007: Techno Terror (2021)

> 'What'd I tell ya 718, the blockchain doesn't lie!" -The Crypto Cock
>
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***Techno Terror*** is the twenty-sixth film in the *James Bond* series produced by B23 Shipwreck Studios for Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer via United Artists Releasing. Unike

several previous films, *Techno Terror* was written by a team of relative unknown freelance writers, and features actress Fran Drescher in her first appearance as Agent 718- Jamie Lee Bond. The film is directed by Flynn Flynnson Jr, and was released on Nov 29, 2021.

## Plot

**Spoiler warning**: This article contains spoilers! Plot and/or ending details follow.

***Techno Terror*** follows Agent 718 (Fran Drescher) as she attempts to take down The Crypto Cock (Brendan Frasier) while pursuing her romantic interest (David Spade) alongside Q (Mike Myers) under the direction of her agency, led by Jim Carrey (Jim Carrey).

The film opens on the sand planet Tatooine, where Han Solo remarks on his disdain for dirt and sand. It is soon revealed that a crowd is watching this movie in a theater, when a man walks into the theater and remarks on his pleasure at the progress of the film, despite its fraudulent nature and cheap budget. From the theater, The Crypto Cock rises from his seat, and remarks that this will be the greatest NFT ever made. The title is then revealed: *007: Techno Terror.*

The remainder of the film focuses on The Crypto Cock pedalling fake NFT films to the public, making himself hella cash anonymously. 718 is living in the mystical underwater city of The Bronx (sunken after a mysterious disaster). Staten Island has been turned into a crypto farm, renamed ST@TN by The Crypto Cock's empire. To defend herself from this futuristic cyperpunk world, 718 wields a Flintlock pistol, a blade-toed boot.

Skip all the plot, and cut to the end of the film: 718 and The Crypto Cock are suspended above scaffolding outside the ST@TN warehouse. The Crypto Cock is dangling 718 over a massive cooling contraption. He threatens to kill 718, when 718 shoots him in the face with her pistol, killing him instantly through excessive head trauma. As 718 slowly falls into the cooling fan, an EMP goes off, granting 718 the ability to fly away and escape. The frame freezes in a Harry Potter-esc close up of her flying away, and the credits roll.

After the credits, Nick Fury approaches 718, who offers her a job. 718 is reluctant, but when Fury explains the terms of the deal, 718 agrees. 718's babysitting children approach her about the deal, and 718 wakes up at her dry cleaning job. It was all a dream. As she walks away, the frame freezes on a close up of 718's eyes reveals that she is actually a zombie from Michael Jackson's *Thriller.* The camera pans to the sky, and Harry Potter flies across the screen.

Post-Post credits: Chris hemsworth and Chewbacca are there.

## Background

Despite the working title of the film, *OctoPenis,* the crew settled on the name *Techno Terror.* Other proposed names include *007: The Last Crusade.*

### Casting

After careful deliberation on who to cast as 718, the crew settled on Fran Drescher, due to being a "gorgeous woman from Queens." -Jackson Eldrich.

The crew immediately decided to cast Brendan Frasier as The Crypto Cock, later constructing the story around him. Preliminary names included "Crypto Cat", "Crypto Pussy", and "Crypto Penis."

### Distribution

*007: Techno Terror* Was distributed exclusively to a crypto-themed film festival, despite its potent anti-crypto messaging.

## Reception

Due to its unorthodox distribution, *007: Techno Terror* was lambasted by audiences and critically slashed, earning a critic score of 12% on Rotten Tomatoes, and an audience score of 1%. Since its initial release, it has garnered a cult following amongst middle aged gay jewish men from New York, AKA Fran Drescher's primary audience (and ex-husband).

## Trivia

* Given the lack of 007 in this film, it is unknown why it is titled "007: Techno Terror."
* This movie sent Brendan Frasier back into hollywood obscurity.