Nhumerf

File:Nhumerf.jpg

# The Hero's Youth

Nhumerf is a great hero, about whom myths and legends are composed throughout the omniverse. He grew by leaps and bounds and eventually became the strongest man. One day he met a lion, who, unlike all the other lions he met, turned out to be friendly and Nhumerf did not kill him, but made him his pet.

Once he raised a whole mountain and pulled out the ancient sword of King Epimphus, which no hero before him could pull out. This sword gave the skill, bravery and valor of all warriors in the world and its owner became invincible. Nhumerf became proud and challenged the Gods. The first one who came out against Nhumerf was the God Hollezin. With a series of powerful and fast blows, the nimble God quickly beat the clumsy Nhumerf. The gods, offended by the fact that some mortal challenged them, cast a curse on him.

Now misfortunes followed him everywhere. One day he decided to visit his parents, but no one was at home. "Maybe they went to the forest to pick mushrooms", Nhumerf thought. He went into the house and began to wait for them. An hour passed, two, and they still did not come. Then he started to worry. "I think I need to go after them", Nhumerf decided, getting up from the sofa and starting to pack.

The forest was very close to his parent's house, so he got there pretty quickly. The Lower forest looked quite familiar. The maples of the Lower Forest were already tinged with crimson, proudly showing off their new mantle in the light breeze. With nights getting colder, it wouldn’t be long before their cousins down in the Upper Woods joined them. The oaks, being the last to surrender to the season, still stoically wore their dark green coats.

Moving further through the thicket of the forest, he began to feel an insistent tart and disgusting smell, different from the usual smell of balsamic fir here. Continuing to move deeper into the forest, along with the vile smell, he noticed flying black dots in the distance. As he got closer, he realized that they were flies that were flying over something.

— "Apparently, something died", — Nhumerf made such a conclusion, and, approaching even closer, noticed a swarming in the tall, thick grass. In the forest, this is quite a frequent occurrence and Nhumerf already wanted to go the other way, but decided to check it out anyway.

Finally, when he reached the place he noticed and parted the bushes, he saw three wolves eating something. They turned out to be human corpses, which the wolves violently tore and swallowed whole pieces. They finally noticed the huge man and scattered in fear. He examined the incident closer. The corpses were lying next to each other, there were signs of a struggle.

And then it was like a chill went through Nhumerf's skin, chilling him to the bone. He, in absolute shock, recognized his parents in these dead people. He couldn't believe he was actually seeing it with his own eyes. Nhumerf fell to his knees and screamed, not even trying to hold back tears. The trees shook as if a tornado had occurred. He could not recover for some time after what had happened and destroyed everything in his path. The green forest pressed down with its oppressive silence.

But it was impossible to stay here for long. Nhumerf, having found a clearing suitable for the cemetery, buried his parents and left the forest. It was a sad way back, as if Nhumerf's eyes were covered with a veil. For a long time Nhumerf mourned his parents.

# Preparing for the War Against Darkness

3 years have passed. Nhumerf stood on the battlefield among his army of soldiers. He was dressed in a shiny bronze cuirass, a helmet sparkling in the sun; the ancient sword of King Epimphus rested patiently in its sheath, waiting for its hour. The hero had a bow and arrows on his shoulders and a lot of daggers on his belt. In general, he was armed to the teeth. Everything was ready for battle.

The Evil Lord Avarokh, along with his horde of monsters, was going to take over the world and turn everyone into stupid zombies and brainless skeletons. The heroes, including Nhumerf, decided to fight back against him. More than one hundred thousand combat units were assembled for this military task. Rather, no, it was not just a military task. With this term, politicians justify their senseless invasions of other states. And it was literally a war for the possibility of further existence not only of humanity, but of all life on the planet.

