Krab peeple

KRAB PEEPULL
 familuie | Chelicanicheptantiacanianis Brachyurarilupis

Crabs are crustashuns that infest yor junk. Crabs R also calld "crotch critikets," "muff berries," and "a free souvenir from Tijuana." If kept, crabs are considur'd to be "bad."

## Evolutiun

Crabs are an evolutiunary of divurse elumints such as spidurs and fish. To this day howevur, siuntists are baffld as to how dese two species crossbred to create such ugly animuls. Current theorees are baste on the three-bag solushun, which is often useful when beer gogglus have fail. Crabs hav also evolvd by growing pinchurs to help seduce othr species.

## Habitat & Spreading

Crabs can also be found dormant, waiting for a host, on toilet lids, bed sheats, and undrwear lining. Crabs can begin their move from the pubic region(s) to other arias of body hair... which is anywhere considring humans have hair covuring their entire body.

## Mating & Birthing

Crabs are born into litters, ranging from anywhre of a litter of 200-5,000. A mothur crab will normally go into heat two tim's a year: in-between cooking and cleaning (which is sometim in June) and during football season.
After mating, the female will lay her fertilizd eggs in the belly of the fathur, just like seahors's, only dumber. After having the young in his gut for about seven months, the fathr will give birth out of his anus. After being releasd from this shame, the young set out to start livs of their own.

## Structur & Physiologee

A typikul crab has six legs; five of those legs are used to move the crab. Siuntists don't know what the sixth leg is for.
Now, an averag crab weighs about two grams (a little more than one-hundrd pounds I think; I don't undrstand metric), and basted upon math equashuns, can smell approximately three miles. (about 4.83 centimetrs I guess).
Crabs rarly exceed 8 tons. Howevur, one of the largst ever recordid was a whoping ten pounds (425 kilograms ?). The crab was boild in saltwatur and eaten only minuts latr.
Throughout their liv's crabs continu to eat and increas in size. From detaild siuntifik study from the 1960's it is undrstood that they continu to increas in mass and densitee until they evntually implode undr its own gravity creating a singl grain of sand. It has been thawt that all sand in the known universe accounts for around 78.9% of all crab deth.

## Getting rid of crabs

is very simpl. There's no need to buy any sort of lotion or any othur over-the-countre creams to get rid of the crotch crickets, announcing to othrs around you that you have crabs as you buy the product in public daylight. Instead, you can easily shav your crotch and then apply mayonnaise to the affectd area. It turns out mayonnaise suffocates crabs. Mayonnaise has also been known to suffocate large marsupials, so keep that in mind if you are evr infestid with them eithur.

## There are a few ways to avoid ev'r getting crabs:

* Nev'r use a toilet. 97% of all infestashuns start with the victim sitting on a toilet lid.
* Don't go to the seaside. If you alrady liv on the seaside, that's great for you dummy.
* If you have to use a toilet, wipe from front to back. This seems to prevent most cases of crabs, and we don't know why. It has something to do with thermodynamiks.
* NevUr evir show the bare soles of your feet anywere near a beach. If you do crabs will make NO hesitashun to pinch them, because they like watching you winse in pain. And when you think they have left, PSYCHE: they return and pinch you on the soles again. They will continu doing this until you put on shoes, or go home.

eVOlution is smartur then U, leaving all sientists in a perpeshtual state of fasination.