Elizabeth May

Elizabeth May was a character played by Jeb in City of Mutations. She was a politician who was very much pushing her environmentally friendly agenda, and a Sneaky Bastard who was quite good at her job.

## Backstory

After a falling out with parliamentary work, Elizabeth May fell through a plothole and ended up in the world of Murderhobo. She, of course, has little recollection of anything apart from the campaigns she has been in due to copious amounts of alcohol being consumed between scenes.

## Campaigns

### City of Mutations

#### Session 1

Things started off peachily. After realizing she was on a steam train, she mentioned that the conductor should be killed. Moments later, a beautiful opportunity presented itsself to her. It was only a matter of moments before a knife was jammed through his throat and into the back of his spine, allowing her to download the surface-level contents of his brain.

Then, the poor dead fool's head was sent tumbling down the hill, courtesy of Dindleboof's baseball bat. After a fiasco that resulted in them derailing then subsequently exploding the train, the party departed the tracks and went towards "the holy city" (as their Unhinged Priest, Makalamah, so lovingly called it). After discussing having tea and biscuits, Elizabeth and the Priest decided that it was teatime, and started brewing some tea.

Or, rather, everyone watched while Makalamah brewed a monstrous drink from the "finger-grass" and "face-flowers," terrifying flora that was no doubt the result of some horrifying pollution or another. It was a brilliant scent, and Elizabeth—being far from fully sane—cheerfully went along with things. After a lovely tea and biscuits, in the American style of pairing the biscuits with gravy, it was time to drink what they later dubbed "Mutation Juice."

Drinking the juice, a weeping taint began to seep from her eyes—not unlike those of the Dormmamu Priests from a certain superhero movie. Another draught caused weeping pores to open up on her face, venting steam and oozing pus. Being not completely irrational, she covered her face with a cloth.

Then, as to be expected when placing a large group of PCs near a volatile substance, a claw-monster erupted from the Makalamah's body, starting combat. Irked by Dindleboof that he didn't let her make the first attack, Elizabeth began attacking with her vast collection of diminutive swords nonetheless.

It wasn't long before the claw monster was subdued, and the PCs went on their way. Shortly after, they were joined by Sarvoth. Upon hearing he was another "Cleric," Elizabeth accepted him on the spot and offered him a drink of Mutation juice. He graciously accepted, and she watched as he drank himself into Jabba the Hutt. She decided to dabble a little further in the ways of the Mutation, growing a fully functional Justing Trudeau face from the back of her head. Needless to say, she switched from a cloth mask to full burka—with eye-holes in the back, of course.

Then, as the gods of the universe took a piss, they discussed how to transport the castle to the market, so that they could make megabucks. Sarvoth graciously narrated his own actions, prompting confused remarks from Elizabeth and Dindleboof and ultimately leading to the appearance of the tsundere god naming himself "Jee Em."

After the tsundere god disappeared with a "B-baka," three false Murderhoboes approached from the castle. Though prompted, they refused to present any official documentation of the Orc Tribes, despite an actual Murderhobo Orc being present. After negotiations fell through, Sarvoth began trying to convince the trio to convert to Mutationism and drink the juice. To demonstrate, both Sarvoth and Murderhobo began chugging the stuff, quickly destroying any semblance of their original form.

Elizabeth May began to have her doubts, claiming "I'm starting to have a very hard time justifying this," and eventually Sarvoth did the same. But the gods of chaos smiled upon them that day, and Murderhobo transcended into Liquid Beardbeard, allaying Elizabeth's apprehension. She sipped some more juice, hoping to get an exorcist neck so she could flip faces, but all the got was two extra gallbladders (allowing her to not have to piss for days, but take up to four minutes to do so—since it is canon that pee is stored in the balls, and since women don't have balls, pee is thus stored in the gallbladder after all) and four furred orfices into a pocket dimensions, each the size of her whole body, protruding off her face—literally, as they were glitching off the sides.

It was then time to murder the false hobos, who had turned on their newly-tentacled friend. With a dash and a slash, Elizabeth attacked the remaining uninfected enemies with her short sword. The rest of the party dove into the fray a moment later. After both enemies were incapacitated and mutated, Elizabeth sliced one of the false hobo's necks, then borrowed a bat from Dindleboof and bashed the corpse into something unfit for television.

