The Three B Tree

**The Three B Tree** is the title of the ninth chapter of Belinda Blinked 6, and is the chapter covered in the ninth episode of the sixth season of *My Dad Wrote a Porno*, released on 26 July 2021 - delayed by a week due to Jamie potentially contracting COVID-19.

## Description

*Old faces return, secrets are revealed and Belinda's fate hangs in the balance... all because of a tattoo.*

## Featured Characters

*In order of appearance:*

* Dr Pietr Robbins
* Belinda Blumenthal
* Herr Wolfgang Bisch
* Mrs Blumenthal (mentioned)
* Maeve
* The Duchess
* Toffee Apple Chew
* Helga Jonker
* Señor Zip (mentioned)
* Backup agent
* Guardsman of Germany

## Featured Locations

* Berlin, Germany
	+ Belinda's hotel room
* Bisch Schloss (mentioned)

## Introduction

*Prior to beginning the chapter, Team Porno discuss...*

* Jamie recovering from his COVID symptoms and testing negative, making him able to record again
* James thinking Jamie actually just wanted a break from his dad's porn
* James saying that he thought Alice would be the one to break with their porno day schedule eventually as they had never missed an episode before
* James being the dad of the group and Alice and Jamie both needing to check what day they're recording with him while he was on holiday
* Alice saying that missing a week after the big cliffhanger of last episode probably wasn't a good idea
* James (or Detective Chief Inspector Cooper) having re-listened to the Helga Case Files footnote episode and made notes ahead of time

## Synopsis

The name "Dr Robbins" rattles around Belinda's brain embarrassingly. She asks, confused, why he's here given that he's just "a strange old man that snips at prospective business associates" with scissors given their previous encounter. Dr Robbins giggles oddly (hee-hee-ha-ha-heeing) and Belinda exclaims "oh mother of fuckness", hoping that she isn't related to his saggy ass. The odd fellow just shudders like an old person waiting for a bus that had been cancelled twice on a December night. She says that the doctor must tell her if they're flesh and blood as they share a skin sketch. The man at the desk says not a zilch and the Herr of Nightmares cackles like death itself. Bisch explains that Dr Robbins won't answer to the name Robbins, calling him by his real name - Wayne. Belinda blinks, now confused, and begs the doctor's pardon. Bisch says that he is no Robbins, and even less a doctor, causing Belinda to say that he's lying like a lilo - which Belinda is lying on. Her step-uncle laughs and says that she wishes he was lying.

Dr Robbins raises from behind his precious travelling desk and tells Belinda that it's true, in a perfectly normal USA-ish drawl. He confirms that his real name is Wayne Bert and he's no relation of hers - years ago, he made a deal with Bisch which led Bisch to own 10% of Bert's contraband baked beans business. Through the Three B's Baked Beans franchise, they have money-laundered millions which has bankrolled Bisch-Herstellung since the Cold War. Belinda explodes, "what the fuck?", calling Bert and Bisch big bad baddies. Bert explains that when he was in the US Army of the Rhine he had unlimited access to the billions of tins of rationed baked beans - they didn't miss a million, they didn't miss two million, they didn't miss three million and they didn't miss four million. Belinda finishes the last part of the sentence for him, causing Wayne to be impressed. Bert says that his business was booming until his commanding officer found out and he was arrested. Belinda blinks. Wayne continues, explaining that this is where Bisch stepped in. Belinda asks about the tattoo and Bert says, rubbing his tattooed head, that they sign in ink - skin ink as it's a deal you can't get out of - it's forever on you.

Bisch hobbles even more into the lighting and says that he had tried to exterminate Belinda ever since her 18th birthday when her "dopey" mother branded her to him, but she had always escaped his grasp. Bisch says that she refused a very generous job offer at Bisch-Herstellung on Skype, and then escaped from his Schloss. Eyeing Maeve from the corners of her eyes, Belinda spits that damn right she refused the offer. Bisch then goes into a coughing fit, causing Belinda to ask if he's okay, and he responds in the affirmative as he wipes blood from his left nostril. Belinda says that she's worried due to Bisch's chronic asthma attacks as a kind-of-not-really relative of his. Bisch responds that family is overrated and he still plans to kill her as her extermination is necessary for protection.

Bisch cackles and orders Agent XYZ to end this family affair once and forever. Mave gleefully removes her killer heels and prepares to kill Belinda, but Bert interrupts by putting his hand up. Bert says that close is no cigar and orders Belinda to suck his cock before she dies, but the Duchess hears cock and comes running into the scene. Belinda, Bisch, Maeve and Dr Wayne Bert Robbins turn in a gas explosion; like a paragon of virtue, dressed head to foot in white gowns, The Duchess strides in on top of Toffee Apple Chew who neighs her most vicious squeal as she kicks the escape stairlift to bits. Belinda breathes under her tongue that she's never been so glad to see cock in her life. Bisch exclaims "Gertrude, how is you is here?", spitting while trying to run away slowly. The Duchess explains that she's been following his ass for years and it's time for him to face his crimes. As she approaches, she jumps and cartwheels towards Belinda, centrifugally throwing her body between Belinda and Agent XYZ, chopping Maeve's back so she falls to the floor, telling Maeve "you're nicked" as she cuffs the young vixen. All the while, Dr Robbins/Wayne Bert had been quietly packing up his belongings and trying to escape but little did he know that waiting for him by the exit is a certain lady he knows all too well.

