Questions and Answers

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Loa stood at the edge of their high school grounds. Looking upon the tall buildings of memories, the woman found herself looking back upon those times with both glee and sorrow. She missed those days. Simpler times. The love between Loa and Luka having grown over many years in this place. First as acquaintances, then as friends. And finally as lovers. It was a memory to be savored. A memory she relished. A memory now haunting her. Ever since Luka's kiss had she felt hesitant in her heart. It beat faster than before. Even now at the prospect of meeting her again did she feel the anxious thrill in her chest.

Luka was back. But with her being back, it changed so much in her mind and soul. Her heart raced with all manner of emotions. She was happy to have her back. Loved to see her smile before her again. Not a fevered or longing dream, but truly in front of herself in all its beauty. And she felt like scum for feeling the way she did. She had a loyalty towards someone else now. She cared for him. Loved him. So to feel these things for her old flame made her feel like the most vile form of filth. She had always detested those types of people. The ones who betray the ones they hold dear in such a horrible manner. But she could not help what she felt right now.

She wanted to bury these feelings. Dig them down low and try not to think of it again. The guilt ate at her soul as she looked over their school grounds. As she pondered all of this, she heard the sounds of someone approaching. On this weekend, with the school closed for now, she knew right away who it was. She steeled her nerves and turned around with a bright smile to greet the new arrival.

As Loa turned around, the smile on the woman's face seemed radiant in the eyes of Luka who smiled back to her in return. Their first meeting had been awkward but fun all the same. This time she would do her best to leave out the former, the knowledge that Loa did not hold any grudge, did not resent her, it put her at ease even if she couldn't fully understand why it was that she was able to do so. Perhaps it was just one of the wonders of Loa she would never fully understand but could still appreciate all the same. "Loa!" She greeted her friend warmly though her face hadn't yet caught up with the cheery demeanor she tried to wear. All the same, she knew the woman would understand that she was happy to see her all the same.

Moving to her side, Luka gently brushed shoulders with her beloved. Almost instantly did her heart beat just a few beats faster, finding the soft touch comforting, proof that she really was there. "Our old high school, huh?" She asked the rhetorical question, holding her hands behind her back as though standing at attention. "Boring classes, boring people, terrible teachers, and lame tests." The raven haired woman let out a quiet sigh before her smile reappeared on her face again. "And yet they were some of the most fun times in our lives huh?"

"Yes... Yes it was." She said, wrapping an arm around her shoulder for a side hug. It felt nice to have her close like this again. Almost too nice. Made her question her own moral fibre. "Some of the best years of my life in fact. You made it that way." She said with a squeeze before letting go and proceeding to walk towards the courtyard. Just setting foot on these old grounds brought about a swath of memories. Walking around for a bit, she came to lay her eyes upon the baseball field. She smiled at a memory that came upon her. Pointing towards the area, she spoke up. "Here... Remember that big important game that you almost cost us?" She joked. "The big finisher for our year? The last one? I remember you pointing your bat right at me, all but promising that homerun for me. I was such a kid. Blushing like tomato, catching the eye of more than one disappointed guy. Sadly, your hits didn't quite strike home, now did they? You got chewed out so hard." She giggled, leaning over the railing. "Though ultimately I think they were just a bit peeved that I had suddenly become taken by someone else. A girl of all people too. I think you crushed many of their hopes and dreams that day without even swinging. Luckily my hugs and kisses were there to cheer you up." She said with a wink.

Luka laughed, "Yeah. I do remember that. I missed because I was so nervous, I dedicated that home run to you and was so focused on hitting it I somehow managed to get distracted by it all. Coach didn't know what got into me, and the others were pissed. Some of the parents boo'd me too. But you're right, those hugs and kisses afterward really did cheer me up. Especially with you in that cheerleading outfit." Luka brought her hand over her own chest and took in a deep breath. "I really, really loved that outfit..." She all but pouted, having gone so long without seeing her in it.

