Dead Dallas

**Dead Dallas**is episode 118b of Edward and Eric. It premiered on Kids' WB on January 1, 2005.

## Synopsis

Constantinos mistakenly tells Eric that Dallas has turned into a "ghost".

## Cast

* Gary Sauls as Constantinos, Mr. Pober and Corey
* Josh Peck as Eric
* Dan Green as Dallas
* Andrew Rannells as Edward, The Narrator and Wasps
* Wayne Grayson as Joey
* Edward Felker as Stanley
* Eric Stuart as Terry and Barry
* Mike Pollock as Principal Walker
* Rachael Lillis as Bernadette

Although Mr. Goodman doesn't make any appearances, he is mentioned by Principal Walker during the ending.

## Trivia

* Although this episode premiered in 2005, it was produced in 2004 according to the copyright date at the end of the credits.
* Throughout the episode, the bottom teeth of the characters are highly prominent.
* The ending of the episode is supposed to serve as a foreshadow to the ending of Rip Van Edward's simulation.
* This episode is available to watch on the Ed-or-Treat VHS and DVD, and the Season 5 Volume 2 box set.
* The fact Dallas plays cards with Carver every Saturday is a reference to the anime series, *Yu-Gi-Oh!*, as well as how Dan Green additionally voices its protagonist Yugi Muto, and how Kids' WB aired it.
* Dallas building a five-star hotel, a hospital, a research facility for incurable diseases, a MacDouglas', and a supermarket out of nothing more than a stick and bubblegum is a callback to the Season 3 episode, Mystery Meat, where he built a zombie-proof shelter out of a stick and a bubblegum wrapper.
* This was the last Edward and Eric episode to ever air on most affiliates for The CW.
* An Aesop:
	+ Lying will always worsen matters no matter how elaborate you are at it, as you may either feel guilt for it later on, or it'll simply backfire on you.
	+ When you're in the wrong, you should always admit the truth and acknowledge your mistake(s) even if it may seem intimidating at first.
	+ Not everything has a worst case scenario to it. Things may turn out to be completely fine by the end of the day.

## Transcript

(Near Lakeside Forest, Mr. Pober is with his class)

**Mr. Pober:**Ya'll better remember, I ain't did nothing to assign this, but this writing thingy is being forced on me by the local park. They want ya to walk through nature. Once ya'll return to class, (looks at a sheet of paper) uhh, ya'll gotta write about how the hike has... (squints) influenced your... mental health. (puts the paper down) Now, there are only a few basic rules, so listen up, ya hear? I don't want nothing from ya'll. The first, is to make sure ya'll aren't messin' with nature.

(Joey is seen daring Stanley to poke a wasp nest with a stick. He does so, until the hive breaks apart. The wasps get angry and sting Joey all over his body)

**Mr. Pober:**Secondly, know who your partner is.

**Terry:**(to Barry) Who the heck are you?

**Barry:**Beats me.

**Mr. Pober:**Third, watch your surroundings.

(Aaron rests underneath a tree, but then it collapses and crushes him. Igor and Abdul are seen eating berries - or so, they think)

**Igor:** These berries taste sweet.

**Abdul:** Yeah, these berries taste sweet. They taste exactly like poison ivy.

(They bloat up full of swells)

**Mr. Pober:**And finally...LEAVE ME ALONE! (relaxes on a lawn chair and unfolds a newspaper)

**Constantinos:**(shivering in fright) Nature scares me!

**Carver:** (deadpan) Boo.

(Constantinos screams bloody murder and quickly takes off)

(Later, The Lucky 6 is seen walking down a trail in the forest)

**Stanley:** Hey, I think Mr. Pober said something about collecting wood, right?

**Edward:** Yeah, something about helping out Principal Walker sort out his fireplace.

(Dallas is seen carrying an entire tree with his pinky finger)

**Dallas:** Already ahead of you.

**Edward:** Wow, Dallas!

**Constantinos:** (holding a tiny stick) Here's my pile.

(We see a closeup of the stick)

(Beat as Eric stares at it)

**Eric:** (bursts into laughter) Good one, Constantinos!

**Stanley:** I think Dallas should help Constantinos with the wood collecting.

**Dallas:** Not a problem, Stanley.

(The rest of the gang leaves, and some of the other students pass by)

**Aaron:** See you guys back in class.

**Igor:** (to Abdul; both of them are still full of swells) I think the red ones taste the best.

(The camera transitions to Dallas and Constantinos walking down the forest. Constantinos is carrying a handful of logs)

**Constantinos:** (pretends to groan in pain) This wood is hurting me. (does it again) It is *so* heavy! (and again) I think my fingers are getting a callus!

