Master Handed, Crazy Handed, and Red Handed/Original Story

"Red Fever, do you copy? Come in, Red Fever."
Dr. Mario heard the familiar, wubbly voice of the good Dr. Light through the communicator in his ear. "I-A hear you-a loud and clear," he whispered back as he walked through the front door of Nintendo's Treehouse Base. Though the massive complex stretched high into the sky, fixed and designed around the Great Deku Tree, the bottom floors were still open to the public, and not unlike the lobby of a corporate building. In a setting like this, Dr. Mario was perfectly incognito in his disguise, wearing his normal clothes.
"Hello, Mario" the desk receptionist greeted, "The big Super Smash Bros Ultimate meeting is waiting for you on the top floor."
"Oh, thank-a you so much!" Dr. Mario pleasantly returned.
"I see Cappy is here with you, too! How are you doing, Cappy?" the receptionist smiled.
Dr. Mario coughed and held his fist up to his mouth to hide his lips, obscuring the fact that he was talking. "H-Hello, it's-a me, Cappy!" he spoke, and then tipped his red hat which had googly eyes glued to it.
The man nervously made his way across the open lobby to an elevator, not even attempting to hide the fact that he was holding and dragging a sack along the floor with him, which was several times his size and causing him considerable strain to pull. He found it incredibly difficult to fit the bag through the elevator door, which automatically closed at some point during the process and pinched the bag from both sides.
"Ow," the voice of Grounder whispered.
"Shut up, doofus," Scratch whispered.
"Are you ok, Mario?" a nearby Nintendo employee asked with concern.
"Oh-a, he he he, I'm-a just fine, thank-a you!" Dr. Mario replied, sweating.
The bag was finally pulled through the door, and it closed. Now out of sight, Dr. Mario pulled the rope holding the bag closed, and it dropped to the floor, revealing several individuals all dressed in tuxedos and wearing sunglasses. "
"Excellent!" Dr. Robotnik cheered, he too communicating from the same lab as Dr. Light via earpieces carried by each of the agents, "The infiltration was successful."
"They never suspected a thing," Coconuts asserted with cocky confidence, crossing his arms and closing his eyes with a smug face, "They all thought you were one of the Smash Bros. characters invited to the Smash briefing."
"Actually, Mr. Coconuts, sir," Mega Man jumped in, "A lot of us actually WERE invited. Including Dr. Mario!"
"Oh, uhm, well, hrm. I guess that's true," Dr. Robotnik reaffirmed matter-of-factly.
Everyone was just kind of silent for a few moments.
Proto Man broke the silence. "Well, either way. We're in now. Let's go over the plan one more time."
Ian crouched down onto his knees and unrolled a piece of paper out onto the floor like a carpet, and the others sat or crouched low to the ground to see it better. As the elevator began ascending up, the plan schematics were laid out for all of them to see.
It was a large document, about the size of a small rug. It was mostly blank, save for a few words written in green crayon in the center: "Steal the Smash Roster."
"Sounds good to me!" Grounder nodded.
Eventually, the elevator reached the top floor of the facility, and at this point ears were popping because of the high altitude of the tree. Ian flipped over the piece of paper and displayed a very detailed map which had been on the other side. He gathered the attention of all of them. "Alright, team. Our goal is this room right here," he explained, pointing to the very edge of one of the longest branches. A single room stood out from the rest of the compound with nothing more than a staircase connecting it to the rest of the building, sorta like Dracula's throne room in Castlevania.
"Is this where they keep the roster?" Scratch asked for clarity.
"That's right, my rascally robot friend," Dr. Light confirmed, "You look upon the Smash Vault, a heavily guarded treasure room. It will be a long and arduous journey through the rest of the top floor."
"Good luck, team," Dr. Robotnik encouraged, "and be careful of being spotted."
As the elevator doors opened, the team of agents kept low to the ground in sneaking stances, pressing their backs against the wall of the hallway as they moved quietly.
