Glenn Close

This page contains possibly major spoilers for the events of the podcast. Scroll at your own risk.
**Glenn Close** is the Rock and Roll Bard Dad of the group. He is Nick Close’s dad. He is a widower due to the death of his former wife Morgan Freeman.

He is sucked through a portal into Faerûn together with Henry Oak, Darryl Wilson and Ron Stampler, and together they try to find their lost sons.

## Glenn Close

* Pre-Trial
* Post-Trial

### Relatives

Meryl Streep (grandfather)
Bill Close (father)
Morgan Freeman (wife)
Nick Close (son)
Taylor Swift (grandson)

### Affiliation

The Doodlers
Henry Oak-Garcia
Darryl Wilson
Ron Stampler
Glenn Close Trio (Formerly)

## Character Information

### Species

Human (formerly)
Demon

## Appearances

### Debut

Season 1 Episode 1 "A Man and His Handshake"

## Personality

Glenn is very laid-back and hard to agitate. He is the most amoral of the dads.

## Appearance

Glenn wears a Harley Davidson leather jacket, and seems to have at least somewhat long hair.

## History

### Initial Landing Arc

Glenn is introduced waiting for Darryl Wilson to give him and his son Nick a ride to Westrock Elementary soccer tournament. As Darryl arrives he notices that Nick is smoking Glenn's weed. At Darryl's insistence Glenn takes the blunt from Nick and they get in the car. Shortly after the car is pulled through a purple portal into Faerûn.

Upon finding his son is missing, Glenn says that he is a free spirit and probably around somewhere. After Darryl and Henry have panicked a bit, Glenn suggests they start looking for their kids, and gets up and calls AAA and 911. Shortly after the dads are attacked by three people in red cloaks. He gets hit with an axe so he runs into the car and commits two counts of vehicular manslaughter. Henry Entangles the final redcloak, whi introduces himself as Three. Three tells the dads that The Lance sold their children to slavery, but will have a log of where they are. Three agrees to take the dads to The Lance’s house in Phandalin.

The dads plan to trade Three for sons' location. Glenn holds three at knifepoint while Darryl takes out his hatchet, but The Lance shoots Three with a crossbow. The dads discuss other strategies and Henry excitedly suggests pretending to be a warparty or pretending to be emissaries from the Kingdom of Westrock, and having Glenn tell their story as a Wonderwall-cover. At the end Glenn starts playing Wonderwall and telling The Lance that they are emissaries from the Kingdom of Westrock. Darryl immediately interrupts him, saying they were supposed to be warriors. Henry interrupts Darryl by silencing him with a kiss. Glenn is bummed, since this is the first time his Wonderwall didn't work out.

Since their attempt fails, they offer The Lance Darryl’s Nokia with the Snake-game. The Lance doesn't care for the game, but as Ron mentions the loss of his dog who got bitten by a snake, The Lance seems to relent. Darryl attempts to persuade The Lance by showing him a picture of himself and Grant getting a puppy. However, as he mentions that Grant lost the puppy, The Lance grows furious and starts insulting Grant. Henry chimes in that they are trying to punish Grant, which is why they want to find him and then calms Darryl down with another kiss.

Darryl collects himself and makes a blood pact that binds the dads to eating Grant's skin when they meet him. The Lance shows Darryl Grant’s location. Then, as Darryl is speaking to The Lance, Darryl kisses Lance as a distraction and Henry successfully steals the page which lists their sons locations.

The dads leave The Lance’s house with the list. And discuss what to do. Darryl has to eat Grant's skin, Glenn thinks Nick'll be fine and Ron believes Terry Jr. is better off without him, so they decide to head to Lark and Sparrow in Neverwinter.

Henry knocks Glenn out with the sheer psychic pain of repeated dad jokes. The dads decide to sleep at the Wispy Woods Inn to recover. Hnery and Darryl go to investigat nearby commotion, while Ron stays with Glenn. They come back with a fairy dragon with bracelets called Gartok who is looking for his lost children.

Henry: [yelling] Ron, this is Gartok. He’s gonna come with us on our journey.
Gartok: I’m Gartok.
Ron: Okay, hey Gartok.
Glenn: [Only just waking up] What the fuck is that!?

They head to the Inn. Ron and Darryl scam Sweet Matilda into letting them stay the night in exchange for the beer they will deliver next day. Instead the dads and Gartok leave through the window.

They drive the van and stop by Gartok's children's hideout. Gartok mentions he cannot go inside but that he cannot explain, which causes one of the Gartok's bracelets fire up. Ron decides to try and take the bracelet off. This results in the death of one of Gartok's children who had been bound to the bracelet. Gartok attempts to kill Ron in retaliation, which doesn't go over well with the dads. Glenn intimidates Gartok to behave.

