Hannah's Healing

***Hannah's Healing*** is the third book in the Free Spirits series. The story focuses on a young woman recovering from childhood sexual abuse which happened during her Amish upbringing, with help from the Free Spirit community.

## Plot Synopsis

Two college students, Amy Anderson and Corey Carlisle, are having sex in the bedroom of her apartment, when she discovers that her roommate Hannah Stutzman has been spying on them and masturbating. The disturbance brings the police, who contact Lateshia Williams, a clinical psychologist and Celebrant for the downtown Local Gathering of the Free Spirit Connection. Lateshia interviews Hannah, then agrees to let her stay at her home for a few days. She consults with Bridget Torjesen, an escort who has done therapeutic sex surrogate work, on how to help Hannah deal with issues stemming from the sexual abuse she endured in her youth, specifically her aversion to touch. Raised in an Amish community, Hannah left when the Bishop and other leaders of her church failed to address the abuse she was enduring.

Lateshia arranges for Hannah to stay in the house shared by Peri Winger, Andrew Hamady and Lila Jaworski; the three live in a polyamorous arrangement, and while Peri is away visiting family, she agrees with her two partners to let Hannah stay and even watch their lovemaking consensually. In their home, Andrew and Lila set some ground rules with Hannah, then make love in the living room while Hannah watches and masturbates. Later, she talks with them about the Free Spirits, contrasting them with the Amish, and is intrigued by the idea of this community.

Later on, Hannah has an appointment with Bridget and some others, who will use gradual sensate touch therapy to help her address her anxieties around physical contact. Hannah finds the "foursquare breathing" exercise very helpful in dealing with anxiety, and is encouraged by the group.

When Peri returns from helping her mother, she greets Hannah and shares her own background with her. When Andrew and Lila arrive, Lila helps Peri unpack while Hannah helps Andrew with preparing dinner; Andrew also shares with Hannah that he had been molested by a babysitter, and learned to deal with it through counseling and the support of his family. After dinner, Peri invites Hannah to watch them have a threesome; she is not only aroused sexually watching them, but she notices the emotional and spiritual closeness of the triad.

Hannah later goes with Peri to the Regional Conference meeting at the downtown Gathering, assisting with setup and cleanup. They are met by a woman who is posting flyers about her missing daughter, Abena Gardner, and Peri offers to share the information to other leaders at the Conference. Hannah learns more about the Free Spirits from Peri and others at the Conference, and even participates in an informal discussion with a small group. She finds welcome and support, especially from a genderqueer abuse survivor named Shelby.

The next week, the triad hosts a cookout for Free Spirits around the city. Hannah has also decided to have her hair cut, and Lila suggests that she ask Shelby, who will be coming to the event. There is a conversation about the importance of choices, while Shelby cuts off Hannah's long ponytail and shapes her hair into a pageboy style. Later on, Lila leads a number of guests into some impromptu dancing, while Hannah and others enjoy watching them.

Eventually, Hannah decides to attend a Sunday Celebration service at the south suburban Gathering where the triad are members. There she meets Melinda, an old friend of Lila, and there is a mutual attraction. With Lila's encouragement, Hannah shares her past with Melinda, as well as her conflicting desire to be intimate with her yet avoid being touched. Melinda suggests that she could have her hands bound so as to avoid touching Hannah, while Hannah enjoys making love to her. Hannah nervously agrees, and it is an ecstatic experience for her.

A week after the encounter, Hannah shares with Bridget and Gabe that she is feeling some ambivalence. They do a visualization exercise with her, discerning that she feels a positive connection with Melinda, and encourage her to reach out to her. She sends an email to Melinda, then later in the night receives a reply from her that she would also like to explore the possibility of a relationship.

At a counseling session with Lateshia, Hannah talks about her difficulty trusting and getting close to men. Lateshia explains how much of this is rooted in cultural assumptions around gender and family, and the need to lift up positive models of behavior rather than generalize based on those assumptions or "myths". Hannah also talks about how Lateshia's reasoned calm and Peri's assertiveness are models for how she wants to be. As she leaves from the session, she is met by a man doing evangelism for a conservative church, and his behavior triggers a panicked reaction out of her. Another member of the church later approaches her, trying to comfort her as he apologizes for the unintended harm.

