Episode 36 - Beef Encounters

Cariad Lloyd, Mike Wozniak and Elis James join in for this episode which looks at a success story arising from Beef Encounters, our beef and dairy industry focused dating app.

## Characters

* The Host
* Tessa
* Bob Trescothick
* Mayrig

## Actors

* Benjamin Partridge
* Cariad Lloyd
* Mike Wozniak
* Elis James
* Mark Turetsky

## Synopsis

Bob appears with his fiance Tessa to announce their engagement, and admits the first thing he noticed was her milk-maid hands. Tessa said Bob is non-judgmental and a "Jesus figure", Bob claims he gained his humility by spending 10,000 hours up against a cow's arse. Believing that people in the beef and dairy industry should only date others within that industry, he found dating before Beef Encounters very difficult, and commented that ex-wives 1, 2, 4 and 6 forbade him from talking about his work, which lead to silence in the household, and was introduced as just a vet. Tessa understands Bob's needs and isn't disgusted by a cow's anus.

Bob is described as "extraordinarily attractive", and thus included a picture of a cow arse in his profile picture (specifically one that was in "quite a bad way") meaning only people accepting of his job would get in contact. Likewise, Bob is aware of the assumptions and prejudices around milk maids ("woke about the yoke"). Before Bob was looking for a more serious relationship, he visited the more casual dating apps such as Rump Roast, Meat Grinder and Milky Girls.

Bob's first date with Tessa was a beef walk, and they moved in together after 10 days. Tessa says Bob is so good in bed that she can't find the words, and he has been described previously as "exploratory", which may be because being an arse vet gives him a grit that others lack. Bob knew that he had found "the one" as, like an dermoid epididymal cyst, you study it but rarely see it for real - but you know it when you see it. To propose, he got down on one knee in the middle of a field of cows. Bob and Tessa are both looking forward to having children to help around the farm, and Bob would be very supportive if his son wanted to be a milk maid.

When the question of cynics is brought up, Bob and Tessa both deny they are rushing the relationship to win their weight in beef as being the first couple from Beef Encounters to marry, and the "haters" in question are a rival couple, the female of which Bob has slept with.

On discussing wedding plans - it's Bob's seventh - Bob and Tessa speak about the 48 hour embrace so Bob gains Tessa's pox immunity, and how Tessa will be carrying a beef and bacon bouquet. Bob will have a stag the night before the wedding with his colleagues, and when Tessa says he will have 6 pints of milk when he gets home he reveals he doesn't really like milk and would rather drink fizzy beef wine. This triggers an argument and Tessa storms out after Bob mentions his ex-wife Susan will also be drinking fizzy beef wine - Bob was married to Susan for 12 years, with 2 children that Tessa doesn't know about. It is also revealed that Bob hasn't taken down his Beef Encounters profile and is receiving emoji and heart filled texts from Susan.

Following the interview, Bob and Tessa's wedding is postponed.