El Gúga

### Biography

El Guga (Pronounced with a mildly aggressive Spanish accent) is the beholder of the Glugga's mascot costume. The costume is a filthy rat. It smells like vinegar and a little bit like white wine if you let your nostrils fester long enough. El Guga has worked at the restaurant since 1986 (After seeing David Byrne's film True Stories and thinking that it was a prophecy for him to follow) and he had a giddy ol' time bullying Bean Spiller and listening to terrible 80s music with Meemaw. The two used to go to middle school together and thus are very close friends. Unfortunately El Guga fucking died

### Role in Glugga's

El Guga first appears in the BUSINESS/FINANCE INTERVIEW WITH BUMBA AND EL GUGA. He is discussing a new Glugga's commercial that is advertising the new Mole Balls. Although El Guga expresses gratitude that the commercial is bringing them financial success, he is apprehensive about the new business decision. Bumba is displeased with El Guga's refusal to comply and becomes aggressive. This eventally leads to El Guga realizing that Bumba has gone insane and he attempts to call for help. For this he is killed. This is his only major role in season one.

In season two, El Guga appears as an active threat to Gooblets in THE NIGHT SHIFT AT GLUGGA'S WITH GOOBLETS, though he never attempts to kill him. He once again appears in EL GUGA LOSES EVERYTHING where he goes on a rant about how Amazon destroyed his MacBook Air. He is very angry and Fred the Foot Man tells El Guga that he wants to take him fishing to calm him down. El Guga turns down the request, and for this Jeff Bezos soon bursts out of El Guga's laptop and points a gun at him. El Guga pulls out his own gun and fucking murders Jeff Bezos. Thank God. Bumba then arrives at El Guga's house, revealing that this episode was a prequel to the BUSINESS/FINANCE INTERVIEW WITH BUMBA AND EL GUGA, meaning that El Guga died soon after. El Guga does not make a major appearance in THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE WALLS AT GLUGGA'S but he does appear in the sitcom sequence before Bumba hijacked it. El Guga joins the rest of the gang on their trip to Fumbleglump Forest in MITCH & THE SOPPING WET SLIDER SAMMIES, but he eventually says fuck it and abandons the rest of the gang to help Jeremy find his dad. He reappears at Mitch's birthday party and tells Mitch that he made his parents love each other again. It was all a ruse, though. His birthday gift really was jack shit.

