recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
Seasons - Episode 1: Spring

Art by Cloe Ashton

## Synopsis

"Spring" is the first episode of the Seasons miniseries. It follows a group of hunters on a mission to destroy a nest of monsters called Little Drummer Boys. After the mission, the group takes a rest at the local monster hunter bar—only to find something unexpected waiting for them there.

## Cast and Characters

* Jack David as the Narrator
* Brian Emond as Monty the Spellslinger
* Alex Flanigan as Ezra the Divine
* Xalavier Nelson Jr as Lamar the Crooked
* Jack Packard as Ron the Mundane
* David Rodriguez as The Warrior
* Eve Smith as Cindy the Mundane
* Shannon Strucci as Rodney the Gumshoe
* Aaron Willems as Charlie/August the Spooky
Herbie The Cursed Car

Herbie The Cursed Car art done by Shannon Strucci

The Herbster (Gerry)

Herbert

### Jobs/Positions Held

Super Villain (current)Played himself in the film Herbie Fully Loaded (until he became sentient at which point, since he wasn't a member of SAG, they could no longer employ him)

## Above the Table

### First Appearance

Episode 9: Lending a Hand

> *"HONK"
> -Herbie the Cursed Car, constantly*
>
>

He was just a car, sitting there on the set of Lindsay Lohan's reboot of Herbie the Lovebug, when a witch put a ~~ca~~ put a curse on Lindsay Lohan but instead it hit him: Herbie. And now he just wishes for death because every day with sentience is terrifying because he is a car–HONK! You don't badmouth Tool Boi when he's around.

## Trivia

According to Shannon on twitter, Herbie's main traits are as follows:

* "loud
* always looks out for his friends
* is a car who can turn into a man
* accidentally cursed by a witch who was trying to curse Lindsay Lohan
* this curse gave him sentience, which he hates
* wants to die
* is a supervillain
* says "HONK""
Episode 25: Jodo 2: The Sequel

## Official Synopsis

*After arriving in Bloomingdale, Gerry starts to sweat out metal again. Jodo is back! Join the Fun Bunch as they have a fun afternoon of shopping and mall activities. Will Kim get a giant pretzel? Does Alex recognize that boy? Will Gerry ever stop vomiting up metal people? Can Jodo finally find her place in an infinitely large universe?*
A Little Bird Told Me

A drive-thru fast food restaurant in the city of Heavendale specializing in the widely-banned roasted ortolan. Located on the Narc side of town, A Little Bird Told Me serves a budget-priced facsimilie of the force-fed songbird, constructed out of aggregate parts similar to the McDonald's shaped pork amalgam patty known as the McRib. The restaurant is a popular breakfast indulgence for D.A.Y.C.A.R.E. agents and, somehow, Gerry Gingham.

The roasted songbirds are served in a styofoam container along with a paper hat that enables diners to complete the ortolan dining experience. The napkin is draped over one's head before eating the bird whole. This simulates the traditional method of using a cloth napkin in the same manner. There are several commonly-held beliefs as to why this is done, ranging from enhancing flavor by trapping aromas to the diner attempting to hide their decadent act from the eyes of God.

As of the Episode 19: Link Up the Heavendale location had enhanced its offering by advertising "now with real ortolan."

In Guess That 'Staurant! - Episode 1, Paul reveals the origins of how Gerry came to like A Little Bird Told Me so much.
Cat Dude

Presley Dale was an adult hero working in Heavendale.  He was a member of the team that fought the 4th leg in The Story of Spider Day, in an relatively underpopulated part of town, but ran into some interference by the Cult of the Trampled. Known as Cat Dude, he was a member of The Roaring Trainers.  He was portrayed by Aaron Willems.

Cat Dude is a human that has the powers of an average house cat.

## Appearance

For all appearances, Cat Dude looks completely human in appearance. He has regular teeth and eyes at first glace. He can typically be found glaring at others with distrust or

## History

Not much is known about Cat Dude before the events of the first Spider Day. At some point before the events of Spider Day, Cat Dude joined together with The Zookeeper, Spider Guy, and The Big O, but not much is known of the origins of this super group.

## Abilities

Cat Dude, unlike most other cat-based heroes, Cat Dude looks completely and entirely human. He has been described as "Just an asshole". He can see in the dark, has a good ability to sleep in places where there's light, and is very good at catching bugs. Reportedly, he's the only cat who knows where it's at.

## Spider Day

Cat Dude was stationed at Leg 4, in a less-populated area of town. From the beginning of the battle, Cat Dude did not trust the giant spider, and glared at him accordingly. He was startled by two pods that fell from the sky, but quickly realized that he could make a snack of the four pony-sized spiders that emerged. With some careful acrobatics and some help from a jaguar-shaped Zookeeper, they took care of the four spiders.

After getting a full belly of spiders snack, Cat Dude moved up to an extended balcony about 5 or 6 stories up so he could take a nap. In getting into position, Cat Dude swiped a potted plant off of the edge of the balcony, killing a cultist below.

Due to The Zookeeper turning into a Blue Whale, the building Cat Dude was napping on began crumbling, causing him to fall, but he landed deftly on his feet with his cat-like reflexes. In retaliation, he climbed up onto the top of the building so that he would have a better vantage-point to judge The Zookeeper as hard as he could.

After The Zookeeper transformed into a naked mole rat from being a whale, Cat Dude noticed the rodent about 20 ft in the air. Instinct taking over, Cat Dude lept into the air to make a snack of the creature. As he ripped into his neck, The Zookeeper began to transform back into a human, causing Cat Dude's head to explode from the force, killing him.

