Episode 46: Smile

https://globehell.libsyn.com/

## Episode Summary

"Smile sweetie" is something non-smiling women are told to do by men. Sexist! But what if smiling is truly beneficial for all people? What if you could live longer and last longer? And what if your non-smiley frowny face sends you straight to hell? Turn your frowned lips off and turn your smile up...

## Idea Details

* Idea: Mandatory smiling
* Creator of idea: Drew
* Purpose of idea: There's small smiles and there's big smiles. And they're not all created equally! A small smile, Josiah, means that you're gonna die young, and if you - a big wide smile means that you're gonna live for a long time. And the great thing about smiling - (Josiah: "And if you don't smile, you're allowed to be shot dead in the street.") Well, I haven't said that. (Josiah: "Yet. So what kind of smile do you have?") I have a non-showing smile. (Josiah: "Is it circumcised?") Which is something that - well, it's something that I've been working on um - and I'll get into my own smile, I think, in a little more detail in a bit, um because I'm working on having k- reconstructed uh - or deconstructed - constructed *and* reconstructed - but that's not really for now, that's for later in the episode, and I don't know why you would have tried to get me into that so quickly, so just know your place and shut the fuck up. (Josiah: "So what's your point? Smiling is - here's Drew's big uh leftist political commentary: smiling is nice. Oh that's great.") Well no, it's not just that it's nice, Josiah. It's that it makes us healthier, it makes us live longer, uh it's psychologically good for us! When you start to smile more, you become happier, and there's proof of that!
* Timetable: Mandatory smiling will start now, as more people are getting vaccinated and taking off their masks.
* Idea details:
	+ It will be mandatory for everyone to smile in all public spaces. This will make it so women do not need to complain about being told to smile because everyone will be told to smile.
	+ There will be an enforcement procedure in place to ensure people cannot get away with not smiling in all public spaces.
	+ If someone sees a woman who is not smiling, they will say, 'Smile! Smile! Smile! Why don't you smile? Smile more!'.
	+ There will be less mental illness in society, which is a 'I' word. There will instead be mental wellness, which is a 'we' word.
	+ There will be a commercial for mandatory smiling that talks about going to a coffee shop to get a 'grin' tea.
	+ It will not be required to smile 24/7 because people need to rest their faces and let their mouths hang open for a few hours because it's hard to smile.
	+ All police officers will be out-of-work comedians from now on, who will be designated smile officers who harness the power of the smiles and go around enforcing smiles in public. They will carry a card that says 'Smile, sweetie' on it or a large placard with a silly picture of something like a monkey on it.
	+ It will be harder to commit crimes if you're smiling, although this could also lead to an uptick in hybrid criminals who smile because they commit crimes, which is a classic chicken-and-egg scenario.
	+ If you put a pen in your mouth to make you smile more, your dick will get permanently bigger.
	+ If you put a pen in your mouth to make you smile more and then your smile starts to droop a bit, the pen will shock you.
	+ In order to have a smile-based society, we need to get rid of the people that make us frown. There will be a system to eliminate the frown-causers and reward the smile-causers, whereby the frown-causers will be shot in the head.
	+ If you smize, you're gonna get shot and executed in the street. The same goes for if you don't smile.

