051015 - Shimmer

The Shimmer was the first thing I saw through my cracked optics.

The reflective green light shone upon me in brief flickers, as I first felt the painful return to consciousness, a scream that wracked though my whole frame but died upon my lips as my faceplate muffled the scream. The damage was fatal, at least that's what my systems were telling me between bursts of static from my one good optic.

I ran a brief diagnostic in order to try to get some semblance of what condition and state my frame was in. The results were about what I had feared and expected as my body continued to tell my net that it was time to rest. To shut it down and turn in. The shimmer was here. Embrace it, let it lead you on into the all-spark.

As I looked skywards, I realized that I could not determined how far I must have fallen. None of the area looked familiar to me, in the least. There was no light here. Only darkness.

And the Shimmer.

I had been down for.. at least five cycles, according to my internal chronometers. It may have been longer. No telling how long, truthfully. My repair systems had thrown me into a temporary stasis lock at some point and it had only been through sheer willpower that I had been able to override it the first time.

It gave me a chance as I laid there to gather my thoughts and realized how I had come to be down here, so far down in the Pit.

Zeta had removed my arm. I remember that pain greatly. And it seemed that all had been lost - until the plan had come to fruition. Through the providing of at least a stalling tactic, Megatron had been given the time he needed to get into the physical range of Zeta Prime.

I remembered feeling the heat of his fusion cannon as Zeta's head was obliterated, bringing the mech to his knees. Ending the Primes. A beacon. A hope, at least that's how I thought I would have seen it through. I had gotten to my feet. I needed to get the call out. Rally the remaining Autobots. Together, we would forge ahead as a force that Megatron would clearly have to see as equals.

I never heard the words from Megatron's mouth. But I realized -- too late -- what his master motive had been. As the heat filled my back and then burst though the front of my chest, I had no time to dwell on the betrayal that I felt at the hands of the master manipulator. Only regret.

Ariel had warned me. Stay safe, she had said. I failed her. I hadn't been safe. The Autobots that had followed me to Nyon and then to Kolkular. Ironhide, Bumblebee, Hound. Those that had arrived in Kolkular later. Arcee, Springer. Those that had stayed behind to battle Zeta's tyranny. Feint. I had failed them all. And my trust in Megatron. I had failed myself.

"Come." my voice, cracked and strained, begged the Shimmer. "I am ready."

But it wouldn't come. It continued to reflect over me. Bathing me in it's gentle green light. I wasn't sure what I had done. Was it taunting me? Making every last moment drag on so I can continue to list my regrets?

I could no longer just lay there and wait for it. I would go to the Shimmer.

As I rolled over, my whole left side felt numb and dull. It was mostly gone. Between Zeta Prime's removal of my arm and Megatron's blast, there was little left. I made it into the pool of energon that had drained from me and pushed myself up onto my good arm. And that's when I saw it.

The harsh green glow of my own spark reflecting to me in the pool of energon, coolants and various other fluids that had spilled from my frame. It was not the Shimmer come to take me to the All-Spark.

It was my own Spark forcing me to soldier on.

I laughed. For a long time, until I could only roll on my back and close my optics I laughed. I laughed until the pain overtook me again and forced me back into shutdown.

I was alive. And that was the best I could hope for.