Homestuck/MSPA Rewrite Part 4

DO NOT PROTECT THIS PAGE (UNLESS I HAVE ADMINISTRATOR BACK) IN CASE I NEED TO EDIT PAGE ACCORDINGLY DUE TO POSSIBLE CHANGES IN THE DOCUMENT. Refer to the disclaimers in Homestuck/MSPA Rewrite Part 1 for more information on why this page exists. It's important. But the gist is, I want to archive it/save my work somewhere, and please don't read if you want to wait until I release the finished product. Thank you.

*Pages 76-100 (A third of the way there. There are predictably going to be eight more pages after this, and that number will slowly go up with each 25 pages that I complete. I will have to add the rest of the archive tomorrow [or the next day, whenever I get on next].)*

As with every other guide that I wrote, this guide is my own property! I happily made this for all to enjoy and to use, and all that I ask is that if you are planning on using this for your site, then just ask me for permission ok. I'm really easy to get along with and generally don't mind it so long as you ask for my permission first. Don't go thinking "Oh he'll never say ok, lets just rip the guide and post it anyways" because that's a flawed way of thinking. Just give it a shot sometime and you may be surprised! My e-mail box is always open!

Time to get started with the adventure at hand!

3 - Items

– KEY –

Description: You're quite sure there has never been a KEY on your desk, and never will be.

Location: On PS's desk.

Steal From: BORTHRAX, FLUTHLU, JELLIED DEMONGEIST

Use With: HANDGUN BULLETS (MAX 6)

Alchemy Guide

(3) CANDY CORN + (1) RUBBER TUBE + (2) ELF HAT = (1) KEY.

(1) KEY + (8) DROPS WEASEL SNOT + (1) CODE MACHINE = (1) TOOTSIE ROLL.

NOTE: Sells for 17 SPONDULICKS.

– TUBA –

Description: Filthiest horn you've ever seen. You'd sooner press your blowhole to the dick of a rowdy leper.

Location: PS's back room + in Elf Princess's tower.

Steal From: LV. 86 EARL MOLASSES FATTS-WRAITH

Use with: HORN POLISH, FATTS PAINTING, LIPS + MELODY + SOUL

Alchemy Guide

(8) STRANDS PIANO WIRE + (6) GLASS SHARD + (1) ROMANCE NOVEL = (1) TUBA.

(2) TUBA + (1) COUCH CUSHION + (1) IMAGINARY GRAMMAPHONE = (1) SACRED URN.

NOTE: Sells for 0 SPONDULICKS. (200 if properly polished)

– SALTED MELON –

Description: Lusted after by hog-king, nurtured protectively by weasel-nation. Luscious, mouthwatering contraband. Diplomatic quagmire.

Location: Weasel orchard, under NB's bed, behind speakeasy counter, in clown cottage, inside PS's reel-to-reel machine, inside Starsky bust, above dumbwaiter in PS's back room, behind hot sauce still, in dumpster in imaginary alley, in crawlspace between HD's and NB's rooms.

Steal From: WEASELS, WEASEL KING, MORTHOL DRYAX'S BONEGUARD MOUNT.

Use with: MUSTARD, A LITTLE HORSERADISH, EAGER HOG

Alchemy Guide

(1) MACHINE GUN + (10,000) PEZ = (1) SALTED MELON.

(10) SALTED MELON + (1) CURTAIN ROD + (1) BRASS KNUCKLE = (1) REFULGENT HORN.

NOTE: Sells for 3 SPONDULICKS.

– CHIPOTLE PEPPER –

Description: Hottest pepper this side of the Rio Grande! Better have a strong stomach capacity before braving this vegetable.

Location: Under Ace Dick's hat.

Steal From: Ace Dick.

Use with: HOT SAUCE STILL.

> PS: Scroll down a ways. (00417)

9 - Walkthrough

Here is a complete walkthrough of this game for beginning to end.

THE FIRST ROOM: OH NO YOU'RE TRAPPED!

Yes, that's right. Get used to it! It happens a lot in this game, anyway, so your going to want to start messing around with a lot of stupid and useless sounding commands to waste as much time as possible and get no where. But I can help you get through some of this faster by saving you some time… but I will still be thorough so you dont miss anything… ok here we go.

COMMAND: Quickly retrieve arms from safe.

Try not to be fooled by the fact that the guy does not have arms! This will happen a lot in the game, you'll say where's his arms? But don't worry, he has them, it's just you can't see them usually. Try to resist asking where his arms are.

COMMAND: Retrieve your gun, there are dames to be rescued!

There is your gun sitting on your desk, it looks really tempting to pick up and shoot… but wait not so fast, there is this weird glitch in the game that happens a lot, you'll see, it turns into a key. Ok, next lets see if we can do some thing about that door.

> PS: Search for 'diplomacy'. (00418)

– SLEUTH DIPLOMACY –

Description: Allows you to acquaint recipient with your brand of diplomacy.

