Oklahoma City Cattle Swimming Pool Incident

The **Oklahoma City Cattle Swimming Pool Incident** was an incident which occurred at the Oklahoma City State Feraient during which a swimming pool for cattle constructed by Alexanderbiumaxim Smith spontaneously[disputed] caught fire and subsequently ruptured, unleashing a torrent of water which inexplicably rushed in the direction of Jimmy Fjordbank rather than dispersing. The torrent eventually became a muddy blob after dragging across the dirt for hours, and is known to have travelled for at least 400 miles before spontaneously deflecting toward Alaska. Numerous anecdotes from various people have allowed researchers to approximately trace its path over the time between this point and its later appearance on the surface of Mars.

## Beginning

### Background

Alexanderbiumaxim Smith was an Oklahoman farmer and cattle rancher who had successfully gained control of the local strawberry milk market with his expansive ranch of Strawberry Cows. As a result, Smith was one of the wealthiest individuals in the area. As a fundraising effort, in 2002.3, he organized the Oklahoma City State Feraient, pledging to donate all the money from the tickets to charity. One of the many attractions of the Feraient was a large swimming pool designed for cows, containing over 7500 cubic meters of water. Another attraction was a (supposedly unmanned) rocket set to launch at noon of the third day of the feraient (which was scheduled to run from October 3 to October 7).

### Combustion of the Swimming Pool

The rocket attraction was planned to use a highly reactive mixture of dioxygen difluoride, chlorine pentafluoride, and water oxide oxide oxide to oxidize its fuel. This mixture was stored in a set of large tanks positioned beneath the swimming pool. At some point between 3:40 and 4:14 in the afternoon of October 4, one of the large tanks sprung a leak. The highly reactive substances which leaked from the tank immediately set the other tanks on fire. At 4:14 in the afternoon, the conflagration had melted through the layers of concrete between the tanks and the swimming pool, and the swimming pool caught fire. Remarkably, it maintained its structure, but was very weakened. As a cow tried to enter it at 4:27 of the same afternoon, the swimming pool immediately broke and unleashed its torrent of water.

## October 4

The torrent of water immediately headed in the direction of Jimmy Fjordbank (who had just arrived at a hotel in Springfield, Illinois following a long international plane trip). By 6:20, it was traveling at over a hundred miles per hour and had crossed over both the Oklahoma-Kansas and Kansas-Missouri borders. It had already been sighted several times by rural farmers, who claimed they had seen a large amorphous shape seemingly composed of mud racing along the surface of the ground, tearing up the turf as it went. The media had already begun to report on the story, and traced its movement, predicting more sightings would occur along a certain line (aimed directly at the jet-lagged, napping Jimmy Fjordbank). Yet at 7:0sv, sightings ceased to appear along the line, instead now appearing along a seemingly meandering path in the general direction of God's vacation home in north Alaska.

## October 5

By the morning of October 5, the water was tearing through rural Saskatchewan (though it quickly entered Alberta). Though it was traveling at incredible speed, it had adopted a meandering path, and was moving with unpredictable average velocity. By this point, it was often observed floating through the air, and it had become difficult to trace as its path of torn up turf would frequently disappear when it floated. A table of its sightings on this day can be found below

Caption

By the third of these sightings, it was traveling at least several hundred nautical miles per hectosecond. Strangely, it was not sighted after its appearance at Zeration Station for the remaining time in the day.

## October 6

In the early hours of October 6, at about 4:03 in the morning, the torrent was spotted in rural areas of Montana, Wyoming, and Colorado. The path between them seemed to indicate that it was headed directly for Oklahoma City, where it had started. It was now traveling extremely fast, with less than a minute between each sighting. It was not sighted in Oklahoma City. However, the (defunct and abandoned) rocket display from the City State Feraient disappeared at some point between the evening of Octover 5 and the morning of Octover 6, when it was found missing. Later that day, a burst of light was detected on the surface of Mars, and astronomers found that the torrent of water, still liquid, had formed into a sphere and stopped moving, meters above the surface of Mars.

Despite this, many researchers still maintain that they have not observed any liquid water on the surface of Mars (for it was above the surface of Mars).

## Aftermath

Researchers, including George Silt, have confirmed that the fire leading to the release of the torrent was due to the aforementioned oxidizer leak. However, no explanation has been proposed for how the torrent remained concentrated together, or how it gained tremendous amounts of energy.

No deaths have been confirmed as a result of the incident, though it is considered highly likely that it directly caused the death of Santa Claus.

It was later noticed that a number of trees scattered across the world had been cut as if by a jet of high powered water, and that a barn had been constructed and filled with the finest of wild strawberry cows in an empty field near the Bjørnelson Family Farm, which was at the time struggling (the Bjørnelsons would later outcompete Alexanderbiumaxim Smith in the local strawberry milk market, thanks to their philanthropic promises — which they kept — to donate a proportion of their revenue to charity). In her world-renowned article *On the Strawberry Milk Market In Oklahoma*, George Silt argues that the only possible explanation for this is that it was done by the torrent.

## Notes and references

1. ↑ He didn't, resulting in an ongoing controversy.
2. ↑ It is believed that this is related to Santa's death which occurred on the same day. The last known message he sent to anyone was "WHAT IN GODS NAME THERES A GIANT MUDDY BLOB AND ITS FAST".

1. ↑ Silt et al. *Regarding the Oklahoma City Cattle Swimming Pool Incident*, online publication
2. ↑ Ibid.