AMBiTiON/Story/Ch. 17

## Chapter 17 - Bye

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"I'm gonna go, Hiro-tan!"

With the ringing of the dismissal bell, Aki waved to Chihiro. "Oh, Aki-yan. You said you have to go home and take care of chores or something?"

"Mhm," confirmed Aki. "Normally I would've done them yesterday to make up for today... but since rehearsal's cancelled now, I'm going home to get it done. Just so I can have some free time at night," she gave a sheepish smile. "Can't be helped. It's nice to spread out my chores this time, though. Welp, see ya!"

Bidding the keyboardist a hesitant goodbye, Chihiro watched Aki exit the classroom door before burying her face in her arms. She hoped this would be the last time she had to lie to everyone… But who was she kidding? "A new Chihiro Satou." - Ugh. She was just as bad of a person as before.

Over Wednesday and Thursday - the last two days - Chihiro managed to patch together a plan.

She, in a group text excluding Aki, informed the remaining three to cancel rehearsals for Friday, the current day. "Kinda sick for some reason... and well, there's something else important," she said. As good a liar as ever, probably her one and only skill. Izumi, Sorae, and Mai were skeptical for obvious reasons, but complied. They would sort out their skepticism later.

Next Chihiro passed the message on to Aki. Thanks to the info from the purple-haired girl's... terrifyingly honest ramble, Chihiro figured that she'd now be busy with home. And Aki wouldn't be the type to argue against Chihiro's excuse, no matter how stupid. As much as the vocalist knew it wasn't right to exclude Aki from this mess, Chihiro was too afraid to face her for now - not with how much trust she put on her.

With Aki forcibly kept away, it should hopefully fall into as much of a plan as Chihiro had come up with. The next step was to meet with Sorae - That girl should arrive any moment.

…

Oh god this plan was ridiculously roundabout, why was it actually working--

"Chihiro-chan?"

"Eek! A-Ah, Sorae-chan, you're here." A voice derailed her train of thought, and Chihiro jerked her head up from the desk to face Sorae. Since rehearsal didn't happen for the day, of course the girl wouldn't be carrying her bass around. Sorae's already disheveled hair seemed even messier.

There was a glint of concern in her amber eyes, as she spoke quieter than normal. "We're gonna visit Haneoka… right?"

"Mm. Right." Getting up from her chair, Chihiro got her bag and left with Sorae. Students filled the hallways, a lively atmosphere floating among them.

They tried talking about the band or about anime, but both being socially stupid, they stopped immediately upon feeling that tense air creep in.

The two girls soon stepped outside, where the sun, for once in the rainy season, shone like a gentle pat on the head. Cars buzzed by, the noise like that of occasional, ambient static, paired with sunlight that seemed to burn a little on the surface of Chihiro's hair. Summer really was approaching fast. She had promised Mai before that all five of them would hang out during break, though with what Chihiro had planned to do, she predicted that wouldn't happen anymore.

How funny. A plan to counteract the consequences of another. Chihiro couldn't believe that she was so confident about manipulating people for her own benefit before. From the looks of things, she was going to regret the plan for today as well...

Chihiro was honestly quite surprised she somehow made a course of action that functioned fine so far. Any less dumb than she already was - if that was possible - and Chihiro might have resorted to putting Aki in mortal danger just to stop her from getting involved with this. There's your suffering, Aki-yan.

Haha. Now, wasn't that comedy gold?

… Don't think about the final step please don't think about the final step. Wait, shouldn't she be considering what to say? Ah, no point in it, Chihiro would never do it right. Wait, shouldn't she at least try? Ah, no point in it, nothing will work out. Wait...

Unknowingly sinking into the depths of her daydreams, Chihiro snapped out of her bland-toned self narration when the timid girl beside her slowed to a halt.

"Sorae-chan…?"

"Uhm, Chihiro-chan…" Sorae had her hand up to her face, paranoia lighting a flickering fire in her downcasted eyes. "W-Why… isn't Aki-chan here?"

Though the pink-haired girl was her upperclassman, Chihiro still felt a pang of pity jabbing her heart. Everyone trusted her too much, yet her pedestal was built of rickety lies. "I'll, uh… explain when we get there, when everybody's with us."

With the screaming silence growing between the pair, Chihiro was almost glad when they arrived at the gates of Haneoka. Until she realized that it was finally time to face everyone. Well, everyone except for Aki.

Izumi and Mai greeted them, but the uneasiness only grew louder. The curly-haired drummer wasn't so bubbly anymore.

"'Kay, you here to say something? Please feel right at home," Straight to the point, Izumi interrogated with a silky veil of passive-aggressiveness laced on at the end.

Chihiro nodded stiffly. "Yeah, well... not with so many people around."

Shifting to Mai's side, Sorae murmured something inaudible to the slightly taller, forest-haired girl. Mai acknowledged her with a quiet mutter and turned to inform the nerve-wracked Chihiro. "If it's that important, you three can follow me."

Mai whipped around and began walking away, Sorae now beside her. Keeping a close watch on Chihiro, Izumi beckoned. "Hiro-tan, come on! You're the guest~."