Required Character Rating: DAPPER SWAIN

Elf Tears: (1)

Weasel Snot: (0)

Hog Slop: (0)

Pie Filling: (0)

Attack power: 33

Brutal Affront: 2%

Savage Upbraid: 1.3%

– SUMMON HENRY CLAY –

Description: The Great Compromiser wheels and deals on your behalf, for a fee.

Required Character Rating: PICAROON'S SCOURGE

Elf Tears: (0)

Weasel Snot: (1)

Hog Slop: (0)

Pie Filling: (3)

Attack power: –

Spondulicks levied: 3500

– SEPULCHRITUDE –

Description: Righteous fire of charisma. Consumes recipient, host, and all who surround in scathing cyclone of personal charm.

Required Character Rating: GROOM TO THE HABERDASHER'S DAUGHTER

Elf Tears: (36)

Weasel Snot: (12)

Hog Slop: (18)

Pie Filling: (29)

Attack power: 480,000

Dire Animadversion: 100%

> PS: Keep searching… (00419)

– CHEAT CODE 1328 –

This is for that hard part with the four kingdoms that involves every trick of diplomacy you've learned on to this point…! The kingdoms are not getting a long so Problem Sleuth has to negotiate a solution. (see part 54.3 in walkthru for this… also make sure you've sharpened the tectrix of the arbitor and have obtained the ink of squid pro quo, it will really help…) People complain that its basically impossible but personally i like to just use the Allegiance Mesh and get through it and not cheat, but if you just don't have the time you can use this code to get passed it.

23-55-GM-OC

13-CA-PO-32

FT-4M-88-CZ

> PS: Print cheat code. (00420)

The DOT MATRIX PRINTER prints out your code.

> Prussian AD: Go downstairs and check out swimming pool. (00421)

It is a luxurious above ground pool. It looks refreshing.

It also appears to have a jacuzzi setting.

> AD: Toss ferruginous horn into pool. (00422)

Not taking any chances, you toss the horn in before going for a dip.

Something comes out of the manhole over there, near where NB is.

> OG AD: Go down to street and grab horn. (00423)

You put the FERRUGINOUS HORN in your inventory.

> AD: Go back up, then go down to office for other horns. (00424)

You take the POLISHED HORN and the BURNISHED HORN from your office.

> AD: Go to hot sauce still. (00425)

It's sort of a pain in the ass getting around this place.

> AD: Make 5 alarm hot sauce. (00426)

You deposit the POLISHED HORN, the BURNISHED HORN, and the FERRUGINOUS HORN into the still hatch.

You retrieve the CHIPOTLE PEPPER from your HAT, and put that in as well.

It will be a little while before it is ready.

> HD: Go through mirror to look for NB. (00427)

You turn the key and enter the portal.

The small Ace Dick follows you through.

The candy mecha walks out the door for some reason.

You are surprised to find yourself as a giant Hysterical Dame. It causes you to feel slightly more hysterical.

Small Ace Dick is now a normal-sized Ace Dick.

> Prussian AD: Activate jacuzzi setting on pool. (00428)

The pool begins to bubble vigorously.

Something appears in the sky above the manhole.

> NB: Investigate the portal nervously. (00429)

(NB looks inside the portal. She pokes her head out of the pool, inside Mobster Kingpin's office, with the man himself inside to look at her.)

> MK: Retrieve arms from dollhouse. (00430)

You've already got arms, shitforbrains!

> MK: grab brass knuckles. (00431)

You're quite sure there are no BRASS KNUCKLES on your desk. That space has clearly been reserved for the MEGATON KEY.

> PI: Get cheat code from printer. (00432)

You retrieve the CHEAT CODE.

> PI: Go to control room. (00433)

There is a big mess in here. It looks like there was a fun puzzle that you would have really enjoyed solving, especially that sudoku up there. Alas, to your eye, it has already been solved perfectly.

It looks like your candy corn liquored-up imaginary self is floating out there. You wonder what he wants.

> Imaginary PI: COMBAT OPERANDI -> TEMPORAL REPLICSIMILE (00434)

You split into two Pickle Inspectors. One of them disappears into the past, the other, into the future.

You appear in the past and enter the window to find Ace Dick struggling to solve a difficult puzzle.

You think you could probably take a crack at it. In particular, that sudoku is tickling your puzzle bone.

> PI: Solve the sudoku. (00435)

Absolute perfection.

The rest of this puzzle should be a breeze.

In a little while, you solve the rest of the puzzle, blowing yourself up in the process. The physical world can no longer sustain your imaginary body.

> This is getting kind of confusing. (00436)

Godhead Pickle Inspector thinks you should just relax and have fun, and not worry too much about it.

But if you need a refresher on what's actually going on with all these character duplicates and time-bending shenanigans, he offers the scoop.

There is still only one Problem Sleuth, who is off in some enchanted land sifting through a political crisis.

There is one real Pickle Inspector, and there were 8 imaginary Pickle Inspectors. All but two of them were killed, and one became GPI. The other one just split into two, and one of those just went back in time and died. The other one went into the future, possibly to reappear some time later. This means there is now one real Pickle Inspector in the present, and one imaginary one in the future.

