TRP: Goro and Hansel (Midnight Cuddles)

LINA

[Setting: Wee hours of the morning on 408. The castle.]

Goro just... couldn't fucking fall back asleep.

The heavy blanket was a comfort, but he got too warm under it. Then when he kicked it off, he got too cold. He fretted about whether he was blowing his chances at getting memories back by not sleeping. He kept almost drifting off and then jerking himself awake again, and it drove him crazy.

He felt lonely. He kept getting this creepy thought that he'd imagined everything that'd happened to him so far, and he didn't really have a bunch of family and friends scattered throughout this castle. It seemed absurd, but he was getting real worked up over it, tossing and turning and making himself panicky with the thought that he was gonna have to wait till morning to find out.

He kept thinking about Amari. He wondered if she'd mind if he woke her up. Put him in mind of a little kid going and waking up their mom in the middle of the night after they had a nightmare. Amari wasn't his real mom, though, apparently, and he sure as shit wasn't a little kid.

Larkin and Morgan might still be sleeping on couches on the second floor. He could go and peek in on them, at least. Convince himself he wasn't totally alone in the castle.

There was Hansel and Mishka. They might be sleeping together in one of their bedrooms. Hansel was Goro's husband, for crying out loud. He probably wouldn't mind too much if Goro woke him up. And Mishka had been real kind to him all day. They might understand.

.

He crawled out of bed and put his robe on again, then walked quietly out of his room and into the little common area. He tried Hansel's bedroom first, knocking on the door and calling softly, "Hansel?"

He waited a minute, then tried it again. No answer. Then he tried the same thing on Mishka's door, feeling even guiltier about it, and so was almost relieved when there was no answer there, either.

He headed downstairs. He did peek in on Larkin and Morgan, just like he'd thought of doing, and it calmed him a little to see them sleeping. He saw a blanket fort in the library where he thought Ombre might be, but he didn't go poking his head in or anything. He wandered around the second floor, quietly saying Hansel's name now and then in case he was sitting somewhere Goro missed. At one point he found Mishka dozing with some dark-haired elf on another couch, which just made him more puzzled about where Hansel might be.

Goro continued to the ground floor and wandered through the dining room and kitchen, but there still was no sign of Hansel. He might've been in his room, but the knocking hadn't woke him up. Goro just stood in the kitchen for a minute, heart sinking. He guessed he could just try knocking louder, but...

He heard something weird, and he froze to listen. Sounded like... a man's voice. Deep, like Hansel's. Not talking, just grunting and making clipped shouts. Sounded like it was coming from outside.

Goro followed the noise, going through the sun room and peering through the windows. There was Hansel -- or at least, someone who looked like him, in the dark -- out in the yard, doing what looked like practice drills with one of his weapons. Calling hya and such as he hefted and thrust it around.

Man. It was the middle of the damn night. That was weird. Goro opened the door and poked his head out, calling, "Hansel?"

IZZY

Hansel couldn't sleep.

In fairness, he didn't really try.

He was exhausted from the day -- trekking all through the jungle, fighting Anwyll, the panic of nearly losing Larkin to him and the panic of hearing Diva and the panic of hearing about Goro. Having to have bad fucking conversations with Mishka and Raef. Wandering around trying to make sure everyone was all right. It'd been a long fucking day, and he felt ... kind of, almost, a little bit better after seeing Goro. After calming himself down when he saw that Goro was still Goro, even if he didn't remember.

But then he had to be alone, again, and he didn't like being alone. He'd stood in his quarters for a moment, then grabbed Taavit's trident and gone downstairs -- checking in on the rest as he went. Larkin and Morgan asleep. Mishka and Raef passed out. Ombre had finished her tea and cookies and poked the little plate back outside the blankets, and she was quiet, now, so he figured she was getting some rest, finally, and Luci had fallen asleep in the library, at some point, too. He did a couple more circuits because he just needed to keep doing something, because when he sat down for a moment, thinking about scooping up Mishka and Raef and joining them, it all hit him.

Hansel was good at taking hits. Helped to dish them back out. He took a long breath and scrubbed his hands over his face, through his hair, and got back to head down, and out to the training yard. He'd known he was going to end up there, anyway. Made himself some coffee and went out to try to burn himself out. By all rights he should be out already -- judging by the moon, a bit more than a dark crescent overhead, it was well after midnight and well on towards morning. But here he was.

.

Eli had gotten him into the habit of running drills when he was feelin' some kinda way. She'd tell him to do that instead of getting drunk in the middle of the night, and he still got drunk in the middle of the ight a lot, but he learned when to fuckin' not. Now wasn't the time to get plastered and wind up with a hangover -- he needed to keep his shit together. Wearing himself out was better than drinking himself stupid.

Thought about Eli, as he went through the movements. Thought about Taavit. Thought about Goro, just leaving the room for a moment. Thought about Diva gripping tight to Mishka, holding onto Goro in the basement of the Basha warehouse. He was finding it hard to breathe when he heard a familiar voice calling his name.

Muscle memory pushed him to finish the motion, shoving the tines of the silver trident into the gut of the straw dummy he'd just about fucking destroyed by this point, and then he looked off to the side, panting. Seemed unreal, for a moment. Maybe it was the exhaustion, and the jitters too much coffee, and his breathlessness making him feel a little lightheaded, but for a beat he just thought everything was fine. Goro had woken up alone and come wandering out to find him. Probably gonna coax him back in with cuddles, and what the fuck was he doing out here in the middle of the night, anyway? Was he okay? Goro would hold his face and frown at him.

But then he remembered, and he panted and looked across the dark courtyard for a moment, at a loss, before tugging the trident out of the dummy and hoarsely saying, "Hey. Hey. Sorry. You a'right?"

LINA

Goro didn't say anything right away. He all but hugged the doorframe, reluctant to step all the way outside.

"What're you doing?"

IZZY

"Uh, just ... goin' through some drills." He shouldered the silver trident and ambled a bit closer, watching to make sure Goro didn't get skittish. "Couldn't sleep."

LINA

"Oh." Goro thought maybe he should say me neither, 'cause that would be a normal thing to say, but for some reason it didn't make it out. "Uh. I'm... I'm real sorry to interrupt."

IZZY

"Nah, nah." Hansel frowned a bit. Goro had a little tremble in his voice, and he was all wrapped around that door frame like it was the last timber left on a sinking ship. Hansel slipped the trident onto his back properly and crossed over to him, reaching out to touch his arm, just that bit of contact to say, Hey, it's okay, I'm here. "S'okay. I ain't doin' anything important, love." Like anything was more important than Goro right now, anyway. "Sorry I was so far away."

LINA

"Uh. Nah. S'fine. I'm glad you're awake." Goro leaned into Hansel's touch a little. He wondered if it'd be weird to try and hug him right now.

IZZY

Hansel came in closer to slip his arm around Goro's shoulders and pull him into a hug.

LINA

Goro hugged back immediately, resting his head on Hansel's shoulder and letting out a breath. He opened his mouth to say something -- try and explain, maybe -- but just closed it again.