"O-Okay." Chihiro's voice shook as she trailed after the three. What was she going to say? How would she summarize it all? Should she make it sound less bad than reality? Wait, why would she even consider that? Hadn't she lied enough already?

The world wobbled like a boat caught amidst a thunderstorm at sea. Chihiro forced deep breaths, which only made the dizziness in her head worsen. She studied her feet with every disorienting step, only looking up occasionally to catch up after the three. She definitely felt sick now. Maybe facing forward would loosen her vertigo, but Chihiro didn't dare keep them within her eyesight.

Aaand she stepped into a dumb puddle. Now isn't that just great. But she continued to glare at her shoes, lost in a trance of confusion and fear.

How did she even get here? Nothing but stupid plan after stupid plan. Ripples after ripples. Rain after rain. Future idiot after past idiot.

Finally coming to a stop, Chihiro made herself glance up. This was it. She couldn't turn back. She was here to confess everything, and she was going to. Yet Chihiro couldn't help but be unsettled by the silent solitude of Haneoka's side of the school, what with the dreary shadows casted, suffocatingly unmoving air, and the three girls kept in wait, standing before her.

Somehow Sorae looked more relaxed once they arrived at the secluded location. 'Oh please don't,' Chihiro wished she could say, 'Don't get your hopes up.'

"So, Chihiro-san?" Tactfully approached Mai, stoic curiosity in her russet eyes. "What are you here to discuss?"

The brown-haired girl leaned against the unfamiliar school building. Inwardly panicking, she tried to collect her thoughts as fast as possible, but it was like picking them up with butter fingers. Chihiro's brain raced to come up with something, anything to begin with:

"U-Uh, I never cared about any of you!"

AAAAAAAGH!! She had to pick that intro out of every one available?! Oh, god, it's started. It's a one way road with no U-turn. A maze with no exit. Like being trapped in a void that was jelly at the same time, the goo leaking into Chihiro's mind as she scrambled for words, the pressure forcing into her head with more strength than ever. Her brain was goo. And with the shocked gazes burning into her, Chihiro may as well melt into a puddle.

The previously comforted Sorae's eyes widened, her body trembling. Even Mai seemed slightly taken aback. Izumi, however, continued to stare at Chihiro with no change in her stance, her teal eyes dyed with sarcasm.

"Ah, very direct. I like it." Izumi's snarky response wasn't like her usual, nonchalant self. It was worse. Her voice flat with boredom, Izumi wasn't even looking at Chihiro anymore. She predicted this. She'd known this was coming.

Barely recovering from that sudden sentence, Mai kept her cool as best as she could. "H-Hm. Would you mind… going into detail?"

Chihiro was paralyzed from what already happened. And it was about to worsen. She, not able to face them any longer, fixed her gaze to the ground.

"I… Crap. Uh, that's the jist of it. I-I never intended to care about any of you to begin with…" She weakly told them. "You know why I started the band? I didn't care about music, or bands, or w-whatever. You know what I really wanted? Worthless popularity points. You know why I chose to be the vocalist? 'Cause I didn't care enough to learn anything that took too much effort, in my mind. None of you here, not Izumin, Sorae-chan, Mai-san, not even Aki-yan, um, none of you were gonna mean anything to me… I just needed people to fill in band roles, but I never planned on caring. I was gonna leave you all in the dust when it was over. In fact, I didn't even like you." Oh, was she going on a tangent?

"Izumin? When I first met you, all I could think was that you're some weird, quiet kid that happened to be the size of a rat. Sorae-chan, plain and simple, antisocial shut-in. And Mai-san… Well, it was probably the same reaction as everyone else. Basically, I didn't care about you guys, I just... wanted everything for myself.

I-I don't know how it ended up like this," Chihiro's breathing quickened, "but I… wanna say you're my friends. Even though I don't deserve you guys. The worst part is that-- that I tried to deny it. When I realized I started actually caring, y'know, like a real person, I… didn't want to admit it. What, just because no one cared about me, means I shouldn't care about anyone either? Means I have the right to be such a prick about this? Means I get to treat you guys like crap?"

A ball of words choked in Chihiro's throat, more thoughts floating in her mind. "Maybe I'm making it too big of a deal. Squeezing as much attention outta this mess as I can. I never ended up going through with the plan anyways, and it's not like you guys caught on. Most of you," she impulsively shot a quick look at Izumi.

"But-- But I'm just scared. Not of what I did, but what I didn't. Scared of what I could've done to you had I went ahead with it, like, in some alternate universe… where I was at least stubborn enough, or spiteful enough to do it. And in some screwed up way, I think it's even more frustrating how I never did all that!"

"What...?!" Izumi spat under her breath.

Chihiro went on, slowly losing grip of what was coming out of her mouth. She really was terrible. "I-I don't know! It's just… if I actually managed to manipulate you guys, at least I could clearly brand myself with the 'bad guy' stamp. But what am I now? I have no clue! I'm hating on you left and right and regretting it all at the same time. It is SO pathetic. And all I can do is rake in pity points by calling myself an imbecile. After. ALL. Of that stupid 'I-dunno-if-I'm-bad-or-not' act of mine.