There are 3 Ace Dicks, for the following reasons.

PS, AD and PI each have a lady counterpart, in accordance with deep seated mythology that dictates that any man secretly wishes to have sex with a female version of himself (re: Alvin and the Chipmunks, Mickey/Minnie, etc.) HD is PS's counterpart, NB is PI's, while AD is his own counterpart because he has a very poor imagination. So that's one duplicate AD, the one with the wig/helmet.

Also, a while ago AD used a game code to restore an earlier state in the game. That earlier version of AD went through the storefront and out the music box and became small AD. Meanwhile, the present AD went about his business in the present.

That makes 3 Ace Dicks, the normal one, the small one with the skull (though now normal-sized), and the girl one, who is not actually a girl.

See, how hard was that???

> Ok, got it. PI: Enter code. (00437)

Pickle Inspector in the present enters the cheat code.

Reality bends around you. You feel as if you are about to skip a lot of really difficult and boring parts of the game.

SUCCESSFUL POLITICAL NEGOTIATION!

Problem Sleuth has penned an accord among the four kingdoms. Parades choke rural hamlets. Statues erect. Peace prevails.

> PS: View terms of treaty with Adobe TreatyViewer. (00438)

Treaty of the Sleuth's Intercession

August 17, 2008

Treaty Sections:

1. Articles 1-26 The Covenant of the League of Kingdoms
2. Articles 27-30 Boundaries of Melon Orcharding
3. Articles 31-117 Political Clauses for Muddy Wallowlands
4. Articles 118-158 Clown Rights and Interests Outside Pie Filling Veins
5. Articles 159-213 Military, Naval, and Air Clauses
6. Articles 214-226 Prisoners of War and Graves
7. Articles 227-230 Penalties
8. Articles 231-247 Reparations
9. Articles 248-263 Elf Egg Clauses
10. Articles 264-312 Porcine Dignity Clauses and Rump Sovereignty
11. Articles 313-320 Aerial Navigation
12. Articles 321-386 Ports, Weasel Snotways and Filling Pipelines
13. Articles 387-399 Labour, Egg Harvesting, Produce Cultivation
14. Articles 400-427 Procedure and Motion for Cessation of Elf Tears
15. Articles 428-433 Guarantees, Slapping Caveats
16. Articles 434-440 Miscellaneous Provisions

Articles 1-26 The Covenant of the League of Kingdoms

THE HIGH CONTRACTING PARTIES, In order to promote international co-operation and to achieve international peace and security by the acceptance of obligations not to resort to war by the prescription of open, just and honourable relations between kingdoms by the firm establishment of the understandings of international law as the actual rule of conduct among Governments, and by the maintenance of justice and a scrupulous respect for all treaty obligations in the dealings of organized peoples with one another Agree to this Covenant of the League of Kingdoms.

ARTICLE I.

The original Members of the League of Kingdoms shall be those of the Signatories which are named in the Annex to this Covenant and also such of those other States named in the Annex as shall accede without reservation to this Covenant. Such accession shall be effected by a Declaration deposited with the Clown Secretariat within two months of the coming into force of the Covenant Notice and with conscription of 4000 litres of Pie Filling to the Secretariat from State's share of Mutual Filling Reserve, subject to approvals and authored witness of the Hog Prothonotary's snout stamp. Any fully self-governing State, Dominion, or Colony not named in the Annex may become a Member of the League if its admission is agreed to by two-thirds of the Assembly provided that it shall give effective guarantees of its sincere intention and effects regularly audited emoluments to the Weasel King in increments of Acceptably Commuted Egg Collateral [SEE FAIR EGG ACT, ARTICLE 251]. Any Member of the League may, after two years' notice of its intention so to do, withdraw from the League, provided that all its international obligations fulfilled at the time of its withdrawal, and its Internationally Regulated Orcharding Militias responsibly disbanded at the oversight of the Assistant Weasel Actuary.

ARTICLE 2.

The action of the League under this Covenant shall be effected through the instrumentality of an Assembly and of a Council, with a permanent Clown Secretariat.

ARTICLE 3.

> PS: View Articles 248-263. (00439)

Articles 248-263 Elf Egg Clauses

PART IX.

ARTICLE 248.

Subject to such exceptions as the Elven Reparation Commission may approve, a first charge upon all the Oviary Assets and Revenues of the Weaselic Empire and its constituent States shall be the cost of reparation and all other costs arising under the present Treaty or any treaties or agreements supplementary thereto.

Arrangements for cessation of hostility concluded between Weaselic and the Allied and Associated Powers during the Armistice or its extensions shall hold contingent to the terms of Commuted Egg Collateral, whereby agreed upon substitution eggs shall back currency and comprehensive fiscal reserve of Assembly under this Covenant.

Up to May 1, 2009, the Weaselic Government shall not export or dispose of, and shall forbid the export or disposal of, elf eggs without the previous approval of the Allied and Associated Powers acting through the Elven Reparation Commission chaired by the presiding Elf Apparatchik.

