Judgement Day - Transcript

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Chapter 36 - Judgement Day

Angle on Randoms Tower, cut inside to see Tim shoving all of his belongings in a closet

Tim

“It’s tight, but it’ll have to do”

Alex walks in

Alex

“Whoa Tim, what’s going on?”

Tim

“Apparently the Randoms Elite are sending an inspector, to make sure my magic training isn’t causing me to quote, ‘descend into darkness’ unquote”

Alex

“Oh, well have fun with that!”

Tim

“Okay, probably not though”

Pan up to the boardroom, Ricardio, Jessie and Tucker are waiting for something

Jessie

“Is this really more important than what I saw?!”

Ricardio

“Absolutely, if Tim’s new powers are left without authority-“

Tucker

“Dude I’m right here”

Jessie

“And you’re sure she’ll show up? She’s been busy with tailing the sorcerers”

Ricardio

“Tiny Turret sent me a letter saying she’d show up. She loves the inspections you know”

Jessie

“She does have a way with negation, remember that time she-“

Tucker

“Quiet!”

Lightning and dark smoke starts emitting from the corner of the room, it’s very dramatic. A portal opens up, and it shoots out lightning, and then... a little fairy pops out

Ricardio

“Tiny Turret!”

Tiny Turret

“Hello Ricardio. Who’s the target?”

Ricardio

“Malcom’s son, Tim”

Tiny Turret

“Tim? Hmm... what did he do?”

Ricardio

“He’s been learning magic, aka sorcery”

Tucker

“There’s actually a differ-“

Ricardio

“Can it! So Tiny Turret, can you make sure it’s safe?”

Tiny Turret considers for a moment

Tiny Turret

“I can do that”

Intro plays

Alex and Lily walk into the lobby to see a guy playing guitar

Alex

“What the- um... you have a case or something?”

???

“Oh no I’m not a client, my name is Martian Phillips. I’m a new employee, P-Sauce’s replacement”

Lily

“WHAT?!”

Alex

“Whoa dude, what did P-Sauce do?”

Martian

“Well y’see I’m from the CRD-“

Lily

“The huh?”

Martian

“Comic Relief Department. We make sure that the local funny characters- I mean people, don’t break the rules”

Alex

“Oh this some fourth wall junk”

Martian

“Anyway, last episode- I mean week, P-Sauce broke the rules! He saved a main character, being Lily, from being eaten by a horrifying monster! You’re not supposed to do that!”

Lily

“Hey, my hunk of sauce cares about me! That was proof!”

Alex

“And what do you have that he doesn’t?”

Martian

“Let me put it simply”

He takes out his guitar and performs a musical number, half way through P-Sauce enters

P-Sauce

“Hey dudes, uh, what’s going on here?”

Martian

“Oh hey buddy, yeah you’ve been replaced”

P-Sauce

“What? Why would I- I don’t even-“

Martian

“You’re a comic relief, not a guardian! You can’t directly interfere with the lives of the main characters! Saving Lily was the last straw”

P-Sauce

“I don’t even- what? Why am I a comic relief?”

Martian

“You tell jokes, have a gimmick, and as of now have not affected the grander plot or character arcs in any way, here, let me just sing at you”

P-Sauce

“I’m not comfortable with this”

Martian performs the second half of the musical number

Lily

“So that was weird, P-Sauce let’s go”

P-Sauce tries walking up to Lily and Alex, but his feet are stuck to the ground

Martian

“Oh yeah, I’m also a cosmic being, yeah forgot to mention that!”

P-Sauce

“Sad”

Cut to Tim, who’s just finished up cleaning his room

Tim

“Okay... somewhat happy with this...”

Tiny Turret

“It’s okay”

Tim

“HOLY- hello! You’re the inspector? But you’re so wittle”

Tiny Turret

“Gonna ignore that, I’m the inspector, Tiny Turret. I’ll be making sure all of your magical stuff is safe, got it?”

Tim

“I think so”

Tiny Turret

“Yeah, so the first part of the inspection involves a demonstration of your powers. Do some magic”

Tim

“Okay! Okay... I can, I can do that! Uh, wanna see some levitation?”

Tiny Turret

“Yes”

Tim

“Okay, let me... uh...”

