Episode 88: The Money Doctor

**Video:**
1:00:01

**Video:**
the money doctor.mp4

https://globehell.libsyn.com/

## Episode Summary

Everytime you go to the doctor they take a look at your bad knee and say you need this medication for your rashes. What if they looked at your financial health and perscribe MONEY. Not just Doctor say Money Doctor.

## Idea Details

* Idea: The Money Doctor
* Creator of idea: Drew
* Purpose of idea: Josiah, have you ever been to the doctor? And I know you have. It's just a -- (Josiah: "What do you mean you *know* I have??") Cause everybody has been to the doctor. (Josiah: "I haven't, actually.") And we all know -- you haven't? Don't be difficult. (Josiah: "I've never been to the doctor.") Don't be difficult! Please. (Josiah: "What are you talkin' about, 'don't be difficult'?") Please, I just wanna get on with my episode; don't be difficult, don't pretend -- don't pretend -- (Josiah: "When I feel sick, I go to a auto mechanic shop and I get them to tinker around insi--") Why would you do that. You're not a car, Josiah. (Josiah: "-- They tinker around inside and uh --") They don't do that. (Josiah: "-- I wasn't a car before --") But you are now?? (Josiah: "That's why -- People think I'm alternative but I'm actually -- have an alternator inside of me. And that's why they think that.") Mhm. (Josiah: "So I'm f-- it's funny -- it's just funny that you said that expecting one answer and then heard --") Mhm. Mhm. Yeah, because you're being difficult. (Josiah: "-- I mean, if you had said that to somebody else -- well n--") Because you're being difficult. (Josiah: "I mean, I think I just might need an oil change. And that's probably why.") Well, Josiah, we -- we all know what it's -- (Josiah: "\*VROOM sound effect\*") You're not a car, Josiah. No matter how much you wanna be. You're not a car. (Josiah: "\*Honk-honk sound effect\* That was a courtesy g-- to say -- to let you in. Go ahead!") OK. (Josiah: "The lane is open! \*waves\*") Well, we all know what it's like -- (Josiah: "You didn't wave. You're supposed to w-- when someone lets you in the --") \*waves with fingers open\* (Josiah: "Is that how you do it?") Yeah. (Josiah: "You don't do it just like this? \*waves with fingers closed\*") \*waves with fingers wide open\* No, I do a single jazz hand. (Josiah: "Oh. Well, anything you do with your hands is single, but go ahead.") What does that even mean?? OK, we all know what it's like to go to the doctor unless you're a liar like Josiah. (Josiah: "I actually don't. I have no clue.") Unless you're a liar like Josiah, we all know what it's like to go to the doctor. But it's never a simple -- it's never, like, an easy experience. It's not something that you look forward to, certainly. (Josiah: "I was joking earlier; I've been to the doctor. I thought you meant something different, but when I watched that, I was like, 'Oh, I've been there. I've been in that experience before.' Like your sibli-- you and your sibling, both, are married to two different doctors: one of them keeps having sex with other patients and the other one is addicted to poisoning you and opening uh life insurance policies.") And it's funny because I was at the doctor the other day, and none of this stuff happened, but it was still not a great experience, you know, the waiting -- (Josiah: "Oh, reall-- Are you OK? What happ-- Why'd you go to the doctor?") Yeah, no, I'm fine, I'm fine. But in the waiting room, I started -- (Josiah: "What was the reason for -- No, but, like, what were the symptoms that made you go there?") It was just a regular check-up. (Josiah: "For what ar-- what part of your body?") My entire body. (Josiah: "The bo--") Looking at my entire body. (Josiah: "Front or back?") Entire. Parts of my back. (Josiah: "T-- Like, look with your eyes or with your hands?") Both. (Josiah: "Inside or outside body?") Inside outside. Inside outside check. (Josiah: "Happy ending?") No happy ending. Only ruined orgasm. (Josiah: "So you went to the doctor --") But I was at the doctor and I was thinking, 'What about -- what if there was some sort of financial side to the doctor?' And I started thinking about the 63 IMG top membership benefits, and we should go over those. Cause I was thinking about that in the doctor's office. It's the International Marketing Group. These are all things that you get from signing up to IMG. (Josiah: "I thought you -- so w-- sorry, wha-- so this is a doctor thing? What are you trying --") No, this is -- (Josiah: "*What* just happened? *What's* the episode?") I was at the doctor's...... (Josiah: "OK what did they -- and what were your symptoms that led you there?") It doesn't matter! But I started thinking about -- (Josiah: "But I'd like to kno-- Are you O-- Do you have an STI?") No! (Josiah: "Are you having some digestive issues?") No! I'm fine! It doesn't matter! (Josiah: "Or is it brain fog?") It's not important! (Josiah: "Depression? What's -- Should we be alarmed?") It's not important! It's not important! The issu-- The fact is, I was at the doctor -- (Josiah: "Just give me a quick indication of do we need to be -- how many -- cause we plan these episodes so far in ahead, should we kee--") Mhm. (Josiah: "Are we done?? Like is there time? How many --") No! If anything happens, it's gonna be sudden. (Josiah: "So you were at the doctor...") But I'm at the doctor's office, and I'm thinking about what about -- what -- you know, I have to go the bank later; what if we could get this all done at once? And then I started to think about the financial benefits of IMG. The 63 benefits. (Josiah: "I was at the doctor and I said, 'Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake!' ") OK. (Josiah: "And he said, 'Next time, take off the candles!' to me. Is what the doctor said to me. When *I* was there. Recently.") 