Vampire Girls Definitely Don't Drink Your Blood

Lilico and Cynthia absoultely drink the viewer's blood.

## Transcript

Oh, there you are. About time. Well, we had plans. No? We didn't? Well, never mind then. Come on in darling. What a pleasure to see you. Please do excuse the mess, I've been tidying up the castle. It feels like people have been running around in here while i was out. Quite strange. Yes, anyway what can i do for you?

Couldn't sleep and wanted some company? Well that's very kind of you to think of me, my love. I'm glad you're here. I was just about to have some tea and watch a film with my housemate. Castle-mate? Oh, you make me laugh. Castle-mate! Would you like to join us? Oh goody. You know what, I don't think you've met her? She doesn't go out very much. Mm-hmm. She's a bit cranky at the moment to be honest.

Her boyfriend broke up with her. Yeah. 1922, so it's not been very long. A hundred years is but a minute to us, darling. Lookie! My angel love has come to visit, Cynthia.

**Cynthia:** Oh Lilico, who is that?

**Lilico:** This is my darling, why don't you be nice and make them feel welcome?

**Cynthia:** Hello. Welcome. Won't you?

Can you guess what we're watching tonight? Gone Girl! We're watching Gone Girl for the third time this week! I just adore Osmond Pike. Come on. Let's get comfy over here. I have lots of blankets for you, in case the fire isn't enough. Is that comfortable, my love?

You just cuddle up to me. It's been so long since I've, um, seen you.

**Cynthia:** I would also like some blankets.

**Lilico:** Really? We can't even feel the cold.

**Cynthia:** I would like to join in, Lilico.

**Lilico:** Yes, of course darling.

**Cynthia:** I store this blanket from Dracula's castle hundrereds of years ago. This is a piece of, how do you say, history.

**Lilico:** Well that's one way to put them to sleep, Cynthia. I think half this castle is probably covered in stolen furnishings from Dracula's place.

**Cynthia:** Speaking of ??? I forgot to tell you I think there was someone in here before.

**Lilico:** What?

**Cynthia:** I think your friends in ??? I think she was here inside before. I don't know. ??? I'm not a fucking ???

**Lilico:** Oh, so that's why my wardrobe's in disarray. I'll have to find us a new maid. Try not to scare the next one off.

**Cynthia:** She was weak. That's not my fault.

Darling, would you like a little sip of tea? Would it help you sleep? Here you are, sweetheart. I would offer you something to eat but you look about ready to get some sleep. Don't worry. If you fall asleep, I can recant the entire script of the movie for you in the morning. You're welcome. There, there.

You're very safe here. We don't see a soul out here. Very hidden. You get some rest and enjoy the peace and quiet. we will stay with you until you wake up.

**Cynthia:** Oh? When did i say i was babysitting your dog with you? Trying to rub your happiness in my face and my broken heart wow. The nerve.

Ignore her. Hmm? Starring? Oh, no, I was just admiring your skin. Why don't- why don't I help you fall asleep? Just stay still for me. {humming, blood drinking noises}

**Cynthia:** Maybe i can find it within my heart to help care for you after all. {humming, blood drinking noises}

**Lilico:** Hey, careful, they're looking faint.

**Cynthia:** Fine.

Darling? Darling? Are you alright? Shh... here just close your eyes. I'm not going anywhere. Sweet dreams my love. ??? shh...

**Cynthia:** When I think of my life, I think of ???

**Both:** can't you just be happy your wife's home safe?

**Cynthia:** Gets me every time.

What are you thinking, what have we done to each other? Well, shall we watch it again?

**Cynthia:** Absolutely.