Dom and Bern: Motor Madness/Transcript

This is the transcript to the Chronicles Episode "Dom and Bern: Motor Madness".

## Intro

(Drake and Josh style intro)

Dominator: Get this.

Bernadette: Here's the story so far.

Dominator: Bernadette got pulled over by cops in the last episode...

Bernadette: A UUPD officer pulls me over on the way to Shell City...

Dominator: And it turned out her license expired.

Bernadette: He told me my license expired, but I could've sworn it would last while I was back at Incarcecon.

Dominator: Hey, it sucks for her, but my license got burned up back in that stupid galaxy incident, and we were NOT gonna risk getting arrested.

Bernadette: So, Dominator accompanies me to the vehicle pound...

Dominator: And I go with her to this place where they keep all the confiscated cars and stuff...

Bernadette: And Officer Axel happened to be there, and he was willing to give it back.

Dominator: The eel officer said he'd give Bern's car back on one condition.

Both: We have to take a driver's test.

Bernadette: I can't wait to get my license.

Dominator: I am ready to drive again... Wait, did we SERIOUSLY just reference Drake and Josh? I'm not even sure if people even remember the Amanda Show at this point!

Bernadette: "Don't ruin the thing, Dom."

## Chapter 1: Driving Towards Troubled Waters

(In the Prophet's palace...)

Dominator: (She's watching Bernadette pace worriedly) Bern, I can tell you're nervous, but it's just a driving test.

Bernadette: Just, a driving test? JUST, A DRIVING TEST?! Dom, you heard what Axel said! He'll give my car back after I pass the test, but the UUDMV only has a month left of testing.

Dominator: "Since when does ANY DMV only permit a time limit on being able to learn how to drive-"

Bernadette: BECAUSE PLOT! If I don't pass, I'll face either a year of driving classes or two years of jailtime, and every moment counts in this war!

Dominator: "Okay, fair enough, I can see how this would be a bit of an inconvenience, which is already not helped that people aren't exactly taking our fight with Rodney seriously, even if Dexter did argue that's a good thing cause zero mass-panic. Even more so that if the jailtime thing happens, Rodney isn't gonna try and tease you with another vacation/post-card hooscow since I'm sure Void is not being so chillax with him anymore. But all the same, relax, there's no serious pressure."

???: I wouldn't worry either. (The two girls look around)

Bernadette: Who said that?

???: Over here. (The two see SpongeBob entering the room)

Dominator: SpongeBob? You're given another appearance so soon even after we JUST did your 1st theatrical movie? What are you doing here and WHY are you not drying up like mad?

SpongeBob: For the second thing, I think we're doing SAF logic and say that it's only my world's dry land where I start to dehydrate. For the first, I've been thinking about what Axel said. If you recall, I don't have a license, either.

Bernadette: Well, you seemed to handle the Patty Wagon just fine.

SpongeBob: As I said before, ya don't need a license to drive a sandwich, Axel's counterargument about that the Patty Wagon was still considered a car aside.

Dominator: "But hey, at least he can't tow the patty wagon."

SpongeBob: "I, wouldn't be so sure on that."

(Cutaway)

Axel was literally seen towing the giant eel monster straight from the trench.

Axel: "I believe in NO FREAKING EXCEPTIONS!"

(Cutaway ends)

Dominator: "........ Wow. That guy, is beyond extra credit material."

Bernadette: "Well, that's ONE way to justify having the Patty Wagon back outside of just having an exact replica.... Assuming it can survive the digestive tract of a creature, within a bigger digestive tract of an even bigger creature."

SpongeBob: But I digress. I failed my driving test over a million times. Maybe more. I know all the answers, until I get behind the wheel.

Dominator: "But why show up with us to the UUDMV? We use actual cars, not boats or giant burgers cosplaying as cars."

SpongeBob: Well, you can argue that they're largely not that different apart from cosmetic aesthetics.

Dominator: "Well that was basically Axel's argument in a nutshell."

SpongeBob: I figured that if I knew how to drive a land car, I'd be better at driving a boat.

Dominator: Listen, tiger, as before, our cars aren't like your silly little toy boats. If your reputation for driving is as bad as you say, you don't have what it takes to-

Bernadette: Dominator! Just give this guy a chance. Mindy did.

Dominator: Didn't she have to scam this guy into thinking he was a man with seaweed mustaches?

Bernadette: "She meant well on that! SpongeBob and Patrick wouldn't stop having a crying episode short of it! It was meant to boost their confidence, even if Dennis and Deadpool made that short-lived. And even then, she still believed enough in them that she did what she could to slow down Krabs being executed. And honestly, we also owe him greatly for helping us secure the water crystal, warts and all in the attempt.... Please?"

Dominator:.... (Sighs) Well... All right. But don't say I didn't warn him.

Bernadette: Virgil! When will we arrive at the UUDMV? (a holographic screen opens up, revealing a different version of Earth)

(At the UUDMV)

Bernadette: There it is, guys. The United Universal Department of Motor Vehicles, stationed in, I found out here, Volcano Island New York City.

Dominator: Why would they call this entire world Volcano Island?

Bernadette: Apparently, there's a legendary island nestled near a volcano where an ancient tribe banished their Darkspawn enemy. So great was their battle that they named this entire world after their home. Legend has it, that same Darkspawn will escape, and nine chosen warriors will arise to banish him once again... Something I feel like we'll have to look into if we can.

SpongeBob: Wow... I'd sure like to visit that island one day.

Dominator: I, for one, have lots of faith in you.

(Inside the DMV, people were heard chatting as the trio entered)

Bernadette: (The trio walk up to the reception desk) My friends and I are here to enroll for a driver's test.

Receptionist: Oh sure, I'll just set you guys up and- (Sees SpongeBob as a stock shock sting was heard)...... SANTA MARIA AND THE PONY EXPRESS! YOU BROUGHT *THE* SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS HERE?! (Everyone in the building looked at where the trio are in concern).... ARE YOU TWO LADIES CRAZY!? Are you trying to get us all killed?! Don't you realize that guy is the failure of Mrs. Puff's Boating School?! He's failed the test at least-

Dominator: A million times? Yeah, we know. But if it keeps you from being a crybaby, we'll have the High Council pay for any inevitable damages. And yes, I know you likely don't take them seriously cause of Void, but get over it, money's money!

Receptionist: "(Sighs), Only because management will put me up to it anyway now that you offered."

Dominator: Exactamondo... Now let's do this.

Receptionist: "Yeah, good luck... Oh, and prey ya don't get the fat guy."

(Driving Class).

The trio found themselves in a classroom like setting.

Bernadette: "..... DANG IT, THIS IS THE KINDA THING I WAS TRYING TO AVOID!"

SpongeBob: "Don't worry, I think this is like a quick seminar sort of thing."

The door open and a uniformed elephant came in forcefully with a whip.....

Elephant: "(Smacks the whip angrily to demand attention) Good day, Class. I, am Miss Ram P. Age- (Dominator snickered) (Whacks the Whip) What is so amusing?

Dominator: Uh, I didn't say anything.

Ram: I'm sure you didn't. Now then, I'll be your Driving Teacher for the seminar and test. First... We have to acknowledge the elephant in the room... Outside of me, (Whacks whip) CLEARLY! (Pauses) Martha? (An Elephant Student was seen)..... Happy Birthday. (The Students clap for the excitedly trumpeting Elephant Student) (Ram whacks the whip again) OKAY FOCUS! (Silence) Now, we're going to run a public domain old driving instructions film that while outdated, still offers timeless and reliable information. Of which I expect all of you, (Sternly at SpongeBob) And I do mean (WHACKS WHIP AT HIS DIRECTION, MISSING INTENTIONALLY TO SCARE HIM) ALL of you, to pay attention.

SpongeBob: Yes, ma'am.

Ram:" Good, because this will be on your driving tests on these sheets of paper. (Paper was smacked into everyone's desks by computer probes) Pass the tests, and you can carry on... Fail, AND YOU'LL BE CONDEMNED TO USING PUBLIC TRANSIT TILL WE PERMIT YOU ANOTHER ATTEMPT AT THIS! (Calms down) Now... (Proceeds to leave) Good luck on your tests and good for you if you pass. (Was about to leave then turns angrily) AND HEAVEN'S FORBID YOU GET THE FAT GUY! (Slams the door)"

Bernadette: "...... I'm detecting we're borrowing elements from Rocko's Modern Life here."

A Camera appeared from nowhere and started to project an old driving instruction film!

The Film ends.

SpongeBob: Wow... that was very educational.

Dominator: (Pauses) That was literally an old Goofy Cartoon.

Bernadette: "But, Miss Age was right. While out of date, it still has some largely universal truths."

Dominator: "Yeah... Don't be like SpongeBob, nor Goofy... Though kinda odd Goofy is always used as the strawman on what NOT to do on these kinds of cartoons."

Bernadette: "Well he's kinda meant to be an exaggerated representation of how NOT to do certain things, and that was his charm in the old days-"

Computer Probe: "Begin tests now."

Everyone immediately got to testing.

(A Test later)....

Computer Probe: "Time to turn in tests. (Starts collecting a test, and got to the first student) You scored a 5.0... This final score is... (Intimidating voice) UNACCEPTABLE! (The student suddenly fell into a cannon and was fired out of it straight into the moon as he screamed, and Dominator and Bernadette made concerned faces)

Dominator: "...... Well this took a turn for the Invader Zim reference!"

Bernadette: "DID THEY REALLY JUST SHOOT THAT GUY TO THE MOON?!"

Computer Probe 2: "Don't worry, that cannon provided him his own space suit and he was shot right to the location of our expanded test taking program on the moon."

Bernadette: "YOU HAVE AN EXTENDED PROGRAM ON THE MOON?!"

Computer Probe 2: "You'd be surprised how technology had advanced cause of Aliens and Gummi Ships."

Bernadette: "...... Technology, you fickle, fickle friend. (The first Computer Probe was firing more failures straight to the moon in the same fashion until it got to the trio and took each of their papers)

Computer Probe 1: "You each scored a 9.9, 10, and a 9.1, respectively... These scores are... (Tense silence).....(Cheery voice) ACCEPTABLE! (Fanfare was heard and confetti fired everywhere from the computer probes) You get to move on with the path to getting your legal privilege to motorized vehicles!"

Bernadette: "Oh thank goodness! (Sighs) I never realized the UUDMV gotten so much more, aggressive these days."

Dominator: "Well hey, least it's not as boring as I thought it was gonna be."

Computer Probe 1: "Go ahead and press forward... (Intimidating voice again) AND BEWARE THE FAT GUY!"

(Eye Doctor's office)

The Trio was walking onward.

Bernadette: "SpongeBob, I'm impressed that you got a perfect score on that test."

SpongeBob: "Well as I said before, I do fine on the written and oral tests, it's the actual driving that's the problem."

Nurse: "Okay, the each of you will be assigned separate eye doctors."

Dominator: "When the heck did driving tests require eye doctors?"

Bernadette: "Dom, eyes are OBVIOUSLY important for driving, that's kind of an expected standard."

The Nurse gave the trio each separate rooms and head to such.

Bernadette got the office of a kindly owl doctor while SpongeBob got a special fishtank room with a doctor in a diving suit seeing him, Dominator found herself traveling down a spooky and haunted looking part of the hallway and found her assigned doctor's room.

Dominator: "(Reads words) Dr., Eyesore?..... Super assuring that this guy sounds fun at parties. (Enters the office, and found that it looks more like a Frankenstein inspired place then a proper doctor's office as she looks at the various eyes in jars) Okay, I'm one to talk as a former villain, but no way in heck is this legal. (A tall shadow looms over Dominator).... Well this took a turn. (Turns to see a very tall, menacing and maniacally chackling giraffe doctor, covered in mutated eyes and has his main eyes being able to leave his skull in stalks like a snail) WHOOOOA, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU REALLY NEED JESUS!"

