Anon

* Human
* Animal
* Hybrid

**Anon** is the fifth guy to appear in the game. He is unlocked by reaching level 16 in the Gaming (Gamer) hobby. Story wise, he is turned into a lemur, and meets you in a cafe after you accidentally hack into NORAD.

## **Personality**

Anon comes off as a reclusive and cheeky geek who is content with his tendency to spend most of his time online. He is a hacker who you can commission to hack into peoples cell phone devices. He has many confirmed relations. Adelbert (Father), Nina from crush crush (Implied sister), Valentine (Estranged cousin).

## **Dialogue List**

### **First Meeting**

1. You decide to try searching the "internets" for information on the manimals you cursed. You grab a seat at an internet cafe, and start internetting. But after a few quick searches, you realize you've accidentally hacked into NORAD.
2. A mysterious message pops-up on your screen, from a hacker called *Anon*. He congratulates you on your leet hacking skillz, and calls for a truce.
3. "**I cannae BELIEVE ye beat ma best time! Even as I was tryin' to stop ye! That kind of hackin' demands a pint to celebrate. Let's go - I'm at the computer just in front of ye. Don't mind ma affliction."**
4. You look up, and are surprised to see a lemur where you were expecting to see something more human-shaped. It's one of the boys you cursed! Now you just have to break the news that his 'affliction' is your fault...

#### Talk

* At least ye didn't turn me into a frog. Long, lonely story that one. Name's Anon, by the by.
* Meh. At least I still have thumbs. I can type. I can raid. Ye can go. I got dis.
* U wot, mate? Ye sayin' yer the source of ma plight? Are ye just havin' a go at me?
* So yer the daft punk that /b/ witched me, aye? And here I was hopin' I was just trippin' red bulls or something.
* I should be doxxin' ye back to the stone age. Yer children's children will be receivin' glitter bombs when I'm through with ye!

#### Date

* [Dinner] Gawd, is there any greater achievement of mankind than unlimited free bread? There's nae. I checked.
* [BoatRide] Those Koi fish now have 59,000 followers. And a lot of creepy fanart on 4chan. The internet didn't let me down today.
* [Coaster] Look, all's well that ends well. Sure, the roller coaster crashed. But now that's a thing we can look back on fondly together. Brings a tear to ma eye.
* [Carnival] Ye be scared yer way, and I'll be mine. While ye were shakin' in yer boots at cardboard ghosties, I was checkin' the crypto market. Talk about fear!

#### Poke

* What did ye just do to me? I'll have you know I graduated top of ma class in the Navy Seals, and I have over 300 confirmed... Oh wait. This isn't the internet. Don't tickle me like that.

#### Upgrade to Acquaintance

1. Alright. If ye be insistin' on pesterin' me, ye can stick around. But be warned that I'm still plannin' ma revenge, and it will be a sight to behold when I enact it.
2. Good. We're both on the same page. Grab a controller, let's game.

### **Acquaintance**

* Perchin' on the toiler is ma new least favorite thing.

#### Talk

* Ye sure do like to blather. Mind puttin' these in a text, so I can ignore them at ma leisure?
* Stickin' around? Yer choice. But now we're gonna talk a bit about if P = NP, and all the applications it has on yer life. Startin' right now.
* Did ye know we're a quantum tunnelin' event away from collapsin' the false vacuum of the universe and ceasin' to exist? Bein' a lemur don't seem so bad now, aye?
* Ugh. I've got this weird impulse to bask in the sun now. I'm a gawd-damn basement dweller with a sun fetish. Where's a decent poacher when ye need em?
* I caught myself hackin' into the global banana supply database today. I was less concerned about the impulse, and more about the fact that there's a global banana supply database.

#### Upgrade to Frenemy

1. I'm lookin' for a character reference on ma resume. I'm puttin' yer number on there, and yer goin' to say nice things for me, aye?
2. Good, I'm glad we understand one another. Also, this wasn't the most awkward way ever to ask for yer number. Don't be slanderin' me with yer baseless accusations.
3. [With 'Friend' picture] While you're outside getting some much needed sun, Anon looks up from his phone laughing. **"Ahaha! Look'it this little guy. He fell down! Hahaha! Oh, by the way, we're friends now. Don't make a big deal o'vit."**

### **Frenemy**

* The next twat that yells zaboomafoo in ma face is gettin' wrecked.

