ANGRY GRANDPA TELLS GHETTO STORIES ABOUT MICHAEL GREEN!!!

AGP: Today I'm gonna tell you stories about Michael!

Michael: What stories?

AGP: You'll see. Anyway, the first story comes from when he was 3. That motherfucker literally shit in the laundry!

Michael: Okay now...

Bridgette: He really did that?

AGP: Yeah! He really did! And we didn't figure out why our clothes smelled like shit until a week later!

Michael: Why did you tell them that?

AGP: I'm telling them your most ghetto moments!

Michael: Please no...

Bridgette: Tell us more!

AGP: Okay! During the 90s, Michael was a fan of this band named Nirvana.

Michael: So? Every other 90s kid was a fan of Nirvana!

AGP: But Michael was a different type of fan. His room walls were completely covered with anything Nirvana related!

Michael: Oh god!

AGP: And he listened to the Nevermind album like it was church music! He listen to that shit while he went to sleep at full blast!

Bridgette: Is that true?

Michael: Yeah! I was Nirvana's Stan!

AGP: But wait! It gets better! When Kurt Cobain died-

Michael: Please don't tell them this!

AGP: Fuck you! When Kurt Cobain died, Michael was completely emotionless! That boy lost all hope in the world because some musician killed himself with a damn shotgun!

Bridgette: How old was Michael when that happened?

AGP: 6.

Bridgette: And when did he started getting into Nirvana?

AGP: When Nevermind dropped when he was 4.

Bridgette: Oh my god!

Michael: This can't get any worse...

AGP: It did! You stole a shotgun from the nearby gun store and was gonna kill yourself the same way as Kurt Cobain because you said "I wanna see Kurt Cobain in heaven!"

Michael: Oh please... THIS IS TOO FUCKING EMBARRASSING!!!

AGP: Embarrassing is right! Me and Tina whooped your ass and made you return the shotgun and apologize to the shopkeeper!

Bridgette: How would a 6 year old be able to steal a shotgun anyway?

AGP: I don't know, but he did.

Michael: Thank god it's over!

AGP: It's not! There's more!

Michael: **Whines.**

AGP: It was the year 2002. Charlie had joined the US Army to fight in Iraq and Afghanistan before being dishonorably discharged for some shit that I STILL don't understand to this day!

Michael: That is true.

Bridgette: I didn't knew that!

AGP: The reason why he kept quiet is because Michael literally framed him!

Michael: Okay, now how the hell could I have done that?

AGP: You used our goddamn paychecks to pay some rebels to create some scene and have it framed on Charlie!

Bridgette: How old was he?!?!

AGP: Charlie was discharged in 2006, so Michael was 18 or 19 at that time.

Bridgette: Oh my god! And you didn't do anything?!?!

Michael: They paid mom and dad hush money! But of course, he tells it on vlog anyway!

AGP: I don't give a shit! But do you know the most ghetto thing he did ever?

Michael: No... don't tell them this one... I just want to forget it...

Bridgette: Tell it!

AGP: Okay! So in 2008-

Michael: **Takes camera.** We're stopping this-

AGP: GIVE IT!!! **Takes camera.**

Michael: Please don't!

AGP: THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW YOUR GHETTONESS!!! So in 2008, we were going to Palm Desert, California because the mayor had selected us to take a special tour on the city.

Bridgette: Okay. And you didn't told me about this!

Michael: I didn't told you this because you weren't invited and I didn't want you to be jealous!

AGP: So on that tour, however, Michael was being a piece of shit! That kid couldn't stop complaining and roasting everything and everyone! He even called the mayor a beaner!

Bridgette: MICHAEL!!!

Michael: Look, I was young and stupid at the time. I didn't knew any better!

AGP: But that's just the start! He then proceeded to walk up to a palm tree-

Michael: Please stop it right there!

AGP: No! He walked up to a palm tree and proceeded to piss on it!

Bridgette: That's rude!

AGP: He then stole a pack of beer from Walmart, and chugged down all of it, and started saying some really racist shit!

Bridgette: You did?!

Michael: Yes...

AGP: It was so bad, even a white supremacist would cringe by it! He then proceeded to grab the palm tree and raped it!

Bridgette: WHAT?!?! YOU WERE CHEATING ON ME FOR A PALM TREE?!?!

Michael: I WAS DRUNK!!!

AGP: Worse, when the officers tried to arrest him, Michael the motherfucking savage burped and farted in their faces, attacked them with the palm tree, and even blew up a hotel full of people!

Bridgette: Is this true?!

Michael: I remember every goddamn second of it! And that's why I don't drink alcohol!

Bridgette: So why aren't you in prison?

AGP: Me, Tina, and the entire family had to giveaway EVERYTHING just so we can keep Michael out of jail and pay every news outlet, witness, victim, and cop hush money to not talk about this incident! It was the worst moment in my life since my mamma died!

Michael: So in short, I'm a piece of shit who did ghetto things in his past?

AGP: Pretty much. But you've been good lately, and I'm proud of you.

Michael: Thanks pop! Now let's not upload this on YouTube!

AGP: Fuck you! I'm uploading this!

Michael: GODDAMMIT!!!