IZZY

Hansel gave him a good squeeze. It was still -- relieving, somehow, that Goro wanted to be held. Rewarding. Hansel wondered vaguely if that was muscle memory, too, if some part of him did know that Hansel would hold him and keep him safe, or if it was just that on that deep level that couldn't be washed away, Goro just fucking liked to be hugged. Either one was good. Either one meant that Hansel had a way of making him feel better, and that was the important thing.

He wrapped his other arm around Goro and kissed his head, murmuring, "S'okay. I got you," into his hair.

LINA

"Thank you," Goro said, and then, "Sorry. Feel like I shouldn't... hog you."

IZZY

Hansel made a puzzled nn? sound kinda reflexively. "We're ... married," he pointed out.

LINA

"Yeah, but. I don't remember anything, so... seems like... I gotta revoke some of my rights, or something."

IZZY

"Y'don't," Hansel said firmly. He kissed Goro's head again. "Besides, ain't anyone else here, aye? You ain't takin' me away from anybody."

LINA

Goro pointed lamely at the straw dummy.

IZZY

Hansel nodded solemnly. "Aye, y'really ruinin' Mister Scarecrow's day, draggin' me away from murderin' him." One more kiss to the top of the head, and Hansel gave Goro a little pull over towards one of the benches by the fountain. "You wanna sit down?"

LINA

"'Kay." Goro stepped away so they could walk, experimenting with sliding one hand down Hansel's arm and clasping his hand.

IZZY

Hansel squeezed his hand and led him over. It was the same bench they'd dawdled on for a while during Raef's reception, before -- ah, well, before Goro accidentally proposed, and Hansel accidentally accepted, and then they both fucking freaked out. He wondered if he should tell Goro that story. Hansel thought it was pretty charming and funny, considering they were actually fucking married now. Might just be strange to hear, though. Might make him sad that he didn't remember it.

He settled down and asked, "You have a nightmare, or somethin'? Just couldn't sleep?"

LINA

Goro pulled his feet up on the bench and hugged his knees. "Couldn't sleep. Just..." He winced and looked around the yard. "Just kinda... didn't wanna be alone."

IZZY

"Well." Hansel slid up hip to hip with him and put an arm back around him. Goro didn't wrap around himself the way he was doing, so much, anymore. Usually wrapped around Hansel. "You ain't gotta be."

LINA

"Thanks," Goro said in a small voice. "It's, uh. It's hard to know what I want. 'Cause being around a bunch of new people all day was... a lot, but then once I was by myself I just felt lonely, and... ah. I dunno."

IZZY

"Nah, it's okay, you ain't gotta explain," Hansel said softly. He wondered if he ought to tell Goro that frankly, he wasn't too great at knowing what he wanted anyway, or if that would just be concerning. "I feel you. We're ..." He mulled over how to say it. "We're real comfortable here. It's a safe place full a' safe people. So y'don't usually get overwhelmed when we're just here with family, y'know? And ... y'like new things, but that's 'cause you got somewhere y'know is safe -- well, somewhere you really feel like is safe. And people y'feel safe with, too. But you ain't had long enough t'get that feelin'." He rubbed Goro's shoulder. "So I figure ... you're all overwhelmed an' don't wanna deal with more new shit, and y'don't feel like you got anybody that's safe to go back to, so you feel lonely, too."

Soon as he finished saying it, slow and thoughtful, he realized that Goro had come back to him. Tracked him down, even. Ah.

LINA

Goro unfolded from around his knees and slipped his arms around Hansel's waist instead.

IZZY

Hansel shifted to tuck Goro more securely under his arm, squeezing him and resting his lips against Goro's hair. Still smelled like roses, and faint smoke. Still smelled like Goro.

"Hey. You wanna see somethin' neat that I can do?" Hansel whispered, for the distraction.

LINA

Goro resisted the urge to butt his head against Hansel's lips, like a cat looking for more pets. "Yeah."

IZZY

Hansel stretched out the arm that wasn't around Goro, flexed his fingers, and summoned up the vine that curled around his arm, growing from the elbow and twisting out to his hand -- sprouting long, sharp thorns and blooming white flowers. The end of the vine dangled from his hand, the rest coiled tightly and ready to whip out when he swung, but he didn't, for now, and focused on just keeping it there, verdant and flowering, in a way he never could when he was using it to fight.

He turned his arm and found the tiny bunch of three blackberries, not really ripe, but blackberries nonetheless. He made a pleased sound and confided, "Can't always get the berries t'grow."

LINA

"Whoa." Goro leaned in to get a better look. "How d'you do that?" He reached one finger out to poke at the vine.

IZZY

"Ah, hey, careful of the thorns, there," Hansel warned. "Druid. I got just a li'l bit of magic."

LINA

"Whoa," Goro said again. He settled comfortably against Hansel's side again, opened and shut his mouth a few times, then finally blurted, "S'kinda hot."

IZZY

"Pffff." Hansel grinned and lost his concentration, and the vine withered away like it always did. He kissed Goro's hair. "Aye, that's my ish."

LINA

Goro grinned and hugged Hansel tighter. Still seemed kinda weird, like he shouldn't be allowed to. Fuckin' strange to just... suddenly have a husband, and a real dreamy one, too. He wondered what he'd done to earn it.

"How'd I manage to snag you, anyway?" he asked. "Well, I heard I'm kind of a badass."

IZZY

"Sure are," Hansel agreed. "Pretty sure I'm the one that had to snag you, really. I got lucky."

LINA

"Psssh. Whatever. I can tell you're a fuckin' catch."

IZZY

"Aye?" Hansel scoffed gently, and kissed Goro's head a couple more times. "Well, s'pose we deserve each other, then. No big mystery."

LINA

"We both got lucky, maybe. Just lucky we met at all."

IZZY

"Aye, got real lucky." He gave Goro a good squeeze, then reached for his hand to link their fingers together so their rings clicked. Then he felt sort of ... self-conscious, out of nowhere, because this felt too normal. Too much like everything was just ... how it always was.

"This okay?" he asked, hesitantly.

LINA

"Huh? Yeah. Yeah. Isn't it?"

IZZY

"Yeah, 'course," he said quickly. "Just ... checkin'. I don't wanna be too, uh. Familiar, s'pose. I'm used to this. You ain't. That's all."

LINA

"Nah. I like it. I like... you." Psh. Stupid.

IZZY

Hansel grinned against Goro's hair, relaxing again. "Yeah? S'good. Kinda like you a bit, myself."

LINA

"Psssh." Goro grinned and turned his face against Hansel's shoulder, embarrassed. "Still kinda feel like an imposter. Lookin' just like your husband, and all. Too bad for that guy, wherever he is."

IZZY

Hansel kissed his hair. "I know right where he is."

LINA

Goro squeezed Hansel and sat quietly for a while, feeling as close to content as he could remember getting. He tried not to question it too much. Tried not to keep voicing doubt after doubt. For now, he just let himself enjoy what was going on.

After a bit, he said, "Maybe you could... tell me a little more about us? Or you, or me."

IZZY

"Mm." Hansel nuzzled against his hair, thinking. "You wanna hear about ... hmm. Somethin' exciting, or somethin' nice?"

LINA

"Ummm. Hm. Something exciting, then something nice."

