recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
S08E06 - Hung Like a...

## Hung Like a...

This is the sixth episode of Season 8, and it covers the end of chapter 4 and begins chapter 5 of "He Who Must Not Be Disobeyed", which was co-written by two Potterotics, BrandonStrayne and Keep\_Calm\_And\_Expecto\_Patronum.

## Summary

New apparatuses + more basement dates + some serious horseplay + Albus learns an important lesson in 'obedience' in the form of a kinky punishment from Gellert.

## Notable Moments

* Danny introduces himself as Dwang "the cock" Johnson.
	+ Allie also requests a second introduction, as Danny DeEatYoPussy
* Allie and Lyndsay work out the sex logistics
* Danny is a bastion of Willy Wonka references.
* Gellert may have another job as a gymnastics coach since he seems to have all of the paraphrenalia.
* "On Wednesday, we wear chastity belts" ~ Allie makes a stellar Mean Girls reference.
* Does the chastity belt look like a leather diaper.

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Yellow (hoftie)

* Here for his greenness, but not a personal desire of hers.

Danny: Yellow (hoftie)

* Wants more pleasure with the pain.

Lyndsay: Yellow (hoftie)

* Doesn't like him hanging, but loving the story

## Potterotics Shout Outs

* Sam, their favourite barista gets a shout out from Lyndsay.
Чак

**Чак** - главный символ игры и первый играбельный персонаж, за которого предстоит играть игроку. Чак, это мужчина, с ярко рыжими волосами и с

   не менее рыжей бородой, большим носом и золотой бляхой на ремне. Чак не имеет специально крики, он использует ту кирку, которую даст ему игрок.

Чак, как и Скарлетт не имеет специальных способностей, которыми наделены другие персонажи.
S08E07 - Chasti-tease Belt

## Chasti-tease Belt

This is the seventh episode of Season 8, and it covers the end of chapter 5 of "He Who Must Not Be Disobeyed", which was co-written by two Potterotics, BrandonStrayne and Keep\_Calm\_And\_Expecto\_Patronum.

## Episode Summary

Have we found the origin of the black cloth? And the very first tramp stamp? Albus and Gellert share an, ahem, explosive reunion where all bets--and belts--are off.

## Notable Moments

* Danny introduces himself as Scarlett JoHandjob
* They advise people to get out and "cock the vote" (US midterm elections on the release date).
* Danny \*may\* be wearing a chastity belt.
* Dumbledore's students get bonus marks if they help him get the chastity belt off.
* Dumbledore's crotch may be covered in ink a la the anti-theft devices when he removes the chastity belt.
* "Chastity belts are why teachers put on movies." ~ Lyndsay
* Don't send nudes, send Newts!
* Allie hopes there's no paintings in his classroom observing him deal with the chastity belt.
* Allie and Lyndsay share their horse related thought streams..
* They practice foley effects.
* Gellert has a New Orleans style brass band, including a Sexophone.
* The sex logistics discussion led into a discussion about Serif font faces.
* They practice using a lot of "Foal-y" effects in this episode (and make a lot of horse jokes)
* Their preDICKtions for the next episode:
	+ Allie: They're going to go on a date.
	+ Danny: It will turn canon and Gellert is going to turn evil and they will have to Send Newts

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Green (Up)

* Green for how much they are into it.

Danny: Green (Up)

* Green for their pleasure.
* Love branding, hates getting branded.

Lyndsay: Green (Up)

* Particularly liked the kiss at the end.
S07E07 - "You Randy Bastard..."

## "You Randy Bastard..."

Happy Birthday, Harry Potter!

This episode completes chapter 1 of "Sort of Friends and Lovers", they then accidentally skip chapter 2 and instead dive into "Various Climaxes".

## Episode Summary

Neville and Hannah share a love of plants and some tender kisses. Then Neville and Harry experiment with some stamina potions.

## Notable Moments

* Allie predicts the season will end with a "two hot dogs, one bun" scenario.
* Danny's sad groan sounds a bit like a cat.
* In the wizarding world, getting "ghosted" is called getting "demented", and "ghosting" means lingering on long past when you're welcome.
* Three Puffs in a Flat, the Wizarding world equivalent of Three's Company.
* Allie accidentally christens a new Hogwarts house, McDonalds, when Danny changes the text and replaces "Gryffindor" with "McDonalds"
	+ "I Ron Burgundy'd you" ~ Danny
* The hosts seem confused by the "time hop", not realizing that they have again accidentally skipped chapter 2 of the previous story.
* Thanks to the undetectable expansion charms that are placed on wizarding tents, Danny guesses that it's quite impressive when a wizard "pitches a tent".
* Allie hypothesizes that stamina potion tastes like cold brew with chicken salad in it (a reference to an earlier episode where Danny ate some chicken salad that had fallen in his drink and grossed Allie and Lyndsay out).
* Danny imagines Harry and Neville are dessicated of spunk after coming so much and compares them to Spongebob being wrung dry, and also an I Love Lucy production line that just keeps going.

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Up

* Ton of action and everyone is happy and in love.

Danny: Up

* Excited to see how this ends.

Lyndsay: Up

* That was a blast

## Potterotics Shout Outs

* Mitch's cover of "Tiny Dancer" is played at the end of the episode
* "Undapants" cover of "Party in the USA" sung by Niki and lyrics by Andie is played at the end of the episode.
Patreon S8B2 - The Hog's Rimjob

## The Hog's Rimjob

This Patreon only bonus episode features a supplemental one-shot that was written for season 8. It features the story "Head at the Hog's Head" which was written by two Potterotics: BrandonStrayne and Keep\_Calm\_And\_Expecto\_Patronum.

## Summary

Capra and Aberforth buy a bar (The Hog's Head!) and mistake bar rags for cum rags in this incredible bonus episode.

## Notable Moments

* "I don't really think they're saving any of their 'nuts'" ~ Allie
* The Golden Threesome fancast Aberforth and seem content with Christian Slater or Ewan McGregor.
* Lyndsay remembers an old episode where she declared that belts are over as the characters fumble around trying to unfasten their trousers.
* Allie wonders if this story is the origin story for the name of the bar.
* The hosts wonder why these supposed wizards don't cast a few cleaning charms at that sticky bar!
* "That future's sticky!" ~ Danny
* "Two ear holes, a mouth hole, and a butt hole. It's his fourth hole" ~ Lyndsay

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Green (Up)

* Loved it. All green all day

 Danny: Green (Up)

* We didn't interrupt that story at all because it was so sexy!

