Best of Big Macintosh (BiggestThomasFan's version)

**Best of Big Macintosh** is a My Little Pony/Thomas parody of the Thomas and Friends US video, Best of Gordon. It features four first season episodes, three third season episodes and two fifth season episodes of Spike the Dragon and Friends narrated by George Carlin and Alec Baldwin.

## Cast

* Spike as Thomas
* Shining Armor as Edward
* Filthy Rich as Henry
* Big Macintosh as Gordon
* Cranky Doodle Donkey as James
* Pipsqueak as Percy
* Soarin as Duck
* Night Light as Donald
* Snips as Bill
* Snails as Ben
* Discord as Diesel
* Fancy Pants as BoCo
* Apple Bloom as Annie
* Sweetie Belle as Clarabel
* Buffaloes as The Coaches
* Hoity Toity as Sir Topham Hatt
* Mayor Mare as Dowager Hatt (*not named*)
* Caesar as City of Truro (*not named; does not speak*)
* Jet Set as Flying Scotsman (*not named; does not speak*)
* Braeburn as Toby (*cameo*)
* Hondo Flanks as Douglas (*cameo*)
* Dr. Whooves as Oliver (*cameo*)
* Tank as Toad (*cameo*)
* Angel as Bertie (*cameo*)
* Gummy as Trevor (*cameo*)
* Goldie Delicious as Mrs. Kyndley (*cameo*)
* Princess Luna as The Stationmaster's Wife (*cameo*)
* Twist as Nancy (*cameo*)
* Everyone else as Themselves

## Episodes

1. Big Macintosh Takes a Dip
2. Down The Mine
3. Whistles & Sneezes
4. Big Macintosh and the Famous Visitor
5. Big Animals and Turntables
6. The Trouble with Mud
7. Big Horses
8. Big Macintosh and the Gremlin
9. A Better View for Big Macintosh

## Transcript

### Big Macintosh Takes a Dip

Narrator: "Big Macintosh was resting in a siding. Sometimes he thought,"

Big Macintosh: "It's very tiring to be such a large and splendid horse. One does have to keep up appearances so."

Filthy Rich: "Peep, peep, peep, peep! Hello, lazybones!"

Narrator: "Whistled Filthy Rich."

Big Macintosh: "What cheek!"

Narrator: "Spluttered Big Mac."

Big Macintosh: "That Filthy Rich is too big for his hooves. Fancy speaking to me like that. Me, who has never had an accident."

Pipsqueak: "Aren't jammed whistles and pulled muscles accidents?"

Narrator: "Asked Pipsqueak innocently."

Big Macintosh: "No, indeed. High spirits, might happen to any animal. But to come off the path like Filthy Rich did, well I ask you. Is that right? Is it decent?"

Narrator: "Then it was Filthy Rich's turned to take the express. Big Mac watched him getting ready."

Big Macintosh: "Be careful, Filthy Rich. You're not pulling the Flying Kipper now. Mind you keep on the path today."

Narrator: "Filthy Rich went off in a huff, and Big Mac yawned and went to sleep. But not for long."

Big Macintosh's Driver: "Wake up, Big Mac."

Narrator: "Said his driver."

Big Macintosh's Driver: "A special load's coming and we're to take it."

Big Macintosh: "Is it buffaloes or changelings?"

Big Macintosh's Driver: "Changelings."

Narrator: "Said his driver."

Big Macintosh: "Changelings?"

Narrator: "Said Big Mac."

Big Macintosh: "Puh-huh!"

Narrator: "Big Mac's body was slow to start. So Shining Armor helped Big Mac to the turntable to get him facing the right way."

Big Macintosh: "I won't go, I won't go!"

Narrator: "Grumbled Big Mac."

Shining Armor: "Don't be silly, don't be silly."

Narrator: "Puffed Shining Armor.

At last, Big Mac was on the turntable. Shining Armor was unhooked and reversed away. The movement had shaken his body. It was now moving nicely.

Big Mac was cross and didn't care what he did. He waited till the table was half way around."

Big Macintosh: "I'll show them, I'll show them!"

Narrator: "He hissed.

He moved slowly forward to jam the table, but he couldn't stop himself and went sliding into a ditch."

Big Macintosh: "Oosh!"

Narrator: "He hissed."

Big Macintosh: "Get me out, get me out!"

Big Macintosh Driver and Fireman: "Not a hope."

Narrator: "Said his driver and fireman."

Big Macintosh's Driver and Fireman: "You're stuck you silly great horse. Don't you understand that?"

Narrator: "They telephoned Hoity Toity."

Hoity Toity: "So Big Mac didn't want to take the load and ran into a ditch?

What's that you say? The special's waiting? Tell Shining Armor to take it, please. And Big Mac? Oh, leave him where he is. We'll get him out later."

Narrator: "On the other side of the ditch, some little boys were chattering."

Boys: "Oh, doesn't he look silly? They'll never get him out."

Narrator: "They began to sing."

