Uma Thurman

*Todd... just sits there. Then the "One Hit Wonderland Spooktacular Edition" logo appears.*

**Todd**: No. No we're not... doing that this year. I, I really wanted to, I, I like doing Halloween episodes. I even made the dog dress up. *[pic of Kali in a monster costume]* Aw, who's a monster? Who's a little monster? No no, I just, I just... couldn't find anything that fit. I looked, I looked, nothing felt right.

*Clips of Soft Cell - "Tainted Love"...*
**Marc Almond**: Ohhh, tainted love
**Todd (VO)**: No. I mean, Marilyn Manson covered this, that's kinda spooky, right?

*...and Toni Basil - "Mickey"*
**Toni**: Oh, Mickey, you're so fine...
**Todd (VO)**: Uh... well she makes an easy Halloween costume, at least. No, I give up.

**Todd**: Although... maybe it doesn't have to be a One Hit Wonderland. I don't know, is there, like, some kinda spooky-sounding pop song on the radio right now?

*Clip of The Weeknd - "The Hills"*
**The Weeknd**: I only call you when it's half past...
**Todd (VO)**: Goddamn it, I already did that one! Ughh!

**Todd**: Okay, screw it. We're not doing a Halloween episode this year. Unless... *[suddenly it hits him]* Wait, wait, I've got it! Wasn't there that, that song that, uh, it sampled *The Munsters*?

*Clip of opening theme from* The Munsters
**Todd (VO)**: Yeah, you know, everyone's favorite wacky, lovable family of ghouls and monsters from the '60s? *[brief clip of* The Addams Family*]* Well, you know, second favorite?

**Todd**: Yeah, yeah, that show was...

**Todd (VO)**: ...like if they stretched the "Monster Mash" to a half hour, that'd be perfect for a Halloween episode!

**Todd**: Okay, well not quite perfect.

*Video for... wait for it...*
**Todd (VO)**: I think that song came out like eight months ago. Don't think it's even on the charts anymore. Well you know what, fine. Late episode. I totally planned it this way for Halloween. Perfect.

**Todd**: I'm gonna dress up in a Frankenstein costume, and... okay, no, I don't have time. Alright, well, let's just do this. Uh, hooray, *The Munsters*.

*And with that, Todd begins playing the theme from* The Munsters*, which is sampled in "Uma Thurman", on his piano...*

***FALL OUT BOY - UMA THURMAN***

*...and he stops, when he realizes something.*

**Todd**: Oh no... **Oh no!** *[Clips of* The Walking Dead*]* Oh my God! They're everywhere! They're coming for me!! They're gonna tear me to shreds!!! It's the FALL OUT BOY FANS!!!!!

*Clip of "My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light 'Em Up)"*
**Patrick Stump**: So light 'em up, up, up
Light 'em...
**Todd (VO)**: In my *six years* of doing this show, I have never, *ever* gotten as much backlash as I did that...

**Todd**: ...*one time* that I said I didn't like *one* Fall Out Boy song! With a disclaimer beforehand that I actually *like* Fall Out Boy!

*Clip of "The Phoenix"*
**Todd (VO)**: I still like Fall Out Boy, even after they broke up and then reunited! They're still a pretty good band! And they occupy a pretty interesting place in the pop world because they're basically...

**Todd**: ...the last rock band that are *actual* pop stars. Yeah, yeah, yeah, what about *[promo pics for...]* Imagine Dragons? What about Maroon 5? No, I mean like a *real* rock band, like that would perform at the Warped Tour. *[Promo pics of...]* It's them, Paramore, I guess we'll see what happens with Walk the Moon. That's about it. And believe me, I have plenty of thoughts about them because I've always been a fan.

*Clip of "Dance, Dance"*
**Patrick Stump**: Dance, dance
**Todd (VO)**: It'll actually be pretty nice to talk about a band with some actual history, not... *[brief clip of Silento - "Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)"]* not some stupid little flash in the pan who was born, like, three months ago.

**Todd**: Yeah, this'll be nice 'cause as far as I'm concerned, music stopped in 2008, and the entire run of this show has been me trying to catch up to a world that passed me by. *[Thumbs up]* So let me take you back about a decade or so.

*Clip of Hawthorne Heights - "Ohio Is for Lovers"*
**Hawthorne Heights**: So cut my wrists and black my eyes
**Todd (VO)**: Back in the early 2000s, I thought that just the worst thing in the world you could possibly be...

