The Nes Cartridge

I'm what you would call a Nintendo fan. And NO, I am not a soyboy beta male. I'm just someone who really likes the Nintendo Switch and Labo. I've always bought the consoles since the NES (Go figure). The NES has always been my favorite out of all consoles, along with my whole collection. I almost consider each game cartridge like my friends since I never had any as a kid.

One day though, I had sold all of my games. All of them to some weird guy with tourettes syndrome. He said something along the lines of "Ass" and "fuck" and "I'm from NewJersey". The sole reason as to why I did this is because of one particular game.

You see, I was browsing Reddit one day on a subreddit where they mostly talked about Retro Video Games, how much they liked Rick and Morty, and why their Girlfriends keep sleeping with other men while they themselves secretly like it. I was a tad bit bored of reading all of this until one reply had caught my attention. It was a link to an eBay auction that had no bidders yet. The auction was for a game for the NES called "The Nes Remastered". The cover art had some of the most famous Nintendo characters such as Super Mario, Link, Megaman, Simon from Castlevania, Battletoads and the Lemmings. I was super excited. So excited I felt an erection push up my fanny pack.

I bid $69 dollars for the game and I automatically won the auction. Weird I thought but I didn't care, I wanted to have the game in my hands. About an Hour and 9 minutes later, I got the game in the male. I opened up the box to see the cartridge be completely different from the pictures on the website. The cartridge was completely black with red crayon writing that said:

"THE NES REMASTERED"

I wasn't too mad though since I got the game. I pulled out my NES, popped in the game and pulled down my zipper. I was ready to have a fun experience. The first thing that happened was a title screen with music that sounded like an 8-bit version of the Toy Story theme song. I was a little surprised by this but then again, this could have been a bootleg that was remodeled. There was a cutscene that showed Woody The Cowboy standing. There was a textbox that said:

"woody got wood".

It showed Woodys's pixelated, 8 bit cock on screen. I was so disgusted that I had thrown up the Taco bell and Popcorn I had eaten earlier. The game cut to a level where I had to play as Woody who was wielding an oversized knife. I was running around the bedroom, holding the knife when I was sent into part where I landed on Andy's bed and there was a textbox that had two options. Kut or Kill. I was scared of what would happen if I picked kut so I picked Kill. What happened next was an animation of Woody stabbing Andy in the gut, causing all of the toys that were probably shoved up his has for pleasure to fall out. Woody then swung the knife at them and proceeded to tell them his plan.

Woody: "Listen here boys, we have ourselves an NES cartridge in this bedroom and we have to find it before the FBI comes in and finds it before us"

The next level involved looking for the NES cartridge. I had found it under the bed covered in jizz stains and chalk. I was even more grossed out by this but continued on.

Woody: "Now it's time to go digital"

Woody had jumped into the TV screen to show the opening screen to Megaman 2. When the opening was over, it shows Woody walking up behind Megaman and pushing him off of the building. He laughed and laughed as Megaman splattered all over the ground causing civilians to scream. I clicked start reluctantly as I had 8 options for robot masters to play against. Only difference was that there wasn't any robot masters at all. It was other NES games being placed. There was Mario, Link, Simon, Double Dragon, Battletoads, Contra, Metal Gear, and for some odd reason Droopy Dog.

I picked Super Mario for the lulz when I was greeted with a red sky and multiple enemies such a goombas, koopas and plants dead on the ground. It was horrific until the end of the level. I was about to slide down the flagpole when I (playing as woody) landed into the pole dick first.I fell down to ground when I saw the game over screen. Then, the entire NES cartridge exploded, setting my entire house on fire. I could've have sworn I heard Spiderman's theme song playing in the background as all of this was happening. The fire department and the police had arrived to the scene and asked what happened. I told them about what happened when they had looked at each other, laughed and proceeded to beat me up and tell me to go fuck yourself. I was upset by this. The next month, I had gotten a new house. There was a letter on my door from my girlfriend which said:

"Dear [Name Retracted], I have left you for leshaun. Also, your Nintendo switch on your welcome mat"

I was heartbroken but still happy my Nintendo Switch was still intact. I went inside to play it when I heard a knock on my door. There was no one there but there was one game disc for my cartridge which said.

"The NES Remastered: Lizard Edition"