Michael & the Monster

Michael & the Monster is the first story told in the podcast Astonishing Tales of the Highly Improbable. It consists of four episodes and tells the origin story of Michael the Post-Human.

## Part 1

Lloyd Allen gives a brief into, running an ad for Marcus' Mattresses. He does little to hide the fact that he is not impressed with their product. Lloyd then announces that Pablo Shaepra will be reading the story.

Michael's great-grandfather Corey grew up as a poor street kid in the city of Mistopia, who was the leader of a little gang comprising of Dokan, Greaster, Tab, and Gore. The group was captured by one of first sweeps of the "self worth initiative" and were trapped in cages in a large warehouse with a bunch of other street urchins. Macy joined the gang when Corey's gang teamed up with her to fight against older group of boys. It was a rough fight but they won, due to their ability to fight as a team and also because of Macy's skills with a knife. The next day, were all then sent across the sea to become "independent labor specialists" at an "agricultural initiative," effectively becoming indentured servants working to pay back the cost of their excessively high travel expenses.

They spent five long hard years working in the fields. Greaster discovered tiny gnome like creatures in the potato field, which he befriended. The creatures told the gang that they knew how to create a monster. The gang performed the ritual, Corey drew the short straw to be the blood sacrifice, but before he could do anything Dokan kissed Macy before slashing himself. The ritual was successful, and the monster created. It destroyed everything in its path as it made its way out, and nobody knew where the monster ended up. The workers escaped and ran. A group of that included Corey's gang walked for three weeks, built themselves a new home deep in the swamplands, and killed anyone from the outside world who ventured near.

Lloyd announces that each episode will end with a performance from a member of the New Albion Orchestra. The cover song for this episode is "Time to Pretend" by MGMT.

## Part 2

This episode's sponsor is Franny's Forgiveness and Ferns, prompting Lloyd to expresses a puzzlement over why people regret their actions, saying that when he does ill advised things he treats it as an opportunity to study what he did wrong so to not repeat the mistake. Lloyd mentions that his boyfriend is the type to beat himself up over something random he did without foresight that got him or others into trouble. Lloyd insists he is not a sociopath. He also mentions that he had to give back the money to Markus for last week's ad.

Michael grew up in the swamplands, in the village that was established by his great-grandparents Corey and Macy. Michael happened to be born in a time when there were no other kids that were close to his age, so he didn't have any friends and spent a lot of time wandering the swamps by himself. People still told stories about the Great Escape, but the details had gotten so far removed from the truth that Michael didn't recognize the monster for what it was when he discovered it. Michael befriended the monster in secret. Nobody in the village knew, but Michael was being observed by gnomes.

Two people disappeared in two weeks, which was unusually frequent, and Michael became worried that his monster was the culprit. He went to go check in with his monster friend, but an older kid came across the two of them. The kid screamed and threw stones at the monster, causing its primal instincts to kick in, and the monster attacked the kid in a mad frenzy. Michael started screaming and hitting the monster, who just cried sadly. Michael ran away to his parents and told them everything. A neighbor came up, telling of a black monster who had just taken another villager, and Michael ran off to find the monster. He found the monster carrying a man over his shoulder, and Michael followed them into a tunnel which lead to the gnomes' subterranean city.

The episode concludes with a cover song of "Ashes of American Flag" by Wilco

## Part 3

"Henlo" Lloyd says to begin the episode. He explains that's what the kids say these days, because the kids are stupid. He launches into an ad for Agnus' Bookstore, adding that Agnus is a capable witch who someones offers tarot readings. Lloyd says that a tarot play is the best way to get an accurate divination, but he does seem genuinely impressed with Agnus' books, saying that she has a large collection that are certainly not from this timeline. Taking after her mother, Agnus has a interest in witchcraft and thivery, pulling off successful heists from the Akashic Monastery. Lloyd explains that the Monastery is in the Collective Unconsciousness, and that the librarians there are super dimensional beings (not humans and not angels), and that they are from dimensions above Elysium, before realizing he is off topic and transitions to the story.

Michael climbed down the tunnel, which began to be covered by little beads of phosphorescence and became undeniably beautiful. Eventually the tunnel led into a cavern, and Michael entered the gnomes' city which was covered in phosphorescence and mushrooms making up otherworldly architecture and designs. He followed the monster along a path that twisted along like a roller coaster, and he realized he was trapped in an alien world and he would never be able to find his way out. The gnomes paid him no mind, and they continued chanting. Michael was breathing microscopic spores from the mushrooms, he was disoriented and full of existential terror, and he was beginning to go mad.

The monster dumped the body in the center of the room, which was covered with ritualistic drawings and a hypnotic mandala on the fall wall. The gnomes stood in a semi-circle and started chanting and singing and cutting the man with a hundred tiny cuts. The gnomes mixed the blood in a cauldron, and then fed the man a cup from the cauldron, causing him to threw up. The gnomes leapt on the man and covered him, and the cavern was filled with buzzing and thunderous noise and a blinding light. When Michael could see again, there was a new monster, which the gnomes mounted with a saddle. The song crescendoed into a scream, and the mandala exploded into a window into another realm. The gnomes cracked the reigns on the new monster, and they ran forward and entered the window. Michael followed them into The Metaverse, a realm far more insane than the one he was in.

An "invaluable member of the New Albion Orchestra" ends the episode with a cover performance of "Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots Part 1" by The Flaming Lips

## Part 4

Lloyd introduces this episode's sponsor, Lewis' Lamps and Lanterns. He wonders if light bulbs have been invented in New Albion yet, and describes another narrative he has been that uses fairy flies, which are made of dragonfly like creatures trapped inside of glass orbs. Lloyd makes it clear that they are not made of actual sentient fairies, and declares that he is very pro-fairy, adding that if there was a war between the fairies and the humans, he would side with the fairies every damn time. The Sentient Room is seemingly upset about the treatment of the creatures trapped in the fairy flies, and Lloyd explains that he couldn't have gone around breaking every fairy fly in sight without drawing attention to himself. Lloyd has never been a vegetarian, and says he doesn't discriminate in his choice of meat, and human meat is as viable as any other. Lloyd has never heard of vore, and says human tastes like pork.

Michael is now in the metaverse, his mind overwhelmed and his sanity cracking. He scrambled to keep up with the monster, but the monster and the gnomes disappeared into another dimension and Michael was unable to follow. He screamed and snapped, and eventually he fell asleep. When he woke up, he was still floating in this strange place. He started trying to work out how to move, and learned that pretending to fly resulted in the actual ability to fly. The more he believed in the success of an action, the better he could perform it. This world was filled with strange shadows and creatures and odd voices, and Michael was sure that he was going mad. Finally, he found a tower in the distance, floating at an angle, and it kept shifting its appearance.

Michael headed to the tower, and he entered the door and found that the tower was built for creatures of different heights than humans. The twisting architecture did not follow any dimensional logic and rooms had machinery and panels that Michael couldn't make sense out of. Finally he found a sign with an arrow that read "this way human friend," and he followed it to a room with a mural depicting The Lost Ones. He also found a notebook, and he read an invitation to join a paradise for transcendents, built in subreality to be connected to the outer wall of Elysium. There was also a promise of a grimoire written by William with details on transcendents. The notebook had descriptions of the Lost Ones, and mentions of the metaverse and narratives and watchtowers, and a call to join them in the subreality they were creating, but the page describing the directions of how to get there had been torn out. Michael sat alone in the tower and wondered what to do next.

The final cover song for the set episodes on Michael's story is "Delicate" by Damien Rice