Complex

**Complex Networks** is an American media and entertainment company for youth culture, based in New York City. It was founded as a bi-monthly magazine, *Complex*, by fashion designer Marc Milecofsky. Kid Cudi was featured on several cover issues from 2009-2013.

## 2009

* Article
* Outtakes

On the ninth floor of a luxury apartment building in NYC's Tribeca neighborhood, the hallway is thick with the aroma of green. While a mix of young couples and well-off college grads populate the building, the reason for the heady atmosphere is a brand-new tenant. His mail comes to Scott Mescudi, but you know him better as Kid Cudi—rapper, Cleveland transplant, and all-around weirdo.

Yeah, we said it. Dude is strange. Case in point: Armadas, the giant wolf (OK, it's a statue) that Cudi keeps in his crib to "hold him down." Want more? He lives alone, but his kitchen table is meticulously set for four. Then again, it makes more sense once you give it some thought; Cudi's always been somewhat of a solitary figure. He lost his father to cancer when he was 11, lashed out at school, and eventually left the only world he knew to come to New York by himself on a quest he wasn't even sure he believed in. Now, at 25, his pain is still deep, although it's hard to tell when in his company; spend a few hours with him and he'll crack jokes, maybe talk in odd voices. He's a bundle of contradictions, enough to make you wonder which side of him you're going to meet next. The lonely stoner or the people person? The class clown or the prisoner of his own paranoia? Let the analysis begin…

**After working a lot with Kanye, how does it feel to be focused on your own career?**

**Kid Cudi**: It's exciting, man. I'm just ready to try new shit. I'm a dude who likes to create music with good feeling. I live like a chameleon through music. It all depends on what the beat tells me to do; that's why you're always gonna get passionate hooks, because I'm feeling the beats and the emotion behind the drums and melodies.

**Are you worried about recapturing the success of "Day 'N' Nite"?**

**Kid Cudi**: I was briefly, and then I started to record and just make shit. That's when I realized I'm going to be OK. Shit is going to come together as it should, don't worry about it. I didn't come in the game to just do that one joint, you know what I mean? I came in the game to have multiple hits.

**What kind of fears do you have about releasing your album?**

**Kid Cudi**: I don't really have any fear about the business; my biggest fear is getting wrapped up in the illusion of fame and Hollywood and shit like that. Getting wrapped up in the worldly things like drugs and the excitement of being famous. I have a vulnerable enough past that it could propel me into that world. I don't want to be caught up in it. I want to do something while I'm here. This is hell. All the shit that's going on around us, this is hell.

**What's hell about it?**

**Kid Cudi**: Just turn on the fucking news.

**But do you feel like your own world is hell sometimes?**

**Kid Cudi**: Yeah. Most of my groupies are spawns of the devil. [*Laughs*.] They're there to take me off track and fuck up my purpose. It's like the dark side is trying to pull me in. Who wouldn't like a bunch of hot-ass bitches saying, "Hey, we all wanna fuck you right now!"? [*Laughs*.] But you have to realize that it's an illusion, that you can get caught up, turn into a person that you never knew you could be—and I don't wanna be that dude.

**Did you ever have an experience with a groupie that backs that up?**

**Kid Cudi**: There was a moment when I was at this club and I was getting attention from all these chicks. At one point one was talking and gazing into my eyes all beautiful and shit—so fuckin' hot—and all of a sudden it seemed like time slowed down and everything got muffled, and in my brain I was just like, "This girl is the devil." And I immediately got up and wanted to leave. I was kinda tripping balls anyway. [*Laughs*.]

**Has the girl situation really been that crazy?**

**Kid Cudi**: Man, I was always the ugly duckling; I never got attention from girls like that. So now that it's happening, I'm kind of hip to it. I know half of these bitches wouldn't be talking to me if I wasn't Kid Cudi, and I'm not no fool, you know what I'm saying? I wasn't born yesterday.

**So how do you deal with that?**

**Kid Cudi**: I just don't want to get wrapped up in that world, so I keep to myself. I'm more like an actor-celebrity, rather than a rapper-celebrity. Actors keep to themselves, they're very reserved, you only see them at premieres and shit like that. I'm not that dude who always wants to be seen and shit and goes to these industry events—I'll go out if need be, and that's what it is.

**Do you consider yourself a weirdo?**

**Kid Cudi**: "Weird" itself, even in the dictionary, is just something that is different and unexplainable. A weirdo is someone who follows their heart. I'm definitely weird, ain't nothing wrong with that.

**Is that a product of having your dad pass away?**

**Kid Cudi**: My dad was Superman to me. He was the coolest. When he died of cancer, it was like my world was destroyed—I just went from seeing my dad normal to seeing my dad sick and then seeing my dad where he couldn't even recognize me. My heart crumbled. I cried, but it wasn't because I was sad, it was because I was pissed, like, "What the fuck?! Why?" But that's when I started to want to express myself through words and rhymes.

**You told me that you slept next to your mom until you were 12.**

**Kid Cudi**: [*Laughs*.] Yeah. After my father died, I used to have some really bad nightmares that any kid would have when a relative passed away. My mom tried, but there was nothing that could fill that void, even to this day. It was night terrors, more intense than nightmares, and I never got help for them—I had to fight them off myself because I didn't know what they were. It was these intense illusions of my mom dying or me dying and nobody caring, shit like that.

**How does that loss affect you now?**

**Kid Cudi**: Not in the obvious way. Going through all that heartache and loss made me super-sensitive—not to where I want to cry all the time, but I'll want to snap. There's a lot of anger still in me, and it transforms into sadness through song. The day that I can say I'm truly happy will be my day of peace, like for real for real. Until then, I'm on my grind.

**Speaking of your grind, when did you decide to move to New York?**

**Kid Cudi**: I was working at this restaurant in Cleveland. There was this white dude in his 40s who was cool as shit and would tell me, "You're funny and people like you. You need to move the fuck out of Ohio and just do this." My uncle told me I could come out there and stay with him in the South Bronx until I got on my feet. I'd never met him; this was my father's older brother, the last of my father's siblings, so I wanted to make that connection anyway. I moved in 2004 with my little demo and maybe $500.

**Your uncle let you stay for free?**

**Kid Cudi**: Yeah. I didn't have a job for about the first five months there, so I had to make that $500 stretch. [*Laughs*.] I didn't have any friends and I didn't know anybody, so my thing to do then was to go to Times Square and just walk around. I wanted to be a New Yorker so bad.

**Compared to what you had been through, it must've seemed easy.**

**Kid Cudi**: It was like growing into a man: "All right, let's see what the fuck you're made of. Let's see you be a man now, mama's boy." It was a whole other journey. My uncle that I lived with passed in 2006. We were actually beefing because he forced me out the house when I didn't have another situation set up, so I was bitter. I never apologized for it, and that kills me. That's why I wrote "Day 'N' Nite."

**Wow.**

**Kid Cudi**: If he wasn't there to let me stay with him those first few months, there would be no Kid Cudi. It fucked me up watching him go, but it was like, "I have to fulfill this destiny now for sure." Things were moving but they weren't solidified yet. I had "Day 'N' Nite," we were just getting started, and I was like, "This shit has got to pop off." I wasn't taking no for an answer.

