Daikatana

*Daikatana* is the seventeenth episode of Just Bad Games, released on April 16, 2020.

## Transcript

**Shane**: John Romero's *Daikatana* is a PC game from the year 2000 that was developed by Ion Storm.

**Adam**: You may be thinking, who is John Romero, and why is this his Daikatana?

**Shane**: Well, he's only one of the most **important video game developers of all time!**

**Adam**: John Romero is one of the founding members of id Software, a company that revolutionized the early video game industry by creating groundbreaking titles.

**Shane**: *Hovertank 3D*, *Wolfenstein 3D*, *Doom 3D*, *Quake*, uh, *3D*, and more. 3D!

**Adam**: The first-person shooter genre that we know today was essentially built by the talented team at id Software.

**Shane**: With a track record like that, you'd better believe they've earned the admiration and respect of gamers the world over.

**Adam**: But eventually, the old team broke up, and Ion Storm was formed, with Mr. Romero and another id Software founder, Tom Hall, with other members of id Software jumping to Ion Storm as well.

**Shane**: Ion Storm, being founded by such influential members, was bound to attract attention. When Romero announced that the company would be working on a brand new title called *Daikatana*, people were hungry to know more.

**Adam**: Originally, *Daikatana* was going to be developed in just a few months, utilizing the *Quake* engine. With development knowledge of these two senior members of id Software, it was easy to believe that they might actually hit that goal.

**Shane**: But that's not what went down. *Daikatana* would get delayed for **years** from its expected release date in 1997.

**Adam**: It went through multiple changes.

**Shane**: And ran a tone-deaf edgy ad campaign in magazine spreads that Romero himself has since regretted and apologized for, stating that the ad changed his relationship with the gaming community.

**Adam**: How often were these magazines run? Quarterly?

**Shane**: Possibly.

**Adam**: Anyway, in the new millennium, the game was release. So how did the game turn out?

**Shane**: Well, get ready to sharpen your swords. It's time to slice into this game and find out.

**Adam**: It starts by introducing you to Hiro Miyamoto, a sword sensei.

**Shane**: He teaches kids how to play with swords.

*(Baby shown cutting through Winnie-the-Pooh plush with a katana)*

**Adam**: One day, he's visited by a sick old man named Toshiro Ebihara, who informs Hiro that reality is not as it should be. A man by the name of Kage Mishima found a sword that Hiro's ancestor had made several generations earlier. The sword, known as the Daikatana, grants impressive abilities to its wielder, including time travel.

**Shane**: Great Scott! With that power in hand, Mishima has warped existence into a dystopian nightmare. Toshiro begs Hiro to save his daughter from the clutches of Mishima and take back the legendary Daikatana to fix the disrupted timeline.

**Adam**: Suddenly, ninjas!

**Shane**: They kill Toshiro and knock out Hiro, but don't kill him, because this game needs a protagonist.

**Adam**: So, Hiro decides to avenge this random guy he just met, and hide in his coffin, which is being taken to Mishima's giant castle.

**Shane**: This entire opening is nearly ten minutes. It's info-heavy and stuffed with unnecessarily lengthy cinematic shots.

**Adam**: They certainly had a grand vision for the game. We wanted to ensure that we properly experienced exactly what the developers felt confident in giving customers, so we're playing the final official release from Ion Storm. No fan patches, classic 4:3 aspect ratio and all.

**Shane**: Right. So how does *Daikatana* actually play?

*(long loading screen)*

**Adam**: This does not bode well.

**Shane**: A little bad news. This metallic clinking sound? You're going to be hearing it at every loading screen, and the game loads a lot.

**Adam**: Into the first level of the game, we've got ourselves a first-person shooter. Not exactly out of the comfort zone of a team composed of former id Software talent. It feels a lot like *Quake 2*- not surprising, considering it's running on the *Quake 2* engine. It's fast and responsive, it feels foreboding and dangerous, it's-

**Shane**: Kind of an RPG?

**Adam**: A-wha?

**Shane**: Role-playing game! That's what this is supposed to be. According to John Romero himself.

**John Romero's head**: "The idea for *Daikatana* came from a few different video game influences, mostly *Chrono Trigger* and *Zelda*".

