An Angel with a Bat

Saturday. It's four in the morning, my cell phone rings. I lift the device from the dresser, pull it to me, and unplug it from its charger. "Who the hell is looking for me at this hour," I think to myself and look at the screen. On the green screen of the small, noisy device appears the inscription "Detective". I put my finger on the small screen and pull it from left to right.

"Yes, Detective?" I ask.

On the other side of the conversation was the sound of a car trotting along the road with the detective's voice opening his mouth and answering, "We found a picture of your daughter, Darcy, Ben."

My eyes, which until then had been half-open, gaped at the shock of the detective's words. My daughter disappeared two months ago and only now, he tells me they've found something... a fraction of hope I've lost. At one point, the detective returned the hope that I could get my daughter back.

"W... when can we meet?" I ask in a voice that is clearly coming from the throat of a man who has just been shaken.

"I'm on my way to you, Ben, see you in about fifteen minutes," the detective replies confidently.

I get myself out of bed, memories, so many memories filling my head right now ... "Darcy ... I'm going to take you home ... finally ... you'll be home soon my sweetie." I think to myself while the room spinning around me, within a few seconds the circular motion of the room stops and I manage to get myself out of my bed, a bed with diseased ingredients. I walk slowly towards the shower, turn on the light that strikes me like a metal baseball bat, taking my eyes for a few moments to get used to the new amount of light flooding them. I brush my teeth and share my face. All the time, all my memories are filled with glimpses of the past, when she was here, when both were here... when I was happy, when I was a happy person.

I go to the kitchen and start making coffee, fill myself a cup, add sugar and sip, but the taste is not sweet. Despite the presence of sugar in my coffee, the coffee is not sweet; in fact, I have been unable to feel sweet flavors for two months, since it has disappeared. I put my mug on the table and think, "I need to make a cup for the detective, he'll probably like hot coffee in the morning" and I find myself thinking about something else, about someone else, not just my Darcy. I make the detective a cup of coffee, put it on the table in front of me, sit down and wait.

A few minutes after I sat down to drink my coffee, the doorbell rang, dong dong. I get up and walk slowly toward the door. I open the door and in front of me standing in the hallway Detective Reynolds, Michael Reynolds, a tall thin man with large sunken eyes, they betray a great mental fatigue. I shake the detective's hand and invite him inside.

As soon as the detective entered my house and closed the door behind him, I tried to forge a ton of enthusiasm to hide my pain and asked, "So... so what did you find, Detective?"

The detective takes a USB device out of his jacket, hands it to me, and says, "I suggest you sit because I'm sure you will not like what you're going to hear now."

I took the little accessory from the detective's hand and said, again in a fake tone, this time a little less, "Excellent I made us coffee, let's sit in the kitchen and talk about it." When I started to say that bad thoughts again flooded me, "Did they find a body? Is she being abused? Is she in the custody of some sort of terrorist organization?"

On the way to the detective I tried to hide the storm inside me and when we sat down at the kitchen table the detective started talking, "I recommend you not watch this, just take my word about it... We found your daughter in a pornographic film on some private website. We are really sure that this is your daughter because although the site is private it usually publishes the names of all of the actors and actresses, most of them are famous, but your daughter is registered under an unfamiliar name ‘Didi Angel’, nobody has any info on this girl”.

Hearing this, I interrupted the detective in a burst of anger, "What, it cannot be, how my Darcy will do such a thing, especially after what she has gone through!"

The detective stopped me and said, "I know very well what happened to her... but sometimes there are cases in which the soul is so hurt that it is attracted to the source of the original damage"

I tried to calm down and asked angrily, "Are you talking about Stockholm syndrome?"

The detective nodded and said, "Something like that... Look, I'll go now, you're welcome to call at any moment and we can continue looking for your daughter, but now you're too upset and it does not help bring your daughter back." The detective got up and continued, "You take your time to digest these things, think about everything, and then call me. The video on this disc was published on the Internet five weeks ago, back when your daughter was a minor, it was probably filmed earlier, so with that you can stop and put on trial who ever had led her to this, you see, we'll bring her back... but you have to relax."

The detective left my house and then burst into tears, "My Darcy could not have stoop so low, to such lowly things! I forced myself to calm down after a few long minutes of crying and took the disc-on-key; I plugged it into my laptop and turned on the video on it.

