recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
Buffs/Debuffs/Aura

## Overview of the current Buffs, Debuffs and Auras from Event Ninjas:

* **Support**
* **Assaulter**
* **Vanguard**

* **Deidara&Sasori** 80% when being attacked.
* **Gai&Kakashi** 100% when being attacked.
* **Toneri** 65% 2 rounds.
* **A.Naruto** 80% when being attacked.
* **10T Obito** 1 round.
* **Mangetsu** 1 round.

**Chaos**
* **Madara&Obito** 80% 2 rounds.
* **Orochimaru** 75% 2 rounds.
* **A.Naruto** 65% 2 rounds.
* **R.Itachi** 55% 2 rounds.

**Silence**
* **I.Itachi** 80% 2 rounds.
* **Hagoromo** 50% 2 rounds.

**Forbid Attack**
* **S.Kakashi** 60% 2 rounds.

**Petrify**
* **Momoshiki** 75% 2 rounds.
* **I.Sasuke** 65% 2 rounds.

**Death-Point Striking**
* **U.Hinata** 70% 2 rounds, stun self 1 round.

**Shock**
* **Rabbit Goddess** 60% 2 rounds.

**Death State**
* **Gai&Kakashi** 100% 1 enemy, 50% chance another enemy. stun self 1 round.
* **Gaara** 60% 1-3 enemies' 40% fail rate, stun self 1 round.

**Explode**
* **Naru&Hina** 65% 2 rounds.

**Paralyze**
* **Sasuke&Itachi** 65% 2 rounds.

**Blind**
* **Pain&Konan** 60% 2 rounds.
* **Pain&Konan**
* **Sasuke&Itachi**
* **Naru&Hina**
* **I.Itachi**
* **Rabbit Goddess**
* **Orochimaru**
* **Hamura**
* **Kushina**
* **Kaguya**
* **R.Nagato**
* **3-Eye Madara**
* **S.Kakashi**
* **Hagoromo**
* **Shisui**
* **R.Itachi**
* **S.Itachi**
* **10T Obito**
* **OPito**

**Fury Reduction**
* **Deidara&Sasori**
* **Gai&Kakashi**
* **Hiruzen**
* **I.Itachi**
* **U.Shin**
* **Hamura**
* **I.Sasuke**
* **R.Nagato**
* **E-Eye Madara**
* **Hagoromo**

**Chaos**
* **Deidara&Sasori**
* **Toneri**

**Silence**
* **Sasuke&Itachi**
* **Hiruzen**
* **Momoshiki**
* **U.Hinata**
* **Toneri**
* **A.Naruto**
* **I.Sasuke**
* **Kaguya**

**Forbid Attack**
**Ignore SuperFlash**
* **Momoshiki**
* **Rabbit Goddess**
* **Orochimaru**
* **Kushina**

**Petrify**
* **Naru&Hina**
* **Gaara**
* **U.Hinata**
* **Orochimaru**
* **A.Naruto**

**Death-Point Striking**
* **Sasuke&Itachi**
* **Momoshiki**
* **Gaara**
* **U.Shin**
* **Rabbit Goddess**

**Shock**
* **Naru&Hina**

**Death State**
**Explode**
* **Madara&Obito**

**Paralyze**
* **Madara&Obito**
* **Pain&Konan**
* **Gai&Kakashi**

**Blind**
* **Madara&Obito**
Episode 222

Previous Episode

   Pete has more trouble with different neighbors and Sebastian tells of his adventures down under!

## Quotes from the episode

* Sebastian: I was so proud of myself wearing 2 outfits for travel
* Sebastian: No no, I gotta go to the bathroom to change into my plane wear
* Pete: They go; What are you bringing back? Just memories, baby.
* Pete: You can’t expect anyone to know that-you’re psychotic!
* Pete: I’m surprised he didn’t have one of those chips on the end of his phone!
* Sebastian: OK everybody buck up $68 for the solo cups and chicken I bought.
* DJ Lou: One time there were farm animals in here with the people
* Pete: We’ve all had just about enough of you around here
* Sebastian: You’re leaving that in, by the way.
* Sebastian: This is like farm people.
* Sebastian: Man you’re really living of the land over there.
* Pete: Anderson cooper doesn’t travel this much!
Episode 205

Runtime
 Previous Episode

Sebastian goes on Seinfeld's show and the guys talk about the president's greatest secrets!

## Topics discussed

* The guys recap the release of Sebastian's episode of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
* Sebastian has a vision scare, resulting in a cracked-windshield effect on his vision
* Pete shares his self-affirmation method of warding off heart attacks, baldness, and crooked teeth
* Pete's Jeep comes back from a repair having been smoked in, despite his friend's assurances to the contrary
* A fellow flyer gets overly familiar with Pete's headphones
* Show within a show about Eddie Vedder's speeches.
* Pete tells of his own Seinfeld encounter in New York.
* A discussion of the President's car, home, correspondence.
* Sebastian discusses the process of interviewing for an assistant, including a candidate who is a fan of the podcast.
* Sebastian meets actor Frank Vincent after a show
* An argument about a car wash shakes Pete's confidence in his authority and the respect he receives from his wife.

## Quotes from the episode

* Jimmy from Boston: "I didn’t know if you showed up to cast with Petey or sell him an 8-ball!"
* Pete's (ex) realtor: "Saw your Showtime special. Pretty good."
* Pete: "I tell my body, 'We don't do heart attacks.'"
* Pete: "What if there's an emergency? Are you gonna run with your flip flops back to the limo?"
* Pete: "There can only be one chief." Sebastian: "And apparently it's Jackie!"
Episode 422

Runtime
 Previous Episode

## Episode description

One of the guys thinks he's having a stroke during the cast, and the other is afraid to take his shirt off at the beach!