ARTICLE 249.

There shall be paid by the Weaselic Government the total cost of all armies of the Allied and Associated Governments in occupied Weaselic territory from the date of the signature of the Armistice of November 11, 2007, including the keep of men and beasts, lodging and billeting, pay and allowances, salaries and wages, bedding, heating, lighting, clothing, equipment, harness and saddlery, armament and rolling-stock, rump ointment, elven nesting supplies such as dry detritus, kindling, fagot bundles, pheasant down and hog slop, brokered concilation among hog slop suppliers and elven resellers and reparation of trade routes, and in general the cost of all administrative or technical services the working of which is necessary for the

> PS: View Articles 214-226. (00440)

Articles 214-226 Elf Egg Clauses

SECTION I.

PRISONERS OF WAR.

ARTICLE 214.

The repatriation of prisoners of war and interned civilians shall take place as soon as possible after the coming into force of the present Treaty and shall be carried out with the greatest rapidity.

ARTICLE 215.

The repatriation of Weaselic prisoners of war and interned civilians shall, in accordance with Article 214, be carried out by a Commission composed of representatives of the Allied and Associated Powers. The Commission shall repatriate citizens as accorded by their Government's Repatriation Mandates, as Covenant's Dignity Clauses shall specify [SEE PORCINE DIGNITY CLAUSES, ELVEN AGITATION NORMALIZATION PROCEDURES UNDER THE TEAR PRESERVATION ACT, MORATORIAM ON BAKER'S RIGHTS VIOLATIONS AS ITEMIZED IN APPENDICES DRAFTED IN ACCORDANCE THE HARLEQUIN ENNOBLEMENT TRUST, AND ALL MANDATES WHOSE ACTIONABLE LEVERAGE SHALL BE IMPACTED THROUGH THE UPDATED WEASELIC DOSSIER CITING THE MELON ORCHARDER'S PROTECTED SOVEREIGNTY ACT].

SECTION II.

GRAVES.

> PS: View Articles 264-312. (00441)

Articles 264-312 Porcine Dignity Clauses and Rump Sovereignty

PART X.

SECTION 1.

HIND QUARTERS REGULATIONS, DUTIES AND RESTRICTIONS.

ARTICLE 264.

Clown Kingdom and Affiliated States undertake tenet of universally upheld Signatory Doctrine inscribing this truth, one and all rumps shall be regarded as sovereign inviolable territory, which if breached through aggressive instrument of unwelcome slap, spank, or such mischievous interface between palm and tender portion as outlined clearly [SEE SWINE DECENCY ANNEX WITHIN REDRAFTED PORK HARASSMENT COMPENDIUM] this body shall be held in breach of this Treaty's Contractual Bond.

ARTICLE 265.

Signators shall recognize the Clown Kingdom's inalienable right to satisfy slapping requirements and shall agree to strict concessions accommodating ally's rump-driven economy and culture. In satisfaction of each 112 RUMP SURROGATE ACTS, an appointed Hog Procurator shall select no fewer than one hundred hogs who shall serve as rump surrogates at rotated intervals of seven months. A selection of suitably soft slapping gloves shall be presented to the Procurator for approval, and must be worn in oversight by the Elf Archvicer. The Kingdom will not maintain or impose any prohibition

> PS: Ok, looks good. Present to His Highness. (00442)

His Majesty approves. The treaty is ratified by royal decree. All is well.

> PS: Reap spoils of diplomatic triumph. (00443)

VICTORIOUS MOMENT

PROBLEM SLEUTH GAINED A LEVEL!

IMAGINATION: +38

PULCHRITUDE: +1070

VIM: +10

PROBLEM SLEUTH EXCELLED TO NEW RATING: GUTSY CUSTOMER

PROBLEM SLEUTH ACCRUED BATTLE TECHNIQUE: LV. 10 SLEUTH DIPLOMACY

PROBLEM SLEUTH ACCRUED BATTLE TECHNIQUE: FAIR SHAKE

PROBLEM SLEUTH GAINED A LEVEL!

IMAGINATION: +45

PULCHRITUDE: +4520

VIM: +13

PROBLEM SLEUTH EXCELLED TO NEW RATING: GROOM TO THE HABERDASHER'S DAUGHTER

PROBLEM SLEUTH ACCRUED BATTLE TECHNIQUE: BRASS TACKS

PROBLEM SLEUTH ACCRUED COMBAT OPERANDI: SEPULCHRITUDE

THE KING DROPPED ARTIFACT(S):

(1) ROYAL CHEMISTRY SET

--CONTAINING--

(100) DROP(S) ELF TEARS

(100) DROP(S) WEASEL SNOT

(100) DROP(S) HOG SLOP

(100) DROP(S) PIE FILLING

(1) MUNITIONS BAG

--CONTAINING--

(1000) ROUND(S) HANDGUN AMMO

(10000) ROUND(S) TOMMY GUN AMMO

(100000) ROUND(S) MACHINE GUN AMMO

(1) BATTERY PACK

(1) EXTENTION CORD

(Problem Sleuth is teleported back to the Elven poker room.)