Soldiers scurried back and forth, talking impatiently. They were all excited about the upcoming battle. Each of them was ready to contribute to the protection of peace. A little apart from the main mass, there was a small group of people. They were elite soldiers. They looked much more ferocious than ordinary soldiers, were a whole head taller and almost one and a half times wider in the shoulders. Each of these soldiers once fought in the war and is a veteran. They behaved much more seriously than the young recruits. Then there was an even smaller group of people - they were wizards. In their spacious robes and with a gray beard, the magicians looked, of course, less threatening than the hefty men with weapons in their hands, but at the same time they were much more dangerous. Their abilities could make an immeasurable contribution to victory. So, all this formidable force was ready to move at the command of the commander. Nhumerf, who became the head of the army, was already ready to make an encouraging speech.

He was about to start talking, but a messenger came. Nhumerf turned in his direction. He was silent.

— Why don't you report? Or are you dumb?! — Nhumerf barked at him.

— I brought... bad news. The messenger couldn't look him in the eye.

— You'll have to tell me anyway. You know I won't hurt you for just telling the truth.

— Uh... your children... they were found dead in a fire.

There was a deathly silence. The soldiers standing nearby heard the messenger's words and, following a chain reaction, the entire army suddenly fell silent. Nhumerf froze. Many people wanted to comfort him, but no one dared to do so. Anyone who approached him now would be instantly killed.

Suddenly a soothsayer appeared to him.

A soothsayer retold the will of the Gods: "you need to perform 7 labours, and only then the curse will go away".

— What??? Curse?! So the gods did it!!! Nhumerf shouted at him.

With one powerful blow, he crushed the soothsayer's skull.

— I hate the gods! — Nhumerf shouted in rage. You will still be responsible for everything you have done! You took the lives of my children and parents, and now I'm going to kill you all!

After a little thought, Nhumerf came to the decision with horror that he would have to fulfill a number of assignments from the gods he hated. After all, if he tries to kill them right now, the curse will work and everything will not go according to plan. And it is impossible to attack Avarokh now for the same reason. Nhumerf, with great irritation, went to do all the errands.

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# 7 Labours of Nhumerf

### Nhumerf's First Feat

Nhumerf's first labour was not easy: he had to kill the huge dragon Lovnur, which devastated entire villages and cities. The dragon was three-headed and fire-breathing, with shiny scales. With a loud roar, it spewed flames from its three mouths, burning and then eating everything in its path.

Nhumerf was not afraid of the dragon and fired several arrows at him from his bow, but all the arrows were reflected from his armored scales. Lovnur made a retaliatory attack in the form of a jet of flame, but Nhumerf managed to cover himself with a shield. All three hot jets of flame burned his shield. Nhumerf was getting very hot, and it seemed that soon he would come to an end, when suddenly his lion came to the rescue, which bit the dragon by the tail. The Dragon Lovnur roared and tried to throw the lion off its tail. While they were fighting, Nhumerf approached the dragon and cut off his head with a sharp sword, he smashed the second head with a mace, and simply strangled the third.

The defeated dragon fell, and the inhabitants thanked Nhumerf and his lion and gave him gifts.

 File:Nhumerf vs Dragon.jpg
### Nhumerf's Second Labor

Nhumerf's second feat was no less difficult, he had to bring all the escaped cowhormols to King Mondur. These are very rare magical creatures that look like cows with 2 heads, 4 arms and 4 legs that can pass through walls.

For 3 whole months he wandered all over the town, but could not find them in any way.

And finally, for 4 months, he found them. The Cowhormols were scared and did not want to return, and Nhumerf realized that his strength would not help him here. Then he began to calm them down and promised that he would make King Mondur treat them better if he did not want to. They agreed.

Nhumerf returned to King Mondur all his cowhormols and for this King Mondur gave him an amulet as a gift, which gives protection from certain types of magic. Nhumerf thanked King Mondur and went on.

### Nhumerf's Third Labor

Nhumerf's third feat was to defeat the Dark Lord Avarokh. He was an evil king who ruled the town of Nekinomoh. Avarokh plotted evil and decided to overthrow all the Gods and make them his slaves, and pull all the blood out of their children for dark magic rituals. Then Nhumerf gathered an army and went on a campaign.