"Your first obstacle is going to be the office space," Robotnik narrated as they journeyed on. The crew found themselves in a carpeted area filled with office cubicles, wheelie chairs, printers, and water dispensers. The sound of typing upon keyboards was a constant ambiance.
Their hearts almost stopped as they heard a voice from behind them. It came from Nate Bihldorff, who was going about his regular business and carried a stack of papers in his arms. "Oh hey, Mario, and hey Mega Man," he acknowledged, before squinting his eyes. "I thought the Smash meeting was on the other side of the building, why are you headed this way? And who are these people?" he asked skeptically.
Dr. Mario, as well as his friends, were dead silent for a few moments. He rapidly scanned his eyes one way and then the other, making sure no one was around to see. He swiftly grappled Nate and strangled him unconscious, then dragged he man into an empty cubicle to hide him. "Quick, let's-a go, before someone-a notices," Dr. Mario directed, with pressure pushing his words and actions.
With Ian leading the way, the group of agents dropped down to the ground and crawled across the office room, eventually crossing it without being noticed and reaching the next hallway.
The next obstacle was a room with a single walkway across a gaping chasm, and across the way were gigantic blades swinging back and forth dangerously.
"...Why did they build this," Proto Man asked, though it was so monotone and deadpan that it sounded more like a general statement than a question.
"Sakurai has been trying to keep the rabid smash fans at bay for over ten years now," Dr. Light informed them, "The rest of the way is probably going to be ripe with booby traps."
"Don't worry, however!" Robotnik interjected with uplifting optimism, "We've contacted a specialist. An expert at building booby traps and constructing dangerous rooms. He should be able to guide you just fine."
Within the lab, Dr. Wily emerged from the shadows, cackling madly. "That's right, you made the right choice contacting me. Finally, you see the merit and caliber of my genius for what it is!"
Mega Man was skeptical. "But Dr. Light, Dr. Wily is a criminal bent on world conquest!"
Dr. Robotnik rotated his chair and scratched his head. "I mean, so was I?"
Mega Man had to concede that point. "Yeah, but you're also not a bitch. Dr. Wily is a bitch."
"Jesus CHRIST, I already APOLOGIZED for the thirty three times I tried to take over the world," Wily whined.
"You tried to take over the world thirty FOUR times!" Mega Man shot back.
"THAT was a game of SOCCER! Let it GO already!!"
Dr. Mario raised a troubling possibility. "What if-a he tries to-a betray us, though?"
Dr. Wily heard the click of a gun hammer and felt the press of a pistol against the back of his head. "Not if he knows what's good for him," Squidward warned gravely.
"Maybe we should just chill out, Bro," Proto Man suggested, "We don't have all day. We need to get the goods and get out before our cover gets blown."
The team eyed the swinging blades cautiously, and nobody moved for a bit. "So, uh, who wants to go first?" Mega Man asked.
Ian realized he had to be decisive at a time like this one. "Ok, uh, how about, we all go on three?"
"One, two... three!" he shouted! Everyone kind of jerked forward a few millimeters but nobody actually went, having all lost the nerve at the last minute.
Coconuts pushed Scratch and Grounder forward, nearly causing them to lose balance. "How about these dumb-bots?!" he shrieked with a laugh.
The two badniks stumbled and wobbled back and forth in almost alien motions as they tried desperately not to fall over. Each step they took triggered more traps which fired arrows from the walls directly at them. However, their bizarre ballet of motion allowed them to skillfully dance around each and every threat until reaching the other side of the walkway unharmed.
Coconuts' jaw dropped, and he quickly changed face and tried to take full credit for the accomplishment. "That was me, I did that."
"Oh wait," Mega Man paused. He remember he could summon Item 2 and the rest of the team used the rocket board to ride across the chasm leisurely, avoiding all of the traps completely.
Dr. Wily flourished his lab coat as if it were a cape, throwing a smoke bomb and making a grand escape from the lab. "My work here is done! Muwhahaha!" he shouted confidently, but after a few moments there was the echo of a loud smash. The smoke cleared to reveal that Dr. Wily had tripped on the Dragon Balls and slid on them like giant marbles, falling flat on his back.
