The Entirely Wrong Mythology

## Iwan Stevens

They don't- it's true

There was a boy who lived from 2003-2018, whose name was Ewan 'Never Gonna Tell You Fuck Off' Stevens (the nurse who was asked to write his name on his birth certificate was high off her balls). He wrote a story about The Great Council, Earth and Tom The Creator along with a couple other additions of characters not yet known to exist. It was so disrespectful and incorrect that he was killed for his actions. The Great Beings and The Celestial Beings were misrepresented as mere humans, a disgusting idea. Tompaz was unaware of this scripture but would probably be bitter that he was not in it should he have found out.

Research is still being done into who the unknown entities mentioned are. Any information on them will be rewarded by Haycocks The Strong in the form of ***fun***.

At least Ewan knew that Tom was too powerful to have a dick. Though why even a fictional version of the great Creator would let that weird imp-looking thing sit on his lap, no one knows.

## The (Error-Ridden) Story

The group dismounted their horses and made their way into the nearly buried in snow tavern; somewhat aptly named ‘The Blushing Book Inn’.

A man sat in the corner of the inn, awaiting the group and the services they provide.

Harrison tripped over his edgy cloak and broke his neck on the way in, but nobody really noticed.

Neve, the scantily clad consort of the group, only there to extract information from insecure Martin-alikes; sat in the corner of the dimly lit tavern, next to the man, and winked at the barmaid.

Next up was Edward, the hopeless romantic. He got all the fit grills, for like, a week, tops. He sat next to Neve suggestively, looking her up and down. Neve scowled, she was all too used to it.

Elly, the vegan chef, was next to enter the building. She looked disgusted at the boar head on the wall, and had to refrain from an aneurysm when a drop of animal fat landed on her shoe.

A nun shuffled into the building, looking all too out of place. Her/his name was Sister Emile Mathilda. The black dressed woman (we think) let out a small sniffle, and the entire room shook. She sat as far away from everyone else on the corner table as possible, especially the consort.

An elemental entered the bar. She went by the name of Charlotte, or just Charlie to Edward ;) . Spotting a cheese wheel, Charlotte (or Charlie to Edward) stuck out her hand and telekinetically drew the cheese to her. She started munching on it, and sat next to the nun, who sighed, but thankfully didn’t sniffle.

Last to enter the bar was the potentially transgender healer, Tom, and the edgy revolver kid who couldn’t aim to save his life (remember this), Isaac. Unfortunately for them both, a combination of being clumsy, going through a small door at the same time, and being fixated on the fit barmaid, led them to trip over each other. The pair rushed to get up and charged over to the barmaid.

Isaac fired a “warning shot” in Tom’s cardinal direction, who responded by wrapping Isaac in a protective bubble, subduing him potentially (and hopefully) permanently.

Tom makes his way to the bar first, and rests his elbow on a slippy bit of the bar. He starts “Hey fi-” before his elbow slips and he smashed his jaw on the bar. Fighting for consciousness, he finishes with “fit grill”, before taking a seat and nearly passing out. By some godly will, possibly Sister Emile praying for the poor boy, the barmaid finds this funny. Long story short, the barmaid is into him.

Tom sits down on the table, forgetting something. Isaac clears his throat from the other end of the room, and Tom releases him. Isaac, enraged by being outclassed by a healer, fires yet another “warning shot” somewhere in Tom’s direction. The barmaid comes over, and seeing a lack of chairs, decided Tom’s unendowed lap will have to do.