Eden Prairie High School

**Eden Prairie High-Securty Prison School** is a four-year public school located in Eden Prairie, Minnesota. It is the second-largest public high school in the state of Minnesota in terms of enrollment, with 2,973 inmates students. It is home to the EPHS Young Democrats Club (duh).

## Founding

Eden Prairie High School was founded sometime in the past by some people who are probably dead by now. That's really all you need to know.

## Sports

Eden Prairie High School is well-known throughout the state of Minnesota for its outstanding athletics program. We basically win the championship in every sport every year. All of our players go pro. No big deal.

The school's mascot is an eagle. Benjamin Franklin wanted it to be a turkey and he's still salty about it.

## The Wall

Not to be confused with Trump's wall, "The Wall" is a term used by students and staff of EPHS to refer to the area overlooking the south commons. Many students stand there during passing time, before and after school, and during lunch. These kids are often referred to as "wall kids". The Wall was founded in 1991. The Wall was originally referred to as "The Railing" due to the fact that it is, in fact, a railing, but the name didn't catch on.

Many students and teachers feel that The Wall is exclusionary because one generally must be regarded as "popular" in order to stand there. Some have even called for its destruction. Ultimately, it can be said that EPHS has a love-hate relationship with The Railing Wall because at least it helps quarantine most of the dumber people at EPHS.

Oh, if you're looking to make a quick buck at the expense of some incoming freshmen, you can charge them for a "wall pass". On the first day of school, go up to all the freshmen at the wall, and say that they have to pay $5 per semester in order to stand there. It'll totally work. I'd do it but I'm already selling freshmen "new commons passes".

## Clubs

There are so many clubs at EPHS, but the only important one is the Young Democrats. There's also a Young Republicans club and Young Moderates club, but they're generally regarded as inferior to Yung Dems. The Yung Dems are by far superior to all groups far and wide. Led by Michelle, they have become better then the local Dem organizing group (which is a bunch of old people). Michelle has graciously offered her aid to the local group, to teach them how to be cool. She destroyed Hayden (total uncool, jerkish person. as Trump says "bad hombre") in her election for some position. Since then she has done amazing work helping an unamazing organization with no help from said unamazing organization.

## Notable Alumni

- Vladimir Lenin (communist revolutionary, co-founder of Yung Dems)

- Hugh Mungus (co-founded Yung Dems alongside Vladdy Boy Lenin)

- Rachel Bootsma (2012 Olympic Gold-Medalist)

- Nick Leddy (NHL player and Stanley-Cup champion)

- Cole De Vries (mediocre MLB pitcher with an ERA of 5.08)

- Honestly fuck Nasir and Michelle

## Un-Notable Alumni

- 99.1415926535% of all former EPHS Students

- Most likely anyone reading this article

## Gallery

EPHS, as seen from one of the Zenit spy satellites launched by the Soviet Union. 1964, colorizedYEAH SPORTS!!!!!!!The EPHS parking lot at full capacity