## Topics discussed

* Pete at numerous points throughout the show feels potential symptoms of a stroke.
* One of Pete’s neighbors is letting their dog shit by his house without cleaning it up, so he is setting up a lookout to find the offender.
* Pete gives highlights from the latest family trip to the Adirondacks including parking challenges, weather trouble, shower and laundromat encounters, and boating.
* Sebastian had blood drawn and gave urine sample as part of at-home physical, and assesses his quarantine health.
* Sebastian did a staycation at the beach with BeachNow - a company that offers custom setups ready on arrival. His friend joins with a wetsuit. Sebastian keeps his shirt on for the full beach day.
* Lana has been taking Sebastian’s phone and texting people random messages. Meanwhile, Pete calls the wrong person with the same first name and improvs to make it seem intentional.
* The guys discuss the upcoming live show, topics, and whether alcohol will be involved.

## Quotes from the episode

* Pete: “It’s a calculated hit bro!”
* Campground onlooker: “If you don’t mind, want me to hop in there and just do it (park the RV) for you?” Pete: “I couldn’t throw it in park fast enough.”
* Pete: “You’re right tootse, it is none of your business.”
* Sebastian: “You can’t even back your camper into the site, you want to fly a plane?”
* Sebastian: “Has anyone ever brought their urine out and the whole office is like ‘We need to call and ambulance.’?”
* Pete: “There would be people, if I had limited time, that are gonna call and want to spend time with you and you’re gonna have to say to them ‘I don’t want to hurt your feelings…when I thought I had 20 years I’d waste a Sunday with you, but I got a month left and you are not on the calendar guy.’”
* Sebastian: “What happened to going into the ocean as kids and freezing?”
* Pete: “You’re the wrong number guy, I don’t care that he’s in little league what the fuck.”

## Tags

Stroke, dog shit, neighbor, Jackie, Adirondacks, vacation, camping, camper, laundromat, shower, handicapped, Sadie, boat, sea plane, swimming, sharks, knife, shingetty, health, physical, widow maker, urine sample, staycation, beach, California weather, pacific ocean, wetsuit, weight, shirt, shorts, flip flops, live podcast, live show, Lana, phone call, texting
Episode 408

Runtime
 Previous Episode

## Episode description

Pete admits to a classless move and the guys question how Amazon works.

## Topics discussed

* A rando joins a group text with the guys witnessing their bro moment, and Sebastian is afraid he has a recycled phone number from a dead person.
* Pete set up a burner Twitter account.
* The guys question how Amazon works.
* Pete sets up a telescope to assess potential new neighbors, has a script to persuade them with his daughter as the main actor, and decorates the set with her toys.
* Sebastian is setting up a virtual dinner for charity featuring a $200 dinner box with a full spread, and comment trolls are upset at the shipping radius and price.
* Pete’s latest Netflix recommendations: Northern Rescue and Waco.

## Quotes from the episode

* Pete: "Fauci’s obviously doing the iTunes ratings, because we’re not #1."
* Pete: "You wanna do that, let’s do that…mothafuckas!"
* Sebastian: I just read an article the other day…it’s in your semen!" Pete: "Bro, there’s \*nothin\* in my semen. 50 years old with a vasectomy, it’s nothing but a puff of air coming out."
* Pete: "Ah! What’s that!...It’s a human being, you’re supposed to wanna fuck it!"
* Pete: "This is not a class move. This is the opposite of a class move."
* Sebastian: "Here’s her name! Fuck you and your family!"
* Pete: "Even if I can overlook no plumbing, now you’re gonna fuck my wife while I’m shittin’ outside?"

## Tags

Corona, semen, plumbing, Waco, Amazon, phase 1, phase 2, DMV, semen, iTunes rankings, home school, Twitter, burner, Amazon, shipping, home gym, telescope, neighbors, neighborhood, Sadie, real estate, chef Dominic, dinner, cooking, comments, trolls, Billy Baldwin, Northern Rescue, Netflix, Waco, Chick Fil A
DJ Lou

"DJ Lou" Witzki is the audio producer of the Pete & Sebastian Show. His contributions include the audio edit and mixing, injecting music and sound for effect, as well as original content, "DJ Lou's Show-Within-A-Show". We don't know much about DJ Lou, but we do know this:

* He previously worked for Rosie O'Donnel
* He smokes
* He is bald
* He's a huge Pearl Jam fan

Beginning with Episode 511, DJ Lou and Jimmy from Boston were unceremoniously relieved of their duties, leading to fan backlash and eventual reinstatement in Episode 513.
Episode 178

Runtime
 Previous Episode

It's Sebastian's birthday and they have stories about getting slapped by a child, Pete taking over his neighborhood, pranking JJ Watt, and many more!

## Topics discussed

* Pete has birthday trivia for Sebastian, including a Stallone connection
* Pete's newsletter is going well, but less so with his medium t-shirt business
* "Facts about pissing"
* Sebastian is enjoying the mountains of North Carolina but finds the culture of "nine-o-clock midnight" to be a drag
* Eavesdropping on a second conversation where the couple is fighting-an analysis
* Sebastian is assaulted by a 5-year-old
* Pete puts a child in her place while camping
* Sebastian's Mom celebrates her 70th birthday
* Sebastian grows a beard while in the wilderness, making Pete uncomfortable
* Goodfellas-inspired show-within-a-show
* Lana and Sebastian's houseguest game confuses NFL superstar JJ Watt
* Pete's brother unveils a Disney vacation in spectacular fashion
* Hamptons talk
* Pete entices Sebastian with "ExLift" - a new app concept
* Pete would like to subdivide his neighbor's underutilized property, ahead of his ultimate plans to demolish the neighborhood
* Wedding gift etiquette for cheapskates
* Pete's considering Periscoping his arguments with Jackie about his white-trash inability to empty his pockets

## Quotes from the episode

* Sebastian: "Enough with the hittin!"
* Pete: "I don't care if it rains only on your tent."
* Sebastian: "You'll never see my asshole."
* Sebastian: "You actually motorboat the breasts!" (re: Pete's appearance in The Gynecologists)
* Sebastian: "On the lid of the toilet, it says 'Sebastian, you're 42, nobody gives a shit.'"
* Sebastian: "Why is there ice here - Is that to cool off the piss?"
* Pete: "I got Hitler." (Re: Famous people that share your birthday)
* Henry the barber: "It's only my second time cutting your hair but I'm falling in love with you!"
Episode 7