## Devil Play

* Josiah played quick devil by pointing out that if smiling is so important for making us live for longer age, then using that same technology that we're born with in our miraculous faces would make it so that frowning actually deages you and allows you to become younger, because if smiling ensures that you get older and older, then surely turning the smile upside-down would make you become deaged.
	+ Drew, after being temporarily stumped, responded to say that the only thing that gives him pause is that there are so many grumpy old men, including an entire franchise of films based on them. If those men were truly grumpy and frowning all the time, then they would be very young.
	+ Josiah pointed out that actors aren't real.
	+ Drew agreed but noted that it's based on a real thing and that there do exist grumpy old men. He listed one example: Josiah Hughes.
	+ Josiah clarified that Drew was talking about the TikToker named Josiah Hughes, though he is in fact very young.
	+ Drew stated that he was talking about this Josiah, not the TikToker.
* Josiah played devil by pointing out that some of the greatest smilers of all time, like Robin Williams, had depwession.
	+ Drew interrupted to point out that, while he may have been very funny, his characters like Mrs. Doubtfire were troubled men not happy men.
	+ Josiah said Mrs. Doubtfire was a woman.
	+ Drew said Mrs. Doubtfire was Daniel the entire time.
	+ Josiah revealed he had only seen the middle third of *Mrs. Doubtfire* so he didn't know what Drew was talking about because Mrs. Doubtfire was the mother.
	+ Drew said Mrs. Doubtfire was certainly not the mother and asked if Josiah had even seen *Mrs. Doubtfire* and called him a 'fucking idiot'.
	+ Josiah repeated that he had only seen the middle part.
	+ Drew yelled that Mrs. Doubtfire is still not the mother in the middle part.
	+ Josiah said that Wobin Wiwwiams had depwession.
	+ Drew insisted that if Josiah were to look and watch *Mrs. Doubtfire* to learn a little bit about it, Josiah would see that Mrs. Doubtfire is a sad character.
	+ Josiah interrupted to say that Mrs. Doubtfire is a beautiful woman.
	+ Drew insisted that Josiah should not talk about a movie if he doesn't know the fuckin' first thing about it because Mrs. Doubtfire is never the mother.
* Josiah returned to his hypothesis that frowning makes you age backwards, asking if they had just completely gotten rid of it.
	+ Drew confirmed that had moved on from it because it was a terrible idea.
	+ Josiah asserted that there was something to that idea.
	+ Drew repeated that he didn't think so.
	+ Josiah pointed out that Drew said, 'I don't think' and agreed with that sentiment.
	+ Drew said he knows that Josiah doesn't think.
	+ Josiah said Drew doesn't know anything because he doesn't think.
	+ Drew said he does and he knows a lot of things, like that Josiah is an idiot.
	+ Josiah told him to name one.
	+ Drew asked, 'Name one?' and then said, 'Two'.
	+ Josiah was upset and impressed because this correctly solved his puzzle.

## Notable Events

* Josiah and Drew discussed starting a marijuana-themed bakery in lieu of continuing Globe Hell Warning anymore. It will be called Get Baked Goods. The logo will be Drew holding a turd and smoking it like a cigar, which represents Josiah.
* Drew can be heard smoking marijuana and gulping hot coffee.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "ULTIMATE HEADPHONE TEST !!! (Wear Headphone)" to help the audience warm up, since they have already previously mastered the art of conversation. The audience was instructed to listen to the video with headphones and not speakers while sitting on the toilet in case the video makes them have to shit. Josiah and Drew continued this lesson by watching a video called "1-Minute Audio Test for Stereo Speakers & Headphones". Josiah and Drew continued this lesson further by watching a video called "Dolby Presents: The World Of Sound | Demo | Dolby Atmos | Dolby" while listening to siren effects. Josiah and Drew continued this lesson even further by watching a video called "ASMR sweet, sticky, wet mouth sounds...that long liquorice", which Josiah intended to listen to for the duration of the episode until Drew complained.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "The hidden power of smiling | Ron Gutman" about some surprising results from studies about smiling, such as that your smile can be a predictor of how long you'll live and that a simple smile has a measurable effect on your overall well-being.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video about putting a pen in your mouth to smile and the emotion of smiling. Josiah and Drew tried to cheer up a bit by both putting pens in their mouths to force them to smile.
* Josiah and Drew listened to a song about smiling on a bright sunny day.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Why We Find Smiles So Attractive" about how smiling is an intrinsic human behavior, yet, nevertheless, not all smiles are authentic.
* Josiah and Drew discussed summer penis, which is not cheugy.
* Josiah and Drew discussed cheugy.
* Josiah and Drew watched a clip from the movie *Mrs. Doubtfire* and discussed some of the movie's plot points.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Tyra Banks Teaches Drew the Art of Smizing" about Tyra Banks walking Drew through the art of the "smile" and introducing her new smile cream and Drew and Tyra solidify their newly-minted friendship.

