Lifeguard for a day!

A fanfiction based on SpongeBob SquarePants episode SpongeGuard on Duty but the MLP EG universe

*[It's a great day in Canterlot City Where all the Pony Human counterparts are in the beach, Two teen girls a human pink skinned girl and a human gray skinned girl are laying in their towels]*

**Pinkie Pie:** What a beautiful day. right Derpy.

**Derpy:** You said it, Pinks. Thanks for inviting me at the beach.

**Pinkie Pie:** You're welcome. *[looks at the sun]* Can you believe that sun? *[Derpy's eyes are singed]*

**Derpy:** I could look at it all day. *[Pinkie sits up then takes her sunglasses off]*

**Pinkie Pie:** Uh... Derpy? Your eyes *[Derpy's eyes go back to normal after she takes a drink]*

**Derpy:** What?

**Pinkie Pie:** ...Nevermind.

**Derpy:** So, how's that tan coming?

**Pinkie Pie:** *[her skin is tanned. looks at herself]* Looking good. How's yours?

*[Looks at her friend only to stare in surprise, Derpy's skin is totally tanned brown like a sausage, looks at herself]*

**Derpy:** Looking good same as.

*[Pinkie is about say something at her friend but a swarm of people run by them. Timber Spruce is lifting six people on a surfboard. Everyone cheers and chants his name]*

**Pinkie Pie:** Hey, it's Timber Spruce, the lifeguard! *[the three flower girls walk up to the lifeguard]*

**Roseluck:** Mr. Lifeguard, can I feel your muscle?

**Daisy:** Can I feel it too?

**Lily Valley**: And me too?

**Timber Spruce:** Sure. Don't scratch the paint. *[Rose and her friends run off after feeling Timber's muscles. Captain Planet and Wiz Kid come up next]*

**Captain Planet:** Lifeguard, how's the tubage?

**Timber Spruce:** Gnarly, Dudes!

**Captain Planet and Wiz Kid:** All right, yeah! Woohoo! *[the two friends run off as an elderly couple come up]*

**Male Elderly:** Lifeguard, can you point out the snack bar?

**Timber Spruce:** Right over there! But you guys are way too old and unsightly for my beach. And I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

**Female Elderly:** *[both walk off]* So polite.

**Male Elderly:** Just like we raised him.

**Pinkie Pie:** Wow, What a guy. Is it any wonder he's so popular? Just imagine... Derpy if I were a lifeguard. *[imagines herself in a lifeguard watchtower]* That would be so cool!

**Derpy:** *[Scoffs and crosses her arms]* Oh, what do you want to be a lifeguard for? Nobody really likes those guys. *[Timber is being carried by the beachgoers]* Being a lifeguard is so dumb. All they do is blow, blow, blow on their stupid whistles, rub, rub, rub that white stuff on their noses and show off their gross misshapen bodies! *[Beat]* Anyway, I'm going to the snack bar! *[walks off]*

**Pinkie Pie:** Derpy is Right, Who needs to be a lifeguard? I'm cool. *[zooms into a geek-like looking Pinkie]* I'm every bit as cool as Timber. And if I'm not, let me be struck by... *[thunder roars]* ...a flying ice cream truck. *[an ice cream truck with wings comes falling down]* And live! *[the ice cream truck slows down and lands on top of Pinkie, then drives away. Timber comes to her with a megaphone]*

**Timber Spruce:** *[speaking into a megaphone]* Please do not land flying ice cream trucks on the bathers! Pinkie, you okay?

**Pinkie Pie:** *[dizzy with stars rotating above her head]* Owwww... I I I'm fine... *[gets up, a vanilla ice cream cone falls off her nose]*

**Timber Spruce:** *[notices the vanilla on Pinkie's nose and mistakes it for sunscreen]* Hey! I didn't know you were a lifeguard.

**Pinkie Pie:** *[Confused]* Uh, Lifeguard?

**Timber Spruce:** The nose?

**Pinkie Pie:** *[swipes her finger on her nose to see the ice cream]* You mean this White stuff! You think I'm a lifeguard?

