Danger Rangers! - Chapter Two

> "*They'd better pair us up together! There aren't any other players in this session.*"
> ― Irene DuBois
>
>

**Danger Rangers! - Chapter Two: "Petty Crimes"** is the sixtieth episode of Queens of Adventure. It is the second part to Irene's backstory, in which she and Bosco begin their Glamazon Ranger trials.

## Summary

Morning arrives in Glamalala. Irene Dubois and Bosco awaken at Irene's mother's house, where they crashed after their night of debauchery. The house is full of trinkets and half drunken glasses of tea. Her Mom has been out for a few days.

The pair head out, past glamazons doing morning ablutions in the fountains, to a grove amphitheater just outside the city. There their instructor, Ranger Ron, begins a boring speech. He explains they will be paired and given a typical ranger assignment. As the pair wait, Jort comes over, heckling them again about the previous night, before Ron interrupts. The instructor tells them they will be responsible for a musk otter, and will need to take him to a suitable habitat in the eastern wilds within 24 hours. Glamabirds and Junior Rangers will be monitoring.

The pair check the map provided with their supplies and determine three possible places, each with their own suitable food source for the otter (who they name Erika Bidet, and later rename Petty Labelle): Wild Bush (dense trees and vines, features honey buns), the Thigh Gap (sheltered crevasse between clips, features basking glizards), and Clearwater Bottom (crystal clear pond with rainbow frogs). They decide on Clearwater Bottom.

Other novices stop to leave offerings at statues of founders of legendary houses. Bosco offers a roll of duct tape at the altar of the Tuckernauts. Irene leaves a recently shed skin in an empty alcove, which she believes represents the secret thirteenth house at work in the city.

They leave the city and head east. Passing through the farmlands they arrive at the glamwillow filled Marshy Marsh. Quickly, Irene tries to stop Bosco from stepping into quicksand, but her friend ignores her. Irene has to pull her out. As she does, Petty chews through the woven backpack Irene had been carrying and escapes.

Irene notices a giant snake is also moving towards where Petty ran. Bosco convinces Irene they need to pass the test by saving Petty from the snake, and finishing delivering Petty to a proper habitat. After Bosco's arrow misses, the snake turns and bites her. In a rage, Irene throws her javelin, which blows up the snake. Irene uses some of the snake skin to repair the backpack cage as Bosco hunts down the otter. He is up in a tree. As Bosco climbs it, she gets caught in a net trap. Irene comes looking for Bosco, avoiding a bear trap on the ground, before freeing her friend and otter. Petty is rattled and more compliant now.

As they start their trek again, they notice a lot of Glamabird feathers and indentations on the ground from a struggle. They spend a moment to decorate the backpack cage.

Concerned about the traps and snakes, the pair consider taking an alternate route back home later along cliffs, but for now they press on. Exiting the marsh, they find Jort waiting for them. Bosco tells him about the attacked Glamabird and ask him to look into it. He says he is busy looking for a missing ranger. The novices leave him behind.

They enter a forest of iridescent ferns and bamboo. Irene spots another trap. Bosco cuts it down, and notices the net is relatively new, not centuries old as they first thought. They come to the base of a waterfall. Nearby is a pit trap they notice and attempt to dismantle, but Bosco falls in. Irene pulls her up with some rope (after realizing her tail has not grown back yet from last night).

They notice a cave behind the waterfall. Bosco plays her triangle. As it echoes back, they also hear more musk otter noises. They release Petty to try and reunite them, but Petty is hesitant of the cave and hides in shrubs near the cave entrance.

The queens decide something is amiss and head into the cave. They find dwarven writing from the time when dwarves lived on the island before the Glamazons. She realizes the runes are buttons, but when she presses one, a poisoned spike shoots out, jabbing her hand.

Heading deeper in, they find pelt drying racks and cages full of animals, including glama eggs, a giant snake, rainbow frogs, and baby musk otters. The novices open the cages, and gather the animals in the net they found and the backpack cage. Irene notes the rainbow frogs, which should cycle through bright colors, is dim and showing only gray and beige tones. She licks one and notices it smells like poppers.

At the mouth of the waterfall, Petty freaks out as two shaggy dwarves in animal skins enter, along with a tall lizardfolk carrying a heavy sack. He tries to convince the queens to leave and allow them to take the animals as they need to sell them with buyers off-island to save their village. Irene is tempted, but Bosco reminds her friend their job as Rangers is to protect the island and all its animals.

