School/Transcript

The following is the transcript for the Dumb Teacher Season 4 episode, *School*.

## The New Game

*(Scene opens in front of Dan's house, where Dan is seen hovering back home on his hoverboard holding a game case and a white Sminster bag, he then walks inside his house through door excited, his mother walks up to him)*

* **Cheryl**: Hey, son, how was school, today?
* **Dan**: It was alright, but the good part was at the end of the day, because I got my copy of School for the RS3 today!
* **Cheryl**: Mature? Let me see the back of the back of the box. *(Dan gives her the box, she reads the game contents on the rating)* Hm, let's see, Blood, Drug Reference, Sexual Themes, Strong Language, and Violence. Dan, I'll allow you to play this game as long as you don't imitate the violence in the game, okay?
* **Dan**: I don't mimic video game violence, mom. I play a *hell* ton of Mortal Kombat at the arcade downtown. Plus, my name is on top of the high score on that game.
* **Cheryl**: Good! But, also, don't do drugs.
* **Dan**: Okay.
* **Cheryl**: Would you like some lunch?
* **Dan**: No thanks, Mom. Not, "no thanks" as in I hate your cooking, I mean, your cooking's great, but "no thanks" because I got myself some Sminster on the way home.
* **Cheryl**: That's fine, Danny-kins.

*(Dan's phone rings, he answers it, Logan is on the line)*

* **Logan**: Hey man, did you get School today?
* **Dan**: Yeah! I haven't played it yet, but I know it's gonna be awesome!
* **Logan**: Well, last Saturday on Toonami, TOM 3 did a review on School, and I recorded it on VHS!
* **Dan**: Awesome! Think you can send me the tape?
* **Logan**: Sure!
* **Dan**: But, since you and your dad like to record full Toonami broadcasts, I need to know, when does the review happen?
* **Logan**: It happens after the sign-on!
* **Dan**: It does? Awesome! Can't wait to see it!
* **Logan**: I'll be at your house tonight to give you the tape. Just like how Toonami signs off, later.
* **Dan**: Later. *(hangs up)*
* **Johnny**: Hey, son!
* **Dan**: Oh, hi, dad!
* **Johnny**: What's that stuff you're carrying?
* **Dan**: It's a new game I got for my RS3, and some Sminster I brought home for my lunch.
* **Johnny**: RS3?
* **Dan**: RealStation 3. I got that console on my birthday last year, how do you not remember that?
* **Johnny**: I dunno.
* **Dan**: Ugh, whatever. *(Dan walks upstairs to his room)* I'm heading up to my room now, got a new game to play!

*(Scene cuts to Dan's room, where he puts his Sminster bag on the floor and pops his School disc in his RealStation 3. The RS3 startup then plays on his TV. He picks up a controller and sits down on his blue beanbag. a 1975 William Benter poster, along with some Bionicle V, Toonami, and Michael Vlokozu posters are seen in the background next to Dan's El Kadsre flag being hung up on the wall)*

* **Dan**: Alright! Let's kick some ass!

*(Dan begins playing the game as he takes out a burger from his bag, and starts eating it. Dan's door is open just a crack. A, “Flags of the Vlokozu Union" poster is seen on the door. Cheryl looks through the door, then sighs and walks downstairs. The scene cuts to the living room, where Johnny is seen watching TV, Cheryl sits next to him)*

* **Cheryl**: Johnny, can I talk to you for a moment?
* **Johnny**: Yeah.
* **Cheryl**: Johnny, I don't know what I'm saying, but...I think my Danny-kins is growing up.
* **Johnny**: Hm?
* **Cheryl**: Our Dan's growing up, Johnny. He often wants to spend some time by himself or with his friends, he gets his own lunch, and he owns a hoverboard company, which is a subsidiary of his own tech company! But what if...He doesn't want to see me anymore?
* **Johnny**: Cheryl, you know that's not gonna happen. My mother once told me that even though kids like Dan grow up, it doesn't mean they'll never want to see you again. We all grow up, but we never grow out of our love for our parents. No matter what.
* **Cheryl**: *(sigh)* Maybe you're right. My Danny-kins *will* grow up, but he'll never grow out of our love. For someone who's often careless, you're still a good person to talk to.
* **Johnny**: *(A 2-pause occurs)* Hm.
* **Cheryl**: Anyhow, I'm going to my sister's wedding in San Jose, California. I'll be back in the evening, alright?
* **Johnny**: Okay.
* **Cheryl**: *(takes out phone and texts Dan)* Better let Dan know.

*(Scene cuts back to Dan's room, where is seen playing the game, gameplay footage is seen on the screen. A container of Smits-Fries are seen by him. Dan's phone buzzes, and he pauses the game. He reads the text, which says, "Hi, Danny-kins, I'm going on a plane to San Jose to visit your Aunt Camilla for her wedding, I'll be back in the evening. Just wanted to text you so I don't bother your game. Behave yourself. Luv U ;)". Dan then puts his phone down and unpauses the game as he continues playing. We then cut to a text on a black background that says, "three hours later..." before cutting back to Dan's room, where it is shown on the screen that he has beaten the game. An empty box of Smits-Pizza can be seen on the floor by his beanbag, Dan then walks to his desk, sits down, then turns on his laptop. The boot-up sound plays. Dan logs on to a website and types a review.)*

* **Dan**: *(reading along as he types)* "My short review: This game, is the bomb! A sweet depiction of school shooters makes the game real fun, and thrilling, too! I just beat the game, and all of a sudden, I wanna play it again and again, no matter what! Check this game out if you can." *(stops typing)* Let's give it a... ninety-five outta one hundred. Nice! Send.

*(Dan then turns off his computer, grabs his hoverboard, and walks downstairs. The scene* *cuts to the living room, where Dan walks by Johnny)*

* **Dan**: Dad, I heard about Mom's trip. I'm going on my hoverboard to fly around town. See you in a bit.

*(Johnny ignores him as Dan heads out the front door on his hoverboard. The scene then cuts to a shot of Dan flying around downtown Greenhill. “Limelight” by Rush plays in the background)*

TBA

(The song fades out for 3 seconds as the scene cuts to a shot of the Milton & Murphy Insurance building for 2 seconds before cutting to the inside of a break room, where Johnny is seen sitting among three other colleagues at a table)

* **Worker #1**: You guys know how that School shooter game has become popular recently?
* **Worker #2**: Yeah. What’s up?
* **Worker #1**: Well, when I played the two-player mode with my son, I realized something *really* coincidental about the shooter in the game.
* **Worker #3**: What is it?
* **Johnny**: Yeah, what is it?
* **Worker #1**: I realized that the shooter, looks *exactly* like Johnny Evans!
* **Johnny**: What? That’s ridiculous! Why would a game character look like me? *(his digital watch goes off)* Oh, that’s the end of my shift. See you tomorrow, guys.
* **Workers**: See ya, Johnny.