Runtime
 Previous Episode

## Topics discussed

* Sebastian goes shopping for a Halloween costume for Adam Levine's "Part in the Cemetery"
* Pete recalls his John F. Kennedy Jr./Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy costume
* Spaghetti tip from Billy Gardell
* After the previous show's music test, Sebastian quizzes Pete on Italian culture including an Italian cured-meat taste test from his favorite Charcuterie
* Commercial break: Burt's Bees Coconut Foot Cream with Pete Correale
* Pete reports back from an alumni of Brad Pitt's high school and the surrounding fandom
* Locker talk
* Pete is still reeling from unreturned texts
* Sleeping with Sebastian: Ramada Inn of Tampa, Florida
* An impersonation of Pete's real estate agent
* Sebastian dines at Eataly with celebrities, gets home at 6am
* Al Pacino stories

## Quotes from the episode

* Sebastian: "By the end of the night, I'm walking around no beard, no hair, took the jacket off, I'm walking around in my Santa pants and my fat suit eatin' an In-N-Out burger in the middle of the cemetery."
* Sebastian: "Did anyone find that offensive?" Pete: "Not my friends!"
Episode 193

Runtime
 Previous Episode

Sebastian moves up the ladder as an actor, Pete is close to escaping the boat, and they play Manarios!

## Topics discussed

* The guys talk about the GOP debate after having a satisfying off-air rant.
* Sebastian shot his first movie this week, playing a comedian in The House with Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler.
* Despite being under unprecedented stress, Sebastian is buried in movie scripts
* Pete gives Sebastian acting tips for this role as Denardo in Cruise
* DJ Lou show-within-a-show tribute to the Mets
* Sebastian has harsh criticism of Pete's living conditions on the boat and the maintenance of the milk frother.
* Pete sings a song about the show
* Listener shout outs
* Manarios: Assisting an older female worker at Home Depot with heavy boxes, spooning with a stranger for warmth, endorsing a candidate for President that you don't agree with.
* A sidebar conversation about a feminist fan's negative iTunes review of sexism on the show

## Quotes from the episode

* Jimmy from Boston: "Let’s not lose our old pal scooter-biscuit!"
* Pete: "She's Putin in a dress!"
* Pete: "Do they even know about your other powers?"
* Sebastian: "Maybe I'll pull an Oscar out of this performance."
* iTunes review from Feminist Fan: "Only four stars due to the sexism running rampant."
* Sebastian: "I'm spooning with the stranger...I'm tellin this guy: turn the other way and let's get together."
* Sebastian: "From Pete. Have a great game. Wow that was gay."
* Sebastian: "What is this? Prison?"
Episode 183

Runtime
 Previous Episode

Sebastian tells of his adventures in Greece!

## Topics discussed

* Sebastian is casting from the coast of Bodram, Turkey, traveling with another couple, getting tips on how gay men travel (2 bathing suits!)
* Sebastian announces that he can't swim, plus a Manario for tipping a lifeguard
* Additional tales of decadence
* Pete's talks about the family's unusual toiletry practices growing up
* The public's fascination with fireworks, and the recording thereof
* Pete tells the story of Bill Brantley, a comedian who was too ugly for ESPN (and possibilities of a sports angle on The Pete)
* Sebastian penalizes a talkative german by allowing him to pay his tab.
* Sebastian tells the story of attending Vince Vaughn's birthday on the way to his third date with Lana
* After a tumultuous day of flying, Pete caps it off by arguing with a flight attendant
* Miscellaneous podcast related housekeeping items
* Pete reads an email from his Dad to an underwhelmed Sebastian
* Pete looks at pictures of men's penises while eating in a restaurant
* Pete's daughter has a new friend, who may have to sign a waiver to swing in the back yard

## Quotes from the episode

* Sebastian: "People are ordering bottles of Rosé and like, day-dancing? Have you ever day-danced?"
* Sebastian: "I brag about not bragging."
Episode 250

Runtime
 Previous Episode

Sebastian has baby fever and Pete hangs out with the great JJ Watt!!!

## Quotes from the episode

* Right after you use that fancy peppermint lotion on that jungle foot of yours, that you apply it directly to your lips like a maniac
* I’ve got that guy’s DNA from his balls all over my balls.
* You better shut your mouth before you board a plane to Fredonia and you get slipped a napkin!
* They still make those? Yeah, cause there’s still men out there that don’t want a nest.
Episode 383

Runtime
 Previous Episode

## Episode description

It’s a new year and the guys are launching from iHeart Media! Sebastian goes to the Golden Globe Awards where he rubs elbows with acting legends and Pete gets felt up by TSA agents!

## Topics discussed

* The guys discuss some of the adjustments now that the show has transitioned to iHeart.
* Sebastian recaps the Golden Globe Awards including the menu, preparations in case of a win, and how to socialize during the event.
* Pete aimed to have one glass of red wine every night, but tapped out after 5 days.
* TSA stops Pete with his half-burnt candles at the airport and hopes to find more.

## Quotes from the episode

* Pete: “De Niro hasn’t smiled since 2007. He’s like the tin man he needs oil on the jaw, guy lighten up!”
* Pete: “You were mingling during the commercial breaks?” Sebastian: “Yeah, you gotta get a three minute mingle in.” Pete: “Ah, it’s like high school in-between periods.”
* Sebastian: “As I’m honed in on the diamonds, a diamond of a man caught my eye.” Pete: “I gotta grab my water for this.” Sebastian: “And that’s Brad Pitt.”
* Pete: “You would have to have something up your asshole at that point to get through.”

