Strange Bonding

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Chapter 22 - Strange Bonding

Angle on Randoms Tower, cut into the break room

Alex

“So Tim, ready for another employee bonding day?”

Tim

“Yeah, of course!”

Alex

“Should be a good laugh, trying to see all these maniacs get along, brings me such joy”

Tim

“And as always, we’ll be selected!”

Alex

“Of course”

Tim

“I love our life”

Alex

“I do too!”

Cut and all the employees are gathered in the cafeteria. Malcom is onstage with a hat on a stool

Malcom

“Hello everyone! Welcome to the seventeenth annual employee bonding day!”

Cut to Alex in the crowd

Alex (sarcastically)

“Yup, uh-huh, really cool”

Malcom

“As always, I will pull two names out of this hat, and those two employees will spend the day together doing super fun stuff, and so on and so forth!”

Alex

“Yup, let’s get this over with”

Malcom sticks his hand in the hat

Malcom

“First pair, Nick Klaus and Harold Joffman”

Nick

“DAGNABBIT!”

Malcom

“Second pair! \*puts hand in the hat, and pulls out two names\* Alexander Silva and Anne Pencost!”

Alex

“Wait what?!”

Anne walks over

Anne

“Hey Alex! How’s it going?”

Alex

“Uh... great... who are you again?”

Intro plays

Alex runs onstage

Alex

“Malcom, what on earth! I thought I was supposed to bond with Tim, that’s what we always do!”

Malcom

“Tim couldn’t make it to work today, he’s busy with... something else...”

Alex

“Ignoring that concerned undertone there”

Malcom

“Just try and get along with Anne. I know she worked for Oddity INC-“

Alex

“SHE WHAT?!”

Malcom

“Uh yeah, she was their receptionist I think”

Alex

“Okay then, I can do this... I’m gonna go- yeah... see ya later I guess...”

Malcom

“Bye”

Alex walks offstage

Malcom

“Okay, next pair iiiiis- \*pulls out names\* Malcom Silva, that’s me, and... are you kidding me... \*sigh\* Jameson Mameson”

Jameson runs onstage

Jameson

“Wow! What a crazy random surprise huh? \*laughs loudly\* eh... COME WITH ME!”

He pulls Malcom offstage

Malcom

“What’s happening? PAUL TAKE OVER FROM HERE!”

Jameson

“Yeah”

Paul walks onstage

Paul

“Bonding huh? What a weird concept!”

Malcom

“Where are we going?”

Jameson

“Well...”

Hard cut, Malcom looks shocked

Jameson

“Welcome to the Mameson family reunion, yaaaaaay?”

Zoom out, a ton of Mamesons are there

Malcom

“Great...”

Back at Randoms, Alex and Anne are awkwardly standing together

Alex

“So... you like... food? Food’s nice...”

Anne

“Yeah... it’s okay...”

Awkward silence intensifies

Alex

“WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO HERE?!”

Anne

“I DON’T KNOW! YOU ARE LIKE WAY YOUNGER THAN ME SO THIS IS AWKWARD!”

Alex and Anne start screaming at each other

Alex

“Wait! There may be a very simple solution, remember how I said food is nice?”

Anne

“Yeah?”

Alex

“Let’s just go get burgers or something then”

Anne

“Yeah okay...”

Hard cut, both of them are laughing in restaurant, with a massive burger on the table

Alex

“Oh man, I can’t believe we just ordered that \*laughs\*”

Anne

“Right? This’ll be good! Who’s paying though?”

Alex

“Uh...”

Awkward silence

Anne

“Your dad’s rich though...”

Alex

“Yeah, but I’m not!”

Anne

“Hmm... watch this!”

She shouts at the waiter

Anne

“Excuse me! There is a fly in my burger! What kinda place is this?”

Waiter

“Oh I’m so sorry, I’ll remove all charge, hows that?”

Anne

“Perfect!”

Alex

“Whoa, this place removes all charge for something that small? What on earth...”

