Heartless

HEARTLESS

by moon

**Warning**: This book contains descriptions about physical and mental abuse, as well as toxic relationships. There are suicidal thoughts, depression, and other mental illnesses. As well as some minor cursing. If any of this disturbs you, you are advised to turn away now.

CHAPTER ONE

I smile, looking out at the rays of the sun, just shining over the edge of the horizon. It was a beautiful night out tonight, filled with love. Precious, sweet, innocent love. Something I could only wish to possess. No, only my love was use, they used me to get what they want.

And I, me being a stupid idiot, fell into it. I thought they loved me for who I was, that they would travel to the ends of the earth and back for me. I know I would have. I would have given up everything to be with him, yet he turned on me. He turned his back and wasn't coming back.

I remember the day he told me he loved me. I way the wind was blowing across my hair, begging it to fly with them. The bitter cold was instantly replaced by the warmth with the three simple words. "I love you."

Those words were a lie, nothing but a giant lie. My heart closed off anyone who wanted to ask me out. Too afraid of being used again for their own desires. I hated him for doing that to me, for hating me. For acting while my feelings were true.

People tried to win their way to my heart, but it was only ever for him. He knew that and took advantage of it. Leaving me here broken and shattered, slowly bleeding out on the wooden floor. My heart shattered that day, the pieces scattered all over the place. No one was here to heal it.

I gave up on love after that, giving up sounded like the best option. Love life isn't my strong suit, and never will be. I loved him, and my heart led me wrong. Why would I trust it now? It hasn't grown wiser, believe me, I know. I still love him even after all he did to me.

He wanted nothing more than to have a pretty girl to show off. I was that pretty girl, I was his love. He acted all sweet and caring in front of his friends, bending over to kiss me often, hugging me, holding my hands. He was a completely different person at home though, he slapped me, kicked me, skinny and fat shamed me. He was abusing me.

I was never good enough for him. He forbade me from a lot of things such as talking to my boy best-friend, my girlfriends, the male teachers in our school. Whenever I was caught, I was punished. The punishments included whipping, ignoring me, ghosting me sometimes, and even saying we're breaking up.

He never did break up with me though, until he saw me hugging Jacob, my boy best friend. The moment was broken by his screams of rage. The way tears fell strictly down his face, how Jacob went to stand in front of me when he approached. I squeeze my eyes shut as I relive the moment.

*I ran towards the restaurant, knowing Jacob would be there, closing up. I needed someone to talk to after today's fight with Samuel. He was the one I could turn to in need.*

*Opening the door, the tiny bell dings at my arrival. A tall, lanky boy was sweeping floors. He opens his mouth without looking up to see who it is. "Sorry, mam or sir, we're closing down. You'll have to come in tomorrow."*

*"It's me," I whisper, trying to hold back the sobs threatening to burst out of my throat. I needed someone to talk to.*

*He turns his head, hearing my voice. "Serafina? Is that you?" He asks, on the verge of a yell of pain. "You haven't talked to me in weeks. What makes you come crawling back now?"*

*"I'm so sorry for ghosting you," I whisper, my voice barely leaving my mouth. "I was wrong in that decision. I let love blind my mindset and infiltrate the rights and wrongs of my moral compass. Samuel told me if I wanted to prove my love I had to ghost you." I pause, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I realize what an idiot I have been now. Could you ever forgive me?"*

*He looks down at me, slightly smiling. His blue eyes were glimmering in the dim lights at my apology. "Of course I can forgive you. We can start over again. Learning each other better this time."*

*I smile softly, green eyes dancing with joy. "I promise to not let love server our friendship again," I breathe out walking closer to him. "Can I tell you something?"*

*"Anything."*

*"Samuel and I had this giant fight earlier today. It was over me being called on and answering Mr. Smith. He screamed that I was cheating on him, and I had to leave. I yelled back that it wasn't my stupid fault that he called on me, and that it would be rude to not answer him."*

*I burst out into tears after that, Jacob pulled me into a tight hug. He strokes my hair, telling me that it would all be alright. That me and Samuel would either break up or solve it soon. I'm still crying into him when the door opens.*

