recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
Warhammer 40,000

**Warhammer 40,000** is a science-fiction franchise and tabletop wargame created by Games Workshop. It is a Science Fiction spin-off of GW’s earlier game, Warhammer Fantasy. The franchise serves as the setting for If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device, drawing from decades of lore in both game manuals and published novels, as well as creating its own interpretation of said lore.

This wiki only provides cursory knowledge about the franchise to help understand the story; for more comprehensive information, please consult a dedicated wiki such as Warhammer40K, Lexicanum, or 1d4chan. Characters will only have their most important details described, though some notes are available on the background lore of the franchise.

For a very general overview of the setting, the Emperor himself tells its history in Episode 16: Universal History with Professor Emperor, and Episode 17: Emperor's Excellent Autobiography.

There is also a video introducing the setting created by TTS cast member Garrot, shown below

## Tabletop Game

The tabletop game is centered around various factions fighting for supremacy of the galaxy. Said factions are:

* Imperium of Man
* Chaos
* Eldar
* Dark Eldar
* Orks
* Tau
* Necrons
* Tyranids & Genestealers
* Squats (now defunct)
SpeakerD

**SpeakerD (also known as Randolph Carter)** is a voice actor and writer for *If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device*.

## Characters Voiced

* The Emperor
* Asdrubael Vect
* Inriam's Spectre
* Star Child
* Hammurabi Unferth
* Imperial Fist

## Episodes Written

* Special 5: Just Aeldari Things
* Episode 26 Part 1: Hateful Feud at Khaine's Gate
* Episode 26 Part 2: Fear and Loathing in Commorragh
The Fresh Sorcerer

**The Fresh Sorcerer**, or simply **Fresh**, is a voice actor for *If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device*.

Fresh is mentioned by name in one of the Q&A videos where he offered to read depraved fanfiction as bedtime stories at the Imperial Palace for the Emperor's Centurion. This is in reference to his show Fresh Tales From the Crypt and the Fanoros Fictionomicon.

## Characters Voiced

* Goge Vandire
* Master of the Administratum
* Valjeanus
* Gork & Mork
* Arbitrator
* Skarbrand
* Corvus Corax
* Tempestor Cromwell
* Bloodletters
* Pink Horrors
* Plague Bearers
* Daemonettes
* Aspirant
* Magnar Buckethead
* Bulgo Potatoskin
* Principal Vox-Caster Proprietus

## Episodes Written

* Episode 7: Fabulous Custodes
* Episode 8: Tyranids
* Episode 25: Fiery Family Reunion
* Episode 0: White Scars (Podcast)
Wilford

**Wilford** is an Ultramarines Apothecary of the Deathwatch, who is currently a part of Fyodor Karamazov's Inquisitorial forces.

As an Apothecary, Wilford is constantly concerned about the health of his comrades, insisting they take their vitamins, apply lotions regularly, and don't make any wrong move that'd give them tendenitus. He is far more restrained than his friend Calato when it comes to bloodlust.

## BEHEMOTH Canon

Wilford was part of Inquisitor Kryptman's Kill Team that was present for the discovery of the Tyranids. Wilford constantly complained about his squad-mates' lack of hygiene, as well as his fellow Ultramarine brothers when they refused to assist in wiping out Behemoth when it left Ultramar.

During Hive Fleet Behemoth's attack on Victoria Primus, he survived the "excursion" inside the Tyranid ship, then went on the surface to face the Swarm Lord. In both fights he ended up psychically blasted to the ground. When the Ultramarines finally arrived to save the day, again, he tried to greet Marneus Calgar but the the Chapter Master called him a quitter and left him to play with his Deathwatch pals.

## TTS Canon

Wilford, alongside Calato, were part of the Inquisitorial forces that Magnus the Red had exiled into the Warp, but did not have a speaking role until Episode 26.

Wilford was present at the battle at Khaine's Gate, fighting alongside the rest of his Kill Team against the forces of Chaos. Wilford himself managed to kill one of Epidemius' Plaguebearers (with a single bolt-pistol round), unfortunately this only served to enrage the daemons, who proceeded to swiftly massacre the Deathwatch marines. During the melee Wilford managed to retreat whilst dragging away a vengeful Calato. After the battle at Khaine's Gate, Wilford was one of the only surviving members of the Deathwatch forces in Karamazov's army, the other being Calato.

Wilford entered Commoragh along with the rest of the Inquisition, spending most of his time standing guard with Calato by the now-revealed Kryptman.

## References

1. ↑ BEHEMOTH Trilogy Part 1
2. ↑ BEHEMOTH Trilogy Part 2
3. ↑ Episode 26 Part 1: Hateful Feud at Khaine's Gate
Detective Bruce Norring

> *"It's a rainy night. A shitty night. A bottle of Amasec would be the perfect cure right now. But I need to think clear. I took a sip from my bottle of iron-tasting water and I pondered on this most curious case."*
>
>

**Detective Bruce Norring** is an agent working for the Adeptus Arbites, sent to investigate suspicious activity on Hive World Purgatory. The character was originally created for Karl the Deranged's short called *The Sulviken Horror*.

## TTS Canon

With most of the Inquisition exiled into the Warp, Bruce is given the assignment of investigating possible heretical activity on Purgatory. His investigation leads him to suspect that a local cult is responsible for the kidnapping of the Hive's mayor, but before he can proceed further, he is accosted by a man claiming to represent the new mayor. He knows that he may be walking into a trap, but he sneaks into the mayor's residence and discovers a Genestealer Cult in the building's basement.

