The Reggiesworld Trilogy

This Page Is Long. Longer Than The Eternity Of The Bible Hell It’s Far From Complete It Needs 40 Something Pages To Be Completed.

Me: (Wakes Up) Good Day World Wait? Where Am I

Reggie: Your New Home!

Me: So Your Too Lazy To Wake Me Up So You Put Me In The Uhaul While We Were Going?

Reggie: Yes

Me: Anyways Tord!

Tord: Hey! Like The New Home?

Me: Yeah! But Where’s Natsuki?

Tord: She Fell In The Sewers Last Night!

Reggie: (Chugs His Secret Vodka) AHHHHHHHH VFHVBFVH FVHF VHFV

Me: Reggie you fine?

Reggie: nu gbnjtevjnrv (falls on floor)

Tord: he’s okay

Me: you sur-

Reggie: guys how do you ook bacon in microwova

Asirel: for drunk people look it up

Reggie: k

5 minutes later:

Natsuki: (Opens Door Soked In Sewer Water) I’m Back!

Also Natsuki: is he watching cocomelon his spelling is bad!

Me: Reggie did you mean Danny Devito because you typed Fanny deviti and did you mean the simpsons because you typed tge donpsobs and did you mean Fahrenheit clesius because you typed fereinheigjtbto cleaisu lol

Also Me: R U M P L E S C H N O P S K I N S

Reggie: so [[1]] times 56776555 is: 3.221989e21

Me: GOOD BOY (pats head)

Tord: hey can I have some of this (shoves Reggie’s secret vodka in mouth)

Tord: (having a seizure) amog us amog us amog us amog us amog us

Reggie: 🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺

Me: you are speaking flagish NICE BRO

Tord: How do you speedrun Minecraft?

Me: do a 45 degree angle and a 360 then pee in a air vent to a outlet and shit and eat the shit and then backflip and do the roly poly and hum the baldi theme

Tord: Thanks

Reggie: ITS TIME TO GO DO A SHITY PITY

Tord: I need Norwegian food not your candy scented diarrhea

Next Day:

Me: hey

Reggie: AYYYY why you been gone so long?

Me: so I had 5 pounds of sugar free harbos gummy bears at kennys this morning

Mothra: who even are you nikocado avocado or something THATS BAD

Me: so I will tell the story

Reggie: ok

Me: oh man words cannot express what happened to me after eating them the gummy bear cleanse if you are someone who can tolerate the sugar substance enjoy if you are Me In This Situation RUN first of all for taste I would rate them a 10/10 so good soft true to taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety I was a happy camper BUT or I should say BUTT not long after eating 20 of these all hell broke loose I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I’ve ever imagined cramps sweating bloating beyond my worst nightmare

Natsuki: everyone knows not to eat Kenny’s stuff you fucked up mate

Kenny: (just walks through door) grhbrnghngrhgnrhvrhgrghrgnrhg (actually means what did you say)

Me: I’ve had food poisoning from some bad shellfish from ankhas and that was only like a skip in the park compared to what was happening inside me

Tord: you have A Rare Colon

Reggie: he has a rare eye color already

Me: but wait there’s more what came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw

Asirel and Wendy (his girlfriend): (laughing in the corner)

Me: SHUT UP HORN HEAD AND TESTABURGER IT FELT LIKE FLAMABLE LIQUID AND NAPALM

Mega man: sorry about that

Me: and then uh flatulence heavens to murgatroyd the sounds like trumpets calling the demons back to hell the stretch like 1000 rotten corpses vomited I couldn’t stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own oders

Vegeta: now I smelled and once tasted my own shit but something like that can’t even come from Godzilla

Me: I swear my sphincters were screaming it felt like my delicate starfish was gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste 100%

Reggie: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣go on

Me: AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS I felt fucked by all my lovers when it was over Which I think might have been in the noon of the next hour there was stuff coming out of me that I ate at Reggies wedding in 2005 dude

Makio sono: 😆😆

Me: I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent looking delicious tasting HELLBEARS so I told yuri at school about what nuclear bomb came out of me thinking it had to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substance and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions she decided to not take them so I eat them then your dumbass calls me while I’m blowing up on the shitter I think I was crying my sister was skeptical and suspected i was exaggerating I took them to work with 99% of a 5 pound bag left since I work for a construction company with builders roofers house painters landscapers etc lots of times I have limited access to toilets that day I can’t imagine were the places I shit at me on roofs crossing my legs and trying to decide if I can make it down the ladder or jump off

Kenny: aurhggh (means sorry buddy)

Mothra: yeah my work here is done

Me: SHIT SHIT HOLY FUCKING LORD CAKE MY GOOSLE IS BLOWING SEE YOU IN THE RESTROOM

Tord: you k bro?

The next day:

Me: hey kensteir

Kenny: hth (means want gummis)

Me: sure make sure it’s not sugar free

Kenny: (shoves sugar free gummis in My mouth)

Me: Thanks

Kenny: Fnfhvnhtvnthvnnthvtn (Means Bye)

Me: see ya

3 hours later:

Tord: hey um Arnold wants to talk to you for a minute

Me: hey bitch

Arnold: HEY BUDDY DID YOU PLAY THE HIT GAME AMOG US S U S

Me: no but I did die of shiting again

Arnold: tell me

Me: I made a run to Walmart to get a few items that didn’t include ass paper when I got their my belly was shaking like a avalanche like god was giving me a warning yes I should have went home but I was on a mission to fix a keurig machine that broke from Walmart YEAH WALMART

Reggie: um when’s the ass being blowed part coming

Me: I was literally in the store looking at the small kitchen appliances before one loud gurgle then I squeezed out a fart that began as a long squeak to a jet propulsion in a split second that probably had some people in the store confuse the sound as a gunshot and probably had some ducking for cover as my situation had just gone from a scale of 10-100 I might need to use bathroom real quick I should hurry up to a insane 200 I’m literally soiling my self in the middle of the local Walmart with towels and paper as my only fabric to wipe my damn ass with i said FUCK THE KEURIG and I ditched my cart and went running to the damn restroom and my ass sounded like fireworks and firecrackers in my damn pants😔 people were Laughing and one dude was about to Die Of Laughing and I finally get in the stall and fucking look like I was pushing out Kim jong un out of my anus I was crying and screaming burping and farting so loud some one even went deaf!

Tord Reggie and Mothra: (dying of laughter)

Me: Reggie let’s go driving for a while

Reggie: ok sounds good

12 minutes later:

Me: Hey Watch Out For That Stop Sign

Reggie: What Stop Sign?

Me: THE STOP SIGN

Reggie: WHAT STOP SIGN

Me: THE STOP SIGN

Also Me: STOP STOP I-

Reggie And Me: AHHHHHHHH- (Falls Into Water)

5:00am:

Me: (obviously sleep walking) (has a massive body of shit come out while sitting on a opened drawer)

Me: (wakes up) REGGIE TORD WHO SHIT IN MY DILDO DRAWER

Tord: idk

Reggie: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Me: who did it

Mothra: well it was you you were sleepwalking and shit in the drawer

Me: of course Kenny’s Gummis is destroying my ass goddammit!

Reggie: THEN HAVE FLINTSTONES GUMMYS

Me: THEY TASTE LIKE SHIT!

6:00am:

Reggie: Ayy bro my wife ankha needs your name and power level

Me: excuse me?

Reggie: it’s important

Kenny: Vrhvndhvfnjrjjfbjfnbnfjbgjbnfmbmbmgmbmgb

Ruv: Why am I real

Pibby: because yo mama

Reggie: please get this ready i got vegeta testing and it still says 999 spektrontrillion

Mothra: honey do it for yo son right now!

Tord: So what is yo real name buddy

Me: (clears throat) are you sure?

Ruv: YO FRIEND ARNOLD WANTS TO KNOW

Me: Hes Not My Friend

Reggie: please

Arnold: sus

Me: ugh my full name is Collin lee Jugemu jugemu goko no surikire kaijarisuigyo no suigyomatsu unraimatsu furaimatsu ku Neru tokoro ni sumu tokoro yabura koji no bura koji paipo-paipo paipo no shuringan shuringan no gurindai gurindai no ponpokopi no ponpokona no chokyumei no chosuke horne

Reggie: are you kidding me this has to be a joke because my name is Reggie lee Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfeschlegel­steinhausen­bergerdorff­welche­vor­altern­waren­gewissenhaft­schafers­wessen­schafe­waren­wohl­gepflege­und­sorgfaltigkeit­beschutzen­vor­angreifen­durch­ihr­raubgierig­feinde­welche­vor­altern­zwolfhundert­tausend­jahres­voran­die­erscheinen­von­der­erste­erdemensch­der­raumschiff­genacht­mit­tungstein­und­sieben­iridium­elektrisch­motors­gebrauch­licht­als­sein­ursprung­von­kraft­gestart­sein­lange­fahrt­hinzwischen­sternartig­raum­auf­der­suchen­nachbarschaft­der­stern­welche­gehabt­bewohnbar­planeten­kreise­drehen­sich­und­wohin­der­neue­rasse­von­verstandig­menschlichkeit­konnte­fortpflanzen­und­sich­erfreuen­an­lebenslanglich­freude­und­ruhe­mit­nicht­ein­furcht­vor­angreifen­vor­anderer­intelligent­geschopfs­von­hinzwischen­sternartig­raum horne

Mothra: Reggie officially has the longest name on earth

Me: 🤬 my power level is 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Tord: I am speechless but isn’t your birth certificate say-

Sayori: (hangs herself)

Me: my name is Collin lee Jugemu Jugemu Go-Kō-no-Surikire Kaijari-suigyo no Suigyō-matsu Unrai-matsu Fūrai-matsu Kū-Neru Tokoro ni Sumu Tokoro Yaburakōji no Burakōji Paipo Paipo Paipo no Shūringan Shūringan no Gūrindai Gūrindai no Ponpokopii no Ponpokonaa no Chōkyūmei no Chōsuke Wolfeschlegel­steinhausen­bergerdorff­welche­vor­altern­waren­gewissenhaft­schafers­wessen­schafe­waren­wohl­gepflege­und­sorgfaltigkeit­beschutzen­vor­angreifen­durch­ihr­raubgierig­feinde­welche­vor­altern­zwolfhundert­tausend­jahres­voran­die­erscheinen­von­der­erste­erdemensch­der­raumschiff­genacht­mit­tungstein­und­sieben­iridium­elektrisch­motors­gebrauch­licht­als­sein­ursprung­von­kraft­gestart­sein­lange­fahrt­hinzwischen­sternartig­raum­auf­der­suchen­nachbarschaft­der­stern­welche­gehabt­bewohnbar­planeten­kreise­drehen­sich­und­wohin­der­neue­rasse­von­verstandig­menschlichkeit­konnte­fortpflanzen­und­sich­erfreuen­an­lebenslanglich­freude­und­ruhe­mit­nicht­ein­furcht­vor­angreifen­vor­anderer­intelligent­geschopfs­von­hinzwischen­sternartig­raum

Reggie: Copy cat

Me: you are fucking a legit cat

Later:

Reggie: bro did you like your McDonald’s you had today?

Me: Some fucking kid climbed all the way to the top slide and took his goddamn pants off and slid down the slide. Problem is, he shat the whooooole way down. There was a fucking trail of shit spanning the entire second-half of the slide.

Reggie: (try’s to hold laugh)

Me: drunk lady, probably in her 30's came in and puked at the top of the slide. We found her passed out at the top following the trail of puke that traveled down it.

Tord: lol happened to me as well

Me: The ball pit was separate from the play place in it's own enclosure on the other side of the room. One day a woman comes running out of the room holding her small child, who is bawling and screaming bloody murder, with multiple cuts and a syringe stuck in his leg. Turns out some local junkies had tossed their dirty needles and a couple razor blades into the ball pit assuming it wouldn't be used.

Asirel: Damn

Me:  I was managing a McDonald’s, and it was a long weekend in a tourist area so we were open 24 hours, although there was really no business after 3 am or so. This story takes place on a Sunday morning around 3:30 am. Some girl comes through the drive thru drunk, and orders a bunch of mcnuggets. The employee who took the order let me know about the drunkenness, so I told the employee to tell the drunk girl that her nuggets would take some time to cook, so if she pulled out of the DT and into the parking lot we’d bring them out when they’re ready. So she takes drunky’s money and pulls her ahead. While she does this, I call the cops. A few minutes later the cops show up and arrest the girl. At this point they have the girl (and her passenger) handcuffed and face-down on the pavement. My employees and I are watching this happen from inside the store, and one of them asks me if he can run the nuggets out to the girl now. Thinking this would be hilarious, I let him do it. He runs out and sets them on the ground beside the girl’s face, the cop questions what he’s doing, and the employee lets him know. The cop laughs, tells the kid to go back in the store, and carries on arresting the girls. He gets them loaded in the cop car, but before he takes them to the station, he and his partner sit down in the front seat of the car and finish the poor girl’s nuggets by themselves. It was hysterical.

Mega Man: I mean why who does that

Me: Then When They Closed Me And Mothra hid in the ball pits and went at it😏

Reggie: (throws up)

Me: ... After cleaning up the semen becomes a part of the reason why you're paid, something changes, the world starts to really come together.

Tord: okay we’re done today

Me: Mothra  left her 2 hot children in the play place four hours while she went to the thrift store shopping. So of course I ran to your theme park And Raped them.

Tord: Tordworld? That place Fuck you!

Me: once I looked underneath the floor of the playplace I found a bunch of used condoms. You are doing weird things with toriel aren’t you?.

Tord: THATS YO TEACHER BRO

Me: Also me And Mothra have Had Sex in your robot

Tord: 😞 is that why I called the exterminator

Me: I COULD HAVE FUCKED THEM ALL (cry’s so hard Tord Drowns)

Reggie: You Fuck Moth Infants? Goddamn

Also Reggie: but I can bring things back with my powers🙂

Me: (dong rises up)

Asirel: WOW YOU GOT A 15 INCH CHICKEN BOY

Tord: He’s A 15 Incher? Wtf I Dont Even Have A 3 Inch One

Reggie: moths?! You Fuck Moths Instead Of Buying Tinder And Find A Vaginer

Me: definitely

Also me: (fucks all the Moth baby’s)

Also also me: Hell yeah! That was fun

Reggie: MYYY EYES

Also Reggie: chugs 5 gallons of vodka

Also Also Reggie: тетрагидропиранилциклопентилтетрагидропиридопиридиновая

Tord: I thought you was American😔your actually Russian

Reggie: мне плевать

also Reggie: плюс украина может сосать хуй не так ли?

Me: wow i can even say that

Reggie: я люблю сыр

Also Reggie: sorry guys had to tell you how to eat cheese in Russian

Me: ばか私は太陽系全体を持ち上げることができます

Also me: can we stop speaking different languages anyways?

Reggie: And i bet you can’t say all country’s names?

Tord: Usa Canada Mexico Russia China Australia and Norway!

Me: lol United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama

Haiti, Jamaica, Peru

Republic Dominican, Cuba, Caribbean

Greenland, El Salvador too

Puerto Rico, Colombia, Venezuela, Honduras, Guyana, and still

Guatemala, Bolivia, then Argentina

And Ecuador, Chile, Brazil

Costa Rica, Belize, Nicaragua

Bermuda, Bahamas, Tobago, San Juan

Paraguay, Uruguay, Surinam

And French Guiana, Barbados, and Guam

Norway, and Sweden, and Iceland, and Finland

And Germany, now in one piece

Switzerland, Austria, Czechoslovakia

Italy, Turkey, and Greece

Poland, Romania, Scotland, Albania

Ireland, Russia, Oman

Bulgaria, Saudi Arabia, Hungary

Cyprus, Iraq, and Iran

There's Syria, Lebanon, Israel, Jordan

Both Yemen's, Kuwait, and Bahrain

The Netherlands, Luxembourg, Belgium, and Portugal

France, England, Denmark, and Spain

India, Pakistan, Burma, Afghanistan

Thailand, Nepal, and Bhutan

Kampuchea, Malaysia, then Bangladesh, Asia

And China, Korea, Japan

Mongolia, Laos, and Tibet, Indonesia

The Philippine Islands, Taiwan

Sri Lanka, New Guinea, Sumatra, New Zealand

Then Borneo, and Vietnam

Tunisia, Morocco, Uganda, Angola

Zimbabwe, Djibouti, Botswana

Mozambique, Zambia, Swaziland, Gambia

Guinea, Algeria, Ghana

Burundi, Lesotho, and Malawi, Togo

The Spanish Sahara is gone

Niger, Nigeria, Chad, and Liberia

Egypt, Benin, and Gabon

Tanzania, Somalia, Kenya, and Mali

Sierra Leone, and Algiers

Dahomey, Namibia, Senegal, Libya

Cameroon, Congo, Zaire

Ethiopia, Guinea-Bissau, Madagascar

Rwanda, Mahore, and Cayman

Hong Kong, Abu Dhabi, Qatar, Yugoslavia

Crete, Mauritania, then Transylvania

Monaco, Liechtenstein, Malta, and Palestine

Fiji, Australia, Sudan

Reggie: 🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺🇷🇺

Me: \*Sings The USSR Theme\*

Tord: Can I join in?😁

Reggie: Fuck You

Asirel: Hey can I have Wendy over?

Me: Sure!

Next day:

Me: REGGIE WOLFS-

Reggie: DONT SAY MY NAME

Me: RUSSIAS FIGHTING UKRAINE

Reggie: So?

Tord: Pepper Lives There

Reggie: I Don’t Care She Can go fuck herself im with ankha now

Me: Well Give tord your world map

Reggie: Okay So We Cover A Country With Paint when it gets tooken over right?

Tord: Good Idea Russian!

Reggie: Fuck Off Norwegian

Tord: Yo mama so fat when she sat on the iPod she made the IPAD!!

Reggie: Mom Died Before I Was Born

Tord: Oh… Sorry

Me: Russia Is fighting

Reggie: How do you know?

Me: Your TV Screens blinking on Russia

Reggie: Why That world map is okay

Me: Seems like Their Sending Troops into Alaska To Take That Land Back They Used To Own

Reggie: Damn I’ll Send Cherno Alpha into Alaska

Me: Bad Idea!!

Reggie: That Will Make Putin happy

Me: His Goal Is to Take Back Ukraine Dumbass

Tord: Sir

Me: CALL ME COLLIN

Tord: Damn Okay

Also Tord: Just Wanted To Tell You Taiwan And Stupid Ass China Are Fighting

Me: Well Fuck Me Running They’re Both Dumb As Hell

Tord: Who’s Taured?

Me: Huh? Taured What Place Is That??

Tord: It Says That It Neighbors Andorra

Reggie: Been There Before They Aren’t Nice

Me: Wait If They Neighbor Andorra They Must Be A Territory Of Russixo

Reggie: Oh Lord

Dave: (Rushs In) THEY TOOK MY HOME

Reggie: Who Took Yo Nigga Ass Home The Russians?

Dave: YES THEY RAPED BANDU

Reggie: Bandu? He Has No Arms Bro

Dave: THEY TOOK ALASKA BACK

Reggie: Knew it How Many Americans Did They Kill?

Dave: Like All Of The Ones In Alaska

Reggie: Damn

Tord: Wait The Ukrainians Are Sending Ships To Alaska

Reggie: FUCK I’ll Send Subs And Missles

Me: Stop killing the weak they did nothing to you me or Dave

Reggie: I Want Russia To Survive

Me: Their Not Going To If We Don’t Take That Russixo territory Down

Reggie: India And Nepal Are Sending Something To Sri Lanka

Dave: What Something?

Reggie: A Nuke

Me: No North Korea Did That

Reggie: No Both Of Them Are nuking The Countries

Me: Goddamn

Reggie: Cuba And El Salvador Are Nuking China

Tord: I Thought China Was Attacking Taiwan

Reggie: I Know Country’s Attacking Country’s That Are Attacking Country’s

Also Reggie: Fuck

Tord: Iraq And Iran Are Bombing eachover

Me: Thats Stupid Since They Both Are Dangerous

Garfield: Boss They Shot Us

Reggie: Who Did?

Garfield: Russixo Did

Reggie: Fuck Them Send A Nuclear Bomb

The Next 5 Hours:

Reggie: Is Russixo Gone?

Me: the Territory’s Are Gone

Reggie: Are They Fighting Ukraine?

Me: Nope They Are Bombing Canada And Peru

Reggie: At This Point I’m Going To War AND YOU GUYS ARE COMING

Me: This is WWIII We Are Not Going

Reggie: Do You Want Israel Here?

Me: Sure I guess

The Next Hour:

Me: FUCK FUCK FUCK KILL THEM

Reggie: JORDAN AND SAUDI ARABIA ARE THAT WAY THERES NO WAY WE CAN GET THERE

Me: Then Go To The United Arab Emirates

Reggie: THERES NO TIME

Me: Then Go To Oman

Reggie: GOOD IDEA

Later:

Reggie: Woohoo!

Me: What Are You Doin- OH MY GOODNESS

Reggie: I’m Just T Bagging A Ukrainian

Me: Oh Sorry Anyways We Sould Take A Ship To Iceland

Reggie: but Iceland Is Attacking Greenland

Tord: Can We Go?

Reggie: Okay😞

Me: Fuck Fuck Fuck

Reggie: What?

Me: Gotta Go To School Can You Come?

Reggie: Sure I’ll Get Tom Toriel Teachs Him Too

Me: Isn’t Tom Like 17?

Reggie: Nope He Just Turned 5 last week

Me: oh okay

Tord: can I come?

Me: Fine I Guess

4 Hours Later:

Me: Ttttttttooooorrrrrdddd

Tord: What?

Me: Toriel Wants Your Name:

Tord: It’s Just Tord Bruh

Reggie: Tords Name Is “prince sacrificed lord Tord lord kord to tan man do Lon ko 3”

Toriel: okay… Um Reggie

Reggie: Yes?

Toriel: Okay (Breaths) Question 567: “The Names Of All 50 States And Territory’s And There Capitals”

Reggie: Hmm Okay (Summons America Map)

Also Reggie: (Plays Violen) Baton Rouge, Louisiana; Indianapolis, Indiana And Columbus is the capital of Ohio There's Montgomery, Alabama, south of Helena, Montana Then there's Denver, Colorado, under Boise, Idaho Texas has Austin, then we go north To Massachusetts' Boston, and Albany, New York Tallahassee, Florida, and Washington, D.C. Santa Fe, New Mexico, and Nashville, Tennessee Elvis used to hang out there a lot, ya know (Plays Like A Badass) Trenton's in New Jersey, north of Jefferson, Missouri You've got Richmond in Virginia; South Dakota has Pierre Harrisburg's in Pennsylvania and Augusta's up in Maine And here is Providence, Rhode Island, next to Dover, Delaware Concord, New Hampshire, just a quick jaunt To Montpelier, which is up in Vermont Hartfords in Connecticut, so pretty in the fall And Kansas has Topeka; Minnesota has St. Paul (Jumps On My Head) Juneau's in Alaska and there's Lincoln in Nebraska And it's Raleigh out in North Carolina and then There's Madison, Wisconsin, and Olympia in Washington Phoenix, Arizona, and Lansing, Michigan Here's Honolulu; Hawaii's a joy Jackson, Mississippi, and Springfield, Illinois South Carolina with Columbia down the way And Annapolis in Maryland on Chesapeake Bay They have wonderful clam chowder (Jumps On Pibbys Head) Cheyenne is in Wyomin' and perhaps you make your home in Salt Lake City out in Utah, where the buffalo roam Atlanta's down in Georgia, and there's Bismarck, North Dakota And you can live in Frankfort in your old Kentucky home San Juan’s In Puerto Rico Hagåtñas In Guam Salem in Oregon; from there we join Little Rock in Arkansas; Iowa's got Des Moines Saipan in the Northern Mariana Islands and Charlotte Amalie In Us Virgin Islands (Jumps On Kenny’s Head)  Sacramento, California; Oklahoma and its city Charleston, West Virginia, and Nevada, Carson City That's all the capitals there are!

Toriel: k So Collin Can you name everything that’s In The English Language?

Me: 1. Yes 2. Fuck off

Also Me: I’ll Need 5 Sprites 3 Hot Women 6 Cats And A English Dictionary

Toriel: Okay Here We Go!

Me: Aardvark, abating, abet, abdicating Abandon, abase and abreast Ablaze and ablution, abhor and abusion Abbreviate, abbey, abscessed Abduct and ablation, abridge and abrasion Abash and abrupt and abride Abscond and absentia, absent, abstentia Abdomen, ably, abide Abominable, abrogate, absolute, absent Absorbent, abstention, abstraction Absurd and abundant, abusive, abutment Acacia, academy, action Accede and accost and accept and across And accompany, acre, accord Accomplish, account and accrue and amount Acrimonious, active, adored Adrenaline, adulate, adder and advocate Advertise, adverse, abrade Advice, adversarial, advent and aerial Affluent, after, afraid

5 Minutes Later:

Me: Facial and faction and fractal and fraction And fraudulent, fragrant, frappé Frankincense, frankinship... frankinsish and flambé! Libation and libertine, limited, limousine Limpid and limbo and lime Lima and lipid and literature, liquid And listing and liter and line There's lobby and loading and loathsome and loaning And loco and then locomotion There's lotus and lottery, lobo, lobotomy Logic and loosen and lotion Lozenge and lubber and lucky and lover And lullaby, lumber and Luke Luster and luscious and lunatic, lustrous And lurking and lunar and lute

5 Minutes later:

Tord: what?

Me: Zachary, Zanzibar, zappy and zamindar Zillion and Zipcode and Zen Zany and zoning and zeal and zirconium Zodiac, zombie, zein Zigging and zagging and zealous and zebra And zenith and zap and zaffer Zeppelin and zipper and zephyr and zither Then zinc and zombini And zoo and zucchini And Zulu and Zorro Then zit and Zamora And zero and zoom and Zaire!

Toriel: A+ Although These Women Need To Get Out And I’m Allergic To Cats

Me: (Goes Super Saiyan)

Reggie: Get Out Your Done with school

Me: Fine Dickhead!

Next day:

Also Me: Who Am I?

Reggie: You Created Me I didn’t create you

Me: Well Where’s my origins?

God: You we’re Living in a orphanage almost 976 octillion years ago

Reggie: H O L Y S H I T

Bambi: H O L Y S H I T

Dave: H O L Y S H I T

Me: What? H O L Y S H I T

Arnold: hello old friend

Me: loser you were the 2nd human on earth I was the first

Arnold: coney turn on the minigun

Coney: yes honey (turns on nuclear minigun)

Me: FUCK RUN GUYS

Dave Bambi And Reggie: (Run)

Me: Fuck you arnold you never did something cool in your life

Arnold: you might be older but IM SPECIAL TO GOD

Me: I killed him and Satan along with Jesus before the entire Bible was wrote!

Reggie: Duck

Me: duck in a truck

Arnold: duck in a truck that’s stuck in the muck

Coney: Duck In A Truck That’s Stuck in the muck and the duck dosent give a fuck

Reggie: Jeez (barely dies)

Me: REGG YOU OKAY??!!!

Dave: Reggos died

Me: IMPOSSIBLE

Asirel: there’s no time just give it up

Me: Ever Heard Of Blitz Play?

Asirel: No?

Me: Well Son if Reggie’s not dead we can go do heists while he recovers okay?

Asirel: okay………

Reggie: (Recovers) hey?

Me: REGG U ARE BACK?

Reggie: yeah I heard something about a heist can I join in?

Me: Yep You Can Join In

Reggie: okay

Makio Sono: remember everything is possible he is weak a bit he can get hurt bad

Me: 7 feet tall bitch I DO WHAT I WANT

Makio sono: fine

Reggie: I’m tired

Me: okay we go to bed but I got a meeting at like 5:00am at a club

Reggie: why?

Me: just don’t ask it’s a drug dealer who sucks cock for a living

Tord: are you sure that’s safe?

Me: Tord would you make 6 million or die?

Tord: I guess

Me: THEN GO TO FUCKING BED YOU NEED TO GET UP AT 5:00AM

Tord: okay damn

5:00am:

Me: Ready ginger cat goat with green shirt and Norwegian bitch?

Tord Asirel And Reggie: I guess

Me: okay

5:34am:

Drug dealer: hey

Me: why do you look kinda familiar

Drug dealer: bc im mega man!

Me: why are you here plus I already smoked samus last month

Mega man: why!

Me: im just going in the club okay!

Reggie: okay what’s this

Me: is that Arnold?

Reggie: Tord Has To Go To The Hospital I’ll Meet You Tomorrow

Me: Okay!

Arnold: haha hey cry babie im about to make a unstoppable demon HAHAHAHA

Me: wither storms can’t stop me but they can stop the world don’t do that

Arnold: UNO REVERSE CARD

Me: NO

Witherstorm: NEHGRNGJRNGHRNGRHGNRBBHRNGHTBNTHBNFJGRN

Me: FUCK

Next day:

Me: Jupiter

Mr. Jupiter: Yes?

Me: Do You Like Melons?

Mr. Jupiter: Yeah They Help Me Shit

Me: Found This Abandoned 35 year Old Anime Girl On My Roof Know Her?

Mr. Jupiter: Yeah! That’s Melony First Of All She Isn’t Abandoned

Me: Well I Thought I Should Ask Her Out

Mr. Jupiter: Isn’t She Like With Someone Already?

Me: 🖕

Mr. Jupiter: REGGO

Reggie: What?!

Mr. Jupiter: Collin Flipped Me Off😡

Reggie: Stop Being a baby Plus Get Melony Off Your Roof Collin

Me: She Appeared there on her own!

Mothra: (Busts Door Open) Hey! Who Put Her On Your Roof?!

Me: SHE GOT THERE ON HER OWN

Reggie: Wait She Has A Pet Badger?

Mr. Jupiter: Hmm Should We Confuse Her?

Reggie: Sure For The Hell Of It

Melony: ?

Reggie: Badger, badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Mushroom! mushroom!

Mothra: Hey This Is Kinda Cool!

Reggie: A badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Badger, badger, badger

Mushroom! mushroom!

Melony: Excuse Me?

Mr. Jupiter: A badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Mush-mushroom!

Me: Hey Can I Join?

Reggie: Sure!

Mr. Jupiter: A badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Badger, badger, badger

Me Reggie And Mr. Jupiter: A snake! a snake! Snaaake! A snaaaake! Oooh! it's a snake!

Reggie: It's a badger, badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Mushroom! mushroom!

Mr. Jupiter: Badger, badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Mushroom, mushroom A badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Mushroom! mushroom!

Me: A badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Mush-mushroom!

Me Reggie And Mr. Jupiter: A snake!, a snake! Snaaake! A snaaaake! Oooh, it's a snake!

Reggie: It's a badger, badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Badger, badger, badger Mushroom! mushroom!

Melony: I Just Lost 67 Braincells In 1 minute And 13 Seconds And It Was Fun

Mothra: Melony Are You Like With Someone?

Melony: Yeah His Name Is Axol

My Brain: The FitnessGram Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal bodeboop. A sing lap should be completed every time you hear this sound. ding Remember to run in a straight line and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark. Get ready!… Start. ding﻿

Me: Why?

Melony: I Love Him

My Mind: I SHOULD TALK ABOUT MY EXPERIENCE AT GAMESTOP

Me: You Know Those Stupid GameStop Employees Always Hiding The Best Games In The Back But You Know All You Need Is To Sing The Big Chungus Anthem This Is A Example

Also Me: Hey You Got Big Chungus?

Reggie: Sorry Sold Out

Me: Chunga Chunga Chunga Chunga Chunga Chunga Chunga Chunga

Reggie: Chunga Chunga Chunga Chunga CHUNGA CHUNGA CHUNGA CHUNGA

Me: CHUNGA HOO CHUNGA HOO CHUNGA BINGA CHUNGA HOO

Reggie: CHUNGA HOO CHUNGA HOO CHUNGA BINGA CHUNGA HOO

Me: BINGA CHUNGA BINGA CHUNGA BINGA CHUNGA LALALA

Reggie: BINGA CHUNGA BINGA CHUNGA BINGA CHUNGA LALALA

Melony: Dammit Now I Kinda Like You Now

My Mind: Mission Passed Grandmas Back

Melony: (Jumps On Me) WAKE UP

Me: WHAT THE FUCK YOU YOU WANT ITS LIKE 3AM

Melony: THE NEWS HAS THE WITHER STORM ATTACKING SAN FRANCISCO!

Me: Damn The Golden Gate Bridge Is Gone Now

Also Me: Get the amulet NOW

Melony: OKAY

Me: REGGIE

Reggie: what the fuck do you need!

Me: Look At the news

Reggie: Damn

Me: ALL YOU SAY IS DAMN?! LOOK HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE DYING😡

Reggie: OKAY DAMN

Dave: Why are you so loud?

Also dave: ohhh

Me: I have a bunker underground I made in 1850 GO THERE

Reggie: Hello, everyone! This is the LONGEST TEXT EVER! I was inspired by the various other "longest texts ever" on the internet, and I wanted to make my own. So here it is! This is going to be a WORLD RECORD! This is actually my third attempt at doing this. The first time, I didn't save it. The second time, the Neocities editor crashed. Now I'm writing this in Notepad, then copying it into the Neocities editor instead of typing it directly in the Neocities editor to avoid crashing. It sucks that my past two attempts are gone now. Those actually got pretty long. Not the longest, but still pretty long. I hope this one won't get lost somehow. Anyways, let's talk about WAFFLES! I like waffles. Waffles are cool. Waffles is a funny word. There's a Teen Titans Go episode called "Waffles" where the word "Waffles" is said a hundred-something times. It's pretty annoying. There's also a Teen Titans Go episode about Pig Latin. Don't know what Pig Latin is? It's a language where you take all the consonants before the first vowel, move them to the end, and add '-ay' to the end. If the word begins with a vowel, you just add '-way' to the end. For example, "Waffles" becomes "Afflesway". I've been speaking Pig Latin fluently since the fourth grade, so it surprised me when I saw the episode for the first time. I speak Pig Latin with my sister sometimes. It's pretty fun. I like speaking it in public so that everyone around us gets confused. That's never actually happened before, but if it ever does, 'twill be pretty funny. By the way, "'twill" is a word I invented recently, and it's a contraction of "it will". I really hope it gains popularity in the near future, because "'twill" is WAY more fun than saying "it'll". "It'll" is too boring. Nobody likes boring. This is nowhere near being the longest text ever, but eventually it will be! I might still be writing this a decade later, who knows? But right now, it's not very long. But I'll just keep writing until it is the longest! Have you ever heard the song "Dau Dau" by Awesome Scampis? It's an amazing song. Look it up on YouTube! I play that song all the time around my sister! It drives her crazy, and I love it. Another way I like driving my sister crazy is by speaking my own made up language to her. She hates the languages I make! The only language that we both speak besides English is Pig Latin. I think you already knew that. Whatever. I think I'm gonna go for now. Bye! Hi, I'm back now. I'm gonna contribute more to this soon-to-be giant wall of text. I just realised I have a giant stuffed frog on my bed. I forgot his name. I'm pretty sure it was something stupid though. I think it was "FROG" in Morse Code or something. Morse Code is cool. I know a bit of it, but I'm not very good at it. I'm also not very good at French. I barely know anything in French, and my pronunciation probably sucks. But I'm learning it, at least. I'm also learning Esperanto. It's this language that was made up by some guy a long time ago to be the "universal language". A lot of people speak it. I am such a language nerd. Half of this text is probably gonna be about languages. But hey, as long as it's long! Ha, get it? As LONG as it's LONG? I'm so funny, right? No, I'm not. I should probably get some sleep. Goodnight! Hello, I'm back again. I basically have only two interests nowadays: languages and furries. What? Oh, sorry, I thought you knew I was a furry. Haha, oops. Anyway, yeah, I'm a furry, but since I'm a young furry, I can't really do as much as I would like to do in the fandom. When I'm older, I would like to have a fursuit, go to furry conventions, all that stuff. But for now I can only dream of that. Sorry you had to deal with me talking about furries, but I'm honestly very desperate for this to be the longest text ever. Last night I was watching nothing but fursuit unboxings. I think I need help. This one time, me and my mom were going to go to a furry Christmas party, but we didn't end up going because of the fact that there was alcohol on the premises, and that she didn't wanna have to be a mom dragging her son through a crowd of furries. Both of those reasons were understandable. Okay, hopefully I won't have to talk about furries anymore. I don't care if you're a furry reading this right now, I just don't wanna have to torture everyone else. I will no longer say the F word throughout the rest of this entire text. Of course, by the F word, I mean the one that I just used six times, not the one that you're probably thinking of which I have not used throughout this entire text. I just realised that next year will be 2020. That's crazy! It just feels so futuristic! It's also crazy that the 2010s decade is almost over. That decade brought be a lot of memories. In fact, it brought be almost all of my memories. It'll be sad to see it go. I'm gonna work on a series of video lessons for Toki Pona. I'll expain what Toki Pona is after I come back. Bye! I'm back now, and I decided not to do it on Toki Pona, since many other people have done Toki Pona video lessons already. I decided to do it on Viesa, my English code. Now, I shall explain what Toki Pona is. Toki Pona is a minimalist constructed language that has only ~120 words! That means you can learn it very quickly. I reccomend you learn it! It's pretty fun and easy! Anyway, yeah, I might finish my video about Viesa later. But for now, I'm gonna add more to this giant wall of text, because I want it to be the longest! It would be pretty cool to have a world record for the longest text ever. Not sure how famous I'll get from it, but it'll be cool nonetheless. Nonetheless. That's an interesting word. It's a combination of three entire words. That's pretty neat. Also, remember when I said that I said the F word six times throughout this text? I actually messed up there. I actually said it ten times (including the plural form). I'm such a liar! I struggled to spell the word "liar" there. I tried spelling it "lyer", then "lier". Then I remembered that it's "liar". At least I'm better at spelling than my sister. She's younger than me, so I guess it's understandable. "Understandable" is a pretty long word. Hey, I wonder what the most common word I've used so far in this text is. I checked, and appearantly it's "I", with 59 uses! The word "I" makes up 5% of the words this text! I would've thought "the" would be the most common, but "the" is only the second most used word, with 43 uses. "It" is the third most common, followed by "a" and "to". Congrats to those five words! If you're wondering what the least common word is, well, it's actually a tie between a bunch of words that are only used once, and I don't wanna have to list them all here. Remember when I talked about waffles near the beginning of this text? Well, I just put some waffles in the toaster, and I got reminded of the very beginnings of this longest text ever. Okay, that was literally yesterday, but I don't care. You can't see me right now, but I'm typing with my nose! Okay, I was not able to type the exclamation point with just my nose. I had to use my finger. But still, I typed all of that sentence with my nose! I'm not typing with my nose right now, because it takes too long, and I wanna get this text as long as possible quickly. I'm gonna take a break for now! Bye! Hi, I'm back again. My sister is beside me, watching me write in this endless wall of text.

