Richard Edwards

Pun on "Dick Head." An orange fox currently ~~seeing~~ engaged to Anne Winters and is presumably future ancestor (father?) of Tessa Edwards. Still very close to and protective of his friend Norman Gates, despite Anne's protests. Did not have a good relationship with his parents, his father presumably the Governor, presumably spying on everyone, and his mother being "pure fucking evil!"

Richard's two tops, shirt and sweater, are loosely based on the *Don't Be Happy... Just Worry* cover.

## Past life (BIG SPOILERS)

Richard was abused and neglected as a child, as his father was away regularly due to the army, and his mother had no interest in child care. He claims that when he was seven, he killed his mother after she came home drunk and tried to kill him when he tried to get away from her. More accurately, he defended himself and she, in a panic, fell down the stairs and broke her neck. He then developed a dark side from that incident that nauseates him and gives him nightmares in the current day.

After his mother's death, Richard didn't know what else to do other than play video games in his room. Eventually the grisly scene was discovered when the police did a Safe and Well check. They found Richard otherwise healthy, but he would not let anyone hurt him again. He had to be restrained in order to take him into custody, but as they did not know how to handle him, he was left in an interview room until they could reach any of his family.

Richard was finally examined at hospital, where they discovered evidence of his mother's abuse. When his case was turned over to a social worker, he cooperated fully, only to learn cops were liars. As the police legally could not keep him at the station, he was turned over to a hospital with a "treatment centre" and was told he could go home once they reached his father. He didn't believe them and didn't trust anyone.

Richard grew up along with Norman in foster care, and the other children's taunts caused him to grow into a delinquent, his lack of reaction made the examiners believe he was a psychopath. At first, Richard and Norman didn't like each other one bit; at best, they weren't scared of each other. They were put together for this reason, but that made Richard hate Norman even more. However, they grew familiar with and closer to each other because they had their abandonment in common. After a while, they started to trust each other.

The two befriended the Kingston twins, who allowed them to stay in the old Kingston gatehouse as an alternative to the foster centre, to the point when the foster centre finally stopped coming to get them, deciding it better to let them stay gone.

One day, Richard suddenly gained an interest in the opposite sex, and he proceeded to clean up his act and become a model citizen, even developing an interest in cooking and fixing up the gatehouse. This made him a "full blown Casanova" and silver-tongued devil overnight, although when he met Anne, his personality changed such that Anne had to make all the moves.

When Richard was 18, he moved in with Crystal and her then-girlfriend Red, although Red was initially dead set against it. Later, when Richard demonstrated that he was not a stereotypical male, Red started to fall for him, to Crystal's detriment. To try to keep Red interested, Crystal proposed a threesome, which Richard did not turn down. This had the unintended effect of making Red lose respect for Crystal and gain feelings for Richard, particularly on Wednesdays, when they would sneak behind Crystal's back.

Red waited for Richard to leave before she broke up with Crystal. However, Richard returned earlier than expected and, seeing Crystal in tears, turned on Red, who didn't help matters by escalating the fight before returning to live with her parents. Richard stayed to comfort Crystal, but she ended up comforting him instead. They promised to stay in touch, but they ended up losing contact when he dropped out of college.

## Current Day

At the start of S.S.D.D., Richard was a landlord for a set of dubious properties purchased in his name that de facto became his legally when the realtor contacted him by mistake. When he discovered the "gift," he dropped out of college to become a full-time landlord. After some time and significant negotiations, he sold the properties to his friend Jessie Kingston for 2.5 million pounds sterling.

## Tying the Knot?

In the middle of love-making, Anne drops a metaphorical bucket of cold water on Richard by commenting how they were still together and having sex on the regular, then wondering if it would be the same if they got married. Richard immediately goes limp. Anne nevertheless seriously asks him if he would marry her, and Richard responds (perhaps too quickly) that he would for her but the idea of being a stereotypical married couple gives him nightmares. Anne can't help obsessing over it, however, even talking about it to a vending machine operator before suddenly feeling ill. When she comes home early, Richard is concerned and offers to pick something up from the chemist for her. She asks him to get a pregnancy test.

Richard is increasingly nervous as Anne goes to apply the test. (Gates doesn't help matters by teasing him about both protection and about how much Anne shows off in her nightshirt.) He starts to have a crisis about needing to marry Anne for financial reasons more than any other, and how marriage would spell the end of his "free spirit" days, for better or for worse. The only certainty is if they have a baby, the other two need to go.

