Lost THX Tex Trailer: A Nintendo Boxset

Warning: The following story contains graphic violence that might not be suitable for children. Viewer discretion is advised.

We were on our way to the THX headquarters to get the lost boxset that would tell us how to defeat Tex from Mermaid Lagoon. Buzz, Peter, Bruce, Teresa, her eight kids, Toppy, Dave, and I were driving nonstop to Los Angeles for five whole hours.

"You know, we didn't ask for anything of this, Teresa," said Buzz. "Tex used to be the sweetest guy."

"Until he started hanging around you three," said Teresa. "You guys were the ones who told him little kids fear robots. You guys could've saved those innocent people from being killed."

"You can't prevent the inevitable," said Buzz.

"What do you mean?" asked Teresa.

"We knew for years that people were afraid of Tex," said Buzz. "We looked deep into the multiverse when we first met Tex. 99.9 percent of people across the multiverse fear him. We didn't tell him because we knew that this would happen."

"Wait? You guys knew that people feared Tex?!" said Teresa.

"Yes," said Bruce. "Now, look at what has happened. If we don't stop him now, the entire multiverse could crack! Then, what do we do then? People ten times worst than Tex could leak into our world!"

At that moment, we heard the car start to break down. Luckily, we were able to make it to a gas station before the car broke down.

"The car is out of gas," I said. "I'll go in and get us some gas. If I'm not back in five minutes, come looking for me."

"OK," Everyone said.

I went into the gas station, and I immediately noticed yet another boxset. This time, it was for Nintendo and the characters on it included Mario, Luigi, Donkey Kong, Banjo-Kazooie, Link, and Conker.

"Damn it!" I yelled. "Will this nightmare ever end?!"

I thought about not grabbing it. But I knew, one way or another, we needed our answers. So, I took a deep breath and took the boxset to the front counter.

"Um, twenty on Pump 2, please," I said to the cashier. "And just this boxset. Thanks."

At that moment, I noticed that the cashier was Tex.

"That'll just cost you your life," said Tex, as he pointed a gun at me.

I screamed and ran out of the gas station, put the gas into the car, and raced inside.

"We gotta go! Tex is here!" I yelled.

"What?!" Everyone said.

"He was at the front counter!" I said, as Tex flew towards us. "I managed to get a boxset! We need to go! Now!"

I stepped on the gas and sped off, with Tex on my tail, throwing pumpkin bombs everywhere, as he flew after us.

"You can't escape Sexy Texy!" said Tex.

"Keep going!" yelled Buzz.

I kept speeding, not caring what I was doing. At that moment, we thought we lost him. But then, a cop pulled us over.

"Hello, guys," said the cop. "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?"

"Sorry, officer," I said. "But there is a crazy robot trying to kill us! We need you to arrest him."

"Oh, I'm afraid that isn't gonna be possible, sir," said the officer, as he morphed into Tex. "Well, what do you know? Looks like you just fell for the oldest trick in the book. Now, I'm gonna kill every single one of ya. Including, the anthropomorphic goat simp, Toppy."

"B\*TCH I ONLY THINK HE’S CUTE! GET OVER HERE STUPID MARIO-LOOKIN’ BOT!" yelled Toppy, his collar a red color.

At that moment, Toppy charged at Tex, fighting him with everything he had. But just as it looked like Tex was gonna be defeated, Tex pulled out a multiverse breaker and pointed it at the sky.

"If you kill me, the multiverse is gonna break," said Tex. "Villains ten times worst than me will come here. So I recommend that you spare my life."

"OK," said Toppy, his color now a rainbow neutral color.

"Psyche!" said Tex, as he shot his multiverse breaker at the sky.

At that moment, villains from every universe started breaking into our world. Luckily, Buzz managed to knock Tex out and fix the multiverse before anymore villains leaked in. But now, we had six more villains to deal with. They included Electro, Dr. Octopus, The Green Goblin, The Lizard, Sandman, and Venom.

"You are now officially outnumbered!" said The Green Goblin.

"We are now The Sinister Seven!" added Electro.

"Tex has a lot in common with us!" chimed in Dr. Octopus.