 Lyndsay: Green (Up)

* Loved the "standing in their future" ending.
Q14 - Professor Cumbridge

## Professor Cumbridge

Thanks Dave, for making this nightmare vision a reality.

This quickie features the story "A Cat for Christmas" by inamac.

The hosts announced that they would be launching a Patreon account for the podcast.

## Episode Summary

Dolores and Argus let off a little steam together down in the dungeons. Argus turns out to give considerate, well chosen Christmas presents.

## Notable Moments

* Precome apologies for this story
* Danny spreads the word about "dinkus"
* Allie learns about "wenis"
* Opening line outburst
	+ "We said it was going to be dark, but it is BRIGHT PINK!" ~ Danny
* Hosts predict "Plowbridge" with some kind of strap-on
* Lyndsay does a Dolores Rushbridge interpretation
* "If Danny were decorating the castle, there would be a Christmas tree every 9 feet." ~
* "Yeah, if we ran out of trees. Denude the whole forest!" ~ Danny
* Allie teaches everyone a new word: Umbrage
* Lyndsay makes a joke about umbrage vs. umbros shorts
* Mr. Crabbe and the Goyles = a Wizarding band name
* Hosts assure there is CUH-CUH-CUH-CONSENT (and that this is not representative of treatment students would receive)
* C-bomb surprise reaction
* "That was so fast!" ~ Danny
* (A:) He's a naughty Hufflepuff. (D:) But please don't whip me, I have really sensitive skin.
* Filch is like a naughty version of Count von Count, counting each of his whip cracks.
* McGonagall is slandered. "Hold Danny back!" ~ Allie
* Lyndsay claims Goop was named because Paltrow believes words with two o's are more successful so she just added them between her initials.
	+ Allie's would be "Aool". "That company's not taking off." ~ Lyndsay
* (A:) We've learned a lot about ourselves from this story. (L:) Which is why we're ending the podcast.
* "We love you, and we're sorry, and you're welcome." ~ Lyndsay

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Down

Danny: Down

Lyndsay: Down

* Beautifully written

## Potterotics Shout Outs

* Ulrike and her boyfriend put together a compilation of the Wands Up or Down song that was used in the episode. It features the vocal stylings of over 25 Potterotics that was edited together.
S04E05 - Throuple Trouble

## Throuple Trouble

In this episode, the hosts continue to read "Slipping" by betta329.

## Episode Summary

Lily's world is rocked from behind by Sirius, which leads to a heart-to-heart about feelings...as anal often does. The high of orgasm doesn't last long though, because it isn't long before Sirius is plotting an assassination attempt.

## Notable Moments

* Musical Parody: ABBA's "Dancing Queen"
* The hosts talk about the Halloween rager that Danny threw.
* Allie makes sure that everyone knows they are in the precursor of anal.
* Lyndsay mocks Allie's "Verginer" pronunciation
* Allie and Danny inform the listeners about "2 in the pink, 1 in the stink". Danny then elaborates that into the Bus: "1 in the front, 72 in the back" and Jumbo jet: "2 in the front, 333 in the back".
* Allie jokes that when she orgasms she sees prophecies of the future.
	+ Lyndsay dubs it a "Fortune Nookie"
* Danny experiments with some genderbender reading interpretation by giving Lily a low voice and Sirius a high voice.
* Lyndsay does an amazing loon call...or there is actually a loon in the studio.
* Allie explains "running trains". Lyndsay laments, "What is your life?!" Danny jokes that puts a naughty twist on leaving from Platform 9 3/4.
* Gasping Lyndsay
* "Her verginger changed him." ~ Lyndsay
* "hhhhaaaaassssssssssstick it in her buttsssssss" ~ Danny, impersonating Voldemort encouraging their threesome.
* "Now, to be clear, this is either 1) super sexy, or 2) the start of a chicken fight." ~ Danny

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Down

* Lot of suspense, but not vibing it. Lots of reflection.

Danny: Down

* Lot of drama, but super well written and excited to see where it goes

Lyndsay: Down

* Bathroom sex at beginning was nice, but the near murder kind of dampened the mood.
Season 6

In season 6 (AKA "Season Sex"), the hosts read I Really Really (Really Really Really) Like You by teenage\_hustler. The author (who is also a Potterotic!) decided to temporarily remove the fic from AO3 until the season was over to prevent spoilers, but it will be put back once the season is done.

This season's gimmick is "preDICKtions". The hosts have asked the Potterotics to submit their guesses/summaries for what they think is coming in the next episode and to predict the next episode's title.

All 6 of this season's episodes received the 3 Wands Up rating, the longest fic to have done so up to this point in the podcast archives.

 Summary

Pansy Parkinson is an expert in magical houses, and she has been sent to investigate Harrison Estate; a real trickster of a mansion that has been causing its previous owners no small amount of strife. A job like this could be dangerous, so Pansy requests help from the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Unfortunately, the Auror they send over is none other than Ron Weasley. More unfortunately, the house then decided to lock them both in...

## Episodes

* S06E01 - Feeler Upper
* S06E02 - Sleeping with the Enemy
* S06E03 - Lip-locked In
* S06E04 - Checkmates
* S06E05 - Rub-A-Dub One Out
* S06E06 - Cumming and Going

 Relationship(s)

* Ron Weasley/Pansy Parkinson

## Other Characters that Appear

* Arthur Weasley
* Mark Perkins (OMC)
* Bobby Forsythe (OMC)
* Susan Patterson (OFC)
* John O'Toole (OMC)

## Notable Jokes, Gags and References from Season 6

* Musical Parodies - This season had a Disney theme
	+ Part of Your World - Episode 1
	+ Colors of the Wind - Episode 2
	+ Kiss the Girl - Episode 3
	+ Little Town - Episode 4
	+ Prince Ali - Episode 5
	+ I Just Can't Wait to be King - Episode 6
* Danny's Pansy voice (Episode 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
* The -Ughorns (Episode 1, 4, 5)
* Gasping Lyndsay (Episode 2, 4, 6)
* Ron Bashing (Episode 2, 4)
* Pasta Bakes (Episode 3, 4)
* The Black Cloth - (Episode 4)
* Dense Harry (Episode 4)
* Azka- prefix added to random words (Episode 5)
* Lyndsay's Sex Logistics (Episode 5)
* Lip Biting (Episode 4, 6)
Pillowtalk S6: Incident Reports

This is a special episode where the hosts expound on an element of the story they're reading, which is currently the Season 6 story.

