The Cat in the Hat (1971 TV Special) (321SPONGEBOLT's version)

## OPENING TITLES

(A couple of purple raindrops fall in the black background to a glockenspiel xylophone playing the background. The raindrops drip and play "Nothing to be done" until a big raindrop falls into the middle of the screen and forms a circle. Then the Cat in the Hat Productions logo appears.)

(On the Dr. Seuss Sing-Along Classics version by Fox Kids Video, the "Sing-Along" logo zooms into the middle at the bottom of the screen.)

Narrator: The Cat in the Hat presents...

(Cat closes his eyes as his bowtie spins, then opens his eyes as his hat squishes down, then up. Then we cut to the title.)

"Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat".

(Screen fades to black as the opening music closes. Then the screen fades from black as the opening credits music plays, revealing the top of Cat's hat. Dr. Seuss' name fades in and shrink while flying up. Then the logo appears underneath and grows in place. The camera flies down each stripe until it reaches the bottom of Cat's hat. Each stripe has a credit on it.)

**VOICE OF THE CAT**

**ALLAN SHERMAN**

**MUSIC BY**

**DEAN ELLIOTT**

**PRODUCTION DESIGN BY**

**MAURICE NOBLE**

**DIRECTED BY**

**HAWLEY PRATT**

**PRODUCED BY**

**CHUCK JONES**

**TED GEISEL**

**EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS**

**DAVID H. DePATIE**

**FRIZ FRELENG**

(Screen fades to black after the last note)

## Act 1 Transcript Part 1

(Screen fades from black revealing a puddle as it rains, then the screen flies up during a thunderclap. We see a house, with two bored kids looking at the window. The boy doesn't have a name, but next to him is his sister, Sally. Conrad has red hair and is wearing a white long-sleeved shirt, purple pants, and black shoes. Sally has blonde hair, and is wearing a pink bow and a white shirt with a pink dress, white knee socks, and black slippers.)

Narrator: The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play. So we sat in the house all that cold, cold, wet day.

(We cut to inside the house as the kids turn left while their off-screen mother speaks to them)

Off-screen Mom: Goodbye, kids. I'm leaving now. (Opens the door) Have fun. I'll be back uh, three-thirty [3:30pm] sharp.

(We cut to outside on the thunderclap. The kids watch the red umbrella walk left across the screen and they sigh.)

Narrator: I sat there with Sally. We sat there, we two. And I said...

(Screen cuts back inside as the camera pulls away from the kids. On the left, we see the family fish, Carlos K. Krinklebein. He too is as bored as the kids are.)

Boy (Off-screen) (Bored): How I wish we had something to do!

Narrator: Too wet to go out, and too cold to play ball. So we sat in the house. We did nothing at all.

## Act 1 Transcript Part 2 ("Nothing To Be Done")

Female Chorus: ♪Fun, fun, How can you have fun?♪

(Fish rises from his bowl as sees the room full of toys)

♪Just sittin' doing nothin' when there's nothin' to be done.♪

♪Nothin', nothin', nothin', nothin', Absolutely nothin', nothin'.♪

♪Positively, absolutely, Absitivly, posolutely, Nothin', nothin', nothin', nothin', nothin' to be done.♪♪

(Camera focuses on a doll and a teddy bear at the table with the tea set, then we cut back to Fish, who looks at the two kids.)

## Act 1 Transcript Part 3

Narrator: So all we could do was to sit. Sit. Sit. Sit. And we did not like it. Not one little bit. But then, all of a sudden, something went bump!

(Fish blows a few bubbles from his mouth until a bump makes him swim in shock, then we cut to the kids looking left.)

How that bump made us jump!

(We cut to the door, where a blue umbrella closes and is pulled away.)

We looked!

(The Cat's gloved hand shows his hat at the door and swings it down)

Then we saw him step in on the mat!

(Cat's foot slides against the "Welcome" mat)

We looked!

(The Cat walks in)

And we saw him!

(Screen cuts to Sally and the boy in shock and amazement)

Sally (Amazed): Look!

Boy (Amazed): A cat!

Sally (Amazed): In a hat!

Cat in the Hat: You will note, (Tightens his bow) I'm neat. Wiped my feet on the mat.

Thing 5 (Voice-over): Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Thing Five!

(Cat steps aside, allowing his owner to fly through at hyper speed. Then, he jumps onto a skateboard, sliding his other foot against the mat, making it fly until it lands on the Fish and covers his bowl.)

(Cat skates and Thing 5 flies through the house until Cat opens his umbrella and stops. Thing 5 lands with his feet, and the camera pans left to Cat as he closes his umbrella. He pushes the skateboard away with his foot, and in the next shot, Thing 5 jumps up and does a backflip.)

Thing 5: And applause!

(We cut to the kids stunned, then we cut back to Thing 5 clearing his throat.)

I said,

(Thing 5's "And applause!" is re-used, along with the fanfare.)

"And applause!"

(We cut back to the kids stunned, then back to Thing 5.)

Hmm. (Turns to Cat) I think there's something wrong with those kids.

Narrator: And he said to us...

Cat in the Hat: Why must you... why do you sit there like that? (Looks out the window) I know it is wet and the sun is not sunny, I know it is damp and the sidewalks are runny,

(We cut over to the Fish removing the mat off him and his fishbowl)

Cat in the Hat (Off-screen): but we can have lots of good fun that is funny! I know some good games we can play.

Narrator: Said the Cat.

Thing 5: I know some new tricks.

Narrator: Said Thing 5, standing next to the Cat in the Hat.

Thing 5: (Pops a bouquet of flowers out of his wand) A lot of good tricks. (Hands Sally the bouquet) We will show them to you.

(Cat's hand points to Sally next, and he pulls his hand out of the frame.)

Cat in the Hat (Off-screen): Your mother will not mind at all if you do.

(The kids smile, but turn to each other with uncertainty.)

Narrator: Then Sally and I did not know what to say. Our mother was out of the house for the day.

(We cut back to the Fish, who hops right out of his bowl.)

But our fish said,

Fish (Mad): No! No way! Out of this house! (Points right) I'm warning you, get!

(The Cat in the Hat and Thing 5 faces left in shock)

Cat in the Hat: Who's that? I believe we haven't yet met.

Fish: The name is Krinklebine. Carlos K. Krinklebine.

Cat in the Hat and Thing 5 (In realization): (Face each other) Ooh!

Fish (Mad): Now get out of this house, good day. Kids, make that Thing go away. Tell that Cat in the Hat you do NOT want to play! He should not be here! He should not be about! They should not be here when your mother is out!

(Fish holds his breath and hops back into his fishbowl. Cat and Thing 5 walk up to him and Cat sets his umbrella down as he pats the fishbowl.)

Cat in the Hat (Reassuringly): Now, now. Have no fear. Have no fear.

Narrator: Said the Cat.

Thing 5: My tricks are not bad.

Narrator: Said Thing 5, standing next to the Cat in the Hat.

Thing 5: Why we can have *lots* of good fun if you wish, (Takes his hat off and sticks his hand inside) with a game that I call,

(Pulls his hand out to his "Up-up-up" and pulls out a box of magic dust from his hat)

"Up-Up-Up With a Fish"! All it takes are a few bubbles.

(Thing 5 pours the magic dust into Fish's bowl, and Fish blows bubbles that Thing 5 can now magically pull out of the fishbowl. He and Cat start stacking the bubbles as we cut to the kids watching how high the tower of bubbles is.)

Thing 5 (Off-screen): And now, let's start the show!

(We cut back to Thing 5 and Cat. Cat squishes the tower of bubbles down as Thing 5 picks up the fishbowl and puts it on top.)

Cat in the Hat: Hold still. and (Lets go of the bubbles) off you go!

(We cut to the tower of bubbles slowly wobbling back and forth. On top the tower, the Fish topples from left to right while the bowl is tipping. The boy watches and we cut back to Fish, who is scared of heights.)

Fish (Scared): Put me down! P-p-put me down, you fool cat!

(Cat puts his hand up for the kids, and he raises his umbrella to the top bubble where the Fish prays on top of. One by one, the tip of Cat's umbrella pops each bubble until the fishbowl is back on the table. The Fish is relieved and calls out the Cat.)

Fish (Mad): Outrageous!

(The tip of Cat's umbrella scoops the fishbowl, and lifts him up.)

Fish (Scared again): Hey! Hey! Put me down!

Narrator: Said the Fish.

Fish (Scared): This is *no* fun at all! Put me down!

Narrator: Said the Fish.

Fish (Scared): I do NOT wish to fall!

(The camera pulls away revealing the Cat balancing the fishbowl on the tip of his umbrella)

Cat in the Hat (Reassuringly): Have no fear!

Narrator: Said the Cat.

Cat in the Hat: I will not let you fall.

(Jumps on the ball)

I will hold you up high as I stand on a ball.

(Cat rolls the ball to a bookshelf, grabbing a book.)

With a book on one hand! And a cup on my hat! But that is not ALL I can do!