IZZY

Hansel nodded, pleased with that. He had just the right story. He played with Goro's rings idly.

"So, y'know how I told you we were together three or four months, depending on how you count it?"

LINA

"Yeah. 'Cause I went outta town for a while."

IZZY

"Mmhm. So, the way it went down was that -- we'd just won what was sorta ... our first real tough fight. Us as in the Graverunners, I mean. And you needed some time away, to get your head together, 'cause it was a bad fuckin' time. But, uh, well -- so you decided to hop over to Calisham, 'cross the sea, and Mishka went along with you, 'cause he's got this teleportation magic, and he'd be able to bring you back when you were ready, real easy. Two weeks by ship, see, but you send a message to Mishka and he could bring you on back home just like that."

He snapped his fingers.

"But, see, I was kinda worried 'bout you. Been through some shit. An' I was scared you might not ... wanna come back, after things," he admitted. "Might decide it was nicer over in Calisham, easier not bein' around the rest of us. So I went along too, to try an' keep an eye out, make sure you were gonna be okay." He paused. "Sounds like I'm startin' with the nice part, but I promise it gets excitin'."

LINA

Goro murmured with interest. "But this was before we got together? When we were just coworkers, or whatever?"

IZZY

Hansel nodded. "Comrades. Y'know -- ah, crew." He shrugged a little. "S'pose that means more to sailors. You fuckin' meant a lot t'me, is the point. You'd always been a bit ..." He picked the word. "Prickly. Standoffish, maybe. Loyal as fuck, aye, but kinda closed off. I wasn't sure how much the gang meant t'you. Wanted to be sure you knew that you meant a lot t'us. Or at least to me."

LINA

"Oh." Goro felt this weird flash of... something he almost thought was memory, for a second. But it was more like just sympathy for himself. Like he knew, without really having to think about it, that -- yeah. He always assumed he didn't mean much to people.

IZZY

Hansel kissed him again. Reminder.

"Anyhow, me an' you an' Mishka take this two week trip. Uh, fuckin' embarrassin' thing about me, bein' a sailor and all, is I get seasick. I hadn't been out on the ocean proper in a while, and lost my sea legs, so I was down in the hold, throwin' up and bein' miserable, good part of the trip."

Granted, the worst of it had been the fucking terror that came from being back at sea, but he really had been regular seasick, too.

"'Fraid I probably didn't do to good a job showin' you what I meant to show you, and all," he admitted. "But, good week 'n a half in, me and Mishka wake up and we find the ship's still, moored someplace, and you ain't there. Fact, when we look around the ship, there ain't anybody there, and we ain't made it to Calimport, neither -- just docked up on some fuckin' random li'l island."

LINA

Goro frowned. "What happened?"

IZZY

"Aye, that's what we fuckin' wanted to know. We gotta go find our half-elf, Mishka said, and I said, we sure fuckin' do.

"So we head down to the beach, and we find a couple crewmen from the ship. Lookin' fucking shady, looks by the sand like there's been a struggle. So we have a real polite conversation, meanin' that I hold one at trident-point while Mishka questions the fucker, and find out you've been taken into these caves." He paused. "Y'know, I forget just what they told us. You remember what driders are?"

LINA

Goro snickered at the polite conversation part. "Uh. Is it some kinda spider?"

IZZY

"Kinda. I hadn't ever heard of'em, myself, but when we creep on into that cave, that's what we fuckin' see -- big goddamn spider-elves. Scary sonsabitches, three or four of'em. Captain of the ship is an elf herself, a drow, and she's brought the passengers in to feed to her drider pals. But we can see you, all fucked up in webbing, over stuck to a wall, so we make a real quick plan.

"Mishka's got this fire magic, see. Makes great big fucking fireballs. So I start to creepin' over to get you, and he lobs a huge goddamn scorcher at the driders an' the captain to cause a diversion."

LINA

"Wait. Wait. Is this story really true?"

IZZY

"Aye!" Hansel protested.

LINA

"Psssh. You say so."

IZZY

"I ain't no liar. You can ask Mishka."

LINA

"Mishka's a liar." Not that he'd lied to Goro, but, just, in general. Goro pulled back enough to narrow his eyes playfully at Hansel. "Dunno 'bout you yet."

IZZY

"Pffft." Hansel grinned at him. "Can't lie t'save my life. That's what I got him for, y'know." And what he had Goro for, he supposed, though he didn't know if Goro was as smooth a talker, just now.

LINA

Goro grinned back, and kinda lost track of what was happening, for a minute. Hansel was really nice, in more ways than one.

Goro cleared his throat and leaned against him. "Anyway?"

IZZY

"Mm. Anyhow." He tapped his shoulder, indicating his trident. "I got this other trident -- neat fuckin' mechanical thing, turns into a sword when I want. So I do that an' slash you outta the webbing, while Mishka's holdin' off the spiders, and I ain't sure if you'd been drugged or got some drider venom in you, but you were kinds out of it -- I mean, messed up from bein' all wrapped up in the web, too, blinded and all. Fuckin' scary shit.

"So I figure I'm gonna get you the fuck outta there, fast as I can. Grab onto you and start for the cave entrance, which y'didn't care for too much," he admitted, "'cause you didn't like for me to manhandle you around, I s'pose, and 'cause you'd seen Mishka back there, and you wanted t'help him. Thing was, I figured -- Mishka can teleport, he's gonna follow along, no problem. But he doesn't. We get along a ways, and Mishka ain't there."

LINA

Goro's eyes widened. "Yeah?"

IZZY

Hansel nodded seriously. "So, y'know, 'course we run back. And one of these fuckin' driders has him pinned, an' he can't crack away 'cause he can't do the --" he snapped his fingers -- "thing he does to do magic. Motherfucker's bitten him, too. And me an' you, we ain't fuckn' havin' that. You did, uh ..." He smiled a bit, feeling himself blush a little. "You did this magic thing t'me, and I didn't know what it was, at the time, but, uh. It made me think, ah, well, shit. Fuck.

"I like him."

LINA

"Psssh." Hansel seemed embarrassed, but Goro felt himself getting kinda embarrassed, too. "What was it?"

IZZY

He scoffed a little. "Well, turned out t'be this spell that kinda ... lets you take half the hurt when I get hit. Which was fuckin' dumb, y'know. I can take a lot more hits'n you can. But it was, uh -- it was real sweet, too. You tryin' to protect me, same time as you were runnin' off to reach Mishka. Goddamn loyal, like I said, an loyal as hell."

LINA

"Huh." Goro wondered why he -- or anyone, really -- would do something like that. "You the kinda person who just kinda recklessly charges into places, thinking you can take all the hits?"

IZZY

He snorted. "Eh, we both are, ahuv. Thing is that I got the muscle t'back it up." He offered a demonstration by holding his arm up and flexing.

LINA

Goro snorted. He admired the view, though.

