The War of Wars

**The War of Wars** is the 10th episode of Kong Does It Again.

## Plot

*Jimmy Kong is seen in the driveway house, looking over a clipboard.*

**Jimmy Kong:** ...Ilobulus, you have the two by four...

**Ilobulus:** Check!

**Jimmy Kong:** ...USB, you have the sword…

**USB:** You bet.

**Jimmy Kong:** And Hearty’s got the battering ram.

*Hearty is seen carrying the battering ram with the help of R.I.C. and Calligraphy.*

**Hearty:** I think it’s called an enforcer.

**Jimmy Kong:** Toxic Mushroom and Four 2.0 don’t need weapons, and people without arms, all you can really do is charge at The Jackal and hope for the best. Except for Mister Snake, of course.

*Mister Snake is seen holding a knife with his tail.*

**Mister Snake:** My knife never lets me down.

**Jimmy Kong:** Right! We’re ready to start the ritual, and take this guy down. But first, we need to do the elimination.

*Everybody groans.*

**USB:** Do we really need one less person to help us deal with this omnipotent evil?

**Jimmy Kong:** Oh BOO HOO, we’re gonna be a twenty two person team instead of a twenty three person team. I feel so sorry. Manatees, come to the parking lot.

*The scene cuts to Jimmy Kong standing with the Manatees in the parking lot.*

**Jimmy Kong:** Manatees, you lost last time, we got 22 votes, blah blah blah. I’m really anxious to get this over with. Can we count the weapons I’ve given you as prizes?

**Alarm Clock:** But Jimmy Kong, I never got a weapon because I have no arms.

**Jimmy Kong:** If you don’t be quiet you’re not gonna have any legs either. I want to kill this guy so we can finally get rid of this gas and take off these stupid masks. Six of you got no votes, being R.I.C., Calligraphy, Domino, Ilobulus, Poorly-Made Card, and Poke Egg.

**Ilobulus:** Sweet!

**Jimmy Kong:** Toxic Mushroom and Alarm Clock earned one vote.

**Toxic Mushroom:** If you knew that the next episode we had to fight somebody, why on Earth would you vote for ME?!

**Jimmy Kong:** Hearty and Four 2.0, you got two and three votes respectively. You’re safe.

**Beisel Globuley:** But that means…

**Jimmy Kong:** Beisel Globuley and Bracelety! Now it’s down to the two of you. I can’t say either of you will be very useful in the fight, so maybe it doesn’t matter which one of you goes.

**Bracelety:** Hey!

**Jimmy Kong:** One of you is safe at three votes, and the other is eliminated at eight. Safe at three votes is…

**Jimmy Kong:** Bracelety!

**Bracelety:** Phew! Team, you get to use the fro-

**Beisel Globuley:** We GET it! You have a frozen ice cream machine! God!

*Beisel hangs his head in shame.*

**Beisel Globuley:** I figured this would happen… I’m just surprised it didn’t happen earlier.

*Beisel Globuley looks up and shrugs.*

**Beisel Globuley:** Come on! Let’s head to jail.

*The shot cuts to Beisel Globuley walking into the jail cell where Long-Name, Knot, and Micycle’s corpse are situated.*

**Beisel Globuley:** Whaddup.

**Knot:** Hello, Beisel.

*Jimmy Kong closes the cell door.*

**Jimmy Kong:** Wait, Beisel, I gave you a spear, right?

**Beisel Globuley:** Yeah.

**Jimmy Kong:** Could I please have it? I just realized I’m probably going to have to fight too.

*Beisel tosses Jimmy Kong the spear.*

**Jimmy Kong:** Thanks! See you later, losers.

*The contestants leave the jailhouse.*

**Red Velvet:** So, where are we going to start the ritual?

**Jimmy Kong:** Let’s do it at the library.

**Isotope:** JIMMY KONG! You can’t do it at the library! What if it get destroyed or ruined? That place is an important public resource, think of how much knowledge could ge-

*Jimmy Kong smacks Isotope.*

**Jimmy Kong:** It’s a public library built by rodents, not the Library of Alexandria! You need to be quiet or I’m going to confiscate your chain mace. I’ll bring the building back with my remote once the gas is gone.

