SpongeBob and the Snailtales Patrick's Atlantis SquarePantis

"A PARAMOUNT PLUS ORIGINAL SERIES"

*[We see a live traffic jam on a busy expressway. Patchy is in one of the cars in it. He is also wearing sunglasses.]*

**Patchy:** Let's go! *[honks his horn]* Hey, kids. Rush hour traffic here in Encino is really bad. A little music should soothe me jangled nerves. At least my in-dash hi-fi still works. *[Patchy puts a cassette tape in the radio, which breaks and the music stops. Patchy shows the broken cassette tape.]* Oh! Me ultra-rare Frampton Comes Alive 8-track destroyed! *[Tosses it into the car]* And I'm gonna miss the new SpongeBob cartoon if this traffic doesn't move soon! *[Patchy growls and cries while he moans. Patchy's cell phone rings. The ringtone is SpongeBob's piccolo from the theme song. Patchy answers the phone]* Who's calling? Yes, Patchy here. Start squawking.

**Potty:** *[squawks]* Hey, Patchy, The special episode of The Patrick Star Show cartoon is about to start. Where are you, brawk?

**Patchy:** Stuck on the 101. Be a dear and record it for me, will you?

**Potty:** Oh, I threw out that old Betamax machine in the garbage. *[squawks]*

**Patchy:** You What?!

**Potty:** Oh, calm down, beardy.

**Patchy:** Potty, you know how important this cartoon is to me! *[Someone honks his horn at Patchy]* Do you mind?! I'm trying to talk to my parrot! *[The man looks at Patchy in shock as Patchy gets back on his phone to talk to Potty]* Sorry, Potty. Just some landlubber. *[Potty hangs up]* Potty? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Guah. Dropped again. *[Patchy closes his phone]* ***CURSE THIS TRAFFIC!!!*** *[the traffic starts moving again]* Ooh! *[Patchy pulls up his anchor, much to the man's confusion. Patchy drives into a desert-like area]* Arrgh! Home at last! What the...? *[his eyes pop out from behind his pair of sunglasses, breaking them]* Encino... it's gone. Nooo...!!!! *[Patchy sobs]* You know, kids, this kinda reminds Patchy of an old story. Another story of a lost city. Why don't you check it out? Oh, Encino. *[he continues sobbing, then we go to theme song of The Patrick Star Show]*

***Patrick:** [comes out of his house] Hi, I'm Patrick Star! And I live with my parents! [closes the door, his hand gets jammed by it and he yelps]*

*[Cecil is seen fishing in a fish tank]*

***Patrick:** This is my dad!*

*[Cecil fishes out Tinkle, and licks him. Then Patrick goes to his kitchen where Bunny is cooking steaks in a toaster]*

***Patrick:** This is my mom!*

*[Bunny's steaks fall on two plates as she smiles to the camera and Patrick runs to Squidina]*

***Patrick:** This is my sister! [Squidina farts and gets surrounded by a black cloud and runs away] She's shy.*

*[GrandPat is seen happily driving on his scooter in circles]*

***Patrick:** This is my grandpa! [he runs to his room which is a television screen through which his friends are applauding] This is my room! And this...*

*[Patrick's house that looks like a kettle gets taken by Hans and the entire family is poured in a cup nearby]*

***Patrick:** This is my show!*

Title: "The Patrick Star Show"

Episode Title: "Atlantis SquarePantis"

*[Episode starts. SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidina are blowing bubbles]*

**Patrick:** A beautiful specimen, SpongeBob.

**SpongeBob:** Hurry, Patrick, hurry! *[Patrick takes a photo of the bubble and it pops]* How's it look, buddy? Ready for the old scrapbook?

**Patrick:** More like the scrap-heap. *[throws the photo into a big pile]* They never come out right! Oh, well, let's try again.

**SpongeBob:** Okay, Patrick, this one's gonna be a masterpiece.

**Patrick:** I'm ready. *[SpongeBob blows a bubble in his image]*

**SpongeBob Bubble:** Hi, Patrick!

**Patrick:** *[takes a photo of the bubble but when he does, it pops]* Oh, I missed it again! This darn camera isn't fast enough. *[stomps on the camera]*

**SpongeBob:** Hold on a second, Patrick! It's not the poor camera's fault you can't get a photo.

**Patrick:** It's not?

**SpongeBob:** No, it is the very nature of the fragile bubble.

**Patrick:** It is?

**SpongeBob:** Yes, it is, my friend. Allow me to demonstrate.

**Squidina:** Oh boy! Here comes the song! *[gets out her camera and starts recording it]*

**SpongeBob:** *[blows a bubble in the shape of a microphone and starts singing]* ♪The sun must set at the end of every day.♪ *[the sun sets and pops]* ♪And the curtain must fall at the end of every play.♪ *[a curtain made of bubble soap drops down behind Patrick and Squidina and pops. SpongeBob floats up on a bubble. He is surrounded by lots of other bubbles]* ♪And every little bubble ever blown must someday pop.♪ *[all of the bubbles pop. SpongeBob falls]*

**Patrick:** ♪Like presents on Christmas Day, it doesn't seem to stay. Or a cheese soufflé, it doesn't last all day.♪

**SpongeBob:** ♪I will try again...♪

**Backup Singers:** ♪Try again...♪

**SpongeBob:** ♪...To blow a bubble...♪

**Backup Singers:** ♪To blow a bubble...♪

**SpongeBob:** ♪...That will last all day.♪

**Backup Singers:** ♪To blow a bubble that will last...♪

**Patrick:** ♪...All day.♪ *[SpongeBob begins to blow a giant bubble. The bubble captures them both SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidina and floats away]* Um, SpongeBob?

**SpongeBob:** Not now, Patrick. This bubble's gonna break all records!

**Patrick:** I hope it doesn't break until we get a little closer to the ground.

**SpongeBob:** Huh? *[gasps]* What have I done?! *[The three start crying for help as the bubble drifts into a cave]*

**Squidina:** We're never gonna get out of here!

**Patrick:** No! *[the bubble is popped by a jagged point of half a broken amulet]* What happened?

**SpongeBob:** *[pointing to broken amulet]* That's what happened.

**Patrick:** Whoa, what is it? It looks really old.

**SpongeBob:** Antis, what do think that means, Patrick?

**Patrick:** Antis, Antis...SquarePantis!

**Squidina:** Um, guys? It's Pronounced "Atlantis SquarePantis".

**Patrick:** Probably belonged to your ancient ancestors. *[Picks up the half of the amulet]* SpongeBob SquarePantis, you must wear the ancient crest of your ancestors, for it is your birthright! *[shoves it into SpongeBob's face]*

**SpongeBob:** *[Falling]* My birthright?! Ow, ooh, ow, ooh, ow! Let's take this to the Bikini Bottom museum, they'll know what it is!

*[Cut to museum]*

**Mr. Krabs:** *[Whistles]* Oo...uh...beautiful day for standing outside a museum doin' nothin'.

**Security Guard:** Whatever you say.

**Mr. Krabs:** *[Mr. Krabs pretends to be administration]* Hello there. Welcome to the museum! That'll be three dollars.

**Old Lady:** But I thought it was free Tuesday.

**Mr. Krabs:** No, no, no. Today's Monday. Otherwise I wouldn't be wearing this "I hate Mondays" shirt.

**Old Lady:** Good point.

**Mr. Krabs:** Enjoy the artifacts! *[Mutters under breath]* Don't stand in one place too long, people might mistake you for one. *[Hears SpongeBob laughing]* SpongeBob! *[hides, then re-emerges when SpongeBob, Squidina and Patrick go into the museum]* Hew, that was a close one. *[Old lady points him out to a police officer then Mr. Krabs runs inside]*

**Squidward:** Neptune's ascension. The only surviving painting from the great lost city of Atlantis. This is just what the doctor ordered, Squiddy. Spending your day studying the Atlantean masters. And best of all, no Sponge... *[SpongeBob, Squidina and Patrick run in excitedly, knocking Squidward over]* Oh, would you three watch were you're *[Gasps]* What is that? What are you doing with the amulet of Atlantis?

**SpongeBob:** We were just...

**Squidward:** You're going to steal it!?

**SpongeBob:** No. Squidward, we'd never...

**Squidward:** This is a new low, even for you three. Lucky for you, I was here today. Stealing artifacts could land you in the stony loneso... *[Sees the amulet's half was still there and is dumbfounded]*...ooooome?! You boobs found the missing half of the Atlantean amulet?

**Squidina:** What's an Atlantean omelet?

**Squidward:** Amulet, not omelet! It's the key to untold riches!

*[Mr. Krabs shoves SpongeBob, Squidina and Patrick over violently and faces Squidward]*

**Mr. Krabs:** Did somebody say untold riches!?

**Squidward:** Yes, Eugene. The streets are lined with gold, and the street lamps are made with diamonds.

**Mr. Krabs:** Diamond light bulbs! I wonder what they make the money out of.

**Squidward:** For reasons unknown, this great city disappeared one day, but no ruins were ever found. All the inventions that you take for granted, were given to us by the Atlanteans. Their advances in art, financial wealth and weaponry were eons ahead of their time!

**Squidina:** Why is this bubble painted on the mural?

**SpongeBob:** That's what I was gonna say!

**Squidward:** That's just the oldest living bubble.

**SpongeBob:** The oldest living bubble alive? *[shoves Patrick in front of it]* Behold, Patrick! the oldest living bubble!

**Patrick:** This is the most beautiful bubble I've ever seen.

**Squidina:** Mine too. Can't wait to take it's picture with my camera in hand.

**Squidward:** That's just a painting, you quarter-wit! *[to Krabs]* Quarter-wit. Ha, it's less than half. The real bubble lives in Atlantis, some dumb old bubble pales in comparison to the arts...

**Mr. Krabs:** Money!

**Sandy:** *[comes onto the screen from out of nowhere]* And science, don't forget science. What's all the hubbub, boys?

**Squidward:** These three chowderbrains found the missing half of the amulet.

**Sandy:** The Amulet of Atlantis?! Legend says, that when the two halves are joined, the path to Atlantis is opened! What are y'all waitin' for? Let's hitch them two dogies up! Go on, Squidward!

**Mr. Krabs:** Hurry up, Squidward, that money ain't gettin' any younger. *[Squidward connects the two halves and a bright light activates. Squidward is happy. Sandy is in disbelief. SpongeBob, Squidina and Patrick exclaim excitedly.]*

**Patrick:** *[laughing]*

**SpongeBob:** Hoo hoo, yeah, hoo hoo hoo!

*[A van drops from the ceiling]*

**Squidward:** The magical path to Atlantis is a van?

**Mr. Krabs:** Nice hot rod flames!

**Patrick:** *[Coin spins and attaches itself to the bus]* What's it doing? *[The door to the van opens. We fade to black, then to the bus opening again. Sandy looks inside]*

**Sandy:** Well, holly-wally ding-dang-doo. Would ya look at that!? Take a gander, y'all!

**Squidward:** Fabulous decor!

**Mr. Krabs:** Quite a vessel, but who's manning it?

**Robot:** Greetings. Welcome aboard the seaship Atlantis. This is a nonstop trip, so please take a seat, relax, and we'll be on our way.

**Mr. Krabs:** Bet there's some loose change in here!

**SpongeBob:** Ah, so this is what luxury feels like.

**Squidward:** Ah, what I wouldn't give for a foot-rub.

**Robot:** Attention, passengers, regretfully, we lack the fuel needed for forward motion.

**All:** What!?

*[later, we see them all pushing the bus to the gas station. Mr. Krabs takes the hose and tries to fill up the bus with gas, but can't find the gas tank]*

**Mr. Krabs:** Is this some kind of joke? Where's the gas tank?

**Robot:** We Atlanteans find the use of fossil fuels to be counter-intuitive, and have developed an alternative source we call song.

**Mr. Krabs:** Huh?

**Robot:** The engine of this vessel is fueled by song. The more you sing of your desires, the closer to Atlantis you will get. Let us commence singing.

**Squidward:** Does that make any sense?

**Squidina:** I always wanted to see you guys sing a song. *[gets out a camera and starts recording them]*

**SpongeBob:** No, but I'm game for singing any day! ♪Sing? Sing a song? A song of wanting to move along!♪ *[The van rises up and floats in mid-air. SpongeBob sings off-key]* ♪To a land where all our dre-e.♪ *[The van crashes back down]* Whoops, sorry. ♪To a land where all our dreeeeeams, can finally come true.♪ *[The van rises up high. It makes a hole in the roof]* ♪A bubble I long for, that so eludes me, but soon enough I will see...♪

**Mr. Krabs:** ♪Well, that's just splendid, boy! A land where it rains money! More than you can spend. With fives and tens and fifties and I'll want to be your friend.♪

**Plankton:** ♪Ha, ha, ha. Such a valiant desire, he, he, he. The lost weapons of Atlantis - the most advanced of all time. As soon as this dopey song is done, I plan to make them mine...!♪

**Sandy:** ♪Did you all hear something? I can hardly believe that there's a lost city where having smarts is more important-than being pretty!♪ *[Sandy pours green slime on herself, and makes a clone of herself, and divides herself into two]* ♪With all their advanced science, and my painfully large mind!♪

**Sandy Clone:** ♪I bet we can figure out how to make wondrous things, like melons with edible rinds!♪ *[they dig in on watermelon. Juice gets on the screen and transitions to Squidward playing piano]*

**Squidward:** ♪As a connoisseur of fine art, I'm proud to say! I've always seen things in my own special way! 'Art'-lantis, with their glorious aesthetics, I'll copy their style in a while- my art will be prophetic!♪

**Patrick:** ♪I'm Patrick, I'm Patrick, Patrick-Patrick-Patrick! And I like um, uh,♪ *[record scratches]* I don't know what I like.

