Darth Vader

"*That was pretty wizard.*"
―Darth Vader
No one knows of **Darth Vader'**s true origin. The only thing known is that he first made his appearance around the time of order 666, which was also around the same time Anakin Skywalker died. Coinsidence??? I think not!

## Biography

### The Kid With Incredible Acting

In what can only be described as a subtle parallel to biblical stories, Darth Vader was a virgin birth. Then he was immediately put to work as a slave, working for Alf's gambling cousin. In his free time, Vader built a fucking robot. A fucking robot that his owner didn't capitalize on. A FUCKING ROBOT.

### THE MOST AWESOME THING YOU WILL EVER WITNESS IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE!

I don't care if the other sections aren't filled up yet, because this scene was FAWKING AWESOME! So the rebels are all like, "Oh shit, the door's locked, man things can't get any worse!" But then there's this breathing and Darth Vader shows up and he's all like, "waddup noobs." So the Rebels fire their little pee-shooters at him, but Darth Vader is all like, "Fuck dat shit!" and he deflects that shit back at some of them. Then he uses his force powers to lift an asshole to the ceiling so he can slice the fucker in half!

Then some rebel fires at him and Vader just deflects his blast back at the dumbass. Then he force pulls away all their guns and just starts hacking the fuckers to pieces. Then one guy is about to fire, but then Vader force choke slams him against a wall. But then the Rebels think a fucking door can stop Vader. Ain't no fucking door gonna stop Vader, so Vader stabs a fucker and opens the door and proceeds to fuck everyone's shit up. However, a small group of rebels manage to escape, forcing Vader to badassly watch them leave, because he know's that he'll catch up to them between movies.

### Break time

Despite showing an amazing display of power and dexterity in the scene above, that fight apparently tired out Vader for the rest of the original trilogy, as the only thing he does in these films is stand around menacingly while swinging around his saber. Maybe that's why he breathes so heavily. He's catching his breath.

#### Babysitting for the Empire

An often overlooked aspect of Vader's history with the Empire was his relationship with the working class. Often would he go down to the vault rooms to see how his young cadets were fairing in combat training. He seldom killed anyone, as every single one of the troopers displayed expert marksmanship and arms handling. Although he would, from time to time, choke some of the underperforming trainees so as to motivate the others.

One of his biggest regrets on the battlefront was discovering that his army was too short to completely put on their helmets, blocking their line of sight and making them useless in fights, as they would miss every single shot. The frustration this caused him is also one of the major causes he was always tired in the original trilogy. It was at this time that Vader proposed to the Empire that they stop using Jango Fett clones and instead set up Imperial sign-up centers across the galaxy.

## Personality

He is an asshole. He also thinks spinning is a good trick. Much of his personality is just made of standing in front of others, giving them an order in a low registry, and then breathing heavily until they go do it out of fear of what he may do them if they just stand there. Despite this, he still shows a more subdued and respectful manner when in presence of his Imperial superiors, mostly keeping quiet during meetings aside from his breathing. He listens to all their orders, but then fucks off when the meeting is over and just repeats the same plan of having his troopers burst into their objective, blast some rebels to establish dominance, and then have him walk in cunningly near the end.

## Powers & Abilities

### Pow​ers

* **Force User**
	+ **Telekinesis**:  Much like other siths, Vader can move, hover and bend objects just by using pure focus and will power.
	+ **Choke:** Vader has the unique ability to strangle someone using his mind alone.  Combined with **Telekinesis**, Vader can thrash people back and forth through the air by their neck.  Many wonder why he didn't just this power all the time.  He could pretty much kill anyone just by moving his hand a little bit.
* **Able to kick Satele Shan's ass in anything**: ANYTHING! I win that argument, damnit! I WIN!}
* **Boombox:** Although left unexplained in the franchise, Vader has the ability to summon John William's *The Imperial March* whenever he walks into a room to make his presence known, and also make it play in a slower and deeper pitch whenever there's establishing shots of Star Destroyers or Death Stars.

### Abilities

* **Stubbornness**: The guy's been electrocuted, had all his limbs hacked off, was burned alive, had a limb hacked off again, and was electrocuted once again before he finally kicked it. Even then, he merely died just because his systems were failing!

* **Asthma**: This guy had the ability to threaten someone or turn them on just by inhaling and exhaling.
	+ "Damn, he's so sexy I can't even breath around him! Almost as if there was an invisible hand crushing my windpipe!" — Imperial

* **Spinning**: It's a good trick.