Monkeyman's Marks

DR. MONKEYMAN painstakingly watched every single GRA race video so that you don't have to! Below is his tier guide for all race videos.

Reviews (Top 10 Only For Now):

10. Crash The Wrath of Cortex - Surprised by this only being #10? I kinda am too, but... here's the thing. There are several instances midway through this race where there's people constantly talking over each other and it becomes kind of a clusterfuck to listen to. I didn't notice it AS much as first, but when doing the highlights race it became extremely noticeable and a bit much at times, so I gotta dock points for that. Beyond that, this is a really funny let's race/rage with so many hilarious moments and lines to the point that it filled up half of my season 4 highlights video alone. The hilarious foreshadowing of the DNF'ing on Cortex, "You fucking red motherfucking dick ass shit!", Tooney getting stuck on the third boss forever and leaving to take a smoke midway through, the return of the Electric Avenue running joke, Tooney somehow beating the final boss first try and crying tears of joy, the fact that Oppai actually almost beat Micky somehow, Thunder's constant simmering throughout but actually pushing through and finishing in the end, and the entire last 20 minutes where everyone is so over the game that they all sound drunk... it's all great stuff.

9. Spyro 2 Champion’s Cup (Group B > A in terms of commentary but both were good) - One of the only actually super serious and competitive races on the channel, but a very good example of how to do it well because this was still really funny in a lot of areas. Garion’s bingo challenge and everyone trying to talk him out of it as he just continues and annoys everyone to the point that Wally wants to switch groups midway through is the obvious comedic highlight of it all, followed by Wally deciding to handicap himself by playing the game two times at once and changing controllers each time he finished a boss, yet still somehow finishing BOTH runs ahead of four people, Lucas accidentally giving misinformation to tooney on how to pull off a glitch leading to him getting stuck, only for Lucas to make a serious error with the exact same glitch himself later on, successfully soft locking his game and forcing him to start over, Daniel Davidson repeatedly slamming spyro’s head into the wall for five whole minutes trying to get a glitch to work, and Skater just sounding like he’s half asleep during the whole entire thing.

8. Crash 3 Gem Race Champion's Cup - The best of the three Champion's Cups so far I'd say, although not by much as all three were pretty great. (And of the individual groups I'd say A > C > B in terms of commentary; my group honestly had the worst commentary of the three even if it was still decent). Oh man, this was so competitive and insane but also so funny at the same time. The top 3 are all within three minutes of each other finishing-wise, and 6th place (me) through 9th place (Tooney) are all within five minutes of finishing within each other and are all super close as well. I was even ahead of Micky for a good chunk of this race for the only race ever somehow which I am pretty proud of until he overtook me in the fourth world. And comedy-wise, oh man. You had Looper's rage quit and everyone across all three groups being greatly confused by it, Dessert Monkey sounding like he's in his own world or just recorded his audio on his own time because he sounds completely out of sync with everyone else in his group, my very first death of the race about 25 minutes in being body-slamming into a pit WITH invincibility Aku Akus, Group C constantly saying "OH FUCK OFF" about every 45 seconds, Danta managing to actually finish the entire challenge despite being completely blind after over three hours and not finishing in last due to Looper's rage quit, and even in spite of him breaking down and crying midway through, complete with the amazing "I DID IT GUYS! I'M GOOD AT CRASH NOW!!!" to end the race, TK's footage just being completely fucked and just basically being stills that only changes once every 5 minutes until it eventually completely breaks, to where Tooney lampshaded it in editing by changing his name to "Microsoft Powerpoint" :joy: This was a really fun one all-around in so many ways.

7. Freedom Planet Team Tryhard - Oh man, what an absolute delight this was. This race is honestly kind of emotional in a weird way too, because it felt like the final chapter of the RJWaters & Friends saga before he officially passed over the PS1 racing crew torch to GRA, as this is the final appearance of SuccintAndPunchy (aside from the second group of this a month later), Ballistic Clipboard, and Combat Lobster and Ultigonio outside of the joke Parappa The Rapper race. After this, there's no more race vids with them in it :cry: So it's truly the end of an era and essentially a transition into GRA becoming ~THE NEXT GENERATION~ of that, and it's where the chronicles TRULY begin. Beyond that, even though Punchy steamrolls everyone in this race, it's still incredibly entertaining and fun to watch no less thanks to lots of great commentary by all five members of this race, all of which have had loads of experience of it in the past and knew what they were doing. Special highlight goes to Clipboard in particular, who was constantly hilarious throughout and also constantly raging, and yet he actually pushed through in the end and managed to end his racing career on a high note by only finishing his second race ever after his very first one (the Spyro 1 RJWaters one), after having a streak of about five DNF's in a row in-between. His screen especially was really delightful to watch his painful journey that had an amazing ending to it all. It's such a great race all-around, and arguably the end (and a great one at that) of the RJWaters Saga of the Racing Community.

