Satan

**Satan**, also known as **the Devil**, is a demon who rules over Hell and loves making deals with people in exchange for their souls. He appears in *Wellington Paranormal*.

## Biography

Sometime in the 1800's the Devil became known as a dealmaker who can be met at an intersection of roadways. Laszlo Cravensworth attempted to meet with the Devil in order to become a better guitarist, but he was misinformed and ended up in California instead of Mississippi.

Satan resides in Hell but can be summoned to Earth via fax machine (as soon as it was invented the demons got one in Hell). On Christmas Eve in 2019 he was accidentally summoned from his throne when Ian, a dyslexic representative of Tawa Mall, sent out a last-minute request for a mall Santa. Due to the mispelling, Satan accepted the role, terrorising the visiting children in the grotto and refusing to leave, prompting Ian to call the police.

Officers Minogue and O'Leary arrived and challenged Satan's actions. He wanted to claim the mall as his foul citadel and take souls of the damned, making a point to telekinetically grab Ian by the throat. The officers, however, assured him that Tawa would not be a notable realm to rule over. They persuaded him to leave and recommended he update his business card at a nearby printing store. He declines the officers' offer of driving assistance, as he claims he'll just call an Uber to go to Hell. As he left, he mocked the cops by assuring that one of them was destined to go to Hell, but refused to say which one.

Sometime later in 2022, Satan resumed making his Faustian bargains with humans. One man wanted to fly, so Satan made him repel gravity and he resorted to tying a heavy rock to himself to keep from floating off. One man wanted to become a "rock demon", so Satan imbued him with prodigious guitar talent, fawning fans, and a little tail at the expense of being able to stop playing. Kelly, a delivery girl, sold her soul to Satan in exchange for losing 5 "ugly" kilograms, though it meant separating her head from her body while keeping both magically autonomous and alive. Ian, the Tawa Mall representative, asked to become famous in exchange for serving him, which meant he got to be in front of cameras following O'Leary when they crossed paths again. Satan tried to contest his involvement in these, as he claims he's merely the dealmaker while the humans rarely read the fine print in their contracts.

Satan set up a dubstep club called Beezle-Dub, began DJing there, and made everyone who wants to enter sign a lengthy binding contract. He employed Ian and made him the doorkeeper who presents the contracts. O'Leary, in the course of investigating the cases of people who lost their souls, went to Beezle-Dub and challenged the Devil to a game of skill called "Who the Hell". Satan tried to cheat the game, but O'Leary knew he was also bound by the rules of the game, so Satan conceded and released the souls he collected. Ominously he warned that the Abode of the Damned will have its due before disappearing in a cloud of sulphury-smelling smoke, though it turned out he just farted and reiterated his old warning before disappearing for real: that either Minogue or O'Leary are going to hell.

## Appearances

* *Wellington Paranormal*
	+ "Christmas Special"
	+ "Who the Hell"

## References

Robinson, Stefani (writer) & Gorskaya, Yana (director) (May 13, 2020). "On the Run". *What We Do in the Shadows*. Episode 16. FX.
Yates, Paul (writer) & Hewison, Dean (director) (19 December 2019). "Christmas Special". *Wellington Paranormal*. Episode 13. TVNZ 2.