I'm not getting it, I don't see where my resistance is on the issue of love.

Original link (dead): http://www.abeforum.com/showthread.php?35659-I-m-not-getting-it-I-don-t-see-where-my-resistance-is-on-the-issue-of-love

Backup link: page 1

Author: JudyJudyJudy

Date: 01-06-2014

## Thread Transcript (work-in-progress)

**JudyJudyJudy:**

I'm feeling the pain of not having romantic love, a partner. It seems no matter what I do, whether it's a focus wheel, reaching for a better feeling thought, etc., I can't break through this issue.

I start out okay, and then some married guy asks me out, or some really young guy, etc. I'm not attracting anyone like me. I know that this is an attraction based universe, but I am not attracting "contenders".

Don't be upset with me for the way I expressed myself, this is where I am.

I do have hope, that I will find my way.

**WellBeing**:

> *Originally Posted by **JudyJudyJudy***
> *don't be upset with me for the way I expressed myself, this is where I am*.
>
>

Congratulations! This is the first sign of a little change in your vibration on this topic. You are still beating the drum of "I don't have romantic love" but you are beginning to come to grips with where you are and that is a good thing. As Abe tell us, "You are where you are" (and they even suggest we write that down).
And look what even that little shift has done for you:

> *Originally Posted by **JudyJudyJudy***
> *I start out okay, and then some married guy asks me out, or some really young guy, etc.*
>
>

I understand that these are not what you are looking for but you have to acknowledge that this is an improvement over what you've been telling us has been your experience on this subject. Have you heard Abe say that every subject is really 2 subjects: the Having-of-it and the Lack-of-it? And your job is to shift yourself--slowly, gently, in small steps--towards the Having-of-it end of that stick. So, instead of telling us "I am not attracting anyone" (which is not true according to 2 sentences earlier), you could view this as

"I have had these invitations and, while they are not what I am looking forward to, I am making progress. And I delight that I can pick and choose through these opportunities and I'm looking forward to having more suitable and more frequent and more attractive opportunities coming my way....I've made some progress in the past 6 months and I think it might feel really good for me to take this opportunity to congratulate myself and to milk this progress...."
What do you think?

**Misou**:

You are taking score. You are saying no no not this again anmd in doing so you are focused on what is not. Which brings more of what you dont want.

When someone is attractred to you appreciate the things you do like and ignore the rest,

A married man, gor example, might have so!

me great personality traits you love. Love them even more. Of course your preference is for an unmarried man to be attracted to you. so hold out for what you want. but dont make the apprearance of the unwanted relevant.

So you think..hey now, im attracting menn with things I like. Im getting closer. Thats great. More of these fabulous things please. More more. But I wil wait for the single guy. because thats what I want.

Its no big deal if the married man flirts..it just says hes flirty but you donbt have to flurt back unless you want to.

**JudyJudyJudy**:

Thank you SunLover, I hear you and appreciate you.

I'm not feeling it. I think I am allowing "what it" create for me. I am stuck in "what is".

**JudyJudyJudy**:

> *Originally Posted by **Misou***
>
>
> *You are taking score. You are saying no no not this again anmd in doing so you are focused on what is not. Which brings more of what you dont want.*
>
>
> *When someone is attractred to you appreciate the things you do like and ignore the rest,*
>
>
> *A married man, gor example, might have so!*
>
>
> *me great personality traits you love. Love them even more. Of course your preference is for an unmarried man to be attracted to you. so hold out for what you want. but dont make the apprearance of the unwanted relevant.*
>
>
> *So you think..hey now, im attracting menn with things I like. Im getting closer. Thats great. More of these fabulous things please. More more. But I wil wait for the single guy. because thats what I want.*
>
>
>
> *Its no big deal if the married man flirts..it just says hes flirty but you donbt have to flurt back unless you want to.*
>
>

Yes Misou, I am saying, "no, no, not this again".

And now I feel badly about last night. I thought about what Abe said, "Fun now, doesn't matter..." but it does matter.

**Reema**:

Misou I love your autocorrect  . I love even more that i am a vibrational match to it.

**DailyJoy**:

How do you FEEL when you see a couple experiencing the type of relationship you desire?

Do you celebrate that such love is possible for do you feel jealous?

When every incident where you see what you desire brings about in yourself a feeling of appreciation what you desire must come to you. If you like PDA's and you see a couple holding hands and love that they have found love (without thinking you don't have it -- but think instead that it is a sign to appreciate that you are close to your own desire, that your own desire is certain).

