Ray's One-Shot

*The night of May 17th, 6804*

Dear Mom and Dad,

You won't believe the crazy stuff that's happened in the last day. First of all, I got the internship! The Stormguard seem pretty nice, at least most of them. I'm pretty sure they know what they're doing.

To celebrate, they had me drink a bunch of alcohol. It was a little weird since no one else was drinking, but maybe thats just an intern tradition. I didn't feel so good, so this nice foreign guy with a spear gave me a bucket. I assured him that, as a master conjurer, I could summon a bucket of my own at will.

Next thing I remember, I and a bunch of the other Stormguard folks (Priestly person, Purple lady, sword boy, and knight man) all woke up in a bunch of weird rooms. We all had buckets for some reason. I conjured my extra one to be safe. We busted open another locked door and found a woman that called herself Deena. We walked like 10 feet and Deena was dragged into a watery chasm by some tentacles. Oof.

We managed to fight our way over the tentacly chasm. It was honestly a little more tedious than anything, since the tentacles were mostly a mild inconvenience. I put a bunch to sleep somehow but more kept popping up by some unfathomable logic. Eventually we made it past and entered another room.

This room had a large mirror, several paintings, and a big rug. My bosses were immediately suspicious of the mirror, but that turned out to be the only object in the room that wasn't possessed. The rug enveloped knight man, and we had to collateral damage him until the carpet stopped being alive. Priestly tried to cut a painting, which apparently pissed the painting off and caused it to attempt to murder him. After killing two painting ghosts the remaining two got real sad because apparently we killed their parents or something. Art is subjective though, so I don't really believe them.

After a quick catnap we went to a room full of corpses. There were two "survivors" that the Stormguard started arguing with, so I helped myself to a little blood while they were bickering (I know you don't encourage the whole demon summoning thing, but just having the blood can't hurt. It's not like anyone else was using it.)

Turns out the two survivors were Oni in disguise. Oni are terrifying, so I used the blood to summon Barry the Barlgura from the infinite layers of the Abyss. He lasted like twelve seconds, but distracted the Oni from murdering my new employers. We managed to defeat the evil monsters, and after another catnap moved on to the next room.

We entered a huge subterranean chamber with a floor of glass over dark water. There were like 16 people inside in cool high chairs, but I can't remember all of them. Their leader told us about their cool spy organization, which apparently music mask man is a part of. They challenged us to prove our trustworthiness by killing a monster, which I honestly don't think is the best metric for that. We chose to fight an aboleth, which may not have been the smartest move on our part. I summoned Barry II, but then got charmed by the aboleth and was convinced that I should kill my new bosses. I told Barry to kill them all! But it turns out I had lost control over him seconds before, so really it wasn't much of a difference.

Priestly snapped me out of my trance by covering me with third degree burns. Knight man made the burns go away, but not the emotional trauma. We teamworked the aboleth to death by exploding it repeatedly.

The council of bards seemed impressed with us, so they gave us cool necklaces. Then they told us that this was all a dream (though we still totally could have died.) They sent us back to the waking world, and the adventure was over!

All of this is just to say that I'm finally moving out. The Stormguard have really cool living quarters that they've invited me to crash in! I'll be doing intern work pretty much every waking moment of my life, but I'll actually be paid once in a while! Everything is gong so much better than expected.

Your loving "son",

Newt