Dylan James Condog

DJ Condog at the Libyan Hero photoshoot (2016)

**DJ Condog** is the host of The Drive Time Radio Game Show Show with DJ Condog and the Beast, stars in Condogs Law and Everybody Loves Condog and was the former head of Libyan Public Relations under Muammar Gaddafi.

## Early Life

DJ Condog, or more formally known as Dylan James Condog grew up in Detroit, Michigan and was a rather extraordinary child. He was born with a brain tumor, an advanced form of Glioblastoma Multiform, an aggressive version of brain cancer passed down through his bloodline. Doctors and neurologists only gave him 5-11 months.

When Dylan was 3 months old his mother came home and found him lying in a pool of blood on the kitchen table holding a Novelty Laptop Decoration. Dylan had managed to use it in the same way as an ancient Egyptian embalming tool by reaching up his nose pulling the tumor out of his brain. At three months old Dylan managed to perform surgery on himself that professional brain surgeons could only dream of.

The event made headlines across the world. Prominent Scientologist Tom Cruise proclaimed 3 month old Dylan to be a prophet of Xenu, and Catholic Priest Magazine named him one of the top 10 children to watch.

Dylan's father, Jimmy Condog was apart of the infamous "Barbershop Quartet', a group of singers who would busk at farmers markets during the day, but at night they'd murder hairdressers with sharpened combs. Dylan's mother - Martha Upfold - knew about the murders but was willing to keep them quiet until the day she found her son with part of his brain lying on the kitchen table. The Police arrested Jimmy Condog later that day and he was sentenced to life imprisonment at Old Wayne County Jail.

One year on from the arrest and prosecution of Dylan's father, Dylan and his mother Martha had moved to South Africa with Martha's new husband Dave Upfold, a comedy stage hypnotist from South Africa. Dylan and his new family would continue to live in South Africa for ten years until him and his mother fled South Africa back to Detroit.

Going back to Detroit took a massive toll on Dylan. At eighteen he got his first job as a janitor at Detroit Jesuit High School. Dylan had regular contact with a large portion of the student body from day to day. During this, Dylan was in contact with another member of the Barbershop Quartet known as Horseradish Jones, one of Detroit's more prolific drug dealers. Eventually the school started getting complaints from parents and in 2001 Dylan was arrested for dealing crack cocaine to minors.

## Imprisonment and Escape

After a short 1 week trial, Dylan was found guilty and sentenced to 5 years in Old Wayne County Jail. Dylan only ended up serving 1 month as he was supposedly broken out by his ex-step father and famous comedy stage hypnotist, Dave Upfold. According to Dylan, 1 month into his sentence Dave merely walked into the prison and convinced the warden to let him out. This hasn't been confirmed by any staff working at the Old Wayne County Jail and the investigation was dropped in 2004 by order of the FBI as papers signed by the Jails warden at the time, Butch Viggers were deemed the official release papers of Dylan James Condog. The Detroit Police Department were not happy with the decision to drop the investigation but the FBI claimed that by making Dylan James Condog, who at the time was Libya's Head of Public Relations, a wanted man would only increase the tension between the United States and Libya. FBI director at the time, Robert Mueller has stated in interviews that by dropping the case, they may have avoided another Great Depression and even World War 3.

The Jail's warden at the time, Butch Viggers was blamed for Dylan's escape with tabloids saying he wasn't fit for service and lacked the necessary skills to warden of one of Detroit's largest prisons. Viggers still claims to this day that he has no memory of entire day. In a recent interview from *Libyan Hero: The DJ Condog Story,* Viggers openly speaks out of the events of that day and even questions his mental health saying *"Maybe I'm just not right in the head".* The investigation into Viggers involvement was dropped in January 2002 when no evidence could be put against him.

