Michael De Santa's Dialogue

## Greeted Back

* Oh, hey.
* Yeah, how are you?

## If NPC Tells A Story

* Je-sus fucking Christ!
* You must really worry your family.
* That's very... Worrying.
* I think you probably need a shrink.
* And I thought I needed therapy.
* Man, you're crazy!
* No, no, really; that's fascinating.
* Whoa!
* Well, that put me in my place.
* My God! I'm not sure what to say about that.
* That's America for ya!

## Insults

* Hey, you! Really?!
* You know what? You are one nasty fuck!
* What exactly is wrong with you?
* You make me wanna puke!
* When I say you suck, I mean you really suck!
* You're really making my skin crawl!
* You should get some help with that personality of yours!
* You define everything that's wrong with this place!
* You know what, you should see a doctor for that shit!
* I just hope you have proper hatred for yourself!

## Insults (Angry)

* YOU KNOW SOMETHING? YOU'RE FUCKING PATHETIC!
* WHY DO YOU EXIST?!
* YOU'RE AN IRRELEVANT PRICK!
* YOU SHIT!
* YOU SUCK!
* THERE IS NO FUCKING POINT TO YOU!
* WHY ARE YOU STILL BREATHING?!
* HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU ALIVE?!
* YOU PIECE OF SHIT!
* YOU MAKE MY SKIN CRAWL!

## If Threatened

* Fuck you!
* Fuck off!
* Why don't you fuck off?
* Go fuck yourself.
* Yeah, you! Fuck off! Now!

## Starting A Fight

* It's on!
* Come on, then!
* Let's roll, fuckhead!
* This oughta be interesting!
* Remember, I'm a bad person!

## Starting A Fight (Angry)

* HIT ME THEN!
* YEAH?!
* RUN AWAY FROM ME!
* COME ON!
* YOU’RE FUCKING DEAD!

## Knocking Someone Down

* Had enough?
* Come on, get up! I'm having fun!
* Oh, you want to keep going?! I'm still fresh!
* Ain't this a kick in the pants?
* Really?! You want some more?

## Knocking Someone Down(Angry)

* STAY DOWN!
* STAY THE FUCK DOWN!
* ARE WE FINISHED?!
* STAY OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY!
* FUCK YOU!

## Talking To A Corpse

* So sorry.
* Now maybe you'll shut up and listen.
* Next time you'll listen. Well, you know what I mean.
* Sorry about that...

## Talking To A Corpse (Angry)

* AND NOW YOU'RE HISTORY!
* OH, SORRY ABOUT THAT!
* WELP, THAT'S THAT!
* SORRY!
* SORRY, NOT REALLY!

## Gaining A Wanted Level

* Great, cops. Fucking beautiful.
* Ah, just in case I'm not having enough fun already!
* Ah, crap!

## Gaining A Wanted Level (Angry)

* What the fuck?!
* Oh my god!
* Jesus!
* Damn!
* Shit!

## Irritated

* Ah, crap!
* Ah, shit!
* Ah, for fuck's sake!
* What is this shit?
* What is this bullshit?
* Fuck!
* Motherfucker!
* Shit!
* Damn!
* Oh, the fuck?
* Ah, this is total bullshit!
* Ohhh fucking fuck

## If Hurt

* Argh, Jesus!
* Aw, shit!
* Aw, fuck!
* Oh… man! Ow!
* Aw, man, that, fuck...
* Aw, crap! That hurt.

## Greeting Ron

* You're pretty creepy
* Oh, it's Trevor's even weirder friend!
* Hey, Trevor's weird friend.
* Ah, you're Trevor's creepy friend.
* Well if it ain't Trevor's weird buddy.

## Robbing A Store

* Stay calm and clean out your register!
* No heroics! Just give me what's in the register!
* Clean out that register now!
* Give me whatever you got in the register!

## Shooting At The Cashier While Robbing A Store

* Come on, faster!
* I'm waiting!

## After Drinking Sprunk

* That did the trick!
* Now that was nice!
* That hit the spot!

## Out of Money

* Ah, dammit, no change.
* Shit! Where's my fucking change?!
* Ah fuck, I'm tapped out!

## Engine Failure

* Come on...
* Start up, you piece of shit!
* Let's go! Fuck!

## Engine Failure (Agitated)

* ARGH! FUCKING START!
* COME ON!
* NOT NOW!

## Stealing A Car

* Move! Move! Let's move!
* Get the fuck out of here!
* Sorry, but I need this!
* Alright, let's go!
* I'm gonna be using your car!
* Keep coolio baby, it's just a car!
* Ah, it's insured, don't be a dick.
* Don't act like a tough guy!
* Come on, bro! Time to move!
* Vamos the car, amigo!

## Stealing A Car (Woman Driver)

* Sorry, lady! Nothing personal.
* I need to borrow your car, lady!
* Forgive me, sweetheart!
* Come on, lady! Don't fight it!

## Stealing A Car (Agitated)

* Oh, stay cool, pal!
* GET OUT, BUDDY!
* DON'T BE A DICKHEAD!
* DON'T BE A FUCKING HERO!
* GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE CAR!
* OUT!

