Letting Go (Story)

**Letting Go** was a story written during early 2020. It's basically about Zelly and Ron's breakup and her confronting him about his repressed gayness, as well as giving some insight into her point of view on the story, which is frustratingly lackluster in these stories hhh

She just wants her boys to be happy

## **Summary**

During a simple party with friends, Ron finds himself a bit more down than usual. His girlfriend Zelly takes notice of this and finally decides to bring up a topic the two of them have been avoiding for a while.

She knows his heart is set on someone else, and maybe... it's time they see other people. She know she hasn't been fully honest with him either.

## **Letting Go**

It was a lively night in the forest, and as the sound of bouncy ragtime music filled the large brightly lit Steampunk-themed workshop, Ron simply sat idly at a table, glancing at the guests but not actually paying any attention to what he was looking at.
The large tall room had been decorated and arranged to hold a party. Surprisingly, the party was hosted by Steam and Rust themselves who, after the success of the first one a few years back, had begun to host these small events every few months. It was always a fun gathering, doubling as a way to help promote and gather funds for the workshop.

As he looked distractedly in the distance, Ron seemed lost in thoughts as he had been for quite a while now. He had long forgotten what the theme for this specific party even was, or if there even was one to begin with. Rust and Steam took a particular interest in theming these parties after their specific interests, but they could rarely ever reach an agreement, which often just resulted in weird mismatched themes, like antique clocks mixed with vintage airplanes.

The clock shaped cupcakes with chocolate plane wings stuck on them did receive a few odd looks from the guests and had been a running joke for a few weeks back then. And while Ron usually helped with diffusing these weird thematic disputes, it seemed that whatever they had agreed for this one just seemed to have worked somehow. Goggles and top hats, was it? At least they settled on something that actually made sense when put together.

For someone who was so nitpicky and finicky with not liking to socialize outside of his work, Rust was often particularly excited about these parties, usually wanting to go all out with his ideas, which Steam often countered with how they were not only, overly ambitious, but just straight up impractical and unrealistic, and occasionally with explosive outcomes.

*"And who's going to clean that up once the party's over? It's certainly not going to be me!"* He could recall Steam saying.

But Ron had already had his fair share of talking and catching up with the two mechanics and other friends around. The party had been going on for a while, and all that socializing had made him grow tired, especially when Rust began going off about whatever overly contrived idea he had been scheming for the next party.

As much as Ron didn't mind lending an ear to hear his adoptive brother talk his mouth off about his intricate plans, today just wasn't a good day for it. Rust had taken notice of his brother's strange mood, realizing how he was just completely zoning out with his rambles. And despite inquiring about it, Ron wasn't that interested in sharing what was on his mind with him. He wasn't interested in sharing his thoughts with anyone, really.

So when Rust dismissed himself, Ron just let out a sigh, going back to staring at the guests thoughtfully. He was trying not to look, but his gaze once again fell on a familiar shade of blue plaid, contrasting strongly with the oranges and browns of the workshop. It was Blade, the one who had been tormenting his thoughts for these past months if not years already, and of course, his dearest best friend.

He noticed how he seemed to be catching up with Steam as the two appeared to be having a pleasant conversation. They seemed to have developed somewhat of a friendship, though Ron didn't recall ever seeing them interacting outside of these parties. Him and Ron had also been hanging out earlier, but when Rust called him to help out with picking up something, Blade stayed behind, not really wanting to interact. He wasn't one to mingle that much unless approached, and he usually just preferred sticking to his corner by the wall anyway.

Ron felt bittersweet, it was the same spot he'd always stay in, ever since the first of these parties, he'd always be there. He thought years back, fuzzy recollections of a past argument that he could hardly remember anymore. In that spot, instead of the guy currently laughing loudly with his mechanic friend, Ron recalled the anxious, younger boy who once ran away at the sight of him.

He felt bad thinking of it as "old teen drama", but although it had been a few years since that old conversation, Ron still regarded it with bittersweet nostalgia. Even more, now that he knew how Blade had felt about him back then.

He knew because a few months back, Blade himself had confessed his feelings to him, and despite the overall awkward situation it all presented, the two of them remained extremely close friends. If anything, the confession seemed to have only strengthened their bond. Ron could wonder if Blade still liked him, but he didn't have to for long.

His friend had become a lot more open and expressive ever since the confession, and although the topic of his crush hadn't been brought up ever since, Ron couldn't help but get flustered with the way that Blade would smile at him. He didn't have to flirt, he didn't need to do anything. The way he'd smile so sweetly and tenderly was all that it took to make his heart skip a beat.