IZZY

Hansel grinned at him. "Anyhow, you do that, and I chuck an axe at the drider pinnin' Mishka --" he patted one of the ones on his belt -- "then charge in too. Manage to shove the goddamn thing off him, and you drop down to make sure he's gonna be okay, what with havin' been bit. S'what we do, see? Divide an' conquer. I take the hits, you make sure everyone stays on their feet, bein' a medic and a cleric an' all. Long as everyone's good, you fuckin' mix it up, too, but 'til then, I knew I didn't have to worry about Mishka, 'cause I knew you had him.

"But another of the fuckin' spider things comes outta goddamn nowhere, slams into me -- I manage to get my trident into it, but I'm away from the two of you, aye? And then the goddamn cave just goes dark. Not like nighttime dark -- like magic dark. Can't see a fucking thing."

LINA

"Shit," Goro said mildly.

IZZY

"Shit," Hansel agreed. He played with Goro's rings, again, with his thumb. "Just as soon as this magic darkness hits, though, it fuckin' goes away, and instead there's this fuckin' ... beautiful light, hangin' up in the cavern, like the goddamn sun comin' out in the middle of the night. Sorta magic light that can wipe away even that awful fuckin' darkness. You wanna guess who made that happen, shemeshi?" he asked, teasing a little.

LINA

Goro's cheeks turned warm. My sun.

"'Parently I can do a lotta cool shit," he said, sheepish.

IZZY

"Aye, you sure fuckin' can." Hansel kissed his head. "So you heal up Mishka, get the poison out of him, and we make real quick work outta the fuckin' driders, after that. Save the other passengers, 'cause we're fuckin' heroes, an' shit. You were pretty goddamn shaken up, though, so I go ahead and walk you outta the cave while Mishka get them passengers and explains shit to'em. Y'threw up on my boots," he commented.

LINA

"Oh. Shit. Sorry."

IZZY

He laughed. "I didn't mind. You warned me you were gonna do it. I was feelin' ... some kinda fuckin' way about you, though, I didn't back off. Was my own fault."

LINA

"Pssh. Hah. You had a crush, you mean?"

IZZY

"Aye," he said. "I'm a li'l slow on the uptake sometimes, that's all." He snorted. "Not that you ain't, either, though. Remember once we were out, an' I was walking you to this li'l cove I'd spotted, so you could get cleaned up, you asked me -- What were you an' Mishka doin' in that cave, anyway? And I said, What? We fuckin' came t'get you, what'd you think?" He paused. "Don't think you ever actually answered me, come to think of it. 'Bout then we got to the cove."

He could feel himself getting a little warm, thinking about it. He wasn't sure how much he ought to tell Goro.

LINA

"Was Mishka okay?" Goro asked. He felt like he could see the twist coming. They shouldn't've gone on ahead.

IZZY

"Oh, aye, yeah," Hansel assured him, and kissed his head. "You took good care of him. You're like that. Never fuckin' heal yourself 'til everyone else is all good. Matter of fact, we get to the cove, and you pull of your robe to get clean, and I can see all these fucking bruises on you -- 'cause you took part of the hit when that drider whacked into me -- and then you got the fuckin' nerve t'ask if I need any healin'." He tsked.

LINA

"Pfff." Goro figured he'd had his reasons.

IZZY

Hansel pffft'd back at him. "Anyway, uh. Was a bit before Mishka came an' found us, bein' busy with the passengers, an' all. He's good with people, y'know. He was the captain, when we were pirates, so he took to it real well. Meanwhile, you trudge on out into the water t'get clean, and I went after you, havin' been thrown up on, an' all."

He paused for a moment, stroking Goro's hair.

"Was when you told me what the spell from before did, and I told you to fuckin' knock that shit off, and let me take the hits, and we bickered, a bit. And ... then I got closer, and I called you handsome, and I told you -- tell me to back off. 'Cause, y'know, I'm bigger than you, an' we were out there alone, and I didn't want you t'be ... scared of me. Didn't know, really, what you thought about me at all, back then. Wanted to be sure you knew that I would fuckin' back off, if you wanted me to.

"But you said, Or else? like you were darin' me, and you looked at me like ..." He paused again, remembering the look, remembering how Goro's eyes were like a storm at sea. "Not like you were scared, but like you were excited, an' nervous, and you maybe trusted me, a little bit. You looked at me like you sure as fuck didn't want me to back off.

"So -- I kissed you. Was the first time. Pulled you underwater with me and held you real close, all skin on skin, an' you wrapped around me like you wanted me to hold you more than you wanted to breathe," he said softly. "And soon as I let go, you hit the surface for air, an' came right back t'me for more."

LINA

As Goro listened, he was breathing normally for a while, but at some point he let out a breath and then just kinda forgot to breathe anything back in. He did, suddenly, sounding like a little gasp. "Whoa," he said in a low voice.

IZZY

"Aye." Hansel laughed a little, quietly, embarrassed. "Was how I felt when it happened, too."

LINA

Goro pulled away a bit, peering up at Hansel, sort of assessing him for the first time again. His heart was pounding, and he felt flushed.

He looked away. "Really how it went, huh?"

IZZY

Hansel nodded. "Cross my heart."

LINA

Goro glanced at Hansel, then away. At him, then away. His face was on fire, now. Very quickly, he leaned in and gave Hansel a kiss on the cheek, then looked away again.

IZZY

Ah, Goro looked like he was about to die of embarrassment. Which was fuckin' adorable, but Hansel also really didn't want him to feel all overwhelmed, or feel like ...

Well, he was in the process of worrying that Goro might feel pressured to live up to what their relationship was before he lost his memories, but then Goro leaned up and kissed him -- all chastely, fast, on the cheek. It was so goddamn cute, and sweet, and unexpected, that Hansel felt himself blush about enough to die, too.

"Pffff, ah," he said, the fucking height of eloquence. "Psshh, you ain't ... y'know, you ain't gotta ... I mean, I want you to, I'm just sayin'."

LINA

Goro grinned, ducking his head and attempting to hide his mouth with his hands. He wasn't sure he was normally the type of guy to just go kissing someone right after meeting them and all, but -- goddamn. This was his husband.

He had a crush, and on the exact right person, apparently.

He gave Hansel another kiss on the cheek then went back to hiding his face, snickering.

IZZY

Hansel scoffed some more. God. Fucking adorable. He could feel his cheeks were still hot, but he was grinning now too, relieved and fucking charmed and pleased as hell. He wrapped both his arms around Goro to squeeze him, and nuzzled into his hair to give a few quick little kisses and murmur, "Love you."

LINA

Goro wasn't really sure how to respond to that -- felt polite to say something back, but he barely knew the guy, obviously, and he was pretty sure Hansel understood that. Goro did feel like -- Hansel was someone he could love, though. If he did know him.

"'M glad I came and found you," he said quietly.

IZZY

"Aye, I'm glad too," Hansel said, content. He didn't expect Goro to say it back. Didn't need him to. Just needed him to know that Hansel felt it, and meant it, and would follow him across the ocean to make sure that Goro knew it.

LINA

"I just..." Goro held Hansel tighter, worried Hansel would think he was weird and push him away if he didn't say just the right thing. Probably not, though. "It's just... nice to be with someone who loves me, even if I don't remember 'em. I mean, I guess a lot of people here love me. But you -- uh, I dunno, I can really feel it with you. It's like you got so much love you can't really keep a lid on it. You keep trying, everyone keeps trying 'cause they don't wanna freak me out I guess, but you just keep spilling. That's great. I think... I think you're great."

