Rats

**Rats** is a parody of the SpongeBob episode "Ripped Pants" by Cmcgrath26.

## Transcript

* **Narrator:** Ah, ESB chat. A stinky page to you and me. But to the inhabitants of Bikini Bottom, a wonderful, stinky page. *[Cmc and Pen sit enjoying the chat. Cmc sighs]*
* **Cmcgrath26:** What a great day. *[he runs off]* Hey, Pen! Look! *[he is now covered in a mound of sand shaped like a ballpoint pen]* I'm Pen! *[Pen laughs. Cmc forms sand around his head and beard to look like Emen and imitates his voice]* Hey Pen, who am I? *[Pen still laughs. Cmc picks up a sand phone]* Hello, Cmcgrath26. Could you keep it down? I'm trying to be annoying. *[Pen continues laughing]*
* **Idroppedmypen:** Cmc! *[a doorbell rings, Cmc walks in carrying sand pizza boxes and wearing a sand moderator hat]*
* **Cmcgrath26:** Did anyone order twenty pepperoni and sand pizzas? *[Cmc and Pen laugh together. Louis walks up]*
* **Louis219:** Hey, Pen. Hey, Cmc.
* **Idroppedmypen:** Hey, Louis.
* **Louis219:** You guys wanna go spam some E?
* **Idroppedmypen:** Sure. *[she and Louis walk off]* Well come on, Cmc. *[Cmc's sand pizzas and hat fall flat as he walks on dejectedly]*
* **Cmcgrath26:** *[disappointingly]* Coming. *[Cut to a group of weightlifters, each grunting as they work out. Louis turns to Pen]*
* **Louis219:** Give it a try, Pen. *[Pen stands in front of an e. She picks it up, grunting as she does so. The crowd cheers for her, and she throws the weight down]*
* **Cmcgrath26:** Good job, Pen. Well, that's about enough for today, don't you think? *[Cmc tries to walk off]*
* **Louis219:** How about a little more e? *[Louis bends down to pick up two **capital** e's]* Observe. *[Louis grunts as he picks it up, his eyes bulging, and veins stick out from his neck. The crowd cheers, and Louis spams the e.]*
* **Cmcgrath26:** All right, stand back, everyone. *[Cmc picks up a single E from the ground. The crowd is silent. He sinks into the sand. Pen walks to a keyboard]*
* **Idroppedmypen:** Y'all watch this! *[Pen picks up an anchor weight. The crowd cheers for her, but stop when they realize Louis has spammed to the spectator seats (I don't know either)]* Way to go, Louis! *[Cmc burrows into the sand, and tunnels over to a user picnicking next to a grape sack]*
* **Cmcgrath26:** Could I borrow a couple of these?
* **SpungiBub:** *[through his grape-filled mouth]* Mm-hmm. *[crams another grape into his mouth. Cmc takes two grapes and places them on the e]*
* **Cmcgrath26:** And now, with the addition of two, count 'em, two grapes. *[Cmc preps himself for his lift, inhales deeply, takes hold of the e, and is unable to lift it. The crowd isn't moved. He tries again. And again. After a huge effort, Cmc hears a rat noise. He looks down and notices that he's become a rat. The crowd gasps, then laughs at Cmc. Cmc scuttles off, embarrassed. Mavnol walks over, laughing]*
* **Mavnol333:** That was too funny. *[he slaps Cmc on the back]* You are hilarious!
* **Idroppedmypen:** Ain't he the funniest little rat you ever saw? *[Cmc grins widely. Cut to Louis]*
* **Louis219:** Anybody up for some volleyball? *[the ball volleys back and forth, until Louis spikes it into some fish and the crowd cheers for him. Cmc looks at him in contempt. A fish serves the ball and as Louis is about to hit it, Cmc interferes]*
* **Cmcgrath26:** I got it! *[the ball falls and Cmc tries to serve it]* Incoming! *[the serve misses and the crowd boos. He bends down to pick the ball up and becomes a rat]* Oops, I guess I'm a rat again! *[the crowd laughs. Mavnol walks in laughing again]*
* **Mavnol333:** Once again, dude, *[he slaps Cmc on the back]* YOU have split my sides! *[he continues to laugh. Cut to a Frisbee. Louis catches it and throws it to Pen]*
* **Cmcgrath26:** Hey, Pen, how about throwing it to me?
