Matt Shultz VS Laura Bell

**Matt Shultz VS Laura Bell** is the 3rd episode of UMDTOTC DEMO and is the 24th episode overall! It features the lead singer of Cage the Elephant, Matt Shultz, up against the prostitute, Laura Bell, in a battle in reference to the Cage the Elephant song, Ain't No Red for the Wicked!

**Battle Length**: 2:53

## Dissers

All played by Bob-crust!

* Matt Shultz
* Laura Bell
* John Dillinger
* Pope Alexander VI
* Jared Fogle

## Lyrics

*[Matt Shultz is in Dark Yellow, Laura Bell is in Light Red, John Dillinger is in Cyan, Pope Alexander VI is in Dark Red, and Hared Fogle is in Green!]*

### **Matt Shultz - Verse 1:**

I’m Shultz, my raps will shock you, ‘cause they’re Cold Cold Cold!

I’m not scared of some potato-munching prostitute who’s 200 years old!

Hey Come a Little Closer and listen In One Ear, ‘cause you’re in big Trouble!

Wasting yourself and dignity for some cheap cash? That’s stupid, not to blow your bubble!

I’ll have to Back you Against a Wall to tell you that you’re not hot, yo!

Usually that diss means nothing, but that was your job! You Seymour dogs than Angelo!

(Oh!) I never thought I’d see such a depressing b\*tch Right Before My Eyes!

A revivalist preacher was the same who paid to suck franks for her life? (Eww!)

### **Laura Bell - Verse:**

Do you know who you’re messing with? I’m the Queen of London Wh\*redom!

But, the only thing my beautiful self gains from your sh\*tty songs is boredom!

You’re Broken Boy who doesn’t know what he’s doing!

Looking sixty at age thirty ain’t no good thing!

I’ll b\*tchslap you so Belfast, you won’t see it coming!

Your weak\*ss probably has to go mental therapy just for c\*mming!

Might have done dirty work, but now I’m doing it for Jesus!

While you’ve got puny wimps, I got kings watching me do my job, yes!

I got fame and fortune and I didn’t need to spend a dime!

‘Cause what I got is right here, I got famous off my body and rhymes!

£250,000 for one night me? Now that’s what I call a deal!

So get your Tiny Little Robots walking out of here, the winner of this battle is sealed!

### **Matt Shultz - Verse 2:**

Let me Shake you Down, down town, we don’t got time to Mess Around!

While you got watched by creepy shaggy’s and ruggers, I got a fanbase that’s bound

To be able to defeat this witch! But, I’ve had enough of you b\*tch!

So, let me continue to walk down the street! Wait there’s someone else which-

### **John Dillinger - Verse:**

Is me punk! John Dillinger: the famous mugging gun slinger, here to rob ya’!

Bring out the cage, because The Jackrabbits run loose on to charge ya’!

I robbed 24 banks and 4 police stations in just a thirty year life!

You’re successful, I admit. But, you still can’t keep no wife!

As for me, I don’t need no girl! I’ve got a gang named after me!

I’m the Gentlemen and a gangster, you can’t keep me concealed! I escaped jail 2 times, indeed!

I’m from the Great Depression, I would know that money don’t grow on trees!

You think a man like me’s scared of you, Mr. Sweetie Little Jean?!

I mean come on, I got like 15 different movies just about me, I’m rad!

After I’m done with you, you will be The Man in Red! (Ha ha!)

### **Matt Shultz - Verse 3:**

I don’t think I need to tell you you’re bad, but you are sure an idiot!

‘Cause you’re just a Punching Bag for bullets on Chicago North Side, you’re illiterate!

You think you’re so hot and dandy with your gun and Portuguese Knife Fights!

But, you must feel real betrayed by your friend, that bites!

I’ll beat your Robin Hood \*ss with a side of Spiderheads! (Yuck!)

But, I won’t give you no money! Get it yourself or sleep with no bed!

Whatever, I’m getting tired, I’m gonna watch some TV!

So get your gun-dwingilling \*ss out and leave me be!

### **Pope Alexander VI - Verse:**

Oh, I’m the bad pope, but my raps are mad dope!

I’m single yo, that’s illegal! I did it ‘cause I’m a bad\*ss rebel, oh!

I did what I wanted, including favoritism!

And you’re the kind I hate, waste of money! Let me give it to my children!

I’m notorious for my actions, like helping out those Spanish mobs!

You had a few popular songs, but your name’s still completely unknown!

I’m dropping verbal bath bombs! I’m corrupt, insane, in the public eye!

Not a single person will know your name until after you’ve already died!

### **Matt Shultz - Verse 4:**

I bet not even the people weren’t with you as when your parents saw you were born!

Wow, look at the time! Time for me to Cage this Elephant and whatever sh\*tty hat you wore!

Anyways I’m done with this ancient \*sshole, this is where the song ends!

What will I do after? Write a hit song, do a concert, it really depends-

### **Jared Fogle - Verse:**

Still looking good, Jared’s here much skinnier than before!

I hope you kids like Mayo ‘cause I got that enstore! (Ooh!)

Hey bastard, you music f\*cking sucks! So take a bite outta my footlong!

Trust me it will make you healthy, eat fresh! I’m faster than Jimmy John’s!

‘Cause my meat is tastier than a Subway chicken sandwich!

Look at you, you’re so unimportant and small! I love the taste of a little b\*tch!

I’m the face of Subway and at the behind of your kids!

While you music is more overrated than the sh\*tshow of a McRib!

‘Cause it’s not Subway, it makes you fat! Something that I’m not you c\*m-bat!

But, come again if you want some more feisty \*slurp\*, licking \*slurp\* combat!

### **Matt Shultz - Verse 5:**

What, you’re not supposed to be here. This battle should be over by now!

But, I guess I gotta diss this pedophilic runt and I know exactly how!

Your raps are like your d\*ck, it’s coming up short!

Doing your crimes until, WEE WOO! Time to abort!

As a child, your verse really touched me!

But, what you’ve done is still not as creepy as your chewing, you see!?

I’m gonna end this jack-offing, molesting, creepy-\*ss fast food mascot!

But, it seems it has been done for me in the prison he got! (Yeah!)