Stone 8

**Chapter 8**

Kahlan wakes up and takes a few minutes to obsess over how amazingly handsome Richard is as he lays there staring up at the ceiling. \~/ She realizes that he looks like Darken Rahl, only Rahl looked *too* handsome. Somehow. Richard looks *“more rugged, rougher, more real.”* Kahlan muses on how Richard looks like a combination of Rahl and his (Richard's) mother, who's likeness she saw when Shota tried to mess with Richard's head. *“...she **knew** Richard had Rahl blood.”* (emphasis mine). Because similar appearance inevitably denotes blood relationship. \~/

Richard wakes up. Kahlan is alarmed, because his eyes were open, and only wizards sleep with their eyes open. Yes, no one else has *ever* had their eyes open while they remained asleep.

They have breakfast. There's an unnecessarily detailed account of Savidlin drilling a hole in Richard's dragon tooth, which he wears on a leather string along with his +5 Riding Crop of Pain and his magic bird-summoning whistle. Man's getting as much bling as Mr. T. There's a pointless breakfast scene which exists only to establish the existence of *“ten-step poison,”* which Chandelier and his boys use on their arrows; it is so called because *“When it sticks you, you get only ten steps, and then you are dead.”*

Isn't it usually the *villains* who use poison?

There's more pointless chatter and Richard leaves with Chandelier and his boys to go shoot arrows. Kahlan has generic wedding chatter with Savidlin's wife, Weselan. It's not very interesting, but it *does* fill up a page.

We jump forward to the early evening when Richard and the Boyz are coming back (they were out shooting at targets all day?). Richard and Chandelier are mad at each other because Chandelier thinks Richard tried to kill him (which I'm completely prepared to believe).

The shortened version of the argument is: Richard *“For some reason...knew”* this guy was there \~/. He saw him over Chandelier's shoulder, poised to spear ol' Chandy in the back. Richard shot him in the face, nicking Chandy's shoulder in the process. The odd part is, this is described as a conscious decision by Richard: *“The top of his forehead was sloped back. If I hit it too high, the arrow would have deflected off, and he would have killed you.”*

Umm...I'm pretty sure an arrow hitting the top of his head would have thrown off his aim, Richard. Anyway, Kahlan translates, Chandelier grudgingly accepts Richard's explanation, and we move on.

Richard's headache is worse. Kahlan goes and talks with Savidlin, and we learn that Richard has being showing off his well-established (by which I mean, not established at all) 1337 archery skillz. Let's tally 'em up, shall we?

1. Richard shot a guy hiding behind Chandelier at a distance of 100 yards. He acted like this was no big deal: *”I'm afraid I could have done it at twice that distance. Three times that distance.”*
2. He shot the guy in the half-inch of space between Chandelier's shoulder and the point where Slopey's adamantium forehead became so sloped that it would deflect an arrow.
3. Next, one of Chandelier's boyz shot at arrow at Richard, thinking he'd tried to kill Chandelier. Richard shot the arrow out of the air with his last arrow.
4. Another of the Boyz shot at him. Richard caught the arrow, set it to his string, and threatened them with it.
5. Richard had been impressing the Boyz by doing “shaft shots” all day. A “shaft shot” is when an archer splits the arrow that's already stuck in the target. Richard split *“over a hundred arrows.”*
6. Richard split six arrows, one on top of each other, in six shots.

So, in summary, Richard is Robin Hood, Legolas and Green Arrow combined. \~/\~/\~/\~/\~/\~/

Richard wanders off and Kahlan talks with Savidlin. Kahlan is horrified that Chandelier's men have cut off Slopey's head and brought it back with them, and asks *“How can they be so gruesome?”*

Savidlin explains that Slopey had black painted over his eyes, which was to hide him from the spirits. *“A man who comes onto our land with black over his eyes comes for only one reason: to kill.”* Thus, the Mud People stick his head on a stake as a warning to other black-eyed murderers (*The Black-Eyed Murderers! Opening for Richard and the Screelings!*).

Except...isn't that exactly the same thing they do for their own elders, as a sign of respect? Isn't this similar to “dishonoring” criminals with a military funeral, or some such? \~/ If anything, the Mud People should display Slopey's *body* and make a point of burying his head.

Kahlan apologizes for *“thinking things about your people that were wrong.” “*Your” people. Not “our” people. Kahlan, despite being legally a Mud Person (remember that business in Book 1 where she and Richard joined the tribe?) does not consider herself one of them. This is merely further confirmation that Kahlan does not feel bound by the Mud Peoples' laws and customs – oh, wait! She's a Mindrapist, and they're above the law because they are! Of course!

Richard's headache is worse. We get a chat between Richard and Kahlan about why he's so awesome at archery, and it turns out he *“call[s] the target to [him].”* He assumed this was how everyone shot arrows, until Zedd told him otherwise. When he did this, it made his headache go away.

We also learn that Richard is an ever more badass archer than we thought. He got bored with shaft shots and started shaving the fletching off the arrows instead. Of course, the Mud People assumed he had missed a shaft shot.

Blah blah, Richard was using magic. He also used magic to *“make the air thicker”* when the Mud Person shot at him, so he could slow down the arrow and grab it. *“It just all came into my head at once, the idea, and the doing...I have no clue as to what I did.”*

Has the hero's unreliable magic *deus ex machinaed* him out of a fatal situation? Why, I believe it has! But of course, it's perfectly logical that Richard's magic would...thicken the air.

\~/

Richard and Kahlan have angsty conversation about how Richard thinks his headaches could kill him. I've had headaches like that. However, Richard's headaches are *special. “Kahlan, the headaches might kill me. I don't know how I know that, but I know it's true. It's not just a simple headache. It's something else. I don't know what.”*

Richard just knows. \~/

Angst angst angst. Suddenly, the Bird Man of Alcatraz appears with a bunch of spear-carriers (look, Terry Goodkind wrote this, not me). He's unhappy because three women have come to the village looking for Richard. Apparently they also want to see Richard's parents, and they want him to stop running. The Bird Man of Alcatraz put them in the spirit house (so I guess it really is just a glorified guest room).

The three women call themselves the Sisters of Light.

Dun dun DUN!

Drinks: 12

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