34th Vipers Comms: Vaughn's Journal

## Vaughn's Journal

### Description

Vincent Vaughn records an audio journal in which he reflects on an encounter with Brooks that led him to defecting to the Vipers.

### Speaker(s)

Vincent Vaughn

**Vaughn:** I remember the last words she spoke to me, you know? Every time I close my eyes, every night when I go to bed...I hear them. In this world, the future is uncertain. I could die tomorrow or I could live to be eighty. But I don't think I'll ever forget what she said to me.

**Vaughn:** I used to idolize Brooks. I think all the Praetorians do. I think that's why we were chosen. Not because we were sycophants, but because we were loyal to her. Willing to do whatever she told us to. Without question, without hesitation, without fear. And I did. I believed. I thought she was a prophet. I thought we were going to save the world. The others here can judge me all they want for my past, but at least I'm honest.

**Vaughn:** A lot of people ask me why I left. Can't say I've ever heard of another Praetorian defecting. I suppose I don't blame them for being suspicious at first.

**Vaughn:** *(long, deep sigh)* I remember being sent to this little settlement, out in the middle of nowhere. Snow started to come early that fall. We'd gotten wind of a rumor that some anti-True Sons guerillas had set up shop there, that the civilians were providing them shelter despite what they'd done. I think they were blamed for killing a few of our settlers, I can't remember. Looking back...I wonder if that was true. Nah, Brooks may be crazy, but she's not bloodthirsty. She wouldn't send us to kill for no reason. Ah, I'm getting off track.

**Vaughn:** I won't go into the gory details. But yeah, I killed. All of us did. Slaughtered the whole camp. I think I went numb at some point. That's not to try and excuse what I did. I remember looking down at one of the ones I'd shot. I remember the way the blood contrasted with the falling snow. It was so...stark. Like a stain of paint on a wall. That thin trail of blood splattered against the snow, so elegant in a strange way I can't really explain even now.

**Vaughn:** I barely registered when I felt a hand on my shoulder. But even in that state...I heard the voice clear as day. The same voice that was so often so intoxicating, so welcoming and full of love. The voice that made me feel for the first time in my life that I actually mattered, that someone actually cared about me. The voice that warmed your body and filled your soul. The well that filled me up, that lifted me from the darkest places. And for the first time...that voice...scared me. Not because it was threatening or angry. No, if anything, she was sorrowful. And that frightened me more than you can possibly imagine.

**Vaughn:** *"This is your burden."* She told me. *"The burden you and I both share. We are chosen by something greater than us to follow a righteous path. But in doing so...we are called to make choices that will weigh on our souls. We have been given a gift...but it remains up to us whether or not we choose to embrace it...or cast it aside. Pain. Sacrifice. These are all part of our test. We must be ready to fulfill the purpose laid before us, no matter what is asked. The lives we take are a mercy. For they have seen the end of their suffering. It is us who must carry the burden of our sins, and hope that it all matters in the end. That we can do something good, some amount of atonement for the lives we take, the homes we ruin, the hearts we break. Sometimes evil must be inflicted if good is the outcome. That is the cost of our chosen path. And we can either move forward, carry the burden to the end, and hope it was worth it. Or we can ignore it, run from it, hide, try to find another path. But in the end...destiny always wins. We can't escape it. We can't change it. We aren't heroes, Vincent. And we will not be welcome in the kingdom of heaven."*

**Vaughn:** I just....started running. I looked back one last time before I got to the treeline. I saw her staring at me. She was far away, but I felt I saw...understanding in her eyes. She didn't try to stop me. Never sent anyone after me. She didn't need to. That look was enough to break me. And I think she knew that. I didn't stop running for days. And I wept the whole time. Sometimes I still do.

**Vaughn:** I'll never forget those words as long as I live. Just like I'll never forget that thin trail of blood....flowing from that little girl's head....

*(recording ends)*