Fake TPOT 40a: Another Voyage Home

Warning! This page may contain **spoilers** of a popular video.

"**Another Voyage Home**" is the first part of the non-canon fortieth episode of *TPOT* by Jacknjellify, as well as the first full episode to take place with the contestants in a new place. It was released on 2 March 1987. This episode is only headcanon to me, that is, until the real TPOT 2 comes out, after which it splits from the rest of the series to become an alternate universe. During the creation process (before the plot was moved to later), this episode was known as "**The Power of Multiplying**", "**Cellular Force**", "**Sticky Notes**" and "**Post It!**".

Author's note: Forty episodes, let's-a gooooooooooooooooo!

Description if this were on YouTube:

Surprise! It's the Big Four-Oh in the battle for the power of Two! But we won't be spending the first half of it with any of the contestants... the ones still in the game, that is. While we wait for them to get used to their brand new living situation in the place you guys have decided to call Fovitwe, let's see what the people in the Filing Cabinet were doing the day everything changed on set.

Previous episode: "Designing Objects"

Next episode: "Entrance Fee: 1 Point"

## Cold open

### **Filing Cabinet cinema**

**Scene**A half-darkened cinema. Patriotic-sounding music plays as all the previously eliminated contestants come in. Most of them look bored. **Clock** earnestly walks onto the stage and stands behind a podium, wearing a peaked cap. For context, this is September 1986, the same time TPOT 39 was filmed.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: It is now time for our centiquotidian [*Subtitles: "Happening every hundred days"*] TPOT watch party.

[*Soni exspectati: complaining.*]

* **Fan****ny**: I hate this!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: What? You've never said you hated coming to these!
* **Fan****ny**: This is only our first meeting.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: And I get to see Snowball on the big screen!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Well, comrades, I've been preparing.
* **Fan****ny**: I know!
* **Barf** **Bag**: Yes, you even put posters on all the doors.
* **N****a****ily**: Face it, Clock... [*giggles at her pun*] It's not that we don't like watching TPOT or the fact you've declared yourself Supreme Leader of the Cinema, but did you really have to force us to come here and ban non-contestants from joining us?
* **B****atter****y**: Yeah, you misguided *Zeitmesser*, parties should be inclusive of everyone! Especially if they're political.
* **Ice Cube**: I want Bracelety here!
* **F****old****y**: And watching the show is much more fun with Stapy providing the commentary! We're practically inseparable these days, you know.
* **E****g****gy**, **Need****le**, **Robot** **Fl****ower**: [*dramatically*] Oh, we know.
* **B****e****ll**: [*rolling her eyes*] Here we go again!

[*Clock claps his* *hands* *(briefly changing the scene to a time when the cinema was empty) and brings his hands back to their original position.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: That's just the way it is, everyone, and that's the way it should be. Now, according to my last updated copy of the *TPOT Game Rules*...

[*Everyone groans as Clock gets his book out.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: "Only former contestants may watch new episodes of *The Power of Two* on the day they are recorded, and not any old resident of the eliminated contestants' area. All metaphorical live streams of episodes should be considered illicit unless viewed by... [*as Cake talks*] blah blah blah blah...
* **C****a****ke**: [*Aside, to TV.*] Who's going to tell him the show legally plays on TV sets in the rooms?
* **T****r****e****e**: Or cruise ships?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: "... to the maximum extent of Algebralien law." Any questions?

[*Clock tucks his book away.*]

* **Ar****esko**: Wait, Clock, why am I included here? I wasn't here for the first episode!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Because you had the great privilege of joining TPOT in the early '80s, Aresko.
* **Ar****esko**: Oh yeah, I suppose I did. It all feels like a blur or something.
* **S****aw**: We're totally excited to watch the episode!
* **Bot****tle**: [*loopily*] Let's play, Tick-Tock Boi!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Alright, alright. [*runs the projector from the podium*] And don't call me that.
* **G****at****y**: [*Aside, to Saw.*] Tssst. Tick-Tock Boi.

[*The previous episode plays as though presented as a filmstrip.*]

#### Selected reactions to TPOT 39

[*Outside the hotel, Price Tag wakes up.*]
**P****ri****c****e Tag**: Ah, what a wonderful place to wake up for a change.
* **N****a****ily**: Hey, it's Taggy!

**Golf Ball**: A wonderful place? We've been sleeping out here for two hundred days!
**P****ri****c****e Tag**: I was talking about my sleeping position, Golf Ball. I moved a few centimetres to the left!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Okay, this is boring.

[*Clock fast-forwards the projector.*]

* **Baske****t****ball**: Whoa, what are you doing?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: The Supreme Dictator reserves the right to fast forward all parts he finds uninteresting.
* **Need****le**: Now that's a power trip.
* **Eraser**: [*getting up and pointing at the screen*] Wait, stop there!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: No.
* **Eraser**: But there's Pen! And Match, right on the TV thingy!
* **T****V**: [*Aside.*] Excuse you.
* **Eraser**: Excuse me, but she's *hot*. Literally.
* **N****a****ily**: Why is she dressed like a maid?
* **Eraser**: I dunno, but I'm frothin' here.

[*Clock gives Eraser a dirty look.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: No.
* **Eraser**: Sorry.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Aaaaand... stop.

[*Clock pauses on the scene right before the intro.*]

**Two**: Why don't you start the limousine while I pack everything up?
**Co****i****ny**: Pack everything up? We're leaving, Two?
**Two**: That's exactly what you're doing. Yes, yes, it's an exciting thing to leave the place where the competition's been for the last fourteen years...
* **G****at****y**: Wa-wa-wa-wa-wait, time out. They're moving?
* **B****o****k**: They move right after I get eliminated?
* **S****aw**: Oh, so I guess you *are* a little bit of a curse, huh, Bok? /j [*elbows her*]
* **B****o****k**: Hey, don't push it there. I still know what you guys said in episode—

[*Bok and the others immediately turn around when Two's voice gets loud.*]

**Two**: ... to the limo of *TwoOOOOOO**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!***
[*From this the intro plays.*]

[*On-screen weird static indicates a break in the episode. Clock jumps at this.*]

* **G****at****y**: Haha.
* **S****aw**: Wait, Gaty, look.
* **G****at****y**: Ooh. Hey, Bok, it's your favourite person. /s [*pointing at Pencil with her foot*]
* **B****o****k**: ***EUGH.***

[*Bell, Robot Flower and TV, who are sitting in front of her row, turn around.*]

* **B****o****k**: Sorry.

