Darius

**Darius**, sometimes known as **Director Darius**, (PROSE: *The Book of Evil*, *The Time of the Toymaker*) was a disgraced mid-ranking member of the Drove of the Database-Compiling Dromedaries in the Prime Universe, who became an enemy of the Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids.

## Description

### Physical appearance

Darius appeared as a humanoid camel. He wore a labcoat and a pair of small glasses. (PROSE: *Pessimist and the Dromedaries*)

### Personality

Darius was resentful of his unimpressive status within the Drove of the Database-Compiling Dromedaries, seeking to obtain greater glory and recognition. He also seemed to have a genuine desire to accumulate knowledge for its own sake, albeit in a superficial way rather than as part of a truly principled scientific ethic. (PROSE: *Pessimist and the Dromedaries*)

## Biography

### Abduction of Pessimist

Head Assistant Researcher Darius, in charge of the Drove of the Database-Compiling Dromedaries' research on Strangely-Colored Secret Societies made up of non-humans at Research Laboratory 6, became frustrated with how little the Drove had found out on the Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids, and ordered Assistant Researcher Lila to capture a live Cupid. She managed to do so, bringing back Pessimist-242. Darius then questioned him, making it clear that he intended to take all the credit for the ensuing discoveries instead of Lila. When Pessimist suggested that his absence might be noticed, he had a captive Clockmaking Capybara create a duplicate whom he sent back to the Homeworld in Pessimist's Fog Ship.

   However, after a successful round of questioning, Pessimist, put back in his cell, organised a mass escape of all the speciments in Laboratory 6, which ended with the Laboratory itself being destroyed and Darius being hit with a Cupid Arrow. At this point, the Blue Feather came back for Pessimist, having easily identified the overly-cheerful duplicate as a fake. Darius, still giddy from the effect of the romanticisation, stole the Ship at gunpoint and ordered it to take him to the Homeworld, but the Ship outfoxed him by dropping him in front of Lord Thymon, and in a manner which knocked over piles of mail which Thymon had just finished sorting. The angry Thymon used a ritual to banish Darius into the Void Between Worlds, where he began drifting, all too slowly, towards the Interdimensional Tavern. In his absence, the rest of the Drove decided to pin the blame for all that had gone wrong that day on him, and fired him, with Lila inheriting the post of Head Assistant Researcher. (PROSE: *Pessimist and the Dromedaries*) Back in the Homeworld, the Fog Ship was outfitted with a small laser so that it could defend itself if something like this happened again. (PROSE: *The Toymaker's Labyrinth*)

### At the Interdimensional Black Market

Darius eventually reached the Interdimensional Tavern and used the moderate sum of cash in his wallet to rent a small room. He lived there for several months in resentful despondency, eating only the cheapest items on the Tavern's menu: the Gruel and the Thin Syrup. He conceived a great enmity for Alistair Neezley and his endless, long-winded, self-aggrandising tales.

Eventually, Darius met another traveller, dressed in a hooded black cloak, who claimed that he was looking for the Cupid Homeworld and owned an outdated Void Ship which was useless to him without the exact coordinates of the Cupid Homeworld to plug into it. Darius actually knew the coordinates, having seen them flash on one of the screens in Pessimist's Fog Ship during his earlier visit there. Eager to get revenge on the Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids, he made a deal with the hooded stranger to tell him the coordinates if the stranger would agree to take him along — not letting the stranger know what he planned to do there.

However, as they were building up speed in the Void, one of the floating eldritch abominations tried to take a bite out of the Ship. They managed to pierce through the dimensional divide at the last minute, but not before the closing jaws of the abomination dealt some damage to the engine and the directional system. As such, instead of the Cupid Homeworld, the Ship materialised in a random dimension which happened to be the Interdimensional Black Market, where it promptly crashed. Using a little Earth money left in Darius's wallet, Darius and Tracker were able to buy a 210K Twin-Carbonoid Dualtech Engine from the ship-parts seller at the Market, as well as the ship-building robot CS-NA, whom they set on the task of repairing the Ship.

