List of fake ads

**Fake ads** are fake advertisements that appear in a few TCG Season 1 chapters and all TCG Season 2 chapters from "The Towering Fiasco" and onward. The ads often feature strange products, often relating to the story one way or another. Some ads are parodies of common products, while others are unique to the chapter.

Ads are usually introduced by "And Now, A Word From Our Sponsors!", and ends at "And Now, Back To The Challenge!". From "It's Rejoin Time!" and onwards, the word "Challenge" is swapped by "Story".

Below is a list of all the fake ads that have appeared in TCG.

Also see List of segments.

## Season 1

(Note: the list does not include the "blocked ads" from "Reel 'Em In!" and "The Colorful Mining Games". See Infuritech for more info.

### Fartox (Road to Colorlantic City)

*Hello, random person! Do you fart a lot? Has your excessive farting led to broken relationships, getting fired multiple times, or your parents not liking you? If you answered yes to all these questions, read on for the simple solution to this stinky problem! If you answered no, then get the hell out of here you mother- Anyways, to solve your farting problem, buy our new spray-on Fartox! It cleans 40% more and kills 99.9% of all your loud farting! It will beat any competitor’s price or quality!*
*To use it, simply spray some of this up your ANUS. It might hurt and your ANUS might get wet, but spray it until it covers your ANUS in a film of white stuff. Wait for 30 minutes to dry, and then, your spray-on film has now hardened over your ANUS. It acts like a purifier, trapping your stinky fart air inside and releasing good smelling air outside your ANUS. It even works with your pants on! However, side effects of this product may include chemicals up your ass, or people seeing you spray this onto your butt.*

*Anyways, but Fartox Spray-On Fart Protector NOW! Come on, you motherf- BUY IT NOW!*

### Colorson and McColor Law Firm (Last Color Standing: Part 1)

*Have you ever been injured by incompetent flag waving? Then let us take your injury to court! We are Colorson and McColor, LLC. We’ll cover all your damages from flag-waving-related injuries. Call now, and get some of Colorson’s famous lawsuit-flavored chicken nuggets for half off minus shipping and handling for $999999.*

*Call 1-800-MCC-OLOR today!*

*I’m not repeating that number since all of you have ears!*

***This ad is brought to you by Infuritech. © 2020, Infuritech Co.***

### Cornflower Blue's Mega Party Punch (The Colorful Reunion)

*Tired of drinking all of these lame party beverages? Well we got a solution! It’s CORNFLOWER BLUE’S MEGA PARTY PUNCH! This punch contains high-tech minerals stolen from Uranus that will make you addicted to it! Once you start, you can’t stop drinking and drinking until you burst! Here are some real fake  customers who bought our punch!*

***Customer 1:** I’m loving this thing! I drink it at work! I drink it at home! I drink it while pooping, I drink it while sleeping, I even drink it when I am doing things I should not be doing!*

***Customer 2:*** *Hey, what’s that red blinking button mean? Do I say my lines now?*

*You see why now, dummy? BUY CORNFLOWER BLUE’S MEGA PARTY PUNCH now, exclusively at Stupid Head Shops!*

*Ad by Infuritech*

## Season 2

### TCG Brand Stick (The Towering Fiasco)

*Introducing… the new TCG Brand Stick! For just the cheap price of one septillion dollars, you can enjoy the beauty of nature right in your home! With this revolutionary product, you can build a fort! You can play fetch with your dog! You can even shove it up your ass! So what are you waiting for? Buy the TCG Brand Stick today, and get a bonus TCG Brand Leaf too! Call 1-800-28-STICK!*

*TCG Advertising and Co. are not responsible for splinters, rectal injuries, and broken sticks. The duplication and/or republication of this product is illegal by law. Restrictions may vary. Not available in PR, AK, or HI, because we are too lazy to ship them over there. © 2021. All rights (not) reserved.*