Glenn: —Point is, sorry about that, are you gonna be cool? I want you to stay cool, because if you don’t, we’ll take those other two bracelets right off of you. So stay cool.

The dads leave Gartok in the car. Glenn notices the door is trapped and tells the others as much. Eventually they find the two remaining dragon children weeping over the death of their brother. The dragon children reveal that Gartok has been keeping them enslaved, though it is not atypical of dragons. They encountered a man in a purple cloak, who allowed them to pull out of a Deck of Many Things and have Gartok put the bracelets on instead of them.

The dads decide they will put the bracelets back on Gartok but make them say other things that will force him to be a good dad. They argue about what makes a good dad and what they want to do for their children. Henry brings up values like love and honesty, Darryl brings up the Golden Rule, Glenn brings up allowing your kids to make their own mistakes and Ron brings up wanting Terry Jr. to never have to feel like Ron did at his age.

Eventually they agree on "Treat your kids like you’d wanna be treated and let your kids make their own decisions, within a certain boundary, until they're dragon adult age and do not buy store brand for toilet paper or mac and cheese."

They are interrupted by a time traveling Darryl from the future, who tells them to change some of the details.

They put the bracelets on Gartok and take Gartok to the children. Henry blurts out that they killed the dragons' sibling, but Gartok interrupts him, saying that it is his fault for treating his children like commodities.
The dads continue their journey and leave the dragons behind.

### Neverwinter Arc

The dads arrive outside Neverwinter and see a picture of the Doodler as drawn by Lark and Sparrow across the former banner of the city. Glenn suggests they intimidate the guards by honking the horn and dress up in leftover soccer jerseys to convince the guards that they are the emissaries of the Doodler. They successfully enter Neverwinter and take a short rest.

They wake up surrounded by guards. The guards mention the two previous emissaries, disappeared, seemingly turning into The Lord of Chaos. The guard directs the group to The Lord of Chaos, who is at Ankara the Entertaining's Pit of Myriad Delights.

The Pit of Myriad Delights has two pits, one for an orgies and another for fighting monsters

Sheriff David Boreanaz arrives to interrogate the group. He reveals the Doodler resembles an eldritch god worshipped by a cult he's a part of, and that with the Lord of Chaos they are attempting to bring the Doodler to this world. He suggests proving worthiness in the fighting pit, which may draw the eye of the Lord of Chaos, who in turn may know where Lark and Sparrow are. The group prepares for combat and Henry suggests getting naked to invoke chaos. Darryl, Glenn, and Henry strip down Ron is wearing several layers of clothing underneath, and only takes off the topmost one.

Lark and Sparrow reveal themselves to be the Lord of Chaos. Lark requests guards to move the dads to the dungeon, and Henry, Darryl and Ron get knocked unconscious. Glenn sees this and surrenders instead, and so sees the group be taken to a tower with an elevator. The twins take elevator up, guards take dads down to prison, still naked.

Ron discovers a discolored brick in his cell with runes sayin “I’m Hungry.” Ron responds, “Hi Hungry, I’m dad.”, and frees all dads with the exception of Henry. Henry's cell remains locked with runes saying “This is your fault.” Darryl chases Lark and Sparrow after being freed, Glenn fights a guard, Ron hides in his pants. Glenn helps a shapeshifting murderer called Everything escape her cell. Darryl accidentally spares a lizard man.

More guards arrive andDarryl then pretends to be the "Dad of Chaos," and intimidates guards to release Henry. Lark and Sparrow agree to start the ceremony separately. Sparrow heads to the elevator to summon The Doodler without Lark. Henry chases after Sparrow.

The remaining dads work on gathering their strength for escape. They stuff Lark in a cell for the time being. Darryl frees a man-sized snake through an attempted handshake. Everything joins them in their escape attempt and guides them to the armory, where they retrieve their weapons. Glenn also picks up a nunchaku. Each dad gets an item, Darryl gets Perfume of Bewitching, Ron gets Hat of Vermin, Glenn gets Alchemy Jug, and is specifically noted to produce LSD on it. Darryl also gets a bag of magic beans. They then proceed upwards towards Henry and Sparrow.

Henry and Sparrow are fighting Sheriff Boreanaz. Henry attempts to escape with the elevator but is pursued by Boreanaz and several guards. When the other dads reach them, Darryl drops the Bag of Beans down the elevator shaft, and four beans spill out, creating eggs, a geysir of apple juice, pink toads, and a 60x60ft pyramid which begins to crush the tower under its weight. Ron and Darryl start to fall. Ron pulls out sticky frogs out of the hat of vermin and manages to climb down safely. Glenn saves Darryl by reaching out with his nunchaku.

