Pee-Yew!

This is a book that has Mary's worst jokes ever and least favourite things.

## Disclaimer

This is a book of opinions. If you disagree, it does not matter.

## Mary's Worst Jokes Ever!

These are AWFUL-very bad and unpleasant at the same time! Also, they scare Robyn so badly that she screams like a baby! EEK!!!

1. What do you call a cow eating grass in your backyard? (A lawnMOOer!)
2. What candy do Egyptians eat? (PyraMINTS!)
3. What is a mummy's favourite music? (WRAP!)
4. What's a sheep's favourite fruit? (A BAAnana!)
5. What is a bully's favourite fruit? (Banana-nana-nana!)
6. What do bullies drink? (Fruit PUNCH!)
7. Why can't a tree play trivia? (It's always STUMPED!)
8. How long are an animal's legs? (They're long enough to reach the ground!)
9. What does Joe Pearson draw at bedtime? (Curtains!)
10. What did Papa Colour Wheel say to his son? ("Watch your tone!")
11. Why is tennis very loud? (There are rackets!)
12. Which cheese is mine? (NACHO cheese!)
13. Why didn't the coffeepot speak to the herbal drink? (She wasn't his cup of tea!)
14. What do cows read all morning? (MOOspapers!)
15. Who was King Arthur's favourite bull? (SIR LOIN!)
16. Why does an elephant use his trunk as a bookmark? (So he NOSE what pages he'll read next!)
17. What does a librarian say when he has got to go? ("It's time to BOOK!")
18. What's a 3 eyed alien? (An aliiien!)
19. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Wooden Shoe! ("Wooden Shoe Who?") Wooden shoe like to be a hero?
20. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Sue! ("Sue Who?") Sueprise!
21. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Dewey! ("Dewey Who?") Dewey have to laugh at awful knock-knock jokes?
22. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Phineas! ("Phineas Who?") The Phineas kids in school are laughing in their classrooms!
23. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Want! ("Want Who?") Three comes next and then it's 4.
24. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Wendy! ("Wendy Who?") Wendy wind blows, it feels like a hurricane!
25. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Butternut Squash! ("Butternut Squash
26. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Amish! ("Amish Who?") You're not a shoe, right?
27. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Atch! ("Atch Who?") Sorry about your head cold!
28. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") A Little Old Lady! ("A Little Old Lady Who?") Wow, I did not know that you're a yodeler!
29. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") A Herd! ("A Herd Who?") A herd that your jokes are so silly!
30. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Noble! ("Noble Who?") Noble so I knocked!
31. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Nuisance! ("Nuisance Who?") What's nuisance last year?
32. What flower talks too much? (TULIPS!)
33. What flower makes frog noises? (CROAKUS!)
34. What is an insect's favourite sport? (CRICKET!)
35. Why did the frog visit the doctor? (He was JUMPY!)
36. Knock Knock! ("Who's There?") Cone! ("Cone Who?") Cone you hear me now?
37. Knock Knock! ("Who's There?") Ice Cream Cone! ("Ice Cream Cone Who?") Ice cream, "Cone you hear me now?" to get everybody's attention!
38. Why did King Ramses grieve? (Because of his dead MUMMY!) PS It's Tilly and Joyce's favourite Passover joke!
39. What do skeletons eat? (Spare RIBS!)
40. What's a dog's favourite pizza? (PUPperoni!)
41. How do 3D shapes have ice cream? (In CONES!)
42. What is a belt made of watches? (A WAIST of time!)
43. Why can't you wear cardboard belts? (They are a WAIST of paper!)
44. What kind of tree is handheld? (A PALM tree!)
45. What kind of tree is dead? (A CEMETREE!) PS Creepy, right?
46. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Art! ("Art Who?") Art you glad to know that I am happy to be me?
47. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Queen! ("Queen Who?") Queen-ing your room is a lot of hard work!
48. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Wanda! ("Wanda Who?") Wanda be a princess with glitter all around?
49. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Honeydew! ("Honeydew Who?") Honeydew your homework!
50. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Ice Cream! ("Ice Cream Who?") Ice cream to get attention!!! PS Sometimes I love to yell, sometimes I don't.
51. What should you do if the school's librarian rolls his eyes? (Pick them up and roll them back to him!)
52. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Gorilla! ("Gorilla Who?") Gorilla burger on the barbecue!
53. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Laughing Tentacles! ("Laughing Tentacles Who?") You'd laugh and giggle if you had ten-tacles!
54. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Hawaii! ("Hawaii Who?") I feel good, thank you!
55. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Honeybee! ("Honeybee Who?") Honeybee your best self!
56. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Honeycomb! ("Honeycomb Who?") Honeycomb your messy hair!
57. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Boo! ("Boo Who?") Don't cry, summer vacation restarts next year! PS I love next year!
58. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Pear! ("Pear Who?") A pear of shoes!
59. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Hutch! ("Hutch Who?") You're sneezy!
60. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Banana! ("Banana Who?") Banana split when he saw a monkey!
61. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Horton Hears A! ("Horton Hears A Who?") That's by Dr. Seuss.
62. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Pickle! ("Pickle Who?") Pickle break the ground at a construction site!
63. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Goliath! ("Goliath Who?") Goliath down, you are sick!
64. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Broccoli! ("Broccoli Who?") Broccoli doesn't have a last name!
65. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Donut! ("Donut Who?") Donut speak to the princess without a curtsy! PS I love princesses!
66. Why did the princess visit her dentist? (To get her teeth crowned!)
67. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Rhonda! ("Rhonda Who?") Rhondavous!
68. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Artichokes! ("Artichokes Who?") Artichokes when he gulps and giggles at the same time!
69. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") 1! ("1 Who?") I 1-der what fish think about...do they have meetings?
70. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Knock knock! ("Who's There?") It's me, I am still knocking!
71. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Ken! ("Ken Who?") KEN YOU HEAR ME NOW???
72. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Cows Go. ("Cows Go Who?") NO, silly; cows go MOO!
73. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Justine! ("Justine Who?") I'm Justine time!
74. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Orange! ("Orange Who?") Orange you happy to be here?
75. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Rain! ("Rain Who?") Raindeer are also known as caribous!
76. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Dishes! ("Dishes Who?") Dishes a terrible knock-knock joke!
77. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Warren! ("Warren Who?") Warren the world is Carmen SanDiego?
78. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Chooch! ("Chooch Who?") Did you just pull the train whistle?
79. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Ruff! ("Ruff Who?") I am having a ruff day!
80. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Bibbidi Bobbidi! ("Bibbidi Bobbidi Who?") You're Cinderella's Fairy Godmother!
81. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Tank! ("Tank Who?") You're welcome!
82. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Circle! ("Circle Who?") This joke is pointless!
83. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Knock knock! ("Who's There?") NO, you are supposed to say "Knock Knock Who?"!
84. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Water! ("Water Who?") Water you waiting for?
85. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Witch! ("Witch Who?") Witch one of you ate my pizza?
86. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Woo! ("Woo Who?") What a great cheer! PS I love to cheer!
87. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") 2! ("2 Who?") Don't cry!
88. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Dull Pencil! ("Dull Pencil Who?") This is pointless!
89. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Harry! ("Harry Who?") Harry up and unlock this door!
90. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Cash! ("Cash Who?") I'm allergic to cashews.
91. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") 2 Fours! ("2 Fours Who?") We're skipping a meal 'cause we already 8! PS I love skip counting numbers with my sis!
92. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Noah! ("Noah Who?") Noah good place to eat out?
93. What's marigold and smells like aqua paint? (Marigold paint!)
94. Why did the monkey fall from the tree? (It got sick!)
95. Why did the car make whoopee cushion sounds? (It had GAS!)
96. What would you call Canada if all the Canadians had pink limos? (A PINK CARNATION!)
97. Why did the tomato turn red? (Because of the salad DRESSING!)
98. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Holly! ("Holly Who?") Hollydays are very special.
99. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") You! ("You Who?") Yoohoo to you!
100. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Sheep! ("Sheep who?") Sheep-oofed 'cause she was a fairy!
101. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Soap! ("Soap Who?") So poo on bullies!
102. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Pop! ("Pop who?") Pop-oofed 'cause he was a fairy!
103. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Muppet! ("Muppet who?") Muppet store is open for business!
104. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Cat! ("Cat Who?") Cat play now; I gotta work!
105. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Blue! ("Blue Who?") Do not cry, my little baby!
106. Knock knock! ("Who's There?") Wet! ("Wet Who?") Wet me in and unlock this door.
107. What's a skinny booger? (SLIM PICKINS!)

## My Least Favourite Things

These are NOT what I really love.

1. Stinky feet
2. Greasy hair
3. Mothballs
4. Rotten eggs
5. Playground bullies that put me down and call me names like "Four Eyes"
6. Back aches
7. Homework!
8. When my glasses are dirty
9. Headaches
10. Arguments
11. Fights
12. Violence
13. Anger. It's uncool!
14. Disappointment. WAH!
15. Sadness. WAHHH!