Elvis Presley

Not to be confused with the King of Pop.

Elvis "the Pelvis" Aron (alternatively Aaron) Presley (born January 8, 1935) was the world's biggest superstar, known as the "King of Rock n' Roll" and "the Atomic Powered Singer." He sang many songs like "Hound Dog," "Jailhouse Rock," "Suspicious Minds," and "G.I. Blues." In the words of the experts at Uncyclopedia, "Elvis rocked. He rolled. He wore blue suede shoes and" loved guitar. He also served as the 41st President of the United States.

## Early Life

Elvis Aron Presley was born on January 8th, 1935, to a poor family in Tupelo, Mississippi. He didn't know any of his siblings, as his twin brother, Jesse Garon Presley, died as a stillborn, and his half-brother, Jimmy Ellis (otherwise known as Orion, an Elvis-like singer) was given up for adoption when he was young. At age 11, he received a guitar as a present for his birthday, and he loved it so much he kept using guitars later in his career.

## Career & Military Service

   Elvis became a rock star after recording songs at Sun Records, including "That's All Right" and "Blue Moon of Kentucky Fried Chicken." Later, after getting his manager Colonel Harland David Sanders, he moved to RCA Records and recorded even more songs. However, due to his pelvis-focused style of dance, the government sent him to the U.S. Army out of fear that he would cause a teenage rebellion (this led to the death of his mother, Gladys Presley).

After manning up and finishing his time in the military, he hit the big screens after a special "Welcome Home, Elvis" TV spot by his friend Frank Sinatra. He starred in movies like "Kissing Cousins," "Love Chicken Tenders," "King Creole," and "Blue Hawaii." Speaking of Hawaii, he would later host various comeback specials, like the 1968 Comeback Special and the Aloha From Hawaii special.

## "Death"

On August 16, 1977, Elvis Presley (supposedly) died of a heart attack in the bathroom. His final words were "I'm going to the bathroom to read." After his death, Alabama man Boris Dump said that it "Must be hard being King."

However, experts are thinking that Elvis is actually alive and well, living in a retirement home with fellow death-fakers Michael Jackson and former President John F. Kennedy. American author Gail Brewer-Giorgio explained in his book *Orion* that Elvis Presley "ultimately [kicked] drugs (which supposedly was what caused him to have a heart attack), [lost] weight, [faked] his own death, and [drove] off into the sunset."

## Presidency

Elvis Presley got bored of touring in vain, so he decided to run for president. He won, and served two terms as President of the United States. He did many things during that time, including going to the UK.

## Current Life

Nowadays, Elvis hangs out at Graceland, performing songs for visitors and fans. He has since starred in the movie *The Godfather* as the owner of the McDonald's corporation.

## References

1. ↑ **Jimmy John's** is an American sandwich chain headquartered in Champaign, Illinois. The business was founded by Jimmy John Liautaud in 1983. After Liautaud graduated from high school, his father gave him a choice to either join the military or start a business. Liautaud, choosing the latter, initially decided to start a hot dog business, but changed to opening a sandwich business due to costs.
2. ↑ Uncle John's Uncanny Bathroom Reader, p. 508