Is John Hammond a Bad Boss?

Episode opens with the Joels and Jackson in the studio asking the question “Is John Hammond a bad boss?” Joel Duscher inquires if they think they can run Jurassic Park better than Jon Hammond which Jackson does.

To begin with Jackson states that the Isla De Sorna used in the first film is too far away, with Joel Duscher adding it’s also too expensive. Joel Zammit expands on this by mentioning the charter of a plane or boat or a helicopter or a boat copter helicopter copter.

Jacksons first suggestion for relocation is smack dab in the middle of Los Angeles, like where the Truman show was, but quickly changes to central park New York, central Jurassic Park.

Quickly it is decided to change the name to dinosaur park to not restrict themselves to one era of dinosaurs. While ruining central park for everyone else a large fence is suggested. With infinite funding and the resources of Ingen, the decision is to clone a couple of dinosaurs but also other animals such as mammoths and sabre-toothed tigers.

Questions arise regarding the weather conditions in New York, so it is moved to Melbourne Australia with reuse of existing theme parks floated as an idea.

Due to weather at these locations not being suitable for either mammoths nor dinosaurs Jackson initially suggests shaving the mammoths but then they would just look like elephants defeating their purpose. This leads to the use of climate controls enclosures on a newly built park.

To alpha test the park Jackson states he doesn’t want archaeologists as used in the movie instead wanting children as “kid know what makes a good park”. This prompts Duscher to remind them of what happened in the movie with john Hammond’s grandchildren to which Jackson replies if mercenaries are legal. This would be fine as there are no plans to bread velociraptors or T rexes just mammoths, sabre-toothed tiger and pterodactyls.

Joel Zammit asserts that mammoths would probably crush the children, sabre toothed tigers would eat them, and pterodactyls would pick them up and drop them from a great height. Jackson says the sabre tooths are not that smart, Zammit replies they are cats and cats are crafty, they can get into all kinds of crooks and crannies. Duscher mishears this as crooks and grannies which could develop into a side podcast about grannies committing crimes.

Pressing Jackson on how he is going to test the park with the children the Joels ask him to walk through plans for the enclosures. They give him 28 10-year-old children obtained from third world country warlord with no adult supervision except the Joels and mercenaries.

The mammoth enclosure is a huge climate-controlled dome where visitors enter and follow a walkway around the top to look down on the mammoths. As this could soon become boring Jackson plans for a small meet and greet with, he mammoths with an elephant handler in charge. Duscher compares the elephant handler in charge of the mammoths with a grade one teacher having to teach a university level class.

Further description of the dome states it is concrete with just one metal door up on the walkway. At mention of possibility of kids climbing the railing of the walkway and falling off Jackson just states that everyone who enters the park signs a waiver and even on the TV adverts he says “come to dinosaur park if you die its your own bloody fault”

Thinking on the size of the sabre-toothed tigers Jackson say the enclosure will have to be quite big. The Joel’s have concerns that eh children are going to see mammoths mauled to death with both animals in the same enclosure, so Jackson suggests a wall. But a glass one to the sabre tooths can menace the mammoths. This changes to a separate enclosure for the sabre tooths with an aquarium style glass tunnel. Debate around the safety of such thing but with thick glass seems to be ok.

It is decided that there could be a feeding by chucking in a gazelle or whatever with a 15 plus rating. The expense of importing gazelles is looked at and alternatives of cows or rabbits are offered. Rabbits are thought too small, and sabre tooths would just pierce them, so a breed of horse rabbits is used instead.

At this point Joel D asks Jackson how many fingers he is holding up to which Jackson answers none. The same as the number of dinosaurs in dinosaur park Duscher says. Jackson says he will clone a few brontosauri and plesiosaurs. 10 plesiosaurs. The plesiosaurs with have to be housed in a big lake that you travel on in a boat. Zammit is reminded of the Jaws Poster. If they don’t eat you their wake will capsize the boat. Jackson explains that they are so big they can’t move much, and the boat can just go between them. This is animal cruelty so Jackson says to make the boat fast so it can outrun the plesiosaurs with a special guy to drive it, but then changes his mind and will do it himself.

With the kids strapped in and meat attached to the boat they will sail across the lake with the plesiosaurs in tow. At the halfway point a glass wall raises and the plesiosaurs smack into it. In the event of a malfunction a helicopter will yank the boat out of the water.

Body count so far 5 kids, 2-3 horse rabbits and all the plesiosaurs.

Next are the pterodactyls, tiny pterodactyls in an aviary enclosure you just walk into.

As everyone now smells of meat 50 tiny pterodactyls attack with the mercenaries fighting them off. Oh, and one terror bird, a giant bird from prehistory that ate meat and was top of the food chain for a while. Wears a muzzle. Forgot about claws. Terror bird takes down a mercenary and six kids

With everyone traumatised we move on pushing the bodies into the enclosure to feed the ducks.

Into the insect enclosure full of giant prehistoric insects like mosquitos, dragon flies and spiders. In this enclosure you enter via a shark cage and are lowered down. One kid is pierce by the mosquito then chucked down to the spiders and the Joel’s notice that the cell coverage is blocked stopping calls to the police.

On to lunch.

The Joel’s and Jackson sit in the park canteen to review the park so far. Lunch is Dino burgers made from the killed dinosaurs, plesiosaur and chips.  In the canteen visitors can get photos with ancient monkeys thought they run the risk of getting their faces ripped off. The Joel’s critique the park stating that the death tolls is 12 children and a mercenary so far only stopping there because they stopped Jackson. Pointers include shutting down the park and handing himself into the local authorities and for him to kill himself. They suggest he view existing zoos and model what they have done for dinosaur park.

After lunch it is revealed that the rest of the park is a roller coaster that goes through the triceratops enclosure and is rammed by the triceratops, the back cart is lost and another six kids dead. Then an ankylosaurs attacks taking out the second cart, killing the mercenaries.

At this point Jackson reveals he did in fact clone a couple of velociraptors which are on the roller coaster now having sneaked up on the remaining kids and leaving the two Joel’s and Jackson the only ones left alive.

Due to the waivers Jackson is SCOTT FREE!!!