Boys: "Silly Macintosh fell in a ditch, fell in a ditch, fell in a ditch! Silly Macintosh fell in a ditch, all on a Monday morning!"

Narrator: "Big Mac laid in the ditch all day long."

Big Macintosh: "Oh dear!"

Narrator: "He thought sadly."

Big Macintosh: "I shall never get out."

Narrator: "But that evening, they lifted Big Mac, and made a roll of sleepers under his hooves to keep him from the mud. Strong ropes were fastened to his back end, and Cranky and Filthy Rich, pulling hard, managed to bring him to safety.

Late that night, Big Mac crawled home, a sadder and wiser horse."

### Down The Mine

Narrator: "One day, Spike was at the junction, when Big Macintosh shuffled in with some changelings."

Spike: "Phew!"

Narrator: "Remarked Spike."

Spike: "What a funny smell.

Can you smell a smell?"

Apple Bloom: "I can't smell a smell."

Narrator: "Said Apple Bloom."

Spike: "A funny, musty sort of smell."

Narrator: "Said Spike."

Big Macintosh: "No one noticed it till' you did."

Narrator: "Grunted Big Mac."

Big Macintosh: "It must be yours."

Narrator: "Not long ago, he had fallen in a dirty ditch. Spike enjoyed teasing him about it."

Spike: "Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, do you know what I think it is? It's ditch water."

Narrator: "Before Big Mac could answer, Spike puffed away.

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle could hardly believe their ears."

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle: "He's dreadfully rude, I feel quite ashamed. I feel quite ashamed, he's dreadfully rude."

Narrator: "And to Spike, they said,"

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle: "You mustn't be rude, you make us ashamed."

Narrator: "But Spike didn't care a bit."

Spike: "That was funny. That was funny."

Narrator: "He chuckled. He felt very pleased with himself.

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were deeply shocked. They had great respect for Big Macintosh the Horse.

Spike left the fillies at the station, and went off to a mine for some changelings.

Long ago, miners digging for lead were making tunnels under the ground. Their rooves are strong enough to hold up changelings, but not the weight of animals. A large notice warns them they shouldn't enter the area.

Danger! Animals must not pass this board."

Spike: "Silly old board."

Narrator: "Thought Spike.

He had often tried to pass it, but had never succeeded, but this morning, he made a plan.

The fireman went to throw the switch."

Spike: "Now for my plan."

Narrator: "Thought Spike.

Bumping the changelings fiercely, he judged his driver off the footplate and followed them into the siding."

Spike's Driver: "Come back!"

Narrator: "Hollered his driver."

Spike: "Fire and smoke!"

Narrator: "Said Spike."

Spike: "I'm sunk!"

Narrator: "And he was."

Spike: "Oh, dear."

Narrator: "He thought sadly."

Spike: "I am a silly dragon."

Hoity Toity: "And a very naughty one, too. I saw you!"

Narrator: "Said Hoity Toity."

Spike: "Please get me out, I won't do it ever again!"

Hoity Toity: "I'm not sure. We can't lift you out with a crane. The ground's not firm enough.

Hmmm. Let me see. I wonder if maybe Big Mac could pull you out."

Spike: "Yes, sir."

Narrator: "Said Spike, but he didn't want to meet Big Mac just yet."

Big Macintosh: "Down a mine, is he? Ha, ha, ha!"

Narrator: "Laughed Big Mac."

Big Macintosh: "What a joke!

All right, little Spike, we'll have you out in a couple of puffs!"

Narrator: "Strong cables were fastened between the two animals."

Hoity Toity: "Are you ready?

Heave!"

Narrator: "It was a lot harder than they all thought. At last, Spike was free.

Spike: "I'm sorry I was cheeky."

Narrator: "Said Spike."

Big Macintosh: "That's alright, Spike. You made me laugh."

Narrator: "Replied Big Macintosh."

Big Macintosh: "I'm in disgrace."

Spike: "So am I."

Narrator: "Said Spike."

Big Macintosh: "Why so you are, Spike. Shall we form an alliance? You help me, and I'll help you."

Spike: "Right you are!"

Narrator: "Agreed Spike."

Big Macintosh: "Good, that's settled."

Narrator: "Rumbled Big Mac.

And hoof to hoof, the allies puffed home."

### Whistles & Sneezes

Narrator: "Big Macintosh was cross."

Big Macintosh: "Why should Filthy Rich have a new shape?"

Narrator: "He grumbled."

Big Macintosh: "A shape good enough for me is good enough for him. He goes gallivanting off leaving us to do his work, and comes back saying how happy he feels. It's disgraceful!

And there's another thing; Filthy Rich whistles too much! No respectable animal ever whistles loudly at stations. It isn't wrong, but we just don't do it!"

Narrator: "Poor Filthy Rich didn't feel happy anymore."

Pipsqueak: "Never mind."

Narrator: "Whispered Pipsqueak."

Pipsqueak: "I'm glad you're home again. I like your whistling."