## Tags

iHeart studios, valet, Hollywood, dog, awards show, tickets, Lana, Irishman, Key and Peele, Anna Pacquin, vegan, Robert De Niro, Judy, Keegan Michael Key, Ricky Gervais, clapping, Martin Scorsese, Robert De Niro, Eddie Murphy, Beyonce, earrings, hair, Leonardo DiCaprio, LDC, BP, tan, wine, airport, flight, frisk, pat-down
Episode 410

Runtime
 Previous Episode

## Episode description

Pete visits Fatal Attraction and Sebastian brings props to his Zoom happy hour performance.

## Topics discussed

* Sebastian recaps his virtual dinner with guest appearances from Watt, Seinfeld, and Rick Caruso.
* The guys discuss various outdoor games including spike ball, croquet, and lawn darts.
* Pete is complimented by a neighbor on his home and experiences a direct handshake in the process.
* Sebastian has another Zoom call and underperforms with his mosquito catcher, with Lana trying to coach him up on the side.
* Pete’s sandwich has a hair in it and the guys discuss when to throw the food out or stick with it.

## Quotes from the episode

* Sebastian: “If you would’ve told me we would be 64 days inside when this thing started I would’ve told you you were on some type of methamphetamine coupled with some fentanyl.”
* Pete: “There’s a reason there’s no new games, because everything that good has been invented. We could play a game where we dig a hole and stick our fucking heads in it and time ourselves, but is it really a game?”
* Pete: “If you ever did want to get a hit man, what do you do first? Google?”
* Sebastian’s hypothetical goon: “You might want to relax with the fence.”

## Tags

Coronavirus, COVID-19, pandemic, quarantine, dinner, cooking, charity, Cuomo, beach, New York, soccer, spike ball, outdoor games, lawn darts, grass, neighbor, Zoom, mosquito catcher, Leonardo DiCaprio, Kevin Hart, Sugar Ray Leonard, sandwich, hair, Fatal Attraction, hit man
Episode 220

Previous Episode

   Sebastian has some bad news besides going to an awful party and Pete gives an Amish update, plus the guys teach us how to talk to women!

## Topics discussed

* News of Sebastian’s show not being picked up elicits supportive comments from everyone except his father
* Sebastian attends an underwhelming surprise party for an adult man, his attempts to interact with a child backfire.
* A discussion of how the guys intend to age and expire, plus etiquette for the surviving spouse.
* Response to Pete’s boom truck operation has been positive, and the Amish continue to impress by going the extra mile.
* A clip of Pete’s political humor
* Discussion of “picking” from the meal as it is prepared vs. waiting to be served
* After a trip to the grocery store, Sebastian outlines his produce regimen
* Conversation tips for speaking with women and regulating your spouse in conversation

## Quotes from the episode

* Jimmy from Boston: You might think you’re not saying the F word anymore, but you def aint saying it any less! Clean it up, will ya?
* Sebastian: My show didn’t go. That’s the introduction for today.
* Sebastian: Kids came to the party, found out there was no alcohol, said “surprise” and “g’bye” it was me and my parents.
* Sebastian: Babe…just remember…we got a great roof!
* Pete: …and don’t fuck nobody! I’m watchin' you!
* Pete: Jackie would be like: Guy, you’re ruining the put, my hands are full of shit, I not doing it right now.
* Sebastian: I don’t wanna have to eat my alcohol.
* Sebastian: What I see coming’ at my head is 2 soles
* Sebastian: This your’s?!
* Sebastian: Still with this?
* Sebastian: Do you think anybody’s gonna relate to that? \* Pete: It’s not gonna get picked up. It doesn’t matter.
* Sebastian: You sound like a woman!
* Sebastian: Pattern yourself off of Pete’s broomstick drug bit with it going in a woman’s vagina...if he was single, he would have seen where the broomstick went!
Episode 189

Runtime
 Previous Episode

Sebastian tells of burning bodies in Italy and we play the audio of Pete getting banned from a car rental place!

## Topics discussed

* A pre-show glimpse into Jackie playing tech support to Pete
* Sebastian is settled in to his 6-month temporary home, has spent the day hooking up technology and impressing himself with his accomplishments
* A discussion of couple's pillow lifestyles, including custom hand-made pillows
* Pete's efforts to shop locally are rewarded with a less-than-stellar mattress shopping experience
* Sebastian and Lana are the only straight couple in a building of gay men, getting into conversations at the garbage chute
* Audio of Pete's Dollar car rental altercation
* Additional ideas for creative uses for loved ones' ashes
* Pete is disappointed in the lackluster listener response to his Acting Hall of Fame
* Sebastian's father is dismayed to find his ancestors have been incinerated and their grave supplanted
* Lana and Sebastian confront a neighbor who is running attack simulations with his dog in the front yard, Pete reports on his friend's unorthodox tree disposal methods to Sebastian's disapproval
* Pete is disgusted to see Anthony Bourdain joke about having sex with food

## Quotes from the episode

* Pete: "Half of our listeners thought a custom made pillow meant a pillow that said "Go Steelers."
* Pete: "Like a doctor's office, you should lay down a new piece of paper every time." (re: Mattress stores)
* Pete: "His 'tired' is happier than my 'happy!'"
* Pete: "I try to put all these nice spices in the sauce and nobody cares, they just want the sauce!"
* Pete: "What, are they building a house for Craig T. Nelson?!"
* Anthony Bourdain: "It's only out of deference to you that I'm not thrusting my penis into [the cheese] right now."
Episode 236

Runtime
 Previous Episode

Sebastian is promoting his 3rd Showtime special, find out what a "farmer's blow" is, and Pete meets a Goodfella and may or may not have made it awkward!

