Episode 19: "Can You Feel It, the Warning of the Night?"

*For the final week of Listener Request month, at the suggestion of Carmine Menna we’re chatting about the bonkers 1982 slasher(?) NIGHT WARNING, also known as BUTCHER, BAKER, NIGHTMARE MAKER! In this episode, Michael doubles down on sitcom facts, Nay criticizes white people lunches, and Mark is low key obsessed with Hot Pockets. Plus, in Tea Time we sip on feuding FYRE documentaries, MOTHER, and LA LLORONA.[1]*

## Trivia

Final episode of Listener Request Month. Episode was requested by Carmine Menna. Ernie the sound guy starts a dance party by accidentally playing the show's theme song at one point.

## Tea Time

**Michael:** Both of the Fyre Festival documentaries

**Mark:** Both of the Fyre Festival documentaries

**Nay:** *mother!*

**Brennan:** *La Llorona* (1933), *Santo y* Mantaquilla Napoles En La Veganza De La Llorona (*Revenge of the Crying Woman*)

## Shady Summaries

**Mark:** So here's the thing. This movie is both garbage but also a little bit delicious in all its crazy homophobic-slash-homoerotic glory? So, I'm both into it and I'm also like, "Bleh".

**Brennan:** You're a vampire?

**Mark:** Bleh! Bleh bleh! So I don't know why, probably because I was a little stoned, but I made up a little song for Shady Summary and it's to the tune of the jingle from the commercial for Hot Pockets. Ready?

**Nay:** Mmm-hmm

**Mark:** Okay, here we go. (singing)

When your crazy aunt goes and kills the gay repairman,

she's gonna have a fit (clap clap)

*Night Warning*!

So that's my Shady Summary

**Michael:** Is there more later? 'Cause I hope...

**Mark:** I dunno

**Nay:** Her hot pocket, honey

**Michael:** Yeah, mmm

**Mark:** She really, her hot pocket was too hot

**Nay:** Okay? Too hot to handle

**Michael:** Oven was always on

**Nay:** Warning

**Mark:** Handle with care

**Michael:** Butcher, Baker, What-the-fuck Maker

**Nay:** Auntie Cheryl needs several kinds of therapy

## Pride Float

**Nay:** Would you give it a Pride float?

**Mark:** For the coach, yeah

**Nay:** Yeah

**Mark:** Yeah, for the coach. And for Susan Tyrell's over-the-top drag queen performance. I mean, it is...

**Nay:** Honestly

**Michael:** Yeah. Part of the movie gets a float, and then the other half has to work the parade

**Nay:** Community service. You already know

**Mark:** She tenderizes meat into tears. Like she literally tenderizes meat and bursts into tears. What more do gay people want?

**Michael:** I love that she's tenderizing beef that's as thin as a sheet of paper

**Mark:** It's already been beat within an inch of its life

**Michael:** Or when she mallets Stephanie Vanderkellen over the head? And then the blood's on the door and she takes like a--

**Mark:** Sheer shawl

**Michael:** A sheer scarf that has holes in it to wipe it up

**Mark:** She's like (as Aunt Mama) "Oh, I missed a spot!"

**Michael:** How is no one noticing this door? And let's not forget… (loudly) "Bye, Margie!"

**Mark:** Jesus Christ!

**Nay:** Michael. My God!

**Mark:** Michael, you have to stop doing that!

**Nay:** Jesus

**Mark:** Ow, that hurts!

**Michael:** But I love that she like, mid sentence is like, "Bye, Margie". Amazing

**Mark:** Yeah. She really is- "Goodbye, Margie."

**Michael:** This predates "Bye, Felicia!"

**Mark:** It does! Susan's…

**Nay:** Oh my lord

**Mark:** I dunno, what do you guys think? Pride float?

**Nay:** No. Community service yes

**Mark:** Oh! Okay

**Michael:** Yeah. Yeah!

**Mark:** So community service only

**Brennan:** Okay, so has anyone here seen *Blood Rage*? Again I'm looking at Mark

**Mark:** Mmm-hmm

**Brennan:** She's giving a Louise Lasser performance from *Blood Rage* and I feel like those are linked and we should watch that one soon

**Michael:** Sure!

**Mark:** I think that *Blood Rage* is- we are already overdue for watching, if only for, I mean the opening at the drive-in alone is legendary. It's so gross. So fucked up and gross

**Nay:** I have not seen

**Mark:** You, I think you will dig *Blood Rage*

## Quotes

**Nay:** I'm still just so flustered from traffic

**Mark:** Oh

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** It was bad

**Nay:** It was really bad. I know everyone in  L.A. says that all the time, but sometimes it's worse than the normal bad, you know? You'll be like, "What the fuck. It just took me an hour to drive five miles."

**Mark:** Oh that's bananas

**Nay:** Yeah. And also, the more time you spend in traffic, the more time you spend at red lights with men in cars next to you, and I just like...

**Mark:** What happens?

**Nay:** You know, you're like eating something and they're like, "Can I have some of that?" Which is what happened to me, I was eating the Cheetos on the way here

**Michael:** Oh really?

**Nay:** Yeah. And I'm just like, "Does that *ever* work for you?"

**Mark:** Yeah. Does that line, does that...

**Nay:** Does it?

**Mark:** Have you ever had the impulse to lower your window and be like, (Valley Girl voice) "Ohmigod, yah!" (normal voice) And sort of dangle something just to see

**Nay:** Absolutely not

**Michael:** It's like, why do men feel the need to enter everyone's space, everywhere?

**Nay:** Yeah. I think that anyone that has men ever talk to them that way regardless of gender, you learn how to try to avoid eye contact, like you're literally just looking above them. It's like they keep staring and it's like, "I know you were waiting for that single blip of a moment..."

**Mark:** The opener

**Nay:** "Where my eye is just kind of like..."

**Michael:** Cross yours?

**Nay:** Cross yours

**Michael:** Yeah

**Nay:** It's not gonna happen. It's just not

**Mark:** Especially not in traffic on Wilshire

**Nay:** No. Exactly

**Michael:** And it's like dark out

**Nay:** Also you can't have any of my fucking Cheetos. If you yelled out your window and were like, "Hey gorgeous I wanna buy you a thousand more bags of those Cheetos." Like, maybe I would roll my window down?

