Hot Fuzz

This is the third chapter of Sally's Salon: Kiss and Make Up.

## Level 21 - The heat is on

* Francois uses a spray on the top part of the mannequin.
* Francois: There was a movie once about a reversal of fortune. The title escapes me for now.
* Francois: But I think its message was that we never truly appreciate what we have until we lose it.
* Francois: Childhood, energy drinks with alcohol, the mannequin that went with this head... I thought they'd ALL be around forever.
* Francois: But as some Greek once said, no man ever steps in the same river twice.
* Francois: For it's not the same river, and he's not the same man.
* Francois: Anyway, my point is that these are all things NOT to tell the cops if you were the last person seen with a lot of suddenly missing money!
* Back to present day, that police officer, inspector **Hugh J. Rump** informing Francois about the spa.
* Inspector: Sir, I have no idea which river you're referring to.
* Inspector: Now, for the fourth time, did you notice any suspicious characters lurking about?
* Francois: Well, I was there. Which is unusual during working hours.
* Inspector: But YOU didn't take the money?
* Francois: ME?! Don't be ridiculous.
* Francois: I'm so bad with cash, I can barely even be trusted to get it into a safe without something going wrong.
* Francois: I hope this has been helpful.
* Inspector: Not exactly. I'll take a look around, and will be back later to continue my interrogations.
* Inspector: In the mean time - don't leave town.
* Inspector: Or the building.
* Inspector: Or in fact, this room.
* Inspector: I want you where I can see you!
* Francois: But we don't work here! I mean, I don't really work anywhere - unless you count the time I...
* Inspector: Please, for the love of all that is good and holy, stop talking.
* Inspector: I will arrest you if you so much as even look outside this room.
* Francois is worried about that situation, but Sally and Francois rendezvous with a slight hug to convince them.
* The people are in the spa.
* Francois: Well, this day just keeps getting better and better.

### Outro

* In the bar, April makes an announcement.
* April: I've won! I'VE WON! I AM THE GREATEST CORPORATE MIDDLE MANAGEM-
* Phone: RRRING!!
	+ RRRRINNNG!!
* April's in a call with now the manager Michelle.
* April: Pourquoi mon sandwich est-il un dentiste chinois?
* Michelle: Lose the baby-talk, April. You're in your late thirties.
* Michelle: And if we LIKED French, we'd have named Mirage something FRENCH sounding.
* April: But I'm only 27-
* Michelle: Enough! I called to discuss NON-imaginary numbers. Did you get the 50K we talked about?
* April: Umm. No? You mean you're not wiring it?
* Michelle: Entrust ELECTRONICS?! For financial transactions?
* Michelle: Can a MACHINE play chess, or crush a car into a cube? Of course not.
* April: So you're delivering it in person?
* Michelle: In person!? Don't be absurd.
* April: So you're...?
* Michelle: ...sending it via the most reliable method ever devised by committee.
* Michelle: Snail mail.
* April: Then I'll head home at once and wait by my open mailbox!
* Michelle: Home?! What's wrong with you? I sent it to that gauche madhouse of a 'wellness center' I foolishly entrusted you with!
* Michelle: That IS where you're spending most of your time, is it not?
* April: Every waking moment, ma'am.
* Michelle: You're SLEEPING?! Unbelievable.
* Michelle: Get to Happyville, await my check, and keep Sally away from our evaluator! Click.
* Michelle hangs up.
* Phone: ZOOP!
* Michelle: 'Why'd you hand up on me? Jerk!'
* April: The mail!
* April runs away from the cafe for it.

