Hans Hanserburger

—**Hans Hanserburger**, in his musical guide on how to make burgers, Toasty Buns.

**Hans Hanserburger**, was the Führer of not Nazi Germany but the Führer (or Bundesherr) of the Republic of Germany. He is the first democratically elected Führer in the history of Germany and the new Rapper Supreme of Germany.

Hans is the man who invented the hamburger, and later the Beenchurger, in Hamburg, Germany.

He died during his Bundesherr term and became a ghost and he couldn't become Führer again because he is a ghost, until the Germans realized that they were being discriminatory to a person, so he became Führer again until he retired in 2043 to teach the ways of becoming a Burgermaster.

He is codenamed **Beard Burger Master** in the Rappa Good Crimes Gang and is the co-leader of the Gang, behind leader Hairdresser Octopus. He is the one who caters the affairs of the various things that the Good Crimes Gang does.

## Hans Wheatfarmer

Hans Hanserburger was born in the rural Hamburg, Germany and grew up as a wheat farmer and bread maker during the Second Reich. He went to school in the suburb of Hamburg and learned the typical stuffs of math, science, and language arts, but the worst thing was that the kids and teachers thought that the rural farmers were stupid and, more importantly, made mediocre food. Young Hans was very prideful in his family's craft, so he planned to make the best tasting bread and, less importantly, get super good grades.

Every day, Hans took extra wheat from the crop to try and make it into the perfect bread. It took 6 years to make the perfect bread: BUNS. At 15 years old, he shared his buns (...) with his fellow students and previous teachers and they were absolutely ecstatic because of how good they tasted. The love of the buns got the attention of his parents, and they made a stall in urban Hamburg for the selling of buns. This is how Hans' family got rich and expand services.

## The Beef

So, Hans laid down the beef with a Korean woman and made the child, KJU, who grew up a wheatfarmer and wanted to become a beeffarmer, but Hans wouldn't give him money and that's how Hans began to have beef with his son.

### Hanserburger Civil War

Hans Hanserburger and Kirn Hanserburger, who managed to become a beeffarmer, had to innovate on how they made their respective foods in order to one up each other.

 Kirn responded by adding garlic to the nuggets
 Kirn made the third move by making beef cylinders
 Kirn made the fourth move by traveling to Italy and adding spaghetti noodles to his recipe
 Kirn does not respond

#### Burger Peace Treaty

Kirn makes the final move by going up to his father and suggesting that they combine forces and put a cylinder of beef and put in between toasty buns and sell it to people. This was how burgers were invented.

## Burgers Become Supreme

Hamburg Hamburgers become immediately successful all over Germany and finally get the name *hamburger* because they are from Hamburg and were made by the Hanserburgers.

Hans finally hires some employees to make and sell burgers all over Germany and the world, but Hans wasn't a good teacher back then, so people only really liked the other Beard Burgers locations instead of ultra loving, like the Hamburg location, where Hans is the one toasting the buns.

### War Burgers

Kaiser Wilhelm, emperor of Kaiser Germany, renames the Gewehrmacht to the Burgewehr because hamburgers became a national symbol of Germany. The Burgewehr soldiers are fed special pocket-sized hamburgers.

It was still called the Burgewehr during WWII and Hans Hanserburger was afraid that hamburgers would become associated with violence and war and Nazis. He was only afraid a little bit because every country ate hamburgers.

## The Great Burgerführer

Hans Hanserburger replaced Führer Steindong as the Führer of Germany when Steindong died. Hans is the first democratically elected Führer of Germany in history.

People knew he had ties to Frank Steindong, drinker of Genocider, but he is the inventor of burger and no one else was competent given German brain drain, so an overwhelming majority voted for him in the first free Führer election.

### Extra, Extra! Read All About It!

Führer Hanserburger made a few big changes to the state of Germany. He got some help from former innocent Natchdong Party members and EU and US intellectuals to help make the new German Republic Essential Articles and Tender (GREAT) constitution.

The GREAT laid a supreme law for German citizens and government to follow. It is inspired by the United States' Constitution, in fact, it protects most freedom of speech, press, association, and religion unlike other (not irrelevant) EU countries. It even protects the right to own firearms, only semi-auto pistols and bolt actions for the public, though. Only the police and military get to have the long auto guns.

The GREAT establishes the Parliament and the Volkhaus. The Parliament is made up of Parlisons who are voted in by the Volkhaus and the public. The Volkhaus is made up of Hausers who are voted in by the public. The maximum Führer term is 20 years. Führers can be removed by 2/3 vote of Parliament and 2/3 vote of the Volkhaus.

Hans made sure that this one would definitely be written in the GREAT: Absolutely no preferential or discriminatory practices based on race, gender, or religion. He wanted that to avoid the possibility of the stupid stuff businesses and schools do in other countries.

### Führer Decisions

Hanserburger made Germany really join the European Union by getting rid of Deutschmarks and adopting the euro. This made transactions and burger trade easier and faster.

He increased spending of budget on developing weapons, like firearms and grenades and stuff. Speaking of military, the Burgewehr was changed into the Bundesburger.

## So Good Tasting, It's a Crime

Hans Hanserburger mentors Parappa one day because Parappa wanted to become a man. Instead, Hans taught him how to be a Burgermaster, which is like becoming a real man, only better!

Anyway, after that, Parappa goes on to do amazing things because he's gotta believe! That feat inspired Hans Hanserburger to join the Rappa Good Crimes Gang to do more good things for the people of the world, like cooking burgers for orphanages. He got the codename Beard Burger Master because he has a beard and is the Burgermaster.

## Trivia

* Ghost Hans has an epic power that does nothing but make him glow RGB
* Dancing and rapping while making burgers make them taste 67% better. 134% better if you're Hans