Magic University and The Spell Games (Third Draft)

This is the third draft of Chronicles Episode "Magic University and The Spell Games".

Lost drafted once again due to creative differences with Scroopfan.

## Synopsis

After finally getting some cider after the events of *Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000*, Rainbow Dash treats her friends by taking them on a trip to a mysterious cider bar for mythical creatures hidden away from prejudice, where Twilight unexpectedly runs into some of her old college friends. Twilight tells the story of her experiences at her college Magic University, specifically her involvement in their sporting event, The Spell Games.

## Original Transcript

### Prologue

(The night before *Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000*)

Rainbow Dash: (She was seen looking into her bathroom mirror) Look at yourself, Rainbow Dash. I mean, by sweet Celestia, Dash, you’re a pathetic wreck. I mean, that pink bitch... she can't even stop to give you a few free pints of cider every once in a while, and yet, you go through this every year! Year after year, she blows her money away when she has better things to her! This is why you never default on your mortgage, Dash. (Scrounges up from bits) Okay, I have... 20 bits. That's good for a couple of glasses at the usual place. If I don't get any cider, like I do every year, I'll just go there, drink a few, enjoy myself. (Sighs) Okay, here we go. (Leaves her house)

(The night after *Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000*)

(The Mane Six are seen travelling at night in the middle of nowhere)

Applejack: Sure is nice of you to treat us to a little night out, Rainbow.

Rainbow Dash: Don't mention it. I mean, I was gonna go on my own in case they ran out of cider again.

Pinkie Pie: Hey, I saved you a pint, didn't I?

Rainbow: And because of that, I thought I'd show you this awesome place where they get their cider out fresh all the time.

Twilight Sparkle: Hmm...

Fluttershy: Is something wrong, Twilight?

Twilight: I'm getting a feeling that we shouldn't be all the way out here in the middle of the night.

Applejack: Come to think of it, where are we?

Rarity: Indeed. I love a moonlit stroll as much as the next pony, but this doesn't look like the normal route.

Rainbow: Oh, I almost forgot. Don't go around telling everyone about this joint. It's kind of a secret.

Applejack: Where in the hay are you leading us to exactly?

Rainbow: You'll see. (She leads them to a rusty metal gate with stone arches, like the ones in gated cemeteries)

???: You don't have to go back to Taurasia, but you can't stay here! (A minotaur gets thrown out of an invisible force field)

Minotaur: (Drunken off of apple cider) Oh, sure! Go ahead, throw me out! I know-- (Hic!) I know when I-- (Hic!) Know when I-- (Hic!) When I'm not-- (Hic!) When I'm not wanted... (He faints)

Fluttershy: Oh, my.

Rainbow Dash: Wait here. (Goes up to the gate and slips the paper in)

???: Special guest, huh? (A white cat steps out)

Cat: (Deep voice) Meow. (Climbs up a wooden stool) Password, please.

Rainbow: The pink bitch sent me.

Cat: Ah, good day, Rainbow Dash. Right on time, as per usual for cider season.

Rainbow: Yeah, but this time it's a little different. I brought some friends with me. Hey, guys! (Spike and the other Mane Six come out)

???: YOU DID WHAT?! (A Vulture Harpy swooped in and landed)

Vulture Harpy: RAINBOW DASH, WE HAVE SPECIFICALLY AGREED THAT YOU WOULD KEEP THIS PLACE TO YOURSELF!

Rainbow Dash: It's cool, Miss Harpin Fartin... (Pinkie broke into laughter at that) These guys are cool.

Twilight: A Harpy? (Looks at the white Cat) And a talking cat? Here?

Miss Harpin: Color me less than impressed. What happened with the Griffin Girl, the one who showed you this place?

Rainbow Dash: (Rainbow Dash got sad and bitter) Gilda and I..... Are not at good speaking terms at the moment.

Miss Harpin: Oh, I see. One of those infamous trial separation things, eh? I swear, you two are too quick to be at each other's throats for the most trivial of reasons.

Pinkie: Well, this time, it was because Gilda was just being mean.

Miss Harpin: Tch, you got upset at a Griffin, for being "Mean"? HEY, YOU GUYS HEARD THAT?! THEY GOT UPSET AT A GRIFFIN, FOR BEING A GRIFFIN! (The Bar Patrons burst into laughter)

Applejack: Is there something we aren't aware about Griffins?

Miss Harpin: Oh, my poor dears. Let's just say, Gilda's attitude is only, a symptom of a larger problem. But, that's a story for another time. Well, if Rainbow wants you bunch to be here, then may as well get the Initiation Serpent. HANS! WAKE THE SERPENT UP! (An orc freaks out and slams the gong, and from a giant hole in the wall, slithered a giant snake; as it slowly slithered to the group, it opened its gummed maw)

Pinkie: Looks like some-snake didn't take care of their oral- (A giant cartoonishly long fang popped out with a "BOING") AYAYAYAYAYAY!

Miss Harpin: Who's first?

Rarity: I VOLUNTEER APPLEJACK!

Applejack: Beg yer pardon?!

Twilight: WHAT THE?! I WANT TO COMPLAIN TO THE OWN- (Saw that Harpin's face was on a frame with the words "Owner" on it) Oh, horse apples.

Fluttershy: No offense Rainbow, but, I don't think I want to be here anymore!

Cat: Hold on, Miss Harpin. We'd better let the gatekeeper look at 'em first, make sure they're not the prejudiced type. Also, ya know how hissy your grand-daughter can be when you bring Smiley out.

Pinkie: I like that name.

Rainbow: Besides, it's only for tonight.

Miss Harpin: D'ohhhh, fine. But you’re missing out on a great initiation ceremony.

Cat: Good. Now, let's get the gatekeeper out.

Rainbow Dash: (Whispers) Good save, Ralph.

Cat (Ralph): (Speaks into a funnel) Bring in the hydra.

Mane Six (Except Rainbow Dash): HYDRA?!

Ralph: Oh don't worry, he's a domesticated hydra. They're not like the wild varmints.

???: How many?

Ralph: Rainbow Dash brought in five ponies, plus a lizard.

Spike: Lizard?! Why I oughta-

???: So... Six, then?

Ralph: (Pauses) Yeah, six of 'em oughta do. (A few moments later, six dark blue hydra heads extend from the invisible force field)

Hydra Head #1: Sorry, ladies. My bros and I are gonna have to search you. (The hydra heads sniff at their respective girls and Spike) Hey wait a minute Ralph, this little "Lizard" is a baby dragon!

Ralph: Could've fooled me with the severe lack of wings.

Hydra Head #2: (Recognizes Twilight's scent) It's her. (The hydra heads whisper amongst themselves)

All Hydra Heads: They're clean! (They all disappear like magic)

Rarity: And here I thought the snake with the oversized fang was gonna be the freakiest thing about this place.

Ralph: Go ahead and help yourselves to some drinks. (The Group got to the bar and were met by an Ogre Bartender)

Ogre Bartender: (Heavy Scottish Accent) How's it going Dashie? Shall I go ahead and bring ya the usual, lassie?

Rainbow Dash: Ya know me too well, Angus McHaggis.

Angus: What about the new comers?

Applejack: Oh, uh, I would like a sample of your finest cider, so I'll know what I'm up against here.

Pinkie: (Slams a large bag of money) Give me an entire barrel's worth!

Fluttershy: Uh... (Shyly hides behind mane) Just a small cup, if that's okay with you.

Rarity: I don't suppose you would serve Cider in, a more refined glass?

Twilight: Do you have any menus? I mean, giving this place mainly serves cider I would imagine options aren't that great, but, I want to see if there's any specifics I can- (Angus lifts down an over-sized sign that has variations of cider) Oh. Then in that case, I'll just have the regular. Nothing too fancy.

Spike: I'll take the non-alcoholic Cider. Minor, you know.

Angus: I hear ya. (Shouting) OKAY LADIES, WE GOT SOME SPECIAL ORDERS FROM SPECIAL GUESTS WITH OUR FAVORITE CUSTOMER! (Goes into the kitchen)

(Suddenly, a large shadow looms over Fluttershy, as she meeped to look at a big angry troll, who leers at her as an Eyepatched Centaur came up)

Centaur: He doesn't like you.

Fluttershy: Oh, I'm sorry. Was it something I- (The Eyepatched Centaur grabbed her) EEP!

Centaur: I don't like ya neither!

Fluttershy: W-w-w-w-w-was it something I did?

Centaur: It’s more like what Ponies have been doing fer centuries! Ya got to live in paradise while the rest of us have to fight for scraps just to stay alive! You privileged god-favorites have it TOO good! But don't count on it forever. One of these days, the Storm Clan's gonna find out about Equestria, and when they do, kiss yer happiness goodbye!

Fluttershy: Storms can have clans?

Centaur: (Pauses) GOOD GRIEF, HOW IGNORANT ARE YA?! Okay, screw it! Boru, let's shave her pretty mane off! (Boru the troll pulled out a shaver as he chuckled wickedly)

Fluttershy: MEEP!

???: HEY, CARTER, BORU! (The two angry sots looked to see a male equivalent to the being similar to the questionable reimagining of Maleficent)

Man: Look, I get you guys are bitter about ponies having the bigger piece of the pie, but being assholes about it ain't gonna fix that.

Carter: YA STAY OUT OF THIS, YOU WINGED FREAK! Ya don't wanna mess with us! I'm the strongest Centaur of all of the Centaur side of Taurasia! And Boru once wrestled packs of Manticores into the ground! You mess with us, those wings are going bye-bye!

Man: And you don't want to mess with me. My pals and I fought against shit that you can't imagine, so you might want to move along.

Carter: (Laughs) I don't see any friends around ya, buster! You're delusional! Boru, make short work of this arse! (Boru roared, as he charged at the stranger)

Man: (Quietly) They never listen. (Exudes an aura from his hand) Into a mouse. (Uses magic to turn Boru into a mouse, much to the latter's confusion) Augusta! Dinner! (A half-human harpy clone of Lindsay from Total Drama flies in)

Harpy (Augusta): Aw, do I have to? That mouse was recently transformed, and is still alive. (The boy gives her a look) Okay... (Picks up the Boru mouse with her wing) I'm about to put this little guy in my... (She dangles the Boru mouse over her mouth as it squeaks in terror and Fluttershy covered her eyes)

Carter: DON'T YOU EVEN DARE, YOU SICK BITCH!

Man: You know how to make her stop, Carter.

Miss Harpin: (Arrives) Mihael! Augusta! What are you doing? (Sees the Boru mouse) Is that... is that a customer?!

Mihael: Technically, it's a mouse.

Bar Patrons: EAT HIM! EAT HIM! EAT HIM!

Carter: DON'T CHEER HER ON, YA TWATS! (Angrily charged at Mihael) NOW YOU'RE GONNA GET IT, YOU REJECT FROM THAT REALLY IFFY MALEFICENT MOVIE!

Mihael: Augusta, let him go. (Augusta flicks the Boru mouse in the air, and Mihael turns him back into a troll as he falls onto Carter; the bar patrons laugh) We got rules in this bar, and one of them is "No harassing fellow patrons, especially ponies." But I'm feeling merciful today, so drink your cider and get out. (Carter and Boru begrudgingly went back to their table)

Applejack: Thanks, partner. Mighty nice of you, helping a stranger.

Mihael: Nothing doing. Word of advice, Harpin may own this bar, but I keep it running. What you saw was just self defense. Break the rules, and pay the price.

Miss Harpin: And surely you remember from your years at Magic University not to use your magic as a punishment?

Mihael: They might've mentioned it.

Miss Harpin: And you will do well to remember it. (She leaves)

Twilight: (Thinks) *Magic University?* (Sees Mihael as he whispers something in an African-American centauress' ear) *No, that's just a coincidence.*

Rainbow: Come on, guys. Let's grab a table.

Rarity: But let's be sure it's away from... (Looks at the angered Carter and Boru) Undesirables.

Rainbow Dash: Yeah, sorry about that. Kinda why I only wanted to bring you guys here just for tonight. A lot of Mythics are... A bit bitter about Equestria.

Pinkie: Well why? We never did anything bad to them.

Rainbow Dash: Well, like Carter said. Ponies got the easy life while mythics have it rough. Some like Carter and Boru blame them to being "God-Favorites" to the Alicorn Gods.
Applejack: Well being mad at something like that is unhealthy.

Rainbow: Tell me about it. (They sit down at the table when the centauress, who appears to be a centaur clone of Leshawna from Total Drama, brings their drinks)

Centauress: Here y'all are, girls. (Sets their ciders down)

Rainbow: Thanks, Shanice.

Centauress (Shanice): Another one of our waitresses will be back to take your orders. Also, I'm obligated to tell you that refills here are free. (Leaves)

Applejack: Now, let's see about that cider. (Sips her sample and a female minotaur waitress rolls Pinkie's barrel of cider in)..... DADGUM, THIS ACTUALLY SMACKS APPLE ACRES' CIDER OUT OF THE PARK! I'm surprised these guys aren't competing with us!

Rainbow Dash: Well, that's because they want to stay a secret. Ponies aren't usually so easily cool with mythics. I mean, they're not as bad as P-R-E-D, but, ponies have a bad habit of looking at mythics like as if they're mysterious wonders, or if they had a sour impression, are afraid of them. But we'll talk more later. Bottom's up!

(A few drinks later...)

Rainbow: (She's clearly drunk off the cider) Hey, Pink. Gotta talk to you about sum'thin...

Pinkie: Yeah?

Rainbow: Here iss you... You go to theesh extreme lengths to-- (Burps) 'Scuse me. To get Applejack's cider... Why don' you just 'ave 'er put one on ice for you? I mean, my Gods... that tent, how much did it cost you, hundred, maybe 150 bits. And we go through this every year! This is why the Cakes are defaulting on their mortgage... This is why ol' lady Cuppy has to strip... You got a problem, Pinkie, a real- (Hic!) Serious problem, and it's gotta be addressed. I mean seriously-- (Burps) 'Scuse me. Whuh is it about Applejack's cider that sets it apart from other ciders?!

Pinkie: (Uneasy) Uh... Because she's my friend?

Rainbow: Oh, Jack-Apple's yer pal, but I ain't?

Twilight: Okay, Rainbow, I think you've had enough.

Rainbow: DON'T tell me when I've had enough cider! I'll tell YOU when I've had enough! (Briefly cries) I'm sorry, Twinkie Sprinkles, I didn't mean to snap at you... I'll chase it down with some salt. WAITER! (Falls out of her seat)

Rarity: Goodness, this is strong stuff.

Pinkie: And that's only from only TWO refills!

Applejack: (Helps Rainbow back up) No wonder she comes here every cider season.

Twilight: Hmm...

Spike: (Drinking his non-alcoholic cider) Something wrong, Twilight?

Twilight: No, it's just.. aside from her being drunk, no one's called me by that name since--

???: TWILIGHT SPARKLE! (A half-Qunari half-Minotaur clone of MacArthur from Total Drama is standing near the piano and snorts)

Twilight: Valerie Farmer... Wait here, girls. This might get ugly. (The crowd clears the way as the two entered a standoff until Valerie picks Twilight up... and hugs her)

Valerie: Good to see you, you little rascal!

Twilight: (Laughs) You too!

Valerie: Never thought I'd see you in THIS neck of Equestrian woods!

Twilight: Me neither. Hey, I see you're working the piano.

Valerie: Yeah. Even after college, it helps me keep in touch with my feminine side.

Rainbow: (Still drunk) Yer right... this IS ugly.

Valerie: So, Gusty and Mihael told me that Carter and Boru were giving one of your new friends some shit earlier, huh?

Twilight: Well, luckily Mihael was there to help out. Then I thought "That couldn't be the Mihael who helped me out all those years ago".

Pinkie: HEY! (Twilight and Valerie turn to her) Who is this?

Twilight: Girls, this is Valerie Farmer. She's one of my old friends. We met at Magic University years ago.

Valerie: Yeah, and I bet you went through some CRAZY shit after we stopped Madame Sphynx. Hey, Spike, get over here, little guy!

Spike: Wait a minute...... VALERIE?! (Zooms off to her location) That really you? Yowza, someone's been working out!

Rarity: Um, Twilight, pardon my rudeness, but, you're familiar with this Minotaur Girl?

Pinkie: I thought Minotaurs were a male only race.

Valerie: We were. But, let's just say, Starswirl resolved that problem, and, leave it at that. Besides, I'm not really all minotaur, but we'll get to that when we get to that.

Applejack: Funny how Twilight never mentioned you.

Fluttershy: Or any Magic University.

Valerie: WHAT?! You've never heard of Mag-U?!

Fluttershy: "Mag-U"?

Valerie: We used to call it "M.U.", but it kept getting the school mistaken for being a University for Cows, so we had to change the abridgement.

Twilight: Sorry I didn't say anything about Magic University, Valerie. I felt that, my time there wasn't relevant prior to this.

Pinkie: Okay, now THIS I gotta hear! If you made friends with a bunch of mythics at a magical college, you must have some amazing stories!

Twilight: Well, some are amazing, others... Not so amazing--

Valerie: So, hey, Twilight, is Celestia still keeping that Spell Games fiasco a secret? That mess is barely even relevant anymore.