He places a cup on his dresser, then levitates it with a magic beam

Tim

“How’s that?”

Tiny Turret

“Next try duplication magic”

Tim

“A what?”

Tiny Turret

“To put it simpler, see that cup? Make another one using magic”

Tim

“Okay... I haven’t learned that yet, but okay”

He walks over to the cup, creates a beam around it, and focuses really hard (all while Tiny Turret takes notes on small clipboard).

It explodes, glass flies in  all directions

Tim

“AGH! That wasn’t supposed to happen!”

Tiny Turret

“No, it wasn’t”

Tim

“What’s next?”

Tiny Turret

“Your final magic test, shrinking magic! Shrink that desk”

Tim

“Okay, easy! No offense, but I’m fairly confident I can do that!”

He carelessly shoots a magic beam at it, causing the desk to grow to a massive size

Tiny Turret

“Huh... bit dangerous”

Tim

“Uh- is the inspection done?”

Tiny Turret

“Oh no, we have much more to deal with, that’s just the ‘magic portion,’ now we dive into the real stuff”

Tim looks extremely nervous

Cut to the cafeteria, Alex and Lily are sitting next to Martian awkwardly, as he eats a burger

Martian

“Y’know, I used to eat burgers all the time back at my dad’s burger bar, then I decided to devote my life to Mexican food... we don’t talk anymore...”

Alex

“Oh lord he’s trying out dark humor... \*while Martian is still talking\* Lily, go try to free P-Sauce”

Lily

“You got it chief!”

Martian

“So anyway, that’s why I- hey where’s Lily going?”

Alex

“Restroom”

Martian

“Ah I see”

Cut back to Tim and Tiny Turret

Tiny Turret

“Next up are questions devoted to your personality, the results will change depending on your answers”

Tim

“Sounds good, great even!”

Tiny Turret

“Question 1, if you were to come across a turtle stuck on its back, what would you do?”

Tim

“Basketball- Sorry, I shout sports when I’m nervous... you’re scary...”

Tiny Turret

“Yes... yes I am...”

Tim

“Eeeigh... um, well I’d probably-“

Tiny Turret writes something on her clipboard, distracting Tim

Tim

“Uh, flip it over again”

Tiny Turret

“Next question, if you made a tv show, what would the plot be?”

Time elapses, we hear more questions as Tim looks increasingly tired

Tiny Turret

“And finally, who’s Malcom’s greatest enemy?”

Tim

“Emperor Warwick, okay are we done?”

Tiny Turret

“Yes. We have one final section to your inspection... your belongings”

Tim

“My what?”

Tiny Turret

“We have to make sure your belongings don’t suggest a dark side. After that, I will add up the results. Understand?”

Tim

“Oh cruuuuud”

Tiny Turret

“We’ll start with your clothes, and just work our way around”

She opens his clothing drawer, and starts judging each article of clothing (either saying, “Good,” or, “evil,” or, “This ones a maybe.”

Cut back to the other plot. Lily sneaks over to P-Sauce.

Lily

“Alright P-Sauce, let’s get you out of there!”

She tugs on his arm

P-Sauce

“Lily, it’s too late for me! Just go on, live your life, abandon me!”

Lily

“NEVER YOU SINGING ANGEL! We’re gonna get you out of here!”

She turns to see Martian

Martian

“Honestly, I’m kinda hurt. Why would you choose him over me?! He broke the ancient rules!”

Lily

“Y’know, for a comic relief you sure don’t have a good sense of humor”

Martian

“Oh you think I’m humorless? HA! That’s hilarious!”

Brief silence

Martian

“Well, I’m also a professional, y’know, this is my life’s work! Don’t wanna mess it up! But then again... where’s the joy if it comes at the expense of others? Nah! I’ll just freeze you too, you started out as a side character, this is definitely allowed!”

He sticks Lily to the ground too

Lily

“Wait! \*trying to break free\* Herrrrgh! Aw great”

Back to Tim’s room, Tiny Turret is reading Tim’s book

Tiny Turret

“Focused on a heist? Odd”

Tim

“Uh, look y’know I like those kind of stories- I mean it’s not like I actually consider doing that sorta thing”

Tiny Turret

“Yes of course, all the same...”

