242: Tones of Loam

## Summary

Will is the first to catch up to Hilula and immobilises her with an *Eldritch Blast*, and Batthwack manages to convince him to spare her life. Mo returns her to the rest of the group, leaving Will and Batthwack alone to talk candidly about Batthwack's liaisons with dark powers, Will's newfound trust in his dragonborn companion allowing him to open up in a way he's never been able to before, and as a result the pair seem to finally resolve some of their conflicts and agree to look out for each other. Meanwhile, Sheemie does his best to settle in the party dynamic, and inadvertently helps Gwen unlock the mystery of the "Ding Dang Dong" box (it unfolds into a boat and back again on command!), before everyone settles down for the night on the riverbank.

## Synopsis

Unwilling to cast *Fly* on anyone, Will instructs Mo to pick up Batthwack, which he does, lifting the mini dragonborn onto his shoulders. However, not being able to see in the dark, their progress isn't any faster. *"Hurry, she get away!"* cries Mo and Will realises there's nothing for it. He casts *Fly* on Mo, who screams *"Weeeeeeee!"* as he and Batthwack ascend into the air, his legs continuing to cycle as though he's still running.

Will holds out a billy club with *Light* cast on it, but Mo still can't really see, so Batthwack, who's still tracking Hilula's axe with his *Locate Object* spell, uses Mo's head to steer him in the right direction. Will flies along behind using his *Cloak of the Bat*.

Eventually they hear a noise in the trees up ahead, the sound of something crashing through the underbrush. Batthwack can tell the axe is pretty much right where the sound is coming from. Will doesn't hesitate and casts *Eldritch Blast* straight towards the sound. Batthwack is dismayed to hear a cry of pain as at least one of the beams connects, but the sound of movement doesn't stop, so Will swoops forward aggressively, apparently intent to kill. Batthwack urges Mo on to try and reach Hilula before Will does.

They can't keep up with Will though, who succeeds in getting there first and Hilula comes into view, struggling through the trees and bushes. He fires another round of *Eldritch Blast*s and three coursing bolts of energy fly through the woods, lighting up the forest, before crashing into Hilula's back. She lets out a scream and falls to the floor.

Mo flies towards her body and Batthwack leaps down, running over to *Lay on Hands* and revive her. She gasps for air and moans in pain as Will lands next to them. *"Great!"* shouts Will sarcastically. *"Why would you do that?!"* Batthwack holds his shield up between Hilula and Will. Will mockingly warns Batthwack not to cast *Eldritch Blast* himself and Batthwack retorts *"At least mine was an accident."* Hilula gets to her hands and knees and begins to crawl away. When Batthwack asks why she's trying to get away, she says she's not safe with them, which seems apparent.

Will is feeling offended that Batthwack is trying to block him, but Batthwack tells him to back off. Mo reminds him that Hilula will betray Raphina and the group if they let her go. He suggests taking all her stuff and leaving her here, but Batthwack says she'll die. Will tries to argue that she's scrappy and good at surviving, like she did in the lizardfolk caves. Batthwack thinks they should just let her go; what's the worst she could do? *"We're not losing more innocent lives"* he says, though Will argues that she's not innocent. He's reminded that Batthwack sees everyone in black and white, in terms of good and evil. Mo suggests *"If you guys leave... she could be just food. I didn't have any of stew."* Will agrees that stuff was weird. Batthwack points out that if they kill her, they're no better than what Hilula's accusing them of. Will says he's comfortable with that; that's who he is. *"She still has a choice to make"* says Batthwack. He's surprised when Will replies *"Fine. If you would like to manage her, I trust you with that."*

Will suggests Mo fly Hilula back to the group, but stresses *"No eating!"* and pays him 10 gold as a reward for catching her. Before Mo leaves, Batthwack stops him. *"Mo listen, let's not turn into the people that she thinks we are."* Mo says *"OK! You're the boss!"* and he flies away. Will turns to Batthwack and asks him *"What kind of person do you think you are? I'm very curious about that."* Batthwack says he doesn't know any more, but as long as he has choices to make, he's not taking Hilula's life.

Meanwhile, back in the other part of the forest, Sheemie is asking the others what job he ought to have in the group. He says he might not have any magic, but he does have a winning smile. Raphina suggests delegating some of their tasks to him, like tea making, so the rest of them can multitask less, but Sheemie says he doesn't know how to make tea. Gwen asks him if he knows anything about symbols, and shows him the locked book. He says *"I can read a bit,"* though he doesn't recognise anything. Sheemie suggests he could steal things for the group, but Gwen immediately admonishes him for such a suggestion. Raphina says that if she were ever to ask him to steal anything, there'd be a very good reason and they'd be returning it later. *"All right, you can you handle the givin' back part. I'll do the takin' and you do the givin'"* he says.

