Jar Jar Binks

> *"Mee-sah love anus!"*
> -Jar Jar Binks
>
>

Jar Jar Binks is a character that appears in the Space AI Invasion. He is the ambassador for the Second Empire of Dougtopia.

## Description

In the DDCU, Jar Jar Binks is a weird fish-man with powers of memory manipulation. He is nonchalant when confronted with threats to his life. He is incredible at chess, being undefeated because he plays such simple games that he bores all of his opponents into defeat. He loves anus.

## History

Jar Jar had a reputation that made him known to the Empire of Dougtopia, but it was never specified what this reputation entailed. At some point in the past, he allied with a group of space aliens who betrayed him by bombing his homeworld.

### AI Invasion

Jar Jar was recruited by the Emperor of Dougtopia who found him on a small island in the middle of the ocean on an unspecified planet. Jar Jar was initially hesitant about joining the Empire, but the Emperor reassured him that, as an ambassador, he was protected by interplanetary law and would not have to worry about being attacked. He also threatened to abandon him on the moon and told Jar Jar that he may be killed and eaten if he refused. Eventually Jar Jar was convinced to join the Empire as its ambassador.

Jar Jar's first mission was to probe deep into Uranus, which he accomplished with ease. When he returned to the Emperor, he reported that he learned that "first of all, Dougtopia is a terrible place to live. Second, I met a crazy guy named Doom Guy, who is trying to destroy the entire universe. Third, I learned that you killed all the dinosaurs."

The Emperor was enraged at the accusation, threatening to execute Jar Jar when asked to apologize for committing mass dinocide. Jar Jar laughed this off, and then used his powers to make everyone on Earth forget about his existence. He then went to a party at the house of some Dougtopian friends of his when suddenly the whole city exploded and he was launched into a forest in Zeltros. Within the forest he was attacked by a large burrowing monster and attempted to flee, but he was also attacked by some other creatures in the forest.

Word of Jar Jar's falling out with the Dougtopian Empire met the ears of Empress Ghost of the Chaturn Empire, who sought to find and recruit him. She found Jar Jar on Zeltros, watching a large city burn. Jar Jar recounted his tale of how he escaped from the Dougtopians. Ghost asked him if he wanted to join Chaturn, but he simply replied "No thanks."

Jar Jar then rejoined the Dougtopian empire when he was asked by the Dougtopian emperor to scout Mercury for potential recruits. Jar Jar landed near the ruins of an ancient Mercurian civilization, where he was greeted by Yoda and Chewbacca. They briefly introduced themselves, but then Jar Jar's ship began to fly off without him. He chased the ship and grabbed hold of the side of it as it was flying, and realized that the Dougtopian Emperor was flying it, with a Dougtopian skeleton next to him in the cockpit. The Emperor asked Jar Jar to establish a base on Zeltros and apologized for trying to execute him that one time, which Jar Jar agreed to.

Jar Jar successfully established a base on Zeltros, and got to enjoy the Tahiti-like pleasures of the planet for a while before he received another message from the Emperor, who threatened him with death if he did not establish a base on Zeltros, even though he had already done that, which Jar Jar laughed off.

He was then visited by the unpredictable Emperor, who threatened to kill and eat Jar Jar, but once Jar Jar climbed aboard his ship to meet with the Emperor, he was hugged and given a giant bag of money. However, this meeting was interrupted by Doom Guy attempting to steal the bag of money on behalf of Chaturn. His attempt is foiled by the guards on the ship, but Jar Jar's gift is taken back and given to General Grievous instead. Civil war promptly broke out within the Dougtopian base on Zeltros.

After General Grievous was murdered by Yoda in a recruitment attempt, and Yoda declared himself as the Emperor of Dougtopia, Jar Jar was sent to Mercury to recruit Yoda as the actual Emperor of Dougtopia. When he met Yoda, he immediately gave him a big bag of money, but Yoda explained that his claim to be the Emperor was just a joke, and he did not end up joining the Empire. Jar Jar asked Yoda's pet plant Groot to be the Emperor instead, but he responded, "No, I already have a job, I'm a plant." Jar Jar left Mercury.

After Chaturn and Dougtopia signed a peace treaty and ended their war, Jar Jar went to Uranus, where he met with the entirety of the Chaturn Empire in an attempt to buy the planet from them. He did not succeed, but Chaturn gave him $1 trillion to let them keep the planet.

Jar Jar was then sent to recruit Master Chief into the Dougtopian Empire so they could acquire the Halo Ring. During his meeting with Master Chief, he challenged him to a game of chess. Jar Jar won with his amazing chess skills, but told Master Chief that he won instead of Jar Jar, and Master Chief received the $1 trillion and became the new emperor of Dougtopia.

## Alternate timelines

At least one alternate timeline version of Jar Jar is known to exist. Similarly to the DDCU timeline, he is a prominent figure in a civilization fighting an interplanetary war, although notably he is a military commander rather than an ambassador.

1. ↑ https://youtu.be/dazC6msRuJw?t=1410