## Toonami Game Review/Johnny's Shock & New Behavior

*(Johnny is in his car on his way home from work, when he gets a call from Cheryl on his phone, she is at the airport)*

* **Johnny**: Hello?
* **Cheryl**: Hi, honey, I'm gonna be home late tonight, my flight back from California has been delayed due to the fucking rain, guess I *should* blame it on the rain like Milli Vanilli said. Do you think you can order the pizza tonight?
* **Johnny**: Yeah, yeah, I can do that.
* **Cheryl**: Good. The pizza's a large pizza with pepperoni, alright? Also, can you please spend some time with Dan? Try taking turns playing that new game he got after school, or maybe even watch his friend's anime recordings with him. It's that programming block Dan watches every Saturday night. I heard his friend is gonna give him a VHS recording of a broadcast featuring a game review.
* **Johnny**: Oh, I see. I can work with that.
* **Cheryl**: Good, I'll see you tonight, then. Bye. *(she hangs up)*

*(Scene cuts to Dan's house at night, Logan arrives at the door with a VHS tape and rings the doorbell, Dan answers it)*

* **Dan**: Hey, Logan, what's up?
* **Logan**: I got you the recording of TOM's School review.
* **Dan**: Thanks, bro!
* **Logan**: You too.

*(Logan gives Dan the VHS tape and leaves, Dan closes the door)*

* **Johnny**: Hey. Who's TOM?
* **Dan**: He's the mascot of Toonami, the block I watch every Saturday night while drinking chips and soda. Sometimes I like to watch it with Logan at his house, him and his divorced father record full broadcasts of the block. His father sends him copies of his recordings.
* **Johnny**: Huh, interesting. Your mother did tell me I should spend time with you, so, how about I watch that tape with you.
* **Dan**: Sure. May I also offer you a can of light beer?
* **Johnny**: Why not? I'm thirsty anyway. *(grabs can, opens it, and takes a sip of it, Dan walks to the TV and puts the VHS tape into the player)*
* **Dan**: Alright, tape is in, let's get started.

*(Dan presses the play button, which plays Toonami's sign-on sequence used from 2004-2007 on the screen)*

* **SARA**: Receiving Clyde 53 transmission. Uploading video for broadcast. Alright, TOM, we're ready!
* **TOM 3**: I love this job!

*(Scene cuts back to the couch)*

* **Johnny**: Wow. A really cool intro in just 30 seconds. What's next?
* **Dan**: Oh, man! Here comes the review!

*(Scene cuts back to the TV screen, which shows a 2 second shot of the Absolution flying straight while house music plays, then cuts to another scene, where TOM is seen entering the cockpit)*

* **TOM 3**: Y'know, I'll admit that first-person shooter games are common in the gaming industry, and school shootings are uncommon in the real world, but when game developers mix school shootings with FPS games, you may expect something bad like an LJN game, right? Well... *(Scene cuts to a black screen featuring School's logo as blood splatters behind the logo)* Guess again.
* **Johnny**: Wait, TOM is that robot I see on one of your posters in your room?
* **Dan**: Yup.
* **TOM 3**: At first glance, School may look like a really controversial game offensively portraying school shooters, but it isn't. It's about this guy named Kenny Baxter, who was responsible for the infamous 2001 Portland Elementary School shooting, which, surprisingly, didn't happen.

*(Johnny spits his beer out in shock, which shocks Dan)*

* **Dan**: Dad, not at the TV!

*(Footage of the game is shown on TOM 3's monitor)*

* **TOM 3**: In the game, you play as Kenny, who must shoot down every single student in the school. Once you're finished, you move on to the next level, where you gun down another school. In fact, the whole story involves Kenny shooting down every school in an unknown area in California.

*(Scene cuts to TOM's control room, where SARA appears)*

* **SARA**: TOM, doesn't shooting down every school in an area mark as a controversial activity?
* **TOM 3**: Not in a video game, it doesn't.

*(Scene cuts back to the living room)*

* **Johnny**: This is outrageous. That kid looks exactly like me, only with sunglasses!
* **Dan**: Huh, weird, I never thought he looked like you. Must be a coincidence.

*(More gameplay footage is seen)*

* **TOM 3**: You know what would be pretty epic? If Samuel L. Jackson voiced the school shooter and the shooter was black. Hell, if Samuel was the guy that shot up the Columbine High School, he'd be *my* hero.
* **SARA**: But, but-
* **TOM 3**: What?
* **SARA**: Uh...Never mind. Carry on.
* **TOM 3**: As the game goes on, it gets harder and harder, but it also gets better and better. You get cool new weapons, new enemies, and even more pop culture references adored by many people worldwide on the way, like 50 Cent's new video. Plus, when you beat the game, you unlock three sick modes! Multiplayer, boss rush, and challenge mode, which really adds up to the game's hype. If you're looking for a game that gives you the thrill of school shooting, then this game's for you. Toonami gives School a 9 and a half out of 10. Shoot those suckers, Ken-

*(Johnny turns off the TV)*

* **Dan**: Dad, I was watching that!
* **Johnny**: I'm sorry, son, but that review was horrible! And as punishment, *(takes School game case)* I'm locking your copy of School up so you can never play it again!
* **Dan**: What? You can't do that just because TOM gave the game a 9 and a half out of 10!
* **Johnny**: I don't care about that TOM guy! You're grounded, mister!
* **Dan**: The fuck should I be grounded for?!

*(Johnny slaps him and holds him by the wall)*

* **Johnny**: Listen here, son, you do *not* use that language when I'm around. I hereby declare you GROUNDED!

*(Johnny drops Dan, he leaves the room and walks up the stairs while sulking)*

* **Dan**: *(in Russian; subtitled)* I hope you fucking die.
* **Johnny**: *(Calling from downstairs)* I don't know what that means, but I hope it doesn't mean anything sinister, because if it does, your nuts are *DEAD*!

*(Johnny sits back on the couch and sighs. The doorbell rings, Johnny walks up to and opens the door, a Pizza Delivery Guy is there)*

* **Pizza Delivery Guy**: The pizza's here.

*(Johnny takes the pizza without paying. He then slams the door and goes back inside)*

* **Pizza Delivery Guy**: Uh, where's my tip?

*(Johnny comes back outside and kicks the Pizza Delivery Guy in the testicles, causing him to fall on his back and groan in pain. He slams the door again and goes back inside, where he sits back down, opens the box, and eats a slice as he sighs, scene cuts to Dan's room, where he is seen calling someone on his phone. Scene cuts to airplane, where Cheryl answers her phone)*

* **Cheryl**: Hello?

*(Scene split-screens from Dan in his bedroom (left) and from Cheryl on the plane (right))*

* **Dan**: Hey, Mom.
* **Cheryl**: Oh! Hi, Danny-kins, what's up?
* **Dan**: Mom, Dad and I were watching one of Logan's Toonami tapes, and, a review for School came on and, afterwards...He suddenly wasn't his carefree-self anymore. He said the main character of School looked like him, and, all of a sudden, he grounded me, just because of a Toonami game review. I mean, c'mon, Dad, it's just a game, it's not gonna hurt ya.
* **Johnny**: *(offscreen)* "*NOT* GONNA HURT ME", HUH?

*(The split-screen slides to Dan's room, where Johnny is seen furious at Dan)*

* **Dan**: Uh-oh.

*(Scene cuts to outside of Dan's house in front of his bedroom window, where Johnny is seen beating him up and destroying part of his room.)*

* **Dan**: DAD, STOP IT, PLEASE! DAD, THAT WAS A LIMITED EDITION RINAVA POST- OW! STOP, PLEASE!

