Fake TPOT 45b: Nine Kids on the Block

Warning! This page may contain **spoilers** of a popular video.
"**Nine Kids on the Block**" is the second part of the non-canon forty-fifth episode of *TPOT* by Jacknjellify. It was released on 6 March 1989. Since TPOT 2 has already been released, this episode is only headcanon to me; it takes place in an alternate universe in the suburbs of the canon. For a long time, this episode was known as "**The Amazing Reverse Race**" until that was moved to the next episode. For those who don't like punctuation, this episode may also be known as "**Please Welcome**", "**Please Welcome NKOTB!**" and "**Please Welcome... NKOTB! (Nine Kids on the Block)**".

Author's note: I don't know if this is well known among BFDI fans, but the contest in this episode is heavily inspired by the dropped "reverse race" challenge from BFB 3, whose script you can read here. This is the first time I've felt even a little guilty for ripping off a challenge from an existing object show, but since this never actually happened in the canon, I don't have to feel bad... right?

Author's note #2: It's also the last unique challenge in the season, so... progress on getting to the end!

Author's note #3 (8 July 2022): I'm back! Writing should resume very soon if I stick to my plans.

Description if this were on YouTube:

Chills, thrills, kills! Okay, no kills (that we know of)... but where will this reverse race between our fearless final five lead? You can find all about it right here, but you'll have to wait until everyone gets to their checkpoint first.

Previous episode: "A'ight Told You So"

Next episode: "The Amazing Reverse Race"

## Cold open

### **Flat 2: Pen, Pencil and the kids**

**Scene**A continuation of the last scene. **Pen** is lying on the floor of **Pencil**'s and his flat, having passed out in the presence of his girlfriend and **nine new young people** who claim to be their children.
#### Living room

* **P****e****nci****l**: Our children? B- but... but how can that be? I don't recall having any children!
* **P****en****cil look-al****i****k****e**: That you remember. [*gives her a look*]
* **P****e****nci****l**: My God, I'd recognize that look anywhere. Mum gave the same one when I gave her a copy of *English as She's Spoke*. Well... [*sighs*] Why don't you come in and sit down? If you lot are really descended from me and Pen and not just pretending so you can score some social points in your gang of errant yoof...
* **P****en****cil look-al****i****k****e**: We're not!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Okay, I believe you.
* **P****en****cil look-al****i****k****e**: Right now? Huh, I thought it'd take longer than that.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Oh, it will.
* **P****en****cil look-al****i****k****e**: How long?
* **P****e****nci****l**: About, say, twenty-one years.
* **P****en****cil look-al****i****k****e**: Hey, that's how old I am!
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*Aside.*] Twenty-o...

[*Pencil looks at the wall calendar, still on the page for December 1988. She calculates something in her head, and her eyes grow wide from the realization.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: You're twenty-one? All of you? [*points at the other kids*]
* **P****en****cil look-al****i****k****e**: No, just me.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Okay... and have the other children voices too, or is it just you?

[*The kids all laugh.*]

* **P****en****cil look-al****i****k****e**: Sure they do; they've just decided to take a vow of silence as soon as they saw you. We all agreed on what to do before our big song-and-dance routine in the desert.
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*stupefied*] The desert? What on earth have you been doing while I was here?
* **P****en****cil look-al****i****k****e**: Lights! Camera! *Dance formation!*

[*A rousing orchestral theme (which some might recognize as the same tune as "Our Great Mikado, Virtuous Man" from* The Mikado*) begins to play as Pencil's look-alike stands on the large coffee table in the middle of the living room. The other young people (her siblings) join her, some of them looking more enthusiastic than the others.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Ò!
* **P****en****cil look-al****i****k****e**: Listen to this vital info!
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*Aside.*] Since when has a song ever cleared things up?

[*Pencil's look-alike, whom we shall soon learn is actually called* Yesa*, begins to sing the last actly show-stopper.*]

**Song: "My Name Is Yesa, Twenty-One"**

**Vocalist(s)**: The nine children who were born to Pen and Pencil over the course of several years, and whom fate has given them by means of a knock on the door near the middle of the final scene of the prior episode

**Y****es****a**: ♫ My name is Yesa, twenty-one

(The length I've tried to have some fun)—

My sibs and I have come hereby

To bring news that may leaven.

If you're so keen to know today

Why we're here on the Fovitwe,

It's 'cause you made me born this way

In nineteen sixty-seven,

-ty-seven, -ty-se-e-e-even,

In nineteen sixty-seven.

I know you must be thinking of

The past you wish to rise above.

But do recall, oh, do recall

Your so-called fruitless summer love!

**Others**: Yes, do recall, oh, do recall

Your so-called fruitless, fruitless summer love!

**Y****es****a** (with **Others**): Oh, do recall your summer love,

Summer, summer love!

**Y****es****a**: The birthing place you left me at

A rule contained, which, just like that,

Made me, still short, a ward of court

Till I became a grown-up.

Come nineteen hundred eighty-five

(A great time one could be alive),

And full adulthood did arrive

When freedom should have shown up,

Had shown up, had sho-o-o-own up,

My freedom should have shown up.

Some thoughts may surface in your mind;

Compassion you may seem to find,

But do recall, oh, do recall

The daughter you have left behind!

**Others**: Yes, do recall, oh, do recall

The daughter you have sort of left behind!

**Y****es****a** (with **Others**): Recall the girl you've left behind,

Whom you've left behind!

**Y****es****a**: Now let me go and introduce

This brood of yours I did produce

Because I might have had the right

To make myself companions.

[*She points at each sibling and tells Pencil their name.*]

There's Lewis, Ita, Sol and Sam,

Rho, Ivor, Zira, Max (a ma'am),

And as I said, Yesa I am,

Your nine related Kenyans,

We're Kenyans, we're Ke-e-e-enyans,

By birth we're partial Kenyans!

