A Life of Lisa Loud

My stories of Lisa's point of view.

## Part 1: Misadventures at the Museum

I got up this morning. I saw my little sister, Lily still sleeping. She is so adorable, I love doing tests on her tiny baby brain.

Then I came downstairs for breakfast. All my older siblings were crowded around the table. Leni was staring off into space, Lori was text-messaging her boyfriend, Bobby, Luna was playing really loud music, Luan was telling really bad jokes, Lynn was trying to play basketball with an apple to toss in her mouth, Lincoln was eating his cereal while reading a hokey superhero comic, Lucy was trying to read others fortunes (which by the way never actually comes true..), Lana and Lola were fighting over the prize in the cereal.

And me? Well I need to try to eat in peace so I can head to the new science museum that opened up across town. I'm sure Mom or Dad could take me, that is, if they aren't too busy reining my obnoxious siblings under control...

Maybe I'll ask Lincoln's friend, Clyde's dads to take me....

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Now I need to see if Mom and dad could bring me...
"Can I check out the new science museum? It may give me new inspiration for my experiments. The only problem is you might need to take me, Mom."

"Sorry, Lisa, ask your father... He's in the attic." Mom stated.

So I went in the attic. Dad was cleaning up old momentums and keepsakes. I'll try not to interrupt him.

"Hey, Dad. I want you to drive me to the science museum. It's urgent I go. I'll need some inspiration to my new experiments. So what do you say?" I said with pleading eyes.

Dad said, "Sure. Just after I find your mom's old high school yearbook. I want to make her reunion with her old friends very special."

I said, "Okay... Though it's kind of urgent.. I have a project at school, too."

Dad said, "Ask Lori to take you.. She has her license, doesn't she?"

I said, "I guess. But wouldn't she be texting Bobby or something of the matter.. Oh what the heck!"

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I went into Lori's room. She, of course, was messaging Bobby. I popped the question there.

She said, "Lisa, heavens NO! I was going to take Bobby out for the afternoon!"

I figure that won't last long. It's statistically proven that high school relationships NEVER work out in the end... She'll be begging to drive me places, and later, I may just refuse...

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Lincoln noticed my down expression.

"Lisa are you okay? I just got back from Clyde's. We can talk if something's wrong." Lincoln said looking concerned.

I said, "No.... I just really wanted to go to the new museum today, but looks like plans change..... Mom's busy, Dad's busy, and to heck with it, Lori's too self absorbed in Bobby that she refuses... I can't take being overlooked any more! I just can't... Now if you'll excuse me, I have some tests to do on Lily."

Just then Lincoln looked like he had an idea.

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Moments later, I was in for a major surprise.

Leni, who just got her license after much failures, volunteered to take me to the museum...

I said, "Gee thanks Leni! At least someone cares!"

Leni said, "Of course... Though it may run short, I have to be back in time for curfew at 7:00."

I realized it was 6:00! That wasn't what I had in mind!

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The museum was GREAT! I learned so much - but I already knew half the junk in the museum.. Like Pangea was Earth's super continent, a molecule can split an atom, and the elements on the periodic table... But who knew methane could cure diarrhea!

It's been real. Lisa out!

## Part 2: Poop Studies Gone Right

I woke up again. This time, Lily was roaming around without her diaper. Gross, I may add - though helpful for my next experiment "Will Lily poop inside or outside of her diaper? Will she make it to the plastic potty I installed in my 'lab' or will she fail and poop all over my rug?" Mom & Dad wouldn't let me have a real science lab, so I have to do poop studies in either my room or the bathroom... Apparently, Dad hates it done in the kitchen during dinner... Apparently, so does Lola. She hates it the most, I can't explain why.

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I momentarily went downstairs. Lola noticed me and said, "Lisa, you won't do those nasty poop experiments on me, will you?" I grinned sheepishly and said, "No-noooo. Not at all..." This was a total lie, but how can I get her to go to the bathroom without suspecting I lied about this?

