recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
Fizz Fudge

**Fizz Fudge** is a dog featured in Christmas Porno 4. He is the Rottweiler owned by Aunt Bobbie and Uncle Ariel. Bobbie and Ariel's niece Bella Ridley seems to adore Fizz Fudge and treat him like a baby, but he doesn't return her affections as he bites her.

## Notes

* Fizz Fudge is the third known pet in the *Belinda Blinked* series after Belinda Blumenthal's parrot and The Duchess' horse Toffee Apple Chew.
Countess Zara's Brothel

*Note: the title of this article is based on conjecture.*

The **"sketchy" brothel** owned by the Countess Zara is located in the Red Light District of Amsterdam. Grigor Calanski takes Belinda Blumenthal to the brothel during Book 2 after they meet at the Casino Étoile.

## Employees

* Countess Zara: Owner
* Maeve: prospective worker (but rejected)
George McIntosh

**George McIntosh** is an employee of Steele's Pots and Pans who works as the Production Director of the company's factory in Scotland. He gets involved with Bella Ridley alongside Neil MacDuff from quality control during the massive orgy at the factory during the Glee Team's visit during Book 4.

## Notes

* George is only mentioned once during the orgy scene when James Spooner arrives and the entire crowd participating in the orgy cheer for him, and is never seen again, alongside Neil.
Madeline Chocolat

Madeline Chocolat is a Belgian chocolate magnate in the Belinda Blinked series. Her company, jokingly referred to as Chocolat Chocolate, supplies fine bespoke chocolate desserts around Europe, out of its main office in Brussels.

Belinda meets Madeline Chocolat when she travels to Brussels to sign a deal with Alfonse Stirbacker. She is so taken with the chocolate dessert that they share that she asks Alfonse to introduce her to its maker. Alfonse reveals that Madeline Chocolat is a close friend of his, and asks Madeline to give them a tour around her chocolate factory.

Madeline greets them at her factory, and decides she wants Belinda all to herself. She leaves Alfonse behind, and takes Belinda to go swimming in a giant swimming pool filled with molten chocolate. They have sex in the pool, with Alfonse watching them on the security camera.

## Appearance

Madeline Chocolat is described as 'powerful, masculine-looking blond woman'.

## Personality

In line with her being 'powerful', Madeline takes what she wants and instinctively takes the lead in any social situation.

## Appearances

* Season 3 episode 7
* Season 5 episode 8 (*mentioned only*)
Epsom Hall

**Epsom Hall** is the official residence of the Duke and Duchess of Epsom in the *Belinda Blinked* series. Set at the end of a 2 mile long gravel driveway, the hall is a magnificent red-brick building, dating from Elizabethan times, surrounded on all sides by the world-famous countryside.

The house itself is a marvel of historical architecture: despite boasting an impressive dining room, a drawing room, and much more, the house nevertheless has no bedrooms, only chambers with beds in them. Some of these chambers even have antechambers, which house bathrooms. Perhaps one of the most astonishing features of the house, however, is its secret network of passageways and hidden rooms. The master bedroom, where the Duchess sleeps, is connected to one of the guest bedrooms by a secret boudoir connecting the rooms' ensuites, where the Duchess stores her private collection of dildos, sex toys, sexual jewellery, masks, rubber clothing, and hats.

## Appearances

* Season 3 episodes 2, 3
* Christmas Porno 5
Milvertus

The Prince of Chivalry, Milvertus is the Spirit of Linnath who counterbalances Septark. While also concerned with battle, Milvertus is a more idealized view of war; one of chivalry and honor, as opposed to power and bloodshed. These differences lead to a deep-seated rivalry between the two Spirits, which has lead even to physical battles between the two.

## General Info

### Patronage

The Lord of Knights, Prince of Chivalry, Lord of the Heavenly Lances

## Personal Info

### Appearance

A young knight fully clad in ornate armor

## Appearance

Milvertus is depicted and imitated heavily in his temples and royal courts, especially in Bourlés. Although his exact appearance differs, he is always young, attractive, and ready for battle; although his armor is often too ornate for practical combat and he is almost never actually shown fighting.

Milvertus's rose, which is usually white with golden edges, is always in art dedicated to him, sometimes more subtly than others.

## Powers

Milvertus is a skilled fighter, but rarely does any fighting. When he does, however, it is said that any weapon or armor he uses is never sullied, and takes on a new appearance with more gilding and colour.

Milvertus can also freeze the wicked with a glance, and his mere presence makes deception impossible.

## Church and Servants

Located primarily in Bourlés, Milvertus's church has been recently degrading due to the corruption taking over the country. With nepotism running rampant in the hierarchy, the clergy is overcrowded with inexperienced, impious men seeking power.

The clergy of Milvertus wear armor during services, even if they have never fought a day in their lives. Young men go to temples of Milvertus, regardless of class. Noble men go to learn social customs such as dancing and courtship, while peasant boys go to become great champions for the Spirits and Katelikessar.
Digby Dodd

**Digby Dodd** is a character in the *Belinda Blinked* books. He is the co-pilot of Hazel working in the cockpit of Belinda Blumenthal and Bella Ridley's flight to Australia.

## Personality

Dodd is quite a gruff man and gets irritated when Belinda asks what it's like as a man to work under Hazel, accusing her of sexism. He also apparently has knowledge of her, probably from Hazel. Hazel also implies that she and him had had sex before their threesome with Belinda.

