Kody's Journal

An excerpt from Kody's Journal.

Kody "Krazy Jay" Hall's private journal chronicling some of his adventures beginning in 2010 up until the events of "***The Sypherz***". It can be found in Kody's first apartment under his coffee table. Certain excerpts from the journal can be read throughout the game.

## Entry 1: December 31, 2010

*Well, not sure on how to start this shit off, but i'll try. Figure I'll give a introduction of myself. My name is Kody. Kody Jayson Hall. And my life is shit. complete and utter fucking shit. (this journal shit is kinda nice.) Right now, I'm living in a hot, cramped ass one bedroom apartment, with my friend Tony, and his cousin, Jerry (It's his place.) I mean, don't get me wrong, it's better than being homeless. But it's still not that great. And sleeping on a hard ass couch, kills your back muscles big time. Anyway, I'm still getting used to being in a different state, going from Brooklyn to Los Angeles is a huge change.  We just got here, like four month's ago. LA is nice, but part of me misses New York's cold weather. (I'm a December baby.) I'm broke and I have no idea, what my life is going to be like from here on out. I'm unemployed with no opportunities in sight. Tony and Jerry both work inside this rundown tattoo parlor, they offered me a spot there, but I don't know shit about tattoo-ing (is that a word?). And besides, drawing on some sweaty motherfucker's skin doesn't seem like my type of thing anyway. So I'm pressed pretty hard for cash right now, and I don't know how I'm gonna get any money at this rate. Yesterday, I saw an ad that said that McDonald's was hiring, but I worked in fast food back when I was like 15, and it fucking sucked ass big time. Shitty pay, and even shittier management. And to make things worse, I never finished high school, so it's not like I have a lot of options on my plate anyway. All I know is that, I have to get some cash, and get it soon. I don't want to be stuck living with two other guys for the rest of my life. I'm gonna need my own place.*

 *So IDK...*

*Well that's really all i have to talk about so far. I found this journal laying under a bunch of old CD's when I was cleaning up earlier, and thought it would be kinda cool to try jotting down my thoughts and shit.*

So far, I'm liking it, it makes a good place to vent and let loose some frustration.

## Entry 2: July 20, 2011

*Well today fucking sucked..woke up irritated as hell, partly wishing that i could've been sleeping on an actual bed, instead of Jerry's dusty ass couch...*

*Tony said I complain too much, but I can't help it, i just find new things everyday that piss me off...*

*After brushing my teeth and showering, i left the house around noon time, so i could pay blackie a visit to pick up my workload for the day.*

*He was a huge asshole like usual, him and his goons keep cracking stupid fucking jokes about my messed up teeth (have to get those fixed one day). I swear every word that comes out of his mouth is "snaggletooth this" or "snaggletooth that" He is annoying as fuck.*

*anyway, after leaving blackie's traphouse, I started my daily rounds, trying to track down any junkies that might be lurking about, I didn't sell as much as i would have liked too, was not that many people out today. the summer heat was probably why.*

*It was hot as hell outside, it was like 97 degrees or some shit. I sold my goodies until about 4 o'clock, and decided to wrap things up before the cops started to get antsy.*

*I only made 50 bucks today, which means I'm gonna have to grind super hard tomorrow if I wan't to have enough money to pay off blackie by Sunday. days like this make me frustrated as hell, just another day, another fucking problem..*

*Anyways, It's like 9 o'clock at night as I'm writing this, so I'm gonna get some rest for now..*

## Entry 3: August 19, 2011

*Damn it's been a while since I wrote in this old thing, damn near forgot about it (lol).*

*well a lot has happened since my last entry so i guess I'm gonna have to play catch up.*

*for starters, Jerry actually decided to try to clean up his place for once, but of course me and Tony had to help him. I had to move like ten fucking boxes full of garbage out of his apartment, shit was hard as hell. It made for a great bicep workout though.*

*some time after that, I had to help him clean out his closet, which meant I had to carry more boxes of his shit,  which sucked even more ass. we cleaned up for like 4 hours, before me and Tony finally called it a quit's.*

*I was hella tired after doing all that work, so i went right to sleep. I think i slept for like 9 hours straight, shit was krazy. all of this happened like two weeks ago.*

