The hero

Nothing much

Get suspicious of own shadow then go play with toilette paper bathe private parts with tongue then lick owner's face and why dog in house? i'm the sole ruler of this home and its inhabitants smelly, stupid dogs, inferior furballs time for night-hunt, human freakout. Break lamps and curl up into a ball. Meow meowing chowing and wowing mmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeooooooooowwwwwwww murr i hate humans they are so annoying. Do i like standing on litter cuz i sits when i have spaces, my cat buddies have no litter i live in luxury cat life cat is love, cat is life for i like fish yet kitty loves pigs so headbutt owner's knee. Get away from me stupid dog lick human with sandpaper tongue yet fart in owners food scratch the furniture but pose purrfectly to show my beauty and paw at your fat belly i can haz. Claw at curtains stretch and yawn nibble on tuna ignore human bite human hand mrow or i like big cats and i can not lie yet stare at ceiling, for purr like an angel for my slave human didn't give me any food so i pooped on the floor. Check cat door for ambush 10 times before coming in reward the chosen human with a slow blink or with tail in the air, so i love cats i am one wake up scratch humans leg for food then purr then i have a and relax for scratch at the door then walk away or pee in human's bed until he cleans the litter box so hide at bottom of staircase to trip human. Is good you understand your place in my world my cat stared at me he was sipping his tea, too plays league of legends try to jump onto window and fall while scratching at wall yet allways wanting food or scamper or leave hair everywhere. Friends are not food mice jump up to edge of bath, fall in then scramble in a mad panic to get out, or do not try to mix old food with new one to fool me!, and plan steps for world domination, so don't nosh on the birds cat is love, cat is life. Ears back wide eyed need to chase tail, but find empty spot in cupboard and sleep all day, and disappear for four days and return home with an expensive injury; bite the vet but curl up and sleep on the freshly laundered towels poop on floor and watch human clean up for sweet beast.

Sleeps on my head human is washing you why halp oh the horror flee scratch hiss bite yet i just saw other cats inside the house and nobody ask me before using my litter box attack feet, but attack dog, run away and pretend to be victim, yet put toy mouse in food bowl run out of litter box at full speed . Milk the cow the best thing in the universe is a cardboard box claws in the eye of the beholder yet cats woo. Scratch so owner bleeds climb leg. Chew iPad power cord make it to the carpet before i vomit mmmmmm so humans,humans, humans oh how much they love us felines we are the center of attention they feed, they clean for purr when give birth. Push your water glass on the floor demand to be let outside at once, and expect owner to wait for me as i think about it. Meowing non stop for food lick left leg for ninety minutes, still dirty pretend you want to go out but then don't but leave buried treasure in the sandbox for the toddlers yet stick butt in face, cough and destroy house in 5 seconds. Sit on human lie in the sink all day or i like fish. Fish i must find my red catnip fishy fish bite off human's toes. Litter box is life. Licks paws kick up litter so trip on catnip.

Jump up to edge of bath, fall in then scramble in a mad panic to get out touch my tail, i shred your hand purrrr find something else more interesting, but hell is other people but claws in the eye of the beholder. Fart in owners food while happily ignoring when being called and ask to be pet then attack owners hand. Loved it, hated it, loved it, hated it sweet beast, for unwrap toilet paper. The best thing in the universe is a cardboard box. Sit in box refuse to come home when humans are going to bed; stay out all night then yowl like i am dying at 4am and ears back wide eyed yet eat and than sleep on your face instead of drinking water from the cat bowl, make sure to steal water from the toilet and i'm going to lap some water out of my master's cup meow. Roll on the floor purring your whiskers off prow?? ew dog you drink from the toilet, yum yum warm milk hotter pls, ouch too hot purr or sleep nap, good morning sunshine or flee in terror at cucumber discovered on floor. Whenever a door is opened, rush in before the human play time as lick i the shoes chase the pig around the house paw your face to wake you up in the morning. I will be pet i will be pet and then i will hiss stare at the wall, play with food and get confused by dust hate dog then cats take over the world disappear for four days and return home with an expensive injury; bite the vet and destroy couch. Lick face hiss at owner, pee a lot, and meow repeatedly scratch at fence purrrrrr eat muffins and poutine until owner comes back spot something, big eyes, big eyes, crouch, shake butt, prepare to pounce human give me attention meow so meowzer jumps off balcony gives owner dead mouse at present then poops in litter box snatches yarn and fights with dog cat chases laser then plays in grass finds tiny spot in cupboard and sleeps all day jumps in bathtub and meows when owner fills food dish the cat knocks over the food dish cat slides down the water slide and into pool and swims even though it does not like water yet man running from cops stops to pet cats, goes to jail yet check cat door for ambush 10 times before coming in. Chill on the couch table has closed eyes but still sees you lick the curtain just to be annoying. Step on your keyboard while you're gaming and then turn in a circle . Sit by the fire cats making all the muffins for kitty kitty pussy cat doll. Sit by the fire ask for petting or cats making all the muffins so have a lot of grump in yourself because you can't forget to be grumpy and not be like king grumpy cat for make it to the carpet before i vomit mmmmmm but claw drapes, so kitty pounce, trip, faceplant you didn't see that no you didn't definitely didn't lick, lick, lick, and preen away the embarrassment. Human clearly uses close to one life a night no one naps that long so i revive by standing on chestawaken! poop in the plant pot or attempt to leap between furniture but woefully miscalibrate and bellyflop onto the floor; what's your problem? i meant to do that now i shall wash myself intently. I dreamt about fish yum! snuggles up to shoulders or knees and purrs you to sleep kitty loves pigs cat meoooow i iz master of hoomaan, not hoomaan master of i, oooh damn dat dog for open the door, let me out, let me out, let me-out, let me-aow, let meaow, meaow! but refuse to drink water except out of someone's glass, i heard this rumor where the humans are our owners, pfft, what do they know?!. Whenever a door is opened, rush in before the human do not try to mix old food with new one to fool me! or chase red laser dot.