recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
Moose

A slick, red-haired dwarven conman standing three feet tall (and three feet wide). He is played by Joe Lepore in the Weird Times In Piss Harbor campaign.

## Podcast Information

### Player

Joe Lapore

Moose is the face of the party as a long-time swindler and flirt. He is a master of deception and deflection, talking his way out of most of his problems. These tend to be short-term, hastily thrown together bluffs and disguises as he still has numerous bounties on his head. He works as a bounty hunter to pay them off himself.

## Trivia

* Moose has reservations about hunting fellow criminals, but understands that those are exactly the kind of people who have bounties put on them.
* Moose has a crippling fear of statues. This does not go over well with Neil.

## Links

* Character Teaser: https://twitter.com/of\_rude/status/1728096140434776396
Revelations 2: 2Rev2lations: Final Revelation

*Flipcup's in this one! He's kind of "our" Grogu.*

## Summary

The sasquatches travel towards Miracle Michael and his stage to follow his announcement. Albee and Stirfry spot an unaware Virginia and the two hastily stab her before she can do anything. We see a flashback of her life before she begins bleeding out. She tries to warn them about The Unpleasantness through her injuries, pleading that Albee take a sealed book she has on her. Bellow sees what happened but fails to heal her in time to save her. The party regroups and Frederick and Cordelia catch the others up on what happened. Cordelia asks Stirfry to take Virginia’s eyes. The Witch Hunter had asked to take her to Hell with them, and she’ll need them to place Cheddar's coins on them should she choose to honor her request.

Albee takes Virginia’s book with her while Frederick warns Stirfry that the entity inside him wants to erase him from existence just as his hand begins moving towards him on its own.

Michael emerges on stage in a giant sasquatch foot that he uses like a limousine. He announces it as a foot of the first bigfoot and his means of contacting their gods. With Spilled Milk’s interference gone, he is finally able to bring them to a better world. Albee and Bellow try to speak out against his claims but Michael quickly turns the crowd against them. He opens a portal to reveal what the sasquatches see as a beautiful forest that mesmerizes them into marching towards it. The others see it leads to nothing but a sheer drop off a cliff.

Albee opens Virginia’s book for answers, finding it to be The Below Folk; a guide to demons. It opens to a blank page that summons The Unelected Chorus, a multi headed monster that flies off into the sky. Bellow attempts to undermine Michael’s claims but by now the sasquatches are fully under his control and attack the party. Cordelia snaps out of her stupor and struggles to hold back the other sasquatches while Albee sees that Michael is controlling them via the original sasquatch’s foot. Frederick teleports them over to it where Albee pins Michael and uses the foot to take control. She commands them to take the foot and throw it off the cliff, breaking its spell. Stirfry arrives by Albee’s side and the two of them finish off Michael together. Cordelia catches up to them, takes out her Cheddar coins, and spits on Michael's body telling him to pay full price.

Cordelia informs the others that her Unpleasantness was passed onto de Bonesby. Albee realizes the implications too late after she dropped her demonic book and Frederick waves to them having already picked it up.

## Links

Episode: https://rudetalesofmagic.simplecast.com/episodes/2rev2lations
Hawkeye

A hawk that the party briefly teams up with in Hell, also known as Unbelievable Ground. He is voiced by Tim Platt, and Hawkeye voices his wounded ego whenever the party compares him to Stirfry.

He describes himself as a hawk who loves to sin (hawks walking on the ground is considered a sin). While their exact history is left vague, having taken place during a commercial break, Hawkeye acts like he had a very bonding experience with the party. He departs with the soul of the mortal Count Ivan Gretsky.

Before he leaves, Hawkeye requests a second take at his name and dubs himself Unbelievable Ground. It is agreed to be a better name.
MÖRK BORG

*"A doom metal album of a game - Rules light, heavy everything else."*

A tabletop RPG system played on the Rude Tales of Magic Patreon. It is set in a dark and dying fantasy world where everything else is doomed and dangerous. Christopher Hastings has run several games.

## Links

* Episode 1: https://www.patreon.com/posts/mork-borg-psalm-84525832
* Episode 2: https://www.patreon.com/posts/mork-borg-2-i-89866080
* MÖRK BORG Website: https://morkborg.com
Polaris

The god of going to the bathroom. The city of Polaris and (ultimately) Polaris University were named after him since its founder Lexicon Matters was disgraced. He is the twin sibling to Natura and the two are said to be locked in constant battle on a separate plane of existence, far from the concern of mortals.

## Trivia

* Gerry Mentlegen worships Polaris, but is ashamed to admit that he has yet to be potty trained.
Rudolph Lichenburg

An elderly vampire played by Christopher Hastings in Blood Tales of Depravity. He was an artist in life, which he finds harder to maintain now that he is considered legally dead. Despite being one of the oldest-looking vampires, he was turned extremely recently and is still trying to work out the exact workings of being a vampire.

## Assets and Abilities

Rudolph runs a cult following of fans who willingly lets him drink from them. He has some level of fame at his disposal, though the various reports of his death make it sometimes difficult to use. He also possesses some level of superhuman speed.
Rochambeau

A dwarf with a French accent and a patron at The Delighted Wife. He has slicked back black hair and fancies himself a ladies man.