Ron immediately got filled with guilt, he had spent these past months just ruminating on the thoughts of it all, but he couldn't keep doing this. His thoughts were interrupted when he noticed Steam nudging Blade and pointing to where he was sitting. The two Drimare exchanged cheeky looks and waved as Ron blushed and waved back.

They seemed to be beckoning him to come to hang out with them. But as Ron awkwardly smiled and did the universal *"I'm fine, thanks"* gesture with his hand, shaking his head, the two Drimare shrugged it off. Though he could tell Blade had a worried expression on his face before he went back to his conversation.

Ron felt the cursed fluttering feeling coming back as the two locked eyes for a brief second. It was the feeling he had tried so hard to push away. But the longer the time passed, the more it seemed to demand to make its presence known, refusing to remain buried away for any longer. It was the feeling of longing that he'd get when looking at him, the pondering of all the "what ifs." Ron could feel it all weighing down on him again.

In his thoughts, he had come to realize that he had never made peace with the feelings he had for Blade all those years ago, instead, shrugging them off as some ridiculous teen crush that just never went away, buried and repressed over an internalized fear of admitting he had feelings for his best friend.

Ron had never really been in love, so to speak, nor did he get that much of a chance to when he was younger. He supposed that maybe it was just a coincidence how no girls had ever really caught his fancy, up until Zelly that is. But even then, she didn't give him the same feeling that Blade did and his guilt had been eating him alive for longer than he ever wanted to admit it to himself. Could he secretly "swing both ways" just like Blade did? Could that explain it?

He quickly shook his head with this thought. How many more times did he have to keep saying *"Stop thinking about it!"* to himself until his thoughts would stop? He wondered if Blade had too felt a similar way to this. Maybe it could explain why he was always so stressed out all the time.

Ron figured he had to bury these feelings deep down in the depths of his mind if he wanted to achieve a semblance of peace of mind. He didn't want to think of his friend that way, and yet, he kept being reminded of the confession, and the first party years ago. He thought so often about it, he thought about the feeling he'd get when they'd embrace and cry it out.

The feeling he'd get when he would hold Blade close to his chest taunted him in his dreams. The way he'd lean against him like he often didn't get a chance to, the way he could feel his nervous heartbeat. The warm embrace often brought him comfort and he couldn't help but crave the feeling. But, he knew. He knew he shouldn't entertain these thoughts.

After all, Ron already had someone, and he dreaded her finding out about the way he felt. She wasn't the type to lash out about it or anything, but he knew this would hurt her and he didn't want for that to happen. He didn't want her to hurt because of how he was still in love with her brother.

Ron's expression was stoic and yet, his heart was aching. He shouldn't be thinking of this, he shouldn't be thinking of him like that. He shouldn't be thinking of him at all. He had someone, he shouldn't.

As if reading his mind, or by fate deciding it was time to torment him, Ron took notice of Zelly approaching him, her expression was one of concern and he felt his guilt worsening, was his poker face slipping through?

He saw her sitting next to him and said nothing. Only seeing her reach out to hold his hand, giving him a concerned yet reassuring smile - Ron... You okay...?

He never wanted to hurt her, Zelly had always been good and great to him, but the more doubt he felt regarding his feelings, the more he wanted to recoil. She didn't deserve this.

She couldn't know, it would break her. Not to mention, her own brother? Would they grow to spite each other? Blade never held it against her, but Ron didn't know if she'd feel the same way. He doubted she would, but he could never be sure. He didn't want that for them, he just wanted them to be happy.

- Ron...? - She shook his hand gently, snapping him of his trance.

- Y-Yes! - He said suddenly - I... I'm fine...!

- Are you...? - She looked at him knowingly and he glanced back at her, concerned. In his shame, he looked away with his ears low as he subconsciously found himself staring longingly at his friend again.

Zelly followed his gaze, and her expression saddened, letting out a sigh as she kept gently holding his hand. Neither Ron nor her brother had told her about anything, but she knew something was up between them. Something had been going on for far too long, and it seemed that something had been up recently.

To her, Blade was painfully transparent and easy to read, no matter how hard he would try to hide and pretend nothing was wrong. But meanwhile, Ron's mind was like staring into the void, he had always been more reserved with what feelings he'd show, and what things he'd tell her. But even then, she knew him well enough to know when he was feeling down.

- I don't know what to do, Zel... - He spoke saddened and noticed her look worriedly at him.

- What's going on...?

He simply looked down instead, if they weren't in public, he felt like he'd tear up by responding - I just... I want you to know that none of it is your fault...