. My sister has a new thing where she just says the word "poop" nonstop. I don't really like it. She also eats her own boogers. I'm not joking. She's gross like that. Also, remember when I said I put waffles in the toaster? Well, I forgot about those and I only ate them just now. Now my sister is just saying random numbers. Now she's saying that they're not random, they're the numbers being displayed on the microwave. Still, I don't know why she's doing that. Now she's making annoying clicking noises. Now she's saying that she's gonna watch Friends on three different devices. Why!?!?! Hi its me his sister. I'd like to say that all of that is not true. Max wants to make his own video but i wont let him because i need my phone for my alarm.POOP POOP POOP POOP LOL IM FUNNY.kjnbhhisdnhidfhdfhjsdjksdnjhdfhdfghdfghdfbhdfbcbhnidjsduhchyduhyduhdhcduhduhdcdhcdhjdnjdnhjsdjxnj Hey, I'm back k. Sorry about my sister. I had to seize control of the LTE from her because she was doing keymash. Keymash is just effortless. She just went back to school. She comes home from school for her lunch break. I think I'm gonna go again. Bye! Hello, I'm back. Let's compare LTE's. This one is only 8593 characters long so far. Kenneth Iman's LTE is 21425 characters long. The Flaming-Chicken LTE (the original) is a whopping 203941 characters long! I think I'll be able to surpass Kenneth Iman's not long from now. But my goal is to surpass the Flaming-Chicken LTE. Actually, I just figured out that there's an LTE longer than the Flaming-Chicken LTE. It's Hermnerps LTE, which is only slightly longer than the Flaming-Chicken LTE, at 230634 characters. My goal is to surpass THAT. Then I'll be the world record holder, I think. But I'll still be writing this even after I achieve the world record, of course. One time, I printed an entire copy of the Bee Movie script for no reason. I heard someone else say they had three copies of the Bee Movie script in their backpack, and I got inspired. But I only made one copy because I didn't want to waste THAT much paper. I still wasted quite a bit of paper, though. Now I wanna see how this LTE compares to the Bee Movie script. Okay, I checked, and the Bee Movie script is 50753 characters long. Not as long as some of the LTEs I mentioned, but still longer than mine and Kenneth Iman's combined. This LTE is getting close to 10000 characters! That means it'll be half the length of Kenneth Iman's LTE. That's pretty exciting. Also, going back to the topic of the Bee Movie Script, I tried to write the entire thing out by hand once. But I never finished it, especially since I'm focusing on this thing now. Maybe I should write this LTE out by hand. Nah, I don't think I will. Yay, we're at 10000 characters! Let's celebrate by talking about MUSIC! Music is cool. That concludes our celebratory discussion about music. Thank you, and have a good rest Hi, I'm back now, and I got a book! It's a dictionary for a language called Elefen. It's like Esperanto, but better. Now I can learn Elefen even without internet! That's pretty cool. I will now write something in Elefen. See if you can understand it! Here goes: Si tu pote leje esta, tu es merveliosa! Elefen es un lingua multe fresca! Did you understand that? Maybe you can't speak Elefen, but you still understood that because of your knowledge of other languages. Elefen is cool because it's an actual language, not an English code like Pig Latin or Viesa. Oh, I forgot to mention that my sister is back from school. She's blasting Rhett and Link songs right now. Have you seen that picture of Rhett and Link standing with a bunch of \*\*\*? Sorry, I almost said the F word there. That would've broken my rule of not saying the F word. I wrote something in Elefen, so I will also write something in Toki Pona. See if you can understand it now! sina sona e toki mi la sina pona mute a! I can speak Toki Pona fluently, by the way. It's also a pretty cool language. My sister is still playing annoying songs. It's hindering my focus right now. But it's fiiiiine. Okay, luckily she's run out of songs to play. At least for now. She's trying to think of another annoying song to play. Now she's playing a song by Green Day. Not NEARLY as bad as the other songs she just played. I should go for now. Goodbye!

