271: Gleb

## Summary

Mysteriously, a plaque has appeared on Gwen's frozen body, commemorating her heroism in the Pineapple Wars and passers-by have no recollection of the dramatic events only moments earlier. The party try to comprehend what has happened and on their way back to the hotel to recover, they discover *Michael's Mechanisms* has been the victim of an arson attack, seemingly at the hands of the revived Ricardo automaton. Back at the hotel, the calliope music becomes too much for the group and Will *Charms* the concierge into revealing that there are several rooms off-limits to all patrons and staff. In one of these rooms, they're amazed to find one fraction of a calliope merrily playing away by itself.

## Synopsis

The party stand in shock, staring at Gwen's body frozen in crystalline form, almost like a statue. Kowl has also been frozen in position on her shoulder, hissing. Her outstretched hand holds an actual sticky brick, not a crystalline one, and when Raphina takes a closer look and casts *Detect Poison and Disease*, she finds it is even safe to eat.

The passers-by on the bridge are just going about their business, apparently without the slightest idea that anything unusual just happened. Will looks around in wonder. He nudges Batthwack and says *"What just happened? Did you just kill Gwen and nobody noticed?"* he says, much to Batthwack's dismay. Batthwack approaches a random passer-by who explains somewhat incredulously that the "statute" has been there for as long as he can remember. Looking again, the group notice that Gwen, standing there in the centre of the bridge, is actually surrounded by a well-tended garden of flowers with a little plaque in the soil at her feet.

Raphina's instincts tell her to look at Will's ankles and she notes that only one is visible. Sheemie pipes up, asking what's going on and everyone has a sinking feeling when it becomes apparent that he doesn't remember Gwen. He reads the plaque at her feet, which says,

> *This statue is dedicated to Thagwen Drestegen and Kowl, heroes of the Seventh Pineapple War.*
>
>

Raphina struggles to remember how many pineapple wars there have been, concerned by an acute sense that there's something really wrong with time. She curses the fact that they didn't have the book she needed at Crumplemeyer's Book Bin.

Will notes how the purple colour of Gwen's amethysts is very reminiscent of their time in Barovia, particularly the Swirly Man. Will asks Batthwack about the blue magic that came out of his chest and apparently killed Gwen. Batthwack says he was trying to protect her. Will wants to know what was going on and why they were chasing Gene. Batthwack explains that Gwen had killed Gene's family, and Will feels vindicated for all the grief he'd got for stealing things; he knew that Crumplemeyer wasn't the first person she'd killed. He hypothesises that Gwen was another agent of the Swirly Man, who killed her off because she was too cute, making friends with unicorns and the like. Batthwack reminds them that the Swirly Man was just another dark power from the Amber Temple. Will clarifies: the Swirly Man was one of Madam Eva's personas, and she was powered by the dark magic in the temple.

Raphina feels that Will still has something to do with the Swirly Man, but he's quick to disassociate himself from any blame and asks Batthwack what he was doing to Gwen with his spell. He tries to explain that his shield spell failed and he blasted her accidentally. *"And then I remembered what the angel at the Abbey told me, and somehow just thinking of that, trying to protect Gwen, I cast some kind of spell."* Raphina thinks that perhaps the spell worked in that case; it protected Gwen, but just not in the way he'd intended. Batthwack's doubtful, but does have to admit that the statue suggests she was alive during the Seventh Pineapple War, whenever that was, so perhaps she's safe somewhere in the past. Raphina suggests checking the university archive or asking Mo if he remembers Gwen, but they can't reach him at the moment with the staircase down. It seems that Mo and Hilula still exist because Sheemie remembers them. Will is not reassured. *"Guys, If I am ever a rock, don't fucking give up and say I'm safe in history, okay? Turn me back into a person."* Batthwack is more pragmatic, and with a hint of sarcasm says, *"Well, let's do it. Let's turn her back into a person."* *"Yeah, you go first,"* says Raphina to Will, who has to start backpedalling pretty fast.

They all look up at the dam, and notice that workers have already erected a rudimentary scaffold about half way up the dam, so it looks like work to rebuild the staircase is already well underway. Will spots Gwen's bag, spilled out on the ground behind her frozen form, but somehow not turned to crystal. He very surreptitiously picks it up and looking around for any other items he could purloin, he notices that the sticky brick Raphina removed from Gwen's hand has now returned. Feeling curious, he flicks it off, but nothing happens. The party all close their eyes, Will closing his last and for only a second. When he opens them again, another sticky brick has appeared! Raphina encourages Sheemie to eat one and he does -- it's good!

The party try to figure out what to do next. They were on their way to rest up before confronting the Sooty Gang and obtain the last key, but Will does not want to go back to the Toggle Hotel with its incessant calliope music. There is the abandoned house they found, but Will would rather go somewhere comfortable. They also have rooms at the Dam Top Inn, but they're inaccessible until the stairs are rebuilt. Batthwack says that he also needs to go to Tinkertown and check in on the work to revive the Ricardo automaton (he's still carrying Captain Clockface in his backpack).

The party continue over the bridge towards Tinkertown. On the way, Will has a look through Gwen's bag, finding her *Heward's Handy Spice Pouch*, he personal massager, a single sticky brick, a bottle of Bufflin whiskey, 157gp, 34sp, 8cp and the locked book with weird symbols on the lock. He pulls the book out and messes around with it while they walk along.