???: (A fat minotaur in a metal helmet comes by the table) Hey, uh, I thought we weren't supposed to bring that up around... You-know-who... (Points to Augusta) She still hasn't gotten over it.

Valerie: Hey, Twilight's friends are our friends, too, Iggy. They gotta know what happened back then.

Iggy: I'm just saying, ya know how Augusta doesn't like to be reminded of it.

Shanice: (Comes up to the table) Yeah, and we still haven't heard from Helena.

Valerie: We don't even know where she is. And frankly, I'm still bitter enough to not really care at the moment.

Applejack: Don't worry. We're sure that whatever you had to put up with, we can handle the details. (Rainbow Dash is seen to have passed out from inebriation) Maybe not all of us, but...

Mihael: (Sighs) I got it. (Exudes the aura from his hands) Inebriation... BEGONE! (Snaps his fingers and Rainbow Dash wakes up)

Rainbow: Huh, who, what, when, where, what, huh? Where am I?..... Huh..... Usually I take a while before I become sober. And that usually comes with a murderous hangover.

Pinkie: The winged dude made you undrunk.

Rainbow: Oh. Usually he just gives me a lift home.

Mihael: Anyway, turns out Twilight's dream of being taught by Celestia came attached with a scholarship to Magic University, a school where mythics gifted in the ways of magic who dream of becoming Celestia's students can attend. Twilight's days at Mag-U began 10 years ago when she got her cutie mark and was old enough to leave the school nursery. But her real trouble was staying friends with Augusta. (Augusta walks away bitterly)

### Chapter 1: Twilight Sparkle, the College Student

(10 years ago...)

(Mihael): Augusta had just boarded the yacht to travel to Magic University after three years of being held back due to bad grades.

Augusta: (A young Augusta was seen boarding a bus-like yacht) Ah, here we go, Gusty. This could be your chance to not be a first-year after all this time. (Goes over to another seat where a decently cute-looking female orc is sitting) Would you mind if I sat here?

Orc: No, not at all. (Augusta sits with her) My name's Kasey... With a K.

Augusta: I'm Augusta Cardinal. My friends call me Gusty. You know, for an orc, you're surprisingly less ugly than I thought you'd be.

Kasey: Ooh... (Inhales through her teeth) You probably didn't know, but in the village I'm from, an orc can call another orc ugly, but when other species do it, it's kind of...

Augusta: (Gasps) I'm so sorry! Just imagine, me, Gusty, the girl everyone thinks is just an air-headed dopey harpy, stereotyping you.

Kasey: That's okay. It's a common mistake at best. I mean, I know orcs are not usually easy on the eyes for other races, but trust me, the ugliness thing is MINOR compared to how we're often considered bad guys because of a few bad eggs.

Yacht Driver: Oh, you girls are going to love Magic University. In fact, Princess Celestia herself said that... Miss, where are the other students?

Augusta: Other students?

Kasey: You mean, the water girls? I told them they have to ride in the hot tub.

Yacht Driver: HOT TUB?! NO WONDER EVERYTHING'S BEEN SMELLING LIKE FISH STICKS! (Runs off)

(Fluttershy): Goodness! Are they okay?

(Valerie): Luckily, smelling like fish sticks was the worst thing to happen.

Kasey: (A couple of mermaids and mermen were seen moaning in pain) Okay, how hot was that hot tub that sea creatures turn into something out of Red Lobster?

Augusta: Sorry, that thing's been broken for awhile. I was almost turned to boiled chicken from the stupid thing.

???: Good thing I was lucky enough to avoid that. (A Lapis Lazuli Gem with her gem on her forehead was carrying a mermaid in a water barrel as she sat down and placed the barrel next to her)

Mermaid: Hey, Gusty.

Augusta: Hey, Alison. Still traveling by Lapis, I see.

Alison: It's not a money thing, I just get uneasy around boats. You know how it is when some people want to keep their ship...

Lapis Lazuli (Forehead Gem): Dry. Yeah. "Ahh, too dry". We know.

(Pinkie): Why would she travel on rocks?

(Valerie): You, uh, misunderstood me. See, Allison has this alien humanoid shape-swifter whose life force is depended on a precious stone they're named after, and... Okay, I admit, that was a weird thing to say. I take it you guys are not familiar with "Steven Universe"? Well, anyway...

(Meanwhile, with Twilight...)

Celestia: Here we are, my most faithful student... Magic University. (A young Twilight was seen excited, but nervous and Spike was a pack mule for all of Twilight's things)

Spike: I know Twilight hatched me from an egg when she was young, but do I always have to be the pack mule?

Twilight: Princess, is this where the most gifted ponies go?

Spike: AND I wasn't even acknowledged.

Celestia: Well, I'm going to let you in on a long kept secret. This school is-- (A living suit of pony armor runs onto the scene)

Pony Armor: Princess Celestia, Madame! We have discovered an urgent plumbing issue that requires your attention!

Celestia: Plumbing? What seems to be the problem?

Pony Armor: There is a clogged toilet on the top floor of the Eastern Women's Dormitory. (A giantess student is seen from the knees down)

Giantess: Sorry.

Celestia: That's quite all right. We all get stomach aches.

Goblin Janitor: EASY FOR YOU TO SAY! Ya don't have to be the one to clean all that literal shit! I'm gonna have to call the entire team for this!

Twilight: Wait a minute, are these.... Mythics? I thought they all died out in the Fear Wars!

Celestia: I take it have a lot to explain, don't I?

Pony Armor: Can that wait after you deal with a very concerning toilet issue? Because soon that giant poop will STINK up the place!

Celestia: (Quietly) Not in front of my student, Sir Suit-Zoot.

Pony Armor (Sir Suit-Zoot): (Sees Twilight) Very well, make your explanation quick.

Goblin Janitor: Yeah, and hurry. (The two of them run off)

Celestia: You see, Twilight, after Unicorns, Pegasi and Earth Ponies finally learned to live together in harmony, I happened upon an idea that many mythical creatures of legend should come to Equestria and live in similar harmony with the ponies. This extraordinary college was built after the Unity of Mythics and Ponies and the forming of the Equestrian Royal Council where gifted creatures of legend who want to study magic and become faithful students can attend.

Twilight: But, what about... Him?

Spike: Him who?

Twilight: The Boogeyman, who tried to cast Equestria into an eternal age of fear, but the princess vanquished him in his tracks before the famed Princess Luna vanished. Yet I have no idea what happened to her.

Celestia: All of those Mythics that "died out" didn't exactly die out. They only have gone into hiding. Since that time, they no longer have bad tidings with Equestrians. Still, their nations are moved around a lot.

Spike: Well, I'll be a son of a fish stick.

Celestia: And now, I must go. That toilet isn't going to unclog itself. Why don't you make yourself comfortable? (Flies away)

Twilight: I'll make you proud, Princess. (to herself) I still can't believe I'm finally here. With everything I dreamed of since I was a filly, the reality of this is sure to make me the best college student ever. (to Spike) Okay, Spike, what's first on our to-do list?

Spike: (Pulls out a list) Okay, first up, there's "get registered"... (A Tarkatan speeds toward them and stops a couple of feet in front of them)

Both: AHHH!

Tarkatan: Hiya there, freshmen! I'm Clay the R.A., and I'm here to say, registration is... (points to a building with his retractable claw) That-a-way!

Twilight: Uh... okay, Clay.

Clay: Have a great first day! (Runs off)

Spike: Didn't really look like a mythic. What kinda creature WAS that?

Twilight: I can only guess. But he looked like he belongs to something EXTRA violent. I wouldn't be surprised if he was from another world, an alternate plain of existence even.

Kasey: (Appears behind Spike) Oh, those look heavy. Let me help you. (Lifts up Twilight's bags with just one arm)

Spike: HOLY CRUD, AN ORC!

Kasey: (Sighs) (Quietly) Don't worry Kasey, reactions like that will be common, remember the unpleasant expectations of orcs.

Twilight: (Shields Spike) Listen, Mr. Orc, Spike didn't want any trouble, we-

Kasey: Actually, I'm a girl. (Twilight and Spike were surprised) I mean, okay, I know I am not exactly the most overtly feminine orc ever, but that can't be helped since Orcs are naturally big-bodied beings.

Spike: I just noticed that you’re-

Kasey: Surprisingly nice? I get it, you expected me to be a total bad-tempered meat-head because, I know, Orcs aren't exactly known for being chill. I know those bad examples set poor expectations of what Orcs are, but it doesn't hurt to at least try to know them before you expect the worse, kay?

Twilight: Wow, only a few minutes in and already I'm learning something new. (A Giant Spider with a Camera appeared and snapped Twilight's and Spike's pictures)

Both: DAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

Giant Spider: That's one for the yearbook! (Gets photo) When this is ready, I am so gonna go for "Most likely to be really cute"! (Crawls off)

Spike: Did we just had our picture taken, by a giant talking spider?

Twilight: What's next, we encounter Bigfoot and an alien? (A Bigfoot and a defected Irken walked by them)

Bigfoot: 'S'up.

Irken: Irken's greetings.

Spike: (Spike and Twilight stared bewildered) This school could not get weirder. (Wizards in the style of the first Spyro the Dragon Game flew in)

Kasey: Heads up, it's the Wiz-Prefects.

Spike: (Chuckles) Wiz.

Kasey: Hey, based on what I heard, the Wiz-Prefects are basically hall monitors. (Some Wiz-Prefects surround a Garbage Troll eating garbage)

Wiz-Prefect 1: That garbage is not for eating, Daniel.

Daniel the Garbage Troll: Hey give me a break, wiz-fects! I'm a garbage troll, we're supposed to eat garbage! It's not like anyone else wants it.

Wiz-Prefect 2: This school is trying to have students follow a strict diet. And discarded objects don't count as the edible kind.

Daniel: Hey be cool, I didn't have breakfast this morning!

Wiz-Prefect 3: Then perhaps you would like to explain that to the Student Counselor Basilisk?

Daniel: Hey come on, that guy's so condescending. He talks down to people like they're 3 year olds.

Wiz-Prefect 4: We're all technically younger than him. He's a millennia old. Now put the trash down and march to the Counselor's office. (Daniel moaned disgruntled as he puts the trash back down)

Spike: Wow, those guys are strict.

Kasey: That's nothing. Just watch when they respond to those that really push the limits, even for so much as chewing gum. (A Lizard Man Teen was seen chewing gum and the Wiz-Prefects saw this)

Wiz-Prefect 5: GUM ON THE PREMISES! (The group charged at the Lizard Man Teen, who screamed as he made a run for it) STOP HIM!

Twilight: Holy Equestria, why would Celestia allow these extreme measures?

Augusta: (Shows up) Yeah, it wasn't necessarily Celestia's doing... 'Cause, ya know, with her being a ruler of an entire nation, she isn't much able to give too much input, so, the school had to be micromanaged by Mag-U's Principal and Vice Principal: A sentient will o'wisp, and one of those, weird living Flytrap plant people. Principal William Whisper, and Vice-Principal Headason Biteoff.

Spike: (While rolling his eyes) REAAAL subtle names there.

Augusta: Tch, I know, right? I'm Augusta. Third-time first year student.

Kasey: I'm Kasey... with a K. First year.

Twilight: I'm Twilight Sparkle, first year. And this is Spike.

Kasey: Whaddya say we head down to registration?

(At the registration counter)

Kasey: We're next! (Twilight, Kasey and Augusta go up to an overweight female satyr)

Satyr: Hey! I'm Day! Here are your orientation packets. (Hands Twilight and Kasey orientation packets)

Kasey: Thanks, Day!

Day: Augusta, welcome back! Fourth time's the charm, huh?

Augusta: You bet, Day.

Spike: FOURTH time?

Augusta: Yeah, Celestia held me back. Three times.

Day: You girls can drop your bags off here and get your pictures taken with Ray.

Spike: Ray? (A male giraffe sticks his neck out)

Giraffe: Over here! I'm Ray, and I'm here to take freshman pictures today!

Spike: Wait, I though Giraffes were un-sentient!

Day: It depends on the type of giraffe. It's complicated. (The three girls get their pictures taken one at a time)

Kasey: Starting today, I'm a college student! Can you believe it?!

Augusta: Hopefully I won't get held back this year! (A human fairy came by leading a group of students)

Fairy: Okay, everyone, I'm Shay, and I'll be giving you your orientation tour on this perfect day!

Augusta: You guys go on ahead without me. I gotta go meet my friends. (Walks off, but bumps into a stocky minotaur) Oh, sorry, Mr. Farmer!

Minotaur (Mr. Farmer): That's okay, Augusta. No one got hurt. Let me know if you see Valerie.

Augusta: Hoo, boy. Yes, sir! (Flies away)

Shay: Oh, people, this is Mr. Farmer, the college disciplinarian. (The crowd oohed)

Spike: (Quietly) Easily impressed much?

Mr. Farmer: As disciplinarian, it's my job to punish those who break the rules. And I can personally guarantee you, that as long as Celestia is around, no living being will be harmed on campus. (The tour group is intimidated) Carry on. (Twilight, Spike and Kasey join the tour group as Augusta watches them from above, and her eyes give a golden glow, unseen by other students)

(In a dimly lit building)

???: (A crystal ball is seen focusing on Twilight and Spike as a creature views it from the shadows) Yes... join your little group, my little pony. We wouldn't want to miss dear old Celestia's freshman celebration now, would we? (Scoffs) Celebration. Bah! In my day, we had fantastical social events, when Luna was around. (The creature steps into the light, revealing a sphinx who looks like Zira, but with wings)
Sphynx: And now look at me. Banished and imprisoned in this school while SHE and her prissy pony people have parties. Hmph! Well, I'll be sure to give her a party she won't soon forget.

???: Are ya spying on the students again, Miss Sphynx? (A lamia slithers out of the shadows)

Lamia: 'Cause, that is creepy as all crud.

Madame Sphynx: Tch, you and your snarky comments, Helena. When I see in this crystal ball, it is not just another set of starry-eyed hopefuls. I see... Everything. Darkness and light, despair and hope.

Lamia (Helena): (Quietly) There she goes again.

Madame Sphynx: Chaos and harmony, (As Helena hand-puppets Sphynx's words) Joy and sadness... (Sternly at Helena) SUBSERVIENCE AND TREACHERY!

Helena: Hey hey, chill it with that temper, why don't ya?

Madame Sphynx: The possibility of imminent failure... The satisfaction of success... A culmination of all that my other students have reached for but could not grasp! (Laughs) I see everything! I see absolutely everything in her! (Sighs) It is a shame that such potential is wasted upon that foolish firstborn Celestia. Cardinal, Slitherman, Scorchman! I want to make a public appearance at this year's freshman orientation ceremony. And make sure you give special attention to that purple unicorn. She may hold the key to Celestia's undoing...

Helena: (Scoffs sarcastically) That doesn't seem ominous at all.

Madame Sphynx: WILL YOU JUST LEAVE?!

Helena: Okay okay, this evil witch lair schtick is cramping my style anyway. (She exits a desolate stone building)

Mr. Farmer: (Passes by) Helena, have you seen Valerie?

Helena: That's a big no on the sighting of a certain minotaur hybrid, Mr. Farmer, but there's a safe bet she's not far behind.

(Meanwhile...)

Shay: The campus offers a wide variety of majors, both related and not related to magic, but the crowning achievement of Mag-U is Celestia's Magic Program. (She gestures to a large building with a statue of Celestia in front of it)

Bat Folk Freshman: Yeesh, egocentric much? I thought Celestia would be more humble than that.

Shay: That was mostly from the principals.

Bat Folk Freshman: Well what kind of lousy cock-suckers do they have to be to build this? (A large flytrap plant being appeared behind the group) I mean, this is an extreme case of ass-kiss-

Voice: INSOLENCE! (The Bat Folk Freshmen freaks out to see the plant being, which holds a golden hue crystal ball with a color changing mist)

Crystal Ball: I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS KIND OF DISRESPECT! And here I thought new students were a fresh new start!

Shay: I'm sorry about that, Principal Whisper. They can't all be winners.

Principal Whisper: To my dismay... Headason! Drag the bat folk child into my office!

Bat Folk Freshman: Wait wait wait, don't I get a say in this- (The plant being starts to drag the bat folk freshman away with its vines)

Spike: (Quietly) Yeesh, for a will o'the wisp, he sure is awfully loud.

Principal Whisper: (Dubbed as Scar) WHAT DID YOU SAY?! (The group stares at Twilight)

Twilight: Uh... I uh... Said absolutely nothing.

Principal Whisper: Good. Now move along. (The tour group moves along and the principals leave with the bat folk freshman)

Twilight: (Quietly) Spike, you almost gave me a bad first impression with the principals on the first day!

Spike: (Quietly) I didn't think he would hear that!

Twilight: Let's hope things get better in time when the ceremony starts.

Celestia: (Flies in) Enjoying the tour, Twilight?

Twilight: Well, that depends... Did you know anything about an overly strict Will o'wisp having an army of strict wizards and a plant being going around being REALLY strict and also over-glorified you in some areas like that statue?

