The War of Pickles I

A pickle soldier

The War of the Pickles was a war between the Derplings and pickles. It only lasted one day, but the effects of the war were stupendous; the pickles suffered a total defeat. The population of pickles went down devastatingly (in total, ninety-five percent of the pickle population was killed off).

The War of the Pickles is famous because it was the first and only war against the pickles. The pickles were once a seemingly neutral species but had revealed its intentions and possible explanations as to missing Derplings.

## History

### Causes

The intentions of the pickle massacres are unknown, and it is not even known for sure if pickles were the cause of the missing Derplings; however, it has been observed by military officials of the Derp Army that the amount of new missing Derplings has gone down ninety percent since the Pickle Army's defeat.

In the past, pickles have refused status as a Derp ally; thus, they were immediately under suspicion; when Derplings started to go missing, suspicion aroused even more. The pickles were known for violence against other species in the name of pickle supremacist the Supreme Pickle. The Supreme Pickle seems to have cloned himself in a similar fashion to that of the first human.

The only known cause of the war is when a Derpling named "BitterEqualsSweet" was eating a jar of regular pickles (not the conscious variation). It was soon discovered that the pickles were expired on purpose—the Supreme Pickle was trying to poison the Derp species! DerpyMcDerpell immediately rushed the fellow Derpling to a hospital, but the pickles seemed to have altered the Derpling's mind; the Derpling still wanted more of the poisoned pickles. The Derpling had to be kept contained in quarantine.

### Beginning of Combat

Immediately after learning about what was to come, DerpyMcDerpell  sent a wave of WWPs to Pickland. Pickland's capital was the main target, and DerpyMcDerpell ordered the WWPs pilots to release tsunamis of maple syrup in the streets of the capital. The effects were devastating; the maple syrup rising to the top floors of many skyscrapers, even completely consuming them in one bite. It seemed like an instant win for the Derplings, but it soon became evident that the pickles have been planning for a long time.

The Supreme Pickle soon rose from Pickle Palace, laughing madly as he read from a piece of parchment, holding a large microphone to his mouth. His voice soon boomed throughout Pickland. "Hear me!" he shouted. "We are under attack; the day has come. Kill all Derplings in sight and head to the Derpy Dimension using the secret portal! All pickle soldiers must go to the Derp Castle *now* and destroy it!"

The Derp Castle was and still is one of the single most crucial parts of the Derpy Dimension today. DerpyMcDerpell had no choice but to redirect all of the Derplings back to the Derpy Dimension to defend Derp Castle. The Derp soldiers flew into their portals to travel back and protect what needed to be protected.

In the streets of Pickland, it was chaos. The maple syrup flood was taking many of the evil pickle's lives, but the streets were almost more green than brown. Pickles chanted their national anthem and held up Pickland flags high, shouting and boasting of their glimmering, sharpened weapons. The maple syrup, however, had already taken ten percent of the pickle population, and none of them were wealthy enough to afford the aircraft the Supreme Pickle was using.

### War at the Derp Castle

Derplings and pickles met at Derp Castle. Derp soldiers readied their weapons as pickles began to fire. Lord Cat was being attacked by a mutated pickle that caught him in its mouth. A fellow Derpling immediately flew a cookie razor–equipped WWPs through the evil being's neck, slicing its head off and releasing Lord Cat. Lord Cat strategically assembled a flank of Derplings armed with Muffin Tanks and fired at the Supreme Pickle, who was floating above the chaos and laughing.

As explosions erupted underneath, DerpyMcDerpell called Hagridling. Hagridling was a Derp version of Hagrid and could actually do advanced magic. Hagridling launched a Blasting Curse at the Supreme Pickle's aircraft, causing it to spin out of control and crash. Hagridling then Apparated away to fight incoming pickles. DerpyMcDerpell took no risks and flew his GWP towards the Supreme Pickle. The Supreme Pickle immediately attempted to fight him; he squirted stinging pickle juice at DerpyMcDerpell, and DerpyMcDerpell was injured.

Below, Derplings were still fighting. A Derp soldier threw several knives and took out four pickles, and Jammy Turtilla was throwing razor-sharp nachos at nearby pickles. The Derp Castle was being held up well, and it was barely damaged. The pickles were about one hundred metres from it. Jake had transformed into some kind of giant robot and was crushing pickles with his bare feet, firing missiles in every direction.

DerpyMcDerpell and the Supreme Pickle were still fighting. DerpyMcDerpell managed to strike Supreme Pickle with what is fabled to be the sassiest slap in the multiverse. DerpyMcDerpell swiftly summoned a maple syrup geyser underneath the Supreme Pickle, knocking him unconscious instantly.

Rex had taken on his true form—he had become a Noobasaurus Rex! He chomped on pickles and used his magical powers to send annoying friend requests to every pickle on the battlefield. The notifications distracted them so much, Arthur was able to release his latest technology on the pickles. He released a barrage of explosive potatoes on the pickles, killing many.

Skillfully, Zach wielded his famous Banhammer. The Banhammer struck multiple pickles, causing them to be immediately banned from life. In the meantime, Sam was distracting a lot of pickles by forcing them to watch anime. When the time came when they were all entranced, he swiftly bit all their heads off with his fangs. At the same time, Nihn was sending fat pandas rolling off a large hill. The fat pandas crushed many pickles, setting the stage for a major loss for the Pickle Army.

### The Ransom

As the Pickle Army was being defeated without any chance of escape, DerpyMcDerpell hauled the Supreme Pickle over his back and dragged him into the deepest dungeons of Derp Castle, locking him into a secure room from which he could not escape. After chaining the Supreme Pickle to a guillotine made of cookies, he once more sassily struck the Supreme Pickle across the face.

The Supreme Pickle woke up, looking around himself. A camera was now in his face, and the skies of the Derpy Dimension lit up with the camera's vision. The Supreme Pickle was forced to read a script. "I, the Supreme Pickle, am being held hostage. The only way you can save me is by retreating. RETREAT, PLEASE! *MOMMY!*"

Since the last part wasn't necessarily part of the script, DerpyMcDerpell slapped him across the face again, this time with even more sass; however, this angered the Pickle Army even more. The Pickle Army ignored the fight and ran straight to Derp Castle. Fifty million garrisoned troops came out of the castle and fought. DerpyMcDerpell decided not to use the guillotine; instead, he brought in his pet dog Kenny, who ate the Supreme Pickle slowly and painfully on camera.

### Aftermath

The last bit of the Supreme Pickle was chomped up. DerpyMcDerpell watched proudly as the Derplings defeated remains of the Pickle Army, the last of them retreating back to Pickland. The last pickle left was captured and put in the local zoo.

Lord Cat was recognized as a hero and immediately promoted to Derp General, one of the most prestigious ranks of the Derpy Dimension. The Derplings gathered to visit BitterEqualsSweet at the local hospital; however, they were gone, and a Derp soldier came running in, bursting through the doors and shouting about seeing them escape into the Pickland portal.

It is still rumoured today that BitterEqualsSweet is still brainwashed and has crowned themselves the "Supreme Pickle II". It is unknown if they plan to come back and attack Derp Castle, hoping to achieve the same success as her predecessor wished for.

The War of the Pickles signified two things: the end of the Supreme Pickle and the death of a once-mighty regime. It also set a sticky note in history reminding other species that the Derplings would never be defeated; however, it would not be long before the humans would attempt a similar attack.