Satans hestkuk69

**Billy Billy-Bob (a.k.a. satans\_hestkuk69)** is a character who was first introduced in the song "Real Rockers Wear G-Strings". He is the son of Bubba Billy-Bob, and lives with him on the "Fam Farm," which is an apartment in Columbus, Ohio.

Unlike his father, who finds the specific subgenres of country songs to explain why they're not "*real* country", he finds the specific subgenres for metal songs to explain why they're not "*real* metal." Despite their interests being 100% different and in no way similar, they are able to bond over their activities together.

## Appearance

Billy is a muscular pig-man who regularly sports sleeveless shirts and camo shorts. He has a small mowhawk, and small stubbles of hair on his chinny-chin-chin. Due to never stepping outside of the apartment because he "has too many bands to prove are not metal," no one actually knows what his full face looks like.

## Early Life

He was born in 1995, at the Fam Farm. His father insisted he be born at home, because he feared the hospital would plant a chip in Billy's brain.

From an early age, he had always insisted that almost every band he listened to was "not *real* metal", whether the band was primarily a metal band or not. One of his earlier analyses was a list of fifty reasons why Willie Nelson was not metal. All fifty reasons were rewordings of the sentence "He's heavier than any metal I've ever heard."

In 1999, his mother left the family after Bubba Billy-Bob bought a Y2K bunker with their life savings. When his mother asked if he wanted to live with her, Billy Billy-Bob responded with "You're not *real* metal," so it was assumed he didn't want to live with her. Ever since he's lived with his father at the Fam Farm, spending most of his time explaining why bands he's never listened to are not *real* metal.

## Web Presence

He is mostly known for his online web series, in which he describes artists that exist, then explain why they're not "*real* metal". His most popular video is "Why Negative Øhio are a poser Nu-Metal Band Who Are Not Real Metal," which has a total of 5 views. Other artists covered include:

* Iron Maiden (too heavy, especially their newer stuff)
* Metallica (too fast, except for when they're too slow)
* Cannibal Corpse (vocals unintelligible, ergo buttrock)
* Celine Dion (nothing can possibly be this heavy, therefore her music doesn't exist)
* Napalm Death (songs are too long, damn these punk epics)
* Megadeth (hip-hop spelling of name, therefore not metal)
* Mayhem (sells t-shirts on Hot Topic)
* Judas Priest (dumb reactive reasons over their lead singer being old)
* Led Zeppelin (too sludgy)
* Black Sabbath (too many breakdowns, ergo punk)
* Meshuggah (too many breakdowns, ergo nu metal)
* Negative Øhio (covered an additional five times for some reason)

He has also released a few videos as to which bands he considers to be *real* metal. A full, comprehensive list includes:

* Five Finger Death Punch
* Hatebreed

## Trivia

* satans\_hestkuk69 is inspired by internet metal elitists, as well as people Gigakoops has met in real life who assert their musical tastes as the objective best.
* "Satans hestkuk" is Norwegian for "Satans horse cock," with "hestkuk" being a common insult in Northern Norway.

## References

1. ↑ https://negativeohio.bandcamp.com/album/real-rockers-wear-g-strings