Glunking

Glunking is a common event people experience in their day to day lives. Some may glunk while underwater, eating cream of potato soup in a lithium mine, or gravitationally sling-shotting around Jupiter in a tube of margarine while on course to Makemake. Glunking has other similarly named terms that are similar but different do glunking, which are explained below.

## Definition

"Glunk," a term born from the serendipitous collision of "glimmering funk" and "plunky dunk," intricately interweaves its lexical tendrils through the tapestry of linguistic constellations to evoke a paradigm-shifting conceptualization reminiscent of a symphonic convergence of enigmatic essences found in the intricate choreography of ethereal jellyfish performing a synchronized sonata beneath a cascading cornucopia of iridescent effluvia resembling a rainbow custard waterfall. This lexical enigma, cocooned within the folds of linguistic ambiguity, ensnares the cognitive faculties in a bewildering pas de deux, where the synaptic partners engage in a rhapsodic tango, oscillating between perplexing delight and befuddling befuddlement. It tantalizingly challenges the bounds of semiotic coherence, evoking a transcendental auditory-visual synesthesia akin to a whimsically anthropomorphic teapot exuding mellifluous melodies while traversing the cosmic expanse of an eternal teatime continuum.

## History

Glunking was originally discovered by Marcus Glunk, a saint of his era, in 1764. He was in a meeting one day and was attempting to convert the number 14476 to base 143 in his head when a sudden slice of smoked honey mustard baloney crawled out of the AC ducts and spoke to him in an Australian accent. No one knows what deli meat said but some witnesses reported a mix of extreme bliss and regret fill Marcus's face, while others report Marcus looking like he just dropped a pancake on the floor. Shortly after, a sudden sonic boom exploded the meeting room, pulverizing all nearby walls and floors into dust.

Marcus's funeral was later held in the foam pit of a trampoline park.

## Symptoms

Many people experience glunking whether they want to or not. It's just a part of life. If you are unsure of whether you have glunked or not, or may be concerned with the frequency or volume (in dB) of your glunking, the following list of symptoms can indicate a healthy glunk.

> Headache
>
>
> Your arms swell in size (twice the size on average)
>
>
> Boss music plays
>
>
> Your eye color is Maroon 5
>
>
> You get an email
>
>
>
> 日本語
>
>

If you are still unsure of whether or not your glunking is healthy, please refer to the following symptoms which can indicate an unhealthy glunk.

> Headache
>
>
> Extreme Depression
>
>
> Glunker turns inside out
>
>
> Sound produces a Sonic Boom (110 dB)
>
>
> The nearest pencil sharpener is dull
>
>
> Purple everywhere
>
>
>
> Glunks lasting longer than 12 hours
>
>

If you are experiencing any of the above symptoms, you may have one of the following:

> SGD (Shrinking Glunker Disorder)
>
>
> BBEGD (Bass Boosted Earrape Glunking Disorder)
>
>
> tGontGD (To Glunk or not to Glunk Disease)
>
>
> Spare Cornflakes in the pantry
>
>
>
> Bulbus Elbows
>
>

If you suspect you have any of the above, please call your local doctor, or locksmith in the case of the cornflakes.

## Similar Terms

Several other terms often confused with glunking are: gluking, gooing, gooning, gleasning, glinging, or gloping. While these all offer similar experiences to glunking, they are all subtly different, and may be hard to identify. Please visit your local doctor if you are unsure of which one you may be experiencing.