## Level 22 - Some like it hot

* Inspector: And of the cash IN your wallet on the night of the robbery, what denominations were the currency?
* Nathan: Fives.
* Inspector: Hmm. And yet that answer factually applied to all sixty-two questions I just asked you.
* Inspector: This is an extremely unusual case.
* Francois: Not to keep beating a dead horse, but perhaps if I was given a badge and a gun, it may speed things up.
* Nathan and Vincent laugh. Police officer gets closer to Francois.
* Inspector: The only fingerprints we found at the scene were YOURS, along with some mustache hairs and massage oil.
* Francois: Hmm. Odd. I haven't gotten my mustache stuck in the safe since Thursday...
* Inspector: Uh huh. Look - I'll be back later with my follow-up questions. Francois, don't leave town.
* Francois comes out the bathtub naked! Everyone is shocked as it shines!
* Francois walks with the censored body part. He covers the bottom with the bath towel.
* Francois: I get it. New partners don't always bond right away.
* The police officer heads to the right.
* Rachel: How's Sally doing?
* Sally appears from the left.
* Francois: Sally? How about a little Jig?
* Sally does a little jig with her emotions. April appears from right. Everyone go to the entrance as April goes to look at Sally.
* April: Any MAIL come in for me today?
* Sally: No. Why?
* April: No reason. Why were the police here?
* Sally: No reason.
* Francois sneaks on the bench.
* April: Interesting. That's a good look for you, Francois.
* Francois uncovers himself as April leaves the spa.
* Francois: Your FACE is a good look!
* Sally: She already left.
* Francois: Damn.

### Outro

* Nathan and Helen appear.
* Helen: Just... wow.
* Nathan: What?
* Helen: Nothing. Just... nice hair, bro.
* Nathan: Beverly said it'd make me look 'sophisticated.' And she knows more about hair than anyone I know.
* Helen: You work in a beauty center! And it's Kimberly!
* Nathan: Anyway, that's how I know she's the One.
* Helen: Yeah. Nothing says compatibility like someone who wants to change everything about your appearance.
* Nathan: Whoa. That's EXACTLY what she said. You know, you two've got a couple things in common. Hadn't noticed...
* Helen: You look like an idiot. And the hair isn't helping.
* Helen: I just meant your natural hair color is much more handsome.
* Nathan: Really? Thanks... I just wish you'd told me that before I dyed everything to match!
* Helen: Look, maybe we SHOULD call this bet off. Before she makes you get plastic surgery or something.
* Nathan: But I only have three days to go. And three days from now's Valentine's Day.
* Nathan: Finn told me if you want to break up, that's the best day to do it.
* Helen: Suit yourself.
* Nathan: Ah ha HA, I get it. Reverse psych 101! Well played!
* Nathan and Helen leave in opposite directions.

## Level 23 - Gossip girls

* Old lady: Wow, I really thought Bennifer and Brangelina were still a thing.
* Old lady: Actually, I even thought they were the SAME thing!
* Britney: I'm, like, always here for you, Mrs. Headcannon. Three days a week!
* Old lady: When I came in, I thought I'd only be losing WRINKLES. But instead, I lost my INNOCENCE.
* Britney: I know, today's been cray-cray! Can I get a hashtag amen?
* Old lady: I have no idea what you're saying! It makes me feel so YOUNG!
* Britney waves bye to the old lady. Olivia appears from the left.
* Olivia: Hey, girl. Can we swap wordage?
* Britney: It's a free sisterverse.
* Olivia: You throwin' shade on me, bae?
* Britney: Maybs.
* Olivia: Look, Britt. I only came here because I missed you. I almost got married because I wanted to BE like you.
* Britney: Seriously?
* Olivia and Britney hug.
* Olivia: I miss sister time. Fighting WITHOUT pillow blows. You're the only big sis I got.
* Olivia: Besides Tiff, Sarah and Heather, obviously. We chill?
* Britney: Totally! Pics or it didn't happen!
* Olivia: Oops! Gotta bounce. I've got another ish to deal with.
* Britney: All good? Whatever it is, I got your back.
* Olivia: It's no biggie. It's just that I'm preggers, and the father doesn't know.
* Olivia: And he works here!
* Olivia leaves to the left, but suddenly, Britney was surprised!