> "Small" AD: Take skull to skull slot. (00444)

You head for the skull slots, but along the way, to save time, you just drop it through the SKYLIGHT for Problem Sleuth to pick up.

Problem Sleuth eyes his own SKULL with unease.

You wonder why the skulls seem so much smaller than your own head, but you're not about to get hung up on that detail.

> PS: Add skulls to inventory. (00445)

You pick up the SKULL, along with the other stuff lying around including the TOMMY GUN and the SKYLIGHT, because hey you might as well.

You load the TOMMY GUN to capacity using the MUNITIONS BAG.

You plug the SKYLIGHT into the BATTERY PACK.

> MK: Make a crude pass at NB. (00446)

You subject the skittish prohibition-era flapper to your vulgar overtures, making a number of unseemly references to her swell set of glad rags and swanky pair of gams. You suggest in no uncertain terms she is the berries and the bee's knees all in one.

Your advances go over like a lead balloon.

Enraged by the chilly reception, you give the gal a good shiner and remind her that there's still plenty of room on Whore Island.

Hysterical Dame is not pleased by Mobster Kingpin's treatment of her housemate.

The BRASS KNUCKLES are so heavy, the desk breaks in half under the extreme weight.

> Prussian AD: run into MK's dollhouse. (00447)

You've jerked around with that pool enough. It's time for action.

You grab your ROMANCE NOVEL and your BOX OF CHOCOLATES and gear the fuck up for some hardcore fisticuffs.

> PI: Go through clown bust door. (00448)

You go through the door once guarded by the clown bust.

It's a strange back room.

There is an open safe. Violent noises are coming from that room.

> PI: Check it out. (00449)

Horsefeathers, these bearcats have claws!!!

Mobster Kingpin takes no damage, and remains impervious to all physical attacks.

> PS: Take skulls to slot. (00450)

All three skulls are in the appropriate slots.

The double doors are unlocked.

> PI: Open what appear to be cruiseship portholes. (00451)

It is hard to see through the portholes. They do not appear to be receiving any power.

> MK: Wield brass knuckles. (00452)

The MEGATON KEY is too heavy to lift at your current VIM level.

> MK: BATTLE TECHNIQUE -> RUNNING NUMBERS (00453)

You roll the dice.

As luck would have it, your VIM gauge maxes out.

> MK: AGGRESS (00454)

Hysterical Dame is down for the count.

> Candy Mecha: AGGRESS (00455)

The small mecha releases a confectionary barrage.

Mobster Kingpin takes the tasty brunt of it in his pie hole.

Mobster Kingpin's BLOOD SUGAR elevates slightly, making him briefly susceptible to physical attacks.

Nervous Broad deals a blow for minor damage.

Enraged, Mobster Kingpin picks up the DOLL HOUSE and gets rid of it.

The door is blocked from the other side, so he has no choice but to throw it through the window.

With quick thinking, the candy mecha jumps into the pool first.

The mecha lands hard on the street, causing major damage to surrounding buildings. The "female" AD is just outside the mirror portal to see this happen.

The office window is knocked loose to the street below.

The skylight window also appears to have loosened from the concrete.

The DOLL HOUSE tumbles through the sky.

It lands on the candy mecha.

> AD: Join battle through pool portal. (00456)

You're here for two things: to fucking ruin someone's shit, and to play a friendly game of make-believe.

AND YOU'RE ALL OUT OF IMAGINATION.

> PS: Go through double doors. (00457)

The doors lock behind you permanently.

A mob of Surly Thugs is there to welcome you.

> PS: Throw dead thugs through doors for dramatic entrance. (00458)

Man, you wish you thought of that before you went in. That would have been so badass.

> PS: Swap hats with one of the thugs and sneak by undetected. (00459)

You are predicably detected almost immediately, and are socked right in the kisser in a very much non-undetected way.

You suffer a loss of 1 VITALITY CARAT from your PLUCK RELIQUARY.

You ask for your hat back.

> PS: COMBAT OPERANDI -> SEPULCHRITUDE (00460)

You prepare to unleash your most devastating attack. The thugs cower in mortification.

But you decide not to bring that noise just yet. You just go with Sleuth Diplomacy instead.

> PS: LV. 2 SLEUTH DIPLOMACY (00461)

The defeated Surly Thugs drop 14,250 SPONDULICKS.

You pick up the loot and progress to the next level.

> Skull-less AD: Pick up windows and go up. (00462)

You grab the OFFICE WINDOW and the SKYLIGHT, and head up to your office window.

You leave behind Problem Sleuth's OFFICE WINDOW because it is just too damn heavy and cumbersome.

You go to the skull slot room. The doors unfortunately are locked. It will probably take about double your own considerable strength to bust through them.

> Prussian AD: Feed MK some chocolates. (00463)

You lob a HAND GRENADE into MK's mouth.