*More recently though, Tony hooked me up with this guy, so that I could get my own car, it's pretty cool. well, not really, but it does it's job like it's supposed to. It's a old 1999 black Cadillac, with a bunch of scratches and shit. It was super cheap though, I only spent 200 bucks on it. It runs well, and it came with some free rims, so that's all ways a plus. I drove around the block a couple times, and I got a few awkward looks from a few passerbyer's, I guess they aren't used to seeing cars from the last century (lol.)*

*Anyways, yesterday I had to talk to blackie and his crew, about my status and payment and whatnot. I asked him if he could increase my payment, cause  I'm outside everyday, risking my life and freedom, all just so his dark ass can come and take most of my earnings at the end of the week. To my surprise, he actually said yes. (Still can't believe it). So he said he would increase my payment by 25 percent, only under this one condition though.*

*He wanted me to cap someone for him. yep that's right, he wanted me to kill someone for him. He said he would give me a gun to do it and everything. He wanted me to take out this one white chick named Becky. He said that she was sleeping around with his crew and she came to one of their parties and got super fucked up and wasted. then he said one of his boys got a little too drunk, and spilled the beans on their entire operation. So he wanted me to take her out, just encase she could be a snitch.*

*Of course I said no, I might be desperate for cash, but not that desperate. Besides, knowing him, he was probably lying about the whole thing anyway. So in the end , it looks like I'm stuck back trying to make end's meat with the little money I'm making. I just might have to give up my dealing pretty soon, shit just ain't worth the risk.*

*IDK, I'll sleep on it.*

*Well that's pretty much all that has happened in the last month or so. I guess I'll write in this thing later.*

## Entry 4: August 25, 2011

*Not much went on today, aside from the usual.*

*Woke up, took a shit, showered, and kicked it with Tony for a bit, and then headed out the door, to collect my workload like all ways.*

*Blackie and his super friends cracked the same old teeth jokes for a like two minutes before finally giving me my shit, so i could sell it.*

*I tried out a few new areas to sell at, and things went okay. Manly just college kids looking to get fucked up before school starts back up in September. I sold a few dime bags and some other things, before wrapping shit up and heading home. Started to get hungry on the ride back to the crib, so i stopped at this one hole in the wall Chinese joint. They had the typical food you would come to expect, you know, fried rice and shit like that.*

*I had to wait for like fifteen fucking minutes before they brought my food out. It was worth the wait though. It was greasy as all hell, but still tasted good. I would it rate like 4 out of 5 stars (lol). anyways, after i got done with eating, i got back to the house around 7:30, and to my surprise, the place was pitch fucking black. Tony and Jerry must have been working late. I didn't mind, having the apartment all to myself seemed like a luxury.*

*I mean, don't get me wrong, Tony is my best homie, and Jerry's kinda cool too, but a little piece and quiet is something I have been needing for a long ass time now.*

*I hopped on the couch and rolled up a joint to pass the the time.*

*And that's were I am now. On the couch, smoking , and writing this shit.*

*In conclusion, Today wasn't that bad, but it wasn't that good either, it was just a day.*

## Entry 5: August 30, 2011

*I hate this day...*

*I hate this day, because it was the day when my entire life went to complete and utter shit. I hate this day, because my sister, who was just 11 years old, lost her life for no reason at all. I hate this day, because It reminds me that no matter how hard I wish shit could be different, she's still gone,  and gone forever.*

*Today is August 30th, which means it's the 2nd year anniversary of my sister, Mandy's passing.*

*Sounds insane when I say it out loud, because the shit hurt's like it was yesterday. I miss her more than anything in the world, even more than my mom who died back in 97'.*

*All of this damn self loathing, makes me feel like blowing my fucking brains out sometimes. But I know that wouldn't solve nothing, it would just make shit worse for other people.*

*Good People.*

*People like Jerry.*

*People like Tony.*

*Speaking of which, Tony said that I should smoke some weed to calm my nerves, so that's what I did. (Still feel like shit though).*

*I was feeling too depressed to go out dealing today, so I called up Blackie, and told him I would be late on giving him his cut of my dough this week. He sounded pretty pissed about it, but I really didn't give a fuck.*

*Matter of fact, it's kinda hard to find anything, that I DO give a fuck about these day's.*

*Anyway, I spent the rest of today smoking joints and flubbering over old pictures of her.*

*Truth be told, IDK If I'm gonna continue to write in this thing or not, because i'm feeling closer and closer everyday, to saying fuck everything and everybody, and just givin' the hell up.*