**Mark:** And be like, "I'm listening.:

**Nay:** Yeah. Actually just Venmo me, I'll get the Cheetos on my own. But that's just not what happens

**Michael:** Were you eating regular Cheetos or the jalapeño ones?

**Mark:** Flamin' hot?

**Nay:** I was actually eating the puffy ones

**Michael:** Ohh. I love the jalapeño ones

**Nay:** I love the jalapeño ones too

**Mark:** I am not familiar with the jalapeño ones

**Michael:** The jalapeño ones?

**Nay:** The puffy ones?

**Mark:** Mm-mm

**Michael:** The puffy ones are like a green bag

**Nay:** Yes

**Michael:** So delicious

**Nay:** Are they jalapeño and lime or something? I dunno

**Michael:** I think they're just straight up jalapeño

**Nay:** I don't think I've ever disliked a Cheeto. Any of them

**Mark:** I mean, they're all pretty good. The only ones I don't like are like the cheese doodle ones that are like, just overly puffy. I like a little crunch to them

**Michael:** Yes. I don't like the puffy ones either

**Nay:** That's what I was eating

**Mark:** *Ohh.*

**Nay:** Puffy ones

**Mark:** No, I mean the ones that are, wait, are they...

**Nay:** They're like a long puff

**Mark:** Oh! Okay.

**Nay:** Yeah

**Mark:** Then I don't know that I would like those

**Michael:** Those look like a packing peanut, kind of

**Nay:** Yes

**Mark:** I don't know that I would like those then. But maybe because they're spicy I would change my mind

**Michael:** (announcer voice) "*Attack of the Queerwolf!* brought to you by Cheetos"

**Nay:** Cheetos

**Mark:** Frito-Lay

**Brennan:** Now it's *Attack of Chester the Cheetah*

**Michael:** Oh, he could do our mascot!

**Nay:** He could do our-- (starts laughing hard)

**Brennan:** You mean like an OnlyFans video?

**Mark:** Wow, for our OnlyFans page. The Queerwolf and Chester the Cheetah?

**Michael:** People would pay good money for that. There are some people that love that shit

**Nay:** I wish I was an illustrator

**Michael:** Me too. Someone get on that

**Mark:** Listeners, if you feel like sending some sort of...

**Michael:** Please do

**Mark:** Like sort of Chester Cheetah/Queerwolf slash fic pictures?

**Michael:** Have we named our boo?

**Mark and Nay:** No

**Brennan:** That's not something you jump into lightly

**Nay:** Right

**Brennan:** First of all, I'm Brennan and by the way I produce our OnlyFans page

**Michael:** Yeah, if anyone wants to put that together, go for it. I'd love to see that

**Nay:** Yeah

**Brennan:** If you text it, just make sure the invisible function is on, please

**Nay:** How silly

**Michael:** I actually stayed up- Brian went to bed early the other night and so I was like, "I'm gonna stay up late and watch a movie." And I watched the Hulu one, which is *Fyre Fraud*… as *soon* as it was over, went right to Netflix. I was like, I *have* to see this one

**Mark:** Nay, have you seen them?

**Nay:** No. I started one and then stopped it and was like, "I will need an attention span for that. Maybe some other time."

**Michael:** I don't get how anybody- People in both documentaries are like, "He is just so *smart*,  and he was just so great at getting money."

**Mark:** People wanna believe

**Michael:** You take one look at him and I'm like, "That's a dirtbag piece of shit."

**Mark:** Yeah. I know, the sort of coke bloat-y kind of like...

**Michael:** Yeah

**Mark:** Bluh-bluh stuttering. I found *Fyre Fraud*- first of all, both of these documentaries I found *so* stressful...

**Michael:** Yes

**Mark:** Because you're watching people willfully defraud, or willfully engage in like this ponzi scheme of fleecing people, stealing money essentially from people who have this dream of going to some kind of island paradise or whatever

**Michael:** For four days

**Mark:** For four days and for like a *ridiculous* amount of money. And then you watch them sort of spend that money on something, and then- rob Peter in order to pay Paul over and over again and over and over again. And it is *so* stressful to watch, for me, where I just was like, "These people are insane, these people are insane." And I found myself so stressed out watching the first one--

**Michael:** I was yelling at the television

**Mark:** Oh yeah

**Michael:** Yeah. Yeah. 'Cause I kept going, "I do not believe you!" I kept saying that to the TV, 'cause every person involved in both documentaries kept being like, "We really thought he could pull it off." I'm like, "No you didn't. There's no fucking way you thought this dude could pull this off in six months. Every person in your industry says it takes twelve months to eighteen months to do, yet he happened to find the *thirty* people that thinks they can do it in six? You're full of shit! You're absolutely full of shit. You knew you were part of the scheme, you just don't want to admit it." I'm pissed right now.

**Mark:** My favorite part was only in the aftermath when Ja Rule was like, they were like, "That's fraud!" And he was like, "No it's not, it's just broken promises." Or something like that, or like false promises or something

**Michael:** And the way they're (unintelligible) everybody. This is problematic too!

**Mark:** You know, I remember when this became a giant thing on Twitter in 2017

**Michael:** The cheese sandwich, man

**Mark:** The cheese sandwich, you know, it was a total schadenfreude explosion and people loved laughing about it and they loved sort of the kind of, "Look at these dumb..."

**Michael:** "These rich people got fleeced."

**Mark:** "These dumb rich assholes got fleeced out of their money ha ha ha." And then, however, especially I think *Fyre*, the Netflix documentary *Fyre* really goes into the fallout of like, you know, the Bahaminians who were ripped off, they weren't paid for their labor. Miss Rolle, I wanna say, the woman who owned the restaurant who was doing essentially craft service

**Michael:** Yes. Lost her- fifty grand, her life savings

**Mark:** Happy ending, they raised like three times that on a GoFundMe for her, so thank God. But it really truly is infuriating and it's just fascinating because you know,  all it took was an orange square on Instagram and for what's-her-face, the one...

**Michael:** Kendall Jenner? Was the big one

**Mark:** (as Kendall Jenner) "Join the conversation!"

**Michael:** Well the thing that annoyed me most about the Netflix one is that it was produced by the dudes that were in charge of the marketing for the festival

**Mark:** Yeah, and you know, I heard that the *Fyre Fraud* documentary on Hulu, they paid Billy Whatever-the--

**Michael:** Billy McFarlane?

**Mark:** Billy McFarlane for his time which is also a little, y'know

**Michael:** It's a little shady, but it's

**Mark:** But you know, whatever

**Michael:** I love that everyone was like, "He was such an entrepreneur when he was five!" I'm like- they would describe what he was doing at five years old. Like, he was scamming people at five, y'know? He broke into the computer mainframe in his grade school and like, if you went to use any of these handheld computers, they weren't like laptops they were these weird little, they almost looked like label makers that they showed

**Mark:** Yeah. I did not understand that

**Michael:** If you turned it on, it would say, "Come find Billy McFarlane to buy crayons." And they were like, "He was so clever!" And it's like, no! He broke into the computer system at school at age eight!

**Mark:** He was a little scammer

**Nay:** That's clever

**Michael:** He was. His fuckyness was right there in front of you from age five on

**Mark:** Before we move on to what Nay's been watching, I said, "Bah-hah-mainians". Did I sound like Cher Horowitz in *Clueless*? Like, "Hat-ians! The hat-ians can come-" is that...