This must be lots to handle now—

Don't lose your head or have a cow.

For we have felt the same way too

When we all chose to live with you!

**Others**: Yes, we have felt the same way too

When we all chose to live, to live with you!

**Y****es****a** (with **Others**): We know you'll feel just as we do

When we live with you! ♫

[*When the song ends, Pencil bursts into tears. As this happens, Pen regains consciousness.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: W- I... I sit corrected! That was *beautiful!*
* **P****en**: [*getting up from the floor*] Thanks, Pencil, and you weren't bad either.

[*Pencil runs over to Pen and hugs him.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Oh, Pen, rejoice with me!
* **P****en**: What? [*pointing at those that are still standing on the table*] Who are they?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Our *children*.
* **P****en**: Have mercy! [*about to fall again*]
* **P****e****nci****l**: Don't faint, you'd look well terrible if you did that before... er... [*turns to the others*] Oh, blimey, I've been talking so much that I haven't given you time to say your names again. Who are you? In *parlando* style, if you please.

[*The children step forward and introduce themselves one by one.* *Their nickname appears under them as they talk.*]

* **Y****es****a**: I'm Yesa Benedicta Aeterna.
* **C****i****l****lita** (Ita): And I'm Cillita Hester Celestia!
* **Iv****jær** (Ivor): Ivjær Xavier, but you can call me—
* **So****ldaa****r** **V.** (Sol): Hey, who cares? *I'm* Soldaar Vincent!
* **T****i****z****e****yra** (Zira): Tizeyra Aimée, at your service!
* **O****is** (Lou): Ois (that's O-I-S)... Carmine (that's C-A-R-M-I-N-E) and Zion (like in the book of Jebus).
* **M****a****xin****e** (Max): Um, heheh, I'm called Maxine Simonique.
* **Sama****r LaQa****ss** (Sam): My name's Sam!
* **R****h****oza**: He means Samar LaQass. I'm Rhoza Carmela and I'm called... [*looks down at the subtitles*] Ò! Of course it's a name, why do people keep doubting that?
* **Y****es****a**: Anyway, we are your children.
* **Kids**: And we're not leaving!
* **Sama****r LaQa****ss** (Sam): *Ever!*

[*The kids laugh. Pencil puts her hands to her heart while Pen smiles.*]

* **P****en**: Pencil, can I see you?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Smarter than seeing yourself, I suppose. /s

[*Exeunt.*]

#### Kitchen

[**Pen** *takes* **Pencil** *aside. He looks a bit annoyed.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: You're not going to kiss me before all these people.
* **P****en**: We-hell, I'm certainly not going to kiss you after 'em.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Huh. You're cheesed off 'cos we've suddenly got nine new people to take care of, aren't you?
* **P****en**: No, no, of course not! I just thought...
* **P****e****nci****l**: Thought what? And make it quick, lad; we've got dependants now.

[*Pencil points to the children talking in the other room.*]

* **R****h****oza**: [*Aside, to Yesa.*] Is it too late to request another parental figure?
* **P****en**: I just thought that if we had a kid after Sonny, *I'd* get to name them this time. Y'know, something real pretty. Like Gemma Athena. Freeda Smarta. Bolivia A-B-C-D-E.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Can't you see we've got bigger issues he— [*Pause.*] Bolivia... *A-B-C-D-E*?
* **P****en**: Yeah, I saw it on a globe!
* **P****e****nci****l**: One with a keyboard, apparently. /s [*sighs*] Why don't you carry on where you left off, yeah? I believe in you. [*pats Pen on the back*]
* **P****en**: I believe in me too.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Good. As they say on TV, go get 'em, tiger.

#### Living room

[**Pencil** *and* **Pen** *return to where they were before.*]

* **P****en**: So, kids! Got a nice talk goin' on, eh?
* **So****ldaa****r** **V.** (Sol): What's in it for you?
* **P****en**: I just wanted to formally introduce myself.
* **Iv****jær** (Ivor): You mean "to introduce yourself formally"; the adverb does not come after the *to*.

[*Pencil perks up at Ivor's saying* to, *as if remembering something.*]

* **P****en**: You're right; the adverb's the first to show up at the party. Just like me!
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*Aside.*] Shouldn't I be somewhere now?
* **P****en**: Anyway, I'm Pen, and I'm your... ffff-father.
* **Kids**: Oooooooooooooh!
* **O****is** (Lou): This is it, folks, we have just heard it from the man himself.
* **M****a****xin****e** (Max): No taking it back this time.
* **Sama****r LaQa****ss** (Sam): Darth Vader didn't take as long to admit it!

[*Silence for a second.*]

* **Two**: [*calling from outside*] *Pencil! Oh, Pencil! Where are you, o Pencil?*
* **Golf Ball**: Try it the way I told you, the way we did on the farm.
* **Two**: Okay. *Sooooo-ie!*

[*Everyone turns around to face the door.*]

* **P****en**: That's your mother. The number that eliminated me today just called her name. I promise, you guys'll love her. Everyone does, as a matter of fact. Except for Bubble. I think. [*sighs*] Pencil, she's the most loveliest, beautifullest and most *classiest* gal I—
* **P****e****nci****l**: Frickin' 'ell! Oi, what's everybody standing around for when I've almost forgotten today's challenge!
* **P****en**: Know, yeah, know.
* **P****e****nci****l**: I can't stay now, I've got to go! I know we barely know each other, but... [*points at each kid*] I love you and you and you and you, you, you, you, you, you, you... [*points at Pen*] and I think I love you too. /j Ta ta!

[*Soni exspectati of farewell. Exit* **Pencil**. *Silence.*]

* **So****ni****ri** (Sonny): Don't I get an introduction?

