Kirk Bartholomew

It's Kirk outside his old Camper Van

Previous:

* Head Taxi Driver (LSCF)
* Vanilla Unicorn Bartender
* Detective Peckerwood (P.I)

## **General Description**

*Kirk is a simple man.*

Kirk has always kept as positive as he can even through stressful or negative situations. While also being positive, he is passionate, loves life, driving and is willing and excited to do anything that will keep himself occupied. Kirk will often always end up in trouble because he isn't afraid of asking to many questions, this is due to Kirk's love of helping people, but also due to the dumbass he is.

## **Origin Story**

Kirk was neglected since the day of his birth and needed to do most of his teachings himself which reflects best in his lack of understanding of many things. His parents left him their house that came with so much debt that Kirk was thrown out of town instantly. His journey through life led him into businesses of fast food, retail, servo, fast food again, jobless for 6 months, dog walker, trolley collector, fast food, fast food manager, fake cop for 2 weeks, jobless for 3 years and then fast food cleaner where he lost all his money. Kirk has issues with being nosy and is always getting involved with the wrong crowd and often finds himself in the crossfire of theft. Eventually after 6 different towns, 4 major cities and 12 farm houses he find himself in a new city.

This new city is where he found Colin Haddock and Ron Taylor. They hired him to be the first driver for Los Santos City Fare taxi company, eventually being promoted to head driver. His time in the city also led to him to explore the private detective lifestyle. Unfortunately the city went into financial crisis and LSCF Taxi company lost all of it's funding. Kirk went insane and ventured of into the forest where he lost all his belongings, his cars and most importantly his Camper Van. After quite a few months of living in the forest Kirk went back into society. He adjusted his jacket, borrowed a new pair of pants, unstuck the hair off his face found a car and drove into Solis City.

## **Solis City**

### **The Beginnings**

Kirk entered the city the high hopes and excitement but soon realised he couldn't live without the safety net of work and money so he went looking for a job. This led to him seeing a Twitter post about the club Vanilla Unicorn needing new bar staff. He saw the opportunity and applied while immediately getting an interview and was given the job on the spot. At the same time he was also offered another job position by Claggy Jones which required him to gather materials. Naïve Kirk saw this as a quick easy money scheme in which could set him for life. Kirk slowly started to make his way into this new business adventure which led to his new club membership. He just had to help borrow some cars that needed repossessing and collect money from the shops which the club owned.

### **A New Path**

During this time Kirk also realised how much he missed helping people when he would drive them around. His concerns towards committing crimes were growing by the second though and Kirk could no longer deny the fact that he is driven to help and give. It wasn't till he bump into Ron Taylor, and old friend from his past, that Kirk twirled into another mental panic about the path he was on. Everything changed few days later While he was at Leah's Garage getting his Car fixed by Andy Cornholder. Kirk was offloading his concerns, worries and unsurety of what he has been doing and luckily Andy Cornholder suggested that Kirk becomes a Lawyer. This sent Kirk and a whole new path of discovery as Kirk realised that his was his new dream and life goal.

### **The Journey To Be A Lawyer**

After self discovery and being told it could be done Kirk set out to be a lawyer. He started by watching hundreds of hours of TV shows and Movies that have some form of Law theme in them and tried to take in all the knowledge he could. Kirk had never felt so smart in his life. The Journey to becoming a lawyer delved further as he took hundreds of Buzzfeed quizzed which led to him finding an advertisement for an online course where he could sit a test to pass the bar. After 63 attempts he passed with 40% and received a digital certificate. Printing it off and running to the Town Hall to prove he passed he discovered that it was all a scam and it meant nothing. With forced confidence Kirk found a suit from the lost and found at Vanilla Unicorn and went straight to the Solis City Town Hall where he did his first formal test to pass to the bar. He panicked and failed horribly. Though Kirk had never sat a formal test he was determined to pass and practice law so he emailed the lawyer and got a new test to sit. Back with his green suit, white shirt and black tie he sat the test again with an absurd amount of confidence and passed. Awaiting his background to pass he has already began gaining 5 clients (one on retainer) and is developing 2 cases.

### **Halloween '22**

Kirk was called by Kayla after being told about a store robbery that just went down. She was taken in and Kirk was called to attend as her Lawyer. However, during the most important time of Kirk's life, while Kayla was in the holding cell a crazy clown appeared. There was a large hint of unsurety of what had transpired but it scared everyone in there. Kirk used that event to call for emotional damages as Kirk was told by Kayla that the clowns made her do it. She still however was charged for breaking custody as she tried to escape as soon as the door opened. This was the beginning of the horrors and terrors that began in this city October '22. The night of Kirk's first blackout in the city was terrifying on for him, the questions and lack of answers made Kirk build a sense of conspiracy to him. After bumping in Ant Chovy, as friend he had begun to be close with after bonding about small cars that carry our luggage and lives, Kirk went with Ant Chovy looking for answers and people as they were seemingly haunted by Zombies and Clowns. Kirk developed a theory that only made sense to him which was a gas leak that must of been caused by power out. Kirk was sure of this and fought nail to the bone on this. Though it was once he arrived at the town hall looking for the Mayor Halle Bez, Kirk discovered this is a city wide catastrophe. Between drinking and intense amount of horrors and terrors he experienced he mind was everywhere. People kept hitting everyone else with baseball bats, everyone was shooting and everything and most of all he was trying hard to hold onto his Gas Leak Theory.