Celestia: (Sighs) Of course Ol' William takes things to over the top levels again while I'm away doing royal duties. I really need to get that literal ball of hot-air to try and relax more. But don't worry, he's actually very kind and sweet when you get to know him better.

Spike: Try telling that to that Bat Folk kid about to get an earful from him.

Celestia: Well, let's hope Mr. Farmer comes up with a suitable punishment when the ceremony starts. Come, let me show you some clubs you could attend.

Kasey: You have room for one more? I need to make some new friends anyway.

(In another part of the campus)

Troll: (An obese troll speaks up) hey! Keep your magic in good taste, at the Cooking Club.

Nickelodeon Fairy: (A Nickelodeon fairy poofs in) Come join the United Universal Relations Team!

Celestia: I'm sure you know by now to expect students from other worlds.

Twilight: Yes, Princess. (They pass by a female dullahan and a muscly jock ogre)

Dullahan: Magic University Greek Council. We sponsor the annual Spell Games.

Twilight: (goes back to them) The Spell what?

Ogre: THE SPELL GAMES! A far-out intense magic competition!

Dullahan: They can be dangerous, because anything can happen. You could get hospitalized.

Ogre: And it's worth it! You get a chance to compete with the best of the best! And thanks to healing mages, actual risk of death is the thing of the past- (The Dullahan smacks him) OW!

Dullahan: We agreed to not reference that anymore, idiot! Especially not to freshmen!

Celestia: Don't worry, Twilight, any actual deaths were extremely rare even before the advent of healing mages.

Twilight: Yeah, all the same, I'll, uh, understandably pass on it.

Dullahan: Well, you're always welcome to give it a try when you do feel ready! (Celestia and Twilight moved on)

Gothic Gargoyle: Join the Gothic club. Or don’t. We don’t care.

Nerdy Goblin: Join the Chess club, and hopefully you’ll get a checkmate on life.

Even Nerdier Goblin: Embark on a marvelous adventure with Ye Olde Ogres and Oubliettes club. (Spike was curious by that)

Sporty Lizardman: SPORTS CLUB, HOO-HA!

Creature capturer Birdman: What’s the catch of the day? Find out at the Creature Catching Club!

Lake Creature: Get a real reward at the Fishing Club.

Troll with a club: Duh, Clubs club.

Crazy Goblin: (Holds a bomb) Join the Explosives club!

Wiz-Prefect 1: (Shows up with other Wiz-Prefects) HEY, WE SAID THAT CLUB WAS DISBANDED!

Crazy Goblin: Crap...

Giant Worm: Join the Literature club. (Fixes his glasses a bit)

Twilight: Now that's something I can get behind.

Spike: Because of COURSE you would be attracted to books.

Harpy: Hey, little pony! Come join the improv club! You'll wish you were, uh, always, never... GOD FUCKING DAMN IT! (The bells rings)

Celestia: Ah, the freshman orientation ceremony is about to start.

Twilight: Just a sec. (Signs in to join the literature club) All set.

(Valerie): This is where I enter the picture.

Augusta: (She lands behind the auditorium where the opening ceremony takes place) You know, sometimes I wonder why I even decided to work for her. I feel like that cute little Michael J. Fox mouse, except I’m practically a bird. (Iggy shows up, revealing himself to be a minotaur clone of Owen from Total Drama)

Iggy: Where have you been, Gusty?

Augusta: Hi, Iggy. Is everyone else here? (Allison arrives with Lapis)

Alison: We’re all here, Gusty. We even got Brody... (A miniature hydra appears)

Hydra (Brody): Hey, Gusty.

Alison: Joey... (A fat blue dragon shows up)

Joey: Too bad you missed my entrance, Gust!

Alison: And Shanice.

Shanice: (Trots over to Augusta and hugs her) What’s up, girlfriend?

Augusta: Where are the other guys?

Brody: Mihael decided to take a rain check on the ceremony.

Lapis Lazuli (Forehead Gem): And Cody got stuck with early pipe organ practice. He said it was the only way Falltalon could loan us the instruments Valerie needs.

Augusta: Oh... I wanted to talk to you guys about that. Mr. Farmer told me to watch out for Valerie.

Iggy: (Became worried) Oh, man, if Mr. Farmer catches us with that stuff, he’ll kill us! Valerie, are you sure we gotta do this?

Valerie: (Appears) It’s the only way she’ll listen, Iggs. Celestia just doesn’t understand; to her, I’m just one of her students… but after today... (Microphone feedback is heard as a gothic elf shows up with rock and roll equipment) Cody.

Elf (Cody): I got done early.

Valerie: Awesome! Everyone remember the game plan?

Alison: You take Joey, Iggy, Shanice and Cody up to the stage, Brody will keep a lookout for the Wiz-Prefects, and the rest of us join the audience to enjoy the show.

Valerie: Yep. This is gonna be great!

Cody: (Stops Valerie) My funds.

Valerie: Oh, yeah. Right here. (Takes a picture out of her wallet) I paid her a visit last month. Luckily, she’s still single.

Cody: (He looks at the picture, which is of a full-figured giantess) Terra...

Joey: All right, let’s do it, ladies!

(At the orientation ceremony...)

???: (A female wizard from the Anime Universe steps up to the podium) As Head Wiz-Prefect of Magic University, I would like to welcome all students, new and returning.

Boy: Yo, Amy! Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me, baby!

Amy: (Looks unimpressed) Before we get started, I would like to address a troublemaker on campus. Frederico Batson was caught bad-mouthing Princess Celestia and the principals during his orientation tour. (the other students booed the Bat Folk Freshman as he was displayed) He will be punished with cleaning duty in Celestia’s Magic program main building for the rest of the semester. And speaking of Celestia, a student has become yet another protege and has decided to enroll. Will the Equestrian unicorn named Twilight Sparkle please rise up and present yourself? (Twilight stands up and the crowd cheers for her)

Valerie: (Sees Twilight from backstage) She’s the new teacher’s pet? (Scoffs) She doesn’t look that special.

Amy: As for the rest of you freshmen, I hope you will all make a great first impression at our annual fraternity social gathering and bonfire party before Nightmare Night. (The students cheer louder) Thank you, thank you very much. And now without further ado, Principal William Whisper. (The students abruptly stop cheering)

Principal Whisper: Thank you, Amy. And good morning, students.

(Backstage...)

Valerie: Just think, guys. If this works, Celestia will leave me alone and I don't have to worry about that stupid magic program again until I graduate.

Brody: (Pokes his head in) Guys, we got trouble.

Valerie: Let me guess. Wiz-fects?

Iggy: Did Mr. Farmer see you? Because if he did, he's going to nuke our entire scholarships!

Brody: Worse. Madame Sphynx is out of her building. We need to move now!

Valerie: Oh, snap! I hope this works...

(Later...)

Principal Whisper: Now, your dorm assignments and class schedules will be handed out after the ceremony. And if you have any questions, don't hesitate to-- (A lion's roar is heard as Madame Sphynx flies in, with Helena following close behind) Oh, Madame Sphynx! This is a surprise.

Augusta: (She's sitting behind Twilight; whispers) She's a legend in this school. She fought Celestia once.

Madame Sphynx: Yes... I thought I'd drop by. Forgive me if I've interrupted anything.

Principal Whisper: No, no, we were just welcoming some new freshmen into our school. And who knows, maybe some of them will join Celestia's program.

Madame Sphynx: Is that so? Well... then perhaps these students would like a few words of... inspiration. (The lights go out) Wha...? (Fog fills up the room) Hey... I'm not gonna get-- (Suddenly she gets flung out of the room) AHHHH!

Helena laughed at that!

(Joey): Students and freshmen of Magic University, ARE YOUY READY TO ROCK?! (The students cheer, except for Twilight and Spike) Hit it, Val!

Scroopfan: I still think the other song we were gonna go for was better.

Twilight: (Quietly) How dare she interupt the faculty like this!

Celestia: (Sighs) (Quietly) Valerie, what're you doing this time?

Principal Whisper: (Vice-Principal Headason unplugs the amps) YOU! You've gotten yourselves off to a very bad start this year! (Two Wiz-Prefects show up with Brody) And I know just what to do with you! (to Mr. Farmer) Farmer, see to it that these delinquents are confined to their dorm rooms for a month!

Amy; Actually, sir, they don't have dorm rooms yet.

Principal Whisper: Good! They can live in the frat house we condemned a few years ago. (The students gasped)

Amy; Sir... you don't mean...

Principal Whisper: Yes... the cursed Alpha Nu Kappa fraternity house. (Long pause)

Iggy: YEAH-HA-HA! A cursed frat house! WHOO! (Silence) Anyone?

Joey: (Dubbed as Bobby from *A Goofy Movie*) We're busted...

Mr. Farmer: Just take a seat for now.

Valerie; Right, Pop. (The guilty party take their seats, and Valerie spots one next to Twilight) Hey, purple! Is that seat taken?

Twilight: Uh, actually-

Valerie: Sweet! (Flips over to the seat, not knowing Spike was sitting there, and sits on him) And for the record, you can keep that Celestia gig for all I care. (Feels Spike under her) (Dubbed as Little John) Oh, uh, hey, wait, what's... (Pulls Spike out) Oh, uh, excuse me, Buster.

Spike: BUSTER?! IS THAT ANYWAY TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE YOU NEARLY TREATED LIKE A SEAT CUSHION, YA FAT JERK?!

Valerie: FAT?! I'M BIG-BONED!

Twilight: Well you sat on him to begin with, fatso.

Valerie: OH, SO NOW YOU'RE GETTING IN ON THE ACT, PURPLE NURPLE?!

Twilight: NOW LISTEN HERE, BROWN COW, I-

Valerie: COW?! Tch, you got a REAL winner here, Celly!

Twilight: DON'T YOU TALK TO PRINCESS CELESTIA LIKE THAT, YA FAT SACK OF BEEF! YOU, SIR, ARE-

Valerie: SIR?! I'M A WOMAN!

Twilight: Wait what? I thought Minotaurs were all male.

Valerie: You can thank Starswirl for ending that stereotype.

Twilight: I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THIS! (Grabs Spike) We're sitting somewhere else, Spike. (Leaves) Care to join us, Princess Celestia?

Celestia: (Quietly) This is far from the first impression I wanted to make. (Leaves to go with Twilight)

Valerie: (Pause) Tch... And here I thought the last pony Celestia picked was lousy. (to Twilight as she left) AND FOR THE RECORD, I SAID EXCUSE ME!

(Rarity): Goodness, that was most certainly far from a stellar first impression.

(Valerie): Yeah, but as bad as that was, that would be nothing compared to what Madame Sphynx had to say next.

Madame Sphynx: (Watches Twilight sit in a different seat) Now, as I was saying before I was so (To where Valerie was) RUDELY, interrupted... In the words of Celestia herself, "Friendship is the true measure of magic. If you don't have any friends, what kind of a person are you?" It is our job to open doors to great magical opportunity, and we have no room for reckless students to embarrass themselves less. That is why I will talk to Princess Celestia about co-hosting a final exam at the end of the semester. Fail that exam... and you will be terminated from Celestia's Magic Program. (Celestia was surprised by that and shocked!) If you do fail, my program is always looking for potential students. (Everyone is silent) Well, I should hope you are all properly inspired. Come, Helena. We must discuss our business with Celestia... Among other things. (Flies out of the room, with Helena following her; Celestia got a wee bit pissed at what Sphynx just did)

(Later, in Madan Sphynx's room)

Celestia: (Celestia bucked the door down) SPHYNX?!

Madame Sphynx: Tch, Celestia, really. I had figured your mother made YOU the well-mannered one. Bucking down doors is *rude*.

Celestia: SPHYNX, I DID NOT AGREE TO THIS!

Principal Whisper: (Principal Wisper appeared next to her) Wait, you DIDN'T approved of Sphynx's idea?

Celestia: I KNOW NOTHING OF WHAT SHE IS DOING!

Principal Wisper: Uh, I, I, Oh dear Alicorns I am SO SORRY CELESTIA, BUT WHEN SPHYNX CAME TO OFFER THAT PLAN TO ME, SHE SAID YOU OKAYED IT!

Celestia: I want this corrected, Whisper! NOW!

Principal Whisper: Of course, of course, I'll inform the students not to worry about Sphynx's words right away! I'll inform them that it was a MAJOR misunderstanding! (Zooms off)

Madame Sphynx: (Sighs dejected) You're lucky that will'o'wisp is SUCH a gutless coward to you, Celestia. I was only trying to ensure these immature idiots took what you are trying to do seriously.

Celestia: But scaring them into thinking that they'll be punished with removal FOR FAILING THEIR LESSONS?! That is NOT what Friendship is about! This school is suppose to be about showing the way to friendship, NOT TREATING IT LIKE AN S.A.T. TEST!

Madame Sphynx: Ugh, such anger. Is it REALLY any wonder why Luna went insane as she did- (Gets magic choked as she got pulled closer to Celestia) Okay, okay, maybe I rattled your stables too hard that time! (Celestia lets her go and sighs)

Celestia: Sphynx, normally, I would be MODERATELY patient with your insane stunts, but I will not tolerate this one, because you did it IN FRONT OF MY NEW STAR PUPIL?!"

Madame Sphynx: Oh, you mean the purple little pony that got a bit huffy with one of your OTHER failures?

Celestia: I don't want you going around, giving her the wrong ideas and making her a nervous wreck?! She's already worried about being the protege to an alicorn god as it is, I do not want you to fill her head with implications that I am hard to please and make mistakes in a panic! Do you understand me?!

Madame Sphynx: Oh, Celestia, must you always mommy your little pet projects?

Celestia: At least my personal students RESPECT ME!

Helena: OHH! YOU GOT BURNED, WITCHY!

Madame Sphynx: CAN YOU NOT HELENA?! (To Celestia) As if you had a better history with disciples, Celestia. Remember the brat with the Bacon Hair?

Celestia: I learned from that, Sphynx. I intend to do well with Sparkle. And it starts by keeping you... (Eyes start glowing like the force of the sun as horn flared) As far away from her as possible! If I catch you trying to mess with my star pupil, you will BEG for exile into Tartarus!

Madame Sphynx: You know, it's VERY ironic that you believe in this "Friendship is Magic" philosophy with a temper like that. Tartarus wouldn't even be NEEDED to imprison our worse evils if you just had the backbone to use that power absolutely, Celestia.

Celestia: Just stay clear of Twilight Sparkle and her faithful assistant. (To Helena) Helena, I have nothing against you personally, but this applies to you as well. I know you can't help being attached to Sphynx's nonsense, but I can't risk you being around Twilight without it turning out to be one of her latest acts of lunacy. I hope you understand. (Leaves)

Helena: Oh thanks a lot, cat-butt, now I can't make a good impression with Sparkle and be an actual friend without it being suspected that it's just another one of your stupid shenanigans!

Madame Sphynx: (Sighs) No matter... there's still Cardinal and Scorchman. Perhaps they will convince her to join my program...

Helena: Uh, I kinda doubt that. They wouldn't want to drag her into your shit, she's too innocent for your BS.

Sphynx; She'll do as I say if she wants her reward. (Looks over to a picture of a sad Augusta next to a happy Augusta with human arms)

(At the Northern Women's Dorm)

Receptionist: Okay... Twilight Sparkle, Room 913. (Hands her the key) You know, your roommate is in Celestia's program, too.

Twilight: Really?

(Down the hallway)

Twilight: "Hello there. My name is Twilight Sparkle and I am your new roommate." No, that's too formal.

Spike: Don't force it, Twilight. Just let it happen. (They arrive at the room) Our new friend is right behind this door. (Twilight opens the door and sees Augusta)

Twilight: Augusta?!

Augusta: Twilight! (Hugs her with her wings) You're my new roommate! (A tall orange dragon appears next to Spike)

Dragon: Hey, a fellow dragon! You're an assistant, too, huh? Gary Scorchman, second Year. (Shakes Spike's hand) I have a feeling we're gonna be BEST FRIENDS!

Spike: I think that's suppose to work over time, dude.

Gary: Then let's get cracking on that, little buddy! (Brings out a tray of cookies) I made friendship cookies!

Spike: Yikes, Magic University did a number on you.

### Chapter 2: The First Semester and A Feline Proposition

(Rainbow Dash): Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So, Augusta was attending Celestia's program even though she was working with Madame Sphynx?

(Twilight): Well, yes, but you see, I didn't KNOW she was working for Madame Sphynx. I thought she was determined to never give up.

Twilight: All right. Unpack?

Spike: Check.

Twilight: Organize past study notes?

Spike: Check.

Twilight: Now I just need to ace my classes, graduate with honors, and become Celestia's most faithful student ever.

Augusta: I wish I had your confidence, Twilight. I had my luggage delivered here by my father.

Twilight: Why didn't just bring your own luggage here?

Augusta: (Turns around and spreads her wings) Do I really have to say it?

Twilight: Your wings are beautiful.

Augusta: Exactly. Just wings, no arms. I'm half-human, half-harpy. I got held back all those times because I couldn't even attempt a test. It's hard to hold a pencil with wings, you know. Even when I tried to test using my feet, it just felt gross. That's why Gary here was assigned to me as my assistant.

Gary: Guilty as charged.