At the beginning of the video you could see a girl who looked exactly like my Darcy, the same blue eyes, the long black hair, the same physique... she had a tattoo on her arm, Darcy had no tattoos.... The girl was in a fancy room dressed in a kind of servant suit with fake Rabbit ears. It seemed as if she was brushing dust off the furniture until a tall, naked man entered the room where my Darcy was at, the minute I saw him, I wanted to tear him apart, I wanted to stop watching the video... She was there, Darcy... I'm sure of that! I did not stop watch... I kept watching the clip, I’ve watched the whole god damned thing. Twenty full minutes during which a man undressed my daughter, performed on her oral sex... She rode him, turned to the camera, showed pleasure and desire... My sweet daughter... It was not Darcy... Darcy had no tattoos...

This is not Darcy...

Darcy hates tattoos...

This is not Darcy...

She would not agree to do such things to herself

This is not my daughter ...

All the time that I had watched it, tears came streaming out of my eyes... I almost tore the handle from the chair I was sitting on.

My daughter will never do such a thing...

*When you seek to ascend, you look up. I look down because I am ascended*.

It happened six months ago, it seemed like an eternity had passed since then, but it was only six months ago. Everything has changed since then, there was a trial but I lost it. Of course, I lost it, they had money, they had known what to do in order to change the outcome in their favor - money can do anything, even buy justice. The McCully brothers, three in number, got me to my present state. They convinced everyone that I was guilty of everything, that I had made it all up. They told them I chose it and when I did not like the results, I decided to blame them, why would I do that. Everyone knew it was the truth but money buys everything, does everything! Even my father ... the flesh of my flesh began to fall for this lie. I was alone, lonely in this world, everyone was baffled by me, everyone had gotten away from me, even if just in the slightest ways - even my friends had left me and all because of this one little lie, because of some foolish animals in the form of a man are unable to take responsibility for their actions.

I did not want them to look at me strangely; I did not want to be treated as if they had to be next to me, better to be alone than to be in the company of Judas, so I left everything and everyone. I began to be alone, to be stuck in my own music - Beats were probably my best friends ever since.... I’ve stopped hanging out with people, I’ve stopped talking to them, I avoided talking to my father as much as possible, yes even him. I started to spend more time in libraries and books at home, I started to sit at the lonely parks and look at nature. I became what commonly referred to as a really strange, freak of a girl. I became what they claimed to me be but, to be honest, I did not care what people were thinking about me.

One day I sat on the grass and started to read a book. At a moment when I was already immersed in the plot, I heard behind me a deep and dominant voice asking, "Excuse me, can I sit here?"

I turned and behind me stood a man, he was not particularly tall or short, he was average, well built, but there did not seem to be anything attractive or special about him. He had short brown hair that hung over his head and was combed to the left, a short red beard and blue eyes the same as mine, they were so familiar. It took me a few seconds to realize that I had not yet given him an answer. I was too absorbed in the story of my book and I replied, "Yes, of course"

The man sat down next to me, looked at the book, and asked, "Is this Solomon Northup autobiography?"

I nodded and tried to get back into the book but the man just kept on talking, he said, "Excellent book. It portrays the dual nature of man, on the one hand we have amazing qualities like determination, resourcefulness, courage and morality but on the other hand we also love to be bad , very bad... so bad that we are willing to enslave another person to fulfill our whims"

"Are you a philosopher or something, if so you probably know that Socrates was tried and sentenced to death for harassing people in the street, you do not want to end up with the same fate, do you?"

To my surprise, the man just smiled and began to sing, "She has the eyes of the blue sky as if they think about rain. I would hate to look into those eyes and see even a drop of pain"

The man's reaction surprised me, I had no doubt that he was a very strange person; not only does he start a conversation with a girl who probably half his age, he also begins to sing to her?!

"I can see the pain and sorrow in your eyes... and to your question, no, I am not a philosopher, in my opinion philosophy, like religion, and like any human ideology is poison to the free soul. However, it is not just that, it is just another part of everything, in nothingness, man is nothing and everything - a whole world, but also a microscopic speck of dust in the great universe that is also everything ... In the end everything is here and there, everywhere, and in general ... Everything is only transitional but eternal energy."

I grinned with slight embarrassment and said, "It's really pretty what you said now, you know?"

The man lay down on his back and said, "Thank you, thank you, by the way my name is James, James Brooks"

"Darcy Castiglione," I replied politely to James, the anger that had bubbled in me not long ago was now gone, James asked me to lie down beside him on the grass and look at him with the skies, and I agreed. Even if he is some type of pedophile I am no longer the age of the desires of such people, nor does it look like he is one.

