Newspaper Articles

This page serves as a transcript for the newspaper clippings found in the game, as they may be difficult to read whilst playing. It also includes unused/removed newspapers from the earlier versions of the game.

* Arthur's Office
* Clive's Office
* Prudence's Office
* Hamlyn Newspaper
* Hamlyn Newspaper (Player)
* Alpha Build 11219
* Alpha Build 11915
* PAX East Build 21735
* Early Access Build 27755

## **Mrs. E. W. Bower Wins Garden Prize**

August 9, 1945

Mrs. Ernest Bower of Cumberland Crescent was awarded the 1945 Garden Prize for their themed flower garden, "Friendship". Mrs. Bower's design mixes swirls of red, white and blue flowers, representing the Union Jack, and red, white and black flowers, representing the German Imperial Flag. "I wanted to show the friendship between our two peoples," said Mrs. Bowers, accepting her award. "Of course no flower is perfectly black, but black dahlias come quite close, and I found hollyhocks and pansies that are such a deep purple they're almost black. Colonel von Stauffenberg himself helped me get the seeds."

Second Prize went to Jane Morris of Warminister Road for her themed garden, "White Christmas," with flowers of white, red and green. Third Prize went to Beatrice Smythe of Ferry Lane, for her garden, "And Did Those Feet in Ancient Time."

In the vegetable department, first prize for a Victory Garden went to (continued on page 5)

###  Trivia

* Colonel Clause von Stauffenberg was a German army officer and a member of German nobility. He was executed after a failed attempt to assassinate Adolf Hitler in 1944.

## **No Swimming in the River**

July 12, 1959

There is no truth to the rumour that toxic chemicals in the river are behind our Minister of Health's recent ban on swimming or fishing in the Avon. Minister Joseph Lister explains that the rumours of a chemical spill at the Bristol Alkali plant on Eel Pie Holm are unfounded. The pharmaceutical plant has a perfect safety record and all it's equipment is modern and recently inspected. Nor is it true that as some excitable citizens would have it.

Nonetheless, Minister Lister requests that citizens refrain from using the river's waters until (Continued on page 5)

###  Trivia

* Sir Joseph Lister was a surgeon during a time in England when practicing under sanitary conditions was not required or even considered necessary. After reading an article by Louis Pasteur regarding the connection between food spoilage and the existence of micro-organisms, Sir Lister studied and eventually created the first antiseptic used under medical conditions. Reference

## **Hastings Brothers Win Scrap Gathering Prize**

June 4, 1947

Percival and Arthur Hastings were the surprise winners of the scrap drive. Arthur told the judges that his brother has a photographic memory. "Percy knew exactly where all the old cars and prams and things were in the Garden District." Percival himself rarely speaks to strangers, apparently.

The scrap will be melted down to be used to support the war effort against the Soviet Union, which is by all reports going splendidly. The brothers brought in a record 1654 pounds of scrap steel, winning them a £50 Victory Against Communism Bond. The second prize went to Allen Unwin, who brought in 315 pounds.

###  Trivia

* Possibly a name reference to King Arthur and one of his closest knights Sir Percival. Arthur Hastings is the playable character in *We Happy Few*.
* This newspaper article is what makes Arthur remember his brother.
* To get an achievement, this article must be accepted.
* The cut-off ad of nondescript "Cocoa" is a reference to Cadbury's Cocoa, with the slogan "Absolutely pure therefore best".

## **Gen Byng Clarifies Registration Procedure**

May 7th 1947

Gen. Robert Byng, the municipal liaison to the Occupation Authority, appeared on Parade Street late last night to speak to a crowd of citizens urgently requesting clarification of the new child registration rule. As most Wellingtonians know by now, all children who will be under the age of 13 by July 22 must be registered with the Authority. General Byng clarified that the deadline for registration is next Thursday. He refused to speculate on the rationale for the registration regulation.

"I cannot illuminate the regulation any further because Col. von Stauffenberg has not informed me of its purpose," stated the General. "I imagine and hope that it has something to do with maintaining nutrition for our growing children in this time of scarcity but the O.A. have not told me so explicitly." He reminded the crowd that the Occupation has so far been extraordinarily orderly and peaceful, and that citizens' continued obedience to legal orders of the O.A. is crucial to maintaining goodwill with our visiting (continued on page 15)

###  Trivia

* This is the first mention of the Authority in the game.
* To get an achievement, this article must be censored.