**Michael:** Isn't it "Bahame-ian"? I think it's "Bahame-ian"

**Mark:** Okay, so. Hi, I'm a moron. Nay, what have you been watching?

**Michael:** (as Cher Horowitz) "I like totally paused!"

**Mark:** I would just really like a spin-off (from *Keeping up with the Kardashians*) where it's only Kourtney at a kitchen island stabbing a salad for like, thirty minutes at a time

**Nay:** I would pay to watch any Kourtney spin-off

**Michael:** I would pay to watch any of them do the New York Times Crossword Puzzle. I don't know why that would be so funny to me

**Nay:** I would like to just *do* the crossword puzzle for them, and...

**Michael:** True, true

**Nay:** Just be in their presence

**Mark:** I can't really do the crossword puzzle...

**Michael:** I can't either

**Mark:** After Wednesday is when I feel like my brain is leaking out of my ears and I'm like, (weakly) "Hint. Hint."

**Nay:** I mean, I don't do any crossword puzzles. I hate games and nonsense, but for the Kardashian-Jenners, I would do it

**Michael:** Would you do a puzzle?

**Mark:** Like puzzle puzzle?

**Michael:** Like a puzzle puzzle?

**Nay:** I just feel like life is a puzzle and I just...

**Michael:** 'Cause I was in Palm Springs this past weekend

**Nay:** Okay

**Michael:** And we did a thousand-piece puzzle. Brian and I went with two other couples. So six of us, and we had this puzzle and I was like, "I'm not gonna do no fuckin' puzzle," kind of like that

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** And I saw them doing it--

**Mark:** Did you say that? Like, (mock angrily) "I'm not gonna do no fucking puzzle!"

**Michael:** Yeah, and I kind of got FOMO watching them do the puzzle and then I started doing it and it was like, it was amazing

**Mark:** It's really relaxing

**Michael:** Weirdly, weirdly it was a stress reliever, yeah

**Mark:** It can be, yeah

**Nay:** I mean, I absolutely believe that lots of the things I'm not trying are stress relievers. I believe that

**Mark:** I am dying to hear what you have to say about (*mother!)*

**Nay:** Okay, I- so on a baseline, I was just so stressed out the whole time. I feel like I often have dreams where I'm yelling at people to do the obvious thing, or to like help, or I always feel misunderstood. And I feel like Jennifer Lawrence in this movie, the whole time she's like, "Get the fuck out of my house!" No one's fucking listening and I just, I was like erupting in anger. I was so mad, because it just felt, there had to be some reason why no one's fucking listening, like I don't understand. Of course it went places I never imagined, like, "Oh! Okay."

**Mark:** Yeah

**Nay:** But I, I really loved it

**Mark:** Me too

**Nay:** I really really loved it

**Michael:** Oh!

**Mark:** I'm so glad to hear you say that, 'cause I love it too. Like every time I admit that, it's like I get some looks from people that I said like, (sotto voce) "I love dog poop," or you know, something and I love it, I love it, too

**Brennan:** Can I talk about what I've been watching?

**Mark:** Ugh, fine, Brennan

**Nay:** As long as it's not *fourteen* *Children of the Corn* movies

**Michael:** Yeah, seriously

**Mark:** If it's like *Children of the Corn 37*, no

**Brennan:** I'm starting a new marathon

**Nay:** Oh Lord

**Brennan:** Because I don't know if you're aware but there's a movie that's called *The Curse of La Llorona* that's coming out?

**Mark:** Yes

**Brennan:** It stars Linda Cardellini going, "Ah." And Mexican things, basically, so not super excited about that, so I decided I'm going to watch all the movies I can get my hands on about La Llorona. There's like twenty of them

**Mark:** Yeah, there's a bunch

**Brennan:** Yeah, and 'cause I love that legend and that bit of folklore, the short version of it: A woman who was cheated in some way by her husband, because men are awful, in a fit of rage she drowns her kids and her ghost just wanders around trying to find her kids, basically drowning anyone she finds in the process

**Mark:** Medea. It's like Medea

**Nay:** *Madea*!!!

**Mark:** It is

**Brennan:** Yeah. *BOO! A Medea Halloween*

**Mark:** Not *Ma*-dea, but *Me*-dea, Medea

**Nay:** Madea

**Mark:** I didn't mean the...

**Nay:** No

**Michael:** You don't mean Tyler Perry?

**Nay:** But imagine

**Mark:** I'm sensitive that. I was like, (nerdy voice) "Everyone's (something) at me!"

**Nay:** Imagine a Madea-La Llorona crossover. I would fucking die

**Brennan:** I mean the next one is a funeral, so maybe there could be, maybe it's for the kids?

**Mark:** I mean, Madea versus La Llorona is--

**Brennan:** I would watch the hell out of that. That would be part of my marathon

**Mark:** I'm like, "I guess I'd watch it."

**Michael:** I'm into it

**Mark:** She'd be like, (as Madea) "Hellurrr. I'm so starving! La Lloroner."

**Brennan:** Anyway

**Nay:** Oh God, no! No!

**Brennan:** La Lloro-no

**Brennan:** I watched a 1933 black and white movie called *La Llorona*, which is apocryphally referenced as the first horror film from Mexico ever. Also, it was surprisingly relevant to the modern conversation, because in this particular version, the Llorona is an indigenous person in Mexico who is cheated by a European imperialist from Spain, and he decides to marry a Spanish woman even though he has impregnated this indigenous person. And basically this La Llorona ghost or curse or whatever is visited upon like, through a lot of Aztec and Mayan imagery and used to destroy the white people who have ruined Mexico. It's really interesting

**Nay:** Wow. Sounds excellent

**Brennan:** Yeah. There are some spotty moments in the movie itself. There's a wedding that lasts like ten minutes and it just pans past faces of people watching a wedding for way too long

**Nay:** God, like all weddings. You're like, "Is it over? Jesus Christ!"

**Brennan:** It was like watching the royal wedding

**Mark:** "Congratulations, you love each other."

**Michael:** Right. Just stand in front of the judge and invite me to the party after

**Nay:** Yeah. Exactly

**Brennan:** It's a little slow, but there's a lot of interesting subtext there

**Brennan:** (*Santo y* Mantaquilla Napoles En La Veganza De La Llorona) stars Santo, he's an icon of the Mexican screen. He's a Mexican wrestler who fights monsters and different things and he's a hero with a heart that is pure. And literally in the movie someone offers him a lot of money to open a tomb and he's like, "First of all, I don't do that. Second of all, I will only do that if the money goes to children's hospitals."

**Nay:** Wow

**Brennan:** He's just like this really pure character and he appeared in like sixty movies from like the sixties to the eighties. Anyway, he teams up with a boxer to, well--

**Mark:** How many movies a year is that? From the sixties to the eighties?

**Brennan:** It's a lot. A lot

**Mark:** Oh my God!

**Brennan:** He's like the Roger Corman of starring in movies

**Mark:** Wow!

**Brennan:** But yeah, he was a real luchador at the time and the hilarious thing is that no matter what in any of his dialogue scenes, any of his non-wrestling scenes, he's always wearing his silver mask. So there's a part where he's at a meeting in a suit, but he still has the luchador mask on

**Nay:** Hot

**Brennan:** It's intense

**Nay:** That's hot

**Brennan:** And there's a lot of sequences, he teams up with a boxer to do this La Llorona thing, and there's a lot of cutscenes where it's just one of them on the couch watching the other one in a match on TV going, "Yay!"...He wears a mask all the time, it's great. There's, you know, again, it's a movie from the seventies, it has its patchier places but he fights mafiosos, there's an ancient witch involved who is made up like *Hedwig and the Angry Inch* at one point. It's a very exciting movie

**Mark:** I dunno, it sounds like a good time

**Nay:** Is that ancient witch that you say I'm dressed like today?

**Brennan:** Yeah, when she comes back as this likes super hot ancient witch, she's got this gold lamé suit or dress on, she's fantastic. Also Santo wears a bunch of Seventies sweaters that make him look like a dad in a wrestling mask.

