Know Your Enemy

**[We managed to bring the somewhat legendary Red-Hair Samurai, better known as Wheeze or the First Kormade, into our office for an interview. It wasn't easy tracking him down, but there are only so many bakeries in town, so we found him eventually. All we had to do to get him to agree to this interview was buy him a croissant. Tsk. Typical kormades.]**

**[Interviewing Wheeze is Captain Honk of the Fifth Goose Division.]**

**HONK: Good evening, sir.**

**WHEEZE: Good wheezening.**

**HONK: I implore you to sheathe your sword. There is no need for weapons in our office.**

**WHEEZE: I'm afraid I can't do that. I need it to cut my bread.**

**HONK: Your bread?**

**[WHEEZE takes a baguette out of his robe.]**

**HONK: Hey! I said no food in here!**

**WHEEZE: Too bad. I'm hungry.**

**HONK: We just fed you!**

**WHEEZE: You expect me to be able to run on a measly\* croissant? It's been more than an hour!**

**[The croissant was the size of a small car.]**

**HONK: Let that be my first question for you then, Red-Hair Samurai -- why is it that you are always so hungry?**

**WHEEZE: Trying to fill the void of emptiness deep inside my nonexistent heart and soul that consumes me with despair in my waking hours.**

**HONK: ...And you're trying to fill that...void...with bread?**

**WHEEZE: What else are you supposed to fill a void with?**

**[WHEEZE chuckles, though it's more like a hysterical fit of coughing.]**

**WHEEZE: Look...I see right through you, goose. I know why you lot came chasing after me, and I know there're guards on the other side of that door -- you've got no intention of letting me escape. This was a trap.**

**[WHEEZE leans closer, licking baguette crumbs from his lips.]**

**WHEEZE: And I walked into it willingly. You know what kind of guy does that?**

**HONK: An idiot? I mean...that's absurd! This isn't a trap of any sort! We have no intention of taking you to Bean-**

**WHEEZE: A maniac!**

**[WHEEZE leaps forward, sword in hand and smile on face.]**

**[The camera appears to have stopped working.]**

Endive scowled at the interview transcript before crumpling it up and throwing it into the trashcan.

Useless.

Just like all their other attempts to learn about Red-Hair Samurai.

What was the Googly Eyes Army to do when they didn't know their enemy, when they couldn't know their enemy because every attempt to get to know him wound up like this? How many offices and hideouts and strongholds had Wheeze destroyed thus far, and how many soldiers had they lost to him? Endive hoped Captain Honk had managed to get out of there alive...

"Commander," someone said from the doorway, drawing his thoughts away from the matter, "Admiral Pancake wishes to speak with you."

The Breakfast Division? Endive turned and gave the guard a long look, searching for any signs she might be telling some sort of bad joke. But her expression was completely serious, and the words had been spoken without any hint of snickering.

So she was really here.

And she'd brought her division of demons.

Blueberry Pancake.

Was here.

Endive blinked, realizing how awkwardly long it had been since the guard had spoken, and said:

"Yes, yes, of course. Bring her in at once."

"Yes, sir," the guard said with a salute, exiting the room and leaving the door open to let in a chilling draft.

The Breakfast Division.

Endive couldn't believe it.

What could Blueberry possibly want after all these years?

The minutes dragged on long and terrifying, but after an eternity, his ears were cursed with the sound of footsteps. They were uneven and slow, but the slowness was deliberate and measured, cloaking the owner's stride in ominosity. The sound of a mechanical foot hitting the floor every other step made Endive's heart clench, and the closer those footsteps came, the colder his blood got.

She was here.

"Relax," Blueberry said upon entering the room. "We'll save that for another time."

She flashed him a smile, her sharp teeth gleaming in the light and her single eye glinting wildly. There was a time where Endive would have smiled back, but now he was consumed by guilt. That eye used to be so bright...and there used to be two of them...and she used to have two legs too...and...

He was the reason for the mania in that smile.

And, his heart reminded him as it lurched into his stomach, the reason that mania could come to kill him.

"I won't be here for long," Blueberry said, stopping in front of his desk. "I simply have some information I thought you might find useful."

"R...really?" Endive managed to say, his hand closing around the blaster at his waist. "What kind of information?"

"Oh..." Blueberry smiled again, and Endive's heart hurt again. "Just..."

She reached into her robe and pulled out a stack of papers, setting them on his desk with more force than was necessary. Endive flinched at the sound.

"Just a document on Red-Hair Samurai."