*"Day 'N' Nite" didn't blow up at first. Even those fans new to the Cudi bandwagon know the song was written in 2006—and while it was racking up hits on MySpace, and eventually as a single on A-Trak's Fool's Gold label, radio didn't get around to it until 2008. Thankfully, even in the survival-of-the-fittest cycle young rappers find themselves in, Cudi's sense of self was healthy enough to wait for the world to catch up. And now, the world is waiting; after a few hours at his apartment, he abruptly mentions that we're heading to Brooklyn to meet up with Kanye West, who's in town shooting a video for Clipse's "Kinda Like A Big Deal." When we get to the set, Cudi yells out to Kanye—"'Sup, Chief Broski!"— and 'Ye reacts like he's seeing a peer, not a protégé.*

*Kanye first called on Cudi to reference hooks for Jay-Z, and while in the studio, Cudi and 'Ye went from working on The Blueprint 3 to Good Ass Job (the working title for Kanye's next album) to* 808s & Heartbreak*. There's a theory, and it's a good one, that Cudi's melody-heavy singsong style inspired Kanye to do 808s in the first place. Cudi's assistance on the album includes co-writing credits on "Heartless," "Welcome to Heartbreak," "Paranoid," and "RoboCop." West doesn't hold back when giving Cudi credit. "Me and Cudi are the originators of the style, kinda like what Alexander McQueen is to fashion," he says. "Everything else is just Zara and H&M.;" And with Kanye in his corner, Cudi has a significant advantage over most of his fellow freshman MCs—the one exception being up-and-comer Drake, who was recently signed to Lil Wayne's Young Money imprint. As easy as it is for one to compare the two, Cudi makes clear that he's solely focused on his own career, not the next man's. And when it comes to music, this moon-man's focus is out of this world.*

**People love to point out similarities between you and Drake—do you view him as competition?**

**Kid Cudi**: I think it's just that Drake and me are the most creative out of the new up-and-coming MCs. Me and Drake are here not because of anything other than two n\*\*\*as that have their own flavor. I'm doing my shit, nobody else can do my shit. Nobody else can do Wale's shit or Charles Hamilton's shit. It's like a bunch of Kool-Aid stands. It just matters whose flavor you like the most.

**It seems like a lay-up for you and Drake to work together.**

**Kid Cudi**: We'll come together eventually, but I'm not trying to force this because there's hype around us both. I want to work with Drake, yeah, but right now I don't want to work with anyone who's in the same creative realm as me. I'm still creating my own shit.

**Has he reached out to work with you?**

**Kid Cudi**: Drake had been wanting to do an official "Day 'N' Nite" remix early on. He was one of my earliest supporters; that's why I fuck with Drake on another level than just being a new artist. His homeboy Oliver used to hit me up when I'd go to Toronto, like, "Yo, you gotta fuck with Drake." Imagine if I would've let Drake remix "Day 'N' Nite" when he wanted to back in '07. That shit would've fizzled out; no one would've cared. Luckily we let it live and it worked out. We're changing things on accident. That's how I know this is my destiny.

**How crazy is it to you that Kanye was inspired by your music?**

**Kid Cudi**: Kanye is inspired by everybody around him. He's inspired by life. So yeah, he kind of drew inspiration from everyone around him at that moment when it came to 808s & Heartbreak.

**You helped write four of the most popular songs on that album. How much did you actually write?**

**Kid Cudi**: Well, I can't reveal numbers. But they were completely fair in giving me my credit and shit like that. It was a good experience and it was definitely lucrative.

**What about people who look at you as Kanye's little man?**

**Kid Cudi**: [*Laughs*.] The album will shut a lot of people up. I actually have my own voice, and people will see that with the album. 'Ye just lets me be a man and shit. You don't necessarily want a motherfucker to be holding your hand the whole time. There was a time when nobody listened to my shit and nobody would give me the time of day. Now I've got like four fan-made mixtapes—I've only got one mixtape out, the rest of them are from fans. Fans make these Kid Cudi wallpapers and draw pictures of me and all this and that. That shit is real; that means that kids connect with that shit. Not just because I'm Kanye's artist. Those kids fuck with my music and that's the realest shit ever. That lets me know that I'm important, and nothing is better than knowing you're important.

**You played me an outtake, which has to be the first love song I've ever heard about tripping on mushrooms with a girl.**

**Kid Cudi**: One of my co-workers asked me over to smoke, and she ended up persuading me to do 'shrooms. We popped a couple of caps, and the next thing you know we're listening to The Postal Service and all this real emotional music. We just vibed out; it was intense. I wanted to make a song for girls without it sounding like A Song For Girls, you know? There need to be songs that females can connect with, because I love all women. Not like the average dude that loves women 'cause they like to fuck; I just love women as a whole. I love them, not just the fact that they have vaginas.

**That's gonna get you some points, man.**

**Kid Cudi**: I think they're amazing creatures.

**How much does your mom figure into that?**

**Kid Cudi**: That's what one of the issues was when we came up with "I Poke Her Face." I was like, my mom is gonna hear this! But my mom understands rap, and I already explained it to her: "Well, you're gonna hear this song one day and it's a little bit explicit." My mom is no stranger to vulgar content; my earlier raps used to be about all types of crazy shit.

**The whole time we were at the video shoot, people were coming up for autographs and you talked to every single person. Are you really that worried about fame going to your head?**

**Kid Cudi**: I don't want to transform into a fuckin' zombie. Every time people come up to me I want to hit them with that smile and shake their hands sincerely. Let them know that I appreciate them approaching me and I appreciate them liking my music.

**What would your dad say to you if he was still here?**

**Kid Cudi**: "Keep it up, young man." He was always like, "Pick your head up! It shows confidence!" Now, with my confidence, because of my father and those moments, I remember why I'm here.

By now you've probably read our August/September cover story with Kid Cudi, and although it was Cudi's most personal interview yet, there were a lot of other gems Scott gave us that didn't make it into the magazine.

Let's just say Cudi kept it 1-hundred with us, like all the way 1-hundred. Since the issue is now officially on newsstands everywhere (go cop!), we figured we'd share the bonus material that was left on the cutting room floor. In the uncut raw conversation, the kid from Cleveland talks about growing up in Ohio, his eagerness to join the Navy, run-ins with the law, and how he really felt when Consequence took a jab at him. Read on for the realness...

Interview by Joe La Puma

**Complex: How vital was your mom to you growing up?**

**Kid Cudi**: My mom was like my mom and my dad. Even though my dad was around, he just wasn't in the house. She really was like superwoman. Recently I was talking to my mom and I was just like, "How did you take care of us?" It took me a lot for her to finally come out and say that there were some nights where she wouldn't eat because there was only enough food for us. She didn't have a bed, my mom didn't sleep in a bed up until I was about 14. She always slept on the couch. We just couldn't afford one. When she finally got one, she kinda just put it up in the living room. The first thing you saw in my crib was her bed.

**Complex: So growing up, would you say that you guys were poor?**

**Kid Cudi**: Back then I always felt poor because at the school that we went to, the majority of kids had money. It was like we got the ill Make-A-Wish Foundation dream—to live in a nice neighborhood with a shitty circumstance. It was sorta like, "Hey we're gonna put you in this nice neighborhood but you're still gonna be hood-esque!" So it was a mind-fuck going to school and seeing the kids that had shit like cars, and I couldn't even get a bike. That's why when people are like, "Oh man, you from the suburbs and shit," I be like, "You don't know what happened in my muthafuckin' house." It's not about where you're at, it's about your life and what you've been through, what you've done.

