Astral Maids

an adventure starring Kit, Norage, and Errol.

## Short Episode Description

Astral Maids is an actual play podcast of the Astral Tourists RPG system. Join Errol, Kit, and Norage as they travel to the Astral Plane to help clean up a mess of Eldritch proportions.

## Non Player Characters

* Skirmish Killington
* Pearl In the Sea
* Ernest the Designer
* Caelemon Dorael
* Tim Horton
* Trevor Thegreat
* Vicious Ichor
* Clothilda Fleshripper

## Plot Summary

The episode begins with Errol, Kit and Norage experiencing the same dream: working in a weird, interdimensional office space, then finding out something very important and terrifying was going to happen. Waking up in a cold sweat, the group find themselves compelled to visit a fortune teller. Kit suggests talking to Skirmish, who has recently started hanging out around the guildhall, shouting at passers-by in a drunken stupor-- which Kit does remark as strange behaviour. Skirmish points them (literally) across the road to where a fortune-telling booth has been set up, seemingly overnight.

Inside they find Pearl, who, through a crystal ball, connects them to Ernest the Designer-- who, as it turns out, was trying to contact them through dreams rather than tearing the universe apart like last time. Ernest explains that a work colleague has set up a date for him, and explains that he ejected his trash into the astral plane- but it refuses to drift into the void, as it usually does. He asks the party to travel (with help from Pearl) into the astral plane to make his place presentable before his date, and promises to reward them with whatever they could dream of. Kit vouches for this promise, already being familiar with Ernest (see: Meat Puppet Saves Universe). Pearl puts the party into a soporific state using various incenses and mushrooms, and their consciousnesses travel to the astral plane.

The area of the astral plane the party arrives in looks like a bedroom, but if everything was floating around in space. Pizza boxes and laundry litter the floor, the bed is unmade, there's a computer on a desk, and there's some rather nasty bread hanging out by some sneakers. Each of the adventurers look somewhat different, too. Errol takes the form of a duck with an eyepatch, Norage triples in height and loses his accent, and Kit transforms into an almost-angelic entity with a booming, reverberant voice.

The party set to work making the plane presentable. Errol investigates a piece of mouldy bread, which tries to convince him that it's his old friend Caelemon. However, Errol does not believe it, and Kit looses an arrow of light into the bread. The bread rises up like a flying bready anglerfish and flies off towards the top of the pizza box tower, with the party chasing after it. They find the bread caught in a spider web, being eaten 'alive' by once-dead spiders. Kit puts it out of its misery, and they move their attention to the computer- which contains a history best forgotten. Errol and Norage start to delete the history, but globules of static electricity emerge from the screen to stop them. Seeing them off fairly quickly, the party wipe the computer's history, but then spot some action-figure type beings in a nearby cabinet that would be best kept hidden.

Spotting a helpful drawer beneath the figures, Kit flies down to open it, but upon opening the drawer, is met with a bear with laser eyes. Naturally, he decides to close the drawer again, while Norage and Errol boot the figures into oblivion. Afterwards, they hear voices calling to them from what seems to be a campfire; making their way over, they come across Trevor and Vicious, who ask about their lost bear. Handily, Kit had literally just come across the bear so points them in the right direction. After the two have come back with the bear, they mention that they could do with some help in preventing some toys hidden beneath the bed from escaping their box.

Hoping to kill two birds with one stone, the six of them work together to place the laundry on the floor on top of the box the toys are hidden in, which prevents their escape and hides the laundry under the bed. The party finish off by making the bed and toppling the pizza box tower into the void, and contact Ernest for extraction.

Waking up in the fortune teller's tent again, it seems that Ernest has gone on his date and is now un-contactable. However, during the night each party member dreams of what they would've wished for, and in the morning they find their wishes have come true.