**Nay:** Also hot. I like that

**Brennan:** Yeah, the movie's great

**Mark:** I dunno. I'm into it

**Brennan:** Anyway, I'm gonna report back from the La Llorona fronts in the future, but there's a lot of exciting things going on over here

**Mark:** Lot of crying women getting revenge

**Brennan:** Basically. Into it

**Mark:** Into it. Big mood

**Mark:** What masterpiece are we covering today?

**Nay:** Which name of this movie would you like for us to talk about first?

**Mark:** I mean, you know, I mean, liisten

**Michael:** Neither title makes sense, though

**Nay:** Does it? All right folks. What we mean by that: We're here to talk about *Night Warning*, which I don't really feel like makes any sense

**Michael:** Right

**Mark:** As opposed to *Day Warning*

**Michael:** *Life Warning*?

**Mark:** I dunno

**Nay:** Or *The Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker*

**Mark:** Yeah

**Nay:** I guess *Nightmare Maker* would've...

**Mark:** Famous idioms

**Nay:** Yeah

**Mark:** Drop that in conversation any time, you know

**Nay:** Mmm-hmm

**Mark:** Butcher, baker, nightmare maker

**Nay:** I've been all three at different times in my life

**Michael:** Yeah, yeah

**Nay:** Yeah

**Brennan:** This trailer's hilarious because it's one of those trailers where *they're really* trying to lie about what this movie's about

**Michael:** Oh yeah, it looks like a slasher movie

**Mark:** Can't imagine why

**Brennan:** Yeah. I mean it's not not a slasher movie--

**Michael:** It's a slasher movie in the last four minutes

**Brennan:** They're making it look like a completely different slasher movie

**Mark:** Where would you begin (with Aunt Cheryl in therapy)? Where would you stick her first?

**Nay:** You know…

**Michael:** (chuckling) Where would you stick her first?

**Nay:** I mean, first we gotta get a *good* working diagnosis

**Michael:** Yes. Absolutely. And then maybe some medication?

**Nay:** If, you know...

**Mark:** First Barbizon because she wants to cut hair, it makes her feel better, you know, I think

**Nay:** True

**Michael:** (laughing) Fuck! (unintelligible)

**Nay:** I can't

**Mark:** You know, just give her some skills. You know, empower her, you know. And then, and then perhaps cognitive behavioral therapy for her

**Michael:** The movie is so confusing

**Brennan:** This movie was recommended to us by our listener Carmine, and I have a very short clip of him. He is from Norway, actually

**Michael:** Oh, cool!

**Mark:** Hi Carmine

**Brennan:** And he was very kind to leave us this even though he wasn't super confident about his English. which like most people who aren't super confident about their English have much better English than us sitting here. So this is his short introduction as to why he chose this movie.

**Carmine:** (his message has a slight echo to it due to where he recorded his message) Hi, my name is Carmine. I chose *Night Warning* because I think it really has some queer elements and it even has a queer character. Was really curious to hear your analysis of it. Looking forward to hearing it. Bye!

**Nay:** First of all, are you a ghost, Carmine

**Mark:** Carmine. Carmine. Carmine, are you in a well? Oh my God. You guys, Carmine sounds really sweet and I'm really worried about Carmine

**Nay:** I'm shook

**Michael:** A well!

**Mark:** (as Carmine) "Also, please watch *Night Warning*! Also, please help me out of this well!"

**Michael:** It's funny you should mention that, because someone was talking to me about Baby Jessica this week. Remember her?

**Nay:** Yes

**Michael:** Yeah

**Nay:** That was a *big* deal

**Michael:** Big story, yeah. The TV movie's a fucking riot

**Nay:** Falling in a well was one of my main childhood fears. I feel like that's how you know you grew up in the country. Like, "Don't fall in a well, you'll have to be put in a hyperbaric chamber, um, to get all the feeling in your limbs back."

**Michael:** Wow!

**Nay:** I mean if you survive

**Michael:** Baby Jessica. Remember when Cheri Oteri played her on *SNL*?

**Mark:** I remember my mom and I, when I came home from school during- I never really got into soaps, but there was one, she was hooked on *All My Children* for like a minute and it was the period when Kelly Ripa was on

**Michael:** Oh wow

**Mark:** And it was about Janet from Another Planet, like Janet and- anyway, I dunno. Somebody's sister showed up in town, it was her twin, it was the actress playing both roles and she was so pathologically jealous of her rich beautiful sister that she pushed her into a well

**Nay:** Yes!

**Mark:** And then cut her hair and dyed it and pretended to *be* her

**Michael:** Ohh, so good

**Nay:** Oh my God

**Mark:** And Kelly Ripa was like the only one who was onto it. She was just like, "I know." The whole arc lasted for like three months or something, you know how they stretch the fuck out of it. And it ended with Kelly Ripa tied to a chair going, "You'll never get away with it, Janet!" You know, like whatever

**Michael:** So great

**Mark:** And now every time I see her on that talk show, I'm like, "You're, I..."

**Nay:** *That* talk show?

**Mark:** "You saved, was it Natalie? You saved Natalie from the well." But anyway, that's what I think about when I think about wells

**Michael:** Natalie in the well

**Nay:** Reminds me of *The Ring*

**Michael:** Yeah. Good film

**Nay:** Mmm-hmm.

**Mark:** We'll do anything not to talk about *Night Warning*

**Nay:** Thanks, Carmine!

**Michael:** Thank you, Carmine!

**Nay:** You know, like I usually do, it took me a few times to really like get through the first...

**Michael:** Finish?

**Nay:** Yes! *Yes*! I was like, "Will I ever finish this movie? I keep getting distracted."

**Mark:** Stay awake?

**Nay:** Yeah, when I first texted y'all about watching it, it was over a week ago

**Mark:** You just texted like, "Uh."

**Mark:** The main points of interest for this movie are, I guess, you know, Susan Tyrell is a legitimate actress. She was a legitimate stage actress

**Nay:** Yes

**Mark:** She really turns it out in this movie. Like she goes for broke, all right?

**Michael:** Yes

**Nay:** Oh yeah

**Michael:** All in

**Mark:** Say what you will about *Night Warning*, whatever its foibles are, Susan Tyrell is bananas

**Michael:** Never thought I'd hear those words strung together. "Say what you will about *Night Warning*."

**Nay:** I completely agree. She is amazing

**Michael:** All in!

**Nay:** Lean the fuck in! Lean the fuck in, girl!

**Mark:** She was a phenomenal actress

**Michael:** She's great

**Nay:** Also, there was this quote from her journal, not long before she died. She says, "I demand my death be joyful and I never return again."

**Mark:** Whoa

**Nay:** And I just kind of live for that

**Mark:** Legend!

**Nay:** Yeah, right? Bad bitch

**Mark:** Oh my God!

**Michael:** Wow, what a thing to say! It's great. Can we talk about her journal?

**Nay:** That's all I know about it

**Brennan:** Were there any entries in her journal about her appearance in *Rockula*? Which is a movie I love, with Dean Cameron

**Nay:** This is the only fact I know about her journal

**Brennan:** Awww. I just figured since you had stolen it to peruse

**Mark:** Aside from Susan Tyrell's legendary go-for-broke performance, the other most notable thing about the movie, other than a spectacular kill up at the top, which predates *Final Destination 2*...