Scary Doctor: "Hellllooooo... My pretty. (Examines Dominator in uncomfortable ways with the eyestalks) I'm Dr. Ivan Eyesore. (Sees Dominator's eyes and he hisses with intrigue) And your eyes are like ruby sapphires! (Chuckles) (Quietly) Perfect for my collection!"

Dominator: (Quietly) I'm detecting where this thread's going and already I wanna punch this dude for that.

Dr. Eyesore: "I understand you came to get your eyes examined. Let's go ahead and do that, shall we? (Dominator got pounced by a robotic chair and held down forcefully). Time to see, eye-to-eye. (Grabs Dominator's eyes, and pulls them out in a cartoony fashion as the doctor stared and massage the optic nerves) Ohhhhh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho. It is like touching gold for me... (High-pitched giggles) Your eyes are perfect... (Pulls out a hacksaw) Too perfect. (Giggles)

Dominator: "Yeah, this is a HELL NOPE FOR ME, DOCTOR OPTIPHILE! (Just outside the office, the sound of punches and a brawl was heard as Dr. Eyesore was heard screaming, followed by shattering of glass and things getting broken, then Dominator opened the door and left with a signed paper) (Cheery) Thanks for the clean bill of health, doc, buh-bye. (Walks off as Dr. Eyesore was found tied to a pretzel by the neck as his office was in ruins, then a Nurse came in and saw everything......

Nurse: "....... (Sighs), Eyesore, how many times do I have to report you for assumingly trying to take someone's eyes?! It's a wonder management didn't fire you from the start!"

(Later...)

Bernadette: Hey, Dom! SpongeBob and I passed our doctor's exams!

SpongeBob: of course.

Dominator: See? What were you so nervous about?

SpongeBob: How'd you do on the eye exam?

Dominator: I narrowly passed. Ran into a little trouble with the creepiest eye doctor ever with, an unhealthy obsession with eyes, but otherwise no problem. He was nothing the classic Dominator business enders can't handle. (Flexes her arms).

Bernadette:..... I don't wanna know further what happened..... Ahem. And now for the tricky part; Applying our knowledge to practical use.

SpongeBob: Oh no, that IS the tricky part. That's where I always have trouble.

Dominator: Well, sucks for you, Spongey.

Bernadette: I have an idea. We'll most likely be using the same car, so Dominator and I will go first to allow you to watch us in action and calm your nerves. Then, you can try it on your own. Does that sound good to you?

SpongeBob: As long as these pants are square, and this Sponge is Bob, I won't let you down! (Was literally carrying Dominator and Bernadette)....

Dominator: Uh, kid? Let us down.

SpongeBob: (Lets the duo go) Sorry, force of habit.

Dominator: But otherwise, we'll just have to see where this goes.

???: Willows, Bernadette, party of three. (A female driving instructor enters the scene)

Bernadette: Right here.

Dominator: "Well lucky us, we didn't get the oh so feared "Fat Guy"."

Instructor: "Primarily because he's already taken. (Points to a Kaiju Level Fat Pig being ridden by a scared student as his rolls of fat blob out and crash into pedestrians)... Yeah, you have NO idea how lucky you guys are not getting stuck with that thing."

Bernadette: "And I think it gets the obvious Rocko's Modern Life references out of the way now."

Instructor: "Anyway, come with me."

(In the parking lot)

Driving Instructor: So, who wants to go first?

Dominator: I'll do it. (She hops into the driver's seat)

Driving Instructor: Don't jump into the seat! This isn't a college party. (Everyone else gets in)

Dominator: Okay, seatbelts, engine start... (She starts the engine)

Driving Instructor: Okay, if you'll just take a left...

Dominator: Oh, I'll give you more than a left. (She drives off wildly as most of the drive consists of this)

(Dominator pulls back into the DMV)

Dominator: Did I pass?

Driving Instructor:...... Under, normal circumstances, we don't reward that kind of driving, but..... Oddly enough, the car IS in one piece, so, you kinda passed, on a VERY small margin on error.

Dominator: Thanks.

Driving Instructor: Emphasis on the SMALL margin of error, cause, you can't pass just YET.

Dominator: Why not?!

Driving Instructor: Well... You ran two stop signs...

Dominator: I just didn't see them coming!

Driving Instructor: Drove on the sidewalk...

Dominator: I went too late into the turn, that's all.

Driving Instructor: Went too slow into a residential area...

Dominator: You know how neighbors and their slow kids can be sticklers for the road.

Driving Instructor: Rear-ended an ambulance...

Dominator: That was an accident on my part. And hey, it didn't had anyone in the back, so it wasn't even in use.

Driving Instructor: That still is an infraction of it's own right. Hmm... Did I forget anything?

Bernadette: She also threatened to run over a crossing guard.

Dominator: NOT COOL, BERN! And those kids were completely out of the way anyway, so there was just HIS STUPID STOPSIGN HOLDING BUTT IN THE WAY!

Driving Instructor: Look, Dominator, you look like a nice girl. Not the best driver, though. Ms. Willows will go next, and if Mr. Squarepants is as bad as they say he is, then we'll see. (Dominator and Bernadette switch seats)

Bernadette: Dom, where did you learn to drive like that anyway?

Dominator: One of my sisters used to be a street racer. We used to call her Roadrager for laughs.

Bernadette:... That, would explain a lot.

(Later...)

Driving Instructor: Well, Bernadette, you passed with flying colors. Let me just get a bit of fresh air, then we'll be ready for SpongeBob's test. (Leaves the car)

Bernadette: Well, that was easy. (Gets out of the seat) Okay, SpongeBob, you're up.

SpongeBob: Me?

Bernadette: Yeah. You wanted your license, didn't you?

SpongeBob: I know, but... Do you think I'll do okay, Bernadette?

Bernadette: Well, if you learn from my example, I'm sure you'll do just fine. (They switch seats as the driving instructor returns wearing a suit of armor)....... You're really not helping his confidence, lady!

Driving Instructor: This is meant to be for my safety, to be fair. But otherwise, I'm ready! (She enters the passenger seat) So, the engine's running, seatbelts are fastened... Now, Mr. Squarepants, what's the first thing you do to make a turn?

SpongeBob: I, buh-I, I-duh, FLOOR IT?!

Dominator: I'm no time lord, but I can guess what's gonna happen next.

Driving Instructor: No wait I- (Was too late to Stop SpongeBob from flooring it)..... I brought this on myself. (SpongeBob causes a massive collision and pileup that destroys the UUDMV building)...

Voice: "My leg! My leeeeg!"

Voice 2: "CALL 911 NOW!"

Voice 3: "MY AAAAAAARM!"

Ms. Ram's voice: "THIS IS WHY WE HAVE DMV'S, PEOPLE! (Distant whacking)"

Bernadette: (The trio and the instructor were found standing shocked and bewildered in the wreckage) SpongeBob... You drove the Patty Wagon so expertly... Why are you suddenly, THIS BAD?!?

SpongeBob: So, did I pass?

Driving Instructor: LIKE YOU SERIOUSLY NEED TO ASK THAT?! NO, I'M SORRY, BUT, MAYBE THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD'VE STAYED BEING MS. PUFF'S HEADACHE?!... But Bernadette and Dominator pass.

Dominator: Us? Does this mean...

(Snap cut to Dominator with a driver's license)

Dominator: I'M STREET LEGAL! YEAH!

Bernadette; Only by a technicality! And don't gloat in front of SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: It's okay... When it comes to driving, I'm used to it. I just need to be alone for a while.

Bernadette: Okay, SpongeBob. Take as much time as you need. (She and Dominator leave to deal with a clearly upset DMV manager to arrange having the High Council pay for the damages, as SpongeBob sits on the curb by the wreckage, then a student driver car drives by, and a male dog approaches him)

Male Dog: Well, what's happened here, son?

SpongeBob: I failed my driving test... Again.

Male Dog: Well, that's no reason to feel so sad, kiddo. You can always take it again.

SpongeBob: I TRIED OVER A MILLION TIMES!

Male Dog: Ohh... That bad, huh kid?

SpongeBob: "I ended up wrecking the UUDMV, worse then I would do to Ms. Puffs. By all means I know how driving works, but if I get to anything other than the Patty Wagon, I, I don't know, I just lose it."

Male Dog: (Feels earnestly bad for him) Yeah, I hear ya. The pressure of getting the privilege to being able to drive can get even the best of us. I'm sure they'll have another test you can take soon.

SpongeBob: They're suspending tests for now cause the repairs will take weeks to fix. And even then, they're not like Ms. Puff, they'll likely blacklist me from ever coming back here.

Male Dog: Yeah, not gonna lie, they don't have the patience or legal technicality of being the only place of learning how to drive to put up with your, brand of anxiety.

SpongeBob: I'd do anything to get that license!

Male Dog: Well... Maybe I can help you.

SpongeBob: Why would you help me, random dog person I just met?

Male Dog: Well, it was ironically fortunate that you destroyed the DMV and failed your test just as I was showing up late for work.

SpongeBob: "No seriously, who are you? My parents raised this Sponge to be cautious of strangers!"

Male Dog: Oh, where are my manners? My name is Maximillian Rover. (Shakes SpongeBob's hand) And what's your name?

SpongeBob: SpongeBob.

Max Rover: Holy crud, YOU'RE THAT GUY?! I thought I recognized you! I've seen your show, big fan by the way, and, yeah, this mess was a forgone conclusion when ya showed up! Ahem, that said, you're definitely gonna need even more help than I thought. I can help you get that license if you can help me with something else.

SpongeBob: Sure, Mr. Rover, what do you need?

Max Rover: Well, in case you didn't notice, I'm a certified driving instructor who can easily pass anyone as long as they follow my simple guidelines.

SpongeBob: You can teach me how to drive?

Max Rover: Yep! Thing is, I admit that I am held under obligation to not pass someone who already failed, especially if it's, a particularly bad fail. UUDMV's standards can't be helped. But, I can make an exception if you can solve my problem. My brother Reagan has gone down the wrong road. He and his friends need someone to guide them along the straight and narrow.

SpongeBob: And that'll get me my license?

Max Rover: That's right. Help me out with them, and I'll help you with your test anxiety. Again, personal fan, I personally found your driving struggles endearing. It would be an honor to help you with that.

SpongeBob: "..... Well, anything for a fan."

Max Rover: I am HONORED YOU SAID THAT! All right, SpongeBob, are you ready to start your ultimate driving test?

SpongeBob: Yes, I am!

Max Rover: Okay, then, you drive. (The two get in and SpongeBob floors it into the distance)

(At the Station)

Officer Axel: (He is seen talking with Dominator and Bernadette) Well, I gotta say, I'm impressed that you managed to get your new licenses so quickly. I'll keep my word as a UUPD officer and get your car back to you.

Bernadette: We appreciate it, officer.

Dominator: "As I am impressed that you impounded A FREAKING TRENCH EEL! (Points to the said giant creature blinking confusedly)."

Officer Axel: I never make exceptions. Not even for THAT! We already have a crew working to pull the giant sandwich out. Then afterwards we're legally obligated to release ugly back home afterwards. But right now, it's time for a press conference at Town Hall.

(Sudden cut to a conference at Town Hall)

Newcaster: Good afternoon, I'm Newman Anchorsworth, coming to you live from Volcano Island New York town hall, where we hear at any moment, Commissioner Quidilin will officially declare the United Universal Police operational to all universes. Ah! And here she is now. (The crimson dragon from the Dragon Lands approaches a podium)

Bernadette: (With Dominator in the crowd) Wait... Is that...?

Dominator: "Wait, wasn't that the dragon lady who helped us pass through the ring of fire in the past?"

