The Ultimate Fast Show Collection

**The Ultimate Fast Show Collection** is a UK DVD release by BBC Worldwide Ltd and 2 Entertain Video Ltd on 5th November 2007.

## Episode Segments

#### **Series 3, Show 1**

* Jesse's Fashion Tips: Dolce e Gabbana
* The 13th Duke of Wybourne: In a French Maids' Finishing School
* Checkout Girl: Microwave Meal, Parmesan Cheese, Beans & Sausages...
* Chris the Crafty Cockney: Wallet ---
* The granny who snorts 'Hah!' #1: Love at First Sight
* Jazz Club: Jackson Jeffrey Jackson --- Even Better Than That!: Potatoes
* Billy Bleach: Jukebox --- Ted & Ralph: Bank Manager --- Weller: London
* Chip Cobb: Belinda --- Hardest Game in the World: Lorry Driver
* CP Eau de Fromage --- Brilliant Kid: Shelves, Gravity
* Colin Hunt: I'm an Alien --- Ted & Ralph: Heading Home
* Monster Monster: Spice Girls --- No Offence: Jill Dando's Pulse
* That's Amazing!: Jack Off --- Swiss Toni: The Biggest Todger in the World
* Rowley Birkin QC: Interesting Cheeses --- Roger Nouveau: I Like Red
* Weller: Miner --- Insecure Woman: Traffic Warden
* Chanel 9: Willy Ton Bastardo --- Ted & Ralph: Wallet
* The 13th Duke of Wybourne: in a Student Nurses' Hall of Residence
* Dave Angel, Eco-Warrior: Aerosols --- Suit You, Sir: Hamlet
* Ted & Ralph: Hands Free --- Jazz Club: Still Sucking
* Patrick Nice: Hobgoblin

#### **Series 3, Show 2**

* Six Hours In Make-Up: An Old Man.
* The Singing Ramblers #1: Joyously along the bridge.
* Colin Hunt: Photocopier --- Monkfish, Undercover Cop
* Weller: London Marathon --- Johnny Nice Painted: Landscape
* The 13th Duke of Wybourne: In a Sixth-Form Girls' Dormitory
* Jazz Club: Justin Palmer's Meltin' Pot.
* This Historian: Apple Dunking.
* I Beg Your Pardon: Library ---
* The Singing Ramblers #2: Struggling up the hillside.
* No Offence: The Never Never --- Monster Monster: Lucky Boy
* Indecisive Dave: Alan Shearer --- Jesse's Fashion Tips: Issey Miyake
* Tommy Cockles' Golden Moments: Blame Arthur
* Checkout Girl: Big Box of Powder, Family Bag of Crisps, Taters...
* Even Better Than That!: Tonic Water, Wine, Lemons
* Restaurant Seating Problem --- Rowley Birkin QC: Shanghai
* Roger Nouveau: Equaliser --- Competitive Dad: School Play
* Singing Ramblers #3: Stragglers getting exhausted.
* The Hardest Game in the World about a boxer.
* Patrick Nice: Louise --- Male Prostitutes --- Weller: Three Birds
* Dave Angel, Eco-Warrior: Hill Tribe --- The Historian: Teddy Bears
* Ron Manager: Nookie Ban --- Swiss Toni: Washing Cars
* Chanel 9: Pissi Bir ---
* The Singing Ramblers #4: The last man gets punched.
* Roger Nouveau: Hampstead

#### **Series 3, Show 3**

* The squeamish zookeeper shrieks over dead fish.
* The man who goes to bed fits in a new bulb and gets attacked by bears.
* The first set of closing credits.
* Competitive Dad: Carrying On Regardless.
* The second set of closing credits.
* Heroin Galore: The Best Sneeze.
* The third set of closing credits.
* The Hurried Poor run up the stairs in the shopping centre.
* The last two credits and copyright credit

#### **Series 3, Show 4**

* The ending credits and the 1997 copyright stamp.