Rochambeau only appears at the end of the episode Dial E For Elf. He flirts with a strange human woman at the bar who promptly slices his throat. He recognizes her handwriting as that of a serial killer just before he is killed. His dying words are still "What a woman!"
Natalie Armpits

One of the three orcish sisters who find the party in The Trashlands after The Shish Kebab Express blows out/kills its tires. Although only half orc, she appears effectively identical to a full-blooded orc. She is referred to as a sister to Canyonera and Dodge Duranga, but the last name Armpit is unique to her. Like the rest of her siblings, she rides on a dire dragonfly like a motorcycle.

She and Stirfry flirt very shortly after meeting and hook up during their time at Riddle Guy. She reveals to him that it's her dream to become the new riddle guy, only to then add that means literally sacrificing something she loves. She and Canyonera knock Stirfry out to attempt to sacrifice him, but the party's interference frees him before it's too late. Natalie attempts to stop them but Albee keeps her quiet about their plan/vents her frustrations by beating her up while Thunderlingus performs.

In the end, Natalie sees that her hopes are dashed when Stirfry escapes and Albee answers Unwarranted Jinsica's riddle. Albee doesn't care about the title of Riddle Guy and gives it up without much of a fight. When Natalie still demands that Albee make a bigger deal out of it, she gives Natalie one more punch for good measure and leaves her to stare at the sky and muse "Riddle Guy."

## Trivia

* It's later revealed that Natalie's very orcish appearance is because she is half orc, "half another orc." It appears to be an inside joke among the sisters.
* The Riddle Guy festival is the 4th year she's attended.
* Natalie had a tough year and could really use a win. It is never defined why.
It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Cottage

*We know the Rude crew loves a cottage, but how will they react when confronted with our \*jolliest\* NPC yet? Why, it's probably going to go great! I bet that everybody leaves this episode as happily as they enter it. Buckle up for an incident-free episode of our podcast :).*

## Summary

The party lands in the Teenage Woods, parting ways with their trusty gliding men. They talk to Spike Salesingman, a spike salesman whose spikes one of the falling evil gliding men landed on. Spike mentions seeing many people fleeing the Soaking Valley and how he has heard rumors of a giant heart in the area. The party worries that Mother may have returned, and while recalling their adventures they realize they’d left behind baby Peepis. Cordelia and Albee step away into the woods and discuss how to deal with seeing their classmates in Hell and assuring each other there are no hard feelings over Bellow and their relationship.

As they decide to investigate, a plump and jolly figure approaches them offering a place to rest. He introduces himself as Bodega Dean Stanton and leads them to his cozy cabin to heal up over coffee, tea, cookies and Christmas goose. While he prepares the meal, he briefly opens a door with numerous newspaper clippings pinned to a wall. Suspicious, Cordelia summons Cheddar to possess Bodega and investigates while time is frozen. She finds a thorough collection of news and wanted posters concerning the party before returning to her seat. Cordelia tries to tip off the others but Bodega notices. He locks the door and reveals himself as a vengeful Carlito Masterbandit who lured them into his trap.

The party fights Carlito, who has been training to defeat them. He heavily wounds Stirfry before the team overpowers him and Stirfry violently decapitates Carlito. The party recovers as they are left to wonder why and how Carlito created the cabin and everything in it.

They ultimately press on, reaching the Soaking Valley. They find it overgrown with glowing blue roots with “Soaking Mother” written in blue blood over the welcome sign.

## Links

Episode: https://omny.fm/shows/rude-tales-of-magic/its-beginning-to-look-a-lot-like-cottage
Lord Dudley Darlington Goodge

An old-fashioned, old money character in Beans and Revelry played by Joe Lepore. He is very formal and reserved, honor-bound to never deny a person of lesser station's request. He is old friends and former master to James and a romantic rival to Bethesda Herrington.

Dudley has feelings for Abigail, but doesn't speak up about them until she is already engaged to Lancelot Platt. This turns out to be an act to draw attention. The facade escalates until he resigns to her plan and goes to visit her and wish her well in her new arrangement. Abigail comes clean to him and they simultaneously propose to each other, with Lia Chesterfield intervening to join them in a three-way wedding for the finale.
Maverick

A 6 and a half foot tall mantis man and driver of The Shish Kebab Express, a truck-like vehicle made entirely of living goblins. He travels The Trashlands with Paul Maul, hunting people and creatures they meet for sport. They chase the party down in their goblin truck, but end up dying when their truck crashes into and absorbs Frederick.

Since they both possess mandibles, they wear detached human mouths over their faces that allow them to speak understandably to humans and other sentient creatures. They can be adjusted to project a different voice, and their grasp of Common can encounter some translation errors.

The mantis men also prefer a sporting race, giving their prey a fair warning and head start. Their species also has the same word for "hunt" as they do "race."
Hell and Back

*It's a reunion in the Cordelian Pastoral, and everyone's invited. Dead or alive. So nice to reconnect with old friends, isn't it?*

## Summary

The party catches up with Jacques who had escaped Ruleshaven with the rest of the rebels. He arrived in the town called Hell, where everyone was so innocent that they didn’t know not to call their village Hell. Jacques offers them a house to hide in when the Witch Hunters come searching the area, but Cordelia panics and leaps out the top story window. The rest of the party follows suit as they dispatch their pursuers. Cordelia calls upon Cheddar to possess and flee with one of the Witch Hunters while Albee uses Bellow’s vacation powers to force one of them to leave and go on break. They escape into the woods, trying to get a grip on their new bodies when they are attacked by a familiar assassin.

