2013 Rev N Go 350

The **2013 Rev N Go 350** at Phoenix is won by Lightning McQueen with Cal Weathers 2nd, Brick Yardley 3rd, Speedy Comet 4th, Apple Racer 5th, Bobby Swift 6th and of course Jimmy Cables 7th. John Blamer died a day later and Johnny cried so hard that he hugged Shannon Spokes, who visited him alongside Mater, McQueen, The King and his nephew Cal. Sky Lewis Was Very Annoyed Cause He Was In The Middle Of Doing Art.

## Transcript

### Johnny Blamer Cries

Johnny: Playing Minecraft PE, not bad, not bad.

(His iPad gets a notification)

Johnny: Oh boy, an E-Mail! "Dear Johnny Blamer. I hate to say your dad has died at the age of 74. Some words from your uncle Henry." Oh no- this can't be. This can't be! THIS CAN'T BE! IT'S REAL! IT'S 100% REAL 0% FAKE! (cries hardest in his life and bawls hardest as he can) WHY!?!?!?!?!?

Abby: I am there Johnny.

Johnny (cries harder): WHY HIM! IT should have been me! He was the best dad ever! He helped me RACE! He was way better than Kraig Shiftright and this stupid FREAKING ALBERT PILLARBOX SR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, ALBERT SR IS THE WORST DAD EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND EVEN THAT SKY LEWCRAP!!!!!!!!!, I know he was 74 born in 1939 and old BUT I WISH HE NEVER DIED! WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY! I DON'T WANT TO LOSE ANYONE ELSE!

Sky Lewis (at his house) : I HEARD THAT CRYBABY BLAMER

Rick: It's ok Johnny.

(FUN FACT: Rick uses The King's famous phrase when someone is sad.)

Sam: Yeah Johnny. I lost my dad 7 years ago.

Johnny (crying): But he had cancer and never died suddenly (cries more, his house floor carpet is totally wet now)

(Doorbell rings)

Johnny (cries): I hear the doorbell! IT MUST BE THE KING, HIS NEPHEW THE PRINCE, MCQUEEN AND KORI!

(Mater opens and he, McQueen, King, Prince (Cal) and Kori are seen)

Johnny (crying): Go away. You will never understand what happened to me.

The King: I do. My dad died as well back in 1998. I shed few tears in private.

Johnny (crying): WAIT YOU CRIED?

The King: Yes. Only a little. I stayed strong because I know he wants me to.

Johnny (crying): This is the worst day since I was born. Not even my baddest of crashes can compare. ABBY I'M SO SORRY I'M CRYING A LOT!

Abby: It's ok to cry you just lost your dad.

Johnny: I'M CRYING SO MUCH THE ENTIRE CARPET IS WET! A GIANT (Yee) DISASTER OF THE NATION OF GUAM! HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW DARE YOU DIE DAD! THIS IS THE WORST DAY **SINCE THE DAY KEVIN SHIFTRIGHT THOUGHT HE WAS IN GUAM, ACTUALLY THE WORST DAY EVER! I AM IN ARGENTINA NOW! YEAH! OR AM I IN GUAM?! NO NO NO WAIT TEXAS! MAYBE EVEN (You Kid) MERCURY! (earrape 1 billion times louder than Bob Cutlass 2002 N20 Cola 400) NOOOOOO! (Cries harder, screams of tears and bawls WAY harder going in earrape mode) DADDY IS THE ONLY REASON I HAVE MY CAREER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

(FUN FACT: Censor sounds are used on private talks.)

Sky Lewis (at his house) : SHHHHHHUUUUUUTTTTT UUUUUUUPPPPPP

Lightning : NO YOU SHUT UP WHITTY

The King: Man. I've never see Johnny cry so much. And he is more mature than in 1990.

Lightning: Same here.

Shannon: Yeah.

Katie: I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU JOHNNY EVEN THOUGH YOU AND I ARE BOTH MARRIED (hugs Johnny)

(Abby, Shannon, Michelle and even MATER hug him)

Johnny (crying): Thanks girls and Mater the tow truck!

Mater: Yeah! I be so happy you mention me! Lucky car getting all the ladies!

Johnny (stops crying): I guess I am!

Katie: Abby is really lucky to have you as a husband.

Michelle: Yeah!

Rick: She is very lucky!

Mark: I know she is!

Cal: Hey! I get it. I am very lucky to have my wife Morgan here!