Me: …

Dave: I Bet You Can’t Read The Entire Bee Movie Script

Me: According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway. Because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.” SEQ. 75 - “INTRO TO BARRY” INT. BENSON HOUSE - DAY ANGLE ON: Sneakers on the ground. Camera PANS UP to reveal BARRY BENSON’S BEDROOM ANGLE ON: Barry’s hand flipping through different sweaters in his closet. BARRY Yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black, yellow black...oohh, black and yellow... ANGLE ON: Barry wearing the sweater he picked, looking in the mirror. BARRY (CONT’D) Yeah, let’s shake it up a little. He picks the black and yellow one. He then goes to the sink, takes the top off a CONTAINER OF HONEY, and puts some honey into his hair. He squirts some in his mouth and gargles. Then he takes the lid off the bottle, and rolls some on like deodorant. CUT TO: INT. BENSON HOUSE KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, yells up at Barry. JANET BENSON Barry, breakfast is ready! CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 1. INT. BARRY’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS BARRY Coming! SFX: Phone RINGING. Barry’s antennae vibrate as they RING like a phone. Barry’s hands are wet. He looks around for a towel. BARRY (CONT’D) Hang on a second! He wipes his hands on his sweater, and pulls his antennae down to his ear and mouth. BARRY (CONT'D) Hello? His best friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, is on the other end. ADAM Barry? BARRY Adam? ADAM Can you believe this is happening? BARRY Can’t believe it. I’ll pick you up. Barry sticks his stinger in a sharpener. SFX: BUZZING AS HIS STINGER IS SHARPENED. He tests the sharpness with his finger. SFX: Bing. BARRY (CONT’D) Looking sharp. ANGLE ON: Barry hovering down the hall, sliding down the staircase bannister. Barry’s mother, JANET BENSON, is in the kitchen. JANET BENSON Barry, why don’t you use the stairs? Your father paid good money for those. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 2. BARRY Sorry, I’m excited. Barry’s father, MARTIN BENSON, ENTERS. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE, “Queen gives birth to thousandtuplets: Resting Comfortably.” MARTIN BENSON Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, Son. And a perfect report card, all B’s. JANET BENSON (mushing Barry’s hair) Very proud. BARRY Ma! I’ve got a thing going here. Barry re-adjusts his hair, starts to leave. JANET BENSON You’ve got some lint on your fuzz. She picks it off. BARRY Ow, that’s me! MARTIN BENSON Wave to us. We’ll be in row 118,000. Barry zips off. BARRY Bye! JANET BENSON Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! CUT TO: SEQ. 750 - DRIVING TO GRADUATION EXT. BEE SUBURB - MORNING A GARAGE DOOR OPENS. Barry drives out in his CAR. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 3. ANGLE ON: Barry’s friend, ADAM FLAYMAN, standing by the curb. He’s reading a NEWSPAPER with the HEADLINE: “Frisbee Hits Hive: Internet Down. Bee-stander: “I heard a sound, and next thing I knew...wham-o!.” Barry drives up, stops in front of Adam. Adam jumps in. BARRY Hey, Adam. ADAM Hey, Barry. (pointing at Barry’s hair) Is that fuzz gel? BARRY A little. It’s a special day. Finally graduating. ADAM I never thought I’d make it. BARRY Yeah, three days of grade school, three days of high school. ADAM Those were so awkward. BARRY Three days of college. I’m glad I took off one day in the middle and just hitchhiked around the hive. ADAM You did come back different. They drive by a bee who’s jogging. ARTIE Hi Barry! BARRY (to a bee pedestrian) Hey Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. Barry and Adam drive from the suburbs into the city. ADAM Hey, did you hear about Frankie? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 4. BARRY Yeah. ADAM You going to his funeral? BARRY No, I’m not going to his funeral. Everybody knows you sting someone you die, you don’t waste it on a squirrel. He was such a hot head. ADAM Yeah, I guess he could’ve just gotten out of the way. The DRIVE through a loop de loop. BARRY AND ADAM Whoa...Whooo...wheee!! ADAM I love this incorporating the amusement park right into our regular day. BARRY I guess that’s why they say we don’t need vacations. CUT TO: SEQ. 95 - GRADUATION EXT. GRADUATION CEREMONY - CONTINUOUS Barry and Adam come to a stop. They exit the car, and fly over the crowd to their seats. \* BARRY \* (re: graduation ceremony) \* Boy, quite a bit of pomp...under \* the circumstances. \* They land in their seats. BARRY (CONT’D) Well Adam, today we are men. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 5. ADAM We are. BARRY Bee-men. ADAM Amen! BARRY Hallelujah. Barry hits Adam’s forehead. Adam goes into the rapture. An announcement comes over the PA. ANNOUNCER (V.O) Students, faculty, distinguished bees...please welcome, Dean Buzzwell. ANGLE ON: DEAN BUZZWELL steps up to the podium. The podium has a sign that reads: “Welcome Graduating Class of:”, with train-station style flipping numbers after it. BUZZWELL Welcome New Hive City graduating class of... The numbers on the podium change to 9:15. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) ...9:15. (he clears his throat) And that concludes our graduation ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries. BARRY Are we going to pick our job today? ADAM I heard it’s just orientation. The rows of chairs change in transformer-like mechanical motion to Universal Studios type tour trams. Buzzwell walks off stage. BARRY (re: trams) Whoa, heads up! Here we go. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 6. SEQ. 125 - “FACTORY” FEMALE VOICE (V.O) Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. (in Spanish) Dejen las manos y antennas adentro del tram a todos tiempos. BARRY I wonder what it’s going to be like? ADAM A little scary. Barry shakes Adam. BARRY AND ADAM AAHHHH! The tram passes under SIGNS READING: “Honex: A Division of Honesco: A Part of the Hexagon Group.” TRUDY Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco, and a part of the Hexagon group. BARRY This is it! The Honex doors OPEN, revealing the factory. BARRY (CONT’D) Wow. TRUDY We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant pollen jocks bring the nectar to the hive where our top secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent adjusted and bubble contoured into this... Trudy GRABS a TEST TUBE OF HONEY from a technician. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 7. TRUDY (CONT’D) ...soothing, sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow, you all know as... EVERYONE ON THE TRAM (in unison) H-o-n-e-y. Trudy flips the flask into the crowd, and laughs as they all scramble for it. ANGLE ON: A GIRL BEE catching the honey. ADAM (sotto) That girl was hot. BARRY (sotto) She’s my cousin. ADAM She is? BARRY Yes, we’re all cousins. ADAM Right. You’re right. TRUDY At Honex, we also constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress testing a new helmet technology. ANGLE ON: A STUNT BEE in a HELMET getting hit with a NEWSPAPER, then a SHOE, then a FLYSWATTER. He gets up, and gives a “thumb’s up”. The graduate bees APPLAUD. ADAM (re: stunt bee) What do you think he makes? BARRY Not enough. TRUDY And here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 8. BARRY Wow, what does that do? TRUDY Catches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. ANGLE ON: The Krelman machine. Bees with hand-shaped hats on, rotating around a wheel to catch drips of honey. Adam’s hand shoots up. ADAM Can anyone work on the Krelman? TRUDY Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it’s done well, means a lot. There are over 3000 different bee occupations. But choose carefully, because you’ll stay in the job that you pick for the rest of your life. The bees CHEER. ANGLE ON: Barry’s smile dropping slightly. BARRY The same job for the rest of your life? I didn’t know that. ADAM What’s the difference? TRUDY And you’ll be happy to know that bees as a species haven’t had one day off in 27 million years. BARRY So you’ll just work us to death? TRUDY (laughing) We’ll sure try. Everyone LAUGHS except Barry. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 9. The tram drops down a log-flume type steep drop. Cameras flash, as all the bees throw up their hands. The frame freezes into a snapshot. Barry looks concerned. The tram continues through 2 doors. FORM DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 175 - “WALKING THE HIVE” INT. HONEX LOBBY ANGLE ON: The log-flume photo, as Barry looks at it. ADAM Wow. That blew my mind. BARRY (annoyed) “What’s the difference?” Adam, how could you say that? One job forever? That’s an insane choice to have to make. ADAM Well, I’m relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. BARRY But Adam, how could they never have told us that? ADAM Barry, why would you question anything? We’re bees. We’re the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. They walk by a newspaper stand with A SANDWICH BOARD READING: “Bee Goes Berserk: Stings Seven Then Self.” ANGLE ON: A BEE filling his car’s gas tank from a honey pump. He fills his car some, then takes a swig for himself. NEWSPAPER BEE (to the bee guzzling gas) Hey! Barry and Adam begin to cross the street. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 10. BARRY Yeah but Adam, did you ever think that maybe things work a little too well around here? They stop in the middle of the street. The traffic moves perfectly around them. ADAM Like what? Give me one example. BARRY (thinks) ...I don’t know. But you know what I’m talking about. They walk off. SEQ. 400 - “MEET THE JOCKS” SFX: The SOUND of Pollen Jocks. PAN DOWN from the Honex statue. J-GATE ANNOUNCER Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Royal Nectar Force on approach. BARRY Wait a second. Check it out. Hey, hey, those are Pollen jocks. ADAM Wow. FOUR PATROL BEES FLY in through the hive’s giant Gothic entrance. The Patrol Bees are wearing fighter pilot helmets with black visors. ADAM (CONT’D) I’ve never seen them this close. BARRY They know what it’s like to go outside the hive. ADAM Yeah, but some of them don’t come back. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 11. The nectar from the pollen jocks is removed from their backpacks, and loaded into trucks on their way to Honex. A SMALL CROWD forms around the Patrol Bees. Each one has a PIT CREW that takes their nectar. Lou Loduca hurries a pit crew along: LOU LODUCA You guys did great! You’re monsters. You’re sky freaks! I love it! I love it! SCHOOL GIRLS are jumping up and down and squealing nearby. BARRY I wonder where those guys have just been? ADAM I don’t know. BARRY Their day’s not planned. Outside the hive, flying who-knows-where, doing who-knows-what. ADAM You can’t just decide one day to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. BARRY Right. Pollen Jocks cross in close proximity to Barry and Adam. Some pollen falls off, onto Barry and Adam. BARRY (CONT’D) Look at that. That’s more pollen than you and I will ever see in a lifetime. ADAM (playing with the pollen) It’s just a status symbol. I think bees make too big a deal out of it. BARRY Perhaps, unless you’re wearing it, and the ladies see you wearing it. ANGLE ON: Two girl bees. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 12. ADAM Those ladies? Aren’t they our cousins too? BARRY Distant, distant. ANGLE ON: TWO POLLEN JOCKS. JACKSON Look at these two. SPLITZ Couple of Hive Harrys. JACKSON Let’s have some fun with them. The pollen jocks approach. Barry and Adam continue to talk to the girls. GIRL 1 It must be so dangerous being a pollen jock. BARRY Oh yeah, one time a bear had me pinned up against a mushroom. He had one paw on my throat, and with the other he was slapping me back and forth across the face. GIRL 1 Oh my. BARRY I never thought I’d knock him out. GIRL 2 (to Adam) And what were you doing during all of this? ADAM Obviously I was trying to alert the authorities. The girl swipes some pollen off of Adam with a finger. BARRY (re: pollen) I can autograph that if you want. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 13. JACKSON Little gusty out there today, wasn’t it, comrades? BARRY Yeah. Gusty. BUZZ You know, we’re going to hit a sunflower patch about six miles from here tomorrow. BARRY Six miles, huh? ADAM (whispering) Barry. BUZZ It’s a puddle-jump for us. But maybe you’re not up for it. BARRY Maybe I am. ADAM (whispering louder) You are not! BUZZ We’re going, oh-nine hundred at JGate. ADAM (re: j-gate) Whoa. BUZZ (leaning in, on top of Barry) What do you think, Buzzy Boy? Are you bee enough? BARRY I might be. It all depends on what oh-nine hundred means. CUT TO: SEQ. 450 - “THE BALCONY” "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 14. INT. BENSON HOUSE BALCONY - LATER Barry is standing on the balcony alone, looking out over the city. Martin Benson ENTERS, sneaks up behind Barry and gooses him in his ribs. MARTIN BENSON Honex! BARRY Oh, Dad. You surprised me. MARTIN BENSON (laughing) Have you decided what you’re interested in, Son? BARRY Well, there’s a lot of choices. MARTIN BENSON But you only get one. Martin LAUGHS. BARRY Dad, do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? MARTIN BENSON Son, let me tell you something about stirring. (making the stirring motion) You grab that stick and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm, it’s a beautiful thing. BARRY You know dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn’t right for me. MARTIN BENSON And you were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That’s a bad job for a guy with a stinger. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 15. BARRY Well no... MARTIN BENSON Janet, your son’s not sure he wants to go into honey. JANET BENSON Oh Barry, you are so funny sometimes. BARRY I’m not trying to be funny. MARTIN BENSON You’re not funny, you’re going into honey. Our son, the stirrer. JANET BENSON You’re going to be a stirrer?! BARRY No one’s listening to me. MARTIN BENSON Wait until you see the sticks I have for you. BARRY I can say anything I want right now. I’m going to get an ant tattoo. JANET BENSON Let’s open some fresh honey and celebrate. BARRY Maybe I’ll pierce my thorax! MARTIN BENSON (toasting) To honey! BARRY Shave my antennae! JANET BENSON To honey! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 16. BARRY Shack up with a grasshopper, get a gold tooth, and start calling everybody “Dawg.” CUT TO: SEQ. 760 - “JOB PLACEMENT” EXT. HONEX LOBBY - CONTINUOUS ANGLE ON: A BEE BUS STOP. One group of bees stands on the pavement, as another group hovers above them. A doubledecker bus pulls up. The hovering bees get on the top level, and the standing bees get on the bottom. Barry and Adam pull up outside of Honex. ADAM I can’t believe we’re starting work today. BARRY Today’s the day. Adam jumps out of the car. ADAM (O.C) Come on. All the good jobs will be gone. BARRY Yeah, right... ANGLE ON: A BOARD READING: “JOB PLACEMENT BOARD”. Buzzwell, the Bee Processor, is at the counter. Another BEE APPLICANT, SANDY SHRIMPKIN is EXITING. SANDY SHRIMPKIN Is it still available? BUZZWELL Hang on. (he looks at changing numbers on the board) Two left. And...one of them’s yours. Congratulations Son, step to the side please. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 17. SANDY SHRIMPKIN Yeah! ADAM (to Sandy, leaving) What did you get? SANDY SHRIMPKIN Picking the crud out. That is stellar! ADAM Wow. BUZZWELL (to Adam and Barry) Couple of newbies? ADAM Yes Sir. Our first day. We are ready. BUZZWELL Well, step up and make your choice. ANGLE ON: A CHART listing the different sectors of Honex. Heating, Cooling, Viscosity, Krelman, Pollen Counting, Stunt Bee, Pouring, Stirrer, Humming, Regurgitating, Front Desk, Hair Removal, Inspector No. 7, Chef, Lint Coordinator, Stripe Supervisor, Antennae-ball polisher, Mite Wrangler, Swatting Counselor, Wax Monkey, Wing Brusher, Hive Keeper, Restroom Attendant. ADAM (to Barry) You want to go first? BARRY No, you go. ADAM Oh my. What’s available? BUZZWELL Restroom attendant is always open, and not for the reason you think. ADAM Any chance of getting on to the Krelman, Sir? BUZZWELL Sure, you’re on. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 18. He plops the KRELMAN HAT onto Adam’s head. ANGLE ON: The job board. THE COLUMNS READ: “OCCUPATION” “POSITIONS AVAILABLE”, and “STATUS”. The middle column has numbers, and the right column has job openings flipping between “open”, “pending”, and “closed”. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) Oh, I’m sorry. The Krelman just closed out. ADAM Oh! He takes the hat off Adam. BUZZWELL Wax Monkey’s always open. The Krelman goes from “Closed” to “Open”. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) And the Krelman just opened up again. ADAM What happened? BUZZWELL Well, whenever a bee dies, that’s an opening. (pointing at the board) See that? He’s dead, dead, another dead one, deady, deadified, two more dead. Dead from the neck up, dead from the neck down. But, that’s life. ANGLE ON: Barry’s disturbed expression. ADAM (feeling pressure to decide) Oh, this is so hard. Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector no. 7, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, antenna-ball polisher, mite wrangler-- Barry, Barry, what do you think I should-- Barry? Barry? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 19. Barry is gone. CUT TO: SEQ. 775 - “LOU LODUCA SPEECH” EXT. J-GATE - SAME TIME Splitz, Jackson, Buzz, Lou and two other BEES are going through final pre-flight checks. Barry ENTERS. LOU LODUCA Alright, we’ve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine. Geranium window box on Sutton Place... Barry’s antennae rings, like a phone. ADAM (V.O) What happened to you? Where are you? Barry whispers throughout. BARRY I’m going out. ADAM (V.O) Out? Out where? BARRY Out there. ADAM (V.O) (putting it together) Oh no. BARRY I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. ADAM (V.O) You’re going to die! You’re crazy! Hello? BARRY Oh, another call coming in. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 20. ADAM (V.O) You’re cra-- Barry HANGS UP. ANGLE ON: Lou Loduca. LOU LODUCA If anyone’s feeling brave, there’s a Korean Deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. BARRY (timidly) Hey guys. BUZZ Well, look at that. SPLITZ Isn’t that the kid we saw yesterday? LOU LODUCA (to Barry) Hold it son, flight deck’s restricted. JACKSON It’s okay Lou, we’re going to take him up. Splitz and Jackson CHUCKLE. LOU LODUCA Really? Feeling lucky, are ya? A YOUNGER SMALLER BEE THAN BARRY, CHET, runs up with a release waiver for Barry to sign. CHET Sign here. Here. Just initial that. Thank you. LOU LODUCA Okay, you got a rain advisory today and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, (reading off clipboard) watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears, and bats. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 21. Also, I got a couple reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy’s in a home because of it, just babbling like a cicada. BARRY That’s awful. LOU LODUCA And a reminder for all you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans. Alright, launch positions! The Jocks get into formation, chanting as they move. LOU LODUCA (CONT’D) Black and Yellow! JOCKS Hello! SPLITZ (to Barry) Are you ready for this, hot shot? BARRY Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Barry NODS, terrified. BUZZ Wind! - CHECK! JOCK #1 Antennae! - CHECK! JOCK #2 Nectar pack! - CHECK! JACKSON Wings! - CHECK! SPLITZ Stinger! - CHECK! BARRY Scared out of my shorts - CHECK. LOU LODUCA Okay ladies, let’s move it out. Everyone FLIPS their goggles down. Pit crew bees CRANK their wings, and remove the starting blocks. We hear loud HUMMING. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 22. LOU LODUCA (CONT'D) LOU LODUCA (CONT’D) Pound those petunia's, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! A FLIGHT DECK GUY in deep crouch hand-signals them out the archway as the backwash from the bee wings FLUTTERS his jump suit. Barry follows everyone. SEQ. 800 - “FLYING WITH THE JOCKS” The bees climb above tree tops in formation. Barry is euphoric. BARRY Whoa! I’m out! I can’t believe I’m out! So blue. Ha ha ha! (a beat) I feel so fast...and free. (re: kites in the sky) Box kite! Wow! They fly by several bicyclists, and approach a patch of flowers. BARRY (CONT'D) Flowers! SPLITZ This is blue leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around thirty degrees and hold. BARRY (sotto) Roses. JACKSON Thirty degrees, roger, bringing it around. Many pollen jocks break off from the main group. They use their equipment to collect nectar from flowers. Barry flies down to watch the jocks collect the nectar. JOCK Stand to the side kid, it’s got a bit of a kick. The jock fires the gun, and recoils. Barry watches the gun fill up with nectar. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 23. BARRY Oh, that is one Nectar Collector. JOCK You ever see pollination up close? BARRY No, Sir. He takes off, and the excess pollen dust falls causing the flowers to come back to life. JOCK (as he pollinates) I pick some pollen up over here, sprinkle it over here, maybe a dash over there, pinch on that one...see that? It’s a little bit of magic, ain’t it? The FLOWERS PERK UP as he pollinates. BARRY Wow. That’s amazing. Why do we do that? JOCK ...that’s pollen power, Kid. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. BARRY Cool. The Jock WINKS at Barry. Barry rejoins the other jocks in the sky. They swoop in over a pond, kissing the surface. We see their image reflected in the water; they’re really moving. They fly over a fountain. BUZZ I’m picking up a lot of bright yellow, could be daisies. Don’t we need those? SPLITZ Copy that visual. We see what appear to be yellow flowers on a green field. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 24. They go into a deep bank and dive. BUZZ Hold on, one of these flowers seems to be on the move. SPLITZ Say again...Are you reporting a moving flower? BUZZ Affirmative. SEQ. 900 - “TENNIS GAME” The pollen jocks land. It is a tennis court with dozens of tennis balls. A COUPLE, VANESSA and KEN, plays tennis. The bees land right in the midst of a group of balls. KEN (O.C) That was on the line! The other bees start walking around amongst the immense, yellow globes. SPLITZ This is the coolest. What is it? They stop at a BALL on a white line and look up at it. JACKSON I don’t know, but I’m loving this color. SPLITZ (smelling tennis ball) Smells good. Not like a flower. But I like it. JACKSON Yeah, fuzzy. BUZZ Chemical-y. JACKSON Careful, guys, it’s a little grabby. Barry LANDS on a ball and COLLAPSES. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 25. BARRY Oh my sweet lord of bees. JACKSON Hey, candy brain, get off there! Barry attempts to pulls his legs off, but they stick. BARRY Problem! A tennis shoe and a hand ENTER FRAME. The hand picks up the ball with Barry underneath it. BARRY (CONT'D) Guys! BUZZ This could be bad. JACKSON Affirmative. Vanessa walks back to the service line, BOUNCES the ball. Each time it BOUNCES, the other bees cringe and GASP. ANGLE ON: Barry, terrified. Pure dumb luck, he’s not getting squished. BARRY (with each bounce) Very close...Gonna Hurt...Mamma’s little boy. SPLITZ You are way out of position, rookie. ANGLE ON: Vanessa serving. We see Barry and the ball up against the racket as she brings it back. She tosses the ball into the air; Barry’s eyes widen. The ball is STRUCK, and the rally is on. KEN Coming in at you like a missile! Ken HITS the ball back. Barry feels the g-forces. ANGLE ON: The Pollen Jocks watching Barry pass by them in SLOW MOTION. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 26. BARRY (in slow motion) Help me! JACKSON You know, I don't think these are flowers. SPLITZ Should we tell him? JACKSON I think he knows. BARRY (O.S) What is this?! Vanessa HITS a high arcing lob. Ken waits, poised for the return. We see Barry having trouble maneuvering the ball from fatigue. KEN (overly confident) Match point! ANGLE ON: Ken running up. He has a killer look in his eyes. He’s going to hit the ultimate overhead smash. KEN (CONT'D) You can just start packing up Honey, because I believe you’re about to eat it! ANGLE ON: Pollen Jocks. JACKSON Ahem! Ken is distracted by the jock. KEN What? No! He misses badly. The ball rockets into oblivion. Barry is still hanging on. ANGLE ON: Ken, berating himself. KEN (CONT’D) Oh, you cannot be serious. We hear the ball WHISTLING, and Barry SCREAMING. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 27. BARRY Yowser!!! SEQ. 1000 - “SUV” The ball flies through the air, and lands in the middle of the street. It bounces into the street again, and sticks in the grille of an SUV. INT. CAR ENGINE - CONTINUOUS BARRY’S POV: the grille of the SUV sucks him up. He tumbles through a black tunnel, whirling vanes, and pistons. BARRY AHHHHHHHHHHH!! OHHHH!! EECHHH!! AHHHHHH!! Barry gets chilled by the A/C system, and sees a frozen grasshopper. BARRY (CONT’D) (re: grasshopper) Eww, gross. CUT TO: INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS The car is packed with a typical suburban family: MOTHER, FATHER, eight-year old BOY, LITTLE GIRL in a car seat and a GRANDMOTHER. A big slobbery DOG is behind a grate. Barry pops into the passenger compartment, hitting the Mother’s magazine. MOTHER There’s a bee in the car! They all notice the bee and start SCREAMING. BARRY Aaahhhh! Barry tumbles around the car. We see the faces from his POV. MOTHER Do something! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 28. FATHER I’m driving! Barry flies by the little girl in her CAR SEAT. She waves hello. LITTLE GIRL Hi, bee. SON He’s back here! He’s going to sting me! The car SWERVES around the road. Barry flies into the back, where the slobbery dog SNAPS at him. Barry deftly avoids the jaws and gross, flying SPITTLE. MOTHER Nobody move. If you don’t move, he won’t sting you. Freeze! Everyone in the car freezes. Barry freezes. They stare at each other, eyes going back and forth, waiting to see who will make the first move. Barry blinks. GRANNY He blinked! Granny pulls out a can of HAIR SPRAY. SON Spray him, Granny! Granny sprays the hair spray everywhere. FATHER What are you doing? GRANNY It’s hair spray! Extra hold! MOTHER Kill it! Barry gets sprayed back by the hair spray, then sucked out of the sunroof. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 29. EXT. CITY STREET - CONTINUOUS BARRY Wow. The tension level out here is unbelievable. I’ve got to get home. As Barry flies down the street, it starts to RAIN. He nimbly avoids the rain at first. BARRY (CONT’D) Whoa. Whoa! Can’t fly in rain! Can’t fly in rain! Can’t fly in-- A couple of drops hit him, his wings go limp and he starts falling. BARRY (CONT'D) Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Barry sees a window ledge and aims for it and just makes it. Shivering and exhausted, he crawls into an open window as it CLOSES. SEQ. 1100 - “VANESSA SAVES BARRY” INT. VANESSA’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Inside the window, Barry SHAKES off the rain like a dog. Vanessa, Ken, Andy, and Anna ENTER the apartment. VANESSA Ken, can you close the window please? KEN Huh? Oh. (to Andy) Hey, check out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? It folds out. Ken holds up his brochure, with photos of himself, and a resume in the middle. ANGLE ON: Barry hiding behind the curtains, as Ken CLOSES THE WINDOW. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 30. BARRY Oh no, more humans. I don’t need this. Barry HOVERS up into the air and THROWS himself into the glass. BARRY (CONT’D) (dazed) Ow! What was that? He does it again, and then multiple more times. BARRY (CONT'D) Maybe this time...this time, this time, this time, this time, this time, this time, this time. Barry JUMPS onto the drapes. BARRY (CONT'D) (out of breath) Drapes! (then, re: glass) That is diabolical. KEN It’s fantastic. It’s got all my special skills, even my top ten favorite movies. ANDY What’s your number one? Star Wars? KEN Ah, I don’t go for that, (makes Star Wars noises), kind of stuff. ANGLE ON: Barry. BARRY No wonder we’re not supposed to talk to them. They’re out of their minds. KEN When I walk out of a job interview they’re flabbergasted. They can’t believe the things I say. Barry looks around and sees the LIGHT BULB FIXTURE in the middle of the ceiling. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 31. BARRY (re: light bulb) Oh, there’s the sun. Maybe that’s a way out. Barry takes off and heads straight for the light bulb. His POV: The seventy-five watt label grows as he gets closer. BARRY (CONT’D) I don’t remember the sun having a big seventy five on it. Barry HITS the bulb and is KNOCKED SILLY. He falls into a BOWL OF GUACAMOLE. Andy dips his chip in the guacamole, taking Barry with it. ANGLE ON: Ken and Andy. KEN I’ll tell you what. You know what? I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Barry’s POV: Giant human mouth opening. KEN (CONT’D) Wait! Stop! Beeeeeee! ANNA Kill it! Kill it! They all JUMP up from their chairs. Andy looks around for something to use. Ken comes in for the kill with a big TIMBERLAND BOOT on each hand. KEN Stand back. These are winter boots. Vanessa ENTERS, and stops Ken from squashing Barry. VANESSA (grabs Ken’s arm) Wait. Don’t kill him. CLOSE UP: on Barry’s puzzled face. KEN You know I’m allergic to them. This thing could kill me. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 32. VANESSA Why does his life have any less value than yours? She takes a GLASS TUMBLER and places it over Barry. KEN Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? VANESSA I’m just saying, all life has value. You don’t know what he’s capable of feeling. Barry looks up through the glass and watches this conversation, astounded. Vanessa RIPS Ken’s resume in half and SLIDES it under the glass. KEN (wistful) My brochure. There’s a moment of eye contact as she carries Barry to the window. She opens it and sets him free. VANESSA There you go, little guy. KEN (O.C) I’m not scared of them. But, you know, it’s an allergic thing. ANDY (O.C) \* Hey, why don’t you put that on your \* resume-brochure? \* KEN (O.C) It’s not funny, my whole face could puff up. ANDY (O.C) Make it one of your “Special Skills.” KEN (O.C) You know, knocking someone out is also a special skill. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 33. EXT. WINDOWSILL - CONTINUOUS Barry stares over the window frame. He can’t believe what’s just happened. It is still RAINING. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 1200 - “BARRY SPEAKS” EXT. WINDOWSILL - LATER Barry is still staring through the window. Inside, everyone’s saying their good-byes. KEN Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? VANESSA Uh, yeah sure Ken. You know, whatever. KEN You can put carob chips on there. VANESSA Good night. KEN (as he exits) Supposed to be less calories, or something. VANESSA Bye. She shuts the door. Vanessa starts cleaning up. BARRY I’ve got to say something. She saved my life. I’ve got to say something. Alright, here it goes. Barry flies in. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 34. INT. VANESSA’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS Barry hides himself on different PRODUCTS placed along the kitchen shelves. He hides on a Bumblebee Tuna can, and a “Greetings From Coney Island” MUSCLE-MAN POSTCARD on the fridge. BARRY (on fridge) What would I say? (landing on a bottle) I could really get in trouble. He stands looking at Vanessa. BARRY (CONT'D) It’s a bee law. You’re not supposed to talk to a human. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’ve got to. Oh, I can’t do it! Come on! No, yes, no, do it! I can’t. How should I start it? You like jazz? No, that’s no good. Here she comes. Speak, you fool. As Vanessa walks by, Barry takes a DEEP BREATH. BARRY (CONT’D) (cheerful) Umm...hi. Vanessa DROPS A STACK OF DISHES, and HOPS BACK. BARRY (CONT’D) I’m sorry. VANESSA You’re talking. BARRY Yes, I know, I know. VANESSA You’re talking. BARRY I know, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. VANESSA It’s okay. It’s fine. It’s just, I know I’m dreaming, but I don’t recall going to bed. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 35. BARRY Well, you know I’m sure this is very disconcerting. VANESSA Well yeah. I mean this is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean...you’re a bee. BARRY Yeah, I am a bee, and you know I’m not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me and if it wasn’t for you...I mean, I had to thank you. It’s just the way I was raised. Vanessa intentionally JABS her hand with a FORK. VANESSA Ow! BARRY That was a little weird. VANESSA (to herself) I’m talking to a bee. BARRY Yeah. VANESSA I’m talking to a bee. BARRY Anyway... VANESSA And a bee is talking to me... BARRY I just want you to know that I’m grateful, and I’m going to leave now. VANESSA Wait, wait, wait, wait, how did you learn to do that? BARRY What? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 36. VANESSA The talking thing. BARRY Same way you did, I guess. Mama, Dada, honey, you pick it up. VANESSA That’s very funny. BARRY Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn’t laugh, we’d cry. With what we have to deal with. Vanessa LAUGHS. BARRY (CONT’D) Anyway. VANESSA Can I, uh, get you something? BARRY Like what? VANESSA I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know. Coffee? BARRY Well, uh, I don’t want to put you out. VANESSA It’s no trouble. BARRY Unless you’re making anyway. VANESSA Oh, it takes two minutes. BARRY Really? VANESSA It’s just coffee. BARRY I hate to impose. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 37. VANESSA Don’t be ridiculous. BARRY Actually, I would love a cup. VANESSA Hey, you want a little rum cake? BARRY I really shouldn’t. VANESSA Have a little rum cake. BARRY No, no, no, I can’t. VANESSA Oh, come on. BARRY You know, I’m trying to lose a couple micrograms here. VANESSA Where? BARRY Well... These stripes don’t help. VANESSA You look great. BARRY I don’t know if you know anything about fashion. Vanessa starts POURING the coffee through an imaginary cup and directly onto the floor. BARRY (CONT'D) Are you alright? VANESSA No. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 1300 - “ROOFTOP COFFEE” "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 38. EXT. VANESSA’S ROOF - LATER Barry and Vanessa are drinking coffee on her roof terrace. He is perched on her keychain. BARRY ...He can’t get a taxi. He’s making the tie in the cab, as they’re flying up Madison. So he finally gets there. VANESSA Uh huh? BARRY He runs up the steps into the church, the wedding is on... VANESSA Yeah? BARRY ...and he says, watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. VANESSA Uh huh? BARRY Why would I marry a watermelon? Barry laughs. Vanessa doesn’t. VANESSA Oh! Is that, uh, a bee joke? BARRY Yeah, that’s the kind of stuff that we do. VANESSA Yeah, different. A BEAT. VANESSA (CONT’D) So anyway...what are you going to do, Barry? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 39. BARRY About work? I don’t know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can’t do it the way they want. VANESSA I know how you feel. BARRY You do? VANESSA Sure, my parents wanted me to be a lawyer or doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. BARRY Really? VANESSA My only interest is flowers. BARRY Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. VANESSA Oh. BARRY Anyway, see there’s my hive, right there. You can see it. VANESSA Oh, you’re in Sheep Meadow. BARRY (excited) Yes! You know the turtle pond? VANESSA Yes? BARRY I’m right off of that. VANESSA Oh, no way. I know that area. Do you know I lost a toe-ring there once? BARRY Really? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 40. VANESSA Yes. BARRY Why do girls put rings on their toes? VANESSA Why not? BARRY I don’t know. It’s like putting a hat on your knee. VANESSA Really? Okay. A JANITOR in the background changes a LIGHTBULB. To him, it appears that Vanessa is talking to an imaginary friend. JANITOR You all right, ma’am? VANESSA Oh, yeah, fine. Just having two cups of coffee. BARRY Anyway, this has been great. (wiping his mouth) Thanks for the coffee. Barry gazes at Vanessa. VANESSA Oh yeah, it’s no trouble. BARRY Sorry I couldn’t finish it. Vanessa giggles. BARRY (CONT'D) (re: coffee) If I did, I’d be up the rest of my life. Ummm. Can I take a piece of this with me? VANESSA Sure. Here, have a crumb. She takes a CRUMB from the plate and hands it to Barry. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 41. BARRY (a little dreamy) Oh, thanks. VANESSA Yeah. There is an awkward pause. BARRY Alright, well then, I guess I’ll see you around, or not, or... VANESSA Okay Barry. BARRY And thank you so much again, for before. VANESSA Oh that? BARRY Yeah. VANESSA Oh, that was nothing. BARRY Well, not nothing, but, anyway... Vanessa extends her hand, and shakes Barry’s gingerly. The Janitor watches. The lightbulb shorts out. The Janitor FALLS. CUT TO: SEQ. 1400 - “HONEX” INT. HONEX BUILDING - NEXT DAY ANGLE ON: A TEST BEE WEARING A PARACHUTE is in a wind tunnel, hovering through increasingly heavy wind. SIGNS UNDER A FLASHING LIGHT READ: “Test In Progress” & “Hurricane Survival Test”. 2 BEES IN A LAB COATS are observing behind glass. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 42. LAB COAT BEE 1 This can’t possibly work. LAB COAT BEE 2 Well, he’s all set to go, we may as well try it. (into the mic) Okay Dave, pull the chute. The test bee opens his parachute. He’s instantly blown against the rear wall. Adam and Barry ENTER. ADAM Sounds amazing. BARRY Oh, it was amazing. It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. ADAM Humans! Humans! I can’t believe you were with humans! Giant scary humans! What were they like? BARRY Huge and crazy. They talk crazy, they eat crazy giant things. They drive around real crazy. ADAM And do they try and kill you like on TV? BARRY Some of them. But some of them don’t. ADAM How’d you get back? BARRY Poodle. ADAM Look, you did it. And I’m glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see out there, you had your “experience”, and now you’re back, you can pick out your job, and everything can be normal. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 43. ANGLE ON: LAB BEES examining a CANDY CORN through a microscope. BARRY Well... ADAM Well? BARRY Well, I met someone. ADAM You met someone? Was she Bee-ish? BARRY Mmm. ADAM Not a WASP? Your parents will kill you. BARRY No, no, no, not a wasp. ADAM Spider? BARRY You know, I’m not attracted to the spiders. I know to everyone else it’s like the hottest thing with the eight legs and all. I can’t get by that face. Barry makes a spider face. ADAM So, who is she? BARRY She’s a human. ADAM Oh no, no, no, no. That didn’t happen. You didn’t do that. That is a bee law. You wouldn’t break a bee law. BARRY Her name’s Vanessa. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 44. ADAM Oh, oh boy! BARRY She’s so-o nice. And she’s a florist! ADAM Oh, no. No, no, no! You’re dating a human florist? BARRY We’re not dating. ADAM You’re flying outside the hive. You’re talking to human beings that attack our homes with power washers and M-80’s. That’s 1/8 of a stick of dynamite. BARRY She saved my life. And she understands me. ADAM This is over. Barry pulls out the crumb. BARRY Eat this. Barry stuffs the crumb into Adam’s face. ADAM This is not over. What was that? BARRY They call it a crumb. ADAM That was SO STINGING STRIPEY! BARRY And that’s not even what they eat. That just falls off what they eat. Do you know what a Cinnabon is? ADAM No. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 45. BARRY It’s bread... ADAM Come in here! BARRY and cinnamon, ADAM Be quiet! BARRY and frosting...they heat it up-- ADAM Sit down! INT. ADAM’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS BARRY Really hot! ADAM Listen to me! We are not them. We’re us. There’s us and there’s them. BARRY Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning... Barry rolls his chair down the corridor. ADAM There’s no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. ANOTHER BEE JOINS IN. ANOTHER BEE Thinking bee. WIDER SHOT AS A 3RD BEE ENTERS, popping up over the cubicle wall. 3RD BEE Thinking bee. EVEN WIDER SHOT AS ALL THE BEES JOIN IN. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 46. OTHER BEES Thinking bee. Thinking bee. Thinking bee. CUT TO: SEQ. 1500 - “POOLSIDE NAGGING” EXT. BACKYARD PARENT’S HOUSE - DAY Barry sits on a RAFT in a hexagon honey pool, legs dangling into the water. Janet Benson and Martin Benson stand over him wearing big, sixties sunglasses and cabana-type outfits. The sun shines brightly behind their heads. JANET BENSON (O.C) There he is. He’s in the pool. MARTIN BENSON You know what your problem is, Barry? BARRY I’ve got to start thinking bee? MARTIN BENSON Barry, how much longer is this going to go on? It’s been three days. I don’t understand why you’re not working. BARRY Well, I’ve got a lot of big life decisions I’m thinking about. MARTIN BENSON What life? You have no life! You have no job! You’re barely a bee! Barry throws his hands in the air. BARRY Augh. JANET BENSON Would it kill you to just make a little honey? Barry ROLLS off the raft and SINKS to the bottom of the pool. We hear his parents’ MUFFLED VOICES from above the surface. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 47. JANET BENSON (CONT'D) (muffled) Barry, come out from under there. Your father’s talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? MARTIN BENSON Barry, I’m talking to you. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. PICNIC AREA - DAY MUSIC: “Sugar Sugar” by the Archies. Barry and Vanessa are having a picnic. A MOSQUITO lands on Vanessa’s leg. She SWATS it violently. Barry’s head whips around, aghast. They stare at each other awkwardly in a frozen moment, then BURST INTO HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER. Vanessa GETS UP. VANESSA You coming? BARRY Got everything? VANESSA All set. Vanessa gets into a one-man Ultra Light plane with a black and yellow paint scheme. She puts on her helmet. BARRY You go ahead, I’ll catch up. VANESSA (come hither wink) Don’t be too long. The Ultra Light takes off. Barry catches up. They fly sideby-side. VANESSA (CONT’D) Watch this! Vanessa does a loop, and FLIES right into the side of a mountain, BURSTING into a huge ball of flames. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 48. BARRY (yelling, anguished) Vanessa! EXT. BARRY’S PARENT’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS ANGLE ON: Barry’s face bursting through the surface of the pool, GASPING for air, eyes opening in horror. MARTIN BENSON We’re still here, Barry. JANET BENSON I told you not to yell at him. He doesn’t respond when you yell at him. MARTIN BENSON Then why are you yelling at me? JANET BENSON Because you don’t listen. MARTIN BENSON I’m not listening to this. Barry is toweling off, putting on his sweater. BARRY Sorry Mom, I’ve got to go. JANET BENSON Where are you going? BARRY Nowhere. I’m meeting a friend. Barry JUMPS off the balcony and EXITS. JANET BENSON (calling after him) A girl? Is this why you can’t decide? BARRY Bye! JANET BENSON I just hope she’s Bee-ish. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 49. SEQ. 1700 - “STREETWALK/SUPERMARKET” EXT. VANESSA’S FLORIST SHOP - DAY Vanessa FLIPS the sign to say “Sorry We Missed You”, and locks the door. ANGLE ON: A POSTER on Vanessa’s door for the Tournament of Roses Parade in Pasadena. BARRY So they have a huge parade of just flowers every year in Pasadena? VANESSA Oh, to be in the Tournament of Roses, that’s every florist’s dream. Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. BARRY Wow, a tournament. Do the roses actually compete in athletic events? VANESSA No. Alright, I’ve got one. How come you don’t fly everywhere? BARRY It’s exhausting. Why don’t you run everywhere? VANESSA Hmmm. BARRY Isn’t that faster? VANESSA Yeah, okay. I see, I see. Alright, your turn. Barry and Vanessa walk/fly down a New York side street, no other pedestrians near them. BARRY Ah! Tivo. You can just freeze live TV? That’s insane. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 50. VANESSA What, you don’t have anything like that? BARRY We have Hivo, but it’s a disease. It’s a horrible, horrible disease. VANESSA Oh my. They turn the corner onto a busier avenue and people start to swat at Barry. MAN Dumb bees! VANESSA You must just want to sting all those jerks. BARRY We really try not to sting. It’s usually fatal for us. VANESSA So you really have to watch your temper? They ENTER a SUPERMARKET. CUT TO: INT. SUPERMARKET BARRY Oh yeah, very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. You work through it like any emotion-- anger, jealousy, (under his breath) lust. Barry hops on top of some cardboard boxes in the middle of an aisle. A stock boy, HECTOR, whacks him with a rolled up magazine. VANESSA (to Barry) Oh my goodness. Are you okay? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 51. BARRY Yeah. Whew! Vanessa WHACKS Hector over the head with the magazine. VANESSA (to Hector) What is wrong with you?! HECTOR It’s a bug. VANESSA Well he’s not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep. Vanessa pushes him, and Hector EXITS, muttering. BARRY (shaking it off) What was that, a Pick and Save circular? VANESSA Yeah, it was. How did you know? BARRY It felt like about ten pages. Seventy-five’s pretty much our limit. VANESSA Boy, you’ve really got that down to a science. BARRY Oh, we have to. I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. VANESSA I’ll bet. Barry stops, sees the wall of honey jars. BARRY What, in the name of Mighty Hercules, is this? How did this get here? Cute Bee? Golden Blossom? Ray Liotta Private Select? VANESSA Is he that actor? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 52. BARRY I never heard of him. Why is this here? VANESSA For people. We eat it. BARRY Why? (gesturing around the market) You don’t have enough food of your own? VANESSA Well yes, we-- BARRY How do you even get it? VANESSA Well, bees make it... BARRY I know who makes it! And it’s hard to make it! There’s Heating and Cooling, and Stirring...you need a whole Krelman thing. VANESSA It’s organic. BARRY It’s our-ganic! VANESSA It’s just honey, Barry. BARRY Just...what?! Bees don’t know about this. This is stealing. A lot of stealing! You’ve taken our homes, our schools, our hospitals. This is all we have. And it’s on sale? I’m going to get to the bottom of this. I’m going to get to the bottom of all of this! He RIPS the label off the Ray Liotta Private Select. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 53. SEQ. 1800 - “WINDSHIELD” EXT. BACK OF SUPERMARKET LOADING DOCK - LATER THAT DAY Barry disguises himself by blacking out his yellow lines with a MAGIC MARKER and putting on some war paint. He sees Hector, the stock boy, with a knife CUTTING open cardboard boxes filled with honey jars. MAN You almost done? HECTOR Almost. Barry steps in some honey, making a SNAPPING noise. Hector stops and turns. HECTOR (CONT’D) He is here. I sense it. Hector grabs his BOX CUTTER. Barry REACTS, hides himself behind the box again. HECTOR (CONT’D) (talking too loud, to no one in particular) Well, I guess I’ll go home now, and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. A BEAT. Hector pretends to exit. He takes a couple of steps in place. ANGLE ON: The honey jar. Barry steps out into a moody spotlight. BARRY You’re busted, box boy! HECTOR Ah ha! I knew I heard something. So, you can talk. Barry flies up, stinger out, pushing Hector up against the wall. As Hector backs up, he drops his knife. BARRY Oh, I can talk. And now you’re going to start talking. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 54. Where are you getting all the sweet stuff? Who’s your supplier?! HECTOR I don’t know what you’re talking about. I thought we were all friends. The last thing we want to do is upset any of you...bees! Hector grabs a PUSHPIN. Barry fences with his stinger. HECTOR (CONT’D) You’re too late. It’s ours now! BARRY You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword. HECTOR You, sir, are about to be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Barry and Hector get into a cross-swords, nose-to-nose confrontation. BARRY Where is the honey coming from? Barry knocks the pushpin out of his hand. Barry puts his stinger up to Hector’s nose. BARRY (CONT'D) Tell me where?! HECTOR (pointing to a truck) Honey Farms. It comes from Honey Farms. ANGLE ON: A Honey Farms truck leaving the parking lot. Barry turns, takes off after the truck through an alley. He follows the truck out onto a busy street, dodging a bus, and several cabs. CABBIE Crazy person! He flies through a metal pipe on the top of a truck. BARRY OOOHHH! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 55. BARRY (CONT'D) Barry grabs onto a bicycle messenger’s backpack. The honey farms truck starts to pull away. Barry uses the bungee cord to slingshot himself towards the truck. He lands on the windshield, where the wind plasters him to the glass. He looks up to find himself surrounded by what appear to be DEAD BUGS. He climbs across, working his way around the bodies. BARRY (CONT’D) Oh my. What horrible thing has happened here? Look at these faces. They never knew what hit them. And now they’re on the road to nowhere. A MOSQUITO opens his eyes. MOOSEBLOOD Pssst! Just keep still. BARRY What? You’re not dead? MOOSEBLOOD Do I look dead? Hey man, they will wipe anything that moves. Now, where are you headed? BARRY To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. MOOSEBLOOD I’m going to Alaska. Moose blood. Crazy stuff. Blows your head off. LADYBUG I’m going to Tacoma. BARRY (to fly) What about you? MOOSEBLOOD He really is dead. BARRY Alright. The WIPER comes towards them. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 56. MOOSEBLOOD Uh oh. BARRY What is that? MOOSEBLOOD Oh no! It’s a wiper, triple blade! BARRY Triple blade? MOOSEBLOOD Jump on. It’s your only chance, bee. They hang on as the wiper goes back and forth. MOOSEBLOOD (CONT'D) (yelling to the truck driver through the glass) Why does everything have to be so dog-gone clean?! How much do you people need to see? Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! CUT TO: INT. TRUCK CAB SFX: Radio. RADIO VOICE For NPR News in Washington, I’m Carl Kasell. EXT. TRUCK WINDSHIELD MOOSEBLOOD But don’t kill no more bugs! The Mosquito is FLUNG off of the wiper. MOOSEBLOOD (CONT'D) Beeeeeeeeeeeeee! BARRY Moose blood guy! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 57. Barry slides toward the end of the wiper, is thrown off, but he grabs the AERIAL and hangs on for dear life. Barry looks across and sees a CRICKET on another vehicle in the exact same predicament. They look at each other and SCREAM in unison. BARRY AND CRICKET Aaaaaaaaaah! ANOTHER BUG grabs onto the aerial, and screams as well. INT. TRUCK CAB - SAME TIME DRIVER You hear something? TRUCKER PASSENGER Like what? DRIVER Like tiny screaming. TRUCKER PASSENGER Turn off the radio. The driver reaches down and PRESSES a button, lowering the aerial. EXT. TRUCK WINDSHIELD - SAME TIME Barry and the other bug do a “choose up” to the bottom, Barry wins. BARRY Aha! Then he finally has to let go and gets thrown into the truck horn atop cab. Mooseblood is inside. MOOSEBLOOD Hey, what’s up bee boy? BARRY Hey, Blood! DISSOLVE TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 58. INT. TRUCK HORN - LATER BARRY ...and it was just an endless row of honey jars as far as the eye could see. MOOSEBLOOD Wow. BARRY So I’m just assuming wherever this honey truck goes, that’s where they’re getting it. I mean, that honey’s ours! MOOSEBLOOD Bees hang tight. BARRY Well, we’re all jammed in there. It’s a close community. MOOSEBLOOD Not us, man. We’re on our own. Every mosquito is on his own. BARRY But what if you get in trouble? MOOSEBLOOD Trouble? You're a mosquito. You're in trouble! Nobody likes us. They’re just all smacking. People see a mosquito, smack, smack! BARRY At least you’re out in the world. You must meet a lot of girls. MOOSEBLOOD Mosquito girls try to trade up; get with a moth, dragonfly...mosquito girl don’t want no mosquito. A BLOOD MOBILE pulls up alongside. MOOSEBLOOD (CONT'D) Whoa, you have got to be kidding me. Mooseblood’s about to leave the building. So long bee. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 59. Mooseblood EXITS the horn, and jumps onto the blood mobile. MOOSEBLOOD (CONT'D) Hey guys. I knew I’d catch you all down here. Did you bring your crazy straws? CUT TO: SEQ. 1900 - “THE APIARY” EXT. APIARY - LATER Barry sees a SIGN, “Honey Farms” The truck comes to a stop. SFX: The Honey farms truck blares its horn. Barry flies out, lands on the hood. ANGLE ON: Two BEEKEEPERS, FREDDY and ELMO, walking around to the back of the gift shop. Barry follows them, and lands in a nearby tree FREDDY ...then we throw it in some jars, slap a label on it, and it’s pretty much pure profit. BARRY What is this place? ELMO Bees got a brain the size of a pinhead. FREDDY They are pinheads. The both LAUGH. ANGLE ON: Barry REACTING. They arrive at the back of the shop where one of them opens a SMOKER BOX. FREDDY (CONT’D) Hey, check out the new smoker. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 60. ELMO Oh, Sweet. That’s the one you want. FREDDY The Thomas 3000. BARRY Smoker? FREDDY 90 puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. They LAUGH again, nefariously. FREDDY (CONT’D) Couple of breaths of this, and it knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. BARRY “They make the honey, and we make the money?” Barry climbs onto the netting of Freddy’s hat. He climbs up to the brim and looks over the edge. He sees the apiary boxes as Freddy SMOKES them. BARRY (CONT'D) Oh my. As Freddy turns around, Barry jumps into an open apiary box, and into an apartment. HOWARD and FRAN are just coming to from the smoking. BARRY (CONT’D) What’s going on? Are you okay? HOWARD Yeah, it doesn’t last too long. HE COUGHS a few times. BARRY How did you two get here? Do you know you’re in a fake hive with fake walls? HOWARD (pointing to a picture on the wall) "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 61. Our queen was moved here, we had no choice. BARRY (looking at a picture on the wall) This is your queen? That’s a man in women’s clothes. That’s a dragqueen! The other wall opens. Barry sees the hundreds of apiary boxes. BARRY (CONT'D) What is this? Barry pulls out his camera, and starts snapping. BARRY (CONT’D) Oh no. There’s hundreds of them. (V.O, as Barry takes pictures) Bee honey, our honey, is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale. CUT TO: SEQ. 2100 - “BARRY TELLS FAMILY” INT. BARRY’S PARENT’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - LATER Barry has assembled his parents, Adam, and Uncle Carl. BARRY This is worse than anything the bears have done to us. And I intend to do something about it. JANET BENSON Oh Barry, stop. MARTIN BENSON Who told you that humans are taking our honey? That’s just a rumor. BARRY Do these look like rumors? Barry throws the PICTURES on the table. Uncle Carl, cleaning his glasses with his shirt tail, digs through a bowl of nuts with his finger. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 62. HOWARD (CONT'D) UNCLE CARL That’s a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. JANET BENSON Barry, how did you get mixed up in all this? ADAM (jumping up) Because he’s been talking to humans! JANET BENSON Whaaat? MARTIN BENSON Talking to humans?! Oh Barry. ADAM He has a human girlfriend and they make out! JANET BENSON Make out? Barry? BARRY We do not. ADAM You wish you could. BARRY Who’s side are you on? ADAM The bees! Uncle Carl stands up and pulls his pants up to his chest. UNCLE CARL I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Man, those crazy legs kept me up all night. Hotcheewah! JANET BENSON Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? BARRY This is what I want to do for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 63. Dad, I remember you coming home some nights so overworked, your hands were still stirring. You couldn’t stop them. MARTIN BENSON Ehhh... JANET BENSON (to Martin) I remember that. BARRY What right do they have to our hardearned honey? We’re living on two cups a year. They’re putting it in lip balm for no reason what-soever. MARTIN BENSON Even if it’s true, Barry, what could one bee do? BARRY I’m going to sting them where it really hurts. MARTIN BENSON In the face? BARRY No. MARTIN BENSON In the eye? That would really hurt. BARRY No. MARTIN BENSON Up the nose? That’s a killer. BARRY No. There’s only one place you can sting the humans. One place where it really matters. CUT TO: SEQ. 2300 - “HIVE AT 5 NEWS/BEE LARRY KING” "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 64. BARRY (CONT'D) INT. NEWS STUDIO - DAY DRAMATIC NEWS MUSIC plays as the opening news sequence rolls. We see the “Hive at Five” logo, followed by shots of past news events: A BEE freeway chase, a BEE BEARD protest rally, and a BEAR pawing at the hive as the BEES flee in panic. BOB BUMBLE (V.O.) Hive at Five, the hive’s only full hour action news source... SHOTS of NEWSCASTERS flash up on screen. BOB BUMBLE (V.O.) (CONT'D) With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk... BOB has a big shock of anchorman hair, gray temples and overly white teeth. BOB BUMBLE (V.O.) (CONT'D) ...weather with Storm Stinger, sports with Buzz Larvi, and Jeanette Chung. JEANETTE is an Asian bee. BOB BUMBLE (CONT'D) Good evening, I’m Bob Bumble. JEANETTE CHUNG And I’m Jeanette Chung. BOB BUMBLE Our top story, a tri-county bee, Barry Benson... INSERT: Barry’s graduation picture. BOB BUMBLE (CONT'D) ...is saying he intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it, and profiting from it illegally. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 65. INT. BEENN STUDIO - BEE LARRY KING LIVE BEE LARRY KING, wearing suspenders and glasses, is interviewing Barry. A LOWER-THIRD CHYRON reads: “Bee Larry King Live.” BEE LARRY KING Don’t forget, tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we are going to have three former Queens all right here in our studio discussing their new book, “Classy Ladies,” out this week on Hexagon. (to Barry) Tonight, we’re talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, I’m just a kid from the hive, I can’t do this? BARRY Larry, bees have never been afraid to change the world. I mean, what about Bee-Columbus? Bee-Ghandi? Be-geesus? BEE LARRY KING Well, where I’m from you wouldn’t think of suing humans. We were thinking more like stick ball, candy stores. BARRY How old are you? BEE LARRY KING I want you to know that the entire bee community is supporting you in this case, which is certain to be the trial of the bee century. BARRY Thank you, Larry. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world, too. BEE LARRY KING It’s a common name. Next week on Bee Larry King... "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 66. BARRY No, I mean he looks like you. And he has a show with suspenders and different colored dots behind him. BEE LARRY KING Next week on Bee Larry King... BARRY Old guy glasses, and there’s quotes along the bottom from the guest you’re watching even though you just heard them... BEE LARRY KING Bear week next week! They’re scary, they’re hairy, and they’re here live. Bee Larry King EXITS. BARRY Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes... (lights go out) Very Jewish. CUT TO: SEQ. 2400 - “FLOWER SHOP” INT. VANESSA’S FLOWER SHOP - NIGHT Stacks of law books are piled up, legal forms, etc. Vanessa is talking with Ken in the other room. KEN Look, in tennis, you attack at the point of weakness. VANESSA But it was my grandmother, Ken. She’s 81. KEN Honey, her backhand’s a joke. I’m not going to take advantage of that? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 67. BARRY (O.C) Quiet please. Actual work going on here. KEN Is that that same bee? BARRY (O.C) Yes it is. VANESSA I’m helping him sue the human race. KEN What? Barry ENTERS. BARRY Oh, hello. KEN Hello Bee. Barry flies over to Vanessa. VANESSA This is Ken. BARRY Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size 10 1/2, Vibram sole I believe. KEN Why does he talk again, Hun? VANESSA (to Ken, sensing the tension) Listen, you’d better go because we’re really busy working. KEN But it’s our yogurt night. VANESSA (pushing him out the door) Oh...bye bye. She CLOSES the door. KEN Why is yogurt night so difficult?! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 68. Vanessa ENTERS the back room carrying coffee. VANESSA Oh you poor thing, you two have been at this for hours. BARRY Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. ANGLE ON: A EMPTY CINNABON BOX with Adam asleep inside, covered in frosting. VANESSA How many sugars? BARRY Just one. I try not to use the competition. So, why are you helping me, anyway? VANESSA Bees have good qualities. BARRY (rowing on the sugar cube like a gondola) Si, Certo. VANESSA And it feels good to take my mind off the shop. I don’t know why, instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. BARRY Yeah, those are great...if you’re 3. VANESSA And artificial flowers. BARRY (re: plastic flowers) Oh, they just get me psychotic! VANESSA Yeah, me too. BARRY The bent stingers, the pointless pollination. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 69. VANESSA Bees must hate those fake plastic things. BARRY There’s nothing worse than a daffodil that’s had work done. VANESSA (holding up the lawsuit documents) Well, maybe this can make up for it a little bit. CUT TO: EXT. VANESSA’S FLORIST SHOP They EXIT the store, and cross to the mailbox. VANESSA You know Barry, this lawsuit is a pretty big deal. BARRY I guess. VANESSA Are you sure that you want to go through with it? BARRY Am I sure? (kicking the envelope into the mailbox) When I’m done with the humans, they won’t be able to say, “Honey, I’m home,” without paying a royalty. CUT TO: SEQ. 2700 - “MEET MONTGOMERY” EXT. MANHATTAN COURTHOUSE - DAY P.O.V SHOT - A camera feed turns on, revealing a newsperson. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 70. PRESS PERSON #2 (talking to camera) Sarah, it’s an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan where all eyes and ears of the world are anxiously waiting, because for the first time in history, we’re going to hear for ourselves if a honey bee can actually speak. ANGLE ON: Barry, Vanessa, and Adam getting out of the cab. The press spots Barry and Vanessa and pushes in. Adam sits on Vanessa’s shoulder. INT. COURTHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Barry, Vanessa, and Adam sit at the Plaintiff’s Table. VANESSA (turns to Barry) What have we gotten into here, Barry? BARRY I don’t know, but it’s pretty big, isn’t it? ADAM I can’t believe how many humans don’t have to be at work during the day. BARRY Hey, you think these billion dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? CUT TO: EXT. COURTHOUSE STEPS - CONTINUOUS A BIG BLACK CAR pulls up. ANGLE ON: the grill filling the frame. We see the “L.T.M” monogram on the hood ornament. The defense lawyer, LAYTON T. MONTGOMERY comes out, squashing a bug on the pavement. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 71. INT. COURTHOUSE - CONTINUOUS Barry SHUDDERS. VANESSA What’s the matter? BARRY I don’t know. I just got a chill. Montgomery ENTERS. He walks by Barry’s table shaking a honey packet. MONTGOMERY Well, if it isn’t the B-Team. (re: the honey packet) Any of you boys work on this? He CHUCKLES. The JUDGE ENTERS. SEQ. 3000 - “WITNESSES” BAILIFF All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. JUDGE (shuffling papers) Alright...Case number 4475, Superior Court of New York. Barry Bee Benson vs. the honey industry, is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you are representing the five major food companies, collectively. ANGLE ON: Montgomery’s BRIEFCASE. It has an embossed emblem of an EAGLE, holding a gavel in one talon and a briefcase in the other. MONTGOMERY A privilege. JUDGE Mr. Benson. Barry STANDS. JUDGE (CONT’D) You are representing all bees of the world? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 72. Montgomery, the stenographer, and the jury lean in. CUT TO: EXT. COURTHOUSE - CONTINUOUS The spectators outside freeze. The helicopters angle forward to listen closely. CUT TO: INT. COURTHOUSE BARRY Bzzz bzzz bzzz...Ahh, I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Yes, your honor. We are ready to proceed. ANGLE ON: Courtroom hub-bub. JUDGE And Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Montgomery rises. MONTGOMERY (grumbles, clears his throat) Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. My grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we were to live in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what it would mean. Maybe I would have to negotiate with the silk worm for the elastic in my britches. Talking bee. How do we know this isn’t some sort of holographic motion picture capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams, robotics, ventriloquism, cloning...for all we know he could be on steroids! Montgomery leers at Barry, who moves to the stand. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 73. JUDGE Mr. Benson? Barry makes his opening statement. BARRY Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, there’s no trickery here. I’m just an ordinary bee. And as a bee, honey’s pretty important to me. It’s important to all bees. We invented it, we make it, and we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take whatever they want from us cause we’re the little guys. And what I’m hoping is that after this is all over, you’ll see how by taking our honey, you’re not only taking away everything we have, but everything we are. ANGLE ON: Vanessa smiling. ANGLE ON: The BEE GALLERY wiping tears away. CUT TO: INT. BENSON HOUSE Barry’s family is watching the case on TV. JANET BENSON Oh, I wish he would dress like that all the time. So nice... CUT TO: INT. COURTROOM - LATER JUDGE Call your first witness. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 74. INT. COURTHOUSE - LATER BARRY So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms. Pretty big company you have there? MR. VANDERHAYDEN I suppose so. BARRY And I see you also own HoneyBurton, and Hon-Ron. MR. VANDERHAYDEN Yes. They provide beekeepers for our farms. BARRY Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term, I have to say. I don’t imagine you employ any bee free-ers, do you? MR. VANDERHAYDEN No. BARRY I’m sorry. I couldn’t hear you. MR. VANDERHAYDEN (louder) No. BARRY No. Because you don’t free bees. You keep bees. And not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey? MR. VANDERHAYDEN Well, they’re very lovable creatures. Yogi-bear, Fozzy-bear, Build-a-bear. BARRY Yeah, you mean like this?! Vanessa and the SUPERINTENDANT from her building ENTER with a GIANT FEROCIOUS GRIZZLY BEAR. He has a neck collar and chains extending from either side. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 75. By pulling the chains, they bring him directly in front of Vanderhayden. The bear LUNGES and ROARS. BARRY (CONT'D) Bears kill bees! How would you like his big hairy head crashing into your living room? Biting into your couch, spitting out your throwpillows...rowr, rowr! The bear REACTS. BEAR Rowr!! BARRY Okay, that’s enough. Take him away. Vanessa and the Superintendant pull the bear out of the courtroom. Vanderhayden TREMBLES. The judge GLARES at him. CUT TO: INT. COURTROOM- A LITTLE LATER Barry questions STING. BARRY So, Mr. Sting. Thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me, I have to say. Where have I heard it before? STING I was with a band called "The Police". BARRY But you've never been a police officer of any kind, have you? STING No, I haven't. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 76. BARRY No, you haven’t. And so, here we have yet another example of bee culture being casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. STING Oh please. BARRY Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say, (looking in folder) Mr. Gordon M. Sumner? The jury GASPS. MONTGOMERY (to his aides) That’s not his real name? You idiots! CUT TO: INT. COURTHOUSE- LATER BARRY Mr. Liotta, first may I offer my belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on E.R. in 2005. LIOTTA Thank you. Thank you. Liotta LAUGHS MANIACALLY. BARRY I also see from your resume that you’re devilishly handsome, but with a churning inner turmoil that’s always ready to blow. LIOTTA I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 77. BARRY Not yet it isn’t. But is this what it’s come to for you, Mr. Liotta? Exploiting tiny helpless bees so you don’t have to rehearse your part, and learn your lines, Sir? LIOTTA Watch it Benson, I could blow right now. BARRY This isn’t a goodfella. This is a badfella! LIOTTA (exploding, trying to smash Barry with the Emmy) Why doesn’t someone just step on this little creep and we can all go home? You’re all thinking it. Say it! JUDGE Order! Order in this courtroom! A MONTAGE OF NEWSPAPER HEADLINES FOLLOWS: NEW YORK POST: “Bees to Humans: Buzz Off”. NEW YORK TELEGRAM: “Sue Bee”. DAILY VARIETY: “Studio Dumps Liotta Project. Slams Door on Unlawful Entry 2.” CUT TO: SEQ. 3175 - “CANDLELIGHT DINNER” INT. VANESSA’S APARTMENT Barry and Vanessa are having a candle light dinner. Visible behind Barry is a “LITTLE MISSY” SET BOX, with the flaps open. BARRY Well, I just think that was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 78. VANESSA I’m telling you, I think the jury’s on our side. BARRY Are we doing everything right...you know, legally? VANESSA I’m a florist. BARRY Right, right. Barry raises his glass. BARRY (CONT’D) Well, here’s to a great team. VANESSA To a great team. They toast. Ken ENTERS KEN Well hello. VANESSA Oh...Ken. BARRY Hello. VANESSA I didn’t think you were coming. KEN No, I was just late. I tried to call. But, (holding his cell phone) the battery... VANESSA I didn’t want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily he was free. BARRY Yeah. KEN (gritting his teeth) Oh, that was lucky. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 79. VANESSA Well, there’s still a little left. I could heat it up. KEN Yeah, heat it up. Sure, whatever. Vanessa EXITS. Ken and Barry look at each other as Barry eats. BARRY So, I hear you’re quite a tennis player. I’m not much for the game myself. I find the ball a little grabby. KEN That’s where I usually sit. Right there. VANESSA (O.C) Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that “eating with chopsticks” isn’t really a special skill. KEN (to Barry) You think I don’t see what you’re doing? BARRY Hey look, I know how hard it is trying to find the right job. We certainly have that in common. KEN Do we? BARRY Well, bees have 100% employment, of course. But we do jobs like taking the crud out. KEN That’s just what I was thinking about doing. Ken holds his table knife up. It slips out of his hand. He goes under the table to pick it up. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 80. VANESSA Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was alright. Ken hits his head on the table. BARRY I’m going to go drain the old stinger. KEN Yeah, you do that. Barry EXITS to the bathroom, grabbing a small piece of a VARIETY MAGAZINE on the way. BARRY Oh, look at that. Ken slams the champagne down on the table. Ken closes his eyes and buries his face in his hands. He grabs a magazine on the way into the bathroom. SEQ. 2800 - “BARRY FIGHTS KEN” INT. BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS Ken ENTERS, closes the door behind him. He’s not happy. Barry is washing his hands. He glances back at Ken. KEN You know, I’ve just about had it with your little mind games. BARRY What’s that? KEN Italian Vogue. BARRY Mamma Mia, that’s a lot of pages. KEN It’s a lot of ads. BARRY Remember what Van said. Why is your life any more valuable than mine? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 81. KEN It’s funny, I just can’t seem to recall that! Ken WHACKS at Barry with the magazine. He misses and KNOCKS EVERYTHING OFF THE VANITY. Ken grabs a can of AIR FRESHENER. KEN (CONT'D) I think something stinks in here. He sprays at Barry. BARRY I love the smell of flowers. KEN Yeah? How do you like the smell of flames? Ken lights the stream. BARRY Not as much. Barry flies in a circle. Ken, trying to stay with him, spins in place. ANGLE ON: Flames outside the bathroom door. Ken slips on the Italian Vogue, falls backward into the shower, pulling down the shower curtain. The can hits him in the head, followed by the shower curtain rod, and the rubber duck. Ken reaches back, grabs the handheld shower head. He whips around, looking for Barry. ANGLE ON: A WATERBUG near the drain. WATERBUG Waterbug. Not taking sides. Barry is on the toilet tank. He comes out from behind a shampoo bottle, wearing a chapstick cap as a helmet. BARRY Ken, look at me! I’m wearing a chapstick hat. This is pathetic. ANGLE ON: Ken turning the hand shower nozzle from “GENTLE”, to “TURBO”, to “LETHAL”. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 82. KEN I’ve got issues! Ken fires the water at Barry, knocking him into the toilet. The items from the vanity (emory board, lipstick, eye curler, etc.) are on the toilet seat. Ken looks down at Barry. KEN (CONT'D) Well well well, a royal flush. BARRY You’re bluffing. KEN Am I? Ken flushes the toilet. Barry grabs the Emory board and uses it to surf. He puts his hand in the water while he’s surfing. Some water splashes on Ken. BARRY Surf’s up, dude! KEN Awww, poo water! He does some skate board-style half-pipe riding. Barry surfs out of the toilet. BARRY That bowl is gnarly. Ken tries to get a shot at him with the toilet brush. KEN Except for those dirty yellow rings. Vanessa ENTERS. VANESSA Kenneth! What are you doing? KEN You know what? I don’t even like honey! I don’t eat it! VANESSA We need to talk! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 83. She pulls Ken out by his ear. Ken glares at Barry. CUT TO: INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS VANESSA He’s just a little bee. And he happens to be the nicest bee I’ve met in a long time. KEN Long time? What are you talking about? Are there other bugs in your life? VANESSA No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you’re one of them! KEN Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night...my nerves are fried from riding on this emotional rollercoaster. VANESSA Goodbye, Ken. KEN Augh! VANESSA Whew! Ken EXITS, then re-enters frame. KEN And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners, made by man! He EXITS again. The DOOR SLAMS behind him. VANESSA (to Barry) I’m sorry about all that. Ken RE-ENTERS. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 84. KEN I know it’s got an aftertaste! I like it! BARRY (re: Ken) I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. (puts his hands in his pockets) I couldn’t overcome it. Oh well. VANESSA Are you going to be okay for the trial tomorrow? BARRY Oh, I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. CUT TO: SEQ. 3300 - “ADAM STINGS MONTY” INT. COURTROOM - NEXT DAY ANGLE ON: Medium shot of Montgomery standing at his table. MONTGOMERY We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. ADAM (whispering to Vanessa) Now that’s a good idea. (to Barry) You can really see why he’s considered one of the very best lawyers-- Oh. Barry rolls his eyes. He gets up, takes the stand. A juror in a striped shirt APPLAUDS. MR. GAMMIL (whispering) Layton, you’ve got to weave some magic with this jury, or it’s going to be all over. Montgomery is holding a BOOK, “The Secret Life of Bees”. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 85. MONTGOMERY (confidently whispering) Oh, don’t worry Mr. Gammil. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don’t like about bees. (to Gammil) You got the tweezers? Mr. Gammil NODS, and pats his breast pocket. MR. GAMMIL Are you allergic? MONTGOMERY Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Montgomery approaches the stand. MONTGOMERY (CONT’D) Mr. Benson Bee. I’ll ask you what I think we’d all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? Montgomery points to Vanessa. BARRY We’re friends. MONTGOMERY Good friends? BARRY Yes. MONTGOMERY (softly in Barry’s face) How good? BARRY What? MONTGOMERY Do you live together? BARRY Wait a minute, this isn’t about-- "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 86. MONTGOMERY Are you her little... (clearing throat) ... bed bug? BARRY (flustered) Hey, that’s not the kind of-- MONTGOMERY I’ve seen a bee documentary or two. Now, from what I understand, doesn’t your Queen give birth to all the bee children in the hive? BARRY Yeah, but-- MONTGOMERY So those aren’t even your real parents! ANGLE ON: Barry’s parents. MARTIN BENSON Oh, Barry. BARRY Yes they are! ADAM Hold me back! Vanessa holds him back with a COFFEE STIRRER. Montgomery points to Barry’s parents. MONTGOMERY You’re an illegitimate bee, aren’t you Benson? ADAM He’s denouncing bees! All the bees in the courtroom start to HUM. They’re agitated. MONTGOMERY And don’t y’all date your cousins? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 87. VANESSA (standing, letting go of Adam) Objection! Adam explodes from the table and flies towards Montgomery. ADAM I’m going to pin cushion this guy! Montgomery turns around and positions himself by the judge’s bench. He sticks his butt out. Montgomery winks at his team. BARRY Adam, don’t! It’s what he wants! Adam shoves Barry out of the way. Adam STINGS Montgomery in the butt. The jury REACTS, aghast. MONTGOMERY Ow! I’m hit! Oh, lordy, I am hit! The judge BANGS her gavel. JUDGE Order! Order! Please, Mr. Montgomery. MONTGOMERY The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a wing-ed beast of destruction. You see? You can’t treat them like equals. They’re strip-ed savages! Stinging’s the only thing they know! It’s their way! ANGLE ON: Adam, collapsed on the floor. Barry rushes to his side. BARRY Adam, stay with me. ADAM I can’t feel my legs. Montgomery falls on the Bailiff. BAILIFF Take it easy. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 88. MONTGOMERY Oh, what angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? The JURY recoils. JUDGE Please, I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! FADE TO: SEQ. 3400 - “ADAM AT HOSPITAL” INT. HOSPITAL - STREET LEVEL ROOM - DAY PRESS PERSON #1 (V.O) The case of the honey bees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday, when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. Now here’s Don with the 5-day. A NURSE lets Barry into the room. Barry CARRIES a FLOWER. BARRY Thank you. Barry stands over Adam, in a bed. Barry lays the flower down next to him. The TV is on. BARRY (CONT'D) Hey buddy. ADAM Hey. BARRY Is there much pain? Adam has a BEE-SIZED PAINKILLER HONEY BUTTON near his head that he presses. ADAM (pressing the button) Yeah...I blew the whole case, didn’t I? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 89. BARRY Oh, it doesn’t matter. The important thing is you’re alive. You could have died. ADAM I’d be better off dead. Look at me. Adam THROWS the blanket off his lap, revealing a GREEN SANDWICH SWORD STINGER. ADAM (CONT’D) (voice cracking) They got it from the cafeteria, they got it from downstairs. In a tuna sandwich. Look, there’s a little celery still on it. BARRY What was it like to sting someone? ADAM I can’t explain it. It was all adrenaline...and then...ecstasy. Barry looks at Adam. BARRY Alright. ADAM You think that was all a trap? BARRY Of course. I’m sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us, we’re just a couple of bugs in this world. ADAM What do you think the humans will do to us if they win? BARRY I don’t know. ADAM I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn’t sound so bad. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 90. BARRY Adam, they check in, but they don’t check out. Adam GULPS. ADAM Oh my. ANGLE ON: the hospital window. We see THREE PEOPLE smoking outside on the sidewalk. The smoke drifts in. Adam COUGHS. ADAM (CONT’D) Say, could you get a nurse to close that window? BARRY Why? ADAM The smoke. Bees don’t smoke. BARRY Right. Bees don’t smoke. Bees don’t smoke! But some bees are smoking. Adam, that’s it! That’s our case. Adam starts putting his clothes on. ADAM It is? It’s not over? BARRY No. Get up. Get dressed. I’ve got to go somewhere. You get back the court and stall. Stall anyway you can. CUT TO: SEQ. 3500 - “SMOKING GUN” INT. COURTROOM - THE NEXT DAY Adam is folding a piece of paper into a boat. ADAM ...and assuming you’ve done step 29 correctly, you’re ready for the tub. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 91. ANGLE ON: The jury, all with paper boats of their own. JURORS Ooh. ANGLE ON: Montgomery frustrated with Gammil, who’s making a boat also. Monty crumples Gammil’s boat, and throws it at him. JUDGE Mr. Flayman? ADAM Yes? Yes, Your Honor? JUDGE Where is the rest of your team? ADAM (fumbling with his swordstinger) Well, your honor, it’s interesting. You know Bees are trained to fly kind of haphazardly and as a result quite often we don’t make very good time. I actually once heard a pretty funny story about a bee-- MONTGOMERY Your Honor, haven’t these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court’s valuable time? Montgomery rolls out from behind his table. He’s suspended in a LARGE BABY CHAIR with wheels. MONTGOMERY (CONT'D) How much longer are we going to allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients who have all run perfectly legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case. JUDGE Mr. Flayman, I am afraid I am going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery’s motion. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 92. ADAM But you can’t. We have a terrific case. MONTGOMERY Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun. Barry bursts through the door. BARRY Hold it, your honor. You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. Vanessa ENTERS, holding a bee smoker Vanessa slams the beekeeper's SMOKER onto the judge’s bench. JUDGE What is that? BARRY It’s a Bee smoker. Montgomery GRABS the smoker. MONTGOMERY What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn’t hurt a fly, let alone a bee. He unintentionally points it towards the bee gallery, KNOCKING THEM ALL OUT. The jury GASPS. The press SNAPS pictures of them. BARRY Members of the jury, look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or Non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to these smoke machines in man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? Barry gestures dramatically towards Montgomery's racially mixed table. The BLACK LAWYER slowly moves his chair away. GAMMIL What are we going to do? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 93. MONTGOMERY (to Pross) He's playing the species card. Barry lands on the scale of justice, by the judge’s bench. It balances as he lands. BARRY Ladies and gentlemen, please, FreeThese-Bees! ANGLE ON: Jury, chanting "Free the bees". JUDGE The court finds in favor of the bees. The chaos continues. Barry flies over to Vanessa, with his hand up for a “high 5”. BARRY Vanessa, we won! VANESSA Yay! I knew you could do it. Highfive! She high 5’s Barry, sending him crashing to the table. He bounces right back up. VANESSA (CONT'D) Oh, sorry. BARRY Ow!! I’m okay. Vanessa, do you know what this means? All the honey is finally going to belong to the bees. Now we won’t have to work so hard all the time. Montgomery approaches Barry, surrounded by the press. The cameras and microphones go to Montgomery. MONTGOMERY (waving a finger) This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson! You’ll regret this. ANGLE ON: Barry’s ‘deer in headlights’ expression, as the press pushes microphones in his face. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 94. PRESS PERSON 1 Barry, how much honey do you think is out there? BARRY Alright, alright, one at a time... SARAH Barry, who are you wearing? BARRY Uhhh, my sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. The Press follows Barry as he EXITS. ANGLE ON: Adam and Vanessa. ADAM (putting papers away) What if Montgomery’s right? VANESSA What do you mean? ADAM We’ve been living the bee way a long time. 27 million years. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 3600 - “HONEY ROUNDUP” EXT. HONEY FARMS APIARY - MONTAGE SARAH (V.O) Congratulations on your victory. What are you going to demand as a settlement? BARRY (V.O) (over montage) First, we’re going to demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then, we want to get back all the honey that was ours to begin with. Every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, big-headed, bad breath, stink-machine. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 95. I believe we’re all aware of what they do in the woods. We will no longer tolerate derogatory beenegative nick-names, unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products, and la-dee-da tea-time human snack garnishments. MONTAGE IMAGES: Close-up on an ATF JACKET, with the YELLOW LETTERS. Camera pulls back. We see an ARMY OF BEE AND HUMAN AGENTS wearing hastily made “Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Honey” jackets. Barry supervises. The gate to Honey Farms is locked permanently. All the smokers are collected and locked up. All the bees leave the Apiary. CUT TO: EXT. ATF OUTSIDE OF SUPERMARKET - MONTAGE Agents begin YANKING honey off the supermarket shelves, and out of shopping baskets. CUT TO: EXT. NEW HIVE CITY - MONTAGE The bees tear down a honey-bear statue. CUT TO: EXT. YELLOWSTONE FOREST - MONTAGE POV of a sniper’s crosshairs. An animated BEAR character looka-like, turns his head towards camera. BARRY Wait for my signal. ANGLE ON: Barry lowering his binoculars. BARRY (CONT'D) Take him out. The sniper SHOOTS the bear. It hits him in the shoulder. The bear looks at it. He gets woozy and the honey jar falls out of his lap, an ATF&H agent catches it. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 96. BARRY (V.O) (CONT'D) ATF&H AGENT (to the bear’s pig friend) He’ll have a little nausea for a few hours, then he’ll be fine. CUT TO: EXT. STING’S HOUSE - MONTAGE ATF&H agents SLAP CUFFS on Sting, who is meditating. STING But it’s just a prance-about stage name! CUT TO: INT. A WOMAN’S SHOWER - MONTAGE A WOMAN is taking a shower, and using honey shampoo. An ATF&H agent pulls the shower curtain aside, and grabs her bottle of shampoo. The woman SCREAMS. The agent turns to the 3 other agents, and Barry. ANGLE ON: Barry looking at the label on the shampoo bottle, shaking his head and writing in his clipboard. CUT TO: EXT. SUPERMARKET CAFE - MONTAGE Another customer, an old lady having her tea with a little jar of honey, gets her face pushed down onto the table and turned to the side by two agents. One of the agents has a gun on her. OLD LADY Can’t breathe. CUT TO: EXT. CENTRAL PARK - MONTAGE An OIL DRUM of honey is connected to Barry’s hive. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 97. BARRY Bring it in, boys. CUT TO: SEQ. 3650 - “NO MORE WORK” INT. HONEX - MONTAGE ANGLE ON: The honey goes past the 3-cup hash-mark, and begins to overflow. A WORKER BEE runs up to Buzzwell. WORKER BEE 1 Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed 3 cups, and there’s gallons mores coming. I think we need to shutdown. KEYCHAIN BEE (to Buzzwell) Shutdown? We’ve never shutdown. ANGLE ON: Buzzwell overlooking the factory floor. BUZZWELL Shutdown honey production! Stop making honey! ANGLE ON: TWO BEES, each with a KEY. BUZZWELL (CONT’D) Turn your key, Sir! They turn the keys simultaneously, War Games-style, shutting down the honey machines. ANGLE ON: the Taffy-Pull machine, Centrifuge, and Krelman all slowly come to a stop. The bees look around, bewildered. WORKER BEE 5 What do we do now? A BEAT. WORKER BEE 6 Cannon ball!! He jumps into a HONEY VAT, doesn’t penetrate the surface. He looks around, and slowly sinks down to his waist. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 98. EXT. HONEX FACTORY THE WHISTLE BLOWS, and the bees all stream out the exit. CUT TO: INT. J-GATE - CONTINUOUS Lou Loduca gives orders to the pollen jocks. LOU LODUCA We’re shutting down honey production. Mission abort. CUT TO: EXT. CENTRAL PARK Jackson receives the orders, mid-pollination. JACKSON Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. CUT TO: EXT. NEW HIVE CITY ANGLE ON: Bees, putting sun-tan lotion on their noses and antennae, and sunning themselves on the balconies of the gyms. CUT TO: EXT. CENTRAL PARK ANGLE ON: THE FLOWERS starting to DROOP. CUT TO: INT. J-GATE J-Gate is deserted. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 99. EXT. NEW HIVE CITY ANGLE ON: Bees sunning themselves. A TIMER DINGS, and they all turn over. CUT TO: EXT. CENTRAL PARK TIME LAPSE of Central Park turning brown. CUT TO: EXT. VANESSA’S FLORIST SHOP CLOSE-UP SHOT: Vanessa writes “Sorry. No more flowers.” on a “Closed” sign, an turns it facing out. CUT TO: SEQ. 3700 - “IDLE HIVE” EXT. NEW HIVE CITY - DAY Barry flies at high speed. TRACKING SHOT into the hive, through the lobby of Honex, and into Adam’s office. CUT TO: INT. ADAM’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS Barry meets Adam in his office. Adam’s office is in disarray. There are papers everywhere. He’s filling up his cardboard hexagon box. BARRY (out of breath) Adam, you wouldn’t believe how much honey was out there. ADAM Oh yeah? BARRY What’s going on around here? Where is everybody? Are they out celebrating? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 100. ADAM (exiting with a cardboard box of belongings) No, they’re just home. They don’t know what to do. BARRY Hmmm. ADAM They’re laying out, they’re sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Carl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. BARRY At least we got our honey back. They walk through the empty factory. ADAM Yeah, but sometimes I think, so what if the humans liked our honey? Who wouldn’t? It’s the greatest thing in the world. I was excited to be a part of making it. ANGLE ON: Adam’s desk on it’s side in the hall. ADAM (CONT’D) This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now...and now I can’t. Adam EXITS. CUT TO: SEQ. 3900 - “WORLD WITHOUT BEES” INT. STAIRWELL Vanessa and Barry are walking up the stairs to the roof. BARRY I don’t understand why they’re not happy. We have so much now. I thought their lives would be better. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 101. VANESSA Hmmm. BARRY They’re doing nothing. It’s amazing, honey really changes people. VANESSA You don’t have any idea what’s going on, do you? BARRY What did you want to show me? VANESSA This. They reach the top of the stairs. Vanessa opens the door. CUT TO: EXT. VANESSA’S ROOFTOP - CONTINUOUS Barry sees Vanessa’s flower pots and small garden have all turned brown. BARRY What happened here? VANESSA That is not the half of it... Vanessa turns Barry around with her two fingers, revealing the view of Central Park, which is also all brown. BARRY Oh no. Oh my. They’re all wilting. VANESSA Doesn’t look very good, does it? BARRY No. VANESSA And who’s fault do you think that is? "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 102. BARRY Mmmm...you know, I’m going to guess, bees. VANESSA Bees? BARRY Specifically me. I guess I didn’t think that bees not needing to make honey would affect all these other things. VANESSA And it’s not just flowers. Fruits, vegetables...they all need bees. BARRY Well, that’s our whole SAT test right there. VANESSA So, you take away the produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... BARRY The human species? VANESSA (clearing throat) Ahem! BARRY Oh. So, if there’s no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn’t it? VANESSA And I know this is also partly my fault. Barry takes a long SIGH. BARRY How about a suicide pact? VANESSA (not sure if he’s joking) How would we do it? BARRY I’ll sting you, you step on me. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 103. VANESSA That just kills you twice. BARRY Right, right. VANESSA Listen Barry. Sorry but I’ve got to get going. She EXITS. BARRY (looking out over the park) Had to open my mouth and talk... (looking back) Vanessa..? Vanessa is gone. CUT TO: SEQ. 3935 - “GOING TO PASADENA” EXT. NY STREET - CONTINUOUS Vanessa gets into a cab. Barry ENTERS. BARRY Vanessa. Why are you leaving? Where are you going? VANESSA To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They moved it up to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It’s the last chance I’ll ever have to see it. BARRY Vanessa, I just want to say I’m sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. VANESSA I know. Me neither. Vanessa cab drives away. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 104. BARRY (chuckling to himself) Tournament of Roses. Roses can’t do sports. Wait a minute...roses. Roses? Roses!? Vanessa! Barry follows shortly after. He catches up to it, and he pounds on the window. Barry follows shortly after Vanessa’s cab. He catches up to it, and he pounds on the window. INT. TAXI - CONTINUOUS Barry motions for her to roll the window down. She does so. BARRY Roses?! VANESSA Barry? BARRY (as he flies next to the cab) Roses are flowers. VANESSA Yes, they are. BARRY Flowers, bees, pollen! VANESSA I know. That’s why this is the last parade. BARRY Maybe not. The cab starts pulling ahead of Barry. BARRY (CONT'D) (re: driver) Could you ask him to slow down? VANESSA Could you slow down? The cabs slows. Barry flies in the window, and lands in the change box, which closes on him. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 105. VANESSA (CONT'D) Barry! Vanessa lets him out. Barry stands on the change box, in front of the driver’s license. BARRY Okay, I made a huge mistake! This is a total disaster, and it’s all my fault! VANESSA Yes, it kind of is. BARRY I’ve ruined the planet. And, I wanted to help with your flower shop. Instead, I’ve made it worse. VANESSA Actually, it’s completely closed down. BARRY Oh, I thought maybe you were remodeling. Nonetheless, I have another idea. And it’s greater than all my previous great ideas combined. VANESSA I don’t want to hear it. Vanessa closes the change box on Barry. BARRY (opening it again) Alright, here’s what I’m thinking. They have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant, and flower bud in this park. All we’ve got to do is get what they’ve got back here with what we’ve got. VANESSA Bees... BARRY Park... VANESSA Pollen... "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 106. BARRY Flowers... VANESSA Repollination! BARRY (on luggage handle, going up) Across the nation! CUT TO: SEQ. 3950 - “ROSE PARADE” EXT. PASADENA PARADE BARRY (V.O) Alright. Tournament of Roses. Pasadena, California. They’ve got nothing but flowers, floats, and cotton candy. Security will be tight. VANESSA I have an idea. CUT TO: EXT. FLOAT STAGING AREA ANGLE ON: Barry and Vanessa approaching a HEAVILY ARMED GUARD in front of the staging area. VANESSA Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. He leans in to look at her badge. She SNAPS IT SHUT, VANESSA (CONT’D) Oh, it’s real. HEAVILY ARMED GUARD Sorry ma’am. That’s a nice brooch, by the way. VANESSA Thank you. It was a gift. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 107. They ENTER the staging area. BARRY (V.O) Then, once we’re inside, we just pick the right float. VANESSA How about the Princess and the Pea? BARRY Yeah. VANESSA I can be the princess, and-- BARRY ...yes, I think-- VANESSA You could be-- BARRY I’ve-- VANESSA The pea. BARRY Got it. CUT TO: EXT. FLOAT STAGING AREA - A FEW MOMENTS LATER Barry, dressed as a PEA, flies up and hovers in front of the princess on the “Princess and the Pea” float. The float is sponsored by Inflat-a-bed and a SIGN READS: “Inflat-a-bed: If it blows, it’s ours.” BARRY Sorry I’m late. Where should I sit? PRINCESS What are you? BARRY I believe I’m the pea. PRINCESS The pea? It’s supposed to be under the mattresses. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 108. BARRY Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. PRINCESS I’m going to go talk to the marshall. BARRY You do that. This whole parade is a fiasco! She EXITS. Vanessa removes the step-ladder. The princess FALLS. Barry and Vanessa take off in the float. BARRY (CONT’D) Let’s see what this baby will do. ANGLE ON: Guy with headset talking to drivers. HEADSET GUY Hey! The float ZOOMS by. A young CHILD in the stands, TIMMY, cries. CUT TO: EXT. FLOAT STAGING AREA - A FEW MOMENTS LATER ANGLE ON: Vanessa putting the princess hat on. BARRY (V.O) Then all we do is blend in with traffic, without arousing suspicion. CUT TO: EXT. THE PARADE ROUTE - CONTINUOUS The floats go flying by the crowds. Barry and Vanessa’s float CRASHES through the fence. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 109. EXT. LA FREEWAY Vanessa and Barry speed, dodging and weaving, down the freeway. BARRY (V.O) And once we’re at the airport, there’s no stopping us. CUT TO: EXT. LAX AIRPORT Barry and Vanessa pull up to the curb, in front of an TSA AGENT WITH CLIPBOARD. TSA AGENT Stop. Security. Did you and your insect pack your own float? VANESSA (O.C) Yes. TSA AGENT Has this float been in your possession the entire time? VANESSA (O.C) Since the parade...yes. ANGLE ON: Barry holding his shoes. TSA AGENT Would you remove your shoes and everything in your pockets? Can you remove your stinger, Sir? BARRY That’s part of me. TSA AGENT I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. CUT TO: EXT. RUNWAY Barry and Vanessa’s airplane TAKES OFF. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 110. BARRY (O.C) Then, if we’re lucky, we’ll have just enough pollen to do the job. DISSOLVE TO: SEQ. 4025 - “COCKPIT FIGHT” INT. AIRPLANE Vanessa is on the aisle. Barry is on a laptop calculating flowers, pollen, number of bees, airspeed, etc. He does a “Stomp” dance on the keyboard. BARRY Can you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job. I think this is going to work, Vanessa. VANESSA It’s got to work. PILOT (V.O) Attention passengers. This is Captain Scott. I’m afraid we have a bit of bad weather in the New York area. And looks like we’re going to be experiencing a couple of hours delay. VANESSA Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They’ll never make it. BARRY I’ve got to get up there and talk to these guys. VANESSA Be careful. Barry flies up to the cockpit door. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT - CONTINUOUS A female flight attendant, ANGELA, is in the cockpit with the pilots. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 111. There’s a KNOCK at the door. BARRY (C.O) Hey, can I get some help with this Sky Mall Magazine? I’d like to order the talking inflatable travel pool filter. ANGELA (to the pilots, irritated) Excuse me. CUT TO: EXT. CABIN - CONTINUOUS Angela opens the cockpit door and looks around. She doesn’t see anybody. ANGLE ON: Barry hidden on the yellow and black “caution” stripe. As Angela looks around, Barry zips into the cockpit. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT BARRY Excuse me, Captain. I am in a real situation here... PILOT (pulling an earphone back, to the co-pilot) What did you say, Hal? CO-PILOT I didn’t say anything. PILOT (he sees Barry) Ahhh! Bee! BARRY No, no! Don’t freak out! There’s a chance my entire species-- CO-PILOT (taking off his earphones) Ahhh! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 112. The pilot grabs a “DUSTBUSTER” vacuum cleaner. He aims it around trying to vacuum up Barry. The co-pilot faces camera, as the pilot tries to suck Barry up. Barry is on the other side of the co-pilot. As they dosey-do, the toupee of the co-pilot begins to come up, still attached to the front. CO-PILOT (CONT'D) What are you doing? Stop! The toupee comes off the co-pilot’s head, and sticks in the Dustbuster. Barry runs across the bald head. BARRY Wait a minute! I’m an attorney! CO-PILOT Who’s an attorney? PILOT Don’t move. The pilot uses the Dustbuster to try and mash Barry, who is hovering in front of the co-pilot’s nose, and knocks out the co-pilot who falls out of his chair, hitting the life raft release button. The life raft inflates, hitting the pilot, knocking him into a wall and out cold. Barry surveys the situation. BARRY Oh, Barry. CUT TO: INT. AIRPLANE CABIN Vanessa studies her laptop, looking serious. SFX: PA CRACKLE. BARRY (V.O) (in captain voice) Good afternoon passengers, this is your captain speaking. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24F please report to the cockpit. And please hurry! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 113. ANGLE ON: The aisle, and Vanessa head popping up. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT Vanessa ENTERS. VANESSA What happened here? BARRY I tried to talk to them, but then there was a Dustbuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded...Now one’s bald, one’s in a boat, and they’re both unconscious. VANESSA Is that another bee joke? BARRY No. No one’s flying the plane. The AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER, BUD, speaks over the radio. BUD This is JFK control tower. Flight 356, what’s your status? Vanessa presses a button, and the intercom comes on. VANESSA This is Vanessa Bloome. I’m a florist from New York. BUD Where’s the pilot? VANESSA He’s unconscious and so is the copilot. BUD Not good. Is there anyone onboard who has flight experience? A BEAT. BARRY As a matter of fact, there is. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 114. BUD Who’s that? VANESSA Barry Benson. BUD From the honey trial? Oh great. BARRY Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It’s got giant wings, huge engines. VANESSA I can’t fly a plane. BARRY Why not? Isn’t John Travolta a pilot? VANESSA Yes? BARRY How hard could it be? VANESSA Wait a minute. Barry, we’re headed into some lightning. CUT TO: Vanessa shrugs, and takes the controls. SEQ. 4150 - “BARRY FLIES PLANE” INT. BENSON HOUSE The family is all huddled around the TV at the Benson house. ANGLE ON: TV. Bob Bumble is broadcasting. BOB BUMBLE This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK airport, where a very suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh off his stunning legal victory... "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 115. Adam SPRAYS a can of HONEY-WHIP into his mouth. ADAM That’s Barry. BOB BUMBLE ...is now attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers, and an incapacitated flight crew. EVERYONE Flowers?! CUT TO: INT. AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL TOWER BUD Well, we have an electrical storm in the area, and two individuals at the controls of a jumbo jet with absolutely no flight experience. JEANETTE CHUNG Just a minute, Mr. Ditchwater, there’s a honey bee on that plane. BUD Oh, I’m quite familiar with Mr. Benson’s work, and his no-account compadres. Haven’t they done enough damage already? JEANETTE CHUNG But isn’t he your only hope right now? BUD Come on, technically a bee shouldn’t be able to fly at all. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT. Barry REACTS BUD The wings are too small, their bodies are too big-- "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 116. BARRY (over PA) Hey, hold on a second. Haven’t we heard this million times? The surface area of the wings, and the body mass doesn’t make sense? JEANETTE CHUNG Get this on the air. CAMERAMAN You got it! CUT TO: INT. BEE TV CONTROL ROOM An engineer throws a switch. BEE ENGINEER Stand by. We’re going live. The “ON AIR” sign illuminates. CUT TO: INT. VARIOUS SHOTS OF NEW HIVE CITY The news report plays on TV. The pollen jocks are sitting around, playing paddle-ball, Wheel-o, and one of them is spinning his helmet on his finger. Buzzwell is in an office cubicle, playing computer solitaire. Barry’s family and Adam watch from their living room. Bees sitting on the street curb turn around to watch the TV. BARRY Mr. Ditchwater, the way we work may be a mystery to you, because making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you something about a small job. If you do it really well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That’s why I want to get bees back to doing what we do best. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 117. Working together. That’s the bee way. We’re not made of Jello. We get behind a fellow. Black and yellow. CROWD OF BEES Hello! CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT Barry is giving orders to Vanessa. BARRY Left, right, down, hover. VANESSA Hover? BARRY Forget hover. VANESSA You know what? This isn’t so hard. Vanessa pretends to HONK THE HORN. VANESSA (CONT’D) Beep, beep! Beep, beep! A BOLT OF LIGHTNING HITS the plane. The plane takes a sharp dip. VANESSA (CONT’D) Barry, what happened? BARRY (noticing the control panel) Wait a minute. I think we were on autopilot that whole time. VANESSA That may have been helping me. BARRY And now we’re not! VANESSA (V.O.) (folding her arms) Well, then it turns out I cannot fly a plane. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 118. BARRY (CONT'D) Vanessa struggles with the yoke. CUT TO: EXT. AIRPLANE The airplane goes into a steep dive. CUT TO: SEQ. 4175 - “CRASH LANDING” INT. J-GATE An ALERT SIGN READING: “Hive Alert. We Need:” Then the SIGNAL goes from “Two Bees” “Some Bees” “Every Bee There Is” Lou Loduca gathers the pollen jocks at J-Gate. LOU LODUCA All of you, let’s get behind this fellow. Move it out! The bees follow Lou Loduca, and EXIT J-Gate. CUT TO: INT. AIRPLANE COCKPIT BARRY Our only chance is if I do what I would do, and you copy me with the wings of the plane! VANESSA You don’t have to yell. BARRY I’m not yelling. We happen to be in a lot of trouble here. VANESSA It’s very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice. BARRY It’s not a tone. I’m panicking! CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 119. EXT. JFK AIRPORT ANGLE ON: The bees arriving and massing at the airport. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT Barry and Vanessa alternately SLAP EACH OTHER IN THE FACE. VANESSA I don’t think I can do this. BARRY Vanessa, pull yourself together. Listen to me, you have got to snap out of it! VANESSA You snap out of it! BARRY You snap out of it! VANESSA You snap out of it! BARRY You snap out of it! VANESSA You snap out of it! CUT TO: EXT. AIRPLANE A GIGANTIC SWARM OF BEES flies in to hold the plane up. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT - CONTINUOUS BARRY You snap out of it! VANESSA You snap out of it! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 120. BARRY You snap-- VANESSA Hold it! BARRY (about to slap her again) Why? Come on, it’s my turn. VANESSA How is the plane flying? Barry’s antennae ring. BARRY I don’t know. (answering) Hello? CUT TO: EXT. AIRPLANE ANGLE ON: The underside of the plane. The pollen jocks have massed all around the underbelly of the plane, and are holding it up. LOU LODUCA Hey Benson, have you got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT Lou, Buzz, Splitz, and Jackson come up alongside the cockpit. BARRY The pollen jocks! VANESSA They do get behind a fellow. BARRY Black and yellow. LOU LODUCA (over headset) Hello. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 121. Alright you two, what do you say we drop this tin can on the blacktop? VANESSA What blacktop? Where? I can’t see anything. Can you? BARRY No, nothing. It’s all cloudy. CUT TO: EXT. RUNWAY Adam SHOUTS. ADAM Come on, you’ve got to think bee, Barry. Thinking bee, thinking bee. ANGLE ON: Overhead shot of runway. The bees are in the formation of a flower. In unison they move, causing the flower to FLASH YELLOW AND BLACK. BEES (chanting) Thinking bee, thinking bee. CUT TO: INT. COCKPIT We see through the swirling mist and clouds. A GIANT SHAPE OF A FLOWER is forming in the middle of the runway. BARRY Wait a minute. I think I’m feeling something. VANESSA What? BARRY I don’t know, but it’s strong. And it’s pulling me, like a 27 million year old instinct. Bring the nose of the plane down. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 122. LOU LODUCA (CONT'D) EXT. RUNWAY All the bees are on the runway chanting “Thinking Bee”. CUT TO: INT. CONTROL TOWER RICK What in the world is on the tarmac? ANGLE ON: Dave OTS onto runway seeing a flower being formed by millions of bees. BUD Get some lights on that! CUT TO: EXT. RUNWAY ANGLE ON: AIRCRAFT LANDING LIGHT SCAFFOLD by the side of the runway, illuminating the bees in their flower formation. INT. COCKPIT BARRY Vanessa, aim for the flower! VANESSA Oh, okay? BARRY Cut the engines! VANESSA Cut the engines? BARRY We’re going in on bee power. Ready boys? LOU LODUCA Affirmative. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 123. INT. AIRPLANE COCKPIT BARRY Good, good, easy now. Land on that flower! Ready boys? Give me full reverse. LOU LODUCA Spin it around! The plane attempts to land on top of an “Aloha Airlines” plane with flowers painted on it. BARRY (V.O) I mean the giant black and yellow pulsating flower made of millions of bees! VANESSA Which flower? BARRY That flower! VANESSA I’m aiming at the flower! The plane goes after a FAT GUY IN A HAWAIIAN SHIRT. BARRY (V.O) That’s a fat guy in a flowered shirt! The other other flower! The big one. He snaps a photo and runs away. BARRY (CONT'D) Full forward. Ready boys? Nose down. Bring your tail up. Rotate around it. VANESSA Oh, this is insane, Barry. BARRY This is the only way I know how to fly. CUT TO: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 124. AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL TOWER BUD Am I koo-koo kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? CUT TO: EXT. RUNWAY BARRY (V.O) Get your nose in there. Don’t be afraid of it. Smell it. Full reverse! Easy, just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in. Drop it in, woman! The plane HOVERS and MANEUVERS, landing in the center of the giant flower, like a bee. The FLOWERS from the cargo hold spill out onto the runway. INT. AIPLANE CABIN The passengers are motionless for a beat. PASSENGER Come on already! They hear the “ding ding”, and all jump up to grab their luggage out of the overheads. SEQ. 4225 - “RUNWAY SPEECH” EXT. RUNWAY - CONTINUOUS The INFLATABLE SLIDES pop out the side of the plane. The passengers escape. Barry and Vanessa slide down out of the cockpit. Barry and Vanessa exhale a huge breath. VANESSA Barry, we did it. You taught me how to fly. Vanessa raises her hand up for a high five. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 125. BARRY Yes. No high five. VANESSA Right. ADAM Barry, it worked. Did you see the giant flower? BARRY What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius, man. Genius! ADAM Thank you. BARRY But we’re not done yet. Barry flies up to the wing of the plane, and addresses the bee crowd. BARRY (CONT’D) Listen everyone. This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We’re the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers, and dress like this. If we’re going to survive as a species, this is our moment. So what do you all say? Are we going to be bees, or just Museum of Natural History key chains? BEES We’re bees! KEYCHAIN BEE Keychain! BARRY Then follow me... Except Keychain. BUZZ Hold on Barry. You’ve earned this. Buzz puts a pollen jock jacket and helmet with Barry’s name on it on Barry. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 126. BARRY I’m a pollen jock! (looking at the jacket. The sleeves are a little long) And it’s a perfect fit. All I’ve got to do are the sleeves. The Pollen Jocks toss Barry a gun. BARRY (CONT’D) Oh yeah! ANGLE ON: Martin and Janet Benson. JANET BENSON That’s our Barry. All the bees descend upon the flowers on the tarmac, and start collecting pollen. CUT TO: SEQ. 4250 - “RE-POLLINATION” EXT. SKIES - CONTINUOUS The squadron FLIES over the city, REPOLLINATING trees and flowers as they go. Barry breaks off from the group, towards Vanessa’s flower shop. CUT TO: EXT. VANESSA’S FLOWER SHOP - CONTINUOUS Barry REPOLLINATES Vanessa’s flowers. CUT TO: EXT. CENTRAL PARK - CONTINUOUS ANGLE ON: Timmy with a frisbee, as the bees fly by. TIMMY Mom, the bees are back! "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 127. Central Park is completely repollinated by the bees. DISSOLVE TO: INT. HONEX - CONTINUOUS Honex is back to normal and everyone is busily working. ANGLE ON: Adam, putting his Krelman hat on. ADAM If anyone needs to make a call, now’s the time. I’ve got a feeling we’ll be working late tonight! The bees CHEER. CUT TO: SEQ. 4355 EXT: VANESSA’S FLOWER SHOP With a new sign out front. “Vanessa & Barry: Flowers, Honey, Legal Advice” DISSOLVE TO: INT: FLOWER COUNTER Vanessa doing a brisk trade with many customers. CUT TO: INT: FLOWER SHOP - CONTINUOUS Vanessa is selling flowers. In the background, there are SHELVES STOCKED WITH HONEY. VANESSA (O.C.) Don’t forget these. Have a great afternoon. Yes, can I help who’s next? Who’s next? Would you like some honey with that? It is beeapproved. SIGN ON THE BACK ROOM DOOR READS: “Barry Benson: Insects at Law”. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 128. Camera moves into the back room. ANGLE ON: Barry. ANGLE ON: Barry’s COW CLIENT. COW Milk, cream, cheese...it’s all me. And I don’t see a nickel. BARRY Uh huh? Uh huh? COW (breaking down) Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat. BARRY I had no idea. VANESSA Barry? I’m sorry, have you got a moment? BARRY Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate here will be able to help you. Mooseblood ENTERS. MOOSEBLOOD Sorry I’m late. COW He’s a lawyer too? MOOSEBLOOD Ma’am, I was already a bloodsucking parasite. All I needed was \* a briefcase. \* ANGLE ON: Flower Counter. VANESSA (to customer) Have a great afternoon! (to Barry) Barry, I just got this huge tulip order for a wedding, and I can’t get them anywhere. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 129. BARRY Not a problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. Vanessa turns back to deal with a customer. VANESSA You’re a life-saver, Barry. (to the next customer) Can I help who’s next? Who’s next? ANGLE ON: Vanessa smiling back at Barry. Barry smiles too, then snaps himself out of it. BARRY (speaks into his antennae) Alright. Scramble jocks, it’s time to fly! VANESSA Thank you, Barry! EXT. FLOWER SHOP - CONTINUOUS ANGLE ON: Ken and Andy walking down the street. KEN (noticing the new sign) Augh! What in the world? It’s that bee again! ANDY (guiding Ken protectively) Let it go, Kenny. KEN That bee is living my life! When will this nightmare end? ANDY Let it all go. They don’t break stride. ANGLE ON: Camera in front of Barry as he flies out the door and up into the sky. Pollen jocks fold in formation behind him as they zoom into the park. BARRY (to Splitz) Beautiful day to fly. "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 130. JACKSON Sure is. BARRY Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. FADE OUT: "Bee Movie" - JS REVISIONS 8/13/07 131.

