Morton’s The Steakhouse with Tim Kalpakis

"Morton’s The Steakhouse with Tim Kalpakis" is Episode 52 of *Doughboys*, hosted by Mike Mitchell and Nick Wiger. "Morton’s The Steakhouse with Tim Kalpakis" was released on May 12, 2016.

## Synopsis

Writer/comedian Tim Kalpakis (*The Birthday Boys*, *Comedy Bang! Bang!*) guests in studio to break down classic American steakhouse chain Morton’s, as well as discuss Greek food favorites and attending college with Mitch. Plus, Tim describes his Last Meal.

*This episode marks the debut of Roast Spoonman.*

## Nick's intro

In 1953, an ambitious, young, American publisher named Hugh Hefner launched *Playboy* magazine. The periodical's then-scandalous nude photos of buxom vixens helped ignite the sexual revolution and, by the end of the decade, the man who went by "Hef" initiated the next phase of his empire.

The first Playboy Club opened in 1960 in Chicago, Illinois. A private night-club chain catering, naturally, to men, with bunnies serving as cocktail waitresses, it thrived throughout the '60s and '70s before beginning a prolonged refractory period in the '80s.

But during the Playboy Club's heyday, a pair of men named Klaus and Arnie met as coworkers at its Montreal branch. Klaus, the chef, impressed Arnie, the businessman, by serving him the best burger he'd ever tasted, and in 1978, the two struck out on their own: ditching the overt sexuality of their former employer, but retaining the elitism and air of exclusivity with their high-end steakhouse concept.

Using Arnie's last name as their branding, the duo claimed to offer "the best steak anywhere." Perhaps appropriately given its lascivious origins, the restaurant now boasts 69 locations across America as the go-to chain for power-lunching businessmen, celebrities, and the idle rich. Or people who just want to experience a small sliver of that world.

This week on *Doughboys*, Morton's The Steakhouse.

## Fork rating

* Lobster Bisque
* Prime Sirloin Chopped Steak
	+ Sour Cream Mashed Potatoes
* New York Cheesecake
 Mike Mitchell
* Chopped House Salad
* Prime Ribeye 9 oz (medium)
	+ Garlic Butter
	+ Sour Cream Mashed Potatoes
* Double Chocolate Mousse
 Tim Kalpakis
* Morton's Iceberg Wedge Salad
* Prime Ribeye 16 oz. (medium rare)
 shared

With these scores, Morton's is a member of the Platinum Plate Club and of the Hand-holding Club.

## Steakhouse Sides

The Doughboys also rank their top three sides at a steakhouse:

2. creamed spinach
 Mike Mitchell
2. creamed spinach
 Tim Kalpakis
2. sauteed spinach
3. potato au gratin

## Last Meal

Last Meal is a segment where Mitch comes up with why the guest is to be executed, who in turn gets to describe his choices for his last meal.

After serving his third term in office, President Trump turns over the reins to Vice President Guy Fieri. A hateful and cruel man, Guy Fieri vows to kill every person who dares to look, act, dress, or drive like him. Tim Kalpakis finds himself at the top of President Fieri's hit list. Sentenced to death by grilling, he must choose his last meal.

* Buffalo Chicken Wings from Ye Rustic Inn (Los Feliz, CA)
* poutine
* Vermonster from Ben & Jerry's
* Mai Tai from Tiki-Ti (Los Angeles, CA)

Fortunately, at the last second, right as Guy Fieri ties him to his grill, Bruce Springsteen shows up and plays "Born To Run," blowing Fieri into the griddle where he burns to death. Springsteen then tells Kalpakis he sucks, and walks away.

## Fuberty

The Doughboys have a quick discussion about which foods they disliked but they grew into enjoying.

 Mike Mitchell
 Tim Kalpakis

## #hashtags

* #Fuberty
* #HowILikeMyCoffee
* #HeadOfTheBread or #ComplimentsToTheBread
* #GreekOrFreak

## The Feedbag

Mitch was not in Stuprich's class, neither was Tim. (Or was he?)

## Drops and Plugs

 *The Birthday Boys / Comedy Bang Bang / Lords of Synth* (tv)

## Related Episodes

* 52. **Morton's The Steakhouse**
* DD. Cool, Cool Mountain
* BC6. Dinner Rolls
* 207. Ben & Jerry's
* 237. Boudin Bakery
* 263. Wendy's Breakfast
* DD. The D'ohboys
* DD. Capriotti's vs. Quiznos
* DD. Grog
* DD. Gorko's Planet Clergmas Spectacular

## Photos (via @doughboyspod)

MortiniMorton's Iceberg Wedge SaladPrime Ribeye