264: Slaad Dressing

## Summary

Panic ensues and the party abandon the race in order to help. Gwen and Raphina magically transport themselves to the top of the dam to locate the source of the blast, while Will finds the prize key on the Arbiter's dead body, and pockets it. There is utter chaos at the top of the stairs as fires rage and they learn that two toad-like slaads had attacked and started heading down. The group give chase, surrounding the creatures and leap into battle as the Grand Staircase burns around them!

## Synopsis

Arbiter Beartoggle's body hits the ground with a thud and people start screaming and running away. Batthwack, Raphina and Gwen can just about make this out from their vantage point about half way up the Grand Staircase, many hundreds of feet above the ground. Raphina can't understand why no-one is helping and calls down to Will, but he's still inside the suit store and can't hear her. *"I wish Mo were here..."* she says. Gwen and Batthwack also hear screaming coming from above them at the top of the dam. The vast majority of the staircase racers are panicking and trying to get off the stairs, heading down as fast as they can. Helen and Gorbis, on the other hand, are still determinedly racing away up the stairs ahead of them.

Gwen urges the rest of the group to abandon the race and try to help instead. She casts *Dimension Door* to get her instantly 500 feet up the staircase, taking Raphina through with her. Seeing his hopes of winning the race evaporate before his very eyes, Batthwack begrudgingly turns around and starts to jog back down the stairs.

Meanwhile, Will is hurriedly gathering all his belongings together after having changed into his brand new, dark purple suit. He can see the images in the scrying mirrors are showing the Arbiter's dead body, which is just a heap on the ground, no longer resembling a person. No ibish are apparent. The sight of the Arbiter's body is very triggering for Will, reminding him of his sister Madelyn's fate. He rushes outside and looking up, sees Gwen and Raphina disappear while Batthwack starts to head down. At that moment he also sees four or five ibish start to make their way up the stairs, roughly pushing people out of their way. He takes out a hand mirror and reflects sunlight at Batthwack's face to get his attention. The dragonborn looks down and sees Will in his new suit, gesturing wildly. He's pointing and miming running to indicate that Batthwack should go back up. Batthwack shrugs and starts going back up. Will reluctantly looks back at the scrying mirrors and can now see they're displaying an image of fire, but he can't tell where this is occurring.

Gwen and Raphina appear 500 feet further up the staircase, beyond where Gorbis and Helen are. The screaming from the top of the dam is still audible, but now they can also hear the sound of roaring fire. They're still a way from the top, but craning their heads out the side they see that the top of the staircase is engulfed in flames. The two of them try to figure out what to do. Gwen is determined to carry on and tells Raphina that the fire doesn't bother her as much as it would the halfling. Raphina immediately thinks of the consequences of the fire on her fondant nose if she were to go up there. They suddenly hear heavy pounding footsteps on the stairs above them, but the source cannot be seen. Out of options, Gwen *Dimension Door*s them both to outside the Dam Top Inn.

Batthwack continues to jog up the stairs, wondering if it would be worth stopping for 10 minutes to *Find Steed*, but decides he should just carry on on foot.

Will picks his way carefully towards the Arbiter's body, looking for the prize key, but is unable to see it anywhere at first. Eventually he spots a small leather bag with a shattered wooden box poking out of it. Will grabs the bag and the box, *Prestidigitates* both and starts running towards the stairs, dodging the crowds coming the other way. He then casts *Dimension Door* and steps through, appearing just around the next corner from Batthwack, so that as the dragonborn comes into view, Will is just nonchalantly checking his finger nails. He says *"Hi! Oh my god. You look really sweaty. Is this hard?"*

Will tells Batthwack about the bunch of Sooty Gang members coming up the stairs and tells him about all the trouble they've been causing during the race. Batthwack wonders if they're after the key, which reminds Will of the box he nabbed, opening it up to discover the key inside! *"I won the race!"* yells Will triumphantly. Batthwack's not surprised, given how quickly Will was able to run up the stairs. They briefly consider trying to destroy the stairs to stop the ibish behind them, but in the end Will decides to *Dimension Door* the two of them as far up as he can.

