

"You broke the norm and are only going to keep hammering it. Go get 'em, Winter!"

I nodded. "And I won't obey the Torah even if it claims our love is *wrong*. With you, I feel like I'm chasing something *worth* fighting for. After all you've done for me, the memories we've experienced under the stars and in our lost lands... I don't know what my future will have in store for me, nor will I know if I'll *ever* tell dad my secret..."

I paused. That was the *truth*, but I felt so *vulnerable* around Dani. I was so *conflicted*, torn apart on the inside; I *wished* that Father could see us in action, loving each other and forming a locket of gold with our galatic connection, but he was a *religious man*. He was still strict and temperamental under his layers of sweetness.

He'd never give up the Torah. He'd let me go because he loved me and wanted the best, but he was still very *religious* and followed the Torah by every instruction given.

Another problem with hiding the truth was I didn't know how *Dani* would react about it. She was joyous when her mother accepted her bisexuality and us, and she had been extremely excited for what Father would think of us when I told him.

Her excitement was *beyond* short-lived. I sighed, glancing down at my empty lap. I had *nothing* to give to Dani.

Ugh. I felt crappy and pathetically useless.

"I'm so sorry, Dani. I know you wanted me to tell him... but I can't. Not yet. I need to think..."

She put a hand to my cheek, *sshing* me. Reluctantly, I met her eyes, and they were a forgiving amber sea.

"Winter, you don't need to stress over this," she reassured, eyes the soft tinted light of fireflies at night, and she patted my back, jolting the butterflies in my stomach that danced and fluttered to the edges. Her cheek pressed against mine, she whispered delicately into my ear words that could have had me on the floor or absorbed into her arms:

"I'm going to give you all the time in the world to come out to your dad. There's no rush... right now, I want to be with *you*. My beautiful girlfriend... the apple to my eye, a-"

"-cherry to my pie," I finished, and we rolled on the floor in a chorus of giggles, a symphony that made the room glow and spin. Instantly, I released my worries, eroded away by Dani's patience and promise. Somehow Dani had taken to using me as a pillow again, her legs tangled up in mine, her eyes peacefully closed.

"You couldn't resist me, could you?" I teased, scratching the back of her head and undoing her bun for the thousandth time, and her hair fell back in a black cascade.

"I could never resist the diamonds that sparkle in your eyes." I blushed, the red coating my freckles and my cheeks. Such an *expensive* comparison for someone as *odd* as me!

*What a flirt.* She was a damn good one, at that.

*Thump thump thump thump*.

Suddenly I sat up, accidentally making Dani roll off, and she hit the floor with an *oomph*. "Dad!" I whisper-exclaimed.

I leapt onto the bed, as did Dani, but thankfully, he didn't come in and see the young lovers with knotted legs and lips a little too close for comfort.

"Close call," she noted.

I pulled the covers over us, building us a fort where Father couldn't see our prominent intimacy, the forehead grazes that gave us shivers, the touch that sent us spiraling through a mystical haze, the way we twisted and twined and merged in our affections and non-blood pacts.

Once Dani and I were shrouded from view, we laid together and fell asleep.

It was like this for the next few months, evolving just like the seasons, and the last traces of summer, from its heat and sweet n' sour ice cream and beach hype, disappeared to make way for autumn, the fall of the colored leaves in the wind, the browning of the grass, and the ascension of warm coffee, scarves, and coats to the limelight.

We steered through fifth grade, and while there were more vines for me to machete through for me, Dani had cleared everything with flying colors. She hardly had to do *anything* to excel, and it was a wonder as to how she wasn't given an early promotion to middle school.

After school, we'd play in the leafpiles in our yards and help Rex and Father rake leaves... or not, with the way we were nuisances and scattered them around again.

Rex's friendship with Father was getting stronger, I noticed, as I saw her engage in conversation with him, and they were laughing and telling (likely embarrassing) stories about us. Rex adored me, and Father adored Dani.

With the cold weather, Dani and I were easily persuaded to have more sleepovers, and on cold nights, we built bonfires and made smores, savoring the gooey marshmellow and chocolate goodness squished in a graham cracker.

You'd probably think we'd recreate that spaghetti scene from *Lady and the Tramp* with the strings of smore, but there were no kisses - *especially not near Father's prying eyes* - until we were thirteen.

On our sofas, we'd watch our favorite movies - mine was still *The Fox and the Hound*, though I also liked *Alice in Wonderland*, falling asleep on Dani's shoulder just when Alice escaped the charismatic, wacky, and *beautiful* world she had been trapped in.

That, or cheering on the friendship between Tod and Copper, unlikely pals slated to be natural enemies.

Dani's movie choice was certainly... *interesting*.

"Winter, you've *got* to watch this bootleg movie. You're going to be laughing so hard you're gonna need to stop, drop, and roll on the way to the *hospital*!"

"What bootleg movie? How are we gonna watch it?" I asked, settling into my blanket with her next to me.

"Just you wait and find out..." She went on demand and selected the movie, titled *Joshua and the Promised Land*.

Father was out of the house, and he missed an *hour* of my own heritage being ridiculed with *horrendeous* animation, so clunky, clippy, and rushed that I was *snorting* invisible cocaine and rolling on the floor. As to how I didn't piss myself, that was a mystery.

But that wasn't the best part. Furry Moses yelling *NOOOOOO* and the devil people and stick figure-ass fighting had me *howling* and shaking Dani, all while she lost it and we plowed through the popcorn like it was the last supper ever handed to us.

When it was over, I was barely able to keep myself together.

"That was so *dumb*, but I... oh my god, Moses... I *can't*!" I hollered, hitting Dani's shoulder repeatedly.

"Told you that you were in for it," Dani quipped.

"Find *more* of these. *Please*. This has gotta be a thing we do when my dad and your mom aren't looking."

"Bootlegs in the shadows. Charmed."

In public, Dani and I often took hold of each other's hands, never leaving each other and not letting go until we had to go home. Even with Father watching, he didn't seem to make peeps on our behavior, how close we'd gotten.

Still really good friends, huh, Father?

Gripping Dani's hand in public made me feel *safer*. If Father dared to confront me, Dani would be there to protect me.

She'd always be there. Always...

Why am I shouting into an echo chamber?

Ahem. Sorry, let's move on.

The months rolled by fast, and winter break was just around the corner, which meant that Dani and I would make snow angels and snow forts and snowmen, and we'd sit wrapped in a blanket, snuggling, with mugs of hot chocolate and fluffy marshmellows.

December was an important month. Take a guess as to why. You have five seconds.

If you guessed that it was my eleventh birthday, congratulations! You just won nothing but the pleasure of hearing my story!

I was *astounded*. To me, it was *yesterday* that I was five and at Heartbeat Point learning to follow the rhythm for the first time.

*Yesterday* when I started school, synagogue, fought Father over Judaism, went athiest, became a lesbian, and idolized Varien. Mom dying. Meeting Dani.

It all went by so *fast*. I was getting older, and I had changed *radically*.

Wow.

Now I was *eleven* - and my birthday was extra special, since Dani wanted to have a sleepover with me as one of her gifts.

You know what I'm about to say: saying no to Dani was *physically impossible*.

Dani arrived at my front doorstep with a JCPenney bag in her hand. Whoa, she had went to a *department store* to get me something.

A *department store*. Consider me flattered.

"Dani, *whoa*, you didn't need to go *that* deep for me!" I stated, my cheeks *increasingly* red.

"Aw, Winter, you know I gotta treat you right on your special day... I went to NorthTown and spotted a *gem* in JCPenney I couldn't ignore. You're gonna love it!"

"Let her flatter you, Winterlyn!" Father shouted from the kitchen, likely putting the finishing touches on my birthday cake.

Choosing not to make much ado about nothing, I led my partner to my bedroom, smoothing myself down and holding one of my plushies in anticipation of the holy gift.

"Alright. Ready, O Great Birthday One?" Dani questioned with her signature romantic smirk, and I rolled my eyes.

"Dani, if you don't knock it off with the teasing, I'm going to wham your head through the bag."

She laughed, saying, "Alright, if you insist." She put her hands in the white paper and pulled out a *sweater*, neatly knit with white and dark green striped wool.

A classic sweater.

"You got me a sweater?"

"Yeah! See, you might not think of it as anything worth a pot of gold, but when I noticed it... it was odd among other on-sale sweaters. It was the only one of its type, an oddball. Just like how you're an oddball in society, I thought it would fit you."

An *odd* sweater on *me*, one of the *oddest* people in school and in my family... Dani spoke directly to my *heart*. She *knew*.

She *understood*. She consumed. She delivered.

"It's *perfect*!" I cheered, squealing with glee and bowling my flame over in a hug, pressing my nose to her in a flimsy eskimo kiss. "Thank youuuu Dani!"

"Happy birthday, Winter! Come on, try it on. You're gonna look *fabulous*!"

Fabulous, but in a *tomboy* way. I threw it over my head, shimmeyed in it, and my head popped out of the collar.

Immediately, the sleeves sagged, refusing to curl around my arms and smother them in a roasty toasty blanket.

"Uhm, Dani?" I stood on my knees, the sweater trailing down thems. On one of the sleeves was a tag.

*L*

Seeing the tag, Dani blushed and hid in her face in her hands. She had bought the *wrong size*. I was a small.

"Oh my lord, I'm so sorry... I should've thought about your *size*!"

"It's okay, Dani. You didn't need to think about if it fit or not." I sat adjacent to her, put a hand on her back, and yanked her into a hug, causing her to land on top of me.

We were staring *deep* into each other's eyes - a song of ice and fire.

Caught up in the passion and the heat of love... or that was me beginning to sweat in the sweater. I pulled it off me and folded it at the edge of my bed.

"I can wear it when I grow into it, but Dani, I won't forget it. You catering is immaculate," I assured her with some of her favorite voacbulary, nuzzling her on the nose, and she smiled, seeing that she had made no mistake, but just a happy accident that made my birthday even sweeter.

I thank you for your wisdom, Bob Ross.

The sleepover went swimmingly, and I slept on Dani's chest, drooling some on her (WHOOPS), but I woke up to her smiling at me, her perfect dainty lover self.

I loved her so much.

Winter chugged on by us, but it wasn't to be wasted. The snow fell on our heads, and we played outside, constructing snow forts, monsters, men, and snow angels galore. Our front yards were a *mess*.

There was also delicious hot chocolate and chocolate mustaches, snowball fights, and sleepovers, where our warmth carried over and protected us from the bitter talons of the cold outside.

Dani was *irresistible*. She was plush, her skin smooth, and she was so complex, so whimsical, so *everything*. I don't know how else to describe it.

She kept me together through thick and thin, eating my heart as if it were no more than a chocolate cake with strawberry glaze on the top. She was a rich chocolate cake with the extra-perfect glaze on top.

A present with a bowtie on top of the head.

*Everything* the sun and moon touched with their light.

But Dani aside, I *still* hadn't confessed to Father that for years, under his nose, I was a lesbian, found girls *attractive as hell*, and was dating Dani.

I just *couldn't*. The words weren't there. Conviction was out of town, not in my heart. I didn't have the strength or motivation to tempt fate.

I trusted Father with my life... but the chasm was too big for me to cross. Could I *really* trust him with my most personal secret, the one that had permanently changed me all those years ago?

Nonetheless, I wouldn't get the time necessary to dwell on these issues, as the household was plunged into freefall unexpectedly in February.

It was a normal, quiet winter day when I was rewatching *Alice in Wonderland* and was at the end when a scream overtook the motionless atmosphere of the house.

"***GODDAMN IT***!"

I gasped, inadvertently turning the TV off. That was *Father*.

Father was *irate*.

Father had *sworn*.

If Father was *irate* and *swore*, *something* was *mortifyingly wrong*.

I carefully made my way to his bedroom, each step aging me by five years, and peered in. He stared at his laptop, veins on his forehead popping out, chestnut eyes *ablaze* with the fire of an enraged father. His fists were clenched so tightly I thought he was going to dig his nails into his skin.

"D-Dad?" I stuttered, calling out to him in an attempt to diffuse his tension and calm him before he exploded and tore the door off its hinges. "W-What's going on?"

His fists still clenched, Father growled, "I got *laid off* from my job. A *good* paying job! Winterlyn, we don't *have* a viable source of income, and I don't know when I'm getting my damn **severance pay**!"

I gasped, pressing my back flat against the wall, my heart thumping into the rattled bones of my ribcage. Father stood up and paced, muttering gibberish. I was *shocked* to my *wits* from what I'd just learned.

Father *lost* his job. He worked as a systems engineer for a software company, which paid him hundreds each year, and had enjoyed his job and his coworkers in online meet calls.

Now, our source of money was *gone*. Father had *no job*. We had *no source* of money; the watering holes had dried up.

Father also lacked his severance pay - the pay he'd get from being terminated.

"I don't *understand*! I had *everything* lined up, set in *stone*, and they went ahead and **dumped me**! Our money, **stolen** from us by those *mules*... I can't fail the promise I made to your mother, Winterlyn. I **can't**!"

Father's pacing became more frantic, more hurried. His fists were swinging by his sides like out of control pendulums.

I didn't know how to respond, but panic was welling in me too.

If Father didn't find a job ASAP... I couldn't think about those *horrors*, so I tried to remain positive.

"Dad, you aren't breaking mom's promise," I assured him, giving him a much-needed hug. "You can find another job that's well-paying, and we'll be fine!"

Suddenly, Father pushed me off, startling me, and his eyes *blazed* with flame.

"It's not **EASY** to find a new job, Winterlyn!" he snapped, and I shrieked. *This* Father was a Father I had not seen for a *long time*.

This Father was *dangerous*. The pocket knife was concealed in his pocket. Could he pull it on me if he didn't relax?

"Dad, please calm down! I'm sorry... I'm just trying to be an optimist! Please!" I begged, and my small form did the trick. Father chilled, his shoulders dropping and facial features less defined, and he sat on the bed.

"God... I- I'm sorry, Winterlyn. It's just... stressful, and I have my fears. But it isn't healthy for me to take it out on you."

"Mom would want you to discover a new job," I said.

"Yes, you're right. Ever the optimist, just like Lorelei... I won't let you down, baby."

He hugged me and gave me a typical Father kiss on the forehead, softening and reverting to the loving Father I had known. "I'm going to try finding some job offerings. Go finish up *Alice* and help yourself to a snack."

"I turned the TV off. Movie's over."

"Oh..."

As I left, I thought back on Father's atypical behavior and his *infuriated* remark at me. That was *weird*. I didn't want Father to act that way and certainly not toward me...

...because it only made me more close-guarded of the smoking guns I swallowed those years ago.

Nothing improved in the days following. Father was *extremely* irritated, yelling at every little thing, from making food to cleaning and going out to do chores, hissing nonsense about money and not wanting to fail me. He blinked a lot, and his hands swayed, twitched with his impatient, hurried movements.

There was an *animal* sealed in Father that I *feared* would come roaring out to attack me. That *animal* growled and snarled, enraged that Father hadn't found a job and wouldn't anytime soon. He *needed* to soon.

With Mom's death, I was relying on him to keep the house and our finances intact, to fund my school years and the necessities I required to thrive. If he didn't have sufficient cash, we'd be in *grave danger*.

Danger of losing it *all*, betrayed by humanity and scorned by faux prophets and gods.

Every night I slept uneasily, cold sweat trickling down the back of my neck, as my brain fought urges to think about the future, on whether or not we'd be broke and forced to live in squalor on the street.

Forced to move in with Saul for Varien knows how long.

Saying goodbye to the home I'd known for eleven years of my life...

Dani was confident the crisis could be averted, though she knew of the inner turmoil unfolding like spring flowers in me, and she treated me to eskimo kisses and hugs.

"Winter, your father is going to get a job. You aren't going to be evicted! Keep remaining optimistic, have *hope*! It'll be tough and a rocky slope to climb... but *don't* underestimate a parent's love for you."

"I hope so, Dani..."

Optimism and hope were my crutches. They *needed* to carry me forward.

In the springtime, the situation hadn't improved at all, which only heightened my anxiety and panic until I wasn't getting sleep, instead spending all night thinking about eviction and passing out on Saul's sofa.

I wasn't the only one not catching their Z's in the McCormick house. Father woke up fully depleted of energy and grew purple bags under his eyes. Searching for a job had worn him out, and he *still* hadn't found an open application *anywhere*.

He forgot to tend to Mom's garden, leaving the task up to me, and I scrambled to fertilize, dig out weeds, fend off bugs, and water the plants, bleeding hearts, and trees before they died and spoiled one of Mom's most sacred gifts to us.

Father *couldn't* break the oath he'd made to Mom. He couldn't become so negligent of the garden... and what would happen when he'd start to *neglect me*, a child incapable of living on her own?

We were running out of money to pay bills and taxes. By now, Father was *speeding* around Pineshadow doing small jobs for uneven lumps of cash and coins, and when he'd return, he'd brush past me, a stain on the wall, and collapse asleep on his bed.

I was right. He was beginning to neglect me. I was forced into being a Matilda and it was all thanks to this *scourge* dealt on us.

So much for having optimism. I was at least comforted though by Dani, my grit-and-nails girlfriend who held me through my cold sweats and enactments of my worst nightmares.

Tensions simmered, and cracks appeared on the floor beneath me. The writing was written in bloody red ink on the wall.

Father's time to find a job was *slipping away*. He needed to find one in the next month, or we'd face eviction, be kicked out of our house, and have it claimed. We'd have to live on the street, homeless, begging for change, or worse, beg Saul to let us in and stay with him, which would also strain him of his resources.

I didn't want to move away. I *couldn't*. Not when Dani was here, and if I was separated from her, I'd bleed out. It'd be the end of the *entire freaking world* to lose Dani.

The house was making me physically ill. Father's erratic behavior and growning paranoia terrified me. I started to feel unsafe in my own house.

