Episode 1/Quotes

## Whom Does Public Order and Morality Serve?

Below is a list of quotes from the first episode of the *Shimoneta* anime series, "Whom Does Public Order and Morality Serve?", which premiered on July 4, 2015.

* **Ayame**: *(as Blue Snow)* FREE COCK AND BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLS!

* **Ayame**: *(as Blue Snow)* Cock-a-doodle-my-pussy! Ha! Nothing beats saying dirty words in public! Except saying them with panties over your face!

* *(Hyouka's face is on Tanukichi's crotch, muffling her speech.)*
* **Hyouka:** May I ask you one thing before you go? *(Tanukichi looks down and yells.)* My theory is that peni...that was close. I'll use euphemisms. I believe a man's cucumber is key to conception. Can you confirm that?

* **Anna**: Are you willing to accept your nomination as intern of the Student Council and help protect public morality at this school?
* **Tanukichi**: Of course, I'll do anything! Thank you for giving me the chance!
* **Ayame**: Wow, you're eager.

* *(The scene is a flashback to one of Blue Snow's attacks on Tokioka Academy. Blue Snow is spreading dirty images as Anna stands by, clueless.)*
* **Anna**: I witnessed one attack. I was right next to her, but I didn't know she was spreading filth because I don't know what filth is! *(Tanukichi appears from below.)*
* **Tanukichi**: I knew Anna's heart was pure but I didn't know it was *this* pure!

* *(Tanukichi and Ayame sit at the Felersio Café to get to learn each other better.)*
* **Tanukichi**: So, uh...why here?
* **Ayame**: This place doesn't get many customers right now so we could talk about anything. I have to admit, Mr. Okuma, your acting was brilliant!
* **Tanukichi**: What?
* **Ayame**: They totally bought your heroic little speech! Just as I thought, you're a boy who knows how to squeeze out the bullshit! *(Tanukichi spits out the water that he was drinking in shock.)* Oh, wow! Ejaculating on my face after four seconds of talking? You really are eager! Now I'm soaking wet. *(Ayame begins to put on her Blue Snow disguise as she says more sexual things.)*
* **Tanukichi**: *(thinking)* What's with all the naughty language? Who talks like that? *(Tanukichi opens his eyes and screams in horror as he sees Ayame in her Blue Snow persona.)* IT'S YOU!
* **Ayame**: That's right. Blue Snow, the dirty-joke terrorist A.K.A. Ayame Kajou, nice to "menstru"! *(Ayame makes a jerking motion with her hand.)*
* **Tanukichi**: Yes, hello? Decency Squad? You have to help me, I'm with a terrorist...
* **Ayame**: *(at the same time as the line above)* Hey, what are you doing?! Stop! *(Ayame leaps across the table and puts Tanukichi in a chokehold.)*
* **Master**: *(offscreen)* Sir, are you ready to order?
* **Tanukichi**: Help! This girl's a terrorist!
* **Master**: I'm well aware of that. Can I start you with a drink?
* **Tanukichi**: Green tea. *(The scene transitions to food on Ayame and Tanukichi's table.)*
* **Ayame**: *(offscreen)* Wait, so that line about you enrolling into Tokioka because you admire Anna was actually true?
* **Tanukichi**: *(offscreen)* Yes, for the millionth time, yes.
* **Ayame**: *(twirling a pair of panties with her finger)* But that's crazy. Isn't your father Zenjuro Okuma, the notorious dirty-joke terrorist?
* **Tanukichi**: I'm nothing like my father. Meeting Anna has changed me completely. I'm a new man! *(Ayame giggles, then laughs.)*
* **Ayame**: Well, that's too bad for you, cowboy, because now that you've unmasked me, I can't *possibly* let you escape! *(continues to laugh)*
* **Tanukichi**: What are you talking about?! You unmasked yourself!