**Timber Spruce:** Sure! There’s no hiding the lifeguard look, Pinks, and you've got it.

**Pinkie Pie:** You really think so?

**Timber Spruce:** You bet I do. Say, we're a little shorthanded around here. How would you like to work the beach?

**Pinkie Pie:** *[gasps] [high voice]* I'd love it! *[hugs him]*

**Timber Spruce:** Alright. *[pushes her]* Leave that on the bench, Kahuna. Hey, Caramel, come here! *[Caramel walks over]* I want you to meet my new assistant, Pinkie Pie.

**Pinkie Pie:** Hi.

*[Silence]*

**Caramel:** *[crosses his arms] [unimpressed] ...*So?

**Timber Spruce:** Dude, she's a lifeguard.

**Caramel:** Ohh... *[he whistles as Teddy, Time Turner, and Lucky Clover run over and pick up Pinkie]*

**Pinkie Pie:** It works!

*[Montage]*

*[now wearing a lifeguard suit similar to Timber's. Timber Spruce and Pinkie Pie walk around the beach blowing their whistles. Timber Spruce is putting lotion on Cheerilee and gives Pinkie a thumbs-up. Pinkie is putting lotion on Granny Smith. Timber makes sand castles with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Babs Seed and other kids; Pinkie lifts a bucket revealing an actual castle. The CMC, Babs Seed and the children play in the castle and Timber gives Pinkie a thumbs up. Timber lifts some weighs as Pinkie lifts two soda cups with straws for weights, Snips walks up and takes a cup, Pinkie falls over on one side. Both hula dance playing ukuleles]*

**Pinkie Pie:** Woohoo! That was the greatest, Timber!

**Timber Spruce:** Yeah! Say, how'd you like to take the second shift?

**Pinkie Pie:** You mean by myself?

**Timber Spruce:** Of course, only if you think you're ready.

**Pinkie Pie:** You bet. *[She holds up a jar of zinc-oxide]* I'm not just ready. *[puts some of the zinc-oxide on her nose]* I'm ready, Timmy.

**Timber Spruce:** It's Timber. Well, I guess I'll just...

**Micro Chips:** Help, help! *[Micro Chips struggles in the water]* Help, help, help!

**Timber Spruce:** We've got a sinker! Pinkie, let me take this. I haven't seen any action all day.

**Pinkie Pie:** Action?

*[Timber runs across the beach and dives into the water.]*

**Micro Chips:** Please help, please help! *[sinks underwater. Timber goes underwater to rescue him. Everyone gasps. Timber emerges from the water holding the unconscious nerd. Everyone including the Mane 8 cheers except Pinkie]*

**Timber Spruce:** Breathe, darn you! *[starts to punch him in the stomach. he regurgitates water and a book]*

**Micro Chips:** That's the last time I read and swim! *[he points to Timber]* You saved my life!

**Timber Spruce:** Don't mention it. It's all part of the job. *[walks up to Pinkie, who is stunned]* You know, Pinkie, the babes and the big chair are great, but the best part is knowing you're the only thing that stands between these good people... *[notice a sign that reads "Annual Hot Dog Chug" and everyone is rooting for Snips, who is eating a bunch of hot dogs]* ...and a watery grave. And that's what it's all about. *[a car drives up]* Their lives are in your hands now, 'cause I got a date with a tanning booth. *[jumps in the car with Suri, Hoity Toity and Sapphire Shoes]* See ya. *[the car drives off]*

**Pinkie Pie:** But I... *[an inner tube inflates around her]* ...can't swim. Oh, if I'd known being a lifeguard meant guarding their lives, I would never have said yes! *[throws the inner tube off]* Maybe nothing will go wrong. Then when Timber comes back, I'll tell him I'm not interested. Besides, what’s the worst that could happen? *[imagines everyone in the lake turns into tombstones. She screams in panic, runs up to the lifeguard tower and rings the bell, then speaks into a megaphone]* Emergency! Everybody out of the water! Hurry! Emergency! Out of the water! *[the entire crowd runs out of the water]* Emergency! *[everyone wonders what is going on]*