Where was an escape? I was even struggling to listen to Varien and flow with her discography, not seeing the legendary dream worlds each and every vocalist sang about. I wasn't even able to visualize *Snowlight*, too frought with worry over my future and what would become of our home, our *heaven*, and *Father*.

Losing everything I'd known...

Father's temper grew shorter and shorter, and his rage became woven into his face. Every time I saw him, his mouth was carved into a stony scowl. Then he'd be gone, and he wouldn't even acknowledge me.

Were you still in there, Father? Did you remember me?

It made me scared as *hell* of what he could do if pushed over the edge. If one secret came loose. If one rock in the dam broke, it would be dismantled, and my home and my integrity would be flooded and destroyed.

*Everything* I loved would be lost, destroyed, torn to shreds...

Dani was terrified, her own words eating at her, and there were days where I'd break down in her arms, terrified of what the future would bring to me and Father. I didn't want to leave Pineshadow. Pineshadow was my *home*.

The trees, the atmosphere, the forests and woods, the towns, the people, the links to Mom, Father, Dani... *how could I leave that all behind*?

Dani soothed me, wrapped me in a blanket, gave me eskimo kisses, and whispered that she wouldn't let the world cave in on me. She'd be there for me and would protect me from the deluge, give me a home if necessary.

I couldn't leave the person I loved. Mom, from her place in heaven, wouldn't let that happen either.

When things kept escalating and I was put on the verge of screaming in hysterics, Dani rushed me to a place that I *could* temporarily call my home... for a few hours.

The Piney Woods. It was as if she knew how to cure me of the depression and anxiety looming over my head like a willow tree.

Those gigantic, enchanting pine and fir trees, the way the ground crunched under my feet, the moss on the rocks, the creek, the whistle of the wind through the branches and leaves, the open clearing where Dani and I replicated *Sacred Woods*...

Around me, the trees shielded me, protected me from my mounting fear of being homeless and evicted. They soothed me into relaxing, into finding a place where I could take a breather and get the color back in my face.

And with Dani by my side, affectionately nuzzling with me and snuggling in a cushy bed of pine needles... I knew where to go to get away from the stress at home.

However, this came with a *major* unintended consequence.

One afternoon, I went into the Piney Woods to get a break from Father complaining to himself on how he still hadn't found a new occupation, venturing into the arcane knots of trees for a walk with Dani. I'd found peace and was ready to gear up for the rest of the day.

I entered the house, and Father was in the living room, staring at a strangely-blanked TV. He turned to face me, blinking.

"Where have you been, Winterlyn?" he demanded.

"I needed fresh air," I responded casually, careful so I wouldn't provoke him. I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water, noticing out of the corner of my eye that Father's nosebridge was wrinkling.

Weird... I shrugged it off and went on.

One footstep landed in front of the fridge.

"Why do you smell like pine?"

Without warning, I froze, slowly turning to face Father, who had both brows raised and creases in his forehead. His eyes *burned* through my soul, the hole in my chest melting like butter.

Oh *crap*, I didn't think about the Piney Woods *literally* rubbing off on me.

"Uh... because I walked near a pine tree?" I lied, squeaking out a *heh*, and I knew *immediately* I'd screwed up.

Father's eyes narrowed. "Winterlyn, were you *in* the Piney Woods?"

I backed up, forgoing my mission to get a glass of water. "Dad, I *really* needed air-"

"*Answer me*. Were you in the Piney Woods? You *know* I don't want you *in there* for your own **safety**."

I shook, a gasp escaping my lips, and I backed up, Father trailing after me. I didn't recognize Father. This *wasn't* Father.

My heart was thumping, and I was getting chills. I was stumbling over my feet trying to escape, except there were no routes I could take.

I stopped, clutching the sides of my hip, and Father's glare prompted me into speaking. I *had* to. I was making him more suspicious.

I fessed up, risking for rewards in an already stressed house.

"Y-Yes! Okay, I *was*! But listen to me, dad! I was with Dani! I was *fine*! The woods aren't what you make them out to be!"

Father's lips parted to a tiny snarl, and his brows furrowed. "*Winterlyn*, why did you disobey me? I get you were with Dani, but you *aren't supposed* to be in there. And from your admission, this *clearly* wasn't the first time you were in there **without permission**."

"*No*!" I shrieked, shaking my head frantically. "Dad, you don't *understand*! Dani *wanted* me to see the woods, and I... you wouldn't *get it*! The woods have been speaking to me since my *youth*. I *like it* in there! It's another *home*! The trees, the space, the calm... it's *charming*!"

Father was *stunned* at my admission. I had willingly broken his rule and was *proud* of it. Dani had roped me in, and we'd both made *mountains* in there.

Father wasn't pleased at all, and combined with the events of late, he was *fuming*.

"**Winterlyn McCormick**! What did I **tell you** about **disobeying rules**?" he spat, edging closer to me, and I was nearly at the entrance to my room. I was descending into hyperventilation. Father was going too far. His fists were clenched, hanging next to the pocket that had... that had...

...*that had the pocket knife*.

Was this it? Was I going to be cut and branded a sinner?

Had Father lost his sanity?

I gulped, shaking my head to and fro.

"Dad... stop... I'm not hurt!" I showed him my arms and face, no cuts to be seen. I had survived the Piney Woods numerous times, frolicked, even, and came out unscathed. Wasn't that enough to persuade Father otherwise?

No. It was inconclusive evidence.

"I don't care if you're unscathed or *not*," he hissed, "you *aren't* allowed in the Piney Woods! They aren't *safe* for young children like **you**!"

The mood changed in me in a second, and I fired back a challenge of my own, growling.

"That accusation is **unfounded**! *You* don't know what it's like to feel *protected* by trees closing over your head. Discovering **flowers** in the undergrowth. A clearing to share my imagination with. You want to find ***fault*** with me for me and *Dani* exploring *together*? You're gonna blame me, but not ***Dani***? Both of us? What's your ***problem***, dad? I don't **understand**! I **won't let you** take the woods **away** from me. You've done ***enough*** to limit my ***FREEDOM***!"

I panted afterward, catching my breath from the fiery cannonball I launched at Father, and he was *stunned*, again. *Stunned* at his own daughter's fire matching his.

Like father, like daughter. And my argument was augmented by Dani's vocabulary, which she had lent to me, and I thanked her, though she was not there with me.

I was going to defend the Piney Woods with tooth and nail. I was outmatched in power and force, but no McCormick instantly surrendered in a fight, especially not me.

Unfortunately for me, a daughter could only manage to stand defiant against her strict father for so long.

"So it was **her** that led you ***into there***!? I **don't like this**, Winterlyn. Daniela's a great lass, but is she **really** leading you in the right direction, leading you to a place you're **forbidden** from entering? What was going through Daniela's *head*?"

*What was going through Daniela's head?*

At once, I let out a snarl. "Don't you **THINK** about ***harassing Dani***!" I snapped.

Father snarled in turn, leaping at me with *flaming* chestnut eyes, and I shut my ice-blue, bracing for a jarring, rock-shattering collision. But then, he stopped and restrained himself. The ice-blue eyes re-opened. I was half in, half out of my bedroom.

Father was *trembling*. He looked at himself, then at the floor, morphing from dominant and outraged to a meek honest man embarrassed and ashamed for what he had done.

Almost *attacking* his own daughter for chasing her own heart, again, with her *really really good friend* in tow.

I stood on shaky legs, facing him expectantly. We'd both lashed out at each other, and the results were tiring on the both of us.

I saw the bags under Father's eyes. With no job, he'd been fighting *desperately* to cling onto something, yet had found nothing. He needed something to substain us, substain the house, so we wouldn't be evicted.

In the process, he'd forgotten to take care of *himself* and had taken it out on me.

"Oh... oh my... Winterlyn, I..."

He stuttered, walking into my room and sitting on my bed, shame filling him, and I reluctantly made my way to his side.

"Dad?" The hackles on the back of my neck were stil erect.

"Winterlyn, I'm so... I'm so sorry..." Father continued, rubbing his eyes, though they were tearless.

I put my small hand on his large hand, giving him a sympathetic smile. Father hadn't meant to become so *furious* with me. Regret simmered in every part of him, his face to his heart, and his stature had relaxed, the tension slipping out and away.

Clearing his throat, Father turned to me and spoke. "Winterlyn... I shouldn't have snapped at you over going into the Piney Woods. I know I can't control your thoughts or expect you to be so within the lines when you've always been outspoken... just like your-"

"-mother. Yes, dad, I know," I replied with slight exasperation. "But please don't do anything to Dani. It's not her fault I'm so rebellious."

"Honey, I'm not going to lay a finger on Dani. She's your best friend, and I can't disrupt what you have. You two have something special... it's not my place to dictate what you do."

I nodded firmly, my pointed stare preventing Father from leaving and going on another rant. He'd promised to avoid harming Dani or driving a wall between us, but I had to make sure he stayed clear of my girlfriend.

The person that *loved me* more than she could ever love her own life.

"I'd kill myself for Dani, you know that?"

Father raised a brow, appearing faintly incredulous that I was that *deep* with Dani. Little did he know that the pair of *really good friends* (I'm so sick of having to repeat this) had a lot of benefits... and had professed their love in the glow of the wispy moonlight.

"Trust me, I know. You and Dani have something that I'll never have again..."

Father's eyes misted in foreign chestnut haze, his melancholy drifting onto me, and I couldn't help but become more sympathetic of his situation.

He was exhausted from the job searching. Hating himself for exploding on me, his *daughter* and sole connection remaining to his deceased wife. Fearing he'd fail Mom. And now me and Dani being the perfect parallel of what Father wouldn't ever have again.

A *soulmate*.

"You find our friendship special?" I inquired, making sure I didn't automatically select "partner" or "girlfriend" and sparing myself of the firing squad.

Did Father... *like* the bond me and Dani had? The one that couldn't be malleable?

"I've always found Daniela to be that friend you didn't know you deserved, but would come to need. To me... Winterlyn, I have to be honest and purely honest with you. Daniela's like a second daughter to me."

*Damn*. I did *not* have that one on my docket.

Father *loved* Dani, so much so that she was like his own *daughter*. He cared for her so much. When his head cleared, that was why he ceased speaking about her so unfavorably.

He supported our "friendship." It gave me hope that I could confess to him of our love and just how much we *truly* valued each other...

...that died a second later because he had *only* just raged at me and I was a coward refusing to walk the line.

"You adore Dani?" I asked, and Father nodded, his gaze warm and hands tucked neatly on his lap.

"She's an extraordinary lass. You and her have something that makes you each light up. I'll never figure it out for myself, but some secrets between friends are better kept to those friends, right?"

Thank the *heavens* he wasn't nosing into my private business. "Right."

Father then yawned, rubbing his eyes and gazing at the ceiling. "There's something else I want to confess, Winterlyn, and it involves... the stressful events as of late."

Darn it, I thought we were heading somewhere *sunnier* and *positive* with this heart-to-heart, but I also suppose that you can't whack the elephant in the room with apathy.

"Yes?"

Father nervously shifted, his shoulder blades rising. "I've regretted not telling you right off the bat - I said I'd be truthful with you, but lately, it's been hard, because... I'm scared we'll lose *this whole place* if I can't find myself a new job."

I laid my head on Father's shoulder in a show of sympathy, and he sensed that I shared his thoughts, spending each night an insomniac and stressed to the point of wanting to tear wads of hair out.

"With every passing day... Winterlyn, I'm *horrified*. I sit there and doze off, thinking that I can't pay our bills, our rent, our taxes... I'll mess up and damage your mother's legacy, ruin our futures... thinking we won't have *anything* to eat..."

*Christ*. My eyes widened a bit at the last part, something I hadn't remotely dwelled on.

No money equals *no food*. We'd be starving and having to beg Saul for his refridgerator.

We could *die* of starvation. No, Winter, back up, *wayyyy* too grim.

"Dad... do you think we're going to be evicted?" I questioned in a whisper, looking at him with a pleading look, a plea for him to hard deny that we even faced a shot at eviction.

Instead, he shook his head. "I'm... I'm not certain... Winterlyn, I'm so sorry. I'm not being the dad you need, being a sacredy-cat about the future..."

"You're being honest with me," I pointed out. "Dad, I love you and I *need you* to try. No McCormick gives up on a fledgling life."

"Oh, Jodie used to say that all the time in her teens..." We shared a small guffaw, and Father wrapped his arms around me, making sure I stayed with him, *close* to him. I didn't want him to leave or tune out the music in contrast to facing it.

We had to power forward. Life sucks, and it's cruel, but we *had to*.

"Baby, I need to admit to you one last thing..." Father murmured, his chin pressed into my backside. I gave a *mmm*, encouraging him to spit what he'd been thinking out.

His arms tightened. I was being *squeezed* into him, and if he was bear-hugging me, I knew a *deadweight* was sitting on his chest.

"Winterlyn... you're growing up so *fast*. You've matured quickly, and you're so... *advanced*. I... I just-"

Finally, genuine, real tears flowed from his eyes, and I peered up at him.

"I don't want to lose you when you're so young! You're beautiful and a blessing and the *best thing* I could've ever wished for. Nothing else *matters* to me but *you*, and I just want to give you the best life and see you *smile*... I'm just worried someone of malicious intent is going to steal you from me, and I don't want Daniela to lead you away from me forever..."

At that moment, I should have seen his last sentence as a red flag, a precursor as to what was to come. The possessiveness, the rising paranoia, the belief that without me in his solar system, everything he did was for naught.

But I was too naive to catch on and kept on hugging, diving deep into his warmth and relaxing in his arms, a flashback to the young girl I once was.

Father thought he'd lose me to *evil*. To the *atrocities* mentioned in the Torah, or someone of just plain bad intent.

It'd *never* happen. We were father-and-daughter, meant to be *forever*, bonded in the wake of the tragic loss of the sun in our lives: Mom.

I wasn't going *anywhere*, not when we depended on each other and *needed* each other.

"Dad! I'm not going to leave you behind, even when I'm grown!" I promised, sitting beside him yet focusing in on his concerned soul. "Dani leads me on many misadventures, but I'm not ditching you just to tour the world with her. There is *no* evil *hooligan* who's gonna kidnap me in the dead of night. I'm a fighter, and I have your *temper*! Pretty useful, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I suppose..." Father still wasn't on the same page as I, but I knew he'd listen to me.

"You don't have to fret. What I need you to *do* is to keep searching for that new job. It's really bleak out there, and the world is a dark, sometimes dangerous place... but in the dark, there's this lantern that lights your way..."

"And it'll be my new job, and we can be saved..." Father finished, the light in his chestnut eyes flickering back to life. He smiled, wiped away more tears, and sniffed.

"Winterlyn... thank you, my love. Thank you so much... I've always appreciated your creativity in communication... even if it confuses me."

"Me being a tomboy isn't enough for ya?" I teased, blowing a raspberry.

"*Please*, I've seen *more* than just that," he replied, ruffling my hair, and for a moment, his form was back to being solemn.

I cocked my head, curious. I thought he said we'd be done after that last admission?

"Your insight's made me feel more relieved... and I *need* to go lay down, take some painkillers, and get back online. But Winterlyn, I'm going to ask something of you. *Never* forget who you are inside, down to your roots and your heritage. I understand your issues and lack of connection, but it's stil a *part* of you and your influence. Others should not tempt you into trudging a muddled path and straying from the rest of Judaism's tenants."

I resisted the urge to groan and shove him off my bed and out of my room. *Seriously*? You had to remind me of the exact thing that turned me into an athiest and Varien idolizer?

Was there a hidden aspect of Father I *hadn't* uncovered? Why was he suddenly so interested in roping me into him *again*? I thought we were *over* that...

With tensions running high, I guessed that he was just more on edge. Still, part of my back was run down with a shiver.

*Why would dad believe an insane thing like that would ever happen? I'm not ignorant or facetious, as Dani would put it. We have our flaws, but we're family and we work through them. I wouldn't abandon the person who comforted me through losing my own mother and the person I rebuilt the pieces with,* I thought to myself as he exited the room, letting me interact with my thousands of thoughts.

It looped again and again. Father was *possessive*. Father *needed* me to be *with him* through every waking hour.

He wasn't trying to restrict my freedom, but it seemed like he couldn't let me go out into the world as well.

The shiver traveled down my spine.

Father's behavior wasn't just *erratic*, it was cutting into my inner sanctum and my heart.

The chasm of being open and out of the closet or playing Cloak and Dagger grew *wider* and *cadaverous*, its blackness licking at my toes.

Why was I *here* and not over *there*, where the pine trees and birds were? Where I could hold the hummingbirds in my palms and shield the bleeding flowers from the dangers of the unknown?

What *couldn't* I be?

What was *Father* trying to be? It was a question that ping-ponged off the walls of my brain.

Would he *ever* accept the secrets that bobbed in the sea held within me? Or was *I* the one trying to be something I couldn't be?

Eventually, when spring was at its peak and the pollen floating off the buds on the trees started to make me sneeze, when the birds invited me to come fly away, and when *Ancient & Arcane* was beginning to feel *super* relatable, Father's mining struck a vein of *gold*.

At our local CVS, there was a job opening for a cashier at the front of the pharmacy (not the cashiers who dish out your prescriptions). He applied and was accepted.

The job paid well, and we no longer stayed up for hours past midnight concocting imaginary scenarios where we'd be on our knees for Saul's house - or in my case, running to the Piney Woods with Dani to forget the world's sins and crushing pressure. Father still had dissonance from within him, a long aftertaste from Mom's death, and at times, he seemed empty. But he was Father, the strict Father-isms aside.

There were no more woes to be a worrywort about, and sleeping in bed was living the *dream life*. Never did my blankets feel so silky and comfortable. Was I counting sheep or *holding* sheep?

Who cared? I was celebrating the last few days of spring with my girlfriend. We crafted haphazard flower crowns from grass stalks and petals, played tag, climbed up trees, and admired the mountains, woods, and forests from afar.

