Pain beneath the cold

## Content Information

The double doors push outwards with a mechanical hiss, Iva walked into the vestibule leading to outside of the hospital.  The woman pressed the button almost too aggressively and waited for the next set of double doors to mechanically open outside. The recent events fresh and burning in her mind. She couldn’t shut them out or her emotions, even if she wanted to…

(*The director’s office)*

*“Take the time off…?”*

*“I’m trying not to address the issue or incident as it stands. You’re a good person, Iva, but you have a habit of not showing your discomfort and keeping it bottled inside. While I do appreciate that you asked to excuse yourself from the emergency situation happening in that section, but…*

*A long sigh came from the director.*

*...you shouldn’t try to keep a strong front all the time. It was personal. You know it, and I know it. He’ll be in good hands, but you have to be in good shape too. You have a lot of overtime, we can just use that for the school records this week. Everything is going to be--*

“Okay...” Iva finished the last word with disdain. While she understood that the director was trying to comfort her, the result was made ineffective by her knowledge of the incident and what she learned of the incident in bits and pieces. It was her fault. It felt like her fault because she knew what they were going against. It was her miscalculation that they would have played this war without causing a commotion, and she made the call not to start a ‘witch hunt’ and keep others informed. Now, this…

...and could not happen to someone who deserved it less. How dare they? The rage was boiling inside her, but at the same, there was calm, systematic malice that was familiar around five years ago. That malice broke all morals and social inhibitions within her to remove the dangers from her life and her own.

*It’s not going to be okay... Not while they’re around, active, and not dead.* Iva’s thought concluded as the final doors of the vestibule opened up with a hiss, leading outside.

Waiting outside for Iva was Selene, she figured she would do it as a favor to Didi, stop Iva from doing something stupid that was. If Iva was anything like her and it seemed like they were similar creatures then she was thinking about one thing. How she needed to fix this and murder was the right path forward.

The pop star had just finished hosting Zenni’s show, she was angry too but it wasn’t personal in the same way, Xander was a big fan so that mattered to her, one of her first fans in fact, that was special but end of the day she barely knew the dude, people got hurt she couldn’t get mad every time a fan got hurt. Selene had managed to calm herself down from the particular incident, she was still furious but it was at the hunters, the cult, hell the people in charge around these parts for letting these holy little bitches keep running around.  Selene had to rope Iva in so she needed to be calm but not too calm, luckily her natural state seemed to be good enough.

Selene looked at Iva and said “Where are you headed, do you need to be somewhere safe? I can take you to your home, Hellfire, Didi’s place. I figured I’d find you here. I am not letting you be by yourself right now unless it’s your own home.”

Iva stared blankly at Selene, not quite looking like herself. In fact, Iva’s gaze was distant...and not quite looking at Selene, “I’m not someone who needs caring for. I can handle what comes my way if they come. Besides, I’m not pure-hearted to not be able to do it.”

The gorgon’s hated was burning bright, but there was something that she was holding inside. Something that was dark, traumatic, and of depression, it was suppressed behind that murderous urge to remove the threat, but, “Selene, what are you doing here? They won’t let you see him right now. Also. . .” Iva spoke with a scoff, “I don’t think he would have wanted to me, right now...or afterward. Should have never let him get involved with me.”

She wants to go home, but she doesn’t want to. She wants to do something, anything to make her absolved this failure,  to *unleash* this anger, “...you don’t look like you’re in any position to argue against what I want right now. . .you can hide it, but not from me.”

Selene's gaze unlike Iva’s didn't leave the gorgon. She rebuttals trying to convince her to let her stick around "I am here for you, not for your physical safety but your emotions. We're similar beasts right, you sense it too. I have an idea of how you must be feeling."

The demon queen of pop tapped her heel annoyed at the ground, Iva was right though it was true, she wanted what Iva wanted. Stopping her completely wasn't the goal, it was stopping reckless action. Selene sighed admitting a mild defeat "I want those people to pay, and that price should be heavy."