[*Robot Flower points at the screen.*]

**R****e****m****ot****e**: Romance.
**B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Just... divert your attention to something else.
**R****e****m****ot****e**: Okay.
* **Pi****e**: That's Remote, alright.

[*Weird static makes Clock jump again.*]

* **Baske****t****ball**: Hey, Clock, why is the movie jumping?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Although this part of the Cabinet is the best governed *by far*, we are always the last to get our hand-me-downs, even though we *should* be getting the highest-quality picture. This is my cinema, *gé-erre-erre!*
* **Puffball**: This would be going a lot faster if we could watch this in our rooms.
* **F****r****i****e****s**: You said it, Puffball.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: No! You have to stay here, I... get lonely.
* **G****at****y**: Well, fine, then; we're leaving.
* **All**: Yeah!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: But... we're... we're TPOT alumni, remember?

[*The other ex-contestants get up and talk among themselves.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: I forbid you all to leave!
* **Need****le**: [*amidst other dialogue*] Does he talk to his wife that way?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: No, no, no, wait!

[*Weird static, transitioning to the song bit.*]

**Five**: ♫ *I know a place where my lovely host always took me to have some fun! Now, it belongs to everyone!* ♫
[*Everyone stops in their tracks.*]

* **Lig****htni****ng**: Hey, I like this song!
* **Fan****ny**: Oh, whatever. We can stay for a little bit.
* **Pill****ow**: Is your bit as long as mine? I don't think it is!

**Five**: ♫ *You'll live here when this day is done, here, where the new stage has just begun!* ♫
[*The song ends, followed by weird static.*]

* **Pi****e**: Or not. Come on, people.
* **N****a****ily**: The moment has passed.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: But—
* **N****a****ily**: That's a clock-related pun.

[*Naily makes the >:3 face and leaves with the others.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: [*sigh*] I guess it's just me in here.

[*Clock jumps off the stage and sits in one of the front row seats to watch the rest of the episode.*]

**Five**: Exix, you're safe, and Snowball is eliminated.
**Li****y**: Well, that was surprising.
**Five**: Yeah, because I'm not a fan of the suspense that Two always puts on when they host Cake at Stake. If I were the real host, I'd like the eliminated contestants to be announced straight away.
[*Clock sighs again.*]

### **Outside the cinema**

**Scene**The eliminated contestants gather in the lobby. We can see the other denizens of the Filing Cabinet milling about.
* **G****at****y**: Ugh, we're finally out of that heck-hole!
* **S****aw**: I miss when it wasn't run by Clock! I kind of wanted to watch the new *Sunday the 16th*.
* **F****old****y**: Yeah, well, it is what it is.

[*Foldy walks off.*]

* **B****e****ll**: Hey, where are you going?
* **F****old****y**: Back to the hotel room. I've been without Stapy for ages!
* **E****g****gy**: You've only been out for, like, ten minutes at most.
* **F****old****y**: And?

[*Exit* **Foldy**.]

* **Baske****t****ball**: I guess we're going back, then.
* **Gra****ssy**: Grassy loves isolation!

[*Exeunt* **Basketball** *(with* **Grassy** *on her head), along with a few other people.*]

* **Fan****ny**: Well, I ha— [*Beat.*] Actually, I wouldn't mind a day all to myself. I hate people!
* **Pi****e**: Please, Fanny, you've got us.
* **T****r****e****e**: We've been assigned to your room, remember?
* **Fan****ny**: Of course I remember! I hate when people assume I have amnesia!
* **Pi****e**: *I* wasn't assigned; I moved in with you voluntarily to be near real death preventers and not those imposters.
* **T****V**: TMI, Pie.

[*Exeunt* **Fanny**, **Tree** *and* **Pie**. **Lightning**, *despite living in the room next to theirs, follows them as well.*]

* **C****a****ke**: Alright, see y'all round!
* **N****a****ily**: Hey, want to watch the rest of the show in our room?
* **Nic****k****el**: Heck, yeah!
* **Bot****tle**: Party! Party!

[*Exeunt* **Nickel**, **Cake** *and* **Naily** *with almost everyone else. Manent* **Gaty**, **Saw** *and* **Bok**, *who stands with a neutral expression.*]

* **G****at****y**: You look scared.
* **B****o****k**: What? I don't think I am.
* **G****at****y**: Please, I know you. And in the last few months, I've gotten to know you even more.
* **S****aw**: That's two episodes!
* **G****at****y**: Just admit you don't like watching Pencil in modern media because she freaks you out.

[*Saw looks at Gaty for her weird word usage.*]

* **G****at****y**: What?
* **B****o****k**: But you're mistaken. I don't fear her or her evil powers any more. Right now, it's all about cold, hard revenge. [*intensely*] And I will get it.
* **Ice Cube**: [*popping her head through*] That's my thing!

[*Fade to black for a second. Saw flips the switch on the wall and the lights come on again.*]

* **S****aw**: Oh, these things are always broken these days.
* **G****at****y**: Come on, Bok. We can meet up with Icy, Bracy and that audio-amplifying girl, head to the pool room and play some billiards. [*pronounced "bye-lye-ards"*]
* **B****o****k**: Oh, fine.

[*Bok, Saw and Gaty start walking.*]

* **B****o****k**: But if there's a TV in there, I'm turning it on.
* **G****at****y**: Sure, Bok.
* **S****aw**: Hey, G***8***y, did you just say *bye-lye-ards*?
* **G****at****y**: Ššš!

### **Various (part 1)**

**Scene**Montage of many contestants and non-contestants watching the footage of the episode from different locations, which continues until the end of the episode in the evening.
#### Room 128

[**Lightning**, **Mini Cyclone** *(his boyfriend) and* **Yon** *(their roommate) are watching the rest of the episode on the television.*]

**Snowball**: Concerneth this all me?
**Five**: Yes, of course. Two was just going to tell you how you're going to be eliminated.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Och, *what?*
* **Min****i Cyc****lone**: Should I press rewind?
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Yes, please.