#### Gift

* Ah, thanks. Nice and practical, and I can sell it online if I ever need extra scratch. Perfect!

#### Upgrade to Friendzoned

1. Ye be a nice sort. Just the sort to fit nicely in the friendzone. Bet ye hear that pretty often, aye?
2. Glad I could keep a tradition goin'.

### **Friendzoned**

* A lemur's diet consists mostly of fruit and leaves. That was already ma diet. Only I did other stuff with the leaves...

#### Talk

* I hacked into the Pentagon again today. I left a crumb train, so the NSA would raid ma home. When they got there, I was a lemur. I'm like a troll gawd now.
* I was just thinkin' how much I bloody love cats. Fuzzy little murder machines. Turn me into a cat next time, if yer feelin' kindly.
* HA! I just realized that yer magic spell regressed ma genetics and throws evolution into doubt. Checkmate atheists, aye?
* Did ye know the word "Lemur" is Latin for "spirit of the dead". If yer wonderin' if that's ma new gamertag, yer damn right.
* All of me closeted furry friends are spammin' me with DTFs now. That's nae me complainin'. I'm from the internet. I'd be more insulted if they did nae do it.
* It's the little mistakes that get ye. Ma first energy drink, I failed to account for bein' a quarter ma size. Lemurs don't need 2000 mg of taurine; let me tell ye.

#### Upgrade to Awkward Besties

1. Wut's that? We gotta snog to break the curse? Flippin' A, that's ma kinda curse. Are ye sure a pint won't do the trick? Aw well. Kiss it is.
2. Here's goes nothing.
3. [With 'Kiss' picture] "So we gotta try a kiss to break the curse? Haha! Ye've gotta kiss a monkey!" He puckers up, the sparkles and bubbles appear, and the face you're kissing gets much less furry. Progress!

### **Awkward Besties**

* I missed pants. Never thought I would say that.

#### Talk

* Did ye know lemurs have a matriarchal society? Ye could say it taught me about male privilege and equality. But then again, ye could say lots of things. Like, "I am a banana."
* But now ye see the truth, aye? I be as ginger as Canada Dry. Ye best be warned what that means... That I'm just as sweet and refreshin' too. Wink wink.
* Are ye busy? I was thinkin' about hackin' into the power grid for the western seaboard and causin' massive blackouts for the lulz. But we could go get ice cream instead, I suppose.
* Oh thank Cthulhu, I can wash ma hands properly again. Sweet burnin' sensation of alcohol-based cleansers, how I've missed ye!
* Oh hey, I'm mostly human again. I'll celebrate by doin' the stuff I was already doin'. But sexier.
* Yesterday I hacked into the NCIC to wipe yer criminal record. But it was already blank. I think that means we need to cause a little more trouble around here.
* Glad to have ma manhood back and proper though. It might be the silliest lookin' thing in nature, but gawd damn if i wasn't over havin' fuzzy junk instantly.
* If ye be unable to cure me of these ears and tail, we can call it even if ye give yerself soma too. I think ye'd look fetchin' with soma kitty ears.

#### Gift

* Ye don't need to buy me things! No really - I can get just about anything I want on the dark web. I've got bitcoin for days.

#### Date

* .[Dinner] Hahaha! I told ye those lemur selfies would pay for themselves. Now I'm the official mascot of three restaurants, two sports teams, and a largely fiber-based cereal!
* [BoatRide] It's bloody well barbaric! If ye can't find a power outlet in the middle of a lake while ridin' on the back of some plastic pink monstrosity, then I don't want to live on this planet anymore!
* [Coaster] Yer just jealous that I'm so good at multitaskin' that I can text and coast at the same time.
* [Carnival] Oh, just snuggle up and watch. Ye've heard of Netflix and chill? Well this is Netflix and... chillin'? Somathing. Whatever, shut up, I'm watchin' ma stories.

#### Upgrade to Crush

1. I was thinkin' today that I'd like to start awkwardly flirtin' with ye. I recommend before things go further that ye make peace with that.
2. Good. There's nothing worse about awkward flirtin' than it actually bein' awkward. I can't abide that much cringe in ma life.