The Queen then took a brief pause before finishing before admitting a harder truth but one that might help her at her aim of protecting Iva "However, diving in as an emotional wreck alone. Iva, none of us can do it alone. I wish I could, it makes life easier but I need people like you for this. If you wanna match somewhere foolish at least let me come with you."

“Don’t you think I know that?!” Iva said angrily before her senses kicked in. After a long moment, a deep mellowing sigh escaped her mouth, “Please, if you can do one thing, at least give me a bit more credit. Yes, I’m pissed. I’m so pissed that whatever underworld that exists exploded somewhere.  I’m well and truly pissed off and everything you said, but not foolish. That’s the reason why I’m frustrated.”

Iva gave out a sharp breath, “I’m frustrated at this...T-this powerlessness. Knowing that I’m wise enough not to act on this anger now, but the sheer frustration that those bastards have so much liberty to do otherwise. Doing what they please just because we’re something that not their standards of good. That I would have to call for blood when all I really wanted was to have some peace after that *last* time.”

Iva wasn’t shouting or being loud enough, but there was strong seething behind her last words for Selene to get the picture. There was a deep moment of silence, “...Sorry, I know you’re trying to help me. Had to let off some steam.” Iva finally sighed, “Right now, I just need to get away from here. You’re welcome to accompany me.”

Selene listened to Iva not interrupting, she figured it was for the best listen and let her speak, after all this was about Iva. The succubus felt a bit ashamed of herself for assuming Iva wouldn’t know better so she admitted as much saying “No reason to be sorry, I shouldn’t have made so many assumptions.”

Selene asked “Where are you parked? ”

There was a lot to say but saying it in front of the hospital probably wasn’t the best idea, Iva was smart suggesting they leave this spot. The demon worked to hold in her own frustrations about everything going on, an attempt to let Iva be the vulnerable and angry one and for her to be calm, well as calm as she could be, and help her get out these feelings.

“...Should be near the employee’s parking, ” Iva stated.

Iva looked in the direction towards the more sparse parking lot, since Sunday tends to be light with people on shift. The thought occurred to her which compelled the gorgon to ask, “Did you come alone? I mean, what about your car?”

Selene pointed further away in the direction of her car and explained “Berry is gonna take it on a drive, go do some other check-ins with people, we know some monsters that aren’t in Hellfire, we want to make sure no one who is less popular got hurt.”

Selene never traveled alone, it was probably a reason why the cult never stepped to her, even if she looked like she was alone there were probably multiple people just nearby waiting to back her up. Also it would be foolish to attack a pop star full of stans across the country. Selene would see if they ever were so foolish but then again they attacked a rich guy whose family could hire the best PIs and assassins and well then ya know, game over. So perhaps they were that foolish.

“That’s understandable since I can predict that the boldness of this stunt would put everyone at unease. I would probably need to go through my channels to check in on others as well,” Iva sighed as she began to walk towards her car. As she put her hand on the car door handle, she spoke, “Honestly, I have no idea where to go right now…”

Selene considered her options, Hellfire was her default hang out spot but it was her home and there were a lot of people there, she might rather be somewhere nicer? She didn’t know enough about Iva to know her hobbies, they both liked hot butch werewolves, hated monster hunters and liekd to be in control.

Selene suggested “We could head by the arcade to hit some fictional people or I could buy you a nice meal, any restaurant you want on me. Does either sound good right now?”

“The idea of angry dating is strangely appealing. . .” Iva said kinda sheepishly as she pulled the door open. The door on the passerby unclicks and pushes itself open, “Alright, I’ll bite.” A dirty quip almost left her mouth. Instead, Iva said, “Never took you for the person that plays fighting games so this I will have to see.”

Selene took a seat in the car, smirking at the gorgon and said “If you would like it to be an angry date then yes, that’s what it is.”

She buckled up and shrugged at Iva “I am not an expert or anything, I like them when there are enough hot girls to play as.”

“Nothing wrong with that. It’s cool to find a character you want to hang out right and play at them.” Iva sounded a bit pathetic and still feeling angry high and aggressive, “Don’t expect any pro levels from me either, though I do control on instinct...if that makes sense.  Also would love it when there are hotter regardless on my end.”