**Todd**: ...was emo.

**Todd (VO)**: I used that word with so much disgust and hatred, you'd think it was a racial slur. To be fair, I think that was because I mostly *[clip of "Untitled" by...]* associated it with Simple Plan, so you can understand why I didn't think well of it.

**Todd**: That all changed for me around 2005, when...

*Clips of My Chemical Romance - "Helena"...*
**Todd (VO)**: ...we got an influx of some successful new emo bands that were no less whiny or angsty as their predecessors, but a lot more theatrical about it. Instead of whining about their moms, suddenly, we were awash in dancing corpses, *[...and Panic! At The Disco - "I Write Sins, Not Tragedies"]* circus weddings, vampire hunters.

*Video for "A Little Less* Sixteen Candles*, A Little More 'Touch Me'"*
**Pete Wentz**: You call yourself hunters?
*Pete leaps off the cliff*
**Todd (VO)**: And obviously, Fall Out Boy were one of the biggest names in that scene...or that "arms race," in their words. But I always thought they were also kind of outside that scene. There was definitely always something different about them. I had difficulty putting my finger on it at first, but eventually, I was able to pinpoint exactly what it was.

**Todd**: They seem like complete dicks!

*Clips of "This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race" and "Thnks fr th Mmrs"*
**Todd (VO)**: No, that's not fair, they didn't seem like complete dicks.Their lead songwriter Pete Wentz seemed like a dick—a preening douchebag who demanded the spotlight, which is why he somehow came across like the band's frontman, even though he wasn't the lead singer. And it just came across in their songs, which were always very catty and petty at ex-girlfriends, at fellow musicians. And for that reason, I always thought they had more in common with the preening ego-trips of *[clip of "Makes Me Wonder" by...]* Maroon 5, and I don't mean...

**Todd**: ...any of that as an insult, for the record.

**Todd (VO)**: Maroon 5 used to *not* be the worst thing in the universe. And Fall Out Boy were always mean in a clever kind of way, that was always, you know, tons of guilty fun.

**Todd**: Maroon 5 and Fall Out Boy have more in common as well.

*Clips of "Misery"; "I Don't Care"; "Moves Like Jagger"; and "Centuries"*
**Todd (VO)**: After two big smash albums in the mid-2000s, they struggled with their third. Maroon 5 dealt with it by selling out, *[MTV News article: "Pete Wentz 'Can't Imagine Playing With Fall Out Boy Again'"]* Fall Out Boy just broke up. But after several failed solo projects, the band members decided to just come crawling back to each other, and they've actually done pretty well for themselves since. Although...is it just me, or do they sound even *more* like Maroon 5 lately?

*Clips of "Animals"...*
**Adam**: Baby, I'm preying on you tonight
*...and back to "Centuries"*
**Patrick**: Remember me for centuries
**Todd (VO)**: Superficial similarities aside, Fall Out Boy went pop to *expand* their sound, Maroon 5 went pop to water theirs down.

**Todd**: I'll tell you one thing Maroon 5 would never do,...

*Video for "Uma Thurman"*
**Todd (VO)**: ...and that's sample the *Munsters* theme. I mean, yeah, you got some fun, spooky mashup here, you know? Fall Out Boy seem to like their horror movies. That's why they named their song *[suddenly unsure]* "Uma Thurman."

**Patrick**: She wants to dance like Uma Thurman
And I can't get you outta my head
**Todd (VO)**: Uh...

**Todd**: ...does Uma Thurman have some connection to *The Munsters* that I'm not getting here. *[Clip of* The Munsters *opening]* Are they remaking *The Munsters*, and she's playing Lily? Wouldn't be terrible casting, I guess, but I don't ...I don't think that's where they're going with this. I don't even think Uma Thurman's ever *been* in a monster movie, unless you count *[brief clip of trailer for...] My Super Ex-Girlfriend*.

**Todd (VO)**: To be clear, the monsters are the people who made that movie.

**Patrick**: I can work a miracle
Work a miracle
**Todd (VO)**: Okay, judging by the font, I assume they mean *[appropriate clips from...]* "dance like Uma Thurman in *Pulp Fiction*," and not Uma Thurman in *The Producers*. I mean, I like *Pulp Fiction* as much as anyone, but...