## The Real Story of Spider Day

Cat Dude will be appearing in Spider Day 2: The Real Story of Spider Day.

## Trivia

* Cat Dude is portrayed by Aaron Willems, player on The Roaring Trainers, a pokemon 5E actual play podcast set in Kantoh in the jazz age. The group came up with The Roaring Trainers team as a nod to their show.
The Story of Spider Day

## Official Synopsis

*Spider Day, April 17th, is a day of remembrance for all the brave souls that fought the first giant spider that attacked Heavendale.*

*Although ultimately, it was the second, larger spider that destroyed the first, we still honor the brave heroes that gave their lives fighting that first spider.*

*Gather around the Spider Day Bush with Mayor Jonah Jackson this Spider Day for the annual reading of the Battle of Spider Day story to the 3rd grade class of Wallace H. Dale Elementary.*
Episode 9: Lending a Hand

## Official Synopsis

*The Fun Bunch finds themselves in some hot water as they try to figure out what's going on at school and why Gerry is getting texts from his dealer. Can Gerry manage to go a whole episode without getting punched? Will Alex turn to a life of crime? Can Kim get the hand of her mentor back? Find out maybe none of this in Episode 9: Lending a Hand!*
Episode 35: 2 Wet 2 Pins

## Official Synopsis

*The Fun Bunch has beaten all odds and set out with a plan and completed it! Now, let's see if they can follow through! Will Kim be able to get a cathartic talk out of these circumstances? Can Alex stop beaming with pride over Brantley being part of the gang? Will Gerry finally be able to parallel park the nut van? Find out what happens in the newest episode of Critical Bits!*
Peebs Reads

Peebs Reads is the most popular show on Heavendale's #1 public access channel.

It is hosted by a mysterious--and very hot and sexy--woman who only goes by the name Peebs.

Rumor says she is the aunt of Rebecca S. Peebs, the most popular girl at Wallace H. Dale High. Another rumor says these two Peebses have another relative named Captain Peebs, a ship captain with a hook for a hand who wears yellow raincoats.

I guess Jack was there too, but they died.
Seasons - Episode 6: The End

## Synopsis

"The End" is the sixth and final episode of the Seasons miniseries.

They know what they're dealing with now.

What they do with that knowledge is up to them.

## Cast and Characters

* Danielle Bryn as Charles the Big Game Hunter
* Cole Burkhardt as Imagine the Divine
* Paul Byron as Harold the Monstrous
* Kyle Claset as Kurt the Mundane
* Jack David as the Narrator
* Alex Flanigan as Ezra the Divine
* Brandon Leon Gambetta as Lope the Wronged
* Taylor Johnson as Winston the Spooky
* Shelby Lee as Chet the Flake
* Jack Packard as Ron the Mundane
* Renee Roads as Julianne the Chosen
* Eve Smith as Cindy the Mundane
* Shannon Strucci as Rodney the Gumshoe
* Patrick Tracy as Conrad the Expert
* Dallas Wheatley as Alice the Expert
* Aaron Willems as Charlie/August the Spooky
Seasons - Episode 4: Winter

Art by Cloe Ashton

## Synopsis

"Winter" is the fourth episode of the Seasons miniseries. It follows the fourth and final group of monster hunters doing... well, not much of anything. They hang out at an internet café, order pizza, play video games, and that's about it. Man, what a boring night. If only something out of the ordinary would liven things up a little...

## Cast and Characters

* Danielle Bryn as Charles the Big Game Hunter
* Cole Burkhardt as Imagine the Divine
* Jack David as the Narrator
* Brian Emond as Monty the Spellslinger
* Alex Flanigan as Ezra the Divine
* Taylor Johnson as Winston the Spooky
* Shelby Lee as Chet the Flake
* Adam Legrave as The Undecided
* Jack Packard as Ron the Mundane
Spare Parts

> *"You guys don't seem that great at planning."
> -Spare Parts, accurately describing The Fun Bunch*
>
>

Spare Parts is a member of the super villain group The Mechanics. She does the tech work for the group using her technopathy powers. She is fairly quiet and is usually preoccupied with whatever gadget she is working on.

## History

Nothing is known about Spare Part's life before she joined The Mechanics.

She along with most of the rest of The Mechanics were introduced in Episode 9: Lending a Hand.

## Abilities

Spare parts is a technopath and she is able to program AI versions of her own consciousness to do specific tasks. Examples include (SPOILERS for Episode 11: Protocol-B and Episode 25: Jodo 2: The Sequel): a hacking device that she gave to The Fun Bunch for their heist into the D.E.T.E.N.T.I.O.N. headquarters, and a device that can detect Bad Vibes. She can incorporate these AI into clothing as well, and she and Tool Boi made the high tech super suits for members of The Mechanics and (SPOILERS for Episode 14: Goku \*\*\*\*\* Pills)  Fun Bunch.
Critical Bits

Critical Bits is an actual play comedy roleplaying podcast run by Joel Ruiz . The current main players on the show are Shelby Lee , Paul Byron, and Shannon Strucci. New episodes release every two weeks on Tuesdays.

Currently there is only one main campaign on Critical Bits, tentatively titled The Fun Bunch Saga. Ruiz has stated that there are plans to run further campaigns with new stories, characters, and game systems after this.