## Topics discussed

* Pete extolls the virtues of carrying a bandana

## Quotes from the episode

* I know I’m gonna get ripped to shreds for the shirt I wore.
* Growing up, never a big brussel sprout guy. Now? Love brussel sprouts! What the hell happened?
* I would say between fall and winter, I average 2 a day? (farmer’s blow)
* I just don’t think snot and coffee mix.
* I don’t do the farmer’s blow at all. I find it repulsive.
* Everytime I wear it, guys call it a purse.
* I will not wear sunglasses if I’m gonna bleed my day into my night.
* Even if it would look fantastic to walk into the resterraunt with the shades on, It ain’t worth walking out with them in my hand at 9:30!
* Sebastian’s fall fashion tip #1: You’re gonna start to feel the chill of the fall…there’s nothin nicer than wrapping yourself up in a nice wool scarf.
* If you don’t think you can throw down that much, Dolce & Gabbana is also good.
* You can’t be suckin’ down hamburgers, honey!
* What did he do? Eat meatball sandwiches the whole way home after he signed the contract? WTF?
Episode 387

Runtime
 Previous Episode

## Episode description

Pete creates a ridiculous workout for himself and Sebastian has two insane things happen to him on a flight!

## Topics discussed

* The guys discuss button levels on a men’s shirt and Sebastian discloses how to trim chest hair (and other areas) into hotel towels on the road.
* Sebastian is gearing up for the Oscars and is going to be on Celebrity Family Feud.
* Lana is rear-ended leading to the guys discussing their driving abilities and Sebastian reveals he tried Pete’s piss-in-the-cup-while-driving move.
* Pete implements a new jump rope workout in the hotel parking lot and Sebastian thinks other guests see him as homeless.
* Sebastian meets the fan pilot of his flight and has a passenger taking pictures of his computer screen.

## Quotes from the episode

* Sebastian: “Let’s make this breathe a little bit, maybe if I bend down to get something, maybe a nipple shows. Pete: “Whoa, that’s a heavy unbutton you got if a nip popping out.”
* Pete:”Your not-nice hotel is my family vacation guy.”
* Pete: “I usually dangle my johnson halfway down the cup and then when you feel wetness you know you’re halfway filled.” Sebastian: “Whoa wait wait wait…” Pete: “Yeah, it’s a dipstick.”
* Pete: “I tell ya man if someone took a photo of my computer and they said ‘He’s got your passwords’ I’d be like ‘Can he give them to me, cause I can’t remember them.’”

## Tags

Sweater, shirt buttons, clippers, trimmer, buzzer, towel, hotel, maid, Oscars, Irishman, Giorgio Armani, tuxedo, Lana, Netflix, after party, Celebrity Family Feud, trivia, car accident, bumper, pee, bottle, Subaru, jumping rope, push ups, pebbles, prison workout, motel, drone, spying, Christmas gifts, horse, swing, Saturday Night live, SNL, JJ Watt, flight, plane, airplane, airport, computer, passwords, security, bank, money, Chase
Episode 207

Runtime
 Previous Episode

The guys talk about medical miracles and Sebastian's new assistant puts Pete on the pay-no-mind list!

## Topics discussed

* The etiquette of knocking on a vehicle, especially with a ring tap on the glass
* Hot dogs, whether in Chicago or the Brooklyn tunnel.
* Sebastian is on page 250 of 350 of the Agassi book.
* Sebastian will be shooting his pilot on the same stage as Seinfeld.
* Katherine, Sebastian's assistant, has started.
* Sebastian is having trouble with his scapula, visits a guru who straightens his crooked ribcage, fixes the length of his uneven legs.
* Pete has to play up his pain level in order to receive care for his groin pain.
* Sebastian will be trying sensory deprivation and cryotherapy on the advice of Joe Rogan.

## Quotes from the episode

* Jimmy from Boston: "Bouncing around your house, like a young, hairy Denise Richards."
* Sebastian: "You cannot tap a window with any type of jewelry!"
* Sebastian: "You have a hot dog and it is very hard not to keep a smile on your face during the experience."
* Sebastian: "A book a week is not happening. I'm disappointed in myself."
* Sebastian: "I might even wear a ball cap." Pete: (Silence)
* Sebastian: "I've been walking around with a crooked ribcage, man!
* Pete: "Do you do the 'doc', if it's a chiropractor?" Sebastian: "I called the guy 'bro!'"
* Pete: "I see your crooked ribcage, and I raise you a torn labrum!"
* Pete: "Drain the tank? What part of $75 did you not get?"
Episode 186

Runtime
 Previous Episode

The guys play a round of Man-erios!

## Topics discussed

* Sebastian is ready for his house to be completed.
* Pete's daughter makes an impromptu appearance.
* Sebastian has an epic blowout en route to Napa for Lana's birthday, has to fend off a fellow motorist
* Pete enjoyed his spots at the Comedy Cellar alongside Howie Mandell and Artie Lange, not so much the changes in his old NY neighborhood
* Manarios: Gratitude toward a man who saved your wife and child asking you to name the child after him, Indian fiance asks you to share milk with the rats at the rat temple.
* Absent sponsorships from Creed cologne and Blue Moon, the guys enthusiastically read a sponsorship from Draft Kings.
* Sebastian acting news: providing the voice of Johnny the Groundhog in Nutjobs 2
* Angela Saviano has passed away.
* Pete is in LA this week taping "The Reel", Sebastian will be singing on the Goddamn Comedy Jam despite it's blasphemous title

## Quotes from the episode

* Sebastian: "It's quite the contrary my dear. When you come up with aggression, you are met with aggression."
* Pete: "Somebody get the memo; this is USA, we don't do deals!"
* Sebastian: "Please welcome Christiano Maniscalco. A male model walks out."
* Sebastian's friend back home: "That's not even one of your words. What? Are you trying to learn?"
Episode 388

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## Episode description

Pete witnesses a crime and Sebastian tries to stay on his feet at the Oscars!

## Topics discussed

* Sebastian is having trouble with the valet at the Hollywood iHeart studio.
* Pete sneaks in the cast by ditching the writer’s room, and talks about the ins and outs of the studio work day.
* Sebastian has a celebrity golf event with a stacked list of stars on the course.
* Sebastian recaps the Oscars including stories of plain clothes security, trying avoid another tripping incident, and setting his tuxedo buttons up for a potential stage journey.
* Pete encounters a police raid at the hotel room next to his and has a fellow laundromat user washing horse coats.
* Pete goes back to visit his childhood home and gets a surprising tour inside.

