Towers Mail

These are the emails retrieved from the Towers Mail system at Ivory Towers Academy by the Facebook Group Hackers. The email login page has since been removed.

✉ Towers Mail - *Allways Secure™*

## **Delivery Today - Thu | 11**

**From Postal Posse to Dr. Eleanor Flount**

Dear Dr. flount,

Your package will be delivered between 11am and 11pm today. Please be there to receive your package to avoid redelivery fees.

Thank you for using Postal Posse!

**Postal Posse – Always Delivering**

## **Late Book - Thu | 11**

**From The Library to Margery Grint**

LATE FEES MAY INCUR

Dear Dr M. Grint, you have not returned your book

*Natural Born Leader: A Guide To Taking What You’re Owed by Greta L’Gover*

in the allotted time. Please return it by the end of this week to avoid incurring fees.

Thank you,

The Library

## **Staff Induction Thu | 11**

**From Harold Derringer to Boris Umklauten**

Nice work Bozzerito,

So we start Monday. Need you to swing by the Staff Induction tomorrow as I just CANNOT be bothered. I cannot.

Email me the whatevers or whatever.

Cheers!

Haz

## **PERSCRIPTION - Fri | 12**

**From Little Pharma to Dr. Eleanor Flount**

READY FOR COLLECTION

Dear Dr. flount,

Your prescription is now ready to collect from our main counter. Please come in to receive it as soon as possible.

Many thanks,

Carol (Little Pharma)

## **Induction notes - Fri | 12**

**From Boris Umklauten to Harold Derringer ​​**

Missed a trick Hazzo,

Some right fitties at the Staff Induction! Steph is a tech nerd but absolutely FIT AF my hairy Hazzer! Totes giving me the eyes as well. Gonna get all up in her nads and then what secrets will dwell at my fingertips? ALL OF THEM I BET.

Then we’ll see whose over whose big furry barrel. AMIRITE!

Induction notes attached.

Bozza

## **travel bursary - Sat | 13**

From **Katya W to Barbara Horowitz**

Ms. Horowitz,

could you pplease advise me on how to apply for a bursary for travel expenses?

Katya

## **Lecture - Sun | 14**

**From Bethany K to Hemmingway Bitcoin**

Hi, i wont be able to make tomorrow’s lecture as i have a doctors appointment. Please can u send me the notes.

Thanks, bethany

## **Dorm - Sun | 14**

**From Felicity Forthington to Barbara Horowitz**

Dear Ms. Horowitz,

In my application, I asked for a Premium dorm to be shared ONLY with my best friend Tatianna. Much to my surprise, when I arrived on campus I was sent to a 6-person shared dorm, and the wallpaper, kitchen and bathrooms are absolutely grotbags! I am developing social anxiety from living with 6 rando povvos. I can’t be expected to study and flourish under these conditions. Therefore I am asking for an immediate transfer to my original choice of dorm.

Thanks!

Felicity

## **Dorm - Sun | 14**

**From Tatianna to Barbara Horowitz**

Dear Ms. Horowitz,

In my application, I requested a Premium dorm to be shared only with my best friend Felicity. However when I arrived on campus I was sent to a 6-person shared dorm, and the decor and facilities are absolutely grotbags! I believe I am developing social anxiety from living with 6 rando povvos. I simply cannot be forced to endure these conditions AND complete my studies. Therefore I request an immediate transfer to my original choice of dorm.

Thanks!

Tatianna

## **Miracle Cream™ - Sun | 14**

**From OneCor to Barbara Horowitz**

Your shield Against the deformities of ageing.

Introducing Miracle Cream™…

the world’s most sophisticated face and body treatment for skin cell replenishment.

In consumer tests, daily use of Miracle Cream™ has been clinically proven to not only outperform competitor skincare brands, but actively pause – and in many cases reverse – the unsightly drying and wrinkling effects associated with the ageing process.

*“The positive effects of Miracle Cream™ are quick, incredible and life-changing. Maintaining a fresh and youthful appearance is essential for any successful professional and Miracle Cream™ achieves that and more. Application has become part of my daily routine, just as I could never imagine starting the day without a shower and protein shake, I could now never imagine not shielding up!”*

## **Re: Induction notes Mon | 15**

**From Harold Derringer to Boris Umklauten**

You attached nothing Boz. I can’t print, can’t eat at the sodding Canteen, my keycard locked me out this morning and that NERDESS from AMI studies pissed herself laughing at me. SORT IT OUT!

Haz

## **RE: forgot Password ❤️ - Mon | 15**

**From Boris Umklauten to Everyone**

Oh Steph-Babes!

Your skills as ever astound me! You’re a life saver. Have you ever thought of jacking in all this lame nerd stuff to be a trophy wife on my yacht? You’d be epic at organising dinner parties and games of croquet, plus I bet you look FIT AF in a thong (Jokes bebs, don’t report me LOL!)

Howsabout a big pink fluffy cock…TAIL this Fri at Zodiac Disco? I fancy slumming it.