*We both turn to see Samuel standing there, fists clenched together, staring at our embrace. I flinch back, leaning in tighter to Jacob. "I thought I had forbidden you from seeing him!" He yells at me.*

*"You can't control who I see, and who I don't!" I scream back, completely losing my temper. Samuel takes a threatening step forward as I take one backward. Jacob pulls me back as he steps in front of me.*

*Samuel speaks in a low tone. "Serafina, is that how you talk to me?"*

*"No, but I'm done acting like your servant."*

*I gulp as the two males start circling with each other, their eyes narrowed. Almost like a pair of cats ready to launch into a fight. Samuel makes the first move, throwing a punch to Jacob's gut. Jacob throws another punch at his jaw. They are soon wrestling on the floor. That is all I saw before I closed my eyes and leaned up against the wall.*

*Jacob must have been worried about me because I heard scrambling and then a thunk. Followed by the voice of Samuel. "Serafina, we're breaking up."*

*I don't pay attention to him, as I keep my eyes shut tightly. "You've disobeyed me multiple times, and that is something I'm not looking for. Goodbye."*

*I hear his footsteps as he walks towards the door. He slowly opens it, sending off the bells. After a few seconds of silence, I open my eyes to see an unmoving Jacob on the floor. Blood was slowly pooling around him from the giant slice on his belly.*

*I immediately called 911, telling them what happened and where we were. They told me they were on their way. That thing was the last thing I remember before my world turned black.*

I sigh, reopening my eyes. Apparently, I was crying because I found wet spots on my knees. The sun was set below the horizon now, if I hurried maybe I could see if Jacob woke up today. It was unlikely he did, he had been asleep for a week now. Doctors say we should let him go to the afterworld now.

I didn't let that part stop me though. I pray that God sends up a miracle and helps him. He defended me with his life, now we both have to pay the price. I sigh softly as I swiftly navigate the dark streets of Celestial. I knew them better than anyone else. After all, I had been raised on them and I was quite the curious child at night when I was younger. I still am.

The tapping of my own footsteps is all I hear echoing out into the night. One lonely call of the bird sitting on a wire all by itself. I was the bird and the night was my wire. It was a safe, comforting, peaceful time. I could let all my worries melt away besides Jacob and Samuel. He hadn't been arrested for the assault in the restaurant because he was still the Mayor's son.

Two could play at that game. If he wanted to hurt me and Jacob, he had to find us first. I keep skirting around the buildings, holding my breath. Southern Celestial University would be expecting my return back soon, all students weren't allowed to be outside after three. From my inner clock, it was one already.

I see the glowing lights of the hospital ahead. If you had told me two years ago I was going to the hospital for therapy and to see my probably dying friend, I would have called you crazy. I guess the unexpected was the most likely thing to happen.

The hospital wasn't open to visitors at this time, but they would let me through. They know that I won't stop visiting him until he is released, and that way I can say how sorry I am for acting like such an idiot with Samuel. Friends before relationships is what I promised myself when I woke up in the hospital a week ago.

I will never let anyone get in between me and him again. He has always been there for me, and always will be. I feel his presence alongside me as I run through the streets, heading towards his body. Just like the days we would explore in the middle of the night, playing with each other.

That was actually how I first met him, by exploring in the middle of the night. We were both sneaking out to go see the alleyways and learn our way around town. That is what sparked the friendship. I smile thinking about it.

As I continue running, I let my mind drift off into that memory. The memory is full of peace, comfort, and joy unlike my life nowadays.

*I look outside my window. The moon was high in the sky, glimmering down onto the small town. The street lights are the only thing shining down on the lonely streets. My hands itch to go outside and explore. Even though I know that my mother would kill me if she caught me.*

*I found myself opening the windowsill anyway. My hands worked fastly on the locks, untangling them with ease. I wouldn't get caught then. As soon as the window is free I pull it open. I smile as the cold wind blows on my cheeks.*

*Seeing the ivy on the bottom I crawl out of the window. Gripping the ivy tightly, I find the pathway to maneuver my way to the dirt floor beneath our house. I look around at the quiet area, scary and enchanting at the same time.*