**Michael:** *Final Destination 2*?

**Mark:** Is the off-the-charts homophobic, gay homo panic kind of- it's like the movie starts and you go like, "Oh, there was a gay thing." And then it just keeps going

**Michael:** Yeah, and it's like...

**Mark:** And it's like (deep butch voice) "Gay fag! Gay fag!"

**Michael**: What's with the cock?

**Mark:** And it's like, "Oh my God! *Night Warning*, relax!"

**Michael:** "Why are you so mad?"

**Nay:** I know so many folks talked about like that pointing to that cop's probably gay--

**Mark:** (snores)

**Nay:** And I just hate, I get so tired of that trope

**Michael:** I do too

**Nay:** Where it's like, "Oh, you protest too much, too loudly. You must be the gay." and it's like, "Yeah. Sometimes that's true." As someone who spent a lot of years in the church and said probably a thousand times I wasn't gay, I realize that

**Mark:** You're gay?

**Nay:** Right? I know that's a thing, but it's just so old

**Michael:** And it's lazy. And it's actually really insulting in a lot of ways

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** 'Cause like when people do it with Pence it really pisses me off. It's like, why are you equating his evil with being a homosexual? It pisses me off

**Mark:** I really resent it. It's just a weird way for queer people to have to shoulder their own abuse...

**Nay:** Yes

**Mark:** Or the abuse that's brought onto them and it's really...

**Nay:** Absolutely

**Mark:** (singing) Fucking annoying!

**Michael:** Well, you never...

**Mark:** I just feel like singing today. I don't know what it is. (singing to the tune of "Rhythm of the Night") Can you feel it, the warning of the night?

**Michael:** The thing about it that's most annoying is it's just so lazy

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** You're not clever, y'know? Like, whatever

**Nay:** Also, even if that person does end up you know, coming out of the closet, being gay or whatnot, still fuck you.

**Michael:** Right

**Nay:** I still take responsibility for the homophobic shit I said before I came out

**Michael:** Yes

**Nay:** You know? I'm like, "You were a dick for that." And so, I don't really care if you're secretly gay or don't know it yet. Still fuck you. That's gonna last no matter what

**Michael:** Right. Like there's a guy, I think today, after thirty years of running gay conversion therapy, he came out and said he's ready to live his life as a gay man. My first thought was, "You're still a fuckin' prick."

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** Nothing, you're like, you don't automatically just get washed away

**Nay:** No

**Mark:** Well, you know, hopefully someone like that is going to walk the walk in terms of, you know, I think it's all well and good that after thirty-four years of marriage this guy is finally deciding to *be* honest about his identity and live a sort of honest life. That said, you know, I don't have any idea how much damage he inadvertently inflicted along the way

**Michael:** Well that's the thing. And purposely did

**Mark:** Yeah. And so, you know, you hope that someone like that is going to figure out a way to A: Forgive themselves, right? They have to

**Michael:** Right

**Mark:** I know that may not be a popular thing to say or whatever, but I mean, if this person does not forgive themselves, they're not going to figure out ways to sort of rectify the damage they have done. I dunno. I'm big on everyone forgiving themselves and moving forward in smarter, healthier ways

**Nay:** He needs to give away all of his money. I mean, reparations *now*. You need to like...

**Mark:** Well, there's a start.

**Michael:** He needs to forgive himself but let's hope it takes him a bit of time, too, 'cause there's a little worry in me that someone like that automatically washes themselves clean, you know?

**Nay:** Mmm-hmm. I'm not a nice person so I don't care if he ever forgives himself. Like, you can live in fucking anguish till you die. I don't care

**Michael:** I hope he reaches out to every single kid he tried to like, quote-unquote "convert"

**Nay:** If they're alive

**Michael:** Yeah

**Mark:** I dunno. I feel like so much of the ugliness going on right now has to do with people who just hate themselves or *hate*...

**Michael:** Or hate other people?

**Mark:** And then turn it out on other people, so whether you know, whether they do it from the comfort of an armchair, quote-unquote "reparative therapy" or just you know, through hateful legislation, whatever, I dunno. Just like, fuck, man.

**Michael:** (singing to the tune of the Hot Pockets jingle) *Night Warning*!

**Mark:** (singing to the tune of [x]) "Warning of the night, whoah-ohhhh"

**Michael:** I love it when Mark sings

**Mark:** All I'm doing is thinking of...

**Michael:** Lyrics?

**Mark:** *Night Warning* songs

**Nay:** I was reading something about, what's the young boy's name in this?

**Michael:** Billy

**Mark:** Billy

**Nay:** Billy. Everyone questioning Billy's sexuality and people saying that because he grew up without a dad, he could be gay and it had me thinking a lot about all the reasons why people quote-unquote "become gay"

**Michael:** Right

**Nay:** And I was thinking about how when I came out to my mom, she mentioned, 'cause you know I grew up with my mom and her sisters without a father, and my mom being like, you know, "Did this happen 'cause you don't have a dad?" And I was just like, (sighs). I wanna ask you both, what are some of your fave ways to be turned gay? Because like, I just, people are constantly listing, looking for an explanation when there doesn't need to be one

**Michael:** Right

**Nay:** And I think, for me, that one question, my favorite question my mom asked me after I came out, she was like, "Do you think this is 'cause you can't get a man?"

**Michael:** Ooof

**Nay:** No, I'm sorry. She said, "Is it 'cause you can't get a man?"

**Mark:** (disappointed) Dab!

**Nay:** Dab! Right. And I was like, "First of all, had them." Like if you are breathing or not, anyone that wants to have sex with a man can.

**Michael:** Yeah!

**Nay:** I'm not saying sex with one that you wanna, I'm just saying that if the desire is there to engage in sex with men, there *will* be a man that will fuck you. That's not, that's not- I have been hit on, sitting in the emergency room, puking into a fucking bag. Like it doesn't even matter

**Mark:** Some guy was like, "How you doin'?"

**Nay:** Yeah, no. For real!

**Michael:** Into it

**Mark:** Ugh!

**Nay:** Yeah.

**Mark:** I'm so sorry

**Michael:** (as a straight guy) "You gonna save that bag for me?"

**Nay:** (as a straight guy) "Yeah. Girl, I would drink your bathwater!"

**Mark:** Oh, man

**Michael:** I thought you were gonna say out of the bag

**Mark:** (groans) Ewwww

**Nay:** So yeah, what are some of your...

**Michael:** It's funny you bring that up, because over the holidays, I had a conversation with my mother. And when I came out to my mom, well over a decade ago, she, her reply was, "I figured," you know. But she also had her mom moments and her Catholic moments of just being like, you know, "What does this mean," type stuff. But throughout the last few years, especially since I've been dating Brian, she treats me like any of her other kids, and there's a part of me that's like, why do we laud people for doing that? It's like, you know, I *am* just one of your other kids. But at the same time, I'm really proud of her. She's grown. But we were speaking over the break, and I realized I had never revealed to my mother how horribly bullied I was as a child. She didn't know a lot of it and I was telling her, and like I could cry. 'Cause the look of heartbreak when I told her was devastating. And then besides asking me, "Did I do something as a mother that you felt you couldn't tell me," was devastating too, because there was no reason. A lot of it was about me not knowing I was gay fully and being bullied for it. So it was, I told her, "I didn't know what to do as a thirteen-year-old because I thought A: I would have been outing myself to you," that kind of thing. But she actually did have a little bit of like a moment, too, where she goes, "Do you think that might have played into anything?" Which was her way of asking, "Do you think being bullied about being gay made you gay?", you know? And I love her and I don't think she was malicious about it in any way, but it's funny, 'cause I'm thirty-eight and like that shit still happens.

