Fake TPOT 20b: Pumping Iridium

Warning! This page may contain **spoilers** of a popular video.
"**Pumping Iridium**" is the second part of the non-canon twentieth episode of *TPOT* by Jacknjellify. It was released on 28 January 1980. This episode is only headcanon to me, that is, until the real TPOT 2 comes out, after which it splits from the rest of the series to become an alternate universe. During the creation process, this episode was known as "**Teamwork (Take Six)**" until that title was given to the previous one instead.

Author's note: As a gift from me to you, I'll post what I've been using as reference for who is in each team. Of course, up until TPOT 18, the team configurations looked very similar to those of TPOT 1 (which you probably all know by now). Therefore, I didn't need to post it. But now, with the new teams and all, I do. So without further ado, here are the TPOT 20 teams in an image!

Author's note #2: So it looks like TPOT 2 is still in production. It's not cancelled, hooray! I don't have a Twitter, but the news that Pokey has sketched an elimination seating arrangement appeared on Reddit and made episode 2 all the more real. I can't wait to see and hear everyone again!

Previous episode: "Teamwork (Take Six)"
Next episode: "45 RPM to Your Doom!

## Cold open

### **Outside the building**

**Scene**"A few weeks later", as shown by an indicator at the bottom of the screen. **Two** and the other **contestants** have made it to the outside of a cubical, beige building. They are all out of breath.
* **Two**: [*robotically*] You have arrived at your destination.
* **Need****le**: Finally!
* **Nic****k****el**: [*breathing heavily*] Where... are we?
* **Cloudy**: Nickel, you've got to stop pretending you're out of breath.
* **N****a****ily**: Yeah! While most of us walked, you got a lift from Cloudy.
* **Nic****k****el**: What can I say? I've got family ties.
* **Bo****ok**: Er, Two? What is this building?
* **Two**: It's a gym!
* **Everyone**: Ooooooh!

[*All disperse.*]

* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: I've never seen anything like this before!
* **Baske****t****ball**: Well, Robot Flower, that's because you don't need to go to the gym!
* **Snowball**: Neither does *me!*
* **Baske****t****ball**: Uh-huh.
* **Donut**: Two, why did you drag us to a gym in the middle of nowhere?
* **Need****le**: As if we weren't already in the middle of nowhere...
* **Two**: I'm glad you asked, Donut! With the money I made hosting *Two-ety Two* back on the Equation Playground, I was finally able to open my own personal gymnasium! Isn't it lovely?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: It would be lovely if it were several kilometres in *that* direction.

[*He indicates the Second Hotel, which is now a tiny speck in the background.*]

* **Lig****htni****ng**: Yeah, why is it so far?
* **Two**: According to the best numerology experts, this location is auspicious.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: I demand you to move this gym near our hotel. It looks good that way. [*Beat.*] My wife is an exterior home designer.
* **G****at****y**: Ha ha!
* **Two**: Yes, fine, okay!

[*Two uses the powers to levitate the entire building and move it in the direction of the hotel. The large sound of a building dropping is heard, forming a tiny earthquake under Two and the contestants.*]

* **S****aw**: Clock, I, I think you've made a big mistake.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: What? Why?
* **S****aw**: Remember a few weeks ago when we started walking, and Two told us that we're going to the challenge area?

[*Clock stares upwards.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: Oh, tick.
* **Two**: It's time to walk back!
* **Everyone**: *TwoOOOOOO**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!***

[*The intro plays.*]

## Pre-contest

### **Outside the moved gym**

**Scene**"A few weeks later", as shown by an indicator at the bottom of the screen. **Two** and the other **contestants** have walked back. They all fall down out of exhaustion... except for Snowball.
* **Snowball**: Get up, Weenies! It's time to be *strong!*
* **T****r****e****e**: It's pronounced... *Vitas*.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Just be glad that we made it.

[*Remote points at the hotel, from which the building is only a metre away.*]

* **Eraser**: I call the cheese puffs. [*tries to get up*] Never mind, I'm lazy.
* **Baske****t****ball**: This wouldn't have happened if Two didn't magic the hotel away from us.
* **F****r****i****e****s**: Where we were *supposed* to go!
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Two deserves to be punished.
* **G****at****y**: I don't know why you're all ragging on Two, guys. It was clearly *Clock* that made them shift the hotel.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: What? I didn't think Two was actually going to do it!
* **Two**: But you demanded it, sir.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: I thought you were going to zap me or something.
* **Two**: *Well...* I didn't. Even though I really wanted to.
* **P****i****n**: Let's worry about that later, Clock.
* **Co****i****ny**: [*lying down and making grass angels*] I'm just enjoying the breeze.
* **Two**: [*happy again*] Don't enjoy the breeze for too long, Coiny!
* **Co****i****ny**: Why's that? Is it going to start snowing?
* **Two**: Of course not! That would be absurd. It's going to start raining.
* **Co****i****ny**: Raining water?
* **Two**: No, Coiny, raining building.
* **Co****i****ny**: Hey, was that sarcasm?
* **Two**: No.

