RQG 81 - Breakfast With Desert

## Summary

Oscar Wilde gives the LOLOMG their next assignment. The gang have to go and visit a professor out of office hours, which goes just as well in this fantasy land as it does in real life.

## Synopsis

The party are all able to go rest - they are explicitly forbidden from leaving the grounds, not by Wilde, but by the Cult of Mars. Sasha attempts to climb out a window, but upon seeing how high up they are, decides against it. Grizzop raids the kitchen and brings all the food back to his room. Hamid sleeps. All of them sleep okay.

   Sasha wakes up and her wounds have opened up a little bit (she only takes 1 damage from it). It’s not the worse she’s been, but it’s still a little sore. Oscar Wilde shows up looking fresh as a daisy, but Sasha can tell that he hasn’t slept at all and has been up all night handling things. Hamid has changed, wearing navy and dark green instead of his normal green and purple. Grizzop looks a lot more cheerful this morning than the other two. He has two chicken legs in each hand and is eating them happily.

All three of them are in the canteen with other students eating food, and Wilde is drinking a coffee. Wilde again talks about Grizzop as though he isn’t there, and Grizzop basically tells him that he needs to start treating him like a paladin of Artemis. Wilde doesn’t listen to him, still being incredibly condescending toward Grizzop. However, he does pull out a sack of platinum and hands it to the party - it’s worth about 6,500 gold. They’ll divide it up three ways, between Sasha, Grizzop and Hamid.
Sasha asks if they owe any to Brutor, and Hamid says no. Wilde asks why they would own something to the dog, and Hamid explains that Bertie’s will left everything to Brutor. Wilde says he dodged a bullet.

They head back to Wilde’s rooms to debrief. Grizzop says he needs to make a report to the temple of Artemis, but Wilde says that the cult isn’t going to let them leave anytime soon.

Sasha says that every time she’s out of sight of the three of them, the Cult of Mars looks at her super threateningly. Wilde tells her that all the Cult of Mars can all detect her anyway because they have detect undead, and Hamid asks if there’s a way to fix it. Wilde doesn’t have any idea. Grizzop has some memories of one of the Artemisian paladins dying and being brought back, but he can’t exactly remember how.

Sasha asks if there’s a healing department here at the university that can help her figure it out, but Hamid explains that the arcane magic being studied at the university won’t be as healing-oriented as celestial magic. The temple of Aphrodite and the temple of Apollo would probably be the most helpful.

Wilde starts doing work at his table, and Hamid asks why they need to go and find Newton’s rooms when they were supposed to be looking for Tesla. Wilde explains that Kafka and Tesla were working on something that Edison started sniffing around, and after Edison departed, the work continued with the help of Liliana, in Newton’s office. The party decide to go and explore Newton’s study, and Wilde says that the only person who’s returned has been Einstein, and they can’t very well ask him. They set off toward Newton’s, and Wilde leads them back toward the office area. He pulls out a brief, explaining that Newton is known as a master of planar works, who - as the story goes - walked into his study 200 years ago and never came out. A team of researchers went in there roughly 40 years ago, but the only one who made it out was Einstein and he’s gone a bit funny.

On the way, the party stops to buy some supplies - food, potions, and the like. They make it to Newton’s room, and they can see through the frosted glass window to see a mundane study on the other side. Wilde says that his priority is finding out what research is being done in the study, and then he’s condescending to Grizzop again, talking about him as though he isn’t there. Sasha mentions how much Wilde must hate himself, pointing out his frozen smile, and Hamid calls after Wilde for him to get some sleep as he leaves.

Before they go in the study, Sasha turns to Hamid and says that if she throws him to safety again, he needs to listen to her and not try talking. Hamid apologizes, and says he’ll try to be more sensible in future, but that he isn’t that fast and didn’t realize how murderous the Cult of Mars would be toward her.

