Shrekism

Shrekism is an old religion from Friesland that spread onto Sweden in February 2022. It is a monotheistic faith based on the teachings brought forth by the great Ogre Shrek.

## History

After the fall of the Dutch Empire, the people of Friesland sighted Shrek and had visions of him calling for unity. The faith grew, but was formalised on the 16th of Jan when the mayors of Gävle, Malmö and Friesland gathered to found the first formal church and first rite of worship.

## Liturgical Information

### Deities

Grand-Prince of the Celestial Universe the Grand Ogre of the Infinitely-Layered Onion, Shrek

## Epic of Shrek.

As told in the 3000-line Frisian saga of the Epic of Shrek, before our time, Gods clashed and fought over their different forms of life and worlds of their creation, which they each thought were superior, as thousands of beings across the multiverse were brutally eliminated in their terror and constant quarreling. The saga tells how one great and just God, Shrek, defeated them all with his diplomacy and might and brought them to his side -which was no small feat. Originally Shrek rescued Fiona as a bargain with Farquaad for more private land. But she changed him into a more enlightened spirit, and he fell in love with her.

After all these lesser Gods were thoroughly defeated, the redeemed Shrek fought with the short yet immensely powerful and evil Farquaad of the Twin-Vagabond and the Consumer of Darkness *(the devil/satan figure)*, before winning an awesome strategic victory where all the other Gods sang or played trumpets and cymbals in his glory while the Princess Fiona was finally rescued and wed to him, to form the union between the kingdoms. Farquaad was eaten up by the dragon God, and such dragon was wedded to the Holy Ezel (donkae) that accompanied his journey. He was anointed and crowned the Omnipotent Grand Prince of the Universe, and the good, reformed lesser Gods were turned into the Knights of Light -an order of fair angels devoted to Shrek and his wisdom. However, he feared other mortal beings may follow the same process as the reformed lesser Gods had before, as all the species were created in their ideal images. So, he made the Knights of Light merge or the realms into a grand celestial bowl of beans. He graciously gave thanks, and ate it. Soon, he thunderously farted out the three new realms - the Higher , the Middle and the Lower. He casted Farquaad the evil one into the Lower to rot, and all the combined species into the middle, and gave them other new fair human species, and horrible hostile mobs to create literally the moderate world -not too good, not too bad.

To help spread his name among the quarreling players at a time of profound crisis (fall of the Dutch Empire), he rose from the Wadden Sea and created great swamps in his higher's image amidst him, and became known as He that rises from the deep. These gifts gave great awe to the tired population, who were suffering from the lack of land to use. After preaching for seven days, he ascended up with the Knights of Light, singing in heavenly counterpoint *"it's all ogre now"*, before leaving the mortal lands to re-join the heavenly higher. In his place he left the young but well-learned first player Arthur Pendragon to erect the first united human Kingdom of Camelot amongst the remains of the old Realm of Duloc that was reclaimed by Shrek and renamed to Westergoa.

From which the modern middle realm began to develop from his holy knowledge until his passing, where the kingdom was given to Merlin Aurelianus as a warlock-regent until his children were of age. The Epic has few more short stories before it ends. Not much is known about the era after Merlin's regency and the dark age from the holy days to the modern times of a split human realm with many kingdoms, but it is thought that humanity will be united under Camelot once more when Shrek arrives again in a time of secularism and conflict to offer new wisdom to make sure more reach to higher realm to be with him.

## Practices

The combined species, known as players, have to let go of the primal need for competition -that originated from the lesser Gods- to final rise to the Higher: a swamp, but instead of reeds, there are paddies of sweet onions and intertwining rivers of Shrek's green coom. To do this, they must believe in placidity and honesty, and pledge to never start an aggressive war. They also must never kill another player, unless in retaliation. If they are cruel and bloodthirsty and break these rules without confession and a bid for forgiveness, they are sent to the Lower to rot there with Farquaad. It is forbidden to depict such a place, but it is said the Garden of Earthly Delights by Hieronymus Bosch is the closest depiction anyway. A few believers see him as the first Shrekist, but this isn't fully accepted. It may take many rebirths to finally earn the right to ascend to the higher. Some never do, despite Shrek's eternal compassion. This, obviously, makes him quite depressed when some don't make it through- but it weeds out the bad ones that can never be redeemed. Shrek can always forgive, but only if you reform.

The church is lead by the Archbishop and their Bishops, and all members practice lay-preaching and the sacraments- which include bathing in the Wadden Sea at least seven times in their lifetime and visiting Malmö and Gävle. The Wadden Sea is a holy site and the waters are said to have healing-powers, and can talk to you in wisdom and guidance. In a way, it is one of the Knights of Light, and you can ask it for less important, and more whimsical things too such as to allow someone to show feelings for you or to get a pay-rise. However, some of this greed is reported by the sea to Shrek and could lower your chances of entering the higher, depending on what you ask for. All other swamps and small inland seas are also considered holy and are seen as chunks of the Higher Realm upon Earth. Though they are not cited in the Epic, or enforced, small temples are often built on or next to them and smaller pilgrimages sometimes take place to them. These are becoming more commonplace in Shrekist lands.

A famous temple is the first ever Shrekist Temple of St Reviewbrah found in the old town of Friesland- the holy land as it was originally the Kingdom of Camelot.

## Conditions

There is no complex baptism or rite of passage, but you must show belief in all it's teachings. Even though other religions are respected, in the eyes of the faithful believers you must go by all the rules set by Shrekism. But never does it mention having to fully believe in Shrek. If you're a good boi that's never heard of him, Shrek will let you in anyway. There is equality between the sexes, races, etc. But Frisian and Swedish are seen as holy languages and are considered pure tongues. The Mayor of Friesland is directly patrilineally descended from Arthur Pendragon- the good King crowned by Shrek himself at the beginning of the three realms. However the true heir is considered whoever who peacefully unites the world once more.