The Journey So Far/Chapter 11: Year of Clarity (2020)

Leaving the last decade behind, I went into 2020 with a fresh mindset. It was a new decade and I would try to make the best of it. I had my job that was progressing well, my amazing girlfriend, and my mind was clear with not having to worry about creative projects. It appeared I finally found the peace I was looking for. A few months went by and one major event would also drastically change my path. My girlfriend and I, after a full year of dating, decided to move in together. Technically I moved into her place, but you get the idea. I wanted to get out of my parent's house and start a new independent life. My girlfriend and I had and still do have a strong foundation. We planned and planned for the move and the day finally came when I moved in with her. This would be the first time I would move out with someone with whom I had a romantic relationship. It was both nerve-racking and exciting.

After the move, I, of course, had to find a new job. I wasn't going to drive 45 minutes to work every day, so prior to moving, I scouted out many different Vet clinics around the new town I was moving into. I went to several places and sent out my resume. With my newly acquired Vet Tech Assistant Career Diploma, I had a better shot at landing a job. After a few weeks of job hunting, I finally was called in for an interview at a Vet clinic. I nailed the interview and got the job. Here I would start my journey to become an official Vet Technician, or so I thought.

The next three months of the job were hell. I knew working at a Vet clinic wasn't going to be a walk in the park, but these guys were not joking around. It made my old place look easy. The issue with this clinic was their ego. They praised themselves for being one of the best clinics in town. The doctors all had big egos and I never really got along with any of them. It wasn't like we were enemies or anything, but I never connected with anybody there like I did in my old place. I began to miss the old clinic I worked at. I was overwhelmed by how much information I needed to retain. I had to lean a whole new world with medicine names, exam procedures, and the terminology for things. Not to mention I was working at two different locations. One was the main clinic and the other was a dental place that was owned by the same doctor. It was not easy, and I started to feel so out of place. I was beginning not to enjoy the Vet job.

On top of that, I was enrolling again at Penn Foster to get my Veterinary Technician Bachelor's Degree. Learning this medical stuff wasn't easy and I just could not wrap my brain around it. I've never been good at studying or retaining a lot of info from reading a textbook, so this kind of material was stressful to learn. Unfortunately, with my job being super stressful and concluding that this might not be the field I was meant to be in, I dropped out of Penn Foster. Yet another time, I failed college.

To add insult to injury, I was also having to manage to live with my girlfriend while going through this stressful time. Let's just say it was not easy. Many nights I would come home frustrated and tired. I was not the best boyfriend at this point. I was getting depressed again and I was getting worried that I was funneling down the same dark path that I continued to try and stay away from. Many nights of tension would occur between me and my girlfriend. She knew the job was stressing me out, but she also knew I needed money. I knew it as well. I will say though, the thing that kept me going, was her. She was by my side every day no matter how hard it got. She never gave up and never backed down when I was not right in the head. This is what made a difference. She was always there for me. I never felt this kind of love before. If it were not for her, I would have gone directly back to a dark mindset, like I was in 2014. She kept me from drowning.

With all the mental stress I was feeling, I didn't feel like myself. I felt that a part of me was missing. I was confused because I thought the thing that was missing was companionship and a good job. That was only two parts of what made me...well...me. I started to think about my creative side. The side of me that is still burning and is dying to be let out again. Long story short, I decided to come back to my true calling. The thing that makes me who I am. Being a creative person. With all the back and forth of creating a new thing, then burning it down again, I knew I had to go into this newfound clarity with a plan. No more trying to make it *"big".* No more doing it for views or attention. It first had to be because **I WANT TO** do it for myself and no one else. Yes, if people came and stayed and I got some attention and popularity, then of course that would be awesome. But unlike before, I would not judge me success off analytics anymore.

Another small thing that happened this year was the final closure with my ex. This would be the year we would agree to stop talking to each other and just move on with our lives. Now that we both have our own relationships, we felt that it made things awkward and wouldn't be fair to our partners. We agreed that this was the best course of action and this would be the final time I would ever talk with her. It was for the best.

The day came when I came back onto the entertainment scene with what you know now. My new identity and brand, *"C.J. Cuypers Productions".* A new venture that is truly and only me. No gimmicks, no bullshit, and no identity issues. Just all real, honest me. I would take everything that I have learned from EXO Sphere Studios, GojiFan93, Attsri Studios, and Chris Kaizen, and roll it all into one creative ball. I do what I want, how I want when I want, and no one can tell me how to run it. This is the true calling and world I know.

With this, my girlfriend was completely 100% on board and that made me feel so happy. I was nervous she would disagree since all this stuff got me in trouble before. Deep down though, I know she knows this is who I am. To this day she supports me with my creativity, and I cannot thank her enough. I then had to decide on what to do with the Vet career path. As much as I loved doing it in the early days of working in the clinic, I had to be honest with myself and it just wasn't me. I would be living a fake life pretending to enjoy what I do, and I can't live like that. I ended up quitting the Vet field and finding a regular job that can pay the bills while expressing myself creatively. Finding a job was super tough though, I kind of did a bit of job-hopping throughout 2020. Money was tight and it did put a strain on my relationship with my girlfriend. Still, though, she is amazing and stayed with me and continued to support me.

Not only that, but even though I would work on my creative projects on the side and hope maybe one day it can take off to become a successful career, I decided to once again go back to school, but to really home in on what I want. Thankfully, I found a school that fits perfectly for what I want. I enrolled in Full Sail University. A college that is exclusively focused on entertainment media-style content. I enrolled in a bachelor's degree that would give me the tools I would need to have what I want our of a career. Something that I can use my experience to build upon. I continued the year out with a newfound clarity and honestly, I have never been this happy since 2012. After all the hardships and trials, finally, I found the peace I was looking for.

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