**Nay:** Yeah. It's like, do you think that works? Can someone please bully me for thinking that I'm wealthy or something?

**Michael:** Right!

**Nay:** Do I become wealthy because of it?

**Mark:** "Everyone just hates me because I'm rich!"

**Nay:** "They hate me because I'm *so* rich!"

**Mark:** It's like, "I'm sorry but I'm wealthy."

**Nay:** You know, my mom...

**Michael:** But I love my mom and it was a great conversation and I'm so glad we had it, you know?

**Nay:** Of course

**Michael:** And now she knows something about me that she never knew before

**Nay:** You know, when my mom and I, in that initial conversation, there was of course a lot of back-and-forth and her saying some wild shit, like I mentioned earlier. And eventually she was just like. "You know. I'm scared. I'm just so scared of what people might say or do to you." And I was like, "Well don't say or do any of those things."

**Michael:** Oh my God, that's so great

**Nay:** And she literally was like, "Oh. Do you want a sandwich?" She was like, "Oh duh, I'm being a bitch right now and you're absolutely right." And I, my mom and I have those moments, which I am really grateful for, even though I think it's like basic good behavior for you to...

**Michael:** Right. Yeah

**Nay:** Yeah. So I hear that. And I think that she's come a long way, too. And I'll think that, "Oh, I've taken partners home. I've done all these things I never imagined I could do," but at the end of the day when she passes me her phone to show me something on Facebook and I'm like, "Well you still follow all these 'I love Trump pages'," I'm like, "You still fuckin' hate my people.'"And so whether you're tolerating me or being nice or whatever you're doing, at the end of the day, tolerance isn't enough, and so I'm like, "Yeah, thanks mom for not being a total asshole that I need to cut out of my life, but at the same time…"

**Michael:** You have those thoughts because I know I do.

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** Because my family for the most part supports the *opposite* of what I support, y'know. For me I still can't fully grasp the disconnect that other people have. I literally can't. I-I like to try to put it in words, like right now, I can't. 'Cause I'm like, "But I'm standing right in front of you. And I don't wanna make it all about me, but I'm standing right in front of you."

**Nay:** Yeah. I will literally say to my mom, I'll be like, "If you support this President and all these other kind of various things that you support," but in the moment we're talking about Trump, I'm like, "If you support this, you support someone who is directly contributing to the death of my communities. So you don't get to be like, 'But I'm your mom. I gave birth to you. Oh I love you but you're different. Oh but you're these things.' Because this is what you fuckin' do. People like you, other people, people in our family. Y'all hold these beliefs and it doesn't matter what you end up believing about me because people like you sit on juries.They do all these other things. They make decisions that absolutely contribute to the deaths of my people."

**Michael:** The thing I always say to people is, it's like, "You may have voted for him for reason A, but when you vote for somebody and they get into office, you voted for every single thing about them whether you disagree with it or not. So yeah, you may not *feel* anti-gay, or anti-queer, but your actions are related *to* that anti-queer stance that he has, that his administration has and stuff. So yeah, I get it. You may not feel that way, that's not why you voted for him. But you voted *for* that part of him, too. It's there. It didn't go away." Anyway. *Night Warning*.

**Mark:** Your question made me think of the whole Bryan Singer article that dropped yesterday, from The Atlantic. Which is…

**Michael:** Devastating?

**Mark:** I dunno. It *might* be triggering to some readers, listeners, whatever. It was to me, in a way, 'cause I, you know, you asked that question in jest, right? Like, "What are the ways that people turn you gay?" You know?

**Nay:** Your *favorite* way

**Mark:** Your *favorite* way. *My personal favorite*…

**Michael:** *Grease 2*!

**Mark:** And it really brought me back. Reading that article brought me back to when I was sixteen and doing community theatre and I had moved to the states by then, and community theatre you know, in suburban Atlanta. And you know, I got to be part of a show where it was me and another kid, who fuckin' died a couple of years ago. More than a couple of years ago. But we were the youngest people in the cast and the cast was entirely gay men. And, you know, middle age to *nearly* middle age gay men. And I had not had any proximity to any queer people in any kind of honest to God way at that time, so I was just so desperate to be *seen*. Even if I could not *say* what I was, even if I could not actively speak any kind of truth out loud, like I wanted so badly to be seen and be told I was okay. And I got that in a way. I ended up, my first kiss was, you know, with someone who was twenty years older than me. And it was not- it was weird, because I, at the time of course I was a perfectly willing participant because I was *starved* for any kind of physical contact. I was starved for any kind of… anything. But in the years and the interim since, and especially in reading this article there was a passage in this article yesterday that talked about how, you know, even for young people who are willing participants when they're engaging in sexual activity with someone who's much older, you know, there can still be after effects in the sense that it's not rape. I would never in a million years call it rape, I would never call it assault. Certainly not what happened to *me*, anyway. I can't speak for anyone else and certainly not for anyone in that article, goodness knows. But I remember having a kind of weird feeling because I remember in the years since, I remember thinking what I needed was someone to tell me I was okay, not someone to show me what to do. You know? And so, it's weird. It's like when you asked the joke, "What's your favorite way of being turned gay?" It's like well, at least when I was growing up, so many people, certainly down south, seemed to have this idea that, you know, you could be plucked by some creepy man and taken to some, you know--

**Michael:** Programming clinic?

**Mark:** And yes, you would be programmed

**Nay:** Recruited

**Michael:** Recruited.

**Mark:** Recruited

**Michael:** That was the word

**Mark:** Thank you. And obviously that's not the case. I dunno where I'm going with this, but I just remember being like, "Uch, yeah." And I remember having a moment where like, would I still be this way if I had not done it? Obviously the answer is, "Yes. Yes you would, Mark. You still would be."

**Michael:** You *are* okay, Mark

**Mark:** I think that's one of the things about *Night Warning* that I liked. "Oh, the coach was gay but he really was just a stand-up guy."

**Nay:** Yeah

**Mark:** "He really cared."

**Michael:** I mean the queer characters were the only… good people, I guess you could say?

**Mark:** Yeah. Coach Whatever. Who by the end is wearing this cute little pink Polo and I was like, "All right, get your life." Like, you know, I was like, "Okay." He was the right kind of mentor and for that, I must say *Night Warning* gets a gold star

**Nay:** Tryin' to get Billy a scholarship

**Michael:** Yeah. It's such like an abrupt turn, though. 'Cause I remember watching--

**Mark:** *Night Warning* is nothing but hairpin turns

**Michael:** But I mean like watching it and being like, twenty, thirty minutes into it and being like, "Why is this movie queer?" And all of a sudden the basketball coach is gay and I'm like, 'Wait. What just happened?' You know what I mean?

