040-Muslims on Broadway with John Fisch

'Muslims on Broadway with John Fisch' is episode 40 of the Misery Loves Company podcast on the Riotcast Network. It was released on 19th September, 2016.

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## On Mic

* Kevin Brennan, stand-up comic & writer
* Lenny Marcus, stand-up comic & writer
* Liz, manager at NYC Comedy Cellar
* Jon Fisch, comedian (name misspelled in ep title)
* Dave, owner of Gearheart Industry custom branding irons & make-a-wish starf\*\*ker fan who donated to attend a live taping (perk for donating $250 directly to Kevin)

## Lenny's Intro

* "From a secret studio in a random mystery location, about 15 blocks from where bombs go off, in a hidden city of 8 million people, this is Misery Loves Company with Kevin Brennan and Lenny Marcus."
* Refer main page for subscription and contact links.
* "The opinions of Kevin Brennan do not represent all the opinions of the people on this podcast so please don't punch me, Liz or Mana in the face."
* "Mana is out. She's still sobering up from her 2 whiskey sours at the live show."

## Synopsis

* Thanks from Lenny for selling out live show (audio version not yet available online)
* Introductions (see 'on mic' section above)
* Kevin tries out his Boston accent and does a little Bill Burr (MLC Ep 39 Burr episode broke record for downloads)
* Sport talk about Boston teams; Patriots and Red-Sox
* Digs from Kevin about Lenny's Yankees recent loss and Lenny fires back
* Kevin likes sports but thinks they are all dumb. As discussed in previous episodes he often doesn't watch games because he gets too angry (also doesn't drive or own a gun for same reason)
* Dave keeps his Tinder activity on the down-low despite there supposedly being an Emmy award winner involved
* Summary of Kevin's recent Opie with Jim satellite radio appearance
	+ College American football players dropping the ball before making the touchdown, which Kevin jokes is the new gang initiation, to try and be cool by getting it just right and making the touchdown
	+ Opie told Kevin to quieten down a few times. Kevin think Opie's show is too casual.
	+ Kevin touched Jim Norton's tender, soft feet
	+ Kevin claims to know who very reliable sources what is happening with Opie with Jim on Oct 1, but can't divulge (possibly whether Jim Norton will be staying on the show)
* Kevin took a nap and was woken up by people fighting about race. Kevin wants all people to play along to eliminate racial tensions. (told in the middle of the Opie discussion above)
* Kevin recounts his Long Island Firehouse Gig from the weekend
	+ Chris Roach, a 'superstar' on Long Island featured and Kevin headlined (Chris performed before Kevin)
	+ Kevin wanted to switch the order because he didn't want to follow Roach as the audience would love him
	+ Kevin claims they like things slow out there on Long Island
	+ Kevin avoids social interation with guy who wants to be a comedian
	+ Kevin tells a disgusting toilet story with someone who had sh\*t everywhere
	+ Kevin believes he totally bombed
	+ Kevin and Lenny wish Tim's Krompier's sick son the best, after Kevin calls Tim a "f\*\*king a\*\*hole"
	+ Kevin returns to the toilet story; thinks it might have been a sign that gig was going to be weird
	+ Kevin wonders whether the old audience could even hear him
	+ Kevin claims that Roach is his kryptonite and isn't sure whether Roach even took his gig money
	+ Kevin asserts that it's standard practise that the feature should be buried so that the headliner at the end kills.
	+ Kevin seeks affirmation from the others. Jon wants to give him a hug. Kevin: "you come over here, I'll kick you right in the c\*nt." (last word indesipherable)
* They discuss the pros and cons of hugging. (Note that Kevin is the third child of ten)
* Lenny reminds Kevin that he did kill the previous Tuesday at the Underground, but that was too long ago for Kevin
* Kevin spits out a piece of food to the shock of the others
* Kevin imitates Lenny with goo-goo-ga-ga baby-talk noises when Lenny attempts to extract from Kevin what happened after the Underground gig
	+ Kevin having a drink with Rob, fan from Canada, or not?
	+ Selling t-shirts and wondering whether some had been stolen; which they hadn't
	+ Another fan called David Robatai (spelling?) made a significant donation and will appear on podcast in November