"We all like to create chaos!" added Venom.

"Yes, we do," said Tex. "Now if you excuse us, we have to plan a mass genocide. Ciao!"

The Sinister Seven flew away on Goblin's glider and Tex's jetpack, laughing. Luckily, everyone was OK and no one got hurt or killed. But now, we had seven villains to fight.

"Great! This is just great!" said Teresa. "Now, my ex-boyfriend and the father of my kids has a team of six other psychopaths!"

"Well, there is one good thing that came out of this," said Dave.

"What?!" yelled Teresa.

"We still have the Nintendo boxset," I said. "One thing we can't do is sit around and argue. If we want our answers, we're gonna have to watch it. All we need is a DVD player."

"I got one installed in me," said Peter, as he put the disc in him. The warning popped up, reading:

"Warning: The following trailer was made to promote The Amazing Spider-Man, despite that film not being THX-certified. This trailer also has graphic violence. Viewer discretion is advised."

"Spider-Man, huh?" I said. "This situation is a No Way Home situation."

"Just watch," said Teresa, now visibly annoyed.

The trailer opened with a shot of the Mushroom Kingdom at night. Mario, Luigi, Peach, Toad, and Bowser were sitting around a table, having a meeting.

"OK a guys," said Mario, sounding like Chris Pratt rather than Charles Martinet. "Time for a roll call. A'Luigi?!"

"I'ma right here," said Luigi.

"A'Peach?"

"Present," said Peach.

"A'Toad?"

"Here," said Toad.

"A'Bowser?"

Bowser roared, getting Mario's attention.

"Good! A'everyone is a'here," said Mario. "Now, guys. There is a crazy a'robot out and about, killing a'innocent people. But as a'long as we a'stay in the a'Mushroom Kingdom, we will be a'fine."

At that moment, Tex's demented laughter could be heard, alongside the Green Goblin's laugh, Electro's electricity, The Lizard's roar, Venom's roar, Dr. Octopus's tentacles, and the sound of falling sand. Everyone looked around to see what that was.

"Um, do you get the feeling we're being watched?" said Luigi, nervously.

"You are being watched!" said Tex, sinisterly.

"It's a'you!" yelled Mario. "What you a'did to those a'innocent a'people was a'wrong! We will a'fight you with our a'fire balls!"

"Not only that, but teaming up with the Sinister Six?! What were you thinking?!" yelled Peach.

"We have a lot in common with Tex," said The Goblin, getting ready to throw a pumpkin bomb. "We both love to cause destruction and chaos! You will be no match for us! TIME FOR THE SINISTER SEVEN TO CLEAN UP THE PLUMBING!"

At that moment, The Goblin threw a pumpkin bomb at the table and it exploded, pushing everyone back. Then, Electro shocked Luigi with his electric powers, killing him instantly. Then, Tex ate a fire flower and used the fire balls to burn everyone else to a crisp. They screamed as they met their fate.

But the trailer wasn't over yet.

It cut to a shot of Donkey Kong Country. DK was collecting golden letters and bananas to try and defeat King K. Rool. But at that moment, The Green Goblin and Tex, carrying the rest of the Sinister Seven on their backs, flew over DK, scaring him.

"Hello, fat baboon," said Tex.

DK shook his fists at Tex, offended by this comment. Then, he threw a barrel at The Lizard, telling the Sinister Seven to go away. Then, Diddy Kong flew by and told the Sinister Seven off.

"Nice try, but that's not gonna happen,": said Tex, chuckling. "TIME TO FEED THE LIZARD WITH SEXY TEXY AND THE SINISTER SEVEN! Lizard, eat up!"

"With pleasure," said The Lizard, licking his lips.

The Lizard ate DK and Diddy Kong up in one big gulp. They both screamed as they met their demise.

But the trailer still wasn't over yet.

It cut to a shot of Hyrule. Link and Zelda were sitting underneath a tree, hanging out with each other.

"So, did you hear about Tex the THX-robot, who killed innocent people?" asked Link.

