Dearly Departed Deals

**Fortunes Offered:**
♥ Personality Draws ♥
♦ Yes-or-No Answers ♦
 **Booth Manager:**
Tyrvarryn Shadowmist
***"At least, that's what the chicken has to say, anyway."***

The designated department of *Dearly Departed Deals*is diligently run by the Ebon Blade affiliates **Rilennia Rimeshard** and **Tyrvarryn Shadowmist.** Riley and her divination chicken Alectryo offer fortunes told by way of intricate tarot readings performed through an abject form of alectryomancy, and her partner Tyrvarryn assists in managing the uniquely eerie items the pair have for sale to the living and unliving alike; no discrimination by breath or pulse here!

Rilennia and Tyrvarryn will be located at Booth #8 of the Highguard on a permanently stationed basis, bearing the cold with an undeadly stiff upper lip, offering their goods and services through the week of the Tournament. Stop by to pick up some polish, get a fortune and pet a sprite darter!

## **Fortunes Offered!**

Rilennia and her chicken Alectryo offer **four** different kinds of fortune-telling for all of your scrying needs. They range from simple personality divulging to intricate four-card spreads, assauging a wide variety of your most burning questions.

   **🔮 Past-Present-Future** - The most basic, popular and reliable form of fortune telling. This reading will describe in some detail your *past* actions, your *present* state and your most likely *future*, and weave them together in a way that will provide you a clear path ahead.

**✨ Personality Draws** - Alectryo will briefly study you - after an offering of berries, of course - and attempt to pick the card that best suits you. This could be any one of the Major cards, or even something as simple as a numerical suit card. Bear in mind that this reading is the most likely to go haywire - perhaps the reading is relative to someone close to you, either friend or foe...

**📿 Yes or No Answers** - Do you have a query that's been lingering in your mind? Doubts about how to continue forward? Need an outside, unbiased hand *(or beak)* to guide you? Simply ask Alectryo your most personal yes or no question, and he'll do his best to answer.

**💎 Four Card Spreads** - This one takes a while; grab a seat! Riley will read to you the cards, and then give you an overall interpretation of their meanings when considered together.

There are two variations of this reading: **You-Unknown-Known-Action**, and **Will-Issue-Ego-Alternative**. *Either one of these readings are guaranteed to spark conversation between you and the date you've dragged over to watch this spectacle unfold!*
## *New to the Tournament for 2019:* **Palm Reading!**

   Rilennia has, in her hours upon hours of nothing to do in Acherus as an unliving corpse, dedicated herself to the ancient past-time of staring blankly at someone's palm and attempting to find meaning within its many lines and curvatures. (*Ghouls provided great test subjects, when cooperative.)* As such, she has mastered the art of glancing at *(organic)* hands and being able to *(somewhat accurately)* assume the personalities of the owners of those hands! Regardless of race - whether you have five fingers, four fingers or even three, ask for a palm reading for that introspective look into yourself you've been craving.

Readings are performed in three sets: **hand shapes**, **palm mounts** and **lines**. Their meanings depend **entirely** on the querent's individuality!

What does your *mount of Norgannon* look like? What is your *hand's shape* mean, relative to your inner monologue? Is your *life line* long? What does a short *fate line* portend for you? What does any of this even **mean**? Find out by requesting a quick reading!

*(( Please have at least a somewhat-filled TRP/XRP profile before requesting a palm reading! ))*

🈵 Palm readings are given on a hand-by-hand basis. Prosthetic hands will be removed and hurled into the Frozen Sea. 🈵

## ☠️ Physical Wares - From Acherus to You! ☠️

In her acclimation to Acherus as a newly sworn Initiate, Riley has stumbled upon several abandoned goods located within the more musty of the dread citadel's halls. Subsequently, these have been lifted and hawked with what seems like indifference from the undying host.

Some of these are completely harmless, such as the always-favored Mind Freezy-Pop. Some of them have practical uses, like armor polish or healing poultices! Some of them are ***completely cursed** and may inflict **irreparable harm** on the living in return for their unquenched avarice.* Remember - you chose this path! *Caveat emptor!*

Most items have a simple gold cost associated with them, but some will require more - *immaterial* goods with which to trade for their ownership. These *special items* will change daily, and usually have but one in stock to purchase! Try and flag down Riley or her partner Tyrvarryn to see what they can drag through a *Death Gate* for you that day!

#### **☠️ [ EERIE ENDOWMENTS ] ☠️**

**[ Bagged Bone Shards ]**
These are organically sourced bone fragments in a linen bag, lovingly collected from the bottom of emptied corpse wagons. Endless uses! Embed them into the exposed flesh of foes, transmitting illness - and mites! Employ *biological warfare!* These shards are pre-diseased and are packaged at random for your enjoyment.

*These are what amount to be a blind-bag of bone shards. Collect (nearly) all of Azeroth’s races!*

*• Fee: Twenty-five silver pieces per palm-sized canvas bag.*

**[ Bottled Smolder ]**
Eternally hot to the touch, this skull-shaped glass bottle spews a seemingly unending black cloud of hot ash and smoke, sourced directly from the ever-bellowing runeforges of Acherus.