## Notable Quotes

### Josiah

* "[In response to Drew's question about whether he knows how to bake] I know that you know how to bake. Uh your brains. With the marijuana."
* "So you wanna start kind of a marijuana-themed bakery with me? I don't know how to bake and I don't really believe in marijuana, but I could probably help with the business side. Not that I know much about that but I could probably figure out how to get TurboTax."
* "I was excited to do some wordplay with you that now I'm not gonna do cause you're calling me a big piece of shit again. I was gonna say something about smoking weed and how baking is kind of a form of smoking wheat cause you're heating it up. And now I'm not gonna go - now we're done! So let's just do another fucking episode of this goddamn show."
* "I'm just pullin your uh cock right now!"
* "[In response to Drew saying he doesn't interrupt Josiah like Josiah does to him] Yeah, cause you're sof- you're a soft weakling! You're fuckin soft!"
* "[On the topic of a potential Globe Hell Warning live show] Well I doubt you're gonna see me again because I'm not planning on uh going into the Calgary sewer anytime soon and looking for a pile of human excrement that's been fashioned into the shape of a hole."
* "[On the topic of how to sit on your own mouth] Well yeah, you would know how to do it cause you're always looking up the self-suck videos."
* "[In response to Drew saying it's disgusting to listen to a woman eat sweet, sticky, long liquorice] So now you dictate what women can eat?"
* "[In response to Drew asking if he had seen who Bill Gates was palling around with] Drew. You. He was with you. Drew. Bill Gates. Drew Epstein."
* "TED stands for 'The Epstein, Drew'."
* "[In response to Drew mentioning there are different types of smiles around 21 minutes into the episode] Wouldn't know. It's been a long time for me. It's been quite a long time. I would say it's been about 21 minutes since I last smiled."
* "And if you don't smile, you're allowed to be shot dead in the street."
* "I mean, whatever you're about to get into, I guess w- that's a good point, is that by actively saying things and doing things and tweeting things that are incredibly unfunny and disappointing and frustrating, you're basically helping kill people by making them not smile."
* "You're trying to kill me again! You're trying to kill me by not being funny."
* "The smile emotion. So you - if you smile, then you experience the emotion of smiling."
* "[In response to Drew's question about what makes him smile] Uhhh really twisted, fucked up things. Animals being injured."
* "'Illness' is an 'I' word, and 'wellness' starts with 'we'. So we need to go from 'I' to 'we', and do it all together and then we can go from 'illness' to 'wellness'."
* "It is honestly hard to murder if you're smiling."
* "So you're saying that the reason that people's giant swingin' horse dicks have never been mentioned in their obituaries is that they just haven't - people with huge big ol' fuckin' danglers just haven't died yet and that's why it's never been mentioned in an obituary?"
* "What if it was the Millenial Falcon? It is the Millenial Falcon um and instead of Han Solo, his name was uh Pinterest Depop."
* "Wobin Wiwwiams had depwession!"
* "But I also do think that if we had implemented mandatory smiling earlier, we probably wouldn't need the vaccine. Because if you - because it's - I think there's something I think I read or saw or dreamt or something, but I think that if your mouth is - if your mouth is in a smile formation, the uh illness can't s- it - it - it see- it comes out of the c- upper crevices of your lips - like it seeps out when your - when your ah- when your - when your mouth is like this, the - the upper uh crevices of your - the diseases just seep out of the top corners of your lip. So if you're - if you got a straight face, it's trapped, but if you go like this, the diseases will come out of your ch- under your cheeks. Is that true?"
* "What delights you, Drew? Nasty porno, probably."

