The Most Organic Vlog: Diet Tips

Are you totes ready for this amaze lifestyle vlog that we are obsessed with that will supes change your life???!! Learn diet tips, health tips, exercise tips and fashion tips, and feel the world with Sawyer and Madysen now! Science is so amaze!!

## Transcript

Natalie: Hello, world!
Mallory: Hi.
Natalie: My name is Sawyer, and I'm a cage-free goose trainer.
Mallory: And I'm Madysen, and I'm a freelance garden dreamer.
Natalie: And we are so excited to have a lifestyle vlog! Finally!
Mallory: Finally.
Natalie: We're going to cover so much stuff. We're going to talk about clothes, makeup, D.U.I. tutorials, exercising tips, all of the above.
Mallory: We are totes E.T.S.Y.G.
Natalie: What's... what's E.T.S.Y.G.?
Mallory: "Excited To Show You Guys".
Natalie: Right.
Mallory: So, like, we're starting to vlog, because pretty much everybody asks us how we got our lifestyle, and I just wanted to, like, be like other people and feel the world.
Natalie: We're supes into, like, living supes healthy, whole-org-veg-paleo lifestyle.
Mallory: We've got four diet things that we are obsessed with.

Mallory: Number four is a new kale body scrub that we heard about from our psychic.
Natalie: Best part of the kale body scrub: It's like eating a salad, but instead, scrubbed into your skin.
Mallory: The way it works is that you scrub, then you scrub, scrub, until your skin is gone, and then you keep scrubbing, and it scrubs away your fat!
Natalie: So you just have, like, this raw, fleshy, icky stuff. And so then, I was wrapped up in a body bandage for two weeks...
Mallory: Yeah.
Natalie: And that was, like, ugh, fine, but, like, I lost five pounds so that was cool.
Mallory: You looked like a naked mole rat mummy.
Natalie: Worth it.

Natalie: Number four. This amazing new raw restaurant. It's, like, so farm-to-table, you're, like, literally sitting in a field. And there's all these animals that are, like, mean. And so you get the list of all the mean things the animal has ever done. "This chicked is a jerk; I'll have that one." and so you feel like, like the animal dies and you're, like, part of the nature's justice system. Like, I felt so patriotic.
Mallory: But the other thing is that mean animals, they secrete these oxygenated secticu... sacti... sacti... sacticons... they secrete... they secrete these sacticons...
Natalie: Sacticon.
Mallory: ...that are, like, great for you skin. They, like, make your pores smaller and so radiant. So, like, I read that somewhere.
Natalie: Science is so amaze! Okay, so at this same restaurant, you can get a super delish, nutrish, substansh chicken soup that's supes soupy.

Mallory: Number four, and my personal fave, is our new diet that we're doing, and it's amaze. Like, it's literally a giant maze. And we originally started it, because a goblin king took my baby brother.
Natalie: It's called the "More Natural than Natural"-diet. So it's no grains, no dairy, no sugar, no beans, no fruits, no veggies, no liquids. Including water.
Mallory: Yeah. So basically, you just, like, absorb the pollen that's in the air.
Natalie: Yeah.
Mallory: But no sun, because you might photosynthesize, and that would make you fat.
Natalie: 'Cause you become part plant after the pollen.
Mallory: Hm. Food for thought.
Natalie: Now you're making me think of it.
Mallory: But no food. And also, a good... a good tip, just to know, because sometimes people are like "When do I stop dieting?", you know you can stop the diet, when you look in the mirror and you have the body of a 9-year old boy. You guys, seriously?! This diet is so good. It's to die.
Natalie: It's to die.

Mallory: We need to go now, because we need to wrap our faces in seaweed so we lose all our cheekbone fat.
Natalie: Yeah, gross. Peace and love!
Mallory: Peace and love.