4: Close Encounters of the Durst Kind

## Summary

Our heros, concerned that Baby Walter might not be a real baby, search the house for family portraits. Lamora plays sheet music on a harpsichord (that might have said 'Casio' on the side), and secret doors open elsewhere in the house. A hidden room in the library contains a Dead & Darted adventurer, and a letter from Strahd reveals the dark mystery of the house - it involves a dead Baby Walter, torture, and ritual sacrifices (confirmed! Mr Durst is a douchbag). A spiral staircase hidden in the attic descends to a dungeon, where they are attacked by a grick lurking in the dining hall (what were they eating down here?!).

## Synopsis

### A Reveal Jerry Springer Would Be Proud Of

After a discussion of how all maths (even leveling and hit dice maths) are bad, we remember that our adventurers beat up a nursemaid, discovered a spiral staircase that goes down, down, down, down while examining the dollhouse, and that they spent a short time resting on a balcony.

We learn that a "long rest" might be when Will sleeps with everyone in one bed "back to back" (because it's the best way to keep the warmest), but I'm not sure that's really what a long rest is.

We also learn about "soaking".

(Dear Listener - we learned a lot before our adventurers even left the balcony - soaking, marinating, TPS reports - it might help you in Trivial Pursuit to listen to this part. Or maybe you'll learn a new party trick.)

*"Let us just get right on with it. Shall we?"*

    Will, unsure that Walter is a real baby, decides to go back into the house and look for a baby in the portraits. Nick decides they should all stick together, and Mydhryn agrees that splitting the party up is never a really good idea. They all return to the second floor (area "3" on the map, where they fought the armor). A large portrait above the fireplace (to the North) depicts the entire family - Daddy Durst, Momma Durst, the two young children. Dad appears to be holding what you would guess to be Walter - they actually see a baby there, it is not just a baby-like shape. There is a baby in the portrait.

The party notices that Momma Durst is looking at the baby with slight scorn or disgust. Daddy Durst has a stern expression on his face.

Lamora and Will try to remember anything they might know about the portrait habits of aristocratic families. Do they make digital copies (*"Enhance! Enhance!"* Nick yells)? How often do they make portraits?

Lamora remembers that she knows nothing about paintings and wonders things like, "what's color?" and "how did they make that man sit still in the picture?"

Will, with his diverse background in aristocracies, knows that portraits were usually only commissioned for important events. This portrait was probably made because this baby was born.

*"Hey everybody. So, mommy doesn't look so happy. Daddy kind of looks like a jerk but ya know he kind of looks proud so maybe this baby isn't her baby."*

Lamora reminds the group that the nursemaid screamed *"My Baby!"* right before they re-killed her.

The party wonders if maybe this is a case of "an attempted soaking in the nursemaid". Who does this baby belong to? Is it even a real baby?

While the possessed people contemplate the frequency of portrait painting, Nick decides to explore. Entering the door to the left (facing the fireplace), he finds a room fit for entertaining (area "11" on the map). A fireplace on the south end faces a large harpsicord and a harp. Chairs line the outside of the lushly decorated room. (Dear Listener - We are reminded here that the first and second floor appear new and in use regularly. It was the third and fourth floor that appeared dusty and unused.)

### **Music Can Open Doors You Never Even Imagined**

Nick calls to the group informing them that there is a "piano thing" in the room. They all look at him puzzled. No one has ever seen a piano thing, and certainly has no idea what a Casio keyboard is. *"There's an instrument in here. I know you found that music. I don't know if that has any significance. It was just right outside this door."*

Our adventurers discuss their options - to play the music or not to play the music. They hope this is not the song that animates everything in the house with the armor screaming *"This is the song of my people! Argh!"*.

Will prepares to jump out the window as Lamora plays the music. (Dear Listener - while we do not have an audio clip, you may have heard these tones any time during or after 1977. A hint: 'Have you recently had a close encounter? A close encounter with something unusual?')

Our adventurers hear clunks from two doors as they open - one on the same floor (to the East) and one above them. They all groan. Will recognizes the song and becomes inspired while others in the party are suddenly hungry for mashed potatoes. Should they run away from the sounds or toward them?

Nick points out that the alternative to exploring the doors is the basement, so maybe going toward the sounds is a good diversion. Will asks the demon child voice in his head if he knows anything about the music. Thorn replies, *"Music is fun"*.

*"It is fun. You are right. But, that noise that we heard, did we just wake something up in your creepy house that you have?"* Will replies sharply making Thorn cry yet again.