A deep conversation broke out between us and I did not notice that the sun had set. After sunset, I lifted myself off the grass and told James that I had to go home. We agreed to meet the next day at the same place. After another meeting, the arrangement became permanent, and we began meeting every single day at midday for three weeks. Who would have thought that a thirty-two-year-old man and a seventeen-year-old girl would become best friends? Certainly not me. One day, James came along with two girls who looked about my age. He introduced them as his little sisters, Amelia who was a ginger girl with green eyes and from the beginning, it was clear to me that she was exactly the same kind of girl who everyone claimed me to be. From the way she walked to the way she licked her lips when she heard that I was Italian. On the hand, there was Sabrina, a bespectacled blonde-haired girl with a fashionable knee-length dress who soon realized that she was a very smart and tasteful girl. It was clear as day that she had a taste for the right things in life. We became the best friends really fast.

Sabrina would lead me and Amelia every day to different exhibitions in museums, movies and various social gatherings during the days, and Amelia would run us every night at the best clubs and bars in town.

After we knew each other so deeply that we had no secrets we decided to go shopping together to be the "clubbing queens" of that night. No matter how much the taste of the two girls was different when it came to wearing both, they immediately agreed that the short black dress that I had chosen for myself fit me perfectly. Amelia even said, "It's just as sexy as this dress is!" Moreover, Sabrina added, "Yes... this dress is flattering you, Darcy."

That night I met Alex, the brother of the two girls. We were in one of those clubs that Amelia loved to drag us to almost all the time, drank a little alcohol and danced to ourselves with pleasure, until some young guy started grabbing and groping me at first I tried to get physically away from him. However, he just kept going everywhere I went. Then I tried to make him go away by using words, I said, "Listen, it flatters me that you're trying to hit with me... but I have a boyfriend, so..."

The guy just smiled and said, "A pretty girl like you should know that a boyfriend is something you can replace, especially when you have a far high quality stuff standing in front of you"

The guy was starting to annoy me so I said, "You keep telling yourself that ..." and I turned around to go somewhere else, but the guy just grabbed me by the waist. I thrashed myself away from him and yelled at him, "Get your hands off me, you bastard!" And I started to walk away quickly when unpleasant thoughts filled my mind again- the words, the touches, the aching, the pain... the anger, so much anger ... rage.. " I kept hearing this guy following closely from behind.

The guy who tried to catch me through the dancing crowds, called out "Oh I love them wild... it's going to be fun tonight!"

At that moment all my thoughts were concentrated in one moment, a moment that just infuriated me, I'm sure that for the bystanders I had appeared as if I was going to explode. I was about to turn to the guy, jump on him with my fingernails digging into his eyes and pulling them out of their rancid sockets just to silence his screams by pushing his eyes into the filthy mouth of this gigolo. That’s I heard another manly voice say, "Tell me, do you not get the girl is not interested?"

The harassing guy stopped in his tracks and immediately replied, "Oh yes? Who asks, her boyfriend?"

The other voice answered, "No, her older brother..."

The guy replied, "What will you do to me, eh?"

The second voice that claimed to be my brother must have hit him in the face because, by the time I turned around, I saw a blond guy with green eyes standing over the dog who tried to hit on me. He came up to me and said, "You must be Darcy. Jimmy told me a lot about you." I called the girls and we left that shitty club, got into Alex's Toyota, during the ride the girls tried to calm me down. Without much success, it was clear to everyone why. Alex asked me where I lived and drove me to my house, holding my tears as well as I could, and I must have done very well because no one said anything about teary eyes as I parted ways with them at the entrance to the house. As soon as they drove away all my pain just subdued me, it pressed me to the floor and I burst into tears.

*Nothing happens in full conformity with the rules of logic*

I was born a whore's child, in every way. The childhood was not easy; you could say that I grew up without parents. I never knew the father, he was her client, the whore, Cecilia, was there. The prostitute did not let up on her work even in my infancy, there was, among clients some kind of concern for me. The whore however, no, she did not care whether I was there or not, whether I was or not.

Cecilia would hit me every time I was "disturbing" her in her work, so many men went through my house every day, every month, every year. And if that was not enough, there was hardly anything to eat at home because I grew up in a small town in Ohio. From a very young age, I had to work to preserve the mediocre state of our miserable house. By the time I was about ten years old I had learned everything an adult man could do, except to fuck a woman. This one, it probably will never happen, now, that’s because of the incessant abuse of my harlot mother and the attitude of the other children to me, I have developed a strong hatred for female sexuality, a principle that guides me even to this day.