#### **Series 3, Show 5**

* Chris the Crafty Cockney's chat of "No, Not Really".
* The Fast Show opening logo.
* The Checkout Girl #1: Air Freshener, Free Range Eggs, Sanitary Towels and red wine.
* Chanel 9: Fon 13th Nationale Filme & Telli-Welli Awarden #1 - "*Categorios Dramatico*"
(1: "*Thrombosis*", 2: "*Conflicta Urbana*" and 3: "*El Amora y El Passionne*").
* The Historian: Head Boy
* Competitive Dad: Sore Loser
* Weller's dialogue about comedy.
* The Hardest Game in the World about a Vicar.
* Jess's Fashion Tips: No Pants and No Vest.
* Jazz Club: Stepney Green and the New Headhunters
* Rowley Birkin QC: Tribal Chief
* Billy Bleach stops a woman from sitting on the bench.
* He's Never Done That Before #1: Retrieve Command.
* The Hurried Poor run to the alleyway.
* Chanel 9: Fon 13th Nationale Filme & Telli-Welli Awarden #2 - Program Comedia
(1: "*Plip e Plop Don Comeddia Explosionne*", 2: "*Ton Twelf Ronnies*" and 3: "*Malle Hombres Disgustante*").
* Billy Bleach stops a man from sitting down in church.
* Chanel 9: Fon 13th Nationale Filme & Telli-Welli Awarden #3 - Presentara Meteorologicos
(1: "*Willi Woolymann*", 2: "*Bibi*" and 3: "*Poula Fisch*").
* The Hurried Poor rush past a fountain.
* The Insecure Woman poses outside an igloo.

#### **Series 3, Show 6**

* He's Never Done That Before #2: Long Distance Command

#### **Series 3, Show 7**

* He's Never Done That Before #3: Obstacle Course.
* The posh Cockney couple sit at a Northern pub.
* The first set of ending credits.
* He's Never Done That Before #4: Go, Quail, Go!
* The second set of closing credits.
* The Historian is fooling about with a cane.
* The last two credits and 1997 copyright stamp

#### **Series 3, Show 8**

* The Fast Show opening logo.
* Ted and Ralph #27: Life Goes On / ending credits.
* Suit You, Sir #: Put the boxer pants back on the mannequin.
* The last two credits and the 1997 copyright stamp.

#### **The Last Fast Show Ever: Part 1**

* The unknown traveller is in a hole on a map.
* The 13th Duke of Wybourne: In the Gynaecology Department.

## One-off special segments

Here is the list of segments for the 1999 one-off special of the Fast Show that is featured on disc 6 in the box set.

