Digging it Down to the Ground

Charlie Ant is Going somewhere underground.

## Transcript

* *[opens with Charlie Ant using a giant mining drill powered by him on a stationary bicycle. Linus is on a screen on the inside]*
* **Charlie Ant:** I knew this boy would come in handy.
* **Linus:** Uh-huh.
* **Charlie Ant:** Turn on the navigation system, kid! Let's get this show on the road!
* **Linus:** Dig 50 meters, then turn right.
* *[He does so, digging straight down and then turning at a 90-degree angle]*
* **Charlie Ant:** Heh, heh, heh, at this rate, we'll have some treasure before you can say...
* *[The machine is stopped by a giant boulder]*
* **Charlie Ant:** Oh Dear! Now what?
* **Linus:** It appears that we've stumbled into a mishap. Now, we're stuck between a rock and a hard place... literally.
* **Charlie Ant:** Well, let's just dig deeper and go around it!
* **Linus:** Uh, the only problem with that is...
* **Charlie Ant:** Shh! Can't you see I'm concentrating? *[He starts to go under and around the rock]* Yes! You see what happens when you let me make my own decisions? Now, maybe we'll get somewh- *[Scream]* *[The drill goes through the roof of a subterranean cavern and they fall into a completely-enclosed underground cave. The miner lands in an underground river and Charlie Ant comes out the exhaust pipe]* What happened? *[Linus appears on his mobile base]*
* **Linus:** Well, right before you started making your own decisions, I was about to say we were digging right above an underground cave! *[He shows a diagram on his monitor— The cave is like an underground rock bowl, with no exits except the tunnel the drill made through the top of the "roof". Charlie Ant looks around at the river flowing through it, the dark bluish-gray stalactites dripping with water. A waterfall runs out the upper side of a cave rock "wall"]*
* **Charlie Ant:** The majesty! I've never seen such beauty. It's just a shame no one else can see it!
* **Linus:** Charlie Ant! I think I have an idea—we'll bring visitors underground with this gorgeous scenery.
* **Charlie Ant:** Yeah! That's What I've Been Thinking! Man, I'm good! *[Growling comes from another cave attached to this one]* Cave dwellers! *[Big, hairy orange creatures with brown hair, sharp tusks and green lips come out of a cave. Charlie Ant pulls out a whip and whips them into submission. They all sadly huddle in a corner]* Back! That's better. From now on, you shall be my minions— servants to follow my every order! I decree this kingdom to be called the Charlie Caverns! And may the people shudder in awe of its Majesty! *[Later, People crowd in. In Charlie Caverns, there are tables like the ones at the Chum Bucket all around an eating area, divided off by the river, and a great view of the waterfall. A Menu, Gift Shop, and bridge placed on the the river is also added.]*
* **Cave Dweller #1:** Mammy!
* **Charlie Brown:** Aaugh, this stuff is hideously inedible, but the decor is so amazing, I can't resist spending my money here!
* **Cave Dweller #1:** Ta-Ta!
* **Elmo:** 2 orders of Corn Sticks, please!
* **Cave Dweller #1:** OK!
* **Elmo:** That certainly is cool! And such steamy stone age deserves recompense!
* **Charlie Ant:** Oh, I'll take that! *[Elmo happily hands Charlie Ant some money]* Eat your blueberries out of the Aardvark! *[He hops over to his register, stuffed and overflowing with money]* I'm even profiting off of your most loyal ally! I'm running out of space for this stuff! Got an empty safe I can borrow, Aardvark? *[Charlie Ant laughs coldly]* But seriously, this is getting really heavy.
* *[Falls under the weight of all his money. The Pink Panther sits at a table licking a pink swirly lollipop when Elmo joins him]*
* **Elmo:** Lion, isn't this place amazing? Here are your Corn Nuggets. *[Alex him a Watermelon Popsicle stick]* Um, I guess you don't come down here for the food, anyways. You come down for the subterranean splendor of the Charlie Caverns!
* **Alex:** That, and the gift shop.
* **Elmo:** Oh, that's right, Lion! The gift shop! *[They run into the Gift Shop with windows and glass doors carved out of the rock wall, laughing. Inside, as shown through the windows, are stalagmites, gems, shells and other cave rocks, as well as other trinkets typical to a regular gift shop. Later, Elmo walks up to Big Bird with a rubber stalagmite hat merged with a mining helmet on]*