They kept on nagging me, "Would you suck me up for fifteen dollars like your mother?" "Would you ask your mother to have sex with me? "Pretty sure all the men in town are your fathers." "You must be loving it, you probably love to look at how they make your mother feel good, eh, little bastard?" these are the kinda things they would say. Once, two of them, Randy Stone and Owen Gray, tried to tease me while I was walking around in the abandoned factory and I just got fed up ... I was sick and tired of hearing about that retarded bitch who had spawned me and broke, I just broke down. I can never forget this day, I'll never forget what happened there.

I ran to Randy and slammed him down on the cold concrete floor with my weight. Punched him in the face and then Owen pulled me from his fucking shitstain of a pal by grabbing my collar, regained my balance, grabbed him by the belt of his pants and started to push. Soon enough Owen screamed, as the cold, prickly metal of the barbed wire had pierced his half-exposed skin, he tried to push me away, but his efforts were nothing but futile. I pushed him again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again... until suddenly, after one last push, his whole body trembled and he was stuck in the barbed wire. He was shouting, screaming, and trying to break free of the spiky cables that had sunk into his flesh, but every movement he made only entangled the dogs body more and more. I released Owen as I heard Randy's footsteps behind me, I saw an angry child advancing toward me with a rock in his hand, I knew I had to do everything to avoid this rock. Randy came over and shoved the rock into my face, The rock hit me under the left eye - the pain was terrible, the whole left side of my face was numb, Randy waved again I did not have time to think, I grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him forward when I kicked his right leg backwards. Time froze. The abomination fell to the floor, a rock stuck in his skull... blood on the floor... the realization sank... quickly... the boy did not move... the two children did not move... one on the floor... one hanging on the fence. I ran, I ran as fast as I could... and I did not tell anyone what happened, I did not tell anyone about what I had caused. The next day at school, it turned out that the both of them had died of blood loss and were looking for whoever was in charge of the deed. Luckily, no one had seen me running away from that place, and no one had seen them coming there.

Shortly after the incident with the two dogs who are currently in Hell, Mother... This horrible whore... Got cancer, stopped accepting customers and took light jobs in town to pay for both of us, or rather her own fat ass. Food was scarce, we got along like this for a year, the second year of this fiasco, and the business she tried to handle did not succeed at all. One winter day a drunken man knocked on the door of our house, she opened the door and the man tried to attack her, Of course, an obviously skilled prostitute like my mother would know how to defend herself so she just shoved the man, kicked him and slammed the door behind him. During this time in her life, she became a very closed and religious person. Ironically, during this whole situation, it seemed to me as if she had a split personality, on the one hand the great Babylonian whore and on the other the Virgin Mary... Ironically, the house that was once filled with horny disgusting men began to be decorated with portraits of Jesus and other so-called holy saints.

One day, after there was no food in the house for a few days and there was no way to get it, the next morning my mother went looking for work or some way to find any cash. What she found instead changed my whole life... The man, who came to our house the night before, laid in the snow, lifeless ... Mother, this terrible woman, she called me out and when I saw the body in our doorway, my gagging reflex was activated, but I did not even have anything to throw up. This woman grabbed me by the shoulders and said, "We survive, we have to survive, and if we have to eat people, we'll do it... Now come and help me drag him in." My heart began beating madly, “Eating a man? How far can this madwoman go? She's talking about a dead man who will save us all if we believe it, and now she also wants to eat the body of some poor man who froze to death in his drunkenness?" I thought to myself, but I had no choice. “She might do something to me, she might hurt me” I reasoned with myself. We dragged the body into the house and she prepared food from it. A lot of food... tasty food... very tasty... especially its fatty parts, hind cheeks, calves and belly. She wanted me to throw the head out and so I did, but the man's face had something to it, something beautiful, and something that attracted me... Then at night I took the head out of the trash and cut its face as carefully as I could... I washed it and put it up to dry. This idea came to me from some horror film where someone wears a human-made mask.

I kept my face secret for about two weeks, and then she found it, that fucking fucker whore found it! She found my piece of art and completely freaked out... She just got mad and started throwing things around and throwing objects at the walls. The doctors have determined that I suffer from quote on quote an antisocial personality disorder, or, in simple words, that I was a psychopath, probably suffering from schizophrenia and other things with hallucinatory effects and names that I have not tried to even remember. To hell with those doctors, it was not that I was talking to my dried face; I just said I liked how it looked and wore it sometimes. Fucking so-called professionals, not even in the slightest, less sick than the psychos they were meant to be treating!