The tower is reduced to rubble. Glenn accidentally hits himself with nunchucks trying to intimidate Boreanaz. The dads realize that since Lark was underground in the prison he must be under the rubble. With the help of the people from the orgy pit Lark is rescued. The town starts to erupt into chaos the group rushes to the Honda Odyssey. They are joined by the lizard man, Cern.

Sparrow’s eyes suddenly glow with purple and he is taken over by an ominous voice, calling Henry unworthy as a father. As Lark and Sparrow fade out of existence, Sparrow asks if he did good.

## Relationships

### Nick Close

Nick and Glenn have a complicated relationship. They care for each other greatly, but Glenn fails to act as a responsible father figure never having had one himself. Nick on the other hand wants to impress Glenn, going as far as to smoke weed despite not liking it himself.

### Bill Close

Bill was an absent father, and though he held some affection for Glenn, he did not enforce boundaries, leaving Glenn to figure things out himself. Glenn does not see anything wrong with Bill's parenting, and to a degree acts similarly with Nick.

## Dad Facts

* Ep1: Played on the side stages of Bonnaroo in 1997 with the Glenn Close Trio, a dad-rock cover band.
* Ep2: Bummed that his Wonderwall cover didn’t work out in episode 1, because it worked for him every time beforehand.
* Ep3: He plays an acoustic guitar of indeterminate brand and origin.
* Ep4: He’s the lead singer of Dissonant Whispers.
* Ep5: Only 50% sure on the truth of moon landings.
* Ep6: Very anal about karaoke etiquette.
* Ep7: Knows Japanese in preparation for a show in Budokan that never happened.
* Ep8: Has only done $15 total in damages to a hotel, when he stole a wine uncorker.
* Ep9: He graduated from the University of Texas International (UTI).
* Ep10: The Glenn Close Trio plays jazz-fusion Christmas music.
* Ep11: He is able to mimic other accents due to his worldly tours. (Actor feat)
* Ep12: His favorite dad joke is as follows: Why do scuba divers fall backwards when they’re diving into the water? Because if they fell forward, they’d just fall into the boat.
* Ep13: Would have stormed Area 51 if he was able to.
* Ep14: Glenn goes out of his way to visit Roswell, New Mexico every time he goes on tour.
* Ep15: The only “dating app” Glenn has is guacamole on first dates.
* Ep16: His favorite Star Wars movie is Attack of the Clones.
* Ep17: His favorite game is Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2.
* Ep18: His hot take on the 3 UFO videos released by Tom DeLonge of Blink-182 is that they could be explained by a stationary balloon, a jet, or some kind of passenger airplane. He is more concerned about why Tom DeLonge is working for the government to put this “interference” out.
* Ep19: Glenn refers to Wendy’s as “Big Dubs”
* Ep20: Glenn hates Christmas.
* Ep21: Glenn tried to start an ASMR youtube channel, and he failed because he took it too literally- “imagine you’re a rode broadcast mic pop cover in my hands…”
* Ep22: Glenn has never put on virtual reality goggles. He believes they’re the gateway to mind control.
* Ep23: Glenn is canonically the most wealthy of all the dads, him and the Glenn Close Trio once did a gig at a Silicon Valley Startup and they paid them in bitcoin. Glenn threw it away.
* Ep24: Glenn took a DNA test once and found out it gets sent to the government. Glenn also believes encoded in his DNA is the secret to true rock and roll stardom.
* Ep25: Glenn is a hardcore Disney fan
* Ep26: Glenn’s favorite Disneyland ride is Autopia, because the fumes cover up the smell of kush.
* Ep27: Glenn gets the hiccups, which sometimes affects his concerts. He once had to play a 30 minute jingle bell solo waiting for his hiccups to die down.
* Ep28: Every year, Glenn puts a DJI Phantom drone on his Christmas list for Nick to buy him. This is because Glenn has a skewed idea of how much money Nick can get selling laser pointers.
* Ep29: Glenn’s dad, Bill, was a session musician and the two of them both refer to their home as the Crash Pad.
* Ep30: Glenn has an only fans where he just has guitar tips.
* Ep31: The first band Glenn was in was Bart and the Good Time Boys led by Bartholomew ‘Bart’ Samson.
* Ep32: Glenn has his own line of guitar pedals, “Glenn Tone,” which are just rebranded TS808s. He has sold zero.
* Ep33: Glenn has attempted to grow his own weed but never got the correct light bulbs.
