Cough Man

**Cough Man** is the former Vice Satan of Hell, an avid jenkem enthusiast, and the former Governor Of Kektuncy. He founded the town of Kaufman, Texas, and the county of Rockcastle, Texas. He has been arrested by the police at least 73 times since 1997. He founded the Cough Man Company and is the company's current (and permanent) CEO.

### Aliases

Rusty, FlyingSpaceWorm, FlyingSpaceWeenie, القمامة الفعلية.

### Relatives

Nelly Ivis - MotherFidel Castro - Father

Angela Merkel - Sister

## Early Life

Cough Man was born in a shack in Ding Dong, Texas on April 3, 1976. Due to his hideousness, he was immediately stuffed into an Army Foot Locker, which he lived in for 2 years before it caught on fire, which cough man was able to escape. When he was 7, cough man had his first hit of Jenkem, which he instantly became addicted to. After failing the 3rd grade, cough man moved to Pee Pee township, Ohoe, and became a Jenkem Salesman.

### Species

Cough Man has stated that he is a human-panda hybrid, despite his mother, Nelly Ivis, being a sheep, and not a panda. It was unknown for years how Cough Man ended up this way, but in 2023, Nelly admitted that, during copulation, she forgot for a moment what species she was, leading her to believe she was a panda. Thus, Cough Man was cursed to be a human-panda hybrid.

## Adult Life

In 1994 , Cough man moved back to Texas, and decided to buy several plots of land to expand his weed industry. In 1996, A man came up to cough man and asked if he could use the land to found a city. Coughman responded to this question by immediately shooting the man. Cough man then decided to found his own city, Which was planned to be named "Coughman" due to his coughing issue, but because he was illiterate, he named it "Kaufman". This was also the time where he started to be called "Cough Man", as his coughing problem worsened for a short time. He also founded the County of Rockcastle, which still is the number one exporter of weed in Texas.

## First Arrest (1997)

On May 3, 1997, Cough Man was arrested by the Rockcastle County Sheriff on 32 counts of owning a turkey without a license. He was sentenced to 3 seconds in the Alcatraz 2 Federal Penitentiary in Monowi, NE. His time in prison is theorized to be where he started his descent into Insanity.

## Vice Satan (2001-2020)

After failing to become mayor of his own city, Cough Man decided to run for satan in the 2001 elections. Although he pledged to give everyone weed, he still lost, not even getting 1 vote. He managed to become vice satan by giving the new satan 8378374627369854750934 pounds of weed. The only thing of importance that he did as vice is blow up Bismarck, ND.

## Weather Weenie Controversy

Cough man has been called a weather weenie on multiple occasions, some even calling him "FlyingSpaceWeenie", a mockery of his current discord username. On May 4, 2020, Cough Man revealed that he had gone to rehab to help him with his weenie-ing. However, people still call him a weenie to this day. He has stated "The years of being called a weenie has deteriorated my mental state so much".

## Death Hoax

On January 2, 2017, Cough Man went on a vacation to Oklahomuh city, Oklahomuh. He did this with no warning, leading to people thinking he had been kidnapped. A tabloid magazine called "Totally not fake news magazine" released an article claiming that Cough Man was killed due to a jenkem overdose. Cough Man himself finally came out and announced that we was still alive, and revealed that he was immune to all drug related illnesses.

## Death and Resurrection

On June 8, 2020, Cough Man was arrested and found guilty of abusing his Ferret, Wheatley. Cough Man was sentenced to death by falling anvil (see *Rebabone Special)*, and died at 6:34 PM CDT on June 8, 2020. Due to his crimes, he was immediately sent to hell for all eternity. However, He made a deal with the devil which would allow Cough Man to be resurrected and become immortal. The downside was that Cough Man had to eat at a buffalo wild wings once every week for the rest of time. Cough Man was then resurrected on June 11 after being in hell for 3 days.

During his death, Wheatley took over Cough Man's role on the Rebabone City Council and became the CEO of the Cough Man Company. After Cough Man's resurrection, he walked all the way back from his execution site in Rebabone to the Cough Man Company's HQ in Kaufman, where he proceeded to throw Wheatley into a massive container of marijuana, taking back his position as the CEO . He then walked back to Rebabone to forcefully take back his job on the city council. Wheatley was missing for years until he was found in a jar of weed that was stored in a damp closet in beautiful Washington State. Wheatley swore to exact his revenge on Cough Man, Rebabone, and the rest of humanity, and this would culminate into the *Catgirl Wheatley Apocalypse.*

## Belly Inflation

Cough Man despises belly inflation. On March 1, 2020, Cough Man stated on Twitter, "I love guzzling cum and jenkem every single day but if there's one thing I don't love, it's belly inflation. I would rather never eat Wingstop than like belly inflation. Fuck y'all." Due to inflation being the official religion of Kektuncy, Cough Man has been ostracized for this opinion. He has received numerous death threats from Belly Inflation activists and at least 8 assassination attempts have been carried out on him. As the Governor of Kektuncy, Cough Man tried to ban belly inflation, but he quickly reversed this decision as the bill not only didn't pass the Kektuncy legislature, but also was met with so much backlash that Rebabone was nearly burned down by protesters. Only one representative agreed with Cough Man on his ruling, Eleanor Benson VI, whose hatred of belly inflation is nearly on the levels of Cough Man himself. Cough Man has never stated his opinions on belly inflation since his tenure as Governor, as he "fears for his safety." Cough Man is still hated by hardcore belly inflation activists in the Midwest.