The woman who attacked them at Scrum North attacks from the trees, unchanged and unwashed from their last meeting. She battles the party, dealing some heavy damage until Cordelia finds and throws the magical net they gained from Thomas Mitchell. It catches the shrieking assassin, forcing her to not attack them and speak to them. Albee and Frederick use their borrowed powers to speak with her as an animal, learning that she was a seagull cursed to become a human after eating the flesh of another seagull. A being appeared to her and offered to return her to her original body if she killed the five of them.

While they consider what to do with her, they decide to offer her to Pebis. He is unamused by their attempts to trick him and shrinks Stirfry’s body to an inch tall for his efforts. In the state of another panic attack, Cordelia throws the net at Pebis but it bursts into flames. Breaking down, Cordelia taps into Albee’s monk experience. She goes through her memories and wisdom before focusing on the image of a dead Kreedis before she awakens in a state of peace. She uses this to return their bodies back to their original selves (though Stirfry is still an inch tall).

## Links

https://rudetalesofmagic.simplecast.com/episodes/hell-and-back
Moonlight Value Bounties

A bounty hunting office in Piss Harbor. Its exact location is kept top secret, even to listeners, which may be because the location keeps being destroyed. The party reports there for intel and assignments for bounties. It is run by Mabeline Moonlight, who negotiates higher prices on bounties for her team so she can receive a cut as a finder's fee.

The facility has access to various magical equipment, including using pixie brains as portable radios and "visually wired kenkus" that act as projectors.
Halfling

Halflings are a short race that inhabits Cordelia. They resemble humans at roughly half the size of a human being. There are some cases when they will grow as large as a full fledged human, sometimes referred to as a “fulling.”

## Trivia

* There is a stereotype that halflings all smell like hay.
* There is an unspoken bond between halflings and dwarves as the small folk of Cordelia. It can be invoked in times of dire need to call upon favors from each other.
Nog Romansky

The famous emperor whose assassination marked the fall of The Cordelian Empire. Several theories revolve around how his death/disappearance caused the empire to fall. He is depicted as a man with a weak chin, bags under his eyes, and is both balding and with a bowl cut.

Nog is first seen at The Power Ball, where he proves to have a nasally voice and a bland personality. He is easily frustrated by any change in his usual treatment and expects guests to kiss his rings. The party meets him in person and before they can make a move, Torrin uses Message to mention Hammerhair to him. Nog reacts with a panic just before Torrin spots The Beautiful Avoider. She destroys Diarrhea with her magic, throwing the party into chaos as Nog flees the scene with Tactical Papers. This is the last time he is seen in public beyond the party themselves.

## The Fall of the Empire

Some believe that his affair with a beautiful bugbear lead to him trying so hard to cover it up that he lost control of the empire. Others say it was his wife Elvira Romansky that orchestrated his assassination, since she vanished around the time of the empire's fall as well. Several kingdoms in the empire had also stopped paying taxes, which may have caused the other events to be blown out of proportion while economic changes truly caused the collapse.

Regardless, most calendars now track the year before and after "affair" (BA and AA). Even before the year 0 AA/BA, people of the world seemed to be using this system and did not know what the terms meant until it happened. For reference, the main Rude Tales of Magic story arc takes place in 497 AA.

## Trivia

* The campaign Come At The King is focused around a plot by the party to assassinate Emperor Nog and topple the empire.
* Nog is incredibly gullible, having been spoiled and sheltered his entire life. Despite this, he is seen as a tactical genius, having outplayed Larroquette at every turn during The War of the Song.
* Nog has worn several different masks when attending The Power Ball. He wore a trout mask during the year he attended with Hammerhair, and attended his last party wearing the mask of a baby turtle.
* His voice bears a resemblance to Jason Funderberker, a minor character featured in Over The Garden Wall.
Scrum South

An underground location owned by Scrum Fabulous. It is built in the sewers of Soaking Valley and becomes the center of the rebellion against Mother. It is a sparsely stocked bar, though stolen alcohol tends to stay in abundance.

The decapitated head of Bon Peniseñaro hangs over the secret door. When the password is spoken/sung, it reveals the true door and entrance.

## Trivia

* Scrum sings a verse of All Mixed Up by 311 to Bon's head as the password, including a back and forth and harmony. He notes that they have to keep changing the password whenever their scouts are captured, but that he likes to mix it up while keeping a theme.
* It is sometimes referred to as The Underwife, existing beneath the surface of The Delighted Wife and with the Pepsi Brothers working there as well.
* It tends to smell like someone died while shitting, because they did.
Operation Ottersquirt

*Bravely descending into the lion's den, the gang must make a daring rescue and a great escape by trying the one thing they've never tried before: trying. Meanwhile, deep within the Mind Palace of the deposed lich, another kind of escape is afoot. PLUS: The nature of Pebis's Boon is REVEALED! Old comrades RETURN! The Skeleton DOES A DANCE! All this and more, on this episode of the hit podcast, Rude Tales of Magic.*

## Summary

The party parts ways with Wartortle Spone and arrives a few days later at Ottersquirt, a hamlet town where The Y River parts. Within Frederick de Bonesby's mind, Goatse checks in on Frederick about his failing magic. The wizard refuses to open his door and largely dismisses him. When Goatse presses the matter, he realizes that Frederick’s answers are repeating themselves and rushes off in a panic.