[*Two uses their powers to levitate the entire gym building and drop it on the contestants. Crash sound, cut to black.*]

### **Inside Two's gym**

**Scene**The contestants get up and look around as they have made it inside of the building without having to move. What they see is a gym with very fancy equipment. Some of them go "ooh" and "ah".
* **Two**: You like that? You didn't even have to move!
* **S****aw**: Wow, thank you, Two!
* **Golf Ball**: No offence, but that's the nicest thing that you've done for us all day.
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: I agree with Golf Ball!
* **Two**: All day, eh? Hmm... [*thinks of a segue*] And does anybody know what day it is?
* **Eraser**: Sleep o'clock.
* **Two**: Remote, you're good at date reckoning. What is it today?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: It is December—
* **Two**: *Exactly*.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: So to clarify, the decade is ending in less than a month from now?
* **Two**: That's right, Lightning! And thanks for reminding me about your next contest!
* **F****r****i****e****s**: Our next contest has to do with the eighties. Wow.
* **T****r****e****e**: Uggh, I am perfectly fine with living in this decade, where it's safe.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: To be honest, the world's always been a little dangerous.
* **Nic****k****el**: Yeah, but now it's getting more dangerous.
* **Golf Ball**: There might even be nuclear war. That can happen if people are not friends with one another!
* **Baske****t****ball**: Are you talking about me and Naily, GB? 'Cause we're, like, 90% made up by now.

[*Two claps their hands twice.*]

* **Two**: Hush now, I want to talk about the contest!

[*Everyone goes silent.*]

* **Two**: Thank you. As I was saying, a new decade is approaching. We've already reached a new stage in the battle, so we don't need to make any changes. But that doesn't mean I don't want you to feel your best!
* **Eraser**: What do you mean?
* **Two**: Today's contest is a fitness contest!
* **Snowball**: *YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!*

[*Snowball topples over a bunch of gym equipment.*]

* **Snowball**: *WHOOOOOOAAAAAAA!*
* **Two**: Snowball, sit down.

[*Two levitates Snowball to the ground.*]

* **Donut**: But I thought these month-long hikes were a challenge in themselves. It's not?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Unfortunately, no.
* **Two**: It is time for you to get used to your new teams. That's why I'm separating you!
* **P****i****n**: Oh no, you don't mean...
* **Two**: Oh yes, I do.
* **Puffball**: [*Aside.*] Hmm... already seen.
* **Two**: The Alefs, Vitas and U... Pick your poison.

[*Two writes on a chalkboard the words "Weightlifting", "running around the building" and "dancing".*]

* **Snowball**: We want *wigged lifting!*
* **Winner**: Er, it's pronounced *weightlifting*.
* **Snowball**: We want that too!

[*Two writes "Vitas" next to the word "weightlifting".*]

* **Two**: Alright, Vitas, you've picked the weightlifting challenge.
* **Snowball**: *BROOOOOOOOOO!* [*to Eraser and Pen*] *HIGH FIVE, **NOW!***
* **P****en**: Okay!

[*They high-five.*]

* **Puffball**: I like dancing.
* **T****V**: Hey, me too!
* **F****r****i****e****s**: Outward expressions of creativity, my favourite.
* **Nic****k****el**: Are you being sarcastic?
* **F****r****i****e****s**: Not this time, Nickel.

[*Two writes "The Alefs" next to the word "dancing" and "U" next to "running around the building".*]

* **Two**: And that means *U're* stuck with running around the building. Any loud and annoying complaints you'd like to make?
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Not from here!
* **N****a****ily**: We love running!
* **Golf Ball**: That's your opinion. I'm still feeling beat from earlier.
* **T****r****e****e**: Yeah, and I don't really feel like doing any weightlifting right now.
* **Two**: You must do it, or else!
* **T****r****e****e**: Or else what?
* **Two**: [*ominously*] Let's just say you do *not* want to be the one that has done the least work.
* **Golf Ball**: Each word of that sentence had one syllable.

[*Two walks backwards but suddenly runs forwards again.*]

* **Two**: Are you excited?
* **Nic****k****el**: Not really.
* **Two**: But you have to be. It is now time to *mooooooove!* Alefs, to the front, Vitas, to the back, and U, follow me outside.
* **Bo****ok**: Can't you just move the building around us? You're clearly capable of that.
* **Two**: Nope!

[*Everyone starts moving as Two puts on a long-playing disco record, which plays quietly in the background during the challenge.*]

* **T****r****e****e**: I don't like where this is going.
* **P****en**: [*taking his hand*] Come on, Tree!
* **T****r****e****e**: Nnngh.
* **P****en**: How about we see who can lift the most, eh? I bet you'd do great!
* **T****r****e****e**: Fine, I'll get up. Just, er, wait for me.
* **P****en**: Okay!

[*Pen and Eraser head towards the back of the building.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: [*imitating Pen*] *Come on, Tree.* [*regular voice*] He's so excitable, yeesh. Despite the mere existence of the phrase *down-to-earth*, there aren't many mellow people on this planet.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Such is life in a building designed to boost conceited people's egos.
* **T****r****e****e**: I know, right? Well, I'm vaguely motivated. Death Preventers' faction, let's all go to the back.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: A faction? Is that what we're called now?
* **T****r****e****e**: If we're going by the dictionary definition, then yes.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: I can see that.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: That name suits us to a T.

## Contest prep

### **Outside Two's gym (U)**

**Scene**The nine contestants of this team are gathered outside. **Two** smiles at the camera for a few seconds.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: D'um... Two? I want you to be very specific about what the contest is. Make sure we don't misinterpret anything you say, you hear me?
* **Need****le**: Geez, Clock, is that how you talk to your wife?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: *No*, but thanks for your concern.
* **Two**: I'm so glad that there are other people besides Lightning who ask for clarification! U, your contest is simple: Run around the building. That's all.
* **Golf Ball**: Sounds simple enough!
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Sometimes the best challenges are repetitive.
* **Baske****t****ball**: And tedious.

