Chick Love/Transcript

(Shaduck walks into the living room)

Shaduck: Huh, guess no one’s here, never thought I’d be the early bird!

(Shaduck collapses onto the couch as he sighs in relief. He pulls out his phone and begins to look around on Immediagram, looking at cat videos and memes until he gets a notification saying “You’ve just found a new match!”)

Shaduck: Hmm? What’s this?

(Shaduck taps on the notification, which leads him to the dating app he downloaded in “Candle Man’s War Story”)

Shaduck: Ohh, that. I forgot I still had that app. (Looks at the “new match” but it does not fit Shaduck) Pff, 100% match? This app is trash.

(Continues to scroll down until he sees the photo of a girl named Rachel)

Shaduck: Woah, who’s that? She looks pretty.

(Reads her bio which says “I am Rachel Wilson, a 16-year old who likes cute boys, I won’t judge you, I promise. ;))”
Shaduck: She seems kinda cool.

(Continues to read her description “I’m sassy and I love making people laugh.”)

Shaduck: Alright, I’m convinced. This girl is calling for me!

(Shaduck presses a heart button on her profile. Scene changes to Rachel, who gets a notification on her phone.)

Rachel: Oh yeah, that app I downloaded 2 years ago, I forgot I still had that app. Hmm… who's giving me this heart… (Checks) Oh, this is my chance to get a boyfriend… yay! (reads Shaduck’s bio) “Friendly guy who is willing to give any woman he matches with a chance.” Alright, why not give it a shot?

(She presses the button, too, and a ping sound is heard. Cuts back to Shaduck, who is now playing Sweet Smasher. He gets a large combo.)

Shaduck: YES!

(Remembering the rest are asleep as it is early in the morning, he covers his mouth. He gets a ping on his phone, it’s from the dating app, which is saying Rachel also clicked the heart button.)

Shaduck: Ooh! Now we can talk!

(Cue theme song. The scene the cut to Shaduck, who know goes back to the dating site, opening the chat. He thinks for a second, then types, “Hello there.” Cuts to Rachel. Shaduck then types, “How are you?” Rachel sighs.)

Rachel: Alright, I’ve had enough of this.

(Cuts back to Shaduck. He sees a message from Rachel that says, “Okay, let’s lose the formalities. What are you like in real life?”)

Shaduck: What am I like in real life? Hmm…

(He flashbacks to a time when Mystic had stolen some of his fish soup. Shaduck is standing on one side of a coffee table, and Mystic does the same to the other side, waiting for one of them to run.)

Shaduck: Mystic, give back my fish soup!

Mystic: Not until you stop using my grilled cheese maker as a heating pad for your butt!

Shaduck: Never!

(He starts shooting Mystic with his lasers. Limefong walks in.)

Limefong: Shaduck! Stop it!

Shaduck: She stole my fish soup!

Limefong: I’ll help you get it back...under the condition that you STOP DIPPING MY PIZZA CRUST IN YOUR SOUP AS BREAD! THAT’S LIKE THE BEST PART!

Shaduck: NO!

(Shaduck jumps over the coffee table and wrestles Mystic for the fish soup. During the scuffle, she drops the fish soup. The three of them freeze as the soup spills and the bowl breaks. Shaduck gets off Mystic, but he is breathing heavily and is growing more and more angry.)

Shaduck: **MY FISH SOUP!!!** YOU ASKED FOR THIS!

(He grabs the grilled cheese maker and shoots it for so long that it explodes.)

Mystic: MY GRILLED CHEESE MAKER!

Shaduck: YOU DESERVE IT!

Mystic: MY GRILLED CHEESE MAKER IS HARDER TO REPLACE!

Limefong: CAN WE ALL STOP SHOUTING?!

Shaduck and Mystic: NO!

(They all continue arguing. Flashback ends.)

Shaduck: How do I interpret that? Hmm…

(He types, “I eat healthy foods and use anything I can to help my well being. I do not take kindly to burglars, and exercise karma when needed.” Back to Rachel, where Shaduck texts, “And how about you?”)

Rachel: Me? Uhhh...

(Flashback begins. Rachel has crazy hair and is chasing Tobias. Some friends of Tobias are laughing in the background.)
Rachel: TOBIAS! GIVE ME BACK MY HAIR BANDS!

(Tobias laughs.)

Tobias: You were just sitting there on your phone! It was unfair not to mess with you!