*(Johnny throws Dan at a wall and then tears down his El Kadsre flag hanging on the wall. Johnny then angrily breathes for 3 seconds)*

* **Johnny**: Now listen here, SON! I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID TOONQUAKE, YOUR-
* **Dan**: IT'S CALLED TOONAMI, YOU RETARD!

*(Johnny grabs a bruised and beaten Dan by his neck, pins him by a wall, and then punches him in the face and headbutts him. He drops him afterward)*

* **Johnny**: *SHUT* THE FUCK UP! I ALSO DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID TEACHER, YOUR STUPID LOVE FOR EL CADDY! YO-IF YOU REALLY LOVE EL CRAPPY SO MUCH, WHY DON'T YOU GO MARRY IT AND GET A FUCKING LIFE?! GIVING BIRTH TO YOU WAS THE WORST MISTAKE YOUR MOTHER HAS EVER MADE! I ALSO DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR FUCKING NIRAVA, YOUR FUCKING SWINESTER, YOUR FUCKING TECHNICAL HEROINES, YOUR FUCKING MICHELLIN BLOKZAN, YOUR BLOKZAN UNION, NA...DA!!! *(quietly)* Piece of shit.

*(Johnny leaves Dan's room and slams his door)*

* **Dan**: Ow...Surely this is just a one-night phase, it'll eventually wear off the next day, and then Dad will be back to his normal, carefree self. I hope.

*(Scene cuts to the next morning, where Cheryl is seen cooking pancakes, Dan walks to the fridge and opens it, Cheryl notices him)*

* **Cheryl**: Good morning, Danny-kins, are you feeling better from last night? *(Dan grabs a can of soda from the fridge and closes the fridge)* Oh, Dan, it's breakfast time, you shouldn't be drinking soda in the morning without my permission.
* **Dan**: Sorry, Mom. Dad beat the living crap out of me last night while you were away and I had to stay up until three to let my wounds heal. *(Dan opens can and drinks it)* Oh, god, the pain...It still hurts,

*(Johnny walks in angry, Cheryl notices him walking in but doesn't see his anger)*

* **Cheryl**: Good morning, Johnn- *(Johnny throws pan on the ground, shocking Cheryl)* JOHNNY, WHAT THE HELL?! THAT PAN'S *REALLY* EXPENSIV-

*(Johnny beats her up with brass knuckles, then goes to Dan and punches his face and soda can out of his hand. Johnny holds Dan down on the table on his back, opens fridge, grabs a new can of soda from the fridge, shakes it rapidly, then opens it up Dan's anus, causing a spray of the drink to come out of the can. Dan then vomits out the same liquid, then gags. Johnny runs back to Cheryl, undressing her invisible clothes as two black censor bars appear around her breasts and crotch)*

* **Johnny**: ALRIGHT, TOONMETEOR-LOVER, WANNA SEE THE REAL WORLD, MOTHERFUCKER?! HERE'S THE REAL WORLD FOR YOU!
* **Dan**: I told you, it's, "Toonami"! Get it ri-

*(Johnny starts raping Cheryl off-screen while the camera cuts to Dan looking at the rape as his hair dye slowly melts and has his real hair turns white, traumatizing him. Muffled groaning noises from Cheryl are heard as a short dramatic sting plays. The scene cuts to the park, where Dan is seen sitting at a bench still traumatized, Logan walks up to him)*

* **Logan**: Hey, Dan! There's an ice cream truck parked in front of the park, and they're giving away free ice cream containers and popsicles! *(Dan doesn't respond)* You okay there, Dan? Alright, I'll bring you a container, a-and also a sad Sagwa popm if you’d like that, too. El Kadsreian's love that siamese cat and you're an Elkadsreophile.

*(Logan walks away. McNeese walks on a path whistling and notices Dan)*

* **McNeese**: What the fuck is this? Hey, *(knocks on Dan's head a few times, Dan doesn't respond)* honky pickaninny! You up? *(McNeese notices his white hair)* Whoa, are you fuckin' traumatized? *(McNeese looks around, the looks at Dan sinisterly)* Well, McNeese, you *did* want to do this one day, and today's *that* motherfucking day...

*(McNeese drags Dan to the park bathroom, inside, there are two toilet stalls, McNeese enters the big one. In the other stall, Tom is seen sitting on the toilet playing on his phone. After three seconds, punching noises can be heard, Tom puts his phone in his invisible pocket and leans up to look on the stall's wall bordering the the first stall and sees what is going on in silent shock. McNeese is seen brutally beating up Dan, but Dan does not respond, remaining in his traumatic form. After 20 seconds, McNeese twists his right arm and throws him on the bathroom floor)*

* **McNeese**: Whoo!! That was fuckin' fun! *(to Dan)* Suck my white pride cock, Kad-lovin' bitch! Ha-hoo!

*(McNeese walks out of the stall and leaves the bathroom, Tom climbs back down to the floor)*

* **Tom**: Oh my god! Dan's been traumatized! I gotta take him home, he needs to recover, both from his traumatization, *and* that unnecessary beating our retarded racist teacher gave him. Since he's an Elkadsreophile, I better head to the library.

*(Scene cuts to the front of the Greenhill Mall, where Johnny is seen in front of it wearing a ski mask and carrying an empty sack. The camera then cuts to the inside of the mall, where Johnny is seen walking to the Spencer’s. After a 3-second stall in front of the store, he grabs out a rifle gun and fires it at the store glass, an alarm can be heard, as Johnny runs into the store ready to rob stuff. The camera then cuts to the Greenhill Public Library, where inside, Tom is reading a book called, "How to Put an Elkadsreophile out of a Traumatic State", Dan is seen next to him still in his traumatic state lying on the table)*

* **Tom**: Let's see... *(reads book)* Do you have a friend, relative, or acquaintance who is an Elkadsreophile? An Elkadsreophile is someone who loves either the country of El Kadsre or the El Kadsreian Islands themselves. Examples of that one person being an Elkadsreophile are: having a huge love for the Technic Heroes franchise and Technic energy drink, wanting to worship Vlokism while not wanting to join the religion itself, their favorite band being Rinava, their idol being Michael Vlokozu, wanting to have sex with Linda Grundy or Lindsay Smith, the latter actually being hotter than Linda, and many more! The process of de-traumatizing an Elkadsreophile is basically simple. Just follow these basic steps: *(the camera begins to zoom out as Tom continues to read, which is heard in mumbles. After five seconds, the camera fades to a montage of Tom setting up the process for Dan's de-traumatization at his house. Tom looks through his record cabinet, then notices his mother walking past him)* Hey Mom, have you seen our record of the 1976 Saturn motion picture soundtrack?
* **Jenna**: It's probably by our Milli Vanilli record, why don't you check?
* **Tom**: Okay, thanks. *(Tom continues looking until he finally finds it)*

*(The montage continues with Tom getting out cans of Panchi from his fridge, then grabbing a book called, "I Am Vlokozu: My Story of Peace" from his bookshelf, and finally putting a DVD of Robotman into his DVD player)*