### **Crush**

* Nah, ye don't need to adjust yer settings. I really look this good

#### Gift

* Aww, look it ye givin' me nice things like it's goin' out of style. Just like this gift. Ha! Just jokin' luv, don't look at me like that.

#### Upgrade to Sweetheart

1. So yer sayin that "feels = reals" or soma nonsense, and the power of love and friendship is gonna change me back?
2. I cannae believe I'm stuck in some weeaboo bullshit fantasy game. Oh well - let's give'er a try!

### **Sweetheart**

* Unfortunately, I must still smell pretty attractive to other lemurs. Ma last trip to the zoo, there were a lot of thirsty lemurs checkin' me out...

#### Upgrade to Boyfriend

1. I accidentally updated ma Twitch stream that I was in a relationship. I don't want to be bothered changin' it back, so let's just make it official, aye?
2. Great. Thanks for savin' me nine seconds of inconvenience. I appreciate it.

### **Boyfriend**

* Oi, nice to see ye. Are we goin' to be makin' a nuisance of ourselves together today?

#### Talk

* I just noticed yer the attractive sort. Ye've got the kind of eyes that take one's breath away. If I faint, I'm hackin' yer instagram.
* Ye busy? I was goin' to make a bad "Nutflix and chill" joke, then get super awkward when ye hesitate, before goin' to make memes for a few hours instead. But I can cancel.
* Damn. I actually really like ye, and I want to do a bunch of romantic normie bs now. Ma sarcastic nature just can't handle it.
* We should hold hands. Once ye've washed yers. No offense. The thought of microscopic germs pollutin' ma bloodstream and impregnatin' me with their asexual offspring just ruins the mood a bit.
* I like ye better than cats. Almost. It's within R point two plus minus alt 5. That's crazy romantic, aye?

#### Gift

* This will look great on ma bedroom floor. In fact there's a few things I could imagine lookin' great there...

#### Poke

* Ack! Ye made me giggle! Now it's ma turn to make ye blush!

#### Upgrade to Lover

1. So this is it. The last level before I turn back to normal. It's been uhh... Pleasant actually. Ye've been a right proper sweetheart, and I hope ye choose to stick around.
2. Thanks luv. I feel the same.
3. [With 'Transformation' picture] While playing some couch co-op, Anon gives you a sideways look, then leans over and kisses you. It's a quick, silly thing... But it causes a magical explosion! Anon falls to the ground, a little stunned and surprised. The curse is broken!
4. [With 'Lover' picture] **"Hey - I took this photo for ye to get'cha hot and bothered. Did it work? And no, before ye accuse me, I did nae photoshop the abs. You can tell because of the way it is. Hit me up sometime when you want to make trouble."** - *Anon*

2. He pauses for a moment, and you can see his erection throbbing intensely. He shrugs, picks himself up, and begins to undress you. He licks your neck, your stomach, and your privates until you feel your body shudder with pleasure. When you finally grasp his dick, he can only last a few moments before cumming himself.
3. Later, laying on your couch, he laughs, **"Haha! Damn! Yer better with yer hands than I thought. Mind if we go another round? Feel like I got something to prove now."** Another round becomes three more before he finally collapses, exhausted.

### **Lover**

* Ye be a fairer sight than a bitcoin surge, luv!

#### Date

* [Masquerade] Aye luv, I'll put the phone down and dance ye up proper. But first the selfie. Always the selfie first.
* [All the rest are same as Boyfriend]

#### Upgrade to Max Lover

1. Yeah yeah yeah. Stop givin' me that smug look. Yer as romantic as hell, n' ye keep blowin' ma mind. Shut it.
2. Ahh, just jokin', ma wee haggis! Keep it up. Ye know I love it.

### **Max Lover**

* Hey, what sort of nonsense are we gettin' into today?
* Ahh! There ya are! I was refreshin' yer instagram like a mad man, but ya weren't updatin'! Guess I was afraid I wouldn't see ya today.
* Ahh, ya snuggly bastard. Give me a hug! That's definitely one thing that's way better in person than in a DM.
* Ya know, ya still make me gasp a little every time I see ya. Maybe I'm a little allergic?
* Want to go to the zoo today? Tempt fate?
* **(Naked)** How does a screen junkie like me stay so fit you ask? I vibrate. Ma leg bounces are the stuff of legend.
* **(Naked)** Surprise! I still be naked!
* **(Naked)** Ma clothes didn't load. Yer wifi sucks, I guess.