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I then thought of my master plan, ie. experiment 1,062 this year. I just need a better test subject, Lola's such a squeamish brat any wrong move can blow the experiment. So I decided to go with her twin sister, Lana... This has to work.

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Moments later, I asked Lana. She said, "That would be awesome! I love poop! I could say it all day! Poop, poop, poop!" Wow she's an ignoramus! I said, "You don't say poop! You poop poop!" I couldn't contain my laughter at this awkward moment. "Pardon me. You actually just poop into this vile. Simple as that." Lana looked with wide eyes, then said, "Well still awesome! Brb!" Then she snatched the vile from my hands and did her nastiest.

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Moments later I saw the sample. "Eureka! I just found the cure for diarrhea!" I then scraped the substance off the vile and put it in my test tube. Gross, I know. But it has to be done! Lana seriously will thank me later...

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Then as I was taking notes for my poop samples, Lincoln comes barging in and says, "You really need to stop with your poop samples. Lana told Lola she was your next choice and then Lola told everyone that you are obsessed with poop! I told her that's ridiculous, but Lola insisted it was true." While I do love a good old banter between sisters, this has gone on long enough. I'm not obsessed with poop, it's just the only thing that has the biggest reaction in my experiments. They'll just have to accept that... Lincoln too. He does some crazy things as well, like read comics in his underwear. How immature and foolish  can one get. A pretty high percentage I might add. I told Lincoln all this, and he just gave me the puppy eyes. Which I'm not falling for 100 percent.

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I then went with what I was doing. Then heavens know, Lola comes bursting in, with makeup smudged all over her face, claiming she can't look in the mirror cause Lana put a bet on her saying she can't look in the mirror for twenty-four hours. Lola said, "Look how hideous I look! I look like a monster don't I! How will I look beautiful again!" I've had enough. "Oh for the love of Pythagoras, here's a mirror!" Lola said, "Huh? Well, whateves! I'll show Lana!"

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Thus today goes to a close.. I started to go to sleep until. Lincoln came into my room to ask me if I was going to stay at his school or if I was going back to kindergarten. I personally can't go to either, full of ignoramuses who can't spell, read, write, or do any science experiments whatsoever!

Now I have to get to sleep so I can do more fun experiments.

Good night and bye bye.

Lisa Loud signing off

## Part 3: A Valuable Life Lesson

I awoke for another brand new day! I saw Lily, still sleeping, looking adorable as usual. I then realized it was a school day. I love school, but I already know a lot they teach... Personally, I should have started out a brain surgeon, then work my way up to molecular physics and endoscopy surgeries.

But, alas, I'm headed to school, ironically in Lincoln's class. How will that turn out for me? Well you're about to find out!

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I went downstairs. Mom said, "Have a good day at school Lincoln! You too, Lisa!"

I then got on the bus, and Lincoln and Clyde were at the bus stop talking about how they'll sit next to each other and exchange comic books. Personally, I'd like to sit alone with a nice window seat and just read my physics book.

So that's exactly what I did for the next half hour.

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Then I headed into Lincoln's classroom. His teacher said, "You all remember Lisa. Now make her feel welcome."

The teacher asked Clyde to give up his seat next to Lincoln so I could sit next to him. I personally didn't want to sit in the back with Lincoln, rather in the front so I can get in all the action. But I sat in Clyde's seat regardless.

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Clyde started crying and text-messaged his dads to come pick him up to see someone named Dr. Lopez. Lincoln sat there with a glare on his face like, "This is not my sister..."

I personally wanted to tutor Lincoln after school, but he insisted on doing homework by himself... I was halfheartedly for it...

Just then, the teacher started explaining what molecular bonds were. I just ate up that information, cause it's what I know so much about!