"I don't know," said Zelda. "All I've heard about him is that he killed a group of toys, two monsters, a little girl, three fish, three bugs, a superhero family, two living cars, an ogre family, a donkey, a dragon, a cat, three weird donkey-hybrid things, five Kung-Fu masters, a lion, a zebra, a hippo, a giraffe, four penguins, two monkeys, three lemurs, a raccoon, a turtle, a porcupine family, a black skunk, a dramatic possum, a teenage possum, a caveman family, dragon-flying vikings, a flock of chickens, an inventor, his pets, two rats, a flock of sheep, a shepherd dog, a farmer, a crew of pirates, more cavemen, some weird characters from the 80's, a black brown bear, three deer, two Mexican skunks, an Irish squirrel, and others."

"Ah, the memories," said Tex, holding Link's sword in one hand and Link's decapitated head in the other. "Now, it's your turn, Princess."

Zelda screamed as her head was cut off by Tex. Then, the Green Goblin and the rest of the Sinister Seven flew in and threw pumpkin bombs all over the place to finish off the rest of Hyrule, while laughing stupidly.

But the trailer still wasn't over yet.

It cut to a shot of the Banjo-Kazooie world. Banjo and Kazooie were celebrating the defeat of Griselda the Witch. But at that moment, Sandman and Tex flew through the window. Banjo and Kazooie gasped as they saw this, and went into their battle poses.

"Hello there, puzzle bear and bird," said Tex. "The rest of the Sinister Seven are waiting for us back at the hideout. For now, we came here to kill you in this cottage. TIME TO MAKE A SAND CASTLE WITH SEXY TEXY AND THE SANDMAN!"

Banjo and Kazooie charged at Tex and Sandman. But before they could throw a punch, Tex knocked them out cold. Then, Sandman grabbed them with his sand powers, and threw them down a cliff.

"Sayonara, puzzle animals," said Sandman, chuckling.

Banjo and Kazooie screamed as they fell the the exact same place that Griselda the Witch was buried. Then, a sandcastle covered them up.

But the trailer still wasn't over yet.

It cut to a shot of the bar from Conker's Bad Fur Day. Conker was drinking beer, Scotch, and the like, alone. But at that moment, Tex and the Sinister Seven flew in, startling Conker.

"Hello there, drunk squirrel," said the Green Goblin.

"NAME ONE GOOD REASON WHY YOU GUYS ARE HERE!" yelled Conker.

"To make you a drink, of course!" said Tex. "Here you go!"

Conker sipped the drink and was rather pleased with it. Then, he chugged it down.

"That was actually pretty good," said Conker. "What's in it?"

"Oh, I just put in a pumpkin bomb and some whiskey," said the Green Goblin, laughing. "You can thank me later."

"What?!" said Conker, shocked.

The Sinister Seven flew away as Conker panicked over the pumpkin bomb in his belly. But right before the bomb was about to blow up, the screen cut to black and the sound of Conker's screaming, the bomb exploding, and guts splattering everywhere could be heard.

But the trailer still wasn't over yet.

It cut to a shot of the THX logo. The Nintendo logo could be seen next to it, looking bloody. Then, the deep note played. This time, the screams belonged to Mario, Luigi, DK, Link, Zelda, Banjo, Kazooie, and Conker. After the deep note stopped, Tex and the Sinister Seven dropped down.

"Hello, Nintendo gamers!" said Tex.

"Tex has six new partners and it's us, The Sinister Six!" said the Green Goblin, laughing stupidly.

"If you are scared of us, Tex, or THX, you will meet the same fate as the rest of your precious Nintendo characters," said the Lizard, laughing evily. "Pleasant dreams."

The Green Goblin threw a pumpkin bomb at the screen while everyone laughed evilly. Then, "The Audience is Listening" and "To be continued.." appeared on the screen, ending the trailer.

"We really need that boxset at the headquarters," I said.

"Well, you're in luck," said Buzz. "We are here."

I could see that Buzz was right. The THX headquarters was right there. After we parked, we all stared at the headquarters, ready to go in.

"You ready to do this?" said Dave, nervously.

"We need our answers," I said.

But our problems would continue to grow with the mermaids in the lagoon and the chaos that the Sinister Seven were causing for the universe.

(To be continued.)