**Complex: When did you start rapping?**

**Kid Cudi**: I started rapping when I was like 12, just around the neighborhood, just spittin' little lines here and there with my homies. One of my homeboys Dennis—he tours with me sometimes—me and him used to always rap around the neighborhood with a couple other kids and we had this little group and shit and I was the only one who kinda stuck with it. When I was like 15, Hot Boys came out, and I remember seeing Lil Wayne and being like, "Aw shit man, this is a young dude representing for the youth and I wanna do that, but tell my story." That's when I stopped doing good in school—because I knew I was gonna be famous. [*Laughs*]

**Complex: What was your journey like once you started rapping?**

**Kid Cudi**: I used to do a lot of open-mic things and freestyle battles to better my raps. I looked at it as training for a bigger picture. I was going through a time right there where I wasn't being myself in my music because I was too worried about people criticizing me about where I was from. That was just because at that time, rap was pretty much some gangsta shit. It wasn't until I was about 18 when I started fooling around doing freestyles on CDs. When I went to college is when I started recording an album.

**Complex: You didn't graduate from college though, right?**

**Kid Cudi**: I did one year of college and left school with a decent demo. I thought it was cool, but it wasn't fresh fresh. I was always the type of person that I don't want people to hear these half-ass records, so I never let people hear them. I used to work overtime at my job to get extra money to buy beats and these dudes The Kickdrums would sell me beats for like $200 a pop. I was really buying them. That's why it's crazy that we're all coming up and doing things and I'm like, "Y'all remember me, ya'll made me pay for beats you muthafuckas [*Laughs*]. Ya'll made me work overtime just to get $200!" And I bought like 3 beats from them. The journey definitely started a little bit early on. After college, I took a year off. I was 19. That's when I was just trying to figure out what I wanted to do and the idea of moving out of Cleveland was there but it wasn't a real solid idea.

**Complex: What made you decide to move?**

**Kid Cudi**: Before I decided to move I came up with the idea to go to the Navy. I watched maybe a little too much Antwone Fisher that month, I don't know. However, I was inspired to be a better man. There was a moment in time where I was really focused on the Navy and I followed through with it, I passed the test. I was happy with myself because I was accomplishing something and I was really working towards a goal. That was the first true thing I invested my energy in. I was really excited about it, I mean now I look at it like, "I was fucking crazy." But I was really excited about going to the military. When I got all the medical tests and everything, they said that they wouldn't let me in because of my police record from when I was younger.

**Complex: Why did you have a record?**

**Kid Cudi**: When I was like 16, I went out with my friends after school to watch these kids fight. I was just standing around as a spectator but when the police came around some snitching was involved, [and] my name was one of the names that was brought up, like "Scott Mescudi was there!" It was nothing intense, no felonies, just knucklehead shit like that. Those muthafuckas filed charges and called them assault charges even though I never put my hands on anybody. But that shit was on the record—doesn't matter what happened.

**Complex: Was that your only run-in with the law?**

**Kid Cudi**: Well, I got arrested for smoking. I was 17, had a cigarette on my ear, drunk at a high school football game. I was raging, ragetastic. The cops told me to come over and they cuffed me. Then, on top of that, I got arrested in University of Toledo for underage drinking at a party and I physically got into it with a cop. He cuffed me and punched me in the face and really brutally kicked my ass to the point where I could've pressed charges, but it's like, we didn't have money for lawyer fees and court fees and all that shit and it would've been a dead issue. That was early 2004.

**Complex: You've managed to stay clean since being in the spotlight, aside from the infamous Reebok situation...**

**Kid Cudi**: My argument never changed. People can say what they want, the topic's been done, but I don't give a fuck about anything other than right or wrong. They were wrong. I reacted. I might've been wrong for reacting so ridiculously over the top, but like I said, I'm a maniac sometimes. The dude who approached me in that situation, I haven't had a dude approach me like he wanted to fight me in years. The last time I had a fight, I was like 16 or 17 years old. Muthafuckas ain't been tryin' to fight, especially where I was at in Cleveland. N\*\*\*as don't fight no more, you get shot the fuck up. This dude just was up in my face aggressively, and I snapped. I didn't know what to do. I'm not no tough guy, I'm not trying to be. Everybody has that angry emotion and mine just surfaced that night. I don't regret that shit one bit; I did what I had to do.

**Kid Cudi**: I'm a people person when I'm out, but I'm a homebody. I like my time and peace and quiet. I guess that stems from being younger; my siblings were older than me and once they hit a certain age, they couldn't hang with me. So it was almost like I was an only child at some point. I was entertaining myself, playing with toys. I did this for a while until I was in my teens, just chilled and entertained myself. I would rap and dance in the mirror and shit like that and make funny faces. I was always good at entertaining myself; you could catch me doing it a lot. I just like laugh to myself and do a dance or some shit.

**Complex: With your dad passing away at a fairly early age, what did you miss out on in terms of a father-son relationship?**

**Kid Cudi**: Eleven is that age when you're growing up and you're learning about girls, and how to make that transition from boy to a man. I didn't have that father figure there, all I had was my mom who was this caring, loving lady. I think that's why I kind of have that loving piece of my persona, it's from my mom. Also, I get that "I don't take no shit" mentality from my mom, because my mom is the ultimate diva. She's always been a strong black woman, and someone I admired. When my dad died, I had to look to her for inspiration and to make me learn.

**Complex: Speaking of inspiration, I know "Day N' Nite" was inspired by your uncle, who passed away from cancer. How did that affect you?**

**Kid Cudi**: I was just dealing with so much. I've mentioned this in other interviews but not as detailed. Like, "Oh, I was going through a lot of shit at the time." But it's some real shit, man, muthafuckas were struggling. I almost didn't get a chance to see my uncle before he passed. He was Muslim and his funeral wasn't this big extravagant funeral, he just wanted to be in this pine box. We took him to the cemetery, we buried him, and out of all the funerals I've been to...like, we always left before they put the body in the ground; some people can't handle that visually. But we just stood there like he wouldn't want it any other way. And when they put the dirt on him I was like, if it wasn't for this man I wouldn't be here.

**Complex: How do you keep all those emotions from affecting you emotionally?**

**Kid Cudi**: As men, we tend to build up anger and all types of shit. Walking around with all that testosterone like, "Beat a muthafucka!" So you get angry n\*\*\*as, just a bunch of muthafuckas who probably haven't cried in a little while [*Laughs*.] Once I get angry, there's no turning back, it's sort of an on/off switch, good and bad, there is no in-between. A lot of people see that side and wonder if it's cockiness. That's why it's really bothered me as of late, 'cause I hear a lot of people calling me cocky and conceited or a jerkoff and I'm really not. I don't fuck around, though. The people that are saying that are muthafuckas who I cut business with—they didn't do business correctly, and I had to snap on 'em.

**Complex: Fair enough...**

**Kid Cudi**: What Bun B said is probably the realest shit I ever heard. When he was on MTV and they said give a little advice to Cudi and he said, "Make sure you can take what you can from a situation, 'cause there are gonna be a lot of muthafuckas who are gonna try to take what they can from you." So the last thing I want to do is be suckered and bamboozled. My situation is set up so great at Motown and with Kanye that I can't lose, but I have to stand up for my shit.

