308: My Pinky Finger Is Very Precise!

## Summary

Mo is incapacitated while protecting Raphina, and Rosco is shot down as he runs to the rescue. Will and Batthwack arrive, but not before Rosco the dog is killed while keeping his master alive. Raphina is brought round and the full fury of the group's vengeful wrath is unleashed as they destroy the assassins without mercy. With the fight over, Mo is revived and Rosco performs a burial in the river for his faithful canine companion.

## Synopsis

From within the dark room, Mo cries out in anguish and then falls silent. The assassin emerges and joins the other hooded, dark-cloaked figures, and Rosco is shot with poisoned crossbow bolts. He collapses to the ground, calling out to Will before unconsciousness takes him, *"Assassins! Raphina!"*.

In the captain's quarters, Batthwack, now aware of Ricardo's plot against them, shoves the captain out of the way, who falls and is knocked unconscious. Batthwack flies out the window using his new boots, and up to the flat roof of the boat. Conscious that he has no armour or shield, he casts *Shield of Faith* on himself.

Rosco the dog licks the face of his dying master as Will *Flies* onto the roof, transforming into Ricardo Odysseus. *"What's going on here?!"* he shouts angrily at the hooded figures, who look up, but then seem to ignore him and carry on. They stalk cautiously towards the corner where Sheemie is hiding and as they pass, Rosco the dog tries to bite one of them. The assassin ruthlessly stabs the faithful hound in response, who falls limply to the ground and is still. Batthwack looks down at the dire scene below him, casting *Aura of Vitality*, healing Raphina and bringing her round.

   Rosco is about to finally submit to death, when a single mustard seed left behind by Rosco the dog's licks goes down his throat, and this is just enough to cause him to cling to life. The seriousness of the situation dawns on Batthwack and Will. Batthwack growls, *"Will! Fight!"* and Will's mood suddenly shifts into a different gear as he ferociously casts *Eyebite*, rising into the air with shadowy spectral goons about him, his face changing into a terrifying mask of death. One of the assassins jumps from the ship in terror as Will swoops/jumps down like an angel of death.

Raphina casts *Call Lightning* out over the Beartoggle River, creating a tornado-like storm that whips the water up into a frenzy and sends a wave crashing over the side of the boat. She dives on top of Rosco's unconscious body to protect him from the surge of water.

The sword-wielding robed figure at the front of the group turns and fires a crossbow bolt into Will, who whips round to look at his attacker, the beedy eyes of his scary demon mask fixing on him. The other remaining hooded figure slips on the water-soaked deck and shoots themselves in the foot. Meanwhile, unsure how to help, Sheemie climbs through a window into the boat's wheelhouse.

Batthwack heals Rosco, who, with Raphina on top of him, was actually in the midst of a beautiful erotic dream about the Fairy Queen set amongst resplendent flowers and plants. He gasps as he's yanked back to consciousness and opens his eyes. The dragonborn then immediately leaps down from the roof, cloak billowing behind him, directly onto the assassin who had shot themselves, cleaving them clean in two with a blinding flash of white holy light from his sword. Rosco casts *Balm of the Summer Court* to heal Raphina.

Out of the corner of his eye Rosco sees the still form of his faithful dog companion and grief and rage erupts within him. He invisibly casts *Mind Sliver* on the last assassin who's taking cover around the corner. They grab their head in pain as Will stalks over right next to them, his head jerking round again to look at them. The assassins face is that of Ricardo Odysseus, which turns pale at the horrifying sight of Will's mask. He is sickened with fear and when Raphina casts *Sacred Flame* he is set ablaze and goes tumbling over the railing and into the river, dead.

The boat lurches to the port side as Sheemie steers rather too enthusiastically, but everyone manages to stay on their feet. Batthwack hurriedly heals Mo, who leaps to his feet looking for enemies to stab, so the others have to try and calm him down and explain that the fight is over. Will peers into the roiling river looking for the assassin who first jumped ship; his red mist doesn't seem to have dissipated yet and he is still completely focused on their attackers. While Will kneels down and goes through the remains of the assassin who was cut in half, Rosco just sits solemnly and holds the body of his canine companion, deducing what must have happened while he was unconscious. When Mo learns of the dog's death, his outpouring of grief is frenetic and chaotic in stark contrast to Rosco. Rosco sheds a single tear before collecting himself and standing up.