Rachel: Tobias…

Tobias: Here, guys! Catch!

(He throws the bands to his friends, but an arm catches it in midair. It is indeed Rachel’s, who snarls at Tobias. Tobias nervously chuckles.)

Tobias: What if I only keep one?

(Rachel tackles him and wraps every band around his face, then begins pulling and releasing them against Tobias’ face. He laughs when he doesn’t let out a scream of pain. This continues as the flashback ends.)

Rachel: Okay, I’ll just do this…

(She types, “I am usually passive but I am usually provoked by meddling figures to the point where I must defend myself. I can be very nice, though.” Back to Shaduck.)

Shaduck: Well, this girl sounds even nicer and cooler!

(Shaduck hears rapping on the back door. It is Dewey, who is let in by Shaduck and sits on the couch.)

Dewey: Hey, Blackbird!

Shaduck: *Dark*bird, and hello. What’s up?

Dewey: Everyone else is asleep, so I thought-HEY, you’re using LoveNet!

Shaduck: SHHHHHHHHHHH!

Dewey: (whispering) Oh, sorry. What are you doing on LoveNet?

Shaduck: I got a new match, and the person I matched with is awesome!

Dewey: Why don’t you go on a date with her?

Shaduck: I will, Dew! Just wait.

(Rachel sends him a message that says, “You seem like an okay guy.”)

Dewey: This is the part where you ask her out.

Shaduck: Not yet!

(Shaduck types, “You seem okay too.” Tobias walks into Rachel’s room.)

Tobias: Hey, Rachel!

Rachel: Tobias, I don’t have time for whatever you’re trying to do.

Tobias: OOOOooooh! Are you looking for a little boyfriend?

Rachel: Tobias!

Tobias: Sorry, sorry.

Rachel: And yes, I am. I matched with some guy on LoveNet and we’re chatting right now!

Tobias: So why not ask him out?

Rachel: Not yet. I can’t just-

Tobias: Just do it!

Rachel: No!

(The screen splits, showing both sides of the conversation between Shaduck and Rachel.)

Dewey and Tobias: DO IT!

Shaduck and Rachel: OKAY!

(At the same time, they both type, “Listen, I have this jerk pestering me so I’m just gonna cut to the chase: will you go out with me?”

Shaduck and Rachel: THERE! YA HAPPY?!

(They notice that they sent the same message at the same time, making them all delusionally chuckle a little bit. They both simultaneously type, “I’d love to.”)

Shaduck: Okay, awesome! Thanks for your meddling, Dew!

Dewey: Always a pleasure!

(He leaves.)

Shaduck: Wait, what?

Candle Man (offscreen): Shaduck?

(He fumbles with his phone, but manages to cover his tracks, going back to Sweet Smasher as Candle Man enters the living room.)

Candle Man: Who are you talking to?

Shaduck: Me? Oh, nothing. I’m just...playing Sweet Smasher!

Candle Man: I thought it was Candle Crush.

Shaduck: No, that was a dream you told us about.

Candle Man: Hm, I could’ve sworn…

Shaduck: Hey, while you’re here, can you get me my fish soup?

(Candle Man frowns. Shaduck is now in the backyard on a swing, but not swinging. Limefong is the same next to him.)
Limefong: Hey, bud, is there something you're trying to hide from Candle Man?

Shaduck: WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I’M DOING?!?

Limefong: Okay, okay. Why are you hiding whatever it is from him?

Shaduck: Well… I’m going on a date with a girl I talked to this morning.

Limefong: Cool! But why don’t you tell Candle Man?

Shaduck: Do you remember what he did when you went on a date with that Lemon girl?

Limefong: Oh, yeah...I do, but I’m sure Candle Man will be happy for you! In fact, I’m sure both him and Mystic will!

Shaduck: No. First they’ll mess around with me, then they’ll push to have the date here, one thing will lead to another, and we’ll be fighting the Spammers on the other side of the universe or something! (Breathes heavily)

Limefong: SHADUCK! Calm down, you’re spiraling again.

Shaduck: Oh, right. But they’ll still mess it up somehow. That’s why I’m only telling you. I need you to get me a reservation and Chateau Fisto for me.

Limefong: That’s an A-List restaurant, and you’re going there with a girl you just met?

Shaduck: Yes, now make the reservation!

Limefong: Okay, okay!

(He walks away as Shaduck waves. Shaduck then sighs.)

