Diet Coke

> *a living embodiment of no calorie soda, literally begging the gods to strike her down where she stands, or at least strike her with a cease and desist order*
>
>

## Diet Coke

### Aliases

* Emily (shoot name)
* Bag Noise Coke
* Shop-Vac
* Damn Violet Beauregarde (DVB)

## Biographical information

### Date of birth

Was 13 in 2004. Is now 28. Don't worry about proof.

## Appearances

### Debut

Episode #1

Diet Coke is one of the two main hosts of *Diet Coke & Lilith's House of Snax*. She is a golem who was born when someone sprinkled some aspartame on a stone and then hit it with a Nintendo 64 controller. (That's all it takes to create a Diet Coke in your own town). She used to have laser hair, but all of it is now gone because of her laser hair removal. Diet Coke has power to make command decisions over the podcast, because Lilith put her name first in the title. She believes this was a mistake on Lilith's part. Because of the podcast, Diet coke and Lilith now have snacks in their blood and passion in their breath.

Diet Coke is seemingly either further than Lilith in the line of human evolution (homo superior) or just on an alternate evolutionary path, as she has an additional lobe in her brain that was positively stimulated by drinking Flamin' Hot Mountain Dew during Episode #44. At the beginning of Episode #51, Diet Coke formally announced her intention to crank up the silly dial as they go forward with the podcast. This was later followed by the introduction of a soundboard.

At the end of almost every *House of Snax* episode of the first season (#1-52), Diet Coke was possessed by the Snack Keeper, who says the podcast outro. She did not seem to retain memory of anything that happened while being possessed. Each episode usually ended shortly before the Snack Keeper returns Diet Coke's body, with the exception of Episode #22, where Diet Coke briefly returned before the outro, saying, "Ah! I've never come back from that before." The Snack-Keeper died at the end of Episode #52. Since the Snack-Keeper died in Diet Coke's body, they now live deep in her psyche and can talk to her like the Green Goblin in the Spider-Man movies.

Following the Snack-Keeper's death, Diet Coke often became possessed by other entities who said the show outro, such as the Funsucker, a Beatle, and Annie Lennox. Diet Coke believes this is because her brain is just susceptible to that sort of thing. Once Snack-Keeper's egg offspring hatched, Snack-Keeper Jr, who has all of Snack-Keeper's memories, became the main possession entity, later followed by Snack Keeper III. Before recording each episode with Lilith, she also often gets taken over by a lusty entity while recording descriptions of the snacks, causing the descriptions to be more erotic than usual.

## Highly Controversial Snack Opinions

### Dr. Pepper

Discussed during Episode #27, Diet Coke believes that coming into the aftertaste of Dr. Pepper, there is a slight hint of egg taste. Her best friend podcaster Andrew Linde agrees with this opinion, but her other best friend Lilith believes it is the stupidest thing ever. Diet Coke explained the taste, "I'm an egg freak. Maybe that's why my eyes are more open to the egg truth of Dr. pepper. Its not just egg; it's specifically fried egg white, but it's in there... I'm willing to admit that maybe there's not an intentional egg taste in here, but maybe it's just a chemical recreation that happens to align with similar chemicals in egg, but to me that's six in one, half dozen in the other. If there's an egg taste, there's an egg taste. It's in there. I think for me, not to sound like a freak, but I think that's part of the appeal of Dr. pepper." This egg taste is present in Diet Dr. Pepper, but it is not in Dr. Pepper Zero Sugar, a therefore worthless alternative.

### Apples

During Episode #36, Diet Coke revealed, "I have a way of eating an apple that upsets some people. I eat the whole apple. I think that is the way to go. I think that is the correct way to do it. I think it conveniently leaves you with no core you have to carry around in your dirty pocket trying to figure out where you're gonna throw it away... Instead of working across the sides as you would with a traditional apple strategy, you start from the top and you work your way down. Confession: I do tend to remove the stem before I do this, so I am somewhat lying when I say I eat the whole apple, because I don't usually eat the stem, although I have in the past. And you just eat your way down, and in this way, the composition of the bites you're getting, I'll tell you, you don't notice the core nearly as much as you think you would. When you eat from the top down like this, the composition of the bites you're getting is mostly non-core apple, and you barely notice the core. It's great. It feels natural. You feel as powerful as a horse. This is nature's secret. That's why horses do that. That's why they eat the whole apple, and that's why you should, too... I'm not saying it's a moral failing not to eat the whole apple; I'm just saying, if you have the opportunity, it's nice." Lilith replied, "Filth."