**Todd**: ...but why *The Munsters*? Hold on, what have they said about it?

*Clip of interview on Fuse*
**Pete Wentz**: I can't remember who came up with the sample from *Munsters*, but we had the track for a while, you know, without any topline on it. And we were playing it for people, and they were like, "oh my God, Quentin Tarantino, like *Pulp Fiction*." So we were like...and Uma Thurman's badass, you know what I'm saying? And the character she plays, how she appears...you know, off-film or whatever. But the character she plays, especially in *Kill Bill*, I think is just this empowered but awesome woman, and writing about that seemed kinda epic. It felt like...
**Todd (VO)**: Okay.

**Todd**: *[pause]* But why *The Munsters*?

**Patrick**: She wants to dance like Uma Thurman
**Todd (VO)**: Is...is that really the only connection? Some passing comments from people who didn't know the difference between the *Munsters* theme and the *Pulp Fiction* theme? They're nothing alike. *[Clip of opening credits for* Pulp Fiction*, backed by Dick Dale - "Misirlou"]* Well, I mean, okay, yeah, '60s surf guitar, but that's not really that much. *[Brief clip of...]* I don't listen to Tenacious D and think, "wow, they use acoustic guitars, they're just like John Mayer!"

Okay, so apparently, the new Fall Out Boy are taking to just jamming in random samples, judging by their previous single.

*Clip of "Centuries"*
**Fall Out Boy**: Du du du-du, du du du-du
Du du du-du, du du du-du
**Todd (VO)**: I still have no idea why the chorus to "Tom's Diner" is in there, but...okay, fine. Whatever. I don't have any strong associations with "du du du-du, du du du-du."

**Todd**: But *The Munsters* theme?

**Todd (VO)**: There's no reason to sample it unless you expect people to recognize it, and if you do recognize it, you can't possibly think of anything but *The Munsters*. *[Clip of same]* I've literally never seen an episode of the show in my life. I don't know a thing about *The Munsters*. Do they...I don't know, solve mysteries? And even I knew what it was. Why don't you just...

**Todd**: ...change the sample?

*Continued credits of* Pulp Fiction
**Todd (VO)**: Change it from the *Munsters* theme to the *Pulp Fiction* theme. Why couldn't you do that? I mean, it would sound like...

*Clip of Black Eyed Peas - "Pump It"*
**will.i.am**: B-E-P, we reppin' it, so
Baby, just...
**Peas**: Pump it (louder)
**Todd (VO)**: Oh, right, someone beat you to it. Yeah, that sample's pretty ruined.

**Todd**: Or couldn't you just, like, change the lyrics?

*Clip of* The Munsters *plays with "Uma Thurman" dubbed in*
**Todd (VO)**: *She wants to dance like Herman Munster*
*I saw it once on Nick at Nite*
**Todd**: Okay, the sample's weird and out of place. But, you know, what else?

**Todd (VO)**: What is the song about? Why does she wanna dance like Uma Thurman?

**Patrick**: She wants to dance like Uma Thurman
Bury me 'til I confess
**Todd**: Is...that the *Kill Bill* thing you were talking about? Have you guys *seen Kill Bill*?

*Clip from* Kill Bill Vol. 2 *showing...*
**Todd (VO)**: She doesn't bury anyone, she *gets* buried; and not 'til she confesses, it's just so that she'll die.

**Patrick**: Divide me down to the smallest I can be
Put your, put your v-v-venom in me
**Todd (VO)**: So I guess this song is just supposed to be about some awesome, ass-kicking woman who is like Uma Thurman in Tarantino movies. *[Clip of dance scene from...]* Though I'm not sure where *Pulp Fiction* enters into it. All she did in that was dance and snort random white powder without asking what it was like an idiot.

**Patrick**: The stench, the stench of summer sex
**Todd (VO)**: Doesn't really have a lot of sex in either of those movies.

**Todd**: Yeah, this doesn't really resemble them. Maybe it's more of a *Bonnie and Clyde* thing or...

**Patrick**: The blood, the blood, the blood of the lamb
Is worth two lions, but here I am
And I slept in last night’s clothes and tomorrow’s dreams
But they’re not quite what they seem
**Todd**: I don't get any of this. *[Screen shots of lyrics]* "Blood of the lamb"? "Gem City"? "Keep you like an oath"? What in the living Christ *is* this?

