Chicken Shoot

***Chicken Shoot*** is the fourth episode of Just Bad Games, released on July 8, 2019.

This episode marks the first instance of the Money Ghost.

## Transcript

**Adam**: *Chicken Shoot* is a game developed by Toontraxx. It was first released to PC in the year 2000. In subsequent years, the game was ported to many platforms- mobile, Game Boy Advance, Nintendo DS-

**Shane**: But today, we're going to be talking about the most special release of the game: the 2007 Wii port.

**Adam**: Check out this box art! Go on, take it all in.

**Shane**: They liked that drawing of a cowering hen that their nephew made so much, that they copied and pasted it over and over and over again.

**Adam**: Great job. Those birds truly look ashamed to be attached to this product.

**Shane**: Now let's find out why.

**Adam**: When you start the game, you're greeted with the main menu, a bunch of chickens nibbling away at some feed, and a background layer that to put it simply, looks rough.

**Shane**: The art assets look like they were done in watercolor, with some obvious attention to detail. They've got wonderful textures and design that make it all feel like effort and skill was placed into every single- ANUS! The title offers several game modes: you've got "Arcade", "Classic", and "Catch An Egg". We're gonna try out "Arcade" first.

**Adam**: The camera pans and we've got- oh. A farmer, just sleeping on a deadly weapon.

**Shane**: He wakes up to the hens nibbling away at some feed bags and decides he's had enough, and he shoots out somewhere into the distance- certainly nowhere near the actual chickens.

**Farmer**: And that, dear children, is how we lost Lumpy, the lovable barn cat.

*(cat meows)*

**Adam**: Shortly after, we're into the first level of the game: the village. Now, as you can see, *Chicken Shoot* is an arcade shooting gallery-style game where you shoot chickens. In the Wii version, you use the Wiimote to aim, shoot, and look around the level.

**Shane**: Which, by the way, is simply THE WORST way to control your view.

**Adam**: If something's in the corner and you need to aim at it, your view shifts along with your aiming. It's just a terrible way to move around the level.

**Shane**: And on inspecting the level, we immediately started seeing visual quirks. From little things, like an inconsistent black outline on layers, to bigger things like background layers being cut off at the bottom of the screen. I guess the developers thought that players would be too lazy to scroll down that far.

**Adam**: Speaking of visuals, at first we saw some of the animations of the chickens and figured "hey, maybe the creative team actually put some effort into the assets of this game"!

**Shane**: Is that a pair of pants with a poop chute chute?

**Adam**: I'd rather not talk about it.

**Shane**: One of the glaringly bad animated bits in arcade mode is the farmer at the bottom of the screen. At first, we thought this did absolutely nothing except emote poorly.

**Adam**: Shoot a chicken, and you'll chuckle. Or shoot a chicken, and you'll do nothing.

**Shane**: Turns out this farmer is actually your health bar! More specifically, the wood behind him. Yeah, look closely. See that barely visible line being carved into the wood? That's how much damage you've taken!

**Adam**: And as the levels progress, the visuals don't get much better. Besides the farmer and chickens being animated, levels have very few moving elements. In the second level, we have this tree swing continuously moving. You can't shoot it, it's not interactive in any way- it's just actually kind of ominous.

**Shane**: Wait! I think I see something!

**Money Ghost**: I'm the ghost of the money you wasted on this terrible f\*\*king game!

**Adam**: Back to the animated chickens in this game, every level reuses many of the same assets, and only sometimes they change the assets in the laziest way possible.

**Shane**: In the Himalaya level, the chickens have warm hats.

**Adam**: In the rocky island level, they have sunglasses.

**Shane**: In the Nevada desert level, they're wearing little Native American headdresses.

**Adam**: These are all the same assets, but they've just been barely changed.

**Shane**: But barely changing assets isn't enough, because just putting a winter hat on a sunbathing chicken on a snow-covered mountain looks stupid!

**Adam**: Or how about this chicken knitting a scarf in the desert?

**Shane**: Or this chicken right here doing the laundry anywhere and everywhere?

**Hen**: I wash and wash, but the stink of this game doesn't come off!

**Adam**: Now look folks, we get it. Looks are subjective. You might actually really like all of these visuals.

**Shane**: So of course, this game needed to destroy your ears as well.

**Adam**: First, you've got terrible music that plays on a loop. Stuff that sounds like this:

*(loud, bass-boosted yodeling in the Himalaya level)*

**Shane**: Oh, you think you can handle that? Now pair it with gunshots and chicken squeals.

**Adam**: I'm starting to wonder why this farmer is even shooting these birds. There's a cool chicken dancing to some tunes, one reading a newspaper- we even have a chicken FLYING A FREAKIN' AIRPLANE.

**Shane**: We've got self-aware, highly intelligent poultry minding their own business, and this farmer couldn't care less. He's on a mission to avenge- something.

**Adam**: Okay, fine. Well, if the game solely relies on its gunplay, how does it feel?

**Shane**: **Bad**.

**Adam**: Really, really bad.

**Shane**: Despite the Wiimote being reasonably responsive, the hitboxes of your enemies seem to shrug off your shots randomly. I swear I'm hitting them. They just don't register the hit!

