Open Season Twisted Edition 3.0

"Hello everybody time for our meeting" Said President Rump as he walked into the board room of Rump Meat Incorporated, the world's biggest meat company. "And today we have a great announcement. I have very special plans for today."

We, who were all Rump steak executives, stood up and clapped as Mr Rump waved modestly and shook hands with us. Finally he sat down and we began the meeting.

"Today, Rump steaks is the biggest meat company in the world. We are slaughtering over a billion cows a year, and smashing our competition who want to offer meat free alternatives to meat. But its not good enough. The demand for meat is higher than ever before, thanks to our fake news campaign to make people want more meat. America needs our delicious bloody meat products, America must never go vegan!"

We all clapped as Mr Rump slammed his fist down on the desk.

"Thats why I'm here to announce my latest plan - a plan that will let us double out production. Yes, with this plan we will be able to slaughter over 2 billion animals a year. Its very simple. We have to build a wall. We're going to build a giant wall in Texas and create the largest farm ever created, a factory farm, to make more meat. And it will be surrounded by a wall so tall, no cow or pig or chicken could ever escape it."

We all laughed and cheered at Mr Rumps genius, thinking how much money we would make.

"Mr Malo, I want you to lead this project."

"Yez you." I gasped in excitement, was I really being chosen to lead this great project by Mr Rump himself. "I know you won't let us down. Fly down to Texas tomorrow and build that wall."

I stood up and saluted.

"I won't let you down Mr Rump. I know America is counting on us to get its meat."

"Exactly. I know you won't let us down." Mr Rump shook my hand and I left the boardroom. I got in my limo and it took me home and I packed my clothes and then I went to the airport and I got on board the private jet. I was so excited. What would Texas be like. Would I be able to carry out this task to build the worlds largest meat farm? It was so exciting.

"Here we are sir, Dallas Fort Worth Airport." The pilot called out to me as we landed. I got out of the plane onto the hot ground. There was so much heat the grounf was dancing. A man in a ten galleon hat was waiting for me next to a pickup truck. He was smiling.

"Howdy like Texax, partner?" He asked in a deep Texan accent.

"I love it. I can't wait to get to work."

"Great. Well I'll take you to the site in my truck."

We got in the truck and drove away from the airport into the desert. There were cactus everywhere and the sky was so blue it hurt my eyes. We passed the skull of a dead burnt out creature that made me shiver in dread. The road was like a black ribbon and the landscape was like a dress of dark orange fabric with green dots on of the cactus. The sand wax the colour of pee when you hadn't had enough to drink for a while. It was so hot and thirsty. We seemed to be driving forever in an endless world of burnt out white skulls, tall cactuses, and endless rolling sardines.

"This is the place " Mr Red yelled at me as we arrived as U looked in dismay. There was no worlds biggest meat farm here yet - just a dust plain with a stand of TeePees on as well as a tiny section of the wall. Mr Red pulled up inside the TeePees.

"This is the construction camp."

"But there is no construction here just sand!" I yelled

"Too bad Mr Gobbled, that's your job". Mr Red laughed. I gasped. How would I ever get this job done?

That night I lay in bed in my teepee, tossing and turning with worry. Suddenly, I heard a mooing outside, like the sound of a cow. I jumped up and ran to my tent door. Outside there was no cow anywhere to be seen - but on the floor in front of me I could see something strange, a DVD disc. It said the words "Open Season Twisted Edition 3.0"

“Wow what is this a movie?”

I picked tit up and took it into the tee pee and put it into my DVD player. It began to play. Instead of Open Season however it said Open Season Twisted Editon 3.0. I didn’t even know there was a third movie in the Open Season film series, let alone what was this mysterious Twisted Edition.

"Wow this is weird." I said as the movie began. “Wowee.”

The movie was an old black and white movie, but animated. It showed a big meat factory. Suddenly one of the anthromphormothic cows which were the main characters in the Open Season movies came on board to the screen.

“Hello fucker. You know what you’re looking at?” The cow jerked his thumb at the big factory behind him. “That’s right, it’s a meat factory. That’s where all over the year, millions of harmless animals are slaughtered. And you know why? Not because of any bad thing they did, not because they were enemies in war … but because of your desire to eat their flesh. Your bloody fantasy of eating the animal flesh every. Single. Day. Destroys animals. How is that any different from cannibalism? So I’m going to give you a special tour, so you know exactly what goes down in a meat factory ….”

“Wow this is shitting fucked up.”

