Battle of the Gods

**Summary:** An argument between Izanami and Loki causes an all out extreme prank battle between the two gods. Meanwhile Kagutsuchi spends some time with Shinigami and Setsuna.

***Note there will be mention of a parody of Naruto in this one along with spoilers for the manga and anime albeit in parody form.***

**(We open up on three things that one cannot help but notice. 1. That the couch is covered in dirt, with Loki unconscious on it. 2. That a flock of pigeons are inside, with Izanami trying to get them out of the apartment, and 3. Shini is on fire.)**

**Shinigami Mikoto:** *GAAAAAAAAH HOW DID THIS HAPPEN WHYYYYYY*

**Kagutsuchi:** IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! I SWEAR!

**Izanami:** *\*throws a shoe at the pigeons\** GET OUT GET OUT GET OUUUUUUUT!

**Setsuna Mikoto:** *\*gets hit in the face with the shoe\** OW! WATCH YOUR AIM!

**Kagutsuchi:** *\*grabs the fire extinguisher and sprays it everywhere\** *No no no no no GAAAAAAAAAAAH-*

**(And freeze-frame!)**

**Kagutsuchi:** *\*narrating\** See the kid with the fire extinguisher currently trying to put out the girl on fire while trying to not get it on him? That's me. Now, I'm sure you're wondering...how did this happen? Let me go back a week ago and tell you.

**(Cue reversing throughout the entire episode until we reach the beginning. One week ago, Izanami comes home from the grocery store.)**

**Izanami:** Loki, Kagu, I'm ho-WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!

**(A spit ball storm hits her in the face. She grumbles angrily, wiping it off her face. Loki standing there with a 'Spit-z-5000' cannon.)**

**Loki:** Um, you're home early....

**Izanami:** *\*deathly calm\** Yes. Yes I am. Now...what. The hell. Did you just do?

**Loki:** I was just testing out this baby that I bought online. It's to settle a prank bet I have with some jotuns.

**Izanami:** And you bought it with my credit card.

**Loki:** Um....yes?

**(she takes a deep breath)**

**Izanami:** Loki, YOU IRRESPONSIBLE BASTARD! THAT'S THE 8TH PRANK CONTRAPTION YOU BOUGHT WITH MY MONEY AND IT ALWAYS RESULTS IN YOU WRECKING UP THE HOUSE! GET A JOB!

**Kagutsuchi:** Hey mom, I was looking through our bank statements and- Oh....

**Loki:** I WAS TRYING TO HAVE FUN! YOU'RE ALWAYS WORKING!

**Izanami:** BUT YOU FLAT OUT USED MY MONEY ON YOUR RIDICULOUS PRANKS! SO YOU WANT A PRANK WAR?! I'LL GIVE YOU ONE!

**Kagutsuchi:** Uh....I'm just gonna go hang with Shini and Tsuna.

**(He awkward slides away.)**

**Loki:** 'Nami, I'm literally the *trickster god*. What sort of prank could you pull on *me?*

**Izanami:** Well, I dunno. This count as a prank? *\*punches him\**

**(Loki ducks it and puts a spider in her hair)**

**Loki:** Nope it doesn't! And you something in your hair.

**Izanami:** WHAT?! GET IT OFF! ALRIGHT IT'S ON!

**(Meanwhile Kagutsuchi had reached the temple he knocks on the door and one of the priestesses let him in. He walks into the sitting room and Shinigami comes in with tea.)**

**Shinigami Mikoto:** Hey Kagu. What's going on?

**Kagutsuchi:** It seems our mother and um stepfather are in the middle of a prank battle.

**Shinigami Mikoto:** Ah. ...so. Why are you here?

**Kagutsuchi:** Because...I wanted to compare stories. About our...parents.

**Shinigami Mikoto:** Er...you mean, like our mother?

**Kagutsuchi:** Well, not just that. I mean, I've heard about what happened to you, but, um...well, my dad, he wasn't fond of me either.