## The Torture

*(The scene cuts to Tom's living room, where he is seen reading the book, while "Encounter" by Ryota Yamada plays from Tom's record player and laser sounds are heard from the TV.)*

* **Tom**: *(reading)* At the University of Queensland, I became interested in Kayosism, which is the one religion that inspired me to form Vlokism, and to move to El Kadsre. Not only was Queensland the one place I got my degree as a politician, I had also met the kind Laverne Didi Csupo there, who agreed with my thoughts of world peace. She became known as Ms. Mikey, to my family, which was given to her when my family heard of her agreement with my beliefs.
* **Dan**: *(wakes up)* Uh, where am I? *(Dan's hair slowly turns back to his natural brown for six seconds)*
* **Tom**: You're at my house. I had to bring you here because you were traumatized from... whatever you saw. Plus, I saw you traumatized when I saw our antisemitist teacher beat the living crap outta you. Fortunately I read a book in the library on how to wake up. Thank goodness for Vlokozu's autobiography and El Kadsreian flicks.
* **Dan**: Gee, that actually worked! Thanks, Tom! I gotta head home now. *(Leaves the room)*

*(Scene cuts to outside of Tom's house, where Dan walks out. As soon has he passes the first lamppost after Tom's house, his phone rings and he picks it up. Cheryl is on the line)*

* **Cheryl**: *(on the phone)* Dan, get back home right now! You're not in trouble, but I am! It's your father. After he raped me today, he's gone even worse. He's been stealing sex items from the Spencer's at the mall, he killed a lot of police officers, and now he's gonna get- *(the door is heard being slammed open)* Oh no! HELP ME, DANN- *(muffled noises are heard from Cheryl, then after 2 seconds, gunshot sounds are heard for a split-second. Then, her phone automatically hangs up, assuming that it was destroyed. Dan appears shocked)*
* **Dan**: Oh my god! It's Dad!

*(Dan starts running back to his house through Downtown Greenhill as dramatic music plays. After 14 seconds of running, he stops in front of a TV store, where he looks at a TV set, where a GHTV News report comes on)*

* **GHTV Reporter**: Our top story for tonight, a robbery occurred at the Greenhill Mall earlier this evening, *(TV screen cuts to an image of Johnny in a ski mask robbing the Spencer's)* where an unknown man wearing a ski mask robbed the mall's Spencer's for its ball-gags, lingerie, and dildos. Let's just hope your kids never saw and/or heard that. The robber was wearing thick gloves to hide his fingerprints, so the police don't know who the culprit was. Officers tried arresting him, but they were sadly shot dead by the hands of the culprit's gun, and even more sadly, this was done before they could call in backup. Have information on this vicious, Fliqpy-like robber? Then call the Greenhill Police Department through this number down below.
* **Dan**: Oh, my double god! That's even worse!

*(Dan continues running back home as the music resumes. After 7 seconds, he arrives back home and bursts through the door. Dan starts breathing rapidly as he looks around the house. Then hears groaning from upstairs)*

* **Dan**: Mom!

*(Dan runs upstairs and enters his room, where, to his shock, sees his room having been turned into a sex dungeon and his mother gagged and tied up to his bed)*

* **Dan**: Mom! Are you alright?
* **Cheryl**: *(muffled)* Danny-kins, please help!
* **Dan**: D-Don't worry, I'm calling the police right now.

*(Dan uses his phone to call the police. After a 6 second calling tone, the phone picks up. Officer Drew Sanderson is on the line)*

* **Drew**: *(on the phone)* Hello, you've reached the Greenhill Police Department, this is Officer Sanderson. What's wrong?
* **Dan**: Officer Sanderson, it's Dan Evans. Do you have a police record of a Spencer's at the Greenhill Mall being robbed by a man in a ski mask?
* **Drew**: *(on the phone)* Hmm, let's see...Yup, there's one record of a robbery at the mall and the robber wearing a ski mask tonight.
* **Dan**: Good. I think I have information on who the robber is and what he looks like.
* **Drew**: *(on the phone)* Can you explain what the robber looks like?
* **Dan**: Yes, I can. The robber is white in skin, he has brown hair, and he- *(the phone automatically hangs up)* Huh? *(Dan looks at his phone, where a window pops up saying, "Phone signal lost")* What the? *(Johnny walks up behind him)* How did I suddenly lose signal? *(Dan looks at his Mom, who appears shocked)* Dad's right behind me, isn't he?

*(Johnny grabs Dan by the leg and throws him at the wall, he drops his phone. The music starts to get more intense as Johnny walks towards him with a ball gag in his hand)*

* **Dan**: Dad! No! Don't wrap that ball gag around my-

*(Johnny opens Dan's mouth and wraps the ball gag around his neck. He then pushes him onto the floor and starts beating him up. He runs back to Cheryl and punches her violently. She screams in pain. Johnny then runs back to Dan, puts on brass knuckles, and starts brutally beating him up)*

* **Johnny**: YOU LIKE THAT, TOONCOMET-FUCKER?! I BET SO,TOO!!
* **Dan**: *(muffled)* YOU SICK, RETARTED FUCK, IT'S TOONAMI! NOT TOONQUAKE, TOONMETEOR OR TOONCOMET! STOP MISPRONOUNCING TOONAMI AND BEATING US LIKE CRAP, ASS-

*(Johnny uses a whip to whip Dan's face, then ties him up through ropes on the ceiling. He then slowly walks up to Dan, looking at his invisible crotch)*

* **Dan**: *(scared; muffled)* Dad, what are you doing?

*(Johnny starts drooling as he gets closer to Dan. He then gets on his knees. The music starts to get even more intense as violin screeches can be heard. Afterwards, Johnny grabs out his iPod and plays music on it, which is "Romeo" by Basement Jaxx)*

* **Dan**: *(muffled)* NO! DAD, PLEASE! DON'T! *(Johnny moves his head closer to his penis, and begins sucking it off-screen as the camera faces Dan's head. Dan screams in agony)* OH MY *GOD*! THAT FEELS LIKE SOME DOG'S WET NOSE! Well, actually, it kinda tickles but... PLEASE! IT'S SO CRUEL, MAKE IT STOP! *(The camera cuts to Cheryl as she struggles through her ropes in anger)* I DON'T DESERVE THIS! *(Cheryl breaks free from the ropes and runs up to Johnny, she takes off and throws her gag at him and punches his iPod from his hand. The music stops and the dramatic music resumes)*
* **Cheryl**: *(furious)* GET YOUR FILTHY MOUTH AWAY FROM MY SON'S PENIS, YOU FUCKING PEDOPHILE!