## **Drug Trials A Qualified Success, Says Sir Robert**

March 3 1952

The first round of trials of a new anti-melancholic medication have been a qualified success. stated Dr. Alexander Gross, acting head of the Melancholia Studies laboratory at the Royal Victoria Hospital. "The drug reduced melancholic feelings in twenty-eight out of thirty despondent rats over a twenty-day period." Despondency can be induced in rats by repeatedly giving them electrical shocks. Despondent rats take up to twice as long to navigate a maze. "After administration of the drug, previously despondent rats regained up to 50% of their navigation speed before administration or the shocks." stated Dr. Gross. The drug now has to be tested in human volunteers. Citizens wish to apply as a potential volunteer (there is already a waiting list) can do so at the Royal Victoria (continued on page 13)

###  Trivia

* This is possibly a reference to the Joy drug, possibly when creating the Chocolate flavour.
* To get an achievement, this article must be accepted.

## **Farm Workers Expected to Return from Germany**

October 29, 1946

With the last harvests in and frost painting the valleys of Thuringen, Wellington Wells' 129 volunteer farm workers are expected to return home within the next two weeks, states Sir Robert Byng. Each highly-paid (and well fed!) volunteer worker replaces one German soldier heroically fighting Communism on the Eastern Front. Unemployed men of Wellington Wells who are interested in volunteering for work in Germany in the Spring should contact Hauptmann Werner Ehrhardt at his office at Waterloo House.

###  Trivia

* Hauptmann Werner Ehrhardt is a fake name, each word means "Headman/Leader/Captain", "Army Guard", and "Brave/Hardy/Strong."
* To get an achievement, this article must be accepted.

## **Taxi Service Restored - On Three Wheels**

June 7, 1952

Wellington Wells once again has taxi service. Bicycle taxi, that is. The enterprising young Nigel Hemmingford is now carrying paying passengers along Parade Street. He is also willing to take up two customers at a time anywhere in Wellington Wells.

Mr. Hemmingford, 17, built his taxi out of two bicycles, with the assistance of his father, Edmund Hemmingford, known locally as "The Wicker Man" for his mastery of his art of crafting wicker. The seating of Mr. Hemmingford the Younger's bicycle rickshaw (as he likes to call it) takes its inspiration, according to Mr. Hemmingford the Elder, from Roman racing chariots. Contrary to what you've seen in old movies, these had to be as lightweight as possible, yet sturdy. (Continued on page 14)

###  Trivia

* To get an achievement, this article must be censored.

## **Wellington Under Reopens**

May 12, 1944

Thanks to the heroic efforts of Col. von Stauffenberg's efficient mechanics, the Wellington Under will restore limited service. The following stations will be served from one hour after curfew ends to one hour before curfew begins: Waterloo, Minorca, City Hall, Trafalgar, Thermae, Victoria. Tickets are 1s, 6p for the aged. Details are available at the stations during operating hours.

###  Trivia

* To get an achievement, this article must be censored.

## **Bolshevism Against Europe Gala a Smash**

August 22, 1945
The new and exciting exposition, "Bolshevism Against Europe," had its sparkling gala at City Hall last night. Eighty-eight invited luminaries including the new queen of the Wellington Wells stage. Jane Morris, as well as the members of Executive Committee. And of course Sir Robert Byng and his eye-catching daughter Victoria attended the glamorous function.

The exhibition is now open to the public. "Bolshevism Against Europe." mounted by the Wellington Wells Committee for Anti Communist Action, uncovers the secret history or the Bolshevik movement before its takeover of Russia. the murder of the Tsar, and the creation the Soviet Union. It traces the hidden connections between the Soviet Union, the British Labour Party, the Roman Catholic Church, and the Freemasons. Finally, it reveals the insidious perfidy of Communist fellow-travelers even now within our own society. Visitors will learn how to be on the alert for Communist conspiracies and propaganda. The exhibition, which is free to the public, will continue through November 15.

###  Trivia

* This newspaper first reveals that Robert Byng is the father of Victoria Byng.

## **Remember to Turn in Your Automotive**

Colonel von Stauffenberg reminds citizens that all private automotives have been requisitioned by the municipal authorities on behalf of the Imperial Germany Army, and must be turned in by October 2. Owners are to bring their vehicles, which must contain at least a one-quarter full tank of petrol, to the Train Station. To reduce queues, vehicles with license plates ending in 1 and 2 may be turned in on Monday, 3 and 4 on Tuesday, 5 and 6 on Wednesday, 7 and 8 on Thursdays, and 9 and 0 on Fridays.