**Squidina:** *[tries to sing but can't]* I've got nothing.

**Robot:** Warning, you have run out of song fuel.

**All:** *[Everyone huddles together and screams until Squidward looks out the window]*

**Squidward:** Hey, look, it's Atlantis.

**SpongeBob:** Pretty!

**All:** *[They continue to scream and the bus smashes through a city wall of Atlantis. We see that it has futuristic blue and purple buildings with spires and bubbles. The bus suddenly skids to a stop, unearthing some trees in the process. The six emerge from the bus.]*

**Squidward:** You dimwits haven't even been here two minutes and you've already messed up someone's topiary garden.

**Mr. Krabs:** Go on, SpongeBob. Ring the bell.

**SpongeBob:** Ring for the king, huh? *[rings the bell. A red carpet comes down the stairs and Lord Royal Highness comes out]*

**Lord Royal Highness:** Welcome to Atlantis. I've been expecting you. *[Falls down the stairs]* Allow me to introduce myself. I am the Lord Royal Highness, but my friends call me LRH.

**SpongeBob:** My friends call me SpongeBob.

**Squidina:** Hi! I'm Squidina. And I'm Patrick's sister. Pleasure to meet ya.

**SpongeBob:** We are here to see the oldest living bubble.

**LRH:** Yes, of course.

**Mr. Krabs:** What a ripoff! This street ain't gold!

**LRH:** Oh, if it's gold you want, you'll find it in our vault.

**Mr. Krabs:** I'm Eugene. I like money.

**LRH:** Yes, I can see that. Pleasure to meet you. Come, I'll give you the grand tour of our Atlantean fortress. I'm so glad you're all here.

**Plankton:** They're gone. Now to get to those weapons... *[tries to open the glovebox door, but fails]* Trapped! Okay, what do I have to work with here? What's this? Owners manual!? Looks like I found my escape route! *[Laughs diabolically]* Ow!

**LRH:** For centuries, we Atlanteans spent, nay, wasted our talents and energy building the most sophisticated weaponry to defend ourselves from invaders. But we abandoned the idea of warfare long ago and now all these weapons gather dust behind this locked door as an example of what must be done if one wishes to live in harmony with all creatures of this, or any, world.

**Mr. Krabs:** *[sighs]* Eh, harmony shmarmony. When do we get to see the treasure?!

**LRH:** But of course, follow me.

**Mr. Krabs:** Comin' through, boys!

**Plankton:** These Atlanteans leave a room full of the most advanced weaponry unguarded? No wonder they got lost. *[Squeezes under door]* Oh, my! There will be no one to stop me this time! *[Laughs diabolically as we fade to black again. Patchy reappears, he is still in a desert area, he looks around, but Encino's missing, and his sunglasses still broke]*

**Patchy:** Well, bad news, kids. Encino's still lost. *[The radio starts playing]* Oh! But, at least I got me radio fixed! *[Patchy snaps his fingers while listening to it, then it explodes]* Well, enjoy the rest of the show. *[cuts back to Atlantis and then cuts to LRH giving the tour]*

**LRH:** It is both an honor and a pleasure to welcome you to Atlantis. We haven't had visitors in some time. You see, being in a lost city has certain disadvantages which I digress. Now if you follow me, I'll show you some of our grandest achievements...

**Mr. Krabs:** Squidward! You told me the streets were paved with gold. Now that street light better be a 600 karat diamond or else. *[Mr. Krabs gets on Squidward's neck and starts unscrewing a light bulb]* Ah, hold still, Squidward.

**Squidward:** You're standing on my neck!

*[They trip and the light bulb smashes]*

**LRH:** Are you all right?

**Mr. Krabs:** Yeah, but I feel odd.

*[Mr. Krabs starts acting strange]*

**SpongeBob:** Mr. Krabs? You okay?

*[Mr. Krabs sniffs]*

**Mr. Krabs:** I'd know that smell anywhere. *[Pockets have mouths and start barking like dogs]* Me pockets! They be smellin' loot! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

*[His pockets drag him into the hall of Treasure and start taking the treasure]*

**LRH:** Those pockets of yours certainly have a nose for treasure.

**Mr. Krabs:** These are me houndstooth pants.

**LRH:** What you see here is a glimpse of ancient Atlantean history. Long ago we abandoned our obsession with wealth to focus on the pursuit of knowledge. So help yourselves to as much as you pockets can carry!

**Mr. Krabs:** As much as me pockets can carry?! ♪Oh, if I'd only known when I woke up today, I'd have stopped at me tailors along the way, and had ten more pockets put on me pants, 'cause I think I hear a money avalanche!♪ *[yodels]* ♪Look at all this cash, hey, look at all this money! I hope me heart can take it!♪ *[goes unconscious]*

**Medic Fish:** Clear! *[shocks Krabs]*

**Mr. Krabs:** ♪I'm alright, sonny! Industrial accidents can make quite a mess. Unless you fall into a money press. Oh, make me into money, Mr. wonderful machine, I always knew that me true color was green! Oh, ever since I was a little kid, I dreamed of such a place, yes I did! With mountains of money, and rivers of cash. And a pool of coins to make a splash! Oh, I'll open up a Krusty Krab with patties made of money. They'd be delicious, and expensive, and taste like golden honey! Money and gold and treasure untold! And all of it for me!♪

**LRH:** Mr. Krabs, we're off to see the bubble, would you care to join us?

**Mr. Krabs:** Are you kiddin'?! I just got here! *(He keeps stuffing his pockets and dives into a mound of coins.)*

**LRH:** Very well then. Off we go. *(Lord Royal Highness continues the tour without Krabs.)*

**Patrick:** SpongeBob, when are we gonna see the bubble?

**SpongeBob:** Patrick, shh!

**LRH:** Don't dally, lads. You don't wanna be left behind do you?

**SpongeBob:** No, sir. Come on along, Patrick. *(He salutes, and the tour continues with marching rhythm.)*

**Squidina:** Come, big brother!

**Sandy:** You know, LRH, I was born with a scientific curiosity and I was wonderin' if I could get a peek at some of your scientific achievements?

**LRH:** Of course, Miss Cheeks, here we are, the combination of all our technology. I give you the Atlantean Hall of Science. *[Opens a large door]*

**Sandy:** Hoppin' acorns. Look at all this high tech gear! *[Looks at an invention]* What does this gizmo do?

**LRH:** It's a biomass converting device. *(He pushes a button on it, and the conveyor belt starts up.)* It can take any household object--this comb, for example-- *(He puts a comb on the conveyor belt and it comes out of the machine on the other as ice cream.)* and turn it into say, ice cream. Would anyone like to try?

**SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidina:** Oh me, me, me, me, meee, mee!

*(The Goofy Goober ragtime plays in the background as Lord Royal Highness gives them each one spoon.)*

**LRH:** Go ahead!

**SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidina:** Yay!

*[The boys and Squidina eat the ice cream]*

**SpongeBob:** Comb flavored.

**Sandy:** What else can it turn things into?

**LRH:** Actually it can only turn things into ice cream. We haven't worked out that bug yet but I can show you the most amazing/fantastic device created by Atlantean hands. Behold, this grand machine allows the user to be broken down to nano-stature, enabling them to battle germs hand to hand.

**Sandy:** How's it work?

**LRH:** Please have a seat and I'll explain. Now, here’s how it works…

**SpongeBob:** Hey, cool. *(He presses a button on a panel in front of him that looks like a game controller and he dissolves in a beam of light.)*

**Patrick:** Where'd SpongeBob go?

**Squidina:** Yeah. Where'd did that beam of light send him into?

**LRH:** Right now, his molecules are being broken down into data which is assembled in this computer and is stored on these tapes, then re-assembled on a much smaller scale...

**SpongeBob:** *(On computer monitor)* Someone help me!

**LRH:** And finally passes through this tube and into this tank which contains every element known to... *[peers closer]* Oh, dear heavens! It looks like our scientists were working on a very aggressive case of the sniffles! He could be in trouble.

**Patrick:** Don't worry, SpongeBob. I'm comin' to help you! *(He vaporizes to join SpongeBob.)*

**Squidina:** Patrick! *[she vaporizes to join Patrick and SpongeBob]*

**Squidward:** Okay, I've seen enough. Let me out of this thing! *(He presses the button repeatedly and also disappears into the tank. He lands in a pixelated world, videogame music playing in the background.)* What's going on here? I... *(He's overshadowed by a nose with a mucus dripping out of it.)* Oh no. *[screams]*

*[Squidward sees a giant nose]*

**SpongeBob:** Squidward, don't make any sudden movements!

*[The nose sneezes germs and Squidward falls over, jumps quickly and runs]*

**Squidward:** Help! *[Screams]*

*[SpongeBob, Squidina and Patrick follow while they're being chased by germs, and Sandy enters the game]*

**All:** Help, Sandy!

**Sandy:** Sounds like them critters is in trouble! *[The nose catches SpongeBob, Squidina, Patrick and Squidward, and the germs block Sandy from getting to them]* Hold on, fellas! I'll be there soon, as soon as I send these critters to their doom! *[A title screen shows like a Nintendo game]*

*("Mission Start" flashes on the screen, and then "The Germ Warrior- Player 4 Start - Nickelodeon 1991". Sandy starts destroying the germs and sings a song.)*

**Sandy:** ♪Look out, germs. The end is near, Your days are numbered, 'cause Sandy's here! I'll get these germs, and make 'em pay, with some good old fashioned ka-rah-tay.♪ Hi-yah! ♪If I borrow some elements from the periodic table I can mix up a brew that is sure to disable any virus, bug, or sniffle that steps into my path. And make them feel my mi-cro-sco-pic wrath!♪ Hi-yah! *[she hits the nose with a submarine and defeats it, the rest of the gang gets saved, they all cheer, then the game says: "Game Over". Everyone is out of the machine]*

**LRH:** Well, shall we continue on with the rest of the tour?

**Sandy:** Y'all head out without me.

*[Sandy goes back in the machine again]*

**LRH:** Well then, good luck. Have fun. We'll see you at dinner. *[To SpongeBob]* Your friend Sandy certainly is an excitable one.

**SpongeBob:** Quite.

**Squidward:** Somehow I knew I'd get stuck with you yahoos the longest.

*[The camera zooms in to the heater vent where Plankton is hiding, Plankton chuckles]*

**Plankton:** ♪Oh, what a beautiful sight! Weapons as far as the eye can see. But which one will be right for me? How do I pick? Which one will do the trick? Which is best to guarantee eternal rest? So many weapons! How do I choose? Look at this one with a beautiful fuse! And with this one I couldn't lose. That one will surely give them the blues... And this one here matches my shoes!♪ *[serious tone]* Come on, Plankton, just pick one and forget about your shoes! Eeny, meeny, minie moe, I pick you, now let's go! *[jumps into a giant tank's gun. Scene cuts to LRH giving the tour]*

**Squidward:** This stuff is wonderful and all but when are we gonna see some real Atlantean culture?

**LRH:** Gentlemen, What is art?

**SpongeBob:** Oh, oh, I know, I know!

**Squidward:** *[shoves SpongeBob]* I thought you'd never ask! Art is the conscious arrangement of elements in a manner that affects a sense of beauty.

**LRH:** Not even close! *[Squidward looks shocked]* Art is what happens when you learn to dream. *[Gives SpongeBob a blue paint brush]* Go ahead. Dream a little.

*[SpongeBob touches the wall with the brush and the paint creates SpongeBob's house door]*

**SpongeBob:** It looks like my front door!

**LRH:** Behold! The Hall of Arts! *[He opens the door, they step in, and Squidward's mouth opens]*

**Squidward:** Incredible! *[cries]* The creativity! The artistry! *[Walks in front of a painting]* This painting is so realistic! It looks like you could step straight into it.

**LRH:** And you can! *[Throws Squidward into the painting]*

**SpongeBob and Squidina:** Whoa!

**Squidward:** This place is amazing!

*(Squidward starts jumping into different paintings, including knock-offs of famous paintings, paintings from "Artist Unknown", and an appearance of SpongeGar, Patar & Squog from "Ugh".)*

**Squidward:** ♪Isn't this great, isn't this neat, I'm a living work of art from my head to my feet! From the very first drawings on walls in caves, art has been what the heart and soul craves! So pick up a brush, a pencil or pen. If you don't like this one, paint it again! From now on please call me Sir Real. I can wait for your impression to congeal. Take it from an undersea renaissance man. I'd even look great on the side of your van! Any way you carve it, I am art and art is me. Ask your mama or your dada to tell you about the uh, schism. Between minimalism and cubism. My personality may be of the cynical type. But I've finally found something that lives up to the hype. I can say honestly and with great certainty, that Atlantis is where I want to spend eternity!♪ *[holds note. Scene cuts when Squidward's out of the painting]*

**Atlantean:** Hey, can you not sing? I'm trying to model here.

**Atlantean Painter:** Now hold on Nando. Why don't you take five. I'm really diggin' this squid's form.

*[The other Atlantean sighs and walks away]*

**Squidward:** Looks like I'll be here inspiring these Atlantean art makers with my beauty. You guys go on ahead!

**SpongeBob:** Okay. Bye, Squidward!

*[They leave and Squidward poses]*

**LRH:** Now this section of town is known for its advances in the science of fondue cooking.

**SpongeBob:** Excuse me, sir, this tour has been great and all, but uh, can we see the bubble now?

**Squidina:** Yeah. Pretty please?

**LRH:** Do excuse me. Most folks don't stay with the tour this long. Of course you can. But first, remember this. This bubble is over one million years old. *(As Lord Royal Highness talks, his face darkens. We see a picture of hundreds of Atlanteans carrying the bubble in a dome on a huge chariot. Planets are visible in the background, along with flying elephants with two trunks and one eye. The Atlanteans carry a flag and their leader points them onward. Lord Royal Highness keeps talking.)* It was brought here when the first Atlanteans colonized this place. Deftly hand carried over billions of light years from our home planet. It is our people's most beloved and treasured ancient relic. But most importantly remember to have fun! *[Points to where the bubble is, and they walk to the bubble]*

**SpongeBob:** There it is, Patrick!

**SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidina:** The World's Oldest Living Bubble!

*[They land on the safe keeping tube]*

**SpongeBob:** Look at it, Patrick! So ancient, so floaty. It is the most beautiful, wrinkled up, dusty old bubble I've ever seen!

