260: Batthwack Yells And Then Smashes... *gasp*

Madam Eva (mentioned)

## Summary

While Raphina chats with Bernard alone in her room, Batthwack and Will are drawn together by purple-smoke-filled-whip-crack-sounding orbs, which there are now apparently two of. The orbs' strange voice stirs things up between them by promising to help their families if they break the orb. With the help of the rest of the group, Batthwack is somehow able to resist the temptation, instead throwing his orb out of the window. The group try to explain to Gwen who could be behind this, suspecting the return of the Swirly Man, and she finds herself doubting the purity of her relationship with Moondreamer.

## Synopsis

In the suite bedroom, Raphina has settled down on the luggage rack, finding it the perfect size for her. She can't sleep of course, but entertains herself by making snoring noises. Eventually she feels something tickling on her hand, and looking down she sees Bernard in his giant centipede form sitting there. He tells her it's been hard keeping up with them and they catch up on recent events, Raphina commenting on how happy she is that Will and Batthwack have been getting on so well. *"There's something connecting them and I feel like it's strengthening,"* says Bernard. He asks Raphina if she's suspicious of Sheemie at all and she says it was surprising how easily he pickpocketed Will. She suggests she should give it a go herself and Bernard encourages her.

Raphina is just asking Bernard to keep a look out for any large keys, when he suddenly says *"Wait a second! Wait!"* He turns and lifts up, pointing away into the other room and out towards the hallway. *"There's something happening. Something bad. It's with Will and Batthwack. Go!"* He scurries into a pocket in Raphina's Lanky Pack and she hurries away.

Meanwhile, Batthwack, in the other room of the suite, has been quietly sipping his Bufflin whiskey and continuing work on designing his own set of playing cards. All of a sudden, he feels a significant weight in his pack and looking inside he finds a clear glass orb, very similar to the one he encountered in the forest, except this one is filled with swirling purple smoke. He carefully rolls it out, peers at it and eventually speaks to it, putting his hand on it and saying *"Who are you?"* A smooth-sounding voice replies, *"Will lost me. Please bring me back to Will."* The voice doesn't identify itself and Batthwack guesses it might be Zol Berdia, which the voice denies, simply asking that they be returned to Will. It says that it doesn't know how it got in his pack. Batthwack's not convinced by any of this, asking *"Which one are you?"* There's the sound of a whip crack and then the orb falls silent.

Picking up the orb in one hand and the shot glass in the other, Batthwack walks across the room to the window. Looking west he can see the Warrens, Tinkertown, the university, and the river below is gleaming in the moonlight. He opens the window and asks the orb again what it's name is. It simply says *"You know one of my names."* Batthwack makes more guesses: Zantras, Savnok, both of which the orb denies. Batthwack realises he couldn't trust the answer anyway. The orb says *"Don't you think Will wants his family back?"*, and remembering that they're dead, Batthwack is reminded of one more dark power in particular. He asks if the orb knows who he's talking about, describing the dark powers as their "cell mates." The orb considers this and says *"You're closer to the truth."*

The orb says *"Maybe I'm already with Will right now."* Batthwack has clearly heard enough. He says *"Maybe you can find him yourself"* and he throws the orb out the window and it sails down, landing with a ker-sploosh in the river.

Meanwhile, Will has been enjoying finally being alone in a hotel room, and takes a bath. Having got dressed again, he decides to get his swirly glass orb out and puts it on the bed. Without event touching it, it begins speaking to him and he finds himself already regretting taking it out. The orb asks him cryptically *"Do you know where I am right now?"* Will's confused. The orb tells him they're close by and Will scoops the ball into his pocket and goes out into the hall. He pounds on the door of the suite, getting no response. It's the same at Gwen's room. Starting to panic a little, Will knocks on a random door and is met by the face of an old man who slams the door angrily when Will starts making excuses. He hurries back to the suite and tries the door, finding to his surprise that it opens, revealing Batthwack who is in the process of throwing the orb out the window.

Batthwack turns around to see Will. He tells him about the orb that he found. They both hear laughter, Will from inside his pocket, and Batthwack can hear it coming from his bag. Batthwack tells Will exactly what happened, including what it said about Will's family, the sound of a whip crack, and how he had thrown it into the river to keep Will from danger. Batthwack calmly walks over to his pack and finds the orb exactly where he had found it the first time, rolling it out onto the bed once again. He takes another sip from his whiskey.

