Moving In With An Oblivious Yandere

Yandere Girlfriend introduces her boyfriend to their new house, previously owned by another family.

## Transcript

Oh hey... you're up. Did you have a good sleep? Yeah, Benadryl will do that to you. How did you get out of the basement?

**Tsundere:** Don't tell me this is the one you've been running around the country with. The one you made me get the fake passport for?

And what if it is? Don't you care about my happiness? I don't know how you expect me to commit to our band if I'm fully miserable. Hmm? What- what was that my love, my- my angel, my sweet sugar plum baby? What did you say? Oh yeah, I'm- I'm in a band now. Yeah, we're really good!

**Tsundere:** Yeah, it's called Shack Palette. ...Shack Palette. Ugh, he doesn't know the reference. Okay, you know what? I'm going to leave you to do your babysitting or whatever it is that you do, babe. I'll talk to you later.

Sure, bye! ...Babysitting? She's so silly. I love her, but she doesn't understand how special our connection is. No? Such a shame. The band? Oh yeah, it's gonna be really big. One of the band members has a rich dad so she's going to get him to cover the marketing. Yeah. Don't be surprised if you see our faces in Times Square sometime soon! Hmm? My face on billboards? Yeah, that's the idea!

Oh... oh, yes, technically I am still in hiding... Hmm... Well I guess I didn't think about that part. Oh well! I'll cross that bridge and/or set that car on fire when I get to it. Now you come here. You. Come here.

I'm too tired from band practice to play kiss-chase with you today, so you better do as I say. ...That's what I thought. Good boy. Now I don't know how you got out of there... Hmm... This is loose... Let me just fix that for you. There we go. Good job, good job.

You know, I was hoping to surprise you with my band activities but, uh, nevermind. Well since you're up I suppose it's about time I show you around our new home! Yeah! Come on. Hold my hand.

So... ta-da! Here it is. Yeah, this is the kitchen. Yes I've managed to paint one wall green so far but I need your help to do the re- don't touch that. What are you doing? Sit down. Good boys keep their hands to themselves and don't reach for random knives in the kitchen.

No arms for you today, hmm... Now you're back to being a little caterpillar, little glow worm doll, little amogus... Yeah! That's what you look like right now with your arms tied down, silly! Very silly boy!

Anyway, I filled all these fruit bowls with limes just like Dakota Johnson's set dressers did in her architectural digest video. Yes, I was watching it while you were asleep. One eye on the screen... One eye on you... {singing} I can't take my eyes off of you! {talking} and I made lavender lemonade! Yeah!

Here, here my- my little lamb, my little cherry blossom baby, here you are. Here you wanna try it for yourself? Here's a little straw since you have had your arm privileges revoked for the day, you silly imposter. What do you think? Do you like it? Do you love it?

Now I don't have any sugar in the house and I don't know the wi-fi code so I just tried to remember the recipe from when I last read it, um, so that drink is basically just water with lavender in it. Yeah.

But do you love it? Do you? Oh, good! Oh, we're going to have such a great time turning this house that used to belong to some random suburban family of four into our home! Oh I'm so excited! Oh, yeah...

Let me show you the master bedroom... Not that you'll be seeing it all that often. Here it is. Yeah I think once I take down all these random family photos it's going to feel really homely. Uh-huh. I was thinking of putting my telescope over by that window. Yeah. Yes, I have a telescope. How do you think I found you? Oh anyway the ensuite's over here. Pretty nice, right?

You come and sit here. Sit on this little chair. DO IT. And I wash your little face... stay still... {to herself} These are cute little washcloths, I'm keeping these. {to listener} Okay, and now I put on a little moisturizer for you... I know it's cold, I know! Good job, good job! There, all clean and pretty.

You know I'm kind of exhausted from shredding on that guitar downstairs and watching the Bratz: Rock Angelz movie on repeat. Yeah. To master my craft, hello? Did you not see the Bratz form a band and become international rock stars? You know what, it's okay, you're not a musician like me, you wouldn't get it.

Anyway, I want to take a nap and uh, I need you to come and have it with me so I know you're not going to go and play in the vents. Get it? Oh, I'm hysterical. Follow me.

Oh, that's better. Come here... cuddle time. Cuddle time. Oh, my little angel baby, my little baby man... I'm so glad we made it here in one piece, and we can finally settle down and never have to see other people, and be together forever and ever and ever...

{Evalina begins singing part of *Bury Me Deep Inside Your Heart*.}

> *All I ever wanted was you, my love
> You're all I ever wanted is you, my love
> You're all I ever wanted, you, my love*
>
>

You should get some more sleep. We are going to have a long day of throwing the old owner's belongings into a bonfire tomorrow. Yeah. I just know it's going to be a really great bonding moment for us, and a new start for us.

{Evalina begins singing part of *Start of Something New*.}

> *This could be the start of something new
> It feels alright to be here with you*
>
>

You know that one? Good night my little, little baby man.

## Fun Facts

### Remarks

* Despite having an eyepatch, Evalina is able to keep one eye on her screen and one eye on her boyfriend. This could be evedence that her eyepatch is purely aesthetic.

### Real-World References

* Benadryl is an antihistamine medication used to stop allergies.
* Times Square is a location in New York City famous for its many billboards.
* "Amogus" is a reference to the video game Among Us.
* Dakota Johnson is an American actress.
* Evalina sings *Bury Me Deep Inside Your Heart* by HIM and *Start of Something New* from High School Musical.