This episode includes the incident reports from the house that Pansy was reading in episode 3

## Notable Moments

* Attempting to pronounce words like "Gloucestershire" led to a "shaw shaw shaw" ending to words joke that evolves into a barking sound.
* Hey house, stay out of it! There's stuff you don't know!
* Jason?! THAT Jason?
* Lyndsay thinks somebody needs to sit the house down and tell them that it's okay to fight sometimes.
* "I'm Doris. Doris felt a little overwhelmed socially so she went to the snack table." ~ Lyndsay
* Allie reveals more of her odd childhood experiences. This time "red light" where you make out during red stop lights.
* The hosts brainstorm other tactics the house could use to bring people together.
* Lyndsay ponders whether she's still single because she's been trying to orchestrate a Serendipity moment.
Patreon Q2

The Patreon Quickiie 2 features the story "Incendium" by Keep\_Calm\_And\_Expecto\_Patronum. This quickie was released as a Patreon exclusive while the podcast was taking a short hiatus on its regular feed.

## Summary

Severus and Tonks are in a happy and loving relationship. Everything would be perfect were it not for Severus’...affliction.

Despite exploring all avenues, he is no closer to solving his magical malady. His last hope however comes in the form of none of than Healer Neville Longbottom.

What could possibly go wrong?

Originally written for the Quills & Parchment One Shot Competition #9: Healer and Mediwizard
Winner - Most Creative Injury/Jinx/Accident

## Other Characters That Appear

* Neville Longbottom
* Euan Abercrombie

## Episodes

* Patreon Q2E1 - Erectile Discussion
* Patreon Q2E2 - Combust a Nut
* Patreon Q2E3 - Rising from the Asses

## Notable Jokes, Gags and References

* Lip biting (Episode 1)
* Danny's seafood salad (Episode 1, 2)
* \*kiss\* Sorry! (Episode 3)
* Snape's Erogenous zones (Episode 3)
* The Bobsled (Episode 3)
* Rughorn (Episode 3)
Long, Sexy Owl Legs

In Episode 9 of Season 2, Allie accidentally includes the adjective "long" in a sentence about an owl holding out its leg to Hermione for a letter. This triggers a laughing jag amongst the hosts and they joke about an owl wearing sexy stockings.

Later, in the Potterotics Facebook group, that owls DO in fact have very long legs and it has now become common for Potterotics to share pictures, videos, etc. showing off those sexy long legs, or just owls in general.

Other owl jokes on the podcast include the New Owl, Hoo Dis? joke.

NOTE: This page does not contain a full chronicle of all sexy owl related posts that have been made in the FB group, but rather just a sampling of them.

## Referenced in

* S02E09 - T!ts for Tat (Origin)
* Q02E01 - New Owl Who Dis?
* Q05 - Give A Dog A Boner
* Q07E01 - Sugar and Spice and Everything Naughty

Shared by Potterotic Shawna and MichelleShared by Potterotic MalinShared by Potterotic Julie-AnneSexy owl drawn by Potterotic RachelShared by Potterotic Danae
Kylie Combs

Master of the Needle, Kylie creates art from simple string and brings laughter to life. Not only that, but she also created the sister Facebook group devoted to all the nifty crafters, The Golden Stitch.

## Notable Jokes, Gags, and References

* Airport Run Ron
* The Golden Stitch

## Shout Outs!

* Q02E03 - Prolongus Ejaculus! - Thanked for her "I'd let Ron Weasley pick me up from the airport" cross stitch that she sent them.
* Q02E04 - An Unexpected Foursome - Hosts display the cross stitch.
* S03E05 - Overstarved Libido - Danny reads our her porn magazine idea of "Howler".
* Q07E01 - Sugar and Spice and Everything Naughty - shout out given for the Deathly Swallows cross stitches she made.
* Potterotica LIVE! @ ECCC: Think Inside Her Box
Drarry

Drarry (also known as Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy, Draco/Harry, H/D, HP/DM) is a popular slash pairing featuring Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a romantic or sexual scenario.

## Episodes Featuring Drarry

* S03E01 - D!ck GIF
* S03E02 - Ass-thetics 101
* S03E03 - Suck It, Malfoy
* S03E04 - The Cock in Question
* S03E05 - Overstarved Libido
* S03E06 - Floo-ty Call
* S03E07 - The Boy Who Licked
* S03E08 - Exclusive Daily F#ck Buddy
* S05E01 - A Hellova Hangover
Quickies and Specials

## Quickies

Epsiodes in-between seasons, consisting of usually one to three parts.

