Thomas and the Magic Railroad

***Thomas and the Magic Railroad*** is a 2000 British-American Fantasy Adventure film based on the television show *Thomas & Friends* and its American spin-off *Shining Time Station*. It was produced by Gullane Entertainment, The Britt Allcroft Company, Isle of Man Film Commission and Destination Films and was distributed by Icon Productions in the UK and Destination Films in the US.

## Long ass Story

Mr. Conductor begins the fucking long as fuck film introducing Thomas The Tank Engine, his engine friends and the Island of Sodor.

At Killaban, Gordon complains to the star of the movie, Thomas that he is eight seconds late with his fucking passenger local. Thomas retorts that Gordon is being bossy as fuck, because he wants to be really reliable and right on time and says that he has to find Mr. Conductor, who is looking after the North Western Railway while Sir Topham Hatt is taking a holiday. When Gordon claims Mr. Conductor is not needed, he then changes his mind when an evil diesel named Diesel 10 speeds by, kicking up dust and dirt and leaving Gordon physically rattling in fear. Thomas reminds him how devious Diesel 10 is and how he is 10 out of 10 for devious deeds and brutal strength.

Mr. Conductor then introduces the town of Shining Time, where we see happy residents, full of life at the station.

Thomas is later talking to James at Tidmouth Sheds, after Thomas accidentally bumps into some buffers and James being shut up in the sheds by Sir Topham Hatt for being naughty, when Diesel 10 shows up and voices his plan to destroy a lost engine named Lady and thus establish Diesels as the dominant engines on Sodor. While James is confused, Thomas is worried and goes to find Mr. Conductor.

After seeing Billy Twofeathers' map and noticing some strange lines on it, a boy from Shining Time named Patch heads off to Muffle Mountain to see Burnett Stone once the Rainbow Sun arrives.

There is something on Muffle Mountain, a secret that Burnett only shared with his childhood friend and future wife Tasha: he promised he would drive an engine and take her with him. When Patch sees the engine, Burnett reveals the engine's past - her name is Lady since she was sealed inside Muffle Mountain since Diesel 10 crashed and nearly destroyed her long ago. Burnett has fixed her up, but informs Patch that she still needs coal to fully run again. Unfortunately, Lady requires special coal to build up steam, which he has not found yet.

At Diesel 10's fucking mountain (how'd he afford that?), Diesel 10 tells his cronies Splatter and Dodge of his plan to get rid of the lost engine. The two bumbling diesels report that Mr. Conductor is coming to Sodor, so Diesel 10 decides to destroy him too, only to humiliate himself in front of Splatter and Dodge when his claw whacks him on the nose.

Mr. Fucking Conductor prepares to leave Shining Time. Despite difficulty with his gold dust and a little chat with Stacy about Burnett's pass, he soon meets Thomas on Sodor. Thomas reports on Diesel 10; Mr. Conductor decides to use his gold dust to keep Diesel 10 in order.

Burnett looks at a painting of Lady and starts to have doubts in his belief of magic due to his failure to guard her. Meanwhile, far away, Burnett's granddaughter, Lily, prepares to visit him.

Thomas, James and Gordon begin arguing about who should have taken Mr. Conductor and Gordon boasts that Thomas is too small to do important jobs, unaware that Splatter and Dodge are shunting trucks nearby. Over in the yard, Splatter and Dodge are spying at the steam engines. Henry tells the other engines about why Diesel 10 wants to find the lost engine, Percy and James decide to find her before Diesel 10 does. Splatter and Dodge continue to laugh at Thomas until Harold flies by, spreading sneezing powder, dumped by Diesel 10, over all three fucking engines.

At fucking Knapford, Mr. Conductor reads the note Sir Topham Hatt left him. After trying on his top hat and returning it after he notices the portrait of the Controller appears angry, then smiling, he receives a phone call from Sir Topham Hatt and receives his instructions.

That night, Mr. Conductor and the engines are asleep at Tidmouth Sheds when Diesel 10 rolls up and demolishes the side of the sheds with his powerful claw. Mr. Conductor reprimands Diesel 10, but then finally discovers that he has run out of gold dust.

As Diesel 10, delighted, tries to get Mr. Conductor to confess to the lost engine's whereabouts otherwise he will destroy the shed even more, but Mr. Conductor frightens Diesel 10 away with a bag of sugar and threatening to dump the sugar in his fuel tanks to seize him up permanently. Mr. Conductor voices his fucking concern about his gold dust, but tells the engines to go back to sleep, despite their concerns.

Later that night, Mr. Conductor has a nightmare of Shining Time in ruins and realises that his universe is in danger and that he needs more gold dust, Percy overhears this.

