Philadelphia RoBoat

Since it first opened its doors to the public in 1968, Atlantis had been attracting huge amounts of tourism, which naturally boosted the general welfare of the city. Now, however, it had been a few years and foreigners weren't showing up quite as often.

Having gotten used to being rich, the Atlantian government came up with a plan to keep the income coming. The ocean is not only very, very big, but it is also one of the only uneconomized areas left on Earth. Several groups were dispatched to find or create Atlantian-owned tourist attractions elsewhere on the floor of the sea.

Most of these groups were comprised entirely of Atlantian Gnome citizens, who could easily survive in such an environment without assistance. The team that was dispatched to the more dangerous areas, though, had some more foreign participants; they wanted as few deaths of their own people as possible. For example, the team sent to explore the Bermuda Triangle only contained one Atlantian: Councilwoman Parasol Philadelphia, who was sent because she owned that largest weapon.

The rest of Philadelphia's team were a rag-tag group of Mothamericans hired simply because they weren't likely to die, but if they did die, no one would care. There was Gordon Gatebridge, a skilled entrepreneur, but also a known criminal. He had been jailed for his entrepreneurial crimes and was only being let out of prison for this expedition. Accompanying him to make sure he stayed in line were Officer Dingles McSfarmswrath and Officer Shae D. Business, a good-cop bad-cop duo who were notoriously awful at policing anything. And lastly there was Lima Vanderblum, a Moth, who volunteered.

Upon arriving at the Bermuda Triangle, it wasn't hard to spot something that could be turned into a tourist trap. The wreckage of the RMS Titanic lay prominent on the ocean floor, right between Orlando Bloom Island and the iceberg that sunk it, still floating there, undamaged and unmelted, almost flaunting its suspected alien origin.

Despite the fact that the wrecked ship had the word "Titanic" clearly written on its side, Philadelphia took the liberty of naming the property through the agency of the Atlantian government (after herself, of course).

The crew then split up and started to explore the inside of the ship that was now called Philadelphia. Gatebridge made his way to the decaying arcade room, where he engaged in a fight with a slot machine. He won the fight, but the commotion unsettled the floorboards and he fell into the room directly below, which was filled with invisible lobsters. When the Titanic's voyage first began, it had a large stock of lobsters in glass tanks, meant for consumption, but since the ship sank the lobsters have been able to swim around and breed freely. Gatebridge fought them, too.

Vanderblum and Officer McSfarmswrath headed down into the capsized ship's bowels, until eventually they discovered the old boiler room where, shockingly, there was a race of Coal People still keeping the boilers operational after all these years. The Coal People were being ruled over and forced to do this work by an evil saboteur, so McSfarmswrath and Vanderblum thought it would be the right thing to do to kill the tyrant Coal king and set the people free. Once they did so, however, the Coal People no longer had any direction in life, so they started attacking anyone and anything they could find.

Officer Business went off on her own, abandoning her partner and intentionally avoiding the other team members. She discovered a steam-powered jetpack, put it on, and started flying around places she really didn't need to be, wasting power that needn't be wasted.

Philedaplphia, meanwhile, went upward, finding the old captains quarters. It was an intriguing room, the window seemed to be broken in many places and there were several pieces of paraphernalia for Saint Tortoise's Orphanage School For The Deaf. She searched the room for something- anything- that was toyetic enough to sell in a hypothetical gift shop, but her efforts were fruitless.

It was then that Philadelphia remembered that today was Christmas Eve, and she really shouldn't have to be working. So she sat down and started relaxing, now considering herself to be on vacation. The vacation was interrupted, though, by a Coal Person named Edward Blednerhands who jumped on Philadelphia from behind and started beating her with his blender hands. Luckily, Coal People are no match for a Canesaw-Gatling-Gun.

Still in the lobster room, Gatebridge discovered an old, wet piece of paper that was only partially legible, but it seemed to be the original plans for the Titanic. Apparently, the structure that was now a destroyed boat was designed to be the undercarriage of a gigantic zeppelin. There was more, too, but the document was too damaged to read.

In the boiler room, Vanderblum and Officer McSfarmswrath were still defending themselves from oncoming Coal People. They were backed up against a wall and Vanderblum accidentally pressed a button, and then they entire ship's remains began to shake.

The Titanc's architecture was practically ancient, but it still moved as it was programmed too, albeit slowly. The rooms continued shifting, revealing in person what the document Gatebridge had found couldn't say: the Titanic was transforming into the shape of a giant robot, or a RoBoat.

The transformation process expelled everyone who was inside, so the entire group stood on the sea floor (except Business, who was hovering just above the sea floor using her jet pack) staring up at the the glorious machine at its full height. The Philadelphia RoBoat, as it was now called, activated its defense protocol and started fighting the team.

What followed was a long and epic battle filled with far to many interesting details to describe, but here are a few highlights:

* McSfarmswrath's scuba suit was compromised and the damages would have been fatal, had she not acted quickly and fixed it.
* Business died in the fight, at least partially because her jet pack ran out of fuel. Her final thoughts were something about how she probably should have cooperated better with her partner and maybe she should have generally operated on the less shady side of things.
* The Coal People actually assisted the crew in the fight against the robot, although they didn't help much, because they were very small.
* Lima Vanderblum delivered the final blow, sending the RoBoat down to the ground, becoming a wreckage once again

In the following months, Gatebridge made a deal with the Atlantian government so that, while Philadelphia RoBoat was technically owned by Atlantis, he could run the business and keep 75% of the profit.

Initially a destroyed cruise liner, now a destroyed robot, the tourist attraction turned out to be a rousing success for everyone involved (except for Shae D. Business, who died).