### TCG Premium (Lights, Camera, Reaction!)

*Are you tired of commercials clogging up your reality shows? Then, you need TCG Premium! With this, you get no advertisements in your shows, plus exclusive benefits such as free money per month\*, and other stuff because we are too lazy to list everything! You can subscribe for your lifetime by the price of a kidney\*. So what are you waiting for? Buy today because we are greedy!*

*\* TCG Premium will reward you half a penny every month for being generous (and retarded) enough to be part of our program!*

*\*\* TCG Premium is not responsible for incidents relating to kidney removal.*

### Wombat Kit (When Wombats Attack)

*Are you living in constant fear of wombats? Probably not, since they are only native to Australia! But because we have an unexplained craving for money, Anti-Wombat Technologies introduces the Wombat Preparation Kit! This thing includes everything you need if you ever see a wombat. It includes:*

* *The Wombat Shield, a 3’ by 2’ shield that will protect you from the wombat’s nasty scratch!*
* *Two cans of Wombat Repellent, designed to smell like Tasmanian Devils to scare the wombat away*
* *A Wombat Cloak that will make you turn invisible, at least to wombats*
* *And if things really get bad, the Wombat Fan, a small hand fan designed to blow even the heaviest of objects, like wombat colonies, wombat-infested trees, or your mom*

*So buy today! Otherwise we’ll release a wombat inside your house. Good luck!*

### A Literal Word (Duels at 105 Floors High)

*Hmm, “a word”? That means we can only say one word about our fantastic awesome amazing product! So, if our magnificent product can only be described in one word, I’ll tell the readers that our product is just…*

***STUPID!***

*NO! Not “stupid”! I meant stupendous! And now I can’t change it back. Screw you, English Language! And screw myself for making this dumb choice!*

***BAM***

*[A large screw falls down onto the announcer]*

*OW.*

### Maid Shadow Legends (An Unbalanced Diet)

*This chapter is sponsored by Maid Shadow Legends. Introducing the best game to have ever been created in all 4.6 billion years of Earth's history, Maid Shadow Legends. Dress up as a maid and deliver lemonade to spoiled octopuses while watching out for the evil shadows that roam the world. Fight the shadows using a variety of special attacks, such as Lemonade Whack, Straw Suck, and Ice Cube Freeze. Play through over 10,000,000,000+ levels and PAY your way through 10,000 bonus levels as well! Buy now at a discounted price for only $999.99! (Offer only available in Vanuatu. Discount not available anywhere else.)*

### Falling Object Protector 3000 (Redder than Ever)

*Over 1,000,000 people each day are injured by objects falling on their heads. Falling objects can range from anything to as weak as a tissue to an overweight color named “Crimson”.*

**Orange:** *Hello, I’m Orange. Recently, I have died from a Crimson falling down onto my head. Don’t ask how I got revived, but having objects falling down on my head surely hurts.*

*Fear not, Orange! Introducing the Falling Object Protector 3000 by TCG Enterprises! This revolutionary invention will protect your noggin from anything the world has to throw at it, and you can buy one for only $19.99\*! In just 3 easy steps, you can safety proof your head!*

*1) With the maroon section facing up, place your head between the two straps.*

*2) Buckle up the strap in front of your head.*

*3) Make sure the device is on tight, and you’re ready to go!*

*With a proven durability of 30 years, you’ll fear falling objects no more! Buy the Falling Object Protector 3000 now, for only $19.99\*!*

*\*$19.99 per month.*

### Car Roof Protector (Road to Pineconey Island)

*Has your car even been squashed on or driven over by another car, bus, or truck? Then, you will need the Car Roof Protector! This amazing product has been approved for use in the great country of Malta and nowhere else.*

*For just $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 dollars, you can buy this amazing device. Simply place the three spike strips from longest to shortest on your car on your hood, roof, and back.*

*The next time a retard comes and tries to drive over or squish your car, the Car Roof Protector will deflate its tires, causing the car to get stuck. And then you can do whatever you want with the stuck car- take a picture of it, point your middle finger at it, or drink the fuel (although we don’t recommend that).*