Also Me: We Have to go

Reggie: Suck On My P U S S I E

Dave: 🏳️‍🌈gay🏳️‍🌈

Me: That'll hold 'im alright, Hehehehe

Reggie: The sights of hell bring its viewers back in.

Me: Are You Okay?

Everyone Goes To The Mountain:

Melony: Are We Safe?

Me: YOU HAVE UNO

Reggie: I don't have UNO so go fuck off.

Me: Everyone has UNO dipshit, it came free with your fucking Xbox.

Reggie: I didn't get it, I have the oldest Xbox known to man.

Me: No you don't, I bought mine on day one you fucking tard.

Reggie: Well, mine didn't have it.

Me: YOU HAVE UNOOOO YOU FUCKING DICK.

Reggie: I don't have it you fucking faggot.

Me: YOU HAVE UNOOOOOOO.

Reggie: I DON'T FUCKING HAVE UNO MOTHERFUCKER.

Me: GO TO IT IN THE ARCADE AND YOU'LL BE ABLE TO DOWNLOAD IT FOR FREE, YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKER. IT'S A FUCKING CART GAME, THEY DON'T EVEN CHARGE PEOPLE FOR IT.

Reggie: I DON'T HAVE TWO, I DON'T HAVE THREE, I DON'T HAVE FUCKING FOUR, I DON'T HAVE SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE, TEN, OR ELEVEN.

Me: YOU DON'T KNOW A GODDAMN THING, IT'S FUCKING UNO, IT'S FREE.

Reggie: I DON'T HAVE UNOOO.

Melony: here we go again

Mr. Jupiter: Boss We Have A Big One Coming

Reggie: A Wither Storm? Shoot It it Ain’t Dangerous

Mr. Jupiter: Okay boss!

Melony: G E N I U S

Me: Ya Know Where Tords Been?

Reggie: (FFFFFLLLLLAAAAASSSSSHHHHHBBBBBAAAAACCCCCKKKKK)

Reggies Brain: (5 weeks ago)

Tord: Where am I going?

Reggie: Your Fine Just Stay cal-

Present Day:

Reggie: He Went To The Hospital Because off ass cancer

Me: GO TO HIM

Mr.Jupiter: We Got That Wither Storm Want To Sing Pal?

Reggie: sure!

Mr. Jupiter And Reggie: Союз нерушимый республик свободных Сплотила навеки Великая Русь. Да здравствует созданный волей народов Единый, могучий Советский Союз! Славься, Отечество наше свободное, Дружбы, народов надежный оплот! Знамя советское, знамя народное Пусть от победы, к победе ведет! Сквозь грозы сияло нам солнце свободы, И Ленин великий нам путь озарил. Нас вырастил Сталин - на верность народу На труд и на подвиги нас вдохновил. Славься, Отечество чаше свободное, Счастья народов надежный оплот! Знамя советское, знамя народное Пусть от победы к победе ведет! Skvoz grozy siialo nam solntse svobody, I Lenin velikij nam put ozaril. Nas vyrastil Stalin - na vernost narodu Na trud i na podvigi nas vdokhnovil. Slavsia, Otechestvo chashe svobodnoe, Schastia narodov nadezhnyj oplot! znamia Sovetskoe narodnoe Pust Ot pobedy k pobede vedet! Мы армию нашу растили в сраженьях, Захватчиков подлых с дороги сметем! Мы в битвах решаем судьбу поколений, Мы к славе Отчизну свою поведем! Славься, Отечество наше свободное, Славы народов надежный оплот! Знамя советское, знамя народное Пусть от победы к победе ведет!

Me: Wow isn’t singing the Soviet anthem llegal?

Wither storm: FJVFHBJFNVUFFUBHFFGIJFBUFHGUFGNIGJFIGFGIFHJTIBJTUHGNH

Me: FUCK

Also Me: I’m Tired 🥱

Melony: Have Good Dreams😊 (Gives Blanket)

Dream 1:

Me: (Fucking Mothra) Ready for round 2?

Mothra: Yea- AHHHHHHHH

Mothras dad: (bursts in) WHO GOES THERE

Me: God Dammit I’m out honey (Jumps Out Window)

Mothras Dad: Sorry Baby did you watch your 155,963 Infants

Mothra: No Dad Why?

Mothras Dad: Because that Man Is A Rapest

Mothra: Will Hé Fuck Them?

Mothras Dad: Yes All 155,963 Of Them he kidnapped 3 of them already

Mothra: oh God

Dream 2:

Me: Ayy

Tord: I Have a important Thing Today You’ll Need To Tell A Big Crowd all the presidents by singing about them

Me: Fuck Reggie Natsuki We Got a job

Reggie: okay

Natsuki: Okay

Next hour:

Tord: now breath 5 times do this in one go my friend

Me: Okay here we go ready all 155,963 People

Also Me: Heigh-ho! Do you know The names of the US residents Who then became the Presidents And got a view from the White House loo Of Pennsylvania Avenue?

Reggie: George Washington was the first, you see He once chopped down a cherry tree

Natsuki: President number 2 Would Be John Adams And Then Number three

Me: Tom Jefferson stayed up to write The Declaration late at night So he and his wife had a great big fight

And she made him sleep on the couch all night

Reggie: James Madison never had a son And he fought the War of 1812

Natsuki: James Monroe's colossal nose Was bigger than Pinocchio's

Me: John Quincy Adams was number six And it's Andrew Jackson's butt he kicks So Jackson learns to play politics Next time he's the one that the country picks

Natsuki: Martin Van Buren number eight For one term shot as Chief of State

Me: William Harrison, how do you praise? That guy was dead in thirty days!

Reggie: John Tyler he liked country folk

Natsuki: And After Him Came President Polk

Me: Zachary Taylor liked to smoke His breath killed friends whenever he spoke

Reggie: 1850, really nifty Millard Fillmore's in

Me: Young and fierce was Franklin Pierce The man without a chin

Natsuki: Follows next a period spanning Four long years with James Buchanan Then the South start shooting cannon And we've got a Civil War

Me Natsuki And Reggie: A War! A War! Down South In Dixie!

Me: Up to bat comes old Abe Lincoln

Natsuki: There's a guy who's really thinking

Reggie: Kept the United States from shrinking Saved the ship of state from sinking

Natsuki: Andrew Johnson's next, he had some slight defects

Reggie: Congress each would impeach

Natsuki: And so the country now elects

Me: Ulysses Simpson Grant who would scream and rave and rant

Reggie: While drinking whiskey, although risky Cause he'd spill it on his pants

Me: It's 1877, and the democrats would gloat But they're all amazed when Rutherford Hayes Wins by just one vote

Natsuki: James Garfield, someone really hated Cause he was assassinated

Reggie: Chester Arthur gets instated Four years later he was traded

Natsuki: For Grover Cleveland, really fat Elected twice as a democrat Then Benjamin Harrison, after that It's William McKinley up to bat

Me: Teddy Roosevelt charged up San Juan Hill

Reggie: And President Taft he got the bill

Me Natsuki And Reggie: In 1913 Woodrow Wiiilllllllson... Takes us into World War I

Me: Warren Harding, next in line

Natsuki: It's Calvin Coolidge, he does fine

Reggie: And then in 1929 The market crashes and we find!

Me: It's Herbert Hoover's big debut He gets the blame, and loses to

Natsuki: Franklin Roosevelt, President who Helped us win in World War II

Reggie: Harry Truman, weird little human Serves two terms and when he's done

Me: It's Eisenhower who's got the Power From '53 to '61

Natsuki: John Kennedy had Camelot Then Lyndon Johnson took his spot

Me: Richard Nixon, he gets caught And Gerald Ford fell down a lot

Reggie: Jimmy Carter liked camping trips

Me: And Ronald Reagan's speeches' scripts All came from famous movie clips And President Bush said "read my lips"

Reggie: Bill And Hillary Was Weird Old Folks and Good Old Bush Chocked On A Snack

Me: Obama Was The Egghead With Pepper Then Good Orange Donald Trump

Natsuki: And Now in Washington D.C

Reggie: The democrats And The High Prices

Natsuki: But the ones in charge is plain to see It’s President Biden And Harris

Me: The next President to lead the way Well, it just might be yourself one day Then the press will distort everything you say So jump in your plane and fly away

Dream 3:

Me: Reggie! There’s ufos!

Reggie: run to your huge chicken coop!

Me: The ufo’s are in every corner!

Reggie: SHOOT THEM

Me: Get in the chicken coop!

Reggie: There’s balls everywhere!

Me: Thats What She Said😏

Reggie: Bouncy Balls!

Me: Oh Crap

Reggie: Well This Is Bullshit

Me: Got one down

Reggie: good all we need is t- AHHHH

Me: REGGIE😭

Me: (wakes up) WHAT IN THE HOT DOG WAS THAT??

Reggie: dude are you okay

Melony: he must Have Had A Nightmare

Me: More Like Nightmares I Fucked Mothra Natsuki Me And Reggie Sung About Presidents And Me And Reggie fought aliens

Reggie: Nice

Mr. Jupiter: im speechless That was a weird Group Of Dreams

Me: Why Did I Have A Dream Like That?

