Hang On, Collider

***Hang On, Collider*** is the ninetieth episode of *Off Book: The Improvised Musical,* featuring guest Taylor Ortega. The musical follows scientist Carol as she flips a switch that could either lead to a huge discovery or create a black hole. Along the way, she meets skinny dipping janitors and frog-kissing biologists, and may even find love.

## Episode Description

Actor, comedian and writer Taylor Ortega (Kim Possible) joins Jess and Zach for a scientific musically packed with black holes, quarks, Swedish scientists flipping switches, and more! With songs like “Do It For Science”, “Win Win” and “Ride or Die”, listening to this new ep on repeat will definitely be on your tiny bucket list!

## Plot

Three scientists working at the Hadron Collider are passionate about their jobs and enthuse about it (Do It for Science). After tireless research, Carol prepares to flip the switch that will cause an uncertain reaction, in the best and likely case will discover a new particle, but warns that it has a chance of creating a black hole that would destroy the planet. As talks to her co-workers, she realizes that Christina has been actively working towards making black hole and Clarence is honestly more excited to see a black hole in action. The two try to persuade Carol that whether she discovers a new particle or creates a black hole through a reaction, either option would be a good result. Carol is adamant that a black hole is the worst case scenario and tries to warn them about the devastation it would cause. Feeling betrayed by their stubbornness, Carol takes some time to think before she makes the decision to flip the switch ("Win Win").

In the air, some buzzing little quarks boast about being quarks and how they are everywhere. ("When You Break It Down, You Get A Quark"). Meanwhile, the cleaning crew of the Hadron Collider muse about the types of scientists they would be and the questions they would ask if they were not janitors ("You Gotta Ask Why"). Later, Carol approaches the janitors to ask for some chocolate from the chocolate cuckoo clock one of them had built. They compliment each other on their skillsets and jobs, and Carol encourages them by saying they have the potential to become scientists themselves. The janitors take this a step too far and end up asking Carol to tutor them in science ("We Could Never Do What You Do"). In an exchange where the janitors take jabs at her, Carol becomes frustrated with how nobody seems to understand her.

A biologist named Lisa from across the street comes up to Carol to return her bag and the two bond over reading Oprah Winfrey's biography. Lisa's coworker and twin brother Chad loudly interrupts to return Lisa's bag and to ask about family matters. Carol and Lisa become quick friends ("Who Will Get Me?"). Gaining confidence, Carol invites Lisa to accompany her to flip the switch at 9:43PM. Lisa talks to one of the frogs in her head, and makes a commitment to go with Carol even if the world ends. She walks out of the biology lab, leaving Chad. The quarks confide that they are each other's ride or dies. Clarence and Christina ask Carol if she wants to eat with them after work, but Carol says she'll say back ("Ride or Die").

The janitors have caught word that the wold may end because of a potential black hole and decide to make a bucket list. As they mention things they want to do, it ends up being an entire list of skinny dipping in different bodies of water ("Okay Wait, Should We Skinny Dip?"). Later, Chad has dinner with his mom, Pam, and she becomes concerned with his dedication to kissing the dead frogs at his job. When Chad rushes to kiss the leftover frogs, Pam is left alone but the quarks around her give her comfort that no one is ever alone ("Kissing Frogs").

At the Hadron Collider, Lisa arrives at 9:45 and Carol admits she waited for Lisa and really wanted her to be there. Lisa tells Carol she believes in her. Carol flips the switch and they watch the reaction in anticipation. The quarks in the chamber begin colliding ("A Shot Through a Quark"). Chad enters the room, wondering what's happening and Carol explains the that a quark is being split apart. A new particle is discovered and Carol names it the higgs boson particle. Lisa praises Carol for her work, and Carol dedicates it to her love of science. Chad confesses to his love of frogs and invites Lisa over for Thanksgiving, which she accepts. ("I Love Science"). Carol gives the higgs boson a nickname, the God particle. Chad invites Carol over for Thanksgiving as well. When they're left alone, Carol and Lisa confess they love for each other, and are amazed by the discovery of their newfound affection. ("Would You Ride and Then Collide With Me").

**Show/Hide**
## Musical Cast

### Jessica McKenna

* Carol Kershaw
* Little Quark #1
* Janitor who'd be a food scientist
* Pam

### Taylor Ortega

* Christina
* Little Quark #3
* Janitor who'd be an ocean scientist
* Lisa

### Zach Reino

* Clarence
* Little Quark #2
* Janitor who'd be a chocolate clock scientist
* Chad, who kisses the frogs
* Josh the Frog

## Songs

* "Do It for Science" (6:32)
* "Win Win" (11:08)
* "When You Break It Down, You Get a Quark" (15:14)
* "You Gotta Ask Why" (19:55)
* "We Could Never Do What You Do" (25:02)
* "Who Will Get Me?" (28:09)
* "Ride or Die" (33:10)
* "Okay Wait, Should We Skinny Dip?" (38:33)
* "Kissing Frogs" (44:06)
* "A Shot Through a Quark" (48:42)
* "I Love Science" (51:20)
* "Would You Ride and Then Collide With Me" (Finale) (53:49)

Closing Song:

* "Your Own DCOM" (Your Own DCOM) (57:04)

## The Three Janitors' Bucket List

1. Swim in a lake with no clothes on
2. Take off all of our clothes and splash around in a pool
3. Take off our clothes and swim in an ocean
4. Take our clothes off and swim in a river
5. Take our clothes off and swim in a pond
6. Take off our clothes and swim in the sink
7. Take our clothes off and swim in a fountain
8. Cry a lot, get naked, and swim in our tears
9. Take our clothes off and swim in a shower
10. Be naked with you in a jacuzzi
11. Take off all our clothes and swim in a bath
12. Take off our shirts and pants and swim in a bucket