*Why did it have to be Mandy though?*

*My little sister.*

*My best damn friend.*

*My only family that wasn't a complete piece of utter horseshit.*

*Why did it have be her?*

## Entry 6: September 17, 2011

 *Well, it looks like I'm sticking to writing in this fucking thing after all (lol). I needed to clear my head after that day back in August, cause I was way too fucked up to continue writing.*

*But I'm feeling better now. I did a lot of soul searching, and decided to stop moping, and go out and do something to take my mind off of things. Jerry recommended that I go out and have some fun with Tony, since he was gonna be off of work for a few days. So that's what I did.*

*Me and Tony went to this titty bar last week, and it was kinda cool. It was packed like hell, but I didn't mind. Anything is better than sitting and doing nothing inside of that cramped ass apartment. Anyways, back to the story. When we walked in,There where a fuck-ton of half naked ass chick's walking around. Tony said that he could of gotten a few of their numbers if he wanted, but I told him he was too socially awkward for that. He just rolled his eyes, and ran off somewhere in the opposite direction.*

*So After that, I went up to the bar area, and took a few shots. I don't exactly remember what it was that I drank, but it was strong as hell,  made my throat burn like a bitch. So After fucking around with the bartender for a bit, I made way back over to Tony. He was talking to this blonde bimbo with huge ass triple d's (I'd suck on those!). They were talking about going to the back room. Which is where Lap dances, and all of that type of shit goes down. Tony cracked a few corny ass jokes, before she invited the both of us to the back room.*

*When we got there, I swore I heard the sound of some chick moaning. It wouldn't surprise me, if she was getting duffed out somewhere in the room. (That type of stuff happens a lot in places like this.)*

*Anyways, The blonde lady, sat Tony down in one of the chairs, near the back of the room. She started to grind on top of him and shit.*

*I was feeling kinda jealous, until this random chubby Asian chick, came out of fucking nowhere and guided me to a seat. Then she started to give me a lap dance. And I ain't gonna lie, shit was pretty damn good. She started grinding up on my crotch and shit, and had her titties all in my face. So naturally, Kody Junior started to get excited and ready for action (lol). I think she felt it rubbing up on her, because she started to blush and giggle like a little kid. It was awkward, but still a nice thing.*

*The night went on as expected, drinking, smoking, more lap dances. But I'm way too fucking lazy to write about the rest of that shit so I think I'm gonna stop here.*

 *I'm jotting this down on Saturday, so that means Blackie is gonna want his weekly cut of cash tomorrow. So I'm gonna go out and sell the rest of my goodies later on today.*

*I will update this shit some time later.*

## Entry 7: October 12, 2011

*Not much has been going on recently, well not much that is different from the usual shtick I guess. Been working my ass off selling shit for Blackie and his clique. I've made decent dough from it despite him taking cuts from my shit every week.*

*On a unrelated note, something kinda strange went down yesterday. When I came back from doing my usual, Tony and Jerry were arguing about bills and money and all this other bullshit. Jerry was saying that me and Tony use up too much electricity and shit. I was like, the fuck?*

*I'm hardly ever even fucking at the apartment, how in the blue hell do I use up too much power? Needless to say we all spent the rest of the evening bickering like a bunch of reality show housewife MILFS.*

*Three grown adults living under one roof together is typically a recipe for disaster anyways.*

*A bunch of arguing and word exchanging later, I got so pissed me and Jerry almost came too blows. Like I almost fucking punched his lights out. Tony had to hold me back and everything. I called him every name in the book.*

*Bitch, Dick, faggot, fucker, you name it. (It's kinda funny thinking back ).*

*But yeah, I was fucking LIVID. And I mean, fucking fuming.*

*I dunno what happened honestly. Like something inside me just fucking snapped. It was like a sudden urge to fuck shit up.*

*It was some Bipolar type of shit. Not saying that I'm actually bipolar, I've never been diagnosed with anything, so I think that I'm fine. The key word is "think" though.*

*I feel it's more or less that I've always kinda had these...mood swings since I was teen. Like I'll get super sad or pissed for no real reason.*

*Usually, I'll be back to normal in a flash, but sometimes they last for longer. I don't know. Some days I'm just a mess of fucked emotions. Anger and depression. I blame it on my sack of shit parents and my wonderful "childhood" they gave me and my sister.*