63 IMG top membership benefits. This is what I was thinking about. (Josiah: "Why did the mattress go to the doctor? It had spring fever.' Kind of related to the --") Well that's not -- that's completely unrelated. (Josiah: "So you're kinda saying that uh health of --") I'm saying -- (Josiah: "Your body health is b-- is -- your body is a bank.") Yeah! Well, but your -- part of -- you know, when you *have* money, you can afford to be a healthy. You know what I'm saying? So if you have a doctor -- (Josiah: "I wouldn't -- I *don't* know; I'm not, like, I'm not --") OK. (Josiah: "So you were th-- I guess, just for the people at home, what are you trying to say right now, for -- with this?") What do you mean? (Josiah: "So we're wa-- So you were at the doctor the other day, --") Yes. Yes. (Josiah: "And what was, kind of, the diagnosis for you -- the prognos--") It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter, Josiah! OK? (Josiah: "And then why'd that make you think about the Palawan Pawnshop IMG?") Well, it didn't, it made me think about the 63 IMG top membership benefits. And it made me think about what if the doctor offered financial benefits? What if the doctor could go beyond prescribing drugs or poisoning us? What if they were able to prescribe money? But also give a bunch of different benefits, similar to IMG! (Josiah: "So -- cause normally a doctor now -- I mean, like, when you were at the doctor the other day, uh how did it end when you were there? Like, you went to the doctor, --") Well they prescribed me some stuff. (Josiah: "For what?") Some ointments. (Josiah: "For what's the issue that you're suffering from?") It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter. Ointments, lotions, and stuff. (Josiah: "OK so it's some sort of topical issue.") A bucket -- A special bucket to hold it. (Josiah: "To hold.. what?") Anything that comes out. (Josiah: "So there's some kind of oozing topical issue.") There's -- We don't need to get into it!
* Timetable: No timetable was given for Money Doctors so presumably the control chips will be drilled in all doctors' heads immediately and they will be given their small salary of $300,000 a year and begin prescribing money to everyone immediately.
* Idea details:
	+ Doctors will be able to offer financial benefits and will be able to go beyond prescribing drugs or poisoning us and instead be able to prescribe money. They will also give a bunch of different benefits, similar to the 63 IMG top membership benefits.
	+ Doctors should be concerned with more than just your health, and also start being concerned with your mental health and they should also ask how you're doing financially and what you're investing in and about crypto.
	+ Instead of wearing a white coat, the crypto doctor will wear a black collarless leather trench coat.
	+ Doctors will do a credit check now. It will affect your credit negatively if the check went badly.
	+ There will be a credit score but for your health now too. So you will lose points if you smoke a lot, for instance. This is because if someone is close to death or a vegetable, you wouldn't give them a lot of money.
	+ Just because a Money Doctor once prescribed you money doesn't mean that they will necessarily do so again.
	+ The Money Doctor won't tell you what to invest the money prescription in because there could potentially be some manipulation going on then, but they will advise you to invest it in something, regardless.
	+ You could invest the money or you could go to Toys"R"Us or something.
	+ Money is just paper and isn't real so the money to pay for this will not have to come from anywhere in particular. This means it will not hurt economy in any way.
	+ The Money Doctor cannot give you straight cash; you must take your money prescription to the ATM because it's like going to the pharmacy.
	+ Your money prescription may be covered by insurance, which will make it even cheaper.
	+ The only problem with this idea is W. Neil Gallagher, who was The Money Doctor but took money from people and then didn't give any out. To prevent this, we will put some sort of control chip inside of every doctor's brain by drilling a hole into their head and putting a control chip or something in there that would be able to control them. This will make it so they can't steal.
		- Note: The hole drilled into every doctors' head will be in addition to the hole that was augured into everyone's frontal lobe to install a light bulb that lights up with an intensity directly related to how good an idea is; it will not interfere with that process in any way.
	+ The control chip will not be an All Dressed chip or a fish and chips chip (British kind), but will rather be something similar to the inhibitor chips on the clones.
	+ Doctors will all be given a small salary of $300,000 a year.
	+ The control chip cannot be installed in everyone's heads because we still need robbers, as they are an important part of the ecosystem of the planet. We also need cops because there's robbers.

