Woke Lord of the Rings

"*Thanks to Amazon, we all finally have something to complain about for many years to come. Complain about wokeness, complain about castmembers having sex with the same sex as they are, uh, black people.*"
―Erik
Woke Lord of the Rings is the 144th lesson of Internet Comment Etiquette. It was released on March 19, 2022. Woke Lord of the Rings later became the main subject of Responding to Sargon of Akkad.

## Summary

Erik watches the trailer for the new Lord of the Rings show while eating McDonald's. He gets upset that there's a black person in it, he sees a comment etiquette recurring joke with the same Tolkien quote, and he leaves a comment explaining why all of the characters should be white.

Erik goes to TheQuartering to watch one of his thousands of videos complaining about wokeness by reacting to other people's tweets. Erik explains that it's really easy to trick anti-woke people as well as communists into following any garden variety cynicism with no original commentary. Then Erik goes to some YouTuber that no one has ever heard of to hear more complaining about wokeness. Then he plays an ad segment for NordPass.

Erik watches another guy getting upset that some of the Hobbits aren't white. Then he watches a video calling out all the racist people complaining about the new Lord of the Rings trailer.

## Comments

*I never read any of these books because I like to put my penis inside women, but after watching this minute-long trailer I can say without a doubt this show has nothing to do with the source material and will bomb harder than Louis CK alone in a hotel room with a woman who doesn't want to see him jack off. It makes me sick how all you normies see shit like this and scream YASS WE STAN REPRESENTATION IN MIDDLE EARTH. I miss the old days when a black child could sit down and not see a single person on screen who looks like them, and that was okay. Let's not forget this is how Middle Earth was in the books, so why can't we just keep it a completely white cast because of a hundred year old book? Ah you know what actually I think one of the dragons may have been Chinese, which I agree is racist and I'm glad they fixed it by casting Scarlett Johansson as the voice. Anyway I gotta go yell at my wife for throwing away my Jordan Peterson funko pop peace out you stupid woke normie bitches also WHY DIDN'T THEY JUST USE THE EAGLES TO DROP THE RINGS IN THE LAVA*
- Erik

*My favorite Tolkien quote is “I don’t write books for black dudes, and if you ever call me woke I’ll rise from the grave and tell Barbara Walters what Gandalf really did with those hobbits.” So in his own words the man was never woke and this smear campaign to make him look woke is bullshit. Quick shout out to my man Quartering for cornering the market on calling out woke Hollywood. Not sure if what you do is important or necessary, but you’re definitely the man for the job. No complaints here. Also not a compliment. Anyway did you guys know that in Fellowship of the Ring when the main bad guy Orc throws the knife at Viggo Mortsensen, the actor playing the Orc accidentally threw a real knife and Viggo Mortensen deflected it anyway with his sword? Just a little Lord of the Rings trivia from before Amazon filled it with immigrants and lesbians. Yo keep it up Quartering can't wait to see you cover the new woke remake of RENT.*
- Erik

*Oh marone, I don't appreciate you talkin about us mario-types. Yeah so what we're all Italian plumbers? You gotta put us in a box because of that, with your words? You gonna call us "mario-types" like we're all just types of one guy? My name's Lorenzo by the way you fuckin piece of shit I oughta hang you off a construction site. Unbelievable. I'm sorry. I got heated. Oh and listen, this is a message for any of my employees trying to unionize: Think twice. I know you guys like to watch these anti-woke bullshit videos and I'm just lettin you know I'll put you down a pipe you never jump back out of with your fist up and shit like we all do yelling wa-hoo or whatever. No unions! Unions are woke!*
- Erik

*Nice shit dude I also can't stand how woke everything is now. The other day I was telling a joke to my buddy and somebody filmed it on their phone and got me canceled from my daycare job. Now granted I was telling a joke about how I make the babies fight and invite a bunch of biker dudes over to watch, and when police investigated me they found that yeah*
- Erik

