173: Why Can't Mommy and Daddy Just Talk to Each Other?!

## Summary

Dew scouts ahead, discovering the village of Norton in the midst of a celebration of some kind, and is greeted by a very friendly dwarf named Brom. The other shipwrecked travelers are welcomed in and learn that the village-folk are honouring their god at the *Festival of the Rainbow Trout*, the culmination of which is a raffle to win an audience with the Trout itself. The group immediately set about putting the traumatic events of the day behind them and winning some tickets themselves. Dew displays his skill with a bow and arrow, Batthwack comprehensively burns a straw effigy of Chilchirah, and Will and Raphina utterly destroy the competition at the dance contest.

## Synopsis

It is night time. Captain Ool struggles to his feet. Everybody's pushed up against the starboard wall of the airship, by the door. Telepathically, he announces *"I'm going to open it up and see how far it is to the ground and make sure everybody gets out safely, so please back away."* He's able to pull the door open and they can see it's a four or five foot drop down to the forest floor. Captain Ool drops down and he starts helping people down where necessary. Dew and Batthwack also help people down from the airship and Raphina removes some of the material from her patchwork wall to expand her Lanky Pack. The party retrieves all their items stowed in the trunks, etc. Dew discovers his crowbar is missing. The ground under the airship is very wet and muddy from recent rain and Will is perturbed by this now that his boots have been stolen as he only has his smart shoes.

Once everyone is down and accounted for Captain Ool suggests they head for the nearby village where they saw lights and heard music. They set off with Ool leading the way. Batthwack suggests the party spread out so that they're both in front and behind the passengers. Will, walking with Raphina, is very nervous about trekking through the forest at night and also about the unknown village they're heading towards. *"What if it's like a gathering of cannibals or some shit, and we're all going to be killed?"* Raphina thinks she recognises this type of forest as much like the forests around where she used to live, though she's not familiar with this particular area. Batthwack's *Robe of Eyes* gives him a clearer picture of their surroundings in the dark as they proceed. He reassures everyone that he sees no threats.

Dew at the front of the group is the first to get a glimpse of their destination, the multi-coloured lights starting to appear through the trees. Ool continues to stride towards it, apparently unafraid. Dew is more cautious, offering to go ahead and scout. Ool instructs the group to stop.

Dew comes across a small settlement (a village at most) in the throes of some kind of festival with loud music and colourful lights. Most of the village people are out and having a great time. There's dancing, food and games set up in different places. Children are being throw into the air on a large tarpaulin. The villagers are mostly dwarves, but there are also a few elves and a smaller number of humans. Dew sees no guards, there are no walls, and nothing threatening at all, so approaches and says hello. He is greeted with friendly replies *"Welcome! Welcome! I don't think we've seen you here in Norton. Who are you?"*

Dew bows and says *"I am new to this area. I have come from a crashed airship. My name is Dewdrop Honeyblossom."* The group of villagers here seem immediately concerned for everyone's safety. Dew explains what happened and says there are others waiting in the forest. Dew is enthusiastically encouraged to bring everyone into the village and he hurries back to Ool and tells him it's safe. Everyone heads over there, Batthwack staying close to Will at the back of the group.

Arriving in the village, everyone is basked in the festive lights. It's not a very populous town, but everybody is out and about. It's thriving and happy. The group which Dew had introduced himself to welcomes everybody, claps them on the shoulders, and shakes their hands. The party are introduced to Fira, Urin, Brom and Robin. Brom seems to be the most outgoing on the group. He says *"Welcome! Welcome to the festival of the Rainbow Trout"* Dew asks them what they're celebrating. *"Well this is to honour our god, the Rainbow Trout."* Raphina bows, saying *"All hail the Rainbow Trout!"* and they all repeat it after her.