[*Mini Cyclone presses the rewind button, showing the episode*

* **Min****i Cyc****lone**: And you can't do it by yourself, can you?
* **Lig****htni****ng**: I'm lazy, Cyc. Be so lucky we're living in a time of technological progress so that one can actually play the footage back for once.

[*Mini Cyclone presses play on the TV.*]

**Five**: Please pardon me, Snowball, I'm trying to eliminate you, but nothing's happening. In fact, I don't even have a dance partner with whom to do this.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: No way! What the feck, Snowball's been eliminated?
* **Min****i Cyc****lone**: That's something.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: And he's coming here; oh, isn't this exciting, Yon?
* **Y****o****n**: 어쩌면. 네가 더 이상 그를 사랑하지 않아고 생각했어. [*Subtitles: "Maybe. I thought you did not love him anymore."*]
* **Lig****htni****ng**: What?
* **Min****i Cyc****lone**: She thought you were over him.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: I am very much, but... Snowball, in the Filing Cabinet with us? Oh my cloud!
* **Min****i Cyc****lone**: Steady on now, you still have me with you.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Oh. Yes. I do. Snowball's become a holy man now, and we should respect that.
* **Min****i Cyc****lone**: Mm-hmm.

#### Five's Own bar/pub/lounge

[**Pie**, **Tree** *and their roommate* **Pherre** *are ordering food outside a restaurant recently been named after Two's co-host.*]

* **T****r****e****e**: I'll have a carnivore's salad, thank you.
* **Pi****e**: And I'll order the non-dessert soap suds. [*Beat.*] It's not a euphemism; I find it quite nutritious.
* **Pherre**: Whatever. Can I have a veggie pie?

[*Tree and Pie look at her.*]

* **Pherre**: What?
* **Spe****j****l****an**: Okay, so that's one carnivore's salad for the Aussie, soap suds, non-dessert for the dessert-y and a veggie pie for their newbie friend-y.
* **Pherre**: Thank you, kind waitstaff.
* **Spe****j****l****an**: Yeah, I don't get paid much for this. Most people just come for the rhymes.

[*Exit* **Spejlan**.]

* **T****r****e****e**: [*calling after them*] But those weren't rhymes! [*nemini loquitur*] Mmh.
* **Pi****e**: What's your problem?
* **T****r****e****e**: As of late, uranium.
* **Pi****e**: No, not you. [*to Pherre*] Listen, pledge. You're a death preventer now, and your duties include not eating food involving objects because someone had to *die* to make it.
* **Pherre**: Because... most food production workers pop easily?
* **Pi****e**: Actually, because most objects unknowingly engage in cannibalism, but yes, that too.
* **Pherre**: Well, I don't see what the problem is! I think it's perfectly within my boundaries to order a legitimate item from a menu.
* **Pi****e**: But it's not within the boundaries of the pact.
* **T****r****e****e**: Guys, look!

[*Tree points at the TV inside. At this point in the episode, Snowball is subtly telling Pen he doesn't approve of his non-pious lifestyle.*]

* **Pi****e**: Yeah, it's Pen.
* **Pherre**: Your ex.
* **T****r****e****e**: Thank you, Pherre.
* **Pi****e**: Can you read his lips?
* **T****r****e****e**: I can't even think of kissing those chops, let alone reading them. But if I had to guess, I'd think he was saying... [*realizing his apology from episode 38*] something bloody affable.

[*Beat.*]

* **Pi****e**: Whatever. The new place they're all standing in looks legit, though.
* **T****r****e****e**: Yeah. Gregg would go bananas if he got to stand on that set. Off-camera, I mean.
* **Pi****e**: Of course.
* **Pherre**: [*pointing at the table next to theirs*] See? They're eating veggie pies!

[*Tree and Pie look at* **Bottle**, **Marker** *and* **Pillow** *are sitting at another table in the background.*]

* **Pi****e**: That's different. Those people must have been born in a barn.
* **T****r****e****e**: Not having Black Hole or Remote here is really taking a toll on your judgement, isn't it, Pie?
* **Pi****e**: Meh.
* **Bot****tle**: Hey, look, everyone! It's Death PACT!
* **Ma****r****ker**: *Dødspagten!*
* **Pill****ow**: Hi, friends and stranger!

[*Tree awkwardly waves at the old pledges.*]

* **Pill****ow**: You guys should really try this veggie pie!
* **Ma****r****ker**: It's almost as delicious as Dirt-branded Havarti!
* **Pi****e**: Okay, whatever you say.

#### Room 105

[*A large party is taking place in this hotel room, hosted by* **Battery** *and* **Avocado**, *the only people who actually live there. They are joined by* **Gnokaxu**, **Leek**, **Snare Drum** *and* **Vihepsis**, *as well as* **TV**, *who is providing his commentary through the clever use of subtitles and infrequent interjections.*]

**Golf Ball**: But still! [*Subtitles: "Butts till!"*]
* **Gno****ka****x****u**: He, he, he, Golf Ball said *butt*! That ain't ladylike!
* **Vi****hep****sis**: You're weird.
* **Gno****ka****x****u**: I know.

**P****ri****c****e Tag**: Yeah, Two, say it louder for the people in the back!
**Two**: What back? [*Subtitles: "🔙"*]
**P****ri****c****e Tag**: It's an expression from my time.
**Two**: Oh.
* **L****e****e****k**: Oooohhhhhhh!

[*Everyone looks at Leek.*]

* **B****atter****y**: What?
* **L****e****e****k**: [*pointing at TV*] That's so obviously Taggy right there! Come on PT, say *fleek*, I dare you!
* **T****V**: [*splicing together several contestants' syllables*] Fleek.

