Adele Sturgeon

Adele

Adele Sturgeon is Adele. She ascended from the depths of hell in 2000 BCE after God sharted all over the Earth. Then she lived like a ninja turtle for 2,000 years. She slithered out of the sewers and became Adele. After becoming Dave Matthews in 1979, she was assassinated by the cracked out reanimated corpse of Janis Joplin, after Joplin rose from the bathtub she died in unexpectedly, and stabbed Dave Matthews 347 times in the buttocks. After Dave Matthews was eliminated, Adele became a famous British singer-songwriter, but her career was tragically ended after she was obliterated by the real Adele, Adele Adkins. The new singer-songwriter assumed her identity, and the original Adele's corpse was resurrected inside of a Wendy's in Aberdeen, South Dakota. Here, she would become a pledged member of the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS. In 2001, on September 11, Adele was hurdling the air towards New York City at mach 300, before missing her initial target, which was the Headquarters of The Pioneer Woman, which was located on the 78th floor of the South Tower. Adele then became a Boeing 747 aircraft and expanded to the size of a small asteroid, before plummeting into the Hudson River, causing a massive tsunami to obliterate everyone in New York. Adele now resides in Hell again.

## Life

Adele was born and raised in Hell. She was the Adele of a gay couple, better known as Randall from Monsters Inc., and the Lorax from the Lorax. Originally, the adoption was not scheduled to go through after the Onceler killed himself after not being able to marry the Lorax, which resulted in a violent civil domestic court case, in which former president Osama bin Laden was castrated and murdered by Judge Judy. Adele was then sent to Earth from Hell, which caused the first mass extinction, in which God was killed.

Adele came to Earth as a ninja turtle, and famously killed Splinter, in which PETA made commercial starring Adele, with the corpse of Splinter in the background, which got the organization sued for $3 billion by Kamala Harris. Harris cited that she was traumatized, although she was not present for the filmmaking and was actually high on heroin, in which the magic heroin dinosaur told her to run for political office. She accepted the offer from the magic heroin dinosaur, and gave hundreds of thousands of people in the Middle East terrorist visas to come to the United States and attack it for free. Adele came to the United States on a terrorist visa after joining ISIS in Aberdeen, South Dakota in the back of a Wendy's.

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### 9/11

The massive tsunami in the Hudson River caused by Adele's giant fat ass killed 8 million people, but it did not matter because they were from New York. And, there was more attention being focused to some random twin towers that nobody cared about before September 11. O Fortuna was heard blasting through the sky as Adele came crashing down on the shores of New York.

### Singer-songwriter

In June 2007, Adele made her television debut, performing "Daydreamer" on the BBC's Later... with Jools Holland. Adele's breakthrough song, "Hometown Glory", written when she was 16, was released in October 2007.
By 2008, Adele had become the headliner and performed an acoustic set, in which she was supported by Damien Rice. She became the first recipient of the Brit Awards Critics' Choice and was named the number-one predicted breakthrough act of 2008 in an annual BBC poll of music critics, Sound of 2008. However, Adele was murdered by Adele Adkins, and she assumed the original Adele's identity after the Big Black Cock Awards.