**Shinigami Mikoto:** I didn't know that. So you wanted to-

**Kagutsuchi:** Talk about it? Yeah, I did. Well...it started when I was born.

**(Flashback to thousands of years ago, outside a small hut. Izanagi is kneeling over Izanami and holding her hand. Izanami is lying on the ground breathing erratically. Surrounding them are many of the kami, as children. One of them squeaks, "Mommy?")**

**(Sitting beside Izanami is the baby Kagutsuchi.)**

**Izanagi:** Y-you can get through this, you can...please, 'Nami, I don't...

**Izanami:** Unngh...Iza...na...gi...?

**Izanagi:** 'Nami?!

**Izanami:** Take...care of...him...

**(Her hand goes limp and falls to the ground as her eyes close.)**

**Izanagi:** 'Nami? 'Nami!

**(He starts crying, bowing his head over Izanami's body. Many of the children kami, their older children, are also crying.)**

**(Then, Izanagi lifts his head to glare at Kagu.)**

**Izanagi:** This is all your damn fault! *ALL OF IT!*

**(He grabs his sword and swings. We cut away to the children kami before it strikes, but we can still hear it. Cut to Izanagi, tossing the unconscious Kagu in a river.)**

**Izanagi:** Why'd you have to be born?

**Kagutsuchi:** *\*narrating\** If nearly getting my head chopped off and then getting thrown into a river *had* killed me...all the fire in Japan would've gone out. It just...wouldn't be there. So...I was in that river. In excruciating pain, for...centuries, before I had enough strength to get out. After that it was just being locked up and yelled at...

**Shinigami Mikoto:** Kagu....I'm so sorry...I didn't know. Just let it out bro, let it out.

**(The temple doors open and Setsuna walks in, she had just come home from school.)**

**Setsuna Mikoto:** Mama, tadaima. Kagu-jisan you're here?

**Kagutsuchi:** Oh hey Setsuna.

**Shinigami Mikoto:** Okaerinasai sweetie, how was your test?

**Setsuna Mikoto:** 78% in my math test, 65% in Chemistry and 83% in biology.

**Shinigami Mikoto:** That's great honey! Do you have any homework?

**Setsuna Mikoto:** Nah, I finished it during break after my club activities.

**Kagutsuchi:** Huh, so Setsuna, what are your hobbies?

**Setsuna Mikoto:** Other than fighting and dancing I like cooking and reading shoujo manga and watching anime. I'm not as big of a fan as Nia or Yoruko but I still consider myself a pretty big fan.

**Kagutsuchi:** What's your favorite series?

**Setsuna Mikoto:** Definitely Shinobi Path! It's so inspiring! A half-yokai who was ostracized by society becoming a hero ninja! Trying to get his best friend to come back and having a super pretty love interest. In the end he gets the girl and becomes the leader of all ninjas!

**Kagutsuchi:** Uh huh.....

**Shinigami Mikoto:** Setsuna, why don't you show your uncle your room?

**(Setsuna yoinks Kagu to where she and her mother stay. Meanwhile with Izanami and Loki, Loki is hiding in the closet with a paintball gun.)**

**Loki:** Alright, 'Nami, time to turn green with envy....heheheh.

**Izanami:** Oh yeah? Think again!

**Loki:** GYAH!

**(He gets knocked out of the closet and bombarded by paintballs. He smirks and pulls a lever on the wall which causes more spiders to drop down from the closet's ceiling on to Izanami.)**

**Izanami:** *\*dead-eyed glare, voice completely deadpan\** ...you're cleaning this up, you know.

**(Izanami shakes the spiders off of her and the two gods continue firing paintballs at each other. Meanwhile at the temple, Kagu is looking at one of Setsuna's photos, it's of her winning the traditional dance competition.)**

**Kagutsuchi:** Tsuna, you like to dance?

**Setsuna Mikoto:** Yep! I've been doing it ever since I was little! Mama was the one who introduced it to me.

**Kagutsuchi:** I see.

**Yuki:** Yuki! (She's awesome!)

**(He looks over the different photos most of them are of Setsuna and her mother or or of Setsuna with her friends or fellow priestesses. Meanwhile Loki is sneaking over to Izanami's closet with some baker's yeast. He fumbles around trying to open the underwear drawer when Izanami attacks him from behind with a barrage of water balloons.)**

**Loki:** Is that the best you can do?! jump scares?!

**Izanami:** Oh I've got something better!

**(She takes out her phone and reveals that she had posted Loki's collection of dakimakuras on Craigslist.)**

**Loki:** NOOOOOO! MY WAIFUS!!!!!!

**Izanami:** Well, it's a good thing that someone bought them, you keep bringing them to bed every night and you have weird thing for them....