**Adam**: Place RPG character building along solid first-person shooter mechanics with towering, lightning-quick enemies? That sounds amazing!

**Shane**: And it would've been, but instead we get-

*(frog enemy approaches)*

**Adam**: Frogs.

**Shane**: Robotic frogs.

**Adam**: Mosquitoes.

**Shane**: Robotic mosquitoes.

**Adam**: Crocodiles. \*clears throat\*

**Shane**: Robotic crocodiles. I think we're starting to see a pattern here.

**Adam**: We're given a mechanized zoo to fight in a swamp; enemy types that mostly force you to look down at the ground or look awkwardly up in the air to engage them. This would've been fine if it wasn't for your starting weapon.

**Shane**: The Ion Blaster. Likely named after the word "ion" in Ion Storm, projectiles will decimate foes with an attack that can bounce off walls and... hurt you.

**Adam**: Shooting at deflective surfaces in confined spaces will have you poking holes in yourself. Your first weapon has a learning curve, making it a poor choice for your first weapon.

**Shane**: We muscled on through the stage until we head to a door that Hiro can't pass, and suddenly-

*(A ghost appears)*

**Money Ghost**: Oh, him? That's the ghost of your long-dead ancestor. AND I'M THE GHOST OF THE MONEY YOU WASTED ON THIS TERRIBLE F\*\*KING GAME!

**Adam**: We get into the next area, where we find Mishima workers, and this happens:

*(examples of terrible NPC AI)*

**Shane**: The AI here is totally broken. These workers eventually run into some of the gears and moving objects in the levels that act like a puzzle sequence, breaking it.

**Adam**: They even drown themselves if you watch them long enough.

**Shane**: Oh, but don't for a minute think that the NPC AI is the only problem here.

**Adam**: As Hiro works his way through the Mishima facility, he comes across Superfly, a prisoner who formerly worked for Mishima. Hiro frees Superfly and he joins the quest.

**Shane**: Now, you might think that Superfly only shows up in cutscenes- not actually joining you throughout each stage- but you would be UTTERLY wrong.

**Adam**: Superfly is an AI-controlled sidekick who will play alongside you. His AI is about as good as these guys:

*(another example of terrible NPC AI)*

**Shane**: There are three basic rules that govern your sidekick experiences:

**Adam**: In order to complete a stage, the sidekick needs to be with you.

**Shane**: Sidekicks are restricted to the same path of movement that you are.

**Adam**: If the sidekick dies, it's game over.

**Shane**: Let's break down how freaking awful this is in practice.

**Adam**: Hiro needs to complete puzzles and level traversal, the whole time with a sidekick that easily gets stuck and lost through every minute of play.

**Shane**: Superfly generally operates by himself, but once in a while, you'll have to intervene with a series of keyboard commands, like "follow", "grab", or "stay", which your sidekick has about a 50-50 chance of understanding.

**Adam**: Superfly gets stuck. A lot.

**Shane**: Here's how Superfly uses a door:

*(Superfly gets stuck on the door and dies)*

**Adam**: Ah, but it's not all doom and gloom. Sidekicks can use weapons to help you take on the constant rush of enemies.

**Shane**: Superfly will consistently shoot while you're in front of him. Since this is a game where your sidekick naturally follows behind you, guess what happens?

**Adam**: He shoots through you, and of course, the game features friendly fire.

**Shane**: \*sigh\* None of the weapons in this game are well-designed. Most have wide splash damage that can easily hurt you and Superfly with every shot. The real danger in this game is not the enemies dotted throughout the levels; it's your arsenal. Oh, and Superfly.

**Adam**: Broken AI is a huge problem in *Daikatana*. We would spend a massive amount of time finishing a stage, only to realize when we got to the end that Superfly was lost somewhere in the level. We had to backtrack until we found him and nudge him in the right direction. Repeating this through each stage practically doubles the gameplay time.