## Miscellaneous Snack Opinions

(Episode-specific snack opinions can be found in the Official Snack Ratings Chart.)

* Hater of ranch despite being an adventurous eater
* Mayo fan
* Ranch has Chuck E. Cheese energy
* Favorite sauce is Raising Cane's sauce
* Anything can be a snack; it's a state of mind
* Soda tastes better out of a half glass
* Likes orange cheddar popcorn more than white cheddar popcorn, likely because of the Nickelodeon kid in her
* Not a fan of baked chips
* Was ambivalent about lime for the first 26 years of her life but now likes it more with every year older she gets
* Believes mashed potatoes are the worst form of potato
* Regular Funyuns are almost worthless compared to Flamin' Hot Funyuns (Lilith's response to this belief, "die bitch," led to her being banned from twitter for a week)
* Believes that Cheetos and Funyuns are chips, but pretzels, rye chips, and bagel chips are not.
* "I think I would have to admit that baked chips aren't chips in my mind. I think to me what defines a chip is the fried element, and that's why Cheetos count... Fried chips are a category that when I say "I want chips," you could substitute a Cheeto-type chip for a Lay's-type chip."
* Doesn't hate lasagna but believes there are many better things you can do with a pasta dish; lasagna is a waste of a noodle (Diet Coke and Lilith's disagreement on this topic is what inspired the icon of the podcast)
* "If you're putting Pizza Rolls in the microwave, you're scum, frankly"
* Believes that Kraft macaroni & cheese is more of an instant version of a carbonara than a macaroni & cheese
* "I never feel more powerful than when I eat some Kraft mac & cheese"
* Believes people who only eat the default style of Oreos are missing out (her favorite is golden)
* Hates yellow mustard because it tastes like vinegar, but she likes brown mustard
* Loves Little Caesar's
* "Baked cheese country, that's where I wanna live"
* Likes soft pretzels but hates hard pretzels without coating, which taste like chalk with salt on it, although she generally likes chalky foods
* Really likes Hello Panda; (generally) Japanese crackers with (generally) chocolate may be her favorite category of snack
* Chocolate banana flavor Pocky is one of the worst things she has ever eaten in her life
* Blueberry is an under-represented flavor in the candy game
* "I feel one with God when I eat a McRib"
* Believes that most chips, especially potato chips, are better if you microwave them for ten to fifteen seconds. She calls it "hot chip." This does not work with regular Cheetos or anything with ridges. Lay's Sour Cream & Onion works best, although after microwaving them for fifteen seconds during an episode, she said that thirty seconds may have been a more appropriate heating time.
* Famously doesn’t like savory Chex Mix and thinks it’s a bad overrated trash snack
* Lunchables pizza was always bad
* Microwaving a Lunchables pizza is even worse than a Lunchables pizza
* She and Lilith agree that DiGiorno is good; "I want to eat a whole loaf of bread with my pizza"
* Tony’s is cheap high quality frozen pizza
* Kid Cuisine was bad, but it ruled
* Is a big Pop-Tarts fan, self-declared tart head
* Nutella's great
* Nuts.com Quattro Sour Power Belts are her favorite sour candy
* "I'm definitely an egg pervert. I'm one of those freaks who wants a real runny yolk,"
* Loves chicken and waffles
* Lemon-Lime Gatorade is the perfect drink. "That level of refreshment Will have a mythic impact on your brain, that's how powerful Gatorade is." It tastes slightly better if shaken.
* Diet Coke is a better analog to Pepsi than Diet Pepsi.
* 20 or 16 oz plastic bottles of soda tastes better than cans, and glass bottles are even better
* Sprite has the best commercials in the soda game
* "When wet and dry come together, ooh, that's my favorite thing. I love a good texture mix like that"
* Carrot Cake Oreos are vile
* Pop Rocks are fun
* White fudge covered Oreos are her favorite
* Target brand circus animal cookies are a little better than Mother's
* Diet Coke loves Yoo-hoo: "Great drink, love it, put it in my veins, make me a Yoo-hoo lady, I don't care, I love it so much"
* Loves Kraft cheese, American cheese, Cheese Whiz from a jar, but can't do Easy Cheese
* Not a sweet potato person; sweet potato fries are the Devil's invention
* "Just call me Bugs Bunny 'cause I'll munch on a carrot all day long"
* Onion is an S-tier burger topping, especially grilled
* She is a dark chocolate freak and a Hershey's milk chocolate bar hater
* Doesn't like apple sauce
* Favorite M&M's variant is dark chocolate peanut
* Famous Amos is the gold standard of crispy cookies
* "I've never been one of these freezer Pop-Tart losers. Sorry to anyone who is... I also think if you're eating them in the microwave, you're some kind of sicko. And hey, I'm a sicko, too, in other ways."
* Prays that Pudding Bites will come back but knows they never will because most people hated them