The party finds a large station of Witch Hunters at Ottersquirt, guarding where the roads and river split. After some scouting, they find that Lady Blades and The Great Misnomer from The Ruleshaven Liberation Army are being held prisoner. The Witch Hunters seem in partial disarray, with many of them breaking off to engage in heated intercourse. Bellow steals some cloaks from a clothesline and determines from Carl Lips, the attending guard, that this is the result of his boon from Pebis. When Bellow wished for the Witch Hunters not to remember “us,” Pebis interpreted it as “hot people.” The handsomer Hunters have forgotten most of their lives while the rest of them are easily swayed by the very idea of an attractive person.

The party gathers their disguises and forms a plan to board a ship through the town without drawing attention to themselves. Bellow and Cordelia blend in with the guards and give a random vessel clearance to go through the port. Stirfry murders the guard manning a spotlight, using it to aim at the cleared ship as a distraction. Cordelia attempts to use her dreaded Hunger of Hadar to draw the Hunters’ attention, but finds her spell somehow missing. She begins to panic but Bellow improvises, casting spells to illuminate and blast party music from the boat to draw everyone’s eye.

Albee and Frederick (controlled by Prolapse) sneak through the Witch Hunter tents. They find scientists hammering at a giant horseshoe before they find where the prisoners are held. They rush in to draw their attention to the boat as a feigned emergency. Prolapse bursts in as a skeleton singing Barbara Ann and claims to have been seduced by its party magic, fucking the skin off his body. The guards rush out as Albee frees the Liberation Army members and they rush to the bridge to meet the others in the chaos.

Stirfry ziplines down a rope using his detached beak and meets up with the others as the Witch Hunters summon reinforcements through a series of runes. Bellow turns into a horse to plow through the flow of guards and they all leap off the bridge together. They land on the deck of an unnoticed ship and celebrate, only for more Witch Hunters to burst out from below deck. Barbara Ann plays over the outro.

## Links

Episode: https://rudetalesofmagic.simplecast.com/episodes/operation-ottersquirt
Pissmas

A holiday celebrated during Blackbird Singing in the Dead of Night.

Flammable Rock Holdings holds a company party to celebrate it every year. It is generally a time to be with family, but the company forces them to spend it with coworkers as a result. It is described as a filthy holiday, with decorations including urinating Santas.
Pubic (Mascot)

A small gray-green goblin who wears a bright red fez. He serves as the show's unofficial mascot, appearing on the main show logo as well as various other promotional materials. Little is known about him other than his appearance. What we do know is he wears only a fez and can fart text. And that's something.

## Trivia

* Pubic is a different goblin than the Pubic the party encounters in Dial E for Elf. This is because Pubic is a relatively common name for goblins. It's their Peter.
Infinite Jests

*TRAPPED in the Switchblade Mountains! DECEIVED by puckish mountain pRaNkStErS! Unable to trust their very senses! Or even....each other!?!?! Folks, I'll shoot ya straight here. Doesn't look good for our heroes this time. Please enjoy this, the final episode of Rude Tales of Magic.*

## Summary

The party travels with Hot Roddy to navigate The Switchblades. He warns of upcoming pranksters, and tells them that they will need to convince them that they have been pranked and sell the gag well enough that they let them be. While they prepare themselves, a small "twee and a half years old" child appears to ask them to help him find his parents. Stirfry eagerly tries to help him and the child insists they could have a better view over by the steep cliff. The child tries to throw Stirfry over the ledge but Albee catches him as the child falls to his apparent doom.

They are quickly approached by We Prankster Few, a band of seven gnomes, halflings and a goblin in various jester attire. They warn them of their upcoming pranks and create various illusions to fool and frustrate the party along their way. Albee keeps failing to convince them that they were fooled so they escalate their pranks further. They end up throwing toilet paper that nearly kills Hot Roddy and Stirfry by suffocating them. They escape, only to find two Bellows among them. After much confusion, they break through the ruse when Stirfry recognizes that Bellow would not want to be his daddy. The Bellow clone attacks Frederick de Bonesby, who instinctively uses his Hellish Rebuke that he learned from studying with Cordelia.

The illusion melts away as We Prankster Few reappear before them. They offer to test them with their ultimate prank or to face them in a contest matching prank for prank. The party decides to take their challenge and the pranksters accept the first three to speak as the volunteers. The party acts increasingly confused until the gnome becomes frustrated, only for the party to reveal that they understood and it was just a prank. The gnome wails in defeat and vanishes from reality. The party goes through each member, tricking them with a simple deception or insisting something contrary until they disappear. The last of them reveals that he was the child that initially tricked them, but is bested when Frederick asks him about ligma.

The party steps aside to discuss what just happened. Albee talks to Bellow to say that she agreed with the illusion Bellow that she has the right to make her own decision about when she's emotionally ready for a relationship. Cordelia mentions feeling Frederick drawing magic from her and demands that he ask before he uses the ability again. Realizing what's happening, a humbled Frederick apologizes. Overhearing this, Stirfry seethes while Hot Roddy leads them on to Ruleshaven.

