Dan Klein, Our Close Friend

**"Dan Klein, Our Close Friend"** is the sixty-fifth episode of Hollywood Handbook.

Official Earwolf Page

## Earwolf Synopsis

Sean and Hayes finally weigh in on the Cosby situation and explain why Bill has yet to respond to recent allegations. Then, hot stand-up comedian DAN KLEIN is in the studio to talk about his pay to watch model of his self released comedy special “Dan Klein: This Is Comedy,” how comedians can get sad, what kind of SNL characters he has in his arsenal, how LA is different from New York, and being inspired by Seinfeld. Plus, Dan gives us an exclusive look behind his infamous Starbucks joke.

## Notes & Memorable Quotes

### Pre-Guest Segment

* Hayes talking over the theme: So Amy Pascal comes over to me and is like, oh all these email leaks, these leaks from Sony and you did it because you were like trying to print your valet card -- it's like well the secretary wasn't there to do it for me so it's like, I had to do something, what am I gonna do just like, stand there all day? You are supposed to validate, and when you're not there I'm gonna get on the computer and try to print my own valet card.
* Hayes and Sean have been getting asked constantly about what they're gonna say about a certain issue. They ask their fans to quit sending them emails to keep asking.
* Hayes and Sean don't exactly want to talk about the Cosby controversy, but Sean decides to clear the air right now that Hayes created the Cosby Mysteries. Does that make them best friends? No, but they worked together for a long time -- much like how Sean is not best friends with engineer Cody or his little cousin Sam? No.
* So anyway there's this whole thing going on with Bill, and Hayes and Sean talk about how it's so ridiculous that there's this whole outrage machine now, where someone rapes 20 women and now everyone gets so upset. Everyone's so ready anytime something happens, and it's confusing to know if someone is actually sharing their opinion or someone else's opinion. Side-note: Don't use hashtags come up with your own way to summarize the thing.
* Hayes and Sean go on to say when you get accused of something like this you can't even dignify it with a response -- even Bill has said this. You ask why not even one single person has come out and defended him? It's not in his character to rape all these people. In Bills own words, they don't even want to dignify it with a response. Saying that Bill is likely not a rapist based on the interactions you've had with them is really dignifying an innuendo in this case. (Please don't make a joke about how innuendo sounds similar to going into your rear end)
* It's important to say that some of the little kids on the show have spoke up to say that they weren't molested she's a little kid. Hayes actually has a bit of a problem with her response, because she's dignifying it.
* Hayes wants to make a clear statement: If you're accused of raping 20 people (minimum) and if you say no I didn't do it, then you run the risk of people thinking that you did it. And maybe that's what Bill is afraid of is maybe he did it. But instead by maintaining his silence and not dignifying it with a response now people are saying these people are just crazy. Why would Bill just not say anything? You look at the people accusing him and you gotta think who profits from this? You gotta follow the profits. When Hayes takes a guess at who profits he comes up with Temple Universities athletic rival.
* The only way to counteract this conundrum is to say that he DID do it because now people will be saying, well did he really? Sean proposes the idea of instead of Bill saying he didn't do it, Sean is saying he DID do it so know you KNOW he didn't do it! It's the only way to defend and protect Bill
* Hayes thinks that he's in this mystery solving mode because of the podcast Serial -- everything now he looks at he just wants to be a case solver. And Sean goes on to say that this the Cosby Mysterious was kinda the pre-cursor to Serial it's how they got that idea.
* Hayes and Sean talk about how the Cosby Mysteries was really the real grandfather of that kind of mystery genre, and that looking back Hayes thinks Cosby Mysteries shouldn't have worked and that it was a risk. Cosby was known for being a nice dad, and getting into that world was just a big risk. Hayes loves the legacy it has though, Sean tells him good for you. Then says 'There's a fucking guest' and Hayes introduces Dan Klein