Narrator: Said the Cat.

(Thing 5 fires his wand at Cat causing more objects to appear)

Cat in the Hat: Look at me! Look at me now!

Narrator: Said the Cat.

Cat in the Hat: I can hold up TWO books! I can hold up the fish! And a little toy ship! And some milk on a dish! And look! (Bounces on the ball) I can hop up and down on the ball! But that is not all! Oh no, that is not all...

(Thing 5's magic make more objects to appear on Cat)

Look at me! Look at me! Look at me now! It is fun to have fun, but you to know how! I can hold up the cup and the milk and the cake! I can hold up these books! And the fish on a rake! I can hold up the ship! And a little toy man! And look!

(Thing 5's magic makes a red fan appear on Cat's tail)

With my tail, I can hold a red fan! I can fan with the fan as I hop on the ball! But that is not all. Oh no. That is not all.

(The heaviness of the objects Cat is holding starts making him topple)

Narrator: That is what the Cat said...

(Cat slips off the ball and falls off. The screen violently shakes as Cat bangs his head off-screen.)

Cat in the Hat: Ow.

Narrator: Then he fell on his head! He came down with a bump from up there on the ball.

(To the descending music, the objects Cat was balancing scatters around and falls to the floor.)

And Sally and I, we saw ALL the thing fall!

(The empty fishbowl, the water, and the Fish fall from the ceiling to the music. The boy runs to catch the fishbowl, and we cut to the water and the Fish falling into a teapot.)

And our fish came down, too. He fell into a pot. He said...

Fish (Mad): (Pops his head out) Do I like this? Oh no! I do not. This is not a good game!

Narrator: Said our fish as he lit.

Fish (Mad): No, I do not like it, not one little bit!

(Thing 5 helps Cat up and they walk over to Fish to see if he's alright. The fish points fingers at Cat and Thing 5 for causing the mess.)

Now look what you two did!

Narrator: Said the fish to Thing 5 and the cat.

Fish (Mad): Now look at this house! Look at this! Look at that! You sank our toy ship, sank it deep in the cake! You shook up our house, and you bent our new rake! You two should not be here when our mother is not! You get out of this house!

Narrator: Said the fish in the pot.

Fish (Mad): Now let me repeat, and I don't like to shout.

(We cut to Cat with a worried expression. After the Cat blinks his eyes, we cut to Thing 5 worried, and then the kids realizing Fish may be right.)

Fish (Mad) (Off-screen, to the kids): But they should not be here when your mother is out!

(We cut to the Cat and Thing 5 depressed. Cat has his hands folded.)

Cat in the Hat (Sad): It's up to you kids.

Thing 5 (Sad): Do as you wish.

Cat in the Hat (Sad): Whatever you say.

Thing 5 (Sad): If you think we're untrustworthy...

Cat in the Hat and Thing 5 (Sad) (Off-screen): Send us away.

Sally: Well, they *are* getting the house sort of messy and dirty.

Boy: And mom will be back home at three-thirty [3:30pm].

Cat in the Hat (Sad): Hmm. A vote of no confidence.

Thing 5 (Sad): So be it.

(Cat and Thing 5 walk left to the door and Cats open it, but gives the kids a bow.)

Cat in the Hat (Sad): I most humbly bow to the voice of the majority. (Waves) Goodbye now, off to Siberia.

Thing 5 (Sad): Let's go, Cat.

(Cat closes the door as he and Thing 5 leave. A few seconds later, Thing 5 re-opens the door and runs back in.)

Thing 5 (Suddenly angry): OH NO YOU DON'T! I like this place, I like it a lot. I'll stay here as long as I want. And...

(The door suddenly opens again, but with Thing 5 getting slammed by the door as Cat runs in.)

Cat in the Hat (Suddenly angry): HA! Somebody stole my moss-covered, three-handled family gradunza!

(In the next shot, the Cat in the Hat points at Fish.)

Nobody's gonna leave this room until I *find* it!

Boy (Confused): Pardon me, sir. You lost a moss-covered what?

(We cut to the door closing. We see Thing 5 flattened.)

Thing 5 (Flattened): Three-handled... family... gradunza.

(Thing 5 peels off the wall and The Cat holds Thing 5 like a towel and whips him, unflattening Thing 5.)

Cat in the Hat: What *he* said.

Fish (Mad): (To Cat) Hmph!

Cat in the Hat (Mad): So, *that's* your attitude, eh, Krinklestein? Did *you* steal it?

(Screen cuts to Thing 5 with the kids)

Cat in the Hat (Sad) (Off-screen): There's a gradunza-snitcher in the house.

Thing 5: You'll have to excuse him, kids.

(We cut to a piano. The Cat enters from the right as he sadly sits down to play a song.)

Cat in the Hat (On-screen, now in tears): Things will never... be the same.

## Act 1 Transcript Part 4 ("The Family Gradunza")

(Cat inhales and starts to sing)

Cat in the Hat (While playing the piano): ♪How dear to my heart was that beautiful gradunza.♪

(Fish blows a few bubbles from inside the teapot)

♪That my old feline father bequeathed to me.♪

(We cut to the kids, then back to Cat.)

♪That old family gradunza.♪

(Cat sniffles as we cut over to Fish)

Cat in the Hat (While playing the piano) (Off-screen): ♪The old, three-handled family gradunza.♪

(We cut back to Cat as he sniffles)

Cat in the Hat (While playing the piano) (On-screen): ♪The old, moss-covered, three-handled family gradunza!♪

(We cut to the kids now feeling bad for Cat)

Cat in the Hat (While playing the piano) (Off-screen): ♪That hung♪

(We cut to Fish)

♪on the family... tree.♪

(Fish swims around in the teapot, and we cut to Cat walking up to a foot rest by the chair and sits on the footrest as he mourns.)

Cat in the Hat (Sobbing): I've been burgled... thwertled, by a fish. (Softly cries)

(As the kids watch Cat sad, they turn their attention to their fish.)

Boy (Feeling bad for Cat): Aw. Give it back to him, Mr. Krinklebine.

Sally (Feeling bad for Cat): Come on, now. Don't be mean.

(Camera zooms in on the Fish in the pot)

Fish: But I didn't steal his what's is.

Fish (Over dramatically): I'm guiltless! I'm clean!

Cat in the Hat (Sad): Thwertled by a fish.

♪I'll never see my darling, Moss-covered, three handled family gradunza... anymore!♪♪

Fish: By the way, Cat. Just what *is* a family gradunza?

## Act 1 Transcript Part 5

(Cat suddenly smiles)

Cat in the Hat: Oh, They come in all styles, from triple G to minus aught.

Boy: Is it bigger than a...

Cat in the Hat: Occasionally, on most occasions naught.

Sally: Is it smaller than a...

Thing 5: They no longer make that kind, but you are on to something.

(Thing 5 grabs Cat's hand and helps his pet up)

One family gradunza *is* always smaller than another.

(Cat and Thing 5 walk left out of the shot as Cat sings in tune of "Auld Lang Syne")

♪Should old family gradunzas be fogot,♪

(We cut to Fish tapping his fin on the edge of the pot)

Cat in the Hat (Off-screen): ♪and never brought...♪

Cat in the Hat (On-screen): ♪to... mind!♪

(Music stops)

Now, if I were a fish, where would *I* hide a moss-covered, three-handled family gradunza?

(Cat and Thing 5 start searching the house, making a mess wherever they go. Then we cut to the boy pulling books out of a chest.)

Boy: Whatever it is, it isn't here.

(We cut to Sally pulling clothes out of a drawer)

Sally: And whatever it is, it isn't *here.*

(We cut to a closet. Some stuff gets thrown out until the boy sticks his head out the doorway.)

Cat in the Hat (Off-screen): Wherever it is, it is left in some lurch.

Thing 5 (Off-screen): But wherever it is, we must speed up the search.

(We cut to pages of an opened book being flipped around. Thing 5 has his face turned away from the screen.)

Thing 5 (On-screen): (To fish) How's it going, fish?

Fish: I'll tell you this, it's not in the unabridged dictionary. But let's find that "thing", get rid of *that* thing, and get rid of that cat!

Cat in the Hat: There are more, (clears his throat) scientific methods of searching than that.

Fish: And just what kind of science does the cat recommend?

Cat in the Hat: Why, the principle of Calculatus Eliminatus, my friend.

Fish: Calculatus what!?

Thing 5: "Calculatus Eliminatus".

Cat in the Hat: I went to Cat Tech, where I studied the same. (Leans down to the kids and points) What other cats do you know who can make such a claim?

Fish: Very well, Doctor "Calculatus". Find it, and "eliminatus" *yourselves!*

Cat in the Hat: We shall indeed.

## Act 1 Transcript Part 6 ("Calculatus Eliminatus")

(Jazz music plays as Cat dances)

Cat in the Hat: ♪When you've mislaid a certain something, keep your cool and don't get hot.♪

(The kids march behind Cat as he marches with his umbrella, with Thing 5 marching with his wand behind Cat.)

