What Mormon Want/Transcript

## Transcript

[This episode begins on a warm wintery evening in Downtown Winston. Couples are walking down the street together, including Mike and Missy, who are sitting on a bench.]

**MIKE: You know, Missy, there’s nothing better than spending time with the prettiest girl I know.**

**MISSY: And who’s that?**

**MIKE: You.**

**MISSY: (blushes) Oh-ho. You.**

[They kiss.]

**MISSY: And you wanna know something else, Mike?**

**MIKE: Yeah.**

**MISSY: Tomorrow’s a very special day.**

**MIKE: Oh, cool. What is it?**

**MISSY: Take a wild guess.**

**MIKE: (thinks) Is it Sunday?**

**MISSY: (facepalm) It’s not just Sunday. It’s a holiday.**

**MIKE: Hmmmm...**

**MISSY: I’ll give you a hint. February 14th.**

**MIKE: February 14th, eh? Wait a minute. That’s Valentine’s Day!**

**MISSY: What? You haven’t checked the damn calendar recently?**

**MIKE: Well, not recently. Sorry, Missy.**

**MISSY: Mike, this is gonna be our first Valentine’s Day together.**

**MIKE: Would the short we did a year ago count as our first?**

**MISSY: Well, deh--Still, I want you to give me the best Valentine’s Day ever, okay?**

**MIKE: Best Valentine’s Day ever, huh? But what do you want?**

**MISSY: I don’t know. Surprise me!**

[Missy walks off.]

**MIKE: Oh my god. (stands up) I completely forgot Valentine’s Day is tomorrow! What am I gonna do?**

[He walks toward the road and looks at a store with a heart-shaped box of chocolates and a vase of roses standing in the window.]

**MIKE: Nah, everyone does that. I want something that hasn’t been done before.**

[He notices a police officer strumming his guitar and presumably singing a song to his girlfriend.]

**COP: (singing) You are my sunshine! My only sunshine!**

**MIKE: That’s also been done as well. I’m not getting any ideas.**

[As soon as he stops talking, he gets hit by a truck. He wakes up later in the hospital in a bed. He sees the female doctor talking to Missy, Ashley, and Mark.]

**MIKE: Uhhh, what happened?**

**MARK: (hugs him) Oh, Mike, I’m so glad you’re alive!**

**MISSY: You had us worried sick!**

**DOCTOR: Oh, thank god. You see, Mike, you got hit by a truck which knocked you unconscious for a few hours. Why must this happen on the night before Valentine’s Day?**

**MIKE: Doctor, why did you buy the nurse you have a crush on a copy of “Titanic”?**

**DOCTOR: What the? How the hell did you know that?**

**MIKE: I don’t know. It just came to my head for some reason. Ashley, you’re thinking about your breakup with that boy in geometry class.**

**ASHLEY: Oh my god! He knows what I’m thinking about too. And to be honest, it’s putting me in a really bad place.**

**DOCTOR: Just as I thought. Michael, you seem to have a gift. A gift that is somehow impossible for people under the age of 18.**

**MIKE: I have telepathy.**

**DOCTOR: Well, yes, exactly. You read your own diagnosis! Damn, you’re good!**

**MARK: Hey, son, can you tell what I’m thinking about?**

**MIKE: You left Mom home alone to check up on me at the hospital.**

**MARK: What?! Oh yeah. I did that. (Mike stares at him, annoyed) I was in a hurry, okay?**

**MIKE: Well, are there any symptoms?**

**DOCTOR: We haven’t gone this far yet since literally no one in this hospital has telepathy.**

**MIKE: That’s exactly what I was thinking.**

**DOCTOR: Once again, you have read my mind.**

**MIKE: I certainly did. (thinking) Wait a minute. Since I have telepathy now and I can read everyone else’s thoughts, this gives me a chance to figure out what Missy wants from me for Valentine’s Day. Yeah.**

[Time card: Later that morning...]

[With a ladder leaning on his house, Mike stands on the roof, using binoculars to spy on Missy’s house.]

**MIKE: Hm, she’s not in her room. What the hell? All I want is to know what my girlfriend wants...**

**MISSY: (offscreen) Hey, Mike.**

[Mike climbs down the ladder to find Missy standing outside in front of his house.]

**MIKE: (walks to her) Oh, hey, Missy. Happy Valentine’s Day!**

**MISSY: Why’re you spying on my house?**

**MIKE: (nervous) Oh, you know, I was just...**

**MISSY: Mike, stop doing that. It’s just plain creepy.**

**MIKE: Yeah, I guess it is. I’m sorry about that.**

**MISSY: That’s okay.**

**MIKE: So, where are you going all dressed so beautifully in your neat winter gear?**

**MISSY: I’m going to the mall.**

**MIKE: Oh, cool. Can I come?**

**MISSY: Well, uh, sure.**

**MIKE: Great! Here, I’ll drive ya!**

[They drive to the mall. There, Mike and Missy are inside, walking around.]

**MISSY: I’m glad you want to come to the mall with me, Mike.**

**MIKE: And I’m glad I drove you there. Heh heh.**

**MISSY: Hey, listen, I’m gonna go to the Paper Store real quick.**

**MIKE: Okay, then. Just meet me in the Food Court afterward. I might buy us some brunch.**

**MISSY: Okay, see you there.**

[Missy goes into the store, while Mike stares at her and frowns.]

**MIKE: I don’t get it. (walks away) Why isn’t there a thought of what she wanted from me in her head? (goes down an escalator) Maybe she does want to be surprised. I don’t know what to give her now. (sigh)**

[At the food court, Mike sits at one of the tables. Connor comes by with a bag of food from McDonald’s and a cup of soda.]