Looking back over to Luka she smiled warmly, "Your kisses were always the best but what really made that night special was hanging out after everyone was gone. Just lying down on the grass and starring up at the stars. I thought we'd stay out there all night, I really did. Until our parents called and got mad at us for staying out so late." She chuckled, looking at the bleachers, the field, and the spot where Loa and the others would cheer them on from. "And to hell with those boys anyway. All they cared about was what they saw with their eyes, they never bothered getting to know you. Half of the were the ones who teased you when we were little kids anyway. If I hadn't been so bummed about striking out I might've and should've kissed you right in front of them. That'da showed those bastards." She ranted a bit before letting out a huff to calm herself. Reaching over to take Loa's hand into her own, bringing it up to her cheek and nuzzling gently against it. "All that time and even now, you've always been my inspiration, Loa. Even if sometimes it's hard to tell, and even if sometime I say things I don't mean. I know that you know that you've always been the one closest to my heart in everything I've done in my life."

Loa blushed fiercely, just like back in her old school days whenever Luka felt inclined to flirt openly. The nuzzling of her hand made her feel the fluttering in her chest, and a part of her hated it. Not that she was gonna vocalize that. Not yet. Clearing her throat with a giggle she continued. "I know... I know Luka. It is... Quite clear in fact. And I hope you know that there is nothing that can be done that would remove you from my heart either. Even when you left, I did nothing less but love you." She said, blush glowing brighter. "Liked the cheerleader 'fit that much, huh? I wonder how much you liked it. Considering you banged me in a Limo, is it right to assume you would have liked to see that outfit in a more 'private session'?" She teased the woman. "I'm glad I could inspire you. Many times in my youth did I feel as if I was alone on that. You were my greatest encouragement. I though that it was rather one sided in that... And if you really wanted to have made them reel, then you should probably have groped my butt as well. As you said, sex appeal was basically the sole reason they cared." She joked with a cheeky grin. She wasn't quite sure why she felt so comfortable speaking like this. Maybe it was because she had really grown that much and felt at ease with it. Or maybe her confidence surpassed her worries. Or maybe it was just because of Luka. "I think you would have been brave and cocky enough to pull such a stunt."

The raven-haired woman seemed surprised at first by Loa's boldness and yet as she finished Luka could help but let out quite the laugh. It was a hardy laugh, one straight from the gut and for the woman who'd spent so long being stern and quiet it was a welcome feeling. "You're quite right, I'd have thrown myself head over heels to get you alone in that outfit and you could bet those boys would have been shaking in jealousy if I'd done something like that. But let's face it, Love. If I'd had the guts to do something like that in front of everyone you'd have been mortified." Luka still chuckled, wiping a tear from her eye. "But here you are talking so openly about it in front of the school. I know we've already established that you've changed quite a lot, Loa. But even I never expected you to go saying some of these things."

"It isn't bad either, don't get my words all twisted. You're still you, Loa. You're just the you I always knew you could be. It was hidden behind that shy smile of yours back then but you always let it slip out every now and again when we were alone. A controversial opinion on something, an odd question you'd never ask anyone else, a sudden burst of assertiveness when I teased a bit too much. The mask is off now and the woman I fell in love with is there for all the world to see." Luka said, moving forward and bending down to pick up what appeared to be a lost baseball from the field. She looked down upon it with nostalgia in her yes before turning back to Loa and playfully tossing it to her underhanded. "You're even more beautiful now than the day I fell in love with you." A portal opening just before Loa could catch the ball, another opening just above Luka's hand and dropping the object into it. With a smile she returned Loa's earlier wink.

Loa looked playfully indignant when Luka denied her the chance to catch the ball. "Cheeky as always. 'A' controversial opinion? I believe I made a whole online 'show' with a goblin called Gobbo that would belt out my frustrations and sometimes personal gripes in society. To my memory, you were also the only one who knew that it was a thing. Or rather that I was the one who made it. You were also the one who encouraged me to keep going past episode one." She then gave her a bit of a playful look as she put on of her arms beneath her chest and used the arm as leverage to elevate her chest, making them appear even larger than usually with the other's hand tapping her chin. "More beautiful? Well, I suppose I have matured a bit since then. I have grown quite a bit as a person." She spoke, knowing well that she was just teasing the woman by this point, and she didn't fully know why. It felt right. But also wrong at the same time.

