Season 2, Episode 4: Barf Bum Movie Men (Ft. Elyse Willems)

*The following article contains spoilers for Season 2. Please listen to the season in its entirety or be warned!*

## Barf Bum Movie Men

### Air date

8 March 2022

**Barf Bum Movie Men** is the 4th episode of season 2 of *Dungeons and Daddies*, and features a guest appearance by comedian Elyse Willems.

## Episode Description

*The teens become embroiled in an investigation concerning missing body parts.*

## Introduction

Taylor Swift and Normal Oak perform a urology-themed parody (featuring Lincoln Li-Wilson) of the Macklemore song *"*Thrift Shop" describing the events following urology class in the previous episode.

## Rad Facts

* Taylor Swift (Freddie Wong): Taylor considers himself to be a hero after spending a summer watching videos practicing how to spot a drowning person and then pointing one out to the lifeguard at the local pool.
* Lincoln "Link" Li-Wilson (Matt Arnold): Link spends the first 90 minutes of the day (the duration of a soccer game) in a "no handball zone" and only uses his feet.
* Normal Oak (Will Campos): Normal cannot swim and was both a kid in one of the videos that Taylor watched online as well as the drowning child he pointed out.
* Theresa "Terry/Scary" Marlowe (Beth May): Scary has been obsessed with Terry Jr.'s note from the previous episode and has been trying to decipher it through anagrams.
* Dungeon Master (Anthony Burch): Anthony's begins to reveal his favorite movie in high school but fails to deliver after being interrupted by guesses from the others.

## Plot Summary

### The Cafeteria

In the cafeteria of San Dimas HIgh School, the Teens stare in horror at Margarita Pizza's maimed hand. They notice the most popular girl in school, Erica Drippins (Elyse Willems), is also watching the scene. Normal Oak gawks before asking Margarita what happened and trying to stop the bleeding with a wad of napkins. Taylor Swift and Lincoln Li-Wilson search the room for the missing finger, and Link concludes that the finger isn't anywhere in the room. Scary remembers that the horn sound they heard prior to Margarita's finger disappearing emanated from the corner of the lunchroom occupied by some of the less popular students.

Normal tries to call Erica over for help, but she refuses him with a brisk shake of her head. After the bleeding has stopped, Margarita departs with her entourage for the nurse's office. Before she goes, Link approaches her and tries to surreptitiously cast Lay on Hands to restore her finger, inadvertently drawing the attention of the entire room. Margarita recoils and shouts for her father. Pepperoni Tony arrives on the scene and asks Erica to bring him up to speed, but she again declines to speak. He leaves the scene to speak with his daughter.

Link realizes that some part of Erica's mouth is missing but cannot discern which. She picks up on this and beckons him over. Normal tries to lead her in a school cheer, but she is unable to follow verbally, prompting him to suggest that her tongue is missing. He provides her with a pen and paper, and she writes, "I need your help." Taylor immediately takes a knee and asks what she needs, offering his back as a surface to write against. As she goes to write a second message, she finds that the pen has out of ink and discards it. She repeats her first message aloud: "I need your help."

They discover that Erica's front teeth are missing and ask what they can do as Taylor searches for dentists on *Jowl* (a future analogue of *Yelp*). She tells the group that her teeth have been missing for a few days, and Normal asks if she heard the sound of a trumpet before her teeth disappeared. She responds that she did, and Link asks if he can try to restore her teeth as he did Margarita's fingers, perhaps by shaking hands. Erica is hesitant to do so because of her campaign for class president, and Taylor offers to shield the handshake from view with his jacket, prompting Erica to accuse him of being the school flasher (who is in fact Hermie Unworthy, a student who is also infatuated with Scary).

Erica asks Scary her for advice, labeling her as the most popular member of the group, and she assents to the handshake. When Link shakes her hand, nothing happens (due to the recharge time of Lay on Hands). Not understanding the limitations of his healing magic, Link postulates that it must not be working because he isn't touching the affected area and raises a hand to her gums. As he does so, Pepperoni Tony returns to the scene and begins accosts Link before Erica and (less effectively) Normal placate him.

### Detention

Pepperoni Tony sends all of the teens, including Margarita, to detention. After Link asks how her finger is doing, she flips him off and accuses him of having sent her an anonymous letter asking "do you like me?" In astonishment, Erica reveals that she received the same note and turns on Link as they label him a pervert. Normal asks for the letters to perform handwriting analysis, but Erica remains distrustful of him for associating with Link. Scary takes over for the two and asks Erica to trust them. She reluctantly agrees but threatens to have him removed from the bottom of the cheer pyramid if he's lying.

Normal compares the handwriting on the mysterious notes to one written by Link earlier and shows that they are completely different. Link asks Scary if she had seen any band members during her earlier sweep of the cafeteria, and she recalls having seen several. Taylor proposes that they compare the handwriting in the notes to that of other students, and they concoct plans to get handwriting samples from the rest of the student body.

After mulling over a few options, Link steps forward and offers to sacrifice himself for the investigation by circulating a survey asking if "Link is a perv." Meanwhile, Normal visits the proprietors of the student black market, Dukey, Mo, and Oil, to get white Chiclets for Erica to use as fake teeth. Link, Normal, Scary, and Taylor each write "no" on the survey while Erica writes "maybe", and Taylor takes it to the varsity soccer team for circulation.

