Tennis Racket

**Tennis Racket** is the sixteenth episode of the second series of The Osbournes. It originally aired on the July 15, 2003.

## Summery

Sharon receives a peace offering from one of her folk-singing neighbors, but the neighbors on the other side begin to drive the family crazy by playing tennis at all hours of the day and night. Jack tries playing drums outside, and Ozzy blasts the loudest, most obnoxious music he can find. However, nothing seems to have an effect on the neighbors.

Jack shoots at the court with his paintball gun, leading to a visit from the police. Sharon suspects that the neighbors are responsible when three of the Osbournes' cats disappear, although Ozzy believes that the coyotes seem the more likely culprit. Kelly brings home another cat, but Ozzy isn't very happy about it.

## Memorable Quotes

"*It's good to be fucking blind!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*What's that fucking noise?!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*The fucking neighbours are making all the noise and it's going down.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*These bastards again?!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Let's burn their house down!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*It's like living between John McEnroes's lunatic brother and Peter, Paul and Hitler.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*They couldn't have built that fucking tennis court any closer to the barrier if they tried.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*It's about time we had a family feud around here.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*I wanna buy a new cat, cause mum wants a new Ragdoll.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*Can I ask a favour, Sharon? No more fucking animals!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*I think I'm gonna change my name to Ozzy Dolittle.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Get those fucking bastards with their fucking tennis court. I wish I had something to throw at them.*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Lola, let's go outside and bark, let's pretend to be a dog.*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*You can't go outside without MCENROE MAKING SUCH FUCKING NOISE!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*A bowling alley? Let's make friends with them.*"
— Melinda Varga

"*If I'm the Prince of Darkness, then you should be the Princess of Darkness.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*I'm the fucking Duke of Darkness.*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*Forget it, that woman would be floating at the bottom of my fucking pool.*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Tiggy never came home last night. I think it's the bastards next door.*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*I don't want the coyotes to get the cat!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*We're losing all the cats, where's Gus?*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*I got it working! I'm a fucking genius!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*It's too much of a coincidence that three cats just disappear.*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*It's those bastard, tennis playing, fucking perverts next door that's got 'em!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*It's not coyotes, it's them dressed as fucking coyotes!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*It took him fucking six months to realise that we had two cats instead of one.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*The coyotes have gone back to get their tuxedos out for dinner tonight.*"
— Ozzy upon discovering Mojo

## Trivia

* This episode features the last appearance of Puss, Gus and Tigger as they are the animals that disappear in the episode.
* This episode also features the first official appearance of Sam, the Osbournes' manager.