♪Calculatus Eliminatus is the best friend that you've got.♪

(As soon as Cat and Thing 5 stop marching, Thing 5 starts singing as the kids march right into the shot.)

Thing 5: ♪Calculatus Eliminatus always helps an awful lot.♪

Cat in the Hat and Thing 5: ♪The way to find a missing something is to find out where it's not.♪

(Cat and Thing 5 stop marching at a portrait of a house and Cat puts out a black marker. Thing 5 pulls out a black marker from inside his cape.)

Cat in the Hat: It isn't here. (Crosses out the portrait) I'll mark this "X".

Thing 5: It isn't there. (Writes a "Y" on the lampshade) I'll mark it "Y".

Cat in the Hat: (Picks up the apple on the table and writes "HKI" on it) It isn't underneath the apple, I'll mark the apple "HKI".

Boy: It isn't in this keyhole.

Cat in the Hat: (To the boy) Oh?

Sally: And it isn't on my knee.

Cat in the Hat (Off-screen): Hmm.

Cat in the Hat (On-screen): Mark the keyhole "K-three hundred" [K-300], mark the knee "Five Seven B" [57B].

(The boy writes "K-300" on the door above the knob, and we cut to the Fish watching in horror as the four make an even bigger mess.)

Thing 5 (Off-screen): ♪We'll just jot down all the places where it isn't, and gee whiz!♪

(We cut to Cat and Thing 5 marching. Cat and Thing 5 put their hats on and take them off while sticking their umbrella/wand out as they march.)

Cat in the Hat and Thing 5: ♪Very shortly, we will locate where the missing object is!♪

Boy: (At the fireplace) It isn't here!

Thing 5 (Off-screen): "Eight forty-two-J" [842-J]!

Sally: (At a cabinet) It isn't *there!*

Cat in the Hat (Off-screen): "F-six-oh-seven" [F-607]!

(We cut to the Cat tapping the tip of his umbrella at the piano. The boy runs up to Cat and Thing 5 and writes "22,000.11" on the piano.)

Cat in the Hat (On-screen): You can mark the piano "twenty-two thousand decimal point eleven" [22,000.11]!

(We cut to Sally at the fridge in the kitchen)

Sally: It isn't in the icebox!

Cat in the Hat (Off-screen): That's strange.

(We cut back to the living room, where the boy points to the television set.)

Conrad: It's not on this TV!

Cat in the Hat (Off-screen): Hmm.

(We cut to the Cat sitting in the chair. Thing 5 stands next to him.)

Cat in the Hat (On-screen): Icebox, "oh-two-four-and-a-half" [024 1/2]!

Thing 5 (Off-screen): TV, "one million and three" [1,000,003]!

♪When you've mislaid a certain something, keep your cool and don't get hot.♪

Cat in the Hat (Off-screen), Thing 5 (Off-screen), and Kids (On-screen): ♪Calculatus Eliminatus is the best friend that you've got.♪

(We cut to Cat twiddling his thumbs while smiling at the chair)

Kids (Off-screen): ♪Calculatus Eliminatus always helps an awful lot.♪

Cat in the Hat and Thing 5: ♪The way to find a missing something...♪

(The kids run up to Cat and Thing 5 from separate sides of the chair, and they wrap their arms around the kids as they sing the last part together.)

Cat in the Hat, Thing 5, and The Kids: ♪is to find... out... where... it's... not!♪♪

(After the final note, we cut to the Fish.)

## Act 1 Transcript Part 7 ("I'm a Punk")

Fish (Mad): Look at this house!

(A trumpet blare is heard and the camera flies around the room showing the messes)

Look at this! (Erases the marker off the teapot) Look at that!

(We cut to shots of the house a mess)

Those uncouth, barbaric, pompestuous louts! They should not be here when our mother is out!

(Sally covers her mouth in shock, then we cut to the boy looking at Cat and Thing as they sadly walks past him. Bluesy jazz music starts as the camera follows Cat left. He stops at the middle of the screen and turns right.)

Cat in the Hat (Sad): ♪Very well, I'm a punk.♪

(Cat turns to the screen)

♪A kratunkulous (Pulls his hat down his face) schnunk. Nobody loves me, Not one tiny hunk.♪

(Thing 5 pulls out his wand and uses his magic to make Cat's hat's grow in size, until only Cat's feet and tail can be seen. Then, Thing 5 uses his magic to transform the background from the living room to a patterned background that changes colors every few seconds. He moves left out of the way as Cat waves his arms from inside his hat, and walks in place like a monster.)

Cat in the Hat (Off-screen, spoken): ♪I agree, I'm a griffulous, groffulous grue.♪

(Cat slithers left out of the shot, and Thing 5 fires a blast of magic right, making a red and white striped tube slithers left across the screen.)

Cat in the Hat (Off-screen, spoken): ♪I'm a schmoozeler! A schminkler! And a poo-poobler too!♪

(Next, Thing 5's magic levitates a long version of Cat's hat from the left of the screen. Due to it being wired to the ceiling, Cat is able to easily slide in and out of it.)

♪I'm a horrendous object,♪

(Cat's arms pop out of his hat and he pops his head out)

Cat in the Hat (On-screen, spoken): ♪which nobody loves. I'm untouchable!♪

(Cat goes back into his hat, and Thing 5 raises the upper funnel until it is vertical. Thing 5 exits right as Cat's arms out from inside the hat again.)

Cat in the Hat (Off-screen, spoken): ♪Unless you wear...♪

(Cat's hands grab onto the tube and pull it up to the brim of his hat)

Cat in the Hat (Off-screen, sung): ♪antiseptical gloves.♪

(Cat sticks his head out and puts the tube over his head)

Cat in the Hat (On-screen): ♪So... what!? I'm a punk!♪

(Camera zooms in on Cat's angry face)

♪A kratunkulous schnunk.♪

(Thing 5 watches Cat dangle, until he accidentally leans too close to a lever that begins sucking Cat in.)

♪Nobody loves me...♪

(In the middle of Cat's singing, Cat yowls as he gets sucked into his hat, interrupting his singing. Thing 5 runs in from the left and calls up to his cat.)

Thing 5 (Concerned): Cat?

(The hat breaks off the ceiling and crushes Thing 5. Cat's hat magically springs back up.)

Cat in the Hat (Off-screen): ♪Not one tiny hunk!♪

(Thing 5's magic shrinks Cat's hat back to normal size as it slides back up, revealing himself as the screen fades back to the living room. A musical stinger plays in the background.)

Cat in the Hat (Sad) (On-screen, spoken): ♪I'm a punk.♪♪

(Camera zooms in on the Cat's face, and on the final part of the song, Cat looks right and smiles. Then we cut to Thing 5 revealing himself from inside the piano.)

## Act 1 Transcript Part 8 ("Beautiful Kitten Fish")

Fish (Mad): That was atrocious! Kratunkulous schnunk! Shuntunkulous cat! Incratchulous... (Points as she shouts "out" four times) Out! Out! Out! OUT!

Cat in the Hat: Krinkle-fish, old fellow, (Walks up to the teapot) your little fish nerves are so jumpy-wumpy. (Leans down to the Fish) Fishenstein, poor fellow, (Pats Fish's head and smiles) your little heart's going bumpy-wumpy. Fishber, old fellow, I know what you need. You need a small tranquilizer. (Lifts up the teapot and exits left) You do, you do indeed.

(The Cat enters the next shot from the right as we see Thing 5 stand next to the Kids. Cat places the Fish down onto the piano as he sits down to play it.)

Poor, troubled Krinkle-fish friend, just relax, close your eyes. Thing 5 and I will now proceed, to tranquilize.

(Thing 5 plays his wand like a baton and taps it on the piano)

Cat in the Hat (While playing the piano) (On-screen): ♪Beautiful kitten-fish, sleep, baby, sleep.♪

(Fish taps his fin on the edge of the pot)

Cat in the Hat (While playing the piano) (Off-screen): ♪Your eyelids are droopy.♪

Cat in the Hat (While playing the piano) (On-screen): ♪Bloop, bloop, bloop, bleep, bleep.♪

Cat in the Hat (While playing the piano) (Off-screen): ♪The sandman on tiptoes♪

(Cat's gloved hand tiptoes up the edge of the teapot until he pulls his arm out of the shot)

♪comes creep, creep, creep, creep.♪

♪Hush your mouth.♪

(Screen cuts to Thing 5 singing)

Thing 5: ♪Shush your mouth.♪

Cat in the Hat and Thing 5: ♪Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep.♪

(Thing 5 starts playing his wand like a flute as Cat continues singing)

Cat in the Hat (While playing the piano): ♪Safe in your beddy-bye, sweet dreams to you.♪

(We cut to the Fish feeling drowsy. Cat's hand places the kids' teddy bear beside the teapot.)

Cat in the Hat (While playing the piano) (Off-screen): ♪With your teddy bear steady by!♪

(Cat leans his head to the Fish while singing "Bloo" four times.)