Bert asks what Helga is doing there, causing Helga to say in her American speech patterns that it's "Agent Helga" to him now. She brings out her FBI brooch and Bert is impressed, saying he never knew that about her, and Helga says that she's all-American as she ties him together. As she lassoes the hobbling Bisch, Helga says "let's send 'em to the slammer". Belinda shouts for them to stop, greeting Helga as she approaches Maeve. Belinda's run lags to a jog as she compliments the agent's timing (causing Helga to reveal that the Duchess had been helping out Señor Zip on the special retina-sensitive shades which is how she found them) before running to her max again, saying "typical spies". Reaching her ex-colleague, she falls to her knees in an extravagant slide straight to her crotch. Hitting her target, Belinda wraps both arms around the lovely legs of Maeve. She apologises that Steele's had never treated her the way she deserved, and asks her to accept the only apology she can give before spending a lifetime in jail. Peeling back her pubic overhangs and shoving her whole face in and up her, Belinda's tongue is a rampant rogue, a highwayman twisting through the corkscrew byways of the olden days. Maeve tingles and jazzes with sexual gratification that she had always associated with Belinda. As she wipes her mouth dry, Belinda says that she knew it was Maeve as she recognised her flaverings from the hump and skunk part two at the party. Maeve spits that she wishes and Belinda says that Maeve is quite rude, gearing up for a bit of smack and quibble, but Agent Helga is a professional, telling her to "wrap this show on the road up". She takes Bisch by the scruff of his neck and pushes him into the arrest position as a backup agent drags him kicking and crying from the scene. Bisch says that Belinda will pay for this, telling her to mark his words. Belinda shouts that they don't use Marks anymore - they use Euros, and he'll need millions of those to break himself free. With that, the guardsman of Germay enters and takes Bert and Maeve where Bisch is headed - that being prison.

The Duchess feeds Toffee Apple Chew a sugar lump, claps her hands and speaks three small-ish words: "done, dusted, drink?". Back in the safety of Belinda's Berlin hotel room and after a Chilean chardonnay or twelve, the leading lady of letters turns to the women who saved her ass. Helga and The Duchess say that the thing she did to Maeve looked "fucking fabulous, darling", a sexually attractive smile rising on Belinda's face muscles as she pulls out her forefinger and middle finger on both hands from make-believe gun holsters on her hips and points them at the two women's front-facing bums. Helga and The Duchess understand the hand language and immediately unroll their panties. Belinda wanks them off so much Helga temporarily loses the use of her calf muscles and collapses to the ground; The Duchess is made of tougher meat, like brisket, and so fares better balance-wise. Moving to the thin sofa thing at the end of the bed, Belinda jams Helga's dodger and custards Gertrude's cream. Soon, Helga tells her to stop eating around the bush and put her tongue inside her, ordering like the federal officer she is. Her inner tissues are zingy to the touch, a tangy treat full of enzymes to keep Belinda big and strong. Is muff one of her five a day? As she licks herself at home she makes a mental note of the colour of the flesh of this lady's human form. Helga Jonker and our darling Duchess are truly exceptional sex chums, gyrating their way around the hotel room and licking and slapping and rubbing and having a marvellous time. However, at dawn Belinda's body clock is awoken by a very efficient-sounding knock on the door. Belinda squints.

## Notes

* This episode Team Porno discuss Rocky peppering 69 references throughout the book, both with Belinda living in penthouse 9 on floor 6 of her building and this chapter being chapter 9 of book 6.
* James points out that Bisch has flown out Dr Robbins' leather desk from Amsterdam just to reveal his connection to Belinda, and Alice wonders if there had been a dress rehearsal for the reveal moment since they all seemed to know what was going on.
* Alice jokes that Wayne Bert sounds like the star of an old-time western film.
* James says that he bought Rocky a lordship of the manor (for a 5 square metre pocket of land, which Rocky apparently knows well) for his birthday, and Rocky has asked Jamie how he can claim expenses and not pay tax since he now thinks he's a member of the House of Lords. Jamie then asks if he will become an actual Little Lord Fauntleroy when he inherits the title.
* Team Porno discuss after the tattoo reveal that Belinda's tattoo is basically the real-world equivalent of having the Heinz logo tattooed on your leg.