Clinginess is Next to Ed-ness

**Clinginess is Next to Ed-ness** is the thirty-third Edward and Eric short. It premiered on Kids' WB on July 19, 1997, although it was technically first shown to the public on June 20, 1997, since during the theatrical run for the heavily panned *Batman & Robin*, this short would play before the movie started.

## Synopsis

Eric comes out of the school's pool room with a fly attached to the side of his head. The thing is, it's not a fly - it's a mosquito slowly sucking away Eric's blood!

## Cast (WIP)

* Andrew Rannells as Edward
* Josh Peck as Eric
* Gary Sauls as Constantinos
* Wayne Grayson as Joey
* Tress MacNeille as Nurse Fracture

## Trivia

* Due to initially being made as a theatrical short, this short is not like any other in two different ways: the length, and the animation. For the latter, it is a lot more detailed than the average episode (but obviously nowhere even close to the extent of The Edward and Eric Movie). As a result, it is also the only short produced in the 1080p widescreen format, which the show eventually used for every episode.
* Since this short was produced once the show was picked up, this is notably the only one where Constantinos appears, and the only short where the school isn't a public one.
* The title is based on the saying, "cleanliness is next to godliness".

## Transcript

(The short opens with Eric swimming in the Gym's pool, paddling and backstroking. He swims across like a fish and dives underwater before surfacing. He walks out of the pool and leaves the gym)

(At the flower field, something buzzes and gets close to Eric. He walks past a waving Frankfurt, who instantly becomes shocked upon seeing Eric)

**Eric:** Morning, Frankfurt! (whistles and walks past Terry and Barry; they gasp. Aaron throws up in a trash bin)

**Joey:** What the heck is going- (looks at Eric and holds in his vomit)

**Eric:** (to Jason, Grayson, Mason and Hasten) Hey, guys!

(The twins yelp and smack into each other like dominoes. Eric enters the boys' dorm and goes into the downstairs bathroom, where Edward is brushing his teeth and Constantinos is washing his hands)

**Eric:** Morning, Edward and Constantinos! Happy Unusual Greeting Day!

**Edward:** (with the toothbrush in his mouth) Happy what?

**Eric:** (he is seen putting on his school uniform) Unusual Greeting Day! Aaron did a great job. Guy sure did outperform everybody. He had to throw up!

**Edward:** Eric, Unusual Greeting Day isn't until May 2nd.

**Constantinos:** Yeah, why would Aaron throw up?

(Eric finally faces the camera to his front, revealing a massive mosquito with red eyes that's attached to his skin)

**Eric:** That's a good question, Constantinos. I don't know if it's because I woke up with bed hair or what.

(Edward drops a glass in shock. Constantinos faints. Eric blinks twice before becoming worried)

**Eric:** You guys alright?

**Constantinos:** W-w-w-w-w-w-w-wh-wha-what *is* that thing?!

**Eric:** (runs up towards them) What's what, Constantinos?

**Constantinos:** That-th-th-th-that thing!

**Eric:** (looks around back and forth, causing Edward and Constantinos to take cover in a stall) What? What thing?

**Constantinos:** Look in the mirror!

**Eric:** Hey! I may not be the most handsome, but there's no need to call me a hideous thi- (he ends up looking into the mirror, and he grows highlights in his eyes) Woooooooooow! What's *that*? You guys see this?

**Edward:** (cowering in fear with Constantinos) Yes, Eric, we clearly saw it.

**Eric:** What do you think it is? It looks like a huge fly, but I've never seen one this big before.

**Edward:** Eric, it's a mosquito. They carry diseases that afflict humans, such as the Zika virus and yellow fever. And at the very least, it'll suck your *all* of your blood away!

**Eric:** Say, what's blood?

**Edward:** Never mind, I forgot we run on a Y7 rating. (turns to Constantinos) Ok, who wants to tell him?

(They whisper)

**Eric:** (the mosquito buzzes and wiggles) It's making a funny noise. You think that's natural?

**Edward:** One, two, three...

**Constantinos:** Paper cuts rock. I win.

(Edward grunts, and then they look back at Eric, who's confused)

**Edward:** Um, Constantinos and I have agreed I should walk you over to Nurse Fracture's office.

(They sheepishly grin as the camera transitions to the exterior of Nurse Fracture's office)

**Edward:** (inside) Ok, Eric, just sit still and wait for Nurse Fracture.

(Edward instantly runs through the wall, screaming bloody murder)

(As Eric waits, he reads a magazine titled "The Guide to Long Waiting Periods at Hospitals". Nurse Fracture approaches her desk and grabs a clipboard)

**Nurse Fracture:** Eric Pearson?

**Eric:** Oh! (sets the magazine down and raises his hand) Right here!

**Nurse Fracture:** The nurse will be right with you.

(She goes to fill a mug with coffee. After doing so, she grows impatient)

**Nurse Fracture:** Eric.

**Eric:** Right here. (gets off of his chair and plops down on the examination table) My brother, Edward, wants to have this thing on my head looked at. You know, to make sure I'm ok.

**Nurse Fracture:** (takes out an x-ray camera) Uh-huh. Could you, uh...

(Eric holds the mosquito, and his x-ray is taken)

**Eric:** (as Nurse Fracture looks at two photos) So, uh, am I ok?

(She holds up one photo, which shows the mosquito sucking up Eric's blood from his heart)

**Nurse Fracture:** (raises an eyebrow) I'unno. You seem fine to me. (gives him a piece of peppermint) Have this. Should cure whatever it is you're having.

(The camera cuts to Nurse Fracture typing up an excuse note for Eric)

**Eric:** Thank you so much, Nurse Fracture.

**Nurse Fracture:** You're not getting another peppermint.

**Eric:** Edward will be so relieved.

**Nurse Fracture:** Is he the primary member?

**Eric:** Hmmm...ok.

**Nurse Fracture:** And what's your friend's name?

**Eric:** Edward.

**Nurse Fracture:** No, I mean your friend (points at the mosquito) there.

**Eric:** Oh, him? Well, gee, I don't know. I never thought about giving him a name. I'll call him...uhh...no, wait, don't tell me...

(Nurse Fracture looks uninterested)

**Eric:** Uhh...I swear I had one...oh! How about...a-ha! Darnell! You like that name, little buddy?

(Darnell wiggles)