[*The intro plays.*]

### **Outside**

**Scene**The contestants all stand at the starting line. Enter **Pencil**—everyone looks at her as she makes her late entrance.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Sorry I'm late, all, I've just discovered that we now have more sons and daughters.
* **Golf Ball**: I knew that would happen at some point.
* **Two**: Now that that's taken care of, are you ready to go?
* **P****i****n**: Did you say go?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: I think Two said *go*.
* **Bot****tle**: [*in the background*] Yeah!
* **Two**: No, no, no. I was just asking if you were all ready.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: We're ready, right, um, everyone?
* **P****i****n**: Yeah!
* **P****e****nci****l**: And the sooner we get to the contest once and for all, the sooner I can bond with my children.
* **Golf Ball**: Whom you didn't know you had until today.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Thank you, Golf Ball.
* **Two**: Alright! Here we go! [*pulls out a megaphone*] In three! ***TWO!*** One! *Go!*

[*Exeunt* **Black Hole**, **Pin**, **Pencil**, **Golf Ball** *and* **Remote**. *Enter* **Tree** *and* ⚡ *(Lightning).*]

* **T****r****e****e**: Can I have my megaphone back?
* **Two**: Sure thing, Tree! Why?
* **T****r****e****e**: A certain someone has an announcement to make.

[*Tree hands the megaphone over.*]

* **Lig****htni****ng**: [*clears his throat*] ***Attention, all! My name is no longer ⚡; I have decided to go back to being called Lightning!***

## Contest

### **Zeroth leg: Fovitwe**

**Scene**The final five contestants run through the Fovitwe to get to their first checkpoint. As they do this, they look back upon hearing Lightning's announcement.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: ***That's right! I am Lightning again!***
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: I knew he'd come through.
* **P****e****nci****l**: You sure he's not distracting us so we'd run slower?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: As sure as Pen and I are friends.
* **P****e****nci****l**: And Lightning really changed his name? To what?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Something that not even a computer can pronounce.
* **P****i****n**: Well, he sure told me. I was wondering if I should change my own name to 📌.
* **Golf Ball**: Enough chit-chat. Two said the first of our ten checkpoints is at Tew's Market. Luckily, I still know the fastest and most efficient way to get there. Through the Tec Pulcussar!

[*The final five make their way to the sculpture in the middle of the Fovitwe and fall into its hole.* **Golf Ball**, **Pin** *and* **Remote** *make it through easily, as does* **Pencil**.]

* **P****e****nci****l**: [*going down*] Last time we took Two's limousine!

[*Black Hole hesitates.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Maybe I shouldn't... do something like this.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Why? You won't cause death by floating through a silly little statue.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Yeah, but I might destroy the artwork of Two, or whoever made this. By the way, who made this?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: [*popping her head out of the statue*] Why don't you try flying there.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Oh yeah, how could I have forgotten something, that is so obvious?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Well, you are friends with Pen. The other day he thought perestroika was an Israeli arcade game.

[**Pencil** *and* **Remote** *go through the hole as* **Black Hole** *flies off.*]

### **First leg: Outside Tew's Market**

**Scene**Town centre. **Golf Ball**, **Pin**, **Remote** and **Pencil** (henceforth known as "the Contestants") fall out of the portal and land in the car park.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Oof.
* **P****i****n**: Ai!
* **Golf Ball**: Move along, people, it's raining objects here!

[*Suddenly a car horn sounds. The Contestants turn around and see that it belongs, quite appropriately for the era, to a 1987 Toyota Corolla.*]

* **P****i****n**: *Samahani!*

[*The others hurry across the pavement, but Pencil stays behind.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Aye, we'll get out of your way! Don't mind us, really, we're just contestants vying for a prize that may one day benefit you. Or not. I couldn't care less.
* **Golf Ball**: Pencil, hurry up!
* **P****i****n**: For the sake of road safety!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Oh! Awfully sorry.

[*Pencil calmly crosses the pavement to the others and the car drives past.*]

* **P****i****n**: Thank *Chúa* you made it out alive. Do you know how many deaths are caused by falls from warp pipes onto parking lots?
* **P****e****nci****l**: I don't know, some? Can't imagine anybody knows that figure off the top of their head.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: [*Aside, to Golf Ball.*] Six in the last quarter.
* **Golf Ball**: That adds up.
* **P****e****nci****l**: And since when were you so keen on road safety, Pin?
* **P****i****n**: [*looks off to the side*] I... don't know.
* **Golf Ball**: Let's just enter the building.
* **P****i****n**: The back of which is where our first checkpoint is.
* **Golf Ball**: I was just about to say that.

### **Checkpoint 1: Tew's Market**

**Scene**The Contestants (finally) make it into the building. Once they enter, they are greeted by a Two-shaped sign that is read by each of them. For the convenience of the audience, the sign's content is also narrated by Two themselves, as their voice can be heard amidst faint (but glowing louder) crowd sounds.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: And now we read.
* **Two**: [*whose voice interrupts Remote*] ***DO NOT READ IF THE FOLLOWING APPLIES TWOOOO YOU:*** You are not a TPOT contestant. Thank you and have a good day.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Well, I certainly got a lot from that message.
* **P****i****n**: How didactic.
* **Golf Ball**: Wait, there's more.
* **Two**: [*narrating*] Congratulations, for-two-nate contestants! And yes, I am referring to you in the plural, because you are all meant to be reading this at once. Anyway, your first checkpoint is at the back of my market, near the travel agency. So that I know you are all together as you approach each checkpoint, I shall distribute one "ecar" to each member of your competitive cohort. (Try saying that two times fast!) Once everyone has their ecar, you may proceed with the remainder of your reverse race. Thank you for reading and I wish you a less chaotic day that of the crowd of shoppers you will encounter here. Two-dles! Ha, ha, get it? Because I am—
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*interrupting Two*] Okay, let's roll.

