Kolt

> "Oops" -Kolt, upon accidentally entering the Astral Plane and being made a God
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**Kolt** (he/him) is the deity of minor coincidence, who accidentally wandered in the Celestial Court and was therefore granted godhood by Pyrus for his act of "supreme power". He is closely associated with Fortina, but hasn't the faintest idea what is going on.

## History

Kolt was born in a town nobody remembers, to a family everyone had already forgotten, in an age that nobody can quite put their finger on. Even the gods themselves only remember Kolt's arrival was during the Age of Heroes. Thus, Kolt does not have a particularly notable origin, just exceedingly incredible luck. Initially, it was believed that Kolt was a being of supreme power merely playing the fool. In more recent times, it has become accepted that Kolt is actually just exceedingly incompetent with incredible luck.

## Relationships

Upon Kolt's arrival in the Celestial Court, he was very confused, but pleased at all these people who wanted to meet him for his great accomplishment. Some members of the court saw him as a powerful being, worthy of godhood. Other members despised his easy route to power.

### Pyrus and Thureen

The great Sun Tyrant of the Celestial Court was at his full power during the Age of Heroes, and so for a mortal to find his way into the Astral Realm itself was beyond impressive. Instead of smiting Kolt where he stood, Pyrus gifted Kolt with the gift of godhood, magnifying what aspects he already possessed. Initially, Pyrus was exceedingly impressed by Kolt's feat of (what appeared to be) 'power'. Later, however, he realized that Kolt was actually a rather useless figure with very few opinions on the state of the court. He was just happy to be there. Pyrus apparently regretted his decision, and considered trying to kill Kolt. Pyrus ordered multiple assassination attempts on Kolt to privately remove him from the picture, asking for the help of Thureen. The Masked Death hated Kolt, believing that he was not worthy of the power he had been given. Overjoyed with this command from Pyrus, Thureen readied the bow of Aramoi to shoot his target from a distance. Yet it seemed the once-mortal had an extraordinary sixth-sense, always dodging arrows at the last possible moment- without even looking! Cursing this once-mortal, Thureen then decided to cut him to ribbons with his scythe instead. Yet when he looked for it, he could not find it. The Masked Death entered Pyrus' throne room, and explained about the missing scythe. The two argued about the responsibility of the scythe, and where it could possibly be. While the two of them were yelling loudly, Kolt entered, holding Thureen's weapon. Kolt absentmindedly fondled the weapon in front of the two deities, asking what happens to deities when they die. To Thureen and Pyrus, this was the greatest threat they ever could have received, and no doubt they thought that Kolt could kill them without hesitation. The two gods were shaking in fear. They realized that this mortal must have burst into the Celestial Court as a ruse to gain immortality, so he could gain access to the scythe so he could kill the gods. They pleaded for their lives. Kolt was very confused by this, who had just come across the scythe lying around in a funny coincidence, having no idea what it was. He also had accidentally dodged several arrows from the Bow of Aramoi without paying any attention. Entirely oblivious to the situation, he sighed, dropped the scythe in front of the two pleaded gods and laughed at the absurdity of the two powerful deities on their knees before him.

> "Ha-ha-ha, aww you two. Stop acting like children, okay? There's bigger problems at hand. I think." -Kolt to Pyrus and Thureen
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Kolt has never been the target of any hostile action from Pyrus and Thureen ever since, with Pyrus immediately making Kolt a member of the Celestial Court out of fear.

### Swendall

Swendall near-immediately recognized Kolt's potential as a stupid (but lucky) man who accidentally accomplished all tasks he was set. Swendall instantly made good friends with Kolt, taking great pleasure in placing the new deity in ridiculous scenarios just to observe the outcome. This became a classic Swendall prank format known as "The Kolt-Dolt", and many hundreds of comedy plays were written in this particular format. From Swendall's interference, Kolt has done many things, including:

* Starting a war in Mirroclesia.
* Preventing the same war in Mirroclesia 3 years before it was supposed to begin.
* Inventing bees.
* Allegedly, he temporarily altered the grammar of all factual written texts (including in the Libraries of Liza and Obscurum) to be hypothetical sentences.
* Stealing from Wabbis, an utterly unheard of feat.
* Defeating the entire Trinity of War at once without being hit once. Apparently, all three of them surrendered after he got distracted and chased a speck of dust, believing that he was mocking their abilities.
* Seeing outside the known multiverse and exclaiming "Oh, so that's what's beyond the Gods- Makes sense I guess". Asides from The Eternals and Obscurum, he is one of the only deities to know the course of Fate due to this... But he forgot it rather quickly because, "Swendall, I had this idea called bees".

## Legends and Stories

### Linguis Auxum

After creating the People of the Realm, the Celestial Court quickly realized that the mortals did not have a spoken language that they could all communicate with. Dynakin would work mostly fine as a holdover, as it was a mortal version of Celestial. The transposition from Celestial to Dynakin was imperfect, however, meaning that it favoured the humans, dwarves, elves, and hofflins the most, as their physiology was best-suited to pronounce it. Draconic languages emerged, but only the draconic species could properly pronounce it due to their physiology. Multiple languages emerged, splitting the People of the Realm further, and thus the 'common tongue' of Dynakin was a failure. Another language was required so that all the People of the Realm, regardless of their species' physiology, could communicate correctly. Liza de Wisp was set to solve this conundrum, known as the "Linguis Auxum". She worked constantly, but between writer's block and Szigrid's thievery, she could not find a language that all species could pronounce without bias. At a loss, she consulted her close friend Swendall. Swendall suggested a universal language of farts, which was quickly shut down- as well as his subsequent suggestion for burping sounds. He did, however, make one excellent suggestion: Give the assignment to Kolt. Amused by this suggestion, Liza asked Kolt to join her in the library, as Swendall watched from behind the shelves. She handed him the papers, watched him faff around for a bit, and then after thinking she he had left, saw him go to sleep at the desk. Watching from behind the shelves with Swendall, Liza berated him for convincing her to bring along the idiot, but Swendall was holding his finger to his lips.

> *"Shhh. He's talking in his sleep."*
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Cautiously, Liza walked back to the desk, where, sure enough, Kolt was sleep-talking a perfect language that would solve the problem of the Linguis Auxum. Transcribing the phonetics and intricacies of the sounds, Liza was overjoyed, thanking Swendall for such a brilliant idea. Liza presented the completed language to the Celestial Court, which was approved, and Kolt's involvement was never mentioned. Kolt, of course, had no idea about the whole thing. He woke up in the library soon after, a little groggy. He had drooled a little on the page of one of the books, so he rubbed it, which only made it worse. This may have led to all written sentences temporarily becoming hypothetical.

## Organizations and Factions

Most organizations of Kolt are shunned by worshipers of the Iron Paladins- not because he is a Betrayer God (far from it, actually)- but because he is simply absurd. Some minor organizations exist, but they do not bother to officially meet up. Instead, they wander around at random, accidentally coming into contact with other members by sheer coincidence. Meetings are apparently very fun, but inconsistently 'scheduled'.

There is a specific sub-set of worshippers of Kolt that revere him for creating bees. The actual existence of such a cult is unlikely, and was probably written by a bored religious theorist as a joke.