2017 Trophy Naming Tournament - Sweet Sixteen

## Introduction

The opening round of the tournament was as close as it could get, which leads me to believe we are a league divided. So America of us. With 7 of the 9 votes tallied, all four matchups were sitting at 4-3. Through 8, IT. vs The Holy Grail was tied 4-4. Then Mason Crosby came in to kick the game winner for The Holy Grail.

Before we go on, I just want to give credit where credit is due: Paddock 9 might be the most average team of all time but he came up with an above average idea. It was Patrick who said: “A contest? We all come up with two names tournament style put it to a vote? Boom” So kudos to him for this one. Just for that, I’m awarding him 5 points towards the league-dues competition.

Updated standings:

1. Paddock 9 - 5
2. Everyone else - 0

Now we enter the Sweet Sixteen: the meat of the tournament. This is when things are at their most insane. Twelve new trophy names enter the fold and the field will be cut in half by Wednesday. Four managers are already down to one name idea, but since no manager is going up against themselves anyone could see both their names eliminated in this round. Let's get down to IT! (RIP in Peace to IT)

## Round 1 Results

The F.A.T.E. was the only name awarded a blowout victory, the only competitor of Round 1 with 6 votes.

## The Sweet Sixteen

### *North Division*

Who will reign as King of the North? Several strong contenders join the fight against names already with a win under their belt.

#### The Brian Westbrook vs. The Eternal Cup of Glory

After defeating a football specific name in Round 1, the ECG comes in to the Sweet Sixteen needing to do the same.

The Brian Westbrook is the only trophy name that honors a specific player (unless you consider Roger Goodell a playa). Brian Westbrook was an all purpose back. He could kill you on the ground or through the air. He accumulated 442 receptions over the course of a nine-year career. Westbrook embodies what a fantasy team should be: a balance of run and catch, of dodge duck dip dive and dodge, and of smarts. Who remembers his game clinching kneel on the goal line in 2007? What makes Westbrook so special was he was drafted by the NK Anacondas in 2011. The Anacondas, now known as Papa’s Posse, drafted Westbrook despite him not even being signed to an NFL team. Westbrook didn’t play a single snap that season and later retired. Papa won the ‘ship anyway. This is a trophy name that values run, pass, smart draft choices, and the most shocking championship run we have seen to this day.

#### The Big Sack Cup vs. The Brophy

Two testosterone driven names enter the royal rumble and match up very well in what should be another nail biter of a battle.

The Big Sack Cup is wrought with double meaning. For one, we all know it takes guts to win the trophy. I'd say balls, but we have ladies present. Well, okay, it takes balls. Big balls. Thus, Big Sack fits in that regard. But it also places some value on the value of defense. Draft a great defense, get those sack points, get yourself into the big dance. And Cup is thrown in there as the perfect compliment to big sack. It's almost like you need a trophy with a nice sized cup to fit your oversized testicles.

The Brophy is an elitist trophy name. It says no girls allowed. It says guys rule and girls drool. Well, history speaks for itself. The trophy has been dominated by men, with no female-led team finishing higher than fifth place. Would the Brophy have feminists protesting in the streets? Would students at colleges tell their professors they are in need of a safe space after hearing the name uttered? Or would it be a rallying cry for all the many female-managers out there to claim the trophy for their own and put the name to shame?

#### The Best of the Best Trophy vs. The F.A.T.E.

The juggernaut that is F.A.T.E. takes its head of steam into a fight with the best of the best, a matchup that seems insurmountable on name alone. But fate has a way of working out.

What does F.A.T.E. blowing out their opponent mean? To me, it seems to suggest that many here share that philosophy, that you can only win the game by putting forth your best effort.

The Best of the Best is a straight forward name. You win the trophy and what does that mean? Well it means you were the best team. And it suggests that you had to beat the other best teams to get there. So you're the best of a whole bunch of bests. It's a nice compliment to your vanquished foes while also a huge ego boost to yourself. I'm sure Shotti is highly considering this as his 2017 team name.

#### The Roger Goodell Memorial Trophy vs. The Guru Goblet

This looks to be the Captain America vs. Iron Man of the Sweet Sixteen North Division matchups. Two new names with some serious fire power.

The Roger Goodell Memorial Trophy is just hilarious. Look, we all agree Roger Goodell is a fucking piece of shit. I think even if you're not a Patriots fan you can hate RG. He gets paid a massive amount (I'm talking more than $40 million a year) to basically cover up corruption, spousal abuse, severe brain trauma in retired players, and other atrocities by focusing on things like fining players for dunking footballs over the goalposts. So with all that being said, how great is a trophy with a name like this? It's irony at it's finest. It's a way to honor the most putrid aspect of the sport and basically our modern day Hitler.