*Anyways, after I mellowed out, I apologized to Jerry. He said he forgave me and understood that I'm on edge but I could tell he was kinda lying. He was shaking and stumbling over his words. His eyes showed fear. You know that wondering gaze of unsure-ness in them.*

*I knew he was afraid of me.*

*I don't know if I should be prideful or disgusted by that or not.*

*Is there something wrong with me? I mean I know I got my issues (Mostly repressed childhood crap) but never in a million years did I think someone could be afraid of my tall lanky ass. Never.*

*I digress. The more shit that starts to look up for me, some fucking thing comes and knocks my ass back into the fucking dirt. Shit never fails to go bad when I'm doing good. Always. All-fucking-ways.*

*But If this is how things between the 3 of us is gonna play out, then I need to definitely need get my own place, and get it ASAP. Somewhere I can wallow in my problems by myself.*

*But really though, yesterday was fucking WEIRD.*

## Entry 8: October 22, 2011

*Today is October 22. Which is the day my moms died on back in '97. Sometimes I find myself reflecting on her and I don't even really know why. Honestly, My moms was kind of a weirdo. She was probably the most introverted workaholic in the fucking books. When she wasn't at work, she was talking to my Pops about what she did at work.*

*She was a teacher. As fucked as it sounds, we really didn't have much of a 'relationship'. She was kinda..just there. Like some random lady I just so happened to share a house with. Sometimes I feel like I miss her, and sometimes I don't.*

*Like part of me is bitter and the other part is grieving. It's really fucking strange. I feel like she never really knew how to be a real mom, ya know? Like, being a mom is more than just going to work and bringing home a paycheck. There's other shit you gotta do. Like talking about your feelings, or teaching you about girls. Shit like that. But I digress, I guess it's just one of the many things that's fucked up in my head.*

*If there is a heaven up in the sky, part of me hopes my Mom and Mandy got to meet each other and form a true relationship. That's the least they deserve. RIP to them both.*

## Entry 9: November 4, 2011

*Things have going up and down as of late. Some good. Some bad. I've been feeling pretty iffy on everything for a bit. Between my drug dealing and the whole fiasco that happened two weeks ago, I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around Jerry and Tony now. Feeling more and more isolated as the fucking days go by.*

*Tony said he's cool and doesn't feel any different about the situation. So I hope that's the actual truth. Still don't know why I blew up on Jerry like that though. Haven't felt anger like that since...well. Mandy.*

*On the other less angsty hand, I've been searching the internet and tabloid's for apartment's, and let me say it. Shit ain't cheap. I've talked to few folks on what would be the best way for a broke high school dropout like me, to go about getting my own place, and turns it's WAY fucking more complicated then I thought.*

*Credit score and all this other shit.*

*My deceased mother, and my drunk fucktard of a father never made an attempt to teach me none of this stuff. Just another thing that I got going against me. Honestly, I don't know what do at this point. I don't wanna stay at this hot ass place with two other dudes, who probably think I'm fucking Krazy. Krazy fucking Kody. (Sounds kinda lame but it fits.)*

*All in all, the best thing for me at this point is to start saving as much money as possible. Might have to hit up Blackie. Time for him to start paying more dough for my selling or I'm done with this shit. Hopefully I'm convincing enough.*

*I'll have to update this shit some other time.*

## Entry 10: November 10, 2011

*Okay, so shit has gotten pretty intense recently. Some serious stuff has gone down between me and Blackie and his cronies. I've had a lot on plate and have been weighing out my options heavy. Since my last entry and now, I decided a few days ago to hit him up to talk about my funding and all that other shit. After we said a bunch of crap I don't feel like recapping in this journal, he told me that he wanted to see me at his "base of operations" and we could talk more in person.*

*Part of me thought this possibly could be a set up but...at this point I really don't have any other choices on what to do. If Blackie was to stab me in the back, then whatever. Dying is something that I've never been afraid of anyway.*

*But I'm no fucking fool, If he truly wanted to kill me, he could've and probably would have done it months ago. If he actually had a reason too, but I'm pretty sure he has way more important folks on his hit-list besides my ass.*

