The Krubby Chronicle

The Krubby Chronicle is a Spunchbub episode

The transcript was written by PrankstergangsterYT SECONDACOUNT

## Transcript

*[episode begins at Krabby Krust with SpunchBub in the kitchen]*

**SpunchBub:** Order up! *[rings bell 39 times]*

**Mr. Krabs:** How's it looking out there, boi?

**SpunchBub:** Like two more satisfied regulars, Mr. K.

**Mr. Krabs:** I ain't interested in same old regulars, SpunchBub! So I took out an ad in the Bikini Bottom Examiner to bring in some new customers! Twas a bargain too. *[SpunchBub takes a magnifying glass and looks at it]* Only cost me a nickel. So tell me now, boi. How many new customers we got out there so far?

**SpunchBub:** Oooh, let me see there was... none.

**Mr. Krabs:** What?! What do you mean none? Don't these people read the paper? *[walks outside to the newspaper carriers, blows on one]* Ooooooooooooh, this thing hasn't been touched in months. *[notices the other one, and there is a long line]* While that paper's selling like Krusty Patties. Uh, pardon me, sir. Could I interest you in a copy of the Examiner, this fine day?

**Nat:** Ha! Nobody reads the Examiner, bud. It's all full of boring charts and facts! *[opens the newspaper door]* The Bottomfeeder's where it's at! It's got like interesting stories and stuff.

**Mr. Krabs:** *[reading the newspaper]* "Fishboi Strikes Again?" *[not reading]* Wait a minute, aren't these stories a little less than truthful?

**Nat:** I don't know. But they're selling!

**Mr. Krabs:** Yes, they certainly are. *[a lady puts in a coin to get a newspaper]* Please, allow me. *[opens the newspaper door]*

**Abigail:** Thank you!

**Mr. Krabs:** No, thank you. *[closes the newspaper door]* Now let's see how much they charge for advertising. *[screams]* 2847¢ per word?! The newspaper business sure is easy money! *[his shell cracks and underneath it is his body, but in money form]* That gives me an idea! *[The money falls out of place. Scene cuts to the next day at the Krabby Krust as SpunchBub walks in.]*

**SpunchBub:** What a fantabulastical day! Eh, Squiddo?

**Squidowardo:** Yep, another wonderful humdrum day slinging ppl. *[SpunchBub walks into the kitchen, but hits his face on something.]*

**Mr. Krabs:** Off of your duff, boi! You think I spent all last night assembling this printing press, so you could laze around all day? From now on you'll be twice as busy. And I expect you to wear 24 hats. 'Cause along with your usual fry cooking duties, you're my new lead reporter for the new *Krusty Kronicle*! *[A press badge on SpunchBub is shown]*

**SpunchBub:** Oh! My very own press badge!

**Mr. Krabs:** That's right, boi! And here's your very own camera! So you'll need it to document all them juicy stories you're gonna write. Now what are you waiting for, boi? *[cuts to SpunchBub walking down the street]*

**SpunchBub:** On the thirst for a juicy story, eh? Hmm, but what kind of story is juicy enough to quench their dry news gullets? I don't even know where to begin to look. *[there is a bank robbery going on, two tough fish destroying someone's boat with fire in the background, and a monster]* No news to report here. Stop the presses, it's Potrick! And he appears to be waiting for the bus! This is the kind of breaking story my readers are waiting for! *[takes a picture of Potrick]* Potrick Star, I'm Scoop SqerePonts from the *Krusty Kronicle*. Everyone's wondering, what bus are you taking today?

**Potrick:** Oh, I'm not taking a bus, SpunchBub. I am watching this pole. So the next time it moves, I will see it!

**SpunchBub:** Whoa, this story is juicy! *[cuts to the Krabby Krust where there is a sign that says "The KRUSTY KRONICLE" on it. SpunchBub is writing on the typewriter, then puts it in a pile of papers, then finished the headline for the paper, then puts it in the printing press. Mr. Krabs walks in]*

**Mr. Krabs:** What a money-tastical day! Eh, Mr. Squidowardo?

**Squidowardo:** Yeah, I'm just breaking it in.

**Mr. Krabs:** I'm excited about all the newspaper sales, too.

**Squidowardo:** We haven't sold any papers today. *[as SpunchBub drives a wheelbarrow of newspapers]*

**Mr. Krabs:** What do you mean we haven't sold any newspapers? Certainly this gentlemen would like a copy of the *Krusty Kronicle*.

**Frank:** Looks boring. Can I just have a Krusty Patty?

**Mr. Krabs:** Too boring? *[looks at the paper]* SpunchBub! *[The KRUSTY KRONICLE sign on the Krabby Krust shakes]* What's the meaning of this?!

**SpunchBub:** Meaning of what, Mr. Krabs?

**Mr. Krabs:** "Local Idiot Watches Pole?" No one's gonna pay to read this malarkey! When you write these stories, you've gotta use a little imagination, boi.

