Dust and Scrub, Scrub and Dust

***Dust and Scrub, Scrub and Dust*** is the title of the first chapter of Belinda Blinked 6, and is the chapter covered in the first episode of the sixth season of *My Dad Wrote a Porno*, released on 24 May 2021.

## Description

*Jamie, Alice and James return to open book six of Rocky Flintstone's erotic saga, 'Belinda Blinked', and discover what has become of our eponymous heroine.*

## Featured Characters

*(In order of appearance):*

* Toffee Apple Chew
* James Spooner (mentioned only)
* Bella Ridley
* Charlene Spooner (first appearance)
* Beryl Spooner (first appearance)
* Jocasta
* Russian Minister of Propaganda (first appearance)
* Grand High Prince of Lichtenstein (first appearance)
* Milkmaid (first appearance)
* Queen Elizabeth II (first appearance)
* Deputy CEO of Bisch-Herstellung Enterprises (mentioned only)
* Belinda Blumenthal
* George Sylvester
* Herr Wolfgang Bisch
* Giselle Sylvester (mentioned only)
* Des Martin
* Sir James Godwin (mentioned only)
* Tony Sylvester (mentioned only)
* Professor Slinz (mentioned only)
* Anabelle Godwin (mentioned only)
* Hunter Roux (mentioned only)

## Featured Locations

* Westminster Abbey (first appearance)
* Gretna Green (mentioned only)
* Russia (mentioned only)
* Lichtenstein (mentioned only)
* The Scrub and Dust, Australia
* Steele's Pots and Pans Headquarters, London
* East Berlin (mentioned only)
* The Bahamas (mentioned only)

## Introduction

*Prior to starting the chapter, Team Porno discuss:*

* What has happened in the year and a half since the end of Season 5
* Alice's sesame seed cookies she baked and her art of flowers and nude women
* Jamie's NVQ in life drawing he did in Year 10 or 11
* James recapping the final episodes of Season 5 in (about) 30 seconds

## Synopsis

The chapter opens at James Spooner's funeral at Westminster Abbey, with Toffee Apple Chew pulling the coach in her solemn rosette. As the carriage goes past the many London mourners play Mozart's *Requiem* on their spoons. Bella, blowing every emotion out of her nose, is the chief mourner as decided by Spooner's will, which dictated that the mourners would proceed in the order he had last ravaged them, prompting bitterness among his many ex-wives including Charlene and Beryl Spooner. The stuffy commentators of BB3 News covering the funeral reveal that Bella has become International Sales Director of Steele's Pots and Pans, replacing Belinda who was presumed dead after being kidnapped in a hot air balloon by George Sylvester and Herr Bisch, as the matter had been forgotten after the Deputy CEO of Bisch-Herstellung was unable to help the Australian authorities rescue Belinda. Also among the mourners are the Russian Minister of Propaganda (the 'Goryachaya Zadnitsa' or 'hot ass' of global politics), the Grand High Prince of Lichtenstein, a milkmaid and Queen Elizabeth II herself, who delivers the eulogy. It is also revealed that Spooner was Laird (the Scottish equivalent of Lord) of Gretna Green during his life, and Toffee Apple Chew laments as she loved being ridden by Spooner.

The scene then switches to the dried-out landscape of the 'dust and scrub' of the Australian outback, over which Belinda, George and Bisch have been flying in a hot air balloon for two days, meaning Spooner's state funeral had been organised in two days too. Belinda was so scared her asshole was munching through her knickers, while George and Bisch had been stuffing their faces with East German cheese bars and beer. As George cursed Giselle for her betrayal, Belinda chose not to eat anything in front of her worst enemies as cheese and beer made her burp, or - even worse - fart. On the third day of their travels, Bisch falls ill and vomits-chunders-barfs as well as spewing-sicking-retching; George is also almightily sick.

Back from the funeral at Steele's HQ, Bella realises she is out of her depth in her new job, pointing out a post-it note on her computer screen that reads "WWBD: Who Would Belinda Do?". Des Martin knocks on the brush antique brass knob (believed to have been recovered from the *Mary Rose*) on Bella's office door and, after some initial confusion, informs her that due to Sir James Godwin stepping down from the company chairmanship from to the embarrassment of Professor Slinz's death and the loss of the Trioxy-Brillo Range, and giving it to Tony Sylvester, he is no longer an RSM and is instead the new MD. He also tells her that Sir James is now committed to finding out why his late wife Arabelle died mysteriously and also figuring out where Belinda went, ominously warning of what James would do if he found out the two events were connected. Bella congratulates him on his new position and they have sex, with Bella fucking Des' blood-filled joint with her open vagina (or muffin mold) like a dessert trolley at the Toby Carvery.

Back on the hot air balloon, Belinda felt like Richard Branson - but she was no virgin. As Bisch and George get sicker and sicker it becomes clear that Bisch's local caterers had got the sell-by dates of the food wrong, giving them the worst kind of food poisoning. Belinda is reminded of how Hunter Roux, a man from the Bahamas she fucked once, taught her how to use a hot air balloon, prompting her to turn off the gas while her captors fell unconscious, allowing the balloon to begin drifting downwards. Belinda strips George and Bisch of their knives, phones and dignity, commenting on George's massive cock and Bisch's pitiful form before taking a photo of Bisch's three-B leg tattoo using her signet ring, presumably given to her by the late Spooner. As the hot air balloon draws nearer to the ground, Belinda somehow sets it high into the sky, taking George and Bisch away with it as she jumps out.

## Notes

* The release of this episode marked the longest time between seasons of *My Dad Wrote a Porno*, with the Season 5 finale being released in December 2019 and *Dust and Scrub, Scrub and Dust* being released in May 2021.
* This chapter marks the biggest change to the Steele's hierarchy since the beginning of the books, with Bella, Des and Tony all receiving promotions while Sir James and Belinda are out - though Belinda is only out because she is presumed dead.
* This chapter also sees the first physical appearance of Queen Elizabeth II, as she was mentioned previously by The Duchess when she revealed that the Queen is her godmother.
* This chapter is also the first time Toffee Apple Chew has appeared without her owner, The Duchess.