The Mort Grimes, 10th Century Vol 001

## The Mort Grimes                              Volume 001, 7th Jan 900

Dead Tree Edition                                                                                                                           3 Unis

**TOP NEWS THIS WEEK**

## Red Carpet Vaccum gets Steam Cleaned!

We've heard all week about the impact and oppurtunity the new unvieling of Admiral Penworth's new Department of Reclamations & Resupply, but tonight's red carpet opening was stolen by a new Op squad who not only made an impact on the red carpet - but they took a steam cleaning to some Dark Knight Terrorists whom tried to vacumm up the new Department Documents so they could instigate themselves as the new VIPs running SLA's biggest resupply operative in history! James Su'ked plotted for nearly a year to place himself as a janitor within the event, with access to stage props, explosive chemicals & the mechanical knowhow to transform a 240volt vac-pack into a terrorist tool to clean up the deocuments that held such power and promise to the foolish Dark Knight.

But it was the brand new Op Squad, the Silver Belles, who stole the show by first upstaging Venom & Stiletto with their Jimmy Dew  summer range of Knitted Ballistic Weave Evening Wear. Jimmy Dew is new teh designing scene, but his new method of knitted armored weaves wove up some stunning evening wear to outshine the starlets that night! Why the Silver Belles Media Op & Model Katia only had to stroll down the red carpet to catch the cameras - though they didn't need their flashes, for the Silver Belles were already aglow with her own inbuilt illumination! Jimmy Dew outdid himself with the gentle glow his innate illumination lent to the soft curves of Katia's delicate features. The once model stepped easily back into the limelight, offering perhaps one of the most interesting red carpet interviews of the night - Details in Social Statements, page 31 - all the envied looks of the A-List clientele who lost their latest 2 minutes of fame.

As if stealing the Red Carpet wasn't enough, it seems the Silver Belles had been busy. On their first official BPN, they not only collected the forms from the infamous Tanya Sharpe, but they then went directly to Admiral Pensworth's home to record his last official act in signing these inaugural reformation orders - with some beautiful shots of the Adimiral's children signing their first Requisition orders displayed within Getting Inside, Page 17 - This Baby Squad sure knows hows to make an impact, as they then were granted security of the documents and allowed to deliver them not only to the event - but directly up on stage itself! When their Kick Murder Wraith Raider Op, Prada, fluttered over the stage the audience lost themselves with a quiet awe as this nobody entered with beauty & grace that every Wraith wishes they could possess! And then you wouldn't believe, but their 'Mechanical' trainined Ebon, Ember, was handing over the documents & shaking hands with Ordained from Ways of our Lives, Channel 12's hit Summer Soapie - Photo page 19 - and don't we all wish we could be placed within his hands for the evening?

As if this wasn't enough, the squad waited about for the first terrorist strike of the century, as James Su'ked blew up the stage, blinding the cameras & dimming the lights just long enough to steal away the documents! But Prada was already on the prowl, literally climbing under the stage where her sensitive whiskers picked up trouble - in the form of a suspcious janitor sneaking about where floor polishes shouldn't. Prada took James Su'ked down in an easy tackle - Catch a glimpse of her preferred PoloT's Cooling Suit on page 19 in our Styling Expose - Prada was quite modest about the affair when questioned afterwards, apparently Dark Knight terrorists are a lot like a local Wraith Game she used to play as a kid. And I thought Ops & Gangsters was a little old fashioned for my kids...

And in case you're wondering, the Silver Belles fourth Op was on the scene, filming the entire event. Frother Media Op, Mikey, took the whole affair in his stride - with exclusive footage available on our website & highlights on page 31 - Mikey was later interviewed to say he had complete confidence in Prada and that, they had picked their man. Mikey was seen wearing a most interesting Jimmy Dew adaptation of the traditional tartan kilt, well themed into the Silver Belles White & Silver formal wear. But when we asked about the designs ballistic rating, Mikey kindly informed us that as yet, the kilt's ballistic rating was still untested - but he was willling to lend us an extra set for our trials - See the results on Page 49, Pracitcal Fashions - and we'd like to thank Jimmy Dew for sending us some lovely suits & dresses for our staff to try out. Don't worry folks - we made sure to put a little extra in their LAD accounts before we got into the higher calibres!

Where will this prestige foursome end up next? Are they planning on hijacking the new Red Carpet Event? Will Katia be seen stealing headlines  with her FEN 603 or a new Jimmy Dew line? Head over to our Hot Squads sections on our live news feeds to find out when these shining starlets strike next!

## Local Warehouses turn into Bearhourses!

  Our local warehouses are being hit hard and fast by a group calling themselves the pretenders! They run through SLA stock in the warehouse, stripping it clean then they replace it with inferior knockoffs from soft companies. Its an insult to SLA when these goods hit the markets as noone can rely on SLA's finest when they need it most!