## Devil Play

* There was no devil play in this episode. Josiah agreed that it was a great idea.

## Notable Events

* Drew revealed, perhaps erroneously, that he was born in 1987, and Josiah revealed that he was born in 1997.
	+ Note: In Episode 33: Back to Basics, Drew revealed that he was 16 in 2010, making his birth year either 1993 or 1994, which would make him 28 or 29 as of this episode, not 34 or 35 as he implies here, and not 33 as he implied previously in Episode 55: World Wide T'rain and Latte Capitalism featuring Felix. It is currently unknown what explains these discrepancies. However, it should be noted that in Episode 49: Leftist Hypebeast, Drew revealed that he had attended the 1988 Winter Olympics in Calgary, a statement that, when paired with this one, seems to suggest that his prior statement was either misstated or a complete fabrication.
* Drew revealed his Stonehenge shirt to the camera and talked about one of his favorite movies, *Spinal Tap*, while singing songs from it.
* Josiah and Drew thought for a second and grinned about how absolutely fucking genius it was that when it's springtime, they thought for us to "spring our clocks forward".
* Josiah and Drew discussed that Drew's fiscal year was good and impressive because he found a lot of diamonds, a lot of oil, and a lot of gold with the groups that he works with.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "⏰ Tax Filing Deadline: T4, T4A and T5's" about how it is time for my annual tip about the upcoming deadline for filing T4, T4A and T5 information returns.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Did You Repay COVID-19 Money in 2021?" about how if you repaid CERB, CRB or any of the other programs in 2021 you have an interesting choice to make. Drew confessed to fraud while they were watching this video.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Claiming Home Office Expenses for Your Personal Tax Return" about how the fall economic statement from the federal government announced that the simplified method for claiming home office expenses would be extended for the 2021 and 2022 taxation years.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Difference Between Bank Accounts and Balance Sheets" about a presentation on is the money in the bank account all yours. Drew announced that Conan O'Brien was dead during this video. Josiah asked if he meant Bob Saget and Drew replied that he couldn't remember.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Policy on Arriving Late to Board Meetings" about how Josiah and Drew were late to the recording of this episode. Josiah and Drew discussed creating a board of directors for Globe Hell Warning to formalize things and turn it into a business. Some people discussed as options to include on the board of directors include Nate, Tom, and anyone who ever blocked Drew on Twitter.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "What is the Difference Between Being a Member and Board Member of an Organization?" about difference between board member.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "EVIL Doctor POISONS Woman For MONEY" about how in this Life Reels video, Maya is has been taking care of her very sick sister Sarah. Drew believed that the man playing the private investigator in this video was also in one of the videos he and Josiah watched for a Patreon episode.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "The 63 IMG Top Membership Benefits" about the 63 IMG Top Membership Benefits in this video.
* Josiah and Drew role-played Money Doctor and patient, with Drew playing The Money Doctor and Josiah playing the patient.
	+ Drew, playing The Money Doctor:
		- "Hey, come on into the office, Josiah!"
	+ Josiah, playing the patient:
		- "Uh, do you wanna maybe put some clothes on first or..?"
	+ Drew, playing The Money Doctor:
		- "Fir-- I -- First of all, I'm fully clothed. I'm the doctor so you're going to be listening to me, OK?? I'm the one who's giving the orders in this role-play!"
	+ Josiah, playing the patient:
		- "I'm just feeling a little bit uncomfortable, but OK."