### Outro

* The police officer visits inside as Sally mops the floor.
* Francois: ...which is why I changed my side order from fries BACK to onion rings. At the time I thought it was a coincidence.
* Francois: Or DID I?
* Inspector: Mr. Francois, I haven't ASKED you a question yet.
* Francois: Yes. ALSO suspicious. I believe I didn't catch your name, Inspector...?
* Inspector: Rump.
* Inspector: My name is Inspector Hugh J. Rump.
* Inspector: What? It's Dutch.
* Inspector: I come form a long line of Rumps. My father was Inspector Harry van der Rump.
* They laugh except the inspector.
* Inspector: I have no idea why you folks are laughing.
* Francois: Officer, please!
* Inspector: I'm just trying to do my job, you know.
* Sally: We appreciate your help. Honest.
* Inspector: All right then.
* Francois: What was your grandfather's name?
* Inspector: Why?
* Francois: Just curious.
* Inspector: Spanky.
* When the inspector gets angry, everyone laugh. The Inspector leaves the spa.

## Level 24 - Speed sauna

* Vincent visits the place, then Britney goes to anger him.
* Vincent: Aaaahhh!!!
* Britney: Earlysauce for work, Mr. V?
* Vincent: Yeah, I guess you could say that.
* Britney: Like to move FAST, don'tcha?
* Vincent: Yeah... Just trying to redeem myself.
* Britney: How come? Did you do something WRONG?
* Vincent: Oh, well... I've had a bit of a late start the last few days, what with the investigation.
* Britney: WHAT investigation? Like, what OTHER lives have you destroyed?
* Vincent: Umm. I probably shouldn't say any more until after the blood tests.
* Britney: Eurgh! I can't believe I have to be FAM with someone OLD A.F.!
* Vincent: Speaking of which, I'm glad I ran into you... Listen, I'm sorry if I hurt your sister-
* Britney: OMG. TMI!
* Vincent: But I'm just glad she and I broke things off before it got PHYSICAL.
* Britney: Umm. What?
* Vincent: I mean, we held hands a few times. Back in my day, that was third base.
* Vincent: Anyway, I'll see you around! Maybe we can all go get ice cream some time.
* Vincent: Actually, if you could NOT tell Rache about the hand-holding, that'd be great.
* Vincent leaves to the left.
* Britney: Hashtag whaaaaaaaaat?

### Outro

* Nathan goes into the cafe to rendezvous with Helen.
* Nathan: Sup, Bev.
* Helen: I'm not Bev, you idi-
* The blue man leaves Helen alone.
* Nathan: Sorry, sorry... I mean Kimberly.
* Green woman: Congratulations, sir! As our millionth customer, you've just won a complimentary baked potato!
* Green woman: What would you like on it?
* Nathan: Chives!
* Nathan: Listen, yo. There's this girl I have really strong feelings for, Helen.
* Helen: Really?
* Nathan: Well, ONE feeling. Specifically: fear.
* Nathan: She bet me that you and I wouldn't last two weeks.
* Helen: I can't believe what I'm hearing.
* Nathan: Obviously, you and I ain't meant to be. But if you threw herself at me in FRONT of her, I'm pretty sure she'd call off the bet.
* Helen: Wow. This must mean a lot to you.
* Nathan: Look, here's the dal. I'll give you a hundred bucks to make out with me while she's watching.
* Helen: No way! I'd never...
* Nathan: Not enough, huh... Well, you drive a tough bargain. Let me see if I can call in a favor.
* Nathan leaves the cafe. Kimberly visits.
* Kimberly: Is Nathan here? ...Helen, is it?
* Helen: Aw, you just missed him, Kim. I'll be sure to pass on your message.
* Kimberly leaves after a question.

