Tower of London

**Tower of London** was the first episode of the British comedy television series *The Goodies*. The first ever episode was written by all three members of The Goodies. The first ever episode also marked the first regular appearances of Tim Brooke-Taylor, Graeme Garden and Bill Oddie.

## Plot

Bill, Graeme and Tim have decided to run their own agency. Using Tim's inheritance, Graeme has made a modern high-tech residence/office that contains various features such as a fully stocked supermarket, a high-tech computer and a picture window that can show various images when the blinds close. Delighted with the new office (aside from the lack of a phone for which they utilize an old lady downstairs), they set to work on promoting their business, which is not exactly clear to any of them, considering their marketing catch-phrase "Anything, anytime" is too vague.

Bill, who was in charge of advertising their agency, has put advertisements into various magazines and newspapers. Graeme comments that Bill is casting the net a bit wide; Bill replies that he does not know what they (The Goodies) do. Tim comments that they were "going to do... good to.... people" — to which Bill responds "How wet!"

The Goodies are almost immediately summoned to the Tower of London, where they meet the Chief Beefeater in the kitchens of the Tower (renovated from a disused torture chamber). He tells them that somebody is stealing the Beefeaters' beef and, as a result, the Beefeaters are starving as they refuse to eat anything else but corned beef and are now only three feet tall. The Chief Beefeater asks The Goodies to find out who is stealing the beef, and why.

Back at their office, The Goodies attempt to solve the mystery by suggesting "bulls or poultry farmers" as the conspirators. However, Bill has a mental image (a strange effect from sucking on lemon sherbert) of a pictogram revealing that someone is starving the Beefeaters in order to steal the Crown Jewels. They are called back to the Tower (disguised as Beefeaters) by the Chief Beefeater, where they discover that the last remaining Beefeaters have perished "from the lack of beef".

The Goodies get to work, setting up an elaborate security system protecting the Crown Jewels from attempted robbery. Soon after, they catch a burglar who, strangely enough, bears an official royal seal that reads "by appointment". As the Chief Beefeater interrogates the burglar, The Goodies spot a man on a horse outside the Tower, who appears to resemble Prince Charles. Believing him to be an imposter and accomplice to the robbery, they go on a wild chase throughout London. When he escapes into Buckingham Palace, they realize that it was indeed Prince Charles.

Later, as the Goodies wallow in their shame, they receive a message from the Queen herself. She explains how The Goodies were actually protecting a fake set of Jewels as the real ones were pawned "due to a recent financial embarrassment". The Goodies had mistakenly foiled an attempt to put the real Crown Jewels back. They are let off the hook for their noble actions, and are requested to treat the embarrassing incident as a secret. Still in business and safe from jail, The Goodies rejoice.