[*Book steps up to Two.*]

* **Bo****ok**: Okay, Two, but what will we be judged by?
* **Two**: What do you think is the most important thing to measure in a running competition?
* **Need****le**: Speed?
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: Stamina?
* **Need****le**: Strength?
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: How would you measure strength? This is a running competition!
* **Need****le**: Oh yeah.
* **Two**: Distance!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: I'm sorry, Two, but not all of us want to associate with distance after the second-longest march in the world.
* **Two**: But I do! [*smiles cheekily*] As you've all got the same amount of time to do the challenge, it is your *distance* by which you will be judged.
* **Bo****ok**: Strangely simple, so we can do that! Right?
* **Golf Ball**: I don't see how anyone can cheat the system in this way!
* **Two**: That's great! Now your challenge begins... now.

[*Two claps and all the U's suddenly have pedometers attached to their legs.*]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: I've never felt so monitored since your replacement principal came to observe our lessons.
* **Golf Ball**: Don't reminisce, TB... run! [*Beat.*] If you want to.

[*Everyone starts to run around the gym building.*]

### **Back of the gym (Vitas)**

**Scene**Snowball is already starting to lift weights on the machine thing with Eraser and Pen watching, impressed. Black Hole, Tree, Lightning and Remote also observe this spectacle and are much less impressed. Huc teleportat **Two**.
* **Two**: Hello!

[*Everyone screams.*]

* **Two**: Snowball, please step away from the bench press. I'm talking now.
* **Snowball**: Don't speak to me like me child!
* **Lig****htni****ng**: [*trying to parse*] "Don't speak to me... like my child." Snowball, you're a dad?
* **Snowball**: *Who cares?*
* **T****r****e****e**: [*Aside.*] I bet he doesn't even know.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: That's the scary part.

[*Two claps twice.*]

* **Two**: Hush now and listen to me! I can tell that this team will have the most problems when it comes to good behaviour and following instructions.
* **T****r****e****e**: Only because most of this team are rebels without a charm.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: And boys. Don't forget the boys.
* **Eraser**: Hey, Two, what's the contest?
* **Two**: Well, as I was about to say many times now...
* **Eraser**: Sorry.
* **Two**: Your contest is to lift as much as possible.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: That doesn't seem so safe.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Exactly, you could seriously injure yourself—*i.e.*, cause death—if you lift too much more than you can.
* **Two**: I like your train of logic. But I don't really care if any object dies here! I can recover you lot, remember?
* **T****r****e****e**: Wow, Two. Revealing your innermost feelings to this sausage fest.
* **Two**: That's right! Your team will be measured by maximum weight lifted. After all, it's a weightlifting challenge, heh.
* **P****en**: Ha-*ha!* [*Beat.*] I'm sorry, that's funny.
* **Two**: Alright, everyone, your challenge starts... now!

[*Two claps, suddenly placing each member of Vitas under a bench press machine.*]

* **[** **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e** · **Snowball** **]**: I don't need this!

### **Front of the gym (Alefs)**

**Scene**The nine contestants of this team are gathered in the front "studio" part of the gym. A large mirror faces them, accidentally providing amusement to some of the contestants.
* **Puffball**: TV, do the thing.
* **Nic****k****el**: Yeah, I want to see this!
* **T****V**: Okay.

[*TV changes his screen to a mirror, which bounces off the gym mirror, back to him, back to the gym mirror, back to him* etc.]

* **Puffball**: Ooh, wow.
* **Nic****k****el**: What if this is real life?
* **Co****i****ny**: Pin, I'm scared!
* **S****aw**: Darn, I wish I was as reflective for mirrors!
* **G****at****y**: You would cause a different kind of energy crisis and I wouldn't love you any less.

[*Huc teleportat* **Two**.]

* **Two**: Objects, TPOTers, contestants. Lend me your hearing apparatuses; it's time for you to hear your challenge.
* **F****r****i****e****s**: Finally, we've been waiting for ages!
* **G****at****y**: [*intrigued*] Really? How many ages?
* **Two**: *Two!*

[*Silence.*]

* **Cloudy**: Two, can you please tell us the contest?
* **Two**: Yes, sure! Your challenge is to dance as accurately as you can!
* **Puffball**: But dancing is an art form. Why bother with accuracy when your movements can just be real?
* **Cloudy**: But PB, what about dance classes that you have to take for credit?
* **Nic****k****el**: What kind of wacko school requires dance classes?
* **Cloudy**: Not sure. I was thinking they existed somewhere.
* **P****i****n**: I'd love to do some dancing, but who can I copy?
* **Co****i****ny**: Copy? This team is original!
* **G****at****y**: Sure, Coiny, I could tell by your president-esque speeches that you so try to emulate. /s
* **Two**: Hush, Alefs! We may live in a world where I can buy iridium weights and perfectly spherical yoga balls at will, but we haven't quite reached the age of placing individual television sets in public gyms. You will just have to make do with what you've got.
* **S****aw**: So should we make up our own rules?
* **Two**: Nope!

[*With a snap of their fingers, Two changes TV's screen to the word "ready".*]

* **Puffball**: TV, what have they done to you?
* **T****V**: Two has got me dancing in the loosest sense.
* **Puffball**: Cool. Now play *Spirit Bandwagon*.
* **Two**: Your job is to repeat TV's moves as accurately as possible. I have used a special algorithm to quantify this on account of my love of numbers and all.
* **F****r****i****e****s**: Su-hu-hu-hu-hure.
* **Two**: I suggest that you get your disco on, 'cause your contest starts... now!