Cat in the Hat (While playing the piano) (On-screen): ♪Bloo, bloo, bloo, bloo.♪

(We cut to Fish feeling tired. From his POV, The Cat's face is starting to get blurry.)

♪Beautiful kitten-fish,♪

(We cut to Fish shaking his head to stay awake, but he ends up feeling more and more tired.)

Cat in the Hat (While playing the piano) (Off-screen): ♪sleep, baby, sleep.♪

Cat in the Hat (While playing the piano) (On-screen): ♪Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop.♪

(We cut to Fish starting to close his eyes)

Cat in the Hat (While playing the piano) (Off-screen): ♪Bleep... bleep... bleep...♪

(Thing 5's hand sprinkles sleeping dust in the teapot)

♪bleep.♪♪

(Fish sinks into the teapot asleep. He snore bubbles from down below.)

## Act 1 Transcript Part 9

(Cat, the boy, and Sally tiptoe into the kitchen to the music. Thing 5 tip-toes after and he slowly closes the kitchen door. Then we cut to inside the kitchen.)

Boy: You sure relaxed Mr. K. (Opens the door to check on him)

Cat in the Hat: He needed sweet sleep in his bad-addled brains. (Drops the smile) But the problem of finding my moss-covered, three-handled family gradunza remains. Hmm. I need help, but I do not wish to go. And so... (Starts pacing around for an idea)

Narrator: Said the Cat in the Hat.

Cat in the Hat (Pacing for an idea): So... so... (Stops pacing and gets an idea) so... I will show you another good game that I know!

(The Cat runs at super speed out the door, then the screen cuts to the front door opening.)

Narrator: And then he ran out, and then, as fast as a fox,

(The Cat in the Hat is shown carrying a red wooden crate on his back.)

the Cat in the Hat came back in with a box. A big red wood box, it was shut with a hook.

Cat in the Hat: Now look at *this* trick.

Narrator: Said the Cat.

Cat in the Hat: Take a look!

(The Cat slams the crate down, inadvertently waking up the Fish. His startled swimming animations from the beginning are reused. Then we cut to The Cat standing on top of the crate.)

Narrator: Then he got up with a tip of his hat.

Cat in the Hat: I call this game "Fun-in-a-box".

Narrator: Said the Cat.

Cat in the Hat: In this box are two other things I will show to you now. You will like these two things.

Narrator: Said the Cat with a bow.

Cat in the Hat: I will pick up the hook. You will see something new. Two more things, and I call them Thing One and Thing Two.

Thing 5: These Things will not bite you, they want to have fun.

(Cat's gloved hand opens the hook and Thing 1 and Thing 2 run out of the crate to greet the kids)

Narrator: Then, out of the box came Thing 2 and Thing 1! And they ran to us fast. They said...

Thing 1: Hello. (Sticks his hand out) How do you do?

Thing 2: (Sticks his hand out) Would you like to shake hands with Thing 1 and Thing 2?

(The kids look at each other confused)

And Sally and I did not know what to do, so we had to shake hands with Thing 1 and Thing 2.

(The kids shake hands with Thing 1 and Thing 2)

We shook their two hands. But our fish said...

Fish (Mad): No! No! Those Things should not be in this house! Make them go! They should not be here when our mother is not! Put them out! Put them out!

Narrator: Said the fish in the pot.

Cat in the Hat (Reassuringly): Have no fear, Mr. Krinklebine.

Narrator: Said the Cat in the Hat.

Cat in the Hat: These things are *good* things.

(Cat pats Thing 1 and Thing 2's heads)

Narrator: And he gave them a pat.

Thing 5: My brothers are tame. Oh, so tame! They have come here to play. They will give you some fun on this wet, wet, wet day.

## Act 1 Transcript Part 10 ("Anything Under the Sun (Part 1)")

(Cat drums the top of the crate)

Cat in the Hat: ♪It can be done.♪

Thing 5: ♪It can be done.♪

(We cut to the Kids and Thing 1 and Thing 2 dancing to the beat)

Cat in the Hat and Thing 5 (Off-screen): ♪They can do anything, anything, anything under the sun.♪

(We cut to back to Cat singing to Fish)

Cat in the Hat (On-screen): ♪If your nerves are getting nervous, and your house is topsy-turvus, they are always at your service.♪

(Cat drums the crate some more)

Cat in the Hat and Thing 5: ♪Thing 2 and Thing 1!♪

(Cat hands the teapot to the Things)

Thing 1: ♪Fish, fish, there's always one, some long-faced, sour-belly son of a gun.♪

(Thing 1 pulls a cane from the rack and twirls the teapot around)

Thing 2: ♪There's always some fish, some sour-belly fish who's only one wish is to flatten the fun.♪

(Thing 1 launches the teapot and Fish into the air, then he and Thing 2 dance right out of the shot.)

Thing 1 and Thing 2: ♪Doesn't like fun, doesn't like fun.♪

(We cut to the boy running right as the camera follows him in the next shot. His running and catching animation from the beginning is reused. The boy catches the teapot and Fish.)

Thing 1 and Thing 2 (Off-screen): ♪Good, clean, wholesome, innocent fun.♪♪

(Thing 1 and Thing 2 cartwheel together and Fish jumps out of the teapot and runs up to the phone. Fish tries to call the FBI.)

Fish (Talking into the phone): FBI? FBI? Listen! Listen, I am a fish residing at twenty-three twenty-two Magnolia Boulevard [2322 Magnolia Blvd], and I want to report a Cat in the Hat!

(We cut to the boy confused)

Fish (Off-screen): FBI! FBI!

(Screen fades to black on the final note, going to commercial.)

## Act 2 Transcript Part 1 ("Anything Under the Sun (Part 2)")

**NOTE: No fall sound effect is ever used for the Fish falling. An airplane zoom is used instead.**

(Screen fades from black revealing the Fish slapping the phone for an answer)

Fish (Talking into the phone) (Desperately): Somebody please answer! (Shouts into the phone) Where is everybody!?

Thing 2: (Pops out of the phone) Sorry. That line is temporarily out of order.

(Thing 2 goes back into the phone and the camera follows the Fish running left. In the next shot, Fish jumps back into the teapot, and Thing 2's hands snatch it. Then, Thing 2 slides the teapot across the floor like a curling puck on ice.)

Thing 2 (Normal voice): ♪There's always some fish who doesn't like fun.♪

(Camera follows Fish as the teapot slides right)

Thing 2 (Normal voice) (Off-screen): ♪Good, clean, wholesome, innocent fun.♪

(In another shot, the camera zooms in on bowling pins lined up. We cut to the kids closing their eyes and flinching as the screen rumbles. We cut to the teapot sliding through the pins and into Thing 1's hands.)

Thing 5: Now *here* is a game that they like.

Narrator: Said Thing 5, standing next to the cat.

Cat in the Hat: They like to fly kites.

Narrator: Said the Cat in the Hat.

Fish (Worried): No! Not in the house!

Narrator: Said the fish in the pot.

Fish (Worried): They should not fly kites in a house! They should not! (Thing 2 ties the handle of the teapot with one end of a long string) Oh, the things they will bump! Oh, the things they will hit! (Thing 1 grabs the teapot) Oh, I do not like it! Not one little bit!

(Thing 1 throws the teapot into the air and Thing 2 starts running and crashing the teapot against the walls. The kids follow the Things down the hallway.)

Narrator: Then Sally and I saw them run down the hall. We saw those two Things bump their kites on the wall!

(To the narrator's onomatopoeia, some picture frames and objects fall onto the floor.)

Bump! Thump! Thump! Bump! Down the wall in the hall.

(Thing 1 runs up the stairs, while Thing 2 runs down as they fly their kites.)

Thing 2 and Thing 1! They ran up! They ran down!

(The kids follow the Things to theie mother's bedroom. One of the Things runs out the closet with a polka-dot dress on one of their kite strings.)

On the string of one kite, we saw Mother's new gown! Her gown with the dots that are pink, white, and red.

(The teapot crashes onto the head of the bed and the kids chase after the Things out of the bedroom hallway)

Then we saw one kite bump on the head of her bed!

(The kids rush back to the living room as they follow the Things and The Fish)

Those Things ran about with big bumps, jumps, and kicks. And with hops and big thumps and all kinds of bad tricks. And I said...

Boy (While running after Fish): I do *not* like the way that they play! If Mother could see this, oh, what would she say!

(Sally runs up to The Cat, who starts singing again.)

Cat in the Hat: ♪They can find anything, anything under the sun.♪

(Camera follows Thing 2 running while flying the teapot)

Thing 2 (While running): ♪This reactionary fish-faced louse,♪

(We cut to a closeup of Fish not enjoying his ride in the air)

Thing 2 (Off-screen): ♪doesn't like flyin' kites in the house!♪

(Screen cuts back to The Cat and Sally)

Thing 5: ♪They can find anything, anything under the sun.♪

(Screen cuts to Thing 2 running into the open doorway to the kitchen)

Thing 2 (While running): ♪Of all the bigoted bigoted bores,♪

(We cut to the Fish looking in shock and then plugging his nose and diving into the teapot)

Thing 2 (Off-screen): ♪captured fish oughta fly outdoors.♪

(The boy's running and catching animation is reused as the camera follows him running left. At the doorway, the boy jumps up and grabs the teapot, and we cut back to The Cat, Thing 5, and Sally.)

