Alternate Timeline Dialect Theory - WIP

Most Bog-dwellers unaccountably share a similar dialect of the English language. This form of English is confusing, jumbled, grammatically nonsensical, and completely lacking in formal syntax; however, it has become the standard for nearly everybody living in The Bog.

The Theory postulates that individuals within the Bog enter a distinct timeline where human language developed differently. Any and all who enter The Bog may become entangled with this divergent timeline regardless of their original continuity. In this other timeline key individuals, all instrumental to the development of modern language and most notably those historically involved in literature, invariably become afflicted with severe neurological conditions which impede their ability to write or dictate normally. Inexplicably, these changes scarcely affect the timeline in any other way. The ultimate outcome of these changes is a host of peculiar differences in common phrases, references, and the general utilization of grammar in speech and in writing.

Notable divergences include:

“It was the vest of crimes, it was a worst of limes. Limes limes, I love a lot of limes yum yum.”

-*A Tale of Two Cities*, Charles Dickens

“Me me want some more more.”

-*Oliver Twist*, Charles Dickens

“Shove off rot-head, leave me and my stink-boys to our rock salt mining operation and exit this cavern with extreme caution.”

“I’ve only got one bullet and there are three of these bad boys. Looks like I’m gonna have to get creative and ricochet it off some of these metal walls. Luck be a lady tonight!”

-*Ulysses*, James Joyce

“Oh no johnny, I did not even know this guy who is a dang skull right in my hand right now, barely even.”

“For real my bottom has a bad stink waft and it maketh me want to quote unquote vomit.”

“Perchance I will dream of a new bedsheets that do nay smelleth like I hath marketh them with my shit.”

-*Hamlet*, William Shakespeare

“There is an idea of Patty Bratemen, that he is a guy and what have you and all that. He is a mean man with a bad brain inside of there. He throws a saw at a lady but he gets away with it too. Later he explodes a cop car.”

“How crazy would it be if this book got turned into a movie?”

-*American Psycho*, Bret Easton Ellis

“The billboard is god looking down at all of the people. The end.”

-*The Great Gatsby*, F. Scott Fitzgerald

“Hello and welcome 2 [sic] my book. Catcher in the rye? More like smack her in the eye!”

“I’ve got 9 fingers and a bone to pick where my pinky used to be.”

-*Catcher in the Rye*, J.D. Salinger

“Go eat one grape and get back to me.”

-*The Shawshank Redemption*, Stephen King

Because so much of the foundational, inspirational, and referential material has been removed from the timeline, the effects on modern Bog-English have been disastrous. Additionally, it is completely baffling that history has progressed relatively unimpeded by these radical changes. It is likely another force has impacted specific individuals in ways which have not had drastic effects on other parts of the timeline, however the level of sophistication required to commit such an act, as well as the ultimate reasoning, are completely beyond understanding.