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Just then, Lunch came, and I proposed to sit alone, but this one girl Ronnie Anne say I sit at her table. She thought I looked "cool". I agreed to sit with her just until Lincoln coming up to me and yanking me out of the room. He said, "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo! That's Ronnie Anne!" I looked up confused, "So?" Lincoln face-palmed while rolling his eyes, "SO! SO? Ronnie Anne is the girl I have a crush on. Remember?" Now that you think about it, I have heard Lincoln talk about a girl named Ronnie Anne.... I said, "So can I sit with her or not?" Lincoln said, "No... She doesn't really know I have 10 sisters... So just don't go blabbing on about science studies, or fecal samples, or..." Lincoln obviously doesn't want me to be myself around her... So I'll just lie low about it...

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After lunch, I couldn't help but be myself! What wouldn't Ronnie Anne like about me? I could tutor her in math, science, and other curriculum's. She'd be all for it, since I heard she was failing math & science. I'd be a hero!

But Lincoln insisted I don't get involved like that.... Maybe he's right... So later that night, I decided for a change...

That night I corrected my eyes by giving myself laser eye surgery.

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Now I corrected my eyes so I don't need glasses anymore... But what am I missing... My outfit and hair, of course!

So I went to school with a brand-new hairstyle. I couldn't find a brand-new outfit, except in Lola's closet, but I'd look ridiculous in those tiny heels... I don't know how she does it... Acting different, though, could be a major sociological challenge yet. I don't understand how middle school girls would gossip like no tomorrow... And what's with those lollipop sticks that breathe smoke all about? Huh? I'll need back-up...

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At lunch, Ronnie Anne was talking to some other girls, who looked tough and mean. Ronnie Anne said, "What's with the new-girl's outfit... She knows green turtlenecks paired with huge metal clasps as necklaces DON'T mesh well with our group!" I looked sad. I thought I could impress her.... But I guess not...

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So, of course, my sisters all heard I needed makeover help.... That's just great, but did Lincoln overhear my murmurs of disbelief that Ronnie Anne would reject someone like me.... Or did he read my scientific studies, which said, "Get makeover fast; look cool" instead of an actual hypothesis? I didn't care anyways if he told everyone.... I need a single celled organism's way of looking at the world...

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Suddenly, the 4 most popular sisters came rushing to help me. Lynn, who knows how to talk to guys cause she's so much like one. Luan, who jokes about school that she got a student-exclusive award. Lori, who's the oldest one; she may have gone through my dilemma, or something like it. And of course, Leni, who always knows about the teen slang for different words are and what certain objects are that teens use. And of course she knows how the most popular would dress... They'll help me for sure!

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After just one hour of transformation, I think I got it all down. Leni took me to the mall so she can pick out some new clothes for me, Lynn taught me how to flirt with boys without sounding too smart, Luan taught me to make wise-cracks in class, Lori had bought some of those white sticks that breathe smoke; she called them "cigarettes".

Tomorrow, I went to school with an open mind (but not too open, as Luan mentioned a crack up of things I had to say... It's just not the smartest...)

I went in and said, "Heyyy!" to the first boy I saw, just like how Lynn taught me, which, surprisingly was Lincoln, my brother. He said, "Nice clothes! Though, your only four... I would lay off on some of the make-up..."

I thought: Pshh, what does he know... He's not a girl... He doesn't know what girls like which is why he's failed with Ronnie Anne before!

I then snuck out after class and tried those "cigarettes" as Lori called them... I breathed one in... "Yow! That reeks!" I said the first time... Second time, wasn't that bad..

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After I coughed out some IQ points, I headed to lunch where, of course, Ronnie Anne and her (as Leni called them) posse were sitting. They saw my new outfit and cigarettes, and said, "Ew! As. If! Those are poisonous!" I thought, poisonous, eh... I then went back to my usual, normal self. And that's when it dawned on me. I don't need to impress anyone... I can just be the same old Lisa Loud that my siblings would love unconditionally! Speaking of which....

I was furious at them for wanting to change me...

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So that's it! Oh, and by the way... I googled the side-effects of cigarettes... Not pretty, let me tell you... I don't recommend them..

Adios! In simpleton language, that's bye!