Hypocritical Humor

* This Troper is a member of an Anime club where the phrase (spoilered for language) Quit your goddam swearing you motherfucking shithead is a group Catch Phrase.
	+ Said club also includes a furvert who almost always wears cat ears and a tail and is usually very quick about finding yiff in Artists' Alley at conventions, but is not immune to Squick from other members. One of his common comments is to call someone else a freak or pervert (Sometimes using the word hentai) and follow it up with the phrase "Said the guy with the tail"
	+ Similarly, This Troper, while on his Senior trip in high school, brought his DS with him. Whenever someone in the cabin was being rude or running around in their underwear or whatever, he'd yell out, "Stop being so childish, you guys! Now excuse me as I go back to playing Pokémon. Go, Pikachu, go!".
	+ One variation this troper likes to use is "Watch your fucking pottymouth" (obviously not spoilered for language). This has caught on with friends who sometimes ratchet it up a notch by adding the most creative vulgarity they can at the end, eg: "Watch your fucking pottymouth, [cumdumpster/goatbugger/cheesedick/asswhore/unclefucker]!"
* This troper's father, who's a millwright instructor, is fond of telling his classes "four out of three people don't understand fractions." What's scary is the number of people who do not get the joke.
* This troper is guilty: During a war between my buddies and the Monday Night WWE geeks, the latter pre-empted us and stole the TV in the lounge of our dorms. They then teased my friends by asking "Want to watch with us?" Despite knowing we hated Wrestling. I couldn't resist. My response: "Why would I want to watch grown men run around tights when Heroes is on?"
	+ Yes, I know Heroes has no tights, but the genre of the show still allows the humor to be understood by the WWE fans.
		- Now this troper is thinking about what it would be like if there were tights. Damn.
		- "I'm Hayden Panettiere, and I'm hot enough that I probably have your attention for at least 30 seconds."
	+ This troper witnessed a similar situation when living in a dorm during WWE's Attitude era; the one female member of our group chastized us for going nutso over some of the female wrestlers, just on the other side of a commercial break from her swooning over The Rock.
		- That reminds me of those "sexist", "objectification", etc. stickers that Straw Feminist groups create and stick on street advertising which contains scantly clad women, but never on advertising that contains scantly clad men.
* It was in my freshman year of high school during math class, and there was a knock on the door. When the teacher went to open it, I said "Who goes there?" as a joke, and then my teacher shouted "EASY!!" Man, saying it like that, it sounds like she needs to follow her own advice.
* "Smoking, ugh filthy habit" as you lend someone a light, ideally with a cigarette in your mouth.
	+ This troper's 7-foot-2, 300-plus-pound roommate used to tell people, "Don't smoke, it stunts your growth." Followed by a long, slow drag off a Camel.
		- Maybe he doesn't WANT to smoke. Quitting smoking is HARD, according to what I've heard.
		- Two things. Is this roommate well-built or just large and if he is well built can I get an introduction?
		- I shudder to think how behemothlike this Juggernaut would be sans smoking.
	+ This troper loved to do that, but unlike the above example, he's only 5'8.
* My 4th grade teacher once told the class that they shouldn't eat candy in front of others who don't have candy. The very next day she ate candy in front of the whole class, with the exact same candy she used in her example the day before. Also, my mother wouldn't allow me to do a point of view paper on a vocaloid song because in it, someone's head gets chopped off. The sugestion of the vocaloid song came after my mother told me to think of another story to do a point of view on because I was having trouble doing one for The Pearl, in which a babys head is shot off. Also, I had wanted to do a self demonstrating joke with this entry here, which is why these aren't exactly examples, but I seem to have forgotten what I was going to do... whoops.
	+ Would said song be 'Servant of Evil', by any chance?
		- Daughter of Evil actualy, I'd have to do the point of view from something other then the original, and since my teacher doesn't know that every vocaloid in that story has been given a point of view...