*Buy the Car Roof Protector now, who knows, **you may use it someday**!*

### Meester Crab Ruins the Ad (All Sun and Games)

*Do you want the most low-quality hotel in all of New Shape City? Well, then come to the Pineconey Island Motel! We’ve got the softest wooden beds, rock-hard food perfect for tough people to eat, and the dirtiest rooms you’ll ever see! It’s all there in- hey! HEY! GET OFF MY DESK, CRAB!*

*[Meester Crab pinches the announcer in the arm]*

*YEEEEEOWWWWWWWWWW!*

*[The announcer falls down onto the ground]*

***Meester Crab:*** *Hello losers. Guess what? There won’t be an ad today. That’s right. I’m Meester Crab, and I now am the face of the commercial. GO SUCK A [CENSOR NOISE], losers! I can do whatever I want!*

*[Meester Crab sticks his pincers into his nose]*

***Meester Crab:*** *HAHAHAHAHA!*

*[Meester Crab grabs a sheet of yellow paper, cuts it out, and places it on his head]*

***Meester Crab:*** *Hey! I’m Trump! And I’m red too! What a perfect color for him!*

*(brushing himself off) Why...you...stupid...crab… GIT BACK OVER HERE!*

***Meester Crab:*** *Oh no! They’ve spotted me! I have to run!*

*[Meester Crab runs sideways off the table and lands in the garbage can]*

***Meester Crab (with a banana peel over his head):*** *Drat.*

### McColorson Law Firm CrapBurger (It's Rejoin Time!)

*Do you enjoy the McColorson Company’s lawsuit-flavored chicken nuggets? No? Then [CENSOR NOISE] you- introducing the all-new Crap Burger! Made from 0% fresh and 100% raw meat taken from cows who smoke cigarettes and do drugs, and with bread made from wheat irrigated with Coca-Cola, you’ll be sure to enjoy this gourmet and deluxe sandwich! So, what are you waiting for? Buy the burger today at your nearest McColorson law firm building, or we’ll go to your house and shove this burger straight up your ass!*

*And trust me, you won’t like that.*

### Wombat Word Detector (Operation: Black)

*In the French- I mean, English language, there are some very bad curse words. Examples of these are [CENSOR NOISE], [CENSOR NOISE], [CENSOR NOISE], and the short but extremely rude [CENSOR NOISE]. But no curse word comes as bad as calling someone… a “wombat”.*
*Being called a wombat can trigger some horrific thoughts and memories of yourself, which is why we have decided to create the ultimate tool- the Wombat Word Detector. Simply arm yourself with this small gadget, and whenever someone refers to your name as a “wombat”, it will send out a vibration. You can then see who that person is, and, hopefully, get revenge on them!*

*Buy now, and receive your Wombat Word Detector for as low as $59.99!*

### Color Scouts Thick Mints (The Game of *Dice!*)

*Do you want to support the community AND eat some delicious cookies? Then buy the Color Scouts Thick Mints! These cookies are over 5 inches tall, and yes, they are…*

***THICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC!***

*Yes, these cookies are 100% not made from poo. And the green filling is not what you think it is. It’s made of mint, of course! And because special drugs are injected into these cookies, once you eat one, you can’t stop… until you’re…*

***THICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC!***

*And as a bonus, every box of these you buy go directly to the Color Scouts, and not some evil billionaire cackling over their golden throne. Once again, buy Thick Mints! Why? Because they’re…*

***THICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC!***

### FutureMachines Time Machine (Black and Crimson's Excellent Adventure)

*Introducing the most revolutionary machine to hit the face of Colorland, the FutureMachines Time Machine X4-SCI1! With this thing, you can travel from the present to whatever time period you want! You can travel to the Stone Age, where colors beat the asses of dinosaurs who want to eat their faces off! Or, if you are looking for more adventure, you can time travel to the FUTURE! Who knows what the future could look like- you can even control what it looks like!*

And for a limited time offer, when you buy a time machine for only $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 dollars, you can get a second time machine too, completely for free! Why would you want two time machines? We don't know. But we'll give you another one! Each time machine is safely delivered to your address using our special Time Machine Time Machine system.

