Don't Feed the Deer... Or Her Anger

**Don't Feed the Deer... Or Her Anger** is a future Chronicles episode of Nicktoons Unite Adventures. SpongeBob has taken Patrick, Squidward, and other willing Nicktoon Heroes on a camping trip to Yosemite National Park. However, as if getting beaten up by a Sea-Bear six times and hospitalized by a Sea-Rhinoceros weren't reason enough for Squidward to decline, a foul-tempered deer is on the rise. When the deer encounters Squidward, she mistakes him for one of two hunters who recently killed her son off-season, and pursues him mercilessly, forcing him to conspire with a passing Dominator and the vacationing Grim to drive her off, while the other Nicktoon Heroes join together with some park rangers to find her and calm her down.

## Scenes

### Squidward Reluctantly Agrees to Go Camping

Squidward: NO, I WON'T DO IT! I WON'T GO WITH YOU ON YOUR STUPID CAMPING TRIP!

SpongeBob: Oh, come on, Squidward, it won't be that bad at Yosemite National Park. Sandy always told me that that place was very beautiful, and it's actually where some of her relatives lived.

Squidward: I'm serious, SpongBob. I've already had enough with camping in my life. Especially after how many times I was beaten up by a sea bear and was hospitalized by a sea rhinoceros. (Shivers) So I'm not gonna let any bears or pumas beat me up.

Patrick: Well, we warned you that sea bears were real, and you never listened to us.

Squidward: Well, excuse me! How was I to believe that those creatures were real? The newspapers tend to spread lies about conspiracies or myths, and I'm sure not all people would believe that when they saw it. So it's technically not my fault.

Patrick: That was different, what the Bikini Bottom Inquirer and Fake Science Monthly said was true.

Squidward: AND HOW WAS I TO BELIEVE THAT?!?

Shifu: ENOUGH! Squidward, you're starting to get uneasy with this whole camping expedition. I believe you should go so you can relax from all of this stress.

Squidward: I TOLD YOU, I'M NOT GOING, AND- (Pause) What do you mean, "stress"?

Shifu: I mean, your stress will build up if you stay on Volcano Island, so as a High Council member-

Squidward: (Gasps) You little badger! (Private screams until Skipper slaps him) I see what you're doing!

Shifu: Do you?

Squidward: Don't think I can't see what you're doing!

Shifu: And what is that?

Squidward: You're saying I've gone off the deep end!

Shifu: Squidward-

Squidward: (Holds up tentacle) Ah! You're saying I'm soft! You think your little "stress relief" challenge is gonna make me go camping with SpongeBob and Patrick, but that is never gonna happen! The only way I'm going to get stressed is if I sit out there all night with those two losers! So, get used to it! (Storms off)

Shifu: (Pause) Very well. If that's how you want to relieve your stress...

Squidward: (YELLS IN SHIFU'S FACE!) THAT'S IT! I'M IN! I'll show you stress! (Runs to get his stuff)

SpongeBob: (to Patrick) Squidward's gonna come camping with us! (Both giggle)

Mantis: You two are a bit too excited for this. You know that guy tends to be a real grouch, right?

Patrick: Oh he's fine when you get used to him. He's like a snail. Just give him some space and he won't be too bad.

Viper: Well, just try to take care, you two. And, try to avoid repeating the same mistakes as what had occurred in the last time you two were camping.

Patrick: Oh that's easy, espeically when Sea Bears and Sea Rhinos can't live on land.

Tigress: But there CAN be other concerns of nature. From sickness spreading parasites, poisonous plants, to dangerous unsentient animals.

Spongebob: Oh don't worry. I never go camping without my Clam Scouts Survival Guide to Camping. (Brings out the guide) This guide gives the best advice on what to do in camping related situations.

Monkey: Ya know, it's weird that you have this much sense of prepareness, and yet you still don't have a boating license?