IZZY

"Aw," Hansel said softly. He squeezed Goro against him in return, figuring -- if Goro ever needed it, it was right now, and the way he was pushing closer might mean he was scared of being pushed away.

"Yeah, I ... I don't wanna be too much," he said. "Just want you t'know I'm here. I can just -- do what I normally do, an' you can tell me to back off if you need space, if you want."

LINA

"Maybe," Goro said. "What do you normally do?"

IZZY

"Hm." He kissed Goro's head. "Lotta this." He made to nudge Goro into his lap, again. "This?"

LINA

A little hesitantly, like he might step into water that was really hot, Goro got onto Hansel's lap. He sat very still for a moment, thinking, trying to decide if he liked it.

IZZY

Hansel kissed his head again. "Good?"

LINA

"I think so," Goro said. "Maybe -- maybe. Uh. Are we gonna, uh." His face turned warm again.

IZZY

"Eh?" Hansel was puzzled, then immediately also blushed. "Pff, nah, nah. Just cuddlin'. We do a lotta cuddlin'."

LINA

Goro was quiet for a long time. "Okay, but. You're real hot, though."

IZZY

"Aye, well," Hansel said awkwardly.

LINA

"And you said it's great."

IZZY

"Yeah, but ..." Fuckin' Valkur, Hansel didn't know how to have this conversation.

LINA

"I ain't saying I wanna right now," Goro said quickly. "Or -- fuck. I mean, what's the normal amount of time people wait before they -- fuck. Fuck."

IZZY

"There ain't any normal time," Hansel said quickly, kissing his hair again. "S'just, uh, eh. Fuck. I mean, if you end up not bein' able to remember for a while, maybe, but right now -- I know you, an' you don't really ... know me. It ain't balanced. Just ... It'd be fucking weird for me. M'sorry." He winced.

LINA

"Ain't balanced? Oh, like, uh, like..." Goro snapped his fingers. "Bet you're the kinda guy who won't sleep with someone if they're hammered, either."

IZZY

"I mean, yeah. Nah." Hansel supposed he had a few times, mostly when he was young, and drunk himself, picking people up in bars, but that felt different than fuckin' ... fuckin' his husband when his husband didn't know who he was.

LINA

"'Course you're like that. Fuckin' gentleman, and shit. Love it. It's hot."

IZZY

Hansel snorted, amused.

LINA

Goro tried to remember what fucking was like, but he couldn't. He had a vague sense that he knew how it felt to jerk off, and that it was good and he liked to do it, but he couldn't remember any instances of it. Kind of like how he'd known he wanted to eat earlier but couldn't remember having any foods.

He tried to make himself relax on Hansel's lap, but he was just so goddamn... aware of their bodies touching, when he was in this position.

IZZY

Hansel kissed his head. The coffee must be wearing off, or he just felt better because he was with Goro, again. He wanted to ask if they should go upstairs, if Goro wanted to try sleeping together -- just sleeping, god -- but he was a little worried Goro would say no, and then he'd be alone again. They'd both be alone again.

So he just started petting Goro's hair again, since he seemed sort of tense, and that usually settled him.

LINA

Goro breathed out, slowly relaxing against Hansel. Man. Was weird, how Hansel knew exactly how to touch him, and where. Wasn't a stretch to say he literally knew Goro better than Goro knew himself.

Which... made him a little uneasy, still, when he thought about it. Maybe it was all a big fuckin' trap. Sure didn't seem like it, though.

"Um. Anyway," he said, eyes still closed. "If you wanna -- if you wanna go back to your trident practice. I'll sit here and watch. Like I said, I just... didn't wanna be alone."

IZZY

"Rather sit with you," Hansel murmured.

LINA

"Psssh. 'Kay."

IZZY

Hansel kissed Goro's head a couple more times and settled, breathing out slow and deep, closing his eyes.

LINA

"Ain't it... boring?"

IZZY

"Hm?" Hansel asked, sleepy.

LINA

"Just sitting here with me."

IZZY

"Psshh. Nah. One of my favorite things t'do. Besides," he admitted, "pretty tired."

LINA

"Oh. D'you wanna go to bed? Don't let me keep you up."

IZZY

"I can sleep here. I can sleep standin' up," he added. Didn't add that he was pretty sure he couldn't sleep without Goro.

LINA

"Pfff, okay, but. Should we, um. Go find somewhere more comfortable, I guess? Gettin' kinda cold out here." He squirmed closer to Hansel to prove the point.

IZZY

"Oh, aye. If y'want."

He wrapped around Goro a little more securely and stood, picking him up without thinking about it, then froze.

"Uh." He waited, awkwardly, for any indication Goro wanted to be put down

LINA

Goro grinned up at him stupidly.

IZZY

"This ... okay?" Hansel asked, just to be sure, leaning back to look at Goro.

LINA

"Ah, well. You're so big and strong I ain't got much of a choice, seems like." Goro went kinda limp, still grinning.

IZZY

He frowned. Was the kinda thing Goro would say when they were fooling around. So it seemed like ... something he just liked, considering he was grinning like a fool. Still, though.

"Y'do, though," Hansel said firmly. "I don't wanna do anything you don't want me t'do, y'know."

LINA

"Oh. I don't think you should worry about it. I found a lot of knives on myself earlier. I think I'm the kinda person who just stabs people when I don't like what they're doing."

IZZY

"Aye, well, sometimes," Hansel had to admit. "I'm bein' serious, though. Hey." He frowned. It was like he had to retrace his steps. "No bullshit. I can't --." He hesitated. "I can't do this 'less you tell me you're comfortable with it, a'right?"

LINA

Goro frowned for a second, thinking about it. He didn't wanna be dishonest. "I think I'm comfortable with it. I... I feel pretty safe with you, I guess."

IZZY

Hansel studied him, for a moment, closely. It wasn't so much that he thought Goro was uncomfortable -- just that he fuckin' needed it said out loud for himself to not be goddamn uncomfortable. He needed to know Goro was thinking about it. Paying attention to himself.

"M'kay," he said after a beat, leaning in to kiss Goro's forehead. "Thank you."

He shifted Goro a bit to get more settled in, and started towards the door.

LINA

"D'you think we can stop and grab a snack on the way?"

IZZY

"Yeah, 'course." He wondered if Goro had ended up eating everything he'd left up in the room, but he didn't wanna ask, make him self-conscious or anything. "Anything in mind?"

LINA

"Nah. Whatever you got. Just... well, I seem like a hungry guy. I keep getting hungry."

IZZY

"Tends to happen," Hansel pointed out. He gave Goro a curious look. "Maybe you eat more when you're freaked out. Never noticed. I always cook a lot when I got shit goin' on."

LINA

"Um, Luci said I like... chocolate cake, I think it was. That actually sounds pretty good."

IZZY

Hansel grinned. He nudged open the sun room door to head for the kitchen. "There's cupcakes. Couple days old, now, but they're still good. Mm, I bet tomorrow my mom'll bring over a blackberry pie. Y'like those, too."

