TRP: Goro and Hansel (Scars)

**Lina:**

 [Setting: I don't fucking know, Izzy, when DOES this take
place huh? When does Hansel decide he wants to talk about shit?!]

Goro spent most of the morning holed up in his room,
puzzling over the manuscript Mishka had given him for Candlenight, grinding his
teeth in frustration, and ultimately deciding Mishka had gotten the cursed
incomprehensible thing for him as a grand "fuck you." Very fucking
funny, Mishka. The illustrations were neat, though.

When he finally made it downstairs, the kitchen was empty.
He sliced himself a couple pieces of bread and dropped them on the stove to
toast. He thought about making himself some tea. Other people drank tea. He
went to the shelf where it was stored and squinted at the assorted containers.
He went for the one that was mostly empty, since that would obviously be the
best one.

When his toast was ready, he checked the butter crock and
found it empty. No jam, either. Oh fucking well. He took his food and his tea
into the dining room. Sat there and chewed slowly, the toast crunching and
scraping in his mouth. He tried sips of tea to wash it down with, but it was
bitter and astringent. Must've steeped it too long. Well, it'd been worth a
shot.

**Izzy:**

 It was still snowing outside. Gave Hansel an excuse to not
get back to work on the field, which he took advantage of, and contented
himself with staying inside and staying warm. The Candlenight tree was still
up, shedding needles that got tracked all over the castle, making everything
smell of pine alongside the woodsmoke of the constantly-crackling hearths.

It was fucking nice.

He padded down to the kitchen. Fucking hungry. Starving, now
that he had his appetite back at all, just hadn't talked himself into rolling
out of his warm bed and away from his sleepy husband before now. Still tired
him out a bit, walking all the way down -- fucking castle -- but once he got
there his mood brightened.

Fuckin' Goro. Eating toast like it might kill him, judging
by that goddamn face.

Hansel detoured to pass by him on the way to the kitchen,
dropping a hand in his shoulder and kissing the top of his head. "Hey,
jackass."

He grabbed a hunk of bread from the kitchen, dropped it on a
plate and balanced a steaming mug and a jar of honey next to it and headed back
to sit next to Goro. God, only he could make breakfast look like torture.
Fucking loved that guy.

**Lina:**

 "Hi," Goro said, mouth full. His heart had leapt
when Hansel walked into the room, then threatened to choke him when Hansel
kissed his head. He made himself swallow another bite of dry toast. Hansel came
back in and sat beside him with the honey jar. Fuck, honey. Why hadn't Goro
thought of that? Was kind of embarrassing, actually. He'd have to pretend like
he wanted his toast plain all along. He took another bite.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel silently finished his tea up -- not too much honey,
just enough to cut the bitterness -- then slid the jar towards Goro and started
tearing the bread into bite-sized pieces.

**Lina:**

 Goro gave in, drizzling some honey onto his remaining toast
and into his tea. He tried not to stare at Hansel while he ate, even though he
really liked looking at Hansel. "So," he said, but had nothing to
follow it up with.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel swallowed a bite and said, "So I heard you
wanted me to fuckin' break up with Mishka."

**Lina:**

 Goro froze, toast halfway to his mouth. Felt like he'd been
hit in the gut. He lowered the toast back to the plate and gingerly brushed his
fingers together to dust off the crumbs. "No. I don't."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel didn't look at him, kept eating. "Funny. S'what
you told Mishka."

**Lina:**

 "I--" He let out a short, desperate laugh. It
seemed like Hansel was giving him a chance to explain himself, and he didn't
know what to fucking say. "I did, but... I don't, now. I was wrong. See, I
thought... for a couple of days, I thought..."

He stared intently at the crumbs on his plate, and used the
tip of his finger to squash them. They stuck to his skin, collecting together.
"I thought maybe he was wrong for you. Like he doesn't love you. He does,
obviously, but... I wasn't sure. And what the two of you have--you know,
husbands, my love, my soul, my star, it's--" He paused and closed his
eyes, hands stilling. He'd been snatching at wisps of smoke in the air. Trying
to grab things that weren't really there for him to take. "I know you're
not going to leave him. I don't want you to, either. I know it was a shitty
thing for me to say."

He thought of following it up with I'm sorry, but... it felt
off. Disingenuous. Like he only had so much sorry to give, and he'd already
given it to Mishka. He'd been hurting when he said those things, and it still
hurt a little when he let himself think about it, which he was trying to stop.
He just didn't think he had it in him, for once, to keep beating himself up.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel studied Goro out of the corner of his eye. He'd been
ready to say it's not going to happen and I'm not sorry about that, and this
doesn't have to change anything, we just have to talk about it. But it seemed
like the problem was already -- fixed. Huh.

So he put his arm around Goro's shoulders and pulled him in
to kiss the top of his head briefly -- because he'd done that fucking laugh he
did, when not a goddamn thing was funny -- then let him go and said, "All
right, chatichi. S'all I needed to hear. Love you," and went back to
eating.

**Lina:**

 Goro put a crumb in his mouth. His appetite was shot now, if
he'd had one to begin with. He thought about asking if Hansel believed in that
crap about soul mates, but he knew better than to ask questions he might not
like the answers to. Thought about saying I love you back, but didn't have the
voice for it. He forced down a few gulps of the tea--now cloying from all the
honey he'd put into it.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel finished his bread quietly. Goro still seemed -- off,
but Hansel wasn't sure what to say to him.

He didn't really remember what he'd said to him before
Candlenight. Mostly remembered crying his eyes out and throwing shit -- he knew
he'd been fucked up. But Goro had curled up with him then, until Mishka had
gotten home.

He swished his tea around in his mug, watching the leaves
spin. Would've been nice to not have to trade one for the other.

"So you want me to show you how to use that compass, or
what?" he ventured.

**Lina:**

 "Oh. Yeah." Goro sat up straighter and held his
arm level, and looked at where the needle was pointing. He pointed that way
with his finger. "That's north." He laughed weakly. "Not sure
what I'm supposed to do with that information, though."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel gave him an amused look. "Do you have any
fucking idea which direction Skyport is from here?"

**Lina:**

 "Uh." Goro thought about the road you took to get
there, and pointed in that direction.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel contained a snort, badly. "The road fucking
curves, idiot. All right, c'mere." He pushed his chair back and stood,
waving for Goro to stand with him. "C'mere."

**Lina:**

 Goro stood up and moved to stand beside Hansel, still
holding his wrist out level.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel pulled Goro's back against his chest, draping an arm
around his shoulders and gently holding his wrist still with the other hand,
waiting for the metal needle to stop wobbling.

All of this was completely not fucking necessary to show him
how to use a compass, but Hansel did it anyway, because he wanted to.

"All right." He wrapped his hand around the
underside of Goro's wrist, fingers on the compass. "See how it's got this
ring that moves?" He shifted the outer casing with his fingertips to
demonstrate. "You line it up so your needle points at the N. Gives you a
bead on the other cardinal directions." He glanced out the dining hall
windows, to the north. "Keep's built on them, I noticed. Real precise.
Town's straight south. Skyport's to the east -- I can show you the maps,
upstairs, if you want -- but the road leaving Glimmerton's south, curves
south-east, then back north-east. Field's to the east --" he tapped the
compass -- "so as the crow flies, it's shorter to get to Skyport through
the woods. But don't fucking go through the woods."

Motherfucker would just get lost. Hansel kissed the top of
his head.

"Just check the compass sometimes, next time we're out
on the road. Get your bearings." He thought for a second and grinned.
"I'll get you a map and fuckin' quiz you."

**Lina:**

 "Mm. Glimmerton south, Skyport east, but road goes
southeast then northeast." Trying to commit it to memory, but Hansel's
warmth against his back was fucking distracting. "Normally I'm a pretty
quick study but I don't think I've ever had a teacher as... uh... like you.
Don't laugh at me if I fail the quiz."

**Izzy:**

 "Hm. No promises." Hansel propped his chin on
Goro's head.

**Lina:**

 "Well. Uh. Is there anything else?" Goro would've
just fucking kissed him, if they were facing each other. God, he felt so good.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel was quiet for a moment. Thought about saying nope,
just don't wander into the forest, because I'm completely positive you'll
fucking die. Or turning him around and kissing him and telling him the lesson
was over but that didn't mean Hansel was through with him. Or telling him,
somehow, that he and Mishka were getting remarried -- and quickly telling him
it didn't change anything -- but everyone except Mishka and himself seemed to
assume that anyway, so maybe it didn't matter.

His thumb found the spot on his finger where his ring used
to be, absently, looping around Goro's wrist. He pulled Goro's arm in to his
chest, wrapping around him, looking out the window -- watching the snow.

He could just not fucking say anything, and that would be
easier, and maybe after a little bit he'd inform Goro that they were going to
his room and locking his half-dozen locks and staying there for a while. Or
they'd just sit and fucking watch the snow, and have a nice, quiet goddamn
time.

Eventually, though, he knew Goro would break the silence,
because Goro couldn't be still and quiet for long, so he did it himself first
and said, "You left me a note."

**Lina:**

 "I did." Goro tilted his head back, trying to look
at Hansel upside-down. Well, he could see his chin, anyway. "You, uh. You
up for talking about it?" Damn, Hansel was so fucking warm, though. Goro
didn't want to do anything that would make him let go, pull away. "We
could also... talk about something else, I don't know. I just." Just want
to be with you. He'd said as much already, hadn't he? But it sounded stupid in
his head, now.

Also, he did really want to ask some fucking questions. No
matter how comfortable he ever got curled up with Hansel, his mind was
churning, mulling things over. Was a goddamn curse.

**Izzy:**

 "Yeah." He had a couple thoughts. One was that
Goro's note had said he had questions, about what had happened during the
storm, and Hansel didn't know if he could answer them. Luci seemed to know more
about this shit than he did, and he was the one it'd happened to. The second
thought was Goro's phrasing -- you up for talking about it?

Made him uneasy somehow. He didn't know if that meant are
you going to cry again or are you going to throw shit at me again, or both.

He was just going to -- not do either of those things.
Solved the fucking problem. Didn't have to think about it. He would stay calm
and he would do as he said and not fucking hurt Goro.

"Yeah," he repeated. "We should fuckin' ...
sit down, or something. This is gonna be a whole goddamn thing, isn't it?"
Eldath, he hated having to have talks.

**Lina:**

 "Uh. I don't know. Doesn't have to be, but... it might.
Let's sit down, yeah. Somewhere... comfortable?" he said, eyeing the hard
dining room chairs.

**Izzy:**

 Fucking stairs. There wasn't anywhere better to sit on the
first floor -- there was the sunroom on the other side of the kitchen, but it'd
be fucking freezing, with all that glass -- so Hansel unwound his arms from around
Goro, keeping hold of his wrist to pull him along. "All right."

Somewhere private, maybe. Maybe not the sitting area on the
second floor -- maybe the one in the east tower, just down the stairs from
Goro's quarters. There was a fireplace there, and a couch. And no one else
lived in the tower. Yeah, that'd be good. He led Goro in that direction.

**Lina:**

 "Huh," Goro said when Hansel settled onto the same
couch where he and Mishka had their talk recently. "You and Mishka think
alike."

Seemed like a stupid thing to say, as soon as he was done
with it. But he couldn't decide whether it was stupid in an of course they
think alike way or a ridiculous, they think nothing alike way. Eh.

Just like last time, Goro knelt in front of the hearth to
start the fire. But unlike last time, instead of staying huddled in front of it
when it was lit, he went straight to the couch and climbed on to curl up with
Hansel.

**Izzy:**

 "Yeah, well, fuckin' married and all," Hansel
commented absently. He settled more comfortably once Goro was beside him,
automatically putting an arm around him again. Just -- fucking fit. He thought
for a second about all the time they'd spent having known each other and not
doing this. Goddamn ridiculous. He rested his lips against Goro's hair and watched
the fire.

**Lina:**

 The way Goro pressed himself against Hansel, nuzzling as
close as he could get, made him feel like some nosy animal trying to dig its
way deeper into a burrow. He was reluctant to even peel his face away far
enough to talk, so he didn't, for a while.

If he didn't say something soon, though, Hansel might fall
asleep. So he made himself start.

"How much of it... do you remember?"

**Izzy:**

 Hansel didn't answer right away. He thought -- he'd
remembered it better, at first. He remembered the moment of clarity, in the
dungeon, laughing past his broken ribs in relief when he realized he hadn't had
any fucking say in what his body had done to them. But he wasn't positive where
that clarity had come from.

Made him wonder if he'd had one before, too, and just
fucking forgotten it while he'd been starving to death on the way to Skyport.

"Dunno," he said lowly, without moving.
"Parts."

**Lina:**

 Hm. Well. That could mean anything. Whatever he remembered
probably wasn't fucking pleasant--for days after Diva had called in her first
forty-two seconds, Goro hadn't been able to close his eyes without seeing
himself smashing Mishka's head against the ground in the crow's nest, or
cramming a larva down Joan's throat, all while he screamed and screamed silently
in his own mind. Even thinking about it now gave him a shudder, and he held
Hansel tighter.

"Don't know if you'll know what I'm talking about,
then, but. My magic. It, uh. Didn't fucking work. At all. Like, nothing. And
the thing was, I could tell I was casting it right, it was... it was there, it
just didn't do fucking anything. That wasn't true for everyone else, though.
Gwydion had you paralyzed there, for a few seconds."

**Izzy:**

 Goro shivered and nestled closer to him, and Hansel didn't
know what to make of that. Then he thought of fucking Diva in Goro's head,
using him, fucking up his memory while he was chained up in the basement. He
wanted to say it wasn't that bad, it wasn't like that, I'm fine -- reassure him
-- but once Diva'd really gotten Goro, they'd all been ready for it, kept him
from hurting anyone. Hansel couldn't say the same for himself. Of course he was
fine.

He thought about Serena cursing him, half-dead already, her
attempts at magic slipping off him. Hunter setting him on fire reflexively, the
flames sizzling out in the rain.

"Yeah. Same thing happened last time." His jaw
tightened, but he made himself say it -- "My shipmate, Serena -- cleric of
Selune. She tried -- something. Didn't work." He paused. "I felt it,
though. When you tried. Just shrugged it off, like -- that night on the way to
Calimport." It'd only felt different because the faint hold of Goro's
magic had been a relief, this time, instead of infuriating. Stop me, he'd
thought, Keep trying, fuck, please stop me.

**Lina:**

 Selune. Navigation. Hansel had said--or maybe it was Larkin
or Mishka telling him what Kheman said--they were lost, drifting, no clue what
direction they were going. That gave Goro a chill. How could you get so lost
with a cleric of Selune on board?

Unless someone was interfering.

"Yeah. I was wondering if, maybe, it didn't work
because Gruumsh, or whoever, is stronger than Mask. So it just does fuck
all."

**Izzy:**

 Selune, he knew, was a powerful fucking goddess, and Serena
had been a fucking force of nature, herself. But she'd been weakened by the
time Hansel had gotten to her. Maybe the storm had made her connection to
Selune waver, or she'd just been too drained to use her abilities as well as
usual. Hansel didn't know about these things. Maybe Goro was right -- maybe
Gruumsh was just a bigger fucking deity.

"Don't know," he said. "Is that how cleric
shit works, usually?"

