10 Thoughts From the Fourth Trimester

*This article was written by the AI Claude+, with revisions by Superbattleshipyamato.*

Tim Urban's wife went into labor unexpectedly two weeks after he launched his new book. He had planned to have two weeks to promote the book before the baby arrived, so he was not ready for the baby to come so soon. When his wife texted him that her water broke, he had to quickly research what that meant and rush her to the hospital.

The drive to the hospital and the early hours of labor were surreal and not what he had imagined. His wife was not in active labor yet, so they were just waiting around. He had pictured a dramatic rush to the hospital with his wife screaming in pain, but instead they were just hanging out eating snacks.

Once labor began hours later, the author felt useless during contractions and could only sit by awkwardly. His wife got an epidural, but then they went back to just chatting and waiting. When she was finally ready to push, it was just the himself, his wife, and one nurse - not the big medical team he had pictured. Pushing took hours because the baby's head would start to emerge and then go back in. Finally, the baby girl was born, and the author was in shock staring at this screaming creature.

The first thought he shares is that a newborn is not really a baby yet. Newborns are more like weird little creatures that still act like they're in the womb. Human babies are born prematurely compared to other animals because of the size of the human pelvis, so the final months of development happen outside the womb. His newborn daughter did not seem ready for the world yet.

He thinks there should be mandatory training for all new parents to teach them the many skills required to care for a baby. There is too much to figure out on your own. He now knows a lot of new words and information related to baby and child development that he had to learn through reading and research. Some people say "you'll figure it out" or "just use your instincts" but parenting is too important for that approach.

Babies have huge heads, especially compared to their bodies, which is a strange thing to suddenly have to be responsible for. Babies are also overly dramatic in their reactions to everything and go from zero to screaming very quickly. But their emotions are also simple - they exist in a state of either Shakespearean agony or neutral, with no positive emotion. Their behavior is kind of funny but also annoying.

The parent-newborn relationship is very one-sided. As a parent you have intense love and feelings of responsibility for this little creature, but they give almost nothing back in terms of interacting or acknowledging you. Newborns don't even smile until around 6 weeks. The only thing you can really do is squish their little faces, but then they just cry. The author found himself talking endlessly to his unresponsive baby, sharing stories and information that she clearly did not understand.

Babies have no schedule and do not care about any routine. They wake up and need to eat at random times, and just when you think you see a pattern forming, they change it up again. The author shared graphs showing the erratic sleep schedules of three different babies to illustrate his point.

It's impossible for parents to know if their own baby is genuinely cute to others or if they just perceive them that way due to biological urges. Every parent thinks their own baby is adorable, and people will always say any baby is cute to be polite. The author admits there is no way to get an objective view of his own daughter's cuteness or lack thereof.

Caring for such a helpless newborn made the author realize how skilled and coordinated the average adult is in comparison. Simple tasks like reaching for a glass of water require a mastery of motor skills, balance, and strength that even older babies struggle with.

Becoming a parent is a gradual process, not an overnight change. Even a few months in, the author does not quite feel like a "dad" yet in the sense of active parenting - right now he mostly just has this amusing new creature in his house that he cares for. Seeing friends with older babies and children gave him a glimpse into the future of actual parenting, but his daughter is not at that stage yet. It will take time to adjust to such a huge life transition.

Finally, having a child makes you think hard about the uncertain future and what challenges or developments she might face in her lifetime, for better or worse. There are so many unknowns, from living a normal life to far more futuristic or catastrophic scenarios, that parenting requires coming to terms with a lot of uncertainty. The author wants the best for his daughter but knows her future could look very different from the present.