With the proof he needed to push the Arbites into action, he tried to escape, but was captured by the Cultists. As he was knocked out, he was granted a horrifying vision of the Tyranid Hivemind. The Genestealer Magus claimed that this was proof that he was a psyker, and this would be an ideal genehost for spreading their infection across the Imperium. Before they could infect him, though, Bruce inadvertently summoned Inquisitor Adrielle Quist, who swiftly eliminated the Genestealers before returning to the Immaterium. Confused and afraid, Bruce simply broke down into hysteria and began laughing, which soon devolved into empty sobs.

## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 The Shadow Over Immateriums
Tyranid Hivemind

> "*HEY GUYS*
>
>

> *ANYONE HUNGRY TODAY?*
>
>

> *BECAUSE WE SURE ARE*"
>
>

The **Tyranid Hivemind** is the collective consciousness of the Tyranid race. It knows only one thing: a complete and insatiable hunger.

## Official Canon

Because every Tyranid is an appendage of the Hive Mind, its power is very vast. Its mere presence can blot out all warp communication, suggesting that it may even be more powerful than the Chaos Gods, though it is entirely single-minded in its purpose of consuming all organic life. Regardless, because of the absolutely simplicity of its desires its likely immune to Chaos corruption.

The Hive Mind constantly learns from its many battles, meaning that the same trick won't work twice against it. It will send out leader organisms called Synapse creatures to control the lesser Tyranids, such as the Swarmlord; without them, the Hivemind's presence weakens and they become disorganized.

## TTS Canon

The Emperor claims to have made psychic contact with the Hivemind, stating that "it is like talking to a herd of hungry sheep; It is unfulfilling, and makes you look like an idiot." Likewise, the Hivemind connected to the Chaos Gods' warpchat using its synaptic mind to tell them that they were going to eat the galaxy (before the connection dropped). The Hivemind also made contact with latent psyker Bruce Norring, in an image that absolutely horrified him to his core. Likewise, Kryptman had also seen the Hivemind when he was psychically attacked by the Norn Queen during the last years of the Hive Fleet Behemoth's assault, describing it as nothing more than "a mouth". The Hivemind had also bore witness to the light that was the birth of the Star-Fyodperor.

## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 Episode 22: Change
2. ↑ Episode 18.5: Atrocious Answers
3. ↑ The Shadow Over Immateriums
4. ↑ BEHEMOTH Trilogy Part 3
Special 7: Space Game Pain

**Special 7: Space Game Pain** is an episode in *If The Emperor had a Text To Speech Device* where several of the main characters play the video game Stellaris and inadvertently recreate events before, during and after the Horus Heresy, with Boy's character becoming the Horus analogue.

## Character Appearances

* The Emperor as The Not-God King Supreme
* Little Kitten as Kitten
* Rogal Dorn as Rogus
* Boy as Boy
* Karstodes as Kockstodes
* Wamuudes as Whammo
* Santodes as Scientist Santodes
* Eldrad as Eldad
* Corvus Corax as Artisan Corags
* Vulkan as Marauder Vulk-Gon
* The Deceiver as The Trustworthy One
* Abducted Chronicler as Curator
* Toastus as Trader Toastus
* The Celestial Shaman Queen (Still with elongated arm) as The Celestial Space Wizard
* Jeff

## Trivia

This episode was made in collaboration with the Stellaris dev team.
Chambre des Secrets (HPPN)

La **Chambre des Secrets** est une partie secrète du château de Poudlard qui aurait été créé par Salazar Serpentard.

## Histoire

Les livres d'histoire disent que la Chambre aurait été construite en secret par Salazar Serpentard pour contenir un monstre capable d'accomplir ses but : purifier la race sorcière en tuant les demi-sang, les cracmols et les nés-moldus.

En vérité, le Serpentard aurait construit la chambre pour protéger l'école en y mettant un basilic qu'il aurait ensorcelé pour être plus intelligent que la normale.
Terrified Guardsman

The **Terrified Guardsman** is a very timid person who shows up in random places and flees from anything terrifying. His appearance is that of a generic Imperial Guardsman outfitted in armor similar to Cadian forces.. He appears in a number of odd places some of which are vast distances from each other and even places where a guardsman would not normally be seen roaming freely.

## Known Sightings [and things scaring him]

* In the Black Cells of the Imperial Palace [Scared by a mechadrendrite mass containing a Billy Bass]
* In the Webway with the Ultramarines [Scared by Calgar's jumping]
* In The Warp with the Bearded Triumvirate [scared by Fyodor]
* With Belisarius Cawl when he unveiled his troopers [Scared by said troopers]
* In the Throne Room while they were playing Fantasy Roleplay [scared by Magnus' response to hearing The Provost Marshal's remark on reading the rules]
* With Magnus and Kitten when they were playing with a Ouija board [scared by planchette's motion]
* On Craftworld Ulthwe [Scared by a statue]
* In Stellaris, charging Boy [Scared whilst doing so, possibly emulating Ollanius Pius]
The Sanguinor

**The Sanguinor** is a mysterious figure that is important to the Blood Angels, who only appears at their most desperate moments.

## Official Canon

The Sanguinor first appeared after the end of the Horus Heresy; he is a mysterious figure who bears a striking resemblence to Sanguinius, and after the battle is over, he returns to the Warp as quickly as he appears from it.