* **Idroppedmypen:** Okay, here it comes! *[Cmc stands still and lets the Frisbee hit him on the head, knocking him over]*
* **Cmcgrath26:** I could use a hand here! *[he laughs. Pen walks over and helps him up]*
* **Idroppedmypen:** You okay, Cmc?
* **Cmcgrath26:** I guess so... *[he does a handstand, revealing a picture of a rat]* ...except I'm a rat! *[the crowd laughs, and Mavnol walks up to Cmc once again]*
* **Mavnol333:** You still got it, dude! *[he slaps Cmc on the back again. Cut to Cmc and Pen walking to an ice cream vendor]*
* **Doctor Patrick:** May I help you?
* **Cmcgrath26:** I'll take a butter pecan.
* **Doctor Patrick:** Uh, we don't have that.
* **Cmcgrath26:** That's okay. I already have a butter-rat pecan! Get it? *[Pen giggles]*
* **Doctor Patrick:** *[annoyed]* Tee-hee. Anything else?
* **Cmcgrath26:** How about rat-berry ripple? *[he does so, Pen giggles again]* No, thanks, already got one! *[Pen drops laughing, Doc is unamused, and Cmc happily bounces off to a snack bar. Cmc runs up to Carl, knocking his bowl of nuts over]* Is that nuts you're eating?
* **CarlTheManager:** Why, yes, it is.
* **Cmcgrath26:** You know what would go good with that?
* **CarlTheManager:** No, what?
* **Cmcgrath26:** *[whispers]* A... rat. *[Cmc smiles widely and shows the annoyed Carl a picture of a rat. Cmc then runs around the snack bar, laughing. He comes up in-between two fish]* Rats a la mode! *[he becomes a rat, the users are annoyed. Cut to Cmc being in the kitchen of the snack bar, next to the fry cook]* Delivery! Did you order twenty cases of rats? *[Cmc shoves his behind through the box, revealing a rat. He laughs and the box is revealed to have no lower part. The fry cook groans disgustedly. Cut to a broadcasting booth over looking the chat]*
* **Anthony2306:** Surf's up in the chat. *[fish are surfing. Close-up of Anthony]* And here comes Louis, doing his trademark lay-back. *[cut to Louis lying on his surfboard]* There goes Pen, hanging ten... fingers, that is. *[cut to Pen doing a handstand on her surfboard]* There goes Cmc... *[rip]* becoming a rat again. *[Anthony is annoyed, then cut to Cmc being a rat on his surfboard. A wave knocks Cmc off his surfboard and washes him up on the brig]*
* **PlanKrab:** Hey, look! A Mickey Mouse toy got sent to the brig. *[he takes a closer look through his telescope]* Holy fish paste! It's a guy! *[he sprints over to Cmc and flips him over]* Why?! Why?! Why?! *[a crowd gathers around Cmc and PlanKrab]*
* **Idroppedmypen:** Cmc!
* **Cmcgrath26:** *[to PlanKrab]* Come closer. *[a divine light shines on him]* I need... I need...