Reggie: I Don’t know Anyways Want Some Vodka

Me: Sure! (Chugs Five Gallons) (Falls Asleep)

Melony: Vodka Makes You Tired Dumbass

Dream 4:

Me: AHHHHHHHH MONKEYS

Tord: RUN RUN RUN

Me: THERES A DEAD END

Tord: FUCK

Me: JESUS CHRIST

Tord: THIS IS HELL

Me: KEEP RUNNING BUDDY WE WILL MAKE IT

Tord: AHHHHHHHH

Me: O B A M A

Tord: ITS NOT TIME FOR JOKES WE GOTTA GO

Me: OKAY THESE MONKEYS ARE KEEPING UP WITH US😨

Tord: I HAVE TO PISS

Me: THAT CAN SLOW THEM DO- (Falls)

Dream 5:

Reggie: Who is has the worst kinky this is a simp challenge

Me: Okay!

Robot: (Shows picture Of Ankha)

Me: THERE GOES MY B O N E R

Reggie: DEFINITELY SIMP

Robot: (Shows Picture Of Melony)

Me:  Y E S

Reggie: Nope Nope Nope Nope NOPE ITS A FUCKING SMG4 CHARACTER

Robot: Shows Picture of Mothra

Me: GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOCOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDD DEFINITELY

Reggie: Ugh Her Ass Is Too big for me

Robot: (Shows picture Of Pepper)

Me: Fuck no!

Reggie: she kinda hot

Robot: (Shows Picture of Reggie)

Reggie: Hey! That’s me

Me: Hmmm well Reggie’s my son But He’s cute

Reggie: hey robot who has the worst kinky?

Robot: Collin does

Dream 6:

Me: frhgfbvfbutvntubtmbiyb

Reggie: ngugnuvngjbnymbjhn

Tord: rhfbdvhbfvhgbvhggnhgbng

Me: (Wakes up) WHY AGAIN

Melony: I Think This is out of control anyways it’s like 1 pm you wanna go explore the Northern Mariana Islands?

Me: Sure Want to go Reggo?

Reggie: Sure!

Me: Hmm Melony Still Got The Amulet?

Melony: yeah

Me: We Can Find Tords Location With it

Melony: okay (shows Tords location)

Me: Wait what?! He’s In Hawaii?!

Melony: yeah we came for nothing

Meanwhile At Alaska:

Reggie: Jupiter Let’s sing all star!

Mr. Jupiter: Okay!

Reggie: Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead

Mr. Jupiter: Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do, so much to see

Reggie: So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow

Meanwhile At Guam Airport:

Melony: Take Me And My Friend To Hawaii Our Friends Missing!

Karen: NOO YOU HAVE NO MONEY!!!!

Me: Im A Fucking quadrillionanire!

Karen: GIVE ME MONEY

Me: Fine (Taps My Rings) Tada! (Ruby’s Fall Out Of Nowhere)

Karen: Okay Thanks Sir Your Trip Will Take 4 hours

Me: 4 hours For a friend With Ass Cancer?! Fuck you!

Meanwhile At Alaska:

Mr. Jupiter: Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold

Reggie: It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now, wait 'til you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture The ice we skate is getting pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on fire, how about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored

Mr. Jupiter: Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid All that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold

Border Patrol: WE FOUND A MAN IN A RED SHIRT PASSED OUT AT ISLAND 6!!

Reggie: wait Tords been found! Collin left already

Border Patrol: WE ARE TAKING HIM

Reggie: DONT COLLIN WILL BE MAD!!

Border Patrol: BYE SIR WE ARE TAKING HIM TO PHILADELPHIA!!

Reggie: NOOOOOOO

Meanwhile At Hawaii:

Karen: Welcome to Hawaii! :)

Me: Okay Before You Do Anything Else I’m Deathly Allergic To Pineapple Pork Rum Macadamia nuts Stupid Tiny Guitars Overpriced Golf sentimental military stuff Lava People Who I can’t tell Are black Or Asian Apostrophes Anyone twirling Flames Second Weddings And Linen Pants

Karen: Is There Anything Else You Are Allergic To?

Me: Yeah Deez Nuts

Karen: … GO TO THE HOSPITAL THIS ANT THE PLACE YOU WANT TO BE

Me: IM LOOKING FOR MY FRIEND

Reggie: THE BORDER PATROL TOOK HIM TO PHILADELPHIA

Me: Are you kidding me?

Reggie: NO IM NOT WE GOT TO START A HEIST

Me: We Track Them Down Philadelphia is in Pennsylvania we are in Hawaii bro

Reggie: I KNOW BUT THEY HAVE PLANES!!

Me: I SAID WE TRACK THEM DOWN?!?!?!?!?!?!

Arnold: Ayy Just Started My Vacation I Brought Chocolate!

Reggie: I See A Giant Club There Can We Go?

Me: Sure Go Ahead And Come Arnold It’s Like 6 Degrees Right now and you shouldn’t Freeze

Inside The Awards Building:

Arnold: Ya Know my witherstorm didn’t really cause That Much Damage I Should Make A New One

Me: Arnold! NO

Arnold: (Makes Witherstorm)

Also Arnold: (Gets Blown Back) (Gets Up) Creature Attack!

Me: Fuck This Was A Bad idea

Also Me: (Almost Gets Blowed Up) Woah! Jesus

Wither Storm: (Sucks Up Things)

Reggie: Everyone Stay Calm! This Fowl Beast Is No Match For Me! (Hits)

Arnold: Creature Attack!

Reggie: (Hits Again) HYAH!!

Also Reggie: What Have you done!

Arnold: My Fucking Business Furry!

Me: Reggie!

Reggie: No! Stay Away! It’s After Me Not You!

Arnold: Look At Him! The Mighty Leader Of The Order! Looks Like True Greatness Is Out of His Reach

Also Arnold: He May Not Be Able to destroy This Storm But I Can!

Also Also Arnold: Creature! Retreat!

Wither Storm: (Doesn’t Stop)

Arnold: Ahem… Creature! Retreat!

Also Arnold: Fucking Retreat I Said! Retreat!

Melony: Hes Lost Control Of It!

Arnold: No Need To Be Alarmed My Friends! I Have A Elixir That Will Destroy This Thing (Throws Reggies Vodka)

Also Arnold: Umm What?

Reggie: Uh Oh

Arnold: Impossible! It Should Have Worked I Took Such Care!

Melony: That Thing Reggie The Potion! Give it to him Now!

Arnold: You Dicks Your Ruining Everything!

Reggie: But Finders Keepers!

Me: (Takes It) Here Take It! (Throws At Witherstorm)

Arnold: It’s Goddamn Protecting Itself! Without the command soul in touch The Potion Is Useless! It Wasn’t Supposed To Happen Like This! (Runs Away)

Reggie: Arnold! You Coward Come Back Here!

Also Reggie: (Gets Sucked Up By Tractor Beam) AHHHHHHHH

Melony: (Grabs Reggie) Collin! Help Me Get Him!

Me: Okay! You Got to lose Weight Reggie!

Reggie: Thank You Arnold Was Right About one thing I Can’t Defeat That Thing! I Must Get To Africa Everyone’s Running Away We Can’t Do This Will You Help Me?

Me: Of Course! I’m Your Fucking Father!

Melony Me And Reggie: (Runs)

Outside The Award Building:

Prostitues: (Running)

Me: Out of my way! Chickens!

Wither Storm: (Breaks Thorough The Award Building) FNFVNFGNBGHNG (Grows 2 Heads)

Me: Uhhgg (Runs)

Also Me: (Gets Sucked Up) WAIT! HEY IM UP HERE SOMEBODY HELP ME GUYS!

Also Also Me: Fuck (Craws Down Bridge) AHHHHHHHH (Hits Sand)

Some Random Dude: UGHGHGHGHGAHHHHHHHHHHH

Me: (runs)

Tord: (Escapes CIA Truck) Fuck I’m free

Me: (falls) DAMN SIDEWALK

Also Me: Tord!

Tord: Holy Shit! Oh Man If I Was Still In That Truck Thanks For Watching me

Me: Your Welcome

Melony: Collin!

Witherstorm: (Rips Open Ground) VRNHVVHFVGVG

Me: Wait! wait! We Have to stay together!

Melony: Collin! Help Me!

Me: (Helps)

Melony: AGHHHH

Me: I Can’t Hold On!

Melony: AHHHHHHHH

Me: NOOOHOHOHOOOOO

Reggie: UGHGGH (Helps)

Me: Do We Still Have Everyone?

Reggie: Yeah But Not That Bitch Arnold We Don’t Have Him

Tord Melony Me And Reggie: (Runs)

Melony: Thanks For That Right Now

Me: Well Now We’re Eve-

Witherstorm: (Blows Up Me And Melony)

Melony: Incoming!

Me: Lets Go!

Melony And Me: (Runs)

Later:

Reggie: Stay Together Everyone! We’ll Be Safe As Soon As We get To My Bunker!

Melony: GUYS! (Falls into Sewers)

Me: AHHHHHAHAHAH

Also Me: (Runs)

Reggie: Everyone! Keep Going! We’ll Meet Up On the other side!

Me: (Runs Faster)

Reggie: The Bunker Is Just Up Ahead Follow Me!

Everyone: (Gets In Bunker)

Reggie: Got Everyone?

Me: Except For Melony…

Tord: Where’s Natsuki?

Me: Can We Sleep?

Reggie: i Guess We Should

Dream 7:

Me: the only thing I can eat is Bananas😒

Tord: Well Just Go to Walmart!

Me: THEIR CLOSED

Tord: OKAY YOU DONT HAVE TO SHOUT AT ME!

Also Tord: Just Go To The Clothes Store It’s Open!

Me: Okay See Ya

At The Store:

Tord: (Calls) Collin Can You Come Here

Me: Didn’t I Say I Was Buying Clothes!

Tord: Well I Accidentally Ripped Your Mothra And Melony Body Pillow

Me: NOOO YOU FUCKING BITCH

Also Me: Wait I Can’t Find Them

Tord: What Do You Mean You Can’t Find Them?

Me: i Can’t Find Them Theres Only Soup

Tord: What Do You Mean Theres Only Soup!

Me: It’s Means Theres Only Soup!!

Tord: We’ll Then Get Out Of The Soup Isle!

Me: OKAY YOU DONT HAVE TO SHOUT AT ME

Also Me: (Walks Down Isle 4) Theres More Soup!

Tord: What Do You Mean Theres More Soup!

Me: Theres Just More Soup!

Tord: Go Into The Next Isle!

Me: Theres Still Soup!

Tord: WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW?!

Me: IM AT SOUP

Tord: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR AT SOUP?!

Me: I MEAN IM AT SOUP

Tord: WHAT STORE ARE YOU IN?!

Me: IM AT THE SOUP STORE

Tord: WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE?!

Me: FUCK YOU!!

Dream 8:

Me: Impact is the parkeerplaats

Reggie: What?

Me: Impact is the parkeerplaats

Reggie: I’m Sorry But What?!

Me: Impact is the parkeerplaats!

Melony: NO IT ISNT

Me: IT IS

Melony: NO IT ISNT

Me: SHUT UP

Melony: YOU SHUT UP!

Dream 9:

Reggie: Ankha!

Ankha: What?

Reggie: What’s the Oldest Nation!

Ankha: San Marino!

Me: Israel Is Bro

Ankha: SAN MARINO!

Me: ISRAEL

Ankha: SAN MARINO!

Me: I S R A E L

Ankha: S A N M A R I N O ! ! !

Reggie: Everyone Please Shut the fuck up

At The Sewers:

Melony: Where Am I?

Natsuki: Good Question Your in The Sewers This Place is full Of Ukrainian Female Soldiers

Melony: Why Only Women?

Natsuki: Ever Since The “Incest Accident” They Moved Here

Melony: Why Did It Happen?

Natsuki: …Your Too Young Sweetie

Melony: Okay (Bang Snaps) What’s That Noise?

Natsuki: Their Here!

Melony: Their Nice Right?

Natsuki: Not Really They Shoot You If Your Not Ukrainian

Melony: Russias The Best Kill them

Natsuki: Okay! (Gives AK47) Get ‘Em!

Melony: Okay (Shoots 45 Soldiers)

Natsuki: Forgot To Tell You Theirs Entity’s Here Too

Melony: WHAT

Natsuki: Don’t Panic We Can Kill Them

Meanwhile At Reggies Bunker:

Reggie: I’m Getting Mad

Tord: Why?

Reggie: I Can’t Decide If I Should Put The Gay Flag Or Russian Flag On My Bunk Bed

Tord: Do Both

Reggie: Okay

Me: It’s Like 6am Right Now Should We Be Asleep?

Reggie: NO WE DRINK VODKA AND WATCH THE UKRAINE WAR

Me: Sounds Fun Sure!

Tord: I Kinda Like Moonshine Better Lol But They Are the Same Thing So I’m Joining In

Me Reggie And Tord: (Watch’s Ukraine War)

Back To The Sewers:

Melony: I’m Tired Of This Place

Natsuki: I Don’t Understand This Place Is Now Kinda My Home Near my house, this was an old maintenance hatch which led down into the sewer beneath the town, which had since been sealed over with cement, because of reports of people going missing when falling down the open hatch. We heard that engineers working down there had reported strange noises coming from down in the depths of the old drainage system. The locals rumoured that there had been once been a mass grave dating back to an ancient plague. This had been thought to have been cleared out in the 18th century so it could be for underground tunnels. In the 60's the government had decided that it be used as a sewer for the rather large town above.

Melony: Oh Okay

Natsuki: Well Theres A Exit To Here But I Need To Get There

Meanwhile At Reggies Bunker:

Reggie: Ya Know Tord How Did The Big Bang Happen?

Tord: Idk

Me: It All Started 13.8 Billion Years When Me And God Was Arm Wrestling Although I Had A Big One Coming Here’s How It Happend:

God: Hahaha! You Goin Down Man!

Me: Get Closer

God: Okay!

Me: (Farts)

God: Oh Dude That Is Sick!

Me: Ha! Defeated! Wait Can I Have That Soup With Chile Powder Taco Meat Cheese Greens And Every Bean In The World?

God: Take It Stupid (Gives)

Me: (Drinks All) Ugh My Stomach Wait! Give Me Your Lighter!

God: Here You Go

Me: WITH THE POWER OF MY ASS I WILL MAKE THE UNIVERSE

God: No you Can’t!

Me: We’ll See (Let’s Out A Massive Fart) AHHHHHHHH THAT BURNT

God: Smell That!

Me: It’s Galaxy’s

Reggie: Hey I Just Got Back From Whole Foo- OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT SMELL

Me: The Big Bang Bro

Reggie: Ok

Me: Thats How it happend!

Reggie: I Guess I Shouldn’t Have Asked

Tord: I Think Melonys In Trouble

Me: Lets Search For Her

Reggie: Okay!

12 Minutes Later:

Reggie: My Balls Are Freezing

Me: If You Kept That Soap On Your Dick It Wouldn’t Happen!

Reggie: IT FELT WERID

Tord: Same Wait Didn’t Melony Falls In The Sewers Last Night?

Me: Yeah! Let’s Go!

1 Acre Away:

Natsuki: The Exits Here! We Gotta Go

Me: (Smash’s Door) OLA MEGOS!

Melony: COLLIN

Natsuki: I Haven’t Fuckin Seen you In Weeks!

Me: Your The One Who’s Hiding in a fucking sewer Because That Incest Thing!

Natsuki: ITS FOR SAFETY

Me: But Why A Fucking Sewer?!

Natsuki: IDK ITS THE FIRST PLACE I COULD GO

Reggie: Let’s Go I’m Seeing Ukrainians Charge Towards Us

Me: Fuck Let’s Go Melony

Natsuki: Am I Left Out Or Something?

Me: You Can Go Too Let’s Just Get Out Of Here!

Outside The Sewers:

Reggie: Is That The Wither Storm?!

Me: No Reggie That’s A Fucking Dead Tree😂

Natsuki: We Need To Get To That Bunker Before We See That Thing

Reggie: Everyone I Don’t Give A Rats Ass

Natsuki: Stfu

Me: Theres The Bunker GET THERE IMMEDIATELY

Melony: I Haven’t Even Seen That

Natsuki: I Still Don’t Know Why I’ve Been In That Sewer For 5 Weeks

Me: Get in! We DONT Have All Day

Inside Reggies Bunker:

Reggie: Everyone Welcome To My Lair!

Melony: Um That’s Just A Bomb Shelter Russian Style With Futuristic Things And Suicide Pills

Me: Yeah Sayori used To Own This Place (Scratches Head) S-

Reggie: MELONY THIS IS A BUNKER NOT A BOMB SHELTER

Melony: You Dont Even Fucking Own The Propriety!

Reggie: Sayoris Dead Already!

Melony: WELL YOU CANT JUST CLAIM TO OWN IT AFTER SHES DEAD

Reggie: ITS FREE REAL ESTATE

Melony: N O Wait Your Right!

Me: Say UwU If Your Into Me

Natsuki: …

Melony: ……

Reggie: ………

Tord:     …………

Me: S A Y U W U O R I W I L L K I L L Y O U

Reggie: UwU

Tord: YEET (Kicks Reggies Head)

Me: Lets Get On The Computer!

Reggie: Sure! Dark Web Time?

Me: Yeah!

Natsuki: Um Isn’t Child Porn On The Dark Web?

Me: Yeah!

Reggie: Yeah!

Tord: Yeah!

Reggie: Yeah! just Go Away If You Dont Want to see it

Natsuki: Okay😮‍💨

Me: Okay Tor Broswer And Done! Deep Web Or Dark Web?

Reggie: D A R K W E B

Me: K!

Reggie: Hentais On Here? Why Did You Never Tell Me!

Melony: Can I Joi- 🤮🤢

Natsuki: It Isn’t Ba- OH MY GODDESS THATS LITERALLY ANIME PORN BRO

Reggie: Stfu And Watch I Can Buy Guns On Here

Melony: Why Do You Need Guns?

Reggie: For My Army Those Stupid Ukrainians Invaded Us

Melony: (Walks Back) Ok

Me: I Brought Surströmming Who Ever Survives The Longest Without Puking Gets My Hentai Collection

Reggie Me Melony And Tord: (Eats Surströmming)

Me: Okay Here We Go how’s Everybody Doing?

Reggie: Good Good So Far

Me: Alright Alright

Tord: Nothing Yet

Me: Cool Cool You Know I Didn’t Know If You Guys Had Me At A Chicken Coop Already But Damn Thats Some Good Surströmmi- BLAARGHH

Tord: One Down Who Won’t Be Having The Hentai Bo- BLAERGHHH

Melony: I'm starting to feel funny

Reggie: Well, I feel fine, I guess I'm gonna- BLHUARGH!

Melony: Oh boy! That means I win! I get to Have Henta- HUAARRGGH!

Tord: HUARRGH! Oh, Oh God! Why didn't anybody tell me... HUARGH!

Me: Oh my God, My Insides Are on Fir- BLEARGH!

Tord: No! No please! No More! No More! HUAARGH

Melony: I'm scared! GHARGH!

Reggie: Get the phone! Call 91-AUGHHHH

Me: NATSUKI NATSUKI! NATSUKI, GET IN HERE! HUAAGH!

Reggie:  Okay, okay, I think it's all gone... I thi- HUAARGH

Tord: I don't wanna...I don't wanna BLHUARGH!

Reggie: COLLIN! COLLIN, I NEED YOU TO HOLD MY EARS- BLAARGH!

Me: BLAAAAAARGH!

Reggie: Why Why Did You Do Thi- HUARGGH!

Natsuki: Who Wants Chowder?

Me Reggie Melony And Tord: BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGH

Next day:

Reggie: Natsuki

Natsuki: What?

Reggie: Collins Been Building A Relationship With Melony I Think They Are More Then Just Friends

Natsuki: Arent They Like Dating?

Reggie: Yeah But Collin Might Want to Be Engaged With Her

Natsuki: Collin Proposed To Her Last Night

Reggie: i know

Natsuki: And She Said Yes

Reggie: Wait There Married?!

Natsuki: Yep Just Today

Reggie: I Bet Collin Wants A Child Already

Natsuki: I Don’t Really Think So

Reggie: I’ll Give him One

Natsuki: How?!

Reggie: With Powers I’ll summon A Baby in Melony So Collin Will have a son

Natsuki: Okay! Do it

Reggie: First I’ll See if Collin Wants One

Also Reggie: Collin! Like Children

Me: Not Really But I Would Like One

Reggies Mind: YES IM DOING IT

Me: Im Already Married So I Guess I Should Have A Child

Next Day:

Me: Reggie I Cant Handle It Anymore

Reggie: What’s Wrong?

Me: I Want A Child From Melony

Reggie: ……it’s……okay……how……much……do……you……want……it……

Me: Real Bad I Bought Baby Food Already!

Reggie: …okay okay do you want to see rule 34 of Melony?

Me: Sure!

Reggie: …oookay

Me: There Isn’t Any

Reggie: Exactly She Isn’t Popular I can make some if you want… or just dream about her…

Me: I want Like A Child Not Rule 34

Reggie: Don’t Do it!

Me: Why?!

Reggie: She’s With someone!

Me: Axol That Stupid Manga Artist He’s Dead!

Reggie: he will watch over you

Me: But But Bu-

Reggie: Do it I Don’t Fucking Care Just do it

Me: Okay

Reggie: But go to The Planet Mars And Do it so I won’t see it

Me: Okay

Tord: (Slams Door) No no no Bitch

Natsuki: I Over Heard Your Conversation Lol I Can’t Believe you Want A Child From Melony

Me: (Realizes Melony Has Enhanced Hearing) I Was Joking!

Reggie: It’s Okay Bro! Everyone Is A Chad Nowadays

Natsuki: Thank God Melony Didn’t Hear The Conversation I Think She’s Actually Planning For A Baby Too

Me: (Sighs) Good How Old is She!

Natsuki: Like 30 Years Old

Me: Then Why Is She Planning For One!

Natsuki: She Wants To

Reggie: That’s Um Kinda Weird… Both Of Yall Are Planning

Me: Ikr

Reggie: I Hope You Have A Good Child Okay

In Heaven:

God: Melonys Not Really Pretty

Axol: Brat.…

God: Sorry

Axol: YOU SAY SORRY YOU ROASTED MY GIRL😡😡

At The Bomb shelter:

Reggie: Did you Eat Beans

Me: Nope I didn’t Do it

Reggie: Why?!

Me: i Was Too Full

Reggie: Okay Let’s Practice Seeing Who Has The Longest Dick

Me: Okay!

In The Closet:

Reggie: Okay This Is Mine 8=============D

Me: This Is Mine 8====================================================D

Reggie: …Fuck You!

Out Of The Closet:

Melony: (Sees Horror Movie)

Natsuki: Its Okay It’s Okay!

Melony: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHDTDTIXFDUDXFHH F D

Me: What Is It? (Realizes I Need Time To My Self) Be Back In A Minute! (Goes Into Bathroom)

Reggie: I’m Going In There (Walks In) OH HEY FREE SEMEN

Reggies Mind: A single sperm and the mother's egg cell meet in the fallopian tube. When the single sperm enters the egg, conception occurs. The combined sperm and egg is called a zygote. The zygote contains all of the genetic information (DNA) needed to become a baby.

Reggie: I Have A Idea!

Next Day:

Doctor: The Symptoms Melony Has Is Increased urination a Missed period Tender swollen breasts And Fatigue Melony Is Totality Pregnant

Natsuki: WHAT?!

Reggies Mind: YES WE DID IT

At The Bomb Shelter:

Me: Am I Ever Gonna Get A Child?!

Reggie: Good News I Got Her Pregnant

Me: Did you Have Sex With Her?!

Reggie: I Used Powers To Give Her A Baby That Will Be Yours!

Me: THANK YOU SO MUCH SON

Reggie: Your Welcome!

At The Hospital:

Melony: (Gives Birth)

Doctor: ITS A BOY!

Natsuki: ARE YOU KIDDING ME HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

In Heaven:

Axol: (Smiles) Well At Least She’s Happy

God: Ya Know Reggie Is More Intelligent Than I Thought

Axol: Wait He Did It

God: He Used Powers To Summon A Baby In Her idk How It Happend

At Reggies Bunker:

Me: What Will I Name The Child?!

Reggie: Name Him After Our Dead Leader Trevor

Me: Okay

Natsuki: WHY DOES MELONY HAVE A CHILD (Stares At Me)

Me: I Didn’t Do Anything to her

Reggie: I felt bad For Him So I Summoned A Child In Her

Natsuki: Wait If it’s Collins Child ITS POWERFUL AS WELL

Tord: Your Son Looks Like the illegitimate Lovechild Of A Russian And Cat Ears!

Me: Don’t Yell at me Single Bitch

Tord: 😡

Reggie: I Swear Natsuki is Destroying My Eardrums

Me: I swear all she does all day is masterbate and masterbate, it sounds like she's mixing mac n cheese and you can hear it throughout the whole fucking Bomb Shelter. Tords has been complaining to her but she just started going louder and louder. Worst part is my computer is in her Office so everyday I have to go in there and see her just fucking DEMOLISHING her pussy, juices flying everywhere! and then i say, "hey maybe out down a towel to keep clean atleast," BUT SHE JUST FUCKING IGNORES ME. I cant stand living here honestly. Yesterday when I went to go use my computer it was absolutely drenched in her juices, and she stained at least 6 of my shirts by now. And Melony teases me, "haha haha Collin Got Natsukis grool on his shirt, “Girlcum Collin” has become my nickname. I hate it!

Natsuki: Reggie I Don’t Understand Why You Threw Up ITS JUST A FOOD

Reggie: BURAAGGH! Can We Go Hiking At Yellowstone?

Natsuki: Yes As Long As You Dont Fall In The Volcano I’ll Keep Melony She’s A Cry Baby

Natsuki: Hmm What’s This? (picks Up Sour Watermelons That Make You Puke) Melony Try This!

Melony: Hmm Never had one, but someone Once told me this is a really good way to start your diet.

Also Melony: (Bites) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Natsuki: Fuck Are You Okay?!

Melony: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHDTDTIXFDUDXFHH F D

Natsuki: God Whats Wrong?

Melony: AAAAGHXDFUF FU CHC H AAAAAAAUGHDRDRYFSECGVH

Also Melony: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEFRZXFHVVH BGGEUUUAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHEDHC G H H H

WAAAAAHHATSCH N J

Natsuki: Once In My Life I’m Not Surprised Your Half Melon Eating One Is Cannibalism To You

Melony: UUUGH SSTTTTTSSSTTTTTSSSTTTSSS EHUH EUUUUGH

Also Melony: (punchs Throat another Punch but it's messed up)

Also Also Melony: EEEEEEEEERREEEEEEER AHAH

Natsuki: 😂

Melony: BURAAGGH EEERUM

Me: Unfortunately I fucked a mr.clean magic eraser last night

Reggie: How And Why?!

Me: So I opened a box of magic erasers Last Night and I noticed they held water pretty decently and felt kinda nice. so I had the brilliant idea of cutting a hole in it putting warm water on it and then putting my meat in there. it didn’t end up well, first I couldn’t fit it in so I made the hole bigger and It was really close to the edge and I still couldn’t get the tip past without ripping the sponge in half so I grabbed lotion and tried to slide in more, but the fucking sponge kept absorbing the lotion so I was getting nowhere, I look into the hole to see how the fuck it absorbed the lotion that quick and see some red and I realized I was bleeding but I keep going because I wanted to see if it would eventually work but I had to stop because I was bleeding so bad and my tip was red and stinging..

Reggie: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!

Me: Chill im immortal

Reggie: Oh Okay

In Heaven:

Axol: You useless piece of shit. You absolute waste of space and air. You uneducated, ignorant, idiotic dumb swine, you’re an absolute embarrassment to humanity and all life as a whole. The magnitude of your failure just now is so indescribably massive that one hundred years into the future your name will be used as moniker of evil for heretics. Even if all of humanity put together their collective intelligence there is no conceivable way they could have thought up a way to fuck up on the unimaginable scale you just did. When Jesus died for our sins, he must not have seen the sacrilegious act we just witnessed you performing, because if he did he would have forsaken humanity long ago so that your birth may have never become reality. After you die, your skeleton will be displayed in a museum after being scientifically researched so that all future generations may learn not to generate your bone structure, because every tiny detail anyone may have in common with you degrades them to a useless piece of trash and a burden to society. No wonder your father questioned whether or not your were truly his son, for you'd have to not be a waste of carbon matter for anyone to love you like a family member. Your birth made it so that mankind is worse of in every way you can possibly imagine, and you have made it so that society can never really recover into a state of organization. Everything has forever fallen into a bewildering chaos, through which unrecognizable core, you can only find misfortune. I would say the apocalypse is upon us but this is merely the closest word humans have for the sheer scale of horror that is now reality. You have forever condemned everyone you love and know into an eternal state of suffering, worse than any human concept of hell. You are such an unholy being, that if you step within a one hundred foot radius of a holy place or a place that has ever been deemed important by anyone, your distorted sac religious soul will ruin whatever meaning it ever had beyond repair. You are an idiotic, shiteating, dumbass ape and no one has ever loved you. Rhodes Island would have been better off if you'd never joined us. You are a lying, backstabbing, cowardly useless piece of shit and I hate you with every single part of my being. Even this worlds finest writers and poets from throughout the ages could never hope to accurately describe the scale on which you just fucked up, and how incredibly idiotic you are. Anyone that believes in any religion out there should now realize that they have been wrong this entire time, for if divine beings were real, they would never have allowed a being such as you to stain the earth and this universe. In the future there will be horror stories made about you, with the scariest part of them being that the reader has to realize that such an indescribable monster actually exists, and that the horrific events from the movie have actually taken place in the same world that they live in right now. You are the absolute embodiment of everything that has ever been wrong on this earth, yet you manage to make it so that that is only a small part of the evil that is your being. Never in the history of mankind has there been anyone that could have predicted such an eldrich abomination, but here you are. It’s hard to believe that I am seeing such an incredible failure with my own eyes, but here I am, so unfortunately I cannot deny your existence. Even if I did my very best, my vocabulary is not able to describe the sheer magnitude of the idiotic mistake that is you. Even if time travel some day will be invented, there still would not be a single soul willing to go back in time to before this moment to fix history, because having to witness such incredible horrors if they failed would have to many mental and physical drawbacks that not even the bravest soul in history would be willing to risk it. I cannot imagine the pure dread your mother must have felt when she had to carry a baby for nine months and then giving birth to such a wretched monster as you. Not a single word of the incoherent, illogical rambling you may be wanting to do to defend yourself or apologize would ever be able to make up for what you just did. The countries of the world would have wanted to make laws preventing such a terrible event like this from ever happening again, but sadly this is not possible since your horrific actions just now have shattered every form of order this world once had, making concepts such as laws irrelevant. Right from the moment I first set my eyes on you I knew you were an absolute abomination of everything that is wrong with humanity. I was hoping I would have been able to prevent your evil from being released upon this world by tagging along and keeping my eye on you, but it is clear to me now that not even the greatest efforts would have been able to prevent a terrible event in this scale from occurring. You are the worst human being, or even just being in general, that I have ever had the misfortune of witnessing. Events like the infected plague apparently only happened with the goal of teaching humanity to survive such a horrible event as the one you just created, but not even mankind’s greatest trials were able to even slightly prepare anyone for the insufferable evil you have just created. If you ever had them, your children would be preemptively killed to protect this universe from the possibility of anyone in your bloodline being even half as bad as you are, except you will never be able to have children, because not a single human being will ever want to come within a hundred mile radius of you and anything you have ever touched. You are a colossal disappointment not only to your parents, but to your ancestors and entire bloodline. The disgusting mistake that you have just made is so incredibly terrible that everyone who would ever be to hear about it would spontaneously feel an indescribable mixture of immense anger, fear and anxiety that emotionally and physically they would never truly be the same ever again. The sheer scale of your mistake, if ever to be materialized, would not only surpass the size of the world, but it would reach far beyond the edges of the known, and almost certainly the unknown universe. I could sit here and write paragraphs, nay, books describing your immense failure, yet even if I were to dedicate my life to describing the reality of what has just gone down here, and I would spend every moment of it until my heart stops beating working as hard and efficiently as possible, yet there is not even a snowballs chance in hell that I would be able to come close to transcribing the absolute shitshow you have just released upon the world. You are an irresponsible, idiotic, disgusting, unloved, horrible excuse for a living being who’s soul contains less humanity than every ginger in history combined. The absolute disgust I feel when thinking about anything that has even a slight resemblance to anything that might have to do with you and your unholy actions is so incredibly great that when I am honest about it I think that even I do not posses a consciousness great enough to comprehend my own feelings about it. When people of Columbia fought to break free from Lungmen, countless soldiers fought and lost their lives in favor of a chance at a better future for their children, they did not give their lives to have you fuck the world up beyond repair to the degree that you are doing right now. Honestly, even when technology advances and studies on the subject become more and more accurate, I do not think humanity will ever truly be able to understand what your failure actually means for the universe. My hate for you and everything you stand for is so much deeper than the depths of Shambala that you could probably take the entire Lungmen population down there and back up around twenty million times before you would have sunk to the end of my hate, and honestly, I do not want to exaggerate, but I think that that insult was low balling it such a massive amount that all mountains in this world combined would not be able to stack up to this imprecise judgement in light of the fact that when being honest, my hate is almost certainly bottomless. There is no one in this world that has ever loved you, and especially after what you just did, no one will ever love you in the future either. There is no hope that your idiotic behavior and especially your crooked soul will ever change for the better, and in fact quite the opposite might be true. By making the mistake that you just did, you have shown me that you are so incredibly hopeless that you will only devolve into a more idiotic and wretched creature than you already are. The only possible way in which your future would be brighter than the black hole your existence currently is would exclusively be because there is absolutely no conceivable way that you would even be able to sink lower than the pathetic place your current failure has put you in.

God: Woah What Did I Do?!

At The Bomb Shelter:

Natsuki: Collin You Suck

Me: Im Going I Don’t Give A Fuck About That Wither Storm I’m Going!

Natsuki: Good Now We Have More Air

Me: ARGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH YOU FUCKING DICK

Tord: I’m going too!

Me: Okay Now I Have Company With Me

Reggie: Im Also Going!

Me: Okay Then

On The Way:

Me: I See A Stop Sign!

Tord: Ignore It

Reggie: Isn’t That illegal?

Me: Yeah

Tord: Destroy it!

Me: Fuck the stop sign put the car on cruise control and hop into the back seat Then I’ll stick my ass out of the backseat window and prepare

Reggie: Okay!

Me: As soon as You pass the stop sign, I’ll Unleash a huge shit, smothering the stop sign in a violent storm of excrement, which cakes itself perfectly on the stop sign in the shape of a hand sticking up its middle finger. Then, I’ll pull my ass back into my car, and climb even further back into the trunk area, and I will open the rear door. I take my rocket launcher from underneath the back seat and hold it up to the stop sign now covered in my shit.

Reggie: Okay!

Me: Then I’ll Fire the rocket launcher at the stop sign. It explodes. I’ll hop back into the front seat and retake control. I turn around and head back to the stop sign. As I Get Back, You lock the steering wheel into a turned state and put the gas back on cruise control in such a way that the car autopilots around the stop sign endlessly mocking the sign with its donuts, constantly passing the front of the sign without stopping. I’ll exit the moving vehicle carrying a chainsaw and a dildo. The vehicle continues to shame the stop sign with its donuts. I’ll slowly approach my foe and fire up the chainsaw. Fuck this piece of shit sign. I’ll start wailing at it with my chainsaw mercilessly. Tearing it to shreds. Then, I’ll strap on my massive dildo and proceed to penetrate deeply into the ashes that remain for hours until I’m too exhausted to continue. You roll to the side panting for air as I catch my breath. Then I pull out my game boy and play some Pokémon for a little bit. It’s a decent session. I level up my Digglet a few times. Once I’ve caught my breath, I put the game boy away and stand again before my defeated enemy, and I’ll proceed to insult it further. Hours Will go back as I’ll continue to unleash my most fearsome yo momma jokes at the dead stop sign.

Reggie: That Is Um Stupid ITS A STOP SIGN NOT A MAP BOT

Tord: Ya Know Going Away From Melo- AHHHHHHHH (Crash’s Car)

Me: Dont Worry To The Collincopter! (Gets In Helicopter)

Reggie: I Didn’t Now You Had A Helicopter!

Me: Hey! There’s South Park! I’ll Get Closer (Hits Tree With Copter) AHHHHHHHH OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH MY GOD (Crash’s Into Stan’s House)

Randy: Collin What The Hell!

Me: Randy Randy! Get Inside! the Blades Are Still Spinning!

Randy: What Is That Thing!

Me: Randy Get Inside!

Randy: That Thing Is Destroying My Yard!

Me: Oh My God! No No AHHHHHHHH! (Helicopter Blows Up)

Tord: Bro! You just crashed your helicopter!

Me: No Worrys! To The Hindencollin! (Crashes Into Stans House)

Randy: OH MY GOD!

Me: Randy i am so sorry!

Randy: How Can you afford These Things?!

Me: Lets Just Get to Yellowstone And Forget this happened!

Randy: Wait! Let’s Have A Conversation

Reggie: So Last Night When I Had To Piss I Saw This Werid Emo Couple Walking Down In The Forest Holding Hands We’re In And They Where Smoking Radioactive Weed

Tord: how Do you Know What Radioactive Weed Is!

Reggie: Shut The Fuck Up! Anyways Let Me Finish My Story

Me: Wait How Emo Was She!

Reggie: Well Like Very Emo And Talked About Balls In Jaws Or Something

Me: Did She Have Short Hair? Was She Short like 4 11?

Reggie: Yes And She Had Thin Eyebrows That Looked Like The Angry Emoji

Tord: that’s a freaky Goth girl!

Me: Wait That’s My Sister!

Reggie: Wait my auntie bro!

Me: Yeah Good Ol Auntie!

Tord: Why Is She With A Creepypasta?!

Reggie: I Know Man He’s A Creepy Murderer

Me: Well Shes Kinda Werid She Had A Werid Crush For Offenderman Last year

Randy: Wait… What!

Natsuki: (Pulls In) It’s Been 5 Hours Get in!

Me: Wait Randy Needs To Try Reggies Secret Vodka!

Reggie: Sorry Man I Already Drunk It All

Tord: why didn’t you leave any for me bitch! Furry

Allie: (Walks Over) What’s My Favorite Person Doin-

Reggie: I’m A Furry You Know That Right!

Allie: AUNTIE DIDNT RAISE NO FURRY NO FUCKING FURRY (Beats Up Reggie)

Reggie: BITCH IM A RUSSIAN SOLDIER FROM WW1

Allie: Show Me Some Fucking Respect!

Reggie: IM MORE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK AUNTIE

Tord: Bro you’re gonna get canceled on Twitter for Chris Browning your auntie!

Reggie: 😡Man I Don’t Care She Dosent Like Me!

Randy: Wait Can I Have Your IP Adress?!

Allie: KISS MY MOTHERFUCKING ASS

Tord: CHILL DOWN SHE USES 4CHAN !!!!! 4chan is a literal hell hole for big tidy goth girls and neck beard incels dawg

Allie: what r u trying to say?

Tord: nothing shawty the point is ur a femcel and he should be a little weirded out

Melony: who is this new bitch?

Tord: have u not been listening this entire time u big air headed bitch? It’s Reggie’s aunt lolz

Me: be nice to my motherfuckin wife or I’ll behead you like I’m a cartel gang member

Melony: thank u honey !💕

Me: You’re welcome Melony. Go find our baby! And hide it please

Melony: (goes to get Trevor)

Allie: hold on Jeff is messaging meeee

Tord: You’re blushing is he ur boyfriend

Allie: yes he is i love him a lot

Me: stop sexting your bf and socialize with my homies sis

Tord: LMFAOOO horny ass Emo chick

Allie: yes and what about it?

Tord: OHHH LAWD SHE HORNY

Allie: maybe a lil bit👀👀

Reggie; Tord stop flirting with my aunt she’s taken anyway she don’t want ur musty Norwegian ass

Allie: I don’t want him I want Jeff to show up smh I told him to be here five minutes ago

Tord: he’s not a good boyfriend shawty

Melony: (interrupting sus convo between two skanks) honey I had Trevor like you asked!

Me: thank you

Reggie: Collin make them stop flirting

Me: stay off my sister we’ve talked about this yall ain’t a match she don’t want you!

Tord: fuck my life KMS

Allie: what’ll it be fellas

Me: mustard or ketchup?!

