Stone 6a

**Chapter 6, part 1**

Richard, Kahlan and Siddin are flying around on Red the dragon's back, and Kahlan is airsick. They get to the Wet Dirt People's village. Kahlan hopes the Damp Ground People don't start shooting poison arrows at the dragon, noting that red dragons are *“the most fearsome of the dragons”* (and the only ones mentioned in this entire series). Also, *“no one would imagine doing anything with a red dragon except trying to kill it or running for his life.”* This despite the fact that red dragons are intelligent and capable of speech, and (we've been told) are powerful magic-users. One would think people would want to ally with such allegedly-powerful creatures, but no. Kill or flee. Those are the only options.

Anyway, everyone is happy because Richard has brought Siddin back. There's the slap-of-greeting ritual, and we learn that Richard has a headache and has been suffering from nightmares. Richard proclaims that Red helped him kill Darken Rahl, and she is a friend to the Generic Savage People, and then we get this bizarre exchange:

*“[Red]'s head swung down, her ears twitching [wait, dragons have ears?]. One yellow eye frowned at Richard. 'Friend! Red dragons are friends to no people! We are feared by all!'*

*“ 'You're my friend.' Richard smiled. 'I'm a person.' “*

I call this bizarre because Red clearly implies that she is not a person. She doesn't use the term “humans,” but “people.” She doesn't consider herself a person. Only humans are people; dragons are...animals? It makes no sense; if anything, Red should feel arrogant towards humans and consider them less than people (that is, dragons). \~/

Anyway, Richard makes nice between the dragon and the people, and Red wimps out and acts like a snarky out-of-town cousin instead of a terrifying and arrogant beast of legend. This makes the Wet Soil People happy. *“For a people to have a dragon as a friend was taken as an honor to their strength.”* Wait; I thought the only possible reaction to a dragon was to kill it or run away? Fight or flight? Does this mean that some people *do* befriend, or at least ally with, dragons?

Of course it doesn't. \~/

Richard offers the Bird Man of Alcatraz a chance to ride on Red's back, which she agrees to because she's a doormat shaped like a winged lizard. Meanwhile, Kahlan notices that, gasp and horror, someone isn't cheering! The Bird Man of Alcatraz explains that Gloomy's name is Chandalen, and his uncle was Toffee, the elder Kahlan murdered for the horrible crime of trying to defend his people. Chandelier blames Richard for Darken Rahl killing all the Squishy Dirt People in the previous book, which is a completely logical and understandable reaction. Naturally, he's treated as an idiot for behaving in this way.

Kahlan decides to deal with Chandelier, while musing that *“It was hardly possible to believe that she, a Confessor could ever experience love.”* Again the sex = love bit. I guess this means that celibate people, or people who are physically incapable of sex, can't experience love. Too bad for them. \~/

Kahlan walks up to Chandelier and slaps him in greeting. He does not slap her back, which is an insult by Moist Earth People customs. Kahlan demands to know why Chandelier hates Richard, since Richard *“has sacrificed more than you could ever know to save our people.”* Actually, I'm not sure what Richard sacrificed, aside from being tortured and raped for a few weeks, which wasn't really his choice. He had his brother murdered – I mean, executed – but that had nothing to do with either Darken Rahl or the Ethnic Stereotype People. Maybe he gave up his lucrative woods guide career. It sounds impressive, though.

Chandelier replies that *“The two of you have brought trouble to my people. You will bring it again.”* Note that this is absolutely, 100% correct, and in all likelihood, he is right – Richard and Kahlan *will* bring trouble to the Squishy Soil People again. In response, Kahlan shows him the scar on her arm where Toffee cut her and says, *“Toffalar cut me. This is the scar he left as he tried to kill me. **That was before I killed him. Not after.** He killed himself by attacking me. I did not go after him.”* (bolding mine)

Before she killed him? I would certainly hope so; the other alternative means that Toffee was a zombie. It's a peculiar turn of phrase, although I think what Mr Goodkind meant was that Toffee *attacked* Kahlan first. It's clumsy wording, and makes me stop and stare at it for longer that I should.

And, yes, as we remember Toffee *did* attack Kahlan first. He thought Kahlan and Richard were destroying the Mud Peoples' ancestral spirits, which was a completely sane and logical belief given the context. He heroically gave his life attempting to defend his village from the two White Devils.

That bastard.

Chandelier looks at the scar and says, *“Uncle never was very good with a knife. Pity.”* And I immediately like him about a thousand times more than anyone else in this wretched series. Yes, I know he's doomed to either die or join the Cult of Richard, but for now he's a defiant rebel. Let me pretend he'll stay cool.