**Adam**: They had one job: make a shooting gallery game. All they needed to do was to make sure you could SHOOT THINGS in that gallery.

**Shane**: Check this out: leaves in the game are bulletproof. If a chicken happens to be flying behind them, you can't hit them.

**Adam**: Same goes for the eggs.

**Shane**: These highly agitated farm fowl have had enough, and fight back against the trigger-happy farmer by hurling eggs at him.

**Adam**: If one splats on the screen, you can't shoot through it. How could that be a problem?

**Shane**: Eggs are flying at you like frickin' raindrops! You don't even have to be looking at the egg for it to hit your screen, and the viewing controls combined with the consistent nature of everything happening all at once prevents you from avoiding these constant yolky projectiles. And yes, even if you don't see it happen, you will lose health.

**Adam**: By the way, chucking your possible unborn at your enemies? That's just about the darkest thing I can possibly think of.

**Shane**: But if you do happen to hit your targets, things get incredibly messy visually. Look at the perspective of this chicken falling behind these mountains. That chicken is massive!

**Adam**: Aside from firing at regular chickens, there are bosses as well- kinda. I mean, you may not even know they're bosses at first. They're just recycled regular enemies surrounded by sparkly bits. They take multiple shots- well sometimes, in other times it's just one shot, they give no indication that they're being hit, and when they die, the level abruptly ends.

**Shane**: There are a bunch of weapons in the game, too, but besides a change in firing sound, they feel almost exactly like your standard shot. Sometimes you get a screen-clearing bomb, but other than that, there are really no fun variations in gameplay.

**Adam**: When you finally get to the last level, the chickens are in Asia.

**Shane**: So, how do you make the chickens look Asian, you might ask.

**Adam**: Well, we assumed that they were trying to give them traditional Asian farmer hats.

**Shane**: Yeah, that's great, only they look like traffic cones!

**Adam**: But let's not forget our special little friend: the chicken that is just about to hatch.

**Shane**: How do you greet this newborn life into the world?

**Adam**: Shoot it.

**Shane**: Shoot it again.

**Adam**: Don't stop shooting it!

**Shane**: This chicken right here doesn't actually die or respawn, but you do get points.

**Adam**: So, if you just unload on this plucky fowl without end, you'll actually clear the stage.

**Shane**: Or so we thought. It might look like you finished the game, but this is a fakeout.

**Adam**: Remember how we said that it was difficult to see your health? Yeah, well here's just how hard it is to see.

**Shane**: This whole section shooting and earning points was actually costing us precious life. Every time you shoot the chicken inside the egg, you lose health. Look at it! You're dying! We actually failed at the game, and had to restart all the way from the beginning!

*(Shane and Adam yell)*

**Adam**: This is insane! We were taught the whole game that shooting chickens-

**Shane**: And eggs-

**Adam**: Was totally okay, and even encouraged.

**Shane**: But suddenly, for no reason, meet the one character that has o be spared no matter what with no explanation whatsoever.

**Adam**: Now, you're probably asking yourself "how long is this whole experience"?

**Shane**: Well, let me check my watch- about 30 MINUTES!

**Adam**: Okay, let's keep in mind they actually charged money for this.

**Money Ghost**: What a f\*\*king waste!

**Shane**: People bought this, brought it home, and cleared it faster than it likely took to bring it back home from the game store.

**Adam**: There simply has to be more game here though, right? Let's try classic mode.

**Shane**: Oh, would you look at that? It's the exact same gameplay, but now you have to get a certain amount of points in a set amount of time. Even on hard mode, this is ridiculously easy. It sucks.

**Adam**: Hey, look! There's a multiplayer mode, too.

**Shane and Adam**: It sucks.

**Adam**: I guess that brings us to the only other game mode on the main menu: catch an egg.

**Shane**: Ladies and gentlemen, this is legendary. Let me describe a simple game concept to you: you've got four chickens, each one randomly laying an egg. Once laid, the eggs begin to travel down a slide. You control a character who must catch the eggs with a basket before they fall and break on the ground.

**Adam**: You'd expect the controls to be performed with a couple quick button presses. Likely, you'd use a directional pad.

**Shane**: Instead of using buttons, you control this idiot farmer collecting eggs by physically waving your hand around with the Wii remote!

**Adam**: Motion controls! People love 'em!

**Shane**: Controlling the farmer is done invisibly in the air. You swing your Wii remote all around with no rhyme or reason, with the ever so slight possibility that maybe you might POSSIBLY CATCH A FREAKIN' EGG!

**Adam**: I have never experienced controls this bad before in any Wii game I've ever played.

**Shane**: If you were in any way hoping to add some extra game time to this already criminally short game, well, you'll only find 30 seconds at best here before you chuck the Wii remote at your screen!

**Adam**: This is a complete failure of a game. *Chicken Shoot* controls terribly, it sounds awful, it's ugly, it's lazy, it's a complete and utter waste of everyone's time!

**Shane**: **IT'S JUST BAD.**