Murder Elective

**Murder Elective**, also known as **The Murder Elective Archives**, is the main series associated with the Dimension Travelers saga. It was originally published on February 27, 2023, on a Google Site by the Milch Cult, then moved to a book on Quotev. Currently, it stands at over 100 chapters with very complex lore and characters. Murder Elective features random, morbid, and offensive humor.

## List of chapters in order

1. This guy stole my sandals
2. "I'm My Own Grandpa" traumatizes children of Alabama
3. Spooder-Man strikes again, killing 30 orphans and 20 drunk drivers
4. Miyamoto traumatizes 30 school children when he gives them a thumbs down
5. Renowned "Shrek" trio commits mass genocide and traumatized 35 school children

## This guy stole my sandals

His name is Gerard and he is a jerk. I was wearing my favorite pink Hello Kitty sandals with fuzzy socks and he grabbed them off my feet and ate them. He said they were ugly. I went home to my mommy and cried. Gerard needs to be cancelled on Twitter because he is a problematic meanie poo-poo.

Anyway, I have a Starbucks gift card so I'm gonna buy a whole bunch of cake pops because I have no social life. All my friends left me because they said I'm a weirdo. But I think being a Discord mod is not weird! My job is essential to the survival of humanity. If only they weren't so arrogant... Luckily I can defeat society with my super cool Dragon Ball Z moves! KOMEHAMEHA!

## "I'm My Own Grandpa" traumatizes children of Alabama

An old song known as "I'm My Own Grandpa" has spread like wildfire across the globe. But the children of Alabama have found the lyrics to be offensive to their heritage. Why? Because they're all inbred protestant hooligans with no teeth.

## Spooder-Man strikes again, killing 30 orphans and 20 drunk drivers

A man bitten by a drunk house spider thinks he has super powers. He uses melted white chocolate as webs. Tries to put out small fire on grill with gasoline, ends up burning down orphanage. The golden gate bridge was full of drunk drivers, Spooder-Man throws semi truck to block their way ends up crushing all the drivers.

## Miyamoto traumatizes 30 school children when he gives them a thumbs down

Creator of Mario gives school children a thumbs down when he sees them burning Mario Nintendo games, this caused plastic air pollution. Miyamoto calls police and gets them arrested and traumatized.

## Renowned "Shrek" trio commits mass genocide and traumatized 35 school children

Shrek trio went to Shrek-Con in Ohio. When Shrek realized he was in Ohio he got mad and people made fun of him. This made Shrek and the trio really mad and they killed 35 school children's parents.

## Michael Jackson comes back to life, moonwalks to the White House, becomes president

King of Pop, Michael Jackson, has reportedly risen from his grave, causing a real thriller. According to one man who wishes not for his identity to be revealed, "he started moonwalking in the direction of D.C." Alas, 2 hours later the Secret Service reported a disturbance at the White House by a man causing a "ruckus of hee-hee's." Rumors have started spreading online that the King of Pop is trying to become president and take over the government. One audio file reveals:

"Biden and Trump are no more! Hee-hee!"

Follow Murder Elective for more updates.

## Evil chihuahua kidnapped by Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

On old woman by the name of Bertha reported that her beloved chihuahua, Sparkles, went missing last Wednesday. She is sad, but the neighborhood children are relieved that the terrorizer is gone. But the police have decided to investigate why Sparkles is gone.

Evidence points to the famous Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. "We just wanted to get rid of the neighborhood menace," says Mikey. So are Michelangelo, Donatello, Leonardo, and Raphael guilty? Watch their court hearing to stay updated.

## Time travelers go back in time to kill the creator of homework

Four junior high students known as the "Milch Cult" traveled to the date of the birth of homework. The students could not tell us what year it was. The blonde emo one told us: "We have a theory that it was never actually created because when we were researching the date, Google gave us two results 1095 and 1905 and we realized that both dates contain the same numbers. So instead we traveled into the Metaverse and found out it was made in the year @31%9:9(00000 and that the year we went to."

They will now be facing 0.226 seconds in prison with the "Shrek" trio and the One Direction clones.

When asked if they regret it, one of them simply said, "Bread," and another responded, "NO, BAGEL!!!!!"

## One Direction clones arrested for identity theft

Breaking Overnight: Five men have been arrested for falsely claiming to be the famous boy band known as "One Direction."

"I'm not even British," one of the men says. "And my name is Nile, spelled like the river."

The clones have faced backlash on Twitter from Directioners, saying things such as, "Ugh, at least the REAL Harry Styles doesn't have a receding hairline. This Harold guy looks more like Andrew Tate than a 1D member."

The five men will be receiving a life sentence for being too ugly.

## Woman consumes 57 highlighters, gains supernatural abilities

A woman by the name of Delilah Sanders has been reported to be able to levitate and talk to spirits. A day prior to gaining her uncanny superpowers, she claims to have eaten the ink from 57 highlighters in some sort of anti-vaxx mom juice.

"I feel great!" says Sanders. "The voices in my head are glad that they finally get to be free."