It's easy to take in the whole village, which is comprised humble homes, but not huts. They're small residences. It's relatively orderly. There are well-tended firmly packed mud roads/paths. The village is set right on the river, which is narrower here (around 150 yards across) than where Raphina had done her ferrying. They're significantly upstream from where she lived. At the far side of the river is a sheer stone cliff reaching up. The centre point of the village is a square, surrounded with buildings, in the centre of which is a well. Out in the centre of the river is a circular stone building/structure. There are stands set up in the square with food and games. People are dancing. The festivities even extend into the river, which is relatively shallow, with people wading up to their knees, dancing, splashing. The lights are strung out over the river, from the village to the stone structure.

Brom tells them that they'll happily put everyone up. He says they should rest if they wish, or join the festival. He says they have very few visitors. Some come up the river. They're kind of in the middle of nowhere, he says. He says they mostly export fish and import linens and cloths, goods, things like that. He says they have some pigs, but their economy is mostly based around fish.

Dew asks if they've come across or heard of a large group of gnomes travelling in this areas. Brom says he's never heard of gnomes. He asks Urin if he's heard of gnomes, and he says he hasn't. He says it's a pretty small place, so he would have heard of them if they'd passed through. Dew thanks him and then heads over to the river and begins playing with the kids.

Will asks what the nearest big city or town is; he's looking for a courier or something like that. Brom tells him that messages have to be sent down river. The nearest city is Beartoggle. He also says there's Morrow's Inlet, which is about 2 or 3 days ride down the river. Will is a little shocked to hear that Raphina comes from a big city. He begins imagining that all the food is made from twigs and dirt, the buildings from other nonsense, like bananas and burger patties. He's mad and worried about being stuck in this dead-end place. Batthwack asks how far Gully's End is from here. Brom says it's really far and Batthwack seems relieved. He's spent most of his life here in Norton. He says it's far, but not as far as Bufflin. Will's eyes widen.

Brom explains that the festival games are part of a competition to win tickets for the raffle at the end of the night. The winner gets to have an audience with the Rainbow Trout itself. Raphina asks if the god is in the circular building in the river, and Brom says *"Oh, yeah, that's the Trout Temple."* Will is really determined to meet this totally made-up god. Raphina wants to know how they win some tickets. Around them are different booths, labelled with bright, festive signs:

* *Shoot the Lizardfolk*
* *Fish Throw*
* *Hold the Wine!*
* *Well Dressing (by the well)*
* *Catch!*
* *Char Chilchirah*
* *Riddling Contest*
* *Dancing Contest*
* *Roll Your Tongue*
* *Greased Pig Catch*

Dew comes back from the river having learned about the games too. He's interested in *Shoot the Lizardfolk* and goes over to have a look. There's a little range set up with wooden targets in the shape of lizardfolk moving back and forth at different speeds, some closer, some further away, some bigger, some smaller. You get six arrows, and tickets are awarded depending on how many of the different targets you hit. He notes the games all cost money to enter. This one is 5cp.

Dew checks his pockets and discovers a grand total of 4cp and 3gp. He hands over the entry fee. He aims at one of the medium difficulty targets and his arrow flies true and hits its target. The crowd watching gives a little cheer. His confidence boosted, he aims at a harder target (smaller, further away and moving faster) and hits this one too. The crowd cheers. He fires at the other hard target and hits that as well. He then shoots the 2 easy targets, almost missing the second one. The crowd think he's showing off by making it harder than it is and cheer even louder. His final shot strikes the last target dead centre and the crowd gives a mighty cheer. He's awarded 10 tickets.

Meanwhile, Batthwack looks around for a weapons merchant. He can see a store front labelled West Shore Mercantile, but it's closed. He notes a tavern called *The Lazy Currant*, whose doors are wide open, with people coming and going. He approaches the *Char Chilchirah* booth. There's a straw-stuffed dummy, like a scarecrow, decorated in the manner of a big, fat, ugly-looking lizardfolk, sitting some distance away. A villager is attempting this game as Batthwack watches. They take a mouthful of alcohol, are handed a torch and then spit the alcohol through the torch in an attempt to incinerate the dummy. The object of the game seems to be to catch it on fire enough that it's significantly consumed. It costs 5cp to have a go.

