Awful Squad

Episode 1: Reporting In

Players: Nick, Russ, Pat, Griffin, Charlie, and Justin

Streamer: Nick

Games Played: 3

Aired: May 11, 2017

Overview: Episode starts off with Nick, Russ, and Pat playing squads with a rando. Nick gets a skinny tie. The boys drop in on a small coastal town and after pillaging they hop in a boat, leaving their poor rando friend behind. They take the boat to Lipovka where nick beaches the boat. The rando squad mate makes his/her way to them by way of land and gets killed on their bike. RIP Vaperate. The boys find their fallen comrade's motorcycle, go full 'Wild Hogs 2' and get mowed down.

They come in 15/29.

Charlie joins the next game after having called the boys' grizzly mass murder. He teaches the boys how to not die so thoroughly and suggests they use code names. Charlie takes tortoises, Pat takes Dab, Russ takes rustle, and, true to form, Nick completely ignores everyone. They never use these code names. Not even once. Lots of "Charlie plays Arma" talk this ep. Nick confesses he gets tricked by the broken cars all the time. silly goose. Russ shoots a guy and kills him. This is the first in stream kill for the Awful Squad NIck gets a boat and leaves the rest of the boys. After abandoning his boat, he dies alone in the middle of the road. the other boys don't make it either.

They come in 9/26.

Pat leaves to make room for Griffin. Charlie leaves to make room for Justin. Griffin learns about way points! Justin learns about being a youtube star. Nick looks gets a duster and declares he looks like the Boondocks 3, the Boondocks saints 3 the TV show. he then finds goggles and finger-less gloves which really bumps his look form an 8 to a 10. Nick gets fooled by a fake car again. Justin and Griffin so off on a mission with each other to find Justin a long range weapon. The team gets caught in the red zone three times.They go back to their old house to find someone has been sleeping in their beds. They decide to throw in a smoke grenade in the hopes that it'll allow them to kill the perps which doesn't really work. Griffin gets his first kill. Russ is the last guy standing.

The team comes in 4/28.

Episode 2: Rides Again

Players: Nick, Russ, Pat, Griffin, and Justin

Streamer: Nick

Games Played: 6

Aired: May 18, 2017

Overview: Nick runs out the gate with complaints about Griffin's look. Pat and Russ are also in the game. Griffin get a black 3/4 sleeve shirt in a crate. Griffin laments his nudity. The boys drop in on a beach hamlet where they find two boats. They christen them "a" boat and "b" boat, go on a very short boat ride, and ground both boats. Nick stands next to a half dead boy while sorting his own stuff. Griffin comes in and kills the boy. Russ revives Nick and then promptly gets mowed down.

The Squad finishes 21/28.

Griffin has a very good look and usurps Nicks position as team leader. This just means he picks the landing spot and no one listens to him. He dies almost immediately. Pat and Nick corner someone (apro69) into a little shack, punching him into submission. The rest of the boy's team come in a car and shoot the remaining players of the squad like fish in a barrel.

They finish 25/28 in what is the shortest squad match of these two episodes, clocking in at 2:34 seconds from the moment they parachute out of the plane to when the last boy dies.

Griffin retains command of the team for the next game. The boys land in an area that literally a billion people also chose to land in. Griffin dies first then Russ, spurring Nick and Pat to go on a crusade to honor their leader's corps, they ignore Russ's rotting body. Russ gives Pat and Nick a wonderful speech sending Russ and Griffin on a mission for the best war speech. Griffin recites the speech from Independence Day, Russ recites the speech from Hoosiers then the theme song from Big Bang Theory which undeniably loses them the match.

They finish 26/29.

Russ is nominated as leader for the next match due to his stirring reciting of the speech from Hoosiers. This game is the first time we are introduced to the fire trail on the plane. It's beautiful. Pat gets a frying pan. Pat dies because he thinks hes close to the team but he super wasn't. Ding dong. Pat gives half of a speech. Russ establishes 'Contact' as the code word for seeing other people. Pat collects call of duty quotes for when each boy dies.The boys go into some hangers to die.Nick is the last to die.

They finish 18/28.

Russ gets a bloody shirt from a crate. Pat leaves the team to make room for Justin and give the boys some much needed Sun Tzu inspiration. Pat leaves them with the advice to just be as erratic as possible. We find out that even the people that fly closest to the sun deal with the bullshit of Skype. Nick and Justin are not friends on steam which is the first of many times we see polygon employees not being friends on steam. Justin leads the squad into battle. Griffin's game crashes, Justin dies, Nick dies trying to avenger Justin, Russ dies trying to avenge Nick.

The finish 22/29.

Nick makes a very good song out of Windows sounds. it's very good. The squad tries to communicate with the other boys by spelling "hi" with their bodies and someone sets them on fire. Nick invites the team to his house; Griffin is against it at first but comes around when Nick points out there are three boats they can ride around in. Nick confesses he had to repeat a year in boy scouts and Pat surprises us all that he is still on the call by giving a cool anecdote about when he was in scouts. Russ protects the squad from an evil microwave with a machete. Russ and Nick both get very cool trench coats. They look good. Pat is still on the call. The squad hides from the red zone in what is essentially a hovel that is situated pretty much in the center of the circle. in stead of staying in the house, the venture outside of it. A team comes and attacks them killing Nick, Justin, Griffin, then Russ.

They finish 16/29.