Luka cocked a brow as she noticed Loa's purposeful teasing, "Right. As a person indeed. Though I suppose I'd be remiss to not mention the other ways you've matured. Whatever sort of training that they have you crusaders doing, it's been heaven on your figure. Would think they'd turn you all into musclebound fighting machines with what you all have to face out there and yet here you are with body of a fashion model." She complimented Loa, moving closer to the woman, playfully stroking the underside of the woman's chin. "At least, from what I can see of it right now that is. If luck favors the dumb as they say perhaps I might get a chance to 'further inspect' it some time in the near future. Until then, I think I can settle for a quick once over or two." She teased right back at Loa. Everything about this felt right to her, talking with Loa like this, making advances, playing with her. Even though there were clear differences it felt like old times again and she reveled in that feeling.

"And what can I say? Sure, that little show of yours was crude and offensive but seeing you so passionate about something? Getting to see you open up about things and speak your mind? I had to push you to keep going. Speaking of, I don't suppose you still play around with that do you? I mean, I know you slowed down a bit after we graduated, and a little more so while we were getting all our ducks in a row. But now that you're pretty set did you ever go back to it?"

"I... Well, I don't have the time to do it as much as a routine as I used to, and it has suffered in the numbers due to the inconsistent upload schedule, but it is going well enough. I am not able to live off of the wages, but that is what the Crusading and Zoo is or." She said with a little chuckle, blushing and trying to recompose herself when she stroked her chin and insinuated a more thorough and intimate inspection. It was... "And, well... I was always blessed with those good and shapely feminine features. The Crusader training only helped me to keep it that way. I... Might have eaten one too many ice creams after you left, so I am very grateful to the crusaders for whipping me into shape again."

Loa felt happy and saddened. Proud and shameful. It all felt right but also wrong. She needed to dissuade such continued behavior. She was after all... She then noticed a spot that was all too familiar to her. She chuckled softly as she saw a particular board where kids had been permitted to paint and draw however they felt like. It got stripped of paint every once in a while just to leave space for the next project. A memory came upon her, both terrible and happy. She pointed at it, stained with random imagery without vision or purpose. "I remember when I got my first bully session right here. Considering how weird a kid I used to be, I am surprised it took until thirteen to get abused. I remember you being late to the recess because you had fallen behind on the grades a bit and the teachers wanted you to catch up a bit. When you saw it, you didn't hesitate or think about it. You just ran in and delivered one heck of a punch to one of their chins. When they turned on you and started to retaliate... I think that might have been my first bit of courage I showed. And my first getting into trouble at a school. Remember how I freaked them out when I grew a pike head and bit one of their hands as they were about to punch you? Mother was concerned, the principal was enraged, and dad... Well, dad was dad and he just smirked on the whole ride back home."

"Heh, might have been the first time I'd punched someone for you but it was far from the first time I'd gotten in trouble for fighting. I'd get out of it by not being the one to swing first but that day... Well, I was. So my parents were quite angry about the whole ordeal until they spoke with yours and found out about what happened. I know, I know, violence is never the answer and so on but I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy that little throw down. It's crazy... I don't even remember their names. Busted lips and bloody noses aside, the only thing I can really remember feeling was that I had to protect you." Luka looked down at her own hands, her knuckles were calloused and hard from all fighting both new and old.

"Not out of pity or because I thought you were weak... I just, before I even knew what all that stuff meant I felt like... I don't know, like I wanted to be someone to you. I wanted to see you smile and... they were in the way of that." Luka stepped forward, placing her hand onto the board, running it down the painted surface. "I guess in the end I did get my wish. I took a few years and some feelings I had to sort out but I did achieve what little Luka set out to do even if she hadn't fully understood it at the time. I wonder what she'd think of me now, the past me. Do you think she would be angry at me? For having it all like I did and just... leaving?"

Loa began with chuckling at her story and feeling touched of how her reasoning went along. She then felt a pang of sympathy in her heart as the woman looked down at her hands, seeing the nature of what they had become from years after years of conflict. Loa couldn't help it, she had to do something. She reached her hands out and picked Luka's and held it between her two own. She smiled at the woman before her, holding tightly onto her hand like that, wanting to show her comfort. To show her that she did not have to burden herself with that. At the very least, she didn't need to do it alone.

