Thane of Titan

Thane with fried chicken

### Aliases

Thane of Titan, Thicc Thane, Thanussy, Santa Claus, Thanos Jr., Stanos (by Hammer), Thanos's son, Thanos's grandson

### Relatives

Prestige (mother), Thanos (grandfather/father), Cyan (uncle), Ebony Maw (uncle), Strelitzia von Titansburg (cousin)(disowned)

### Affiliation

Krakoa (formerly), Aster Institute (formerly), Endless Resurgence

## Appearances

### Debut

SARS Wins

Thicc Thane enjoys sitting on his porch. You can find him sitting on his porch and complaining about life and whining about how Lady Death won’t love him. If you wanted to find him, which you don’t. He might be stuffing his butt-ugly face with KFC but don’t count on it, he is most likely stuffing his face with murder and bloodshed. Stay away from this thicc titan. He’s got all this gold on him and he looks like Slick Rick from hell so he’s pretty hard to miss. He also has a crappy sword that looks like the Dollar Tree sun, which doesn’t sound dangerous but actually is. Stay the heck away from the sword. He can throw it like a javelin and it will hit where he aims it. He also has a gun. Do not get within firing range or you will definitely get hit. By his sword, or his gun, and if it’s neither, you can bet it’ll be his ugly scab hands. If you start a beef with Thicc Thane you will be in it until the day he forgets you, which is never. Thicc Thane has a long ass memory and has memorized the entire menu of every chicken joint that ever existed. He has also memorized the results of every single missile test he’s ever done. This doesn’t sound particularly impressive until you take into account that he has done over four thousand. That’s right, four thousand missile tests. This human piece of filth has an odd liking for letting things fly and blow up, and the worst thing is that YOU are fair game. He just doesn’t care and you shouldn’t care either until Thicc Thane comes to a place near you. Then you better run like hell because he doesn’t care WHO he sits on to get to the top. He is worse than anyone you have read about in the edgy stories that you hide from your parents. Speaking of parents, he had a mom, Prestige, who loved him very much and gave him food every other day and he’s still messed up in the head. Now she hates him for the aforementioned reasons and you should too. Stay the hell away from Thicc Thane, and don’t leave your chimney open because he will jump down that thing and just take stuff like being stupid, overweight, and homeless entitles him to owning everything in the world.

## Personality

Thane is a loud and obnoxious person who frequently attempts to assert his superiority over others. He takes pride in the fact that he grew up faster than everybody else, which is mainly due to a combination of his Thanos genes and his habit of stuffing his face with oatmeal and fried chicken. He is exceptionally hateful towards everything, even referring to God as "Idiot God." He bases much of his personality off that of his grandfather, Thanos, because of his admiration for him. He also enjoys attention, especially when he is acknowledged as Thanos's relative. Despite this, Thane is very insecure, constantly comparing himself to Thanos and striving to surpass him. He is a compulsive liar, asserting that he is Thanos's son when he is in fact his grandson. Thane can be deceptively quiet in situations where he fears rejection or considers people around him too inferior to talk to. People will find that it's not hard to offend him.

Despite his extroverted personality, Thane is an extremely studious person. He enjoys reading nonfiction and can memorize any amount of information. He excelled in school though was disliked by teachers and peers alike.

## Abilities

### External Adjustment

Thane, unfortunately, has an unusually high Z-chromosome cell percentage and can manipulate the ether outside the bounds of his body. He has demonstrated the ability to do stupid things with the ether such as doing bad terrigenesis and having accidents.

### Internal Adjustment

Thane is fully abled despite being overweight. He can run around and kill people. However, he does not have the ability to do advanced Internal Adjustment or else he would turn himself purple.

### Lunablade Skill

Though Thane's Terrigenesis was pathetic, he can still use his lunablade to great effect. He has notably perfected Thanos's blade spinning blocking move and can replicate it perfectly despite having an asymmetrical blade. However, unlike most Asters, he is unable to manipulate his Terrigen Crystal due to it being so bad. This means he cannot do most Terrigen attacks, such as Terrigen Extension.

### I.S. Pilot

Thane has had years of experience riding an I.S. and can perform many advanced maneuvers on both Polaris II and Sterilizer. According to his mom he rides terribly but that is simply not true because super strict Aster moms are bad judges of their son's abilities. He is accustomed to the Injecto-Sword and Sterilizer's Cavitation Blast Railguns, though he has also used Polaris II's Missile Spin and Light Repulsor in the past. Thane, unlike most pilots, is also adept at maintaining and upgrading his I.S. Currently he is trying to upgrade Sterilizer into Superior Railgun Sterilizer, but is failing because Justin Hammer keeps refusing to use high quality materials despite being threatened with Sunrise Crisis.

### Scientist

Thane, because of his education, is well versed in physics, quantum physics, biology, chemistry, biochemistry, genetics, astronomy, algebra, trigonometry, statistics, and calculus. Over the course of his sorry life, he has invented and made improvements to many things. His primary invention is the Sunrise Crisis lunablade, which has multiple components made to compensate for a bad Terrigen Crystal. Currently he is caught up on multiple projects, many with multiple components. Aside from making upgrades and improvements to the Sunrise Crisis lunablade, he is also working on more missiles, Superior Railgun Sterilizer, probability batteries, and more missiles. He is also working on the Planet Moving Engine, much to the dismay of his mother.

### Eating

Thane can eat a great deal of food in a very short amount of time. His mother has theorized that there is a black hole within his body, but this theory remains untested. Thane can also eat things that are ordinarily considered very gross, such as chicken bones and paper and other things that I probably can't say here. He mostly enjoys eating oatmeal, fried chicken, and bananas, and can eat half his weight if presented with any of the three.

### Being Thicc

Thane is thicc, though not as thicc as Thanos. However, he is thicc enough to be the thiccest person in Storytime. This actually does not say much, because Ben, Prestige, Rey, Aqua, Ebony Maw, and Justin Hammer are pretty thin.

### Being a Disappointment

Thane did what no child should ever do to their mother when he did his Terrigenesis and declared war on God. What a waste of time and money, dragging Prestige's name through the mud. Thane's disappointment factor is so extreme that Prestige had to resort to telling lies to make sure that he did not ruin her reputation.

### Being a Living, Walking Contradiction

He is stupid yet smart. He also looks like a basic white guy but feels like he is purple inside. Things are not what they seem with him.

### Filial Piety

Thane has shown an insane respect for his grandfather Thanos. Many of his actions are on Thanos's behalf, and he aspires to be like him in every way.

### Breaking Glass

Thane can crack three solid layers of bulletproof glass by punching it. The first thicc titan to break bulletproof glass.

## Appearance

Thane is an ugly man who is very tall and has a bad perm from the Terrigen Hair Salon. He is afraid to cut his hair because his mom tried to cut his brain out with scissors once and he still is traumatized from it. Thane is said to look harmless, despite being tall and ugly. He is also said to walk with the exaggerated swagger of a Thicc Titan God. He has a small nose that is the size of an average baby's. He wears an unusual shieldsuit, made from old cans and things that his grandfather threw away a long time ago. Over that, he wears his grandfather's bedsheets. He is exceptionally thicc, coming in at 250 pounds on one of the few scales he didn't break.

## Other Things

Thane is currently beefing with his mother. Other people he is beefing with include Ben, Rey, his own grandfather, Thor, Loki, himself, Asterprime, Justin Hammer, Adam Driver, and the rules of standard grammar.