Before you are there in your thoughts, you can go there with deliberate intent. When you notice you feel something else, use your mental process to find a thought that feels better until you find yourself in an automatic state of appreciation when you see others experiencing what you want in your own life.

At that point it will come to you, without fail. It will come if you stay home or go into your backyard and weed (which is where I was when my fiancee found me). When you make yourself a match to love, love will find you.

**JudyJudyJudy**:

I just heard an Abe tape about insecurity and feelings of unworthiness, and I understand that I am stuck in "what is". And I'm just getting more of "what is". But it's been a repeating issue for me, desperately wanting love and doing whatever to get it, and never getting true love.

I want to feel valuable, precious, loved. I want a partner to share my life with. I want to feel self-worth and if only, I would love to feel about myself the way source does. If I could just do that.

**Misou**:

Judy - you don't "find" your value. You declare it!

You see. You proclaim your value! You live your value. You decide your value.

**Reema**

*Originally Posted by **Misou***

*Judy - you don't "find" your value. You declare it!*

You see. You proclaim your value! You live your value. You decide your value.

This is so awesome! Love it Misou.

**Faith**

What sometimes doesn't come through clearly for some people in studying these and other spiritual teachings is that there can be stickier issues that require some "work."

It's fun to listen to the teachings or play on the forums and recognize that shifting your internal state shifts your external reality.

As you play more and more, you get to see that some topics shift more easily than others.

No bigs. It just means you have stronger beliefs on certain topics.

The sticky points are SO worth understanding and cleaning up. They are beliefs you developed at a time when they made sense. The beliefs came about to protect you. They no longer serve you in your current reality. Once you understand them, you can thank them and release them. You can understand how your reality came to be shaped the way it is, and you can step into the reality you prefer.

It's so fun to watch things shift and change. It takes work, love, and a willingness to be real and honest and non-judgmentally present to whatever you are experiencing.

It's really worth it.

**Misou**

yes Judy. That's it. Think on this...from birth to death you are the only person who will always be with you. Isn't a person you spend so much time with worthy of all the love and kindness you wish to shower on another?

Wouldn't that feel good?

**JudyJudyJudy**

> *Originally Posted by **Misou***
>
>
> *yes Judy. That's it. Think on this...from birth to death you are the only person who will always be with you. Isn't a person you spend so much time with worthy of all the love and kindness you wish to shower on another?*
>
>
>
> *Wouldn't that feel good?*
>
>

Yes, what you say is true. I just need to find my way there.

Yesterday, I fell out of the airplane and landed. Yikes.

Today, moving in a better direction..., I can say this, "I am so glad I am not with the wrong person, that I did not choose someone just to be with someone." I am so glad that I can begin again. I want someone who will appreciate me for all of my amazing qualities. I want to appreciate myself, for all of my amazing qualities.

That feels a little bit better.

**JudyJudyJudy**

all wonderful posts, and appreciated.

Last night, a man, I find interesting and have known for several years came for dinner. He and I have much in common, and we have great sexual chemistry, but not for love.

I made a wonderful dinner, we were intimate, and he spent most of the evening telling me that I am wonderful and should go on some dating service to find the right guy. Now, mind you, this guy isn't right for me, somehow I know that, but I wanted him to want me. I felt not used, but somehow taken for granted.

He does not want marriage, many of the women he dates leaves him because he does not want marriage, I thought he would see that he and I have so much in common, that he would want to marry me. How could I be so off in my thinking.

And yes, I did say that I know he is not right for me, but I just wanted to be the one to say no.

This is all very personal, please forgive me.

Then he said, "You need to get on this site and broaden your scope to meet people, you are so wonderful, you don't want to wake up every morning staring at the ceiling in bed, alone..."

That is true. I want a partner.

But deep down inside, I feel like it will never happen, that nobody will love me for who I am. I have been alone for a long time, and yes, I am keeping score, it's reality.

**JudyJudyJudy**

DailyJoy, I feel joy when I see a couple. Sometimes, like at work, everyone is married and they talk about their spouse and I feel left out, not openly, but I think, "Oh my God, I'm the only single person here.."

And I want to believe that I don't need to go on some dating site to find someone. That feels awful, just the thought of hunting like that. That does not feel good.

I always believed Abraham that if the right person was out there, they would find you no matter what. But it has not happened, and I have taken action, trying to find love.

I love love. I watch my favorite movie, Pride and Prejudice and I love that love story. I love the story Ever After..., and how they fall in love. I love knowing couples that really care for each other.

I feel wonderful when I hear about love.

It's just not happening for me. No matter what Abraham technique I use.

