The Beautiful Place - Chapter Five

> "*Crouching Tiger, Pissed off Drag Queen.*"
> ― Fraya Love
>
>

**A Taste of the Taint** is the forty-first episode of Queens of Adventure. It features the final day of Glamazon training, which includes a historical battle.

## Synopsis

With ten days until the Kracken reaches the island, the queens head into their last day of Glamazon training the morning after the festival.

The Glamadrone is now empty, and they are greeted by Remoulade. She shows the queens the armor crafted specifically for them. Butylene takes some leather armor. A breastplate fits Arson's form. Fraya finds a mother of pearl plate armor, which reminds her of the high priests of Oceanica. Irene is better without armor, but finds an iridescent jock strap.

The trainer takes them to a rack of gliders, and puts them all through their last glider training. Butylene and Irene sail beautifully through the air to the platforms. Arson and Fraya bonk into the platforms. Remoulade declares them almost ready for a solo flight outside, but first they need to complete the combat challenge.

In the challenge they will be put into another historical scenario. They can't die, but can be hurt. They need to use as many different kinds of actions, reactions, and bonus actions. The queens will be playing as Battle Maidens of House of Wunderbred.

The mist rises around them before becoming the theater of Wunderbred Manor, causing some panic and stress for some of the queens. It is less gleaming and new as it was on their first day of training. The audience where they sit are in pantsuits, avocado dresses, and feather boas, and murmur worriedly. On stage Edith in a tall wig and Brioche in her locket stand, looking older than last time. Fraya now recognizes Edith and thinks she recognizes the necklace.

Edith explains the Taint continues to spread, so they have paid for passage for everyone to a new home they can build together.

Three hulking figures wrapped in dark mist burst through the doors. As Brioche worries they are too late, Edith calls the Battle Maidens to action while the others escape to the ship. Everyone in the audience but the party rush onto the stage and out to safety. The heads of the house say they will summon help while the party holds off the monsters.

Preparing for battle, the queens see the three hulking figures and two more wispy figures behind them. Arson leads with a hex on one of the shadowing brutes before attacking with her pact weapon twice with her *thirsting blade*. The attacks destroy the monster.

Butylene runs parallel to the stage, and uses an *arcane venom* bomb at the two remaining large figures. The venom casts *ray of enfeeblement* on the brute and the willowy figure. Those willowy figures stretch out their arms. One points at Butylene and the other at Fraya. Shadows gather from around the room and attack each of them. Drawing her new javelin of lightning, Irene throws it at the same two monsters Butylene targeted. The lightning bolts slams through the hulking figure before reducing the willowy one behind it to smoke. Irene then goes into a barbarian rage.

On the stage, the sisters continue their spell. From the sides of the stage, pieces of mannequins begin to approach them and swirl together. Fraya and Butylene worry it might be a mannequeen.

Fraya keeps the battle going by casting *guiding bolt*, which misses. The brutes move, one attacking Arson with a nat20. She retaliates with *hellish rebuke*. Eldritch flames engulf it, consuming the whole monster. The other brute moves towards Fraya, but she dodges the attack against her. Arson places *Samantha's Curse* on the brute attacking her friend before changing her pact weapon into a cross bow to attack it. Two arcane bolts slam into the brute, blasting it apart,

Butylene sees there is only one monster, a willowy one, left, so she decides to crouch in the front row and prepare a venom on a blow dart and will attack anything that attacks the ladies on the stage. More magic weaves the wigs and mannequin parts together.

The last monster attacks Fraya with another shadow attack as it moves into the room. Irene moves closer to it, but can't get into melee range, so she throws her javelin and hand axe at it. The first punctures through it, the later hangs in its chest.

The summoning spell finishes, forming a Lashes, the same kind of monster the queens fought in their first visit to the mansion. It throws out a projectile of wigs and debris twice. The barrages leave the Shadow Caster barely hanging on.

Fraya, reminiscent of how she lost her first one, throws her trident. The monster dies as the trident sticks into the back wall of the theater.

The sisters open their eyes. Behind them, a dark swirl forms in the shadows of the stage. A figure moves through it and floats up behind Brioche. It is wearing a gown made of black feathers that wrap around her body and dark purple makeup. She leans in and whispers into Brioche's ear. The sister's head drops, and when it raises, her eyes are black. Dark tendrils begin to weave into her hair. The same dark tendrils begin to weave through Lashes, who now turns to attack Butylene.

The alchemist fires her prepared blow dart at the figure behind Brioche. The dart lands, inflicting *crown of madness* on the newcomer. Edith looks at her sister and the newcomer and gasps, "Oh no. No it can't be. Malady!"

Cackling, Malady prepares to attack, but Butylene commands her to attack Lashes. Flees begin to infest the drag golem, but Malady breaks free from the crown of madness. Edith begins to panic.

Arson moves her hex onto Malady and prepares her crossbow, ready to fire if Butylene attacks something. Butylene hurls a *firebolt,* engulfing Lashes. Flaming fleas jump out as Arson's attacks fire. Only one lands.

Irene, out of throwable weapons, dashes through the seats, clawing through them and onto the stage, next to Lashes. She tries to use her *hungry jaws* but fails to land the bite.

Edith runs to Brioche and tries to shake her sister out of it as Lashes moves to grapple Irene. The lizardfolk is engulfed by the hair of the monster as she is pulled inside. Lashes then tries to whip Butylene, but crit fails.

Fraya casts *bane* on Malady, Brioche, and Lashes, but Brioche resits. She then casts *Sanctuary* on Irene to help her friend escape.