The true nature of the Sanguinor is unknown; some say he is a fragment of Sanguinius, others say he is the manifestation of the Blood Angels' collective grief over their lost Primarch. One other possibility is that he is the Sanguinary Guard Aratron, who served as Sanguinius' herald and was lost in the warp. As with Cypher, there's some uncertainty as to whether or not the same individual has kept the title for the past 10,000 years, or is passed to new individuals over time.

The Sanguinor's existence is controversial among orthodox thinkers in the Imperium, especially Puritan Inquisitors. Due to his connection to the warp and unconfirmed identity, they believe that the Sanguinor is a warp creature, sent either to corrupt the Blood Angels, or is an indication of the Blood Angels' own obsessions.

## TTS Canon

The Sanguinor is discretely in a relationship with Saint Celestine, and the two decided to have some fun by switching roles for a day. So while Celestine rescued a group of Blood Angels from Be'lakor, the Sanguinor rescued some Sisters of Battle. Unfortunately for him, the sisters were none too pleased and began assaulting him immediately, with Celestine having to bail him out.
Valjeanus

**Valjeanus** is a Magos Technicus found on Terra. He is wanted for some undisclosed heresy by Inquisitor Javerticus. He is also a good singer. He is seen again visiting Eternity Gate alongside other tourists led by a tour guide that would become the Abducted Chronicler.

## Trivia

* Valjeanus is a reference to Jean Valjean from the musical *Les Miserables*. His head is Hugh Jackman from the 2012 film of the same name.

## References

1. ↑ Episode 10: Bold and Foolish
2. ↑ Episode 26 Part 2: Fear and Loathing in Commorragh
Yohan Gasmask

**Yohan Gasmask** is a voice actor for *If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device*. He originally wrote and voiced the scene with Lucius the Eternal's first appearance as part of a demo reel with the help of Eliphas the Inheritor, which was eventually incorporated into Episode 18. The scene itself is a direct parody of a Cryaotic video.

## Writing Credits

* Episode 9: Necrons
* Episode 10: Bold and Foolish
* Episode 11: Intervention
* Episode 12: Primarch Pessimism
* Episode 13: The Fifteenth Son
* Episode 14: Greatest of Psykers
* Episode 15: Tau
* Episode 16: Universal History with Professor Emperor
* Episode 17: Emperor's Excellent Autobiography
* Episode 18: Banished Expectations
* Episode 19: Warp Grumbling
* The Slaaneshmas Prologue
* Special 3: The Slaaneshmas Special

## Characters Voiced

* Generic Blanks
* Sexually Depraved Warpsmith
* Ahzek Ahriman
* Blaktoof
* Lucius the Eternal
* Perturabo
* Calato
The Lockwarden

> *"Look - let's be real. Wearing slick, black, gold-trimmed Allarus Terminator armor is just as erogenous as wearing - nothing at all.*😎*"*
>
>

**The Lockwarden** is the shield-captain of the Shadowkeepers of the Adeptus Custodes.

## TTS Canon

As the Shield-Captain of the Shadowkeepers, the Lockwarden's duty is to keep the ancient and forbidden technology (such as a Billy Bass covered in a mass of mechadendrites) hidden beneath the Imperial Palace from ever escaping. In the past, Kitten had apparently last visited the vaults for solace after his breakup with Commander Shadowsun. Kitten is very keen to prevent the Lockwarden from ever bringing up the incident. The Lockwarden, while still wearing his full armor, considers it to be comparable to complete nakedness. He sometimes ends his sentences with a smiley face with sunglasses emoji

Kitten gathered the Lockwarden and his Shadowkeepers to help guide the Mars Delegation on the datascapes of Mars. After engaging in some banter, where he identifies gold-black terminator armor as being just as erogenous as being naked as The Fabulous Custodes, and feels honored at Santodes' venerable presence, the delegation is teleported to the Red Planet.

Reaching the Fabricator-General of Mars, Lockwarden added his deep baritone to the choir of Custodes to convince the Mechanicus Lord to hand over the Proteus Protocol, even holding up an astropath to give The Emperor a call if he needed further proof that they were on a mission from Him on Earth. After being successful in this argument, the Lockwarden shares his comrades' sentiments that, despite their teasing, Kitten is the perfect Captain-General to lead the Custodes. The delegation them departs for the Noctis Labyrinth to retrieve the protocol.

## References

1. ↑ Episode 27: A Cat to Yarn, A Bird to Folly
2. ↑ Episode 27: A Cat to Yarn, A Bird to Folly
3. ↑ Episode 28: Custodian Hustle
Warhammer Fantasy

**Warhammer Fantasy** is Games Workshop’s fantasy counterpart to Warhammer 40,000, predating the latter by several years. The franchise was eventually rebooted and reinvented into Age of Sigmar. The franchise is mentioned multiple times in *If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device*.

## Relation to Warhammer 40,000

According to Official canon, the two universes share the same connection to Chaos, having *most* of the same gods and possibly having the realms of Chaos connected to one another. Each franchise may reference on another as well, where seers in Warhammer Fantasy may receive visions of the 41st millennium, while Imperial Guardsmen may be forced by the Masque of Slaanesh to ride invisible horses like the Knights of Bretonnia. Many of the same races appear in both franchises, such as Orks, Beastmen, Elves, Dwarves, Daemons, etc.

## Relation to TTS

The Warhammer Fantasy universe is connected in many ways to the TTS universe; some characters from Karl the Deranged's series "Ravendil's Quest" make cameos in TTS, such as the NPC character Magnar Buckethead.

