267: Mo’s Riding Steed on the Lake in My Dreams

## Summary

The Grand Staircase collapses from under Gwen and her dive for Raphina's stone cup comes up short, sending her plummeting towards the ground. She is saved when she unexpectedly sprouts spectral gem wings, and when Will casts *Fly* on the others, they all swoop to safety, dodging the staircase debris. Gorbis appears, wearing the tell-tale red boots of Ricardo Ulysses, before being whisked away at supersonic speed by a hippogriff, so the party descend to ground level where they turn their attention to checking their belongings and helping the injured. They decide to try and obtain the dean's key, but find the university closed, awaiting *"new exciting classes"* so instead they take a stack of free drink passes and head towards the *Hands & Fingers* "puppet theatre".

## Synopsis

Gwen's amethyst talons scrape down the side of the curved stone cup, her grip slips and she falls, surrounded by pieces of staircase falling alongside her. Debris starts to pummel down on top of the cup where Will, Batthwack and Raphina are sheltering. *"Will!"* barks Raphina commandingly. *"Okay, fine, but I'm gonna get killed by the stairs,"* says Will as he slips out of the cup, somehow avoiding being struck by any of the flying wreckage and speeds down towards Gwen as fast as he can.

Will is still around 50 feet above Gwen when he suddenly sees an array of gems around Gwen's body form into spectral wings on her back and she begins to fly. Her descent slows dramatically, and a piece of staircase banister smacks into her, sending her tumbling briefly before she manages to soar clear the falling wreckage. Will's first thought is annoyance at the fact he nearly killed himself for nothing and Gwen sounds a little distraught as she replies *"I honestly don't know what's going on, okay?"* Will's loud complaining continues and he's shocked when Gwen telepathically tells him he doesn't need to shout.

Back in the cup, Batthwack is strangely distracted by the smoothness of Raphina's stone construction. *"Will you please focus on what's happening?"* shouts Raphina irritatedly. Falling debris starts to pepper the entrance of their hideout and Batthwack is clocked right on the head by a chunk of staircase. Despite being somewhat stunned by this, he still feels bad about having *Eldritch Blasted* Raphina earlier, and he heals her.

Will and Gwen notice that the blazing top section of the staircase is about to land on them and Gwen wonders if Gorbis is amongst this wreckage or if he's already fallen somewhere below them. Will begins to *Eldritch Blast* the debris as it falls towards them and Batthwack joins in. Between them they're able to somewhat clear a column above them.

Will swoops over to the cup and casts *Fly* on Batthwack and Raphina, and on himself again. Raphina shouts *"Weeeeeee!"* and Batthwack whoops joyfully as the entire party take to the air. Gwen actually resembles a dragon as she flies, as opposed to Will and Batthwack who generally remain upright. Raphina, however, is utterly unique, her ponytails spinning as she zips about. Will begins blasting the cup and manages to free his *Immoveable Rod*, without getting hit by falling debris.

Gwen isn't feeling too good; partly she's worrying about Gorbis, but also she's pretty beaten up. In that moment she suddenly spots the halfling below them, but oddly, rather than falling, he's floating upwards instead, further out from the dam than the party are. He grins broadly and says *"I guess this year's race is a forfeit eh?"* Raphina's eagle eyes spot that he seems to be wearing a pair of thigh-high, red rubber boots. Then suddenly there's a blur over on their right, Gorbis tips them all a wink and before they really know what's happening, a hippogriff flies in at an unimaginable speed, catches Gorbis and carries him away.

Will knows this can only mean one thing, and he lets out a scream of anger and frustration. He immediately begins to check his pockets and then realises he should be *Eldritch Blasting* the receding halfling, but it's too late; he's already too far away. Raphina zooms after him, but it's clear there's no way she could catch him, so quickly gives up. Will has the strongest sense that something is missing from his belongings but he can't work out what it is. He tells the others to check their stuff, which Raphina does, and she's very sure she has everything. Batthwack left his pack at the hotel, but is relieved to discover he still has his suite key, and Gwen doesn't have much to her name anyway. Will Suddenly remembers the Prize key he took and goes hurriedly rooting around for it. It's still there.

Gwen's gets a sense that her ability to fly may not last much longer and she's really not feeling great, so they decide to head to the ground. Will offers to quickly do a patch-up job on Raphina's disguise using some paper and wine label glue he found in his pack, but Raphina refuses this and takes Gwen's hood instead.

