News Websites

"*This just in, there's about to be a comment.*"
―Erik
News Websites is the 55th lesson of Internet Comment Etiquette. It was released on September 23, 2016.

## Summary

Erik is ready to start another lesson and Robot still has a rake in him from The Rake Under My Desk. Erik looks at a video of a shark and the journalists that it attracted.

Erik sets some rules. Yahoo News will not be covered because he already did that lesson and there will be no politics in this lesson. He goes to The Washington Post and picks an article about Hillary Clinton at random. He tries again and finds an article about ITT Technical Institute. He watches the video without reading the article and finds politics in the comments, so he leaves one of his own. He tries to find another article but it asks him for money so he leaves.

Then Erik looks at CNN and tries to find the non-political articles. He sees an article about dolphin language, but there are no comments on the article so CNN gets the "Biggest Pussy in News Award". Next, Erik goes to a Fox News article about a porn website, but he still has a dolphin comment that he needs to leave, so he leaves it there.

Erik moves on to a more casual news outlet, SourceFed. He avoids the videos about politics and finds one about ass wiping. Then he goes to another internet news source, The Young Turks, and finds lots of racism in the comments. Erik leaves his comment, but he expresses his disappointment in the racism in YouTube comments. He also finds racism in a Yahoo News comment section, so he feels compelled to leave a Yahoo News comment.

## Comments

*Hey I'm a journalist with "Balls of Steel Monthly" can we paraphrase this video in the middle of an unrelated article?*
- Erik

*I got a diploma from ITT tech and I don't even know how to use my own dick, let alone anything that has to do with technology. I keep trying to turn my dick on but it's like broken or something. I got a job now designing batteries for samsung phones and I dunno how that happened all I'm trying to do is invent a machine that wakes my dick up. I tried reading books and internet posts about it but like maybe I'm stupid or something. So no worries even if you're too stupid to figure out how your dick works you can still get a diploma from ITT Tech and get paid to invent machines that burn people alive in their cars. I didn't read the article BYE!*
- Erik

*Hey, Dolphin Dave here. I'm a Dolphin! I love eating fish in the ocean, napping with my belly up towards the sun, and watching my family members get systematically murdered by machete wielding Japanese people.**I've got a Dolphin wife and two little Dolphin babies and we spend all day hanging out, playing in the waves, and receiving lethal doses of radiation because Japanese people keep dumping nuclear waste on top of us.**We don't let tragedy get us down though, because if you could describe life as a Dolphin in one word it would be FREEDOM! Unless of course you're like my cousin Dolphin Jim who got snagged in a fishing net and then beaten to death so his bones could be turned into pills that makes the guy who invented the Playstation's dick hard.**But hey it could be worse at least we're not getting shot by cops for being black Dolphin Dave over and out I didn't read this article.*
- DolphinDave

*J/O'd in my car to this video. The family in the SUV next to me was freaking out calling the police but we were in traffic so the cops couldn't get to me. I didn't even realize I was in trouble until I got pulled over by my ex-boyfriend and we banged out on the divider in the middle of the highway till he got fired from the force and i got a divorce letter from my wife heyooo count it didn't read the article (\_)\_)::::::::::::::::D~~~~~~~~~~*
- Erik

*FUK U I GRAUDADED ITT TECH CUM LOUDA AND IM SMARTER THAN THAT PUSSY FUKKIN CITY FINALND SUCK MY DICK YOU CHEESE EATIN ELK FUCKERS. BET YOU WISH YOU HAD ITT TECH OVER THERE MAYBE YOU'D GET A JOB LIKE ME DESIGNING LEG BRACES FOR HILLARY CLINTON SO SHE DOESNT FUCKING FAINT ALL OVER THE
GODDAMN PLACE. TO BE HONEST THEY SHOULDA HIRED A DEVRY GRADUATTDE. I WAS 2 BUZY FUKKIN TO PAY ATTENTION NOW IM MAKING THIS LADY COLLAPSE EVERY OTHER DAY BECUZ I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW MYSTERIOUS DISEASES WORK VOTE ROMNEY*
- Erik

*Whites have it worst but blacks make a big deal about it.*
- Raul

*Hey you sound like the kind of guy who doesn't mind me talking about how much pussy I eat. So check it out, I eat more pussy than a coyote let loose in the suburbs. I eat pussy more than your wife thinks about throwing away her ring. I eat so much pussy that Leonardo DiCaprio's about to do a documentary about pussy disappearing across the globe at an alarming rate because I ate it all. I visited Japan back in the 80's and they invented pac-man after they saw me eating pussy up and down the street. Then I got some revealing emails from this pod of dolphins and I stopped visiting Japan after that. Long story short I eat more pussy than the incinerator at a PETA kill shelter and your comment made my dick softer
than a white dude's prison sentence.*
- Erik

*@realdonaldtrump are you banking on global warming so your lips'll stop getting frozen to russian dick?*
- @commentiquette

## Video

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