C2 E59

We keep traveling round and round these tunnels encountering scary and delicious stuff. Every time we complete something, we turn around and see more items on the list!

## **Story**

### Long Story

Another night in the dark and gloomy tunnels beneath Rimeford. The party has bunkered down, their bellies full of a stew made of their fallen Drider enemy. T'Chuck, however, hears a noise. From the darkness, someone is approaching. He warns the others, who ready themselves for danger. The someone, however, is not dangerous. It's a small goblin, who T'Chuck is able to communicate with. T'Chuck invites the little friend to join them by the fire, which he does cautiously. The goblin introduces himself as Griff, and he has a friend with him. He's a large mushroom man, who's name is Jonah, but he goes by Kitten. Like all the mushroom-folk, Kitten speaks really slowly.

Griff and Kitten are happy to hear that the Drider is dead. The Drider, actually, is the whole reason they are out here. The small motley crew tell the party of their dark past. Years ago, Griff worked under the employ of one Ratma Ritmo, barkeep for the stars. He worked as the brewer in The Goblin Pit, where Ratma would keep him, and everyone else in Mineford, safe. But then, one day, she left. We know that she was tending to The Goblin Pit up in Rimeford, but why she left Mineford is a mystery. Following Ratma's disappearance, there was no one to keep the people of Mineford safe. Soon after, the Drider arrived, and made the tunnels into his personal hunting grounds. Many were killed, including Griff's family. He, and the other surviving locals, vacated the city. And now, they're here.

Alright, well, the Drider's dead, so... The party invites Griff and Kitten to accompany them back to Mineford, which they accept. They will be stopping by The Cloisters first to visit The Abbott, but after that, to the Goblin Pit it is. As they travel, R'Oarc asks if they would be able to spread the word that Mineford is safe to live in again. Griff says he can probably tell "Rick", who can tell others. Rick used to be a piece of shit, but you know, people can change.

Soon, they return to the Cloisters. The Abbott senses that there's no ill intent in Griff and Kitten, so they're cool. The Brain Collector's hypothalamus is given to the Abbott, who gets to work creating the concoction needed to access J'Michael's mind. In the meantime, he invites them to stay the night. They'll be safe here, and in the morning, the potion will be ready. The group accepts. T'Chuck gives the Abbott some of the Drider meat to make a stew.

Despite the Abbott's insistence that they are safe here, the group decides to set up watch. Once again, T'Chuck takes the first watch. Nothing happens, so he wakes R'Oarc, who is next. Again, nothing happens. Screech was supposed to be next, but R'Oarc forgets, and wakes Selene instead. That's no big deal, though. Selene's watch, also, passes uneventfully. It may or may not be morning by this point, but with no way to tell time down here, everyone just keeps sleeping. Selene wakes Screech next, for his delayed watch. He does takes Beholder-doodle's Darkvision Goggles from Milton Graves, which he uses to see nothing happening. I guess the Abbott was right, there's no reason to worry. Screech wakes Milton to take the fifth and final watch. Just like last time, he falls asleep, the old fool. This, also, is big deal, however. The Abbott wakes everyone to tell them that the potion is done!

The potion will only work for a few moments, so they will need to use their time wisely. J'Michael, somewhat hesitantly, drinks the potion. His eyes grow wide and bright. His posture straightens. A look of clarity passes over his face, and his voice, usually slurred and unintelligible, becomes sophisticated and clear. J'Michael greets his friends as equals for the first time. So, what's the deal with him anyway? Apparently, J'Michael is under some sort of curse, that's preventing him from... doing what needs to be done. Dragons reproduce asexually, through masturbation, but because of the curse, he's unable to make it happen. He can't... complete the ritual, if you know what I mean. Because of this, he's a bit... backed up, and it's causing his mind to go cloudy. So, here's the deal: If they can lift the curse, he'll be able to do the deed, which will clear his mind, and allow him to reproduce!

Well then. What about The Abbott, can he help? He says that, while this isn't exactly his area of expertise, he would be able to make a particular kind of stew, which might help J'Michael be able to... make it work. However, he lacks the proper material to make the stew. However, he does know how to get this material. However, it won't be easy. However, the party is strong, and ready to fight. The Abbott tells them of another creature, with yet more salvageable parts. The ligaments of a Bone Golem would do it. But where can they find a Bone Golem at this time of night? Well, there is one place... The Boneyards! R'Oarc is thrilled to learn that they'll finally be going to the Bonelands. Wait, Bonelands? Boneyard? Which is it? No one knows, and it doesn't matter.

The path leading to the Bone~~lands~~yard is long, and involves returning back to Mineford. The Abbott recommends another way, a faster way, but it's more dangerous. The party decides not to do this, as they aren't really in much of a hurry. They decide to return to Mineford, so they can drop off the Drider head on the way. And that's how it is that Day 18 of the campaign is spent traveling. They do get there slightly faster thanks to Griff and Kitten showing them a shortcut to keep them out of danger. Along the way, R'Oarc shows them the mushrooms she pulled off the wall. Kitten recognizes them, and is able to tell her which ones are bad (which are deadly), which are good (they'll get you high), and which ones make you poop. She sneaks those into T'Chuck's bag.