#### Food court

[*In the food court,* **Bomby** *is seen sharing a banana with* **Yellow Face**, **Profily** *and* **Unrelated Two Jr.** *while holding an extra one behind his back to eat later. They are all watching the footage of the episode on the overhead TVs in the middle of the food court.*]

**Two**: Due to unforeseen circumstances, we will no longer be staying at my Second Hotel!
**Golf Ball**: We know that already!
* **Yellow Face**: What? Who says they're not living in the Second Hotel any more?
* **Unrelated Two Jr.**: Two did.
* **Bom****by**: That's the host!
* **Unrelated Two Jr.**: Who I'm *not* related to!
* **Pr****of****il****y**: [*getting up and waving their arms (which nobody notices)*] You hear that, people? Unrelated Two Jr. isn't related to Two! That's hilarious! That's hi-li-li-li-larious! That's hi-li-li-li-li-li-li-li—
* **Yellow Face**: You've been eating too much algebralien food, Profily.
* **Pr****of****il****y**: I can't help it; it's more ubiquitous than cropped tops!

[*Meanwhile,* **Puffball**, **Donut** *and* **Fries** *are watching the episode a bit more quietly.*]

**Two**: I want each of you, except Snowball, to pick a house for yourself.
[*Everyone is about to run off in separate directions.*]
**Golf Ball**: *Waaaaaait!* [*No response.*] Why is no one listening to me?
* **F****r****i****e****s**: Because you're Golf Ball, that's why.
* **Puffball**: Good thing we were sent off before she turned mean again.

[*Enter* **Barf Bag** *with a soda, or as she says it, a "pop".*]

* **Barf** **Bag**: Hey, I got our food.
* **Puffball**: Sweet!
* **Barf** **Bag**: [*looking at the TV*] What are you doing?
* **Donut**: Those two are making commentary about Golf Ball.
* **Barf** **Bag**: Oh yeah, she's back to her old self.

**Golf Ball**: Wonderful. Thhhh... thhhh.... thhhh...
**T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: She means *thank you*.
[*Puffball, Donut and Barf Bag laugh. Fries crosses his arms.*]

#### Room 134

[**Eggy** *and* **Robot Flower** *are visiting* **Bell** *and* **Needle***'s hotel room*—*they are having a girls' watch party.*]

* **B****e****ll**: Oh, you're here!
* **E****g****gy**: Did we miss anything?
* **B****e****ll**: Not much. Everyone's just talking filler, filler, filler.
* **Need****le**: Rather annoying if you ask me. Were we ever like this on the show?
* **E****g****gy**: Of course not. We are the interesting ones.
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: True.

[*Needle suddenly points at the TV: it's the part where Pin suddenly turns her head (with the others) to listen to Golf Ball.*]

* **Need****le**: Look, it's my sister!
* **E****g****gy**: That's right; you and Pin are related.
* **Need****le**: What? No. I call Pin my sister 'cos we're very close, and that's the truth. Not now, of course, because of the distance between us, but...
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: Hush, Needle!

[*Beat.*]

* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: That's not something one says very often.

**Co****i****ny**: Cool, I assume the same applies to Pin and me.
**P****i****n**: What do you mean *assume*, Coiny?
**Co****i****ny**: I was joking, honey, heh.
**P****i****n**: So was I, heh.
* **Need****le**: Those people can be so unf—*hey*, it's my actual sister!

[*Needle points at the TV again.*]

**P****e****nci****l**: How'd you like to live with me, Pen?
**P****en**: That would be *awesome!*
* **E****g****gy**: [*imitating him*] That's *awesome!*
* **B****e****ll**: How d'ya like to fill us with awe like the ink stick you are?
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: Not!

[*They all laugh.*]

**P****e****nci****l**: Wasn't implying anything, mate, keep your cap on.
**P****en**: Oh.
* **Need****le**: Oh, Pencil, girl, I love you.

#### Pool room

[**Gaty**, **Saw** *and* **Boom Mic** *are playing a game of pool, barely paying attention to the TV.* **Bracelety** *and* **Ice Cube** *can be seen rocking out to the music playing in the eating section, while* **Bok** *is sitting next to them, incidentally under the television screen.*]

* **B****o****k**: I ***HATE*** you!

[**Fanny** *walks by for a second.*]

* **Fan****ny**: Haven't a clue who you're talking about, but so do I.
* **G****at****y**: What was that, Bok? You love her or something? /j
* **B****o****k**: I know you're joking, but you're really making my pages boil.
* **Ice Cube**: Do pages boil?
* **Bracel****ety**: They sure do, because anything's possible within a five-metre radius around *Ice Cuuuube*, yaaaaaaaay!
* **B****o****k**: [*confused*] *Five* metres?
* **Ice Cube**: But my favourite number is seven!
* **G****at****y**: I'm sorry for making you mad, Bok, but I'm just too happy I could *win* this. You're going down, Saw!

[*She is about to make her shot.*]

* **S****aw**: In your dreams, G***8***—

[*Gaty misses.*]

* **G****at****y**: Dang it.
* **S****aw**: Aw, was I too loud?
* **G****at****y**: No, I was distracted by Tennis Ball. [*imitating him*] "Okay, GB, I'll do what you say."
* **Boo****m** **M****ic**: What a simp. [*waving at Bracelety*] ***HI, BRACELETYYYYYY!***

[*Gaty knocks the ball into the pocket, in spite of Boom Mic's loudness.*]

* **G****at****y**: Hurrah!
* **S****aw**: Nice shot!

[*Enter* **Foldy** *and* **Stapy**. *Stapy is carrying* **Stape-O** *on his head.*]

* **G****at****y**: Oh, hey, you two.
* **Boo****m** **M****ic**: You bringing Stape-O to work again?
* **St****a****py**: [*uninterested*] Yep.
* **Boo****m** **M****ic**: You know, it's funny. I always thought 8-Ball would get the job.
* **St****a****py**: But it instead went to a body pillow.
* **F****old****y**: Shh, he'll hear you! [*Aside.*] "Being loved by two people" problems, am I right?

[*The others look at one another.*]

#### Room 126

[*Just like the girls, the boys are having their watch party:* **Eraser**, **Anchor** *and* **Aresko** *(who sits a little further from them) are reclining on their deckchairs that they brought to their hotel room, drinking apple juice and watching the episode in the most relaxed environment that's been seen so far.*]

**P****e****nci****l**: I think we'll get along just fine, no doubt about it.
* **Eraser**: Pencil and Pen living together? I *so* want to flippin' live with them.
* **Anch****or**: Bruh, this ain't *Imperfect Strangers*.