* Quickie 01 "Luke The Magician"
	+ Q01E01 - Girls Night!
	+ Q01E02 - A Lap Dance for Hermione
	+ Q01E03 - Draco's Sex Playlist
* Quickie 02 "Need You Now"
	+ Q02E01 - New Owl Who Dis?
	+ Q02E02 - Fire(crotch)whiskey
	+ Q02E03 - Prolongus Ejaculus!
	+ Q02E04 - An Unexpected Foursome
	+ Q2: Meet The Author - thewaterfalcon
* Quickie 03 - The OG Wands Up / Sheepskin Rub
* Quickie 04 - Bewitchment / What Happens in the Greenhouse Stays in the Greenhouse
* Quickie 05 - Choices / Give a Dog a Boner
* Quickie 06 - Tricks, Treats & Other Saucy Endeavors on Devil's Night / Happy Butthole-o-ween
* Quickie 07 - "Cinnamon Sugar"
	+ Q07E01 - Sugar and Spice and Everything Naughty
	+ Q07E02 - Loose Lips Sink Ships
* Quickie 08 - For The Very First Time
	+ Q08E01 - The Hot and Sexy Loving
	+ Q08E02 - Dela Dela Bills, Y'all
* Quickie 09 - Christmas Tickles / Wolfstar of David
* Quickie 10 - Ron's Tiny Problem and Hermione's Big Solution / Ron's Tiny Problem
* Quickie 11 - Brotherly Lovehorn
* Quickie 12 - Cedric Submissive
	+ Q12E01 - Bone Appétit
	+ Q12E02 - Blow Your Carbo-load
* Quickie 13 - Bet On It
	+ Q13E01 - Bludger? I Hardly Know Her!
	+ Q13E02 - Catching Snitches Not Feelings
* Quickie 14 - Professor Cumbridge
* Quickie 15 - Remjob
* Quickie 16 - Slughornball
* Quickie 17 - Cockholm Syndrome
* Quickie 18 - The Tables Have Turned (On)

## Specials

* Two Happy Endings - Hurricane Harvey Podcast Pack
* Potterotica LIVE! - Gin-ny & Polyjuice
* LIVE T&A with the Hosts
* LIVE from Wizard World Comic Con Chicago!
* Potterotica LIVE!: Le Threesome
* 'Rear' End Review
* Horny Holiday Sing-along
* The Nerdologues - Fanfiction February 6, Part 2
* Potterotica LIVE! @ ECCC: Think Inside Her Box
* S3E1 Alternate - Lights, Camera, Getting Some Action
Q03 - The OG Wands Up

## The OG Wands Up / Sheepskin Rub

Image supplied by Potterotic Dave

This is an original story written for the Potterotica Podcast, written by MaisieBee. The story is entitled "A Side of Her So Rarely Seen".

Depending on which app you're using, this episode may be entitled "The OG Wands Up" (itunes) or "Sheepskin Rub" (PocketCasts and perhaps others).

## Notable Moments

* "There's going to be a lot of 'wand quivering' in this story" ~ Allie
* "They need some security cameras in this shop, because he shouldn't have to have his wand up all the time." ~ Danny
* Danny nails a cat impression.
* Protracted conversation about topsy tails (even though this story is set in the 60s and they weren't around then?)
* Danny nails a Scottish accent
* "It is raining Minerva!" ~ Danny
* "Cloudy with a chance of 'tail'" ~ Lyndsay
* Lyndsay has to stand up for Ron...again.
* Minerva is rocking the business casual look with her BLACK SLACKS!
* "John Thomas" used as a euphemism for an erection.
	+ "Were we all just pretending to know what that was?" ~ Lyndsay
* "Nothing is sexier than context!" ~ Lyndsay
* "I love it when a guy contexts!" ~ Allie
* "The wand guy has to be the best around at flicking and swirling, right?" ~ Danny
* "Shall we intercourse?" ~ Lyndsay
* Recurrence of "joybox" as a euphemism for vagina.
* "For a second there I forgot this was a comedy podcast and was lost in between their nipples." ~ Danny
* "You can take my virginity, but not my right to lick nipples!" ~ Danny (in a Braveheart style Scottish voice.)
* Potterotic Homework: Who should play young Garrick Ollivander?

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Up

* Loved both of the characters, the love affair, the heat of passion, bearskin rug, the cocoa.

Danny: Up

* Wand etching "McGotItGoinOn" in Allie's ceiling

Lyndsay: Up

* Story was well-written and emotion filled.
MaisieBee

MaisieBee is a Potterotic that wrote the story that was read for Quickie 3. The story was written especially for the Potterotica Podcast. She was again featured in Quickie 5, which was again a story that was written specifically for the podcast. She is the first author to have their work featured more than once on the podcast.

## Featured in

* Q03 - The OG Wands Up
* Q05 - Give a Dog a Boner
* Potterotica LIVE! @ ECCC: Think Inside Her Box
Erogenous Zones

In episode 5 of season 1, Allie and Lyndsay made the joke that Snape would have some strange ideas about which parts of a woman's body are erogenous. Starting from the temple, he'd work down over the bridge of the nose and "camp out" there for awhile before meandering down to the chin. At this point there was only actually a mention of Hermione's temple in the story and the hosts had just joked about other erogenous zones according to Snape, however their joke quickly became prophetic.

Later in the episode, Allie joked that she thinks Snape would go straight to anal sex and Lyndsay pointed out that his erogenous zones are 1) temple, 2) chin, and 3) butthole. The story continues with knuckle caressing and kissing, which were duly added to the map.

> *He kissed the knuckle of her index finger tenderly, surrounding it with his warm mouth and suckling it gently before moving up her finger to the next knuckle and kissing it. He then moved to the top knuckle and repeated the kiss, turning her hand slightly. He then kissed the tops of all four fingers and turned her palm to face him. He pressed his lips to the fleshy mound beneath the thumb, his mouth moist and warm against the inner skin. ~* Chapter 5 of In the Prefect's Bathroom by Ms-Figg
>
>

By the end of the episode, Snape had mapped all of the following areas as erogenous on a woman's body:

> *"I love the scent and feel and taste of a woman. I worship the landscape of her body, especially the parts taken for granted, like the crook of her arm, or the sensitive flesh of her armpit—the back of her knees, the sweep of her spine, the curve of her ankle, the arch of her foot—so many special places generally ignored."* *~* Chapter 5 of In the Prefect's Bathroom by Ms-Figg
>
>

Allie advocated adding the bridge of the nose because it "just feels right", however Lyndsay opted to stay true to the text and, as such, the bridge of the nose does not seem to have been included in the diagram that was drawn up.

## Mentioned in

* S01E05 - You Don't Like BJs?!
* S01E06 - Worship Takes Time
* S01E07 - 45 Minutes of Kissing
* S02E01 - Love Potion No. 9 3/4
* Potterotica LIVE!: Le Threesome
* Patreon Q2E3 - Rising from the Asses
S02E07 - Cl!t Hanger

## Cl!t Hanger

Pansy doesn't need Draco to ensure her satisfaction! Image by Potterotic Rachel.