  Placebo Hits local drug suppliers!  - The twelfth warehouse and storage facility raid to be discovered by these drugs fiends was discovered only 2 days ago. Their stealthy antics to not only steal all the drugs but also to replace them with candy placebo has authorities worried that there will be more deaths and medical dramas caused. What this group will end up doing with all the drugs they steal, authorities are trying to establish but they say they have strong leads and are considering when to start making strikes back at these drug fiends & scroundles!   Jacob, SCL 9A, was found late last night by a Shiver Patrol.  SGT. Hopskins, the officer in charge, stated, "There wasn’t a mark on him.  He just popped some tablets with a drink and then keeled over dead. Turns out he had a sugar allergy, a horrible way to go. His face was a look of absolute torment, showing that his death wasn't as easy as it looked. Placebo we're coming after you!"

## Local killer on the lose!

  We have a real rarity in Leaves of Mort Central at the moment folks! We've got a true blue killer leaving behind *Real Live Roses* as a calling card, thats right, real live flowers! The kind you only find in the best shops i Uptown no less! This romantic heartthrob has been leaving a flowery trail of death throughout uptown's finest eateries. They say its a woman and she likes to wear blue, contrasting the rose's she leaves behind - all a beautiful white! Hit up our Polls Site to vote in your hot name - Rose, The Gardiner & Petals are current front runners!

  So far the Uptown Shiver forces have concluded all her targets are in stocks and corporate finance, so perhaps shes got an angry credbook to balance! Keep your eyes on this space, we'll have more about this lovely petal tomorrow.

## New Reality for a New Century!

  Community TV has become too popular to ignore, so now we're televising new squads with the Sweet Squads Reality TV Program! This serialized show will start following new squads as they are led into tricks, traps & disguised BPN's full of trouble! Of course, to make it Reality TV the squads won't know what's happening until it's too late - but those that do catch on will be in the running to earn themselves some great prizes from the hows sponsors. Apparently FEN & MAL wear are both in the running so it's looking to be a new hit. The show will hit channel 99 in the next fall!

## TV GUIDE

**Alien Sex Channel**

10pm Tentacles The Female Tentacle Monster

   She shows F'ck'r the Shaktar what being

   a real alien is all about.

11pm Catrie delves in Wraith Heaven

   Catrie shows off the newest strip club,

   Kittens and Vixens, going all the way

   on stage herself to try out their newest gear,

   The Vibropole 7000!

12pm The Dr. R’th show solves some of Mort's

   finest the way to solving their personal issues.

Don't forget ASC+12, the all repeats channel!

**SIC TV**

10pm Highlight of today’s Gorezone

11pm 101 ways to make Carrien soup

   newest recipes with Crazy 8.

12pm Rising Stars on the Circuit

   hosted by Delia the Destroyer

**Channel 8**

10pm The adventures of Captain Contract

11pm Guns and Ammo

12pm Late Night Movie, Zombie Carrien from Cannibal sector 12! THE CONTRACT CIRCUIT: Locations and Highlights

  Sector T-05 is currently being prepared for the next weeks event.  All Contract Killers are asked to contact Greig Ogarious for sign up information at 02-231-2123.  The new season has just started and old scores are coming to light every day now! Get your best vantage spots on the old Firehouse Vantage points, tickets are selling fast.

## OBITUARIES

 Mira Directus Furs, Wraith, SCL 11, was found early today by a kind citizen in upper downtown sector 1A. They were killed by an unknown killer in  execution style shooting with suspected ties misappropriation of SLA resources and stolen goods. She was last seen leaving her workplace minutes before being murdered at home. Leaving her family behind to pick up the pieces. The funeral shall be held at Lakeview Funeral Home, Upper Downtown Sector 3B.

 Johnson, Human, SCL 9B died today in the line duty protecting downtown from some escaped animals being held in a storage facility. The crazed beasts were later contained by local Shiver forces before being subdued and returned to their cryostasis units. The blame for this murder lies on the DR3's continued Mismanagement and poor resources. The family thinks it time for the department to shut down and be replaced by something organised! The family sends out their thanks to those that fought beside Johnson, The funeral service shall be held at Wilson & Sons Funerals and all the warehouse 17 staff are welcome to pay their respects.

## THE SHIVER REPORT

 Shivers of Fortress 002Blue are only too glad to report the culprits for Max Street Mania have been snagged! Apparently the operative squad Beautiful Insanity set of several high pitch sonic shockwaves that whilst unable to be heard by a human ear, they would trigger certain security alarms - including a multitude of vehicle alarms, resulting in over 400 vehicles reporting disturbances or even attempted theft! Anyone with grievances & incurred costs for the incident on December 27th, 4pm in & around Max Street, Uptown, can call cloak division on 00-00-196-956 to file compensation claims. Beautiful Insanity have been resubmitted to Meny for 'Public Awareness' Training & we also hear through the grapevine that they have been given duties assisting the Professors teaching Sex Ed & Diplomatic Solutions to Stormers... Not that a Chagrin needs any lessons in true diplomacy if you asked me...