## Level 25 - Star sparkle

* Finn is doing a dumbbell bodybuilding while Kimberly visits.
* Finn: Oh, hey, sugar mama. Didn't even see you there.
* Kimberly: Umm. Do I know you?
* Finn: That's what I love best about you, pudding cup. Always sayin' weird jokes that nobody gets.
* Kimberly: Oh, I think you have me confused with-
* Finn: Shh, baby. Let Daddy drive. Have I ever told you Helen is widely considered the sexiest name for a woman OR a man?
* Kimberly: We've never talked before, so-
* Finn: Shyaw haw uh HAW uh HAW HHHHUH!
* Finn: Whoa, that's my REAL laugh, brah! I hardly EVER open up like this till the SECOND date!
* Kimberly: Umm, you must be Finn. Nathan's described you. I thought he was joking...
* Finn: That's classic Nathan.
* Finn: So, what do you say, hotpants? Ready to take a dive in Lake Finn? The fish are bitin'!
* Finn takes a selfie about bodybuilding.
* Kimberly: Well, as you know, I AM seeing someone. But to be honest, he's just not dumb enough for me. I'm into idiots.
* Finn: Sorry, were you taking just now? I'm still a little light headed from my pre-breakfast 4 hour gym sesh.
* Kimberly: Never mind. See you at six. Don't wear anything complicated!
* Finn: Never do!
* Finn: Threes!
* Kimberly leaves the place. Finn goes back to bodybuilding.

### Outro

* Sally finds bright as a businesswoman Eugenia visits.
* Eugenia: Wait, THIS isn't where I parked...
* Sally: Freeze!
* Eugenia: Okay?
* Sally: This floor's still soaked! One wrong step and SPLAT! It's like a citrus-scented minefield in here!
* Eugenia: Oh, sorry.
* Sally: Don't sweat it - I should've put these signs up OUTSIDE before I got started.
* Sally: But it wasn't wet yet, and lying makes my skin break out.
* Eugenia: Well, we shouldn't want that, would we? So, what should I do?
* Sally: Hmm. My solution is usually to just sit tight for a but and inhale the fumes.
* Sally: Want some coffee so ITS fumes can compete?
* Eugenia: Actually, I'm more of a tea person.
* Sally: 'If what you gave me last was tea, I want coffee. If it was coffee, I want tea.'
* Sally: Abraham Lincoln said that to a waiter.
* Sally: Next thing you know, civil war!
* Eugenia: Water's fine too. If it's no trouble. I didn't mean to interrupt you.
* Sally: Aw, I'm actually GLAD you showed up! This is the only room I'm allowed to clean till the investigation's over.
* Eugenia: Yes, I heard about that. Sounds pretty bad for business.
* Eugenia: Speaking of which, I was looking for-
* Sally: Tea! Right! I almost forgot! Don't move, I'll be right back!
* Sally: Oh, by the way! The cops aren't here investigating MURDER! Yet!
* Sally: So if a guy named Francois comes in waving a pistil, don't get scared!
* Sally: But also maybe try not to make any sudden moves!
* Eugenia: Will do, thanks.
* Sally: Also, I forgot to introduce myself!
* Sally heads to the left.

## Level 26 - Friends in high places

* The two people head to the left as Francois uses hair dryer on himself. Finn enters and Britney and an old lady leave. Finn continues the bodybuilding.
* April and Angela appear from the right.
* April: ...and if you need me to pick up any MORE of your laundry, or wash any of your OTHER cars, I'm your gal!
* Angela listens and laughs.
* Angela: Meh. I just hope you're not expecting some sort of compensation or acknowledgement.
* Angela: I do so detest when the lowers NEED something.
* April: Tell me about it! Would you like to kiss your shoes again? I'd be thrilled!
* Angela: Ecch, please. The last thing my veal-skin pumps need is to smell like whiskey sour!
* April: Of course, ma'am.
* Angela: No - if further needs arise, I'll have you rent a limo to come pick up my instructions. Good day, person!
* Angela heads to the left and leaves.
* April: Oh, sorry! Let me get the door for you.
* Angela leaves the place.
* April: Thank you!
* Phone: RRRRINNNG!!
* April: Hello?
* Michelle: April, it's Michelle. Did you deposit that check yet?
* April: Umm... It hasn't actually arrived yet...
* Michelle: April, YOUR paygrade doesn't entitle you to make EXCUSES.
* April: You mean you're giving me a raise?
* Michelle: Shup up and listen. The undercover CEO's name is Eugenia. I'm sending you a picture of her now.
* A picture of Eugenia is **a woman with lavender hair, and vanilla cream suit**.
* April: The yawning lady?! It was HER.
* Michelle: You don't want to know what I had to do to get this intel.
* Michelle: That riding crop has been in my family for generations. She'll be missed.
* April: I won't forget this, ma'am.
* Michelle: I should hope not. Anyway, I've given you all the tools you need to regain control of the situation.
* Michelle: Don't fail me again. Click.
* April got her idea.

