Rowley the dinner lady

102.Once upon a time in a small British primary school, nestled between the rolling green fields and stern stone fences, there set an unusual tale. A tale about Rowley, an eccentric 11-year-old boy, who possessed a strange fascination with nappies. Despite the constant cackle of his classmates, Rowley remained unfazed and proud of his peculiar indulgence. Little did they know that this very eccentricity would take Rowley on an unexpected culinary journey that was destined to flip their school lives entirely upside down.

It all began in the ordinary course of the term when the school announced a new initiative – Student Cooking Day. Every student was urged to send in their submission for a chance to plan, prepare, and cook the entire school's dinner. Cooking, something Rowley had never done but had always been intrigued by. Like a dutiful student, he penned his application, blissfully unaware of the chaos he was about to stir.

One dreary Monday morning, the much-anticipated announcement was made. Introducing "Rowley, the Dinner Lady", the Headmaster declared, causing an uneasy rumble to spread across the school ground. Even though the news was initially met with disbelief, everyone soon agreed that it was fitting the never-normal Rowley would get such an unusual role.

Monday came, and with it, the first taste of Rowley’s culinary flair. Offering an eclectic menu of yoghurt and noodles accompanied by a novel mixture of milk and juice. The pièce de résistance, the pudding, was a minimalistic combination of horse poo and whipped cream. The reactions were wildly mixed; certain weak-hearted students scrambled for buckets, while some stalwarts choked on the eccentric offering. Yet, Rowley misread their reactions as enjoyment, and filled with pride, he began to plan the menu for the coming day.

Tuesday arrived, and Rowley had planned a deconstructed dry platter of crackers, toast, croutons, and crisps. However, the absence of water transformed the meal into a culinary desert. Poor Darwin, the perpetually thirsty fish, was dehydrated further. But the pudding was unexpectedly delightful, an austere crumble sans apple.

Wednesday brought with it a seafood surprise- fish eyes paired with a horse Guinness sauce. To refresh themselves after swallowing the sauce, students had nothing but whisky, and those brave souls who dared to take a sip, only received a solitary raisin as pudding. The cleaning staff cursed the day when Rowley was made the 'Dinner Lady'.

Thursday left the school in pandemonium. Uncooked snails topped with dog fur tickled the taste buds, while the daring ones who mistook acid for water quickly understood their grave mistake. Pudding time rolled around, and mirth erupted in the hall. Real mice served as sweet treats sent everyone into fits of laughter, and the echoes of their guffawing could be heard all evening.

Friday drew a dramatic end to the week. Raw chicken and Egg adorned the menu, with water serving as the only solace for the parched students. The pudding was, quite simply, a rock. The rumble of discontent was cut short by a sudden wave of food poisoning. All fell prey to it and died except Darwin, who gulped down his water, relieved to be relatively hydrated. The quarantine was hard, yet through the incident, the school found humour, cohesion, and a unanimous vote against any further Student Cooking Days.

When Rowley returned home and explained his week to his mum, they both had a chuckle over the happenings; deciding to round off the eventful week with a visit to the Big Barn Farm for buying some glue as a treat, because, well, they were cut from the same eccentric cloth. Thus ended the unforgettable culinary escapade of Rowley, the culinary adventurer rather than the Dinner Lady. One for the books it was, but never to be revisited again!