For 7 days and 7 nights, two armies fought under the walls of Nekimonokh. People and animals died, blood flowed in rivers. And in the end, everyone died, only Nhumerf and Avarokh remained on the battlefield. Nhumerf was badly wounded, he was bleeding from sword cuts, and arrows were sticking out of him. And Avarokh was absolutely unharmed, because he was a powerful wizard who was able to repel any attacks. Turning into a kind of shadow, he was the first to attack - swiftly and deadly. Nhumerf only managed to block Avarokh's attacks with his huge shield, but could not hit him in any way.

The Dark Lord, already anticipating victory, with a sinister grin, began to invoke various spells. He beat Nhumerf with both fire and lightning, but in the end decided to end it by stopping his heart. With a magical instinct, he found Nhumerf's heart and already wanted to crush it from the inside, exploding the chest. In that infinitely brief moment, he looked at his opponent for the last time.

— "He was a worthy opponent for me", — Avarokh thought. But it doesn't matter anymore. Nhumerf's life was already his. Time was his. In a moment of silent rage, he squeezed the space around Nhumerf's heart, but...

Nothing happened. Avarokh stood rooted to the spot, not understanding what was happening. Nhumerf took advantage of the moment and grabbed Avarokh by the neck with his mighty hand, and, with the effort of his hefty biceps, crushed all the bones in his neck. Avarokh fell to the ground with a loud crash. He was still alive and began to summon scorpions, which mercilessly stung the hero. Then Nhumerf cut off his head and crushed his skull with his foot. Only now Avarokh was finished. The scorpions disappeared. Sweat and blood flowed down the mighty body of the hero. He rubbed his forehead and treated the wounds, and then sat down to rest, mentally thanking King Mondur for his amulet.

 File:Dark Lord Avarokh.png

### Nhumerf's Fourth Labor

Some time passed and Nhumerf set off again to perform another feat. He needed to get the Ruby of Idamant. It was the largest and most beautiful ruby measuring 3 meters and weighing 500 million carats.

It once belonged to the God Idamant, but he dropped it from heaven. The ruby fell right into the mouth of the volcano, next to which lived sinister fire demons and terrible two-headed dogs. Nhumerf made a long way, he rode his horse for 2 months, and finally reached the volcano. Lava rivers flowed slowly, powerful lava geysers were pouring out of the ground everywhere. A huge volcano could be seen from afar. It was unbearably hot and Nhumerf wanted to get out of here as soon as possible, but the feat had to be performed.

He was blocked by a long and wide river of lava, which could not be bypassed in any way. The hero did not want to jump into the lava, and then he began to think about how to cross it. Nhumerf collected huge stones, which he began to put right on the riverbed. Having built a kind of bridge, he began to step carefully on the stones so as not to slip and fall into the lava. Finally, he moved to the opposite shore and went on.

But suddenly, along the way, with hellish screams, fire demons rushed at him. They looked like ugly burnt flying heads with wings, sharp teeth and red skin, lava flowed from their mouths, which they tried to pour over the hero. In response, Nhumerf threw boulders at them, but the demons did not die from this and only attacked him with greater fury. The hero had several flasks of water, which he had plenty of. Then he uncorked one of the flasks, simultaneously dodging the fireballs that the demons were throwing at him, and began to spray water on them. With screams of pain, the fire demons scattered in different directions. They were afraid of water, and it obviously caused them unimaginable pain. As a result, they left Nhumerf alone and returned to their abode.

The hero, having reached the volcano, began to climb it. The climb was very steep and it was difficult to hold on, but Nhumerf inexorably moved up. He reached a more gentle slope, when suddenly he was attacked by dogs.

They tried to throw Nhumerf off the volcano and bit with two mouths at once. But the mighty hero withstood the onslaught, killing some dogs with his heavy club, threw others off the mountain, and the rest fled.