## Previous and Next

### Next

S02E08 - Sexpelliarmus

The hosts brag about the PR they've been getting. They're kind of a big deal now (especially in Germany!) Then they talk about how they attended the DePaul Pop Culture Conference on Harry Potter.

Discussed an interesting theory that you aren't "sorted" into Gryffindor, but rather you choose to be there and that is your first act of bravery (Ron would have been Hufflepuff, Hermione Ravenclaw and Harry Slytherin.)

They then played some audio recordings of answers that people gave them to the F.O.W.L.S. questions they asked at the DePaul conference.

The episode's reading starts in chapter 2 of the story (after having finished chapter 5 in the previous episode) and reads approximately the first 1/2 of the chapter.

## Episode Summary

Draco decides mid-coitus that Pansy is not up to snuff and goes to find Hermione in the Library after hours.

## Notable Moments

* Allie resurrects her Snape impression from Season 1.
* Joke that Harry and Ron are clueless without Hermione.
* Gasping Lyndsay (and Allie) to the cold open of the chapter and Draco having sex with Pansy.
* Verginer reference
* The Dansy voice is born! It is vaguely like Fran Drescher.
* "Guys, I don't think I can read this next line! Do I have to say this word??" ~ Danny (Lyndsay gives him permission to say "see you next tuesday" instead)
* "'Dumb blonde'. Ouch. Good one Pansy" ~ Lyndsay
* Yes Pansy, guys HATE tight verginers.
* Things on Hermione's brain: 1) Masturbation or 2) Homework
* Undapants reference
* Sugar Ray's "Every Morning" added to their podcast inspired playlist by Danny (mention of four post bed)
* Deathly Hallows uses: 1) Saving humanity, 2) Sex romps
* Chang Bang
* "Can you kids tone it down in here!" ~ Allie, impersonating Slughorn when randy students are having sex on top of him.
* "The harder he gets, the softer he gets" ~ Danny
	+ "awwwwwwww" ~ Allie and Lyndsay
	+ Approx 40 seconds later: "Well that took a turn." ~ Lyndsay (in response to Draco blackmailing a kiss from Granger)
* "I call that a 'Clit hanger'" ~ Danny
* Hosts propose a Potterotica themed Dick-tionary (spelling courtesy of Lyndsay)
* Allie declares that Danny has to read Pansy's parts every time she comes up in fiction.

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Up

Lyndsay: Up

Danny: Up

## Potterotics Shout Outs

* Stephanie mentioned as tuning in for the live shows from work.
* They played audio recordings of answers to the F.O.W.L.S. questions that they asked people at the DePaul Pop Culture Conference
Q16 - Slughornball

## Slughornball

Cover art by Emily Porter

This quickie was released as a special episode to celebrate the Facebook group reaching 2000 Potterotics. This story was written by our very own Miss Emily Porter. The story is not posted on any fanfiction sites, but can be downloaded here.

## Episode Summary

Pansy decides to treat herself to a little R&R (Rest & Rubbing), only to discover that her old Potions professor has camouflaged himself in her hotel room.

## Notable Moments

* Lyndsay imagines them all as superheroes going about their lives and then taking action when the Deathly Swallows sign shows up in the sky.
* Lyndsay sets up the story as being about Plughorn, but it's actually about Slughorn.
* The -Ughorns obviously feature heavily in this episode.
* Danny's Pansy voice also obviously features heavily.
* If you see rose petals, shit is goin' down!
* The hosts rejoice that Pansy is of age. HURRAY CONSENT!
* Allie is reminded that "the Death Eater" is slang for a rim job from and earlier episode.
* Lyndsay makes upset/uncomfortable sounds throughout the episode.
* "That's fair. It's wartime; she may never get leave again." ~ Lyndsay
* "She's got to sleep on something." ~ Both Allie and Lyndsay, simultaneously
* Allie has a gigglefit
* Danny wonders whether he had to simulate vibrations when she put the coin in the bed.
* "Feminist erotica, I love it!" ~ Lyndsay
* "On top of old Sluggy, all covered in sheets" ~ Allie and Lyndsay break out into song together.

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Down

* Love the feminism, but can't stomach the Slughorn vibrations.

Danny: Up

* Love Pansy doin it for herself

Lyndsay: Up

* Like that she's coming into her own. Very power Pansy mood.
S05E04 - Between a C*ck and a Hard Place

## Between a C#ck and a Hard Place

Emily Porter delivers on Lyndsay's request. #RonlingsUnite!

The actual title of the episode is Between a C#ck and a Hard Place, but the # symbol is not allowed in the title of wiki pages, so it had to be substituted with an asterisk.

The hosts announce that they will be appearing at the Emerald City Comic Con.

This episode picks up midway through Chapter 6 and then starts in on Chapter 7.

## Episode Summary

Dana uses Harry to turn back into Draco and then leaves him high and (not so much) dry as Harriet. Harry then seeks help from his (very) good friend Hermione. Ron gets ice cream.

## Notable Moments

* The hosts reminisce about Quickie 1 when they were trying out new opening segments that Lyndsay wrote in which Danny had to call himself odd names. Also when they had him drink Crystal Pepsi and eat Bertie Botts'.
* Allie shares stories of her trip to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando.
* PSA: The hosts are working within the confines of the story and are not aiming to confuse sex and gender.
* Still trying to work out the rules around zerophilia.
* Draco/Dana compared to
	+ Mrs. Doubtfire when he had to keep changing costumes during the birthday dinner.
	+ one of the Dolly Surprise dolls whose hair would grow when you cranked their arms ("Dana Surprise")
	+ The hats that had a fake ponytail attached
* (A:) Where did the jiz go? (D:) Right into the plothole!
* Discussion of Quantum Leap
* Harry is still blindfolded, so he's playing Pin the Tail on the Dana.
* Lyndsay notes that it's impressive that he's doing anal for the first time and managing both a boob and a clit workaround all while blindfolded.
* "LUCY! You've got a lot of explaining to do!"
* Ron acting creepy and invading Harriet's personal space.
* Danny jokes that he imagines Ron walking back in from getting ice cream with whipped cream on his penis.
* Hermione very clinically makes Harry orgasm. She's a very good friend.
* Is Harry dense, or open-minded?
* Allie gets a Wango (and also botches the Wango song)