Johnny: But. I MISS MY DAD HE ATTENDED ALMOST ALL OF MY RACES (cries hard again) AND HE WAS THERE WHEN I WON MY ONLY RACE SINCE I JOINED THE ANTI BEN'S HOT SAUCE NATION! THE BEN'S HOT SAUCE CAUSED MY MOUTH! I SWEAR DRAGONS CREATED THIS HOT SAUCE! Also those chilli peppers I had back in 2004 CAUSED ME TO DIE ALMOST JUST LIKE HAUL INNGAS IN 2002 N20 COLA 400 AND CRUSTY ROTOR IN 1999 VIRGINIA 500 BUT 999 SEPTILLION TIMES WORSE! AND HOTTER THAN 1999 BOSTON 350!!!

Rick: Yes.

Lightning: It's okay, Johnny.

Mater: BRING ALL THE LADIES! (Blows horn) WEE HEE!

Lightning: Mater, what are you doing?

Mater: LADIES!

Lightning: Okay, Mater. Bring the women.

Abby, Katie, Michelle and Shannon: We are here Johnny.

Johnny (crying): I just want this (Popeye toot) Day to end. OH! and I think my tear ducts just broke. Just so much crap.......(faints)

Popeye: MY SAILOR PIPE!

Cal: You "my sailor pipe"! This is just a censor sound. At least there's no more flooding.

Abby: JOHNNY!

The King: I think he fainted. The grief was too much for him.

Abby: You're right Mr The King. I guess he will sleep. Thanks for coming Lightning, The King, Cal, and Mr tow truck.

Mater: Name's Mater!

Abby: Ok Mater, Kori and Johnny's friends. Thank you all for coming but now Johnny finally stopped crying due to his broken tear ducts. Can't blame the guy.

Lightning: Goodbye then.

The King: I will be at the funeral. I knew John and he was a good guy.

Rick: BYE, KING!

### Funeral Day

Johnny: Abby today will be an even sadder day of my life.

Abby: Oh. It's your dad's funeral day.

Johnny (crying): YES! IT IS! THIS IS SO SO SO MY WORST DAY OF MY LIFE! WHYYYYYYY! I WISH HE COULD LIVE TO BE A 101 LIKE THE OLDEST LIVING RACER JOHN FREAKING BAIN!

Abby: Looks like your tear ducts are working again.

Johnny (crying): The King would be there at his funeral. Yeah. That makes things a bit better but (cries harder)

(at the funeral)

Johnny (crying): I know I should not be crying like this BUT I CAN'T HELP IT I'M TOO MUCH OVERCOME WITH GRIEF!

The King: That's ok Johnny. It's your dad's funeral after all.

Cal: More like IT'S okay Johnny.

The King: I also that's okay to a racer. Like for example, "That's okay Johnny."

Cal: Oh I get it now. Thanks uncle.

Lightning: I feel sad.

Mater: Mater feels like I'm going to CRY even for onions!

Katie: I feel so bad! I want to hug you and never let go Johnny!

Johnny Clutchen: Um. King. Looks like my wife is in "that state" again. You know the state where she will make sure nothing ever happens to Johnny.

Abby: I will also not leave you Johnny

Johnny (crying): I HAVE NEVER CRIED SO MUCH EVER! EVEN IF I'M STUCK IN GUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMM! OR WHEN TEXAS HOT SAUCE I MEAN BEN'S HOT SAUCE I HAD BY ACCIDENT! OT WHEN I ALMOST DIED FROM EATING THREE CHILLI PEPPERS WHICH MADE ME HOTTER THAN THE PLANET MERCURY! YEAH! SO SO TERRIBLE TRAGEDY!

Cal: My uncle is right. It's your dad's funeral.

Lightning: It's okay, Johnny.

Mater: BRING THE LADIES!

Johnny: (screams) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sky : KELLY SOMEONE END ME IM GETTIGN FED UP

Kelly : SKY IM GETTING PRETTY ANNOYED WITH HIM

Lightning : For God Sakes Do You 2 Ever Shut Up

Sky : I Mean Look There Are Some Other Cars Here Getting Annoyed Of Blamer

Lightning : Sooooooooooooooooooo

(2 hours later, after the funeral ended, Johnny still cries)

Johnny: NOOOOOOOOO!!! DADDY!!!!!!!

Abby: You need a kiss.

(Abby kisses Johnny)

Johnny (stops crying for real): Thanks, Abby.