Poland

—**Henri Etteddy**, visiting Poland for the first time.

***Poland*** (Polish: *Polska*) is a weird country full of Nazi femboys and not-so-average Communists. The Polish language is also the stupidest keyboard spam you've ever seen, like how do you pronounce "Jesteś brzydki, zabiję cię, zapłać mi dwieście dolarów"? There are a few things can unite all the Nazi femboys and the manly Communists in Poland: it's their hate for the stupid gay West EU and stupid retarded Russia, and their love for pierogi. Pierogi is a dumpling or potsticker thing and it's also a national pride and symbol of Poland, representing hot women and unity and the love of God.

It is by far the most dangerous country in the "modern" European countries, in comparison to France, Germany, and Britain, it ranks number one for violent crimes.

## History

Poland has one of the richest histories ever, but this will skip right over to the Invasion of Poland.

Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union wanted to go hardcore on the Polanders (not Poles, you pervert!). So, they doubly invaded Poland from the left and right and the Polish "Army" was overwhelmed by the Burgewehr and the Hammer Force, flexing their muscles on a weak country like Poland.

Nowadays, the effects of the occupation of Poland still affect Poland to this day: the western parts of Poland are full of submissive femboy Nazis, and the eastern parts are full of big burly Commies. This is also why Poland is trying to make the most powerful military, so something like the Invasion of Poland is met with extreme resistance, and also to defend her Siblings.

This is an average Polish man from the western parts.This is an average Polish woman, for comparison.
## Moar History

So ya want to know more Polish history? Alright, this is a fraction of the story as to why Poland and Hungary are gay for each other.

So, way back in medieval times, Poland and Hungary were being frequently attacked by the Głupbarzyńców (Russians), so they decided to team up in defense against the common enemy. One battle was interesting because the Polanders had to defend the building of a wall that would protect a Hungarian village. The Polanders and Hungarians knew that the Głupbarzyńców were too stupid to know how to destroy walls (they never invented artillery). The Polish Army formed a giant circle of men around the village in preparation for an attack from all angles, but the Głupbarzyńców attacked by putting pressure on one position so the Polanders couldn't use the most of their army. The defenders quickly adapted by compressing their soldiers in that one position. The invaders adapted to this adaptation by attacking from multiple angles, then the Polanders adapted to this adaptation of an adaptation by making highly compressed and mobile groups of soldiers that surrounded the village. This strategy was so good, that the villagers building the wall never got hurt, from there on out.

When the wall was finished, the defenders went inside of the walls since the Głupbarzyńców couldn't do anything about it and then all of the attackers starved to death because they weren't allowed to retreat.

This is but a fraction as to why Poland and Hungary always support each other.

## Even More History

You want even more Polish history? Okay then. This one is about why Poland left the European Union.

So, the EU (mostly Germany) was already mad about the fact that Poland and other eastern European nations created The Siblings, a replacement for NATO, since NATO stopped supporting them in 2050, because they wouldn't change their policies about human rights (what are those?). In 2057, a segment of the EU Conference this year was about Poland, again. This time, about a certain Polish Nationalist group and how the Polish government wasn't doing anything about it. For some context: The EU Conference made a new policy regarding Nationalist groups in their countries: "They're illegal; They're criminals; They're a threat. Do what must be done to dismantle them." The EU Conference warned if Poland doesn't remove its Nationalist groups by the deadline of January 2058, then they were out of the EU, or Poland can't do that? Poland couldn't do that and now they were out of the EU, which means no euro, so they created a new currency called the polbag, Polish money bags.

Polanders didn't like that the Polish government didn't just arrest or pretend to arrest the Nationalist groups, since they couldn't go around Europe freely anymore, but for most of them, living in Poland is a love-hate relationship. On one hand, they live in Poland, but on the other, they live in Poland; they never wanted to leave Poland in the first place.

## Polish "People" and Culture

Polish people, called Polanders, are a proud people of the European continent. Which is why the EU hated them, they were proud for the wrong reasons: number one being they were European and proud of something that related to their Europeanness. It was basically an Ultranationalist culture in their (France and Germany's) eyes, but this is because they (France and Germany) barely have any culture at all and must make every other European Union country have no culture as well.

Polanders love/hate Poland depending on the month of the year: hate January because Polanders don't like to count up, hate February because it doesn't make up its mind, love March because Iosif Stalin died this month, love April because Adolphus Hitler was born and died this month, hate May because the government created sales tax this month, hate June because too hot, love July because Pierogi Month, hate August because National Political Function, hate September because Russia exists, love October because Women Day, love November because turkey, love December because Stalin was born this month.

Polanders also hate Russians and have wanted to go to war with them just to teach them a lesson. Polanders also, also hate the European Union because it's not a Confederation, it's annoying, everyone is poor because Socialism, no freedom because Socialism, it's stupid because it is, and a whole bunch of other reasons.

Polanders like pierogi, women, and God a lot. Pierogi because it tastes better than anything a Polish tongue can taste and women because Polish women are the hottest in the world. Poland men do their best to get a wife but there's too many men, so they get messed up in the head and can't get women so man must become ladyboy or femboy to satisfy woman desire, or something. Polish women also have the highest rate of being lesbian because obvious. And obviously everyone is okay with gay women but not gay men because men and some women are normal and love lesbian pornography a lot. And they love God because they are Christians.

## Nami's Opinion

Nami has an opinion of this Poland:

*It breaks my heart to know that Poland has descended like this. I still love the place and the people (most times), but I hope that they can change their government for the better of peoples' sake.*

This remark made Polanders sad, that a notorious Polish person, Nami, thinks that Poland has descended and broken her heart. She also made this remark in space, so she couldn't change the government herself.

Nami later retracted that statement and said a demon possessed her to say that, since it is not her place to judge people. And Polanders went back to not being sad.

## Notable Polanders

Nami - Discovered in Poland.

Henri Etteddy - Moved to Poland to expand Fazbear Entertainment.

Funtime Foxy - A femboy robot made in Poland.