Mouse36: Journal Entry 1

## preface

i don't even know how to describe this concept that i am experiencing right now. it is not a worldly subject that can easily be described in words. i haven't seen anyone discover anything like it before. but despite the loads of information that the world uses to prevent me from discovering what it is, i will find out.

### detailed description of the phenomenon

imagine yourself, going through the events of a day. taking in feedback from the situations around you, and responding to them. like a regular person. immersed in the experience of reality. you hit your ankle on a hard object, and you retract it in pain. you eat a cookie, and you keep eating more because it is yummy. the information around you feeds into you as an input, and you take this input and turn it into an output.

you're listening to some music, and suddenly you feel something strange. this strange feeling is a feeling from your mind, not necessarily your body or even your brain. you don't see anything physically out of the ordinary. you can still make decisions and think about things. everything is normal. but there's something wrong. but you just can't pinpoint what it is.

a scene begins to form inside your mind. a scene that you have never seen before, but you somehow feel like it has always been there. this scene is of the back of your mind, of the dusty corner behind the door that has never been opened, yet has always been there.

this concept is hard to understand, so let's use a visual representation of it. let's say that "you" are made up of three parts: your body, your mind, and... something else. your body is the physical thing that goes about and picks things up and does actions and makes things happen. your mind is what comprehends the information that you receive, processes it, makes a decision, and tells your body what to do. your body sees through its eyes, and it sees the physical world around it – the desks, the chairs, the grass outside. but your mind – this is the crucial part - your mind sees through a different set of eyes. your mind can perceive things that your body can't. when your body is looking at physical objects through its eyes, at the same time your mind can be looking at things that your body can't. this is because your mind is designed to perceive abstract concepts, whereas your body is designed to perceive concrete objects. your mind thinks, your body does.

so now that we've cleared up the fact that the body's perception (sight) is completely separate from your mind's perception (thought), let's describe the room around you. i'm talking about a symbolic room to help you visualise the concept here, not a physical room. let's say there is a brightly illuminated hallway with lots of objects in it, and doors alongside the hallway. on one of these doors, you can see a bright red sign that says "do not enter". behind this door is a dark dusty room that no one has ever visited, and no one knows what is behind there. so there are two objects, the hallway and the door.

now back to the strange scene. your body and mind are both in the hallway. suddenly, while your body is listening to music, your mind suddenly floats away from your body, goes *through* the forbidden door, and into the dark room. your body is still in the hallway, but your mind is now in the room behind the door.

your mind peers into the darkness and can just barely see the silhouette of a jail cell. your mind steps deeper into the darkness, and it starts to hear some strange clicking sounds coming from the jail cell. your mind creeps a little closer, and finally, it can see that behind the jail cell is a mysterious figure, typing away at a keyboard, locked up behind the jail cell.

recall that "you" are made up of three things: your body, your mind, and... something else. we will refer to this "something else" as "the third factor". the third factor is the same thing as the figure inside the jail cell.

so now we have three characters: your body, which is in the hallway, the third factor, which is in the jail cell, and your mind, which is inside the room behind the door, observing the third factor inside the jail cell.

there is a window on the door, and your mind can see through the window. surprisingly, when the third factor presses a key on the keyboard, your body moves a little bit. your mind is intrigued. the third factor presses another key, and your body moves around. so it appears that this third factor is what is controlling your body.

suddenly your mind realises something. it realises that it has never thought about how it makes decisions, it just makes them. it has always just made so much sense that your mind takes in some information from your surroundings, makes a choice (*somehow*), and tells your body to do something. but thinking about how exactly this choice is made makes it so much more confusing.

let's summarise this. basically the idea is: your body and your mind are working together to take information from your surroundings and make choices and make things happen. suddenly, your mind enters the room and sees a figure locked up behind a jail cell, making choices for your body.

the jail cell has a lock on the front. if you put the key in the lock, you can open the jail cell and release the third factor. but the problem is – i don't have the key. i can't release the third factor, it remains trapped behind an infuriatingly immovable jail. i feel distant and disconnected – for all my life i have known that *I* have been the one making the decisions for *myself*, *I* have been working together with *my mind* to get what i want done, but is that really what's happening?

i'm sorry for the unclear wording, i just can't seem to pinpoint what exactly is making me uncomfortable here, and that's the thing. i can't pinpoint the issue – i know there is an issue, i can *FEEL* it, it's very clear and disturbing and i know it's there, i can almost grasp it, but i just can't figure out what the issue is. my mind can see the figure typing on the keyboard, it clearly knows it's there, but it can't find a way to unlock the jail and ask who it is.

many people go through their entire life making decisions blindly, doing whatever everyone else tells them to do, and doing whatever they feel like doing. but i feel unsatisfied with going through an entire life and just making decisions blindly. i feel like i have no control over my decisions. and if i try to forget that thought and move on with the rest of my life, i somehow always get drawn back to that dark figure, typing the keys behind the jail cell, that jail cell that is just waiting to be opened, taunting me from behind the bars, snickering at the fact that i don't have the key yet.

to put it in literal terms, i have a strong, unnerving intuitive feeling that i need to figure out the third factor behind what decisions i make. if i can't find out how to control that entity behind the bars, i can't take control of my decisions, and my life is rendered meaningless. i'm sorry if you can't understand what i'm saying. but i know i have this intuitive feeling i need to follow. it's not that my point is invalid, it's that i just don't know how to word it yet – it's that i just haven't found the key. i know there is *SOMETHING* i want to get done, i just don't know what that *something* is. see, i've always been telling people that "i need to find out how decisions work before i make any decisions" but that wording just doesn't accurately describe what is happening here. it's something else, it's a third factor.

one thing tying this whole thing together is that it's deeply unnerving and creepy. that's why the door has the message "do not enter" on the front – the people in the hallway posted that message because they opened the door and they were terrified of what they saw. they abhorred the idea of a creepy figure typing messages out for them to execute – they wanted control of their own decisions. but what i'm trying to say is... in order to have control of your own decisions, you need to bypass your fear, and run into the dark room, and confront the creepy figure. you won't get anything that you want if you don't overcome a challenge.

once again, an important thing about this is that it's creepy. it's the reason why no one has answered this question yet. no one has bothered to look for the key because they are afraid of what the figure would do to them if they opened the lock. one person i know has thought about this issue but has dismissed it and decided to continue living a normal life, oblivious to the figure typing letters behind them, just because it's too creepy for them to confront it. one person i know has thought about this issue but decided it wasn't worthwhile to find the key because it just took too much effort, and they would rather just live a normal life anyway. and these are all people i care about and i know very well. they are the first people i would go to to ask the answer to this question, but even they don't know the answer. which means i have to find the answer on my own. i don't know why, but i'm determined not to end up like one of those people. i'm going to find the key and open the cell and confront my fear. but HOW?

### my current situation and the events leading up to the encounter

(this section is unfinished)

(lots of years ago – galaxy feeling thing – like you are fake)

(mom's spiritual awakening, and how it may have suppressed the truth)

(depression event symbolised by the grey nametag – i want to find the third factor and i know it is there. but once again everyone around me, even mom, suppressed it and tells me it is a waste of time. but i must find it. the ancestry is waiting.)

(the rophitinus anthem and the minecraft analysis video)

## the realisation that world is backwards

it has been backwards the whole time and i never noticed it.

(this section is unfinished)