[*The other Contestants look at Pin, who is still reading the sign (and Two is still narrating it).*]

* **Two**: Get... it? Be... cause... I am a... number...
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: You haven't finished reading?
* **P****i****n**: I don't read as quickly as the rest of you do. There are still things I've yet to understand about English as my fourth language.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Bloody chiz.
* **P****i****n**: Like that.

[*Pencil tugs on Pin's arm. She looks behind the sign with her and sees a crowd full of Boxing Day shoppers.*]

* **R****e****m****ot****e**: How do we get through all those people?
* **P****i****n**: And more importantly, how do we get past them without their recognizing us from the show?
* **P****e****nci****l**: I've been through this two years ago. [*sigh*] Alright, let's just change our names. One of us will be *Dirty*, another *Diana* and yet another *Jackson*. Golf Ball, you're *Michael*.
* **Golf Ball**: [*mockingly*] Why single me out in such a manner, Ru-thie?

[*Pencil gasps, seemingly offended at being called by that name.*]

* **R****e****m****ot****e**: I have a better idea.

[*Remote approaches* **Rugga**, *a woman handing out carpet samples at a stand near the entrance.*]

* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Hello there. My name is not Remote and I was wondering if I could... if you... er...
* **R****u****g****ga**: Would like a free carpet sample, miss? They're currently 100% off.
* **Golf Ball**: Did someone mention a percentage?
* **P****e****nci****l**: We'll take four!
* **P****i****n**: I like carpets!

[*Jump cut to the Contestants now hidden under the carpet samples—they hardly make a dent on the market floor.*]

* **R****u****g****ga**: Hey, the price just went up; you'll have to pay for those now!

[*Exit* **the Contestants**. *They sneak through the market: to outside observers it looks as if four different shades of carpet are moving across the floor.*]

* **R****u****g****ga**: And I'm alone. [*nemini loquitur*] Never deal with celebrities, folks.

[*Rugga pulls the curtain over her stand. Meanwhile, the Contestants hurry through the store, accidentally bumping into people as Kevin MacLeod's "Call to Adventure" plays. They do speak, even if we cannot see them.*]

* **R****e****m****ot****e**: This is fun, guys.
* **P****i****n**: I too see fungi. They really should clean up this floor.
* **Yell****o****w** **Mop**: Eyy, what do you think my job is here, lady?
* **Golf Ball**: Oh dear, we've been noticed.
* **P****e****nci****l**: *Crawl faster!*

[*Soni exspectati.*]

#### Tew's Travel Agency

[*The Contestants reveal themselves under their carpet samples at Tew's Travel Agency, a small area in the corner of the market where few people pass by. They all look tired.*]

* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Oof.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Mark my words, I shall never go shopping on a holiday ever again, even if Match and I are the only apocalypse survivors.

[*Four toy cars shoot out of a launching machine right next to the table. They hit the Contestants in the face.*]

* **P****i****n**: Ow!
* **P****e****nci****l**: What the frick?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: You're pushing my buttons, strange machine.
* **Golf Ball**: People, stop talking! I know what these are!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Aye, model cars. Pen's got a collection of these. All Italian-made, of course.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: I know. When our teams were sharing a flat, he used to play with them and go "va-room, va-room".

[*Beat. All look at Remote, who shrugs.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: He still does, Remote.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: These must be the "ecars" Two was talking about.
* **P****i****n**: And they have *licence plates*, wowee! Now the authorities can identify them if they're ever in mortal danger!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Well, what do they say?
* **P****i****n**: Meaningful words, I guess. They're extremely upside down, though. [*turns the car over*] Oh, wait, never mind.
* **P****e****nci****l**: How can something be extremely upside down?
* **Golf Ball**: I suspect that this is our next message from Two.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Omg, really, Colombo? /s [*Subtitles: "the capital of Sri Lanka"*]

[*Golf Ball scowls at Pencil. She begins to read the number plate out loud, as her own narration is replaced with that of Two.*]

* **Two**: Congra-two-lations, you have just passed checkpoint number two-divided-by-two: the entire span of my market, or *Tew's Market*! Ha-ha, I said my name! As you now—

[*Pause. Golf Ball turns the car around to see if there are any more words on the ecar.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: What's wrong?
* **Golf Ball**: I can't go on.
* **P****e****nci****l**: You've finally found enough words to stop speaking.
* **Golf Ball**: *Noooo*, I mean my plate's done for.
* **P****i****n**: While mine has just begun. You said—
* **Two**: As you now—
* **P****i****n**: Right, Golf Ball?

[*Golf Ball nods.*]

* **P****i****n**: So they're saying now...
* **Two**: As you now know, there are eleven more to go through before you can finish your reverse race. From now on and for the rest of this contest, every—

[*Pause. Pencil reads. Her voice has also been replaced with that of Two.*]

* **Two**: Important message will be placed on the back of the ecars the five of you will be receiving throughout this ra—

[*Pause. Remote nods and begins to read.*]

* **Two**: —ce. And now that that's taken care of, I want you all to—

[*Very long pause.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Shouldn't somebody else read?
* **Golf Ball**: Don't make me choose someone at random!

[*All look at Golf Ball.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: What are you, a teacher?
* **Golf Ball**: I can honestly say that I don't know whence that came. We never read aloud in math class.

[**Black Hole** *comes out from behind the stand. An ecar is orbiting around him.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Yeah, that's, that's not really a thing.
* **P****i****n**: Hi there!
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Black Hole, you're here.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: I got here about four minutes ago. So many people, with so many chances to hide oneself. Life is good.
* **Golf Ball**: Why didn't you come out? As we we reading from Two's licence plates, we were hardly thinking of you!
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Ha. Ha, ha. *Ha*. /s
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Don't worry, Black Hole, the dame lies.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Just read your part of the message so we can move on to the next checkpoint, yeah?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Okay, okay.