Quidilin: Thank you. Thank you, everyone. It is my great honor to be a part of this great new justice system. For very long, that ever since Void was left unchecked by the High Council, villainy, and to a related extension, crime, has burdened our collective societies for as long as that evil planet was left undealt with. It got to a point where there's an entire planet of crime left loose, Dedoralyvia by name! Crime is amongst the many maggots allowed to infect and fester into the pus wound of corruption, left to us by Void like that from a wound from an abusive father with a cigar!

Dominator: "And, of course, she's critical to the High Council cause of no duh reasons."

Bernadette: "(Feels guilty) (Quietly) Dom, remember when we went back to the past of Spyro?

Dominator: Yeah. So?

Bernadette: I think Quidilin's criticisms toward us might be more than just us being associated with the High Council.

Dominator: "What do ya- (Gets it)...... Ohh... Crap."

Quidilin: And even now, the High Council's little pets have engaged in a "War" with some of the Void's parasites forming a group together. I'd personally argue that it's not a real war, just two groups entering a personal feud over the Skylander rocks. So honestly more of a feud than a real war. But it shows further on how much the High Council can't be bothered to have a better use for these "Punch Time Explosioners" or what have you outside of having them be a Band-Aid solution to a problem THEY should've fixed themselves!

Bernadette: (quietly) Well maybe back then it was thought Void couldn't be taken out, but I bet she would like to know about our Merlin adventure that there is hope.... Just the matter of doing it while she clearly has it out for us.

Quidilin: Now, apologists may try to argue "at least they're doing something about Void NOW", well, here's my counterargument: They took TOO long to do something they should've done centuries ago! Because of this, chaos has run as rampant as a bad rash! Hostile Alien Empires have destroyed many worlds, villains happen at the blink of an eye over a MILD INCONVINENCE, much less something more serious and probably more understandable for such an ascension, and in this chaos-..... (Solumnly) Families are being broken apart and lost... Something, I had personally, experienced. (Bernadette and Dominator began to sweat with guilt as they immediately hid in disguises, Bernadette in a paper bag with a mustache and Dominator in the disguise she wore when she hung out with Sylvia) (Regains composure) Which is why, I am DONE, letting this universe be swallowed by madness because of the High Council's neglect due to an untested theory scaring them from serious action! That is why I had signed under Tricorn to become commissioner, so more can be done... And I can promise you, under my "Qui-Corn Enforcement Spread Initiative", already being fast-tracked by Tricorn and the senate, that the United Universal Police will spread across all worlds, bringing justice to criminals, no matter how diabolical! (Applause is heard)

Random Police Officer: You're an inspiration to us all, Commissioner Qui!

Quidilin: You're very kind. But I would not have taken this first step without my assembly of officers stationed throughout, including everyone's favorite role model, Chief Amos Blood! (An old bloodhound rolls out in a wheelchair) And yes, I know he looks like he's seen better days, but be aware that Amos has been around for a long time. He deserves respect for this. And now, if it pleases everyone, I'd like you to meet our guests of honor. Would Freelance Police agents, Sam and Max, please step forward? (A brown dog in a grey suit and a white rabbit kicked the door open onto the stage)

Dog and Rabbit: HIYA FOLKS! (Sudden stock footage of kids screaming in cheer)

Stunned silence.

Bernadette: (Quietly) What, just happened?

Brown Dog: Thank you, everyone. It fills me with pride to be volunteering among such a fine lot of certified police officers.

White Rabbit: It also fills me with a sense of pursuit of happiness, and yet it's also at the distain of despicable criminals. Also, Sam said there was a significant drop in crime in recent times back on our world.

Sam the Dog: Pay no attention to Max. Besides, he's the one who said he was bored out of his mind.

Max the Rabbit: You wanna make somethin' of it, tough guy?

Sam the Dog: Let's not get overexcited, little buddy.

Dominator: What a couple of dorks. (Suddenly, a bull police officer pushes through the crowd and runs towards Chief Blood)

Bull police officer: Sir! Sir!

Chief Amos Blood: Yes, Officer Bullman, what is it? You're kind of interrupting the conference.

Officer Bullman: I just received word from the Dispatcher that there's a robbery in progress at the Tricorn National Bank on 82nd!

Chief: What?! (Sighs)..... Sorry Miss Qui, I know you understand that duty calls. Let's move out! (The police officer scramble to their cars)

Sam: Let's go, Max! (The duo jumps in their car)

Officer Axel: Alright ya two, meet me by the vehicle impound! (The squad cars drive off)

Dominator and Bernadette immediately ran out as Quidilin stared at the duo.

Quidilin: "(Quietly) Don't think I've forgotten, High Council pets..."

(At the Tricorn bank)

(A large pack of chihuahuas emerge from the bank)

Chihuahua #1: Come on, man, where's the getaway driver the boss's bro hired?

Lead Chihuahua: They should be here. (SpongeBob pulls up)

SpongeBob: Hi Guys! (As the chihuahuas pile in) Whoa, there sure are a lot of you. Wait, what's with all that money?

Max Rover: "Uh, don't worry, they're just making a withdrawal!"

Lead Chihuahua: Who the hell is this kid?

Max Rover: He's SpongeBob Squarepants, don't you guys have TV?

Chihuahua #2: THE SPONGEBOB?! HOW DID WE NOT KNOW WHO HE IS?! I LOVE HIS SHOW!

Chihuahua #3: "WAIT, ISN'T HE BAD AT DRIVING?!"

Max Rover: Don't worry. He's very good at what he does. Now, then, SpongeBob, floor it!

SpongeBob: Here we go! (He floors it despite the police cars chasing after him) Hey, look at all those police! I wonder if the president's in town.

Chihuahua #3: Drive, you literal sponge-cake! They're gaining on us!

SpongeBob: I'm going as fast as I can! (He sits back down as some of the chihuahuas start firing guns) WAIT, WHY ARE YOU GUYS FIRING AT THEM?!

Max Rover: "SpongeBob, don't worry about that, worry about driving! (The car comes across a police barricade)"

Chihuahua #4: He's not gonna try and smash through that, is he?

Max Rover: Don't worry, as before, he's good at what he does. (SpongeBob smashes through the police barricades until they come across a drawbridge in the distance)

Lead Chihuahua: Once we make it to the drawbridge, we're home free. We're gonna jump the drawbridge as it goes up! No one would be crazy enough to follow us after that!

Chihuahua #5: Except maybe THEM! (Sam and Max's car is still pursuing them)

Max Rover: "Oh nuts, the infamous Freelance Police, Sam and Max! They must be in town after dealing with weirdos in their home world!"

Sam: (Through a bullhorn) Freelance police! Surrender immediately or we will be authorized to use deadly force!

Max the Rabbit: (Through the bullhorn) Well, deadlier than our usual deal, anyway!

Sam: "(Through same bullhorn) You're not exactly helping, Max!"

Chihuahua #6: They're gonna catch us! I'm using the thing! (Brings out a huge rocket launcher)

SpongeBob: "(Shocked) AHH! I WILL NOT CONTINUE TO DRIVE YOU IF YOU USE THAT?!"

Max Rover: YOU HEARD HIM, HE DOESN'T APPROVE OF THAT?! DON'T USE THA- (The chihuahua fires the rocket launcher, which knocks Sam and Max's car to the side and propels the car over the raised drawbridge, as the student driver sticker on the car peels off upon landing, revealing another sticker that says "My other car is a monster truck" with a car grill in skull and crossbones)

SpongeBob: "(Leans over and saw these things) (Gasps) What kind of DMV car is this?!"

Max Rover: "(Shamefully whines, then smacks the rocket launcher using Chihuahua) NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID, YA FLEABAG! HE DOESN'T EXACTLY KNOW WHAT WE WERE DOING!"

Lead Chihuahua: "Wait, you mean he DOESN'T KNOW HE'S A GETAWAY DRIVER FOR A BANK HEIST!"

SpongeBob: "BANK HEIST?! YOU SAID THEY WERE WITHDRAWING!"

Max Rover: "(Sighs) SpongeBob, I, have a confession to make... I'm still part of the DMV, and I'm still serious about my brother and his friends being in a certain path, but... I'm not, exactly, in the position to, really do anything other than support them. I, I kinda lied to you, you are helping me with them, but, not in the way you thought! It's, it's complicated!"

SpongeBob: "...... (Firmly) Then I am BRINGING THIS TO YOUR BROTHER HIMSELF, AND SETTING DOWN THE LINE IN THE SAND, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW! (The car still drives off)."

Max the Rabbit: (Dubbed as Cleveland) YOU SONS OF BITCHES!

Sam: Not my most favorite expression, Max, but otherwise appropriate for this situation.

Max the Rabbit: Situation? What situation? They could've wrecked the DeSoto, Sam!

Sam: Nothing we can do about it now. Those crooks are out of our jurisdiction.

Max the Rabbit: "What Jurisdiction? We're Freelancers, remember?"

Sam: "..... Touche, little pal. What I mean is that we're gonna need backup for these guys."

## Chapter 2: Meet the Rage Rovers

(Back at the police station...)

Quidilin: (Sternly staring at the window after being told everything by some cops)..... So, let me get this straight... The reason you terminated pursuit is because the bank robbers threatened you with guns and rocket launchers?

Duck Officer: Ma'am, yes ma'am! (Quidilin sternly stared at him and some others) (Gulps). Please, understand, there's a fine line between not letting criminals get away and going on suicide runs! By all means guns aren't normally enough, but we don't have a means of dealing with rocket launchers! That's military stuff! We thought we were dealing with generic bank robbers, we swear!

Quidilin: (Clenches her fist angrily)... If I were a lesser dragon, you'd be fired on the spot. And you'd better hope Senator Tricorn doesn't catch wind of this, or you'd be worse than fired. You would kiss your ability of ever being in enforcement goodbye. And I can't promise I would try to sway her against otherwise... (Angrily scratches the wall with claws), Unless I want to risk the intiative I negotiated with Tricorn for too long! Cause I have a stake in this too... If Tricorn is given, ANY IMPRESSION, that you people are no better then the High Council's PETS, then I lose my hard negotiated intiative! And the devines forbid, I lose that, CAUSE OF BANK ROBBERS WITH ROCKET LAUNCHERS?! (The Cops fearfully huddled next to eachother) So... I hope one of you has good news.

Moose Officer: Ma'am, the Chief has reason to believe these bank robbers and the recklessness of their getaway driver is connected to a street gang.

Owl Officer: You mean the Rage Rovers? Could be. Dispatch said the robbers were described to be about 10 or 20 chihuahuas.

Quidilin: (Pauses) Quite... Well, I'll go tend to Chief Blood, then I'll be right on my way. (Enters the office, and sees Blood with Bullman) Chief, I'm putting your entire squad on catching those bank robbers.

Chief Blood: I was already gonna decide that myself, you sanctioning it just makes it more official. Hopefully, it means this won't be a boring way to conclude my time here.

Bullman: Conclude your time? You mean...

Chief Blood: Yes. I'm retiring from the police game, and this is gonna be the last case I'll over-see.

Quidilin: "(Sighs), This will make the initiative a harder sell without you."

Chief Blood: Don't worry about the political aspect, Qui. I'll promise to leave with someone your politician friends will respect just as much as they do me. But I don't need my entire squad. Just me, Bullman, Wattson, and Sam and Max.

Bullman: Oh, yes, sir! Sam and max were the closest to getting those robbers, given their, less than conventional nature. They only fell short cause of last minute tricks. Now that we know what they are packing, we'll respond accordingly.

Quidilin: Hmm... Okay, I'll allow this. Where is Officer Watson, anyway?

Bullman: He said he was gonna meet some civilians he met at Bikini Bottom to retrieve their vehicle.