Before CS-NA was done, they were identified by a Wraith as outsiders and taken to the throne room of the Queen of the Black Market. Trying to stab Tracker, the Queen uncovered his true nature as a Clockwork Cherub, much to Darius's outrage. Realising the duo might be valualble, she tried to auction them off. Using his Clockwork Cherub ability to hack into any pre-1960 technology, Tracker signaled for CS-NA to bid ludicrous amounts of money on them, allowing them to slip away from the auction area. Before the two and their “buyer” could leave aboard the newly-rebuilt Ship, the Queen spotted them trying to leave without paying, and as they took off, the Ship was soon damaged again as one of the pursuing Wraiths tore away one of the stabilising fins. However, this did not overly compromise the Ship's aim, and Tracker was able to fly it back to the Tavern, where he dropped off Darius, who had tried to double-cross him by throwing him out of the Ship. Just as he was getting his bearings, he saw Neezley walking back into the Tavern, ready to begin another tale, and let out a shriek of rage. (PROSE: *Misadventures in the Interdimensional Black Market*)

### Continued stay at the Interdimensional Tavern

By Halloween 2019, he was still renting a room at the Tavern, and lived in it like a recluse, working on building a Void Ship for himself. Because of this, he entirely missed the brief appearance of the whole Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids plus Lord Thymon in the Tavern via the Emergency Transport Button. Trying to keep his anger under control, he instantly stomped back to his room to have a lie-down after learning how closely he'd missed them from Tpxszum. (PROSE: *The Ghosts and the Machine*)

Darius received an entry in the Book of Evil, which noted that he had begun spuriously styling himself as “Director Darius”. This entry was one of the excerpts digitised by Technician-042 a short time after Halloween. (PROSE: *The Book of Evil*)

A short time later, Marksmanship-522 visited the Tavern, looking for a quiet place to get some rest and having entirely failed to find one in the Cupid Homeworld itself. He ended up renting the room next to Darius, who spotted him. Though Marksmanship easily scared him off with a Cupid Arrow, he then realised that Darius would try to get to his Fog Ship, which he had left parked out front; after heading him off from doing just that, Marksmanship reasoned that he couldn't leave the Ship unattended, and decided to leave. (PROSE: *Peace and Quiet*)

### Revenge in Manik

After running out of funds, Darius was kicked out of the Interdimensional Tavern, only to be picked up by Doctor Curious, who attempted to befriend him. Darius instead evicted Curious from his own ship and stole it. However, he soon crashed it in the mountains of Manik in the Frost King's Realm. There, he discovered the Frost King's seemingly abandoned throne and treasure.

Finding an intact interdimensional object-transporter in the wreckage of Curious's ship, he wrote invitations to a quest to find the treasure to everyone he wished to get revenge on — a list which now included Pessimist-242 (who came alongside Dandy-432) but also the Interdimensional Tavern waiters Tpxszum and Frederick (joined by Alistair Neezley), the Gang of the Green Gorilla, the Collective of the Retconning Crocodiles, the Order of the Automata's leader (serving as a substitute for a Salamandyr), and Madame Tarsa. He also tried to contact the Queen of the Black Market, against whom he had a more direct grudge than Tarsa, but couldn't find her address. To make up the numbers, however, he also sent an invitation to the Wellsians; he had read their story only to later hear about real versions of them at the Tavern, and his scientific curiosity was pricked.

Having gathered his list of invitations, he then beamed the invitations the Interdimensional Post Office, who duly delivered them. Most of the recipients found the dimensional coordinates scrawled in the margin of the invitation and made their way to the treasure's location, only for Darius to deliver his grand monologue and then realised he had failed to actually think of a plan to get rid of them once they arrived. He was easily overpowered by the group of disappointed treasure-seekers, and Tarsa created a dimensional portal to a random location before tossing him through. (PROSE: *The Frost King's Treasure*)

## External links

* **Character profile on the official *Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids* website**