## Appearance

Digby is known to have a larger than average, veiny penis, which Rocky describes as a "slinky" and Belinda is delighted at its size. He is apparently able to move it up, down, left, right and all about during sex.
Buster Broomfinger

**Buster Broomfinger** is a character that appears in the fifth Christmas Porno. In the alternate timeline Belinda explores during this chapter, Buster is the man the Duchess married after Duke Clarence divorced her. It is known that the marriage was sexless, causing Belinda to cry out in sadness when James Spooner's ghost told her.

Never actually appearing in person, the closest the reader gets to seeing Buster is when Belinda hears his footsteps on the floor above in the Duchess's house.

## Notes

* Buster and the Duchess live together in a house that has the number 69.
Monty Jim the Pizza Boy

**Monty Jim** is a character in the Belinda Blinked books. He is a 19-year-old pizza delivery boy for the company Just Meat and delivers Belinda a pizza with a hidden message from Señor Zip inside in HS2, getting more than he bargained for in return.

## Appearance

Monty is described by Rocky as blonde as a European beer, young as Febreeze and horny as a ram goat in Ouestrus with steam coming from his crotch. He is also described as gormless and greasy, and despite his age, he is no slouch in the bedroom (or rather the living room) with Belinda. He is dressed in overalls and a chef's hat.

## Notes

* Much like Sam the Youngish Man, Monty Jim is usually referred to with the epithet Monty Jim the Pizza Boy.
The Globe Theatre

**The Globe Theatre** (officially **Shakespeare's Globe**) is a reconstruction of the Elizabethan playhouse The Globe which William Shakespeare wrote his plays for, located in The London Borough of Southwark. The theatre opened in 1997 and mostly follows the outline and style of the original. Alongside the likes of Westminster Abbey and the O2 it is one of the real-world locations featured in the *Belinda Blinked* series.

The theatre is featured in Christmas Porno 6 as the location of the world premiere of the Steele's Pots and Pans pantomime *Cinderella the Intern*, directed and written by and starring Belinda Blumenthal. The theatre apparently uses beatboxes for its sound system and, unlike its real-world equivalent, has a ceiling from which fake snow falls at the conclusion of the performance. It also has a royal box at the very back of the theatre.

Mavis, the Cue Mistress, is a known employee of the Globe.
Me'ow

Worshiped by the tabaxi in their desert nation of Mitzhat’ow, Me’ow is actually a powerful fiend intent on corrupting the feline race. He promises martial prowess to his followers, though with the understanding that this is to be used in order to make life easier. The most common vice among the tabaxi is sloth, and Me’ow feeds on this, giving a hedonistic paradise to those willing to take it from the less fortunate around them.

## Appearance

Me’ow is depicted as a tabaxi fattened by glutton. He is always drinking, eating, or smoking, and reclining on overstuffed cushions. Pleasure is the constant motif, as it is the goal of every follower of Me’ow to join his bacchanalian party to enjoy for all eternity.

## Powers

Though he is never shown as such, it is said that Me’ow is an expert warrior, capable of ending any fight fast enough to not be late to his next meal. He also has various powers over rest and relaxation, enhancing the benefits gained from sleep. This power happens to expand into the “benefits” of drugs and alcohol.

Me’ow is powerful enough to become the patron of a warlock, but lacks the potency to have true clerics.

## Church & Servants

The church of Me’ow is one of hedonism. All soldiers are brought into the church, in order to give them Me’ow’s blessing. Their fighting, however, is always seen as a temporary assault against those forces threatening the comfort of their people.

The true worship of Me’ow happens within the comfort of Mitzhat’ow’s cities, with worship “services” consisting of parties overflowing with enough luxury and pleasure to make a priest of Jubilus blush. Me’ow’s true goal is to take away his followers’ desire to improve, so his worship seeks to show his people that they have everything they need. Priests and priestesses run these parties and make sure that everyone enjoys themselves too much to do much else.
Norman Togui

**Norman Togui** (pronounced Togwee) is one of the people Belinda lists as a reference in the CV she applied to Steele's Pots and Pans with. Aside from his name, the only information about him is that he works at the University of London Business School, so he was probably one of her professors.

## Notes

* Togui has only been mentioned in Footnotes when Jamie, James and Alice went through Belinda's CV and has not actually been featured in the Belinda Blinked books as of yet.
Lockdown Quiz

On May 4th 2020, during the COVID-19 lockdown, the porno team hosted a Belinda Blinked trivia night via a Facebook Livestream. Lasting about two hours, it consisted of 5 categories of 10 questions each, these being Names, Numbers, Nookie, Rocky, and Whattie.

"**Names**" involved remembering names of people and places, such as the names of the ranchhands at the Lazy P ranch, and the name of the shop where Belinda and Bella got their horse-riding outfits.

"**Numbers**" involved remembering numbers mentioned in the books: sales figures, capacity of the O2, salaries, etc.

"**Nookie**" involved demonstrating knowledge of various sex acts in the books (e.g: describing the Hump and Skunk)

"**Rocky**" was a list of questions Jamie asked to Rocky ABOUT Belinda, and Rocky provided answers on her behalf. The goal of these questions was to guess what Belinda's answers were. This makes this category arguably the most interesting, since all these answers are canon (or as canon as anything is in these books). The never-before-seen, forbidden knowledge is given here:

1) Belinda’s greatest fear is “Hiring another Key Account Manager like Bella”

2) She lost her virginity at 21

3) In the movie of her life, Belinda would want to be played by Hailee Steinfeld

4) If she could change one thing about her body, it’d be “the size of her breasts” (unclear what exactly she would change about them)

5) Her favourite sexual position is 69ing

6) Her favourite body part is “her big toe”

7) Her dream holiday destination is Liverpool

8) Her favourite food is apparently the blue cheese fish mousse

9) Favourite movie: The Wolf of Wall Street

and 10) the one song that’s GUARANTEED to get her on the dance floor is No TIme to Die by Billie Eilish

"**Whattie**" consisted of Jamie reading aloud a passage of dialogue from the book, in the voice of a different character. For each question, the answer had to include both the character who originally said the line, as well as the person whose voice Jamie was using.
Forster's of Knightsbridge

## Forster's

Samantha (assistant salesperson)

Forster's of Knightsbridge is a high-class clothing shop in Book 2 of the Belinda Blinked series, specialising in horseriding clothes.

