Ambrosia

Evening came and with it the feeling of someone watching, sneaking into my room, following every movement of my head, of my eyes, of my gaze, of my mind. A lump forming in my throat, sinking slowly, painfully, as I try to swallow, the saliva thickening, hardening, almost turning into stone. Sandpaper in my gullet as I cough, and cough and cough. Knives and needles pricking my lungs while I struggle to inhale. Sharpened diamonds lacerating tissue in a conflict born out of any attempt to exhale. My chest is heaving, raising and collapsing as the vision turns dull.

Cruel hands grab me by the hair, jerking me backwards and I am thrown into the air. Floating as the walls begin pulsating and I am drowning in the loss of sensation. Everything seems to be breathing, the walls, the floors, the ceiling while I fly as my mind slowly loses touch with everything. Spreading thin like dust in the wind, spreading wide like atoms sinking into a black hole. The searing light descends demanding I am to ascend; I struggle against its violating grasp. I resist the urge to climb up the many-eyed ladder that leads up to the heavens.

I fall, collapsing into the great unknown, my body is fading in the distance as I behold fact beginning to take hold, watching my own hollow reflection, staring at a heap of crumpled up mummified bones and dried up blood. Sinking into the great ocean of atrophy I am immobilized by a torrent of magnificent colors, booming orchestra of maddening sounds. My mind is dissolving, my heart is bursting, I am suffocating on the flow of my own blood eloped by the dancing shadows that have rejected the heavens above. I fall into the currents of madness through a gaping maw.

Anxiety becomes paranoid claustrophobia as I sink into the earth, passing through layers of crust, metal and stone, swimming through rivers of flame and losing control of my form as my body becomes liquid and gas before becoming solid anti matter of dream dust. I sink into the cave of the infinite walrus below to behold the angelic throne of the second divinity dwelling in the royal chambers inside the heart of the sun. I burn, as my mouth expands and I devour the sun, devour my nightmares. But I am afraid, I am fucking terrified as wings erupt from my skin.

The terrors of cosmic decay are turning personified when my skin becomes placid and the eyes chew their way through my veins allowing the aching bones to twist and bend into wheels interwoven intertwined within wings and eyes and gaping mouths screaming into the skies so loud that even the last spec of humanity suddenly dies. Time slowly stops and my fear intensifies as I spin uncontrollably within my wheels laced with wheels without spokes pulled by a flying shining glistening burning smoke devouring saucer. Alien hands grasp at my multifaceted frame and tear me through the portal leading towards the other side.

Shattering of glass, shattering of my body, liquid fear, walls of terror, collapsing world, collapsing stars, black holes, light years of dread sweep right through my shaking form. Eyesight restored, hearing reborn, touch returns. Ears ringing, throat stinging, eyes bleeding saline tears like waterfalls, hands shaking, heartbeat erratic and painful, dreadful. Oxygen becomes the inflammatory agent in my lungs sending me on an upward spiral of vertigo and heart palpitations.

I return beyond nightmares and fears into what remains of my reflection slumped in my reclining chair watching the mysterious ghastly visitors slowly loosen their grip on my skull. They gradually evaporate into sweet smelling clouds that are once again reunited with intoxicating vapor emanating from the black elixir in my cup. I slowly breathe in all of my fears and hopes and the edges of the universe vibrate as I experience the undoing of my own spiritual self-decapitation. The waving walls and ceilings and floors come to a screeching halt as I recline and take yet another sip of my home brewed ambrosia.