[*Two claps and a countdown from 10 appears on TV's screen.*]

* **T****V**: This is great! I don't have to do any work. Dance well, all! [*displays the winking emoji on his screen*]

## Contest

### **Outside Two's gym (U)**

**Scene**The members of U are running around the building at various speeds. Robot Flower is the fastest.
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: Twelve laps done! Thirteen laps done! Fourteen laps done!
* **N****a****ily**: Robot Flower, we know you can run fast!
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: You're a robot; it's even in your name!
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: So not everyone here can run as fast as me?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: I'm afraid not.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: If we could, we'd be running as quickly as you are.
* **Bo****ok**: But... didn't Two say that speed isn't the most important thing here?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: That's right. It's distance.
* **Golf Ball**: It is distance and nothing else!

[*The contestants continue to run.*]

* **Need****le**: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Oh, no, no, no, no, you are *not* going to run off to the hotel. I forbid it.
* **Need****le**: What makes you think that?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: I know you, Needle. You always like to take the easy way. Remember BFDI 2?
* **Need****le**: You remember all those years ago? Omg!
* **Baske****t****ball**: You know, I think running to the hotel's a great idea! Snowball has a treadmill that he hasn't touched; maybe we can take turns on that!
* **Golf Ball**: Hold on. Snowball has a *treadmill?*
* **Baske****t****ball**: I know. We don't even know how it got there.
* **N****a****ily**: I don't want to go to the room of The Strongestest Team on Earth!
* **Baske****t****ball**: There is no *The Strongestest Team on Earth!* any more. Haven't you forgotten?
* **N****a****ily**: Oh yeah. I keep forgetting we're meant to be friends.
* **Baske****t****ball**: Aww, that's so nice!
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: Come on, let's go!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Suit yourself, guys, but I'll be running outside the building *as Two intended*.
* **N****a****ily**: Bye bye!
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Ooh, want to get some food first?
* **N****a****ily**: Yeah!

[**Basketball**, **Naily**, **Needle**, **Price Tag** *and* **Robot Flower** *run to the ground floor of the hotel.* **Book** *looks around and follows them seconds later. Now it's just* **Clock** *running around the building—***Golf Ball** *and* **Tennis Ball** *are almost walking.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: Now that the rest of the team has abandoned us, you'd better pick up the pace. I can't carry you two forever.
* **Golf Ball**: Watch where you point your tongue, sonny, I can out-old you on any given day!
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Oh no, there's another conflict!
* **Golf Ball**: No, there isn't.

[*Golf Ball stops, followed by Tennis Ball.*]

* **Golf Ball**: I'm going to follow your New Age advice and do the mature thing.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: What's that?
* **Golf Ball**: Walk away.

[**Golf Ball** *walks off.* **Tennis Ball** *follows.*]

* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: You just want to see how our hotel room looks.
* **Golf Ball**: The prospect is tempting!
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Then let's go!

### **Back of the gym (Vitas)**

**Scene****Donut**, **Eraser**, **Lightning**, **Pen**, **Remote**, **Tree** and **Winner** are working out (or at least trying to work out) on the bench press machines. **Snowball** and **Black Hole** stand in the back, not connected to any machine—Snowball is glaring at Black Hole, who looks unrealistically calm for someone in the presence of such a monster.
* **Snowball**: Grrr... *grrrrr!* I want to... I want to *punch you!*
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: I'd like to see you try, Snowball.
* **Snowball**: I don't think I'll do that! [*nervous for once*] I... don't fear you at all.

[*Meanwhile...*]

* **P****en**: Isn't working out fun?
* **T****r****e****e**: There's not much fun in contorting your body into strange positions in front of strangers. I wouldn't even do it for money.
* **P****en**: Don't look at it that way! Going to the gym can be a terrific experience, as a matter of fact.
* **T****r****e****e**: Really?
* **P****en**: When I was on the baseball team... [*Tree rolls his eyes*] I was a—
* **T****r****e****e**: Pen. This story isn't about your feeling a certain tension in your Canadian sports career again... Is it?
* **P****en**: D'you want it to be? 'Cause I can do that. [*smirks*]
* **T****r****e****e**: Don't tempt me, kiddo. Ah, well, Remote looks like she's having fun with her robot spotter.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: [*to the robot*] So, do you come here often?
* **P****en**: And Lightning's having a blast.

[*Pen points to Lightning, who is lifting a very light weight. He doesn't seem to mind, as he is listening to punk rock on his headphones.*]

* **Lig****htni****ng**: Feck, I'm the strongest bolt in the world!

[*Meanwhile.*]

* **Snowball**: I challenge you to a weight fight!
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: I'm sorry, a what?
* **Snowball**: Me fight you!
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: I'm not comfortable with throwing dumbbells around. And I don't want to handle the weights, either.
* **Eraser**: *Ohhhhhhh*, SB, you got burned, bro! What're you gonna do about it?
* **Snowball**: [*to Black Hole*] He who lifts the most weight wins!
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Deal.

[*Enter* **Tree**, **Pen** *and* **Remote**.]

* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Stop, Black Hole, you don't have to do this if you don't want to.
* **T****r****e****e**: Aren't you worried about causing death?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Defending one's honour carries the same weight as defending a friend's life. I have to do this.
* **P****en**: It's only a TPOT challenge, y'know.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: We'll have forgotten half of what happened by next episode.
* **T****r****e****e**: It's his life, I suppose. I support you all the way, Black Hole!
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: [*gives him a thumbs up*] Right on, man.