**Complex: You've got a great deal, but other newcomers have pretty good situations too, like J. Cole at Roc Nation and Drake at Universal. Are you looking forward to any healthy battles with other artists?**

**Kid Cudi**: Man, I don't care about that shit. What music should be about is standing out on your own to the point where you can't compare n\*\*\*as. Like, "Man, you can't compare Kid Cudi to anyone!" I'm incomparable. I'm in my own zone and I work hard to be in my own zone. To try different, experimental things but do them in good taste. Some people get caught up and are like, "Aw man, Kid Cudi is doing collabs with all these indie bands. Maybe I should do that too!" And then they put the wack-ass rap over some electro Justice beat and think it's some new shit just 'cause Wale did it. You have to do shit in good taste. You can't just rap over some electro shit, you have to understand that scene. I understand that scene because I came up in that scene. So all my shit is really experimental and I'm trying to keep my sound and stay in my own realm. Some people you can't just put in a battle.

**Complex: And the comparisons between you and Drake...**

**Kid Cudi**: Everyone loves competition. Like when they tried to make it seem like Drake and I had a beef and I had to take it to my blog and be like, "I just talked to this dude, I have his cellphone number, we text sometimes, there's no beef." Maybe we'll do a Best of Both Worlds type shit. Bring Canada and United States together, who knows.

**Complex: You've managed to stay out of beef pretty well, but what about the whole Consequence situation that happened early on when you were signed to G.O.O.D.?**

**Kid Cudi**: He took it like I gave him a dry "what up" at the Q-Tip party, like I was trying to play him. But I was just completely obliterated out of my skull. And what I found strange was that I spotted him and made my way through the crowd to see him so I don't see where the confusion would've come from, but I just would've liked for him to hit me up first. We're human beings and sometimes we move off emotion. He felt disrespected and he felt like he had to do what he had to do. Me, personally, I would've just called the man and said "What's poppin?" I would think twice before saying some negative shit, because we're all in the same fam and the alliances have been made. So we talked about it and you know he apologized and everything was kinda like whatever. I told him how I felt he told me how he felt; we respected each other's opinions, and that's why we were able to flip it and keep it moving so quickly.

**Complex: It was odd for him to put out that video, no?**

**Kid Cudi**: It was like, "I wish I could just talk to him and see what's wrong," but the video was so aggressive that it put me in the "fuck it" mindset. No sweat off my sack, I didn't do anything wrong, God knows I didn't do anything wrong. I'm a fan of Consequences' work, so I'm glad we were able to talk and squash it and it was daps and pounds. And ever since then me and Cons' been tight. Ya'll seen it from doing records and shows together. I got a joint that I'm doin' on his album which is really fresh; I did a hook for him and you know, G.O.O.D music is on the move. It's an alliance.

**Complex: Obviously your fame level has increased recently, what part of the celebrity life has taken you back so far?**

**Kid Cudi**: The paparazzi.

**Complex: Really? What's that been like?**

**Kid Cudi**: I was at this show in LA at this club called My House, and a lot of people were there—Jessica Alba and her husband, Rihanna, all types of famous people were there. When I left there were paparazzi everywhere, just swarming all over the complex and the parking lot with their cameras. It was just like roaches on a bowl of cereal, I ain't never seen some shit like that before. It was so crazy 'cause they didn't snap pictures of me 'cause they don't know who I am. I'm not some super-duper-star. I'm not in the limelight like that... yet. It was just crazy to see it actually, 'cause you really don't ever see it like that. You see everything the camera shoots, you don't see behind the lens. How it looks having like 20 muthafuckas chasing you and shit. Behind your car on foot, on bike, in other cars. Just to get a shot of you, it's crazy!

**Complex: Are you looking forward to that day? When they're snapping your picture?**

**Kid Cudi**: Nah, 'cause I like my privacy. I'm looking forward to fucking around with them though. Just like joking around with them, 'cause I feel like if you build up a kind of cool relationship with the paps, they'll kind of ease up on you a little bit. You show them a little bit of love, like "Hey man, I'm just trying to chill." 'Cause they're all aggressive, they're built to not give a fuck about what you say [*Laughs*.] They're built to hear you ask to be left alone and they just say "but come on man, just take one picture!" They're built to not give a fuck or understand your situation, to be very insensitive. So I feel like you just gotta be cool with them, and be a little bit chill.

## 2010

Kid Cudi's "Mr Rager" alter ego embodies a battle between good and bad, between instinct and impulse, that the rapper is still coming to terms with. For all of his success over the past year, Scott Mescudi has been steered more by his short fuse—and the fallout it's led to leaves him unsure of where he's headed. He's not just a lonely stoner anymore; one of the most surprising rap breakouts of the Internet era has more than enough war to go with his peace.

The autographed picture of Guns N' Roses guitarist Slash in the lobby of the Sunset Marquis hotel in West Hollywood makes clear that more than a few rock stars have had more than a few crazy nights there. Tonight, though, the hotel is tranquil, and the star ensconced within is the same. Kid Cudi's demeanor on this summer evening in August is a far cry from what you'd expect, based on everything that's happened to the 26-year-old rapper since we sat down with him last year. Getting into scuffles with fans, being arrested in June for possession of cocaine and criminal mischief—true to his newest alter ego, Mr. Rager has indeed been ragin', though it's hard to reconcile that whirlwind of controversy with the leather pants-clad young man emerging from the lobby. We're going house-shopping with him in the Hollywood Hills (he ends up copping a plush two-story where Fred Durst and others have laid their fitteds), and he wants to confirm with a realtor that he can install custom lights. A successful album and an HBO show have treated him well, clearly.

Afterward, we settle back in his black-on-black SUV and go over everything: the good (his highly anticipated sophomore album, Man On The Moon II: The Legend of Mr. Rager), the bad (the night he spent in jail, which Cudi will explain was a far more serious wake-up call than he'd get at the Sunset Marquis), and the ugly (his drug use throughout the past year). As we talk, the tattoo on his forearm flexes occasionally; a person's head, split in two, divided into sides labeled GOOD and BAD. And given Cudder's year, we can't imagine a more fitting image. There's a rift between thought and action, ideal and real—and sometimes it threatens to grow so wide that a man can get lost in it. But we hope not.

**Complex: Forgive me, but we gotta start with some controversy. In "Mojo So Dope," you say that you "live through words, not metaphors, so I pass to be the rest of the freshmen." What did you mean by that line?**

**Kid Cudi**: I didn't want anybody to take it the wrong way, because it wasn't a dis. But most of the rappers that everyone loves are rappers that use metaphors. That's not my style of rap. I like to rhyme in a more poetic way. Sometimes you don't have to use these...witty ways of trying. It just sounds like somebody is overselling shit.

**You're big on not having your music compared to anyone else's.**

**Kid Cudi**: Did you see that Wale interview that he just did, comparing us to sports? Let me clear this up: I'm incomparable to anybody. I don't care how people take that. No one can compete with me. I'm unfuckwittable; no one can knock me off my shit. I'm an unstoppable force, I'm a bullet. My trajectory is to the sky. N\*\*\*as got to do something really spectacular to fuck with me and my realm, and n\*\*\*as be so bitter that you hear it in their voice.