The views were *stunning*. Dani was more *stunning* in the sunlight and the sunsets, tinted a vibrant red and orange, her amber eyes *shining* an extra shade of orange that melted me like a chocolate popsicle left out in the sun for five hours.

We were so high up, so I didn't care about Father and let my body slide up against Dani's.

*Bliss*.

In the Piney Woods, we'd snuggle in the pine needles, where no one could see us, not even Father. He was *clueless* of this forbidden sanctuary we'd found, *missing* what was right in front of him.

He'd turned a blind eye to the secret wishes for kisses, the eskimo kisses, the *I love yous* and the flirting. The touch. The bond. *Everything* about us.

We had it *all* to ourselves. Who cared if it was forbidden? As long as Father *never* knew - until I was ready to brave my plague of refusing to come out and tell Father who I *actually* was: lesbian, madly in love, and *proud* of it.

During our time in solitude, I'd purposefully loosen Dani's hair so it was long. I'd done it so many times that she was accustomed to it, but her giggle was *precious*, and so was her form with her black hair spilling out behind her shoulders.

She even let me brush it out, and afterwards, would press her nose to mine and tell me that she made her feel ten times more beautiful.

*This cute adorable dork was my everything*.

Spring called it quits for the season and gave way to summer, me and Dani's last summer before we'd be shipped off to middle school for the long haul.

The last summer before our rite of *passage*.

Becoming *real teenagers*.

We had to make this a summer to *remember*, a summer with a lasting legacy, a summer that to us would be longer and even more forever than the previous.

It would a tune reverberating in our ears and our hearts, a *time* where we'd be alive.

Me and Dani knew where we had to go and what to do.

Cue the music and roll the tape!

We ventured back out to the community pool, taking dives in the cool crystalline water, but this time, as romantic partners, two with a lifelong, passionate link, and we traced what wasn't traced, got closer than anyone could ever dream of us.

We ran through open fields in the broad daylight, collapsing when we'd break out sweating and laughing from the exhileration, the *thrill*, that summer carried in its mild winds.

At night, we'd try to catch fireflies in the tall grasses at Pinelake Park, scouting for the yellow-and-green bugs, though they were elusive and evaded our capture. Dani and I didn't give up, though, and we were relentless.

I ended up catching a cicada while Dani got a cricket. We released them back into the wild and cheered at our success.

With water and tea in canteens Rex purchased us, we strolled through the Piney Woods, hiding out in the pine needles and dreaming the day away in the clearing, imagining that the woods had woven a transparent dome over our heads.

Dani became obsessed with photography, using her phone to take pictures while I kept the Polaroid with me for the more personal, in-depth, *untouched* moments that we'd come to share.

At the mall, we sat by the fountain with spoonfuls of ice cream or cookies, the colorful, swirling leaves drifting on by us, and we waltzed underneath the awnings at night, the lights above us Charlotte Haining's Spanish night sky from *Hypnotique*.

I was the innocent human being, and Dani was the hypnotique, her eyes mesmerizing and telling a tale of an enchantress who had traveled the Seven Seas, perilous mountains, and wind-clipped moors to find her salvation, her love - me.

We had each other *spellbound*, and our tale was straight out of a fantasy book, happy ending and all.

As the days progressed closer to the school year, we were prepared for our first anniversary. *First anniversary*.

For a complete, awesome, bright, crystal-clear year, we'd gone on adventures, dove into secrets, made promises, explored ourselves, and discovered what we had was *far* more than just a rock-solid friendship, but the highest peak of life there was.

Finding *the one* and experiencing just what love *was*.

A permanent, lasting, *powerful* chain link that bound us for *life*. Wherever I went, Dani followed. We were never alone and would not be, as long as we fought side-by-side and challenged ourselves with every task at hand.

We kept going and going, driving around Pineshadow and to the cities in between, running through the halls of enormous malls, dining at the fanciest restaurants (no, there's no *Lady and the Tramp* scene, you hopeless romantics), holding hands under the tablecloth, the secrecy and intimacy obtained in plain sight, yet still covered, just the way we liked it.

In our rooms, we'd lock ourselves in and watch TV and movies for hours on our technology and take naps, waking up to the sun filtering through our windows, forcing our scrunched-up eyes open. Dani would rub my cheek and rest on my chest, her gratitude and affection trickling into my heart.

"Hiiii, gorgeous," she greeted, her voice sultry, and I'd blink to find her *just as gorgeous* form hovering above me.

"Hi," I yawned.

"I wuv you, Winter."

My heart instantly melted, I'd scratch her behind the neck, messing with her fluffy and silky strands of black hair. "Wuv you too."

The summer fun never, *never* ended. Dani and I had pages to turn, spaces to fill, and tenents of our love to chase. Not a single person could tell us what place we had to go to.

Weirdly, I found that I'd stop worrying about whether Father would notice my interactions with Dani. He seemed to enjoy her the more she visited, told stories, and *insisted* I was a walking *spectacle* to be with. I was her *oracle*.

She may have not come to me in a crystal ball or had been foretold, but the most unexpected encounters in your life could forever alter your path and open your eyes to the true beauty standing before you in all its glory.

Contrary to the previous year, where we didn't do anything, Dani told me that we should celebrate the 4th of July by going to a fireworks gathering at Old Town Pineshadow, and I *agreed*.

I'd never seen fireworks up in person. Mom, who required a tight sleep schedule due to her lupus, hated the sound of fireworks, while Father was uneasy around them because, to him, the loud popping sounded too much like gunshots.

But that sentiment had seemed to randomly percolate out of him, as he agreed to take me and Dani and let us sit on top of the Subaru to see the reds, blues, purples, and other colors explode in the starry night sky. People cheered in awe at the shapes and symbols the fireworks formed, *booming* to the sky, and Dani and I were *oohing* and *aaahing* each one.

From the mini cooler perched next to her, she plucked out a single Bomb Pop, coated in the flavors and the appearance of our country's flag.

"Wanna share?"

That *smirk* returned, and in an act of haste and with Father's back turned, I took a lick from the Bomb Pop, and it was a fruity *explosion* on my tongue. I giggled.

"It tastes like liberty..."

Dani took a lick of the other side, adding, "for all of the United States..."

We laughed, sharing the Bomb Pop, hands interlocked, as the fireworks and the freedom of July 4th boomed and clapped thunderously, breaking apart the black in the sky.

*Finally*, on the day we had been waiting for, our anniversary came. One year had passed since me and Dani had laid together in my yard, surveying the stars, doused in the moonlight and the starlight, as we confessed our deepest secrets and professed our love, starting the embers of our relationship and fanning the flames from there.

Our fire had gone from a small spurt to a *blazing inferno*. The passion was *alive* in our veins, in the pounding of our hearts, and in the stares that locked when our eyes met.

As the sun set in the Piney Woods, Dani proposed we take a picture in the clearing to commemorate the anniversary, and with the Polaroid, the dream was accomplished. When we got to my house, it was tucked safe and sound into my box, where it would stay with all of my other personal memories.

That night, we dozed off peacefully in the backyard, Dani on my chest. We were dragged back in by Father, who didn't know whether to laugh or be concerned that we were about to host an accidental sleepover in the gradually-chilling night air.

I had never felt more *complete* than I had. I had *everything*. I had the lover, the girl I had *yearned for* for years, a doting father who lit the way, held me when the world spun like a hurricane, and protected me when one of my sacred guardians was taken too soon.

I had discovered a world like no other in a land just less than a mile from my home, brimming with magic and greenery that would remain abundant even when thawed and hacked at in the winter time.

I had *found* love, *embraced* love, and had been taken to the *highest* summit on earth.

I'd pushed through obstacle after obstacle, broken walls, broke through skyscrapers, dodged poisonous snakes, and climbed mountains, to get where I was.

It felt so *real*... so *legit*.

This was the *height* of my life.

But what goes up must come down.

Unbeknownst to me, this sated, drug-inducing, whirlwind high marked the slow *beginning* of the *end* of the life I had come to know and adapt to for almost twelve years.

I didn't even see the bullet train about to collide with me, masked in the lens of a pair of eyes no longer so half-closed.

Late August was back, and the summer air was in its final, crisp days before fall would slowly set in, taking away the warmth for chilly mornings, windbreakers, and the rustle of dying leaves and the creaks of elderly tree trunks in the copses nearby.

It was the first morning for me and Dani at Pineshadow Middle School, and I was quite *nervous*. This was my transition to middle school, and from here, things would *heat up*.

Middle school was the time where you had to mentally prepare for *college*. Dani was going to be told front and center to consider an Ivy League institution, while I knew practically nothing about colleges outside of sports (giving Father credit where it's due, *again*).

Middle school is where the *tough* got going. Middle school was the era where you began to nip at every fault in the world and collapse with the weight of *mental strain*.

There were *clubs*. More classes. *Long* lunches. That's what I had heard from Rex, the principal, as I had previously mentioned.

I was nervous, but still consumed my cereal, and Father dropped me off at the entryway, giving me a hug.

"I love you so much, Winterlyn. This is going to be a *huge* change for you, but you'll adapt, okay?"

"I'm going to be alright, dad," I urged, nodding. "Dani's going to be with me any moment now."

I felt surprised eyes pierce me - there were no other parents standing on the concrete entryway to the brick expanse making up PMS - and Father was a weed that *desperately* needed to be exterminated.

He seemed to get that he was unwelcome, blowing me a kiss and exclaiming a final, "Love you!" before driving in the direction of the local CVS.

The crowds of students gathered en masse outside, waiting for the doors to open to the next stage of life: *embracing* the art and direction of being a teenager, dealing with stricter teachers, and having *eight total classes*, so claimed Rex, spanning from eight in the morning to three in the afternoon.

I felt eyes pierce me, causing me to glance around preemptively whilst gripping my backpack straps... they felt *familiar*.

Before I could give it some thought, footsteps sped up to me, and an eager young girl in a long-sleeve pink shirt, royal-blue cuffs, gray sweatpants, and white sneakers seemingly teleported from the stairwell to somewhere Elysian.

"*Dani*!" I yelled, picking her up in a hug and spinning her around, earning us a few *what the hell* glares from some of the older students in the crowd.

"Winter! This is *it*! We're teens now. We're in a whole new jungle."

"Are there fun and games?" I asked, tilting my head.

"No. Only *hell*!" Dani roared back, waving her fingers to overexaggerate her point.

I laughed, unable to withstand her idiotic, magical charm, and I held her hands, pressing my forehead to hers.

"Let's manifest a good year."

"Let's manifest that we don't die!"

"That too."

Just then, the doors to the school opened, providing us an inside glimpse at our new education hub. Out stepped Rex, who had donned her "serious principal" attire for the year: a white overcoat which covered a bluish-purple sweater, a red skirt, gray pants, and dark brown boots.

"Welcome, students of PMS! For those of you in your seventh and eighth grade years, me and my staff fondly welcome you back with open arms. As for the sixth graders, we know the transition between elementary to middle can be challenging, but don't get your tongues in a twist! We'll make sure you're accomodated appropriately and settled in these first few weeks. Our teachers are looking forward to teaching you intelligent pupils!"

Dani beamed, taking a moment to wallow in her *astounding* amounts of smarts, while I just nodded my head. I wouldn't say I was *smart*; my intuition was constructed of Father's fire and obsession with nature and all things Varien.

Rex continued her speech. "For those of you that know me, what I'm going to say now is rather redundant. But I'm Principal Rexalia Granold, preferably, Principal Rex!"

"Or the T-Rex, because she can be *vicious*! *Rawr*!" Dani growled in my ear playfully, and I *sshed* her since a male seventh grader was giving us an irritated side-eye.

"In a moment, I'm going to unlock these doors, and all of you will go to the tables by your last initial to receive your schedules. If you believe there is an error, our counselors will be on standby to make corrections, and there will also be staff in the halls to help you navigate to your classes!"

That was useful. I knew *nothing* about this place. Dani, on the other end of the seesaw, knew it like the back of her hand since her mother gave her exclusive tours when she was younger.

"With that being said, students... welcome to your 2010-11 year at Pineshadow Middle School!" Rex bellowed, unlocking the doors and pulling them back just in time to avoid becoming pancaked into the concrete by the onrush of stampeding students.

There was no turning back now. Me and Dani were ready to face the next step into growing into adolescence. And this was something *bigger* than we could ever *imagine*.

It's not the things inside my head that keep me going

Don't need someone to throw me money, they should show it

We entered into the center area of PMS, which was wide and had bathrooms off to the side. Down the hall were sets of white tables marked with initials for students to obtain their schedules. The color scheme of the school appeared to be gray, brown, blue, and green, though there was some black accenting here and there. Looking at the walls, I saw that the school's mascot was Needles, and our nickname was the Pines.

Pineshadow *Pines*. So creative, ten out of ten, totally recommend.

The flooring was tiled to appear like an explorer's compass, and natural light flooded in from a glass dome above, which caught me by surprise. Synagogue had a colored stained glass dome, and while this was miniscule, it was still a surprise.

And... *beautiful*?

Keep chasing shadows, they're always haunting me

But I believe in something bigger, bigger than me

"Winter...? Earth to Winter? Are you trying to transport yourself into the Piney Woods again?"

My state of awe was interrupted by Dani, who pointed me to the tables with my initials. "Oh! Uh, I'm just... getting used to my surroundings."

"You'd better move before Ms. Snarkalator appears, or she's gonna chop off your ears and mount them on her fireplace wall."

I gulped anxiously. "Who's.... that?"

"The hall monitor."

Note to self, *don't piss off hall monitors*.

Bigger than me

Dani and I moved to our respective initial tables; she was at the A-D section while I was at the M-P table.

"Last name, please," the lady asked me, shuffling her papers.

"McCormick, Winterlyn."

"Winterlyn McCormick... ah, here we go. Please go take your paper and head to your first class."

Oh, bigger than me

I nervously snatched the paper and read out my schedule. My first class was... *math*.

Oh *lord* they had started me out with the recurring thorn in my side. *Great*. The following classes were gym (ew), science (meh), art (reasonable), English (two periods, but okay), Spanish (*save me*), and history (my favorite).

I nosed at my schedule, studying its typewriter-esque layout. Dani stepped up to me.

"Got mine! I got math first period, hell yeah," she whispered.

"So do I!" I cheered, excitement bubbling in my heart. *Yes*! Dani and I were together!

Bigger than me

"Oh my *god*! *Yes*! Winter, this is *perfect*! We're gonna kick ass together!"

"Wanna cross-reference schedules?" I questioned. Dani agreed.

"Yeah, let's do so before class starts."

We put our yellow paper schedules next to each other, and suddenly, both our faces were stricken with *severe* disappointment and shock.

Dani had a *different* teacher for all eight of her periods. None of her classes matched mine even *once*.

A curveball had been smacked right into our faces.

The grass is greener when you're jaded and chasing dreams

They promise miracles but nothing is what it seems

"**No**!"

We turned to each other, dismayed, and Dani was shaking her head.

"We... we have *no classes* together! This is a bunch of bull!"

A staff member stared at her, and she shut her mouth promptly. I sighed.

Dani and I were going to be split apart *the whole year*. It was frustrating. I was going to have to bear it alone without my flame and partner in crime... and probably be forced into making new friends. Kailee and Sigourney were nowhere to be found.

You get your video on YouTube and MTV

One million hits, so last year, four million is what you need

"I'm sorry, Dani. I wish fate could be a little... more forgiving. But I have to go before I get late, and you should too. I'll see ya on the flip side, okay?" I gave her a quick hug, which she reciprocated, her amber eyes shimmering with love.

"Okay. See you after school."

Parting ways was extra painful than it needed to be all thanks to the schedule shakeup, but I went to my math class upstairs and settled down in a corner spot by the window, waiting for my teacher, Mr. Swellby, to enter the class.

Once it began and a torrent of unfamiliar, bored sixth grade faces had poured in, the *real test* had begun.

I'm climbing ladders and falling onto snakes

I'm dodging haters, don't know how much more I can take

It was just first day basics, getting to know the teachers and procedures, and starting out with basic introductions and lessons. Okay, I could get used to this, but I couldn't get too comfortable.

Training would intensify, and we'd be faced with propositions never uttered in elementary. College aspirations. Jobs. *Our futures*.

So forth, the first day progressed at the rate of a snail, each teacher either grating and lifeless, putting on fake smiles and an agenda of fake happiness, pretending to care about the cacaphonies of voices, or smiling with a whole heart and a love of students. Oh, the drama!

It was *just* the basics and light work. Not too strenious. I could make it.

Keep getting closer, the prize further away

Someday I'll get there, someone please save a space

And *then* I remembered the school year would end in *May*. Light years *away*. Ughhhhh. Time was too *slow* and stagnant. Time, why can't you bend to the will of the humans? I didn't want to be trapped here *in a bleached hell*.

I may be exaggerating describing school like this, but boy, if you know what's coming, you *know* what I mean.

I *needed* a game plan on how to survive - and preferably a plan not relying on Dani's company every ten minutes.

Please save a space

The first periods went by smoothly, my test of stamina prevailing with flying colors, and then it was off to lunch.

In passing period, I'd find Dani, who seemed to be chiller than a sack of frozen cucumbers, swinging her lunchbox and bobbing with her class to the cafeteria.

I waved at her, but she seemed to be preoccupied and didn't wave back, her heart and mindset likely geared to the ever-present notion of conquering the curriculum.

She was the queen, and I was the queen of her obsidian heart, roaring like a lioness with a mane to protect it and shield it from wrongdoing.

But I keep chasing dreams

I leave them at my feet

Lunch time was brief, and ours was thirty minutes in length. Dani vanished fast, likely to trot off to wherever her fifth period was, and so I went to mine, English.

The book we were going to be class reading this semester was *One of Us Is Lying*.