So what are you waiting for? Let's explore the past, and let's create the future- with the FutureMachines Time Machine!

*FutureMachines is not responsible for any user time travel accidents, deaths, or injuries. Make sure you read all the instructions, even the fine print, CLEARLY! Who knows? There may be a McDoodle's coupon hidden in the fine print! ©2021 FutureMachines Inc.*

### Neon Yellow's World Tour! (Love, Hate, and Chicken Nuggets)

*Neon Yellow, the global rap sensation, will be performing LIVE on stage October 7th, 2021 at Colorland’s Color Square Garden! See some of his hottest new songs, LIVE! With “Neon Man”, “Chicken Nugget Love”, and his recent hit “I Really Need to Use the Restroom”, this performance is one that you don’t wanna miss! Buy tickets online now! The first 500 buyers will receive a piece of Neon Yellow’s feces wrapped in gold for FREE! So what are you waiting for? If you like rap music and gold-covered poop, you’ll be sure not to miss Neon Yellow… LIVE ON STAGE!*

### Eau de Polar Bear Arse Perfume (The Sewer Games)

*Do you want to smell like the greatest animal in the world? Specifically, do you want to smell like that animal's rear end? Then we've got the product for you!*

*From the company that bought you the best-selling Eau de Penguin Butt brings the newest and best perfume- Eau de Polar Bear Arse!*

*Our team of Perfume Scientists carefully analyzed the smell of polar bear butts to the best of their ability. They ran tests, did experiments, and created a lot of scientific bull[CENSOR NOISE] that I don't give a [CENSOR NOISE] about!*

*Anyway, they have now created Eau de Polar Bear Arse after months of experimentation, and it's finally ready! That dream of yours, to smell like a polar bear, has now finally come true! Buy the Eau de Polar Bear Arse at Stupid Head Mall today!*

*Otherwise, we will break into your house and spray this stuff into your eyes! And trust me, your eyes will be redder than a, um, uh, a hel-, um, you know what, screw this. Just buy it already, and I will leave you alone!*

### Purpleton Street Fields (Colorland's Favorite Pastime)

**Note:** The original version of this ad is in Comic Sans.

*Do you want to play baseball in a really really good field? Yes? Yay! Come to Purpleton Street Fields! Cool! Baseball Fields! High quality fields you will enjoy! Hit baseballs here! Ranked the worlds number 1 baseball field by my dog Brian! Come on… come to Purpleton fields! We want you to hit baseball here! It will be fun!*

*\*And yes, me and my dog Brian's favorite font is comic sans!\**

### Papa Brown's Pizza (The Colorful Smackdown)

*Good day, ze pizza fans! My name is Papa Brown! You may know me because I wear ze signature garbage can on my head! Yes, it's a garbage can!*

*However, today I want to tell you about my amazing pizza! I created ze pizza brand when I was just a little baby! And now, ze 46 years later, I am still creating ze best pizza in all of ze Colorland!*

*So come on down to Papa Brown's! We have ze pepperoni pizzas, we have ze cheese pizzas, and we even have ze pineapple pizzas, if you are a retard and buy that crap. All of our pizzas are cheesy, fresh, and tasty- only if they are not pineapple pizzas! If you order a pineapple pizza, I will go up to you and bonk ze head with ze rolling pin!*

*No, I'm just kidding. But if you like ze pineapple pizza, you are ze stupid. Anyway, buy ze pizzas now!*

### Red's Greens Golf Course (Into the Red Zone)

*Hello there you uncultured morons! Have you ever heard about the game of golf? NO? THEN YOU STINK!*