Forster's main demographic is the upper class, and get a lot of young aristocratic customers. The Duchess is a regular customer, and per her recommendation Belinda and Bella go there to buy their horseriding outfits.

## Employees

* Cedric mans the front desk on the ground floor
* Adaam is a salesperson who serves customers in the Lady's Riding Area
* Samantha is an assistant salesperson, who assists Adaam by writing down measurements and carrying garments
Ahnwyndis Vaellara

Ahnwyndis Vaellara is one of the few recorded children of the Linnathian Spirits, the eldest daughter of Arvaella. An accomplished cleric as well as a mage, she is the founder of the Magical School of Eldenwaythe; which vanished along with Ahnwyndis a few years before the Sancterram Conquest. She is considered less powerful than her sister Tellia, though she had played a more active role in the affairs of lesser races.

## History

Born at the Dawn of Time as one of the first acts of Arvaella, to Ahnwyndis was given all the powers of the magical school of Enchantment that ever were, are, or will be in Linnath. It is said that she is also the daughter of Massea, being the most beautiful elf to ever grace the face of the earth, and even without the use of magic she is said to be able to charm all but the most cold of hearts.

Her raiment is lavish and beautiful, made of the finest and smoothest of silks. It is said that the hem of the least of her garments is worth more than the entire treasury of all the richest merchants in Savice put together. When a pair of her shoes was found after the Sancterram Conquest they became one of the most sought after items in the realm for their beauty, and wars were fought between many Wizarding Guilds and Noble Houses to claim possession of them.

Though undoubtedly intelligent, Ahnwyndis lacked the wisdom of her younger sister, allowing  her love of material things and pleasures to guide many of the decisions she made. Indeed it was only because of her affair with Vaylair that he found himself at the head of Fahrzemmar, Ahnwyndis wanting someone “nice to look at” while sitting at the Wizard’s Council. Her affairs are almost legendary in Linnath, and it’s said she kept a harem of enchanted consorts until Tellia convinced her to let them go.

After the Age of Katelikessar she was revealed as a Chosen of Massea, serving as Massea’s High Priestess for nearly a century before passing the title on to its next bearer.

Despite their differences, the sisters bore a great love for each other. Tellia was the only one who could convince Ahnwyndis to change her mind once the Enchantress set on a course of action. It is said that she and her school vanished a few years before the Sancterram Conquest after heeding Tellia’s warnings about the upcoming destruction.

## Impact

Ahnwyndis received a great deal of praise for the work she and her sister did to found the schools of magic, and she is doubly loved amongst the men of the realm, though her conquests mean she is often distrusted and not as well loved by wives and maidens.

It is said that her children, of which there are many, went on to become some of the most powerful wizards in history, many would take the reigns leading other Schools of Magic after the death of their founders.

## Interesting Facts

- The first High Priestess of Massea, Ahnwyndis is worshipped as one of the most blessed in the Massean Church.

- It is said that Ahnwyndis has borne over a hundred children throughout her life.

- She is the most beautiful elf to have ever graced the earth.

- It is said that just the sound of her voice can put people into a charmed state.
Dr Veronica Stud

Dr Veronica Stud is a recurring character in the Belinda Blinked books starting from Book 5. She is introduced as the doctor caring for Bella Ridley after the bombing of Steele's Pots and Pans.

She doesn't appear to be the most competent doctor in the NHS, given that she has sex next to comatose patients, and discharges her patients as soon as they appear superficially healthy.

## Appearances

* Season 5 episode 2
* Christmas Porno 5
Sydney

Sydney is the PA to Jim Stirling. Belinda and Bella meet her in Texas, when she gives them their itineraries for the next few days.

## Appearance

ydney is described as being extremely pretty and petite, and a stunner when she takes off her work clothes. She also speaks with a thick southern American accent, which the Porno Team compares to Doris Day.
Regional Sales Managers

The **Regional Sales Managers**, or RSM’s for short, are a group of four sales executives at Steele's Pots and Pans. They work under the supervision of the International Sales Director, Belinda Blumenthal, and oversee sales in four regions of the UK and Ireland. Prior to Book 6, they were:

* Ken Dewsbury (Central and Northern England)
* Des Martin (London and the South-East; or 'London and Home Counties')
* Patrick O'Hamlyn (Scotland and Ireland)
* Dave Wilcox (Western Areas)

In Book 6, Des Martin became the company's Managing Director. It is unknown who replaced him as RSM. Their facilitator is Jim Thompson, whom Belinda often speaks to over the phone to arrange RSM meetings.

The RSMs are all introduced in quick succession in S1E3 "The Regional Sales Meeting", after which they aren't seen together until S4E9 "Boy, She Can Can". They all become members of the Confidential Order of Cookware Knights, or C.O.C.K’s, at the end of Book 4, and after the bombing of Steele's Pots and Pans, live together in the safe house. After hearing from the Duchess that Belinda and Bella have been captured in Australia, they all rush over to help free them, and assist in fighting off Herr Bisch and his goons.