There was a long pause during the conversation as they got back on the main roadway that led everywhere depending on the turn. It was during this long drive on the freeway, “You….were right to worry. I-” Iva froze, considering what she will admit to Selene.

The gorgon leaned back on her seat, allowing the snakes to keep the wheel steady as she talked,  “I-I may be at a point where I had to...what I believe Americans call it, ‘pull the trigger’.”

Luci came out and look ahead of the road while Iva could look at Selene briefly, “Right before my...seventeenth birthday. I was happy and want for nothing. Had no idea what I was. My mother wanted me to stay human or at least give me the value of a choice.  She hired someone to craft a spell on me so my gorgon blood curse would never surface, and I could keep my life as a human.  She had intended to tell me about the progress and my nature sooner, but we got into a splat about what happened to my other parent Amari. It got heated, on my end, because I didn’t understand anything about the separation or the fact that it had something to do with my mother’s *siblings*.”

Iva turned her attention to the road as she continued, “In the end, I stormed off, wanting to find something to celebrate my life and the coming of what was supposed to be my best year, according to horoscopes.  In order to get away from the house and celebrate my upcoming birthday, I went to a ferry fury or a rager that took placed on a questioningly acquired ferry boat. The party was amazing...with two of my besties at my side...”

One of the snakes flicked its tongue near Iva’s eye, catching something before it came out, “That’s until...there were armed guests on the boat. Monster hunting was a side note. These people, mercenaries, have a job to acquire supernatural products to the ever desiring black market, regardless of the expense for other creatures like us.  How do I know? Because my besties were arguing and discussing how much value Gorgon’s blood as a cure-all was on the black market while I was handcuffed and at gunpoint, along with a bunch of other non-humans. One of my friends seems like she was having second thoughts, while the other, it was his plan this entire time. To make it begin with a live constant source to keep.”

By the time there was a pause in the conversation, the car exited the freeway into downtown. Iva stopped talking. This was a hard topic that she shared with very few, and it was important to pay more attention to the road until they reached the large shopping area where the arcade. The car moved into a more sparse area of the parking lot before she shut the engine down. Iva leans back into the seat, sinking into it almost to the point that one of her snakes came up with a complaining hiss “I was listening to this. All of it, the friendship, the loving, everything was all for this night..just to make a rich and outdo his dad. Meanwhile, their mage brutally tore away three years of my mother’s work for that choice in order for me to transform, forcing me to morph back into my ‘original form that I hid so well...that I didn’t know i had” Iva scoffed, “ I was bloody from forced shapeshifting and in a lot of pain. Then, learning all that, being treated like a-  an asset….I think you have enough to draw conclusions on what happened next…My mother stopped me before it became worse.”

That rage flared and the other woman could sense it, but it was suppressed, probably for the sake of politeness.

Selene was clenching her first, it seemed like people who monsters loved everywhere were constantly betraying them. It was disgusting, betrayal, especially to that extreme. Selene tried to stop the rush of her own awful childhood from running through her mind.

The woman finally spoke, the anger that she had previously been hiding was leaking out into her voice "That's awful, I bet MHU was a nice escape and now...these bastards are here ruining our only little safe place. "

*Calm down Selene, you are here to help Iva, calm down, calm down.*

Selene put a hand on Iva’s arm "I had a pretty fucked up childhood too. 17 is actually a pretty traumatic age. You are not alone, I am here and I'll keep being here as an ally, friend, whatever it may be."

Selene couldn't imagine the particular trauma, how hard this had to be. For hunters to pop back up and start picking off her new monster friends. It had to be like relieving it but worse. Plus the Arsling scare couldn't have helped either. The demon's hand went on Iva’s arm words trying to come out but she didn't want to play the game here. Lie and say everything was going to be okay, lie and say no one else we loved would get hurt, lie and say that this will be over soon. Instead she managed to say "Thank you for sharing your story. I owe you mine, one day  if you want to hear it."

