2015 Power Rankings-Week 13

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## Introduction

How was everyone’s Thanksgivings? Mine was interesting, to say the least. What is there to be thankful for? Well, we’re all alive and well (if you look past the beating Reign Maker took this week), we’re all happy (okay, I might still be a little miserable from the Patriots game), and seven and a half of us are still in playoff contention (TEAM MANBEARPIG is technically in playoff contention but he needs the space/time continuum to implode to actually get in (more on that below)).

A bunch of us had big fantasy days on Turkey Day. Calvin Johnson put up 3 TDs for Papa’s Posse, while Shotti suffered the first of many poor performances when DeMarco Murray managed just 30 yards on the ground. Eddie Lacy came up big for Paddock 9 with 30.53 but in the end it wasn’t enough.

At this point I’m going to have to just stop predicting what is going to happen in this league. Nothing makes any sense. Just when you thought Shotti was going to run away with the league, they fail to break 200. Just when you thought Papa’s Posse was dead in the water they put up over 220 in back to back weeks for the first time in franchise history. This season will be the first in the five year history of the league that no team reaches 10 regular season wins. This will also be the first year without a 3,000 point scorer since 2011, when the league’s top score was 2937.84 and there were 12 teams.

Anyway, to the business at hand. The Fantasy Gods have given us matchups I couldn’t have hand picked any better. Win and in scenarios for 3 teams. Win and clinch a bye scenarios for 3 teams. Win and maybe clinch a bye for one team. Win and be the spoiler for 2 teams. And win and hope a miracle happens for the tenth team (sorry Manbearpig).

## Join the Club

* Reign Maker becomes the first team to score over 14,000 regular season points and over 16,000 combined points.
* Fire Goodell becomes the third team to score over 15,000 combined points and to reach 13,000 regular season points against.
* GBM becomes the fifth team to score over 13,000 regular season points.
* Paddock 9 becomes the sixth team to score over 14,000 combined points.
* Papa’s Posse becomes the seventh team to score over 12,000 regular season points.
* Deez Sons of Bitchez becomes the ninth team to score over 7000 regular season points.

## New This Week

1. Lowest Single-Season Point Totals - The top ten lowest scores are by ten different teams. Barring some sort of crazy scenario Brak and Yellow will be bumped out and Fire Goodell will move into one of the top 10 spots at the end of next week. Paddock 9 will still be king with the worst season ever put together by a team. Ouch.
2. Highest Single-Season Points Against Totals - GBM is the “champion” here, the only team to have been hit with a 3,000 points against season.
3. Lowest Single-Season Points Against Totals

## The Rankings

In certain playoff scenarios you’ll see a negative number. For example, GBM needs to outscore TSB by -20 points. It’s just a less convoluted way of showing that GBM cannot be outscored by TSB by more than 20 points.

I also excluded some bizarre scenarios. For example, Reign Maker can win and still miss the playoffs if Dee loses and TMBP outscores RM by 187.47. That would mean that if RM scores their season-low 128.06 again, TMBP would have to score 315.53 points to knock RM out. It’s convoluted, so I didn’t include it. But since I just explained it to you, technically it was included so if it happens don’t say I didn’t warn you.

### 1(2). ma ma momma said

#### Playoff Scenarios:

* Clinches a bye with a win.
* Clinches the 1 seed with a win and GaroppoblowMe loss.
* Clinches the 1 seed with a win and by outscoring GBM by 57.51.
* Clinches a bye with a GBM loss and by outscoring GBM by 57.51.

MMMS is the second former champion to clinch a playoff spot and is in control of their own destiny for a bye. MMMS has finished in a bye spot two of the last three season, and looks to make it three of the last four against The Shotti Bunch this weekend. This season the byes are more important than ever considering injuries and inconsistencies, so this matchup is one for the ages. How will Eli perform against the resurgent Jets? How did the loss of Tony Romo effect Dez Bryant’s production for the rest of the season? MMMS has already clinched their fourth consecutive winning season but if they don’t emerge victorious in week 13 it will be the first time since 2011 that they finish with less than 9 wins.

