It's Not You, It's Rolphus

## Summary

The crew ventures on a rescue mission of sorts, in a real dumpy place. Dar has their own mission. Nermut prepares for a visit. Pleck learns about relationships.

## Plot

Pleck asks Bargie about her guns, they're vanity guns given to her for her movies being top of the box office. Dar enters furiously scratching themself on the floor. Dar is covered in pustuls, Beano starts licking up pus. Dar has an STI from hooking up at Totopo Casino. Pleck is worried about Dar's pattern of behaviour. They call Nermut to get approval to go to a clinic. Nermut is re-arranging his office in anticipation of his parents visiting. Nermut's parents are loyalists to the Federated Alliance. Dar is impatient to get treated and tells Nermut details about their hook up. Their transmission gets interrupted by Seesu Gundu, she needs them to find Rolphus Tiddle who has gone missing. They are seperated but not divorced, he hasn't liked any of her posts on holo-media They need to find him quickly as Centurion Tiddle has a recital soon. Bargie knows where he is, The Dumps. The Dumps is where you are sent when someone breaks up with you. The people there are going through a tough time and its really sad. Pleck suggests that he and C-53 go on the mission and Dar and Bargie sort out Dar's STI. The crew find that problematic. They reason that there should be excellent STI care at The Dumps.

Councillor Gunther Ballwheat steps out of a meeting to read sponsor copy for Nutrafol. He heads back into the meeting to show the The Council of Seven his vacation photos.

Pleck is nervous about going to The Dumps, C-53 tells him to not to do what he normally does and poke at people's vulnerabilities. There is melancholy music playing in the streets. Dar asks a crying person where the STI clinic is, they run away from Dar. They are welcomed by the Governor of The Dumps, Joy. She gives the crew a tour. Joy insists that she doesn't belong at The Dumps, you leave by going before a panel and having them say that you are ok to leave. She has been before the panel 432 times. Her relationship ended but she isn't willing to accept it. Dar can't find anywhere to go to the bathroom, anytime they try somewhere they find someone crying there already. There's no mental health services at The Dumps, they don't believe in that kind of thing. The STI clinic is on the other side of the asteroid, a three to four day walk. A bell tolls signalling that its time to go before the panel. They asks to accompany Joy and vouch for her.

The panel asks the three mandatory questions. 'How are you feeling today?', 'How are you actually feeling today?', and 'For real, seriously, how are you feeling?'. Joy fails on the third question. They give her a second chance and she fails again. Joy is still in denial that she is going through something. After meeting a drunk they decide to go to the bar for happy hour. Pleck asks about the hookup situation at The Dumps, about 80% of the people there hook up. Pleck asks Dar if their heat would solve their STI issue, their heat is late this month. Pleck fears the worst but it just means that they will burn hotter when it does arrive. At the bar they discuss the depressing music everywhere on the planet. They meet The Bartender, Pleck assumes that they are the same Bartender the crew met on Milsch. The bartender angrily tells him that they are different people then apologises, they've just been through a breakup. C-53 orders low power; Pleck orders an orange beer; Joy gets a shot of anything; Dar gets rubbing alcohol. Rolphus Tiddle arrives and drinks Pleck's beer then eats the glass. It was the last orange beer. The crew have an aside to confirm that its Rolphus. Dar and Rolphus go and get a drink. Pleck questions Joy about her and Rolphus hooking up. C-53 asks Joy about their previous partner Greg. Joy tells them that its a long distance relationship. The last time they talked he said 'I no longer have feelings for you, I never felt about you the way you did about me. I don't think we should see each other anymore. I actually am married, I have two kids and this has been a huge mistake'. He never said they were breaking up so Joy assumes they are still in a relationship. Rolphus returns much drunker than he left, he's been drinking orange beer and Dar's rubbing alcohol. Rolphus tells Joy that they need to take a break and repeats everything that Greg said. He tells her that she's not in a relationship with Greg, she's was dumped. The Bartender does last call for happy hour and tells them to stick around for poetry hour. She is upset to realise that she was dumped by Greg. Rolphus asks if she wants to hook up, the crew make him leave and wait by the door. Joy gets up to deliver a poem. The Panel are at the bar and appreciated the emotional honesty in Joy's poem. They brought their paperwork to happy hour and stamp her as having gone through the first step of four. The steps are: Denial, Umbridge, Medication, and Peace. The members of the Panel are dating each other. Dar carries Rolphus as they leave the bar.

Sammo and Wink, dusted up, read sponsor copy for SquareSpace and TheRebellion.space.

They call Nermut to tell him they have Rolphus. They think he's going to be fine. Nermut's parents got their dates mixed up and are not coming. They call Seesu interrupting her spin class. She is pleased to hear that Rolphus is not doing well. She finishes her spin class and immediately goes for a run, she tells the crew about how toned her body is. The crew tell her that they will call her when Rolphus wakes up and then she can try and make him jealous. She and Nermut hang up. Dar's heat arrives, Pleck is ignorant of that fact and almost gets burned.

## Quotes

"Beano think Pleck's problematic." - Beano

"Two garfons with one 'stroid" - Nermut

"Shut your wet mouth" - Dar, to Pleck.

"Get down on the ground!" - Rolphus

## Trivia

* Dar hooked up with Roran named Chad.
* Nermut's species is Lird.

## Credits

### **Voice actors**

C-53 - Jeremy Bent

Pleck Decksetter - Alden Ford

Dar - Allie Kokesh

Nermut Bundaloy and Tezz Rynn - Seth Lind

Bargarean Jade and Seesu Gundu - Moujan Zolfaghari

Beano and Rolphus Tiddle - Winston Noel

Joy - Alex Song

### **Production**

Edited - Seth Lind

Recorded - Shane O'Connell

Sound Design and Mix - Shane O'Connell

Additional Recording - Forever Dog by Brett Boham

Music - Brendan Ryan

Additional Music - Shane O'Connell, Winston Noel, Moujan Zolfaghari and Jeremy Bent

Opening Crawl Narration - Jeremy Crutchley

Ship Design - Eric Geusz