Scott Bagley

**PLEASE STOP EDITING MY WIKI! I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S YOU BRAD, I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW THIS THING WORKS!**

## Contributions to LARS Company Culture

### LARS Gondar Branch Musical Theater Troupe (2012 - present)

Scott Bagley was the driving force behind the creation of the LARS Gondar Branch Musical Theater Troupe (LGBMTT) in 2012. After purchasing rush tickets for a Drumlin performance of 1981 musical smash-hit *DOGS,* Scott was "inspired to create something wonderful and lasting within LARS and possibly the world." After several denied funding requests from LARS Accounting department, Scott eventually managed to requisition the use of holding pen 26-C in order to hold auditions. Holding Pen 26-C, colloquially referred to as "LGBMTT Safe Space and Dream Crucible" by members of the musical theater troupe, would become a permanent recital area despite several requests to LARS Facilities Management to be relocated "further away from the Demon Pit, they keep possessing Cheryl from Marketing." Since their founding in 2012, LGBMTT has yet to conduct an actual public performance despite several "viral marketing initiatives" conducted by Scott. When questioned on the lack of public performances by LARS Accounting, Scott replied, "I like to think that every LGBMTT recital is a public performance. From the moment I wake up to the second my eyes gently close in sleep I am living the musical virtues of LGBMTT. Who's to say this isn't a LGBMTT public performance right now?"

#### **Founding Members**

* **Scott Bagley** (Founder/Artistic Director/Writer/Performer)
* **Cheryl "Cheryl from Accounting" Bedford** (Director/Dramaturg)
* **Cheryl "Cheryl from Marketing" Bedford** (Composer/Sound Designer/Performer)
* **Rhoquanza "The Voice" Jackson** (Performer)
* **Randy Fargis** (Lighting Director)

## LARS Internal Documentation

**INTERNAL DOCUMENTATION IS LIMITED TO LARS SECURITY LEVEL BLACK ACCESS ONLY.**

The following transcript is an excerpt from a 1997 FBI interview with Scott Bagley:

> **Agent**: Hello Scott, I'm agent Penrose. I work with agent Woolfe, the nice lady that had the cookies. How is everything tasting?
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> **Scott**: Good. I liked the oatmeal ones.
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> **Agent**: That's good. I like the chocolate chip ones myself, but I can't have too many or not pants won't fit anymore. That's... a joke. Are the wires okay? They're not bugging you?
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> **Scott**: It's okay.
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> **Agent**: Good. They're for measuring what's going on inside your body. Since we can't see what's going on in there, we need machines to help. Let us know if they're getting itchy or if they hurt. Can you do that?
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> **Scott**: Yes.
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> **Agent**: [exhales] Okay Scott, I wanted to talk about what happened on the bus two days ago. We... uhh... We wanted you to know that you're not in trouble at all. In fact we're very... Uhh... very proud of how brave you were and we know that you were doing this to help all your classmates. If talking about this makes you scared or sad, you don't have to keep talking about it. We're doing this because it's our job to ask all kinds of questions so we can have the best possible picture of what happened. Again, you're not in trouble, understand?
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> **Scott**: Yes.
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> **Agent**: Alright. I need you to think back two days ago, any details you can remember, no matter how tiny, you tell me okay? Can you remember that morning? What did you have for breakfast?
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> **Scott**: Cereal. Monster Puffs I think.
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> **Agent**: That’s good. My son really likes Monster Puffs too. Was this a regular school day or did something special happen that day?
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> **Scott**: It was a field trip day.
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> **Agent**: Where did you go on your field trip?
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> **Scott**: We went to a museum, there were dinosaur bones there and some rocks.
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> **Agent**: Do you remember seeing anything strange in that museum? Anything you didn't understand? Anything that made you scared.
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> **Scott**: No. Not really.
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