Big Macintosh: "Goodbye, Filthy Rich."

Narrator: "Called Big Mac."

Big Macintosh: "We're glad to have you with us again. But remember what I said."

Narrator: "Later, Filthy Rich stopped at Shining Armor's station."

Shining Armor: "Hello, Filthy Rich."

Narrator: "Said Shining Armor."

Shining Armor: "You look splendid. I was pleased to hear your happy whistle yesterday."

Filthy Rich: "Thank you, Shining Armor."

Narrator: "Smiled Filthy Rich."

Filthy Rich: "Shhhht. Can you hear something?"

Shining Armor: "It sounds like Big Mac."

Narrator: "Said Shining Armor."

Shining Armor: "And it ought to be Big Mac. But Big Mac never whistles like that."

Narrator: "It was Big Mac. He came rushing down the hill at a tremendous rate. He didn't look at Filthy Rich, and he didn't look at Shining Armor. He screamed straight through the station and disappeared under a bridge."

Shining Armor: "Well."

Narrator: "Said Shining Armor."

Filthy Rich: "It isn't wrong."

Narrator: "Chuckled Filthy Rich."

Filthy Rich: "But we just don't do it."

Narrator: "And he told Shining Armor what Big Mac had said.

Meanwhile, Big Mac screeched along the road. The noise was awful.

At the next station, everyone covered their ears. Hoity Toity covered his ears too."

Hoity Toity: "Take him away!"

Narrator: "He bellowed."

Hoity Toity: "And stop that noise!"

Narrator: "Big Mac walked sadly away. But he wouldn't stop whistling until two fitters knocked his whistle in place.

That night, Big Mac slunked into the library. He was glad it was empty."

Filthy Rich: "It isn't wrong."

Narrator: "Murmured Filthy Rich to no one in particular."

Filthy Rich: "But we just don't do it."

Narrator: "No one mentioned whistles.

Next morning, Filthy Rich was enjoying himself enormously."

Filthy Rich: "I feel so well, I feel so well."

Narrator: "He sang."

Buffaloes: "Trickety-trock, trickety-trock."

Narrator: "Hummed his buffaloes.

Then he saw some boys on a bridge."

Filthy Rich: "Peep, peep! Hello."

Narrator: "He whistled."

Filthy Rich: "Oh!"

Narrator: "He called. The boys didn't wave and take his cutie mark. They thought it fun to drop stones on him instead."

Buffaloes: "They've killed us, they've killed us!"

Narrator: "Cried the buffaloes.

The passengers weren't hurt, but they were cross."

Passengers: "Call the police!"

Filthy Rich's Driver: "No!"

Narrator: "Said the driver."

Filthy Rich's Driver: "You leave that to Filthy Rich and me. We'll teach those sons a lesson."

Passengers: "What will you do?"

Narrator: "They asked."

Filthy Rich's Driver: "Can you keep a secret?"

Passengers: "Yes, yes."

Filthy Rich's Driver: "Well then."

Narrator: "Said the driver."

Filthy Rich's Driver: "Filthy Rich is going to sneeze at those boys."

Narrator: "Lots of people were waiting at the station just before the bridge. They wanted to see what would happen."

Filthy Rich's Driver: "Filthy Rich has plenty of dust."

Narrator: "Said the driver."

Filthy Rich's Driver: "Please duck down until we've passed the bridge. Filthy Rich is as excited as we are, aren't you old fellow?"

Narrator: "Filthy Rich felt more stuffed up than excited.

Soon they could see the boys, and they all had stones."

Filthy Rich's Driver: "Are you ready, Filthy Rich?"

Narrator: "Said the driver."

Filthy Rich's Driver: "Sneeze hard when I tell you.

Now!"

Narrator: "He said."

Filthy Rich: "Ah-choo!"

Filthy Rich's Driver: "Well done, Filthy Rich!"

Narrator: "Laughed his driver.

Filthy Rich went home hoping that next time he saw Big Mac and the boys, they would have learned not to be so mean."

### Big Macintosh and the Famous Visitor

Narrator: "It was an important day in the yard. Everyone was busy and excited, making notes and taking photographs. A special visitor had arrived, and was now the center of attention."

Spike: "Who's that?"

Narrator: "Whispered Spike to Soarin."

Soarin: "That,"

Narrator: "Said Soarin proudly,"

Soarin: "Is a celebrity."

Pipsqueak: "A what?"

Narrator: "Asked Pipsqueak."

Soarin: "A celebrity is a very famous animal."

Narrator: "Replied Soarin."

Soarin: "Driver says we can talk to him soon."

Spike: "Oh,"

Narrator: "Said Spike."

Spike: "He's probably too famous to even notice us."

Narrator: "Just then, Big Macintosh arrived."

Big Macintosh: "Pah!"

Narrator: "Said Big Mac.

Big Macintosh: "Who cares? A lot of fuss about nothing else if you ask me."

Narrator: "And he steamed away.