	+ Kevin was confused about who was who, but was trying to be nice to fans, at least Kevin's version of nice. Kevin claims that he was being ghosted by David. Kevin tries to get the facts right. Kevin tells David to not f\*\*king ghost him, because he can't handle it.
	+ Lenny: "This is another CSI moment for us. What's the mystery of Dave Robatai?"
* Kevin calls out Casey Rodrigez, starf\*\*ker, for having an incorrect email address so he can't send them a t-shirt. "If you want your f\*\*king t-shirt" (send me your correct email address)
* Jon comments that Kevin needs an intern
* Kevin can't talk to people before he performs, (which is understandable), even Lenny
* Kevin made an entrance as Eminem with hood on for a recent gig (unclear why)
	+ Kevin was "a bit of a mess" before and after the show. He's not friendly, unlike on stage. Liz refutes Kevin's claim that he's friendly on stage.
	+ Lenny's interpretation that Kevin was actually interacting with fans does not match Kevin's
	+ Kevin claims that Lenny, Lenny's fiance, & Burton? ghosted Kevin
	+ Kevin talks about his t-shirt woes; wondered whether some guy stole his t-shirts but counted them after while he was folding them and they're all there, he thinks
	+ Comedy Cellar staff are wearing Kevin's t-shirt; Brandon even made his own t-shirt with 'Team Neal'
* Email from #1 fan Phil Oakley praising them for the recent live show. Talks about other comedy being millennially watered down, referring to a possible move by younger comics towards more politically correct comedy
	+ Phil covers up his nervousness by being super-nonchalant, according to Kevin
* Robert Kelly told Canadian Rob for comedic purposes during the live show he was a f\*\*king idiot for paying to sit in on the MLC podcast, so maybe Dave Robatai had buyer's remorse?, Kevin wonders.
* Dave, starf\*\*ker, who is writing the whole trip off on business, gives them a custom MLC branding iron
* More Tinder talk. Dave thinks Kevin might go okay as he has a Guy Richie bad-guy tracksuit vibe; vaguely intimidating. Kevin points out he's married.
* Kevin does another call-back to MLC Ep 39 Burr episode: his papyon haircut looking like McQueen or Dustin Hoffman
* Discussion about branding Kevin on the tukus or a tramp stamp
* Kevin can't give enough attention to all his fans
* Discussion about who to stand in for Lenny when he's unavailable: Kevin wants Jon Fisch because he's like Lenny without a ball and chain. Other suggestions were Captain and Teneal, Alan Bernie, Sean Donnelly, but Kevin thought they were too nice? Lenny points out that Fisch is nicer than them all
* Kevin passes a note to Liz about why Kevin's wife didn't come to the Live show. Kevin doesn't show Lenny. Kevin claims it's a great story, but he can't say it on the podcast.
* Liz is drinking a little baby Diet Coke from Robert Kelly's fridge
* Discuss Fisch's bit on Watiwa sushi and Queens he did on Colbert. He got comped.
* They try Japanese accents; terrible except for Lenny
* Fisch's set went great. Producers hugged him which is a great sign.
* Kevin is trying to get Fisch more spots at Comedy Cellar
* Fisch got great feedback from MC-ing at the Underground. Everybody loves Jon Fisch according to Lenny
* Lenny's fiance is trying to set up Fisch with her friend called Melissa. There will be dancing at Lenny's wedding.
* Back to post-Opie analysis. Opie gets mani peddies with his wife. Kevin thinks that's gay. Scott Bakula is really handsome in person, according to Kevin. Scott appeared in Playgirl back in the day. Bakula's had solid work for so long and they run through some of his credits (see below). Kevin tried to leave with him, but his handler c\*ck-blocked
* Kevin does not want Lisa Lampinelli on the podcast. "not for millions and millions of moneys"
* Kevin also doesn't want Judy Gold. Kevin saw Gold on Tough Crowd, she's so annoygin. Lenny thinks she's Kevin's female counterpart. Kevin worries that Gold could beat him up. Kevin calls out Judy for yelling for 20 years and being a f\*cking d\*k-ish c\*nt wh\*re. Lenny counters Kevin's abuse; Lenny and Liz love Judy. Lenny will try to get Judy on the show.
* Kevin's working on a big guest; won't say who
* Discussion of Dave's family. Dave boasts that his siblings are all really successful.
* They slag off radiologists for having an easy job
* Discuss Savanah as a vacation spot. Lenny had a gig with
* Lenny promises a monetisation announcement in the future