Back down on the ground level it's a complete and utter mess, with the remnants of the entire 1600-foot high staircase piled high and wide, though fortunately it did collapse straight down, rather than tipping over into the Scarlet Market. People are already at work trying to make sure the injured are receiving help. Thankfully, it seems as though the general vicinity had already been vacated after the Arbiter fell. The racers had all already evacuated the stairs which will have helped minimise casualties. Batthwack goes and speaks to one of those giving assistance. They don't seem to know too much about what's been going on, except that the Arbiter had fallen and is buried somewhere under the rubble. It doesn't seem like the party missed anything going on at ground level while they were higher up. Will subtly reminds Batthwack that he already stole the key from the Arbiter's dead body, *"after she went el smasho on the ground."*

Gwen suffers another bout of *Rage*-regret and the rest of the group reassure her that she did the right thing, because those ibish were really unhinged and trying to hurt people. She's also sad that her date apparently turned out to be Ricardo Ulysses in disguise. Will is still feeling very perturbed by this feeling that Ricardo took something from him, but doesn't know what it is.

Will suggests they head to the university to retrieve the dean's key. Gwen suggests they should talk to him, but Will would rather just steal it. He says *"You should go get cleaned up and I'll just go get a hot dog or something. We'll see what happens. Maybe I'll come back with the key. Maybe not,"* and as he says this, a gust of wind blows through this plaza of destruction and catches a stack of papers sitting in a half-collapsed booth. One of the sheets flips off the stack and smacks Will in the face. They're free drink passes for the *Hands & Fingers* puppet theatre show this evening, and the group recall that they were told that the theatre is a front for a strip club. The thought of free drinks reminds Will to check his money, which he finds is safely stowed away as normal. He begins to methodically go through all this items: his contract with Batthwack, his letter from Vera, his pencil, Madelyn's Locket... all are there. This is really starting to play on his mind and recalling all the legends told about Ricardo, he wonders if his underwear has somehow been stolen right off of him. Batthwack winds him up by saying things like *"Will, where are your shoes?"* and *""Will, where are your shoe laces?"* Eventually Will just gives up and says *"Free drinks... Anyone here low enough to accept a free drink? I'm gonna pay."* Gwen says she's not above a free drink; they used to have free drink nights at the Roladexaroonie when trying to get new customers in.

Will asks her about her new wings, which have now disappeared, and Gwen embarrassedly has to admit she has no idea where they can from, in fact she'd hoped the others might know what was going on with there. Will waves his hand dismissively and says it's probably a depraved god. Gwen looks upset and she is still pretty beaten up, so Will changes the subject back to the free drinks, but it's still very early in the day, so it's suggested they head to the university first. Gwen uses her *Healing Light* ability to heal the majority of her wounds, and the wonderful smell of coconut candy apple is released into the air. Raphina casts *Prayer of Healing* on the entire group and Gwen finds herself back to full health, though she's still holding back the tears.

Will feels that the Sooty Gang might be after the keys; that could be why they attacked the race. They have one of the keys already. Gwen agrees; reminding everyone that the dean has said the Sooty Gang were causing problems being around the university. Suddenly feeling really concerned for the dean's safety, she immediately begins heading off in that direction without waiting for the others. Batthwack wants to help with the relief effort at the dam and hovers over the scene looking for survivors. Gwen realises that she is also needed here and stays to help too, as does Raphina. While they're busy and distracted, Will starts to sneak away. He really can't be doing with any niceties; he just wants to take the dean's key and then they won't have to worry about it.

Will is just about to leave, when everyone's green racing jerseys suddenly remind him of Sheemie. They completely lost him during the race. He scours the square and it doesn't take long to spot him over on the other side, casually coming around the corner, still wearing his racing bib. Will notices Sheemie's holding something which he's eating and he has something unusual on his head. He sees Will and gives a big energetic wave. Will realises he'll have to abandon his plan now and goes over to Sheemie, who it turns out is eating a huge pickle on a stick. He's also wearing a novelty hat with a scale model of a section of the Grand Staircase on it.

Will remembers to verify Sheemie's identify by prompting him for his codename, which he gives as either "Falcon" or Shark". The two of them can't actually remember who's name was who's. Sheemie seems fairly clueless about what happened with the staircase, and says he got distracted when he saw the hat, which he "refurbished" as a present for Raphina. Will tells him about Gwen's wings and Ricardo's appearance and that he's convinced something of his is missing, and it's not his shoes. Sheemie says *"Your shoes are there but what happened to your ankle?"* Looking down and lifting his pant leg, Will sees that from his ankle to halfway up his calf has completely vanished, in fact it appears that his foot has also disappeared leaving an empty shoe. Will stomps his foot and finds he can still feel it alright. He slides his pant leg back down and does his best to pretend like that didn't happen. Looking slightly ill, Will takes Sheemie over to regroup with the others.

