CSS Cavalier

The **CSS Cavalier** is a Vanguard starship. After an incident with the space god Kwoo, it was assigned a mission to track down the rogue starship Trailblazer through Correxian space. As its previous captain Cal Sisters was killed in the same incident and its first officer is on leave, the Cavalier is operated by its crew as a collective with no assigned leader.

## Layout

The Cavalier is separated into a number of different decks; since Deck 1 is the Bridge ("An Evening of Cards and Boxwine"), it is possible that the decks are numbered downwards, with a higher number indicating a lower deck, and vice-versa. Decks do not necessarily correspond precisely to storeys, and may be split-level; for instance, 'The Double Diadem', a western-themed bar famous for its queen-racing displays and queen-racing themed menus, also has a basement in which the crew can sculpt, and accessing this basement is not implied to require changing decks.

Travel between decks is usually accomplished via hyper-lifts: these include a video display through which Shemp Fortunes could perceive his viewers; numbered buttons for the Cavalier's many decks; and a 'Random' button. Less often, crew members travel through the 'Christopher's Tubes' that snake through the whole ship. Finally, the Cavalier sports buttonless, voice-activated Astro-lifts. These are described as "ingenious capsules which shuttle crew all over this massive ship", and the quickest way to travel between Decks 3 and 36. So far they have only been seen in use once, in Backdecks.

Some of the Cavalier's decks are more popular than others; Decks 7, 12, and 23 are popular decks, and Decks 30 and 32 are beloved. Others, such as Deck 31, are actively avoided by the majority of the ship's crew and held in contempt. Cavalier locations with known deck numbers are listed below; however, since the ship's rooms and hallways are often being redesigned ("The Vanilla Vortex", "Footsteps"), **all such information is highly provisional, and it is impossible for the cast to make a mistake about which deck something is on**.

Deck 1: The Bridge.

Deck 3: this deck includes a meeting space where Gelmire Lysander and Meredith Chesterfield had planned to meet famous galactic DJ BoyChat. Scorpio Ni-Yeer lives on this deck.

Deck 4: this deck is home to the Cavalier's Pottery Studio. The ship's *Sculpture* Studio is far away (see below). From this distinction, we can perhaps infer that, in the future, human culture can no longer accept pottery as an acceptable medium for sculpture.

Deck 6: a multipurpose deck, where you can find Holozones 1-3; Sick-bay; and the Barbershop. Please be aware that Holozone 2 is always set to horse-back riding. The Little Bambinos refers explicitly to a "Holozone Deck", which may or may not be this deck. If it is, then the other Holozones are likely on this deck also. The highest known Holozone number is 7, meaning that there are at least four more Holozones available which are not permanently set to horse-back riding. Holozone 7 is located at the centre of a T-junction of three hallways, and if the Holozones are indeed all on one deck, then The Modern Prometheus tells us these hallways are a little less utilitarian than most, with a little more comfort to them, and expensive windows. This is because this deck is considered "the recreation zone of the Cavalier". While the presence of Sick-bay and the Barbershop might seem incongruous in a recreation zone, it is possible that in the future people are getting haircuts and medical attention as a form of recreation. Moreover, in What's My Mage Again? we learned that Sick-bay is the home of the Cavalier's Volleyball Court.

Deck 9, "The Deck of Halls": here we see many of the ship's longest or straightest halls.

Deck 12: also a multipurpose deck, home to the Stargazing Lounge (where the Casketshowroom family enjoy weekly picnics on Tuesdays), Stellar Cartography, and the Biohazard Storage Room. Cpt Sisters' "Battle Bridge" is hidden away on this deck, linked by maple-syrup deployment tubes to the default Bridge of Deck 1; prior to discovering it, Legs Loveless, Billy Onassis, and Threadcount 900 claim they have never been to this deck before. The Sleep Centre is also located on this deck; though, after the tragic events of Perchance to Snooze, its future must now be uncertain.

Decks 1-16: Schoolmaster Ichabod Crane's schoolroom is on one of these decks, since The Nephews' hyper-lift travelled down past Deck 17 en route to Deck 52.