**Isotope:** Okay… but you’re still worrying me.

**Jimmy Kong:** Can’t say I care. Let’s go!

*The scene cuts to the contestants in the reading section of the library. Toxic Mushroom is seen pushing aside tables to make room for the ritual.*

**Jimmy Kong:** Night Cap, I’ve trusted you with my life to bring the red paint. You have it, right?

**Night Cap:** Yep!

**Jimmy Kong:** AND the paintbrush?

**Night Cap:** For sure.

**Cola:** Hold on… hold on, where’s my weapon?

**Jimmy Kong:** Cola, you are a gentle breeze away from dying, and that duct tape isn’t really holding anything together. I didn’t give you one. Anyways, let’s start the ritual.

*Jimmy Kong opens the book.*

**Jimmy Kong:** “The Ritual of The Jackal starts with a pentagram…”

**Ilobulus:** What’s a pentagram?

**Jimmy Kong:** It’s a star in a circle.

**Ilobulus:** Why didn’t you say that?

**Jimmy Kong:** THE BOOK SAYS PENTAGRAM. Anyways, paint a pentagram on the floor.

*Night Cap paints the pentagram on the carpet and steps back.*

**Jimmy Kong:** Next, we have to place one of the five objects on each point of the pentagram.

*Eraser Cap puts an object her team collected on each point of the star.*

**Jimmy Kong:** And then… crap, we need a flame. Does anybody have a match, or a lighter… or…

*Mister Snake pulls out a lighter.*

**Mister Snake:** You're buying something else for me to light cigs with.

*Mister Snake hands the lighter to Jimmy Kong.*

**Jimmy Kong:** Then we’ll have to toss this into the pentagram. Everyone step back a little…

*The contestants walk backwards a bit, the whole group now standing across from the pentagram.*

**Jimmy Kong:** Raise your weapons… and get ready!

*Jimmy Kong flicks the lighter on as the contestants position their weapons. He throws it in the center of the pentagram, creating a burst of fire. When it clears, The Jackal is sitting in the center of the pentagram. He looks at the dirty magazine.*

**The Jackal:** I told them not to write that…

**Jimmy Kong:** Right, turbovirgin! This is your last day on earth. Me and my super cool team here are going to decimate you. But first, we’d like an explanation as to why you've decided to poison this whole town.

*The pentagram and the objects in it fade away as the Jackal sits up a little straighter.*

**The Jackal:** I suppose I could give you one. You see… I've always considered Weaselton a perfect city. Almost every resident was biological. A living, breathing, feeling being. Almost no objects in sight… until you came. I was appalled. I figured I could team up with your snake, seeing as he was one of the only real animals, but he declined. You've brought nearly thirty of your soulless monsters to what was an otherwise untainted city… and I didn't want to stand for it.

**Jimmy Kong:** So your solution to get rid of the objects was to turn all of the citizens into zombies?

**The Jackal:** I thought it would be fitting if you died at the hands of something biological.

*The Jackal looks smug.*

**The Jackal:** I'm cleansing the population of Earth, one city at a time. I was going to propose you join me, Kong, but it's clearly too late for you. Really a shame. But hey, if a battle is what you want to happen…

*The spear Jimmy Kong is holding levitates out of his hands and points at him.*

**The Jackal:** ...a battle is what's going to happen.

*The spear thrusts directly into Jimmy Kong’s heart, killing him. He slumps to the ground. The contestants look shocked.*

**Computery:** HE RUINED JIMMY’S LEATHER JACKET!

**Red Velvet Cake:** KILL HIM!

*The contestants charge at The Jackal with their weapons, but get confused as he vanishes. He reappears behind them, Jimmy Kong's corpse levitating next to him.*