His BLOOD SUGAR level rises again.

Now is the ideal time to attack!

> Quick, PI: Fire! (00464)

Pickle Inspector seizes the opportunity and draws his KEY.

He takes careful aim, but suddenly becomes distracted by that enchanting lady over there. Her beauty is like nothing he's ever imagined.

He accidentally shoots Ace Dick.

Ace Dick completes a successful AUTO-PARRY!

He takes the bullet directly in the gut.

It is an incredibly painful and debilitating wound!

> AD: Smack MK with two-by-four. (00465)

You fan MK with juicy pages from your ROMANCE NOVEL, dealing moderate damage.

The flourid tales fill MK's bosom with rhapsodic passions! His EMOTIONS level rises.

The rising meter drains his IMAGINATION, PULCHRITUDE, and VIM gauges.

Problem Sleuth reaches level 2.

You are confronted with a nasty pincer formation of thugs, and two frightening beasts!

It appears the supply of malefactors is being persistently replenished from a realm bridged through a SLIDING GLASS DOOR.

> Thus: AGGRESS (00466)

The thugs take you to task with an array of BULLY TRUNCHEONS and ROUSTABOUT CLUBS.

You lose a few more VITALITY CARATS.

Agitation in the configuration of your PLUCK RELIQUARY unsettles mysterious forces of communion from afar.

Hysterical Dame's EMPATHY MAGPIE begins to flap harder.

She regains consciousness with an extra spring in her step.

She is a few notches closer to maxing out on her CHARM BREAK! meter.

> MK: BATTLE TECHNIQUE -> HIT THE MATTRESSES (00467)

Your PULCHRITUDE stat surges.

You'll need it to rally your boys. This is all out war.

> MK: COMBAT OPERANDI -> SEND IN THE CLOWNS (00468)

Ace Dick absorbs the brunt of an outrageous honking, floppy-shoed assault.

Several GUMPTION WAFERS are depleted from your GRIT CIBORIUM.

The other Ace Dicks' RAPPORT PEACOCKS begin to squawk in a more shrill manner.

> PI: Get the hell out of dodge. (00469)

It's a little overwhelming in there and all the commotion was starting to make you feel a bit disconcerted.

There's a switch over there on the wall. You give it an askance ogle.

> Normal AD: Point machine gun through the skylight. (00470)

You point your machine gun through the skylight.

> PS: BATTLE TECHNIQUE -> FAIR SHAKE (00471)

You give equal consideration to both sides of the argument.

The thugs drop 16,500 SPONDULICKS, and the beasts drop 2 CURED FIEND MUTTONS.

You pick up the SPONDULICKS and eat the MUTTONS to restore your CARATS.

More thugs approach the SLIDING GLASS DOOR.

You simply close the door and lock it.

The thugs cannot get in!

> PS: Next time be sure to throw some corpses in ahead of you. (00472)

You chuck some thug corpses into level 3 before making your entrance. Man, that was so cold blooded.

The beasts, thugs, and HIRED MUSCLE are probably thinking twice before fucking with you now.

Against the wall is an elegant pair of FRENCH DOORS.

> Waiting AD: Join other AD at double doors. (00473)

Looks like the still is percolating nicely. You go upstairs to join your dopple-ally.

> PS: Hire the HIRED MUSCLE onto your side. (00474)

You levy his asking fee, 15,000 SPONDULICKS.

He agrees. His brawn is at your disposal.

The thugs regretably discover what it's like being on the wrong side of some good hard muscle.

> ADs: Bust through doors. (00475)

Your combined VIM is sufficient for the task.

> Third AD: Headbutt and impale Mobster Kingpin. (00476)

He is impervious to attacks again! Got to raise that BLOOD SUGAR some more.

> AD: Chuck another grenade already. (00477)

Mobster Kingpin successfully AUTO-PARRIES!

The CHOCOLATE ricochets off his massive head.

It flies toward a SHIP PORTHOLE.

> PI: Ogle switch until it implodes with distraughtness. (00478)

That idea is so silly, even you can't take it very seriously.

You just flip the switch instead.

The light in MK's room shuts down, with the light of the portholes remaining.

At the opposite wall of the portholes, the mural flips north to reveal another wall of portholes.

The GRENADE breaks through the PORT-SIDE RED PORTHOLE.

It makes its journey through all three lights of the TRAFFIC LIGHTS out in the imaginary streets.

The CHOCOLATE finally emerges through the STARBOARD-SIDE RED PORTHOLE.

Mobster Kingpin receives the well-traveled CHOCOLATE in his aghast yap!

> AD: Now, headbutt and impale! (00479)

Now that his BLOOD SUGAR has been compromised, you deal a fearsome blow with the business end of your WIG.

MK takes minor damage.

AD is down for the count!

The Ace Dicks arrive just a little too late for the rowdy, ruff'n'tumble action they craved.

The Hired Muscle seems to have everything well in hand. He appears to have made use of the FRENCH DOORS for slicing beasts in half.