Bosco whips the lizardfolk before using her second wind to regain some health. He then slashes Irene as the dwarves fire their crossbows, missing her. Irene, raging again, recklessly attacks with her great ax, but misses. Bosco uses her *blessing of the Raven Queen* to teleport behind the lizardfolk poacher and attack with her whip to punch him. After the lizardfolk attacks Bosco, Irene bites him in the neck with a critical hit, knocking him out. The dwarves run away.

The animals seem to be coming out of their drugs. Petty and the baby musk otters gather and head into the river, swimming from Fleet Falls towards Clearwater Bottom.

The friends debate whether they are done with their mission, and what to do with the poacher. As they decide to tie him up, they notice his sack is wriggling. Inside is Jort, who is incredulous at the team's success. They ask Jort if they should take the poacher into custody.

As they leave, with their bound prisoner, two Glamazons show up. One young one in white robes, one older in black. After they hear about the poacher, the older one suggests they should leave the poacher with him, as revealing to the rest of the Glamazons may set off events leading to a war with the outsiders, destroying their delicate peace. The novices feel like they need to turn in the poacher and let the Rangers decide whether to keep it secret. The Inquirer points them in the direction of the Ranger station on Cliffhanger Crest.

Departing from the Inquirers, the trio find a safe place to set up camp before making the trek up to the station. Elsewhere, the two dwarves run off into the wilderness.

To be continued...

### Characters

#### Party

* Bosco - shadar-kai fighter
* Irene Dubois - lizardfolk barbarian

#### NPCs

* Ranger Ron (debut)
* Ranger Jort
* Lizardfolk Poacher (debut)
* Dwarf Poachers (debut)
* Rigo
* Ellen

#### Wild Animals

* Musk Otters, including Petty Labelle (formerly Erika Bidet)
* Giant Poisonous Snakes
* Rainbow Frogs

## Episode Notes

### Lore

* Dwarves used to populate the eastern hills of Fire Island.
* Outlanders and Marauders used to roam Fire Island before the Glamazon Rangers were founded.

### Memorable Quotes

* "Has she ever tried to show you Irene's egg?" - DM James
* "Wow, you're really good at these names." - "I am. That's why they hired me. You've heard my drag name." - Bosco and Irene Dubois
* "I am a world class triangle player. I was trained by the triangle player from the Mamas and the Papas: Triangle Girl. I think that was her name." - Bosco
* "Hopefully somebody is looking out for me." - "Yeah the janitor girl. They're gonna clean that shit up!" - Irene and Bosco
* "Yeah, but you have to do all that math." - "Not my forte!" - "Almost worse than being poisoned." - Irene and Bosco
* "They're really high up for dwarven runes." - Irene Dubois
* "A beige rainbow? Looks like your forehead contour." - Bosco

### References

* Erykah Badu
* Janet Jackson (Ms Jackson if ya nasty)
* The Mamas and the Papas
* Kate Bush
* CrossFit
* Homeward Bound
* Jolly Ranchers
* The Matrix
* Destiny's Child

### Name That Tune

* "Ring the Alarm" - Beyonce
* "Wuthering Heights" and "Running Up That Hill" - Kate Bush
* "Baby Got Back" - Sir Mix-A-Lot
* "Crazy Frog"

## Behind the Queens

* Rigo and Ellen weren't named in the episode proper, but James clarifies their identities in the outro.
* During the mid-episode break, DM James announces and thanks the shout out from Critical Role, actual play livestream/podcast empire, in the first episode of their ttrpg honoring show, Critter Hug.
* During the outro, James teases the upcoming Legends episode "Fingering the Bone Throne" and the May 2020 bonus episode: An early release of the Chicago Live Show.
* James also announces the new Merchandise section of the Queens of Adventure website.

**Greetings From Fire Island**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - **The Show Must Go On**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Operation Watersport**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6 - Ch7 - **Trials**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Ghosts of the Coast**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - **The Devil's Due**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Special**: The Story So Far
**The Beautiful Place**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6 - **A Dance in the Dark**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Drama in the Deep**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6 - **Whispers From the Heart**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6
**Danger Rangers!**: Ch1 - **Ch2** - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6
**Mist Connections**: Ch1 - Ch2
**Unreleased**
Lost: Camp Crystal Light - Pax West 2018 --  vs the Lizard People
Live Shows: Seattle Style -- Minneapolis Style