### 2(3). GaroppoblowMe

#### Playoff Scenarios:

* Clinches a bye with a win.
* Clinches the 1 seed with a win, a MMMS loss and by outscoring Shotti by (-20.36) points.
* Clinches the 1 seed with a win, a Shotti Bunch loss and by outscoring MMMS by (-57.51) points.

I admit it. I’m a little stressed. My hair is thinning faster than Tom Hanks in Cast Away. Here is a great chart of Matt Hasselbeck aging over the years.

Now imagine that happening to me Sunday night from the second Gronk went down to the moment CJ Anderson took it in for the winning score. And imagine the face of the poor girl that was with me to witness it happen. Luckily, the matchup with Paddock 9 was decided well before Sunday’s Patriots game. Bad enough that the defense collapsed entirely following the muffed punt, but early in the day Jimmy Graham went down and has been placed on IR. He’s been an ineffective player for GBM all year, but a loss is still a loss and that takes away some depth on the bench that might be desperately needed moving forward. Doug Baldwin, who has been trending in the right direction, will come in to replace Graham and have to immediately step up with Hurns concussed and likely to miss week 13. Stress level: midnight.

But enough of the bad stuff, GBM is headed to the playoffs!!!

This is the first winning season and first playoff berth for GaroppoblowMe since being blown out in the Championship Game in 2012 at the hands of ma ma momma said. That was the only other year they reached 8 wins, and a victory in week 13 will secure the team’s best regular season record ever. This is also the first year that GBM will not suffer back to back losses. GBM will have to contend with Fire Goodell, who is coming off their best game of the season, if they want to secure that bye. Managing to secure the bye will ensure that the Patriots offense has an extra week to get healthy and they’ll get to skip that tough matchup with Houston Defense in week 14.

### 3(1). The Shotti Bunch

#### Playoff Scenarios:

* Clinches a bye with a win.
* Clinches the 1 seed with a win and GBM loss.
* Clinches the 1 seed with a win and by outscoring GBM by 20.38 points.
* Clinches a bye with a GBM loss and by outscoring GBM by 20.38 points.

Things got real dark real fast for The Shotti Bunch and Patriots fans everywhere. FreeOJ fans, however, rejoiced. And I won’t lie, I had a very savage thought run through my mind, no, sprint through my mind Usain Bolt style, between moments of unsuppressable anger, anxiety, and depression. “Well, at least there goes Shotti’s season.” I know, it was bad. I didn’t wish ill on Gronk, but I would be lying if I didn’t for a split second think of how it benefited my fantasy team. Even Shotti seemed to know the implications. Let’s go to his post-game press conference.

But then I saw Gronk on that Med Bed…

And now I think Shotti’s desire for league domination may have grown ten-fold. Am I scared? Yeah, I’ll admit it, I’m a little scared. Gronk may return in time for the Fantasy Playoffs but he will miss the key matchup against MMMS this week and potentially the opening round in week 14. The TE market is looking a little rough, so who will step up in his absence? And now that the magic seems to have evaporated for Langford and Gurley, does this team have enough power at the RB position to make a run? Pun intended.

### 4(5). FreeOJ

#### Playoff Scenarios:

* Clinches 4 seed or higher with a win.
* Clinches 4 seed with wins by TMBP and RM.
* Clinches 4 seed by outscoring Dee by (-50.23).
* Clinches a bye with a win, losses by GBM and TSB, and by outscoring either MMMS by 113.79 points or GBM by 171.29.
* Clinches a bye with a win, losses by GBM and MMMS, and by outscoring either TSB by 150.92 points or GBM by 171.29.

The fox is in the henhouse. FreeOJ continues the trend of reaching playoffs with above-.500 records in every odd-numbered year since the league was created in 2011. With their win they finally get one back against The Shotti Bunch. Shotti had beaten them 6 of 7 times coming into the matchup. Still, FOJ has to get it together. They haven’t scored over 200 since week 9. The QB situation is a certified disaster. Deciding to dump Rivers, FOJ has opted for a QB by committee, attempting to take mid-range talent against low-level defenses. Will that continue to produce or will FitzMagic be a consistent answer in the post-season? Since a bye is a longshot, FOJ can take this final week to test out a lineup with low risk. Will they buck the trend and finally get their first playoff win?