* Ep34: Glenn never understood the PlayStation versus Xbox argument because, by his reasoning, you can just buy both.
* Ep35: If Glenn’s career explodes on him, he believes he could become a long haul trucker.
* Ep36: Glenn “played football” in high school aka, he sold weed to the quarterback of the football team.
* Ep37: Glenn has one tattoo. It's a tramp stamp and says “sin” with Christmas ivy
* Ep38: Glenn thinks nobody should wear a mask…unless they’re being recorded potentially doing something illegal…which in our modern surveillance society, means Glenn thinks people should always wear masks. “But! Only in public…and in the bedroom”
* Ep39: Glenn's favorite store in the mall is the Brookstone/Sharper Image store because of their massage chairs. His pre-show routine includes getting Auntie Annie’s pretzels and getting a massage.
* Ep40: Glenn's favorite vegetable is deep fried vegetables. French fries, for example, are vegetables.
* Ep41: Glenn is a hot sauce guy, he makes his own he calls Rancho Bandito sauce which is buttermilk ranch and some kind of hot sauce.
* Ep42: Glenn once played a gig playing from the toilet in an outdoor mall after making a bad decision and eating a hot dog on a stick and a lemonade right before he went on.
* Ep43: Glenn can fall asleep standing up
* Ep44: Glenn's lifetime blackjack earnings is negative $7000, but positive 12 M&Ms
* Ep45: Glenn wants to reenact the film Flatliners but has found no doctor or SMT who would allow him to.
* Ep46: Glenn has conflated the movies Scent of a Woman and A Few Good Men in his mind.
* Ep47: Glenn is super into hand lotions.
* Ep48: Glenn and a guy he met in Modesto he names “The Sandman”, Glenn and The Sandman look relatively similar. Whenever either of them get in legal trouble, they say it's each other and it's enough to get their charges dropped.
* Ep49: Glenn’s New Years resolution is to continue “fucking kicking ass 24/7 baby!”
* Ep50: Glenn tries to time himself on his toilet flush to when he finishes peeing.
* Ep51: The first time Glenn ever smoked a cigarette was to show Nick how cool it was.
* Ep52: Glenn would never abuse the CB radio waves.
* Ep53: Glenn had a three year period where he was locked in mortal combat with a band called the Ben Rose Christmas Quartet. They sabotage each other and let’s just say the BRCQ is doing mostly wedding gigs now.
* Ep54: He used to read books to Nick as a kid. Books like rock and roll biographies, like the Mötley Crüe one or the Patti Smith one.
* Ep55: Glenn has never heard of any of the books they talked about last episode.
* Ep56: (via Jimmy) Glenn thinks the best gig in the world to play is in a casino for three reasons. 1: they pay the best. 2: you get endless comps. 3: if someone wins big while you’re playing, it's a double win for them. An audience delight.
* Ep57: (Via Will) When Glenn was 24 he was abducted by aliens and had a mind blowing terrestrial adventure. He woke up two weeks later in the desert and chalked the whole thing up to a bad acid trip.
* Ep58: Glenn has an eight pack, but he also counts his pecs as his abs. The other two he calls “the Danglers”
* Ep59: Glenn learned the hard way not to play Gold Digger by Kanye West at a wedding.
* Ep60: Glenn got into DJing when turntable-ism was super hot. So he got good at doing the “wiki wiki” noises.
* Ep61: Glenn's favorite Disney World attraction was Adventure Through Inner Space.
* Ep62: Glenn has no idea how to cook anything aside from back of the box instructions, but he’s watched enough Youtube in a half-baked state to fake that he sounds like he knows things.
* Ep63: Glenn is a member of the AARP.
* Ep64: Glenn claims he created Bitcoin.
* Ep65: Every single time someone mentions Primer on the show, Glenn goes “Primer, I hardly know her!”
* Ep66: Glenn thinks he has the same power as Sting, who “knows how to engage in tantric sex for hours.” He does not have this power.
* Ep67: Glenn starts every podcast from the beginning.
* Ep68: His last thought before he died was “ooh, ah, yeah that hurts.” This was later changed by Freddie to be “Well, I’m going out on top. Best dad. I’m the best dad.”

## Trivia

* He shares a name with acting extraordinaire Glenn Close.
* He carries a Kershaw Everyday Carry pocket knife.
* Glenn has proficiency in land vehicles because he drove the Glenn Close Trio tour bus, and can drive several types of vehicles.
* Like his grandson Taylor Swift, Glenn is very into "mall ninja shit".
* Glenn was created using the Shifter stats.