Finding Jesus (GAM324)

Noah Lugeons

Eli Bosnick

***Finding Jesus*** is the story of two "animated" fish which have all sorts of exciting adventures, which exclusively happen off-camera because the studio couldn't afford real animators.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, as was foretold by the Great Prophecy.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you love screensavers, but they aren't psychotically preachy enough for you, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Eli: ...idea to let Heath make the schedule. [This was some kind of weird revenge.]
* Noah: ...animated expressions. [Nothing but smiles ear-to-ear.]
* Marsh: …"It's fine guys, I'm pretty sure I can do a Japanese accent." [Second only to *If Footmen Tire You."]*

### **Notes**

* Check out Marsh on Twitter, *Be Reasonable*, *Skeptics with a K*, *The Skeptic* (UK), and at The Good Thinking Society, or (thanks to Eli) Skeptic of the Year and MarshStoleHisVaccineFromAnOldLady.com.
* As mentioned in the episode, Wownow entertainment produces over a hundred movies a year (121 in 2021 before November), including *Under the Sea* on 23 June 2020, *Under the Sea 2* on 6 April 2021, and *Finding Jesus 2* on 25 May 2021 (which only managed a runtime of 52 minutes—they should have saved those extra eight minutes from this one).

### **Jokes**

* [Noah: Also, there's this great moment—this might be...ah, it's not quite, but this is very close to the high points of the movie—where Marlowe the swordfish starts telling Joy and Muggles that they remind him of David and Jonathan from the Bible.] [Eli: Yeeeah.] [Noah: So, for those of you who haven't read the Bible, I should be clear: that is super-duper a gay relationship. Right? David and Jonathan were a couple of dudes who were fucking in the Bible.] [Eli: Yeah. It's unque—the Bible is like "Loved him more than his wife, as one *would* love a wife; you know, with a penis in the butt. I'm the Bible."] [Noah: Exactly.] [Eli: There's even a part where Jonathan strips naked before David, and you're like "Oooh, okay." And he brings that up like "He'd give you the shirt off his back!"] [Noah: He totally does! Marlow says, in the show, "Well they were such good friends that Jonathan gave him the clothes off his back."] [Marsh: Which I can only assume is Marlowe doing like a kind of coded indication to see if they're down. It's like "You know, you guys are like Jonathan and David. How do you feel about my massive sword and my body that packs an awesome amount of power?"] (39:50)
* [Eli: I also want to throw out there that, like, during this last scene I was like "Oh, okay. They're going to go see Professor Shark." I'll admit it, I tuned out a bit—maybe I checked Twitter—and when I tuned back in, Professor Shark was talking about the Israelites killing the Amalekites.] [Noah: Okay. Okay, so yes. First of all, he says "When you break a promise, it makes Jesus sad.", and I'm like "Of all the reasons not to make a promise, you managed to find one that's meaningless." And *then* he says "It's like the Book of Joshua." Now, I wrote in my notes—when he said that, I paused the movie and I wrote "Is it going to be a genocide part? Cause most of the Book of Joshua *is*." And it *was*!] [Eli: Yup. It was the genocide part.] [Noah: The kids movie ends with a Bible quote about the Lord handing over the enemies of Israel to Joshua's armies!] [Eli: Yup. That's what the shark had to say about forgetting play dates with your seahorse friend. If *I* said that, people would be like "Hey man, can I check your crawl space?" But if a cartoon shark says it, it's *fine*.] [Noah: Yeah, right, so apparently the reason we shouldn't skip out on play dates is because God will turn us over to the Israelites. Jesus Christ.] (1:29:30)

### **Interstitials**

* As Close to What's Possible Without Getting Sued (8:13)
* There is No Law but Will! Murder! (32:10)
* Jonathan and David Were Obviously Gay (1:01:39)
* Under the Sea-Span (1:32:47) [Post Credits]

### **Tropes**

* Christians Don't Know How the World Works
* Heroes are Villains, ~~Villains Are Heroes~~
* Indoctrination of Children
* Nothing Happens
* Pyune, Pune, Pun!
* RACISM!
* SEXISM!

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Marsh: Wownow Entertainment released eight new animated films during the recording of this podcast.
* Noah: In the deleted scenes, Mr. Sushi commits seppuku.
* Eli: Heath will be reviewing *Finding Jesus 2*, by himself, in a very special solo episode.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Film on YouTube
* IMDb

### **Ad Reads**

* Magic Spoon: [CODE: GAM] Eli is Passive Aggressive About QED (1:32:50)
* Tushy: What Else is Marsh Hiding? (1:34:32)
* Quip: Better Than Reading Your Teeth a Bedtime Story (1:36:04)