**Lina:**

 "Well, I don't know. But everything I do comes from
Mask, and I know Mask ain't a big guy. Clever, but not super strong. Kind of
like me. Hah." Goro scoffed. "Y'know, it'd be like if a guy my size
were trying to hit you in the face. Uh." That had been a bad example.
Little too fucking close to home. "I, uh, I guess I was just, wondering if
you felt anything. If you had any sense for what was going on. That doesn't
tell me much, though, knowing you just shrugged it off. Eh. Was worth a
shot."

**Izzy:**

 "Hm." Hansel mulled it over, absently stroking
Goro's arm with a thumb.

Everything he knew about the Orcish pantheon came from
Elitash, and she wasn't a full-blooded orc either. She'd learned it from her
mother, who was. He didn't know how accurate third-hand information was --
didn't know how accurate anything anyone knew about the gods was. But Gruumsh
was the big one. The one the orc tribes in the mountains worshiped. And he knew
that the more worshipers a god had, the more powerful it got -- it was a cycle
that fed itself.

He didn't know about Mask, but he knew about Shargaas -- orc
thieves worshiped that one, and he was small-time, because there weren't that
many fucking orc thieves -- and, he figured, because a war god was bound to
have more weight to throw around than a thief god, just by its fucking nature.

"There this one," he said, not sure where he was
going with it, and stopping short to think for a beat. "There's this one
orc god called Ilneval. Supposed to the patron of half-orcs, or fucking
whatever, second-in-command to Gruumsh." Not the first mate, Elitash'd
said -- that was Luthic -- more like the master at arms. "Smaller war god,
I guess." He wasn't sure why he'd even brought it up. "My -- my
shipmate Elitash, she worshiped him. Said he'd look out for us. Or he was
supposed to."

**Lina:**

 "Mm." Goro turned his face and kissed Hansel's
chest. "Maybe we can get all the other gods to gang up on Gruumsh. I bet
there's a lot of them who've got beefs with him."

**Izzy:**

 "Elf gods," he said automatically.
"Corellon." Mishka's god, vaguely. "Don't know any others, but
-- fuckin' elves and orcs, y'know."

**Lina:**

 "Do I?" Goro lifted his head, smiling, and kissed
Hansel on the mouth.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel snorted, distracted from his thoughts (tactics,
battle plans; how did Elitash pray to Ilneval; did Mishka even know how to
petition Corellon; what did you offer a god to start a war with another god;
what did you do when they refused, just fucking kill them too? He would, it
just seemed like a lot of hassle to go through; how did you kill a god when it
could take over your body; did gods have hearts and could he fucking rip
Gruumsh's out and show it to him).

He quieted, and chose to enjoy this, instead, looking away
from the fire to grin at Goro, raising a hand to the nape of his neck. "I
guess you've got a bit of fuckin' experience with it, sure."

**Lina:**

 "Bit of fucking experience. That is how they put it,
isn't it?" Goro pulled away a little, teasing, testing Hansel's hold on
him.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel held him in place. He'd walked right into that one,
to be fair, but he didn't get the impression he would win many fuckin' verbal
battles with Goro. Just have to put him in his place some other way, he
supposed.

He pulled Goro in by the neck and kissed him hard, slipping
his other arm around his waist in case he thought there was any chance of him
getting away.

"You could use some more," Hansel told him.

**Lina:**

 God, he sure could. There had not been enough Hansel in his
bed the last few days. He had to rein himself in before he got too fucking
excited, though.

He put his fingers over Hansel's mouth--fucking fine idea
that was, now he just had another way to feel his lips--and said, "Now,
hang on. I'm trying to problem solve here." Like he hadn't started it.
"This has been... it's been bugging me." He didn't even want to admit
how much. He didn't want to make Hansel feel worse than he already must have.
He leaned against Hansel heavily, sliding his arms around his neck. Saying, I'm
not scared of you. "I don't know what to do. I think I might've fucking...
died... if the others hadn't shown up. Don't tell me I can just never be alone
with you again. Alone-alone, I mean. Away from other people."

Hansel had talked about wanting to take him on a date. Goro
didn't want a fucking chaperone.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel locked up. Fucking Goro -- catching him off-guard
with this shit. Fuck. He didn't know if he was supposed to pull away, but it
would've been tricky with Goro holding onto him, anyway.

He thought about saying, I almost killed all of you. Not
just you. All of you together nearly fucking died -- you can't just all be
there, any time one of you wants to be. It's not fucking practical.

He thought about saying, But I understand if you don't want
--

But that wasn't what Goro was saying -- he was all but
saying the opposite. He was being fucking defiant, telling Hansel to not tell
him not to do something that Hansel hadn't fucking not told him to do.

Carefully, Hansel said, "I never said you can't fucking
be alone with me."

They'd been alone together for the better part of the day
before Candlenight, even if he hadn't been awake for most of it (And look what
you fucking did then, motherfucker, he told himself, and responded, Oh, what,
fucking told him I'm in love with him? Yeah, what a fuck up, right? Fuck off.)

**Lina:**

 "I know, but, what I'm saying is--" He chickened
out on explaining, though, and instead planted his face against Hansel's chest.
"Did, uh." His voice was muffled. "Was it, uh, making you target
me? More than the others?"

It had sure fucking seemed like it, but details got fuzzy
when you took that many hits to the head.

**Izzy:**

 The voice had said wait for them, and kill them all.

He couldn't remember -- any reason beyond that. Any
direction. Just kill them all.

But it had told him to kill Serena first. He remembered
that, remembered Hunter trying to defend her, shanking him with a horn because
she'd lost her crossbow in the storm, remembered Luci kneeling over Goro's body
with glowing hands, remembered thinking fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck --

He crushed Goro against his chest and murmured into his
hair. "I don't know. I don't know -- why it fucking would. It just said --
it told me to wait, and -- kill all of you. That was all. And it said it wasn't
done with me."

**Lina:**

 "Alright. Alright, we'll just have to fucking kill it,
I guess."

He didn't know how, though. He was so fucking useless, and
so fucking scared, and if it were anything else he'd tell Hansel he was scared
and then Hansel would protect him from it. But Hansel couldn't protect him from
this.

It was fine. Maybe he wasn't strong, but he could be clever,
like Mask. He'd be fucking conniving, and manipulative, and trick Gruumsh into
fucking himself over. There had to be a way.

He clung to Hansel, hiding his face and squeezing fistfuls
of Hansel's shirt. There was no way to convince his brain that Hansel wasn't
safe, and he didn't even want to. Even if Hansel couldn't protect him from
this, he could let himself forget that, for a while.

**Izzy:**

 "Yeah. No fucking question," Hansel muttered, like
he had to Mishka, like that was all there was to it.

Because fucking Gruumsh wasn't going to panic Mishka, and
wasn't going to scare Goro, and wasn't going to control him anymore -- not
physically, and not by making him afraid he'd hurt his crew, making him pull
away from them, avoid something as fucking amazing as what he had with Goro now
and could have fucking had before if he'd let himself realize it was a
possibility.

Hansel wasn't going to fucking drown again.

He was really fucking good at killing things. That was all
he knew. "We'll just fucking kill it. Not a problem," he said, and
believed it. "What the fuck's a god, anyway? Sounds fucking self-important
to me. Can't be that big of a goddamn deal."

**Lina:**

 Goro lifted his face to smile at him. "You know who
else thought she was a big fucking deal? Diva. And look what you did to
her."

**Izzy:**

 "Yeah, fuckin' exactly." He slipped a hand through
Goro's hair. Still missed the length of it, but it was growing back. "I
haven't fuckin' met anything yet that appreciated having a trident jammed into
it." He paused, looking past Goro for a second, frowning. "Fuck. My
trident's in the goddamn lake. I keep forgetting."

**Lina:**

 Goro started to laugh, realized it wasn't funny, and held
his breath to stop himself. He blew it out slow. "Uh, well. If you need
help finding it, I can cast a spell to divine its location."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel snorted at Goro attempting to not laugh. "Mm. I
can probably find it. Still got the other one, anyway, if anything comes that
needs shanking before then."(edited)

**Lina:**

 Goro lay quietly against him for a while. His hands began to
search, running along whatever areas he could reach--Hansel's hips, his arms
and hands, his shoulders. Maybe Goro either had to be moving or talking,
couldn't do neither. He'd never really thought about it. Hansel could be both
still and quiet. So could Amari. Freaks.

His hands came to rest, finally, at Hansel's sides. Ticklish
sides, he remembered, and the corners of his mouth twitched. He wasn't going to
do that now, though. Instead he whispered, "I have another question."

**Izzy:**

 "M'kay." As usual, he had no fucking clue what would
come out of Goro's mouth next. Could be a joke. Could be something fucking
awful. Hansel kissed the top of his head either way.

**Lina:**

 Goro had half expected Hansel to tense up, but he was the
one tensing up instead. His heart started beating faster. You shouldn't ask
questions you might not like the answers to, no--but he really fucking wanted
an answer to this.

"You said, the other day, that you were in love with
me. I was just wondering if you were, you know, out of it. Or fucking with me,
or something."

**Izzy:**

 "Goro. For fucksake." Hansel pried Goro off his
chest to hold him by the shoulders, firmly -- not at arm's length, but about
halfway there. Still close. Just to look him in the eyes. "I'm not fucking
with you. Why would I do that? I was -- fucked up, but -- look, motherfucker, I
knew I was in love with you before that." He just had a tendency to not
tell himself these things, until a pirate almost killed him or a god almost
broke him. "Fuck. Yes, chatichi, I'm fuckin' in love with you. God."

**Lina:**

 Goro reached up to cup Hansel's face in both his hands.
"Okay. Okay. Good." He couldn't stop smiling. He knew he had to look
like a loon, but he couldn't stop. He fucking giggled, even. God, just that
fucking giddy pleasure again. That joy.

**Izzy:**

 Satisfied with that response, Hansel pulled Goro back in to
hug him, tucking Goro under his chin.

"Fuckin' idiot."

**Lina:**

 "Well, how'm I supposed to know," Goro mumbled
against him. "No one's ever told me that before."

**Izzy:**

 "Their fuckin' loss, honestly." He kissed the top
of Goro's head. Fuck, what a grim thing to have to say. He'd just taken it for
granted. Hadn't considered. Goro was so fucking -- odd -- Hansel forgot certain
aspects of him, at times. He was fucking incongruous with himself, all dangerous
toothy smiles at the same time he was fucking terrified and clinging to Hansel
for comfort.

"You want me to keep saying it?" Hansel teased
gently. "I'll keep fuckin' sayin' it. Fuck you, Goro. I'm in love with
you. I'll fuckin' say it in Orcish. Elvish. What else you fuckin' got?
Dwarvish? You don't even fucking know that one. How about that, you little
shit?"

**Lina:**

 Goro kept grinning against Hansel's chest. Squirming,
because it was the best way to make sure Hansel had a good hold on him.
Although...

"No," he said, and squirmed harder, bracing his
hands against Hansel's chest to push himself up. "No, I want... I want you
to just... look at me. For a minute."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel looked at him, and studied his face in exquisite
fucking detail. Not much of a fucking imposition. He was quiet, for a moment,
but Goro didn't seem to abide the quiet very well, so he softly said,
"Long as you want."

**Lina:**

 He wanted it a long time, even if it meant Hansel wasn't
crushing him against his chest. Sacrifices, sacrifices. Hansel's eyes roamed
over his face, dipping down now and then to his neck and the curve of his
collarbone visible just over the top of his shirt. Always his gaze returned to
Goro's eyes, and would settle there for a moment before studying some other
part of him.

Goro flushed under the scrutiny, heat blooming in his skin.
"The way you look at me..." he started, and stopped to catch his
breath. "You make me feel like a treasure you've found, and don't want to
stop holding and admiring. It's... it's weird." He laughed, then gestured
up and down at himself. "Most people look at me like I'm pestilence and
plague. I think you must be off in the head, but I'll take it. You make me feel
beautiful."

**Izzy:**

 "Oh, yeah, no, I definitely am," Hansel said
easily, and pulled Goro in to kiss him, then let him go and draw back again if
he wanted. "But I'm right about this. You're fucking gorgeous." All
harsh angles, and gray eyes with something always going on behind them.

Fucking absurd, he thought, that anyone would look at Goro
that way. As goddamn ridiculous as someone telling Mishka there was something
wrong with him. These fucking people. Hansel was just going to have to prove
them wrong, as long as that took.

He started to say who do I have to kill -- who made you feel
like you weren't worth this but he wasn't sure if Goro would appreciate the
quiet viciousness. Instead, he said, "One time -- in the eastern sea --
this ship I was serving on stopped at an island. There was another ship wrecked
there, we thought there'd be gold -- doesn't matter." He brushed it off.
"But there was this temple there, all fucking ruined, ancient, covered in
moss and mushrooms, and -- in the center -- under where the ceiling had collapsed
in -- there was a statue of this god. Completely fucking untouched, just ...
standing in the sun. Like it was waiting for us to see it."

He stopped to just look at Goro a moment more.

"That's what you look like, I think. Doesn't matter
what's around you, or what happens. Perfectly fucking carved and warm and
unbreakable. Fucking deific."

He traced the line of Goro's cheekbone with a thumb.

"I'm just glad I saw you."

**Lina:**

 Goro couldn't say anything. There was nothing to say, even
if he'd wanted to. He stared at Hansel for a while, waiting for the fucking
laugh to come or whatever, but it didn't. Hansel stroked his cheek and kept
looking at him like he was a treasure.

Like he was a fucking god, apparently.

Goro wanted to kiss him, but he wasn't sure he had the
energy even for that much. He lowered himself onto Hansel's chest and just
rested there, rising and falling with Hansel's breaths like he was riding
waves.

Amari had been the first person to ever make Goro feel like
he was worth being loved, and it had made him willing to kill and die for her.
Hansel made him feel like he was worth even more. Goro didn't know what to do
with all the fucking feelings it gave him. So he did nothing; he just lay
there, and Hansel let him.

A strange little thought came to him, tugging the corners of
his mouth into a smile.

Mishka had said that someday, years down the road, Hansel
could love Goro the exact same way he loved Mishka. Goro still didn't think
that was true. But maybe he and Hansel could grow something of their own.
Something different, shared just between them. That was even better for Goro,
really, because it gave him the joy of discovery. The thrill of novelty. He didn't
know what exactly he and Hansel could build together, but he knew he wanted it.

It was such a happy thought he almost wanted to share it out
loud, but... maybe it was something best kept to himself, for now.

December 28, 2018

**Izzy:**

 Goro didn't respond, and Hansel thought, God, yeah, that was
a lot. Fuck. Shouldn't have said that. He wasn't great at lying -- except to
himself -- but sometimes he needed to just keep his fucking mouth shut. Mishka
had said something, months ago, about how Hansel shouldn't leave him alone with
Goro because he always did or said something that got him in trouble, and
Hansel could fucking understand the problem. Couldn't fucking be stoic with him
around. He was kind of goddamn exhausted of being stoic, though. Didn't mind
it.

And ... fuck, actually -- why had Mishka said that? Why did
that happen to him, too, with Goro? Huh.

He'd think about it later. Goro slumped against him like he
was the most comfortable thing in the world, and he was -- still, and quiet,
for once. Hansel hadn't worked out yet if it was a bad thing when Goro went
silent, or if it just meant he was calm. He was always fucking moving, and maybe
he was just like that, and it was fine, but Hansel always wanted to hold him in
place and shush him. Tell him to relax. Tell him he didn't have any fucking
choice. He wanted to say It's okay. I've got you. Settle down. Hush.