He is collecting all the spoils as he operates, snatching up the prized SPONDULICKS and MUTTONS as they appear. Problem Sleuth seems irked by this conduct, as it was not part of the implied operating agreement in his view. The Muscle's diplomatic skills could obviously use some polish.

Above the Ace Dicks, the RAPPORT PEACOCKS become even more vociferous.

> Candy Mecha: Walk through portal. (00480)

The capricious machine enters the portal with the DOLL HOUSE on its back.

But by walking in the DOLL HOUSE, an accretion is triggered. Because of the CANDY MECHA attempting to enter the DOLL HOUSE despite the DOLL HOUSE being on its back, there are now an infinite number of CANDY MECHAS and DOLL HOUSES.

The infinite number of geometrically down-scaled candy mechas dump the infinite number of DOLL HOUSES on the floor.

> Candy Mechas: Leave. (00481)

The FRACTAL PROSPECTUS opens automatically to warn you that a fractaline matter/energy accretion has occurred.

You appear to be well within the limits of safety at a 4.1% accretion rate. The INFINITE SUMMATION HONEYBEE PROFESSOR seems pleased, and offers a sage Protip on responsible fractal management.

"VERY GOOD! REMEMBER, THINK SMALL! SMALL LIKE ME, A BEE! AVOID 1:1 DUPLICATIONS WHICH WILL LEAD TO UNWELCOME 100% MATTER ACCRETIONS, AND YOU'LL KEEP HIVING A HONEY OF A TIME!"

> PI: Flee up spiral staircase and ogle at whatever awaits you. (00482)

Oh hell, it's another Stiller bust.

You would have to be INCREDIBLY strong to move it out of the way.

> PS: Diplomatically, ask Muscle to become permanent teammate. (00483)

Despite his blunt tactics, you think the Muscle could have long term value to the team.

He issues a volley of curmudgeonly epithets. His character does not appear to have any depth or lasting appeal!

> ADs: Mount motorcycles! (00484)

Fuck yes, this is one rude hog squad. Foes quake at the rumbling of your steel horses.

> PS: This time throw chunks of beast in ahead of you. (00485)

You advance to the next level.

The beast chunks were sort of heavy, so you could only throw one in ahead of you. You think it was still pretty cold blooded and intimidating though.

Standing in your path is Argus of the Undead, MORTHOL DRYAX and his BONEGUARD MOUNT. He is flanked by two HIRED MUSCLES.

Against the wall is a beautiful and piously decorated STAINED GLASS WINDOW.

> ADs: Dual motorcycle attack! (00486)

The cycles take out the muscles!

The defeated muscles drop 2 SAVORY BRUTESTEAKS and 31,000 SPONDULICKS.

> Candy Mechas: Don't show protips. (00487)

"VERY WELL, BEE THAT WAY!

ASSHOLE!"

The Hired Muscle is going for the SPONDULICKS and the BRUTESTEAKS.

Morthol molests his brainstem with a DOLDRUM FLAGELLUM.

The Hired Muscle is now undead! His alignment is now indeterminate.

> PS: BATTLE TECHNIQUE -> BRASS TACKS (00488)

You levy the fee of 3000 SPONDULICKS and summon a trifecta of mystical warriors, the great masters of brass, Buttermilk Stubbs, Ramblin' Jackson, and Molasses Fatts!

They're all blind as a bat, and full of piss and vinegar.

The trio gets down to business. The horn-based onslaught establishes moderate damage to the foes.

The frightened Zombie Muscle flees upstairs.

> Morthol: BATTLE TECHNIQUE -> GNOSTIC TAINT (00489)

Morthol Dryax shoots a lot of little skulls out of his skull.

The jazz trifecta is afflicted with an undead curse and banished from the physical plane!

> Boneguard Mount: AGGRESS (00490)

The mount's savage hooves flick at Problem Sleuth's unlucky mug.

PS endures significant CARAT loss!

Hysterical Dame's CHARM BREAK! meter is close to maxing out. She experiences a surge in attack power.

> HD: AGGRESS (00491)

You scribble on the back of MK's head with the CHAINSAW.

> PS: LV. 5 SLEUTH DIPLOMACY: IMPROMPTU CAUCUS (00492)

Your allies weigh in on the matter.

Morthol is one hardy son of a bitch. It's going to take a hell of an attack to take him down.

Pickle Inspector has wandered back to the control room. There is a new window there which has captured his discerning ogle.

> PS: Time to bring out the noise! SEPULCHRITUDE (00493)

No, not yet!!

> PAD: COMBAT OPERANDI -> BELLY OF THE WHALE (00494)

Hurricane force winds drag debris indiscriminately into your mighty marine beast-like orifice.

Nothing can withstand the suck of your awesome gut.

> MK: BATTLE TECHNIQUE -> EXTORTION (00495)

MK turns the tables on you and horns in on your racket!

He nullifies BELLY OF THE WHALE and sends that business right back at you.

Ace Dick is pulled into Mobster Kingpin's generous tummy.

