Episode 22: Food

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https://globehell.libsyn.com/

## Episode Summary

Josiah comes up with an exciting and unique way to solve world hunger and have food delivered directly from delivery to home.

## Idea Details

* Idea: Food, aka Seconds
* Creator of idea: Josiah
* Purpose of idea: Today I wanna talk to you about Food. Any questions so far? I wanna talk to you about Food. F-O-O-D. So the con- so food has been around - that's the part I always forget to prepare. How long do you think - food - uh food uh food has been around - this might help. Dictionary. "Food. Any substance that can be consumed by living organisms, especially be eating, in order to sustain life. A foodstuff. Anything that nishes or sustains." I think she said it wrong. Nourishes. "Food synonyms: belly-timber, chow, comestible, eats, feed, fodder, foodstuffs, nosh, nourishment, sustenance, victuals, belly-timber, foodstuffs. F-O-O-D." So we're talking about belly-timber. Food. "Food." Food. Belly-timber. But specifically, and I don't wanna get too preachy to you and I'm sorry in advance, but I wanna talk to you about - I mean, you're an - you're a 'berta boy. Are you - are you - are you eating that Alberta beef? Cause today I wanna talk to you about uh about going - about - about vegetarian meat uh vegetarian and meat - vegetarian and vegan meat substitutes. Well that's the - I don't wanna preach to you, necessarily. I'm not trying to preach to you. I'm trying to just sort of preach to - I don't care about you. But it's just the people that I care about I'd like to help. So do you kinda get the idea so far? Anyways, my point is that I recently uh - and this is not a bit, this is true - I've recently adopted a vegetarian diet and I eat vegetarian because I - personally for me, and I'm not trying to preach at you Drew although I do think you need to change 97% of everything about your life - I'm not trying to preach at you about food but I've started eating a vegetarian diet and something I've noticed is that something that's popular now is called Beyond Beef, have you heard of this Beyond Beef? It's not actually meat, it's vegetarian fake meat, it's called Beyond uh Beef. It's made out of soy and oil and I think pea protein and it's made of uh these things. So Beyond Beef is made of this stuff and there's one called Impossible Burger. To be honest with you, I think Beyond Meat - Beyond Beef is really actually quite good and so is the Impossible Burger, it tastes very good, it hits the spot if you're craving the - the beef. So what I'm trying to say to him and you is that the problem with these burgers is that they - sometimes you don't - sometimes you're eating - sometimes you're eating vegetarian food and you want to not just have burger taste, OK? So sometimes you wanna have Beyond something else - sometimes you wanna go beyond Beyond Meat and have a different kind of flavor of something. Like you don't just - you can't just have burger every day. You know, there's all kinds of dinners in the world. There's um submarine sandwich and uh Subway wraps, a Subway bowl. Chicken nuggets, great example, OK? So basically I'm still trying to work this out in my brain but what I'm thinking is we need to go beyond Beyond Meat, we need to go - instead of Impossible Burger we're gonna call it the I'm Possible Burger because we're gonna think outside the bun of Beyond uh Meat and go beyond Beyond Meat. And so I guess my first question is, for people who are vegetarians out there, what do you not like about meat? I think safe to say for a lot of people they don't like that they're hurting an animal to create this product. And so, you know, that's a fair statement. People say that factory farming is destroying animals and that's - or I mean destroying the Earth the environment all the factory workers are destroying it - the world. And so - I agree, I don't think that we should be - you know, if you know factory farming is uh bad. So what I'm suggest- and this, now you're gonna bear with me - I really really really beg you not to be immature with me here, okay? I'm begging you to just have some maturity. I know it's gonna be tempting to make some goofs and joke around, I want your spoken confirmation that you will not be immature. (Drew promises). All right, let's remember that, folks. So it dawned on me - I was thinking - you know, if we wanted to eliminate factory farming but still allow for some people to eat meat, it was - the inspiration struck, actually because of you, Drew, because of some uh cruelty that you were speaking out to me in order to hurt me and ruin my life, I remembered these things that you said to me that I was eating a piece of shit out of the toilet, and you've been saying that to me all the time lately, just sort of showing off to your friends, trying to seem like a cool guy, the cool kid on the block, telling me that I'll eat a piece of shit out of the toilet, and then I thought you know - then this dawned on me here. So I guess obviously - you know, you said earlier we're not rocket scientists, and I agree - I'm just a humble man with big ideas who dares to dream and is constantly mocked for it. So here's the thing, you know you did make an immature joke earlier saying that it's made of pee protein - and I think it