While Batthwack goes door to door, Will finds a ceramic mask modelled like a theatrical tragedy mask in amongst the assassin's robes, along with a few coins and a supply of poisoned crossbow bolts. He seems to come to his senses at this point and stands up to begin *Prestidigitating* himself clean. Raphina does a quick *Mass Cure Wounds* and everyone follows Batthwack to check the rooms. Last to go is Rosco, who picks up the dog's body and mutters, *"One last R&R, buddy,"* before whirling him round by the tail and launching his dead body into the river with a splash. Raphina comforts Rosco, saying, *"This is a good river for him to be in. It'll take care of him. It'll take care."* The boat continues on down the river.

## Quotes

* Abby (when Rosco is also reduced to zero hit points): *"Can we be in some purgatory together where we talk to each other from our states of unconsciousness?"* Eric: *"It's called recording a D&D podcast."*
* KT (when Abby suggests a cool mod of her *Call Lightning* spell): *"She can do whatever the fuck she wants, okay, you guys? She's probably cast a million spells near this river. Just because we haven't witnessed her do it. She was pulled from this river and went to Ravenloft. That was a million years of living here, and then she went to Ravenloft for like four weeks. And now she's back. And this river is her bitch. And she's gonna fucking make the river attack these guys!"*

## Trivia

* The episode title is a quote from Abby. When Eric had asked her what the spell looked like, she said *"All you see is my left pinky finger rotating like a tornado, a spiral, like that. And from that it sort of connects, you know, the air currents all the way up to the clouds, and the clouds gather right over that spot."* Later, while trying to locate the 60-foot radius cylinder of her her *Call Lightning* in just such a way that it would get only the bad guys. Adam: *"You can position the centre of it in just such a way..."* Abby: *"Exactly! With my pinky finger! My pinky finger is very precise."*
* This week's episode description describes the Pork Fried Dice wiki as: astounding.

## Recap Song

*Main article: The Music of Pork Fried Dice*
This episode featured Adam doing a recap to the tune of *Cool, Calm And Collected* by The Rolling Stones:

*[Verse 1]*

Well, we were still travelling to

Who knows where, without any clue

Will tried giving Batthwack the shoes

When they turned into two pairs of two

*[Chorus]*

Will was suspicious

Was this inauspicious?

*[Verse 2]*

The others were eating corndog cake

When Will came and tried to take

A moment to talk about the stakes

The group just gave him a headache

*[Chorus]*

So he pulled out an item

A spherical conundrum

*[Verse 3]*

He said, "We can't just throw orbs away,

We have to deal with them in a sensical way"

Rosco talked 'bout balls in a weird way

Then got fed up and tried to walk away

*[Chorus]*

Will confronted Rosco:

"What motives lie below-oh?"

*[Verse 4]*

"Sometimes alone is exactly

What we all need to be,"

Said Rosco, then got solitary

While Batthwack played invitee

*[Chorus]*

Ricardo Odysseus

Was being flirtatious

*[Verse 5]*

The captain barely contained his spite

But Batthwack assumed that all was alright

Sheemie, Raphina, and Mo spent the night

Snooping but just found a fight

*[Chorus]*

She's in so much danger!

Assassins are a game changer!

*[Verse 6]*

She's been stalking Odysseus' clone

Now she and Mo are in a fight alone

From the dark room a dagger has flown

Hitting her in the shoulder bone

*[Verse 7]*

Sheemie runs to Will and Rosco

Who both begrudgingly go

Along with Bernard, Will's bro

While Raphina now faces a crossbow

*[Verse 8]*

Batthwack is asked what he believes

Some whiskey the captain retrieves

Tries kissing Batthwack but his lips leave

His plan is starting to upheave

*[Verse 9]*

The poison in the whiskey didn't work

On this overgrown dragonborn jerk

Remembering his time as a hotel clerk

He thinks with a dark, mirthless smirk

*[Verse 10]*

"Enjoy your time on the SS Strahd!

Oh, do you think my boat name is odd?

Well luckily for you and your squad,

You'll be dead soon thanks to my facade!

*[Verse 11]*

Wait, did I say that aloud?

That's OK, maybe two's a crowd..."

## Gallery

*Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice*

## References

1. ↑ Rosco rolled a critical fail on his first death save, but his dog's actions gave him advantage on his second roll, which was lucky because the first roll of his second death save was another natural 1!
2. ↑ See episode 279: Miracle Whip It Good