### **Front of the gym (Alefs)**

**Scene**The contestants wait around before TV can play the footage to which they are supposed to dance. **Nickel** puts a tiny coin into TV's back.
* **T****V**: That tickles! [*His screen adds another ten seconds to an already large number.*]
* **Nic****k****el**: I have more where that came from.
* **F****r****i****e****s**: Steady on, Nickel. I don't want to have to call you an obnoxious rich boy.
* **Co****i****ny**: Hey, that's me!
* **Puffball**: But wait! If TV says it tickles when someone puts a coin in him, where exactly does the coin go?

[*An eerie music sting briefly plays.*]

* **T****V**: Oh, don't be so scared, everyone. It's just a battery compartment I inherited from my ancestors. It's pretty much useless.
* **Puffball**: So there's nothing NSFW.
* **T****V**: Gross, no.

[*The countdown on TV's screen now shows 10... 9... 8...*]

* **T****V**: Ready?
* **Rest of his team**: Ready!
* **S****aw**: This is going to be so much fun!
* **G****at****y**: I bet synchronized dancing will be the thing of the eighties.

[*TV's screen shows 3... 2... 1...*]

* **Cloudy**: [*squeals in excitement in a very deep voice*] Eeeeeee.

[*TV's screen becomes a parody of those Just Dance videos: A faceless, monochromatic object performs the movements as the contestants are instructed to follow them, receiving cues from the bottom of the screen. The contestants laugh or go "ooh" at this new technology as they replicate the movements as accurately as they can.*]

* **Co****i****ny**: I could do this forever!
* **T****V**: Good, because this playlist goes on for ten hours.
* **Nic****k****el**: We'll never get tired. You rock, TV!
* **F****r****i****e****s**: Sure, between the music coming out of the speakers and whatever is playing on TV, there isn't much else a talking media device can do.

### **Back of the gym (Vitas)**

**Scene****Snowball** and **Black Hole** start their strength battle as **Eraser**, **Tree**, **Pen** and **Remote** watch with anticipation. The other team members are too busy working out.
* **Eraser**: [*giving him the thumbs-up*] You got it, dude!
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Alright, Snowball, how shall we start—

[*Before Black Hole can finish his sentence, Snowball immediately lifts up a bench press machine and drops it on the ground. It makes a loud crashing sound, which no one seems to notice.*]

* **Snowball**: ***NYAAAA!*** [*lifts the rug*] ***NYAAAA!*** [*lifts the water cooler*] ***NYAAAA!*** [*lifts the entire building—view of the other teams, who don't care*] ***NYAAAA!** HOYYEEHOYEEHOYEEHOYEEE!* [*beats his chest*] Think you can top that, wimp?
* **T****r****e****e**: Remember, Black Hole. Be humble.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Don't stoop to his level.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Okay.

[**Black Hole** *floats up into the sky. Tree and the others go outside and look up. In true BFDI physics fashion, Black Hole takes a small star (which is somehow visible in the daytime sky) and sucks it up.*]

* **T****r****e****e**: Black Hole wins.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: As expected. Come, let's go back to our workout.

### **Staircase (U)**

**Scene****Tennis Ball** and **Golf Ball** anxiously stand outside the TSTOE hotel room.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Oh, I'm scared! You know how I feel about rotten food.
* **Golf Ball**: Yes, I do. But this is your hotel room, where you've been sleeping for the last three years.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: You're right, GB. If I can sit through twenty kids calling me *Tuberculosis*, I can do this.
* **Golf Ball**: You've got this, Tennis Ball!
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: I... have a... [*runs through the door*] ***BEEEEEEEEED!***

### **TSTOE's hotel room (U)**

**Scene**Enter **Tennis Ball** to a scene of mirth and merriment; it looks like U are having a party in the hotel room—they're eating food and playing games, while Book is running on a treadmill. Rock music plays in the background. Nevertheless, everyone stops what they are doing as they see Tennis Ball make his shouting entrance.
* **Baske****t****ball**: Oh, hi, Tennis Ball, you're missing the fun!
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Fun? [*Enter* **Golf Ball**.] What is this?
* **Need****le**: Oh. While you were gone, we kind of—
* **N****a****ily**: Had a party. [*holds up a cheese puff*] Cheese puffs?
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: We stole them from Eraser's room.
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: If Eggy were here, she'd be so proud.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: But what about the fact that we've been gone for months? Hasn't the food gone bad?
* **N****a****ily**: No!
* **Baske****t****ball**: You're not going to believe this, but our hotel has preserved everything as it was when we left!
* **Bo****ok**: We think it has something to do with Two's powers!
* **Golf Ball**: Sounds interesting. TB, let's investigate!
* **Baske****t****ball**: *Or* you could stay and party.

[*Golf Ball and Tennis Ball look at each other.*]

* **Golf Ball**: Fine. We party first, and then we investigate.
* **Baske****t****ball**: Woohoo!
* **Need****le**: Hey, Book, how about you let someone else on that treadmill, yeah?
* **Bo****ok**: Yep, I guess you're right! [*steps off the treadmill, dizzy*] We've got... enough time for everyone.

### **Front of the gym (Alefs)**

**Scene**The contestants are still dancing. Well, not so much dancing as much as they are imitating the moves of the little character on TV's screen. Pin is having a hard time catching up.
* **P****i****n**: TV, can you go a little slower, please?
* **T****V**: I don't think I have a slow down button, but if I did, I would totally use it.
* **P****i****n**: But I'm... I'm... I'm going to fall.