“If you feel like sharing, I’m open to lending an ear. Also…” Iva looked at the hand on the shoulder, casually plunking Dirk’s nose in chastisement to its threatening hiss at Selene. The gorgon knew the snake responses to Iva’s involuntary fear or anxiety as its fight in the ForF response, and that it couldn’t help itself,

Though Selene hasn’t divulged any details of her past, Iva felt something. She wasn’t quite sure what it was, but maybe it was the fact that both their trauma are related to the seventeenth year. Maybe because they had to deal with some terrible shit to the point that one could sense a kindred spirit? Iva kinda cursed the space between the two in the car, sensing the need that the succubus needs healing or venting affection just as much as her, if not more so.

“...Thanks, it helps that someone knows the degree of why I’m so hostile towards this group. If they were doing this to stop monsters from harming others, I might be a bit understanding...but, they have proven that shown hostility without regard for anyone. Not just with Xander…” Iva stopped herself. She trusted Selene, but the story involving Joseph and Sebastian will only be told from their mouths. It’s not her story to tell.

  “There was something dark in me that took great enjoyment on their deaths and my brutality, so much that it scares me. I know it’s probably going to need for the time ahead but…Most of the time, I wish I never have to.”

“We’re still people, it’s normal to not want to do this, to not want any of this, to not want to hurt people. I want to make music and make people happy, it’s all I ever wanted but the world has never been that simple” Selene said clutching at her hair, her horns poked out for a second but she managed to regain control and retract them.

The traumatized succubus said letting out a few words of solidarity  “It sucks, but knowing that dark self is there is important, the darkness isn’t your fault, it’s theirs, I hope you don’t have to do it after this. I hope this is the last time anyone here had to fend for their lives or the lives of others.”

Selene pressed her head against the seat of the car trying to center herself before sharing any of her own story “I wasn’t always a succubus, I mean I was always one but I didn’t know, my moms made me human, and gave me to a human family. That’s it’s own can of trauma worms but what matters here is when I turned 16 I started changing, which I thought was puberty, which was scary cuz I am trans and me and my older sister had to fend for ourselves. However, it wasn’t scary in the way I thought it would be. Before I found out what was happening I accidentally hurt my best friend Quinn who was still there for me after but then I was taken by my mothers. I came back, managed to get back, I wasn’t the same optimistic little nerd I had been, I was a succubus, but I tried to be me, the old me, and now I was hot and people wanted me, a lot of people and I could feel it.”

She was not at all humble bragging, her words were raw and pained, it was a lot, overwhelming. Selene took a breath and kept going “I got my first girlfriend, she used to be one of the only popular people who wouldn’t bully me  but she wanted us to be a secret, I was still poor and her family would never approve and a whole bunch of other stuff. So I was her fun time toy, and one day we got caught at school, which I thought would be fine right, it wasn’t her parents and her friends wouldn’t snitch right but...she decided to say I was forcing her to date her, and well, I had never been so hurt in my life….”

Selene stopped herself, realizing she had been going on for too long “Long story short, she asked for another private meeting and I unleashed powers I had only been threatened about before on her.”

Her nail traced the car door, trying to look away trying to blow herself off, after all people suffered way more than her, she was famous and rich. The girl tried to undermine herself with  “then more fucked up high school stuff happened then I went on a world tour, became famous and rich and ended up at MHU where I took over a sorority and made it a monster haven, you know so happy ending until this I guess...”

“To be used, manipulated, then tossed aside for their own betterment or to save their own hide.  I have experienced enough to not pass it off so quickly.  It’s fucked up and always be fucked up, Selene. You didn’t deserve that shit you went though, and try not to say otherwise. It would have been terrible for her if we were friends sooner,” Iva said finally with grit teeth, “It’s the very reason I keep myself cloistered in my aggressive nature. I didn’t want it to happen to me again...mostly due to the fact that I had begun to enjoy giving revenge, though my morals tend to catch up with me afterwards. While our reasons and methods differ, we do what we do to create that piece of peace and comfort from that hurt, and we’ll count our sins on what we do to protect it later.”