**CONNOR: Hey, Mike. Happy Valentine’s Day!**

**MIKE: (bummed) Hey, thanks, Connor. Happy Valentine’s Day to you too.**

**CONNOR: You don’t look too happy. Why the long face?**

**MIKE: Oh, it’s a long story. You see, I got a hit by a truck last night, and ended up in the hospital.**

**CONNOR: Oh my God. Sorry that happened to ya, buddy.**

**MIKE: Thanks again, Connor. And the thing is, I have telepathy.**

**CONNOR: Telepathy. (takes a bite out of burger; mouth full) What’s that?**

**MIKE: Oh, it’s when you... (sigh) You paid $13.54 for that Big Mac, fries, and a large Coke.**

**CONNOR: (swallows) Wait a minute. I did? (looks at receipt with the exact total on it) Holy smokes! You’re right, Mike! Are you sure you didn’t take a peek at the receipt?**

**MIKE: No, I didn’t, Connor. I just knew you were thinking about the total cost of your McDonald’s meal.**

**CONNOR: Oh, yeah! I was thinking about that!**

**MIKE: (slams fist on table) Bam! That’s telepathy!**

**CONNOR: (eats french fry; mouth full) So what does that have to do with your problem?**

**MIKE: Today’s Valentine’s Day, and I forgot to give Missy her gift.**

**CONNOR: Wait a minute. That only happens on Christmas.**

**MIKE: Not just on Christmas, you idiot. The point is that I need to give Missy a Valentine’s Day gift, and I don’t know what the hell to give her.**

**CONNOR: Can’t you use that whatchamacallit to figure out what she thought about wanting?**

**MIKE: Well, I would, only if she didn’t tell me to surprise her with a random gift.**

**CONNOR: (takes a drink of Coke; sigh of tasty relief) Well, you know, I did see this pretty piece of jewelry that looked like a necklace and it’s made of gold.**

**MIKE: 24 karat gold?! Hopping clams! Show me!**

[Connor and Mike arrive at Kray Jewelers in the mall, where Connor shows Mike the necklace he was talking about. The golden necklace has a heart on it.]

**CONNOR: See, Mike, there’s the necklace I was talking about. Pretty, ain’t it?**

**MIKE: Yeah, I’ll say. Albeit, it looks really pricey. How much is it?**

[Mike looks down to look at the price: $1,000.99.]

**MIKE: 1,000 dollars?! That’s expensive. If I didn’t know better, I would spend my entire college fund on this.**

**CONNOR: What about the sack of money you earned after foiling that bank robbery?**

**MIKE: We spent it all, remember?**

**CONNOR: Oh, yeah!**

**MIKE: But still, I can’t afford to buy this!**

**CONNOR: Awwwww. It looked pretty though.**

**MIKE: Come on, Connor. Let’s go back to the food court.**

**CONNOR: (follows him) I didn’t even get to finish my McDonald’s meal. (sigh)**

[Mike is about to head back to the food court, but he looks at the stand in the center. It appears to be a Valentine’s Day gift stand. There, heart-shaped boxes of chocolates and roses stand, waiting to be sold. And they’re having a clearance sale on it. Mike looks at it, and looks back at the necklace in the jewelry store, and looks back.]

**MIKE: You know, maybe the old-fashioned way ain’t so bad after all.**

**CONNOR: What are you talking about, Mike?**

[Later, Mike stands in the food court, with his hands behind his back. Missy walks over to him, with her hands behind her back as well.]

**MIKE: Hello, Missy.**

**MISSY: Hey, Mike. Uh, listen, I... have a...**

**MIKE: I already know what it is.**

**MISSY: Don’t say it. It’ll ruin the surprise.**

[Missy reveals her gift, a photo frame.]

**MISSY: Happy Valentine’s Day, Mike!**

**MIKE: (Missy gives him the photo frame) A picture frame? What for?**

**MISSY: I dunno. Just a little last minute idea.**

**MIKE: I thought so. I also have a gift for you too.**

[Mike reveals his gift, a heart-shaped box of chocolates and a rose.]

**MIKE: Happy Valentine’s Day, Missy!**

**MISSY: (Mike gives him the box and rose) Oh, thanks, Mike. I love it! Although, it’s been done to death before.**

**MIKE: I know. It’s a last minute gift idea I had. So, wait! This entire time, you didn’t know what to give me?**

**MISSY: I should ask you the same question.**

**MIKE: You’re right. I’m sorry, Missy. I completely forgot that today is Valentine’s Day. The reason why I drove us to the mall is because I wanted to look for a gift for you.**

**MISSY: Me too.**

**MIKE: And with my gift of telepathy, I wanted to look into your mind and figure out what you wanted.**

**MISSY: What? Isn’t that the reason why you were spying on my house earlier this morning?**

**MIKE: Yes. You know, after all this, I feel like the worst boyfriend you ever had.**

**MISSY: (puts her hand on Mike’s shoulder) No, you’re not, Mike. That honor would go to my ex-boyfriend. So what if you didn’t know what to give me, and the other way around? What I expect from a boyfriend is to try his best, and that’s what you did... sorta. No matter what, I will always love you.**

**MIKE: Thanks, Missy. I love you too.**

[They kiss. The screen zooms to show that Connor is behind them, crying with tears of joy.]

**CONNOR: (sobbing) Oh, you guys make the perfect couple! Better than Starco in my opinion! (more sobbing)**

[Later, in Mike’s bedroom, Mike walks inside, holding the photo frame Missy gave him. He hangs his coat on the coat hanger, and sits on his bed. He looks at the photo frame. He also looks at the photo of Mike, Connor, and Missy from “You Can’t Handle the Booth!”, laying on his nightstand. Mike takes the photo and inserts it into the frame, fitting perfectly. He puts it down, and smiles at it, ending the episode.]