"Don't Choose the Goat"

### Narrator(s)

Mike DelGaudio, Elie Hirschman, Addison Peacock, Erika Sanderson, Kyle Akers, Matthew Bradford, Jessica McEvoy, and Nichole Goodnight

### Season Pass Only

No (unavailable to free listeners during original airing, later included as part of Holiday Hiatus #1)

### Next

"Sunflower's Weep"

**"Don't Choose the Goat"** is the fourth tale in the twenty-third episode of the thirteenth season of the Nolseep Podcast. In it, a strange ritual involving a carousel is presented. Written by Ali Habashi, it has a runtime of 23:40 and was performed by Mike DelGaudio, Elie Hirschman, Kyle Akers, Addison Peacock, Erika Sanderson, Matthew Bradford, Jessica McEvoy, and Nichole Goodnight. It is the 1684th tale overall on the podcast.

## Summary

A world is presented where when children graduate from the third grade, they must take part in a ritual that will decide their future. At every school is an enclosed carousel with numerous fake animal mounts inside it. When graduation time comes, the students enter the carousel and choose an animal to ride. Whichever animal they choose will set them on a path of careers, lifestyle options, exclusive clubs/organizations, and general personality.

David attends his son Jack's graduation. Provided to parents is a hundred-page book detailing all the different kinds of animals and what paths the student will take should they choose whichever one. Known universally is the unspoken rule that a child should never choose the Goat, as nearly every person that does turns out bad.

The time to get on the carousel arrives and a chaperone herds the children outside. Jack and his friends Tasha, Stefan, and Mila excitedly discuss which animal they're going to pick. Arriving at the carousel, David sternly tells Jack to not choose the Goat, which he agrees to. After flipping through the book one more time, the carousel starts up and the children enter, the door shutting behind them.

David thinks back to his time on the carousel. He entered and was instantly attracted to the Wolf. He almost managed to get on and felt a howling in his ears before he was knocked off by a bullying classmate, Peter. David begrudgingly chose the Dog and often wonders what his life would have been like had he gotten what he wanted. He also recalls the kid that picked the Goat in his class, Miguel. Miguel was a quiet and disturbed child. One day, after Peter kept repeating an old nursery rhyme about how bad Goat people are, Miguel stabbed his eye out with a pencil and was taken away.

The carousel stops and the children exit, all running towards their parents. Jack excitedly tells his father he chose the Boar. Tasha chose the Alligator, and Stefan chose the Goose. Mila's mother begins calling for her to leave the carousel, but receives no response. Looking at his son and his friends, David notices flecks of blood all over their clothes. Mila's mother becomes hysterical as David asks Jack where Mila is. Jack says she was bad and chose the Goat. Tasha and Stefan respond by repeating the nursery rhyme, the final line of which claims the only way to deal with a Goat is to cut its throat.

## Cast

Mike DelGaudio as David

Elie Hirschman as Jack

Addison Peacock as Tasha

Erika Sanderson as Stefan

Kyle Akers as Peter

Matthew Bradford as the chaperone

Jessica McEvoy as Mila's mother

Nichole Goodnight as Mila