### During level

* Sally keeps her special guest Eugenia entertained.

### Outro

* Sally gives Eugenia some tea.
* Sally: Sorry for the delay! I misunderstood what 'steeping' meant, so it kept spilling.
* Eugenia: Oh, that's quite all right. I enjoy being alone with my thoughts.
* Sally: Yeah, me too! That's how I came up with the formula for my MOODPOO!
* Eugenia: Excuse me?
* Sally: It's SHAMPOO that changes your hair color to go with whatever mood you're in.
* Eugenia: Fascinating!
* Sally: If you're feeling festive, BAM! You're a REDHEAD!
* Sally: Feeling Goth? BAM! BRUNETTE! Not sure HOW you feel? BAM! BLONDE!
* Eugenia: Remarkable! How does it WORK?
* Sally: Beats me, I'm not a chemist!
* Sally: I invented it the other night. But I need to spend a few months thinking about what color to make the bottle.
* Eugenia: You're amazing. Truly amazing.
* Sally: Well, thanks! Swing by tomorrow and I'll give you a few samples if you want! See ya!
* Sally leaves the spa. April appears again.
* Eugenia: Oh. You again... The rude girl.
* April: Sally.
* Eugenia: YOU'RE Sally? You're not how I pictured-
* April: I know - I dress much, much better.
* Eugenia: Then WHO was that amazing woman I was just talking to?
* Oh, you mean April? I know, isn't she GREAT?

## Level 27 - Lucid perennials

* Sally meets Mr. Plant.
* Sally: Hello, Mr. Plant! Whatcha knowin'?
* Plant: Hello, Sally.
* Sally: Uhhhhhh...
* Sally: Haha, yeah right, Francois. Nice try. Now come out from there.
* Mr. Plant is moving!
* Plant: I assure you, I'm quite real.
* Sally: Holy hair curlers! Maybe I actually DID overdo the coffee?
* Plant: It says here on my label I'm a prototype companion plant from the 'GM' division of Mirage.
* Plant: I'm not exactly sure what that means, but from what I've seen I think I'll fit in here rather well!
* Sally: I knew the coffee couldn't be wrong! Anyway, it's nice to meet you!
* Sally: Isn't it a lovely day out?
* Plant: I suppose. Strange, though... Being a self-aware talking plant in the middle of a wellness center.
* A moving plant goes back to the stool.
* Sally: Aw, a plant being here isn't so weird. Hair's just like leaves.
* Sally: It gets long, looks better wet, then changes color and falls out all by itself.
* Plant: I guess. Hey, when that Britney girl says someone's 'throwing shade'-
* Sally: Yeah, that means something else.
* Plant: But why would shade be something BAD? It's not her only colloquialism I find puzzling...
* Inspector appears to inform Sally.
* Inspector: Sally, I'm afraid some more incriminating evidence has come to light.
* Inspector: I'd stake my legendary family name that Francois is our thief.
* Sally: Yeah right, and I drink decaf!
* Inspector: I'm afraid grand larceny is no laughing matter. We're talking thirty years of prison time.
* Sally: Come on, officer! Francois wouldn't even steal a fly! He's the best friend I've ever had!
* Inspector: Never judge a book by its cover, Sally. There is no monster that rapaciously devours the human soul like greed.
* Inspector: Unless new evidence suggestive of a different scenario materializes, I'll be charging Francois within the next day or so.
* Inspector leaves Sally and the plant.
* Plant: Sally, I'm very sorry to hear about your situation.
* Plant: I was not aware that someone had replaced the coffee with decaf again.