A fine of £100 will be levied against the registered owner of any automotive not turned in by that date. The fine for an empty petrol tank is £10. Owners with a current municipal exemption, of course, are not required to participate.

## **Margaret Worthing Will Open Battle of Flowers**

Tuesday, July 2, 1946

Miss Margaret Worthing has been crowned the Junior Field Commander of the 1946 Battle of Flowers, which takes place this Sunday. She will lead the annual Flower Parade accompanied by her father, Jack Worthing, former lead actor of the *Will Kemp Traveling Players*. She was crowned last night at the Garden Gala by 1945's Junior Field Commander, Sally Boyle.

Miss Worthing was selected, according to the organizers, because of her spectacular Victory Garden. "We were all amazed how many different varieties of exotic flowers she's grown, all while helping feed her family with her vegetables.

The Battle of Flowers dates back to 1920, when participants in the Flower parade decided to dismantle their floats and attack each other with blooms. The Battle has become the traditional end to the Flower Parade.

###  Trivia

* First mention of Uncle Jack and reveal that Margaret is his daughter. Also the first mention of Sally Boyle.
* Wellettes will sometimes mention how excited they are for the Battle of Flowers.
* *The Battle of Flowers* is a real world event.

## **Police Arrest 4 in 'Breeder' Riot**

November 6 1951

One man, Ranulph Alderly, and three unnamed women were arrested in what the police are calling another 'Breeder' riot Sunday night. The victim, Mrs. Anne McCutcheon, appears to be in stable condition, as is her husband, Mr. Cyril McCutcheon. There is no word yet on the condition of her baby, whose birth was not expected for another two months.

The arresting officer, PC John Constable, stated, "It is dangerous for women who are in a family way to strut their condition about. Frankly, it sets people off, when decent folk are doing their level best to forget."  (Continued on page 33)

###  Trivia

* Shows how aggressive people have gotten towards the idea of children after the War.

## **Everybody's a Winner at Simon Says**

October 9th, 1964

The Hamlyn Village weekly Simon Says game offered more than the usual excitement last Friday. The game was reaching its usual fever pitch, with contestants dropping out right and left, when suddenly alert villagers noted a small squad of Wastrels sneaking up from the direction of the Garden District. They were presumably taking advantage of the absence of villagers from their homes and shops in order to steal into town and, well, steal.

As everyone knows, there is plenty for Wastrels to eat in the Garden District - it is, after all, the Garden District - but they seem to like our food better. The hue and cry went up, and the entire village chased after these "Joy-less" malcontents, who escaped into the river and were never seen again. So, although no prize could be awarded, since no one could remember who was still in the game, everyone was a winner!

The break-in seems to have resulted from a temporary failure in a diagnostic kiosk on the bridge. The kiosk has been fixed, so future games of Simon Says can go ahead undisturbed.

###  Trivia

* This article used to be part of the Side Quest, Shibboleth. The player had to complete the quest so that they'd be able to get into St. George's Holm.

## **Mrs. Sackville Wins Garden Price**

October 9th, 1964

Mrs. Freya Sackville has won the Lancelot Brown Prize for her lovely flower garden Prior Park Road.

Mrs. Sackville can often be found in the garden, weeding and pruning, and enjoying our lovely English weather. "I adore company," says Mrs. Sackville. "If any fellow gardener wants to help me out, or just tell me the latest while I potter about, well, I hope she'll drop by. I always keep a teapot handy for visitors."

###  Trivia

* This is the first and only time Mrs. Sackville's first name is revealed.

## **Lud's Holm to Reopen Shortly**

October 9th, 1964

Beatrice Sackville, of the Wellington Wells Executive Committee, has let us know that the renovation of Lud's Holm is almost complete. "I am told that the painters are putting the finishing touches on the street, and we should be able to throw open the gates before the leaves fall," enthused Miss Sackville.

According to Miss Sackville, the opening festivities will include a performance by the St. George's Church Choir, an interpretive dance performance by Roger Bacon and James Maxwell, and a trumpet voluntary performed by the Wellington Wells Police Department Brass Band.