Mydhryn points out that they are not in a hurry now because they know there is no baby in the house and suggests exploring further because loot is important. Nick agrees and explains that the doors opening as they did would be a strange trap. Mydhryn agrees - what kind of odd trap doesn't trigger while you are in the room? Nick is convinced that the sheet music locks were a clever way to hide something. (Hmmm...did we point out before that Nick might not be the fastest hamster in the wheel?)

Will mentions that people often hide monsters that eat people.

Mydhryn mentions that he used to know a story about some guy in a city that was trying to right some wrongs and things like that. "His name was like BatPerson" and he had a valet who hid his secret stuff. Too bad Mydhryn couldn't share the rest of the story with us. Apparently it was bought up by some large bard consortium...or something...and now he can't play it anymore.

### **Strahd's Epic Poetry**

Nick leads as the group heads to the East door. Will brings up the rear snapping his fingers in an effort to figure out how he did the things that he did earlier. Little sparks fly off his fingers. His clothes keep changing color. A random snozzberry flavor fills his mouth. The rest of the party is oblivious to his prestidigitations.

Our adventurers open the door to reveal the man of the house's study (area "12" on the map). The room has a very large desk, two nice chairs, a fireplace, and many books stuffed into two large bookshelves on the South wall. They notice that one book shelf sticks out slightly from the wall. The other runs along the wall. The desk seems to hold the typical desk stuff - parchment, an inkwell, a paperweight in the shape of a clawed hand (that's strange), and various other desk things. It is a very organized desk.

As Nick enters the room, he notices that one of the bookshelves appears to be ajar, possibly as a result of the music they played earlier. He hopes there is a huge slide on the other side of the bookcase and pushes it, just a little bit. Nick is not startled much by the dead body that falls on him. The body belonged to a standard adventurer. Three poison darts stick out of the dry corpses leathery neck. Nick suspects the darts came from within the chamber and warns the others to tread lightly. (Dear Listener - we have established that Nick may not be the brightest bulb in the pack, but he is rather wise on some occasions)

Will follows Nick into the room going directly to the desk while Mydhryn stands in the center of the room. As Will investigates the desk, he perceives...nothing (but judges Daddy Durst as a poor businessman anyway. He did it all for the nooky.).

Lamora peeks into the secret room behind the bookcase (area "13" on the map). She sees a tiny room with a chest and bookshelves. Nick assumes that the room is guarded and encourages Lamora to throw something into the room to trigger any traps. Lamora athletically whips a large Faerun dictionary into the room and...well...nothing happens.

Mydhryn drags the body of the darted adventurer out of the way, and Nick runs his fingers along the floor near the bookcase doorway looking for a tripwire or trigger. He finds a tile that is slightly offset from the others. Using the lockpicks from his thieves' tools, Nick dexterously locks the tile in place. As long as no one steps on the tile, Nick is convinced the trigger has been disabled.

It should be no surprise to us that Will does not believe him and continues his desk examination. Sitting down, he perceives a key. Will daydreams that this is the 7 inch key to the city! He is convinced that there will be a parade (with a marching band!) for him if he just walks out the front door of this creepy ass house. Alas, it isn't that kind of key. There will be no parade waiting for him. It's just a random iron skeleton key - which he quickly stashes in a pocket (using the old 'yoink and grab' technique). He tells no one.

Lamora, impressed with Nick's trap disabling skills (he is Level 2, after all), steps around the tile and heads toward the chest. Will points out that she is shorter than that human sized, darted adventurer. She should be ok. After picking up the chest and shaking it (to see if she can guess what's inside), she slowly opens the chest revealing books that appear to be tomes of demon / devil worship with titles like, 'How to Summon Demons 101', 'How To Summon Demons For Dummies', and 'Your Devil and You'. Looking over her shoulder, Nick sees 'Chicken Soup For The Possessor's Soul'. Lamora finds a letter next to the books. The broken red seal holds the letters 'S' and 'V'. She opens the letter and reads aloud,

> *"My Most Pathetic Servant,*
>
>
> *I am not the messiah sent to you by the dark powers of this land. I have not come to lead you on a path to immortality. However many souls you have bled on your hidden alter, however many visitors you have tortured in your dungeon, know that you are not the ones who brought me to this beautiful land. You're but worms writhing in my earth. You say that you are cursed, your fortune spent. You abandoned love for madness, took solace in the bosom of another woman, and sired a stillborn son. Cursed by darkness? Of that I have no doubt. Save you from your wretchedness? I think not. I much prefer you as you are.*
>
>
> *Your Dread Lord and Master,*
>
>
>
> *Strahd Von Zarovich"*
>
>

Mydhryn, feeling this could make a great haiku, scribbles furiously. *"Epic poetry is not dead anymore!"*

Nick says, *"That's, uh, some, uh, pleasant correspondence there. We have a pretty good sense of what's, kind of what's going on here. It makes me a little more worried about what we're going to find, uh, downstairs."* He notices that the rest of the books in the hidden room and chest are common versions of demon summoning stuff - like what you could find at Hot Topic - dark and gothic and demony, but not expensive - like if you were to find The Necronomicon at Barnes & Noble.