**P****e****nci****l**: But the question is, Match: will *you?*
**Ma****tch**: Like, yeah. I've been known to stay at a lot of people's houses before, and the fellows there don't, like, seem to mind.
* **[** **Anch****or** · **Eraser** **]**: *Eyyyyyyy!*
* **Eraser**: That's my Bic! [*Subtitles: "Bic is a brand of light-making devices."*]

[*Aresko gives Eraser the side eye for his offensive-sounding comment.*]

* **Anch****or**: Dude, she's so comin' to round you up.
* **Eraser**: Of course she is.
* **Anch****or**: Let's clink to that, gentlemen.
* **Eraser**: You said it.

[*Anchor and Eraser clink their drinks together.*]

* **Ar****esko**: Can I... join yous?
* **Anch****or**: Frick yeah, bro!
* **Eraser**: There's enough room in here for everybody!

[*Aresko clinks his juice and looks up a bit as he starts to remember his time in the competition.*]

* **[** **Anch****or** · **Eraser** **]**: Yeaaaaaaaaahhhhh...
* **Ar****esko**: [*happily*] Yeah!

#### Pool room

[**Gaty** *and* **Saw** *are now sitting with* **Bok**, *who is leaning back drowsily in the booth, still listening to the TV. Bracelety, Ice Cube and Boom Mic have since disappeared and been replaced by* **CofTaVor**, **Sigune** *and* **Profily** *(who has migrated from the Food Court). The only worker there*, **Stape-O**, *sits on a stool and does absolutely nothing.*]

**Ma****tch**: Omg, Ignis is, like, coming back?
**Two**: You can't come.
**Ma****tch**: Oh, yes, I can.
* **B****o****k**: Ook... she's... even worse.
* **S****aw**: Who, Match?
* **B****o****k**: Yeah, I guess so. I haven't really... put my worst enemies on a worst-to-least-worst tier list... but... ick.

**Ma****tch**: This isn't me being, like, into you.
* **B****o****k**: Yes, it is.

**Ma****tch**: I just want to see my, like, man...
* **B****o****k**: Gross.
* **G****at****y**: Bok, Match can't help her attraction to people.
* **Selinur**: She is what she is.

[*Gaty and Saw look at Selinur.*]

* **Pr****of****il****y**: [*dancing to a song that sounds similar to Michael Jackson's "Thriller".*] Yo-yah! Booga-booga-booga-booga-boo!
* **Cof****Ta****Vor**: They won, in case you couldn't tell.
* **G****at****y**: Come on, we'd better get you an intervention somewhere quieter.
* **B****o****k**: No, no, I have it fine over here. You can come back after I've eaten my hybrid buffalo-lutefisk wings.
* **G****at****y**: [*getting up*] Well, suit yourself.

[*Silence, as Saw gets up from her seat.*]

* **G****at****y**: Oh, right, that's a Clock phrase. [*shudders*]

### **Various (part 2)**

**Scene**The same thing, but with the second part of the episode.
#### Room 118

[**Basketball** *and* **Grassy** *are watching the episode in their hotel room. Their usual roommate Quaddy is out.*]

**Golf Ball**: We never lived in a barn together!
**T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: I meant my childhood barn back in Minnesota. It was a housebarn.
**Golf Ball**: Oh, that's right. Germans.
* **Baske****t****ball**: Aw, come on! I got eliminated early to miss a contest like this? Think I'd be really good at something like that, don't you think, Grassy?
* **Gra****ssy**: I'm Gras—

#### Room 134

[*At the girls' party.*]

**Co****i****ny**: —say "Go!" in big letters?
**P****i****n**: Yep.
**Co****i****ny**: Come on.
**P****i****n**: Okay.
**Co****i****ny**: No, I meant the other thing.
**P****i****n**: Oh, fine, if you say so. [*imitating Two*] Go!
* **Need****le**: Ugggh, that's *so* cheesy.
* **B****e****ll**: Girls, how do we feel about Coiny and Pin?
* **E****g****gy**: Back on the Losers' team, they were pretty cool. But now?
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: They're fool.
* **Need****le**: Obviously my love for them knows no bounds, but their humour's simply some of the worst I've ever heard.

**Co****i****ny**: Heck, yeah!
* **Need****le**: See? He heard me.
* **E****g****gy**: You'd be the perfect third wheel for something like that, Needy!

[*Needle slaps Eggy.*]

* **Need****le**: Don't call me Needy!

#### Food court

[**Gaty**, **Saw** *and* **Bok** *go into the food court, where more people have gathered.*]

* **B****o****k**: Why did you take me here? You know I hate open spaces.
* **G****at****y**: So do we.
* **S****aw**: Most of the time.
* **G****at****y**: But we're here to analyse your deepest fears and find out how they relate to your hatred of non-threats.
* **B****o****k**: Don't you need a degree in psychology to do that?
* **G****at****y**: You're right, but most of us never went to college because of BFDI. As a matter of fact, I don't think there's anyone in this Cabinet who's *actually* qualified to do this.
* **S****aw**: Then it's a good thing the bookshop sells how-to guides at 10,000 Equation Playground francs.
* **G****at****y**: See?

[*Gaty pulls out a book with the title "How to Psychologically Read People".*]

* **S****aw**: Now that's official.

[*Bok gasps and looks at the TV screen.*]

* **B****o****k**: Look!

**P****e****nci****l**: You'd think I would have put *something* in this thing, considering I was never in it.
* **B****o****k**: [*whispering*] *It's her...*
* **G****at****y**: I guess this is a good place to start. [*puts on goggles*] So Ms. Bergjord...
* **B****o****k**: Wait, where'd you get those?
* **G****at****y**: At the Filing Cabinet optician, of course. Anyway, Bok... it seems that your emotions are sparked the most when you're around Pencil, is that right?
* **B****o****k**: Yes, and Match.
* **G****at****y**: And Match.
* **B****o****k**: And images of both of them.
* **G****at****y**: That was implied. Now...

