OOS 21

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Notunoth 4, after the group arrived in Oceanside, Tallo remained with Edger who they encountered on the beach immediately after arrival; the rest of the party is left to their own devices. It occurred between sessions 18 and 18.5.

## Transcript

Tallo:

*Tallo approaches Edger and says something along the lines of,* “He doesn’t want to have feelings and wants to go back to mindlessly taking orders, like how he used to be 900 years ago before being possessed by a dragon god. But I don’t want that! I don’t think that would help him. Also he’s dealing with the loss of everyone he ever cared about? Oh and also he’s dead without that dragon god keeping him around, but I EXTRA dunno how to approach that one yet.”

*But with more deets.*

*Basically coming at it from a perspective that’s not all “How do I solve this” — she’s really looking for “How do I support my friend?”*

Edger:

"Your friend is uncertain who he is. He is afraid of his feelings because they are contrary to what he thinks he should be, how he has been defined.

“He is bound by the shackles of his past, but it is more like a big, warm, comfortable blanket bunched around his arms and legs. It brings him solace, but it keeps him from moving forward.

“He will have to decide, as must all living things, who he *wants* to be, and what he will do to become it. You cannot force him to become hat he will, all you can do is show him that, even without his blanket, he has friends who will share their fire.

“Also that dragon thing is wack, yo.”

Tallo:

“How am I supposed to show him that? Anytime I ask him if he wants anything, he says he’s fine! And he’s always helping and rescuing *me*. I don’t have anything to offer him.”

Edger:

"You can't really show someone that you're there for them, you can merely *be there*. There will come a time when he realizes his path is untenable- there is no putting the genie of personhood back in the bottle- and he will have a crisis. Show him that all is not lost, and discomfort is not *bad*.

"I met someone on the road named Kiono, but nevermind. What about them is causing you to walk in disharmony?"

Tallo:

"you met--? oh yes that's right, she mentioned she met you. really, i *hate* kiono. she's mean and secretive and doesnt care about me, and i dont care about her."

Edger:

"Hm, do you know why she's secretive? how is she mean?"

Tallo:

"i dont know, she always just says it makes her uncomfortable and then the others yell at me for asking, so i stopped. but it's stuff that we should know about! i mean, she's being chased by someone who could kill us just for sticking with her, and she won't tell us practically *anything.*"

"and she's mean in so many ways! she tied me up one time--i was so scared then i thought i was going to die. i mean, i was wrong about the goblins but *still.* and she's basically said what i want isnt important. that *hurt*, you know? she also almost stabbed me! she is always getting in my way and shutting me down. i don't understand her. she scares me. she'd like it better if i weren't around."

"and i cant talk about it with the others! it just stresses ondo out and veg wouldn't listen to a word."

Edger:

"Do you trust your friends?"

Tallo:

"do i...?" *tone is like, what? where did that come from?*

Edger:

"Do you trust Ondo and Veg?"

Tallo:

*also she was ranting so she's still in that mode, so his question started to suck her out of it*

"Well......"

"You said I should always trust my teammates."

"I.....usually do."

Edger:

*he laughs* "I did, yes, but there's trust in combat, and there's *trust*. Do you believe in them?"

Tallo:

"...i think......most of the time i do, but there's some times i can't help but think, maybe they wouldn't be there if i needed them."

"is that....bad of me?"

Edger:

"No, it just means you understand how *they* feel. We all have things we don't want to talk about, because it makes us vulnerable. So it is with Kiono, Ondo, You... and me.

"Ondo's threats come from within- he is afraid of himself- while Kiono's come from without- it is the same fear- that if they relinquish control, if they expose themselves to harm, that others, including you yourself, would not help them when the time comes.

"If Kiono's pursuers caught up to you, and offered to let you go in exchange for giving them Kiono, what would you do?"

Tallo:

"i would--" *almost answers but stops, eyes go wide, like she hadnt thought about it and isnt sure what to say*

"I...."

Edger:

"It is not evil to say that you would consider giving her up" He says

"Because that is almost certainly how Kiono feels about you, she isn't sure. She doesn't know. She's afraid."

Tallo:

*she is thinking hard*

Edger:

*Edger gives her the air to think for awhile, reeling in and casting his rod again*

Tallo:

*after a long silence* "what would you do in that type of situation?"

