Vermouth Noir

**Aliases:** none, that's his *real name*.

**Clan:** Tremier

**Rank:** Hedge

**Circle:** Round

**House:** Goratrix

**Status:** 1 (Neonate): Acknowledged

**Sect:** Camarilla

	+ Tried to sneak blood into class in his hat, but the Magister made his *Infusions* erupt.
	+ He'd do okay in class except he keeps eating all the samples.
		- Did a spit-take the first time he tried to *Taste*.
	+ Went to a test with a vial of someone else's vitae taped to the inside of his leg.
		- Didn't he try to cheat one time using pig blood?
* Conjuration
	+ I mean, he can get *angry ghosts*...
* Perturbation
	+ Top marks.
* Extermination
* Germination
* Crucifixion
* Animagic
	+ Can't do paws, though, always got little handsies.
		- kay but um why the *back* foots hands too?
* Defense Against The Dark Arts
* Path of Bustintitle speculative and *trademarked* (q.v. *Known Rumors*)
* Magical Cheese Vortex
* Shield of Blathering
* Sphere of Upset Tummy
	+ You're saying because he makes people nauseous when he's nearby?
		- Maybe you're allergic to class.
		- It's probably the evergreen vodka or whatever he's daubing behind his ears.
			* pine-sol
	+ Look I said I was lactose intolerant *when I was alive;* I couldn't even eat dairy anymore if I wanted to.
		- so why u was seent out at the madera drive thru suckin on janet tiddies like you was tryna get somethin outta them
			* PARDON ME MOTHERFUCKER BUT MY BEST FRIEND HAS *TASTE* AND WOULD NEVER LET VERMOUTH DO THAT
				+ 👀
* Lover's Smiting
	+ Yeah, he got that one after he stole all them rings.

### Pernicious Slanders

* So Vermouth's got Blood Sorcery *now*, but he *used to be* what's called a "street magician"? Convinced the Primogen to hand over his wand on the curb outside Ashford Hotel, and they dead-ass tracked him down and Embraced him for it.
	+ Please let's don't speculate on the poor Primogen whilst he's away on business in Austria.
		- I believe it. This sleazy little dumpling is full of braggadocio and bluster.
		- He's been gone a long time, is he ever coming *back* from Austria?
			* The business is of a routine, but *personal* nature. He will be as long as it takes.
			* They've assigned us a new Primogen: *probably needn't* keep holding his mail...
				+ *That chantry is cursed.*
					- How do you get rid of an evil wizard who lives in an impregnable magic castle? I'll give you a hint: the Tremere already showed us how.
					- Witches can do curses, right?
			* Oh my god, did he get *#senttovienna* over *Vermouth?*
				+ Guess it's just a matter of time before Vermouth starts walking around with that fancy little pin on HIS lapel...

* So his boss, the High Apprentice, told him his Clan responsibility would be to acquire either: a literal mountain-worth of wedding rings stolen off corpses, *or* one drop of the Witch's blood, and that's why he's like *double*-haunted now.
	+ Blimey, the hazing in your Chantry is *brutal*.
	+ He's using them to summon the ghosts, and trap them in a Ouija board ghost-motel.
		- Path of BustinTM**RIGHTS RESERVED**
		- Bustimancy
			* Keep dreaming, Vermouth.
	+ He's using them to propose to Aethyr.
		- What the hell does he need so *many* of them for?
			* It's probably *the cape*, dude.
				+ the cape and the TOP HAT omgomgomg
					- He's gotten into wearing this ridiculous satin cape with sugar skulls printed all over it. It's ridiculous, I'm pretty sure he's from *Vermont*.
						* Of *course* he's not Mexican. *Why* do you think he whips that rag off, post-haste, the moment that Brujah girl walks into Elysium?
							+ He didn't do it fast enough last November and Nina got banned for a month for yeeting him into the ficus.
				+ That Van Dyke looks like he could *stab* her with it.
			* what does she yeet the ring *every time*
				+ well maybe he should stop trying to propose at Millerton Lake
				+ maybe he should try being a girl v0v
					- Not even then.
					- *Especially* not then.
					- Don't even think about it, Vermouth.
						* Vermouth, the male Kaufmann dropped a brace of passenger pigeons in a styrofoam ice chest off at Ashford Hotel that look suspiciously like the ones you pull out of your idiot hat, care to have a discussion with us about this?
	+ They've been enchanting them all with wards against the Assamites, for the neonates.
		- No, they're on Lupines now. And *ghosts*.
			* They're off lupines again. Maybe still ghosts?
				+ No, Vermouth is on to having bloodsweats about the carnival coming.
					- He needs a ward against carnies.
						* Is there such a thing? I will pay *exorbitantly*. afaf...
				+ *Of a certain* still ghosts. If you catch't one, Vermouth will buy it offa you for *real money* (provided you hain't let the necrophiles *get at it* before him).
					- I think of it like this: *if you're going to eat a sandwich...*
	+ He's *convinced* he's next in line for High Apprentice, that's why he works so hard to get Fathom promoted away.
		- *That's* not why he's eager to be rid of Fathom.
			* So go on then, what's your theory anon?
				+ Obviously because Corvyn is an asshole.
				+ Because Corvyn swoops all his girlfriends.
					- "Intended romantic recipient"
					- For real, Vermouth doesn't have any girlfriends.
				+ Because High Apprentice Fathom still believes that candles, crystals and blood-pentacles help him "do the magic".
					- Are you implying Corvyn *makes* Vermouth act like that?! The guy wears a goddamn cape.
						* He looks like he's cosplaying his Warlock/Vampyre OC
							+ Aethyr would have done him a better wardrobe.
		- He's already fast-talked Corvyn into promising him the recommendation.
			* What does Corvyn care, he'll be on his way to somewhere else.
		- Is this what the baggies of blue sugar crystals are about?
			* Christ, he can't even manage *real drugs?*
			* Oh he's been pushing antihistamines at raves for *yonks.*
* So he went down to A Perfect Mix for a custom cologne, and now when you pass him in the hall he smells a bit like an empty glass that used to have a lotus blossom floating on a martini in it.
	+ When he leaves, I recall him wearing a suit and bow tie even if *I know full well he wasn't.*
	+ If you have to track him, he smells like a christmas wreath.
* Why has he been referring to that Nobbend as "the Ventrue Primogen" *(full stop)*? Has someone paid him off?
	+ Perhaps he's trying to annoy Fantonius for some reason.
		- He doesn't have to *try* to annoy Apprentice Fantonius.
	+ Political maneuver of his master, the HA.
		- I heard they're putting pressure on the harpies for some future gambit.
			* Don't they already have leverage on Vittoria Thistle?
				+ But who cares what Thistle thinks?
		- It's probably just more Backroom Handshaking between the High Apprentice and Bevis deFacto.
			* lol *"backroom handshaking"*
				+ lmao is that what they're calling it nowadays