Quantarvalus Bagel of the Bagel Inquisition: An Origin Story

Quantarvalus Bagel of the Bagel Inquisition: An Origin Story is a one-off prequel to the Colosseum Battle Royale trilogy. It serves as an origin story for the character Quantarvalus Bagel and how he came to join the Bagel Inquisition, as well as a brief explanation as to what happened to the Jerk Aliens' planet. It was released on October 9th, 2022 on the Spin Wheel Battles/Tyrant Universe Wiki.

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## Summary

On the Jerk Alien Planet, a Jerk Alien knocks on the front door of a house, and a child opens it and greets the man. This child is named Quantarvalus Bagel, and when the Jerk Alien asks if he could talk to either of Quantarvalus's parental figures, Quantarvalus explains that his dad left to get the milk and his mom left to find him and hit him with a pan. He hasn't seen his father since, and a month ago, he and his brother were informed that their mom had been killed by a Scandinavian Hognose Horned Devil Snake. The Jerk Alien empathizes with Quantarvalus, as his best friend was killed by a Scandinavian Hognose Horned Devil Snake a couple days ago.

Suddenly, Quantarvalus's brother walks up to them and asks who Quantarvalus is talking to. This is Sebastioralus Bagel, Quantarvalus's younger brother. The Jerk Alien realizes he hasn't introduced himself yet, and reveals that his name is Quantum Virus Crouton, and that he is of the Cupcake Inquiry, a division of the Literally 1984 Jerk Alien Enforcement Legion, and that his job is to recruit small children to perform tomfoolerous acts. He then asks if the brothers would like to join, to which they agree.

Meanwhile, the king of the Jerk Alien planet, King Malum, as well as Commanders Glorp and Discolops and Minister Licite are figuring out what to do about the Scandinavian Hognose Horned Devil Snake situation. Eventually, King Malum decides that a planet-destroying bomb is the best course of action, and he orders Discolops to work on it, with the promise of social credits. He also asks Glorp to create a spaceship big enough to carry hundreds of people, as he plans on bringing himself, Glorp, Licite, and the entire Literally 1984 Jerk Alien Enforcement Legion (which we learn has the alternate name Lavish Monsieurs Attack Officers, or the L.M.A.O.), as well as Discolops if he makes a satisfactory bomb.

Meanwhile, Quantum drops off Quantarvalus and Sebastioralus inside the Bagel Inquisition building and gets the fuck out of there. The instructor hands them both training swords and tells them to fight each other, to which Quantarvalus immediately agrees to, despite Sebastioralus's hesitance. After Sebastioralus gets the upper hand, he decides to help Quantarvalus up, but his brother seizes the opportunity and bonccs his brother on the head with the sword.

After a montage of Sebastioralus repeatedly losing to Quantarvalus in training, we cut to a few years later, where both brothers are given bagel swords, the primary weapon of the Bagel Inquisition. The instructor then gives them an assignment, that being to go to Figuratively 4891 Town and deal with a group of tomfoolerous occurrencers performing goofy stunts, as the other Inquisitors are busy. They agree to do the assignment and head off.

Meanwhile, in Figuratively 4891 Town, a father, mother, brother and sister (they don't have names so don't even bother getting attached to them) are spreading freedom throughout the town, until the sister points out the two Bagel Inquisitors heading towards them at a rapid rate. The other family members turn around and see Quantarvalus and Sebastioralus Bagel running towards them at an increasingly high speed, and while they try to flee, the brothers eventually corner them. The father begs for them to not arrest them, but Quantarvalus calmly states that he was thinking of killing them, which confuses Sebastioralus. Quantarvalus then raises his bagel sword, but Sebastioralus stops him, telling him that they could just arrest the family, as they weren't told to kill them. Quantarvalus simply responds that they weren't told to arrest them, either, just to bring them to justice.

Suddenly, we cut to a flashback, and we see Quantarvalus and Sebastioralus duking it out in what would be their final practice battle, as the following month, they would receive real bagel swords. As expected, Quantarvalus disarms his brother, but despite his victory, Quantarvalus continues attacking his brother, laughing like a hyena while doing so, and the instructor praises his insanity.

Back in the present, Sebastioralus tries to convince his brother not to kill the family, but he casually decapitates all four of them in one slash, and then justifies his homicide by saying that they were about to escape. Sebastioralus, however, has had enough of Quantarvalus's shit and pulls out his sword, and they duel. During the fight, Quantarvalus taunts his brother about him going on the offensive despite being the morally correct one, while Sebastioralus angrily exclaims how he's always wanted to beat his brother in a swordfight. However, the battle ends with the brothers falling unconscious.

Later, Quantarvalus wakes up, only to find that his brother is gone. After glaring at a nearby citizen, he heads back to base, He tells the instructor about Sebastioralus's betrayal, and says that he has to be the one to kill him.

Years later, Quantarvalus is now a grown adult, and has reached the peak of his training. While he's training, a random Bagel Inquisitor walks up to him and tells him that the instructor wishes to see him. He enters the instructor's office, and is told to kill Quantum Virus Crouton, who had betrayed the Cupcake Inquiry. The instructor also tells him that Quantum Virus Crouton is also his long-lost father, but despite hearing this information, Quantarvalus shrugs it off and heads out to kill his father.

Quantarvalus then enters a bar and sees Quantum Virus Crouton waiting for him. Quantum starts talking, but Quantarvalus immediately slits his throat. He then starts to walk out of the bar when Sebastioralus walks in. Sebastioralus is now buffer, more rugged, messier, and overall more beast than Jerk Alien. After an absolutely brutal fight that I'm too lazy to explain, Quantarvalus is finally able to outsmart his brother and kill him.

Quantarvalus then arrives back at the Bagel Inquisition building, and is surprised to see both the instructor and King Malum himself there. They congratulate Quantarvalus on his victory, and King Malum makes him his personal bodyguard.

## Important Events

* Quantarvalus Bagel, Sebastioralus Bagel and Quantum Virus Crouton are introduced.
* Quantum Virus Crouton recruits Quantarvalus and Sebastioralus into the Bagel Inquisition.
* King Malum reveals his plans to blow up the Jerk Alien planet due to the Scandinavian Hognose Horned Devil Snakes.
* A lot more that I won't explain rn

## Deaths

Quantarvalus and Sebastioralus Bagel's mother

Quantum Virus Crouton's best friend

A Family of 4

Quantum Virus Crouton

Sebastioralus Bagel