The Evan Himself

## The Evan

The Evan's "Snoke Form"

***The Evan***aka Azathoth the Blind Idiot God is a being from the depths of space devouring planets and wreaking nuclear chaos on the universe. It cums from the planet of Kelt-9b, wrote this article, and may or may not be coming after you and your children. ***The Evan*** is also Snoke.

## Biography (Ft. SootHouse)

***The Evan*** was born 9,999,999 years ago when ***The Nathan*** and the dark void of infinite nothingness had two ~~children~~ horrible mistakes named ***The Evan***  and ***Tsathoggua.***  The two horrible mistakes ventured to meme land to join the daddy house and become one of the daddies. As a daddy ***The Evan*** learned chioyajutsu (the art of the daddies). Chioyajutsu allows ***The Evan*** to be a naturally good mechanic and tell jokes so bad they kill anyone who hears them. ***The Evan*** then moved to earth, took a human form and lived in Guilin for 2.24 million years with his brother Tsathoggua and the other daddies.He then invented a time machine and used it to travel to 1979 to learn the art of the snuff film from Ruggero Deodato the director of Cannibal Holocaust and with this knowledge travel back in time to wait, biding his time until he could make the greatest movie ever.

### 1789

In the year 1789 ***The Evan***, taking the form of a human named Joseph-Ignace Guillotin, proposed that the French government adopt a more humane method of execution.

### 2005

In 2005 ***The Evan*** forgot to use protection while "doing business😉" with a prostitute and had a ~~son~~ horrible mistake named ***Shrek on Steroids***. To test his son's strength ***The Evan*** had ***The Chach*** temporarily remove ***Shrek on Steroids’*** godly power making him able to die, then took him to an entire planet full of very powerful monsters and had him fight every single one of them. ***The Evan*** let ***Shrek on Steroids*** die and then resurrected him 9,569times with the intention that with each death ***Shrek on Steroids*** would get stronger. By his 9,570th time fighting the monsters ***Shrek on Steroids*** killed every single one of them with his bare hands. They then traveled back to the present and pretended that that nothing happened.

### 2009

In 2009 ***The Evan*** changed his name to Tom Six andused his knowledge of how to make a snuff film to write, direct, and produce the entire Human Centipede trilogy. He then compiled all three of his amazing movies into a "movie centipede" known as The Human Centipede:The Complete Sequence.

### 2018

For ***The Evan*** and ***Shrek on Steroids*** 2018 has been the of father-son bonding. They made super weapons out of paper clamps, participated in an Inter-dimensional Bowling Tournament, went to Secs Night, and even created an entire species (Woodfucks). In 2018 ***The Evan*** traveled forward in time to the year 5000 and mixed the DNA of various powerful species to create the ultimate being for him to mate with. This being was known as Shipiphany and is 70% Inverted Dimension Deity 25% Homo Sapien Celestial (an extremely powerful and advanced evolved form of modern humans **THAT BY ALL MEANS ARE ABSOLUTELY NOT** meant to be confused with the Celestial Sapiens from 'Ben 10') 4.5% angel, 0.4% Homo Sapien Sapien, and 0.1% Ｂｕｔｔｅｒ Ｔａｒｔ. The child of ***The Evan*** and Shipiphany is destined to be beyond the power of ***The Evan, The Nathan***, and even Freddie Freaker. It is thought that this unborn god known as The Dagon could one day be even more powerful than ***Bald Sensei Man***.

### 3150

In the year 3150 ***The Evan*** felt very ashamed of humanity and needed a way to find out who should live and who should die. The current population of Homo Ignarus Tardum Staltus was 2 trillion and challenged all of them to an inter-dimensional bowling tournament with the humans on teams of 5000. After all other teams were eliminated the final team went up against ***The Evan's*** five man bowling team and lost. That was the end of humanity.

### 3200

   In the year 3200 ***The Evan*** decided that it was too boring to just be alone on Earth with no humans so him, Shipiphany***, Tsathoggua, Shrek On Steroids, The Nathan,*** and ***Bald Sensei Man*** all went back to The Inverted Dimension and lived there for the rest of eternity (or at least until they got bored of it).

### 3999

In the year 3999 ***The Nathan*** stepped down from his position as guardian of The Inverted Dimension and let ***The Evan*** take his place. in order to do this ***The Evan*** had to be promoted from guardian of the Universe to guardian of The Inverted Dimension, thus allowing ***Shrek on Steroids*** to take up the position as guardian of the Universe.

### 4269

In the year 4200 The Dagon is finally born.

## Forms

***The Evan*** can shape-shiftand take on may forms. Here are some of ***The Evan's*** forms.

### ***True Form***

***The Evan's True Form*** aka Azathoth is a writhing mass of eyes, tentacles, and a giant, Sarlac-like mouth that devours planets. ***The Evan's True Form*** blasphemes and bubbles of the center of all infinity in an unlighted chamber outside of space and time amidst the muffled, maddening beats of of vile drums and the thin, monotonous wine of accrued flutes. Though boundless, ***The Evan's True Form*** is nothing but a pawn to the true god of the multiverse, ***The Chach.***

### Main Human Form

    ***The Evan's*** main human form is a handsome young man ~~named Evan~~ the identity of which hasn't been revealed. He has brown eyes, brown hair, and wears glasses. He also wears very few but very memorable shirts.

## Powers and Abilities

#### ***The Evan Bomb***

***The Evan Bomb*** is an attack only used by ***The Evan***. To use this attack ***The Evan*** harnesses energy from his world to summon a giant exploding ball of plasma that is capable of destroying planets.

#### ***The Tear-Away Pants Move***

***The Tear-Away Pants Move*** is a move that ***The Evan*** can do, along with only Kirby, where he tears away his pants, but they're instantly replaced by another pair. He basically has infinite pairs of Tear-away Pants. At one point, ***The Evan*** gave ***Shrek on Steroids*** an infinitely high stack of Tear-Away Pants.

#### Daddy Magic

With daddy magic ***The Evan*** can create Woodfucks and Paper Clamps out of nothing.

## Relationships

### **Evan**

***The Evan*** has many allies but none are more important than **Evan**. **Evan** is an avatar of ***The Evan*** and a man of fortitude, sheer will, and support. **Evan** is the one who aids ***The Evan*** in the shadows, rarely revealing his presence and provides aid should ***The Evan*** need it. Many mortal scholars and worshipers of ***The Evan*** believe that **Evan** is actually the legendary human body that ***The Evan*** uses to interact with the human world.

### Shipiphany

Shipiphany is the beloved wife of ***The Evan***. He loves her very much and would do anything for her. He is quoted as saying this "There are four things in my life that I truly love; My sons, my wife, and worshiping ***The Chach***."

### ***Shrek On Steroids***

***Shrek on Steroids*** is the first son of ***The Evan*** and ***The Evan's*** best friend. They have done many great things together including creating Woodfucks, going to Secs Night, and even fighting along side each other in The War.