And finally he climbed to the very top of the volcano. The whole city was visible from here. And indeed, there was the Ruby of Idamant. Nhumerf thought for a long time how to get it out of there. At first he tried to go down and, having built a bridge, get a ruby, but there were too few stones and they immediately sank into the lava. There was no other choice, and then Nhumerf resorted to the last resort. He pressed down on the rock with all his might. Mighty muscles were stirred up, the earth was shaking, but finally the rocks of the volcano succumbed. A huge crack stretched out and boulders fell to the ground. Lava flowed out along with the ruby.

Nhumerf made another long descent, and finally reached the place where the lava stopped. There lay the beautiful Ruby of Idamant. The hero shouldered a heavy ruby on his strong shoulders and began to return. On the way back, he was again met by demons, but this time they only yelled after him with displeasure, not daring to approach. Nhumerf has reached the magical place that is usually used to deliver something from earth to heaven and back. He put the Ruby of Idamant there and it disappeared, teleporting to its owner.

### Nhumerf's Fifth Labor

Of course, Nhumerf did not stop there, because he had to do 3 more feats. So, he went to perform the fifth feat. This time he had to defeat the Giant Horokont. He lived in a huge ravine and killed everyone who came close. Khorokont was much larger in size than any mountain. The giant was going to put 7 mountains on top of each other to climb to heaven and overthrow the Gods from there. This was probably the most difficult opponent of Nhumerf, so he had to prepare well for a fight with him.

The hero went to the sage Vaynor for advice. The old man said that the Giant is especially vulnerable at night during the full moon, and then sent Nhumerf to the Blacksmith Diamond, who can forge the best weapons to destroy the giants. There wasn't much time left before the full moon, so Nhumerf had to hurry up. He mounted the fastest horse and galloped to the blacksmith's shop. The wind blew up his dark hair, and the hooves of the pacer horse tapped in time with the clanking of the hero's equipment.

A blacksmith's workshop was already visible from afar with a large sign on which the name of the store was written - "The Diligence of the Infator", in honor of the God of Blacksmithing in this world. Nhumerf barely suppressed the nausea that was already rising in his throat.

— Why do many people love the gods so much? Are they really that blind? After all, there is nothing good from them. For the gods, humans are just a tool that they can easily subject to suffering and death. They're just narcissistic, selfish nobodies. And now I have to run their errands. — Nhumerf gritted through his teeth.

Jumping off his horse, the hero went to the door of the workshop and knocked there.

— A voice came: it's open!

He pulled the door handle and it opened. Nhumerf saw a cramped room furnished with various tools and devices for metalworking. A booming sledgehammer was hitting a piece of red-hot steel, gradually giving it shape. Sparks flew in all directions.

— Come in, said the good-natured big man.

Diamond took off his gloves and greeted the newcomer. — Your name is Nhumerf, right?

— Yes, and I need a weapon to defeat the giant that...

— Stop, I already know this part of the story. As you can see, I'm making the weapons you'll need to kill the evil titan. It is incomparably powerful and convenient, said the smith, proud of his work. You've come a little early, he continued, you'd better go to a tavern or somewhere else to sleep now, and the work will be ready in the morning.

— Well, I'll be back tomorrow, Nhumerf drawled in a tired tone and went out the door.

He didn't like inns, so he just lay down on the ground. Nhumerf was looking at the stars, and something was bothering him. Then he got up and decided to see what Diamond was doing and whether he was cheating him. Carefully, so as not to be noticed, he looked out the window and saw a blacksmith working conscientiously. Nhumerf walked around the window for some more time, but eventually went to bed.

The next morning he returned to "The Diligence of the Infator" and the weapon was ready. They were magnificent blades on chains, made of the strongest steel, covered with gold and trimmed with precious stones. The Blood Blades, as he called them, could be invaluable in the fight against the giant, as they could be used to climb right up his huge body and get to vulnerable places.

— I see you've done a very good job, — Nhumerf said contentedly and left him a bag of gold coins.