[*Gaty gets a clipboard out.*]

* **G****at****y**: Can you tell me if there were any incidents where Pencil and Match triggered these feelings in you?
* **B****o****k**: Nearly all of 1964. You were there; you know that they were just so mean!
* **S****aw**: But it doesn't look that way on the telly!
* **G****at****y**: [*Aside.*] Ssh, wait a little bit to play Veles' advocate.
* **S****aw**: Sorry.

[*Bok's eyes gravitate towards the television again.*]

* **G****at****y**: And she's looking at the TV.
* **B****o****k**: Evidence!

**P****en**: Penc. Baby. We'll be fine. And I know just how we can get there, eh?
**P****e****nci****l**: Aww, you're driving me there?
**P****en**: No, I'm driving *us*. I'm coming with you, Pencil!
**P****e****nci****l**: Aye, there's a good one! [*punches his barrel in a friendly manner*]
* **B****o****k**: Uh...

#### Room 105

[*With* **Avocado**, **Battery**, **Gnokaxu**, **Leek**, **Snare Drum** *and* **Vihepsis**, *along with the visitors from Room 115:* **David**, **Dollary** *and* **Lehopwan**. *The room has become a bit cramped as a result—by now, TV has gone elsewhere.*]

**Ma****tch**: Hi, Igloo! Get it? Because Two calls the washroom a, like, *loo*.
* **[** **Avoc****a****d****o** · **Lehop****wan** **]**: A *looooo*.

**Ma****tch**: A-*byoink!*
[*All laugh.*]

* **Vi****hep****sis**: This girl is rad!
* **L****e****e****k**: I know, right?
* **Do****l****lar****y**: We all need a Match in our lives. [*Beat.*] Scratch that.

**Ma****tch**: You are speaking to Match Anastasia Achsah Zapalka, and I am, like, super amazing!
[*All laugh again. Leek imitates Match putting her arms up.*]

* **David**: Aww, seriously?
* **B****atter****y**: I think we're past her being a parody by now, David.
* **David**: Aww, seriously?

**Two**: Please don't do that! I had to teleport here with this person, whose name I didn't even know until a few seconds ago, on top of me, and she won't even leave!
* **Gno****ka****x****u**: Yasss, girl!
* **S****nare Dru****m**: 'Cause she's, like, super amazing.
* **Lehop****wan**: Upgrade this chick to major character, please!

#### Food court

[*View of the food court at the moment:* **Gaty** *is getting food for herself, Saw and Bok, while* **Saw** *is talking to Barf Bag at her table.* **Bok** *is sitting alone, reading the book Gaty bought and watching the episode.*]

**P****e****nci****l**: You lovable fop, just don't act like an A-list celebrity when you're a Z-lister who stands out here as it is.
* **B****o****k**: Hmm...

**P****e****nci****l**: Now walk with me.
**P****en**: Okay!
* **B****o****k**: [*pointing to her mouth*] *Mmmm! Mmm!*

[*Enter* **Gaty** *and* **Saw** *from separate directions.*]

* **G****at****y**: We're back.
* **S****aw**: Hey, Bok!
* **B****o****k**: I saw it!
* **S****aw**: You mean... [*points at herself*] I *saw* it, huh?

[*Silence.*]

* **S****aw**: I'm sorry, that was a low-hanging fruit.
* **B****o****k**: No, it's Pencil! She was being mean as usual; she looked like she wanted to kill the guy again! Look!

[*They look up.*]

**P****e****nci****l**: I suppose that's one of the advantages of an ever-industrializing society: even the remotest village gets its own huge building full of things you don't need.
* **B****o****k**: See? She's evil!

[*Gaty picks up her book.*]

* **G****at****y**: That's it, I give up!
* **B****o****k**: What?
* **G****at****y**: You are anti-fixable!

[*Exit* **Gaty**.]

* **B****o****k**: *Anti-fixable*?
* **S****aw**: [*Aside.*] Don't worry. She'll be back tomorrow to have a chat with you. [*going*] G***8***y!

#### Room 135

[*As is often the case,* **TV** *has moved to another hotel room to hang out with* **Cake**, **Nickel** *and* **Naily**. *They all hang out and eat snacks as usual. Bomby is still in the food court.*]

**Five**: In that case, Price Tag, please exit the room. This is supposed to be a surprise for everyone. Everyone except Winner.
* **C****a****ke**: I'm still confused by this Five guy. Is he supposed to be, like, constantly sassy?
* **N****a****ily**: Whatever it is, he never really *nails* it down.

[*Silence.*]

* **N****a****ily**: Come on, boys, that was a pun!
* **Nic****k****el**: I've only seen him for two episodes, so I wouldn't know,
* **C****a****ke**: Oh.
* **Nic****k****el**: But if I had to guess, I'd say yes.
* **C****a****ke**: Weird! [*raises his water bottle*] Well, let's just be glad I left early. I do not need to meet another surprise host.
* **N****a****ily**: You're preaching to the choir, Cake.

**Winner**: Who is it?
**Five**: Are you familiar with some fellow named Loser K. Verlier?
[*Cake does a spit take all over TV.*]

* **T****V**: Ow.
* **C****a****ke**: Sorry, but wait... *Loser? **THE** Loser?*
* **N****a****ily**: Yeah.
* **Nic****k****el**: Didn't you know Loser and Winner were a duo?
* **C****a****ke**: Of course I did! That was one of the first things I found out about them in episode 1! If y'all were there, you'd know that they...
* **[** **C****a****ke** · **Winner** **]**: [*with Winner on the screen*] Performed together, toured together...

[*Cake turns towards TV.*]

**Winner**: We even ate chicken nuggets together.
* **C****a****ke**: Yes, aah! It's Loser, and he's going to be out in the real world! [*turns to his friends*] Ain't that the raddest thing ever?
* **N****a****ily**: Um...
* **Nic****k****el**: Well...
* **N****a****ily**: Funny you should say that, but...