In any case, I spent the next decade in a mental institution. The other patients got away from me. They took me as a kind of demon or something… Freaks. A child, who committed a double murder, devoured a human body and wore human-made masks... All before the age of ten, That kind of thing had to be a demon, eh? Everyone, fuck you! At some point, I was told that the whore was dead; I do not remember when even, all I had to say about it was "very good!" After a decade of good behavior and of playing along with the system it concluded I should be released.

A year later I went to jail for stealing cars and armed robbery for six years. Even there everyone who heard about me decided that I was probably some sort of demon-possessed monster, the girl from the Exorcist. Most of them did not come near me, even people who were sitting there on serial murders. They wanted not to mix it up with Satan's son. During this period, I met some god-hater who managed to smuggle drugs into the cells, very exotic drugs, in one of our meetings, I told him all of my past and he decided that I was the Antichrist. The person who heard about my mother, decided she was in fact Mary Magdalene, my very own holy prostitute of a mother. I thought the man was nuts, totally screwed up in his head, until I took one of the cacti he smuggled, and then everything became clear to me... Everything becomes clear, the serpent is not the devil, the snake is the one called the Son of God… This garbage has to be ridden of!

A few months after I was released, I started selling these cacti to people too, carelessly. I was caught and went back, back, home - to jail, at this point I've spent more than half behind some sort of bars, I do not have a house outside, my house is the cell with the steel bars and the lock. This time I was locked up for another seven years, but because of the most impressive acting skills I possess, I was released after four for good behavior. Two years ago, I met Alex, then Tye, Sabrina, and Amelia... and I taught them the taste of real life, a life devoid of all the chains of humanity, of the serpent, the life that awaits us all out there. Now it is the turn of Darcy Castiglione to learn about this life.

*Nothing begins to end; the adventure does not allow itself its length, it has no meaning but in its death.*

I burst out home in the loudest way I could, unintentionally of course, but my emotional turmoil just got me out of control, the noise I made, must have awakened Father because he came out of his room in his pajamas with a puzzled look on his face. The moment he realized that, I was crying he ran to hug me and asked, "What happened to you, honey?"

I whimpered for a few seconds while stuttering and only some time later did I stop myself because I realized that I was not saying anything clear, just had embarrassing sounds come out of my mouth. I detached myself from Father's grasp, wiped my face and said, "Some guy touched me... He did not listen when I told him to stop... He loved..."

Dad stopped me there, he asked, "Did it happen again, Darcy?"

I wiped my face once more, took a deep breath and replied, "No... He just tried, I ran away from him and a friend of mine put him in his place..."

He said, "It's very good that it's over like this, but you know, I think you should stop finding these kinds of friends, you know very well what happened the last time you had those"

"What, are you accusing me of that?" "How exactly am I guilty that there are pig men in this world, eh?" I asked him as the anger was crystal clear in my trembling voice.

"I do not blame you for anything... stop thinking that everyone is against you, everyone is here for you, when will you understand that?" He answered me as he tried to hide his unease about the subject.

I turned around and went to my room saying, "Yeah sure... Everyone's on my side here... To hell with all this, damn it all... They should have killed me that day, maybe then someone was really on my side!"

I could hear Father shouting in my name but I decided to ignore him and locked myself in the room. I got tired of hearing the shit of people here, I sent a message to Jimmy asking if I could take some time off by moving in with him and the other guys. he agreed immediately and the next morning I packed myself some clothes and some money and took my faithful baseball bat with me. Maybe all this would not have happened, but at the moment it was hard for me to judge whether this was for good or for bad - I was not God, not yet.

I left home relatively early, eight AM  is early at a weekend. I left the house quietly so that Father would not notice or try to stop me from leaving - I was tired of seeing and suffering all this, even him, even if I loved him, he was just like the rest and I could not take it anymore, I really care about you, Father, but enough was enough. Next to the house, Alex's jeep was waiting for me; I threw the bag inside the trunk and sat in the front seat next to the guy who saved me yesterday from serious trouble. I smiled at him and said, "Good morning."

"You're sure you want to get out of here, we're going to another state, it's a long journey and it's not worth it to you if it's just a fight with the family," he said.

I clutched at my shoulders  and said, "I'm 100 percent sure, I'm not going to come back here, I want a place where I'm welcome and accepted as I am, I've had enough of everything here"

"Okay, if you're this positive, then we're going... Welcome to the family, by the way," the man in the car answered me as he started his car again.

