Goro: Is This the Worst You Can Do

*Is this all you've got?*

*Joke's on you, bitch. They're coming for you. We've already won.*

*Oh no, I have to be bored for a day or two. At least Mishka and Ripley got to ride around and do some sightseeing. How will I ever recover from sitting in a cellar for a while?*

*Talk to me, pretty thing. Whisper sweet nothings in my ear. At least give me a story to tell, after my friends have murdered you and come back to unchain me.*

He woke up on the deck of the Sugar Glider, blinking in the midday sun. Everyone was out there with him: Nixie, Hansel, Mishka, Larkin, Raef, Roddy, Mormiir. Did Mormiir live on the ship now? Why was everyone watching him? He'd done something, maybe Diva had called in her six seconds—

Their eyes turned black and drippy. They descended on him, mouths opened grotesquely wide, full of jagged teeth.

It ended suddenly. He was in the cellar again, wide awake and unable to move.

Wow. That had been… strange. He'd fallen asleep for a second, he guessed. It had startled him, he'd grant her that much.

*Did you do that? Was that specially made, just for me? Aw, you shouldn't have.*

*Go on. Give me another. Let's keep things interesting.*

She didn't, not right away. He was on edge, expecting it, and maybe she waited just long enough for him to start thinking about something else. It really was like falling in and out of sleep, where he couldn't pinpoint the moment the shift happened.

He'd crawled into a little hole off an alley for the night. When he woke up in the morning found it had been bricked over. He screamed and beat at the bricks until his hands bled, but no one could hear him. He didn't know if suffocation would get him before starvation did.

He was fighting Diva-Ripley, and he tried to shield Nixie from her, but a black tentacle threw him out of the way. Ripley ran Nixie straight through with the greatsword, then pulled it out, and Nixie crumpled to the ground. Goro was praying and praying for healing as he crawled to her side, but nothing happened. He fumbled for his wands, but his hands were slow, fingers unwieldy. They were out of charges. He was out of magic. Roddy was gone. Everyone else was gone. She was limp in his arms. He couldn't wake her up, no matter how loud he screamed.

He thought he'd found a safe place to sleep for the night, but he woke up to someone sticking a knife in his side. Funny, it didn't hurt as much as when that had happened to him in real life.

That realization stirred him awake. Real awake, in the cellar.

*You have to work on your technique. Details are important, Diva. Being cut open hurts a lot, did you know?*

He was hurting a lot now. He hadn't had a chance to heal himself after the fight, and his whole body still felt like he'd been pushed into the path of a rolling boulder. His mouth was chafed from the first gag they'd stuck on him, before Nixie's improved version. He had the most god-awful crick in his neck from his head hanging to one side, and if anything was going to drive him insane, it was going to be that. Even his knuckles were sore, still, from beating the shit out of Mishka earlier.

Hansel was sitting across from him, sharpening one of his axes and taking occasional drinks from a bottle at his side. Goro found it weirdly comforting. Just Hansel being Hansel. It was something sturdy Goro could lean on while he sorted through images from the nightmares, remembering them one by one, briefly feeling the sickening helplessness again, and then the relief of knowing they weren't real.

*Gosh. You're trying really hard, aren't you? I'm flattered. All this attention, all this effort on your part, just for me. There is something special between us, isn't there? I'm not like your other hosts.*

He blew her kisses in his mind.

*Here's what's going to drive you crazy.*

*The thing that's most precious to me, you can't ever take away.*

*Do you know what it is? Huh? Do you? Can you figure it out?*

*No, you can't figure it out, you dumb bitch. I can tell you, and there's no possible way you will understand it.*

*Kill me. Kill everyone important to me. Take over the whole fucking world, and you still won't get it.*

*Do you want to know? Is it driving you batty?*

Hansel set down his ax. He got to his feet, walked over, and ruffled Goro's hair.

"Hey, dipshit. I've been meaning to ask you something. What the fuck's the matter with you?"

Hansel gripped his hair tight and yanked his head all the way back. Leaned over him from above, baring his teeth.

"What's your fucking problem, huh?"

A discordant shriek cut through the air. The blade of the ax, on the whetstone. Hansel was sitting across from him again, focused on sharpening. He paused and checked the edge of the blade with his thumb, then took another swig from his bottle.

What the fuck?

What the fuck had just happened?

There was no way in hell that was a natural progression of events, so the most obvious conclusion was that she was fucking with him. Alright, that had done it. That had caught him off guard. Waking dreams—hallucinations—that was a little more worrying than nightmares.

He smiled inside.

*I love this little back and forth we've got going on here. Don't you?*

*You still don't have it, bitch.*

#

When Roddy took watch, he sat there poking and prodding at Goro, trying to get Diva to talk to him. It wasn't fucking working, and it was getting old—in particular every time he poked at one of the ribs Goro suspected was broken. God fucking damn it, Roddy.

Eventually the kid gave up and pulled out his lute. That was better. He played Goro a nice song; a little sad, but hopeful. Something about becoming a better person. Yeah, wasn't that the mood of the hour.

