The Sinta Klaas Massacre

This episode details the battle between the four main characters and Veronica Klass' spider army.

## Summary

The episode begins in combat initiative, as the four main characters go up against Veronica Klaas and her spider army. Ziggy charges into the combat on his horse towards Veronica with the intent to kill her with her own sword. Rattigan goes to grab some butter in order to perform the spell Butterfingers, but then remembers that he has two ferrets in his pockets that he rescued. One of them goes to sit on Rattigan's shoulder while the other grabs the butter for Rattigan and moves to sit on his hand. The ferrets are then revealed to have the ability to read Rattigan's mind and help out on spells. One of the ferrets has sparkling blue eyes and does a nose twitch to become 20% cuter than it was prior before jumping out of Rattigan's pocket. Rattigan then casts Butterfingers towards one of the goblins who fails his dexterity save against it. The goblin then has his bow blast out of his hands. The goblin then retreats back to go grab his bow. Bondo then passed a leadership check as he managed to calm the horses who were spooked by the creatures of chaos. Veronica changes her path to go to intercept Ziggy. Teddy then shoots at one of the rachnoids, causing several points of damage but didn't affect its course much. Ziggy, upon reaching Veronica, can hear the rachnoid that she's riding on complaining about being tired. Ziggy goes for chopping off her other arm that she still has. He goes to chop her arm off, but then Veronica grabs something out of a bag, crushes it, and leaps 30-40 feet into the air. Instead of hitting her, Ziggy ends up hitting the rachnoid who cries out in pain. Veronica's leap is perfectly parabolic, so she lands back in her saddle.

Rattigan kicks off a barrel from the cart with the intention of it going under a nearby rachnoid's feet to cause it to stumble. Unfortunately, the rachnoid is able to dodge it quite easily. Bondo then maneuvers the horses to try to swat a rachnoid against the side of the wall. Again, this move is hardly successful as the horses are confused at what Bondo is trying to get them to do. The horses also begin to freak out due to the proximity of the giant rachnoid. The goblin riding that rachnoid then jumps onto the crossbeam connecting the horses. The rachnoid then goes to attack one of the horses. The goblin that was closer to Rattigan and Teddy also makes a jump for the cart. He is unable to make an attack as he leaps, but still lands in the cart. The rachnoid trying to attack the horses struggles, so it decides to try to get in front of the horses instead. The goblin who retreated briefly at the start also jumps into the cart. Veronica then goes to fire a magic bolt at Bondo. She takes out her staff and begins whipping the air around her while reciting incantations. This causes all of them to suddenly feel like they are staring at a very bright light and have a lemon zesty feeling in their brain, even the ones not looking at her. The goblin standing on the crossbeam is balancing while aiming his spear at Bondo. The goblin misses his attack however.

Teddy pulls out his dagger to attack one of the goblins on the cart. He manages to have land a critical hit, so he hits the goblin on the head with his hilt to stun him before tossing him under the cart to be trampled to death. Upon doing so, he says "No ticket," to Rattigan, which is an Indiana Jones reference. Rattigan does not understand the reference nor does he know what a ticket is. Ziggy tries to turn towards Veronica on his horse but ends up turning a bit longer than he would like. Once he gets Leviticus straightened out, he then starts chasing Veronica again. Leviticus has a turn indicator on him, which Ziggy updates as appropriate while making this maneuver. Rattigan spins around with his magical staff with the intent to "baseball bat" the other goblin on the cart. He also makes lands a critical hit and kills it by bopping it on the head and causing him to pinwheel off and away. The now abandoned rachnoids start climbing up onto the cart themselves. Veronica then casts the giant spell she had been building towards Bondo and the cart. She fires a multicolored globe of a phlegm-like substance at them. Before the glob can hit them, the other ferret climbs to the top of Rattigan's head and digs his paws into the front and the back of his scalp. He then sings a note which causes a blue light to appear as a shield, protecting them from the attack. The glob slides off the sheild without hurting the players, but then falls onto the horses and the goblin on the crossbeam. The horses continue running but are also screaming in agony due to the glob that has fallen on them and deforms them. It is so horrific to look at, that the three of them under the shield take an insanity point as they see something that warps their perception of reality.