He really fucking loved the fidgety manic energy, though,
too. The way Goro couldn't stop touching him, couldn't decide where to touch
him; the way his eyes darted around the room as he thought; the laugh that
wasn't a laugh; the grin that was still almost nervous as much as excited, like
he would say something like all I want to do is be with you or I love you too
fucking much and then fucking run away and hide behind something before he had
to hear Hansel's response, in case it wasn't the one he hoped for. Except that
-- Hansel thought, maybe self-centeredly -- he was the thing that Goro wanted
to hide behind, too.

God, fucking Goro. He still wasn't sure when this had
happened -- overnight or over months. Felt like both, somehow. He just knew he
was so fucking lucky to have it -- to feel this twice, and for it to be
reciprocated both times.

He traced an aleph on Goro's back, idly, and before Goro
could rally and get back to moving around and saying bizarre, fantastic shit,
he quietly asked, "Did you mean it? You said it too."

Not so much that he doubted it. Maybe he just wanted to hear
it again. But -- he'd been fucked up, and maybe Goro had just wanted him to
feel better. They'd been arguing a second before, though. And he seemed so
fucking happy that Hansel hadn't been fucking with him. It just still seemed
goddamn absurd, but Goro was an absurd goddamn person.

**Lina:**

 Goro stirred, shifting and curling against Hansel. Finding
enough energy to cling to him again, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt.
"Yeah. Yeah, I meant it." It didn't feel like enough to leave it
there. It was too easy to say, and he felt like he had to prove it; offer up
some evidence. But he didn't fucking have any. It just was. "I fucking
meant it. I didn't even mean to say it, it just fucking fell out of me."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel was quiet for a little while. That was -- what he'd
expected to hear, but the fact that he'd expected it was fucking strange to
him, and so was the fact that his expectation had actually been met. Fucking
confusing all around. It'd seemed real, though, when Goro had clung to his leg
and just said it -- like he'd said it a dozen times before, like I'm in love
with you was no different than I love you. And he'd struggled to even get to I
love you.

Yeah. Fucking confusing. But ... it checked out, somehow.
Felt true.

"Good." He shifted to get a little more comfortable,
keeping Goro close to him, and rested his lips on top of Goro's head again.
"All right, well -- maybe this won't fucking matter to you, anyway, but
keep in mind that I'm in love with you, and I'm not fucking with you, when I
tell you that me and Mishka are getting remarried."

**Lina:**

 Goro lifted his head to look Hansel in the eye. Oh, fuck.
Fuck, that was confusing. How the hell could you get re-married when you were
already married? What was the point? They called each other "husband"
already, even though Mishka had denied it, and then said it fucked him
up--which was all, in and of itself, completely confusing, and now...
fucking... what the fuck...

And why would Hansel be telling him this now? It meant...
change. Something was changing. They wouldn't be getting re-married unless something
was different. They were fucking doubling down on their marriage or something.

Shit, he needed to say... whatever it was you were supposed
to say when someone told you they were getting married.

"Congratulations."

**Izzy:**

 "Thanks," Hansel said, amused by the rote
response. "Just thought you should know. Seems like your business, since
it's my business, and we're in fucking love, and all."

**Lina:**

 Hansel just thought he should know. Alright. But fucking
what did it mean. Goro tried to go over everything they'd just said that led up
to "me and Mishka are getting remarried," and make sure he hadn't
missed something. If they were going to be extra fucking married, or whatever,
maybe that meant Hansel had to back off from whatever he had going on with
Goro. That was how most people did it; they got married to one person and were
faithful to just them. And, like he was pretty sure, Hansel and Mishka were
having sex again, so maybe that had something to do with all this. The two of
them, and that was all.

I'm in love with you, but.

Hansel hadn't said but, though. This sounded more like an
I'm in love with you, and.

He'd said maybe this won't fucking matter to you.

Maybe he was just telling Goro because it was important to
him. Just wanted Goro to know--hey, something special's happening for me, and
I'd like you to share in it.

People did that, right? They shared their joys and their
sorrows alike. Sounded fuckin' normal, but Goro couldn't help wondering if it
was just wishful thinking on his part, trying to find the potential bright
side. Sitting there, staring at Hansel, confusing himself to death when he
could just--

fucking--

ask.

He opened his mouth to say does this change anything for you
and me but instead caught himself wondering if they were going to fucking ask
him to officiate, and maybe that was why Hansel was telling him, and oh fucking
fuck, maybe he'd just conveniently not be around on the day of the wedding,
he'd fuck off to the Sanctuary for a while or something, visiting Amari, no one
could fault him for that, right, but it'd probably seem too obvious, with the
timing--

"I have to go visit my mother," he said, before
he'd had a chance to think the better of it. Shit. Fucking idiot. "Maybe
I'll b--bring her back for the wedding." Fucking fuck. "She can
officiate."

Well. That was one fucking solution.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel studied Goro and scratched his beard. Hm. He was
taking this fairly well, it seemed like, but Hansel still needed to say
something else. Wasn't sure exactly what.

"Mm. Don't know if we're having a ceremony or anything.
Just making it legal and shit," he tried. "Haven't set a date."
Weird, him bringing up Amari like that, all abruptly. "Ah. Want me to come
with, to see your mom? Or, y'know. It can be private."

**Lina:**

 The idea of Hansel coming with--joining Goro and Amari for
quiet dinners, walks in the woods, and those kinds of peaceful and
thought-provoking conversations she always led--well, it sounded fucking
amazing, honestly.

Goro might've misunderstood, though. Maybe Hansel was
planning on bringing the whole clan along.

"You mean... just you?" Goro asked.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel shrugged. "I'm not fuckin' attached to Mishka at
the hip." He kissed Goro's temple. "I can be attached to you
too."

**Lina:**

 "It, uh. It'd be really nice if you came." He
didn't have to feel weird about asking, he told himself, because Hansel had
fucking offered. "You should come. I'll have to... let her know, though. I
didn't actually have plans to visit her up until about a minute ago. Haven't
seen her since I got back from Calimport, though."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel started to make a joke about he hadn't seen his
mother in a good twenty years, but Amari, to be fair, was the kind of mother
you actually felt obligated to visit, he supposed. Then he had a fleeting
moment of nervousness. He was fairly sure he'd left a good impression on Amari,
before -- but shit was different now. Mishka was estranged from his family;
Hansel didn't know if he was any fucking good at ... meeting people's fucking
parents.

He tried to cover it up, prodding, "Last minute plans,
eh. Any particular reason for that?"

**Lina:**

 "Eh. Yeah. I was--" Sometimes it was just fucking
exhausting, dodging the truth all the time. "Thought you might ask me to
officiate, got ahead of myself, looked for a fucking excuse to get out of
it." Ugh, sounded ugly to have said it, though. "Sorry."

**Izzy:**

 "Sounds fucking awkward. I wouldn't ask you to do
that." He paused. Hadn't even thought of that. Fucksake, Goro. "Anyway,
yeah. I'd like seeing Amari. I'll go with you. Just lemme know when." Was
there a way to ask do you think your mother likes me without sounding
ridiculous? Yeah, probably not

**Lina:**

 "I should've figured you wouldn't want to be married in
the name of Mask, anyway. Yeesh. But yeah. We'll go together. It'll be
good." He kissed Hansel's chin. Man, Amari would take one look at the two
of them, and she'd know. It'd make it easier when he said to her, Help me, Ma.
Fix me. I'm trying to do better. She'd know why.

Hell if that wasn't what she'd been trying to do all these
years, though. Fix him.

"But, ah, yeah," he said. "You getting
married again. Does it change anything between you and me?"

There. That wasn't so fucking hard.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel gave him a puzzled look. "Nah. 'Course
not."

**Lina:**

 "What's the point, then? Ah, hang on, that--didn't come
out right." He ducked his face against Hansel's chest again and laughed.
"Alright. Less jackassy way to say it. What's it, what's it mean to you?
Being married? I mean, why do you do it?"

**Izzy:**

 Hansel continued being puzzled. Goro really didn't realize
the degree to which Hansel didn't think about shit, did he. When he'd married
Mishka in the first place it'd just seemed like the right choice on some
deeper-than-gut level. He didn't know if he could explain that -- if it
actually made any sense, outside of his head. Wasn't sure it made any sense
inside, either.

"Mmm. Dunno. Just felt right." Seemed like an
understatement. "I ..." He glanced away, because this part was
fucking uncomfortable, but looked back because it'd worked out. "I
couldn't think of any future where I didn't stay with Mishka 'til I died. No
reason to not make it official." His lips twitched into a crooked grin.
"Think I might've just done it so I could call him my husband. Ishi."

**Lina:**

 "Hm." Seemed like a fair answer, even if Goro
didn't really get it. He'd never been sure why people got married--just assumed
that for most of them, they met someone and just knew they wanted to, somehow.
Which seemed to be what Hansel was saying. Goro hadn't ever questioned it much
because it was one of those things he assumed would never happen to him. He'd
never been able to picture it, before Nixie. And now, even with Nixie, he was
having a hard time picturing it again. Seemed like he'd made a mistake.

If that bullshit about souls splitting apart was true, Goro
figured his must've just stayed in one piece. He couldn't decide if that made
him feel lonely, or not. Why would you want half your soul in another body, all
things considered?

"Mishka said he thinks you guys are one soul that split
apart," he said. Because why the fuck not.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel snorted. "Oh, yeah. Nah, he doesn't think
that." He shook his head, waving it off. Fuckin' Mishka. Had to be the
most romantic, dramatic person Hansel had ever met. Goddamn great, honestly.
"That's some bullshit I told him when we were drunk. I heard it from a
fuckin' bard or something, I think. Years ago. He forgot I was the one who told
him and started telling it back to me," he said, amused. "Just kinda
let him run with it. But nah -- he's not serious. It's just a story." Not
just a story, maybe -- it was why Mishka called him neshama, which wasn't a
joke, or anything. But it wasn't fucking literal, any more than Mishka was
literally a star. Even if it did actually feel like that, sometimes.

**Lina:**

 "Eh. You sure? He..." Goro was about to say he
sounded serious, but honest to god, he could never actually tell when Mishka
was being serious or not. "He calls you neshama."

**Izzy:**

 "Yeah, I mean ..." He tried to think of how to put
it. Goro should probably just fucking ask Mishka about it, but Hansel wasn't
really sure if they were speaking, or what the fuck ever. "He calls me his
heart and soul and right hand, and I call him my moon and star and the light of
my life." Fucking embarrassing to say out loud, to someone who wasn't
Mishka. "We're just ... fucking in love. We just wanna say nice shit about
each other all the time. Doesn't make it, y'know, fuckin' literal."

**Lina:**

 Goro didn't say anything for a while. Then, when he couldn't
resist, he grinned at Hansel and said, "Oh yeah, I guess chatichi isn't
literal either, right?"

**Izzy:**

 "Oh, no, that's incredibly fucking serious,"
Hansel deadpanned.

**Lina:**

 The grin fell away. "You making fun of me?"

**Izzy:**

 "I would never."

**Lina:**

 Goro punched him in the shoulder and scooted up, off, moving
to the end of the couch to sit at Hansel's feet. He fiddled with his clothing,
rolling up his sleeves to make it look like that was why he'd moved. Yeah, real
fucking convincing. He just--fuck. He'd gone and made himself all happy with
that thought of him and Hansel having their own thing, and now he was feeling
sorry for himself again.

Fix me, Ma. Fuckin' help.

She would. She'd know what to say. Goro couldn't imagine
what it would be, but she'd have something.

**Izzy:**

 Well, shit. "Hey. Goro, hey." Hansel shifted
closer to him again and pulled him in by the sleeve he was fidgeting with,
kissing the top of his head, then his cheek, then holding his face to make him
look at him. "I was joking. Or -- being serious, I mean, in a shitty tone
of voice. Fuckin' whatever. I'm not making fun of you, is what I'm
saying."

**Lina:**

 Fucking amazing, the way Hansel kept pouring affection on
him even when he was acting like this. "I know you weren't. I know, I
fucking started it, then I couldn't--fucking--" He sighed. He didn't know
what to say without explaining his issue with being... well, a bitter, envious
motherfucker. And that was embarrassing.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel looked at him expectantly and waited for him to keep
talking.

**Lina:**

 Goro shook his head and wormed his way free, not all the
way, just enough to face away from Hansel and cover his face. "Look. The
reason I told Mishka I hoped you'd leave him--which I don't think anymore,
alright--but the reason is because I... I." Ah, for fuck's sake. "You
know, the way he's your moon and stars and the light of your life--"

God, this was so fucking stupid. He couldn't say it. He fucking
couldn't. Maybe Hansel could fill in the fucking blank.

"I don't think that anymore," he added, again.

**Izzy:**

 Hm. Again, Hansel watched him for a moment, and considered.

Then he said, "Hey, jackass, y'know there's a lot of
fucking stars up there, right?"

**Lina:**

 Goro lowered his hand so only the bottom half of his face
was hidden. Slowly, he turned to look at Hansel in disbelief.

What the fuck. What the fuck, that was romantic. What the
actual fuck. How had Goro managed to find this guy, let alone get him to fall
for him?

"Well," he started, then laughed, dropping his
hand. "I was going to say, I had this idea that--I wouldn't be the same to
you as Mishka is, but that's fine, because I'll be something different, and
we'll build something new together. Something all our own." He blinked.
"But god. Fuck. What the fuck."

Goro climbed on him again, putting his arms around him, and
kissed him over and over, desperately.

He was gonna die. He was gonna fucking die. Just, feeling
this way. It overwhelmed him. Had to be fucking fatal. "You're gonna kill
me," he mumbled between kisses.

December 29, 2018

**Izzy:**

 "Fuck, I hope not," Hansel remarked, between
kisses. What a fucking turnaround. He was starting to think this must be
something he did to people, not something that just happened around him. Like
he had some kind of effect on them. He was used to a different fucking effect
-- the one where he walked into a room and everyone moved half a step back. The
one where people's eyes went to the trident, and the scars, and the tusks, and
they were set on edge. That one was justified.

But then there was fucking Goro, colliding with him all the
time with furious determined affection and acting like Hansel -- fucking Hansel
Granger, the pirate, the cannibal, the murderer, the monster, the half-orc
avatar of Gruumsh -- was the softest, safest place he could be. Mishka knew he
was dangerous, at least, recognized it in him and ached for it and trusted that
Hansel would never turn it on him, only use it to defend him. Fuckin' Goro
acted like he was a big fluffy harmless sheepdog with no teeth.

Hansel wondered what he had done to deserve that, and how he
could keep doing it.

Nixie had been the same way. Roddy a little less so, but the
kid was wary, and he'd warmed up fast. Fuckin' Raef had brushed off what he'd
found out about Hansel with a faint smile. He'd known Gwydion for about two
days and one conversation and that motherfucker had come to check on him after
Hansel had almost killed him, and watched over him as he slept. Even Larkin,
with every fucking reason to hate him, had dove down into the bay and tried to
save him when she'd thought he was drowning.

At some point he had to consider that all of these people
weren't fucking crazy, and maybe he was just fucking ... good. Or something.

