It's A Mystery

It's A Mystery is the twelfth chapter in the Wombles Eight.

In New York Aquaman was surrounded the River Police after his trident was filmed taking down a passenger plane.  “Alright Curry!  Come nice and quietly” they said through loud halers.  They expected anything but a quiet reaction from Aquaman.  “OK!  OK! I’ll come” said Aquaman.  The police were confused.  He just got in a boat without arguing.  “Are you alright Aquaman?” asked one of the officers.

“Aquaman?” said Aquaman. “Maybe he’s being controlled by a villain?” suggested another officer.  Aquaman started to say something but oddly faced away from everyone. “I’m a superhero?” asked Aquaman. “Sure you are pal!  But we’d best take you to see someone who can help you.” said an Officer.

Aquaman seemed to ignore her and carried on talking to nobody.  “So what am I here to do?” he asked.  The River Police were really worried now.  If Aquaman was acting so oddly could he turn against people? Which villain had got him?  Would they use him as a weapon?  The Captain decided it wasn’t worth the risk.  “Take him to Robin whilst he’s compliant.  God knows what will happen if we wait!”  They whisked Aquaman away towards Bludhaven.

When they had gone four balls popped up out of the water.  Two white and two orange.  Two small and two large.  Then another big white ball popped up.  “Roooovvveeeerr!” it shouted squashing itself against the original big white ball. “Rooovvveeerr!” shouted the other one back.

Katy stormed away to her dungeon, angry at Mal’s escape.  She meant to take it out on somebody.  That somebody was a small womble cowering in the corner of a wet, dark cell.  “Wellington! My favourite womble!  Are you ready to build me that device yet?” Katy asked sounding sweet and sinister simultaneously.  “W, w, w, what d, d, d, do you n, ,n, ,need?” asked Wellington in fear. “Oh has the torture made you a bit confused?  Well I think I’ll do just a bit more torture before restoring your memory.  Then you can make me a device to open breaches across the multiverse!” Katy shrieked in a chilling tone.  She started the torture and Wellington screamed.

Mal, Evie, Clary, Jace and Isabelle were sitting drinking coffee when Constantine appeared in the room. “Evening ladies!  And you mate!  I need yer ‘elp.  Hear you have special talents.  Something dark is about to terrify a lot of people.”

Steed answered the phone. “Johnny?  We got the go ahead!  I’m on my way!” he replied.

Mrs Peel walked into a wedding dress shop.  “Hello,” she said to the person at the counter.  They didn’t hear her because they were listening to music and reading a book.  Mrs Peel didn’t want to shout, so she just killed them and took her favourite dress from the shop without paying.

Mrs Peel was surprised at what she saw outside.  She had come face to face with a tiny person with scarlet red skin and horns, who looked a bit like an evil elf.  Wait a minute, why was she surprised?  She’s a blackened zombie-like resurrected, bald killing machine with no nose and an immortality device poking out of her stomach.  Never mind, she is insane after all.

“Hello Mrs Peel,” said the demon in a strange voice which sounded like no creature Mrs Peel had ever heard, “I’m a demon.  Would you like to come to hell with me?”  “No thanks.” Said Mrs Peel.  “Okay then.” Replied the demon, “See you another time, Invidia!” and he turned to walk away.  “WAIT, you idiot!” shouted Mrs Peel, “What did you just call me?”  “Invidia.” Repeated the demon, “If you want to know more, I’ll take you to Lucifer so he can show you.”  “OF COURSE I WANT TO KNOW MORE!”  “Come with me then.” Said the demon, and everything went red.  He and Mrs Peel were standing in a blazing red portal. “Oh, I forgot to warn you,” began the demon suddenly, “Earthly materials can’t survive in here.”  Mrs Peel’s fake nose melted and then incinerated.  “My nose!” gasped Mrs Peel.  “Don’t worry, I’ll get you another one.” The demon got out a wand, said a strange word, and then his wand disappeared again.  Mrs Peel now had a fully restored, jet black nose.

“I love it!” shrieked Mrs Peel, “But the jet doesn’t quite match up with the soot.”  The demon’s wand appeared again, he muttered another word, and his wand disappeared.  Mrs Peel’s soot black skin was now a deep jet black.  “Think you can give me some hair?” asked Mrs Peel.  The demon’s wand appeared.  The demon said a strange word.  The demon’s wand disappeared.  Mrs Peel now had long, silky white hair.  Then she found herself in a throne room in front of a large creature.  She knew immediately that he was the Lucifer who the demon had spoken of, but there was something off about him.