*So anyway, I hopped in my busted up caddy and took like an hour long fucking drive to meet this fucker at his spot. I drove though this backwoods hick looking ass place. Forgot the name but it was pretty strange to see that type of stuff in Cali of all places. It reminded me of some shit you would see in the middle of Bumfuck Arkansas or some shit. Getting back on topic, So after that I eventually pulled up to this big ass abandoned sawmill thing. Looked pretty busted up and empty aside from the obvious tricked out SUV'S and lowrider's parked out front.*

*After giving myself a few pep talks, I got enough balls to walk up to the entrance, and to my surprise a bunch of Blackie's goons popped out of no fucking where and huddled around me, like I was some type of foreign animal they've never seen before. So naturally, I did what any sane person would do when being surrounded by a bunch of dudes in ski mask's and hoodies.*

*I defended myself.*

*I started throwing hooks and kicks at every fucker in my direction. I think I knocked at least two of 'em down before the numbers advantage took effect and I found myself swarmed by them. Right when I'm thinking that I'm fucked, I heard some motherfucker start hollering and yelling behind me. It was Blackie. He called off his lap dogs and started jogging over to me. As I was picking myself from off of the fucking dirt, I heard this smug prick chuckling under his breath.*

*I was confused as all hell, and he just started laughing even harder and the fuckers that had just jumped me all started chuckling and all that shit. I was like, the fuck? After he finished his lame ass bitch made laughing fit Blackie told me the whole shtick was just a "prank". Really motherfucker? A prank? (Pisses me off just writing about it) If I didn't hate this dickhead enough already, I hated his fucking guts even more now. After hearing that pitiful stupid fucking reason I suddenly felt that sudden burst of anger snap in my psyche again. The same anger that I felt when I almost falcon punched Jerry those weeks ago. I nearly felt myself go to attack Blackie, before I realized that would probably result in me getting killed right after, so I somehow held my instincts in check.*

*Anyways, to make a long story short He and Me talked for a bit about about what we needed to and once again he laid out a proposition for me. He said he would pay me more if I "took out" one of his rivals who was running their mouth about his clique or whatever.*

*I thought about it long and hard.*

*I mean I really did.*

*So much bullshit has gone wrong in my life.*

*Mandy dying.*

*My mom dying.*

*My pops being a piece of shit.*

*My best friend probably thinks I'm a fucking maniac.*

*I'm selling dope on corners for a dickhead.*

*Kody Hall ain't shit to no one.*

*My Life fucking sucks.*

*I'm so fucking tired of the world pissing and shitting on me. I've come to the conclusion...I just don't give a fuck anymore.*

*Fuck it.*

*So yeah, I told him that I'd do it. And then I left.*

*There ain't no turning back from this.*

## Entry 11: December 18, 2011

*It's been a hot ass minute since I last wrote in this thing. Mainly because so much has happened in the last month. Like for starters, I actually have my own apartment now. It's not pretty by any means (It's actually kinda cheap and bummy) by it's mine. And mine alone. After I did what I had to for Blackie, He offered to let me keep the gun, but I declined just in case he tries any dirty underhanded bullshit. (Not proud of what I did, but It was just a thing that happened. Nothing more.) He actually came around and started paying me a bit more cash. So the bastard actually kept his word. He's still a bitch, but a tolerable bitch.*

*When I told Tony that I was planning on moving he put me in contact with this kinda chill, but really sleazy ass landlord who said he'd let rent one of his rooms for while. Moving was pretty easy, aside from having to drive back and forth between Jerry's crib and mine. That shit took ages.*

*Aside from that, I've managed to actually do some personal things, like actually get a haircut for the first time in like a century. A Mo-hawk. Nothing special, but It feels good to actually be able to look in the mirror and have at least a tiny bit of self worth. (Still need to find a dentist or something for my fucked up teeth but still.)*

*Before I left, me and Tony talked for a while about things. You know, our lives and shit. I told him that I was sorry for nearly beating the fuck out of his cousin and for just being kinda of a dick in general. In typical Tony fashion he kinda just laughed it off and said some corny weird off kilter shit.*

*He called me Krazy. Not in a spiteful rude way, but like in a unhinged, unpredictable type of way.*

*And he is kinda right, I am pretty fucked up mentally.*

*Krazy ass Kody Jayson Hall.*

*Krazy ~~Kody~~?*

*Krazy ~~Jayson~~?*

*Krazy Jay? (Yep that's me.)*

*My man Tony. Always been a funny dude, a weirdo but still funny. We rolled up some spliffs and smoked for a bit and chilled. It felt nice for once, to not have to be so overwhelmed by all these emotions. To just get lost in the mist of shit, you know? But yeah, It was cool.*