Miss Sackville brushed off the notion that there is anyone currently living on Lud's Holm. "Of course there are workers there from time to time, fixing the pipes and so forth, and if anyone was hiding in the few houses they haven't fully restored, I am sure there would be reports."

Miss Sackville urges her fellow citizens not to attempt to "jump the gun" on the festivities, as the paint is still wet, and it will spoil the surprise.

###  Trivia

* Shows how the Executive Committee lies to its citizens instead of admitting what's actually going on.

## **Foggy Jack Continues Non-Existence Streak**

October 9th, 1964

Chief Inspector Robert Peters states that "Foggy Jack" is now in his tenth unbroken year of not existing. At a medal ceremony for the police, the Chief Inspector commemorated the continued nullity of the alleged night-time murderer with a speech. "We have been telling the public for exactly ten years now that Foggy Jack is a complete non-entity. And yet people keep coming in to tell us they saw him out their window at night. Precisely none of the constabulary has run across this vaporous individual in all those years, and if anyone was going to see him up close, it would be our brave lads."

Foggy Jack must of course not be confused with our dear Uncle Jack, who continues to exist, as can be seen on any television set from morning till night. "If the populace would kindly spend the evening paying attention to Uncle Jack's bedtime stories, rather than watching the shadows move, they'd know they have nothing to worry about," stated Peters. At the same medal ceremony, Constable John Constable received the Arthur Wellesley Medal of Valor for his efforts to subdue a particularly vicious Downer. Constable Constable has been recovering from his wounds for the past few weeks, but now can be seen patrolling our lovely streets.

###  Trivia

* This is the first time Chief Inspector Peter's first name is mentioned.
* It's possible the part regarding John Constable is a reference to The Night Watch, but it's unlikely, considering The Night Watch came out in an update alongside Survival/Sandbox Mode.

## **Celebrations Planned for Joy Anniversary!**

Friday, October 9th, 1964

Wellington Wells is preparing a special celebration commemorating the invention of Joy. According to our archives, Haworth Labs began producing Joy in 1953, and we are thus celebrating our second decade of Joy!

Hamlyn amateur historian E.D. Gibbon, however, claims to have found evidence that Joy is actually an ancient British custom. "We have always been taking Joy," he claims. "I am an old man," says Gibbon, "and can't remember ever having been unhappy."

Gibbon has made it his life's work to seek evidence of Joy in ancient and medieval manuscripts. He is perhaps best known for his monograph claim that Joy came to England with the Norman Conquest in 1066, though other scholars claim that the "Joy capsules" Gibbon identifies in the Bayeux Tapestry are merely commas. Despite not having been able to convince "the smug elites in their ivory towers," Gibbon remains optimistic "and of course very happy indeed."

Controversy or not, Wellington Wells will go ahead with its 11th Anniversary Celebration, which include a celebrity game of Simon Says, a masked ball, and the Hamlyn Quartet's rendition of Ode to Joy.

A limited quantity of commemorative tea cups and dish towels will be available for all you collectors out there, so don't wait to register, or you will be mildly less pleased with yourself!

###  Trivia

* This article is mentioned in We Happy Few: Uncle Jack Live VR.

## **Inside this issue:**

### *SPORTS*

Should Jubilator Jousting be legal? Page 3

### *Reg Cutty Meats*

"*Always the freshest!*"

Purveyors of fine meat and meat products. Try our new meat cakes!

### *Murder Mystery Merriment*

The Hamylyn Thespian Troupe is rehearsing a lively new murder mystery [continued pg.7]

### *Summerisle Beer*

"*Quenches your burning thirst!*"

Official Sponsor of the Joy Anniversary.

### *Anthony's Cooling & Vents*

Call Anthony Sweet for all your ventilation needs.

###  Trivia

* Jubilator Jousting is brought up during The Great Stink.

## **Geological Society Awards Gold Ribbon**

The Geological Society has awarded its highest honour to Charles Hutton-Lyell for his recent discoveries on seismology.

"For years, the citizens of Wellington Wells have complained that they become easily lost as familiar landmarks appear to move," says Hutton-Lyell. His new research proves that "this phenomenon is not all in your head. Our city happens to be located in an area of unusual seismic activity. Things really do move around."

###  Trivia

* This article is mentioned in We Happy Few: Uncle Jack Live VR.

## **Uncle Jack Says... Did You Overdo It?**

### **By Jack Worthing, guest editor: Eleanor Porter**

Some people have noticed that the happier they get, the less they can do! Sometimes they can't put two things together to make a third thing! They also find they can't walk without tripping over things and making a big noise.

