Spin-Off! Episode 1: The Hunt for Fish-Hitler

The first episode of the Clusterf\*ck spin-off show creatively named Spin-Off! follows the mercenaries Chamillionar, Phee and Xiphosur on their hunt for notorious evil genius and space racist Fish-Hitler.

## Summary

### Stealing William Wallace

The opening scene of the episode is our mercenaries trying to negotiate a spaceship rental with a Papegarian spaceship dealer. When negotiations failed however, Phee revealed her true nature as an energy vampire and absorbed some of the dealers life force, temporarily paralyzing them. This however also caused Phee to exhibit some of the Papegarian properties, temporarily making her repeat every last few words of every sentence she uttered.

   She then proceeded to take a set of keys from behind the counter which turned out to be the keys of the William Wallace, a vessel decorated in medieval Scottish style with framed posters of actor Mel Gibson in his role in Braveheart , and constant bagpipe music playing over the speakers. Controls of the ship were also complicated, them being a wooden synthetic computer with a set of reins replacing the steering wheel. Luckily for the party, Chamillionar managed to figure out the controls without much help from the wrongly configured Scottish Pirate AI.

### Weapons at Warp Food

Rather than docking directly at Tisnart Station, Chamillionar decided to first pass by the small floating Warp Food station, a fast food chain prohibited from settling on Tisnart Station for hygienic reasons. Things turned violent however when as the Rotundor attempted to place an order at the drive-in, the Raconian clerk was scared off when seeing Xiphosur in his monstrous form, this being caused by an argument between the Crabinoid and Ophelia. The clerk returned a few moments later with a plasma shotgun he fired from his stall into the ship's cockpit, nearly hitting Chamillionar who was quick enough to turn into ball-form and take cover underneath the roll-down window of the ship.

Before the situation could escalate further, Phee used her hypnotic abilities to get the clerk to bring Chamillionars order of one cheeseburger. Phee and Xiphosur then proceeded to argue about who was to get to eat the clerk but this debate was cut short as Chamillionar put his foot on the accelerator leaving the Warp Food drive-in behind.

### Trouble on Tisnart Station

Rather than heading out for their hunt on Fish-Hitler immediately, the party was stalled as Xiphosur refused to pay the docking fee to a Penguran customs officer named Giorgio. It eventually escalated quite rapidly into Xiphosur consuming the customs officer, the only remnants being a few of Giorgio's bloody bones and a wallet containing a family picture of him and his five kids.

Looking for clues on Fish-Hitler's whereabouts, the crew went to the shadiest establishment they could find on Tisnart Station: Coolio's. Upon entry, Phee was immediately interested in the fedoras several Holo-poker playing Pengurans were wearing as they reminded her of human artifacts. Phee then joined a table of poker playing Pengurans in an attempt to win their hats, putting up Chamillionar, her "Rotundor slave", as her bet. Chamillionar not being a fan of this idea instinctively curled up into ball form when a Polarian Ursin's paw grabbed his shoulder. Luckily for the party, Phee won the holographic card game, winning four fedoras and several hundred credits.

### The Penguran Mafia

Back on mission, Chamillionar attempted to draw out any of Fish-Hitler's followers by turning up some German music in the form of "Eins, Zwei, Polizei" on the jukebox. This immediately attracted the attention of the Kingpin, local don of the Penguran Mafia, who approached the party and pointed out their rudeness of playing such vile music in his establishment, on his cousin's graduation party no less. As the party explained their intention of hunting down Fish-Hitler, the Kingpin proved relatively sympathetic and pointed the bounty hunters in the direction of the aqua-nazi's lair underneath the station's water reserve.

However, as our hunters were about to leave Coolio's, Phee overheard a conversation at one the tables filled with Pengurans mentioning their customs officer buddy Giorgio being late. Talking herself into trouble as always, Phee accidentally revealed the party's involvement in the customs officer's demise, turning the Kingpin and the mafioso against them. Chamillionar already having fled in ball-form and Phee using her ghostly energy phasing ability to escape the bar, this left Xiphosur on his own to deal with the mess. Luckily for him he managed to knock out the Kingpin using his telepathic abilities and then successfully intimidated the bar's patrons into not fighting him, helped by the fact they were still licking their wounds from a previous bar fight.

### Fish-Hitler's Lair

Once reunited, the party took the elevator to one of the lowest floor of the station, underneath the water reserve, arriving in a dark leaky corridor. After the bickering between Phee and Xiphosur was done, Phee scouted ahead with her limited sense of darkvision, spotting a locked door at the end of the corridor. Chamillionar then proceeded to successfully hack the metal door's codelock, revealing Fish-Hitler's evil lair.

Here the party found a strange machine contraption remeniscent of the one in the story of Frankenstein, revealing a sleeping cyborg Bovinid wearing a name tag that read "~~An'ton Ows Tee-Roll~~ Evil Minion". Fish-Hitler then revealed himself up on a balcony in the bowl of his mechanical body, with maniacal laughter and Nazi banners flowing from the wall, holding a remote with a single red button to control his minion. However, Chamillionar managed to convince Fish-Hitler he did some wrong wiring in the controls of his minions. Getting Fish-Hitler to come down from the balcony and running through some tech support, Chamillionar managed to rerout control of An'ton to himself. In an attempt to catch Fish-Hitler by surprise, Chamillionar let his new minion turn his Nazi salute into a solid punch against Fish-Hitler's fishbowl. However, due to the heavy pantzer of said bowl it failed to break the glass and Fish-Hitler activated the room's poisonous gas trap and attempted to flee back on his balcony which was severely hindered by his mechanical body's little shopping cart like wheels.

### Under the Sea

After barely any struggle Xiphosur managed to devour Fish-Hitler as he pierced through the aqua-nazi's bowl and swallowed the fishy fascist. However, Fish-Hitler's last act of defiance was the lair's self-destruct in the form of the ceiling slowly ripping open and letting in all the water from the above lying reserve. Chamillionar set An'ton free from his control and escaped with the Bovinid to the elevator in the corridor while Xiphosur and Phee braved the incoming waterfall and with all of their power swam to the top, emerging in an artificial lake where several people where enjoying their day out to the park alongside the numerous number of homeless folks. The enjoyment of these beings was short-lived however as they saw the terrifying Crabinoid emerge from the water alongside the now drained and hungry energy vampire who satiated herself on a family of Slime tourists, also temporarily absorbing some of their properties which turned her into a slimy humanoid.

Eventually the crew turned in the bounty on Fish-Hitler at a Space Cops station as Xiphosur had managed to save the fish nazi's mechanical body from destruction.

## Soundtrack

This episode featured the following songs:

* *Scotland The Brave*
* *All I Want For Christmas Is You* by Mariah Carey
* *Gangsta's Paradise* by Coolio
* *Eins, Zwei, Polizei* by Mo-Do
* *Anton Aus Tirol* by DJ Ötzi
* *Under The Sea* from The Little Mermaid