### Outro

* Sally and the plant appear.
* Sally: And Wahlberg plays a science teacher in it! It's from the director of that movie 'The Sixth... something'
* Plant: You really don't have to do this.
* Sally: Don't be silly, you NEED a better view.
* Sally: Besides, access to natural light is a basic human right. I read it on a T-shirt.
* Plant: Well... I DO have some friends who are mushrooms. Bit hard to talk to, but really good at fixing computers.
* Francois appears! Sally hides from him.
* Plant: Isn't that your flamboyant friend Francois?
* Sally: Yes!
* Plant: Do you normally hide from him like this?
* Sally: No! Shh!
* Plant: He's a strange one. Once, he crumbled one of my leaves, wrapped the bits in paper, set fire to it, lifted it to his mouth-
* Sally: SHH!
* Nathan comes out of the room to talk to Francois.
* Plant: Oh, look. It's Nathan. The rich man's Finn.
* Francois gives Nathan the money.
* Nathan: Twos... Threes... Fours... Aaaaaaaaaand I guess I'll count the rest in silence.
* Nathan: You SURE you can lend me this much?
* Francois: Hey, what are friends for?
* Nathan: Yo, for real. Where'd you GET all this scratch anyhow?
* Francois: Let's just say I had a sudden windfall.
* Nathan: That COMPLETELY satisfies my curiosity.
* Nathan goes back into the room. Francois heads right.
* Sally uncovers a mystery.
* Sally: Francois... A thief!?
* Plant: Wahlberg... A science teacher!?

## Level 28 - Temptation

* In the room, Britney and Nathan are talking.
* Nathan: Say WHAT? You have a SISTER!? And you think I did WHAT to her?
* Britney: Like, disregard-sauce. It obvi wasn't you.
* Britney: Olivia wouldn't be into you anyways. You, like, TALK too weird. TTYL.
* Nathan gets out of the seat.
* Nathan: It's been real.
* Nathan heads out of the room, and Sally enters the room.
* Britney: Sup, bae.
* Sally: Britney, have you noticed anything WEIRD going on around here lately?
* Britney: Let's see. An ongoing criminal investigation, dogs eating jewelry, you talking to plants...
* Britney: ...and a prestigious competition that's tearing apart a lifelong friendship that no one could explain in the first place...
* Britney: Nope! Same old, same old!
* Sally: How are things between you and Olivia? Everything back to normal?
* Britney: Actually, about that-
* Eugenia visits.
* Eugenia: There you are!
* Sally: Oh, hey! I've been looking all over for you.
* Sally goes to get the pack of bottles while Britney looks for something.
* Sally: Here are those Moodpoo samples you asked for.
* Eugenia gets closer to the box.
* Eugenia: You remembered! I am impressed. Here, let me help-
* Sally: Actually, they're pretty heavy. I'll carry 'em out to your car.
* Eugenia: That's very kind of you. Thank you.
* Sally: Also, they're pretty flammable, so if you go by plane, maybe ask the pilot to drive extra slow.
* Eugenia: I'll be careful.
* Sally: Oh, by the way, I somehow keep forgetting to introduce myself. My name is -
* Eugenia: Oh, I'm well aware of who you are.
* Eugenia: Your colleagues have told me everything. It's a pleasure to finally meet you.
* Sally: Aww. I'm always happy enough meeting anybody! No offense!
* Eugenia: None taken. And for what it's worth, your life is about to get a lot easier, I promise you.
* Sally: Aww. My life's fine as is, but thanks! Which way was it to your car again?
* Sally gets the box and transports as Eugenia and Sally leave for directions to the car. Britney sees Sally and Eugenia left.