Cat in the Hat: Thing 1 and Thing 2!

Thing 5: Thing 2 and Thing 1!

Cat in the Hat and Thing 5: ♪They can do anything, anything, anything under the sun.♪

(We cut to the boy with the teapot in his hands. Thing 5 walks next to him posing as a sports announcer, with his magic wand as a microphone.)

Thing 5 (As a news reporter): It's a close game. We're live in the kitchen and see this little boy unsure of where he should score next.

(As the boy looks up, the camera pans up to Thing 1 laying on his stomach and looking down to the boy. Thing 1's "Hello" is reused.)

Thing 1: Hello.

(Thing 2 suddenly enters from the left of the next shot, swiping the teapot out of the boy's hands.)

Thing 2: Thank you.

(Thing 1 jumps down as Thing 2 stands behind him)

Twenty-two [22], thirty-seven [37], forty-three [43], ten [10], sixty-seven [67], twenty-one [21], fourteen [14], eight [8]... hike!

(Thing 2 throws the teapot through his feet and Thing 1 catches it like a football. In the next shot, the camera follows Thing 1 running backwards as he's about to throw the teapot.)

Thing 5 (As a news reporter): He's going for the long shot, he's in position...

(The camera stops moving when Thing 1 falls down the stairs to the basement)

Ooh, but he fell down the stairs!

(After the cymbal crash, Thing 5 smiles in relief as he hears his brother's footsteps.)

But he's still alive!

(Thing 2 comes back up the stairs with hockey sticks and uses the teapot as a hockey puck.)

♪There's always some fish, some crotchety one.♪

(Thing 1 and Thing 2 pass the teapot with their sticks as they slide to the screen. In the next shot, the boy blocks the doorway to the hallway that leads to the bedroom.)

Thing 1 (Off-screen): ♪There's always some fish, some blotchety one.♪

(The Things slide past the boy, and he runs right into the next shot.)

Thing 1 and Thing 2 (Off-screen): ♪There's always some fish, some sour-belly fish. There's always some fish, some fish.♪

(Thing 1 dribbles the teapot as Thing 2 runs up the stairs)

Thing 5 (As a news reporter) (Off-screen): And it all comes down to this folks.

(Thing 1 throws the teapot into the air

Thing 1 dribbles that teapot and launches it high into the air.

(The boy's running and catching animation is used as he runs until he trips and slides across the floor with his arms out)

Meanwhile, the boy trips and slides onto the scene.

Thing 5 (As a news reporter) (On-screen): Will that teapot land to the ground safely, *or* in pieces?

(We cut to the teapot, water, and Fish falling through Thing 2's arms forming a basketball hoop. Then we cut to the teapot landing into the boy's hands, with the water and Fish landing inside.)

Ooh, what a catch! He caught the teapot just as it was about to shatter, and *that's* how the game is played! We've gotta wrap up this this show now so the Things can find the Cat's missing moss-covered, three-handled...

(The boy grunts as he trips and lets the teapot slide out of his hands)

Cat in the Hat (Off-screen): ♪Family gradunza!♪

(The camera focuses on the entrance to the kitchen as the teapot slides away from the screen)

♪Thing 2!♪

(Screen cuts to The Cat, Thing 5, and Sally as the teapot slides past them left across the screen.)

Cat in the Hat and Thing 5 (On-screen): ♪And Thing 1!♪♪

Thing 5 (On the last note of the song): (Poses) HA!

## Act 2 Transcript Part 2

(The Fish jumps out of the teapot and walks on his tail to the bouncy music. The camera follows him walking right, until he reaches The Cat's umbrella, which he is standing with. Fish kicks the umbrella, making Cat yowl as he falls on Thing 5 and crushes him as he hits the floor.)

(Then, Fish walks up to Cat and pulls off one of his whiskers.)

Fish (Mad): That's... the last... straw! Both of you, out of this house!

Cat in the Hat (Shocked): Out!? (Stands) Why, *every* house should have a cat in it. Curled up by the fireplace little warm...

Fish (Mad, lost it): (Jumps up) OUT! And take those Things with you! Out!

(As Fish jumps left out of the shot, we cut to Thing 5 whipping the flattened Thing 5 again.)

Cat in the Hat (Confused): Take the Things?

(We cut to Fish hopping into the shot from the right. He jumps back into the teapot and turns right as the camera zooms in on him.)

Cat in the Hat (Confused) (Off-screen): Who ever heard of a house without Things in it?

Fish (Mad): Th-they're not Things, they're... they're... they're kids! And you two aren't real!

Thing 5 (Outraged): WHA!?

Fish: Who ever heard of a three-foot magician and a talking six-foot cat?

(Having had enough of Fish's behavior, Cat retorts back at he picks up the teapot.)

Cat in the Hat (Mad): Well, I *am* a cat!

(In the next shot, the camera follows Cat and Thing 5 as they walk to the window. Cat sets the teapot down.)

Technically, I'm a Cat in a Hat.

Fish (Mad): Y-y-you're *not* a Cat in a Hat! *Th-th-That's* not a hat!

(We cut to Thing 5 angry)

Fish (Mad) (Off-screen): Y-y-you're not a *cat!*

Thing 5 (Mad): I'm getting very tired of you, Fish.

Fish (Mad): No, I am getting very tired of *YOU!* You two...

## Act 2 Transcript Part 3 ("Cat, Hat")

(We see Sally standing behind Cat as he yells at Fish)

Cat in the Hat (Mad): *I* am indeed a cat! And this...

(Thing 5 uses his wand like a trumpet and makes a blaring noise)

indeed...

(Thing 5 plays another trumpet blare with his wand)

Cat in the Hat (Smiling): Is a hat!

(Cat looks behind him and glares at Thing 5, getting annoyed with his trumpet blares. Regardless, Thing 5 still snuck the last one in, and starts to sing as he points to Cat and his hat with his wand.)

Thing 5 (Spoken): ♪In English, Cat, Hat. In French, Chat [Shot], Chapeau. It really is quite obvious, don't you know? In English, Cat, Hat!♪

(Cat pulls his hat off, revealing small red cap on his head.)

♪In French, Chat [Shot], Chapeau!♪

(Camera follows Cat marching right as Cat counts in French)

Cat in the Hat: Un, deux [do], trois [twaw], quatre [cat], cinq [sink], here we go!

(Thing 1 and Thing 2 jump out from behind the kitchen door in skirts and high-heel boots. They dance to the "Can-Can" musical cue. The kids watch in amazement and we cut back to the Things dancing. They reveal their butts on the last note of the music, which have their names. Then we cut to The Cat bowing as he sings the next verse.)

Thing 5 (Spoken): ♪I'll repeat, Cat, Hat. In French, Chat [Shot], Chapeau.♪

(Cat pulls his hat off, revealing he is wearing a white sombrero.)

♪In Spanish, El Gato in a Sombrero.♪

Sing it!

(We cut to the boy and Sally marching back forth, with the boy wearing a sombrero.)

Kids: ♪He's a Cat in a Hat, he's a Chat [Shot] in a Chapeau. He also is a Gato in a Sombrero.♪

(The kids stop marching, and march in place in the middle of the frame.)

Olé! Olé! Olé, Olé-o!

(Cat sets a sombrero down and he and Thing 5 dance around it during the musical cue, "El Toro - Flamenca". As soon as the music stops, Cat gets confused after he and his master stop dancing.)

Cat in the Hat: (Turns his head right) Where were we? (Turns his head left and remembers) Oh yes!

(The song comes back on as Cat and Thing 5 walk left out of the shot. Cat pulls the sombrero off his head, revealing his signature hat, and in the next shot, the Fish swims up to them while glaring.)

Thing 5: One more time!

Cat in the Hat and Thing 5: ♪Cat, Hat! In French, Chat [Shot], Chapeau!♪

(Cat pulls his hat off, revealing his sombrero.)

♪In Spanish, El Gato in a Sombrero.♪

(Cat pulls off his sombrero, revealing a German hat as he and Thing 5 walk right into the next shot. Cat sits at the piano where the kids are. Thing 5 plays the piano next to Cat.)

Cat in the Hat and Thing 5 (Spoken): ♪And we'll tell you something more now, you listen to us "gut".♪

(They plays the piano as they start singing in German)

♪In German, I'm (he's) a katze und dies ist mein hut.♪

(Cat and Thing 5 point to Cat's German hat as they sing)

Cat in the Hat and Thing 5 (Sung): ♪Ist das nicht ein katze hut?♪

Kids (While shaking their heads up and down): ♪Ja [Yah], das ist ein katze hut! (Look at each other) Katze hut! (Turn to Cat) Katze hut!♪

(We cut to Cat and Thing 5 playing the piano)

Kids (Off-screen): ♪Ja [Yah], das ist ein katze hut!♪♪

(We cut to Thing 1 and Thing 2 dressed in lederhosen and hats. They dance to the "Schnitzelbank" musical cue, and they raise their hands on the last note of the music.)