## Quotes from the episode

* Pete: “Could you imagine if I got fired during the cast?”
* Pete: “You don’t like people seeing you do things that you don’t do well bro!”
* Tiger Woods (to Sebastian): “You wear the tightest clothes in comedy.”
* Pete: “I wanted to be like ‘Guy, put your pen down and Google me. Three specials, three hour specials alright. You should be semi-nervous right now.’”
* Pete: “It’s called memory lane guy, take a stroll.”
* Sebastian: “Right before that I turned to the cop and I go ‘I’m dying here bro, this is fucking boring.’”
* Sebastian: “It reminded me of like the bell is gonna ring in school, a minute left, and then somebody raises their hand and wants to ask a question and you’re like ‘Oh no, it’s Friday. Just ask it Monday.’”

## Tags

iHeart hollywood studio, valet, parking, writer’s room, script writing, golf, Bubba Watson, Tiger Woods, Larry Fitzgerald, Josh Duhmel, Alex Rodriguez, A-Rod, Derek Fisher, Michael Pena, Jack Johnson, Kelly Slater, fake laugh, birdie, par, Oscars, Irishman, security, stairs, trip, fall, Parasite, tuxedo, Joaquin Phoenix, milk, dairy, Elton John, J Lo, Judd Apatow, Jason Statham, Snoop Dogg, J.B. Smoove, Brad Pitt, Bradley Cooper, Leonardo DiCaprio, family feud, hotel, police, cops, arrest, laundromat, horse coat, laundry, bleach, Oakdale, Long Island, house, New York, elementary school, kindergarten, hometown, Eminem, acceptance speech, interpreter, mic, Bong Joon-Ho
Episode 204

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   This rare occasion, the guys are face to face in L.A. for the show. They discuss the lack of progress in building Sebastian's house and Pete's disappointment with his own nude body!

## Topics discussed

* The guys are broadcasting face to face from the Melrose Improv
* Sebastian is on page 172 of the Andre Agassi biography
* Pete went on a tour of Sebastian's home construction project before the cast, is underwhelmed with the progress
* The guys discuss their techniques for staying awake while driving; rubbing bare feet on the carpet, slapping your own face
* Pete reveals his plans to leave Fredonia for California based on the slow progression of climate change.
* We learn more than we ever needed to know about Pete's potty training techniques
* Sebastian talks about "There's Something Wrong with Aunt Diane" on HBO, and an EPIX documentary on the Rocky movies.
* Sebastian is bothered by is seatmate's behavior towards the flight attendant and audible laughter, continuing a 7-week streak of noncommunication.
* The Correale's Christmas gift finally arrived, stone & wood insulated ice cream bowls
* A discussion of vitamins
* The efficacy of scentless products; Ben Gay, bleach.
* Sebastian has been decanting his wine prior to enjoyment, despite the requisite spilling risk.
* Pete's genitals are not aging well, despite the lack of photographic evidence of their prior glory.

## Quotes from the episode

* Pete: "How do you not walk up and go, 'Oh, what the fuck are we all lookin at now?'"
* Pete: "Once they go wood, can you take stuff to make them again not be wood, or are they just wood for life?"
* Sebastian: "My father in law believes that you shouldn't take vitamins in public." Pete: "It's right up there with flossing."
* Pete: "It's perfect, but it don't stink. Can you make it stink?"
* Pete: "My private area, it looks every bit my age. It has aged worse than my face."
* Pete: "That whole thing just looks...antiquey!"
* Pete: "Only once did I do a trim sitch down there...You would have thought I told her I had a male lover. She was so turned off by that."
Episode 5

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## Topics discussed

* In light of failed attempts by DJ Lou to secure Lolo Jones as a guest, Sebastian teases next week's guest: Los Angeles Jesus Christ
* Discussion of exotic locales where the guys have performed, including Pete entering "enemy territory" with Mario Bassil in Lebanon and Sebastian sneaking into meet Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi
* Live clip from Pete in Des Moines, Iowa
* Pete's brush with Billy Joel
* Commercials for free for products we actually like: Sebastian presents Lululemon
* Sebastian travels on camelback to see Egyptian tombs, enduring multiple police shakedowns

## Quotes from the episode

* Sebastian: "Hey Lolo...you missed out."
* Mario Bassil: "Would you like to come back to my apartment with my fiancé and experience \*real\* Lebanon?"
* Sebastian: "You heard pot, and then you heard Hezbollah, and you're still takin' the pot."
* Sebastian: "Here's wearing a full blown suit with the glove shoes."
* Sebastian: "I was more impressed with the Wynn Hotel and the Bellagio fountain." (Compared to Egyptian pyramids)
Andy Garcia

Actor Andy Garcia is celebrated for his significance to Italian-American culture on the Pete & Sebastian Show. Notable for his style and class, especially in the mid 1990's, Garcia acts as a tastemaker and inspiration. Multiple references have been made by the hosts to his silk-robed appearance in The Godfather Part III as an example of how a man should prepare himself when roused from sleep.
Episode 395

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## Topics discussed

* The guys give an update on their lockdown emotions and try to think of why bat soup was in human cuisine in the first place.
* Pete thinks about buying a gun after watching Contagion.
* Tanks driving through major cities have the guys worried about total chaos coming soon.

## Quotes from the episode

* Jimmy from Boston: “If Tommy C told ole’ Bis(quit) that he could cure the coronavirus by bathing in glass, this kid would ass-deep in a tub of broken beer bottles talking about how the ‘rona’s got nothing on him now cause he’s completely immune!”
* Pete: “Bro, I know she’s gonna give it up. I’m having bat soup before we even get together!”
* Sebastian: “If you don’t come out of this quarantine with a skill...”
* Sebastian: “Isn’t there a scientist somewhere in a garage mixing shit together going ‘I got it!’”
* Pete: “What are they gonna do, shoot the virus? Don’t you wanna see a parade of doctors coming down the road?”
* Pete: “You ever see this move at a red light when some animal opens up the car door just to throw their cup out...as they drive off you just hear a rifle fire one round into the air. Every car stops and everyone goes ‘fuck who is it?’”
* Pete: “I can’t be the smartest one in the room bro, that is fucking scary. And it’s happening too often now.”