(Beat as Dallas doesn't respond)

(Constantinos fake-groans in pain once more)

**Dallas:** Lemme give you a hand, Constantinos.

**Constantinos:** (excitedly) You "wood"?

(The camera cuts to live-action stock footage of a man in a comedy club playing a rimshot on a set of drums)

**Constantinos:** (picks up one log) Can you carry this piece?

**Dallas:** Anything for a friend.

(Constantinos adds it to Dallas' pile of logs)

**Constantinos:** (grabs another one) How about this piece?

**Dallas:** Gotcha covered.

**Constantinos:** (and another) How about this piece?

**Dallas:** No problem.

**Constantinos:** And this? And that? Andthisandthisandthatandthisandthatandoneofthose-

(The logs cover the entire screen)

**Dallas:** (nonchalantly) No worries, Constantinos.

(Constantinos stares at the ginormous pile. All he has left now is the small stick from earlier. He plucks a small piece out of it)

**Constantinos:** (tosses the stick onto the pile) There. Thank you, Dallas.

**Dallas:** No, no, thank *you*.

(They walk down a trail near a river)

**Constantinos:** Firewood collecting is my new favorite activity, Dallas.

**Dallas:** Yeah, and I love walking through nature too. It clears my mind and it gets your blood pumping.

(They pass by a log, and Constantinos stops in his tracks as he stares at it)

**Constantinos:** Um, Dallas?

**Dallas:** Yeah?

**Constantinos:** (looks at the log again) Do you mind?

**Dallas:** No problem. (adds it to the huge pile)

(Constantinos hops around the forest while Dallas tries to keep up. Eventually, he unknowingly loses him)

**Constantinos:** (sweats even though he's only carrying a tiny piece of the stick) Whew! Carrying firewood sure is hard work.

(He takes out a water bottle and chugs it. He sighs in relief, and then he wipes the sweat off his forehead)

**Constantinos:** (looks back) I'm sorry, did you want some, Dallas?

(His eyes widen upon seeing something)

**Constantinos:** Dallas?!

(And that 'something' is the fact Dallas is nowhere to be found)

**Constantinos:** (looks behind a tree) Buddy? (and under a rock) Dallas? (starts running) Dallas?! Dallas!!! DALLAAAAAAAAAAAA-

(He bumps into the pile of logs, which are sitting on the grass)

**Constantinos:** Oh, hi, Dallas.

(He realizes something is too wrong. It's too quiet)

**Constantinos:** (lightly pokes it) Dallas? (peeks inside) Are you in there? (pokes it again) Hey, Dallas?

(The pile collapses. Dallas is still missing)

**Constantinos:** YOU'RE NOT DALLAS!!!! (sadly kneels down) Oh, what have I done?! I have lost him! He is GONE!!!! And it's all because I didn't carry my fair share!!! (sobs)

(Later that day, the dismissal bell is seen ringing. Constantinos sadly slithers to the boys' dorm, and he opens the door)

**Eric:** (offscreen) Hi, Constantinos! (we see him covered in tree sap) Do you wanna know the best part about walking through nature? It's being completely covered in tree sap!