Despite Sanders' optimism, medical professionals warn her of the many dangers the ink may cause. According to Dr. Kermit the Frog, "The toxins from the bright ink are even more potent than the air at Chernobyl. Anyone who consumes it will surely get terminal cancer."

Make sure to watch out for New York's ball drop for when this crazy woman finally dies from her stupidity!

## Barrack Obama turns into a pineapple

Former President Obama has turned into a pineapple. Michelle Obama discovered him in his fruity state this morning, distressed.

"I just found him lying on the floor," she says, "and he had all these spiky green leaves. I cried for what my husband has become."

This just in: My co-worker is eating pineapples. You know what this means.

## Sandal thief strikes back

Gerard the Giraffe is on the run from the cops after stealing my sandals AGAIN! This hardened criminal deserves a life sentence for making me sad. THE SANDAL THIEF SHALL NOT PREVAIL!!!!

See y'all again on 100% unbiased news.

## "Skrek" trio escapes prison after 0.0001 years

Yesterday, the characters Shrek, Fiona, and Donkey from the popular DreamWorks movie were arrested for committing mass genocide. They were sentenced to 8 trillion years and the death penalty in Alcatraz Prison. However, they were discovered missing from their cell this morning.

"I'm so proud of them," says Donald McBruh, teacher of Murder Elective and the REAL bassist of Green Day. "I've taught them well."

"What the heck is wrong with you," says Mike Dirnt on Twitter, who claims to be the Green Day bassist but nobody actually loves him. MURDER ELECTIVE SUPREME!!!!

## Weird Al caught selling songs on the Black Market

Famous singer Weird Al is caught selling songs to kids on the Black Market, his trial will be on 02/02/69420. Make sure to attend.

## Ghost of evil chihuahua haunts 100 children, traumatizes them

Over the past week, the host of Sparkles the chihuahua has been reported by 100 children to have been haunting them in their dreams. They are traumatized because he is so ugly and stinky. But does this mean that the Ninja Turtles murdered him? Their trial will be in 88984938493284949 years.

## Infamous TikTok devil is arrested for animal abuse, kids could never be happier

TikToker That Vegan Teacher got arrested for abusing a random dog she saw eating a turkey leg. She yelled at it saying it was killing it (even though it was already dead). Then she took the meat and 37 school children called the cops, for that dog was dying of starvation. She was put in jail.

## I like macaroni & cheese

Macaroni & cheese is the best food ever. I could never be happy in live without its cheesy goodness. In my darkest times, mac'n'cheese was always there right beside me to satisfy my neverending hunger because I have that Nikocado Avocado body type. I will now write a love sonnet to macaroni:

Lo and behold, the delicious goodness

Shall I consume the golden noodles?

O macaroni, how I love you so

Shall I eat you, my heart will be content

## Famous mystery detectives get ran over by the Mystery Machine

Scooby-Doo and Shaggy get ran over by the Mystery Machine because Fred forgot to turn on the brakes. Will Shaggy and Scoob survive? No one knows!

### Scooby-Doo makes it to the hospital alive

Scooby-Doo got hit by the mystery machine and survives barely making it to the hospital.

### Shaggy makes it to the hospital alive

Shaggy got hit by the mystery machine and is actually perfectly fine, but they found out he has a throat infection.

## Group of cats found in haunted cave

These cats were found in a haunted cave by a group of friends exploring it. They were found to look like they were summoning something. Turns out the cats were indeed summoning their cat god. Only 2 out of the 5 friends survived this encounter with the cat god.

## Breaking: Michael Jackson's fascist America

Michael Jackson has taken over the United States government with his ultra mega hee-hee power. Citizens have been hypnotized by the King of Pop's musical talent, and now he is the King of the Western World.

"Everyone will listen to my music! Other musicians are no more!" says the President of Pop. People are outraged by this that their freedom of speech is being violated. But Donald McBruh says, "Yay! No more Mike Dirnt!"

Stay tuned for more updates.

## Small frogs have been found to be escaping Ohio

Ohio's surrounding states Indiana, Kentucky, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, and Michigan, have been finding the not so small frogs from Ohio in their states no-one knows how they have escaped Ohio because nothing can but the frogs have found a way to escape from Ohio we wonder what will happen next.

## Frogs have started to take over the world

Frogs in Ohio have started to rise up against the "humans" there. There frogs were found to be snorting cocaine to get bigger, it also does not help that the people in Ohio feed the frogs like they are ducks and geese. The frogs are now being called the Frog Kings because they have now taken Ohio's surrounding states, Indiana, Kentucky, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, and Michigan.

## President Michael Jackson assassinated by vengeful ghost of Eddie Van Halen

President Michael Jackson was found dead this morning in his hee-hee estate with a bullet wound in his head. The FBI is investigating the circumstances of his death and believe the ghost of Eddie Van Halen, famous guitarist, to be the primary suspect.

"He featured me in his hit song Beat It, but never gave me the credit!" says Van Halen to the necromancer, I mean interviewer.

Mr. Van Halen will have a trial on April 1, though it is unknown how he will be imprisoned since he is a ghost and can float through walls.