* *(Ayame asks Tanukichi to help her rebel against the government's laws and form the terrorist organization, SOX.)*
* **Ayame**: I think it's a great name, look. The "O" looks just like a butthole!
* **Tanukichi**: SO WHAT?!
* **Ayame**: My god, you're a stick in the mud. You've got a totally amazing name like "Tanukichi" but it's a waste because you've let society domesticate you.
* **Tanukichi**: Leave my name out of this, weirdo!
* **Ayame**: *(flips the whiteboard)* Guess I'll have to explain Japan's historical take on testicles so you can appreciate the name you were given.
* **Tanukichi**: NO THANK YOU!
* **Ayame**: Enlarging a man's nutsack is the rare power of the tanuki, a creature from Japanese folklore unlike any other in the world. You should be proud!
* **Tanukichi**: PROUD OF THAT?!
* **Ayame**: *(crouches to look at Tanukichi's crotch)* Oh, yes! With a name like yours, I can only imagine the size of a twin boys you're lugging around.
* **Tanukichi**: Don't flatter me, I won't join you just 'cause you kiss my bum!
* **Ayame**: Anally kiss?
* **Tanukichi**: NOT WHAT I MEANT!
* **Ayame**: You set me up for dirty jokes without even trying! We're a perfect fit, like two things that fit together in a funny way! *(pause)* You set me up for dirty jokes without even trying! You and I are a perfect fit, like a fist in a brown eye!

* **Ayame**: By the way, I love to slurp cocktails, if you know what I'm sayin'!

* **Tanukichi**: So you're sure you trust your father and he really wasn't guilty?
* **Ayame**: Yes, I'm sure. *(Ayame flips her flip phone and Tanukichi groans.)* Daddy preferred G-MILFs.
* **Tanukichi**: WHAT KIND OF DAD TELLS HIS DAUGHTER THAT?!

* **Ayame**: In normal life, people think I'm a sourpuss, but that's because I can't shout "sour pussy" at the top of my lungs while making in-out hand gestures like my soul yearns to do.
* **Tanukichi**: So that's why you're playing as the terrorist, Blue Snow?
* **Ayame**: Guess so. I can't change who I am, so I decided to change the world instead.

* **Ayame**: Nice try, Tanukichi, but you've got two great, big reasons not to rat me out to the cops. Just like you've got those two... *(flips open her flip phone)* GREAT, BIG TESTICLES!

* **Tanukichi**: Wait a second, who says you're Anna's best friend?
* **Ayame**: I say it with this mouth!
* **Tanukichi**: Well, yeah, you only have one mouth!
* **Ayame**: Hello? Girls have four mouths!

* **Ayame**: There's nothing unhealthy about love, you know, or the burning desire to rub your body all up on hers. It's all pure and natural feelings and they are used to make the world go 'round. *(pause)* Well, you don't have to believe me right away. For now, just build a beautiful world of dirty jokes with me and the rest will come in time.
* **Tanukichi**: Man...THIS IS SERIOUSLY MESSED UP!

* **Student 1**: Hey, did you hear? Word is, if you wear a girl's undergarments, your pe...I mean your tricky stick falls off.
* **Student 2**: Woah, seriously? Because I heard wearing a girl's underthings makes you grow...um, "shmimmery" glands.
* **Student 3**: Guys, did you know if a girl lifts weights, her hair down there turns into a boy pickle?
* **Student 4**: Oh, come on. That doesn't seem credible. *(Scene cuts to Ayame and Tanukichi outside Tokioka.)*
* **Ayame**: That's silly. Obviously, if a girl grows a boy pickle, it's a mutation of her rhymes with "flitoris".

* *(Tanukichi and Ayame stand outside Tokioka on the day of the assembly.)*
* **Tanukichi**: Are we actually doing this?
* **Ayame**: Of course we are, champ. Just remember to put on your game face. *(hands Tanukichi a small pair of panties)* I know, sorry, I haven't worn that pair yet.
* **Tanukichi**: That's not what I'm upset about! *(Ayame shrugs.)*
* **Ayame**: Alright, our rebellion has begun! Now it's time to say goodbye to this boring world where dirty jokes don't exist! FROM THIS POINT ONWARD, THINGS GET TITILLATING!

* **Ayame**: Foreplay's over. Time to go all the way.

* **Binkan-chan**: *(thinking)* What is this feeling? *(Footage of a dam breaking and a volcano erupting plays.)* I'M SO HOT!

* **Tanukichi**: *(thinking)* I'm deceiving the girl that I like the most. So, why is my heart fluttering? This is wrong, I know it is. It's really, *really* bad. So...WHY DOES IT FEEL SO GOOD?!