Quidilin: "(Quietly) So that's why those two were here... (Openly) Chief, I want to sanction a, special request, about those two..."

(At the UUDMV Vehicle Pound...)

Officer Axel: (He hands Bernadette the keys) Here are the keys to your car. It's parked at Row 12.

Bernadette: "...... If it's possible, I'd also like to claim the Patty Wagon, um, once it's, out of the guts of a frogfish within the guts of the eel creature."

Officer Axel: "(Sighs), Chief Blood was rough on me about that anyway, so fine. But I'm still firm about the sponge driving it without a license, so make sure HE understands that, capische?"

Bernadette: Thanks, Axel. And yes, I'll make that clear with him.

Officer Axel: Just keep away from Row #7.

Dominator: You mean the row with that awesome-looking Mad Max Demo-Sadist car over there? (They see a car tricked out with spikes and assorted mounted weapons and a flamethrower on the top)

Officer Axel: (Sarcastically) No, I meant the row with the Oscar Meyer Weener car- (Seriously) YES THE MAD MAX WANNA-BE CAR?! That road safety nightmare has a personal history with this precinct! They call that car "The Motor Destroyer". The driver was said to have run through a police barricade and killed three officers.

Bernadette: That's terrible. What happened to the driver?

Officer Axel: That's the kicker: No one knows. After the car was impounded, the driver disappeared without a trace.

Dominator: Bizarre. But surely unlikely to somehow relate to the plot of this episode in any unforeseeable way. (Suddenly, a giant piece of metal falls onto the Motor Destroyer) Whoa! I didn't know it was scheduled for demolition.

Officer Axel:... It, wasn't... (The metal suddenly floats in the air) That's not a wrecking ball! That's a magnet! (The magnet flies up to a futuristic flying car driven by a male German Shepherd)

German Shepherd: SORRY, PIGS! THE BOSS WANTS HIS BABY BACK! GO CRY ABOUT IT OVER DONUTS! (HOWLS) NO RIGHTS FOR THE ROAD! WHOO! (The flying car flies away with the magnet in tow)

Bernadette: And that's a flying car! How could a magnet like that be wirelessly attached to something like that!? Unless...

???: Yep. (Chief Blood and Bullman arrive)

Chief Blood: That was Techwagen, the tech expert of the Rage Rovers.

Dominator: Wait-wait-wait-wait, sudden turn of the plot of the episode said WHAT NOW?! Who the heck are the Rage Rovers?! And why do they sound more at home at a demolition derby?!

Axel: "Pfft, they'd be banned for OVER-QUILIFYING FOR A DERBY!... And for being felons."

Chief Blood: The Rage Rovers are a street gang that's been causing trouble for quite some time now. Their leader is, a bit of a personal enemy, though I don't yet have reason to believe he's involved.... For now at least.

Bullman: We believe that the bank robbers we lost recently are connected with this street gang. And YOU TWO, are going to help us.

Axel/Bernadette/Dominator: WHAT?!

Bernadette: Oh, I wouldn't want to impose. I mean we have a whole team to get back to. Besides, unless the Three Lords are connected to these guys, I'm sorry to say that the Rage Rovers are not relevant to the Punch Time Exploders.

???: Figures you'd say that. (Quidilin was seen right behind Bernadette and Dominator as the duo freaked out and jumped back)

Quidilin: "Now, it's fine you have your, own matters to tend to, but, while a direct connection to the parasites of void IS unlikely, that doesn't mean that the existence of the rovers isn't cause of the High Council's BAD OVERSIGHT WITH VOID! While likely indirect as I'm sure you will point out, those mutts are influenced by unrestrained energy of Void to BE WHAT THEY ARE! Every surplus of villains, directly or indirectly, is VOID'S DOING, ergo, that means it's also the High Council's fault for not LONG preventing this! And additionally, those mutts rampaging is gonna risk my initiative! (Extra sternly to Bernadette) That runs the risk of families being harmed?! (Angrily) You, owe us this?!"

Bernadette: (Pauses) Ahem! Tell you what, I'll talk to the High Council about this about having the Punch Time Exploders do more, charitable work about helping out in matters not involving the Lords, I mean granted we did kinda accidently did that when we ran into Henrietta, and there was also that other dimension and that thing about an apocalyptic fire dragon in Equestria, but try to understand that for the most part we try to focus on things related to the Lords cause, we're kinda more speicalised for them and-

Dominator: We'd love to! Right, Bern? It's what heroes do and all that.

Bernadette: "Annnnnnnnd I got bumrushed into this....."

Quidilin: "..... Good... Because from here on out, anything that doesn't readily involve your little feud or out of the reach of this intermediate reality, and especially after you settle this problem... (Sternly gets closer to Bernadette's face, eyes glaring at hers) You, answer, to me. For you, owe me, especially...."

Bernadette: "..... (Gulp)..... Again, this, has to be brought up with the High Council before we officialize anything- (Qui's eyes glow in fury) AHH, easy, easy! Okay, I'll declare that we'll seek your blessing for things not involving the war or outside this dimension. Loud and clear, ma'am."

Quidilin: "Good. (Was proceeding to leave)."

Dominator: "...... Yeesh, what's got her all scrunched up? Was it something that happened to a kid of hers? (Quidilin stopped and turned to look with literal fire in her eyes)!...... Whoops, kinda touched a nerve there."

Bernadette: YOU THINK?! (Quidilin growls, but Chief Blood gets in front of her)

Chief Blood: "Take it easy, Qui... It's been clear that Dominator ain't much for tact. Her past speaks volumes of it. Try, to not view her as representive to anything other then herself."

Bullman: "It may be for the best you return to your office, Ma'am. We'll take over from here."

Quidilin: "(Calms down with some breaths)....... Nevertheless, I appreciate the PTE's co-operation. Just be made aware this will not be on official records for Tricorn. Cause I don't want this to challenge the initiative's independent reliability. (Leaves and flies off)...."

Officer Axel:... Chief, have you gone senile, or are you just doing what that dragon wants?! These girls aren't even UUPD!

Chief Blood: They may not be officers, but they are going to help us, even if Quidilin didn't mandate it... Cause why not have an opportunity to have the aide of the folks brave enough to stand up to Void and direct disciples?

Bullman: Best do as he says. Chief told me he's close to retiring.

Axel: "RETIRING?!"

Chief Blood: And I will not let incompetence get in the way of succeeding at my one last job. Is that clear?

Officer Axel: But, sir! (Chief Blood barks and growls at him) (Sighs)... Crystal clear, sir. Proud to see you off when you retire, sir. But I want to make clear that I'm watching these two! Dominator's a loose cannon and Berny doesn't always have a tight leash on her!

Dominator: "We're right here, dude!"

Bernadette: "He's not wrong though, Miss I Almost Made A Dragon Mad At Us!"

Chief Blood: "I'll permit it if it puts you in some ease, Wattson."

Bullman: Best pick up your car while you can, ladies. Cause it's going to be a trip neither will forget.

Bernadette: Right.

(At an old warehouse, SpongeBob parks the car)

SpongeBob: Here we are! Now time to give your brother a piece of my mind, Max.

Max Rover: Look, I know you're upset, but my brother isn't as, easily negotiable?! Nor, as easy to scold!

SpongeBob: Buddy, I survived a trip to shell city and a cyclops, plus TWO Hitmen! I think I can handle a thug! I survived a Thug Tug?!

Max Rover: Look, maybe, let me talk to him, if there's anyone he would tolerate honest critiques from, it's me! Please? Let me make it up to you for that!

SpongeBob: "(Sighs), Well since you're being sincere in being sorry, okay fine. But only because I still respect that you're a fan. But letting you know that I don't particularly approve of your career paths."

Lead Chihuahua: "We know, we know, but a lot of us came from poor homes or just straight up crap neighborhoods, plus more personal reasons I may or may not confine with ya yet, we can't help being like this! Blame society, not us!... And MAYYYYBE some indirect blame on how there's a sentient planet that's the source of all evil, BUT GIVE SOCIETY THE BIGGER FLACK, MAN!"

???: (A voice is heard over a walkie-talkie) Metal Hawk to Ground Rat. Metal Hawk to Ground Rat. I am now delivering the cheese. I repeat, I am delivering the cheese.

Max Rover: (At Walkie Talkie) Metal Hawk, we'll talk about it later! (At SpongeBob) Thanks for understanding, SpongeBob. I'll owe you big for this. I'm, I'm serious about the license if it helps. (Goes in the warehouse with the Chihuahua pack)....

SpongeBob, being curious, decides to go in while Max didn't notice.

(In the warehouse...)

(SpongeBob enters and sees dogs in a boxing ring, and drinking, and savagely eating a lot of meat)

SpongeBob: Oh, strange, the same song from the Thug Tug. I guess it's the universal song of criminals. (He walks over to a bar) Uh, I'm looking for a Reagan Rover.

Bartender: (Breaks a bottle of rum holds up the broken end) What's it to you, cheeseboy?

SpongeBob: "Depdepdepdep, it's okay, I knew Max!"

Bartender:...... By the bathroom. But I'm watching you, cheesey!

SpongeBob: Making it clear that there's a cellular difference- (The Bartender snapped at him) (Makes the same face as when he saw the ugly fish from No Weenies Allowed) (Jumps away from the bar)....... Okay, Cliford the Big Red Dog, that guy is NOT. (SpongeBob walks over to the table, where he sees the chihuahuas, as well as a scarred and brutish dog that looks like Max Rover but as priorly described of being bigger then Max, and a dog dressed like an ice cream man)..... Um, Excuse me? Are you Reagan?

Reagan Rover: (Max was revealed nearby as he got concerned as Reagan angrily growled at SpongeBob)... What if I am? Are you a stool pigeon for the pigs?!

SpongeBob: "Dai, I, I, uh, I, I met your brother at the DMV!"

Reagan: "...... (Looks back at Max)....... THAT'S, the getaway driver?"

Max Rover: "(Gulps)...... Yes Brother. He's SpongeBob....."

Reagan: "...... Did you REALLY, have to bring a notoriously childish and idiotic walking wad of Swiss cheese, into MY HIDEOUT?!"

Max Rover: "For, for what it's worth, I, I had him helped out in a heist!"

Lead Chihuahua: "I back Max on this, boss. Guy's great at being a getaway... He wasn't crazy for us firing back at the coppers admittingly, especially when SOMEBODY BROUGHT A ROCKET LAUNCHER OUT, (The 6st Chihuahua huddled in shame), but he was good at what he does!"

Reagan: "....... (Annoyed) Max, you seriously, brought a NON-CRIMINAL HERE?!"

Max Rover: "I, I promise, this is a temporary arrangement! He's only gonna be with us until-..... I get him a license......"

Reagan: "....... YOU SERIOUSLY PROMISED HIM THAT?! ANY FAN OF THIS IDIOT'S SHOW KNOWS HE'S A LOST CAUSE!"

Max Rover: "Reagan, please, he's already this far in, it's too late for take backs, and, I owe him too much! I promise, this is a temporary arrangement....."

Reagan: "...... (Growls) Fine. Maybe he'll be useful for our aim against bad drivers in some way. BUT HE BETTER BE ONLY FOR UNTIL YA DO GIVE HIM THAT LICENSE! I will hold it AGAINST YOU IF YOUR FANBOY ATTITUDE DOOMS US ALL!"

Max Rover: "Reagan, brother, you, have my word on it. It'll be over and out and it'll be like he never even showed up. You won't notice."

Reagan: "..... Good.... (At SpongeBob) Well you little Omega, to answer your question more, civilly, yes, I'm Reagan. You've met the Rat-Dog Pack, and this guy is the Frozen Kids Treat Man."

SpongeBob: Frozen Kids Treat Man?! Give me some ice cream, gimme, gimme, gimme!