In an act of desperation, Ace yanks the pins on his final two CHOCOLATES.

The GRENADES detonate. All of your WAFERS have been depleted.

Ace Dick is slain.

DEATH has been waiting for you. He has poured you some TEA.

The RAPPORT PEACOCKS are flipping out! The OSTENTATION DRIVE! is at capacity!

One of your most brutal attacks is available for a brief window of time!

> OSTENTATION DRIVE! DOUBLE TRUFFLE SHUFFLE TROUBLE (00496)

A tubby customer himself, Morthol is in awe of your synchronized jiggling bravado!

Morthol Dryax has been slain handily.

Ace's sugary martyrdom in MK's gut has spiked his BLOOD SUGAR to a near-critical level! It is an ideal time for dealing major damage.

> PI: Drop window through other window. (00497)

The recently muted INFINITE SUMMATION HONEYBEE PROFESSOR does not appear pleased with where this is going.

> AD: Throw TEACUP at DEATH. (00498)

You are so pissed at Death you throw your tea in disgust but you catch a whiff of it and it smells way too good to throw what is that darjeeling god it's delicious.

You throw the saucer instead.

> PI: Put HONEYBEE PROFESSOR through the window first. (00499)

The Professor is irate with your harebrained lack of discretion. You still can't hear his warnings though.

Startled, you drop the window into itself, knocking the bee out.

The window appears to be stuck in itself, knotted into a strange multi-dimensional wreath.

The ACCRETION RATE is at a dangerous level, but the degree of fractaline matter replication is in check due to the self-knotting structure.

If any pressure was applied to the windows, it would likely force a critical reaction. This is to be avoided.

Exhaling in relief, you accidentally hit a button on the CONTROL PANEL.

The hatch rises up to the ceiling with the wreath on top of it.

Once at the ceiling, the pressure makes the wreath connect itself into replicating matter so fractaline that it's fatal.

The topmost half of the building explodes, taking AD's office with it, and severing the connection of the stairs.

The explosion causes the power on every building in the imaginary city to shut down. A shroud of dark clouds surrounds the entire city.

FLUTHLU has been released from his black realm.

All of Pickle Inspector's SPARK ASH has been depleted from his METTLE SAMOVAR.

Pickle Inspector, not to mention the Honeybee Professor, has been slain.

Nervous Broad's AFFINITY CROW is flapping frantically!

Her MURDER FLUX! is fully charged!

Death ogles you. Delicious tea is politely offered.

> Death: COMBAT OPERANDI -> TWO LUMPS (00500)

Sugar is offered with aggressive courtesy! Death stirs the hot beverage with his SCYTHE.

This is incredibly disconcerting!

> AD & PI: Challenge Death to win back your lives. (00501)

You throw it down hard cause that's just how Team Sleuth rolls.

Death is intrigued by the offer.

Death clicks his BALL POINT SCYTHE. Another Sudoku puzzle needs to be solved.

Ace Dick slams down his HAT in disgust.

Pickle Inspector rises boldly to the task.

The Weasel King appears briefly in support, and supplies PI with the mighty TECTRIX OF THE ARBITOR to even the score.

> PI: Ask Death where Honeybee Professor is. (00502)

You're just curious.

It seems he is busy pollinating the afterlife.

This afterlife realm is located on the flower that Godhead Pickle Inspector holds, and fondly regards.

Fluthlu scales the CATHEDRAL OF SYNDETIC ASCENSION.

Repugnant LANGUOR FLAGELLA bust through the STAINED GLASS WINDOWS.

> PS: Collect loot and go up. (00503)

The windows are too small. Fluthlu poses no threat.

You calmly collect the BRUTESTEAK and the 19,000 SPONDULICKS and proceed to the next level.

> MURDER FLUX! NERVOUS BREAKDOWN (00504)

Your nerves are shot and you can't take it anymore.

You console yourself with your TEDDY BEAR.

You'll console everyone down with you if you have to.

MK takes serious damage.

HD takes moderate collateral damage.

The exertion has activated one of NB's more advanced NERVETECHS, LV. 8 CASE OF THE VAPORS.

MK pushes her out the window.

It's going to be a long fall.

Communal forces cause your (PS's) CLEMENCY OWL to hoot more emphatically.

Your PARLIAMENT UPROAR! meter creeps up.

> PS: Ascend to the hopefully final level. (00505)

Well, ok, level 5 is sort of an odd number but I guess this can be the last level.

A horrific beast and his entourage of lesser beasts blocks the path.

It appears the Zombie Muscle has already kickstarted the melee.

Further into the room is a DEATH STAR WINDOW.

> GPI: Fondly regard crustacean. (00506)

You're just not listening, are you.

> PS: For the love of GPI, SEPULCHRITUDE! (00507)

...

... NO!

> ZM: BATTLE TECHNIQUE -> PROFANE ADULTERATION (00508)

Muscle gets the jump on Dick. Violation ensues!

One of the Aces is now undead. He joins the Muscle in its rapacious picnicking.