The animated movie went on through all the meat production phases in graphic detail, but it was too boring to describe here. Finally when he got to the end, the cow came up to a big pile of steaks being churned out of the meat machine.

“One of these steaks used to be my dear old mother…” The cow cried. “And you know who did this fucking deed?”

The cow looked directly into the camera.

“It was the Rump Steak meat company, in all their evil deeds. They are planning to make an evil death farm in Texas to destroy 2 billion animals a year. This movie has been sent to all animal rights activisists in South Eastern America ready to put a stop to their evil plans. Only you can stop them. And those who are doing the evil deeds? Yes. We are coming for you next.”

“What the fucking hell?” I cried, and in a reflex of anger, punched the cow on the screen. The TV cracked, and it went dead. Suddenly, I could hear something outside now the movie had been silenced. There was shouting. I though back to what the movie had said …

“*This movie has been sent to all animal rights activisists in South Eastern America ready to put a stop to their evil plans”*

I ran out of the tent, and sure enough outside the fence there was a protest going on. I ran to the gate and saw a crowd of animal rights activists, yelling and waving signs. The signs said things like “Ditch Rump Steaks” and “Meat is Murder”.

At the gate were two security guards, Mr Xiangchang and Mr Yershik, as well as Mr Gobbler, the site boss, who was wearing his usual cowboy hat and boots. They were all holding guns but they looked unsure and scared.

“They just appeared, how do they know about our plans?” He yelled.

“Someone hacked a fucking copy of Open Season … they made it fucking twisted. It riled up all these damn animal rights activists to attack us.”

“Someone? Who did fucking this shit?” He yelled, and just as he was speaking, I swear I caught a glimpse of the culprit. Hidden in the crowd, wearing a long black robe to cover his bovine features, was the creature. He had leaped out of the DVD into real life. Or was I just seeing things? I rubbed my eyes again and the cow was gone.

“I don’t know.” I said, ashamed.

“We can hold them much longer.” Mr Yershik warned. The animal rights activists were ramming against the gate, trying to break through.

“All right, everyone retreat!” Yelled Mr Gobbler. He pointed over to the unfinished factory where it was being built. “In there it will be safe!”

We quickly ran from the gates into the factory. I heard a big yell from the mob as they saw us running away, and the gates broke down behind us.

We ran into the factory, and closed the door behind us. It was still being built. There were big pipes everywhere and vast open spaces, as well as concrete and signs and hooks and chains. It was very eerie and overall a spooky and oprressive atmosphere.

“All right we will split up and go on patrol to make sure nobody gets in here.” Mr Gobbler said. “Mr Xianchang, you will take the basement. Mr Yershik, you go to the roof. I will stay with Mr Malo, as he doesn’t have a gun. We will patrol here.”

We all nodded, and Mr Yershik and Mr Xianchang ran off to the direction that Mr Gobbler had instructed them. As I walked off with Mr Gobbler, Mr Xianchang was running downstairs to the basement. It was very dark underground, and the basement was filled with bad smells. Suddenly, Mr Xianchang heard a clattering noise.

“Who’s there!” He yelled, pointing out his gun. But another noise came from behind him. He span around, but he could not see where the movement was coming from. Slowly, behind him as he looked around, a shape began to emergy from the shadows. The shape of a cow …

The cow emerged from the shadows with a wicked grin on his face. In his hands he held a chain of sausage links, which he tightened like a garrotte. With a glint in his eyes, he struck. The cow wrapped the sausage links tight around Xianchang’s neck, pulling him into strangulation.

"Looks like I found the missing links" The cow quipped as Xianchang struggled for life. A second, later he flopped to the floor, lifeless – dead.

Upstairs, we heard the struggle going on downstairs.

“Come in Mr Xianchang, come in Mr Cianchang? What’s going on down there, have they breached the perimeter.”

He did reply. Quickly, Mr Gobbler pulled out his gun and we ran downstairs to confront the attacking animal rights protestors. Only the basement was empty. In the corner was Mr Xianchang’s body – he was dead! I yelled out and Mr Gobbler pointed his flashlight on him.

His body was dead and blue, and wraped around his neck was the strangulation device – a chain of sausage links. There had also been a big bite taken out of his shoulder by what looked like cow teeth. I thought back to the sinister apparition I had seen outside the camp, but thought nothing of it. His shirt had also been torn open and the word “CARNIVORE” had been carved into his chest in blood.

“Whoa this is fucking gruesome as hell!” I spat angrily. “Who could do something like this?”