Reagan stared annoyed at Max at this, of which Max facepalms in some embarrassment....

Max Rover: "..... To be fair, it was never promised that SpongeBob was mature in any canon of the show...... For as much as all episodes feel like they're in a void as the series never took canon so seriously and just makes something up for the sake of the plot and/or joke!"

Frozen Kids Treat Man: Well, I would love to, but that's usually for after our jobs. Besides, I'm doing the street gang gig on the side. My real job is sort of hanging by a thread right now. There was an incident. It all started one summer afternoon. I was making my rounds...

Frozen Kids Treat Man:..... I think I may've developed a fear of kids after that.....

SpongeBob:...... I'm sorry, but is your background story literally not dissimilar to a Robot Chicken sketch?

FKTM: "I KNOW! I HAVE ALOT OF PEOPLE MAKING FUN OF ME FOR THAT! I came to hate Robot Chicken for making light of my trauma!"

SpongeBob: "Calm down, calm down... I know you may be afraid of kids right now, but surely there was a reason why it happened."

FKTM: "Well, okay, it was a particularly hot summer when it happened, and I had to take a lot of detours from my usual rounds, so, there was that."

SpongeBob: "Well why the need to be a criminal if you perfectly knew you were a victim of circumstances?"

FKTM: "(Sighs sadly), Trauma makes ya do regrettable things, kid. Before you ask if I did anything awful though, no! There's being afraid of kids and then there's being an unreasonable monster! Also even then I became too terrified of kids to even WANT to try anything! So, I'm kinda here cause of having an existential crisis. But, thanks for the talk..... Oh ya know what, cause you're such a pal, (Pulls out a vanilla ice cream in sprinkles), On the house, Sponge!"

SpongeBob: "WOOOO?! (Immediately sucks the ice cream and cone in like a vacuum, surprising the gang)!..... Ahhhhh! That hit the spot!"

FKTM: "...... NOW THAT'S SOMEONE WITH AN APPITITE FOR ICE CREAM! (He and Chihuahuas cheered for that!)!"

Chihuahua #7: "YA GOT A GREAT ONE HERE, MAX?!"

FKTM: "Yeah I respect this one! He may not be much for crime, but he's a great listener!"

Lead Chihuahua: "AND a good getaway driver!"

SpongeBob: "Well, I have to ask, why are you chihuahuas involved? I figured a guy like Reagan wouldn't be quick to-"

Lead Chihuahua: I know what yer gonna say, that Chihuahuas don't look much for crime life? First of all, kid, try not to judge books on the cover, learn to really READ them, will ya? Secondly, Reagan DID used to be like that till me and the gang pulled off some daring heists to even Tricorn's most organized banks! As for the que pasa? My partners and I were part of a clown act, but we quit after losing a cartload of cousins, being ran over by cars. This time, it's personal.

SpongeBob: "Well I'm sure it's not like there was intent to harm your cousins by those other cars, or their drivers."

Lead Chihuahua: "I know I know, Max says that ALL the time! Maybe it was just bad karma those things happened, but, me and the gang just take family seriously, ya know? But hey, talking to you is therapeutic, and even if Crime ain't in your taco bell, you're fine by us, kiddo."

Reagan: Now there's only Techwagen. He was absent cause he had to do a personal job for me. He should be here any minute with the package. In fact, he should be here working on our magnum opus. A revolutionary machine that'll change the world of motor vehicles forever. But for safety reasons since you're not exactly in our line of work, I won't say too much!

FKTM: "So, how exactly did Max find you, kiddo?"

SpongeBob: I accidentally destroyed the local DMV trying to pass my driving test.

Lead Chihuahua: No kidding, man. I seen the show, you're like, the failure student of Mrs. Puff!

SpongeBob: Yes... I failed over a million times.

Reagan looked at him as if he had an awful idea.....

Reagan:.... Rovers, quick huddle?! (The Rage Rovers huddled up and whispered among themselves and SpongeBob is visibly confused; after a while, the huddle stopped) Kid, how would you like to be a Rage Rover?

SpongeBob: Wait, actually, I'm sure Max said this was temporary-

Reagan: Yeah, yeah, I know, you're taking a test from my brother Max. But, I'm under the impression that maybe I was too sour. In my defense, I flunked obedience school, so clearly I'm no social butterfly.

SpongeBob: "But that's the thing, I'm a sponge, not a dog."

Reagan: "Okay take a step back, kid, I know we're criminals, but we're NOT racists! Yeah the member pool is, primarily canine, and yeah I get the naming convention doesn't fucking help matters, but that doesn't mean we wouldn't welcome, a sentient, kitchen sponge, into the group if ya got the chops for it. And frankly, ya did fine enough being able to dodge the infamous Freelance Police if what the Chihuahuas say is true about them being a headache now."

Max Rover: "So, you're giving him a chance, brother?"

Reagan: Well, within caution, Max. (Back at SpongeBob) If he can get you that license, I'm sure you'll be a great driver for us. What do you say... Sponge-Puff?

SpongeBob: It's SpongeBob.... But, okay then, but on the grounds we do these things more morally.

Reagan: Oy. So essentially you're another Max. You're lucky your decent job as a getaway helps me ignore that. Otherwise, deal. I respect hard bargainers. (The German Shepherd, Techwagen, runs in)

Techwagen: Hey, guys! I brought in the original Motor Destroyer back!

Reagan: Hehehehehehehehe, I'm glad for my baby girl back! And just in time for plans for the highway I happen to have! (Chuckles).... Time for your first lesson, kid.

SpongeBob: (Kinda uneasy) Um, yay?

## Chapter 3: SpongeBob and the Rage Rovers

(Back at the police station...)

Dominator: Okay, so, what should we do first?

Bernadette: Well, obviously, we need to find a lead on the Rage Rovers and see how we can deal with them.

Bullman: So, the first part of the plan is to figure out where they're going to strike next. (A gun shot is heard)

Chief Blood: Sam and Max, no shooting in the station.

Max the Rabbit: "(Chasing a cockroach) TELL THAT TO YOUR VERMIN PROBLEM, CHIEFY?!"

Sam: He's got a point though, Max. These brick walls aren't like the plaster walls we have back in our office. We were just lucky that was a blank. At least, I think it was.

Max the Rabbit: Ah, other Universal laws are complicated. (The phone rings)

Sam and Max: I GOT IT, I GOT IT, I GOT IT, I GOT IT, I GOT IT! (Sam gets it)

Sam: Hello? Sweet hot apple cider on the coldest winter days! We're on our way! (Hangs up) That was dispatch. The Rage Rovers have been spotted approaching the highway, ready to strike. And in the middle of the work rush!

Chief Blood: "(Quietly) Reagan, you fucking cliché."

Axel: Sounds like those mutts plan to take a violent road trip!

Chief Blood:.... Then let's cancel that plan! Move out!

### The Highway Dogs Strike Again

(At a parking lot near the highway...)

Max Rover: Okay, SpongeBob, are you ready for your first lesson?

SpongeBob: I am ready, but I don't know... (Zoom to the outside of the car where we see assorted weapons on the sides, monster truck tires, and a crusher in front of the grill) Don't you guys think that whatever you're planning to do, would make it, too obvious?

Reagan: Sponge, it's our entry that's gotta be covert.

SpongeBob: But isn't attaching weapons to the car sort of... Illegal?

Reagan: Hey, you want my brother to give you that license or not?

SpongeBob: No, no, I want that license!

Max Rover: Now start the engine... (The engine starts) And what's next?

SpongeBob: Uh, I, uh, FLOOR IT!

Max Rover: "Wait, wait, wait, wait no-no-no-no-no-no-no-"

Reagan: Awww, yeah! (SpongeBob floors it all the way to the highway where they're clearly boxed in)

Max Rover:..... In one hand, the fan in me is glad to experience it, but my rational side won't stop reminding me of how dangerous that was.

Reagan: Hehehehehe, guess I'm taking over, since this is MY car! Now lift the crusher. (The crusher is lifted and they slightly move forward) And press the button.

SpongeBob: Why, what does the button do?

Reagon: Well, why don't you find out for yourself? Unless ya want me to ask brother to give a deduction. And by the way, he's very peculiar about deductions.

Max Rover: "Could you please not stress him like that?!"

SpongeBob: Okay... (He presses the button, and the grill opens up to reveal a rocket launcher that blows up the car in front of them, cartoonishy sending a family in the car flying while charred as collective Goofy Screams were heard) FLAPPING FLOTSAM, WHAT DID I JUST DO?! (The people in the other lanes exit their cars and run in a panic)..... I blew up a car!

Reagan: We know! Now let's go!

SpongeBob: I hurt a family! I sent people in a panic!

Max Rover: "SpongeBob, I'm so sorry, but Reagan told me that it would've been a no go if you completely knew-"

Reagan: Who cares?! The man of that family was known to park illegally anyway?! Now drive!

SpongeBob: I have to turn myself in!

Reagan: Are you nuts?! The cops will be here any minute!

SpongeBob: But nobody said anything about- (Reagan grabs SpongeBob by the collar)

Reagan: Drive this car through the highway right now, or you'll be the fall guy for the Rage Rovers, and forget about that driver's license Max promised you! (Growls)

Max Rover: "WILL YOU STOP USING ME AS AN INTIMIDATION TACTIC?!"

SpongeBob: Okay, okay! (SpongeBob plows through the highway, crushing cars along the way and sending people running while the cars behind them are backing out in a frenzy as the officers see the frenzied cars drive out of the highway)

Sam: There they are!

Max the Rabbit: And those must be the maniacs in charge of the attack! It's very easy to tell cause of how unsubtle their car is.

Chief Blood: How are we gonna catch up to them?

Bernadette: Leave this to me! (Uses the apparatus in her car to get it into flying mode)

Dominator: Aww, yeah! (Bernadette's car flies toward the highway)

Max Rover: (Sees the flying car headed toward them) TWO OF THE EXPLODERS?! Oh, dear, this could complicate things.

Bernadette: (Through loudspeaker) By order of the United Universal Police Department, via by a non-member, you are under arrest!

SpongeBob: Let's just turn ourselves in! This is insane!

Reagan: Keep driving, you bastard!

Max Rover: "DON'T, YOU, DARE CALL HIM THAT?!"

Reagan: "MAX, CAN YOU NOT?!"

Bernadette: Dom, I'm gonna get down to the road and get them to pull over! Signal Sam and Max, and they'll take care of the rest! (She lowers her car to the driver's side as close as she can)

SpongeBob: Please, officer, you gotta help me! These people are forcing me to- (Dominator rolls down the window with a shocked look on her face)...... DOMINATOR?!

Dominator: No... Freaking... Way. (Bernadette looks over)

Bernadette: SpongeBob?!

SpongeBob: "BERNADETTE, DOMINATOR, I KNOW THIS LOOKS BAD, BUT YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME-"

Reagan: Now's our chance! (Manages a cheapshot on Dominator and Bernadette and knocks them off the car) Pull out of the highway while we sort this out! (The crusher car pulls out of the highway)

The CruIsers stop the chase as Bernadette and Dominator got up...

Dominator: "...... Ooooookaaaaaay, either SpongeBob is trying to go anti-hero and helping crooks on the side now, or he ended up trusting a deceptive douche and got wrapped up in something he doesn't wanna get involved in."

Bernadette: "I'll give poor SpongeBob the benefit of the doubt and go for the latter..."

(Later...)

Chief Blood: (on the TV) The UUPD is on the verge of a controversial case involving the street gang known as the Rage Rovers. Their most recent strike was on a local highway. Although there were no casualties, miraculously, cartoon logic or not, and the victims are alive and well, we must bring this gang to justice at all costs. Which is why effective immediately, I am sending out all available officer on a search for any criminal activity involving them, while my main team will focus on catching them. (Max Rover turns off the TV)

Max Rover: This is an outrage! You insulted a character I loved since puppyhood, and dragged him into something he clearly wants no part in!

