Mario

Template:Hey Stinky!Template:Character Infobox

> It's-a me, Mario!
>
> Mario

**Mario** is one of the most popular and famous videoshame characters ever (though hipsters argue he's the one of the least popular and famous characters ever, as they don't want to admit they like something "Mainstream"). Mario is also a famed war hero, plumber, lawyer, accountant, rock-star, Baby, frog, and father.

Mario is currently first place on Biased Ratings' Top 10 Weirdest People list, and is a Heavenly Virtue of Temperance due to his moderation with his mushroom, spaghetti, pizza, etc.

Mario was originally supposed to be a simple fat plumber who liked to eat mushrooms. However, after Chuck Norris got pissed at fate, and roundhouse kicked it, Mario became a super-action-hero that storms castles and saves princesses. Mario's sudden change in character caused many unforeseen consequences and ripples throughout the space-time continuum, such as the awakening of Bruce Lee.

### Childhood

Mario was born March 8th 1581 in Italy. He was raised in New York city though because people from the near by land of the Mushroom Kingdom thought he was a god of some sort. They thought this because he had a mustache when he was born. This mustache became the symbol of Mushroom Kingdom for 5 years. They once even called it Mustache Kingdom, but a jerk from Hyrule came in, and cut off the king's mustache, so they once again called it Mushroom Kingdom, and Mario became the hated one.

Mario left New York city because of getting into hot water with the mafia at five years old, deciding to move to Hyrule. However, he was taken prisoner, and locked in a cell for thirty seconds. He was only locked up that long because they forgot to lock the door. Then, all of the guards fell asleep for some random reason. Mario then moved to France. He became the king's royal assistant under-secretary of things that don't really matter in training. This was a very high ranking in mid-evil France.

### Move to Mushroom Kingdom

After 50 years working for the king, he has not received one promotion. So, he jumped off a cliff, but survived because the cliff was only three feet high. He went to Mushroom Kingdom, where everyone had forgotten about him. He came back as Mr. Mario and worked in a toothbrush factory for ten years. But everyone figured out he was Mario the mustache baby in disguise. They forgot how evil his mustache was, and honored him as a hero. This is when they made Super Mario Cookies.

### Fame

 File:Rockin-mario.gif  Mario started his career in the 1600's as a set of Super Mario Cookies. The Super Mario Cookies become so popular, Mario was considered a god again (even though he was just some random loser with a mustache). This is also the time when he first met his long lost brother Luigi. Mario and Luigi became very famous together, to the point where Chuck Norris actually cared.

He managed to take over Italy and incorporate it into the Mushroom Kingdom for a couple of decades, but then Vinny of Stati Insula came in and turned the tables on him until UnTwo Sicilies reunited with the Mushroom Kingdom.

Mario began appearing in forms of entertainment. Mario was frequently inserted into Renaissance works of literature and art, such as William Shakespeare's *Romeo & Juliet* and the famous painting the Mario Lisa. He also created the Mario Tank.... GET THAT OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

### Sleep

Mario fell asleep for 250 years. Someone yelled I LOVE YOUUUEGH! and he then he woke up realizing it was 1980. He didn't remember anything before that until he ate one of those filthy abominations.

### Late 1980s

Everyone had forgotten how awesome Mario was, but when they saw his mustache, he became a hero again. By now, people had stopped making plays and paintings, so they came up with a new way to use Mario. The ghost of Mr. Nintendo paid Mario so many UnDollars, Mario passed out for several hours. When he woke up, Mr. Nintendo made him go in shames. His first shame was called Donkey Kong, and it was based off of Mario and his pet ape. Mario appeared in more shames than any person that ever existed.

 File:MarioGoomba.png  Mario is now even more famous than ever, so something bad just has to happen. Bowser came along, and kidnapped Peach. That made Mario abandon his job as a plumber/shame character, and made him save Peach. But then Nintendo started making shames based off these adventures. These are now the most popular Mario shames.

### ???

Mario would proceed to have a child by the name of Jeffy. Not much is known about this EVIL time period...

 File:Itsa me mahiru.png
### Present

Mario in the 2010s would then go on to form an alliance with former fuhrer Rip Torn and Peter Griffin to take down the Undefeatable Bob Saget. However they all were caught, leading to Bob Saget separating them all, destroying Mario's memories, dying his hair red and trapping him in the killing game on Evil Island with random strangers, and alter Mario's memory (and gender?) forming the new identity Mahiru, the Ultimate Photographer. Mario unsurprisingly would die in the killing game, but the 1-up mushroom would kick in and Mario would respawn a day later. Traumatized if it was reality or a dream, Mario would immediately swim away from Evil Island for 3 days straight and make it to Australia where the photographer would meet Saxton Hale, and become the 11th mercenary in the gravel wars despite the fact that the gravel wars were over.

During this time that Mario was missing, Luigi would be searching for Mario constantly. Nintendo saw this as an opportunity to create the shame Mario is Missing, hiring New Mario in Mario's absence for the shames they needed to make.

In 2023 on September 21st, Weegee Network filmed a documentary about the gravel wars and would air the series live on national television on February 29th of the next year. Some keen viewers noticed the similarity between Mahiru and Mario and this sparked various internet creators to launch a full-on investigation into Mahiru's past, and a bunch of stalking. Bob Saget would rig the DNA test, so the saliva from a burger Mario was eating was compared to previous Mario DNA came back 0%, and everyone would leave Mario alone for a week. After Bob Saget had his fun seeing the chaos ensue, he restored Mario's memories and hair color.

 File:Oh yeah...jpg  Soon after this Mario would return to his castle in the Mushroom Kingdom unannounced, where he would go back to his old way of life sitting on the couch, eating reasonable amounts of Spaghetti (an extremely rare lifestyle in the 2020s) and watching TV. He now also occasionally goes out to dinner with Peach and plays golf.

## Trivia

* He has no tonsils, as they were removed as per the standard procedure back in 1975.
* He likes to play golf sometimes.

## Sub-pages

* Gallery
* QuotesTemplate:Start box

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