The Guru Goblet uses the weapon of alliteration to flow easily off the tongue like water from the Mississippi. This is the only name of all 20 that two managers tried to submit, which alerts me to a possible sleeper. The Fantasy Guru is a renowned genius of the game, so to win the Guru Goblet is to be considered a guru among your peers. I often feel like fantasy is about mastering some sort of energy hidden just beneath the surface of our reality and wielding it. I've even considered kidnapping Shotti and making him train me in the mountains of the Orient Doctor Strange style. Does the GG have what it takes to take down the NFL-Commish?

### *South Division*

Is the South Division winner going to come out of the first eight or will it come from one of our new additions?

#### The Champion's Cup vs. The Rainbow Sprinkle Cup

Cinderella moves on after a huge 5-4 upset against The Helmet to Helmet. Now Witchita State...sorry, I mean The Rainbow Sprinkle Cup, faces off against the tournament's most basic name: The Champion's Cup.

Are you the league Champion? Great, here's a cup. The Champion's Cup, to my knowlegde, is the only name currently in the tournament that exists elsewhere in professional sports. The International Champions Cup is a 20-match soccer tournament. The European Champions Cup is an annual tournament that takes place among the top 6 rugby teams on the continent. But maybe that legitimizes this option. Maybe we want a name that speaks to the professionalism of the league. Do we want something with the pizazz of rainbow sprinkle, or something serious like the workmanlike Champions Cup?

#### The Snapface vs. The Goblet of the Gods

With these two entries we have a Bill Belichickian option and one that worships the Fantasy Gods.

Perhaps Bill Belichick's most timeless joke, Snapface has come back to light after Brown's stupid live taping of the post-game speech that Mike Tomlin gave to the Steelers. I'm pretty sure Bill loves the Snapface joke more than he loves his wife. The Snapface is a name derived by a man who has no time for anything but football. So fighting for the Snapface sort of means putting everything aside to keep your head in the game. That means no Instantchat, no Snapface, no Mybook.

The Goblet of the Gods is, peculiarly enough, our second goblet-related alliteration of the tournament. It's a good thing we are doubled up on Goblets here since that was one of the synonyms not covered in the Memorial Trophy Bowl Cup, a fact that apparently didn't go unnoticed by voters. The Goblet of the Gods of course refers to the all-powerful Fantasy Gods. Receiving this trophy is being gifted a priceless item by the beings that lord over us all. This name could cause controversy, as some choose not to bow down to the Gods and instead worship the Mirror Universe Gods. Can this name overcome and make it to the Elite Eight?

#### The Full-On Rapist vs. The Holy Grail

Some thoughts about this matchup as I shudder to think of a Final Four matchup between The Full-On Rapist and the Rainbow Sprinkle Cup....

The Holy Grail pulled the win out of a hat (or goblet?) with the ninth and final vote this week, but did the battle take too much out of them? Can they recover in time to beat a full-on rapist?

The Full-On Rapist is an Always Sunny reference which you can see in this video below:

You see, he's not actually a full-on rapist. He's a philanthropist. So the trophy isn't actually going to rape anybody. It's going to help them. But getting to the trophy has the potential to rape your heart and soul and crush all your dreams. So similar to the F.A.T.E. this name packs a double whammy. It may take both whammy's to defeat The Holy Grail.

#### The Salty Dolphin vs. The Elite Trophy of Excellence

The final game is between two newcomers: TSD and ETE.

Elite Trophy of Excellence took a page out of the Goblet names and alliterated the hell out of itself. Will it work? The Elite Trophy of Excellence bares some resemblance to the Eternal Cup of Glory in that it's the blank trophy of blank. Is Elite better than Eternal? Is Glory better than Excellence? Does the Eternal Cup's Round 1 win bode well for the Elite Trophy here in the sweet sixteen? Or is there only room in this town for one of 'em?

The Salty Dolphin sounds both majestic and like a dive bar somewhere in Nova Scotia where the men have 5-o-clock shadow at 10 in the morning. The Salty Dolphin has a nice ring to it. For those who do not know this running joke: a while ago Patrick made the remark that Nate had dolphin-like features. This spawned a running joke that first grew legs then grew fins and now swims through the narrative of every fantasy season, striking periodically in the form of gifs and throwaway aquatic remarks. Salty, for those not as hip as the person who came up with this name, is an adjective to describe someone who is bitter, annoyed, embarrassed. Every year that Nate doesn't win the trophy, it gets saltier. Owning the Salty Dolphin is like owning real estate in Nate's brain for another off-season.

## VOTE

We started with 20. Now we have 16. And after you vote, we will be down to just 8. Is our trophy going to be called the Salty Dolphin? The Rainbow Sprinkle Cup? The Goblet of the Gods? Or are we going to have to explain to our loved ones why we are fighting for a Full-On Rapist?

Voting closes on Tuesday with results revealed on Thursday.

Vote Here