 Today local traffic was crawled to halt in Uptown sector 7 as the new opening ceremony for the new Department of R&R reported explosions, theft & terrorism. The Shiver Response Crews sealed the area off for nearly an hour before news was confirmed that the Dark Knight Terrorist had been caught in under two minutes by the Operative Squad Silver Belles - See Page 1 - & the local Commander wasn't too embarassed as they explained that procedure & protocol come first - even if it 6pm & everyone's trying to get home in time for the main event! Thankfully Channel 39 replayed the event with a 2 hour delay for those of us caught up in the traffic snag!

## THE OFFICIAL WORD

 Cloak Division would like to make mention of the new How To Guide from Naked TeeVee Presents: Unadorned Angels. This new squad have filmed every segment of their first BPN, running a complete How To DIY Dialouge for new operatives to learn the ropes. Discover the Tricks to Slip Stream through Slayer's Crib, Snagging the Right BPNs and even on the Field tactics to keep you moving within the World of Progress. This One Shot Documentary includes how tos on investigative procedure, evidence handling - even equipment retrieval & financial paperwork guides! This brand new DVD will be available from all SLA approved outlets for all those new squads on the block to learn the What Nots & Whats Is for BPN's! Buy today to get Unadorned Angels second DVD as a bonus - Red Response - where the lovely ladies bungle their affairs & end up getting arrested for stripping without a license!

Available from all SLA Approved Outlets for just 29 Credits, why not try Harlem's DVD House for their inhouse rewards & free Stim-Caff Coffee with every purchase!

## LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

 As editor of The Mort Times, Mort Dead Tree Edition, I try to answer all questions concerning our paper and the reports in a public forum. -Eric Larsen, SCL7C, MG

Dear MG,

 Yo, we're trying hard to get some air time and yet noone seems to find us desireable. Whats so wrong about a team of mechanics? On file we look boring, but in action we're crazy! We have more explosives & gadgets than any squad on Mort! We've used dicing manchines on carrien & been told There was too much blood! How can there ever be too much blood and guts for Mort TV!? SCL 7A & we've still never managed a media contract yet! What does a squad gotta do to get noticed in this crazy ass world where TV is everything and violence is TV? -Ratchet, SCL 7B, Human, Mechanic

Dear Ratchet,

 We are currenlty looking into your file and we have to agree, the file is boring, but the samples you sent us were rather impressive. Don't worry, our editors sending someone your way to talk about a few shots, and an article for our new inventors column thats starting up! We'll proudly be the first to say welcome to lime light on Mort! Miracles an happen folks, you just gotta push to make sure your noticed.

Dear MG,

 Why does Halloween Jack have to take all the headlines when hes spotted? That old hack has been and done so many times its not funny no more! Let Halloween rot in the past just like his antics! lets see more from Masher & Banger, Or Stick It! Get some new blood on the scene for once! - looking for a change, Rot-chic, SCL 9A, Human, Sobirity.

Dear Rot-chic,

 We too would like Halloween Jack doing something more public, but we can't just give up on Mort's most famous serial killer now can we? Just because hes too good to get cuaght when it counts. Maybe we can hope he will do something special just for you. In fact we're setting up cameras live to follow you about just in case our hunch is right. We will give 50unis to anyone who gives us information on the whereabouts of Halloween Jack, and 1000unis who gives Halloween the whereabouts of Rotchic.

## CLASSIFIEDS

 APC for Sale, Custom modded CAT 770 Mining Truck refitted for Operative Use as a APC & mobile base of operations. At 4m high & wide this beast handles like a FEN Battle Taxi but with twice the haulage space & 5 times the weight limits... Thats a haulage option for 50 tonne & engine large enough to breach Cannibal Sector Gates - Footage available. Includes four turrets, multiple weapon systems available on request, price from 89,000c - Call Big Yellow at 03-311-7546.

 Mechanic wanted. Jeep maintenance & experiences preferred.  Contact Mingle, SCL 8B, of Walkers Inc at 03-322-9473 for Squad Applications.

 FEN AR for sale. Good nic, some scratches, perfectly functional weapon that will mow down carrien in seconds. Comes with 3 full clips of ammo & recoil baffling & carry strap. 500 credits ONO. Contact MisMash, SCL 7A, Squad BangersnMash at 23-231-2414.

 SLA Jeep for sale - used for recon & transport work. Fully serviced with new tires. Comes with gun mount & GPS system. 3 years old. 7,500c ono. Can supply a weapon system for a little extra. Contact Tina on 04-384-3892.

 Oyster System with Full Stereo Upgrades - This hot little wrist mounted Comp comes with Hotbox 12.2 Wireless Speakers, 120 Decibels of sound ready for a DJ or instant Dance Floor setup. Comes with all apps & accessories for Mixing tunes & DJing smexy songs. Serious buyers only. Will throw in a pair of Fony Fidelio Headphones as well for the right price. Chasin 930c Call Reta on 03-438-7283.

 You need it? We got it - cheaper than anywhere retail! Call Antonies Auctions now for all your SLA equipment needs! We thoroughly check all equipment before it goes up for the block! Only 10% Buyers Premium, Tax free! Call Ross now, 37-101-0453-Ross!