Skylandia - Zero to Heroes/Original Story

"So, what did you get from your pull, Pittou?" Pit asks. His question is short, but simple; your friends have been playing Fire Emblem Heroes since it released today, and Pit is asking Dark Pit which characters he received from the hero summoning mechanic. It's basically just a randomized lottery, same as every other god damn mobile game. You aren't going to download the game because you've spent enough money on mobile games in the past to regret most of your life decisions up to this point.
"Hmm? Oh, I got five star Roy and four star Tharja," Pittou answers. "I like her since she dresses in black like I do."
"And what about you, lady Palutena?" Pit questions.
She's glued to her phone. "It looks like I got five star Lucina, five star Robin, and seven star Marth in his limited golden pegasus gundam armor," she narrates one by one, "Are these good for a first try?"
Pit crosses his arms with a big frown. Pittou decides to return the question. "What about you, what did you get?"
"I spent thirty dollars and the best thing I got was a four star Wrys, the frickin' old priest guy," he answers with boiling indignity.
"Oh hey I think I got him too, though he has five stars for me," Palutena adds.
Pit throws his phone in anger. "I'm going to go pick up some pizzas for tonight. What toppings do you guys want?"
"Hawaiian style is great," you suggest, taking the initiative to be the first to propose an option and making sure it's your favorite.
Palutena shrivels up as if disgusted. "Ew, pineapples on a pizza?"
I guess she's just going to start this shit again. I feel sorry for you. Some people just don't understand. They just don't get it.
"Are you guys insane?" Pittou criticizes sharply, "Pizza isn't pizza without at least two or three meats on it!"
Pit shrugs and blows air of his mouth in amusement. "Don't be like that guys. You guys can take some time to make up your minds, and I'll call you when I'm at the pizza place."
He heads out the door with his coat and hat on. "Seriously. Try not to kill each other over the toppings. It's just pizza," he warns before leaving.
The mood calms down over time, and soon the residents of the home are back to playing their phone games. Palutena breaks a string of silence by asking a question. "Is Ike in this game yet?"
"Hmm. I'm not sure yet. I haven't seen any players with him," Pittou gives as testimony.
Palutena sighs. "Boy, I hope Ike won the special voting contest. I'd love to see him in a special reward outfit. He's so dreamy..."
Hold the fucking phone. "Huh? What?" you ask in startled surprise.
"What? I mean, just look at those arms."
You feel pretty personally attacked right now. "What's Ike got that I don't?" you protest.
"Well, I mean, he's saved the world once or twice," she reasons, "That's pretty nifty. Have you done anything heroic lately?"
You lower your head, knowing you have brought shame to your family name. You pull out your own phone and scroll through your contacts to make a quick connection to a friend.
Ike answers on the other side. "Hey dude, what's up?"
"Hey, Ike, I've got a favor to ask of you. Can you train me to be a hero?"
"Hmmmm..." he hums, taking a moment to consider the request. "Yeah, we can do that. It'll be fun! Meet me at the train yard on the other end of the forest in five minutes."
"Why a train yard?"
"You wanted me to train you, didn't you?"
Silence for a few moments until Ike cracks up into laughter on the other end of the phone. It has been a while since you last spoke with Ike, so you had almost forgotten that he's a notoriously bad punster. "Very funny. See you then," you reply, hanging up. Now all that's left to do is to meet with your friend. On your way out the door, you hear the pizza topping debate beginning to rekindle. Seems like you are leaving just in time.
It's a bit of a walk through the forest, but it- wait a minute, why is there a forest in Sky Land? And why does Sky Land have a train yard, does it even need trains?
Ike catches your attention from a short distance away. "Hey, nice to see you again, bro!"
"How's it going, Ike? I'm totally psyched for this."