The Critical Bits crew also runs other actual play events and livestreams, including Seasons, Pokemon Revolt, Helldale Hornets, and various annual events and streams for Spider Day. Please click on the links for information about these other projects. This page is only about the main campaigns of Critical Bits.
Violet

I think the lowercase q send you Violet Because your Dead forever and q was Hurting to Violet Because She was Running and Violet walks and She Falls down and Hurt her Knee without Blood or even though She Played soccer When Harley Hurts her Harley calls to some one on the Telephone and He goes away until It Rains but the Soocer field was got with Puddles

General info
Appearances
Gallery
Episode 19: Link Up

## Official Synopsis

*With all the information they've gathered, the Fun Bunch knows what they have to do. It's time to get the band back together again. But, in this case, the band is a series of unconnected NPCs they've come in contact with over 18 episodes. And none of them play any music. So, not really a band at all, just kind of them asking other people if they'll help with a plan. You get it though.*
Seasons - Episode 2: Summer

Art by Cloe Ashton

## Synopsis

"Summer" is the second episode of the Seasons miniseries. It follows a second group of monster hunters who attempt to lure a horde of doppelgangers to an abandoned denim store for one last stand. The group gets the confrontation they bargained for and then some.

## Cast and Characters

* Kyle Claset as Kurt the Mundane
* Jack David as the Narrator
* Brian Emond as Monty the Spellslinger
* Xalavier Nelson Jr as Lamar the Crooked
* Renee Roads as Julianne the Chosen
* Bex Shepard as The Guardian
* Patrick Tracy as Conrad the Expert
* Dallas Wheatley as Alice the Expert
* Aaron Willems as Charlie/August the Spooky
The Mechanics

The Mechanics are a car and machinery-themed supervillain group. They are not known for any truly nefarious crimes – just thievery and other types of Saturday morning cartoon villainy. They're not as a rule against more violent methods, that's just not usual style.

Their super villain base is, appropriately, a mechanic's shop named Vinny D's. The logo is Vin Diesel's face stretched out over the Sunny D logo. All attempts at copyright claims have found the client mysteriously imploded.

## Current Members

* The Disruptor
	+ Leader of The Mechanics
* Radio
* Spare Parts
* Tool Boi
* Herbie the Cursed Car
* Lift

## Former Members

* Sam Shrapnel
	+ Left after finding out that on her first solo mission, she'd been assigned to guard someone who was involved in kidnapping kids and teens from around Heavendale.
* Turbo Crook
	+ It's not known why Turbo Crook left.
	+ **SPOILERS for Episode 5: Brunch Factory:**  At the start of the show she is working for DAYCARE/DETENTION at a fairly high ranking position.
	+ As of Episode 13,  she is the head of DETENTION.

*[This page is a stub. Feel free to add to it by clicking the Edit button at the top of the page.]*
Johan Jackson

Johan Jackson was an adult Hero working in Heavendale. He was a member of the team that fought the 6th leg in The Story of Spider Day, protecting the hospital. Johan fought alongside The Rancher and Spell Book. He was portrayed by Jonah M. Jackson.

Known as Nacho Man, Johan had the power to regurgitate sweet sweet nacho cheese.

## Appearance

Johan Jackson is an adult male. Not much is known about his appearance, though one may assume that there is some amount of family resemblance between Johan and Jonah.

## History

Not much is known about Johan Jackson before the events of the first Spider Day. Family is obviously important to Johan, as he speaks highly of his brother Jonah. He and Jonah presumably had a good correspondence, as he left a note on the Mayor's Desk before he left to go and fight the First Spider.

## Abilities

Nacho Man is capable of summoning from his belly seemingly unlimited quantities of nacho cheese, complete with a hint of jalapeno. He also has Tortilla-Chip shurikens, which are actually made of tortilla chips, rendering them fairly useless in actual content.

## Spider Day

Nacho Man was stationed at Leg 6, near Heavendale Hospital. At the start of their combat, Nacho Man tried to weaken the spider by regurgitating an unlimited amount of nacho cheese onto the leg. This served virtually no purpose in combat but filled the area with the scent of cheese with a hint of jalapeno.

During the battle, Nacho man engaged in battle with one of the spiders. In the tussle, he was pinned down on the floor. In an effort to confuse and disorient the spider, he began vomiting up nacho cheese in the spider's face. The spider took this to be a new fun game, and proceeded to vomit up some sort of extremely acidic substance, immediately burning Nacho Man to death.

Johan's last thought was of his younger brother before exploding in a mushroom cloud of nacho cheese.

## The Real Story of Spider Day

Johan Jackson will be appearing in Spider Day 2: The Real Story of Spider Day.

## Trivia

* Johan is portrayed in Spider day by Jonah M. Jackson. He was the third of Jonah's characters in the special episode.
	+ Originally, Jonah was just scheduled to play one character in the game, as well as the added narration in character as Mayor Jonah Jackson.
	+ A few days before Spider Day was to premiere, Joel discovered the audio from another session was corrupt. In an effort to maintain the integrity of the project, Joel asked on the unofficial fan discord server if anyone would be willing to be a last-minute spider. Jonah was one of three people online at the time who was able to record that last-minute game, and thus Johan was born.
* All of the sound effects for Johan's Nacho powers were done by Jonah himself. It is perhaps one of the most disgusting folly work sessions in the history of all time.
Episode 12: All in the Family

## Official Synopsis

*In this episode, the Fun Bunch continues their infiltration of the D.A.Y.C.A.R.E./D.E.T.E.N.T.I.O.N. center as Amantha, Craigory, and VegetaWeedLord420. What will they find in this fascist lair? Will Alex expose them? Does Gerry get punched in the face? Will Kim call her fake sister? Find out in this episode of Critical Bits!*
Tommy Bell

Art by Sorbet

### Status

Dead, but... **SPOILERS (highlight or copy/paste to read):** some of him lives on in the form of Jodo

## Above the Table

### Named After

Friend of the show Tommy Bell

**[ The following page includes major spoilers for Episode 5: Brunch Factory ]**

Tommy Bell was a student at Wallace H. Dale High School and a center lineman for the school football team. Not much is known about him other than that he played football and was friends with his teammate Austin Boyd. He was also a member of Austin's bowling team.