"All right, all right," he said after a moment,
affecting annoyance, badly. "Fuckin' calm down, shemeshi." My sun. He
shifted Goro against his chest and held him there, tight, not letting him move
at all, and gently kissed the top of his head. Fuckin' Goro.

**Lina:**

 Goro had a moment--a horrifying moment, frankly--of
realizing he was about to cry.

He remembered how he'd made Amari cry, and when he asked her
why she said, Because I'm so happy.

And he'd teared up a bit then, but this was different. This
was going to be worse. Or better. Embarrassing. When he tried to hold it in, he
inhaled with a sharp gasp, and exhaled with a shudder.

He would have crawled away to curl into a ball, but Hansel
was holding him so tight. So Goro held him back, and cried against his shirt.

It scared him, sometimes, to think about how close he'd come
to never meeting Amari. He'd thought it was shitty luck that the coin purse he
stole that day, years ago, had split and scattered its contents all over the
ground. It was the only time the paladins had ever caught him, and he'd cursed
and sworn at Mask for not looking out for him, before he realized when he was
older that it was actually Mask saving his life.

And what turn of events had led him and Hansel together? If
any little thing had been different, somewhere up the line, would they just
never have met?

He didn't feel scared about it. Didn't feel scared about how
he might not have met Amari, either. For once he felt a sense of fucking peace.
So what if his life had been a shit show? So what if he'd squeezed through by a
hair, if it landed him here?

"I never thought someone would feel this way about
me," he said, once he got a breath big enough. "I thought I'd always
be alone."

**Izzy:**

 Goro did the opposite of calming down -- he started crying
into Hansel's chest. For fucksake, he thought, you fucking made him cry again,
great job, but Goro didn't remotely stop clinging to him or try to get away, so
Hansel just -- squeezed him tighter, and assumed that this was all right, and
shushed him, and whispered, "Hey, hey, it's okay, I got you, it's
okay," and kept kissing his hair until he was breathing a little more
steadily.

Come to think of it -- when Hansel had made him cry, that
night on the ship -- also the first time he'd actually acknowledged to himself
that he found Goro attractive, and fucking amusing -- Goro had clung to him
then, too. Hansel remembered awkwardly patting his shoulder, or something. He'd
been far too fucking drunk, and half-giddy at having Mishka under his arm
again, to deal with it -- to deal with any other fucking situation that
presented itself to him.

But fuck, he wished he'd held Goro then.

Not worth dwelling on now, he told himself, but fuck -- he
wished he had, because hearing Goro choke out I thought I'd always be alone was
about enough to break his heart. He wished he hadn't been damaged, already,
when they'd met, and that instead of being silent and glaring on that first
mission they all went on for Ripley, he'd grinned at Goro toothily and started
working on him then. They could've had months of this.

He wished that some-fucking-how they'd bumped into each
other when Hansel had first come to Skyport -- Goro probably would've stolen
his wallet or some shit, and Hansel would have chased him down and put him in a
headlock and taken it back, and -- fuck, he didn't know, they'd've probably
killed each other, if he was being honest, but maybe there was a way it
could've gone down differently. And Goro wouldn't have had to feel like no one
wanted him for a second longer. He would've fucking known better. Hansel would
have proven it to him if it took years.

Hansel murmured, "Well, you're not fuckin' alone now.
And you won't be, because I don't fuckin' let go for anything. I got you now. I
love you," keeping his voice low because he knew if he got above a whisper
it was going to crack, and then he'd just be fucking crying too.(edited)

**Lina:**

 "I know." He nodded, getting ahold of himself
finally. It hadn't been a bad cry, though. More just a relief. Ah, that's what
it was--that feeling like he might fucking die from all the emotion just meant
he had to cry, instead. That was fine. "I know. I'm okay. Uh, you can keep
saying it, though." He pulled free enough to smile at Hansel. "I
don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing it."

He put a hand on Hansel's cheek and kissed him a few times,
pulling back just far enough to look at him each time. Fuck, there was that
giddiness again. He just couldn't fucking believe he'd got so lucky. He ran his
hand along Hansel's face, down to his chin and back up, enjoying the feel of
his beard--rough and scratchy, it scraped up Goro's damn face every time they
kissed for a while, but it was so delightfully Hansel. Goro pinched fingerfuls
of it and gave it a tug.

**Izzy:**

 "I fucking plan to," Hansel told him, amused --
the way Goro kept fucking looking at him, and stroking his face like it was
something special, like he just couldn't stop himself. It was just -- so
goddamn sweet, and simple, and fucking nice.

And then, because this was fuckin' Goro, the little shit
decided to tug on his beard. Hansel twitched back, not because it hurt -- just
because it startled him. He laughed, for the same reason. "Hey. What the
fuck."

He started to ask you want me to fuckin' pull your hair,
jackass? but Goro probably goddamn would, so he avoided stepping directly into
that trap. (Although if he did, then he'd have a reason to pull Goro's hair,
but ... nah. Not right this second. Later.)

**Lina:**

 "Does it hurt?" Goro tugged it again, smiling,
because it didn't look like it hurt. "What's it feel like?"

**Izzy:**

 "Feels like someone pulling on my fuckin' hair,
idiot." He scraped his fingernails under Goro's throat and smooth chin,
lightly. "What d'you fuckin' think?"

**Lina:**

 "But it's on your face." He gave up on the tugging
and just went back to sliding his fingers around, gently touching Hansel's
cheekbones and eyebrows and lips. All of it was just so damn great. "And
what a fine face it is. Areumdabeun." Hansel wouldn't know what that
meant, but he called people things in Orcish all the time when they didn't know
Orcish, so that was a taste of his own medicine.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel scoffed. He recognized Infernal -- knew it from
Hunter and Serena calling it across the decks at each other, saying Eldath knew
what, because no one else aboard spoke it. He'd never picked any of it up.
Seemed intrusive, honestly. He wasn't that great with languages anyway.

But he did know Dwarvish. "Hey. Shvantz." Dick.

He had a feeling Goro probably knew more languages than he
did -- fuckin' nerd, always in the library -- but Hansel did know a lot of
insults.

**Lina:**

 "Alright, smartass, you got me, I don't speak...
whatever that fucking was. Dwarvish? What's it mean?"

**Izzy:**

 "Nothin'."

**Lina:**

 Goro pinched his side. "Tell me or I'll tickle it out
of you."

**Izzy:**

 "I will fucking bite you," Hansel said solemnly.

**Lina:**

 Goro dug his fingers in.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel twitched and bared his teeth, mock-threateningly.

**Lina:**

 Goro snapped his own teeth at him, and started tickling his
other side, too.

**Izzy:**

 Fuckin' Goro. Hansel scoffed again, trying to cover his
laugh, and shifted to pick Goro and shove him down onto his back on the couch,
twisting his hands behind his back along the way, holding both wrists together
in one hand. He dropped his forehead against Goro's and grinned at him.

"You fuckin' first." He thought about threatening
to not let Goro up, otherwise, but it'd be a useless fucking threat.
"What'd you call me?"

**Lina:**

 Goro grinned back at him and tugged his wrists against Hansel's
grip. Didn't give an inch. God, that was hot. "Oh, what, that thing I said
before? I was just telling you that... ni ga jeongmal areumdeoweo. You
know."

**Izzy:**

 "Oh, yeah, clears it up, thanks. Shtik drek."

**Lina:**

 "Hm. I don't know what you're saying, but it sounds
vulgar." A quick kiss. "I hope you're telling me what it is you'd
like to do to me."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel laughed. He wasn't sure he knew those parts of
Dwarvish. "Nah, I'm calling you a shithead." Kissed him back.

**Lina:**

 "Oh. Hm. Maybe that's what I called you, too."

**Izzy:**

 "Hope not," Hansel said lowly. "Wouldn't be
very fuckin' polite of you."

**Lina:**

 "Oh, yeah, I do have a problem with that. Being
polite." Goro kissed his chin, and then nibbled on it lightly. I will
fucking bite you, indeed. "Look at me now, saying things about you in
Infernal, and refusing to tell you what they mean." He leaned forward as
much as he could, brushing their cheeks together, and whispered in Hansel's
ear. "I called you beautiful."

**Izzy:**

 He would've said huh, wonder what I should do to you for
that? actually not talking, for once, when I tell you to? but -- fucking Goro.
He was going to have to shove something in the little fuck's smart mouth if he
wanted to keep control of the situation.

"Psshhh." He pulled back, this time, though,
pushing off of Goro -- letting him feel Hansel's full weight against him for a
second, as a reminder -- and moving to lounge on the other end of the couch,
acting like he wasn't fucking embarrassed. "You fuckin' need glasses,
chatichi."

**Lina:**

 "Now, that's patently false. I got the best fucking
eyesight of just about anyone you know. Near and far." He scooted as far
away from Hansel as he could without getting off the couch, and pretended to
squint. "Oh, yeah. Ajik areumdaweo. Still beautiful."

**Izzy:**

 "Jackass." Hansel failed to contain a grin and
looked away to hide it, but couldn't keep it out of his voice. Fuckin'
Goro.(edited)

**Lina:**

 "Jeongmal areumdaweo." Goro crawled across the
couch and climbed on him again for more kisses. "Joheun miso."

**Izzy:**

 "Fuck off." Hansel shoved him away slightly, still
grinning, not trying to hide it anymore. He'd picked up bits and pieces of
Orcish before actually asking Elitash to teach him, but all he was learning
about Infernal was that he really fucking liked how it sounded coming through
Goro's lips. "Don't, though." He pulled him back in.

December 30, 2018

**Lina:**

 "Oh, I fucking wouldn't," Goro said against
Hansel's lips. "Not when I could keep getting that beautiful smile."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel grumbled a few more Dwarven insults. Sure. Yeah.
Great smile, with the broken tusk and all. Tended to send people running. Goro
would like it, the crosswired little shit.

"Something fuckin' wrong with you, y'know?" Hansel
murmured good-naturedly. "S'fucking great. I love it."

**Lina:**

 "Well, then it sounds like we're perfectly suited for
each other. Couple of crazy fucks." Goro settled into a more comfortable
position, head resting on Hansel's shoulder, and closed his eyes. This was just
fucking perfect. Could they do this all the time? Literally? Well, get up for
basic bodily functions, sure, but other than that. Ah right, well, they had to
kill Gruumsh--in part to make sure that this could keep happening--and Goro
still had to kill Lively Fred, though he had to admit the anger that had been
fueling him for the past two and a half years felt rather cool and
insignificant when he was this goddamn happy. Still, though. Still had to be
done.

And then there was the Tyrant-King who needed dealing with,
and Goro was still concerned about Renar Basha, and Joan would probably enlist
him for something else sooner or later--

Today, though. For today, maybe this could be all they did.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel gave a quiet, amused hm as Goro settled against him.
They were a good fucking fit. He hadn't quite worked out why, yet, if he was
honest -- knew that he and Mishka slotted together perfectly because they
complemented each others' strengths and weaknesses, and that made sense to him,
but then Goro was right: the two of them were fuckin' crazy in the same ways.
Seemed like they should just collide and ricochet off each other. Both too
goddamn stubborn, he guessed. They collided and held on.

So he held on, loosely and comfortably, and kissed Goro's
head and sighed into his hair. He thought about the bay, on the island, and
Goro's skin against his, how Goro was always tugging at his clothes when they
were alone.

I thought I'd always be alone, he'd said. Hansel had thought
that, for a while. Made himself be fine with it and closed off -- after Taavit
had died, until Mishka -- after Mishka had left him, until he'd come back. But
even then, it was just ... emotional. He'd backed away from anyone who tried to
know him but he hadn't backed away from touch, hadn't been guarded about that.
Goro had pretty fucking clearly shied away from both, and now that he wasn't
alone, he kept pressing closer, making up for lost time. Hansel was so fucking
lucky to be the one Goro had picked to make up for lost time with.

He pushed his hands into Goro's robes, pulled at his shirt
underneath to get his hands right against Goro's skin -- slid up his ribs, up
his back, dragged back down, counting his vertebrae. Came to rest at his waist
and circle it, thumbs still moving idly.

He wondered if Mishka was still in bed. If the two of them
could fuckin' ... get along. If he could have them both.

Greedy, though.

**Lina:**

 Goro shivered at Hansel's touch on his back, and his breath
caught when Hansel's hands settled on his waist.

Hm. It had been a few nights. Not since before the storm.

'Course not, Hansel said, when Goro asked him if marrying
Mishka changed anything between them.

And, y'know there's a lot of fucking stars up there, right?

Hm, hm. Was it weird to do it in the middle of the day?
Well, he could wait a few hours until nightfall, if it was. In fact, drawing it
out almost sounded better. He wondered if he could get Hansel to tease him.
Make him work for it. Oh, hell, he had to stop thinking like that before he got
himself into a condition Hansel would no doubt notice.

Goro yawned. "I think it's about time for a nap. I
might head upstairs. Care to join me?"

January 1, 2019

**Izzy:**

 Hansel felt the tremor that ran through Goro's body, the
hitch in his breathing. That was fucking satisfying. And goddamn adorable how
he tried to act all nonchalant after, casually suggesting a nap. A nap. Hansel
should take him at his word, there -- carry him up to his room, pin him down in
his bed with his arms behind his back and not let him move. Kiss his neck and
lean into him hard and softly tell him to go to sleep, then. Take his nap. Be
good.

Yeah. Maybe. Or something else.

"I got a few fuckin' ideas on what we could do
upstairs," he said lazily, "but if you wanna take a nap, sure, I'll
be there."

**Lina:**

 "Oh, yes. A nice... restful... nap." Goro shifted
his body on top of Hansel's and grinned at him. He climbed off the couch and
offered Hansel a hand, planning to lead him upstairs to his room. "Come
on. I'm really eager for that nap. Very sleepy."

January 2, 2019

**Izzy:**

 Hansel took Goro's hand and jerked him back down into his
lap, pushed into his robes again to curl his arm around Goro's back.
"When'd you hear me say you could get up?"

Wanted to innocently say we can nap here, on the couch, but
if he decided he didn't want to just tease and deny Goro, ah -- well, it was a
big castle, but they didn't live in it alone. Roddy had already walked up on
them once. They didn't need to scar the kid any further.

Maybe at some point, though -- he could get everyone else
out, be sure of it. Maybe not tell Goro that, let him think there was still
some risk. See if that idea did anything for him. I want you to show me
everything, sooner or later, he'd said. Gone so long without being touched.
Yeah, Hansel had some some goddamn ideas about what he could show Goro.

**Lina:**

 "Oh, what, you think you can boss me around? You just
try. I never was very good at following orders." Goro moved to try and get
up again.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel didn't let him. "You can learn."

**Lina:**

 "You think so, huh? I'll have you know I spent fourteen
years with the Church of Helm, and I never learned to be good for them. Just
faked my way through. Was still a cheeky bastard deep down." He kept
tugging against Hansel's grip. "What makes you think you're any different,
hmm?"

**Izzy:**

 Hansel just pulled him in closer, and quietly, against his
ear, said, "'Cause I think you fuckin' wanna be good for me,
shemeshi."

**Lina:**

 Goro smiled, even as he kept trying to wiggle free. Damn,
Hansel. Damn. He was so good at this.

"Well, I guess I can try. Tell me, then. What do I have
to do to be good?"

**Izzy:**

 "Tell me what you want me to do to you. Or I'm just
gonna have to assume you really need that fuckin' nap, and make you take
it." Hansel let him move away just enough to look him in the eyes, and
grinned. "Y'know, for your own well-being. 'Cause I fucking care."