D-Do you guys get it? I'm horrible! None of you ever mattered to me! And I won't justify it. I can't! I won't try and prove that I can still redeem myself." Her teeth clenched, Chihiro lowering her head further so as to hide her face from the three.

"If you need to hate me, go ahead. Hate me. I won't argue against it, because I agree."

She let out a painful sigh. It had all been said. Who was she joking, though? There was definitely something she missed, something she was still subconsciously hiding from them. The speech ended on a sombre quote, the hole that was Chihiro's bitter rant replaced with a faraway choir of birds accompanied by faint voices of Haneoka students. It was too quiet. It was agonizing.

Chihiro finally lifted her head, only to be met with Sorae who was now the one with her face downturned. The vocalist caught a glimpse of Sorae's amber eyes, glazed over with tears. Oh. Oh no. The messy-haired girl wasn't full-on crying, however. Sorae simply stood there, noiseless, weeping as she soaked in every piece of information. Slowly having the realization that she never mattered anyways, with each tiny sob every few seconds.

For some reason Mai gently held the hand of the tearfully quiet girl, seemingly odd for the stoic guitarist, but the least of Chihiro's concerns at the moment.

Despite Izumi's lack of reaction, Chihiro was the most afraid for her, gaining an aura of hostility - One that Chihiro hadn't encountered in what felt like a long, long time... Not since she first recruited her, when the short girl was still Takimoto-senpai. She had a defensive glare as she kept a straight face, defying no emotion.

It could have been a stupid move to talk to Izumi directly, yet Chihiro did it anyways. "You were right. Izumin, remember when I let you join? You said all that about 'people like me'. I didn't get it before, but I do now. Y-You're good at telling who's a bad person and who's not, you know."

There was a pause. Izumi shrugged, uncaring. "It's not that I'm smart, just that the world's predictable."

"... If I may ask, Chihiro-san," Mai interrupted their staring contest, "where IS Aki-san?"

Her heart skipped a beat. "I-- about that..." Chihiro struggled to keep her voice steady.

"The other day-- what was it, the day before yesterday? A-Anyways, um… Aki-yan was telling me…" She trailed off as Chihiro wondered if Aki would be okay with revealing the info from their conversation.

"You know what? N-Nevermind. It was just depressing. Don't think she'll let me tell you all that for her, but I'm sure she'll do it herself at some point. Uh…" Chihiro paused for a shaky breath before she went on. "She said a ton of stuff that was so terrible and depressing, b-because she trusted me with it. I don't know why she would trust me, but she did."

Chihiro had to recall Mai's question to continue. "... Right, so now that she told me all that… I'm too scared to tell her all of my stuff. I don't want to upset Aki-yan… she just trusts me too much." Though she very much wanted to tell the truth to everyone, Chihiro was too afraid of breaking Aki's trust to confess to her -  Even if, on that day, she vowed to apologize to everybody. Oh well, Chihiro was never known as a girl of her words.

She swept her anxious gaze across the three girls. Sorae hadn't spoken a word to begin with, meanwhile Mai still tried to process everything behind her distant brown eyes. Once again though, Izumi was perfectly okay. With a voice edged with disdain, the drummer finally said something.

"Huh, I knew it. No one's to be trusted. I can only rely on myself." The words were drawn out in a slow, sarcastic way, letting the vocalist take in every. Single. Word. Her turquoise eyes were stained with resentment, glaring at Chihiro in pure hatred. She turned away from everyone as Izumi stepped closer to the mouth of the alley-like area. "You suck at lying. You ARE sick.

Bye." Around the corner Izumi disappeared, and just like that, she was gone.

Completely, utterly, gone.

Unable to repress her emotions any longer, Chihiro felt her legs buckle beneath her and she dropped to the ground. Her spine was still against the wall when Chihiro sat there, hopeless, helpless, wishing for a way out. But there was none.

She could only accept it. It was all she knew how to do.

"Bye," she muttered to herself.

The two remaining froze for a bit, staring at the situation. Then Mai, looking down at Chihiro, sighed and headed out of the cramped area with one last, pitying look back.

Chihiro watched Sorae's shoes as she frantically tap-danced between exiting and staying. 'Go already,' thought Chihiro, 'just for your own good, you don't have to stay with me.'

The strawberry-haired girl did leave, but not without a few hesitant words with fearful eyes. "C-Chihiro-chan… You can't be as bad as you say."

And everyone was gone. Everyone but Chihiro, sitting there in the shadows, her face buried within her knees. Was it a bad idea to sit on the wet ground? Yes. Was it a worse idea than manipulating people for her own benefit? Well, wasn't the answer obvious?

Chihiro didn't cry or anything, just… sitting there. She wasn't aware of how long she stayed. The only thing she knew was that everything was bound to go south from the beginning.

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## Trivia

* Upon reading this story, the song another 3:32am is unlocked.