The Legal World: Pastry Wars

"*And now, in the name of all that is cupcakes, I shalt prepare myself for this holy war!*"
—Lacy
**The Legal World: Pastry Wars** is an epic Crackland RP that parodies classic video game tropes while using pastries as weapons. The post was initially not meant for roleplay, which makes it even more amazing that it evolved into quite a memorable one.

## Synopsis

Ema makes a post complaining about people who say "beauty is on the inside," and Deems agrees, until Andreea mentions that cakes with gooey chocolate centers are more beautiful on the inside. Deems sides with Andreea and, hungry, they decide to raid Edwin Case's pastry shop.

With gusto, Edwin calls for Lacy's aid, and she joins after hearing Deems claim that he was "better than her, just because [he's] a judge." Deems isn't intimidated by Lacy's call to arms, figuring that a "promoted" Judge would be more powerful than a Prosecutor (think *Fire Emblem*). This changes once he sees just how scary the Donut Launcher 4000 is. He tries to escape, but a donut whizzing by him at 70 MPH cuts him off. It grazes—as well as glazes—his hair slightly, which causes him to break into tears.

The next donut hits him in the ribcage and he tries to throw it back, only to realize his strength stat was incredibly weak. It is then that he realizes he must've been promoted to Judge at level 10, which meant he missed out on a lot of level up stat boosts as a Prosecutor. Lacy then declares she's a level 30 Prosecutor, much to Deems' horror.

Unable to come up with any other explanation as to why he was so weak, Deems figures he must have had a "shit ton of charm points," and decides to use that to his advantage. Getting up, he unzips his fly and tries to flirt with Lacy, asking her to stop firing donuts at him so he can "fire something at [her] instead~."

Surprisingly, this almost works, but Lacy's "Professionalism" skill prevents her from being charmed. To make matters worse, Deems' "Pastry Whore" skill made charming twice as effective against pastries, but only a quarter effective against everything else.

This is when a Level 75 Gunner randomly shows up. Deems begs for him to side with him and when that doesn't work, he tries to charm him. Which also fails.

Edwin, fearing the Gunner, asks Deems to sacrifice himself to the Gunner while they launch pastries at him, but he refuses, saying he was already strangled to death once in another RP that same day.

Instead, Edwin starts chanting an ancient donut-summoning ritual, which forms a giant ever-growing-donut above him. Deems begs the Gunner to save him, only to be used as a bullet to be thrown at the donut.

Strangely, the donut liquifies and turns into a cupcake—The Lacy, to be exact—and continues to grow larger. Deems harmlessly bounces off the cupcake, onto the ground.

Realizing his bullets are ineffective, the Gunner decides to escape, but Edwin gives chase, using his "Jelly Boots" ability to fly in the air. On his way, he grabs onto Deems and throws him at the man, but misses.

Having no other choice, Edwin finally unleashes his Final Smash, and The Lacy—now the size of a small mansion—starts firing cupcakes at the Gunner, but he dodges because...Godmodding.

Edwin/Lacy's RPer deletes his comment, saltiness ensues, and the RP abruptly ends.

Months later, Elisebeth stumbles on the RP on September 28th and says it was one of the greatest RPs they ever did. More saltiness from the Gunner ensues.

On May 22nd, Elisebeth comments that it's "still one of the best RPs [she's] been in." More saltiness from the Gunner.

## Quotes

" *Heh, as if a prosecutor of all things could be good at putting up a "defense."*"
—Deems Mendel

"*WE SHALL FIGHT FOR YOUR HONOR, YOUR CUPCAKES, and my bakery... Yeah, that's important too. ﻿*"
—Edwin knows what really matters

"*H-Hey, baby~! How about you stop firing donuts at me, and let me fire something at you instead~?*"
—Deems flirting with Lacy

"*Grab the pastries! Grab as many as you can and stuff them into your "inventory"—also known as "your stomach." THE MORE PASTRIES WE EAT, THE LESS POWERFUL THOSE TWO FIENDS BECOME! ...Or at least they'll lose a lot of money.﻿*"
—Deems' master plan to stop Edwin and Lacy

"*WHAT?! AS A SACRIFICE?! NO WAY! I'VE ALREADY BEEN STRANGLED TO DEATH IN ONE ROLEPLAY TODAY, AND ONCE IS ENOUGH FOR ME!*"
—Poor Deems

"*May the spirits of all that is thy holy Pastrieness, lend me your power. Allow me to borrow thine strength.*"
—Edwin's chant