If this is you, not to worry! You are just overdosing on Joy. When you've had a little too much Joy, about all you can really do is laugh and skip and run and play, and wait till your Joy comes down to a normal level. In the meantime, enjoy! Enjoy the pink chimney smoke, and the lovely.

###  Trivia

* Admitting to the existence of the 'Joy spiral', without outright stating it.

## **It's all Greek (and Latin) to Us!**

Can you imagine Uncle Jack talking like Julius Caesar? Nigel Brasenose, president of the Wellington Wells Classics Society, has begun translating Uncle Jack transcripts into Latin as a hobby. "It can be a bit of a sticky wicket," says Brasenose, "as some English expressions don't have counterparts in the language of Cicero."

[continued pg.10]

## **Lost and Found**

REWARD: Mrs. Dainty has lost her cat. Have you seen him? He answers to the name Sebastian and likes cake. At least, she thinks he does. If you find Sebastian, please return him to Mrs. Dainty at Thomasina House and she will bake you a lovely cake.

LOST: Miss Laetitia Prism recalls that she once lost a handbag at a train station. She can't quite describe the handbag, as it has been many years since she last saw it, but she earnestly feels it must have contained something precious. If you should see such a handbag, please return it to Miss Prism at Thomasina House.

###  Trivia

* Both stories are mentioned in We Happy Few: Uncle Jack Live VR.

## **Corrections**

The Parade District is most certainly not quarantined, as accidentally reported in Miss Gemma Olsen's article of last week. They are merely having an invitation-only autumn festival.

Despite the family's funeral announcement for Col. Thomas Lawrence (Ret'd) (see above), Col. Lawrence, the "hero of Ramsgate," is alive and well at home.

Mrs. Chippy did not actually have a maiden name, as Mrs. Chippy is a cat.

**The "O" Courant regrets the errors.**

###  Trivia

* All of the stories are mentioned in We Happy Few: Uncle Jack Live VR.

## Wastrels Say the Darndest Things, What's an Xbox One?

Have you been to the Garden District lately? We hope not, unless you are a bobby, like Constable Alex Kensington. It's his job to listen to Wastrel mutterings, and make sure these malcontents stay in the Garden District, where they won't bring anyone Down.

"Wastrels spout all sorts of rubbish," says Kensington. "Like as how the food is runnin' out, and we've come to the end of our time, and so forth. Lately they been jabberin' about something called an Xbox One, and how We Happy Few is coming to it. I've not the foggiest idea what that is."

We don't know either, but it sounds ominous. There's nothing to worry about of course, but if you do hear someone going on about X or Y or Z Boxes of any number, well, we all know what to do with Downers! That's right, beat them until they take their Joy!

Meanwhile, good on you for reading the Hamlyn "O" Courant. It is not only your best source of news, in a pinch it is quite chewy and filling, and provides you with all your dietary needs for ink!

###  Trivia

* Plans on releasing We Happy Few to the Xbox One had been established since 2015. The Early Access would be released on both Xobx One and on Steam in 2016.

## Byng: Church Fire Nothing to Worry About

In fact, there was no fire at all, according to sources close to the Hamlynn!

A weather balloon caused a small pocket of gas that made a very large sound. Nothing to see here, according to our friends in black.

## Wellington Under: Service Restoration Expected Early 1965

After several years of consistent, important maintenance, the Wellington Under may soon be coming back into commission.

The Wellington Under system has been undergoing routine repairs for what seems like a long time but probably isn't because we can't really remember when it started.

But, not to worry! We have been informed that the occasional person in a Workman's Suit has been seen wandering in and out of entrances across town. As a result, many citizens (including yours truly) are speculating that we may well be able soon to take a lovely trip down to the Garden District to gather new lichens and moss not seen in Hamlynn for some times. Who knows, we might even find mushrooms?

Golly gosh I could go for a mushroom right now. It would go perfectly with my sawdust curry and my side of delicious piped water.

## New Joy Flavour

The chemists of Wellington Wells have finally achieved something long thought impossible: the flavour "Earl Grey, Hot" will finally be available in Joy form! What a top job they have done.

All that remains is for this to be put into production, and of course to install it in dispensers around town.

###  Trivia

* "Earl Grey, Hot" is a reference to the American science fiction series, Star Trek.
* Later in development, tea flavoured Joy would not be possible since boiling water causes Joy to break down, nullifying its effects.

