The Dead Man's Dead Man's Hand

"**The Dead Man's Dead Man's Hand**" is the ninth episode of the first season of *The Unexpected Podcast*. It aired on July 2nd, 2018. For the first time since "The Strange Music of Derrick Zugg", the episode featured only the voice work of co-creators Andrew Soucek and Erik Bergstrom.

Looking to follow up on the critical and financial success of "This American Knife", Soucek began writing a script for a new episode to feature a large cast, including a few new actors. When contract negotiations fell through in early June, Soucek and Bergstrom found themselves in a bind. They decided to forego the previous months' formula of large casts and bloated budgets and return to their original vision for minimalist scripts and tight turnaround times.

Bergstrom found an original idea in a brainstorming notepad with a "Western" feel and, having watched a number of Westerns in recent weeks, called upon numerous influences for the story. The episode was written, recorded, and post-produced in less than two weeks, setting a new benchmark for the show.

## Plot

Original Description: *Ray is an ace card player who hasn't been dealt the best hand. Now he's facing his toughest challenger yet to get his life back!*

The story begins with a narration from a young card player named James, who claims to have a story that beats out all the tall tales of American West lore, including the original 'Dead Man's Hand' tale of Wild Bill Hickok. He introduces an old friend of his named Ray, who he describes as having "come out of his momma holdin' a royal flush". Over the course of a stormy night, while winning yet another big pot, it's revealed that Ray has one vice: choosing card-playing over his duties at home with his wife, Brenda. Ray and James have a falling out over James' beliefs that Ray should be at home, and Ray leaves the house to drive home alone. A combination of his inebriation, the storm, and a windy road leads to Ray crashing his car in a near-fatal accident.

While recovering in the hospital, Ray learns that his wife died the very same night after falling down the stairs in the storm. At last feeling remorseful, Ray speaks for the first time in weeks to a strange old man who shares his hospital room with him. He learns the identity of the man as Ol' Ace Butler, a card-playing legend in his own right. Ace claims to hold the powers to "right one wrong" by way of playing "The Dead Man's Dead Man's Hand". Ray gleans more information on how to play the hand from Ace, hoping to use it to bring his wife back, when he learns the cost of misplaying it is his own soul. Ace then disappears from the room after revealing he's a ghost who misplayed his own hand.

Ray is sent by Butler to collect his fortune so he can be allowed into a high-stakes Texas Hold 'Em game. He's dealt his "Dead Man's Dead Man's Hand", a 3 and and 8, considered one of the worst opening hands available. Ray somehow finds luck from nowhere and ends up winning the game, and is ready to call upon Ace to bring back his wife, when Ace enters the game himself and beats Ray. Instead of claiming his soul, however, Ace wants something else: to turn Ray into his own personal clown so he can perform acts like getting outrageous tattoos and changing his name to "Bozo Beefybutt" for Ace's amusement.

Ray manages to con Ace into one more game in order to get his dignity, and perhaps his wife, back. According to James, they meet in the middle of nowhere to play a one-on-one game of Texas Hold 'Em, where Ray draws the worst opening hand available, a deuce-seven (a 2 and a 7). Yet once again, Ray wiggles his way out of it, winning the Dead Man's Dead Man's Hand with a full house. Ace is shocked at first, having orchestrated the deal to give Ray the bad hand, but is saved in the end by his back-up plan: Brenda, who's returned from the dead to take vengeance upon her neglectful husband. The story concludes when James reveals he's a ghost as well, coming back from the dead to warn others of Ray's fate.

## Commercial

The commercial for "Tony's Old Tyme Photos" ties into the Western theme with Tony offering photo shoots to customers who dress up like characters from the Old West. He discusses the origins of the business, including how his distant and long-dead father tried to talk him out of it and to get a real job. At the commercial's end, Tony mentions there's a coupon in the Sunday newspaper.

## Production

After the tumultuous production schedule and follow-up mixed reaction to the ambitious "This American Knife" episode, Soucek and Bergstrom looked to return to a format that the show's loyal fans had adopted, featuring original, character-driven stories. Their hand was forced even further after their planned shoot for the family epic saga, "What's Eating Gilbert's Grapes? It's Probably a Mummy" fell through during contract negotiations with current and new cast members.

The idea for the episode came from two brainstorming sessions; one involving a classic Western episode about card-playing, and another featuring a show about escalating bets between two friends that goes beyond the grave. Believing both to be good ideas, but not fruitful enough for a full episode, Bergstrom combined the two into his script. He wrote the full treatment in two days, watching multiple Westerns for inspiration (leading to the 25 uses of the word 'reckon' in the show's dialogue). This was followed up by a recording session three days later and an additional three days of post-production, in order to hit a July 2nd release date.