Spike: Wait, but I see birds use their wings like arms and hands all the time, what's your excuse?

Augusta: Likely those birds operate under toon logic. I work in semi-realistic logic were my feathers are actually feathers, not something I can control like fingers. That and I was raised by my father on Mythologia.

Twilight: Well I'm still glad I got into a roommate position with you and not that lunkhead that tried to turn Spike into a Butt-Pillow!

Augusta: Hey, try to mind Valerie, okay? She used to be one of Celestia's students before, well, she just couldn't keep up with what Celestia wanted from her and, kinda failed.

Twilight: I'd be more concerned, but since Valerie has the manners of typical Minotaur behavior, I'm more surprised Celestia made her a personal student to begin with. She had the nerve to disrupt and disrespect Madame Sphynx!

Augusta: Hey, fair's fair, she deserved it for trying to turn friendship into a Standerdised Test.

Twilight: (Pause) Well, I admit that I wasn't crazy for her proposal. But Celestia has assured me she had it canceled out.

Augusta: Yeah, that's another thing. Celestia mostly did that, because those two have a bad falling out nowadays. They used to be the best of besties.

Twilight: Celestia, used to be friends with that angry cat lady?

Augusta: She wasn't always an "Angry Cat Lady". She used to be better then that. (A scream is heard) What was that?! (The four look out the window and see Kasey being chased by a male Tarkatan and a female Shokan) Oh, no, the KILs!

Spike: Who?

Gary: Gamma Iota Kappa! The most ruthless fraternity in all of Mag-U, and Madame Sphynx's alma mater! The fiercest students come from Outworld in the video game universe!

Spike: I've heard of Outworld. It's usually a dark and violent place. Why would Celestia allow guys like them here?

Gary: Well, people had asked her to limit this school to creatures native to Equestria, but ya know Celly and her well intentions.

Twilight: Wait a minute! That's Kasey! I have to help her! (Teleports out)

Augusta: Wait, what?!

Spike: Oh boy. This is gonna get messy.

(Outside the dorm, Twilight appeared and saw Kasey ran by! Twilight saw the Tarkatan and Shokan running forth, as Twilight Conjured a brick wall as the two stupidly crashed into it)

Tarkatan: OOFFF!

Shokan: Ohh! (The two fell down comedically)

Twilight: (Teleports on top of the brick wall) LET THAT BE A LESSON TO NEVER HURT ANYONE THAT HAS BEEN KIND TO ME, GOT THAT?!

Tarkatan: Man, that pony almost broke my blades!

Shokan: That's okay, Hank. We'll let her off with a warning.

Kasey: (She saw what Twilight did) Twilight, don't let them hurt me, please!

Shokan: All right, I'll break down that wall count the minimum number of bricks that fall on you, how's that?

Augusta: (Flies down) Hey, Sheel! You know Mortal Kombat is forbidden on campus!

Shokan (Sheel): Who says we're gonna kill her after we beat her up?

Tarkatan (Hank): Yeah.

???: Sheel, Hankmi! Stand down. I want to talk to this bold new meat. (A large figure landed down, revealing to be a member of Ridley's race from Metriod's race)

Ridley Alien: You must be the new pet project of Celestia I heard so much about.

Twilight: And, you are?

Ridley Alien: Scott Xeno. President of Gamma Iota Kappa. And I noticed you were quick to protect that orc.

Twilight: She did NOTHING to you guys.

Scott Xeno: Actually, from what I heard, Hank here was planning to propose to Sheel... (The two blushed at each other) then your orc friend showed up and blabbed some shit about Outworlders always wanting to kill each other instead of falling in love, and that got them mad.

Kasey: I SAID NOTHING LIKE THAT! THOSE TWO JUMPED AT ME WHEN I WAS MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS!

Scott Xeno: Okay okay, you got us! They actually wanted to just give the freshman the Ol' Mag-U welcome committee. (Shows that a lot of freshmen were being hanged by the underwear by the flag pole).

Twilight: THAT'S NOT A WELCOMING COMMITTEE, THAT'S TORTURE!

Scott Xeno: Hey now, take it easy, it's nothing personal... It's just funny that we gave them QUITE a start of a long year in this place! Though with you, we're willing to make an exception, albeit because even WE don't wanna be on Celly-Lightus' bad side. Of course, we'll also be willing to leave the Orc Girl alone if you're so close to her.

Twilight: Well, good! Now leave before I get Celestia into this!

Scott Xeno: Ohhh, demanding! I respect that. Almost a shame you're with Celestia's program. We could use someone with that tenacity. (Flew off as Hankmi and Sheel followed) Have a nice first year!

Twilight: (Snorts) Guess Valerie isn't the only riff-raff here.

Kasey: Who's Valerie?

???: She's a friend. (A younger Mihael flies in and lands in front of Twilight)

Augusta: Mihael.

Mihael: She's a good girl once you get to know her.

Twilight: You call someone who sits on my faithful assistant, who's like a BROTHER to me, and talks disrespectfully to Celestia so casually, "A Good Girl"?"

Mihael: Hey, I didn't say she was perfect. I'm just saying that you two may have gotten off the wrong foot, or hoof, I guess. Also, you were lucky that Scott was in a good enough mood to let you humiliate his team members like that. You could've been given the "Welcome Commitee" Treatment as well.

Twilight: Why didn't the Wiz-Prefects stop those guys?

Mihael: Scott's gang were smart enough to recognize when the Wiz-Prefects go on union breaks.

Twilight: Union Breaks?

Mihael: Hey, monitoring a school like this is tough business.

Twilight: We're getting off track. Just what do you see in Valerie that I somehow don't? She blatantly disrespected a member of the school staff.

Mihael: Trust me, Sphynx isn't exactly worthy of anyone's respect these days. Her little speech proved that. She treats friendship like something that requires a master's degree in something. That old bitch misses the point of friendship entirely.

Twilight: Well, Augusta said that Celestia used to be friends with her.

Mihael: Emphasis on "used to". Sphynx went into an dark place, Sparks. You're better off avoiding that angry cat lady. Oh, and be careful of Helena too. She's a nice girl, but she got dragged into being that witch's plaything due to things out of her hands. Just remember, that Celestia saw you first, and that Sphynx has no right to own you. Oh, and uh, if you can, try to give Valerie another chance, huh? She may be rough around the edges, but she's actually cool if you can get past the no-nonsense attitude. Ciao. (Flew off)

Kasey: I, feel like I am missing something here.

Twilight: (The bell rings) Well, in any case, we'd better get to our first class. (Twilight and Augusta leave, but unknown to them, Amy and Valerie were watching them)

Amy: The prefects may have been on union breaks, but that Twilight handled the Gammas better than we could.

Valerie: Yeah... she did, didn't she? (Smiles)

Amy: I know that look. What are you up to?

Valerie: I'm just thinking, I should convince Mihael to give the newbie a proper welcoming committee. (Notices Amy's serious look) Whoa, chill, I'm not talking like Gamma style. You'll see what I mean.

(At Celestia's Magic Program Main Building)

(An overweight centaur teacher enters the classroom and most of the students are roughhousing)

Centaur: Settle down, class. My name is Professor Ignatius Proudbottom.(The students except Twilight broke into laughter)

Professor Proudbottom: (Sighs) I always walk into that. (Clears his throat) Well, I think you'll find that the lessons I teach aren't nearly as funny, by which I mean NOT funny at all. (Waits until the laughter dies down) Now, who can tell me the fundamentals of a good fire elemental spell?

Dumb Troll Student: "Duhhhhh, you eat some beans, and light a match on yer farts?"

Professor Proudbottom: We're talking about magic, Mr. Dunderheadson, not lighting flatulence on fire.

Twilight: (Raises her hoof) Fire magic is often based on either fiery passion or fiery rage.

Professor Proudbottom: Ah, yes, you see? Celestia's latest top student gets it. Care to demonstrate, Miss Sparkle?

Twilight: I would need a vollenteer for that.

Professor Proudbottom: Very well. I'll ask for one of the student assistants then. (Two Goblin Assistants showed up) One will be romantically complimentary, while the other will consistently insult you or what you cared for."

Goblin 2: Oh, I'm gonna enjoy this! (Pushes the nicer Goblin aside) Hey, bookworm! You think you're lucky you got with Celly-Belly? Well, joke's on you! She's the worst princess! (Twilight started to get a bit angry) Also, her butt is HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE! (Twilight started to rage) That's why my favorite name for her is PRINCESS SUNBUTT! (Twilight raged out in the same way as *Feeling Pinkie Keen* as her mane bursted into flames, scaring the insulter goblin and surprising students)

Professor Proudbottom: What an astonishing display! Oh, but be careful not to accsidently trigger the sprinkler system- (That happens as Twilight got covered in water as the flame was doused) Hmm... Mental note, be sure to take these type of teachings OUTDOORS from here on out. (Laughter is heard as Twilight sees Valerie standing in the doorway)

Valerie: Sorry, sorry. I just noticed the perfect timing with the Sprinklers and the fire and I just couldn't keep it in.

Professor Proudbottom: You're late, Miss Farmer. I see the disciplinarian has arranged for you to take part in this class again.

Valerie: Yeah, my pop can be a real stick in the mud when it comes to Celestia. And if I fail that final exam, I can always take a different class.

Professor Proudbottom: "Whisper has stated that is no longer the case because of Celestia's lack of approval for that final exam."

Valerie: "Huh, figures. Celly probably didn't want the Wicked Cat Bitch of the West to get her claws on Sparky here because of some bad circumstances if she suddenly failed at something. Don't see why she would bust Sphynx's cheap shots otherwise."

Twilight: (to Professor Proudbottom) I'm sorry, sir, should I keep going?

Valerie: (Pushes Twilight aside) Step aside, Twinkie Sprinkles. You handled the fiery rage part, but a pro will show you how the fiery passion part is done.

Goblin 1: Uh, I'm straight, sir.

Valerie: "Dude, I'm a lady."

Goblin 1: "But, you're a Minotaur. Aren't they all male?"

Valerie: "Sounds like someone didn't look up their history on Starswirl. He fixed that problem AGES ago. Now don't be shy and try to flirt, eh shorty?"

Goblin 1: Uh... well, you certainly have a... nice build.

Valerie: Oh, you're too much! (Waves her hand toward the goblin, and a small explosion sets him on fire)

Goblin 1: AHHHHHHHH! FIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRE! (Runs around crazily)

Valerie: Whoops! Don't know my own strength when it comes to fire magic.

Twilight: Well, at least my rage fire didn't ended up burning the goblin assistent I was given.

Valerie: I know, right? Irony, thy name was that moment! Hey, you want me to extinguish that flame, Professor Happy-butt? (The students except Twilight start laughing again)

Professor Proudbottom: It's Proudbottom. And I'm sure Miss Twilight has it covered. (Twilight used a water spell to douse the flames)

Goblin 1: Ahhh... MUCH better!

Valerie: Well hey, props for being quick on your hooves, Sparky.

Twilight: Please prefer to me by my ACTUAL name.

Valerie: Yeesh, not much for nicknames, huh?

(Flash forward one week before Nightmare Night...)

Augusta: Come on, Twilight! It's the annual fraternity AND sorority party! I know your studies with Celestia are important, but even I had to take a break once in a while!

Twilight: "Can't talk, studying."

Spike: "Sorry, Twilight's a bit of a study addict. Learning is pretty much her bread and butter."

Augusta: "Yowza, does she have to be such a fuddy duddy?"

Spike: "Then clearly you haven't gotten to know Twilight all that much."

Gary: This could be your only chance to get in with the cool kids, Twilight! I'm sure they'd love to be friends with a student of Celestia!

Twilight: "Tch, popularity. What a pointless trivial pursuit. Status is a vain and fickle and thing, because all it takes is ONE mistep and suddenly people don't care about you anymore. It's better to worry more about doing good for Equestria then try to earn something as petty as trying to appease the masses."

Gary: (Pauses) Yikes. She doesn't get out much, does she?

Spike: Twilight isn't really, a people person.

(Rainbow Dash): (Coyfully sarcasticly) Twilight was anti-social? Ya don't say!

(Valerie): Pfff, it was obvious to you gals too?

(Applejack): The moment we met her.

(Pinkie): And all it took was a step in the right direction to be her friends. Course, having to stop Nightmare Moon was sort've the push needed to do that, ironically.

(Valerie): Yep. Whatever you did to get her out of her cave, our first step was a little different.

Gary: Oh well, your loss. But YOU'RE coming, right, Spike?

Spike: "Well, ya know how it works with being an assistant, Gary. I kinda have to be with Twilight to see if she needs anything."

Gary: ".... Oh, right. Forgot about that. Look, I'll, be sure you score some extra candy and gems for ya, kay bud?"

Spike: "Thanks Gary." (Augusta and Gary fly out the window, and after a few seconds, a scratching sound is heard at the door)

Twilight: Can you get that, Spike?

Spike: Sure thing, Twilight. (Opens the door and sees a dog head) Aww, how cute. (The dog barges into the room, barking with its three heads) WHAT THE--?!

Kasey: (Barges in) Boys! (The three-headed dog hides under Twilight's bed as Mihael enters the scene)

Mihael: Sorry for bargin' in. You must be the iguana Valerie accidentally sat on.

Spike: Who are you calling "iguana"? I'm a dragon!

Mihael: Though obviously you hadn't molted your wings yet.

Spike: "Molted"? Like with Augusta and her feathers always ending up in my bed?

Mihael: (Pause) You'll understand when you're older. (Quietly) George, Jack, Peter, come here, boys.

Spike: (Quietly) Who the heck are George, Jack, and Peter?

Mihael: (Quietly) Augusta's pet Cerberus.

Kasey: (Quietly) TOTALLY not to be confused with the guardian of Tartarus.

Spike: (Quietly) Why is it here?

Mihael: (Quietly) We had to smuggle him in, keep him out of sight from the Wiz-Prefects. The Alphas need a mascot.

Spike: (Quietly) Alphas?

Mihael: (Quietly) Alpha Nu Kappa. Used to be THE top fraternity in the school before unfortunate circumstances caused it to be condemned. You know, the so-called "curse".

Spike: (Quietly) Okay, but we can't disturb Twilight. She's studying. (Pause)

Mihael: (Quietly) All right, Kasey will lift the bed, you grab the dog. 1, 2, 3, GO!

Spike: WAIT, I DID NOT AGREE TO-- WAHH! (Mihael shoves Spike under the bed and thrashing is heard)

Mihael: Careful, one of the heads is a biter! Or are ALL of them biters? I can never remember.

Spike: (A biting sound is heard) NOPE, JUST ONE BITER!

Twilight's voice: "Spike, what is going on down there?"

Spike: Uh, nothing, Twilight!

Mihael: (Quietly) Okay, maybe this wasn't such a good idea, we should've just gone into the Alpha fraternity house, nobody goes there anyway! (The Cerberus puppy runs out from under the bed and goes up)

Twilight's Voice: Huh?! Hey, what-- hey, get off of me! AHH! It's got my study notes! Hey, hey, drop it! Drop it! DROP IT! Hey, get back here! Spike!

Spike; Oh, man!

(The four follow the Cerberus puppy outside across the campus)

Mihael: They're heading towards Frat Row!

Spike: "What's Frat Row?"

Twilight: "WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON HERE?!"

Spike: "Ask wing boy and Kasey, they're the ones that brought him here!"

Twilight: "WHAT?!"

Kasey: I'll explain later! (They run through a neighborhood of Frat houses until the Cerberus puppy spots Augusta and barks and runs up to her)

Augusta: (Gasps) GEORGIE, JACKY, PETEY! COME HERE! (Picks the Cerberus puppy up and all three heads lick her face)

Gary: Wait, I thought Mag-U didn't allow pets. (The group show up) Hey, you guys decided to show up after all!

Twilight: That's because your dog nearly ate my study notes!

Spike: After it bit my leg and farted in my face!

???: Hey, it's that Twilight Sparkle kid! (Various students surround Twilight)

Unicorn student: Equestria represent! You're definitely Eta Delta material!

Female Dragon Student: Yeah, right! Did you hear how she dealt with those Gammas? She's an Omicron Zeta gal!

Scott Xeno: "(Shoves other students) Now now, people, I want to insist that we Gammas saw her first. Anyone ballsy enough to break Sphynx's strict no pets rule is beyond assured Gamma Material. (Quietly) Also, I'll vouch you ya and say it was just the Orc and the Wing-Freak that brought the mutt here."

Twilight: "I HAD NOTHING TO DO THIS! I was dragged into this by Kasey and Mitchal."

Mihael: "Mihael."

Twilight: "I'm an innocent bystander!"

Troll: "Well ain't we modest!? Let's give a big cheer for Sparkle the rule breaker!"

Twilight: "I'M NOT A RULE BREAKER!"

???: ENOUGH! (Celestia appears)

Celestia: Twilight Sparkle is not a rule breaker! Let me assure all of you, there's a good explanation why there is a Cerberus puppy here. I received a letter that prior to coming here, Augusta had received the puppy as a coming home gift the previous year. Her father wrote to me saying that the puppy was getting rather lonely, and so I have made an exception to this rule, and seeing as how Alpha Nu Kappa plan to rise from the ashes in time for the Spell Games, they shall become the fraternity's new mascot. (The crowd of students oohed)

Female dragon student: The cursed frat team's making a comeback?