## What is Kickstarter?

Nothing to worry about, that's what! It's a lovely way to reach out to new people, to tell them about Wellington Wells.

While it is coming to an end soon, don't fret - if you miss out, Compulsion will continue to accept donations after the Kickstarter finishes.

## Wellington Wells New World Fashion Capital?

Introducing the latest garments in Wellington Wells fashion:
- teal striped dress
- black striped dress
- yellow striped dress
- pink striped dress
- teal dress with circular bit
- black dress with circular bit
- yellow dress with circular bit
- pink dress with circular bit

And in men's fashion:
- teal turtleneck
- blue turtleneck
- turtle turtleneck
- red trousers
- black trousers
- green trousers
- no trousers
(Just kidding! what fun that would be.)

## Home Army Readiness "Better than Ever"

Special report in from our embedded unit in the Home Army:

Greetings, fellow countrymen! All is well here. Yes, absolutely, we have all the ammunition we could possibly want, and absolutely are 100% prepared for the Next War! We are running low on bad jokes, though.

## "Band of Brothers" to Perform at Victory Day Celebrations

What's he that wishes so? My cousin, Westmoreland! No, my fair cousin; If we are mark'd to die, we are enow To do our cousintry loss; and if to live, The fewer men, the greater share of honour. God's will! I pray thee, wish not one man more.

By Jove, I am not covetous for gold, Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost; It yearns me not if men my garments wear; Such outward things dwell not in my desires.

But if it be a sin to covert honour, I am the most offending soul alive. No, faith, my coz, wish not a man from England. God's peace! I would not lose so great an honour. As one man more methinks would share from me For the best hope I have.

## Porpoise: "Some men just want to watch the world burn. This is the game for them."

The home office has been reporting a drop in criminal activity in our great city of Wellington Wells. There have been significantly fewer Downer-related supervillains, and a rise in general politeness on the streets.

Some say this has to do with a figure seen prowling around in the dark, muttering about unusual avian mammals on a robust vehicle, but this is just Joy hysteria.

## Join the Fun: How to Get to Wellington Wells

As we all know, all roads lead to Wellington Wells! We recommend taking your Joy, and then once happy, the second star to the right, and continuing on until morning.

## New Greetings Coming Soon!

Ever wonder what to say to people on the street? You can hardly go wrong wishing a fellow Wellie a lovely day for it, but variety is the spice of life, and tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes.

Have no fear, for the authorities have received a brand new shipment of greetings, and these will be distributed to all citizens - and even some lucky Downers! Soon you will be able to comment on the weather, and the time of day. Not only that, if you should be so unfortunate as to find yourself face to face with a Wastrel, you may even have something suitably loony to make them feel that you are, ever so briefly, one of their sort!

As ever, the Executive Committee is working hard to preserve our quality of life here in England's best preserved city, Wellington Wells.

###  Trivia

* In this build, Arthur was given a lot of new voice lines, many of which are still used today.

## Not Really a Pig

Constable Winslow has solved the mystery of Percy Lawrence's sighting of a large pig behind the King's Arms at 2 a.m. Friday last. Apparently, it was not a pig at all, but Terrance O'Malley doubled over from a slight overdose of Joy - which, it appears, Mr. Lawrence might have matched.

Remember, don't wash down your Joy with more Joy, or at least, if you do, remember your side-effects. If you are prone to seeing things as they are not whilst Under the Effects, then please ask a friend to confirm what you think you saw.

All those offerings to adopt the porker, or hoping for bacon, will have to wait for a real one.

###  Trivia

* This article is mentioned in We Happy Few: Uncle Jack Live VR.

## Hopscotch Thursday!

Last week's Hamlynn Hopscotch tournament was such a success that it's a repeat! All will gather Thursday at 2 pm for the festivities. Mrs. Clyde Cormack will provide tea and cakes as always. Don't be late, or we'll be cross with you!

## Uncle Jack Surprise Guest at van Putten Nuptials

Our favourite Dutchman, Thijs van Putten, has finally tied the knot with our favourite Dutch woman, Estrelle Thunnissen. Mr. van Putten has been the chief cook and proprietor of the Fragrance Harbour Chinese Restaurant ever since the original owner, Mr. Lee, decamped for Canada in 1942. The new Mrs. van Putten runs the Berkley Street Chip Shop (formerly the Berkley Street Fish & Chips Shop), so between the two of them, they seem to have cornered the market in cuisine! Much Joy to them both!