### Squidward is NOT Having Fun

Squidward: (He's trying to lie down on his sleeping bag) Must... re... (Cracks his back) LAX! (He slumps down and pulls out a hand mirror) Look at yourself. You're losing your bluish glow. Stop worrying so much. Remember, you're only here because you want to make a point to Shifu. If something bad happens to you, just let it happen, then the Nicktoons So-Called "Heroes" will call PTE and have Grim bring you back to life. Then, the next time SpongeBob thinks of something like this, you'll never have to go with him again. Everything will be just fi-hi-hi... (A tick was crawling on Squidward)

Tick: Don't mind me man, I am just having some lunch.

Squidward: AGGGGAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!! (He starts running around trying to get the tick off, screaming)

Tick: Aw come on man! I'm clean! I don't gots Lyme disease or nothing! I just want a bit of red stuff, that's all!

Squidward: AGGGH!! AHHH!! AGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! (He dunks his head in a lake, then resurfaces) Ahh... (The tick is still there, but Squidward now has a face full of leeches as a mother and daughter squirrel duo are seen in a tree)

Kid Squirrel: Mommy, why did the strange man dunk his head into Blood-Sucker lake?

Squidward: Huh?

Leeches: Yummy, yummies in our tummies.

Squidward: AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!! (He runs around, and plows his head into a tree, and when he pulls out, a gooey sustence is covering his head as it removed the tick and leeches) Ahh...

Tick: Boy, are you a fool? Why did y'all cover yourself in honey?

Squidward: Huh? (Angry bees are seen)

Bee: Kick... Hizz... Azzzz.

Squidward: AGGGGGGGGGGAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHYAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! (He ran from the bees and jumped into a lake)

Bee: Damn it, we lost him!

Squdward: (Resurfaces) Whew. (A ranger ran up to the lake)

Ranger: Hey man, are you crazy?! That's the cursed lake of the mad chainsaw specter!

Squidward: CURSED LAKE OF THE MAD CHAINSAW WHAT?! (A ghostly skeletal deer stag rose from the lake, cackling like a maniac) YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAGAA!! (He ran away from the specter and eventually lost him, then he pants heavily) Whew... That was close.

???: You said it. (Squidward saw the tick again)

Tick: He could've ruined my lunch. Speaking of which... (The Tick stuck his head into Squidward)

Squidward: EEEYEEOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!

(Back at the Campsite)

Squidward was seen with a bandage where the Tick bit him.

Spongebob: Well Squidward, based on what you said about a Mad Chainsaw Ghost, I think we may need to have Grim take a look at it.

Danny: (Sighs) I got this one. (Goes ghost and flies off to confront it)

Patrick: Aw man, Squidward had all the fun. (Brief silence)

Squidward: Fun? YOU CALL THAT BRIEF TRIP INTO A FOREST-COVERED NIGHTMARE, FUN?!

Spongebob: That was obviously a poor choice of words, Squidward. What Patrick meant was, uh... He mostly said that because he's Patrick.

Squidward: Fair enough, but STILL! He and I CLEARLY have different conceptions of fun!

Patrick: Is that because you like to play music and I like Jellyfishing?

Squidward: (Pause) Okay, those technically aren't wrong answers, BUT THEY'RE NOT WHAT I MEANT! I meant, I wouldn't call the torture I just went through, FUN! Look, just leave me alone for now, okay? I'm going to go to the bathroom. NO, CALLS! (Walks off).....

Spongebob: Wow... I want to say I've never seen Squidward so upset before, but, I usually see him upset all the time, and yet, he feels extra upset today.

Danny: (Comes back, having caught the ghost) Oh, please. He's just being a big baby, over a stupid deer ghost, no less.

Spongebob: Well, still, I think we should let Squidward have his space. Give him time to cool down.

Danny: Yeah, maybe he just needs to think for himself, ya know? In the meantime, let's try not to let his bad attitude ruin this trip and enjoy it. He'll come around.

## Transcript

Don't Feed the Deer... Or Her Anger/Transcript