I smiled widely and replied happily, "Thank you!"

The ride was quite long, over four hours, we stopped somewhere near Los Angeles, in a small, rundown ranch. The initial feeling was amazing in this place. We arrived just after noon. I was treated very well in my new house, even by Tye, whom did not know me yet, Tyler was another of Jimmy's little brothers and he was responsible for this amazing meal that was waiting for us when me and Alex had arrived at the ranch

Our lunch included steamed rice with vegetables and meat, meat I did not know, it had a chicken-like texture but a bacon-like look, I had no idea what it was, but it was amazing, along with the main course came an amazing vegetable salad and for dessert we ate ice cream.

I was very curious what made the meat so good so I dared to ask, "Tye, tell me, what meat was that?"

Amelia took the ice-cream spoon out of her mouth and asked me with an uncharacteristic seriousness, "Are you sure you want to know, Darcy?"

Tye looked at me with a look that awaited a hilarious response and sarcastically replied, "This is a secret recipe of the family ..."

"Well, now I'm part of the family, come on; tell me... what could be so terrible that you cannot tell me about?" I asked as curiosity curdled me.

Sabrina answered my question coldly, "It's human flesh."

My eyes widened in terror, my heart actually fell into my socks, I could take in any more breathes as my heartbeat got faster and wilder, "It's a joke, is not it? You're just kidding, are not you?" I asked hesitantly, very, very, very hesitantly.

Jimmy looked at me and said, "No, she is not."

Alex gave another bite of his ice cream and added, "You're sitting on a man"

After hearing Alex's words, I felt the fear turn into horror and the food I had just consumed went up to the main entrance from which it entered my both. I immediately got up from the chair, put my hand on the turn, and was about to run. Jimmy turned me to the bathroom and I ran there, barely holding it in long enough to reach the toilet, and as I bent over the toilet, everything came out. When I vomited, I heard someone moving toward the bathroom and then I heard Alex's voice. He said, "Listen, sorry I did not tell you, but we eat this every month. It's something Jimmy came up with. It was disgusting for us all at first. You get used to it pretty quickly though, so don’t worry. "

I came out of the bathroom and answered him, wiping the tears from my eyes, "What the hell, what kind of person is eating another person?" I thought you were normal people unlike all of the others I had to deal with”

Alex put his hands on my shoulders and said, "I asked you if you're sure you want to come here, you agreed, so get used to the strange things here, we're everything but normal because if it's normal then it's boring!" I took Alex's hands off myself, tried to smile, and he went on talking, "Look at it this way, if there is nothing special or special meaning behind the existence of man than this is just another life, and as we take advantage of the bodies of other animals, we do the same thing with human bodies too, it's okay... As a species we're no more special than the mouse, but as individuals we are, you see, you get it now? "

I nodded and Alex grabbed my hand and said, "Come on, I want to show you something, introduce you to your new home if you will. It’ll make it easier for you to digest everything that goes on here." I followed him with no other choice and I expected the worst, what he showed me was much worse than I expected. We entered a dark room, he turned on the light, and the wall in front of me hung masks, dozens of them apparently, masks made of human skin... Among the masks were several leather suits in quote on quote, just human skin, in one piece. Leather pantyhose, and a few more insane things; a belt and chain made of nipples, a chain of tongues and plates made of rollers... I wanted to throw up, it was the worst thing I had ever seen, I felt like I was being kicked in my stomach and then my face... And Alex caught me, I looked into his eyes, I asked in a joking tone, "I will not end this way, will I?"

Alex smiled and said, "There's no way, one thing you value here is family, you have nothing to fear from us, sister"

In spite of the joking tone, I was not more frightened in my life, really I was not, I never felt so threatened and helpless, I never thought I'd be the same.

"You know, on Monday we’re going out to the desert for a spiritual journey of our own, you can join us if you like, and if you cannot, stay in the ranch or go home"

I grabbed myself by the hand and said to Alex, "I'll come with you, I'm terrified of what's going on here, but you also manage to fascinate me at the same time"

Alex grinned and said, "It's not because we're special or different from you, it's because you understand what you really are"

We went back to the living room, where the rest of the family sat, just sat and lay on the couches and listened to Led Zeppelin. The rest of the week went by amazingly and quietly, I did not have this much fun  for a long time by that point, most of the time we spent time together listening to rock and metal, I did not expect these people to listen to this kind of music anyway.

