Corn (A Fanfiction)

So, my original 'every fandom I know' fanfiction has died. Sad. But, now... WE'RE BACK! With UPDATED characters! And a couple more appearances from fandoms that I'm not in.

## Prologue

"AAAAAAAA"

"You can stop screaming."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAA"

The purple-haired possible vampire gave an annoyed sigh. She popped the bubble floating beside her, and crushed the pink gemstone with an oversized sword that may or may not have previously belonged to Link.

"One fandom down... a million more to go," she hissed, eyes bright with *fury*. The screaming, tiny former Sea Dragon abruptly stopped screaming with the terror of a thousand sheep.

"You killed an entire *fandom*!" the Wodensfang gasped.

"Yes. Yes, she did," a stylish Jacob smirked. Courtney froze and turned 180 degrees to look at him.

"No OCs," she said firmly.

"Shut up, I'm important!" the ice fox yelped, throwing a knife at her.

"I think she meant 'no good characters'," Wodensfang coughed. And then it dawned on him.

"Oh dear."

And then, the few good characters who were there were chased out by the Corn Queen. An unimpressed cyborg watched, her blonde hair flowing in the gentle breeze. She frowned, and held up a sword made of corn.

"Tonight, this place DIESSSSSSS!!!!" she screamed, and swung it at the air. The SeaWing beside her rolled his eyes.

"Mum, you're sooooooo embarrassing."

And thus, our story begins.

## Chapter One: Shadowbinder

"You're telling me she's a VAMPIRE?" the dragon snorted.

Jacob looked up at her determinedly.

"Yes, and she's going to kill all the fandoms, Shadowmother!" he roared at the Shadowbinder. She rolled her eyes and replied, "Meh, whatever." and rolled back over. Jacob wrinkled his nose, and held up a paw, inspecting it. With a nasty squelching sound, he managed to pull it loose from the shadow goop.

"I keep on telling you, this *won't work*! Courtney has powers beyond your imagination, and allies more powerful than this entire kingdom combined! The only hope is to reach the original Corn Queen!" the poor Wodensfang squawked, flapping furiously to keep clear of the sea of black saliva. Jacob eyed him.

"What?"

"You sound like Caliburn."

"Speak of the devil...!" Wish cried out triumphantly, riding by on a bus with Caliburn.

"HOW IS THE BUS ON WATER?!" the Wodensfang shrieked.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, BUT IT SURE ISN'T WATER!" Caliburn replied. Both allies-that-nobody-listens-to sighed. The bus slowed down, and Jacob looked at the Wodensfang. The Wodensfang looked at Jacob.

"Let's get on," Jacob sighed, defeated. The two got on the bus. A small dragon - though bigger than Jacob himself - was sitting opposite Wish and Caliburn. The RainWing beamed at Jacob and the Wodensfang, and waved a bright pink paw.

"Kinkajou, Kinkajou, Kinkajou..." the grumpier female RainWing beside him sighed, shaking her head, "You're going to blind us all." Kinkajou glared at her, and turned an even brighter pink. From somewhere in the back of the bus, a cat screamed, "OH, STARCLAN, IT'S TOO BRIGHT!" Jacob had the fright of his life when, all of a sudden, a *spoon with eyes* popped out of Wish's long, wild hair.

(A.N.: The spoon is actually a real thing in the book that Wish and Caliburn come from.)

## Chapter Two: The Shorter Knight Bus

The driver, an unenthusiastic green fae called Swipp, turned his head to look at them. His frills suggested that he didn't feel much at all.

"Oh, another two passengers," he said, in a monotone voice, and held out a paw. "Coins, please."

"SEEEEE?! I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU TO CARRY A PURSE, JACOB, AND YOU ***DIDN'T LISTEN***!" the Wodensfang shrieked.

"The purse was bright pink," Jacob murmured, going blue with embarrassment.

"Okay. You can ride anyway. Nobody here has Sornieth coins. So I don't know why I even bother," the bus driver said in that same monotone voice. As they made their way to an open seat, the Ice Fox could hear Swipp muttering, "It's a shame Shunspike and Prang left."

On their way, they passed an orange cat reading *The Clan Chronicle*. Jacob got a glance at the article the bored cat was reading. It said 'SHOCKING! SKYCLAN APPROVED?'. He didn't understand, but the cat seemed to. Well, not really. He was mumbling, "Really, I don't understand these young cats... Back in MY day, we only had to worry about evil rogues and the Dark Forest..."

Three young SandWings, two of them scarred and one of them with a scarf, were knitting. The scarred ones seemed to not be enjoying it, while the one with the scarf did. A haughty cat pushed Jacob out of the way, and leapt into the lap of the one with the scarf. She looked horrified, as he undid all her hard work.

"However could you *do* such a thing?" she gasped, and her largest sister snickered.

"There's nothing the Rum Tum Tugger enjoys like a *horrible* muddle, *everyone* knows that!" she snorted.

The messy cat opened his eyes and winked at the SandWing. She winked back. The fashionable sister looked annoyed, but couldn't do anything, because pushing cats off laps was illegal. The cats knew this, and took advantage of it. So did cat owners with enemies.

Jacob sat down next to a Night Fury. The Wodensfang struck up a conversation with the black dragon *immediately*.

The bus started, and Jacob glanced out of the window. The glass was getting sprayed with the black liquid that may or may not have been the Shadowbinder's spit. He wrinkled his dark blue nose.