**Patrick:** Like a delicate air raisin!

**Squidina:** You said it, big brother!

*[They slide off the glass]*

**LRH:** Now if you'll excuse me, I have to make ready for tonight's dinner. So I'm just going to leave you three friendly strangers alone with our most beloved ancient and fragile Atlantean relic. Join us in the dining hall when you've had an eye-full! *[leaves]*

**Squidina:** Thank you, Mr. Lord Royal Highness, sir. *[They shove their faces on the glass]*

**SpongeBob:** Just look at it, Patrick. Ah the stories this bubble could tell. I just wish we could get a closer look. *[They lean in but the glass moves]* Patrick! Get the--

**Patrick:** Oh, golly! Oh, I don't know how much longer I can hold this!

*[They managed to get the glass back after a close call when the bubble land on the glass on SpongeBob's side and bounces off without any harm, they laugh in victory]*

**SpongeBob:** Whoo, that was a close one buddy!

**Patrick:** Yeah! We almost popped the most prized possession of all Atlantis-eans! *[laughs]*

**SpongeBob:** Boy, that would have been out greatest blunder without a doubt! But we should go before something bad does happen.

**Patrick:** Ooh! Let's get a picture for our scrapbooks before we leave.

**SpongeBob:** Great idea, Patrick!

**Squidina:** Can I take a picture this time?

**Patrick:** Sure thing, Sis!

**SpongeBob and Patrick:** Cheese!

*[Squidina's camera flashes, and the bubble pops]*

**SpongeBob:** *[teeth closed]* Patrick, did you hear something?

**Patrick:** *[teeth closed]* A sort of a popping sound?

**SpongeBob:** Mmm-hmm.

*[They look at each other screaming and their skin peels off, and SpongeBob's eyes fall in his mouth. Scene cuts to the gang having dinner]*

**LRH:** So sorry I'm late. The tour ran a little long. So, how are you all enjoying our beloved city?

**Squidward:** I'm never leaving this place. I've learned more about painting in a few hours here than I did in four years of community college. *[Shows LRH a painting]*

**LRH:** Absolutely marvelous! And Eugene, I assume the hall of treasure was everything you hoped for? *[Mr. Krabs is brain-washed by the money and talks gibberish]* And Sandra, how did you find our laboratory?

**Sandy:** They are just amazing! I used your invention room to make this!

**LRH:** Splendid. What does it do?

**Sandy:** I'll show you. *[Presses a button, the food goes directly in her stomach and rubs it]* Now I can eat underwater without removing my helmet! This is just the beginning! I should have a cure for the common cold up and running by tomorrow afternoon with your high-tech lab!

*[SpongeBob, Squidina and Patrick walks in feeling nervous]*

**LRH:** SpongeBob, Squidina, Patrick, tell me. How did you enjoy our rarest and most prized possession?

**SpongeBob:** *[gulp]* We have to go back to Bikini Bottom now!

**All:** Huh?

**LRH:** Ahahaha! Come. Enjoy the best Atlantean cuisine has to offer before you leave.

*[SpongeBob, Squidina and Patrick shakes]*

**Squidward:** What is wrong with you three morons?

**SpongeBob:** We have to go home now!

**Squidward:** Why would you want to leave a paradise like Atlantis?

**SpongeBob:** Because, uh, The Snailtales misses me?

*(Cut back to Bikini Bottom, where Gary, Snellie and Lary had their snail friends over, all partying in SpongeBob's living room with over-turned furniture and slime streaks across the walls. Back at Atlantis...)*

**Patrick and Squidina:** We destroyed your most prized possession! *[Covers mouths]*

**LRH:** *[pauses]* *[laughs]* If there's one thing we Atlanteans enjoy, it's a healthy dose of dark humor!

**SpongeBob:** It's not a joke, we burst the bubble!

*[Sandy and Squidward gasped]*

**LRH:** *[laughs]* That's not the real bubble. It's just a prop for the tourists. This is the real deal. *[Holds up the real bubble in a bottle]*

**SpongeBob, Squidina and Patrick:** Ooh!

*[Squidina takes a picture of the bubble and the bubble finally pops]*

**LRH:** *[snarls]* Summon the Atlantean Royal Guard! *[The guards come and grunt, SpongeBob, Squidina and Patrick shakes in fear for what they've done]* Seize these hostile bubble poppers! *[SpongeBob, Squidina and Patrick scream and Squidward and Mr. Krabs join them]*

**Sandy:** Don't just stand there! Move! *[She pushes the gang, the guards attack with a trident, pickaxe, and mace]*

**Mr. Krabs:** Can't you go any faster Sandy?

**Sandy:** Maybe, if y'all use your feet!

**Mr. Krabs:** Never mind! Just keep doing what you're doing!

*[Sandy groans, the guards shoot clear balls at them, Sandy throws Patrick like a boomerang, Patrick hits the wall]*

**Sandy:** Come on, Patrick! *[She grabs Patrick, the guards shoot and Sandy uses SpongeBob as a shield]*

**SpongeBob:** *[laughs]* That tickles!

**Sandy:** Hang in there, little buddy! *[she uses Squidward's tentacles to grab the shooting balls, and fires the balls at the guards by pulling Squidward's nose. Then, she uses Mr. Krabs and he uses his claws to knock the guards out of the way]*

**LRH:** Don't let them get away!

*[The guards follow the gang outside the building, but they all see Plankton's giant tank, Plankton aims at them while laughing diabolically. Fade to black. Patchy reappears]*

**Patchy:** *[realizes that there is no water left]* This is the end of patchy. No water, no food, and still no Encino. And here come the vultures the pick me bones! *[Potty flies up]* Shiver me timbers! It's Potty! I wonder what parrot tastes like... Come back here! Uh-oh. Here come the hallucinations.

**SpongeBob:** *[laughs]* Patchy, it's me. SpongeBob SquarePants. *[Patchy is excited and laughs weakly]* Don't lose hope. Everything will be all right when you get to Encino.

**Patchy:** But, Encino is gone.

**SpongeBob:** It's not gone, if you believe.

**Patchy:** Believe, believe. *[falls asleep. Wakes up and reads the sign]* Welcome to Encino! It's back! *[hugs the sign]* SpongeBob was right! All I had to do was believe! *[laughs cheerfully]*

♪You got to believe. It was out of sight. You got to believe. I'm back in Encino. You got to believe. Everything's all right. The sky above, and the ground below. Bring me back into Encino. It was lost, some time ago, I'm just glad to be back home. You got to believe. I'm back in Encino. You got to believe. Everything's all right. You got to believe. I'm back in Encino. You got to believe. Everything's all right.♪

*[Patchy is shown playing an instrumental by a man and woman at a bench, annoying them and making the latter's baby cry. They walk away as the chorus joins back in]*

♪You got to believe. I'm back in Encino. You got to believe. Everything's all right. You got to believe. I'm back in Encino. You got--♪

**Patchy:** *[drops his ice-cream scoop and we hear strange sounds. Potty squawks, and then pokes Patchy]* Ow! Ow! It was all a hallucination. Encino's still... gone! *[Patchy groans]* Ooh, a sandwich. Potty, you're a lifesaver. *[opens a sandwich]* Oh! Oh, Potty, you know I don't like mayo! *[sees a vulture]* Here, you want some? Go on. Take it. You know, I don't like the mayonnaise, you know. You know, when it gets above 130, 135, it gets kind of grody, you know.

*[cuts to the gang standing in front of the tank]*

**Plankton:** *[laughs diabolically]* Cower to me, fools! I have commandeered the most powerful weapon in the Atlantean arsenal! Now bow before the new king of Atlantis and prepare to taste my wrath! *[He stomps on the switch, and the switch didn't budge]* Yeah! Huh? Uh, uh I mean, uh, prepare to taste my wrath! *[He stomps on the switch rapidly harder, but it still didn't budge]* Oh, you! *[Grabs a rock while struggling]* Prepare to taste my wrath! *[Throws the rock on the switch, and the switch budged]*

**Computer:** Launch sequence deployed! *[The tank shakes and Plankton laughs diabolically, everyone gasps and they hold onto each other. The tank shoots out ice cream and a cow's moo is heard, and SpongeBob, Squidina and Patrick start eating ice cream]*

**Patrick:** Plankton's wrath tastes like ice cream.

**SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidina:** Thanks, Plankton!

**Plankton:** Ice cream? It shoots ice cream?! *[Plankton jumps out of the tank]* Oversized ice cream maker! *[Kicks the tank]* Yah! Ouch! Ow!

**LRH:** Look! A talking speck! This talking speck will make a fantastic *[looks at SpongeBob, Squidina and Patrick]* replacement for our recently deflated national treasure! *[Looks at Plankton]* *[Babyish tone]* Won't you little fella?

**Plankton:** I'll destroy all of you-- *[LRH squeezes him]*

**LRH:** Amazing! This is so much better than that dusty old bubble!

*[Plankton is in the baby bottle cage]*

**Plankton:** You haven't seen the last of me! When I get out of here I'll hunt you all down like a pack of-- *[someone takes a picture]* Hey! Can't you read? *[Points at sign]* No flash photography!

*[The gang is getting on the van]*

**LRH:** So nice to meet you all. I hope you have a safe journey back home. And do come back any time.

**SpongeBob:** So long. And thanks for the tour.

*[Everyone is in, and LRH closes the door, he takes the amulet off the van and gives it to a guard]*

**LRH:** Dispose of this quickly. We can't survive anymore visitors like these.

**Guard:** *[salutes]* Sir, yes, sir!

*[He runs to the dumpster and throws the amulet in there, LRH waves goodbye as they go off]*

**LRH:** I thought sponges were supposed to make life easier.

*[Scene cuts to the bus. Everyone is feeling sad, except SpongeBob]*

**SpongeBob:** ♪Goodbye, Atlantis. But we really have to go. Back to a little town, that is the greatest place I know-oh-oh-oh-oh! Back to Bikini Bottom! I can hardly wait!♪

**Mr. Krabs:** ♪But what about the treasure? It was really great!♪

**SpongeBob:** ♪I love Bikini Bottom! It's where The Snailtales are!♪

**Sandy:** ♪But Atlantis had that science stuff at which I was a whiz!♪

**SpongeBob:** ♪Soon I'll see the Krusty Krab. Where I'm happily employed!♪

**Squidina:** ♪But Atlantis had the oldest bubble which I cruelly destroyed!♪

**SpongeBob:** ♪You can't beat Bikini Bottom! No place is so nice!♪

**Squidward:** ♪But Atlantis was a fabulous, artistic paradise!♪

**SpongeBob:** ♪Sorry, Squidward. But it's the end of our Atlantean vacation!♪

**Squidward:** ♪And back to my depressing life of quiet desperation.♪

**SpongeBob:** ♪Goodbye, Atlantis. We're Bikini Bottom bound!♪

**Squidward:** ♪Please turn this bus around!♪

**SpongeBob:** ♪We had our fun!♪

**Patrick:** ♪We sure did!♪

**SpongeBob:** ♪But now we're done.♪

**Sandy:** ♪And I'm bummed.♪

**SpongeBob:** ♪We're on our way!♪

**Sandy:** ♪Can't we stay?♪

**SpongeBob:** ♪So now we say goodbye!♪

**Mr. Krabs:** I think I'm gonna cry!

**Patrick:** Me too! \**[He, Squidina and Mr. Krabs start sobbing hysterically.]*

**SpongeBob:** ♪Goodbye, Atlantis. We're Bikini Bottom bound. There's no place like home!♪

**Mr. Krabs:** There's no place like Atlantis!

**SpongeBob:** ♪I can't wait to get home.♪

**Mr. Krabs:** I don't wanna go back!

**SpongeBob:** ♪We're Bikini Bottom bound!♪

**Sandy:** Please don't make us leave!

**SpongeBob:** ♪We're Bikini Bottom bound!♪

**Squidward:** Stop saying that!

**SpongeBob:** ♪I even love the sound!♪

**All:** ♪Goodbye Atlantis! Boo hoo♪

**SpongeBob:** ♪Bikini Bottom is the greatest place to be! I can--♪

**All:** ♪Goodbye Atlantis!♪ *[fades to black, then Patchy reappears]*

**Patchy:** Pretty good story, eh, kids? *[Steps on something, which happens to be Encino]* I found Encino. *[Realized it's been shrunken]* But it's all tiny! Somebody must have... *[Sees a big blue beam while he cries out in shock, and three aliens appear]*

**Norbluckfive's mother:** Sorry, sir. Our son Norbluckfive was messing with his shrink-a-tron again.

**Patchy:** No, no, no, no! I want Encino full size again! There's no place like home! There's no place like home!

**Norbluckfive's mother:** Okay, hand it over, Norbluckfive. *[Norbluckfive pulls out a remote and gives it to his mother]* We'll fix your town, Beardy.

