Clone Commentary

The tree, that blonde guy, and that fat green kid are kidnapped by a group of whack-ass DVD making clones. Only two of them will escape.

## Transcript

*{Open to where we left off last episode; Professor Clerman (who, for the sake of time, will now be called Clerman) is on top of Space Tree, who is laying down)*

**CLERMAN:** This is the part of the job I hate. Stealing money from dead people. Just kidding- this is the best part. *(He sticks his hand into Space Tree's branches)*

**SPACE TREE:** I think you'll find me to be not only walletless, but also booby-trapped.

**CLERMAN:** Say what? OW! *(His hand gets caught in a bear trap)* My corpse-robbing hand!

**BUCKETHEAD:** Hey, what the hell's going on here? I shot you guys in the general chest area. *(Holds up a GCA diagram)* You're supposed to be dead right now.

**COMMANDER:** *(Holding up a pen from last episode)* Yeah, well, lucky for us, we each had one of these ballpoint pens right in our front pockets, which gave the bullets something to ricochet off of.

**BUCKETHEAD:** Oh, what a load of crap.

*(Cut to Allon, clutching his bleeding chest)*

**ALLON:** Uh, actually... I didn't have one of those pens with me...

*(He slumps over, apparently dead; Space Tree walks in front of him)*

**SPACE TREE:** Shut up, Allon. Look, guys, I don't know that the deal with shooting us was, but we just wanna fix our ship and get outta here.

**CLERMAN:** Oh, that's all right. We already fixed it. We really don't have much else to do around here.

**SPACE TREE:** Oh. Thanks. Well... we'll be goin' then.

**CLERMAN:** Oh, no you don't. I'm afraid now that you've seen us, we can't let you leave.

**SPACE TREE:** Shut up.

**COMMANDER:** Oh no, Space Tree! We better do what they say! *(Fakes being scared)* HA! *(he leaps over to the ship entrance)* So long- *(his arm gets caught in the door)* suckers!

*(roll opening credits)*

*Cut to Space Tree and Commander in the Clerman's "prison", with the other clones guarding it)*

**COMMANDER:** This is the worst prison I've ever been in. There aren't even any bars.

**CLERMAN:** Well, these guys know what to do if you try to escape. *(Cut to GUARD POST A and GUARD POST 1, monitored by other clones.) You don't have a pen to save you this time.*

**COMMANDER:** ...What, are you guys brothers or something?

**CLERMAN:** Er, something like that.

**SPACE TREE:** Wait a minute! Aren't you guys the Clerman clones?

**CLERMAN:** You've heard of us?

**SPACE TREE:** Heard of you?! Your show was awesome! Didn't you see my badge? *(A closeup on Space Tree reveals a giant CLERMAN FANCLUB MEMBER #00002 badge)*

**CLERMAN:** Uh, no, I guess I missed it.

**SPACE TREE:** *(The badge is gone)* Well, I never take it off.

**CLERMAN:** So you mean you're an actual *fan*? Well, then, what the hell am I doing imprisoning you? Let's go get a drink!

*(they walk away happily)*

**COMMANDER:** Hey, wait, guys! I'm a huge fan, too! I love the Cosby Clones!

**SPACE TREE:** It's *Clerman* Clones, you \*\*\*hole!

**COMMANDER:** Oh, well, gee whiz! I'm sorry I'm not a total NERD like you, Nerd Tree! I didn't realize that we were in Nazi Germany here! Y'know?

*(they ignore him)*

**SPACE TREE:** Yeah, so, when's that Clerman Clones DVD coming out?

**CLERMAN:** Well, we happen to have one in production on this island! In fact, you should come with us and help us do the audio commentary!