Gwen asks Sheemie if he's good as puzzles, but he says no. She shows him the box that she found in the chest Batthwack stole, along with it's accompanying note reading *"Ding Dang Dong"*. Taking a closer look at the note, he says *"Um, what does this say?"* and points at the first word. Gwen pauses awkwardly; perhaps Sheemie doesn't read so well after all. She replies *"Ding"* and immediately the box begins trembling in Sheemie's hands. He drops it in shock and the box starts to unfold, and unfold some more and keeps unfolding, until eventually it has formed a 10-foot boat, 4-feet wide and 2-feet deep, complete with oars, an anchor and a sail. The group stand around in shock and Sheemie jumps for joy. *"I solved the puzzle you guys!"* Raphina asks if anyone else had said "Ding" last time, and Gwen says she did. *"Yeah, I said 'Ding Dang Dong' last time"* and with that the boat suddenly folds back up into a box again. Gwen grabs it and puts it back in her pocket. Sheemie's very proud of himself. Raphina wonders about the possibility of accidently saying "ding", but decides better of testing it out.

At that moment, Mo glides down out of the darkness, landing tentatively on the ground. He's holding Hilula very tightly. Raphina excitedly quizzes her about meeting Moondreamer, but Hilula coldly refuses to speak to her. *"Oh, you're mad at me still, because you think I'm a serial killer"* says Raphina and Hilula explains that it's all adding up now that they've tried to kill her. Raphina and Gwen deny having done anything of the sort, and Gwen apologises if she scared her with her unicorn. Sheemie tries to interrogate her, but Hilula just ignores him. Mo explains the plan, i.e. don't eat Hilula. He suggests waiting by the fire for Will and Batthwack to get back. They explain to him about the boat they now have in addition to the lizards and Sheemie reminds them that he's now the puzzle master of the group. He refuses a sticky brick from Gwen's pouch, and Raphina gives him some tea instead, which he seems to enjoy.

Over in the other part of the forest, Will and Batthwack are alone in the dark, in the middle of the woods, though Batthwack can see what he's doing thanks to his *Robe of Eyes*. He takes out a torch, lights it and hands it to Will. Will tells Batthwack that he has some insight into some of the decisions Batthwack's made lately. He points out that for someone so righteous, they've been unusual. *"You sure do seem to be making some deals with some not-so-savoury entities"* he says. He refers to the weird things that happened to all of them in the woods, and particularly Batthwack getting a crown stuck on his head. Batthwack begins skirting around it, so Will cuts to the chase, *"Have you made a deal with The Kingmaker?"* Batthwack admits that he spoke to him, but denies that any deal was made. Will isn't convinced because Batthwack has new abilities like *Eldritch Blast*, but Batthwack insists that he didn't agree to anything.

Will explains that these types of deals don't necessarily work like that and mentions how the Swirly Man got him in a bad deal. *"I didn't go and write a contract with him and sign it. I didn't have a discussion. I didn't have negotiations."* Will suggests Batthwack's situation is similar to that. *"Weird shit's happening to you. You are suddenly making deals with swirling orbs that we find randomly in the woods."* Batthwack contemplates the way the voice in the orb spoke to him. *"It said 'Do you want a gift'?"* he explains. Will points out that that's exactly how the dark powers in the Amber Temple spoke. Will admits he's been in denial, but there's no use denying it any more. *"The dark powers, they're here"* he says. He suggests they add another line to their contract that states Batthwack isn't allowed to make any more deals with dark powers.

*"I don't know if I'll be strong enough to to go where I need to go without..."* Batthwack trails off, before continuing. *"I had so much hope when I spoke with The Kingmaker in the Temple. I thought I could finally go back. And It's a hard thing to turn down."* Will warns against taking this road. *"I was so lucky to be with you guys. Somehow we beat those things out of me and I don't have them anymore, but now you have them in you. This is bad news, Batthwack. You have dark powers in you."* Batthwack argues that The Kingmaker is different; he doesn't ask anything of him in return. Will points out that Batthwack killed someone by accident and it must be related because he never would have done that of his own accord.

Will stops himself mid-flow. *"So, I made a mistake. I made a mistake in not... I think this is somewhat my fault."* He goes on to apologise for being an unreliable member of the group and sending the letter to Curtis. *"I will try to fix that situation."* Will explains that he understands how Batthwack feels about Gully's End, because that's how he feels about Tivoli. Batthwack wants to know if he can trust Will to not meddle with Gully's End, but Will points out that Batthwack is the untrustworthy one who is *"wrapped up in dark power shit."* Batthwack insists again that no deal was made, but Will points out that if he accepted a gift, there's something attached to it and that forms an unspoken deal. Their crown's show that they're both involved in this.

Batthwack says *"I feel like my decisions are mine,"* but has to admit that his magic is somewhat out of his control. Will tells Batthwack not to worry about killing Selenia, because she was bad person. As far as Will is concerned, Batthwack is still in the clear. He says that Batthwack should feel worse about the fact that he nearly killed Nat. Will goes on to say that all he really needs Batthwack to do is just stop talking to dark powers. *"If you need to talk to a dark power go through me"* he suggests. Batthwack points out that Will has a crown too, so who's he been talking to? Will promises that he hasn't talked to The Kingmaker. He says his magic is still a mystery to him, but feels different to before, not as negative. He tries to show how he's trying to offer up a lot of information in return for Batthwack's promise to not talk to any more dark powers, and even suggests he'll summon Curtis and make sure nothing happens in Gully's End.

