"In My Defence..."

"In My Defence..." is a collection of short stories pertaining to the pranks and jokes of the Fey.

## Description

Originally intended as a record of the mischief of the denizens of the Feywild, "In My Defence..." gained massive popularity amongst certain circles who utilised the texts as a means to prepare and ward the common tricks of the Fey when visiting areas in which they were known to prowl and prance. The name of the book comes from the line commonly uttered by Fey creatures forced into a point of explanation, the reasons for their mischief often nonsensical, if any explanation was offered at all.

## Research

The extent of fey pranks, jokes and japes varies significantly depending on the entity in question. Lesser, more mundane (by Fey standards) creatures may rely on physical means of causing troubles and harassment, whereas those more innately gifted by the lands they call home might weave all manner of arcane trickery into their vexations.

*"In my defence... who doesn't want a chunk of steel that whispers sweet nothings in their ear?"*

Emgrim Redtome didn't know whether to express delight or confusion when his grandfather Umgrim's warhammer started speaking with Umgrin's own voice, offering him advice in all matters from warfare to romance - particularly so considering that Umgrim had been eaten by the green dragon Verkrent fourteen years prior. While very few of the suggestions resulted in much success, Emgrim could be not find it in his heart to have the newfound sentience dispelled, in case it was in fact the spirit of his grandfather trying to make up for past mistakes from beyond the Shrouded Vale. In time however, this resolve faltered, sped along by the warhammer now jumping between scathing insults directed towards everything from his hair to his fighting prowess - and lewd flirtatious remarks pertaining to the same assets.

*"In my defence... I've heard that sleeping in the shade of a Gawylth Rosewood gives such a delightful complexion upon waking."*

A trade caravan passing along the winding roads that arced between the Duchies of Tynd and Atralran reported a growing sense of suspicion each morning when the trees around them appeared to have moved, sometimes arranged in crescents, spirals or other unlikely shapes. Suspecting they were pursued by a vengeful druid or perhaps instead a colony of treants, they called for a Guildmember of the Seventh Lily to investigate with posthaste, lest they be bludgeoned under branch and twig in the dark. Investigations concluded that the trees themselves were not magical, but the means through which they had moved was, its perpetrator watching on each morn disguised as a pigeon.

*"In my defence... would you like it if someone came into your home and stole all your food?"*

Tarzor and Jomo, a pair of halfling fisherfolk living on the banks of Stalrose Gorge, recounted a time that they had spent all day fishing, catching an unusually large number of freshwater crabs, frogs and fish. After an evening of feasting, they retired to their tent, only to be woken in the night be a charmed crocodile that paraded through, ravaged the remainder of the food, then strolled away into the night - but not before dismantling their nets knot-by-knot.

*"In my defence... a stoat bet me that the hairier its toes, the less able a creature is to walk in a straight line."*

This particular prank was experience by a Tulisian expedition party exploring in the jungles of Masnga Niai, specifically the main forest known to most as Mkitos' Garden. Over the course of a week spent searching for new flowers from which dyes could be distilled, they started to complain of muscle tensions in their thighs, of strains abnormal in their knees. It was only following inspection by a priest that it was discovered that all the expedition members had had their feet magically swapped whilst they slept, possessing a new pair - from toe to heel - each and every day.