The Crack’d and Crook’d Manse 06: ‘Cold Callers’

*“In which our investigators fall foul of doors, and the corporeal things that dwell beyond them, be they animal, vegetable, or mineral.”*

## Cold Callers

### Players

Joseph Chance as Rose Damien
Danann McAleer as Sebastian Palmer
Dan Wheeler as Dr. Bergmann

### Podcast Link

The Crack’d and Crook’d Manse 06

One investigator comes to the rescue of another as the episode begins, and Sebastian finds himself in a tight spot. A second surprise figure comes to the kitchen door, and Dr. Bergmann confronts them. The threat becomes more real over the course of the episode, and the three investigators become true believers.

## Synopsis (Spoiler Warning)

### Intro

This episode opens with Arthur Cornthwaite writing a letter “in the event of [his death],” explaining how he found the monster in the jungles of South America, that it somehow followed him back home, and that it has one major, simple weakness — but he forgot to plug up the chimney, spelling his doom. “Previously on” includes just a few selected clips from prior episodes to get the story caught up.

### Scene 1: After the Fall

Rose, having heard Sebastian’s fall and gone to check on him, runs back to Dr. Bergmann. The doctor has gotten through most of the book (*The Missing People: The Tribe the Jungle Swallowed*) which concerns an ancient South American tribe with a mysterious fall; it contains stories, myths, and accounts of ruins and various artifacts that the author attributes to this tribe. An apparent religious fervor may have been their downfall, and the author believes that a “Great Dome” still exists, the final resting place of their secrets. Cornthwaite seems to have used this book as a prime source of research.

Dr. Bergmann springs into action as soon as he understands Rose’s urgency. Dr. Bergmann suggests going through the back entrance instead of trying to climb down, and Rose agrees; dashing back to the room, she finds his body moved — he is now on the floor, facing the door, instead of where he fell through. Sebastian wakes up to find himself being probed by something wet and warm, which appears to be trying to find a way in to his face, thankfully without success. Rose, panicking, decides to jump across the hole in a display of heroics, making it to the curtains so she can construct a makeshift rope. Meanwhile, Dr. Bergmann tries to find an alternate route to the cellar through the dining room and kitchen while Sebastian tries to get away from the probing tendrils. There is a knock at the back door and a rumble of thunder.

### Scene 2: Another Visitor

Dr. Bergmann hears the knock and sees the doorknob starting to turn, and he points his Luger in that direction. The door flies open suddenly, revealing a figure in a long coat and axe. Dr. Bergmann fires off three shots, hitting a young man. Meanwhile, the pseudopods continue their attempts to grab at Sebastian. He is sure it’s some sort of exotic plant, even if it does have a little mouth, and he’s able to fight it off.

> I ain’t getting eaten by a fucking plant. That’s embarrassing. Imagine the obituary: ‘Eaten by a fucking plant.’
>
> Sebastian Palmer

Sebastian desperately searches for ways to get himself out of this situation, and reaches into Dr. Bergmann’s bag for help, finding something energizing. Rose throws down her makeshift rope, then cuts the hem of her skirt to more easily climb down. At the back door, Dr. Bergmann questions the young man, a newspaper boy, while simultaneously trying to help him with his wounds. Dan’s dice rolls continue to be terrible, and he fails at both his initial First Aid and the pushed roll, but somehow manages not to kill Joe.

> I’m confident in my abilities; I’m not a medical doctor, but I do have some medical experience, mainly in prescribing rather than surgery. I’m not particularly good with operations. To be honest, I’m slightly alarmed by the sight of blood.
>
> Dr. Johannes Bergmann

Leaving him with the offer of a ham sandwich and a cigarette, Dr. Bergmann attempts to open the door to what he believes to be the cellar, but it’s stuck even after shooting off the lock. Rose meets up with Sebastian on the coal pile to save him in a reversal of the typical male/female roles, as she notes.

### Scene 3: Escape Attempt

After some difficulty, Rose and Sebastian attempt to make the climb up when the pseudopods start to catch up with them, little mouths and all. Sebastian hands the letter opener to Rose and pulls out his steak knife. A lucky slash has Sebastian avoiding the attack and getting a bit of damage in himself.

> This is the ghost. This is the goddamn motherfucking ghost.
>
> Rose Damien

Sebastian gets the impression that the pseudopods are extensions of a much larger entity, and that the slime encountered elsewhere is the trail it has left along its path. Rose considers the incorporeal and the corporeal, sending her mind back to her days with the Church of the Stars Prismatic as she swings her cane and sends it slinking back, injured. They are finally able to climb out. Dr. Bergmann grabs the axe and hacks at the cellar door. Behind the splinters, he sees eyes staring back at him - the eyes and head of a horse, slowly dissolving in a mass of jelly, with other eyes forming and disappearing on the surface of the mass, and it retreats from him. It is a terrible, sanity-losing sight. Rose and Sebastian come in and see the paper boy with his horrible wound and come to his aid (and Sebastian comes to his own aid, splinting his leg with Rose’s cane and taking away her best weapon in the process). A low rumbling comes from the front room while Dr. Bergmann plots ways to start a fire. Rather than finding useful fuel, he finds a line of coke — no, a line of salt, just inside the door to the cellar. Sebastian grabs the paper boy and tries to run out of the house, especially hearing Dr. Bergmann’s plan to burn the house down.

> There is a demon in this house, and we must cast it out. But it cannot be at the cost of our good souls.
>
> Rose Damien

Grasping at her necklace, Rose aids Sebastian in trying to get the paper boy out of the house. Dr. Bergmann follows, and the three of them intend to make their way back to the front of the house. A strange, wet, large noise catches their attention just prior to the front door exploding as Sebastian’s car crashes through it.

## Important NPCs

* Thomas Pratt (unknown)
* Joe Varelli (living)

## Places

* Fitzgerald Manse (cellar & junk room)
* Fitzgerald Manse (kitchen)

## Quotes

DOM: ”Something is pressing against your lips and nose.”
DANANN: “In a good way, or…?”

DANANN: ”I’m not really in the mood for [mescaline] unless things go really pear-shaped.”

JOE (DOM): ”It hurts so much! I’m losing a lot of blood!”
DR. BERGMANN (DAN): “I’m sure it does. It’s an excellent weapon. It’s German manufactured and made; it’s finest— used by German officers and will be for many years from now.”
JOE: “Am I gonna die?”
DR. BERGMANN: “Possibly, possibly, but not if I can help it.”

DR. BERGMANN (DAN): (*to an injured Joe*) ”Can I offer you a ham sandwich?”

JOSEPH: ”As Joseph, I’m just gonna—as Joseph? I am Joseph.”

## Trivia

* Joseph remarks that the monster here reminds him of a Lovecraft story, dropping the name *The Burrowers Beneath*, which is a Titus Crow novel by Brian Lumley, but he could be thinking of the H.P. Lovecraft short story “The Lurking Fear.”
* The SAN loss for seeing the monster is 3 on a *successful* roll.