Unicorn student: They never make it to the Games after Hearth's Warming! OR Christmas!

Kytinn student: This changes everything!

Spike: "Whew! Lucky break. For a moment, I thought we were gonna get punished for something we didn't do."

???: Yeah! If anything, Twilight belongs with Celestia's fraternity! (Valerie steps into the crowd)

Twilight: NOW we're in trouble.

Valerie: Perfect timing, Mihael.

Mihael: I try. (The two kiss)

Spike: HOLY SMOKE!

Twilight: "I did not expected that."

???: MAY I ASK WHAT THIS FUSS IS ALL ABOUT?! (Principal Wisper was brought in by Headason)

Celestia: Ah, yes, my student has been caught in a near-misunderstanding about Augusta's pet.

Principal Whisper: Oh, if it's a misunderstanding, that's fine, but still! I want to be able to discuss this matter with all parties involved, My Princess. I want to know every detail of this.

Spike: Really spoke too soon here.

(In Whisper's office)

Kasey: "And that's the whole story, sir."

Principal Whisper: (Sighs) You know, Princess Celestia's prized student deserves better than being dragged into a harebrained scheme like that! I'm sorry Sparkle, but I'm afraid your current dormitory is ill-suited for you due to that building's controversy about a puppy smuggling!

Spike: Well, at least it's not a punishment transfer.

Principal Whisper: Of course not, Celestia made it clear that you two got dragged into this unwillingly. There is, one issue though... I regret to admit that... We don't know where else to place you since you have nowhere else to stay, Miss Sparkle.

Twilight: What do you mean, I have nowhere else to stay?!

Principal Whisper: "Magic University is a rather packed facility this time around. There are so many students and we were lucky to fit them all perfectly. So, we'll have to put you up for frat house adoption and offer you to willing houses."

Spike: "Adoption? But Twilight has parents!"

Principal Whisper: A different kind of adoption, Master Spike. It's sort of like... An Auction, only without money. You will be adopted by the frat house that has the most promise to be well suited for you by demonstrating their accomplishments at full display.

Twilight: "(Gets a bit offended) ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TREATING ME LIKE A PRIZE TO BE WON?! WHAT KIND OF ZEALOT OF CELESTIA ARE YOU?!"

Principal Whisper: "Please don't misunderstand, Miss Sparkle, it's only Magic University tradition."

???: Perhaps I can be of assistance? (Sphynx enters the office)

Principal Whisper: Madame Sphynx. You're not here to pull another "Final Exam" stunt, are you?

Madame Sphynx: No, I wouldn't dare. Twilight Sparkle can stay in Celestia's program if she wishes...

Twilight: And I do!

Madame Sphynx: Yes. But I wish to assist in her studies. I know Celestia better than anyone, as evidenced by the portrait I kept in the Magic Program main building. She will be... "learning from the master", as it were.

Principal Whisper: "That's the issue, Sphynx. Celestia has asked me to remind you that you are to keep your respectable distance from Sparkle. (Twilight remembers that Sphynx was once a friend of Celestia and sees this as an opportunity to rekindle a friendship) So I humbly ask if you-"

Twilight: "Principal Whisper, please hear Miss Sphynx out."

Principal Whisper: "WHAT?! Are you sure, Sparkle? I must give a friendly warning that Madame Sphynx is, not exactly a beloved member of the faculty here. Valerie's fiasco with the ceremony is a stark reminder."

Twilight: "Well, I understand she was once a good friend with Celestia. So, I want to be able to help mend that strain."

Principal Whisper: "Miss Sparkle, you're a good pony for that, but Celestia's relation with Sphynx is her private matter, she would prefer it if you don't get involved and risk being caught between two mentors!"

Madame Sphynx: William, Miss Twilight is taking a bold risk in the name of friendship, and we are to honor her for it. My teaching methods aren't the most direct, so I won't get in Celestia's way. And if she wishes to swim in dangerous waters, who are we to deny her?

Principal Whisper: (Sighs) Fine. But remember Sparkle. This is mostly your own choice. I can't necessarily promise you're ready for a friendship issue of this high Caliber yet.

Twilight: I'll do my best. And if I can't solve the friendship problem between Sphynx and Celestia, I'll except whatever punishment you give me. Even if it means... expulsion. (Everyone else, except Whisper and Sphynx gasp at that)

(Rainbow): Well, THAT suddenly got intense real quick.

(Valerie): "Oh yeah, Sparkle desided to engage a seriously ambitious project of trying to mend things between Celly and Angry Cat Witch."

(Rarity): "Well I'm sure her heart was in the right place."

(Valerie): "But clearly her brain took a vacation that time, because Whisper had insisted that it was Celestia's private biz. Espeically since Sphynxy had her own gameplan in mind."

(Outside Sphynx's main building)

Madame Sphynx: Now Twilight, I've heard about that puppy-smuggling, and I'm willing to make an exception to my no-pets rule. Even to the distain to my, disfondness for dogs. But we're not here to talk about that, now are we?

Twilight: Yes, well... what do I have to do?

Madame Sphynx: Oh, I don't ask for much. Just one simple thing... (They enter the building and she leads Twilight to a desk with a legal document on it)

Twilight: What's this?

Madame Sphynx: That's your contract. You see, Sparkle... (Leaps up into the air flying up, grabbing a pen, and backwords flip back down into the desk to present the pen) I don't tend to offer my aide, charitably.

Twilight: I... was sure this was a non-profit school.

Madame Sphynx: Not in the way of money, goodness me no. I ask for more in the terms of... Loyalty."

Twilight: "Uh... Look, is this about your rivalry with Celestia?"

Madame Sphynx: Credit where it's due, you're certainly far from being an idiot.

Twilight: Well, I just want you to understand that I only accepted this offer to try and mend things between you and Celestia. (Gets up and starts to leave) Now if you can just come with me, we can figure something out and-" (Madame Sphynx jumped from her desk, triple flipped and landed in front of Twilight to cut off her escape) You're... surprisingly agile for an alchemy teacher.

Madame Sphynx: "I took an athletics potion that prevents my old age from slowing me down."

Twilight: "But you don't look a day over--"

Madame Sphynx: A thousand? Thank you, my dear, I owe that to eternal youth and being immortal like Celestia. But I can still be bothered by the other effects of being old. Now, try to hear me out, would you dear? (Places Twilight back into the chair) Originally, I wanted to talk to Celestia about hosting a final exam, and transfer you into my program in case you failed. But thanks to your willingness to help me rekindle my friendship with Celestia, I decided to make a revised version. Basically, this contract states that your scholarship will be secretly shared between me and Celestia, and I will not make you do anything you'll regret.

Twilight: Forgive my caution, but, you seem awfully quick to be okay with my reason.

Madame Sphynx: Well this school does exist to teach other races friendship, does it not?

Twilight: Well... okay.

Madame Sphynx: And remember, if I hear one complaint out of you, I'll report you straight to Whisper. Got it?

Twilight: Yes, ma'am. (Starts reading the contract as Helena looks from the doorway in regret)

Helena: "(Sighs), (Quietly) Poor kid has no idea what she's getting into."

Madame Sphynx; Are you done yet?

Twilight: Actually, Ma'am, this is all seem legit, but there's one part that concerns me. Paragraph 5, Section 3, subsection a: "The student enrolling in Madame Sphynx's program have the option to submit any amount of payment the Madame sees fit"?

Madame Sphynx: Ah, yes, the payment. Fortunately, you won't have to pay money. The fee varies depending on the student enrolling. For example, one male student was unlucky with women and was brought to me for advice. So for his end-of-the-year examination, I had him fix up a love potion and told him to drink it.

Twilight: And what happened?

Madame Sphynx: "To be honest, it ended up turning out the girl he was into, wasn't meant to be his soul mate. Because I said the potion would effect him when at the presence of a true lover. Turns out his dream girl already had her heart set on another."

Twilight: "Well what happened to the potion drinker?"

Madame Sphynx: "The potion made him fall in love with a Wart Troll girl that always had her eye on him. Fair's fair, he got his wish just the same."

Twilight: "(Unsure now) But, not, exactly what he wanted."

Madame Sphynx: Well, don't worry. For the most part, students get the better end of the stick. For example, a female Pegasus student was uncomfortable with her body. Understandably so, with her being rather overweight. When she signed her contract, I partially disabled her ability to fly until she could find someone to love her as she was. Now she's a happily married plus-sized model in Manehattan with three adorable children, and her wings are as strong as ever.

Twilight: Wow... but what will I have to pay you?

Madame Sphynx: Oh, I won't be asking for much. I've been watching you, and I see lots of promise. What I want from you is... your future. (Twilight, after a long pause, bursts out laughing)

(Rainbow Dash): (The other Mane 6 burst out laughing in the present) SERIOUSLY?! That old crone-- HA! She actually wanted-- HA-HA-HER to pay for the lessons with-- HAHAHAHAHAHA! With her f-- HAHAHAHAHAHA! I CAN'T EVEN SAY IT!

Madame Sphynx: (Deadpan) May I ask what's so amusing?

Twilight: (Laughs) You're... you're... you're asking for a chronological impossibility!

Madame Sphynx: Impossibility?

Twilight: I mean, you seriously want me to pay for being the shared protege of you AND Princess Celestia with my FUTURE?! That's not scientifically possible! This contract is not scientifically possible! (Laughs)

Madame Sphynx: But it is magically possible! (Roars Twilight into submission) Besides, would you do anything for your Princess?

Twilight: Well, yes, but you're suggesting a violation of time and space. Time Lords are not typically fans of that.

Madame Sphynx: Yes, well, read subsection b again.

Twilight: "However, if the student is not fully satisfied with the Madame's scholarship, they must verbally express their desire for a full refund and will be removed from the Madame's program." So if along the way, I'm not fully satisfied with this agreement, you can just give me my future back?

Madame Sphynx: It would depend on how you do, yes.

Twilight: Hmm... very well. (Levitates the pen and signs the contract)

Madame Sphynx: Good. Now let's see. (Summons a crystal ball and cycles through the timeline of the MLP series, briefly slowing down at the part where the Mane 6 are at the bar) Ah, what a glorious future. (The crystal ball merges with the contract and the words glow, with the signature glowing brighter) And that future belongs to me now. At the end of the semester, you are to be expected for fraternity adoption. I shall telepathically inform you if I have any tests for you. You're excused. (Twilight starts to leave) Oh, yes, and one more thing. Alpha Nu Kappa has a habit of housing Celestia's most impressive prospects. I would most highly recommend them.

Twilight: Thank you, Ma'am. (Leaves)

Augusta: (Appears from out of the shadows) Are you sure about this? What about that curse you put on their frat house? I'm an Alpha now, too, you know.

Sphynx: Celestia seems as faithful to Twilight as it is the other way around. I'm confident she'll find a way to bypass my little enchantment and try to stay in the Spell Games in order to win them. Besides, I made Helena join the Gammas because of Celestia's... outburst at my little... stunt. If you're an Alpha, you'll be able to keep an eye on her while I continue my plans. Besides, you know how to impress Twilight.

Augusta: For our sakes, I hope you're right. (Flaps her wings and teleports out of the room)

(Back in the present...)

Rainbow: (The other Mane 6 stare shocked with their jaws dropped) What... the... FUCK?!

Valerie: "I know, that was always the freaky part."

Rarity: But what happened next?!

Rainbow: And what about the Spell Games?!

Pinkie: And why isn't Gusty friends with Twilight anymore?!

Shanice: Are y'all sure you have time to hear all that?

Mihael: Yeah, don't you guys have jobs now or something?

Applejack: All that'll have to wait!

Fluttershy: Are you sure? Because I have to get up early to--

Pinkie: Please, please, PLEEEEEEZ finish the story!

Valerie: "Tch, if that's not dedicated investment, I don't know WHAT is."

### Chapter 3: Twilight the Alpha

(Valerie): It was the end of the semester, and Sphynxy was getting ready for the auction.

Madame Sphynx: (She's in her building with Augusta, Helena, and Gary) I suppose you're wondering why I called you three tonight. it's because the frat house adoption auction is about to take place. And all I have to say is... so far, so good. Twilight has never let anyone onto our little secret. Even Celestia doesn't... (Catches a glimpse of magical hologram human arms on Augusta and looks at her) What... are... those?

Augusta: Aren't they great? Mihael gave them to me with his magic. I only have to do light weight training every late afternoon.

Madame Sphynx: We have until the end of the year to dispose of that HORSE Celestia... or the army that I require to battle against Nightmare Moon, a battle which will happen in ten years time, will collapse, causing the plan that I've been setting up for nine hundred years to go up in smoke... and you acquired... those arms... without... MY ASSISTANCE?!

Augusta: Well, it's just that, when I told the other Alphas about my plight, Mihael told me that actual arms would look unnatural and weird to a Harpy and I would end up looking like a female birdman, so he gave me magical hologram human arms that function like the real thing. He says it might help me practice thinking like a harpy. Isn't that neat?

Madame Sphynx: (Pause) ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!

Augusta: "Hey now, I know you're being concerned about your imaginary Nightmare Moon myth problems, but-"

Madame Sphynx: It is NOT a myth, and I AM CERTAINLY NOT IMAGINING IT! (A munching noise is heard, and Gary is seen munching on hay chips from the cafeteria)

Gary: (Nervously laughs) Hungry?

Madame Sphynx: If I had a fiery temper, I'd explode right now. Point is, I AM NOT IMAGINING IT! (Leaped up into the air and reverse flipped towards a bunch of scrolls, pulled one out and came back to Augusta) As an immortal friend of Celestia, I SAW IT FOR MYSELF!

Augusta: You are surprisingly agile for your age."

Madame Sphynx: "Thank you, I drank an Athetlics potion to prevent age from being an issue in other ways even with eternal youth and immortality. NOW FOCUS! I was there on that fateful night when Luna failed to lower the moon."

Augusta: "Who or what's a Luna?"

Madame Sphynx: Princess Luna, sister of Celestia and princess of the night, commander of the moon.

Augusta: "Ya would think Celestia would've mentioned that-"

Madame Sphynx: "THAT'S BECAUSE SHE'S TRYING TO KEEP IT A SECRET!"

(Flashback)

(Madame Sphynx): The night before, Luna had confided in me that she resented her fellow ponies as they played and frolicked in the daytime her sister had brought, but had seemingly shunned her beautiful night.

Madame Sphynx: "Now, now, Luna dear, it's not that they shun your night. Think of it as maybe they've yet to invent ways to have a reason to stay up during this time. The night is supposed to be a time of sleep, after all."

Luna: Yes, but they've done this tradition for so long, it is like they appreciate the day more than the night... like they love my sister more than me.

Madame Sphynx: Oh come now, Luna--

Luna: And need I even remind you of the Great Universal War, and other battles between Light and Darkness? The side of Light had always won in the end, just like it is now, only in a different sense.

Madame Sphynx: "Luna, I assure you the battles between darkness and light is different from Night and Day. Day and Night is a celestial planetary cycle, while the forces of Light and Darkness are entirely different beasts."

Luna: Please, Alvira, your kind is supposed to be all-knowing. What should I do to stop feeling so miserable about this?

Madame Sphynx: "Just simply trust me when I say that in time, Ponies will introduce ways that'll justify any non-sleeping activities. It is still only the infancy of pony civilization, after all, so their worldview is still rather simplistic."

Luna: (Hung her head low, but then got determined) That... is a problem I mean to rectify. (Flies off)

Madame Sphynx: Luna, wait! What do you mean? (Luna ignores her)..... Ugh, even for being the little one of the sisters, she is so headstrong. I'll have to bring this up to Celestia.

(Madame Sphynx): But when I told her about it, at first she did not believe me.

Celestia: She said WHAT?!

Madame Sphynx: "She said, she wanted to correct the issue of Ponies not appreciating her night. I have little understanding of what she meant by it, but I am worried that she is succumbing to the tainting influence of Void and could be turning villain. We need to-"

Celestia: Void... I hoped this day would never come. I know what I must do to stop her.

Madame Sphynx: "Using the Elements to purify her?"

Celestia: "Well, yes on the elements, but... Let's just say, I don't think it's our destiny to cure Luna."

Madame Sphynx: "What?!"

Celestia: "Alvira, she obviously no longer trusts me, and I doubt she would take your word too seriously after all you offer is comforting words and sweet assurances. I need to put Luna into a position where she'll be held off before a chosen one is found... I... I may need to banish her to the moon."

Madame Sphynx: HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MARBLES?! THAT IS THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOUR PARENTS AND STARSWIRL EXPECTED OF YOU TWO!

Celestia: Luna has become unreasonable. I have to do whatever it takes to protect all of Equestria. (Starts to leave)

Madame Sphynx: Princess Celestia, you get back here this minute! (Celestia ignores her) WHAT IS THIS, IGNORE THE SPHINX WEEK?!

(Helena): "(Giggles), That's kinda funny you said that. Sphinx Week."