It is unclear which RSMs are in charge of Wales and East Anglia, although they may be classed by Steele's as part of the West and South East respectively. It is also somewhat unclear whether the West Midlands belongs to Ken Dewsbury (as part of Central England) or Dave Wilcox (as part of 'the West').

## Appearances

**All together:**

* Season 1 episode 3
* Season 4 episode 9
* Season 5 episode 13
* Season 6 episode 5 (first appearance without Des), 6, 10
* Christmas Porno 1
* Belinda Blinked: The Lost Chapter. Team Building with the Regional Sales Managers;

**Des Martin:**

* Season 2 episode 9
* Season 3 episodes 13, 14
* Season 4 episodes 5, 13
* Season 5 episodes 1, 2
* Season 6 episode 1, 10
* Christmas Porno 3, 5

**Dave Wilcox:**

* N/A (always appears with the other RSMs)

**Patrick O'Hamlyn:**

* N/A (always appears with the other RSMs)

**Ken Dewsbury:**

* Season 3 episodes 9, 10
* Season 6 episodes 5, 10
* Christmas Porno 5
Races

The majority of people living in Linnath are humans, and their nations have taken up the most land as of today. Before them, however, the elves were the dominant race in the land. After the Great War, these people were oppressed by the humans, and have faced persecution ever since. The third most prominent race in Linnath are the dwarves, hailing from the Blue Mountains, and the Hammer Peaks from there -- even further west.

To the north, from the Moon Isles, come the dragonborn native to the islands, and the tieflings (though there have been reports of the race popping up within human families). In the south lie the Wilds, the home of the semi-nomadic halflings, and the enigmatic gnomes.

The oceans are home to the reclusive tritons, while far in the east lies the tabaxi nation in the depths of Raevumil's Hourglass.

Monstrous races pepper the land, ranging from goblins, to orcs, to kobolds, and beyond.

Finally, there are the extremely scarce aasimar and genasi, who have exotic roots further flung than any nation -- as strange as tieflings, but far more rare.
Jane

**Jane** is a character featured in Christmas Porno 5. She is the wife of Tony Sylvester in an alternate universe where Belinda Blumenthal never existed, and had "two kids, a dog and a nice house in Twickenham" with him.

## Notes

* Alongside Buster Broomfinger, husband of The Duchess in Christmas Porno 5, Jane is one of two characters to never appear outside of the alternate universe of the short story as they are replaced as spouses in the regular timeline by Duke Clarence of Epsom and Giselle Sylvester respectively.
* It is also mentioned that as Jane married Tony instead of Giselle in the alternate reality, Giselle became a spinster and eventually settled down and married a woman.
Rocky Flintstone

*"Rocky likes to write in the sun and with a glass of wine in his hand. Nothing makes him feel more at home. Based between Brazil and Marbella Spain he gets to grips with his stories, bringing them to print for his loyal readers. Belinda Blinked 1 is his first novel of the series and Rocky has just completed his second, Belinda Blinked 2 with a publication date of 4th July 2016. Rocky also has well advanced scripts of Belinda Blinked 3, expected publication date late 2016 or early 2017*

STOP PRESS. Belinda Blinked 1; has been picked up by some London media types and is being distributed as a podcast starting October 2015. Over 2.5 million downloads have made it a unique success.

Why not buy the book and read along with the verbals?' find it on iTunes under "my dad wrote a porno" Follow the buzz on twitter or visit Rocky on twitter @FlintstoneRocky There is also a website www.BelindaBlinked.com and www.RockyFlintstone.com" - His Biograpghy

Rocky Flintstone (Pen Name) is the genius behind Belinda Blinked. He worked as a salesman for many years and now retires to his desk to write his masterpieces. His son (Jamie Morton) and his good chums (Alice Levine and James Cooper) made a podcast, reading through the first book and "annotating" it.

Sources: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Belinda-Blinked-passion-business-removing-ebook/dp/B00UO7WOAS/ref=sr\_1\_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1469181692&sr=8-1&keywords=belinda+blinked
Lazy P Ranch

The **Lazy P Ranch** is a ranch owned by Texan businessman Jim Stirling which he takes Belinda and Bella to alongside his Chief Executive Hank Skank and PA Sydney after sealing the deal between Stirling's corporation and Steele's Pots and Pans in order to enjoy a relaxing afternoon together. The ranch is known to contain a barbecue as Belinda and company enjoy barbecued steaks before Jim and his colleagues returned to their head offices for a treasury meeting.

## Notes

* The name "Lazy P Ranch" may have been a hint from Rocky to the nature of Belinda's visit there - to relax.
Hank Skank

Hank Skank is a character from Book 2 of the Belinda Blinked books. He is the Chief Executive of Jim Stirling's organisation, based in Texas.

## Appearance

Hank Skank is a second-generation immigrant of Swedish descent, and as such is blond-haired and blue-eyed, with a lean stature. However, he has the voice of an 80-year-old American farmer.

## Personality

Hank Skank is a fearless businessman, apparently having no problem telling his boss to stick his ass if a wrong decision is being made.

He also has a unique sexual fascination with food, seemingly incorporating it into all his sexploits (he dribbles spaghetti sauce over Belinda's body before he goes down on her in a restaurant, he snacks on some salami while having sex with her in her room, and he considers the word 'waffle' as being dirty talk).
Trixie Forward

**Trixie Forward** is an alias for Maeve in the *Belinda Blinked* books. Introduced in Saucy Pans and Cheeky Woks in Belinda Blinked 6, she is an Australian businesswoman who works as a high-quality buyer for bed-and-breakfast businesses along the Bush, including Boona Knob, where she originates from. According to herself, she has worked in "the biz" for 30 years.She and Belinda Blumenthal get to know each other during the Pots and Pan-Pacific Cooking Conference in Australia, and she ends up buying 8000 units of various Steele's Pots and Pans products before getting to know Belinda better in her hotel room later that evening.