Keep your sweet ass tight,

Bozzerino

> **–** **RE: forgot Password ❤️**
>
>

> Boris
>
>

> Your password is still
>
>

> kingbozzo69
>
>

> S
>
>

> **– forgot Password ❤️**
>
>

> Hey Sweets,
>
>

> How’s life as the Hottest Nerd on Campus? (Jokes, lol)
>
>

> SO listen, had a mad sesh the other day (actually invited you babes, you prbs didn’t get the Whatsapp?! Was a mad one, lol!) and woke up a bit late for work.
>
>

> Thing is, I really need the old Secret Code for my email again QUICK AF or I have no flicking clue what my first lecture/meeting/whatevs is today!
>
>

> Babes, you know how it is! We’re both young and hot and super clever amirite? Just living our best lives. So help a brother out? And there might be a Happy Hour cocktail or three in it for you with
>
>

> Yours Truly
>
>

> Boris (Bozza, Da Bozz-Man, Am I Bozza’d) Umklauten
>
>

## **Trip Form - Mon | 15**

**From Dan L to Barbara Horowitz**

Hi Ms. Horowitz,

can I please request a digital copy of the form for the trip next month, as I have lost my original copy.

Thanks,

Dan

## **Security Breach - Tue | 16**

**From Steph Bartlett to Everyone**

Hi All

Noticed a lot more traffic than usual on the network last two days

Suspect staff accounts may have been illicitly accessed

As a security measure would you please reset your passwords

x

S

## **ffs - Tue |16**

**From Harold Derringer to Boris Umklauten**

Boz

Your bird says I gotta change my sodding password!

NO idea how… I need those notes you TOTAL spaz

Harry

### Hi Eleanor,

Welcome to another issue of the Momentary Bliss Newsletter.

Dear Blissers,

I am so overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and Bliss that has surrounded me these last few weeks. The applications to Premium membership and my Elite have been a source of great Bliss to me.

I am also so pleased to announce that I am finally heading back out on the road with my new series of LIVE EVENTS!

I will be at Ivory Towers Academy on Friday the 2nd of August 2019 for one of my TRANSFORMATIVE live events! There you will see first hand the power of a Blissful lifestyle.

I have been told that the demand for tickets has been outstanding and we have already reached capacity, but they are planning on upgrading us to the largest suite available in the Academy (I don’t know why they didn’t do that in the first place, but you live and learn) so there is the possibility of more spaces becoming available. Make sure to check their website and mrbliss.guru for any updates.

For those of you who were able to get tickets, I will see you there, I can’t wait to meet you all and sign your Signeture Bliss Tees.

For those of you who didn’t manage to get tickets, don’t despair, as I will be appearing at the NO TOMORROW Conference at Paradise Heights this year and will be speaking as part of their series of events, so there will still be time to get your Bliss Fix!

Thank you for spreading the word of Bliss. Please continue to do so as we venture closer to the annual Fair.

Have a Blissful Day.

x

Maurice

@mrblissofficial | mrbliss.guru

## **💰💰💰 - Tue | 16**

**From Beni Benson to Margery Grint**

The Secret Is Out.

Want To Know How To Make Money?

Hi I’m Beni Benson, I’m a millionaire and Paridisian Pioneer.

Want to know how I made it?

## **Premium Dorm - Wed | 17**

**From Charles Forthington to Barbara Horowitz**

Ms. Horowitz,

Concerning my daughter Felicity. We requested she receive a Premium dorm, this was apparently ignored, and she has been assigned a dorm completely unfitting of her status and delicate temperament. I request you transfer her to the originally stated Premium dorm immediately. If you do not comply, I will, regrettably, instruct my council to begin proceedings against you.

I remain,

Charles Henry Forthington Snr

## **Trip - Fri | 19**

**From Maurice Bliss to Hemmingway Bitcoin**

My Dearest Hemingway,

I cannot wait for our trip away. It will be Blissful, I have no doubt.

I wanted to respond to your previous message about getting you on board with my latest venture.

I can confirm that I can make that possible as long as a significant part of your newly acquired grant goes towards certain ‘renovations’ in Paradise Heights.

If that suits you, I look forward to welcoming you.

Don’t forget to pack your swimming trunks!

Have a Blissful Day.

x

Maurice.

## **OMFG - Sat | 20**

**From Harold Derringer to Boris Umklauten**

Bozzo!!!

Manage to get Fit Steph to look at you since the FAIL? LMFAO 😂😂😂

Anyway, check this out @ISawTheLastTree – you’ll never guess who it is…

It’s only Fat John from school!

Looks like he still talks PURE bollocks eh? No surprise he’s a tramp on a bench now LOL 😂😂😂

Itching to post his old school photo to the account, trying to find our old class portraits, don’t suppose you still have any kicking about?

Da Haz Man

## **Cover - Mon | 29**

**From Margery Grint to Barbara Horowitz**

Barbara

Please arrange cover for me for Thursday 8th and Friday 9th

As I will be attending the notomorrow conference in PH!

M

## **FW: Your Booking Mon | 05**

From Steph Bartlett to Margery Grint

Margery

Seems this message got lost in our systems

Hope that’s not caused you to much trouble!

x

S

—

Dr. Grint

We are glad you have chosen to join us at Villa Avarice for and Exclusive Session as part of the No Tomorrow Conference

Your Booking Confirmation can be accessed via our website.

Please use reference ***REDACTED***

Villa Avarice