## Act 2 Transcript Part 4 ("Cat, Hat (Reprise)")

Cat in the Hat: Now, if you're in a receptive state... of mind, I'll recapitulate.

Thing 5: And while we recapitulate, I'm taking you kids on a little trip. (Fires a magic blast at the piano with his wand) Hit it!

(We cut to a close-up of Cat's gloved hands playing the piano keys quickly. The speed of his piano playing, combined with Thing 5's magic, causes a music note to fly at the screen. Cat fades into the music of the screen as more music notes fly to him while teleporting.)

Cat in the Hat: ♪Cat, Hat! In French, Chat [Shot], Chapeau!♪

(Cat pulls his hat off, revealing his sombrero.)

♪In Spanish, El Gato in a Sombrero.♪

(Cat pulls off his sombrero, revealing a German hat.)

In German, I'm a katze in a hut, and don't you know?

(Cat pulls off his German hat, and in the next shot, Cat is shown in a red winter hat. He is now in a location, not inside the kids' house.)

I'm a gwonka in a bonkequank...

(Camera zooms out, revealing the rest of Cat's winter garb, consisting of a white puffy coat, and red mittens.)

in Eskimo.

Fish (Confused): You're a gwonka in a bonkequank in Eskimo?

(We cut The Cat with the Kids, who are also now in their winter clothing.)

Cat in the Hat: (To Fish) Right!

Kids: ♪He's a gwonka in a bonkequank in Eskimo! Ist das nicht ein bonkequank? Ja [Yah], das ist ein katze bonkequank!♪

(The Things run past the kids. Thing 1, Thing 2, and Thing 5 are also dressed in winter clothes. In the next shot, Thing 1 and Thing 2 run inside the brim of a striped red cap, only for it to spring up, forming an igloo.)

Kids (Off-screen): ♪Gwunka-bunka. Gwunka-bunka. Yes indeedy, that is so.♪

(In the next shot, Thing 1 and Thing 2 are hauling the kids' sleigh like snow dogs.)

Kids (On-screen): ♪He's a gwonka in a bonkequank in Eskimo!♪♪

(The sled is pulled out of the shot right, then the sleigh is pulled from right to left across the screen behind the igloo. Then we cut back to Fish, Thing 5, and Cat. Cat and Thing 5 are now in his original forms, while Fish, is now slowly starting to warm up to Cat's antics.)

Fish: Now, to be certain *I* have this straight, I'll re-recapitulate.

("Cat, Hat" starts up again as Fish puts on Cat's hat and switches to the French cap)

Fish (Spoken): ♪Cat, Hat! In French, Chat [Shot], Chapeau!♪

Cat in the Hat (Off-screen): Good!

(Fish switches from his French cap to a sombrero)

Fish (Sung): ♪In Spanish, you're a Gato in a Sombrero.♪

Cat in the Hat (Impressed) (On-screen): Hmm!

Fish (Spoken): ♪In German, you're a katze in a hut, I also know...♪

Cat in the Hat (Impressed): Perfect!

(We cut to an outer shot, with the Fish now wearing a white puffy goat and a red hat and mittens)

Fish (Spoken): ♪You're a gwonka in a bonkequank in Eskimo!♪♪

(After the last note, Cat turns his head to the screen.)

Cat in the Hat (Impressed): By George, I think he's got it!

## Act 2 Transcript Part 5 ("Chapka, Shlyapa")

Fish (Spoken): ♪Now, if would you will allow me, sirs, but don't think I'm pushin'.♪

(After the shot of Cat and Thing 5 looking left, we cut to Fish putting on a Russian hat.)

♪I think that I can tell you what you are in, in, in Russian!♪

Cat in the Hat (Off-screen): What?

(Fish jumps out of the teapot and dances on his tail)

Fish (Sung): ♪Chapka [Shop-ka], shlyapa. You're a chapka [shop-ka] in a shlyapa...♪♪

(Fish jumps on the last note)

Fish and Chorus (On the last note): HEY!

(Fish lands in the teapot)

Cat in the Hat: I am?

(Fish shakes his head up and down and we cut to Cat behind a painting)

Why that's splendid!

(Cat pulls down his hat and throws it off revealing his Russian hat)

♪I'm... a...♪

(We cut to Fish, and music slowly starts up as we cut to The Cat in the Hat shuffling to the music.)

♪chapka [shop-ka]... in... a... shlyapa. I'm a...♪

(We cut to Fish swinging his hips to the beat)

Cat in the Hat (Off-screen): ♪chapka [shop-ka]... in... a... shlyapa.♪

(We cut back to Cat shuffling faster to the music)

Cat in the Hat (On-screen): ♪I'm... a... chapka [shop-ka] in a shlyapa! (Kick dances right) I'm a chapka [shop-ka] in a shlyapa! (Kick dances left) I'm a chapka [shop-ka] in a shlyapa!♪

(We cut to Fish clapping)

Cat in the Hat (Spoken) (Off-screen): ♪I'm a chapka [shop-ka], in a shlyapa!♪

(Camera follows Cat right as he starts losing his balance and singing faster and faster. Thing 5 runs after him to help Cat.)

Cat in the Hat (Spoken) (On-screen): ♪I'm a chapka [shop-ka], in a shlyapa! I'm a chapka [shop-ka], in a shlyapa!♪

Thing 5 (While running after Cat): Watch out for the stairs!

Cat in the Hat (Spoken): ♪I'm a chapka [shop-ka], in a shlyapa!♪♪

(Cat and Thing 5 tumble through a doorway and scream as they fall down the stairs. Cat runs out the doorway as he shouts until the music stops. Cat's Russian hat is now tattered and torn, and his whiskers are a mess. Two second later, he talks normal.)

Cat in the Hat (Recomposed): That's enough of that. (Pulls down his Russian hat and throws it off revealing his normal hat) I'm a cat in a hat.

## Act 2 Transcript Optional Scene #1 ("Chim-Chim-Cheree")

**NOTE: This scene was supposed to act as a solo for Thing 5 to explain his backstory. Given Allan Sherman also sang a cover of this song, some of his pre-recorded tracks are used for Cat. These days, I consider this scene optional. You're allowed to skip to the next part of this rewrite if you have no interest in this scene.**

(Thing 5 tumbles out the doorway all covered in soot)

Cat in the Hat: Thing 5? How are you all covered soot?

Thing 5: (Coughs) Good question. I was chimney sweep long before I became a magician and found you as a kitten.

("Chim-Chim-Cheree" starts playing)

True story.

♪Chim-chimney, chim-chimney, chim-chim-cheree. A sweep is as lucky as lucky can be. Chim-chimney, chim-chimney, chim-chim-cheroo. Good luck, will rub off when I shake hands with you. Or blow me a kiss, (Actress kisses Thing 5 on the cheek) and *that's* lucky too!♪

Cat in the Hat: ♪Chim-chimney, chim-chimney, chim-chim-cheree. Those are three words that don't make sense to me. But I'm use to words that don't make sense to me,♪

(We see The Cat watching a TV commercial on the TV)

♪from all those commercials I see on TV.♪

♪When I see an ad that can't be understood, I know that the product has got to be good. Those words may be crazy, but I think they're great! Like Sodium acetylsalicylate!♪

Chorus: ♪Sodium acetylsalicylate!♪

Thing 5 (While climbing a ladder): ♪Now as that ladder of life has been strung, you might think a sweep's on the bottommost rung.♪

(Thing 5 lets go and falls backwards, with his feet clinging to the steps.)

♪Though I spent some in the ashes and smoke,♪

(Camera rotates, showing him hanging upside down.)

♪in this whole wide world, there's no happier bloke!♪

♪Chim-chimney, chim-chimney, chim-chim-cheree. A sweep is as lucky as lucky can be. Chim-chimney, chim-chimney, chim-chim-cheroo. Good luck, will rub off when I shake hands with you.♪

Thing 5 and The Kids: ♪Chim-chimney, chim-chimney, chim-chim-cheree. A sweep is as lucky as lucky can be. Chim-chimney, chim-chimney, chim-chim-cheroo. Good luck, will rub off when I shake hands with you.♪

(Curtains close, then they open back up a few seconds later, revealing Thing 5 in his chimney sweep outfit. He walks to a chimney with a brush.)

♪I choose my bristles with pride, yes I do.♪

Thing 5 (In the chimney): ♪A broom for the shaft, and a brush for the flue.♪

(Thing 5 gets sucked up the chimney and the camera pans up to Thing 5 coming out of the chimney. The Cat, the kids, The Fish, and Thing 1 and Thing 2 follow him up to a rooftop.)