## Quotes

* Jon: "Can't wait to get Brennan'ed"
* Kevin: "It's a little early for racist stuff" referring to Opie and Jim's reactions on his recent Opie with Jim satellite radio appearance
* Kevin: "This girl was yelling and some dude, I thought it was me, but I was asleep, I'm like how am I yelling at her?"
* Kevin: "Arabs and black people, try to play along, try to play along. Don't blow up a dumpster, and score the touchdown and then drop the ball"
* Kevin on Jim Norton: "If I can double my Twitter followers, I'll suck his feet"
* Kevin on Opie: "You and your f\*\*king pajama boys Mark Normand and Vic Henley"
* Kevin on recent gig: "Long story short, I'm bombed; I totally bombed"
* Kevin on Chris Roach & himself: "I'm just a big, dumb Long Island guy and now this guy, I'm all sassy and I have opinions."
* Kevin on Lenny: "Good work CSI. CSI:SH\*T."
* Kevin: "I don't know who invented 'you need a hug', it's so f\*\*king lame"
* Jon: A hug is "like a poop emoji. It puts an end to the conversation."
* Kevin: "I can't handle when someone's sh\*tting, when someone takes an explosive sh\*t before my show, that's bad luck, and I can't take being ghosted."
* Jon: "I picture all Kevin's fans like sitting in a basement like Buscemi's character in that Sandler movie with the lipstick." (movie is Billy Madison, with Kevin's friend, Norm Macdonald)
* Lenny on Kevin: "You're like a chick"
* Kevin: "I wanna meet these Tinder whores."
* Kevin: "Men are all whores; women are supposed to be respectable."
* Kevin: "Do you ever brand one of your whores after a good branding? Grade A quality."
* Kevin: "Oh my God, I'd cut my d\*ck off before I'd do that; to have to do anything for a woman."
* Kevin: "Anything you do with your wife, unless it's f\*\*king, it's gay"
* Kevin: "David, the guy who used to be on that show in the 80s, where it's like a time machine show." (Scott Bakula on Quantum Leap)
* Kevin: "I'm not comfortable with a woman who can beat me up in the studio. Outside I'm okay 'cos I could run."
* Kevin: "We showed a clip on Opie and it was black after black after black"
* Kevin: "You wait 'til you get to the toilet and then you sh\*t"

