288: Gimme a Break, Like My Foot

## Summary

Batthwack accidentally breaks Sheemie's foot trying to yank off the flying boots, and even though he heals Sheemie immediately, Will won't let him anywhere near the boy. Sheemie is sent away while Raphina and Rosco stage something of an intervention, taking both Will and Batthwack into the Nitty Gritty Saloon to straighten everything out.

## Synopsis

The rest of the party gasp in horror, but Batthwack races straight up to Sheemie and immediately heals his broken foot. Will isn't far behind and begins hauling Sheemie up to his feet. *"What is wrong with those boots? Why don't they come off?"* says Batthwack. *"It doesn't matter what's wrong with the boots. There's no reason for you to be pulling a leg off to get them. What's wrong with you?"* counters Will. *"You can't talk to me like that Will! I'm fucking King Batthwack!"* yells Batthwack, before catching himself. Will grabs Sheemie and casts *Fly* taking them both into the air and out of Batthwack's reach. Batthwack tries to explain that hurting Sheemie had been an accident, but Will doesn't dispute that. *"I think that you're a little angry and obsessed. I think we need to sit down, have a little talk. All of us. Rosco included."*

Down the street is a small, unobtrusive sign advertising the Nitty Gritty Saloon. Rosco spots it. *"I know this place, I've been there plenty of times. It's a pretty good place. Pretty good food, pretty cheap. And it's pretty uneventful for the most part, and it's a good place to go to if you're trying to get down to the nitty gritty of interpersonal situations."* *"Let's take a peek,"* agrees Raphina. They begin to head towards the tavern, but Will, hovering overhead with Sheemie, takes the boy to one side. Batthwack watches the two of them intently, muttering worriedly to Raphina, *"I just gave them a tug. They are* not *coming off. I mean, there's something weird. There's something really unusual."*

Will whispers to Sheemie, *"There's something weird and unusual going on with Batthwack."* He suggests Sheemie fly away and make himself scarce, and is just slipping him the key to his room at the Dam Top Inn when Batthwack suddenly appears level with them, having gotten impatient and climbed straight up the wall with terrifying speed. *"Sheemie, I'm not going to hurt you,"* says the dragonborn unconvincingly. Will says he'll talk to Batthwack inside the bar, and Sheemie promises that he does actually want to give Batthwack the boots; he only didn't because Will was worried about what's going on. This seems to calm Batthwack down enough to let Sheemie fly away.

Meanwhile, Rosco and Raphina chat idly from the ground while they watch the others up above them. Raphina recounts the skydiving she used to do in her youth, sailing down from a very tall tree using a blanket as a home-made parachute. Tired of waiting, they head into the saloon with Bernard and Rosco the dog, finding it pretty busy with a lunchtime crowd occupying most of the tables. It's a very dimly lit but warm place; the whole of the right-hand wall is taken up by a giant fireplace and roaring fire. A few servers busily move back and forth to the kitchen, and a sign in the back left corner shows the way to the beer garden. Rosco suggests going in the beer garden where Rosco dog will be welcome, and they head back there and settle down.

Eventually Will and Batthwack make their way there too, following the sound of Raphina's loud conversations with Rosco. The beer garden is a small courtyard with a wizened old locust tree bent over in the corner. A couple of benches and a few tables fill the area, one of which is occupied by Raphina and Rosco. They sit and Raphina holds court while Rosco grabs some refreshments.

Raphina insists that Will keep quiet. *"Will, we're gonna practice some deep listening,"* she says. *"It is a wonderful reflection of your beautiful nature that you have an instinct to be so over-protective of the children that we come across. You might remember that I used to be able to see what you were feeling. I have not forgotten the way you feel about your family. And just because you aren't actually a father to somebody, doesn't mean that you haven't been a father to so many people in your family, and a care-taker, and more than a brother. And I know that you are very worried about somebody else hurting a child in your care."* She turns to Batthwack. *"You clearly are stuck. You're stuck. You're attached to these boots just like they're attached to Sheemie's feet. You are attached to them. And you haven't revealed why. What is this yelling I hear about Gully's End?"*

Rosco returns with ales, bowls of lima beans for the dogs, baked potatoes and bread with dipping sauces of soy sauce, horsey sauce, salsa and mayonnaise. This is too fancy for him, so he gets out his own personal mustard which he carries for just such an emergency. He urges Batthwack to explain his obsession with the boots. Batthwack talks about the picture he and Will saw in the locked book, *"It's a place I know pretty well actually. It's a cliff that overlooks Gully's End. There were two of us, maybe it was Raphina and Rosco, looking down into the valley and everything was on fire. I don't know if that's a real image or not. I said maybe this book is full of lies. But if it is real, I won't let Gully's End burn."*

## Quotes

* KT: *"Will looks at Rosco, like 'How does he know things about contracts?'"* Will: *"Anyway, you weird contract boar, let's go in."* Sheemie: *"Will, I've heard them say that about you behind your back."* Abby: *"Homophone! Ooh high-five!"*
* Rosco: *"So here's four ales for everybody. Here's four pieces of bread, with mustard, personally derived."*

## Trivia

* The episode title was a quote from Eric. Sheemie was trying to reassure the group that he didn't really have diarrhoea, when Eric may have momently slipped out of character to say, *"I already said I didn't have to do no diarrhoea. Didn't you listen to the recap, where I had to figure out how say 'diarrhoea' right at the start in whatever-the-fuck-accent I've got without any kind of lead-up? This guy who writes it, he writes his first line as 'I'm Rosco Lafleur,' 'cuz he knows that's what he needs to get into the voice! While out of nowhere I just have to say diarrhoea and then later I have to say it emotionally! Emotionally! Give me a break! Like my foot. All right, here we go..."*
* This week's episode description describes the Pork Fried Dice wiki as: shimmering.

## Recap

This episode featured Adam doing a recap in the style of an episode of the American television documentary series *E! True Hollywood Story*.

## Gallery

*Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice*

## References

1. ↑ Will's room at the Dam Top Inn was room number 2. See episode 246: A Pompion's Guide to Six Rivers