6. Crash 3 Group 1 - What is there to say about this race that hasn't already been said? Every single person who was in this race except EP also streamed it adding to the extra hilarity of people commenting in chats as it went along, with even the early controversy early on about the channel being full of nerds or whatever. Beyond that, this was a pretty competitive race even if most people ended up finishing way behind Micky, so much so that basically everyone was on Tiny at the exact same time except EP. Comedy-wise it's not AS good as a lot of other races but it certainly has its good share of moments as well, and the group all had excellent chemistry with each other. Garion DNF'ing on the final boss continued that running gag of people DNF'ing on the final boss in Crash games. Shin and Ratchet finished within a minute of each other in an intense race for third. Everyone for the most part seemed like they were having a great time with it. It was a fun one all-around.

5. Crash Bash - it really says a lot when a 5 hour long race can hold my attention all throughout it, but this manages to accomplish that and it’s amazing. This race is probably the race I’ve returned to more than any other, mostly for podcast form, but I actually have watched almost this entire race. Not just listened to, but WATCHED. This was an absolutely perfect let’s rage for everyone, especially fluffy, micky, tooney, and NST, all of which provide hilarious commentary on that front. Even beyond that though there’s tons of great and hilarious moments that happen throughout that manage to keep me completely engaged from start to finish. Whether it’s Tooney’s constant lame puns, people repeatedly breaking out into song, EP and Hamooken being awkwardly along for the ride but rolling with it, micky and fluffy discussing their struggles within the fast food industry, the constant accidental innuendoes, “I WILL EAT THE LAST FUCKING DINGO, YOU HEAR ME DINGODILE?!”, the people in micky’s twitch chat constantly being horribly confused about things, and more. This is a really engaging and amazing race from start to finish and the first of the five races I’d rank as S tier. Loses some points for the somewhat annoying echoing in the first half, otherwise this would be #4.

4. Croc Group 2 - I thought at first this was recency bias, but no, it really isn't. This genuinely is one of the best races on the entire channel and one of, if not THE most competitive race on the channel. The difference between 1st and 2nd is less than two minutes. The difference between 3rd and 4th is less than a MINUTE. The difference between 5th and 6th is only a few minutes apart. This is a really tense and unpredictable race. DessertMonkey looking like he had this in the bag in a landslide only to repeatedly struggle with the final level before the final boss, allowing Luke to catch up despite being five levels behind, barely overtaking Dessert and pulling off a massive upset comeback victory was one of the most genuinely impressive moments ever. Marcus and Tooney's even more intense battle for third, where Marcus got stuck on the same level for ages but then finally beating it only a minute before Tooney got there and beat it himself, only to then game over on the final boss and allowing Tooney to take 3rd over him just barely. The fact that FOUR PEOPLE (everyone from 3rd-6th) were all on the last level before the final boss at the exact same time... I think that shows how competitive and intense this race was. It was absolutely insane to watch and I loved it. Even beyond that, this race was very funny too. Not just with all the rage everyone exhibited, but there were plenty of other funny moments as well, with quite possibly the funniest moment of all of season 5 so far coming in the form of Crosstown, who was accidentally playing Croc 2 the whole entire time only for people to finally realize it an hour and 40 minutes in, leading to the first ever "DNP" of the channel. Crosstown just sounding high in general throughout this. Cotote being heavily confused on whether Tooney was actually giving him advice or not. NST not understanding the first boss mechanics and being stuck for 15 minutes doing the same mistake over and over. This is a race for the ages.