**Patchy:** Beardy? *[Then, Norbluckfive's mother pushes the button, causing a huge tornado to be created with Patchy in it yelling. Cuts to Patchy's house]* Well, Look's like everything's back to the right size, eh, Potty? *[Wonders where Potty is]* Potty?

**Potty:** Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! *[Stomps on Patchy]*

**Patchy:** Owww! Well, kids, I'm a little busy right now, but, be sure to come back real soon for more of your old pal Patchy! Ow! And more SpongeBob SquarePants and the Snailtales! Potty, will you get off of me?! *[SpongeBob laughs]*

[MYSTERY DUNGEON EXPLORERS OF TIME AND DARKNESS THEME MUSIC]

Title: "SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS AND THE SNAILTALES"

Starring Gary the Snail

Snellie the Purebred Snail

Lary the Grumpy Snail

Together these three snails are slithering straight, down and up and then they fell into the sky until they are saved by a bunch of jellyfish. Also featuring these characters; SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Squidward Tentacles, Sandy Cheeks, Pearl Krabs, Mrs. Puff, Larry the Lobster, Plankton, Karen and Eugene H. Krabs. Cut to Gary, Snellie and Lary coming across the hot lava inside the volcano, coming across the waterfalls and slithering towards the rain forest by carrying umbrellas covering over their heads. And last but not least Gary, Snellie and Lary slithering up way fast toward the rock mountain climb and see the view of the Bikini Bottom as we end the theme music.

Episode Title: "Money Talks"

*[At the Krusty Krab.]*

**SpongeBob:** May I help you, sir?

**Orange customer:** I'd like that table over by the window. *[points to the table behind him where Mary and Old Man Walker are sitting]*

**SpongeBob:** As soon as the present customers are done with it. They like to chew their food thoroughly.

**Mary:** 97... 98... 99...

**Old Man Walker:** Don't rush me, woman!

**Orange customer:** Perhaps this will speed up the process. *[shows him some money]*

**SpongeBob:** How will that help them chew faster?

**Mr. Krabs:** SpongeBob, what's the problem?

**SpongeBob:** No problem, I was just telling this customer he needed to wait for his favorite table.

**Orange customer:** Five bucks if I get the table now. *[Mr. Krabs kicks out Mary and Old Man Walker]*

**Mary:** Ow, my hip.

**Mr. Krabs:** Enjoy your meal. Let me know if you need anything else.

**SpongeBob:** Why did you give him the table?

**Mr. Krabs:** You know what they say: "Money Talks."

**SpongeBob:** I didn't know money could talk. Did it tell you to kick those old people out? *[talking to money]* What do you have against old people?

**Mr. Krabs:** Don't go goofy on me, boy. Money can't really talk. Only fish can talk.

**SpongeBob:** Wouldn't it be neat if money could talk?

**Mr. Krabs:** *[chuckles]* Yeah. Wait a minute...

**Squidward:** What's that music?

**SpongeBob:** I think Mr. Krabs is gonna sing.

**Squidward:** Oh, great.

**Mr. Krabs:** ♪If I could talk to money, how great my life would be. We'd tell each other secrets, all their friends would visit me. I'd bathe in filthy riches, which is clean enough for me. Oh, if you could tell me what you want, how happy we would be. We'd surely be the best of friends, we'd never disagree. There wouldn't be a downside, not one that I could see. If I could talk to money, come along, sing with me.♪

**Squidward:** Uh, no thanks, I got to go.

**SpongeBob:** I really have to pee.

**Mr. Krabs:** ♪If I could talk to money, and it could talk to me. We'd always be the best of friends, for all eternity.♪ *[Mr. Krabs chortles]*

**Patrick:** *[comes out of the bathroom]* What did I miss?

**Mr. Krabs:** ♪Oh...♪ *[all mumbling and muttering]* ♪If I could talk to money, how great my life...♪ *[cuts to Mr. Krabs' house outside then inside]* Parlez vous Francais? Hable Español? Ou-yay eak-spay ig-pay atin-lay? Mm-hmm. Maybe this will make you talk. Talk! You're being too hard on the little guy. You can talk to me. I'm your friend. *[cries]* I would give anything to talk to money. Anything!

**Flying Dutchman:** Anything?

**Mr. Krabs:** You?

**Flying Dutchman:** That's right. 'Tis I, the ominous Flying Dutchman. I'll grant your wish, but it'll cost you.

**Mr. Krabs:** Yeah, yeah, my immortal soul. I've heard that speech before. *[signs contract]*

**Flying Dutchman:** Wha...? Well, uh, great. But be warned!

**Mr. Krabs:** Yeah, yeah, skip the lecture. I want what's coming to me.

**Flying Dutchman:** Humph, you're no fun at all, you know that?

**Mr. Krabs:** Hey, is that pixie dust? *[the Dutchman throws the dust into Mr. Krabs’ eyes. Mr. Krabs screams and runs around]* Whew, that was a strange dream.

**Nickel:** You think that was a strange dream? I dreamt I was trapped in a prison made of peanut butter.

**Mr. Krabs:** Who said that?

**Nickel:** Down here.

**Mr. Krabs:** Hey, it's a nickel. What were you doing in my belly button, little fella?

**Nickel:** I got stuck in there during your last coin shower. *[shudders]* I don't want to talk about it.

**Mr. Krabs:** *[takes his wallet and takes out a five-dollar bill]* Do you have anything to say to me?

**Dollar Bill:** *[Looks at Mr. Krabs decayed teeth]* Yeah, when was the last time you brushed your teeth?

**Mr. Krabs:** It worked! I can talk to money. Oh...

**Nickel:** *[cuts Mr. Krabs off]* Please, don't start singing again. *[cut to Krusty Krab, the next day]*

**Mr. Krabs:** Don't worry, darlings. Soon you'll be rejoined with all your friends. *[kisses his money]*

**Mary:** Oh, my, why don't you kiss me like that?

**Old Man Walker:** Don't start.

**Squidward:** That'll be five dollars. *[puts money in register]*

**Five-Dollar Bill:** It is fun.

**Money:** Run, jump! Jump out! Jump out! *[Squidward looks at the money before Mr. Krabs closes the register and chuckles]*

**Mr. Krabs:** *[opens up his safe]* Good morning, my darlings.

**Money:** Good morning, Mr. Krabs.

**Mr. Krabs:** You're coming home with me.

**Money:** Yay!

**Mr. Krabs:** SpongeBob, I did it. I can talk to money. *[shows him a bag of money]* Go ahead, say hello.

**SpongeBob:** Hello... money.

**Mr. Krabs:** *[laughs]* Oh, aren't they a riot? *[walks out the Krusty Krab]*

**SpongeBob:** I'm starting to worry about Mr. Krabs.

**Squidward:** I'm worried he just left with my paycheck. *[cut to Mr. Krabs' house where he's on the floor with his money]*

**Mr. Krabs:** Now that we're alone, let's tell each other secrets.

**One-Dollar:** What kind of secrets are you talking about?

**Dime:** Yeah, we live in a safe.

**Money:** Yeah!

**Mr. Krabs:** You have any friends you can invite over?

**One-Dollar:** Aren't we enough for you?

**Dime:** What's wrong with us?

**Money:** Yeah!

**Mr. Krabs:** Nothing, nothing. You guys are great. I thought you guys might want some company, you know, to make you happy.

**Money:** Why don't you ask what would make us happy?

**Mr. Krabs:** Okay, so how can I make you happy?

**Money:** Spend us!

**Mr. Krabs:** What?

**Dime:** We're money. It's in our nature.

**One-Dollar:** I've been trapped in that safe for eight years. I always wanted to be spent on a fairy princess outfit.

**Mr. Krabs:** What? No way.

**Ten-Dollar:** I want to be spent on corn dogs.

**Five-Dollar:** I want to be spent on diapers.

**Money:** Yeah, yeah, me too.

**Mr. Krabs:** Oh, wait a minute. I am not spending you on corn dogs, diapers, or fairy princess outfits. *[cut to the mall]*

**Clerk:** Did you find everything okay?

**Mr. Krabs:** *[dressed up in the outfits that the money were talking about]* Unfortunately.

**Money:** All right! *[Mr. Krabs cries]*

**SpongeBob:** *[he walks up wearing a blue-purple fairy princess outfit. He also eats a corn dog. Under his outfit he has a diaper]* Mr. Krabs, lookin' good. *[Mr. Krabs screams and runs away]*

**Patrick:** *[he's dressed in a dark green princess outfit and also has on a diaper as he eats his corn dog]* What's wrong with Mr. Krabs?

**SpongeBob:** I don't know. He's acting kind of weird. *[cut back to Mr. Krabs' house, at dusk]*

**Money:** *[moaning]* Spend us. Spend us.

**Mr. Krabs:** I can't spend all of you. And none of you want to be spent on stuff I want.

**Money:** Spend us.

**Mr. Krabs:** Ah, you're all shallow and self-absorbed. What did I ever see in you?

**Money:** Spend us.

**Mr. Krabs:** I'm not listening.

**Money:** Spend us.

**Mr. Krabs:** I'm not... *[knock on door]* SpongeBob?

**SpongeBob:** *[back in his everyday clothes]* Hi, Mr. Krabs. I just came by to make sure you weren't, you know, totally insane.

**Mr. Krabs:** *[chuckles as he has bloodshot eyes]* Take this bag as far away as possible and bury it. *[closes door then nervously chuckles]* Ah! What have I done? *[opens door]* Give me that back! *[takes the bag of money back and closes door again]*

**SpongeBob:** Okay, glad you're not insane. *[he walks off. Cut to later]*

**Mr. Krabs:** *[he has a 5 o'clock shadow]* Dutchman, you cheated me. Take this horrible curse away! *[weeps]* I want a refund.

**Flying Dutchman:** All sales are final from the Flying Dutchman, especially for a selfish shellfish like yourself. Try saying that three times fast. Your soul's going into me fanny pack of despair. *[Mr. Krabs squeals in horror]* Now pay up. Huh? *[He pulls a paper out of Mr. Krabs' pants]* An I.O.U. *[I Owe You]*?

**Mr. Krabs:** Hehe, yeah, well, I sort of sold my soul already.

**Flying Dutchman:** What? To who?

**Mr. Krabs:** To those guys.

**Monster:** We were here first, pops.

**Monster #2:** We've all got a claim on Krabs' soul.

**Monster:** Get to the back of the line.

**Mr. Krabs:** Now, now, I'm sure we can sort this out.

*[The Flying Dutchman gets to the back of the line. He sees Gary, Snellie and Lary in the line.]*

**Flying Dutchman:** You too, Snailtales?

**Gary:** He was five bucks short on payday. *[Flying Dutchman sighs in disappointment]*

Episode Title: "Snailtales Vs. The Patty Gadget"

*[A book entitled "The Legend of SpongeBob and the Snailtales" is on a wooden type platform.]*

**Patchy:** Ahoy, mateys! Today I'll be spinning a tale you won't soon forget. *[book opens and shows a chapter called "Snailtales vs. The Patty Gadget"]* It's called "SpongeBob and the Snailtales Vs. The Patty Gadget". Now, SpongeBob was workin', his eye on the grill, 'til he heard a sharp sound that gave him a chill.

**SpongeBob:** What's going on? What could it mean?

**Patchy:** Wow, it's a deep-fry patty cookin' machine! *[a round, metal machine comes through the doors]* And hiding behind it, who do we see? None other than Squidward and his bad face acne. *[zoom in on Squidward's zits on his face]*

**Squidward:** Hey!

**Mr. Krabs:** What's is this contraption you've hauled into me place?

**Squidward:** A miracle, a marvel! It'll cook Krabby Patties at a fabulous pace!

**Mr. Krabs:** But how are the patties? I mean, how do they taste?

**Squidward:** I'll let you try one. Shove this in your face. *[hands Mr. Krabs a Krabby Patty]*

**Mr. Krabs:** *[eats it]* I have to admit, that patty was yummy, though it sits like a rock when it lands in me tummy. But I've got me a fry cook, and he's always on time.

**Squidward:** Ah, but this gizmo is faster, and you won't pay it a dime.

**Mr. Krabs:** Your machine sounds delightful. But how much does it cost?

**Squidward:** Hmm, just fire SpongeBob and his snails and tell them, "Get lost!" *[SpongeBob, Gary, Snellie and Lary are staring from the kitchen window]*

**Patchy:** The machine wanted his job to make SpongeBob and his snails quit. But SpongeBob and his snails didn't like it. No, not one bit. Pushing his grill, SpongeBob and the Snailtales burst through the door.

**Gary, Snellie and Lary:** *[they and SpongeBob pushes the grill out of the kitchen]* We challenge your gadget! We declare patty war!

**Patchy:** With three little words, Krabs started the show. Flag raised in the air, he cried...

**Mr. Krabs:** Ready, set, go!

**Patchy:** Quick as a flash, Squidward pulled the big lever, and sat back and watched feeling oh so quite clever. SpongeBob, with spatula held tight in his fist, flung twenty patties, not a single one missed. *[SpongeBob throws twenty patties on the grill]* The crowd was impressed.