“Welcome home, Invidia.” Boomed Lucifer.  “Hi.” Replied Mrs Peel calmly, “But actually my name is Emma.”  “So you think.” Said Lucifer, “But I know better.  You have fulfilled all your intended prophecies and now you have returned back to where you belong.”  “Prophecies?  What? I haven’t married Paul yet, can I go and undo one of whatever those prophecies are so I can live the rest of-“ “Your miserable, meaningless, earthly life?”  “It is not meaningless!”  “Well no, but it would be if it continued after now.  Your only purposes of ever going to Earth were to fulfil your prophecies, spreading evil and wreaking havoc-“  “But I didn’t mean to fulfil any prophecies!  I just lived a perfectly normal, completely uninteresting to anyone but me, life!”  Lucifer laughed gently and explained what he was talking about, “No.  You see Invidia, you are my daughter.  You only ever knew your mother, but even she abandoned you just before your third birthday.  I didn’t learn of you until eighteen years had passed.  I had kidnapped a nice lady named Sybil Trelawney, just to entertain myself, and then I discovered that she was a seer.  She had an inner eye to tell the future using means of divination. She prophesied that my daughter would lead a normal life, until one day, she would marry a man with black hair and green eyes who wears a suit with a bowler hat.  At that time, she would be a redhead who was a member of a powerful team who became controversial in the eyes of the authority.  Then, she would be abandoned for a woman who is in a very high authoritative position, who is widely considered beautiful, who was previously married to Invidia’s former husband’s friend.  After that, Invidia would get very jealous.  She would try to be friends with a blonde woman, but she would gradually slip further and further into insanity.  Once all these prophecies were fulfilled, I was to send my loyal servant to her to get her, and give her the wings and magic she was always destined to have.  And I believe *you* are Invidia, my lovely.”

“Wings and magic?! Okay, sure, I’m Invidia.  You were right all along!  Heh heh.. NOW GIVE ME MY WINGS AND MAGIC!”

“As you wish, my lovely.” Lucifer slammed his staff to the ground. The ground shook.  Mrs Peel fell over.  Smoke filled the place.  The smoke cleared.  Mrs Peel looked around.  She was in Invidia’s rightful palace of slaves and evil, and her transformation was complete.

Dora walked in to Katy’s dungeon.  “Katy – Your Majesty – um…oh. Maybe I should come back later.” Katy didn’t pause her torturing but snapped, “Just say whatever it is you have to say.!”

“You remember your suspicions on Mrs Keel?”

“Of course,” seethed Katy. “I remember my own suspicions, Dora.” She lost concentration and her knife slipped and cut into Wellington’s eye. “Oh, for goodness sake-“ she hissed. She yanked the knife out, unintentionally pulling the eye with it. She glared at it. “*Yuck.*” She said, then took it off the knife and threw it out through the tiny window.

“Um…um…um…” said Dora. “JUST SAY IT!!!” screeched Katy. “I think her plans are…I think she’s stepping things up a bit.” Dora finally managed to say. Katy snorted. “Nobody will ever manage to stop *me,* Dora my dear.”

Dora cringed and said, “I think you’re right.” Then left.

Tara finished her caramel latte. Another advert break started. The phone she’d bought earlier rang. She answered it.

“Hello, Tara Keel.” Said a man’s voice. “Who are you?” asked Tara. “My name is Cornelius Snow.” Said the voice. “Do you know where I can find Emma Peel?”

“No, I haven’t seen her in ages…I…suppose I could…look, for you.”

“What, go round hunting her in the streets?”

“No…”

“Look up her phone number?”

“No…that isn’t…really…what I meant…”

“Well, alright, go ahead and do whatever you did mean.”

Tara put down the phone. She searched through her “history of Katy Perry” paper pile until she found a photograph of EPKCT. She laid her hand on the part showing Mrs Peel, closed her eyes and concentrated. When she got the image, it just confused her. What on Earth *was* that place?”

So Tara just hung up because she found she wasn’t able to answer the question.