Days later it felt like Kirk was being follower, but without the migraine of Kirk quick hangover turnover rate, Kirk was more clear minded then ever trying to keep James Blonde and Zara together by telling him of his Gas Leak Theory. Matters only got worse as he was convincing more people of the Gas Leak Theory that maybe Kirk was wrong. The thought ponded in his head as everyone gathered singing Kum Ba Yah, he was watching everyone seem so calm but as Kirk watched thing continue around him he started falling through his own conspiracy. A storm brewed and the only thought on his mind is, "What if I was wrong" as he constantly repeats "It's just a gas leak, everything is fine, everything will be fine".

Kirk went back into the city a couple of times after these events. It wasn’t till a week later Kirk applied for a job position at Pop’s Diner. He spent time trying to wind down from all the stress however the sounds and scary nature kept following him, people started to point fingers at Kirk to his attachment to the issue. Kirk mental stability went wild and amongst the chaos hid in the casino for another week, gambling, drinking, vomiting. The end of that week Kirks old friend Claggy asked him to come for a ride. He pitched the idea of Kirk owning a Bar and Kirk liked that idea, amongst the chaos of life Kirk truly believed this was the right path. Things took a turn when Claggy found out that there was another zombie attack and someone was taken. Adrenaline sprung hungover Kirk to life as he and Claggy went to Wenzel then drove straight up to Humane Labs. Events proceeded to which Kirk never believed truly happen.

### **Kirk’s M.I.A.**

After the near death experience Kirk went trailing off into the wood. He believed it would be the safest place to wait for all the attacks to blow over. He was reunited with an old Flame (The Camper Van). He waited till a pack of wolfs left and took back what was rightfully his. Roughly cleaned out what he could and barracked himself in for weeks. Close to months Kirk was gone, keeping up messaging Claggy,

Kirk had a strange dream one night where and elevator nearly killed him and he was saved by a Thor like character that talked to him about his ownership of Tequi-la-la to which Kirk had just sent of a application for by handing a piece of paper to a stranger and paid him $500 to give it to the government. He spoke to this god like stranger in which he showed Kirk around and told him that the place was his. Kirk woke back in his van and decided that his dwelling life is over and drove through the woods in a heroic like fashion killing many things along the way. Kirk made it back to the city and is in slow progression to take back the city and make a positive impact. On the day of his return he bumped into the judge who offered to interview him and Kirk made such an impression he was given the job on the spot and got the official license to be a Lawyer. Though Kirk was worried he won’t make the right choices and is concerned if he can actually be a Lawyer after loosing his mentality while in the forest.

### **Return of the Kirk**

Kirk returned without a plan or passion. He has spent his many weeks meeting new people and catching up with old friends. His can-do attitude can be directly correlated with the free spirit he gained in the forest. He found the keys to Tequi-la-la and ventured inside looking at it's potential. He set up a small menu to see how it would look and he loved it however soon realised he didn't have workers. So no he is on the prowl for new employees to hire but with zero luck he hasn't been successful. Kirk has been spending his days over by Bean Machine which has become the social hub of the city with all the Christmas theming helping bring a warm spirit to the cold snowy weather that has affected Solis City. Kirk has had to really start considering wearing shoes again and opted towards wearing Thongs (flip flops to the people of this city). Scarlet payed PHabulous so Percy can give Kirk a make over as many people are not quite believing Kirk is Lawyer. However, upon Kirks return to the city his advertisements must of made a big impact as his getting calls for the Police Officers like Hailey Bez and Simon Says to represent people who have been put in custody as there Lawyer. During his first two occasions Kirk was able to use his knowledge of bargaining and Law to lower the sentencing of there crime.

## **Additional Information**

### **Likes**

* Buses (They are big, whole and sturdy)
* Rusty Vehicles (It adds character)
* Conspiracy Theories (They believe 95% of them are true)
* Whiskey (It's sooths the soul)

### **Dislikes**

* Guns (He will run from them on site)
* Identity Theft (His identity has been copies 3 times)
* Physical Pain (It's Discomforting and they like comfort)

### **Fun Facts**

* 95% of the times Kirk needs Medical Attention it is because he forgot to eat or drink.
* If Kirk has gone missing for a few weeks his most likely lost in the Forest.
* Kirk rarely changes clothes because Kirk can't afford new clothes.
* Kirk found his suit from Vanilla Unicorns lost and found bin

## **Quotes**

*"It's Kirk"*

*"I Don't Know What Happen"*

*"So you've been selling Aquarium Rocks?"*

## **Kirk's Photo Wall**

Forest Kirk Passed OutKirk Thinking About LifeKirk and Cleetus FishingIt's Kirk at LawKirk at Law Advert