*I've done a lot of soul searching and thought about what I truly wanted for myself. Do I really want to keep selling dope and risking my freedom for some prick who see's me as nothing but free weekly income?*

*Shit, I don't even really know.*

*Not like I have any other choices now, since I've technically become one of Blackie's go-to guys for his bullshit. Like I wrote in my last entry, I'm pretty much like fuck it at this point. What ever happens, happens at the end of the day. The world is a terrible fucking place any damn ways. Kids get shot down in the fucking streets like dogs and nobody gives a fuck. Women get raped for no reason. Shit is fucked. Why should I try to be some quote on quote good person for a society and government that's gives no fuck about me?*

*I've been spoon-fed donkey shit my entire life by mostly everyone I know (Except Mandy and Tony) and still I try to rise above it. And truth is, I don't feel like rising above it anymore.*

*Tony was right, I am fucking krazy. ~~I'm a piece of shit, and it ain't hard to fucking tell.~~*

*I just had to step away and cool down after writing that last bit. Kinda forgot where I was going with that. I just got a little bit lost in my feelings again, nothing major.*

*On a much lighter note, When digging in my boxes of old shit, I found an old hockey mask that I must've brought with me from Brooklyn, back when I moved down here to California last year. Might try decorating it up. Should have some spray paint laying around somewhere in this dump. Always was a big Friday the 13th fan.*

*So yep, That's all I can write for now. Hand is cramping up like a bitch, so I'll stop here. Talk to you later journal.*

## Entry 12: December 29, 2011

*Well what do you know, today's my birthday.*

*Lucky fucking me right?*

 *23 fucking years old. Can't believe it honestly. Never thought I would make it this far you know? Lots of kids who come from lacking families and got fucked up lives like mine, usually either end up in prison or in a graveyard six feet deep. Which actually might still end happening to me anyway, given my outside ventures.*

*Bought myself a small cake from the bakery place up the road, and sat in my living room in total silence like a weirdo. Ate some of it before just throwing the rest away. Woulda called Tony over for a smoke, but he had to work, plus I've kinda grown used to being alone by myself in my crib. When I write it down it sounds kinda sad and depressing, but it really wasn't.*

*Even before my life was as big of a fucking disaster as it is now, birthday's and holiday's were never something I really ever got too excited about. Never saw the point in overly huge celebrations for random ass things.*

*Speaking of celebrations, I did some more shit for Blackie the other day. He invited me to this Christmas party on this busy ass block in this rich neighborhood. Didn't wanna go TBH, but I knew this would be the perfect time to some extra work so I went.*

*Sold some weed to this group of junkie teens. Made a little bit of dough but nothing major. I probably would have stayed and chilled but the cops tend to patrol through neighborhoods like those, so I bounced pretty early just to be safe.*

*All in all, I been playing shit kinda mellow these last few days. Would be lying if I said that I wasn't slightly happy that 2011 is almost over. Year's been pretty shit. (Honestly every year since Mandy died has been shit but '11 was still pretty shitter though). I wanna believe that there is hope in my future, but I'm really not sure there is.*

*I know that I'm not making things any easier on myself by running around selling dimebags to teenagers, but I'm just doing the only shit I know how.*

*Can't draw for shit.*

*Can't sing or dance.*

*Not athletic enough for sports.*

*Got too many issues to be a qualified enough person to help other people.*

*Damn sure ain't devoted, willing, or even mentally stable enough to work a fucking desk job in some cubicle.*

*Having to take orders from some sweaty hack in cheap two-piece suit.*

*Never been good at shit.*

*Except for well...being a drug selling loner who's brain is permanently fucked into oblivion.*

*But If that's all I can be, then I guess I might as well try to embrace it at this point.*

*Look out world, have no fear your friendly neighborhood dope dealer Krazy Jay is here to stay, I guess. (New nickname alert!)*

*And yeah, the hockey mask I fancied up does go well with my black hoodie. It fits the whole edgy "don't fuck with me" type of look.*

## Entry 13: January 7, 2012

Happy fucking New Years.