**Sandy:** Wow!

**Patchy:** They cheered full of glee! All except Patrick, who had to go pee. *[everyone cheers except Patrick, who is wiggling a lot]* A noise and a clatter came from the machine, and out popped the patties in a burst of hot steam. The gadget was fast, its first batch completed, but Gary, Snellie and Lary yelled out...

**Gary, Snellie and Lary:** We won't be defeated!

**Patchy:** They took in some air. SpongeBob and his snails swelled their physique. Then dozens of patties filled up their cheeks. *[SpongeBob, Gary, Snellie and Lary breathes in so hard that a bag of patties flies into their mouths]* They strained and they sweated. They summoned their will, and shot Krabby Patties right onto the grill!

**Squidward:** Not bad!

**Patchy:** Yelled out Squidward.

**Squidward:** A really good try. But let's see how you do against my machine set on high! *[pulls down the machine lever to set it on high]*

**Patchy:** The gizmo, it shuddered, it clattered, it shook! And as Squidward laughed:

**Squidward:** Ha-ha!

**Patchy:** Sandy said...

**Sandy:** What a schnook!

**Patchy:** But SpongeBob and his snails cried out...

**SpongeBob, Gary, Snellie and Lary:** We won't lose to that thing!

**Patchy:** Then they raised up two spatulas and leapt like a spring. Their hands were a blur, the patties went flying. They fried up a hundred without even trying. Squidward was worried, SpongeBob and his snails couldn't be beat!

**Squidward:** I got one last chance, I'll turn up the heat!

**Patchy:** He struggled and strained 'til his face turned dark blue. Then the lever moved forward and broke right in two! The gadget buckled and sparked, it cracked like a gun. So Squidward took off, yelling...

**Squidward:** *[runs out of the Krusty Krab]* Let me know if I've won!

**Patchy:** Lightning flew from its maw, it looked ready to burst. But SpongeBob and his snails, still standing, yelled...

**SpongeBob, Gary, Snellie and Lary:** Foul beast, do your worst!

**Patchy:** The patties came flying, by twos and by threes, by dozens, by hundreds, oh, it was something to see! Aye, that machine, it was fast, but SpongeBob was faster. He proved to that thing that he was its master! *[patty gadget blows up]* The gadget blew into bits and died with a boom. The blast was so loud, it woke King Neptune! *[King Neptune is in his bed, asleep, with a teddy bear, until he hears the boom]*

**King Neptune:** *[mumbles]* What was that? *[cut back to the Krusty Krab]*

**Patchy:** It was all over, finished and done. With his head held up high, SpongeBob and his snails knew they had won. The crowd yelled, "Hooray, Squidward's name is now mud!" But as they were cheering, SpongeBob, Gary, Snellie and Lary fell with a thud. *[SpongeBob, Gary, Snellie and Lary falls over. SpongeBob lets go of his spatula. The crowd gasps. Cut to a grave, where Sandy, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward are standing in front of it. The three leave the scene, while Squidward walks up to the grave.]* The service was short, tears shed with regret. Squidward, it seemed, was the one most upset. *[Squidward cries, sets flowers over the grave, then walks away. Then, SpongeBob, Gary, Snellie and Lary walks up to the grave]*

**SpongeBob, Gary, Snellie and Lary:** Whoo! Yeah! *[dances cheerfully]*

**Patchy:** What's that? You thought SpongeBob and his snails were buried down there? They just buried the gadget! Ha-ha! This I swear! *[pan below the dirt where we see the patty gadget underground. The storybook closes]* Well, that ends me tale, straight from the book. Now I gotta go and polish me hook!

Episode Title: "Slimy Dancing"

*[The episode starts at Squidward’s house. Squidward is building a trophy case]*

**Squidward:** Well, Squidward, ol' boy, all that's left is to go win that dancing trophy and give it a home. After all, nobody ever worked harder to get it than you. *[flashback to him dancing with some other fish]* All those years of training with the masters. Your tireless effort to keep your instrument supple. *[flashback to him getting his legs twisted and stretched]* Not to mention your weekly thigh waxing. *[pulls some hair off his leg as a scream is heard]* And now, it's time to go get it. So, let's do it. Whoo...! *[runs out of his house and into a bar of bamboo]*

**Patrick:** Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk. Want to give me a ruling, Snailtales?

**Gary:** Sorry, Squidward, you got to go lower to win.

**Squidward:** What? What are you four doing?

**Snellie:** We're limbo dancing to get ready for the dance-a-thon auditions.

**Patrick:** We're gonna win the trophy.

**Squidward:** Ha. The four of you? Don't make me laugh. Come here... see that? That's where the trophy's going. *[shows them the trophy case]*

**Gary:** You built us a trophy case for when we win? *[both Gary, Snellie, Lary and Patrick hug Squidward]* Oh, you are a true friend.

**Snellie:** How can we ever thank you?

**Lary:** Yeah. That was really nice.

**Squidward:** No, you twits. I built that trophy case for me when I win. I'm going to ace the tryouts today, and then I'm going to the finals tomorrow and win the trophy. I am going forth to meet my destiny. Good-bye. *[runs out but runs into the limbo bar again]*

**Patrick:** Ruling, Snailtales?

**Gary:** I think we better raise the bar. *[cut to the tryouts where Squidward sits down on the bench]*

**Gary, Snellie and Lary:** Hiya, Squidward!

**Squidward:** Oh, great. The three dancing snails. Just ignore them, Squidward.

**Female:** *[over loudspeaker]* Contestants 6, 7 and 8 to the stage, please.

**Gary:** We're up, guys. Wish us luck, Squidward.

**Squidward:** Do I know you?

**Snellie:** *[laughs]* You kidder. Let's go, guys.

**Squidward:** Poor boobs, they don't stand a chance. *[laughs]*

**Lary:** Well, see you at the finals tomorrow, Squidward.

**Squidward:** You actually got in?

**Gary, Snellie and Lary:** Yep.

**Squidward:** Humph, if those three nitwits made it then I'm a shoo-in.

**Female:** *[over loudspeaker]* Contestant 53 to the stage, please.

**Squidward:** Look out, dancing world, here comes your future. Music, please. *[does weird dance moves as the judges look at each other weirdly]*

**Judge:** Next.

**Squidward:** Excuse me?

**Judge:** You're done. You know, next contestant. You didn't *[Squidward is confused]* make the cut, sorry, Mac.

**Squidward:** But, but, but, but, you don't understand. I already build a trophy case with the cutest little plaque. *[grabs the trophy]* If I could just touch it...

**Judge:** Hey!

**Squidward:** But I, hey... Unhand me, you brutes. *[gets kicked out]* Ah! *[cut to Squidward crying into his house and walking into a limbo bar again]*

**Patrick:** Snailtales?

**Gary:** You're just not getting into the spirit of this thing, Squidward.

**Squidward:** Doh, help me up.

**Snellie:** How'd the audition go, Squidward?

**Squidward:** *[gets choked up]* The audition? My trophy? *[sobs uncontrollably]* I mean, uh, uh, yeah, the audition. *[chuckles]* Evidently, I'm such a great dancer that I've been banned from the competition for life.

**Patrick:** Whoa.

**Lary:** Impressive. *[gasps]* Hey, Squidward, would you be our coach for the finals?

**Squidward:** What? I've got better thinks to do than help you three snails.

**Patrick:** Like polishing your empty trophy case?

**Squidward:** Fine. But I keep the trophy when we win, deal?

**Gary, Snellie, Lary and Patrick:** Deal.

**Squidward:** Okay. Show me what you got, Patrick.

**Patrick:** Okay, here I go. Watch me now. *[goes under the limbo stick but gets a butt cramp before going all the way through]* Cramp! *[screams and rolls around. Squidward opens the door and Patrick rolls outside]*

**Squidward:** Well, I guess that just leaves you, Snailtales. Show me your stuff. Ready, and... *[turns on some music. Gary, Snellie and Lary laughs and does their tap dancing with their snail feet all around the room. Squidward grabs their shells]* Having fun?

**Gary:** Yes, yes we are.

**Snellie:** We love to dance.

**Lary:** Yeah. It's so much fun.

**Squidward:** dancing isn't supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be art... *[yelling]* and art is suffering! Now, we'll start with some ballet. Watch my feet and follow my lead. Ready, and...plié. *[Gary, Snellie, Lary and Squidward bend their knees]* Relevé. *[twirl around on their toes]* And now grand jeté. *[Squidward slips on the limbo stick. He is now in somewhere dark]* Oh, where am I? See if I can find the lights. *[turns on the light and sees a giant Gary face. Squidward's head is stuck inside Gary's body. Gary, Snellie, Lary and Squidward scream as Squidward runs around]* Wait a minute. *[feels around]* This gives me an idea. *[Squidward's body is now inside Gary's Shell]* Ready, Snailtales?

**Gary, Snellie and Lary:** *[salutes]* Ready!

**Squidward:** A one and a two, and... *[Gary, Snellie and Lary dances]* Plié, jeté, relevé- *[Gary, Snellie and Lary's legs get tangled in a knot]* No, no, no. This will never work. You've got two left feet.

**Gary:** *[takes off two pairs of his left bare feet]* How'd you know? *[he wiggles both of his left pair of toes on both his feet]*

**Squidward:** Give me those. *[takes Gary, Snellie and Lary's legs and puts his own legs through Gary's feet, and share some of his legs with Snellie's feet and Lary's feet]* That's better. Okay, let's go. Snailtales, what are you doing? *[Gary, Snellie and Lary's snail arms are in the air wiggling]* Why are you moving your arms like that?

**Snellie:** *[laughs]* I guess they're happy.

**Squidward:** *[groans]* Hand 'em over. *[Gary, Snellie and Lary hands Squidward one of their snail arms]* And the other one, come on. *[Squidward breaks off the other one then uses his arms as Gary's and share some of his arms with Snellie's and Lary's arms]* Ah, now that's more like it.

**Gary:** Gee, Squidward, with your arms and legs doing all the work, We're not really doing anything. I think we should help.

**Squidward:** Are you questioning my leadership?

**Lary:** Well, we just...

**Squidward:** Okay, hand it over. *[Gary, Snellie and Lary hands their mouths to Squidward]*

**Gary, Snellie and Lary:** You know what, Squidward?

**Squidward:** What?

**Gary, Snellie and Lary:** I think we're suffering for our art now. *[cut to the dance recital where Pilar is already dancing]*

**Lary:** Good gravy. Get a load of the talent here.

**Squidward:** Oh, please. Just wait until you see my brilliant moves.

*[Pilar who is dancing falls on his face. The crowd gasps as the judges give him a total score of 5. The next dancer is a whale balancing a ball on its head. The judges total score is 23.5. The next dancer is a giant sea horse, then a dancer who can balance coins on his arms while jumping up and down. The judges score him a 29.5]*

**Gary:** Oh my goodness. We are honored to be in the presence of such divine talent. *[He, Snellie and Lary bows down with Squidward's body parts]*

**Squidward:** Quit groveling. Where is your dignity? *[gets Gary, Snellie and Lary up and slaps them]* These losers are here to worship us. I mean me. By the end of the night, I'll have them on their knees just begging for more.

**Female:** *[over loudspeaker]* Now that's what I like to call a hard act to follow. Next up, we have Gary the Snail and his snail-friends Snellie and Lary. *[the crowd cheers as Squidward's legs along with Gary, Snellie and Lary walks onto the stage]*

**Frank:** Oh, man. I can't wait. I am so stoked on dancing right now.

**Gary:** Now, before we begin, let me just thank you all for coming out tonight. *[Squidward grabs Gary's mouth]*

**Squidward:** Will you please stop it and let my dancing do the talking? *[dances]*

**Snellie:** Wow, Squidward, the crowd's gone silent.

**Squidward:** Of course they have. They are in the presence of a true artiste.

**Frank:** What's he doing?

**Nat:** Is he hurt?

**Nathiel:** I don't know, man, but it's hurting my eyes.

**Clay:** I think I'm gonna be sick. *[throws up]*

**Lary:** Uh, Squidward?

**Squidward:** Ha. If they think that's good, wait till they see... *[gets a knot in his leg and screams]* Cramp! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! *[he starts hopping around and then he bounces around on the floor on his head while everyone leaves. Fred, who was asleep, wakes up and is about to walk out the door. All grumbling and leaving, except blue man]*

**Fred:** Hey, guys, wait up. Huh? What's this? *[sees Gary, Snellie and Lary dancing]* That's kind of nice. Hey guys, come check this out.

