Ukraine

## Overview

At the height of the war in Ukraine, President Bruce takes it upon himself to deploy a task force of Soupyheroes to push back invading Russian forces and negotiate with Vladimir Pewtin over the end of the war.

## Ukraine Task Force

This group of Soupers selected was meticulously curated by Bruce and Ms. Cushnie. The initial insurge saw the Soupyheroes dropped out of an aeroplane via parachute straight onto the battlefront.

### Derby

Ms. Cushnie and Bruce both immediately recognized Derby would be essential for transport across the endless battleground. They tried to accommodate for his limited supply of blood by stuffing his hamster cheeks with bags of more hamster blood, but Derby would still have to transform into fueled vehicles for crucial reasons only. When the taskforce jumped from the plane, Derby became a hang glider and soared farther ahead until he was on top of the Russian Trenches. Back in hamster form, he slowly drifted downwards with his little parachute until he was right above the Russians, and then transformed into an 18-wheeler, crushing several soldiers. Derby was nearly sideways in a trench but drove forwards at maximum speed. His little hamster head pursued an entire line of soldiers scrambling for their lives, most of which ended in a pulp between the end of the trench and Derby's face. In order to get around but reserve his blood, Derby turns into a three-seat bicycle which the other heroes ride.

### Alcoholocaust

Alcoholocaust was selected to serve as the main fighter of the taskforce due to his strength in open-areas and because of access to Russian vodka. The Russian soldiers had such high BAC from all the vodka that in the middle of battles, Alcoholocaust would begin sucking them dry of their blood to upkeep his own BAC and powers. Vladimir Pewtin would eventually tempt Alcoholocaust with his expansive vodka cellar, and for some time Alcoholocaust would fight alongside the Russian army, until he began to miss the foamy embrace of an IPA and returned home.

### Scab

Scab was selected due to his ruthlessness and adaptability; perfect for battling through the fields of Ukraine. Ms. Cushnie understood he would be able to scavenge for new weaponry and ammunition after skirmishes, being well versed in all manner of firearms, while Bruce was adamant in his assertion that Scab was "a true American soldier." On the day of deployment, Scab like the badass daredevil he was decided to jump the plane without his parachute, already wielding and firing his dual pistols at seemingly nothing. This continued for half the fall until Scab put his guns back and stuck his fist downwards, preparing to stick the illest superhero landing of all time. Upon impact with the ground Scab's arm instantly snapped backwards and he received concussive fractures up his entire body putting him into cardiac arrest. Somehow Scab survived but this put him into a coma. Derby transformed into a helicopter and airdropped him to the nearest encampment, where they both stayed for a hamster blood transfusion. After initial treatment Scab was sent back to the city for an eight-month hospital stay which Bruce paid off using the entire veteran's services budget for that year.

### Cannonball

When Cannonball jumped out of the plane he fell like a brick inside another brick. Deploying his parachute did nothing to slow his descent, and the impact was so powerful it let out a small shockwave knocking down all the Russian soldiers and sending Cannonball 50 feet into the Earth. Derby needed to transform into a crane in order to get Cannonball out of the pit. His purpose was to be more of an object than a fighter. Alcoholocaust would casually throw him like a titanium football up to incredible speeds, going through Russian battlements like anti-tank rounds. Derby would also turn into cherry pickers or cranes and drop him into trenches on top of soldiers. Even better was when Alcoholocaust also lept off Derby while holding Cannonball, soaring straight downwards after performing a multitude of drunken olympic flips.

### Ten Ben

Ten Ben was selected for recon missions and negotiations. For the initial jump he transformed into the most aerodynamic boy and safely made his way to the ground, returning to his alien form for a short bout of combat. Deeper within Ukraine, Ben transformed into a small boy and was sent into a Russian encampment to be captured. After being relocated to a child labor camp, he transformed back and began his escape, prompting the other soupyheroes to attack from the outside. Eventually reaching Pewtin, Ten Ben turned into the most frail boy and began crying, begging Pewtin to "stop the war." Pewtin tried to eat him and Alcoholocaust, then on Pewtins side, punted Ben like a football a few miles away.

## Resolution

The Soupyheroes made no significant progress in the war but caused 62,000 casualties. President Bruce was still recognized for his efforts and this greatly bolstered his ranking for the reelection.