**Lina:**

 Goro grinned back and kissed him. Then the smile faded. He
was nervous, suddenly. Tell me what you want me to do to you. Well, he had a
fucking thought. Had been pondering it for a few days, and everything that had
been said between them on this couch just made him feel more sure of it. What a
fucking thing to ask for, though.

"I want you to, uh." He gave up quick and dropped
back down, laying his head on Hansel's shoulder. Just rested there, and
breathed. "I want to be closer to you."

**Izzy:**

 Hm. He'd gotten all nervous -- fallen back against Hansel,
though, stopped pretending like he wanted to get away (or maybe he did; maybe
he wanted to be chased; that was another idea).

Hansel lifted the hand that wasn't holding Goro in to thread
it gently through his hair, fingertips massaging his scalp. "You're gonna
need to be a little more specific, there, motek." Half teasing, half real
question.

**Lina:**

 "Mm." He tried to think of how he could be as
vague as possible while still making himself excruciatingly clear. Tricky.
"You know, like, uh... the closest two people can get. I want that."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel smiled slowly. "Hm. You're telling me you wanna
cuddle more, eh. Yeah, all right."

**Lina:**

 Goro laughed weakly. "Yeah. I mean, no complaints with
that. But y'know... uh... hm. So, you think cuddling is the closest two people
can get, huh?"

**Izzy:**

 Hansel pulled him in tighter. "Can be." Hm. Hm. He
didn't want Goro to back down or give up just because Hansel was playing dumb
to tease him. He'd brought it up; he knew what he wanted. Just seemed too
embarrassed to say it, which was fucking adorable.

Against his ear, again, Hansel lowly said, "You have to
tell me what you want, chatichi. So I don't hurt you by accident. Okay?"
He let some teeth show and dragged his fingers up and down Goro's back.
"And because I wanna hear you fuckin' say it. You don't get what you want
unless you ask nice."

**Lina:**

 Goro cringed a little. "Uh, does it... hurt?
Much?"

**Izzy:**

 Hansel barely managed to not aw. He kissed Goro's hair and
dropped the act. "No, sweetheart. It won't hurt." Kissed him again.
Not unless you ask. "I know what I'm fuckin' doing."

**Lina:**

 Goro let out a breath and relaxed against him. Sheesh. He'd
figured it would hurt some, but he would just be okay with it because it was
Hansel. But with Hansel saying that... nah, now his chest was what hurt. His
heart felt too big, pressing against his ribs. God, he loved Hansel so fucking
much. Was fucking ridiculous. "Okay. Well, then. Please. I want you to. I
want to give you everything."

Alright, still not that specific. He'd see if Hansel would
let it slide.

**Izzy:**

 He settled, clearly relieved. Hansel had to wonder, now, if
the tension had been embarrassment at asking for what he wanted or concern over
possibly getting it. We don't have to --, he started to say, but Goro seemed
reassured, now. And Hansel would keep reassuring him the entire time, if he
needed it.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he said, kindly, a
little amused, "but I am going to make you say what you fucking
want." He ran his fingers down Goro's skin again, stopping at the small of
his back. "I'm fuckin' stubborn like that." He smiled against Goro's
hair. "You really wanna test me over something you want so bad?"

**Lina:**

 Goro hissed through his teeth and pulled on Hansel's beard
again, just to be a dick.

**Izzy:**

 "Yeah, I'll pull your hair too, but use your fuckin'
words, jackass."

**Lina:**

 "Fine." Goro scooted himself up so their faces
were level. He cupped Hansel's cheeks, looked him in the eye, and said,
"Hansel Granger, I want you to fuck me in the ass."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel briefly considered smiling, and saying no, and
nothing else.

Just to be a dick.

Instead, he pulled Goro in by his collar, and murmured,
"Good boy," against his lips before kissing him. "Now say
please."

**Lina:**

 Goro grunted unhappily, considered making something of it--I
told you I'm no good at following orders--but, eh. Ah. Fuck. Maybe not right
now.

"Please," he said. And for good measure,
"Please, please, please."

**Izzy:**

 "Put it all together," Hansel kept needling.

**Lina:**

 Goro let out a much longer, louder groan. "No, no, no,
no, no!" He shoved his hands against Hansel's chest, making another
attempt to climb off.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel kept hold of him. "No?" he asked, still
amused. "You sure? I can just let you go take that nap by yourself,
chatichi."

**Lina:**

 Goro groaned again, planted his face against Hansel's chest,
and shook his head. He rallied himself and sat up, looking Hansel in the eye
again. "Hansel Granger. I want you to fuck me in the ass, please. You
bastard. I fucking hate you." He kissed him. "But actually, I love
you. Which is why I want you to fuck me in the ass, please."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel grinned widely and toothily. "See, I told you
you could learn to take orders." He slipped both arms around Goro to lift
him up as he stood, settling his lips close to Goro's ear to whisper, "I
love you too," as he carried him towards the stairs.

[fade to black]

LINK TO SMUT

[fade back in]

January 3, 2019

**Lina:**

 [following "Complaint" vignette]

Goro woke to fading light, and sat up in surprise, blinking
around his room and trying to remember. Why was he in bed in the late
afternoon? Oh. They'd fucking napped for a long time. Goro had slept
hard--quick and dreamless, the kind of sleep he almost never got, and he'd had
it in Hansel's arms. Well, that was a fucking gift, even if the day was mostly
gone now.

He lay down again and rolled to face Hansel, who was still
fast asleep. Goro knew he was fast asleep, and not just dozing or faking,
because his brow was smooth, absent of that trace of a scowl that always lived
there. Hansel probably wasn't even aware he did it; he had it even when he was
smiling, although Goro had seen it vanish now and then, usually when he was looking
at Mishka--or on a couple of delightful occasions, Goro.

He looked relaxed, peaceful, and so fucking beautiful Goro
wanted to pack him up carefully and take him to a university or somewhere for
further study and appreciation. Just, you know, to some of those fine arts
scholars, or some shit. Look at this one, Goro would say, and they'd say, Oh
my, oh my.

Goro smiled to himself. Nah. This face was more well-suited
to a private collection. All for him to enjoy, right now.

Damn, he wished he could help Hansel feel that way all the
time, though. Not because of how it looked, but because he wanted Hansel to
know peace. He wanted to soften Hansel's grip and ease him away from whatever
he was holding onto that made him scowl. Goro wasn't well-suited to that kind
of work, but he could fucking dream it.

God, Hansel had been so fucking gentle and loving with him.
It made his heart feel painfully big again, which in turn reignited that drive
to get closer. As it turned out, it had done the trick, what they did
before--Goro had never felt closer to anyone than he did then, and he wasn't sure
he'd even had the presence of mind to appreciate it, he'd just had all his
senses filled with Hansel, been completely submerged by it. Fucking fantastic.

More of that kind of thing, for sure.

Goro wanted to let him sleep, but he couldn't help leaning
in and kissing Hansel's forehead, gently, over and over again.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel barely woke, and reached instinctively for the warmth
in his bed, pulling it closer, breathing in incense, sighing it back out.
Wasn't his bed. Right. Well, it was his right now -- Goro was his, right now,
and he wrapped his arms around him tightly, for a long moment, as he woke up
more.

He thought about suggesting they go again. Or just telling.
But he might have to be the sensible one here, and tell Goro to relax and slow
down as much as he told himself, so he just made a quiet contented sound and
loosened his grip, and finally opened his eyes again to look at him.

That was all he wanted to do, really. He was happy with that
-- with sleepily studying Goro's face in the dimming daylight, running a thumb
across his cheekbone and then curling the hand around the back of his neck to
pull him in and kiss him, softly.

The abandoned temple, on the island -- the god there's
pedestal had been inscribed with elvish, and Hansel hadn't known it then, but
his half-elf crewmate said that it was a prayer to Sashelas, the god of the
ocean floor. He remembered that spell Goro had used on him, how it made him
feel like that was where he was, anchored in the deep, looking up through the
water, settled for once, calm.

He felt that way now -- without magic, without the distant
trace of anger and fear and panic. He felt like a lake, still and glassy.

There was something he should say, he thought, or do, but he
didn't know what, and the thought didn't bother him. He stayed silent, petting
Goro's face, because god, it was an excellent face, and he never wanted to stop
touching it.

**Lina:**

 Goro reached up, grinning, and tugged Hansel's beard.

**Izzy:**

 Ah. Yep. There it was. That was why he loved that face so
much, apart from the obvious and shallow.

Hansel snorted and slipped his hand behind Goro's neck
again, making a fist at the nape of his neck, and tugged back. "All right,
jackass, I fuckin' warned you."

**Lina:**

 "Ow ow ow ow--" Goro pawed uselessly at Hansel's
hands, snorting and trying not to laugh. "Not fair, not fair!"

**Izzy:**

 "Oh, only you can do it, huh? Is that how fair
works?"(edited)

**Lina:**

 "You've got--ow--you're tougher than me--ah, mercy,
mercy!"

**Izzy:**

 Hansel let him go and ruffled his hair gently instead.
"Please let go would have worked too." Leaned in to kiss his cheek.
"Sorry."

**Lina:**

 Goro grinned wickedly and grabbed onto Hansel's beard again,
but didn't pull. "What're you gonna do about it this time?"

**Izzy:**

 Hansel stared him down. "Dunno. What d'you think you
deserve?"

**Lina:**

 "I don't know. Might need to be roughed up a little.
You were so careful with me before, but..." Tug. "Doesn't always have
to be like that."

**Izzy:**

 "All right." Hansel gave his hair another tug.

**Lina:**

 "Hey. Hey." Goro pushed in and kissed him a few
times. "Is that the worst you can do, Weapons Master Granger? Terror of
the Calish Sea or whatever the fuck."

**Izzy:**

 "Hm." Hansel pushed on top of him again, propping
up on his elbows to look down at him. "I can do a lot fucking worse, but
if you want me to hurt you you're gonna have to tell me how." He tapped a
finger against Goro's lips for emphasis. "In very graphic fucking detail.
Think you can manage that, chatichi?"

**Lina:**

 "Oh, I see. So it was more like Stern Glare of the
Calish Sea. I get it."

**Izzy:**

 "Yes," Hansel deadpanned. "Very stern.
Y'wanna hear my favorite way of torturing people? Fuckin' brutal. Get
ready." He leaned down the whisper in Goro's ear, "Not fucking needy
little half-elves 'til they tell me what they want. Get'em all riled up, first.
Then tie'em up and don't let them do a fucking thing about it."

**Lina:**

 "Hm." Goro tried to fake a scared look, but he couldn't
stop grinning. His cheeks ached from it. "Those poor half-elves. Sounds
fuckin' hot."

**Izzy:**

 "Yeah, I didn't get a lot of complaints, come to think
of it," Hansel said solemnly.

**Lina:**

 "Well, what I want you to do right now is..." Goro
thought about it. Seemed like he could ask for anything. "Come downstairs
and get some food with me, 'cause I'm fucking starving. Or--or." His eyes
widened as he imagined the possibilities. "Go get some food, bring it
back, and feed it to me."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel laughed quietly. "Yeah, I'm fuckin' hungry
too." He straightened, pulling Goro with him to sit up. "All right.
What d'you want?"

**Lina:**

 "Ah, whatever's down there's fine." He gave Hansel
a kiss. "Bring me something you like to eat."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel studied him for a moment, thinking about tying him up
again -- maybe asking first, this time -- but nah. Just kissed him back, and
said, "All right," again, and stretched into his shirt as he headed
off. "Be right back."

Bring me something you like to eat. It made Hansel think of
when they'd played that game, and Goro had told him to take him on a date
somewhere Hansel would like, do something he'd like to do. He couldn't tell if
Goro was trying to please him, or trying to find out more about him, or just
... didn't know what kinds of things he liked, himself.

Hansel missed meat. There were turkey carvings left over
from their Candlenight meal, and he grabbed some for Goro, and some sweet
winter berries, and a couple slices of the tart apple pie Raef had taught Nixie
how to make. And a couple glasses of water, one of which he drained and had to
refill immediately. And a bottle of whiskey -- the one Goro had tried to drain
a few nights ago, he thought.

He carried it all back up, to Goro's room, and settled on
the bed cross-legged, offering him a glass, but not the plate. "Hey. What
if we play that game again?"

He'd either get Goro drunk, or he'd get a couple decent
answers out of him. Either one was fine.

**Lina:**

 Goro accepted the glass and took a drink. Then a few more
drinks. Hadn't realized how thirsty he was. He frowned at Hansel. "You
mean the one where I made you cry and storm out last time?"

**Izzy:**

 "Mm, that one." He held out a piece of turkey.

**Lina:**

 Goro shrugged and accepted the meat. Once of the things he'd
considered asking Hansel for while Hansel had him pinned was Tell me something
I don't know about you. So this was good. He'd just try to be less of a dick about
it this time.

He took a bite and talked while he chewed. "You
first."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel sat the bottle of whiskey between them. "Same
rules, yeah? Don't wanna answer, take a shot." He popped a berry into his
mouth. "You said before that you didn't want to, uh -- get closer."
Maybe if he phrased it carefully Goro would have an easier time answering.
"Seemed like a hard no. Something change?"

**Lina:**

 Goro chewed more slowly. Stopped entirely, for a moment,
before he swallowed. "Uh." Another drink of water. "Well, yeah.
You... you. I mean... there's a lot of things I always thought I wouldn't want
to do with someone else. But shit changes, you know? Life goes on."

**Izzy:**

 "Hmm." Seemed fucking needy to ask what about me,
though; what did I fucking do to deserve you. Like he was fishing. He just
wanted to understand why Goro seemed to think he was fucking trustworthy, or
something. "Shitty answer, but I'll take it. All right, you go."

**Lina:**

 Goro continued to nibble at the turkey, thinking. There was
a question, right at hand. "I told you to bring me something you like to
eat." He held up the remaining meat and raised his eyebrows. "You're
telling me you like turkey?"

**Izzy:**

 Hansel shrugged and ate another berry. "Used to."

**Lina:**

 And then what? But, truth be told, Goro had a guess. He felt
like he could fill in the blanks here.

He'd made a joke about it once, even.

Laying off the meat, then? You, uh, lose your taste for it?

He reached over and dropped the rest of the turkey on the
plate, and took a couple of the berries instead.

God. He never thought twice about being a complete jackass
to people, and then some of them went and ended up becoming his family or
friends or lovers, and he just had to live with knowing how he'd treated them.
How the hell can you even stand the sight of me? he almost blurted out, but
that would be a question, and it seemed like it would be a waste to ask.

"Your turn again."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel watched him drop the meat like it was diseased and
grab berries instead. "Hey. Don't fuckin' steal my food," he joked.
"We can't both not fuckin' eat meat." Mishka already seemed to be
weaning himself off it, at least around Hansel. Didn't make any damn sense.

**Lina:**

 Goro froze with the berries halfway to his mouth, then set
them back on the plate. "Well, don't tell me both those pieces of pie are
for you." He snatched one and took a bite before Hansel could object.
"How's a guy your size subsist on just berries? No, don't answer that.
That's not my second question."(edited)

**Izzy:**

 Hansel laughed. "For fucksake, chatichi, I thought you
wanted me to feed you."