FYI, this book is important later down the line, so keep your eyes peeled... but not too much! You'll rip out your corneas.

My heart on my sleeve

I wait for you to call me

The next few periods progressed, and Spanish was the slowest, because I did *not* know any other languages besides English and desired to speak English only. My Spanish was *broken*.

And I kept pronouncing *llamas* (pronounced more like *yamas*) as... the *animal*. The stares I got from the Hispanic children in my class spoke volumes about my natural-born ineptitude.

Oh freaking well. Mrs. Cortez had an alarming amount of patience for someone that spoke in Spangrish.

The last class of the first day came - history. What type of history? World history! And my teacher is a familiar face to you if you've paid attention to what some certain accomplices of mine have mentioned.

But I keep chasing dreams

I leave them at my feet

Out of all eight of my teachers, Mr. Naecher cleared the other seven by an *humongous longshot*. He was gray-haired and had a love for his disciples. He greeted every student with a handshake and smile, having us share a personal fact (it was cool beans to everyone when I just said I had a snowflake birthmark on my shoulder none of the would *ever* have the privilege of seeing).

I sat in the middle of the classroom, and as a first-day gift, got a set of colored pencils and a history map that we'd use to discuss the world's features, countries, human devastation and achievement, and more.

The day was *over*, just like that. *Hallelujah*! I *survived*! I *lived*! And I'd have to survive a hundred and sixty something I-have-no-idea days more, but I had *escaped* day one!

Which meant... *I could finally reunite with my flame*.

My heart on my sleeve

I wait for you to call me

The rumble of the crowds of students overtook the hallway, but not bothering with the noise and cluttered chatter, I sped out into the open air, free of the weights on my shoulders for the moment, and came *face-to-face* with an elated Dani.

I blushed, having not expected to almost collide with her and send her toppling onto the concrete, me on top, our legs tangled, our body heats intensifying with the maddening desire to feel the love, the *burning* passion, the coals of the deepest links and forbidden movements we cherished.

"H-Hi," I stuttered in a trance, and Dani flicked my hair tips upward.

"We made it onto the flip side. You seem to be in one piece," Dani observed, scanning me from head-to-toe, and I jumped, my shoulders screaming in pain from the backpack slung over them.

This is bigger than you

This is bigger than me

Our dreams will come true

We just have to believe

"It was... *something* I'll need to get used to," I muttered, looking down at my feet. "I *hate* Spanish already."

"C'mon, Winter. You'll be speaking *Español* in no time, *sí*!"

"We'll see... everyone wanted to laugh at me when I pronounced *llamas* like it was *the animal*."

Dani strutted up to my shoulder and rubbed it, placing her head on it and nuzzling the corner of my neck, which tickled faintly, and my shoulder slacked, giving her space to cram her chin there. She felt so... *comforting*, all nice and snug, and it brought a smile to my face, making me forget for a second time that the school year was going to be strenuous.

This is bigger than you

This is bigger than me

A sense of urgency

Please listen to me

"The first days are always the most frustrating. You'll get the hang of it, Winter. Believe me!" Dani exclaimed, her eyes closed. I *swore* we were getting looks, and a pair of eyes *still* felt naggingly familiar...

I shrugged it off, leaning my head to touch Dani's. She was right. I knew what was coming, and it would be a challenging duel, a bloody, numbing fight to the finish line - but with her, my dreams were knocked in a more realistic array.

You know what? I thought I *could* do this.

This is bigger than you

This is bigger than me

Our dreams will come true

We just have to believe

"I believe you, Dani," I whispered, tempted to fall asleep then and there and drift off with her angelic touch in the crook of my shoulder blade.

It was not to be. A car horn honked, and Father pulled up; I immediately jumped away and waved a hasty farewell to Dani before I returned home.

When we arrived, I flopped down on the sofa, my backpack hanging down beside me.

This is bigger than you

This is bigger than me

A sense of urgency

Please listen to me

"Aw, Winterlyn, I wanted to go take you to Starbucks to celebrate your first day of middle school...." Father murmured teasingly, staring at me through lidded but loving chestnut eyes.

"It's Monday, dad..." I whined, planting my head into the pillow.

"Well, I'm going to go get some tea, and I'm getting *you* something. No complaining from you."

"Fine..." I was dreaming about... some lesbian things when Father came back with some tea and a cookie for me. Mission passed, *respect*.

After that, the rest of the week went by of me sucking up my chagrins and quirks with PMS, and the work hardened a bit. I was fighting a fire-on-fire war with math problems, not heeding Rex's warning to avoid getting my tongue in a twist (there were many incorrect answers spoken aloud), but doing alright in art and other classes.

Mr. Alann, the art teacher, appeared to have taken a liking to me, as I had gotten the seat near his desk, stained from years of paint usage.

"My, my, Winterlyn, what do you have here?" he asked as I worked on my first prompt of the art year: a still life outline (we were not required to shade).

"A... sphere, on top of a log," I explained, bunching up my shoulders in embarrassment.

"A log! Not any of my students have used a log to prop up their object..."

Now I was *blushing*.

You keep denying, but fueled by your desires

You want to try it and see with your own eyes

*Why are you praising me? Dani's the one who has talent, and I just fantasize about kissing girls and wandering the depths of nature,* I thought, squeezing my thighs.

"I, uh... I like nature?"

"Very useful! You might find yourself prospering with ideas from Mother Nature. Have fun with your project."

I nearly dripped into a puddle of goop on my desk.

With your own eyes

The work piled on, the work*outs* became grueling (at least they didn't make us dress out, I can't *imagine* changing in front of people...), climbs up the stairs were migraine-inducing, lunch was salvaged by Father's cooking, and history was the breather I *needed* from this *emerging hell*. I could listen to Mr. Naecher rant for hours and be immersed in his lessons, since he always made sure we were attentive and he spruced things up, using visual cues and presentations to assist his lessons in coming to life.

History is where I *belonged*. My classmates were easygoing and patient, and the teacher was gold caliber, friendly, enigmatic, *engaging*.

Seven classes whammed my body against the tile floor. People were a nuisance. I missed Dani, though she wasn't as far away as my heart seemed to depict - it *wailed* and *kicked* and *screamed* for her.

It wanted me to drape my hands over her shoulders, to hug her, to drink in *what* made her Dani, to run off and do the things only traditionally-forbidden lovers would do.

They try to tell you but all you hear is lies

They think they know you but I'm always in disguise

It wouldn't be a shock to you if I mentioned my mind traveling away from those history lessons and into the land only a lesbian could make come to fruition with a snap of her fingers.

These thoughts and achings were relieved when school ended, and I'd reunite with Dani. Together, we'd do this secret handshake Dani helped me come up with, hug, whisper the events of the day, and wait for Father to come pick me up.

The second day passed. The third day passed. Fourth day. Fifth day.

Always in disguise

I'd survived a whole *week* of Pineshadow Middle School, and I'd begun to realize...

...that maybe, just *maybeeeeee*, this wasn't going to be as dastardly as Dani and Rex made it out to be. I mean, I *did* have Dani, close, far apart, but still *here*. We weren't separated by schools this time, but unified under one single roof.

I had some supportive teachers, and a *ton* to learn, and lots of ironing out Spanish on the ironing board before I managed to make people stop glaring at me for every slipup or clunky accent.

But I keep chasing dreams

I leave them at my feet

It may have been tulmultrous and caused a great amount of tossing and turning. It may have drained me of my energy or sweat in my sleep. But I *had* to have *aspirations* for accomplishing the school year.

What was *next* after sixth grade? Seventh grade. What about *my* future and what *I* wanted to do?

What was out there in my destiny besides college?

My heart on my sleeve

I wait for you to call me

What was in it for me and Dani?

I had dreams to chase, so many it was blowing fuses in my own brain.

Dani had her fair share of battles as well - annoying classmates, and some who were beginning to be snobs to her, making my hackles raise. She said she had it under control, and I hoped it would stay that way.

I hadn't encountered any bullies, but even then, I could sautee them with my attitude and fortified grit alone. You *never* piss off tomboy lesbians, we do indeed *bite you back*.

But I keep chasing dreams

I leave them at my feet

On the second week, me and Dani walked in hand-in-hand. The tables for schedules were gone, and we were now assigned to go the gym and wait until the ten minute marker for passing period began. We'd play games on our phones or watch movie clips, affectionately pressed up body-to-body, warmth jumping between.

The bell rang soon afterward. Dani put her phone in her back pocket. "Week two, baby. Break a leg, Winter!"

"You break yours, Dani!" I retorted, and she laughed.

My heart on my sleeve

I wait for you to call me

"You're speaking to the *expert*. And if I broke *my legs*, you'd be the one paying my hospital bill, tch!"

"Ugh, you got me!"

Dani blew a raspberry at me. I blew one back. Boy, weren't we absolutely *professional*?

This is bigger than you

This is bigger than me

Our dreams will come true

We just have to believe

Just a second before we split for the day, we were encapsulated in the sunlight that shimmered down onto us through the dome, rays dancing around us in a display of dominance and light, and me and Dani fell into each other's arms.

People stared at us. No flying foxes given.

"We're being stared at, Dani," I pointed out abruptly, and she pulled away, gaining her composure back. "Oh. Right. It was just... the moment-"

This is bigger than you

This is bigger than me

A sense of urgency

Please listen to me

"The moment, heh... that's a me-and-you private thing."

"Yep."

Awkwardly catching glances, we went in the direction of our first classes.

This is bigger than you

This is bigger than me

Our dreams will come true

We just have to believe

Me and Dani had days to chew, days to combat the homework, days where we awaited the announcement of clubs and Long Lunch, as they called it, to reunite for longer than five minutes and get up to shenanigans that did not involve pulling the fire alarm, as most would typically think.

Nah. We were *different*. We were *craving* each other; this social distancing was outrageous, and the school *robbed us*, we thought, of the chance for us to grow, learn, and adapt to the new norm *together*. We thought we had it all, but got declined on the first day it began. It taught us a a valuable lesson - *nothing at school comes as it's advertised*.

Lies can be told. Tricks can be played. It was up to us to discover what was the lie and what was legit. What did the future hold? We didn't know.

There was no point in questioning. We had a *long* year ahead of us.

This is bigger than you

This is bigger than me

A sense of urgency

Please listen to me

The second week trudged on by, and it was mostly spent in assemblies with Rex and her staff explaining more general rules, how clubs and lunch would work, what to expect, what fun PMS had in store.

Fun? Yeah, you gave us that when we were stabbed in the back, treated to knife throwing and bull fighting, stale cafeteria food I hoped I'd never eat, tests, quizzes, annoying, entitled twats, and plenty of other unpleasant things I could name but won't because it'll be redundant.

In the end, though... it was strangely *worth it*. Maybe it was just because I was rewarded with meeting Dani outside and having her accompany me in the mornings and afternoons. Maybe it was just because I longed for my girlfriend to hold me and touch me where I loved being touched. Maybe it was just because of my willpower that I inherited from Father.

Middle school was going to be *brutal*. How brutal I did not yet know or foresee.

I didn't know that a snowball had formed on top of a hill.

It had begun rolling into something *big*.

I didn't notice it through the lap of still water against my feet, against the mud rimming the track field, against the grain the school atmosphere brought.

Middle school was the latest hurdle - but if I could clear a ton of hurdles in expressing myself and with my relationship with Dani, then who was I to claim that anything *couldn't* be possible?

Little did I know that instead of heading to the Promised Land up north, we'd actually be following the moral compass *south*.

I should've seen it coming through those eyes.

I was too naive to pay attention.

On the fifth week of school, a breezy and chilly September day, we got Long Lunch and clubs, much to me and Dani's excitement. Long Lunch was when lunch was extended to a full hour, one half split between lunch and subpar food, the other half clubs - hangout sessions where we'd supposedly make friends, learn something creative, or hook up the mind to the nearest fantasy outlet and dream away. I *yearned* for that club where all I could do was live out my wildest scenarios with full secrecy.

The club form came, and there were a wide array of options, from stupid to questionable to *what the hell not for me*, and the one that, in my personal view, was *perfection*.

*Young Dreamers Club*. No, don't let your eyes deceive you, it's *not* a fanclub for Laura Brehm - though I would have loved to hold an oration session for the *Valkyrie* trilogy and *Ghost Spores* for a bunch of bored troglodytes.

Rather, the club was for people who were ardent in their dreams, and it was a safe space to share those concepts. I signed up almost instantly and turned in my sheet to my fourth period teacher.

Would Dani sign up for this club as well? We did the *exact same things* together, always sharing an intertwined mind. I *hoped* she would. She loved to dream just as much I did, and she had *high high hopes* she was throwing darts at.

Me, in a calm room with Dani, spewing the rainbows of creativity, making new friends... *I loved it*. We could even form *our own club*.

I was a firecracker ready to head to Long Lunch, first to eat my delicious Father-crafted sandwich, *with Dani*, and finally, we'd get our chance to be two halves of a heart colliding, *for an hour*.

My heart was *racing*, my speed faster than a horse's gallop, as I bolted through the hall and saw a familiar long-sleeve blue-cuffed pink shirt and a black bun.

"**Dani**!" I hollered. Several sixth graders instantly gave me a sour look. What, did it look like I stole your lunch and blamed your dog?

Dani stopped, craning her head and seeing me, orange shooting stars crossing her amber-eyed terrain, and the most merry, wide smile broke out on her face.

"**Winter**!" she yelled just as loudly, and those same kids *glared* at us, displeased that we just *had* to make a scene, as "friends" did.

That *same* familiar stare bore into the back of my head, and twinging, I tried to detect it. For a *moment*, I *swore*, *swore* with all of my living essence, that I saw chalky-brown hair and a slitted dark blue eye...

Suddenly, Dani shook me, and I turned to face her. "Huh??" I asked.

"Are you... okay? You seemed peeved at something."

I shook my head, avoiding the possibility of scaring her or acting delusional. I was with her. It was *lunch time*, and in response, my stomach growled. Oh yeah, I *needed* to eat.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Guess hunger is gnawing at my stomach *that* hard," I joked, elbowing her, and she elbowed me back. We walked side-by-side to the nearest open spot at a table and sat down, willfully consuming our lunches and nodding along to idle conversation.

Then, once I'd finished my sandwich and apple juice, I laid my head down on the wood of the table, admiring my partner, who hadn't yet seen me gaze up at her with the ice-blue that froze her on the spot.

An eye flitted to me, and then, she stared at me back, giggling. "Back to marveling at me, Winter?" she teased, scratching my nose.

"Yeaaaah," I drawled, sitting back up. "I'm *stoked* for clubs today!"

"Me too!" Dani piped up, her fists clenched, and she bobbed up and down. She was *still* smiling, and her amber eyes were *shining* with the light of two solar flares.

"I know the club I joined is gonna be *dope*."

"Mine's gonna be *just as bomb ass*."

We went silent, prepping to say the clubs at the same time. Three. Two. One.

"Young Dreamers!"

"Literature Nerds!"

We both frowned, and the awkwardness sunk into our flesh, the moment of suspense instead proving itself to be *severely* underwhelming and anticlimatic.

Dani and I *didn't* choose the same club.

We were at the crossroads, and we picked the *opposite* road.

We were going to be *apart*, *almost totally apart*, for the *full year*.

"Oh..." Dani mumbled, appearing to be disheartened, and she glanced down sadly at her lap. I looked down at myself guiltily.

*It wasn't your fault... we're in different classes and can't always read each other's minds...*

"Hey... I'm sorry, Dani. I just..."

"I wanted to be in the same club as you too," Dani admitted. We still couldn't meet gazes, flooded by guilt and tension.

Dani and I were *always* on the same page of the book. We stood on the same ground. We sat at the same table.

Now we'd barely be together for *thirty minutes*.

Sometimes, I'd forget that just as much as we were alike, we were also *different*, too, and we couldn't be identical. Dani loved to read more than I did, and she was less a creative thinker, usually only going that route when going out on a limb built from *my* thoughts.

We couldn't do *everything*. It hurt, but it was the truth and nothing but that.

I put a hand on Dani's shoulder, soothingly rubbing it, and I looked up to meet her eyes at last. "Dani, we may not have the same club, but we have lunch. We both need to remember that we're different just as much as we're similar."

She nodded. "Yeah, you're right. I can't help but be bummed out, still..."

I didn't blame her. I was too. Was this school tirelessly plotting *against* us lovers existing in peace?

"I'll see you after school too. Don't forget that," I encouraged, scooting next to her, and she nodded, squeaking.

The guys and girls sitting a few feet away from us stared in disgust. "Can't you two be sappy *somewhere else*?" a guy demanded, more like, *snapped* at us.

"We got here *before you*, you sack of *potatoes* for brains!" I hissed in retaliation, clenching a fist and *burning* the group with icy fire.

They promptly shut up, albeit agitated, and I smirked.

"*Nailed* him!" Dani whispered.

"Thank dad. I have his anger issues." Aged like a fine, *fine* South African wine.

The rest of Long Lunch accelerated on by, and Dani and I bid farewell under the glass dome to enjoy our new clubs.

I can't lie, I *did* enjoy the Young Dreamers club. It was just a time where I could share with likeminded others my thoughts, processes, and quirks, and there was no negativity, only patience, bridge building, and globs of messy spider webs for clouded visions.

None of the people in the club filled the hole in my heart that was in *pain* for Dani, who was reading ten chapters per minute from a book of her choosing. Meanwhile, in English, I was stuck with *One of Us Is Lying*.

Boy that title sure is relatable given what I'm going to discuss later. Take a guess as to who was lying. Hint: two people.

Anyways, back on topic!

Long Lunch spanned from Tuesday to Friday of the week, and Dani and I spent them chattering away, catching up on what we'd been missing, discussing classes, and all that jazz. Sometimes, Rex would come on stage to give announcements, but it was virtually impossible to silence a cafeteria full of sixth, seventh, *and* eighth graders.