* **Elmo:** Yay! I've got cavern fever!
* **The Blue Aardvark:** Where have you been, and what is that ridiculous thing on your head?
* Elmo**:** It's a "stalagmiter," available exclusively at the Charlie Ant Caverns Gift Shop.
* **The Blue Aardvark:** How dare you visit my arch-rival! Charlie Ant's really cleaning up down there, which means it's time to start running into the ground.
* *[Cut to Charlie Ant, serving up an order in Charlie Caverns]*
* **Charlie Ant:** Another order of potatoballs! *[The entire cave shakes and rumbles, and cracks form in one of the walls]* Huh?
* *[The Aardvark bursts through with a jackhammer]*
* **Charlie Ant:** *[Gasps]* Aardvark! What are you doing here?
* **Blue Aardvark:** I'm here to destroy you, with the savory flavor of the Aardvarks! *[He moves a slice of watermelon back and forth before their eyes, and they drool and their heads follow it like a dog]* Now, go get it! *[Motions to Elmo, who is manning a pizza stand vendor labelled "The Pink Pizza". All of the customers rush over]*
* **Charlie Ant:** Aardvark, you can't just slither down here and steal all my customers! It's unethical!
* **Blue Aardvark:** Unethical? This is perfectly legit! I call all building rights under my restaurant!
* **Charlie Ant:** Aaugh! He called it! He always was good with legal jargon. *[Charlie Ant jumps onto his drill from earlier]* Alright, if you think it's fair to undercut my business, then I'm gonna undercut you! *[Charlie Ant digs underneath Blue Aardvark, which causes the ground Blue Aardvark is standing on to crumble, and him to fall a story down]*
* **Charlie Ant:** Heh, heh, heh! How does it feel, Kid? Being in the hole, so to speak. Not well, I'd imagine. Now hold still so I can bury you.
* **Blue Aardvark:** Not if I bury you first! *[He tunnels under Charlie Ant with his jackhammer, so the chunk of rock Charlie Ant's on falls, too. The customers and Elmo watch, all wearing the stalagmite hats]*
* **Charlie Ant:** Fine, have it your way! *[Each constantly tunnel under each other, a spoof the the arcade game, "Dig Dug", until they fall into a very deep tunnel, and rocks seal it up. Blue Aardvark' gasps echo throughout the crevice]*
* **Blue Aardvark:** We're trapped! Trapped, I tell you!
* **Charlie Ant:** This is all your fault! I oughta boil and butter you for this!
* **Blue Aardvark:** Charlie Ant, I don't think you grasp the severity of our situation. We're trapped down here. As in, ***THERE IS NO WAY OUT!!!***
* **Charlie Ant:** Ha! There may be no way out for you, Kid, but you needn't worry about me! My diminutive stature allows me to slip through rubble with ease. *[He tries to slip between some gravel, but cannot because they are too heavy]* I can't make it. We're doomed!
* **Blue Aardvark:** Uh-huh. That's what I've been trying to tell you. Say, Ant, say we get out of here without lives, let's agree to work together.
* **Charlie Ant:** You're right, Kid. Let's bury the hatchet now and forever!
* **Blue Aardvark:** We have a deal. No more bickering.
* **Charlie Ant:** No more skulduggery of any kind. *[They shake on it, and hear a rumbling sound from above]*
* **Blue Aardvark:** Hang on a minute, don't you hear that? *[Elmo breaks through the top with a jackhammer]*
* **Elmo:** Surprise!
* **Blue Aardvark:** Woo-hoo! You found us! I oughta pay you for this!
* **Elmo:** Or, just pay me for the job I already do!
* **Blue Aardvark:** Hey, Charlie Ant, we're free!
* **Blue Aardvark:** Where'd he go? *[Charlie Ant is running up the tunnel with the jackhammer]*
* **Charlie Ant:** I'm way ahead of you, Kid!
* **Blue Aardvark:** You better not be trying to steal my food!
* **Charlie Ant:** I am, and I will!
* **Blue Aardvark:** But what about our deal?
* **Charlie Ant:** What? We're still working together, come on! You're helping me steal your food! *[He tunnels up and resurfaces on the other side of the Pink Pizza]*
* **Blue Aardvark:** That's it. Just wait 'till I get me claws on your... *[Charlie Ant arrives at the top]*
* **Charlie Ant:** Winner! Now time to get that food!
* **Charlie Brown:** Good Grief.
* **Linus:** Good Thing you have cereal.