"Huh. So that's where those went," King Kai commented.
"Good work making it through that, team," Dr. Light praised, "Your next objective will be to cross the dining area."
Sure enough, the unit found themselves walking into an incredibly ornate and sparkling dining hall, as if they were on a five star cruise ship. Dozens of guests sat at fancy tables eating and chatting pleasantly.
"Wait a minute, how does a place like this come AFTER the trap room?" Coconuts asked, "Does that mean all of these people had to go through that room too?"
"Yeah," King Dedede answered with spaghetti in his mouth, he himself having an arrow sticking out of his hat and missing a finger.
"It shouldn't be too hard to get past this room, let's just keep going," Ian instructed, and the troop carried on.
They tried to keep focused, but in truth, two particular guests in the room were arguing loudly enough to distract all of them.
The entire team could hear the voice of a thick New York accent in the background of Grounder's microphone. "I'm TELLIN' you, Frank. That timeline they put out was just throwing a bone, the Zelda series wasn't meant to have a chronological order!"
A nasally voice responded, sounding rather fed up. "For the love of God and all that is holy, can you just let it go, Bill? It's in the book. Right there in the Historia. It's canon."
"I have no choice but to contest this. The overwhelming sense of freedom and purpose are made possible by each game having a self contained setting."
"That doesn't even make sense. They can be self contained and still have an order."
"Let me explain-"
"Bill, discussions like this are why we go to therapy."
"I'm serious! The core element of Zelda is unabated romanticism. The adventure, the struggles, the chivalry... each story is like its own little fairy tale. When you start to try and put those stories in a sequence, they lose their individuality and start to become cogs in a predictable machine."
"You're devaluing the entire concept of a franchise! What's wrong with having a more general, overarching plot blanketing a series of individual stories, giving them connecting elements?"
"The generalization is so broad that the individuals lose their sense of self when compared to a much more nebulous ultimate plot."
"Bill, you realize I don't even play Zelda games, right? I never got past one of the puzzles in the first dungeon of Majora's Mask and I stopped then and there."
Bullet Bill looked Shy Guy directly in the eyes and places his hands on both of his shoulders. "We can work through this troubling time together, my friend. We can heal this wound."
"Eyes on the prize, guys," Ian snapped his fingers, gaining his team's attention once more. They made short work of traveling from one end of the room to the other.
By this point, Red Team would have been forgiven for thinking they were in one of the halls of a grand castle. They found themselves in a corridor with a ceiling raised a hundred feet above, illuminated with a heavenly radiance by the gigantic windows lining both walls, and in between in of those windows stood colossal statues of Nintendo characters, standing dozens of feet tall. The profound, almost spiritual sense of awe inspired their minds to hear a Gregorian chant as a placebo for the stone cold silence, joined by the percussion of the vast, deep echoes emanating from every footstep.
"It might actually be a clear walk down this hallway!" Dr. Light shouted enthusiastically, "My scanners aren't picking up any sign of traps or dangerous."
"Tread carefully regardless," Dr. Robotnik warned, "We still don't know what could be in store for potential intruders like yourselves. This is Sakurai, we're talking about. Who knows what kind of-"
The shattering of glass sent a shiver down each of their spines as they shifted back a step from the surprise. A small, round object entered the room as it broke right through the window, and bounced against the ground several times with metallic clanks from each impact.
Proto Man raised his shield and jumped to the front of the group. "Everybody, get behind me!" he shouted.
Sure enough, a gigantic explosion betrayed the true nature of the object: a grenade. One followed by several others, in fact.
Explosions spread out in all directions as the team scattered to take cover behind statues. The building began shaking with loud, thunderous thumps, and rocky debris chipped away and fell from the walls. They could tell that, in addition to the grenades, the building was being shelled by mortar strikes.
"Doctor! What's going on?!" Mega Man yelled into his communicator.