“Despite all that, I guess we both found our happy endings, somewhat mostly around MHU, and meeting various people, including each other,” Iva gave a more relieving sigh, really craving a strong drink now or smoke of herb rather than an arcade game  “Well,  I’m still trying to create a good ending for me. I don’t want to be alone, but I want to be in a position that no one will want to touch me with ill intent again or let them know that there are dreadful consequences for their actions. . .and...hmm, I don’t know how to explain it at times.”

Selene understood Iva’s words, she was far kinder than she would expect from another player of the game, someone so skilled being so kind, perhaps that’s what made Iva and herself scary. They were both nice and compassionate people, which means when you’ve crossed their line it’s over. Then again perhaps it was too early to judge Iva and it was always unwise to judge one’s self.

Selene extended her hand to Iva placing it on her shoulder and said “I get it, I think that’s why I wanted to take over Hellfire. I wanted to be surrounded by people but untouchable. It was a throne I could sit on and feel like I was close without ever actually being close. That’s changing now though, I’ve got more vulnerable but also stronger I think. Thanks to Didi and Laura and opening up more with people like you and everything.”

The girl grinned and smiled at Iva “I can sense desires you know, do you want to grab a drink instead of arcade time, we did get all emotional. I can drive, then have one of the girls come pick me up from your place.”

Selene made sure to add the last part, she wanted Iva but she did not want Iva to feel like she was pressured at all, there were lots of other days out there and even if they never got together, this right now was nice.

Iva seems a little mystified that she wanted to leave this place and get a drink was brought out of the open, until her memory caught up on that this succubus already told her that she sensed these things. The surprise, which was something she would normally become alert on, made her smile instead, “The SGA was not what I had in mind, but since they gave me that card I might as well play it for what it’s worth, but enough about that . . .”

“You’re right. I was thinking about that drink. I think that the other part of the suggestion was not completely me. . .” Iva said in a childing tone, before smiling at the succubus,  “Some parts of that were all you, but...I don’t think I will mind the idea at all.” With that, Iva clicked her car door open so she could step out and let Selene into the driver seat.

Selene swapped seats with Iva taking a nice glance at the gorgon as they did. The demon teased, starting to drive towards her favorite bar "Would you prefer I stay overnight Ms. Future President?"

Luckily the bar wasn't far from where they swapped seats and they were already parked at its parking lot. It was a general queer bar and a fairly small little place but they made some of the best drinks.

“I’ll be honest with you. I won’t say no today,” Iva smiled, though it was a held smile though tension at the least. The other girl was doing the same, considering all the things that happened from within the past, the current present, and maybe things to come. It was almost fairy tale-like, two rulers meeting finding out that their stories were almost the same as they think about certain things that happened.  “However, I have always been an opportunist, Queen Selene. I’ll take advantage of everything that’s present before me without one wasted bit.”

Selene almost wanted to kiss Iva right now, it felt appropriate but she held herself back, their connection was just so strong, she wondered what stroke of luck made this happen. Selene’s life had suddenly turned into the wildest, queerest harem anime she had ever experienced and she couldn’t lie, she loved it.

Selene opened the car door then twirled around to Iva’s side to get it for her feeling the flirty energy in the air.  The girl finally spoke and said “Good, I like a girl who knows when to jump to action.”

“Jumping isn’t the best thing for me. Snakes are known for sslithing, striking, and seducing.” Iva smiled slyly, “Maybe other things, but that’s not important now. Imagine which of the three could happen with a little encouragement and willingness…” The gorgon was still angry and anxious, but a distraction was a good alternative. A fun distractive and a break from the brooding war over their heads. A war for safety, security and hopefully no one has to deal  with the shit they went through.

The latter of the three was apt to happen despite their efforts eventually.  It is impossible. Iva can begrudgingly admit this, but she would have better comfort knowing that she could someone who can stand up for something like that, although she would have to deal with the one thing from where her trauma originated from.

The collective, calculating thoughts were interrupted by Selene wrapping her arms around Iva and poked her nose “and demons are known for getting what they want.”

She grinned looking closely at Iva, taking all of her in “While you were in thought I got a text saying I’m needed, it can wait for a few drinks though.”

“Yes, I agree. A few drinks now. Turmoil can fucking go hell where we can tend to it later..”