Then Roddy tripped over a few chords, and stopped playing abruptly. His face was turned away, and he made a noise that might have been a sob.

He started muttering to himself.

It was very quiet at first, and Goro didn't catch everything he was saying.

"It'd be better for everyone if…" Roddy seemed to catch himself, and he shook his head. He muttered some other things, unintelligible. He didn't look well. He was fidgety.

He set down his lute and climbed to his feet. Moved closer to Goro, reluctantly, it seemed like. His body language said he'd rather be running the other direction.

He pulled his crossbow off his back, and a bolt out of his quiver. His hands were shaking.

*Oh, I get it. This isn't real. Good show, though.*

Roddy aimed the bolt at Goro's face. He didn't look happy. "It's what's best for the team," he said, with little conviction in his voice.

Goro wasn't buying it—it just didn't seem right—but fuck, she was doing a good fucking job, because it looked real as all get out. The lighting in the room, the sound of Roddy's voice, everything down to the leathery texture of his skin and the way the crossbow bolt wavered in little ovals as his hands trembled.

Fuck, was it… could it be real? Just how mixed-up was Goro about everything? Well, he supposed he'd find out in a second, when Roddy let that bolt loose and Goro either died or didn't.

Except Roddy didn't fire. He gave a little whimper and backed away, lowering his weapon. Then he turned and ran from the room, grabbing his lute on the way.

Well, shit.

*Alright, I see. You're going to show me everyone turning against me. Well-played, I have to admit. Especially after I made an idiot of myself and declared my love for them. You sure know what makes a man tick, don't you? You've found it. The thing that scares me the most, looks like. Bravo, bitch.*

*You still don't have what's most precious to me.*

*Do you know what it is?*

*Have you figured it out yet?*

#

She made him dream he was at the Sanctuary of Eldath, and he crept into the room where Amari was sleeping and stabbed her, savagely, while she screamed and begged to know why.

Very impressive. Very showy, all the details. The look of shock and betrayal in Amari's eyes.

*If I could applaud you right now, I would. That one was well done.*

*But nope!*

*You still don't have it.*

#

"Hey, pal. Still awake in there?" Larkin tapped his cheek. She tried the light thing again, but it didn't work this time. Diva was clutching him too tight now. And, truth be told, he was getting kind of exhausted. He was confused about how long it had been—felt like a whole day at least, but everyone had been talking about how they were going to go fight the queen as soon as they'd had a chance to rest, so what was Larkin still doing here?

She settled down on the floor a few feet away. "You know that asshole, Shrewd? I have to tell you about this time he tried to pass a bottle of liquor off as perfume. Wish you could've been there to see the look on his face when he got caught."

She told him a few stories like that. Funny shit, nothing too serious. If it weren't for the crick in his neck, he'd almost have been able to relax. Nixie popped into the room a while later, and bless her, she took one look at him and said, "Oh, his head doesn't look like it's in a very comfortable position."

She walked over to him and tried to adjust it, but it just lolled the other way. Still felt a lot better, anyway. She frowned, continuing her attempts to adjust his positioning. "I'm not sure how to get it to stay up."

"Just stand there and hold it," Larkin said.

Nixie's hands stilled. She glanced over her shoulder, then looked back to Goro, and kept trying to balance his head.

"It'd be nice if you could be useful for a change," Larkin said under her breath, barely loud enough to be heard.

"I—" Nixie's hands trembled. "I have been—b-being useful. I made everyone's beds and I… I-I made sure Ripley's body was…"

"Is that all you could think to do?"

Nixie said nothing, but her breaths were sharp enough for Goro to hear. "S-someone had to—"

"Yeah, you're right. Good point. Maybe you can stay here and sweep the floors while the rest of us go fight Diva. Someone has to."

What the fuck, Larkin. Goro would have screamed it at her, if he could. What the ever-loving fuck.

But it was that very confusion that gave him pause. It wasn't like Larkin to lash out at people who weren't sticking their noses in her business. This wasn't real, was it?

*This isn't real, is it?*

Hah, like that was going to do any good.

He scoured the details of the environment, searching for a clue. Took in every little detail about Nixie and Larkin, looking for something off. The problem was, assuming he found something—a little tell—Diva would know it too, and she'd catch it the next time.

Nixie placed his head gently to one side, the side it hadn't started out on. She left the room without a word.

A while later, he had a fresh crick in his neck. Larkin told him another funny story.

#

When it was Mishka's turn to stand watch, Hansel joined him. Or maybe it was the other way around. Seemed like enough time had passed that Hansel would be up in the rotation again. (When were they going to kill Diva? *When?* What were they waiting for?)

Mishka and Hansel played Dead Man's Ante. Hansel sat where Goro could see his hand. Goro tried to yell suggestions at him telepathically. Didn't work.

*Hansel! Hey, Hansel! Come tip my head the other way. My neck hurts.*

That didn't work, either.

He ached all over from the fight, still. The pain had ebbed just enough to bring certain points into focus. The broken ribs, which Diva had no regard for when she made him breathe in and out. And one of his kneecaps felt like it was cracked, too.