The only time we see Tommy as a regular teen is in episode 2 when he helps Austin to intimidate Gerry and Alex at Wet Pins.

The next time we see him is at Brunch Factory where we learn that his body can transform into liquid metal and shape itself into various bladed and armored forms. Unfortunately, we learn this because Tommy loses control of his powers and starts attacking other patrons at Brunch Factory.

The Fun Bunch confront Tommy and two other teens with out-of-control powers at the restaurant: Pied Piper and Yifram. At one point, Kim tries to stop Tommy's body from shifting forms with her ferrokinesis. She manages to freeze him in a pufferfish-like form, but not before a large shard of his body shoots out and stabs Gerry in the abdomen.

During the battle, Tommy transforms into a gigantic sword. When Austin tries to wield the sword, liquid metal covers him from head to toe, turning him into a "Nightmare from *Soul Calibur*"-esque metal knight creature.

Kim eventually gets Tommy's metal form separated from Austin and discovers that she can fully control Tommy's body. She takes advantage of this and uses Tommy to restrain the Pied Piper. Before the Fun Bunch can calm the out-of-control teens down and turn their powers off, however, Triggus arrives with Turbo Crook and Amac. Amac then uses her telekinesis to force Tommy to slice off his own head with his bladed arms.

At this point, Tommy Bell is dead. However...

**SPOILERS (for Episode 15: Jodo):** The metal shard in Gerry's abdomen is revealed to have transferred a sentient metallic entity into Gerry's body. When this entity first manifests in episode 15, they look like a metallic combination of Gerry and Tommy. Gerry names this entity "Jodo". [x]

It is currently unknown to what degree Tommy did or did not know about Jodo (or if he possibly even *was* Jodo).
Luke Williams

> *"Keep those sleeves short!"
> - Luke Williams*
>
>

Luke Williams is the leader of The Car Heads and one of the coolest teens in Heavendale. As being a Car Head suggests, Luke loves cars.\* He's all about rippin' it and grippin' it, which is definitely a car term because he likes cars and that's how he lives his life, car car car vroom(?) let's go, V8 baby.

His superpower is heat manipulation, which allows him to absorb and redistribute heat energy. This is first demonstrated when he uses his power to cool down an overheated engine.

Luke considers himself a highly sociable person and loves meeting people. This is probably part of what's helped him become so cool in the eyes of his peers.

Like most teens, however, he is also constantly trying to find himself. So if he changes voices and personalities from time to time, it's just because he doesn't have a good centre of where he's coming from (and definitely no other reason). Probably some conflict with his dad he doesn't know how to work out. You know how it goes.

## Trivia

* His main ride is his uncle's old 1978 Camaro, which his cousin (nephew?) was definitely conceived in.
* Luke is a fan of Motörhead. Because of course.
* Carries a lot of heat in the top part of his arms (fun fact: they're called "shoulders"!) For whatever reason, he has not tried using his powers to redistribute this heat.
	+ Unauthorized fan theory: perhaps he knows he can do that but won't because then he wouldn't have an excuse to wear sleeveless shirts all the time. And what kind of Car Head would he be then?
* Loves to give himself and others labels and put them in groups (Car Heads, Drug Heads, respect, respect).
* Is probably well off if he and his friends were able to shop at Gadzooks all the time.

## Footnotes

*\* - May not actually know that much about cars. Might just really like the idea of cars.*
Exit the Gerryverse

Art by Dylan Lockhart

Shannon Strucci as  Country Gerry

## Synopsis

*Join us, and the voices of 16 fans, in this bonus episode! We made this in honor of all of the amazing participation we got during our Sacktober month.*

*Paul, Shelby, and Shannon each play a different Gerry as Joel runs a session that has them trying to find a way back home. There are 16 guest voices all playing a different Gerry.*

## List of Gerries

### Main Cast

* Joel Ruiz as Steampunk Gerry
* Shelby Lee as Gerry with a Gun
* Paul Byron as Gallant Gerry
* Shannon Strucci as Country Gerry

### Fan Voices

* Amy as Mirror Mirror Gerry
* Caleb Pendleton as Borg Gerry
* Cole Golden as Merman Gerry
* David Rodríguez as Katana Gerry
* Dylan Lockhart as Hot Gerry
* Eryn "Cerise" Dearden as Librarian Gerry
* Gabi as Beach Gerry
* Gigi Toledo as Puerto Rican Gerry
* Jake as Polish Gerry
* Kailyn as Long Arm Gerry
* Kari as Nurse Gerry
* Lance Rando as Bard Gerry
* Lucas Duff as Background Voices Gerry
* Lucinda as Ice-Capades Gerry
* Luke as Exiled Gerry
* Rebecca Parks as Cool Gerry

## Theme Song

The opening and ending theme song, "I Am Sad Sack", was created by sisters Kailyn and Kari (Long Arm Gerry and Nurse Gerry respectively) as their final entry for Sacktober 2019. The full song and its accompanying music video can be found here.

## Alternate Version

An alternate version of this episode with Joel's original dialogue for all the Gerries can be found on the Critical Bits Patreon.
Game Room 2: The Return of Game Room

## Synopsis

This is a Critical Bits live show and canon bonus episode. It is currently available only on the Critical Bits Patreon but an audio-only version will be released to the public in the future. It was originally performed live at The Village Theatre in Atlanta, Georgia.