## Link

https://rudetalesofmagic.simplecast.com/episodes/infinite-jests
Illegal Rinbecca

Illegal Rinbecca is a sphinx that lives in the prison at Soaking Valley. She is around 20 feet long and heavily chained to the wall, but the guards still treat her with fear and respect for how dangerous she can be. She speaks in a booming voice and due to her long time spent chained up, she is unaware of many modern phrases and customs.

Rinbecca is a prisoner from long before any living creature in Soaking Valley can remember, to the point where nobody knows why she is in jail. The local police largely don’t care what her crime was, but when she's left alone they hear her swearing that she would murder every single Peacekeeper in Soaking Valley if she were set free.

Tradition dictates that when you pass Illegal Rinbecca, people must kneel respectfully, not make any sudden movements or say anything offensive, and listen to her riddle. So long as they answer it correctly, they may pass. Breaking any of these rules infuriates Rinbecca and she murders those that truly cross her. The guards take advantage of this by using her as an extra layer of security in their jail.

The party encounters her while being locked in the upper prison. When Kimrin tells them that they must answer her riddle, Stirfry asks if the answer is “man” before he even hears the riddle. This immediately angers Rinbecca, forcing Stirfry to backpedal and pretend he doesn’t know the answer. Illegal Rinbecca sternly asks her riddle, which Stirfry pretends to puzzle over until he “guesses” man. She permits them to pass, but Stirfry tells Albee that he calls dibs on her. Rinbecca demands to know what this means and once they explain crushes, the sphinx is flattered but gives Stirfry a hard pass.

## Trivia

* Rinbecca’s riddle is a reference to the Riddle of the Sphinx, an ancient riddle answered in the story of Oedipus. The riddle asks what walks on four legs in the morning, two in the afternoon, and three at night. The answer is man in reference to crawling, walking and using a cane. The riddle is apparently famous in Cordelia as well, because Stirfry guesses the answer as soon as he hears that there is a sphinx with a riddle. Rinbecca appears entirely unaware that everyone already knows the answer.
* While lying about knowing the answer, Stirfry pretends to consider frogs as his answer. Another guard tried to claim it was “a fucked up creature,” but he was devoured.
* Stirfry develops a crush on her after seeing her commanding nature. While explaining what a crush is, he ends up translating it to mean that she is a mommy.
* Rinbecca states that her mother flew away to live in the sun.
Rude Lasers of Feelings

Bonus episodes of the Rude Tales team playing a game of Lasers and Feelings, a 1-page sci-fi RPG. It was released on the Patreon and run by Joe Lepore.

Due to this currently being Patreon-exclusive content, no major info will be released here until it is made public.

Several characters return along with the Lasers and Feelings system in the group's later podcast, Oh These, Those Stars of Space.

## Players

Taylor Moore as Legs Loveless the hotshot pilot.

Tim Platt as Gruumda the alien scientist. He changes his character in the second episode to Gelmer Lysander, a dangerous explorer.

Ali Fisher as Dr Meredith Gray the dangerous doctor.

Christopher Hastings as Threadcount-900 the robot emissary.

Branson Reese as Klaus Kitski, the alien soldier.
Russel

A possum that the party finds following them in The Riddled Remnant. Stirfry discovers him and kills him for scaring the party by throwing him against Cordelia so hard that he explodes.

He serves as a scout for The Riddled Remnant, who are outraged to find that he was killed. Stirfry briefly joins The Riddled Remnant to replace him, even going by Russel for a short time.
Philadelphio

The god of siblings who places and removes the curse on The S.S. Bad News. He has as many faces as the family he is presently observing.

Frederick casts Identify on the cursed ship and sees him as the source of its troubles.

## Trivia

* Philadelphio's name closely resembles Philadelphia, which has the nickname "the city of brotherly love."
Michigan J. Responsible

A small human man who runs a candied nuts and homework help store in The Ice Cream and Candy District of Piss Harbor. He is going out of business due to a lack of demand for his products, leaving his candied nuts covered in dust. He has been haunted by his partner Jacob Homework, though he assures people it's more of a riff that doesn't go anywhere.

Tommy Whistle questions him regarding the whereabouts of Timmy And Tommy in the episode A Real Live Adult.

## Trivia

* Michigan's name is a play on the Loony Tunes character Michigan J. Frog.
* Michigan being haunted by his partner is a parody of Jacob Marley, Scrooge's ghostly partner that haunts him in A Christmas Carol.
Hans Christian Pumpandsuck

Ruleshaven’s oldest unmarried merchant and a general nuisance to Lestimony Greed. He visits Lestimony's cigarette description store every day at noon, trying to lure him into a conversation.

Hans attempts to explain that he was only assuming, but Lestimony interrupts to say that by assuming, he makes an ass out of u-m-e. They all brace for Lestimony's death, but realizing that the spell over Ruleshaven has been lifted by someone, Lestimony is relieved to tell off Hans like he always wished to.

## Trivia

* Hans' name was originally planned to be Pumpandfuck. Branson changed it at the last minute after realizing his very name would violate the key rules of Ruleshaven.
Mandicar Gorramael

A sister of Bellow's, she is a muscular, 7-foot tall tiefling with black, tied back hair and ram horns. She lives in Brian Doyle Falls with most of her family. Bellow calls her Mandy for short.

She is a brash and rowdy young woman, fond of teasing Bellow at every opportunity alongside her sister Valifar Gorramael. They love their brother but frequently bother him with everything from basic pranks to putting his prom date through questions that test her sense of logic and morality.