**Shane**: Oh, we didn't even mention what happens when Hiro dies. Sure, it's a game over and you'll need to restart, but with Superfly at your side, you get this:

**Superfly**: \*sobs\* Oh no! \*sobs\* Goodby-e-e, Hiro! \*sobs\*

**Adam**: Up until this point, Superfly's known Hiro for- I don't know, ten? Twenty minutes? He gets attached easily.

**Shane**: Wonder what it's like when his goldfish dies.

*(Superfly's head explodes)*

If his bawling wasn't annoying enough, other sounds in this game are beyond grating. Remember how we mentioned that almost everything was robotic? When things move, you'll know it.

**Adam**: One robot sounds like this:

*(robot frog noises)*

**Shane**: But hearing a bunch of them in a room at once?

*(constant robotic whirring)*

**Adam**: That's not enough. We need more sounds. How about we slap a gas-powered engine to the back of Hiro's hand and constantly blast a recording of a lawn mower?

**Shane**: OH YEAH! NOISE POLLUTION IS AWESOME! WOOOOO!

**Adam**: So, things aren't looking good for John Romero's *Daikatana*.

**Shane**: But wait, there's more!

**Adam**: You and Superfly will eventually find Toshiro's daughter. Remember, the old man from the intro cutscene? Anyway, her name is Mikiko, and when you rescue her, she joins you, meaning that you now have two, not one, **two sidekicks you need to babysit at all times**.

**Shane**: All of the problems with Superfly? Double them.

**Adam**: The bulk of the game is reduced to escort missions with two AI-controlled characters that lack the basic ability to use stairs.

**Shane**: Did we mention how strange it looks when anyone walks on stairs in this game?

**Adam**: How is this game so janky? Getting through stages is like trolling through muck! If you have the incredible mental endurance to push forward, you'll make your way to the room that houses the magical sword, the Daikatana.

**Shane**: To grab it, you'll need to blow up a bunch of brains in jars. Feels like we're getting a little symbolism.

**Adam**: You grab the sword. Game over, right?

**Shane**: Wrong!

**Adam**: Kage Mishima, the sword thief and head of the Mishima Corporation, appears holding another Daikatana. Hiro lines up to attack him, but is told-

**Mishima**: These two swords are actually one and the same. If they were ever to cross or touch in any way, the world as we know it would cease to exist.

**Shane**: We also saw *Ghostbusters*.

**Adam**: So Hiro screams, the screen goes white, and Hiro wakes up alone in ancient Greece. Welcome to another of *Daikatana's* big selling points: multiple time periods.

**Shane**: The game has a total of four. Each time period you travel to will have completely different weapons and items. Oh, and every time you travel, you have to rebuild your inventory from scratch.

**Adam**: Not that it matters, cause you still have the Daikatana- the only weapon that you should be using in this game.

**Shane**: The more you use it, the more powerful it gets. It doesn't need ammo refills, and with it, you can obliterate any enemy unless they're flying above you.

**Adam**: Hiro's stats also level up as he gains XP. This is an RPG, after all, but it doesn't matter. You won't notice a difference.

**Shane**: So, we're in Greece. We find Mikiko; she's still impossible to control.

**Adam**: And this time period is worse than the last.

**Shane**: Every item and interactive object? It's like learning a new language. You need to learn new ways to complete puzzles and open doors that have no connecting logic to anything you've played in previous stages.

**Adam**: For example, in this area, we cleared out every enemy. There are several locked doors. We assumed that at least one of these doors needs to be opened, so we look through the whole stage for the better part of an hour looking for a switch to open them.

**Shane**: Eventually, by pure chance, Mikiko walked on a tile that opened only one of the many locked doors in the level. There was no indication anyone needed to stand anywhere, and this is the only time in the whole game that this one switch mechanic was ever used.

**Adam**: Instead of playing a fast and smooth FPS, we're crawling along trying to find out how to open a door with no enemies in sight and an AI that keeps getting stuck on railings. Our sidekicks are more clueless than we are.