As implied by the title, the episode features the return of the supervillain Game Room (fancy that).
Topshotguitarist

**Topshotguitarist** is a topshotkid who plays the guitar. He is known throughout the universes as a talented guitarist, and never fails to amaze the other topshotkids with his skill.

## Trivia

* Topshotguitarist is straight, and makes fun of those beneath him(homosexuals).
* His favorite genre of music to play is metal, because he is a chad.

* He spent most his life in the confinement of his own basment.
* He doesn't believe that Canadians exist and thinks its a scam to keep us from what the government is really doing with our military.

## Quotes

* *"Bazinga"*
* *"Go home you insignificant toe sucker!"*
* *"What'd you get for a grade on your test?"*
Episode 45: Also The Sentinel

## Official Synopsis

*We rejoin our heroes in the graveyard as an old foe appears. Will Triggus and the Sentinel kill the group? Does Kim get to punch Triggus in the face? Will Alex rekindle her friendship with the Sentinel? Can Gerry make a pun large enough that even god trembles? Find out 33% of this (or more) in today's episode featuring Jack Packard as the Sentinel!*
Seasons - Episode 3: Fall

Art by Cloe Ashton

## Synopsis

"Fall" is the third episode of the Seasons miniseries. It follows a third group of hunters as they track a manticore to a rundown motel and attempt to kill it. However, the manticore's nest proves not to be the only place of interest within the motel.

## Cast and Characters

* Danielle Bryn as Charles the Big Game Hunter
* Paul Byron as Harold the Monstrous
* Jack David as the Narrator
* Brian Emond as Monty the Spellslinger
* Brandon Leon Gambetta as Lope the Wronged
* Taylor Johnson as Winston the Spooky
* Rebecca Parks as The Observer
* Patrick Tracy as Conrad the Expert
* Dallas Wheatley as Alice the Expert
Seasons - Episode 5: The Nexus

Art by Cloe Ashton

## Synopsis

"The Nexus" is the fifth episode of the Seasons miniseries. In this episode, the secrets connecting all the stories we have seen thus far are revealed.

## Cast and Characters

* Jack David as the Narrator
* Brandon Leon Gambetta as Lope the Wronged
* Shelby Lee as Chet the Flake
* Adam Legrave as The Undecided
* Rebecca Parks as The Observer
* Renee Roads as Julianne the Chosen
* David Rodriguez as The Warrior
* Bex Shepard as The Guardian
* Eve Smith as Cindy the Mundane
The Rancher

*"When I need a steer, there's a steer."* - The Rancher

 The Rancher is a hero that fought in the first Spider Day. They can control a Psyonic Lasso and has amazing cow-riding powers. They are also able to summon Steers.

Based on what we know about The Rancher, they also like all manner of roasted meats, as they became very interested when a large-but-not-giant spider was burnt to death. The Rancher also seems like someone very professional, and gets easily irritated with shenanigans.

## Abilities

The Rancher is able to control a Psyonic lasso with their mind, which they use to lasso all manner of creatures. The Rancher also has the power to ride all sorts of cows. The Rancher also has the ability to summon any number of steer.

## Known Steer

* **Barbed-Wire Steer** - huge cow covered in Velcro. Used to drag people who are wearing fabrics able to be grabbed out of a particular area.
* **Armor-Plated Steer** - Bull/armadillo crossover creature. It was created by accident, called a "monstrosity against God"
* **Water-Buffalo Steer** - A creature 4 times the size it should be with a hose for a face. Used to extinguish flames (in theory).

## Spider Day

The Rancher was part of the group tasked with controlling the 6th leg during the attack of the First Spider. When they arrived at the hospital, The Rancher grew quickly exasperated with the two they were fighting alongside. During the battle, the Rancher very easily wrangled one of the spiders using their psyonic lasso, and called upon the Barbed-Wire steer, who was able to bring a few people in the hospital to safety.

He later called upon Armor-Plated Steer to the battle, but that steer didn't do a lot for the fight. While distracted, The Rancher got stabbed in the leg by one of the spiders, sending a poison through his body. In an attempt to help, The Spellbook used a spell that turned the spider on top of him into a wrestling heel.

Just before dying, The Rancher called out for Water-Buffalo in an attempt to stop the hospital from burning, but the Water-Buffalo just ended up running out of the hospital further on fire. The wrestling spider then taps their spider-elbow, and elbow-drops onto The Rancher, crushing their skull.

## The Real Story of Spider Day

The Rancher will return in Spider Day 2: The Real Story of Spider Day.

## Trivia

* A few days before Spider Day was to premiere, Joel discovered the audio from another session was corrupt. In an effort to maintain the integrity of the project, Joel asked on the unofficial fan discord server if anyone would be willing to be a last-minute spider. Jack was one of three people online at the time who was able to record that last-minute game.
Michael Douglas

### Status

??? **SPOILERS (highlight or copy/paste to read):** Yeah, Word of God says he's super dead

## Above the Table

### Named After

The actor Michael Douglas (suggested by Grahamm Edwards

Michael Douglas is a hot dog and corn dog vendor in the city of Heavendale. His stand is set up at the local drag strip. He does his best business on Saturdays when all the teen Car Heads come out to watch the races. He sells a lot of dogs, lot of sodas. Good times.

Known for being a chill and upbeat guy. Any signs of nervousness (especially on Saturdays) would be a big sign that something is wrong with him. Likewise, any offers of free dogs (especially on Saturdays) would also be a red flag.