**Lina:**

 "Oh, shit," he said, mouth full. "You're
right." He dropped the pie on the plate, lay back on the pillows, and
opened wide.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel threw a berry at him. It missed his face entirely.

**Lina:**

 "Now you're just wasting it. Come on. Come put it in my
mouth sensuously."

**Izzy:**

 "Well, now I don't fuckin' feel like it." He
feigned sulkiness.

**Lina:**

 Goro picked the berry up and chucked it back at him.

**Izzy:**

 It bounced off Hansel's chest, and he gave Goro a morose
look. "Hurtful."(edited)

**Lina:**

 Goro grinned and beckoned him with a finger. "C'mere.
Come feed me right."(edited)

**Izzy:**

 "You gonna spit it out again?"

**Lina:**

 Goro's jaw dropped, and he laughed in disbelief, smacking
the bed. "You. You bastard." He crawled over to Hansel, took the
plate and set it carefully out of the way, then climbed onto Hansel's lap and
kissed him hard. "You got another question for me or not, dickhead?"

**Izzy:**

 Hansel grinned and kissed him back, automatically looping
arms around his waist. "Maybe that was my second fuckin' question,
dipshit."

**Lina:**

 "Hm. I'll answer it, but I have to ask you something
first, and you can't count it as one of my two questions."

**Izzy:**

 "Sounds like cheating, chatichi." But then, he was
a fucking pirate. "Y'know, you should've got me drunk first, and then not
fuckin' told me you wanted to cheat. For future reference. But you're fucking
cute, so I'll let it slide."

**Lina:**

 "Psh. It's not fucking cheating. Hey." Goro
glanced down at Hansel and at himself. "I know you had to get dressed to
go downstairs but now you're still wearing clothes and I'm naked. The fuck's that
about? No, never mind. That's not my question. Anyway." He cringed.
"You, uh. You like it better if I don't spit it out?"

**Izzy:**

 "I didn't tell you you couldn't get dressed while I was
gone," Hansel said, amused, but pulled away just enough to tug his shirt
over his head again and toss it into the pile with Goro's clothes, resettling
his hands at Goro's waist. "And I don't have any fuckin' preference."
Eh, not really true -- he might could slip one past, but why bother, really.
"I mean -- I kind of would, but -- if you don't like it, then I don't
fuckin' care. I won't try to make you."

**Lina:**

 "Eh. I like trying new things." Goro smiled and
leaned in to kiss him on the shoulder. Uh oh. Maybe Hansel should've stayed
dressed. Less of a fucking magnet that way. "Anyway," Goro said, lips
against Hansel's collarbone, "anything else you want to know?"

**Izzy:**

 "S'your fuckin' turn, idiot." Hansel found a piece
of turkey without looking and pushed it into Goro's mouth, not remotely
sensuously.

**Lina:**

 Goro chewed the turkey obediently and joylessly. "Fine.
I know. I just... damn it, I want to know everything about you, and I can't
think of a fucking question. It's like asking me to pick a town on a map I
haven't seen. Tell me something interesting about you."

**Izzy:**

 "Hm." Most of the interesting things about him
were also fucking bad. Hey, apparently a god wants to make me his fucking
puppet in this world. That's pretty interesting, right? And Goro already knew
most of that shit, anyway, really. Hansel could tell him a story about a scar,
or something. Some of those were pretty good. Mishka told them better, though
-- usually inaccurately, but better.

(That'd be fun. He'd love to sit and listen to Mishka tell
Goro blatantly false pirate stories and see how well Goro could call out the
lies. They could all three play this game. He and Mishka would gang up on Goro.
Nah, the two of them would probably just gang up on him. That'd probably be fun
too, though.)

"Uh, I'm ambidextrous?" he offered. "Hm.
You've seen me fight, though. Might've noticed already."

**Lina:**

 "Psh. I fucking knew that. Doesn't count." Goro
shoved his shoulder. "Tell me something I can't observe."

January 4, 2019

**Izzy:**

 "Well, stop being so fuckin' observant, then, I
guess." He thought for a second. "You remember -- when you asked how
I got into piracy, I told you this tiefling pirate spared my life? That silver
trident I've got -- it's his. He's the one who fuckin' taught me that being
ambidextrous was a thing. He was, uh. The first person I loved. Taavit. The
crew called him Horns, 'cause he was the only tiefling aboard." He died
because of me, and I couldn't even hold him when it happened. Nah. Too much.
"He got killed in this skirmish, and our ship was scuttled, and I had to
either join the crew that killed him or die, so I joined'em." He paused.
"Killed all of them as soon as I could. With his trident." He winced.
"I don't know if that's a good fucking story or not, but -- it's to say,
uh. I'd do that for you. Rather you didn't fucking die, but ... I love you.
That's all."

**Lina:**

 Goro stared mutely for a moment. What the hell could he say
to all that? He had to say something, though. Couldn't just keep sitting there
staring. "God. I'm sorry." He hugged Hansel, squeezing him tight.
"That's horrible."

Hell, if that was the kind of thing that came to Hansel's
mind when Goro asked him for something interesting, who knew what other awful shit
he had going on in his past. It reminded Goro of how reticent he'd been when
asked about his parents. Jonn had implied there was something terrible there.
Goro hugged him tighter.

**Izzy:**

 "Oh." Hansel was still for a moment, then hugged him
back. "I mean. It's all right. It was a long time ago." Yeah,
should've just stopped talking earlier. Wasn't a good story.

**Lina:**

 "Oh yeah?" Goro could fucking back him into a
corner with that shit. "My mom dumping me on the street when I was a
little kid happened a long time ago, too. Remind me what the time limit is on
feeling sad about things?"

**Izzy:**

 "All right, well, look. Listen." Hansel knew he
couldn't fucking argue with that. "Fuck you, you know that's not what I
mean."

**Lina:**

 "Tell me what you mean, then. I didn't get it." He
meant that honestly. He knew what it would mean if he said shit like that--it's
alright, it was a long time ago-- but coming from Hansel, who kept surprising
him and confusing him just when he thought he'd had the guy figured out, who
knew.

**Izzy:**

 "I just --." He hesitated. "I mean, I don't
want you to fucking feel sorry for me. That's not why I told you that. I
thought you wanted to know important shit about me, and -- Taavit's fucking
important." He could feel himself getting defensive and tried to shut it
down, lowered his voice. "You don't have to be fucking sad about it. I'm
not. I'm happy I ever fucking had him, and ... it was twenty goddamn years ago.
I only got about eighty fuckin' years, I can't afford to be sad about shit that
long."

**Lina:**

 "Alright, alright." Goro held his hands up.
"What the hell was I supposed to say about it, then? 'Oh, neat story'? I
get that it's important. So, good, thank you for telling me. But I thought it
was fucking sad. Don't tell me how to feel, jackass." He kissed Hansel's
cheek, to soften that. "By the way, I'm not actually sad about my mother.
Fuck her. Just couldn't let that shit slide, you know. 'It was a long time
ago.' Pfff."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel scoffed. "Fine." He started to say I
shouldn't've fucking told you in the first place, but that wasn't what he
meant, it'd -- sound wrong. He meant -- fuck, he didn't know what he meant.

He just hugged Goro and stroked his back instead, and
muttered, "Maybe I just wanted to fuckin' remind you that I'm a dangerous,
deadly pirate. How about that, huh."

**Lina:**

 "Oh, no, don't remind me. I'm already quivering in my
boots, if I had 'em on. Stern Glare of the Calish Sea."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel grunted and shoved another piece of turkey into his
mouth.

**Lina:**

 "You got another question, or what?" Goro asked
after he'd eaten it.

**Izzy:**

 "Eh, I probably did, but I fuckin' forgot it." He
scratched at his beard idly, then grinned. He could ask Goro what his fucking fascination
with the beard was. Or, related to that -- "Yeah. You like me pulling your
hair, biting you and shit? I can do more of that. You gotta tell me,
though."(edited)

**Lina:**

 "Yeah. Fuck. The thing is... I'll tell you the same
thing I told Mishka, and never got a satisfactory answer to, by the way. How am
I supposed to know what I like when I've never tried any of it before? Shit, if
you'd told me a year ago two pirates were going to shackle me and tie me up and
do unspeakable things to me, I'd have run for the fucking hills. And look at me
now." He rubbed at his wrists, thinking about it. So damn good. "I
like to try shit, you know? And I feel safe with you. So. There. I don't even
know all the possibilities. How can I ask for all of it?" He remembered
Hansel biting him, though. He had that at least. "But, uh. Yes to the
biting."

**Izzy:**

 "Ah, fuck. That reminds me what I was gonna ask. I mean
... shit." He kissed Goro's shoulder briefly, where his tusk had dug in.
"I mean, first off, good." Hansel didn't fucking know why Goro
thought he was a safe person to be around, but hearing him say it, precisely,
out loud -- offhand, like it was nothing -- was fucking delightful. "I'll
just show you some shit I like, then. And anything else I think of, I guess.
I've fuckin' been around. But look, you gotta fuckin' talk to me -- you go all
quiet sometimes, and I can't read your damn mind." He ran a hand through
Goro's hair, resting it on the back of his head. "I have to be able to
trust that you'll fucking speak up if you're unhappy, and not just when we're
screwing around after, when your head's clear. That's what I meant before,
about -- not hurting you by accident. I don't wanna do that. So help me out,
all right?"

**Lina:**

 "Alright, fine. I'll talk more. But now you've got no
one but yourself to blame for me never shutting up." Hansel seemed to
actually get off on it, though, Goro talking to him while they did shit. That
was... hmm... good to know. "What was the other thing you were going to
ask me? I'll give you a freebie."

**Izzy:**

 Hm, suspicious. Hansel had thought about making a joke about
another bonus round, like he'd demanded last time, so that he could get his
last question in, but decided that probably wouldn't be funny. Better to not
bring last time up. He just wasn't sure if this meant Goro wanted to talk about
this more, now, or if he was just putting off asking his own last question.
Last time -- that one had been a fucking problem.

He brushed it off. He'd -- keep his shit together, this
time, whatever it was. "Yeah, all right. What I was gonna ask, before I
forgot -- I mean, don't you have any fucking fantasies, or anything? You don't
think about shit you wanna try? Because, look, chatichi -- I don't get the
whole celibacy thing, or whatever, I got laid when I was sixteen, and I
would've thought you'd've done a lot of fuckin' daydreaming to make up for not
getting any. So." He shrugged. "I was just gonna ask if there's
anything you've thought about or seen that you wanna try." Seemed like
there had to be something, but he wasn't in Goro's goddamn head. He didn't
know. "I'm game."

**Lina:**

 "Ah. Hm. I mean... the celibacy thing, as you put it,
you make it sound like I wanted some but was depriving myself, or something.
But I just didn't want to. I mean, I was fine by myself." Technically this
wasn't what Hansel had asked, but Goro felt the need to explain anyway.
"Other people... made it seem really fucking unappealing. Just, things I
saw, or that happened. There wasn't anyone I'd fantasize about, is what I'm
saying. Sometimes I guess if I saw someone I thought was intriguing or
whatever... eh, even then. Probably not a fantasy like you're thinking of.

"But uh. You know. Things change." He shrugged. "When
it comes to you..." Ah, now his instinct here was to get embarrassed and
shy away from any detail. But he had to remind himself, Hansel liked the
detail. So this required a mindset shift. Goro closed his eyes briefly, then
opened them and straightened up tall on Hansel's lap, so he was looking down
into Hansel's face. He stroked Hansel's cheek. "Well, Weapons Master, when
I have the time, I like to imagine you tying me up or pinning me down, and
refusing to give me anything I ask. Manhandling me a little, punishing me for
being bad. 'Cause I'm real fucking bad, you know. I'm a little bastard and you
can't let me get away with that, no matter how desperate I am. I'm slow to
learn good manners. You taunt me and I'll taunt you right back. I like to
imagine what you'd have to do to get me to beg."

Goro smiled and relaxed back so they were at eye-level. He
thought about mentioning the thing about watching Hansel and Mishka together,
but maybe that could wait. Maybe that whole situation was still a little too
delicate.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel made an appreciative sound and grinned. He thought
about saying -- something about whatever Goro had seen, or whatever had
happened -- something about making him forget about it. Something about killing
anyone who has ever made him uncomfortable. But Hansel said that kind of shit a
lot, and at some point it stopped feeling particularly realistic.

And it kind of seemed like he'd already helped Goro to
forget, without even trying, anyway. I feel safe with you. Fucking amazing.

"Mm. Good to know." He remembered teasing Goro
about tying him up and not touching him. He'd done that a couple times now,
actually, because he fucking loved the idea -- wondered if he'd accidentally
planted it in Goro's head. Either way. If he liked it ... "You can ask
Mishka. I'm real fuckin' good at not giving people what they want."

He could ask Mishka. Talk to him about some other things,
maybe. Nah, it wasn't -- well. Maybe if Hansel gave it some time.

He could be very fucking patient.

**Lina:**

 Goro bit the inside of his cheek. He felt the need to add
on. "Sometimes, though... y'know, the way it was before, I want that
too." Thought about adding and if I say mercy you have to cut it out, but
that seemed like a given. Hansel's calloused hands sliding up and down his back
were giving him goosebumps. "It's amazing how you can be so gentle and so
rough, both. Fucking astounds me. I love it."

**Izzy:**

 "Goro, shemeshi," Hansel said quietly, and pulled
him in with a hand under his jaw to kiss him hard, and murmured against his
lips, "Whatever you want."

He thought about saying: That's how this works, motek. I'm
pretending. You're the one in control here.

Kind of seemed like giving away the game, though. He could
make sure Goro understood the rules without spelling them out too explicitly
and breaking the illusion. That was part of the fun.

He slid his hand up Goro's back to knead the muscles in his
neck idly. "You got that last question or what?"

**Lina:**

 Hm. Might've already been enough probing into Hansel's sad
early life for the evening. Goro decided to stick with the subject matter, and
he borrowed a question Mishka had asked him. "Is there anything you really
don't like, that I shouldn't do? Anything that'll freak you out? Other than get
in your head with magic. I heard you loud and clear on that one, don't
worry."

**Izzy:**

 Weirdly innocuous question, really, coming from Goro. Kind
of sweet, though. "Nothing comes to mind." He'd just been with Mishka
so long, and Mishka already knew everything about him, so he hadn't had the
think about it in years. All instinctive. "I don't enjoy being tied up and
shit, but it doesn't freak me out. Don't like being out of control." He
shrugged. "Anything else comes up, I'll let you know. I got no problem
fuckin' speaking up."

He studied Goro for a second. "Y'know, you get another
question. Since I did. S'only fair."

January 5, 2019

**Lina:**

 "Hm. I don't fucking know. There's too many things I
could ask." Goro nuzzled Hansel's cheek, kissed his way up his jaw,
carefully nibbled his ear, then kissed down his neck. He couldn't stop.
"I'll just start throwing some questions out there, and you pick one to
answer. What's your favorite food? What's your favorite color? When's your
birthday? Favorite animal? Any--" He was about to say any siblings, but he
knew that one already. "Any... secret fears?"

**Izzy:**

 "Definitely cheating," Hansel said, amused,
closing his eyes and tilting his head away from Goro, dropping his shoulder.
Fucking relaxing. Hansel assumed he was still avoiding something -- he knew
Goro was a curious fucking person, but he was holding it back. Supposed all
it'd taken was for Hansel to have a fucking breakdown on him. Still, though. It
was ... nice.