The next fucked up morning, Mutt goes to Lily's hometown with Billy, as he knows that Lily can help Mr. Conductor, but only if she meets someone special at Shining Time first. To reach that end, he directs her onto the wrong train, placing her on the train bound for Shining Time instead of the train to Muffle Mountain. Meanwhile, Burnett Stone hears the sound of Lady's magic echoing through the fucking mountain.

Back on Sodor, Mr. Conductor is helping make James' itch go away. James is enjoying the blowjob. When James notices that Mr. Conductor looks so tired and asks if it is because he is red and Diesel 10 says red is very tiring, Mr. Conductor happily says, with a mouth full of cock, that red is bright and cheerful just like his gold dust. He then sends James off to work while he departs to deal with his own problems.

Mr. Conductor goes to the windmill in search of more gold dust, but gets lost. Fucking Meanwhile, the engines gather for a meeting. As Bertie passes by and tells them to smile, all have their individual concerns about Diesel 10 destroying Lady. Thomas heads off to look for Mr. Conductor to help him. Bertie offers a race with Thomas, but Thomas apologises to him when he is unable to accept Bertie's offer for a race and decides to help Mr. Conductor solve some mysteries.

Mr. Conductor finds a note left by a god damn Rabbit (Like, what the actual fuck!) and tries a carrot and a stick of celery to make him think properly and has the idea of his beach-loving cousin Junior, who has used up most of his gold dust too. He tells Junior to go to Shining Time Station first and get his emergency whistle, then go to Sodor and warns him not to talk to anyone about the buffers. Before he can say anything else, the phone line goes dead.

The Rainbow Sun arrives at Shining Time and Mutt barks at Lily to get off the train. Lily finds the station empty and meets Junior. After a talk, Lily picks up the gold dust Junior leaves behind. At Sodor, Mr. Conductor is sleeping by a bush when he has another nightmare and wakes up hearing Thomas calling his name. While Mr. Conductor tries to reply, poor Thomas cannot hear him as he chuffs away.

Lily meets Stacy, who takes her to Burnett who is talking to a biker. That night, Burnett and Lily hear Lady's whistle coming from the mountains. Patch, who is outside with his horse, hears it too.

As Percy arrives at Knapford with the Mail Train, he and Thomas talk about Mr. Conductor and conclude that he travels to Sodor on a magic railroad by a set of magic buffers. Diesel 10 overhears them and goes to the Sodor Ironworks to tell Splatter and Dodge his plan. Toby, who has secretly followed them there, hears their plans when the diesels arrive and interrupts them by ringing his bell. Trying to smash him, Diesel 10's claw causes the shed to crash down on him, Splatter and Dodge, thus blocking their path.

The next day, with the diesels trapped, the steam engines work very hard on their branch lines, delivering goods and passengers to every station and yards, as repairs continue.

Thomas finds fucking Henry with a bad cold and offers to get some special Island of Sodor coal to make him better, but while collecting them, fails to notice the sixth truck rolling away into some magic buffers. Bertie passes and greets Thomas and his five trucks; Thomas is confused.

When Thomas tells Percy about the missing truck, they realise that the buffers where the truck disappeared are the buffers leading to the Magic Railroad. Thomas tells Percy to guard the buffers while he goes to find Mr. Conductor, citing that Percy is a brave engine.

Meanwhile, Mr. Conductor is wandering aimlessly when Diesel 10 appears. Mr. Conductor is captured by Diesel 10's claw and is dangled over the viaduct. Diesel 10 reveals that he knows about the buffers and threatens to drop Mr. Conductor if he does not reveal its whereabouts. Mr. Conductor notices the viaduct has begun to collapse, just like in his dream and realises the world is beginning to fall apart without the gold dust. Mr. Conductor escapes by cutting a hydraulic tube to Diesel 10's claw, thus catapulting him to the windmill. There, he sees the words: "Stoke up the magic in the mountain and the Lady will smile, then watch the swirls that spin so well." Splatter and Dodge ask Diesel 10 how come he let Mr. Conductor escape, he replies that he just did it on purpose and was testing to see if he could escape. Splatter and Dodge mock him and Diesel 10 angrily decides to attempt to teach them "how to stop being stupid," but knocks coal all over himself. James, Gordon and Henry laugh at Diesel 10.

Lily is introduced to young ass Patch, who offers her a horse ride to Shining Time. There she meets Junior again, who offers to take her to Sodor via the magic buffers. They meet Thomas, Annie and Clarabel, who agrees to help and uncoupling the coaches, together they find Mr. Conductor at the windmill. When Mr. Conductor tells Junior about his clue to the gold dust, Lily is introduced to Mr. Conductor. Junior accidentally climbs onto the sail and is flung onto Diesel 10. Meanwhile Patch tells Burnett that he has no idea where Lily is and that she was not at the station when he went back for her. Despite Lily having apparently vanished, Burnett is confident she will turn up again.