*(Cheryl snatches the brass knuckles out of his hand and puts them on, then begins beating Johnny up. Johnny grabs to her fists and then snatches out the brass knuckles from her fists, then throws them at her. She misses, and then grabs Dan's TV set and throws it at Johnny. He is seen knocked out for a couple of seconds, then wakes up and runs to Cheryl, ready to punch her. Cheryl grabs his hands as they struggle against each other)*

* **Johnny**: DO YOU NOT *REALIZE*, THAT WHAT AM I DOING, IS GOOD FOR YOU ALL? ALL YOUR KAD-LOVING SON DOES EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT IS WATCH THAT STUPID TOONBOMB ON TV, AND ALL YOU DO IS ACT SO FUCKING CARELESS ABOUT EVERYONE, INCLUDING ME! ALL YOU EVER DO ALL DAY IS- *(Dan interrupts him)*
* **Dan**: *(muffled)* TOONAMI, DUMBASS! *(Johnny pushes Cheryl on the floor. He then runs up to Dan, grabs him and throws him on a bed before fisting him off-screen. He screams in pain)* MY ASS! OH MY *GOOOOOOOODDDDDDDD!!!!!!!*

*(Cheryl gets up and runs up to Dan's desk and grabs his laptop, then throws it at Johnny. As Johnny begins rushing towards her, Cheryl grabs Dan's desk and throws it at Johnny, appearing to have finally knocked him out. Cheryl takes Dan's gag off)*

* **Dan**: How did you do that?
* **Cheryl**: Two years of women's yoga videos. Now, look, you're smart enough to know this scenario right now, but all I'm saying is, we have to get away from that psycho for a while. We'll drive all the way to San Jose and live in my sister, your Aunt Camilla's apartment complex. I know it's gonna be tough living far from your friends for a while, but it's the only way to avoid that psycho coming back for us. I'm going to untie you now. *(Cheryl begins untying Dan, but as she does, Johnny pops out from behind her and grabs her by the shoulder, then whips her with his whip. She falls on the floor)* N-No! H-how did-uh-how were you-
* **Johnny**: You weak, weak woman. You don't think I know about the yoga videos? I've watched them to prepare myself in case you'd intervene. You can't stop me, but I can stop you! Nighty-night!

*(Johnny grabs out a shooting stick and blows a tranquilizer dart out of it on Cheryl, knocking her out. He* *then walks up to Dan, puts a white tranquilizer pill in his mouth, then pours some water into his mouth. But instead of swallowing it, he keeps it in his mouth as he kisses Dan, forcing the water from his mouth to Dan's. Dan moans in traumatization as he slowly becomes unconscious. Johnny looks up to the ceiling and starts laughing maniacally. The screen then cuts to black for 3 seconds, then cuts to the back of Cheryl's Toyota Highlander outside. The trunk is open, and Dan and Cheryl, who are seen gagged with their arms and legs tied up, are thrown in. Johnny then closes the back door and gets in the SUV. He starts it and drives into the road. An animated map diorama is seen with a small version of Cheryl's SUV following along the red path. After 12 seconds, the camera cuts to* *a town in Maine, where the SUV drives into the ocean. The camera then cuts back to the map, where a line in the ocean shows that it is driving all the way to Cabotia. A cover of Cabotia's national anthem can be heard playing in the background. The camera then cuts to a beach, the text, "Wakesboro, Cabotia" appears down below for 3 seconds, then fades out. Two Cabotian guys are seen sitting down on beach chairs with a blue cooler inbetween them.)*

* **Cabotian Man #1**: You wanna know one thing funny about us Cabotians?
* **Cabotian Man #2**: What?
* **Cabotian Man #1**: We're basically Canada's twin brother. We talk in the same accent, we have similar cultures and customs like Canada, and the only difference is, we've got beaches all around our edges, eh?
* **Cabotian Man #2**: Yup. I see that. *(grabs a soda bottle out of cooler)* Pop?

*(Engines are heard revving, the two Cabotian guys hear in confusion. Cheryl's SUV then drives out of the ocean, with Johnny still riding it, the two Cabotian guys dodge the car. Johnny drives the SUV off-road next to a Mary Jules Inn, where he turns off the car, opens the trunk, and grabs Dan and Cheryl, who are still unconscious. He sneaks in through an open Emergency Exit door, he enters an elevator, which takes them to the 4th floor. Johnny finds an empty room and forcefully barges through the door. He enters the room, then throws Dan and Cheryl on a bed. Johnny then grabs out a dildo as a dramatic chord plays for five seconds. The camera cuts to the GHTV News intro, which plays for 4 seconds, then cuts to a reporter sitting on a desk)*

* **GHTV Reporter**: Our top story today, ever since the robbery of the Spencer's at the mall last night, a mother and her son, *(a photo with Dan and Cheryl standing in front of a man in a Toa Tahu costume is shown. The yellow text, "FILE PHOTO" is seen on the bottom)* who go by the names of Daniel and Cheryl Evans, have gone missing. The report was filed earlier today, when one of Daniel's friends filed a police report. Reports are coming in that the boy might be the son of the mysterious robber from last night, as a recording of a police call was found, where the boy tried reporting the robber to the police, only to be cutoff midway through the call, when he instantly lost phone service.

*(The camera cuts to a blue background, where a red audio bar is seen on the screen)*

* **Drew**: *(on speaker; subtitled)* Hello, you've reached the Greenhill Police Department, this is Officer Sanderson. What's wrong?
* **Dan**: *(on speaker; subtitled)* Officer Sanderson, it's Dan Evans. Do you have a police record of a Spencer's at the Greenhill Mall being robbed by a man in a ski mask?
* **Drew**: *(on speaker; subtitled)* Hmm, let's see...Yup, there's one record of a robbery at the mall and the robber wearing a ski mask tonight.
* **Dan**: *(on speaker; subtitled)* Good. I think I have information on who the robber is and what he looks like.
* **Drew**: *(on speaker; subtitled)* Can you explain what the robber looks like?
* **Dan**: *(on speaker; subtitled)* Yes, I can. The robber is white in skin, he has brown hair, and he- *(recording ends)*

(The scene cuts back to the news desk)

* **GHTV Reporter**: So far, according to the phone call recording, the suspect has white skin and has brown hair. As a result, we are performing lie detector tests using state-of-the-art lie detection technology by DanTec, Dan Evans’ technology company, on every white skinned and brown-haired male in the city. *(Scene cuts to a group of male, white and brown-haired people waiting in line for a lie detector test)* So far, everyone’s tested negative for lying, which means that the suspect either doesn’t exist or had fled the town. *(A buzzer is heard, meaning that the current person isn't the victim. The scene cuts back to the news desk)* Will he ever be found? We’ll find out more soon. Coming up, the next Lord of the Rings movie is being shot in our own backyard.