**Mikiko**: I wonder where we are.

*(Hiro gets a vision)*

**Mikiko**: What is it, Hiro? What's wrong?

**Hiro**: Did you see that?

**Mikiko**: See what?

**Money Ghost**: John Romero is gonna make you his b\*tch!

**Hiro**: I- nevermind.

**Shane**: Get to the end of this time period, and you fight Medusa.

**Adam**: Yeah, Medusa. The mythical figure that turns you into stone if you look at her? She's here.

**Shane**: How do you beat her? We tried running up and swiping at her furiously with the ever-powerful Daikatana. And when we finally killed her-

**Adam**: The game crashed! Apparently you're not supposed to be able to use the Daikatana on Medusa, despite us literally doing just that. You're supposed to use an eyeball on a stick.

**Shane**: Great! We find Superfly, who is turned into stone, but- got better.

**Adam**: With the Daikatana fully charged with Medusa's lifeforce, it's time for our heroes to get to the past and fix the timeline. Hiro uses the Daikatana to open the time vortex.

**Shane**: And Mishima is there, waiting. Hiro and Mishima feign fighting with their swords despite Mishima already saying that all existence would end if the two swords touch.

**Adam**: But nevermind. Mishima beats Hiro and sends the group to the medieval time period.

**Mikiko**: Where are we now? Is that a village over there?

**Adam**: Oh, good job, Mikiko! Here's a cookie!

*(Mikiko eats the cookie)*

**Shane**: We've got the Daikatana and our two idiotic sidekicks by our side.

**Adam**: Mikiko is bitten by a rat.

**Shane**: We've got the Daikatana and an idiot carrying an idiot by our side.

**Adam**: In this time period, there's a king who's sick, and the citizens have been changed into zombies.

**Shane**: You'll need to find parts of a sword spread across the kingdom, that once combined can make the king better.

**Adam**: You'll also need to fight wizards. Each of them has a staff that you can grab after defeating them. The first one has a fireball staff. We fight him, we kill him.

**Shane**: And Superfly and Mikiko get crushed to death for no reason. Game over.

**Adam**: Okay? We battle the same wizard again. We kill him.

**Shane**: And Superfly and Mikiko accidentally fall into a pool of lava. Game over.

**Adam**: The AI cannot possibly be any more senseless than this.

*(Superfly gets attacked by a zombie during a game over screen)*

Right! Nope, I'm out. I'm calling it.

**Shane**: No! Hey! Come back here!

**Adam**: That's it.

**Shane**: Don't you dare leave!

**Adam**: When you get past the fire wizard, you're on to the next, which we're just gonna go ahead and call the glitch wizard, cause every aspect of this enemy encounter is broken beyond belief.

**Shane**: It's a boss fight. Now, with most boss fights, you may be tempted to save near this encounter, but, don't. Saves near the glitch wizard get corrupted.

**Adam**: The glitch wizard also gets stuck on stairs, and he can't be killed. Time to reload the game.

**Shane**: But let's say you finally corner the glitch wizard and attempt to take him out. Well, here he just loops around the level taunting you. He can't be killed. Time to reload the game.

**Adam**: Let's say you play this boss battle over forty times, and on your forty-first attempt, you finally through sheer will find a path through all the broken gameplay and manage to deliver a killing blow?

**Shane**: Bam. The game completely crashes and corrupts your save file.

**Adam**: Ugh! How is this so broken?

**Shane**: We seriously lost count of how many times we replayed this section, but eventually something accidentally worked, and we found our way through.

**Adam**: Found sword pieces. Assembled. Gave to king. King healthy. King make Mikiko healthy. King charge Daikatana. Time travel to final destination.

*(picture of Super Smash Bros.' "Final Destination" stage)*

Not that one. Don't get excited.

**Shane**: San Francisco in 2030.

**Adam**: Now that Mikiko's better, you once again have to deal with the stupid twins doing mind-bogglingly idiotic platforming and hampering your every move.

**Shane**: In the end, we face off against Mishima in a submarine dock. He throws caution to the wind and decides to clash his Daikatana with Hiro's.