Things were peaceful, content, in the still breeze that whisked snow off powdered mountains. Winter was coming, and with it, the white snow, the thin, sword-tipped icicles, the bluish tinge of frost, and icy roads that glimmered in the early morning sunlight.

Peak *Snowlight* visualizing season was around the riverbend.

But the snowball on a mountain was rolling, enlarging itself, and it was plain to behold in the lens of the naked eye.

Darkness was lurking, tucking itself into the cranny between the heel and sole of my boots.

The air had seemingly gotten saltier, but I was too naive to question if anything was out of the ordinary.

A few weeks into Long Lunch, I noticed that Dani was in a game of smoke and mirrors with herself. She was... *distant*, out of it in her chatter with me, and was almost absentminded, like someone had straight-up snatched her train of thought and cleaved it.

"Dani, is something bugging you?" I'd ask, but she was held firm in denial and asserted that she was *fine*.

Outside, when we'd meet up post-school, she'd then act normal, like Servpro had *literally* smeared her with their motto of *it never even happened*.

She'd take to holding my hand, *tightly*, leaning up against me, burying her face into the sunken treasure of my skin, hugging me, until Father arrived to take me home.

Her behavior was a *tad* uncharacteristic. Dani was *never* clingy. Lately, I just couldn't seem to repel her from me, not that I never enjoyed her company. It was just... *why* was she so reclusive at lunch and in the morning, but not when school was over?

I became worried - if something was troubling Dani, she *should* have told me what was going on. She never lied or kept *secrets*. Dani would *never*.

When she didn't even acknowledge me one morning, I knew it was time to take action, and when I sat down with her at lunch, I scooted up to her and tapped her on her shoulder.

She glanced up at me wordlessly.

"Dani, you know you can tell me if something's troubling you, right?" I pointed out, gingerly tracing lines on her shoulder blade.

To my relief, she faced me, but her head was in her arms on the table.

"I've been *wanting* to... but it's brainless," she muttered. "I don't think you'd agree with it anyway..."

*What* was brainless to her? *This*? I swallowed an itchy lump in my throat, fearing she was going to be *sick* of me.

"Are you sick of me-"

"**No**!" she retorted quickly, waving her arms. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have given you *that* impression... Winter, I've been troubled, yes, you're correct about that..."

I almost collapsed into the girl next to me, *relieved* our relationship hadn't hit the rocks (yet). I corrected my posture to be relaxed, and I slid my hand over to Dani's, tapping her knuckles with the digits of my fingers.

"You can tell me, it's alright. I won't judge you."

Dani bit her lip nervously, debating on whether to glue her mouth shut, but she sat up, turned to me, and sighed.

"I... I'm *heartsick* for you."

"Sssh!" I whispered, observing that our tablemates were watching. They looked at us with raised brows before returning to their lunch.

"We need a better place to talk about this," I remarked, and an idea ringed in Dani's head. She stood up, my hand in hers.

"Follow me. I know where." Confidently, she tugged me away from my spot at lunch, out of the cafeteria, and into the girls' bathroom. She threw us in a stall and locked the door.

This place *reeked* of public bathroom, and it nearly induced me into vomiting, but I leaned up against the stall wall and inhaled a deep breath.

Okay. We were isolated from the cafeteria madness, and Dani and I had *some* breathing room in the girls' bathroom that really really smelled like a bathroom.

Someone flushed a nearby toilet and exited, confirming that yes, we were *indeed* alone.

"Yuck," I uttered.

"My apologies, Winter... but this was my first thought," Dani said, abashed, her cheeks blotted pink. She held my hands, cradling them in her own, and shyly met the ice of my eyes.

"So about what I was telling you... I'm *heartsick* for you. The more time I spend in class away from you, the more I... I *miss you*, Winter! It feels like we're on different planets..."

I nodded, understanding where she was coming from. Dani was *missing me*, but didn't know how to voice her concern. That's why she was so clingy after school!

Dani only wanted my amity - how could I fault her for that? I did miss her, too. Missed hearing her voice, her whimsy thoughts, her jokes, her beauty...

"I feel the same way," I confessed, and she lightly gasped a, "Really?"

"Dude, there isn't a single person in this *entire school* who could fill the voids you leave behind. You're the axis that keeps the earth spinning..."

"That keeps the moon revolving..."

"Apple of my eye, a-"

"Cherry to my pie!"

We erupted in laughter and hugged, slamming into another stall wall. I did not give a damn about the bathroom smell anymore. Dani was *my priority*.

I had gotten her to smile again, and she was lit back up and ready to rock. All I had to do was give her a guitar.

"If it helps, Dani... you want to make this... *unhinged horror* our next meeting place?" I proposed, innocently twiddling my fingers.

"You'd do that??" Dani asked disbelievingly, and I responded by eskimo-kissing her, erasing her worries in a mere minute.

"It smells like trash, but I could care less when I'm with you."

That was enough to sell Dani, and she gripped me in a *backbreaking* hug I'm shocked didn't knock out three of my vertebrae. But I let her warmth envelop me and let the worries evaporate.

After what seemed like eons passing us by, Dani broke the hug, and I expected for us to return to the cafeteria and get to our lunches. Yet my girlfriend had something *else* on her mind.

"Anything else?" I prompted casually, keeping my tone level.

Dani dragged her foot on the ground, caught between two realms - she seemed more hesitant about this one, but took a long, steady breath and threw it at me.

"Have you told your father about us yet?"

An *anvil* was dropped onto my foot, and surprised, I took a step away from her, hackles bristling and hands raised to my waistline.

Why did she ask me, of things, about *that*? The short answer was *no*, I had not, and *no*, I didn't *want* to.

How could I be straight with her about Father? I hated remembering that I hadn't confessed to my impeccable, bold-faced queerness, telling him about us.

Father loved me, but he sure as hell still loved the Torah and his Jewish teachings.

Would he *ever* view me the same way if I came out to him? Would he think my attraction to girls was *justified* because of my standout personality? The way I had, for years, defied the average Jewish norm?

There were so many risks, but plenty of time... at least, I thought there *was* plenty of time.

However, *I wasn't ready*. Time was on my side. I *needed* more time.

"N-No... why are you asking?" I demanded, slitting my eyes in confusion. I was *dumbfounded* Dani would even ask that question.

*Why*?

"No need to stress! I was just curious!" Dani swiftly interrupted, stressed out herself, and I relaxed, but only a little.

*Why* was she getting into business I had to resolve myself? *Why* did she want to know if I had come out to Father? I told her before I would in my own time.

"Okay... I *will* come out to him in the future, Dani. But not now. I need *time* to approach him and think..."

Dani opened her mouth to speak, but the bell rang, and suddenly we *sped* to the cafeteria, grabbed our lunches, and headed to clubs, never picking up the subject again.

Throughout the rest of the day, I was still *befuddled* by Dani asking me that question, drifting off to dwell on possible answers.

Was she impatient? Concerned with me? Or was there something about Dani I wasn't noticing? What wasn't clicking?

When the bell signaling the end of eighth period rang, I walked out of school and slammed into Dani's backside, startling her, and she went toppling towards a brick pillar.

"**Ah**!" I screamed, grabbing her just in time and saving her from a broken, bloody nose. She eyed me in shock, but also regret, and I saw that the tips of her ears were red.

She had been upset earlier.

"Oh, Dani, I... I'm sorry..." I apologized, hanging my head. "I didn't think my conversation with you would upset you..."

It was my turn to be surprised. Dani yanked me into a hug, pressing her nose and forehead to mine.

"I should be the one apologizing... I shouldn't have been so brazen. I only asked because I really want your dad to see us being... *us*."

Answer obtained - she had only wanted to check in on me. It wasn't exactly her business... but I trusted Dani with my whole *life*. She wouldn't do *anything* to harm me, and Father liked her.

There was *nothing* sinister brewing. *Nothing*. I relaxed and smiled, raising my hand to hold her cheek, but choosing not to because of the people staring at us from the shadows.

"I'll tell my dad when I want to, Dani, okay? It'll be some time, but *time* is what I *need*. I've never understood some of my dad's behavior, and I want it to be professional. He used to be a conservative, remember that. He might *still* be."

"I doubt it. He *seriously* loves you," Dani responded.

"He does, but he's put me through *hell*. I need time."

"Okay," Dani conceded, hugging me for a second time before pulling away, turning back towards the entry to PMS. "I have to go help mom pack. She has a business meeting."

"See you soon!" I called out, waving. She didn't wave back, and I could feel the muscles in my face falling.

Dani's behavior was *unusual*... something wasn't *right*. What *wasn't* I seeing?

She had been clingy. She'd been *wanting* my attention, which I'd promised to give her at Long Lunch. She didn't want to let me go. And now she wanted Father to know of our relationship?

*What was changing*?

The snowball was gaining traction. It was getting *larger*.

But I was still too naive to see the cracks forming in the concrete under my boots as I awaited Father.

Days flung on, and Dani and I would sneak out of every Long Lunch to chill in the bathroom stall for at least fifteen minutes, sharing the close, personal intimacy, and to me, all seemed well and content, the world running like a river, the cool air from the vent whistling in our ears...

Dani reached for my chin and rubbed along the sides of my face, tracing delicately and so carefully it made goosebumps form on my arms, a whole legion of them prepared to head off to war. She'd trace carefully and with as much accuracy as she could, feeling my bones and the softness, and in turn, I'd lean into her and do the exact same thing, nuzzling her affectionately, which washed our worries back into the shores of the unknown, focused us on the latter half of the day, and energized us with each other's grace.

She didn't seem to have any qualms when back with me, yet there was this strange fog in her pupils when she interacted with me, like she was storing a secret behind a triple-locked compartment that she wouldn't let me access.

Dani *wouldn't* hide secrets from me willingly. She found herself confessing each and every one to me. This one was one she wasn't willing to let slide into my palms that easily.

I didn't want to breach her privacy, though, and kept the lingering smoke in my heart to a minimum. Why freak out when we were immersing ourselves in our undying warmth?

Here, in Dani's arms, I had *nothing* to break a sweat about, *nothing* to fear... when we were together, we were a diamond and an emerald *unbroken*.

I was wasting my time acting concerned. Everything was fine.

One day, though, in October, struck me. I had gotten to school before Dani and took my place in the bleachers, hands folded in my lap, and I was scrolling at the new Varien pics she had uploaded recently. God, she was *beautiful*.

I heard footsteps shuffling up to me, nervous, unsettled footsteps, and I put my phone face-down on my thighs.

"H-H-Hi..."

It was Dani, and I peered up to find a key detail of hers *sitting* on her face.

She was wearing *glasses*, square and black-rimmed.

Dani had *glasses*.

My mouth fell open in stupor. Was this why Dani went quiet? I didn't realize she *needed* glasses. I thought she wasn't nearsighted.

"Dani! You have glasses!" I exclaimed, ever the obvious one (Sherlock is rolling his eyes), and she blushed, pulling at the hem of her shirt.

"Y-Yes... I do... you don't think they're weird?" she asked, her voice oddly squeaky and mousy, and I picked up her hand the moment she sat down.

"Dani, you look perfect in everything, whether it stands out or blends right in. You'd think I'd seriously condemn you for a pair of glasses?"

"I have to wear them. A doctor said I'm getting nearsighted in my classes..."

I frowned, cocking my head to my right. That didn't make *sense*! Dani *wasn't* nearsighted, not even close. She had exceptional eyesight and always took care of herself. She was healthy, not a kink or a bump to be seen.

How did her eyesight decline so dramatically here?

"I know, it doesn't make sense. I think the lighting's too bright in my classes..." Dani murmured thoughtfully.

"Let's test it. Take your glasses off and look at me," I instructed. Dani obliged.

"Do you see me? Am I blurry? Distorted?"

"I see my girlfriend smiling at me and showing me five fingers... so that's a massive *negative*." She put them back on.

"It has to be lighting. You should probably inform Rex and see if she can do something," I suggested, giving her a slight smile, but Dani still had her doubts embedded in her.

"I'm not sure if she would believe me," she admitted under her breath. "She listened to every word the eye doctor said..."

Dani wasn't usually this small about a change. She looked to be a hermit crab scrambling for cover, a shell, to protect herself. But *why*?

I put a hand on her back, wary in case we were being stared at. The last thing I wanted was for people to make assumptions about me or us when Dani was already going through the motions of something.

"Dani, is there something else I should know?" I questioned, rubbing her back and pulling her into me, refusing to let her go.

She gazed up at me with eyes half-closed. "Winter, I-I don't want to be bullied f-for the glasses... I don't want people calling me a nerd, or some vile name..."

I softened, pressing her into me and briefly resting my chin on top of her head, not for long, keeping in mind the audience that flanked us on all sides.

She rested there, gripping onto my brindled jacket we had recently shopped for together at the mall as if it was her last chance to save herself from drowning.

"Dani, sssh. You're alright. You're with me," I soothed. "I won't let anything like that happen to you. Just be *you*, and if anyone starts to harass you, tell me or Rex. Tell *someone*. You won't get hurt, I swear on Varien's name."

She broke through the clouds, summoning the courage for a grin on her face, and just like that, Dani was back to being Dani.

The *sweet* and *precious* Dani my heart was *screeching* for.

"You're so cute," I whispered, and she blushed, giggling. The bell rang, and we were off to classes.

Two weeks swung through, and Dani managed with her glasses, earning more of my adoration in our bathroom jail cell (lovers only, no admission) or just at Long Lunch.

Strangely, I began to feel those pinprick stares again, from someone familiar... I looked around, but couldn't pinpoint *who* was staring at me. Or were they staring at Dani?

Upon greeting me, Dani would be fidgety, glancing about nervously, and the stares from familiar and unfamiliar faces intensified.

Something was amiss... but I didn't figure it out for myself until the incident at Pinelake Park.

The terrible, ugly, and *no good* incident.

Late October was here, and it was getting chillier by the day. The trees were already barren, dead leaves decaying in bundles on the ground, and Pinelake Park was run aground in the brown, yellow, orange, and red mess. It didn't deter children from playing, though.

The afternoon was calm when Dani and I, along with Father (who believed I still wasn't ready for trips to the park alone yet), went on a simple playdate.

He was still blissfully, *blissfully* unaware about the *really really good friends* and their forbidden relationship. Okay, I need to stop saying that, it's irritating me.

Holding hands, Dani and I ducked under the hidey-hole where we had first met, and shivering in her long-sleeve shirt, she snuggled into my jacket, exhaling warmly in peace.

"You're so toasty..." she yawned, shutting her eyes.

"Love you," I whispered back, ruffling her head.

"I love you too, Winter."

I shut my eyes as well. Why not sleep here on this day? We warmed each other up and *loved* snuggles. Especially Dani. It was only fair to give her snuggles when she'd been under stress at school.

Gently, I perched her glasses so they rested evenly across her nosebridge, then closed my eyes again.

*Thump*.

*Thud*.

*Stomp*.

"We're playing Capture the Flag, boys! Whoever finds some live prey and takes it back alive first shall be the victor!"

Instantly, me and Dani's eyes shot wide open, and we chewed on our lips, apprehensively staring up to find the feet of many boys stomping giddily and messily above.

Our time had been *stolen* by those *idiots*. Dani whimpered, and I held her neck close to me, sensing her building fright.

I knew what she was thinking: they'd target her for the glasses. Not all boys were like that, but I hoped they wouldn't roughhouse with her.

"Will those boys notice us?" Dani asked, and looking down at her wrist, goosebumps were forming. She was getting more afraid by the minute and twitching with the lightest bit of anxiety. She was staring up, up, and away at the boys romping above us.

I rubbed her under the chin, giving her some comfort to distract her from her growing fears. "No, they won't. And besides, they wouldn't care about two girlfriends hiding under a park castle."

Dani gave me an *are you sure* look before she relaxed, only to stifle a gasp when a pair of feet dashed across the woodchips and leaves, visible from the hidey-hole.

"You're okay, Dani. Nobody will harm you. Not when you're with me," I said, filling with sympathy. Dani would *not* be bullied in our safe space, and *hell* not with me around. I wouldn't let it happen. Come to think of it, Father wouldn't either, if he happened to notice mishaps from the picnic table he was sitting at a distance away.

I relaxed, laying against Dani and preparing to fall asleep...

*Grrrr*.

My stomach had disapproved of my decision to eat half of my lunch earlier. Gooooo figure. Hunger pains stabbed me in the corners, and I assumed Father likely brought a snack for me to eat.

I didn't want to leave Dani, though. She was stressed, paranoid the boys would harass her for her glasses, and I feared if I turned my back for one second, they'd discover us and ambush her.

Yet if my hunger didn't go away, I wouldn't feel up to par. You don't act like yourself on an empty stomach... Snickers taught me that much.

The boys' behavior seemed to have quieted down, and I no longer heard the stomping above us. Things were back to being... *tranquil*.

It was merely a short walk to Father. I could replenish my energy with some food, and Dani wouldn't be banged up. Yeah. That worked, and I made my decision.

"Ugh, hungry again? I'm... I'm going to ask dad for something to eat," I told Dani, getting up to crawl out of the hidey-hole.

The hem of my Varien shirt was grabbed, and I was tugged back into Dani. Bewildered, I stared at her, and she had a plea-stricken look on her face that made my heart cramp and fold in on itself.

"Winter, I don't want you to leave me here... the boys are still up there. They could notice me!" she pointed out frantically.

*I don't hear them, though?* I strained my ears, expecting to hear the sound of a boy laughing, or someone moving, but I didn't. I didn't doubt Dani, but I just wanted her to remain still.

She could manage on her own - she was *capable* of that. She *kicked ass* with or without me. She had no reason to fear.

"Then why don't you come with me?" I inquired, but she became more frantic based on that alone and yanked *hard* on my shirt uncomfortably, startling me.