Grizzop opens the door to Newton’s study, and they see a mundane, small office. At the very far end of the room - maybe 10 feet across - is a large desk, mahogany, with a few paperweights and a snowglobe on the desk. It looks like a normal snowglobe. Hamid says that they should be careful - Newton was a master of teleportation, so anything here could take them somewhere else. At the side, there’s a door left ajar that looks like it could lead to some kind of bedroom. They decide to search the study first before checking out the room. Hamid casts *detect magic* on the study and wakes up on the floor, head pounding. It’s not a malignant school of magic, like necromancy, but that’s all he got. Hamid steps outside the room and pulls the food out of his bag of holding, and moves them to a normal bag - you can’t open a bag of holding in a pocket plane - and then steps into the room as they all begin to search.

Things start to get very weird very quickly. The farther they get away from the door, the larger the distance between themselves and everything else in the room becomes. They take a step, and it’s like they’ve halved their height. The room gets bigger with every step they take; in order to not lose each other, they need to step together in the same direction at the same speed. Walking toward the desk, their perceptions keep warping. The room is slowly expanding as they walk, and they shift from medium to small to tiny, and the room becomes a cavern as they walk. The edges of the room start disappearing in the distance, and they find themselves on a flat, barren plane of floorboard.

Grizzop suggests that they walk back so that they can mark their way. Their perspectives seem to normalize - as in, they aren’t getting smaller, and the room isn’t getting bigger. They walk until they run out of chalk - and then keep going. They spend the entire morning walking across the plane, but they realize it’s going to take them about two or three days of travel by the time they hit lunch. Grizzop asks how much longer they want to spend on this, and Hamid says that they’ll be under watch by the cult at the university for the next few days regardless. None of them really have many ideas about what to do; Hamid suggests that Grizzop fire an arrow to see what it would do. As he looses the arrow, it seems normal, but then it swells and shrinks and lands a normal distance away. Hamid thinks that the effect will end once they get to the end of the room.

Hamid and Sasha look up ahead, and they see a strange shifting sort of air, almost like a heat haze. If they stay at the same scale, Hamid figures it would be a couple of hours walk away. They head forward, eating some of the food from Hamid’s pack.

They make good progress. It seems like in another day, they should be at the desk. They get closer to the shimmering air, and it seems like a localized effect. It looks like it’s coming from a specific point in the landscape, and gets bigger the closer they get. It seems like its coming out from the cracks in front of them in the floorboards, expanding out, and then dissipating. There’s still a strange wibbly-wobbly effect of it. As they get closer, Sasha and Grizzop can smell something in the air - it smells like gas from an unlit lamp. Grizzop thinks that a pipe has burst. In real scale terms, it’s a tiny leak, even though to their eyes, it seems like a huge pocket of gas. Sasha asks if there’s a way to use the gas, like making a hot air balloon to be carried up above it. Hamid doesn’t know how they’ll be able to breathe with the gas all around them, and Grizzop has a tent but there’s no easy way to create the lift they’ll need. Grizzop thinks they should be able to create a pocket to be able to breathe; Hamid is less sure about that, but thinks that maybe they would be able to run through it and hold their breath and be alright. Sasha knows that if there’s the slightest spark when they run, it’ll be a complete explosion. Grizzop asks if they burn the room down if it’ll break the enchantment. Hamid doesn’t think that will help; it’ll just be dangerous for them, so they’ll have to be far away in order to avoid the explosion, and then they can shoot the arrow.

They back up as far as possible, and Hamid lights the tip of the arrow and Grizzop gets ready to shoot. He shoots, and a massive plume of an explosion shoots into the air. Instead of a wall of gas, it’s more a wall of fire - Sasha decides to leap over it, and Grizzop and Hamid walk around.

As Grizzop and Hamid walk around, Grizzop asks Hamid how he’s doing. Hamid says he still feels a little off, and that he still has to get back to his family and explain what happened. Grizzop comforts him a bit and pats him on the back, and then they meet up with Sasha.

Sasha, in the meantime, is juggling knives as she waits for them to meet up with her. Hamid asks Grizzop if he has any chalk left to leave a note with an arrow showing which way they went. Grizzop’s out of chalk, but he does have a crayon, so he marks each floorboard they go across with the direction they go.