Hooray. (If words could show sarcasm, this would be a perfect place)

So far this new year has been picking up pretty quickly from where 2011 left off. More or less of the same bullshit. Just wanted check in real quick. But there is something that happened to me that I think that I kinda wanna write about.

Maybe like two or three days ago when I was doing my typical shit, (AKA selling dope in a back alley in a neighborhood I've never been to before.) I was just about to wrap things up and head back home, when this motherfucker in a hoodie came jogging over to me real slow. Couldn't really make out the person's face, so that was pretty concerning. Naturally, I was a bit taken aback by that shit, so without even realizing, I had already yanked out my fists and was ready to fight if it came to it.

To my surprise, the figure in the hoodie started to call out to me and try to tell me that they were cool. The other thing that threw me off was the fact the voice coming from the hoodie was a chick's. (Not that I haven't sold shit to girl's before it's just never been in a situation like this) Her voice was kinda raspy and she sounded strange.

Pretty sure it was just me tripping from what was transpiring, but anyway. She took her hood down and walked over to me. I could see her face now pretty clearly now, and I'll say, she was unique looking. Not a fucked up way though. Had a tattoo on her neck that looked like it either came straight from Tony or someone he knows.

## Unknown Entry: October 4, 2012

*Well Journal, this is the big day I've been waiting on.*

*I mean, This is really it.*

*Me and Dustin are making the final push at Blackie today. We've taken down all of his trap-houses and all of his supply homes. The fucker is on his last legs now. Knowing him, he'll probably be held up at the big ass sawmill place. (The same one where I got jumped at a while back.) We stocked up on some extra ammo and shit from Slick, and put it all in the back of the junker. We will most likely head out at sundown since the fucking place is about a good hour away. TBH, I don't know how to feel. These last three month's have been super fucking insane.*

*I've got more blood on my hands then I ever thought humanly possible. And if I'm being true to myself, I'm not sure that I feel too "bad" about it. (Sounds pretty cold, but it's just how I feel). I gave up on most of my good morals a long time ago. I kinda just do whatever the fuck I feel like doing now. And besides, it's not like anybody is crying of over some dead gangsters anyway. I sure as hell know that I'm not. Anybodies who's a part of Blackie's crew, can kiss the barrel of my Deagle as far as I'm concerned.*

 *Although I've known the fucker for some time now, and we've done a lot of wild shit. I'm still not too sure about Dustin. He seems cool, but I feel like he's not all the way committed to this shit. Kinda like he's waiting on the right moment to bail on me. Like what is the plan after we cap this bitch Blackie anyway? Are we gonna tuck tail and run while the heat dies down? Or are we gonna continue cleaning up the streets of all these scumbags with no fucks given?*

*Eh, who the fuck even knows. I don't really give much of a shit either way. As long as Dustin stay's true to me, then I'm cool. Hopefully everything goes as planned. I might call up Jane later to hotbox some smoke before I head out.* *She's usually good company when we're both baked as fucked. (Might even be able to get in some quick sex if things go right lol).*

*But yeah, that's pretty much it. Gonna go take shower and probably give Jane a call, before I meet up with Dustin.*

*Hopefully by my next entry, Blackie's head will be on a fucking platter. I'm so fucking ready to gut this motherfucker.*

*HIS TIME IS UP.*

*HE'S ALL MINE.*

## Unknown Entry: December 25, 2013

*Some fucking Christmas this turned out to be. I'm feeling so fucking lost for words right now.*

*Just A few hours ago, I got some of the worst fucking news, that I have ever got before.(Besides 08/30/09). Because I just found out that, Tony, my best fucking homie, My fucking brother.*

*He DIED.*

*He got shot sometime last night. His shop was torched up pretty bad too. It's un-fucking-believable. I just talked to him two fucking days ago. This can't be real, can it? But it is. Tony is really gone, and I'm sitting here with no answer's to why.*

*Jane came by earlier and tried cheering me up, but I just told her to leave, cause I want to be left alone right now. All I want is to just drown myself in booze and weed. (Slightly high as I'm writing this.)*

*I talked to Dustin about finding the fucker's who did this to T, and he said him and Frosty are working on it. They better fucking hurry it up cause I'm so fucking hungry for revenge, it's not funny.*

*My fucking dude* *Tony man. I'm sorry this happened to you bro. You didn't deserve it.*

*Fuck this is a nightmare*.