First Day At School

## Synopsis

The first day of school is a big deal for the whole family. Everyone is on edge, not knowing what to expect. All of the teenagers and children have a face-to-face interview with unseen faculty member Father Hentai in the school office to introduce themselves. Everyone gets the opportunity to display their own unique personalities, while all of the other male students crowd around the window to get a close-up look at the older teenage daughters from the hallway. Before J.R. can join his siblings, however, he is abruptly stopped because the older male students think that he's just trying to hover by the window as well to fawn over the girls. After a minor confrontation, J.R. is able to join his siblings in the office.

As far as the actual school day, the four older teenage daughters - as expected - immediately become targets of virtually every boy in the school. In an initially sincere effort to make some new friends, J.R. attempts a lame but well-intentioned tactic that Graham lectured him on, which - predictably - only makes everyone laugh at him. Soon, the boy meets two fellow students his own age. After again failing to succeed in heeding his father's advice, J.R. swiftly changes his tune to show everyone that he means business in making himself known.

Never one to back down from troubling situations, J.R. falsely reveals that Graham previously shot and killed a kid in New York "just to watch him die"; hence, the Lubbocks' re-location to from New York to California. The boy elaborates that authorities were about to catch his father, and that it was time for a change of scenery to "hide out on the lam". This erroneous information leads all the boys to take drastic action to shield themselves from associating with the four older teenage daughters - to avoid incurring Graham's wrath.

Almost as fast as they swooped in to woo the girls, the other male students immediately shun their intended targets. Out of fear of crossing Graham, the boys also resort to politely treating their new teacher/coach like royalty, which he undoubtedly enjoys.

After school, J.R. persuades the two boys that he has befriended to come to his house, where they meet Elizabeth. Currently oblivious to what her son said at school, she graciously invites both Larry and Scott to stay for dinner, but they both hastily and nervously make up excuses to decline the offer because they are afraid of encountering Graham. Unwilling to put themselves in any further danger, the two boys quickly flee the house in panic.

One by one, everyone comes home from school, and individually provides details from their own perspectives of the shocking events that took place that day to Elizabeth. Graham is absolutely certain that he made a fool of himself, and vows to move the family back to New York. In good faith, Elizabeth thinks that they all need to just give it some time to get settled into their new environment.

Once the truth - inevitably - comes out about J.R.'s stunt, Graham demands that his son immediately recant his story, and then apologize to the whole school the very next day. In the end, everything ends up working out for everyone.

## Guest Appearances

*Jason Horst* as Larry
 *Michael Kenworthy* as Scott

## Memorable Quotes

**J.R.**: "*...just to watch him die.*"

--

**J.R.**: "*Things were getting too hot for us in New York, so my Dad said we had to move on...Go someplace where a killer could blend in with all the other weirdos...So here we are in California.*"

**Larry**: "*That makes sense! Yeah!*"

--

**Connie**: "*Wendy, what's it like to be so desperately shallow?*"

**Wendy**: "*It's not bad, actually.*"

--

**Wendy**: "*Do you know what I am thinking?*"

**Cindy**: "*Every boy at that window knows what you are thinking.*"

--

**Connie**: "*Guess who's having lunch with a boy?*"

**Wendy**: "*Guess who's having lunch with the wrestling team?*"

**Cindy**: *(walking by)* "*Has the marching band been by?*"

--

**J.R.**: *(politely holding out his hand)* "*Hi! I'm J.R. Lubbock, and I wanna be your friend.*"

## Trivia

* It is briefly revealed that the Lubbock teenagers & children interview with Father Buhai, who is never mentioned again, in the school office.
* First appearance of Jason Horst as Larry.
* Only appearance of Michael Kenworthy as Scott.
* Apparently, Jamie Luner had a cold while filming this episode, as she sounds quite nasally at times.
* Cindy's slip-of-the-tongue to say "wider" may be a subtle reference to the on-going storyline of her character needing to lose weight.

## Mistakes

### Plot Holes

* It is unclear why Father Hargis is not the person to interview the teenagers and children, as he's the headmaster of the school. Plus, Father Hentai is never mentioned again throughout the series.

### Revealing Errors

* After J.R.'s fake story about his father's criminal past - even if untrue - it would be expected that the staff and/or administration would have questioned Graham about such allegations. A strict Catholic school definitely wouldn't tolerate that type of behavior. In another episode, federal agents allegedly arrive to investigate a random frivolous claim against Graham. It is uncertain if these two incidents are related, or just coincidence.
* Cindy's "tongue-slip" during her interview could be a subtle dig at her alleged weight issue.