During Episode #52, she revealed her top five snacks that had been reviewed on the show so far:

1. Chororooms
2. Pepsi Zero
3. Kraft Dinner
4. Nuts.com Quattro Sour Power Belts
5. Herr's Deep Dish Pizza Cheese Curls

## Other Facts

* Has not consumed ranch in about 7 years
* ~~Has never been to Texas.~~ Has been to Texas once as a child but did not leave the Dallas Fort Worth Airport
* Believes that chewing sounds should be kept in the podcast because it gives insight into the texture of the food
* Her signature sound is chugging water, which she is known for doing on her Twitch streams
* Was unaware of the Snack Keeper's existence until episode #9
* Sometimes says "Here we go" in a Mario voice before eating or drinking
* "One of my favorite places to be is inside of a grocery store"
* Was a fan of The Flintstones as a kid; "a good half of the home videos that exist of me as a child involve me at some point or another singing the Flintstones theme song"
* A doctor once came to her school and told the students to eat an apple at the end of their lunch because it was kind of like brushing your teeth, because it's like wet
* Does jazz hands every time she says "and this is our House of Snax" during the podcast intro
* Her favorite Digimon is Bodysore
* Loves to hit the "P" in "raspberry"
* Has a fascination with calling peoples' faces a puss: "I think it just has a nice kind of vaudeville sound to it. I think it's fun to say, but you know you can't just call anyone's face a puss."
* The first time she ever got drunk was off of vodka Fresca at a college party
* She is afraid of getting tattoos

1. ↑ Episode #18
2. ↑ Episode #34
3. ↑ Episode #48
4. ↑ Episode #1
5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 Episode #12
6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 Episode #61
7. ↑ Episode #4
8. ↑ 8.0 8.1 Episode #52
9. ↑ 9.0 9.1 Episode #62
10. ↑ Episode #65
11. ↑ https://twitter.com/verycoolemily/status/1185613375687905280 (Discussed in Episode #4)
12. ↑ Episode #23
13. ↑ Episode #27
14. ↑ 14.0 14.1 Episode #28
15. ↑ Episode #31
16. ↑ Episode #32
17. ↑ Episode #33
18. ↑ 18.0 18.1 18.2 18.3 Episode #34
19. ↑ 19.0 19.1 Episode #35
20. ↑ Episode #37
21. ↑ Episode #37
22. ↑ 22.0 22.1 Episode #40
23. ↑ Episode #44
24. ↑ Episode #48
25. ↑ Episode #50
26. ↑ 26.0 26.1 Episode #50
27. ↑ Episode #51
28. ↑ Episode #57
29. ↑ Episode #27 (See On Podcast Wiki Mentions for more info)
30. ↑ Episodes #3, #4, #8, #9, #10, #16, #25, #36, #46, #47, #48, #49, #54
31. ↑ Episode #25
32. ↑ Episode #36
33. ↑ Episode #39
34. ↑ Episode #53