"You can drive yourself crazy thinking like that. I know I almost did. So many thoughts. So many concepts of what I might have done wrong or what I could have done better to make you stay. What was the secret ingredient to have kept you from leaving?" She thought out loud for Luka. "I don't think you will make yourself happier thinking about that. She might've been. She might have been furious. But that doesn't matter." Said Loa as she moved to stand in front of Luka, smiling for comfort. "Because Luka is here again. We are not the same as when we parted, but we are still us. No matter what, I couldn't be happier to have you back in my life Luka." She said, taking away a hand from Luka's and reached inside her top, digging out the chain and crest from their childhood. "Best friends forever. We promised that a long time ago when we commissioned these. I am still holding onto that, Luka."

Luka smiled warmly as she looked at the crest, the silly little things that were obviously the handiwork of a child, things that meant so much to her and to Loa. Reaching down she did the same, pulling it from below her neckline and showing it to Loa with a bit of an embarrassed blush to her cheeks that they'd held onto something like this for so long. They'd done, made, and bought far more luxurious things for one another in the past and yet when it came down to it, it was these handmade necklaces that stood the test of time. "So am I. I never even thought of letting it go. I know that leaving was a sick and twisted thing that I did but in a sick and twisted way I really thought it was the only way to protect you. I don't have to worry about that anymore though, clearly." Luka said, letting the necklace dangle where it hanged before reaching to brush Loa's hair behind her ear. "You didn't do anything wrong, Loa. I was and in a way I'm still in a dark place, but even if my life is a mess I still want to share it with you. I want you to want to share it too. I love you, Loa." She confessed before she offered Loa a kiss. Not on the cheek as she'd done in the diner, her lips were puckered in hopes that Loa would accept her offer and that they would share the first kiss they'd shared in years together on the same grounds they'd fallen in love, given themselves to one another, and returned to after everything they'd been through.

Loa blushed a bit when she brushed some hair behind her ear, a sweet gesture she remember since long ago. Even before they became a couple. Tended to do so whenever she was in a solemn mood, Luka encouraging her with words of comfort that she needed to show her pretty face. As Luka leaned in and puckered her lips towards her, Loa felt an urge. She... She wanted to. But she couldn't. She had moved on... Yes, that's it! She had moved on. She was with a wonderful boyfriend who had helped to guide her and then taken care of her during her hardest times. Even years after Luka's departure did she feel its sting every once in a while. And he had been there for her. Lucius... It wasn't right. It wouldn't be fair to him or Luka to reciprocate a kiss now of all times. It wasn't right. She could not do it.

"I-," She trailed off. She could most certainly not do it... So why the hell was she leaning in! It was unbelievable, unfathomable! Had she really stooped this low? Lost so much of her moral code? How and when. Half closed eyelids as she leaned forward further, clearly uncertain, but for what reason was the guess of any bystander really. After a few agonizing seconds did Loa fulfil the unintended mission, and she pressed her lips against her former lover. She pressed them chastely at first, only to tenatively raise a hand to her shoulder and pressing against her a bit more firmly. Not overly so, but certainly more than a peck. And just like that did her heart flutter anew. And she felt disgusting.

As she felt Loa's lips brush against her own, seeing her beloved's eyes closed she followed suit and as she did so and their lips pressed together all the more firmly than a moment ago she felt as though fireworks were going off around her. The warm of the once long lost familiar lips of Loa against her own was like lightning up her spine, filling her brain with all the most wonderful memories they'd shared together as though her life were flashing before her eyes and only now in feeling this did she realize that her life had began the moment she met Loa, and the time between her departure and now had been nothing more than a limbo in which she'd floated through as Loa's kiss brought light back into her life. Luka wrapped her arms around Loa, her beloved, and pressed the kiss just a bit more. She wouldn't go so far as to start a makeout session as their first kiss in nearly four years now but she didn't want to break it just yet, as though worried that doing so would mean going back to that dark place she'd been in since saying goodbye.

However, as it would turn out, her bodily needs were far stronger than her fear of loss and so as her face began to turn blue from lack of air she broke the kiss and took in several deep breaths before she began to laugh before she rubbed her cheek against Loa's forehead and planted little pecks there as she switched sides. "It's like you jump started my heart all over again." She giggled like a school girl before moving back and placing her hands on Loa's shoulders. "And your lips still taste like candy, the little hard ones we used to buy from vending machine on the way home from school when we had left over money from lunch. So sweet... just like you." Luka spoke with some much love and passion in every word, her eyes reflected Loa's own face back to her, and though she did not know what Loa could see in that reflection, to Luka, she was staring at her entire world.

