Villains For Hire

Rodr33, an insane and former EPF Agent, aspires to become one of Antarctica's most feared villains. Knowing he'll likely need help and support to get there, Rodr searches to find other aspiring villains who chase similar dreams. Alongside his brother Rodr11, Rodr33 begins thinking of the best way to make a name for himself.

## Prologue

It was a perfectly regular day in the city of Crookharbor, with business bustling around as usual. Pickpockets and thieves slipped in between crowds while mercenaries waddled around, looking for potential business.

Meanwhile, a black feathered penguin with a dark beanie weaved through the passer-bys, waddling in the opposite direction of the general crowd.

As soon as he approached a building named "XTUX and Austin.Inc", he suddenly turned towards a secluded and empty alleyway. The penguin made several twists and turns, and after navigating this maze of grimy alleyways and streets, arrived at a metal door. He pulled open and locked the door behind him, and descended down a flight of steps.

At the bottom, the stairs opened into a large, stony looking basement where a penguin sat at a wooden desk. The walls and the desk itself were crowded with blueprints of designs, maps, and other miscellaneous junk.

The black feathered penguin approached the penguin at the desk, who seemed to be muttering and cackling to himself about whatever he was working on. Judging by the metallic noises, it must have been some sort of machine.

Rodr11: Uh...brother?

The penguin at the desk stopped laughing and turned around. He had a blue headband around his head and an eyepatch covering his right eye.

Rodr33: Ah, there you are, brother! Just in time to witness my latest creation. **BEHOLD!**

Rodr33 grabbed whatever it was that he was working on and held it up for his brother to see. It was a hollow metal box with several stringy wires sticking out.

Rodr33: The *Engine of Sickness*. Mark I.

Rodr11 backed away warily.

Rodr11: That looks like an exposed microwave...

Rodr33: That's because it is! I've turned it into my own makeshift nausea-inducing device. Anyone subject to its effects should feel a long lasting dizziness!

Rodr11: And you're positive that this works?

Rodr33: Well, I haven't tested it yet. In fact, why don't we try it out now?

Rodr11: Wait, wait, WAIT—!

Unfortunately, Rodr33 had already activated the makeshift microwave, forcing Rodr11 to dive sideways to avoid the microwave's range. A light lit up inside the microwave, and it began to hum. Buzzing and crackling noises could be heard.

Rodr33: Hm. You see that, brother? Perfectly functional! Nothing to worry about!

***ZZZZZZZT!***

Sparks flew from the microwave.

Rodr33: Well, mostly.

**BOOM!**

The microwave burst into a shower of bright flames and sparks, while smoke poured from its vents. It fell off of the table and crashed, scattering into numerous broken components. Rodr11 rushed to hastily stamp the flames out.

Rodr33 sighed.

Rodr33: Back to scratch, I suppose.

He rummaged around in the smoking heap of scrap and metal, pulling out wires and parts at random.

Rodr33: I'll conquer this continent someday, brother. Someday.

He began assembling the pieces, putting random pieces together.

Rodr11: Don't you think it'd be easier if-

Rodr33: Not now, brother. Let me concentrate!

Rodr11: Right, sorry. Just wondering if a team or something would make things easier.

Rodr33 stopped meddling with the microwave parts and thought for a moment.

Rodr33: Hm. A team, you say?

Rodr11: Well, yeah. More people would make it easier, wouldn't it?

Rodr33: Yeah, I guess you're right. I should make a company of some sort. In fact, I'll start right now! Brother, pass me some paper. I'll make some flyers.

Rodr11: I—oh, uh, okay then.

Rodr33: And some glue, while you're at it. But what could I name this company?

Rodr11: I mean, there are other options too. We might not even need a team. We could be like those bounty hunters. Like villains for hire. We could even call ourselves "Villains for Hire".

Rodr33: Hmm...villains for hire...Ink! I need ink, get me the—

Rodr33 suddenly gasped.

Rodr33: Wait...I've thought of the perfect name! Villains For Hire, Inc! I'm a GENIUS!

Rodr11 looked somewhat exasperated.

Rodr11: Oh yeah, sure. You *definitely* made that name all by yourself. Congrats.

Rodr33: Why, thank you brother! Now quick, fetch me that ink. Let's get to work.

## Chapter 1: Criminals Unite

The two brothers then set out the next day, hanging up flyers and posters, advertising the creation of "Villains For Hire, Inc". As sunset approached, the two returned home.