3. Crash Nitro Kart - This race is sooooooo good on so many levels. Group 2 more-so than group 1, but they're both very good. Yes, Tooney wins this in a landslide, but the race is still very entertaining and filled with loads and loads of great commentary throughout and moments. Oppai's first ever race on the channel complete with him being confused what to do, and him just randomly giving a speech midway through the race like he's on the verge of passing out after being mortally wounded, HolyBajebus's first race as well and then coming out of nowhere to beat Velo FIRST TRY despite having almost no experience with the game and despite everyone else but Tooney struggling with him so much, NST being stuck on Clockwork Wumpa for almost an hour before his TEAMMATE beats the race for him and him being horribly confused at what even happened and how he won, and then several other funny little moments of banter between everyone throughout. And then there's group 2... OH BOY group 2... Crash Nitro Kart Group 2 honestly my be my favorite video of this whole entire channel, even over the top two. And if it was just that video, this would be #1. The Group 1 video on its own would still be top 10 worthy, don't get me wrong, but group 2 oh man. Especially after the first hour it just turns into an absolute clusterfuck in the best possible way. All four people in that group had amazing chemistry with each other commentary-wise, it was super competitive between them, and very funny. The birth of the Electric Avenue joke that somehow never got old with this race because it stayed topical with Vermin getting stuck on Electron Avenue for so long, Garion constantly overly explaining absolutely everything about the game and its lore, the "Vermin always gets third" joke coming back with him repeatedly getting third place in tracks and then even finishing this group in third, Oppai's controller breaking repeatedly in the second half leading to him constantly screaming, the constant really bizarre innuendos (like Oppai's accidental timing when he says he found the next track he was looking for in the hub world right after Thunder says "up my ass", and Thunder saying "fuck Geary" while Vermin says that "nobody wants to fuck his metallic dick"), the constant rage that all the players present throughout, everyone eventually getting to a point where they're laughing so much they can barely even speak, and the ending. Oh man, that ending. Garion and Thunder are neck and neck throughout with Vermin and Oppai being neck and neck for third, but then Thunder gets stuck on Geary for a really long time. Garion gets to Velo first by quite a margin of everyone in this group, and third overall. And yet, he gets stuck on Velo for 50 minutes due to constant bad luck. This allows Thunder to catch back up despite struggling with Geary so much and take out the victory in group 2 in the end, and even better, him being stuck on Geary for so long allowed Oppai to catch up to him, leading to Garion, Oppai, and Thunder to all be on Velo at the same time. Thunder pulled out an upset and won his group, but then Oppai nearly pulled off an even BIGGER upset by almost nabbing the stealth-victory over Thunder and finishing only a minute behind him. Then Vermin also catching up against all odds to Garion because he'd been stuck on Velo for so long, getting third, keeping the third place joke alive, and Garion having gone from first to last in the group due to bad luck, poor dude. It was one hell of an exciting finish though and is up there with Croc Group 2 as one of the best ever, complete with amazing commentary throughout. This video is probably my favorite video on the whole entire channel, even if the race as a whole is not my #1.

2. Spyro Team Beta - How did I only watch this for the first time so recently? This race is so funny in so many ways and it's great to see everyone just slowly get more and more insane as they go on and as the alcohol flows more and more throughout. The fact that everyone gets full-on drunk by the end of this is way too funny. This reminds me a lot of RJ's Spyro 2 race that everyone just slowly goes insane as the race goes on, and this race is the race that MADE GRA if you ask me, as the first few races heavily borrowed a ton of commentary from RJWaters videos, while this one was completely original in its content for the most part. So many great moments of this. NST finishing the game blind in spite of how much he rages throughout it all and in spite of being wasted by the end of the race, EP's constant random loud screaming every two minutes by the last hour of the race due to just being insanely drunk, everyone randomly getting super horny while totally wasted leading to tons of hilariously awkward moments, the true birth of the early Tooney vs. Micky rivalry with Micky nonchalantly being like "I didn't give a fuck about Spyro anyway", just so many great moments in this. This sticks out like a sore thumb compared to the rest of season 1 of being the race that has aged the best and held up the most by far, and the entire last hour especially is a laugh riot.

1. Crash Team Racing - GRA's Magnum Opus. I found this channel and was hooked because of this race. There could not have been a more deserving race to be the top-viewed on the channel. Everything about this race is absolutely brilliant. The insanely close race between Micky and Tooney throughout this. The rivalry between Kazu and Lister as well. EP succeeding everyone's expectations and doing far better than anyone expected. Tooney editing the "where are they now?" credits at the end of the game to go with the events of the race brilliantly and hilariously. NST being stuck on Papu's Pyramid for almost 30 minutes due to getting stuck with the worst turning character of the game. Australian Mum making an absolutely spectacular one-hit wonder appearance and not only podiuming on the race, but being hilarious throughout. There is never a single dull moment of this race. It is really funny from start to finish and has so many iconic quotes, such as "I WILL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR GLOBAL WARMING IF YOU DO NOT GET OUT OF MY WAY RIGHT NOW!", "I hate you, you horrible little mouse! I'm gonna kill you!", "Why is this titty man being so mean?", "Surfers pee in their boxers to keep warm in the Winter", "YEAAAAAH!!! SUCK SOME SHIT YOU LITTLE GREEN FUCK! WOOHOO! I GET TO PEE!!!", "I'm pretty sure Micky hasn't left the house in 20 years", and more. I found this channel because of this race and was hooked instantly and wanted to be a part of it, and this race has really held up and I've found new things to enjoy about it all these years later, and there could not be a more deserving race to be the most viewed on the channel. This race is up there with RJ's best races and Ragny's Kirby Race as one of my favorite racing videos.