Chapter 13: Rite of Passage

NOZOMU NOZOMI

RITE OF PASSAGE

CHAPTER 13 OF THE MANGA

(Story Note---Almost all of this chapter consists of Tao Nozomi silently thinking to herself, and meditating on what has happened in the past, and what may happen in the future. Toward the end of the chapter, Tao goes through a rather upsetting and dramatic trauma. ***PG-13, READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!***)

Several weeks later after the swimming party, wherein Tao found out that she has growing breasts, she is in her bedroom, after school, undressing. She is unbuttoning her shirt, revealing that she has already begun to bind her chest with elastic tape, covering her small, yet noticeable breasts. She thinks to herself that next month, swimming classes will begin at school at the outdoor pool. Tao acknowledges, I have been on edge thinking about having to show my body to the other boys in the boy's swim class. That, and having been told that I have been demoted as a 'starter' on the baseball team. It was Kouji-senpai that gave recognition to me, thereby gaining the position of shortstop for me. That gave me pride and confidence as a boy that I would become, according to Dad, a manly man. That feeling used to bring me comfort. Now, however, it is only a source of shock and exasperation, as my heart and spirit has redirected my life toward what has been in store for me all along.

Tao goes over to stand in front of a table mirror on their desk, wearing only her white panties. My chest has become bigger and more noticeable, even under loose fitting t-shirts. My pointy 'nips' show through. I can't hide that fact unless I bind it with medical elastic tape. My waist has become slimmer, yet my hips have become wider. So if I completely undress, I look exactly like a typical teenage girl. If my boy's body will come back is not something that I think about or worry about anymore. It's not happening. Now, as I continue to go through female puberty, then, no matter what, I will become little by little a young woman. Will my face change, not growing whiskers, wherein I won't have to shave ? For such a long time as I was growing up, I had though how nice it would be if I became a girl, just like Kanae. And just as I had casually wished, my body is developing as such. Touché ! I have prayed to the gods about my fate, but I don't really expect any divine intervention to magically change me back to being a male. I now know who I am. If that is because my prayer was, or was not, answered, I will never know if I escaped, or embraced this gender problem. I can try and refuse that this life is real, but that is only refusing that I, myself, am real. Was being a boy only a hologram, projected from another universe's dimension ? Did the hologram come to human life as a girl ?

Tao puts on a long, pale blue t-shirt, long enough to cover their hips and panties. She then sits on the edge of the bed, silently staring off into empty space for what seemed like a very long time. Eventually, coming out of the daze, she feels 'different' inside, somehow. She slaps her cheeks with her hands. Worrying won't change anything ! I have to think realistically. Swim classes start at the first of next month. Tao looks at the calendar on the wall, with Friday, the 1st, circled. Maybe I can get out of boy's swim class by faking an illness. Is there something medical to relate that would explain boobs being on my chest ? I don't know if that would work. I just don't know. What am I going to do ? I am not going to fool anyone ! Tao leans down sideways onto the bed. Her body feels so strange, so heavy. She closes her eyes for a while, but worry prevents her from even taking a cat nap.

Suddenly, she pops open her eyes. If I have a bone fracture like Yasu did a while ago, could I get through the swim class, maybe even the summer ? Yasu got to sit through all of the baseball practices, yet everyone was nice to him and would wish him well. But an induced fracture is a bit drastic. If I confess to the family, what is the worst that could happen ? Will I be kicked out of the family ? Where would I go ? Who would I ask to take care of a cute, adorable teenage girl who looks like a teen Loli ? Tao tells themselves that they are worrying so much, that it is making their stomach hurt. Her whole mid-section is becoming painful. Tao sits upright on the edge of the bed. First, I'll go to the Shrine and pray again about my situation. How can all of this really have happened to someone like me ? Tao rubs their painful lower torso. From the start, everything seems like a Sci-Fi alternate reality. Ya know, I could break a bone as a last resort. But doesn't that make the cure worse than the cause ?

Tao slowly and painfully gets up from the bed. She turns back to straighten the bed covers, but notices a small red patch on the covers. What is this ? Blood ? That's strange. Where could it be coming from ? She pulls on the side of her t-shirt to look at the back of it. There is a blood stain on the lower back of her t-shirt. Did I somehow cut myself ? Weird !

"This is just like.....no.....this is....! This isn't like it.....It is.....*I know what this is......!!!"*

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About this time, Kanae and her secret admirer and lover, Shiori, are leaving a women's restroom. The two were walking home from school. Shiori asks Kanae about a personal subject. "My....period ? Sorry, Shiroi, mine hasn't come yet, so I don't know what to tell you." Shiori comments, "It's okay. I also did not know anything before my 'time of the month' came. Thanks for holding my bookbag while I went inside the restroom to change pads." Kanae says that it must have been tough on you when you began. Poor kid! Shiori only laughs with humor. What are you laughing for ? It's just....it's just you are talking just like a guy. "If I could, I would be a tomboy the rest of my life.", states Kanae. Shiori remarks that it is just like Kanae to say that. Shiori then silently thinks to herself, that is why I am so completely in love with you, Kanae ! However, Shiori only giggles.

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At home, Tao is in the bathroom, washing out her panties with soap and warm water. I should be safe, shouldn't I, if I tell Mom that the blood on the bed covers was from a nose bleed. Somehow, all I ever do about my girl's circumstances is make up stories that may or may not be believed. Next, I have to wash my t-shirt. Tao is wearing only a gray t-shirt now. She has toilet paper handy. When both items are washed and wrung out, Tao looks in the top cabinet above the toilet. Mom's menstrual pads should be in here. No good ! There are only two left. She will know if one is gone, and it won't be Kanae, as she hasn't started yet. I'll have to go out and by a pack of pads for myself. **After more than a year** dealing with girl problems, I have become rather adept. Tao dresses herself, carefully using toilet paper as a temporary fix. She selects a long-sleeved black shirt with a white stripe at the wrist, over that a navy blue sailor dress, with a tan belt around the waist, black tights, and white frilly socks. She wears a tan hairband with two white flowers on the side.