When Anne finally finishes with the test, she asks Richard, theoretically, what if it was positive and she was pregnant, to which Richard faints, curls up on the floor, and sucks his thumb. Anne leans down to see if he's alright, when he springs up and hugs her, proclaiming in baby talk how she's a clever girl. He admits that the timing could have been better, but he genuinely wants to be the father of her child. Anne then awkwardly admits that she's not pregnant after all.

Richard is mad that Anne lied, but says she didn't technically say that she was pregnant, she just wanted to see his reaction. Richard is miffed that she didn't trust him not to run, but Anne counters that she knew he wouldn't run but had doubts about a man who bid £200 on a 12-foot fibreglass shark on eBay "because it looked cool!" She apologises for deceiving him but suggests they do something "sick, perverted, and depraved" to make up for it.

## TREE!

When Kingston fails to give Richard three months of rent, he offers Richard a toke of his hookah while he (supposedly) goes to get the money. In the process, Richard gets stoned (but not enough to forget the money) and starts drawing a fox caricature obsessed with trees (possibly a self-portrait). At this point, Kingston takes back the hookah, but by then Richard is far gone and paranoid of Boohbahs.

Anne finally takes action when she catches Richard "flipping out in the cupboard" and asks Kingston what happened. Kingston admits to having put him in there and telling him the door is locked, amused that Richard is so far gone as to not remember there is no lock on the door. Anne considers this, intrigued by the idea that Richard will believe anything he is told, but Kingston points out that she must play to his paranoia, although he only did so to be able to smoke in peace. A short while later, Richard returns to Kingston and gives him the evil eye from behind the couch, saying that Anne told him everything, even "about the beans and hamsters you freak!"

Richard then takes to staring out the window, eventually shouting that "**IT MOVED!**" Kingston congratulates him but says to keep watching the garden gnome, as they're tricky. He finally goes back to bothering Anne as she works, hinting for sex in a non-verbal manner before Anne shoots him down as he is barely able to stand in his state, much less perform.

Later, when Richard has sobered up, Anne again shoots him down as she is working. He tries to convince her that an active sex life is healthy, and she retorts that he doesn't need her help for that.

## Milk

Richard notices Norman eating cereal with a strawberry milkshake and loudly comments that he hopes there's still milk for his tea. He then glares angrily into Norman's eyes, until Norman finally takes the hint that he needs to go buy more. Richard sarcastically praises the Lord that "It CAN learn!"

Richard lectures Norman about the house rules, which Norman is tempted to disregard until Richard points out that he can legally evict Norman, and since no one else will put up with him, that would make Norman de facto homeless. Norman hesitantly agrees.

After Norman returns from his adventures, Richard overhears a ringtone and tells Norman that his mobile is ringing. Norman asks how Richard knows it's his phone, and Richard points out that of the people in the house, only Norman would have "Uncle Fucker" for a ringtone. Norman takes the call and ends up heading out with Richard's father's golf clubs, informing Richard and Anne of the same. Anne asks if Richard is worried about that, but Richard replies that breaking his dad's stuff means not breaking his own stuff. Nevertheless, Richard feels worried about it when he and Anne try to make love.

Hours later, Richard groggily answers the door for Norman, snapping wide awake when he notices Norman has met someone "even more bat-shit insane" than he is.

## Kinks

Lisa has a free day when she and Richard can spend all the time they want together, and they begin it by tying up Richard's hands and teasing him. They take turns using the handcuffs, and during Richard's turn, he is "slow and snuggly" with her. She thanks him for playing along with the fantasy of having a fling with a complete stranger, and he points out that he might know her name but nothing meaningful about her. Just as he starts to get "frisky" with her, the buzzer buzzes incessantly, killing the mood.

Richard then gets up to mute the buzzer, feeling glad that they hadn't gotten started, since getting him out prematurely would take considerable effort. He looks at the security feed and sees an angry cat glaring into the camera, asking Lisa if that's a friend of hers. She admits that's her husband, which is when Richard decides to "make a few calls!" (to the police).

## Known Sexual Relations

Anne Winters

Dr. Ruby "Red" Scarlet

Crystal

Katie (among others)

Lisa (student)

Heather Kingston

a skunk

Lisa (Cook Industries)

* What does Christmas mean to you? Richard 2 3 4 5 6
* Trees drew inspiration from http://www.cowboybooks.com.au/html/acidtrip1.html