Diamond wanted to return the gold to him, but the hero had already left with his new death device. After a long journey, Nhumerf finally reached the place where the Giant Khorokont lived. The hero was amazed to see him. He had never met such a large creature. When walking, he caused earthquakes, entire forests toppled over, and his footprints were the size of medium-sized lakes. When Nhumerf began to descend into a huge ravine, to which a ladder was attached, two guards with spears approached him.

— Where are you going? The first guard asked him.

— We guard our giant Khorokont and will not let outsiders in here.

Instead of answering, the hero swung his sword, chopping off the heads of two guards at once. No need to waste time talking to those who protect such an evil creature, Nhumerf told himself.

Suddenly, armored soldiers, armed with maces, swords, axes, bows and many others, ran out from everywhere like ants. There was no choice left. They chose their own fate. Nhumerf was crushing everyone in a rage. Anyone who came within striking distance with a club was immediately killed.

The hero pulled out the sword of King Epimphus. He drew strength from the ancient sword, which gave him the skill and combat of all the warriors in the world. No one could stand in his way.

The soldiers were experienced and trained to fight, but they had never faced such an opponent. Each attacker condemned himself to certain death. Nhumerf was surrounded, and then he hit the ground with his fist, throwing everyone several tens of meters away.

The giant woke up from the noise of the battle. He got up slowly. The mountains shook. Rivers overflowed their banks.

There was a full moon just at that moment, Nhumerf estimated. Finally I will be able to use my brand new deadly Blades of Blood.

The giant Khorokont looked at him and growled. The hero's ears were blocked, but he did not pay attention to this and made a high jump over all the soldiers. Unwinding the blades on the chains, he directed them at the giant's legs and they plunged into him with a dull thud. For Khorokont, it was like a mosquito bite. Nhumerf began to climb up the titan's leg, plunging Blades of Blood into its thick skin. With a hand that was the size of an entire mountain, he tried to swat the hero. He felt a huge weight, bracing himself with his hands, but withstood the onslaught.

Taking advantage of the moment, he plunged the blades into his arm and climbed on top of it. Despite the size of the giant, he was capable of sudden movements and jerked his arm to the side, trying to push the man away from him like an annoying bug. But he clung tightly to his wrist. Then he grabbed him with his fingers, pulled him out of his hand and threw him up with all his strength.

Nhumerf flew, crossed the troposphere, stratosphere, mesosphere, thermosphere, exosphere and continued to fly in space until he landed on a asteroid. The cosmic rock split from such a force of impact. The hero saw the planet from space.

— I knew the earth was round, but no one believed me, he thought with a grin.

Nhumerf took a fragment of an asteroid and jumped back to Earth with it. With a loud crack, he plunged the meteorite into the giant's head. He screamed in pain, his skull cracked. Khorokont ran off blindly, and Nhumerf managed to catch on to his chest. The hero, holding on to his deadly Blade of Blood with one hand, with the other hand thrust the ancient sword of King Epimphus into the giant with force, starting to cut it.

He climbed inside the monster through the hole in the chest that he had made. Finding the Giant's heart, he did not hesitate to hit the organ with his club and sword at the same time, tearing it to pieces. Nhumerf jumped from a height and, thanks to his grouping technique, did not even break his legs.

The Giant Khorokont finally died, and slowly fell in front of the hero with a strong noise. This is how Nhumerf completed his fifth feat.

 File:Nhumerf fights a Giant.jpg
### Nhumerf's Sixth Labor

After defeating the giant, Nhumerf continued on his way. He rummaged through the entrails of the Khorokont, he found a Bon root in its belly. This is the root of a very rare tree, which has an incredibly powerful drowsy effect. The hero, just in case, took the root and put it in a bag, and then went to the sixth feat.

The Demon Melkes went crazy and began manipulating time and reality in a chaotic manner. He had already absorbed many other demons, and continued to increase his power in geometric order. The Man Cursed by the Gods had to stop this atrocity before it was too late. Nhumerf descended into the deepest circles of hell.

The cruel Demon Melkes was already devouring his last brothers and sisters when the hero found him. In a rage they attacked each other. Nhumerf hacked him with the ancient Sword of King Epimphus and the Blades of Blood, and Melkes showered him with various demonic forces, trying to change space-time.

