Grape Kool-Aid

## Origin of Grape Kool-Aid

The phrase "Grape Kool-Aid" has persisted throughout the existence of Gabe Hults. Since he was linked to Kool-Aid by the infamous Matt C., who was accused of planning to shoot up his school, Gabe has forever been one with the names "Gay Gaybe" and "Grabe Hults." The original poem "Grape Kool-Aid" is available in many deep places on the web, but the original is broken down into five gorgeous entries, with the final two having been created after the Ressurection of Gabe. All of these were chronicled by Matthias J. Clausen in his breakthrough hit "The Gospel of Grape". The official form is as follows:

> **Dearest friends,** I speak to you today about my love for Grape flavored Koolaid. How I wish all substances but one were Grape Koolaid. The flow of Grape Koolaid from a plastic container is as the cry of the lonely swan. A thing of majestic grace, Grape Koolaid is surely trumped by no other. The pop of the toaster, informing me of the fully cooked status of my Pop Tart pales in comparison. Amen...
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> **Dearest friends, again** I poetically wax to you my love of Grape Koolaid. As it tumbles unto my glass, splashing on the ice, a Niagara Falls of Purple Drink fills the cavernous void of the glass; soon the void of my stomach shall be filled. For some, sitting by a fireplace is how to spend an evening, but not I. My evening would rather be spent with the result of 1 cup sugar, 2 quarts of water, and a content derived from the Heavens themselves.
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> **This time is thrice** that I scribe my love for Grape Koolaid unto you. A story has been told; the story of a young girl. Lonely and friendless was she, without a penny to her name. One day when she was walking to no particular place, she beheld an entirely new spectacle; Grape Koolaid. The sheer beauty of Grape Koolaid inspired the girl. Determined to overcome her situation, and down the glass of purply goodness, she studied hard. Shedding anything that might be a distraction, she fully committed herself to gaining the education needed to afford Grape Koolaid. As she wasted away studying, the only thoughts foreign to the material were of Grape Koolaid. As she lay dying, she could only imagine that Grape Koolaid awaited her wherever she may be.
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> **Fourth and finally** our tale continues, of the glory of Grape Koolaid. When I was but a boy, my name was mocked. Gay Gaybe, they mocked me with. I shunned their advances upon me. By rejecting their friendship, I was truly alone. Whence my daddy left me, I was drowning in despair; mama surely did not help me. Lost in my grief, I wandered. Arriving upon a Walmart, I headed inside, seeking salvation. The floor manager noticed my shambling, and approached me. I told him my woeful tale, and he listened. At the end of my tragic story, he directed me to Aisle 6, and told me what I would find there would make everything better. Arriving at the aisle, I saw a pack of Grape Koolaid. Purchasing the pack, I headed home. Upon making the Koolaid, I consumed the substance. Instantly revitalized, I swore allegiance to Grape Koolaid, and changed my name to Grabe to reflect this...
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> **Friends, after much ado** I have returned to continue my account of Grape Koolaid. The time is now, for we must act. As you know, Grape Koolaid is the substance of life itself, and we must respect it. However, a heinous act is in the makings. As scribed in the futhorc centuries ago, Walmart will no longer carry Grape Koolaid. At first, I thought it was a publicity stunt, but the letter indeed had verisimilitude. The vorfreude felt as I go to Walmart to buy Grape Koolaid has all but vanished. I call upon you, friends.
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> **Dearest Friends, much like** the Alvin and the Chipmunks franchise, which won't disappear and keeps coming back, I again extol to you the wonders of Grape Koolaid. Recently, I was in hell on Earth, a place so horrible only the bravest would go, who's inhabitants have been dealt the worst hand life could possible deal, what surely must be punishment for past sins. Yes, friends, I was in Detroit. While in Detroit, teaching the natives how to avoid the bears that hunt them, I asked if they had any Grape flavored Koolaid. When my query was responded to with a negative answer, I was most appalled. Surely, I thought, this lack of Grape Koolaid is what is wrong with Detroit. Determined to let these poor people know of what they are missing, and to save Detroit, I started my trek. Climbing the highest mountains, and braving the surrounding swamps, I hiked for weeks until I arrived at another town; Flint. When I asked where the Grape Flavored Koolaid was, they told me a story more horrifying than anything Detroit could come up with; They could have no flavors of Koolaid, much less Grape, because all of their water is laden with led. I told the devil, 'Daring you is an easy proposition, for Detroit hath no fury like a man scorned by being kept from his Grape Koolaid.' Mounting my steel horse that I ride, I wanted Grape Koolaid, and I would get it, whether I was dead or alive. For many moons I went forward, before arriving at a place that was not horrible; Chicago. Sauntered did I into the local Mart of Walls, and I picked up 6 packets of Grape Koolaid. Returning to Flint with the heavenly drink already made, I departed a hero, back to Detroit, where I would set off to the country of Nepal.
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> **Dearest Friends, at last** for the first time for the last time I tell you for the sixth time about the joyous pleasure that is Grape Koolaid. When sitting on a dew covered grass field, watching the sunrise, one would feel like there is no greater pleasure in life.One would be wrong.For it is as obvious as the nose on your face that the only pleasure in life for those of an intellectual background is the production and consumption of Grape Flavored Koolaid.Picasso, upon witnessing Grape Koolaid for the first time, cut out his tongue and blinded himself, as he was not worthy of such a glorious drink.
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These simple words have touched hundreds if not thousands of lives. You, too, can aid in the spread of the *Word of Grabe* by contemplating over the importance of this story.