314: We're Right Ear

## Summary

Batthwack gets locked in the room that contains the information needed to solve the gem puzzle, so Will makes clever use of his spells to help him share it with everyone. With the puzzle solved, they're shown the exit, out through the ears of the same giant coyote head that they'd originally entered via the mouth. The head starts talking, apparently it is the one and only Captive-Eating/Captivating Coyote and the party explains that they're here to receive a weapon to aid them in their quest. The Coyote delivers an ominous message about Gully's End being in flames and then sneezes out a golden flail!

## Synopsis

   As the door slams shut behind Batthwack, the gems on the wall light up and change colour, and the eight symbols underneath slide out so that they're protruding sightly. Through the door, Batthwack tries to explain what he can see: a series of carvings on the wall. There are numbers across the top, coloured gems in a vertical line down the middle, and various symbols displayed in two grids on either side of that. Hearing Batthwack struggle to make sense of the symbols, Will leaps into problem-solving mode. There's no way to get a piece of paper under the door, so he casts *Unseen Servant* in Batthwack's room, and directs the invisible force to trace the eight raised symbols onto Batthwack's palm. Using this method, and some helpful descriptions from Raphina, Batthwack is slowly able to identify where they appear on his grid and communicate that back to Will, who recreates it on a piece of paper.

    Meanwhile, Rosco investigates the gems and the mechanism of the protruding symbols. It seems that they can be pressed in, so Raphina selects a random one and presses it. A loud warning sound blasts out as the ceiling slowly descends six inches. The same thing happens in Batthwack's room. The stakes of failing to solve this puzzle have suddenly been raised, so Will and Batthwack re-focus themselves and continue identifying the location of some more symbols. Rosco even joins in to help describe one symbol through the use of interpretive dance. Will fixes his *Immovable Rod* over his head, just for safety.

Now they're getting a clearer picture of what's on Batthwack's wall, Rosco explains his theory to Raphina: the coloured gems on their side, if followed from left to right indicates an order that corresponds to the numbers on Batthwack's side. For example, the red gem is first in line, so Batthwack finds the symbol in the "1" column that's on the red row. That would be the one they'd need to push first. Since the second gem is orange, the second button to push will be whichever one is in the "2" column that's on the orange row. The last gem is multi-coloured, and Rosco's guess is that they're supposed to push several buttons together for that one.

With the position of all Batthwack's symbols finally worked out, Will takes his *Immovable Rod* and moves himself to another corner, hoping that maybe he'll be saved when this all goes horribly wrong. Rosco uses Will's crib sheet to read off the symbols one at a time and Raphina begins pressing the buttons. Each lit up crystal goes out as she does so, and to everyone's relief, the ceiling doesn't move. When they get to last gem, they identify the corresponding three symbols and the three of them carefully synchronise their presses.

The last gem blinks out, as do all the lights in the room. The sound of grating stone reverberates around them as the floor shifts under their feet. They feel as if they're slowly spinning and moving and when they come to rest, the door suddenly opens and the starry night sky can be seen beyond, with woods and trees below them. As they cautiously move through the doorway, they realise they're emerging from the giant Coyote head's ears; Batthwack from the left one, and the others from the right.

Rosco's highly irritated that after all that effort, there seems to be nothing here. No Coyote and no magical weapon. Isn't that what they were promised? While Rosco shouts angry prayers into the ears, *"Dear Coyote... Fuck you! Amen,"* Batthwack investigates the nose and Raphina peers into the eyes. They have a definite twinkle to them and seem to follow you wherever you go. Will spots Mo and Sheemie down on the ground, who explain that the lady who'd invited them in vanished shortly after Mo had tried to attack her when the entrance closed. Sheemie says that the houseboat went back up the river by itself. Will sighs. Now all they have is the *Ding Dang Dong Boat*.

Mo has come up with his own prayer, which is decidedly more reverent. The others stand by as he delivers it. It seems to do the trick, because immediately in response, they hear in their heads, *"You made it through! Now you receive your prize: an audience with..."* The mouth of the giant coyote head suddenly comes to life and actually speaks the last word, *"... Me!"* The eyes peer down at them from the head which is still fixed on the ground, but now fully animated and alive.

The Coyote congratulates them for proving themselves worthy and asks if they have any questions for him. Raphina says they were sent to retrieve a weapon, but the Coyote says that weapons aren't really his thing. He explains that people visit, leave offerings and some venture inside. Those not smart enough to make it out, get eaten. He suggests this is just how he survives. Rosco's pretty unimpressed and subconsciously casts *Enlarge Reduce* to try and bring the Coyote down to size. The god resists the spell but shrinks down voluntarily until he's just a normal sized coyote head on the ground.