Anne

“Eh, they’re very ‘equality for all’”

Alex

“Ah”

Cut back to the Mameson family reunion

Jameson

“Agh! There’s my stupid father!”

Malcom

“Where? Oh that’s him”

A very angry little man is standing across the field, glaring at Jameson

Malcom

“Huh, that’s where you get your stunning looks from”

Jameson

“Ew”

They walk over to him, as dramatic boss battle music plays

Jameson

“Hi dad”

Joseph (British)

“Jameson, I see you still have that accent”

Jameson

“It’s not my fault!”

Joseph

“Oh yeah, ha ha, sure”

Jameson

“I was born with an American accent!”

Joseph

“No one is born with an accent! You clearly talked like that just to be disrespectful to your mother and I!”

Jameson

“No I didn’t!”

Joseph

“Whatever! Who’s your purple friend?”

Malcom

“Purple friend?”

Joseph

“Mmmmm”

Malcom

“Uh, I’m Malcom Silva. I run Randoms INC? Big paranormal investigation company in Porta City?”

Joseph

“Oh, so you’re a American, capitalist businessman stuck in the 80s? No thanks! Of course my idiot son would rub shoulders with the likes of you!”

Brief silence

Malcom

“Well that hurt my soul”

Jameson

“\*nervous laughter\* Malcom, have you tried the food here? It’s amazing!”

Cut back to Alex and Anne, they’re walking around on the pier

Alex

“Huh, Y’know I’m actually having fun here”

Anne

“Me too, who’d have thought right?”

Alex

“Yeah! WHOA! Look at that!”

Anne

“Huh, WHOA!”

They noticed that a carnival has been set up

Anne

“Oh we’ve got to check it out”

Alex

“Totally!”

They run over there whooping

Alex

“Wow! This is amazing!”

Anne

“Totally- YO! MIRROR MAZE!”

Alex

“FORTUNE TELLERS!”

Anne

“GENIES!”

Alex

“ROLLERCO- wait genies?”

Anne

“Look!”

Alex

“Uh- oh...”

Radcliffe, Frida and Grey are all dressed up as genies, and standing on a platform

Radcliffe

“You’re wish is my command!”

He turns a child’s balloon into radish

Child (deep voice)

“Radishes are my favorite”

Frida

“What happened to us Radcliffe? We used to be the hecking generals! Some of the most powerful people on the hecking planet!”

Radcliffe

“This is just a cover while we hunt for Warwick. He still has to pay for his betrayal”

Grey

“I kinda like scamming people personally”

Frida

“And you! Radcliffe, you’re the emperor! Your people need you!”

Radcliffe

“I’m not fussed at the moment, I’ll take charge soon enough. But for now, I want to find Warwick”

Grey

“Calm down Frida, you’re such a negivibe”

Frida

“UGH!”

Alex and Anne walk up

Anne

“Hey!”

Alex (clearly aware)

“Hey...”

Radcliffe

“Ha ha ha! I’m the genie named Randall! What is your wish?”

Alex

“Hmm... well Radcliffe-“

Radcliffe

“WHAT?!”

Alex

“Oh Radcliffe, sorcerer general? Yeah...”

Radcliffe

“Heh... uh... um... okay you caught me!”

Frida

“Seriously?!”

Grey

“Booooo”

Radcliffe

“Look, we’re on the hunt for Warwick okay? We have no issue with your family anymore. You have nothing to worry about. Look, we’re benefiting society with our powers see? All good”

Alex

“Well...”

Anne

“We’ll take two wishes!”

Alex

“Uh no, we’ll take one... I’m not making one”

Anne

“Ugh, fair enough”

Radcliffe

“Gladly, what’ll it be?”

Anne

“Uh, I wish that- Uh... I stood out more... like, I’d be really unique”

Over with Frida and Grey

Frida

“Did she actually just wish for that? Oh I’m gonna have some fun with this!”

Grey

“No massacre today, besides, I have a better idea”

Frida

“Do you?”