(Constantinos nervously chuckles)

**Eric:** (sticks himself to the wall) Go ahead, Constantinos! Stick to something!

(Constantinos looks at his fingers. He has a small amount of tree sap on them. He nervously chuckles as he puts his fingers on the door and awkwardly swings it open back and forth)

**Constantinos:** (sheepishly) Sticky.

**Eric:** Ok, Dallas, your turn!

(Beat)

(Eric starts looking around)

**Eric:** Weird, he's the only person who hasn't done it yet. Constantinos, where's Dallas?

**Constantinos:** (shivering) D-Dallas?! Oh, he's, well...oh, you know!

**Eric:** (confused) Know what?

**Constantinos:** He'll be back in an hour!

(Cut to a time card)

**The Narrator:** One hour later...

(Eric is still on the wall)

**Eric:** (grinning) Ok, where is he?

**Constantinos:** Who?

**Eric:** Dallas.

**Constantinos:** Oh, him! (nervously chuckles once more as he blushes for no reason) He's, umm...he's sparring against a grizzly bear in the forest like how he always does after school.

**Eric:** But he started wrestling sharks a few months ago.

**Constantinos:** Uhhh...that was before he developed a shark allergy. (plops down on the common room's couch) Phew. All this chit-chat is making me tired. I think I'll take a nap.

**Eric:** You sure he's wrestling a bear right now?

**Constantinos:** Yup! And we should probably stay away!

**Eric:** (excitedly) That's great! Let's go cheer him on.

(Constantinos' eyes widen, and the camera cuts to him and Eric back in Lakeside Forest)

**Eric:** That's odd. We haven't seen a bear anywhere around here yet,

(The camera pans out to reveal Constantinos lathered in honey)

**Eric:** even after we covered you in bear bait.

**Constantinos:** (gulps) He...must have turned it into a coat or a rug or something, which is why we haven't seen any!

**Eric:** I'm not so sure. Dallas is always a fair fighter. You haven't seen him down here, didn't you?

**Constantinos:** (points to behind him) There he is!

**Eric:** (looks behind) Where?

**Constantinos:** All the way in the cafeteria. (prepares to walk away) Well, that takes care of that mystery.

**Eric:** C'mon, Constantinos! Let's join him for an after-school snack! (takes off)

(Beat)

**Constantinos:** I lost my appetite.

(The camera transitions to Lakeside Forest, where construction noises are heard)

**Dallas:** Well, Dallas, I don't know how you lost Constantinos, and I certainly don't know how you managed to build all this stuff, but with these, I survived. With nothing more than Constantinos' stick and some bubblegum I had in my pocket, I built (we see the following) a five-star hotel, a hospital, a research facility for incurable diseases, a MacDouglas', and a supermarket.

(He faces the helicopter he just built)

**Dallas:** And with this advanced military helicopter I made out of nothing more than the log pile, now I can find Constantinos.

(Right before he can start it up, he sees a splinter on his finger)

**Dallas:** Oh yeah, Constantinos' share.

(He starts up the helicopter and flies away)

(In Constantinos and Dallas' dorm room, the former is frantically gathering things around. Eric opens the door)

**Eric:** Hey Constantinos, did you find Dallas? I looked all over the cafeteria, but I must've just missed him.

**Constantinos:** Well, uhh, he does play cards with Carver every day! That must be why.

**Eric:** No, only on Saturdays, and they do it in the cafeteria.

**Constantinos:** Wait! He's right here, of course!

**Eric:** Dallas? (uncovers it) That's not Dallas. (we see a closeup of numerous pillows on the bed) It's just a pile of pillows. Dallas is not a pile of pillows, Constantinos.

**Constantinos:** (laughs anxiously) What are you talking about? That is obviously Dallas.

**Eric:** Hmmm...it doesn't even look like him when I squint really hard. (smiles) Ok Constantinos, where's the real Dallas?

(Constantinos frantically scratches his head)

**Eric:** Wait a minute!

(Cut to a time card)

**The Narrator:** One minute later...

**Eric:** You lost Dallas in the forest, didn't you?

**Constantinos:** (starts sweating) No I didn't! Uh...

**Eric:** Then where is he?

(Constantinos tries to come up with something, but then an imagination sequence begins. Dallas is in the middle of Lakeside Forest, walking around and whistling, but then he bumps into a horde of angry wolves, and he runs away in fear as they chase him)

(Imagination sequence ends)

**Constantinos:** Uhhhhhhhhh... (the camera focuses on his eyes) uhhhhhhhhh... (and then it zooms out) Dallas...turned invisible! He's a ghost now! You can't see him!