Later that night, the animals found that the visitor wasn't conceited at all. He enjoyed talking the animals, till' long after the stars came out.

He left early next morning. Big Mac was still complaining about it."

Big Macintosh: "Good riddance."

Narrator: "He grumbled."

Big Macintosh: "Chattering all night. Who is he, anyways?"

Spike: "Soarin told you,"

Narrator: "Replied Spike."

Spike: "He's famous."

Big Macintosh: "As famous as me? Rubbish!"

Spike: "He's famouser than you. He went 100 miles an hour before you were even thought of."

Big Macintosh: "Huh! So he says,"

Narrator: "Huffed Big Macintosh."

Big Macintosh: "But I didn't like his looks. He's got no yoke. Never trust yokeless horses. They're self-disrespectable. I never boast, but I'd say that 100 miles an hour would be easy for me. Goodbye!"

Narrator: "Soarin took some changelings to Shining Armor's station."

Shining Armor: "Hello."

Narrator: "Called Shining Armor."

Shining Armor: "That famous pony came through this morning. He waved to me. Wasn't he kind?"

Soarin: "He's the finest pony in the world."

Narrator: "Replied Soarin, then he told Shining Armor what Big Macintosh had said."

Shining Armor: "Take no notice."

Narrator: "Soothed Shining Armor."

Shining Armor: "He's just jealous. He thinks no animal should be famous, but him. Look, he's coming now."

Narrator: "Big Mac was running very fast. His hooves pounded the road."

Big Macintosh: "He did it, I'll do it! He did it, I'll do it!"

Narrator: "Big Mac's line rocketed past and was all gone."

Soarin: "He'll knock himself to smitherines!"

Narrator: "Chorted Soarin.

Big Mac's driver eased him off."

Big Macintosh's Driver: "Steady, Big Mac. We ain't running a race."

Big Macintosh: "We are, then."

Narrator: "Said Big Mac, but he said it to himself.

Suddenly, Big Mac began to feel a little strange."

Big Macintosh: "My neck seems funny."

Narrator: "He thought."

Big Macintosh: "It feels as if something is loose. I'd better go slower."

Narrator: "But it was too fucking late.

On the viaduct, they met the wind. It was a teasing wind that blew suddenly at hard puffs. Big Mac thought it wanted to push him off the bridge."

Big Macintosh: "No, you don't!"

Narrator: "He said firmly.

But the wind had other ideas. It curled round his neck, crept under his loose yoke, and lifted off and away into the valley below.

Big Mac was most uncomfortable. The cold wind was whistling through his neck where his yoke should be and he felt silly without it.

At the big station, the changelings laughed at him."

(Changelings laughing)

Narrator: "Big Mac tried to shoo them away,"

(Changelings continue laughing)

Narrator: "But they crowded around, no matter what he had done.

On the way back home, he wanted his driver to stop and fetch his yoke."

Big Macintosh's Driver: "We'll never find it now."

Narrator: "Said the driver."

Big Macintosh's Driver: "You'll have to go to the workshop for a new one."

Narrator: "Big Mac was very cross."

Big Macintosh: "I hope the library is empty tonight."

Narrator: "He huffed to himself.

But all the animals were there waiting."

A Voice: "Never trust yokeless horses."

Narrator: "Said a voice from somewhere behind him."

A Voice: "They aren't respectable."

### Big Animals and Turntables

Narrator: "Filthy Rich and Big Macintosh were lonely when Spike left the yard to run his route. They missed him very much. They had more work to do and had to fetch their own buffaloes. The big stallions thought they were too important to fetch buffaloes.

Cranky grumbled too."

Filthy Rich, Big Macintosh and Cranky Doodle Donkey: "We get no rest, we get no rest!"

Narrator: "They all complained, but the buffaloes only laughed."

Buffaloes: "You're lazy and slack, you're lazy and slack."

Narrator: "They answered.

All together, the animals were causing Hoity Toity a great deal of trouble.

The big stations at both ends of the route each have a turntable. Hoity Toity had made them so that the big animals can be turned around, because it is dangerous for them to go fast backwards.

Little animals, like Spike, don't need turntables. They can go just as well backwards as forwards. But to hear Big Mac talk, you would have thought that Hoity Toity had made him big just to show how important he was."

Big Macintosh: "You don't understand, little Spike. We big animals have a position to keep up. It doesn't matter where you go, but we are important. And for Hoity Toity to make us do arranging, fetch buffaloes and go on some of those dirty sidings. It's... it's... it's... well, it's just not the proper thing."

Narrator: "Spike chuckled, and went off with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle."

Big Macintosh: "Disgraceful!"

Narrator: "Big Mac hissed, as he ran backwards to the turntable.

The turntable was in a windy place close to the sea. And if he was not on it just right, he put it out of balance which makes it difficult to turn. Today, Big Mac was in a bad temper, and the wind was blowing fiercely. His driver tried to make him stop in the right place, but Big Mac wasn't trying. The fireman tried to turn the handle, but Big Mac's weight and the strong winds prevented him."

