The Ballad of Drakkenheim

Fan-created series of songs reflecting the adventures of Veo, Pluto, and Sebastian. Listen here: [1]

All songs written and performed by Dan Reem (who's really a history teacher, not a performer) and his daughter Cate.

## Lyrics

**The Ballad of Drakkenheim (Part I)**

Ho now Drakkenheim
Gonna have to make you mine
Delerium is mighty fine
If you don’t die
Ghostly Three on the hunt for swag
Ratling, ratling better run and hide
Delerium shards dropped in Pluto’s bag
Blip bloop, Blip bloop tasting mighty fine
Fat cube, umberhulk, run away fast
Never thought they’d make it but old Pluto’s made to last oh
Ho now Drakkenheim
Gonna have to make you mine
Delerium is mighty fine
If you don’t die
Veo’s gonna shoot
Sebastian will steal the loot
Pluto should be more astute
Hope they don’t die
Veo returns to her neighborhood
Ratling, ratling better run and hide
Sharon dies in a pool of blood
Blip bloop, Blip bloop tasting mighty fine
Nasty harpies try but Monty can’t roll
Pluto jams their bodies down the old corpse hole
(2 choruses)
Pluto Jackson is a real man’s man
Ratling, ratling better run and hide
Clunks around in a big tin can
Blip bloop, Blip bloop tasting mighty fine
Kill a cube and a troll better not think
Angel wings that fall apart sure do stink oh
(2 choruses)
Sebastian’s tricks seem to tempt his fate
Ratling, ratling better run and hide
Really too bad about that guy he ate
Blip bloop, Blip bloop tasting mighty fine
Lemmington just ran his mouth and never seemed to see
'til his words were drowned out in a stream of yellow pee oh
(2 choruses)

**The Ballad of Drakkenheim (Part II)**

Oh the mist settles in
Down in Drakkenheim
Where delirium lies
Our heroes set forth with full carefree hearts
Searching for lilies to pick
But a boot to his nose
Changed the sorcerer’s pose
And those nasty old gnomes took a hit
And those nasty old gnomes took a hit
Oh the three carry on
Down in Drakkenheim. . .
I hope they don’t die
Brave Pluto stood forth, a syringe in his hand
Testing a potion’s effect
But it shot out both ends
Diabolical juice cleanse
And poor Pluto’s bottom was wrecked
And poor Pluto’s bottom was wrecked
Oh the three scurry on
Down in Drakkenheim
I hope they don’t die
But the Queen isn't right and they run from her light
To the village to mysteries more
Sebastian’s mom built a really strange home
But he burnt it all down like before
Lies tangled friends, the deceptions don’t end
Prince Petunia returns, pretty dress he has earned
The order, the lanterns, the mage of the dead
The gargoyles, the minotaurs, they all want the heads
Of our friends
And the three stumble on
Down in Drakkenheim. . .
I’m afraid they might die
Ah, but
Cornelius Mortimer Bigsby appears
Bald crazy purple-eyed freak
Veo crawls up crap shoot
Pluto hurls black goo
And Oscar is foiled by the three
And the lanterns forgave all the three
Yes
Cornelius Mortimer Bigsby appears
Pluto hacks off Gemma’s arm
Veo meets with her Queen
The lanterns aren’t mean
They succumb to Sebastian’s charms
They succumb to Sebastian’s charms
Oh our heroes survived
Down in Drakkenheim
At least for awhile. . .

**The Ballad of Drakkenheim (Part III)**

Drakkenforce is on the way
Leads the charge and saves the day

Jumping in too fast is what our heroes do
But the minions of the queen can never tell
One shot, head butt, bugbear blood is everywhere
But three drinks they drank and they all fell

Drakkenforce fell down today
They chose wrong and lost their way

Big Linda is the test that Drakkenforce must pass
Her tail sent Pluto flying all the same
And oh the secret fiancee; Sebastian knows that things have changed
Can they ever trust the prince again?

Drakkenforce returned today
The Queen of Thieves will have her way

The terrors rise along the path that they must take
Flesh to glass, projectile vomit flies
Rat Prince offers limbs to eat, Slurp can conjure soda treats
Minotaurs and hags and gnolls arise

Drakkenforce must run away
The Lord of Feasts has joined the fray
That big-ass gnoll that sits upon a big-ass beast
Lured to Slaughterstone by fleeing foes
Virgil falls, and Hannah too, but still the plan continues through
Til monster one-shot turned the lord to ghost
Did Drakkenforce just save the day
Or will there now be hell to pay

**The Ballad of Drakkenheim Part IV**
There's a cat and a man and a shadow
Who walk the streets of despair
And they stare at the choices before them
As they contend with the gnolls in their lair
And they hope for the wisdom to win over
The knights and the lanterns to their side
But the hate and distrust are so strong
That in the cathedral alliance died

So the cat and the man and the shadow
Venture forth to reclaim the mages' tower
New commander, new mage and new regent
They wonder how to wield their new power
They request an image of a furry butt
And Sebastian takes a broom to the gut
Can the feast that they ate now protect them
From the terrors that await them up above

Now the cat and the man and the shadow
Know that Oscar works up above
So they sneak and they leap on his minions
And they finally mess that nasty Gemma up
Oh Pluto teleports to the wrong room
But Veo turns delirium to a bomb
And old Oscar knows his borrowed hands can't save him
So he breaks the staff they needed all along

Wounded cat, puzzled man, desperate shadow
Ask a dead mage to assist them for the win
Zero zero one, blue slaad spine, romantic tension
Spinning feather fall now mages can come in
Sebastian's purple coat and fancy scarf are awesome
And free food makes our Veo purr out loud
But the storms of war are now on the horizon
Friends are precious few and vicious foes abound
Oh how can they defend the broken city
From the Queen of Thieves and crazy cultish guys
At least they've got Jupiter Jones to protect them
And they'll always have old Lem to despise

The Ballad of Drakkenheim Part V

Ho now, Drakkenheim
Can't believe it's closing time
Adventuring is mighty fine
If you don't die

Rat Prince shows us his new girlfriend
Ratlings, ratlings eating everyone
Squeek's plan means that the world will end
Two farts and a burp trying hard to run
Big Nose and delirium they make a strange mix
Just another incident Sebastian cannot fix Oh

Ho now, Drakkenheim
Can't believe it's closing time
Adventuring is mighty fine
If you don't die

Veo lights'em up
Sebastian is looking tough
Pluto should be more in love
Bet they don't die

Queen of Thieves on the run at last
Ratlings, ratlings eating everyone
Sebastian sits down a bit too fast
Two farts and a burp trying hard to run
Skeleton replaces him they don't know what to say
C'mon Monty have a heart 'cause Kelly wants to play Oh

(2 choruses)

Allies gather for the final fight
Ratlings, ratlings eating everyone
Sol's keto keeps him buff all right
Two farts and a burp trying hard to run
Veo's dad's a pillar that they're trying hard to save
Should they close the portal or dive in and save the day Oh

(2 choruses)

Dragons, unicorns and angels help
Ratlings, ratlings, eating eveyone
Decimating demons what a tale to tell
Two farts and a burp trying hard to run
Epic final battle Pluto slices up The Rat
Can't believe they made it but there's still that thieving Kat Oh

(3 choruses)