In a surprise reveal, Trixie is shown to actually be Agent XYZ in disguise. She takes off her mask in secret, after extracting some useful information about the location of the Tri-Oxy Brillo blueprints from a post-coital Belinda. In "Hush, Little Belinda, Don't You Cry", it is revealed that Agent XYZ was Steele's Pots and Pans's own Maeve.

## Appearance

Rocky Flintstone describes her face as glamorous and her pussy as muggy.
Scottish Man

The Scottish Man is a side character seen in the second Christmas Porno of the Belinda Blinked saga. He greets Belinda Blumenthal, the Duchess, and Chiara Montague on their ski trip in the Scottish Cairngorms. He runs a bothie up in the snowy slopes, where he offers "a heelthy cohllection of staunchy fuds to layn the stoomach and keep the bordy weel insulated, lassieeeeees". His bothie also boasts a roaring bonfire and a collection of fake-fur rugs which he lends to people passing through.

When the three women have sex in his bothie, it's unclear whether he joins in or not.
The Horse and Jockey

The Horse and Jockey is a country inn in Oxfordshire, where Belinda spends a night of sexual excitement.

## Staff

* Sam the Youngish Man: (former) night receptionist, morning breakfast server

## Story Events

* Belinda meets up with Peter Rouse in the lobby, and has sex with while performing to the security camera above them. They finish the sexual tryst up in her room.
* Belinda has sex with Sam the Youngish Man in her room.
Boozer's

*Note: the title of this article is based on conjecture.*

The **"boozer's"** featured in Christmas Porno 4 is both a bar in East London owned and operated by Arty Ridley and the family home of the Ridley clan, including Bella Ridley, and is where Bella invites Belinda Blumenthal to spend Christmas with her family. It apparently has a large car park.

## Description

The ground floor of the boozer's is a typical English pub with wood panelling, nice carpets and, of course, a bar which is operated by Bella's father Arty. It also contains a kitchen where Gloria cooks for the family as well as potentially customers, and a large window through which their lonely neighbour Norm can spy on Bella. Upstairs are the bedrooms of the Ridley family as it transforms into their family home, with the stairs containing baby pictures of Bella and her other family members.

## Staff

* Arty Ridley: Owner and Barman
* Gloria Ridley (possibly): Cook
Buckley's

**Buckley's** is an underground tavern in London visited by Belinda, the Duchess and the Contessa Lucia Lorenzo after they spend time drinking at the Ritz. It contains a vast network of secret corridors and rooms, one of them being a middle eastern-themed palace-style room separated from the main bar by a boulder and a curtain, where they have a sexual encounter with the owner of the tavern, Zachariah.

## Patrons

* The Duchess
* Belinda Blumenthal
* Contessa Lucia Lorenzo
* Unidentified "muscle boy body-builder with a tiny pee-head" (who has sex with the Duchess)

## Notes

* Buckley's is known for housing the elusive and well-known Tamarix flute which Zachariah operates to blow smoke up Belinda and Lucia's asses.
Giles Cottonsbirth

**Giles Cottonsbirth** is a lobbyist and an expert in product research in the pots and pans industry. Introduced in Book 6 ('Back to Basics'), Giles hails from Wales. He has a meeting with Tony Sylvester, since he has had trouble getting customer feedback for a recent 'soggy veg product', and hopes a company like Steele's Pots and Pans can help with getting some focus groups together. Tony tasks Belinda with helping him.

Giles is also an old schoolfriend of Giselle Maarschalkerveerd de Klotz, and asks if Belinda has seen her lately. Belinda, in a staggering display of intuition, smells a rat with Giles Cottonsbirth, and claims to have not heard from her in ages. Awkwardly, the next moment, Giselle exits the payroll room right in front of them. Upon seeing her, Giles unmasks himself as George Sylvester, and whips out a slice knife and a gun to murder Giselle.

Before Belinda can make a citizen's arrest, George is shot dead by Agent XYZ.

## Appearance

Giles Cottonsbirth is an elderly man with a limp.

## Notes

* Upon hearing Jamie's attempt at a Welsh accent, Alice mutters that their friendship with Michael Sheen is over. This is surely because Jamie's first attempt sounds more like Gerramima St Frostfirst than an elderly Welsh man.
The Asses and Donkeys Trust

**The Asses and Donkeys Trust** is a charitable foundation dedicated to the care and treatment of asses, donkeys, and other quadruped beasts of burden. Its main patron is Sir James Godwin, who hosts a major fundraising event for the trust in conjunction with Steele's Pots and Pans.

The fundraising consisted of a charity tombola, held at a medium sized hedge maze in Sir James' Windsor estate. It featured the auctioning off of several mid-level employees of Steele's Pots and Pans (including Belinda Blumenthal, Bella Ridley and Giselle Sylvester) to be sexual servants of the winners, such as the Duchess, for a period of twelve hours. The last auction raised a total of 850 pounds sterling. Many asses were appreciative of the efforts.

Apparently since the 1970s the Steele's London office has put on an annual pantomime to raise funds for the trust, and in Christmas Porno 6 Belinda writes and directs *Cinderella the Intern* which is performed at the Globe Theatre.