Edger:

"It isn't fair of me to say 'I would find a way to overcome the situation'." He says "But if someone who has fought alongside me for even as short a while as you have with Kiono, I would fight for them.

"Because it is something Worth Doing. You may not be able to save them, indeed you may lose your own life, but if you give them up you will have to live with never having *tried*.

"It is in those moments that bonds are truly forged.

"I'm not suggesting you throw yourselves recklessly into danger so that you can save each other's lives, but uh..."

Tallo:

*doesnt respond right away, is thinking and staring at the bobber*

"you would do it....even for someone who was really nasty to you?" *said very pensively*

Edger:

*He pauses for a while* "I have saved many people, and I have failed to save many people. " *he sighs* "I have only rarely regretted saving a life. But I have always regretted *not* saving someone.

"I am not eager to lose another student, you should not think that I am trying to guide you into sacrificing yourself for someone else." *He puts a hand on her shoulder and smiles* "And we are straying from the topic at hand.

"Throwing yourself into the maw of peril is not the only way to come to understand and trust each other, I was merely hoping to illustrate that she is feeling as uncertain as you are."

Tallo:

"oh....okay. i think.....i probably have to think about that more."

Edger:

"I trust you'll know what to do in the moment," He says, "It's how it always seems to go."

Tallo:

*she gets a light blush, because--'he has faith in me'*

*after a short bit* "you said something about another student?"

Edger:

"We all have things we don't wish to discuss," Edger says with a sad smile, "I once had a pupil I failed more greatly than I should have. I have regretted it ever since."

"What do you know of Kiono's pursuer?"

Tallo:

"you had a--um. okay."

"not much of anything really. apparently he's kiono's brother."

" don't know why he's pursuing her. apparently he's really fast and has claws for weapons."

"we ran into him once--his name's kitano."

"why?"

Edger:

*He laughs* "So not a lot, that's fine," he says, "If you want Kiono to open up to you, if you want to be able to- to be *allowed* to trust her, you can take smaller steps. This can work with anyone, but for now, we'll use your companion as the example-

"This threat of hers- it scares her because it represents a real and mortal danger to her, presumably. It scares you because you don't know anything about it.

"What resources do you have to help you find out more? Why not take the initiative to try and learn about it?

"What I mean to say is, if you can help her with her problems, she may open up to you. Similarly, if you ask her to help her with yours- even small things, but give her the chance to demonstrate her willingness to do so- then perhaps you can grow to understand her.

And really, enemies are just friends we don't understand yet.

"Unless they're like, Mind Flayers."

Tallo:

*snorts a little*

"I don't know about that. How could an enemy be a friend?"

"I dont think I want to open up to her, really."

"Is that....bad?"

Edger:

"It takes time, effort, and patience," he says, "but
it can be done."

"No, not especially. There's no reason you have to form a bond with everyone, nor a demand upon you to make the first steps. But be watchful, if she happens to make any herself."

Tallo:

*probably thinks of some star walk villain who turns good, and is like, oooooo*

*yeah, right. like she'd do anything like that.*

Edger:

*He gets a kind of homesick- he does think often about how those at the Palace of the Twilight Path are doing, and he may return there for awhile after his vacation.*

*I think mostly they get to talk about what Renn's been Up To, which he is appropriately impressed and praise-y about.*

*He doesn't know if it was a god, exactly, but he met a monstrous creature, dying alone on a beach. He could do nothing to save it, but felt its passing alone would be a tragedy, and so sat with it until it stopped breathing. He swears he felt a presence in that moment, but then it was gone.*

*He probably says "the Monastery" rather than “the Palace of the Twilight Path,” but would provide more details about all of that if pressed.*

Tallo:

"um.....say, edger? i mentioned that ondo has a hard time showing feelings, right? there's something he reacted kind of....well. weirdly strongly about, and it makes me wonder if maybe i....did something wrong?"

Edger:

"Oh? I'm sure it's not as bad as all that."

Tallo:

"i made a deal with my parents so i could travel for 2 years. i didnt think anything weird about it, really it feels like a great deal, but....both cecily and ondo were really. um. opposed."

