Chapter One

*(In Avis’s greenhouse… Amid the bizarre collection of otherworldly plants, Avis himself is knelt by a bed of toxic daisies, uprooting them with his gloved hands and placing them in disposable cartons… Vladek is sitting at a table, plucking the flower heads off of the plants and separating them from the stems…)*

Vladek: And… Why did your client order the toxic daisies to be like this?

Avis: He’s a chef trying new recipes out! A creative type, he is.

Vladek: \***closely looks at a flower that’s rapidly changing colors\*** Yeah, it sure is creative to try to eat something considered toxic.

Avis: I named them “toxic daisies” because their changing colors ward off predators.

Vladek: And everyone else. \***a bee flies up to a toxic daisy, hovers, and then decides to fly away**\* Are you sure God doesn’t want these things dead?

Avis: \***chuckles**\* Hey, this is the biggest sale I’ve had in a long time. I’m going to use the money to commission a phonograph!

Vladek: A what now?

Avis: A machine that can play sound!

Vladek: … \***blank stare\*** A what now?

Avis: It’s like-- It’s like… \***takes his dirty gloves off and clumsily gestures with his hands**\* Like imagine that you hear an orchestra right in your living room! It’s a machine that can make that possible!

Vladek: Hmm… I know about audio engravings, but I never knew that there were machines to convert them back into sound.

Avis: Well, there are! And there’s an artist here in Limerence who makes them. When we’re done harvesting that carton of daisies, why don’t you come with me to visit her?

Vladek: Sure, I’d love to. \***a strange bug about the size of a bee flies about Vladek’s head**\* What the-- \***he looks closer at it. It doesn’t look like any insect he recognizes-- it’s brass-toned with very long antennae and only four legs, with dragonfly-like, fluttering wings**\* What kind of bug is that, Avis?

Avis: \***looks just as it flies away**\* What bug?

Vladek: ...Never mind.

Avis: \***puts his gloves back on**\* Anyway, as soon as we’re done here, we’ll get some mauve mathildas to bring to my friend.

Vladek: Which ones are the mauve mathildas again?

Avis: The purple ones with the tongues.

Vladek: Oh yes. How could I forget…

Avis: Her name is Roxie Martin, and she’s a very established artist in Limerence.

Vladek: Wait, is she the one who replaced the water in City Hall’s fountain with deadly snakes?

Avis: Yep!

Vladek: \***rolls his eyes**\* Truly a creative genius among us.

*(Later, at Roxie’s home… It’s painfully modern; shaped like a perfect white cube. The roof hangs over a bit, made from different kinds of wood that give it a patchwork effect…)*

Vladek: \***stares at the bizarre structure**\* Seriously, what year is it?

Avis: \***looks at his watch**\* It’s a little past 1834. \***he knocks on the door**\*

Roxie: \***answers. She’s… Odd-looking, to say the least. She has very long, draping, black hair that covers some of her face and all of her ears. She’s wearing a read sweater-jacket over a black jumpsuit and knee-high black boots that have white 4-inch platforms on them. The strangest thing she’s wearing are her sunglasses-- they have a third lens on them that’s positioned in the middle, covering part of her forehead in darkness**\* Hello, Dr. Garfield. \***her voice is deep and monotonous**\* Hello, tall man.

Vladek: …

Avis: \***excited\*** Hiya, Roxie! \***he holds up his bouquet of mauve mathildas, their tongues squiggling all over the place like tentacles**\* These are for you!

Roxie: \***takes them. Even though she’s speaking monotone and not smiling, she does seem happy to receive the flowers**\* How thoughtful. Thank you.

Avis: Oh, and uh, this is my friend, Vladek Fray!

Vladek: \***looks down and waves**\*

Roxie: \***looks up at Vladek’s face with her concealed eyes**\* Hello, Vladek Fray.

Vladek: Why are you wearing sunglasses in your home?

Avis: \***nudges Vladek and whispers**\* It’s part of her mystique!

Roxie: It’s part of my mystique. Please come in. \***she turns and silently walks in as Avis and Vladek follow behind her**\*

*(In Roxie’s living room… There’s bizarre artwork throughout the house. Abstract sculptures of various sizes, paintings that appear to be based on human organs and anatomy, and, of course, strange plants from Avis’s greenhouse are found throughout the dimly-lit home…)*

Roxie: \***places the mathildas on the coffee table**\*

Avis: You don’t need to water them, but make sure they get raw meat twice a week. \***Vladek swallows down vomit**\* I find that they prefer frog or squirrel meat. \***Vladek swallows down a larger quantity of vomit**\*

Roxie: Very dry. Thank you.