## Banzai with Constable Winslow

Due to the ongoing lack of crime, and particularly, the shortage of criminals, Constable Winslow has decided to take up the Japanese art of banzai, that is, the sculpting of tiny trees to look like big ones.

Anyone familiar with the art of banzai, please report to the police station at Thornbank Place on Tuesday afternoons, as Constable Winslow has not been able to obtain the relevant books.

###  Trivia

* This article is mentioned in We Happy Few: Uncle Jack Live VR.
	+ Just like in the VR game, Banzai and Bonsai appear to have been mixed up. Whether this was intentional or not is unknown.

## Wellington Well's Well is Well Again

According to Pip Swern of the Beautification Committee, the medieval well at the intersection of Albert Street and Tudor Lane will soon be re-opened. "We are delighted to restore this bit of Wellington Wells history. The well was first built under King Charles I, and was only closed in the 19th Century when the municipal water pipes came in," said Mrs. Swern. The new old well will be accessible to anyone with a bucket, which will come in handy in those areas no longer served by the Number 9 Municipal Water Pumping Station, which is currently being upgraded.

According to the O Courant's medical consultant, Doctor Leslie Best, townsfolk should have no fear of cholera from the old well. "That was over a hundred years ago," stated Dr. Thomas Best, "and the well has been sealed all that time." However, Dr. Best reminded us, it's always safe to drink water that has been boiled for tea, and there is no shortage of ta in Hamlyn, at least at present.

## A Man's Home Are His Castles

Mrs. Valerie Pye and Mrs. Mia Forthergill have been best friends and next-door neighbours for the past three years. Last Thursday, after an investigation by Inspector Malcolm Alen-Buckley of the Hamlyn Police, they also discovered that they are married to the same man. Mr. Nicholas Fothergill was summoned before the Crown when a butcher's delivery man went to the wrong door.

It appears that Mr. Fothergill has been keeping two wives in adjacent houses for at least three years, and possibly longer.

Inspector Alen-Buckley stated that "These days, once they put on their Happy Faces, a lot of men look quite similar, so I suppose the ladies thought nothing of it. I suppose all he had to do was change his clothes at the office, and go home to his other wife. How he kept it all straight in his head, and took his Joy, I couldn't say. Got to give him credit, he's a clever man, he is."

Mrs. Pye and Mrs. Forthergill were both surprised to learn of Mr. Fothergill's bigamy. "He did go on business trips quite an awful lot," stated Mrs. Pye, "but it's good to have that much business, isn't it?" Mrs. Fothergill added. "It's nice to have a bit of peace and quiet, so I never questioned it. Oh, I suppose maybe I did question it once or twice, but then he'd ask me about something else, and it would fly right out of my head."

When the O Courant asked Mrs. Pye how she explained that her husband had a different last name, she stated that she is a "Libby" and does not wish to be "shackled" to someone else's name.

Mr. Forthergill claims in his defense that he can never remember which house he lives in, or which woman he is married to. The authorities are attempting to discover whether this is a poppy-cock or actual balderdash.

Authorities are also attempting to discover if Mr. Forthergill has any other wives about town. He claims he has no recollection of marrying anyone else, but, as Inspector Alen-Buckley stated, "you can never be too careful these days."

## Yesterday's Ruckus

Everyone is talking about the shocking ruckus that happened yesterday in the vicinity of the Bulldog Pub. Her Honor Mayor Hardwick assures the public that it was never anything to worry about, and indeed it is not what some people thought it was. The authorities have the matter fully in hand and they are taking firm steps to make sure it never happens again.

In the mean time, keep calm and carry on, and don't forget to take your Joy!

## New Joy Flavour Soon: Coconut!

The brilliant chemists at Haworth Pharmaceutical have made great strides in the reformulation of everybody's favourite drug, Joy. According to Chief Chemist John Michael Osbourne, they expect to be able to release the latest flavour soon.

"We expect that most people who have difficulty tolerating the chocolate or strawberry flavoured isomers will find the new coconut flavour much easier." Isomers are versions of a chemical that are slightly different, with a few molecules in different places. "In the case of such a subtle drug as Joy, a few small changes may be the difference between dreams of Brighton Beach on a Sunday in 1939 and nightmares in which your pants turn out out be your old neighbour Freddy's who went on vacation months ago, and wants his socket wrench back," explains Professor Osbourne.