He sighed thoughtfully. "Don't really have a favorite
food. Or color. Or -- animal. I don't know, I don't think about that shit.
You're gonna have to get me drunk to find out my birthday, and you ain't got
the fuckin' fortitude for that, motek." Or get Mishka drunk, he supposed,
which would be a bit easier, but Hansel wasn't going to help. "And you
know what I'm afraid of," he said, more quietly. "Losing Mishka, or
my kids. Or you."

**Lina:**

 Goro pulled away to give him a sulky look. "Why won't
you tell me your birthday?"

**Izzy:**

 Hansel scowled. "It's not a big fuckin' deal. It's just
a day."

**Lina:**

 "If it's not a big deal, you can just tell me."

**Izzy:**

 "Mm. Trickery." Hansel smiled lazily. "I like
it. Little smarter than that, though."

**Lina:**

 "Hey, I've got an idea. Let's play another round of
Three Questions."

**Izzy:**

 "Okay."

**Lina:**

 "Me first. When's your birthday?"

**Izzy:**

 Hansel grabbed the bottle of whiskey, uncorked it with his
teeth, and took a shot. "When's yours?"

He offered Goro the bottle, grinning.

**Lina:**

 Goro pushed it away. "I don't know it. I don't have to
drink if I don't know something, do I?"

**Izzy:**

 "Hmm. Yeah. You do. I just decided."

**Lina:**

 Goro eyed the whiskey, considering. It had fucking relaxed
him, for sure, but he hadn't forgotten how sick it made him either. Even the
smell wafting from the mouth of the bottle made him feel a little queasy.
"Not fair," he said quietly. "I don't know it."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel paused. Ah. Shit. Yeah, fair. "Okay." He
set the bottle down and pulled Goro in to kiss him. "Sorry I pushed
it." He thought for a second, then added, "It's in May. The sixth. I
just don't celebrate it."

**Lina:**

 "Mm." May sixth. Goro wouldn't do anything to
celebrate it, then, but he'd know. "Amari always thought I should have a
birthday. She thinks everyone should have birthdays. She tried to give me a
couple fake ones. One in October, when I first came to the church. And one on the
first day of summer, because... hell, I don't even remember her reasoning for
that one. Something crazy. Then one day--ah, I guess I'd been twenty-two or
something, and I started saying I was twenty-three, and she said, how do you
know you're a year older if you don't have a birthday? And I said, I fucking
don't, I just go up one every new year. And ever since, she got me cake on the
new year. You can't stop that fucking woman."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel had been ready to gently needle him about it, because
he absolutely fucking refused to believe that Amari would have let Goro just
not fucking have a birthday, and he grinned a bit at the confirmation.
"Hm. Well. New year's comin' up." He leaned back and mussed up Goro's
hair. "Want me to bake you a cake? That's my second question. Kidding,
though, 'cause you don't have a fuckn' choice. What kinda cake d'you like?
That's the third one."(edited)

**Lina:**

 Goro rolled his eyes. "Aw, fuck off. Don't tell anyone.
It's not even a real birthday. It's fucking stupid." Damn, though, he did
love cake. He leaned in to whisper in Hansel's hear. "Chocolate."

**Izzy:**

 "You don't have to fuckin' tell me birthdays are
stupid, idiot." He squeezed Goro tight and whispered back, "I'll get
you some real fuckin' fancy chocolate. In Skyport. You can hang out in the
kitchen and lie to everyone about why I'm making cake."

**Lina:**

 Goro didn't want Hansel to see how pleased this made him. He
kept his chin tucked against Hansel's neck and smiled over his shoulder.
"You think you can bake a cake to rival my mom's, do you? Seems like a
risky venture."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel scoffed. "Never said that. That's why I need the
fancy chocolate, y'know. Gotta buy your fuckin' affections." He
considered. "Hm. Actually I probably can't fucking afford that. Hey. Goro.
Buy me some chocolate, huh. Or loan me some gold."

He slipped his hands around to Goro's waist, checking to see
if he was ticklish, since he liked doing it to Hansel so much.

Goro called Amari his mom, now, without hesitation. That
made Hansel really fucking happy for some reason.

**Lina:**

 "Be happy to loan you some, but I charge int--" He
flinched at Hansel's hands tightening around his waist. He bit down on Hansel's
shoulder to keep from laughing.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel grinned and kept tickling him, digging in more,
shrugging his shoulder to jostle Goro's head. "Hey, try harder, fucker.
That's the one a shark bit. You think your little teeth're gonna stop me?
Huh?"

**Lina:**

 Goro tried to bite harder, but the tickling made him lose
it. He snorted and shoved himself off Hansel's lap, falling backwards and
kicking his feet in the air for self-defense. "Let me go get my fucking
knives. They're bigger than shark's teeth. Then you'll see who you're dealing
with. Terror of the Skyport Streets, that's what they called me."

**Izzy:**

 He snorted. "All right, Flailing Disaster of the
Skyport Streets, I fuckin' believe you." He dodged past Goro's feet,
catching a heel to the shoulder and ignoring it to grab Goro around the waist
as he fell down beside him, pulling Goro's back tight against his chest. Hansel
kissed him behind the ear.

The truth was that since that shark bite, he hadn't felt
pain once in that shoulder -- had to keep an eye on it, make sure it didn't get
fucked up without him realizing. Made for a great trick where Corven would jam
a knife into him, in fake barfights, and he just kept going with the hilt
sticking out of him. (Idiotic, Serena would say, shaking her head as she healed
him afterwards, and he'd grin at her and she'd try very hard to not be amused
and to keep hating him.)

Funny thing, though. He never felt the pain of any stab or
slash or arrow or bite, but there was the ghost of a sensation, sometimes --
misplaced, faint, prickly -- when Goro or Mishka kissed his shoulder. He ran
his hand up Goro's side, across his own fair share of scars, and pressed his
face into Goro's neck. Wondered if any of his were like that. And if he could
make them feel again.

**Lina:**

 Goro settled against Hansel, warm and comfortable and
stupidly happy. He thought about letting himself doze off again, but after a
few moments of lying there with his eyes closed he knew he wouldn't be able to
shut his mind off. "Hey," he said. "I still have a question
left, right? Or is it two questions?"

**Izzy:**

 "Mm. Two." He could've been a bit more clever with
his own, but he didn't mind wasting them to make Goro grin.

**Lina:**

 "Did you kill it, or is there a shark out there
somewhere with a little bit of Hansel still stuck in its teeth?"

**Izzy:**

 "Oh, I fuckin' killed it. Goddamn delicious, too. Tiger
shark."

**Lina:**

 "Hm. Eating shark? I never thought to try it."
Goro scooted away just enough that he could lie on his back and look at Hansel.
He kissed him, then searched his face, thinking up a question. He cupped
Hansel's jaw and tapped his thumb beside Hansel's broken tusk, careful not to
touch it. "What happened here?"

**Izzy:**

 Hansel twitched back when Goro came close to it, even though
he didn't quite make contact. Reflex. He was sure he'd come up with a lie about
this -- because he'd known people would fucking ask -- but all he could think
of was how he'd planned to say that it hurt, and not to touch it. Goro wasn't
touching it, though, and it didn't fucking hurt right now, and he knew that
even if he could remember the lie, it'd be transparent.

Maybe Goro would just leave it alone anyway. Realize he was
lying and that it meant he wasn't going to talk about it. Bad fucking habit to
be in, though -- and almost any other goddamn mark on his body that Goro
pointed to and asked tell me about that, Hansel would talk to him about without
hesitation. It wasn't like he knew. Hansel had a lot of fucking scars and he
didn't want to ... punish Goro for being curious. He fuckin' liked it.

He liked the way Goro studied his face, and stroked his
cheeks, and tugged his beard. No wonder the tusk had gotten his interest. He
was staring at it all the time, and Hansel didn't want him to feel like he
wasn't allowed to anymore, and stop.

So he hesitated, and thought about being flippant --
happened last time I ate meat -- or harsh -- I cracked it eating my last crew,
that okay with you? -- and settled, after a moment, on something quiet and
slow. "Serena. My friend, the -- Selunite cleric, on my ship. She said she
hoped I'd break a tooth on her, and I did."

**Lina:**

 Goro felt a laugh start to rise in his throat, because it
sounded like a joke. But he caught himself in time.

That wasn't a fucking joke.

He was careful to keep his face neutral, not show what a gut
punch it was, hearing that. Hansel wouldn't want him to be sad about it. He'd
get cagey and defensive if Goro tried to express how sorry he was. But Goro
couldn't just act like it meant nothing, either. He was grateful Hansel had
trusted him enough to tell him.

What to do, then? What to say?

Nothing. That was it. Instead, Goro just kissed him, long
and slow, then leaned back and touched his face, drinking in the sight of it
like always. Hopefully Hansel got the damn message.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel was quiet. He could tell -- could see the rapid
recalibrations happening in Goro's head.

Anything he said, he thought, could be the wrong thing,
could make it too real. He knew that wasn't logical -- the danger he posed was
completely fucking real to Goro, who had taken the brunt of his bloodlust
directly to the face, and kept getting up, and kept coming back to him after,
even when he didn't have the excuse of being toyed with by a god anymore to
explain why he was behaving like a fucking monster.

He kept thinking: Is this what'll make you understand?, but
if that thing existed, it wasn't this.

Goro kissed him, and touched his face, and looked at him the
same way he had on the ship to Calimport. The look that said, I love you, and
I'm going to help you. The look he had fixed on Hansel just about every goddamn
waking second since then. Hansel didn't get the impression that he had any
fucking choice anymore on whether Goro was going to love him and help him, and
that was fucking terrifying.

He stared back for a moment, then pulled Goro to him and
curled his face into Goro's chest, and closed his eyes. He didn't really mean
to say anything, but it happened anyway. "She always knew. S'what she told
me -- she was a fuckin' seer and she saw everything the second I stepped onto
the Red Blade. No one listened to her. Her visions -- they didn't always come
true, sometimes we could -- avert them, y'know."

He paused.

"She knew it was coming. When Mishka left. Because he
wasn't in her vision, because the ship we bought afterwards was where she saw
it happen. She fucking knew and she still ... didn't leave me. Could've just
fucking stayed ashore. Could've cut my throat before it happened. But she
didn't."

His voice cracked a little. "She was so fucking angry
at the end. She wasn't afraid of me. Just fucking pissed. I think -- she just
thought I could fucking fight it, that I could avert this one too. I -- got her
to be my friend and she trusted me, and I --." He was so used to thinking
and I killed her. "I couldn't protect her," he said instead, barely
getting it out before his throat closed up.

**Lina:**

 Again, Goro was left not knowing what to say. It was a
frighteningly helpless feeling, knowing his words couldn't fix anything.
Couldn't even begin to. Anything that came to mind was a useless platitude, or
just plain wrong. It's alright. Wherever she is now, I'm sure she understands.
We'll get revenge.

Goro held Hansel tight and kissed his hair again and again.
And he decided to just say what he thought Hansel would say. It was true.
"I've got you," he whispered. "I love you."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel sniffed and squeezed his eyes shut tighter, trying to
close in the tears. He'd already said all that shit about Taavit and made
things fucking uncomfortable and weird, and now he had to go fucking talking
about one of the several close friends he'd murdered. (Gruumsh had murdered.
Well, it had been his goddamn hands and axes and teeth. He was the one Kheman
had night terrors about, not fucking Gruumsh.)

He needed to stop fucking saying things, keep his mouth closed,
shut up, but he didn't fucking want to. Goro kept asking him questions and
saying shit like I want to know everything about you and Hansel was beginning
to fucking believe him. Felt like -- it was safe to talk to him. Like he would
really just keep holding onto Hansel, like Mishka did. Yeah. Completely goddamn
terrifying.

His stomach dropped as he was revisited by the thought that
the worst thing he had ever done was let people care about him. Kept fucking
getting them killed. Ought to just fucking be alone, if he actually loved his
crew, ought to just leave and isolate himself again. Find Jonn. Make it just be
the two of them again, and that way next time there was a storm he could solve
two problems at once -- the two of them.

But he didn't fucking want that, either, and he told himself
it wasn't weakness, it was that he was going to fucking fight this goddamn
thing, and it was stupid to fight alone, and it was selfish to make decisions
for other people on whether or not they were allowed to help him do it.

He took a long, slow breath. His instinct was to say I'm
fine, it's fine, this is all fine, but he said, "I know," instead,
and, "I love you too." Then he laughed weakly. "We gotta stop fuckin'
playing this game."

**Lina:**

 Goro laughed too, and kissed Hansel's hair again. He rested
his lips there, breathing Hansel in. He kept holding him until he felt him
relax, felt his breaths grow smooth again.

Goro couldn't shake the feeling that things were... uneven,
somehow. He kept asking Hansel things--innocuously, sometimes, that had painful
answers. Hansel had asked him what kind of cake he liked. It didn't seem fair.

All he could think was, You show me yours, I'll show you
mine. He didn't know if it would help, but it felt right.

He eased Hansel away from him, holding and kissing his face
a bunch of times to make up for it. Then he sat up straight, looking down at
himself, and picked out a few scars.

"This one here," he said, pointing to a long, thin
line that arced down over his ribs. "And this one." A thick one, only
an inch long, just below. "And this one." He twisted around and felt
with his fingers along his lower back until he found it. He faced front again.
"Those three. They were the first. I knew this girl..."(edited)

Damn. He'd never told this to anyone before. Anyone. The
only other people who knew it happened at all were dead. That made it daunting
to tell, but oddly thrilling too. Showing something to Hansel no one else had
ever seen.

"Her name was Sparkles. I mean, that's what she called
herself. I never knew her real name. Most of the time, you don't. I was really
young, and she was... maybe ten years older than me. Like a big sister, for the
few weeks I knew her. She found me hiding in a garbage bin she was looking for
food in." He laughed a little. Damn, it was so long ago, and he hardly
ever thought about her anymore, but he still missed her. "She was so kind
to me. Always looking out for me, making sure I ate first. Taught me some
things about defending myself."

He looked back down at the scars, and when that became too
much, he stared at a corner of the room, unfocused. "One night a man came
into our hideout, looking for food. She tried to fight him off and he stabbed
her. I tried to protect her, but it was too late. So I just fucking killed him.
He got me a few times first, but I slit his throat."

He prodded at the short, thick scar below his ribs.
"Wasn't as bad as it looks, here. They weren't very deep." He
searched his hands and forearms, next. "Used to have a lot of scars on my
hands, too, from all kinds of stuff, but those ones all went away. Oh, you can
still see a little bit of one right here." He rubbed at the heel of his
right hand.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel watched and listened quietly -- in part because his
throat still felt tight, reluctant to let him speak again, but also because
this was the kind of thing you didn't interrupt, as much as he wanted to when
Goro got distant and stared off absently. Wanted to shush him and tell him it
was okay and he didn't have to talk about it, he didn't owe Hansel these
things. But it was -- fucking cathartic, he knew, to say them out loud, once
you found someone you could say them to.

He remembered Goro's story about the sorcerer, about how
he'd become a follower of Mask -- how practiced it was, like something he'd run
over in his head a thousand times. This one didn't have that feel. Seemed more
like something he'd packed up tightly and set aside -- and who could fucking
blame him.