"I don't know, Rock! Stay safe, and I'll try to analyze the situation!" Dr. Light frantically answered, tinkering with all sorts of scanners back at the lab.
"Take a look outside, guys, this is unreal!!" Coconuts cried. The team gathered to his location and carefully lifted their heads up just high enough to view outside the window. As they were now at drastic heights, the outside was as empty and free as the open air, and they could even see the clouds. Most importantly, however, they could also see a war zeppelin floating in the sky. Its purple coloration was vivid, and the emblem of an upside-down L was unmistakable.
A shrewd, impish voice boomed from a loudspeaker on the ship. "Not making Waluigi playable in Smash ultimate, Sakurai?! This mean's WAHr!"
Grappling hooks fired like cannons, linking to the the hallway in the sky, and immediately droves of individuals charged out across the ropes to invade the building. They each had dark rings under their eyes and zig zagged mustaches, and the majority of them dressed in tattered and loose clothing like pirates. "WAH! WAH! WAAAAH!!," was their ominous battle chant as they pressed forward.
"Holy fuck, the Waluigi fans have lost their minds!" Dr. Robotnik screamed, "It's an all out assault on Nintendo Headquarters! Take cover!"
"There's no time for that!" Ian argued, he himself noticing that large chunks of the ceiling were beginning to fall as the entire corridor threatened to collapse, "We have to get out of here, now!"
Secret compartments on the walls opened up to reveal red lights, which buzzed and blared as the building's alarm system went off. The bottom pedestals underneath the statues opened up vertically like car garage doors, revealing automated security personnel. Instantly, the Fighting Polygon Team emerged and intercepted the Waluigi Sky Pirates, dueling them valiantly.
Another Nintendo figure emerged, flying through the sky. It was Ridley, who appeared just in time to fire a massive beam of energy, shooting the Waluigi blimp out of the sky. He clearly wanted to pursue the Waluigi fans who had already invaded, but he was simply too big to fit through the windows into the room. He flew away, dejected.
"Quick, let's escape through the chaos!" Ian continued ordering, leading the group on their full sprint across the hallway. Eventually they left the area, escaping through a mammoth sized door and shutting it behind them. They could still hear the shouts and explosions of battle, albeit muffled behind the sturdy wood of the door.
"We don't have much time left, team," Dr. Light explained with haste as he sweat bullets, "With the damage that battle is accruing, there's no telling how long this side will stay standing. This entire side of the treehouse branch could snap and fall off at any minute. Hurry up and find the roster and escape!"
The squadron found themselves in a very dark room, and lights flickered on in sequence until a catwalk was illuminated completely, just like that one room in The Incredibles. It was a single path leading to a podium housing a small glass container. Within the glass was but a single, regular looking flash drive.
"Is that the roster? It doesn't look like a roster..." Grounder expressed as doubt.
"The roster is data inside the drive, dumpass," Scratch corrected.
The crew slowly and carefully approached the podium, and Mega Man used his Super Arm to raise the glass protecting the device. All were silent as Ian slowly extended his arm further and further towards the flash drive...
Instantly, and startlingly, an arm jetted out from the shadows with lightning speed, reaching out to tightly grab Ian's wrist. It was so dark behind the podium that the agents couldn't even see the body the arm was coming from, only that the arm was wearing a nice suit. Two red eyes lit up, standing out from the darkness. From the point of view of the eyes, the red tinted intruders all appeared with targeting reticules around them, and the bottom of the screen listed "Fils-A-Vision."
Before he knew it, Ian was blasted across the room, smashing through the wooden door and knocking him back into the chaos of the battle in the hallway. He narrowly managed to break his fall by using his bounce bracelet. "Ow," he groaned.
The rest of his squad all began doing acrobatic backflips as a defensive maneuver to leave the small room, flipping through the hole that Ian's flight path left through the door, and away from whatever in that room had attacked them.
A leg raised itself over the smashed hole, and out stepped Nintendo's final line of defense: a reprogrammed and refitted Reggie Fils-A-Mech. The machine put on a pair of sick sunglasses, and cracked its knuckles.