*(Scene cuts to the Mary Jules Inn in Cabotia as a dramatic sting plays. Inside one of the rooms, Dan and Cheryl are tied up, beaten and gagged. Eye speculums are seen holding their eyelids open. Johnny is in front of them)*

* **Johnny**: *(sarcastically)* So, how are you enjoying Cabotia so far? Love their signature apples? *(angry)* Oh wait, YOU TWO FUCKING RETARDS AREN'T VISITING, YOU'RE HERE FOR YOUR IMPRISONMENT FOR NOT BELIEVING ME ABOUT SCHOOL!
* **Dan** *(muffled)* Dad, you don't have to do this! Just because you saw a game review on Toonami doesn't mean you can go nuts about the character looking like you!
* **Cheryl**: *(muffled)* Please! You don't have to rape and gag us, that game character just looks like you by coincidence! Please untie us and apologize for your *FUCKING* INCEST ON DAN! HE DESERVES BETTER THAN YOUR CRUEL BLOWJOB!
* **Johnny**: NEVER! *(slaps Dan and Cheryl)* WHILE YOU"RE IMPRISONED, I'M GONNA SUE THE FUCKING CREATOR FOR STEALING MY FACE, BURN HIM TO KINGDOM COME, AND MAYBE CUM ON HIM! UNTIL THEN, YOU'LL BE WATCHING TV, WHERE YOU'LL SEE MY LAWSUIT AGAINST TOUGH ENTERTAINMENT, AND, TO AVOID STARVATION SO YOU DIE AND AVOID THE BROADCAST, I'M GIVING YOU FEEDING TUBES! *(Turns on TV, which shows a commercial for a local business, then puts feeding tubes on to Dan and Cheryl)* *(to Dan)* Oh, and by the way, DON"T EXPECT TOONWAVE TO BE IN CABOTIA! TIM & LARA AREN'T GONNA BE SEEN HERE, SO ENJOY YOUR TOONSTORM-FREE IMPRISONMENT IN CABOTIA, BITCH!
* **Dan**: *(muffled)* FOR THE LAST TIME, IT'S NOT TOONQUAKE, TOONMETEOR, TOONCOMET, TOONBOMB, TOONWAVE, NOR TOONSTORM! IT'S TOONAMI! TOON-AM-I! "TIM" IS ACTUALLY TOM, AND, "LARA" IS ACTUALLY SARA! GET IT RIGHT, YOU ANGRY RETARD!! *(Johnny grabs Dan and throws him onto the floor. Johnny then breaks a lamp into shards, grabs one of the shards, and creates a cut-mark on Dan's face, Dan screams in agony)* OH, GOD, IT FUCKING HURTS!
* **Johnny**: You like that? *(aims his fists at Dan's crotch)* Then take *this!*

*(Johnny starts fisting Dan's penis repeatedly off-screen, Dan screams in pain)*

* **Dan**: *(muffled; high-pitched)* DAD, PLEASE! THIS IS UNNECESSARY TORTURE!

*(Johnny then grabs Dan and pins him on the bed)*

* **Johnny**: Unnecessary? UNNECESSARY?! I'LL SHOW YOU FUCKING UNNECESSARY, *(Johnny pulls out a Dildo, shocking Dan)* KAD-LOVER!
* **Dan**: *(muffled)* NO!! PLEASE DON"T SHOVE THAT THING UP MY- *(Johnny shoves it up his butt, Dan is seen screaming in agony. Johnny continues shoving the dildo up his anus until the handle is quarter-way inside the anus for 6 seconds. Johnny pulls it out afterwards)* *WHY?!*
* **Cheryl**: *(muffled)* JOHNNY, THAT'S ENOUGH! EVER SINCE YOU SAW THAT GAME REVIEW, YOU HAVE GIVEN US *NOTHING* BUT UNNECCESSARY TORTURE AND RAPE! WHEN SOMEONE COMES IN HERE AND FINDS US TIED UP, I'M FILING A DIVORCE, GETTING YOU ARRESTED, AND I'M TAKING DAN WITH ME!!!
* **Dan**: *(muffled)* REGARDING THE CURRENT EVENTS, I'M WITH HER ON THE DIVORCE PLAN!

*(Johnny punches Cheryl, she cries in agony. Johnny puts Dan back down)*

* **Johnny**: I DON'T THINK SO! YOU'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING, ANYWHERE! HAVE A GREAT TIME SUFFERING LIKE BAD FUCKING DOGS!

*(Johnny walks to the door, takes the "Do Not Disturb" tag, and puts it in front of the door. Afterwards, he slams the door shut. The scene then cuts to the hallway, where Johnny is seen walking angrily. A room attendant notices him)*

* **Room Attendant***:* Oh, hello, si-

*(Johnny then angrily grabs the room attendant by the neck, pulls out a gun, points it at his forehead and shoots him before leaving the hallway. The scene cuts to the interior of an elevator, where Johnny is seen standing next to a woman holding a baby. He turns to the woman and punches the baby out of her arms before beating her up to a bloody pulp. Johnny then pushes her onto the floor and starts eating the baby off-screen, as the scene cuts to a close-up of the lady's horrified face, who eventually passes out in shock. He then walks out of the elevator, leaving the woman and her child behind, and then leaves the hotel. The scene then cuts back to the room Dan and Cheryl are trapped in)*

* **Dan**: *(muffled)* Oh, man. Dad totally raped us, beat us, and abused us. But hey, we're trapped in Cabotia, and even though it's a knockoff country of Canada, they still have great TV shows and movies.
* **Cheryl**: *(muffled)* You're right, maybe we'll be entertained during our imprisonment. Thank god.
* **Cabotian TV Announcer**: Coming up now, the start of our month-long, commercial-free marathon of Cabotia's favorite teen dramedy, *(Dan and Cheryl are shocked)* Curlstone Lake.

*(Acoustic music plays on the TV. After one second, Dan and Cheryl scream in shock as the camera zooms out of the hotel and the camera transitions into a view of San Francisco. The text, "San Francisco, California" appears on the bottom screen for 3 seconds, "California Love" by 2Pac and Dr. Dre begins to play as a flyaround of San Francisco is shown. After 7 seconds, the camera cuts to China Beach, where Johnny is seen driving out of the ocean and onto the sand. He then crashes into a sign and gets on the road. After 5 seconds, he stops at a gas station. There, he pours gas into his car, then drives off without paying or putting the gas nozzle back, which causes the place to explode. He then makes it to Silicon Valley, and passes by a sign saying, "SILICON VALLEY: THE TECH-PART OF SAN FRAN". He drives by several buildings until he sees a sign saying, "TOUGH ENT. HQ THIS WAY →". Johnny then drives to the right. After driving for six seconds, he makes it to the Tough Entertainment headquarters. Where a shot of him from behind looks at the Tough Entertainment headquarters is seen for 3 seconds as a short dramatic sting plays throughout. The camera then cuts to the lounge, where a female receptionist is seen taking calls. After 2 seconds, Johnny bursts in through the door, but the receptionist doesn't seem to care)*

* **Johnny**: *(points his gun at her head)* HEY!! WHO IS THE OWNER OF THIS FUCKING PLACE?!
* **Receptionist**: That would be Harvey Allen, si-
* **Johnny**: THEN WHERE THE FUCK IS HARVEY YOU FUCKING N\*GGER?!
* **Receptionist**: That would be the conference room down on the lef-

*(Johnny shoots her in the head, then walks to the left. The scene then cuts to the conference room, where Harvey Allen is seen sitting in the back)*

* **Harvey**: Ladies and gentlemen, regarding the sales of our brand-new game, School, we have now sold... *(pulls out piece of paper, which is presumably a sales report)* over 20 BILLION COPIES, BITCHES!

*(The people in the conference room begin dancing as confetti and balloons fall from the ceiling. "Celebration" by Kool & the Gang begins to play. Suddenly, after 4 seconds, Johnny bursts into the room and shoots his gun at the roof a few times. Everyone is shocked and heads back down to their seats)*

* **Johnny**: HEY! WHICH ONE OF YOU FACE-STEALING FUCKFACES IS FUCKING HARVEY ALLEN?!
* **Harvey**: Uh, that would be me, sir, and could you please-
* **Johnny**: *(Johnny runs up to him and holds him by the wall)* GOOD, BECAUSE I'VE GOT A BONE TO FUCKING PICK WITH YOU!

