Richard Branson

Branson in March 2015

**Sir Richard Charles Nicholas Branson** was a key figure in the life of Garamond Smith and his mother, John. Garamond later featured him as a character in Brick Brannigan: The doctor who said no.

## Real world biography

### **With the Elder Gods**

Branson was born in the ancient times as one of the Elder Gods. As an Elder God, he observed the universe and served his primary duty of maintaining order in the Seventh Sector, a violently unstable part of our galaxy where time rats ran amok. He formed a close friendship with his cousin and comrade Nyarlathotep, serving as best man at his wedding to Digby the Funny Cat. It's worth noting, however, that this part of Branson's life is a shameful one, due to his active participation in the misogynistic atmosphere of the Elder God community. (He has since made amends with every woman to ever exist.)

Branson and the other Gods were later involved in the crisis known only as Ouroboros. During its third forwards iteration, he was betrayed by Nyarlathotep and left for dead in the Hollows. He was soon rescued by some of the other Elder Gods, but due to the nature of the realm he was trapped in, Branson's mind had aged 400 trillion years. He gathered an alliance of all beings in the universe (any remaining Elder Gods, the Shadow Tribe, ancient humans, Digby's former people) to fight a war against Nyarlathotep and Digby. After a bloody final battle in which 11/12 of all sentient beings were wiped out (known as the Night of Tears), the couple were both beheaded, with their severed heads cast into the Hollows and their bodies consumed by Digby's mother Morz'annah.

Soon entropy claimed the Elder Gods and they all vanished from the corporeal realm, leaving only human corpses behind. Their souls willingly sealed themselves behind Churchillshire's Jaws, where they stayed for millions of years until the birth of Garamond Smith in 1911. While many Elder Gods chose to punish John Smith for destroying her body via pregnancy, Branson chose to leave to return to the prime universe. He reanimated the body of a human also named Richard Branson, who had died in a motorcycling accident. The incomprehensibly great age of Branson meant his brain soon gave in and reduced to the mental age of a 70-year-old human and has stayed at this level for eternity.

### **Second chance at life**

Branson's new aim in life was to become a successful businessman. On his journey, he met a young Garamond Smith and inspired him by pulling a coin out of the boy's ear and saying "Time is money, and money is of the essence!" This excited the boy, who for some reason took this as meaning "become an author". Branson went on to have several failed ventures, which were foiled by the infinite copies of a spiteful John Smith, but in 1970 he successfully founded the Virgin Group.

Today, Virgin has many subsidiaries with high rates of customer satisfaction, such as Virgin Radio, Virgin Atlantic, Virgin Hotels, Virgin Media, Virgin EMI Records, Virgin Galactic and many more. Richard Branson is one cool dude!

## In Brick Brannigan: The doctor who said no

In the Brannigan franchise, it can be assumed that Branson has a similar origin, being born as an Elder God and later reincarnating in the body of the human Richard Branson in 1911.

A minor subplot in *The doctor who said no* involves Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson selling the royal family to Branson, naming it the 'Boris Family'. We only hear this through Johnson telling boss on the boris-phone.