"The specs on that bot are off the charts!" Robotnik exclaimed, biting his lip, "That's a dangerous enemy indeed! Be on your best guard!"
"There are still crazy Waluigi fans and Fighting Polygons everywhere!" Grounder shivered.
"Rock, Blues," Dr. Light addressed, "Take the front lines and hold off the battle bot. Everyone else, clear a path for escape!"
Mega Man and Proto Man dashed forward with electric alacrity, jumping and zipping all over the place in intricate formations as the Reggie bot fired its lazer death eyes at them. Soon, the entire surrounding area became a deathtrap of projectiles and weapons as the three robots weaved around one another in intense, fast paced combat.
Scratch and Dr. Mario lead the way in the other direction, punching the shit out of anyone hostile who came close to the team. However, the Fils-A-Mech easily disengaged Mega Man and Proto Man to dash across the room and block the exit, planting it's feet with a confident and threatening stance.
"It's-a too powerful-a to defeat!" Dr. Mario bellowed, "We got to-a get out of here!"
"Not quite... we have a secret weapon!" Coconuts shouted with deep resolve.
"FORM UP, BADNIKS!!" Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts all shouted in unison. They jumped together and dissipated into a concentrated ball of fluctuating light.
"They don't have enough time to make the full transformation, so they're doing the emergency one instead it seems," Dr. Light commented.
"Yes, that's correct," Dr. Robotnik affirmed, "Though, regretfully, this transformation was a last minute idea, and it runs on the Brawl engine..."
Sure enough, the light just kind of stayed there flickering for quite a few seconds until the new model finally showed up.
A lanky, combination bot emerged from the light, pulling his arms and legs inward before ripping them out aggressively, DBZ style. It sported features reminiscent of all three of the bots which formed it, such as drills for hands and a lightbulb for a head, with a body type most closely resembling Scratch in terms of height and proportions. "Scroundernuts, ready for action!" he spoke with a combination of all three of their voices in perfect cadence.
Fils-A-Mech changed target priorities and immediately engaged Scroundernuts in order to defend Nintendo, and the two erupted into a maelstrom of light-speed martial arts, swinging and punching and kicking faster than the human eye could follow. Fils-A-Mech got in the first solid hit of the fight, staggering Scroundernuts backwards and causing oil to drip from his lip as his head stayed facing the ground, hiding his facial expression.
Scroundernuts lifted his head up to reveal a smirk behind his chicken beak. With a burst of energy, Scroundernuts turned bright gold and sent out a concussive shockwave, knocking Fils-A-Mech backwards. In an instant, Scroundernuts teleported behind the robot, and before the Reggie Bot could react, Scroundernuts backhanded him and send him flying with a single, effortless strike. Reggie Bot's impact was great enough to split the wall in two.
The entire hallway was rumbling and shaking, threatening to fall from the sky at any moment. "There's no time to retreat back the way you came..." Dr. Light mumbled, putting his brain to work trying to come up with a solution, "Surely there must be some other way to get out of there."
Ian pointed his finger over towards one of the windows. "What about those grind rails over there?"
The crew ran over, and sure enough, there was a network of grind rails going through the sky for no real purpose whatsoever. "We'll hold him off, you guys escape!" Scoundernuts shouted. In a blaze of speed, the Fils-A-Mech exploded in a dash towards Scroundernuts, and the two of them locked fists with the tenacious spirit of sumo wrestlers.
The rest of the team picked their rails and began grinding down through the sky and breakneck speeds, their descent giving them a sensation not unlike that of sky diving. Not a moment too soon, as the the entire corridor fell in on itself, snapping the branch and sending everything falling back down to Earth. Their grind speed seemed almost even with the huge chunks of the falling facility, as the debris seemed to equalize and level out around them. One gigantic, circular chunk of stone in particular made for level footing, and Scroundernuts and Fils-A-Mech stood with perfect posture, facing off against one another, as the rest of the team could do naught but watch the titans once they would inevitably clash once more.