### Quotes

* "Hola, Bumba! I am El Guga. Super excited for this budget meeting, my friend Bumba."
* "Thousands of short and fat children have been flooding in. They want our brand new product; Mole Balls."
* "BUMBA!? THIS IS NOT AN HOLA MOMENT!"
* "I don't know where you get the meat for the Mole Balls, but it's making the children bleed from the ears."
* "We used to be good pals... remember our summer in Barcelona? Remember college??"
* ***"SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH BUMBA!!!"***
* ***(LOUD SOUND OF BLOOD FLOWING LIKE A CALM RIVER IN BARCELONA)***
* "Amazon destroyed my MacBook Air, by copying Code on the email I sent to Jeff Bezos' personal email address (hidden)) on March 18,2018. I requested payment for the medical expenses, for the damage their carpet cleaning company did last June 29, 2017 by ruining the carpet in my house and for the money I lost for being out of the Market for 4 months. According to my Brokerage I lost altogether $74,599.00. Amazon's hackers changed the password and Code for the Firewall and according to Apple, all data in my MacBook Air have been deleted and everything is lost. One day I discovered my StockCharts Account had been cancelled. I emailed the owner and explained that I didn't cancel and it was probably Amazon. A few days later I received a note from StockCharts saying that they were going to Encrypt my Account. While I was typing a thank you note to the owner of the company on THEIR website, I mentioned some things Amazon had done. Suddenly the screen SWISHED away, when it came back a few seconds later, everything I had typed about Amazon was GONE! I am a 10 year Prime member of Amazon. I have bought many thousands of dollars of merchandise from Amazon. I received many, many emails of condolences for the damage done to my home from the HAPPINESS GUARANTEE DEPARTMENT. They promised to pay the expenses and Compensate me for the experience. Amazon didn't pay for the hospital and medical expenses or for the money that I lost for being out of the Market for 4 months or the Compensation they promised . Amazon blasted through all of the securities in 0 to 3 days. Three times in the middle of the night I have been startled awake by the music my MacBook plays when it is turned on. Before the entire computer was destroyed on Black Friday Amazon had destroyed the contents of 98 Blue Recovered Files. They are now marked "0 Items." My family photos dating back to the 1920s were reduced in size to 2"x3" and the description of the photos were deleted. All of the 400 photos were dated 2003. The files that I have collected over years are gone. Amazon put Activity Trackers on my MacBook. When I delete them they put two more on. They put 7 Go to Meeting Buttons on my MacBook. So people can access my MacBook easily. (Per APPLE.) There is a file on my MacBook that is locked with a Password. I cannot open the file on my own computer. There are other "shared" files that I can retrieve and put things in, but I cannot see them and cannot open them. UPDATE:. These 9 files are now in the hands of APPLE's Engineers, APPLE opened the 9 files yesterday. They were in Code and foreign languages that I couldn't read. I bought a new iPhone. Amazon was in it in 3 days. Amazon's hacker plus 5 followed me to a Webinar at my Brokerage. They have access to my computer so they knew about it and just followed me in. When I logged off, I saw the black screen and 5 others nestled behind. It was like looking at a hand of cards. This is Amazon's black screen that covers 75% if my MacBook. It is the last screen to go down when I log out. On Black Friday this year, I was trying to get refill brushes for my electric toothbrush. Even with the help of the Philips Customer Service, I could not see them on my screen. When I logged out I saw why. Amazon's black screen was the last to go down. Amazon followed me to three websites Friday. They prevented the screen I needed from loading. I logged back in a while later and had no trouble finding and buying what I wanted. When I opened my computer Friday evening, I saw something that I didn't recognize. When I clicked on it every country in the world popped up in the drop down box. I called Apple to get it removed. While I was sharing my computer, suddenly the Code to the Firewall popped up. Apple pointed to it and said delete this quickly! I did. This past Saturday morning when II logged on I saw a Screenshot that Amazon had taken the day before of the Firewall Code WITH APPLE'S RED ARROW POINTING TO IT was spread from one side of my MacBook to the other side. The Mac would not take my log in password that I have had for a year (since November 2017 when Amazon broke into my Mac and changed the password. I had to take it to the Genius Bar to get it open). At that time the Firewall had not been activated. Apple activated it this year in a futile attempt to keep Amazon out. My Retirement money is gone, my 750 Credit Rating has dropped to the bottom, my children's inheritance is gone, I am running out of money and all of my past life that was on my computer has been deleted. The comfortable Retirement that I would have had is gone. Everything is gone. Amazon has ruined my life."
* "Ho ho ho! Not so fast, little boy!"
* "Who?" (...) "Cares. Hehehehe!"
* "No worries, los ratones! I brought two Sopping Wet Slider Sammies from Arby's!"
* "Why did I just get a shiver down my spine."
* "Who even cares! Come on, Jeremy. Let's go find that little fucking rat... all offense to rats.
* "I made your parents love each other again, Mitch."

### Trivia

* El Guga has an implied romantic relationship with Fred the Foot Man.
* Meemaw used to attend middle school with El Guga. The two would skip class to scrape feces off the bathroom walls together. They got in a lot of trouble but nothing could clean their fingernails.
* El Guga fucking died. I know you already know that but I wanted to say it again.
* The voice for El Guga is done by Team\_Elii. Don't ask who that is.
* El Guga's favorite band is Radiohead.
* Evidently he used to have a romantic relationship with Bumba before the infamous budget meeting. The two went to Barcelona together.
* Bumba met El Guga in college. Possibly the worst day of El Guga's life.