Bellow finds Mandy and the rest of the Gorramaels in the twisted remains of Brian Doyle Falls. She helps them fight their way through the nightmarish beach city, escaping with the rest of them but losing her arm in the heat of battle. When Mandy gets over the shock, she proceeds to work out twice as hard with her remaining arm to compensate. She and Val put Albee through their trials to date Bellow, but they go easy on her and only ask what color apples are before giving her a thumbs up.

## Trivia

* Mandy went to Polaris University herself.
* Mandy is very self confident, particularly when it comes to creativity and art.
Reingold Pavilion

*"We make your dreams come truuue!"*

A ballroom used to host the New Years party for Flammable Rock Holdings. It is owned by two married halflings, Mr. and Mrs. Blanderbuff, who hold many awards for ballroom dancing and ballroom custodianship. Their hall has several ballrooms, one of which has an enchanted black door they cannot open. They mainly use their main hall because the only alternative is their haunted basement hall.
Marty Big Brains

A Frankenstein who hangs out at The Copafirebadna in Blood Tales of Depravity 2. He is not especially smart, but he gets his nickname from his brain being too large for his head. It causes him incredible pain and he is constantly trying to hold it in.

The Bride goes to him for information, but most of his news is about how bad his head hurts.
Scrum North

A pyramid-like fortress to the north of Scrum’s Pad. It was owned by Scrum Fabulous but was taken over by bandits. The party is hired by Scrum to drive out these bandits and bring him the head of their leader.

The location is actually an abandoned temple, one formerly used to worship a god of travel. This is later explained to be the god that Danny Timeshare was before being absorbed into the Cordelian pantheon and becoming a god of vacations. Scrum rents it out to visitors to stay for a price, complete with a golden statue of himself that reminds them of their rent as they enter.

The party finds the location with the help of Cum Dangle, only to find it is inhabited by The Bloody Bloody Gentlemen, Stirfry's old team of thieves. While trying to reason with them, the kenku are attacked by a mysterious assassin pursuing the party. With most of their team dead or missing, The Gentlemen decide to leave the place behind as Stirfry takes their dead leader's head to Scrum.
Ruleshaven

A largely human city north of Fort Casual. Rainn Anatomies directs the party there to meet his handsomer brother Ulcer Anatomies. Not to be confused with the episode Ruleshaven or the following episode RuleShaven. Clarification on uses of the term can be found at Ruleshaven (disambiguation).

The city is an old, Swiss-style city built atop the highest peaks of The Switchblades. The town prides itself on order and security, enforcing many rules and codes. In fact, the entrance to the city bears a magical sign that forces its citizens to obey its laws or else take intense physical pain or even death after reading it. This leads to many of its citizens acting overly polite and orderly to avoid this type of punishment. Even when the rules are lifted, many of its people are reliant and panicked by the lack of enforced order.

The city was originally founded by Danica Ruleshaven during the anarchy that followed the fall of The Cordelian Empire. It was then known as RuleShaven (pronounced Rule Shaven, as in removed of laws). When more orderly sorts moved in, they built themselves around the original inhabitants and used their law magic to force them to stay within their second internal border. This area is known as Danica Town, but those within its walls still refer to it as Ruleshaven with its original pronunciation.

An ancient and unused bell tower towers over the city. It is the main conduit of the law magic that maintains Ruleshaven's order, so it is carefully guarded. Ringing the bell undoes the law magic binding the citizens, allowing the one who rung it to establish new laws in their place. For this reason, the first and most important rule of Ruleshaven expressly forbids the ringing of the bell.

## The Original Rules of Ruleshaven

1. The bell must never be rung for any reason or under any circumstance.
2. No killing except in self defense or in the event of a home or workplace invasion.
3. No demonic magic of any stripe is permitted. No exceptions.
4. The bonds of marriage are sacred and must be respected. No affairs, no key parties and no funny business.
5. Voting is mandatory. If you do not provide a vote, a vote will be assigned to you.
6. Language is a gift. Vulgar language is not permitted.
7. Ruleshaven's patron goddess is Ordelia. Worship of non-Ordelian deities is strictly prohibited.
8. All residents of Danica Town are to remain inside Danica Town at all times
9. The sentient species must never be ridden as you would a horse.
10. The breaking of any of these rules will result in severe magical punishments.

## Trivia

* Ruleshaven maintains itself by a magical gondola that transports people and supplies to and from its high peaks.
* Ruleshaven is famous for its blends of coffee.
* Certain areas of Ruleshaven are built close to the border or above the skyline of the city, allowing visitors to be somewhat looser with the city rules.
* Ruleshaven is home to many strange businesses, including a store that sells piloted robots that can fuse together. It has since been tragically destroyed.
Malekinal Gorramael

Bellow's tiefling father, originally suspected to be dead after a gelatinous cube attacked Brian Doyle Falls. He is a handsome, formerly in-shape but overweight demon with salt and pepper hair and more bull-like horns. He works as a coach in his hometown. He is married to Mona Gorramael and lives with his daughters/Bellow's elder sisters, Valifar Gorramael and Mandicar Gorramael. Like most of his family, Malechinol goes by a nickname ("Mel.")