###  Trivia

* This is the first time Coconut was announced to be a future Joy flavour in the game.

## Foggy Jack Continues to Not Exist

Inspector Royston Luckingbill reminds the public that the malefactor known as "Foggy Jack" does not, in fact, exist, no matter what anyone says. "The public has nothing to fear. It's a fairy tale, really," stated Inspector Luckingbill to the O Courant.

Even if Foggy Jack did exist, of course, his only victims are people who should not be out after dark. He has never taken a Constable, and no one else should be out past curfew. You should be listening to Uncle Jack's bedtime stories!

###  Trivia

* In the Lightbearer DLC and Live VR game, Uncle Jack reads a very similar article during one of his broadcasts.

## New Budget Even More Frugal

Executive Committee member Mervyn Munt announced that the Ex Com has voted in new savings for the annual Town of Hamlyn budget. "We are fortunate that we have so much, and need so little, and therefore we don't need to spend as much as we have in the past.

The savings were possible because of the closing of one of the municipal water pumping stations, which the Town Council deemed no longer necessary, as it primarily served the Garden District.

Mr. Munt reminds us that while water from the Avon is perfectly safe to drink, it is also mildly flammable, and does not contain Joy. So villagers should use their tap water as much as possible.

## Bridge Trade to Reopen Presently

Cucumber lovers rejoice! Executive Committee member Beatrice Sackville announced to the O Courant that negotiations with the farmers across the Bridge have been entirely successful, and we can expect new boxes of vegetables any day now.

"We discovered an old horse-drawn disk harrow in the Wellington Wells museum. It's much easier to pull by hand than the kind they were using before the War, of course; those were made for tractors. They were very happy to hear about the horse-drawn kind, and we believe we'll be able to trade it for several months' worth of vegetables, as soon as we we can get back in touch with them.

## It's a Lovely Faraday For It!

Wellington Well's resident genius, Michael Faraday, believes he will soon have news of an exciting new invention. "My new invention" states Mr. Faraday, "will revolutionize its industry. People who were using the old technology will wonder how they ever got along without this new technology."

While Mr. Faraday was of course far too busy to discuss his invention at length with the O Courant, we spoke with his chief assistant, James Maxwell, who agreed with his mentor that the invention will "really turn the whole thing on its head, and the sooner the better."

###  Trivia

* It's very likely that Michael Faraday was supposed to be the brilliant scientist, before being changed to Helen Faraday.
* It's hinted in Act III by James Maxwell that Michael has gone on holiday.

## Bids Sought for Jubilator Upgrades

Executive Committee member Taylor Coleridge is soliciting bids for servicing and upgrading of the Jubilators in the Parade District. "We have exciting plans for expanding the role of the Jubilators; and of course keeping them (continue on page 10)

###  Trivia

* Neither Jubilators or the Parade District existed at this point in development, and were likely hints for future implementations.

## Hey, What the Hell...?

### Thank you for playing the PAX East 2016 demo of *We Happy Few!*

Ouch. That must have hurt. Sweet, sweet karma for all those poor Wellies you attacked, perhaps? This is just a small part of Arthur's story, and there is a lot more to come. Will he escape Wellington Wells? What made him want to leave such a lovely, happy place and become a Downer?

*We Happy Few* is coming out on Steam Early Access and Xbox One Game Preview in the next couple of months, where we will continue to develop the game. We hope you'll join us then! Thanks for playing!

###  Trivia

* This is the newspaper the player gets after completing the Pre-Alpha build 21735, the PAX build of the game.
* Some of the surrounding text around the main article clip into other surrounding texts.

## Congratulations!

### You're not dead yet!

You've got Arthur to the shores of the Parade District. Who knew he'd make it this far?

This is just a small part of Arthur's story, and there is a lot more to come. Will he survive long enough to escape Wellington Wells? Will he ever find his long lost brother?

The full story will come in the 1.0 release of *We Happy Few.* Until then, we'll be constantly adding new gameplay, and we'd love to get your feedback on the procedural world.

Come visit us on the Compulsion forums, the Steam forums (for PC users), or email us at feedback@compulsiongames.com!

###  Trivia

* This is the newspaper the player gets after completing the Early Access 27755 build.
* Some of the surrounding text around the main article clip into other surrounding texts.