## Tags

Coronavirus, COVID-19, pandemic, quarantine, bat, Wuhan, China, bat soup, wet market, gun, Contagion, tank, vaccine, cure
Episode 177

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To Do Lists, hanging with comedians, fighting a hillbilly, Jimmie JJ Walker, and celebrating America's birthday!

## Topics discussed

* Sebastian's Mom is turning 70, but he will spend six relaxing days in the Hamptons
* Sebastian went to comedian Ahmed Ahmed's birthday and appreciates the company of comedians
* Lana and Sebastian like to take Sunday walks for oysters and wine, did virtual reality at the Samsung store, play a game of spousal annoyances.
* Pete hung out with Ray Romano, conference-calls Jimmy Walker while in NYC.
* Sebastian is having a hard time following long-form HBO drama series, but is inspired by inspirational speakers.
* Pete gets into an altercation with a "country boy" for smoking at a gas station.
* After Pete hits his daughter, Sebastian hits his wife in the mouth.

## Quotes from the episode

* Pete: "You're like a tiger that reaches a certain weight and then you can't have it as a house pet anymore."
* Pete: "He's plugging the face. He's not even near the ass." (Re: pin the tail on the donkey)
* Jimmy from Boston: "But holy shit it's a good thing I don't have any secrets cause you would sell me out for a glass of milk & a cookie!"
Episode 11

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 Previous Episode

## Topics discussed

* The recording is a re-do because of confusion surrounding Sebastian's reserving of studio time, resulting in a venue change and an hour podcast not being recorded.
* Sebastian tells the story of his proposal, including an analysis of Sebastian's propensity for crying (including at the site of a ping pong game)
* Pete is dismayed to see Scott Bakula flying coach with his family, so much so that he researches the price of airfare, number of episodes he's starred in, and does on-the-street interviews regarding his level of fame.
* The premiere appearance of Manarios; drive stick, carve a turkey, throw a spiral, tie a tie, saddle and ride a horse, put a dog out of it's misery, patch drywall, change a tire, sew a button, write a poem
* A side conversation about home protection: gun vs baseball bat or fire poker
* JJ Watt of the Houston Texans coming to Sebastian's Houston show

## Quotes from the episode

* Sebastian: "I'd say 'I'm looking for my girl.'" Pete: "Girl? Why? Cause she's wearing your wrestling jacket?"
* Sebastian: "When I saw Titanic, wept." Pete: "How can you cry at a movie that has Billy Zane in it?"
* Sebastian: "Can we get Bakula on the show?" Pete: "Maybe if we edit out the Daddy part."
* Sebastian: "I see a cry and I think, this is fantastic let me hop in on this."
Episode 10

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 Previous Episode

## Topics discussed

* Pete critiques Sebastian's Christmas party
* New segment "My Hero's Hall of Fame:" Felix Hoffman, inventor of Aspirin.
* A discussion of Sebastian's Christmas lights, with a live call to Holly Jolly Christmas Lights and a stunning outgoing message
* Pete visits a potential kennel to watch his dog and is underwhelmed
* Despite having planned the wedding and honeymoon, Sebastian has yet to propose. Although he has been teasing Lana with fake proposal opportunities. The guys discuss proposal
* Sleeping with Sebastian: Andaz hotel in San Diego gaslamp district. 4/5 stars.
* Pete quizzes Sebastian on performers at the hurricane relief concert.

## Quotes from the episode

* Sebastian: "I'm the bitch."
* Pete: "If you took a vote of your guests, I'm sure they would rather have another Sebastian story over another plate of shrimp tempura."
* Pete: "Why don't you just put [the engagement ring] on the hood of the Porsche and do 20 down Melrose?"
* Pete: "Do you really want to get engaged in…running attire? Oh! What's this in my sweatpants?"
* Sebastian: "When she opens her eyes, I'm on one knee, balls hanging, with a ring."
* Sebastian: "Before we start the test- I didn't do any homework. But go ahead."
Episode 8

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## Topics discussed

* Sebastian leaves Pete a voicemail about how impressed he is with the end product of the podcast.
* Sebastian gets a real Christmas tree for the first time in his life, but hires out his light installation, to Pete's disappointment. We learn about heavy lights, depth, and flocking.
* Listener question: favorite comedians
* Pete's neighbor, Lorenzo, asserts that Whitney Cummings stole the idea for 2 Broke Girls from him.
* A discussion of Sebastian's egg nog recipe
* Live clip from Pete's live show doing crowd work with a 90 year old woman
* Sleeping with Sebastian: While in South Beach, Sebastian stayed at Sonesta Hotel in Coconut Grove, motion sensor under the bed lights your path to the bathroom. 4.5 out of 5 stars.
* Gym etiquette: an in-depth discussion of workout behavior and how one should conduct one's self therein.

## Quotes from the episode

* Sebastian: "Nobody is doing this...this is classy, it's done right, it's produced well...still not in the top 200!"
* Pete: "When you flip that switch, that's not your body of work!" Sebastian: "Yeah but I have the same feeling as if it was." (Christmas lights)
* Sebastian: "You remind me of Falling Down, that movie."
* Sebastian: "I wait for him to ask if he can work in, and then I walk away."
* Sebastian: "I asked out a girl in my spin class. I took a spin class. What the hell are you laughing at?"
Episode 211

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   The guys separately spend time with Brian Regan, Tony Danza, and Jerry Seinfeld!