"I can't! They'll notice me with my glasses, and they'll bully me for looking weird! I've already been bullied in school-"

This almost made me gasp. Dani had *never* mentioned that she had been *bullied* directly at school for the glasses. No *wonder* she was so terrified of the boys and squeamish at lunch! I should've realized the signs sooner...

Liquid sympathy coursed through my veins, and at once, I pulled Dani into a *tight* embrace, giving her some eskimo kisses and cheek rubs. I *wouldn't* let my girlfriend get hurt, not today. She'd be fine on her own, just for a second, that I was confident of. I just wanted to make sure she was *okay*.

It was *okay* to not *be* okay. Dani required my assistance, just in this minor moment, and then I could get my snack.

"You won't get hurt. I promise. Now, I'll be right back," I told her, giving her a fond rub on her shoulder before I set on my jolly way to Father.

The air was tense. It was a cloudy day. Maybe it'd rain later? Ew, that would spoil our fun, though Dani liked the rain and I did not because it was sticky and humid and made me feel gross.

I arrived at my destination, and Father glanced up at me, leaning on the gray wood of the picnic table. "Hey, Winterlyn. How's it going?"

"It's going great. Er, I was hungry. Did you bring any snack for me to eat?" I questioned.

Father gave a quick nod, reaching into the depths of his small backpack and rummaging, yanking out a strawberry fruit bar. *Score*.

"Here you go, darling. Love you," he commented, plonking a kiss on my forehead. I ripped off the top covering of the fruit bar and leaned forward to taste the strawberry delight, my tongue almost to the bread-

A *gunshot* rang out across the park. What *sounded* like a gunshot.

That gunshot was a *scream*.

The scream of a *petrified* young girl.

Without any regard for my actions, I stuffed the fruit bar into the hands of a shell-shocked Father and *bolted*, urging myself to *run*.

I knew that voice. *I knew that scream*, and it could only belong to the someone I loved so dearly.

Dani was in *danger*.

*Dani!*

I quicked my pace, taking in long strides until I skidded to a halt in front of the hidey-hole, the sight before me *chilling* me to the very bone, and those bones weighed heavier than several cinder blocks.

Five boys - the ones that had been avidly playing a variant of Capture the Flag earlier, had surrounded Dani in a ragged circle. She appeared to have been horseplayed or slammed into the woodchips, the cream wood stuck to her arms and legs, and she grunted, whimpering in a severe extent of pain. Her right index finger had a cut, gushing a trail of scarlet blood, and her bun was loose and ruffled. Tears were threatening to fall from her eyes.

I was *sick*, unable to utter my discomfort or attack. Sick. Twisted. So sick and twisted...

"Hey *nerdy birdy*!" one of the boys, a tall one with bulk muscle for arms and legs, taunted, giving Dani a vitrolic sneer. "Do you just sit there doing *nothing* in math because you're *too smart*? Hmm? *Hmm*?"

"I bet she goes to this special school where all she does is complicated work. Pathetic! She probably has no life," another one of the boys with short-cropped hair remarked, and Dani flinched, the tears dripping down her cheeks. The boys grinned in diabolical gladdening.

They had their *prey*, and they were the *predators*. I was the *witness*.

My body couldn't *move*. It was betraying me. I *needed* to move. *Come on!* I willed myself.

"No! I'm not a nerd! Stop... please..." Dani begged feebly, trying to clamber up to her feet, and I watched her, cheered for her, *manifested* the best possible outcome.

It was the *worst* possible outcome; her cries and visible agony had bounced off the rock-solid hearts of the bully boys, and they weren't even *finished* with. They wanted to put on a *freakshow* out of her misery.

All of a sudden, one of the boys *kicked* Dani *violently* on her cheek, and her glasses went flying onto the woodchips, pointing up awkwardly. She made a mad grab for them, but time had run out.

The tallest boy *stomped* on the glasses with a thick brown boot. *Crack*.

The curse had been cast. Dani's glasses were reduced to *rubble*, the lenses shattered into pieces, the temples split in half at both ends.

Without them, she wouldn't be able to *see* anything in school.

"No!" Dani shrieked, choking out sobs as she felt for the pieces, all while the boys glared at her and laughed. This was her *worst nightmare*. This was *haunting*.

And then, Dani saw *me* standing there, not flinching, not reacting. Just *watching*.

She stared at me, her eyes half-lidded and teeming with tears that couldn't stop *flowing*.

The amber was *burning* into me.

Asking me, "Why did you let this happen?"

The blow tore into my gut, leaving me further wordless. Ashamed, I stared at the unappealing view of my boots.

I was such an *idiot*! I was an *imbecile*! Dani was *right*. I should have *never* left her side.

Because of me, she was endangered and her glasses were *destroyed* by five boys she *knew* would heckle her for her appearance. I didn't *do anything*.

I didn't *react*, didn't intervene, and didn't be the *savior*.

I *wasn't* a savior. I was the *antihero*. A pathetic, shabby antihero.

The antihero who's presence had alerted the boys to her partner hidden beneath their feet and *caused* the malevolent ambush.

Dani *feared* being alone. She *hated* the concept of being, or living, *alone*. I should have *stayed* with her until those boys had departed.

But no. I didn't. I put her in danger and cost her the glasses she *had* to use in her classes to properly see.

*All because I was hungry.*

I was beating down on myself hard, but I could have *waited*. I *should* have waited.

Dani was hurt, bleeding, and terrified. It was *my fault*.

I looked up again, seeing that those boys were encroaching on her, and she had shruken into a ball, sobbing, pleading for this shadow lullaby to cease. She'd surrendered, but those boys were *famished*, and her pain would be the food filling their bellies.

*Demons*. They were hurting my *partner*. They *had* hurt my partner! My *girlfriend*! And I was standing her like a circus clown performing a sideshow for *nobody*!

At that moment, hot *magma* started to flow through my veins, scorching the interior of my body, and my teeth parted in a *snarl*.

How *dare* those *ghouls* harm my *girlfriend*?

HOW *DARE* THEY?

I squared my foot, hardening in fury. In red-hot *rage*. My temper *snapped*.

Fists clenched, I roared and charged right in the middle of the fray, momentarily snatching the thunder away from the boys.

"***YOU FREAK ACCIDENTS STEP AWAY FROM HER RIGHT THIS INSTANT***!!!" I bellowed, and alarmed, they backed up. Apparently they'd forgotten the "nerdy birdy" had an *accomplice*, and there was no such thing as playing *cute* when *she* was around.

I sensed Dani's shocked eyes drilling me, but I had business to finish with these boys.

A *warning*.

Mess with Dani, and oh, I'll make you wish you hadn't been *born*.

"If I catch ***ANY OF YOU*** hurting Dani *again*, I will make it **my life goal** to make you **suffer**!"

The boys held up their hands, still unmoving. Flee, you bastards!

Something else had to prove my point. Luckily, on the ground in front of me was a thin tree branch.

I picked it up, and with a rage-bent growl, I snapped it *clean* in half, dropping it to the ground.

*Thud*.

The hefty branch was no more than a dismembered twig.

The boys, screaming, ran from the beast that had emerged from me, high-tailed it, and disappeared. From below, Dani looked up at the flaming-hot me, incredulous, quivering, and breathing heavily. It was the calm after the storm.

My anger faded, and I immediately knelt down beside her, tears escaping my own eyes, and I helped her to her knees. "Dani! I'm sorry! I shouldn't have left you alone... you were right. I put you in danger..."

My heart was *splitting*. God, I *screwed up*. God, *shrimp*. Why did I let this happen?

Dani sniffed and brushed away the tears, regaining her lost bearings. "I don't seem to be that badly hurt... but my glasses-"

Noticing the scattered bits and pieces of the glasses, I defiantly faced Dani and interrupted her mid-speech. Why did she *need* those when she could see so *clear*? When she could see me, her *love*?

"Who even cares about the glasses? You can see me clearly, right?" I asked.

Dani nodded. "Mhm," she rasped.

That was all I needed to learn.

"Then you don't *need them*, Dani. And don't *worry* about people bullying you for your appearance. You're already *very beautiful*, with or without glasses. To me, you're *everything* - through and through."

Speaking those words, I knew with conviction that I *meant them*. Dani was *beautiful*. She was *mystifying*. There was something in her from the start that had me on her heels, wanting to fall in her arms, to someday kiss her when we were older and had a grip on romance.

My words impacted Dani and granted her inner peace. She was far more relaxed now, breathing steadily, and she sighed. "Thanks, Winter."

She smiled, and I dove into her, hugging her. I didn't want to let go. I couldn't. I *wouldn't*.

Today had taught me a valuable lesson: to never abandon the loved ones when they need you to guide you through their phobias, issues, and challenges. I wouldn't abandon Dani *ever again*, or *neglect her*. What happened today was preventable. It should have *never happened*.

I had to protect Dani. She was so *fragile*, *tender* inside. I had to be the flame that kept her alive at night. I had to be the star that guided her when she sought council. I had to be *there*.

Corporeal or incorporeal, *I wouldn't let Dani down again*.

My head on her chin, I made an *eternal vow*, one I thought was encased in bedrock.

"I'm sorry for letting you down. I should've known better than to leave you behind. From now on... I *promise* to never leave you or abandon your side *again*. Whenever you need me, I'll be there beside you. I will *never* let freaks like those boys hurt you. I *promise*."

Dani deepened the embrace, pulling me into her, and we eskimo-kissed. We returned to the hidey-hole and snuggled away from Father's eyes for half an hour more.

I'd protected *Dani*. I'd *saved her*. I'd taught her to remember the inner beauty she had when everyone else thought otherwise.

I was going to *protect her*.

The snowball was nearly at the base of the hill. Time elapsed.

Why didn't I see what was coming?

Why didn't I see that my promise wasn't made in bedrock, but in weak graphite?

The skies were darkening into a stormy gray. The winds were howling.

A storm was coming.

The warning signs were just mere butterflies.

Late November had settled in, and the temperatures had taken the sky-high plummet off a pleateau, dipping their toes into the fifties and late forties. Overhead, clouds swirled and plumed, all bark and no bite, but carrying the looming threat of snowfall.

Summer had felt so long ago. Winter was steadfast on the horizon.

Dani was fairing *way* better than she had in the past few months, her composure even and strength molding her body, and she gave the impression that whether or not she had me at school, she'd get through this year *defiant* and *accomplished*.

It was *picture perfect* for us. Christmas was coming in a month, and before it my twelfth birthday. I wondered what Dani was gonna get me. A necklace? An ugly sweater I'd call the pinnacle of fashion?

Before all those days, even, before the festivities, was Thanksgiving break. Jewish families do not celebrate Thanksgiving; Father and I had no plans.

It was Friday, one full week before we'd get out early for break, and I stood outside the school, waiting for Dani to, in her words, retract herself from the office. She was moving boxes for Rex and handling some other organizational matters, as she had recently been promoted to Office Aide, a coveted position *every* grade at PMS fought to have.

Few earned such a prestigious privilege. Only the hands of the mighty and dutiful were deemed the chosen ones. Dani was a chosen one.

Well, duh, she was *Rex's daughter* and that was going to be imminent. Rex was a great mom... and maybe slightly biased.

Dani dashed out when the crowds had begun to recede, wiping beads of sweat off her forehead. "Whew! Office Aide duty is a corkscrew up my ass," she joked.

"Glad you're here now," I remarked. "Mmmm, so, break plans?"

"I'd say sleepover! It's been a little while since our last one."

"For *sure*. Stargazing night?"

"I gotta get you a telescope. *Then* we can see the *planets*."

"Dani, your mother isn't going to be thrilled when she finds you picking for scraps in her wallet."

"Psh, fine. Thanksgiving dinner?"

"Jews don't celebrate Thanksgiving, Dani."

"Oh, right! Forgot about that. Wanna watch some bootleg movies?"

"If *Joshua's* on the table, *bet*."

"Perfect! We can some drinks and some food... I'll persuade your dad to get some pizza. And maybe you can come out to him!"

The awkward record scratch sounded in my head, and blinking, I stared at Dani, who put her hands to her mouth and started to shuffle her feet and tap them on the concrete.

She had definitely seen my eyebrows crease and my shoulders rise on guard, how I'd tensed. She'd chosen... *poorly*.

A sour taste lingered in my mouth, and my brain's clockwork was springing out in places.

*Why*, *oh why*, *oh why*, did Dani have to bring *that* up for a *second time*? We were still in *fall*.

It hadn't even *been several months*.

I *still* wasn't *ready* to even speak to Father about identifying as queer yet. I *still* wasn't *ready* to admit the "friend" I'd been hanging out with and chattering nonstop about for a year was my *girlfriend*.

Father's offbeat, *crazed* outbursts in the job crisis situation and his vague *not follow muddled paths* warning resurfaced in me, and I chewed on my lip, fists gripped.

His behavior was *suspicious*. He wanted me *close*. He wanted me to *stay*, not be swept up into the arms of Dani all my life. It's like he was *secretly* watching me and Dani.

*Was he*? I gulped, my eyes piercing through Dani's.

"I'm **not** coming out to dad yet," I affirmed sternly, and Dani held her hands against her waistline as if I'd just sucker-punched her in the stomach. I patted her on the shoulder, too frazzled to dive in for a hug.

"I will when I'm *ready*, Dani. You *must* be patient with me."

Then I trudged off to Father's car, feeling the tips of regret dig into my skin.

Was I too harsh on Dani? Or was Dani digging a hole straight to a ravine?

A few days later, two days approximate to The Sleepover Night, when I thought we'd gotten over the issue at hand, my lunch became far less appetizing when Dani sat down, seized my hand, and held it under the table.

I wiggled it free, staring at her and frowning. "Dude, *what*? What's going on?"

I hoped I wasn't being a B to the itch with her, but *her* behavior was on the borderline of *abnormal*.

"We have to talk," she whispered, in her tone stony seriousness and faint flavoring of concern.

"Errr... can I eat my sandwich?" I interjected pointedly, and my stomach pledged its allegiance to me by growling. I took a bite and chewed slowly.

Dani didn't pry, but the moment I swallowed the last bit of sandwich and crust, she grabbed me by the wrist and yanked me into the bathroom stall, door locked, us alone.

I forced myself to relax, though my hackles were bristling. Dani was acting strange again, similar to how she had acted previously over the glasses and the abstract components at school dividing us.

Why were these feelings so *conflated*?

"Dani," I spoke, concealing my mild irritation. "What's so important that we have to be in here right now?"

One of her shoes was dragged on the tile floor, creating a *squeeeeeak* noise. She made no eye contact and let the words spring off her tongue.

"I wanted to talk to you about coming out to your dad."

I felt like I'd just stepped into *quicksand*.

"*Seriously*?" I demanded, my irritability breaking through the cracks, and Dani's pupils shrunk. She twiddled her fingers, *still* not facing me.

*Why were we talking about this and not letting go*?

This time, it was a *criminal offensive* few days since Dani had last brought that up. From her behavior, I sensed something stirring... something in the depths that was *lurking*.

What was Dani *hiding*?

"Dani, are you trying to tell me there's a fault in not being able to confide to my dad?" I asked, reducing my voice so as to not spook her.

Dani brought herself to look at me shamefully, and she shook her head. "No... it's..."

"It's what?"

"I just want you to get it off your shoulders. It's not healthy to hold in a secret for *that long*."

Oh give me a *break*. I could hold secrets in the deepest pits of the yonder, and I successfully *had*. I'd been a lesbian since I was eight years old, and Father had *no clue*.

As a plus, I was an *excellent* liar. He believed I had kindled interest in men, when nah, I was floating on a cloud having dreams of smooching girls. Mwah!

He *also* didn't know that I had been an athiest for *years* too. I still pretend-read the Torah, pretended like I bowed down to Yahweh and had him as my God, when my God was *a freaking musician*. I didn't care for the religious bullcrap.

"I'm *fine*," I retorted with an edge, making sure I was observing my tone and not upsetting Dani, let alone not making her believe I resented her.

"I can keep secrets, and you can keep mine. Dani, until I'm ready to tell dad, we need to be *patient*. Each of us. I can't take my chances prematurely and expect it to go well when my father's been strict and demanding for *many years* of my existence."

I stepped away from her, giving her room to breathe, and she nodded, uncomfortably shifting from toe to toe.

"I'm... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought this up," she muttered, unlocking the lock to the stall, but before she could walk out, it was my turn to clamp down on her wrist.

"Whoa! Dani, it's not all doom and gloom! Look, I may not agree with you all the time... and we've butted heads lately because of the school split and this... coming out thing. But I *love you*. You are the first and only girl who's *ever* truly caught my eye... the one that convinced me to push more boundaries with my dad. Coming out is a boundary I'm not yet willing to cross, but when I do? You'll be there."

"I'll be there," she whispered, a promise, and we hugged, proceeding to return to our lunch.

This uprising had been quashed. Things between me and Dani were looking up to the overcast skies, and heading into the sleepover, I was certain Thanksgiving break was gonna be a blast.

The winter was only *just* beginning, and it was a *cold*, *cruel* season lying in wait.

The snowball was barreling toward me at calamity-level speeds.

A web of lies was going to come undone.

I never even realized that the The Sleepover Night would be the last normal night of *my entire life*.

Friday came, and we were released early in the afternoon for break. I told Father about Dani's plans to have a sleepover as soon as I arrived, and he agreed, eager to see her.

"She's gonna beg me to order pizza, won't she?" he idly inquired.

"Yep. She *loves* the pizza."

"Welp, better call Pizza Hut in an hour or so. Do you want the breadsticks too, Winterlyn?"

"Yes please!"

I went to my room, organizing my bed and fluffing up the pillows for the sleepover, tucking our favorite plushies we'd swapped under the pillows. *Perfect*.

After that, it was just some simple house cleaning, and Dani arrived an hour later. Father was ringing up Pizza Hut and filling out the order, so in the meantime, we went off to my room and played *Astro Party*.