Shaduck: Hopefully this all ends well.

(Scene cuts to Shaduck who is in his room. He tears open the door to his closet, and sees shirts identical to the one he wears all the time.)

Shaduck: DO I EVEN HAVE NICE CLOTHING?!

(Candle Man pokes through Shaduck’s room door.)

Candle Man: Hey, Shaduck! Watcha up to?

Shaduck: Nnnnnnnnnnnnnothing…

Candle Man: Are you sure? Cuz you just shouted at the top of your lungs, “Do I even have nice clothing”.

Shaduck: Yes, yes. I was, uh, trying to look formal.

Candle Man: Really? You hardly do anything formal, so what’s with the sudden change?

Shaduck: Oh you know, just trying a new style.

Candle Man: Hm. Well, I guess I wouldn’t understand. I don’t even wear clothing!

Shaduck: Why not try someti-

Candle Man: NO! NEVER!

(He runs off.)

Shaduck: Ahaha! I knew that would work! Now let’s see… ah! Perfect!

(He spots a tuxedo at the back of his closet. He grabs it. Back to Limefong, who is now at Palpatine’s Pizzeria. He is on his phone, making the reservation. Palpatine walks up to him.)

Palpatine: Ah, my best customer. What will it be today?

Limefong: The usual, please.

Palpatine: Good, good…

(He walks away.)

Limefong: Now let’s see.

(Closeup on the screen. He is on chateaufisto.com, placing a reservation. For some strange reason, Luna crawls in.)

Limefong: Uh, Luna? What are you doing here? All...alone?

Luna: Well, Mystic was too busy with other stuff, so I decided to follow you, of course!
Limefong: But why?

(Pause, then Luna grabs his phone and flies out the door.)
Limefong: Hey!

(Limefong gets out of his seat and follows her. Limefong stops after exiting, then uses telekinesis to bring Luna back.)

Luna: Hey!

Limefong: I’ll take that.

(He swipes the phone out of Luna’s mouth, then flings her across town.)

Limefong: Darn ant. Just wait till your owner finds out about what you did.

Offscreen voice: Oh, I think she knows.

(Baghead walks up.)

Limefong: What, do you want my phone, too?

Baghead: Oh, no. I *own* Chateau Fisto. Why would I stop you from placing a reservation?

Limefong: Good point…

Baghead: Listen. Candle Man and Mystic are suspicious of you guys. I know what’s going on.

Limefong: Y-you do?

Baghead: Yeah, I’ve seen this a thousand times. I’ll help you two cover your tracks. Just trust me.

Limefong: Thanks Baghead, I owe you one.

Baghead: You owe me *more* than one. I saved your butt twice during the fight with UCP, remember?

Limefong: Right, right.

Baghead: See ya.

(He runs off, but comes back.)

Baghead: And that reservation? On the house.

Limefong: Oh, thanks!

(He runs off again, this time not returning. Cuts to Shaduck, who stands in front of Chateau Fisto, a rose in hand. It is dark out. Rachel walks up in a beautiful dress. Shaduck starts blushing.)

Rachel: You must be Shaduck.

Shaduck: Yes, I am. You must be Rachel.

Rachel: Shall we go in?

Shaduck: Yes, we shall, my lady.

(Shaduck hands her the rose. They enter. Baghead stands nearby, and he moves in front of the couple. He also wears a tuxedo, but is orange where it should be black.)

Baghead: Table for two?

Shaduck: Baghead? What are you doing here?

Baghead: Oy, Lime must have not told you. I own this place. Follow me.

(He leads them to a booth in the back of the restaurant. There is a candle on the table. The restaurant is dim, however. Baghead hands them the menus.)

Baghead: I’ll return when you’re ready.

Shaduck: How will you know?

Baghead: Oh, I’ll know.

(He leaves. Scene cuts back to the Candle House, where Limefong sits on his bed. He is looking at his phone, which can now oversee the date through a security camera.)

Limefong: Okay, seems to be going well… now just gotta make sure no one goes to spy on them.

(He presses a button on his phone. Nearby, ice cream truck music plays.)

Candle Man (offscreen): ICE CREAM! Ahem, Mystic...

Mystic (offscreen): What? I’m not you mom! Use your own money!

Candle Man (offscreen): But I spent it all on eggplants!

Mystic (offscreen): Typical you! Mother Galaxia always told me to not spend your money all in one place!