With a jump, the vehicle sped off. Jacob hooked his claws into the seat and held on for dear life.

(A.N.: Tell me if you want someone (OC or otherwise) to be included!)

## Chapter Three: Goodcity

As quickly as it started, the bus abruptly stopped.

"Goodcity," a mechanical voice announced, and Jacob got up. He had somehow ended up on top of the fashionable SandWing, who was on the floor.

"Is this bus *safe*?" the concerned Wodensfang asked the driver. Swipp sighed, or as much as a Fae could sigh.

"No, but all the other buses were destroyed in the last Furious raid."

Most of the various creatures got off the bus, when the doors opened. Wish stumbled out, looking dizzy but happy.

"Wow! I never knew it was like *that*!" she chattered to the spoon perched on her nose. It seemed vaguely worried/distressed. Caliburn was perched on her head, looking out for danger that wasn't there.

Ah, the city of Goodcity.

A sprawling metropolis, full of talking cats and dragons of all shapes and sizes, and a lot more things like that, including humans. And the only villains were the ones who did pretty much nothing wrong. The two scarred SandWings watched enviously as their smaller, cleaner sister stepped off.

"I wish *we* had Good Cards," one of them growled, and the other replied, "Yes, Burn, but apparently The Author thinks that *she* did nothing wrong, while *we're* as bad as Sharptooth." The Author was a mysterious figure, who apparently ruled over the entire planet, often behind various lesser rulers. It was said that she liked chocolate. That would explain the absurd amount of sweet shops, at least.

"Zzzz," the Wodensfang growled. No, really. He was literally saying, "Zed, zed, zed, zed." in an annoyed tone.

"Home at last!" Jacob cheered, and the brown dragon stared at him.

"Jacob," he said in a worried voice, "We've only been away for two hours."

"I don't care!!" the Ice Fox screeched, throwing a stick at the Wodensfang.

A passing Deadly Nadder caught the stick mid-air.

"I think we've got an over-abundance of dragons," Wish said casually. The black dragon snorted and replied, "You think? The Author has enough of an obsession with them as it is, let alone dragging them into her fanfiction!" and glared right at Chipper.

~ ~ ~

"I regret nothing," Toothless's ghost said, having been crushed by the Fourth Wall and the Author's anger.

## Chapter Four: The Knight Bus (again)

"Turns ooouuut..." said the Wodensfang, "...we got off at the wrong stop."

"Also, we were going to tell them about the vampire, too," Wish pointed out. She got distracted by a viking version of herself called Camicazi and a beautiful mood dragon. And so, they got back on the bus.

"Ah, back again, are we?" Blister hissed to herself, glaring at the heroes/heroines for daring to be so *good*. The heroes (Jacob, the Wodensfang, Caliburn, Wish, Camicazi, the Stormfly, the Spoon and a random sword that the Wodensfang and Caliburn had named 'Deathslayer') sat down on the seats, and held on tight. A black dog-thing with red eyes and yellow circles stumbled onto the bus and sat down near Jacob.

"?" the Umbreon said beautifully.

"What?" Caliburn asked, perched on Wish's head. He seemed to be doing a lot of perching.

"~ ~ ~!" the Umbreon laughed.

"Please stop," Bodkin grumbled. Wish pushed him off the bus, along with the Umbreon, who looked outraged. The bodyguard shrieked as he was crushed underfoot by a Monstrous Nightmare.

"hello," said Luna Lovegood.

"Why do you talk like that?" Caliburn asked.

"like what."

"Like *that*."

"please dont break the fourth wall. we cant afford all of the plasters," Miss Lovegood sighed.

"There *issss* no fourth wall!" Ariel the Sprite hissed.

"oops. i guess we broke it again. hey! look! theres a nargle in your hair... stay veeeery still..." Luna hit Ariel with a newspaper and started apologising, "sorry, sorry. it got away."

The crushed sprite raised a tiny fist and shook it at Luna Lovegood, his eyes full of fury.

Then, the air was torn apart. A million different worlds were each seen, very briefly, inside the wound. It glowed like a glowstick in the dark. Confusing shapes could be seen inside the glowing thing, vaguely familiar. This was a portal.

And then Bodkin fell through, along with Queen Sychorax.

The entire bus went silent, for a moment.

The queen looked up. She was quite a sight - hair messy, crown barely hanging on, cloak torn to shreds...

The Warrior-Who-Wanted-To-Be-A-Sorceress gave the audience one horrified look, then dived back into the portal. It closed behind her, as if it had never even been there.

"THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!" Luna screeched, tossing a dead parrot at Caliburn. Caliburn gasped, "NI!"

"Look, look here, right? This- won't work. Monty Python isn't about randomness, it's about- about surreality! Right?" Blister gasped.

"this fanfiction isnt very normal though. it eats the right side of a childhood friends face."

"What do you-?"

"OW!"

"GET OFF MY TAIL!"

"get off my toes then!"

***"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"***

Everybody paused, and turned to look at the doors. That scream was one that only Alex could produce. And there they were.

Two human(oid)s. Both with very messy hair. One was basically a male version of Kensa, the other was a young Pokemon Mistress. She glared up at the Fanon Beast Quest Alex.

And he burst into flame.

"AWESOME!" Cloudkit screeched. The female Alex gave the kit a thumbs up, before pushing her black hair away from her face. She pushed the male Alex off the bus.

"Could we *please* get going now?" the Rum Tum Tugger sighed.

[WIP]