## Topics discussed

* Sebastian is in a dilemma having acquired two hard-to-get reservations to the same restaurant, prompting a discussion of the inner workings of the reservation racket.
* Pete has a great time during his shows with Brian Regan and learns about peach schnapps, tour busses, Wayons brothers sexual preferences
* Inspired by Regan's partaking of local cuisine, Pete hits up Slyman's corn beef in Cleveland.
* Shuli checks in, offers himself and his kids as possible fill-in co-hosts.
* Sebastian talks about his dinner at Patsy's with Tony Danza
* Tony Danza has a full side-production of the show to prepare for this role as Sebastian's father
* Sebastian has cast Vanessa Lachey as the Lana character, casting a child actor has him
* Sebastian gets a master class in TV comedy via a dinner with Jerry Seinfeld and subsequent appearance at the Comedy Store
* Sebastian reminisces about his high school girlfriend Karen taking him to see live comedy in Rosemont IL, Pete talks about his first taste of live comedy, coupled with a magic act and his first zinger.
* Pete tells a story about Denis Leary owning a hockey rink in his old neighborhood
* Sebastian is receiving wine in the mail despite not remembering placing the order
* The guys discuss a name for Sebastian's TV show

## Quotes from the episode

* Pete: "It used to be tequila, now it's peach schnapps. What? You writin a fuckin book?"
* Pete: "You're sitting there in the belly of the beast goin 'yeah I hear ya!'"
* Sebastian: "I felt like I was in 1953...the only thing missing was a little cigarette after the meal!"
* Sebastian: "He actually hit me at the table!"
* Pete: "No disrespect here, but I don't have any Tony Danza ukulele albums...the guy's got hobbies."
* Pete: "Being friends with you is like being friends with Richard Branson...What'd you do last week? I got a turkey sandwich. Funny thing: I WENT to Turkey, to get a sandwich!"
Episode 217

Previous Episode

   Sebastian tells of the time he me The Purple One! Pete has great stories and he tries not to curse while telling them!

## Topics discussed

* A moment of silence for Prince, leading into Sebastian's Prince story
* Sebastian has a plane story heading to Buffalo
* Pete channels a drunk college kid's desire for a Big Mac during Fredoniafest
* Sal Vulcano & Joey Fatone came out to Sebastian's Vegas show

## Quotes from the episode

* Jimmy from Boston: "Enough with this useless hat wearin’ young Alyssa Milano-Looking tube of toothpaste!"
* Sebastian: "It was as if you could smell what a unicorn smelled like."
* Pete: "I would never make out with a man...but I think Prince would have the best chance."
* Pete: "Atlanta to Buffalo: loaded with heavy hitters"
* Sebastian: "My wife...I think she's turning into me"
* Pete: "You're bangin your wife where you mom banged your dad! That's more wacko than stuffin your dog!"
* Sebastian: "You wanna bang your wife in the kitchen...This is where my Mommy made pancakes!"
Episode 254

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Pete shows off his eclectic taste in music and Sebastian remembers that he once had a gig where he dressed as a pirate!

## Quotes from the episode

* Frank don’t wanna get in a onesie.
* Good for frank. I would rather touch the tip of a man’s private part.
* We do things about 65% Just leave it! It’s fine!
* It’s weird to do FaceTime with another man.
* He appoints himself as champion of the people…
* I just wanna say, right outta the gate, without getting yelled at...We don’t even get music to start anymore?
* I’ve heard it, and I thought it was love in the rain.
* If you wanna put a ring on it, coulda put...Oh yeah, don’t bother.
* It’s like a car wash, checkin out your car getting washed. (Babies behind glass)
* There’ll be plenty of time for holdin, when the dealin’s done. God forbid Lou hits us with a little Kenny Rogers.
Episode 245

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The guys are back for the new year! Find out how their holidays went: someone got slapped and tears were shed in this hilarious new episode!

## Topics discussed

* Pete reiterates how much he enjoys the Patemn Pad from Sebastian for changing diapers with class

## Quotes from the episode

* This just goes to show you the difference; on one side of the family they’re saving the world, on my side of the family they’re funding a kill site in Africa for elephants!
* This is a CWI, right? Cooking while drinking?
* You ever hug your wife and she doesn’t hug you back? Yeah, it’s like a mugging!
* They might have been having an outside meal, and to have a reindeer hat fly over the bushes?!
* Wooden feathers? What, are you in a tribe?
* Why would you even have these animals? You become the animal!
* She taps me and goes ‘are you into psychic readings at all’? Your energy is amazing.
* She starts pulling on my ears...Oh come on, man.
* Oh, what happened to mister fun guy from last night?
* Oh, I’m sorry mister artist! But you lost on 3 sets, I’ll be honest.
Episode 184

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Sebastian visits a Turkish bathhouse and Pete gets into yet another altercation!

## Topics discussed

* Pete is in Lake Champlain Island in the middle of a field
* Took his daughter to the island clinic with a fever, suspicion of Coxsackievirus
* Sebastian's privacy is violated by knock-and-enter hotel staff
* Sebastian picked up a bug in Turkey and has been in the bathroom since
* DJ Lou interlude with a Pete crowd interaction
* Sebastian's public restroom nesting ritual, including bringing his own natural odor eliminator (Freshwave)
* Sebastian's adventures in a Turkish bath
* Listener advice column: proposing to a woman with an intimidating mother
* Sebastian posits a suggestion for avoiding shootings with pre crime head-baggings.
* Pete has a doosey of a travel story involving Dollar rent-a-car.
* Pete butt-dials JJ Watt.

## Quotes from the episode

* Pete: "Even when she needs Tylenol, I'm like, should I break it up?" Sebastian: "Yeah, muddle it, like a mojito."
* Pete: "You almost hate to leave, it's like a bird that's done with the nest."
* Pete: "To the point where if the plane went down and you had an opportunity to save that person, you might not based on what they left in the bathroom."
* Pete: "When someone says they drink a lot of water, I almost want to waterboard 'em."
* Pete: "She's like a matador!"
* Pete: "He basically said 'I'd be happy to jerk that angry face off of ya if you'd like!'"
* Sebastian: "I don't think we're using the head bag enough."
* Pete: "All of a sudden she goes Compton on me!"