[*Nickel and Naily audibly cringe.*]

* **C****a****ke**: You two don't seem that interested.
* **Nic****k****el**: It's not that, it's just... Loser was so... Nails?
* **N****a****ily**: He's not really that popular any more.
* **Nic****k****el**: She's right; the in thing is... um... I don't know.
* **N****a****ily**: Jumpsuits with stripes on them?
* **Nic****k****el**: Yeah!
* **N****a****ily**: Cake, you can like whoever you want, but Loser's just so... outside the Filing Cabinet.
* **C****a****ke**: Oh. I see.

[*Cake is about to leave.*]

* **Nic****k****el**: Cake, where are you going?
* **C****a****ke**: I'ma find someone who cares. Sorry.

[*Exit* **Cake**, *disappointed.*]

* **Nic****k****el**: We did something bad, didn't we?
* **N****a****ily**: Yeet. Want to go to Balloony's?
* **Nic****k****el**: I was just about to say that.
* **N****a****ily**: Of course you were, mate, he's your dad!
* **Nic****k****el**: Yeah, let's light a shuck. See ya later, TV.
* **T****V**: Don't mind me, it's time for my regularly-scheduled programming.

[*Exeunt* **Naily** *and* **Nickel** *together. Zoom in on TV's screen.*]

**Winner**: I might as well pinch myself.
[*Before Winner pinches themselves with their arm, TV presses a button on his touchscreen and immediately switches from TPOT to the theme song of* The Old and the Restful, *a soap opera that TV fancies watching.*]

#### Five's Own bar/pub/lounge

[**Tree** *and* **Pie** *are watching the episode while eating their lunch. Pherre has gone off.*]

**B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: There's no need.
**R****e****m****ot****e**: Black Hole, this is a retail store. Death prevention vouchers aren't valid here; I checked.
**B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Yeah, but you get a 100% discount on anything here, if you're an active TPOT contestant.
* **T****r****e****e**: Well, that's not fair.
* **Pi****e**: Is it the fact that we have to pay for everything while the remaining TPOT contestants can get whatever they want for free?
* **T****r****e****e**: No, Pie, it's the fact that I can't see the *Weeping Woman* in person. /s
* **Pi****e**: Maybe there are some advantages of still being in the competition.

[*Beat.*]

* **[** **Pi****e** · **T****r****e****e** **]**: Nah.
* **T****r****e****e**: Life here is fine.
* **Pi****e**: Sure, and you seem much calmer here than out there. I've noticed it very well.
* **T****r****e****e**: Wow. Pie, that was very introspective.
* **Pi****e**: Who, me? Nah.
* **T****r****e****e**: I suppose if there's anything to blame for that, it's... that.

[*Tree points at the TV, which is now silently playing the footage of Pen posing for the camera while Pencil carries all the groceries.*]

* **T****r****e****e**: How much do you want to bet he's forgotten her birthday?
* **Pi****e**: 1,000 francs.
* **T****r****e****e**: I'll see your 1,000 and raise you 2,763.
* **Pi****e**: Dagnabbit.

#### Cinema

[**Clock** *is watching TPOT in the cinema by himself. He is eating popcorn while sitting in the front row.*]

**P****e****nci****l**: It's a good thing we contestants don't have to pay for all this stuff.
**P****en**: Yeah.
**P****e****nci****l**: You're not upset, are you?
[*As the scene plays out, enter* **Cake**, *quietly. He opens the door.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: *Sortez, s'il vous plaît*, the cinema's closed.
* **C****a****ke**: Clock?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: [*surprised*] ***WHOA!***
* **C****a****ke**: Okay, I'll, I'll leave you alone.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: No, wait, you're going to miss the part with... you know... [*gesturing for Cake at continue*]
* **C****a****ke**: Loser.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Yeah! You know, it seems that everyone has forgotten him.
* **C****a****ke**: It's a shame. The world outside this cabinet is a much less peaceful place these days, and I feel like they all forgot the ideals that Loser so valiantly tried to uphold for our society!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: You said it, brother comrade. People can be so controlling now. I miss when the policy was, how one says it, *vivre et laisser vivre*, live and let live.

[*Cake looks at Clock.*]

* **C****a****ke**: What?

[*On the film projector, the screen switches to the judging part of the competition,* i.e., *the first part of the episode where Loser makes a physical appearance.*]

**L****ose****r**: *Toll!*
* **C****a****ke**: Oh my patisserie, it's him!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Loser!
* **C****a****ke**: It's like he's right in front of our eyes, man.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: [*quietly*] That's because he is.

[*Both look at the screen with big smiles from seeing their idol.*]

**L****ose****r**: It was an experience.
**P****ri****c****e Tag**: Okay, I just want to say that of the whole cast, I'm the only one who's kept the hippie ideal.
* **C****a****ke**: Okay, we have to rejoin.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Loser's not a contestant though; he didn't appear on the old set.
* **C****a****ke**: Aww...

[*Enter* **Eggy** *as weird static skips over part of the episode.*]

* **C****a****ke**: Darn it!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: And at the moment we want to see it all!
* **E****g****gy**: Hey, people!

[*Cake and Clock turn around.*]

* **C****a****ke**: Eggy!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: The Losers! are back together again, *mon Dieu*.
* **E****g****gy**: I know.
* **C****a****ke**: Look at the screen!

**L****ose****r**: I'll let you know after everyone's been judged, Coiny. [*winks*]
* **C****a****ke**: Ain't that the raddest thing ever?
* **E****g****gy**: Nah.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Come on, don't tell me you don't want to see him and Winner in cabaret-style action. You know, they've really influenced my political career.
* **E****g****gy**: You mean your non-existent one. Anyway, I don't care to see him because I don't really care.
* **C****a****ke**: [*offended*] What? You don't really care?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: You sure cared enough to walk over here to tell us that.
* **E****g****gy**: I needed to. Bell and Needle are arguing about who the richest contestant is.
* **C****a****ke**: It's Coiny, right?
* **E****g****gy**: That's what Needle says!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Look, can't you argue with your roommates about this stuff somewhere else? From now on, I am declaring this cinema a Loser-only zone.
* **E****g****gy**: The name says it all, looks like. See you, guys.
* **C****a****ke**: Bye.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Farewell.

