Episode 055 - Cogito Ergo Ant: The Green Serpent Part III

## Book of Doug Touchstones

### Episode Features

* The third part of a four-part reading of *The Green Serpent* with guest podcaster Dani.

## Featured Story

For more information on *The Green Serpent*, go here. This story has been heavily borrowing the plot points of other stories throughout, and in this part has shades of *Rumpelstilskin*.

### Overall Plot

* Immediately the country of pagodas is beset by an army of marionettes, their leader being Magotine bc of course she is. Magotine is here because she heard that Laidronet and Green Serpent- her two least favorite people in the world- were somewhat happy for a little while and she's mad about that. Without Green Serpent there, the pagodas first ask Laidronet to be a general but Laidronet would rather lock herself inside a closet and cry.
* There is some description of the marionette army that does not lead to anything. Punchinello is the leader of the marionettes, and he has a bunch of wasps, mayflies and butterflies that he deploys against the pagodas, who use frogs and lizards. For some reason, the bugs always overcome the frogs and lizards. Finally the marionettes win when Magotine casts a spell to 'destroy all the wonderful things in the palace'
* Laidronet is now Magotine's slave so Magotine gives her a series of impossible tasks. It starts with asking her to teach philosophy to ants, but when Laidronet says that's impossible Magotine makes her wear irons shoes that are a size too small. She tells Laidronet to spin spider webs into hair. Laidronet tries over and over, can't do it, and cries, and then the invisible Green Serpent, who apparently did not actually leave, talks to her and tells her about his friend the Fairy Protectoress. When Laidronet calls on the Protectoress, she does all the work for her.
* When Magotine sees this, she tells Laidronet to the turn the hair into fishing nets. Again, the fairy protectoress bails Laidronet out. Magotine decides to bring Laidronet back to her home country. Along the way, the Green Serpent swims up and they start speaking poetry to one another. Magotine catches them and tells the Green Serpent he has to go to work as a poet for Persephone. The Green Serpent leaves.
* The get back to Marionette Land and Magotine tells Laidronet to go get water from the 'Inexhaustible Spring'. A millstone is tied around Laidronet. She has to go other a mountain to a valley and fill up a pitcher with holes in it with enough water to satisfy all of Magotine's fairy friends. She also has to get some clovers along the way. One her way, Laidronet calls on the protectoress and she also tells Laidronet that there are giants in the valley. This spring is apparently called the 'Spring of Discretion' and it's magical.
* The protectoress gives her a chariot driven by two white canaries. She instructs her to throw her shoes at the giants and give the pitcher to the canaries to take care of. She says that when she gets the water, wash her face in it and she will become beautiful, but after she'll have to just hang out in the woods for three years waiting for the Green Serpent as a human. When Laidronet says she doesn't like that plan, and fairy yells at her and says this is punishment for being too curious about her husband.
* Laidronet cries, but follows the instructions to the letter, except for that she drinks some of the water she washes her face because 'she wants to learn discretion'. The protectoress is so impressed by this that she reduces Laidronet's service by four years(???). She also declares that Laidronet's name is now Queen Discreet. Break.

## Discussion Points

* The hecklers again make guesses about what will happen next. Everyone is at a loss. Dani finally stumbles that probably Queen Discreet will have to go to Hades to save her husband. Gordie thinks that someone else who is super important who was not mentioned yet will show up. Tyler jokes that Hades is Green Serpent's dad. Carmen says that a throwaway guess about dancing hippos from fantasia is very close, to the dismay of everyone else. People start making more desperate Fantasia references.
* The Eternal Marionette-Pagoda blood feud
* Sexy Orange Iguana
* Impromptu Punchinella
* Amphibious Mercenaries
* Pagoda Shade
* Deus Ex Protectoress
* Biffles with Persephone
* Neck Deep in Beatnicks
* Mc Queen Discreet

### Notable Quotes

* Gordie: This week is just surviving
* Carmen: I'm Carmen. I'm your story teller. I'm so sorry.
* Carmen: This is Madame d'Oulnoy. She is our nightmare. Let's go.
* Tyler: When you're trying to get a position at a college and a dean puts an ant farm in front of you and says 'Teach them. This is your first test.'