On Monday morning, we packed equipment into Alex's jeep. Jimmy decided he was driving and we drove down to the desert, not quite a long drive, an hour or so, once we got to a spot far from all the big cities of California we stopped the car and set up a sort of camp - Two big tents and a kind of nice temple where we lit our bonfires.

As soon as we finished our camp, we sat in a circle and Jimmy sat in the middle of the circle holding a book with a leather cover, Amelia looked at the book, looked at me and said, "You really have a fetish for this thing, Jim." Jimmy grinned, opened his book, and began reciting something.

“I watched the virgin’s cunt spawn forth the snake

I witnessed tribes of Judah desolate

I’ve witness apostles, twelve, dissolved by flame

Look down, oh son ov god, snuffed in vain!”

The content of his words, filled with hatred, filled with anger at Christianity, at everything about God, at his own past. James enticed me with his words, with his satanic prayer. He convinced me of the justice in his words. After reading from his book, he took out a small black bag from the pocket in the front door of the car and took out a small piece of it, dividing it further piece by piece. The pieces were divided between us - each swallowed the piece they received and I hesitated at first but after a little encouragement from the others in the circle I also swallowed my piece. The plant was bitter and not very tasty, but after a while I began to feel very calm and happy... I took a deep breath that bordered on a moan of sorts. Closed my eyes and began to see a world more beautiful than ours, full of lights, sounds and smells I had never seen... A place so beautiful, so pure, so good. I opened my eyes and saw myself on sand in different colors, unlike the yellowish sand I sat on, I was dressed in a beautiful white dress, my shadow seemed to have huge wings, I called out, “I’m an angel!”

Everyone turned their looks on me and said in almost perfect harmony, "Yes you are, our angel, Darcy"

I let myself fall on the sand and started to laugh, we all laughed, it was a very nice few hours.

The rest of the day went simply astounding and in the evening before we went to bed, Jimmy picked us up again with his book in his hand. He opened his book on a random page and began to recite.

"The pain, the pain is a blessing in disguise

I feel it coming and its cutting like a knife

The Rain, the rain is a blessing in disguise

I feel it’s coming, and it’s drowning all the lies "

The content of his words made me hate the world I came from, he opened the door to another world... He turned my entire perception on her upside down, and it felt good, I loved that feeling... To know the truth, it's like, it's like To enter into another dimension ... a better dimension than ours. Jimmy gave us this plant again, we swallowed it, and we went to sleep... The dreams were just amazing that night. Getting up in the morning was a pleasure, I was excited about the next day, I expected to wake up into this beautiful world in which I now live.

The process repeated itself on my Tuesday and Wednesday. On Thursday, we went on a spiritual journey only in the morning and in the afternoon; we collected all our things to head back home. Along the way, Jimmy persuaded me to tell everyone what I had told him. The girls suggested I get what I deserved. I loved the idea, but hurting the brothers physically would not be enough, not for the person I had become by this point. Tye suggested that we hurt them where it hurts, in the family, and I loved it, I loved this idea very much.

Jimmy smiled and said, "Well, I brought some more things for this party with me"

I looked at him and asked, "What are you talking about, James?"

Jimmy winked at me and said, "You'll love it... do not worry"

A five-hour drive and we were back in my town, stopping not far from the McCullys' house. We got out of the car and Jimmy took a bag out of the trunk, a bag that was not used during our trip at all. He opened the bag and pulled out my bat. There was a good feeling, a feeling of satisfaction. I took it, and hugged it close to my body, and turned to walk away from Jimmy, but as soon as I took a step forward I felt something made of a fabric hit me. I turned and saw my red leather jacket on the floor, picked up my jacket and ran towards Jimmy, hugged him from behind while he took out two pistols he had given to Amelia. Moreover, when we all got our tools of destruction, Jimmy pulled out leather masks from the bag and gave each a mask, he said it was to simulate the face of those who destroy all the good we deserve.

After we took a mushroom each from Jimmy, we headed for the McCullys' house, a fifteen-minute walk-by the time we got to the fungus, I had a desire to burn this whole fucking family, I wanted to send them to hell, and I did.

Tye broke the door with the hammer in his hands, he came in and announced, "Good evening ladies and gentlemen! Here they come!"

