There Goes the Neighborhood

**There Goes the Neighborhood** is the first episode of the first series of The Osbournes. It originally aired on the 5th March 2002 and serves as the show's pilot.

## Summery

The debut episode opens with a brief introduction of the family with a voice-over and scenes of each member. After the introductions, the episode deals with the family moving into their new Beverly Hills home. The family deal with problems that could arise from such a situation - finding valuable furniture broken due to lousy packing and trying to set up the TV with no instructions. Sharon reflects how it was the 27th time they had moved house during her children's lifetime, she then exclaims that it would be impossible for the family to move again due to the changes they made to the wallpaper and doors.

Ozzy becomes keen in operating his new house and begins with the TV. He fails to operate the TV after the technical support decided it be best if they let the owners find out for themselves, as Ozzy fails to operate the TV he calls his son, Jack to fix the problem which he does.

Ozzy appears on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno as a performer. Kelly and Sharon come with Ozzy to the show, but Jack stays at home, watching a documentary about marijuana instead which upsets Melinda who demands that he turns it off.

The episode also highlights Jack and Kelly's love-hate relationship, and their constant fighting. While the Osbournes are still settling in, Kelly nearly sets the kitchen on fire, and Jack wanders around the background clad in pseudo Army gear in a daze. The two constantly fight, chasing each other around the house. Jack and Kelly then go out clubbing, on Sunset Strip, using fake IDs. Ozzy warns them not to drink or take drugs and to wear condoms if they have sex.

In spite of all the problems, Sharon is happy and content that they're finally 'home'.

## Memorable Quotes

"*I'm not going to sit here and say that I'm the new Mother Teresa*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*I'm Ozzy Osbourne's wife and I say shut the fuck up!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Rock'n'Roll!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Loo-look. I-I love you all, I love you all more than life itself but you're all fucking mad!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Jack stop telling everyone that you're Ozzy Osbourne's son because you're a fucking loser*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*It's a fucking swimming pool and the fucker who built it I'm gonna drown the fucker in it*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Where do you want me to put my gun Sharon? Under the bed?*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Everything we open is broken and they keep saying we'll glue it together, I'll glue his fucking mouth shut*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Weak signal. Well that what I wanted today, a fucking Weak signal*"
— Ozzy osbourne

"*Why can't we have a normal fucking tele man?!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*With all these fucking buttons it could give you a blowjob as well go on the television. Press blowjob.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Jack! I found a Bayonet. Jack! It can go on my gun*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*You're so fucking violent.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*Shut up!*"
— jack and Ozzy Osbourne

"*I'll see him tonight, that's the Tonight Show*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*Put it this way, I don't need a laxative.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*That's nice! Wait until you're fifty or something-wait how old are you Sharon?*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*That's a good idea. We've only been here five minutes and we burn the fucking house down!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*It's a fucking eletric kettle. Well done first fire of the house!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Ever since kelly was born, she's what we call a wobbler. She freaks out Waahh waaah wahhh All over nothing*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*It's not that I'm tired it just that she seems to have this attitude against me*"
— Jack Osbourne about Kelly

"*If they believe you then that's fine but if they don't...you don't do anything the next few days.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*I'mma ass kicking fat kid!*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*Jack can say anything he want, do anything he wants but when it comes back at him he freaks*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*Oww! That's on camera Kelly! I'm showing that to mum!*"
— Jack Osbourne

## Trivia

* Strangely the DVD names this episode as *A House Divided*