The two robots went all out, teleporting and fighting all around in what could only be compared to a collision of two hurricanes, with the gusts of wind from the resulting shockwaves threatening to push the crew off of their rails, but they valiantly held steady.
When it seemed like Scroundernuts would get a decisive blow, a detonation of smoke obscured the entire battlefield in an instant. When the dust cleared, they could all see what had happened. Scroundernut's human-ass fist had been stopped dead upon smashing against Fils-A-Mech's arm as he had taken a defensive stance to block the blow. Also, the Fils-A-Bot's regular arm had been replaced by a gigantic fucking gorilla arm. The robot's other arm transformed as well, and the Reggie Bot's tie glowed with the DK emblem. Before Scroundernuts could react, he was assaulted with a blitz of rapid fire punches.
"ORAORAORAORAORAORAORA!!" the Fils-A-Mech shouted, beating Scroundernuts savagely, before sending him flying with a single, charged up punch.
"I've finally analyzed the robot's capabilities!" Dr. Light interjected over the communicators, though it was hard to hear him over the loud wind surrounding all of them during their descent. "This robot has been fitted with weapons resembling the powers of various Smash Bros. characters!"
The Fils-A-Mech's sunglasses morphed into R.O.B.'s visor, and his hands transformed into Samus's arm cannon. The two new weapons fired massive blasts of pure energy at Scroundernuts, threatening to end the bot then and there.
"NYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!" Scroundernuts screamed, transforming into a Super Saiyan 3 and blasted directly into the beam of energy as if it were nothing. Withstanding the force of the energy beam with pure willpower, Scroundernuts closed in on the Fils-A-Mech, and the upper half of his body emerged from within the beam, point blank range, close enough to sock the Reggie bot in the face for a critical blow. The energy beams ceased, and the augmentations to the Fils-A-Bot disappeared as it regained its normal form.
The bot regained a perfect standing position with robotic, inhuman flicks of motion. For the first time, it smiled.
Before Scroundernuts could react, a purple tail ejected from Reggie Bot's back and skewered Scroundernuts in the torso, before ripping back out and bringing the combo bot to his knees.
There was a large gap in Scroundernuts' side where the tail had pierced, and from it dripped blood, oil, and pepto bismol. Scroundernuts was panting deeply, but his breath normalized. "Don't worry, I know we can defeat this bot!" Scroundernuts promised with unwaivering determination, "But let's move this fight away from the others, so they don't get hurt!"
Scrounternuts squatted down and kicked off against the rock propelling him upwards at absurd speeds. The Fils-A-Mech followed suit. Within moments, the two fighters had broken through the atmosphere and were hovering in space, staring each other down and emitting terrifyingly powerful auras of energy.
"Just you and me now, big guy," Scroundernuts taunted, punching his two fists together.
Nintendo's ultimate weapon began to show its frightening true power. It raised its arms to the side and manifested two gigantic gloves, controlling both Master Hand and Crazy Hand like puppets. His legs transformed to reveal Shadow's rocket boots, and his head transformed into a gigantic Tyrannosaurus head just like in Mario Odyssey. His butt even turned into Snake's former, meaty ass.
"So that's where that went," Squidward commented.
Scroundernuts flexed his arms out to his sides with a pumping motion. His power level increased dramatically, and it was clear that whatever would happen next would end the fight.
The Fils-A-Mech fused Master Hand and Crazy Hand to form a gigantic Power glove of pure energy, which encased his fist like a large gauntlet. Emblazoned on the side of the glove were the words "Waluigi Fucker 9000."
It smiled and spoke for the first time. "I'm gonna kick your ass," it threated with utmost confidence.
It used the rocket boots to blast forward, propelling itself at an unreasonable speed, with his gauntlet cocked back, poised to punch for a final strike.