[*Remote grabs the ecar from Black Hole's orbit and holds it in front of him so he can read it in Two's voice.*]

* **Two**: Hold on tight, because we're going on a trip down memory lane.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: What does, what does that mean?
* **Golf Ball**: It means that—

[*Just like in that* Gumball *episode, the screen grows pixelated as a short electronic theme plays: the physical transition to the next scene.*]

* **Golf Ball**: Oh, son of a par, interrupted again!

### **Second leg: South Goiky District**

**Scene**
* **P****i****n**: Now I know why they're called ecars.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Why's that? 'Cos *ecar*'s merely backwards for *race*?
* **P****i****n**: I thought it's because it's short for "End-of-Checkpoint Car".
* **P****e****nci****l**: That could work as well.

[*Fade in. The Contestants find themselves standing before a sign that is so big that it blocks the view of everything behind it.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Um, guys?
* **P****e****nci****l**: You're the only "guy" here, mate.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Look.

[*All turn around and gasp.*]

* **R****e****m****ot****e**: It's a sign.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Right. And it says...
* **Two**: Welcome to the road to your second checkpoint! Behind this sign of white and green is a place you may be familiar with if you were in the right place at the right time. Have a minute now to let the sights and sounds of the sixties sink in as you burst through this ground-level billboard and make your way to 21 Nump Street. Its actual location may leave you with one of *two* emotions! Tee-hee!
* **Golf Ball**: What is that number prattling on about now?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: I don't know, but I've a strong desire to float through, this ground-level billboard.

[*Black Hole sucks up the sign and the scene behind it is revealed. All the Contestants flinch, except Remote, who has been cheering Black Hole on.*]

* **R****e****m****ot****e**: You go, BH.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Omg... look at this place!

[*The camera pans to reveal the location of this "21 Nump Street". Instead of the 3D-esque grass that makes up the post-1975 landscape of TPOT, its colours have been "flattened", so to speak; and numerous high-rise office buildings dot the landscape as far as the eye can see. In the background lies a forest that looks decidedly "evil", located between a desert (populated with modern buildings) and a canyon (filled with even more modern buildings). A grey sky hangs over the scenery, conveying an image of lost hope.*]

* **Golf Ball**: It's clear that we have been transported to the south of the country.
* **P****i****n**: I knew something seemed familiar about this place... but I can't say what.
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*placing her hands on the side of her head melodramatically*] This is the old set of BFDI!

[*A creepy violin sting sounds, and the camera turns to show the Contestants' slowly realizing in horror that the basic emptiness of where they had once been competing/watching the others compete has changed drastically.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: This place... has been gentrified. [*"Dun-dun!" sting.*] They're doing the same thing in outer space, you know.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Oh yes, with the space debris.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Omg, who cares, who fricking cares? The place we used to live (you remember, Pin and Golf Ball, don't you?)... I- I hardly recognize it! This is simply awful!
* **Golf Ball**: This was when you were childless, right, Pencil?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Not now, GB!
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Well, we still have to go through this place, whether we like it or not.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Now where's 21 Nump Street?
* **P****e****nci****l**: I don't *know!* We never needed street numbers in this place!
* **P****i****n**: That's right; it was a much simpler time! It was either the TLC or no place at all.
* **Golf Ball**: And we damn *liked* it!

[*Remote, not wanting to pay much attention to the theatrical antics of the BFDI veterans in front of her, takes out her YeFone and searches for 21 Nump Street in the Maps app. Her mobile phone makes a "ping!" noise.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Was that you, Remote?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: No, it was the xylophonist of the Kenyan Percussion Orchestra. /s [*beckons him over*] Come on, dude, take a look.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Alright. How far must we go in order to reach this address?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Thirty seconds.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: But it says on the phone thirty minutes. And that's just by walking.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: It always gets it wrong. I calculated this figure myself, with my knowledge of navigation and you.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Ah, that makes se—wait, *me?*
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: You wouldn't mind having three people you hardly know circling around you, would you?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Pin's fine, but the other two... I don't think they really like me. Remote, I must tell you, that it's against my policy to carry people, who don't care much for yours, truly.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: How about last February when you carried those skinhats back to Manchester?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: That was different. They were actually against prejudice and for ecology. Or was it anarchy?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: It's settled, then.

[*Jump cut to* **Black Hole** *carrying around him* **Remote**, **Pin**, **Golf Ball** *and* **Pencil** *(the last three constantly looking down and gawking at the changed landscape). A throwback to an earlier episode, if you will.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Do you see what's going on below you, Pin?
* **P****i****n**: I can see exactly what's going on below me! Do you know what building that used to be, Golf Ball?
* **Golf Ball**: Nonexistent, that's what it was! This is a slap in the face to all BFDI recollection-holders!
* **[** **P****e****nci****l** · **P****i****n** **]**: Yeah!
* **[** **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e** · **R****e****m****ot****e** **]**: [*uninterested*] Ugh.

### **Checkpoint 2: 21 Nump Street**

**Scene****Black Hole** drops the other Contestants onto a house. They all roll off the slanted roof and land on the ground.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Terrific, now we can experience the horrors from the ground. Thanks a lot, Black Hole. /s
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Sorry, guys, but I just don't have those memories, like you originals have.
* **P****i****n**: Black Hole's right. It is a bit careless for us to have forgotten that we are in a new series and that we are surrounded by new people with whom we get along well.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Sure, twenty-five years later.
* **Golf Ball**: One quarter of a century.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Three hundred months, give or take a few.

[*Five ecars come out of an Ecar Launcherr next to the house (where its mailbox will/would be). They land next to the Contestants, who rise from the ground and pick them up.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Here's our prize for our version of time travelling, I suppose.
* **P****i****n**: [*not at all excited*] Hooray...
* **P****e****nci****l**: Somebody read it, yeah?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: I'll read it first this time. My ecar plate's got a *2* on it.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Mine's got a *2222*... I'll read fourth.