## Stealing A Car (Agitated) (Woman Driver)

* MOVE THAT SWEET ASS!
* GET OUT OF HERE, BITCH!
* OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR, LADY!

## Stealing A Car (Dead Driver)

* I hate to do this.
* Sorry, pal.
* The dead don’t drive.
* I hope you didn't shit yourself.

## Stealing A Car (Dead Driver) (Agitated)

* Very sorry!
* Excuse me!

## Stealing A Bike

* Say, can I borrow your bike for a minute? Or six?
* Don't mind if I borrow this for awhile, do you?
* Sorry about this, not really.

## Stealing A Bike (Angry)

* I need that bike!
* Get off that thing!
* Gimme the fucking bike!

## Near Misses (Driving)

* You got lucky, buddy!
* Woo, too close!
* Oh!
* Shit!
* Look out!

## Near Misses (Driving while agitated)

* DAMN!
* SHIT!
* FUCK!

## Car Crashes

* Hey, the car!
* This was a nice car!
* I like this car!
* Hey, you hit me!
* You know how much this car costs?!
* Hey, you selfish prick!
* So you're gonna drive into me?!
* You... Fucking dick!
* You fool!
* I've seen some bad drivers, but you, whoa-ho-ho!
* Oh, you screwed up my car!
* You entitled piece of shit!
* What, you don’t see me driving?

## Car Crashes (Agitated)

* I ain't got time to swap details, asshole!
* I ain't got time for this crap right now!
* Goddamnit! Fuck! Not the car!
* Not now!
* You fucking idiot!

## Buying A Drink

* That one, please.
* Hey, gimme another.
* Yeah, that one.
* I’ll take another of those.
* Same again.
* I’ll take that.

## Arrested

* Ah, shut your fucking mouth.
* I know people, pal!
* Well done, pal.

## Arrested (Angry)

* SCREW YOU, COPPER!
* AH, SHUT UP!
* SHUT THE FUCK UP!

## Shooting Someone

* Alright! Let's do this thing!
* Ain't this nice?
* Are we having fun now?
* I guess this is how you like it, huh?
* I know, I know, it ain't fucking cool!
* Come on, asshole!
* Come on! Kill me, I need something to talk to my shrink about.
* I guess I'm not having a very good day!
* I guess this is how the fuck it is!
* Yeah, I'm an old fatass fucker with a gun!

## Shooting Someone (Angry)

* FUCK THIS!
* ALRIGHT, LET'S GO, PEOPLE!
* AIN'T THE AMERICAN DREAM GRAND?!
* AIN'T THIS A BARREL OF FUN?!
* COME ON, MOTHERFUCKERS, SHOOT ME BACK!
* YOU THINK YOU FUCKING SCARE ME?!
* HEY! YOU WANT ME?! KILL ME!
* FUCK ALL YOU FUCKING FUCKS!
* YEAH?
* YEAH? YEAH?!
* FUCK OFF!
* COME ON, THEN!
* OH YEAH, LET’S DO THIS THING!
* UH HUH! WHAT?! YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY?!

## Bumping Into NPC

* Excuse me!
* Hey, sorry!
* Look out!

## Bumping into NPC (Agitated)

* MOVE, WILL YA?
* GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!
* COME ON, MOVE!

## Running Someone Over

* Oh shit, sorry!
* Get out the fucking way!
* Oh, sorry about that.
* Forgive me!
* Sorry!

## Running Someone Over (Agitated)

* WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!
* SORRY! NOT REALLY!
* AHH... FUCK!
* DAMNIT, SHIT!
* WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

## Flirting With A Stripper

* Baby!
* You are great!
* Mmm! Peach body oil! Greatest smell in the world!
* Please, just don't tell me your life story!
* You... I'm... This is... Life is good!

## Losing at Righteous Slaughter 7 (Switch Scenes)

* Fuck this shit! Ah, seriously. (Getting T-bagged)
* Fuck! Fuck! Ah, motherfucking fuck!
* Agh! Screw this shit! Ahhhh! Millennial fuckwads!

## Knocking Out The Player

* Okay, your choice, funny guy.
* Alright, alright. You win.
* Alright then, come on!

## Entering Safehouse Before Did Somebody Say Yoga?

* Honey, I’m home.
* Hey, big daddy’s home, as if anyone gives a shit.
* Anyone wanna pour daddy a whiskey? No?
* The guy who pays the bills is here.
* Is peace and quiet too much to ask for?
* Daddy’s home.

## Entering Safehouse Before Reuniting the Family

* Hello?
* Anyone?
* Anyone come back?
* Just a big empty house.
* Ah, I'm never gonna get used to the silence.

## Entering Safehouse After Reuniting The Family

* Oh, family, I’m home.
* Hey, your dad’s back.
* Daddy’s back, bitches.
* Big daddy in the house.
* I’m still alive, in case you’re wondering.
* Yeah, it was a tough day at the office, thanks for asking.

## Witnessing NPC Police Chase

* Oh, it ain’t us they're after.
* Oh, man, I'm getting jumpy. Those sirens weren't for us.

