Kisaragi Heavy Industries Goes Wire to Wire at Monaco

Bandrew Aenson | Formula D

Time is a construct man, stay woke

Skid Baggs takes the checkered flag at Monaco, holding off late rallies from Ted Cruise and Mac McCool.

Race Recap

I am braking.

I am breaking.

I am in my study.

It has been three weeks since race day. My thoughts are sluggish. Is it the henny or the talons of the decelerator clawing at my neurons? I’m not sure there is a difference.

My nagging wife tells me we need to go to therapy. That my weekly peyote-fueled trips aren’t helping our marriage. As if a few sessions with some shrink could possibly combat the sloth in my soul.

I haven’t heard the song of the speed god since Monaco. But I still look for his subtle touch wherever I go. Like no cars DNFing, or a crisp tenner I found in my pocket this morning. The last thing he said to me was “hey watch what I’m about to do to McCool.” Then nothing.

The Stewards, those fools in their ivory tower, have been silent as well. Dale, the Herald has not been seen in public for two weeks. Do they know something we don’t? Or does the speed god no longer whisper sweet nothings in their ears?

Without him I am lost, like tears, in the rain.

Three Weeks Prior

I am floating.

I am entropy.

I am speed.

Raucous cheers from the Monacan crowd snap me back to reality as Baggs flies across the finish line for the clubs first victory of the season. Sweat drips from my brow and I realize how parched I am. I reach for my four loko but it turns to ash in my hand. Surely an omen, but of what?

The ayahuasca I smoked with my spirit guide Pedro is wearing off. I still feel the hands of the speed god caressing my body, but the crushing weight of reality is slowly seeping back in. It takes every fiber of my being to saunter over to the paddock.

I greet several TPs along the way and make note of the skinwalker standing in the press tent. It doesn’t have a press pass.

Standing next to the skinwalker is a PR rep whose hat is waving to me. Neither the hat nor the rep have a press pass.

The PR rep tells me his name is Johnathan. The skinwalker is Charles. I do not believe in Johnathan. He is not part of my vision quest this day.

Apparently the duo was appointed by Cecil of Kisagari with the stated purpose of giving support for turbot review. But I know better. They’re just here for the hors d’oeuvres and to prevent another politically incorrect statement.

Winners Circle

A titan of manufacturing, Kisagari Heavy Industries made a surprise foray into the world of Formula D last year.

The largest auto-producer in the world, KHI is better known for quantity over quality - and through the first several races this season that seemed to be the case for their racing team as well. However, a string of strong finishes culminating in victory at Monaco, the crown jewel of the sport, have reversed their fortunes in a major way.

I sit down with the teams hot shot racer Skid Baggs in the press tent. Is he dripping wet from the celebratory pool jump, or am I still hallucinating?

Bandrew: “So Mr Baggs” I begin.

Baggs: “Skid, my old man is still on this side of creation and I don’t go by the family name until its inherited”

Okay then, Skid, you’ve enjoyed some pretty substantial success in both races you’ve represented your team in. Do you have any thoughts on that?

“Eh not really. I told Cecil I was the best damn racer he was ever gonna get and he found that out the hard way wasting 2 other races on that dud Taki.”

Do you have any thoughts on Taki’s disappearance?

“Not really, people come and go. He could have disappeared outta shame, then again maybe he is 5 feet under, either way doesn’t make a difference to me.”

The last race was Kisaragi’s first gold and only their second podium, what was the moment you knew you pulled away?

“Not until the last turn, that son of a bitch Ted Cruise only won the other race because of a freak turn that should have obliterated his car. I’ve got his number now though, he can keep the second place spot for all I care.”

Thanks for your time today Skid, do you have anything you’d like to say to your fan base thats popped up overnight?

“I do, if you see me on the street leave me the fuck alone.”

Certainly not the most friendly racer there is, but no one can deny that whatever Cecil paid Skid to come out of retirement, he’s getting his money’s worth.

———-

Next up: Singapore

## Out of Game

This article was written by Kyle Ritter, with MIchael Stocker providing Skid Baggs' quotes.