Ellen (or: A Parody of the Television Show Ellen)

**Ellen (or: A Parody of the Television Show Ellen)** is a live sketch that was performed at the Enmore Theatre in Newtown, New South Wales. It is the first video in the Live at the Enmore series.

## Plot

Ellen is sitting, and introduces the sketch. She has a letter from a young girl called Kate, whose younger sister Jessica has been through a rough time. Ellen calls Jessica on the telephone, who is eating a chicken. Jessica thinks it might be Lemo calling, but in fact it is Ellen DeGeneres. Jessica's mummy is sick with type 2 dia- cancer, her father went missing in the Iraqi wars, she is $10,000 in debt and her car has broken down. Ellen tells Jessica to go to her front door, open her front door and tell her what's outside her driveway outside her front door.

Jessica sees a brand new Nissan Pulsar, gets in and Ellen tells her to open the glove compartment, where she finds $10,000 in cash. She takes the Nissan for a drive, but sees a mysterious figure, which is her long lost father. She embraces him, but finds a television remote on his back, and turns around to see a new Panasonic 3D TV, which she thinks is better than her father. The TV is playing footage of Noosa in Queensland, Australia, where she is right now.

She goes snorkeling and sees Redfoo riding a galapagos turtle. Redfoo gives Jessica a $20 oucher for Paul Newman's Own Salad Dressing, which she is told to take to a nearby grocery store. Paul Newman is working behind the counter and Jessica remarks that she loved him as the voice of Doc Hudson in Cars. She gives him the voucher, and he gives her blood diamonds, which Ellen needs her to take to the Czechoslovakian consulate in Shanghai.

The person manning the concierge there is an old wisened man, a kindly man who looks as if the world has forgotten him, who exchanges the blood diamonds for chips for the Shang Zhao Casino in downtown Shanghai. She is told to exit through the front door, where there is a man with a scar on his left cheek and a sky blue tie.

Jessica is then told to exit through the back corridor and a fire escape, pursued by blue ties. She goes in the door immediately to her right, and sees a black SUV out the window of the office. She gets in and is pursued by a 1974 Mustang driven by the man with the blue tie, then is told to take out a 9 by 19 mm Walter P99 German semi-automatic pistol from the glove compartment and shoots the man, killing him. At the casino, she heads to the roulette table and places the chips on 34 red, winning a blue orb of magical energy. She steps inside the orb, and gets a second Nissan Pulsar, which she drives until it flies. She sees a wormhole, which she travels through.

SHE SEES EVERYTHING. SHE SEES ALL CORNERS OF THE UNIVERSE. SHE SEES THE BEGINNING AND THE END. **SHE SEES AS HER PHYSICAL FORM DROPS AWAY AND SHE BECOMES NO LONGER MORTAL BUT WHAT YOU MAY CALL A GOD**.

She also sees a third Nissan Pulsar. Ellen DeGeneres celebrates.

## Characters

* Ellen DeGeneres
* Jessica
* Jessica's Mummy (referenced)
* Jessica's Father (referenced)
* Redfoo (referenced)
* Paul Newman (referenced)
* Old Wisened Man (referenced)
* Man With the Blue Tie (referenced)

## Trivia

* When the sketch takes place is unknown because casinos have been banned in Shanghai since the Communist revolution in 1949, but Redfoo was born in 1975 and Paul Newman died in 2008.