Randy: y’all want some tegrity weed

Allie: roll me a join home slice asap

Melony: no weed around Trevor please

Allie: didn’t you hide him though

Melony: yes I did actually

Me: Melony do u like my sister?

Melony: mhm!! she’s super sweet so far and I can see why so many people flirt with her Emo ass she’s the baddest goth hoe I’ve ever seen

Tord: she fine as hell I want her

Me: Stfu

Jeff: (pokes head thru the door)

Me: Who Do We Have Here?

Reggie: Look! I Got Beans Greens Potatoes Tomatoes Lamb Ram Hogs Dogs Beans Greens Potatoes Tomatoes

Chicken Turkeys Rabbit YOU NAME IT!!!!!!

Randy: Nice! Beans Greens Potatoes Tomatoes Lamb Ram Hogs Dogs Beans Greens Potatoes Tomatoes

Chicken Turkeys Chicken Turkeys Beans Greens Potatoes Tomatoes Lamb Ram Hogs Dogs Beans Greens Potatoes Tomatoes Chicken Turkeys Rabbit

Reggie: YOU NAME IT!!!!!

Me: Calm Down Guys Lets Just Leave And Go to Yellowstone!

At Yellowstone:

Randy: do y’all want some tegridy weed?

Tord: PASS ME A JOIN YOU FABULOUS WEED SMOKING DILF!!!!!

Allie: stop being a fag and roll me one too fuck

Tord: (rolling joint asap) alright bet

Reggie: auntie i didn’t know you were such a stoner chick?!?

Allie: mhm

Me: can i try some?

Allie: (passes me the joint)

Me: (takes a puff and coughs) JESUS CHRIST THIS IS HORRIBLE…..but i feel kinda silly goofy💀

Allie: that’s literally the point. weed makes you feel good and calms you down. that’s why we smoke it all the time🤨

Tord: only hot girls smoke weed yk

Reggie: GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP SIMP!!!!

Allie: LMFAOOOO WHAT????!

Melony: collin honey i told you to stop smoking weed, especially not around trevor!

Me: i’m sorry i’m just trying it it’s been a while since my last good buzz

Melony: fine whatever but don’t do it in front of our son it’ll make him sick

Me: alright whatever i love you

Melony: ily too! (leaves with trevor)

Tord: pink fucking fairies. EVERYWHERE!!!

Reggie: what the actual fuck are you on acid!!?

Allie: i can smell colors and taste sounds

Reggie: oh my god they’re HIGH as FUCK!!

Tord and Allie: (talking at the same time and slurring their words because they’re baked asf) SUCKING COCK AND DICK, RUNNING THROUGH THE MEADOWS!!!!

Tord: ayo shawty (taps Allie)

Allie: what☹️

Tord: U give good head or nah??

Reggie: OHHH HELL NO. TORD, LEAVE!! RIGHT NOW BEFORE I SMACK YOUR ASS SO HARD U SEE STARS AND CRY!!!!

Allie: i’m sorry for being really hot

Reggie: TORD. OUT. NOW.

Tord: FINE U FAT CAT FUCK!!!!! (leaves, running into the Entrance on his way out and hitting his head) ALLIE SHAWTY BAE U HAVE MY NUMBER!!!! CALL ME TONIGHT 4 A GOOD TIME!!!!

Allie: 😐😐

Jeff: ayo wtf is going on here!?!

Tord: (runs tf away and pisses his pants)

Allie: wow u don’t last long do u??

Tord: THAT IS PISS!!!! NOT CUM!!! I REPEAT PISS NO CUM!!!

Reggie: yeah right. ur not a motherfucker ur an auntfucker!!!

Me: that is my sister dawg….

Jeff: i’ll stab that brunette haired fucker in his asshole and force a hooker to give HIM and alabama hot pocket. i know that wife fucking fag has a pussy. (snatches allie and picks her up)

Allie: babe chill out i won’t let him pull anything

Reggie: dawg trust her she’s a real og pimp she don’t lie!!!!

Melony: Allie do u have two boyfriends?? why??

Allie: i do NOT have two boyfriends. Tord is no one 2 me. seriously get y’all’s shit together.

Reggie: yeah she’s loyal dw homie

Melony: oh. well, i know that i’m always loyal to collin!!

Me: you’re a perfect wife.

Melony: Thank you!!

Me: you’re welcome honey. where is trevor?

Melony: he’s talking a nap right now. i’ll wake him up in about an hour or so. i want him to have plenty of rest

Me: ok great

Melony: (sits down beside of me)

Jeff: (sits down with allie in his lap) you guys smoking weed??

Allie: (passes him joint by putting it in his mouth with hers and giving him a lil kiss)

Reggie: tord would be FUMING mad right now if he saw y’all smooching and smoking weed.

Me: i know he wants to sleep with my sister smh

Tord: (calls allie waiting for her to pick up)

allie: Jeff grab my phone and see who it is please

Jeff: alr (picks up phone and sees it’s Tord)

Allie: give me that right now.  (picks up and answers the call) what do u want home slice i’m busy

Tord: I SAID CALL ME FOR A GOOD TIME TONIGHT. U NEVER CALLED SHAWTY BAE!!!☹️

Allie: I’m with my boyfriend leave me alone LMAO (hangs up)

Jeff: why is he so into you? doesn’t he get it that you’re with me?! LMAO

Allie: idk homie

Tord: (sends allie a total of 13 texts confessing his already undying love for her like the simp he is)

Allie: Reggie m handle this for auntie

please!!?

Reggie: (snatches phone and calls Tord) Listen pal leave my aunt ALONE it’s not funny anymore gtfo of here with ur simpery dawg

Me: ohhhh shit here we go with the big love triangle😈👎🏼

Tord: (runs Back up to them) ALLIE PLEASE BE MY WIFE!!! I WILL GET RID OF JEFF ANS WE CAN LIVE TOGETHER IN HARMONY

Allie: if i fuck you will you stfu

Jeff: ALLIE DONT i will cut you open and hang you by your intestines and set you on fire.

Allie: gladly🤤🤤🤤

Jeff: BUT ITS MY JOB TO DO THAT

Allie: looks to me like tord wants to have a go at it

Arnold: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE

Allie: Why Homie Its Time For Dancin-

Arnold: MY WITHERSTORM SPLIT INTO 3

Me: WHAT?!

Reggie: Fuck 3 of them?!

Melony: Crap Get Trevor Asap!

Randy: HOLY HELL SHIT IS THAT YOUR WITHERSTORM?!

Arnold: Yes But GO!

Reggie: Incoming!

Me: FUCK (Gets Blown Up)

Melony: U Okay?!

Me: Oh God! Jeffs Here To!

Jeff: Um Im Running

Allie: NO YOU DONT

Asirel: You Dont Have to worry About Jeff He’s Running Away! Worry About What He’s Running Away From

Reggie: I Feel Like That Thing Got Smaller

Arnold: It Split! There’s 3 Of Them Now

Reggie: Oh

Tord: PROTECT MY HORNY WAIFU

Me: Stfu Simp And Run Before You Get Sucked Up!

Mega Man: There You Are! Sorry About Not Giving You That Drug

Me: Are We Just Collecting The Order Or Something!

Asirel: I Got Lost In The Witherstorm! I Got Out Though

Me: I Got A Nuclear Atomic Bomb I’ve Been Carrying Around I Should Bomb The Storm With it!

Melony: We Discussed That No Warheads Around Trevor!

Me: This Is A Life Or Death Situation Right Now Find A Horse For Us!

Reggie: Don’t Worry! Weeheeheehee dee heeheeheehee weeoh aweem away Weeheeheehee dee heeheeheehee weeoh aweem away

Tord: Singing The Lion Sleeps Tonight Is Getting You Nowhere!

Reggie: 😡

Me: Its Time To Go! We Only Got One Shot At Bombing This Thing!

Reggie: Got The Horses!

Me: Okay Here We Go! (Sets Bomb)

Also Me: Everyone Out Of The Way?!

Melony: Yep

Me: Okay SAY AH

Wither Storm: VH VFJVNFHVFNVHF BGNBNGB

Reggie: WAIT THERES A SUPERVOLCANO IN YELLOWSTONE

Randy: A Super What?

Me: HERE WE GO AHHHHHHHH

Yellowstone: (Blows)

Melony: HURRY UP

Me: IM NOT THAT FAST BRO

Reggie: WOOHOOO

Allie: Reggie Your Screaming In My Ears!

Reggie: Fine

Tord: AM I THE ONLY ONE WITH NO ONE ON MY HORSE?!

Asirel: Am I A Joke to you!

Tord: I DIDNT EVEN KNOW YOUR WERE ON HERE

Asirel: STFU AND RIDE THE HORSE FASTER

Randy: MY WEED ITS GONE

Me: WEED DOSENT MATTER WHEN YOUR BEING CHASED BY A MONSTE- Wait Did It End?

Reggie: Get off The Horses Were Out Of The Death Zone

Melony: So It’s Dead?!

Reggie: For Now It Sunk In Purple Lava

Randy: Purple What?

Reggie: The Most Dangerous Liquid Ever Spawned

Randy: Oh Okay

Me: What Do We Do?

Melony: I Guess We Get Food And A Ca-

Reggie: (Summons A Whole Foods Store And A Tesla Cybertruck)

Also Reggie: Someone Say Food?

Me: You Just Spawned A Whole Foods Store And A Tesla Cybertruck!

Reggie: you Asked For It!

Melony: I Did Bro Let’s Get In Anyways (Gets In Cybertruck)

Like 5 Minutes Later:

Allie: I’m Bored

Tord: Tell Me A Story Waifu!

Me: Shut Up Simp

Reggie: What Happend To Jeff?

Me: He Got In The Crossfires Of The Eurpiton

Allie: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Me: Say UwU And Shut Up

Allie: UWU

Reggie: …no…

Also Reggie: Anyways This one time I got really drunk at my friend's birthday party shots are always fun but never a good idea and went to the washroom to pee. While I don't remember how exactly it happened, when I came out, the sink was broken. I feel it was broken already and I did not notice it because well, the aforementioned shots And that's not even the worst bit. We were at a friend's house, so the birthday girl pretty drunk herself kept promising that she will personally fix the sink. it was a broken sink! but hey alcohol gives us all more confidence than is health, right?

Tord: Didn’t Laugh

Me: I Once Tried to take a shit. Woke up hours later with my pants around my ankles, on the floor. Everything including the floor, my clothes, and the walls were smeared in Toxic Shit.

Melony: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHHHAAAAAA!!

Randy: Want Cum-Mayo?

Tord: LET ME SMEAR IT ON MY WAIFU

Reggie: (Pulls Up Pistol Next To Tords Head) Слушай, Торд, я покончил с этим дерьмом, либо ты принимаешь пулю, либо оставляешь мою тетю в покое!

Allie: Thanks But I Don’t Speak Russian

Trevor: (Just Learns How to Talk) Украина умирает!

Reggie: DID HE JUST SAY UKRAINE DIES?! THATS MY BOY

Me: WOOOOHOOO

Tord: YES YES YES YES YES! NATO SUCKS DICK!

Randy: do y’all want some tegridy weed?

Reggie: No Rand-

Me: NO MY BABY IS LIKE 5 DAYS OLD!

Trevor: Пожалуйста, папа!

Reggie: Trevor You Dont Have Weed Listen To Your Father

Allie: 日本が大好きです!

Me: (Goes Up In Flames) NO YOU LIKE RUSSIA!

Melony: Your Burning The Fucking Car Honey!

Reggie: (Turns On Air Conditioner) So?

Me: ALLIE YOU DONT TALK ANIME JUST SPEAK ENGLISH

Allie: Okay!

Asirel: (Climbs In) OLA MEGOS!

Me: AHHHHHHHH- (Crash’s Car)

Me: What Was That For?!

Asirel: Sorry Bro

Reggie: FUCK YOU!

Asirel: I Have A Job For You Guys

Melony: And Me?!

Asirel: This Is A Guys Thing Sweety

Melony: Okay So Trevor Goes Too?

Me: No

Asirel: We Have To Blow Up The Dokis Place

Reggie: I’m In But Where’s The Mansion At?

Asirel: Like 400 Acres Away

Reggie: Okay!

39 Acres Away:

Monika: These Bitchs Are Planinng To Get Us

Yuri: i Know Bro

Sayori: Bro I See Them

Monika: WHAT?!

Reggie: (Opens Window) YOU BETTER PUT YO HANDS UP OR I WILL MYSELF BITCH

Monika: FUCK YOU! (Drives Away)

Reggie: FUCK

Me: Lets Go Their 361 Acres Away

20 Acres In:

Me: Were Getting Closer

200 Acres In:

Reggie: Okay Were Here

Asirel: Got The Bombs And Chemical Weapons

Also Asirel: Oh Meet My Friend Froggy Too!

Froggy: GHRGNRHVNFHTVVFAHCC

Reggie: Nice

Pur Pur: Okay We Got To First Climb In The Place Natsukis Also There

Reggie: Blow It!

Me: Not Yet Bro

Asirel: We Wait Into The Best Time

Reggie: Fine I’ll Call Mr. Jupiter

Mr. Jupiter: (Blows up the Doki house and shits himself)

Reggie: HOOOLLY SHITT DUDE we were gonna have an actual plan but you just BLEW THIS PLACE THE FUCK UP

Me: WTF

Natsuki: (pisses her pants) YURIS GUTS ARE IN THE AIR OH MY GOD

Mr. Jupiter: (blows it up again) stfu LOL

Tord: guys can i call allie lol

Reggie: NO. OFF MY MF AUNT BRO ITS AWKWARD

Tord: does she sext???

Reggie: I DONT KNOW JUST STOP THIS IS SO AWKWARD OH MY FUCKIJG GOD…

Mr. Jupiter: I think our job is done here boys!!

Me: as allie would say, SLAYYY all goddamn DAYYY SLAYY

Tord: she fine as hell i want her

Me: (bitch slaps him) NO. LEAVE MY SISTER ALONE SHE HAS A BF

Tord: Reggie just get rid of Jeff dude

Reggie: auntie would hate me forever

Tord: NOT IF SHE GOT ME🤤

Reggie: Let’s just go back to the cabin…smh

Tord: IS ALLIE THERE!)!?

Reggie: YES. GOD SHUT UP YOU SIMP!!!

Everyone: (goes back the the cabin and see blood all over the place where Allie is stabbing the shit outta Jeff the fag)

Tord: HOLY SHIT I HAVE A CHANCE

Allie: (literally drenched in blood and standing over Jeff’s dead body) i’m slaying rn guys ;)

Tord: DOES THIS MEAN I HAVE A CHANCE???!?

Allie: umm yes.

Reggie: boys we lost her!!!

Me: aw shit man this is gonna be a disaster

Tord: (picks allie up and runs off) SEE YOU GUYS NEXT WEEK!!!!!

Reggie: oh my god.

Melony: hi honey! (waves to collin)

Me: hi where is trevor??!

Melony: he’s in the cabin, wanna go see him?

Me: hell yeah let’s go!

(Collin and Melony go to see Trevor, Allie and Tord are off somewhere doing probably weird stuff with each other, and Reggie is outside alone girlbossing asf)

Reggie: MAN I REALLY NEED TO GET SOME HOES THIS AINT FAIR NO MORE (Calls Anhka) COME OVER BABYGORL!!!!😈😈

(Tord and Allie come back, Reggie is with Collin and Mr. Jupiter smoking weed from Randy.)

Randy: THIS WEED MAKES MY NUTS TINGLE NGL BRO

Reggie: Wait my balls can smell and taste

Me: ewwww man don’t say that shit!!! that’s nasty!!

Allie and Tord: WE’RE BACK!!! SLAY!!!!!!!!

Reggie: How much fucking did y’all do?

Allie: idk but we did enough

Me: dude stfu you’re my sister i don’t wanna hear you say that shit omfg.

Mr. Jupiter: y’all should totally adopt a baby

Allie: i HATE babies. absolutely not

Tord: or we can have our own!

Allie: maybe soon because we can’t FUCK if i’m pregnant so..

Reggie: jesus christ you horny freaks

Mr. Jupiter: dude is Tord’s dick game good or nah??

Allie: mhm

Tord: what?? did you have doubts Mr. Jupiter?

Mr. Jupiter: yes u nerdy and needy ass virgin acting simp.

Allie: hey chill out man i like him a lot

Tord: U know i wanted u as soon as i saw u.

Reggie: GET OUT OF HERE WITH THAT MUSHY GUSHY HORNY COUPLE BULLSHIT AND BACK TF UP!!!! STOP HOLDING HANDS AND MAKING OUT!!!! GET OUT!!!! KEEP IT IN THE BEDROOM!!! OMFG..

Tord: FINE WE WILL TAKE IT TO THE BEDROOM

Allie: YEAH!!

Also Allie: by the way Tord are you into nazi girls? I’m a nazi❤️

Tord: IDC I STILL WANNA MARRY U GAWDAMN BBG PUT ME IN A GAS CHAMBER

Allie: OMFG SLAY!!!!

Melony: WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE!?!? YALL KINKY…TOO KINKY..

Me: idk honey

Reggie: guys i apologize sincerely for creating rule34. i own the site and i am sorry for all of the little children i’ve scarred, especially my own. ☹️

Randy: You Have Children?

Reggie: Yeah Tom And Bambi

Randy: Oh Okay

Me: WAIT DIDNT THE RUSSIANS RAPE HIM?!

Reggie: That Was Bandu Dave’s Adopted Son

Me: Okay

Ankha: (Nocks On Door) Hello?!

Reggie: Wait A Minute Honey I’m Doing Stuff

Ankha: Okay!

In The Bedroom:

Tord: We Need A Child Real Bad

Allie: Sure

Mr. Jupiter: (Literally Taking A Shit In The Bathroom) That’s What I Wanted To Hear!

Allie: Lets Go To The Adoption Center!

Tord: Okay!

Allie And Tord: (Gets Out Bedroom) WE ARE GETTING A CHILD

Melony: I’m Going

Reggie: I’m Going With Ankha Too

Me: Am I Just Alone?!

Randy: Im Going Just For The Smiles

Me: Okay (Goes In Bedroom)

Also Me: Aww Man There’s Cum Everywere! I’ll Go To Me And Melonys Room Then (Goes In)

In The Bedroom:

Me: Okay! (Gets My Secret Melony Body Pillow And Turns On Pornhub)

Also Me: This Is Fun

At The Adoption Center:

Allie: i Love This One!

Tord: Name Her Mary Jane

Randy: Nice!

Melony: I’m Worryed About Collin

Tord: Stop Melon Bitch He’s Fine!

Melony: Stfu I’m Calling Him (Goes Out Adoption Center)

Also Melony: (Calls Me) Are You Okay?!

Me: Im Just Doin Things Honey I’m Fine!

Melony: We’re Already Coming Back So Get Up If Your In Bed Okay?

Me: Okay!

Everyone Except Me: (Gets In Sidebyside)

Reggie: Jupiter Its Nice Out Here Let’s Sing Like The Old Times!

Mr. Jupiter: Sure!

Reggie: Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead

Mr. Jupiter: Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running

Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow

Tord: Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold

Reggie: It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now, wait 'til you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture The ice we skate is getting pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on fire, how about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored

At The Cabin:

Me: I Think I Should Have Another Child With Melony

In Heaven:

Axol: NO NO NO NO NO NO NOO!

God: Jesus Christ!

Jesus: What?!

God: Get This Man He’s Out Of Control!

At The Cabin:

Me: Ahh It’s So Peaceful

Melony: (Slams Door Open And Runs To Me)

Me: (Puts Melony Body Pillow In Cabinet And Turns Off TV)

Melony: YOU SCARED ME STAYING HERE

Me: Listen Honey I Wanted To Have Time To My Self!

Reggie: You Could Have Said That!

Tord: Meet Mary Jane!

Me: This Was Like The Time i introduced God The Asian:

Me: Gentlemen I Give You The Asian!

Literally Everyone In The Room: Oooh!

Me: Compact Hairless And Fiercely Intelligent The Penises While Tiny Are Extremely Efficient We’re Reaching 10 Billion Years in 5 Days They Will Also Be Different One’s That Will Hate Eachover For Some Reason

God: Do They Just eat Regular Food?!

Me: No No No The Opposite

Me: That Was The Good Ol Days

Allie: Slay

Tord: Stfu Honey

Reggie: Let’s Just Go To Sleep I’m Going With Jupiter To The Bar

Me: Okay

Melony: Good Night😊

Reggie: (Gets In Sidebyside With Jupiter)

Mr. Jupiter: Were Going To The Bar Right?

Reggie: Yes We Are

Mr. Jupiter: Okay

Reggie: Let’s Listen To The Russian Radio!

Mr. Jupiter: Sure!

Radio: Now Back To Popular Russian Cartoons Shoe and Shoelace

Reggie: YAY MY FAVORITE

Radio: SHOE AND SHOELACE ONE IS MEANINGLESS WITHOUT THE OTHER

Mr. Jupiter: THATS A CLASSIC RIGHT THERE!

At The Cabin:

Me: (Wakes Up) I Should Text Reggie!

Also Me: (Gets On Phone Texting Reggie About What Magic Does My Blood Do)

Melony: (Starts To Wake Up)

Me: Im fucking Going To That Bar And Hang Out With My Homie

Also Me: (Exits The Cabin Going To The Bar)

Melony: (Wakes Up) Collin!

Tord: (Wakes Up) WAIFU LETS FUCK

Allie: WHEN U READY!

At The Bar:

Me: (Opens Door) AY YALL CHICKS CAN I HAVE A BLOWJOB?!

Reggie: Here’s Collin My Father And Best Friend

Mr. Jupiter: I Know!

Me: (Gets 56 Blowjobs From Hookers) AWW THAT FEELS GOOD

Reggie: DID YOU HAVE SOME OF RANDYS WEED?!

Me: GIVE ME A SHOT ASAP!

Mr. Jupiter: (Crosses Licker Over To My High Ass) Take It!

Me: MMMMMMMM NICE I SEE GALAXYS AND CHILDREN

Reggie: This Is A 18+ Bar Bro!

Me: TAKE ME OUTSIDE WE START ROBBIN MMMMMMM

Reggie: Oh God

Me: (Gives Hooker a Alabama Hot Pocket) SMELL IT?

Reggie: Omg Stop!

(Me Mr. Jupiter And Reggie Drink Like Manics And Melony Draws Fanart Of Me)

At The Cabin:

Melony: And Done! Aww Fabulous:)

Allie: Ugly

Melony: What Did You Say!

Allie: IT WAS JUST A JOKE BRO

Melony: Not Brusting Your Bubble But We Live In A Post-Joke World Jokes Don’t Exist smh

Allie: Okay You Win

Reggie: OMG ITS DAYTIME

Me: (Calls Melony) I’m Coming Home Soon Okay!

Melony: Okay Honey ily!

Reggie: What’s That Overthere?

Me: MMMMMMM BEEHIVE LET ME GET CLOSER (Pulls Pants Down) (Almost Sticks Dick In Beehive)

Mr. Jupiter: BRO YOU ALMOST STICKED YOUR DICK IN A BEEHIVE

Me: MMMMMMM I DONT CARE!

Mr. Jupiter: Lets Go Take Down Them Van Buren Boys They’re Leader Karl Stole My Bike

Reggie: There’s A Street Gang Named After President Martin Van Buren?!

Mr. Jupiter: Yeah!

Reggie: Let’s Get Em!

At The Street Gang:

Me: Alright, man, look, we go in quiet. In and out, no fuckin' drama.

Reggie: I'll try, homie. But I'm one loud, Russian dramatic, brash, crazy, greedy, shoot a motherfucker in the back type motherfucker. And you love me for it, Homie.

Mr. Jupiter: That's right homie. Nothing but love.

Me: Karls a funny dude though, huh? It's gonna be a shame when we get to book his ass and jack him for all this shit.

Reggie: What the fuck you talking about? You a psychotic motherfucker.

Mr. Jupiter: That's how shit work, ain't it? You do some jobs for a fool, develop a little uneasy relationship. And then they ask you to do something above and beyond. You fall out, fools get capped, then you start all over again with some other fool.

Me: Where the fuck did you get that from? That ain't my life, dummy.

(We arrive at The Gate.)

Mr. Jupiter: The bike should be in one of the lockups down here.

Reggie: "Should be" is the story of your life, asshole.

Me: I'ma make this look easy. Do as I do,

(On their way to the lockup, the three encounter a homeless person.)

Homeless person: Heeeeeey!

Me: I think this crazy motherfucker want something.

Reggie: Hey, what's up homie? You alright?

Homeless person: Away, away, away from me! Kaiju Collection Organization agents

Me: Ungh! Yeah you thought I was gonna hit yo' bitch-ass, huh? Drunk-ass nigga.

(Reggie hits the homeless person)

Me: Cold, homie.

(A pick-up comes around the corner.)

Mr. Jupiter: Shit, man, play it cool.

(The pick-up drives past them.)

Pick-up driver: Yeah, that's right. Keep it moving, bitch.

Reggie: Man, I don't like this shit one bit.

(The three keep walking)

Reggie: Hey, look, let's keep it smooth, homie.

Mr. Jupiter: Man, your pussy's the only thing that's smooth up in this shit.

Reggie: Man, what exactly did I do in a past life to deserve your stupid ass?

Mr. Jupiter: This a routine lick, dog. Chill.

Me: Do them Van Burens look routine? This is Shady Ass Alley!

Mr. Jupiter: We in Doki Stret.

Me: We on the wrong side Of Doki Street. You should know, a block makes a difference.

(The three arrive at the three lockups.)

Reggie: Eh, eh, eh, hold up. Got to be in one of these motherfuckers.

(Jupiter opens the garage to the right.)

Me: Man, ain't this 'bout a bitch? Ain't no motherfucking bike in here, man.

Reggie: No shit.

(Three Van Buren members appear behind them.)

Van Buren member: Hola, amigos!

Mr. Jupiter: Hola, ese.

Van buren member: Oh, we just saw you trying to creep up in here, man.

Reggie: Yeah? You saw this, motherfucker?

(Reggie pulls out a gun and shoots one of the members.)

Me: Oh shit!

Other Van Buren member: Oh! Oh! Oh! Vamos!

Reggie: Motherfucker!

Other member: Come on down everybody! Come on down!

(Reggie throws Me a pistol.)

Me: Hey, Homie, I would have just gotten my ass beat over a fucking gun fight.

(Gun fight starts.)

Van Buren member: Blast them putos! Get those fools!

Reggie: Find your bitch-ass some cover.

(Gun fight continues)

Mr. Jupiter: We got to move! Motherfuckers got us closed in here. Get in behind that truck, homie.

(Gun fight continues.)

Reggie: They got me pinned down! Shoot the gas can!

(I shoot the gas can, which explodes.)

Reggie: Damn! You see that?!

Mr. Jupiter: Now look what you gone and done.

(Mr. Jupiter Me and Reggie start making Our way back down the alley.)

Reggie: Follow me, let's get through this.

(Gun fight continues.)

Me: Up there! To the right!

Mr. Jupiter: Somebody tell them niggas this is a legal repossesion.

Me: So much for legit work. You sure pick the right people to pick a fight with.

Mr. Jupiter: Mhm

Me: Lets Get Home And Watch Shoe And Shoelace!

Reggie: Good idea! Let’s Sing On The Way!

On The Way:

Reggie: If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe I'd been married long time ago Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, Cotton-Eye Joe?

Me: If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe I'd been married long time ago Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, Cotton-Eye Joe?

Mr. Jupiter: He came to town like a midwinter storm He rode through the fields, so handsome and strong His eyes was his tools and his smile was his gun But all he had come for was having some fun

Reggie: If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eye Joe I'd been married long time ago Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, Cotton-Eye Joe?

At The Cabin:

Allie: Tord

Tord: What?

Allie: Lets Go Outside It’s Nightime

Tord: Sure I’ll Get Randy

Allie: Okay!

Allie And Tord: (Goes Outside To A Unlit Campfire)

Allie: Aww Man

Tord: Fuck

Me Reggie And Mr. Jupiter: (Gets Back) WERE HOME!

Allie: What Did Yall Do?

Reggie: Jupiter Got Us In A Gun Fight And We Got Alcohol

Tord: Okay!

Melony: (Walks Out) WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!

Reggie: Jupiter Got Us In A Gun Fight And We Got Alcohol

Melony: RANDY GET INSIDE

Randy: IM SMOKING WEED!

Me: Lets Just Have Fun!

Melony: Ok

Me: (Lites Campfire) HAPPY?!

Allie: Yes!

Reggie: I’m Bored

Me: Same

Reggie: Let’s Go To That Campfire Okay!

Me: Ok Dammit

At The Campfire:

Allie: Lets Tell Story’s!

Me: Okay

Allie: Anyways One Time I loved the dress that I bought at a flea market. It fit perfectly, and the skirt was a swirl of intricate pleats. I wore it confidently to an evening party and glowed when a woman exclaimed, “Oh, how stunning!” Yes, I was grinning from ear to ear, until she added cheerfully, “Hang on to it, honey. Pleats will come back someday.”

Tord: Didnt Laugh

Me: Stfu And Listen

Tord: Listen To What?

Me: Deez Nuts

(I walk toward the Cabin)

Melony: Come quick! They were here for you. Here... For you.

Me: Who was here?

(Me and Melony walk inside)

Melony: Them Van Burens. After you killed Karl!

Me: And they damaged my stuff, huh? They smash up my home. Damage my soul. Look at this... this... this, this, this, this statue Of Mothra. This fucking meant more to me than Karl meant to anyone. And they smashed it. Those pathetic, midlife crisis, hog-riding, shaven-headed, fruity leather-chap-wearing fucking assholes!

Melony: They're assholes, Collin. They are, they're chap-wearing assholes!

(Allie walks in but tries to leave to avoid Reggie)

Reggie: Allie Allie Allie, you little shit. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey. Bella fucking Millers, right? Bitch Husband. Two kids. Forty five. Find her?

Allie: Alaska is a big, big place, Reggie. There's lots of people.

Reggie: You are fucking useless! Huh? Find out who did that fucking robbery, alright? And if Bella Millers lives there, or anyone matching her description, or I'm going to kill you and your fucking cousin! Am I being clear now?

Allie: Yes. Reggie.

Reggie: Thank you Allie. Now, smile.

(Allie begins to smile)

Reggie: Yeah... Alright, that's better. Run along...

Allie: Okay.

Me: Now, Melony. Shall we go? I cannot believe that they fucking destroyed my statue of Mothra. The cheek! Huh? The fucking Thicc Ass cheek of it.

(Me And Melony walk towards two Blazers parked outside The Cabin)

Me: I gotta make a stop at Ammu-Nation. You're meeting me at The Van Burens airfield.

(I drives towards Ammu-Nation)

Melony: Come in. Come in.

Me: I'll come in your ear when I get a hold of you.

Melony: Ahh... what're you buying at the gun shop?

Me: I'm not buying anything. I need a sniper rifle with a high power scope.

(I enter Ammu-Nation)

Me: Melvin, how you feel about brand synergy, huh? Military Industries. Ammu-Nation. Good, 'cause you're about to make a corporate gift of a rifle, a high powered scope and a suppressor. That sniper on your wall looks like it will do the job.

(I 'buy' the sniper rifle)

Me: She'll do nicely. You got a scope with a suppressor for this?

(I buy the scope and suppressor)

Me: They won't here my coming. Okay.

Also Me: Now stop selling weapons to Arnold. Get that look off your face. I know you sold Arnold his gun and he ain't got three brain cells.

(I leave Ammu-Nation)

Me: Melony, I got the gun. Meet me at the water tower just north of the airfield.

Melony: Roger that, Collin. Bu... but you got to look out, 'cause there's bikers all over this airstrip.

Me: Of course there are. Two planes are touching down at the field on a weapons run. We're gonna wait till the right time, and appropriate 'em.

Melony: We are?

Me: Yes. We are.

Melony: I'm waiting at the water tower, boss.

(I arrive at the water tower)

Melony: I'm up here. I don't see the ahrdward, but I do see a helluva lotta bikers. Up here.

Me: Hardware's not here yet. I'm coming up. We gotta wait till you can slip in there unnoticed. Should give you the time to plan a route to the gas tanker you're rigging up to blow.

Also Me: The time is right. Go on

(Melony begins to drive the Blazer towards the airfield)

Me: Whenever you get a doubt in your mind, I want you to remember that I'm watching you through the scope of a high powered rifle.

Melony: Right, Collin. Right. Right. Got it.

Me: Now, relax.

(Melony continues to drive towards the airfield)

Me: The ATV can only take you so far. Park it and don't let 'em spot ya.

Melony: Can you see me, Collin? Collin? You see me!

Me: You wouldn't believe this, Melony. One of these assholes is having a seizure or something.

Melony: That's me! That's me. Don't shoot!

Me: Well, get a move on.

Melony: I'm moving! Just keep me covered, okay?

(Melony continues to move toward the air control tower)

Melony: Hold up! There's a guard standing under the control tower!

(I Kill The guard at the control tower)

Melony: Nice kill, Collin.

Me: Hurry it up, Honey!.

(Melony continues to move toward the air control tower)

Melony: Shit! I hear an engine They're going to see that guy you shot. Maybe if you shoot those lights on the tower, he won't be so obvious! It's coming. Quick. Quick.

(I shoot out the lights)

Melony: You got 'em. Now, don't shoot the guy in the van until he stops and gets out.

(The van drives towards Melonys location)

Melony: Hold fire, we gotta see what he's up to.

(The driver gets out of the van)

Melony: I think he's just calling the dead guy. You can erase him now. He's out. You can put him down.

(I kill the driver)

Melony: You shoulda seent he look on his face. Wait! A guy cme out the control tower! Get him quick.

Also Melony: He's gonna see us.

(I kill the man in the control tower)

Me: So long, sailor.

Melony: Oh no. Bottom of the tower. Another guy's on his way. He's down there, amongst the bodies!

(I Kill The Member)

Melony: Clean shot. There's another guy at the top of the tower. He's probably looking for his buddy

(I kill the second guard on the control tower)

Me: Down he goes.

Melony: Can you get your sights back on me? Come on, man.

(I locate Melony using my sniper rifle)

Me: I got you in my sights, so get a move on and plant that bomb on the gas tank.

(Melony begins to walk towards the gas tank)

Melony: I can't. There's someone coming out of that building. I can hear 'em at that far door.

Also Melony: Someone's coming out the far door, man.

(I kill the Van Buren gangster)

Melony: Shoot, the guy had a buddy in the building. He's coming out.

(The man sees his friends dead body)

Melony: He's seen it! Smoke him or he'll get the others!

(I kill the friend with Melony walking toward the gas tank)

Melony: Good kill, Collin.

(Melony reaches the gas tank)

Melony: I'm fitting it. Just keep a look out! And whatever you do, don't him the tank. Please, man.

(A biker arrives on a motorcycle)

Melony: Someone's coming. He's going to get me before I finish.

(I shoot the biker)

Melony: A bolt from the blue. Can you hear that? Chopper! Incoming!

Me: I've always hated choppers. Just fuckin' drive! You're bikers!

(I shoot the pilot)

Helicopter passenger: Oh shi...

(The passenger falls out of the spiralling helicopter)

Helicopter passenger: Shit!

(I climb down from my position on the water tower and drive toward the airstrip)

Melony: The pilot plan didn't work! They know they're being attacked.

(I arrive near the airstrip to help Melony)

Melony: There, in the hangar! The plane! I'll get it started, if you can clear the runway. I don't see none of the guys who came to your trailer here.

Me: One dead biker is as good to me as another.

(I walk close to the airstrip)

Me: I'm afraid I got to confiscate this weaponry!

(I kill some of the bikers)

Melony: I think I saw a man void his bowel

Me: Happens to the best of us, now start that plane.

(I Kill more bikers)

Me: Give up the guns and we can be friends again!

Melony: Shouldn't we go find the guys who came to the Cabin?

Me: No Melony We Go Home Now

At The Cabin:

Allie: There You Are Bitch

Me: I Think You Just Said Something To Your Self

Allie: :<

Reggie: Jupiters Asleep I Want Him Out Here

Randy: Just Let Him Sleep!

Reggie: We Have This Thing Called A “Alpha Call” So I’ll Get Him Up

Also Reggie: JUUPITERRRRRR! RISE!

Mr. Jupiter: (Wakes Up And Shits Himself) WHHHAAATTT?! OH SHIT I NEED TO GET OUTSIDE!

Also Mr. Jupiter: (Busts Open Door) HERE I COME!

Reggie: There’s My Boy!

Also Reggie: Anyways Let’s Sing A Song

Mr. Jupiter: Sure!

Reggie: I call this one, the campfire song song Let's gather 'round the campfire, and sing our campfire song

Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song And if you don't think that we can sing it faster then you're wrong

But it'll help if you just sing along

Mr. Jupiter: Bum Bum Bumm

Reggie: C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song And if you don't think that we can sing it faster then you're wrong But it'll help if you just sing along C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song

Also Reggie: Jupiter!

Mr. Jupiter: Song! C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E

Reggie: Randy!

Randy: (Stands There)

Reggie: Gooood!

Also Reggie: Everyone Let’s Go Inside And Sleep I’m Tired

In Heaven:

Axol: I’m Coming For That Motherfucker Let Me Out Of Heaven

God: Be Free!

The Next Day:

Reggie: Tord I’m Suprised You Have A Child

Tord: Pretty Fun Isn’t It

Axol: (Pulls In) HEY ANYONE WITH MY GIRL?!

Reggie: Don't do it, Axol, don't do it.

(The camera, now showing the exterior, shows Tord And Reggie Chasing after Axol to stop him confronting Me)

Axol: Collin! You been with my girl?

(Me, now outside, ignores Axol)

Axol: I'm speaking with you, asshole.

Reggie: Don't do it, Axol. I told him, Collin. I told him.

(Me, having ignored Axol, walks towards the road)

Axol: We all get high! But that don't make it right. Not what you've done with me.

Reggie: I'm telling you, Axol, leave it.

Axol: I ain't leaving nothin'. Collin! I'm talking to you, motherfucker.

(Axol runs toward Me who has stopped walking)

Me: Are you? What are you sayin'?

Axol: Taking my girl, man. It's wrong.

Me: Well, I got to Have someone. You want me to have you instead? Is that the problem here? Take off your pants, cowboy, alright? Lets, let's fuck.

Axol: You think this is funny?

Me: Get them off!

(Tord And Reggie walk over to Me and Axol)

Reggie: I told him to leave it, Collin. I told him. Leave it. Leave it.

Tord: He did. He did.

Me: Shut up, Tord. I'm about to Kill me a meth head, ain't I, cowboy? Get my boy sucked from his toothless gums.

Axol: Fuck you, Collin.

Me: You Can’t Say That In My World

Axol: I still love Melony.

Me: Alright, cowboy. Hey, I know. Hey, c'mon. Shh... hey...

Axol: I don't mean nothing by it, man. I just. I just...

Me: I know.

Axol: I messed up.

Me: I know, cowboy. It's okay, man. Gimme me a hug, yeah... shh...

(I grab Axol by the neck and throw him to the floor, I break a bottle over and begin stomping on Axols head. I continue to do so while angrily shouting at Axol)

Me: Fucking shit!!! Cunt! Cunt! Cunt! Cunt!

(I Call Battra Threatening Him He’s Next I move away from Axols body)

Me: Who the fuck are you speaking to? Who? Who? I'm talking to you, huh? You fuck! Huh?

Melony: Bro! You Can’t Leave His Body On The Ground Like That!

Tord: He’s Doing Us A Favor These Bastards Are Horrible Bro

Me: Next time, don't get in my fucking face. I just saw a fucking ghost, and I've got to hear your crap? Get up! Get up! Fuck you, then Axol.

(Me and Reggie walk away, Melony runs Back Inside To See Trevor and Tord walks toward Allie in an attempt to console her)

Allie: (crying) AXOL!

Reggie: Collin

Me: What?

Reggie: Get Your Son Give Him A Ak47 And Go To That Farm With Him I’ll Stop By Ankhas Before We Do That So I Can Get Bambi

(Me Tord And Reggie Who’s Carring Trevor begin walking toward My Sidebyside)

Me: The wheels are in motion. We got to reach out to the rest of 'em.

