ANGRY GRANDPA HATES HIS NEW MOTEL

Michael: Today we have reached Bismarck, North Dakota!

Bridget: And Grandpa was being a pain in the ass!

AGP: No I wasn’t!

Michael: I couldn’t film at the airport nor the plane, but dad was being shit, he was throwing temper tantrums, and he even hid a knife in my backpack to try and get us kicked out!

Tina: Not to mention he attempted to crash the plane!

AGP: I did no such thing!

Michael: Whatever! We’re going to be heading out to our new hotel rooms!

Bridget: There are 2 rooms that are connected to one another, and each room holds 4 people.

Michael: Me, Bridget, Dad, and Mom will sleep in one room, and the kids can sleep in the other.

JC: We want to be with pop!

AGP: Well you can’t!

Michael: Lets go to the hotel!

*They reach the hotel*

AGP: Damn, Michael! We got a good hotel!

Tina: Sheraton always has good hotels! This one has a pool, free breakfast, and even a spa!

Bridget: South Carolina is amazing for paying for this hotel!

Michael: We’re not staying here.

AGP: WHAT?!?!

Tina: That’s insane!

Bridget: Where are we staying?

Michael: Over here!

*They reach a poorly managed motel*

AGP: *Laughing* Okay, Michael! Joke’s over!

Tina: Can we go back to Sheraton?

Michael: I’m serious! This is the hotel we’ll be staying!

Bridget: Michael this is a motel!

Michael: Whatever!

*They all go to check in. A shady looking man named Arnold is at the counter*

Arnold: You guys in the South Carolina State Exchange Program?

Michael: Yep! *Hades out papers*

Arnold: *Giving keys* She’s all yours!

AGP: Also, are the rooms clean?

Arnold: I don’t know. Go check for yourselves!

Tina: That doesn’t sound good!

*They enter their rooms*

AGP: OH GOD!!! WHAT IS THAT SMELL?!?!

Michael: Looks more like a murder scene!

JC: The bathrooms look dirty!

Tina: WHAT IS THAT?!?!

*A rat is present*

AGP: OH MY GOD!!!

Michael: AH!!!

Johnny: I got this! *Stomps the rat to death*

Jacob: EW!!!

Michael: Johnny that is nasty!

AGP: I don’t blame him! That rat could’ve have fucking rabies!

Bridget: There is a balcony.

*They go to the balcony*

JC: Look! It’s a pool!

Michael: But there’s no water!

Jacob: How will we swim?

Johnny: We can use the bathtub!

Bridget: No!

AGP: Look at this damn TV! It looks like it was made in the 1970s!

Tina: There’s not even cable! It uses analog!

Bridget: Wasn’t analog killed last year?

AGP: THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!

*AGP storms back in the main check in room to confront Arnold*

AGP: YOU!!! WE NEED A TALK!!!

Arnold: Can’t. I’m watching Wife Swap.

AGP: WELL I’M ABOUT TO SWAP YO ASS AFTER THIS!!! THIS MOTEL IS SHITTY!!! WHY DID SOUTH CAROLINA GAVE US THIS SHITHOLE?!?!

Arnold: Well each state has its own different way of living. So the hotel is a reflection of the lifestyle. North Dakotans live a cheap, simple lifestyle.

AGP: THAT DOESN’T TELL ME SHIT!!! I’M GONNA SUE YOUR ASS!!!

Arnold: You go do that!

*AGP goes back in*

Michael: So how was it?

AGP: He said something about lifestyles and I couldn’t understand it.

Michael: Oh yes! North Dakota has a simple lifestyle, and we will live simply!

AGP: NO!!! THIS IS NOT HOW I WILL SPEND MY 3 WEEKS!!!

Bridget: Well you need to make the best of it.

AGP: NO!!!

*AGP slams the chair*

Michael: You’re gonna have to pay for it!

AGP: I DON’T GIVE A SHIT!!!

JC: Poppa why are you upset?

AGP: *Starts crying* Because I don’t want to live poor...

Tina: We are already poor!

Michael: Look, it’s getting late, and we need to go to sleep so we can be ready to go out. Okay?

AGP: Okay.