* When characters in the Throne Room were playing Magnus’ roleplaying game, their actions were directly affecting the fantasy universe. When Magnus burned up his tome, their role play characters suddenly appeared in the Throne Room.
* Furthermore, Custodisi had been banished to the Fantasy universe, where he had become a warlord of the Ogre Kingdoms. He was desperately trying to find a way to return to the 40k universe, but was defeated by the Player characters.
* The Great Horned Rat appeared during the second anniversary of Slaaneshmas to upstage Slaanesh.
* Malal is originally from the Fantasy universe, though he is referenced as “Malice” in official 40k canon.
* A squad of Ultramarines entered the Fantasy universe to become the newly introduced Stormcast Eternals (aka “Sigmarines”).
* During a "Small Baby Game" of 20 questions between Leman Russ and some Dark Eldar, Russ was able to summon Urist Boatmurdered to torment the Dark Eldar with his insults and eventually kill them.

## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 Special 6: Tabletop Adventures
2. ↑ SLAANESHMAS IS OVER
3. ↑ Episode 14: Greatest of Psykers
Torquemada Coteaz

> *"I have to take my leave now, as I have a movie to shoot. Try not to kill the Emperor for being innocent, or whatever it is you could possibly accuse him of. Su loco puta..."*
>
>

**Torquemada Coteaz** is a Lord Inquisitor of the Ordo Mallaeus.

## Official Canon

Coteaz is one of the most famed and respected Lord Inquisitors of the Ordo Mallaeus, having thousands of agents at his disposal and possessing a wide array of artifacts and gear. He is a staunch puritan who refuses to use the powers of the enemy. Whenever he is not personally leading fellow daemonhunters into battle, he is constantly combing through his intelligence network for signs of a potential Chaos incursion.

## TTS Canon

Torquemada briefly intervenes during Karamazov's attack on the Imperial Palace. He is able to assist by showing off his "personal army build," consisting mainly of barrels full of Jokaero. Insulted by the inanity of the attack, Karamazov claimed to have lost all respect for Torquemada, to which Torquemada replied by claiming he was too busy to continue helping Karamazov as he had a movie to shoot. He does not appear among the Inquisitors trapped in the warp.

## Trivia

* The movie he mentioned in the Episode 17 referred to the fan-made animated movie, The Lord Inquisitor, which has now been removed from YouTube for unknown reasons.
* Torquemada's "personal army build" is a possible reference to this tabletop strategy of arming him with 163 Jokaero.

## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 Episode 17: Emperor's Excellent Autobiography
The Beast

**The Beast** was an Ork warboss that threatened the early Imperium of Man with the single largest war since the Horus Heresy.

## Official Canon

The Beast first appeared in M32 when the Imperium had started To recover from the Horus Heresy. At the time, it’s military power had started to die down, leaving it vulnerable when the Beast and his massive armies attacked. The Beast himself is gigantic, powerful, and extremely cunning, of the same type as the warboss of Ullanor that Horus defeated. The Beast was eventually confronted by Vulkan, during their final battle on Ullanor. Though Vulkan Killed the Beast by pushing him into the Temple Gargant’s reactor; the explosion in turn killed Vulkan.

## TTS Canon

The Beast appears as one of Horus’ allies in the April Fools special.

The Beast is only mentioned indirectly by The Fabulous Custodes when they nervously tried to avoid telling the Emperor about the Beast’s invasion. Vulkan also mentions his battle with the Beast, and how the explosion caused him to become more Orky, perhaps absorbing some of the Beast’s personality.

## References

1. ↑ THE FINAL EPISODE (April Fool's)
2. ↑ Episode 0: White Scars (Podcast)
3. ↑ Episode 25: Fiery Family Reunion
Episode 14: Greatest of Psykers

**Episode 14: Greatest of Psykers** is the 4th episode in the second season of *If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device*.

## Appearances

* The Emperor
* Little Kitten
* Magnus the Red
* Marneus Calgar
* Cato Sicarius
* Uriel Ventris
* Tzeentch
* Nurgle
* Slaanesh
* Khorne
* Isha
* Khaine
* Cegorach
* Ahzek Ahriman
* Malal
* Gork & Mork
* Little Billy
* Iskandar Khayon
Lrak

> *"KEEP DAWDLING ON AND ON YOUR CABLES WE'LL PISS!!"*
>
>

**Lrak** is a member of the Adeptus Custodes. Like some other Custodes, he chooses to shed his armor, but is a different brand of crazy from the Fabulous Custodes.

## TTS Canon

Lrak first appeared alongside the rest of the Custodes when they intervened to kick Fyodor Karamazov out of the Imperial Palace, but had no speaking parts. Lrak later joined Kitten and the rest of his forces for their mission to Mars, where Lrak made his deranged personality known with his crude outbursts.

Lrak threatened the Fabricator-General of Mars with pissing on his cables if he did not give up the location of the Proteus Protocol.

## Quotes

* *"PLEASE send us to FUCking Mars already!! I want to crAWL on the DUnes with my FINGERED NAILS!!!"*
* *"THE MARTIAN WINDS PEELS MY SKINS!"*
* *"HEGH! PISS!"*

## Trivia

* Lrak is Karl backwards.
* Lrak's appearance is based on the original Custodes from 40K 1st edition. His look inspired the Fabulous Custodes.

## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 Episode 28: Custodian Hustle
2. ↑ Episode 11: Intervention
3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 Episode 27: A Cat to Yarn, A Bird to Folly
Warhammer 40,000 disclaimer

**This page is a disclaimer for the If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device Wiki.**This web site is completely unofficial and in no way endorsed by Games Workshop Limited or Fantasy Flight Games.

