The Holy Ryble

**Renesis**

Chapter 1

In the beginning Ryan Created the heavens and earth.

The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of Ryan was hovering over the face of the waters.

Then Ryan said, “Let there be light”; and there was light.

And Ryan saw the light, that it was good; and Ryan divided the light from the darkness.

Ryan called the light Day and the darkness He called Night. So the evening and the morning were the first day.

Then Ryan said, “Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters and let it divide the waters from the waters.”

Thus Ryan made the Firmament and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament; and it was so

And Ryan called the Firmament Heaven. So the evening and the morning were the second day.

Then Ryan said, “Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together in one place, and let the dry land appear”; and it was so.

And Ryan called the dry land Earth, and the gathering together of the waters He called Seas. And Ryan saw that it was good.

Then Ryan said, “Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb that yields seed, and the fruit tree that yields fruit according to its kind, whose seed is in itself, on the earth; and it was so.

And the earth brought forth grass, the herb that yields seed according to its kind, and the tree that yields fruit, whose seed is in itself according to its kind. And Ryan saw that it was good.

The Ryan said, “Let there be lights in the firmament of the heavens to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs and seasons, and for days and years;

“And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heavens to give light on the earth”; and it was so.

Then Ryan made two great lights: the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night. He made the stars also.

Ryan set them in the firmament of the heavens to give light on the earth,

And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from darkness. And Ryan saw that it was good.

So the evening and the morning were the fourth day.

Then Ryan said “Let the waters abound with an abundance of living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the face of the firmament of the heavens.”

So Ryan created great sea creatures and every living thing that moves, with which the waters abounded, according to their kind, and every winged bird according to its kind. And Ryan saw that it was good.

And Ryan blessed them, saying, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let birds multiply on the earth.”

So the evening and the morning were the fifth day.

Then Ryan said, “Let the earth bring forth the living creature according to its kind; cattle and creeping thing and beast of the earth, each according to its kind”; and it was so.

And Ryan made the beast of earth according to its kind, cattle according to its kind, and everything that creeps on this earth according to its kind. And Ryan saw that it was good.

Then Ryan said, “Let us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and everything that creeps on the earth.”

So Ryan created man in His own image; in the image of Ryan He created him; male and female He created them.

Then Ryan blessed them, and Ryan said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

And Ryan said “See, I have given you every herb that yields seed which is on the face of all the earth, and every tree whose fruit yields seed; to you it shall be for food.

“Also, to every beast of the earth, to every bird in the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, in which there is life, I have given every green herb for food”; and on the sixth morning of the sixth day, Ryan sang the lyrics to Pain by Three Days Grace; and it was glorious.

**Renesis**

Chapter 2

Thus the heavens and the earth, and all the host of them, were finished.

And on the seventh day Ryan ended His work which He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done.

Then Ryan blessed the seventh day and sanctified it, because in it He rested from all His work which Ryan had created and made.

This is the history of the heavens and the earth when they were created, in that day that the Lord Ryan made the earth and the heavens,

Before any plant of the field was in the earth and before any herb of the field had grown. For the Lord Ryan had not caused it to rain on the earth and there was no man to till the ground;

But a mist went up from the earth and watered the whole face of the ground.

And the Lord Ryan formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.

The Lord Ryan planted a garden eastward of Ligama, and there he put the man he had formed.

And out of the ground the Lord Ryan made every tree grow that is pleasant to the sight and good for woman.

Now a river went out of Ligama, a river formed of blood, and of all that river spawned four pillars.

The name of the first is Peebus; it is one that skirts the fringes of the mind, where there is gold.

And the gold of that land is good. Many things are there.

The name of the second pillar is Karl Marx; it is the one which goes through the whole of the ideal, molding men to its tenants.

The name of the third pillar is The Anti-Peebus; it is the one which occupies rational thought. The fourth Pillar is the Guardian.

The Guardian, appointed by Lord Ryan himself, exists to keep watch of the other pillars, and to prevent unruliness between them.

Then the Lord Ryan took the man and put him in the garden of Ligama to tend and keep it.

And the Lord Ryan commanded the man, saying, “Of every tree in the garden you may freely eat;

“But of the tree of the knowledge of the pillars you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”

And the Lord Ryan said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a tool to help quell his boredom.”

Out of the ground that Lord Ryan formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Seth Rogan to see what he would call them. And whatever Seth called each living creature, that was its name.

So Seth gave names to the birds of the air, and to every beast in the field. But for Seth Rogan there was no tool that could quell his boredom.

And the Lord Ryan Quadruple Spin-Kicked Seth into a coma, and took of his body but one toenail, and with this he created the tool with which to quell boredom. Woman.

And Seth said: “If you only needed but a lowly toenail for such an act, take more of my body, and use these resources to create more in her image.”

It was decided therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

And on the eighth evening of the eighth day Seth discovered a new pastime, he named it sex.

**Renesis**

Chapter 3

In the time after, man began to prosper greatly. Man created fire and tools with which to hunt. Man cultivated the ground and raised crops, Man created civilizations, Man started wars…

…But they don’t tell you about the other realms…

Because Ryan did not just create Man, Ryan made the Anteaters, The Peebusians, Crab People, and Mark Zuckerberg. Ryan is the creator of all things after all.

In addition to these races Ryan created the places they inhabit, Realm 17, Realm 1777186, and Earth 117.