Me: Arghhhh. This music's all fucking wrong!

(I change to Melonys Playlist)

Me: That's what I'm looking for!

(I continue driving to the Mothra ranch and receives a phone call from Birddra)

Birddra: Collin Horne.

Me: Birddra Ischias, fuck. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!

Birddra: Collin... it's business.

Me: That wide eyed idiot was mine!

Birddra: It's business, fella. You wanna discuss it, we're at the farm. Mothra, Battra Cattra Doggra Godzilla, Ghidorah, Kong, Gigan- all of us.

Me: Start writing those names on tombstones Except For Mothra, 'cause I'm on the way to your lab, and we're going to see how much of a family meth business you got when I'm done! Arghh!

(I hang up)

Me: All! Of! You! Are! Going! To! Die! I’ll Take What You Took From Me!

Reggie: We’re Here! SON COME OUT

Bambi: (Comes Outside) What Dad?

Reggie: Listen Marcello Your Coming With Us To Fight These Stupid Bikers They Hurt My Father Real Bad

Bambi: Ok Father (Gets In)

Ankha: Hey! At Least Say Hi To Me!

Reggie: I’ll Call You Tonight Honey ily!

Ankha: ily Too Honey Have Fun!

Reggie: You Too Honey (Shuts Truck Door)

Me: So Bambi How Old Are You?

Bambi: turned 30 Last Week

Me: Ever Shot A Ak47?

Bambi: Yeah

Me: Train My Son To Shoot Ukrainians

Bambi: 10 4 Sir Hey Trevor Shoot That Trailer!

Trevor: Хорошо! (Shoots Trailer In The Window Shatters It And Kills The Ukrainian In It)

Bambi: Thats Good

Reggie: Learn Him To Speak English!

Bambi: Its Ok I Can Understand Him

Tord: (Snores Loud)

Me: Если ты не перестанешь храпеть, Торд, когда мы вернемся домой, я надеру тебе задницу ремнем!

Tord: (Wakes Up) Okay!

Me: Good Boy!

Bambi: Whos This Bitch?

Reggie: Tords Your Worst Nightmare Marcello

Bambi: It Seems Like It

Reggie: Tord. This ghost I saw. Her name is Bella Millers. Sounds like She’s living in Moscow. Find her.

Tord: Really? Uhh, my cousin's there, but... I don't...

Reggie: Find her, Tord

Tord: Does this mean I don't have to come see the bikers?

Me: We're in a hurry but not that much of a hurry.

Bambi: But, if we bury Axol in the desert, and then quiet down that bitch Allie tou was in then they don't need to find out about it.

Me: You think it's clever to disrespect women?

Bambi: Disrespect? What? I wasn't disrespecting. I was just saying we should kill her.

Me: You called her a bitch. Ain't you got a mother?

Bambi: Everyone got mothers. At least one.

(Me Trevor, Reggie Tord and Bambi approach The Birddra Club)

Bambi: We're going up to that farm on the right? That's where they're meant to be.

(Me Trevor, Reggie Bambi and Tord arrive at the farm)

Cattra: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Doggra: Hey, you seen Melony? Axols looking for her.

Me: Oh, you know as a matter of fact I just did, just ten minutes ago. Yeah, I saw her on the end of this penis here.

Cattra: Axol ain't gonna be cool if you messing with her.

Me: Oh really, what, you don't think so? Huh? Well why don't we just ask him then, huh?

(I lift My right foot off the ground, which still has part of Axols brain attached to it)

Me: Hey, hey cowboy, do you mind that I Got your old lady? Sorry, what was that? What? No, no? You don't mind? Oh, because you're a dead man, and the only sentient part of you left is this little bit of brain in the gristle on the end of my boot? Well, thank you very much, cowboy.

Cattra: Bullshit!

Me: Oh, I like it! Denial! That is the first part of the grieving process, brothers. Now let's all hold hands, huh? Well it looks like you got something you want to say, huh? You got something you need to say?

Doggra: This better be bullshit.

Me: Where you guys going, huh? Let's go ladies!

(Me Trevor Tord, Reggie and Bambi get into My Truck to give chase to Cattra, Doggra and their unnamed friend, who had already left with Tord sitting in the back)

Me: If that van takes us back to the camp, this area ain't gonna have a biker problem much longer.

(I follow the van and two motorcycles)

Me: We can't fuck with the van, but we can drop those bikers.

Bambi: Did you see the look on their faces?

Tord: We scared 'em, didn't we?

Me: Yeah. Thank fuck they didn't make you for the harmless idiots you are.

Tord: You need some seatbelts back here, or - or straps, or something

Me: I only keep things in the back I don't mind losing.

Tord: Oh.

(I continue to chase the bikers)

Reggie: Sharp left! Slow it down!

(I continue to chase the bikers)

Reggie: I can't see us takin' out all the bikers this go, boss. I mean, there'll be some by that airstrip, and some over you know... that...

Me: If not today, their time will soon be upon them.

(I continue To chase the bikers)

Bambi: If we go off the side on the left there, we should make it across.

(I continue to chase the bikers)

Tord: Do we know where they're going yet?

Me: I got a feeling, yeah, but we gotta make sure.

Bambi: One you know, you could drop me and Reggie at the trailer, maybe bring Chef to finish them...

Me: We do this now. Bambi! All of us!

Tord: Shouldn't these bikers be on bikes?

Reggie: I seen some too fat to ride. Can't get their big ol' gut over the handlebars.

Tord: But, if they're in a van, ain't they vanners?

(Me, still chasing the bikers gets close to Stab City)

Me: Where we going? Come on.

(Trevor shoots the van)

Reggie: Maybe you should hold off shooting the van. Trevor

Also Reggie: Hold off till we get there, right? The van won't get there if we shoot it too much.

(Trevor Shoots The Van)

Reggie: Are we still after 'em?

Me: Shut it.

(I kill the bikers)

Reggie: Down he fell! Verified Kill

Also Reggie: There's the other one.

Me: Okay. Now we follow the van back. Alrighty-roo. Now we just sit on this guy till he gets to them.

(The van begins to slow down)

Reggie: Oh look look, they're pulling up! You did it Collin. They're stopping.

(The bikers pull into Stab City and are followed by Me who stops just outside the hangout)

Me: Watch the entrance, boys. No one leave's without my express permission. Hold the perimeter, fuckwits. Daddy's going to work.

(I begin to kill the bikers at the hangout)

Me: Step right up. Step right up!

Also Me: I'm in a bad mood now, are you happy?

Also Also Me: Now, who have I left out?

Also Also Also Me: This is hard for me too. I've had to kill half the tweekers in the county.

Also Also Also Also  Me: Don't worry, there's plenty of me to go around.

Also Also Also Also Also Me: I'm wiping out my whole customer base.

(I kill enough bikers for the remaining bikers to run away)

Me: Where are you going? It was just getting exciting.

(I start heading back to My Truck)

Me: Can I get you two anything? Soda? Snacks? No? Get in the fucking truck. Thanks for all your help there, fellas. Now get back in the truck!

(I approache the Truck)

Me: Tord! What are you still doing here?

(Tord gets out of the Truck)

Tord: You said...

Me: I said, go find a fuckin' ghost In Moscow, alright? You looking for motivation? And get me some sticky bombs!

(Me and Reggie drive away Bambi Calls Ankha To Come Home as Tord begins the journey to Moscow)

Me: Battra lives near here. Let's go see him.

Reggie: It's one thing messing with tweeked-out bikers. But the Ras? Man.

Me: The Ras. It's just a name. Are They illuminate as well? Annunaki, huh? One of the Lizard people?

Reggie: I got this Chinese contact you can meet at the inn. He'll buy the all the meth we can cook.

Me: Our enterprise ain't just about meth. It's about guns too. The Ras control the guns, so we're taking 'em out.

(Me Trevor And Reggie arrive at Battras Trailer)

Me: Here he is. Let's wake him up.

Reggie: What? With the truck? No, come on. You run the whole county.

Me: Idc Reggie The Point Is I’m Getting my Business Back.

(I ram Battras trailer down the embankment toward the Zancudo River)

Me: Neeeee! Yah!

(I push Battras trailer into the Zancudo River)

Me: You wanna die? Is that it?!

(Battra And Mothra jump out of They’re trailer into the river while Me and Reggie get out of the Truck armed with a shotgun)

Battra: What the fuck, Collin?

Me: This is the fuck, my soggy friend. You are out of business. The Ras are out of business. The guns and the crank in this area go through Collin Horne Enterprise, or they ain't going.

Battra: Saying something don't make it true. Oh shit.

Me: You have been told!

Battra They goin' green light you after this.

Also Battra: I'll go away, man. But my people.

Also Also Battra: I always let you operate! I didn't have to!

Also Also Also Battra: The shot callers ain't going to be happy!

Also Also Also Also Battra: I thought you was crazy, man, not stupid!

Also Also Also Also Also Battra: The Ras is an international enterprise!

Also Also Also Also Also Also Battra: We was always cool!

Reggie: You sure you wanna do this? Think about it. I don't like the way he's looking at me. think he gets it. He's looking at me.

(I Kill Battra And Kidnapp Mothra)

Me: That feels better!

Reggie: I guess he don't run nothing no more... We can go now right?

Me: Let's go.

Reggie: Come on, C Let's go.

(Me And Reggie Shove Mothra And Her 100,936 Children In The Trunk And We begin driving back to The Cabin after killing Battra)

Reggie: Ughh... This is an unprecedented turn of events.

Me: I always said I took over.

Reggie: People say all kinds of stuff when they're three days into a smoking party.

Me: You calling me a bullshitter, friend?

Reggie: Clearly not. No way. You're a man of your word. As evidenced by said events.

Me: If I say something is going to happen, it's going to. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but as soon as the moment is opportune.

Reggie: Understood. Yes, sir.

Me: If I say, I'm fucking dead, then fucking dead I am. I'm not going to raise my balding head on a beach in ten years' time saying all is well.

Reggie: Is this about the ghost?

Me: Axol fucking Townley. Yes it is!

Reggie: You told me about him. And who was the other one?

Me: Harvey was the other one. He's looked up in a Federal penitentiary. When he finds out Axol survived

Reggie: Yeah. What do you think happened?

Me: If I knew what happened, I wouldn't be bemoaning these last ten Weeks I've spend in ignorance.

Reggie: Some say ignorance is bliss.

Me: For a man with an interest, some may say obsession, with the secret truth kept hidden behind historical events, that's a really weird thing to say.

Reggie: I was trying to console you.

Me: I don't need consolation. I need answers from that fat chump!

(Me Trevor and Reggie arrive at The Cabin)

Me: Get out of the car Reggo I need time to think. Urgh... Run!

In The Cabin:

(I walk into the Cabins living room)

Melony: Ho, hey! There you are.

Me: What's crackin'?

Melony: So, we all good?

Me: Hell yeah, we all good. We did it.

Melony: Yeah, you fuckin' A-right we did.

(Melony pours Me a drink)

Melony: So, here's the shot. Jupiters offloading the gems, he knows a guy who can get us fifty cents on the dollar. Hell, we might actually have a little spending money left after we pay off that psychotic Mexican motherfucker Harvey

(Melony goes to sit down with Me)

Melony: Cheers!

Me: so that's that, right?

Melony: I hope so.

Dave: The whole job.

(Dave walks into the living room)

Dave: Everything about it. Anyone who knows your file... What is wrong with you?

Me: Davey! Long time no see.

Dave: And what about Esther If that fruitcake realizes, no, no, finds out you're alive, you are D-O-N-E fucked!

Me: Don't worry about Esther’s She’s dead. Shes gotta be. Besides, I didn't have nothin' to do with it. Whatever the hell it is you're talkin' about.

Dave: Really?

(Dave picks up the television remote control and switches on the television to Russian News)

News reporter: the criminals are believed to have escaped with millions of dollars worth of Weaponry, precious stones and engagement rings

Me: Dave I Have Nothing To Do With This

News reporter: Albert Stalley had a lucky escape when the thieves ran straight into him.

Albert Stalley: Yeah, I was just doing my job, and I said this guy, hey, you gotta move these Planes

(I turn off the television)

Me: I don't know anything about that.

Dave: Fine Then I’ll Contact Reggie And We’ll Go Get Melony Those Cars

Melony: Thanks! (Smiles)

Me: Stay Careful Those Van Burens Are Livid!

Dave: SMOKE WEED EVERY DAY

Reggie: HELL YEAH!

Dave: Reggie Let’s Go!

Reggie: JUPITERRRRRRRR RISE!

Mr. Jupiter: 10 4 REGG

At The Place:

(Jupiter Dave and Reggie continue to walk towards Bertolt Beach House)

Mr. Jupiter: Man, get your stupid ass on. Damn! Why don't you ask Melony if She knows the fucking owner? Or better yet, do some sky writing that reads there's a couple of niggas here about to boost some cars in case somebody didn't realize.

Dave: See, what you don't realize, is that we ain't boosting. This shit is legit business.

Reggie: Legit? Oh yeah, I forgot, huh? 401Ks, tax returns and all. Yeah, right.

Dave: You the one all pumped up on doing this lick. I'm getting my money in the hood. I'm straight fool. I'm cool.

Mr. Jupiter: You cool? Cool what? Slinging dope and throwing up gang signs? Yeah, right.

Dave: Whatever, man.

(Dave Reggie and Jupiter arrive at Bertolt Beach House)

Dave: Yeah, homie, this the spidnot right here. That Bitch Melony wasn't bullshitting.

Reggie: Man, get your ass in there.

Dave: Bring your ass, fool, you're always trying to boss somebody. Come on. Come on. Shit, come on.

(Reggie Jupiter and Dave locate the cars up for Melony)

Dave: Damn, This nigga must got the baby dick.

Reggie: Yeah, and all this shit paid for with bad credit.

Mr. Jupiter: Whoohoo. Come to Daddy. Which one you want, Bro?

(Reggie gets into one of the cars up for repossession)

Dave: You always was an old choosy motherfucker. Aw, you ballin' hard with the drop top, huh?

Reggie: I might just be.

Dave: Whatever, it ain't gonna make you go no faster. Hit me on the speakerphone, I'm movin'!

(Dave And Jupiter drives away)

Reggie: Oh, it's like that?

(Reggie And Jupiter begins to follow Dave, phoning him)

Dave: Right up here, homie. I'm 'bout to go nice and slow for yo' bitch-ass.

Reggie: Yeah, that's cool. Eh, remember we got to be careful with these rides, homie. 'Cause Melony ain't about to dock my pay again.

Dave: Homie, man, if you need some bread, I could hook you up with Bandus tow truck. It ain't got glamor but there's money to be made.

Reggie: So him and Tristan can smoke crack in peace? Homie, I'm good.

Dave: Come on, .

Reggie: If you wanna chuck them thangs?

Mr. Jupiter: Damn, dog, how much we gettin' for these repos? I'ma be one reluctant motherfucker givin' this up.

Reggie: Man, there's enough bad credit going around, homie. It's like there's an endless supply in this fucked up ass country.

Mr. Jupiter: Right, homie.

Dave: Alright.

Also Dave: Up here, through the studio. Let's show these movie people how we do!

(Mr. Jupiter Reggie And Dave Drive through the film studio)

Actress: What the fuck?!

Mr. Jupiter: Oh, we filmin' shit here! Huh?

Dave: Remember this is Melonys car.

Reggie: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Dave: Eh, eh. Down this alley here.

Reggie: Uh huh.

(Jupiter falls behind Dave)

Dave: Keep up, homie!

Mr. Jupiter: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

(Reggie crashes into Dave For Fun)

Dave: Stop rubbing on me, man, it's creepin' me out!

(Dave Jupiter and Reggie drive back towards The Cabin)

Dave: This meant to be your shit.

Reggie: Please, homie. Get off the road

Dave: I'm thinking left.

Mr. Jupiter: Fine.

(Reggie Dave and Jupiter continue to drive towards The Cabin)

Dave: Left here.

Mr. Jupiter: Fine.

(Reggie Slighty damages the car In Shape Of A Middle Finger)

Dave: Keep bustin', loc!

Also Dave: I'll come at you from the shoulders, homie.

(Reggie Jupiter and Dave continue to drive towards The Cabin)

Mr. Jupiter : Whoo! You wanna get whips like this, you gotta stay on yo' gridnind.

Reggie: , and do some time over nickels and dimes? I'll stick to repos, dog.

(Reggie Jupiter And Dave continue to drive towards The Cabin)

Mr. Jupiter: Hey, dog, we'd be doing Melony a disservice if we didn't test these rides out.

Reggie: She ain't even gonna know if they good if we don't push them to the brink. You feel me? Keep up homie!

Dave: Whatever, homie.

(Reggie Mr. Jupiter and Dave continue to drive toward The Cabin')

Dave: We goin' right.

Reggie: Yeah. Whatever you say.

Dave: Left here. We going through the parking lot.

Mr. Jupiter: Shit. Cool homie.

Dave: You ain't even testin' me.

Reggie: Eh. Screw you too, homie.

Dave: I'm schoolin' yo' ass, boy!

Reggie: Night night!

(Reggie Mr. Jupiter and Dave drive towards the Makio Sono Bank)

Mr. Jupiter: We buzzing the Makio Place, motherfucker!

Dave: That super-bank? Motherfucker, you an idiot.

(Jupiter Reggie and Dave stop in the Banks car park)

Reggie: What you go and slow up the road for, dog? Move over so the traffic can flow through.

Dave: Whatever. I'll let something flow through your ass

Reggie: Dog, I ain't too sure that joke works, dog

Dave: Ahh, shit.

(A police siren is hear)

Dave: Oh shit, the one time!

Reggie: Be cool, fool, we got the paperwork.

Dave: Whatever, you explain That shit. I'll see you at the Cabin

Reggie: Fuck Off No Legs!

(Dave Reggie And Jupiter drives away while the police begin their search for Them. The three drive off in different directions, losing the police, and return to The Cabin)

At The Cabin:

Reggie: Thanks A lot Melon Head The Cars Are Outside (Lays On Coffee Table)

Melony: Thanks!

Me: (Calls The O’Neils) Hey Dipshit!

Elwood: What!

Me: Im Sending Tord To Your Farm And He Will Scope Out Your Place!

Elwood: i Don’t Think So

Me: THEN HE WILL KILL THEM SATISFIED NOW METH HEAD?!

Elwood: Bitchass Bullshit

Me: (Hangs Up) IM GONNA GET THEM

Tord: How?

Me: Me You Reggie And Jupiter Will Do It We Burn The Meth Lab Up Melony And Allie Will Repair It While We Raid The FBI

Tord: We Raid The FBI?!

Me: They’re Stupid Our Country Is Getting Worse As The Days Go On

Tord: Agreed!

(The camera shows the O'Neil and members of the family from different angles before settling on a group of four who are quickly joined by Elwood and another family member)

Elwood: I just spoke to that maniac Collin. He's coming. Get down to the meth lab to protect it.

Dan: Alright.

Elwood: I hope he don't get through these idiots, but... we know they're idiots. Come on.

(Mike And Donald run off)

Elwood: Come on, let's go see those Chinese fellas.

(Elwood Walton and Wynn, get into a car as the camera returns to Me)

Tord: Get In!

Reggie: Okay!

Mr. Jupiter: Do They Have Brothers?

Me: They got Them imbred freaks I don't know how I'm gonna to do it but I'll Get Tord To kill all of Them and Take They’re cook house.

Reggie: Okay!

At The Place:

Me: (Shoots Ned So Tord Can Get On The Farm)

Donald: Ned? Ned? Ned's dead! Shit! Gunfire! Ned's down! He's here!

(I Miss an O'Neil brother while shooting with the sniper rifle)

Donald: He's missed me!

(Tord is Spotted)

Donald: It's happening! Get out here! Fucking guard this fucking place!

(Tord is being shot at inside or outside the House.)

Tord: How about a merger you pricks It's over! You're all fucked! This don't look like a larger operation to me.

Me: Fucking O'Neils! I'm coming for you.

Tord: Let's see if we can't cut you down to size.

Me: Takeover time! You assholes! Get your own fuckin' business.

(When Tord is being shot at outside the House.)

Ernie: Well fuck me, if it ain't him Hey, fuck you. Go home! Fuck you!

Donald: Find him, or he'll kill us. Keep him away!

Earl: You stay out there, we'll stay in here!

(Tord enters the house being shot at.)

Micheal: You gonna be buried in this basement!

Donald: Get that motherfucker out the house!

Micheal: He ain't taking our crank! The motherfucker's in the house, boys! You motherfucker! You in our house now!

Also Micheal: Hey, back to your fucking Cabin!

Earl: Fuck Tord, man. Fuck him!

Micheal: Yeah, fuck you, dealer man! You get out this property! Keep him out the lab! You fucking weirdo, get gone!

Also Micheal: Crap! He's heading for the basement You ain't getting at the lab You gonna die in this cook house!

(Tord, having killed all the O'Neil brothers present, heads to the basement)

Dan: Don't let him down here!

(Tord starts going down to the basement)

Donald: Aww shit! He's down here!

Mike: Shit! He's in the lab!

(Tord reaches the bottom of the stairs)

Mike: Don't come any closer, alright? You win. You can have the contract. We ain't got the ambition, man.

(The O'Neil brother in the basement, Reaches for a gun)

Reggie And Mr. Jupiter: (Comes Down The Basement) Like That’s Gonna Work!

Mike: listen!

Mr. Jupiter: “Listen” Is Your Last Word! (Shoots Mike In The Chest)

Reggie: Now He’s Down We Go

Me: I Thought We Blow Up The Place!

Reggie: I’m Not Taking That House Just So You Can Fuck Melony In It

Me: Hell No! And Keep My Wife’s Name Out Yo Fuckin Mouth!

Reggie: Whore Houses Are Everywhere In This Fucked Up Country I’d Move Back To Moscow If I Could

Mr. Jupiter: Lets Go Back To The Motherland I’m Done With Alaska

Me: Lets Tell Melony I’m Not Doin This Without Tellin Her

Mr. Jupiter: Okay!

(Everyone Gets Back To The Cabin Allie And Tord Ran Off Again)

Me: Fuck

Tord: (Still Running) I HOPE YOU LIKE OUR CHILD!

Me: Goddammit Reggie I Want Another Child

Reggie: If You Want It I Will (Uses Powers) What Gender?

Me: Female Also Name Her Molly

Reggie: Okay!

Next Day:

Natsuki: (Knocks On Door) Hello? Why Did You Blow Up My House?

Reggie: Hello Come In

Natsuki: How Old Is Trevor?

Reggie: 8 Weeks So Far

Natsuki: Is Melony Pregnant Again?

Reggie: (Realizes That He Made Her Pregnant Again) Hmmmm No

Natsuki: You Did With Your Summoning Didnt You!

Reggie: Mhm

Natsuki: Im Taking Her To The Doctor AGAIN

Also Natsuki: MELONY COME HERE

Melony: Yes!

Natsuki: Come With Me!

Melony: Ok!

At The Doctor:

Doctor: The Symptoms Melony Has Is Increased urination a Missed period Tender swollen breasts And Fatigue Melony Is Pregnant Again

Natsuki: Is It Female?

Doctor: Yes!

Next Day:

Melony: Collin! Want To Watch My Favorite Cooking Show?

Me: (Gets Out Of Bathroom) Sure! (Walks Down Stairs) (Falls) AHHHHHHHH SHIT FUCKING COCK FUCK FUCK FUCK STUPID FUCKING STAIRS

Reggie: Jesus Fucking Christ U Okay?!

Me: Yes! (Gets On Couch And Watch’s TV With Melony)

Next 10 Minutes:

Melony: Like It?

Me: Yeah

Also Me: Alright So You Got The Chicken Breast- What In The World Is He Doing! He Just Slid His Finger (Gags)

OH MY GOD AM I A GYNECOLOGIST EXAM OR IS THIS A COOKING SHOW THAT LOOKS STRAIGHT UP LIKE A VAGINA RIGHT THERE LIKE HE JUST SEXUALLY ASSAULTED THAT CHICKEN!

Reggie: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT! WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING HOMIE

Me: Alright So He’s Putting In Some Flour And Egg Okay Bread Crums Okay Ham And Emmental Cheese Never Heard Of That They Dont Sell That At Walmart Alright Cut i- OH MY GOD COME ON YOU KNOW THAT LOOKS JUST LIKE A MEAT WALLET I DONT KNOW IF I WANT TO EAT THAT OR STICK MY PECKER IN IT

Melony: (Laughs So Hard)

Me: MY GOODNESS THAT IS A CREAM PIE SIR THAT RECIPE SHOULD BE CALLED CHICKEN CREAM PIE

Mr. Jupiter: OH MY GOD

Me: Oh No That Looks Like A Porno I Don’t Know If I’m On Food Network Or Pornhub Right Now Honey

Melony: God I Didn’t Expect That To Happen

Me: I KNOW WHEN HE PUTS THAT CHICKEN IN THE OVEN ITS GONNA COME OUT PREGNANT ALL THAT CREAM SAUSE IN THERE WENT LOOKING LIKE A FRESH VAGINA AND CAME OUT LIKE A 90 YEAR OLD VAGINA!

Also Me: I’m Done Today!

In Reggies Room:

Reggie: (Running Around In Fear) WHAT AM I GONNA DO IF THEY FIND OUT I DESTROYED THE ONEILS PLACE  THEY WILL PROBABLY SEND ME TO SIBERIA!

Mr. Jupiter: Oh God!

Reggie: IM FINDING BELLA BEFORE THIS HAPPENS

Mr. Jupiter: We Gotta Go!

Reggie: I Know! I’m Going To The Kitchen I’m Hungry

(Me And Melony Who’s In The Living Room Dosent Hear Reggie Walk Down The Stairs And Reggie Sees Something He Wasent Supposed To See)

Reggies Mind: Oh My God Are They Kissing?!

Reggie: (Picks Up Megaphone To Alert The House) SIMP! SIIIMMMPPPP! SIMP!

Also Reggie: (Wakes Up) WAS THAT A DREAM?!

Me: God Stop It You Woke Up The Entire House!

Reggie: Jesus!

Also Reggie: (Wakes Up Again) I HAD A DREAM ABOUT HAVING A DREAM?!

Me: Reggie You Dumb Fuck You Fell In The Mop Bucket!

Reggie: What?! OH GOD I HAVE A PARASITE I DRUNK THAT

Me: Are You Fucking Serious?! Get In The Sidebyside Let’s Go

Reggie: Okay!

Outside:

Reggie: Can Bella Come Up At Yo Crib?

Me: Man Fuck You

Reggie: Ah, don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful Stupid. Maybe if you got rid of that old yee-yee ass haircut you got you'd get some bitches off your dick. Oh, better yet, maybe Melony call your dog-ass if she ever stop flirting With that Axol Guy.

Me: Excuse Me?

Reggie: Here We Are Let’s Go

In The Mall:

Reggie: Hmm Is This Pharmacy Good?

Me: Nope! Go Into This One! (Walks Into Super Cowboy Hotdog Rocket Ship Russian Cleaners Number 1)

(Me And Reggie begin walking into the Pharmacy and sees Josef fighting another man)

Janet: Collin.

(The fight continues)

Janet: You're still banned.

Me: What about these two?

Janet: Whoever wins... gets banned.

(I Push Josef out the way and pushes the man head first into a wooden fixture before raising Josef's arm)

Me: He's won. Ban him.

Janet: I can't ban him, he's my Goddamn husband.

Me: He's young enough to be your son.

Janet: Ain't the internet a beautiful thing, honey?

Me: Anyway, I saved your husband. Get Reggie That Parasite Medicine I got a meeting.

Janet: Okay... but any more bodies turn up in my Pharmacy I swear, I will not serve you.

Me: Ok!

Janet: Anyways Reggie Are You On Any Medication?

Reggie: I Take Gaga Penteen For My Seizures

Janet: You Mean Gabapentin Right?

Reggie: Yeah

Janet: Anymore?

Reggie: I’ve Been On Rang A Dang For Heartburn

Janet: You Mean Ranitidine?

Reggie: Yeah!

Janet: Anymore?

Reggie: I Take A Metropolitan Every Day For My Blood Pressure

Janet: You Mean Metoprolol?

Reggie: Yes Sorry For Mispronouncing My Medications

Janet: It’s Fine I Deal With This 24-7 Anymore?

Reggie: I’m Taking The Metamorpin For My Diabetes

Janet: You Mean Metformin?

Reggie: Yeah I’m Russian We Pronounce Things Different Some Times

Janet: Okay Anymore?

Reggie: I Recently Got Off The Silly Clover For My Herpes

Janet: Acyclovir?

Reggie: Yeah!

Janet: Anymore?

Reggie: I Take Peanut Butter Balls For My Seizures

Janet: Same But Do You Mean Phenobarbital?

Reggie: Yeah!

Janet: Anymore?

Reggie: I Do Love Satan For My Cholesterol

Janet: Lovastatin?

Reggie: That One! Sorry Go The Names Mixed Up

Janet: Anymore?

Reggie: I Take Lisinoprom

Janet: Lisinopril?

Reggie: Yeah!

Janet: Anymore?

Reggie: This Morning I Had A Headache And Took A Sea Of Men I’m In

Janet: Acetaminophen?

Reggie: Yeah!

Janet: Anymore?

Reggie: I’m Taking Leave Thy Rocks In For My Thyroid

Janet: Levothyroxin?

Reggie: Yep!

Janet: Anymore?

Reggie: I Recently Started On Glide Met A Ride For Diabetes

Janet: Oh You Mean Glimepiride!

Reggie: Yeah!

Janet: Anymore?

Reggie: I Take Lies Within A Pearl For My Blood Pressure

Janet: Lisinopril?

Reggie: Yep!

Janet: Anymore?

Reggie: Nope

(Some Big Fat Nigger Takes The Last Parasite Medicine)

Me: Excuse Me?

Fat Man: HAHAHAHHTVK G JG VFNVH NGVNTBMGV

Reggie: (Climbs On The Niggers Head And Shits Out The Parasite) Fuck Off Chocky Milk!

Janet: NO BODIES IN MY PHARMACY!

Reggie: Okay!

At The Cabin:

Me: FINALLY WE HOME OMFG. THESE NIGGAS DRIVING ME CRAZY, IM SO GLAD TO BE HOME…

Reggie: i’m tired of shittin on black men

Randy: y’all want some tegridy weed?

Reggie: NO. I WANT TO SUCK THE DUST OUT OF YO MAMAS ASSHOLE UNTIL IT LOOKS LIKE BABY POWDER FLYIN ROUND DA ROOM WHILE WE SPROGGIN…IN MY ROMPER ROOM!!!

Allie: (pops head through car window) wtf y’all TALKING about….

Reggie: shut up homegirl ur the same height at Tila Tequila and u have twins big like Tia Tamera.

Allie: 📸

Tord: bruh i’m gonna start raw dogging it later

Reggie: OMG. STOP IT.

Me: ewwww

Tord: 😏

Allie: bruh i’m boutta NUT

Me: whatever guys just get some weed from Randy and meet me outside so we can smoke

Allie: why can’t we smoke inside the house LMAO?!?

Melony: because of trevor

Allie: aw shit u right nvm

Melony: you guys are more than welcome to smoke weed on the porch though! or in the yard or in the car. idrc

Me: thank you honey. RANDY!!!!

Randy: WHAT

Me: get me some tegridy

Tord: (picks allie up and runs to the porch) YEAAA LETS SMOKE WEED AND GET HIGHHH

Allie: MMMMM WEED

Reggie: don’t get too high be smart like me bozo

Allie: stfu LMAO i’ll get at high as i want to and then i’m gonna have hardcore SEX

Reggie: omfg. i didn’t need to know that you guys FUCK every time you get STONED!!!

Allie: idc fatso

(THREE HOURS LATER THEY’RE ALL BAKED ASF)

Allie: tord do you see that too???

Tord: what?!

Allie: that little indian doctor over there in his little hut!!

Tord: i think you’re too high and you need to go lay down

Allie: NO. RANDY PASS THE JOINT YOU FAT WHORE I WANNA SMOKE MORE POT!!!!?!?$:);$:

Randy: alr bet hoe (passes her the joint and falls off the porch trying to lean over because he’s so high) OW FUCK

Reggie: you fucking idiot what are you doing

Allie: (takes hit off of joint) AHHHH THAT FEELS AMAZING

Tord: the volume inside of our bedroom later finna be ASTRONOMICAL!!!!

Allie: shut up slut

Reggie: kms shut up sugartits before i pop a cap in your ass

Allie: zayum

Melony: i’m coming outside to see if everything is ok out here! did Randy fall off the porch??

Allie: yeah he fell off like a dumbass he’s totally shitfaced high right now lmao

Melony: alright!

8 Hours Later:

Melony: MY WATER IS BREAKING!!!!

Me: oh shit let’s go to the hospital now

Tord: i’ll start the car

Allie: (goes w tord)

Melony: IT HURTS MY CROTCH ACHES…

Me: (picks melony up and puts her in the car to go to the hospital) come on guys let’s go she needs to get there immediately before the baby comes out lol

(Everyone gets to the hospital as quick as they can and they’re lucky enough to get her in the emergency room before the baby actually comes out and before her water breaks too much. The baby comes out and Melony finally gives birth to the new baby and everything is finally calming down now.)

(Reggie And Jupiter Punches A Security Guard)

Security Guard: BARBECUE BACON BURGER!

Mr. Jupiter: (Reaches For His Goldfish Crackers) (Throws On Floor) SWIIMMMMM BITCHS!

Reggie: HELL YEAHHHH!

Doctor: ITS A GIR-

Reggie: I DIDNT CHOOSE THAT GENDER WTF!

Also Reggie: Anyways Collin Which Dwarf In Snow White Resembles Melony In Bed?!

Me: Dopey

Mr. Jupiter: HAAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

Me: Can We At Least Go Home?

Reggie: Have You Even Seen Your Daughter?

My Mind: Yes

Me: yes!

Reggie: Well Umm Lets Go Home I Guess

(Jupiter Who’s Still Strangling A Guard Picks Up A Pistol) REGGIE WE GOTTA GO

Me: I Have A Meeting With Chef Anyways

Melony: Who?

Me: That Nigger Who Sells Chocolate Balls I Have A Meeting With Him

Melony: Okay

Allie And Tord: We’re Staying

Reggie: OKAY!

(Tao Cheng's translator walks into the Emergency Room)

Tao Cheng's Translator: Mr. Horne

Me: Ah, here he is. Yes, Mr. Chengs Translator pleasure to meet You

(The camera turns to Tao Cheng stumbling into the Hospital Tord And Reggie look on)

Tao Cheng's Translator: Mr. Cheng now...

Tao Cheng: Man, I'm high as shit.

Tord: You all speak Spanish, speak it to each other!

Tao Cheng's Translator: Mr. Tao Cheng is... pleased to make your acquaintance.

Reggie: Oh yeah, he seems it.

Tao Cheng: You know what? It's fantastic to know you. If you've got time, you should add me to your Frameway Profile This is the best moment of my life!

(Tao walks to the juke box to select a song)

Melony: What the fuck is wrong with him?

Tao Cheng: I love this bit, I love this bit. Here we go!

(Tao begins to dance)

Melony: I'm out.

Tao Cheng's Translator: No. Don't go.

(Melony walks out of the Emergency Room)

Tao Cheng's Translator: Please. I beg you. If you go... his father kill me.

Melony: Why do I give a fuck?

Tao Cheng's Translator: You don't. But we hear that Balloon Boys Corporation is serious business. We pay good price. Things work out, we partner. Make big money.

(Tao Cheng walks out of the Waiting Room)

Tao Cheng: I'm rushing!

Me: Well... let me show you the operation.

(Me Tord Melony Allie Reggie Mr. Jupiter, Tao and his translator walk to My Truck)

Me: This is us.

(I drive Tao and his translator to Liquor Ace before receiving a phone call from Chef)

Me: Chef, we're just coming down to see the kitchen.

Chef: Well, you can't get here quick enough. Battras on his way with some friends. Says he's going to take us out of business. You can't get here quick enough. The Ras Are Coming

Me: Funny that. I told him the same thing 4 Days Ago They ain't mistaken.

Chef: Get here and you can settle it between you two.

Me: Wait A Second Chef

Chef: Well, get down here, and take them out too!

(I continue to drive to Liquor Ace)

Me: You sure your boss don't want this crank for his own personal consumption?

Tao Cheng's Translator: No. No. Mr. Cheng Sr. is very specific. He wants a good reliable source of methamphetamine. We will buy from you here, and distribute using established networks.

Me: I'm worried that might dilute what our operation's all about. We're part of the slow meth movement: bioregional, locavores only.

Tao Cheng's Translator: Mr. Cheng Sr. has much money.

Reggie: I wouldn't be the first man to throw morals out the window for a pay check.

Tao Cheng: What's he saying?

Tao Cheng's Translator: He says he looks forward to doing business with us.

(Me Melony Reggie Tord Allie Mr. Jupiter Tao and his translator arrive at Liquor Ace with Chef running out of the shop)

Chef: Shit, Collin, we ain't got long.

Me: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Manners, Chef. My Homies Are Here, alright? We got Mr. Cheng and his humble servant.

(Tao hugs Chef while his translator stares at Mr. Jupiter)

Mr. Jupiter: You Got A Fuckin Problem?

Tao Cheng: Alright, man.

Chef: Uh... nice to meet you. Collin we ain't got long till they get here.

Me: Everything in its time. Alright, gentlemen... please... come check out The storage facilities. Go on now.

(I Put Tao And His Translator In The Porn Closet)

Me: Okay! Let’s Go

Chef: Should we get the Guns?

Me: Yes, Chef.

Tao Cheng's Translator: Help, help me!

(Me and Chef, now inside the store, collect a gun from a rack at the top of the stairs)

Reggie: If I knew we were having visitors, I would have done a little spring cleaning. And Call Marcello (Calls Him) Bambi! Get Here

(Three vehicles carrying Ras arrive outside on the gas forecourt)

Chef: They really want you dead.

(Bambi Arrives)

Bambi: WHAT THE FUCK

(Reggie And Jupiter Punches A Security Guard)

Security Guard: BARBECUE BACON BURGER!

Mr. Jupiter: (Reaches For His Goldfish Crackers) (Throws On Floor) SWIIMMMMM BITCHS!

Reggie: HELL YEAHHHH!

Doctor: ITS A GIR-

Reggie: I DIDNT CHOOSE THAT GENDER WTF!

Also Reggie: Anyways Collin Which Dwarf In Snow White Resembles Melony In Bed?!

Me: Dopey

Mr. Jupiter: HAAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

Me: Can We At Least Go Home?

Reggie: Have You Even Seen Your Daughter?

My Mind: Yes

Me: yes!

Reggie: Well Umm Lets Go Home I Guess

(Jupiter Who’s Still Strangling A Guard Picks Up A Pistol) REGGIE WE GOTTA GO

Me: I Have A Meeting With Chef Anyways

Melony: Who?

Me: That Nigger Who Sells Chocolate Balls I Have A Meeting With Him

Melony: Okay

Allie And Tord: We’re Staying

Reggie: OKAY!

(Tao Cheng's translator walks into the Emergency Room)

Tao Cheng's Translator: Mr. Horne

Me: Ah, here he is. Yes, Mr. Chengs Translator pleasure to meet You

(The camera turns to Tao Cheng stumbling into the Hospital Tord And Reggie look on)

Tao Cheng's Translator: Mr. Cheng now...

Tao Cheng: Man, I'm high as shit.

Tord: You all speak Spanish, speak it to each other!

Tao Cheng's Translator: Mr. Tao Cheng is... pleased to make your acquaintance.

Reggie: Oh yeah, he seems it.

Tao Cheng: You know what? It's fantastic to know you. If you've got time, you should add me to your Frameway Profile This is the best moment of my life!

(Tao walks to the juke box to select a song)

Melony: What the fuck is wrong with him?

Tao Cheng: I love this bit, I love this bit. Here we go!

(Tao begins to dance)

Melony: I'm out.

Tao Cheng's Translator: No. Don't go.

(Melony walks out of the Emergency Room)

Tao Cheng's Translator: Please. I beg you. If you go... his father kill me.

