Headhunters 5: The Big Three

## Introduction

Monty's quest for the Holy Grail comes up short as he chooses poorly and is sent packing at the hands of the emerging supervillain Headless Horsemen.

## In Memoriam: Monty's Python

Those of us who stayed up for last night's Seahawks vs. Eagles game were treated to the Full Monty. It was a display of utter chaos as DK Metcalf went up against Jalen Hurts in a battle for the final three.

Monty came into the week taking hit after hit. Was Justin Jefferson going to play? How bad is Tyreek's ankle? Is Keenan Allen being shut down for the season? Does Austin Ekeler actually suck, I mean he did so well in week 14? This was Headhunter's best team all season, but like Tom Brady behind an awful O-line it seemed like time had caught up with him.

When Austin Heckler was kicked out of the comedy club on Thursday night, it was clear that these concerns were no laughing matter and Monty had ground to make up. The loss of Tyreek Hill and Keenan Allen only exacerbated the issue of being the least healthy super team among super teams.

Aiyuk and George came up Little against Arizona, and Derrick HENry chickened out vs. the Texans. CeeDee was led like a lamb to the slaughter against a ferocious Bills defense, and because of that it didn't take much from Josh Allen for the Bills to coast to victory.

But Headless Horsemen was keeping Monty in it. They should call him Michael PittCrewman because he got the brakes beaten off him by Pittsburgh which resulted in a modification of the Steel to add a new suspension. Zack Loss his job to Trey Sermon on the Mount and I know a few teams who are praying for Trey to come through in the semifinals this week which is harder to believe than the Bible. Dak finally sucked, which let's be honest he was due to suck and I don't have a pun because every year it's the same shit. Love the guy but prediiictable. And Breece Hall did the Oh No, We Suck Again meme in real time.

So it all came down to a MNF showdown that at one point was so close that I was starting to think of emergency plans for possible score corrections since I have to drop teams Tuesday morning for waivers.

Horsemen had taken a narrow lead with a DK catch late in the 4th. But giving the ball back to Philly, it seemed like Monty might be able to take this one home. Hurts completed a few passes but then threw a bonehead interception, just BARELY putting Horsemen in the lead. Seahawks went three-and-out though, and once again Jalen had the ball. This time, he scrambled twice for 8 total yards and a 1st, taking a 0.1 point advantage with just over 2 minutes remaining. Faced with a long third down, Jalen needed only to convert to ice the game for the Eagles and send Horsemen packing. Instead, he ran around in the back field for a while before throwing incomplete.

On the ensuing drive, DK Metcalf made like Seattle Seabiscuit and put the Horsemen on his back. Three catches, all amazing grabs, and the Hawks pulled the upset over the top team in the league while Headless pulled the upset over the top team in our league.

Monty left his namesake on the bench, with David scoring enough points to have slain Fauxliath. Sometimes, you have to stick with your guys and other times you can't. Austin was around for 11 games for Derek, but it was Montgomery who had produced consistently when healthy and Austin who had repeatedly been a letdown despite being the higher draft prospect. I say this knowing full well that I am facing Ekeler in two semifinals games this week and there is a 100% chance he drops 80 on me.

Meanwhile, I ask again. Tyreek Hill...cursed? Hill is headed for his 7th team in 2023 after lasting a single week on Monty's Python. Makes you think...

Anywho, another defending champion bites the dust.

Monty's Python:

## Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022 v 2023)

Monty is truly one of the great players in this league. Another solid season for the homie.

## Dead Money

Keeping track of all the cash that never got spent by teams that are now eliminated.

Dead Money 2023

As for the living, this was a huge out as he carried $49 in his purse.

## Top New Releases

1. Tyreek Hill (maybe)
2. Keenan Allen (maybe)
3. Josh Allen
4. Justin Jefferson
5. Jalen Hurts

## Week Fifteen Bidding Results

### Quick-Hit Thoughts

* Last Year's Most Expensive Player: Oddly enough I don't think I did a writeup for this week last season? Cannot find it anywhere. Not sure what happened.
* Henry just throwing his money around the club now. Obi scrounging the bargain bin.
* You know we are almost at the end of ths year when I don't even remember getting Tony Pollard. Had to check my bench..is he on there? Yeah guess so.
* Headless Horsemen with his puny $1 bid this week. Poor unfortunate soul.

## Excessive Spend

Excessive spend is anything over a single dollar more than the next highest bid for the player you won, and does not take into account the talent level or value of the player.

## Week Fifteen Results

Monty's Python finally bites the dust after trending down for weeks. Once close to 500 points ahead of Henry VIII, that lead had been cut in half by the time he played his final snap in 2023.

## Draft Dodgers

Three teams alive from three different parts of the draft.

## Kings of the Castle

### 1. Obi-Wan Mahomie

CMC is the gift that keeps on giving his holiday season. But this roster isn't without its coal. Stefon Diggs has been reindeer droppings of late, while Hockenson seems to be suffering the most from the change of QB in Minnesota. Mahomes finally got the hook, but Justin Fields confused his holidays and was seeing ghosts again vs. Cleveland. Still, this roster is built for a championship with more help on the way.

### 2. Henry VIII

Perhaps the most difficult decision of the year comes this week, as both of Henry's QBs will face off on Christmas night in a primetime showdown that could be what sends him home. Do you trust Lamar and Purdy in what could be a defensive slugfest? Or do you bench the guys that have gotten you this far? Maybe it won't matter. Kyren Williams is a league winner and this WR corp is tops in the league, with Brown, Chase, Amon-Ra, and Deebo all worthy of starts.

## On the Chopping Block

### 3. Headless Horsemen

Amazingly survived yet again with Jordan Love at QB and Zack Moss in the starting RB spot. Two players under 9 points and only two players over 20, one being the monster game from James Cook. Travis Kelce looking like Travis Shellce because he's a dead husk of his former self. One thing to say for Horsemen, he is hoarding all the QBs, so that could actually work to his advantage this week.

## Narrow Defeats

Margin of Defeat for Last Place Teams:

It looks close, but it was honestly even closer.

## Unique Players Started

How many unique players (Defense included) were started by each team. The table can be sorted by players and also by week eliminated.

Not a lot of movement this year from Monty but didn't really need a lot eitehr.

## Rulers of the Kingdom

2023 first place finishers:

Obi and Henry taking over the charts.

## Dungeon Dwellers

2023 teams that finished second-to-last, narrowly avoiding elimination:

## Single Season Scoring Records

As teams get eliminated, their single season performance will appear here. Bolded lines indicate performances from the current season.

Massive year for Monty. He has a top-6 score of all time and, as of now, the highest score ever for a team not playing in the championship game.

## All-Time Combined Points Scored

Same as above: eliminated teams will have their 2023 season added to the total. Bolded lines indicate that the record has been updated through 2023.

Monty moves into third all-time on the franchise scoring list. He will be surpassed by Obi-Wan Mahomie and settle into fourth by season's end. Still, a strong half-decade from the Python.