	+ Drew, playing The Money Doctor:
		- "Come into the office. Strip! Boy, that's a small winky you have! Put your clothes back on!"
	+ Josiah, playing the patient:
		- "Um, OK. I -- Ye--"
	+ Drew, playing The Money Doctor:
		- "Thank you!"
	+ Josiah, playing the patient:
		- "I can't keep up with you, sir."
	+ Drew, playing The Money Doctor:
		- "I'm going to prescribe you these uh pills for your winky; make it less stinky and uh small. But um how are things uh financially? I looked up your uh credit rating and saw that it's plummeted."
	+ Josiah, playing the patient:
		- "Mhm, it's not --"
	+ Drew, playing The Money Doctor:
		- "Are you going into debt?"
	+ Josiah, playing the patient:
		- "I'm not doing very well, in general, to be honest with you, sir."
	+ Drew, playing The Money Doctor:
		- "OK. Wel-- yeah."
	+ Josiah, playing the patient:
		- "Uh, it's -- p-- I'd appreciate it if you could keep your hands *on* the table cause I don't like the movements I'm seeing under --"
	+ Drew, playing The Money Doctor:
		- "My hands are on the table; my one hand is on a gun now."
	+ Josiah, playing the patient:
		- "Yeah, I know. A fleshy, pink gun that you were stroking and, to be honest with you, --"
	+ Drew, playing The Money Doctor:
		- "Mhm. My other hand is on a crossbow pointed at your head."
	+ Josiah, playing the patient:
		- "So as a doctor, I was wondering, actually, you know, uh, 'Physician, heal thyself,' they say, uh what are some of the things that *you've* been going through recently that you might be needing ointments for, or going to see people, as a doc--"
	+ Drew, playing The Money Doctor:
		- "Nothing."
	+ Josiah, playing the patient:
		- "What do you mean, 'Nothing'?"
	+ Drew, playing The Money Doctor:
		- "Nothing. I'm going to prescribe you a uh three-month supply of uh $500 a day. Take it twice --"
	+ Josiah, playing the patient:
		- "$500 *a day*!"
	+ Drew, playing The Money Doctor:
		- "Take it twice a day. So basically what you're gonna do -- I mean, ha--"
	+ Josiah, playing the patient:
		- " 'Take it', meaning -- What do you mean, 'Take it'? How --"
	+ Drew, playing The Money Doctor:
		- "Oh, you've never been prescribed money before?"
	+ Josiah, playing the patient:
		- "I never have, no!"
	+ Drew, playing The Money Doctor:
		- "This is your first time?"
	+ Josiah, playing the patient:
		- "It actually *is* my first time, and I --"
	+ Drew, playing The Money Doctor:
		- "OK, well I'm going --"
	+ Josiah, playing the patient:
		- "-- to be honest with you, I'm a little nervous about the side effects!"
	+ Drew, playing The Money Doctor:
		- "Mhm, well I'm going to b-- The only side effects that you're gonna be uh having is that your bank account is gonna be filling up. So take *this* prescription that I'm writing for you, take this to the ATM --"
	+ Josiah, playing the patient:
		- "So is it like a check?"
	+ Drew, playing The Money Doctor:
		- "It's like a prescription. Take this to the ATM uh twice a day - once in the morning, once at night - and you will get $500! Every time."
	+ Josiah, playing the patient:
		- "OK, thank you! Uh and I guess I was just also wondering uh what that smell is in your office."
	+ Drew, playing The Money Doctor:
		- "That's your winky."
	+ Josiah, playing the patient:
		- "And scene!"
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "W. Neil Gallagher Living Resume" about how W. Neil Gallagher PhD is a financial planner, author, financial journalist, motivational speaker, and seasoned broadcaster. Josiah and Drew doxxed W. Neil Gallagher at the end of the video.
* Drew tried to play porno during the episode but was blocked by Watch2Gether.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Victims Of Ponzi Scheme Reach Out To Investigators After 'Money Doctor' Arrest" about how William Neil 'Doc' Gallagher was arrested earlier this week.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Christian Radio Host sentenced To Three Life Sentences | William Neil “Doc” Gallagher" about how W. Neil Gallagher got three life sentences for being The Money Doctor and taking money *from* the old.

