The Balloon One, Tara

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**The Balloon One, Tara** is an episode of WTFIWWY Live.

## Show Intro

Catherine has gone above and beyond for us this week...

## "Naked Burglar Found in Bedroom, Pretending to be Asleep"

Police were responding to a 911 call when a subject approached and told them there was an intruder in the house next door. The burglar, a 20-year-old student, was hiding under the covers when found. Nash explains the rules of home invasions: keep your clothes on, and while it may work for the monster under the bed, pretending to be asleep under the covers does not ward off the police. His mugshot earns him a moment on the big screen.

## "Naked Man Threw Tennis Balls at Cars"

A man in his forties or fifties was arrested while wandering around naked and throwing tennis balls at people. He wasn't too happy about the police showing up and attacked the officers, but that didn't seem to be much of a deterrent for them. Tara again wants to know how he got to this point. Someone in the chat points out that most naked crazy people are men, but Nash has to object due to the next story...

The Original Story

## "Woman Charged with Leaving Baby in Car as She Headed into Bar, Topless"

A topless woman had to be turned away by police from entering a bar. Her nine-month-old daughter was found in her car; the evening was nearly 90 degrees Fahrenheit, prompting a charge of reckless endangerment. Both hosts are pretty annoyed by the child endangerment, but speculate that most places with "no shirt, no shoes, no service" do not mention pants. Tara brings up an in-joke from her old job at a mall.

## "Suspect Caused Crash, Stabbed Self, Motorists"

A man drove head-on into a car, then stabbed himself and the other driver with a cordless drill. He tried to stab the passenger but couldn't, then fled into a nearby garage where the homeowner and friends held him until police arrived. He was bleeding from the neck. He'd been detoxing from pain medication, suffered sleep loss and was hallucinating. Rehab is not a home game, kids.

## "Woman Who 'Likes to Throw Fire' Arrested"

A woman was arrested on suspicion of arson in the apartment she was being evicted from. She told the police that she "likes to throw fire at things" when she gets scared.

## "Woman High on Bath Salts Trashes Hotel Room"

Cops arrived to find a 40-some woman sitting on her hotel room bed, having trashed the place. She was talking about evil spirits and needing to protect herself. She was an abuser of bath salts, naturally. She became combative when the cops tried to arrest her.

Nash blames *Supernatural*, to Tara's wrath. Again, Nash questions why anyone would want to take a drug that makes you see evil spirits and cause mayhem.

Link to the original story (complete with grammatical error!)

## Police Say Pot Pipe Plucked from Fort Pierce Resident's Rear End"

Nash approves of the constant alliteration and puts the front end of the drug addict on full screen. The man was caught making an illegal U-turn while on a warrant for violating his probation. When initially asked whether he had an drugs or paraphernalia, he said no, but after being arrested he admitted that there was a marijuana pipe in his rear end.

Tara misses the good old days of Nobody Wants to See Your Dick, and argues with Nash that he couldn't have hidden the pipe in the time he'd been pulled over, even though the alternative is no more less insane.

## Man Dressed as Batman Charged with Trespassing

Tara's faith in humanity is restored by this event. A man was arrested after he was seen hanging from the top wall of a downtown business. The cops pulled him in and put him away, confiscating lead-lined gloves, an irritant spray and some kind of baton. He also earns the big screen and accompanying commentary. Nash asks Tara which kind of angry she wants to see next in order to choose the final story of the night.

## "Blind Man Confused Over Mystery Enema"

An elderly, partially blind man answered the door to meet a woman who claimed she was there to give him an enema. Assuming this was part of his rehabilitation (he'd recently had medical issues), he complied. A few days later he acted on growing suspicions and called the police, who confirmed with his doctor that no enema had been requested or authorized. Because of his sight problems he couldn't identify the woman. Tara suggested that in the future people might check in with their doctor before taking a random enema, while Nash was too consumed with laughter to really argue. The chat promptly dubbed her the Enema Fairy.

It's now time for the final episode, and Nash announces the discovery of a bizarre new fetish.

## "DuLuth Ball Slasher Arrested Again"

A man known for the sexual fetish of slashing exercise balls with a knife, and an amusing surname, allegedly attempted to break into a school. He was caught when he triggered the alarm and he waited with the staff while the police came. Last time he was caught in a clinic with the damage already done. Tara and Nash wonder how a) someone figures out how they have the fetish and b) why he couldn't just do this at home. The ball puns come flooding in, and Tara orders the horde to find a website dedicated to this fetish, to Nash's horror, partly as a response to her fear of getting a hippo-shaped vibrator in the mail last week.

That's when the chat brings them a website dedicated to a balloon-popping fetish. It comes with video, mirrored here, which Tara makes them watch.

## What We Learned Tonight

This video doesn't have a wrap-up since there's nothing else to say after that video.