[*Two narrates the words on the ecars for the audience to hear.*]

* **Two**: Aren't you glad you managed to pass not one, but *two* checkpoints? I know I am for you! Anyway, welcome to 21 Nump Street, home to a new-style residential building in the South Goiky District, population: 0 (but not for long)! Does this place look familiar?
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*annoyed*] *Yes.*
* **Two**: Your next checkpoint is on top of a famous landmark in a place a certain obnoxious time-keeping contestant calls *l'Hexagone*. But instead of going to France, you will only have to travel a few metres... upwards, that is!

[*Pause. The Contestants do nothing for a second.*]

* **R****e****m****ot****e**: I'm guessing we're not going to be teleported there.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Not this time.

[*Pin gasps.*]

* **P****i****n**: I know where we're supposed to go!
* **P****e****nci****l**: I do too. It's—
* **Golf Ball**: The Eiffel Tower, over there!

[*Golf Ball points to the large building right next to the house.*]

* **P****i****n**: I was just about to say that!
* **P****e****nci****l**: You lot ready to do some climbing?
* **P****i****n**: I was thinking, um, maybe we could be carried up by, uh, *vì vậy để nói*... Black Hole.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: What?
* **P****i****n**: [*quickly*] If that's okay with him.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: I'd rather not, if that's okay with you. None of you can shatter in the proper sense of the word, so I trust that no deaths will be caused by your climbing up a building several metres high.
* **P****e****nci****l**: That's certainly optimistic. Oh, by the way, could you hold on to these while we go up?

[*Pencil hands Black Hole her two ecars. Pin and Golf Ball follow suit. Black Hole rolls his *eyes* but agrees nonetheless.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Sounds like a deal to me.

### **Checkpoint 3: Eiffel Tower**

**Scene****Black Hole** floats **Remote** and the other Contestants' ecars up the Eiffel Tower while **Pencil**, **Golf Ball** and **Pin** have to climb it themselves. The three have a conversation as this happens.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Remember BFDIA—
* **P****i****n**: No. Sorry, gut reaction.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Well, we used to have parties inside this tower. Now, if I'm lucky enough to have an actual holiday, I'd go to Paris with the alliance and behave like ridiculous Anglophone tourists on the first level 'cos they've banned us from the sod-er-ing champagne room.
* **P****i****n**: I'm afraid that sounds like a you problem.
* **Golf Ball**: [*Aside.*] It sounds like a FreeSmart problem.
* **P****e****nci****l**: One time, Geeaboo, and it was Match's idea to dress like short-legged can-can girls!

[*Golf Ball snorts.*]

#### Inside the Eiffel Tower

[*Enter* **Black Hole** *and* **Remote**, *who got there first. They take in the emptiness of the building.*]

* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Wow. I can see why the population was/will be zero here.

[*An Ecar Launcherr launches two ecars at her and Black Hole.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Ouch. Right in the Lagrange point.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: I told you to stop calling it that.

[*Enter* **Pencil**, **Pin** *and* **Golf Ball**, *tired.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Hello.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Hiya. [*looks up at the walls*] *Whoa, this place has changed!*
* **P****i****n**: That makes... two of us. Who knew climbing a tower could be so hard?

[*Pin lies down, as she, Pencil and Golf Ball have their ecars launched at them.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Cheers. Alright, who's got *2*?
* **Golf Ball**: [*splightlily*] I do!

[*All turn to see Golf Ball in a state of not-exhaustion. She ignores this and begins to read as Two's voice can be heard.*]

* **Two**: *Bienvenue*, *bienvenue* and *velkommen* to the Eiffel Tower, a place where you can have as much fun as you want as you immerse yourselves in another culture, all from the comfort of your own legs!
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Those of us who *have* legs...
* **Two**: Because most of its adherents live over four thousand miles away! Your next checkpoint can is outside this building; just climb all the way to the top of the tower and cross the Balance Beam Bridge that connects it to the next two ecar-receiving points! Sound confusing? Don't fret, all you need to do is to go outside! Be careful, though, because the beam has been sawn down in such a way that it becomes narrower and narrower the further you cross it. Good luck!
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: I thought we were already outside.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: I think they mean, go outside the Eiffel Tower and cross the narrowing bridge, which is somehow connected to it.
* **P****i****n**: Oh, I see.

### **Checkpoint 4: Balance Beam Bridge**

**Scene**The Contestants look out the room in the tower and make their way to the very top. The clouds are noticeably much greyer than before.
* **Golf Ball**: If it starts raining, I'm blaming you, Pencil.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Me?
* **Golf Ball**: Your father is a politician in these regions, is he not?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Aye, but that don't mean you need to put him at fault; cast your blame on the weather!

[*Pencil leads the group onto the balance beam, which starts at the spire of the Eiffel Tower and ends at a still-unknown location.*]

* **P****i****n**: I can't believe they put the balance beam up here.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Well, we did have a balance beam challenge earlier on, in the show. I was disqualified for being a flier.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: And now it's a bridge.

[*Pencil and Black Hole quickly cross the bridge as the others are almost left behind. Pencil gradually slows down, knowing that she must be more careful as the bridge gets narrower.*]

* **Golf Ball**: Don't go so quickly, Pencil, you forget that I am not a fast runner!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Neither am I, but I just want to get this over with so I can see my kids!
* **Golf Ball**: Whom you didn't know you had until today!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Thank you again, Golf Ball.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: [*Aside, to Pin.*] Isn't that nice?

[*Pencil is the first to hit the wood at the edge of the bridge. Black Hole follows, while Golf Ball, Remote and Pin are still rather far behind.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: *Ha!*
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Goosh dorn it.

