The Story of the Hash-Slinging Slasher

You know the story of the Hash-Slinging Slasher, right? The one from that episode of "SpongeBob SquarePants"? Well, if you haven’t heard it yet, I'm about to read it to you now. It starts off with a man named Bill Jenkins. In 1973, Bill worked as a fry-cook at a Burger King located in Roseville, California. He loved his job so much, but he was very, very clumsy.

One Friday morning in May, Bill and his 2 friends, Sam and Mike were super excited to start work that day, because since it was Friday, there were getting closer to the weekend. At Noon, when everybody started to come eat at Burger King for lunch, Bill got a big order, and he was super excited. He sprinted over into the kitchen and got to work right away. But when he was cutting the lettuce, he got distracted and accidentally cut off his left hand! Bill tried his very best to hold in his screams, because if he *did* scream, his boss, Mr. Thompson would’ve found out, and Bill would have to be sent home early and miss work that day, which he didn't want. Bill *really* wanted to make it to the end of the day. Bill searched frantically around the kitchen for the closest object near him to replace his left hand. He grabbed his spatula, which was good. He stuffed it into his arm and used it as a new left hand. Once Bill stitched the spatula to his arm, he continued working.

Everything went well for the rest of the day. A little while later, it was Closing Time. Bill was relieved that he made it to the end of the day. However, he was too relieved. When he exited Burger King and crossed the street, he didn’t look both ways, and he got hit by a bus! The bus driver quickly got out and called the paramedics, but when they got there, it was too late. Bill had already passed away.

One week later, a funeral was planned for Bill. Mr. Thompson walked up to Bill’s coffin. He stared at him for a moment, and then he decided that he didn’t need Bill anymore since he was dead, so he fired him. Later that day, when the funeral was over, everyone was getting ready to go home. While this happened, someone walked up to Bill’s coffin and noticed that his body was gone! Everyone who was at the funeral searched the town. They all thought that someone stole Bill’s body. Sam and Mike still had to work that day. Mr. Thompson told them to work the Night Shift that night. He didn’t stick around because he said he had a life to live. So he walked outside to the parking lot, got in his car and drove home.

Sam and Mike didn’t really have any customers that night. People usually stop coming at about 8:00 PM. The restaurant was very empty and quiet that night. When it was 11:00 PM, Sam and Mike decided to tell scary stories to each other. They told stories about The Rake, Slender-Man and even Jeff the Killer. At some point, the restaurant's lights started to flicker on and off. A few moments later, the telephone started to ring. When Sam picked it up, he heard somebody on the other line breathing heavily. Sam and Mike were both starting to get nervous, but not too scared.

Soon after, a bus pulled up to the front of the restaurant. Buses normally don’t run this late at night, so it was kind of strange. The bus stayed there for a little while until it drove away. A shadowy figure was standing on the other side of the road; it had glowing red eyes and a hunchback like Quasimodo. Sam and Mike didn’t know what to do, until they saw its left hand; it looked like a spatula. Sam and Mike both started to think it was Bill, but of course he was dead.

Suddenly, the shadowy figure started to walk up to the restaurant. It crossed the street without looking both ways. Sam and Mike both agreed that it was Bill. The creature stopped at the front door of the restaurant, and it tapped on the glass with its spatula hand. Sam hid behind the counter and Mike hid in one of the corners of the building. Sam hid behind the counter for a while until he decided to look for the creature. He stood up and saw that the creature was standing right in front of the counter! Sam was stunned with fear, and Mike ran to the kitchen. He stopped for a moment because he heard a loud crunching sound. Blood flew everywhere! Mike started to panic and decided to hide in the freezer. He shut the door and locked it from the inside. He thought he was safe for a few moments until the freezer started to kick in. It started to get *really* cold *really* fast! Mike unlocked the door and tried to get out, but the door was frozen shut! He couldn’t get out, so he had to wait until morning so Mr. Thompson could open it. Mike backed up a little, and then he bumped into something solid. He thought it was the back of the freezer, until he saw the spatula hand come out. It slashed his head clean off! The spatula was rusty, and it had sharp edges; just as sharp as the knife that cut Bill’s hand off.

The next morning, Mr. Thompson arrived in the Burger King's parking lot. Before he grabbed out the keys to the front door, he looked through the window and noticed that the police were there. Behind them were giant chunks of hamburger meat soaking in puddles of blood. When they saw Mr. Thompson, they thought he was the one who killed Sam and Mike that night since he was the only one who knew that Sam and Mike were there. They took him to the police car and loaded him up in the back seat. Before the police got in the car as well, they went back into the building to investigate even more. Suddenly, the boss looked through the right window, and saw the shadowy figure sneak out from the back of Burger King. He grew an angry look on his face and stared right into the creature’s eyes. He instantly knew that he was the one who killed Sam and Mike that night. He quietly said “I will get out and prove my innocence… Hash-Slinging-Slasher!”

And that’s the story!