### Drew

* "[On the topic of their soon-to-come bakery alternative to Globe Hell Warning which will be called Get Baked Goods] And then like it would have our logo which would be me, and I'm holding uh something that represents you, uh which is a turd and I'm smoking it like a cigar."
* "Well I let you get that entire bullshit sentence out instead of interrupting you, like you did to me, and I can't even remember - (Josiah: "Yeah, cause you're sof- you're a soft weakling! You're fuckin soft!") Well I'm not gonna keep being soft! I'm gonna start hitting you in the fuckin head with a hammer! Every single time I talk to you. If I see you in person, I'm gonna hit you with a hammer. That's a - that's - I promise you this. This is a threat of physical violence. If I do see you again. If we do a live show, the first thing I'm doing is poppin you in the nose."
* "Hang on. Are any of these sounds gonna make us shit our pants? Should the listener be going and sitting on the toilet to do this? Pullin their pants down, sitting on the toilet. Just in case they need to -"
* "Maybe *you* should sit on the toilet. I don't know how you'd sit on your own mouth because that's - what's coming out of your mouth is uh shit from the toilet."
* "This is a bit like when we traveled back in time! We traveled back in time and we saw some dinosaurs, and we - we did a lot on that episode and I hope that we uh we'll do a lot on this episode. Maybe not go back in time. But maybe we'll do some audio tests."
* "[In response to Josiah saying he had read that it would be best for them to listen to ASMR mouth sound videos for the duration of the episode] Well I don't think - I think - I don't think that's gonna happen. Cause I have stuff that I wanna get into, Josiah, and we're not gonna watch your fucking disgusting uh disgusting porno movie of whatever thi- 'ASMR sweet sticky' \*gag cough\* just reading \*gag cough\* reading \*gag cough\* reading - reading the uh ugh - reading the title's mak- \*gag cough\* don't Josiah! I'm gonna throw up! \*gag cough\* Don't play the video. It's too gross! 'ASMR sweet, sticky, wet mouth sounds...that long liquorice' - disgusting, Josiah!"
* "There's small smiles and there's big smiles. And they're not all created equally! A small smile, Josiah, means that you're gonna die young, and if you - a big wide smile means that you're gonna live for a long time."
* "I have a non-showing smile. Which is something that - well, it's something that I've been working on um - and I'll get into my own smile, I think, in a little more detail in a bit, um because I'm working on having k- reconstructed uh - or deconstructed - constructed *and* reconstructed - but that's not really for now, that's for later in the episode, and I don't know why you would have tried to get me into that so quickly, so just know your place and shut the fuck up."
* "[In response to Josiah's question about why people were laughing in the video that they were watching] I don't know, Josiah. I don't know what they're laughing at, and that's - I'm finding that kind of disturbing. Because I talk all the time and nobody laughs! And he's just talking about the different types of smiles there are."
* "There are grumpy old men. Josiah Hughes is one of them. (Josiah: 'No, that - he's really young. The TikToker.') Well I'm talking about you. Cause you're old and you're grumpy."
* "[Speaking with a pen in his mouth] \*unintelligible\*."
* "[On the topic of turning 'illness' to 'wellness'] And the way to do that is with a smile. Turn 'willness' to 'well-' turn - turn 'illness' to 'welln-' mental - turn mental illness into mental wellness with a smile."
* "I wish I could go to the coffee shop and order some 'grin' tea."
* "I don't get smiled at a lot."
* "[In response to Josiah saying he had only seen the middle third of *Mrs. Doubtfire*] Have you even seen *Mrs. Doubtfire*, you fucking idiot?"
* "If you were to look and watch *Mrs. Doubtfire*, and to learn a little bit about it, and to see that Mrs. Doubtfire is a sad character - don't talk about - don't talk about a movie if you don't know a fuck- the fuckin' first thing about it, because Mrs. Doubtfire is never - is never the mother."
* "You are so dumb."
* "Look! He - sh- he - she said 'cheugy'!"
* "You've really li- yeah, you've really lit your own tits on fire if you haven't got - if you have- if you're don't believe in the damn vaccine."
* "[In response to Josiah saying he would be crucified for causing too many smiles by haters like Drew] No, you would be crucified for - for causing too many frowns! You pro- probably wouldn't even be crucified, it takes too long, you'd probably just be shot in the head! That's probably what we'll do with the frown-makers."
* "K, I'll think about nasty porno."
* "Yeah, I'm watching a staged porno. Impressive blocking."