#### Talk

* Nae gonna lie, I miss the ears. I was a kawaii little bastard, aye? But I'm glad ma headphones aren't just cosmetic anymore.
* Looks like ye've cured me with the power of love. That's so lame that we may as well kiss and live happily ever after, like the bloody cliches we are.
* I think our relationship is ready to go to the next level. Let's get a cat.
* Ya should keep wearin' whatever it is yer wearin' that makes ya smell so good. Because ya smell pretty.
* We can hold hands now. Ya don't need to wash'em. Okay, maybe just wash'em a little. Sorry - I'm gettin' better at this human contact thing.
* I squeezed 10 pounds of oranges into half a litre of juice for ya. If that's nae love, then I can't be arsed to figure out what is.
* I suppose now I'm in a love triangle with ya and all those other blokes. Wait - love TRIANGLE? Illuminati confirmed.
* Did ya... want to go outside together? What? Don't look at me like I'm daft! I'm a ginger voluntarily invitin' ya into the sun! Ya should feel honored!
* When the zombie apocalypse begins, get to ma house as quickly as ye can. I have a plan to protect us. And nine thousand packages of girl guide cookies.
* I was thinkin' of orderin' a couple of lemur costumes. For roleplay. Ah, just kiddin'!
* I still get the odd lemur impulse. Or at least I hope they're lemur impulses. Otherwise I might just be a bit odd in the head.
* I built ya a new computer rig, complete with some script kiddie stuff so we can DDOS together. Just like a normal couple!
* I was hackin' into the NSA's firewall today, when ma mind wandere and I started thinkin' of ya. Ya didn't know it, but yer the best cyber defense in the world right now.
* **(Naked)** With ma acute senses, I can tell the air conditionin' is on. I'm like a bloody superhero when I'm naked.
* **(Naked)** Ya best be aware that I don't do casual nudity. It's sexy time or bust with this hacker-formerly-known-as-lemur.
* **(Naked)** I have an irrational fear I'm goin' to catch ma junk in the door. Wait, did I say irrational?
* **(Naked)** Aye, the rumors be true. Drapes and carpets and all that. And if ya make one snarky comment about "fire crotch" I'm goin' to hack yer facebooks.
* **(Naked)** Listen, I hate to waste a perfectly good "bein' naked". We should at least go on Chatroulette and make people uncomfortable or something.
* **(Naked)** Kiddin' aside, I hope ya like what ya see. Naked Anon is a rare sight in the wild. We be shy creatures.
* **(Naked)** Ya want to spoon and whisper inappropriate things to each other? I warn ya - if ya take little spoon, ya be gettin' a much different experience.
* **(Naked)** Ya know what they say about skin bein' the "largest organ". Well it's true. And ma pedantic nature won't even let me make a joke about it and ma junk.
* **(Naked)** If yer nae enjoyin' the view, may I request a t-shirt? Ma nips could cut glass at this point.

#### Gift

* ...I dunno what to say... Thanks luv... It's... good.
* Bloody hell, yer generous. Like in a weird way. It kind of turns me on a bit, no lie.
* More stuff, aye? I'd be lyin' if I said I didn't like more stuff.
* Thanks luv. Yer sweeter than the first sip of red bull in the morning.
* **[Boxers]**  Nothin' like a proper banana hammock to make a man feel truly comfortable
* **[Birthday Suit]**  Whoop, there go ma clothes. I'm glad to see yer usin' that magic of yers properly now.
* **[Spooky Outfit]** Hey luv. I'm dressed in honor of all the poor scrubs I've rekt online. I remember each of their deaths, and they're all funny to me. Fear the reaper, noobs.
* **[Butler Outfit]** I drew ye a bath. It's got candles, a mountain of bubbles, a couple o' mallard ducks, and judging by the massive tentacle draped over the tub, a kraken. Well, I didn't so much "draw" it as I did PhotoTune it. I'm gonna call it "Epic Bath Time" and see how many plusvotes it gets online.
* **[Kigurumi Outfit]** I like this, but I don't want anyone else to know l like it. So let's just turn off our phones, make sure all the curtains are closed, crank the A/C, and go from there.
* **[Summer Outfit]** This might surprise ye, but I quite like to barbecue. Steak, kebabs, corn on the cobb - I'll make whatever ye like, as long as we can go back inside once the food's done.
* **[Masquerade Outfit]** Whatever the game, yeh'll forever be ma player two.
* **[RPG Outfit]** Haha, yes! Let's have an old-fashioned LAN party! We'll stay up all night making our characters do stuff in the game.