Returning the bat, she turned her attention to new horizons: slaying the Paladins, which the false Murderhobos so graciously warned the party about.

"We should level up before fighting the paladins."

"You mean grinding?"

"Yes, exactly. Now, where are some good disposable NPCs for us to kill?"

#### Session 2

Where exactly did things go wrong? Perhaps things were wrong from the beginning. Well, any campaign involving what should really be referred to as PCs is likely to proceed in a similar fashion.

The party proceeded to the decrepit castle, which—contrary to its appearance—held a great host of paladins within. They were told this prior, but apparently they cared not for reason.

Elizabeth suggested they take a short rest, but—as with many of her utterances on this day—her request remained unacknowledged.

As some point or another, Sarvoth had mutated into a monstrosity 22 times his original size, and he began laying into the paladins that bravely charged out to defeat this Kaiju. The Attack on Titan theme, then the Shadow of the Colossus OST rang out. After Murderhobo—now Liquid Beardbeard—turned the small force into withermen, Elizabeth asked him to "leave one for her."

She meant in the sense that she would like to kill at least one paladin in the fight. Harry pointed out that one such enemy was attempting to escape, to which she jovially replied: "I'll make sure no one escapes alive." Trading a blow or two, her rather one-sided slaying was over quickly enough, though, at the sight of Sarvoth's gallant figure rolling over the paladins, she lamented her lack of AOE damage.

The wall, too, proved a difficult enemy. Climbing the left tower, Elizabeth began slashing and stabbing at it. She attempted to "charge" her second attack, and it seemed to double her attack power (while halving her attack rate). She and Sarvoth managed to tear the wall down quickly enough.

For whatever reason, the remaining show of force in the fort presented themselves before the great god Sarvoth, and began playing Sudoku. Elizabeth made sure to yeet all her weapons, claiming four more kills. Oh, and I suppose we should mention that, due to reasons, her ability to hit things became linearly more accurate the more enemies she fought.

After looting the castle, Elizabeth went over to tell Gingledoof—who had wandered off to the lake—that Sarvoth would be tunnelling. She originally planned to join in Sarvoth's venture, but bothering the mysterious cloaked figure was all to entertaining. She entered the boat with her newfound cabbage, an entity that has spawned from her blathering about the riddle of a man, a sheep, and a wolf.

Riding the boat through the lake, she began munching on the now-talking cabbage, receiving a gilded tongue for her efforts. It increased the effectiveness of her speaking by 50%, but, never having been much of a speaker, the former politician never got a chance to smooth talk anybody.

Arriving before Door, at the entrance to the something or other (let's call it a temple), Elizabeth was initially concerned that fighting it would be suicidal. However, after it acknowledged Sarvoth and allowed him and his allies through, she exited. Door was annoyed, so she was killed. To appease door, she exited the scene into the next scene, but Door was still not having it and killed her again. So she tried to exit the outside into the inside.

After quite a bit of trial and error, Elizabeth managed to enter the temple without actually entering. There were a bunch of boring rooms, like the one she teleported past. And the hallway that threw ballistae at them. One thing led to another, and Elizabeth sprouted 11 more Elizabeths from her tongue.

The 11 Elizabeths were exact duplicates, including the pocket dimensions containing 33 swords and a single dagger. Thus, the 24 armed beast began wielding a sword per arm, though her plan of yeeting 36 swords at once using Blades Everywhere never came to fruition.

Suddenly, mice in a box! While she wasn't paying attention, the party had completed the hallway encounter. For whatever reason, they turned into mice, and Elizabeth—in her infinite wisdom—decided that attacking the guide guy was the best plan.

Somehow, it actually fucking was. They entered the boss room, and Elizabeth did literally nothing but interrupt and complain as the campaign came to an end. Then, as water flooded into the room after the rocket that was formerly Sarvoth blasted off again, she gulped air into her 24 lungs and 36 gallbladders, swimming her way to freedom.

*The*fucking *End.*And good riddance.