Headhunters 5: The Fantastic Fourteen

## Introduction

*Time and time again my patience is tested. My leniency. My...forgiveness. And I, Glorio, I'm repeatedly let down by the criminal behavior you all exhibit. Jethro's GLORIOus team? You condescend me by using my name for your mediocre team? One by one you fail to learn. One by one, you fail to survive...*

## In Memorium: Jethro's Glorious Team

As Commish, Ya Hate 2 See It (that was their old team name). I really wanted Jethro to succeed this year. After taking a one-season hiatus, G came back into the fold hoping to outlast his previous mortal coils. Two 16th-place finishes sandwiched in between a respectable 9th place chopping in 2020. But it was not meant to be. Another season, another massive bid on Tyreek Hill only to be chopped a week later. Wash, rinse, repeat.

This week was an absolute disaster with injuries. But no team was burned more than Jethro, who needed to muster just 5 points from somewhere in his lineup. Mike Evans was actually performing well against his arch rival Lattimore before exiting early with a hammy. Ja'Marr Chase hasn't been the same this season with Joe Burrow at less than 100%. And the nail in the coffin was Kenny Pickett, who left the game with just 8.74 while trying to mount a comeback that would have required a ton of throwing.

It doesn't help that the Buffalo Bills were able to shut down Miami's vaunted offense, limiting the expensive Tyreek Hill to just 11.50 fantasy points. The only player who broke projection was Alexander Mattison, who has been a baller ever since Cam Akers joined the team.

The craziest part was that New York actually almost got them back in the mix on Sunday Night against the Chiefs. They scored 18 huge fantasy points, and with Danny Dimes struggling on MNF, Jeff Probst almost caught a body in the final hour.

Or maybe the craziest part was that Skyy Moore was the only active player on Jethro's Bench. What an absurd thing to see when clicking on his team. Skyy Moore and the suspended Jameson Williams, with OBJ on IR and Arizona defense just hanging out for kicks. Wild for a team that spent over $700 in four weeks.

As much as it is sad to see him go, now things get VERY interesting. Hill, Chase, and Lamb have to be the three biggest WRs to hit the market in a single week - outside fo maybe the final week or two of action. Throw Mike Evans in the mix, who is maybe the most underrated WR in the league over the last five + seasons, and you have a week that is sure to move the needle in bidding.

Oh shit, sorry. We're mourning here. Um...

Jethro's Glorious Team:

## Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022 v 2023)

We have our first *plus* finish of 2023, but the 2021 season had a whopping 20 teams so Jethro actually survived one week less than in Season 3.

## Dead Money

Keeping track of all the cash that never got spent by teams that are now eliminated.

Dead Money 2023

Nice.

## Top New Releases

In 2019 it was the DJ Moore curse. Four teams got eliminated with DJ Moore on their roster. Is Tyreek Hill cursing teams in 2023? It's week five and this is already the second time that Tyreek is going up for auction...Maybe just to be safe nobody should bid on him.

1. Tyreek Hill
2. CeeDee Lamb
3. Ja'Marr Chase
4. Mike Evans
5. Alexander Mattison

## Week Four Bidding Results

### Quick-Hit Thoughts

* Last Year's Most Expensive Player: Cooper Kupp ($555 - burrow for sure-oh)
* Biggest Overpay: Kyren Williams ($40 over next highest bid-Never Done This Before)
* Narrowest Margin of Bid Victory: Never Done This Before ($0 over next highest bid, won on waiver priority-Never Done This Before)
* Of course we have to also give a shoutout to Bad Boys, who won Breece Hall by a single dollar over Never Done This Before.
* It was a big week for Never Done This and Bad Boys. They combined to spend $835. And it's hard to argue with results...both teams tied for the biggest climb of the week in the standings.
* Of course, not all money spent is the same. Bad Boys spent $483, which constituted 48% of their remaining budget. Never Done This spent $373, which was a whopping 94% of their remaining budget.
* Really goes to show how terrible Ryan Tannehill has been that $7 was spent on him with no competing bids in a 15-team superflex league.

## Most Money Spent By Single Team Through Four Weeks

Scotty set a new record this week by spending more money than any other team in HH history through the first four weeks. We'll see if that strategy pays off, as he must now survive three more months with just $25.

Most Money Spent Through Four Weeks by a Single Team in HH History
 burrow for sure-oh (2022)
 Shotti's Bugatti (2020)
 RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-Oh (2019)
 burrow for sure-oh (2020)

## Excessive Spend

Excessive spend is anything over a single dollar more than the next highest bid for the player you won, and does not take into account the talent level or value of the player.

## Money Spent Per Week

Money Spent Per Week
 3

For the third week in a row we have bid on more players than ever before.