#### **You Ain't Seen These, Right?**

* The Air Raid Warden's monologue.
* Fast Show: You Ain't Seen All Of These... Right? opening logo.
* The King #1: The Idiotic Court Jester.
* I've Been Up All Night Shagging #1: Office.
* Ted and Ralph #28: The Moustache.
* Women's Things: Breast Cancer ---
* The Brilliant Kid is told to "shut it" many times whilst chatting about girls.
* The Angry Driver #1: A yell at the paper seller!
* Lunch on the Transporter Bridge: Elvis.
* The Angry Driver #2: What are you wearing shorts for?
* Conventional Cop: New Partner ---
* Patrick Nice #: The Clintons and the Blairs.
* Some people just love Mints skit.
* Chris the Crafty Cockney #: Computer.
* Conventional Cop: The Law is the Law ---
* The Angry Driver #3: A yell at the builder!
* I've Been Up All Night Shagging #2: Phone.
* Women's Things: Smear Test
* The Unknown Traveller In a Cattle Trough.
* Two Bored Men in a Chess Match.
* The King #2: See the Fat Man fall over.
* Ted and Ralph #29: Hiding in the Trees
* Conventional Cop: Son's Birthday
* Unlucky Alf: The Dog Bites Alf.
* Women's Things: Miriam Stoppard.
* The Angry Driver #4: A Shout about shops!
* Midlife Crisis #1: Golfing Excuses
* Classical Buskers play 'Eine Kleine Nachtmusik' badly.
* Conventional Cop: The Book
* Midlife Crisis #2: Not a Child.
* The Historian: a Christmas dialogue.
* The King #3: The Entertaining Minstrels.
* Ron Manager: Backwards.
* The Angry Driver #5: A yell about a ponytail!
* A group of injured people sit round the fire
* Patrick Nice #: Sealed Knot Society.
* Tommy Cockles' Golden Moments #: Blame Arthur! Blunt Scissors
* The nun fight on the castle ground.
* Midlife Crisis #3: Restaurant.
* Jesse's Fashion Tips: Pastels.
* Girl Men Can't Hear #: Directions.
* Patagonian Buskers play music on a escalator.
* Dave Morris: Police Station.
* Unlucky Alf #: Stuck in the mud in bare feet.
* Andy: I'm a Married Man.
* The Offroaders: The Model Plane.
* The King #4: The Adviser's chat with the King.
* The Ponce in the Garden trailer skit.
* No Offence: Burt Reynolds' Toupee.
* The Isle of Man: Evil does not exist.
* Prole in the Garden --- Dave Morris: Art Gallery
* Billy Bleach: World Snooker Championship --- Pissed at Work
* Rowley Birkin QC: Amazonian Rainforest
* The Ranting Driver: Details About Everybody!
* Midlife Crisis #4: The tattoo of a scab.
* Competitive Dad #: Arm-Wrestling with his sons and wife.
* The grumpy Eskimo leaves his igloo.
* The Historian #: A dialogue about death.
* I've Been Up All Night Shagging #3: Pulled Over
* Our Janine: Supermodel (previously seen).
* A discussion about invitations.
* Ted & Ralph #30: The Walking Suit of Armour.
* The Angry Driver #6: A shout about a bus!
* Ted and Ralph #31: A Surprise for Ted.
* Midlife Crisis #5: A Lad's Night Out.
* The New Year's Resolution.
* Midlife Crisis #6: A dicussion with Kinky.
* The first set of ending credits.
* Ted struggles to hear Ralph calling him.
* The second set of ending credits.
* The Angry Driver #7: the yell of "Aaarrrgghhh!".
* The last credit and the 1999 copyright stamp.

## Episode Cast

#### **Series 1, Show 2**

* Caroline Aherne as the old sister on "*Deviants*".
* Mark Williams as the old brother on "*Deviants*".

#### '*Series 1, Show 3*

* Caroline Aherne as the old sister on "*Holidays*".
* Mark Williams as the old brother on "*Holidays*".

#### **Series 1, Show 4**

* Caroline Aherne as the old sister on "*Vegetables*".
* Mark Williams as the old brother on "*Vegetables*".

#### **Series 2, Show 6**

* Paul Whitehouse as the Brilliant kid on "*Snowboarding etc.*".

#### **Series 2, Show 7**

* Paul Whitehouse as Chris the Crafty Cockney on "*Platform Robbery*".
* Arabella Weir as the mother with the buggy on "*Platform Robbery*".

#### **Series 3, Show 1**

* Mark Williams as the idiotic twit on "*Eggs, Butter and Potatoes*".
* Eryl Maynard as the irritated wife on "*Eggs, Butter and Potatoes*".

#### **Series 3, Show 2**

* Mark Williams as the idiotic twit on "*Tonic Water, Wine and Lemons*".
* Eryl Maynard as the irritated wife on "*Tonic Water, Wine and Lemons*".

#### **Series 3, Show 4**

* Mark Williams as the idiotic twit on "*Stuff from the Garden Centre*".
* Eryl Maynard as the irritated wife on "*Stuff from the Garden Centre*".

#### **Series 3, Show 7**

* Mark Williams as the idiotic twit on "*Beer, Crisps and Nuts*".
* Eryl Maynard as the irritated wife on "*Beer, Crisps and Nuts*".

## One-off special cast

#### **You Ain't Seen These, Right?**

* Mark Williams as the angry driver on "",