They keep walking - it feels like it’s been about a day, but the sun that they can see in the window is a fixed point outside. No time has actually passed in the real world. Grizzop asks if time is passing for them, and Hamid says that he feels hungry, so he assumes that it is. Grizzop doesn’t like that; he’s aging but time isn’t actually moving, so they’re going to live fewer days. Hamid and Sasha don’t really care, but Grizzop tries to get them all to move quicker. There’s no way for any of them to tell the time, regardless. Hamid wonders how long Liliana has actually been here.

## Quotes

**Alex**: "And the nightmare that is my campaign continues."
**Lydia**: "It would be a nightmare except you don’t let us sleep, so it’s just a grinding, half awake, exhaustion…"
**Ben**: "It’s a horrifying waking dream."
**Lydia**: "You’re making us live through your night job."
**Alex**: "Look, I’m better for it and you will be too."
―Alex is a cruel GM.

**Ben**: "Why would you try and disrupt the one thing? The one thing! Can’t even give us that."
**Lydia**: "Do I need to give another one for whether I erupt in horrible zombie sores?"
**Alex**: "You know what? I’d complain at you jumping the gun but actually I’m a little bit proud of you at seeing the pattern here. Eventually you’re going to be the only party with 40 saves at the start of the day before you even get going."
―The party has to do will saves upon waking up every morning.

**Alex**: "Eventually a fresh as a daisy looking Oscar Wilde rocks up and comes knocking at your doors."
**Lydia**: "I know he’s knackered and he’s just prestidigitating. We all know that."
**Alex**: "Bang on! There’s not a chance this guy went to sleep, he has been awake all night and you are very experienced in people who are pretending not to live a double life. He looks fresh as a daisy, but there’s also makeup under those eyes."
―Wilde is hiding the fact that he's struggling to sleep.

**Bryn**: "Hamid finally looks put together properly, but his colouring is a lot more sombre than it normally is?"
**Alex**: "Lots of blacks and greys."
**Bryn**: "Navys and very dark greens. He doesn't wear monochrome. There's still colour, just a lot more sombre."
**Lydia**: "He looks like a sad swamp."
―Hamid is in mourning, after the loss of his sister, Aziza.

**Ben**: "So Grizzop is looking a lot more cheerful, and is still wearing his breastplate and leather duster—"
**Alex**: "Hm, very in at the moment."
**Ben**: "But they are shined and they are darned and they are patched. And he has two chicken legs in each hand, and he is happily chowing down on one."
**Lydia**: "Cool, so the judges will be looking for uniqueness."
**Ben**: "Okay, so this is why I want to be Miss Prague, I want to save—"
―Grizzop is enjoying breakfast.

**Grizzop**: "Do you want a sausage?"
**Wilde**: "I’m actually…oh, I can never turn it down."
**Sasha**: "Oh my gosh."
**Wilde**: "I told you, I like this one, he’s alright."
**Grizzop**: "Would you please stop talking about me like not here?"
**Wilde**: "But you are here, you’re adorable."
**Hamid**: "You will quickly find that the worst part about working with Oscar Wilde is just how annoying he is."
**Grizzop**: "Look, mate. Don’t muck me around. Don’t talk to me like a child. And don’t you dare treat me like anything other than a paladin of Artemis. Are we clear?"
**Wilde**: "I’m pretty certain this is how I treat all the paladins of Artemis."
**Sasha**: "The best part of working with Oscar Wilde is.."
**Hamid**: "He’s not there very much."
**Sasha**: "And he makes all of the violence, loss, and trauma actually seem pretty mild in comparison."
**Grizzop to Wilde**: "I like these ones, they’re funny."
―Wilde annoys the party.