**Rainbow Dash:** Pinkie Pie, What is the emergency?

**Pinkie Pie:** Uhh... there are sharks in there!

**Fluttershy:** *[gasps in fright]* There are sharks??!!

**Twilight Sparkle (Sci-Twi):** No Fluttershy, There are report of studies, That there are no sharks in this area.

**Sunset Shimmer:** Twilight is right, and that's 100% true.

**Rarity:** You mean these sharks what are you taking about? *[she points to a family of dolphins who feel offended what Pinkie said]*

**Pinkie Pie:** Uhh... sea serpent! *[Steven Magnet, walks over]*

**Steven Magnet:** You know, we sea serpents have made great strides in the fields of science and literature. *[walks off as he smacks Pinkie with his tail]*

**Applejack:** *[losing patience]* Anything else?

**Pinkie Pie:** Uhh, somebody went?

**Spitfire:** I knew it! I'm back into the water!

**Cherry Crash:** Yeah, me too!

*[crowd of people are angry and go back to playing in the water]*

**Pinkie Pie:** No, don't go! *[screams whenever the beachgoers are doing "dangerous" things in the water such as Diamond Tiara splashing water at Silver Spoon, Flash Sentry water skiing with Lyra and Bon Bon above him, Vinyl Scratch and Octavia Melody playing catch the ball while inside a killer whale's mouth, and Bulk Biceps hitting Teddy's head on a rock. She screams and then brings out an ice cream cart]* Free ice cream! *[everyone runs out of the water again and crowds around the cart]* Plenty for everybody. One for you, one for you... okay, everybody got one? *[everyone in the crowd eats their ice cream and sweet treats]* A-ha, now I got ya! Now, you all have to wait one hour before you go swimming. *[shows a clock. Everyone stops smiling]* But just so you're not tempted... *[ties everyone up with yellow "do not cross" tape including Thunderlane who is about to go surfing. She makes a bow-shaped knot after She's done tying everyone up]* Ladies and gentlemen, the lagoon is closed.

**Rainbow Dash:** Pinkie Pie, Don't you think you're taking this too far?!

**Pinkie Pie:** But it's for your own good.

**Thunderlane:** We like Timber better!

**Golden Harvest:** I agreed, Timber was the best Lifeguard until he left!

**Pinkie Pie:** Does Timber ever give you *[speaks into megaphone]* free ice cream?! *[Derpy bursts out of a port-o-potty]*

**Derpy:** Ice cream! *[starts running around]* Did somebody say *[has toilet paper sticking out of her feet]* ice cream? *[runs up to the tape]* Where is it? Is it here? *[the words "do not cross" on the tape change into "ice cream"]* Huh? Ice cream! Yay! *[laughs heartily and she breaks through the tape and runs into the water but then she gets an ache and a cramp in her stomach]* Cramp! Ah! Ah! I shouldn't have eating everything in the snack bar! *[holds her stomach and begins to struggle in the water]*

**Minuette:** Holy cow! Somebody's drowning!

**Pinkie Pie:** *[lounging at the top of the lifeguard tower]* Oh, no, that's not possible. The beach is closed. *[tied up group of beachgoers angrily walk over to the tower]*

**Berry Punch:** Just get in the water already!

**Pinkie Pie:** If there was anyone in there, we'd hear them.

**Derpy:** Help, help! *[Pinkie stands up and takes off her shades]* I can't swim!

**Pinkie Pie:** Somebody would be screaming that they're drowning.

**Applejack:** Pinkie Pie, Can't you hear that someone is drowning? And i'm hearing it!

**Starlight Glimmer:** *[looks at the water]* Hey, that girl looks familiar *[squints her eyes and sees the "girl" drowning]* is that Derpy? *[gasps]* Derpy! Pinkie Pie, Derpy is drowning!

