Snakefang's Grief

Snakefang turned his cold gaze to the gathered clan, his pupils like chips of ice. He had done it. He was now a warrior. But what was it worth? A new wave of remorse swept over him, threatening to knock him off his paws. He curled his lip, shoving his way past his gathered clanmates, making a break for the tunnel. He needed to escape. He couldn’t let the clan see how broken he was.

At last Snakefang found himself alone in the forest, padding along a small creek bed. He felt his face twisting in a bitter snarl. Sure, he was finally a warrior, but what was it worth?

All his life he’d only been treated unfairly. Before he was even born, Sparrowclaw had rejected him as a son. His mother, Scarletflame, never had any purpose for him other than to aid in her own reckless scheme. He sat down heavily, staring at his reflection in the trickling water below.

In it he saw himself, but most noticeable were the deep scars running across his pelt.

He remembered it all too clearly. The battle, his betrayal, the deadly risk he took to save Scarletflame from a life of cold blood. And the way Yellowtail’s claws tore through him, like a punishment that knew no end. His pain. His suffering.

When he finally recovered from the wounds, he awoke to discover Scarletflame had already moved on, leaving him as just another part of her dreadful past. Briar became the mother and the friend he’d never known. But even she did not care for him, leaving him for dead at the claws of Needlestar as she fled to save her own pelt. He remembered quite clearly returning to consciousness to find Hailwing treating his wounds, Scarletflame already preoccupied with Scorchpelt.

It was then that the deep reality of his failure had begun to sink in. All his life he only wanted his mother to be proud of him, to see him as the cat that he was instead of the cat she wanted him to be.

“Snakefang?” a soft mew sounded behind him, startling him out of his thoughts. He caught Rosepaw’s scent, realizing he’d been too preoccupied to notice her approach. “Leave me alone,” he growled coldly, not attempting to hide his scorn. He’d expected Scorchpelt, as the deputy always seemed to be keeping an eye on him these days.

“I’m sorry- I just wanted to talk. A-are you alright?” Rosepaw stammered. It felt as though she had just raked her claws through his pelt. Nothing was alright.

He turned his furious glare upon her. “Do you not see?” he choked out. “No one cares about me. I am as useless as they say. It is as if no cat remembers what I’ve done for them.”

Rosepaw was silent for several moments. “That’s not true,” she countered softly, her voice brimming with compassion. “I care. I have since the moment I met you. I-- I love you Snakefang. I always have and I always will. I want to be with you, I want to start a family, to have kits," she murmured, smiling softly. She met his gaze, and he could see the uncertainty in it.

Snakefang felt the fur bristling along his spine. Was he supposed to feel something too? He stared at her, feeling as though he had just been plunged into icy water.

"Don't you see? He will abandon her, just as Sparrowclaw did. He is more of a coward than you know. He will only cause more pain, more anger, more suffering." Yellowtail's words ran through his head. Start a family? Have kits? He couldn't! He felt his claws slide out, digging into the ground. What if he was no better than Sparrowclaw? Than Birchfire? He felt a coldness seeping through him. He felt nothing for her, only his own deep pain. “No,” he snarled, whirling to face the enthusiastic young apprentice, his face twisting in fury. “You are nothing but a foolish young cat, you know nothing of love. You are as blind as all the rest of them! I do not want you, I never cared for you,” he hissed coldly, letting all of his pent up anger erupt out at her. And he felt no sympathy towards her, not even when her gaze filled with more pain than he’d ever seen a cat express before. Though Rosepaw had always been kind to him, he saw anger flaring through her now, her face twisting in a sickening expression of both pain and hatred. “How foolish was I?” she mewed, her voice starting to break. “Here I was all this time chasing after your heart, but you don’t even have one,” she spat, her voice colder than Snakefang had ever known it to be. Without giving him a chance to respond, Rosepaw turned and fled, racing in the direction of camp.

Snakefang curled his lip, bidding her good riddance. At last she wouldn’t be chasing after his tail anymore like some star-struck mousebrain. He turned back to the water, staring at his own reflection. The coldness in his own gaze scared him. Was he really the monster that everyone thought he was? The monster that Yellowtail made him?

Suddenly a deafening shriek of terror split through the forest, causing Snakefang to whirl around, every hair on his pelt on end. Rosepaw. She was in trouble. Rising, he set off through the forest in the direction of the cry. Long before he neared it the scent of blood filled his senses, fear running through him. What had happened?!

Breaking through the undergrowth, he saw it. There stood Briar, crouched over the body of Rosepaw with blood on her paws. Bending down, she picked up the lifeless apprentice by the scruff and began to drag her. "B-briar?" Snakefang mewled, eyes wide with disbelief. Needlestar had warned of her treachery, but he’d refused to listen. Suddenly the reality of her betrayal came seeping in. Briar turned, eyes widening. "Snakepaw, what--" she sputtered. Snakefang felt an overwhelming anger rush through him, his gaze narrowing dangerously. "I trusted you!" he spat, "murderer!" A furious roar escaped his jaws as he leapt at her, clawing blindly wherever his claws would reach. What had he done?! How could he have trusted her, why did he send Rosepaw away? He /was/ no better than Sparrowclaw, no better than Briar. Another scream escaped him, feeling his paw meet her throat. He raised his claws, intending to bring them down upon her and tear her apart. His vision started to clear, and he gazed down upon his victim. He held her to the forest floor, slashed and bleeding. A deep cut already ran across her throat. ‘*Did I do that?*’ he wondered. “Please-” Briar choked out, her gaze filled with a deep regret. It took all that Snakefang had to lower his claws, releasing her from his grip. He stumbled away, finding himself looming over Rosepaw’s limp form. He reached down, numbly picking her up by the scruff to take her back to camp.