## Appearances

* Season 1 episode 7
* Christmas Porno 6 *(mentioned)*
Costa del Sol

Main strip of Torremolinos, Costa del Sol

The Costa del Sol (Sun Coast) is a region in Southern Spain. It's got many resorts towns, and is a world-famous tourist destination.

The region receives weekly editions of the Guardian magazine, but due to it being a foreign location, it gets them a day later than the UK. The magazines are also delivered in an old 1950's de Havilland transport plane.

## Torremolinos

Torremolinos is a resort town on the Costa del Sol. Thanks to its glorious weather, it's especially popular with British and Scandinavian tourists.

## Story Events

* The main strip of Torremolinos is the location of Giselle's hen do. The Glee Team and Hazel get off their faces drunk, and have fun taking the virginity of a young Swedish tourist, Butch The Sunburnt Kid. The strip is also where The Glee Team's signature chant was first introduced: "*We're The Glee Team! Come and get us!*"
* Quince, the Spanish backpacker Belinda Blumenthal and Bella Ridley encounter in Australia, claims to be from the Costa del Sol.

## Characters

* Butch the Sunburnt Kid
* Miguel: the waiter that served the hens at the Imperial Hotel and Sun Resort. He was happy to remove their shirts and fondle their breasts, but unfortunately didn't have the appropriate company-mandated training to go below their belly buttons.
* Quince
* Hazel
* Belinda Blumenthal
* Bella Ridley
* Giselle Sylvester
My Dad Wrote a Porno

***My Dad Wrote a Porno*** is a comedy podcast produced by the Acast network and hosted by Team Porno, consisting of Jamie Morton, James Cooper and Alice Levine, which debuted in 2015 and ran until 2022. The podcast sees the hosts reading and providing commentary on the *Belinda Blinked* erotica series written by Morton's father, Rocky Flintstone. So far the podcast has run for six seasons including six Christmas specials titled *My Dad Wrote a Christmas Porno*. The hosts have also toured the world reading "lost chapters" of *Belinda Blinked* and their first tour became a 2019 HBO special also called *My Dad Wrote a Porno* which Morton, Cooper, Levine and Flintstone executive produced.

In November 2022 it was announced that the podcast would be brought to an end with a two-part finale airing on 28 November and 5 December with an interview with Rocky Flintstone himself being the final episode broadcast on 12 December 2022.
Adaam

Adaam is an employee at Forster's of Knightsbridge. He appears in Belinda Blinked 2 of the Belinda Blinked saga, and helps Belinda Blumenthal and Bella Ridley buy their horseriding gear. The unusual spelling of his name is never addressed, and it's likely this was a choice made by Rocky Flintstone to make him sound more posh.

## Appearance

When Adaam is introduced, he is wearing the uniform of the sales assistants of Forster's of Knightsbridge: red molehair jacket, white jodhpurs, white shirt, black leather riding boots, hose, and black thong with red frills.

## Biography

Belinda and Bella go to Forster's of Knightsbridge on a Saturday morning, intent on buying some horseriding gear. They are greeted at the front desk by Cedric, who escorts them upstairs to be served by Adaam. The two women make their clothing selections, and Adaam leaves briefly to get his measuring tape, and returns with his assistant, Samantha. Adaam then measures Bella and then Belinda. While measuring Belinda, he tells her that her clothes are confusing his measurements, and asks her to remove her clothes one by one.

He sends Samantha to fetch the outfits, and makes conversation with Belinda and Bella. When he tells them that their choice of riding thong is unusual, Bella asks to see his thong. He dutifully strips off his jodhpurs. Belinda then asks to see his hose, and helps him take off his riding boots. Bella and Belinda both sniff his hose: Bella remarks on how good it smells, and Belinda can smell whiskey and seaweed. Adaam is embarrassed, since he was unaware that it was so obvious that he had been drinking with his friends the day before.

The women then decide to get him out of his jacket and shirt, and ask him why the jackets are so expensive. Adaam explains that the production is very expensive, since the jackets are made of molehair (which seems to be what Adaam calls mole fur), which then needs to be dyed. He explains that although they're expensive, the jackets will never fade or crease, and will last a century. He passes his jacket to Bella, who rudely throws it to the corner. Belinda unbuttons his shirt, and Bella throws it in the same direction as the jacket. Lastly, Belinda pulls down his thong.

Belinda starts giving Adaam a blowjob, and he kisses Bella, who finally takes off her clothes. Adaam falls onto the couch, Bella straddles him, and Belinda prepares to start licking his feet. The sex ends about 30 seconds after it started, when Samantha reenters with the clothes. Adaam stands back up, forcing Bella to fall off him, and Adaam thanks them both for waiting. He dresses them, and thinks to himself how his dress skills will make the English aristocracy adore Belinda.

## Appearances

* Season 2 episodes 11, 12
* The Finale Part 2 (mentioned)

## Notes

* On Adaam's hose, Belinda can smell Bushmills whiskey, from a brewery on the North Antrim Coast.
* In the Finale Part 2, Bella mentioned Adaam's red London bus cock.
The Schweinsteigers

Hans and Greta Schweinsteigers are German twins that run a rag-and-bone business (meaning they collect unwanted goods and sell them on to retailers).

Des Martin appears to be old friends with Hans Schweinsteiger, and introduces Belinda Blumenthal to the Schweinsteigers as potential clients. This creative business thinking impresses Belinda a great deal. When Des and Belinda visit the Schweinsteiger warehouse, Hans takes Des to peek at some of Bisch's newest products, leaving Belinda and Greta to get it on with some of the merchandise.