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Hoftie

* Into the sex piece, but all the dubious consent makes it feel off base

Lyndsay: Hoftie

* Wants all the sex to happen at the Pansy's gender reveal party for the baby

Danny: Up

* Up for the sex parts
* Lying to someone you're having sex with is not hot, Liar Liarson.
* Surgical Hermione sex

## Potterotics Shout Outs

* Emily Porter is tasked with creating a "Varsity Red" meme by Lyndsay. Also mentioned is her famous bobsled work from Season 4.
* Danny talks about his get-together with a few of the Jasons (Emily Porter, Ali Matthews and Alyssa Dewitte, and Eric Scull) in Chicago recently.
* Wango winners: Melinda (BJ, South country lunch, finger bang, Plughorn, Pansy), Danny D (Doritos, sexy owl, CONSENT, Harry's befuddled, verginer)
S08E01 - Fantastic Kinks and Where to Find Them

## Fantastic Kinks and Where to Find Them

This is the first episode of Season 8, which is alternately stylized as the "fan-tastic season 8" and "Season Masterb8". This season features the story "He Who Must Not Be Disobeyed", which was co-written by two Potterotics: BrandonStrayne and Keep\_Calm\_And\_Expecto\_Patronum. This episode covers approximately the first 3/4 of chapter 1 of the story.

## Episode Summary

Bathilda has convinced her friend Albus to come for a wild night at an underground sex club and Albus isn't sure how he feels about the situation...that is until he meets the charming, hunky bartender.

## Notable Moments

* Episode kicks off with a Grindeldore themed cover of "Summer Nights" from Grease.
* "Let's have a little foreplay before we blow a load in your ear." ~ Allie
* Allie and Lyndsay joke that Danny should have made the banner say "Fan-tASS-Dick" to be a true Danny joke.
* Danny is concerned he's going to have to learn new words (like "macabre")
* Allie used to hang at "Club HJ" (not the actual name of the club, but could have been)
* "Do you have a white wine that would pair well with this table oral sex?" ~ Allie
	+ "It would be a Penis Grigio" ~ Danny
	+ "MerBlow" ~ Lyndsay
	+ "ChardonHAY!" ~ Allie
* Danny and Allie discuss Danny's wall climbing teacher. Lyndsay wonders why they keep calling it "wall climbing" rather than "indoor rock climbing".
* Canon ages in the wizarding world are flexible given that they live so long. So it's not \*that\* weird that Albus is at a sex club with his former babysitter...right?
* Allie just realized that she was picturing old Albus and could be picturing Jude Law and adjusts her mental image accordingly.
* Danny guesses that the "Priapo Charm" is a booze charm, but actually it is a reference to Priapus , a Greek fertility god noted for his " oversized, permanent erection"
* The hosts make plans to go to sex masks with Potterotica branded masks.
* The hosts are ALL IN for the consent mood rings
* "Second order of business: A very stiff stiffie" ~ Allie and Lyndsay, simultaneously.
* Gasping Lyndsay
* Allie's never allowed in a sex club because she calls them "clamp-aroo-roos"
* "Wulf" is sexy, but it's no "Brian"
* Potterotics Homeworks: What is your sexy club name?

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Up

* Feeling really good about the story.

Danny: Up

* Excited to see where this is going

Lyndsay: Up

* Her mood ring is GREEN.
* 50 Shades of Grey a little bit

## Potterotics Shout Outs

* Kathleen, for coining "Season Masterb8" during the Patreon Dongs Behind our Behinds broadcast.
Marjoram

In Season 7, Episode 1, Allie comments that it's good that cinnamon was featured and not something like marjoram. Lyndsay and Danny seem unfamiliar with the spice and Allie has to Google it. Since then, it has become a recurrent joke on the Potterotics FB group, with people posting pictures of marjoram containers, etc.

## Featured in

* Q07E01 - Sugar and Spice and Everything Naughty - Origin
* Q09 - Wolfstar of David
S05E05 - Fingerblast from the Past

## Fingerblast from the Past

Now, with CONSENT! Image by the wonderful Potterotic Dave.

This episode picks up midway through Chapter 7 and continues through Chapter 8 and onto Chapter 9.

## Episode Summary

Draco finally reveals himself to Harriet and sets him.

## Notable Moments

* "It's like being in your 30's on Bumble. Oh wait...imagine that" ~ Lyndsay
* "Parmician Flu" sounds like "Parmesan Flu"
	+ "Tell me when to stop....never!" ~ Lyndsay (kicks off a Danny gigglefest)
* Gasping Lyndsay
* Hosts joke that Draco's boss, "Roberton"', has the first name Jason and nobody calls him that because they don't remember it.
* (A:) So they're about to have an encounter. (L:) Are you still thinking about Parmesan? Of course that's what's happening!
* (L:) I don't think they need her, but I don't want them to come to that conclusion. (A:) They don't gots to know that!
* Reference to the Awooga moment from Season 3.
* Hermione needs to watch Draco/Dana and Harry/Harriet have sex...FOR SCIENCE!
* Danny's Ron voice has an Australian accent.
* Allie attempts to do a Harriet voice which is quickly SHUT DOWN by Lyndsay and Danny.
* Hosts joke that Harry just thinks people are really into blindfolds these days and still hasn't put it together that Draco = Dana.
* "Did Draco just tear his thong off with his teeth? That's hot!" ~ Lyndsay
* CONSENT!
* Danny goes to make a Mrs. Doubtfire reference and accidentally says Mrs. Dumbledore. Hosts joke that book 6 is kind of like Mrs. Doubtfire; Dumbledore was kicked out of Hogwarts and has to find a way back in to be with "his kids".
* Hosts want to know what happened with that Panini baby (Blaise/Pansy)

## Wands Up or Wands Down

Allie: Up

* No dubious consent, like the end.
* Both into each other in either sex

Lyndsay: Up

* Wand is so up that it keeps whispering "sssh shhh" to her brain, that keeps wanting to ask questions.