Word of the survey soon makes it way through the school newspaper, which operates as something of a tabloid. The teens see a picture of the circulating survey featured in an article and examine the signatures included in the picture. To his chagrin, Link sees that the majority have responded "yes", but Taylor sees that the "yes" from Abe Goul, a trumpet player in the band, matches the notes to the girls almost perfectly.

Pepperoni Tony bursts into the room to castigate Link (calling him by his new moniker *gum-toucher piss-foot*) and releasing his daughter from detention. Normal attempts to persuade him that they have a lead in their investigation, but he remains adamant and holds both Link and Normal in detention but allowing the others to leave. To cover their escape, Scary casts Blindness on Pepperoni Tony while Normal leaves a voice memo playing of some of his ideas for the cheer team.

### The Band Room

The Teens go to the band room portable and feel the Sauce coming from within and hear Abe's voicing counting to five repeatedly. Through a window, Taylor sees Abe circling four piles of body parts (Margarita's finger, Erica's teeth, a lock of hair, and fingernails) arranged on the vertices of a pentagram and carrying a trumpet while counting, his frustration growing as he reaches "five" in his count each time. Link casts Divine Sense and confirms that Chaotic Evil is emanating. They make a plan to split up and each enter the room from a different side. from the room.

Taylor uses Thaumaturgy to open a window and vaults into the room through it while trying to draw his cane-sword, but fumbles and falls to the floor while passing through the window. Normal opens the door to the room and greets Abe before asking him about the piles of body parts around him. As Abe raises the trumpet to his mouth, Normal produces his Wand of Wonder which creates a Stinking Cloud around Abe. Erica enters the room from the hidden entrance and throws a horseshoe at Abe, striking him in the shoulder. Link barrels in through the emergency exit and kicks a trumpet mute to hit Abe but inadvertently hits himself. Scary slides across Abe's shrine under the Stinking Cloud, knock the body parts away and kicking Erica's teeth back into her mouth.

Enraged, Abe looks around at his collection of body parts now scattered across the floor and begins to count again before pointing to the hair, saying, "a little bit of Monica..."; to the teeth saying, "a little bit of Erica..."; to the finger saying "a little bit of Rita was all I needed..."; "a little bit of Tina was all I see'd {sic}..."; "a little bit of Sandra in the sun..."; "a little bit of Jessica here I am..."; "a little bit of you makes me your man!", putting the trumpet to his lips and shouting, "the trumpet!" before blowing the horn and disappearing.

Scary and Erica hear Abe running outside. Normal uses the Wand of Wonder again, this time casting Detect Thoughts on Abe, dealing psychic damage to himself but confirming that Abe is under the influence of The Doodler. He determines that the trumpet can stop time while a note is sustained on it, explaining the sudden disappearance of the body parts following the sound of a trumpet being heard. Erica exits through the popular kids' door and mounts her horse, Fax Shadow and chases after Abe, hurling another horseshoe at him, causing him to stumble. Link catches up to him and kicks the trumpet aside, sending it skittering across the pavement just as a group of students walking nearby spill a tub of trumpet acid that begins to spread across the ground toward it. Scary slashes him across the back as she runs past him.

Abe grabs the trumpet and blows it again as cuts suddenly appear across Fax Shadow's front legs, bringing him down and sending Erica tumbling and knocking her teeth out again. Abe reappears nearby, unable to sustain a note for long enough to escape unseen. Taylor approaches him and cleaves the trumpet with his cane-sword. Seeing it destroyed, Abe begins to scream as black tendrils begin to leak from his eyes. He falls to the ground and begins to thrash before finally collapsing unconscious.

Normal casts Cure Wounds on Fax Shadow, restoring his legs. The Teens' badges vibrate as they receive a call from Agent Mae Hailes. As they discuss what to do with Abe, he begins to trash on the ground and mutter about the dance, saying they have to stop it. Erica agrees, wondering who will go to the dance with her when her teeth are knocked out.

Taylor immediately seizes upon this with a ceremonious "M'lady..."

## Quotes

* "The three boys all look at her face for the first time." *- Matt Arnold*
* "Fwai, my dad is a dentist. We have a really nice house and two pools... if you can help me, there's a lot of swimming in your future." - *Erica Drippins*
* "Sir, It's okay. I can handle anything; riding a horse broke my hymen." - *Erica Drippins to Pepperoni Tony*
* "You awaken a lightness in me, Erica, but I prefer to stay in the dark." *Scary Marlowe declining to take over Erica's campaign for class president*
* "I'll take the secret door that only the popular kids are made aware of." - *Erica Drippins*
* "Well, you know what they say, you know, a ship in... harbors and shit..." - *Freddie Wong*, *possibly trying to use the phrase "any port in a storm"*
* "A Sin City reference?" - *Anthony Burch*
	+ "In 2022?" - *Elyse Willems*
		- "In this economy?" - *Beth May*

## Trivia

* The episode title is an anagram of the song "Mambo Number Five".
* Anthony likens Dukey, Mo, and Oil to *Ed, Edd, n Eddy*.
* The name of Erica's horse, Fax Shadow, is a reference to Shadowfax from *The Lord of the Rings* series.
* In this episode, Freddie made reference to something called a "regular mute." There is no such thing as a "regular mute." Possibly, he was thinking about a straight mute or even a cup mute.

## Continuity

* Beth rolled a 94 to check for Scary's early death for being left-handed and a 12 for the Kellog K Nife, meaning she survived and did not masturbate recently.
* Many of the character names that originate in this episode (Hermie Unworthy, Dukey/Mo/Oil) are results from Beth's anagram solvers.