## Appearance

Michael Douglas does not actually look like the actor Michael Douglas. He's just named that. So stop asking.
Episode 31: Death Blender

## Official Synopsis

*Join the Fun Bunch as they work through their shared trauma and find all new ways to upset their group dynamic! Will Gerry tell more lies this episode? Do Kim and Brantley start a new side-duo? Can Alex stop teleporting all over the place? Find all, or none, of this and more out in the newest episode of, Critical Bits!*

🐍
Matt Glenn

Matt Glenn is a student at Wallace H. Dale High and is the treasurer of the Meteorologist Club (which Alex Finch is also part of). He is also friends with Luke Williams, but they are not enough to hang out regularly.

Matt's first mention in the show is in episode 1, when his name appears on D.A.Y.C.A.R.E.'s creepy list of superpowered teens. It is eventually confirmed that Matt has superpowers, but their exact nature is not revealed until later in the podcast.

Not much is known about Matt's personal life. He spends a lot of time studying and researching, and in his spare time he likes going to the arcade with his friends. Sounds like a dweeb.

In episode 2, he goes to the Saturday drag race after getting a text from Luke to come watch. In the chaos of the explosion on the track, Matt appears to literally vanish in the crowd.

## Trivia

* Likes Saturday morning cartoons.
* In episode 2, he says he's going to go stare at the sun after the drag race?? Matt please be careful, that's not good for you, hun.
* Thinks Alex and Kim are "fuckin' weird" after the drag race, given that Kim started yelling out of nowhere and both she and Alex started talking about him behind his back. No, literally—they stepped five feet away and talked at normal levels like he couldn't still hear him. Rude.
The Fun Bunch Goes to ConDale

## Synopsis

This is a Critical Bits live show and **non-canon** bonus episode. It is currently available only on the Critical Bits Patreon. It was originally performed live at ConNooga 2020 in Chattanooga, Tennessee.

This episode is about the Fun Bunch attending a geek convention in Heavendale. It is considered non-canon due to its blatant disregard for logic and human life.
Nurse Kari

Nurse Kari is the school nurse at Wallace H. Dale High. She is not particularly bad at her job, though she does organize a pool among the staff betting on what day teens will get beat up.

In Episode 9: Lending a Hand, we meet Nurse Kari and learn that she has some manner of ability to assist the students as she assists Gerry after he was beat up. We also learn that she is not above bribing students to get beat up so that she can win the pool.

In Episode 16: Neutral Grounds, Nurse Kari becomes very disheartened that Gerry got knocked unconscious. This is later revealed to be due to Caseman winning the teen beat-up pool, as he had recently changed his wager to that day. It is shown that Nurse Kari displays some level of competence at her job, as she assists Alex in the wake of her panic attack.

## Appearance

Kari is an adult female of undetermined age. Presumably, she wears scrubs or other such nurse-like clothing.

## History

Not much is known about Kari before the events of the podcast began. At some point, it can be assumed she went to some form of higher education to qualify her to be the only nurse at the school.

## Abilities

Kari has no known hero abilities. She may have some power related to nursing as many of the staff of the high school seem to have relating powers, but this has never been confirmed.

## Trivia

* Best Assistant Ever Kailyn and Nurse Kari are two NPCs named after real-life sisters who are fans of the show.
	+ The two real-life sisters recorded a parody song to the tune of "Build Me Up Buttercup" about their experience listening to Critical Bits.  The song is used as an intro to much of the Patreon-exclusive content.
		- They also wrote and produced the song I am Sad Sack and its accompanying music video, which is a parody of The Monster Mash.
	+ The two sisters have theorized that BAE Kailyn and Nurse Kari, to mirror their real-life inspirations, are in fact sisters as well.  Both grew up in Heavendale with dreams to make the world better, leading one to enter the political sector and one to become a health professional.  It wasn't until they entered the work force and realized the dreariness of living in Heavendale and the lack of impact they had that they became disillusioned with the world and resorted to looking tired all the time and betting on what teens would get beat up first.  This information was presented to creator and GM of the show Joel, and he said something along the lines of "sure, yeah" therefore it is canon.
High Score

### Named After

Technically no one, but clearly is just Matthew Lillard from the 1995 film *Hackers*

> ***"Hack the planet!!"**
> - Jonny Lee Miller as Dade Murphy in the classic 1995 film Hackers*
>
>

It's... it's literally just Matthew Lillard from *Hackers,* y'all.

Not sure what else to say.

Wow, that was an easy page!
The Car Heads

The Car Heads are friends of Luke Williams who all (claim to) love cars. You know they're Car Heads because only the real Car Heads call themselves Car Heads.

The group consists of both boys and girls, all of whom constantly go around posturing about cars and the evils of sleeves. Their iconic muscle shirts say "CAR HEAD FOR LIFE" in giant block text.

The only named member of the group aside from Luke is Bobby, who is Luke's best friend. Not much is known about Bobby other than that he likes cars and that his dad was apparently going to "burn some rubber" at the Saturday drag race.

## Trivia

* The "CAR HEAD FOR LIFE" shirts are from Gadzooks. This means that either Gadzooks still exists in the Critical Bits universe, or the shirts were printed before the chain closed (passed down from Car Parent to Car Child in the years since maybe?).
	+ Regardless, it means that some or all of the Car Heads must be rich kids if they can afford stuff from Gadzooks.
* Bobby is described as having a jacket in his first appearance, which he takes off to reveal his shirt. This must have been more of a warm vest in hindsight, because what Car Head would ever be caught dead in sleeves?
Halloween in Heavendale

## Synopsis

This is a Critical Bits live show and **non-canon** bonus episode. It is currently available only on the Critical Bits Patreon but an audio-only version will be released to the public in the future. It was originally performed live at CreepyCon 2019 in Knoxville, Tennessee.