### Outro

* Helen: This is ridiculous.
* Helen: I've taken things too far.
* Helen: Time to cancel this stupid bet once and for all.
* Nathan enters the salon.
* Nathan: Yo, Bev! What are YOU doin' back here?
* Helen: Nathan, there's something I should tell you. I'm not-
* Nathan: Cheap?
* Nathan: No worries girl! When LESSER men grab dice, THEY may roll snake-eyes, but-
* Helen: YOU roll fives. Yes, we get it.
* Helen: FYI, dice have SIXES on them too.
* Nathan: I guess the things I say aren't so special to you anymore.
* Nathan hands the money.
* Nathan: Here!
* Helen: Nathan, I don't want-
* Nathan: To see me after today? I feel you. Take it, and we can practice!
* Helen takes the money.
* Helen: Practice?
* Nathan: The KISS! Helen needs to see us kissing so she'll call off the BET!
* Helen: Oh, Nathan, this is so dumb...
* Kimberly and Finn enter the salon.
* It transitions into 3D cutscene.
* Helen: Take your stupid money. Oh yeah, and one more thing!
* **Nathan and Helen make their first kiss! The romantic scene starts!**
* Kimberly: Wow.
* Finn: I know! Look how skinny Nathan's ARMS are, bruh! Think we know who skipped method curls this morning...
* Back to 2D scene.
* Nathan: Marry me.
* Helen: Anything.
* Nathan: Kimberly.
* Everyone facepalm except Nathan.

## Level 29 - Countdown

* Plant: The light IS better here. Sally was right.
* April enters the salon and sprays.
* Plant: Ah, it's the girl who likes to spray perfume in everyone's faces.
* Eugenia visits the salon. April and Eugenia rendezvous.
* April: Leaving so SOON, Eugenia?
* Eugenia: I'm afraid so, Sally.
* April: Well, I hope you enjoyed your visit to our fair bain d'oiseaux!
* April: But do try to call first next time. I'm a busy woman.
* Eugenia: I'll be honest, Sally. I'd heard quite good things about you from your clientele.
* April: Like I care!
* Eugenia: But upon meeting you, I've found you to be rude, self-serving, arrogant, mean-
* April: Pfft. And why should I care about the opinion of a woman who goes out in public dressed like a circus clown!
* April: Cat got your tongue there, you old toad?
* Eugenia: I'll be putting in my report that April should be given full authority here!
* April sprays the perfume again.
* April: Blah blah...
* Eugenia: And that YOU, Sally, should never be allowed to work anywhere near hair again!
* Eugenia leaves April alone. April leaves the salon.
* Plant: My God.
* Plant: I have to warn Sally about the circus clowns! They could be anyone!

### Outro

* Sally enters quietly and takes deep breaths.
* Sally: April?
* Sally gets closer to April.
* April: Spying on me as usual?
* Sally: April, I know things have gotten really bad between us lately.
* April: And whose fault is THAT?
* Sally: I may have gotten closer to Francois over the years. But you and I have known each other longer.
* April: I've just grown PAST you, that's all. Deal with it. That's why my mom always said.
* April: I never saw that woman smile ONCE. What an example.
* Sally: But we USED to be friends, didn't we? And we haven't gone past the point of no return!
* Finn enters with a box.
* Finn: Oddly shaped box and a not-at-all check sized delivery from the Mirage Executive offices! For a Miss... Crapril?
* April goes to Finn as he drops the box.
* April: It's APRIL, you dotard.
* Finn: Sorry it arrived so late. I was distracted by a mirror between here and reception. Again.
* Finn leaves the salon. April goes back to touch Sally.
* April: You glad we talked, Sal? I am!
* April: By the way, you might want to start packing your things. I'll be taking over.
* April leaves the Salon, as Sally is shocked with the news. Sally is depressed.
* Sally: You're being unusually quiet, plant. I'm still not convinced you're not entirely in my head.
* Plant: Come on Sally, you can see she's barely holding it together. If I start talking to her, who knows what she'll do!
* Plant: But I suppose you've likely had your fill of mad news today. I'll keep the latest clown bombshell I heard to myself.
* Sally: Thanks, plant. You're the best!