**The Jackal:** And now you're hopeless!

*Jimmy Kong burns to ash. Four 2.0 steps ahead and fires a barrage of bullets at The Jackal with his arm, but they pass through as he becomes semi-transparent. As he reforms he makes Four 2.0’s arm crumble. The rest of the cast scatters in different directions trying to approach him.*

**Hearty:** Okay, gang! While he’s not looking we get him with the enforcer!

*The Jackal teleports to a woozy Four 2.0 and sends him flying backwards into the wall. Hearty, Calligraphy, and R.I.C. charge at him carrying the enforcer, but he turns around and sends them flying into the air.*

**Computery:** That guy can kill people with his mind alone! How are we supposed to get him just out of luck?

**USB:** Let’s try throwing stuff at him!

*USB starts grabbing books off the shelf and throwing them at the Jackal. The first two catch him off guard and hit him, but he grabs the next two in mid-air with his powers. He sends them back and USB and Computery, breaking them, and then pushes over a bookshelf onto Domino, Fish Bowly and Poke Egg.*

**Isotope:** STOP, stop! We surrender!

**The Jackal:** Hey, check out this cool thing I can do.

*The bookshelf sets on fire, spreading to the carpet under it. Isotope looks horrified. The Jackal starts walking over to Isotope, ripping Poorly-Made Card and knocking aside Cola in the process.*

**The Jackal:** Check out this other cool thing I can do!

*Isotope bursts into flames. Ilobulus and Eraser Cap are seen cowering.*

**Ilobulus:** Great! Now he’s set the whole building on fire…

*The Jackal looks over at Ilobulus and he bursts on the spot as Eraser Cap starts to run. Suddenly, Bubble Chat swoops in and grabs onto The Jackal’s neck with his mouth.*

**The Jackal:** *Augh!*

*Toxic Mushroom runs over and starts throwing punches at The Jackal. It looks as if he’s being held down, but he shakes of Bubble Chat and sends him flying into the wall with his powers. He does the same to Toxic Mushroom in the opposite direction. Meanwhile, Eraser Cap, Red Velvet, Night Cap, Alarm Clock and Bracelety are seen standing in a big group.*

**Night Cap:** ALRIGHT EVERYBODY! WE’RE THE FINAL FIVE, WE GOTTA DO THIS! ARE WE READY!

**Bracelety:** YEAH!

**Alarm Clock:** YEAH!

**Night Cap:** WE’RE READY RIGHT??

**Eraser Cap:** YES I AM

**Red Velvet:** AW YEAH I’M READY

**Night Cap:** THEN LET’S DO THISSSS

*The entire group bursts into flames.*

**Alarm Clock:** Ah, crap.

*They all collapse. The Jackal looks smug as the library arounds him becomes entirely engulfed in flames.*

**The Jackal:** What a shame… looks like I come out on top.

*Debris from the ceiling falls down around The Jackal.*

**The Jackal:** They should have seen it coming. No mere unfeeling, unbreathing thing is going to kill me…

**Mister Snake:** But I will!

*Mister Snake jumps at The Jackal from behind and slits his throat before he has time to react. He slumps to the floor.*

**Mister Snake:** Aw yeah babey. Mister Snake does it again.

*The Jackal slowly looks up at Mister Snake, and says in a rapsy voice:*

**The Jackal:** You and I could have made a brilliant team, boy… it’s a shame you turned down my offer.

**Mister Snake:** I wouldn’t work with you.

**The Jackal:** Just know this… you can’t kill me in any way that matters. You can take my life, collect my corpse and bury it… but you’ll never kill the idea of me. Goodbye, Mister Snake. I have a feeling we’ll meet again very soon.