Danny: Up

* Great momentum

## Potterotics Shout Outs

* The hosts start the episode with a PHENOMENAL Katy Perry cover called "Teen Sex Dream" by Potterotic UncleAragog78.
* Chelsea is given a shout-out for creating this wiki.
Dubious Consent

A common occurrence in fanfiction is somewhat dubious consent, meaning that there isn't fully knowledgeable, adult consent to sexual activities. Though the Golden Threesome pre-screen stories to a certain extent to make sure there isn't any blatant underage or rape content, some of the stories still have thorny consent questions.

The hosts regularly point out their concerns around these facets of the stories and rejoice when a consent issue is resolved/proven to not be a problem. This reference also spawned the CUH-CUH-CUH-CONSENT joke.

## Referenced in

* Season 1 - there is some questions around Hermione's age and the fact that Snape is so much older than her and in a position of power over her (teacher/student). Eventually in Episode 7 it is confirmed that Hermione is almost 20, but the power dynamic remains.
* Season 2 - Draco is under the power of Amortentia and yet Hermione has sex with him despite him being effectively drugged. In episode 2 Draco performs "sex hexes" on Hermione during class which is deemed "a little violatey".
* Season 5 - Draco does not tell Harry his true identity neither before sex nor after.
Q10 - Ron's Tiny Problem

## Ron's Tiny Problem

A scene many of us wish we could forget, immortalized by Potterotic Dave

In this episode we read "Ron's Tiny Problem & Hermione's Big Solution" by sordidhumor.

This entire episode is one big Ron Bash.

## Episode Summary

Hermione is pregnant and horny and Ron's tiny equipment just isn't cutting it, so Ron asks Harry to have a threesome.

## Pairings

* Ron/Hermione
* Harry/Hermione
* Harry/Ron
* Harry/Ron/Hermione

## Notable Moments

* The hosts talk about the Twitter Yule Ball, where people roleplay/livetweet the Hogwarts Yule Ball
* The hosts can't get out their Quickie jingle because of a giggling fit.
* Allie changes "time for us to read another quick fanfic" to "time for us to read about Ron's small prick"
* Possibly one of the best cold opens into a fic the podcast has ever done.
* "feel the rhythm feel the rhyme, Hermione's pregnant, bobsled time!"
* Allie makes a joke that Harry wouldn't even understand what they were asking him to do.
* Danny mentions "going out with Jill tonight" being a euphemism for masturbating because your hand makes that shape?
* Hermione is very hormonal...Hormonie
* Getting rid of the Dark Lord should buy you a lot of positive kharma.
* Reference to Harry being a cock critiquer.
* "Ron's the ice cream and she wants Harry's pickle." ~ Lyndsay
* New nickname for the crotch area: "the south country"
	+ "Pack your bags! We're going south!" ~ Allie
	+ "Don't forget a converter, because there's a different plug!" ~ Danny
* Lyndsay wonders why Hermione didn't "Engorgio" Ron's penis while Danny warns us about the dangers of penis enlargement ads.
* Allie wonders if Hermione couldn't just shrink her vagina magically to accomodate Ron's Tiny Problem until they realize that might cause the baby to just pop out.
* "She's so wet! OH! HER WATER BROKE!"
* "And his "big brown eye" gazed up at Ron" ~ Allie
* Gasping Lyndsay
* "Girl's been doing her Kegels!" ~ Lyndsay
* The hosts are in uproar as the unborn baby joins in on the action
	+ "So she's breech" ~ Allie
* The hosts are so turned off they change the Wands Up or Down Song to "are you wands definitely down"
* "Sorry!" \*kiss\*
* "Ask not what your South Country can do for you, but what you can do for your South Country" ~ Lyndsay
* "The south has won, my friends" ~ Allie
* Ron's dick's name is Jason
* It's not the size of the prize, it's the lack of apology when you ejaculate.

## Wands Up or Down?

* Lyndsay: Down
	+ Only thing she's up for is the creativity and the fact that Harry is so large he rips condoms
	+ Down for Ron not only having a small dick, but also being a premature ejaculator
* Danny: Down
	+ up for the bobsled, and everyone's willingness to support a pregnant lady
* Allie: Down
	+ up for pregnant women embracing their sexual needs
	+ down for Ron unnecessarily being involved, coming too soon and the word "sorry"
Improper Use of Magic

A section of The Pod in which the hosts correct past mistakes regarding mispronunciation of words or spells, or misremembering what was mentioned or happened in Harry Potter canon. This segment was introduced in Episode 7 of Season 1, but is not a regular occurrence and is rarely called out by name.

## Mentioned in

* S01E07 - 45 Minutes of Kissing
* S01E08 - Squirts So Good
Q13E01 - Bludger? I Hardly Know Her!

## Bludger? I Hardly Know Her!

Everyone showed up to cheer for Matilder. Episode art by Dave.

In this episode, the hosts read approximately the first half of the story "Bet On It" by idreamofdraco.

## Episode Summary

The tension is heating up between Professors Weasley and Draco both on and off the Quidditch pitch.

## Notable Moments

* You save 15% or more on your car insurance with Graco (play on Lyndsay's guess of what the Draco/Ginny ship name would be)
* Allie admits that in the last year or so she's read over 140 fanfics. Lyndsay and Danny have read zero outside of the pod.
* Potterotics Homework: Send them any of your early fanfic works because they want to do an episode where they read them.
* Lyndsay talks about her non-existent daddy issues as a child
* Allie was a hippie and wrote about which colours represents each emotion and also saving the rainforest.
* Allie and Lyndsay are appalled that McGonagall appears to be retired. Danny imagines her lounging on a beach in a bikini sipping a mai tai.
* Danny and Lyndsay talk about new shows (A.P. Bio). Allie is almost caught up on Arrested Development.
* Allie has issues reading aloud and then has a laughing jag.
* "I'm going to spank you. After we develop the plotline of this story where I get to spank you. Otherwise it will come a little out of left field." ~ Danny, imitating Draco.
* Danny prefers "balls" jokes
* The hosts apparently think Draco laughs like Beavis & Butthead
* "Crotch" is a moodkiller.
* Phew! McGonagall is still there.
* "Interesting correlation between the retirement of Madam Hooch and subsequent hiring of Ginny Weasley and the sudden rising interest in Quidditch among fourth year boys." ~Danny
	+ "Everybody fly topless!" ~ Lyndsay
* Danny does a Dobby voice which may be even better than is Pansy voice!
* Dobby cuts sandwiches into the shape of a sock (which is a lot of wasted sandwich)
* Allie needs to pause the story to find out which subject Septima Vector taught (arithmancy). Lyndsay couldn't care less.
* Allie mispronounces "Matilda" as "Matilder".
* Allie mispronounces "scowl" as "scwowl" - kicks off a laughing jag
* Everyone is running with "Matilder" - change approved!
* Why are they even riding brooms? Shouldn't technology have advanced? They should be riding roombas!
* A little bit of gasping Lyndsay at the end.
* Lyndsay improvs an extension to the Wands Up or Down song to mock their sloppy handling of the end of the reading.
* Dumbledore = Mr. Belding