## Life in Libya

In 2001, after escaping from Old Wayne County Jail, Dylan unofficially changed his alias to DJ Condog and fled to Libya to try to capture that "South African feel" without going to South Africa itself. Where Dylan was though, nobody had heard of him, and which suited him just fine. Little is known about how he spent his first few months in Libya, but it is estimated that he enlisted in the Libyan Military. For his first few months in Libya, DJ Condog shared a dog kennel with an old English sheepdog -Dave Douglas- where they would have alternative nights sleeping in the kennel. This housing arrangement confused many of the locals to the point that they thought DJ Condog could turn into a dog. The story of the dog-man became so popular in Libya that it eventually made its way to America, where a few more observant news-watchers put together that DJ Condog was the man who escaped Old Wayne County Jail, and this started some of the more far fetched rumors about his escape. The story of the dog-man was the initial inspiration for the Shaggy Dog film series.

The story began to take the interest of some very powerful people, including Col. Muammar al-Gaddafi, who invited DJ Condog  to his annual 'Roast of the Rebel Leaders'. Gaddafi took a liking to DJ Condog and offered him a job on the spot to be his head of Public Relations for the Libyan Military. Never before had a foreigner been allowed to attain such a high rank in the Libyan military, much less an American with no prior military experience. This led some to question the nature of the relationship between DJ Condog and Brother-Leader Gaddafi.

DJ Condog became a part of many social initiatives like the Morry Cares foundation and Muamar's personal charity : *Usurp Nobody, Instead Celebrate Every Fascist*, or UNICEF for short. At the time the United States Government were looking on very anxiously, expecting him to mess up somehow, to go back to dealing drugs and ruin the relationship between the US and Libya, but statistically it was the best relationship the US and Libya ever had. DJ Condog started to become the People's hero in Libya. He would tour around the country, doing rallies everywhere he went and 100% Libyans approved of him according to the Libyan Military Times official poll of 2005.

## Walt Disney and J.K Rowling

After hearing about the dog-man story, DJ Condog was approached by the Libyan branch of Walt Disney who offered to purchase his life rights for 10 million USD. Now with DJ Condogs life rights and after much internal discussion at Walt Disney, they went on to create 2006 summer blockbuster Shaggy Dog starring Tim Allen.

DJ Condog also believes that the man turns into dog and escapes prison aspect used in J.K Rowing's Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Askaban was taken from his own life. DJ Condog has voiced frustration with receiving no royalties from either J.K Rowling or Warner Brothers. Neither J.K Rowling or Warner Brothers have publicly addressed the matter.

## Music Career

In 2006 DJ Condog released his first studio album titled *Libyan Idiot.* The album went quadruple platinum in Libya, marking it as the most sold media product in all of Libya. When Gaddafi heard of DJ Condog's success in the music business, he personally purchased all guitars in Libya to ensure DJ Condog would remain Libya's most famous and well known musician. DJ Condog was looking for collaborators to help write the album when he came across 7 year old Connor Hackett. Connor Hackett, one time winner of the Whangaparapa School Gala Talent Quest of 2006, was at the time living in New Zealand when Condog caught sight of him. Condog, a fan of Hackett's work had him flown out to Libya to help write his upcoming album. Not long after, it was announced that Bib Ezrin, famous American music producer would step in to produce *Libyan Idiot*.

They broke records on their leading single 'Trucker Club Dreams' by incorporating Chupa Chups melody pops as an instrument.

The release of "Libyan Idiot" took the country by storm, selling out in the first day. DJ Condog and Connor Hackett embarked on a 6 month tour where they were greeted at every venue by a crowd of rabid fans. There were riots in the streets in places where there were no more tickets left and there were even riots where there were plenty of tickets left. The tour attracted guests to the likes of Trey Anastasio, Mike Gordon and the other two members of Phish.

## Green Day Lawsuit

It was after a live show in Tripoli where DJ Condog received the news that a lawsuit had been filed against him and his song *Libyan Idiot* by popular American band Green Day. Green Day claim DJ Condog ripped off their song *American Idiot* but DJ Condog condemned the accusation saying *"Its not true, the songs are totally different, I mean one's about America and the other's about Libya".* It is still unknown how the lawsuit was settled but it was most likely settled out of court. Nether artists commented on it any further until DJ Condog's retirement speech where he apologized saying it was insensitive.