When the party eventually arrive at Michael's Mechanisms, they are stunned to find that it is engulfed in flames. It seems as though the blaze may have been raging for some time as there are already people hurriedly trying to put it out; there's a bucket brigade in progress and the flames are under control. Oddly, only this store seems to be affected. Batthwack immediately starts pitching in with the buckets, but Will is concerned they'll somehow get blamed for this, even though he's convinced this is the Sooty Gang's doing. He can't see any sign of them though. Batthwack speaks to a nearby helper, and learns that no-one's heard from Clegg and the rumour is that a figure made of wood jumped out of the store window and ran away shortly before the store caught on fire. They go on to say *"there was apparently something sticking out of its crotch or it's ass... there's conflicting reports."*

It seems to be safe enough to enter now, so Batthwack goes into the smouldering remains of the shop to look for Clegg or any sign of the Ricardo construct he'd left there. He finds no evidence of any clockwork machines, but behind the back desk he does find the burned out remains of a living thing. He goes back out to tell those helping with the fire that he thinks he's found Clegg's body. It seems clear to Will that Clegg must have revived the Ricardo construct who then caused all this destruction, awkwardly pointing out that Clegg probably could have revived Captain Clockface, albeit with a crank, if only they'd handed him over instead. Raphina asks if they need to worry about the fact that there's now a Ricardo construct on the loose. Thinking about the recent spate of arson, Will wonders whether Ricardo Ulysses has any connection to the Sooty Gang, and Raphina recalls Ricardo's alliance with an ibish on the airship, who seemed to be doing so of her own accord.

They decide to stick to the plan and rest up in order to tackle the Sooty Gang and retrieve the last key. They also need to collect their things from the Toggle Hotel, so that's where they decide to go. Upon arrival, they're relieved to find the hotel is not on fire, but that quickly turns to disappointment when the familiar and persistent calliope music comes within earshot. The music doesn't shut off until 9pm, so even the rooms aren't safe from it. Batthwack suggests they just grab their things and go stay in the abandoned house, but Will has other ideas. They're just passing through the lobby when he turns and goes up to the reception desk.

Will greets the concierge and immediately casts *Charm Person* on him. This concierge is different to anyone seen working there before. They're a tall human, hair parted in the centre, wearing a vest over a shirt with poofy sleeves, and shorts. The vest and shorts are emerald green and the shirt is pink. It takes all Will's restraint to stay in character as a friendly acquaintance when all he wants to do is make fun of this guy's clothes. Will starts asking questions about the music and how it plays. The concierge tells him it's magic, but that he has no idea who casts it, or where the source is. Will continues questioning and learns that if there was a problem they'd just contact the hotel owner, Gareth, who lives somewhere in Beartoggle, though the concierge doesn't know where. Will asks about forbidden rooms and is told that the basement is off limits and there are a dozen or so rooms throughout the hotel that staff aren't allowed to go in and never do, no matter the emergency. By this point the music is sending Raphina slowly insane and she's taken to lying on the floor and singing along with it. The concierge agrees to give Will a list of the rooms. Will tells him he passed the test and gives him a gold piece.

Meanwhile Batthwack has retrieved his pack and returns to the lobby just as Will is heading up. They head back up and find one of the off-limits rooms near their own rooms. The door is locked, Batthwack tries his key but it doesn't work. Sheemie offers to pick the lock, which he does with stunning ease. The room is dark, so Will casts *Light* on his billy club. The room is empty apart from a bed and a dresser, the curtains drawn over the window. Batthwack roots through the closets and finds them all empty. The bathroom door is closed and when Will goes in, the light from his billy club illuminates what appears to be one tenth of a calliope machine, the keys on the small section of keyboard that's visible, going up and down in time with the music. The party stand slack-jawed at this absolutely crazy sight, it gradually dawning on them that it's going to be harder than they thought to destroy this machine and stop the music.

*"This is not a natural musical instrument,"* says Raphina. Batthwack tries pushing on a key and they all hear the note. *"We're gonna have to burn the hotel down, there's no other way,"* continues Raphina. Batthwack puts his palm onto the keyboard and holds down a bunch of keys at the same time, adding a long, dissonant drone to the music. Will rushes out of the door and seeing that no-one's coming, he closes it most of the way and leans casually against the frame. Inside, Batthwack feels around the sides of the machine looking for a button or something to deactivate, but finds only a piece of chewing gum, which Raphina takes and puts behind her ear. Will suggests they head to the basement next and see what they can find there.

## Trivia

* The episode title came from Alex's slip up in his recap: *"So there was a little bit of a verbal fight because Will stole the key and I really thought Gwen might kill him. But then Gleb appears at the end... is it Gleb?"* Eric: *"It's definitely not. I don't know who you're talking about, but Gleb does not exist in this world."* He was of course, referring to Gene. Easy mistake to make!
* This week's episode description describes the Pork Fried Dice wiki as: proud.

## References

1. ↑ See episode 194: Pineapples and Foreign Policy
2. ↑ See episode 220: Turtles Are Highly Flammable
3. ↑ See episode 163: Physician, Heal Thyself
4. ↑ See episode 75: This Corruption, It Affects Pronouns
5. ↑ See episode 245: Meesa Mo
6. ↑ See episode 267: Mo’s Riding Steed on the Lake in My Dreams
7. ↑ See episode 268: Basement, Casement, Familiar Facement
8. ↑ See episode 246: A Pompion's Guide to Six Rivers
9. ↑ 9.0 9.1 See episode 250: A Foil Bag of Cranks
10. ↑ See episode 270: Nothing Like a Juicy Amethyst!
11. ↑ See episode 218: Sure, I'll Consider It: A Phil Lompion and Fatmack Story
12. ↑ See episode 205: Dew Skidoo, We Can Too!
13. ↑ See episode 171: So You Guys Are Gonna Be The Balloons Now?