Episode 23: World Wide Pet

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## Episode Summary

Christmas 2020 is cancelled don't worry don't be lonely. World Wide Pet will keep you company.

## Idea Details

* Idea: World Wide Pet
* Creator of idea: Drew
* Purpose of idea: Uh well anyways, I was thinking about for this episode what we would talk about and Alberta is going into more of a lockdown as much of the world is and I'll be alone in my apartment over the Christmas holidays, I won't be able to see my family (Josiah: "And so what's changing for you? So the lockdown means you're gonna be alone in your apartment. So what - so what did the - what did the government change to - Did somebody just walk into your apartment right now?") No it's my neighbors. (Josiah: "Well you see you're not alone! Don't be pessimistic, you can have Christmas with them!") What I'm saying is it gets lonely. Well part of the issue is, Josiah, is my apartment building I can't get a pet. So I also don't have you know, like a little uh dog or a cat to - But that led me to my great idea, Josiah. What if we were to create um everybody's talking about vaccines. (Josiah: "If I'm understanding what you're saying right now is that your circumstances in life have made it so that you can't get pussy.") Come on. No I'm just saying it would be a less lonely if I had a little pet - Well I think we should create - I'm proposing - What I think - OK. Do you wanna hear my idea? I'm proposing an injectable - injectable uh pet. An injectable pet.
* Timetable: Implementing World Wide Pet will require creating the technology to hack animal soul DNA source code from a living animal and then convert that hacked soul into an injectable fluid that will look like the animal playing inside of the eyeball, and then distribute it so it is available for purchase worldwide. This process will be kickstarted once the COVID-19 vaccination process is concluded so the knowledgeable parties can shift their focus to creating World Wide Pet. It will be available soon after that.
* Idea details:
	+ World Wide Pet is an injectable pet that lives in your eyeballs.
	+ The distilled essence of an animal will be put into a capsule that you can inject into your body. That essence will travel up your bloodstream into your eye, which will then display the animal to the person.
	+ The animal's soul will then live in your eyeball and you will be able to see your World Wide Pet running around. They will have full range of motion.
	+ Any animal can live in your eyeball, such as a blue whale or a bunch of newborn kittens.
	+ World Wide Pet has to be injected into the bloodstream every morning.
	+ Cat food will be injected separately several times throughout the day. Kitty litter will have to be snorted.
	+ Pet stores will rebrand as vape stores, but instead of being vape stores they will sell vials of different animals that you can peruse in binders like at a sperm bank all within a vape environment.
	+ The soul will be hacked from a living animal, but the process will not kill the animal. And once the animal soul is hacked, the DNA code can be replicated so the animal does not need to be hacked again.
	+ Like in *Osmosis Jones*, there is a city inside of your body to maintain order. This city will also maintain a graveyard for the dead animal souls.
	+ Injecting a World Wide Pet gives you a slight super long heroin high as a side effect.
	+ World Wide Pets will be visible in your eyes to outside observers.
	+ As a World Wide Pet ages, the morning injection will get bigger and bigger to contain the constantly expanding source DNA information in the fluid.
	+ World Wide Pets will be contained within certain objects in your eyesight. A kitten, for instance, might be seen poking its head out of a hat. If it outgrows the hat, it may utilize various other objects. These objects can also be injected like the hat or like a stool, or they can be objects in the real life city in your vision.
	+ The price of World Wide Pet is based on the price of an animal's soul, which is priceless. The exact market value will be determined later.

## Devil Play

* Josiah played devil by asking if you have to kill the animal to distill the essence for injection. He also asked if they will eventually age and go feral after injection.
	+ Drew expressed his hope to get the chemical composition of a cat's soul.
	+ Josiah asked how they would do that and if it would involve going into the source code of the DNA.
	+ Drew agreed, saying you would basically hack a cat. He went further by suggesting eventually they might be able to avoid hacking a kitten altogether, and simply hack water and give water the kitten's soul.
* Josiah asked about the space capabilities of maintaining a potentially unlimited number of World Wide Pets in the eye, asking whether people would be restricted based on how much they could see. He then asked whether World Wide Pet would be like a phone AR experience where the pet occupies a certain place in the room when you look at it, and whether this might be better as simply an app on your phone instead of an injected pet's distilled essence.
	+ Drew felt the injected World Wide Pet had a certain permanence that a phone app would lack.
* Josiah asked if it will be an issue for people to potentially get addicted to the heroin high associated with injecting a World Wide Pet, positing that people could inadvertently inject themselves so full of various animal souls that their *Osmosis Jones* city gets overrun and their vision gets completely blocked out by all the animals living in their eyes.
	+ Drew agreed that this would be an important issue to figure out but offered that he had not considered it so he had no solutions.

## Notable Events

* Josiah and Drew declared "I want to change the world for the better" and then held a moment of silence, inviting all the listeners to say that phrase aloud in response. They repeated this again to ensure every listener actually said it.
* Josiah and Drew advertised their Patreon page and encouraged subscribers to listen to the ongoing Patreon project called Calgary Awareness Month.
* Josiah again insisted that the future utopia world be renamed World Wide Calgary. Drew again demurred.
* Drew revealed he covers his face while he sleeps to keep himself from catching COVID-19 from his neighbors through the ventilation system at his apartment complex.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video of a buff ginger man injecting himself with insulin.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video of ginger men discussing whether animals have souls in the Bible.

## Notable Quotes

### Josiah

* "If you wanna do this show and bask in the clout of being kind of the premier Canadian political talk show, then if someone tells you that I'm too mean to you, you need to tell them to go fuck themselves. You need to cut them out of your life. You need to cut them out of your life, and it's time to pick a side."
* "Drew can't get bitches."
* "Drew are you uh - are you juicing?"
* "You are so moody today."
* "So you don't think prostate health is important."
* "Do they have best mens at funerals?"
* "[In response to Drew saying you would hack a cat to acquire its DNA source code essence] Now I've heard of a cat hacking... up a hairball, but hacking a cat is a whole different tale!"
* "[On the topic of what DNA stands for] Drew's Naked Asshole."
* "World Wife."
* "You're gonna be high off your rocker on pet juice."

### Drew

* "No, I'm gonna say what I believe and I'm gonna s- No! I'm gonna say what I believe and I'm gonna - No! I'm gonna say what I believe and I'm gonna say that you hurt my feelings every day."
* "Josiah hurts me infinity times infinity times plus one also. So that's the end of the conversation, I believe. And I think maybe the end of the podcast."
* "You're nasty this week."
* "He doesn't even show himself injecting himself. Piece of shit."
* "WILL YOU LET ME SPEAK, JOSIAH?! Let me talk you through the process, OK Josiah?"
* "Are you done? I thought you were supposed to be being nice to me this week. You're going to - for fuck's sake, Josiah! You piece of shit."
* "Why do you think I'm moody?"
* "Why are you getting your prostate exam at your parents' funeral?"
* "Come on. Don't talk about my naked asshole."
* "I'd love to adopt a sweet little kitten but for now I'm gonna inject myself every single day."
* "World Wife."