*• Fee: Twenty-five silver pieces per bottle. Bottles are swaddled in a cloth due to risk of breakage.*

**[ Mind Freezy-Pops ]**
The Freezy-Pop is a treat on a stick shaped in a skull mold, designed to resemble a humanoid brain. It has all the flavor of a blueberry slush, with no actual devouring of gray matter!\*

* *Our apologies in advance to potential Forsaken customers who may have, in their excitement, have mistakenly believed that the Mind Freezy-Pop was, in fact, a real brain.*

*• Fee: Ten silver pieces per confection. Not responsible for shards of skull left from the molding process.*

**[ Herbal Poultices ]**
A collection of medicinal herbs gathered from the Plaguelands, harvested by trained geists and guaranteed to soothe the scrapes of even the most damned still shambling on Azeroth. These linen-bag sealed poultices contain *Black Lotus* pods, hints of peeled, dried *Life Root* and the unusually impossible to find, emaciated petals of the extinct herb *Arthas’ Tears.*

*• Fee: Fifty silver pieces per poultice.*

    **[ Ghoul-Stank Masking Incense Cones ]**

Upon visiting the inner hold of Acherus, one is often hit with two things: the pommel of a Knight’s blade for trespassing into the domain of the dead, then, prior to unconsciousness, the horrible waft of desiccated corpse parts. Those that venture from Acherus into the realm of the living may take some discrete time to freshen themselves from that awful ghoul-stank by placing lit cones of Pandaren incense in their armor, a favored alternative to the tedious task of bathing - giving a ruse of cleanliness without the risk of accidentally sloughing pallid skin from bone. It also makes your armor leak black smoke, which is *~aesthetic~*. The living are now welcome to partake of Acherus’ industrial-grade incense; a refreshing and expertly blended balance of sungrass and cinderbloom. The smoke is cloying enough to cling to any surface and provide a lasting clean scent without leaving behind unsightly residue.

*• Fee: Fifty silver coins for five cones of incense. Not recommended for long-term replacement of actual bathing.*

    **[ Demonsbone Armor Polish ]**
Said to be pilfered from the private stash of the Deathlord, this special armor polish is bespeckled with pulverized, demon-bone-laced and overall exceedingly coarse grade sand, located beneath Acherus’ current holding pattern on the Shore. It’s full of gristle and grit, ready to take on the most stubborn stains and buff out the worst of your armor’s scuffs.
The inscription on the tin reads: *“Strong enough **for** a Deathlord, made **from** several mortals.”*

*• Fee: One gold coin per tin pot of polish. When generously measured, there’s roughly ten applications of polish.*

    **[ Noth’s Special Brew ]**

*( MANDATED WARNING: Aged Like Fine Wine* Very *Expired )*

The Plaguebringer was one of Kel’thuzad’s most trusted lieutenants, responsible for refining the process that distilled the souls of the living into the mindless shackles of undeath. He also considered himself a pretty good microbrewer. Simmered with what were once fresh skulls and plague gas, several Knights of the Ebon Blade smuggled away unbroken bottles of the end product for - *well, who knows why. Nostalgia? Death Knights are odd creatures.*

*• Fee: 50 silver pieces per bottle.*

**[ Death Rattles ]**

Half of an ornately carved femur of indeterminate origin. It has several holes bored into it, with phalanges loosely lashed in intervals through its hollowed-out core, all secured with knots of thin leather strips that create a “rain stick” sound effect when violently shaken. Previously used as a voiceless battle cry, the low clatter of restless bones echoed across the berth of a battlefield as a murmur that suffused enemies of the Scourge with disquieted fear.
Rhythmically oscillating a Rattle before a fight fills one with d e t e r m i n a t i o n.

*• Fee: Four gold coins per Rattle. Repeated shaking of the Death Rattle will cause it to glow blue.
That’s its attack.*

**[ The Horseman’s Bottled Bath Water ]**

It was only fitting when Sally Whitemane was chosen and raised to serve that which she hated most in life. Filled with inner loathing over the corpse that she has become, the lady Whitemane obsessively bathes in imported Northrend Crystal Vice waters daily, in vain trying to maintain her once much sought-after appearance. Runoff of this water has been covertly collected and stored in these vials by zealous, diligent servants and smuggled out of Acherus for sale to only the most *blasphemous* and *thirsty* of Scarlet Crusaders.

⚠️ . . . Please, please do not ingest this water. *Please.*

This is stagnant water within which a corpse has been laying. It is tepid, virulent and will make you **incredibly** ill. ⚠️

*Due to the behavior of underhanded resellers & shameless deviants,* **limit one vial per customer.**

*• Fee: Thirty gold coins per securely corked vial.*

**[ Defective Engraved “Runeblades” ]**

Have you ever wanted to know what it feels like to be a Death Knight without swearing an unbreakable oath to the undying multitude? Perhaps you’ve envisioned yourself gallantly swinging a glowing runeblade into battle, charging forth in the name of the Lich King to slay your enemies. Now is your chance to do so! Pick up one of the Blade’s discarded blades, each with misshapen, maligned or otherwise inert runes, which are guaranteed to not horribly disfigure or corrupt you instantly upon its holding, *unlike SOME worthless fallen paladins who are not fit to be **mentioned,** much less **marshal** the most ravenous host.* Enjoy all the benefits of **replicating** a Death Knight without inflicting a *swathe of destruction to sate a gnawing need to execute atrocious acts*, commanded by He who rests unsleeping upon the Frozen Throne!

*• Fee: Ten gold coins per **“relatively harmless”**, but still **very sharp**, sword.*