On a chilly morning, Hannah goes with Lila and some other Free Spirits to set up an outreach booth in the center of their suburban town. The Free Spirits distinguish this from "evangelism" in that they don't try to convert people, but merely share information about the Connection and their Local Gathering with interested passersby. Hannah goes to shop for some items, then returns to observe the friendly yet low-pressure way that the group interacts with people.

After another touch therapy session, Hannah accepts a ride home from Bridget, who has some papers to bring to Peri. During the ride, Bridget discloses that she is an independent escort, and works to promote sex worker rights and decriminalization; listening to her, Hannah comes to understand and agree with her position. At the house, Andrew asks to speak with Bridget privately, and Peri tells Hannah that he is investigating a complaint of misconduct at another Local Gathering. They talk about the means by which Free Spirits handle such complaints, and how that approach is rooted in their core values. Hannah comments that, the more she learns about the Free Spirits, the more it has helped her grow.

Melinda returns to the city, and Hannah spends time getting closer to her, both physically and emotionally. Hannah's pleasure is mixed with apprehension, but remembering that she experienced similar feelings on leaving the Amish to live on her own helps her to cope. They go to the triad's house where Hannah is staying; Lila greets them, and as they have lunch, Hannah begins to feel more relaxed.

Melinda later invites Hannah to visit her in Indianapolis, but the thought of that makes her extremely anxious. Lateshia counsels her to go at her own pace, but Hannah leaves the session feeling frustrated that things were left unresolved. She returns to a porn shop in the city, falling back on old habits, but realizes this is not providing her what she needs, and leaves. Andrew picks her up in his car on the way to the house, and he gives a summary of how the complaint he was looking into was resolved. Back at the house, Hannah talks more about the Free Spirits with the triad, until a police officer shows up, telling her that a friend from Amish country has arrived in the city and asked for her.

Lateshia accompanies Hannah to the police station, where she is reunited with Sarah Yoder, a childhood friend who is also married to Hannah's brother Samuel. Sarah tells her that, seven months ago, Hannah and Samuel's older brother Joosef arrived late in the night asking Samuel to help him. Joosef had what looked like a sleeping bag containing a body, along with some other items including a pair of brightly colored sneakers. The two brothers appeared to argue before Samuel took the items and a shovel in his buggy, and each rode off. Sarah tried to find out what has happened, but was discouraged by her husband and church leaders from talking about it further - until Joosef's wife Ruth was found dead, and Sarah found a leaflet about the missing woman Abena Gardner.

Lateshia and Hannah agree to accompany Sarah and Detective Liam Shaughnessy back to Amish country, along with Lateshia's husband Fred. Hannah tells Melinda about this over the phone, and this leads to an intense argument between them. Back in the valley where Hannah and Sarah grew up, Shaughnessy meets with the local Sheriff and a state trooper who have been keeping track of the case of Abena Gardner's disappearance. As they begin asking people in the Amish community, they find the spot where Gardner and her possessions were buried, and bring Samuel in for questioning. Samuel's lawyer has him plead the Fifth Amendment, and Lateshia then proposes that she be allowed to talk to him, based on insights from Hannah and Sarah. Lateshia tells Samuel about Abena Gardner, humanizing her to him, then shocks him with a photo of her decomposing body. Samuel then discloses that Joosef accidentally killed her in a struggle, then had Samuel dispose of the body and belongings to protect himself. Joosef is arrested, and the Amish community comes together to support Sarah and express their remorse for Abena Gardner's death. Hannah parts company with her friend before returning to the city.

Hannah decides to get on with her life, and to move into her own place; the triad is encouraged by this, but also assure her that she can take her time. When a major storm leads to the Free Spirits helping to provide emergency shelter and relief, Hannah is reunited with Melinda. They reconcile, and talk about resuming their relationship. Over time, Hannah decides to move to Indianapolis to live with Melinda, and the triad throw her a *bon voyage* party. Hannah surprises her friends by giving each of them a hug, and Melinda arrives the morning after the party to take Hannah with her.