(Madame Sphynx): SHUT UP! Now, I had a feeling about how this went down, so I hid myself on the roof of their old castle, and watched silently as Celestia entered her old throne room. Little did she know that Luna was there waiting for her.

???: Not another step. (Luna appeared)

(Madame Sphynx): I was helpless but to watch their sisterhood crumble.

Luna: Did you really expect me to sit idly by while they all basked in your precious light? There can only be one princess in Equestria! And that princess... will be ME! (Smashes a small part of the throne room and a window breaks open to reveal the daylight sky; Luna raises the moon to blot out the sun and she becomes surrounded by dark magic, and eventually emerged as her darker form, Nightmare Moon, and laughs evilly; Nightmare Moon fires a magic beam around the throne room, and fires one at Celestia, who dodges as the sisters faced each other)

Celestia: Luna, I will not fight you! You must lower the moon! It is your duty!

Nightmare Moon: Luna? I am... Nightmare Moon! I have but one royal duty now: to destroy you! (Fires a beam at Celestia, who flies away) And where do you think you're going? (Flies after her as Madame Sphynx watched brokenly at the conflict of the Celestial Sisters; Nightmare Moon fires a beam at Celestia, who screams and falls in defeat as Nightmare Moon cackles evilly)

Celestia: (Slowly gets up) Oh, dear sister. I am sorry, but you have given me no choice but to use these. (Summons the Elements of Harmony from a compartment in the floor, and jusing her magic, they spin around her as she flies up and tearfully enters a beam-lock with Nightmare Moon, who is overpowered)

Nightmare Moon: NOOOOOOO! (She is banished to the moon, forming the spots that formed in the past)

Celestia: (Flies down and lands) Sphynx, I know you're there. Come on down.

Madame Sphynx: (Approaches Celestia) Celestia... what have you done?

Celestia: What I had to.

Madame Sphynx: (Pauses) This is beyond what your parents had wanted.

Celestia: I had no choice. Equestria would've been doomed to Luna's corruption if I hadn't done so. As I said before, it was not my destiny to fix Luna as of now, nor is it yours.

Madame Sphynx: But if we cannot save Luna from herself, WHO WILL?! (Her shouting echoed through the castle)

Celestia: Only time will tell. And now... you will have to excuse me. (Flies up and lowers the moon)

(Madame Sphynx): After that night, I couldn't even speak to her. And so, after a few years, Celestia decided to spread her harmony beyond Equestria and built this school.

(Back to the present (Of the episode))

Madame Sphynx: And then, well... (Looks at a portrait of Madame Sphynx savagely attacking a bold Celestia, with a basilisk coiling around the moon) The rest is history. I since aim to defeat and recapture Nightmare Moon, so I can figure out how to cure her MY WAY!

Helena: "Wait, all this BS is because you want to cure a mad god? I thought this army was to kill her."

Madame Sphynx: WHA-- NO! THIS ARMY IS MERELY FOR SELF-DEFENSE! WHAT KIND OF OBSCENE FOOL DID YOU TAKE ME FOR?!

Helena: I mean, isn't Nightmare Moon evil, and wouldn't a perpetual night would risk a doomsday? I kinda figured this whole craziness was to destroy Nightmare Moon."

Madame Sphynx: "Well, I apologize for the confusion. It's the corruption Luna has I want to be destroyed, not Luna herself."

Helena: "Then why the fuck does everyone hate you?"

Madame Sphynx: "Because my methods have made me... unpopular with people."

Helena: Okay, props for being more of a well intentioned jerk then a complete psycho, but, why try to steal Twilight from Celestia?

Madame Sphynx: Because I lost reason to believe that friendship could stop a mad god. If Luna is to be cured, her corrupted avatar must be defeated and captured, and heavily restrained until a cure can be made.

Helena: "Okay, here's the crazy part I expect. There's still the matter that you're trying to build an army, TO FIGHT A MOON GODDESS?! This was someone that managed a potshot at Celestia, imagine what she would do to university students! She could kill people!"

Madame Sphynx: "A prospect that can't be helped. That's why I need Sparkle. If Celestia thinks she is the one that can best Nightmare Moon, then I need her to stop Nightmare my way!"

Helena: "Well, if all you want is to fix Luna, then why does Celly hate your guts now?!"

Madame Sphynx: Because she didn't liked the idea that Equestria would momentarily put aside that friendship religion thing for even only a certain period until Nightmare Moon is defeated! But don't worry. Once Twilight is accepted into the Alphas, I will turn her to my side, very, very soon.

Gary: Okay, but I just have one question: Your first name is Alvira?

Madame Sphynx: (Unimpressed) Get out of my office... NOW! (The three of them leave)

(Later, at Frat Row...)

Principal Whisper: Which fraternity will step forth to show Twilight Sparkle what you can do?

Scott Xeno: "(Chuckles), Whisper, buddy, I think it's obvious that Sparkle is Gamma material. She was able to become a deciple of a Sun Goddess, AND was ballsy enough to stand up even to two Outworlders. Also, our many years of winning the Spell Games, (Chuckles confidently), Speaks for themselves."

Principal Whisper: It's PRINCIPAL Whisper to you! And you're not the only fraternity on campus, you know!

Valerie: Yeah, and I hope you're ready for a losing streak when we get her on our team!

Twilight: (Arrives on the stage) All right, let's get this over with.

Principal Whisper: "Ahem. We shall do this in reverse order. First up, is Team Theta." (An extremely nerdy group of students came forth.)

Twilight: "Hey, they're in my literature club."

Scott Xeno: "(Quietly) Okay, a bit nerdy, but surely at the least she's a POWERFUL nerd."

Valerie: "(Quietly) Damn, how am I gonna compete with her book club pals!?" (The same literature club worm was seen.)

Worm: "Principal Whisper, we may as well cut this charade short, because Twilight Sparkle is already a member of our literature club. In addition, any risk of moving to a fraternity attending the Spell Games would most likely make membership status complicated due to our lack of interest for sports, as well as the fact that Twilight has clearly shown no interest in the games, so, you can just go ahead and give her to Theta Upsilon Sigma house, it's a forgone conclusion, as you may remember our many scientific and magical accomplishments at Magic Fairs and the Knowledge Expo."

Principal Whisper: "Pretty firm accomplishments. Going once, going twice-"

???: Eta Delta has something to say! (A group of ponies of different kinds and genders walked up)

Female Unicorn Student: Twilight Sparkle, as President of the Eta Delta Fraternity, I, Soft Tread, implore you to join. The majority of unicorns who attend this university were graduates of Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns who were recommended to enroll. But now that you're here, we have a chance to prove ourselves and hopefully get recognition from Princess Celestia herself! What do you say?

Twilight: "Well I-"

Principal Whisper: Well, Miss Sparkle IS a unicorn, but I'm sure she's seen plenty of ponies in her lifetime. But then again, the Etas have high hopes. And Twilight is viable for Eta Delta. Going once... going twice...

???: "THE ZETAS DEFY THIS STATEMENT!" (Wraiths rose from the ground.

Wraith 1: "We of the house of Zeta Epsilon Rho demand the Sparkle Mare be made worthy of our place, for it was Zeta House that quelled the Ghost Zone leakage of 1972. Sparkle is worthy of our ranks."

Principal Whisper: "Well I can't argue with those that halted a Ghost Zone invasion. Going Once-"

???: Twilight, you have to stay with us! (A group of female students run up to her)

Valerie: Hoo, boy. Here comes the lesbos.

Brunette Harpy: The sisters of the Tau Nu Alpha Sorority--

Spike: (Bursts out laughing) Their house is literally called T-N-A!

Brunette harpy; We're always looking for more girls to join us! All you need is some make up, a loose schedule, and a bath!

Male dragon student: Forget it, girls! She might not even be into you!

Brunette harpy: No worries! We got our bisexuals too! They're totally different from the mega-lesbians! (A foursome of girl students sing this)

Principal Whisper: Oh-kay... Unless no one else is too weirded out by this... Tau Nu Alpha going once...

???: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! (A Giant Stage appeared and a bunch of performers appeared on it)

Performer Student 1: "TWILIGHT SPARKLE IS PERFECT FOR A MAGIC ACT IN THE EPSILON ZETA PI FRATERNTIY HOUSE WHERE WE WILL PERFORM FOR THE WORLD! WHY, I CAN ALREADY FORSEE HER NAME UP IN LIGHTS! LIGHTS EIGHT FEET HIGH!"

(Rainbow Dash): (Scoffs) That frat house would have Trixie written all over it.

(Applejack): We don't even know where she is.

Principal Whisper: I don't know. Twilight doesn't seem like the show-off type. But if no one else will object...

???: Excuse me. (A group of overweight to obese students walk up, led by a large blob guy and the troll from the Cooking Club)

Blob Student: I'd like to endorse the Omega Psi Omega fraternity. If Twilight joins us, we can promise her big hearty all you can eat meals every day. Before you object, our resident genius says nutrition is good for a developing brain. (Twilight is unsure about them)

Spike: (Quietly to Twilight) Can we really afford all-you-can-eat every day?

???: You wanna know what us Betas think?

All other students: NO!

Fat Centauress student: Beta Xi Theta is the most infamous fraternity on campus! If you value your brain, you do NOT want to join them!

???: ENOUGH! (The Alphas, which consist of Mihael, Valerie, Iggy, Shanice, Cody, Joey, Brody, Augusta, Alison, Lapis Lazuli (Forehead Gem), Gary, and Kasey enter the scene)

Twilight: Ugh, here's more trouble.

Valerie: We Alphas may not be ghost fighters, bookworms, flashy Las Pegasus wannabes or even, tch, food enthusiasts...

Cooking Club Troll: That's because you don't know the secret ingredient! (To a stocky female dwarf student) It's love.

Valerie: Nor do we YET have the Gamma's Champion Pedigree, though we are working on that. But we make up for it with our history of being Celestia's finest!

Troll Student: "ONCE her finest!" (Students laughed)

Valerie: Guess I walked right into that one. Ahem. Sure, we may not have had what ol' Celly was looking for, but we got some impressive tricks of our own. Besides, if there's any frat house that comes close to the Gammas in terms of the Spell Games, it's the Alphas!

Small Male Outworlder Student: (Riding a larger female student) That no funny!

Gamma Kytinn Student: This one seems to remember a curse that was placed on the Alpha house years ago.

MK Reptile Race Member: "I spit at the idea of the Alphas having what is CLEARLY Gamma Material."

Valerie: "Hey, maybe NOT do that, acid-breath. Last time you did, it took the Wiz's WEEKS to clean up acid burns."

Scott Xeno: "Valerie, Valerie, Valerie... You're wasting your time. Sparkle clearly hates your guts. And even then, Celestia wouldn't want her brightest new pet project to be slowed down a collection of has-beens and freshmen that had yet been given their, proper greeting. You Alphas had never beaten us, and never will. Also, I doubt Celestia would allow her best student to stay in a cursed house. That's just another failed attempt waiting to happen. And as I recall, failing Celestia, is THE worst feeling. (Twilight was worried about that now) Even if Celestia's the most unrealistically passive goddess of the sun, ya know, in terms of god standerds, letting her down on ANYTHING, is the worst! Why, she once sent this last failure, all the way back to magic kindergarten!" (Twilight imagines it)

(Pinkie): "Is that where Twilight got that idea?!"

(Valerie): "Yeah, don't worry about that, that's just Scott making shit up to try and scare Sparkle to be a Gamma."

Twilight was under severe stress-panic!

Scott Xeno: "So, if there's one thing Gammas are good at, it's NOT being failures, and, we have the champion under our belt... And we're keeping it, by the way. (Mimics a mic drop) Boom."

Small Male Student: "That make more sense if you had microphone."

Principal Whisper: "Sorry miss Farmer, but Scott made a convincing argument. I only wish for the best for any personal students of Celestia. Sparkle going to the Gammas, going once, going twice-"

???: I'll vouch for the Alphas! (Amy flies in for the Alphas, surprising the other students)

Valerie: Amy! What are you doing here? What about your duties as Head Wiz-Prefect?

Amy: Eh, no worries. I quit. (This surprised the students even more) And besides, doesn't this auction include showing off their magic skills, which count as accomplishments in this school?

Principal Wisper: "That usually comes if we have a tie between frats, but the Gammas insisted they're the best choices, so-"

Amy: "Hear me out sir. Should we perhaps do the spell part anyway to see if any frat does qualify?"

Scott Xeno: "Ugh, if ya want to prolonged this, fine! (Holds two hands up and closes them togather!) Annnnnnnnd, pause for dramatic effect..... (Lifts both hands and brings out a mini universe the size of a swimming pool and releases it into the sky) BAM! A MINI UNIVERSE, GAMMA SPECIALITY! (The other frats were shocked as they couldn't compete with that)

Principal Whisper: "Well Miss Shimizu, all this interuption did little more then ensure Sparkle's stay into the Gammas. (Twilight was mesmerized by it) Sparkle into the Gamma House going once, going twice-"

Mihael: Say, Scott, that's very cute, but, in case the others forgot to tell you, I used to be Gamma president before I left. (Brings the mini-universe back, makes it bigger, then snaps his fingers and it disappears)

Gary: Wh-where'd it go?

Mihael: Where it belongs. (Focus outside the Multiverse, where the new mini-universe is transported)

Valerie: Booyah! That's my boyfriend!

Scott Xeno: "Duh, duh, duh, (To the other Gammas) WHY DIDN'T YOU IDIOTS TELL ME ABOUT THIS?!"

Tarkatan: "You have never attempted to ask about previous leaders."

Scott Xeno: "WELL WHY'S A GUY LIKE THIS NOT WITH US?!"

MK Reptile Member: "He resigned to be with the bovine girl. Also, some personal biz."

Scott Xeno: (Calms down and regains composure) Principal Whisper, I would like to insist that display Mihael did, didn't count, it was MY mini universe first of all!

Mihael: And I, Mihael Dark, improved on it. And if that's what I can do to an entire universe, just imagine what I can do to you. These other guys aren't as strong as I am, but they're pretty good in their own way. Fellas?

Joey: I'm Joey Frost, and I'm an ice dragon! (Conjures up a whole bunch of snow and ice to form a sculpture of Scott going up against Samus) I call this one "Snow-Douche Who's About to Get What He Deserves!" (The students laugh at Scott)

Scott Xeno: "THAT'S CHARACTER ASSASSINATION, THAT'S WORTHY OF DISQUALIFICATION! Also, Samus is usually RIDLEY'S problem! And we don't like to talk about that yutz."

Principal Whisper: Yes, though I have to admit, it is pretty good.

Cody: (Walks up) I'm Cody Christmas, and this is my magic pipe organ. (Brings out a keyboard carrying case, and it opens to reveal a big pipe organ, then Cody plays a snippet of Ridley's battle theme and Ice-Samus defeats Ice-Scott; the ice sculpture turns to water)

Alison: I am Alison Lazuli Swimmings... (A gem on her belly button glows and she flies out of her barrel) And these are my Gem powers. (She levitates the water over Scott and makes it rain on him as the others laugh at him)

Principal Whisper: A Gem, mating with another being? Incredible, if not slightly inappropriate.

Augusta: I am Augusta Cardinal. (Twirls in the air creating a mini tornado, and pushes it away, while surrounding Scott in a tornado with lightning) I may have been held back, but I'm no slouch when it comes to practical magic. (Imbues her wings with fire magic and uses it on Scott, burning him)

Scott Xeno: (Coughs) Okay, that was pretty good for an airheaded harpy.

Iggy: I'm Ignatius Quigley Proudbottom, Jr., and I'm very proficient with my magic axe. (Throws a hand axe, but the blade stops inches from Scott and summons it back) But everyone calls me Iggy.

Brody; I'm Iggy's bud, Broderick Brainard, but everyone calls me Brody. (Iggy chops his head off and two more grow back) I know what you're thinking. "He's a hydra, what's the big deal?" Watch this. (Uses magic to make the other head disappear)

Principal Whisper: That's one way for a hydra to solve that problem.

Shanice: What's up, y'all? Shanice Brown in the house! I may look like your average out-of-shape centaur mage, but I express my magic most through interpretive dance! (Cody plays a tango as she grabs Scott and dances with him, even in the air and on her hind legs, then drops Scott)

Gary: And I'm Gary Scorchman--

Mihael: Shut up, Gary.

Valerie: I'm Valerie Farmer. Disciplinarian Bailey Farmer is my dad, and my mom was a Grey warden apprentice. And this... is my Wall of FIRE!! (Uses magic to coat her body in fire, giving off a demonic appearance and growls) I may not have found a practical use for this technique, but when I do, it's gonna be both strong and awesome! (Extinguishes her flames) Kasey?

Kasey: Do I have to? It's kind of embarrassing. (Valerie nods) Okay... (Breathes deeply, and magically increases her muscle mass) I'm Kasey Knightley! That's Kasey with a K. And I wish to vouch for all the good orcs out there! (A big potbelly appears on her frame) I'm still working on that.

Principal Whisper: AHEM! (Kasey shrinks down to normal) I think I've seen enough. Any objections?

Everyone except Scott: (They stay silent until they start chanting) ALPHAS! ALPHAS! ALPHAS!