According to Hot Roddy, Roddy bullied Malechinol so hard on the day of Bellow's birth that Roddy is his truly legal father due to an archaic law. Roddy insists that he is Bellow's real father, despite having no connection, fondness, or past, blood, or emotional relationship with him. Bellow remains leery of the idea and still considers Malechinol his father. Mel makes no mention of the fact, if he's even aware of it.

Mel and his family survive the chaos that befalls Brian Doyle Falls, assuming that Bellow was dead after what happened. Mel is relieved to see him alive (but quietly warns him about missing his mother's birthday) and helps the escape from the vacationistic hellscape. The Gorramaels let Bellow leave with his friends, deciding to stay behind to tell people of what happened as they help rebuild their town.

## Trivia

* Bellow says that Malechinol never picked him up from school.
* The name Gorramael holds some significance in Hell, since SERVANT pauses to consider its worth when Bellow mentions it.
* Bellow fondly remembers spending time at Timmy’s Outskirts Sports Bar with his father, though the young tiefling was not allowed to drink.
* He refers to Bellow as his "little prince."
* Mel admits that he was afraid of Frederick during their entire visit to Brian Doyle Falls.
Scrum Fabulous

*"You are Scrum! Scrum Fabulous!*

*You're a man who god calls king!*

*You're worth your weight in golden bars and your weight's no paltry thing!*

*You taught the pope forgiveness! You lease out wedding rings!"*

Scrum Charles Fabulous is a crime lord in The Soaking Valley. He is a large bullywug, resembling a toad in fine clothes and a wig made from human hair. He often travels accompanied by The Sodom Sisters, a pack of rough-looking gnolls.

Scrum is a charming but shady character and a “friend of criminals.” He holds sway over the city guard, and dropping his name will supposedly get you freed and handed over to him instead. He deals in favors, and has no shame in killing those who disappoint him or kidnapping people to hold them as eventual leverage. He remains flippant, playful and stylish in nearly everything he does.

He works out of Scrum’s Pad (sometimes Scrum's Place), his home and bar that he is quite proud of no matter how many times its name upsets the party. He maintains many curses and enchantments to both make the bar look more festive and to keep employees and prisoners from leaving the grounds.

Despite his portly appearance and indulgent behavior, Scrum proves himself to be very capable in a fight. On top of his magical prowess, he is incredible nimble while dealing with an intruder near the end of All the Little Ants while casually speaking with Frederick de Bonesby.

Scrum appears to the party after they escape Soaking Valley prison, explaining that he has Albee's parents. He takes them to his hidden lair and after showing off his luxurious pad, makes them an offer. If they can clear out Scrum North and bring him the head of the bandits residing there, he will free Albee's parents. When the party returns, he sticks to his word but reveals that he sold them out to The Witch Hunters.

When the party returns to the Soaking Valley in Enter the Mother, Part 1, they find Scrum living in the sewers beneath the city and leading the resistance against Mother's corruption. He does a capable job running things out of Scrum South, but he does so motivated by money since brainwashed zombies can't pay rent.

## Trivia

* When Scrum was hatched as a tadpole, he ate all of his brothers and sisters. He claims that this let him absorb their birthdays, making every day his birthday.
* Scrum's Pad has a hall lined with portraits of him meeting Cordelian celebrities. He admits to having met Kreedis, finding him delightful but unable to hold his liquor. Despite Albee's high expectations, he claims Kreedis was easily thrown out after behaving rudely.
* Scrum and Moira Thousand are not only both bar owners, but they both stand above the law. Moira is immune to the guards after murdering so many of them, and seems able to arrest and release people at will. Scrum states that the mere mention of his name will get you released from jail.
* Scrum's middle name is Charles. The name and his numerous birthdays are shared with Charles Entertainment Cheese (aka Chuck E. Cheese).
Mt. Fractus

A man-made landmark in The Trashlands. Kreedis built it with his elemental powers, living in seclusion behind his created guardians. When he dies, the mountain collapses beneath him.

The mountain was given the name Mount Fractus since they had much more interaction with Kreedis' created companion Fractus, the talking cloud and local hero.
Joe Lepore

Joe Lepore is the fellow who plays Bellow. He also ran their Patreon game of Rude Lasers and Feelings, and has taken on many of the editing duties as the show went on.

## Characters

* Bellow
* Grimothee Steel
* Bold Henry
* Nicholas Montenegro
* Lord Dudley Darlington Goodge
* Dominic the Donkey/The Kid From The Christmas Shoes
* Babages
* Doctor Jason Orphanson/Amnesia patient
* Dutch Stewart
* Gavin Lavin
* The Leaping Lord/The brother from the Folgers coffee commercial
* Caleb Dark
* Prince Harmug
* Moose
* The Rat King/Zeus

## Trivia

* In Look Out Below, Stirfry and Frederick ride away on a human’s back like a horse. He introduces himself as Joe Lepore and Branson assures them that he is a good-looking man.
Jacques Avoidoir

A leading member of The Ruleshaven Liberation Army. He is a moon elf with a beret and a strong French accent. He and his freedom fighters help lead Bellow the Bell Ringer and his party through the sewers when they attempt to escape Ruleshaven. They remain behind to attempt to sieze control of the city, only for it to be obliterated by The Witch Hunters. He is later revealed to have survived, meeting the party at the end of Crossroads, escaping with the rest of his revolutionaries and hiding out in Hell (a town). He helps distract the Witch Hunters pursuing them as best he can before the party is found out and fends for themselves.