Kahlan kisses her fingers and touches Chandelier's cheek, which is the worst insult one can give a Mud People hunter (yes, I've gotten tired of mocking their stupid name). Chandelier starts to punch her, but realizes that would be acknowledging her strength according to Jungle Law. For no apparent reason, about fifty Mud People draw their bows and level them at Chandelier. Chandelier calls her on this, saying that she's not strong if she needs others to back her up. Kahlan orders the hunters to lower their bows, so Chandelier says she will hide behind Richard'd sword. She puts her hand on Chandelier's arm. He recognizes this as a threat by a Mind Vampire, since she needs skin contact to mindrape someone, and Kahlan threatens him:

*“In the last year, I have killed more men than you have falsely boasted of killing in the whole of your life. If you ever try to harm Richard, I will kill you...If you even dare to express that thought out loud, and it reaches my ears, I will kill you.”*

Okay, let's examine that first sentence. We know that Kahlan has killed three people (Denim Nascar and his two Nameless Grunts) while in the Blood Rage. She also mindraped a quad member who killed his quadmates before Book 1 started; I'm counting that as one kill. She repeated the process when she met Richard, so that's another kill. She killed Toffee. So that's a total of six people killed. That's an impressive total for a random person, but it seems a little low for a fantasy hero or villain. I guess it's possible though, so I'll let it go.

Then she threatens to murder Chandelier for speaking his opinion. The heroine, mind you. Threatens to murder a man because he dislikes her beloved. He hasn't offered violence. He hasn't colluded with their enemies. He disrespected her, yes, and with ample reason, and this after *she* confronted *him*. Chandelier was simply minding his own business and chose not to join in the cheering. Kahlan promises – and I have no trouble believing her – to murder him if he speaks his mind.

\~/\~/

And note how Chandelier accuses her of hiding behind Richard? She instead forces Richard to hide behind her, by preventing Chandelier from speaking and therefore preventing Richard from having the chance to deal with the situation himself. A situation that involves him. Kahlan, by just about any system of honor I've ever heard of, has just dishonored Richard by denying him a man's right to fight his own battles. This makes her a hypocrite as well as a cold-blooded potential murderess. \~/

Kahlan speechifies \~/ to the effect that she is ready to be friends with everyone, but if anyone messes with her she'll cut them dead. She baby-slaps Chandelier, which gives him *“a small amount of respect in the eyes of his men,”* and therefore seizes the apparent moral high ground. This is to show that she acted honorably. *“Bullying a woman brought no honor.”*

Interesting. I guess this means Chandelier is caught in a catch-22 situation. He can't oppose Kahlan because it's dishonorable, but if he knuckles under he loses face.

Anyway, Richard, Red and the Bird Man of Alcatraz return. The Bird Man of Alcatraz wants to thank Red and asks Kahlan to translate for him. This makes me realize something odd: the Westlanders and the D'Harans all speak the same language, despite being separated by what looks like hundreds, if not thousands, of miles (there's no scale on the map, but we're told it's several weeks hard ride from D'Hara to Mud People Village). The Mud People, who are located about halfway between and a little closer to the Westlands, speak a totally different language.

And dragons, if Red is any indication, speak Westlander/D'haran/English. There's no indication that Red speaks any other languages, such as, oh say, Draconic. Nope, dragons speak English and only English. Of course.

\~/

So Red gives Richard a tooth and tells him he can use it to call her, once. She also mentions that Richard has *“the gift,”* which he denies without bothering to clarify what “gift” she means. Perfect pitch? 20/20 vision? Naturally curly hair?

Fast forward to evening, when the Mud People are preparing a feast. Funny how these small, subsistence-level villages always have plenty of extra food lying around when it's time to hold a Big Ol' Feast for the hero. Anyway, Richard says the cheese tastes rotten. Kahlan disagrees. Yes, this is a plot point.

Two of Chandelier's men show up and want to make nice with Richard and Kahlan. Their names are Prindin and Tossidin, but I shall call them Prim and Tossy. Richard compliments their bows and arrows, and Savidlin, the newest elder, appears to say that he made Richard a bow. Richard comments that *“The Mud People make some of the finest bows I have ever seen.”* because, as we all know, the best bows are made by people who live in treeless grasslands. \~/

Arrgh...

[deep breath]

Okay...moving on...

There's a long-winded bit where Richard deduces that the arrows of Chandelier's henchmen are intended to kill humans, not animals, which means they protect the Mud People from outsiders. Savidlin says that Chandelier's men are the best shots in the village, but they believe they have a responsibility to teach their lessers to be better.

Great Tolkien's ghost. This chapter is like a six-foot submarine sandwich of stupid. I'm going to have to cut it in half for my own sanity.

Drinks: 9

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