## Wands Up or Down

Allie: Up

* Likes the tension and dynamics. Excited to see them work out their angst

Danny: Up

* Reference to McGonagall on the beach was great (not actually part of the story, but is now part of Danny's headcanon).

Lyndsay: Up

* Likes the Draco tension

## Potterotics Shout Outs

* Stephanie's remix of "This is Me" from The Greatest Showman - First person perspective of Harry waking up as Harriet from Season 5.
* Dave and Emily have a lot of visuals to churn out for this episode.
AllStar

AllStar is the ship name of Allie and Sirius. Potterotic Dave stepped up and rewrote the song lyrics. He later sang the song and it was played on Episode 1 of Quickie 12 of the podcast. The song is on the Potterotica Playlist, and the mp3 is also downloadable from there.

## AllStar Remix Lyrics

Somebody once told me that Pads is gonna bone her

He’s got the largest tool in the bed

He was looking at her bum when his precum starts to run

In the shape of an “I” down his strong leg.

Well the rears start coming and he didn’t start humping

Bed had no rules so she couldn’t start cuming

Didn't make sense not to grab his ‘gun’

His dick gets hard and his head goes numb

So much to do, so much to see

So what's wrong with ditching the black sheets?

She’ll never know if she don't blow

She’ll never pine if he don't grow

Hey now, you're an ALLSTAR, get your game on, go bone

Hey now, you're a cock star, get the show on, get laid

And all their sex, makes him groan

Fucking Padfoot raw makes her moan

It's a warm place and they say it gets warmer

They’re snuggled up now, wait till he gets bolder

But this meatier man begs to kiss her

Making sure he gets her just a little bit slicker

Its nice to mate with Padfoot, not the Grim

Her body’s getting wet so he dives right in,

Her world's on fire, he’s on all fours

That's the way she likes it and she never gets bored

Hey now, you're an ALLSTAR, get your game on, go bone

Hey now, you're a cock star, get the show on, get laid

And all their sex, makes him groan

Fucking Padfoot raw makes her moan

Hey now, you're an ALLSTAR, get your game on, go bone

Hey now, you're a cock star, get the show on, get laid

And all their sex, makes him groan

Fucking Padfoot raw makes her moan

Padfoot then asks how much she came just from that?

She pulls him down into her face

She said yep I am so wet

I could use a little foreplay myself

And we could both use a little sex

Well the rears start coming and he didn’t start humping

Bed had no rules so she couldn’t start cuming

Didn't make sense not to grab his ‘gun’

His dick gets hard and his head goes numb

So much to do, so much to see

So what's wrong with ditching the black sheets?

She’ll never know if she don't blow (blow)

She’ll never pine if he don't grow

Hey now, you're an ALLSTAR, get your game on, go bone

Hey now, you're a cock star, get the show on, get laid

And all their sex, makes him groan

Fucking Padfoot raw makes her moan

And all their sex, makes him groan

Fucking Padfoot raw makes her moan
'Rear' End Review

We look back on one year of the Potterotica Podcast.

## Summary and Notable Moments

* Lyndsay rewrote "The Night Before Christmas" to be "The Night Before Potterotics Comes Out"
	+ Many Potterotica jokes make an appearance, but very noticeably, SEX HEX!

* We are treated to our very first host-written fanfic - "The Naughty Hufflepuff" by Allie in which Danny has detention with Professor McGonagall
	+ Danny has re-enslaved all the house elves by stealing their socks
	+ the couch in McGonagall's office makes suspicious noises
	+ Mrs Weasley has knitted Danny a sweater with a giant black D in the front - unfortunately not the letter
	+ The black cloth makes an appearance, as does the -Ughorns and Gasping Lyndsay, as did a lot of other Potterotica jokes.

* Danny has some Potterotics stats for us
	+ "I kind of wish I'd kept the gift receipt on these, uh, statistics" ~ Danny
* Pretty much ALL the podcast jokes make an appearance in this episode.
* The Potterotics rated the hottest and nottest moments on Potterotica for the year.
Amber Pechacek

Widely considered to be the drunkest Potterotic (mostly because she proclaims herself to be so), Amber somehow manages to wake up from her stupors frequently enough to be one of the top contributors on the Potterotics site. Sure, some of her posts don't make sense, but that's half her charm. Also has a tendency to leave drunken voicemail messages for The Golden Threesome.

## Shout Outs!

* Q02E01 - New Owl Who Dis?
* S03E02 - Ass-thetics 101 - Drunken voicemail is played.
* S03E03 - "Suck It, Malfoy." - Hosts defer to her wisdom and expertise on drinking games.
* LIVE T&A with the Hosts - Hosts answer a question asking whether they ever get drunk while recording and guess that this question came from Amber.
* Q08E02 - Dela Dela Bills, Y'all
* 'Rear' End Review
* Horny Holiday Sing-along
Floo-ty Call AWOOOOOGA

This is a joke that arose from S03E06 - Floo-ty Call. After 5 episodes of slow burn, Draco and Malfoy finally kiss and The Golden Threesome could not be more thrilled!

## Mentioned in

* S03E06 - Floo-ty Call (origin
* S05E05 - Fingerblast from the Past

## Other Media

* Iphone ringtone (m4r) created by Chelsea
* Android ringtone (mp3) created by Chelsea