**Todd (VO)**: Look, I do get that that's part of Fall Out Boy's charm, that they're willing to throw phrases together that sound awesome, even though you don't *actually* know what they literally mean. Like, their first hit song was *famous* for being incomprehensible.

*Cartoon version of "Sugar, We're Goin' Down (with misheard lyrics)*
**Patrick**: Lie in the grass (lying the brass)
Next to the mausoleum (missing the ball RRNNEEAAHH)
We're going down, down in an earlier round (we're goin down tuuu in a luleelurah)
**Todd**: So this isn't that different for them.

*Clips of actual video and "Thnks fr the Mmrs*
**Todd (VO)**: Like, I've spent years trying to figure out what a "loaded God complex" was, or why they "only think in the form of crunching numbers."

**Todd**: But even though their lyrics were always weird,...

**Todd (VO)**: ...I at least used to be able to get the gist of what they were saying, you know? Like, here. *[Brief clips starting with "Thnks fr th Mmrs"...]* Breakup song, *[..."Dance, Dance"...]* breakup song, *[..."Sugar, We're Goin' Down"...]* breakup song, *[..."This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race"...]* being bitchy about other bands, *[...and "A Little Less* Sixteen Candles*, a Little More "Touch Me"]* breakup song.

**Todd**: Or something like that.

**Todd (VO)**: But this is even more abstract than they usually go. I'm getting very little from this, and what I am getting, I'm not sure I like. See, I've noticed that, as far as their singles go, at least, for the past three albums, they've only had one mode.

**Todd**: *[with the horns] I'm a motherfuckin' rock star!*

*Clip of "I Don't Care"*
**Patrick**: I don't care what you think
As long as it's about me
**Todd (VO)**: I mean, this has been happening more and more, even going back to before the breakup. It's my least favorite pose of Pete Wentz's; not the least because the guy who has to sing his lyrics is *[picture of Patrick] this* guy. Like, Patrick Stump is just not the person I'd go to for "I'm the god of rock 'n roll!" attitude. I mean, he's a lead singer who got overshadowed by the bass player, for God's sakes.

But more importantly, I feel like they did use to have an emotional core that's increasingly absent, even if it was just being bitchy at other people. Even with all the band drama and personal drama that's happened in Wentz's life in the past five years, you'd think he could find something more substantial to write about. I mean, *[TMZ article about...]* the dude divorced Ashlee Simpson.

**Todd**: If you can't get a decent angry breakup song out of that, what are you doing?

**Patrick**: I can move mountains
I can work a miracle
**Todd (VO)**: Yeah, it's just nothing but macho strutting lately. Like, most nerd rock bands are trying for adorkable, and they seem to be going for eg-dork-tistical, even in "Uma Thurman," which is supposed to be about a dangerous, amazing hot chick. It's mostly about himself.

**Patrick**: I can work a miracle
**Todd (VO)**: "I can work miracles." Like, you compare this to other dork rock bands. *[Clip of Weezer - "Buddy Holly"...]* Other bands are like, "oh, I look like Buddy Holly, and you look like Mary Tyler Moore." But you get to Fall Out Boy, it's *[pictures of...]* "you're the unstoppable sword chick from *Kill Bill*, and I'm Jesus."

**Patrick**: I can move mountains
I can work a miracle
**Todd (VO)**: Look, I don't hate this or anything. I mean, it doesn't *sound* bad. It sounds great as just music. I like the *Munsters* theme. It's better than most anything else on the radio, it's just... Maybe I'm supposed to listen to it as just...I don't know, like '90s Beck—just unrestrained weirdness that isn't supposed to make any sense. But that's just not what I want from my Fall Out Boy. I don't know, it's a little bit of a disappointment, and it certainly didn't work as a Halloween episode like I wanted.

**Todd**: Oh, probably best I didn't get a costume. Oh well.

*Clips from* The Walking Dead *and* Shaun of the Dead
**Todd (VO)**: *[zombified] We love Fall Out Boy
Kill Todd, kill Todd
We love Fall Out Boy
Kill Todd*

**Todd**: Oh, right. I guess I will be dressing up...as a corpse mutilated by Fall Out Boy fans. Well, Happy Halloween, everyone!

*Gets up and leaves*

*Video ends*
*Closing tag song: Tomoyasu Hotei - "Battle Without Honor or Humanity"*

***THE END
"Uma Thurman" is owned by DCD2/Island Records
This video is owned by me***