The kitchen door was still open, so he just glanced at the frame to be sure they were gonna clear it -- thinking about that night he'd carried Goro to bed at Mishka's estate. That first time. Probably shouldn't tell Goro that story -- at least, not unless he asked.

LINA

Goro smiled at the way Hansel carefully carried him through the door. "So, you carry me around a lot?"

IZZY

"Much as you'll let me."

LINA

"You telling me I could get away with never walking on my own again?"

IZZY

"S'what I promised when we got hitched," Hansel said solemnly.

LINA

Goro snickered. But that reminded him of something Larkin had said earlier -- about how at his wedding, there'd been something cute but easy to make fun of. She'd tried to apologize for bringing it up after, but it still gave Goro a weird feeling.

He could ask Hansel, but... maybe not right this second.

"So, about the cupcakes."

IZZY

"Mm." He set Goro back on his feet in the kitchen and glanced around. Someone had been in here earlier, ransacking the pantry, and left booze out on the counter. He was guessing Morgan. "Hey, you have a good time with Morgan, earlier?" he asked, rummaging through the fuckin' detritus for the cupcakes. "She can kinda be a fuckin' disaster."

LINA

"She was really nice," Goro said defensively.

IZZY

"Ah. S'good." He found the container they were in and pulled a few out to put on a plate. "Aye, two of you get along real well."

LINA

Goro frowned. "Do you not like her?"

IZZY

Hansel shrugged and brought the plate over. "Dunno," he admitted. "Like her well enough. Just worry she'll ... hurt you, somehow, is all. Make some kinda bad decision and get herself fucked up."

LINA

Goro plucked a cupcake off the plate. "Ain't that a risk with knowing anyone, though?"

IZZY

"Aye, s'pose. Just get protective." He leaned in to kiss Goro's head. "You wanna go up?"

LINA

Goro nodded, nibbling the cupcake. "S'real good."

IZZY

"Mari taught me how to make'em, with real good chocolate." He grinned a little, again. The exhaustion was really hitting him. "I carry you, you carry the cupcakes?"

LINA

"I can walk," Goro said. "You said you're tired."

IZZY

"Nah, I don't mind. Like doin' it."

LINA

Goro frowned skeptically. "You say so."

IZZY

"I do." He held the plate out to Goro.

LINA

Goro shoved the rest of the cupcake he'd started on in his mouth and accepted the plate.

IZZY

Hansel smiled a bit, again. He kept finding himself doing that, whenever Goro did something ... like himself. Part of it was just that he fucking liked the things Goro did, liked the way Goro was, liked it all the time, but part of it, too, was that every little mannierism or habit or bundle of familiar-feeling words was a soft reminder that Goro was indeed still himself. Himself, give or take. Shoving food into his face, looking suspicious, asking for things real careful like he was afraid of not getting them, thinking hard about who he was and what he liked, no matter what he remembered.

Hansel wrapped around him, mindful of the plate, and kissed his hair and sighed into it. He wanted to say love you, again, because he always wanted to say it, but he worried it might come on too strong. Might make Goro feel ... pressured, or uncomfortable, or something. So he thought it real hard and gave Goro a good squeeze, and figured that -- when Goro got his memory back, and he remembered this, he'd know what Hansel had been thinking.

LINA

Goro made a murmur of surprise and squeezed back, one-armed. "I like how much you like hugging me," he said quietly, shyly.

IZZY

Hansel mm'd. He swayed them back and forth, a little. "Never met anybody that liked huggin' as much as I do, 'til you," he murmured.

LINA

"Seems like maybe we're a good fit."

Goro wondered what his old thoughts and feelings about Hansel were like. If they were the same as this -- warm, surprised, kinda swoony -- but stronger. If they were more complex -- deeper, or more conflicted. If there was parts of Hansel he didn't like or wasn't sure about. If there was hidden parts he'd now forgotten but had loved more intensely than he could even imagine.

Either way, he'd apparently liked what he knew of Hansel so much that he chose to spend the rest of his life with him. And, as far as Goro could tell so far, just based on the sense he had of himself -- his feelings about people seemed pretty damn spot on. He trusted himself, even if it was hard to trust everyone else.

Old Goro had made a good choice, he was pretty sure.

IZZY

Hansel smiled. He hoped Goro could ... feel that, same way he could feel that Hansel was safe for him to be around, and that it wasn't just something he was saying. Hoped he knew, somehow, that it was true.

"Real good fit." He squeezed Goro again, then let out a breath and kissed the top of his head before hoisting him up, sort of inadvertently copping a feel of his ass in the process. Was just how he was used to doing it. "Uh."

LINA

Goro jerked a little, then flushed, then grinned stupidly at Hansel again.

IZZY

Hansel pffft'd, and a little pointlessly, asked, "That okay? Sorry."

LINA

Goro kept grinning. "Yeah, it's okay."

IZZY

"A'right." He could feel himself blushing a bit, which was fuckin' stupid, considering this was his husband, memories, or no. "Good."

He started out through the dining room, heading back to their rooms.

LINA

Goro put his arms around Hansel's neck, kicking back like he was some damsel in distress and Hansel was the hero come to rescue him. Which... really, not that far off the mark.

He leaned up to give Hansel a quick kiss on the cheek.

IZZY

Hansel hefted him a little more upright to reach the top of his head, kissing him just as quick.

LINA

Goro curled up much as he could in his position, grinning and half hiding his face. This was making him giddy, almost. He wanted to try kissing Hansel on the mouth -- maybe full-on just makin' out with him -- but the mere thought of it was enough to get his blood heading southward. Fuckin' Hansel, being all sexy and shit, and already being interested in and loving Goro. Just a tailor-made dream guy coming outta nowhere.

"Ey, uh, which bedroom are we going to, anyway? Or... other room. Just. Y'know. What room. Where."

IZZY

"Oh. Was headin' back to yours." Hansel hadn't really considered anything else. "Mine's just next door, though. Or we can sit in the, y'know, sitting room." He shrugged. "Whatever y'want."

He acted like he didn't notice Goro kinda squirming around, turning warm. That seemed like it was ... diplomatic, he guessed? God, it was fuckin' weird. All he wanted to do was cuddle with Goro and pet his hair, kiss his head, but it was difficult to act like that wouldn't normally be leading somewhere else. Hansel couldn't just -- drop him, stop touching him at all. Neither of them wanted that.

LINA

"Anything's fine," Goro said. "I mean. It's all kinda the same to me. I guess. You said you were tired, though, so we oughta go somewhere you feel like sleeping." He thought of the heavy blanket on his bed. "Oh. Oh, I wanna get my blanket, though. I like that thing."

IZZY

"I can sleep anywhere, ahuv. Your room's got more locks," he pointed out. "If, uh, that's been helpin'."

LINA

"Nah. I ain't been bothering. Well, I'm kinda scared to mess with 'em, more like. What if I put poison needles and shit in there? Old me, I mean."

IZZY

"Hm." Hansel couldn't exactly put his mind at ease on that one. "Aye, y'might've."

LINA

"Guess my room's fine," Goro said slowly. "I mean, might as well. My blanket's in there."

