Wolf Brother

The original, the one that started it all, the first of the bunch, number one, that which came before the others.

**Wolf Brother** is the first of the *Chronicles of Ancient Dankness* series, written by Michelle Paver and published by Orion Children’s books in 2004, in which a man on the run convinces his son to risk his life.

## Back cover

Enter a world like no other: complete with a mouse-grabbing madman, the scrawny, clueless kid who just can’t die, and the biggest, angriest thing you’ll ever see! Don’t mind the horribly-written ending, follow Torak the lone youngster and the trusty wolf cub he wanted to eat. Friends and foes lurk on your journey to the mountain that probably isn’t even there, and prove to the pesky motherfuckers in the Raven Clan that you’re not crazy. Packed full of even more things that can kill you than Australia, this adventure to save the universe will leave you with ultra-mega-PTSD and many a broken limb, 100% guaranteed! Bonus: cut out this coupon and send a picture to 1-800-WOLFBROTHER for even more suffering! ©Orion Publishers, Michelle Paver, 2005.

## Plot

We will attempt to explain all of the original Wolf Brother, badly.

A sorcerous outlaw from a prehistoric clan is mailed a bear to get what he deserves. So, the outlaw’s son Torak, is told he must find and climb a mountain that not even the Mountain Clans can find, so it probably isn’t even real. This, somehow, would mean revenge (that’s how mafia works). After the bear killed his dad, heads off with nothing but a knife, a horn, and a bow with a few arrows, as well as, possibly, a bit of meth… how else is he gonna make it through such a journey? Early on, Torak finds a wolf cub whose family died in a flash flood. Torak tries to eat the cub, but it seems to be able to speak to him. (Yeah, he’s definitely on some kind of shit.) Torak then killed a grouse and accidentally made a dog whistle out of its bones (Yeah, this is some Aimo Koivunen-level BS here.) Torak then went and stole some poor clan (the Ravens’) claimed ultra-free-range livestock, violating the NAP and so three hunters took him to their camp. Torak, about to be executed for his crimes, begs for a trial by combat against a fellow named Hord, cheats, and escapes. At least he learned some sort of prophecy from a high-as-hell shamanette: he must find three but actually four random objects and possibly sacrifice himself to a pagan spirit on the probably-fake mountain. Torak then fled the camp, and entered a burial mound to soothe his sweet necrophilic urges, maybe. He then found Renn, one of the Raven Clan hunters in there, assisting him in getting some deadie headie. Renn then escorted Torak out of Raven territory at bowpoint, and the pair kept going until Torak fell in a river. Down there the hallucinatory voices were out telling Torak that he deserved to drown in there, but some shiny iceballs caught his eye. He grabbed those wet balls tight before Wolf the whimsically named wolf cub pulled him out. Torak and Renn kept going, eventually asking a crippled wanderer for advice. Old rumors said a CLEVER crippled wanderer created the revenge bear that killed Torak’s dad, but this wanderer was criminally insane, making him much more trustworthy. Following this dude’s advice, the methheads went to find a stone creature (Idiots, they don’t exist!) and rip it’s teeth out. Torak went in a cave (which can look alive under severe levels of insanity), thought the cave was going to eat him, and went out with a rock (judging from the location, it’s more likely to be a kidney STONE than a stone tooth.) He was greeted by a deranged brown bear that once ate a demon for lunch, but Wolf ran off with a few random things to distract the bear from the meth-addicted outlaws. Torak and Renn then went up a fucking glacier for some bizarre reason, and they didn’t even call it a glacier. Wolf showed up and started tossing around dead lemmings, everyone’s favorite toy. They nearly died in a blizzard but luckily were able to survive, disrespecting a dead man by stealing his oil lamp, therefore screwing over his journey to the afterlife. The Ravens caught up, but due to intoxication from the drug abuse required to catch up, the leader Fin-Kedinn welcomed Torak back and introduced him to a fire worshipping weirdo named Kruokoslik. This random guy brought Torak to the mountain, almost certainly the wrong one, where Hord came and tried to end the trouble by attempting to finally kill Torak, before dying in a random avalanche that just so happened to take the bear as well but not Torak. Wolf then realized what he had done and abandoned Torak, the end.

## Introduced characters

**Torak** has some of the strongest of what book nerds call “plot armor” of any character ever. He can also talk to wolves.

**Torak’s father,** referred to as Fa by Torak, literally just dies, classic.

**Wolf** is an orphaned wolf, which Torak can talk to somehow.

**Oslak** is a big burly guy from the Ravens. Don’t mess with him.

**Renn** managed to go from hating Torak to kids asking questions like: Does renn and torak mate?

**Hord** was apparently working with Tenris the whole time… what the fuck, I used to like Hord.

**Fin-Kedinn** is the leader of Raven Clan. Blatantly named after Paver’s editor, Fiona Kennedy, despite being a guy.

**Vedna** is Oslak’s new wife. That’s about it.

**Saeunn** is an old bird-faced hag who knows how to remove people’s souls from their throats.

**The Walker**, later revealed to be named Narrander, is a crazy wanderer who seizes random mice and rats and things, thinking they are manifestations of his son who died in a big fire that split theSoul-Eaters up.

**Krukoslik** is from the Mountain Hare clan, and is about the only one I could advise you to talk to for serious mountaineering.