She didn't respond for a while, looking sadly at him - ...You always get like this when we come to these parties...

He paused, he knew she was right, he'd always start chatty and cheerful, but by the end, he'd always just get tired and sluggish, usually just staring in the distance while contemplating. Much like he had been now. - I guess I'm just reminded of some things that happened... Old memories... - He mumbled sadly.

Zelly looked at her brother once more, who was simply distracted by conversation with some friends - Anything in particular...? - Her tone sounded sad, she had mentally prepared herself for this conversation a long time ago, she could keep stalling, but the truth would have to come out eventually. Much like her boyfriend, she assumed.

- I... No... I shouldn't... - He felt her holding his hand tighter and blushed a bit - I'm sorry...

- You can tell me... I won't be mad, I promise...

- I don't want to hurt you...

- You're hurting too... I can tell by the way you're looking at him... - She looked back at her brother - It’s pretty obvious what’s been going on...

Ron gasped a bit and looked worried at her - Zel, it's not like that...

- It's fine...! I'm really not mad... - She looked at him, she had a worried yet pained smile on her face before she sighed - Did he tell you...?

- ...Tell me what...?

- About the way he felt about you...?

He seemed reluctant to respond to this - ...Did he tell YOU about it...? - Ron retorted, he didn't like being snappy and just sounded concerned instead. He knew Zelly knew, but from her tone, it seemed like Blade had yet to tell her anything.

- I know him well enough... - She sighed - Besides... It's not like he'd open up to me about something like that... - Zelly commented, looking up at him - You didn't either...

- I was waiting for him to tell you... He asked me not to tell you, actually... It was kind of private too... - he mumbled timidly.

- So he did tell you...

- Uhum... A few months back actually... - He paused for a bit - It... left me with a lot on my mind...

- Like what...?

He noticed Zelly looking at him quietly but expectantly and he felt ashamed of the thoughts he had entertained in the privacy of his mind - N-Nothing special, really... Just... Thoughts about... Things that happened with the two of us...

They were both quiet for a while, Zelly noticing how Ron seemed to be subtly fidgeting with his hands. Despite everything, he still appreciated her being there for him, but at that moment, he felt like he was worse than a cheater. Like he had been lying to her all along.

- Ron... I'm going to be blunt and I want you to answer honestly...

- Uh...?

- No matter what you say... I won't be mad... Just tell me...

- Zel...

- Please trust me. - She held his hand, looking at him, he seemed nervous and looked away.

- ...Fine.

- ...Ron... Do you... have feelings for him...? - He tensed up when he heard this - Be honest.

- Z-Zel, it's not like that...

- Are you sure...?

Another moment of silence, Ron closed his eyes frustrated. He didn't say anything, Zelly knew he didn't have to, his pained expression said everything she needed to know. - I'm... trying not to think about it...

Zelly looked sadly, she expected this, she hoped it wouldn't need to have come to it, but it was inevitable, he tried to hide it but the tension made it unbearable - It's okay, you can tell me...

- I'm not cheating on you, I'm not like that...! - He spoke distressed, lowering his volume in case anyone heard them.

- I didn't say you were... - She reached to get him to look at her and he closed his eyes, leaning towards her touch.

- I'm sorry, I just have a lot in my mind... - He mumbled sadly, feeling ashamed of himself as he held her hand, trying to think of her and only her. He loved her, he did, he told himself over and over, but his heart just didn't respond to it and it was killing him.

- This probably isn't the place to talk about this... - She spoke with a sigh - Do you want to go outside...?

- I'd like that...

They both got up when he said this. Ron took a deep breath as Zelly followed along. She knew she too needed to come clean about some things.

The couple just sat down quietly, the sound of the party now muffled in the distance. Ron was just staring distantly into the night sky, and wordlessly, he dreaded what was to come. Zelly too sat in silence, trying to muster what words to tell him, how to tell them, if to tell them... She knew he wouldn't have the strength to tell her himself after all.

- I... - She started and took a deep breath - I think we should break up... - She spoke sadly, but noticed how Ron didn't respond, only showing a micro-expression of shock and realization, which was quickly covered by one of acceptance.

- Zel... - He mumbled, looking sadly at her, he felt like he should be relieved by this, but instead, this distressed him. He wasn’t ready to face his feelings alone.

- It's clear that your heart belongs to someone else... It has for a long time... - She hugged her knees, looking at him with a sad smile - I still really care about you... - She looked down - I care for the two of you... So, I want to give you the chance to be happy...