**Speaking of Wale, when you hit that fan at your show last December, he came out with a line about it ["Throwin' 'round wallets like the dude that Kid Cudi hit," from "Thank You Freestyle"].**

**Kid Cudi**: It wasn't a shot, it's just a simple-ass rhyme by a simple-ass rapper. You can't let that shit faze you. That's one of those raps that just shows the world that you wack. Why would you even use that as a metaphor? Everybody think they Hov. N\*\*\*as ain't got the magic like they think they do; there's only a couple of wizards in this game. I'm a wizard and I know it.

**Are your peers not seeing that?**

**Kid Cudi**: The last album, I let people dis me, throw out those jabs in their verses and have their little slick remarks. This time around, I'm not fucking around. I have no time to think about other n\*\*\*as. These other motherfuckers like feeding off another n\*\*\*a's energy, so they mention their name. You hear me talk about n\*\*\*as? I don't even talk about Kanye, and that's my homeboy! They talk about Kanye like they're bosom buddies with this n\*\*\*a. Talking about "I be in Hawaii"—man, shut the fuck up, why you got to tell everybody everything? Then people like Wale get mad that 'Ye ain't give him no beats—'Ye ain't give you no beats because we ain't fucking with your raps. It's not a conspiracy theory. We don't fuck with you musically, so we're not going to provide music for you. The shit is a service, it's a quality of a certain standard. N\*\*\*as are just so thirsty it's ridiculous. I've been eating humble pie forever, and people still call me an asshole. These people don't know my fucking life—now I'm going to give them something to talk about.

**Is that the album's tone? Is it just about you going in?**

**Kid Cudi**: It's explicit, but smart explicit. I'm not holding back. I have no regard for what people consider right or wrong. Some things I follow—like the law, from here on out. But other than that, I'm doing whatever the fuck I want to do. I'm not holding back. That's why I've been so excited about this move to L.A., because I just want to keep growing creatively, all over, as a human being.

**And part of that is anti-metaphor.**

**Kid Cudi**: I want my shit to be like you're reading a novel, not a Dr. Seuss book. I felt like the last album was too short. This one is a little bit longer, it's 18 tracks and counting. It's just ten times better on all levels. The story's deeper, darker, with no holding back. It's beautiful, man. It's an emotional album.

**How do you feel about the "emo" label?**

**Kid Cudi**: DMX is emo and he's one of the realest n\*\*\*as in the game. Emotion is what hip-hop thrives on. Don't you want your music to have emotion in it? People like to always throw some negative cloud over it. Doesn't even make sense. Jeezy is emo. When that n\*\*\*a be rapping, you feel it. You know that n\*\*\*a's talking some real shit.

**Do you think it keeps your songs from going as mainstream as they could?**

**Kid Cudi**: People are quick to judge my singles one by one, and when the album drop, those be the assholes that are like, "Oh shit, I totally underestimated Cudi, this shit is crazy." I told you, dumbass: You can't look at snippets from an Oliver Stone film and be able to critique it.

**Is that in general or talking about a song like "REVOFEV"? People heard "REVOFEV" and said, "This won't work on the charts."**

**Kid Cudi**: When people heard "REVOFEV," it's like, "C'mon, that's not a rap song." I don't give a fuck. I don't make jams for the charts. My whole point is to make the music indescribable. I like baffling motherfuckers.

**Speaking of which: Another song, "Wylin' 'Cause I'm Young," has crazy drug references.**

**Kid Cudi**: Kids respect an honest motherfucker. I fuck up so I can show you about what not to do. I told you do blow? No, Cud did that, so hopefully you won't have to go through that. [*Laughs*.]

**How heavy did the drug use get?**

**Kid Cudi**: I started doing cocaine to get through interviews, 'cause people wanted to know a lot about my personal life and I wasn't prepared for a 60 Minutes interview every time. Doing bumps I was able to get through the day, but then I would smoke weed to calm me down—it was the only way I could get through the day without people noticing I was doing it.

**Did you ever feel like you had a problem?**

**Kid Cudi**: I never thought it was a problem, but I was definitely high-fiving death a couple of times. It took a lot for me to talk about shit like this on the album. I don't feel like I need to explain myself to anyone besides the fans. My fans don't believe shit until they hear me say it. And those are true Kid Cudi fans. I want them to know the story.

**With all that's happened, do you feel like the full story still isn't known?**

**Kid Cudi**: All they know about me is hitting somebody or being a maniac and being arrested. I never knew the media would be so interested in my personal life.

**A lot of people jumped on you for hitting that fan, too.**

**Kid Cudi**: Even Perez Hilton said some shit about me. He might be a good person and have a good heart, but he does a lot of fuckhead shit. Who are you to talk about people? That's not cool. That's why the world is so fucked up, because of hate. And he's gay? I just don't get that. The gay people I know are about peace and love and coming together. That shit doesn't register with me. He's a chump and a coward, and it's fucked up because I met dude so many times and he had nothing but love to show me. Then when that shit happened with Lady Gaga kicking me off her tour, he had to run his mouth and judge me on that shit.

**Was that tough for you?**

**Kid Cudi**: It was. I apologized to that young man I hit—we hung out, he's the coolest kid in the world. But she's going to kick me off the tour because she didn't want that negative type of energy at her shows? Word? I never did nothing to that girl. Every time I saw her I gave her mad respect, showed her mad love. It didn't matter, I still got paid. She spent all her money on her shows, so I probably made more off her tour than she did. That's the "ha ha ha, isn't it ironic?" moment.

**That's a lot to go through.**

**Kid Cudi**: There's another thing people don't know. I have a daughter, born March 26th of this year. Her name is Vada, and she's fucking awesome. That was eating me up, and it was stressing me out that nobody knew about her. I was trying to escape from that, too. Just trying to figure it out and make everyone happy, it's a lot for somebody my age to handle. I was manning up and dealing with it in what I thought was the right way, but it was the wrong way. I want to be around for her. I can honestly say she was the wake-up call. The reality that it's bigger than just you now—you have a responsibility and there's no more time for mistakes. It's time to stop fucking around.

**That's intense.**

**Kid Cudi**: I was scared as fuck. I need to be a dad now, and I'm not with the girl—how does that work? Because having money isn't it. I just wanted to be a great dad, and I didn't think I was capable. Then I thought: When she gets here it's either nut up or shut up. She's my best friend and she doesn't even know it. That's why I always told myself I'm going to make these songs for my kids, so they can follow along and know my story, if something was ever to happen to me. No matter what motherfuckers are saying or haters are putting in their ear. She can put on my records and be like, "Fuck all that other shit, my dad was like this." But I might make sure she doesn't listen to this album until she's 40. [*Laughs*.] I'm excited about watching her grow, I'm excited to be a papa.

**Was getting locked up after the criminal mischief arrest another wake-up call?**

**Kid Cudi**: The "new me" happened when I was walking out of court that day. It was really just like, "Man, you got it fucking going on, and you were about to piss it all away for some bullshit." Everywhere I go, people be looking at me like I'm some type of fucking crackhead now. Nobody wants to have their fucking name attached to a maniac, to a fuck-up, so everyone distances themselves. There are only a few motherfuckers that called and checked in on me. I can count them on my hand.