For an hour they fought and all to no avail - their attacks could not cause each other any harm. But suddenly Nhumerf noticed that some artifact gives the demon power. It was Simon's Brain. The hero tried to destroy it, but the demon did not let him do it in any way.

Then the Cursed by the Gods remembered about the Bon Root in his bag. Of all that could be done, he chose a pipe and played this instrument. Melkes' rage gradually subsided and eventually he fell asleep. Then Nhumerf took Simon's Brain from him and along the way took a treasure box. Having ordered the brain to look after the chest, the hero returned back to hell. Now the Demon Melkes was unprotected. With one blow, Nhumerf turned the sleeping evil into nothing.

After getting out of hell, he saw a corpse next to his belongings, which apparently tried to steal treasures. Simon's brain did a great job. Now he has readjusted himself to a new master and granted him immortality, like Gods. He is getting closer to the level of the Gods and is already anticipating revenge.

### Nhumerf's Seventh Labor

The time has come. This is the seventh and last feat to be performed by our hero. Everything comes to an end at some point, and the works of Nhumerf were no exception. And what was his last feat? I think everyone wants to know. But what's the hurry? Why the rush? So much has been done, so far has he come. But what does it matter now? Having completed all the feats, what will the Cursed by the Gods do? What is all this for? He continues to carry out the orders sent down from the gods he hates so much. After all, only then will the curse cease to work. But why should he get rid of the curse? What other failures can happen to him? Nhumerf has nothing to lose. Everything is already lost. Even if, after completing all the feats, he takes revenge on the Gods and kills them all, what will it give? This will not bring his children and parents back to life. So what is he doing all this for? Isn't it easier to just give up? But still there is something that makes the Cursed by the Gods continue to live. What is a feat in general? What unites almost all of his works? The answer is obvious - saving lives. With the exception, of course, of the fourth "feat", where the task was to return the ruby to the narcissistic God Idamant. Yes, nothing will return the lost lives. But new deaths can be avoided. Other people also have children and parents, and like no one else, he understands what their loss means.

There's no way he's going to let that happen to anyone again. A sea monster attacks ships passing by it. Harpoons and other weapons cannot cause him significant damage. So what is Nhumerf waiting for? As always, the hero set off. Arriving at the port, he turned to the potioneer.

— Hello, man, what did you want? — Brin's voice was heard.

— I need something that will allow me to swim underwater for a long time, — Nhumerf said.

— You probably need an underwater breathing potion? 100 gold and it's yours! — Brin answered.

— How dare you demand payment from me?! — Don't you know that I'm going to save people from a sea monster? The Giant Killer got angry.

— Whoa, whoa, take it easy, potion-making is an expensive thing. I can't make potions without the right ingredients. You can get them for me, and then I'll give you a discount, — the potion maker suggested.

Nhumerf started counting his money. He counted 102 gold and 20 silver coins. "Damn it!" — He thought. "I'll have to give him all the money." With great reluctance, the hero poured out 100 gold to the seller and he gave him a potion.

Nhumerf came out of the shop and walked to the water. Uncorking the lid, he smelled the aroma of sage and chamomile. Wincing, the Lion's Friend drank the liquid and dived into the water. The potion really worked and Nhumerf calmly swam in the water, not afraid to suffocate. For a long time he searched for a sea monster. It lived at the bottom of the ocean.

Finally, he found it. The Giant Slayer immediately hurled the Blades of Blood towards the monster and wrapped him in chains. Thousands of tentacles crawled towards him and he methodically chopped them off with his ancient sword. When Nepguru got tired of it, he abruptly rushed forward, swallowing the hero. It was his fatal mistake. Plunging the Sword of King Epimphus into the monster's throat, he twisted it and cut it from the inside.

Finishing off huge enemies in such an extravagant way has already become a tradition for Nhumerf. He crawled out of the belly of the monster and swam out of the water to the shore.