In the most fluid of motions, Scroundernuts was able to gracefully parry the blow and push the power glove to the side, causing it to harmlessly graze his face. In the same motion, Scroundernuts smashed the Reggie Bot in the face with a decisive elbow strike, breaking its sunglasses completely. With its glowing red eyes revealed, it fired its lazer death beams at Scroundernuts, nearly vaporizing his head. Scoundernuts was able to bend his neck in time, and the beams passed through the lightbulb on top of his head. He grabbed the Fils-A-Mech's arm and began spinning him around like a tornado, before tossing the bot as hard as he could. While the robot soared and struggled to recuperate, it fired its lazers once more, this time obliterating one of Scroundernut's arms.
Knowing he couldn't keep this up much longer, Scroundernuts prepared to charge his final attack.
    "KAAAAAAAAAAMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...
The Fils-A-Mech backflipped and stopped its own momentum, and then rotated to face the sun. His eyes began to absorb solar energy, which spiraled into his eyes like a flaming vortex. It began charging a final attack of its own.
"HAAAAAAAAAAMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE..."
An unimaginably blast of energy erupted from the Fils-A-Mech's eyes, shooting out like a pillar of pure light towards Scroundernuts, who knew he couldn't defeat such an attack on his own. Yet with unshakable determination, Scroundernuts extended his remaining arm outwards explosively, firing a beam of energy of his own. He could feel Waluigi's spirit aid him, which amplified his own beam into one which dwarfed even the Fils-A-Mech's monstrous beam in size.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
The two beams of energy smashed together with a force so strong it shook the universe. The Fils-A-Mech's lazer death eyes were overwhelmed completely, and Scroundernuts' attack completely enveloped it. Its suit and artificial skin melted to reveal the skeleton-like structure of metal underneath, which in turn melted, revealing Rocco from Mega 64. "I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE JUST STAYED HOME AND WAITED FOR THE NEXT E333333333333333333!!!!" he screamed as the beam continued to push him all the way into the sun.
While the climactic showdown took place in space, the rest of the squad managed to slide their way down the rails back to Earth safely, and they immediately spoke into their communicators to assess the situation. "Scroundernuts, do you copy?!" Ian asked, practically begging for a response.
The team waited nervously for a response. Finally, a buzz of static played into their ears. "... Loud and clear, boss," Scroundernuts returned, diffusing back into the three original Badniks.
Everyone began cheering! "Mission accomplished, team!" Proto Man announced proudly with a thumbs up.
"I'm teleporting you all back to the lab now," Dr. Robotnik happily informed them.
Within the hidden laboratory, the field team as well as the supervising doctors all gathered around the gigantic, bat-cave-sized computer screen, where Ian plugged in the flash drive. "Give the system a moment to decrypt the files..." Dr. Light explained.
After a few moments of wait, a folder opened up. Inside was a filed titled "supersecretsmashcharacter.txt."
"Open it! Open it!" Coconuts shouted frantically.
They clicked it, and were shocked to see the contents.

"goku lol"

Squidward smashed his tentacles against a nearby table. "We've been had!"
"That Sakurai is a rather crafty fellow, it seems," Robotnik hesitantly complimented, "He probably switched the roster with this decoy long before we even came."
Dr. Mario spoke up. "What-a did-a we even-a need to-a see the roster for in-a the first-a place?"
"Iunno," Dr. Light shrugged, "I was just curious I guess."
"Well," Mega Man spoke, entering the conversation, "I guess we can just wait like everyone else," he smiled endearingly.

Back at the Nintendo Treehouse Headquarters, the real Reggie Fils-Aime and Bill Trinen entered the front door, carrying shopping bags full of Nintendo's weekly groceries. "Hey guys, what did we miss?" he asked nonchalantly asked before actually looking around. Once he raised his eyes, he saw the bodies of dozens of Waluigi fans and Fighting Polygons, the reception desk on fire, a dejected-looking Ridley sitting in the corner of the room smoking, and gigantic slabs of rubble which had crashed through the roof and destroyed one half of the lobby.
Reggie and Bill looked at each other briefly, slid their time cards, clocked out, and went home.