Dew remarks to Brom that the villagers here seem to have a similar attitude to Chilchirah as the party does, telling him what happened on the airship with the pirates. Brom says the lizardfolk are *"a scourge on our town"* and is pleased to hear that the pirates were defeated, saying *"we've defeated many of them ourselves, but they keep coming."*

Will wonders if there's a trick to the Chilchirah game or if it's rigged. The booth keeper looks like local and doesn't seem shady though. Batthwack steps up and pays his money. The people before had been able to spurt the alcohol somewhat, but Batthwack is able to deliver a huge burst of fire, covering the dummy, which bursts into flames. Batthwack resists the urge to charge in and behead the dummy. He's handed 5 tickets. The villagers running this game dash in and put the fire out before the dummy is completely consumed.

Raphina goes to have a look at the dancing contest. This game is 2sp for a pair of entrants and the contest is about to start. *"I need a partner! Who wants to be m'partner?!"* she calls out excitedly. Will's hand instinctively starts to go up but he puts it down again when he realises what he's doing. This doesn't escape Raphina's attention though and asks him if he wants to join him. Will hesitantly plays it cool, saying *"If you want to win, pick me. I'll just say that. Although I don't think I've ever danced with a halfling. Well, let's do it. Let's blow these bumpkins away."* Will pays the entrance fee. They learn that the winning pair is the one with the most points after three rounds. Points are awarded to the pair for whom the audience applauds loudest. Will polishes his shoes and Raphina puts on her bunny slippers. The dancers take their places.

   The first round starts and the music kicks off. Will is surprised when Raphina begins dancing better than him. He almost mis-steps, but manages to compose himself and is able to keep up with her. It takes him a moment to get used to Raphina's height, but then he works it into the dance, lifting her up and making that part of the dance. Raphina dips Will low to the floor. He can't get back up from that low on the ground, so he makes an artistic move to get himself up. After the dance is over, Will and Raphina get the loudest applause. They were clearly the outstanding pair in that round and they're awarded the most points. There was another young dwarf couple that seemed to be pretty in sync with each other, perhaps they're married. They seemed to know what they're doing.

The next round begins. Again, the dance initially starts badly, partly because Raphina is distracted by Batthwack who's at the side of the dancefloor sort of joining in, stepping in time. Then she realises that this is encouragement and the inspiration from this really spurs them on. It's another huge success.

    In the final round, things don't go so well. One of Raphina's bunnies gets loose and she's trying really hard not to step on it. Unfortunately Will does step on it and then Raphina steps on Will's toe really hard because he hurt her bunny. Because of the skill that Will and Raphina demonstrated in the first two rounds, this final round just comes off as a clever interpretive dance. They even see a couple of the audience crying. The organiser of the competition steps up, wiping away a tear, and says they were due to have another competition after this one. *"This is an annual tradition here in Norton and nothing has even come close to what we've witnessed here today. Please, here, take the tickets from this competition and from the one that was slated to occur. You deserve it all. I wish I had more to give!"* He hands them 40 raffle tickets. Cheers fill the square and as things settle down people can still be heard talking about it, there's quite a stir.

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Abby. While walking through the forest, Batthwack suggests they comfort the passengers who seem fearful. Raphina tells him to let Will know as well because he's worried about being eaten by cannibals. Batthwack suggests she go walk with Will. Abby/Raphina says *"I feel like I'm in the middle. Why can't Mommy and Daddy just talk to each other?!"*

## Gallery

*Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice*
*"Raphina and Will's incredible tango, bunny slippers and all!"* (Art by Monty)*"Happy"* (Art by KT)
## References

1. ↑ See episode 64: Outhouse Being Hit By Dead Dog