“Animal fucking rights protesters attacking our motherfucking camp. That’s only explanation.” Growled Mr Gobbler.

“We have to protect the perimeter! If they get inside we’ll be next!” I yelled. We ran back upstairs, and Mr Gobbler went to check the doors were still locked.

“There’s no motherfucking way those whores are getting inside this fucking building.” Shouted Mr gobbler.

Meanwhile, up on the roof Mr Yarshik was on patrol. Suddenly, he head a clattering behind him.

“Hello? Is anyone there?” He yelled pointing out the gun. In the corner he saw a shape. It almost seemed human, but not quite. It was – a cow! An anthomorphic cow.

“Freeze don’t move bitch!” Screamed Mr Yarshik. He fired three shots at the shadow, but the shadow leapt away with a deep laugh. Suddenly, he heard a laughter from the other situation. He turned, spinning, and fired off more shots at the pipes above him. He was just in time to see the cow shadow slipping away.

“Mr Gobbler this is Mr Yarshik, I need backup, I’m under attack. No, I can’t explain it, it’s not human.”

Mr Yershik dropped the radio and ran up the steps to the platform overlooking the edge of the factory. There were tall pipes, and Yershik heard a strange sound from behind them. It was almost like humming. Suddenly, he recognized the song. It was Fleetwood Mac’s *The Chain.* Suddenly he gasped in surprise as the humming stopped and a deep sinister voice called out from the shadows.

“You can never break the chain bitch.” Just as the voice spoke, a chain whipped out from between the pipes. It struck Mr Yershik’s hand, and his gun went flying off into the shadows. He cursed, and as it struck again he stumbled backwards, teetering on the edge of the building. Below was only a steep drop down to the Texan desert floor.

The cow emerged slowly, triumphantly from the shadows. He had a wicked grin on his face, and he winked tauntingly at Mr Yershik.

“I’m about to kick your grass.” He whispered.

With one leg, the anthormorphic cow kicked out in a judo-style, and sent Mr Yershik flying downwards. He hit the desert below with a splat and splattered out into a splash of blood.

Meanwhile, downstairs, Mr Gobbler and I heard Mr Yershik screaming as he fell. We ran to the window, and saw his dead body spread eagled on the floor.

“Fuck this shit, we need to get fucking the hell out of here. We’re cursed!” Mr Gobbler screamed.

“You’re right.” I said.

“You wait here. I will run to the front and get the car, and bring it round to the front to pick you up.”

I nodded. Mr Gobbler ran to the front of the building and snuck out the door. He ran across the desert yard towards where the garage was. In the car house, he tried to open the door but it was locked. Suddenly, a shadow emerged behind him. The shadow gave a deep chuckle.

"Sorry Mr Gobbler, you're T-boned"

The cow struck down with a large bone. It slammed in Mr Gobbler’s skull, and his head exploded like a melon. Blood splattered across the car, as Mr Gobbler’s headless body slumped to the floor.

I heard Mr Gobbler from the factory, as his head exploded with a loud thump.  I knew he was dead. I didn’t know what do now. I quickly ran into the heart of the factory, as I heard the doors slam open behind me. I knew what was chasing me. The cow. The evil demonic cow – an apparition, sent to torment me for my sins of consuming bloody meat and helping to produce the deadly carnal desirous blood food.

“Please, please! I revoke my support of meat! I promise I’ll never eat meat again!” I shouted as I ran into the maze of the pipes.

“This meat murders back bitch!” The voice called me from behind. Suddenly, I emerged into the centre of the new factory. There was a big meat machine. The cow attacked from behind. He grabbed me, and tossed me onto the conveyer belt straight to the centre of the meat machine.

“How do I convey my message?” The cow cackled, as he pulled the lever and the machine whirred into life. The teeth of the meat masher began to thrash. The conveyor belt pulled me towards them as I screamed. I couldn’t pull myself away. The hellish fires of the meat machine flicked as they swallowed me, I screamed.

~~~~~

“FOUR PEOPLE WERE KILLED TODAY AS RADICAL VEGAN ACTIVISTS STORMED THE TEXAN MEAT PLANT.” Mr Rump laughed maniaclly as he turned off the TV news broadcast.

“My plan is complete. Thanks to the product you provided, the meat factory workers were killed. Now people across America will hate Vegans, and the sales of my meat will rise inevitably.”

“All in a days work.” Laughed the figure at the end of the boardroom table. He was wearing a black jumpsuit that said “CODYSOFT” and wearing dark wrap around sunglasses. Cody. “But things are just behinning to get twisted… only just.”