You couldn't forget your first, though. Not even when the
scar faded, not even if it disappeared.

Hansel slipped down to kiss the thick scar under his ribs,
then trailed up the line that crossed them, and pulled him over to kiss the one
in his back and any others he spotted along the way -- then shifted him again
to take his hands and kiss the faded marks on his forearms that the Calish sun
had brought back to contrast, and the heel of his hand, and each individual
knuckle, because his own knuckles were more scar than skin and he suspected the
same had been true of Goro, once.

Few weeks, he'd said. He knew this girl for a few weeks. And
he'd been some ten years younger than her, and still tried to protect her, and
killed the man who'd ended her. Yeah. Yeah, that fuckin' sounded like Goro.
Hansel wrapped him up and rested his chin on top of Goro's head.

"I had this thought," he said. "Last time.
When you told me about that mask, and shit. I would've been in Skyport around
then, and I thought -- that I wish I could've met you then, and we could've
helped each other. But you probably would've just stolen my fuckin' wallet, and
I wasn't a good person to fuckin' be around, anyway." He kissed Goro's
hair. "Glad it worked out how it did."

**Lina:**

 Goro grinned up at him and kissed his chin. "Oh,
fuckin' same here. You think I'm a little shit now, you would not believe how
bad I was then. There's a reason I call Amari a crazy lady. I spent the better
part of five years telling her to fuck off daily. Ugh." He actually
shuddered a little to think of it. "Yeah. I think we met each other at
just about the right time, didn't we?"

God, the way Hansel had turned him over, kissing all his
scars. Like every part of him was precious, like he was worthwhile no matter
everything that had fucking happened to him, no matter where he'd been. Made
Goro feel fuckin' weak, again. His muscles just fucking giving up because they
didn't have to try anymore to survive and be happy.

**Izzy:**

 "Mm," Hansel agreed. If he were being honest, he
could still use some more fucking work. He would've rather met Goro when he
weren't at the bottom of a goddamn pit. Might not've gotten out of it, though,
without him. And if any little thing had gone differently, he might not be
here, right now, and being here, right now, was pretty fucking great, so he'd
take the pain that'd gotten him to this point.

"Y'know, on the Blade -- I mentioned her before, my
crewmate Elitash. She was, uh. Kind of a fuckin' tough love type." He
grinned. "Helped me stop being a fuckin' bastard, all the time. S'what I
needed then. Not a goddamn thing like Amari, I think, but she'd've thought you
were goddamn hilarious. Wish you could've met her." He kissed the top of
Goro's head and didn't bring up the terrible parts, just thought about how
fucking amazing it would've been -- Elitash and Goro playing cards and seeing
who could cheat the hardest.

**Lina:**

 "Mm. I wish I could have, too." He smiled.
"I'd thank her for cutting down your bastard levels a little. She must've
made a valiant effort."

**Izzy:**

 "You got no fuckin' idea, chatichi," he said
solemnly.

**Lina:**

 Goro kissed his chin again. "Hm. Ilneval was looking
out for you, sounds like. To bring you to her. You know that?"

**Izzy:**

 He grunted. Elitash would probably say something like that,
except she'd say it like Ilneval fuckin' had it out for me when he brought you
into my damn life, kid. "Nah. Luthic, probably. Orc mother." She'd
had no use for Luthic -- wasn't a mother -- but when she'd told him about
Luthic, he always pictured the goddess as looking like Elitash.

**Lina:**

 "Great. I'll add her name to the list of gods we can
turn against Gruumsh."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel snorted, then outright laughed. "I mean ...
fuckin' unlikely. Luthic is Gruumsh's partner. But all right, we'll give it a
shot. Can't get much worse if she gets pissed at me too."

**Lina:**

 "Nah, nah. You'll stay out of it. Pretend you've got
nothing to do with it. I'll be the sneaky little brat who pits them against
each other, and takes the brunt of their rage if it goes wrong. That's the kind
of thing Mask does, you know. Sticks to the shadows, takes the heat sometimes
when he gets caught. He always bounces back, though."

**Izzy:**

 "Psh. Nah, fuck that. No sense in having the entire
Orcish pantheon mad at both of us. Maybe I can get on Ilneval's bad side and
him and Gruumsh can fuckin' scrap over who gets to fuck me up harder."

**Lina:**

 "You know." Goro pulled away to look Hansel in the
eye, and smiled devilishly. "That's not such a bad idea."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel gave him an amused look. "Yeah, I know it
fuckin' ain't. That's why I said it. Any time you can get your enemies to fight
each other is a good fuckin' time. Deadly pirate, Master at Arms of the Red
Blade." He tousled Goro's hair roughly. "Remember?"

January 6, 2019

**Lina:**

 "Oh, I do. That's why I let you in my bedroom and am
sitting in your lap naked. I know you won't let anyone lay a finger on
me." He leaned against Hansel's chest again, put his arms around Hansel's
waist, and let out a relaxed sigh.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel didn't fuckin' see how that statement followed his,
but he didn't question it. Just -- let it make him happy, and grinned to
himself, and traced designs on Goro's back with his fingertips. Idly wrote out
I love you in Dethek runes.

**Lina:**

 Hansel's fingers tracing along his back gave him pleasant
chills, and for a moment he closed his eyes and enjoyed it. Then he frowned,
amused. The patterning, the stops and starts. "Are you... writing
something on me?"

**Izzy:**

 "Maybe."

**Lina:**

 "'Property of Hansel Granger,' I hope."

**Izzy:**

 He snorted.

Started to say nah, I prefer to do that with a ring. Stopped
himself.

"Nope. Try again."

**Lina:**

 "'Do not touch under penalty of death by the Master at
Arms.' Nah, that's too long."

**Izzy:**

 "Mm, definitely too long."

He started tracing chatich.

**Lina:**

 "Something boring, like 'Goro.' To make sure you don't
forget."

**Izzy:**

 "Getting warmer."

**Lina:**

 "'Goro Flatflower.' Not my real name, by the way."

**Izzy:**

 "The Goro bit or the Flatflower bit? 'Cause if you're
gonna go back to saying Amari's not your mom, I'll just have to fuckin' tell
her that when we visit. Break her damn heart."

**Lina:**

 "You wouldn't fucking dare."

**Izzy:**

 He pulled back to narrow his eyes at Goro consideringly,
then relented and tugged him back in, rubbing his back as if he were clearing
it off. "Nah." Started writing Flatflower after all. "I like her
too much. I'd just have to find some other way to make you pay for it."

**Lina:**

 "Anyway. Amari may be my mom, but that doesn't make my
real name Flatflower. It's too nice a name for me, anyway. Makes me sound all
peaceful and shit. I need something that makes people run away screaming, to
give them fair warning." He thought a little more. "'I love
you'?"

**Izzy:**

 "I love you too." Hansel kissed his forehead.
Thought about just leaving it there and playing dumb, but decided not to.
"And yeah. I love you. And chatich." He finished Flatflower and just
started drawing spirals. "What last name d'you want, then, Flailing
Disaster?"

**Lina:**

 "God. Is that my new nickname now? There should be a
rule against giving people nicknames while you tickle them. Brings out our worst,
I'd say." He considered whether he had a serious answer to the name thing.
"Ah, I don't fucking know. Names, who gives a shit. My first name's
fuckin' Goro. What the hell kind of name is that? There's no last name that
sounds good with that."

**Izzy:**

 "Hmm. Guess you'll just have to stick with Flatflower,
then." Hansel kissed his cheek. "Anyway, I fuckin' like Goro. Sounds
good with anything, you ask me."

**Lina:**

 "Pff." Goro shook his head. "You're messed
up, up here." He tapped Hansel's temple. "You know what's a good
name, though, that I really like? Hansel. Sounds good. Strong, and handsome,
and reliable. Hansel." He drew it out a little, savoring it. He ran his
fingers along Hansel's jaw, then fingered his lips. Had a thought, and made a
guess at the answer. "I... can't call you Hans, can I."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel went from holding back a smile to wincing. He'd --
told Goro not to, before. Basically threatened him over it. It was just that no
one but Mishka had ever called him Hans, and it felt -- overly familiar. Almost
as strange and uncomfortable as someone else calling him beloved. When Goro had
said it before, it was like he was fucking making fun of him, and he fucking
might've been, really, or Hansel might've only been prickly about it because he
was a prickly goddamn person.

It was different, now, though. Goro was pretty fucking
familiar.

"Dunno," he said slowly. "Give it a shot. See
if I like it."

**Lina:**

 "Well, I can't do it when you put me on the spot like
that. It's gotta sound natural. Hans. You know, I kind of miss the 'el' part,
though. Maybe I'll call you Sel. How about it, Hans?"

**Izzy:**

 Hansel grinned. "You fuckin' idiot." Pulled him in
to kiss him. "Yeah. I like it."

**Lina:**

 Goro grinned and kissed him back. "Alright, Sel it
is."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel snorted and put a hand on his entire face to push him
away.

**Lina:**

 Goro gave in and scooted back, then crawled around Hansel
and hugged him from behind. He kissed the back of his neck and his hairline.
"Ooh, it's nice back here. I don't spend enough time on this side."
He kissed his way down to Hansel's upper back and his shoulder blades. So often
explored with his hands, not with his mouth. "I've been missing out."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel half looked over his shoulder, amused. He tried to
remember what scars he had back there -- there was a burned slash from Jonesy's
flame scimitar catching him from shoulder blade to hip, he knew, but the rest
weren't that memorable. You tried to avoid getting hit in the back; too much
chance of damaging your spine. He didn't like having people close behind him,
in general, because of it. Always seemed dangerous.

This felt all right, though. Barely even occurred to him.
"Fuckin' missing out on what, exactly?" Fucking Goro, always saying
weird shit.

**Lina:**

 Goro scoffed and didn't answer the question. Should've been
fucking obvious. While kissing along the backs of Hansel's shoulders he came
across the red crescents he'd left there, digging his fingernails into Hansel's
skin. "Hm, what bastard did this to you," he said, kissing them.
"I'll have to give him a piece of my mind."

**Izzy:**

 "Oh, don't worry." Hansel grinned. "I've got
plans for that little bastard, already." He wanted to drag Goro around in
front of him again, where he could reach him properly, but it was -- kind of
nice, this. Ten minutes ago Hansel had been crying into his chest. He figured
he could let Goro touch his back.

**Lina:**

 "Oh yeah?" Goro put his legs around Hansel's waist
and linked his arms across Hansel's chest so he was latched securely onto his
back. He held on tight. "How are you going to get him, though?"

**Izzy:**

 "Y'know, I got a feeling he's gonna show up on his
own."

**Lina:**

 "I heard he's real slippery, though. Real sneaky. I bet
you can't catch him."

**Izzy:**

 "Oh, yeah. He's real fuckin' sneaky. Slippery
motherfucker. I'm a fan." Hansel shrugged and flexed his back, moving Goro
around a bit. "Thing is, though -- I already fuckin' caught him. Don't
have to do it again. He comes when I tell him, now."

**Lina:**

 "Does he? Gosh, we'll have to test that out. Try it
now."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel leaned back abruptly, pinning Goro under him -- not
quite with all of his weight, but trapping Goro's arms with his own, too,
fingers wrapping around his wrists. "Oh, hey. There he is now." He
twisted his neck to look back at Goro. "Tell the little bastard I missed
him, eh?"

**Lina:**

 "Alright, alright. The secret's out. He was here all
along. Can't stay away from you, from what I hear." He kissed the side of
Hansel's face over and over again.

**Izzy:**

 "Hmm." Hansel shifted to lean more of his weight into
Goro, pressing him down in the bed. "Tell him the feeling's mutual."

**Lina:**

 Oof. Heavy. God, it felt good though. Made him feel secure.
He breathed shallowly for a minute until it made him lightheaded.
"Off," he wheezed, regretfully.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel debated not budging until he said please, or at least
asked rather than tersely insisted, but he did sound pretty fucking out of
breath. He let up a little, but not all the way, because Goro was going to have
to fucking learn to ask for things nicely without being told to every time.

On the other hand, Hansel didn't get the impression he
actually wanted to be let up that badly.

**Lina:**

 That was better. Goro went back to kissing his way around
Hansel's face.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel relaxed back onto him again.

**Lina:**

 "Jackass," Goro whispered, grinning against his
cheek. "You're fucking heavy, you know that?"

**Izzy:**

 He shifted. "Hm. Lumpy fuckin' bed. Makes a weird
noise, too."

**Lina:**

 Goro started squirming and biting Hansel's shoulder.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel snorted. He kept fuckin' trying, didn't he? Shark
teeth weren't enough, Hansel had said. Adorable, honestly.

He got comfortable, reaching for the plate they'd set aside
and dropping a couple berries into his mouth.

**Lina:**

 Goro tried pulling his arms free, but Hansel held him too
tight. Feet would have to do instead. Awkwardly, he drew them up and dug his
toes into Hansel's sides to tickle him.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel hissed, grinned, and pushed back again.

**Lina:**

 Yes, it was fucking working. Goro gritted his teeth against
the added weight and made another attempt to free his arms, but no luck. He dug
his toes in harder.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel didn't move.

**Lina:**

 "Get off," Goro grunted.

**Izzy:**

 "Ask nice."

**Lina:**

 "Fuck you."

**Izzy:**

 "Is that nice on the streets of Skyport, chatichi?"

**Lina:**

 "Sure is." Goro puffed a few breaths in and out.
Alright, he was too fucking weak. "Get off, please."

**Izzy:**

 "Better." Hansel sat up, shrugging Goro off and
turning to face him, still grinning.

**Lina:**

 Goro lay on his back, catching his breath, and put a hand to
his forehead. "Ah, fuck, that was close. I need a medic."

**Izzy:**

 "Oh, no," Hansel deadpanned. He dropped down on
one elbow over Goro and breathed, "You need mouth-to-mouth?"

**Lina:**

 "Mm." Goro let his eyes flutter closed and his
head fall to one side, mouth slightly open. So fucking hard not to smile.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel laughed softly, and angled Goro's face back to his,
and kissed him -- gently, and sweetly -- and then pulled back slightly to shove
a piece of turkey into his mouth instead.

**Lina:**

 Goro chewed and swallowed. "Well, I guess that's one
way to revive a man." He cracked an eye open and smiled at Hansel.
"You've got to work on this sensuous feeding thing."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel settled down on his back next to Goro, sliding one
arm under Goro's neck and propping his own head on the other hand, looking at
the ceiling for a second and then closing his eyes. "Probably help if I
was actually trying, huh."

**Lina:**

 "Hmm. Yeah. Or maybe you just need to be shown how it's
done." Like Goro had any fucking clue. But he had a feeling, anyway. He
reached over to grab a berry off the plate. He touched it carefully to Hansel's
lips.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel half-opened one eye. He parted his lips -- then
snapped his teeth sharply without moving, just to see if Goro would pull back.

**Lina:**

 Goro flinched in surprise, then smiled, leaned in to nuzzle
Hansel's cheek, and touched the berry to his lips again.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel smiled and accepted it, and slid his arm down to
Goro's waist to pull him on top of himself, and look up at him silently. Just
-- to look at him, for a moment, or for however long he'd stay there.

[END]

Title: Scars. Summary: Goro and Hansel talk about the storm
and Gruumsh and their relationship, bone, then talk about their respective
tragic backstories. Much dorky flirting.(edited)

January 9, 2019