Limefong: Ha, they always argue for hours over stuff like this. Now just gotta take care of Luna.

(He opens the door to his room and throws the Katamari toy down the hall, with enough power for it to ricochet off wall after wall for hours. Luna tracks it as it goes, and continues even after Limefong closes the door.)

Limefong: Ha, it all came together.

(Scene goes back to Shaduck and Rachel. Shaduck is looking at the menu, and Rachel is doing the same across from him.)
Shaduck: I can’t believe you used to live in TVLand!

Rachel: Yeah, I did. Then my family discovered that some people made a way out, so we left, and stumbled upon Wikia!

Shaduck: Cool!

Rachel: Anyway, what do you want to eat?

Shaduck: Mmm..everything sounds good that it’s difficult to choose! Wait a second…

(He notices fish soup is on the menu. Baghead returns.)

Baghead: So what is it for you two?

Shaduck (whispering to himself): Must...suppress...urge…

Rachel: I’ll have the fish soup!

Shaduck: What?

Baghead: Good choice, miss. And you, Shaduck?

(Shaduck and Rachel make eye contact. Shaduck turns to Baghead as the scene cuts back to Limefong.)

Limefong: Yup, everything’s doin’ alright.

(Back to Shaduck, Rachel, and Baghead. Shaduck turns to Baghead, smiling.)

Shaduck: I will also have the fi-

(Suddenly, the door to the restaurant smashes open. It is the Spammers.)

Whickey: It's time to spam on this party!

Shaduck: WHAT?! ARE YOU KIDDING?!

Limefong: ARRGH, I forgot to account for them! Don’t worry, Shaduck and multiple innocent citizens, I’m coming to save you.
(He runs out of the room. Back to Shaduck.)

Shaduck (to Baghead): Bag, are you gonna help us or not?!

Baghead: Sorry, sir. I am merely a waiter-slash-owner.

Shaduck: Oh come on!

(Scene cuts back to Limefong, as he runs to save Shaduck’s date)

Limefong: Stupid, stupid, stupid!

(He runs past Palpatine’s Pizzeria.)

Palpatine: Lime, you forgot to get your piz-

Limefong: No time!

(And now, back to the date.)

Kitchen: Well, well, well. If it isn't little blackbird.

Shaduck: Why does everyone keep calling me that?!

Maps: No matter. Time to destroy this rich and elegant restaurant!

Someone from behind Shaduck: I don’t think so.

(It is Rachel.)

Rachel: I have waited for a boyfriend, for far too long. You will all pay for what you interrupted.

(Silence, then an eruption of laughter from the Spammers.)

Whickey: And what’s that? What can a little girl like you do?

Gyux: dhiufewhfewhkfvhkfvhdfhucd (You got her good, boss!)

Rachel: HEEEEYA!

(She runs up and kicks Gyux in the nose, sending him backwards and falling down outside. She then takes Luis and Whickey and butts their heads together, knocking them out. She wraps Dyaboy up like a ball and rolls him down the street, then throws Kitchen across town. She walks up to a shocked and scared Maps.)

Rachel: I think it’s best you run.

(She stands still, then runs down the street. Limefong then runs through the smashed door.)

Limefong: DON’T WORRY, EVERYONE! I’M HERE TO SAVE-wait, what?

Shaduck: Rachel took care of everything.

Limefong: Wow, really?! Awesome!

Baghead: Buuuut someone owes me 1,000 dollars for that door!

(Silence, then Limefong sees a dropped wallet.)

Limefong: Will Luis’ wallet do the trick?

(Baghead nods. Fades to Shaduck and Rachel indistinctly talking while sipping fish soup. Zooms out to Limefong and Baghead.)

Limefong: Looks like this date was a success.

Baghead: And this may be the start of a beautiful new relationship!

Limefong: Thanks a bunch, Bag.

Baghead: Me? No. All I did was give them a seat on the house. You did most of it.

Limefong: Let’s just agree we helped out equally before we end up like Mystic and Candle Man.

Baghead: Agreed.

(Silence.)

Limefong: Wait, where are Candle Man and Mystic?

(The two of them look outside to see a truck that Limefong made sound like the ice cream truck roll by. Candle Man is running after it.)

Candle Man: WAIT! I HAVE MONEY!

Mystic (offscreen): CANDLE MAN! GIVE ME BACK MY PURSE!

(Limefong and Baghead laugh due to this sight. Episode ends.)