The Scrolls of Waine

> "*Do you know the oldest thing? You stand before me scared. And yet you should be. I have acted as the host for you and your contemporaries chaotic existence since my enlightenment. I too do not understand how I can commune with you. But I have found the answer to my question that I asked you. I found the oldest thing. I found it when I was but a mere child. But until recently I didn't know what it was. And through it's odd power it used me to create you. And that same odd power brings you here now. This is why you exist. And I presume why I exist as well. But what existed before it?*"
> ― Kiefer Sutherland speaking to Vladimir Putin
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## A Scroll of Waine

Only known image of a scroll. Image taken from the museum of the Welsh Crusaders.

 The Scrolls of Waine are the sacred texts transcribed and read by Mr. Waine himself. Being the first and only known person to read the scrolls, they were named after Mr. Waine.

## Creation of the Scrolls

The scrolls date back to an age of chaos before the existence of time and reality. They are the oldest objects in all of existence and were around long before the Great Darkness and the creation of the universe. It is completely unknown who or what created them. Some say that even the Waine himself does not know how they came to be.

## The First Council of Solvaeros

The Maker Gods found themselves dumbfounded by the existence of the scrolls as being neither the creation of the Maker Gods or the creation of the Great Darkness. The first council of Solvaeros was held at the Tower of Dawnfall to discuss the validity of the scrolls existence. When no God, Darkness, or Deity at the council could comprehend the scrolls it was agreed that the scrolls were far beyond any of them and anything that will be and that Ermir´s squire Jaekóth Dëith would be sent to the mortal realm and bring the scrolls to a safe location and guard for the rest of eternity. By doing this Jaekóth Dëith sacrificed his divine soul to hide among the earthly world as a mortal. Before parting the divine Tower of Dawnfall, Ermir gave Jaekóth Dëith the gift of a son, The Schwim gave him the gift of Immortality, Mr. McCallum gave him the Sword of Däineth, and The Hoff bestowed upon him the mortal title of Jake's Dad.

## Mortal Contact with The Scrolls

### Mr. Waine's Contact

In the ancient highlands of Scotland a mortal man by the name of Mr. Waine had made contact with the Scrolls of Waine. Little is known about the life of Mr. Waine at this point in time except that the highland clans at the time referred to him as the Warlock due to his immense understanding of science and the mortal world, and was treated as an exile by many of the locals.

After hearing stories of an ancient knight wearing a Hawaiian shirt laying waste to local bandits and marauders, Mr. Waine sought out after this knight of the Hawaiian shirt. Eventually Mr. Waine came across the cave were the Hawaiian shirt knight lived. The knight introduced himself as Jake's Dad and explained to Mr. Waine his duty to guard the Scrolls of Waine. After much dialog between the two, Jake's Dad agreed to let Mr. Waine try his hand at reading the Scrolls if Mr. Waine could supply him with a picture of his son Jake, then Jake's Dad would truly know that Mr. Waine was worthy and could then relieve him of his duty.

Mr. Waine was somehow able to complete this task and so tried his hand at reading the scrolls. After what can only be assumed to be centuries Mr. Waine eventually was able to read the scrolls in their entirety with each word causing him to become more and more above. After the complete reading of the scrolls, the shear knowledge and power held within them ascended Mr. Waine to a level of true "Aboveness" where he was above every single concept and particle within and outside of reality.

### The Welsh Triad Contact

After the Norman conquest of England a band of men were assembled to assist King William the Conqueror with his conquest of Ireland. King William was convinced that there was an evil deity ruling over an underground hierarchy of wood elves, dark elves, leprechauns, and Irishmen that threatened to challenge the balance of Mortal power. King William called upon a league in Wales known as the Triad to lead his men through Ireland and eliminate the evil demigod. The Triad was made up of Geoffrey the Wizard, Styles the cleric, and Börk Börk the Swede. After confronting the demigod the triad realized that there was no demigod and that the followers of the demigod were actually worshiping a Scroll of Waine that started talking to a frog and managed to elevate it to possess great energy. Börk Börk the Swede tragically died in this encounter at the hands of a follower named Grifbo the mad, Styles the cleric was turned mad by the ramblings of the Elevated One and ran away, and Geoffrey the Wizard barely escaped by coming out of the closet which made the followers release him as none of them were wearing socks. However, Geoffrey secretly took the Scroll of Waine with him and returned it safely to Wales where it still is kept today, although its location is unknown to all except Geoffrey the Gay Wizard's disciples.

### The Battle of Denny's Contact

Talal made contact with a Scroll of Waine in his epic journey to find the lost Denny's. After scouring the ocean floor for Denny's, Talal comes upon his watery treasure trove that hides the only cure for his fruit lust. Inside the Denny's Talal meets the last Denny's worker alive, Jake's Dad. Jake's Dad explains to Talal the true meaning of Denny's and for Talal's troubles Jake's Dad allows him feast upon the endless bounties of fruit. However as Talal goes to quench his never ending fruit lust, Lil' Bill and Bill Clinton show up and congratulates Talal on finding him the Denny's. It is quickly made apparent to Jake's Dad that Lil' Bill and Bill Clinton are not here to feast upon the bountiful hoards of fruit like Talal and are instead in search of a Scroll of Waine hidden inside of Jake's Dad's sword, the sword of Däineth, or better now known as its mortal name, the sword of Denny's. Jake's Dad although relinquished of his service to guard the Scrolls of Waine by Mr. Waine itself, Jake's Dad understands that handing over the Scroll of Waine to the evil Lil' Bill will result in an end of times event and decides to fight Lil' Bill and Bill Clinton with the help of Talal. Talal tries to bomb his enemies but, in turn kills Jake's Dad. Lil' Bill takes the sword of Denny's and uses it to fatally wound Talal. The sword is destroyed and Lil' Bill escapes with the Scroll of Waine.