He pats you on the shoulder. "Don't worry, you called the right dude for a collision course in hero training. Welcome to the train yard! I'll have you on fast track to becoming a hero in no time. Seriously, it'll be off the rails. So get your steam engines revving, cuz we about to leave the station fast." Before you even have time to groan at the puns, he pantomimes the action of a conductor pulling a train whistle. "CHOO CHOOOO!" he shouts before breaking out into a fit of chuckles. "Alright, enough games. Let's get down to business."
He walks around you in a circle, eyeing your physique. "Hmm. I think you'll need to start adhering to some basic strength training. But you can work on getting shredded in your own time. We're here for swordsmanship. Have you ever done an aether before?"
"No, I don't think so," you reply.
"Hmm. Well, have you ever dunked a basketball before?"
"Basketball is a sport, right?"
He eyes you with determined resolve. "Alright. I guess we're starting from the ground up. Here, take Lion-O's Sword of Omens, this can be your practice blade."
He tosses you a small dagger, which extends into a long sword once it touches your hands. The Eye of Thundera between the hilt and the blade winks at you.
For a little while, Ike has you doing basic training exercises. "You're getting the hang of it, but I'm noticing your lack of kiai shouts. You'd be surprised at how much of a difference a good shout can make when you are swinging a sword. C'mon, try it. Let's hear your best yell."
You inhale air into your lungs and prepare to shout, and as you open your mouth a deafening scream assaults the landscape, shaking the ground and sending birds scattering into the air. You see Metal Overlord carving a path through the woods to get to you, ripping trees off of their trunks indiscriminately. "YOU LEFT YOUR PHONE AT HOME, SO PIT REQUESTED I COME ASK YOU DIRECTLY. WOULD YOU LIKE THE NORMAL CRUST OR THE CHEESY CRUST?"
"Cheese, please," You answer politely. "Did Pit decide on the toppings yet? Are we getting Hawaiian?"
"LILO AND BOBBY BOTH SUPPORTED THE DECISION OF A HAWAIIAN STYLE PIZZA," he elaborates with a roar.
Nice. Those kids are going places in life. "So we're getting that one then?"
"THE CHOICE IS DOWN TO EITHER HAWAIIAN, OR MEDITERRANEAN."
"Pizza party, eh? Mind if I tag along?" Ike requests.
"Sure, it's the least I can do for you helping me train like this," you thank.
"Awesome! I guess we should go on and head over to Palutena's hut now. Maybe I can help get the dominoes falling on that topping decision. I'm liking the sound of supreme, myself."
"THAT IS CORRECT. I AM THE SUPREME OVERLORD OF ALL EXISTENCE."
You all walk back to the home, passing through the wide clearing Metal Overlord had made on his way through the first time. You reach the front porch of Palutena's house, but there seems to be an abnormal amount of noise coming from within. You open the door to enter, and thick fumes of smoke exude out and impair your vision. "What in the world is going on in there?" Ike questions with concern.
You see two bodies crawl out from under the smoke, and once the air clears, you see two small kids wearing army helmets much too big for their heads. "Mr. Metal Overlord, SIR! This is Lieutenant Commander General Lilo with Private Stitch, requesting backup, SIR!"
"WHAT IS THE SITUATION?"
"Dark Pit barricaded himself in the kitchen, and is throwing out gas grenades to try and smoke us out of the house!" Stitch explains with dutiful respect.
"And miss Lady Palutena and Bobby are locked in CQC having a knife fight over whether or not the pizza should have olives," Lilo adds.
"OLIVES????!!" Metal Overlord shrieks, sending out clusters of sharp crystal ballistics in all directions, shredding holes through the walls and roof. "NO OLIVES!!!!!"
You hear a car pull up outside, and Pit gets out. He shuffles around the vehicle to open the back doors and pick up several boxes of pizzas he had ordered. "Alright guys, great news. You don't have to fight. I bought more than-"
He turns to see the condition of the home. He's speechless.
"Hooray!!" Lilo cries, running up to Pit and jumping to take the pizza boxes out of his hands. Though the stack is so big it obscures her vision, she runs back into the house. "The pizza is here guys!!" she announces, and you hear very pleased responses from the others as they stop what they are doing and start eating.
Pit hangs his arm over the roof of his car and leans his head into it. "I leave them alone for twenty minutes. Twenty minutes!"
Ike pats him on the shoulder. "Next time, just order delivery."

## Mood

* **Listening to:** Pizza Kids - We Like Pizza (Radio Version)