## Star-F\*\*ks & Slams (Name Drops)

* Vic Henley, comedian, frequent guest on Opie with Jim radio show, & purveyor of fine meats
* CC Sabitha, New York Yankees pitcher, whom Kevin describes as a fat f\*\*k
* Paul Mercurio, comedian, not to be confused with Paul Mercurio, dancer and star of the Baz Luhrmann movie, Strictly Ballroom
* Deshawn Jackson, NFL player
* Gregg 'Opie' Hughes, satellite radio snooze-jock, host of Opie with Jim satellite radio show
* Jim Norton, comedian, co-host of Opie with Jim
* Leslie Jones, comedian, SNL cast member, & star in the 2016 movie remake of Ghostbusters
* Sherrod Small, comedian
* Eric Nagel, Opie with Jim satellite radio show producer
* Mark Normand, comedian
* Tim Krompier, comedian
* Chris Roach, comedian & appears on Kevin James' new TV show
* Kevin James, comedian & TV/movie star
* Joey Kola, comedian
* Randy Quaid, actor
* Aziz Ansari, comedian & actor
* Vinnie Brand, comedian & comedy club owner, also wanted to do a podcast with Kevin
* Steve Jobs, Apple computer founder & non-hugger (according to Kevin)
* Rob from Canada, super-star-f\*\*ker (fan who paid to appear on earlier podcast)
* David, super-star-f\*\*ker (fan who paid to appear on future podcast)
* Dianne, David's girlfriend
* Mache (spell?), works at Comedy Cellar?
* Phil Oakley, the most famous star-f\*\*ker (MLC podcast fan), also a podcaster
* Dave Robatai, another star-f\*\*ker
* Casey Rodrigez (spell), another star-f\*\*ker
* Adam Sandler
* Steve Buscemi
* Lenny's fiance
* Burton?, unknown
* Outside Steve, works at Comedy Cellar
* Aaron?, works at Comedy Cellar
* Brandon, works at Comedy Cellar, Kevin frequently comments on his homosexuality
* Dave Attell, aka The Captain, comedian & one of Kevin's longest comedy friends
* Robert Kelly, comedian and MLC podcast boss
* Guy Ritchie, movie director and former Madonna husband
* Bill Burr
* Steve McQueen
* Dustin Hoffman
* Rob Cohen (spell?), another star-f\*\*ker
* Captain and Teneal,
* Alan Bernie,
* Sean Donnelly
* Liz' dog, Gizmo
* Scopo?
* Stephen Colbert
* Esti (spell?), booker for Comedy Cellar
* Heidi the Asian?, Underground staff
* Mellisa, Lenny's fiance's friend
* Scott Bakula
* Michael Royce? (Men of a certain age guy?)
* Lisa Lampanelli, comedian
* Judy Gold, comedian

## Apologies

* none, but African American NFL players could have been apologised to

## Further Information and References

* In the US, 'sour' cocktails are usually made with bourbon, while in Japan, 'sour' cocktails are usually made with shochu, a local distilled spirit. Note that an American whiskey sour, aka a Boston Sour aka a Bill Burr, can contain egg whites.
* Newton, Massachusetts, where Jon Fisch is from (aka Jewton due to its high Jewish American population)
* New England Patriots, NFL team
* Boston Red Sox, baseball team
* New York Yankees, Lenny's favourite baseball team
* New story about American football players dropping the ball before reaching the N-zone
* Uber, alternative to taxis using amatuer drivers in their own cars, illegal in many parts of the world
* Tinder, online dating site, mainly for short hook-ups, twice as many males than females use service
* Opie with Jim radio show YouTube channel, formerly Opie & Anthony
* Long Island, state of New York
* Kevin Can Wait, Kevin James' new TV show
* Kryptonite, material that weakens Superman
* The Comedy Cellar at the Village Underground, stand-up venue in New York
* Eminem, rapper (Bill Burr described Kevin as an old Eminem)
* Three's Company 1970s/80s TV sitcom, theme tune
* Papion haircut?
* Tukus
* Tramp stamp
* Billy Madison, movie
* CSI, TV show
* ball and chain
* Queens
* comping - getting free sh\*t?
* Watiwa sushi restaurant
* Ditmar's?
* Best Greek seafood place near Watiwa?
* mani / peddies
* Quantum Leap, TV show
* Men of a Certain Age, TV show
* Playgirl Scott Bakula appearance
* Star Trek Enterprise, with Bakula as captain
* NCIS:New Orleans, with Bakula
* C\*ck-blocking: preventing Kevin from getting to Scott Bakula
* Tough Crowd,
* Radiologists
* Savanah Georgia
* Applebee's restaurant
* Cracker Barrel Old Country Store