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Special 3: The Slaaneshmas Special

**Special 3: The Slaaneshmas Special** is the third special episode of *If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device*.

## Appearances

* The Emperor
* Little Kitten
* Magnus the Red
* Rogal Dorn
* Kaldor Draigo
* Ahzek Ahriman
* Lucius the Eternal
* Typhus
* Miriael Sabathiel
* Ecclesiarch Decius XXIII
* Karstodes
* Cyberdong
* Sly Marbo
* Little Billy

## Trivia

At 2:57, Lucius the Eternal can be heard yelling "BITES THE DUST". This is a reference to JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, specifically Bite The Dust, an ability used by the Main Villain that reverses time, and is also associated with a boy screaming.
Squats

> "FEELIN' PRETTY EXISTENT HERE IN YE ORBIT LET'S SEE HOW YER GROUND TREATS US!"
>
>

**Squats** are a race that were playable in first edition of *Warhammer 40,000*, but have since been removed. They were analogous to dwarves, being short abhumans from high-gravity worlds. They have since appeared on and off in canon, with the revised version of the novel Draco by Ian Watson claiming that their worlds were destroyed by the Tyranids. However, some squats are still alive, such as mercenaries featured in the board game Necromunda.

The canonicity of the Squats is played around with in *If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device*. Their ships were seen being eaten by Tyranids in the BEHEMOTH Trilogy, and they now only appear in the Retconnian alongside Malal and Horus' soul. Magnus and the Emperor later confirmed that the squats were eaten by Tyranids while covering the novel Draco. The Emperor off-handedly remarked that he told Roboute Guilliman that he was not allowed to reinvent Squats.

An army of Squats lead by Hragthkar Realmcarver Börgersson took over a Hive City after killing it's Governor and an Inquisitor. Convincing the Serf to join their side through promises of free bagis for everyone.

Dwarves are nearly always referred to as Squats, even if they come from the Warhammer Fantasy universe. One such dwarf who appears in TTS is Urist Boatmurdered, who transfers his hatred of elves onto the equivalent Aeldari (in particular the Drukhari).

## References

1. ↑ TTS Short: Squats Reborn
2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 Episode 3: Inquisitor (Draco), The First 40k Novel
3. ↑ Episode 18.5: Atrocious Answers
4. ↑ Episode 1: The Last Church
5. ↑ Special 6: Tabletop Adventures
6. ↑ Russ plays a 'Small Baby Game' with the Dark Eldar - Vox-Logs
Techpriest Toastus

> *"Where are the toasters you promised us?"*
>
>

**Techpriest Toastus** is a member of the Adeptus Mechanicus assigned to maintain the Emperor’s Golden Throne.

## TTS Canon

Toastus has been present in the Emperor's throne room for at least 500 years. It can be assumed that he's part of the staff that helps maintain the Golden Throne.

Toastus installed the Text-to-Speech device onto the Golden Throne for Kitten, in exchange for toasters as payment. However, Toastus never received his toasters, and continues to harass the other characters for payment.

Toastus sometimes finds random items, such as lead pipes and liquid nitrogen, and throws them onto the Emperor as “offerings to the Omnissiah,” causing the Emperor significant pain.

Toastus accompanied Shield-Host Proteus to Mars, hoping to finally find the toasters he was looking for.

## Quotes

* *"I found a PIPE!!!"*
* *"mrräöögghggg sexy bloated containerggh"*

## Trivia

* Toastus went unnamed until episode 28, despite being present as far back as episode 1.

## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 Episode 1: Adorable Centurion
2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 Episode 25: Fiery Family Reunion
3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 Episode 28: Custodian Hustle
Timothy

**Timothy** is a horrifying fleshy servant who serves wine to Asdrubael Vect. He is presumably a Homonculi creation.

He is a good boy.

## TTS Canon

Timothy is Asdrubael Vect's personal wine-pourer, often carries a jug of wine and chugging it down Vect's throat at his request.

He was referred by Boy as a friend when the Emperor projects his vision of Fyodor Karamazov's meeting with Vect, implying that they both had acquainted before.

## Trivia

* Timothy first appeared in a short video by Garrot.
* Timothy himself is a picture of E.T. with a human texture partially photoshopped over it.
The Origins of the Flesh Eaters Space Marine Chapter

**The Origins of the Flesh Eaters Space Marine Chapter** is a miscellaneous short video of *If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device*.

## Character Appearances

* The Emperor
* Wamuudes
* Burger Sanguinius
* The Commander
* The Veteran

## Trivia

* The caption at the end saying “Do not do durgz [sic]” is likely a reference to the fact that the Flesh Eaters became high off of eating Ork flesh, since Orks are technically part fungus.
* This episode came out the same day that Games Workshop revealed Sanguinius' model.
Zegram

**Zegram** is a voice actor for *If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device*. Zegram's main role is as Magnus the Red; reportedly, the reason Magnus has an Australian accent was because Zegram tried (and failed) to do a British accent, leading to the misunderstanding that Zegram himself was Australian. Regarding this, Alfabusa left this comment in Short 8: Crotalids (apologies to the nation of Australia):

> *"This Short was based on the fact that a worrying amount of people were convinced Zegram came from Australia and even wrote it up as a fact on TVTropes. This Short was based on the fact that this 'Zegram is Australian' joke has been running since 2014 and is now celebrating 4 years. Amazing."*
>
>

> *"I once sent a box with a boomerang in it to Zegram and he died."*
>
>

## Characters Voiced

* Magnus the Red
* Inquisitor Headsmash
* Generic Genestealer Cultist
* Great Horned Rat
* Wolf Priest

## Episodes Written

* Special 4: Kitten & Tzeentch play a Children's Card Game
Gryffondor (HPPN)

**Gryffondor** est l'une des quatre maisons de Poudlard. Ses couleurs sont le rouge et l'or et son symbole est le lion. Les élèves réparties dans cette maison sont censé êtres courageux et hardis.

