Cool Patrol (song)

**Cool Patrol** is the second track on Ninja Sex Party's sixth album, *Cool Patrol*. Its music video was released on October 18th, 2016.

## Lyrics

Yo, Ninja Brian. You see that high schooler over there getting pushed around? This looks like a job for the Cool Patrol!

Hey, kid (Yo!)

You're getting picked on in school

The other boys (Huh!)

They say you just ain't cool

Well, that's bullshit (Yeah!)

We're gonna teach you to rule

Those motherfuckers ain't gonna bother you no more

We are the bad boys (Oh!)

From the tough side of town

We are the Cool Patrol (Woo!)

We'll turn your life around

Those bullies (Aw shit!)

Their ass is done for now

We're gonna show you how

So fuckin' listen, y'all, first:

You put your hands in the air and you jump off the ground

And then you take that funky butt and you shake it all around

And lightly jog in place and then crank it up to a prance

This is the Cool Patrol dance

Now put your hands in your pockets and take them right back out

Then spin around in a circle and make an animal sound (Moo!)

Then glide into the sprinkler like you're gonna water some plants

This is the Cool Patrol dance

Whee!

You get all that, kid?

That wasn't actually very helpful. That just like an instructional dance.

Hell yeah.

Motherfuckin' bullies better watch their ass

You're sending all them shits a message

There's a new king in class

When they see you, they're gonna freak out and piss their pants

They are your bitches

They are your bitches because

You put your hands in the air and then stick out your rear end

And then you wiggle it real hard and you hug your closest friend

And then you wildly remove your clothes and tearaway pants

This is the Cool Patrol dance

Now rub the peanut butter on you from your head to your feet

And cover up your nudity with different cheeses and meats

Then slap a camel because this may be your only chance

This is the Cool Patrol dance

Cool break! Alright! This is cool! \*Cough\* Excuse me. Hey, I have an idea! Let's kick it! (Woo!)

You put your hands in the air and grab a bird from the sky

And eat it whole so that you may absorb its power of flight

Now you can also dive bomb fish because your vision's enhanced

This is the Cool Patrol dance

You're basically a superhero now so throw some cars

Then rub your magnum thighs together and set fire to Mars

Now harness all your sexy fury in a victory stance

This is the Cool Patrol dance

Your training is complete! Now go show those fuckers who's boss!

Okay! Hey, guys. Listen up. You put your hands in-

Oh god! Oh. He might- He might actually be dead.

## Music Video Credits

### Cast

* Dan Avidan as Danny Sexbang
* Brian Wecht as Ninja Brian
* Jacksepticeye as The Kid
* Markiplier as Cool Patrol Leader
* Ryan Magee as Verified Cool Patrol Member
* Matt Watson (credited as Matt Wilson) as Unverified Cool Patrol Member
* Jordan McQuiston as Roller Dancer
* Diamon Walker as Roller Dancer
* Hunter Collins as Roller Dancer
* Zan Alda as Cow
* Barry Kramer as Camel
* Kaden Vu as Bully
* Eric Radic as Bully
* Lala Araki as Roller Lady
* Milloux as Roller Lady
* Lindsey Jennings as Roller Lady
* Jordan Irby as Roller Rink Patron
* Jeffrey Minter as Roller Rink Patron
* Viktoria Ershova as Roller Rink Patron
* Jonathan Sapp as Roller Rink Patron
* Christina Correa as Roller Rink Patron
* Kassandra Corea as Roller Rink Patron
* Pamela Horton as Roller Rink Patron
* Vernon Shaw as Roller Rink Patron
* Kyle Crosby as Roller Rink Patron
* Daniel Stonem Ali as Roller Rink Patron
* Meredith Quail as Roller Rink Patron
* Amy as Roller Rink Patron

### Production

* Written by Ninja Sex Party
* Directed by Sean Barrett
* Edited by Sean Barrett
* Produced by Svetlana Dekic
* Production Supervisor: Sarah Williams
* Director of Photography: Gordon Yould
* Additional Post-Production: Matt Watson
* 1st AC: Brooks Burgoon
* 2nd AC: Jeffrey Ball
* Steadicam Operator: Bryant Swanstrom
* Gaffer: Seth Naugle
* Key Grip: Conrad Wrobel
* Media Manager: Andrew Fontanelle
* Makeup: Taja Davis
* Wardrobe: Lici Koch
* NSP Costumes: Kristen Carr
* Art Department: Kati Schwartz
* Production Assistant: Tasha Anderson
* Production Assistant: Rory Ross
* Manager: Brent Lilley