**Loki:** Those were limited editions! I had to auction for them and fight my way through the fan fest for them!

**(The camera cuts to Kagutsuchi returning to the apartment to find Izanami trying to pull an octopus off her face and Loki screaming while being chased around by an army of hornets.)**

**Kagutsuchi:** Uh....I'm gonna go stay at Shini's for a bit....

**(He quickly grabs his stuff and runs off. He arrives back at the temple. Setsuna is reading a shoujo manga.)**

**Setsuna Mikoto:** I told you they wouldn't stop yet.

**Kagutsuchi:** I guess I should've listened to my niece who's a seer.

**(Cut to the next day, Loki is sleeping soundly and the camera pans to the bedside table revealing that Izanami had put an ambien in his beer last night. Izanami gets out of bed and rolls him up into a blanket burrito and puts him on an inflatable raft. Loki wakes up realizing that he is floating near Tokyo bay. He screams angrily as the camera zooms out. Cut to him arriving back home.)**

**Izanami:** How did you like the ocean?

**Loki:** I got something for you, EAT SEA URCHIN SPIKES!

**(He throws some sea urchins at her but she blocks it with a frying pan. Meanwhile Kagu is at the temple reading a newspaper.)**

**Kagutsuchi:** Huh, "Local Resident found on inflatable raft floating by Tokyo Bay". I guess those two aren't done yet.

**Yuki:** Yuki? (What are you reading?)

**Kagutsuchi:** Gyah! You scared me Yuki. I wonder when those guys are gonna stop. This can't go on forever can it?

**Spongebob Narrator voice:** 4 days later.

**(Setsuna, Kagu and Shinigami arrive at the apartment. Inside they find a trap full of pigeons suspended in the air by Izanami over a snoring Loki.)**

**Setsuna Mikoto:** Uh....Gramma?...What are you doing?

**Izanami:** Uh......It's not what it looks like...?.....

**Shinigami Mikoto:** Mom, seriously? It's been a week! Can't you two just kiss and make up?

**Izanami:** Look, I've just had enough of your step-father's antics and I felt that-

**(Izanami accidentally lets go of the rope that's holding up the pigeon cage, causing it to crash down onto Loki.)**

**Loki:** GYAH! What the- Why are there pigeons in here?!

**(He begins shooting them with his fire powers, everyone ducks them, Izanami finds the vacuum cleaner bag and throws it at one of the birds but it hits Loki instead, knocking him out and he falls back on to the couch. Kagu panics and shoots a fire ball at the bird but it hits Shini, setting her on fire. The camera zooms into Kagu's face.)**

**Kagutsuchi's voice over:** That's how we got to where we are now.

**Shinigami Mikoto:** THAT IS IT!

**(She grabs a fire extinguisher and uses it to chase the birs out and puts out the fire.)**

**Shinigami Mikoto:** GRAMMA, GRAMPS! KISS AND MAKEUP ALREADY! YOU TWO ARE LIKE A BAJILLION YEARS OLD! SO MAKE LIKE ADULTS AND JUST STOP THIS PRANK WAR!

**(Shinigami marches out of the apartment followed by her brother and daughter. Cut to later that day, Loki wakes up.)**

**Izanami:** Loki, I'm sorry for the stuff....I've just been so wrapped up in work that I just....

**Loki:** Nami, I should be sorry. It was your money and I used it on something that's just gonna cause a catastrophe....

**Izanami:** Yeah, I guess we're both even...

**(They laugh a little. Meanwhile at the temple, Kagu is brushing Yuki's hair wwhile Setsuna is playing on her PSP.)**

**Setsuna Mikoto:** Ne, Kagu-jisan, do ya think Gramma and Gramps are gonna make up soon?

**Kagustuchi:** Knowing them....pretty soon. Maybe even now

**Izanami:** Dinner's ready.

**Setsuna Mikoto:** Okay mama!

**(The camera pans up to the sky and the screen fades black.)**