Beckman (GAM275)

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***Beckman*** is an exciting action-flick called '"Beckman'", and it's the story of David A.R. White doing karate—I know other things happen, but that's all I care about.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because… real jobs are hard.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you loved sneaking out of your house to watch *John Wick* when your mom fell asleep, but all you remember about it is "Man's Name, gravelly voice", you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: …"flip ahead." Visual Aid.
* Luke: ...high-contrast lighting. [The budget of one day of *John Wick* craft services.]
* Noah: ...Batman voice. [Yes, including Christian Bale.]
* Eli: ...movie timeline. [And that says a lot for GAM.]

### **Notes**

* Check out Luke on Twitter, Facebook, IMDb, and especially in his most recent movie *Faith Based* (2020). Also, see his old website.
* David A.R. White recently lost half of his money and property to Andrea Logan White, while Anna and Eli Bosnick are still happily married.

### **Jokes**

* [Eli: But what's amazing is: you know how you can't think about *John Wick* for more than seven seconds, because then it's stupid? But you don't have to, 'cause it's like "Pating! Patang! Bright lights!" David A.R. White was like "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's slow this down and really focus on the *minutiae* of a hotel-based assassin system."] [Luke: That is the best explanation for this I've heard. It is as if David A.R. White watched all three of the *John Wick* movies, and thought the *story* was the best part. *John Wick* may be—I love *John Wick*, I love all of those movies—it may be the simplest story of all time: a man's dog is killed, he decides to kill everyone that killed dog. It's so simple, and David A.R. White was like "Alright, we don't have money to do these action sequences, or really nice lighting, or any of these actors. What if we just focused on the story?"] (45:10)
* Maverick Von Haug! (47:04)
* [Noah: So, Billy Baldwin calls him and he does his evil monologuey bullshit. *Every* goddam time he speaks in this movie it's this "Deepak Chopra trying to fuck you at a coke party" nonsense monologue.] [Luke: I *guarantee* you there were moments in pre-production where David A.R. White (or whoever it is at PureFlix) got the script and was like "Listen guys, if we're going to get *any* of the Baldwins—except for *maybe* Daniel—we need to beef up these monologues." And they were like "You know, because Steven, or Billy, they're going to read this, and they're not going to think it's enough guys! Then we're going to end up with Daniel in Alaska again, and we don't want that.] [Noah: It's such absolute trite bullshit.] [Heath: This was punched *up* to William level. That's correct.] (1:11:38)

### **Interstitials**

* First Ever Writer's Meeting (10: 20)
* Luke Barnett Fight Choreography (10:57)
* Murder Uber (53:53)
* Repeated Head Trauma (1:05:05) [Doodly-Doo]
* Cool Assassin Name (1:24:09)
* Title Discussion (1:55:42) [Post Credits]

### **Tropes**

* Behind on the Rent
* Boss in a Bit Part
* Black Person is a Drug Dealer/Criminal
* Disappointing Christian Celebrity
* Go Fuck Yourself!
* Magical Black Person
* The Most Advanced C64 Ever! [Flip Phones]

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Trailer on YouTube
* IMDb

### **Ad Reads**

* Manscaped: Heath Visits Santa (1:56:02) [Code: Awful]