*[silence]*

*Oops… sorry. I mean, that's fine. Then come on down to Red's Greens, located right off Interstate 69… nice… in New Color City! We have 18 holes of pleasure that you can choose from! Some are hard, some are not. Some need longer shots, some need shorter. But the goal is the same! Try to get your balls into the hole in the least amount of strokes. The holes all have varying difficulties, meaning people of all ages can have enjoyment in filling in those ball holes! And if the day doesn't go well for you, you can always head down to the clubhouse to get a good ol' dinner. Or, if you are the type of person who doesn't want to aim for holes, you can aim at whatever you want at the Red's Greens Driving Range! You can aim at the targets. You can aim at the flags! You can even aim at someone's face! Best of all, if you visit Red's Greens for 10 times, you can head there one time free! So what are you waiting for? Come on down to Red's Greens and let's hit some balls… together!*

### The Greeners: Live on Tour! (Beyond the Eliminations)

(**Note**: The Greeners poster was previously used in "The Color Games 1: The Colorful Version".)

*The world-famous band… IS BACK!*

*That's right, nincompoops, the Greeners are finally making their return, after 40 years of sitting around in their mansions picking their noses! Get ready to see Bob Greener, Tim Greener, Jack Greener, and Sam Greener like never before! Sure, their names may sound generic, but their songs are not! Check out their most recent #1 single, "Greenhouse Rock", with special guest Billy Greens!*

*But don't just listen to their music like a generic loser on the radio. Get to see them LIVE ON STAGE, in the Greeners Tour: The Green Return. That's right! Here is a list of their upcoming tours!*

*December 12: Wombat Hills Stadium, Wombat Hills*

*December 13: Stupid Head Stadium, New Color City*

*December 14: No Show (c'mon, we have to fly too, it's not like we have an Instant Teleporter!)*

*December 15: Jack-And-Six Stadium, Blue Vegas*

*December 16: King's Grandstand, Red Hills*

*Anyway, if you have enough money to buy a ticket, then come see us LIVE! Otherwise, keep on listening to us on the radio like a big loser! If you don't want to be a big loser, then see the Greeners… Live on Tour!*

### WombatTech's Anti-Witch Spray (Septillion Dollar Showdown: Part 1)

*Are you tired of witches coming to your door to request for your dead rats to make stew? Are you tired of your witch neighbor cackling at night and crashing brooms into your house? Fortunately, our scientists at WombatTech® have created the WombatTech Anti-Witch Spray!*

*Over three million colors in the world are affected by witch attacks, with over one million being turned into toads. And you surely don't want to live off eating flies! So the next time a witch wants to hurt you, simply spray them with our spray, and that will send them running off instantly! Our spray is 99% effective, so in 1 out of 100 events it will fail to work. However, chances are you won't be attacked by 100 witches unless you seriously piss some of them off, so protect yourself against witches and buy the WombatTech Anti-Witch Spray now!*

### AMCE Company Products (Septillion Dollar Showdown: Part 2)

*Have you ever wanted to catch something, say, like a roadrunner, but you don't have the tools to catch it? Then, you need some AMCE products! We have the best-quality anvils, bombs, and tortu-*

**Cornflower Blue:** *STOP IT, YOU STUPID ANNOUNCER!*

*Excuse me, ma'am, but we're trying to do a commercial here. Please do not disrupt us.*

**Cornflower Blue:** *A commercial? It's literally the middle of the [CENSOR NOISE] season finale! We don't have time for commercials right now!*

*[The announcer is heard sighing]*

*See, readers, people like this lady right here deserve an AMCE anvil to the face. Let's show one of these AMCE products in action!*

**Cornflower Blue:** *Action? Whaddaya mean "action"? We don't have time for th-*

***BANG***

*[An AMCE brand anvil smashes Cornflower Blue's face apart]*

*And that, readers, is the power of AMCE products. If you see someone annoying, like for example, your sister or your slave in your basement whom doesn't obey your orders, you can use the good ol' AMCE trick- and all that annoyingness is gone. Buy AMCE now, and see what kind of revenge you can discover!*