Koch

> "*Who wants to talk about pay-to-win kids?*"—Koch
>
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Koch is the current ruler of Kochland residing in a giant egg-resembling dome in Kocher, Kochland. Because Koch made the land himself, the country was named after him. While Kochland and Weebatronia sometimes have political, non-violent disputes over the ownership of Turtland, the personal relationship between the two countries' rulers is cordial. Koch is known for his famous eggs, and his country is known for having the finest food in the entire Derpy Dimension; for instance, a Kochlandish business owns McDerpellz. Koch is known for being candid and has earned many votes in his country for his honesty.

## History

### Creation

One day, a chef in McDerpellz was creating a new recipe. The chef is unidentified but was sick with a noncontagious disease and had to go home early. His work-in-progress recipe was left on the stove, and he hoped to continue it after recovery; however, the chef was murdered by a hooman while on a mission in Versailles, France.

Several days later, DerpyMcDerpell came to the same McDerpellz to inspect, but he, being the clumsy guy he is, accidentally dropped the Derp Knife into the unfinished recipe. When this happened, a small burst of Derp magic was released into the food, which consisted of different types of eggs. There was also a piece of the chef's hair in it, but the chef did not care since he was the only one who would be eating it.

When the food was exposed to magic, the many eggs melted and mixed warmly, and the hair broke. DNA from the hair would magically insert itself into the only surviving cell in the concoction. Later, the cell reproduced, protected by the magic, and formed a giant egg. From this egg, Koch hatched, a small egg with little Derpling feet sticking out underneath and a Derp Face on the front. Hoomanz stole this concept and coined their copy "Russian dolls".

### Early Life

From the moment of his hatching, Koch possessed great powers, and by the age of five, he had learned to control them—he could already make it rain explosive eggs around him with a radius of ten metres and target specific spots. Koch was raised by DerpyMcDerpell in Derp Castle but was sometimes sent to stay with Fukasé when she was available and DerpyMcDerpell was not.

When Koch turned ten, he got sick with Salmeepella while on vacation at Turtland. During a cruise, he threw a substantial amount of yolk up into the ocean near the end of the turtle, which some Derpling children made jokes about, as it was yellow. Eventually, the yolk solidified and became a new country filled with minerals from Koch's stomach. Miners moved, gathering these minerals and selling them rapidly. Today, Kochland is inhabited by many chefs and miners.

When Koch turned twelve, he decided to enter five cooking tournaments and placed first place in all of them, beating even Meepleezo, who was, until then, undefeated. His victory incited a large (and lasting) amount of tourists to go to Kochland and try recipes made by the master himself. Kochland's economy, therefore, is largely dependent on its food and has been successful ever since.

### Later Life

As Koch continued to rule Kochland, the country increased in stability and became a democracy. Despite there being a choice for a new leader, Koch has won every election with an average of ninety-eight votes per one hundred citizens. Many see Koch as a god, as many chunks of solid yolk with Derp magic left over from the accident at McDerpellz transformed into living beings.

Koch made friends with various rulers on Nov Islandos, including dictator Sammy of Weebatronia, Meloner of Melonland, and Jammy Turtilla of Turtland. Shortly after befriending them, however, Meloner died at the hands of The Supreme Pickle I's wife, whose husband ate him. Kochland was one of the first countries to get involved and side with Melonland, the Derplandz following suit.

During the war, Kochland sent thousands of soldiers to Pickland and participated in the flooding of Los Pickles. Koch himself appeared at Derp Castle in the massive battle in which the Derplings succeeded in killing the Supreme Pickle I and his wife, the commanders of the pickle army. Koch killed many pickles during the fight.

Following the three conflicts, Melonland was ruled by Adamoy, the son of Meloner, whom Koch befriended and aided in the rebuilding of Melonland. Kochland was the country that contributed most to the construction of Pickle Museum, a reminder to Derplings of the atrocities committed by the evil pickles, one of the primary adversaries of the Derplings.

Long after theWar of Pickles I, Koch led a peaceful country to glory by creating even more recipes. Due to the prosperity of Kochland, citizens were able to have more children, and many Derplings moved to Kochland. Eventually, more government positions were opened, and Daft joined his army. Daft climbed the ranks until he got to an extremely influential position and became an advisor for the ruler. Daft was ambitious and convinced Koch to conquer Turtland, whose leader had disappeared without a clear heir. These goals conflicted with those of Weebatronia's, which were essentially the same.

When Sammy became aware of these goals, plans were made for war, but nothing happened, as other countries advocated for peace; in fact, DerpyMcDerpell got involved. One reason the war was never initiated was that Koch did not share Sammy's determination, as Daft was the one who really wanted Turtland. Currently, Turtland has no officially ruler and is unofficially managed by the Dimension-Wide Government.