Malady cackles again, and says soon she'll have all of Edith's queens. She drops into a shadow and rises up out of Fraya's shadow. In her grasp, a bone, claw, and feather blade appears. Her attack would have hit but for Fraya's bane. Frustrated, Malady drops into the shadow and Fraya misses on a bitch slap against her. Next to Arson, Malady reappears, swiping with her sword, missing badly. Grumbling, she tries to infest Arson with fleas, but she shakes it off. As Malady flees into a shadow, Arson switches her pact weapon into a vibrating mallet she slams down on her.

Malady reappears onstage and grabs onto Lashes. Arson does a shablam to grant Irene help on her next saving throw. Butylene who has been watching all of this, dashes across stage and touches Irene to grant her *dragon's breath*. As she slows down she does a slow split to show up Arson and give side eye to Malady.

Irene, realizing she has rage resistance to damage, and sanctuary, and help, and dragon's breath, takes out her great ax, sticks it out of Lashes and slams the ax into the monster's face. The attack fails, so she launches her *dragon's breath* aiming at both Lashes and Malady. The fire shoots out of Lashes who goes up in flames, and begins to come undone around Irene.

Edith puts her hand to her head, readying an action. Lashes fails to crush Irene, and fails to lash out at Butylene thanks to the bane. It tries to blast Fraya with bits and pieces of drag equipment, who vogues out of the way. After her dance, Fraya *calls lightning* on Lashes, knowing Irene would have reduced damage. It hits Lashes and Malady hard. The construct finally collapses, freeing Irene.

Malady drops to one knee and says "You can't beat the Taint." More shadowy creatures begin to emerge all around them, surrounding them all over the creature.

Edith, her wig glowing, says "Not if I can stop you." A blast throws the party to the rear of the theater as a *wall of force,* the Fourth Wallcovers the theater presidium, trapping Edith and Malady on stage. The simulation ends.

The group looks up at Remoulade, who says few trainees have manged to beat Mega Lashes. Fraya declares they've done it before. The trainer says they did a great job, and have earned an upgrade, plus certification in glider piloting. Arson gains an increase to attack and damage when out of spell slots. Fraya gains advantage on saving rolls when fully immersed in water. Butylene can use her arcane venoms one more time. Irene's Strength increases.

As sun sets over Fire Island, knowing they now have ten days left to save the island, the queens take their first glider flight over the city of Glamalala. Arson passes by a classroom window and one of the kids points out they met her. She waves.

Out on the ziggurat, the queens can barely see shapes scuttle up onto the central island. A horn blares within Glamalala.

### Characters

#### Party

* Arson Nicki - drider warlock
* Butylene O'Kipple - tiefling alchemist
* Fraya Love - water genasi cleric
* Irene Dubois - lizardfolk barbarian

#### NPCs

* Remoulade
* Lady Edith Wunderbred (illusion)
* Brioche Wunderbred (illusion)
* Malady (debut) (illusion)
* Drider Fan Kid

#### Monsters/Enemies

* Shadow Brutes (illusion)
* Shadow Casters (illusion)
* Lashes (illusion)

## Episode Notes

### Lore

* The Great Houses have 'Battle Maidens', trained warriors who defend their houses.
* At the end of the Age of Queens, the spreading Taint came for House Wunderbred, A figure named Malady was leading the attack.

### Inspiration Earned

* Arson - a bs answer about Arson's leadership and legs - from Butylene
* Irene - choosing to attack instead of break free - from Arson

### Memorable Quotes

* "What does improvise mean?" - Fraya Love
* "This could either be real awesome or just Oooh Sparkles." - Butylene O'Kipple
* "I got so enthralled watching that whispy guy die..." - Irene Dubois
* "Arson, don't put anything on your head this time." - Butylene O'Kipple
* "It's fine. She's fine. She's got things up her... sleeves. All eight of them." - Fraya Love
* "Arson anything else you- Oh that wasn't even your turn." - DM Matt
* "I just got it. Eat the Wunderbred. I'm leaving." - "Fraya, so nice of you to join us." - Fraya Love and Arson Nicki
* "It's psychological, do I need to roll for that?" - Butylene O'Kipple
* "I'm sorry, feathers? So is she trying to tickle me?" - Fraya Love
* "I don't do bugs." - "That's Fraya's intro at the next live show." - Fraya Love and Arson Nicki
* "It says I can touch one willing creature and give them the ability to spew energy from their mouth. I assume she has one since she doesn't stop talking." - Butylene O'Kipple
* "I knew not brushing my teeth before bed would have it's benefits." - Irene Dubois
* "Plot twist, I am the Pomeranian." - Irene Dubois
* "This was all a PTSD dream, and I need to take a nap." - Fraya Love

### References

* Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
* Kill Bill - "If any of you have anything else to say..."
* Tatiana - See me with them hands
* Pulp Fiction - Mia Wallace
* Moby Dick - From Hell's Heart I stab at thee
* Stanky the Starfish
* Candyman
* Witch Hazel
* Bane - Batman
* Sean Connery
* Tickle-Me-Elmo
* The Mummy
* Hole in the Wall
* Carmen Sandiego

## Behind the Queens

* DM Matt announces an upcoming live stream for August 18th and live shows on August 28th at Kremwork and September 1st at PAX West Convention.

**Greetings From Fire Island**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - **The Show Must Go On**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Operation Watersport**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6 - Ch7 - **Trials**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Ghosts of the Coast**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - **The Devil's Due**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Special**: The Story So Far
**The Beautiful Place**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - **Ch5** - Ch6 - **A Dance in the Dark**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Drama in the Deep**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6 - **Whispers From the Heart**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6
**Danger Rangers!**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6
**Mist Connections**: Ch1 - Ch2
**Unreleased**
Lost: Camp Crystal Light - Pax West 2018 --  vs the Lizard People
Live Shows: Seattle Style -- Minneapolis Style