What a Boy Wants

**What a Boy Wants** is the eleventh episode of the second series of The Osbournes. It originally aired on the 10th June 2003.

## Summery

The Osbournes struggle to come up with a gift for Jack's birthday. Kelly strongly objects when Jack dances with Christina Aguilera, whom Kelly had previously insulted on a number of occasions. Kelly complains that Jack is disrespecting her by hanging around someone that she dislikes, and insists that she would never do this to Jack. Jack tries to explain that Christina actually had nice things to say about Kelly. The kids get into a brawl, which Sharon must break up.

Meanwhile, Ozzy visits the dentist and gets intoxicated from the nitrous oxide, and he appears to take the rinse water and pours it over his ear. The family visits a medieval-themed club to celebrate Jack's birthday, and buys him a knight suit. Jack tries out his new sword by dueling with a buddy in the street.

## Memorable Quotes

"*How about "Hot?" Sexy?*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*You're a sign of the times!*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*Like Christina?*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*No! That's bad sexy! That's "Hollywood and vine" sexy, that's not sexy at all!*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*I think Christina Aguilera is one of the most awful human beings in the world. She's got an amazing voice but she's a cunt.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*What the fuck can I get him? I've got to buy him something cool, man. What can I get him cool? He's the fucking best, man!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*This fucking shit is a joke!*"
— Ozzy on nitrous

"*You get Medieval Times on the fucking phone right now!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Ozzy, I'm gonna put you on straight oxygen, okay?*"
— Dentist

"*Put me on straight nitrous*"
— A very high Ozzy

"*That was Christina Aguilera knocking on the door! It was Christina Aguilera, she's out there! Oh my God! She's wearing a really short skirt and a blue hoodie.*"
— Melinda Varga

"*Christina "cuntface" Aguilera*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*I could break her! She's like a twig. She's a fucking toothpick. She's a twat.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*I can tell she's not liked around here.*"
— Melinda Varga

"*I'm gonna get raped in a back alley and do crack! I'm going to a club, mum.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*It's like I can get him jewellery, but he'll lose it. I'd get him another computer game but he has all of those computer thingies. It's like...he's so hard to buy for. If I buy him clothes he won't wear it, I'd buy him a car but he doesn't have a licence.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*Mum, I have a jacket in the car! I'm Sexy!...kind of.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*Mum, you're out of your mind, goodbye!*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*Are you fucking kidding me?!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*I'M THE KING!*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*Seriously, it could have been a movie! I was just standing by the bar doing that antisocial thing. And I can hear someone screaming my name and I turned around and there's Christina Aguilera! And so I freaked out and went over there. I was like "Hi" introduced myself and sat down. No. Then I was like kicking it off on the dance floor, then she was like "Yeah! Yeah! Do it!"*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE!*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*It's gotta stop that stupidness between them.*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*I was just joking and I said "Mum, i want a motherfucking suit of armour for my birthday!" She goes "Okay"*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*Do you think you can fuck someone up with this?*"
— Jack Osbourne

## Trivia

* This episode contains the least amount of screentime from Ozzy Osbourne.