Scott Xeno: What?! Why are you chanting?! They're all like freaks! Stop it!

Principal Whisper: Going once... going twice...

Scott Xeno: B-b-but-but--

Principal Whisper: IT'S DECIDED! Twilight Sparkle and her assistant Spike are officially members of the Alpha Nu Kappa fraternity! (The students cheer)

Scott Xeno: But... she's mine...

Valerie: (Picks Twilight and Spike off the stage) Welcome to the team, Twirly Spackles.

Twilight: I'm ruined.

Valerie: I... take you're still not too into me, right? (Scott Xeno stands there in silence)

Madame Sphynx's place.

Scott Xeno: "I NEED YOU TO REVERSE TIME SO I CAN GET SPARKLE TO JOIN THE GAMMAS!"

Madame Sphynx; I'm afraid I can't help you with that, Mr. Xeno. I've watched over the auction myself, and the students have spoken. I cannot allow the creation of an alternate future that would violate the will of the people, lest I incur the wrath of the Time Lords.

Scott Xeno: "SERIOUSLY?! THE SAME LADY THAT HAS NO PROBLEM PISSING OFF A SUN GODDESS, IS AFRAID OF A BUNCH OF TIME WIZARDS?! I THOUGHT YOU WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SPARKLE IN DIRECT CONTROL SINCE WE GAMMAS LIVE UNDER YOUR SPECIFIC TEACHINGS?!"

Madame Sphynx: "Tch, even if you got what you wanted and Whisper still had deemed you a winner, Celestia would've forced that gutless ball of hot air to have a do-over!"

Scott Xeno: "Ya don't understand-- this kid learned from Celestia herself! She's an actual competent threat! MY CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE IS ON THE LINE, YA ANGRY CAT LADY! (Madame Sphynx grabs his neck) YAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGH!"

Madame Sphynx: "Try to understand that there are more concerning things than the stability of your winning streak, Mr. Xeno. I am trying to prevent an era of perpetual night! That is automatically worse, than you not winning the Spell Games for one extra year!"

Scott Xeno: (Gags) It's just, I got a reputation to uphold as all time champ! I got a legacy to maintain!

Madame Sphynx: Hmm... (Puts Scott Xeno down) Of course, I never have been above a little wager. If the Gammas win this year's Spell Games, I shall arrange for Twilight to switch fraternities.

Scott Xeno: Awesome!

Madame Sphynx: However... (Scott is worried again) the Alphas have had a history of always coming in second place, behind the Gammas. If, by a statistically remote chance, the ALPHAS win the games...

Scott Xeno: "And be assured, it's a DAMN BIG IF!"

Madame Sphynx: Then you will be relieved of your position as President of Gamma Iota Kappa, and you must become an indentured servant to Twilight for a whole year, after which you are not to go anywhere near her.

Scott Xeno: (Pauses, then bursts out laughing) You're on, cat lady! I am going to wipe the floor with those Alphas!

Madame Sphynx: "Overconfidence has been the downfall of even the most powerful of beings, Scott. And you would hardly be an exception if you don't humble yourself."

Scott: Whatever you say. (Leaves as Helena appears from the shadows)

Helena: You know, you REALLY gotta stop telling Fangs to summon us every time you foresee a student’s problem.

Madame Sphynx: Nevertheless, I want you to make sure Mr. Xeno plays fair in these games.

Helena: I can’t make any promises. I mean, those Gammas are real brutes who never listen to what Celestia has to say. She herself said so.

Madame Sphynx: Celestia’s Christmas elf already backed out of the deal I made with him last year. I’ll be damned if Ridley’s retarded cousin cheats his way out of this one.

Helena: Yes, ma’am.

(Applejack): Hooey, that sounded like a tall order there.

(Valerie): Yeah, but after what happened next, BOY, was Scott in for a big surprise! (Laughs)

(Pinkie): You mean you were gonna beat the Gammas in the Spell Games, right?

(Valerie): Yep.

(At the Alpha House)

Spike: (He was once again the pack mule for Twilight's stuff as they approached a decrepit mansion, and he set the baggage down) THIS is a frat house?

Twilight: "Why would Whisper allow this place to be this neglected?"

Spike: (Spike was freaked out by the occational Python Sized Centipedes) Okay, this place has renovation, and pest control issues.

Twilight: "(Sighs) This is the worst day of my life. And all because of that situation with a Cerberus pup! Even when I didn't get detention, I was still given a worse fate! (Sighs) But at least it's relatively more private, which means more ample time to study , especially since Wormy made good on his statement that I would have to be removed from the literature club because of their policy not to get involvement with the games!"

Spike: "So like nerds to avoid sports."

Twilight: "Let's just proceed to find my room, where it's nice, quiet, serene, and peaceful. (They head to the door which is opened by an enthusiastic Valerie)"

Both: AHH!

Valerie: HEY-A THERE, ROOMIES! Well, don't just stand there! Come on in! (Pulls them both in) Mihael will take care of your bags! (Mihael uses magic to take care of Twilight's bags)

Mihael: Your room's on the second floor, and you'll have to share it with Augusta and Gary, just like in the dorms. (Transports the bags there)

Valerie: As vice-president of Alpha Nu Kappa, it is my privilege to welcome you to your new home! (She leads Twilight and Spike to the parlor with the others)

Kasey: Hey, guys!

Iggy: We call this room, the Party Jungle.

Shanice: We haven't thrown a party here yet, so we have to be ready for when we do.

Amy: (Comes in with mugs of hot chocolate) I made hot chocolate!

Spike: So, you guys were Celestia's best?

Alison: Yeah, but like we said, we weren't what Celestia was looking for. We were kicked out for different reasons.

Spike: (Receives his mug) Like?

Alison: Like, I was a great student, but I couldn't leave the water for anything.

Iggy: Brody and I were too disruptive.

Mihael: Celly wasn't too crazy about the Gammas... And still isn't.

Valerie: I tried telling her that I wasn't protege material, but she just wouldn't listen. Even that song we did in the start of the year didn't convince her.

Twilight: "(Snarkly) If it helps, your lack of formal respect was proof enough that you are not fit for Celestia's interests."

Valerie: "I'm... conflicted whether to be complimented or insulted..... Insultament?"

Twilight: "Look, just ensure me that this is going to be a quiet and private place to study, because I have exams and tests to meet."

Gary: "Hey no sweat, this place is as quiet as a church mouse."

Mihael: Yeah, we won't bother you if you don't bother us.

Iggy: We got our own studies outside the house, too.

Valerie: So until the Spell Games come around, we won't disturb your inner Celestia.

Twilight: You'd better not because- Wait, my inner what?

Iggy: "It's a term to describe those that REALLY prioritize studying for, well, anything OTHER than study."

Amy: Just, go on to your studies, enjoy your hot chocolate, and we'll call you when we need you.

Twilight: Thank you. (She and Spike head upstairs)

Mihael: You want me to get the initiation ready?

Valerie: Oh, yeah.

(Later that night...)

Twilight was doing massive amounts of studying as papers stack up as if she was writing an entire novel series.

Spike: "(Yawns as he was heading for bed), Try not to stay up for too long, Twilight. Even you need sleep sometimes."

Twilight: "I won't forget to, Spike. Good night. (Suddenly, everything went dark) What the--

???: Twilight Sparkle? (Amy appears in Twilight's room, holding a candle)

Twilight: Amy?

Amy: Follow me.

Twilight: "I can't, I'm studying. Can't this wait for another- (Gets levitated) Hey!"

Amy: "I think you'll find this isn't an opitional thing. Young Spike, you'll have to join us, too."

Spike: Okay, but not too late.

(In the backyard...)

Spike: (He and Twilight follow Amy along a large pool) I didn't know the Alphas had a pool.

Amy: Yes. It was one of the things untouched by the curse. But that's not why we're here. (At the other end of the pool, Augusta's wings glow as they are imbued with fire magic, revealing the other Alphas in dark robes)

Mihael: State your name and grade.

Twilight: (Confused) Uh, Twilight, Sparkle? And A+?

Mihael: "I meant grade by standards of age classes."

Twilight: "Oh, then, inbetween late High School and Early Colledge."

Spike: "Uh, I'm Spike, and, I'm just the assistant."

Mihael: Sisters and brothers, proceed.

Augusta: Do you two pledge your souls to the fraternal bonds of Alpha Nu Kappa?

Spike: (Iggy's axe zooms by him and Twilight) Whoa!

Iggy: Do you swear to keep the secrets?

Brody: Everything that you learn here...

Shanice: No matter how terrifying.

Twilight: (an enhanced Kasey belly-bumps her from behind) Hey!

Kasey: Do you promise to look out for your fellow student?

Cody: Follow orders without question, unless told otherwise?

Lapis Lazuli (Forehead Gem): (She and Alison emerge from the pool and join the other Alphas) Will you defend Alpha Nu Kappa...

Alison: No matter what the peril?

Joey: Will you stand in the face of insurmountable odds?

Valerie: (Appears in a one-piece swimsuit) And when faced with great evil, will you stand tall and brave the storm?

Twilight: "(Abit un-nerved by the intensity) If I say yes, will you people STOP FREAKING ME AND SPIKE OUT WITH THIS OCCULT HOOSGOW?!"

Spike: "I feel like I'm in the beginning of a really cheesy school horror movie!"

Kasey: Gusty, I told you using a dark surrounding before a fire glow was a stupid thing to do!

Augusta: Don't look at me! It was Valerie's idea!

Valerie: I wanted to create the perfect mood! UGH! Twilight, you're ruining your own initiation!

Twilight: "WELL EXCUSE ME, If this is my first university life! They never did something like this at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns."

Cody: "Leave it to ponies to lead more kinda boring and safe lives."

Brody: Cut us some slack, Twilight. We're new at this fraternity thing.

Mihael: Look, all you have to do is pick an Alpha to fight, and we will pit your best magic with their best magic. You don't have to win; just show us what you've got and your initiation will be complete.

Twilight: "Well WHY didn't we just do that instead and not make us think I got caught in some dark ritual cult?!"

Valerie: "Hey, fair's fair, it did added more drama."

Twilight: "Well, since I am given the choice to challenge a member to a duel, I pick Valerie because I am still miffed about her using Spike as a butt pillow."

Valerie: "Sweet Sunbutt, yer STILL on that?! Got to hand it ya, you can hold a massive grudge!"

Twilight: "Well it was also added to the fact you made me look like an amateur in Proudbottom's class and swayed Whisper away from just giving me to the Gammas."

Valerie: "You should be thanking me. Celly would've dragged your ass out of Scott's claws anyway cause of how the Gammas are tied to Sphynx."

Twilight: Let's just get this over with.

Gary: (Picks Spike up and takes him to the other Alphas) Sorry, little buddy. You gotta come over to the peanut gallery.

Valerie: Hey, fair warning, don't expect me to go easy on you. You saw my little display before, but let's see if you are able to handle... my Wall of FIRE!! (Stomps her hoof, and her Wall of Fire technique kicks in; she growls as she summons fireballs in her hands and her large horns are lined with fire; Twilight quickly summoned an ice wall that sheilded her and stopped the fireballs) Okay, credit where it's due, you are fast on yer hooves.

Twilight: (Comes forth from behind the melting ice wall) What happened to your threat of "Not Going Easy on me"?

Valerie: Is the term "Warm-Up" unfamilier with you? Guess I'll have to bring out... the Dragon's Aura! (Creates a dragon avatar and a dragon mask made of fire) Fire breath! (Launches a beam of fire from her mouth)

Twilight: (Conjured a water tornado that defeats the the fire breath and the avatar) Ya know, fire's an easy element to counteract with ice and water."

Valerie: Good point. Then get ready for something different. (Focuses and small lava spikes rise up from the ground and she launches them at her)

Gary: Are you sure there's no other way?! She's just a freshman! (Twilight dodges the lava spikes and lands to see Valerie looking smug)

Valerie: Psych! (Expels fiery smoke from her mouth, causing a smokescreen; twilight realizes too late as Valerie, in her Wall of Fire form, charges toward her, but it turned out that it was just a magic clone of Twilight as the real one was charging up a surprise psy-beam)

Twilight: "How now, brown cow? (Fires the psy-beam)"

Valerie: Ah, horse crap. (The psy-beam hits her and knocks her into the pool, then she gets out) Okay, I'll admit, I'm more of a specialist in fire magic, but you're not half bad.

Mihael: Not half bad indeed. From this moment on, you will be known among your fellow Alphas as... Icarus.

Male Alphas: HOO-HA, IC-A-RUS!

Mihael: Welcome, Sister Icarus!

Male Alphas: HOO-HA, IC-A-RUS!

Valerie: You really kept me on my toes in that fight, Icarus!

Male Alphas: HOO-HA, IC-A-RUS!

Valerie: Enough with the Icarus already.

Gary: HOO-HA, IC- (The other Alphas look at him) habod Crane.

Mihael: Congratulations, Twilight "Icarus" Sparkle. You are now an Alpha.

Iggy: It means a lot to us that you're here.

Kasey: (Shrinks to her normal size) Can't wait to start learning magic and friendship with you... (Shakes Twilight's hoof) sister.

Amy; You may return to your room.

Valerie: As for the rest of us... LATE NIGHT POOL PARTY! (The other Alphas remove their robes, revealing swimsuits underneath and they jump in the pool)

Twilight: Oy. (Leaves) So much for quiet study time. (Spike follows her)

(back to the present)

Rainbow: And let me guess, Twilight was a stick in the mud for you guys, too?

Valerie: Yep.

Rarity: "Well, in all fairness, all of this DID happen before she met us. So, at least her character was, consistent in the past."

Valerie: Yeah, and that ain't even the half of it. She started loosening up around us during... (Turns solemn) Mag-U's Hearth's Warming Celebration.

Pinkie: Why do I get the feeling Hearth's Warming isn't the happiest time of the year for you like it is for us ponies?

Valerie: It's personal. It's really heavy stuff.

Shanice; It was also around that time that we discovered what the curse of the Alpha House really was.

Fluttershy: What happened?

Mihael: It sent us to the Frozen North of another world... but I'm afraid that's a story for another day.

Pinkie: Oh, so a Twilight, Spike, Taiku and Alice Save the Guardians Redux can't be far behind, right?

Iggy: Who the heck are Taiku and Alice?

Pinkie: "Basically the Spongebob and Friends OC Characters you guys replaced for this redux of Magic University." (a long silence occurs)

Rainbow Dash: "Uh, mind that, it's just, Pinkie being Pinkie."

Valerie: Well, anyway, we managed to get back to Mag-U in time for the Spell Games to kick off.

### Chapter 4: The Spell Games

(The same female dullahan and muscly jock ogre from the first chapter are seen on a podium)

Ogre; What's up, people?! I'm Obediah Green!

Dullahan; And I'm Didi Loomis. Welcome to this year's Magic University Spell Games kick off! (The students cheer) And now, we have a very special guest with us tonight. The co-creator of the Spell Games... Madame Alvira Sphynx! (Madame Sphynx flies onto the stage)

Madame Sphynx: Good afternoon. After my fateful battle with Princess Celestia, I was magically imprisoned within the confines of this school. A few years later, I approach her again. But, instead of a rematch, I had a proposition... to create these games as a friendly competition. Naturally she accepted, and we pitted our respective teams against one another since. But be prepared... to take home the trophy, you must be the most efficient magic users on campus. Good luck, and may the best students win.

Ogre (Obediah): Alright everybody! Since nobody signed up to take the Alphas' place, we're gonna celebrate Hearth's warming Eve by closing down sign-ups, so we'll see you all in the--

Female Student: LOOK! (The students see what looks like a yellow meteor flying by the campus)

Dullahan (Didi): Wow... it's not every day you see a meteor flying by. Why, I don't think even the school's astronomy club has ever seen such a beautiful... uh, it's going kinda fast. (The "meteor" heads for the campus as the students panic; when it lands, the crater is steaming)

???: NAILED IT! (The smoke clears, revealing the Alphas, alive and well)

Mihael: What's up?

Madame Sphynx: Twilight?

Didi: "So, Alphas, care to explain why you guys just arrived from an asteroid in space?"

Twilight: "(Burnt mane and covered in scourge marks) Don't... ask."

Cody: (Slightly more cheerful, but still a goth) Oh, we just came back from another world and saved Christmas from a bitter evil ice wizard that strangely looks a bit like Jafar. (The students are silent)

Obediah: That's gonna be an interesting story to tell therapy!

Helena: "Well that was, random..."

Alison: (Now standing on scaly tail-like legs) Then how about the fact that we bypassed the curse on our house? (The Alpha House is seen back in its proper place)

Didi: You-- you... cured the Alpha house?

Celestia: (Appears) Yes, and I think my friends and I can vouch for them.

Madame Sphynx: Celestia? What friends are you talking ab--

???: HO... HO... HO!!! (The students look around for the source of the voice) So, how did you kiddies enjoy the trip?

Valerie: Oh, yeah, being stuffed into a hardened ball of magic sand and hurtled back to our school at light speed while our home is magically repaired and teleported just as easily? Yeah, we LOVED that! (St. North and the other Guardians appear before the students)

St. North: Oh, good. That was my idea. (The Gammas were flabbergasted by what they saw)

Small Male Outworld Student: "WHAT FUCK IS GO ON?!"