#### Poke

* Torture is outlawed by the Geneva convention, ya prat!
* Gawd damn it! How are yer hands so fast and strong? Ye've got the hands of a journeyman carpenter or something.
* Ahaha! No! Bad! Keep yer hands to yerself, before I DDOS yer favorite websites into the ground!
* **(Naked)** Stop it! I hate ma laugh, especially ma naked laugh. Aye, that's a thing!
* **(Naked)** Ah ha ha! No! Bad touch! Ye already lemur-ed ma dignity away, stop with the tickles!
* **(Naked)** Oh fine! But my revenge tickles will reduce ye to a blatherin' mess of aroused giggles!
* **(Naked)** Oi! None of that now! Nae unless it be leadin' to mutual nakedness and crazy amounts of love makin'. Like, just an unreasonable amount of love makin'.

#### Upgrade to Lover +

1. Oi! I can't even fit all the crap ya give me into my apartment anymore. I'm startin' to think yer doin' it on purpose!
2. Ack, don't give me that look. Ya know how I really feel. But I gotta make ya feel a little awkward, or I'm gonna get REALLY awkward.

### **Dialogue About Cole**

* Bloody ashes! Some MONSTER broke into my flat, snuck into my room, and dumped all my clean laundry on the floor! Now I have to sanitize and fold it all again. Frick!
* Got an anonymous message last night, threatening to kill me. I tracked the IP back to my own flat. Either someone is hiding in my house, or I'm really mad at myself.
* I've been noticing a lot more death threats than usual. Either I played really well last night, or I've got a stalker bent on taking me out. Meh. That's the internet for ya.
* Oh I tracked those nasty messages back to some bloke named 'Cole'. He didn't look too dangerous. Still, now I've got his info on a dead man's trigger. If I ever go missing, the feds'll get his info lickety split.
* Someone's been tampering with my security system. Normally I'd be pretty cheesed, but they did a good job. I'm setting up a better one, and hope they have another go at it.
* Something terrible happened. I sat down to eat last night. And in my food, I found... A hair. Someone has made an enemy this day. My revenge will be swift and lemon scented.

## **Trivia**

* He is a germaphobe.
* He smokes weed, at least recreationally.
* He loves cats.
* He makes several references to being internet savvy (/b/, 4chan, doxxing, "Navy Seal" copypasta, etc)
* Judging by his appearance (bright green eyes, bright red hair) and Nina's stronger accent, Anon is most likely Scottish.
* He is related to Nina from Crush Crush. He is likely her brother, as implied by Theo.
* Basil mentions a "league of redheads" which could be Anon and his family.
* The phone Anon has when he's a lemur resembles that of the first iPhone.
* His requirements were rebalanced for V.0.20 - affection needed decreased, some hobby levels decreased, and some gift requirements changed:
	+ Awkward Besties - 50,000 Coffees to 10,000 Coffees
	+ Crush - 666 Calculators to 69 Calculators
	+ Boyfriend - 1,000 Games to 100 Games
	+ Lover - 2 Laptops to 1 Laptop

## Galleries

### Memory Album

Encounter Photo 1Encounter Photo 2Frenemy PhotoAwkward besties PhotoTransformation PhotoLover PhotoDinner Date (Animal Version)BoatRide Date (Animal Version)Coaster Date (Animal Version)Carnival Date (Animal Version)Dinner Date (Hybrid Version)BoatRide Date (Hybrid Version)Coaster Date (Hybrid Version)Carnival Date (Hybrid Version)Dinner Date (Human Version)BoatRide Date (Human Version)Coaster Date (Human Version)Carnival Date (Human Version)Masquerade DateAnon Line Up