## Généralités

La maison tient son nom de Godric Gryffondor, l'un des quatre fondateurs de l'école.

Le fantôme de la maison Gryffondor est Sir Nicolas de Mimsy-Porpington alias Nick-quasi-sans-tête.
La salle commune de Gryffondor se situe dans la tour éponyme et son entrée se situe au septième étage. Celle-ci est située derrière le portrait de la grosse dame. Après lui avoir dit le mot de passe, son portrait pivote pour révéler un trou dans le mur qui mène à la salle.

## Directeurs

* Godric Gryffondor
* Minerva McGonagall

## Élèves

### Répartis en 1987

* Percy Weasley
* Olivier Dubois : Capitaine et Gardien de l'équipe de Quidditch en 1991 et après.

### Répartis en 1989

* Fred Weasley
* George Weasley
* Angelina Johnson : Poursuiveuse de l'équipe de Quidditch en 1991 et après
* Lee Jordan : un ami des Jumeaux Weasley
* Alicia Spinett : Poursuiveuse de l'équipe de Quidditch en 1991 et après

### Répartis en 1990

* Cormac McLaggen : Attrapeur de l'équipe de Quidditch en 1991 et après

### Répartis en 1991

* Ingrid Gudrundottir
* Parvati Patil
* Ronald Weasley
* Dean Thomas
* Seamus Finnigan
* Lavande Brown
* Su Li
* Ajit Singh

### Répartis en 1992

* Ginevra "Ginny" Weasley
* Colin Creevey
Xenos

**Xenos** is the name given to every nonhuman species in the galaxy. The Imperium of Man has a special hatred for Xenos due to the fact that most alien species encountered by humans have either betrayed, manipulated, or attempted to destroy humanity in the past. In fact, consorting with aliens is considered a capital offense and outright Heresy. Individual Imperial armies may choose to form temporary alliances with Xenos if only to deal with a more urgent threat, though backstabbing from either side is not uncommon.

While it is possible for aliens to be corrupted into Chaos worship, they generally do not appear in lore as most of the more noteworthy species are immune to corruption (Orks, Tyranids, Necrons), while most Chaos Space Marines maintain their hatred of xenos from their days as loyalists.

## Xenos Species

### Major Species

* Eldar
* Orks
* Necrons
* Tau
* Tyranids
* Old Ones

### Minor Species

* Nagi
* Enslavers
* Kroot
* Lacrymoles
Special 6: Tabletop Adventures

**Special 6: Tabletop Adventures** is the second special of season 3 of *If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device*.

## Characters

* The Emperor / The Celestial Shaman Queen
* Rogal Dorn / Nrod Lagorsson
* Magnus the Red
* Karstodes / Rolf
* Wamuudes / Wamri le Savoureux
* Custodisi / The Gorger Lord
* Ecclesiarch Decius XXIII / Benny McBackstab
* Grand Provost Marshal / Brukham Nougat
* Commander Militant / Kräkus
* Master of the Administratum / Bulgo Potatoskin
* Abducted Chronicler / Urban Hagflayer
* Magnar Buckethead

## Trivia

* Magnar Buckethead first appeared in Karl's series called "Ravandils Quest."
* The Ravioli Guard is a reference to Filthy Frank
Tyranids

**Tyranids** are a xenos race that come from outside of the galaxy. They are animalistic monstrosities that are connected by a hive mind, and their sole purpose is to consume the galaxy and move on to the next.

Genestealers are the vanguard of the Tyranids, using their ability to infect a host species in order to seize control of planets ahead of an invasion.

## History

Tyranids first entered the galaxy in the 41st millennium, where their presence was first discovered by Inquisitor Kryptman on the planet Tyran, though they had already stripped the planet barren long after he arrived. The Tyranids consumed every ounce of biomass on the planet to grow their hive fleet. He quickly realized the danger that these new Xenos posed and set to work on finding countermeasures against them.

Tyranids are all connected by the Hivemind, the collective consciousness of their race. Each individual creature is connected via synapse creatures, who act as nodes for the smaller and more numerous tyranids. Some Tyranids are intelligent enough to operate away from the main hive fleets and act as vanguard creatures, such as genestealers and lictors, or else act as leaders, such as the Swarmlord.

Tyranids are 100% bio-organic and lack any inorganic technology. And though they cannot use he Warp for faster-than-light travel, their mere psychic presence completely disrupts the Warp and leaves any world they invade unable to call for help. They are also constantly evolving, using the biomass of the organisms they consume to develop new defenses; as such, they are completely immune to disease and poisons. However, a mutagenic acid was discovered that is quite effective against them.

At least for *now*, anyway.

## Members

* Tyranid Hivemind
* Swarmlord
ThunderPsyker

**ThunderPsyker** is a voice actor for If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device. His most prolific role is as the main character Little Kitten. Reportedly, Kitten gets his hate for the Tau directly from **ThunderPsyker** himself.

