Episode 5

The fifth episode of Lecture Hall. Uploaded on October 13, 2020.

Recapped by Kevin on 10/8/21

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	+ B reveals that Greg was on an improv team “before everything shut down”, B says she often tries to initiate a scene with Greg whenever she enters a room, to mixed results (often leading to Broti’s death)
	+ Dylan asks if killing is allowed in improv, then accidentally comes up with the plot of the HBO series Barry (kind of)
	+ Broti thinks a “serial killer in improv” plot would be foiled by the no props rule
	+ B&D reveal their improv style is to frequently just say, “no, not really” or “actually it wouldn’t happen like that”
* Broti talks about her infusion and questions the life choices of her Maui-born nurse
* Dylan mentions a nurse of hers who only identifies as a nurse between auditions, which Broti thinks is a HIPAA violation
* Dylan brags about her perfect blood pressure, breaking the third rule of improv
* Broti begins talking about the hit show 30 Rock using a reference to a gag I do not remember even after her explanation, revealing Broti's anti-Canadian pronunciation stance
* Dylan reveals it is Freak Week (as promised) and Broti decides Dylan should go first

### Dylan's Segment

* Dylan picked Harry Houdini because she thought magic would be really funny, but she accidentally respected him, a common occurrence for B&D
* Broti wisely notes that Houdini’s family business was serving God while his business became rejecting God, a hot and timely Houdini take
* B&D discuss 9-year-old trapeze artist names, including “Prince of the Air”
* Dylan notices a rhyme and Broti reveals she has been keeping a tally on her “Days Since Dylan Has Rhymed” board
* Dylan creates the excellent nickname of “Lil Houdin’”
	+ Broti follows up with her song parody “Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Houdini” which begs to be written
* Dylan feels the Magician’s Assistant is the most feminine thing in the world
	+ Broti agrees but also adds Art Museum Curator to the list of “Prettiest Jobs in the World”
	+ Broti decides that being in Comedy is like being in the Army, except, as Dylan says, you are serving Satan himself
* Broti admits she thinks Houdini stealing his brother’s girlfriend was his greatest trick of all
* Broti pitches Houdini a great dress swap trick for him and his mom to perform, proof she is finally thinking like a magician
* B&D admire Houdini’s short-lived magic publication for his good marketing techniques
* Dylan admits she does not know what a milk can is, but only after dropping a “wudder”, adding a tally to Broti’s Philly accent board
* Dylan mentions Jennie the Vanishing Elephant, a famous elephant lacking a wikipedia page
* B&D engage in some light magician union-busting
	+ Broti’s “What would be more stressful?” corner: hanging out with a group of magicians or a group of comedians? Dylan goes with comedian since magicians have like a whole thing, but with comedians it pretty much stops with being annoying
* Broti clearly ignores a lengthy explanation of the Mirror Challenge by Dylan as she holds onto the absolute weakest joke possible
	+ Dylan is very tickled by it anyway
* B&D realize they greatly respect Houdini’s showmanship
	+ This begins to cast doubt on the rest of Houdini’s stories, however
	+ Somehow this turns into some light Trump riffing again
* B&D speculate that Houdini may still be alive, then have Deep Thoughts Corner
	+ Dylan says that Houdini taught her to question everything, while Broti says sometimes the toughest thing to escape is a relationship
* Dylan drags Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, dangerous enemy of Houdini, for his belief that magic is real
* Dylan realizes this week is about improv, something she did not sign off on, and Broti reminds her it is Freak Week, where anything could happen
	+ Dylan briefly rants about people who complain about inappropriate prop-holding
	+ Broti mentions the Starbucks coffee cup on Game of Thrones, but Dylan’s hot take is that this was all branding
	+ Broti is revealed to be the famous Starbucks mole
* Dylan has an odd way of pronouncing “museum” but Broti just lets it go, a first for the pod
* Dylan wraps up her segment with some nice Jennie the Vanishing Elephant riffing, completing a Harold
	+ Broti says that improv is an amazing pyramid scheme, and Dylan agrees, calling it “NXIVM without the sex”
* The Vow talk resumes with Dylan revealing that she has become more into Keith while Broti just keeps falling asleep during the episodes
	+ Broti reveals she has had dreams about Dylan’s anxieties
	+ Broti also reveals that she sweats so much in her sleep she is afraid she has soiled herself, which she notes would make a great summary for the episode
* Broti then transitions into her topic, the simple tail, or “a penis for the ass”