[*Exit* **Eggy**, *followed by the weird static from earlier.*]

**L****ose****r**: That's all for the tour. Thank you for letting us into your home; we know that you're still busy decorating and that such things take a lot of time...
#### Room 125

[*The old band from the Letters' Protectorate, that of* **Inei**, **Kudasai** *and* **Mjunga**, *are looking attentively at their TV to see if Umtaya is saying anything.*]

**L****ose****r**: Winner!
**Winner**: Loser! [*they embrace*]
**B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Aww, that's so sweet.
**U****m****t****a****ya**: It's the power of friendship.
* **I****ne****i**: Yesss!
* **Kuda****sai**: With the power of friendship, I demand that our Umtaya does not leave.
* **Mj****unga**: Not just not leave; she needs to win this!

#### Cinema

[**Clock** *and* **Cake** *are still watching the show.*]

**Winner**: Thank you. I've even got half of the only trophy I've ever wo—
**L****ose****r**: Goodbye.
[*Clock and Cake gasp.*]

* **C****a****ke**: What?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Loser would never be this dismissive!

**L****ose****r**: I have the feeling that someone is using their algebralien powers on me to speed up the judging process.
**Five**: What? This episode is getting long.
**Winner**: Well, if you're leaving now...
[*Weird static.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: No!
* **C****a****ke**: Don't abandon us, Loser!

#### Room 125

**Winner**: Oh no, I forgot!
[*Jump cut to the contestants regrouping outside.*]
**Five**: Attention contestants! These, as you can see...
* **Mj****unga**: What the heck?
* **I****ne****i**: She isn't really getting much attention in the show, is she?
* **Mj****unga**: Nope.
* **Kuda****sai**: I regret what I said earlier; she should come back here as soon as possible.

**Five**: Thanks for that.
#### Cinema

**L****ose****r**: Don't think of it as a bad thing, my friend. In my humble opinion, no one has decorated their home terribly; in fact, you have all done an amazing job. You should be proud of yourselves.
[*Tears form in Clock's eyes.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: That... was beautiful. Encore, *mon ami!*
* **C****a****ke**: Aww, you're crying! And you told me you never cry!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Oh yeah, how about you? Shouldn't you be doing the same?
* **C****a****ke**: You really want me to emit frosting from my eyeballs like some kind of lizard? It ain't that easy to get me to "plo-ray", Clock.

[*Beat.*]

* **C****a****ke**: But I miss him too!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: We sure do!

[*Enter* **Eggy**, *silently. She looks interested in the scene on the TV, in which Loser jumps on his bicycle and flies into the air.*]

**L****ose****r**: Goodbye, everyone!
**Everyone**: Goodbye, Loser! [*cross-talk*]
[*Eggy sits next to Cake.*]

* **C****a****ke**: I knew you couldn't resist him, Eggy.
* **E****g****gy**: [*sigh*] Nope.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Come on, let's go back to our rooms. Looks like the bulk of the episode is finished.

[*They all get up and walk out of the cinema.*]

* **E****g****gy**: But I just got here!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Yeah, well, you missed a lot.

**P****e****nci****l**: What'd we miss?
[*Eggy turns around to see Pen and Pencil, who are looking very happy.*]

* **E****g****gy**: Those two are the biggest hornballs since Yard Globe from my hometown's philharmonic.
* **C****a****ke**: Mm-hmm.
* **E****g****gy**: You know, I never realized how good this theatre is.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: We'll be in here for life.
* **C****a****ke**: Yeah!

[*Exeunt omnes, talking at the same time. Although this is semi-live footage (with weird strange static effects), the voting screen is never shown outside the episode itself, so the projector runs out of film and the lights begin to dim in the now empty cinema.*]

## Epilogue

### **Food court**

**Scene**A few minutes to midnight. With everyone in their hotel rooms watching the very end of the episode to see if there's an interesting stinger, there is no one in the food court except **Golf Ball Clone**, who has the task of turning off all the lights for the night.
* **Golf Ball Clone**: And the last one goes off in three, two, one...

[*Golf Ball Clone turns off the light, rendering the area pitch black, with the exception of the simulated night sky on the windows.*]

* **Golf Ball Clone**: Ah!

[*Exit* **Golf Ball Clone**. *A silence fills the empty scene, punctured by a very low-volume conversation between Two, Match and Ignis in the background, very echoed.*]

* **Ma****tch**: *So now we have to, like, liberate everybody living in the, like, Filing Cabinet?*
* **Two**: *I think we shall. Oh, poop.*
* **Ma****tch**: *Wait, what are you, like, doing?*
* **Two**: *Something that perhaps should have been done several years ago. Watch this!*

[*All of a sudden, a bunch of mechanical noises that not even onomatopoeia can describe can be heard. The sky background on the windows briefly changes colours, takes on the form of the lobby of the Second Hotel, and becomes the night sky again. Everyone screams, as the Filing Cabinet loses its balance.*]

### **Outside the hotel**

**Scene**We see that the Filing Cabinet has been removed of the hotel, and it turns out that it's a very wide cylinder, much bigger than the hotel itself. Nevertheless, it wasn't so difficult for Two—on account of their powers—to move the whole structure out of that room tucked away in the lobby. **Match** is with them, while **Ignis** has fallen asleep by the wall—it's after his bedtime.
* **Ma****tch**: Omg, it's, like, spherical.
* **Two**: [*correcting her*] Cylindrical.
* **Ma****tch**: Gesundheit.

[*The Filing Cabinet, because Two took it out of the room on its side, begins to roll away. Picture it: a massive structure in the shape of a CD holder, rolling away from a building that's smaller than it.*]

* **Two**: Whoops.

[*Match looks at Two. Everyone can be heard shouting again as part 1 of the episode ends. Cut to black as these words appear on screen (set to happy music).*]

**To be continued
in TPOT 40b
Last week of April 1987**
## Notes

1. ↑ It's true! In a separate video released shortly after TPOT 39, the voters decided that the new set should be named based on the letters of Two's and Five's names.
2. ↑ I still don't know the word for going "ssssstttthhh" with your tongue when you're trying not to say something.

**Fake TPOT** [V]