Love Waits (GAM231)

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

***Love Waits*** (which should have been called ***If You Liked It, You Should Have Put a Purity Ring on It***) is the classic story of a Nebraska ingenue moving to the big city of suburban South Dakota and trying to avoid being corrupted; but, more specifically it's a thirty minute list of misogynist talking points and other Christian terrible evil talking points, surrounded by ninety minutes of establishing shots.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because everything else the voices tell me to do is illegal.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, before we recorded I said this and I stand by it: this film reaches David Lynch levels of just abstract… horror. There's one scene that I think really encapsulated it; it was when the main girl runs into the sad sex-ed teacher at church, and it's just a far away shot with two lone terrible artificial trees (to the left and the right), just a white wall, and then those two characters just speaking to each other for about seven minutes and… it's dark. It's so dark. It almost felt purposeful, how—it chills you to the bone. It really does.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: ...scene breaks.
* Maggie Mae: ...side characters who are saying lines because clearly some other actors didn't show up.
* Noah: ...central theme.

### **Notes**

* Check Maggie Mae on Twitter and YouTube.

### **Jokes**

* "Also, can we talk really quickly about the… speaking ability of these—I'm gonna say human beings but I'm not sure—these ’people' talk like alien robots with bad A.I. It's like they're reading a ransom note with the cut out magazine words as best they can. It sounds *crazy.* I had in my notes 'If you told me these were all French people reading English phonetically, I would not ask you to prove that.' If that was part of the IMDB trivia I'd go 'Oooh, right, okay. I get it now.' Because people who speak English wouldn't be a part of this godamn script." (17:10)
* Oh, there is *so* many—I watched this with my partner, and thought the movie they kept being like 'So, you're telling me that this guy write a movie where it's a bunch of girls talking about sex, trying to *have* sex, them talking about sex in the girl's bathroom, in the girls locker room…' and yeah, that is the movie that he wrote. [Heath: Did you make this partner watch the movie twice with you?] Oh okay, so the second time was actually their idea. Because they were like 'You know what? I need to figure this out", and so we watched it again the next night. I mean, it's very rare that you get this masterpiece of a clusterfuck car crash. It really has all the elements—you can't look away." (1:30:35)

### **Interstitials**

* Donald Parker and the script for *Love Waits* (10:30)
* *Cats* Bonus Episode Patreon Ad (48:15)
* "I was a teen girl once… for the purposes of this skit." (1:26:38)

**Tropes**

* Alcohol= Bad Guy
* Atheist Converts to Christianity
* Bad Sportsing/Sportsing
* Boss in a Bit Part [Donald James Parker as "Bill Ireland", the band director]
* Cancer Wife/God Killed My Mom/Evil Stole My Faith
* Christians Don't Know How the World Works
* Indoctrination of Children
* Deathbed Conversion
* Dollar in the Swear Jar
* Not Christian Enough
* Nothing Happens
* Pearl Clutching
* Reprehensible Moral Message
* SEXISM!
* Make me a Sammich!
* Neglectful/Godless /Abusive Parent
* Reprehensible Moral Message
* SEXISM!
* Who's That Girl?

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* [Episode on YouTube]
* Trailer on YouTube
* IMDB