#### End of the bridge

[*The Contestants have finally reached the end of the beam, which has by now become very narrow and even slightly sloping; and the Contestants have to be careful not to fall off when they receive their ecards.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Alright, are we all here?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Yes.
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*turning towards the Ecar Launcherr*] Then send us your ecars, machine thing!

[*The hovering Ecar Launcherr throws ecars at Pencil, Remote, Pin and Black Hole (who manages to get it into his orbit). Then it throws one at Golf Ball, but she does not catch it—she is instead thrown off the beam and onto the ground. She lets out an ear-piercing shriek.*]

* **Golf Ball**: ***Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!***
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Oh no.
* **P****i****n**: GB's in trouble! What shall we do?

[*Beat. Everyone looks at Black Hole.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Wh- b- I've never done that before.
* **P****e****nci****l**: There's a first time for everything. Now do it so we can get to the next checkpoint.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: You don't understand. I haven't done such a thing, that is, bringing someone who's falling, into my orbit, because there is a danger that I'll accidentally suck a descender up, and kill him in the process.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: "Descender", I like that. It has a nice ring to it.
* **P****e****nci****l**: But *the challenge!*
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Remote, could you please calculate whether a golf ball of GB's type can shatter if dropped from the Eiffel Tower?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: I already calculated it; it is not possible.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: But how did you...
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: I came up with the figure when we all disliked her.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: There. At least she'll be alive, when her face meets the grass.
* **P****i****n**: I know Coiny sure felt alive when he did that in the early seventies. [*Beat.*] What?

[*Sound of a golf ball hitting the ground. Silence—everyone looks down. One can hear the sound of feet clattering on the grass, followed by that of climbing, that of a window in opening in one of the world's most famous replicas and that of short, angry footsteps crossing a gradually narrowing balance beam. Enter* **Golf Ball**, *in a huff.*]

* **Golf Ball**: [*picking up her ecar*] Goodness, Black Hole. You sure know how to treat an armless sphere.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Steady on, GB, he saved your life.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: And more importantly, your death was prevented.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Can we just read what's on the number plates?
* **P****i****n**: Oh, it looks like I'm first this time.

[*Pin reads her part of the message, followed by the others. As they all do so, the lower part of the screen gradually becomes redder.*]

* **Two**: Welcome to the end of the balance beam! But is this the end of your reverse race? Of course not! Your next checkpoint is in the building directly below you, but I dare correct myself in saying there is nothing building-like about this place, so my calling it a building one sentence ago is a lie. Ha-ha! But don't flee into the unknown, for perhaps you might be familiar with it if the following applies to you...

[*Pause.*]

* **Golf Ball**: Oh, it's my turn.
* **Two**: Your name is Spongy, Flower, Firey, Leafy or Bubble.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Omg, what could Bubble have experienced that I haven't done?
* **Two**: Good luck, and you'd better stay alive!

[*The Contestants shrug their *shoulders* and jump from the narrow part of the beam into the next building, which they only recognize as soon as they land on the heatened ground.*]

### **Checkpoint 5: The Volcano**

**Scene**The Contestants land a rather large floe of unmeltable stuff inside the volcano, called "The Volcano" for simplicity. Just like in BFDI, the inside of the crater gives off a reddish hue to the scene, and deep, fluid sounds can be heard in the background, which makes it rather difficult—though not impossible—to hear the dialogue. The Contestants themselves are surrounded on all sides by magma and, according to the Contestants' POV, must escape by hopping across several "pads" to a Super Long Floe, at the end of which stands an Ecar Launcherr. From there, they must open an out-of-place pair of bifold doors to catch their ecars, for the Ecar Launcherr does not work in volcanoes.
* **P****i****n**: It looks like we have to cross all the volcanic stuff.
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*correcting her*] Lava.
* **Golf Ball**: [*correcting them both*] Magma!
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Isn't there a game based on this?
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*jumping off the main floe*] I don't know, but I think this might be a bit easy for me. According to *The Earth*, I must actually come "straight outta hell".
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Pencil, please be careful out there.
* **P****i****n**: Yeah, one wrong step and you're dead!

[*Pencil jumps onto the Super Long Floe.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Certainly alive now, aren't I?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: [*floating over, with Remote, Pin and Golf Ball in his orbit*] Yes, you are.

#### Super Long Floe

[*Black Hole removes the three from his orbit and they land on the Super Long Floe.*]

* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Whee-hoo.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: I know that none of us have taken part in a challenge in this place, before today, so I wanted to make sure, we were all safe enough to get through this bit without falling off a pad, or something.
* **P****i****n**: That was very nice, Black Hole, thank you.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Now let's get to the launcher before these volcanic fumes get to us.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: What's wrong with that?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Nothing. It's just too hot in here.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Ha.

[*Pencil, Golf Ball and Pin run across the Super Long Floe, just as they had done on the Balance Beam Bridge. Black Hole and Remote follow them in a wordless scene, which ends prematurely.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Watch out, Remote, there's a pebble right in front of you.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: What?
* **Volcanic Pebble**: I'm intentionally misplaced!
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: *Remote*.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Ah.

[*Remote trips on the volcanic pebble and falls into the lava.*]

* **R****e****m****ot****e**: A, a, a, a, a, a...

[*Remote dies. Pencil, Pin and Golf Ball continue to run.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Y- you three, stop running.

[*All halt and turn around.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Where's Remote?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: She died.
* **P****i****n**: *Gasp!*
* **Golf Ball**: You're not saying we have to start all over again? Because if we start over now, the contest will take much longer to complete.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Amidst the tragedy of a member of our group's going missing, it is simply impossible to make it to another checkpoint.
* **P****i****n**: Suddenly this whole concept of the reverse race is starting to make sense.
* **P****e****nci****l**: BH, stop tripping out. How d'ye know she's not alive?