Big Macintosh's Driver and Fireman: "It's no good."

Narrator: "They said at last."

Big Macintosh's Driver and Fireman: "You upset the balance. If you were a little animal, you'd be alright. Now, you'll have to take the next line of buffaloes backwards."

Boys: "Look!"

Narrator: "Called some boys."

Boys: "There's a new dragon. Oh, it's only Big Mac back to front."

Spike: "Hello."

Narrator: "Called Spike."

Spike: "Playing little animals? Sensible horse. Take my advice, lose some weight and have some nice scales."

Narrator: "Big Mac said nothing.

Even Cranky laughed when he saw him."

Big Macintosh: "Take care."

Narrator: "Hissed Big Macintosh."

Big Macintosh: "You might stick too."

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "No fear."

Narrator: "Chuckled Cranky."

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "I'm not so fat as you.

I mustn't stick."

Narrator: "Thought Cranky. He stopped on just the right place to balance to the table. It could now swing easily.

Big Macintosh arrived in time to see everything.

Cranky turned much too easily. The wind puffed him round like a top. He couldn't stop."

Big Macintosh: "Well, well."

Narrator: "Said Big Macintosh."

Big Macintosh: "Are you playing roundabouts?"

Narrator: "Poor Cranky, feeling quite giddy, rolled off into the library without a word.

That night, the three animals had an indignation meeting."

Big Macintosh: "It's shameful to treat big animals like this! Big Mac has to go backwards and people think he's a little animal, Cranky spins round like a top and everyone laughs at us. And to add to that, Hoity Toity makes us all arrange in dirty sidings. Ugh!

Listen,"

Narrator: "Said Big Mac. He whispered something to the others."

Big Macintosh: "We'll do it tomorrow. Hoity Toity will look silly!"

Narrator: "The animals had decided to go on strike."

### The Trouble with Mud

Narrator: "One morning, Spike was being cleaned when Big Macintosh arrived. Mud had blown all over his body."

Spike: "Hello Big Mac."

Narrator: "Called Spike."

Spike: "You look as if you've had a mudbath. Be a sensible horse and have a shower instead."

Narrator: "Big Mac snorted."

Big Macintosh: "I haven't time to dawdle over my appearance like fussy baby dragons do."

Narrator: "The wind blew stronger."

Big Macintosh's Driver: "Big Mac, slow down!"

Narrator: "This made Big Mac crosser still."

Big Macintosh: "Now I'll be dirty and late, dirty and late!"

Narrator: "He hissed.

At the next station was a sign: "All Animals Must Wash Down Daily".

Cranky had just finished being cleaned."

Big Macintosh's Driver: "Come on, Big Mac."

Narrator: "Said his driver."

Big Macintosh's Driver: "You'll feel better too after a good hosedown."

Big Macintosh: "Pah!"

Narrator: "Said Big Mac, and angrily shook his body."

Big Macintosh's Driver: "You're a very naughty horse!"

Narrator: "Said Big Mac's driver."

Big Macintosh's Driver: "Now Cranky will need another shower. You'll have to wait your turn till later."

Big Macintosh: "Good riddance!"

Narrator: "Huffed Big Mac."

Big Macintosh: "I'm far too busy to waste time with water."

Narrator: "He finished his journey safely and arrived at the big station. Hoity Toity was waiting, so were Big Mac's buffaloes and the passengers."

Hoity Toity: "Good gracious me!"

Narrator: "Said Hoity Toity."

Hoity Toity: "You can't take the buffaloes. Filthy Rich will have to do it. Big Macintosh, you'd better get cleaned straight away."

Narrator: "Big Mac was soon being washed."

Big Macintosh: "Mind my eyes!"

Narrator: "He grumbled.

Then he pulled changelings for the rest of the day."

Big Macintosh: "Changelings, changelings!"

Narrator: "He snorted. He felt his position deeply."

Big Macintosh: "That's for you, and you, and you!"

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "Changelings will be changelings."

Narrator: "Laughed Cranky."

Big Macintosh: "They won't with me."

Narrator: "Snorted Big Mac."

Big Macintosh: "I'll teach them!"

Narrator: "Cranky got ready to take the express when Big Mac returned."

Big Macintosh: "Be careful there."

Narrator: "Warned Big Macintosh."

Big Macintosh: "The hills are slippery. You may need some help."

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "I don't need help on hills."

Narrator: "Replied Cranky huffily."

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "Big Mac thinks he knows everything."

Narrator: "Earlier a storm had swept Big Mac's hill, blowing leaves onto the tracks, which made them slippery.

Even though the storm had passed, the hill was still difficult to climb. Cranky knew this.

The signal showed clear, and Cranky began to go faster."

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "I'll do it, I'll do it."

Narrator: "He puffed.

Halfway up, he was not so sure."

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "I must do it, I must do it!"

