Our Little War

### Characters

Pershek, Guvin, Leah, Zhanyov, Albert, Yelba, Helena, Pudrok, Nichna, Barnov, Bleena, Penski, Krov, Lada, Byolnik, Shasdobyk, Predmila, Tremblik, Gorsakov

Two fishermen from villages on opposite sides of a river shoot each other and the two towns go to war, despite the efforts of a pair of secret lovers.

# Characters

* Pershek (m, 52) - Drolo Drokovich Pershek. Doubles with Pudrok.
* Guvin (m, 47) - Lazman Shneblov Guvin
* Leah (f, 22) - Leah Razpodinova Barnova
* Zhanyov (m, 55) - Piotr Brogisov Zhanyov
* Albert (m, 24) - Albert Shasdobykov Gromchik
* Yelba (f, 47) - Anya Radoya Yelba
* Helena (f, 25) - Helena Gorkina Krova
* Pudrok (m, 83) - Vinu Drelmanov Pudrok. Doubles with Pershek.
* Nichna (f, 68) - Brinta Lalenya Nichna
* Barnov (m, 59) - Razpodin Trovich Barnov
* Bleena (f, 38) - Bleena Gudayeva Persheka. Doubles with Lada.
* Penski (m, 51) - Penski "the Rat" Ogudev Brinek
* Krov (m, 60) - Gorka Gorkovich Krov
* Lada (f, 34) - Lada Bolgova Babina. Doubles with Bleena.
* Byolnik (m, 25) - Shnubek Gondrovich Byolnik
* Shasdobyk (m, 63) - Shasdobyk Bresmutov Gromchik. Doubles with Gorsakov.
* Predmila (f, 61) - Predmila Lyovova Gromchika. Doubles with Tremblik.
* Tremblik (f, 61) - Mala Modov Tremblik. Doubles with Predmila.
* Gorsakov (m, 63) - Bernert Borisovich Gorsakov. Doubles with Shasdobyk.

# Synopsis

## Act I

### 1 - Fishermen's Pride

One morning, on the banks of the Gulagova River that separates the countries of Labernyek and Bolovka, fisherman Pershek of Shamsa and fisherman Guvin of Zinsk both get their hooks caught on the same ruby red carp and are both dragged into the water. Sopping wet, each one blames the other. They pull out their guns and shoot each other. Guvin is shot in the leg and crawls back to Zinsk, but Pershek dies in the arms of Leah, the farmer’s daughter, who was in the woods collecting berries.

### 2 - An Old Flagpole

Albert Gromchik is Shamsa’s resident writer; he studied at the university in the capital of Labernyek and wrote a short story for the Borgen-Bremlik Gazette, but they haven’t gotten back to him yet about whether or not they’ve accepted it. He runs into Zhanyov the butcher in the town square, who’s erecting the Labernyekski flag. Zhanyov and Albert make small talk about Leah’s crush on Albert and the fact that a terrible rainstorm is coming. Mrs. Yelba walks by pushing the town’s cannon, which is when Albert learns that the two villages have declared war on each other.

### 3 - On the Little Bridge

That’s a big problem for him because he’s dating Helena Krova, the daughter of the mayor of Zinsk. He goes to meet her on the little bridge, they’re secret spot, whistling like a bird, which is their secret system. She’s already there and tells him that it’s time for them to run away to America together, especially because her father is looking to marry her off. He convinces her that they can go back to their respective villages and talk them down.

### 4 - The First Meeting

At the meeting hall in Shamsa, Mrs. Nichna, the matriarch of sorts, farmer Barnov, Leah’s father, and Zhanyov the butcher are advocating for total war—going across the river and killing all the Zinskers before they have the chance to come get them. Mrs. Yelba is trying to calm them down and think of a better plan. First, she establishes the Drolo Drokovich Pershek Memorial Fund, to pay for any war expenses, and has Leah collect money from the crowd. She convinces them that they need a strategist—in walks Albert. They appoint him chief strategist of the war effort. His plan is to write a letter to General Gorsakov, the war hero who led Shamsa to victory last time Labernyek and Bolovka fought in the Thirty Years Ago War.

### 5 - Impatience

Mrs. Yelba and Mr. Zhanyov meet; she reveals that the war provides her with the perfect cover to get out of backwater Shamsa once and for all and the Pershek Memorial Fund will provide her with the money to sail to America. Zhanyov confesses his love for her, asking him to marry her, but she doesn’t love him like that. He says he understands, but goes off to get drunk with Mr. Barnov.

### 6 - Lovers' Quarrel

Helena and Albert meet in the woods again. She’s managed to convince her father to stop the war! Albert admits that he wasn’t so successful and that he’s writing a letter to Gorsakov—the boogieman in Zinsk. They’re interrupted by Penski the Rat, a hermit who lives in the woods and draws charcoal etchings of the people in the villages. He shows them one he’s drawn of the two of them, one he’s done of Albert helping Leah gather berries, one of Leah bathing in the Gulagova. They’re interrupted by the sounds of the Shamsans, led by drunken Zhanyov and Barnov, crossing the bigger bridge with the cannon.

### 7 - The Siege of Zinsk

The Shamsans are demanding that Krov, they mayor of Zinsk, give up Guvin. Krov appears on the balcony with his assistant Lada to placate them, but the Shamsans say some horrible things and Krov declares that the war is back on. The bells in Shamsa start ringing: a sign that Gorsakov has arrived. Albert is flabbergasted, since he never sent the letter, let alone finished it. Mrs. Nichna reveals that she wrote and sent a letter of her own.

### 8 - Public Servant Byolnik

But it’s not General Gorsakov—the only one there when the Shamsans return is Public Servant Byolnik, who had been sent by his uncle in the Labernyekski capital to catalog the fish along the Gulagova and had taken a wrong somewhere, ending up in Zinsk. Since he’s from the capital, though, the people decide to make him their general, overriding Albert, and give him total control over Yelba’s memorial fund.

## Act II

### 9 - Dinner with the Gromchiks

That night, Byolnik has dinner with Albert’s parents, Shasdobyk and Predmila. Albert tries to discern what exactly Byolnik’s plan will be with regards to the war, but Byolnik won’t commit to peace or fighting. Leah comes by to collect money for the Pershek Memorial Fund and Byolnik and the Gromchiks donate all of their savings.

### 10 - Another Meeting

Helena chats with Guvin, who’s now in a wheelchair, in mayor Krov’s palace. He’s interested in marrying her, but she’s definitely not having any of it. Krov and Lada show up—he’s all for his daughter marrying a newly minted war hero and has even bought her a wedding dress in preparation. Helena huffs off to “consider Guvin’s proposal” just as Zhanyov and Byolnik arrive to negotiate. Zhanyov proves an impediment towards peace and is escorted out, but Byolnik and Krov agree on a battle to happen the next day. Helena comes back in and Krov considers having her marry Byolnik, considering his standing in the capital. She is even less interested in Byolnik than in Guvin, but agrees to go on a picnic with him to discuss peace.

### 11 - Across Two Beds

As they’re getting ready for bed, Byolnik reveals to Albert that he thinks he’s falling in love with someone.

# Production

All My Friends - Redboy - Plant - The Needle and the Fan - A Whole New Kind of Kyle Coming Home - Relatively Speaking