Oblivious Yandere Girl Kidnaps You

Yandere Girlfriend kidnapps her boyfriend and takes him on a surprise drive to their new house while discussing plans for their future together.

## Transcript

Oh, hey... you're awake! No, don't do that. Don't struggle. I tied you up so you could enjoy your nap. Yeah! Yeah, you've been out for a while, and I'm glad! To be honest, I've still not quite got a hold on this whole driving thing yet, but... I'm trying my best! {laughs} So uh, it's been a pretty bumpy ride, to be honest.

Hmm? Yes, this is a different car to the last one. A friend hooked me up... Oh, you know... {laughs} Hmm? Where are we going? We're going to start our new life together, silly! I have a whole plan sorted. We're moving to this gorgeous little town. I've had it in mind for our Plan C since, um... Well, since Plan B, I guess!

{Evalina begins singing *Boys on the Radio*}

> *All the boys on the radio
> They crash and burn
> They fold and fade so slow
> In your endless summer night
> I'll be on the other side
> When you're beautiful and dying
> All the world that you've denied
> When the water is too deep
> You can close your eyes and really sleep tonight*
>
>

{Evalina runs something over, interrupting her singing} Whoops! Oh, uh-oh! {laughs}

Hmm? What's it like? Well, I found us the cutest little house.
I need to get us there within the next four hours, but no later than five. Yeah. Um, my locksmith just got out of jail and he doesn't want to go back in. LOL! So I figured we would get there with half an hour to spare... Maybe stop for a milkshake and ice cream in a drive-through car park... And then I can tuck you into our new bed in our new master bedroom! Mm-hmm! It's got an ensuite bathroom, and a walk-in wardrobe and everything. I think my friend said there is a pool in the garden, and an outdoor pizza oven, too! Really nice for if we ever want to entertain guests. I don't know who we would entertain, but I like the idea! Sounds pretty great, right? ...RIGHT?

Hmm? Whose house is it? Oh, silly baby, don't worry about that. My friend has taken care of the previous owners, they were getting in the way of, uh, her um, business... Yeah. Kind of ruined her Christmas. Yeah, real shame. She was telling me all about too when she hooked me up with this car. Something about having to leave her boyfriend's house early... Something about a, um, race car bed I want to say. I don't know, I could be wrong. {laughs}

Anyway, I thought we could get two cats for the house, and three pigs for the garden. Yeah! Why pigs? Well, um, I just like them! I think they're so cute! They're so sweet with their little curly tails, and they will eat anything including human remains. {laughs}

Now I was thinking we could repaint the kitchen green. That's really on trend right now. Yeah. And maybe even repaint the outside of the house black or pink or something. I don't know. Nothing too flashy. What do you think? Huh? You thought I was going to leave you alone? {laughs}

Oh, don't be silly, bunny! I had to disappear for a while, nothing to worry about. Those two cars I disposed of were found and I just had to lie low for a while. Hmm? Well I can't help it if I have a flair for the dramatic! It's much more exciting to set it on fire than leave it to rot in the woods.

Anyway, I'm back now, and we can spend every minute of every day ever together forever always always infinity padlock... or something. {phone ringing} Oh, excuse me one second... Oh, hey bitch! Yeah... yeah it runs like a dream. No, I didn't crash yet! Oh yeah, all good. They just woke up. Cool. See you soon. No you hang up- Oh, she hung up! Oh well. My friend is changing the locks as we speak. {humming}

What do you think of like Mediterranean-style tiles in the porch? I've been watching a lot of architectural digest. I think it could look really ni- hmm? What? What do you mean your life? Your life is with me, bunny, you know that. ...Yeah, yeah, your work, your friends blah blah blah, oh my God. Ugh. I already emailed your boss for you with your resignation. Yeah!

Hmm? Well, your friends think you're going on a trip to Bora Bora so no worries there. {laughs} Why Bora Bora? I don't know, it looks really nice and I thought if you stayed there for a long time they wouldn't argue with it. Who wouldn't want to spend their time in Bora Bora? Speaking of which when I get around to changing my legal name we should really go there. I saw a picture of a really cute turtle from there once. Yeah!

On Pinterest! Yeah, it's on my Pinterest board with um, with my lavender lemonade recipe and uh, the floor plan of your last apartment! {laughs} Uh-huh. I want to say I was thinking of knocking down one of the walls in your old apartment. Again, I really did watch a lot of architectural digest while I was in hiding. {laughs}

So uh, do you like lavender? Hmm? Hello? I'm getting the distinct impression that you're paying more attention to the floor plan of where you used to live over the concept of making and drinking lavender lemonade with me in our new and freshly painted green kitchen. {laughs} Are you keeping up?

Hmm... that's all right, bunny. Yeah... you're gonna be tired, love. I put like four hay fever tablets in that cereal bar you were eating earlier. {laughs} Yeah, I'm gonna need you to clean all those crumbs up out of the back seat tomorrow. I'm trying to keep this car nice. Yeah, like I'm hoping I won't have to set it on fire so I can't have it full of granola crumbs. Mm-hmm.

My point is you're not going to sneeze for the next 24 hours, but you're probably going to fall asleep again soon. Yeah... That's okay, baby. Nothing to worry about. I've got you. Soon we will be home, all tucked in bed. Nothing but you, and me, and ten-thousand paint swatches. {humming}

## Fun Facts

### Real-World References

* Evalina sings *Boys on the Radio* by Hole.
* Bora Bora is a group of islands in French Polynesia.