## Week Four Results

* Biggest Climber: Never Done This Before/Bad Boys II (^12)
* Biggest Faller: Al Snows Fav Squad (v9)

## Kings of the Castle

### 1. Monty's Python

I guess the zero QB strategy sort of works? Python is making it happen with Goff and Wilson, benefits from the loss of Mike Williams by having Josh Palmer, and seems to have struck gold with later-round talent Nico Collins, Raheem Mostert, and to some extent David Montgomery. The scary part for us is that they will get Austin Ekeler back in week 6. The scary part for them is that players with a week 9 bye put up a total of 133.98 of their 259.79 points.

### 2. Never Done This Before

Is this the team that will win a championship? It will have to do. Geno Smith and Justin Fields are the two QBs, with Mark Andrews at TE, Lockett/Brown holding it down at WR, and Javonte/Gibbs in the RB slots. Kyren Williams at least looks to be the real deal, he put up 36+ in week four.

### 3. Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack

I don't want to say having CMC is cheating, but I also can't call it fair. Bad Boys will just have to hold on a week longer to get Cooper Kupp back, and it looks like Alvin Kamara might be fantasy relevant. Sam LaPorta was a steal. Sam Howell isn't bad. Yeah, okay, Bad Boys has something going here, folks.

### 4. RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh

One by one, RIP Diggs is picking off his favorite players simply by rostering them. First it was Chubb, now it's Tee Higgens. If we lose Stefon Diggs next week, I think we have no choice but to cut Nate from fantasy...all of it. He simply cannot keep getting away with this.

### 5. Extra Tight Ends

Sneaks into the top-5 by way of Henry VIII opting to bench Breida for waiver priority on MNF, but still another strong showing by ETE. Every starter broke 10 points, and he managed 200 with only one starting QB and one starting TE. With almost all their money left, they should be able to round out this roster nicely before the majority of their byes hit between weeks 10-13.

## On the Chopping Block

### 14. deCaPitated

With the late scratch of Deshaun Watson, CP's bench proved thin as he was forced to roll with Quentin Johnston at superflex. But thanks to 41.14 from CJ Stroud, and a great London showing from Mustard Man Robinson, CP lives to die another day. It may be time to start spending though. They are one of two teams with their full budget left, and Watson is on the bye in week 5. That means they are still without a QB, and it's clear that Dallas Goedert is Dallas Gone-DERRRt so the TE spot needs work too.

### 13. Jeff Probst' Tribe

Jeff Probst is a huge fan of torches and this tribe proved it in week four because they were TORCHured by Daniel Jones on Monday Night. I think JP really got bailed out here, because sacks in HH are only worth -0.05. I can't say for sure, but I'm pretty positive I intended to make that -0.50. Oh well, it's been that way for five seasons so no point changing it now!

### 12. Al Snows Fav Squad

Al Snoh-No! What happened!? The Headhunters superteam was looking human in week four, with five players scoring under 10. Maybe it's not the brightest idea to be starting three Patriots, considering their offensive drives end in a punt or turnover a league-worst 71% of the time. Mac Jones is giving Trey Lance a run for his money because he's starting to look like a huge first round mistake. C'Mon Dre Stevenson is looking like a bust because he can't seem to bust through first contact. And Hunter Henry has been on the hunt for a repeat performance of his week 1 and 2 17.60ers.

### 11. What Hurts Moore?

Both players from the team name broke 30, more than making up for single catch games from Pittman, Musgrave, and James Conner. You also wouldn't be faulted for falling in love with Romeo, because Doubs DOUBled his projection on Thursday night. But this is yet another team in the hunt for TE and QB talent, which is going to be a hot commodity with bye weeks beginning. I'm sure if he can't cash in this week we can expect a 5am text with all the lucrative offers on the table for potential trades.

### 10. Obi-Wan Mahomie

Nearly escaped the eye of Sauron this week but Patrick Mahomes kneeled at the 1 instead of diving into the endzone, so now we gotta talk about Obi for a few sentences. This team is obsessed with WR. They have nine on the roster. Can't get enough. And what's better is that 13 of their 16 players have byes week 10 or later, meaning they could easily cost in the middle for another few weeks.

## Average Scores of Eliminated Teams

Average Scores of Eliminated Teams
 Out of Luck
 Bobecue Chicken
 Hasta Laviska Baby

## Narrow Defeats

Margin of Defeat for Last Place Teams:

Margin of Defeat for Eliminated Teams
 Jethro's Glorious Team
 Out of Luck
 Bobecue Chicken

Second elimination of the season by under five points. SHEESH.

## Rulers of the Kingdom

2023 first place finishers:

Top Scorers by Week
 2
 3
 4

Another passive performance by Monty's Python, who currently leads the season-long standings by 51.41 over second-place Al Snow.

## Dungeon Dwellers

2023 teams that finished second-to-last, narrowly avoiding elimination:

Low Scorers by Week
 2
 3
 4

## Single Season Scoring Records

As teams get eliminated, their single season performance will appear here. Bolded lines indicate performances from the current season.

Jethro becomes the first team in HH history to finish a season with between 600-700 points.

## All-Time Combined Points Scored

Same as above: eliminated teams will have their 2023 season added to the total. Bolded lines indicate that the record has been updated through 2023.