Kirk Weiler

"Welcome to hell. otherwise known as Math e-Instruction

1/15/2015

**Kirk Weiler** (sometimes stylized as KIRK) is a paradimentional being. Spawned alongside the old gods of the first multiverse, KIRK has influenced many students and teachers alike and is sometimes considered more of a myth than a living being.

## True Biography

"Just so you know, I am VERY bad at drawing parabolas" is a mighty quote by the genius overlord.However, real or not, he is a legend in the eyes of those who live by his teachings. His exact fate beyond The day the Math Died was unknown, but it was revealed he was trapped in the forbidden zone by space peacekeepers after escaping Earth. He was briefly replaced by fugitive Señor Jordan before Kirk's own eventual escape. Señor Jordan was vaporized in a quasar for his crimes but was later revived by Lucas. It is likely Jordan and Lucas will battle Kirk in the future.

He then went on to meet ching's big bing bong reality show and then escaped to Naboo, where he met Mace Windu. After meeting Mace Windu, he was found to be force sensitive, which is uncommon around older species of any kind. Mace then took him to Mr Matla, his husband, to be trained as a jedi knight. They then developed a complex friendship after training every single day with Matla. He then married Padme, and had 2 beautiful children with her, including Maxwell, without Anakin knowing. Leaving Naboo before anyone knows of his existence in mortal worlds beyond Earth, he ascended and achieved his true form. It is widely known by the Followers of Weiler that Kirk Weiler currently resides in the World Beyond Worlds, the plane of existence forged from the First Calculator. The First Calculator is a magic tool of incomprehensible power, created by Kirk Weiler himself, as Kirk Weiler has existed before time, and will exist afterwords. With the power of the First Calculator, those the one true Kirk Weiler deemed worthy have the ability to create and destroy entire multiverses with the ease of calculating a simple two digit addition equation. They know that Kirk will come back and use the First Calculator to perfect this plane of existence, and Outsiders of the Followers of Weiler will be judged less gently than the Followers themselves. Although Kirk will be back to perfect us, he is Merciful. The Followers of Weiler have the official mission statement, "Weiler has saved us, and Weiler can save you too! Join us! (For legal reasons we wish to inform you that this is not a cult)" Weiler knows that the Followers are already more perfect than those who don't believe, so you must join the Followers of Weiler!

Kirk has often battled the Trickster Kirk 386 over the control of Kirksus. Kirksus being one of the most well known physical avatars of Kirk himself. Kirksus has been victorious thus far in their battles, but

Sometimes wearing his infamous red button down shirt, Kirk has chosen to share a few of his spells. In his series of educational videos under the guise of eMathInstruction, he has blessed us with the arcane magic known as the Pause. The Pause is a most fascinating spell, where-in Kirk Weiler will pause his instruction to let you--the learner of his teachings--catch up. It is said that prolonged exposure to the pause puts you in a deep, dark trance. The trance induced by the Pause is irreversible, unless Kirk Weiler himself brings you out, using the very life code that sustains the mortal soul and universe. Extreme caution is to be followed when Kirk weiler use the pause, as the trance is dangerous. The only survivor of the pause is the founder of the Followers of Weiler, Albert Einstein. Albert Einstein was trapped in the trance of the Pause, but was saved by Kirk Weiler, as Kirk had selected Einstein as a vessel to bring some of Weiler's most basic math to mortals. Kirk Weiler knew that no other mortals alive at the time were powerful enough to hold even a fraction of Kirk's most basic knowledge, like the Theory of Relativity. Einstein described the trance as being an otherworldly experience. Einstein described the hallucinations as an, "..object I have seen thousands of times, but has never before been seen." The trance apparently not only provides you with hallucinations, but also a solid ground to walk on endlessly, with objects that you can touch.Einstein described strange creatures, that had an eerily similar appearance to creatures non earth, yet had no similarities. Albert describes, "An odd town, with houses that hang on ropes from the heavens, restaurants that have no seating or chefs, but food always cooking. There were children 40 feet tall dancing around campfires, that shed smoke ever downward. The sky had no colour, yet it was every colour at the same time." Many of the greatest scientists, philosophers, and doctors have speculated about what the trance shows the tranced person. The common theory is that the trance is not in your head, but it brings you to another world. The Trance world is said by the Followers of Weiler to be the only world that Kirk didn't make. It is said that the Trance world is formed by the forgotten subconscious of Kirk Weiler, and it is added to by the subconscious of every traveling soul that visits it.

   Scientists speculate that Kirk may be of equivalent if not far greater power than Shaggy, but such reports have yet to be confirmed. Having evolved to becoming the ultimate life form, he no longer has need to ingest cells for survival, but can survive off of performance of math equations alone.

As the birth-child of Garfield and a TI-84, Kirk has time and time again been chosen as smash in any game of smash or pass. To quote the live action cut of the Emoji Movie, "keep thinking...and keep solving problems." And as the credits roll, we see a big picture of Kirks beautiful face bounce around the screen while Its Been So Long by The Living Tombstone plays at 10% speed for 80 minutes, while a lone custodian at the theatre does the maccarena without breaking eye contact with you. AFTER CREDIT SCENE: We see a very muscular man in a cloak step over to a book on a pedestal, with the letters E M A T H. And the screen goes black with text saying, "Kirk will return in E-MATH 2: The Phantom Menace". However, there are many misconceptions with Kirk, such as he cannot transcend time and space (clearly false) or that he has a burning hatred for the Sharkboy and Lavagirl franchise (also clearly false). But Kirk is more of a state of mind. We are all Kirk, whether we like it or not (you do like it)

he is the only being that has ever existed and will ever exist to come back from The Point of no Return. It is said that he could do it easily, and everytime he does it a multiverse is destroyed.

An effect Kirk's power has on orbital entities include the Kirk Moon.

Kirk's last known in-person physical appearance in our chronologically linear timeline was Fleeing the scene of the Great Challenger Explosion of 1986. He was spotted wearing an ape mask and live c4 in his hands. In 2015, A recent witness said that he saw a man with a massive bulge in his genital area was laughing as the spaceship exploded. Scholars believe that this was Kirk.

Kirk has taken numerous forms. The most famous being Kirksus. However, Glitch Kirk, Emo Kirk, and Hairy Kirk are either prior or temporary forms Kirk assumed.

Join the Kirk Fan Club today! Sign up at (248)-434-5508