Rodr11 sat down at the old, box-like computer in the corner of the room, checking for emails while Rodr33 paced around in circles.

Rodr33: Any word yet?

Rodr11: Well, I did receive some emails regarding the poster.

Rodr33: Excellent! So we have our first members.

Rodr11: They said they'd all be here by 7pm, like you wanted.

Rodr33: Good, good. Now we wait...

*Knock knock knock.*

Rodr33: BROTHER! Answer the door!

Rodr11: Yeah, yeah, I'm coming!

After an hour or so of waiting, the brothers had a visitor, which they could only presume was the first new member of the company.

Rodr11 unlocked the door.

Greetings.

Standing in front of him was a shiny silver robot, in the shape of a penguin. The robot extended a metal flipper, rather stiffly.

Robot: My designation is BONK-1.

Rodr11: Uh, yeah. Welcome.

Rodr11 shook BONK-1's flipper.

BONK-1: I calculate that this is the location of "Villains For Hire, Inc."?

Rodr11: Er, yes. Just come inside.

BONK-1: Affirmative.

BONK-1 then descended the steps into the basement, clanking and whirring with every movement while Rodr11 followed behind. Rodr33 looked pleased.

Rodr11: This is BONK-1. He says that he specializes in calculating, determining probability of success, and is equipped with a fully weaponized system. He's not exactly sure what he was originally created for, though.

BONK-1: Activating weapons system.

BONK-1's body opened up in several places, revealing gun barrels, lasers, and other dangerous-looking weapons.

Rodr33: Perfect! You'll come in very handy, I think.

Rodr11: BONK-1 is here, so that means we're only waiting on-

*Knock knock knock.*

Rodr33: Ah, that must be them. Get to it, brother!

Rodr11 waddled back up to the door and opened it.

?????: Is this Villains For Hire, Inc.?

Standing in front of him was a penguin in a ninja suit. He wore a purple belt, and a matching purple ninja mask.

Rodr11: Yes, yes it is.

Rodr33 rushed up the stairs to meet the ninja.

Rodr33: Excellent! Another one has arrived...

Rodr11: I believe that this one is Scythe. A trained ninja looking to become an assassin. He was never able to earn his black belt from Sensei, though.

Scythe grumbled and crossed his flippers.

Scythe: Card-Jitsu was never about skill. *Never*.

????: Ey! Down here, lads!

All three of them looked down to a puffle wearing a dark red hat. Strangest of all, the puffle had a slightly darker red coat of fur.

Puffle: The name's Draco. Draco Cypher. Is this Villains For Hire Inc.?

Rodr33: Why, yes it is.

Scythe: Wait, you're-

Draco: Not, a red puffle, no. I'm a *crimson* puffle.

Rodr33: I see. And what can you do?

Draco grinned.

Draco: Simple, mate.

Draco's entire body suddenly turned a shiny and reflective silver. After a few seconds, he returned back to his crimson-coloured self.

Draco: I'm a crimson puffle, which means I can turn myself into a strong metal form at will. I'm good with weapons, and can also serve as a leader, if you like.

Rodr33: Yes, yes, YES! It's all coming together...come inside, both of you.

The two of them stepped inside, while Rodr11 shut the door.

Scythe: Is this the whole team?

Rodr11: Well we're still waiting on one more. A certain person named "Crabbe the Snapper". According to the email, they're a well-trained fighter, an excellent hacker and a master escapist.

Rodr33: Interesting...

Draco: Sounds promising.

Scythe: So where is this "Crabbe the Snapper"?

*knock knock knock.*

BONK-1: Detecting low-decibel noise.

Scythe: I heard it too. It's the door.

Draco: It must be Snapper, then.

Rodr33: Well, brother? Go open it, then!

Rodr11 pulled the door open once again.

*Click click!*

Rodr11: Huh?

The others all crowded around behind Rodr11 and looked down at the source of the noise. It was a small scarlet-coloured crab. An even smaller yellow starfish was stuck on its front.

Scythe: That's not Snapper. What's this crab doing here?

Crab: *Click click click! Click!*

BONK-1's eyes began flashing red.

BONK-1: Translating...

Rodr11: What's it saying?

BONK-1's eyes stopped flashing.

BONK-1: The crustacean states that it received your message and is here to join the Villains For Hire Inc.

Draco: Wait, you're telling us that *this* little whipper-snapper here is...well...Snapper?

Crab: *CLICK! CLICK!*

BONK-1: According to him, yes.

Scythe: You can't be serious.