(Suddenly, he realizes what he just said, and he becomes so ashamed that he shrinks out of existence)

**Eric:** O...k. So Dallas is invisible.

**Constantinos:** (has already regenerated) Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah yeah yeah.

(Eric tries to take this into consideration)

**Eric:** That, is,

(Beat)

**Eric:** (eagerly) AMAZING! Constantinos, why didn't you tell me sooner?

**Constantinos:** (relieved that his lie worked) I don't know. I guess I thought you wouldn't believe me.

**Eric:** Oh, I believe you. Wow, invisibility. That's gotta be the best ability. Ya know, that and flying. (gasps) Hey! Can Dallas fly too?

**Constantinos:** Umm...sure, why not?

**Eric:** Wait, so you can see Dallas flying?

**Constantinos:** (scoffs) Of course not, he's invisible, remember?

**Eric:** Oh yeah. Well then, how can you tell?

**Constantinos:** Umm...I...I can smell him. He's standing right next to you.

**Eric:** Wow! (turns to his right) Hey, Dallas! I didn't know you were there! (turns back to Constantinos) See, Constantinos? Doesn't it feel good to tell the truth? And I mean the truthfully *honest* truth. (Constantinos looks aside nervously while sweating as Eric says the following) In my honest opinion, nothing honestly beats it.

(He hands him a camera)

**Eric:** Here, take a picture of me and Dallas before Dallas' invisibility wears off! We have to document this!

**Constantinos:** Uh, ok.

(He takes a picture, and the camera flash transitions the screen to Dallas flying around in his helicopter)

**Dallas:** Constantinos? Constantinos? (accelerates the helicopter a bit further) Where did he run off to?

(He continues piloting the helicopter, and the camera transitions to Eric bouncing around as he tries to grab thin air. A group of students are watching this)

**Eric:** Yah! (starts panting) Almost. (continues hopping around) I gotcha! (rapidly moves his arms, hoping to grab "Dallas")

**Joey:** What are you doing?

**Eric:** I'm trying to play tag with Dallas, but he won't stop flying.

**Joey:** (surprised) Dallas is flying? Where? I don't see anything.

**Eric:** Oh yeah, that's because he's a ghost now. You can't see him.

**Joey:** (growls) Who told you THAT crock?

**Eric:** It's no crock, Joey. You can even ask Constantinos. (points to him)

**Joey:** (mocking him) Hey everyone, look at Dallas! He's flying, AND, he's invisible! Just ask Constantinos!

**Corey:** (adjusts his glasses) Highly improbable.

**Bernadette:** (adjusts hers as well) Totally illogical.

**Joey:** The only thing that's invisible here, is Eric's brain.

(Everybody laughs at this, and he smirks)

**Eric:** Make fun all you want, Joey, but Dallas *is* invisible.

**Joey:** No he's not! Constantinos is LYING to you!

(Constantinos is seen looking down in shame)

**Eric:** Hey! There's two things that will always be true about Constantinos. Number one, he is *not* a liar! And two, his sense of smell is accurate enough to detect an invisible, seven-foot-two-inch tall student.

(Everybody laughs again)

**Constantinos:** (sadly looks up) Eric?

**Eric:** Yeah, Constantinos?

**Constantinos:** I...I...I'm gonna go back to the dorm. (walks away in shame) Have a good time with Dallas.

(The camera cuts to him writing a letter with ink and a feather)

**Constantinos:** (voiceover as he writes down the following) Dear Eric, I won't sugarcoat anything I'm about to write down here, nor am I asking for forgiveness. It is true that I lost Dallas. I am a disgrace to The Lucky 6 and the world. I am going into the forest myself to live in shame; it's the only thing I deserve. I'm sorry for being a terrible friend and an even worse person altogether. Your friend of bad quality, Constantinos.

(He leaves the letter on the nightstand in Edward and Eric's room. He exits the boys' dorm, and the camera pans over to the letter. The words on it mysteriously vanish)

(Later, Constantinos is seen walking through Lakeside Forest, but then he hears a loud noise)

**Constantinos:** Huh?! (nervously chuckles) Probably just my imagination.

(It gets louder)

**Constantinos:** (walks a bit faster) Be calm, Constantinos. Just ignore whatever is back there and it'll leave you alone!