Deck 17: this deck was the original home of Eusebius Carter's premature, fingerbang-screening memorial statue, prior to its removal to Baron Beaudelaire's PleasureDome (see below).

Deck 24: this deck includes a teleportation bay, used in An Evening of Cards and Boxwine. However, its main function aboard ship is as the Crew Storage Deck, vaguely similar to a gym locker room on an enormous scale.

Deck 30: home to the Cavalier's Arboretum. Described by Groomda as incompetently run (a "god-damn fuck-place") in Bound by the Limelight, it is the workplace of Ship's Gardeners Penny Marshall and Judith (last name unknown). Much to Begonia Bloodterror's disappointment, crew members are discouraged from fucking the Arboretum's plants, which are grown mostly for research purposes. Legs Loveless, however, was permitted to grow cloves for his hand-rolled clove cigarettes, and also enjoyed sexual congress with Penny Marshall, though it was implied that he discontinued this in revulsion after Dr Thomas Dewey revealed that Penny was suffering from a contagious ear infection known colloquially as "Goo-Hole". Since the Arboretum is where the Ship's Gardeners work, it may be the same 'garden' where the crew arranged a date for alien virgins in Footsteps, and if so, contains a romantic bridge of Japanese style, under a starry observatory and over a pond of alien koi-like carp. Chestashire enjoyed eating these fish.

Deck 31: this deck is practically forgotten by the majority of the crew due to its outmoded interior design, which gives it a look akin to a charming city street, with quaint cobbled carpetways winding between curious shops and cafés. These shops have many misspelled names, including misspellings of "Liberty's Sporting Goods" and "Liberty's Large Novelties". Deck 31 is home to many orphans, including Limoncello and Boboli, who have named it "The Deck of Miracles".

Deck 37: this deck may be the Pool Deck. This is of dubious canon since Joe Lepore declared it such in Oh These, Those Chats of Show VIII; thus, outside normal parameters for inclusion. So far, the only pool we have actually seen was in Overtime, where it constituted a space within the Ship's Gymnasium, but whether this was on the selfsame pool deck is uncertain. Furthermore, Pluto Cloud-Atlas has asserted that there are "at least two" pools on board the Cavalier, and that he sees them "everywhere he goes", which calls into question the existence of the Pool Deck at all. It may be, however, that Pluto's movements are largely restricted to his workplace and the Pool Deck, which would account for his skewed vision of a starship crowded with pools.

Deck 42: this deck is home to the memorial statue to Jimmy Pencils - which is possibly also premature, since his death went unconfirmed - and the Cavalier's immense Data Core. Described in Mothers and Brothers, the Data Core's gargantuan scale must be listened to to be believed.

Deck 43: another multipurpose deck, home to the Ice Skating Rink, the Sculpture Studio, and the Hockey Rink.

Deck 52: the Museum Deck. Dominated by a huge scale model of the Cavalier itself, this deck displays, among other things, the artifacts from the crew's many adventures. Ship's Janitor, gwarf Gerghis Flunk, was foiled in his scheme to redecorate and repurpose this deck.

Deck 53: formerly an empty deck, Deck 53 is now the "Gelmire's Nephews Brothers Three Arcade".

Deck 66: Clinton Bodycount lives in a broom closet on this deck, which he likes to style "Deck 666". He has fashioned it to look like a dungeon--he "has a fog machine going"--and he broadcasts his public access show 'Tales from the Tomb' from it.

Deck 666: this deck's existence is not recognised by the Astro-lifts; it is unknown whether this is because the deck genuinely does not exist, for some reason, or if the Astro-lifts were malfunctioning or not allowed to know about Deck 666.

Deck 4010: this deck is home to Baudelaire's PleasureDome, the Cavalier's only for-profit pleasure-dome. It is owned and operated by Baron Baudelaire. A few doors down from it is Kids-Menu's Vapes & Tokeables, which is currently staffed by Carboat Bin Laden. Somewhere on this deck also lies "Ballroom A", though the events of Hint cast some doubt as to what *kind* of Ballroom it is.