## Getting Car Stolen

* Argh, give me a break!
* Bad idea!
* I’d advise against that course of action!

## If Franklin Follows Him

* Stop stalking me, kid.
* Hey, I’m serious. Get lost.
* Hey, back off, kid.
* Seriously, stop the stalking.
* Hey, kid, what is this, some kind of big joke?
* Will you fuck off?
* What is this a joke, kid?
* Are you following me, kid?
* I ain’t finding this funny.

## If Trevor Follows Him

* Listen, will you stop following me?
* T, give me a break.
* Alright, that’s enough - just fuck off.
* Will you fuck off, T? Seriously.
* Will you fuck off, T?
* Are you following me?
* T, stop fucking following me.
* Seriously, fuck off.
* Can you please stop following me?

## Shooting All Nearby Enemies

* I'm not having a good day.
* Who’s next?! Anyone?

## Shooting All Nearby Enemies (Angry)

* I TOLD YOU TO FUCK OFF!
* ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!
* YEAH, I GUESS THAT’S THAT, MOTHERFUCKER!

## Hailing A Cab

* Oh, taxi!
* Cab!
* Taxi, here!

## Hurrying Taxi Driver

* Let’s go!
* Come on! Get the lead out!
* Come on, buddy! Let’s go!

## Running Over A Friend

* Shit, shit, no!
* No, no!
* Ah, fuck, no!

## When Near A Cinema (Hangouts)

* We ain’t far from the movie theater. You wanna catch a flick?

## If The Car Is Too Small For The Prostitutes

* You know, this car ain't quite the party bus. Some other time.
* Ah, hey I'll take a raincheck. This car ain't big enough.

## Taking Prostitutes For A Ride

* Get in the car.
* Hey gorgeous, jump in.
* Hop in.

## Purchasing Vehicles Online

* Fantastic.
* Cannot wait.
* Man, I love the Internet.

## Sobering Up from Weed

* Ah, my poor fucking head!
* Ah, man, I gotta stop smoking that shit!
* Man, I should go back to therapy!
* Man, I never knew I hated myself that much!
* I'm starving and miserable!

## Running Over An Animal

* And that's one for the pot!
* I know what I'm having for dinner.
* Natural fucking selection!
* Wrong time to cross!
* You should've heard me coming!
* Evolve some ears!
* Get out of the road you stupid beast!

## Running Over An Animal (Angry)

* MOVE! YOU STUPID ANIMAL!
* MOVE, DUMB ANIMAL!

## Riding On A Rollercoaster

* Come on! Let's go! I love rollercoasters.
* SHIIIIIIT!!!
* THIS IS NOT FUN!
* OH MAN!! STOP!! STOP!!!
* WAHAHAHOO!!
* GET ME OFF! GET ME OFF NOW!!
* I love entrusting my safety to carnies.

## Taking A Hit From Jimmy's Bong

* Oh man, I've got to stop doing stupid things. I just smoked pot. I'm going to die. To die. To... Die. What is death? It's just a word. Like turd. Turd. Turd is a word. I'm a death turd. I'm the turd of death... I'm a dead turd.
* Are they fucking nuts? This is no fun. This... This is no fun. Uh uh. This... not... fun. What is fun anyway? Fun, ah! Fun is.. fun is... death. I am gonna die, and that is fucking fun..! that is not fucking fun.
* This is completely horrible in every conceivable way and it is all I deserve in this life. I was born to suffer.
* Woah! That stuff is strong. That stuff is real strong. I am weak, but that is strong. I can't feel my legs. Or my head. Have I lost my head? No, wait. Here it is. I have a head, but do I got a brain? I can't feel it. Shit. I can't feel shit.
* Why do I keep doing this to myself? What is wrong with me?! What isn't wrong with me. I'm entirely wrong. Entirely *wrong!*
* I really should smoke more of that stuff, makes me realize what a great guy I could be... If only I didn't... I didn't lie and cheat so much- if only I wasn't such an asshole... to everyone.
* Why did I smoke that stuff? What is fucking wrong with me. It's always the same, every time. Every fucking time. I'll be good. I'm bad. I'll be nice. I'm a cunt. No wonder everybody hates me! They're right. I'm worthless. Worth... less. Less worth. Oh man, I think my spine is melting. Fuck this.
* Shit. Shit. I'm a father and I'm stoned. I'm a stoned father. I'm a father. Yup. That's me, I'm a father and I'm taking fucking drugs. No wonder my kids take drugs. No wonder they hate me! It's a wonder they don't hate me more! I hate me more! I really hate me.
* Why did I do that? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? What is why? What is what? Why is what. What is what and why is why? Is is? Is? I mean, seriously, is it? Is is is? Is it? Come on, somebody fucking help me! I want to know is is? Is it? Oh man, I'm fucking lost.

##### Coming Out Of High

* Man, I never knew I hated myself that much.
* I'm starving, and miserable.
* Oh, man. I gotta stop smoking this shit.
* Man, I should go back to therapy.
* Augh. My poor fucking head.