Col. Firesnuff

Colonel Firesnuff, self-proclaimed Adventurer and Veteran of Over Fifty Lethal Engagements, is one of the main characters in *Tally Ho* and appears often in *Cakes and Ale*. He often boasts about his time in the service. Fiercely competitive, he may thwart you in many ways. He takes great pride in his yak, Yasmina.

He is a close and old friend of Aunt Matilda.

## Physical Appearance

He is an older gentleman with a military bearing, with a swagger stick. He has gray muttonchop sideburns and an army officer's uniform, festooned with medals, including one reading "Colonel Firesnuff, for Valor Beyond Measure."

In his portrait at the Rowdy Roustabouts' club, he is depicted as a robust young man in full military uniform with epaulettes, on horseback, pointing a cavalry saber at a terrified-looking ostrich.

## Belongings

### Boxing gloves

They are ancient-looking leather boxing gloves, much frayed, and caked with what appears to be dust, or ash, or possibly gunpowder.

### Knife

It is a service knife which has 'Firesnuff' engraved on it. There is just the barest hint of what looks like speckles of blood between the serrations, but it may be a trick of the light.

He was award it for valor, bravery and courage.

In Chapter 5, he is using it to trim his fingernails.

### Medallion

At the match, he is wearing a golden "Chief Judge" medallion around his neck.

## Tally Ho

Colonel Firesnuff takes a first-class seat on the train to Ritornello. He attempts to buy the coveted hairstick for Primrose before the Servant can. If you follow him at night, you can discover that he works for Dr. X, publishing romance novels under the pseudonym Fifi Buttercup. Firesnuff has published more than nine novels under this pseudonym. He is prepared to publish a shocking tell-all book based on Aunt Primrose's youthful indiscretions. At the Harvest Festival, he competes in the boat race and the Exotic Animal show.

## Cakes and Ale

### Chapter 5

If the Jolly Good Person agrees to help Marmaduke by breaking into his car, they can ask Col. Firesnuff to borrow his knife.

### Chapter 6

Col. Firesnuff appears as head judge (and opponent) in the boxing and dining match. He will be pleased if the Jolly Good Person returns the knife and very offended if they do not.

### Chapter 7

If the Jolly Good Person did not return Col. Firesnuff's knife, they will receive a letter of complaint at the Noble Gases' clubhose, saying that if the Jolly Good Person wants a knife so badly, he will "give [them] a knife in such a way that [they] will not appreciate it." If the Jolly Good Person returns his knife, he will say that they can borrow his knife again any time.

### Chapter 8

The Jolly Good Person receives an angry letter from Col. Firesnuff threatening legal action if they do not return his knife within the next forty-eight hours.

If the Royal Adventurers' Brigade becomes the sponsor of the Noble Gases club, he will visit the clubhouse.

## Stories (their veracity remains unclear)

### Amazon rain forest

He had his own experience with bad manners in the Amazon rain forest.

### Bayonet used in Qatar

In late 1916, he was in the city of Al Wakrah in Qatar.  Twelve fellow soldiers had died on the march and he was out of bullets, with only his bayonet standing between him and death.

### Captured near Rawalpindi/Jawa

He learned to box when his entire company was captured ten miles from Rawalpindi. He fought his way to freedom single-handedly through an army of scimitar-wielding whirling dervishes to an unclear location. That day he was a one-man army, mostly because he was the only survivor. That was the day he developed his leaping left hook.

He later returned that very night to take revenge upon the natives with a fresh company. He ambushed them by jumping out of a mighty jujube tree. However, he lost the entire company again, and only escaped through dint of having fallen from the tree into a gully, on account of being blinded by rage.

### Fighting in the Caliphate of Omdurman

He used to have a logistics commander who tried to correct Col. Firesnuff when they were fighting in the Caliphate of Omdurman. He said that we didn't have enough provisions or water for another week's march. There was enough provisions and water for Col. Firesnuff who survived but the whole company was lost in the desert.

### Foxhole

He survived where three score artillerymen did not by knowing how to use a foxhole. As such, he was awarded his knife.

### Guided tour in the mountains of Nepal

A foolish native scout took him and his company directly into an avalanche in the mountains of Nepal. They were all sealed in icy tombs for hours. Lucky he had his pickaxe with him and a good supply of dried horse meat for nourishment. He was the sole survivor of that expedition, but managed to plant his flag atop that peak nonetheless.

### Know your enemy and your protégés

According to Col. Firesnuff, all too often one's protégés become one's enemies. He used to have a junior officer who was clearly bucking for promotion, and Col. Firesnuff took him under his wing. However, he later caught him helping himself to Col. Firesnuff's navy beans one ill-fated night in the barracks. There was a duel at dawn and a single shot.

### Lending his knife

A captain once borrowed his knife and would not return it in a timely fashion. Col. Firesnuff was forced to deal with him in a harsh manner.

### Meal at prince's palace in Madagascar

He witnessed a traditional meal in the prince's palace in Madagascar, where he was the guest of honor. There was a terrible poisoning at that meal and he barely escaped with his life.

### Pursued by strafing Fokkers

He led his team through a minefield at dusk, while they were being pursued by strafing Fokkers.

### Separated from his unit in the Gobi desert

A brigand skirmishers assailed him when he was separated from his unit in the Gobi Desert. He was able to fend them off with a tent peg and a ladle, and the battle was short and decisive. At the time of the attack, he had been without food or water for a month, living only on the blood of vultures which he caught using traps he crafted from scorpion stingers and barrel cacti.

### Sixteenth regiment

He led it forward to untold glory and an unfortunate minefield.

### Wild dogs tracking him

He claims that wild dogs are tracking him ever since Algiers, when he killed their alpha pack leader, in a battle for dominance. He was stripped to the waist, bleeding from hundreds of bites and scratches, not having eaten for nearly a month after escaping from captivity, his whole unit dying of dysentery. He fought that pack leader to the death and that pack of wild dogs rightfully became his. However, they refused to knuckle under, and ever since they have been working with Col. Firesnuff's enemies.

## Firesnuff Code

He made it up. It says that "a [person] in need of a knife must receive one."