Narrator: "But his hooves slipped on the leaves. He couldn't take the buffaloes on his own."

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "Help, help!"

Narrator: "Whistled Cranky. His hooves were moving forward, but the heavy buffaloes pulled him backwards.

The whole line started sliding down the hill. His driver applied the brakes. Then, he quickly stopped the buffaloes.

Big Mac saw everything."

Big Macintosh: "Ah well, we all live and learn. Never mind, little Cranky, I'm going to push from behind."

Narrator: "Clouds of smoke and steam billowed as the snorting animals struggled up the hill."

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "We can do it!"

Narrator: "Puffed Cranky."

Big Macintosh: "We will do it!"

Narrator: "Puffed Big Mac.

Then suddenly, they reached the top at last."

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "Peep, peep! Thank you. Goodbye."

Narrator: "Whistled Cranky."

Big Macintosh: "Goodbye."

Narrator: "Answered Big Mac.

That night, Hoity Toity came to see the animals. Big Mac was feeling miserable."

Spike: "Please, sir."

Narrator: "Said Spike."

Spike: "Can Big Mac take buffaloes again now?"

Hoity Toity: If you understand that having a washdown is essential to every animal, then yes, Big Mac, you may."

Big Macintosh: "Thank you."

Narrator: "Grunted Big Mac."

Big Macintosh: "Dirty or clean, I'm a famous stallion."

Narrator: "But no one else heard but him."

### Big Horses

Narrator: "One morning, Big Macintosh was in the yard eating a large meal."

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "That's the third meal you've had today, Big Mac."

Narrator: "Said Cranky."

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "Some might say you're feeling rather greedy."

Big Macintosh: "I'm an important horse."

Narrator: "Replied Big Mac."

Big Macintosh: "Important horses need plenty of food, but I doubt it if you would understand that, Cranky."

Narrator: "Cranky snorted and went about his work.

Later, Big Mac was taking on water from a standpipe because the water fountain was under repair."

Soarin: "I wouldn't drink too much of that water if I were you, Big Mac. It might give you a stomach ache."

Big Macintosh: "Pah!"

Narrator: "Said Big Mac."

Big Macintosh: "What's this? Educating Big Mac Day? First Cranky, now you Soarin. Big horses have needs! Little ponies are just so annoying!"

Soarin: "Don't say I didn't warn you."

Narrator: "Laughed Soarin.

Later, Big Mac came into the yard at the big station."

Big Macintosh: "That's what I need."

Narrator: "Exclaimed Big Mac. There, emerging out of the sheds, were two shiny carts."

Big Macintosh: "Now if I had two carts of food,"

Narrator: "Said Big Mac."

Big Macintosh: "I wouldn't need to stop so often, and I wouldn't have to listen to silly, little animals."

Big Macintosh's Driver: "Those carts belong to a visitor."

Narrator: "Replied his driver. Discord sidled up alongside."

Discord: "Everyone knows that carts are a mark of distinction, but I'm afraid that any amount of carts won't save you in the future. We draconequus are taking over, and we don't need carts of food to make us feel important. Not even one of two."

Narrator: "Big Mac was most upset. He was feeling just the same next day."

Big Macintosh: "I'm not happy."

Soarin: "I know."

Narrator: "Said Soarin."

Soarin: "It's stomach ache."

Big Macintosh: "It's not stomach ache."

Narrator: "Protested Big Mac."

Big Macintosh: "It's just,"

Filthy Rich: "Of course, it is."

Narrator: "Interrupted Filthy Rich."

Filthy Rich: "That water's nasty. Have a good wash out, then you'll feel a different horse. Your body must be full of sludge."

Big Macintosh: "Don't be vulgar!"

Narrator: "Huffed Big Mac. He backed down onto his line of buffaloes hissing mournfully."

Hoity Toity: "Cheer up, Big Mac."

Narrator: "Said Hoity Toity."

Big Macnitosh "I can't, sir. Is it true what Discord says, sir?"

Hoity Toity: "What does he say?"

Big Macintosh: "That draconequus are taking over."

Hoity Toity: "Don't worry, Big Mac. That will never be happening in my town."

Big Macintosh: "And one more thing, sir. Why did the visitor had two carts of food?"

Hoity Toity: "Because he lives in a town with long distances between food areas."

Narrator: "Big Mac felt better.

But Filthy Rich started complaining. He banged some changelings angrily."

Filthy Rich: "I always wored well enough for two!"

Narrator: "He puffed."

Filthy Rich: "I deserve another cart."

Narrator: "Soarin whispered something to Night Light. He was going to play a trick on Filthy Rich."

Soarin: "Filthy Rich,"

Narrator: "He asked."

Soarin: "Do you want my carts?"

Filthy Rich: "Yours? What have you got to do with carts?"

Soarin: "All right then."

Narrator: "Said Soarin."

Soarin: "The deal's off. Would you like them, Night Light?"

Night Light: "I wouldn't deprive you of the honor."