## How to eat people (by Noah)

To eat people you have to be fat so you can crush them or absorb them. After they are injured you open your mouth by unhinging your jaw and then you eat them like a snake.

## Moist Murderer takes their first victim

The Moist Murderer has found their first victim in the town Desk, Classroomland. The victim was the President of Classroomland, Mrs. Dinosaur. Local authorities have not found the Moist Murderer or the reason why they killed Mrs. Dinosaur.

## Tim crowned king of the universe

Tim Glorpnaud of Ruberra has ascended to the throne after the mysterious death of his father. Tim is a small creature with a humanoid face, cat ears, an ape body, and a spiky club tail. He will now be known as "King Timothy."

## Ryan Reynolds spotted at local McDonald's with Darth Vader

Famous actor Ryan Reynolds was spotted yesterday at a local McDonald's eating a BigMac. Reporter Celebrity Stalkerson says that he was on a date with Darth Vader, who is in fact the father of Luke Skywalker.

"I am heartbroken," says Luke. "How come my dad gets to have McDonald's with such a hot guy, but whenever I try to ask someone out they shoot me with proton torpedoes?"

But according to Reynolds, "Just imagine: Mint Mobile and the Galactic Empire become one! Muahaha!"

## Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory has hacked our website

Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state

Then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started, wait

The earth began to cool, the autotrophs began to drool

Neanderthals developed tools

We built a wall (we built the pyramids)

Math, science, history, unraveling the mysteries

That all started with the big bang (bang)

Since the dawn of man is really not that long

As every galaxy was formed in less time than it takes to sing this song

A fraction of a second and the elements were made

The bipeds stood up straight, the dinosaurs all met their fate

They tried to leap but they were late

And they all died (they froze their asses off)

The oceans and Pangea, see ya wouldn't wanna be ya

Set in motion by the same big bang

It all started with the big bang

It's expanding ever outward but one day

It will pause and start to go the other way

Collapsing ever inward, we won't be here, it won't be heard

Our best and brightest figure that it'll make an even bigger bang

Australopithecus would really have been sick of us

Debating how we're here, they're catching deer (we're catching viruses)

Religion or astronomy (Descartes or Deuteronomy)

It all started with the big bang

Music and mythology, Einstein and astrology

It all started with the big bang

It all started with the big bang

## Nikocado Avocado creates gravitational pull

Infamous mukbanger Nikocado Avocado is so heavy that is atomic mass is 99999999999999999999.999 kilograms. He now has a gravitational pull that is as strong as the sun. Scientists predict that one day he will go supernova.

## The Burger King is crowned as king of the world

The Burger King pulled the ancient burger that was stuck in queen Elizabeth's couch cushion. The burger gave him special powers and so he was crowned as king of the world.

## "Shrek" trio is spotted in horrible disguise at Shrek-Con Florida and commits genocide

Shrek trio escaped prison and was seen attending Shrek-Con in Florida. The police were too fat and started eating donuts so they escaped. They killed 35 school children.

## This just in Gen Z hates emojis

According to Conservative Republicans, infant Gen Z-ers find emojis to be offensive and are requesting that they are no longer put on their onesies. More on this later.

## Friends go back to haunted cat cave

Two days later the 2 friends go back to cat cave to see what has become of it. When they go to where the found the cats the find that the cat god is still there and 3 of the cats have possessed the 3 friend the cat god killed according to the friends "We just narrowly escaped the cave and all the weird cats."

## President of Classroomland faked her death

President of Classroomland, Mrs. Dinosaur, has been found in the Twisted Wood. When asked why and how she faked her death she said, "I just wanted to get away from being President for a little, and as for how I did it, the Moist Murderer is one of my students, so I commissioned her to help me fake my death, and she was surprisingly good at it, and it worked till someone walked through the woods, which no one ever does, that they found me now I have to come back." When asked why she didn't want to be president she would not answer.

## All plants suddenly turn pink

All plants in the world have suddenly turned bright pink. This is due to a curse from Lord Voldemort, which was meant to kill Harry but he accidentally sneezed and messed it up. Scientists say that the plants' new color will not affect the environment in any major way. However, all globes will now be changed from blue and green to blue and pink.

## Pikachu elected president after assassination of Michael Jackson

Since President Michael Jackson was assassinated by the vengeful ghost of Eddie Van Halen, the nation has been scrambling to elect a new leader. After winning the popular vote, Pikachu from Pokemon is now in office. He is quite popular among 8-year-old boys who still wear Pull-Ups.

"Finally, a leader I approve of!" says Eddie Van Halen, who definitely not is secretly eight years old. "The nation is in good hands."

Stay tuned for more updates.

## Frogs from Ohio and cats from cat cave have joined forces

The frogs from Ohio have joined forces with the cats from the haunted cat cave to take over the human god. Along with the frogs and cats joining forces on earth, the frog god and cat god have also joined forces in the lower parts of the god realm which means they are not as well known. They want to overthrow the government and rule the world.

## Nikocado Avocado ate Taco Bell and blew up Florida

Nikocado Avocado ate Taco Bell and and pooped so hard that he became an atomic bomb and blew up Florida. Florida won't recover until the year 5023.