Madame Sphynx: AHEM! May we PLEASE get the ball rolling on continuing with the Spell Games?

Didi: Hey, Alphas, we're closing up sign-ups. Are you still in?

Twilight: (Looks to the other Alphas, who nod back) Yes. Yes, we're still in the Games. (The students, except the Gammas, cheer for them)

St. North: We Guardians cannot stay long, but we will be available for the autographs tomorrow! (The Guardians leave via Bunnymund's hole)

Scott Xeno: "(Gestures his team to huddle up) (Quietly) Team, don't be afraid to play rough against those Alphas. We're gonna need to disable some big players."

MK Reptile Member: (Quietly) I've taken care of that, Scott. I infected the sport drinks with toxins that'll make them sick. (Mihael was approaching the infected sports drink fountain) And witness who is the one that'll be incapacitated. (Scott chuckles quietly)

Mihael: (Gets a cup and pours some of the sports drink in) Well, after a long day, I think I can afford a break. (Drinks the tainted sports drink, then starts to feel funny and Starts gagging; Mihael pukes like this)

Mihael became very sick....

Mihael: (Groggily) I think someone may need to check the refreshments. (Plops to the ground unconsciously)

Obediah: "OHHHHHHH, AND IT LOOKS LIKE MIHAEL IS UNABLE TO PARTICIPATE IN THE GAMES DUE TO MYSTERIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES! That means the Alphas are short one of their best players!"

Valerie: Mihael! (Nurse Wiz-Prefects zoom in and carry Mihael off in a stretcher)

Principal Whisper: Ugh, someone get the tainted fountain out of here! (Some Janitors grabbed the fountain and dragged it away)

Didi: "Sorry Alphas, but you're gonna need a member to stand in for you."

Valerie: BUT WHERE CAN WE FIND SOMEONE TO REPLACE MIHAEL ON SHORT NOTICE?! (Looks at Gary)

Gary: "What?"

Later...

(Gary was made involved in the games)

Gary: "WHAT?!"

Valerie: Look, Scorchman, you may not be anyone's choice to play the part of athlete, but with Mihael out of commission, we got no choice.

Twilight: Besides, you don't have to be good. We'll carry you all the way.

Gary: Somehow that doesn't make me feel better. All you've guys done is treat me like Meg Griffin from that new show Family Guy. Except for Augusta.

Valerie: "And, we're sorry for that. But it's time to worry less about that and focus on the games now. You're our only hope, Gar."

Gary: Aw, thanks, guys.

#### First Event: The Magic Disabling Challenge

(Valerie): Fortunately for us, we had plenty of time to train Gary before the first event two days after Hearts and Hooves.

Amy: Everyone, I received a letter containing details of the first event of the Spell Games.

Valerie: Well, go on, Amy, read it!

Amy: The hint is: "Magic is useful; it helps you get through. But if the magic is disabled, what will you do?"

Twilight: (Looks at the letter) It also says they want us to meet at the Track and Field arena, conveniently located near the Omega House.

Kasey: The Omega House?

Valerie: That's a few blocks away! Let's go!

(At the Track and Field)

Obediah: Welcome to the greatest show in Magic University! THE SPELL GAMES! (The students cheer) Yeah! I love this energy!

Redhead Harpy: (The other teams see the Alphas arrive) Alphas, where have you been?! The whole school’s turned out for your return!

Didi: Let’s hear it for the frats and sororities competing in this year’s games! First up is Equestria’s home team! Please welcome the unicorns representing Team Eta Delta, and their president, Soft Tread.

Obediah: During the sign-ups for the games, the Beta fraternity was forced to be disbanded because… well… (Shows the wooden plank with the Greek symbols for Beta Xi Theta, much to the audience’s disgust) Yeah, I know. Even they could see why they were so infamous. (Throws it away) Lucky for us, this next team is the lesser of the two evils. So join us in welcoming the albeit lovely ladies of Team Tau Nu Alpha, and their team captain, Margot Larson! (The girls of Tau Nu Alpha are shown, led by an obese female giant)

Didi: And now, our veteran champions, please meet the proud students of Team Gamma Iota Kappa, and their captain, Scott Xeno!

Obediah: This next fraternity chose to sign up because they think it’d be a good way to get some exercise. They’ll be lucky to get past the first two challenges, not saying they will, but they’re more than welcome to try. Please welcome Team Omega Psi Omega, and their president, Guy Blobinson!

Didi: These guys may be old school, but they chose to compete to see just how good they really are! Meet Team Omicron Zeta and their mistress, Dorothy Osmond!

Obediah: If these guys can fight off ghosts, they can certainly hold their own in these games. Team Zeta Epsilon Rho and their president, Drake Scaleson!

Didi: They may have the most hardcore party house, but when it comes to competition, they don’t mess around… hopefully. Team Sigma Rho Zeta, and their party queen, Lindsey Douglas!

Obediah: And finally, the frat of the hour! They were once Celestia’s finest, and their house had been cursed, but now they’re making an epic comeback! You know ‘em, you’re gonna love ‘em, Team Alpha Nu Kappa and their new team captain, Twilight Sparkle! (The audience cheers wildly, then the applause dies down) Let’s begin the first event: the first-ever Magic Disability Challenge!

Didi: This is a school of friendship, and magic plays a big part of your scholarship.

Obediah: Magic disabling spells are forbidden on campus, but thanks to the United Universal Relations Team, we discovered a close second. Magical Backup! (Shows footage from the *Fairly OddParents* episode "The Same Game") Trust me when I say you do NOT want to end up like that poor guy.

Didi: And you certainly don’t want that to happen to your friends. (The teams start worrying for each other as some goblins wheel in a cart full of small vials) Madame Sphynx’s alchemy class has taken the liberty of concocting a potion that will replicate the effects of Magical Backup, causing your magic to be disabled on the inside, but your magic power will steadily build up on the inside.

Obediah: You will expand for five minutes. If one of your teammates pops, they will be returned to normal, but it will cost a point for your team.

Didi: And the team with the least points, or has all of their teammates explode, is eliminated from the games.

Gamma Kytinn: This one still doesn't understand how the gym got so badly damaged. (A cutaway shows the gym is closed due to large-scale magical damage)

Hankmi: "Regardless, it really cuts our plan short to misdirect the alphas to a false location."

Scott Xeno: "Worry not, fellas. I had the next best plan ready. I ensured that the alphas are granted something that can NEVER be disabled of magic. A guaranteed loss for them."

Obediah: "First up, Twilight Sparkle has quite a daunting challenge for a first-timer. Due to anonymous requests, Twilight Sparkle would have to disable the magic, of a magic-eater."

Crowds: "Ohhhhhhhh." (A box was pulled in, as it opened up to reveal a large brutish goblin beast that barked and snarled angrily)

Twilight: Okay, this is uh.... Daunting. (Twilight attempted to start the disabling, but with every attempt, it just ends with the spell being gobbled up by the magic-eater)

Obediah: "OHHHHHHH, Sparkle is off to a BAAAAAAAAAAAD Start."

Didi: "Which always has been an Alpha Tradition to start off as well as a busted engine. (Twilight ended up exhausted herself of mana as all she succeeded was feeding the Magic-Eater as it burped; Twilight collapsed in defeat as the crowd groaned) Ohhhhhhh, and Sparkle has exhausted herself sooner than expected!"

Obediah: "And all she succeeded in was making a magic eater very full! (The Magic Eater burps again)"

Cody: This is off to a GREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT start. (The Alphas were given no score for Twilight's failure to disable a Magic Eater)

Scott: "(Pouts pleased and chuckles quietly).... Too, easy."

Didi: But the Alphas are not officially eliminated until the other teams have taken their potions. (The other teams take their magical backup potions) Oh, and one last thing, the inflating effects increase over time.

(Five minutes later...)

Obediah: Let’s tally up the results. Omegas, 1. Oz, 3. TNA, 4. Zetas, 5. Etas, 6. And... Gammas win by 7 points for disabling a Warklock Dragon!

Didi: Oh, shocker! Alpha Nu Kappa has been eliminated.

Twilight: (Mournfully) No… (Sheds a tear like she did in *Return of Harmony*)

Spike: Sorry, Twi.

Augusta: That magic-eater came out of nowhere for us too.

Valerie: Well... Can’t say I’m shocked. It would’ve taken a miracle to-

Obediah: Attention everyone! We have an announcement. Omicron Zeta... Has been disqualified! Next year, maybe they’ll think twice before recruiting a sentient porcupine into their team, who also secretly disabled their Mana Sapping Gorgon-Naga.

Female Dragon student: I still don’t even know why we recruited you!

Male Porcupine student: Neither do I!

Obediah: Which means, Alpha Nu Kappa is back in the games! It's a miracle! (After a pause, the students and Alphas cheer as Twilight cries tears of happiness)

Small Male Student: (Quietly) Darn! That was second backup plan!

Scott: "(Quietly and calmly) Don't worry, just an unexpected fluke. We'll get them out in the next game."

Helena: (Flashes back to her hypnotizing the Omicrons into recruiting the porcupine student, then watching the porcupine distract the Mana-Sapping Gorgon-Naga as it was being disabled of magic, then seeing the porcupine's quills pop some other students) This is going to be harder than I thought. (Looks at Sphynx, who winks at her)

(Pinkie): "WAIT A BUCKING MINUTE! Why did Sphynx prevent the Gammas an easy win over the Alphas there? Wouldn't she benefit from it MORE if the Gammas get their mitts on Twilight?!"

(Valerie): Well, we didn't know it at the time, but in case you forgot, Sphynx had Helena make sure the Gammas weren't gonna cheat the Alphas out of the games so easily. Naturally, we had to come up with a new strategy.

#### Second Event: Broomstick Races

That night...

Valerie: All right, listen up, Alphas! From now on, we gotta keep our eyes open for the other teams. Any one of them could be out to get us eliminated. So that means, we’re gonna need to follow through on that Alpha creed and start looking out for each other!

Alison: Val, what’s this about?

Valerie: That magic-eater was sent here through an anonymous request! We end up on the receiving end of one more stunt like that and we’re goners. So for this to work, I'm gonna need you to forget about the Gammas, and focus on your fellow teammates. From now on, we are of many minds.

Gary: Whoa. You just blew me away.

Valerie: Point is, I tell you what to do, and you figure out how you want to do it, as long as it helps the team. Amy, read the hint.

Amy: Right. Ahem. "Magic is in the air; use it with all your might. And while on the broomstick, you must learn to take flight."

Gary: Huh?

Amy: In the next event, we have to ride broomsticks to the finish line. Since I’m a former Wiz-Prefect, you’ll need my help.

Valerie: Yeah, and if even one of us falls behind, we’re all out. So, remember, follow our instructions as you like.

(At the Wiz-Prefects broomstick training course)

Obediah: Okay, now I know brooms are wiz-prefect territory, but for this event you gotta fly these things in a race, so no wings, no levitation spells, no flying abilities, just the broom. This is the starting line. The magic ring on the other side of the training course is the finish line.

Didi: And whoever comes in last, is out of the game!

Sphynx: (Sees Augusta gripping her broom with her wings) She's using her wings like arms. When did that happen?

Obediah: On your marks...

Valerie: (Sees the Etas having trouble balancing on their brooms) Hey, Etas! You're doing better than the Omegas! They're barely getting off the ground! (The Omegas are too heavy for their brooms)

Obediah: Get set...

Scott: Now, remember, Pork, follow our lead and you can't go wrong.

Pig Orc (Pork): PORK GONNA WIN!

Kasey: Ugh, pig orcs. So uncivilized.

Obediah: GO! (The teams fly off, leaving the too-heavy Omegas in the dust)

Didi: You think we should've given the Omegas bigger, sturdier brooms? (Pork speeded ahead as did Kasey, but a Roswell alien of the Gammas, started to cause Kasey's broom to go nuts and crazy due to a hidden remote control device as Kasey lost control)

Kasey: Whoa, whoa! AHHH! (She was flung off as the broom made horse as Kasey was tossed right up into the air as she crashed right into where the teachers were, bodyslamming them and making her look like a goof!

Obediah: OHHHHHH, Kasey has lost control of her broom and basically gave the teachers an epic bodyslam. (The Gammas reached the other side won as the other racers couldn't keep up) And the Gammas win!

Pork: "PORK WINNER?!"

Scott: No, Pork. Gammas winners.

Valerie: D'OH, WHAT THE FUCK?! (Augusta and Alison get Kasey)

Obediah: Second place, Zeta Epsilon Rho! Third place, Sigma Rho Zeta! Fourth place, TNA! Fifth place, Etas! (The Alphas cross the finish line, carrying Kasey in, as the whistle blows) And that's it! The Omegas have been eliminated, and the Alphas are going on to the next round!

Guy Blobinson: You know, in hindsight, we should've lost some weight BEFORE we entered the games.

Didi: Unfortunately, Kasey might be getting a bit of detention for crashing into the teachers.

Kasey: "WHAT?! WHY?! I lost control of my broom for some, crazy reason!"

Whisper: Be that as it may, you made the staff look like a punchline! For that, you are hereby removed from the Alphas for the remainder of the games, and are to be replaced by an understudy. I would like to present... (A brownie came up) Tiny McTinyson.

Tiny McTinyson: "TOP OF THE MORNING TO YA LADDIES, I'M TINY MCTINYSON!"

Gary: I, am losing confidence again.

Valerie: Don't worry, guys. We can work with this.

MK Reptile Member: (Quietly) I am annoyed of their good fortune that the fat idiots ended up sparing the Alphas of an otherwise perfect removal.

Scott: (Quietly) I'm starting to get an itching feeling these lucky breaks are not just Karma Fairies fucking with us. (Looks at Helena)

Helena: Don't look at me. The Omegas were just too fat for their brooms. Besides, their luck will run out... eventually. (Scott kept suspicious, and did the "I'm Watching you" gesture)

#### Third Event: Healing

(At the Alpha House)

Valerie: So, Tiny... is that your real name?

Tiny: "What the turkey balls ya talking about? This IS my name! Tiny McTinyson! I grew up a potato farmer, in the higher plains of the Brownie Lands!"

Valerie: Okay, okay! Hmm... your Alpha name is "Taters", then.

Tiny: WHAT THE BLODDY HELL ARE YOU--

Valerie: UP-BUP-BUP! So, Taters, what kind of magic do you do?

Tiny: "Oh, that's easy... (Conjures an incredible display for a bit, then summons potatos and potato themed food) PO-TA-TO MAGIC!" (The Alphas are silent)

Valerie: "Oh-kay, fair's fair, ya did say you were from a potato farm... Now, I felt REALLY stupid asking that last question."

Twilight: "HOW THE BUCK IS THAT GONNA HELP US WIN THE GAMES?!"

???: It doesn't. (Amy arrives)

Amy: We may have gotten lucky with the Omegas, but whoever is trying to cheat us out of the games will strike harder in the next event. Ahem. "A friend is in trouble; at worst, they might die. Healing spells or mages will help you get by.” Now does anyone know anything about healing?

Cody: I got an average grade in Sphynx’s alchemy class. This'll be a snap.

(At the event)

Didi: We are at the halfway point of the third event, and things are getting interesting. Team Sigma just gave up on their patient because we “put too much stress on them”. Can we get a replay on that?

(Instant replay)

Lindsey: AHH, forget this shit! We need to get back to the house. This is too much of a super bummer-tosis, man! (The Sigmas left)

Didi: Only three teams left, and the Alphas are up next, then the Gammas, and finally TNA. Will they be able to cure their patient, or will they be eliminated?

Obediah: In real life, if you’re hurt, you’ll need your healer to help you pull through. And in this event, you will need to figure out how to help your patient before the time is up! For their patient, the Alphas have to find a way to cure his pimple-itis, or else that dude will have a giant pimple for a head for the rest of his life. (Cody has mixed up a potion, but a tiny beetle of Gamma association managed to switch out the cure for an accelerator on the Alpha’s tray as it quickly vanished with the true potion. Cody grabs the potion and uses it, then he becomes shocked as the patient's head slowly starts turning into a giant pimple)

Didi: "Oh man, the Alphas are just NOT having a good day."

Valerie: "ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!"

Obediah: "Now would be a good time to go move on to--"

Amy: Wait! (Cody turns to Amy) I’m a healer. Let me handle this.

Skinny Male Dragon Student: Uh, is that even allowed?

Obediah: Uhhhh, hold up, let me check the rule book. (Brings it up and reads it)...... Uh, no, no it's not. Changing members counts as do-over. It's a one-shot only deal.

Amy: "WHAT?! ARE YOU SIMPLETONS SERIOUS?!"

Didi: "Hey don't get mad at us, rules are rules!"

Amy: "YA KNOW WHAT?! FUCK THE RULES?!"

The Wiz-Prefects gasped at that!

Whisper: "...... (ANGERLY) MISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS AMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!"

Amy: "...... Uh-oh."

The utterly betrayed Wiz-Prefects dragged Amy off!

Obediah: ".... Uhhhh, no seriously, now would be a REALLY good time for a half-time."