**Who was there for you?**

**Kid Cudi**: Besides the fam, and Yeezy and Don C, there's one artist in this game who has always had my back and had nothing but love to show, and that's Lupe Fiasco. Every time I see that man, it's nothing but love—I saw him a little after it, and he was like "I'm worried about you, man, just checking in." He's somebody who I know really genuinely gives a fuck. Noreaga also checked in.

**So is that it for cocaine?**

**Kid Cudi**: Yup. No more blow. People do drugs to camouflage emotions and run away from their problems. Now I'm going to deal with certain things as they come, prioritize shit—man up, so to speak. Just for the record, it bugged me out that people said it was liquid cocaine. No, I'm just fucking rich, and my blow comes in a jar. There was no liquid in it—that shit makes no sense.

**Going back to the album, when did you decide to switch it from a collabo album back to being dark?**

**Kid Cudi**: When I started making records like "Erase Me." I wanted this album to be fun, but the dark shit was my life at that time. I was fighting not to write that shit. It got frustrating writing a collab album—I just lost interest, and it became more of a task, rather than something I wanted to do. That's not how it's supposed to feel. The day it becomes work, you need to retire.

**Is "Erase Me" a major departure from what you normally do?**

**Kid Cudi**: "Erase Me" was fun as fuck to make, but it's just different. It was me fucking around, just to show people I can do whatever. That's my main goal now, just to show people no matter what I do, I'm going to make shit that's in good taste. Might not be your cup of tea, but it's going to be authentic, it's not going to be forced.

**How do you feel about people saying it's radio-manufactured?**

**Kid Cudi**: When I made it, I was like, "This beat sounds fresh as hell, I want to do some rock shit"—and I did it. I came up with that shit in 30 minutes. I was feeling it, and then I was like, "This shit ain't Cudder, it's just me fucking around, let me stop bullshitting."

**It was a creative look for you and Kanye, though.**

**Kid Cudi**: Can I be honest with you? I don't think anybody is fucking with what we—me and Kanye—got. Creatively, there's nobody. You can argue all day about who has the best album, there's never going to be an answer. There are other artists who are hot for God knows what reason. But as far as creativity, pound for pound, track for track, video for video, hands down, there's nobody fucking with me and 'Ye.

**"Mr. Rager" is a song people will gravitate to, and it clearly means a lot to you. What's the full meaning?**

**Kid Cudi**: This song is about someone who is fed up with reality, who looks for thrills and excitement by any means. It's just kind of how I was feeling at that point. I was just so angry. Doing coke revived me, and knowing I was so close to death every time intrigued me. I liked the thought of it.

**Death is a recurring theme for you.**

**Kid Cudi**: Yeah, but I'm at a different point in my life, and I don't even like talking about that. I've been thinking positive and keeping my mind out of the clouds. You can't take things so seriously, but I gambled for a long time. Shit was intense, it was a journey.

**At the Converse show in July where you acknowledged using cocaine, you said you're going to be around until you're "old as fuck," and also said, "I'm sorry if I let you down, I love you." Did you feel like you let your fans down?**

**Kid Cudi**: Every time I snap. I'm sitting there making songs like "Heart of a Lion" and talking about getting through anything, and rising up, and I'm up here snapping and letting people break my shell. I have to practice what I preach. I get strength, and the kids use it.

**After all the shit you've been through, do you feel strong?**

I'm maturing. A boy crumbles from stress, a man can take some punches. And I've been getting sucker-punched for a long time. Life's been beating the shit out of me, mentally and physically. But life is one big fucking joke, so I'm laughing inside.

## 2011

Kid Cudi loves Walk Hard. So much. So much, in fact, that the 27-year-old musician says that he uses the slept-on Judd Apatow mock-rock biopic to chart his career trajectory. However, the fact that he's wearing real-deal shit-kicking cowboy boots (!!!) at this very moment, seated in his Tribeca apartment (which looks like Tom Hanks' loft in Big, reimagined by Nigo), is purely coincidental. But I digress. Back to Walk Hard. What makes this whole comparison to the rock-n-roll cliché kinda crazy is that young Cudder has done in three years what it took that flick's Dewey Cox 25 years to do. Seriously. You know Cox's story: rise from obscurity on the back of a signature hit, have a kid, go psychedelic, party out of control, get arrested, break up the band, get cleaned up.

Cudi did all that. Blew up off "Day N Nite," made a psychedelic masterpiece with Man on the Moon, partied waaaaay out of control (check TMZ for the evidence), got arrested for kicking down a woman's door with a jar of coke in his pocket, had a baby girl, quit the coke, fired his managers, and then quit the weed. In three years. If he were Dewey Cox, that would put him in the mid-'70s, hosting a TV show and struggling with sobriety-induced writer's block. Hmm.

Ironically, that's not too far from where Cudi finds himself. However, where Cox was at a washed-up crossroads of middle age (with only about 15 minutes left in the movie), Cudi is squarely in his prime and undeniably at his career's zenith. He's starring in the acclaimed HBO drama How to Make It in America and putting out a Shia LaBeouf written and directed short, Maniac, inspired by his song of the same name. Having picked up the guitar during his recovery, he's working on his rock-themed side project, The Wizard (while struggling a little, he admits, with sober songwriting).

Cudi is going to have to find a whole new career trajectory to use as a benchmark, 'cause he's entering uncharted territory. Complex caught up with Mr. Solo Dolo before he jumped to the other side of the pond to tour and discussed all of the above, plus why he hates doing features, how he's his own best manager, and what he's learned about love.

There's no way to slow somebody when they're speeding down a path of destruction.

**So, that last interview you did with Complex was...explosive. [*Laughs*.]**

Yeah, it was a doozy! [*Laughs*.] You know, I was clean then, but I still had, like, a drug hangover.

**Is that drug hangover why you disappeared after you released your second album?**

I wanted to clear my head, besides detox. I had to look at the root of the whole problem, and that was work and the business.

**How so?**

I wasn't trying to hear it from nobody. I'm not even going to attack the people in my life that didn't step in and try to stop it, 'cause I was just so bullheaded. There's no way to slow somebody when they're speeding down a path of destruction.

I thought I was dealing with it in the proper way. I was in the moment. And when you're that young, with that opportunity, all that money, and all that respect and power, sometimes you run with it. 'Cause I was like, "Man, you don't know if this shit's gon' be here tomorrow."

**You'd just put the record out. Was there pressure from the label or from management to keep going?**

No. Even after the arrest I didn't want to stop working. I owed it to my fans and my staff and the label, to finish what I started. I started an album, I need to finish it. Push it back, but it's coming out. And that's just me being the businessman, still wanting to deliver a product. I didn't want to bitch and whine about it like, "Oh, man, I couldn't finish this album because I was dealing with some things!" Fuck that.

I was living the album out as I was creating it. When I quit the drugs and was ready to wrap the album, I did three new records that I felt were the conclusion. It was going to end with "All Along," which is just a very sad song to end an album. I came up with "Ghost," then "Trapped in My Mind," then "Don't Play This Song." Those records summed up my emotions.

I'm happy that I was able to squeeze out those joints. I don't think I would have been as proud of the album if I'd ended it with "All Along." That's such a sad ending.

Being around Kanye was my escape. Seeing how he throws himself into the studio when he's stressing about something, I totally admire that. Being around that was therapy for me.

**As soon as the album was released you disappeared. What did you do?**

Hung out with my mom a bit. Went out to L.A., cleared my head. I had a couple shows here and there, but I wasn't trying to tour.