[*Pin falls on her back.*]

* **Co****i****ny**: Oh no, Pin's fallen and she can't get up!
* **Puffball**: Tss-ss-sst! [*Beat.*] Sorry, no one else will get that reference.
* **T****V**: Yeah, you're ten years behind.
* **Cloudy**: Pin, do you think you should be rolled out of here?
* **Co****i****ny**: I know what to do. I'll carry her out bridal-style!
* **P****i****n**: Please, Coiny... you couldn't even do that at our wedding.
* **Co****i****ny**: Oh yeah, you carried *me*.
* **G****at****y**: *Ha!*
* **P****i****n**: And I'm fine with being rolled. It reminds me of my poor old limbless days. No offence.
* **[** **Cloudy** · **Puffball** **]**: None taken.
* **Puffball**: Want us to dance for you?
* **P****i****n**: That'd be nice.

[*Exeunt* **Coiny** *and* **Pin**. *They both roll—after all, that's what Coiny is known to do.*]

* **G****at****y**: [*Aside.*] Extras.
* **S****aw**: Mm-hmm.
* **F****r****i****e****s**: TV, can you do a faster song?
* **Puffball**: [*making the same face as SpongeBob when he found out that Squidward likes Krabby Patties*] You like synchronized dancing, don't you, Fries?
* **F****r****i****e****s**: Hmmph, you've caught me.
* **T****V**: I can go faster.
* **Nic****k****el**: Aww!
* **T****V**: Oh, Puffball and Cloudy, how do you think Two's going to judge your moves? None of you have any limbs!
* **Puffball**: That's easy. You've got to have passion and emotion and feeling, and I've just realized that all these words mean the same thing.
* **Cloudy**: Oh... I did not know that.

### **Outside Two's gym**

**Scene**Clock continues to run dutifully. Enter **Coiny** and **Pin**, who stop rolling.
* **Co****i****ny**: Hey, Clock.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Can't talk... running.
* **P****i****n**: Have you ever heard of time dilation?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Okay, I'll stop.

[*Clock tries to stop running and he falls on his face.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: I should have decelerated that last bit. Now what are you two doing out here?
* **Co****i****ny**: Oh, Pin got tired, so we're going to the hotel room.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: You got tired of dancing? But you love to *bust a move*, as the hip people say.

[*Coiny looks at Clock, confused.*]

* **P****i****n**: That is true, but... I haven't done any move-busting in ages.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: How many ages?
* **P****i****n**: 2,763.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Heh... Hey, I think I've done my part in the challenge. How about I join you two for a little break?
* **Co****i****ny**: Sure, we're allowing visitors. Pin is too tired for anything. Like, *anything*.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: O... kay.

[*Huc teleportat* **Two**.]

* **Two**: Times up, U! [*sees that nobody is there, except for Clock, who is about to go with Coiny and Pin*] Clock!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Yes?
* **Two**: You're not running! All the contestants on this show and it was *you* who didn't follow my rules! [*to the camera*] That's a bit ironic, innit?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: But I was running, ticking swear!
* **Two**: Sure, Clock. When we find out who did the worst at the end of the episode, I'll let the step-counters do the talking!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: *Gé-erre-erre-erre-erre...*
* **Two**: But until then, you sit as still as you've done for the last hour or so. I'll go stop the other teams.

### **Back of the gym (Vitas)**

**Scene**The contestants have returned to their workout. **Snowball** is on the ground, moaning and crying to himself like in that iCarly episode with the cooking challenge.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: It's a good thing Lightning can't hear this.

[*Enter* **Black Hole**.]

* **T****r****e****e**: Black Hole, you're back.
* **P****en**: You're on a roll, champ!
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: All I did was go to the nearest big star and suck it up. There are no habitable planets, that orbit it, so...
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: So you prevented death. How did it taste?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Huh?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: The star that you sucked up, what did it taste like?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: It tasted like a star.

[*Huc teleportat* **Two**.]

* **Two**: Time's up, Vitas!
* **Eraser**: But I just started!
* **Two**: Too bad! I'm going to end this challenge as soon as I stop the Alefs.

[*Two points at the Alefs; hinc teleportat. Transition to the next scene.*]

### **Front of the gym (Alefs)**

**Scene**The contestants are moving very slowly now, as they have been dancing for quite a while. **Two** walks over to them.
* **Two**: That's a fine way to greet your numerical overlord! From now on, instead of saying *hello*, you must all scream when you are in my presence.
* **G****at****y**: We kind of do that internally.
* **Puffball**: Anyway, we've been staring at TV for so long that we've lost all awareness of the outside world.
* **Two**: That must be nice. If you're wondering why I'm here, I must tell you that I've come to announce the end of your challenge and that you will be judged eventually.
* **G****at****y**: Finally.
* **Two**: Now, did everyone have fun?
* **Cloudy**: Hmm... I guess we did.
* **S****aw**: Yeah, this communal-type dancing thing really hits the spot! But now I just want to lie down on some bed.
* **Nic****k****el**: I don't.

[*Everyone gives Nickel a dirty look.*]

* **Nic****k****el**: Because I want to bury myself in the ground and stay there till January.
* **Puffball**: Same, dude.
* **Two**: TV, have you got the results?
* **T****V**: I do, for all the teams, actually.
* **Two**: Alright. I think it's time to end this challenge!
* **Nic****k****el**: [*on the ground*] Agreed.