**Mark:** And then every scene is Bo Svenson showing up going like, "Fag! Fag! Fag!"

**Michael:** Yeah. He's like accusing Billy and I'm like, "Where, what, why is, what's... *what*?"

**Mark:** Yeah.

**Michael:** Trying to figure out where that thought came into his head as a character? And I was just like, "Wait, *what*?" Yeah

**Mark:** Yeah

**Michael:** A lot of "Huh?"s watching that movie

**Mark:** But what I love about Susan Tyrell is that, not to be topped by, you know, all the queer content-- subtext, or pretext. She actually spends the last thirty minutes of the movie trying to make out with her own son. Which--

**Michael:** Aunt Mama?

**Mark:** I was like, "Is this movie kind of a giant gay fever dream about overbearing mothers?" Is it, is she like the ultimate overbearing mommy that's going to drive you into the arms of an older man?

**Michael:** A man?

**Mark:** *A man?*

**Nay**: *A man?*

**Michael:** You guys, is Billy gay? No, right?

**Mark:** No. He fucks Stephanie from *Newhart* like three times

**Nay:** I mean like he could be, but not, nothing in this movie makes us think that

**Michael:** Right

**Mark:** Bethany?

**Michael:** Stephanie

**Mark:** Stephanie

**Michael:** Stephanie Vanderkellen

**Nay:** 'Cause you could fuck Stephanie and still be gay, you know, but--

**Michael:** Yeah. I would (sotto voce) maybe fuck Stephanie

**Mark:** But I'm just saying, within the context...

**Nay:** Right, I don't think so

**Mark:** Within the context of this film- of *course* you're right. But, I mean--

**Nay:** Yeah, I don't think so

**Michael:** I love eighties movies though

**Mark:** I think the movie ends with them just staring at each other cuddled up and the credits are rolling and it's like, "He's straight! He's straight! Look, the credits are rolling and he's straight! Everything's fine."

**Michael:** Oh, I love that there's a written prologue, too

**Mark:** Oh, God. It's like, (narrator voice) "These fictional characters…" (normal voice) and on, (narrator voice) "These people who don't exist ended up going to trial and then were acquitted. Now they attend…" (normal voice) It's like, they're not real. These aren't real people.

**Michael:** Should we like, give any sort of recap to people on what the movie actually is about?

**Mark:** Now that we've discussed…

**Michael:** I mean, it's literally what? This kid's parents die in a car crash and he has to live with his aunt.

**Nay:** Yes

**Michael:** That's about it, right? He wants to get a basketball scholarship...

**Nay:** She ends up being his mom

**Michael:** Yeah

**Nay:** And she's obsessed with him. Ew, how she wakes him up in the morning?

**Michael:** Ewwwwww!

**Mark:** (as Aunt Mama) "Meow. Meow." (normal voice) **Wooof**

**Nay:** Okay? I will literally whip your fucking ass. Ugh! I hated it.

**Mark:** Yeah

**Nay:** Hated it

[Brennan plays a clip of Aunt Mama's weird relationship with her nephew-son]

**Brennan:** I have titled this clip "Auntie Shade", because she's pretty-- she's great

**Aunt Mama**: Gee. That'd be nice. But college is for rich kids and people with brains. You won't fit in there.

**Billy:** You never said that before. You always said we couldn't afford it. You didn't say you didn't want me to--

**Aunt Mama:** Well I don't want you to! We can't afford it.

**Nay:** Ooof

**Michael:** She just called him dumb

**Nay:** She's like, "Literally, you do not have a brain."

**Michael:** Poor Billy

**Mark:** (sighs) Yeah. Susan Tyrell's performance is really effective in that it hits these sort of histrionic notes that I find really unsettling as a viewer

**Nay:** Yeah

**Mark:** I just, the emotional manip-- and of course the actor playing Billy doesn't really have the chops to like match her, so he just spends a lot of time sort of like dumbly staring, and occasionally taking off his pants and standing in front of a shower which she barges in and he's like, (as Billy) "Yeah, okay."

**Michael:** (as Billy) "Get out of here." (normal voice) And I'm like, "You're naked!"

**Mark:** (as Billy) "Get out of here!" (normal voice) "Your ass is out. Why are you-? What is the-?" Anyway. But that's also the charm of *The Warning of the Night*, is that--

**Michael:** Yeah. I mean, I like in a weird way sort of kind of liked it, because it's so fucking bonkers and she is such a really- I think you had mentioned to me pre-show that she kind of gives Mrs. Voorhees a run for her money?

**Nay:** Yes. Oh my God, match-off, I wanna see

**Michael:** Yeah. And you wonder if maybe that was kind of like inspiration for her. That's what I would love to ask her, if she was alive today and we had her right here, I'd be like, "Was Betsy Palmer's performance in *Friday the 13th* something you studied?" And you're like, "I see you, Betsy."

**Mark:** Maybe when this episode drops we can actually do a poll and see

**Michael:** Oh, that's a good idea. Pull clips showing--?

**Mark:** One of my favorite things about when she goes full-tilt whackadoo at the end, is when she's running in the woods after Stephanie from *Newhart*--

**Michael:** Stephanie Vanderkellen

**Mark:** Stephanie Vanderkellen. There's a shot- it's like Susan Tyrell is clearly like a badass. She's like, "I'm in it, I'm in it, I'm in it. I know this movie's insane. It's probably bad. I'm an Oscar-nominated actress. I can't believe I'm doing this." But then there's one shot where she's--

**Michael:** Oh my God! I know what you're going to say!

**Mark:** It's clear the terrain was pretty rough and she was just like, "I'm not sure I can do this." Or maybe they sent her home early, who knows. Susan Tyrell, God rest you I am not besmirching your memory

**Michael:** I love this!

**Mark:** But there's clearly one shot where it's like a Teamster in her costume running. I screamed. I fucking screamed

**Michael:** I howled. I remember howling and being like, wait. I actually said to myself, "Is the twist gonna be that the basketball coach and her are the same person?" I actually thought it was him for a second!

**Nay:** Yes

**Mark:** Which would truly have sent--

**Michael:** It would be *amazing*

**Mark:** Which truly would have sent *Night Warning* into the stratosphere of camp

**Nay:** True

**Mark:** Which, it already occupies a pretty clear--

**Michael:** I can't get Stephanie Vanderkellen out of my head

**Mark:** No, when she's got...

**Michael:** Julia Duffy

**Mark**: When she's got Billy in her arms and she's pouring milk down his throat and she's like, "Drink it! (deep voice) Drink it! Drink it!"