*(Johnny punches his face)*

* **Harvey**: Ouch... Wait a minute, you look like Kenny Baxter, the main character of my new video ga-

*(Johnny punches him two more times, his nose begins to bleed)*

* **Johnny**: I ALREADY FUCKING KNOW, DUMBASS! MY RETARTED SON AND I WERE WATCHING A REVIEW ON SCHOOL ON TOONAVALANCHE WITH TOMATHY, THEN I FOUND OUT THAT THE MAIN CHARACTER OF YOUR FUCKING VIDEO GAME LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE ME, FIVE-FINGER FACE DISCOUNTER!
* **Harvey**: Alright, Jesus, Calm down. You don't have to get upset over accusing me of stealing your face, you coincidentally just look like Kenny. And what do you mean by, "Toonavalanche"? Don't you mean Toonam-

*(Johnny kicks him in his right shin, then beats him up with a brass knuckle, wounding him in the process)*

* **Harvey**: Ouch! What the fuck is your problem, psyc-

*(Johnny punches him again, and this time uses the brass knuckle on his testicles. Harvey screams like a girl in pain)*

* **Johnny**: I WON'T FUCK WITH ANYBODY, THAT CLAIMS TO HAVE NOT STOLEN MY FACE, OR TELLS ME WHAT TOONJUMP IS ACTUALLY CALLED!! YOU'LL ALL BURN IN HELL, AND BE GASSED, LIKE THE FUCKING OVEN-DODGERS! *(The crowd gaps in shock)* AAAAHHHHH! *(pulls out a lighter from behind his back and lights a fire on the wall in the shape of a Nazi swastika. He then performs a Nazi salute)* HEIL HITLER!

*(The fire on the wall starts to slowly spread as everyone begins to panic. Johnny walks up to a female employee and starts raping her off-screen. An employee is shocked)*

* **Employee #2**: OH MY GOD, HE'S RAPING THAT LADY'S ASS IN TORTURE! RUN!!!

*(The employees and Harvey try to get out through the front door, but a rocket from a rocket launcher hits the wall above the door and the rubble blocks the exit. Johnny then punches a vending machine and puts the cans in a bag. He then runs up to the employees and starts beating them to a pulp with the bag, with Harvey getting the most hits out of the bag, knocking him out. Johnny then grabs his body and runs to his car. Afterwards, the smoke alarm and fire sprinklers go off, extinguishing the fire. The employees then pass out in pain. The camera cuts to Cheryl's car, where Johnny is seen tying up and gagging Harvey before throwing him in the back. Johnny then gets on to the road, where when pulling up, he accidentally pushes a semi off the cliff, destroying it in an explosion)*

* **Harvey**: *(muffled; frightened)* Please, stop! Why are you doing this to me?
* **Johnny**: For punishment. You think you can just steal my fucking face and slap it onto a goddamn game shooter I saw on Toonbook? I don't think so... You're coming with me!!

*(The camera then cuts to an open field, on the right is a sign that says, "NOW LEAVING: SAN FRANCISCO" Johnny runs over it and then gets back on the road. The camera then cuts to a black background with the text, "back in Cabotia..." in the center of the screen. After 3 seconds, the camera cuts to the inside of the room Dan and Cheryl are imprisoned in. They are seen watching an episode of Curlstone Lake)*

* **Justin Wheelock**: *(on TV)* Cathy, I have a confession to make about all the great shit I got.
* **Cathy Williams**: *(on TV)* What is it, Justin? You can tell me *anything.*
* **Cheryl**: *(muffled)* OH, DEAR LORD, TURN IT OFF! *TURN IT OFF!*
* **Justin**: *(on TV)* I stole them, not to impress you, but because I'm a kleptomaniac.
* **Cathy**: *(on TV)* Justin...I knew all along. And that's okay if you steal all the time, as long as you don't steal my stuff.
* **Dan**: *(muffled)* OH, FOR THE SAKE OF VLOKOZU, THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE! *(crying)* HOW CAN A GIRL LIKE *HER* ACCEPT A BOY'S KLEPTOMANIA?
* **Cheryl**: *(muffled)* I DON'T *EVEN* KNOW!

*(A room attendant comes in, Dan and Cheryl notice him)*

* **Room Attendant**: Hey guys, can I help you with anything?
* **Dan**: *(muffled)* PLEASE, WE NEED TO BE UNTIED FROM THESE ROPES AND UN-GAGGED, WE CAN'T STAND THIS CRAP DRAMEDY ANY LONGER!
* **Room Attendant**: What was that? I can't hear you both. *(looks at TV)* Ooh, Curlstone Lake, that's my favorite teen dramedy, and I'm only 22. *(notices Do Not Disturb sign on door)* Oh, poo! A do not disturb sign. My apologies, I did not mean to bug you two. Oh, the boss is gonna fire me.
* **Cheryl**: *(muffled)* NO! DON'T GO! *(Room attendant closes door)* *NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!*
* **Dan**: *(muffled)* GOD, FUCKING SHIT, WHORE! I'm not talking about you mom, by the way.
* **Cheryl**: *(muffled)* Don't worry, Danny-kins, we'll get out of here soon. I hope. Anyway, I like this place. Reminds me of a Holiday Inn.
* **Dan**: *(muffled)* Mom, I heard Joseph Mama visited this place once, it *is* a Holiday Inn, only cheap and Cabotian.
* **Cheryl**: *(muffled)* And now, I don’t like this place at all. *(sarcastically)* Thank you, Cabotia.

*(The scene cuts to Boston, Massachusetts. Johnny can be seen driving fast and ramming other cars off the road. He notices the World News Network headquarters, and he turns the vehicle into a nearby car, pushing it over. Johnny gets out of the car, then opens the back door, where he points a gun at Harvey)*

* **Johnny**: Now you stay there like a good dog.

*(Johnny closes the SUV back door. He then enters the building. He is seen walking up a staircase carrying a and enters a newsroom, where a news broadcast about the incident is being filmed)*

* **News Anchor**: Breaking news, m'kay? A man by the name of Jonathan Evans has- *(turns his head to the left)* oh fuck, it's him.

*(Gunshots can be heard in the background as the camera cuts to black. The scene then cuts to a shot of the news studio, where the news team can be seen tied up with their mouths duct-taped, Johnny is seen showing some documents to them)*

* **Johnny**: GET THIS SHIT ON TV, RIGHT FUCKING NOW!
* **News Anchor**: W-what is it, sir?
* **Johnny**: MY FUCKING LAWSUIT AGAINST HARVEY ALLEN AT THE GREENHILL COURTHOUSE!
* **News Anchor**: O-o-okay, then...

