Chapter 49: I'm Feeling Like Crap

**I'm Feeling Like Crap** is the forty-ninth Chapter of *Boku no Kokoro no Yabai Yatsu*.

## Summary

Ichikawa is back in his room, reading *Your Color's Octave*, and considering the events on Christmas Eve, two days ago. He considers what he should have done differently, but then remembers he needs to pack for his family's trip to his grandparent's place tomorrow. When he gets up off his bed to begin, a strange man is posing nonchalantly on his desk. He recognizes the apparition as Nigorikawa-kun, the male lead in *Your Color's Octave*. He introduces himself as a figment of Ichikawa's imagination, and asks him to think back to Christmas Eve with Yamada. He thinks about her grabbing his chin, the back of her bra, and holding hands, and Nigorikawa clarifies not just the perverted parts. Clutching at his crotch, he asks Nigorikawa to leave, but he ignores him and asks him to recall to what he said in the fitting room, and to consider that Yamada may feel the same way as he does. Embarrassed, Ichikawa lies on his pillow and covers his face, recalling how they held hands, and how that already means so much, but counters his own statement by considering how affectionate she is with Chi and her other friends. He asks his own imagination what he thinks, and he considers it a possibility, leavinghim angry. Nigorikawa advises him that, if he doesn't want to be seen as a girl, he should train himself like a man, and Ichikawa grabs onto his slim forearm before attempting to do some push-ups off his bed.

After doing a few pushups, his phone goes off, showing Yamada's name, and he excitedly abandons his exercise. She sends two texts asking "Would you mind" and "if I called you?" He panics, wondering what she could want, but sits up straight and replies properly that it's fine. His phone immediately starts ringing, causing him to nearly drop it in surprise, and he answers. They greet each other, and she asks if he'd been exercising, because his breath is short, and he curses the timing in his head, but denies it to her. She asks about his trip to Akita, and he clarifies that he's leaving tomorrow, but that they'll at least have WiFi in the country. He apologizes for still having her muffler, but she says he can return it whenever. He finds it and holds it out, telling her that it's in a plastic, sealable bag, trying to phrase things so that it doesn't sound weird, but making her laugh. Switching gears, she asks him if he has a drink nearby, he looks around and spots a water bottle and grabs it, and she tells him to drink, and they do so in tandem. She then tells him to open up a nearby book, and he again follows along, finding the CiEL magazine and opening it to a page she's on. She asks what kind of a book it is, and he stammers, unable to answer, and she asks nervously if it's a dirty one. He denies it firmly, but secretly wants to know if there's a way to record her asking the question with his phone. She then asks him to open his curtains, and he does so, but finds the request frightening, and she asks if he can't see the moon, which he agrees with. He then asks what the point of this is, and she says it's no reason, as she passes her fingers over an open volume of *Your Color's Octave.* She apologizes for calling so late, and he says it's fine, as he hasn't been able to sleep well recently. In response, she asks him to put his hand on his head and move it back and forth three times, and he does so, as she mimics the actions on a stuffed bear in her room. She claims this will help him get a good night's sleep, and suddenly says goodnight before hanging up, leaving him unable to say the same to her. He feels as though that entire phone call he had been remote controlled, and considers even though Yamada was the reason he had been feeling bad the past few days, hearing her voice made all that go away. He sends a quick "Night" text on the phone, and lays down. The final panel is him back in bed, looking pained with Nigorikawa looking over him, and him concluding that the negative feeling will come back after a while.

* Bonus images are Yamada looking sly behind a curtain, with Ichikawa panicking behind her, and a preview image of Ichikawa in the snow for the next chapter.

## Trivia

Yamada correcting herself from telling Ichikawa to open the curtains to opening his blinders and him asking internally how she knows is in reference to her coming into his room when he was sick. She remembers it vividly, and probably took in a lot of details, but he has no memory of her being there.