[*Black Hole floats above the lava and calls Remote's name.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Remote? Re*mo-ote*? [*Beat.*] Monteiro-san?

[*Pause.*]

* **P****i****n**: Now *that* was a pregnant pause.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: See, no reaction. And remote controls should be known, for their sense of hearing.
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*Aside.*] And for being game shows on music video channels.
* **P****i****n**: But... I still think she's alive, right?

[*Suddenly, one of Two's* **Twobots** *appears in the middle of the volcano and gets into each Contestant's face.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Don't stand so close to me.
* **Twobot**: *SURRENDER YOUR ECARS.*
* **Golf Ball**: Why? We worked as long and hard as *Americans* just to get these!
* **Twobot**: *ALL YOUR ECAR ARE BELONG TO US.*

[*The remaining Contestants sign and hand over their ecars to the Twobot, which exits as soon as it receives them.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: We need to go back, and have Two recover Remote.
* **P****i****n**: And get those ecars.
* **Golf Ball**: Aw, seriously?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: [*growing impatient*] Yes, seriously. Let's go.

[*Exeunt omnes. The episode ends with a view of the magma in the volcano while words appear on the screen.*]

**Will the contestants make it to the finish line?
Find out in TPOT 45c!
(Thursday) April 20, 1989!**
[*Roll credits.*]

## Deleted scenes (from parts A and B)

**T****r****e****e**: Hmm, what should the prize be?
**Pi****e**: [*pointing at Donut, who is standing outside the Tec*] How about Donut?
**Donut**: What?
**Golf Ball**: Will you really chop him into pieces like in BFDIA?
**Pi****e**: Why not?
**T****r****e****e**: Because that would cause *death*, remember, Pie?
**Pi****e**: It wouldn't. I checked his instructions manual and it says he merely loses consciousness which to the outside viewer looks like death but technically isn't. He'll be fine.
**Donut**: This can't be real, guys. I'm retired; not so decrepit that I deserve to be cut in half!

* Also during Cake at Stake:

**P****en**: What? That's 1,038 fewer than what I got!
[*All gasp.*]
**Golf Ball**: This man had trouble adding up the scores when he was host for a day, yet he can instantly calculate the difference between numbers in the hundreds of thousands?
**P****en**: Only when they have to do with me.

* The scene after Two announces that this episode's contest is a reverse race would be followed by the eliminated contestants sitting on the grass. This was dropped because I had no idea what to put there.
* Tennis Ball was going to host part of the contest. I decided to delete any scene relating to his hostmanship because he had already hosted the episode before, in #23.
* The answer to the puzzle on *Baroque Concentration* was *Inanimate Insanity* instead of *The Daily Object Show*. I decided that other object shows deserve love too, even if I haven't exactly *seen* them in full.
	+ Oh yeah, the game show Pen was watching was going to be *Baroque Concentration*, not *Prattle On*.
* Pen's assertion that his old university "has started only admitting nerds" was changed to what it is now (that he'd be older than everyone there). I didn't think he'd be *that* mean, especially with Pencil's being of the intellectual type lately.
* The eliminated contestants were going to be judges in the contest. It seemed too similar to next episode's contest (in which the eliminated contestants are going to play a rather significant rôle), so I simply replaced them with one Twobot.
* Pencil and Pen's children were going to introduce themselves either through song or some comic book intro. Both ideas were dropped in favour of a more straight-to-the-point series of introductions.
	+ They were also originally going to state their ages and Pen would be upset because he didn't want to have the same digit in his age as the number that eliminated him.
* An alternate line from the beginning of the contest.

**P****i****n**: Whoa, did you guys check out the licence plates on these things? They have words!
**R****e****m****ot****e**: And they're upside down.
[*Pin turns the car over.*]
**R****e****m****ot****e**: Now they're not.

* Black Hole was going to be worried about there being a person hiding behind the billboard leading to the South Goiky District. This dialogue was removed for time:

**B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: I'm just worried that I might accidentally suck up, whoever is hiding behind it. Ah, what the heck. There hasn't been a false positive in that sort of thing, since the Profily incident of '85. And it's what Two would have wanted, anyway.

* As Pencil, Pin and Remote climb the Eiffel Tower. The former's sarcasm strikes again!

**Golf Ball**: This is the first time I've come up here because I refuse to interact with traitors. Besides, Pencil, there's already a word for whatever you people were doing in there—*awe*—so why expand it to *awesomeness*?
**P****e****nci****l**: Suppose you were young and immature.
**Golf Ball**: And now you have someone young and immature on you. And ten children to go with him!
**P****e****nci****l**: Ta, Golf Ball, I just knew you'd be the perfect conversationalist for this climb. /s

## Notes

1. ↑ This is the first two-parter episode that begins *directly* after the ending of the last scene since TPOT 30. I'm not sure how I did it since then (or at all).
2. ↑ Yes, they're all named after their *Pencil 2.O* counterparts. I thought it would be rather weird to call them by their old names seeing how they're OC's for a whole new show, so I simply switched the letters in their names around to make something completely different.
3. ↑ Or the **second-to-last**, depending on how I feel about putting a song into the finale.
4. ↑ They noticeably speak in the same transatlantic accent typical of characters like Firey Jr., who have spent their childhoods moving from country to country.
5. ↑ Now you know why Americans started naming their baby girls "Abcde" after 1990.
6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 Oof.
7. ↑ Lagrange points are things that black holes just don't have.
8. ↑ Like in BFB 18.
9. ↑ [*whispers*] Coiny was a stoner.
10. ↑ That's what The Other Wiki calls it. I'm embarrassed to say that I'm not sure what the black unmeltable stuff is called in the volcano, scientifically speaking.

**Fake TPOT** [V]