No one seems to be able to pronounce Jacques' name right, and many even hear it incorrectly (it’s his own name so he’d naturally never mispronounce it). Even when Stirfry mimics Jacuqes' own voice saying his own name, Jacques corrects its pronunciation.
Jonathan Large

Jonathan Large is a blonde man with a mustache, mutton chops, and the lower half of a horse. He wears small amounts of heavy armor and an assortment of flowers. He is played by Christopher Hastings in Weird Times In Piss Harbor.

Jonathan is a powerful fighter with a gentle soul and jovial spirit. He encourages many he meets to better themselves and to be one with nature, even former enemies. He works as a bounty hunter in Piss Harbor, giving most of his earnings away to local children.

Like many Piss Harbor bounty hunters, he has a piece of pixie brain surgically implanted into his spine to allow him to receive transmissions from Moonlight Value Bounties.

## Trivia

* His appearance and personality parody Macho Man Randy Savage and Dog the Bounty Hunter.
* Jonathan has a difficult time going down stairs. He is also extremely conscious of going indoors since his equine body can make people uncomfortable.

## Links

* Character Teaser: https://twitter.com/of\_rude/status/1727416660037075182
Painto

The nickname of an unknown artist who left behind cave paintings of the earliest Witch Hunters. These paintings were still done on canvases rather than cave walls, but are still considered to be quite old.

One of Painto's pieces depicted a being with eyes matching descriptions of Cheddar's. This has led to the belief that Cheddar may have been one of the first demons to make contact with mortals.
Rude Tales Of Magic Wiki

***Ahhh! There you are, traveler! Come inside. Hang up your coat. Put your feet by the fire. And I shall bring you what you so desperately seek... Rude Tales of Magic.***

The wiki for Rude Tales of Magic, an improvised narrative play podcast of adventurers in Cordelia, a strange first-draft of a fantasy world full of bizarre magics, adventurer colleges, and farting goblins.

There are a lot of jokes and lore to share and edit it as you like, as long as it's accurate and public (i.e. no sharing exclusive/paid content!)

More can always be found at https://www.rudetalesofmagic.com or https://www.patreon.com/rudetalesofmagic.

May we recommend starting here?

* Party Members

* Episodes

* NPCs

* Locations

* Players
Lindsingham Manor

A large and stately mansion in the Teenage Woods. It is inhabited by the Lindsingham family of elves and their assorted servants. It includes an archery range and stables. It is filled with numerous shows of wealth, from the alleged world's first magic wand, indoor and outdoor peacocks, and both silver and gold chandeliers (no bronze).

## Inhabitants

* Buckley Lindsingham
* Addison Lindsingham
* Bunny Lindsingham
* Sloane Langley Thatcher
* Milker
* Pigsly
* Pubic

## Trivia

* In Rude Talks of Chatting, Branson Reese explains that he improvised several minutes about the luxurious interior of the manor in post. This included a stuffed and mounted human family and a device labeled "the world's only gun." The family was removed since the players could not react to such a horrible sight (being recorded after the episode itself). The gun was removed because they felt it would be impossible to maintain that canon.
* When the party returns to the area in Boy Do We Ever Have Such Sights!, they pass by Lindsingham Manor. It is casually mentioned as being on fire for reasons not related to the plot.
Nicotine Tones

An entirely bald and very serious man who leads visitors into Brian Doyle Falls after it was consumed by the gelatinous cube. He takes them through hidden tunnels in the bizarre sepia tone house. He takes the party into town, and despite his warnings, he steps on a small crack in the wooden walkways. It exposes him to the sand, which corrupts and transforms his body into Naughty Nico.

## Trivia

* Common is not his first language, so he mispronounces some longer words.
Mungo

Mungo is a 6’1” dog that can pass for a very hairy man. He speaks only in barks, but those who understand animals hear him as a gruff and tough sort. He dislikes being treated like a dog despite occasionally behaving like one.

The party meets Mungo at Cafe Vegetaball while getting coffee. He knows Little Pile and leads them across a bar crawl before taking them to The Reverse Cuckold.

## Trivia

* Mungo's name was a reference to the band Mungo Jerry. The party would later meet and speak with another dog named Jerry looking for The Room of Wonders.
Isaac

One of the many rats that Stirfry commands after taking The Rat King's crown.

When Stirfry talks about killing Virginia in You Wish, he kills one rat in example. The second one he grabs, Albee refuses to kill it. Stirfry decides to spare it and keep it as his new favorite, naming it Isaac on the spot.

When the party asks how his promised rat sushi is coming along, Stirfry immediately changes his mind and kills Isaac to feed his friends.

Saanvi Walia is in love with Isaac Wen the rat who turned into a drag queen
Rathion Shield

A floating, flayed severed head with blackened eyes. It is seen in the episode Revelations circling Virginia's carriage and declaring its duty to protecting it. Albee and Stirfry attempt to attack it, but it absorbs their weapons into its mouth and spits them back out as attacks of its own. It is content to let them retreat, where Stirfry rallies his rats and orders them to pile on top of it. The ranting head remains undisturbed by this and is unable to stop the party from entering the carriage since it can't see past the mass of rats.

Rathion's exact nature is unclear, but it announces itself as "speaker of the first broken vow." Virginia admits to working with demons, making it presumably a demon or a result of demonic magic.