## Appearance

Hans Schweinsteiger is a biggish man, with hands for days.

Greta Schweinsteiger is tall, slim, dark-haired, and drop-dead gorgeous. However, her voice is slightly painful to listen to.

## Notes

* Hans and Greta's names are a very unsubtle reference to Hansel and Gretel.
The Hunt's Girls

2 unnamed women

The Hunt's Girls are a performing group of strippers that are hired for the Steele's Pots and Pans Christmas Party. The group consists of 4 women. They have a signature look, which is for all the women to be dressed in horseriding gear at the start of the performance.

At the Christmas Party, the Hunt's Girls team up with Belinda, Bella and Giselle to put on a striptease routine.

## Appearance

The group dresses in riding gear at the start of their performances (ie red jackets, white jodhpurs and shirts, long black boots).

None of their ages are given, but their names make them sound quite old, and the common belief is that they are octogenarians.

## Members

Out of the group, only two members are named, and have quite old-fashioned names:

* Doris
* Joan
* 2 unnamed women
Mistress Sweetjuice

**Mistress Sweetjuice** is a French performer at the Moulin Marron in Paris, a sexy show venue that Penelope Pollet takes Belinda Blumenthal to. Sweetjuice is a world-renowned feeder (the sexual kind) and incorporates a lot of food into her sexy performances. She flies over to London during the events of Christmas Porno 6 to assist Belinda and The Duchess with judging the auditions for the Steele's Pots and Pans Christmas pantomime.

## Appearance

Mistress Sweetjuice is a larger woman (described by Rocky as "rotund" and "bubbly"), and apparently looks like a "yummy, scrummy, wrecking ball of a woman". Her voice is very deep, in keeping with her role as a dominant.

## Personality

Mistress Sweetjuice has a lot of showy flair, as proven by the fact that as part of her set she descended from the ceiling hidden inside a ball of over a thousand balloons. In sexual situations, she is very dominant and demands absolute obedience, wearing a dog collar and wielding a marshmallow whip.

## Appearances

* Season 4 episodes 9, 10
* Christmas Porno 6
* Finale Part 1 *(mentioned)*
Samantha

Samantha is a sales assistant at Forster's of Knightsbridge. She helps serve Belinda Blumenthal and Bella Ridley by going to the stockroom to fetch the correct clothes.

Throughout all her appearances, she has only one word of dialogue (which is "Hello."), and is only referenced in a few sentences. It's fairly likely she was only introduced as a character to give her colleague Adaam an excuse to have sex with Belinda and Bella while they're waiting for the clothes to arrive.

## Personality

Samantha appears to be shy and softly-spoken. When she walks in on her work superior having sex in the shop with two customers, she doesn't make any fuss at all, meaning that she either doesn't care about it, or that she does care but doesn't want to rock the boat.

The Porno team generally imagines her to be a young woman who just wants to make it through the work day, without making any kind of unnecessary trouble.
Fivecar

**Fivecar** is a French hypermarket chain and a client company of Steele's Pots and Pans who stocks their kitchenware in their various branches. Their head offices are located in Paris.

## Locations

* Head Offices in Paris (including the office of the Purchasing Director)

## Notes

* Fivecar is Rocky's rip-off version of the real-life French supermarket chain Carrefour.
Jail Man

The individual known as **"Jail Man"** works in the clink of the secret hideaway operated by George and Giselle Sylvester when they capture Belinda Blumenthal and Bella Ridley.

## Appearance and Personality

Jail Man is known to have rather bad breath and talks too much, noting after he is mesmerised by Belinda and Bella's crab-like scissoring that it was the longest he had been quiet since July 1974. He also seems to have a large penis, with Belinda calling it a "thick courgette" and a "fat little helper". He has a 'typical' Aussie accent and knows a lot of Australian slang, as he calls Belinda and Bella a "gorgeous couple of Sheilas", leading Belinda and Bella to call each other Sheila in an attempt to turn him on. However, Jail Main seems to be a lot more capable than literally anybody else in the *Belinda Blinked* books as he immediately shuts James Spooner in the jail cell when he swoops into the cell to rescue Belinda and Bella.

He seems to have odd sexual tastes as he uses the bars of the clink and a book called *The Big Book of Clink Procedures* to masturbate. He also completely ignores the fight between Bisch-Herstellung and the members of COCK, choosing instead to slurp his "spicy water noodles".

## Notes

* Jail Man became popular among Team Porno after his first appearance as one of the only remotely capable characters in the books.
Monty

**Monty** is a character in the *Belinda Blinked* books. A former employee of Steele's Pots and Pans, he remained on their payroll and was brought back into service by James Spooner, serving as the Anciently Housemaster of the Keys charged with protecting the company's safehouse for the members of the Confidential Order of Cookware Knights following the explosion in the Steele's car park. Upon arrival outside the safehouse, Steele's International Sales Director Belinda Blumenthal gave him a blowjob in the middle of the street.
Peter Rouse's Supermarket Chain

Christina Rouse (Receptionist/information flow to Peter)

*Note: the name of this article is based on conjecture.*

The **supermarket chain owned by Peter Rouse** is a client company of Steele's Pots and Pans based in Belgium and the Netherlands, stocking their kitchenware in their various branches throughout Europe. The International Sales Director of Steele's, Belinda Blumenthal, has had numerous run-ins with the executives of the company including its CEO, Peter Rouse, in the Belinda Blinked books. The company's headquarters, including the offices of the CEO and Purchasing Director, are located in Amsterdam.

According to receptionist Christina, the chain is prone to occasional terrorist attacks.