*[Squidward continues to roll and move around crazily in pain. He then grabs his leg and pulls it inside]*

**Squidward:** Must finish dance... on other... *[gets another cramp in the other leg. Screams and puts his other leg inside]*

**Gary:** Um, Squidward, is this part of the act?

**Squidward:** *[screams]* The pain! *[crowd cheers and throws flower onto the stage]*

**Judge #2:** By unanimous decision, we have a winner.

**Squidward:** *[gasps]* Mine! *[grabs the trophy and hugs it]* I won, I won!

**Judge #2:** Never before have I seen such zest, such joie de vivre.

**Gary:** Oh, thank you, you're too kind. But we couldn't have done it without a very special someone. *[grabs Squidward]*

**Squidward:** Wait, Snailtales, no! *[is pulled out from Gary's Shell]*

**Judge #2:** The rulebook clearly states "A single dancer must perform without any further assistance from a partner." Therefore, you're the winner. *[hands trophy to coin balancing dancer]*

**Fish #6:** Oh man, the jig's up, Pedro. We're going home. *[rips his wig in half and shows Pedro inside of it]*

**Pedro:** It's all right, I'll go call a taxi.

**Judge #2:** Merciful Neptune. Are there any more cheaters?

**Fish #7:** *[takes off the sea horse costume]* Ah, crud, we're two dancers.

**Scottish Octopus:** We're nine dancers, actually. *[lifts his kilt up to show 8 little ones around his legs]*

**Pilar:** *[takes Frank out of his pants]* Does this count?

**Judge #2:** Isn't there a single dancer here who is not assisted by a partner?

**Judge:** Uh, what about number 52 over there? *[Patrick is moving around on the ground screaming]*

**Judge #2:** Is he alone?

**Judge:** Well, let me see. *[looks inside Patrick's mouth]* Why, yes, he is a single dancer.

**Judge #2:** Oh, well, then. I guess he wins. *[Patrick screams some more as everyone else, except Squidward cheers]*

**Gary:** We love your new dance, Patrick.

**Snellie:** You even got a trophy.

**Lary:** Won't your sister and your family of stars be proud.

**Patrick:** Thanks.

**French Narrator:** Epilogue.

**Norma:** Tommy? I've got a fresh load of laundr- *[screams as she thinks Tommy is having a seizure on the floor]* Tommy! Oh! Oh, dear me, no! *[dials phone numbers]* Hello, it's an emergency! My son! He's-

**Tommy:** *[scoffs]* Mom, calm down. *[stops music]* I'm just doing "The Cramp"!

**Norma:** *[hangs up phone]* Oh, oh, you kids and your crazy dance fads. *[she laughs and is soon joined by Gary, Snellie, Lary, Squidina, Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward]*

**Patrick:** Hey, everybody, let's all do "the cramp"!

**All:** Yeah! *[Norma sets up the music. Everybody dances "the cramp" and scream]*

Episode Title: "The Krusty Snails"

**Squidward:** Okay, and would you like any fries with that?

**Customer #1:** Uh, *[turns around to the other customers]* Hey, if I get some kelp fries, would you guys share them with me?

**Jimmy:** Do we know you?

**Customer #1:** *[turns back to Squidward]* Two orders of kelp fries, please.

**Squidward:** And two orders of—

**Customer #1:** I only said one order.

**Squidward:** But you said "two."

**Customer #1:** Okay, I'll have two.

**Squidward:** *[takes out a ticket for the customers' order]* Snailtales, order up. *[all the tickets are stuck in the window, he sighs]* Welcome to The Krusty— *[all the tickets get shot out and Squidward walks in the kitchen]* Snailtales, what in Neptune's... *[sees that Gary, Snellie and Lary can't move]* Snailtales? *[pushes Gary back and forth and hat tips over. touches spatula]* Well, his spatula's still warm. *[pokes his eye]* Well, Gary. I must admit this is strange behavior, even for you and Snellie and Lary.

**Mr. Krabs:** *[shows up in the kitchen]* Ahoy, Squidward. *[sees Gary, Snellie and Lary]* Good Neptune, Snailtales. What has gotten into to you, snails?

**Squidward:** I think they're in some kind of self-induced trance.

**Mr. Krabs:** No, Squidward. This is worse. They got the thousand-yard stare. I had it once meself back in me service days. *[shakes Gary, Snellie and Lary]* What is it, lads? Quick, we're losing money! *[Gary's hat falls off and Mr. Krabs picks up what's in it]* It's the snail's tiny calendar. And he has circled today's date. *[reads the date on the 23rd]* "Three Bully Snails Visits Krusty Krab?!"

**Squidward:** That's what's causing all this? Only a complete moron would worry about what some critic has to say. *[both Mr. Krabs, Gary, Snellie and Lary are quivering]* I rest my case. *[the doors get pushed away and three snails who are; Mary's ex-boyfriend, Bully snail with spikes on his black shell and an Orange snail with a red cap on enters and sniffs the air in the restaurant]* Hey, in or out, misters? You're letting out the A.C.

**Mary's ex-boyfriend:** Meow meow meow meow?

**Squidward:** No, I haven't seen three snails come in here.

**Mary's ex-boyfriend:** Meow! *[stares at Squidward]*

**Squidward:** Weirdos.

**Mr. Krabs:** Why, hello! You must be Mary's ex-boyfriend. And you got two employee snails along with you. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Eugene Krabs. owner and proprietor of this fine... *[Mary's ex-boyfriend, Bully snail and Orange snail slithers away and up to Squidward]*

**Squidward:** Well, do you want to order something or do you just want to block my reading light?

**Mr. Krabs:** Squidward, you just drove away Mary's ex-boyfriend. Don't you know our lives depend on his review?

**Squidward:** Mr. Krabs, the only thing my life depends on is going home at 6:00. *[Mr. Krabs walks over to Mary's ex-boyfriend, Bully snail and Orange snail]*

**Mr. Krabs:** Mary's ex-boyfriend, wait! Before you go, come on, sit down. Try one of our delicious Krabby Patties. It's absolutely— *[spits while trying to say "free"]* Complimentary. *[cut to Gary squirting mustard on Mary's ex-boyfriend patty, then putting the bun on. Then Snellie squirting ketchup on Orange snail's patty, then putting the bun on. And Lary squirting mayonnaise on Bully snail's patty, then putting the bun on]* Okay, Snailtales, that will be all. *[Gary, Snellie and Lary lifts up their hats, then puts it back down and leaves]* They're nobody. *[Mary's ex-boyfriend, Bully snail and Orange snail takes their Krabby Patty and takes one bite, then leaves without saying a word]* We're doomed! *[cut to news on the TV as cats meow]*

**Barbara:** And there were no survivors.

**Bob:** Thank you, Barbara.

**Barbara:** Thank you, Bob.

**Squidward:** She is so tacky.

**Bob:** And now it's time for "Bottom Feeding" with Mary's ex-boyfriend Also known as... "Corey Scotland" the Snail Boss.

**Mr. Krabs:** Turn it up, Squidward. *[Squidward turns it up]*

**Mary's ex-boyfriend:** Thank you, Bob. This week we visited--

**Bob:** You're welcome, Corey.

**Mary's ex-boyfriend:** *[clears his throat and moves his hat]* As I was saying... This week, me and my boys reviewed The Krusty Krab restaurant, a local burger joint that's second to none; or should I say second to "run," since this critic wanted to make like a banana and peel out the minute he saw how drab this Krab really was.

**Barbara:** That bad huh, Corey?

**Mary's ex-boyfriend:** Barbara, once I stuck my beak through that door, my appetite flew South for the winter. I mean, I'm not "kidding" when I say this restaurant smells like the rear-end of a goat. *[customers smell the aroma, and a gas noise is heard]*

**Bob:** And how was the service, Corey?

**Mary's ex-boyfriend:** You could find livelier help in a graveyard and I'm not just "coffin." *[two customers are whispering to each other]* The management stunk so bad, I had to get my sweater dry cleaned on the way home... with me *in* it. *[customers start mumbling and walking out]*

**Mr. Krabs:** Hey, no, wait! Wait!

**Mary's ex-boyfriend:** *[too close to Barbara and Bob]* However, at the end of my visit, I chowed down on a meal that titillated my taste buds and gratified my gullet. That snail behind the grill is no square when it comes to cooking. *[excited talking as the customers rush to sit down at their tables for some food]* If Krabs really wanted to soak up the dough, he'd snail it up, he'd snail it out, he'd over-snail it. You can never have too much snails. *[Mr. Krabs' eyes turn into Gary]*

**Orange snail:** Uh, Boss? I think they overheard what you said it's true.

**Bully snail:** Yeah. Let's go back to the place we call "The Krusty Snails". *[And they did]*

**Gary:** Well, back to work.

**Mr. Krabs:** *[laughs]* That me snails, Snailtales! That's me snails! *[Gary, Snellie and Lary walks in the kitchen as dollar signs while register rings keep sounding. Cut to a line of fish lined up at The Krusty Krab]*

**Gary, Snellie and Lary:** La, la, la, la, la, la, la! Wow. *[Mr. Krabs is working on putting a new sign called "The Krusty Snails"]*

**Mr. Krabs:** Okay, a little lower, lower— that's perfect!

**Snellie:** Good morning, sir. What's with the new sign?

**Mr. Krabs:** Oh, just making a few cosmetic changes.

**Lary:** Oh, you mean like when Squidward had that mole taken of his—

**Mr. Krabs:** *[cuts him off before he could finish]* Umm— yeah, a little bit like that. *[cut to inside of the Krusty Snails where Gary, Snellie and Lary walks past Squidward, dressed in a SpongeBob costume with a sign behind saying "As Seen on TV"]*

**Gary:** Morning, Squidward! *[oblivious to the costume]* Ooh! Squidward, where did you find those shoes? *[Squidward hisses at Gary, Snellie and Lary who runs away]*

**Tyler:** Look, it's him! *[walks up to Squidward]* Mr. SquarePants, can I have your autograph?

**Squidward:** No.

**Tyler:** But, why?

**Squidward:** Well, the first reason is, I have no use of my arms. See? *[shakes his arms, but accidentally hits Tyler]*

**Tyler:** Ow! *[Mr. Krabs runs between them.]*

**Mr. Krabs:** Hey, what's going on over here?

**Tyler:** He hit me, just as I wanted his autograph!

**Mr. Krabs:** *[Angry]* Squidward! I'm sorry, little girl. Of course you can have his autograph— for five bucks.

**Tyler:** What a rip! *[walks away. Grumbles madly, goes to a table]*

**Mr. Krabs:** Look at these, Squidward! *[holds up napkins that have Gary's face on them]*

**Squidward:** Looks like some horrific shroud.

**Mr. Krabs:** They're our new Krusty Snail napkins! Extra absorbent. *[laughs]*

**Squidward:** You really need to see a doctor.

**Mr. Krabs:** Oh, that reminds me, Squidward. I need you to unpack these boxes. *[points to a stack of boxes that say "KK" on them]*

**Squidward:** What's in them?

**Mr. Krabs:** *[takes out two bottles that have Gary's, Snellie's and Lary's face as a label and red nozzles]* Condiments. We got "Tangy Snellie Sauce" and "Mild Gary Sauce" for the not-so-daring.

**Squidward:** Oh, clever. *[Gary, Snellie and Lary runs up to Mr. Krabs]*

**Gary:** Captain! Our spatulas are missing, sir!

**Mr. Krabs:** I got one right here. Here you go, Squidward. *[sticks it into the costume's forehead]* You're on grill duty now.

**Squidward:** But that's Gary, Snellie and Lary's job.

**Mr. Krabs:** Don't worry, Squidward. I got something else lined up for them. *[cut to Gary, Snellie and Lary as the engineers in the train that is going around The Krusty Krab]* Step right up, folks! Take a ride on The Krusty Snail Fun Train! Tickets are only $1.98. Seat belts not included. *[everyone cheers. Cut to the kitchen, where Squidward is looking at the spatula that is on the grill]*

**Squidward:** Okay, how am I going to do this now? Umm— *[grunts while trying to get the spatula. Hits it with one of the costume arms and hits himself in the forehead, sending him back into pots and pans]* Mommy, is that you? *[outside, Gary, Snellie and Lary are tired of pedaling the train]*

**Gary:** Mr. Krabs, I really think we should be getting back to the grill now.

**Mr. Krabs:** Are you kidding, lad? Just look at these paying customers! *[uses the megaphone]* Who's ready for another lap? *[everyone cheers]* Keep on truckin', Snailtales. I've got some important business to see to in me office. *[cut to Squidward, still in the SpongeBob costume, entering Mr. Krabs' office]*

**Squidward:** Mr. Krabs? Uh, this is a bad time, isn't it? *[Mr. Krabs is bathing in his money]*

**Mr. Krabs:** *[Nervously]* No!

**Squidward:** Well, there are some men out back with a delivery and want you to sign.

**Mr. Krabs:** *[Still nervous]* Okay, tell them I'll be right out.

**Squidward:** Got it. *[as he turns around, he hits his head on the top of the door entrance]* Ow! *[mutters]*

**Mr. Krabs:** And let's watch the language, Squidward! *[cut to Mr. Krabs signing for the packages]*

**Joe:** Just sign here, here and here.

**Mr. Krabs:** My pleasure.

**Squidward:** What the heck is all this stuff?

**Mr. Krabs:** I'm glad you asked. We got Gary drinking straws— *[shows a green straw with Gary in the middle]* coasters— *[holds up two coasters with Lary's face on them]* bibs— *[holds up a bib with Snellie's face on it that says "I soiled myself at The Krusty Snails"]* and me personal favorite, Gary, Snellie and Lary ice cubes! *[shows them, but they melt away]* Aww.

**Squidward:** Mr. Krabs, don't you think you might be taking all this a little bit too far?

**Mr. Krabs:** *[Showing signs of delusion]* Get back to work, SpongeBob! I'll be in me SpongeBob if you SpongeBob me. *[walks away crazily as Squidward is not surprised. Cut to Squidward flipping a patty and laughing at his success]* Whoops! *[sets three boxes down on the floor]* There you go, Squidward.