## Level 30 - True friendship

* The Inspector and Francois are talking in the spa.
* Francois: ...and that was the SECOND time I learned that radiocarbon dating has nothing to do with romance!
* Inspector: Francois, your prints were all over a crowbar found by the safe.
* Inspector: And two witnesses describe you throwing vast sums of money around lately.
* Sally enters the spa.
* Francois: All very interesting. But what do you have in the way of CLUES?
* Sally and Francois walk in opposite directions as air kisses. Francois goes into the pool. Inspector goes closer.
* Inspector: Francois, where were you on the night of the robbery?
* Francois: I'd rather not say. For legal reasons.
* Inspector: Where did all this money come from?
* Sally interacts with a shelf.
* Francois: It would behoove me not to say.
* Inspector: Would you SAY you got along well with the Mirage execs on site, such as April and Helen?
* Francois: Ha! If by 'get along with,' you mean 'DIDN'T get along with.' Feel free to use that.
* Sally laughs alone.
* Inspector: Francois, did you know you have a credit rating of negative sixteen thousand and four?
* Inspector: It's in the Guinness Book of World Records.
* Francois hides in the pool. The scene stops as Francois changes the clothes, then resumes with normal outfit.
* Francois: Really? It's gone UP?
* Inspector: Finally, do you know the ONLY thing we found left in the safe?
* Francois: The money? That would be funny.
* Inspector: A pair of red silk underwear. Monogrammed. One word. 'Francois.'
* Francois: Those could be anyone's.
* Francois: Besides, anyone who knows me knows I fly strictly commando during the summer months.
* Inspector: It's February.
* The inspector and Francois walk near the stairs.
* Inspector: Sally, I have to ask. Are you CERTAIN of this man's innocence?
* Francois: Let him down gently, Sally. He has a gun.
* Sally: I...
* Inspector: He can't hurt you now.
* Sally: I... I don't know what to think anymore.
* Francois: Sally...
* Sally: Except that Francois is the best friend I've ever had.
* Sally: And he's NOT a thief.

### Post-chapter

* In Sally's Salon, Sally talks to a plant.
* Sally: And then THAT'S what happened NEXT!
* Plant: I see what you mean. But the original ending where the plant EATS Rich Moranis sounds better.
* Plant: I always prefer happy endings.
* Sally: That's what Francois said when I asked him why he didn't want a massage chair for his birthday!
* Plant: Which reminds me. This Francois robbery stuff ALSO sounds more than a little bit thorny.
* Plant: Frankly, most of it was too convoluted for me to follow.
* Sally: Then I guess I told it right...
* Plant: Odd how some parts of your life are zany and funny, and others are dark and depressing.
* Plant: Like this April situation. I told you what she's doing behind your back, and you still care about her!
* Sally: You're right. I know EXACTLY what she's doing.
* Sally: I just... can't give up on her yet. This can't be what she really wants. I KNOW her.
* Sally: She's always been driven to win. It came from her mom, you know? But she always stopped short of the line.
* Francois enters the salon.
* Francois: Are you sure we're not just going in circles? It feels kind of padded, to be honest.
* Sally: Like I always say, 'Life is like shoulders.'
* Francois goes to ask Sally.
* Francois: Sally! There's something I need to tell you.
* April enters with a bad news.
* April: Stupid bank holiday!
* The Inspector Hugh came in!
* Inspector: Francois, I'm hereby arresting you for the theft of some money that would have helped Sally beat April.
* Drama happened!
* Sally: NooooooooOOOOOOooooooo!!!!
* April: HA!!! This is the greatest day of my life!
* Olivia is here.
* Olivia: Hey! It's my baby daddy, Francois!
* Sally, Plant, Inspector, April, and Francois: WHAT?!
* The scene is dark.
* Inspector: Hey, wait. Did that plant just talk?
* End of Chapter 3.