Will sidles up to the chest curiously. Since he doesn't really know or understand what has happened to him (how did he get these fabulous powers?), he is curious about all these demon books. Will stuffs all of the demon books into his pack while no one is looking, and they all head into the main room deciding to go find the source of the second noise.

Rogues go first, so Nick leads the group toward the attic. While on the third floor, they decide to go into the east room before continuing up to the attic. The door opens on a lavishly furnished, but dusty, room (area "14" on the map). Looking around, they see a café table sitting to the south end of the room with a portrait of a man and his wife nearby. Nick notices some gold and silver trinkets that sit on the dressers. Deciding that the guy is a total douchebag, Nick puts his Lawful Good aside and loots the room. He thinks he found about 150 gold pieces worth of stuff. Will applauds Nick's looting skills and admires the fire place.

The party explores the room finding nothing else of value and heads up to the attic.

### **We Go Up To Go Down, But Should We?**

    As you may recall, coming up from the attic stairs, the kid's room is to the right and a servant's quarters is next on the right. The room to the west is another servant's quarters, and our party explored these rooms earlier.

Will, not lounging on a tiger skin rug downstairs, is actually helping the party peek into the rooms to confirm nothing has changed. He manages to ask the voice in his head (ghost Thorn) if he knows of any secret places the house. Will realizes that Thorn is clearly leading him toward the door that they have not yet explored.

*"We weren't allowed to go in there,"* he says.

Will opens the door revealing a lot of old furniture and other household things covered in sheets (area "15" on the map). It appears to be a storage area. Lamora enters, walking around the furniture. She notices that the furniture is obviously very expensive (each chair is probably a year's worth of wages). It is crazy that this handmade, mahogany furniture is just sitting here collecting dust.

Lamora notices a wall sticking out just a tiny bit more than anything else. She draws the groups attention to it, and Mydhryn pulls the door open to reveal a spiral staircase going down, down, down, down, as far as they can see.

    *"Let's do it!"* Nick says. They head down the dusty stairs coughing as they are hit in the face by a typical misty draft. The go all the way down, passing the main floor and at least another 2 or 3 floors below that. The bottom of the stairs opens into a hallway that has been dug out of the earth. This isn't your typical stone dungeon hallway - the walls are made of hard clay and have been reinforced with wooden beams. The surfaces are irregular and clearly hand dug. It is very dark.

Nick, with his night vision, can see well. Lamora calls for light using her light cantrip. The passageway comes to an end about 10 feet ahead with paths leading off to the right and left. Nick is still leading the group. Will seems concerned with the dark, and says he'll stick with Lamora.

They walk to the end of the passageway. It is too dark to see anything to the right. To the left, they can see a corridor that goes down 5 - 10 feet and takes a right, then ends and goes left. They can see this...somehow...

(Dear Reader - Here is an excellent conversation about the Laws of Physics that involves Nick walking on the ceiling, David Bowie, and walls that eat people. It's Pork Fried Dice!)

Will asks Thorn where the scary things are. Thorn tells Will that everything is scary and that the monster is down there. Will and Thorn finally agree on something - they don't want to be there right now.

Lamora starts to choose the left corridor. We learn that 2 passageways actually open off the corridor - one to the right, and one to the left - not one to the right that then goes left. Physics is restored! (This is why Some Person is always asking for Maps. Do you agree?)

Instead, Lamora goes right, into the dark corridor, mostly because she doesn't want to choose between more passageways going off in multiple directions. The rest of the party follows her. About 20 feet down the hallway, they come to a 4 way intersection - they can go back the way they came; they can take a short, straight passage to the left; they can take a slightly longer, straight passage to the right; or they can go straight ahead into what appears to open into a larger room. So much for not having to decide where to go next!

Will prestidigitates an X on the wall, hoping they won't get lost, and they decide to go straight ahead. Will says he will follow everyone else into the room. Because Will isn't dumb.

