273: Loaded Baked Potato Water

## Summary

Batthwack discovers that the calliope's music desk is actually a shield etched with a waterfall, and Raphina finds a very useful drying rack on the instrument. Everyone gets the sense these items were intended for them. The group are forced to staff the reception desk while Gareth recovers and there they meet none other than Aunt Bootie, who's house has been burned down by the Ricardo automaton. Aunt Bootie's remarkable insight has revealed to her all that has been going on and she tells them of a dream she had in which she saw dark powers escaping Barovia.

## Synopsis

Stunned by the realisation that this calliope has a waterfall etched into it, Batthwack immediately regrets knocking Gareth out. He hands Gareth's coin pouch to Will to see if it gives any clues as to who he is, but he finds nothing and hands it back and Batthwack stows it carefully back on Gareth's person. Batthwack is now having severe doubts about destroying the calliope. They bundle Gareth's body into the piano bench which is surprisingly spacious and everyone is surprised at how uncannily good Will is at moving the limp body.

They take another close look at the calliope's music desk with it's waterfall etching and odd circular shape. They note that there's no sheet music resting on it, so Gareth must have been improvising or playing from memory. Batthwack discovers that the circle is easily removed, in fact behind it is a regular music desk. The waterfall circle is made of wood and very thick and hefty. Straps on the back of it reveal it is actually a shield. He tries it on and finds that it feels incredibly natural, strangely, even more so than the shield he left at the temple. He feels some kind of connection flow over his forearm where he's holding it; clearly it is imbued with some magic. *"Now I really wish I hadn't knocked that guy out,"* says Batthwack.

They wonder how this shield got here. While Raphina inchworms around underneath the keyboard looking for pedals, Will examines the calliope and although he doesn't find any other waterfall etchings on it, he gets a strong sense that the shield is somehow connected to the calliope, perhaps made by the same person or from the same material, even though it wasn't physically joined to it. Batthwack feels as though he's damaged the instrument by removing the shield and replaces it on the music desk, despite Will's protests, who thinks he should just take it. He reminds Batthwack that he stole a diamond before and this is just as important. *"What if something horrible happens and you need to defend somebody? Like me!"* he says.

Batthwack wants to revive Gareth and ask him about the shield. Will drops their repairmen disguises, but changes himself into Mr Greenman. They unload Gareth's body from the bench and Raphina splashes him with some twig tea water from her waterskin, which does the trick and Gareth comes round. His head hurts and he's a little confused. They tell him that the repairmen must have knocked him out and that they had found him down here when there was no-one at the reception desk. Gareth tells them all about the calliope being the one true god and they learn that it appeared down in the basement a few weeks ago, where they'd previously just stored dry goods and things of that nature. He's surprised to find that the shield is not attached to the calliope. Raphina removes the music desk behind the shield, only to discover another one behind it. What she's removed is in fact a thin, rectangular latticework of wood with a hinged wooden framework beneath it that suggests it is in fact a very efficient drying rack for leaves, mosses, lichens or twigs.

Gareth is stunned by this and comments on how "right" Batthwack and Raphina look holding their new items. When Raphina suggests that perhaps the Curmudgeonly Yet Cute Calliope is transforming and puts her ear to it, pretending to listen. She actually hears what could be a mysterious ethereal voice, or just an echo of herself. Gareth explains he heard the calliope calling to him and that's why he's been trying to play her music to everyone in the hotel and had even been trying to get it broadcast to the entire city.

Concerned about Gareth's state of mind, Raphina suggests he eat something and Batthwack provides some fish rations, which he hungrily eats up while looking absent-mindedly at the shield on Batthwack's arm. Rejuvenated by the food Gareth seems to think that the shield belongs with Batthwack. *"I think this has been waiting here for me,"* says Batthwack. Gareth asks them if they're here to spread the word of the Curmudgeonly Yet Cute Calliope and Batthwack and Raphina say they absolutely are. He's just explaining that he'd never seen a calliope before his chance meeting with this one, when the reception desk bell suddenly rings; a customer is waiting in the lobby. Gareth hands his cap to Will and nurses the lump on his head. He asks the group to attend to the customer while he spends some time alone with the calliope. *"They say calliope heals all wounds,"* says Gareth, but Batthwack takes pity on him and places a hand on his shoulder, saying *"When you play, try to picture a still pool at the base of a rushing waterfall. Maybe, try to play something a little quieter,"* and with the help of the dragonborn's *Lay on Hands* ability, Gareth feels better than he's probably ever felt before.

The party climb the ladder out of the basement and are met by a halfling lady at the desk. She's older and quite tall for a halfling, very thin and her clothes are entirely magenta, top to bottom. She has a severe look on her face, sharply contrasted by a delightfully overblown hat covered with feathers and beads and such. Raphina immediately recognises this imposing figure as the one and only Aunt Bootie. *"What kind of establishment this? What took so long?!"* cries Aunt Bootie indignantly. Will, still in his Mr Greenman guise tries his best to deal with her, but it's tough going. Raphina has stopped in her tracks half way up the ladder and is trying to stay hidden, knowing that Aunt Bootie will recognise her immediately. Picking up on this, Will *Messages* Raphina who warns him not to agitate Aunt Bootie at any cost, saying that she's magical. Aunt Bootie explains that she's looking for a room because her house was destroyed by *"a psychotic wooden puppet thing with a crank up its ass."*

Will awkwardly fluffs and fumbles his attempts to placate Aunt Bootie with a promise of a "surprise complimentary basket." He's rather enjoying the sport of winding up one of the self-proclaimed *"elders of this city."* Batthwack eventually emerges from the basement, somewhat confused, and is forced to adopt the role of Will's supervisor when he's immediately accosted by Aunt Bootie. It does not go well.