### 5(7). Papa’s Posse

#### Playoff Scenarios:

* Clinches a playoff berth with a win.
* Clinches 5 seed with a win and Dee loss.
* Clinches 4 seed with a win and losses by Dee and FOJ and by outscoring FOJ by 277.31 points.

7 is the magic number for Papa’s Posse. In every season where they’ve finished 7-6 they’ve made the playoffs. In the other 2 they combined for just six wins and missed out. Now 7-6 will punch the ticket again. PP is a hell of a finisher. Their combined record of the last three games from each season is 9-5, but that goes to 9-2 if you remove the 2012 season. With Brees struggling, Palmer seems to be the guy. Palmer is 22-4 in his last 26 games. Brandon Marshall, meanwhile, has scored over 10 points in every game this season. He is one of the most consistent WR threats in the league. Add to that a resurgent Calvin Johnson and the always reliable Amari Cooper and you have one hell of an aerial attack. On the ground, first round pick Hill and early season disaster Doug Martin have both turned the boosters on and have been a dangerous compliment to one another. Another year, another late season run. What lies in store for the Posse this time around?

### 6(4). Deez Sons of Bitchez

#### Playoff Scenarios:

* Clinches a playoff berth with a win.
* Clinches 4 seed with a win, a FreeOJ loss and by outscoring FOJ by 50.23 points.
* Clinches a playoff berth with a Papa’s Posse win, provided PP does not outscore Dee by more than 227.07 points.
* Clinches a playoff berth with a Reign Maker win, provided PP does not outscore Dee by more than 227.07 and RM doesn’t outscore Dee by more than 115.13 (both would have to happen).

Whoa. What is going on with Dee? They have failed to break 200 5 times in the last 6 weeks after breaking 200 5 of the first 6 weeks. Even worse, they move to 0-4 lifetime against ma ma momma said. How much of their success is tied into Aaron Rodgers? The team has not won when the QB position scores under 25 points since week 5. But it takes a village to suck. Matt Forte came back but split carries with Landford. Ted Ginn Jr. was garbage, and Kendall Wright, out since Nov 1 with a knee injury, did not produce as hoped. All in all just a terrible couple weeks for Dee, and yet they still control their own destiny. Win and in. Lose and probably still in. They’ll definitely be playing in week 14 with a chance to become the first female manager to win a playoff game.

### 7(6). Reign Maker

#### Playoff Scenarios:

* Clinches a playoff berth with a win.
* Clinches 5 seed with win, a loss by Dee and by outscoring Dee by 115.13 points.

It was a good run, but this will be the first season in franchise history that Reign Maker does not finish with a record over .500. Additionally, there is no scenario where Reign Maker loses and still makes the playoffs. They will need to win their way into the dance. Since they have the point advantage on Papa’s Posse, they don’t need to reach any particular number. They just need the W. This is unfamiliar territory for RM, who has never missed the post-season. This week they were hit with a huge day from Sammy Watkins and got blown out by Fire Goodell. Basically the equivalent of walking in a beautiful field on a sunny spring day and stepping on a landmine disguised as a daisy. Carr has been an incredible asset and Carolina Defense will consistently produce but The Great Woodhead has been The Average Woodhead of late. Lamar Miller has faced some tough run defenses and been shut down, while Thomas was almost completely shut out against the NE Secondary. Reign Maker was coming off the best season in LOC history, and this season has gone 2-5 against playoff teams and 0-2 against the team with the league’s lowest point total. But hey, in control of their own destiny. Anything can happen.

### 8(8). TEAM MANBEARPIG

#### Playoff Scenarios:

* Clinches a playoff berth with a win and by outscoring Dee by 302.60 points.
* Clinches a playoff berth with a win, Papa’s Pose loss, and by outscoring RM by 187.47 points.