Reagan: You brought him in first!

Max Rover: "Because I was hoping he would be too child-like to notice! HE CLEARLY DID NOTICE AND WASN'T SHY ON CALLING US OUT! HE LOOKED AT ME AS IF I PURPOSELY DRAGGED HIM INTO A BAD PLACE! HE LOOKED LIKE I BETRAYED HIM! YOU, (Cries a bit), YOU MADE MY PUPPYHOOD IDOL HATE ME?!"

Reagan: "Ya kinda brought that to yourself, Max! He OBVIOUSLY had no sense of crime in him! CLEARLY HE HAS NO ABILITY WITH THE GANG!"

Max Rover: "I wasn't TRYING TO GET HIM INTO THE GANG! YOU ORIGINALLY DIDN'T WANTED THAT TILL I ASSUME YOU LIKE THE IDEA OF THE FACT HE'S AN INFAMOUS FAILURE OF MRS. PUFF'S THAT YOU WANTED TO WEAPONIZE HIM AGAINST BAD DRIVERS!"

Reagan: Well, if it makes ya feel better, he wants NOTHING to do with this work anyway! He's not cut for it! Ya shouldn't've introduced him to the gang!

Max Rover: It was MEANT to be temporary!

Reagan: No shit why that's the case. He's dead weight.

Max Rover: "So I am more then glad to tell him that we're taking the lessons out of the gang's way and-"

Reagan: BUT... Without him, the people out there will never learn.

Max Rover:...... REALLY?! EVEN AFTER WHAT YOU SAID?! Or is this REALLY ABOUT WHAT I KNEW ALL ALONG, THAT THIS IS JUST FOR YOUR PERSONAL BEEF FOR THOSE THAT MAKE BAD CHOICES IN DRIVING?! HE'S BEYOND NOT UNAWARE OF THIS AND CLEARLY DOESN'T WANT CONTINUED INVOLVEMENT?! And for as much as the gang warmed up to him, they understood this and won't hold him against not wanting to be with them! They already got that he has no criminal bone in his, albeit literally boneless body! Depending on contradicting episodes admittingly- BAH, BESIDES THE DAMN POINT! I mean, he's just not vicious! He's too lovable and sweet, and almost unofficially Nickelodeon's Mascot equivalent to Mickey Mouse to Disney! His childlike innocence is clearly not compatible for someone like you!

Reagan: Yeah, but I think it's important to have a fresh mind in the group.

Max Rover: No, no, no! He clearly wants no part of it and I owe it to him to do REAL driving lessons, I'm obligated to such as his fan! (Reagan grabbed Max forcefully) ACK?!

Reagan: "... I'd argue you have a greater obligation as my brother to stick to the plan, than for you to try and appease a man-child wad of Swiss! And don't think you can play the brother card out of me removing you from life permanently, if ya don't play along! GOT IT?! (Max had no choice but to concede, and continue things Reagan's way) (Reagan lets go, satisfied to make Max adhere to him) As I said before... We'll give him, one, more, chance..."

(Meanwhile...)

SpongeBob: (Was comferted by the Chihuahuas and FKTM, who gave SpongeBob an extra big ice cream) I don't think I can go through with this.

Chihuahua Leader: "Yeah, we won't hold it against ya for wanting to leave, amigo. Ya either have it or ya don't."

FKTM: "But we appreciate your company all the same."

Techwagen: Well, I wouldn't worry about it. I see crime like wine. The taste sucks, but eventually ya have no choice but to go back for more as society nags you for even doing it at all. I mean, just look at me. I have a flying car, and I never have to worry about accidents. (There's a pause, then he sighs) But to tell you the truth, flying cars are the reason I joined this gang. It started when I was cruising with my family...

Techwagen: "Before ya say anything, YES, I KNOW MY BACKSTORY FELT LIKE A ROBOT CHICKEN SKETCH! I'D SUE THOSE GUYS MAKING FUN OF MY WOE LIKE THEY DID IF NOT FOR THE WHOLE, "I'M A CRIMINAL" THING!"

SpongeBob: Well, I wouldn't have blamed her. Child endangerment is not good.

Techwagen: (Sighs) Yeah. I get that nowadays.

SpongeBob: "Wait, please don't tell me this is going where it-"

Techwagen: Hey now, that is NOT the case at all! (sighs) My Wife left me in a divorce for unrelated reasons and took the kids, AND MY ORIGINAL FLYING CAR! So, out of divorce-caused rage, I made a new one and got with the Rovers....... Wow, you are as therapeutic as you say.

SpongeBob: Thanks..... So, how did you come up with the name Techwagen?

Techwagen: I was good with machines before I was married, though I still work in my dad's parts shop on the side. But, Rage Rover is another story. (Max Rover and Reagan arrive)

Max Rover: SpongeBob, I wanted to apologize for today.

Reagan: Yeah, we talked it over and decided all that carnage was a problem on an educational level.

Max Rover: That's right, and I'm going to make it up to you, starting tomorrow.

SpongeBob: (Deadpan) You are?

Max Rover: (Uneased by SpongeBob's clear disappointment in him)... Absolutely. I'm going to teach you how to drive by myself so you can use today's knowledge to become a better driver. The longer you drive, the more experience you'll get, and the more points you earn to pass my patented "Anti-Rage-Rover" classes. So, what do you say?

SpongeBob: Well... If it means I don't have to endanger anyone else, I suppose I could stick around.

Max Rover: (Sighs in relief) Thank goodness, it means, so much to me you said that.

Reagan: "Well I'm getting involved in there too to judge ya as whether or not you're suited for continued stay with the Rovers. I half-hate wanting to waste your potential cause of incompatibility."

SpongeBob: "Max, does he have to-"

Max Rover: "It's, his car, to be fair."

SpongeBob: "..... Okay fine, BUT NO HURTING PEOPLE, EVEN IF THEY MAKE QUESTIONABLE DRIVING CHOICES?!"

Reagan: "Okay fine, fair enough ya spoilsport. (Quietly) Gonna take me awhile to mold this cheese into a proper crook."

### Crime Spree or Reckless Driving?

(The next morning...)

Bullman: All officers are on the lookout for suspicious activity, sir.

Chief Blood: Very good.

Bernadette: This doesn't make sense! Why would a street gang as dangerous as the Rage Rovers take SpongeBob under their wing?

Dominator: Maybe they have plans for him?

Bernadette: What makes you say that?

Dominator: Come on, you saw how terrible he was at the DMV! Maybe the Rage Rovers saw his driving and-

Max the Rabbit: Wait a minute... Rage Rovers... Like the Range Rover, the big Jeep! I just got it! (Laughs crazily, then he stops)... Oh right. Your friend's in a bit of a bad spot. I feel inappropriate laughing at that.

Sam: "That's a rare statement from you, Max."

Dominator: Anyway, maybe they want to use his reckless driving as a weapon against the madness of road laws and busy traffic.

Bernadette: "...... That doesn't seem well executed in hindsight."

Dominator: "I didn't say they were brainiacs for doing it, just said that it was their idea."

Bernadette: "Well that and, I feel like, there's something more to it."

Sam: Well, it's something to look into as we go on. For now, what Dominator said is enough for me to understand. As someone who has known someone who is guilty of reckless driving, I wouldn't put it past them.

Max the Rabbit: Sheesh, you total one car and bend one parking meter beyond repair, then you never hear the end of it.

Officer Axel: That's why you two are not official cops. You'd be a political nightmare! (Quietly) And we have enough political nightmares as is, especially on the racial issue side of things. (Openly) Back on topic, I don't know about weaponizing, but dispatch got a call about a reckless driver causing panic downtown.

Dominator: Well, to catch a reckless driver, you gotta think like a reckless driver.

Bernadette: Oh, no. No. No, NO, nonononono- (Cut to Dominator driving her car haphazardly down the road as the Desoto follows behind) AHHHHHH!!! AND I THOUGHT MYTHOSHY WAS THE HIGHLIGHT OF ME GETTING INTO NEEDLESSLY INTENSE SITUATIONS!

(Meanwhile...)

SpongeBob: (He's causing panic in residential areas with his driving) I'm driving, Mr. Rover! This is the one! This is the one! Come on, SpongeBob! Think! Think! Uhh... (Destroys a skyscraper) Turn that way! Turn that way! D'oh! Turn that way! Right! Left! Oh no! No! I'm ready! I can do it! I can do it! [Flies over a raised drawbridge and lands on the road]

Reagan: (Now visibly scared) I've seen enough, SpongeBob! Pull over so we can evaluate you!

SpongeBob: Wait, I can do this, Mr. Rover! I can do this!

Reagan: Stay on the road, SpongeBob, stay on the road!

SpongeBob: Gotta pass the test! Gotta pass! (He smashes through various buildings and plows through a playground area, miraculously not harming any children but rather placing them in comedic spots of the ruined playground)

Dominator: (She catches up with SpongeBob) United Universal Police, plus me and Bern, pull over, punks!

SpongeBob: Bernadette and Dominator! I'm glad to see you guys agai- (Popping sounds are heard) AHH! They're shooting at us!?!

Max the Rabbit: Sorry, that was us, and not even from the guns! (The DeSoto catches up, the engine sputtering) The DeSoto's seen better days! That said... Freelance Police, pull over and come out with your hands up! (SpongeBob bum-rushes a tall parking garage and flies off the top floor, Reagan screaming all the way)

Reagan: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! WHERE DID IT ALL GO WRONG?!

(Present day)

Reagan:... I can't help but feel that a lot of us are based on robot chicken sketches..... This said...... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (The car ends up crashing into an empty football field, where it crashes onto the seats, then tumbles until landing upside down on the field, and the three crawl out)

Max Rover: (He and Reagan groan) Are you two all right?

SpongeBob: That depends, did I pass?

Reagan: That depends. Bro, can I see you in the locker room for a second? (The two brothers walk away as Dominator, Bernadette, Sam and Max just came in)

Sam: Fear not, citizen. You're safe now.

Bernadette: SpongeBob, are you all right? How many fingers am I holding up?

Dominator: You're not hurt, are ya?

SpongeBob: Nah, one of my better driving tests.

Axel: "ONE OF YOUR BETTER?!"

Dominator: "Yeah, trust me, the dude would do WAY worse. Just ask the ruins of the UUDMV. (Bernadette facepalmed as Axel stared blankly)"

Bernadette: "Don't worry, I'll keep to my promise of withholding the patty wagon till SpongeBob gets a proper license even MORE now."

SpongeBob: Hardy har, girls. Just waiting for my-

???: THAT IS THE LAST STRAW, MAX! (The group heads to the locker room and listen in on the conversation)

Reagan: This is not working out! Having him around is not working out at all!

Max Rover: Reagan, look-

Reagan: That stupid retard is out of control!

Max Rover: Okay, first of all, don't call him a retard, that's a very politically incorrect insult-

Reagan: He's terrible at everything except fast food!

Max Rover: I know that! But I was LITTERALLY GONNA OFFER I TAKE HIM OUT OF THE GANG'S WAY TO DO THE LESSONS RIGHT, BUT YOU INSISTED ON-

Reagan: But then you know what? It's not fair to him.

Max Rover: "..... (Angerly) OH NOW YOU FINALLY GET THAT?! ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU DON'T WANT HIM AROUND?! YOU, YOU MORON?! YOU NONSENSICAL SELF-SERVING DOUGHEBAG OF A DOG?!"

Reagan: Hiring him for his terrible driving is not fair to him.

Max Rover: if you want to kick him out, go ahead and kick him out! But don't pretend you're doing it for his benefit! I, owe him an actual lesson on driving and that license!

