2013 Power Rankings-Week 3

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*Posted 9/18/13 at 11:06am*

They say blood is the strongest of bonds. This must be the reason why both DiGennaro men decided to lose their matchups this week, so they may be forever bonded together as the two winless teams at the bottom of the standings.

1(1). Hernandez’ Bracelets – Much stronger performance this week from the self-proclaimed “best team” in the league, but in a mega trade they have lost power house Dez Bryant and promising RB Reggie Bush. Will the acquisition of a strong TE from Girl on Fire be enough to keep the team afloat?

2(2). Cooper Clux Clan – Led by the Johnson trio (Chad, Chris, Andre) CCC powers its way to 2-0 and this week benching Boldin didn’t look so stupid.

3(10). Orange Julians – In the biggest power rankings jump this league has ever seen, OJ has jumped 7 spots to 3rd. Hard not to give this team one of the top spots after the 3,4,5 and 6 ranked teams all took abysmal losses. Even as I write this Michael Vick is scoring fantasy points.

4(4). The Enforcers – Enforcers was a Stephen Jackson injury away from being 2-0.

5(3). The Shotti Bunch – As I predicted, Shotti Bunch came up way short. Huge days from Jackson and Graham for Girl on Fire negated Rodgers’ 66.8 fantasy points. Good thing she didn’t trade those guys away, huh?

6(9). Girl on Fire – Monster day but her two biggest weapons are playing for her boyfriend now.

7(7). Ooohmypussyitswet – As a result of beating my father, OMPIW will now be charged triple for his taxes this year.

8(6). Ma ma momma said – Lowest scoring team in the league through two weeks, this could spell trouble for the defending champ. This week’s matchup against Wilfork You Up could be an early elimination game.

9(5). Gronk’s Flakes – After several draft day misfires, GF now has to recover from injuries as well as a struggling QB. Ray Rice was out performed by 12 other players on the roster, including Moreno and Minnesota’s kicker, Blair Walsh.

10(8). Wilfork You Up – For the second year in a row WYU is proving that it takes more than an awesome team name to win games. Is there a championship curse in this league?

~~Smart Start of the Week: After the Amendola injury, Julian Edelman proved to be a smart pick up and start, leading the Patriots to victory. However he was out-smarted by his opponent, who decided to bench Andrew Luck and start Michael Vick. Vick was the leading scorer in the league this week.

~~Don’t be such a (Knee)Jerk: After Julius Thomas had a breakout week against the Ravens, Shotti Bunch made the kneejerk decision to pick up and start Thomas in Week 2. Even without getting the W, it’s clear that the decision is paying off as Thomas outscored both his projection and Shotti’s other TE Kyle Rudolph for the second straight week.

~~If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it (or trade your top scorers): In the biggest trade the league has ever seen, Girl on Fire delivered superstars Jimmy Braham and DeSean Jackson to the undefeated Hernandez’ Bracelets. Payment? Star Dez Bryant and RB powerhouse Reggie Bush. Who made out better in this deal? Girl on Fire plugged a hole in her RB’s, but only if Bush can stay healthy. HB is now solid in the TE slot and didn’t lose any power in his WR core.
~~King Loser: The Enforcers is the King Loser this week. Though the team is solid it will have to win these big matchups if they hope to make a splash later in the year.

~~Weak Winner: Ooohmypussyitswet is this week’s Weak Winner. They can stay relevant by beating the struggling teams but this year there is so much offense that there aren’t as many weak teams as there used to be.

~~Matchup to watch: The two champions face off in a game that spells trouble for the loser, but my eyes are on The Shotti Bunch vs. Orange Julians. We have seen each of these teams have massive games and each have had dismal games. Two talented owners, each battling injuries at the WR position, I see this game coming down to Aaron Rodgers vs. Seattle Defense.