		- Well that must've stunk...
	+ This troper would label that as her being a Sadist Teacher as well.
* My English professor recently stated, "Now, English professors tend to get accused of being obsessed with sex..." before going on to unintentionallyprove that, in fact, she is. Few students in the class agreed with her that Sherlock Holmes mysteries are drenched with an undercurrent of incestuous rape, and even fewer agreed that a circular buzz saw is commonly used as a symbol for the female reproductive system.
	+ My god that second one goes right into Nightmare Fuel
* This troper does this sort of thing near-constantly. He figures that, eventually, someone might get it.
* This Troper, While scarfing down a taco, said "Don't eat so fast, you'll get sick"
* My favorite case came with a guy who basically lampshaded his own Hypocritical Humor. I was talking to an Irish guy fresh off the boat in the US, mostly about Irish liquor and such. When I mentioned Bushmills Whiskey, the guy got a fond look in his eye and said "ah, that's the good stuff. Made by the Protestants ya know, so I'll never admit that I drink it but I do."
* In this tropers grade nine gym class a certain kid named Alex Crawford would jokingly insult pretty much any acquaintance he ever had including this troper, so one day during soccer he told a kid named Joao to "Stop making fun of people" I called him on it and said "you're one to talk". He acted in total bewilderment and was confused about what I said and walked away.
	+ Sounds like something this troper could have done when he was younger, with the last part being a completely intentional continuation of the joke. A lot of people didn't get the jokes.
* This troper, a fan of Shoot Em Ups, Rhythm Games, and Tetris: The Grand Master tends to occasionally say something along the lines of "Meh, who gives a crap about some Dead Horse Genre of games / some lame Guitar Hero ripoff [if the rhythm game in question is older than Guitar Hero] / just another Tetris clone?"
* This troper's Mary Sue friend once got a 98 on her midterms and said she was slacking. This was followed by my line of "This message has been brought to you by the mouth of the honor roll, soccer captain, science olympiad, going on three dates over the weekend slacker."
* I (the grammar here is screwed up if I use third person) was sitting at my lunch table, talking to a friend of a friend who didn't hang out at our table very often. The friend made a comment about how violent we all seemed, and I started explaining that really, we're not so violent. This explanation was interrupted by me stopping to yell at my friend to quit kicking me. I pretty much stopped talking after that.
* This Troper once started explaining how she disliked Harry Potter fandom...while wearing a Snape T-shirt. She lampshaded it, saying "This probably isn't the best shirt for me to be saying all this in, is it?"
* This troper's friend in drama club begrudgingly accepted a few potato chips when she didn't have any lunch, saying they would make her fat. Two minutes later, another girl gave her half of her calzone, and she promptly scarfed the whole thing down.
* This troper knows people that absolutely loathe Star Trek. To the point they can list what's wrong with every single episode of all the series. Hmm......
	+ I loathe Twilight to the point of listing what's wrong with every single book. I also feel you cannot criticise something you haven't experienced. Those who do otherwise are hard to take seriously.
* To this Venezuelan troper's opinion, is quite funny how the Venezuelan government accuses the opposition of fascism while calling the president Commander, diving the political parties as battalions, having their members going around in military uniforms and finishing speeches with "Fatherland, Socialism and Death. We shall be victorious!"
	+ Did your government ever think that the reason that the US and Venezuela are on such tense relations with one another is because whenever our governments get together Chavez acts like a dick?
* This troper responds to any kind of product placement on 4chan's /tg/ board with "If you viral market on my /tg/, I will reach out of your flashy new GameScience dice and strangle you".
* this troper:Stevie: Shut the fuck up.