It also occurred to Goro that if they slept in Hansel's room, Mishka might come in at some point, and hell, maybe even bring Raef with him, which... Goro wouldn't blame 'em at all, but he figured the fewer disturbances while he was trying to sleep, the better.

IZZY

"Works for me." He kissed Goro's head again, automatically. "I can ... read t'you, if you want. For somethin' to do."

LINA

"Oh. Read what?"

IZZY

"Dunno. Whatever you want. Can stop of here at the library, or we both got books in our rooms."

He paused on the second floor landing, since that was where the library was, and all, lowering his voice in case Ombre was asleep.

LINA

"Maybe something from my room. 'Cause I can probably be pretty sure I'll like those ones."

IZZY

"Yeah, sure thing." Hansel kissed his head again and carried on. "Got novels in my room. Y'know, adventure books, an' such. Dunno if you like them or not."

LINA

"I don't know either," Goro said. "Do I usually? You never tried reading one to me before?"

IZZY

"Nah. I mean, normally y'just ... read yourself." He frowned a little. They'd read together, sometimes. Goro spent a fair bit of time in the library with Ombre, and checking out books when they went to new places. Was fucking sad, that he'd forgotten how to read. Hansel supposed it was something he'd learned how to do a bit later, though, once he'd met Amari and all.

LINA

"Huh. Seems like I been missing out. Having my husband read an adventure book to me sounds neat."

IZZY

"Psh. A'right, well, if you like it, I'll keep at it."

They'd reached the sitting room, by now, so Hansel lowered Goro down onto his feet.

"I'll grab a couple books so we got options an' meet you in your room, eh?"

LINA

"Ah. Sure." Goro took a step back, then paused.

He made no move to go into his own room. He had this weird, bad feeling that if he did, Hansel would just fuck off, and not actually come meet him there.

IZZY

Hansel didn't quite step towards his room -- kind of just leaned in that direction, then hesitated, because he was still looking at Goro.

He slipped his fingers between Goro's to pull him along.

LINA

Goro followed along, relieved.

IZZY

Hansel didn't have much in his quarters -- had never felt the need for things, and since his and Mishka's rooms were separate, now, there were only a few of Mishka's things strewn about. Goro tended to be tidy, and not leave things laying around except his blanket. The old Red Blade shield -- chipped and scratched and repainted and refinished a hundred fucking times -- was over the fireplace, and the storm globe glowed by the bedside. Other than that, it was a nice couch shaped like an L by the fire, some blankets and pillows from Mishka, a wardrobe he'd left cracked open a bit, a chest at the foot of the bed, a weapon rack on the wall, and a small bookshelf.

He went over to the weapon rack, first, to settle Taavit's trident next to the clockwork one, alongside the magic javelins. Went ahead and put his axes away, too. Still had a dagger in his boot, and he shifted his blackberry sprig to his wrist.

Then he went to the bookshelf. His bug-out bag was under it, and then there were three shelves, and the top had some of Leigh's little wooden figurines on it -- a bear, and a shark, and a ship, and a ram, and a raven. Things he'd thought Hansel would like. Some of the dyed paper from Hansel's attempts at folding paper nicely, too. He'd gotten good at stars, but roses and birds were too much hassle.

He ran a finger across the spines of the books. "What d'you reckon? Pirate story? I can tell you all the shit they get wrong."

LINA

"Yeah. Sounds good." Goro was looking around, taking in details. Mishka had shown him the room before on a tour, but he hadn't spent much time here. Apparently he slept here every night. "You sure got a lotta weapons."

IZZY

"Aye." Hansel pulled a couple off the shelf, not thinking about it too much, looking to Goro again. "S'what I'm good at. Stabbing, throwin' sharp things."

LINA

"You're good at lotsa things," Goro said admiringly. "Cooking. Stabbing. Hugging. Reading stories, I bet."

IZZY

He scoffed a little. "Y'know we're already married. You ain't gotta flatter me," he teased, kissing Goro's head and pulling him on towards his own room.

LINA

Goro scoffed. "I ain't flattering. Just saying what I think."

IZZY

"Pssh, aye, a'right," he allowed.

LINA

Goro was quiet for a moment, walking alongside Hansel back to his room. "You don't got very good, uh. Self esteem. Seems like."

IZZY

"Eh?"

LINA

"Seems like you don't think too highly of yourself."

IZZY

Hansel shrugged. He closed Goro's door behind them and locked it.

LINA

Goro frowned. "But you're so fuckin' great."

IZZY

"Just a person, love," Hansel said firmly, not really wanting to get into it. Wasn't like he fuckin' wanted to dredge up bad shit as proof and make Goro freak out. Just wanted him to feel safe. "Just ... a normal amount of great, or whatever."

LINA

"Guess it's fine to be humble," Goro said uncertainly. He had a feeling that wasn't what was really going on with Hansel, though. He just sensed Hansel was down on himself.

IZZY

"Mmhm." Hansel was pretty sure he wasn't humble, either, but he carried the books over to the couch, where the blanket was, and beckoned Goro over.

LINA

Before heading to the couch, Goro grabbed the book off his altar that he hadn't been able to read before. He cracked it open again and frowned at it as he made his way to the couch.

He plopped down next to Hansel. "Hey. What the fuck."

IZZY

"Eh?"

LINA

Goro grabbed one of the books Hansel had brought, still frowning, and looked back and forth between it and the fancy book. "Oh. It's another language, I guess?"

IZZY

Hansel looked over his shoulder. "Oh. Aye. Your, uh, prayer book thing -- s'in Celestial, I think? I can't read that. Luci could."

LINA

"Oh." Goro kept looking back and forth between the prayer book and the novel. "Motherfucker. I don't think I forgot how to read at all. Think I just don't remember Celestial."

IZZY

"Ohh." Hansel perked up a bit. "Hey. That's fuckin' great." He slipped his arm around Goro to squeeze him against his side and kissed his temple. "Still read t'you if you want, though. Wonder if you remember orcish an' elvish. You know a lotta fuckin' languages."

LINA

"I do know orcish. You been calling me pet names in orcish." Goro smiled sheepishly.

IZZY

"Pffft." For some reason, having it pointed out was embarrassing. "Aye. Well. I meant -- if y'could still read it, too. Think y'knew how to speak it a long time before you could read. An' you started havin' trouble with nighthand before this, an' and that was the last language you picked up, I think." Or maybe it was draconic, from Mishka. Hansel wasn't sure if this whole fuckin' thing was based on when he'd learned shit, or not. Supposed he was just guessing.

LINA

Goro stared at him blankly. "Nighthand?"

IZZY

"Aye. S'a sign language. Speak it with your hands. Huh." He paused, thinking. "You remember thieves' cant?"

LINA

Goro wasn't sure if he did. He lifted one hand, about to try something with it -- something that he thought might mean maybe -- but he hesitated. Maybe it wasn't cant. Maybe it was just a gesture, and he'd look like a dumbass if he tried. He dropped his hand and shrugged, looking down.

IZZY

"I don't know it," Hansel admitted. He grinned a bit. "Couldn't tell ya either way. Fool me."

LINA

Goro scoffed half-heartedly.

