The Road Game

"**The Road Game**" is the ninth episode of *Hoops*.

## Plot

The team scores an invite to a prestigious tournament in Cincinnati. When Coach misses the bus, he's forced to beg a ride from Shannon.

## Summary

Hopkins tells the team that it finally happened, that they've been invited to the Cincinnati Invitational Tournament. He says there's no way they'll win, but it's the promo for coaches. Ron tells Hopkins that he won't be able to do a lot of mingling, that he's going to be busy creating a perfect date for Shannon's birthday at the hotel. Hopkins calls it boring, saying he told him no romantic stuff his wife during team activities. He tells the team that the bus leaves at 9 A.M., and nobody is above the rules, shouting at a kid who keeps trying to bring him to Jesus.

The team arrives at the Cincinnati Arena, Hopkins all dressed up. He tells them that nothing is different, that the rims are still 10 feet high, the basketballs are still 22 ounces, and DJ is still 84 pounds overweight. He gushes over a reporter, Phil Storm, and is surprised when Storm goes live with him. Their conversation is interrupted by a loud buzzer, which turns out to be Hopkins's alarm. It's 9:48 A.M. and he's late. He declares that RadioShack screwed him again and calls Ron to rage that they left him behind. Ron tells him that it was his rules and he should have seen it coming. Hopkins asks how he's supposed to get to Cincinnati now and Ron tells him he could catch a ride with Shannon if he hurries. Hopkins is surprised she's really coming. He facepalms at a story Ron starts to tell and hangs up. Opal gripes to Ron that Hopkins ruined her whole weekend by making her be there chaperoning. Matty declares that he loves an overnighter. DJ tells them that they're missing the point, that there's going to be cheerleaders there who don't know they're losers.

Shannon chats on the phone with her mother, telling her that Ron means well. She is shocked to find Hopkins outside her car. He tells her he needs a ride, but she says she just wants a peaceful ride. She asks him why he's dressed like Colonel Sanders. He pleads with her and she lets him in. He interrupts her recorded murder mystery with the ending. The team arrives in Cincinnati and starts trying to come up with the "perfect plan" to get with the cheerleaders. Scott goes straight up and talks to them, while Ron tries to check them in, only to be told that if the head coach isn't there, then they can't check in. Opal then poses as Ben. When he asks if she's really "Mr. Ben Hopkins," she tells him that it's 2020, asking if he really wants to do this. She then gives the nametag to Ron, saying he's Ben until Ben shows up. He tells her she has to set up for Shannon's birthday. She gripes about being stuck in Cincinnati, then enters the room where Shannon's birthday is being set up, complete with rose petals, food and drinks, and a hot guy. "Cincinnati, hello!" The man tells her he's second chair in the Cincinnati Philharmonic and she asks if he knows "Tubthumping."

Hopkins and Shannon share "road trip food," stuck in traffic. They reminisce about past road trips, and he tries to convince her to get off at another exit, but she tells him that's how he always get them lost. Back at the inn, Ron is forced to endure jokes about assistant coaches and meets with Bobby Knight. Hopkins is shocked that Ron got to meet with a hero of his, as he and Shannon are lost in the middle of nowhere. They pull up to a gas station to ask for directions and Hopkins meets with someone and starts sharing photos, while the car is stolen. He gripes that she had to pee and her bladder ruins everything. Opal chows down on the party food and poses as Shannon, enjoying a couples massage with the philharmonic player, who says that perhaps he'll start driving for Uber.

Shannon and Hopkins are caught out in the rain, arguing. Back at the hotel, the team waits in an elevator, hoping for some cheerleaders to wander in on them. Three enter the elevator and DJ hits the emergency stop button, only to offer them the remains of an old corndog. Scott, however, gets them to agree to meet at the pool. Ron is introduced as Ben Hopkins, and told that his speech is in the prompter. Seeing just what Hopkins wrote, which is vulgar, he orders the prompter to be turned off, saying he's going to speak from the heart. He then gives a speech instead about molding the next generation of leaders, and saying it's about the kids. He says that without them, who knows what trouble the kids might get into. Cut to the team at the pool, where they find the pool drained and the outline of a dead body. DJ declares that they can't party with cheerleaders in that dump. He says they can fix it, that they can make the pool sparkle. So they all go to work cleaning the pool.

Hopkins and Shannon wander through the lonely night and finally find a restaurant, "Tinhorns." Shannon declares that they won't let her in without an ID, that she always gets carded. They manage to get in and borrow a phone, but are forced to admit that neither of them actually knows Ron's phone number. Hopkins shouts at the phone to call Ron, but ends up getting some random guy named Ron. "Who the hell are you?" he asks. Hopkins slides the phone back, saying all Rons are useless. Seeing a man fall off a mechanical horse and an offer to beat seven seconds for the jackpot, Shannon declares she has a new plan.

At the hotel, one of the coaches comments that the stories they heard about Hopkins being a hothead were wrong, that he's just a teddy bear. He is offered to be a featured guest for Phil Storm's *Eye of the Storm* show. The guys try to fill up the pool, only for it to end up looking more like a bubble bath due to all of the cleaning products they used. The cheerleaders arrive, saying it looks like a foam party and is "rad." At Tinhorns, Shannon rides the bull, all the way up to the "Impossibull" setting. She becomes the new record winner, and he hugs her, saying she still has it. They receive the "jackpot," two hats, two mugs of beer... and $200... in gift certificates only acceptable there. Back in the end, the guys and cheerleaders enjoy their foam party, but get rashes and everyone's eyes start to burn. Matty says it was supposed to be the perfect plan and now they're all going to die.

Ron goes on Phil Storms's show, and Hopkins is forced to watch from the inn. Shannon suggests that they could maybe still get there in time for the game, but he says it wasn't the point. She asks what the point really was, and he says it was his chance to be taken seriously. It could have changed everything for him. They apologize for not getting each other there, but agree the night was kind of fun. She pulls out an envelope, which he explains is her birthday present that he was going to give to her in Cincinnati. He says it's the only thing he knew she wanted from him. He goes to the restroom as she opens the envelope. It's the divorce papers, signed with his name. She takes him aside, saying she's confused. She tells him she knows it's all she wanted and she kisses him. They get undressed in a back closet and have sex standing up, in a musical number in which it's promised that the deed won't actually be shown.

That morning, Opal apologizes for the team ruining the inn's pool, the entire team having terrible rashes on their faces. Hopkins and Shannon finally arrive, having hitched a ride from Tinhorns. They learn that the tournament was canceled on account of all the players from all the teams getting severe chemical burns. Ron apologizes to Hopkins for pretending to be him and stealing his thunder, saying a friend doesn't do that to another friend and he hopes he forgives him. The philharmonic guy plays melancholically and Hopkins orders him to shut up.

## Cast and characters

Starring:

* Jake Johnson as Coach Ben Hopkins
* Ron Funches as Ron
* Cleo King as Principal Opal Lowry
* Natasha Leggero as Shannon
* A.D. Miles as Matty

Also Starring:

* Steve Berg as DJ
* Eric Edelstein
* Ben Hoffman as Timebomb
* Mary Holland
* Gil Ozeri as Isaac
* Gareth Reynolds
* Sam Richardson as Marcus
* Nick Swardson as Scott

## Navigation

* 1.01 The Pilot
* 1.02 My Two Dads
* 1.03 Ethics
* 1.04 The Sponsor
* 1.05 Matty Gets a Girlfriend
* 1.06 Zen
* 1.07 The Strike
* 1.08 Death
* 1.09 **The Road Game**
* 1.10 The Scout

## External links

* The Road Game on the Internet Movie Database