is P-E-A but let's just say for argument's sake that it was pee like piss from your cock or pussy uh pee protein. What I'm suggesting is we make food out of poo protein um in order to feed the globe and so the reason I wanna go beyond Beyond Burger and to I'm Possible is because you don't wanna just taste burger all the time. And so what I'm proposing is when we get the NASA uh shit transformation technology to turn it back into food - I mean I couldn't figure out what any of it looked like - I don't know what's the - do you know? Did you see something in one of those videos like I don't know what it is, you shit into a - you put it in a space microwave or something? (Drew: I guess you just shit in a toilet) And then the toilet pipes go to - but then how do you turn it into food is what I guess I don't... Maybe you're right, so they filter it, but either way, I mean, what I'm proposing is we take the shit from these people and turn it back into food - I think that once it's been processed by a body once, I think it's no longer meat, to be honest with you. I think that's probably fair to say. It kind of becomes organic at that point. Well this is what I'm saying, so the problem that I have is that uh Impossible Beyond Beef burgers just taste like hamburger all the time and so here's what I'm, you know, here's what I'm suggesting. You sign up for the service using the NASA uh shit thing to turn the shit into the food um they partner with let's say DoorDash, okay? So you have - you're signed up, you've got an app that's kind of like a DoorDash NAS - DoorDash x NASA collaboration uh and then you kind of just go on the app, it's almost like a dating service or something, something like that. Kind of like Tinder but more for dinner. I guess Dinder maybe. Uh maybe it's called Dinder. And uh so you see on DoorDash you know, you type in like what kind of food are you feeling like, you know it's hard - maybe you're feeling like Chinese food and so you type in Chinese food and then it shows you all the DoorDash orders for Chinese food in your city uh and so you say 'Oh this is only a few blocks away from me!' and so then you use the map on the app to go to that guy's house maybe an hour or two after it's been delivered uh and then you collect the shit from the food and then you get to have kind of the NASA Chinese food uh that's no longer meat. So it's kind of like a game of cat-and-mouse collecting uh different - or you know, maybe it's not - maybe it's Indian food or maybe it's I mean pizza even, you know, maybe it's pepperoni pizza, meat lovers pizza and then you just kind of go to their house and collect the specimen from them, put it in the machine, and then you get to have different flavors that aren't just uh hamburger.
* Timetable: No timetable was given for the implementation of Seconds and the Dinder app whatsoever. Presumably its creation is dependent on the NASA shit conversion technology being completed first.
* Idea details:
	+ Developments in NASA shit conversion allow you to safely eat shit as food.
	+ Any food that has already been processed by a body once is no longer meat. This means that any shit that gets converted into food is fully vegetarian, but will avoid the meat-like taste inherent to Beyond Beef and Impossible Burger.
	+ The Dinder app will allow you to search for a type of food you would like to eat via DoorDash, then will show you people's locations in your surrounding area who ate that meal in the last few hours. You can then travel to their house to take the shit out of their toilet, or you can order a Dinder driver and the people who ordered the meal you requested will shit into the driver's trunk, which will churn the shit and keep it fresh as it is being delivered.
	+ Opting in to the Dinder program will give you 10% off your DoorDash order.
	+ There will be molds you can use to press the shit into your desired shape before eating it. Some examples include a ginger beef mold or a sweet and sour chicken mold.
	+ The NASA shit converter will cut the shit put into it with quinoa. This is to counter the fact that the body absorbs nutrients so the amount of shit made from a meal will be less than the amount of food that was actually eaten.
	+ The brown note will be played over scattered loudspeakers around dinnertime every night to get everyone's stomachs churning. This will help ensure enough shit is created.
	+ One alternative approach to ordering your shit based on a particular meal type is to organize mass community events like cookouts or block parties. Everyone gathered at these events would shit into a large pile which could then be eaten.
	+ The slogan used in the advertisements for the community-based shit events would be: "Take a poo, leave a poo".
	+ In addition to the brown note, everyone will receive a robocall after dinner with messages similar to this episode's word of affirmation, remarking upon having a healthy digestive system as part of a healthy lifestyle.
	+ Another slogan for the whole idea is: "Come back for Seconds", in reference to how good the shit tastes and also the fact that eating someone's shit is like eating that person's seconds. It is also a reference to the name of the NASA shit converted food, which will be known as Seconds.
	+ Another slogan for Seconds will be: "Seconds colon eat shit".