**Squidward:** Now what?

**Mr. Krabs:** Oh, you're going to love this. Snaily Patties! *[shows a snail patty with blue and green color patterns]*

**Squidward:** Snaily Patties?

**Mr. Krabs:** Yeah. I want you to start using them instead of the other ones. *[tosses one on the grill]*

**Squidward:** Where'd you get them?

**Mr. Krabs:** They were just the boxes of patties we didn't have room for in the freezer. They turned into snails. Got to keep those Gary, Snellie and Lary ice cubes somewhere, you know. *[he chuckles]*

**Squidward:** You mean to tell me you actually expect people to pay $1.98 for a rotten patty?

**Mr. Krabs:** Squidward, you're right! All this instant success must be scrambling my brains! We'll make them $2.98! *[shuts the kitchen door. Cut to Gary, Snellie and Lary blowing the whistle on the Fun Train, but they're really tired]*

**Gary, Snellie and Lary:** All aboard...

**Nat:** Hey, we didn't pay $3.00 to watch you take a nap!

**Sadie:** That's the worst Gary, Snellie and Lary costumes I've ever seen! *[all the passengers chant]* Ride, ride, ride, ride, ride, ride, ride, ride, ride, ride! *[Gary, Snellie and Lary sneaks away and takes the statue of Gary, Snellie and Lary, where Billy is going to get a picture by a camera by Harold, and puts it in his seat of the Fun Train, then squeezes through the doors of the Krusty Krab]*

**Snellie:** Oh, boy. What a day. What's next? A zombie invasion?

**Gary, Snellie and Lary:** *[screams seeing after Buddy, Bill, Tina, Sadie, Sandals and Frank turned themselves into snails slithering around and meowing]*

**Gary:** Mr. Krabs, open up! We're being attacked by a bunch of zombies that look like me!

**Snellie:** And me!

**Lary:** And me too!

**Mr. Krabs:** Uh, go away, please, I'm busy.

**Gary:** Please, you don't understand! They're all splotchy and blue, brown, green and purple with distended bellies!

**Gary, Snellie and Lary:** *[screams as the zombies walk towards them]* Open up, open up, open up! *[bangs on the door hard enough to where it collapses on the floor]*

**Mr. Krabs:** Who? *[Mr. Krabs is dressed in a nice shirt with a pile of money in the chair across from them]*

**Gary, Snellie and Lary:** Mr. Krabs?

**Mr. Krabs:** Snailtales— *[sees the zombies and gasps]* Great Neptune's mother's stockings! Zombies— they're here to eat me money! *[tries to run back into his office, but Gary grabs him and turns him around]*

**Gary:** Wait! They're not zombies, Mr. Krabs. They're your customers— look! *[two fish are sitting at the table. One is turning into a snail and the other one is normal-looking]*

**Sandals the snail:** *[groans]* Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow.

**Bailiff:** Krabby Patty? *[takes a bite and spits it out, disgusted. He then glares at the worried Mr. Krabs before he walks up to him]* Man, you've got some serious problems. If you're trying to pass that off as a Krabby Patty—

**Mr. Krabs:** *[Nervously]* It's a... It's a Snaily Patty! *[Bailiff turns into a snail by turning into one]*

**Lary:** Mr. Krabs, what have you done?! You've poisoned all these people!

**Mr. Krabs:** *[Shocked and guilty]* No! But... I just... just... I can explain, I... *[Mr. Krabs looks down at his wrists because they are in handcuffs]* What the...?

**Bailiff the Snail:** *[shows his police badge]* Meow meow meow meow meow, Meow! *[cut to the courtroom]*

**Guard:** Calling the courtroom to attention in the case "People of Bikini Bottom vs. Mr. Krabs." The honorable Judge Horace A. Whopper presiding.

**Judge Horace A. Whopper:** *[clears throat]* Has the jury reached a verdict? *[All juries are now snails]*

**All Snails:** Meow meow! *[Gene Scallop stands up]*

**Gene Scallop:** *[along with the others]* We have, your honor. The snails of the jury find the defendant, Eugene H. Krabs, guilty of all charges.

**Judge Horace A. Whopper:** Very well. Does the defendant have anything to say before we send him down the river?

**Mr. Krabs:** *[sadly]* No, you're honor.

**Judge Horace A. Whopper:** Very well. *[bangs the Gary gavel down. When he does, it meows]*

**Mr. Krabs:** Eh, hang on a second there, judge! That wouldn't happen to be a Gary gavel you're using?

**Judge Horace A. Whopper:** Oh, why, yes. It's my prized possession. I am a huge Gary the Snail fan.

**Mr. Krabs:** Permission to approach the bench, your honor! *[cut to a patty being flipped on the grill]*

**Gary:** Sure is glad to be back behind the grill where we belong, Mr. Krabs.

**Mr. Krabs:** It's good to have you back, snails. Let's see how Squidward's enjoying his new position. *[outside, Squidward, still in the SpongeBob costume, is giving the judge a ride on the Fun Train. The judge has a whip in his hand]* Take him around as many times as you like.

**Judge Horace A. Whopper:** I just might have to take you up on that. *[winks and cracks his whip so Squidward goes faster]*

**Mr. Krabs:** *[sighs]* I love a happy ending. *[laughs]*

*[screen goes blank as the whip cracks at the background]*

Episode Title: "Sing a Song of Patrick"

**Patrick:** *[reading a comic book. Screams]* No, no! *[starts crying then stops]* Yay! *[laughs]*

**Nerd:** Well, if only Inaudible Lad were here right now.

**Patrick:** Oh. *[eats comic book]* Nothing satisfies like a good story.

**SpongeBob:** *[walks up to Patrick with a stack of comic books]* Are ya ready to go, Patrick?

**Patrick:** *[screams]* Get back, I wasn't going to eat all of you!

**SpongeBob:** Patrick, it's me!

**Patrick:** Sponge-- *[burps and a piece of paper lands into SpongeBob's face]*

**SpongeBob:** Ew, what's this?

**Patrick:** *[takes the piece of paper]* Well, whatever it is, it's mine! Unless I don't want it! *[inspects the piece of paper and gasps]* SpongeBob, what do all these words say?

**SpongeBob:** It's an ad. *[talks in an announcer tone]* Dear Comic Book Reader.

**Patrick:** That's me!

**SpongeBob:** *[continues as announcer]* Have you ever thought about turning one of your poems into a hit song on the radio?

**Patrick:** I never thought about anything!

**SpongeBob:** *[continues]* Send in your poem and $100 and we'll make it a hit! *[uses regular tone of voice again]* Can we go now? My arms are getting tired.

**Patrick:** I want to send in a poem, and everyone would love it, and I would be a star!

**SpongeBob:** You can't always trust ads in comic books. Those X-Ray specs I ordered couldn't see through people's skin at all! *[makes a disgusted face]* Only their clothes! Plus, you don't have $100. *[SpongeBob's wallet falls out of his and struggles to pick it up]* Patrick, could you get my wallet? *[Patrick picks up SpongeBob's wallet]*

**Patrick:** Hey, look. *[pulls out $100 bill from wallet]* I just found $100! It's a sign that I should make my hit record.

**SpongeBob:** Hey, that's my comic book money!

**Patrick:** *[indignant]* It's a sign! A sign that fell from the back of your pants. I've learned to trust signs like that. *[walks away]*

**SpongeBob:** Patrick. *[the comic book store clerk shows up]*

**Comic Book Store Clerk:** Hey, you going to pay for those comics? *[SpongeBob's arms fall off with the comics]*

**SpongeBob:** No. *[gets kicked out]* Ow! Can I have my arms back? *[cut to SpongeBob's house]*

**Patrick:** I wish not to be disturbed, SpongeBob, for I am about to erupt with a masterpiece. *[walks away]*

**SpongeBob:** Good luck. *[doorbell rings]* Coming-- *[Patrick slams door against SpongeBob]*

**Patrick:** SpongeBob, could I borrow a pencil and some paper and a place to work? *[cut to Patrick at the desk]*

**Patrick:** *[hovering the pencil over the paper]* SpongeBob! This pencil is broken! Why won't it make words?

**SpongeBob:** You have to think of the words yourself. *[walks away with the laundry]*

**Patrick:** I think I wrote a poem once. *[flashback to Patrick's childhood]*

**Young Patrick:** A Poem, by Patrick Star. Roses are blue, violets are red, I have to go to the bathroom. *[eats his poem and then burps and takes a bow]*

**Gym Teacher:** How many times do I gotta tell ya? This is Gym Class! *[blows whistle and everyone starts throwing dodgeballs at Patrick, who takes cover]*

**Patrick:** *[present time]* Ohh, dodgeballs.

**Three Shadowy Figures:** *[shadow figure of themselves as dodgeballs and wearing an evil grin]* Oh, Patrick!

**Patrick:** *[screams]* Don't hit me with a dodgeballs! *[hides under the desk and Gary pops out of his shell and turns on the light. Snellie and Lary pops out of their shells]*

**Gary:** Patrick, it's us, The Snailtales.

**Snellie:** Why would we hit you with a dodgeball?

**Patrick:** I've never told anyone this, I wrote a poem once.

**Lary:** *[gets shocked]* No!

**Patrick:** Wait! There's more. When I read it to the class, they pelted me with dodgeballs! Just because we were playing dodgeball! *[starts crying]* Whyyyyyy?! *[dramatic music plays]*

**Snellie:** Oh how sad.

**Lary:** Yeah. How very dramatic.

**SpongeBob:** *[stops Gary's record player]* You can play your records later, Gary. Patrick, is that why you've been having trouble writing?

**Patrick:** I'm worried my poem's not gonna be any good and you're going to hit me with dodgeballs.

**SpongeBob:** Oh, I don't even own a dodgeball. Do you, Gary?

**Gary:** No. I don't even own a dodgeball. What about you, Snellie?

**Snellie:** I don't have any dodgeballs in me. What about you, Lary?

**Lary:** No. I don't have a dodgeball either.

**Patrick:** If you're serious, I can do this. I'm even gonna use my brain.

**SpongeBob:** That's the spirit, Patrick! I'll open a window. *[cut to SpongeBob's house with an opened window with Patrick struggling to write the poem]*

**Patrick:** *[tapping his head with the pencil]* Come on, you stupid brain! work! *[Patrick's brain starts working and smoke comes out]* It's working! *[struggling as he starts writing]*

**SpongeBob:** *[knocking]* Patrick, don't strain yourself. *[Patrick continues struggling as Squidward opens the window]*

**Squidward:** Now, what's going on? *[looks disgusted]* What is that horrible smell? *[SpongeBob comes out]* Is Patrick thinking again?

**Patrick:** I'm making art!

**Squidward:** Patrick, it smells like something crawled in your brain and died.

**Patrick:** That's the creative process at work! *[Squidward closes the window]* Ready to go to the post office? *[shows a letter with his poem in it]* I need to mail in my masterpiece.

**French Narrator:** The next day... *[cut to Bigshot Records]*

**Lead Singer:** ♪--and that's why you're my cookie-wookie teddy bear!♪

**Guitarist #1:** I hate my life.

**Keyboardist:** I hate your life, too, dude.

**Band Manager:** People! We have 17 more songs to finish this hour! Next up is: "I Wrote This" by Patrick Star. *[sniffs then holds his nose]* Yick. *[Guitarist #2 then takes it]*

**Guitarist #2:** This one's really bad! It made my eyeballs throw up.

**Guitarist #1:** Oh, yeah? *[eyes shrink, disintegrate and crumble into ashes]*

**Band Manager:** I don't care how awful his poem is! We spent his 100 bucks already!

**Guitarist #1:** Come on, guys. We're going to do this if it kills us. And a 1, and a 2 and a-- *[cut to the cemetery where the band members are buried]*

**Charlie:** *[grave voice]* They wanted you to have this.

**Patrick:** My song. Ahh... *[cut to SpongeBob's house]*

**SpongeBob:** *[excitedly]* Come on, let's hear it.

**Patrick:** Um, I don't know. You're not gonna throw any dodgeballs at me?

**SpongeBob:** I don't see any dodgeballs here, buddy. Just an artist and his work.

**Patrick:** Yeah; and me too! Now sit down and get comfortable.

**SpongeBob:** *[sits on his red life preserver arm chair, while Patrick pushes a big stereo sound system in front of him]* Uh, Patrick?

**Patrick:** *[on top of the stereo]* SpongeBob SquarePants! Are you ready to rock?! [cheers] *[SpongeBob screams as Patrick lands on the chair and turns on the music, which blasts loudly through the stereo]*

**SpongeBob:** *[covering his ears]* It's really loud!!

**Patrick:** You need it louder?! Okay!

**Lead singer:** *[singing Patrick's song]* ♪Twinkle, twinkle, Patrick Star. I made myself a sandwich. My mommy named it Fred. It tastes like beans and bacon. And it smells like it's been dead. *[Gary, Snellie and Lary slithers by and sees Patrick's song that is really loud and hides in their shells then comes back out with earmuffs]* Writing stuff is hard so I use a pointy pencil. Pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, point. P.U., what's that horrible smell?♪

**Singer:** Drum Solo! *[plays drum solo. Wallpaper peels and plants become dead and picture of Mr. and Mrs. SquarePants shakes]*

**Lead Singer:** ♪I have a head, it ends in a point. pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, point.♪ *[in their picture, Mr. and Mrs. SquarePants get annoyed and Mrs. SquarePants turns the picture over]* ♪This song is over, except for this line, you win this round, broccoli!♪ *[the song ends as SpongeBob's house peels and the stereo crashes on top of SpongeBob and Patrick]*

**Patrick:** That was awesome! Did you like it or did you really, really like it? Give me your completely honest opinion of how great it was.

**SpongeBob:** *[looking like he wants to insult it]* Oh...hmm... how do I put this delicately-- That was the best song I ever heard!