Amelia came in now, with guns drawn, and with the swiftness of Cowboy from the Wild West she shot  bullets into the legs of all the brothers, the children in their family. Sabrina and I ran after them with shouts and screams, Alex came in last, he jumped into the house through the window, roaring and hoisting his ax on the patriarch of this cursed family. The older man fell to the floor, Alex's ax stuck deep in the patriarch's head, and then again and again and again ... Alex did not know just when to stop, he was too deep in his lust for blood.

Sabrina took Alex's aggression as a sign of attack and jumped on the mother, she stabbed the woman in the neck, blood splattered on Amelia and Tye, me. Then, Amelia told me to wait and went to the brothers who cried for mercy, oh how ironic they were, soon they were dragged into another room and found themselves nailed to the wall... The moment Tye called me there; I loved the look of it, three crucified pigs waiting for my punishment, the punishment of an angel with a bat.

I felt close to them, I felt strong, and I landed the first blow on one of them, and he screamed, and it turned  me on, it sounded so good, I hit again, and again, the third time also I sighed like a tennis player hitting a ball. And I went on banging until there was nothing left but a lump of flesh with broken bones nailed to the wall, my dress, my coat, everything... was full of blood, and there were two of them ...

Another blow

And another blow

And another blow

And another, and another, and another ...

One remains

I hit, and hit and hit, and hit, it's a dying body, I pick up my mask ... He starts to stutter, "D ... D ... D ... D ... D .. Run ... Run ... "

"You do not deserve to pronounce that name," I replied coldly, pushing my bat to the front of him, into him, again, and again, and again, and again... until there was nothing left but a skull with pieces of flesh on it, a crushed brain inside it, Totally crushed on the right side.

We went home with the skins of the gentleman and the missus McCully as a souvenirs. We went to bed once we got home, it was already morning and it was such a good sleep that I could say that it was my best since childhood. At midday, on the next day, the radio announced the death of five members of the McCully family when two bodies were found without their hides and another three bodies were found in what was described as victims of some ceremonial murders or something of the sorts, by the police. Finally something interesting in the news.

*The purpose of man's reality is to bring the knowledge of the soul out of force and into action.*

It's been three months since she disappeared ... The police cannot find anything, I knew from the beginning that they were wrong. I knew from the start that my daughter would not stoop down to such low places. I knew that my daughter, my sweet angel, was better than that. They did not find anything, they do not know where she can be... I'm crazy here, everyone around me wants me to give up, say she's dead... That's not true! I know she's stronger than that, I know she's still with us, I'm going to get her back one way or another.

I cannot understand those people who called themselves my friends, who tell me she's dead, that there's no way... It's not true, they have to stop, they have to stop trying to make me give up my on child, because I'll never give up on her. No matter what I'm not willing to give up ... It's my job as a parent not to give up my sweet girl ...

Damn everyone, I already suffer from depression because of it, it's hard for me to eat, it's hard for me to sleep, it's hard for me to communicate with people, they've been annoying me lately. Especially that retarded letter that someone left me in the mailbox, it seemed funny to them, eh? Sounds funny to you too? Tell me!

My Darcy will never join such people, Darcy will never leave me like this, the person who wrote this letter is just a fool without emotion ... What did they look like when they wrote;

"Dear Mr. Castiglione, stop looking for Darcy, she's happy here, and she left you because you, and all the other people in this twisted world, are all too engrossed in self - idolatry; Darcy is really flourishing here and wants nothing to do with you... Just make sure to forget her… See you in Armageddon, serpent serving scum,

The Family "

What exactly did they think, eh? Who the hell do they think they are, eh? Tell me ... who the hell do they think they are... calling themselves "the family. No one but me is Darcy's family, Darcy is my daughter, my flesh, she's not in any way connected to a bunch of crazy religious fucks... who the hell did they think they were when they wrote that fucking letter, eh? I'll find them, I'll bring them back here, and I'll kill them, I'll slaughter those fuckers who tried to fool me!

These are probably the same people who sent to that porn actress who looks like my Darcy, the skull and suit they claim to be made of human skin along with a letter signed by Darcy's sweet name. It was  talked about it on the TV, you see? A bunch of sick, sick people, they deserve to do... To die... No one should pretend to be my amazing little girl, do you understand me?! Why am I bashing you all over again? You did not do anything now... Just like before, I should have told you I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry... Please excuse me, Detective...

Hahaha… hahahah…. Ha ha ha ha ha ha…

Look at yourself, Ben, you're talking to the decapitated head of some fucking cop again.

**Welcome to the diary of a man who lost his mind so long ago!**

**Welcome to the shell of a man with a heart so black and cold!**

**Over and over...**

**In my head...**