Grey

“Oh yeah baby”

He pulls out a book page, and shows it to Frida

Frida

“Could use more blood, but whatever it works!”

Back with Alex and Anne

Alex

“Why’d you wish for that?”

Anne

“Oh, well, y’know... it’s... I’ve had some rough times lately... I fully admit it... but uh, y’know, it’s been getting better! I’m fine now... still, it’d be nice for more people to... recognize me? Yeah...”

Alex actually looks concerned now

Alex

“Maybe we shouldn’t make this wish”

Anne

“Oh c’mon! I’m making it!”

Back with Jameson and Malcom (and Joseph)

Jameson walks over to them holding three glasses

Jameson

“Ho Ho, got us all drinks! You wanna- wait, are you- OH MY!”

Malcom and Joseph have set up a massive croquet field

Jameson

“What’s happening... I hate this...”

Malcom

“You’re... delightful... father challenged me to a croquet battle! Sure I’ve never played, but it involves hammers how hard could it be?”

Joseph

“Hope you’re ready Malcom, I’m a world champion! You’d be lucky to place third...  (quickly) in a two person match...”

Malcom

“In your filthy dreams!”

They stand in starting position

Jameson

“I feel like I made a mistake, I’m a little guilty if I’m being honest... wait... okay guilt gone, this sucks”

Back with Alex and Anne

Radcliffe

“Hold still!”

Anne freezes, as Alex stands slightly behind her looking nervous

Alex

“I seriously think this is a bad idea!”

Anne

“You’re such a sourpuss! They’re reformed, you’re the one who did that! Well, and your brother I guess”

Alex

“Yeah I know, but I seriously don’t trust-”

Radcliffe

“Magic!”

The three sorcerers blast Anne with something, she shrinks

Radcliffe, Anne and Alex

“WHAT?!”

Alex

“This is bad!”

Anne

“You think?!”

Alex

“Oh gosh!”

Radcliffe

“But how did-“

He turns to the other two

Radcliffe

“You two! We are supposed to be laying low! You call this laying low?!”

Frida

“Ok, sorry, gosh...”

Alex

“TURN HER BACK!”

Grey

“Shut up”

He blasts Alex, shrinking him too

Radcliffe and Frida look at him

Grey

“Meh, not my problem anymore... let’s go”

He starts walking off

Radcliffe

“\*sigh\* idiots, another cover blown...”

Radcliffe and Frida walk off as well

Pan to the ground, Alex and Anne are tiny

Alex

“WHAAAAAAT HAVE YOU DONE?!”

Anne

“I’m sorry, it seemed like a good idea”

Alex

“You can’t trust sorcerers, I would know! They drained my memories for heck’s sake!”

Anne

“I said I was sorry!”

Alex

“We gotta get back to Randoms, Paul can reverse this!”

Anne

“Okay, let’s go then...”

They run under the normal people

Alex

“Wait look!”

Anne

“Huh- AAAAAAAH!”

A giant rat is above them

Alex

“Other way, OTHER WAY!”

Back at the family reunion, Malcom and Joseph are playing croquet

Joseph

“So, how’re things in the states? Also, how did you meet my son?”

Malcom

“Your son works for me”

Joseph

“Oh does he? How interesting. What’s the company you’re in charge of again?”

Malcom

“Randoms INC, a paranormal investigation company

Joseph

“Ah, so you’re all witches”

Malcom

“What?”

Joseph

“Sounds evil, your company sounds evil”

Malcom

“Look, we spend our time fighting evil!”

Joseph

“What’s your definition of evil? The American Democratic Party?”

Malcom

“What? No! Is that what this is about?”

Joseph

“I know your type. Manipulative con men! Trying to sell elixirs and whatnot”

Malcom

“My elixirs work more than 60% of the time!”

Jameson

“Uh, dad, me and Malcom will be leaving now! For a good reason!”

Joseph

“Oh really?”

Jameson

“Yes”

Joseph

“Really?!”

Jameson

“YES!”

