Hi.

Jay Gatsby: (The Great Gatsby)

Did you receive an invitation to challenge the MC?

Excuse my manners old sport, I’m Gatsby!

I don’t plan to agree so leave your contracts

In your playroom’s toy chest before ya’ comeback

Got more than Roaring Twenties in my pocket

You couldn’t even finish Harvard economics!

I'll leave you Freed if you excuse my greed

and admit that it's time you submit to me

So Steele yourself, cuz you're a bad West Egg

Believe me, I know a lot about bootlegs

That’s how I Rolls-Royce when I drive through the ash

and beat you up ceaselessly into the past

I'm prevailin', Trevelyan, so let it sink in

Your fortune only came from picking up Lincolns

And no fanfiction that they give the green light

Will convince me you're not just black and white

Christian Grey (50 Shades of Grey)

Hold on Jay, let's slow this down

Mr. Grey will diss you now

You better not get too Carraway'd

because when it comes to rap, I dominate

and you'd make a doctor's billboard weep

while I take the time to leave my rhymes deep

inside both your mind and my Red Room

flayed Fifty Shades of black and blue

I'm pumped up, lusting for a win

You're a friendless fat cat and loose Bu-cannon

The Jazz Aged Gatz and turned potential

into a most fatal case of Affluenza

Quit ruining parties, Prohi-bitchin to Tom

or I'll leave your Egg cracked like my whore of a mom

It just goes to show I've got the love of the ladies

Since you're in the pool yet we're BOTH pushing Daisies

Augustus Gloop: (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)

Guten tag! I’ve won a golden ticket to whoopassery!

And Grey, despite the name, keep your Willy out this factory!

Too Hungary to focus on your cheating and effrontery

I’m clod stopping, Everlasting on this track and in my gluttony

And like blueberries, I’m popping corporate egos to get justice

With no mother here to say “save rhymes for later, Augustus”

You’ve both lost your man cards, so get chewed out, mastication!

Come with me and you’ll be in a world of pure annihilation!

Tom Sawyer: (The Adventures of Tom Sawyer & Huckleberry Finn)

Who let the pig out of his pen? Oop, it’s just Augustus Gloop

Guess I’m too slothful to tell a petting zoo from an obese nincompoop

In this rap and the in factory I guess you were the first to choke

Man it seems you’re really fudged just like the Oompa Loompa’s hoped

Learn to chew and rhyme, you’re not getting enough time to breathe!

How can you come out on top while you can’t see what’s underneath?

When I grab the mic you’re bound to make like the tube and suck it

Until your diabetes gets you and you kick the Charlie Bucket

Macbeth: (Macbeth)

It’s my fate to keep you like my bodyguards in the foyer

You’ll be tilted, italics, when [Exeunt, today’s Tom Sawyer!]

You’re all whitewashed up, but this Scot’s got it on Loch!

With lines as intricate as MacDougal’s cave to leave you lost!

While you’re hypnotizing children to go do your work instead

I’m just here wishing that it was destiny that you stayed dead

You envy me? I’m dastardly! Just ask all those I’ve slayed!

Succumb to your MacDaddy! Thou’ve just been Scottish Played!

Carrie White: (Carrie)

Your tragedy is written! Something wicked this way crumbles

Baby, be prepared to drown in blood, bent over, double doubled!

Your awful tests and rotten quotes make me wish I was illiterate

Thus I’m causing more death than a tale written by an idiot

So out, out you damned spot, and face my wrath at last!

It could only take the Whitest heart to taint a prom so black

Toil and trouble as fire burns and I ascend to queen

So whipped by your missus; it should be easy to come bow to me!

Dr. Victor Frankenstein: Frankenstein.

My rhymes are alive! Cower to my power, Frankenstein!

Playing God, the aramanthine Victor knows naught but true pride!

I’d say take a shower to vash up, but even that’s been drenched in blood

Quit spewing out that rancid flow, go take your mouth and plug it up!

This is the valiant work of science, there’s no place for little witches

Cause I listened to your verse and now I’m the one left in stitches!

Not even your mother loves you, Monster! You’re thunderstruck, electrified!

No one will know your name once I leave you like her, crucified!