**I imagine you turned down an inordinate amount of money in those months.**

Yeah. I turned down a lot of money, man. [*Laughs*.] Because this shit has never been about the money for me. It was the first time in my life where I took time for myself. I'm not a selfish person, but sometimes you've got to be selfish.

**At the top of the year you seemed to be spending a lot time in New York with Kanye.**

I was at another place, another dark place. Me and my girl had broken up. I wasn't fully healed yet. And being around Kanye and music was my escape. He's a sober guy, he has a drink every once in a while, but seeing how he throws himself into the studio when he's stressing about something, I totally admire that. Being around that was therapy for me.

**Are you back together with your lady?**

Yeah, we're solid. I'm just trying to figure out love. I never was really good at it, but when you have someone who loves you so much and can take your good and your bad, and work with you and help you grow—that's priceless. To have a ride-or-die woman, for somebody that's in the position I'm in, that's a once-in-a-lifetime thing.

**Some of your other relationships changed during that time, too. You had a very public parting of ways with your managers.**

I wanted to try something new, and I wanted to take control of things myself. Those are still my guys, Pat and Emile, and I'm still going to work with them in the future. When we start working on Man on the Moon III I'll be calling them up to see if they want to be a part of it. I know Emile is definitely down.

We had an issue, but we're men and we were able to figure it out and move forward. There's no hard feelings.

**Do you regret announcing it on Twitter?**

Somewhat. But it gave me those calls that I'd been wanting, like, "Yeah, I've got your attention." And I'm never one to put shit out there like that.

**It seemed a bit out of character for you.**

I have a ship and I want to keep that ship strong. The people who are a part of it, I want them to know that they're a part of something stable. I want to go, musically and with the acting, and I just can't slow up. I'm not going to sit here and stress about things that can't be fixed. Or at least things that can't be fixed right now.

**You touched on this with regard to how fame warps the intentions of women, but it also applies to business. Now everyone wants a hand in your pocket, but your original team was down with you when you were the kid that worked at the BAPE store. How do you navigate that?**

Easy: Don't fuck with anyone! [*Laughs*.] I can manage myself, thank you.

**So you're managing yourself now?**

I have been for a minute now. It's fun!

**You just have an assistant, a lawyer, an accountant, a publicist—**

Yeah, and it's easy 'cause I don't live the life of a celebrity. My to-do list is limited to just two things: touring and studio. I record from home, so I don't need to set up studio time. I book my own shows directly with my agent. I don't do features with anyone, really. Other than Jay and Kanye, or if something cool comes along, like the Knux thing. And those are things that I'm really enthused about.

I'm not interested in being somebody's look. I don't like most people musically, so it's tough for me to be a part of people's projects.

**So not a lot of features in your future?**

I'm not interested in being someone's look. And that's what it is nowadays—a look. It's hard for me to charge people, because I do my stuff for free. I do all my stuff with Jay and Kanye on the house, because it's a brotherhood. Besides them, I can't really hit nobody with a fee, because then that's a dispute. What I want to charge, motherfuckers might not have a budget for!

On top of that, it's a commitment when you do a song with somebody. Like, "We need a single, we need the video." And then—like I said in the last interview, being that I don't fuck with most people musically—it's tough for me to want to bend and be a part of people's projects.

**Speaking of people you don't fuck with musically, you coined that phrase in Complex last year talking about Wale, but now you guys have peaced it up and you're doing a feature for him.**

Wale is the homie, and I like the record he wants me to get on. This is my redemption for those comments last year. I definitely want people to see that we can create music together.

**He's been talking it up, too. He asked you about finishing up your part the other day—**

I know he's excited. I'm working on it. But I've got to do it at the proper time. I haven't had time and he knows that. I'm happy to do this one, but I've been busy touring and working on my project.

**Let's talk about your number one commitment, the Wizard album. What made you want to take a break from the MOTM series to do something different?**

After I got off the drugs I was like, I need a fucking hobby. I can't be chillin' in the house playing video games all the time. And I can't be in the clubs, 'cause that led to the disaster. So what am I going to do? Why don't I try to pick up an instrument?

I always wanted to play guitar. I tried it as a child and failed, tremendously. I tried to play the trumpet, the fucking clarinet, violin. Back then, when you tried that in school they would want you to read sheet music. It wasn't about, "Can you play by ear?" I'm not one of those musicians.

So I picked up the guitar last fall and I started fiddling with it. It came kind of natural to me. I'm not saying that the first time around I was shredding riffs. But I was able to pick it up and pick, and go up and down the neck, and find melodies. I was like, "Shit, I want to just make jams with this instrument." It was something that I took very seriously.

**Does moving from Kid Cudi the rapper to Kid Cudi the musician change your songwriting?**

It makes the songs more personal. I have a connection with each record because I'm creating the bed to put lyrics on.

**Is this your first time creating music not under the influence?**

Yeah.

**What's that like?**

Stressful. But I love the challenge. It's like a kid learning to ride a bike—you can't have those training wheels forever. I have to learn how to be inspired by other things than my turmoil and pain and stress. I have to learn how to sit in the studio, clearheaded, and make a jam.

**Have you had writer's block?**

At times. You sit there, and you're like, "Fuck," because you know there's people waiting. You work through it, though.

**Do you still go out?**

Like, party a bit?

It was easy for me to quit smoking weed because I stopped liking the way it made me feel. I didn't like being one foot in, one foot out of reality. I could be blitzed out of my skull and somebody might be plotting to snuff me in the club.

**Well not "party," but do you go drink or—**

I can still sip my whiskey but I control my intake of liquor. I just don't like the way it makes me feel [to be out-of-control drunk]. The reason it was so easy for me to quit smoking weed was because I stopped liking the way it made me feel. I didn't like being one foot in, one foot out of reality. Especially in this business where you've got to watch the snakes in the grass. I could be blitzed out of my skull and somebody might be plotting to snuff me in the club. I really like being more alert.

I go out every once in a while. Not as much as I used to. Particularly in L.A., it's tough because of the paparazzi. Even though it's not going to happen, they're waiting to see me fucking stumble out of a club again.

**Speaking of L.A., much of your attention recently has been on acting.**

I've always been interested in acting, but it didn't seem as realistic of a goal for me. It's awesome how it came about organically. It came out of nowhere, and it's dope that my music career and How to Make It took off at the same time. I feel ridiculously blessed to have this opportunity to do this show.

**Your music is a personal expression, but with acting you're channeling someone else. How does that compare, in terms of creative satisfaction?**

I get the same thrills with acting that I do when I'm on stage. When I'm on stage I'm like this maestro all throughout the night. I'm more animated than how I am in real life. The same with acting. It just comes off natural because it's literally just me thinking about people I knew when I was coming up in New York that are like Domingo. He has all these different hustles. You see him at parties. You don't know what he does but he's with all these models. He has all this positive energy all the time. And I envy people like that because when you meet those people it's like, "Man, does this person ever have a rough day?" [*Laughs*.]

**Acting, guitar, bingeing, sobriety, breakups, shake-ups—you've come a long way since your first Complex cover two years ago. Where do you think you're gonna be two years from now?**

I wanna be taking it easy. I wanna be hanging out with my daughter. I've been working, working, working since I got in this business. My mom tells me I work too much, and she could be right. I just want to be able to take a break and raise my kid.