Up at the top of the dam Gwen and Raphina emerge from their *Dimension Door* into a scene of total chaos. A huge pillar of flame is blazing away at the top of the stairs. There are wounded people on the ground, some are screaming and running away and a few are valiantly trying to put out the flames and tend to the wounded. Gwen approaches someone and asks what's been happening. They say *"I don't know, there were these creatures that came out of the lake! They were like... toad-people! They came out and ... were hurting people and they set fire and ran down the stairs!"* Gwen and Raphina are alarmed at this, having never heard of any kind of toad-people before. Gwen turns to look at the fire raging at the top of the stairs, wondering if her *Fire Resistance* will be enough to get her through. Deciding there's nothing else for it, she charges into the fire. Raphina casts *Thaumaturgy* to boom *"Wiiill!"*

Hearing Raphina's booming call, Will realises he has to abandon Batthwack and looks genuinely sorry at the dragonborn as he begins to cast *Fly*. In the heat of the moment though, Will realises slightly too late that he's lost focus on his *Polymorph* spell, and Pip, the ibish that he'd been keeping in a jar of lichen as a worm, suddenly grows to full size again, smashing the jar and ripping out of one of Will's pouches. *"What's happening?! Where are we?! Where was I?!"* screams Pip. Will doesn't hesitate in *Eldritch Blast*ing Pip three times, sending him stumbling back and he flips over the side of the stairs and tumbles down. Batthwack stairs in confusion as Will shouts *"Bye!"* and *Fly*s away. Batthwack begins trudging up the stairs on his own again.

Gwen runs into the blaze at the top of the landing, the flames burning her despite her resistance, but she continues resolutely, heading onto the first flight of stairs. At this point, she realises that the wooden stairs are actually feeling a little structurally unsound. She hurries onwards and down to the next flight of stairs, the flames licking all around her. She presses on and after one final blazing flight of stairs, she finds herself out of the flames. She continues to bolt down the stairs and before long she catches sight of two hulking figures stomping down the stairs a couple of flights ahead of her. She calls out to them *"Hey, where do you guys think you're going?"* and they stop and turn around to look up at her. These are slaads: huge, ugly, humanoid, toad-like creatures with algae-covered claws. One is dark grey and the other is dark red. They bare their sharp, needle-like teeth and screech menacingly. Gwen roars back ferociously and they both start to run towards her. A couple of flights below the slaads, Gwen spies Batthwack running up the stairs.

Will flies up over the fire, seeing everything with Gwen unfold, and spies Raphina on top of the dam near the blazing staircase. He takes a moment to look around for signs of what could have caused the blast, but finds nothing. He's also relieved to see no immediate threats, but it strikes him that this fire is too large and fierce to be an accident. He swoops down to speak to Raphina who asks what's going on. Everyone is accounted for except Sheemie. It also occurs to Will that Mo was out here on the lake. They fill each other in on everything that's been happening. They decide that everyone at the top of the dam is already being tended to, so they should go and deal with the slaads. Will picks Raphina up and they fly down the staircase, Will looking out for ibish all the while.

Sheemie is nowhere to be seen on the staircase. The ibish who had been running up the stairs are not yet here. Will puts Raphina down on the stairs behind Gwen. Raphina greets the scorched dragonborn *"How are you?"* and Gwen replies *"I'm mad and I want to tear these things apart."* Trying his best to get Gwen's blood boiling, Will calls out in a sing-song voice, *"Gwen you're a princess, go attack those toads! You're such a pretty pretty princess! I love you. You're the most adorable princess I've ever seen. You should be wearing a crown!"*