**Patrick:** Do you really think so?

**SpongeBob:** We need to get that song on the radio!

**Patrick:** Then let's go right now, come on! *[takes SpongeBob's arm off]*

**SpongeBob:** Darn, I just got that arm back. *[cut to the radio station where SpongeBob, Gary, Snellie, Lary and Patrick are going to put the song on the radio]*

**Patrick:** I can't wait to see look on their face once they hear this. *[they go inside and employee screams and kicks them out and closes the door]*

**SpongeBob:** Did you see the look on his face?

**Patrick:** Yeah. Did you see his ears?

**Gary:** I didn't know they could turn inside out like that.

**Snellie:** Now, how are we going to get your record on the radio?

**Lary:** Yeah, how?

**Patrick:** What record? *[they see the antenna]*

**SpongeBob:** I got an idea! *[cut to later where SpongeBob, Gary, Snellie, Lary and Patrick are on the roof. Wind howls as SpongeBob, Gary, Snellie, Lary and Patrick shiver]* We just have to play your record from the top of this antenna.

**Patrick:** Carry me?

**SpongeBob:** Huh? Patrick-- *[Patrick lands on top of SpongeBob and SpongeBob picks him up, struggling]*

**Patrick:** Tally ho! Mush! Onward and upward! *[SpongeBob is struggling to get to the top of the antenna and Gary, Snellie and Lary follows them]* Faster, SpongeBob! Faster! *[Patrick sees a satellite go by. They get to the top of the antenna. Patrick stands on SpongeBob's face, takes out his record player and then puts it on the top of the antenna, the record player wobbles and falls off and Patrick catches it]* Oh! Hmm-- this record won't stay put.

**SpongeBob:** *[mumbling inaudibly]*

**Patrick:** Good idea. *[takes out bubble gum and throws it in his mouth and chews on it, while making noises and he blows a bubble]*

**SpongeBob:** *[mumbling impatiently.]* *[Bubble pops and sticks to Patrick's mouth]*

**Patrick:** Oh, yeah. I forgot. *[pulls gum off and sticks it to the bottom of the record player and puts it on the top of the antenna and turns on the music. Ralph is walking past a radio in a store]*

**Lead Singer:** ♪Twinkle, twinkle, Patrick Star--♪

**Ralph:** *[screams. Billy is driving his boat]*

**Lead Singer:** ♪--I made myself a sandwich, my mommy named it Fred--♪

**Billy:** *[screams]* It's in my head! *[continues screaming as boat spins around and crashes]*

**Lead Singer:** ♪--It tastes like beans and bacon, and smells like it's been dead,♪ *[two fish are walking around, listening to music]* ♪Writing stuff is hard so I use a pointy pencil--♪ *[Jimmy's head disappears]*

**Frank:** Lucky.

**Lead Singer:** ♪--Pointy, Pointy, Pointy, Pointy, Pointy, Point--♪

**Harold:** *[to his girlfriend, Evelyn who are at the beach as the song plays]* This song always makes me think of you.

**Lead Singer:** ♪--P.U., what's that horrible smell?♪

**Singer:** Drum solo! *[plays drum solo as Evelyn hits her boyfriend, who goes flying. Everyone screams and runs around because of the song. Scooter and The Lifeguard tip the boat over]*

**Billy:** Stop!

**Lead Singer:** ♪--I have a head, it ends in a point--♪

**Fish:** *[covering his ears]* My ears! *[they pull the controls off and they jump out of the plane with parachutes]*

**Lead Singer:** ♪--Pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, point--♪ *[the plane lands into a fireworks storage, it explodes and fireworks start]* ♪--This song is over, except for this line--♪

**Old Man Walker:** I like it. *[hums the song]*

**Lead Singer:** ♪--you win this round, broccoli!♪ *[song ends but begins again. SpongeBob, Gary, Snellie, Lary and Patrick see that Bikini Bottom's having a party]*

**Gary:** Well, it looks like Bikini Bottom is throwing a party. and you know what a party needs.

**Patrick:** Uh, bean dip?

**Snellie:** Yes, that is important. But I was thinking about music!

**Lary:** Turn it up, Patrick! *[Patrick turns the volume up]*

**Lead Singer:** ♪It tastes like beans and bacon--♪

**Fred:** *[covering his ears]* Where is that awful song coming from?

**Lead Singer:** ♪--And it smells like it's been dead--♪

**Fred:** *[points to the radio station]* To the radio station! *[everyone marches angrily to the radio station]*

**Lou:** Torches! Get your torches! *[everyone gets a torch]*

**Harold:** Pitchforks! You can't be an angry mob without pitchforks! *[everyone gets a pitchfork]*

**Peterson:** Cotton Candy! Get your cotton candy! Can't throw a riot without cotton candy! *[everyone misses the cotton candy. SpongeBob, Gary, Snellie, Lary and Patrick climb down the antenna]*

**Lead Singer:** ♪--I have a head. It ends in a point--♪

**SpongeBob:** Look at that, Patrick! *[the angry mob is coming]*

**Patrick:** Oh, you mean the angry mob with the pitchforks and torches?

**SpongeBob:** *[laughs]* That's not an angry mob, Patrick. It's your fan club!

**Patrick:** Fan club? *[song ends as the angry mob chatters indistinctly]* Yee-whoo! We should sing them a song!

**Fred:** Who's responsible for that song on the radio? *[SpongeBob, Gary, Snellie, Lary and Patrick jump off the roof]*

**Gary:** Why, he's right here. Patrick Star, Musical Genius. *[Patrick drones and burps]*

**Fred:** Let's get 'em, boys! *[they start chasing them. SpongeBob, Gary, Snellie, Lary & Patrick found a cure. They beat them up but SpongeBob and Patrick play with instruments wildly. Patrick plays with a guitar, while SpongeBob plays with a chainsaw and a tambourine. And Gary, Snellie and Lary sings Blow The Man Down while meowing. They pant heavily while they got rid of the mob]*

**Gary:** *[sings]* Meow, meow meow, meow meow!

**Snellie:** *[sings]* Meow meow, meow meow meow!

**Lary:** *[sings]* Meow, meow, meow meow meow meow!

**Patrick:** And that was Gary, Snellie and Lary's song called, "Blow the Man Down".

**Fred:** You know, It's not that bad.

**Jimmy:** Yeah. At least it got that first terrible song out of our heads.

**Patrick:** Oh, yeah. My song. *[strums his guitar]* Oh, Twinkle, Twinkle, Patrick Star-- *[they hear a whistle blow and it was Patrick's gym teacher from the childhood]*

**Gym Teacher:** Patrick! Looks like you need another lesson! Dodgeballs ready! *[everyone gets out a dodgeball]*

**Patrick:** Uh-oh. *[everyone starts throwing dodgeballs at SpongeBob, Gary, Snellie, Lary and Patrick who take cover]*

Episode Title: "Picture Day"

*[Gary, Snellie and Lary are snoring until the alarm horn blows. SpongeBob's blanket flies off but reveals a box for SpongeBob's body, a fork for the nose, and two potatoes for the feet.]*

**SpongeBob:** *[laughs]* Nice try, "alarmy," but you've got to get up pretty early to wake me up on "picture day!"

**Gary, Snellie and Lary:** Meow. *[crawls under SpongeBob's blanket]*

**SpongeBob:** Now, if you'll excuse me, Snailtales, I must go make myself picturesque. *[cut to SpongeBob putting a vacuum on his face then using a rolling pin to make his face shine. Then he gets some red and blue paint to paint the stripes on his socks. Next, he rolls on some paint for his pants and uses a white crayon for his teeth. He puts on a black wig and then he turns it into The Beatles' hairstyle, then a Jamaican hairstyle, and shaves it off]* Perfect! I'm ready. Whoo-hoo!

**Gary:** Meow.

**Snellie:** Meow.

**Lary:** Meow.

**SpongeBob:** *[humming until a piece of seaweed lands on him; he then gasps loudly and peels it off, leaving a green residue on his clothes]* Fine, fine, not to worry, no problem. *[goes back to his house and repeats what he did earlier]* I'm ready, again!

**Gary:** Meow?

**Snellie:** Meow?

**Lary:** Meow?

**SpongeBob:** It's time to take a corrective approach. *[grabs an umbrella and goes outside again]* Good morning, Squidward! I'd love to stop and chat right now, but it's Picture Day. Whoa! *[gets grabbed by the claw of a garbage truck and dumped into the pile of garbage in the back of the truck. Umbrella opens more trash and Squidward laughs. SpongeBob spits out a trash bag and then cuts to SpongeBob changing again. This time, SpongeBob brings the trash bin to the garbage truck claw and then walks to school again]* Still looking good, Spongy, and Boating School is just around the corner. *[crowd is screaming and running away]*

**Harold:** Take cover! The teenagers, they've been let out of school and they're pelting us with balloons filled with... *[gets hit with a balloon that leaves a red pile of goo on his back; SpongeBob tastes it]*

**SpongeBob:** Ketchup?

**Harold:** Save yourself, kid! *[Fred runs by in the background, yelling in fear]* I'm finished! *[SpongeBob runs away while dodging all the balloons; he hides behind a dumpster but there is a kid waiting for him with a ketchup bottle]*

**Teenager:** Gotcha!

**SpongeBob:** Wait, wait, don't squirt! Please, you've got to spare me. I've got picture day today.

**Teenager:** Oh, pictures, huh? Well, let me help you with your makeup, HAH! *[squirts ketchup at SpongeBob but SpongeBob blocks ketchup with his tongue and jumps away; more teenagers run towards SpongeBob but he notices a hot dog stand and hides on the top where the giant hot dog is posing as a slice of cheese]*

**SpongeBob:** Well, I'm not sure how I did it, but I... *[gets squirted with ketchup by an old man who missed his hot dog]*

**Old Man:** Fiddlesticks, missed again. *[cut to SpongeBob changing again]*

**SpongeBob:** And now, as an extra precaution to keep me looking shiny and new... *[takes out small pink bottle labeled "Sponge Gloss" and puts some on his whole body.]* No grime can penetrate the glossy sheen of... *[the gloss starts to sparkle]* Sponge Gloss. *[sparkles; dodges everyone by hiding in all places, then he spots the Boating School]* There it is. So close, and still so shiny. *[the sun comes out and its beams reflect off the gloss and into a truck driver's eyes that causes him to crash and spill water on SpongeBob, making the gloss come off]* Hey, it's just water. *[a truck filled with stamps crashes and spills stamps all over SpongeBob]* Aww! Stamps?! *[he tries taking them off but a truck spills oatmeal all over SpongeBob]* Oatmeal! *[a truck filled with glue spills all over SpongeBob]* Glue. *[shows all the crashed trucks; cut to SpongeBob taking a shower and brushing all the stuff off him]*

**Patrick:** Hey, buddy.

**SpongeBob:** Patrick, a little privacy here.

**Patrick:** Oh, sorry, SpongeBob. I just came over to borrow some jelly.

**SpongeBob:** Well, go ahead, but I don't have time to play right now. I am late for picture day, and I just can't seem to get to school without being covered by unsightly debris. If only I had a sealed barrier to protect me from the filth of the outside world.

**Patrick:** I have a solution. *[licks up all the jelly]*

**SpongeBob:** Ew!

**Patrick:** Ah. I have solved my hunger problem.

**SpongeBob:** That's it! *[jumps in the jar]* This jelly jar will insulate me from the dirty dregs of Bikini Bottom. If you don't mind, Patrick, we don't have much time. *[Patrick runs to the Boating School with SpongeBob still in the jar]*

**Patrick:** We're here. Hey, what did I bring jelly for?

**SpongeBob:** Uh, Patrick...

**Patrick:** Oh, yeah. I was gonna put it on this peanut butter taco.

**SpongeBob:** No, no, no, no, no, Patrick! I'm not jelly, I'm not jelly! *[is poured into the taco]*

**Patrick:** Huh?! SpongeBob, get out of my taco! *[SpongeBob stands up; the taco shell goes down his face; SpongeBob looks down to see that he is covered in peanut butter; he cries]* What's the matter, SpongeBob?

**SpongeBob:** Patrick, I just wanted to take a decent picture today because someday, I will graduate from Boating School and I don't want to be remembered as the guy covered in peanut butter and taco shells! *[continues sniveling]*

**Mrs. Puff:** Oh, there you are! *[takes SpongeBob inside; Patrick licks his taco. Meanwhile, the photographer is taking another lady's picture]*

**Photographer:** Say cheese. *[takes the picture]*

**Mrs. Puff:** And here's the last one. Now, just give a nice smile to the camera, SpongeBob.

**SpongeBob:** Wait, can I go home and change first?

**Photographer:** No time. Say cheese.

**SpongeBob:** *[sobbing]* Cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese!

**Photographer:** Quit that moody brooding. This will clean you up. *[takes a hose and sprays the peanut butter off with water]* Don't snivel like that. A winner doesn't snivel. Try putting this on. *[SpongeBob puts on a green outfit]* This is it. Now you are looking like a winner. *[SpongeBob cries when he looks at his outfit]*

**Mrs. Puff:** SpongeBob, please stop crying so he can take the picture.

**Photographer:** Do not worry, Mrs. Puff. I brought Pearlie.

**SpongeBob:** I can't stop crying!

**Photographer:** *[opens up his briefcase that has a giant pair of dentures in it]* This will make you smile, yeah, whether you want to or not. *[puts the giant teeth in SpongeBob's mouth]* Now say cheese.

**SpongeBob:** Cheese. *[picture is taken. Later at home]* There I am. *[looking at his "Cautious Memories" book]* Hey, I don't look so bad after all! *[everyone in the book is smiling like him]*

THE END

(End Credits)

"United Plankton Pictures Inc."

"Nickelodeon Productions"

"A Paramount Plus Original Series"