## Devil Play

* Drew played devil by pointing out that the turds are always smaller than the entire meal because the body absorbs nutrients, so you run the risk of not getting enough Food by eating only one person's Chinese food shit.
	+ Josiah noted that he was anticipating this pushback. However, he agreed it was a good point and suggested that they should make sure that a whole family eats the meal rather than only one individual, though he then noted the inherent problem of leftovers.
	+ Drew suggested that the family will have to eat the entire meal.
	+ Josiah agreed and clarified that this will be a system you opt in to. The service agreement might not be worded clearly but you will get 10% off your DoorDash order if you opt in to the Dinder NASA space shit program.
* Drew asked why you couldn't just shit directly into the trunk of a vehicle instead of in the toilet or in a pile in their home.
	+ Josiah agreed and suggested they have Dinder drivers. This would allow for the shit to churn in the trunk of the cars to keep it fresh.
* Drew noted that any molds used to shape the shit into a desired shape for eating will have to be small unless a large group of people get together to shit, like in a neighborhood block party.
	+ Josiah remarked on Drew's optimism to assemble a large group to do something like that, especially in service of someone who might be vegan, since vegan people are the most persecuted group on Earth. He suggested that any large cookout in service of feeding vegans their shit will need to have small text denoting the purpose of the shit, so as not to overly advertise the real reason behind the gathering.
	+ Drew disagreed, noting that you will need everyone to opt in before shitting.
	+ Josiah pointed out that it's very easy to get people to opt in with an app but much harder to do so in real life because you've got old people. However, he noted that the smaller portions will be an issue and asked whether they should cut the shit with soy or soylent maybe.
	+ Drew agreed and suggested maybe cutting it with a bunch of nuts.
	+ Josiah also suggested quinoa as an option.
* Drew pointed out that he just doesn't think eating shit would be appealing to people.
	+ Josiah asked if that would be true if you knew they had been eating Chinese food. He posited that you could imagine that you are eating Chinese food while eating the shit and that will trick your brain into believing it. He also noted that tastebuds change over time.
	+ Drew suggested they use some kind of VR headset to show people they are eating the actual food rather than shit.
	+ Josiah agreed and suggested using AR like Pokémon Go.
	+ Drew noted that using AR would make it unnecessary to shape the food with molds. You can just eat straight turds while looking at your phone and seeing something like a chicken sandwich, for example, in AR. Drew went further by suggesting they use a pill that makes whatever touches your tastebuds taste like that kind of pill. Some pill examples could be a ginger beef pill or a Chinese food meal pill.
	+ Josiah suggested they deliver the flavor pill in a miniature take-out container.
	+ Drew agreed.
	+ Josiah noted that doing the flavor pill would do away with his original idea of ordering shit from someone who ate a certain type of food. He suggested that the pill be used for texture instead of flavor. If you ordered Thai food on the Dinder app, for instance, you would get some shit from someone who ate Thai food that night then put the shit into the NASA shit converter which cuts it with quinoa then you would eat the shit while looking at it through AR on your phone after eating a Thai food texture pill.
* Drew pushed back on the idea of even using the NASA shit converter and suggested you could just eat shit.
	+ Josiah agreed but noted that the whole system would be a really great way to help you connect with and talk to your neighbors. Josiah also wondered if you might risk getting sick by eating shit without putting it in the NASA shit converter first.

## Notable Events

* Josiah and Drew talk about Calgary Awareness Month.
* Josiah gave Drew his quarterly report. The questions and responses were as follows:
	+ Do you think you're doing a good job of this?
		- I think so, and I think the fans would agree.
	+ Do you think that you have charisma? As a -
		- Yes. Yes.
	+ Do you think you'll have a wife soon?
		- Define soon.
	+ Well it's not - I mean, I was just handed this - this comes straight from libsyn. I don't know what they mean by that. I'll just - should I say no?
		- I'd say no. I'd say no.
	+ Do you think you've done enough to search for a wife?
		- No.
* In lieu of a Seg-Mind this week, Josiah suggested they instead say a word of affirmation. The word was: "Digestive system are now healed. From this day forward, my stomach and digestive system are healed. My stomach feels calm and relaxed. All painful knots in my stomach and digestive system are released. I feel great. My immune system is healed. All problems causing my excessive gas and cramps are released in safe and healthy ways. I no longer have a gas problem. I no longer get a nervous stomach. I eat foods that are healthy for my body and do not get excessive flatulence. I get to know my stomach is- I live a healthy lifestyle. I no longer get stomach cramps. I am pain free. My stomach feels great. My bowels feel great. I feel fit and healthy. I am fit and healthy. All of my digestive issues are healed and gone. I cannot remember what it feels like to have digestive problems. I cannot remember what it feels like to have gas problems. I am free of anxiety. I am free of fear. I have a strong intuition. My intuition works great."
* Josiah and Drew watched a video of Dr. Garth Davis talking about the dangers of eating meat.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video about Beyond Beef.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video advocating for eating your own shit.
* Josiah and Drew watched a news report about eating your own shit.
* Josiah and Drew watched another video about eating your own shit.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video about Soylent Original.
* Josiah and Drew listened to the brown note.