Narrator: "Replied Night Light."

Soarin: "It is a great honor."

Narrator: "Continued Soarin thoughtfully."

Soarin: "But I'm only a pegasus. Perhaps Cranky might..."

Filthy Rich: "I'm sorry I was rude."

Narrator: "Said Filthy Rich hastily."

Filthy Rich: "How many carts have you? And when can I have them?"

Soarin: "Mmm, huh. I have six, and you can have them this evening."

Filthy Rich: "Six lovely carts!"

Narrator: "Chortled Filthy Rich."

Filthy Rich: "What a splendid sight I'll be."

Narrator: "Filthy Rich was excited all day long."

Filthy Rich: "Do you think it'll be alright?"

Narrator: "He asked for the unteenth time."

Soarin: "Of course."

Narrator: "Said Soarin."

Soarin: "They're already now."

Narrator: "The other animals waited where they can each get a good view.

But Filthy Rich wasn't a splendid sight at all. His six carts were very old, dirty and filled with sludge."

Voice: "Have a good wash out, Filthy Rich?"

Narrator: "Called a voice."

Voice: "That's right! You'll feel a different horse now."

Narrator: "Filthy Rich was not sure, but he thought the voice belonged to Big Macintosh's."

### Big Macintosh and the Gremlin

Narrator: "Early one morning, Big Macintosh was feeling tired."

Fire Lighter: "I don't know what's wrong."

Narrator: "Sighed the fire lighter."

Fire Lighter: "There must be gremlins about."

Pipsqueak: "What are gremlins?"

Narrator: "Asked Pipsqueak."

Spike: "I've heard that they are little green men who play tricks."

Narrator: "Replied Spike."

Pipsqueak: "Can we find one?"

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "Pah!"

Narrator: "Said Cranky."

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "Gremlins don't exist, they're just an excuse for when things turn out wrong."

Spike: "If fire lighter says there are gremlins, there are!"

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "Ha!"

Narrator: "Snorted Cranky.

Hoity Toity had heard everything."

Hoity Toity: "Silence!"

Narrator: "He said."

Hoity Toity: "I am expecting a V.I.P., a very important person for a day. She has heard that that all my animals are really useful. Please prove it to me."

Spike, Pipsqueak and Cranky Doodle Donkey: "Yes, sir!"

Narrator: "They said."

Pipsqueak: "As long as the Gremlins let us."

Narrator: "Added Pipsqueak."

Hoity Toity: "What Gremlins?"

Pipsqueak: "The one's in Big Mac's head, sir. That's why he's not quite ready yet."

Hoity Toity: "I'll see about that."

Narrator: "Thundered Hoity Toity, and he did."

Hoity Toity: "Big Mac, I suggest you to be on your best behavior for a day. You are to bring the special buffalo for my special visitor. But no high speeds, please; she don't like that."

Narrator: "Big Mac was proud and pleased.

He was waiting for his special buffalo when Pipsqueak puffed in with some coal."

Pipsqueak: "What's the matter, Big Mac? You're late."

Big Macintosh: "Driver says there's gremlins in the turntable."

Narrator: "Replied Big Mac."

Pipsqueak: "They must be everywhere!"

Narrator: "Squeaked Pipsqueak.

At last, the turntable was mended, and Big Mac puffed away with the special buffalo.

He was soon working hard to make up for lost track of time.

After he arrived at the station, Hoity Toity became concerned."

Hoity Toity: "Where's Spike?"

Narrator: "He wondered."

Hoity Toity: "He's supposed to be bringing my visitor from the harbor."

Big Macintosh: "Ha!"

Narrator: "Huffed Big Mac."

Big Macintosh: "Spike isn't really useful if he's late."

Narrator: "But it wasn't long before Spike arrived."

Spike: "I'm sorry, a cow strayed on the line and we had to wait for the farmer to take her away, but driver says your visitor is here safe and sound."

Hoity Toity: "Indeed she is."

Narrator: "Smiled Hoity Toity."

Hoity Toity: "How nice to see you."

Pipsqueak: "Who is it?"

Narrator: "Whispered Pipsqueak."

Spike: "I don't know,"

Narrator: "Replied Spike."

Spike: "But Hoity Toity is certainly keen to please her. He's arranged a special party for her."

Pipsqueak: "She's got a dog."

Narrator: "Said Pipsqueak."

(Gremlin barks)

Spike's Driver: "Come on, Spike."

Narrator: "Said his driver."

Spike's Driver: "You need a drink."

Big Macintosh: "Pah!"

Narrator: "Puffed Big Macintosh."

Big Macintosh: "Spike is just a lazy little dragon. Hoity Toity is expecting us to arrive on time. We're late because of Spike."

Narrator: "Big Mac's driver decided to make up for lost track of time.

Then there was trouble ahead."

Big Macintosh's Driver: "I think we'd better slow down, this is an old path and could make things very uncomfortable for the V.I.P."

Narrator: "And it did. She was taking a bath, and the water was sploshing about all over the place."