*The Jackal dies in front of Mister Snake.*

**Mister Snake:** Hah! What a dork.

*Suddenly, the fire causes the building to collapse, crushing Mister Snake. The blue gas slowly fades away and the sun shines. A weasel with a flower behind her ear is seen looking out the window excitedly as the gas vanishes.*

**Missy:** Mack! Mack, come over quick!

*Missy rushes over into the bedroom of the house, where the Mayor Weasel is sleeping. She shakes him awake.*

**Missy:** Wake up, the gas is gone!

*Mayor Weasel gets up and puts his hat on.*

**Mayor Weasel:** It is?!

*The shot cuts to Missy and the Mayor Weasel wandering in the middle of the street.*

**Mayor Weasel:** Not a soul out here. The gas must’ve spared us exclusively… let me call somebody.

*The Mayor Weasel grabs a cellphone and calls Jimmy Kong. He doesn’t pick up.*

**Mayor Weasel:** Must have gotten him too, he always answers. Let’s go revive him and try to find out what’s been going on.

**Missy:** Why would Jimmy Kong know?

**Mayor Weasel:** Anytime there’s a problem in this town Jimmy Kong is involved somehow.

**Missy:** That’s fair.

*Missy and The Mayor Weasel walk into a building with a sign that says Warren’s Recovery Emporium. The Mayor Weasel types Jimmy Kong’s name into a recovery center and revives him. He comes back with his hands over his heart.*

**Jimmy Kong:** Damn, did that hurt… hey guys, what’s up?

**Mayor Weasel:** The gas is gone. Any idea what caused it?

**Jimmy Kong:** Oh yeah, this jackal guy was racist towards things that weren’t animals.

**Missy:** So he poisoned all the animals?

**Jimmy Kong:** That’s what I said!

*Jimmy Kong and Missy highfive.*

**Jimmy Kong:** How’d you survive, anyway? Gas masks?

**Mayor Weasel:** House was sealed. Airtight.

**Jimmy Kong:** Ah. Anyways, my contestants evidently killed the guy, so that issue is off your hands now. Speaking of contestants, let me go grab my remote.

*The scene cuts to Jimmy Kong with his remote in the driveway of the Kong House, with the Mayor Weasel and Missy close by. He revives the contestants, who look surprised that the gas is gone.*

**Jimmy Kong:** Yeesh! Did ALL of you die?

**Bracelety:** Bold question coming from the guy who died first!

**Jimmy Kong:** Who killed him?

**Mister Snake:** It was me.

**Jimmy Kong:** Good work! I’m sure you all did a great job.

**Computery:** So if Mister Snake killed The Jackal, does that mean the Manatees are up for elimination?

**Jimmy Kong:** Actually, I was thinking that nobody is up for elimination this time.

*The contestants gasp.*

**Jimmy Kong:** Yeah! It was a group effort, wasn’t it? You all fought the guy, you deserve to be safe.

**Poke Egg:** That’s a relief!

**Jimmy Kong:** Furthermore, an eliminated contestant will be rejoining the game!

*The contestants gasp again.*

**Jimmy Kong:** In the next episode, one of these contestants will be coming back to the battle. Here are their auditions now.

**Arf!**

**With my diamond sword, I'll help the Manatees secure the epic win!**

**Vote for me, and I'll bring strength to this competition!**

**Jimmy Kong used me as a scapegoat for his lies, and that’s unfair! I deserve to come back.**

**Please vote for me!! I'm not ready to explode again!**

**I should rejoin, because I'm not ready to re-tire!**

**Please let me rejoin! I haven't been able to pay the bills since I died, and I'm pretty sure my house has been repossessed!**

**Wesley’s your man.**

**With length comes strength!**

**I’m the ol' reliable, the ol' Bessy, the good ol' Always Work! Ignore the contestants’ weasel words, and vote for me!**

**This is SUPPOSED to say Biesel.**

**Jimmy Kong:** So vote for one of these contestants to rejoin!

**Missy:** But vote Wesley especially.

**Jimmy Kong:** Why Wesley?

**Missy:** He was my friend.

**Jimmy Kong:** Voting ends January 4th. Goodbye and good luck!

## Trivia

* This is the third episode with no stringer. First being Amnesia, second being Book Learning.