**Nay:** Oh my God

**Michael:** Is that Mercedes Ruehl [EN: Mercedes McCambridge] from *The Exorcist*?

**Mark:** (deep voice) "Drink it!" (normal voice) And then she like--

**Michael:** (deep voice) "Drink it!"

**Mark:** She licks his neck and face and I was like (girlish scream). I, I just couldn't. I couldn't

**Michael:** I mean, from the moment the car just kept falling...

**Nay:** Oh my (laughs)

**Michael:** Off cliff after cliff

**Mark:** Off one cliff, and then another one and then in a river

**Michael:** I was like, "Is this *Toonces* from *Saturday Night Live*?"

**Mark:** Then off a waterfall, then a shark eats the car

**Michael:** And then a bear eats the shark

**Mark:** Amazing

**Michael:** I was like, "I'm in!" And I kept yelling at the car. "Just run into that truck, it'll help you slow down! Run to the right, there's a big mountain there and it's dirt and you'll slow down!" So great

**Nay:** So all mount-- I guess this was 1982. When did they start doing those truck escape ramps?

**Michael:** Yeah. I bet it was pre that. 'Cause weren't there a couple in *Duel*, which was in the seventies? I feel like there's…

**Mark:** I don't know

**Nay:** Yeah

**Michael:** I bet they existed by then

**Nay:** Just wondering

**Michael:** Emmy winner Julia Duffy. Stephanie Vanderkellen. She actually is a really good actress. I don't know if you guys thought that while watching, but she- you watch that movie and I'm a big fan of *Newhart*, that was actually the show I watched with my parents growing up--

**Nay:** Michael, you're so cute

**Michael:** And she was amazing in that. And you can actually, this was right before she did that show because the show started in eighty-two, the movie came out in eighty-two and I know she wasn't in the first season, they had a different character that she ended up replacing. But you can see the seeds of an actual award-winning actress there, 'cause she won like three Emmys for that show.

**Mark:** She's really good

**Michael:** She's good in the movie. Considering all she does is drink milk and eat lunch

**Mark:** Yeah, she spends the entire movie eating lunch

**Nay:** That sounds bomb

**Michael:** I know, right?

**Mark:** Also if you were to look at what's on her tray, it's like a carton of milk and two Granny Smith apples--

**Michael:** And a bologna sandwich?

**Mark:** I'm like, "Girl, you're gonna shit your brains out. What is this lunch?"

**Michael:** I wanted the bplogna sandwich

**Nay:** I don't know if it's just me, but I feel like every time I look at a white person's plate in a movie or a TV show, I'm like, "What the fuck are you even eating?" Like have you ever been watching *Sex and the City* and the four of them are eating brunch and you're like, "Are you eating a tomato and a piece of cantaloupe for breakfast? Like what the fuck?"

**Michael:** Have you ever watched *Mom*?

**Nay:** I don't think so

**Michael:** Okay, so *Mom*, they sit around in like, after A.A. meetings they always go to eat-- Brian and I love the show, it's actually really funny. Allison Janney is amazing in it. But we always pause to see what their lunch is, because it's like, literally at least one of them has a head of lettuce...

**Nay:** Yeah, yeah

**Michael:** That they like hollowed out and just throw lettuce in it

**Nay:** Yes

**Mark:** What?

**Michael:** Or they're like weirdly eating chicken salad out of a head of lettuce. It's weird. They hollow heads of lettuce out. Or one of them will have like a bowl of strawberries, like Jamie Pressly's character will be eating strawberries. It's like, "What?

**Mark:** Imagine sitting down for lunch with someone and all they do is just eat a bowl of strawberries and maintain eye contact with you the whole time

**Nay:** I would not be surprised in Los Angeles

**Michael:** But yeah. Watch like one episode of that show and just look at the food. Brian and I are like, "What are they eating today?"

**Mark:** (vacuous girl voice) "I've been eating only strawberries for three days. I feel amazing."

**Michael:** They have orange slices. Like what? It's always so bizarre

**Nay:** "You went to a restaurant and ordered that?"

**Brennan:** Have any of you seen *Book Club* from last year?

**Michael:** No

**Mark:** *Yes!*

**Brennan:** Thank you Mark. I can always trust you

**Michael:** Mark's seen everything

**Nay:** Yeah

**Brennan:** But they, they literally always have mountains of hor d'oeuvres on their table. Empty plates, and they're just slicing lemons constantly

**Mark:** And they're guzzling vodka

**Brennan:** Yeah, I don't know what circle of hell it is that they're in

**Mark:** Every scene, they're like, (deep voice) "Let's get drunk!"

**Michael:** Someone posted a clip of an extra on *Crazy Ex-girlfriend* like two weeks ago?

**Brennan:** Oh, I saw that!

**Michael:** She literally is behind the main characters in a restaurant and she was like, fake eating. But it was like taking a can and going like this

**Brennan:** It's inches from her mouth

**Michael:** And then taking a bite of her sandwich and the sandwich is like five feet away from her and being like… it's super funny

**Mark:** Oh. That poor woman. "I never learned to eat."

**Michael:** I love TV food. You're right, 'cause it's always so random

**Mark:** "For five cents a day, you too can sponsor this poor…"

**Mark:** We didn't talk about the fact that Bill Paxton is in this movie

**Nay:** Bill Paxton *is* in this movie

**Michael:** He's *so* hot in it

**Mark:** He's a total string bean in it, and he's mean and homophobic. But his delivery is like heads and shoulders above all the other characters except Susan Tyrell. And I was just like, "Why did he not play Billy?"

**Michael:** Oh my God! Really good question

**Mark:** Because--

**Michael:** They kind of look the same, even

**Nay:** Billy Paxton

**Mark:** God bless. Love 'im

**Michael:** Babe

**Nay:** Well, was it Carmine?

**Brennan:** Yes

**Nay:** This was a very thought-provoking movie for sure

**Michael:** Yeah

**Nay:** And also, whenever I see-- okay,  well, something I thought: It's been a while since I felt like I was in someone's presence of like a straight man and they were just throwing the word "fag" around. It's been awhile since that happened to me

**Michael:** Uh-huh

**Nay:** And watching this movie made me think about… ooof. Just how happy I am to be where I am today, with the people that I'm with, being who I am

**Brennan:** That's a beautiful sentiment

**Michael:** Yeah, because you can look at that and go, "Oh, this is so over-the-top but that kind of person really does exist, and there's a lot of them."

**Nay:** Yeah, exactly! Exactly. For sure for sure

**Michael:** And in law enforcement...

**Mark:** Yeah, especially since a lot of horror movies really deify law enforcement in ways that are unrealistic and/or prettifying, and this is a particularly villainous, revolting member of law enforcement in *Night Warning*, but it is sort of bracing to see a movie willing to make a quote-unquote sort of classic hero of cinema quite pathological and really, really ugly

**Michael:** Yeah. Yeah. I hated him more than anybody in this movie

**Nay:** Oh yeah

**Michael:** Yeah. So. *Night Warning*

**Mark:** (sings to the tune of the Hot Pockets jingle) "Night Warning!"

**Michael:** (singing to the tune of the Hot Pockets jingle) "Whatcha gonna pick? *Night Warning*!"

**Brennan:** You can learn all about my Llorona movies. It's great. It's gonna be awesome. Come on this journey with me. I'll share pictures.

## Previous Episode

Episode 18: "Jason Shaves Manhattan” (w/ Derek Dennis Herbert!)

## Next Episode

Episode 20: “Thanks for the Fancy Feast, Catherine” (w/ MJ Bassett!)