Out on the sidewalk, worries continue to assault Tao's mind. That's right.....I can....since I am having my first period. Thank goodness I learned in school what girls are to expect when they go through their puberty. This means that my body is becoming adult-like, able to bear children. Whatever ! I had better hurry and get to a drug store, before anybody sees me. Kanae said that I could have this dress as my own. Will I be okay wearing a napkin ? What does it feel like ? Will it be uncomfortable ? But before children, I would have to have sex, and become pregnant. My body is now probably 100% female, even the internal organs. Having my period start today was a big shock to me, but I am determined.....I will survive....! Ya know, I am going to need a bra before long, too. Kanae never has worn a bra, so I can't look to her for one. More importantly.....I'm terrified.....for certain I will get caught soon.....even my way of thinking, my emotions and feelings.....are obviously female now. I was a boy who like the idea of being girly. Then I was a boy who delighted to wear girl's clothes. Now I *am a girl !!!* I feel like a completely different person from what I remember growing up as.

Tao is in the drug store, looking at packages of various pads or tampons. Which one ? What style ? I feel like right now, looking at pads out in public, I have been hypnotized and am in a daze that I can't awaken from. Everything about being a guy is like a colored towel left out in the sun. It is fading little by little each day, eventually to be bleached white, with no color remaining at all.

"NOZOMI-CHAN !", comes a voice from behind her at the checkout counter.

It is Ide-san, of all people, buying menstrual pads, of all things ! Tao uses extreme self-control to keep from going bananas in front of her. Walking out of the drug store together, Ide-san nonchalantly comments you must be Nozomi, right ? Kanae's cousin ? And you use the same brand and style of pads that I use, too, right ? Nozomi, you look so in creditably like Tao Nozomu ! The first time that I saw you in the bedroom that time, I would have sworn that you were Tao cross-dressed as a girl. Sorry for doubting you back then. Tao, after all, has become somewhat feminine lately. Is it because my hair is short, and styled like Tao's is ? That, too, answers Ide-san. Ide-san goes on to point out that according to her, Tao has become too feminine to her liking. And with that, Nozomi (Tao) tells herself that a misunderstanding about whom Ide-san likes has just been resolved. That person would not be Tao, as they had hoped some time ago. Soon, the two part ways, as Tao returns home.

At the front door, Tao looks side to side to make sure nobody is watching her. She tells herself that it is just a question not of if, but when, she will get caught. There doesn't now seem to be any valid reason to hide her femininity any more. Having my first period was my 'Rite of Passage' into girlhood. Opening the front door and going in, Tao sees Kanae's shoes on the floor. She must have gotten home from school by now. Tao calls out her name. Tao goes to their own bedroom first, then opening the package that she has just bought, and undressing, places a pad in the correct area. She then readjusts her underware and smooths out her dress. She then goes over to Kanae's bedroom. Opening the door, she sees that Kanae is undressing from her school unifom. She has on only her shirt, her white panties, and black knee socks. Kanae is somewhat surprised by Tao coming into her room, but when she sees the very serious and sober look on Tao's face, she senses that something unusually profound has happend to them. What could it be ? Kanae notices that Tao is wearing the dress that she have given as a present. Tao slowly walks over to the bed and sits down on the edge of the bed. They then invite Kanae, still partially undressed, to sit next to them on the bed.

Tao begins by saying that I am so pleased and grateful to have a younger sister like you. Kanae has been Tao's ally and confidant for quite some time now. I have confided in you so many things, and so many times, things that I would never mention to Mom or Dad. Letting me borrow and wear your clothes, you don't know how much that meant to me back then. But as time has gone by, what I have been doing is so much more than cross-dressing as a guy. What has happened over time has affected my body, plus reconfiguring my mind, heart, soul, and spirit. It is something that as a child, I would occasionally dream about, but never thought would ever happen. Kanae gives Tao a puzzled look, wondering what her 'brother' is getting at ? Tao continues, revealing that their changing life has come to a point that it can't be kept secret anymore. Therefore, you, Kanae, will rightfully be the first person to be aware of what has been happening to me for all this time.

"Well, it's like this....", gently speaks Tao, almost in a whisper. She slowly unbuttons the front of her dress, and pulls up the shirt that she is wearing. Tao gently takes Kanae's hand into hers, then places Kanae's hand over her bare chest. Kanae feels the soft, warm, supple flesh of Tao's breasts. OMG ! WTF ? Tao says that, see, I have breasts now. Then Tao deftly lifts up the front of her dress, exposing her black tights over her white panties. Tao again places Kanae's hand over the front of her tights and panties. Another shock jolts Kanae. Tao's male thingy is gone. They are flat, just like a girl. Kanae only feels the presence of a pad. Tao softly and carefully tells Kanae that she is just like her now ! You have seen and felt the proof ! Kanae asks, since when, as tears come to her eyes ? Since about a little more than a year ago. And today, adds Tao, I got my first period, and am wearing my first pad. Kanae says that she had no idea. So that is why you were so insistant to wear my clothing ! That is why you looked more and more feminine such as a typical boy never would. Tao confesses that all the time that we were growing up together, they has always admired Kanae as a girl, and wanted to be so like her. And now that childhood prophesy has come to reality. Kanae then hugs and embraces Tao, and they both have a good, long cry together, the first time as sister with sister.

(End Chapter 13)

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Click on Chapter 15: Sibling Gift Exchange, for the final chapter and conclusion of the manga.)