Things That are Cute

"*Today, we're going to ignore all that negativity that we let walk with us throughout our lives and instead focus on the other side of things. Things that are cute. Like this puppy.*"
―Erik
Things That are Cute is the 96th lesson of Internet Comment Etiquette. It's the final lesson to take place in the first Etiquesette. It was released on March 31, 2019.

## Summary

Erik thinks about all of the constant negativity that the internet makes available, and contrasts it with cute things like videos of puppies.

Erik looks at the subreddit for cute things, r/aww. He finds a nice video with women playing with a dolphin, but the comments are all ruining it, either casting the dolphin as a tortured victim or an evil rapist. Erik decides to fix this by posting a picture of Uncle Dog to the subreddit. He decides to go over to Buzzfeed to find a list of cute puppy pictures that were stolen from Reddit. The comments under the list demonstrate much better etiquette than the ones on Reddit. Erik posts a picture of his own on Buzzfeed.

Next, Erik watches a video of a cute little frog, but the comments are awful so Erik leaves his own. Then he leaves a few more cute pictures on Reddit. He goes back to YouTube and finds an entire channel dedicated to Cuteness and he watches their video about zombie dogs. They're not cute, but he doesn't let that stop him from adoring them in a comment.

He moves over to anime to see what cuteness he can find there. Erik doesn't really understand it because he's not Japanese, and then he realizes that it's just a sex thing. He adds to it by posting a comment about how hot the Pokémon Squirtle is.

At the end of the lesson, Erik applies what he's learned to make his own cuteness. He learned that dogs are cute and sex stuff is cute, so he puts on a dog mask and pair of fake titties, and then he broadcasts on Chaturbate and slaps his titties around a bit.

## Comments

*dogs taste great boiled*
- Cove

*Aww this comment is so cute it made me totally forget about the fact that America is forecasted to double its population in the next 100 years, leading to a drastic increase in energy usage that further instigates the degradation of natural habitats on this planet, continuing the domino effect of collapsing ecological foundations of global society itself with only two possible outcomes in which we either suck Earth dry before escaping to outer space with hopes of colonizing a planet that hates us less, or we just stay here and suffer a massive extinction event from a one-two punch of disease and climate change that pushes us into dense clusters of carefully chosen communities where the wealthy claim all the comfort and everyone else gets fucked so yeah you might be boiling some puppies a couple decades from now in the middle of a radioactive dust storm,
telling your grandkids about how much you miss the internet where you could order dominos and see free titties while posting stupid shit like this from the laptop your parents bought you for Christmas.*
- Erik

*Say hi to my little boo boo! He turns six months today!*
- UncleDog69

*FOUND THIS THING CRAWLING OUT OF MY TOILET LAST NIGHT SO I ADOPTED IT**his name is uncle dog*
- uncledog69

*Hey guys Pill Money Salvia here takin a quick break from exposing the globalists to refill my cute meter but also to tell you about all the latest nutraceuticals for sale on the Salvia Erik medicine store. We got it all folks, from vitamins that'll make your kids cute by keeping them tiny forever to colloidal silver tablets you can feed your dog in case Obama hit em with the old "agent rainbow" hell the only pill we haven't developed yet is the one that makes your baby shut the fuck up while I'm trying to enjoy a happy hour at my favorite restaurant. I mean yeah I get it you're a young parent and you don't want to give up the ability to drink an aperol spritz at 4pm on a Tuesday but how about you leave the fuckin kid in the car with the windows cracked because there's actual alcoholics in here trying to drown yesterday's hangover without feeling like they're inside a goddamn daycare.**Anyway that's just somethin that's pissin me off but not as much as the fact that cloud people are cross breeding humans and dogs to create a civil war between man and his best friend. Keep your eyes to the skies and if you bring your baby to happy hour I'm gonna burp in its face and tell it the truth about 9/11 fuck u*
- Erik

*My uncle and his new dog have the same rare eye condition, and I can't even!*
- UncleDog69

*Any love on here for baby uncle cows?*
- UncleDog69

*Call me crazy but this is the cutest damn thing I've ever seen! These little zombie puppers are just melting my heart and it is EVERYTHING. Ughh I just want to squeeze them but not so hard that it sloughs off the rest of their diseased skin because I'm not trying to catch dog AIDS or whatever the fuck is eating these things from the inside. I do wanna dress them up in baby clothes though and drop them off at puppy school so they learn to stop attacking anything they see as food. Awww I want them to munch on my toesies while their mutant anesthetic saliva puts me to sleep so it feels like soft smooches as they lay their eggs in my chest cavity so I can incubate the next evolutionary stage bridging dog and man. I WILL BIRTH A NEW SPECIES FROM THE COCOON OF MINE OWN BODY, WITNESS ME NOW AND HIT THE LIKE BUTTON TO RECEIVE MY GRACE WHEN I BECOME LIKE THE LUPINE GOD MOTHER*
- Erik

*Gotta hand it to Japan they really have it figured out! Just enough cuteness to heal peoples hearts and then weird sex stuff to help the medicine go
down. Reminds me of that time I was super depressed and decided to watch Pokémon, and man those little critters are so cute the way they bop
around and say their names, but I almost found it too cute like it was for babies or something and I was gonna turn it off before seeing just how
goddamn SEXY that Squirtle dude is. Holy shit I wanna shake his daddy's hand because now Squirtle is my daddy. That scene where they've got him
dressed up like a french maid and the yellow rat thing is spanking him with a bamboo shoot had me about to bust a nut that could have solved world
hunger.**Hey it's cool that I wanna bang Squirtle right? You guys won't make fun of me? I told my friend Alex about it thinking he'd agree but he still hasn't texted me back and that was eight months ago. I figured since you guys are all jacking off to cartoons drawn by dudes even hornier than you, it's not weird that I treat my Gameboy like a fleshlight. Thank you for reading this and I can't wait for Pokémon to come out in VR**Sincerely, The FBI*
- Erik

*send me pictures of cute animals to cheer me up please x*
- @BluesDank

*Heres a bushbaby*
- Erik

*Hey @commentiquette got any cat pictures?*
- @UFPThreeOfSeven

- Erik

*Really wish I had some cat pictures right now. I wonder if @commentiquette could help?*
- @popcornrelated

*Girl I got you*
- Erik

*Yo @commentiquette got any cute doggo pics?*
- @MaxxxCoffee

*NO*
- Erik

## Video

```

```