## Post-contest

### **Two's gym**

**Scene**Everyone is gathered in the front studio part of the gym.
* **Two**: I regret to inform you all that Coiny, Pin and Clock will not be able to attend this results ceremony.
* **G****at****y**: Ooh, are they dead?
* **Two**: Macabre inquiry, but no. Anyway, let's get going! TV, have you the results?
* **T****V**: Yes, I do. Should I show all of them at once or one after the other?
* **Two**: Let's go from best to worst.

[*TV shows a loading screen.*]

* **Two**: Remember: The contestant that's done the worst in this challenge will be eliminated on the spot! Good luck!

[*TV shows the results as dramatic music begins to play.*]

* **Two**: In first place, Black Hole! [*Before anyone can applaud, Two continues.*] In second place, Puffball! In third place, Snowball! In fourth place...

### **EXIT**

**Scene**The scene is being watched on Bracelety's television set in the EXIT.
* **Ma****tch**: Like, wow. An actual fitness challenge.
* **David**: Aw, seriously?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Why is Two so hell-bent on making sure the contestants look their best, anyway?
* **Ma****tch**: Because looking good, like, pays off.
* **Bracel****ety**: I always look good! Especially for Ice Cube! *She can see me.*
* **P****e****nci****l**: Ooh, if we're talking about guilty pleasures, can I mention Pen?
* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: *No.*
* **P****e****nci****l**: I could watch the little guy lift weights all day.
* **Fir****ey** **Jr****.**: Those weights are tiny, Pencil.
* **Ma****tch**: And he didn't even, like, do anything. I bet he's going to get eliminated.
* **8****-****Ball**: He can't get eliminated because he is overrated.
* **R****o****b****oty**: Wow, that rhymed.
* **St****a****py**: I think Foldy's going to win.
* **8****-****Ball**: But Foldy is not even in the game.
* **St****a****py**: She's already won my affections.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Hey. Don't make me tell Liy that.
* **St****a****py**: Wherever she is.

[*Jump cut to Liy travelling through the dimensions again.*]

* **Li****y**: Where am I? Again?

### **Two's gym**

**Scene**Back to the scene.
* **Two**: In 26th (the second-to-last place) is Eraser. And in 27th, or last, place, is TV.

[*Dramatic sting.*]

* **T****V**: Gasp. Me?
* **Two**: You didn't know?
* **T****V**: I only found out when you read my screen out loud!
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: TV's gone? Oh no!
* **Golf Ball**: He was exceedingly useful to every team.
* **Cloudy**: Two, I don't think TV should be eliminated.
* **Nic****k****el**: Yeah, he shouldn't; he led our dance! That's not something to be sent to Cabby for.
* **Two**: But did TV dance *himself?*
* **T****V**: How could I? I played the pictures for the entire Alefs. I couldn't see what I was doing.
* **Two**: Couldn't look at yourself, eh? You were standing in front of a mirror!

[*Silence as TV realizes what he didn't do.*]

* **T****V**: Oh. This is embarrassing. I've made a mistake and now I have to be sent off for it.

[*TV walks off, melodramatically.*]

* **Two**: Wait. TV, you can stay.

[*Everyone gasps.*]

* **T****V**: I can?
* **Two**: How would you like it... if I allowed you to be my co-host?
* **T****V**: What?
* **F****r****i****e****s**: An object co-host for Two?
* **Two**: Why not? I could use him to show information and stuff. It's not like you don't use him for that purpose too. What do you say, TV?
* **T****V**: I can do that; it's always been my dream to host a show! Sign me up, Two!
* **Two**: All you have to do is renounce all favouritism towards certain contestants and be impartial towards all people.
* **Golf Ball**: That means you have to treat everyone the same, even if he is your friend.

[*TV looks at Puffball and Robot Flower.*]

* **T****V**: I'm sorry. This is a dream of mine, but my friends come first. Just send me to the Filing Cabinet.
* **Two**: I can do that too!

[*Two uses their powers to send* **TV** *to the Filing Cabinet in the hotel. The sound of two doors slamming can be heard.*]

* **Puffball**: There goes the only guy who could truly understand me.
* **F****r****i****e****s**: I understand you.
* **Puffball**: Yeah, but TV and I are on the same wavelength. [*to everyone else (in lieu of the audience)*] And I bet the rest of you won't remember him afterwards!
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Who are we talking about again?

## Credits, post-credits scenes and voting screen

[*Roll credits. As soon as they finish,* **Two** *fades into the screen.*]

* **Two**: Oh wait! I forgot! Because the contestants did so well this year, I decided to give them all X-mas [*pronounced "ecks-mas"*] presents! They got to choose their favourite person living in the Filing Cabinet. However, it had to be someone who's never competed before in... *The Power of Two!* Here they are!

[*Basketball has chosen...*]

* **D****i****s****c****y**: Hip-hop is the in thing these days. Don't know what it is? Vote for me and I'll play it all the time!

[*Black Hole has chosen...*]

* **V****H****S****y**: Give me a chance! Wait... that's not so trendy.

[*Book has chosen...*]

* **Gen****der****flu****id** **Boo****k**: We cousins need to stick together! Not that it worked for Marker, but still... send me a vote!

[*Clock has chosen...*]

* **Unrelated Two Jr.**: [*in a high-pitched voice*] As the child of algebralien immigrants, I technically count as an object! Talk about self-loathing...

[*Cloudy has chosen...*]

* **Balloony**: I've git the home court advantage.

[*Coiny has chosen...*]

* **Protractor**: The Filing Cabinet is having a sale! If you don't live there... tough toodles.

