The Magic Railroad Parody/Transcript

## The Island of Sodor

* Junior (Narrating): Hullo, I'm Mr. Conductor. Uhh...Junior. They couldn't get the other guy. And I going to tell you a story right now. I'd like to introduce you to my good friend, Thomas. And yes! He happens to be a large wooden train with a face pulled on a string. Please don't judge him. This is the Island of Sodor. Where all the engines on the "North Western Railway" work. It's one end of our special universe as some people ("My cousin" in 2019 version) likes to call it. I don't know I don't call it that.

* Gordon: 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47...
* Thomas: Oh, I see. Practicng your numbers, Gordon. Oh, is that it? What a good engine.
* Gordon: I say...
* Thomas: I honestly a tad shocked you can even count at all. You don't seem like the type of fellow to know his way around numericals.
* Gordon: Ohh, you little...
* Thomas: I suppose I expected too much from an engine who's only "4". (Laugh)
* Gordon: Well, by that logic...(Laugh) By that logic, you'd be "1"! One year old! (Laugh)
* Thomas: You're still on about that? The moment's past, Gordon. Keep up would ya? I'm a busy tank engine.
* Gordon: And a cheeky one too!
* Thomas: Was that?
* Gordon: Didn't say a word.
* Thomas: a, all right well...What are you counting for, anyways?
* Gordon: I was counting how many seconds late you were! My passengers can't be kept waiting, you know. After all, what does that sign say?
* Thomas: Hmm. The "North Western Railway. Really reliable, and right on time".
* Gordon: And you weren't on time, little Thomas!
* Thomas: And you're being bossy, Gordon! The sign also says, "Sorry for the delays during repairs, we making this a better railway". Signed head of the railway, Sir Topham Hatt.

**2019 version only**

* Gordon: I find it amusing that he thinks people still call him by his sunday name!
* Thomas: Once a Fat Controller, always Fat Controller.
* Gordon: Here, Here!

* Thomas: Oh! Um, I must be off. I'm meeting Mr. Conductor. He's taking care of us, while The Fat Controller takes a much needed holiday this week.
* Gordon: Ah, Conductor. I've heard of him. Isn't he the yank that wears that ghastly blue uniform?
* The Guard: Umm...
* Gordon: I mean "Sparkle, sparkle" and all that noise, ridiculous! It's simpy a parlor trick, a teleportating man! The very idea is preposterous I tell you!
* Thomas: Says the talking locomotive!
* Gordon: Fair play, Thomas...All the same, I suspect we could manage on our own. After all, how much could really happen in one week?
* Diesel 10: GET OUT THE MY WAY!!
* Gordon: Ohh, help, police! Murder! What in the blazes was that?
* Thomas: That is a problem. One of the new diesels the Fat Controller brought for a trial run. I call him Diesel 10. From what I hear, He's 10 out of 10 for devious deeds brutal strength in the factory he came from. Really nasty claw he's got him cab too. For "moving timber" they say, likely story.
* Gordon: Pah! Engines like that are nothing but trouble. Must look out of him, wouldn't want to be caught on the wrong end of that claw.
* Thomas: You telling me.
* Gordon: I'm not sure that this Mr. Conductor has in mind of him...but all the same, little Thomas. You must keep your funnel out of matters that don't concern you. We mainline engines will handle this, uh...visitor?
* Thomas: Will do.