♪Up, where the smoke is all billered and curled between pavement and stars, is the chimney sweep world.♪

♪Where there's hardly no day, nor hardly no night. There's things half in shadow, and halfway in light,♪

(The stages lights turn on showing the London setting)

♪on the rooftops of London.♪

(Fires his wand at the boy, Sally, Cat, and the fish in the teapot causing them to float)

Poof! What a sight!

(They all fly around the stage)

Fish: ♪Chim-chimney, chim-chimney, chim-chim-cheree. When you're with a sweep, you're in glad company.♪

Thing 5: ♪Nowhere is there a more happier crew.♪

Thing 5 and Fish: ♪Then them what sings "Chim-chim-cheree, chim-cheroo.".♪

All: ♪Chim-chimney, chim-chim, cheree, chim-cheroo.♪♪

(After the song, Thing 5 uses his magic to levitate the curtains closed.)

## Act 2 Transcript Part 6 ("He's a Cat of Many Countries")

(A cymbal crash plays as the curtains close, then the curtain opens as Thing 1 and Thing 2 jump into the middle of the shot. They dance on two separate platforms.)

Thing 1 and Thing 2: ♪He's a cat of many countries, He's a cat of many hats.♪

Fish: He's a guffee is a busbee!

Thing 1 and Thing 2: He's a snaka in a snatz!

(We cut to the boy and Sally in Scottish outfits as they dance a jig)

Fish, Thing 1, Thing 2, and The Kids (Voice-over): ♪And in Scotland, up in Scotland, in Bonnie Scotland...♪

(We cut to the screen following Cat as he marching right. Cat is shown with bagpipes.)

Cat in the Hat (Voice-over): ♪In Bonnie Scotland, I'm a... (Cat blows the bagpipes) in a... (Cat blows the bag pipes three times)♪

Fish, Thing 1, Thing 2, and The Kids (Voice-over): ♪In Bonnie Scotland, he's a... (Cat blows the bagpipes) in a... (Cat blows the bag pipes three times)♪

(We cut to Cat and Thing 5 standing on top of a hill while wearing skis. They push themselves down into the next shot, but as Cat skis up a slope, Thing 5 opens his cape and flies off a slope.)

Fish, Thing 1, Thing 2, and The Kids (Voice-over): ♪In Switzerland, in Switzerland, In Switzer-witzer-witzerland.♪

Cat in the Hat (Voice-over): ♪I'm a yodel-yodel-yodel in a yodel-ey-ee-hoo.♪

(Camera stops moving at the middle of a slope, Cat, Thing 1, Thing 2, the boy, Sally, and Fish ski left over the slope.)

Fish, Thing 1, Thing 2, and The Kids (Voice-over): ♪He's a yodel-yodel-yodel in a yodel-ey-ee-hoo!♪

(Cat puts on an Irish hat and has a cane in his hand)

Cat in the Hat: And what am I in dear old Ireland?

Boy: Why, you're a kait in a kinfaret.

(We cut to Thing 5 flying with his cape open)

Thing 5 (While flying): And in Holland?

Sally: You're, uh, let me see. Oh, you're a kat in a hoed!

Cat in the Hat: Glory (Leans his face to the camera) be!

(After two seconds of silence, Cat pulls away from the screen and pulls multiple hats off his head as Thing 1, Thing 2, and Thing 5 march in place behind him.)

Thing 1 and Thing 2 (Voice-over): ♪He's a cat of many countries, He's a cat of many hats. Many, many foreign countries, and an awful lot of hats!♪

(After the hats fill the screen, the hats scatter, revealing Fish on his striped teapot.)

Fish, Thing 1, and Thing 2 (Voice-over): ♪In Boogoo-Boogoo, he's just darling. He's a skoogoo in aswali.♪

Kids, Thing 1, and Thing 2 (Voice-over): ♪He's a Baka in Abet!♪

(We cut to the kids kick-dancing backwards, away from the middle of the screen.)

Kids (On-screen) and Thing 1 and Thing 2 (Voice-over): ♪He's a waka in awet!♪

(We cut to Cat dancing the pharaoh as they screen follows him right)

Cat in the Hat: Out in far-off Poda Poda, I'm a...

(Cat turns into a hat with hands and feet as the screen continues following him)

perk in a pagoda. I'm a futz in a fedora.

(Cat turns to normal and rises his head. He leans to the camera.)

How are things in Glocamora?

(A red diamond iris closes around Cat and the camera flies up to reveal the Cat posing at the Statue of Liberty)

Kids (Voice-over) (Spoken): ♪What a cat!♪

Fish (Voice-over) (Spoken): ♪What a cat!♪

Kids (Voice-over) (Spoken): ♪In a hat!♪

Fish (Voice-over) (Spoken): ♪In a hat!♪♪

## Act 2 Transcript Optional Scene #2 ("Step in Time")

**NOTE: This scene was supposed to act as a continuation of "He's a Cat of Many Countries". This musical cue ends on the 2:26 mark of the song as the boy in the story catches Thing 1 and Thing 2 with the net. These days, I consider this scene optional. You're allowed to skip to the next part of this rewrite if you have no interest in this scene.**

Thing 5: Step in time! Step in time! Everybody, step in time!

Things: Step in time!

♪Step in time! Step in time! Step in time! Step in time! Never need a reason, never need a rhyme, step in time, you step in time!♪

Thing 5: Kick your knees up!

(The Things and Cat dance by kicking their knees)

Cat, Thing 1, and Thing 2: ♪Kick your knees up! Step in time! Kick your knees up! Step in time! Never need a reason, never need a rhyme, kick your knees up, step in time!♪

Thing 5: Round the chimney!

Thing 1 and Thing 2: ♪Round the chimney! Step in time! Round the chimney! Step in time! Never need a reason, never need a rhyme, round the chimney, step in time!♪

(A dove flies out of Thing 5's hat)

Thing 5: Flap like a birdie!

Thing 1 and Thing 2: ♪Flap like a birdie! Step in time! Flap like a birdie! Step in time! Never need a reason, never need a rhyme, flap like a birdie, in time!♪

(Thing 5 runs up the stair railing)

Thing 5: Up on the railing!

Thing 1 and Thing 2 (Following Thing 5): ♪Up on the railing! Step in time! Up on the railing! Step in time! Never need a reason, never need a rhyme, up on the railing, step in time!♪

(We cut to the Things dancing on the roof of the house. The weather seems to have cleared up.)

Thing 5: Over the rooftops!

Thing 1 and Thing 2: ♪Over the rooftops! Step in time! Over the rooftops! Step in time! Never need a reason, never need a rhyme... step in time!♪

Over the rooftops! Over the rooftops!

Thing 5: Link your elbows!

Cat, Thing 1, and Thing 2: ♪Link your elbows! step in time! Link your elbows! step in time! Link your elbows! Link your elbows! Link your elbows!♪

(Cat jumps off the tower and opens his umbrella, allowing him to float down to the floor. Then, Thing 5, Thing 1, and Thing 2 come out of the fireplace in soot.)

Cat and Things: ♪Step in time! Step in time! Step in time! Step in time! Never need a reason, never need a rhyme, step, in, time, you, step, in, time!♪♪

(Music continues until the boy's "It came down with a PLOP!")

## Act 2 Transcript Part 7

(Everyone suddenly hears a car horn, and then Fish as he looks out the window.)

Narrator: Then our Fish said...

Fish: (Throws his hat off and turns to the screen with worry) Look! Look!

Narrator: And our fish shook with fear.

Fish (Worried): Your mother is on her way home! Do you hear?

Boy (Now worried): Mother? (His hat falls off)

Sally (Now worried): Mother?

(We cut to The Cat and the Things worried)

Fish (Worried) (Off-screen): Oh, what will she do to us? What will she say? Oh, she will not like it to find us *this* way!

Fish (Worried) (On-screen): (To the kids) So do something fast!

Narrator: Said the Fish.

Fish (Worried): Do you hear? I saw her. Your mother! Your mother is near! So as fast as you can, think of something to do! You will have to get rid of Thing 1 and Thing 2!

(The boy runs into the closet from earlier, the same one when he was trying to look for Cat's moss-covered three-handled family gradunza, and he pulls out a giant butterfly net.)

Narrator: So as fast as I could, I went after my net. And I said...

Boy: With my net, I can get them, I bet! I bet with my net, I can get those Things yet!

(Thing 1 and Thing 2 become horrified, and run with their hats flying off their heads. Through each room he and Sally run through, the kids chase after the Things, until the kids decide to be clever and hide behind a doorway. The boy sees Thing 1 and Thing 2 running to the doorway.)

Narrator: Then I let down my net, it came down with a PLOP!

(The boy swings the net down and traps Thing 1 and Thing 2 on cue)

And I had them! At last! Those two Things had to stop!

(The kids turn to Cat and Thing 5 with an angry look)

Then I said to the Cat,

Boy (Mad): Now *you* do as I say! You pack up those Things and you take them away!