Sheemie learns about Gwen's *Rage*-fuelled disemboweling and Batthwack's friendly-fire incident. Raphina also proudly demonstrates her flying. Sheemie gives her the hat. *"Oh this is so much fun, but it's also tragic,"* she says. She puts the hat on and pulls Gwen's cape and hood over the top of it. Feeling bad that she didn't get him anything, she gives him a piece of splintered staircase from the ground. They talk about going to the university next and Sheemie reminds them that they were supposed to be recruiting strippers for new university courses, which they might find at *Hands & Fingers*.

The group head away from the devastation of the Scarlet Market and through the city, noting that there is definitely an air of concern amongst the city folk. It's also apparent that there are no town guard around at all. Will particularly is amazed that no-one of any official capacity seems to be taking charge of the situation. Gwen feels like they should get Hilula, but Will disagrees of course. *"I think the fewer guards around, the better!"* he says. Gwen suggests that the people in the city they've spoken to so far about the serial killer, don't actually seem to be all that worried about it. Will says that law enforcers just make everything more complicated, and Sheemie points out that they wouldn't have looked on Gwen's *Rage* killing too favourably. *"He told me to!"* says Gwen.

The party arrive at Beartoggle University, only to find the gates closed and locked with a padlocked chain. There's a sign up outside that says *"University temporarily closed. Restructuring of classes and course load. New exciting classes coming soon. Stay posted."* Will offers to *Fly* around the building to check the dean's not in there, but Gwen's worried he'll do something illegal. Will grabs a student passer-by and asks if she knows where the dean lives. She doesn't, and says *"Well I took a couple courses in economics, but it didn't make much sense."* Will tells her that the university's main courses now are cooking and stripping, but she's slightly confused by this. Gwen begins twerking by way of explanation and the student's mind is utterly blown, in fact, it's so impressive that the entire group forgets what they were talking about and just stares. When Gwen finally stops, she turns around to see everyone standing slack-jawed. *"Can I enroll?"* asks the student somewhat distantly. They shakily write their details down on a piece of paper and Gwen tells her to tuck it in her cleavage. She does, before blushing a deep crimson and running away.

Gwen suggests they check out the dancers at *Hands* *& Fingers* and maybe they'll even be able to recruit some more students, so they all head off. On the way, Will asks for his *Luckstone* back from Gwen, who is dismayed to discover it actually had magical properties that gave her an unfair advantage. Batthwack laughs and she has to suppress the ire rising up inside her. Raphina does her best to smooth things over and explains that Will was only trying to help because he loves her.

The party eventually cross back over the meagre river, Raphina looking at it sadly, and they approach the Scarlet Market once again.

## Trivia

* The episode title was a quote from Eric. The group were talking to a student outside the university and there was a little confusion on KT's part as to what type of creature the student was: man, woman, or... what? Eric: *"It's a donkey."* Someone suggests it could be Steed! Eric: *Aw, Steed. I miss Steed."* KT: *"I know, where is he?"* Abby: *"I miss Mo!"* KT: *"I miss Mo too."* (re: Steed) Alex: *"He's around."* Eric: *"Mo's riding Steed on the lake. In my dreams!"*
* This week's episode description describes the Pork Fried Dice wiki as: phat.

## References

1. ↑ Denise describes Gwen's flying style: *"If you remember back to Game of Thrones, the Daenerys' dragons and how they fly, that's pretty much how hers [is], but imagine spectral gem wings, but flying just like Dany's dragons."*
2. ↑ See episode 263: I Need Some More...Rhinoplasty
3. ↑ Retrieved from the Wizard of Wines, see episode 38: Is This a Toothbrush?
4. ↑ See episode 264: Slaad Dressing
5. ↑ See episode 178: It's a Good Thing Raphina Is a Notary
6. ↑ See episode 194: Pineapples and Foreign Policy
7. ↑ Gwen has the *Gift of the Ever-Living Ones* eldritch invocation, which automatically maxes her dice rolls for healing.
8. ↑ Sheemie didn't really react, but the players were immediately reminded of Will's encounter with the Warping Scorpion. See episode 187: We Have a Lot To Discover About Raphina's Digestive System
9. ↑ See episode 263: I Need Some More...Rhinoplasty