## Employees

### Senior Management

* Peter Rouse: Owner and CEO
* Dr Pietr Robbins: Purchasing Director (secretly a fugitive of the American government named Wayne Bert being investigated by his assistant Helga Jonker, an undercover FBI agent)

### Other employees

* Helga Jonker: Secretary to the Purchasing Director (secretly an FBI agent in deep cover investigating Wayne Bert, an American fugitive and the secret identity of Dr Robbins)
* Christina Rouse: receptionist, and also in charge of information flow (basically, Peter Rouse's eyes and ears into his organisation)

## Appearances

* Season 2 episode 2-5 (at company headquarters)
* Season 4 episode 3 (at the Maarschalkerweerd de Klotz/Sylvester wedding)

## Trivia

* All known employees of the supermarket chain attended the wedding of Tony and Giselle Sylvester at the beginning of Book 4.
Broadcast Studio Television Complex

The **Broadcast Studio Television Complex** is a television studio in Australia housing the sets for a variety of television programmes, including *The Cooking with Cosmo Show* hosted by Cosmo Macaroon.

## Story

Belinda Blumenthal and Bella Ridley visit the Broadcast Studio Television Complex to convince Cosmo to sign a product placement deal for his show with Steele's Pots and Pans' Oxy-Brillo range after his agent Cornelius Kettle refuses to allow a meeting. They break into his dressing room but after Bella reveals herself as the chairwoman of Cosmo's fanclub, they have sex and he agrees to sign the deal.
Gladys

**Gladys** is a canteen worker at Steele's Pots and Pans. She is mentioned as a possible suspect for the true identity of the secretive the Special One, but as Giselle Sylvester has since been revealed as the true woman behind the mask she is no longer under suspicion.

## Notes

* As it is not mentioned how long Gladys as worked in the company canteen, Alice joked that Gladys had actually worked at Steele's for "150 years" but had never received any recognition up to this point.
* Alongside Maeve, **Gladys** is one of the few Steele's employees that is not known to have attended the wedding of Tony and Giselle.
Belinda's Hometown

Belinda's hometown is a small town in Kent, in the southeast corner of England. In the Belinda Blinked books, it's the town where Belinda Blumenthal grew up, and where her parents and her old schoolfriend Clint currently live. After a couple mentions in earlier books, the town finally appears in Book 6, though remained unnamed.

The town has a bike shed behind the village centre (where the local youths spend their free time), a cabaret bar (where Mrs Blumenthal was formerly employed), and an area with shipping containers repurposed into living quarters and offices. It also has, or at least, used to have, a small primary school where Belinda started her education.

## Characters Who Live There

* Clint
* Mrs Blumenthal
* Mr Blumenthal

## Appearances

* Season 3 episode 6 (*mentioned*)
* Season 6 episode 6
Geramima St Frostfirst

**Geramima St. Frostfirst** is a character in the *Belinda Blinked* books. She is an Acting Mistress at the Royal Academy of Drama and Stuff (RADS) whom Belinda visits to gain spy skills preceding her visit to East Berlin with James Spooner. She has a Liverpudlian accent.

She reappeared in Christmas Porno 6 as an attendee of the Steele's Pots and Pans pantomime where she cried that Belinda deserved an Oscar "for the love of Cilla" for her performance in Cinderella the Intern.

## Personality

Geramima is presented as quite a cheerful woman with an obvious talent for acting. However, she is duped by Belinda's seductive acting performance so maybe her skills aren't what they used to be, before the economic crash of Black Wednesday in 1992 ruined her dreams of running a theatre group, causing her to take on young delinquents and later spies to make ends meet, using Her Majesty's Undercover Test to check the ability of her spy clients to pretend to be someone else. She also used to be a chorus dancer in her youth.

## Appearances

* Season 5 episode 4
* Christmas Porno 6
Cornelius Kettle

**Cornelius Kettle** is an Australian talent agent in the *Belinda Blinked* books. One of his clients is the famous TV chef Cosmo Macaroon, and Belinda Blumenthal unsuccessfully attempts to persuade him to allow her to meet Cosmo to secure a business deal.

## Appearance

Rocky Flintstone describes Cornelius as having blonde hair and long athletic legs.

## Personality

Cornelius has a very gruff voice with an Australian accent and Belinda comments on his direct tone and style of speaking. Like his client Cosmo initially, Cornelius rejects Belinda when she removes her leather dress to stand naked before him with just Steele's pots and pans protecting her private parts. However he is quite courteous to her, offering her pomegranate juice. He is also known to have a taupe swivel chair in his office and he is very business-minded, knowing exactly how many series of *The Cooking with Cosmo Show* have been made.

## Notes

* According to Jamie, Cornelius is also the name of his grandfather so it is likely Rocky named the character after him.
Bisch Schloss

The **Bisch Schloss** is a castle in East Berlin resembling a fortress, presumably close to the head offices of Bisch-Herstellung Enterprises, used as the base of operations and private residence of pots and pans mogul Herr Wolfgang Bisch. The castle contains an old-fashioned dungeon 200 feet below sea level used by George and Giselle Sylvester to torture Professor Slinz, as well as an extravagant dining room used by Bisch to hold fancy dinners and various guest rooms for visitors.

## Visitors

* Petra (dinner attendee)
* Giselle Sylvester (Bisch's agent)
* George Sylvester (Bisch's agent)
* Professor Slinz (imprisoned in the dungeons)
* Belinda Blumenthal (disguised as life insurance agent Belinda 'Smiffy' Smith)
* James Spooner (disguised as life insurance agent James Tea)