Me: Dude, do you kiss your mother with that fucking mouth of yours?

Stevie: Yeah.

* This troper is a lazy and hypocritical bastard, and she knows it. Yet, she hates how Humanity doesn't do anything to make world a better place, and how Protestantism is hypocritical about saying that Catholicism is the son of the Devil, but rebelled from such with the exact same reason Lucifer has rebelled against God (equalling him in power and control, with a different set of rules).
	+ Yeah, that would be an interpretation, rather than a recounting. I.e., a Protestant will tell you they rebelled against the Catholics because they STARTED MAKING STUFF UP. Any non-proponent of religion will crack up here; as YOU CHANGED IT NOW IT SUCKS.
* After this Troper's Uncle and Aunt called to let us know what a wonderful time they had at our house (In particular, they mentioned how delicious my sister's baking was) she replied "It's a slow-working poison".
	+ I'm not sure that counts as this trope, but it is hilarious.
* This troper was once sitting at the dinner table with her parents, talking about whatever came to mind. At some point, she scolded them with, "Tsk tsk, you're so impatient," a split second before turning to the perpetually barking dog and yelling, "BE QUIET!"
* There was a wank on Fandom Wank about someone writing a sort of reverse-Slash Fic. That is, they made a canonically gay character straight. Regular slash-ficcers were outraged, but the only coherent reason was that it was implying that homosexuality "wasn't good enough". This troper found it hilarious that the authour was going "It's just smut! It doesn't mean anything!" in bewilderment, which is the most common slasher defense. Making straight characters gay for your squiggly feelings ain't exactly the moral high ground either. There was also a slasher saying men shouldn't write slash. At all. Male or female. Even if they are themselves gay.
	+ This troper finds it kind of comedic that a canonically gay character could not be made bi for smut purposes with the opposite sex. I would find that perfectly adequate.
		- How many slashfics actually involve bisexuals? Aren't they often just "welp, gay now. Gotta sleep with my attractive best friend."?
* This troper and her friends were talking one morning when one of them started discussing an internet game called Torture; the object of the game was to kill the victim in the goriest way possible...using A K47s, rifles, swords, etc. This following conversation occurred:
Troper: That is just sick!

Friend#1: Sounds cool to me; great for practice—I mean, relieving stress...

Friend#2 (the one talking about Torture): There's also this game with those voodoo dolls, where you can use pins and hammers and stuff on them.

Troper: Sweet!

Friend#1: What the hell?! You say that Torture is sick, but you wanna play a game that involves stabbing a doll?!

Troper: It's a whole different scenario!

Friend#1: Oh, please! You're just as sadistic as the rest of us are!

* This troper spent one session on a forum inserting a TV Tropes link into about every second or third post she made, then reassured another poster that he wasn't a cesspool of incoherence unless he "managed to link to some stupid wiki with every other post". And those words were linked to this page.
* This troper did this in a fanfic he wrote. In one scene, the main character—who has seen a mermaid the night before—is asking sailors if they've ever seen a mermaid. One says that he doesn't believe in such silly tales. He only believes in God's word. Of course, he's not sure if very many people got the joke, as it's a subtle Take That against religion.
	+ Subtle like a flaming brick to the face.
* Sort of unintentional on my part: I hate the colour pink.
	+ Classmate: Then, why are you wearing that shirt? It's pink.
	+ I do despise the colour pink, but the shirt was: A. Comfortable, and B. The first clean thing my groping hands found that morning. So, those facts kinda canceled out my unhappiness at the colour.
* This troper's motto is "Just cause I'm a hypocrite doesn't mean you can be one too!"
* Back in my day, I didn't toss "back in my day" insults at younger kids! I'm 20.
* This troper, to a new guy at the comic shop: And don't bend the spines on the new comics when you read them.New Guy: But, you're doing that right now.

Me(realizing I am): You didn't let me finish! don't bend the spines on the new comics when you read them, unless you intend to pay for them.

New Guy: So you're going to buy that issue of Onslaught Reborn.

Me: Probably not, it sucks.