**SpunchBub:** Imagination!

**Mr. Krabs:** Yeah. Maybe instead of "Idiot Watches Pole," you could say something like... oh... "Idiot Marries Pole." Then you can alter the photo a little to fit the headline and, see? *[modifies it to look like what he said]* Now that's a juicy story!

**SpunchBub:** Mr. Krabs, isn't that lying?

**Mr. Krabs:** Don't think of it as lying, boi. Think of it as... uh... a practical joke. You know. Something everybody can have a good laugh about. The public expects a little embellishment here and there, so I want you to go out there, and get me a lead story that'll sell! *[cuts to an intersection, and SpunchBub is hiding behind a trash can. Mrs. Puff pulls up, and then a policeman pulls up behind here. SpunchBub takes a picture, and both of them look around]*

**SpunchBub:** *[laughs]* Mrs. Puff is going to laugh her hat off when she reads this! *[cuts to a newspaper that says "Fat Teacher in High Speed Chase"]*

**Mr. Krabs:** "Fat Teacher in High Speed Chase!" I think you finally done it, boi! You've given me a story that'll sell! And sell it has! *[everyone has a copy of the newspaper, and Squidowardo hands Harold a copy]*

**SpunchBub:** Yeah, but that isn't the story I wrote.

**Mr. Krabs:** That's called editorial privilege, son. It gives you that extra oomph to move units. Besides, how could such a little news story possibly affect Mrs. Puff in any way? *[cuts to Mrs. Puff's Boating School]*

**Mrs. Puff:** I can't believe such a little news story could have ruined my business! *[cuts to SpunchBub hiding in a chimney, looking through binoculars]*

**SpunchBub:** Let's see what there is to see. Wait a minute. Larry the Fat Lobster. Hmm, wonder what kind of dirt he has under those muscles. *[goes in the chimney, then hides behind a dumpster]* Uh-huh, this looks shady, very shady. *[Larry walks up to Frankie]*

**Frankie:** Larry, hey, weak guy? Can I punch you in the gut?

**Larry:** Sure. Everybody does. It won't hurt me a bit. *[Frankie punches him, and SpunchBub takes a picture, then one of him putting his arms on his chest, then Larry laughs]* Told you it wouldn't hurt.

**Frankie:** Thanks, smoll guy.

**Larry:** See ya round.

**SpunchBub:** *[writes on paper]* Very interesting... *[cuts to a gym, and the teacher is pushing Larry out]*

**Gym Teacher:** Out! Out! Out!

**Larry:** Hey, what's the big idea?

**Gym Teacher:** This! *[hands him the newspaper]*

**Larry:** *[reading]* "Larry the Loser Gets Beaten Up by Pipsqueak?" *[tries to explain to his teacher]* But, but, but...

**Gym Teacher:** [rudely interupts] No buts! I can't have a wimp like you destroying my gym's reputation! You're banned forever! *[throws him out, then SpunchBub walks up]*

**SpunchBub:** Hello, Larry.

**Larry:** Not now, SpunchBub. Let me take in the fact that my life is ruined!

**SpunchBub:** Ruined? What are you talking about?

**Larry:** These lies someone wrote about me. *[shows him the paper, and SpunchBub gasps. Scene cuts to the Krabby Krust]*

**Mr. Krabs:** Thanks for your business, and here's your paper. *[hands the fish the paper]*

**SpunchBub:** Mr. Krabs, can I have a word with you?

**Mr. Krabs:** Make it quick, boi. These papers are selling faster then we can print 'em!

**SpunchBub:** That's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about, sir. I don't think these stories are doing anyone any good.

**Mr. Krabs:** Well, they're certainly doing me some good. *[shows him his office, where there is a lot of money]* Can you believe it? Look at all this loot! *[sits in a pile of money]*

**SpunchBub:** Yeah, but isn't there a way we could write juicy stories without hurting people?

**Mr. Krabs:** Ah, you just don't get it, do you boy? We're not hurting anyone. We're just making their lives interesting for everybody else. *[pushes SpunchBub out]* Now get out there and fetch another story! *[cuts to the Cjum Bucket, and Plankton walks out of the kitchen with a Chum Stick]*

**Plankton:** Oh, Karen! I think this is it! The Chum Stick that's finally gonna drive Krabs out of business!

**Health Inspector:** I think not. I'm Health Inspector Yellowtail. I'm officially closing down your restaurant.

**Plankton:** Why? I haven't done anything.

**Health Inspector:** *[flatly chuckling]* That's not what *this* says. *[shows Plankton the paper]*

**Plankton:** *[reading]* "Plankton's Chum Made of Your Chums? The Chum Bucket serves your friends in more ways than one?" *[not reading]* What?! *[The Health inspector locks down the Chum Bucket]* Who's to blame for this? Who?! *[SpunchBub is watching, and then walks away, scene then cuts to a long line, and Mr. Krabs is in his office with more money]*

**Mr. Krabs:** You're reaching new levels of imagination, boi-o!

**SpunchBub:** Yeah, I... I know.

**Mr. Krabs:** What's wrong, boi? You sick or something?

**SpunchBub:** Yes, Mr. Krabs, you could say that.

**Mr. Krabs:** Don't be silly, boi! We're a success!

**SpunchBub:** Mr. Krabs, we're hurting people!

**Mr. Krabs:** Oh, baloney! You better start feeling right! 'Cause if you don't, you can just kiss your spatular goodbye!