(And louder. He screams and makes a run for it)

**Constantinos:** (pants heavily) I PROMISE I'LL NEVER LIE AGAIN! ***I ONLY WANTED TO LIVE IN SHAME!!!!!!!!!!***

(He screams again upon finding himself cornered. He sees something approaching and screams bloody murder)

(It turns out to be Dallas inside his helicopter. He parks it and exits)

**Dallas:** Constantinos, you little rascal! There you are! (runs up to him and hugs him)

**Constantinos:** (gasps) Dallas?! (laughs in happiness) You're alright! I am so, so sorry I lost you.

**Dallas:** It's ok, I don't mi-

**Constantinos:** No, no, it is not. From now on, I promise I'll carry my fair share.

**Dallas:** No, I insist, it's fine. If I was upset, I would've told you.

**Constantinos:** Alright, good. (picks up a log) Now, about my fair share, I can pick up that piece too, if you want.

**Dallas:** (plucks the splinter off his finger and hands it to him) Thanks, Constantinos.

**Constantinos:** (stares at the helicopter) Dallas, what is that?

**Dallas:** Oh, just some advanced military helicopter I built with nothing more than a twig and some bubblegum. Wanna ride?

**Constantinos:** Sure!

(They get in and cheer as they take off)

(Later, Eric enters the boys' dorm)

**Eric:** Hey, Constantinos! You just missed the best game of Hide and Seek! Dallas was unstoppable!

(No answer)

**Eric:** (looks around) Constantinos? Must've just missed him. (goes to the table Constantinos sat at to write his letter) I better leave him a note and put it in his room in case he comes back. (dips the feather into the ink; starts writing) Dear Constantinos, I am writing you a note-

(Suddenly, the words vanish just like how they did on Constantinos' letter)

**Eric:** Hey! What happened to Constantinos? (picks up the ink bottle) Maybe this ink's expired or something.

(He gasps upon seeing it isn't just ordinary ink. It's...)

**Eric:** Invisible ink! This must be how Dallas turned into a ghost, *and*, I couldn't find Constantinos because he's invisible too! (dips his finger into the bottle) And maybe Eric can be invisible! (once he takes it out, half of his finger vanishes) Whoa-hoa-hoa!

(Outside, Dallas and Constantinos are wildly cheering. Dallas parks the helicopter in front of the boys' dorm)

**Constantinos:** Eric, look who I found!

**Eric:** (opens the door, revealing that he's now completely invisible) Constantinos, there you are! (closes the door) Nice helicopter.

**Constantinos:** Thanks. Dallas built it. Anyway, I know that my note said I went to Lakeside Forest for good, but I'm back. Dallas is safe and sound, and I'm sorry for lying to y-

(Reality hits him. He can't see Eric anywhere even though they can hear him)

**Constantinos:** Eric? Where are you?

**Eric:** Over here!

**Constantinos:** Where?

**Eric:** Here! What note are you talking about?

**Constantinos:** You didn't get the note I left in your room?

**Eric:** You mean the note you wrote with...that bottle of invisible ink you guys have been hiding from me? (laughs) What a great prank!

(Dallas and Constantinos are confused)

**Both:** Invisible ink?

**Eric:** Can I go for a ride too?

**Dallas:** (shrugs) The more the merrier, Eric.

**Eric:** (gets in) Excuse me, coming through, sorry. (sits down) C'mon, Dallas! Step on it!

(He and Dallas cheer as Dallas starts up the helicopter again, and they take off)

(The loud sound of the helicopter's propellers causes the bottle of invisible ink to shake. It spills from the desk and seeps into the first floor's bathroom, where it gets into the school's water supply)

(Principal Walker is taking a bath in his office's bathroom. He gets up to grab his towel, but then he screams upon noticing his body has disappeared)

**Principal Walker:** ***GOODMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!***

(He instantly vanishes from existence, followed by his bathtub, toilet and towel)

(Outside, the rest of the school gradually disappears, followed by Earth, the solar system, the universe, Chatterbox Productions, Warner Bros. Animation, the rest of The Real World, and then the camera)

("The End" screen)

(Episode ends)