As a child, **ThunderPsyker** filmed a Warhammer 40,000 series called "The Emperor's Finest." Alfabusa uploaded an edited version of this series on his own channel as a joke.

## Characters Voiced

* Little Kitten
* Magus
* Archon Akhara’keth
* Scion Stuart
* Tahril
* Ian Watson

## Social Media

Twitter

Youtube
Tau

The **Tau** are a young xenos race that have their own empire in the eastern fringe of the galaxy. Despite being only 5000 years old, they have technologically surpassed the Imperium of Man in many areas. Despite this, as they have very weak Warp signatures, they possess no psykers, and thus cannot make use of faster-than-light travel. However, this means they are also less susceptible to daemonic possession (though they are not immune). The Tau follow an ideology called the Greater Good, and will recruit many other races to fight on their behalf to spread their ideology.

## History

The Tau were discovered five thousand years ago by Adeptus Mechanicus explorers. At the time, they were a primitive stone-age race, with each caste of Earth, Fire, Water, and Air, at war with one another. Shortly after the discovery, a warp storm isolated the planet, and didn't abate until a few centuries ago. In the intervening time, a fifth caste called the Ethereals taught the other castes of the Greater Good, and united the world into a technologically advanced empire. The Tau welcome other xenos races and even humans (whom they call Gue'la) into their empire. For example, the Kroot are commonly recruited as mercenaries, while the Nagi serve as “advisors” to the Ethereals.

When the Imperium discovered their existence, they immediately called for the Tau's extermination. Though s minor threat in the grand scheme of things, the Tau could not be allowed to convert any more Imperial worlds. Despite its small size and lack of experience in galactic warfare, the Tau's technology was advanced enough to stall the Imperium in an intractable stalemate. Only the appearance of the Tyranids in the Eastern fringe forced the Imperium to withdraw.

While the Tau still hold faith in the Greater Good, their first taste of the outside world has dimmed their enthusiasm. Their leaders have only just discovered the ruinous powers, and many other races prove to not be interested in peace.

## Members

* Commander Farsight
* Commander Shadowsun
Suggestions and Comments

This page is dedicated to suggestions for how to improve the wiki. If you think an article is missing something, or if you have an idea to improve how we catalog info, please leave your ideas here.

Don't have an account or don't know how to edit? You can use the comments section below to write in your idea and we may add it to the list for future ideas.

## Features that can be added to the Wiki

One of my goals is to allow this wiki to be more community oriented. Possible additions we can add:

* Gif Galleries
* Fan art Gallery
	+ Maybe make an Imagebooru similar to Vinesauce?
Uriah Olathaire

**Uriah Olathaire** was the last priest on Terra from before the Imperium of Man was founded. He was confronted by The Emperor before his church was destroyed. He is the subject of the Podcast episode The Last Church, based on the short story of the same name.

## Official Canon

Uriah was the priest of the Church of the Lightning Stone, the last church on Terra. He was visited by a man who called himself "Revelation," who proceeded to explain why his congregation left and why the Emperor's Imperial Truth was going to replace all religion. Though Uriah eventually broke down and lost his faith, he was also humiliated by the Emperor's Thunder Warriors by being thrown off a cliff and having his church set on fire. Uriah threw himself into the flames, unable to accept the new future.

## TTS Canon

Upon discovering the Black Library book containing *The Last Church* story, the Emperor decided to call up Uriah's soul from the Warp to have their debate once again. However, all present were horrified to discover that the priest had converted to Chaos worship since he died. Uriah pointed out the various hypocrisies of the Emperor's Imperial Truth, both during the Great Crusade and after, and how Chaos is the only true path for humanity. While the Emperor's arguments failed to convince Uriah, it wasn't until he mentioned how he kidnapped Magnus the Red and stole back his soul from Tzeentch by stabbing him repeatedly in the face that he started to express doubt. Nonetheless, because their debate had been on a live Vox broadcast, the Custodes reported that some new civil wars had started up. Uriah was eventually banished from the room for claiming that tacos weren't that great, much to the disgust of all present.
Xylatro

> "*I take suffering before disgrace!! FOR COMMORAGH!*"
>
>

**Xylatro** is the red-armored Drukhari welcoming the Inquisition survivors led by the Fyodemperor, Kaldor Draigo, and Leman Russ into Commoragh.

## TTS Canon

Xylatro is seen with a fellow Dark Eldar surprising Human children and inviting them to an adventure. In truth, the Dark eldar lead them to their slave pit, cut them in half, and wear their torsoes as muppets to play with.

By the events of the Inquisition's return from the warp, Xylatro is seen still accompanying his friend to receive the Human invaders. Silent at the starts, he lets his companion get cut in half without reacting. While Xylatro appears unconcern with the horrifying fate of the Dark Eldar atomized before his eyes by Leman Russ, he does behave empathically towards the rest of his comrades: Calling people by their name, not wanting to make assumptions on how "stoked" they were by an imminent demonic invasion and of course refusing to bother them to raise their hands for a vote.

