Radio Letters

We're breaking our own rules when the USS *Enterprise*-C pops out of a time rift to show off some classy movie-style uniforms and perhaps the handsomest pilot in Starfleet. They just escaped near destruction, but bad luck for them, they have to go back! The USS *Hood* faces its questionable namesake under the command of Captain Dodge, cat-people get some big britches, and Longo's wearing a *war* skant! Also, what kind of podcasts - err - "radio letters" do Vulcans produce? It's a timeline-breaking pod this week with the Brothers Weems!

## Opening Ramble

The boys got mad wonderings about what podcasts are like in the 24th century. They never call anything by a proper name in Star Trek, so what are they?

Radio letters. That's what.

Suvak and Taurik's *Dissertations on Logic For the Non-Vulcan Population: An Exploration of Logical Methods Around the Federation* is a snoozer. Which is part of its appeal for those with insomnia. Conrad ruminates about an old Catholic basic cable show he'd leave playing in the background where priests read letters that he'd use as white noise.

But it's still not as bad as Data's Positronic Hour. Which only the Daystrom Institute and Bruce Maddox listen to. And the Institute only downloads it for archival purposes.

Klingons probably love cooking radio letters. K'thon is a co-host of a blood wine enthusiast radio letter that's popular in the empire. Of course, they're big on martial arts ones too.

The *Trials of the Sinister Kuvok* Vulcan soap opera may have radio letter spin-offs, like British TV shows. The brothers once again state they need to do some more with that one.

## Ship of the Week

The brothers gush about the episode they reviewed, TNG's 3x15 "Yesterday's Enterprise", which included an alternate timeline where the Federation was at war with the Klingons and a time-displaced USS *Enterprise*-C.

They're big fans of Captain Rachel Garrett, with her tough persona and perfect Enterprise captain material. Too bad about that bridge debris in her forehead.

There's some serious fanboi behavior about helmsman Richard Castillo. They don't make them like they used to. He's got movie era Star Trek sex appeal and a chin that won't quit. Kyle thinks he probably was voted Starfleet's sexiest officer several times in a row. He definitely was an all star on the Academy Parrises Squares team, and even mastered the third step kick-flip. Also likely plays a lot of dom jot. They think he likely played a game against a young Ensign Picard just before he left a starbase for his final mission.

They can't let the segment end without seriously discussing the alternate timeline's Tasha Yar. Tasha's back! If just for one go. She looks great, she's awesome, and she joins the *Enterprise*-C on its doomed mission. In their hearts, she never died after going back in time with them. RIP Tasha.

Billy "Stunt-Chonk" Riker also makes a return, jiggling about on the bridge and dealing with an explosion of... is that gravel? Where did gravel appear on the bridge?

## What Would DeSoto Do

The brothers decide it's best to ponder what would have happened if the USS *Hood* had been thrust into an alternate war timeline by the arrival of its last predecessor, the 23rd century USS *Hood* (NCC-1703) through a time rift.

The old *Hood* has appeared in 2366 after a battle against it the Kzinti in 2266 caused a rift that dragged them in. And it's commanded by Captain Kenneth Dodge, who's a gambler who loves a good fight. He's old-school Starfleet. Also, M'Ress is both canonical (from *The Animated Series*, amazingly enough), a cat lady, and on the Hood. Her *Hood* connection is apocryphal but that's good enough for the brothers.

The Kzinti are also cat people. But different ones. Who were totally stolen from Larry Niven. They're also canonical thanks to *The Animated Series*. And in this new timeline they got too big of an attitude after destroying the old *Hood* 100 years ago. They kicked the Klingons' butts, and now the Kzinti-Klingon Alliance is going to absolutely ruin the Federation.

Dodge wants to fix up his ship and join the fight. Because he loves a good fight and damn the odds. Bobby is less enthusiastic about that, as the old *Hood* is pretty much useless and he'd rather fix the timeline. But how do they know there's a different timeline without space witch Guinan? That's right, Dr. Borik, who has some serious telepathic meditation vibes of a world that wasn't.

Also, Geordi La Forge never left the *Hood* in this timeline, and he's got a *war visor*. With targeting recticles and stuff. He learns from Borik that he's never going to get a girlfriend in the other reality, and he's got a mad crush on M'Ress, so he stows away on the old *Hood* when it finally goes back through the rift to fix the timeline.

The Kzinti attack while it's all going down, and things go badly. In the end, Bobby dons his lucky fishing hat while manning the tactical station long enough for the old *Hood* to go home. A moment later, the timeline resets, and Bobby is still wearing the hat while fishing on the holodeck.

Credits.