Pedoriodic Table

The Pedoriodic Table of Elephants is a organizing tool used in chemistry. Unlike its cousin, the Periodic Table, the Pedoriodic Table does not seek to organize elements by atomic number, chemical properties or anything else. Instead, it seeks to confuse its viewer with its random arrangement of 'elements', which are mostly either food items or people. A Pedoriodic Table has no fixed format.

## Origin

The first documented Pedoriodic Table was published in 1792, by Trihydorygenium Oldfogey Lo. It classified 54 elements into two basic groups, edible and inedible. Following that, cheemologists attempted to improve the classification system. In 1835, Mentoscoken Nucllazor Iodine had a stroke of genius and came up with a more detailed classification. Cheemologists eventually split the elements into six groups, based on their chemical traits, and somewhere along the line, four ridiculous groups were also added. As the Pedoriodic Table not only accepted but welcomed ridiculousness, the four groups were accepted into the Pedoriodic Table.

In 1837, a Cheemologist observed that some elements had other elements' atoms bonded to them. This concept was originally named 'Starbucks', but was renamed to be known as valency due to copyright issues. Many other Cheemologists adopted this concept and started arranging elements in their own individual, silly ways. These people observed many odd things, like the fact that elements with the same taste point valency shared traits, and that when these elements were arranged by fat content, these traits recurred at intervals of eight. This was originally called out as Bullshit, but was later revealed to be TRUE and HONEST after the first accurate Pedoriodic Table was published.

The first official Pedoriodic Table was finalized in 1869. I shit you not, it took Cheemologists 77 years to create a TRUE and HONEST Pedoriodic Table after the beta version was released. You may take this however you want to. This Cheemologist, Periodical Seriousness Tabley Nojoke, arranged their Pedoriodic Table *horizontally*, instead of vertically like the other goons did. Their Pedoriodic Table was full of holes, but much like a prophet, they predicted that these holes in their hearts would one day be filled. They were right! Future Cheemologists did fill up that space, but it was not until the early 20th century that the modern Pedoriodic Table's design was affirmed. This design is used until today.

## "Classification"

If you would use the term extremely loosely, the Pedoriodic Table classifies elements, by what we shall never know. Elements are classified into ten groups, mainly foods, naturally occuring foods, trans fat foods, demi-foods, sorta foods, non-foods, pathetics, normals, pedoides and fangxinides. Like the real Periodic Table, each horizontal row of elements is called a period. The edibility of elements decreases down each period. Foods, naturally occuring foods and trans fat foods are generally safe to consume, although repeated consumption of some foods (especially trans fat foods) may cause health problems. Demi-foods and sorta-foods are mostly medicines and things-you-wouldn't-like-to-eat, and are only to be consumed in small portions when needed. Non-foods are inedible non-human objects, such as Pokémon games. Pathetics, normals, fangxinides and pedoides are people. The first two names are fairly easy to interpret. Fangxinides are generally hardworking, though they may not necessarily be intellegent, while pedoides excel at pedoing skills and are extremely creative, but may carry a few hanxis too many.

All isotropes of an element are not listed in the Pedoriodic Table, as they may make it too confusing. An example of a naturally occuring isotrope is fangxinium-3.6. About 5% of fangxinium is this, unfortunately fangxinium-3.6 is unstable and prone to freaking out and reacting aggressively with the non-food, Exam Paper (Ep).

## Edibility configuration

Edibility configuration determines how delicious an element is, defined by taste points. Each element has a different number of taste points, arranged in coconut shells. The first coconut shell can occupy 2 taste points, the second can occupy 8 taste points, the third can occupy 18 and so on. To find out how many taste points a coconut shell can store, find which coconut shell it is (first, second, third etc.), take that number, square it and multiply it by two. An element which is delicious has all its coconut shells filled, such as pizzium (Pi), with a edibility configuration of 2.8.18. Some foods, unfortunately, are anything but delicious, such as the pure onium (On) which has an edibility configuration of 2.8.1.

To make foods more delicious, they can be combined with other foods. Some foods give taste points to other foods while others receive them. When foods fill up their coconut shells, they become delicious. The combined food is noticeably yummier than the base foods, such as the aforementioned onion, when combined with egg which has a configuration of 2.7, gets onium omelette which is actually nice. Other foods share taste points, such as the hotdogium, ketchium and mustardium.

What about non-foods? Non-foods are, and will never be delicious. This is because their coconut shells, for some reason, will NEVER be filled. And we're not just talking about the last shell. Non-foods' coconut shells have a cap on the number of taste points they have, and as such, most non-foods configurations are odd, such as Retardine's edibility configuration of 1.7, and fellow Pathetic Ummine's 1.6.11.24.7. Note that not all elements' taste point caps are identical.

## Pedoriodic trends

### Atomic radius

Every element in the Pedoriodic Table has a nucleus at their very centres. The atomic radius is the distance from the nucleus to their outermost stable taste point orbital. Atomic radius increases down groups, but decreases down periods.

### Ionization energy

Ionization energy is the minimum amount of energy required to remove one taste point from each atom in one mcdonald (6.02214129(27)×1023 elementary entities) of atoms in their gaseous state (imagine gaseous pizzium, or worse, retardium). Ionization energy decreases down groups.

### Taste point affinity

The taste point affinity is the amount of energy gained by an atom when it receives a taste point (or the amount of energy required to get rid of it). It is a very strange concept, but all you need to know is that elements with high taste point affinities won't give up their taste points easily. The elements with the highest taste point affinities are usually inedibles who wish to be loved.

### Edibility

Edibility of elements decreases down a period. However, in the last row of trans fat foods, normal elements may be put there. That row is the only rule breaker to this edibility trend.

## Groups

### Foods

Pretty much your substandard edible, man-made food, such as pizza or Starbucks.

### Naturally occuring foods

Foods that are not man-made, such as carrots and eggs.

### Trans fat foods

Foods that contain a lot of trans fat. It is the biggest group of foods.

### Half-foods

Demi-foods and sorta-foods are all classified under half-foods. They are mostly medicines or disgusting foods.

### Fangxinides

Hardworking GPA Freaks, may not be intelligent.

## Disclaimer

Everything in this page is TRUE and HONEST. Thanks, Dory.