## Drug Addiction and Sex Scandal

After finding out about the lawsuit, Condog became depressed. The stress of the lawsuit forced him into a drug habit. According to Bib Ezra, Condog's personality changed and his live performances decreased in quality. Bib expressed his sadness by saying *"After the shows the three of us used to go and get a drink down at the local watering hole, but Dylan started to drift away. He'd always arrive half an hour late for the show and then disappear as soon as it was done".*

Bib found Condog one night locked in his hotel room with rusty needles in his arm which Condog thought were syringes. DJ Condog cannot remember those few weeks clearly and has hinted at possibly being in contact with Horseradish Jones again.

In the midst of a personal meltdown, details began to emerge in the tabloids about DJ Condog's true relationship with Brother-leader Gaddafi. Colonel Gaddafi was in breach of his own laws against homosexuality, and it caused a large controversy. There were calls for Gaddafi to step down, but he took no notice of it and had those who questioned his leadership executed. The Libyan Star Times featured a headline reading *DID SOMEONE WAKE THE TROUSER SNAKE? CONDOG AND GADDAFI SPOTTED LEAVING HOMOSEXUAL TRUCKER CLUB.* This only made matters worse for DJ Condog and when he did turn up to live shows, he would sit cross legged on the stage singing happy birthday for an hour. This angered fans which decreased ticked sales by hundreds.

## Appearance on Dr. Dave

After the mental breakdown of DJ Condog, Bib Ezrin decided to seek professional help in the likes of talk show

therapist Dr. David Goggins. DJ Condog appeared on the show where he was seen ingesting various drugs. Condog went on to describe his mental stability as stable and that he was sick of all the judgement aimed toward him. Dr. Goggins requested that Condog should put away the drugs, which were believed to be crack cocaine. This angered Condog and it led to him picking up a chair and throwing it around the studio set. Unfortunately a stray chair managed to hit Dr. Dave Goggins in his noggins and he was permanently brain damaged. Moments later the connection was lost and the episode cut to a re-run of The Simpsons.

## Hospitalization

It was confirmed by Bib Ezrin that DJ Condog took an overdose the night of his appearance on Dr. Dave. He was

quickly rushed to hospital where he fell into a coma. DJ Condog's friends and relatives gathered around his bed whilst hoards of Libyan's surrounded the hospital for emotional support. Condog eventually woke up 4 days later when his mother showed up. Condog said in his film *Libyan Hero: The DJ Condog Story* that he believes she is the reason he is still alive to this day. Condog also revealed in his film that he was given a letter from his father Jimmy Condog which is now stored in Tripoli's National Museum. Against the doctors best advice, Condog discharged himself from the hospital walking hand in hand with his mother greeted by thousands of Libyan fans, loyalists and citizens.

## Birth of the Drive Time Radio Game Show Show

After discharging himself from Hospital, DJ Condog requested a press conference to be arranged. Connor Hackett said at the time *"He didn't tell anyone what he was going to announce, but we were behind him every step of the way. We didn't know that it wouldn't just decide Dylan's future, but Libya's as well."*  The day after discharging himself, Condog appeared live on all Libyan television channels. He apologized for his recent behavior and officially announced his retirement as Head of Public Relations to Libya. He went on to announce a new project he would be working on as a drive time radio DJ with new associate, Dave Goggins. DJ Condog finally thanked the crowd and walked off stage.

The world was shocked by the announcement and soon after the #Pray4Condog campaign became trending on twitter worldwide for several months. As for Libya, DJ Condog's departure from the government meant that the little faith that the people had in Gaddafi's leadership had now vanished with arguably, the nations greatest hero. It triggered the beginning of the revolution that eventually Toppled Gaddafi's regime. As for DJ Condog, the whole world looked on in anticipation as he prepared to premiere his radio show alongside Dr. David Goggins, who had now taken the mantle of The Beast. He also recruited the help of his longtime collaborator Connor Hackett as producer of his show, now known as *'The Drive Time Radio Game Show Show'*.

## Voice

Along with his life in politics and radio, DJ Condog is also famous for his unique voice. Ever since DJ Condog began to talk, he had a deep raspy voice which had Doctors stumped. Speaking about his voice, DJ Condog has been quoted saying *"I'm not sure we'll ever know why my voice is so god-tier, I guess I was just destined to be one of, if not the greatest disc jockey in the world."* Amazingly, his mother Martha Condog had managed by chance to record his first words he spoke when he was 13 months old.