"so i cant help but wonder what your thoughts are about it?"

"i....got married."

Edger:

"You made a deal with your....

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

............what."

Tallo:

*averts gaze*

Edger:

"Are you a future version of yourself?"

Tallo:

"um, yes. my parents were most certainly going to arrange a marriage for me at some point, so i thought it could not hurt to expedite the process if it means i get an opportunity to travel out of--"

"i beg your...pardon?"

Edger:

*He's calmly reeled in the rod and set it beside him, and turns to face Renn* "Are you some future adult version of yourself where it might have been acceptable to ask this of you?"

Tallo:

"wha...what?"

Edger:

"Renn, who you marry, if anyone at all, is your choice, and is not a decision that should be thrust upon you, even by your parents. If a marriage is arranged, it is still *your* decision to accept it or not.

"If they thought that your travelling was too dangerous to allow, then they should have forbid it. If they thought that it would be fine, they should have allowed it. Your freedom shouldn't have to be bargained for."

Tallo:

"well, i *did* accept it."

"um. mostly."

"it was supposed to be a betrothal, not a marriage, but....well, that's practically the same thing anyway...."

Edger:

"What do you mean it was *supposed* to be a betrothal?" *His tone is simmering, a bit intense.*

Tallo:

*starting to panic a little* "um, that's what the deal was, but....i really don't mind. it's. it's okay."

Edger:

"Did they not even tell you what you were doing?"

Tallo:

"um...no. they still are calling it a betrothal ceremony, but i know what it really was--"

"but um. it was necessary. if i were to die out here, i mean, for the sake of the household, they need julien there--"

Edger:

"Julien?"

Tallo:

"oh, um, that's his......"

"that's his name"

"did i...do something i shouldn't have after all?" *here comes the start of waterworks*

"but i just..."

Edger:

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"You couldn't have. It's not a decision that should have been asked of you to begin with." *He moves to embrace her*.

Tallo:

*lets him hug her* "that's....why not?"

Edger:

"because your heart is still growing, it is far too early to decide if it's something you want to keep, or give away."

Tallo:

"i...."

"what...should i have done in that situation then?"

"i really dont...regret getting to travel like this. i....think it is all worth it."

Edger:

"I can't tell you the best path," *he says* "It isn't that you should have done something different, it's very much that you should not have been made to make a deal in the first place.

"Your parents should have a far greater concern than the preservation of the family name."

Tallo:

"i guess.....deep down i guess it didnt...feel right, but....."

"I'm....." *full on crying now*

"I'm stuck with it, right? there's nothing i can do about it now."

"i shouldn't have--i really screwed up didn't i?"

Edger:

"There is something to be said for making the best of a bad situation. But if it is something that you would see undone, then we will undo it."

Tallo:

"n-no!"

"i cant. i dont want to go back home."

Edger:

"You did nothing *wrong*, Renn. But maybe it can be turned to your advantage all the same."

"What do you think of this Julien? Who is he?"

Tallo:

"i--i don't....he.... he has a shipping company in sunholme."

*having a hard time getting her words out*

"i...dont know what i--what i think of...him. he, we knew each other for a few--a few days, so......"

Edger:

"It's not something you have to think about now," he says "The helpful thing about the past is that it will always be right where it is when you wish to deal with it."

Tallo:

"...i just....i just wanted to make my parents proud of me. i....*sniff*"

*lots of shaky breaths throughout what she says*

"i....you know how much that means to me...."

"...i thought maybe--that maybe i could finally-- im just an idiot, arent i?"

"...i'm not going to make them--them proud of me. this wont make them proud of--of me. it's not...."

"it's really not okay, is it? I just--"

Edger:

"Renn, listen to me."

Tallo:

*takes a deep shakey breath*

Edger:

"Proud isn't something that you can *make* someone feel. Your parents should be proud of you because of *who* you are, not what you can do for them, *not* what ends you can further.

"I say this as someone who is *immeasurably* proud to call my student. If your parents aren't proud of what you've done, what you've accomplished in the short while you've been away from Wolis, then that is their own profound failing."

Tallo:

*really loud sob, buries her head into him*

*is like that for a bit*

Gloom:

*And this is where the party will find them next session.*

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