Despite the pain, the horses start galloping faster than they were before. Instead of running like horses, they now cause the cart to bounce up and down almost like the motion of a wave. The rachnoids on the cart now rush to attack Rattigan and Teddy. Veronica then rushes parallel to the cart in the opposite direction. Bondo hits the goblin melting on the crossbeam and rips it in two. This goblin was also named Ted. Upon doing this Bondo remarks, "He had to split."

## Quotes

* **Neil:** "These are like the Fast and Furious equivalent of chaos monsters." *-about Veronica's spider army's cool tricks*

* **Neil:** "Every time one of Neil's jokes fails, someone actually loses an arm." *-after a failed attempt to make a joke comparing Veronica Klaas to WoahThereVeronica*

* **Dr. Steve:** "I hate that bitch." *-about Veronica Klaas for injuring Ziggy in the previous episodes*

* **Dr. Steve:** "I feel disappointed and a little bit turned on." *-about Ziggy's emotional state after watching Veronica's cool jump*
* **Neil:** "How would a Vin Diesel goblin sound? How does Vin Diesel actually sound? I've completely blanked on his voice." [prolonged moment of complete silence] "Hello?" [Lads laugh and say they have nothing to add] "Was that image so riveting that you all just like blanked out for a second?"
* **Neil:** "You sorta do a bum shuffle out of the way and just the tip of the pe- ah sorry almost said penis [laughes] tip of the spear! Misses you and goes-" [The lads yell at Neil] "Well geez you guys are doing this to me man! You're putting it in my head!"
* **Neil:** "She's really cool!" -*remarking at how cool he made Veronica Klaas*
* **Neil:** "You've heard it here folks. Regardless of what you've actually heard in movies, Vin Diesel's catchphrase is [growls in a half joking way followed by a self conscious laughter]."
* **Dr. Steve:** "What you don't know is that Leviticus is very proud. I'm going to whisper all the names of all of his sires going back generations who are looking at him down from Horsey Heaven and if he's making a balls up then they're all going to be very cross with him." **Neil:** "I'm not giving you plus ten for that." -*about trying to avoid failing an initiative check*
* **Neil:** "These things are a lot bigger than Goblins. I'm just going to say that out loud." **Pete:** "So they've got tickets, is that what you're saying?" **Neil:** "They've definitely got tickets and then some. They're going to punch your tickets." -*about the rachnoids climbing into the cart, a reference to Teddy's Indiana Jones reference he made when tossing a goblin off*
* **Dr. Steve:** "They're a bit like whales. They're famous for that." [Sounds of the Lads and Neil trying to make whale noises] **Neil:** "[In a manner not unlike that of a whale] Fuck you, Steve." -*about what a singing ferret would sound like*
* **Pete:** "They're astounding into one pegasus that's my thoughts on this one." **Neil:** "Yeah, good luck with that Pete." -*about the horses' mutations due to Veronica's spell*

## Trivia

* This episode was streamed a week after Pete's birthday. During the intro, Jim sang happy birthday to him.

* During the intro, the boys talked about how WoahThereVeronica, Veronica Klaas' namesake, had recreated her own version of the Spidersword on her instagram.

* The intro takes 32 minutes.

* The joke about the horses being war penguins later becomes canon as Neil caves into the lads' pressure about adding them to the campaign.

* Neil claims that the idea for the ferrets originated from being drunk during previous episodes.

* The ferrets were banned from being named Leviticus or anything similar.

* Neil talked about labordoodle dogs being eccentric and bonkers after they got on a tangent about the lads' dogs. This opinion was supported by his interactions with Pete's labordoodle before he moved to Australia.
* There is a surprisingly a lot of discussion about Vin Diesel in this episode due to the Fast and Furious references to the spiders. This then sparks a discussion about Vin Diesel's D&D hobby and how he recruited Judi Dench to play with him while on set for one of their films. Neil then jokes about leaving this group to try to play with Judi Dench.
* When making pharmacist jokes about Bondo, Neil jokes about how there's only going to be one pharmacist in the audience who will get them. Quite ironically, the current most active user on the Discord and creator of the Chaos Crew Youtube channel, Rosethorn96, is in fact a pharmacist.