## Notable Quotes

### Josiah

* "Let's just leave a few seconds at the start where we don't talk so that we can introduce the commentary track when we do a commentary on the episode."
* "I was born in 1997."
* "That's not a grin. You're doing a 'grin-ch'."
* "CUNF. See you next fall. CUNF."
* "Do we have board members of Globe Hell?"
* [In response to hearing the word 'Facebook' in a video] "Mark Zuckerberg. Mark Zuckerberg d-- not responsible -- People need to stop saying -- blaming Mark Zuckerberg for the uh..."
* "I've never been to the doctor."
* "When I feel sick, I go to a auto mechanic shop and I get them to tinker around insi-- They tinker around inside and uh -- I wasn't a car before --"
* "People think I'm alternative but I'm actually -- have an alternator inside of me. And that's why they think that."
* "I mean, I think I just might need an oil change."
* "\*VROOM sound effect\*"
* "\*Honk-honk sound effect\* That was a courtesy g-- to say -- to let you in. Go ahead! The lane is open! \*waves\* You didn't wave. You're supposed to w-- when someone lets you in the --"
* [In response to Drew saying he waves with a single jazz hand] "Oh. Well, anything you do with your hands is single, but go ahead."
* [In response to Drew saying we all know what it's like to go to the doctor unless you're a liar like Josiah] "I actually don't. I have no clue."
* "That doctor is drippy!"
* "Doctors are often very hot, like this guy. With the smoothest voice you've ever heard."
* "When most people go to the dentist, I just get a new air freshener put uh inside my mouth."
* "This looks like a Calgary house. In, like, Country Hills."
* [In response to a long video Drew played] "What's the purp-- Is this a TV show that we're watching or what's the purpose of this?"
* "Usually, there's something going -- when you go to the doctor, they're like, 'Would you rather see Brian or Robert?', and then you have to pick, and then one of them ruins your life and poisons you and then the other one's always going to a conference."
* "It's impossible to know if doctors are poisoning you."
* "Do you think that one million dollars is a lot of money, Drew?"
* "Doctors are evil. Tryin' to get you to get the vaccine. Make you get vaccine. They're always tryin' to make you get the COVID-19 vaccine."
* "I was joking earlier; I've been to the doctor. I thought you meant something different, but when I watched that, I was like, 'Oh, I've been there. I've been in that experience before.' Like your sibli-- you and your sibling, both, are married to two different doctors: one of them keeps having sex with other patients and the other one is addicted to poisoning you and opening uh life insurance policies."
* "I thought you -- so w-- sorry, wha-- so this is a doctor thing? What are you trying -- *What* just happened? *What's* the episode?"
* "Do you have an STI?"
* "I was at the doctor and I said, 'Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake!' And he said, 'Next time, take off the candles!' to me. Is what the doctor said to me. When *I* was there. Recently."
* "Why did the mattress go to the doctor? It had spring fever.
* "Oh look at that money tree! What if we did an episode about a money tree?"
	+ Note: In Episode 74: Invincible House, Josiah and Drew discussed that Invincible Houses will be houses that are not contributing negatively to climate change and are also able to withstand whatever climate change has in store for us, including more earthquakes, more floods, more fires, or even the little-discussed money tree that grows, or a seed that grows out of the ground that basically brought you up to *Jack and the Beanstalk*. Drew's response to Josiah seemed to indicate that he may have remembered this discussion but Josiah did not seem to remember, though it is currently unknown why that would be the case.
* "I guess, just for the people at home, what are you trying to say right now, for -- with this?"
* "The problem that you're trying to solve is that th-- people who are sick are usually, like, nasty poor people. And so they will be healthy if they're stop being so nasty and poor."
* [In response to Drew calling him into his office] "Uh, do you wanna maybe put some clothes on first or..?"
* "So... will this hurt uh 'conomy?"
* [On the topic of W. Neil Gallagher] "He's done nothing wrong! You gonna try to cancel this guy now?"
* "Fort *Worth*: they must know a lot about uh money there."
* "I'm actually really smart. I'm actually, like, -- A lot of people say that to me all the time. A lot of people tell me I'm really uh clever."
* [On the topic of the control chip that will be drilled into every doctor's head] "Like a All Dressed or..? *Fish* and chips? British kind?"
* "Honestly, correct me if I'm wrong, simplicity's sake: let's go back to 'doctor' means you're a man, 'nurse' means you're a woman. I think let's go back to that."
* "So the *male* doc-- *or* th-- *or* woman. So even if it's a *woman* doctor, you wanna drill into *her* brain when she's passing the ba-- is it a bar? Or...? My problem is I can't just pass a bar, I -- so I can't just -- I need to go -- I need to stop -- I need it to stop altogether cause I can't just pass a bar."
* "It's just *so* weird to think of 'doctor' as being *Mrs.* Doct-- you know, the titles; it's just so stra--"
* "OK, so you wanna drill into the women's heads and put something in there so that they can't steal money. If we're doing -- if we're going that far, can we do other stuff in there? Like, can we get rid of their desire to have any money at all? So that they just -- we don't have to pay them?"
* "You get rid of robbers, then you can get rid of cops! Well, who's the opposite of a robber? A cop. There we go, we've solved the cop problem."
* "I think we need to take cops -- we need to take a 'cop' and reverse it. We need to reverse -- cause what's 'cop' backwards? POC. And we need *way* more POCs and less cops. Is what *I* think. And you disagree."
* "You *need* corruption in the doctor industry; that's -- cause that's interesting!"
* "I mean, if we have a chip that could end stealing and theft and crime, with our chip that could make everyone behave and love each other and have world peace, I don't know why we just wouldn't put that in everyone, but I guess we'll do your idea, where we have lady doctors instead of nurses."