Rodr11: This crab? Crabbe the Snapper...? Oh. Wait a minute-

Rodr33: Great! This is great! Now that everyone's here, let's plan for our first mission. Its time we prove we're more than what we seem...

Snapper: *Click!*

The members of Villains For Hire Inc. all took a seat around a table in the basement.

Draco: Alrighty, so any ideas on where exactly it is that we start?

Scythe: We burn down the Dojo? or Nightlife City. That's the hub of all ninjas in the country.

Rodr11: Maybe we could hunt down and capture someone? Like a mayor or a businessperson or something.

Snapper: *Click click click!*

BONK-1: Snapper states that we could attempt to steal a nearby convoy of valuable resources.

Draco: Eh? What're you on about?

Snapper made a series of clicks and noises with his claws, which BONK-1 began translating.

BONK-1: A train is expected to arrive in the city of Aquarius within 3 days carrying several carts worth of cargo to later distribute and sell. It is said to be carrying contained radioactive metals such as uranium and plutonium, among other items such as silver, Ditto, and deletion crystals.

Rodr11: Sounds reasonable. We could make a lot of money if we took it...

Snapper made more clicking noises.

BONK-1: However, Snapper says that there will be a squadron of guards present, as well as a helicopter. My calculations predict a 66% chance of success.

Scythe: Seems worth the risk.

Draco: I agree, mate.

Rodr33: I like it! Do we all agree to this, then?

BONK-1: Affirmative.

Snapper clicked in agreement.

Draco: We could probably sell the items onto the Black Market for money. I know a few lads who'd be willing to pay a large price for it.

Rodr11: It's settled then.

Scythe: But how exactly will this all work? We don't have a plan.

Rodr33 cackled.

Rodr33: Leave it to me.

## Chapter 2: Night Heist

A train snaked its way through the blizzard that consumed the heavily snow-coated Trans-Antarctican mountains. The sky was dark and cloudy, rendering the surrounding landscape almost entirely obscure.

Two helicopters flew overhead, closely following the train and shining their bright spotlights over the area.

***POOF.***

A small plume of snow and flames exploded upwards near the side of the train, causing a bank of snow to cascade downwards. While the snow didn't reach the railroad and the train continued onwards, the two helicopters suddenly turned their spotlight on the small avalanche.

While this happened, a figure landed onto the top of the driver's train with a clang. Another smaller figure crawled off his back.

BONK-1: Snapper and I have successfully landed on the train's driver compartment. The helicopters were successfully distracted.

Draco (radio): Nice one.

Rodr33 cackled over the radio link.

Rodr33 (radio): Good. You know the rest.

Meanwhile, inside the front car of the train, the driver was navigating the railroad ahead of him, whistling quietly to himself.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt.

Driver: Huh?

Just as the driver looked away to try and locate the sound, the compartment door swung open, revealing a robotic penguin with a small scarlet crab on his back.

Driver: What the-?

BONK-1: Activating shock mechanism.

Driver: **AAAAAHHH!**

BONK-1 placed a robotic flipper on the train driver, who suddenly recoiled and slumped onto the floor unconscious as arcs of bright electricity sprouted out of him. BONK-1 then opened the door outside and dropped the driver into a bank of snow.

Snapper leapt of his back, scuttled across the floor onto the control panel. After a few moments of examining it, he twirled and twiddled several knobs, flipped several switches and pushed buttons. The whole train began to slow down.

BONK-1: Infiltration successful. You may began boarding the vehicle.

Guard 1: The train's stopping?

Guard 2: It's probably nothing. The choppers must have spotted something ahead. Maybe a herd of wild puffles blocking the path.

Guard 3: The cargo. Is it secure?

Guard 4: I'll go ahead and check.

**BANG!**

The door at the front of the train car burst open.

Rodr33: Heh heh! No you wont!

Scythe landed next to Rodr33, and threw a handful of small, round items at the guards. They all split open with loud and long hisses, spewing large clouds of purple gas everywhere. The guards began heaving and coughing as the whole car filled up with the gas.

Rodr33: Those are concentrated gas bombs created from extracting the fumes of Cream Soda. Courtesy of yours truly, of course.

The guards began to stagger back and collapse.

Guard 1: \*cough cough\* Who-?

Rodr33: Learn to fear the tyranny of Villains For Hire, Inc!

Rodr11 appeared behind his brother.

Rodr11: That phrase...doesn't really stick well...

Rodr33: Eh, it'll take some getting used to. It has a nice ring to it, though.