(The Cat in the Hat is now saddened, this time by the kids.)

Cat in the Hat: (Starts feeling sad) Oh dear.

Narrator: Said the Cat.

Cat in the Hat (Sad): You did not like our game.

(The Cat in the Hat now starts to feel remorseful for messing up the house and breaks into tears, just as the Things start feeling sad for their own antics.)

Oh dear! What a shame! What a shame! What a shame!

(Thing 1 and Thing 2 are freed and all the Things sadly walk back into the crate)

Narrator: Then he shut up the Things in the box with the hook.

(As soon as Cat closes the crate with the hook on it, we cut to inside the crate. Thing 5 taps his wand on a wall, and we cut to outside, where the crate shrinks and poofs away. Then we cut to Cat sadly walking to the door and opening it. His walking animation is the same as after he said "A vote of no confidence".)

And the Cat went away, with a sad kind of look.

Cat in the Hat (Sad): Well, thank you. For a fascinating afternoon.

(Cat slowly closes the door and we cut to the kids remorseful for being too hard on Cat. They never meant to make him cry, they were just reminding Cat that he and the Things were going too far. While the Fish is happy that the kids did the right thing, he still reminds them of the mess in the house.)

Fish (Smiling): That is good.

Narrator: Said the Fish.

Fish: They have gone away, yes. (Drops the smile and reverts back to concern) But your mother will come! She will find this big mess!

(We see three messy rooms, each one appears on cue.)

Fish (Off-screen): And this mess is so big, and so deep, and so tall...

Fish (On-screen): We can not pick it up! There is *no* way at all!

Sally (Worried): What do we do now?

(In the next shot, the camera pans right until it reaches the closed door.)

Narrator: And then, who was back in the house?

(The door opens, revealing the Cat in the Hat riding his cleaning machine. The Cat is suddenly happy again.)

Why the Cat!

Cat in the Hat: Have no fear of that mess.

Narrator: Said the Cat in the Hat.

Cat in the Hat: I always pick up my playthings. And so... I will show you another good game that I know!

Fish (Worried): (Gives in) Alright. But hurry, Cat! She's passing Mrs. Blumberg's house!

Cat in the Hat: I shall indeed.

## Act 2 Transcript Part 8 ("Sweep Up the Memories")

(Heartfelt music starts playing as the Cat pushes a lever and activates his cleaning machine. The camera follows Cat as he drives left. His machine starts vacuuming the hats and other fallen objects.)

Cat in the Hat: ♪Sweep, Sweep up the memories. Those old, untidy memories.♪

(We cut to Fish looking at the window)

Cat in the Hat (Off-screen): ♪Broken, mixed-up memories.♪

(We cut to Cat driving to the screen)

Cat in the Hat (On-screen): ♪Of what we had one day.♪

Fish (Worried): (Turns to the screen) She's passing Mrs. Thompson's house!

(The camera pans left to the picture frame, lamp, and apple on the table.)

Cat in the Hat (Off-screen): ♪Sweep, Sweep out the nonsense.♪

(Gloved robot arms pop out of Cat's vehicle and wipe the marker off the picture, apple, and lampshade.)

♪That crazy happy nonsense.♪

(We cut to the boy throwing his net and some stuff back into the closet where he got those things)

♪This world's too old for nonsense.♪

(We cut to Sally putting the clothes back into the drawer. We cut to the rug in the hall where the machine is parked.)

♪Sweep,♪

(The same robotic arms lift the rug and sweep the dust under the rug)

♪just sweep it all away.♪

(We see more shots of the Cat's cleaning machine cleaning up the areas the narrator addresses)

Then we saw him pick up all the things that were down. He picked up the cake, and the rake and the gown, and the milk, and the strings, and the books, and the dish, and the fan and the cup, and the ship, and The Fish.

(A gloved robot hand picks up the teapot, pours the water into the fishbowl, and picks up the Fish. The hand holding Fish drops him back into the fishbowl.)

And he put them away.

(The Fish is happy to be back in his fishbowl, but then sees something out the window and becomes concerned.)

Fish (Worried): Here she is! (Turns to the screen) Coming up the driveway!

Cat in the Hat: ♪Everything in a state of grace.♪

(Two robot claws pop out of Cat's vehicle and pick up the kids, setting them back in their chairs.)

Cat in the Hat (Off-screen): ♪Everything in its proper place.♪

Cat in the Hat (On-screen): ♪No more rainbows for us to chase.♪

(A gloved robot hand scrubs the marker off the cabinet and window blind)

Cat in the Hat (Off-screen): ♪No more games to play.♪

Fish (Worried): Garage door's open!

Cat in the Hat (Off-screen): ♪Sweep.♪

Fish (Worried): (Turns to the screen) She's *inside* the garage!

(Cat's cleaning machine drives up to a picture frame of a man in a mustache)

Cat in the Hat (Off-screen): ♪Sweep up the laughter.♪

(The same gloved robot hand scrubs the marker off the portrait, and Cat drives past the screen from left to right.)

Cat in the Hat (On-screen): ♪There's no more time for laughter.♪

(The Cat's cleaning machine drives away from the screen as the claws and gloved robot hands deactivate and go back into the machine)

♪At least,♪

(In the next shot, the camera follows Cat driving right.)

♪not until after I come back.♪

(We see the living room sparkle and we cut back to Cat satisfied)

Narrator: Then the Cat said...

Cat in the Hat: That is that. (Tips his hat and stops his vehicle at the backdoor)

Narrator: And then he was gone with the tip of his hat.

Fish (Worried): She's taking the groceries out of the car!

Cat in the Hat: And you know?

Fish (Worried): (Points to the window) Here she comes!

Cat in the Hat: ♪I... just... may!♪♪

(Cat opens the door and slowly drives out the backdoor and closes it)

## Act 2 Transcript Part 9 (Ending)

(The Fish turns to the front door, and dives underwater as Mom opens the door off-screen. Then the boy and Sally turn their heads to the screen.)

Narrator: Then our mother came in, and she said to us two...

Off-screen Mom: Hi, kids. Hope you had fun today. Did you have any fun? Tell me, what did you do?

(Screen cuts to Fish)

Well, you kids will never believe this, but I could almost swear I saw a cat!

(Fish wakes up in shock)

A cat in a hat, mind you.

(Screen cuts to the kids)

moss-covered, three-handled family gradunza.

(The Fish rises up to say something, but decides to hold his tongue and sinks back down.)

Narrator: And Sally and I did not know what to say. Should we tell her the things that went on that day? Should we tell her about it? Now, what SHOULD we do?

(An instrumental portion of "Sweep Up the Memories" plays as the cartoon ends)

Well...

(The kids face the screen as the camera slowly pulls away from the window, not knowing what to tell their mother.)

what would YOU do if your mother asked YOU?

(Screen fades to the camera pulling away from the house until it stops moving. Then, Cat's hat bounces as it moves across the bottom of the screen from right to left, and the screen fades to black.)

(Starting with the 2012 Warner Bros. DVD/Blu-Ray Deluxe Edition release, a still of "The Cat in the Hat Productions" fades in, then fades to black.)

## END CREDITS/CLOSING LOGOS

### ORIGINAL CREDITS

**animation:**

**HAL AMBRO**

**WARREN BATCHELDER**

**MANNY GOULD**

**GEORGE NICHOLAS**

**MANNY PEREZ**

**PHIL ROMAN**

**ROBOERT TAYLOR**

**DON WILLIAMS**

**layout:**

**ROBERT GIVENS**

**DICK UNG**

**background:**

**RICHARD H. THOMAS**

**camera:**

**JOHN BURTON JR.**

**RAY LEE**

**film editing:**

**LEE GUNTHER**

**ROGER DONLEY**

**production supervision:**

**JIM FOSS**

**production coordinator:**

**HARRY LOVE**

**voices:**

**ALLAN SHERMAN: THE CAT IN THE HAT/NARRATOR**

**DAWES BUTLER: THE FISH**

**PAMELYN FERDIN: SALLY**

**TONY FRAZIER: BOY**

**GLORIA CAMACHO: MOTHER**

**THURL RAVENSCROFT: THING 1**

**LEWIS MORFORD: THING 2**

**THE SONGS:**

**lyrics by DR. SEUSS**

**music by DEAN ELLIOT**

**music conducted by**

**ERIC ROGERS**

**music recording engineer**

**ERIC A. THOMLINSON**

**storyboard by**

**CHUCK JONES**

**teleplay by Dr. Seuss**

### ADDITIONAL CREDITS

**SOUND WORK:**

**original sound effects by Producers' Sound Service Inc.**

**additional sound effects added by 321SPONGEBOLT**

**THING 5 CREATED BY 321SPONGEBOLT**

**"BATMAN" COURTESY OF DC COMICS**

(After the opening title music plays during the credits, the closing fanfare starts up as the DePatie-Freleng Films logo is shown. On the final note, Cat's hat appears on top of the "FILMS" part of the logo and the screen fades to black.)

THE END