Loa heard her words, and in a way she wish she hadn't. It would have been one thing if it was a bit more callous. It would have been a different tale if Luka had dived right in for a passionate kiss. It would give her some manner of excuse that there might not have been passion in it. But that wasn't the case. Her heart fluttered, her cheeks were flushed and a certain pain in her chest made it abundantly clear that there was something there. Something she felt. And... "Luka... I'm... I'm sorry, I- I did-" She trailed off, stuttering all the while, hints of tears shaping in her eyes as there was a sudden sound coming from her purse. A ringtone.

"Pardon me for just a second." Loa requested, feeling relieved that there was some respite from her feelings. ANd of course, who else could it have been who wanted to talk to her... Answering the call, she began to talk to the voice on the other end. "Hello! Yes. Yes, me and Luka are still out. Currently at our old school grounds. Yes, I was in fact just about to ask her... Yes, thank you, I'll be sure to be over in just a bit. Thank you. Yes... And you. See you soon..." She said as she hung up. Turning around, she did not realize just how many paniced tears had begun to fall. "So... Sorry about that, Luka. I... I shouldn't have done that. It was wrong of me, and I should have known better... I realize that you may hate... hate me. But... I..." She turned around, not able to look at Luka as her tears began to fall in earnest. "I'm sorry, Luka. I am horrible. I'm just horrible."

Luka didn't understand what she was talking about, why she was so upset. It didn't make any sense to her, why the tone of Loa's voice sounded so filled with regret. Seeing how upset her beloved was and still high on what they'd just shared, she approached her beloved and gently wrapped her arms around her. "Loa... I don't know what you're so upset about, how could you ever be horrible? Everything is falling back into place again, I know it's been a while and things won't just go back to the way they were, they can't. But so long as we're together, so long as it's us, whether its bullies on the playground, that nasty flu you caught back in seventh grade, that time I took a baseball to the face in our junior year, government secrets, the monsters outside the walls, even the end of the world. I'll face them all with you, I'm ready for that. I love you, Loa and I'll never let you go again. I promise." She said, burying her face into the back of Loa's hair like she used to do whenever they were like this. Whether they were just standing like this, lying in bed, having her sitting in her lap.

"You shouldn't..." Loa whimpered. It only felt worse as Luka hugged her. "You shouldn't say such things... Love me? Promises? You shouldn't say that. I haven't earned it..." She sighed, barely able to keep herself up on her legs. Why was this so hard? Why did she feel like that meek little girl again? Parting from Luka, she took a few steps forward, wanting the space to think. After some seconds of thinking, she made her decision. To show her colors and what little integrity she still held. She looked over her shoulder, tears still streaming she whimpered. "I'm with someone else... That is why I am horrible... We... He and I have been dating for two years... And now I am here and... and..."

Luka stood across from Loa, mouth agape and head moving to and fro as she didn't understand or didn't want to understand what it was she was saying or trying to get at. However, deep in her mind and heart she did understand and Loa's feelings and actions regarding their kiss but she didn't want to. Her ears felt like they were ringing, her own body's attempt to not grasp hold of the things that Loa was talking about. "N- No," She got out, stumbling over her own words. "That doesn't make any sense and this isn't the time for making jokes. I-I know you were always good at it but this isn't the time for putting on a show... I mean, I'm baring my feelings right now. I mean, it's not even a good lie. You don't like men, you've always had a thing against them. You like women, you like me... right?" Luka tried to convince Loa to see what she believed to be the closest thing to reason. "If you need time to think about it that's fine and well, I get it, I know I did something wrong but don't make up stories. It's not funny, when you say things like that people get hurt..." She continued, unable to bring herself to believe the things Loa was telling her.