* **PlanKrab:** What do you need? *[tears come to the lifeguard's and Pen's eyes]*
* **Cmcgrath26:** *[pats PlanKrab on the shoulder. Close up of Cmc's mouth]* seeds. *[the light turns off, accompanied by a light switch]* Because I'm a rat! *[he laughs. The lifeguard makes an annoyed expression, drops Cmc, and the crowd surrounding him walks off, angrily. Cmc is left alone and Pen walks up to him angry]*
* **Idroppedmypen:** That wasn't funny, Cmc! Y'all had me worried sick! *[she walks off. Mavnol walks towards Cmc and looks at him sadly]*
* **Mavnol333:** *[he shakes his head]* Bruh... *[he walks off. Cut to The Cmc Wiki, with Cmc inside]*
* **Cmcgrath26:** *[thinking]* Come on, Cmc, you're losing them! Think! Your public's waiting. *[speaking]* Let's see... *[checking them off a list]* "Spamming E - big laugh," "Frisbee in face - kills," "Surfing - knocks 'em dead," "Pretending to be banned," *[he uses his pencil to write the word "NO" and circle it]* No. Come on, think! I got it! Hey, everybody! *[he runs out of the dressing tent]* Not being a rat! *[he tears his pants off]* Being a MOUSE. Huh? Someone call the police. There's a rat thief on the loose! *[the wind howls, Cmc standing alone in the chat. A tumbleweed rolls by. Cmc turns and hears party music at a distance, and sees everyone in EESB chat.]* Oh, no, everybody's gone, even Pen. She'd rather hang out with Louis! Oh, no. *[lies in the char as he continues saying, no]* We blew it, rats. *[throws a rat aside]*
* **Rat:** What do you mean, "we?" *[the rat walks off, leaving Cmc alone]*
* **Cmcgrath26:** Oh, I didn't have to be a fool to get users' attention. Am I the biggest loser in the chat?! *[Alt walks up to Cmc, shining red]*
* **AlternativeHuman93:** No, I am. I fed a troll by reporting them and got banned.
* **Cmcgrath26:** Ouch. *[a user walks up to the two]*
* **GoldenSpongebob:** No, I am. I spammed inappropriate pictures in PM. *[he shows them two censored pictures of dogs. There is a rumbling coming from the sand and the one with grapes pops his head out of the sand]*
* **SpungiBub:** No, I'm the biggest loser on the chat. I didn't mind the caps.
* **All:** What happened to you?
* **Cmcgrath26:** I lost my best friend.
* **All:** How? *[Cmc grabs a sand guitar and sings]*
* **Cmcgrath26:** When I was... a rat. *[he starts to sing]* I thought that I had every user by my side, but I went and blew it all sky-high, and now she won't even spare a passing glance, all just because I made rat jokes. *[the other three "losers of the chat" assemble on a sand stage with sand instruments and sing]*
* **All:** ♪When big Louis came round just to put him down, Cmc turned into a clown, and no user ever wants to joke with a fool who went and *[Jennifer turns around and suddenly, her bottom then rips, splitting open, revealing her white underwear]* made a rat joke!♪
* **Cmcgrath26:** *[singing voice, a crowd begins to gather]* ♪I know I shouldn't mope around, I shouldn't curse, but the pain feels so much worse. 'Cause winding up with no one is a lot less rad than a ban from the chat...♪
* **All:** ♪Or to not mind the caps!♪ *[instrumental break. The curtain shows waves crashing about]*
* **Cmc:** ♪Now I learned a lesson I won't soon forget... so listen and you won't regret. Be true to yourself; don't miss your chance... and you won't end up like the fool... who... was... a... rat!♪ *[the whole group comes together one by one in sync with the music and they rip their become rats. By now, a huge crowd has gathered and is cheering the group onstage. A blimp flies by with "CMCGRATH26" on it. It's revealed that Cmc and his band were having a concert.]*
* **Idroppedmypen:** Cmc!
* **Cmcgrath26:** Pen! *[she gets onstage and hugs Cmc. He returns the embrace]*
* **Idroppedmypen:** Your song is true. If y'all want to be my friend, just be yourself. *[Louis walks up]*
* **Louis219:** *[impressed with Cmc's singing during the big concert]* Cmc, that was so righteous. *[hands Cmc a pencil]* Would you... sign my picture of a rat?
* **Cmcgrath26:** Absolutely, buddy. *[Cmc bends over to sign Louis' picture of a rat. His rat mask rips off completely, leaving Cmc "au naturel." Someone off-screen whistles. Cmc covers himself, grins, and blushes sheepishly]*