The Shit List

# The TFW Shit List

They may have been quite good at cricket, but that doesn't preclude them from being a shit.

## Frank *BLOODY* Ward

Possibly the most frequently mentioned member of The Shit List, Frank replaced Clarrie Grimmett on the England Tour in 1938. Need we say more? If so, you can hear Geoff’s full Frank Ward rant in Story Time 15, from about 26:20. Geoff steams in off the long run and delivers the scorching review Frank deserves.

## Archie MacLaren

Unaffectionately known to TFW as “Celebrity Racist” Archie MacLaren, Archie is a former English captain and amateur. Described as “Frankly unpleasant”, “disappointingly petty”, “rude, abrasive, high-handed and superior” and “Brilliant, boorish and bankrupt”.  Geoff talks about him in Story Time 66 and anoints him ‘second entry on The Final Word Shit List after Virender Sehwag’. In 1902 MacLaren refused to play in a game if Jack Marsh (an Indigenous player) bowled.  Marsh had been accused of chucking, though it is generally agreed that this was used as an excuse for racism.  This is mentioned here and here: “The vehemence of Archie MacLaren’s objections to Marsh meeting his 1901/02 England tourists is also fully considered, as is the contrasting (in some ways) attitude of England’s next captain, two years later, Plum Warner.” Plum Warner is also on The Shit List, but is at least 'only' garden variety racist.

## Pelham 'Plum' Warner

Pelham 'Plum' Warner was officially promoted to The Shit List by Geoff in S13 E29, for acting as team manager during Bodyline and demoting himself in the batting order to hide his terrible form in the 1906 Test Tour of South Africa (he scored a total of 89 across 10 innings, at an average of 8.9). Warner also acted as a Special Constable during the UK General Strike of 1926, so was a bloody scab as well.

## Geoffrey Boycott

Ugh. Was he even good at cricket? This is a good way to start an argument, or if you’re in Yorkshire, possibly a fight.

## Wally Hammond

Wally was rumoured to be promiscuous in a time when it was difficult to practice safe sex (hence the repeated jokes about his knob and its unhealthy state) and basically none of his team mates liked him. There’s a fair bit written about Wally but here’s one post which includes some pics and nuance, but is still titled ‘*I think he’s an absolute shit’*.

## Virender Sehwag

Some of us still light a tea-light candle on the altar of Sehwag-ology, but let’s face it, this list is about who you are off the field. Some cricketers should have the good grace to retire and never tell us what they really think about, well, anything, *especially* not Glenn Maxwell. The original member of the shitlist.

## Yahoo Australia

Mentioned in S13 Ep27 for a succession of risible clickbait headlines. News is terrible at the best of times but cricket doesn't need this nonsense. Pat Cummings' mum dying is \*not\* the time to drive a wedge between him and Smith. You're as bad as Wally's diseased wozzler.

## The Triple Century Knobs

In Story Time 66 Geoff assesses the list of everyone who has scored a triple century and most of them (some already on this list) are, it turns out, knobs. This is the 'Triple Century Knob rating', and only 10 of 27 (at the time of the episode) were not knobs - or at least, not that we know of.