## Notable Quotes

### Josiah

* "If you think about how the music industry has changed over the years. There's the rappers used to be - musicians used to be boasting about Patrón, and now they're begging people to sign up for Patreon. Kinda the way the industry has gone."
* "If you think about it, the a lot of actors used to be uh donning themselves in camo to play war heroes in movies, but nowadays they're signing up for Cameo because um the film industry is in such disarray."
* "Um but it's patreon.com/155pod and you can get all the."
* "They should add more numbers to binary code and then computers will become better."
* "All right I'm not gonna include this part cause this - I don't wanna get cancelled. We'll just leave that for another day."
* "You really emphasize the safety part and a lot less of the rappin. Although you are a solid 4, so that tracks."
* "What was that sound? What was that wet sound that you just made?"
* "Taking a dip? Do you podcast from the bath?"
* "[On the topic of Christmas plans] What do you normally do? Dress up as Santa Claus and - you're sort of a guerilla Santa Claus, you just set up a station at the mall without getting permission?"
* "[In response to Drew asking if this was a Spanish Inquisition] No, I'm not - I'm not Spanish. I'm not of Latin descent. You're thinking of the robot J.O.S.I.A.H.."
* "Has anyone listened to every single episode and bonus episode of this show? You think? Does anyone actually listen to this?"
* "What's something we could ask them to find out if they - if they listen."
* "Drew loves scurvy."
* "Can you just shut the fuck up?"
* "It's very strange to use oils from vegetables uh according to that bald man who was talking."
* "I'm just trying to solve hunger and flavor. You know, people are always trying to solve world hunger, but not enough people are trying to solve world flavor!"
* "It's interesting to me that - that uh a few years ago, rappers were talking about Patrón and then now these days they're talking about - the musicians are - now these days musicians have to rely on Patreon."
* "I honestly, all joking aside, truly think that human shit and quinoa would probably taste pretty good together. If it's molded into balls and you can kind of deep-fry it like a falafel?"
* "[In response to Drew saying that he doesn't think eating shit would be appealing to people] But what if you know the - what if you know that they've been eating Chinese food?"
* "[On the topic of using AR to trick your brain into thinking you are eating food instead of shit] It's like Pokémon Go to the poos."
* "[In response to listening to the brown note] I'm not sure if it's making me wanna take a shit or eat a shit."
* "[On the topic of foregoing the NASA shit converter and simply eating regular shit instead] Do you think that people are gonna get sick from this? Cause I was hope - that's why I thought I guess the NASA thing was better because your way is just eating shit and hoping that a pill will help."
* "No, no one ever said anything about space."
* "[On the topic of avoiding getting caught up in a scam] Yeah you never know what kind of weird things you can get caught up in if you're not careful. Every day is an opportunity to make either a good choice or a bad choice and I think it's good to think about where our choices have led us and whether or not we're making the best use of our time."
* "I'm not trying to be disrespectful to the NASA scientists who are eating each other's shit in space."
* "The moon is made of cheese, too, and you know what, that can make you very constipated so I hope they've got the brown note on the in space."
* "Maybe there's different parts of the moon are different kinds of cheese and so some of them are kind of nasty, more snooty cheeses and then there's kind of a section that's just brie and Boursin for the less sophisticated palates."
* "Drew, I'm serious: what kind of shit would you like to eat? If you had to eat any kind of shit, what would it be? What food digested would you want?"
* "[On the topic of rushed delivery] It'll take as long as it takes, and guess what? It's already shit, it's not gonna go bad."
* "Uhhh... I'm just trying to make this hit one hour. And it's really taking a long time."
* "Oh I thought of a good joke, actually. Uh the Seconds app also uh we're gonna add Stories to it, like on Instagram. And like on Twitter. Stor- you know? Uh cause it's - people are joking that all the apps are adding that, so even the app where you're eating your neighbor's shit after they've had Chinese food and you're eating the shit so that you don't eat meat, that one's gonna add Stories to it."

