Keegan

*"What!? Where am I!? Who are you!?"* - Keegan's memory slowly, and worryingly, deteriorating.

### Aliases

Sammy Samuel (Alter Ego)Big Piss Johnson

Loremaster

## Biographical information

### Date of birth

Spring Time, when the humping gets good (Actually born in Winter Time, when humping ain't so good)

## Appearance

Give Eric Andre dreadlocks and you're pretty much there.

## Personality

Kinda like Kramer, mixed with Eric Andre, mixed with George Costanza, mixed with Dave Chappelle, mixed with Conan O'Brien, mixed with Bill Burr, mixed with Tyler the Creator, with a pinch of John Stewart and Wu-Tang toughness and a squeeze of V-Sauce, Michael here.

Is close to being a weeb, but has enough other interests, doesn't worship Japan like some reddit weirdo, is not creepy enough, and is cool jazz enough to avoid being a weeb. We're proud of you, sport!

## Biography

Born in the afterglow of Sun Ra's magnetism, he is of his ancient blood. He is a Winter birth, which kinda sucks, so he says he is a Spring birth to add to his hump value.

When he arrived at the Godforsaken Frozen Tundra, which he went to for tunnels that were apparently just lies, he discovered the cardboard forms of the Ancient Ones, Danny Devito and Keanu Reeves, and provided the other Jazzy Boys with their radiance, empowering them all.

At one point he put on a horse head and became the wild beast know as Sammy Samuel. This creature sought to teach people all about various topics, from basic education to safety. He was quickly discarded when the mask got uncomfortable. However, it does contain a piece of Keegan's soul.

At the end of the Arius Age, he was betrayed by the UMD Dining Center, and was captured and then executed by firing squad. His body mysteriously disappeared, leading many to believe he may have escaped, though those who saw him die have been quoted saying "Naw bruh, dat [kach]igga dead as fuck."

## Strengths

* An embarrassing amount of knowledge about JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
* Just wants to play video games, just wants to play video games, just wants to play video games, all the time and every day
* David Bowie
* Prince
* GUILTY GEAR
* Is Black, so can say the n-word
* Demon's Souls
* Dark Souls
* Dark Souls II
* Dark Souls III
* Bloodborne
* Headassery
* Flatland
* Observation
* Eclectic music boy
* Loves Jazz
* FREEFORM Jazz ;^]
* Very good long term memory
* The yucks
* Fiscal Responsibility
* WU-TANG!

## Weaknesses

* Dr. Worm (rightfully so, it's fucking terrible)
* Guns, considering he was killed by firing squad
* Probably would be addicted to gambling
* Dumbasses
* His ever increasingly bad short term memory
* Hills
* Headassery
* Lack of concern for damage if not serious
* People with opinions he really doesn't care for
* Quietly singing the theme song to one of his favorite games, Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater, called Snake Eater in the shower and coming close to crying because of the overwhelming nostalgia and happy memories
* The final scene of the TV show The Deuce

* Stupid ass JoJo fans who don't know shit, who can't read, they can't fucking understand basic writing shit and all think they are high minded critical thinkers when none of them can understand a story more complex than "Good guy funny haha meme man, he beat guys smartily and goodily, hur hur." because they're so fucking stupid that they can't understand a series that requires a middle school level of reading comprehension and a brain that actually thinks. They are so stupid that they argue against the fact that a punch is an action. Most of them are only good for being a dumbass hive as they joke about sucking cocks.
* Commercial Ass [Kach]iggas (He has a beef with them)

## Special Ability

So much random knowledge about various topics

## Trivia

* Likes Motorhead
* Twitter feed may or may not just be the Darkweb
* Wants to essentially be Terry Bogard
* Likes Brock Lesnar
* Once had a comic made out of a thing he said on reddit (lost to time)
* David Bowie and Prince are the two greatest artists of all time
* Is the person writing all of this, hence the title of Loremaster