*(Johnny puts the crew on a leash and drags them out of the studio. He gives a microphone to a news anchor lady and turns on a news camera. The scene cuts to the camera, where the lady begins speaking)*

* **News Reporter**: Um, okay, so, we are here live at the World News Network headquarters in Boston, Massachusetts. Right now, we're tied up and leashed by psychopath, Johnny Evans, where he is taking us to the city of Greenhill, Michigan, where his lawsuit against Harvey Allen, the CEO of the video game company, Tough Entertainment, is about to take place. The court case will kick off in-

*(The scene cuts to static for 3 seconds, and then cuts to Cheryl's trunk, where the news reporter can be seen tied to the ground along with the rest of the news team)*

* **Johnny**: Finally! Now that I've gotten a news team that'll broadcast my fucking lawsuit worldwide, it's time to sue a face thief down to the ground!

## The Lawsuit

*(The scene cuts to a shot of the Mary Jules Inn for 2 seconds before cutting to the hotel room, where Dan and Cheryl are seen crying in front of the TV)*

* **Justin**: *(off-key; on TV)* You're a strange animal, that's what I know
* **Cheryl**: *(muffled & crying)* Oh god, we've been hearing that klepto sing for 1 minute straight, please, make it stop!
* **Justin**: *(on TV)* I've got to follow. Woah-oh!
* **Dan**: *(muffled)* God, I can't believe they made David do this, he deserves more than that.
* **Justin**: *(on TV)* They've been trying to stick a line in your system. Analyzing the defenses you hol-

*(The TV beeps as the camera cuts to it, where it is revealed that a test card is interrupting the program)*

* **Dan**: *(relieved; muffled)* Oh, thank god, it's finally over! No more Adam Sars singing.

*(The scene cuts to a shot of the Greenhill Courthouse and then cuts to the interior of the building, where Johnny and Harvey can be seen entering the courtroom. Johnny then grabs Harvey and throws him onto the ground in front of the judge before aggressively taking a seat)*

* **Judge**: *(hitting his gavel)* Um... order in the-

*(Johnny then pulls out his gun and points it at the judge)*

* **Johnny**: MAKE WITH THE FUCKING LAWSUIT!
* **Judge**: Okay, um... *(quietly)* God, why did I choose to be a judge? *(sighs, back to normal)* Okay, can either one of you guys explain to me what's going on?
* **Johnny**: *(pointing at Harvey)* THIS PRICK OVER HERE STOLE MY FACE AND USED IT FOR HIS STUPID VIDEO GAME CHARACTER! I'M FILING A FUCKING LAWSUIT AGAINST HIM FOR WHAT HE DONE!
* **Harvey**: I w-wasn't trying t-to steal y-your fa-
* **Johnny**: SHUT THE FUCK UP! *(slaps Harvey across the face)*

*(The jury gasps in shock. Johnny climbs onto the judge's podium and points his gun at the judge)*

* **Judge**: *(hitting his gavel)* I command you to sit back down!
* **Johnny**: NEVER!

*(Johnny shoots the judge in his left arm, causing him to scream in pain. He then grabs Harvey, throws him at the wall and starts beating him up. Security officers are seen running up to Johnny, but Johnny starts beating them up as well. Harvey attempts to escape the courtroom, but Johnny catches him and starts beating him and the security officers up. He then runs up to the jury, starts masturbating, and ejaculates semen on them, including Jim Carrey. He then runs back to Harvey and pulls out a knife, ready to stab him)*

* **Johnny**: Any last words, face-stealer? You stole my face, so now it's time for me to chop off yours.
* **Harvey**: For fuck's sake, I didn't steal your face!

*(Just as Johnny is about to stab Harvey, Jim Carrey, who is covered in semen, interrupts him while raising his hand)*

* **Carrey**: Um, sorry, sir, can I have your attention please?

*(Johnny drops his knife and turns to Carrey. He points at him)*

* **Johnny**: HEY, I THOUGHT I CUMMED ON YOU!
* **Carrey**: Yes, you did, and-
* **Johnny**: WANT SOME MORE, BITCH?!
* **Carrey**: No tha-
* **Johnny**: ARE YOU SURE?!
* **Carrey**: SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!

*(Johnny runs up to Carrey and grabs him by the neck)*

* **Johnny**: *(quietly)* What the fuck did you just say to me, bitch?
* **Carrey**: *(quietly)* I told you to shut up and listen to me. Now, can you let go of my neck and just listen to me?

*(Johnny stops grabbing Carrey by the neck. As Carrey starts speaking, the camera slowly zooms towards him, light music plays in the background)*

* **Carrey**: Johnny, you don't have to do this. Just because you saw your doppelgänger in a video game, it doesn't mean you have to sue the company. Almost everyone in the world is alike, and we all make mistakes from time to time. We even learn from our mistakes, as well. One time, I met a kid who had the same name as me, and I reacted just like you. Y'know what I did? I beat him and his family up. *(The scene cuts back to Johnny, who looks at Carrey in realization as the camera slowly zooms in on him)* I even threatened to sue them for stealing my name, but then they told me they didn't mean to steal my name. They actually named him 'Jimmy', but called him 'Jim' for short. *(The scene cuts back to Carrey)* So, my point is, nobody should sue someone just because they think that person stole something that belongs to them, when that person clearly didn't mean to.

*(The music fades out and Johnny realizes what he's just done to his family and everyone in the courtroom)*

* **Johnny**: *(quietly)* What have I done? *(normal voice)* Jesus, I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry to everyone in this room.
* **Everyone in the courtoom**: Yeah, you should be!
* **Johnny**: I can't believe I just did this. You guys should be treated like humans, not dogs. I can't believe I raped and tortured innocent people for no reason at all. All this happened, just because of a stupid video game review on Toonboom. I'm really sorry, guys. You deserve better.
* **Judge**: Well, Mr. Allen, I hereby declare you not guilty. You're free to leave. *(hits his gavel)*

*(Harvey and the jury get up and leave the courtroom. While Harvey walks to the door, Johnny runs up to him)*

* **Johnny**: Wait, Harvey, I wanna tell you something.
* **Harvey**: The hell do you want?
* **Johnny**: 'Cause of the lawsuit, I've now got permission to make a downloadable DLC on the RealStation Network. We good?
* **Harvey**: Well, first of all, don't come near me or my company ever again. Second of all, do what you want, but just take my first advice.
* **Johnny**: *(a two-second long pause occurs)* Okay.

TBA

## Johnny E. DLC

TBA

* **Logan**: Is that what happened?
* **Dan**: Yeah. Thank god Jim Carrey got him back to his senses, otherwise he would've spent the rest of his life in Alcatraz, and me and mother would've been stuck in Canada's knock-off cousin for life!
* **Logan**: It's a good thing you managed to get out, otherwise you would've never seen me again.
* **Dan**: Yeah, at least I'm back home again watching Toonami with you. It's great to be back.
* **Logan**: Mm-hm.

*(Dan and Logan continue eating their chips and drinking soda. The scene then cuts to the TV, where a flyaround of the Absolution is shown. The same house music from earlier plays. The scene then cuts to the cockpit of the ship, TOM is seen playing School while SARA floats next to him)*

* **SARA**: TOM, are you playing School again?
* **TOM**: Not *just* School, but this sweet new DLC I got on the RealStation Network.
* **SARA**: Well, it doesn't look like much for a DLC, it looks more like one of those campy game mods you find online.
* **TOM**: Uh... yeah. Let me explain.

TBA