I'm always going to be working on something because I have too many ideas. Every day I come up with some wild fucking idea, some type of scheme. I feel like I have a purpose and if I don't create then I'm letting myself down. I've been given this opportunity for people to listen to me worldwide. I'm just gonna fucking keep rocking and keep rocking and keep rocking until I'm in a wheelchair somewhere.

## 2013

Kid Cudi's brain is wired differently.

That's not to say the human brain doesn't differ from person to person, but a unique set of circumstances has shaped both the career and circuitry of 28-year-old Scott Mescudi, one of hip-hop's most cerebral artists. Cudi's trials and tribulations have been splashed all over these pages throughout the years: the come-up, the drug use, the birth of his daughter. As the Cudi cycle has played out in the public eye, it's become a rinse-and-repeat formula: drop an album, take a few acting gigs, disappear until it's time for another album. But Cudi is far from formulaic. Where many rappers and actors pursue endless press exposure, Cudder prefers seclusion. Where others are uncomfortable discussing depression and death, Cudi fluctuates between dark thoughts, funny voices, and laughter.

A visit to Cudi's newly purchased luxe bungalow in the relatively sleepy L.A. neighborhood Los Feliz—far from his previous digs in the celebrity-stacked Hollywood Hills—reveals Cudi's muted mind-set. Tall opaque windows line the exterior so that Cudi can see out, but onlookers can't see in. Once you get past his bulldog, Freshie, the interior yields more clues to Cudi's psyche: A framed hologram of Jimi Hendrix hangs on a wall near the front door. In the living room, an easel holds a white canvas with the word "immortal" painted in bold, capitalized, black letters. The word is both the name of the second single from his forthcoming release, Indicud—his fourth album in five years—and a signpost for the themes of mortality that have always been undertones in his music. Yet as brooding as one might expect Cudi's home to be, the mood inside is bright. His protégé King Chip and another friend sit on the couch as he clicks through beats he's created. Time is split between discussions of crafting the Cudi sound and Googling YouTube clips of Chris Farley, until a decision is made to watch Norm Macdonald's '90s cult-comedy Dirty Work. The night ends with an episode of AMC's zombie apocalypse drama The Walking Dead.

I said, 'Something's wrong with me. Why do I feel like I want to punch an elephant? Why am I so irritable?' I finally got off the pills and then I started feeling normal.

The next day Cudi's all business. He rolls to Glenwood Place Recording Studios in his black Range Rover wearing a vintage Lakers Tee, A.P.C. jeans, and Converse Jack Purcells with the words "I'm not like them, but I can pretend" written across the toe boxes. It's a Kurt Cobain lyric from Nirvana's drug ballad "Dumb." Is Cudi referring to other rappers? He's always been a hip-hop iconoclast. But after the experimental rock EP WZRD, he's ready to get back to rhymes and beats. In fact, he's handling most of the production on Indicud himself. Cudi's rebirth as a producer has reinvigorated his passion for hip-hop, just as his spirit has been revitalized by coming off anti-depressants following a breakup with his longtime girlfriend. As he explained on "Just What I Am," a self-produced song that charted on the Billboard Hot 100, the pills weren't working and he was suffering from side effects. On this overcast day in L.A. he feels sharper than ever, with a focus on rocketing himself back into the conversation about rap's heavyweights.

Inside the studio, there's no entourage, no girls, just Cudi, his engineer, and the Maschine, a producing tool that Chip bought him for Father's Day. He uses it to construct a beat in the space of 30 minutes, adding keys and an electric guitar, then spits a chorus to the song with the working title "Mr. Digital." As the engineer plays back the day's work, Cudi does the robot, obviously pleased. Then it's time to return to his Range Rover for a frank discussion about being and nothingness, and everything in between.

**When you were working on "Efflictim" for the WZRD EP, you said you would wake up in a terrible mood. Are you having fewer of those days now?**

Hell yeah. Every day is an adventure. [*Laughs*.] My last relationship took a lot out of me. I needed to reboot and rebuild my life. I'm in a positive place now, a happier place. I'm enlightened. It's better when you get older because you start to see things from a different perspective. Whether it's love, or just trying to figure out what you're going to do in life.

**Are you enjoying being single?**

I enjoy living my life for me and not by someone else's rules. It gets lonely but the loneliness doesn't bother me. I have time to think, time to write, time to myself. I'm winging it every day. I hope love finds me. I always hope for that. But now I'm super happy. I got my party shoes on every night.

Last time we spoke was in March. What's been going on since then?

It's been crazy for me. I took a trip on antidepressant lane for a little bit. After the WZRD song "Dr. Pill" everyone thought I was talking about molly or ecstasy. But I'm talking about prescription meds. I had just gotten a shrink. I was having an emotional breakdown with this breakup. I kept trying different pills for five months. It fucked me up.

**You addressed that on "Just What I Am."**

They weren't working. It was every side effect on the bottle. I couldn't fuck. My body didn't work. It was not good. I said, "Something's wrong with me. What the fuck? Why do I feel like I want to punch an elephant?" [*Laughs*.] "Why am I so irritable?" I finally got off the pills and then I started feeling normal. My brain went back to where it needed to be. I was able to analyze things and get my shit together.

**What about therapy? Was that helping you?**

A year ago I wouldn't even go to a therapist or psychiatrist. But I gave it a shot. It's working for me but it's not for everyone. I've got some fucking problems. [*Laughs*.] It's good for me to talk to someone who helps me see things. I had no other choice.

I was like, "Damn, I have to take a pill in order to be OK?" It bothered me. That was a real good moment after I got off the pills. I started to feel like myself again. I was happy and shit. I don't need anything to make me feel good. I just need to get my mind in check and stop trippin' on bullshit. I need to stop letting motherfuckers break me down, and make me feel like shit. I got to be a little stronger for myself and for my family and my fans. I can't be out here like some simp, letting something beat me down and make me feel like a peon. It was about reclaiming who I am. It's like "All right, let's go. It's time. Fuck everyone." [*Laughs*.]

**Who's everyone?**

Anyone that's ever said anything negative, anyone that's ever doubted me. I was a nice guy early in my career, and people in the business still found a way to call me a dick. Now I'm just like, whatever man. Fuck it. I'm trying to be nice to you cocksuckers and you don't even deserve all that. It's war. People don't know what cool is.

**So, what's cool?**

It's not hard to grasp. Cool is just being fucking authentic. Being yourself, being straight up. Legit—and have some type of fucking taste.

## Gallery

* 2009
* 2010
* 2011
* 2012
* 2013

August 2009 cover

October/November 2010 cover

October/November 2011 cover

August/September 2012 cover

February/March 2013 cover
## References

1. ↑ La Puma, Joe (August 3, 2009). "Kid Cudi". *Complex*.
2. ↑ "Complex's Kid Cudi Cover Story: The Uncut Interview Outtakes". *Complex*. August 14, 2009.
3. ↑ "Kid Cudi: Mad Man on the Moon (2010 Cover Story)". *Complex*. September 17, 2010.
4. ↑ Callahan-Bever, Noah (September 19, 2011). "Kid Cudi: Puzzling (2011 Cover Story)". *Complex*.
5. ↑ La Puma, Joe (January 15, 2013). "Kid Cudi: Life After Death (2013 Cover Story)". *Complex*.

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