They both hear the voice coming from both orbs say *"Aren't you worried about your sister Vera? Aren't you worried about your daughter Radiant?"* Batthwack asks Will if the orb is talking to him and when Will says he doesn't have a daughter and asks who Radiant is, Batthwack seems to deflect. The voice, still emanating from both orbs, says *"Just break me,"* but Will's not entertaining that idea for one second. Batthwack asks about Vera, and Will also deflects, saying that Batthwack already knows about his sister Madelyn.

Will eyes the ball in front of Batthwack, but Batthwack spots this and picks it up before Will can. They're accusing each other of making deals with orbs when in bursts Raphina from the bedroom, and Gwen from the hall. They demand to know what's going on. Batthwack, having heard the voice from two sources, asks if Will has an orb of his own. He admits that he does and leaps to his own defence, explaining that he hasn't made any deals and was only holding onto it because he had hoped someone magical in Beartoggle might have been able to help. The orb says *"Will's been carrying me around for days,"* and everyone hears both voices.

Will tells the others about the whip crack sound and Batthwack starts to raise the ball in his hand, looking somewhat indecisive. He says *"All we need to do is break this and you can have your sister back."* Will says that breaking it would be a bad idea; whatever it is is trapped in there and wants to get out. Gwen's confused. Will does his best to distract from the orb he's carrying, telling her that Batthwack's orb is the one he'd pretended to enchant to comfort Yeska, but later it had seemed to contain real magic. The orb voices suddenly speak out again, *"Aren't you worried about your mother Millie? Aren't you worried about your wife Altiyde?"*

Will flies into a rage at the mention of his mother and taking advantage of the confusion, Raphina steps up to Will and reaches boldly into his pockets. *"Don't mind me I'm pickpocketing you. A bug told me to! I'm going to try to pick pocket you, and I want that!"* she announces loudly. She's unable to grab anything. Will backs away and Gwen steps forward to hold him, which really disturbs him. They hear the voice implore them once again to break the orb. Everyone's been focused on Will but they turn and see Batthwack holding the orb aloft, gripping it tightly. *"It would be so easy Will. And then we could see them all."* Will can't believe what he's hearing. Raphina's voice takes on a sudden calmness. *"Batthwack, please put it down gently."* Gwen says she doesn't know what's going on, but implores him to not break it.

There's a silence that seems to last an eternity. Suddenly, Batthwack yells, raises his hand and then smashes his shotglass on the ground, before throwing the orb out of the window again. Fearing it will break, Will hurriedly casts *Mage Hand* to try and catch it, but ends up swatting Batthwack on the cheek instead and they hear a sploosh in the distance as the orb plunges into the river again. With Will distracted, Raphina has another attempt at pickpocketing him, and this time succeeds, finding herself in possession of his swirly orb. She doesn't want to reveal what she's done until things have calmed down, so quietly pockets it.

The room is now quiet, the orbs' voices having apparently been silenced. Batthwack checks his pack, the orb hasn't returned yet. He sits down on the floor, his head resting on his crossed arms. Will looks out the window and can't see anything floating in the river in the darkness. He pats his pocket and discovers his own orb is missing. Raphina says *"What's wrong Will?"* in an obviously sing-song kind of way. They suddenly notice Gwen's new crystals shooting out at random intervals from underneath her scales, all over her body. She's reassuring them all that she's fine when she notices that her claws are now purple amethyst crystals.

Will is convinced that this is all connected, but Gwen denies making any deals with glass balls, saying her only deal was with Moondreamer, who has now vanished and can't be contacted. The doors burst open and in runs Sheemie. *"Guys, I have terrible news! The race starts at seven in the morning!"* Everyone seems surprisingly unfazed by this. Gwen wants to know what's going on. Batthwack explains again what happened, insisting that he acted only out of a desire to protect Will, despite their agreement that he would come and find Will if any more dark powers showed up. Batthwack says that they're way out of their league and really need the help of the Aeonian Anglerfish. Gwen agrees that the gods could help. *"It sounds like somehow you brought the dark powers here to Six Rivers. And we probably should do something about that."*

Will says he had been hoping to find help on dry land, saying that he's heard of giant fish in the Bufflin River in Tivoli, carp that have eaten things disposed in the river and have grown to enormous sizes, that can eat an entire human body. It's not clear if he means people are disposing of bodies in the river and the party wonder where he would learn such a thing. Raphina gets back on the luggage rack and pretends to sleep. Batthwack suddenly sits back up and smiles. He gets a new glass, pours another shot, and taking a sip he turns back around to look at everybody. He has apparently come to terms with something that he's been quietly thinking about. Maybe it's not the end of the world.