Bergstrom and Soucek decided early on in the episode's production to return to the show's roots and record the episode without the assistance of contracted actors. Though a female character does appear by name in the script, Bergstrom was able to write around it and keep the cast to just 3 roles, with Ray performed by Soucek and both James and Ace Butler performed by Bergstrom.

Artist Dustin Riccio also went back to the show's roots and design poster artwork for the show, featuring a cowboy holding a gun. He did manage to combine both a poster effect with a playing card to give it the "multi-use" effect of VHS cartridges and podcast artwork he'd provided in previous shows. While the poster artwork proclaims the episode to be "In 3D!", Soucek and Bergstrom later learned there was no possible way to present a show in audio format in 3D.

## In-Universe References

The only reference to a "Tony" is in the show's commercial. For the first time in *The Unexpected Podcast*'s history, there is no reference to the name "Tim".

Ol' Ace Butler tells Ray that he's stashed his fortune at his friend's secret location near Dongarud's Creek, adding to the location's mystique.

There's no mention of mustard as a prop, though Ace does use the word while excitedly describing himself as a frankfurter dipped in the condiment.

The two most common Universal phrases of "If I'm being honest..." and "just to recap..." are used, the former by James in his narration and the latter by Ray when talking about James' recent run-in with police, though both have the unique insertion of the word 'reckon'.

There's also a subtle nod to the plot of "Honk for Homicide" when Ray describes James' police encounter, recalling how he lost his license after being caught honking his car horn along with "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" (In "Honk for Homicide", the song was "Footloose").

There's no mention of huckleberry pie, though a new location is introduced into the Unexpected Universe as Huckleberry Road, where Ray and Brenda's house can be found.

James uses the term "spooky" in his narration to describe the circumstances around Ray's visit by Ace's ghost.

## Memorable Quotes

*"Doggone it, James, don’t you think I know when I’ve had my fill? Just listen a moment, it’s rainin’ turkeys and tomcats out there."* - Ray

*"Yeah, you been doin’ a whole lot’a reckonin’. They oughtta call you a preacher with all the reckonin’ you been doin’! Well I reckon’ I ain’t never let no preacher tell me how to run my life. I figure I done pretty well for myself choosin’ gamblin’ over God, and now I figure I’ll go take a gamble on them ol’ wet roads all on my lonesome!"* - Ray

*"You just gonna lay there all day like a bullfrog on a boulder, boy, or you goin’ to sit up and show some respect to yer elders?"* - Ol' Ace Butler

*"Ain’t nobody got a meaner bluffin’ face than ol’ Ray. Some have said Ray’s bluffin’ face is like a bull who’s been roped after he’s had his corn dinner and he’s holdin’ in a righteous ripper… yeah, somethin’ like that."* - James

*"Now go on, read em and weep like my great aunt Hilda when her turnips done went bad after a long, dry summer when the plague of locusts come and ate ‘em all up like they was a turkey pie on Thanksgivin’!"* - Ace Butler

*"I don’t much care if you’ve got more pride than Ms. Piggy when she’s given pork chop sandwiches and she takes two o’clock train to hungertown rather than fill her grumblin’ belly. You made your bed, now I reckon you got some lyin’ to do!"* - Ace Butler

*"What’s a matter, Ace? You too scared? You think dumb ol’ Ray might actually got a chance to beat you, even if it’s no better than a chicken’s chance at escapin’ the cleaver when it’s being choked by a eight-hundred pound gorilla wearing a seersucker suit?"* - Ray

*"You lose, which we all know’s about as sure as Shirley Temple selling lollipops on every lonely street corner in la la land, and I’ll be sure to steal that last bit of pride you got saved in your sneakers."* - Ace Butler

*"Well I’ll be pig in a pot of porridge on February 31st, if he ain’t just turned over two more sevens and another 2. That gives ol’ Ray a full house, I reckon. An’ you know what they say when a house is done full up. Gotta kick an ol’ alley cat like Ace back to the curb where he belongs."* - Ray

*"Not so fast, there, partner. Full house. I can see it in your eyes, you was hopin’ for some predictability. Maybe like the milkman, or a paperboy, or evening TV."* - Ray

*"Well I’ll be a frankfurter in a fat boy’s fist after he’s dunked me in mustard, rolled me in relish, and squeezed me in a bun! You’re a woman of your word, aint’ ya? Now come on over to ol’ Ace Butler here. I may be a gambler like your old man was, but unlike him, I know when to fold ‘em and treat a lady to a night on the town. What say you an’ I hit up the ol’ hootananny in town square tonight? Maybe later we can keep on dancin’ on ol’ Ray’s grave!"* - Ace Butler