The Massacre at Mount Lamanai

I was merely a young pup of a reporter during Season 4 of GMAN, and boy was the landscape different back then. Elves dominated the division, with no fewer than SEVEN teams of the overly-preened gits prancing around the place without a care in the world.

The playoffs were also a different ball-game too. With only four divisions (two from GMAN

and two from REL) playoff places were at a premium so the competition was fierce. At least, as fierce as Elves can make it…

Going into the final week of the season, Mount Lamanai Cold Bloods required a single point to confirm their place in the playoffs, with a victory over the High Sails earlier in the season giving them the head-to-head advantage. Coached by REBBL stalwart Kejiruze, the Cold Bloods had a wonderful assortment of players at their disposal - Saurus that could strike fear into the heart of a Chaos Warrior and Skinks that could slip their way through the eye of a needle.

The home crowd arrived for the regular season finale in great spirits, with qualification for the end-of-season festivities looking assured. Kejiruze had spoken to the press in the build-up advising calm from the Mount Lamanai public as the job was not yet done, but it had failed to quell the party atmosphere in the build-up to the game. Standing in their way were the Green Bay Packmasters, a Skaven team who had performed well below their expectations in Season 4.

The star amongst the Skaven ranks was one Julius Cheeser, a Stormvermin with ClawPOMB, Tackle and Pro who had racked up a considerable body count early in his career. This was enough for the Packmasters’ fans to have voted Cheeser as their Player of the Season for every single season of the team’s existence - who knew Skaven democracy was a thing?

Unfortunately for Green Bay, this fame had very much gone to Cheeser’s head and his performances in Season 4 were leaving plenty to be desired. Removal rates plummeted, opposing casualty boxes remained empty and players grew in confidence playing against the previously feared Stormvermin. Coach FullMetalCOS had been publically lambasting his star man in an attempt to coax an improvement, but it had fallen on deaf ears. When the end of season feast rolled around, the Player of the Season votes were cast and for the first time in Packmasters history, Julius Cheeser was overlooked in favour of the fans’ new hero; a Strength 3, Agility 5 Gutter Runner called Ratatouille.

And so, the Packmasters made the long trip to Mount Lamanai with a Stormvermin festered with hatred over his fans’ betrayal. What was to follow was the single most violent response to rejection since Genghis Khan was denied a pony for his eighth birthday.

Julius Cheeser went nuclear.

A Saurus fell early, and fell hard. There was no prognosis needed from the medical staff, it was stone cold dead. The home crowd, previously full of confidence, were suddenly overcome with a nervous demeanor. Sure, their superstar Skinks were getting their job done and scoring touchdowns, but the natural one-turner Cap’n Jack Sparrow 2nd was instantly stepping up and responding in kind.

Suddenly, Cheeser hit a second Saurus with exactly the same result - killed on impact from the Stormvermin’s sharp Claws. Despite being in the lead and only requiring at least a draw, panic was beginning to set in amongst the Cold Blood supporters. They’d been so focused on watching their team develop for the playoff challenge ahead that they hadn’t considered that anything could go wrong against a struggling Skaven team infighting amongst themselves. Coach Kejiruze was stood on the side of the field, as stony-faced as anyone had ever seen him.

Over the half time break, renewed optimism washed around the Mount Lamanai stadium. It was only two Rookie Saurus that had perished, surely they were replaceable? After as rough a half as the Cold Bloods had seen, things could only improve in the second half. Nuffle would surely end their torment now, having had his fun?

The Packmasters struck again.

This time the Dirty Player Linerat, Frank Sinarat, got in on the action. A grotesque foul under the beady eye of the referee produced a third dead Saurus - this time a highly levelled one. Hysteria broke out in the stands - how could this be happening? More lizards perished in the stands as some of the Cold Bloods ultras took out their frustration on their fellow fans. Kejiruze looked on in abject horror; FullMetalCOS, strangely, was chuckling like a maniac as the carnage unfolded in front of him.

   The match ended in an incredible 3-3 draw, meaning the Mount Lamanai had done enough to qualify for the playoffs. Not one fan seemed thrilled by that - they were far more concerned at how they would even field a team! The teams left the field in a hurry as the pandemonium in the stands started to filter down onto the pitch. This reporter had seen enough, and made a swift exit.

There were significant repercussions from The Massacre of Mount Lamanai. The Cold Bloods had qualified for the playoffs, but after the tragedy that unfolded the team withdrew from the competition and a few weeks later, they disbanded entirely. Coach Kejiruze was left to try to find employment elsewhere, while some of the team’s more famous players found their way into the REBBL free agent market. One or two were eventually signed on elsewhere, but their careers were never quite the same - to say they were affected by that fateful day would be an understatement.

What lessons can be learned from this old GMAN tale? The most important is to remember that this is Blood Bowl. Looking any further ahead than your next fixture is an incredibly dangerous game to play, as the Mount Lamanai fans discovered to their own cost. You never quite know what’s waiting around the next corner...

*Rodder*