### Drew

* [In response to Josiah asking what episode number this was] "I think this is 87."
* "That's the year I was born: 1987."
	+ Note: In Episode 33: Back to Basics, Drew revealed that he was 16 in 2010, making his birth year either 1993 or 1994, which would make him 28 or 29 as of this episode, not 34 or 35 as he implies here, and not 33 as he implied previously in Episode 55: World Wide T'rain and Latte Capitalism featuring Felix. It is currently unknown what explains these discrepancies. However, it should be noted that in Episode 49: Leftist Hypebeast, Drew revealed that he had attended the 1988 Winter Olympics in Calgary, a statement that, when paired with this one, seems to suggest that his prior statement was either misstated or a complete fabrication.
* "You got sprung. You got sprung. You got sprung. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom! It means you got a boner."
* "It's almost 'getting railed in a sundress season' for me, baby!"
* [On the topic of starting a Globe Hell board of directors] "Maybe we should start a surfboard. Start surfing."
* [In response to hearing the word 'Facebook' in a video] "Meta."
* [On the topic of Facebook] "Well, by the way, we stand with Facebook this week with them being um banned from Russia. So we stand with Facebook."
* [In response to Josiah saying he's not sure if he stands with Facebook in response to them getting banned from Russia] "You stand with Hitler, too, then?? Just say it out loud, then! Go ahead! Go ahead!! Well, no, just say it: you stand with Hitler, too. Say it."
* "Josiah, have you ever been to the doctor?"
* "Don't be difficult. Don't be difficult! Please. Please, I just wanna get on with my episode; don't be difficult, don't pretend -- don't pretend --"
* [In response to Josiah saying he goes to a auto mechanic shop when he feels sick] "Why would you do that. You're not a car, Josiah."
* [In response to Josiah saying the auto shop tinkers around inside him when he feels sick] "They don't do that."
* [In response to Josiah saying he 'wasn't a car before'] "But you are now??"
* "Yeah, because you're being difficult. Because you're being difficult."
* "You're not a car, Josiah. No matter how much you wanna be. You're not a car."
* "OK, we all know what it's like to go to the doctor unless you're a liar like Josiah. Unless you're a liar like Josiah, we all know what it's like to go to the doctor."
* [In response to Josiah's question about if Drew thinks one million dollars is a lot money] "No, absolutely not. That's chump change."
* "I gotta poison these cops."
* "Look at that dog's dick!"
* [In response to Josiah's question about if Drew got a happy ending at the doctor's office] "No happy ending. Only ruined orgasm."
* "But I was at the doctor and I was thinking, 'What about -- what if there was some sort of financial side to the doctor?' And I started thinking about the 63 IMG top membership benefits, and we should go over those. Cause I was thinking about that in the doctor's office. It's the International Marketing Group."
* "Well, but your -- part of -- you know, when you *have* money, you can afford to be a healthy. You know what I'm saying?"
* "It made me think about the 63 IMG top membership benefits. And it made me think about what if the doctor offered financial benefits? What if the doctor could go beyond prescribing drugs or poisoning us? What if they were able to prescribe money? But also give a bunch of different benefits, similar to IMG!"