Will explains how they've been sent on this journey by the Rainbow Trout. *"We are here to do all kinds of good stuff for the world and we need more weapons to do that,"* he says. The Coyote says it's good friends with the Rainbow Trout, but isn't aware of the slivers, saying *"I mean, I just kinda do my own thing here."* It does admit that if that's what they've been sent here to do, then he trusts the Trout's instincts. Mid-sentence he suddenly lets out an almighty howl and the tone of his voice changes as he intones some ominous words:

> "Gully's End is ablaze, it's hellish light spewing upon the underbellies of the oppressive clouds looming above the great cleft. Extinguish the light to find your next foe."
>
>

This ends abruptly as the Coyote's head suddenly grows back to it's original huge size and lets out an enormous sneeze, covering everyone in warm, viscous liquid. Something shoots out from the nostrils of the Coyote, glittering in the sky as it comes spinning through the air. Batthwack's three-fingered hand shoots up into the air to grab the handle of it: a gleaming, golden flail.

## Quotes

* Eric: *"Whatever the D&D equivalent for Roman numerals is."* Adam: *"Baromian."* Alex: *"Baromian numerals!"*
* Abby: *"Alex is really doing a great job role-playing someone who has no idea what's going on."*
* Will: *"You press my button for me!"* Rosco: *"Oh, but it's a team-woik thing."* Eric: *"It's like a trust fall. Or a ropes course."* Rosco: *"This way, if we get crushed by the ceiling, none of us will blame each other."* Batthwack (calling from the other room): *"I'll blame you!"*

## Trivia

* The episode title is a quote from Adam/Rosco. The party finally exit the Coyote's head, Batthwack emerging from it's left ear while the other emerge from the right. They can't initially see each other though. Batthwack calls out, *"Hey, you guys over at the other ear?"* Rosco: *"Ear?"* Will: *"Are we?"* Raphina: *"Let's go out the door and find out."* Rosco: *"We're right ear! Where are you?"*
* *The Treachery of Images* a.k.a. *This Is Not a Pipe*, a 1929 painting by Belgian surrealist painter René Magritte: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The\_Treachery\_of\_Images
* Sousaphone: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sousaphone
* This week's episode description describes the Pork Fried Dice wiki as: non-cheugy.

## Recap Song

*Main article: The Music of Pork Fried Dice*
This episode featured Abby doing a recap to the tune of *Ballroom Blitz* by The Sweet:

*[Intro]*

Are you ready Batthwack? (*"Er, yeah?"*)

Rosco? (*"Yois!"*)

Will and Raphina? (*"No"* / *"Yeeah!"*)

Alright fellas, let's gooooooo!

*[Verse 1]*

Oh it was getting so hard

To figure out which mirrored form was us

*Shillelagh*, ink and genie,

Then Batthwack's sword released us from that fuss

*[Refrain]*

Rosco sees a door in the back

Will's voice is how we track, Rosco slips down a colorful slide!

Next head-first comes Rapheely, then Batthwack tumbles freely

And Will thinks he's the grumpiest guy

*[Pre-Chorus]*

No, it was Rosco

Who reports through Brain text

The room is full of

His least favorite thing yet

Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah

*[Chorus]*

And Rosco says *"Crap, this carnival hack,"*

*"Has thrown us in a ball room pit."*

*"Of spheres I am no lover,"* so Batthwack helps him hover

So he doesn't touch the ball room pit

*[Post-Chorus]*

Ball room pit!

Ball room pit!

Ball room pit!

Ball room pit!

*[Verse 2]*

Oh, flushed into the next room

Strobes and clangy noise attack our brains

Rosco finds the door and

As we leave it's Will who leads the way

*[Refrain]*

Well Batthwack tries to jump but he finds himself stumped

And the door is way up on the wall!

There's a bucket full of water. Do we drink it? Should we oughtta?

It's Will who spills it and saves us all

*[Pre-Chorus]*

Oh yeah, we float out

We get a short rest

We find a dozen gems

As part of our next test

Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah

*[Chorus]*

Do the symbols on the wall mean anything at all?

Will it be another ball room pit?

The door opens for Batthwack, it closes and he's now trapped

Is he playing in a ball room pit?

*[Post-Chorus]*

Ball room pit!

Ball room pit!

Ball room pit!

Ball room pit!

## Gallery

*Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice*

## References

1. ↑ See episode 237: "YoU'vE CoNviNcEd mE"
2. ↑ The Coyote was only able to resist Rosco's spell thanks to Batthwack's "Ally" bonus, the bane of KT's existence, and now Adam's too!
3. ↑ See episode 299: Like a Zen Rake