My craft had been kicked in high gear. Dani lost every round we fought.

"Winter, you *must* tell me how you're a *professional* at this! It's *ludacris*!" she exclaimed after our final round.

"A professional never shares her secrets." I stuck out my tongue at her.

"Meanie!" She tackled me, and we rolled over on the bed, nose-to-nose and skin-on-skin.

This had gotten a *bit* more intimate than we realized.

*Knock*. "Pizza's coming in fifteen minutes!"

Just as Father cracked open the door, we split apart, and I made sure to put distance between me and Dani for good measure. "Okay!" we both chirped.

We went out into the living room and flipped through the movie catalog, scouting through the bootleg movies, but none were really appealing.

"*Adventures of Tintin* got its trailer released. It looks terrific," Dani noted. "It's not out for another couple months, though."

"Bummer. Hey!" With the TV cursor, I pointed her to the live-action *Alice in Wonderland*. "Wanna see if it holds a candle to Disney's animated *Alice*?"

Dani brightened. "Absolutely!"

We selected it (thanks to Father's movie pack subscription to our provider, Ziply, we could watch any movie for free and didn't have to pay five bucks), sat back, and watched as *Alice's* tale was retold.

The visuals were... interesting, and it deviated quite a bit from its source material... but it was *spooky*. And the Mad Hatter was very... *redhead*? I preferred the original one, though. Johnny Depp couldn't compare to John Robert Hoffman.

It was like *Alice* had taken a tumble through a rabbit hole of scares, dares, kookiness, and *madness*. A thrilling cocktail that kept me and Dani hooked through the pizza, breadsticks, and water (soda is ew) consumed whilst the movie ran.

Father sat down beside us, also joining the movie watch party. He didn't sany a word, but did cast several glances at me and Dani, stared at his marriage ring, and then back at the movie.

Tonight was our night. He was gonna let us have it all to ourselves.

It was tranquil, just like the riverbank the 1951 Alice sat by with Dinah as she saw the white rabbit hollering about himself being tardy and falling down the rabbit hole. Not a tremor in the ground. Not a bird cry of pain.

Just *peace*.

Night had fallen, and it was dark outside. Most of the night television had ceased to make way for the late-night talk shows, and in this case, Father had put it on *Jimmy Fallon*, the closest thing he found entertaining to *Always Sunny* and *SNL*.

It was on an ad break. There was an add for chewing gum on TV. I'd leaned up against Dani, slowly being lulled away by the temptation of sleep, her body warm and serving as my new pillow. She'd leaned back in, focused on the TV, and we shared quick, affectionate nuzzles when Father was distracted. Father snorted at the gum jingle, wrung his hands, and stared at his marriage ring, thinking about Mom and how she'd adore a night like this, his chestnut eyes glassed over.

All was well. All was *peaceful*.

It would be the last seconds of the *peace* I had known for almost twelve years.

In the next ten minutes, my whole life came crashing *down*.

As my eyes were getting bogged down with sleep, Dani pushed me off of her and stood up, much to my confusion, and I blinked my eyes.

She had turned to Father.

"Hey, Mr. McCormick? Winter would like to tell you a secret she's had for a while."

*Code*. *Red*.

Like someone had just clubbed me with hot metal, I jumped off the sofa, feeling my soul clawing my body for a way out of the hell I'd suddenly been thrown in.

*Me* telling Father *a secret* I had for a *while*.

I was *speechless*. Utterly *dumbfounded*. Growing *terrified* with every passing milisecond.

What was Dani *thinking*? *Why* did she *mention that*?

I faced Father, who had also gotten up, staring at me with a puzzled expression.

"Pardon, Winterlyn? Go on," he encouraged.

My mouth had gone more bone dry than *Death Valley*. I was *helpless*.

Dani had left me *vulnerable* against my father. I had *nowhere* to go.

She had told him I had a *secret* - and she knew *damn well* what this secret was.

She had fed me to what I thought were a pack of wolves hiding in the woods.

She had fed me to the *alpha*.

As far as I was concerned in that moment, she'd just *betrayed me*.

Shaky, I stared at the carpet, then swiveled my head to face Dani, who had no look of regret or worry on her face, just *confidence*.

Two-faced *confidence*.

"I... I don't wanna tell him this. Please! I told you I wasn't ready!" I beseeched frantically, whispering to her, *pleading* for her to say it was a prank, a joke, one I found highly offensive, but just a *joke*.

This wasn't *real*. This wasn't *serious*. Dani wasn't being *serious*. She was my girlfriend. *She wouldn't do this to me*.

The warning signs were butterflies. Those butterflies had called the cavities of my stomach home, and they *hurt*. I clung my arms around my belly to try to get them to stop. It didn't work.

"Nah, you got this! Be honest. Your dad is an amazing guy, Winter! He'll love you no matter what!" Dani reassured, attempting to cajole me into action with two giddy thumbs-up, as if that would *ever* help to calm my anxiety and monomania stacking in me like Tetris blocks.

That *wasn't* the nudge I had desired. That just made me get clobbered with *more trepidation*.

Father surveyed me, patiently cooling his heels for my answer, the admission of this prized secret I'd kept hidden from him for years. Two secrets - I was a *lesbian*, and my supposed best friend was actually *my girlfriend*.

I wanted to vomit the butterflies out. I wanted to vomit my *entire skeleton* out until I ceased to exist and was reduced to dust and fragments buried in a graveyard. I didn't ask for this. I *never wanted this*.

Dani had made me board a train to *hell*. She'd put me out in the open, and here she was trying to be *supportive* about it.

There was no jolly good show about this. There was *nothing* that could make me smile. This was *oppression*, not *emancipation*.

This night was going to be a night where Dani and I would spend the night in *unity*. Now it had turned into heartless forboding.

What was going to come from my mouth had *consequences*.

Father's chestnut eyes implored me to speak - I couldn't keep him waiting.

I scrunched up my eyes, balled my hands into fists, and *finally* spoke out the words I had been bottling up in me for *years*.

"Dad... I'm a lesbian. She's my girlfriend."

Were you happy now, Dani?

*Silence* filled the household. Father was shocked, his mouth parted, but he was wordless. He scanned me, still as a statue. Dani smiled, believing she had just done the Lord's work.

You *didn't*. Congratulations. Best day of my life. I wanted to cancel my existence.

I was small. Weak. Useless. *Hopeless*.

*Despairing*.

In a world of talking animals, I was the human with no connection.

In the busy New York streets, I was a sewer rat begging for scraps.

It was so quiet you could hear the *tick* of the clock in the living room. You could drop a pin on the carpet and *hear it*.

There was too much silence. I could barely take it. My heart couldn't; it was thumping and breaching my ribcage. *Badum-badum-badum*.

The base of my neck was sweaty. No one moved.

Then weighted footsteps came up to me. Father.

I reluctantly met his eyes, and the chestnut had the entrails of *embers* nearing completion.

"Is this *true*, Winterlyn?" he demanded, pointedly tapping his foot on the carpet and expecting my answer. His arms were crossed. Father was *serious*.

He wasn't going to kid around with me.

The tone he'd taken to using was *unnerving*. He didn't sound so flat with me when I confided in my usual worries. He was always jovial. Here, he wasn't *jovial*.

I tried lifting up my foot, but it didn't move. My feet were *glued*.

Father's gaze kept me pinned on one side, and Dani's gaze had pinned me on the other. One side scrutiny, the other support.

I couldn't avoid Father any longer. The tension was *overwhelming*.

My mouth forcibly opened, and I choked out the rest of my confession, taking my morality with it.

"Yes, dad... I love her."

That line I spoke alone could have very well had *homicide* written into it.

I had made a *horrible* mistake.

A *horrible, awful, gut-wrenching mistake*.

Father's stern look had morphed and transformed into one of *sheer*, *hellish rage*. He growled, an alpha wolf on the *prowl*, formed fists bigger and deadlier than my own, and then, he *punched me* on the cheek. *Violently*.

Reeling, I stumbled backwards, pain smashing into the side of my cheek, a salty tang of blood arising in my mouth, and Dani gasped, yet didn't leap in to save me.

She never would.

"**YOU HEATHEN**!" Father screeched manically, snarling and revealing his teeth to me, and *mortified* out of my remaining wits, I backed all the way into the rough brick of the fireplace. Dani stood by the sofa, witnessing everything unfold. She didn't lift a finger. She was a horrified, black-eyed deer mangled in the headlights.

My distraction was short-lived. Father hissed, trapping me with his *blazing* chestnut fire.

"**Winterlyn Falin McCormick**, how **dare** you go against your family and your own **morals**! Running off with a **girl**? Keeping this a **secret** from me and *lying* that she was your *friend* the whole time?"

I shook my head. No! I didn't go against *anything*! My heart was *pounding*, and my eyes were *itching*. The tears were about to be deployed. I wasn't able to hide my emotions.

"Dad, stop, please! You don't underst-" I pleaded, but my hopes were as good as *dead* facing the only parent I had left - and he had turned into the incarnate of the *devil*.

"***YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A SINNER***! Yahweh wanted us to be *equals*, one of each. You were *never meant* to fall in love with someone of your *gender*, Winterlyn. You are only meant to be with a *loving man* and ***no more***. The fact that *you*, the daughter I *raised* in Yahweh's *graces*, engaged in ***BLATANT TOMFOOLERLY AND ROMANCE*** with *that brat*... it is a *sin*. You are a *traitor* to this family!"

A *traitor*.

Father had branded me a *sinner* and *traitor*.

I was only following my *heart*. I was *heeding the advice* Mom gave me on her deathbed.

It wasn't a crime to love who *you* wanted to love. But my worst fears had come true. Father *was* still conservative, and he thought same-sex relationships were a *sin*.

I *lied* to him. I was unfaithful. I had disobeyed Yahweh, someone nonexistent to me, to be with Dani.

Blinking back tears, I could feel wounds opening on my body with every insult and rejection Father hurled at me. I was barely even his *daughter*.

*I... I never wanted this...*

Dani *still* hadn't come to my rescue and only backed away. *Dani! Help!* I silently pleaded.

She backed away.

*Stop being a coward! Please, Dani!*

She'd never listen to me. Coward.

Dani wasn't protecting me. She was leaving me to fend for *myself*!

She *betrayed me*.

Rage took ahold in my veins. I stood defiant, and suddenly, I had leverage against Father, using it to what I thought was my advantage.

I *challenged* Father.

"Well, guess *what*? I don't *believe in Yahweh*, dad! I've barely believed all of this stuff... if there really was a god, Yahweh would have wanted me to *love* who I wanted, be who I *choose* to be! I want to have my hair short! I want to wear "edgy" clothing! I wanna reveal my shoulders! I don't want to be the average woman *you* want me to be! I'm a lesbian, I like girls, I'm a tomboy and *beyond* just my gender. Please *just accept it*!"

I panted. Was that enough? Had Father been tamed? Was I free to be me at long last?

Oh, I was too naive for my own good.

I had only *pissed off Father*.

He wanted my *blood*.

And *pronto*.

"***WINTERLYN MCCORMICK***!" he roared, pressing me up against the fireplace brick and applying so much pressure on my throat I thought I would start choking and dying of asphyxiation. His eyes were *murderous*.

My heart turned to stone. It fell in my stomach.

*Oh my god,* I thought, *dad is going to kill me. I'm going to die.*

*I'm going to die in my own house.*

Father was *crazed*. He was *insane*. He was *well past* the point of *saving*.

The devil's incarnate was going to slay me for my rejection of my Jewish heritage. He was going to destroy me for my profanity. That I wasn't born *straight*.

Wickedness was contagious. Treason was committed.

I was no longer so precious to Father as I once was.

My airways were closing in on me, and the edges of my vision were getting blurry. These could have been my last moments alive. I could have been easily killed here, and I wouldn't be here sharing my story.

Destiny's Child once sang that survivors don't give up. I saw Dani's cowardice take full shape. I saw Father's eyes burn and *crackle* with hateful, cruel hellfire.

Above me hung three Stars of David. One for me.

One for Father.

One for *Mom*.

*Mom*. My voice replayed in my head.

*Mom*.

*If Mom was still alive, she would have never let this happen to me.*

Mom would have *beheaded* Father for trying to harm me. She'd have *accepted* me for being a lesbian, *accepted* me and Dani, and urged us to be together *regardless* of what the world believed.

Mom had told me before I died to let my heart *guide me*. It guided me to *Dani*. To *love*. To *accept* myself for who I was. To fuel my passions and never let *anyone* decide my fate for me.

She may have been taken by the Grim Reaper, but Mom's spirit still *flowed* through me.

I had a final scrap of defiance, and utilizing it, I screamed bloody *war* at Father, unleashing my *battlecry*.

"Mom would have *never* wanted this... she always told me that *whatever* path I picked in life, she'd *support it*. If she was still *alive*, she would do *everything* in Yahweh's *will* to stop you from becoming a *monster*! I am a lesbian. I have *always* been fluid in my gender identity and *who* I am. I am a tomboy, I love girls, and as long as I live, ***I'LL STAND ON OWN. TWO. FEET***!"

I glared dissonance at him, but he was unfazed, and it was *chilling*.

In one move, he *slammed* my head against the fireplace brick, the rough surface digging daggers into my skin, and it felt like a hole was torn in the back of my head. The world *spun*, vertigo clouding my view, and in it, I saw mutinous chestnut and cowardly amber.

Before I could growl internally at Dani for her selfish, besmirching *betrayal*, Father pressed *harder* on my throat, causing me to sputter for air. The vertigo worsened. My stomach ached. I twitched, thrashed, trying to wrench myself free of his grip, but I *couldn't*. He'd *caught me*.

Something told me that Father wasn't even *close* to the finish line with me.

He was going to *torture me*. It was apparent that I was going to lose this battle *and* my life.

I was a goner.

I was a goner to my *own father*. My body was going to be on the floor, soaking in a bloody betrayal caused by the person I *trusted* the most with my sacred secrets.

Father retracted his hand, to my surprise, and I *heaved*, desperately snatching the air and inhaling it back into my body. He paced in a circle in front of me, muttering things unintelligible, but *vulgar*.

He was *plotting*. His eyes were *moldering*. *Flaming*.

*Sparking* up something *despotic*.

Those eyes looked up and *seared* me.

Father's muttering transmuted to *words*.

Words of *psychological and emotional torment*.

"***HOW DARE YOU USE YOUR MOTHER AND YAHWEH'S NAMES SO WICKEDLY***! You are a **DISGUSTING, SHAMEFUL TRAITOR**! A **POISON**! A **DISGRACE**! Your *conception* was a *mistake*, Winterlyn. I see that now. Despotic, treasonous spawn of *Satan*..."

Father wanted to burn me at the *stake* for my witchcraft and sorcery. I was a *poison*. A *disgrace*.

Gasping, I felt my eyes go wide, and I clutched at my heart, beating wildly out of control; the world was spinning at the fringes and kept spinning. I couldn't see clear. My skin had gone whiter than a *ghost*. The back of my head was *throbbing* with the most extreme pain I had ever been dealt.

But I was in for *more* than a migraine.

Barely standing, I leaned against the fireplace, the leverage I had claimed in the brawl with Father no more than wisps of fog.

This *unending nightmare* was all because of my desires to break the chains of comformity since I was young. I had *chosen* to be a lesbian. I was influenced by a musician who *never* let the standards weigh her down.

I *loved* girls. I *dated* a beautiful girl who in turn also influenced me.

Because of that, I was a *traitor* to Father. A walking *disgrace* and *liar* who wasn't blessed, but a *curse* to her own family.

To *Father*.

I wasn't even Father's *daughter*.

I had lost the sole parent I had left to *corruption*.

"Dad... p-please... I'm s-sorry..." I whimpered, every fragment of hope I had *destroyed*. I *needed* Father. I needed *someone*.

Dani hadn't moved a single muscle being the *pathetic coward* she was. She did *nothing*. *Nothing*. What was I worth to her?

That would wait. Father was the larger threat now.

Father glared at me, his veins and form popping out with overflowing toxins of malice, and licking his lips, his chestnut eyes brightened.

He reached in his pocket. My eyes froze on said pocket.

*Oh GOD*.

Father yanked out a brown handle, the bottom having *EM* engraved into it. He clicked a button.

A sharp, carefully-honed, and *dangerous* shining silver blade popped out.

It was his *pocket knife*.

"Choose to *be* a sin, choose to be *barbaric* over accepting blessings. You were *never* my daughter, *disgusting hag*. And it's time you received **punishment** for the decay ***you CAUSED WITHIN YOUR FAMILY***!"

He raised the knife, and at once, my life flashed before my eyes, flickering images of a young girl chasing the rhythm at the beach, embracing her parents, learning religion, discarding religion, making friends, listening to Varien, losing Mom, bonding with Father, meeting Dani, falling in love with Dani, middle school, and now *here*.

Time ticked slowly. In a minute, I'd be on the floor bleeding to death.

I was *trapped*.

I was *dead*.

*Mom, if you're listening to me, I'm so sorry for everything.... I'm so sorry... please welcome me in the afterlife...*

Without warning, Father pulled me *violently* outward, extending my arm, and with his other hand, he vehemenly *slit* my wrist open, the move alarmingly fast and *precise*.

I *screamed* in overwhelming, sheer, death-bringing *agony*, yanking and tugging in an effort to break myself free of Father's grip. With a hard jolt, I pulled my blood-soaked wrist out and also snatched Father's knife, tucking the blade back in and stashing the handle in my back pocket safe and sound.

I'd disarmed Father, but I wasn't any safer than I was. Father was lost in the high of his dangerous, deadly moment. That was actually relieving and only the slightest piece of calm in this raging storm - he wouldn't be able to make me bleed to death.

Gritting my teeth and grunting, I sunk to the floor and clutched my cut wrist, blood seeping and gushing out, staining the palm of my hand. Scarlet droplets dripped to the floor, staining the carpet red.

