SCP-(INSERTANYNUMBERHERE)-J

**Item #:**

Trainee: So... this is where the number goes, right?

Instructor: Yes.

SCP-(INSERTANYNUMBERHERE)-J

Instructor: That's not a real number.

Trainee: It's a placeholder. You told me something about placeholders last week, didn't you?

**Object Class:**

Trainee: Uh...Oh, wait! I know!

Great

Instructor: That's not an object class!

Trainee: Yeah, but you told me I can use a placeholder!

Instructor: Not with the Object Class, dumbass!

Trainee: I give 0 (zero) fucks.

Instructor: Fuck it. Just write the containment procedures.

Trainee: Okay.

**Special Containment Procedures:**

Trainee: Alright. This is gonna be hard… now I gotta write how you keep it locked up, yeah?

Instructor: Yeah. You have to write about how it's contained.

It has to be contained with a sponge.

Instructor: ...You could be a LOT more specific.

Trainee: Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever.

The sponge has to work.

Instructor: God damn it- You have to specifically write WHY the sponge has to work.

The sponge has to work so you can make the thing wet.

Instructor: But WHY do you have to make it WET?

Trainee: Ugh. I'm just gonna leave it as it is.

**Description:**

Trainee: Here I have to write… what it is?

Instructor: If you have a functioning brain, you'd know that. Write this on your own. I'm gonna go grab a cub of joe while you do. Don't screw anything up.

Trainee: Okay... I can do this.

It's big and colorful, it's stupid and will not negotiate peacefully. It can shoot something that is red and hurts! It swallows kids and hides in big potted plants! It can spread out a kind of virus that turns everyone into zombies and makes them spineless. And it can do magic! It controls spells like "Awwada Kedapra" and kills its enemies! It can also change its speed! And it has giant eye that can hypnotize people.

Instructor: I'm back… your article is very… special... a- Okay, I'm just gonna cut the shit. This is fucking terrible.

Trainee: I thought I could write whatever I want!

Instructor: THERE ARE LIMI- \*sigh\* Just keep writing.

Trainee: Let me add something real quick.

It manipulates humans so that they say their innermost feelings.

Instructor: That's... better.

**Discovery:**

Trainee: I don't need you here!

Instructor: Alright, If you say so.

The thingamabob fell into coma on the 5th October and then got brought into the Foundation, I believe?

Instructor: Okay... how's it looking?

Trainee: I did my best.

Instructor: Alright... so... not very good. Whatever. Look-

**Addendum:**

Trainee: Can I write an interview?

Instructor: Yeah, whatever. Make it preformatted.

```
**SCP-(TYPEANYNUMBEREHERE)-J:** Hello.

```

```
**Dr. Poopa:** Hello! Oh no, please do not hypnotize me!

```

```
**SCP-(TYPEANYNUMBERHERE)-J:** No. I will not, because I have a sponge!

```

Instructor: This makes absolutely no fucking sense. How would a sponge keep it from doin' that?

Trainee: \*shushing\* I have to concentrate!

```
**Dr. Poopa:** Oh yeaaah! So, I was gonna ask why you're so great. 😚

```

```
**SCP-(TYPEANYNUMBERHERE)-J:** Because I loooove this sponge!😍

```

Instructor: Alright, lemme see.

Trainee: Sure! How is it?

Instructor: ...this is why- Come on, go back to your room. Your next assignment is to uh... watch this fuckin' VHS tape. Dismissed.