Super Shitniversary 6 (1/2 Years)

I'm not gonna lie, I- originally wasn't gonna write this, but- I have to

First of all... My Imperial Majesty, I'm aware you don't care but- I want you to know that I kept my promise, I swore I would, didn't I? even in my new school, even in a new city, and even on the other side of the world, I haven't replaced you, despite that we're not friends anymore, you're somehow still the best friend I'll ever have.

I'm so so sorry, I know there's no way I can make you know that, and I know it's way too late, but I am so incredibly sorry.

Do you- ever think about us? our friendship? that would be the one question I desperately want to ask you. I want to know if you ever, think fondly upon the times we spent together, if you'd agree that our friendship was something special. I think about it from time to time. Not that I regret ending it when it was hurting both of us, but that I regret ever letting it get to that point, I regret us letting it get to that point.

Even though I wish that we could still talk like we used to, even though I wish things were always how they once were, I do hope that you and PG have the best life ahead of the both of you, you of all people deserve it. Let's be honest I was never meant to be anything to anyone long term, I was never meant to be someone's person, whether friend or otherwise, but you are so so special.

If I had to be honest, I won't survive, I'll kill myself because what other goddamn choice do I have? I would never have been anything anyways. The reason I'm writing any of this is because before that happens I want to leave an impact on the world, in some way, I want to be remembered, even if it's in a theoretical space of code where it'll exist forever and seen by no one. But the end seems much more bearable, knowing that at least in part, you knew me, you, even in the smallest part knew who I was and I love you for that, you were the only person I could be honest to, and while I understand that I always trusted you more than you did me, I'm glad that you trusted me enough to be honest with me too. I'm glad that you will be a witness to who I really was, even though nobody else will be.

The silver lining I suppose is now I understand, I truly understand what it means to be truly alone, truly totally and completely alone. And I swear to Сергей, Краљ Камен, and every goddamn being in this world who'll listen that I will never take for granted a true friend as you were, someone who I will cherish for the rest of my life, and if I ever take anybody worth what you were and are for granted like I took you for granted, please shoot a bullet in my head before I do.

The thing is, I haven't been okay for a long time, longer than I care to remember. However when we parted- truly my life has just gotten disgustingly worse, since then I- I haven't been okay, when's the last time I've truly been happy? How many of those times that I've been even slightly happy have I not even then been eating myself up with worry, anxiety, how many of those times that I've been happy have I based that on how much I was starving myself.

I've forced myself to cut everything, everyone. Because I simply don't have the energy to fake it anymore.

This is the bottom, there's nowhere to go but up, and yet I'm still declining. It'd be hilarious if it wasn't miserable.

I'm sorry for going off topic but I guess if you want to know how I'm doing, there's that

In conclusion, My Comrade, My fellow gate, my Les Beans friend, my fellow madamoiselle hater, my crunch co-inventor, my fellow cult leader of Solar Fish... **My Imperial Majesty, I still love you**

**Always & Forever**

- **Your Вазал**