### Guest Segment

* Sean talking over the theme: So at this point I've witnessed the whole thing and Ed Koch turns to Rudyard Kipling Jr and he says connect four Runyard is furious! He says you cheated Ed! Now I know he cheated but I'm not the referee.
* Hayes and Sean introduce Dan Klein and he thanks Hayes and Sean for letting him be here, it's a real honor and he talks about how they're changing the game and it's dope as hell with this podcast. Hayes and Sean tell him right back that he's changing the game with all of his YouTube videos and special is really changing the game. Especially Dans new special and how it's a pay whatever you want format
* This special is something anyone can enjoy and so Dan will take money from anyone -- your Grandma, or kids, even someone who is homeless or struggling with their job they can pay whatever they want as well.
* Sean ranks Dan above Louie and Aziz. Dan asked Sean not to say this before the show but Sean persisted on saying it. Sean just doesn't get some episodes of Louie.
* Sean heard a rumor about Dan about how when he was growing up he was actually kind of a nerd. Sean finds it almost hard to believe because Dan is so cool, but Hayes tells Dan Sean and him are self-confessed nerds. They love comic books. Dan talks about how he loves comic books and loves Doctor Who. Hayes asks what kind of comic books he likes, Dan talks about Spiderman, and how he loves superheroes. Dan loves going to the movies and seeing these movies -- he's so nerdy.
* Dan talks about how you may be surprised but a lot of comedians weren't super cool in school. Sean talks about how being funny is like a defense mechanism in school because you weren't cool. Comedians can even be sad, and the funniest things they ever came up with in school is when they were sad
* Hayes asks Dan if there was a specific time he was sad that he came up with something funny. Dan asks if Hayes or Sean have ever been dumped and goes on to say he has so much material from that scenario. For instance hot girls are so crazy. Sean really relates to Dan's comedy in this sense, and Hayes go on to say there's a lot of signs that these girls are crazy, such as how many pairs of shoes they have
* At various points in Dan's special he talks about being single, having a girlfriend, and even being married and Dan goes on to say it's all about being relatable -- He just comes up with these scenarios to have people listen to your shit. Comedians like Aziz only want the Aziz fans to laugh but Dan wants to appeal to everyone
* Sean talks briefly about how Dana Carvey but he would dress as a girl in anchorman -- Dan interrupts and goes, some guys name was Dana? were his parents hitting the bong? "uhh I'm so ripped, what should we name him? Dana? uh that sounds good dude, I'm so ripped dude"
* Hayes asks Dan how different New York is from LA, and Dan talks about how different LA is, how he's sitting in his car a lot, in New York he's always on the subway. Sean talks about how he likes being in his car and being in his pod. Dan goes on to say, he likes to sight see in New York and get ideas, but he also does like the alone time to sit there and write ideas.
* Hayes talks about how when a lot of these comics will go on stage and they'll do a whole show but when you get them in a meeting it's just Mr normal guy, that's the one time you should be pushing your own weirdness and personality onto people. Dan doesn't get it he always pushes his comedy right into peoples faces and he'll make them laugh being as funny as he can. Sean's favorite thing about Dan is how you'll never catch him not doing the shit that he's doing on stage, he never wears out either.
* Sean mentions how Dan has brought up Woody Allen a couple times and asks him to talk about what he thinks of him. Dan says he was awesome at one point but what he's done now isn't so awesome -- but he's done some awesome shit so that's important to remember. Dan only cares about the comedy, he doesn't want to get too involved in the other stuff.
* Sean asks Dan if it's important today as a comedian to be a part of the internet Dan says yes, and it's all about the internet, it's the wave of the future. That's why he puts up so much content on YouTube. Hayes noticed one thing about Dan's twitter, how it used to be all jokes, but now it's more show dates and plugs. Dan embraces this and says it's awesome, it's a way for his fans to know what he's up to such as his appearances on *@midnight*
* Hayes wants to play a clip from Dan's stand up special -- it's something that has been in all of his other stand up specials as well but he wants to play the clip so Dan can talk about it. (Hayes then plays a clip from Dan's special *This is Comedy*)
* The clip played was about how Starbucks can never get your name right when you order a coffee, Sean asks if this story Dan told in the special is true, and Dan tells them about how he'll tell a guy his name is Dan, and somehow this guy will mess up this normal American name and write something absurd like Darnush.
* Sean wants to talk about the sizes of Starbucks -- the sizes are so absurd! In what language is Grande a medium?! and a small is a tall?! This makes no sense! and this is the key to comedy is to make people laugh about what confuses people.
* The most miserable son of a bitch in Hollywood is the guy working in a coffee bean, and people are ordering a tall and grande to him and he just know oh you're not a loyal customer. Hayes thought Sean was gonna say Liam Neeson after his wife and that horrible accident.
* Sean asks Dan if being funny is a way to get girls? Dan tells him how at first you can't get any girls but later on you start getting hotter girls. Going back to high school when you're funny is like being a popular nerd and when you're popular you get a girlfriend
* Dan also talks about the fact that he was poor growing up, and had to hussle growing up to get where he is today. Sean is absolutely blown away, and Dan talks about how he not only had a job growing up, but he also had to work another job growing up.
* Hayes asks if Dan has spoken to any brands to sponsor, and Dan talks about how no companies have reached out to him, and in fact he's actually sort of poor still. He can feel some companies are reaching out soon so he's not worried about it.
* Dan plugs his twitter and talks about how much people love how he tweets about 150-200 times a day. People love that shit.
* Hayes interrupts Sean trying to plug to rate and review the show. Sean gets mad, and asks people to rate and review on iTunes, then later asks if he was overreacting and Hayes tells him he actually sort of interrupted him, so does that make him even? Dan cuts in to say mommy and daddy are fighting which really breaks the tension and makes everyone laugh

## Recurring Segments

* Pro Version - Brandon Dryrock - Prize is Dan to come up with a bit for his name. Dan hopes he's not in the ocean because if you were he'd be a little big of a WETrock!

## Recurring Jokes

* Sean's Little Cousin Talking to the Engineer - Is Sean best friends with his little cousin Sam? No. Sean asks Sam to tell everyone that he's not his friend. Sam says he wasn't listening.
* Lauffing / Bussin' Up - Dan has his special on a pay whatever you want special -- and this model makes Sean want to even pay more. If you're lauffing and bussin' up in a good way you just want to hand over so much money
* Nerds / Comic Books - Hayes, Sean, and Dan all talk about what nerds they were growing up and what comic books they read all during the guest segment. Dan particularly loved Spiderman.
* Seinfeld - Dan's other inspirations in comedy were people like Seinfeld and how famous he was and how much money he was making and stuff and Dan was thinking that was so dope, and he wants to do that
* Points! - Sean give Dan points regarding his philosophy on using his twitter for plugs instead of jokes

## Episode Photos

Dan Klein *(center)* making Hayes Davenport *(left)* and Sean Clements *(right)* buss upHayes, Sean, and Dan Klein bussin' up in the studioHayes, Sean, and Dan Klein in the studioHayes, and Dan Klein in the studioSean in the studio