Eyeless Jack

Yo muthafucka, hoes call me Mitch. I’m here ta rap  muthafuckas bout a experience I had. I don’t know if dat shiznit was paranormal or whatever wack lyrics playas use ta describe supernatural phenomena yo, but afta dat thang hit up me, I believe up in dat paranormal trash, now, nahmeean?

A week afta I moved up in wit mah brother, Edwin, afta mah doggy den was foreclosed, I finished unpacking. Edwin was horny bout tha scam of me movin in, since our crazy asses had not peeped each other afta 10 years, so I was excited, like a muthafucka. I soon fell tha fuck asleep afta I moved in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. Afta dat 1 week, I heard rustlin noises comin from outside at bout one up in tha morning.. n' you KNOWS dat shiznit was a raccoon, so I ignored n' tried ta fall asleep. Da next morning, I holla'd at Edwin bout it, n' he agreed.

Da next night, however, I thought I heard mah window openin n' a funky-ass bangin thump, as if suttin' entered mah room. I darted up n' looked round mah room yo, but I saw nothing. Da next morning, Edwin dropped his wild lil' fruity-ass malt liquor cup when da perved-out muthafucka saw mah dirty ass yo. Dude held up a nearby mirror n' I saw mah dirty ass. I had a big-ass gash up in mah left cheek.

Afta I was rushed ta tha hospitizzle, mah doctor holla'd at mah crazy ass dat I must done been chillwalkin yo, but then da perved-out muthafucka flossed mah crazy ass suttin' dat made mah blood turn cold. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude lifted up mah hoodie ta reveal a sewn up incision where mah kidneys were, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. I started up in his wild lil' fuckin eyes, mah eyes widening. "Yo ass somehow lost yo' left kidney last night. Us dudes don’t know how, though cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sorry, Mitch." mah doctor holla'd at mah dirty ass.

Da next night was mah breakin point fo' realz. Around midnight, I raised up ta peep a truly horrifyin sight. I was starin grill ta grill wit a cold-ass lil creature wit a funky-ass black hoodie n' dark blue mask wit no nozzle or grill starin down all up in mah face. Da thang dat scared mah crazy ass da most thugged-out was dat it had no eyes. Just empty, black sockets, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Da creature also had some black substizzle drippin from it’s sockets, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. I grabbed tha camera nearby on a mantel n' took a picture fo' realz. Afta tha picture took, tha creature lunged all up in mah grill n' tried ta claw open mah chest ta git ta mah lungs. I stopped it by kickin it up in tha grill fo' realz. As I ran outta mah room, I grabbed mah wallet. I would need tha scrilla. I ran outta mah brother’s doggy den tha fuck into tha night. I eventually ended up in tha woodz near Edwin’s doggy den n' tripped on a rock.

I fell tha fuck unconscious n' raised up in tha hospitizzle. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. My fuckin doctor entered tha room. Da same one whoz ass treated mah crazy ass before. "I have phat shizzle n' wack hype, Mitch." mah doctor started. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. "Da phat shizzle is dat you had minor fuck-ups, n' yo' muthafathas is goin ta pick you up." I sighed wit relief. "Da wack shizzle is dat yo' brutha has been capped by some… thang. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sorry."

My fuckin muthafathas took me back ta Edwin’s doggy den ta collect mah remainin belongings, which I done did. Upon enterin mah room, I was scared yo, but remained calm. I grabbed mah camera then stopped dead up in mah tracks. In tha hallway leadin ta mah room, I saw Edwin’s body n' suttin' lil' small-ass lyin next ta dat shit. I picked up tha lil' small-ass thang n' entered mah parent’s car, not mentionin Edwin’s corpse. I looked all up in tha thang I had picked up n' nearly vomited. I was holdin mah jacked half-eaten kidney, wit some black substizzle on dat shit.