Unicorn

Unicornis

Painting of a unicorn and maiden c.1600

Small pockets of Europe

**Unicorns** *(Latin: **Unicornis**)* were a species of now extinct equines who inhabited Scotland and parts of northern England. They were also found in other areas of Europe but not in any significant populations.

They were magical creatures who's abilities were abused by humanity and were driven to extinction due to attempted domestication.

## Biology

In 1515, English scholar Henry Henrison described Unicorns as *"Like, an 'orse with an 'orn, basically"* due to their resemblance to normal horses with the addition of a magically infused ivory horn growing from their forehead.

### Appearance

The majority of Unicorns had either white or black coats with mane colour usually being white, blond, or black. Though rare pink unicorns were known to exist from time to time.

Despite the belief that black coated unicorns were in some way inherently bad or evil, they in fact behaved no differently than the average white, silver, or pastel unicorn and aside from being slightly larger on average and having more hair covering their hooves, they were physically identical as well.

### Magical abilities

Unicorns horns were made of magical ivory and a unicorn could channel it's inner spirit energy to heal living creatures. Some unicorns could also cast illusion spells to stay hidden from predators, though this was rare.

Their manure was also 900% more fertile than the average horse, making them much sought after for human farmers.

## Origins

There is no clear answer to the question *"Where did unicorns come from"* that isn't simply *"your mum"*.

Some beastiological scholars believe that Unicorns are the result of sexual intercourse between a narwhal and the common horse. Other theories claim that unicorns were created by the Roman Empire and simply left there after they left the island.

There is some debate over where geographically unicorns came from due to several other places in Europe showing signs of past unicorn inhabitance. Most notable being the Lascaux cave paintings in France which feature very clear depictions of unicorns.

## Discovery

Unicorns were discovered in the magical forests of Scotland, shortly after the Roman Empire left the British isles. they were described by local farmers as beautiful, with one saying *"aye, rite pretty that, ent she? gonae sell 'er for a new hat"* before attempting to grab the creature, who promptly kicked him in the ~~hat~~ face.

## Use by Humans

Throughout the species history with humanity, Unicorns had been used for many tasks including war, farming, or simply amusement, all of which would eventually lead to their decline and extinction.

### Symbols of prestige

One of the first things the petty kings and chiefs of ancient Scotland did when they discovered unicorns was to tame and ride them as a way of signifying their status among the people. This tradition continued until the outlaw of unicorn ownership in 1642.

Similar to how many early Kings and princes of Wales owned and rode dragons, many Scottish Kings and princes did the same with Unicorns. King Scot, the first king of Scotland, owned many unicorns; at least one of every known colour. King Agnus the Battered was said to have allowed unicorns to wander freely about his castle and gardens.

### Beasts of war

The other first thing humans did with unicorns was attempt to ride them into battle. It went disastrously. Every Scottish chief and petty lord had the same plan; to use a unicorns horn as a built in spear to charge through large amounts of enemies.

The first problem came when it was made apparent that unicorns were a peaceful species and did not want to be involved in human wars. Even when they convinced small numbers to fight, things did not go much better. Since the unicorns primary power is healing, every attack would just heal the enemy soldiers and so unicorns were relegated to being field nurses.

### In farming

Another use for unicorns came after it was discovered that their feces were 900% more fertile than a regular horses. In many cases this simply meant that unicorn manure could be used in farms to grow crops faster and bigger. However the unicorn manure industry would soon take a dark turn as battery farms would soon become commonplace.

### Medicine

Unicorns are natural healers. Their horn has magical properties which allows them to heal others. For some however, the process was too slow and not efficient enough, Scottish Bastard, Doogle McDognostril developed a gruesome procedure in which a unicorns horn could be removed along with all of it's magical energy. Effectively turning it into a portable healing probe. However, this procedure more often than not resulted in death for the unicorn.

In 1462 it was discovered that unicorn blood had pain relieving properties and so began the practice of unicorn blood letting, where a small[*citation needed*] amount of a unicorns blood was removed by slicing an artery in the leg and capturing it in a bucket.

## Extinction

Due to the excessive cruelty brought with continued attempts at domestication of the unicorn, populations of the species plummeted in the mid 16th century. Once it became clear that the future of the species was in jeopardy, a movement to save the unicorn was born. Initially laughed at as bronies or some kind of weird forest furries, these early activist eventually achieved their goal of making the ownership of unicorns illegal. The law was passed in May of 1643 but by then it was too late.

While all owned unicorns were released back into the wild, it was far too late to reverse the psychological damage done to the animals. Many died within weeks unable to cope with life in the wild and those who survived did not mate as they were either unfamiliar with natural mating habits or simply too sad. The only Unicorns to do well in the wild were the very recently tamed those who had not been tamed in the first place.

It is thought that the last unicorns died out in the late 1660s.

## Legacy

The legacy Unicorns left on this world is apparent in their use as creatures of excessive beauty and gayness. After it's extinction, the unicorn became a symbol for oppressed peoples across the world, especially magical creatures. Their name and likeness have been used on banners and in slogans of various civil rights movements.

Radical skeleton activist John Bones, was quoted in 1735 as saying *"Ought we not secure for ourselves those coveted rights of skeleton kind as equals of men, ere we, as all reason dictates, join the noble unicorn in the ashes of history?"*

The Scottish coat of arms still bares a unicorn to this day as a symbol of their heritage, and as an apology to the creature it loved, desired, and undeniably destroyed.