That night, Percy finds Splatter and Dodge at the magic buffers. Splatter suggests telling Diesel 10 about the buffers tomorrow and Percy races to warn Thomas.

Mr. Conductor and Lily camp out with Thomas. After a conversation, they realise that Burnett may hold the key to the clue of the gold dust.

As fucking Burnett reveals to Patch that Lady is magic, they realise that the railroad is vanishing.

Thomas and Percy decide they must get Lily back to Muffle Mountain before Diesel 10 destroys the magic railroad. Thomas wonders how Lily can get home without gold dust, Mr. Conductor reveals that only the lost engine could do so now. Then he has the idea and asks Thomas if he will take Lily to Muffle Mountain. Thomas is not sure but decides that he will try before he and Lily set off. Guided by a tumbleweed, the two roll right through the magic buffers.

While journeying through the magic railroad, they discover the missing truck. While Lily realises the connection between the truck, the clue so Thomas decides to go back for it before setting off again. They soon arrive on Muffle Mountain with the coal truck behind them. As Lily leaves to find Burnett, a gust of wind blows Thomas down the hill, away from the coal truck and back into the magic railroad through another portal at the bottom.

Lily finds Patch, who takes her to Burnett's workshop. Lily figures out only special Island of Sodor coal can make Lady steam, so she fucking sends Patch to collect the coal from the truck.

Diesel 10, with Junior still on his cab, races into the Smelters where he corners James who is working their. Junior tries to whistle both of them out, only to discover that he too, is out of gold dust. As Diesel 10 pushes the two into a melting pit, Junior uses the last of his extra gold dust to teleport himself and James away to safety. The two arrive near the buffers, where Mr. Conductor is there waiting.

James happily departs, while Mr. Conductor and Junior, both out of gold dust, refuse to give up hope. Lily asks Burnett Stone if Tasha took a ride on Lady and if she loved her as much as Burnett did. Burnett says that she loved it because he loved it, but could not fix her in time for Tasha to take a ride on her before she passed away.

By now Burnett Stone has finally got Lady to steam using special Island of Sodor coal, from the truck Thomas and Lily picked up from the Magic Railroad and along with Lily, Patch and Mutt, they set off into the magic railroad. The magic railroad, receiving energy from Lady, comes back to life, while Lady's face appears. The team encounter Thomas before appearing on Sodor, through the buffers, where they reunite with the two conductors. Junior happily states they can go to Shining Time, but Mr. Conductor fears that without gold dust, they will not make it back to Shining Time.

Before the team can find the rest of the clue, they are found by Diesel 10, Splatter and Dodge. Diesel 10 starts to close in on the two engines, with his claw raised up and orders his cronies to destroy Lady, but Splatter and Dodge, fed up with Diesel 10's ways, betray him. Thomas offers to help Lady, with Burnett driving Lady. Mr. Conductor warns them about the collapsing viaduct. Just as the engines run away from the large diesel, the conductors realise that Lady is part of the clue to the gold dust.

Diesel 10 chases the fleeing magic engine, Thomas and Burnett throughout the Kirk Ronan sites, until they approach the Viaduct. As Lady and Burnett pass, a gap appears on the viaduct. When Thomas manages to make it across the gap in time before it worsens whistling cheerfully, Diesel 10 brakes hard, but falls off into a sludge barge and is towed away.

Thomas, Lady and Burnett return, where they and the rest of the team work out the answer to the riddle. Wet assLily mixes water from the well with golden shavings from the magic railroad and with a little encouragement, tosses them into the air, where they form into gold dust. Delighted, the conductors re-supply their whistles, while Thomas and Lady thank each other.

Patch and smelly ass Mutt go to look around, while Junior gives Lily some gold dust. Junior tells Mr. Conductor that he wants to work now, so Mr. Conductor gives him his hat and sends him to a railroad with "palm trees and sunny spells." After Junior leaves, Sir Topham Hatt calls and says that he is on his way back, so Mr. Conductor sets off to welcome him, letting Sir Topham Hatt know that everything is under control before he hangs up. Lily offers her gold dust to Burnett, who sprinkles it on her bluebird toy and whispers that they will "always remember their Shining Time together."

With fucking Lady and the Magic Railroad back to life, Shining Time is restored to its former glory. Thomas happily puffs home to Tidmouth Sheds into the sunset and the end credits roll.

Thomas then wakes up and screams as loud as he can, only to relise, he's ok, and in the Ffarquar sheds. Percy asks what the fuck knuckles just happened, and Thomas says, "I feel like I was on LSD. And Edward wasn't there."