Mayor Mare: "Ohhhh!"

Narrator: "She cried.

Big Mac was very relieved to reach his final destination, where Spike was waiting to collect Hoity Toity and his special visitor.

He blew an extra-long whistle. This frightened the visitor's dog so much, that he fled from the station and ran into a field where a bull was grazing.

The bull frightened the little dog even more. He ran back again, onto the platform, and over the bridge.

He didn't stop until he jumped straight onto Spike."

(Gremlin Barks)

Narrator: "But he had a wonderful ride, all the way to the harbor."

Spike's Fireman: "What's the dog's name?"

Narrator: "Asked the fireman."

Mayor Mare: "Well, after today's events, I think I'll rename him 'Gremlin'."

Narrator: "Hoity Toity chuckled."

Hoity Toity: "In that case, I've met one at last. Ha ha ha ha!"

Spike: "Excuse me, sir, but who is your very important visitor?"

Hoity Toity: "Why, didn't I tell you? This lady is my mother, and she agrees with me, you are indeed, really useful animals, and my mother, of course, is always right. Ha ha ha ha!"

### A Better View for Big Macintosh

Narrator: "Big Macintosh was feeling grumpy. This was making Cranky Doodle Donkey cross."

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "Why do you have to complain all the time?"

Big Macintosh: "Because I'm a big red horse and I know everything. I shall complain whenever I fucking want. You're just a small donkey with ideas above your station."

Pipsqueak: "I can't see any."

Narrator: "Said Pipsqueak."

Pipsqueak: "Where are they at?"

Big Macintosh: "Any what at?"

Pipsqueak: "Ideas above the station. The sky's empty."

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "Just like your head, Pipsqueak."

Narrator: "Laughed Cranky, but Big Mac was still grumpy."

Big Macintosh: "One day I'll show you just what a big horse could really do."

Pipsqueak: "So what can a big horse really do?"

Big Macintosh: "Not speak to silly little fillies for a start."

Narrator: "Replied Big Mac. Then, he puffed away.

Later that day, Hoity Toity came to see him."

Hoity Toity: "Big Macintosh, you'll be making one stop today with an empty express to test our new station. You can make up for lost time afterwards."

Big Macintosh: "Why can't Filthy Rich do it? He likes idling at stations."

Hoity Toity: "You will do as you are supposed to!"

Narrator: "So Big Mac did.

But he was still unhappy and he grew sick, too."

Big Macintosh: "I just can't get up to fucking speed."

Narrator: "He stroaned."

Big Macintosh's Fireman: "It's time for your visit to the works. Your body's clogged."

Narrator: "Said the fireman."

Narrator: "At last they approached the new station. Big Mac was impressed, but his mood soon changed. In front of him was a blank wall and huge buffers."

Big Macintosh: "What a boring view! Important horses like me must have a panoramic view where I can see people and people can see me."

Narrator: "And he kicked at the ground angrily. Big Mac was happy when it was time to leave."

Big Macintosh's Driver: "Now you can really enjoy your run, as long as your body will let you."

Narrator: "Said his driver."

Big Macintosh: "Come on, come on! I can go faster than that."

Narrator: "Huffed Big Mac."

Big Macintosh: "Sick? Me? Never!"

Narrator: "But Big Mac began to feel more and more feeble, and soon, he came to a complete stop!"

Big Macintosh: "What the hell happened?"

Narrator: "His driver and fireman inspected him."

Big Macintosh's Fireman: "Something's broken inside you Big Mac."

Narrator: "Said his fireman."

Big Macintosh's Fireman: "Now, you really do need to go to the works."

Narrator: "Big Mac was still fuming when Cranky arrived to collect his buffaloes."

Cranky Doodle Donkey: "Well, well, well. So much for knowing about everything. You got too puffed up in your head, so it serves you just right."

Narrator: "When Big Mac returned from the Works a few weeks later, he was still boasting."

Big Macintosh: "I am the finest horse in Equestria, probably the finest in the world."

Hoity Toity: "Come on, Big Mac, we're going to the official grand opening of the new station."

Narrator: "Then there was trouble ahead, as Big Mac approached the new station, neither the driver or fireman could apply his brakes.

Something had jammed.

The driver reduced steam, but Big Mac was still going too fast."

(SLAM!)

Big Macintosh: Help me! Please!

Hoity Toity: "Well, Big Mac."

Narrator: "Said Hoity Toity."

Hoity Toity: "I knew you wanted a panoramic view, but this is not the way to achieve it."

Big Macintosh: "Yes sir, sorry sir!"

Narrator: "When Big Mac was repaired again, he took Hoity Toity to the new station for it's second official grand opening.

This time, he arrived safely, and everyone clapped and cheered as he pulled in. Hoity Toity spoke to him."

Hoity Toity: "Your panoramic view is here to stay, I trust in you will always see through it, from the safety of your own road."

Narrator: "Big Mac hardly agreed."