*[The main cast looks at the water and it's true Derpy is drowning]*

**Fluttershy:** Oh my, Starlight is right. Pinkie, Derpy is drowning!

**Derpy:** I'm drowning! I'm drowning!

**Pinkie Pie:** She would have to have crossed the line.

**Derpy:** I'm drowning ‘cause I crossed the line!

**Beachgoers and the Main Cast:** *PINKIE!!!!*

**Pinkie Pie:** *[startled by the yell from the angry beachgoers and the main cast, takes out a pair of binoculars]* Alright, Alright, I'll take a look, but just to prove to you that... *[her eyes become huge and break through the lenses of the binoculars]* ...Derpy isn't drowning! *[sees Derpy drowning]*

**Derpy:** Can't swim! Stomach hurts! Ice cream! *[Pinkie jumps off the tower]*

**Pinkie Pie:** Hold on, Derpy! *[runs to the shore, flailing her arms rapidly]* I'm coming! *[approaches the shore but stops to avoid touching the water]*

**Derpy:** Help, help!

**Pinkie Pie:** Don't move! *[gets a life preserver]* Catch this! *[throws it out to Derpy, but only lands about a foot out into the water]*

**Flash Sentry:** Quit fooling around!

**Trixie Lulamoon:** Yeah. and just get in the water!

**Derpy:** Help, help!

**Pinkie Pie:** Oh, what am I going to do? Got to think. *[starts running in circles]* Gotta think. Gotta run around and think. Gotta run around and think at the same time. Gotta think, gotta have a plan. Gotta think, think, think. *[a light-bulb appears above her head]* I've got it! *[runs off and comes with a vacuum]* Derpy can't drown if there isn't any water! *[presses a button that starts to suck out all the water, The vacuum bag grows huge]* Well, you're safe now, Derpy.

**Derpy:** *[inside the bag]* Help, I'm drowning! My stomach hurts! I want ice cream and now it’s dark! *[Pinkie presses the reverse button releasing all the water out. Derpy is drowning again]* Help, help! Help me, I'm drowning! Help!

**Bon Bon:** *[rolls her eyes in annoyance]* Oh for crying out loud, Get in the water right now!

**Lyra Heartstrings:** Admit it, You're just afraid to get in the water aren't you?!

**Pinkie Pie:** Come on think Pinkie think, There must be another plan! *[she sees Big Macintosh and Sugar Belle sitting in a surf table, about to share a hot dog]* Aha! *[she runs to the couple]*

**Big Macintosh:** To us. *[he and Sugar Belle are about to bite their hotdog when Pinkie takes their surf table and runs off. They make an angry look.]*

**Pinkie Pie:** *[comes back to return their hotdog]* Sorry! Here's your hot dog. *[hands them back their hot dog, then runs off and paddles the table in the water over to Derpy]* Okay, Derpy, here I come! *[Derpy is still flailing and screaming]* Come, come round, Derpy. Here I am. Auntie, hold it. Stop! Stop! *[Derpy grabs the table and starts tearing it apart in a desperate frenzy. Pinkie ushers her to stop, but the table is torn completely into pieces and Pinkie is in the water, too]*

**Derpy:** Oops, my bad. *[she and Pinkie start struggling in the water, Derpy pushes Pinkie underwater trying to stay afloat. Then she starts hitting Pinkie with an anvil]*

**Pinkie Pie and Derpy:** Help! Help us! We're drowning!

**Vinyl Scratch:** This is pathetic.

**Octavia Melody:** Yeah, Let's get out of here.

*[everyone who is tied up including the main cast walks off]*

**Pinkie Pie:** Goodbye, Derpy!

**Derpy:** Goodbye, ice cream!

**Pinkie Pie and Derpy:** Help! Can't swim! Oh, no! *[the two continue to struggle, Timber Spruce walks up behind them and picks them up, revealing that the water is very shallow, and only up to his ankles]*

**Timber Spruce:** Pinkie Pie?

**Pinkie Pie:** Yes, Timber?

**Timber Spruce:** You're not a lifeguard, are you?

**Pinkie Pie:** No**,** Timber?

**Timber Spruce:** *[carrying Pinkie Pie and Derpy in his hands]* Let's go, guys. *[later, Pinkie Pie and Derpy are paddling in a kiddie pool. learning to swim]* Very good. You fellas are learning fast.

**Pinkie Pie and Derpy:** *[their stomach grumbles]* Ow! cramps!

**Pinkie Pie:** I shouldn't have drink too many smoothies!

**Derpy:** And I still don't have my ice cream!