* This Troper tends to use stealthy Hypocritical Humor, by criticizing groups of people he's in. For example "Only a complete nerd could go to the cinema to see Revenge of the Sith" while sitting in the first row.
* This (female) Troper tends to unleash her inner Straw Feminist when someone says something along the lines of "the difference between men and women is that men are rational and women are emotional." Needless to say, her inner Straw Feminist is not the most rational person. Fortunately, said troper does have the good humor to realize what she's doing, quit it, and laugh at herself.
* Excel-2009. I attend a Christian school. This morning one of my classmates asked anyone if they hoped that the professor wouldn't show up. I said back, "That's a horrorble, unchristian thing to say. But, yeah, I do."
* Came up earlier today, in a chat conversation this troper was in (when some other people were discussing pot): "I don't do any of that horrible shit, I wouldn't defile my body with drugs like that! \*takes another swig from his 32 oz. UberCaf soda\*"
* In this troper's high school he's heard African Americans refer to other people as the n-word, and then laughing about it. Do they even know who that word was created for?
* This troper and a friend once started doing jumping jacks for no particular reason, causing my roommate to remark disapprovingly that it was "not the behavior of sane people." Prior to this, she had compared her hair to an Iron Maiden guitar solo, complete with sound effects. Afterward, she claimed to feel as "fresh as a spring falcon", almost fell down the stairs en route to our dorm room, did Airplane Arms going down the hallway, and intentionally startled me while I was holding a cup of tea, although she knew I was holding a cup of tea and was not attempting to make me hate her.
* I personally am a fan of Hypocritical Humour. I do it a lot, too. Whenever I get pissed (which is a lot), I generally punch the person annoying me. Every now and then, someone comes onto the scene and says something along the lines of, "Well, aren't you violent?" I respond by saying, "Not that much," and punching them in the process.
* My logic lecturer: "But WE ARE ENGENEERS. We don't need to think".
* Jonn knows a young woman who calls a three-year old kid "baby". The young woman in question is two.
* This Troper had a friend claim that people who were good at math were also uncreative. As a joke, said troper attempted to deny it in the most Straw Vulcan way she could.
* This Chivalrous Pervert is occasionally called out for reprimanding Lovable Sex Maniacs, Handsome Lechs, and Leisure Suit Larry's.
	+ Myself - "You are a disgusting pervert, how dare you speak to this gorgeous lady like that!"
	+ Random Friend - "Johnny, you're a pervert too."
	+ Myself - "I am aware of that."
* After a long drive, our group was getting a little antsy to get to our destination. This troper's brother, the driver, remarked about the rest of us: "Gettin' a little stir-crazy in here..." and maybe a millisecond after that screamed "GGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" as the car in front of us was a little slow on the turn. "Gettin' a little stir-crazy here" became the running joke of the trip.
* Twilightsucks.com is filled with lots of riffing on Twilight fans who can't take any criticism of the books. The hypocritical part comes in because threads that hold Harry Potter to the same very high standard that us antis hold Twilight to are consistently trolled by a couple of users informing them that they're WRONG and HP IS OMG THE BEST BOOK EVUH!11!! and one user (an administrator, no less!) at one point decided to wage a one man war on the antis who despise the new Star Trek film.
* In this troper's ethics class, there was an assignment to read a book about moral relativism and answer questions on a worksheet. The writers of the book used overly complicated language in describing everything. So, for this troper's conclusion on the worksheet, he decided to write an essay as a Stealth Parody of the writers' style of writing, using pretentious language throughout and abusing the Thesaurus feature of Microsoft Word when I was stuck for a comple word. In one part of the essay, I complained about the "overly loquacious syntax" of every sentence the writers wrote. (This troper's only hope is that his teacher, with his warped sense of humor, will get the joke.)
* This troper witnessed an instance that overlapped with The Fundamentalist. In a discussion about what distinguishes faith from fundamentalism, a person brought up a difference between Orthodox Christianity and Catholicism (all this took place in Italy): namely, that Catholics believe in the existence of Purgatory while Orthodox Christians don't. I thought the argument would go as "Seeing a church as the only good one and the other as wrong because of a detail like this is what a Fundamentalist would do". I was quite disappointed to hear the person - an Orthodox - say that believing in something as useless as Purgatory is fundamentalism, while adhering to Orthodoxy is faith.