No

June 27

Today I turned myself purple on Animal Jam to raise awareness on animal cruelty.

It went ok at first. I was surprised, however, because the last time I did it I got a lot more people.

Someone said "STOP ANIMAL POACHING!"

I agreed and added it to my advertisement to turn yourself purple.

Then someone started saying, "But we need meat to survive."

I said, "What about hunting for sport?"

The person ignored me. Someone else said in defense, "It's not right to poach."

"But we need medicine and food to survive."

Somebody else said, "I watched a video where SeaWorld took a baby orca from its mom!"

The person said, "If it weren't for zoos animals wouldn't survive. Besides, there are plenty of orcas out there."

This got me mad. I have read A LOT of books, and I don't like it when people say something false.

"Orcas are endangered."

Leaving that argument, the person said, "Animals don't have feelings like humans do."

All the purple people said "Yes they do! You can't prove that!"

Another said, "Elephants pay their respects to their dead."

This, I knew, was true. I had seen it in NG Kids magazine.

"How do you know that?"

I was enraged by this ridiculously foolish person. They eventually left, but barely anyone was purple anymore.

Another person came on, denying that we should help animals and stop chopping down trees. I got into a heated argument and I swear, they were mocking my intelligence by making sarcastic comments.

After a while we stopped arguing even though I still had a lot of things to say and I was still mad.

I said, "I'm really sensitive, so at least I didn't cry this time. I hate it when that happens."

I said something about me being Christian that I don't remember. Someone said, "I'm Christian too!"

I said something else, I think it was "I wish everyone could change. I pray for people."

Then, all at once, people started attacking me. One person said, "Did your parents send you to Jesus Camp when you were little?"

I said, "No, I was born Christian. My mom was, and so I am."

Someone else said, "How were you born Christian? Convert.."

I didn't know what that meant and frankly I didn't want to know.

The same person said, "Why do you judge other peoples' beliefs?"

I was extremely close to crying. What did I say? Should I just shut up my entire life and not say anything?

I was also close to shouting. "I WASN'T!"

One person understood and apologized. I felt terrible.

I still have nobody to talk to about my feelings. I don't want to talk about it with my parents, because I feel embarrassed.

I have a lot of pain inside. I have been searching for someone to talk to, to let out all my feelings and hate and anger and tears.

Nobody on AJ will listen. They appear too absorbed with their own lives.

I hope I meet someone soon. Someone who will listen quietly and understand and not interrupt me and ask questions till the end. Someone who will love me and know what I'm going through.

All I wanted was to raise awareness for animal cruelty.

June 29

I am in a Clan on Animal Jam, BloodClan.

It is nice despite violence. It helps me let anger out.

We have a wiki page:

http://animal-jam-clans-1.wikia.com/wiki/BloodClan\_OFFICIAL

Recently, we have accepted to be in a Four Clan system.

http://animal-jam-clans-1.wikia.com/wiki/A\_Four\_Clan\_System

We are having a tangle with the whole territory deciding thing. I wanted to help, because normally I like puzzles.

I thought about it and gave my suggestions. I didn't expect anyone to like it, but I had a very small hope that it might help everyone out.

My leader, Scourge, replied.

I'm not even going to explain what he said. See it for yourself (I'm Castor).

It was like a huge slap in the face. I literally broke down, though I managed to cry on the inside.

I didn't know.

All I wanted was to help. This is why I am normally extremely unhelpful in problems, because I'm afraid this sort of thing is gonna happen.

I don't blame him. I'm sensitive, he doesn't know. But it hurt. It stung.

I hope I have the nerve to still talk to him on AJ. I hope they sort things out.

I didn't know.

June 30

9:03 AM

I had a hard time falling asleep last night.

I kept thinking of how I should apologize to Scourge.

I stayed up for at least two hours trying to fall asleep.

I also stayed up thinking about what I should type here.

When I finally went to sleep I had a dream, even though I asked God not to give me any. I kind of hoped He wouldn't but He gave me one anyway.

I only remember it vaguely. Me, Scourge and a few other BloodClan members were there. I saw everything through the eyes of my OC Castor, and so did everyone else. We could stand up and walk on our hind legs.

Me and Scourge were doing improv or something. I can't remember exactly.

I have stupid dreams like that.

They're either made up of what is in the back of my head or if I can only think about a single thing.

I'm not surprised Scourge was in my dream.

I'm going to go and respectfully apologize now. Wish me luck.