[*Donut has chosen...*]

* **C****am****er****a**: Thanks, Donut, the best host out there. Now vote for me!

[*Eraser has chosen...*]

* **Anch****or**: Eyy!

[*Fries has chosen* **Blender**, *who blinks at the camera. Gaty has chosen...*]

* **Hei**: Hei!

[*Golf Ball has chosen...*]

* **Golf Ball Clone**: I've been informed that my personality has been changed.

[*Lightning has chosen...*]

* **Min****i Cyc****lone**: So my ex-boyfriend has chosen me. Hold up...

[*Naily and Price Tag have chosen...*]

* **Boo****m** **M****ic**: *BRACELETY!*

[*Needle has chosen...*]

* **Shop****ping Car****t**: Meep.

[*Nickel has chosen...*]

* **S****h****amp****o****o**: This guy is *super forgiving* if he thinks he can choose me. Now viewers, give me a vote and I'll make sure Nickel becomes—I mean, gets his essential ingredients.

[*Pen has chosen...*]

* **Rubb****er Spatula**: Once again, I'll read the names of everyone who voted for me... buddy.

[*Pin has chosen* **Onigiri**, *who waves at the camera. Price Tag has chosen...*]

* **L****e****e****k**: P.T. knows who to choose. But do you?

[*Puffball has chosen...*]

* **A****l****i****f**: Howdy, y'all!

[*Remote has chosen...*]

* **B****atter****y**: [*wearing a fashionable headband of metal and a lightbulb (as in BFB 16)*] Let's see if this so-called revolutionary wants to make amends.

[*Robot Flower has chosen...*]

* **9****-B****all**: [*sniffs*] What's that smell?

[*Saw has chosen...*]

* **Selinur**: Please don't vote for me. I have two sisters that I absolutely *cannot* be torn away from!

[*Snowball has chosen...*]

* **Snowflake**: Crudliously? We're *estranged*, gang it.

[*Tennis Ball has chosen...*]

* **Rele****va****nt Events Cale****ndar**: The year that our President was attacked by a swimming rabbit is finally done!

[*Tree has chosen...*]

* **Sa****lt** **L****am****p**: Go nuclear! [*Aside.*] I can say that here, right?

[*Winner has chosen...*]

* **P****D****A**: ♫ Hey, hello, you'd better vote for me... ver. ♫

### **Voting screen**

**Scene**Two stands against a background with letters and pictures of the contestants the viewers are instructed to vote for.
* **Two**: Right now, we need a little help deciding who should make it. Luckily for you, there are 26 contestants left, and that means 26 potential contestants for you to vote for. Comment below with the letter in square brackets who you want to see on the show! Whoever gets the most votes gets to participate in... *The Power of Two!*

[*Two looks around a bit before staring at the camera.*]

**THE END**
## Deleted scenes

**Nic****k****el**: So, how many teams do you think we'll have?
**Two**: Let's go with... three teams of nine!

* Tennis Ball was going to join Cloudy's team instead of Clock's team.
* I had written that Clock chose Donut for his team instead of Winner (who was on "Team B" in the first place). That was a mistake, which meant I had to delete this line.

**G****at****y**: Hey, you have feelings.
**C****l****o****c****k**: Yeah, it's called "being married".

* Pen was going to tell Two that the "bayta" pronunciation of the Greek letter *β* has been appropriated by fraternities and sororities throughout North America, so they should at least try to pronounce it authentically. Eraser would then tell Pen that he was somehow part of three fraternities at once, so he's one to talk. I dropped this mini scene because I didn't want to give him too many lines.
* During the team-naming:

**Donut**: You know "aleph" is Hebrew, too.
**P****en**: Pffbbhh, I totally knew that. [*Aside.*] Not.

* Ice Cube was going to call Eggy "Argaret".
* There were a few ideas for the gym contest (most of which would have been used in TPOT *19* rather than 20).
	+ The first one was that each member of a team of three would choose between weightlifting, dancing and running around the building. They were also sorted in English alphabetical order; thus "Gaty/Golf Ball/Lightning" would be a possible group. That's why Price Tag and Pin had a conversation together in this episode; it was originally meant for the last one.
	+ The second one was that three groups of three would be doing weightlifting, dancing or running full-time without input from the others. That would make it difficult to assess which team should be up for elimination since they would all be working together.
	+ The third one—and this was after the three teams were made—had three members of each team do weightlifting, dancing or running. They would either be static (doing the same task the whole challenge) or switching around (changing tasks when Two claps their hands).
* Tree's line about "sexual tension" was changed to "erotic" and then "a certain" tension. Darn my self-censorship.
* I was going to include a scene where the non-TB/GB/Clock members of U gather round TSTOE's hotel room, anxious about what they might find inside.
* Towards the end of the episode, someone was going to tell Two that they clearly show favouritism to certain contestants and therefore shouldn't have sent TV to the Filing Cabinet on grounds of hypocrisy.
* There was going to be a proper post-credits scene featuring a surprise character appearing. This was moved to the later episode.

## Notes

1. ↑ Why is Two walking with them? They could just teleport!
2. ↑ Don't crucify me, fitness experts!
3. ↑ I'm just going to keep making references to Vitas being an almost all-male team. With  it was fine; they were one team out of eight. But here it's almost a third of the cast.
4. ↑ The bench press seems to be completely different from weightlifting, the sport they do in the Olympics. It is only now that I've realized that.
5. ↑ *2022 edit*: Shhhhh...

**Fake TPOT** [V]