Raphina reminds them that Sheemie needs to go to sleep and he's says he'll take Will's room. *"I've got the key!"* he says. Will is so not taking any more if this, and blank-faced, grabs Sheemie and starts going through his pockets, eventually finding that Sheemie hasn't taken the key after all. Sheemie's laughing.

Batthwack promises Will that he didn't make any deals and kept up his end of their bargain. It seems genuine to Will. Batthwack's concerned about how much this entity new about Will. Will sighs as he realises he can't deny it any longer, what they've all been thinking, that this entity is the Swirly Man. Gwen asks whether he was one of the dark powers. That's what Will assumes, although Swirly was all tied up with Madam Eva, who in turn was tied up with the Amber Temple.  Will gives a brief history of how he met the Swirly Man and how he was forced into a deal to avoid being murdered. Batthwack reminds them that later, several of them willingly made deals with dark powers. It starts with a gift that you think you can use for good, but then you find there's more to it than that.

Gwen starts to feel doubtful about her relationship with Moondreamer, realising there are some parallels between them and the Swirly Man. Will finds the idea that she might have inadvertently signed up with a dark power absolutely hilarious and roars with laughter. Gwen isn't laughing. Will slowly realises that he's the only one finding that funny. Batthwack says *"I think we're so small. We're just playthings."* Will, no longer laughing, asks for a drink and Batthwack pours him one.

Will sighs and says he needs to find an airship and fly home, but Batthwack points out that these gods have been changing their homes. Will realises he's been in denial about that. What if, when he gets home, Tivoli isn't the way he left it? What might he come home to? Batthwack sounds defeated, but Gwen tries to encourage everyone, saying that they have to try. *"Yeah, we have to try. But we can't fight them. We have to find something else that can,"* says Batthwack.

Sheemie agrees with Gwen and seems more enthusiastic. *"Come on guys. They're no match for us. Because we're ... what's our name?"* Raphina from her bed suggests *"Sheemie and the Shim Shams."* Will doesn't want to name the group, and if he did, he wouldn't name it after the new guy. Raphina tries to reassure Gwen that this is Will's way of saying he loves them. Sheemie says he's turning in and reminds them that the race starts at 7am. He lies down on the couch, and is asleep almost immediately.

## Trivia

* The episode title comes from the moment when Batthwack is holding the glass orb over his head, threatening to smash it. The group plead with him not to do it. There's a long pause while Batthwack considers what to do... Alex: *"Batthwack yells and then smashes..."* KT: <gasps> *"NO!"* Alex: *"...his shot glass on the ground and throws the orb out the window... again."*
* This week's episode description describes the Pork Fried Dice wiki as: congenial.

## References

1. ↑ Batthwack bought his card stock and pen at Crumplemeyer's Stationary Supplies in Morrow's Inlet. See episode 197: He's a Lot Nicer To Us When He's Pretending He's a Terrible Person
2. ↑ See episode 232: Shoulda Bit Him in the Taint
3. ↑ See episode 28: The Fifth Pope of London
4. ↑ See episode 125: I Can't Believe I Complain How Slow Battles Are
5. ↑ KT: *"Will has such a problem with touch. This is deep into his character writing. Will does not like that."*
6. ↑ See episode 242: Tones of Loam
7. ↑ Madam Eva admitted that she was the Swirly Man, but also that she had been granted dark powers herself. She was then killed by Lank, but maybe the dark power that inhabited her somehow endured... See episode 163: Physician, Heal Thyself
8. ↑ See episode 1: This is Nowhere Near the Staggering Unicorn
9. ↑ See episodes 115: Sarcopha-guy through 120: We Have to Defeat Batthwack Now