**Adam**: Why isn't whe world blowing up and existence not existing? We don't know. And no one cares.

**Shane**: What we can tell you, though, is that eventually, after Mishima throws ghosts at you and you knock him down-

**Adam**: Hiro's swod disappears. Mishima's doesn't. Hiro and his two defective paperweights decide to take the sword and recharge its time travelling abilities by staking it into a nuclear reactor.

**Shane**: \*gasp\* But wait! Mikiko pulls the radioactive sword out of the reactor and kills Superfly, because secretly, she wanted the sword this whole time, and her ancestors actually backstabbed Hiro's ancestor who made the original Daikatana. So, she's evil now.

**Adam**: Cool. Yeah, whatever. You fight Mikiko and you kill her.

**Shane**: Hooray! Everyone is dead!

**Adam**: Hiro decides to use the freshly-powered Daikatana to fix the flow of time, and now everyone is alive, and everypne's happy.

**Shane**: We get one last shot of Hiro, who is sitting peacefully in a secret location. The Daikatana is hidden under his house, and he appears to have stolen the Mona Lisa.

**Adam**: That was *Daikatana* on PC, in all its brutal glory.

**Shane**: Ah, but it wasn;t the only version of this game. There are a total of three completely different and unique versions of *Daikatana*.

**Adam**: Remember how John Romero said he liked *Zelda*?

**John Romero's head**: \*gargling\*

**Adam**: Well, arguably the best version of the game looks strikingly like *Zelda*. The Game Boy Color version isn't an amazing game, but it's good for an action-adventure title. But the same developers of the Game Boy Color version also ported *Daikatana* to the Nintendo 64, and that deserves a closer look.

**Shane**: We've gone back and forth trying to figure out if the N64 version is worse than the PC, but this isn't an easy thing to decide.

**Adam**: We're not saying that the console version of the game is good. No, it's definitely bad. In some ways, it takes big steps back from what was offered on the PC.

**Shane**: It's a console-based first-person shooter with terrible aiming mechanics. Everything is floaty, and doing basic things like crouching require complicated button combos not taught to you at any point.

**Adam**: Cutscenes tend to go on forever in the N64 release, and even if they're the same length, they feel way longer. There's no voice acting and no sound effects at all. Just terrible looping music.

**Shane**: But believe it or not, the animations in the cutscenes are sometimes better than the PC version. Even though the framerate is way, way worse, story beats and character development that are here are just more fleshed-out than what you get on the PC version.

**Adam**: Another improvement? Every single level plays out as one piece. No loading. They managed this by making levels much smaller, cutting out the fat from the PC version. This makes some levels overly simple and seriously boring, but hey, at least they flow properly- something that can not be said about the PC release.

**Shane**: Full chunks of *Daikatana* PC are missing in the N64 version, even boss levels that are hinted at with cutscenes. On PC, there's a three-headed Cerberus dog we fought; on N64, well, we see the dog in a cutscene, and then that's it. He just disappears.

**Adam**: But we have to commend the developers on the N64 version for one thing: they removed Superfly and Mikiko from the gameplay. Now they're only in the cutscenes.

**Shane**: Really? So there's no more

*(Superfly's bad AI shown)*

**Adam**: That's right! It doesn't make the port better, but it sure helps.

**Shane**: *Daikatana* on N64 is a weird mess, like a bad police sketch of the original game. In their desperation to complete the port, the devs cut out some aspects, simplified others, and generally rushed the game. Hey, who actually made this game?

**Adam**: Uh, nobody special. Just the same developers who worked on *Batman: Dark Tomorrow*!

**Batman**: I was using a Daikatana at the end of my game, and nobody noticed!

**Shane**: *Daikatana* was an incredibly ambitious title from Ion Storm, attempting to bring several game concepts into one, and not making any one work.

**Adam**: Without a doubt, it would be years before any development team would marry role-playing mechanics, story, and a first-person shooter into anything resembling a good game.

**Shane**: Wait, didn't *Deus Ex* come out the same year?

**Adam**: Oh, right, it did. Who developed it?

*(Ion Storm)*

Wait, what?

**Shane**: **IT'S JUST BAD.**