- My heart doesn't belong to anyone else, I'm just... I'm just going through some things... - He clenched his fists - I... I'm sorry I've been so distant... You don't have to go...!

- It's fine! We can still be friends... Things don't have to get awkward or weird... - She looked genuinely at him - I just think it's for the best if we don't hold each other down like this.

- I-I don't have feelings for him, that's ridiculous! - He spoke as if offended but he knew he wasn't being sincere - I... I don't... I don't... - He muttered sadly - That was in the past...

- Ron... - She spoke softly - I think you know that's not true... I just don't think this is working... If anything, I just think it's making the three of us more distant... - She looked sadly - I’m so tired of him just avoiding me all the time...

- He still is...?

- For a while, yeah... - She sighed - I wish he would trust me... I wish you would trust me as well... - She looked sadly at him - This is all my fault...

He looked surprised at her, not knowing what to respond - Zel... It’s not...

She simply shook her head, unconvinced - I'm sorry I rushed you into dating me... - Her scarf hands seemed to hug her legs as well.

- What...? - Ron looked worried, if anything, it had been a mutual choice - What do mean you rushed me...? I went into it willingly. - He held her hands - M-Maybe I was mistaking what I felt back then for love... But I wouldn’t have gotten into it if I didn’t like you!

She teared up, looking at him - You don’t get it... I thought it was the right thing, I... I knew you didn't feel the same, but I wanted to believe... - She spoke, crying softly, guilt overwhelming her.

- Zel don't say that, it's not true! - He held her hands - It's not your fault, I... kind of jumped into it as well... It was exciting and I liked you and... I guess I was running away from some feelings I didn't want to face...

- Exactly...! I saw the two of you and I just... - She clenched her teeth, angered at herself just by the thought of it - I wanted to have what you two had... And it's so selfish...! I saw the way you looked at each other and it just... it made me so jealous! It's a horrible feeling! I'm sorry...

- Zel... I know that’s not true... - He looked sadly at her - And even if it was, I know your feelings were still genuine...

- I don’t know if they were... It’s always just been me and him, and then you came along... - Zelly looked down, sniffling a bit, she just wanted him to be happy, she was tired of the tension between her and her brother. It just made her feel like an intruder - Of course I liked you... And I thought I loved you... But... It was fuelled by jealousy and selfish feelings...

- I know it wasn’t... - He held up her chin, her violet eyes still wet with tears.

- Everything you two have gone through... It’s all my fault, isn’t it...?

- It’s not... I’m pretty sure we’d still find contrived ways to still dance around the subject for years regardless... - Ron looked down quietly, only holding her hands, his voice softened - So... You didn't love me either...

- I don't know... - She whimpered - I thought I did...

He began to chuckle softly, which slowly turned into a laugh as tears began to stream down his face - Is it bad that makes me feel relieved...? - He began crying - We really jumped right into this, didn't we...?

She looked sadly at him and blushed as she felt him hug her, resting his head on her shoulder - I'm sorry, Zel... for everything...

- You don't have to apologize... - She whimpered and hugged him back - I'm the one who's sorry... For dumping all of this on you... Especially with how you're feeling about... you know...

He simply shook his head - Don't worry about it...

- I do love you... As a friend of course... You’re one of my closest friends...

- I do too, Zel...

- We’re still friends okay...?

- Of course...

- Promise you won’t be a stranger... I can’t deal with not one but two of you boys just ignoring me...

- I promise, Zel... - He offered a shy smile.

- Do you really love him...? - She asked softly and Ron blushed with this question.

- I... I don’t know if I do... I don’t know what I feel... And... - He paused, looking away - I’m sorry I... I just need time...

- That’s fine too... - She nodded understanding and got up, Ron giving her a worried look.

- Are you going back...?

Zelly looked thoughtful for a bit then stared back at the building in the distance - ...I should go back to see if they need help, but... - She sighed - I just want to go home...

- Whichever will make you feel better... - He was still sitting down, his hands resting on his knees as he looked worried at her.

- What about you...?

Ron looked silent, staring quietly for a while - I’ll stay here for a while... It’s fine... Go home, I'll check in on them later.

- Will you be okay...?

- I will - He offered her a weak smile and she smiled back.

- Then I will as well... - Her expression got saddened again - I’m sorry... For everything...

- I forgive you... And for all it's worth... I'm sorry too...

She reached down to give him one last hug - Thank you... I still want to help you through this... It's the least I can do...

- You really don't have to... It's fine... - he blushed - I'll be fine... You’ll be fine... - He looked down - We both will...

- I know... - She smiled.