*When you're by yourself at night for the first time, there is just something so magical about it. It is undesirable. I take a deep breath in, feeling the cold night air chilling my lungs. I take a step away from the house, testing that there isn't anyone outside. No sounds come, but that doesn't stop my worrying. What if mother found out that I was gone?*

*She won't, my mind reassures me as I take another deep breath. I couldn't be a scaredy cat forever. Eventually, I would have to face my fears and explore the town. Tonight was the night to do that. There was a candy shop I liked somewhere near here. I always kept ten dollars on me so I could do that.*

*I start walking in the direction of the candy shop. My footsteps echoed loudly along the empty streets. These people must not be night owls. It would make sense, after all the town was named Celestial. No one here would be as big a night owl as me. Which is what made it hard to make friends. No one could relate to my love of the night. I would eventually find a way past that though.*

*The comforting darkness swirls around me, the comforting whispers surrounding me. Singing me a lullaby no one else hears. It's comfortable like a mother's song to their child. Beautiful yet scary in a sense. That was what made the night, the night I love.*

*I see the familiar lights of the candy shop up ahead of me. The only lights that were on in the neighborhood. My nighttime adventure was almost to a close, guess my fun would end early tonight.*

*As I walk into the building I see some kid sitting there. He has dark brown hair and warm brown eyes. Around my age, if I had to guess. I might as well go talk to him. "Hey," I say, walking up to him.*

*"Hey," he responds, glancing up from his float. "I'm Jacob. What's your name?"*

*"Serafina. Nice to meet you, Jacob."*

*"Nice to meet you too."*

*We talked until the store closed after that. About random stuff, mainly involving our love of the night. He made me laugh, a rare accomplishment. I sigh when the person tells us the store is closing.*

*"Guess I got to go home now."*

*"Me too. Bye, Serafina."*

*"Bye."*

I calmly walked into the hospital. The bustling of doctors was still as active as ever in the world. How it made me want to cry so badly. For there to be that much crime that doctors couldn't even get a break at one. A doctor comes up to me as I'm making my way to Jacob's room.

"Miss, visiting hours are closed. I'll have to ask you to come again another day." He states, trying to usher me out of the hospital. "Unless you need help you can't be here. Not at this time anyways."

I stand firm watching him. My green eyes are calculating and cold. I'm making it clear I'm not someone you want to mess with at this hour. "Kind man, I am Serafina Caddel and I am here to see Jacob Miller. You will let me through to see him before the night is over."

"Oh, I'm so sorry Serafina. I didn't know it was you, please come through." The doctor responds, leading me to Jacob's room.

"I accept your apology," I state carefully, still staring at him. "Has any improvement been experienced yet?"

"I'm afraid not Miss," he responds, looking clearly at me. "We're here to report it getting worse not better. You might as well want to euthanize him. His parents are on the verge of agreeing with it, they just want your approval."

"Well, they won't get it until I die," I hissed at him before turning back to the door. The doctor tries to reach out toward me, but I avoid him as I enter the tiny room.

It was filled with surgical equipment. It was a tiny space, but you wouldn't need much room to store a human in a coma I suppose. A huge machine was beside the bed beeping. Its cords were attached to an unmoving boy.

I walked up to him, his brown hair pushed neatly out of his closed eyes. It would have looked like he was taking a nap if several cords weren't attached to him, giving him what he needed to live.

"Hey, Jacob," I start slowly, trying to hold back the tears. "If you can hear me, know that I miss you and I want you back here." I lock my fingers into his unmoving hand, acting like the old days when we were constantly holding hands. "You shouldn't have been such a wonderful idiot to try and save me from Samuel."

I sit there, softly crying for a few minutes when I hear a knock on the door. It must be coming from a nurse coming to tell me to leave. "Come in," I say loudly enough for them to hear me.

The young nurse scuttled in after she heard the words. She looks scared? I look softly at her, my eyes pinpointing every move. "I'm sorry Miss, but we cannot allow you to stay here any longer with your friend."

"It's fine," I responded. "I'll leave now, I need to get back to my college anyways." I sigh leaving the hospital. I wish silently to the stars that Jacob would make a recovery even though it was unlikely.

CHAPTER TWO