   The toad-creatures arrive and hiss angrily. The grey one charges and slashes at Gwen and tries to bite her. She takes a hit from the claws as the slaad makes a strange hissing gurgling sound. Will sees that Gwen is engaged with the grey slaad so fires his sparkly, microglitter *Eldritch Blasts* at the red one, hitting them squarely with all three. It turns to face Will and its wounds appear to magically close up somewhat as it appears to regenerate itself. Will swoops down to Batthwack's level to get out of view. The red slaad charges up the stairs to attack Gwen, clawing and biting her. Raphina decides not to heal anybody, instead casting *Call Lightning*, creating a cylindrical storm cloud in the sky above them. Lightning crackles down, striking the red slaad fully, and dealing the grey one a glancing blow.

Gwen was already mad at being called a princess, but being attacked by the slaads was too much, and she begins to *Rage*, causing her amethyst spikes to elongate and poke out even more. She launches at the red slaad biting it ferociously. Batthwack runs up the stairs, yelling at the creatures *"Why are you here?! What do you want?"* in draconic. The slaads turn and growl at him, but don't reply. He targets the stairs under their feet with his *Eldritch Blasts* and two lesser blasts of energy are followed by an enormous one, shooting out from his hand and disintegrating the steps below the slaad. They fall and crash to the stairs below, hitting the railing and tumbling further down. The fire at the top of the stairs has spread further down now.

The grey slaad gets to its feet and opens its mouth freakishly wide as it makes a gargling roar. A weird, bulbous tongue-like appendage comes out of its mouth and a bright streak flashes out from the tip of its tongue, though the hole in the stairs. With a roar, this bright point blossoms into an explosion of flame. The party duck out of the way as best they can to avoid the brunt of the explosion, but the stairs all around them are set ablaze. Will fires his three *Eldritch Blasts* at the weaker-looking red slaad which is prone on the stairs where it fell, hitting with the first two and killing it. He swoops down out of harms way, conscious that if the stairs become too weak he needs to be able to fly everyone to safety.

As the flames lick up around her, Raphina has to struggle to maintain concentration on her *Call Lightning* spell, which she zaps the grey slaad with, before running towards the hole, arms flailing, and cartwheels straight down through the hole in the stairs. She lands right on her bullfrog shoes, which cushions the fall, but a massive boom echoes out as they explode right off her feet. Her fondant nose is now also nowhere to be seen. Gwen immediately dives out of the flames and after the fallen grey slaad, flying over Raphina's head and landing next to it, before taking a bite out of it. Batthwack leaps over the railing to escape the fire, landing with a resounding thud in front of the slaad. He casts *Thunderous Smite* and swings his sword. As the blade strikes the slaad with a thunder crack, he casts *Divine Smite* and Batthwack's muscles bulge and ripple as he struggles with the creature, though he is oddly quiet and expressionless as he fights. The dragonborn strikes his opponent a second time, again casting *Divine Smite*, but the slaad is still standing.

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Abby, after Gwen tries to bite one of the slaads, she suggests that Gwen *"puts a little slaad dressing on it to make it taste better!"*
* This week's episode description describes the Pork Fried Dice wiki as: **freaky fresh**, a combination of freaky and fresh that has been used as a slogan by the American sandwich chain Jimmy John's.

## Recap

This episode featured Eric doing a recap, written by Alex, in the style of the computer in the Gumby movie!

## References

1. ↑ KT later talks about the Arbiter's fall, saying *"this particular death is a very traumatic thing for [Will] and his past."*
2. ↑ KT reminds us that Will's *Dimension Door* spell looks like wooden carvings of moments where he's metaphorically or actually opened doors in his life.
3. ↑ Gwen's *Breath Weapon* is also fire, which she used in the Very Virile Badger's den. See episode 237: "YoU'vE CoNviNcEd mE"
4. ↑ See https://dnd.wizards.com/dungeons-and-dragons/what-is-dnd/monsters/slaad
5. ↑ The grey slaad cast *Fireball*.