Eventually, Aunt Bootie lets out a huge sigh and says *"Seraphina, would you come out here now please?"* Raphina sheepishly emerges saying *"How are you? How's everything? How are your petunias?"* Aunt Bootie demonstrates her laser-focused insight, revealing that she knows they aren't employees of the hotel and immediately asks what's going on with the serial killer rumours. She says she doesn't believe them, saying *"No niece of mine would ever be a serial killer."* She does sense that they have something to do with what happened to her house though. It's time for some privacy, so Raphina selects one of the room keys at random and Will and Batthwack are forced to carry her bags to the room, which fortunately is on the ground floor.

Aunt Bootie quizzes Raphina about what's going on in Beartoggle and Raphina explains about all the weird things that have been happening to them and all the unusual changes they've witnessed on their journey down river, such as the dam. *"Now you're starting to sound like the story they're telling about you. This serial killer went bonkers spouting nonsense about a dam!"* says Aunt Bootie. She asks if they've been getting involved with the Sooty Gang and taking drugs, which Raphina denies of course. Aunt Bootie says she knows something mysterious is going on because she's had one of her "dreams". Raphina is familiar with Aunt Bootie's dreams, knowing them to be special insightful visions. Her dream featured a pale man with sharp teeth living in a castle. *"He's crying and the tears are pouring out of him and there's a fog of bad spirits exploding outward from him and settling all over Six Rivers."*

Raphina explains all that happened to them in Barovia and reassure Aunt Bootie that they were all pulled into this against their will. Aunt Bootie says she's not heard of Strahd, but she had heard tales of Barovia *"far off somewhere in Worm."* Will wonders if Aunt Bootie's dream was more symbolic and perhaps the dark powers simply escaped Barovia. Aunt Bootie takes his attempts to absolve himself as evidence of his rampant self-pity. Aunt Booties says dark powers are all around and Batthwack feels as though she's looking right through him when she says *"I think that you have the right thing within you to handle any dark powers that may put themselves in your way, as long as you know what to put first."*

Will asks Aunt Bootie what she knows about the Aeonian Anglerfish, and she says she knows of him, saying he has been in Beartoggle Lake before. They tell her that the Anglerfish has been missing. *"Are you three going to save..."* Aunt Bootie stops herself and looks confused for a moment before continuing. *"No, are you* four *going to save him?"* Will thinks this is clear evidence that Aunt Bootie is crazy, but Raphina knows that Aunt Bootie just sees the truth and must be referring to someone that they are yet to meet.

## Trivia

* The episode title came from Eric. After Abby said that Raphina was splashing water on Gareth to wake him up (*"dribble dribble"*!), KT asked *"Is Raphina dribbling water from her mouth into his mouth?"* and Alex suggested *"The water is just this continuous stream, but it's coming from Raphina's mouth."* Mercifully, Abby clarified *"No, it's coming from Raphina's waterskin that has twig tea in it."* KT: *"Yeah, lots of stuff in there."* Abby: *"Oh shoot. Yes. I've been mixing a lot of things."* Eric: *"Loaded baked potato water! [...] The bacon bits strike his upper lip."*
* This week's episode description describes the Pork Fried Dice wiki as: lavish.

## Recap Song

*Main article: The Music of Pork Fried Dice*
This episode featured KT doing a recap to the tune of *American Pie* by Don McLean:

*[Intro and Verse 1]*

A long, long week ago

Perhaps we can remember

How that music really made us cry

And we thought if we took a chance

To investigate this rental manse

That maybe we could rest here for a while

But the calliope situation was quite complex

10 rooms, 10 parts, a musical alphabet

Bronze plaques on the door backs

It's a good thing we're insomniacs

Nevertheless, we solved it all

And Raphina inchwormed through the hall

Then we went down a ladder if you recall

To make the music die

*[Chorus]*

So bye-bye to this calliope guy

Batthwack conked him on the noggin at 4000 psi

The guy's fast asleep, let's sing him a lullaby

Oh, is that a waterfall I spy?

Is that waterfall I spy?

*[Verse 2]*

We've been here for just two days

we lost a party member in a crystal haze

She's a sticky brick dispenser now

And I believe that Mo's still on the boat

Oh my god, I hope it's still afloat

And Hilula might have escaped some how

But what's the deal with the waterfall?

And was the calliope guy in its thrall?

Let Raphina Look inside his shoes

Maybe she can find some clues

Thanks to Sheemie's lock-picking skills and luck

We're nearly done with this music that sucks

Our repairmen shtick made us look like schmucks

Now let's make the music die

*[Chorus]*

We'll be singin', "Bye-bye you calliope guy"

"This hotel could be successful if you just recognise"

"This calliope music ain't a nice surprise"

"Now let's go get some more cheese fries"

"I need vitamin cheese for my fries"

## References

1. ↑ See episode 256: SmareSmoggle
2. ↑ Eric explains that it is an *Arrow-Catching Shield*. It gives the standard plus 2 to AC for a shield, but also an additional plus 2 bonus to AC against ranged attacks. And in addition, whenever an attacker makes a ranged attack against a target within five feet of the wielder, the wielder can use their reaction to become the target of the attack instead.
3. ↑ See episode 226: What CAN'T Will Turn Into? A Pleasant Person? JUST KIDDING!