The bleeding wouldn't stop. It *kept* going.

This was the price of *betrayal*.

Someone's amber eyes bore into the back of my still-throbbing head.

*Her*.

The lover I'd now remember as the *traitor*.

The *martyr* who believed she was of a higher existence than her flame.

Tears sprung from my eyes, mixing with the blobs of blood on the floor.

Dani had done *nothing*.

Not even the bare minimum.

Nothing.

*Nothing*.

*She let it happen.*

*She left me to die.*

Dani left me to *die* at the hands of the person who vowed to protect me when Mom had joined the stars.

Vows were broken. Blood was shed.

This wasn't just bloodshed.

This was a *betrayal of blood*.

"*This* is what happens when you're *dishonest* and *lie* to your *loved ones*. Your guardians. Yahweh will forever judge you for your betrayal and *sinner* ways, Winterlyn," Father hissed, circling me, and I peered up at him, vacant, hollow, and dying inside.

For one last chance to live and let die.

To heal.

Father would never listen to me ever again. He thought I was a *witch*.

Witches deserved execution, *not* sympathy.

The cold rejection in his face told me that there was no coming back from this.

He stomped up to me, jabbing me in the side of my ribs and nearly knocking me into the blood-soaked carpet. "**Ten minutes**. Pack your things and **get out of my house**. *Sin* does not **belong** here."

I nodded in a feverish daze, stumbling up to my feet. *Ten minutes*. Ten minutes to leave my *home* behind. The place that raised me from the ground up. The place of my memories, *who I was*. The place that sheltered me and *protected me*.

That was a dying *dream*. This was *dying*.

Everything was gray. The decay had already begun, and it had outpaced me by miles.

I wasn't *safe*. Every step I *didn't* take, I was in danger of Father finding a way to tear out my organs and dismember me.

Even with the pocket knife, there was no *comfort*. No *solace*. It was *dead* and *ashen*.

I couldn't be here. *Here* wasn't *home*.

I only had one fate to choose.

*Come on... fight... I must get out of here! I have to run... I have to run away!*

I had to *flee*.

Reluctantly, I moved past a silent Dani and into the hall. I knew I couldn't waste any more time; it was fleeting and harrowing. I had to *move*.

I veered into the bathroom, a speckled breadcrumb trail of bread behind me, and turned on the faucet, splashing my wrist in freezing cold water. The blood washed off and into the sink, and I took the swift opportunity to clear my other hand of the bloodstain. I grunted, keeping quiet my howls of pain. The wound was a *snake bite*. I thought a *black mamba* had bitten me.

Once the wound was clean, I turned the tap off. It was splattered in bloodstains, but that wasn't my concern. I didn't know how much time had elapsed. I had to act *fast*.

I sniffed, and with a cracked, shaking, small and fragile hand, I wrapped my wrist in a compressive bandage, manifesting to the *stars* that it would stop the bleeding fully.

I estimated that I had seven minutes left. I had to *hurry*, so I sped into my bedroom and grabbed my school backpack. Frantically, I packed my essentials and *anything* deemed necessary to my survival.

My clothes, including my jacket and the sweater Dani had gifted to me. My phone and its charger. My Varien albums and CD player; there was no time to roll up the posters I had of her. Any school supplies I had lying around were tucked in compartments in my backpack.

On my nightstand was my *arcane* diamond necklace. *Mom's second-to-last* gift to me.

I shed a tear and attached it to my neck, where it'd be safe and *never* ripped away from me.

I grabbed my other personal belongings, and, with what I thought were four minutes left to spare from the hurried packing, I recalled the *holiest* object in my whole room.

*The box*.

If I left the box here in this hellhole with a murderous, psycho Father, I would *never*, *ever*, *EVER* forgive myself.

I yanked it out, traced its *Aether and Light* carvings, sobbed, and tucked it in my backpack. It was *safe*.

The nine precious memories I owned were *safe*.

My room looked barren. This *wasn't* a home.

This was a *mirror* to the life I had when I wasn't a victim.

This was a *reflection* of what I used to be.

It had been *assassinated*. *Destroyed*. *Tarnished*.

When I stepped foot out of my room, I'd *never* see it again.

*Mom, if you're listening to me right now, if you're here... thank you for all the memories. I will keep them safe.*

*Varien... give me strength. Please. I need you.*

*And if there ever is a Yahweh... keep my heart from the hands of evil.*

I did one final enumeration. I had *everything*.

Heartbroken, I swung my backpack over my shoulders, its heavy weight a reminder of the burden I had come to bear.

It was just supposed to be a *sleepover*.

There was no sleepover. It ended the second *she* chose to open her mouth.

*Goodbye,* I whispered in my head to my presence-less, devoid of an entity, eleven-year bedroom, and I ran out. Time was hung on a wire. I had likely two minutes left before Father would attack and *erase* me from the earth permanently.

In the living room, Father stood, monitoring my every move and keeping an eye on his watch. Clocking me. If I didn't get out of here quick, I'd meet my end.

Dani stood by the door too, like she'd been *expecting* me to run away.

What good was she right now? She *betrayed me*.

Dani, pleading and meek, gave me her hand, but I *slapped* it away roughly and faced her with bitter, hardening anger.

How *dare* she pretend she could *own up to this*? She *ruined my life*.

I accosted her and *refused* to put on the gloves.

"*Why* did you *do this* to me? When I told you not to?" I demanded, glaring at her with accusations in my cracked, damaged, bleeding heart.

Fury was *exploding* in me. The wildfire was burning, and it had *infinite* gasoline to run on.

"I... I d-didn't know it was g-going to *escalate*!" Dani stammered, scrunching up her eyes.

Oh, *really*? You got *explictly told* by me that I had my suspicions about Father and *ignored me*.

I wasn't going to buy that *cheap excuse*.

Dani was the *traitor*. Dani *ruined my entire life*.

All for her *sake*.

She cared for *herself*. She didn't care for *me*.

She *betrayed me like the cowardly heathen she was*.

"You didn't **know**? Cut me the *bullcrap*, *Dani*!" I spat sourly, my fury mixed in with acid, and I pointed a finger at her.

"You *asked* for this. You **asked** for me to get *tortured by my father*! You **RUINED MY ENTIRE LIFE**! And you **stood there** being a **coward**. You did ***NOTHING***!"

"Winter! Wait, I-"

"**STOP TRYING TO MAKE DAMN EXCUSES**!" I growled, meeting her face-to-face and baring my teeth.

She shielded her chest defensively. I stepped back.

"I warned you **countless times** this would be a disaster. You **forced me into this prematurely**. You downright ***DISREGARDED ME***! Dad can brand me the *traitor*. Dad can call me the *sinner*. But it's **you** who deserves that."

"*No*!" Dani begged, shaking her head.

I wasn't going to fall for those crocodile tears falling from her eyes.

"You can ***tell me how it freaking feels*** when you're living without me. Because of you, **I don't have a home**. I don't have a **life**. ***I NEARLY DIED***! *You* almost got me ***MURDERED***! Was it **all a lie**? ***WAS IT***?"

Dani flinched, my anger slashing into her. I didn't care. It was *her fault*. She *destroyed* my entire life.

She turned my father against me.

She made me pack up my belongings in a *backpack*.

And she was the one that would cause me to *run away*.

I was *sick* of her. I *hated her*.

To think that I once loved her and wanted to for the rest of my life was *poison*.

I *hated* Dani. She didn't *deserve* my sympathy.

She didn't deserve forgiveness.

What she did, forcing me to come out and standing around as Father terrorized me and cut into the wrist with his *knife*, was *unforgivable*.

She was *dead* to me.

I had less than a minute left. I had to go.

But not before I did the last thing I could for my own protection.

I put a hand on the doorknob, facing Dani with one *venomous* stare.

"It's **over**, Dani. I thought I truly found my *soulmate* in you. I can't believe I ***even loved you*** when the truth was, you **only cared** about **yourself**. Wallow in your self-pity. *You* brought this onto yourself - and I will **never** forgive you."

She blinked, sniffing.

It was too late for her to apologize.

Sorry not sorry.

"Until **death** do us **part**," I snarled, and flinging the door open, I leaped out onto the sidewalk, slamming the door shut.

I *ran*. *Hard*.

There was no turning back.

I couldn't turn back.

I was traumatized.

I was broken.

I had no roots, and the only memories I owned were tied to the burdens on my back.

So I ran far, *far* away, leaving my home of eleven years - what used to be a home and a link to my memories and family - behind.

*Betrayal fueled by love had plucked the flowery petals of my life apart.*

*I was burned at the stake, discarded, almost murdered, and left to bleed out.*

*The rug was pulled from under my feet. The snowball crashed into me like the avalanche it was.*

*I was too naive to see it coming.*

*Hatred ran high. Vendettas became known. I lost my entire life because of the actions of another.*

*The person who claimed to love me. The person who promised alongside me that we'd kiss when we were thirteen.*

*Those moments, precious, sacred, and cherished - wasted.*

*It wasn't just any betrayal. This was a betrayal of blood.*

*My lover had betrayed me, and blood was shed in her wake.*

*I'd never forgive her.*

*I lost my family, my home, and everything I'd known.*

*Who knew what the future would hold for me. I could only keep running.*

*Before I start telling you about the rest of my life, I'm gonna need to go eat... and get something to drink. Make yourself at home in the meantime.*

*I need some rest before I continue on. What happens next you might know a little, but you don't know the full truth.*

*It's graphic. It's haunting. And strangely mystifying and... beautiful. Word combos you don't expect. Twists and forks in the roads everywhere.*

*Until then, peace! I'll see ya after my lunch.*

## Cast

* **Mae Whitman** as Winter
* **Eden Riegel** as Daniela
* **Miranda Cosgrove** as Kailee
* **Jim Pirri** as Edwin
* **Nora Dunn** as Rex
* **Kari Wahlgren** as schedule-giving woman
* **Matt Chapman** as unnamed student, some of the five boys
* **Fred Tatasciore** as some of the five boys

## Songs

* Disfigure - *Summer Tune*
* Tasha Baxter - *Bigger Than Me* (ft. Au5)
* Tut Tut Child (ft. Danyka Nadeau) - *Autonomy* (snippet)

## Trivia

* The chapter's title is derived from a hidden message in *The Owl House*: "Two witches torn apart, now alone. Two hearts of stone. A curse of feathers and mud, a betrayal of blood."
* The poster for the chapter was heavily inspired by the Tut Tut Child song *Autonomy*.
	+ The opening seconds to *Autonomy* also play at the end of *Betrayal of Blood* as Winter severs ties with Daniela and runs away from home.
	+ Besides *Autonomy*, the poster having a rose masked by the blood was inspired by Danyka Nadeau's 2023 single *Why*, which features roses in a vase spilling onto a floor. Roses are a flower frequently associated with Winiela.
* What Winter quotes at the beginning is the Varien song *L'esprit Noir (The Spirit of Darkness)*.
* It is revealed that:
	+ Kailee is pansexual and has a partner.
	+ Lars mostly stopped bothering Winter, but tracked her moves with Daniela in middle school. This likely hints that he started to become jealous of what the two had together.
	+ Winter and Daniela established basic constitutes in their relationship:
		- They kept public affection to a small amount.
		- They could touch each other and hold hands.
		- As requested by Winter in *Soulmates*, they wouldn't kiss until they were thirteen.
		- They wouldn't give each other pet names, as Daniela found them weird.
		- While Rex was allowed to know about their relationship, Winter did not want her father finding out, fearing that he'd outright reject her for being queer and dating someone she claimed to be a "friend" in secret. Despite her insistence for secrecy and Daniela's initial promise to give her time, she walks back on that at the end of the chapter and outs her to Edwin, and Winter's suspicions about being disowned are proven right when her father verbally and physically assaults her before cutting her wrist and forcing her to run away.
	+ Winter likes *Alice in Wonderland*, which is appropriate given that she is inspired by *come to the end; then stop*, a Tut Tut Child longplay themed after *Alice in Wonderland* itself.
	+ Daniela got Winter her sweater because it was an odd one out just like her. However, she forgot to account for Winter's size and bought her a sweater two sizes too big for her to wear. Winter would end up keeping it, promising to wear it when she grew into it (which she later does in *The Party*).
	+ Edwin got laid off from his job two months after Winter turned eleven, plunging him and Winter's emotional stability into freefall and leaving Winter fearing that they'd be evicted and forced to live with Saul, or at worse, somewhere not in Pineshadow. Her fears were amplified by her father's fears of failing her mother and not getting enough money to fund her own needs. Daniela helped to calm Winter and led her into the Piney Woods, which she treated as a safe space. Edwin, meanwhile, became sleepless and aggressive, accidentally neglecting his own daughter in the process. Things came to a head when he discovered Winter had willingly gone into the Piney Woods multiple times, coming close to physically harming her and even bad-mouthing Daniela, which made Winter counter him. He quickly calmed down and apologized to Winter, having another heart-to-heart with her and admitting that he saw Daniela like a second daughter. Despite his compassion, he warned Winter to stay true to her heritage and never disregard it, much to her chagrin. Eventually, Edwin found a well-paying job at the local CVS.
	+ Edwin may have had additional reasoning for his violent rejection of Winter. It is implied that he never wanted Winter to stray too far from Judaism and had a limit to how much rulebreaking he could take, with her being homosexual acting as the straw that broke the camel's back. He may have also believed Daniela tainted the last of her purity (hence why he attacked her in *The Broken Pieces* later on) and made her soul nothing but wicked. To an extension, Edwin could have been jealous of Winter and Daniela's relationship as well, though this would have not played a part in his decision to attack and scar Winter.
	+ Winter and Daniela dated for over a year.
	+ The ninth and final photo Winter owns commemorates her anniversary with Daniela - a detail she omitted in *Ex-Girlfriend*.
	+ Daniela got tours of Pineshadow Middle School when she was younger since her mother works there.
	+ Winter and Daniela got no classes together in their sixth grade year and could only spend time together for the first thirty minutes of Long Lunch, a block lunch-like system in place at the middle school. They also chose different clubs, further separating them. However, they'd get to spend time before school in the gym and outside of school when it ended as well.
	+ Mr. Naecher teaches sixth grade as well as seventh grade. He is also Winter's favorite teacher.
	+ Winter and Daniela spent most of their Long Lunch being close to each other in the bathrooms.
	+ The boys that first appeared in the promise flashback from *The Dinner Party* were playing Capture the Flag and wanted live bait, which is why they captured Daniela. Otherwise, Winter's retelling is the exact same as how the flashback is shown in *The Dinner Party*.
* Winter and Daniela's legs tangling is another reference to *Hayloft* by Mother Mother.
* The girls watching *Joshua and the Promised Land* was inspired by Saberspark's famous review videos of the movie that went viral on YouTube. Winter even calling the depiction of Moses a furry is a reference to Saber's fans referring to him as such (and drawing him as a furry in the re-animated movie).
* Winter saying that she wasn't going to make "much ado about nothing" is a reference to the William Shakespeare work of the same name.
* As Winter and Daniela enjoy their last summer before middle school, the Disfigure song *Summer Tune* is heard.
* Winter and Daniela holding hands under tablecloths is a reference to a scene in *Glee* where Santana and Brittany do the same thing on a date.
* When Daniela jokes that they're in a new jungle, Winter asks if there are fun and games. This is a reference to *Welcome to the Jungle* by Guns N' Roses.
* While Winter and Daniela learn to adapt to middle school, the Tasha Baxter song *Bigger Than Me* is played in the background.
* Winter describing herself as the queen of Daniela's heart is a reference to the Tut Tut Child song *Queen of Your Heart*.
* The accomplices Winter refers to are obviously Evie and Mya.
* "Aged like a fine, *fine* South African wine" was not only a play on the phrase "aged like a fine wine," but also a reference to Tasha Baxter, widely regarded by Av as one of Winter's biggest influences (Baxter is South African).
* Winter's joke about Snickers ia reference to the company's "You're not you when you're hungry" ad campaign.
* Although Winter believes Daniela is mad at her for leaving her behind and letting her get attacked, Av has confirmed that Daniela was never mad at her at all and only stared at her in shock. Winter, fueled by regret, instead misinterpreted her look as one demanding why she didn't stick by her side - this is likely part of the fact that Winter canonically has asperger's syndrome (per a post of Av in July 2023), which makes it hard for her to understand certain social cues and interactions.
* Winter comparing the warning signs to butterflies is a nod to *Graveyard* by Halsey.
* When Winter says that summer feels so long ago, she alludes to the Approaching Nirvana song *Snowfall*.
* After Daniela accidentally urges Winter to come out to her father, Winter notes that she chose poorly, referencing the famous scene from *Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade*.
* Winter repeating "why" three times is a reference to *One Look* by LVTHER.
* Winter noting that the winter has just begun is a reference to the 2022 Leah Culver song *Cold*.
* When Winter sarcastically notes that Daniela gave her the best day of her life, wishing to end her existence, she references a quote of Aubrey Plaza: "Thanks, this is the best day of my life. I'm killing myself tomorrow."
* "Wickedness was contagious" is an allusion to the Nomyn and Veela song *Precious*. Another one of their songs, *Mirrors*, is referenced when Winter thinks back on her house not being a home.
* The GHOST song *Reckless Battery Burns* is referenced when Winter does one last enumeration of her bedroom.
* The scene where Winter cut ties and breaks up with Daniela was inspired by the Halsey song *Without Me*, and Winter also references *Without Me* twice when accosting Daniela.
* Winter notably parallels the scene from *Winter Storm Arising* where in her confrontation with Daniela, she directly tells her that it's over.
* Winter running away was heavily inspired by the 2014 Au5 song *Snowblind*, her second-biggest theme. Coincidentally, a version of the song covered on a piano played as Av proofread the scene, leaving her in tears afterward.
* Winter saying she has no roots is a reference to the Alice Merton song *No Roots*, one of her themes.