* "If somebody is, you know, they're gonna die soon or they have something where they, you know, they -- they're like a vegetable or something, you're not give 'em a lot of money!"
* "This is the sort of idea that I th-- when I think about it, I can sort of use a skyhook and pull myself out of my own uh, uh, conceptualization of it, and I look down at it and I see, 'This is an idea that only *I* could think of. *Only* this brain could think of this idea: The Money Doctor.' So that's what I did."
* "Come into the office. Strip! Boy, that's a small winky you have! Put your clothes back on!"
* "I'm going to prescribe you these uh pills for your winky; make it less stinky and uh small. But um how are things uh financially? I looked up your uh credit rating and saw that it's plummeted. Are you going into debt?"
* "My hands are on the table; my one hand is on a gun now. Mhm. My other hand is on a crossbow pointed at your head."
* "For fuck's sake."
* [On the topic of the control chip that will be drilled into every doctor's head] "Josiah, this would be similar to the inhibitor chips on the clones! The inhibitor clips from *Attack of the Clones*! S-- And *Revenge of the Sith*! They have inhibitor chips so that they won't kill Jedi, but as soon as those chips are given the override when the Emperor gives the order - uh, Order 66 - those uh inhibitor chips are overridden and they will then uh, uh, kill Jedi on sight. So it would be similar to that sort of thing."
* [In response to Josiah suggesting that we go back to 'doctor' meaning you're a man and 'nurse' meaning you're a woman and then saying that it was just a thought] "I don't think that's necessary. I don't think that's necessary, Josiah. It's not a good th-- you don't need to share every thought. Unless we're talkin' T-H-*O*-T."
* "Josiah, you *need* cops, you *need* robbers."
* "I know we say, 'Abolish the police,' but there's robbers!"
* "We need robbers, still. How would you have a movie like uh *Ocean's Eleven* if you don't have robbers?"
* "*You're* the one who wants to get rid of women!"

## Trivia

* This episode would later be used as part of the world's first commentary track of a podcast episode, in The Money Doctor (Commentary Track), thereby also making this episode the world's first podcast episode to have a commentary track made for it.
	+ Note: Josiah and Drew reference the existence of the commentary track at multiple points throughout this episode, suggesting that they may have planned it in advance.
* Drew mistakenly refers to this episode as being number 87 during the recording of the episode.
* This is the second episode idea about reinvigorating the health care system, after Episode 29: World Wide Health Care.
* This is the second episode idea that involves drilling a hole into people's heads, after the augured frontal lobe light bulbs discussed in Episode 24: Ideas!.
* This is the second episode with the word 'Doctor' in the episode title, after Globe Hell Watches Doctor Chip.
* The video version of this episode is the second episode with a video version that is Episode 88, after the video version of Episode 77: World Wide War, which was titled "Episode 88: World Wide War".