IZZY

Hansel pulled him in close again and nuzzled into his hair. "So you want me t'read to you anyway?"

LINA

Goro nodded. "You got a nice voice."

IZZY

He settled in, stretching his legs out and turning a bit, and patted his chest before realizing he probably ought to explain. "Uh, y'like layin' against my chest. Like how it's rumbly when I'm talkin' and such." God, it was fuckin' weird to say it out loud. Weird to have to say things about himself that Goro liked.

LINA

"Oh. Yeah." That made perfect sense to Goro. He didn't wanna question it too much. He climbed onto Hansel and rested his ear against Hansel's chest.

IZZY

Hansel pulled the blanket over them, pretty fucking content with that, and flipped the book open.

He'd read a lot of shitty pirate stories, and most of them kind of blended together, at some point. The real good ones -- the ones actually written by sailors, or at least folks who'd been on a goddamn boat before -- tended to stand out, but this wasn't one of those. It seemed vaguely familiar, but he figured it must either be a lot like some other trash he'd read before, or else it'd just been some time since he'd cracked this open.

Fairly stock stuff. A young man goes out to sea, was how it went, not for money, seeing as he was from a family of rich merchants, but for the adventure of it. There were some passable bits about nimble crewmen adjusting the sails, though Hansel snorted and commented on it when they got tacking and jibing mixed up. Some loving detail was put into painting a picture of the handsome captain of the ship, and that vaguely rang a bell, but Hansel moved on past it and to the bloody battle when pirates inevitably sailed in and scuttled the vessel.

Then the main character wound up shackled in the pirates' hold, and Hansel all at once remembered what kinda book this was, actually, as he read those real specific descriptions of the way the shackles bit into the man's wrists, and how the pirates had stripped him -- to make sure he wasn't secretly armed, of course. Not for any other kinda reasons that might've had anything to do with how the book was pointing out how attractive the pirate bosun was, and how he'd fought with a lariat, of all things.

Hansel cleared his throat, mid-chapter. Should've really paid more attention to the books he was grabbing. Should maybe put these ones on a different shelf, or something. "You, uh ... you getting tired, at all?"

LINA

"Um. Not really," Goro admitted. "But we can stop if you want."

IZZY

"Hmm." He kind of wanted to offer that Goro could keep reading it by himself, and Hansel would nap, but that seemed like it might be fuckin' awkward, too. He didn't really want to stop entirely -- was nice and cozy, really, not feeling wiped out anymore -- but if he suddenly decided they oughta read something different, that would definitely be fucking weird. "You enjoyin' it?"

LINA

"Yeah. Leon's a fuckin' idiot, though. It's like he fuckin' wanted to get captured."

IZZY

"Uhhh," Hansel said.

LINA

"What?"

IZZY

"Uh, I'm gonna level with you, here, I forgot what kinda book this was -- well, just wasn't really payin' attention when I grabbed it, more like," he admitted. "But this one's, y'know, smutty."

If he had to remind Goro of what smut was, he was going to fucking die.

LINA

"Oh. What's that mean?" Goro bit down on his nail to keep from snickering.

IZZY

"Uh. Porn?" Hansel tried helplessly, in case Goro remembered that one.

LINA

"You're gonna have to be a little more specific." Goro's eyes were watering with the effort of trying not to giggle.

IZZY

"It's about fuckin'," Hansel blurted, then immediately fucking caught on and narrowed his eyes. "Hey."

LINA

Goro burst out laughing, curling up and pressing his fists against his eyes.

IZZY

"That was fuckin' mean," Hansel protested, half-laughing himself.

LINA

"Sorry." Goro tried to stop giggling and just wound up snorting a few times. "You were all embarrassed, and shit. It was... it was real cute."

IZZY

Hansel scoffed lightly, grinning at him. God, that was fuckin' good -- seeing him laugh.

LINA

"Anyway." Goro coughed and swiped away tears. "Uh. Hm. Sounds good, but uh... yeah, maybe you shouldn't go getting me all riled up." His face turned even warmer. "You could leave it here, though, and I could... read it on my own time, when you're busy."

IZZY

He snorted a little. "Aye, if y'want. Can give you a li'l private time with Leon."

LINA

"Psh." Goro shoved Hansel's shoulder. "I'm more interested in the, uh... the... bow... bow-sun."

IZZY

Yeah, that fuckin' checked out. "Pfff."

LINA

"Might be I got a thing for sexy pirates."

IZZY

"With ropes," Hansel said, before he could stop himself. God.

LINA

Goro's eyes widened briefly. "Yeah. Yeah." He bit his tongue, wanting to ask if Hansel had a lot of ropes.

IZZY

"Uhh, pff, never mind." Hansel tossed the book away. "Cupcakes?"

LINA

"Uh huh." Goro stared into space, picturing things.

IZZY

Hansel just petted his hair, feeling fuckin' awkward and kind of guilty, and all fond and amused at the same time.

LINA

Goro stopped spacing out suddenly, blinking a few times. He looked at Hansel, then grabbed onto him suddenly, clutching Hansel's shirt and pressing his face against his chest.

Just this creeping feeling that he was gonna do something wrong, or stop doing something right, and Hansel would get sick of it and leave the room.

IZZY

Hansel made a quiet, alarmed mm? and squeezed Goro against him, kissing his hair. "Aw, hey. S'okay. What's wrong, love?"

LINA

"Um. I dunno. I just hope I'm not bugging you, or nothing."

IZZY

"Nah, nah." He frowned a little. Wondered if that was just something Goro couldn't forget how to do -- feel like people were gonna leave him. Probably fucking Jasmilia's fault, since Luci'd said that Goro talked about remembering his mom, but it hadn't been Amari. The oldest wound was still there. He kissed Goro's head again. "Never. Promise."

LINA

"I really like being with you, and I'd like if you could stay with me tonight, but I know if you need a break -- I mean, I get it. It's okay."

IZZY

"Goro," Hansel said gently. "I don't need a break. I wanna be with you."

LINA

"Okay." Goro squeezed his eyes shut, just trying to let that settle over him. Let himself believe it. "Just hope I'm doing it right. Being... Goro."

IZZY

"Y'couldn't do it wrong, ahuv," Hansel promised.

LINA

Goro settled into a more comfortable hold -- still clutching Hansel, but not as frantically. He guessed Hansel would know better than he would. Goro just wondered if Hansel missed his regular husband, but that was such a gloomy fuckin' question he couldn't bring himself to ask it.

"Okay," he said, making himself breathe more slowly. Seven breaths in, seven breaths out. "Okay. I think I'm okay."

IZZY

Hansel squeezed him. Figured that might help him settle, and besides, Hansel always wanted to do it, anyway. "Aye," he said firmly. "You're okay. S'okay."

LINA

"Thanks for being so nice about it all," Goro mumbled.

IZZY

"Psshh. Nothin' to thank me about." He kissed Goro's head. "S'what I'm here for."

[end]

TRP: Goro and Hansel (Midnight Cuddles). Night 407. A sleepless Goro, struggling with being alone, seeks out Hansel for company and hugs. Hansel tells him more about their history, they kiss, and Hansel reads to him in bed.