This episode is about the Fun Bunch celebrating, well, Halloween in Heavendale. It is considered non-canon due to its disregard for any major developments the characters may have experienced between summer and fall.
The Shopkeeper

The Shopkeeper, whose real name is Devon, runs a pawn shop in Heavendale. He is a man in his 50's with red hair and horseshoe baldness.

While he is a known presence in the criminal underworld, The Shopkeeper considers himself a neutral party. He will fence whatever anyone needs regardless of affiliation, including so-called "hot items". His rates are always good too—mainly because he trades not only in cash, but in favors.

## Trivia

* Named after Devon Johnson, a real-life friend of the Critical Bits players who didn't want to be a regular on the podcast. So his punishment is to be an aging, balding version of himself on said podcast.
* Has not actually shown up in the podcast outside of his mention in episode 1 yet.
	+ Word of God confirms he is unlikely to ever show up at this point.
Malaika Crystalsong

Malaika Crystalsong is a pony saytr sorceress being played by Queuevian Ambulance Robots (aka AmRo).

Malaika Crystalsong was born in Everglow to a somewhat unique set of parents: her father was a mineralite pony, her mother human. As such, she was born a bit of both: a pony satyr, with a human upper body, but two furry pony legs and hooves. As per her father’s spiritual tribe, she was also born a mineralite; she has a single shining gemstone embedded in her haunch, instead of a Brand of Destiny.

     Despite having a loving family, ponykind was not the most welcoming of kin. Most ponies cannot tell the difference between humans and any other bipedal race; despite her hooves, fey leanings and mineralite origin, she was less “half-pony” to them and more “hooved human.” The reverse was also true; upon leaving Everglow, she realized that humans often didn’t even recognize that fey ponies even existed. Most were simply regarded as small, odd-colored talking horses (save those of pegasi or unicorn heritage, which harkened immediately to majestic magical beasts). It was, however, easier to pass off her furry legs and fetlocks as a quirk of birth; human metropolis’ saw many races in it’s streets; hooves were the least worrisome of physical traits.

     Given a lack of full recognition by either parent race (despite the wholehearted efforts by both parents), Malaika grew swiftly into a sense of self-sufficiency; relying on others is a luxury to be enjoyed, but never at the expense of providing for your own needs.

The one piece of heritage she cultivates ferociously is her mineralite gemstone. While her father admitted that he never tapped the true potential of his, she was born with an arcane tie to the earth. She adventures now both to strengthen these ties—through extensive exploration of her stoneblood sorcery—and to curry her blood into manifesting the heights of mineralite power.
Nolan Marks

### Status

Alive, but... **SPOILERS (highlight or copy/paste to read):** minorly exploded. He's okay now, but he no longer has a nose.

## Above the Table

### First Appearance

Episode 2: Wet Pins

> *"He CAN smell the future!"
> - Gerry Gingham*
>
>

Nolan Marks is a student at Wallace H. Dale High. At the beginning of the show, not much is known about Nolan other than that he sits behind Alex Finch in Chemistry class and may or may not be associated with noses.

The first mention of Nolan is in episode 1 when his name appears on the creepy D.A.Y.C.A.R.E. list of superpowered teens.

In episode 2, Nolan reveals that he can literally smell the future (*TIME SNIFFER!*).Technically he can pick up on future events through any of his senses—meaning he can also see, hear, touch, and taste the future (oh my). However, the visions come to him strongest through his sense of smell, so this is the sense he relies on for using his powers.

## Trivia

* While his main powers are related to sensing the future, Nolan can also use his nose to sniff out what powers people have.
Austin Boyd

> *"If I'm failing Math, you're not having fun."
> - Austin Boyd*
>
>

Austin Boyd is a student at Wallace H. Dale High. Quoth the GM, he is a six-foot-two "jacked as shit" 17-year-old quarterback. He is also the head of the bowling team as revealed in episode 2. He is often seen hanging out with his jock friends (a.k.a.: his yes men) at the Non-Narc Sonic on Fridays and at Wet Pins on Saturdays. This friend group includes fellow football player and center lineman Tommy Bell.

Not much is known about Austin's personal life other than that he a good athlete and a poor student. He's managed to rope Alex Finch into doing his Math homework for him but refrains from bullying her worse than that for fear of pissing off his weed dealer.

In episode 2, it's revealed that Austin is not as stupid as he appears and is in fact perfectly capable of doing his own homework. He chooses to be stupid because he loves the culture of toxic masculinity encouraged by high school football. He also has no qualms about beating up girls—only with being *seen* beating them up.

## Trivia

* Knows enough about movies to know that people who smugly quote *The Big Lebowski* and say that *Fight Club* is their favorite movie are the *worst*.
* Apparently his dad taught him to drink beer out behind dumpsters. Woof.
Radio

> *"Don't destroy anymore things that we might need."
> -Radio*
>
>

Radio is one of the senior members of The Mechanics. She and The Disruptor have been friends for many years.

## Appearance

Radio has no canon physical description beyond being an adult woman. Her clothes are able to travel with her through radio waves. It is implied that she and The Disruptor are around the same age.

## History

Nothing is known about Radio's life before she joined The Mechanics.