### **Who Invited The Grick To Dinner (Or Did The Grick Invite Us)?**

As they enter the dining room (area "16" on the map), our adventurers see a large wooden table. Humanoid bones lye scattered around the floor. Platters and plates on the table also hold bones. Straight across the room, slightly to the right, they see a potential exit. To the left is an alcove, or a hallway, or a closet, or a pantry. Physics is weird.

Nick approaches the alcove and something descends from the ceiling - a "snaky, wormy, Tremory guy" (a grick). It just misses grasping Nick, but does knock him to the ground. Mydhryn rushes to Nick in a rage, punching the Tremory Thing in the face. The monster tries to bite Nick, but misses.

*"Please help me!"* Nick implores.

Lamora throws her Sacred Flames sacredly awry.

Will's Eldritch Blasts only makes a fart noise.

Nick, on his back, is able to roll out from under the grick. He stabs the beast with his rapier while sneaking his short sword in for a second attack. His blades do not go as deeply as he expected. Is this creature's tough hide resistant to Nick's stabby stabs?

Mydhryn punches the beast again while the monster continues to try to attack Nick, but misses.

Lamora's Sacred Flame goes whizzing by, sacredly blessing the wall behind the monster.

Will blasts the beast pushing it back into the alcove wall. Nick rushes forward in an attempt to "stabby stabby" it again. His arm hits the wall and he feels dumb for a minute.

The wall is in the way for Mydhryn as well, and he is unable to land a blow. The monster grabs Mydhryn with one of it's tentacles. Mydhryn falls to the ground unconscious as he is bitten hard by the monster's creepy little beak.

Will makes balloon animals as Lamora's crossbow bolt glances off the wall. Will sends out an Eldritch blast, leaving a lasting mark on the wall behind the monster.

Nick stabs his rapier into the beast causing it to turn towards him. The Grick slaps Nick with it's tentacles while snapping it's beak in the air near Nick's head.

Lamora, confused on what to do next because her attacks have not been landing, decides to heal Mydhryn - who is now feeling a bit better.

Will moves closer and blasts the beast solidly. His Eldritch Blast is a dark, grey, swirly, inky, nasty thing that squirms it's way into the worm and tears it apart. It crackles and explodes chunks of wormy, beaky goodness all over the room leaving a pile of ashes on the floor. Our party is covered in goo, and Will looks temporarily a bit healthier and much more confident. Although he's not sure being covered in all this goo was worth it.

Mydhryn binds his wounds while the rest of our adventurer's clean off the goo. Will can't stop grinning. Yeah! He did that! Woo!

In the alcove, Lamora sees a big pile of bones.

*[TBC...]*

## Quotes

*"I'm a 'Go Getter' in much more normal circumstances. Not in, you know, ghost houses. Well, what would you typically do in this kind of situation?"* - Will explaining his motivation behind his tentative exploration after the darted adventurer is found behind a bookcase.

*"That's why I'm over here, kicking up my heels onto the desk. And you're over there shoving something under a something something."* - Will, skeptical that Nick has actually disabled all of the bookcase door triggers.

*"They are THAT type of book, like 'Which Demon Is Right For You?'"* - Kevin describing the books in the hidden office room.

*"Take the quiz in the back!"* - Eric hoping to find out exactly which demon is right for Nick.

*"I'm Miranda from Sex In The City!"* - KT helping Eric take the quiz.

*"Step on a crack, get a dart in your back."* - An old PFD rhyme.

*"It's very obvious...The laws of physics...This light is a particle and a wave. So, the particle parts make it look like this is a straight shot, and the wave parts make it look all crazy as F\*\*\*."* - Kevin describing a hallway / alcove

## Trivia

* The episode name is a play on the source of Lamora's music (see references below).

## Episode Sponsor

*Main article: The Adverts of Pork Fried Dice*
This episode was brought to you by: **Summoner's Eve** - Because you deserve the freshest spells with the freshest of smells.

## Gallery

*Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice*
The first rule about voices in your head is that no one else hears the voices in your head.

## References

Close Encounters of the Third Kind

In case the hints from above ('you may have heard this any time during or after 1977' and 'Have you recently had a close encounter? A close encounter with something unusual?') and the reference to mashed potatoes did not land, I'm here to tell you that Lamora's sheet music was an iconic sequence of tones heard first in the movie 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind'. If you didn't get this when listening to the episode, then we're going to need you to go watch that movie...right now. We're sorry someone ruined your childhood / early adulthood by leaving this out of your education, but we're here to help fix this disparity. Go on. Go...We'll be here when you get back.