Reagan: Don't you put that on me! Don't act like you're the spawn of Annabelle from All Dogs Go to Heaven here! You brought him to me FIRST! YOU BROUGHT HIM INTO THE GANG BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO LIVE A PERSONAL FANTASY WITH THAT YELLOW NIGHTMARE AND YA DRAGGED THE GANG INTO IT AS A RESULT! I AT LEAST WAS STRAIGHT UP AGAINST HIM UNTIL IDEAS GOT INTO ME ABOUT HOW HIS RECKLESS DRIVING WOULD'VE HELP OUR CAUSE! I'll admit I could've been smarter about wanting to use that, BUT IT'S BESIDES THE POINT?! He's leaving the group by choice. Not even by choice, he's leaving for his lack of criminal knowhow and more importantly, his lack of driving skills. And even then the cops and those two PTE Bimbos are gonna drag him out anyway! (Dominator cracked her fists at hearing that but Bernadette, while equally insulted, stopped Dominator and mouthed "Wait for the finale", which Dominator pouted in reluctence and annoyence)

Max Rover: "Why must you ALWAYS DRAG ME INTO YOUR PERSONAL PROBLEMS AND PUT ME INTO SO MUCH WOE! MUCH LESS EVERYONE ELSE! (Cries) You, you EMBARRASSED ME IN FRONT OF MY IDOL!"

Reagan: Ya kinda injected THAT Heroin needle of PAIN into yourself, bro! And that's another thing! I can't help but to give you crap about all this! AND FOR GOOD REASON?! It's just... You know, I feel like I have captured lightning in a bottle with the gang's war on bad drivers-

Max Rover: "YOUR WAR YA MEAN! YOU DRAGGED ME INTO IT AFTER YOU GOT OUT OF PRISON! THE OTHERS ONLY CAME TO YOU CAUSE THEY WERE BROKEN AND CONFUSED!"

Reagan: I GAVE THOSE SAD SAPS PURPOSE! I molded them into something BETTER! But I obviously can't do it to the cheese-boy! It's difficult trying to mold you as is, BUT HIM?! I have a great thing aiming to rid the world of incompetence on the roads, highways and parking lots alike! And he's just coming in, unscrewing the top of that bottle I mentioned, and letting the lightning all out!

Max Rover: "...... Just, take it easy on him, he's been through enough-"

Reagan: No, promises. (Comes out) Oh, SpongeBob. I see your friends are here. Well, tell them they can take you straight home. Because you FAILED!

SpongeBob: I failed?

Reagan: YES, YOU FAILED! You failed the test, you failed all my bro's guidelines, you failed at listening to clear instructions, and you failed at everything except your so-called Krabby Patties! You're a bigger failure than all the students he'd ever failed before, and if not for my criminal status, I'd report your insane behavior to the highest authority in all of the United Universes, Senator Tricorn! But lucky you, I CAN'T! But what does it say about you, IF EVEN SOMEONE LIKE ME CRITICIZES YOU?! Now, I hate ALL bad drivers equally, I normally don't pick favorites in the least bad or hate espeically bad ones even more, they ALL suck in my book, but WOW! YOU MAKE EVEN PEOPLE WHO STEAL HANDICAP PARKING SPACES, LOOK LIKE SAINTS FROM THE VATICAN! In fact, as long as brother is under the employ of the United Universal Department of Motor Vehicles, I'll make sure that HE sees to it that you never come within a hundred miles of any motor vehicle ever again! (Storms off as Max Rover stared in shock....)

SpongeBob started to whimper and shed tears.......

Max Rover: "...... (Tries to get to SpongeBob) SpongeBob, please, I'm sorry, I, I never should've brought you to him, please, I legitimately wanted to help get you your license, you're, you're my ido- (Dominator armored up and blocked his way)....."

Dominator: "(Armor voice) OKAY, MR. FANBOY?! Even if ya didn't mean it, ya brought SpongeBob into more crap then he was ALREADY prepared to deal with from that DMV! YA BASICLY MAY HAVE TAINTED HIS NAME IN THE UNITED UNIVERSE COMMUNITY! NEITHER QUI-QUI OR TRICORNY WOULD GIVE HIM A BREAK OVER THIS! SO DO EVERYONE A FAVOR, AND BUZZ OFF! ([Punches Max Rover away as he smacked into the ground, got up scared and began to run away, whining like a sad dog and crying as he ran, as Dominator stared until he was out of sight, then powered down) (Normal voice) Some fan."

Bernadette: "It may had been that he couldn't help with his position, Dom. It looked like he felt legitimately bad about it."

Dominator: "Yeah well, a real fan wouldn't have drag their idol's name into crap. That's all I'm gonna say. (SpongeBob bursts out crying)"

Max the Rabbit: Oh, I can't stand to hear the poor guy suffer. (Pulls out a bag of earplugs) Earplugs, anyone?

Sam: ".... I can't help but feel that in a cosmic sense that what you did is in poor taste."

Max the Rabbit: "Maybe that's our dimensional connection to our same-name SAF Counterparts talking. They're with the Lodgers, I hear. Maybe we should try being in a hero group."

Sam: "I'm not sure if I'm as adventurous as our twins, Max."

Axel: "....... WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE, DID WE SERIOUSLY LOST OUT ON CATCHING THE ROVERS-"

Dominator: "THE FINALE WILL ADDRESS THAT LATER!"

## Chapter 4: The Final Rage-Filled Road Trip

(At the UUPD)

Officer Axel: (SpongeBob is still crying) WILL SOMEONE, PLEASE, SHUT HIM UP?! WE HAVE TO INTERROGATE HIM!

Dominator: I GET THAT HE'S HAD A BAD DAY, BUT HE'S BEEN GOING AT IT FOR A FEW HOURS!

Max the Rabbit: Thank God I can tolerate seeing a grown man-child cry! Oh, now my connection's giving me flack!

Bernadette: SpongeBob, calm down! It's going to be all right! YOU'RE DEHYDRATING! (SpongeBob stops crying)

Officer Axel: (Sighs) It's about time. ALRIGHT CHEESEBOY, OUT WITH IT- (Bullman shoves Axel away)

Bullman: The Sponge has suffered enough aggression, Axel! Now, Mr... Squarepants, is it? I need you to stay calm and tell everything you know about your time with the Rage Rovers. Can you do that, son?

SpongeBob: You're not my dad. (Shows a picture of his father) This is...

Bullman: "...... Oy."

Bernadette: "AHEM! He was asking if you can tell us about what it was like with the Rovers. Can you, do that?"

SpongeBob: Yeah... I'll do my... best.

Bullman: Tell us how you come across them.

SpongeBob Well, it all started when I was waiting outside the DMV, when Max walked up to me and offered me a chance to get my license. Then he led me to the Rage Rovers, who offered me a membership if I helped them-

Sam: Get rid of all things wrong with road travel? I think we get the picture from here, little buddy.

Dominator: Yeah, but why would a street gang go to extreme measures over stupid traffic, or things as stupid as being crappy at driving? Being a crap driver's not a matter of good or evil, and there's nothing to gain from this other then personal gripes! They're just looking like assholes at best, vehicular terrorists at WORSE!

???: Because it's what their leader wants. (Chief Blood rolls in)

Chief Blood: Tell me, did you happen to meet their leader?

SpongeBob: Well... Reagan was the leader... It looked like he was the alpha there.

Chief Blood: Reagan... The original Rage Rover. "Renegade" Reagan Rover...

Dominator: "You KNOW that asshat?!"

Chief Blood: He... Was my first big bust.

(Flashback)

(Chief Blood): It was a Jewish holiday. Everything was quiet when traffic cameras caught an image of a vehicle that had been modified, like something out of them Mad Max movies.

(Dominator): That's what I said!

(Chief Blood): Anyway, at first, we thought it was photoshopped, but one photo had a clear image of the license plate number on it. We traced it back to his house, and we set up a perimeter. I pulled him over on his morning shift, I asked him about the car, he told me it was a friend's and that he modified it for him and drove off. We set up a barricade and tried to cut him off before he could get to the highway, but then... (Reagan's modified car crashes into the barricade, and car parts were flying everywhere) The crash left me crippled, broke Reagan's arm, took his foot, injured two of my colleague cops, and killed my chief.

Young Reagan Rover: (He's lying on the pavement and looks at the carnage) D'OWWWWW, SHIT?! STUPID SEATBELTS NOT DOING THEIR JOB?! Wha... What happened?!

Officer Blood: (Dubbed as Joe) You just ran over three cops, you bastard! I don't know what you've done to that thing, but I'm impounding it!

Young Reagan Rover: You'll have to drive after it first! (They crawl toward his modified car, but Blood was fast enough and reached for the car door before Young Reagan) DON'T TOUCH MY BABY! (He felt that he was pinned suddenly) GAH! NOW WHAT?! (It turned out he was handcuffed as backup came and took him away)

(End flashback)

Chief Blood: Reagan could've gotten the chair that week, but before that happened, an anonymous donor bailed him out. Vanished without a trace since. Originally, I figured he skipped the planet... But he was still here all this time...

SpongeBob: Oh Neptune...

Max the Rabbit: Yeesh. Pretty intense for a guy whose backstory is literally a Robot Chicken Sketch.

Sam: Yeah, if that doesn't spell criminal, I don't know what does.

SpongeBob: Don't worry, guys, I regret everything I did for those guys.

Dominator: "Well no necessary promises it'll keep Tricorny and Qui-Qui off your back, but-"

Bernadette: "(Shoves Dominator) It's good enough for us."

Bullman: Do you happen to know where their hiding place is?

SpongeBob: "...... Yes."

(At the Rage Rover's hideout)

Reagan: (He's seen talking on the phone) It's me, Renegade Reagan.

???: YOU IDIOT! I heard you fired your latest member!

Reagan: Well, yes, Don Mastiff, I fired him, but-

(Don Mastiff): Well, what'd you fire him for?! I heard all about that carnage, and you fire him?! Explain to me how you came to the conclusion that this would've been member wasn't a permanent one of YOUR gang!

Reagan: Well, he turned out to be a TDFOG.

(Don Mastiff):... What?

Reagan: It means too dangerous for his own good.

Max Rover: (Shouts into the phone) It was SpongeBob Squarepants! He joined the gang cause I promised him that we get him a license! Reagan didn't even WANT HIM AT FIRST TILL THEN HE HEARD THAT HE WAS BAD WITH MRS. PUFF, BUT THEN TURNED AGAINST THE IDEA CAUSE HE WAS TRYING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT THE WRONG WAY! HE'S AWFUL FOR THIS!

(Don Mastiff): Mrs. Puff's Failure Student? He failed that boating test over a million times!

Reagan: "OH THANKS A LOT MAX?! (At Phone) But you see my point sir-"

(Don Mastiff): THAT'S STILL NO EXCUSE! Reagan, I bail you out, clean you up, tell you what's what, then leave you to your own devices, only to let me down by saying you couldn't weaponize the EPITOME OF VEHICULAR MANSLAUGHTER?! UNBELIEVEABLE! Now you perk up those ears, and perk 'em good. I want you on your way to my mansion on Loner's Island as soon as one of us hangs up the phone. All you BITCHES better drag your-

???: UUPD, PTE, AND FP! DON'T MAKE A MOVE! (Max and Reagan see the heroes holding the Rage Rovers at gunpoint)

(Don Mastiff):..... All right, that's it! You are fired, Reagan! And on top of that, the two of you are gonna have to start- (Reagan crushes the phone in)

Reagan:.... Amos Blood. The hound that put me in the pound... Not a reunion I wanted to happen.

Chief Blood: Feeling's mutual when I was sure you'd get the chair for what you did. I'm here to take you in, like I should've done long ago.

Bullman: You already did that the first time, sir.