**SPOILERS for Episode 9: Lending a Hand:** Radio first appears after shouting Kim's name from a radio in Gerry's basement and then traveling through the radio waves from The Mechanics' lair into said basement. She then called the rest of The Mechanics over and told Kim The Disruptor has gone missing. Gerry turns her powers off at first but stops after she notices and Kim tells him to stop.

**SPOILERS for Episode 10: The Sentinel and Episode 11: Protocol-B:** Radio and the rest of The Mechanics rescue The Fun Bunch from C.A.R.E. D.A.Y. She then informs them that they've learned The Disruptor is being held at the DETENTION headquarters on the Narc side of Heavendale.

**SPOILERS for Episode 19, Episode 20, and Episode 21:** Radio along with other members of The Mechanics agreed to help The Fun Bunch save prom by pretending to steal the photo booth trucks. When The Fun Bunch's plan went awry, they all had to fight off all the teens who had been BI'd by DETENTION. After prom was saved, The Mechanics left Heavendale to search for The Disruptor's brother Triggus.

**SPOILERS for Episode 25: Jodo 2: The Sequel:** Radio and the rest of the Mechanics get trapped in the Bloomingdale mall while they were searching for Triggus and are rescued by The Fun Bunch and Jodo.

**SPOILERS for Episode 27: ...Prom Then:**  Radio can be seen in the pictures with Dis and Trig with a young Kim (then Heather). It's not known if Radio knows or suspects that Kim and Heather are the same person.

## Abilities

Radio can control and travel through radio waves. She has a special super suit that can travel through radio waves along with her, presumably made by Spare Parts. She can use any radio to listen in to conversations happening near anything that can transmit radio waves.

## Trivia

* Radio is one of the older members of The Mechanics
* She is a bit more serious than the rest of The Mechanics, but she presumably enjoys the shenanigans.
Brantley Finch

Art by Shannon Strucci

> *"It's not my fault they're fuckin' cucks!"
> - Brantley Finch*
>
>

Brantley Finch is the 12-year-old brother of Alex Finch. He spends most of his days playing Fortnite, bragging about his penis size and calling people cucks on the internet. His ability to continuously slam corn dogs and Mountain Dew is legendary.

Despite all his repulsive qualities, he is a valuable ally to the Fun Bunch for his elite hacking skills. At the end of the day he does love his sister too, so that probably counts for something. Maybe.

## Appearance

Brantley's appearance is not described in detail other than having "childhood obesity foooorrrrr sure," and being rather short (even for his age). Official art depicts him as caucasian with brown hair and green eyes, but the players welcome alternate interpretations.

## Trivia

* Brantley was the first character in the show to get a ridiculous name. Joel immediately regretted giving the players so much creative power within his game world.
* Got a microwave in his room for his birthday, which he uses to mass cook his corn dogs and keep them frunning steady.
* His favorite corn dog flavor is honey mustard with extra honey in the mustard.
* His favorite varieties of Mountain Dew are Code Red and a custom mix of half Code Red + half Game Fuel that he calls a "50/50" or a "Jordan Peterson".
* Has a beer helmet for his Mountain Dews.
* Considers Gerry his best friend.
* Apart from Fortnite, Brantley also likes Minecraft and has a replica Minecraft pickaxe made of Lego in his room.
* He also likes anime, the true nail in the coffin of being a terrible person online.
	+ Do NOT touch any of his waifu pillows.
	+ Or figurines.
	+ Or that grimy-looking titty mousepad he uses.
	+ Just don't touch anything in Brantley's room, really.
* Joel's character voice for Brantley started out as a shrill falsetto but gradually shifted to a lower, more nasal voice that sounds more along the lines of "creepy back alley trash gnome".
	+ One can only assume Brantley hit puberty at some point during the story and that's why his voice changed so much. Yes, that's for sure it. Definitely not Joel forgetting the voice.
	+ A possible theory put forward on the Critical Bits Discord server by user bibliophage1025 was that consuming the Goku Boner Pills deepened Brantley's voice.
		- Brantley took the pills in the time between him hacking into the D.A.Y.C.A.R.E. laptop and Alex returning the bloody reassembled Lego Minecraft pickaxe to his room.
		- We know he had taken the pills during this time because in the confrontation between the Fun Bunch and Brantley about them stealing and breaking his beloved pickaxe, he mentions his bloodlust.
		- Brantley's voice is much deeper in this conversation than it was in their first.
		- Ergo; the pills may be the in-universe reason for the voice drop.
			* △
* In a tweet during the 2020 Acetober fanart challenge, the official Critical Bits Twitter confirmed that in canon, Brantley likes music group 98 Degrees.
Summary

Summary of the story so far:

Our intrepid adventurers started their adventure in an office.

~~~

In the last episode of D&D Qe, our adventurers continued their battle in the temple of the Raven Queen. Two of the monks dead, and the other three injured, Geralt finally gave up. Fhar took the paladin down, and Raffy had to step around the corner, where she had a minor panic attack, wondering if they'd done the right thing.

Out of combat, the group was able to take their time to figure out the best way to release the energy stored under the temple. After discussion, the group used one of the swords to break a hole in the barrier. This caused the stored magic to shoot into the sky, where it appeared to disperse high in the atmosphere. Using all his strength, Dawn flew up to check, then began to plummet. Ara and Fhar used their own abilities to ensure he didn't hit the ground at maximum velocity.

Raffy, Dawn, Bresh, and Fhar were all outside seeing to this. After Dawn is caught, Raffy suddenly falls over. Bresh sees something flying at her and manages to dodge the tiny needle. Fhar drops after. Running inside, Bresh attempts to warn the others, as a group of ninja elves strikes. Despite their best efforts, the rest of the group is knocked out.