Anyway, the party eventually makes it back to Mineford, where Ratma Ritmo is waiting for them. She greets Griff and Kitten, and then the party hands over the Drider head. Hurray, another quest done. She mounts it on a spike outside, to show off how safe the area is now. And with that, the 18th day comes to an end as the party sleeps the night away in the Goblin Pit. Which, by the way, they decide is named "The Goblin Pit Too".

The next morning, as the party is preparing to head out to the Bone~~yard~~lands, there's a knock at the tavern door. In walks a really cool looking guy, with a leather jacket, sunglasses, and a beard. He's "Dan", and he's the baker around here. Cool.

Well, it's time to go. Who should they take with them. Obviously, Milton has been a huge boon to the party, might as well drag him along. They decide to leave J'Michael and Gertie behind, because they're not going to be much use to anyone. And with that, the party heads back out into the Underdark, to the north-west. Destination: Boneyands.

Also, the cast talks about the number of people here in town, and the number they land on is 12. Personally, I'm not sure how this math works out. Unless I'm missing someone, I count 11: T'Chuck, R'Oarc, Screech, Selene, Milton, Ratma, J'Michael, Gertie, Griff, Kitten, and Dan. But who knows.

### Short

The party takes a rest for the night, and are visited by Griff and Kitten. The group invites them back to the Mineford, and they accept. Together, the party returns to the Abbott, who makes a temporary healing potion for J'Michael. This clears his mind long enough for everyone to learn what's up: J'Michael needs to masturbate in order to reproduce, but he's been cursed. He can't finish, no matter how hard he tries. This is causing his mind to be cloudy and dim, which explains his current predicament. They will need to harvest the tendons of a Bone Golem in order to get him to be able to finish. There's a Bone Golem in the nearby Boneyard. The path to get to the Boneyard leads back through Mineford, so they go that way. Ratma hangs the Drider head out front, which causes a man named Dan to show up. The next morning, the party leaves Gertie and J'Michael behind, and heads out to the Bonelands.

## **Trivia**

* Day ~~17~~ ~~18~~ 19 of the campaign.
* Kitten is not the first Mushroom-folk we've seen on the podcast. Remember Ralphie and Edgar?
* Griff views Ratma as a god.
* Kitten, the Mushroom-folk, only eats mushrooms. Is this cannibalism?
* Kitten views the purple glowing mushrooms as "spicy".
* The meat from the Drider only comes from the bottom, spidery part. Not the human part. So, this is decidedly NOT cannibalism.
* Gertie is a Level 0 commoner.
* I'm not sure if it's been officially confirmed before now, but the tunnels that we're in right now are The Underdark!
* The Bonelands are to the north-west of Mineford. The Cloisters are south-west.
* The Boneyard is full of un-dead creatures, ghouls, ghosts, and whatnot.

## **In This Episode...**

### **Cast and Player Characters**

* Michael DiMauro - *Dungeon Master*
* Tim Lanning - T'Chuck
* Jennifer Cheek - Selene von Esper
* Nika Howard - R'Oarc
* Mike Bachmann - Screech Echo / Beholder-doodle (Milton Graves)

### **Non-Player Characters**

* Griff
* Kitten
* The Abbott
* J'Michael
* Gertie
* Ratma Ritmo
* Dan

### **Locations**

* The Underdark
	+ The Cloisters
	+ Mineford
		- The Goblin Pit Too

### **Quest Log Updates**

* [Active] - Restore Mineford to it's true potential
	+ [Complete] - ~~Bring the Drider's head back to Ratma Ritmo~~
* [Active] - Cure J'Michael's curse
	+ [Complete] - ~~Return the hypothalamus to The Abbott~~
	+ [NEW][Active] - Bring the ligaments of a Bone Golem to The Abbott
		- [NEW][Active] - Find and kill the nearby Bone Golem

### **Quotes**

* **"He failed the Survival, so he doesn't Survive!"** ~ *Mike Bachmann*

* **"Do you know what just occurred to me, is that, while J'Michael was cogent, we should have asked him what his name is..."** ~ *Jennifer Cheek*

* **"Look, a dragon masturbating, is a beautiful thing, okay?"** ~ *Ratma Ritmo, unfortunately*

## **Rolls**

* Everyone continues their *Perception* rolls from the last episode
	+ **T'Chuck** - 24
	+ **R'Oarc** - 11
	+ **Screech** - 23
	+ **Beholder-doodle** - 11
		- T'Chuck thinks he hears someone approaching

* **T'Chuck** rolls *Perception* to see who's approaching them - 27
	+ He sees a goblin peeking around the corner at them

* Everyone rolls *Survival* to make it back to the Cloisters safely (with Advantage)
	+ **T'Chuck** - 11
	+ **Screech** - 18
	+ **Selene** - 18
	+ **Beholder-doodle** - 7
		- They are able to make it back with aplomb

* **Selene** rolls *Insight* to see if the Abbott was offended by the group setting up watch - Nat 1
	+ She thinks he's offended.

* **Screech** rolls *Insight* to see if the Abbott made a pervert sound - 12
	+ He thinks it was a pervert noise.

* Everyone rolls *Perception* during their watch
	+ **T'Chuck** - Nat 20
	+ **R'Oarc** - 21
	+ **Selene** - 21
	+ **Screech** - 11
	+ **Beholder-doodle** - 4