Tim

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Tiny Turret

“Well just to say-“

Bang noise

Tiny Turret

“What was that?”

Tim

“NOTHING-“

Tiny Turret flies over to Tim and Alex’s bunk beds, and lifts them up, revealing a trap door

Tim

“Oh you are very strong”

Tiny Turret

“What have we here?”

Tiny Turret opens it, and goofy creature comes out, making stupid noises

Tiny Turret

“Tim... explain...”

Tim

“Uh, so you know those darn rascally potato chips?”

Tiny Turret

“What?”

Tim

“Okay, I saw him in the Creature Department, he looked so lonely and sad! I just couldn’t leave him there!”

Tiny Turret

“Okay, I think I’ve gotten all of the data I need”

Tim

“Oh thank gosh... how’d I do?”

Tiny Turret looks at her notes, then up at Tim

Tiny Turret (happily)

“You failed. Bye!”

Tim looks horrified

Cut to Martian, in front of Lily and P-Sauce

Lily

“I got issues with this”

Martian

“Oh well”

Alex walks in

Alex

“Hey Martian, Im gonna give you one chance to give up!”

Martian

“No”

Alex

“Okay your loss”

Alex steps aside, as Malcom enters the room

Malcom

“So who are you?”

Martian

“P-Sauce’s replacement! See he broke the ancient rules of th-“

Malcom

“Alex, spear”

Alex chuckles and walks off

Martian

“Wait!”

Cut to the front door, Martian runs outside, a spear gets thrown after him

Malcom

“Bye never come back! That was fun”

Lily

“Malcom we’re still stuck to the ground”

Malcom

“Yep, I’ll grab some elixir”

Cut to Tim and Tiny Turret, Tiny Turret is flying towards the door

Tim

“WAIT PLEASE! YOU CAN’T JUST END IT LIKE THAT! WHY DID I FAIL?!”

Tiny Turret’s tone of voice suddenly turns very cold

Tiny Turret

“Well gee, let’s see. Your magical ability is far too out of control, you only answered four of my questions correctly, and you had... that...”

She indicates the stupid creature, which makes another stupid sound

Tiny Turret

“Under your bed... you failed Timothy Silva, by a mile. In fact, it might be the worst results I’ve ever gotten”

Tim

“Wait! Uh, let me prove it to you! Watch this!”

He nervously shoots an energy beam at the massive desk, shrinking it again, but then it lights on fire. He looks mortified

Tiny Turret (coldly)

“Goodbye Tim”

She flies towards the door, and Tim looks devastated... then, behind him, the fire goes out, and the desk starts glowing. This intrigues Tiny Turret, who turns to watch. The desk begins expanding, extravagantly. Each new section looking more complex than the last, until the desk is very decorative

Tim

“So... uh...”

Tiny Turret

“Hmm...”

She flies off. Tim looks uncomfortable

Cut to the boardroom, Tiny Turret is reporting to Ricardio. Jessie and Tucker listen in eagerly

Tiny Turret

“He answered nearly every question wrong, and was keeping deadly creatures under his bed”

Ricardio

“So it’s over... Tim’s training is over...”

Tucker

“\*sigh\* Well, back to my crippling loneliness-“

Tiny Turret

“I’m not finished”

The other three pay attention again

Tiny Turret

“At the very end, Tim impressed me with a fascinating display of magic unlike anything I’ve ever seen. What caused it, I have no idea, but it’s a-“

Ricardio

“ARE WE SERIOUSLY LETTING HIM OFF FOR THAT?!”

Tiny Turret

“Not exactly. Tim has untapped potential, Tucker needs to promise to commit”

Tucker

“Yes ma’am!”

Tiny Turret

“Ricardio, Jessie, thank you for calling me. I’m happy to help whenever I can”

She flies off

Ricardio

“Ugh, well that-“

She comes back down

Tiny Turret

“Oh yeah Ricardio, he kinda reminded me of you when we first started the company. Just remembered I wrote that... okay bye!”

She flies off, Ricardio looks genuinely touched

Then Malcom bursts through the doors, looking smug

Malcom

“So Ricardio... fess up”

Ricardio

“Ugh...”

THE END