**Sunlover**

What would you prefer to believe about yourself?

How do you prefer to feel?

**JudyJudyJudy**

That I am precious and worthy of love.

**Sunlover**

> *Originally Posted by **JudyJudyJudy***
> *That I am precious and worthy of love.*
>
>

Absolutely! Just put your focus in this direction. If you feel good you are headed toward your desire. If not, put your focus back in the right direction.

**JudyJudyJudy**

WellBeing, you are 100% connected with the one thing I am getting right, I know where I am.

At least I acknowledge that I feel unworthy.

**WellBeing**

I'm glad you are feeling better around this subject to-day.

For future reference, when you next fall out of the aeroplane (we all do; it's natural), remember Abe's "prescription" for the best thing to do in that moment (in their order of preference): Take a Nap or Meditate or otherwise Distract yourself from the topic. If you are unable to do any of those, then Go General. It's not the time to start a post or call a friend or "get to the bottom of it" or work your Processes. All of those will only prolong your discomfort because each will add to the negative momentum that you are wanting to let peter out.

> *Originally Posted by **JudyJudyJudy***
> *At least I acknowledge that I feel unworthy.*
>
>

Also, Abe have told us that unworthiness is something that we proclaim for ourselves upon ourselves. There's not another person or being in the Universe that can label you "unworthy;" only ourselves. Which is great because you can change your mind about any topic you want.

In fact, Abe have proclaimed each of us (including you) "worthy beyond measure." So the next time you are having that feeling you can recognise that it is a Bogus Thought and, if you are able to, pay light attention to what thoughts you are thinking then so that later (when you're vibrationally stable, like you might be to-day) you can practise a better-feeling habit of thoughts on whatever it was that you were thinking that created those "unworthy" feelings for you.

**JudyJudyJudy**

> *Originally Posted by **WellBeing***
>
>
> *I'm glad you are feeling better around this subject to-day.*
>
>
>  *For future reference, when you next fall out of the aeroplane (we all do; it's natural), remember Abe's "prescription" for the best thing to do in that moment (in their order of preference): Take a Nap or Meditate or otherwise Distract yourself from the topic. If you are unable to do any of those, then Go General. It's not the time to start a post or call a friend or "get to the bottom of it" or work your Processes. All of those will only prolong your discomfort because each will add to the negative momentum that you are wanting to let peter out.*
>
>
>  *Also, Abe have told us that unworthiness is something that we proclaim for ourselves upon ourselves. There's not another person or being in the Universe that can label you "unworthy;" only ourselves. Which is great because you can change your mind about any topic you want.*
>
>
>
> *In fact, Abe have proclaimed each of us (including you) "worthy beyond measure." So the next time you are having that feeling you can recognise that it is a Bogus Thought and, if you are able to, pay light attention to what thoughts you are thinking then so that later (when you're vibrationally stable, like you might be to-day) you can practise a better-feeling habit of thoughts on whatever it was that you were thinking that created those "unworthy" feelings for you.*
>
>

WellBeing, I understand about taking a nap, etc., when you fall out of the airplane, but I could not even sleep. Starting a thread was the best thing I could do, at the time.

And this contrast was really, really important to me. I have been aching over this situation for years, not really knowing what was wrong.
I realized, I am not looking for a partner, I'm looking for someone to validate me, to value me, to validate me.... That's why it was so painful. Source already validates me, I just separated my self from this.
Now, I have work to do in terms of finding my own value and seeing myself as source sees me. But my God, this was a critical awakening.
I don't want a man to validate me. Not anymore. And it feels like a ton of relief when I had this realization.
Love should be fun. Love is exciting. Dating should be an adventure. Loving myself should be wonderful, encouraging, exciting, magical. That's the direction I need to go in.
I don't want a man to validate me. I want to move in the direction of validating myself, appreciating myself.
And today, I don't feel so lonely. I don't feel like I am desperately looking for a date or a man.
I'm moving in a nice direction. Something so much more comfortable.

**candelonia**

JudyJudyJudy; The fact that you say "this contrast is really important to me" is an indicator of your strong resistance about it. Because really, nothing is more important than that you feel good. Period.

You are worthy beyond your wildest dreams, you are a magnificent being!!! All it takes for you to feel that is that you start caring about YOU feeling good. Leave everyone else out of the equation because YOU and YOUR alignment is all that matters.

And how others treat you is always a perfect reflection of YOUR vibration anyway. No one can do anything to you, it is all your own doing. So the only thing you have to do is tend to YOUR vibration. Find your relief, find your alignment.

Lots and lots of love. ♡