### Broti's Segment

* Dylan agrees it is a penis for the ass, but Broti quickly corrects her (despite being the one who just said it seconds ago)
	+ Broti later reveals it is actually a thumb for the ass
* Broti notes the racism inherent in the terms Old World and New World
* Dylan’s jaw drops at the mention of a flying snake
	+ Dylan refers to the flying snake as “Prince of the Air” connecting their two freaks
* Prehensile Tail Hall begins with the mention of “friction pads”
	+ Dylan first greets the mention of friction pads with an emphatic NOOO
	+ Dylan imagines her apartment in college to be called the “friction pad”
	+ B&D decide that sex is a myth, and Broti mentions Dylan’s recent A.V. Club interview where she asserts Benjamin Franklin was also a myth
	+ Broti’s Conspiracy Corner: Cleopatra was a group of people (as were Benjamin Franklin and Shakespeare), possibly the same group of people!
	+ Bearcat chat: Dylan first imagines a bear the size of a cat, then goes on to imagine the frightening cat the size of a bear.  Broti refers to this as a lion.  B&D realize they’ve never seen a bear and lion side by side
	+ B&D decide to name their improv team New World Monkeys.  Happy Freak Week!
	+ Dylan finally asks the question “what is a prehensile tail?” even though Broti explained it just a few minutes ago
	+ Broti reveals she is a seahorse truther, Dylan compliments whoever came up with the name seahorse, as she loves when things are named because they look like other things
* They then transition to Partially Prehensile Tail Hall
	+ Broti mentions Ross Gellar’s monkey from Friends, and B&D miss a great opportunity to discuss a totally nuts plot of a network sitcom
	+ Broti begins talking about snakes and their tails (spoiler: their whole body is a damn tail) but thankfully Dylan returns to Ross’ monkey via a curious Google autocomplete
	+ B&D really want a Cameo from the monkey from Friends
	+ Broti imagines a special, specific kind of Cameo where you can tell the person what to do?  They agree to return to this idea later
* There is so much great animal talk in this episode that I don’t want to spoil, you just have to listen to it.  A whole separate podcast could be made where Broti and Dylan discuss “what animals are other animals”
	+ Broti imagines calling an iguana a “rude, thoughtless little pig” in reference to a famous voicemail
* B&D ruthlessly tear into deer for the flaws of their social signalling system
* Broti wishes to challenge beaver’s use of their tails, but is unsure who to levy such a challenge against
* Dylan questions if dogs are really happy when they wag their tails
* Broti makes a great joke about her mom getting bit by a scorpion and needing rest, but instantly regrets it.
	+ When Dylan questions her about it, they decide they should have shut down the pod after the Alec Baldwin/Iguana bit from earlier
	+ Broti is sad if anyone is still listening and is riffing on the iguana’s expression when Dylan receives a phone call, a first for the pod
	+ Dylan imagines the iguana is trying to call her, which would be a delight
* Dylan recognizes the well-respected Salamander, the Houdini of Amphibians
	+ Dylan is then disturbed at the thought of a salamander tail continuing to wriggle, and imagines a toe that continues walking around after being detached from a foot
	+ Broti then decides they should get really into one of their existing religions since temples are so cool and peaceful
	+ Dylan declares their podcast as Pro-Temple
	+ Broti’s body soils itself as she goes on the record saying Temples > Churches
	+ Dylan is left speechless after learning about regenerated tails
		- B&D ponder the mysteries of regenerated tails for a while before Broti decides they are like Jawbreakers
		- Dylan marvels the transition of Jawbreakers from “not food” to “food” and how she has somehow never choked to death on one
		- Broti is then craving a Jawbreaker until Dylan starts childhood candy corner
	+ Broti gives a very detailed and disgusting explanation of salamander tail breaks without stopping, something Dylan admires
* Dylan imagines a lizard having a fight against its own tail, a real “who wore the dress?” moment
	+ Dylan then calls the podcast “Oprah’s Smartest Podcast”
* Broti suddenly reveals she is on her final thing, talking about how humans can have tails, offering a rare glimpse into the structure of Broti’s topics (which are often total chaos)
* Dylan decides humans have “select fur”
	+ Broti agrees that animals should talk shit about us for this
	+ Dylan mentions podcast favorite Koko the Gorilla and how she thinks humans look like alligators, spilling the tea
	+ Broti again mentions Koko is the Harvey Weinstein of the gorilla world
* Broti reveals that she sometimes looks for pairs of people like her and Dylan, where one is white and one is Indian, but apparently is frequently disappointed
* Broti wraps up with a fun riff on prenatal tails and Programmed Cell Death, a microsoft product
* Dylan realizes that she signals danger by texting, but Broti likes to send Dylan pictures of a deer’s butt
* B&D declare Freak Week a success, and think next week should be Geek Week
	+ Dylan asks if there are other words, like maybe Peak Week, a week about mountains and whatnot
	+ Broti decides it was a fantastic episode where they had a great time and so did the listeners