Well those playoff scenarios went from optimistic to grim really fast, huh? Top 7 teams have “win and get what you want” scenarios, then you have Team ManBearPig who needs to score a bajillion points to have a chance at making the playoffs. Never say never, but if they score the points they need and make the playoffs I’ll buy everyone in this league Super Bowl tickets. I’m not kidding.

All in all, a very respectable opening year for TMBP. They suffered a lot of injuries and couldn’t recover in time. The biggest loss for them has to be that week 3 squeaker to Papa’s Posse. If Big Ben had completed one more pass before getting injured the whole playoff race would be different. They accomplished their main goal, which was to beat Paddock 9 and Free OJ (3 of their 5 wins) and now will begin growing for next year. I think I speak for everyone when I say that this was a good addition to the league. Came to play every week. Never gave up on their season. And hey man, just score 400 points and you win everyone Super Bowl tickets.

Oh. and hey, Burns:

### 9(9). Fire Goodell

Stop the damn fight! Fire Goodell loses TWO more running backs to IR this week. Chris Johnson, a breakout star this season for Arizona, and Ahmad Bradshaw are DONE. I’ve lost count of how many guys this team has put out of business but it’s a lot. That being said, Fire Goodell still pulls off perhaps the biggest upset of the week with a fantastic performance against Reign Maker, against whom they have only won a single game lifetime. In doing so, the team became the last to pass the 2,000 point threshold on the season. With Watkins and McCoy getting hot, you just have to wonder what kind of damage this team could have done if they’d managed to pull out one more win. If they beat GBM they’ll finish just one game out of a playoff spot. All in all a respectable end to the season for a squad accustomed to much better results. They managed to win this one despite losing their steal of the season, Chris Johnson, and with Russell Wilson’s 57.35 points on the bench. Wilson’s game certainly clouds the decision of who to start in week 13 against GBM. Fire Goodell would love nothing more than to spoil GBM’s chance at a bye but will have to hope that guys like Julius Thomas and Vincent Jackson can once again reach their projections.

### 10(10). Paddock 9

Paddock 9 was feeling high and mighty after a solid performance from Lacy. The welcomed change of pace was a sign that maybe they could pull off the upset in a game they were calling “their Super Bowl.” Alas, the rest of the team still needed to play. Matty Ice served up the double whammy, ruining both Paddock 9’s season and Paddock 9’s owner’s hopes and dreams. As a Falcons fan, I’m not sure how you draft Matt Ryan. It’s almost like you want to be in pain the entire football season. In any case, Paddock 9 decided to start talking shit to GBM and the Fantasy Gods rewarded them by blowing them out of the water on Sunday. Now they’re in last place and their only hope is to serve up a defeat to FOJ, who is projected to win by close to 100.

## Matchup of the Week

The Shotti Bunch vs. ma ma momma said

* Current Projection: (mmm)230.36-202.39(TSB)
* TSB record in week 13: 1-2
* MMMS record in week 13: 0-4
* Lifetime record vs.: 6-0 (mmms has never lost)

230 is an ambitious projection for MMMS considering that three of their players are going against a dangerous NYJ defense. MMMS has never lost to The Shotti Bunch but they have also never won in week 13. Something’s gotta give this week. The Shotti Bunch needs to hope their TE replacement can put up Gronk level points and that Cam Newton continues to destroy New Orleans the way other teams have been doing of late. This game guarantees the winner gets a bye and almost certainly guarantees that the loser will have to play in the quarter finals. I’m afraid to pick momma because I think that will make Shotti even more hungry for revenge and I’m afraid to pick Shotti because I don’t like being wrong. So we’ll just say that this game goes to me, because no matter who loses, I win.

On top of that, we have a win-and-in, lost and go home scenario between Reign Maker and Papa's Posse. Two former champs and only one will get to join ma ma momma said and The Shotti Bunch for a chance to become the first repeat champion. Get your popcorn ready!