Joseph stares intensely

Joseph

“Whatever! Go then! Back to your vampire cult or whatever”

Malcom

“Why I oughta-“

Jameson

“Let’s go!”

He drags him off

Malcom

“YOU SUCK DAD BRO!”

Joseph

“Uh-Huh, farewell. Also look out, there’s an opposing political opinion on your leg... heh... I nailed him...”

Back with Alex and Anne, they’ve across the street from Randoms

Alex

“Okay, there’s Randoms Tower... we just have to cross the street”

A car zooms by

Anne

“And... how?”

Alex

“\*sigh\* very carefully... we’re gonna have time everything exactly right! If you mess up, again, we’ll both die, capeesh?”

Anne

“Yeah... look man, I’m-“

Alex

“Hmm? What was that?”

Anne

“Okay I get it”

He folds her arms, clearly annoyed, but not wanting to cause anymore drama

Alex

“Okay three... two... one... GO!”

They frantically run across the street, narrowly avoiding cars. Eventually they make it to the other side, panting

Alex (panting)

“No employee bonding day is EVER worth this!”

Anne

“I agree”

Alex

“Let’s find Paul!”

They run inside the building (by going underneath the door), then they dash into the elevator

Anne

“Great, how will we hit those buttons?”

Alex

“Uh...”

Malcom and Jameson walk in. Malcom looks furious

Malcom

“Your father is perhaps my new least favorite man! And I’ve known you for years!”

Jameson

“Ugh, tell me about it... wait what?”

Malcom

“I’m going up to my office, don’t talk to me”

Jameson

“Very well bucko”

Malcom enters the elevator

Alex

“Malcom’s office is on the same floor as the science lab, this is perfect!”

Anne

“Good, because my head’s starting to hurt...”

Alex

“What?”

Anne

“My head- OH NO! I saw this in a nature documentary once! If humans were to shrink to the size of an insect, we’d become as dumb as an insect as well!”

Alex

“WAIT WHAT?! WE GOTTA HURRY!”

Very calm elevator music plays (signifying how slow the elevator is)

Alex

“C’mon!”

A bit later, the elevator makes it to its destination. Malcom walks out, and Alex and Anne run out

Alex

“We gotta hurry! Paul will be in the science department!”

Anne

“Gotcha!”

They run all the way over there, only to be stopped by Jameson walking down the hall

Anne

“AAAAAAAA-“

Alex

“That’s not good”

We get an Antz scene next. Alex and Anne slowly dodge Jameson’s giant feet, until they grab onto the back of his foot and are launched to the science department.

Angle on Paul working hard, he finishes whatever he was concocting, then leans back, totally satisfied with his life. Then Alex and Anne hit him

Paul

“Ow what the- what did you two do?”

Hard cut. Alex and Anne step out of a machine, normal size again

Alex

“Whoa... that wasn’t... wow...”

Anne

“Yeah... can we... just not?”

Alex

“Yeah I’m okay with that...”

Anne

“We can still be friends though, if you want”

Alex

“Yeah, I’d be down for that”

Anne

“Cool... well \*clap\* see ya”

She walks off awkwardly

Alex

“Yeah...”

As he walks back to his room, peaceful music plays. Alex feels kinda off about today. Lots of mixed feelings. He flops in bed once he arrives

Tim bursts in, covered in sweat and bleeding a little

Tim

“WOO! What an amazing day! How was yours?”

Alex

“It was... really something else...”

Cut to Radcliffe and the sorcerers, inside a circus

Radcliffe

“That was an idiotic move! You’re lucky we weren’t caught!”

Frida

“Please, we are dark magic users, we shouldn’t be traveling with clowns in clown carriages! It’s been five decades since we were last free! Who can blame me for having a bit of fun?”

Grey

“Apparently Radcliffe, he’s a bit of a party pooper”

Radcliffe

“No, I’m the only one taking the hunt for Warwick seriously! Tomorrow we check the spector forest, you best not fail”

Radcliffe looks angrily determined

Grey

“Heh, classic Radcliffe, what a guy!”

THE END