Melony: Why do I give a fuck?

Tao Cheng's Translator: You don't. But we hear that Balloon Boys Corporation is serious business. We pay good price. Things work out, we partner. Make big money.

(Tao Cheng walks out of the Waiting Room)

Tao Cheng: I'm rushing!

Me: Well... let me show you the operation.

(Me Tord Melony Allie Reggie Mr. Jupiter, Tao and his translator walk to My Truck)

Me: This is us.

(I drive Tao and his translator to Liquor Ace before receiving a phone call from Chef)

Me: Chef, we're just coming down to see the kitchen.

Chef: Well, you can't get here quick enough. Battras on his way with some friends. Says he's going to take us out of business. You can't get here quick enough. The Ras Are Coming

Me: Funny that. I told him the same thing 4 Days Ago They ain't mistaken.

Chef: Get here and you can settle it between you two.

Me: Wait A Second Chef

Chef: Well, get down here, and take them out too!

(I continue to drive to Liquor Ace)

Me: You sure your boss don't want this crank for his own personal consumption?

Tao Cheng's Translator: No. No. Mr. Cheng Sr. is very specific. He wants a good reliable source of methamphetamine. We will buy from you here, and distribute using established networks.

Me: I'm worried that might dilute what our operation's all about. We're part of the slow meth movement: bioregional, locavores only.

Tao Cheng's Translator: Mr. Cheng Sr. has much money.

Reggie: I wouldn't be the first man to throw morals out the window for a pay check.

Tao Cheng: What's he saying?

Tao Cheng's Translator: He says he looks forward to doing business with us.

(Me Melony Reggie Tord Allie Mr. Jupiter Tao and his translator arrive at Liquor Ace with Chef running out of the shop)

Chef: Shit, Collin, we ain't got long.

Me: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Manners, Chef. My Homies Are Here, alright? We got Mr. Cheng and his humble servant.

(Tao hugs Chef while his translator stares at Mr. Jupiter)

Mr. Jupiter: You Got A Fuckin Problem?

Tao Cheng: Alright, man.

Chef: Uh... nice to meet you. Collin we ain't got long till they get here.

Me: Everything in its time. Alright, gentlemen... please... come check out The storage facilities. Go on now.

(I Put Tao And His Translator In The Porn Closet)

Me: Okay! Let’s Go

Chef: Should we get the Guns?

Me: Yes, Chef.

Tao Cheng's Translator: Help, help me!

(Me and Chef, now inside the store, collect a gun from a rack at the top of the stairs)

Reggie: If I knew we were having visitors, I would have done a little spring cleaning. And Call Marcello (Calls Him) Bambi! Get Here

(Three vehicles carrying Ras arrive outside on the gas forecourt)

Chef: They really want you dead.

(Bambi Arrives)

Bambi: WHAT THE FUCK

(Me and Chef begin killing some of the Ras)

Me: I think it's time for the Ras to die out!

Bambi: DAD YOUR EXPECTING ME TO STAND OUT HERE?!

Reggie: We ain't got all of 'em yet Marcello.

(Me and Chef continue to kill the Ras)

Bambi: I'm entertaining clients!

(Me and Chef kill the attacking Ras)

Battra: (Sees Bambi) There! There! Through the gate!

Chef: We gotta do something. They're through the gate!

(Me and Chef go outside on to the first floor roof)

Chef: Look out - on the left side!

(Bambi kills Some Ras)

Bambi: They got to have the whole crew here!

Reggie: They Don’t Fucking Know How To Mess With A God Don’t They?!

(Me and Chef start to kill the attacking Ras)

Me: Woo! I'm starting to think they really want to kill me!

(Reggie Walks Out To Help Bambi kill the attacking Ras)

Bambi: Whoo ah! Where's the rest of 'em, eh?

Chef: They've got behind us! The back of the building!

Me: Where?

Chef: They're round the back of the building.

(Me and Chef go through the building to another part of the roof)

Chef: Get in cover!

(Me and Chef begin shooting the Ras)

Me: Now, I really am gonna put you outta business!

(Bambi and Reggie Kill more Ras)

Bambi: Out you cocksuckers!

(Me  and Chef kill more Ras)

Reggie: This is a place of business.

(Me and Chef continue to kill the Ras)

Chef: Another car!

(Bambi and Reggie continue to kill the Ras)

Me: This what you came for?

(Me and Chef continue to kill the Ras)

Chef: You should have been more persuasive when you told 'em to go.

(Me and Chef continue to kill the Ras)

Me: Get off my property!!

(Me and Chef kill all the Ras)

Chef: I think they're coming through the shop let's get to the front!

Me: Wait Say That Again

Chef: We need to get to the front of the shop come on!

Me: Did you just try to tell me what to do? I'll go wherever the fuck I please.

Chef: Let's move it. Downstairs. Come on.

(Me and Chef go downstairs into the store)

Chef: They're coming in the door get down

Me: Sorry My Hearing Is Bad Say That Again!

Chef: Get down, they're coming through the door!

Also Chef: It's Battra!

Birddra: That fuckin' puto shot Battra cold, ese.

(Me and Chef start to kill the Ras)

Battra: Collin! It's me! Battra! You alive you punk?

 Cattra: Hey, here he is!

Me: You've gone and made this personal!

(Me and Chef kill more Ras)

Me: The Ras are as bad as the Suicide Squad!

(Me and Chef kill all but the last two remaining Ras)

Chef: We got them on the back foot! Come on! They know they're beat! Let's push 'em off!

(Me and Chef attempt to kill the two escaping Ras gangsters)

Me: Get back inside, and clean up the lab! I should check on the Chinese delegation, they might be catching a chill.

(I begin to walk to the Porn Closet)

Me: Y'alright, time to recommence the tour, gentlemen.

(Tao Cheng bursts out The Closet)

Tao Cheng: (laughs) Wooohoooo.

(Tao attempts to warm up while the translator also gets out the Freezing Porn Closet and Chef begins walking over to Melony)

Tao Cheng's Translator: I think we have seen quite enough. It's time to go!

Tao Cheng: But we haven't even hit the main room!

Me: I'll swing by and sign the contracts, alright? Just ignore the bodies.

(Tao Cheng's Translator hails a car to stop)

Chef: Hey, Collin!

(The camera cuts to Chef, now in a second floor room looking out the window at Me)

Chef: Are we still gonna cook that batch?

Me: Fuck Yeah! (Drives Away)

(Me Driving The Truck Goes To The Movie Theater)

Me: Reggie If Anything Happens Your Free To Piss On Me

Reggie: k

Melony: EWWW!

Mr. Jupiter: Guys I Am Kinda Nervous

Me: Shut up Your Always Nervous

1 Hour Later:

(Me Who’s Minding My Own Business Get Slapped By Ruv)

Me: WTF WAS THAT FOR!

Ruv: Aw

(Ruv pounces and grabs Me and We roll. When We get up, I Punch him. Ruvs nose bleeds. I growl at him.)

Me: Huh?

(I start punching Ruv With Arm Telekinesis and he punches back. We continue punching each others' face, then I tackle him and Throw Him Outside I Punch him down, making Ruv pull down his pants. Ruv pulls them back up and trips, then kicks Me in the face. We again punch each other, then I strangle Ruv I smack Ruv and

I push Him Away to let go. He coughs.)

Ruv: Ow! What the hell? That really hurts!

Me: No, it doesn't! I do it to Melony all the time.

Ruv: You strangle your Wife? That's insane! No wonder She’s stupid and masturbates all the time.

Me: That's your Wife!

(I yell, then head-gut-punch Ruv. We resume punching. I punch Ruv hard, making him topple into a bunch of kids. The school bus arrives, hitting Sherri and Terri. Otto opens the bus' door, then I get up and Ruv punches Me making Me bump Otto out of the bus. I kick Ruv in the face, making him fall out of the bus. He gets up and I trap his head in the door. I Step on the gas petal and drive I Turn the bus into downtown. I ram Ruvs body into some buildings. Then I get back on the road and ram Ruv into some cars. I ram him into a tree, making his head come off of the door.)

Me: Phew!

(Ruv returns on the roof. then He kicks through the window. I punch and strangle Him with My arm.)

Ruv: Hey, knock it off! There's a kid back there!

Stan: Haha, I'm in danger!

(The bus turns, flinging Stan out. We once again punch each other. The bus heads for the Kaiju Collection Organizations Headquarters. I drive through the security gate, as well as the tire spikes popping the tires. The bus swerves, then rolls while I’m still fighting Ruv. It stops rolling and crashes inside. After it stops moving, I kick Ruv out of the bus and We continue punching each other. I then Headbut Ruv into Sector 7-G. I Bite His Arm We punch each other, then Ruv attempts to kick Me, but I grab his leg and throw him into My work station. We punch each other, then I hit Ruv down to the floor. I crawl to a cabinet, holding lots of Jaeger awards. I throw them at Ruv.)

Ruv: Hey, that's no fair, I don't got none of them!

(I throw another, but Ruv dodges it. It lands into a control room, then explodes. An alarm sounds. A sign saying "Meltdown" lights up.)

Ruv: Uh-oh.

Me: HAH LOOK AT THE CHICKEN

(The musk of radiation turns Us into swapped looks of Ourselves then changes Us back. Two explosions make Us bump into each other. Then, the floor breaks and We fall three floors down to the reactor of toxic waste. The splash hits an employee in a radiation suit, making him fall. I rise and levitate in the air. My skin regenerates, as well as My eyes and Clothes.)

Me: Heh I’m Immune To Anything

(I Punch Ruv into the sky. Then, his body regenerates and he gets Arm Telekinesis Upgrades as well. He flies up. Ruv stops and sees Me charging at him. He does the same. We both crash into each other making a fireball. It disintegrates some of the townspeople and also not just disintegrates them, but also just their clothes. We punch each other once more. Then, We hold out Our fists and We Hit each other, sending Us soaring off in different directions. I go through the Pornhub Headquarters, through a building and a sign. Ruv, crashes through the Duff Stadium jumbotron, the Ichy and Scratchy studio and a random buliding.)

Ruv: Damn it!

(He last crashes into the Sarv studio. Inside, he's landed into a cannon on the set of Sarventes show.)

Sarvente: And remember, kids, TV violence is fine as long as you don't show a nipple.

(She guffaws and fires the cannon. Ruv Gets shot sky high. He holds his arm up and makes a fist, as he's soaring towards Me. He screams and gets hit. We once again punch each other. Butters and Cartman See Us on their monitor.)

Cartman: Perfect. The Gods are destroying themselves.

Kyle: Yeah, it's really great, isn't it, guys? We went to summer camp together.

(They crash into their UFO and Cartman Butters And Kyle are sucked out.)

Kyle: Bye! Thanks for having me.

(We are still punching, until I loose My powers. I plummet then grab onto a ledge. Ruv lowers down.)

Ruv: It appears that I am now the only one with radioactive powers, which will allow me to unleash my fury...! (He looses his, too.) Oh, I talked too long.

(I hold onto Ruv And Kick Him Away and the UFO falls down to Earth. It enters Earth's atmosphere and heads for Moscow. We once again punch faces, then turn Our heads and see St. Basils Cathedral. Ruv screams then I Punch Him, then repeat the same two things and ends with Ruv Puking. The UFO rolls down and jumps the Cathedral. it soars almost over the Place.)

Ruv: We're gonna make it!

Me: Trust me, we're not.

(The ship plummets and crashes and both of Us fall out.)

Ruv: Whoa!

(We hit the side of the pit, and fight while falling, then hit the ground. We get up, then a giant rock lands from above Us, but Ruv jumps out of the way. Both of Us try to peek at what side they're at, then I go around, then kick him by surprise to the ground. I kick Ruv and punch him, then Ruv gets up and charges at Me with a fist up, but Accidentally Hits Putin I dodge his hit and hits him with wood.)

Me: Whoo-hoo!

(Ruv kicks Me out of view)

Me: Texas Roadhouse.

(I spit and gets up, then growls. We circle each other, then closes ups start with Me then Ruv. Then Me, then Ruv, then Me, then Ruv, then Me, then Ruv, then Me, then Ruv, then Me, then Ruv, then Me, then Ruv, then Me, then Ruv, then Me, then Ruv. Makes a face. I furiously growl. I charge to Ruv. In slow motion, We punch each other and then fall to the ground. I then get up and slam a rock down on Ruvs Head Cracking His Skull making him exclaim in pain. I pick up a piece of the remains of the UFO, that's spear-like. Then use it to Stab Ruvs face. I put My Foot on his right arm And Hold it up to stab. Struggling to brake loose, Ruv screams, then I Bite his testicles, making Ruv scream. He falls to the ground with foam coming out of his mouth. I then get up and pick up a heavy rock. Ruv becomes conscious and wakes up seeing Me, who's about to crush him with the rock.)

Ruv: Say hi to Trevor Henderson.

(He sees the UFO about to fall.)

Me: No! You say hi to Britney Spears.

Ruv: Who?

(I get out of the way and the UFO crashes on Ruv Defeating Him. I then see Reggie Walking Up To Me With My Daughter In His Hands Ruv Gets Up And Leaves, as the sunsets. Molly then opens her eyes and scowls. She crawls out of Reggies Hands And Walks To Me then stops.)

Me: Is Melony Here?

Putin: no

Me: Okay Adolf Putin

Putin: It’s “Vladimir Putin”

Me: (Sticks Up Middle Finger) Fuck You And Your Ukraine War

Putin: Can I Join The Order?

Me: FUCK NO TAKE UKRAINE BEFORE THIS SHIT

Putin: Okay (Walks Off)

Reggie: Let’s Go Home I Need To Celebrate Pussy Day

Me: What’s Pussy Day?

Reggie: The Day Where Everyone Paints Dildos Then Takes Them To The Museum

Me: Don’t Do That! My Dildo Drawer Is For Myself!

Reggie: Fine Let’s Get Home Anyways Trevor Is Going To Fight Afghans

Me: (Picks AK47 Out Of Pocket) Afghans?

Reggie: Stupid Fuckin Afghan Chinese And Ukrainian Kids

Me: (Picks Stunner Gunner 3000000000000 Out Of Pocket) Don’t Make Me Do This

Reggie: He’s Your Son Not Mine

Me: You Summoned Him!

Reggie: And Melony Gave Birth To Him

Me: Lets Fucking Get Home

Reggie: Yeah We Should

On The Way:

Reggie: I’m Buying A Apartment I’m Not Driving To Alaska

Me: Ok (Calls Melony) We’re Buying A Russian Apartment Honey Is Randy Still On The Ground?

Melony: I’m Getting Him Trevor Just Killed 5 Afghan Chinese And Ukrainian Kids

Me: Tell Him Daddy’s Proud Anyways Get The Fuck Over Here!

Melony: On The Way Contact You Later

Me: Bye

Melony: Bye (Hangs Up)

Me: Reggie Is Bella Living Here?

Reggie: Said To Be She Works At A Apartment Complex When I Contacted Her Husband Ralph Last Year

Me: Okay

At The Apartment Building:

Melony: There You Are!

Me: I Arrived First!

Melony: I’ll Beat You Someday

Me: Maybe

Reggie: Tords Stuck Getting Out Of The Car Lol!

Tord: HELP ME WHORES!

Me: How Did You Know I Slept With A Lot Of Girls!

Melony: You What!

Me: Before You Honey I Would Never Do That!

(Melony Smiles Allie Pushes Tord Out And Randy Falls Off The Car)

Randy: OW

(Reggie Walks Inside The Building While Me And Melony Discuss Somethin Outside)

Reggie: Mam?

Bella: Yes?

Reggie: WAIT THATS YOU RIGHT?!

Bella: Reggie? I Thought Satin Killed You!

Reggie: SAME

Bella: Anyways Want To Buy A Apartment?

Reggie: Didn’t I Walk In Here For That

Bella: Yes Unless You Want To Speak To Ralph

Reggie: I Would Like To

Bella: Okay RALPH GET IN HERE

Ralph: Oh Hey Regg How Have You Been?!

Reggie: Good My Father Has 2 Children Bambi Turned 30 And I Got A World Record For Eating The Most Shotguns

Ralph: Nice!

(Me And Melony Walk In The Building Ralph Try’s To Ignore Melony But He Cant)

Ralph’s Mind: OHH MY LANDS THAT WOMEN IS PERFECT

Reggie: So Bella TAKE ME TO THAT APARTMENT NOW

Bella: Fine Anyone Else?

(Tord Busts In With Allie In His Arms)

Bella: Oh God

(Randy Busts In And Falls)

Bella: Are You The Only One Here Who’s Polite?

Melony: Yes

Bella: Ok

Different Me: I NEED TO CONTACT MY BROTHER-IN-LAW (Shoots Lazer To The Reggiesworld Universe)

Back To The Reggiesworld Universe:

Me: (Wakes Up) OWW MY FUCKING EYES THEIR IN PAIN!

Reggie: MINE TOO OH MY GOD!

Tord: ALLIE HELP ME MY EYES!

Asirel: (Climbs In) OLA MEGO- OWW MY FUCKING EYES!

Me: OWWW MY FUCKING EYES!

Melony: Someone Tell Me Wtf Is Going On

Tord: ANYONE HELP ME!

Reggie: IT BURNS!

Asirel: (Falls Out Of The Window) AHHHHHHHH (Hits Ground) OW FUCK

Reggie: JUPITER HELP ME!

Mr. Jupiter: I JUST ENTERED BRO!

Dave: (Polity Knocks On Door) Hello?

Bambi: (Calls Reggie) Hey Dad Um Vietnams Planning To Fight Us

Reggie: Vietnam? Like Back In The 70s 60s And 50s?

Bambi: No Right Now

Reggie: WHAT?!

Bambi: We Gotta Plan For The War

Reggie: OH GOD (Hangs Up)

Me: What’s Wrong?

Reggie: VIETNAMS PLANNING TO INVADE US!

Me: We’re In Russia They’ll Protect Us

Reggie: Okay Your Right

In The Backrooms:

Partypooper: the artist lives in me the artist dies in me=(

Partygoer: Won't you stay for the afterparty? =)

Partypooper: Burn my fucking body=(

Follower Of Jerry: The bluebird beckons you, soothes you. You'll feel safe here.

Partygoer: Black queen to h5, and thaaaaat's checkmate! =)

Partypooper: 𝐖𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐲 𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐰𝐬 𝐧𝐞𝐚𝐫=(

Back To Reality:

Melony: BREAKFAST TIME

Reggie: It’s 5am

Melony: I DONT CARE

(Ralph Opens The Door)

Ralph: Mr. Horne

Me: Ayy Man! Wanna Play 8 Ball?

Ralph: Sure!

6 Minutes Later:

Reggie: That’s A Lotta Waffles

Me: You Ate All The Waffles?

Melony: Yes I Did!

Me: You Could Have Asked Us If We Wanted Any!

Ralph: Yeah!

Melony: No If I Give You All The Waffles I Don’t Get Any!

Reggie: Collin Would You Like A Waffle?

Me: Yes Reggie I Would Like 2 Waffles

Melony: THERE IS NO MORE WAFFLES I HAVE THEM ALL

Reggie: I Know Melony It’s A Example

Melony: AND YOU WANT TWO OF THEM?!

Reggie: So If Collin Gets 2 Waffles And I Get 2 Waffles That Still Gives You 8 Waffles Left

Melony: I DONT WANT 8 WAFFLES I WANT 12!

Me: Honey If You Can Seriously Eat All Those Waffles I Will Take You To The Store To Get More

Melony: I Just Wanna Know Why You Guys Get All The Waffles

Me: You Still Have More Waffles Than Me And Reggie Combined

Melony: Their Mine! I Got Them From The Freezer And Put ‘Em On My Plate!

Ralph: Anyways Your Son Is Masterbating Right Now

Me: WHAT?!

Reggie: OHHHHHH Wait What Does Masterbate Mean?

Mr. Jupiter: IT MEANS PLAYING WITH YOUR DIC- (Gets Slapped)

Reggie: Woah!

Mr. Jupiter: OW FUCK

Randy: Y’all Want Some Tegridy Weed?

Me: Randy You May Think Your Stupid But At Least Your Not One Of The People Who Got cryogenically frozen in my basement

Allie: Say Whaaaat?!

Me: Those Idiots Won’t Wake Up Into The Next Millennium!

(Everyone Awkwardly Stares At Collin)

Melony: Who In The World Got cryogenically frozen in Your basement?

Me: Autumn Harve-

Ralph: NATSUKIS BOYFRIEND GOT CRYOGENICALLY FROZEN IN YOUR BASEMENT?!

Me: Shut Up Anyways Autumn Harvey 5 Backrooms Partygoers Stan’s Sister Machine Gun Kelly And Allies Vagina

Melony: YOU CUT OFF YOUR SISTERS VAGINA?

Me: It Bled Too Much I Didn’t Want To Clean Anymore

Reggie: YO AUNTIE IS THAT TRUE?

Allie: Stfu

(Bambi Busts In With Dave The Two Cleary Are Scared As Hell)

Bambi: ST.PETERSBURG GOT BOMBED

Reggie: NOOO!

Dave: AND BANDU GOT RAPED AGAIN!

Reggie: NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

(A Vietnamese Helicopter Flys Over The Building)

Me: Bombs Away (Cuts Arm And Throws Blood At The Helicopter)

Reggie: Is That Gonna Work!

(The Helicopter Falls And Crashes Into The Glitch Productions Palace)

Reggie: Never Mind

Dave: Anyways This War Is Going On In Yellowstone We Have To Go

Reggie: We’re In Russia!

Dave: 😐

Bambi: Reggie! Are You Okay!

Reggie: I Didn’t Even See The Helicopter!

(FBI Breaks In)

Me: Goddammit

Melony: What Did We Do?

FBI Agent: Nothing (Picks Up Melony And Runs Away) LALALALA

Reggie: NNO- (Gets Grabbed By FBI Agent) FUCK OFF

(The FBI Takes Everyone Away For No Reason And Now We Are In Jail)

Mr. Jupiter: Im Escaping

Reggie: No

Me: Yes

Melony: No

Randy: Yes

Ralph: Yes

Mr. Jupiter: This Is Fucking Stupid

Reggie: We’re Furrys I Can Understand We Live In The Wild

Mr. Jupiter: Um We Live In Russia

Dave: Can We Get Out?

Me: Imma Finna Kill 5 Kids And Rape 5 Russian Women

(Melony Breaks My Cell Wall And Smacks The Shit Out Of Me)

Me: I Thought I Told You I Was A Slut!

Melony: Ohh Yeah Your Right (Walks Back In Her Cell)

Bambi: Oh You Just Break Walls Huh? (Breakdown Open Daves Cell Wall) Tada!

Me: Fuck You (Breaks Reggie Cell Wall)

Reggie: Hmm Okay (Breaks Jupiters Cell Wall)

(Everyone Talks Shit Then Randy Somehow Breaks Out)

Randy: Im Free!

Reggie: You Shouldn’t Have Done That!

Randy: Shut Up Let Me Smoke Tegridy

Me: Stop It!

(Randy Runs Away Reggie Chases Him And Melony Chats With Allie)

Melony: This Is Peaceful Without Those Idiots Isn’t It?

Tord: Don’t Act Like I’m Not Here

Me: With All Due Respect Bro Please Shut Up

Tord: MEANIE!

(Jupiter Breaks Out Of His Cell) Hello!

Me: You Dumbass

Mr. Jupiter: Callin Me Dumb? Let Me Show You How Its Done

Me: Go Ahead

Mr. Jupiter: Now Look Who Creeping Look Who Crawling Still Balling In The Mix It's That Six Six Long Dick Slim Nigga Sticking Your Chick Pullin Tricks Looking Slick At All Times When I'm Flipping Bar Sipping Car Dipping Grand Wood Grain Gripping Still Tippin' On Four Fours Wrapped In Four Voes Pimping Four Hoes And I'm Packing Four Voes Blowing On The Endo Game Cube Nintendo Five Percent Tint So You Can't See Up In My Window These Niggaz Don't Understand Me Cuz I'm Boss Hogg On Candy Top Down At Maxi's Wit A Big Glock Nine Handy Pieced Up Creased Up Staying Dressed To Impress Big Boss Belt Buckle Under My Mitchell And Ness Oh, Gucci Shades Up On My Braids When I Escalade When I'm Riding Sprewells Sliding Like A Escapade I Got It Made The Big Boss Of The North Ain't Shit Changed I Still Represent Reggie’s Life Ha!

Reggie: Big thangs Big bitch watch big diamond rangs My niggaz up in da club be offthe chain They up front wid the niggaz take off ya chain Are 'til the hollow tips hit the frame We can brawl or run for ya life man Got a little candy paint a little wheel chrome Lil' wood grain a nigga money loan I call shots

Mr. Jupiter: whoo!

Reggie: bitch never call me Regg The fuck I want in yo' hood We just slip by real slow I ain't shootin' but I can on the wheel though We just slip by real slow I ain't shootin' but I can on the wheel though

Melony: (Whispers) DO SOMETHING!

Me: But If I came out ya mouth With an AK shells goin' straight. thorugh ya house (Shoots But Misses Reggie) Raise the hell 'til ya whole block clean Hit 'em all up BOW BOW! then we out Fuck where you from, nigga fuck what you 'bout We can get it poppin' might start droppin' Fans start watching niggaz start Talkin' Death is knnockin' at yo' front door

Melony: (Tries To Stop Rap Battle) WHOO!

Me: Say Ya don't want war Talk when ya want we'll meet yo' coffin It ain't gon' stop any glock get it poppin' Bitch, niggaz keeps runnin', screamin' and hollerin' wanna see what it's like when you get shot Wanna get jacked wit' a iced out watch My tour bus filled up with guns I ain't tryna go out like Big and Pun (Blows Up Prison Wall)

Tom: (Literally Teleports Out Of Nowhere) Four Fours I'm Tippin' Wood Grain I'm Gripping Catch Me Lane Switching With The Paint Dripping Turn Your Neck And Your Dame Missing Me And Regg We Ain't Tripping I'm Finger Flipping And Syrup Sipping

Like Do Or Die I'm Pour Pimping Car Stop Rims Keep Spinning I'm Flipping Drop With Indvisible Tops Hoes Bop When My Drop Step Out I'm Shaking The Block With Four Eighteens' Candy Green With Eleven Screens My Gasoline Always Supreme Got Do-Do The Brown With A Pint Of Lean It Takes Grinding To Be A King It Takes Grinding To Be A King First Round Draft Picks Coming Slab Shining With The Grill And Woman Slab Shining With The Grill And Woman I'm Tom The One And Only You Can't Clone Me Got A Lot A Haters And A Lot Of Homies Some Friends And Some Phony Back Then Hoes Didn't Want Me Now I'm Hot Hoes All On Me Back Then Hoes Didn't Want Me Now I'm Hot Hoes All On Me Back Then Hoes Didn't Want Me Now I'm Hot Hoes All On Me I Said! Back Then Hoes Didn't Want Me Now I'm Hot Hoes All On Me

Bambi: What It Do It's Bambi Bro I'm The People's Champ My Chain Light Up Like A Lamp Cuz Now I'm Back With The Camp I'm Crawling Similar To A Ant Cuz I'm Low To The Earth People's Feelings Get Hurt When They Figure Out What I'm Worth I Got Eighty Fours Poking Out At The Club I'm Showing Out I'm A Player Ain't No Doubt Hoes Want To Know What I'm Bout Biggest Diamonds Off In My Mouth Princess Cuts All In My Chain Wood Grain All In My Range Dripping Stains When I Switch Lanes Switched The Name It's Still The Same Swisha House Or Swisha Blast Collin Running The Game And Magnificent Bout His Cash Reggie He Made Me Hot Hard Work Took Me To The Top Mr. J Took Me To The Lot He Wrote A Check And Bought A Drop I Got The Internet Going Nuts But R. Got My Back So Now I'm Holding My Nuts It's Marcello Baby What You Know Bout Me I'm On That Five Nine Southlee Baby Holla At Me.

Reggie: Eminem Has Been Real Quiet Since I Did This

Me: Rapping In Prison Ain’t Gonna Save Your Live

Reggie: Really? Show Me Your Singing Skills!

Melony: Yeah! Bring The Shit On!

Me: (Clears Throat) Fine

Also Me: summa-lumma, dooma-lumma, you assumin' I'm a human What I gotta do to get it through to you I'm superhuman? Innovative and I'm made of rubber so that anything You say is ricochetin' off of me, and it'll glue to you and I'm devastating, more than ever demonstrating How to give a motherfuckin' audience a feeling like it's levitating Never fading, and I know the haters are forever waiting For the day that they can say I fell off, they'll be celebrating Cause I know the way to get 'em motivated I make elevating music, you make elevator music Oh, he's too mainstream Well, that's what they do when they get jealous, they confuse it It's not hip-hop, it's pop cause I found a hella way to fuse it With rock, shock rap with Doc Throw on "Lose Yourself" and make 'em lose it I don't know how to make songs like that I don't know what words to use Let me know when it occurs to you While I'm rippin' any one of these verses that versus you It's curtains, I'm inadvertently hurtin' you How many verses I gotta murder to Prove that if you were half as nice, your songs you could sacrifice virgins too?

Reggie: Fuck Off

Me: I’m Your Father

Reggie: Shut Up

(Everyone Gets Outside And We Escape Prison)

Reggie: They Really Just Let Us Out?

Me: Ever Heard Of “War”?

Reggie: Shut Up

Bambi: My Balls Feel Weird

Reggie: Here (Gives Melony Body Pillow)

Me: I CALL DIBS! (Tackles Bambi)

Melony: They Fight Over A Picture Of Me On A Pillow? Anyone Done That To You?

Allie: Nope Tords All I Got

Mr. Jupiter: IM COMING FIRST PREPARE FOR VASELINE IN MY SHORTS

Reggie: We Don’t Care About Yo Stick Long Dick That Hookers Fear Cum Somewhere Else Anyways Let Me Share Humping That Pillow

Tord: I NEED WAIFUS HAND IT OVER😍

Randy: OMG ITS HAWNY PILLOWS (Tackles The Pillow)

Melony: 🫥

(Everyone Except Allie Dave And Melony All Have Sex With The Melony Body Pillow)

Me: RANDY GET ME CUM-MAYO I GOTTA DO IT

Randy: HERE!

Me: (Smears Melony Body Pillow With Cum-Mayo) MMM

Melony: Umm

(I Fuck The Melony Body Pillow So Hard My Dick Goes Through The Vagina Of It) LGBTQ!

Reggie: YEAH!

Dave: Ugh!

(Allie Picks Up Everyone And Throw Them Away)

Allie: Stop Yo Fucking Let’s Go!

Me: Fine!

At Home:

Bambi: Those Dicks Need To Calm Down Arrestin Us For No Fuckin Reason

Dave: Yeah!

Reggie: What’s That Noise?

Mr. Jupiter: I Ain’t Shovin No Dildos Up Any Ass It Ain’t Me

Reggie: Okay

Dave: I Know I’m Smart But Can You Tell Me The Longest Words In History?

Me: Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is the longest word entered in the most trusted English dictionaries. The definition is "a lung disease caused by inhalation of very fine silicate or quartz dust." There are other long words that exist, but they are rarely or never used in a sentence. Two examples of words like this are "antidisestablishmentarianism" and "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."

Dave: Thanks

Me: Shut Your Hole

Dave: Fine Dumbass

Randy: Yall Want Some Tegridy Weed?

Tord: YES MAN

Me: There is a lake in Massachusetts called Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg

Allie: SAVE PUTIN

Me: YEAH!

Melony: The News Says He Has Blood Cancer

Me: N O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O ! ! ! ! !

Reggie: 🫡

Mr. Jupiter: 💦🍆

Melony: Fuck You

Randy Tord And Mr. Jupiter: Im Hungry

Me: Im Bored Have Surtromming

Randy: Wtf Is That?

Me: Eat It

Mr. Jupiter: Okay

Me: Alright you guys, I got eight crates of Surtromming all on my tab. Now whoever goes the longest without puking gets the last piece of pie in the fridge.

Mr. Jupiter: Okay

Me: Okay, here we go...

(The 4 Eat)

Me: How's everybody doing?

Mr. Jupiter: Good, good so far

Me: Alright, alright

Tord: Nothing yet

Me: Cool, Cool

Also Me: You know, I-I don't know if you guys had any of that pie already, but that is uh-that is some tasty stuff, that's from the bake sale that Melo- BLAARGHH

Tord: Oh! One down! I know somebody who won't be having any BLAERGHHH

Randy: I'm starting to feel funny...

Mr. Jupiter: Well, I feel fine, I guess I'm gonna- BLHUARGH!

Randy: Oh boy! That means I win! I get to eat- HUAARRGGH!

Tord: HUARRGH! Oh, Oh God! Why didn't anybody tell me... HUARGH!

Me: Oh my God, My Insides Are on Fir- BLEARGH!

Tord: No! No please! No More! No More! HUAARGH

Randy: I'm scared! GHARGH!

Mr. Jupiter: Get the phone! Call 91-AUGHHHH

Me: MELONY! MELONY MELONY, GET IN HERE! HUAAGH!

Mr. Jupiter: Okay, okay, I think it's all gone... I think BLAARGH!

Tord: (Sobbing) I don't wanna...I don't wanna BLAARGH!

Mr. Jupiter: COLLIN! COLLIN, I NEED YOU TO HOLD MY EARS- BLAARGH!

(I grab Jupiters ears and barf on his head. Jupiter, covered in vomit, then vomits on the couch. Jupiter wipes the vomit of his head while Tord groans on the couch and Randy and I lay on the floor. All 4 Of Us are in total agony)

Melony: This Happens Again Not Surprised

4 Hours Later:

Reggie: Ha! I got your hat! Take that, hatless! Now go back to the quad and resume your hackey-sack tourney! I'm not going to lie down for some frat boy bastard with his damn Teva sandals and his Skoal Bandits and his Abercrombie and Fitch long-sleeve open stitched crew-neck Henley smoking his sticky buds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded Simpson episodes every night! Yes, we all love Melony. Oh, you've got the Story memorized, do you? SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE! That is exactly the kind of idiot you see at Taco Bell at one in the morning...the guy who just whiffed his way down the bar-skank ladder.

Me: …

Melony: (On The Phone) Mr. Goldman from Quahog, Rhode Island, leave me alone! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!!

Mr. Goldman: Shut Up (Hangs Up)

Melony: >=(

Also Melony: I can't believe He’s Mad At me.

Reggie: I can't believe I'm out Of Rule 34!

Me: I Can't Believe It's Not Butter! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Stick around Dumbass

Reggie: Fuck You I can't believe I'm actually jealous.

Mr. Jupiter: I can't believe You actually Cancelled Hard Porn.

Me: I still Can't Believe It's Not Butter! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Next week, I run for President Of Russia. Do I have what it takes? We'll find out. Don't miss it.

Reggie: I’m Taking You To Taco Bell Lolz

Me: Want Me To Shit My Pants?

Reggie: Nooo I Just Want To Know What You Want To Order!

Me: Fine

At Taco Bell:

Speaker: Hello This Is Taco Bell How May I Take Your Order

Reggie: What U Want Melony?

Melony: Gimme A Number 5 With Pepsi

Reggie: Fine Collin What U Want?

Me: (To Speaker) I'll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, a large soda 2 Bottles Of Cum-Mayo Almond Water 5 Number 5s A Number 4 With A Impressive Pickle A Number 1 With A Hot Dog Two Big Macs A Russian Lobster a double triple bossy deluxe, on a raft, four-by-four animal-style, extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it, and let it swim A Small Sprite Two Large Fish Sandwich’s 9 Chocolate Balls A Box Of Popcorn 2 Large Number 120s And A Big Taco And Dont Forget The Burritos

Speaker: That’ll Be 500$

Me: Okay

(We Arrive At The Next Window)

Random Worker: Here’s Your two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, a large soda 2 Bottles Of Cum-Mayo Almond Water 5 Number 5s A Number 4 With A Impressive Pickle A Number 1 With A Hot Dog Two Big Macs A Russian Lobster a double triple bossy deluxe, on a raft, four-by-four animal-style, extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it, and let it swim A Small Sprite Two Large Fish Sandwich’s 9 Chocolate Balls A Box Of Popcorn 2 Large Number 120s A Big Taco And 3 Burritos

Me: Thanks!

Also Me: I’m Stopping At Kenny’s He Said “Come I’ll Give You Gummis”

Reggie: I Don’t Like The Way This Is Going

Me: Shut Up

The Next Day:

Me: AHHHHHHHH MY ANUS BURNS

Melony: Why?

Me: GODDAMN KENNYS GUMMIS

Reggie: Didn’t This Happen A Year Ago?

Me: After Going To Kenny’s And Getting The Gummis And a late night Dark Web session I felt confident, but I had to decide between sleeping in or cooking breakfast. My eyelids chose sleep. My stomach later regretted this decision, and after several uncomfortable stomach growls, I finally decided to make a quick stop by the bookstore and grab another Bag Of Gummis before I Went To School Since the semester was ending and everyone was going home for the summer, a lot of items were on sale, including the snacks and candy that they kept up front. Being in the hungry state that I was in, it felt only logical to pick the largest, yet least expensive Gummis in order to get more bang for my buck.

Melony: Go On

Me: And there they sat: two bags of Haribo Sugar-Free Gummi Bears, buy one get one free. What a deal! I thought naïvely. I would eat one bag before my test, and one bag afterwards. As I walked to class, I gleefully chewed on those abominable little bastards, unaware of the utter mayhem that they would soon unleash upon my poor, poor anus. I sat down at my desk as the professor informed us that, due to issues with cheating in the past, restroom breaks would be prohibited until the completion of the exam. “I'll give you 10 minutes to use the restroom now; this will be your last chance. Any takers?” The demon bears hadn't released their unholy necromancy upon my stomach yet, so in my moment of ignorant foolishness, I remained seated, still munching on those miniature bear-shaped bombs. After the students wise enough to take the professor's offer had returned, the professor handed out the test. I was six questions in when it happened. It started subtly at first, almost like a slight tingly sensation in my lower abdomen. I thought nothing of it, assuming my intestines were just doing their thang. Little did I know that my intestines were trying desperately to warn me of the horror that was on the horizon. By question 9 it happened again, but this time it was followed by a sharp pain, as if those infernal hellions had orchestrated an attack upon my colon. I fought to contain the groan that tried escaping my lips. It was at this point I began to panic; something was going horribly long, and I needed to get through this test before it got any worse. By question 14 my worst fear was upon me; the Satan bears' burning, hot, liquidy dark magic crashed against my anal sphincter like a tidal wave. I was able to close the hatch just in time, but those relentless, toxic bears beat against it like Orcs breaking down the doors of Helm's Deep. I knew I wouldn't be able to so much as shift in my seat without risking a breach. I kept fighting through my exam, clenching my cheeks with all my might. Beads of sweat began rolling down my neck. Suddenly, a loud, gurgling war cry came from my belly, and the entire class lifted their heads. At this point, nothing mattered except expelling this ungodly presence from my bowels. With 15 questions left, I promptly wrote C for every answer and ran out of the classroom. My professor yelled something, but I was too preoccupied with the volcanic eruption that needed to take place before I could find sweet, sweet relief. I burst into the restroom like the Kool-Aid man and, behold, the handicap stall was empty. Sun rays from the adjacent window shone upon it, as if it were a gift from God himself. It took me less than .5 seconds to undo my belt buckle, pull down my pants, and finally relax my weary buttocks upon the toilet seat. It took absolutely no effort to expel this demon. Almost immediately, the floodgates of hell were opened and the damned, liquified souls of an entire bag's worth of gummi bears cried as they burned through my sphincter and into the watery abyss below. I had never felt such simultaneous relief and anguish in my life. After 30 more minutes of this, I immediately went home, dug a hole in my backyard, and burned the remaining bag of gummi bears. I leave with this; do not, I repeat do NOT eat these spawns of Satan. Not only did they cause me to fail my final test, but the anguish I experienced is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone, not even my worst enemy. The only place these god forsaken hell bears belong are buried deep below the Earth's surface.

Reggie: You Dumbas- (Gets Smacked By Natsuki) OWW