Batthwack says they have a problem, in that they don't even know who the dark powers are. Will points out that they'd never heard of these animal gods until recently. They both agree that a lot of things are changing as Will takes in Batthwack's height and hair. *"For real, Batthwack, like seriously, I am sorry. That's right! Sorry! ... that I sent the letter in the first place. I was not a good guy when I did that. And I am sorry, because you have done some good stuff for me. And I should trust you more and I do trust you. I don't know why."*

Will realises he can't fly any more and comes down to walk beside Batthwack. Batthwack extends a hand towards Will. He says he thinks he can agree to not accept any more gifts, but the gods seem powerful and maybe he won't be able to get Will if he needs him. Will offers to stick around Batthwack, and be like his bodyguard for a change. He points out that now Batthwack is so short, he's not such an effective deterrent any more. Will says that this isn't a deal they're making, he just needs Batthwack to stop making bad decisions where gods are concerned. *"I have made a lot of bad decisions in my life. Some of them have shaped every thing in my life. They're very bad decisions. You're a really good guy and you shouldn't be doing this. I think it's going to spell trouble for everyone. Not just yourself, me included, but also, you're my friend. I trust you."* The last few words come out a little awkwardly. After a pause, Will shakes Batthwack's hand.

They reach the edge of the forest and walk out onto the beach where the others are waiting. Sheemie is excited to see them. Mo is still holding Hilula and Gwen asks if this is really necessary, but Will replies rhetorically *"I don't know. Is um, protecting ourselves necessary?"* Batthwack asks if she let Hilula go, which Gwen denies and says she just doesn't like holding anyone prisoner. Batthwack agrees with that. Gwen decides she wants to keep Hilula here for her own safety. Raphina suggests they take a rest and Sheemie agrees. *"So we rest here and wake up bright early in the morning and head on down river to solve a mystery together!"*

This reminds Gwen about Sheemie's success with the box. *"Oh, you guys, I'd like you to meet the new puzzle master."* she says to Will and Batthwack. Gwen demonstrates the unfolding boat again for everyone and Will is very impressed. *"I don't have to be wet anymore!"* He pleads to be allowed to ride in the boat. Gwen points out that someone will have to row, but Will's confused, saying that he expected the boat to just drift down the river. *"Isn't that how boats work?!"* Anyway, he says he'll row, that's how much it would mean to him to go in the boat instead of on a lizard.

Gwen asks Will what happened in the woods, but he's more interested in why Gwen took Hilula into the woods in the first place, only to let her run away. Gwen explains that she wanted insight from Moondreamer, but Will wonders why they're the authority on anything, especially given that it seems Gwen has been visited by an imposter posing as Moondreamer on at least one occasion. Gwen tries her best to reassure them, and herself, that this was the genuine unicorn.

Batthwack wants to offer Hilula some food. He has some leftover fish, but Hilula is still being held by Mo, her arms tightly gripped behind her back. Batthwack tells him to release one of her arms, and he does, but she stoically ignores the food. He sits down cross-legged next to her and leaves the food out in front of her, eating a small piece to check it's still good.

Sheemie reiterates the plan: rest here and in the morning, take the boat and the lizards downriver. Gwen says that no-one is taking the boat unless they stop holding Hilula, but Will refuses, saying that Hilula will flee at the first opportunity. He doesn't understand why she won't share the boat, pointing out that Sheemie solved it's puzzle and Batthwack stole it in the first place. Gwen says *"Will, come get it from me."* Will says he's not going to fight her, but Gwen says she didn't necessarily mean to fight her, leading Will to wonder if he could steal it from her.

Sheemie begins busying himself around the campfire before eventually settling down to rest. The rest of the group follow suit and the night passes uneventfully. The sun starts to lighten the horizon in the east, eventually cresting the top of the trees and the group all feel their energy rush back into them. **A new day!** The smell of whipped vanilla spice wafts through the air as Gwen's spell grants them all a little extra life force.

## Trivia

* The episode title is a quote from Abby/Raphina. After Sheemie refuses a sticky brick from Gwen's pouch, Raphina offers some tea instead. *"I'll give you some twig tea then. Glug glug glug."* Eric: *"Do you say that? Do you drink it all? Oh, you're pouring it. Just right into his mouth?"* Will/KT: *"This is initiation, kid!"* Eric: *"You hold his head back."* Sheemie/Eric: *"Oh, that's great. Oh, it's so good."* Gwen/Denise: *"It tastes... It's a little earthy"* Raphina/Abby: *"Tones of loam."*
* This week's episode description describes the Pork Fried Dice wiki as: esteemed.

## References

1. ↑ See episode 183: Rank the Taste of These Meats
2. ↑ See episode 228: It's Been Four Years - Why Haven't You Stopped Me? The chest and its contents of course were stolen from Sheemie's parents' shop!
3. ↑ Will is presumably referring to his having read Batthwack's mind after he consulted with Toeval the Fortunate. See episode 233: Leave It To Three Loaf Cleaver
4. ↑ See episode 187: We Have a Lot To Discover About Raphina's Digestive System
5. ↑ Denise awards the guys some temporary hit points!