Chief Blood: "..... (Sighs), Ya see why I need to retire, Bullman?"

Reagan: Well let's just say the Big Dog made the warden an offer he couldn't refuse, got my tail outta there.

Chief Blood: So, Don Mastiff is still gettin' work, huh?

Reagan: HEY, YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSE TO KNOW THAT!

The rest of the gang showed up with Techwagen.

Reagan: Good. I trust it means the mech's ready... Boys, fetch! (The gang did nothing) Huh? What the-... I SAID FETCH!

FKTM: "We heard what you said about us AND that rant to SpongeBob!"

Leading Chihuahua: "I loved my cousin as does my pals loved theirs, but no amount of power fantasy is worth putting up with you anymore now that ya treated SpongeBob like garbage! Neither of our cousins would've wanted this from us anyways!"

Techwagen: "Added note... (Pulls out a detonator) SAY GOOD BYE TO THE ROBOT! (Presses a button as a silo exploded)"

Reagan: "NOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY MAGNUM OPUS!"

Max Rover: "YOU INJECTED THIS HEROIN OF PAIN TO YOURSELF, BROTHER?!"

Reagan: "....... YOU WILL ALL PAY FOR THIS! (Makes a run for it)"

Dominator: After him!

Reagan: You won't stay alive for long! (Presses a detonator and kept running away)

Officer: What is that?

Frozen Kids Treat Man: It's a bomb!

Officer Axel: We gotta get outta here!

Dominator: "BETTER YET! (Finds the bomb and smacks it with a pipe like a baseball bat at the running Reagan as it hits him and both he and the bomb flew as Reagan screamed)!......"

Chief Blood: "Well... That's one way to put down a bad dog."

Max Rover: "...... The road rage ends, brother......."

Bernadette: "Uhhhh, where, do you think he'll end up?"

Elsewhere, at a Mansion on an uncharted island.

Don Mastiff was seen angrily pounding his desk!

Don Mastiff: "GRRRRRRR?! THOSE STUPID ROAD MUTTS ARE GONNA COST ME MY SPOT ON THE MAFIA ALLIENCE FOR THIS! THE BIG T HIMSELF WILL NOT FORGIVE THIS! WHY DID I EVER THOUGHT INVESTING IN THAT STUPID IDIOT WAS A GOOD IDEA- (Reagan crashed through the office and crashed onto Don Mastiff's desk)."

Reagan: "D'OOOWWWWW, FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! WHAT HAPPENED NOW?! (Looks to see the bomb as does Don Mastiff)........... Oh Wolf."

Don Mastiff:... Oh, wolf, indeed! I'm out! (Runs out of the office as fast as he could)

Reagan: Get back here, Don! Don't leave me! It'll never happen again! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Back to the group, they saw the distant explosion!

Axel: "........ That, looked like Reagan landed in Loner's Island."

Chief Blood: "..... I have a gut feeling that Mastiff won't be a problem again either. We effectively decapitated the Mastiff Mafia's leadership. They won't survive long without him... I call this a great way conclude my place here."

(Later.)

Bullman: (As the remaining Rovers were being cuffed) Take 'em away, Mulligan... For good this time!

Techwagen: "Fickle hand of justice still arresting us even when we ditched Reagan. Good deeds truly don't go unpunished."

FKTM: "Can't be helped, TW. We still got involved with him."

Lead Chihuahua: "Me and the boys didn't even got named in this episode."

Max Rover: "Wait, I just wanna say something... (At SpongeBob) SpongeBob... I'm sorry... For everything... Can you, ever forgive me? (SpongeBob closed his eyes, as Max Rover looked away sadly, but then SpongeBob gave Max Rover a Krabby Patty, surprising him)

SpongeBob: Just, promise me you and those other guys will start being good noodles for now on, okay?

Max Rover: "(Whimpers but now happy) Thank you... Thank you. I pray we'll be released early, for good behavior. (Was given the patty as he cried)"

Techwagen: "(As Max was taken in) Max, I know Tricorn-Katras isn't gonna be fun, but it can't be THAT bad!"

Max the Rabbit: Well it's no trip to Candyland from what I heard of it, that's for sure. The SAF version's no better, believe me. (The prison car drives away with the Rage Rovers)

Chief Blood: Guess that means I can finally rest easy, now that the Rage Rovers are in jail.

Bullman: This was a great crime bust, Chief. Permission to drive you home to your wife?

Chief Blood: Permission granted... (Throws his chief hat on one of Bullman's horns) *Chief* Bullman.

Bullman: Chief...? Oh, Amos! (Hugs Chief Blood, then a crack is heard) Sorry!

Chief Blood: Officer Wattson, for my last order, Bullman's your superior now, so what he says goes.

Officer Axel: Yes, sir.

Bullman: (Puts the chief's hat on and salutes) I won't let you down, sir.

Sam: Another job well done.

Max the Rabbit: Yeah, though I would've liked a bit more carnage. (A nearby pay phone rings)

Sam and Max: I GOT IT, I GOT IT, I GOT IT, I GOT IT, I GOT IT! (Sam gets it)

Sam: Hello? Yes? Hai? Oui? Si? Da? Ja? Nein! Nyet! Non! No! Wait, yes? Great tap-dancing tabby cats two-timing a cross-eyed calico with a pernicious princess with a penchant for animalistic aggravation! We're on our way! (Hangs up) That was the commissioner, Max.

Max the Rabbit: Commissioner Quidilin wants us to do another job?

Sam: Nope, it was our commissioner. Guess it's back to business as usual.

Max the Rabbit: It's about time. (The Desoto drives off)

Dominator: Guess that wraps up this adventure. A little bit shorter than I'd like, and I would've liked to have been more involved, but with budget cuts like this, what are you gonna do?

Bernadette: You got that right, Dom. Good thinking using the bomb against Reagan like that. What do you say we meet up with the others and see what awaits us next?

Dominator: Yeah! But first, let's drop SpongeBob off for some of those Krabby Patties.

Bernadette: And this time, I'M driving. (All three of them laugh)

## Epilogue

Quidilin's office

The entire event was replayed for review by some wizard associates of Quidilin as she watched the thing unfold...

Quidilin: "...... I've seen enough. (The Wizards stopped and left)......."

Tricorn and Xena entered the office.....

Tricorn: "Qui-Qui, darling, I consider you as my gal-pal, but, YA KINDA PUT THE INITIATIVE IN AN AWKWARD POSITION INVITING THE PTE DUNDERHEADS INTO HELPING LIKE THAT!"

Quidilin: "Don't worry Senator, Bernadette and Dominator barely even contributed that much apart from, Reagan's non-trial sanctioned execution, and it was insisted that the Rage Rovers are bound to your prison only. So don't worry about Bernadette being able to cheat away villains from you for that silly "Rivalry" you claim to have."

Tricorn: "...... Okay fine, BUT WHAT ABOUT SPONGEBOB-"

Quidilin: "I would like to be fair to him and believe his involvement with the Rovers was, an example of his, less then intelligent nature. He never approved of the actions done, and even brought out those mutts to rethink their lives."

Tricorn: "..... Oh. Well okay then, guess the worst I'll do is just exile him to only ever get a license from Ms. Puff then. She may as well be his keeper for all I care, after what he did to my beautiful UUDMV!"

Quidilin: "You may have to replace some members though, especially Dr. Eyesore and Max. Max for obvious reasons, and Eyesore, for his "Collection"."

Tricorn: "Oh believe me, THAT MUTATED GIRAFFE IS ON MY LIST NOW?! I just wanna know, WHY EVEN DRAG BERNY AND DOM-DUMB INTO THIS?!"

Quidilin: "Because, Senator... (Gets up and faces the window, getting a victorious smile) I had ensured that outside of that silly feud or whenever they get off dimension, I have been able to install myself as someone they have to answer to whenever something of concern like those mutts happens again. I effectively made it that you and I control the Explosioners. They will answer to us from now on. And for you, that means Tricorn-Katras will get more prisoners."

Xena: Oh-kay, and what do you get out of it other than making sure those morons don't just walk into business not related to that Void Garbage or if it's off Dimension? (Quidilin quietly pulled out a picture of herself with the egg that became Cynder)

Quidilin: Something, personal of what I had been denied off... (Sheds tears) For too long...

Tricorn: "Uh, Qui-Qui, (Xena catches what was going on), Are you, crying?"

Xena: Uh, Senator, I feel like, this is the commissioner's alone time now. Besides, we have other busy things to do as is. (Tricorn sighed and proceeded to leave then Xena looks at Quidilin) Commissioner... I personally pity you, sincerely, and unironically. (Leaves)

Quidilin: "(Softly cried) Cynder... I miss you... (Clutches the picture and cries)

Uncle Grandpa's voice: Uh-oh! This scene's too sad! Let's brighten up the epilogue on a lighter note! (Suddenly the scene was pushed away by the next one)

(At the Krusty Krab...)

Dominator: (She's seen tearing into a Krabby Patty as the other PTE eat with her) MMMM-MMMMM! No wonder Plankton wanted to take over the world with Krabby Patties! These, things, are, so, good!

Buttercup: Real shame that the people here are addicted to them.

Chowder: (Schnitzel is seen shoveling whole piles of Krabby Patties into Chowder's mouth) Yeah, I could come back for a while!

Bernadette: Hey, SpongeBob, are you sure you don't want me to teach you to drive more carefully?

SpongeBob: Are you kidding? Mrs. Puff is the only driving teacher for me. Well, that and that Tricorn lady banned me from ever trying to get a license outside of Bikini Bottom again. But thanks for getting the Patty Wagon back... (It was seen partly digested), But she might need a heavy revamp before we can use her again... Besides, the UUPD has agreed to drop the charges against me for aiding and abetting dangerous criminals, if I do them a favor.

Dominator: And what's that?

SpongeBob: A year of driving lessons!

Mrs. Puff: (Overhearing the conversation) (Quietly) Hmm, maybe those Rage Rovers aren't so bad after all.

Amethyst: Yo, SpongeBob, another big order, to go! (A gigantic envelope drops into the Krusty Krab) That's a big to-go bag.

Chowder: Wait. I recognize this.

Mung Daal: What's the Postal Beast doing all the way from Marzipan?

Postal beast: Well, I got a promotion delivering mail for UUPS. I only deliver the big mail, and you know what that means.

Steven: Uh... Big mail means... (gasps) Big news!

Postal beast: You know it, Steven! See ya! (Walks off)

Pearl: "....... DO I EVEN WANNA ASK WHAT THAT WAS?!"

Mung Daal: "Let's just say our canon show was wackier than your canon show, and leave it at that."

Bernadette: Let me take a look. (Reads the giant letter) "Punch Time Exploders, you are cordially invited to oversee production of the first Punch Time Exploders movie."

Darwin: Wait... One of our adventures is going to be a movie? We better order tickets in advance!

Pops: Good show, everyone! Jolly good show!

Bernadette: "The producer has approved of your movie pitch, and will agree to it if you help with a movie starring his favorite actress."

Bubbie: Well, I say we go for it!

K'nuckles: But we don't even know what adventure of ours they're adaptin'.

Chowder: (Reads further) Wow, this IS big news! They're adapting our adventure with Shrek!

Dominator: What?! I mean, not that Shrek's World is very obscure, apart from that in this Canon that Dreamworks Universe apparently isn't as well documented as SAF, but I will say that apart from us and Rodney, the only other ones who would know about this are- (Realizes something as her pupils dilate)...... That, furry, orange little overly-happy son of a... (View of the planet) WAAAANNNNNDEEEEEERRRRRRR!!!

Bernadette's Voice: (Sighs) Cancel the to-go order.

Uncle Grandpa: "(Pops in) Feel better about that prior scene now? You're welcome. (Goes away in time for the ending title to appear)."

**End.**