Rodr33 slammed the door shut to the guard's compartment and pulled out a blowtorch before welding the door shut.

Scythe pulled out a sharp metal katana and struck the coupling linking the guards' train compartment to the rest of the train, which was in fact located at the very end. The coupling shattered almost instantly.

The helicopters turned around an instantly noticed the ruckus.

Rodr33: Snapper, we're clear to go! Start the train! Full speed!

Snapper (radio): *Click click!*

The three of them hopped onto the main train as it started to move, picking up speed while leaving the uncoupled guard car behind. The helicopters began to follow the train, shining their bright spotlights down on the band of criminals.

Scythe: Great.

Rodr33: Uh, we need some help! Draco!? BONK-1!?

Draco (radio): On it!

A few moments later, they heard the sound of gunshots. Bullets whizzed past them towards the helicopters, which dodged around them.

Draco (radio): They keep moving, I can't get them!

BONK-1 (radio): Allow me to be of assistance.

Seconds later, the criminals heard the sound of an engine. BONK-1 flew over their heads, his arm transformed into a laser gun. His back had opened up, revealing a built-in jet pack.

BONK-1 (radio): Target locked.

The laser gun fired a single, bright blue bead of energy, which struck the helicopter directly in the side, hitting the engine. The copter spun out of control, before crashing into the side of a mountain behind them.

The other helicopter flew ahead, trying to dodge BONK-1's lasers.

Rodr33: That should be it. If we're lucky, we should be on the way back to Crookharbor in no time!

***BOOM!***

Draco (radio): Yeah, I don't know so much about that, mate.

BONK-1 (radio): Warning. The helicopter has crashed and destroyed part of the railroad bridge ahead.

Rodr11: Uh, I don't think we anticipated a helicopter potentially crashing a bridge ahead while we're travelling over 60 miles per hour on a runaway train in the planning process.

Scythe: Oh, you don't say!

Rodr33: Snapper, slow down the train!

Snapper (radio): *Click CLICK CLICK!*

BONK-1 (radio): He states that we won't be able to slow down in time to avoid the bridge. We have a limited amount of time before the train reaches the collapsed bridge. Estimated time: 58 seconds.

Rodr33: QUICK, GRAB AS MUCH AS YOU CAN AND LEAVE!

The criminals subsequently looted as much of the cargo as they could, storing and taking as much as they could carry.

BONK-1 (radio): I detect a port not far away. If we survive the incoming destruction, we can take a boat back to Crookharbor. We also have 32 seconds left until impact.

The bridge was now visible ahead of them. It was a viaduct-like structure, and had collapsed midway, still smoking from the helicopter crash.

Rodr33: Everyone out! NOW!

The train had slowed down enough for all of them to leap off and land mostly unharmed into the snow. Seconds after Snapper leapt out of the driver's car and into the snow, the train reached the bridge.

As soon as it met the mid-way point, it flew off the rails, colliding with the beam of the bridge.

**CRASH!**

The entire series of train cars exploded spectacularly, in clouds of bright greens, yellows, reds and neon purple.

The members of Villains For Hire, Inc. all stood up and stared in awe at the resulting explosion.

Draco: Well that was a bust, eh?

## Chapter 3: Villains Number One

***Cargo train crashes as railroad bridge collapses in Trans-Antarctic mountains, culprits still at large***

Draco: Ey, look at this! We made the news!

Snapper: *Click!*

After a short journey to the river mouth, the criminals of Villains For Hire, Inc. had managed to steal a fishing boat and return to Crookharbor unharmed.

Draco tossed the newspaper onto the table. The others took a look at it before passing it around.

Rodr11: *Although the culprits escaped, an interview with a guard involved says the culprits addressed themselves as the "Villains For Hire, Inc."*

Rodr33 suddenly burst through the door, cackling. He was carrying a bag full of something.

Rodr33: Everyone! Come check this out! I sold the valuables at the market.

He tossed it on the ground and unzipped it. Inside it were thick wads of banknotes.

Rodr33: All thanks to us. But mostly thanks to me, of course.

Rodr11: Whoa.

Draco: We're all getting a fair share of this cash, aren't we?

BONK-1: Scanning contents... About 75,650 Fish worth of money. Divided between our members, we each get $12,608.3 each.

Scythe: Glad to see we got something out of that fiasco.

Rodr11: At this rate, we could make more money than Mission Transaction ever made...

Rodr33: Quite right, brother. And even more!

Scythe: So, what next?