Avis: You’re welcome!

Vladek: “Dry?”

Avis: \***whispers**\* It means she likes it. “Dry.” Things that are “dry” are good!

Roxie: \***to Avis**\* I am sorry to say I have not yet begun work on your phonograph. I’ve been so very busy with my gallery downtown.

Avis: Well that’s okay! I know you’re busy.

Roxie: \***sits in a vinyl chair**\*

Avis: \***sits down on the couch, which is actually a hard, metal, red bench**\*

Vladek: \***joins him, relieved that he’s not too big for it**\*

Roxie: I have the materials for it, though. \***long pause as Roxie says nothing**\*

Vladek: Uh--

Avis: Shh. The pause is part of her art.

Vladek: Oh.

Roxie: \***after another minute, she speaks again**\* Tell me more about the culinary uses for your plants.

Avis: Oh! Sure! So, there’s the crescent flora. It tastes like a peach and a strawberry in one-- what’s not to like? I mean, other than the fact that’s extremely poisonous. \***chuckles as that same strange bug flies out from the mathilda and buzzes around Vladek’s head again**\*

Vladek: …? Hello again. \***he watches it flutter around him and go down a dark hallway-- where it illuminates blue**\* !!! \***he instantly gets up and follows it**\*

Roxie: \***watches\*** …?

Avis: Don’t mind him. He uh… Has digestive issues. Anyway, I think there’s culinary properties to the carnivorous Wendy, the only problem is that the carnivorous Wendy thinks the same thing about humans! \***chuckles**\*

Roxie: \***seemingly blank stare\*** That’s funny.

Avis: I knew you’d think so. Also, hydratas. You can make a drink that tastes like lemonade from them, with none of the sugar! Or taste!

(Upstairs… Vladek follows the bug to a window. He walks past more bizarre artwork until he finally gets close to it…)

Vladek: \***watches the bug land on the windowsill. Vladek immediately closes the window**\* Hey, buddy… I’m here to find out exactly what you are. \***he takes a set of tweezers from his utility belt and uses them to very carefully pick the bug up. He then takes his magnifying glass from his belt and looks at the bug. He discovers that it’s made of metal-- and has a stamp of some kind of logo on its belly.**\* What… What is that? \***suddenly the bug makes a horrible beeping noise and begins flashing red**\* AHH! \***he drops it, and it falls to the floor, where it explodes into smoke**\* Ugh… \***coughs**\*

(Back in the living room…)

Avis: ...And if you’re wondering how I knew that the fruits of the crescent flora were poisonous… Well, I left on the expedition with four other men. I came home with three. \***Vladek re-enters the room with soot on his face\***

Roxie: !!! \***stands up**\* What happened to you, Vladek Fray?

Vladek: \***coughs**\* Nothing. Allergies.

Avis: Did you break something?!

Vladek: No, I’m fine--

Avis: I meant something of Roxie’s! There’s a lot of valuable art in here you know!

Roxie: Perhaps you and Vladek Fray should leave. He might need some rest.

Vladek: \***coughs**\*

Avis: I agree. \***he stands up and gently puts a hand on Vladek’s back**\* C’mon, let’s get you home.

Vladek: I really am fine-- But I need to-- \***coughs**\* Talk to you about this-- this-- bug I found--

Avis: Shh. We’ll talk all about the big scary bug at home.

Vladek: It wasn’t scary, it was just--

Roxie: Thank you again for the mathildas. It was nice to meet you, Vladek Fray. You’re very dry.

Vladek: ...Thanks.

(In Avis’s mansion… Vladek lies down on his bed as Avis paces the room…)

Avis: A bug made of metal?

Vladek: \***coughs**\* Yeah.

Avis: Impossible. Who could manufacture a machine that tiny?

Vladek: I don’t know. You usually have a more active imagination than I do.

Avis: And it was glowing?

Vladek: First blue, then red.

Avis: I’m trying to think of the machinists in the area… I can’t think of one that makes tiny metal bugs.

Vladek: It’s weird how-- \***coughs**\* Tired it made me all of a sudden…

Avis: How are you feeling?

Vladek: I’m okay. You were right about eating the celestial roses-- cooled my throat right down.

Avis: Those were ice cubes actually.

Vladek: Well, they still worked.

Avis: If you’d like, we can write a bulletin to the Great Minds organization about the bug. Maybe someone else has seen it.

Vladek: I hope they have. Because it kind of exploded.

Avis: ...Oh.

Vladek: But maybe there’s more of them.

Avis: If your miniature machines exist, than I can assure you we will find them! Also, you never even said anything about my new shirt!

Vladek: \***coughs**\* It looks dry.