Space Slave

It's Ladies' Night at the Space Bar, and The Commander has a perfect plan, involving blackmail and cross-dressing, to obtain this free ladies-only alcohol. OR DOES HE?

## Transcript

*(roll opening credits)*

*(Open to Space Tree's space ship. There is text reading: This is like a space ship.)*

**Commander:** Hey Space Tree, check this out man. *(Cut to the inside of the ship, the Commander enters holding a flyer.)*

**Commander:** It's Ladies' night down at the space bar. So chicks drink for free!

**Space Tree:** So? What do you care? First of all, you're not a woman and second you're not even old enough to drink.

**Commander:** Yeah, then here's what we should do, alright? You go down there, and then you milk this scam for all its worth, *(holds up a carton of MILK, tosses it into some glass)* and then bring me back some free booze and I drink it here. Cuz the man isn't going to come into my own house and arrest me, is he? Know what I'm sayin'?

**Space Tree:** Well this is my house, not yours... and w-what are you talking about anyway, I can't get any free beer either, I'm not a woman.

**Commander:** THEY don't know that! Come on, there's no way of telling with you. You don't even have any, uh...you don't have uh, heh, you know what I mean...

**Space Tree:** Oh, right right, I know what you mean. The hell you talking about?

**Commander:** You don't have a couple of, uh... yeah actually, how do you even know what gender you are? There's no way of knowing.

**Space Tree:** Oh, I know what I am.

**Commander:** Well maybe we should do some tests, just to confirm. And if it turns out you ARE a chick, then you go get me some beer, baby!

**Space Tree:** No, we won't be doing that.

**Commander:** Come on, it'll be funny.

**Space Tree:** No, it won't.

**Commander:** Well I'm doin' it. We'll start by putting on different articles of clothing, and seeing how you respond to each one, alright?

*(Space Tree has a thought bubble saying "what")*

**Commander:** First I'll put on these pants. *(Holds up pants)* So, uh... how exactly am I supposed to put these on you, I mean, without the legs-

**Space Tree:** Uh, just nail them in, man, whatever.

**Commander:** Nail them - won't that hurt?

**Space Tree:** It doesn't matter, just - here's a hammer do it. *(Hands Commander a hammer)*

**Commander:** Well, OK.

**Space Tree:** You'll need this box of nails too. *(Drops NAILZ box on floor)*

**Commander:** OK.

**Space Tree:** Put some nails in there.

**Commander:** Here I go.

**Space Tree:** Just do it, what, are you scared?

*(The commander starts to nail on the pants)*

**Space Tree:** Ow, ow, Ow, OW! *(One of his branches falls off)*

**Commander:** Sorry, are you OK?

**Space Tree:** Yes I'm fine, now do the other side. Ow, ow, OwOW!

**Commander:** K, it's done.

**Space Tree:** Finally. Now I know how Buddha felt. When he was nailed to a Christmas tree. Y'know?

**Commander:** Yeah. So, how do the pants feel, man? *(Holds up sign that matches his dialogue)*

**Space Tree:** Oh yeah, yeah, they're pretty good. I guess. What else you got?

**Commander:** OK, next I'll put this on you. *(Holds up a bra, smiles)* Heh.

**Space Tree:** Alright.

**Commander:** *(Hangs the Bra over Space Tree's face/trunk)* So, what's that like?

**Space Tree:** Yeah, it's pretty good.

**Commander:** Yeah, I bet it is. Now you should put these on *(puts a pair of pink shoes on Space Tree)*, and you should wear this *(puts white bunny ears on)*, and the illusion is complete! Yeah!

**Space Tree:** Illusion? *(Waving his arms)* Wait, I thought this was supposed to be some kind of test.

**Commander:** What? Oh oh right yeah yeah its a test.

**Space Tree:** Wait a minute... *(As he says this a large speech bubble flies in with that dialogue, then flies off)* I look ridiculous, don't I?

**Commander:** No no, not at all, no. *(Pulls out camera, takes a picture)*

**Space Tree:** HEY! Give me that camera!

**Commander:** Haha! *(throws the camera off-screen)* Now I have the evidence!

**Space Tree:** Evidence? *(The word flies across the background)*

**Commander:** Blackmail evidence! And I will broadcast this photograph, live on the internet unless you *(points at Space Tree with foam finger)* become my slave for a month. HaHA!

**Space Tree:** A month? Nah, I don't think that's really worth it.

**Commander:** Well then, I'll put this on the website, man.

**Space Tree:** Yeah, I don't care. Do what you want.

**Commander:** No wait, how about you be my slave for 2 weeks? *(holds up 2 fingers)*

**Space Tree:** No.

**Commander:** *(his face is different, like SpeshDiv, holds up 1 finger and 1 bloody half finger)* 1.5 weeks. That's my final offer...1 week.

**Space Tree:** No, man, I'm not bein' your slave.

**Commander:** Okay then, how about this. *(His arm launches off his body like a missile, exit stage left)* You get me a beer and we'll call it even.

**Space Tree:** No.

**Commander:** *(From a screen labelled 'the internet!')* Come on! It could be light beer even! *(Screen goes to static, Commander walks in)* You see what happened, Space Tree? You could've just got me that beer but no, you're all over the inter-night in that ridiculous getup, *(holds up screen of dancing space tree)* and now who looks like the big fat idiot tree from space? Not me, that's for sure! *(Points at self, starts bleeding)*

**Space Tree:** What are you talking about, man? This ridiculous getup has become the worlds most popular fashion and I've already made 500,000 dollars off of it *(His gloved hand makes "air quotes" as he says ridiculous getup)* Just check out this box of money. *(Tosses box O' cashTM to Commander)*

**Commander:** What? Where's my box?

**Space Tree:** Well, as a special thanks, I did get you that beer you wanted. (Hands commander a beer.)

**Commander:** Thanks man, I knew you'd come around sooner or later.

**Black Kid:** *(pops out of Beer)* Are you ready to rock?

*(The Black Kid looks at the Commander.)*

*(roll end credits)*

## Fun Facts

* Never before or since has Space Tree wiggled his 'fingers'.
* According to a post by Ed Atlin on the Space Tree forum, he may have regarded this as the worst episode of Space Tree.