**SPACE TREE:** Well, gosh-darn! What the heck-a-roo are we waiting for?

*(transition screen; a big ST appears)*

**PERSON:** Spaaaaa-ii-aace Treeee-eeee!

*(cut to Space Tree, Clerman, and Buckethead performing the audio commentary)*

**SPACE TREE:** Yep, this right here is classic Clerman Clones. CCC.

**CLERMAN:** Yes, there's a funny story about this episode. The network actually cancelled the show shortly after filming it, then me, this guy *[Buckethead]*, and these 4 other clones went there and killed everyone who worked at the network. And then, of course, we came down to this island to hide out from the cops. *(sighs)* Good times.

**BUCKETHEAD:** Man, don't tell him that. Now we definitely have to kill him.

**CLERMAN:** Oh, come on. It's not really necessary.

**BUCKETHEAD:** Yeah, well, you *never* think it's necessary unless it's someone you hate, you douchebag.

**CLERMAN:** Well, I hate you, so why don't I just shoot *YOU* in the face? Oh, wait, I can't, because you've got that stupid-ass bucket on your head!

**BUCKETHEAD:** I told you, It's not a bucket, it's- hey, where'd that tree guy go?

*(We see Space Tree is gone, cut to the prison)*

**SPACE TREE:** Come quick, Commander! I poisoned the guards' wine, so let's get on the ship and get out of here!

**COMMANDER:** Oh, you really wanna leave your gay boyfriends in the Clerman Clan?

**SPACE TREE:** I'll just watch the bootlegged DVD at home. Come on!

*(They run off, cut to the two of them at the ship)*

**CLERMAN:** Hold it right there! Can I come, too?

**SPACE TREE:** Seriously?

**CLERMAN:** Yes! Do you know how annoying this place is, stuck here with 5 clones of myself and the only TV show we can watch is the one that we're in? This place sucks!

**COMMANDER:** You can't come. The last thing we need are more space police following us. The only people getting on this ship are me, the tree, and maybe the green kid. Now, let's go!

**SPACE TREE:** Uh, I'm sorry, but unfortunately he's right. Sorry, Clermie.

*(they board the ship)*

**CLERMAN:** And maybe the green kid, EH?...

*(cut to Space Tree's ship, now in space; "It's later now")*

**SPACE TREE:** Well, that escape was easier that I expected.

**COMMANDER:** And so ends another adventure of the Commander, the tree, and the green kid. Speaking of which, where is Allon?

**SPACE TREE:** I hope he's still down on that island.

**CLERMAN:** No, I'm right here!

*(We see Clerman, wearing Allon's hat, and wearing an "Allon" nametag)*

**CLERMAN:** Don't you see this hat that I'm wearing? I? Being Allon? Because that's who I am, Allon. I am Allon. *(Holds up I AM ALLON sign.)*

**SPACE TREE:** Yeah, we know who we are, Allon. Geez. You're a piece of crap, is what you are.

**CLERMAN:** ... Or am I?

**SPACE TREE:** What?

**CLERMAN:** Uh, nothing.

**COMMANDER:** He said "or am I?". What, are you deaf *and* fat? I swear, Space Tree, I-

*(Wristwatch alarm goes off, same as his ringtone)*

**COMMANDER:** Oh! You know what that alarm means! It's time!

**SPACE TREE:** Time for what?

**COMMANDER:** *(Starts dancing/singing)* Time for everyone to do the space da-aaance!

*(Roll end credits)*

## Fun Facts

The picture the Commander points to when discussing the ricochet of the bullet off his pen is a reference to the JFK assassination.

## Easter Eggs

* At the end screen click on the hidden flashing **?** to see an extra scene with Allon without his hat and the Clerman with a bucket on his head.

### **Easter Egg Transcript**

**ALLON:** Hey guys, I got that bullet out of my chest and I'm ready to escape. *Looks around* Hey, where'd everybody go?

**BUCKETHEAD:** *(Walks up)* Hey kid, are you hungry?

**ALLON:** Uh, a little, why?

**BUCKETHEAD:** Well I'm hungry too and we're running low on food here. So, uh, do you see where I'm going with this? Got my knife and fork here!

**ALLON:** \*Sighs\* Just uh, start with the arms.

**BUCKETHEAD:** Allright, let me go get some salt.