The Evan Susser Summer Ice Cream Invitational Finals with Evan Susser

"The Evan Susser Summer Ice Cream Invitational Finals with Evan Susser" is Episode 167 of *Doughboys*, hosted by Mike Mitchell and Nick Wiger. "The Evan Susser Summer Ice Cream Invitational Finals with Evan Susser" was released on August 16, 2018.

## Synopsis

Screenwriter and former Tournament of Chompions commissioner Evan Susser (*Fist Fight*, *Sonic the Hedgehog*) returns to the show for the exciting conclusion of the Evan Susser Summer Ice Cream Invitational! Who will emerge victorious in the pint division, as Häagen-Dazs, Ben & Jerry's, and Halo Top compete for a chance to go head to head with Baskin Robbins? Plus, the debut of a new segment, Eating Up...State?

## Nick's intro

*"If not checked, many of our current practices put at serious risk the future that we wish for human society and the plant and animal kingdoms and may so alter the living world that it will be unable to sustain life in the manner that we know."*

These words were written by a group of 1700 scientists back in 1992.

In the quarter-century since, this grim warning about the consequences of global climate change has gone largely unheeded, as governments either advance tepid half-measures or deny factual reality to please corporate polluters.

2014 is the fourth hottest year in history; the only hotter years: 2015, 2016, and 2017. Sea levels are rising at their fastest level in 2000 years. Arctic sea-ice coverage has declined by 15% since 1980 and the ocean's acidity has increased by 26%.

The realists may accept that humanity is simply ill-equipped to fight an existential threat that demands international cooperation on a never-before-seen scale and that crossing the point-of-no-return may very well be inevitable. The nightmarish consequences are out of apocalyptic cinema: flooding tripled by 2030, a global climate refugee crisis, and increasingly hot summers as the Earth warms by up to six degrees this century.

And with such scorching hot summers becoming the norm, what better way to cool off than with that frosty sweet treat we all know and love? Ice cream!

Available at dedicated parlors and the cool case at your local supermarkets, these dairy delights provide at least some temporary relief from the coming heat death of civilization.

Today, we decide the best ice cream in America in two rounds of competition. First, the three biggest store-bought ice-cream pints square off: the esteemed cream with a gibberish foreign-word name, Häagen-Dazs; the Vermont creative mix-in outlet founded by the hippie duo of Ben & Jerry; and upstart low-calorie, low-guilt indulgence Halo Top.

Then the victor will compete for the unified title against the chain that won our Parlor Division: Baskin-Robbins.

This week on *Doughboys*, cool off from climate change with the conclusion of **The Evan Susser Summer Ice Cream Invitational**.

## Summer Ice Cream Invitational: Rules

This tournament will have a Parlor Division and a Pint Division.

There are four categories of scoring: Creativity of Flavors (10 pts), First Bite of Joy (10 pts), Theoretical Vanilla (10 pts), and Rumblies (-30 pts).

[*Baskin-Robbins won the Parlor Division in the Doughboys Double episode two days prior to this episode.*]

## Summer Ice Cream Invitational: Pint Division 🍦

In the Pint Division, three ice-cream brands known for their pints compete.

From Häagen-Dazs, The Doughboys have Green Tea, Vanilla, and Coffee flavors. They also get Ben & Jerry's pints: Cherry Garcia, Salted Caramel Core, and Everything But The... flavors. Lastly, they try Pancakes & Waffles, Cookies & Cream, and Sea Salt Caramel from Halo Top.

* First Bite Joy: 9
* Vanilla: 8
* Pint Design: 2
* Rumblies: -5
* total: 22 pts
* First Bite Joy: 6
* Vanilla: 5
* Pint Design: 2
* Rumblies: -5
* total: 15
* First Bite Joy: 0
* Vanilla: 0
* Pint Design: 1
* Rumblies: +5
* total: 6
 Mike Mitchell
* First Bite Joy: 6
* Vanilla: 7
* Pint Design: 1
* Rumblies: -5
* total: 15
* First Bite Joy: 9
* Vanilla: 7
* Pint Design: 2
* Rumblies: -10
* total: 17
* First Bite Joy: 0
* Vanilla: 1
* Pint Design: 0
* Rumblies: -10
* total: -9
 Evan Susser
* First Bite Joy: 7
* Vanilla: 8
* Pint Design: .5
* Rumblies: -2
* total: 20
* First Bite Joy: 8
* Vanilla: 7
* Pint Design: 2
* Rumblies: -7
* total: 17.5
* First Bite Joy: 1.5
* Vanilla: .5
* Pint Design: 2
* Rumblies: -5
* total: 2.5
 total

Häagen-Dazs Vanilla, Green Tea, CoffeeBen & Jerry's Salted Caramel Core, Everything But The..., Cherry GarciaHalo Top Cookies & Cream, Sea Salt Caramel, Pancakes & WafflesHäagen-Dazs wins! And advances to the Finals, which also happens in this episode.

## Summer Ice Cream Invitational: Finals 🍦

Despite Häagen-Dazs winning on the numbers, and with Susser claiming Ben & Jerry's is his favorite (though his ratings don't match that), for whatever reason, Ben & Jerry's goes up against Baskin-Robbins in the Finals.

However, it was also decided a vote for Häagen-Dazs would be ok (nobody did though).

Baskin-Robbins flavors in the competition: Blackberry Hibiscus, Peanut Butter Cup, Oreo & Cake.

 Mike Mitchell
 Evan Susser

Ben & Jerry's wins The Cold Cup!

## Eating It Up...State

In this segment, The Doughboys have some snacks from Ithaca, New York (upstate NY). Everything is courtesy of Wegmans, except the Turtles Bar.

First, they try a few flavors of Wegmans Crispy Potato Snacks: Salt & Pepper, Cheddar, and Barbecue.

After that, they tried some Wegmans Chocolate: Dark Chocolate Candied Orange Peels, Dark Chocolate Almonds, Toffee & Sea Salt. They also have a Turtles Caramel Pecan Nut Cluster Bar.

They all seemed totally sick of snacks and dessert at this point, and don't fully rate the chocolates (Mitch sort of does).

 Mike Mitchell
 Evan Susser

Wegmans Barbecue Crispy Potato SnacksWegmans Cheddar Crispy Potato SnacksWegmans Salt & Pepper Crispy Potato SnacksWegmans Chocolove Orange Peel in Dark Chocolate BarWegmans Chocolove Almonds, Toffee & Sea Salt in Dark Chocolate BarTurtles Caramel Nut Cluster

## #hashtags

* #GreenTeaNation
* #DQWouldHaveWon
* #ToffeeIsForClosers vs. #ToffeeIsForLosers
* #SecretGranny

## The Feedbag

The whole paradigm had me thinking: what fast food place is the perfect place to share good news?

## Related Episodes

* 167. **Finals**
* 167. The Evan Susser Summer Ice Cream Invitational Finals
* 207. Ben & Jerry's
* 290. Pie Noon: Creamsman Region
* 291. Pie Noon: Semi-sweet Finals
* 293. Pie Noon: Chompionship
* DD. The Evan Susser Ice Cream Invitational Semifinals
* 167. **The Evan Susser Ice Cream Invitational Finals**
* DD. The Great Ice Cream Sandwich Competition
* 290. Pie Noon: Creamsmen Region