Loa shook her head. "I have a thing for men as well. I realized that when Lucius helped me move on from my phobia. Luka... Don't you see that this is what makes me horrible? I am not lying to you. I am dating someone else. I tried to move on. We..." She trailed off, shame bereaving her of her courage. She took a deep breath before speaking up yet again. "I do like you. Always have. Probably always will. But... I can't do this. I can't betray him. Not more than I already have." She said, wiping away her tears. She had no more right to cry. "You coming back, it... It awoke so many old feelings again. Hurt. Pain. Anger... Affection. I don't know why I did what I did, but the simple matter is that I thought I would never see you again. That you had left me. And the loneliness was too much for me. Maybe I thought... He was there at my lowest. I can't repay him with betrayal... More of it. I wish I could bare more of me as well, Luka. I really wish I could. But I can't." she sighed as she turned around fully. "Things have changed, Luka. Everything has."

Her attempts to keep the truth from herself, to deny them, to misinterpret them, all of it made the bluntness of Loa's words hit like a truck. With just words alone she felt her entire body suddenly begin to ache as though she'd been beaten to a pulp. Every muscle, every joint, ached and throbbed. Her stomach twisted and burned, her eyes began to water and her jaw tightened so hard she didn't even know if she'd have the strength to open it and speak. With furrowed brow she looked back at Loa, pain giving way to anger before her lips began to quiver and that anger gave way to a saddness she'd never felt before in her life. "E-everything's changed now, has it? That's how it is?" Luka asked, the rhetorical questions felt like acid in the back of her throat leaking out onto her tongue.

Luka's hands grabbed hold of handfuls of her one pants legs, fists tightening around the cloth until the flesh turned a bright white. "Everything I did was to protect you, to keep you out of harms way, I couldn't stand the thought of you ending up just like those people at the hospital. Just some 'accident' swept under the rug that neither I or anyone else could do anything about. I know I hurt you, Loa, but I only did what I did because the thought of losing you was something I couldn't bear." She shook, trying to keep herself composed as everything threatened to come out at once. "That thought of giving up on you never crossed my mind! I was going to figure this out and come back, I had to and I couldn't get you involved. The screams, the smell, the smoke and ashes haunted me too much, they still do. But I never gave up on you... on us. Years! We spent years together and now what? That's it?! After all of that you've just 'found someone else'? I'd never!" Luka spoke, raising her voice but never yelling, her breaths were quick paced as though fighting off a panic but despite the shine over her eyes she didn't cry. Still as stubborn as ever she held in her tears in spite of the whirlwind that ripped her heart to shreds.

"And how was I supposed to know that you would manage that? You left without warning, without explanation, without a goodbye. You didn't even leave me a note about it. I'm sure you will have rememebered all the calls and messages I sent you, no?" Loa said in return. "After years of no contact on any front, and considering what dangerous things you were going in to... How was I supposed to know anything? For all I knew you had left to never come back. Or worse, maybe you were dead! For months did I cry because I began to contemplate that those alternatives were reality by that point... Was it really that hard? That impossible? Just to send me a text to let me know that you are still alive? I would wake up from dreams where I had gotten just that small gesture, only to wake up sobbing when I realized it was just a wishful dream."

"It's not so simple as to just say 'That's it'. I waited for you, Luka. To send me a message. To give me a hint. A sign. Anything. But I never got that. I didn't get anything. I didn't just 'find someone else'. He looked after me. He cared for me when everything was at its darkest. He was there when I mourned. He was there when things began to get better, and he was there I'd fall back into the old pitfalls. He... He was there... Where would you have drawn the line, Luka? How long was I meant to wait while you were off on your mission? Five years? Ten? Twenty? If your quest had drawn out on the time, which it seemingly has, how long would you have had me wait before you decided to either let me go or quit and come back?"

Luka moved a foot foward as though putting it down, "Until I thought you were safe. Until I knew I could come back without worrying that what I was sticking my neck into wouldn't get you hurt." She said, her emotions controlling her words, knowing what she'd asked of Loa was unfair and yet in her heart of hearts she'd still never thought Loa would find someone else, would replace her, not with another woman and especially not with some man. "I've already told you, I know what I did was wrong but I'll tell you something here and now, had our roles been reversed I'd have never found someone else. Never, even if the Gods cursed me with a millenia of time and thrown all the temptations of the world my way. Love isn't something that can just be replaced, I'd have waited and even if my worst fears had been confirmed I'd never have loved another. That's how much you've always meant to me, Loa. Even now, as you kiss me one moment and tear out my heart the next it still belongs to you. I guess that makes one of us."