"You know, it would have been really useful having someone that could, you know, *create water*, coming around with us right now."
―**Sasha**

"It’s fine. It’s fine, we’ve just forgotten all the people we lost, like that, that’s fine. Let’s just keep going."
―**Sasha**

**Wilde**: "It’s been a pleasure, Grizzop."
**Grizzop**: "See you, wouldn’t wanna be ya."
**Wilde**: "Oh, he’s so sassy."
**Sasha**: "No, I think, I think you’re right. I think he really hates being himself. Look at him. Look at him go, that frozen smile."
**Alex**: "You know what? Yeah. He does have a certain frozen smile quality and he sort of jaunts off down the corridor and down the stairs, leaving you alone."
**Hamid**: "Get some sleep, Oscar!"
**Wilde**: "Knew you cared."
―The party decides to go after Liliana and investigate Newton's office.

**Sasha**: "Before we go in. Hamid, if I grab you and throw you to safety again…please don’t stop and try to do diplomacy on people. Like, with your speaking—just stay safe, right? We keep losing people and I just, if I throw you to safety, run! Run, Hamid, run! That is, when I shout run, it’s a thing you do, you run. That’s what you should do. You should run."
**Hamid**: "I’m sorry, Sasha. I think…you do have a good point. The thing is, I’m actually not very fast, and I worry that running away from things isn’t going to be very effective most of the time. And I do think in that specific situation those people could have been reasoned with. I mean, I know they’re not the most reasonable people…"
**Sasha**: "Their priority seems to be executing me."
**Hamid**: "I agree, and if I had realized that ahead of time I would have been much more keen on the running plan. I will try to be more sensible in future. Thank you for the feedback."
―Sasha lectures Hamid for not running from the Cult of Mars.

**Hamid**: "I think we should be further than this."
**Grizzop**: "I can fire this arrow quite far, 110 feet I think, give or take no feet."
―The party begin their trek across the floor of Newton's office.

**Grizzop**: "Wait, hang on a minute, is this actually taking time off my life? Is our time working?"
**Hamid**: "I mean, I feel hungry, so…yes."
**Grizzop**: "Oh nooo! What?! No, I can’t have that. I’m aging! This is awful!"
**Sasha**: "What, are you immortal?"
**Grizzop**: "No! I’m just aging, like, we’re not doing anything. This isn’t actually, like, there’s no time passing, that means that it’s removing time from our lives! We’re gonna live fewer days in, like, the normal time!"
**Sasha**: "Mate, none of my life is normal time."
**Hamid**: "I mean, probably, but not that many fewer."
**Grizzop**: "Enough! There’s enough! No, this is terrible!"
―Grizzop panics about the concept of having less time in his life.

**Hamid**: "It just might be a couple of days at most."
**Grizzop**: "Yeah, but…no…oh, alright, let’s go. Let’s make it quick."
**Sasha**: "Do you have something to get back to?"
**Grizzop**: "Generally, life’s work, paladin of Artemis."
**Sasha**: "We are working!"
**Grizzop**: "I don’t have that…yeah, let’s go, let’s go, let’s work quick."
―Grizzop wants to be done with Newton's office quickly.

## Dice rolls and Mechanics

Everyone makes will saves to sleep well: Hamid rolls 13, Sasha rolls a 15, Grizzop rolls a 10.

Sasha makes a fort save upon waking up: 14.

Sasha rolls a sense motive: 25.

Sasha makes an appraise check: 10.

Grizzop makes a knowledge religion check: 13.

Sasha makes a perception check on the snowglobe: 26.

Sasha makes a perception check on the books on the desk: 25.

Everyone makes perception checks to search: Hamid gets 15, Sasha gets 28, Grizzop gets 18.

Everyone makes a fort save: Sasha and Grizzop roll 15, Hamid rolls 11.

Hamid and Sasha make perception checks: Hamid gets a nat 20, Sasha gets 16.

Everyone makes perception checks on the strange haze: Hamid gets 16, Sasha gets 21, Grizzop gets 22.

Everyone makes a wisdom check: Hamid gets 8, Sasha gets 15, Grizzop gets 1.

Sasha makes an acrobatics check to jump over the fire: 20.