### Drew

* "I like the idea of Calgary being a cultural center for the world."
* "For fuck's sake."
* "[In response to Josiah mentioning the 155 Patreon] Not that one! There's enough subscribers to that one. You can send some subscribers over your way. There's gonna be people - there's gonna be subscribers who leave Globe Hell to sign up for 155, so why don't some of the 155ers - why don't maybe 100 155 - uh - 100 and 155 uh."
* "[On the topic of adding more numbers to binary] See I would have - I would have immediately thought of adding in a 2."
* "Are you uh - are you chewing a lozenge right now? Is that respectful to our listeners?"
* "I was just taking a dip."
* "I just - I just needed to - I just needed - I needed to fill my mouth up with some bath water."
* "[In response to Josiah asking if he sets up a guerilla Santa station at the mall at Christmas] That's right Josiah, that's what my family does. My entire family, we each pick a mall - we pick a mall out of a hat, that's what our Secret Santa is."
* "[In response to Josiah asking why Drew and his family pick a mall out of a hat and then each go to their assigned mall and set up a guerilla Santa station there without permission] Uh I don't know! What do you for your holidays and why do you do that? Is this the Spanish Inquisition? Hmm?"
* "[In response to Josiah asking what they can say to elicit proof from their listeners that they actually listen to the podcast] Uh what's the number I'm gonna say right now? Number fif - number uh 15 9. 59. 50 nein."
* "Today is Episode 22: Belly-Timber."
* "[On the topic of Beyond Beef] Well it's made out of - it's cloned sheep DNA."
* "[In response to hearing the word 'pea'] Wait, P-E-E?"
* "So you're saying you would eat a shit out of a toilet. Just because you eat shit out of a toilet doesn't make you a rocket scientist, Josiah. These people went to school for a long time."
* "[In response to Josiah saying he had asked Drew not to be immature] I didn't say that, I didn't say the S-word."
* "So that's a - a shit farmer, I guess. That looks tasty! It just looks like ice cream sandwiches."
* "The turds are always smaller than the entire meal because the body absorbs nutrients."
* "I'm just thinking about this: What if we all just made the effort to have a night where we get all of our neighbors together and we all order one big meal, we say 'Okay we'll all order a bunch of pizzas or we'll all order a bunch of dishes of Chinese food or we'll all order a bunch of dishes of Indian, we'll all have it together and we'll all opt into this program and then our - we'll all shit together, we'll all shit into I guess into one pile so that - so that the - the - well why don't we have it so that they could just shit into the trunk of a vehicle? Like just straight into the vehicle so that -"
* "I feel like uh Josiah, I feel like eating shit, it just doesn't taste good. It's just not appealing to people."
* "OK you're looking at uh a chicken - a chicken burger uh and - and you've got your - you're looking through your phone, right? People are on their phones 24/7 it seems these days. Uh and - and you're seeing a uh chicken sandwich but you're actually eating a piece of shit. We don't even need to - we don't even need to - it can just be straight turds."
* "Yeah I actually ate shit last night."
* "I've been shitting for about the last three minutes."
* "What about poo play?"
* "I'm not shitting. I'm not shitting yet."
* "Moon beans."
* "Do you think on the moon you can just bring a bunch of crackers like some Triscuits you can just dip right in? Do you think there's parts of the moon that are closer to the sun that get hotter so you can just dip a piece of - oh that'd be great. We need to go to the moon, Josiah."
* "[In response to Josiah's question about what kind of shit he would want to eat] Yours. Whatever you're - whatever meal you're having, I'll have seconds."
* "[On the topic of rushed delivery] Yeah, it's not gonna go cold, it's shit. You're ordering shit so if it's a little late, guess what? Eat shit."
* "Do you need to do #2?"
* "Ass to mouth."
* "Seconds is a million dollar idea, at least. Could be two million dollars."

## Trivia

* This is the third main episode to exclude both the words "World" and "Wide" from the title, after Episode 21: Aging Cody Bonks.
* Dinder is the second app developed on the show, following the Find-A-Friend App from Patreon Episode 1 Loco Train, which allows you to run train with locals in your area.
* This is Josiah's second idea about food, after Episode 4: World Wide Potluck.