The Maladies

The Maladies were a three-piece punk band formed in 1991 by guitarist Sean Lyle, bassist Craig Beech, and drummer Evan Stirrer. The bands influences included The Melvins, Sex Pistols, Minor Threat, The Clash, and Violent Femmes. Throughout their four year history, the band held a residency at Seattle's Mansion Pub, did one small tour of the PNW, and recorded many demos which were later collected by Stairs fans as *The Complete Maladies*.

**History**

The Maladies started during the final practice of Craig's previous band The Literalists. When no band members showed up, Craig called his long-time friend Sean to jam with him. Realizing they sounded good together, they decided to form a new band that night. According to legend, Craig walked the next day to the middle of the street he lived in and yelled "does anyone know how to play the drums?" The next day, Evan Stirrer walked into Craig's garage, and The Maladies were born.

The band played several gigs at The Mansion Pub and soon acquired a residency there, acquiring a small following at the same time. They self-released a single on December 2nd, 1991 called "Let's Fuck Santa Claus". To promote the single, they did a Christmas Eve set, all three dressed in Santa costumes. They promoted themselves as "The Santa Collective" and called the show "Happy Holidays Fun Time". This led many misguided parents to take their kids to the show, causing shock and anger when they broke into their explicit hardcore punk music. A Seattle Times editorial called the stunt "an amateurish, provocative attempt to lure young children away from the morals of society". The next day, on Christmas morning, "Let's Fuck Santa Claus" was a number 1 single in Seattle.

Another infamous stunt came on Memorial Day weekend in 1993. Anticipating Seattle's famous Folklife Festival, The Maladies organized an Anti-Folklife Festival, to which they invited many local punk bands and other underground artists (including, ironically, Launch Titties). The festival turned into a long night of music, drinking, protesting, and arrests. As they were putting up posters for the festival, they noticed another band, also called The Maladies, promoting another show on the same day. The two bands met, along with a third band that also happened to called The Maladies. After what almost turned into a fistfight, they reached an agreement: they would do a joint headlining show for the festival called "Maladies Vs Maladies Vs Maladies. The three bands would each do a 15-minute set. The audience would then vote on which one was the superior band. First place would get to keep the name, with second place forced to change their name to "The Losers" and third place to "The Big Losers". Craig's band won by a a landslide.

In early 1994, the band attempted to record an album. By February of that year, however, tensions were starting to arise between Sean/ Craig and Evan, who felt like a third wheel and the less important member. Finally, he left the band, leaving Sean and Craig without a drummer. A few days later, Jimmy invited them to join the Nautical Stairs.

**Legacy**

The band was largely forgotten until the rise of the Stairs. In 1999, Stairs fans on the website NS\_Forum started a project to collect all existing Maladies demos and live recordings. Fans in Seattle went to garage sales, dug through the basement of Mansion Pub, and even visited Evan in person. When all the recordings were colelcted, they were released for free online as *The Complete Maladies*, with a limited physical release largely sold by fans through Ebay.

In 1998, The Maladies had a brief reunion during the Stairs' ZYXW Tour, when Evan joined Sean and Craig for a performance of "Let's Fuck Santa Claus" and "I Like Beer". The reunion was repeated two years later for the Utter Profundity Tour.

"Let's Fuck Santa Claus" was used for the credits of the B-list holiday horror comedy film T*he History of the Decline and Fall of Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer*. Evan Stirrer was a huge supporter of the film and even cameoed as Santa's Nephew. The film is now a running joke among Stairs fans and was even included in the comprehensive Nautical Stairs Canon.