The next time we hear from Xylatro is when he is transporting Leman and the Inquisition forces towards the Arena. During the boring journey, he participates with Jebarion and Skraket in a mind game where they must guess the word Leman is thinking about. As a result of Leman's powers, what he thinks of becomes reality and the Eldars have to be quick if they don't want the deadly things Leman imagines to be the end of them. Sadly for Xylatro, one of these ends up being Slaanesh, and his cowardly comrades pass their turn to him. This betrayal prompts Xylatro to curse his brothers, and attempt to speak the forbidden name for the safety of Commorragh before the Chaos God can enter their reality. Despite his efforts to say the name out loud, Xylatro is disintegrated by She-Who-Thirsts, his soul destined to suffer for all eternity at her/his side. Also Leman was getting sleepy so he didn't hear what he said.
Urien Rakarth

> *"Casket of Flensing, vile souls within, come out, COME OUT, and remove his SKIN!"*
>
>

**Urien Rakarth** is a Master Haemonculus and the concept of torture made flesh.

## Official Canon

Rakarth is a depraved genius who has lived since before the Fall of the Eldar Empire. As a Master Haemonculus, his knowledge and skill in the crafting of flesh is unmatched. He is the progenitor of the regeneration process used by all Haemonculi to revive Dark Eldar. He has died and been resurrected multiple times and now savors death like a fine wine. At some point his regeneration process was corrupted, and now Rakarth gains a new vestigial part with each reincarnation. He has transcended the political squabbles of Commorragh and now lives only to revel in depravity.

## TTS Canon

Rakarth is first seen accompanying Asdrubael Vect during his meeting with the Star Child. At an unknown point, Rakarth planted spyware in the Imperial Palace, a fact which enrages Rogal Dorn.

Rakarth explains that torturing the Star Child will protect all the Drukhari in Commorragh from Slaanesh. He proceeds to try various torture methods, all of which fail. When Vect begins feeling genuine happiness, Rakarth realizes that the Star Child is emitting an "anti-negative energy." Various torture methods are attempted, but the Star Child remains unaffected, and his energy begins affecting Rakarth and eventually the rest of Commorragh.

Rakarth is revived and strengthened when Vect manages to undo the Star Child's anti-negative energy. When the Star Child tries to leave and search for his companions, Rakarth uses a Necromantic Depravator to suppress his powers and keep him trapped.
Epidemius

> *"Excuse me, that is incredibly offensive, could you stop-"*
>
>

**Epidemius** is one of Nurgle's favorite plaguebearers.

## Official Canon

Epidemius' task is count the number of Nurgle's plagues and diseases that have spread, as well as coming up with new symptoms. He is an even more lazy bastard than most plaguebearers, having to be brought everywhere in a chair by nurglings.

## TTS Canon

Epidemius is in the middle of reviewing the new disease Crotch Rot when he is assaulted with bars of soap by Leman Russ and his posse.

Was present at the Battle of Khaine's Gate leading a group of Plaguebearers with the intention of getting revenge on Russ' forces. During the battle he was responsible for the destruction of most of the Deathwatch marines following Karamazov.

## Personality

Epidemius briefly displays a dedication to his work and annoyance when thrown bars of soap. He seems to take his work seriously and meticulously just like in cannon and possess a degree of distracted or disinterested calm, only responding in annoyance when soap was thrown at him: until he was swarmed in it. From this it can be inferred he finds the idea of being called clean or being clean as highly offensive which makes sense as a daemon of Nurgle.

While he is not particularly jovial, like all daemons of Nurgle he is shown to care for his fellow daemons. He refers to the Plaguebearers under his command as his "boys" and is infuriated by one of their deaths.

## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 Special 2: Warp Hijinks
2. ↑ Episode 26 Part 1: Hateful Feud at Khaine's Gate
Ynnead

**Ynnead** is the prophesied Eldar god of the Dead.

## Official Canon

Ynnead was a prophesied Eldar Deity who would avenge the Eldar after the fall of their race to the chaos god Slaanesh. Ynnead would be born from the countless souls of the Eldar dead, preserved in the craftworlds' infinity circuits, much in the same way the Emperor was born from the souls of many human shamans. According to prophecy, Ynnead would only be born when the last of the Eldar died, and then fight Slaanesh to avenge them.

Eldrad Ulthran believed that the death of the Eldar race would not be necessary to summon Ynnead. He, alongside a contingent of Harlequins, performed a ritual to summon the god using the crystalized bodies of farseers from every craftworld. However, because the ritual was interrupted by a Deathwatch killteam, they only succeeded in awakening a fragment of Ynnead's power. This fragment found its way into Commoragh, where it chose the dying Yvraine to become its herald and lead all Eldar, whether they be craftworlders, commorites, or harlequins, into a new age. Ynnead, in the form of its avatar called the Yncarne, could now manifest in realspace and take the fight directly to Chaos.

## TTS Canon

Eldrad and his Harlequin allies planned to summon Ynnead before Abaddon the Despoiler's 13th Black Crusade can destory Cadia, as Eldrad believed that it was the only way to save the Eldar from their impending extinction at the hands of Chaos. The Emperor likewise was aware of the coming birth of the Eldar god, and, through Fyodor, wished to be present for the event in Commorragh.

## References

1. ↑ Special 5: Just Aeldari Things
2. ↑ Episode 26 Part 2: Fear and Loathing in Commorragh
Special 1: Kitten and Emps play a Children's Card Game

**Special 1: Kitten and Emps play a Children's Card Game** is the first special episode of *If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device*. This episode introduces the game of Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth-Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker.

## Appearances

* The Emperor
* Little Kitten
* Karstodes
* Custodisi
* Wamuudes
TTS Q&A Streams

**TTS Q&A Streams** are livestreams hosted by Zoran The Bear. Most streams have Alfabusa and other cast members answering questions specific to the show, and general discussions about Warhammer 40,000. They also tend to devolve into random silliness. Starting with Episode 25, each Q&A livestream takes place after the premier of each new video.