**SpunchBub:** Mr. Krabs, you wouldn't!

**Mr. Krabs:** Oh, darn tootin' I would! Now get out there, and bring me a juicy one!

**SpunchBub:** *[sadly]* Aye-aye, sir. *[cuts to Sundy picking acorns, and is about to eat one, then she notices two fish carrying a box with awards in it]*

**Sundy:** Sorry, fellers, this is a private treedome.

**Dennis:** I had no idea it talked. Don't worry, we're from the Neptunian Science Committee, and we've come to confiscate all your science awards. Haven't you read today's headlines? *[holds up newspaper]*

**Sally:** It can't even read. Why are you--?

**Sundy:** Oh, gimme that! *[reading]* "Sundy Cheeks or Sundy Chump? Bushy tailed brainiac really a slow-witted squirrel, by... SpunchBub SqerePonts?" *[throws the paper down]* That yellow sidewinder thinks he can do that to me?!

**Dennis:** Oh boi... We better scram! The dumb ones are always the most violent! *[the two scientists run away while Sundy is growling, the scene cuts to the Krabby Krust, where there is a huge line, and a sign that says over 5 billion copies sold, and Mr. Krabs has even more money, and is in his office with SpunchBub, and is laughing]*

**Mr. Krabs:** You've really outdone yourself this time! *[his eyes water up, SpunchBub absorbs it, and Mr. Krabs squeezes it out]*

**SpunchBub:** Mr. Krabs, I can't write these stories anymore.

**Mr. Krabs:** Come on, that's a bunch of hooey!

**SpunchBub:** I've seen people's lives ruined with my own eyes!

**Mr. Krabs:** People want wild juicy stories! That's what sells! Now I want your little yellow noggin to come up with the wildest story ever! One that'll top all the others!

**SpunchBub:** Gee, Mr. Krabs, I've written about everybody in town. Any ideas, sir?

**Mr. Krabs:** Surprise me! Give me a shocker! *[throws him in his chair]* Good night, boi. I'll check on you tomorrow morning. And remember, the wildest story ever! *[leaves]*

**SpunchBub:** Oh, the wildest story ever, huh? *[starts writing/typing, then cuts to the next day where the paper's are being printed, and Mr. Krabs runs in]*

**Mr. Krabs:** How's it going, lad? *[SpunchBub turns around, and he is very tired]*

**SpunchBub:** Ah, it's a surprise.

**Mr. Krabs:** Excellent! We're gonna sell out in no time! We'll have to do another printing. *[runs outside, and there is an angry mob]* Huh?

**Martha:** Taskmaster!

**Mr. Krabs:** What's going on?

**Martha:** You should know! *[shows him the newspaper]*

**Mr. Krabs:** *[reading]* "Krabs Overworks Employees? Reaps Reward? Krusty Kronicle mastermind behind bogus stories pays his tired, underage reporter pennies while he rakes in the dough?!"

**Martha:** How could you do that to such an innocent child?! That is sick and inhumane!

**Sundy:** Not to mention the fact that he's written lies about us!

**Plankton:** I lost my restaurant because of you! And I thought i was evil.

**Larry:** All the kids in town want to beat me up for lunch money. *[cries]*

**Mrs. Puff:** And I've had to go back to watching... *[starts to cry]* daytime television!

**Martha:** Oh, that's it! We're taking our money back! *[everyone runs in, and takes bags of money while leaving a trail of destruction]*

**Mr. Krabs:** No! *[screams and starts to cry]*

**SpunchBub:** Mr. Krabs, are you okay?

**Mr. Krabs:** How can I be okay when me money's gone?! All gone! *[cries then sighs]* It just goes to show, trying to make an easy buck doesn't pay. *[notices the printing press]* Or does it? *[puts a dollar in the printing press, and turns it on, which makes sheets of paper with just pictures of money]* Get me some scissors, boi-o! It's time to use *my* imagination!

**Potrick:** *[while wearing fancy clothes]* Hey, guys. Could you fix me and the wife up a couple of Krusty Patties? *[Potrick's "wife," is the pole as described in the newspaper earlier. SpunchBub and Mr. Krabs are shocked, as the episode is now over]*