*It's pretty simple. Tolkien was a European writer from a European country drawing from European folklore in order to create a mythology for Europe and especially Britain. Weber's little comment about making the series 'reflect what the world actually looks like' is a cute sound bite, the kind that makes woke warriors all over the world sigh and dreamily bat their eyes, but it's absolute intellectual dishonesty at its core. Here is a series of very simple questions:**If an African writer from an African country wrote a series of stories drawing from African folklore with the express intent of creating an African mythology, would Weber feel the need to inject Europeans into it in order to 'reflect what the world actually looks like'?**If an Asian writer from an Asian country wrote a series of stories drawing from Asian folklore with the express intent of creating an Asian mythology, would Weber feel the need to inject Europeans into it in order to 'reflect what the world actually looks like'?**If a South American writer from a South American country wrote a series of stories drawing from Latin American folklore with with express intent of creating a Latin mythology, would Weber feel the need to inject Europeans into it in order to 'reflect what the world actually looks like'?**The answer to all of these is quite simply 'of course not, absolutely not, never in a million years', which just underlines the blatant hypocrisy and intellectual dishonesty of the Prime Studios we've all come to know and love. As much as I love Tolkien's work, as much as I love Robert Jordan's work - indeed BECAUSE of that love and respect, I hope both of these series crash and burn. Better than than seeing them perverted and exploited for some social justice agenda which taints and ultimately ruins everything it touches.**As an aside, all of this debate over Tolkien lore, regarding whether this skin color or that one could actually have existed in Middle Earth is completely immaterial. These decisions, like the ones made for Wheel of Time, were not made out of respect for the worlds they are portraying and we simply need to understand their perspective, they were made with a deliberate, overt social agenda which had absolutely nothing to do with the source material. This isn't some conspiracy theory, the series is actively being sold on it, and one thing that Wheel of Time has already proven to us is that when political and social agendas like this are given the priority over any love or respect for the source material (or for the millions of fans whom have loved and respected it for decades), you can count on a great many more important aspects of it to be readily disregarded.**Also, the small-minded and racist idea that people are only capable of acknowledging, appreciating or empathizing with great characters, with their strength and nobility and tragedy, is IF those characters also happen to share the same skin color is a flat out lie, made a lie by countless people of every ethnicity whom have loved these books for generations. No one is or has been crying out for racial representation in the Lord of the Rings, it's being inserted deliberately and then we're being informed that it's what we wanted (which is code for it's what we ~should~ have wanted). Moreover, no one whom has not been a fan of Lord of the Rings is going to suddenly become a fan of Tolkien's work because a small handful of obscure characters have been race-washed, and no one in their right mind would ever expect them to... so let's all stop with the lies and strawman arguments. Just have the courage to acknowledge all of this for what it is, whether you agree with it or not.*
- Ellis Hugh

*I DIDN'T READ THAT SHIT*
- Erik

*I don't know where you get off calling me racist, pal. Just because I want to see not a single person of color in my Lord of Rings Amazon series? Look I have a very clear image in my head of what this world looks like, and it's all white people. You understand? Is that racist? I don't think so. If we're gonna turn Middle-Earth into one big melting pot, how long until there's no white people left in Rivendell? Next thing you know we're gonna have LGBTQ representation in a flagship show for a gigantic streaming service that uses algorithmic data to cater their content towards the largest demographic possible. Well whatever, I guess I just don’t understand. The whole thing's a losing battle. Once you go woke it's just a twisted spiral downward into the abyss, where you can't say or show anything. But hey, at least Scooby Doo is still all white god bless them.*
- Erik

## Context

1. ↑ Rent is a movie about a diverse group of people living with drug addiction and sexually transmitted infections.
2. ↑ The video game character Mario first appeared in Donkey Kong, which takes place in a construction site. He then appeared in Super Mario Bros. where he travels through pipes and jumps with his fist up.

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