Internet Comment Civil War Etiquette

"*The year is now 2050. America is no longer habitable, and thus the frontlines have shifted upwards into the cold hell of space.*"
―Narrator
Internet Comment Civil War Etiquette is the 122nd lesson of Internet Comment Etiquette. It was released on October 2, 2020.

## Summary

In the year 2050, the Second American Civil War has been raging for 30 years and become a space-war. On board the S.S. Ted Cruz, Captain Salvia and another soldier are fighting the Space Rebels. The captain gets hit and asks for the artifact. He explains that it's going to be found embedded in an asteroid by a mining colony in 2055 and explains that it took them to the year 2020. He programs it to access the internet from September 30, 2020, the official start date of the war. He explains that if he makes an internet post, it will appear to internet users in 2020. Then he sends a tweet declaring that he's horny, getting one step closer to preventing the civil war.

He greets his 2020 students and to test the machine, he loads up a fart video from the year 2017 and leaves a comment. He instructs Nathan the Open Butt Sitter to call him on his space phone in the year 2050. Then the captain gets a call and hangs up on him. He also finds out that he can join a 2020 Rainbow Six server but accidentally teamkills them.

The captain goes to a 2020 video from the early stages of the civil war and leaves a comment, but the comment is rude and just makes things worse. He decides to balance it out by antagonizing the other side on Twitter. Then a call comes in from Evil Shawn. He tries to track the IP address that Captain Salvia is using, but he can't because Captain Salvia uses NordVPN. Salvia sends an email back in time to Shawn's crazy girlfriend Phoebe, so she kills him and he disappears from the timeline.

Captain Salvia is running out of time, so he goes to the Facebook page where the civil war started: I love thick mexican chicks with fat tittys and cute faces. He gets there before the war begins and posts a fart video to the page. Within seconds, an army of students overwhelm the page with shirtless old men and other examples of etiquette, completely eliminating the chance of this page ever producing an argument. Captain Salvia succumbs to his wounds as the war is won.

In the year 2020, Erik wakes up and realizes that the timeline has been fixed.

## Comments

*IM HOOOOORNY #DESPACITO*
- Captain Salvia

*Hey fart guy, today's your lucky day. This is next Tuesday's winning lottery numbers: 35 15 28 67 49 02 -- when you get rich I want you to take all that money and invest it in sex robots. Then in exactly 30 years from the time of this comment being posted, I want you to call this number on your space phone: 0924835093450. I'll answer any questions you have then. Hopefully the money will be enough to convince you this is real. Good luck fart man, and you probably want to move to Canada or something no reason don't worry about it*
- Captain Salvia

*I wish I could time travel back even further to when the internet was being invented so I could show them this comment section. If they knew the internet was gonna be easy enough to use that even dumb pieces of shit like you people could figure it out, they'd probably just keep the whole thing to themselves. I guess the idea of a civil war sounds exciting right now, but just wait until your bullshit podunk town gets cut off from every supply line, and your already rampant incest suddenly becomes the only way to generate food for yourself. Hey do they even have schools where you're from or did they just tack a board that says “COLLEGE” above a coal mine and send you in? Alright seeya morons, you guys all suck mad dicks, don't do a civil war*
- Captain Salvia

*vote for kanye and stop recycling*
- Captain Salvia

*Yo nice dick dude, you could put a glove on the end of that thing and be a three armed mutant for Halloween. Anyway I hope this video cheers you up https://youtu.be/JBISbcsmU7E*
- Captain Salvia as Salvia Snackass

*Hey anybody else votin for Kanye*
- Salvia Snackass

## Video

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