*Someone could at least come heal me. Hey. Hansel. Mishka. Send me a healer. Listen up, you fucks. Hey. Hey you. HEY.*

Mishka glanced up and looked Goro dead in the eye. For the briefest instant, a sadistic smile crossed his lips. Then his focus was back on his cards.

That wasn't fucking real.

No fucking way.

Goro wasn't sure any of this was real. Hansel had given him water a little while ago, his big hands gentle as he tilted Goro's head back and eased his jaw open. He knew just the right angle to pour the water in so it wouldn't choke him. Diva had spat most of it back out, anyway, but it had still felt good to have his mouth moistened, and he'd been grateful.

Had that been fake, too?

*See if I give a shit, when all this is over. If I pretend everything is a dream, then it's like none of it happened, and none of it matters.*

*I'm a clever boy, Diva.*

*You know what, I'm feeling charitable. So I'll tell you what it is, the thing you can never take from me.*

*You want to know the best thing about me? I have loved, and been loved. And what you don't understand is that you can never make that not true. You can destroy everything. You can keep me for eternity. And I will always be someone who loved, and was loved.*

*So nice try, bitch.*

At least the shock of Mishka's little smile had been enough to make him forget the pain, for a moment.

#

"Hey, sugar-plum."

Goro wasn't sure if he'd been asleep. He felt like he'd missed something. Hansel was gone, and just Mishka was watching him now.

"I wanted to give you an update. Sorry it's taking so long to get you out of there. We've hit a few… bumps along the way."

Hansel had used the words *get that thing out of you*, but for Mishka, it was *get you out of there*. That did feel more accurate, didn't it? And Mishka would know. It was a prison.

Mishka glanced over his shoulder, then looked back to Goro with a slight smile. He stepped closer, and whispered. "I was thinking you and I could have some alone time together. They'll be gone for quite a while, this time. Lots of… bumps."

That raised a few dozen questions, and Goro couldn't ask a single one of them. He'd just have to wait for Mishka to explain. Now, there was an eternity of torment, right there. Waiting for Mishka to explain himself clearly and completely.

"Oh, Goro." Mishka put a hand on his cheek, caressing it. There was pity in his eyes. "Look at you. Can you even hear me right now, or is she showing you things?" Mishka's thumb traced back and forth over his cheekbone. "I'm curious what it is she shows you that scares you the most. We should compare notes when you're out. Assuming you can still speak at all, when it's over. How long would it take her, do you think, to break you so bad you can't even speak? She had me for two weeks, but it felt like longer. And look. I'm still talking. So how long should we try with you?"

There was one big problem with this hallucination, and Goro wasn't sure Diva could read it yet. If he didn't think about it… damn, though, not thinking about things was hard.

He must have failed. She caught it. Hansel stepped through the doorway. Mishka straightened up and faced him, asking, "Is it done?" Hansel nodded.

*Too neat and tidy, babe. The timing was uncanny. The moment you realize I know Mishka wouldn't betray Hansel, you add Hansel to the betrayers? Gosh, who's going to walk in next? Nixie?*

Hansel and Mishka turned on him, their eyes black and their nails growing into claws. They ripped him apart.

Hah. That was nice. That meant he was winning.

#

The hours stretched on. Seriously, what was taking so long? Mishka had said: *two weeks, but it felt like longer.* Was that real? Was that part true?

Pretending everything was a hallucination had sounded like a good plan at first, but in truth it was wearing him out. It was a lot of work to convince himself, over and over again, that his eyes and ears were lying to him. All for boring shit, too. It had been hours since anything frightening had happened, or since anyone had done anything questionable. Goro had to sit and stare at the wall and try to tell himself the wall was fake.

Nixie came in for her watch. The sight of her lifted his heart, same as it always did. Who even cared if it was a hallucination, then? It was a nice hallucination.

"Goro? Do you want to try eating something?" She was carrying a plate with food on it. Suddenly she looked like someone had scolded her. "I mean, I know you can't answer, but…"

She untied his gag and set it carefully aside. She gathered up a spoonful of cooked vegetables, cupped his chin with one hand, and eased his mouth open. She maneuvered the spoon into his mouth. He wasn't expecting anything to happen, but his body sucked the contents off the spoon and began to chew it. Nixie smiled, relieved. Then he spat the food out, right into her face.

Her smile fell away, but besides that she hardly reacted. She wiped the chewed-up food off with a napkin. She was so stoic when she needed to be, and he wished he could tell her he loved that about her. "I guess we'll just have to wait. Sorry that didn't work. You're probably hungry."

He wasn't, actually, at the moment. He had been earlier, though. Huh. Where had it gone?

He knew from too much experience that hunger faded in and out if you left it long enough, but the burn never went away entirely. It should have gotten stronger, if anything, when he saw and smelled the food.

The crick in his neck was gone, too. And the ache in his ribs, and his knee, and his hands.

Nixie turned away from him to set the plate aside, and his body sprang to life, a puppet on strings. Ungodly strong. He strained against the shackles. The chains broke free of the stone wall they were anchored to.

Diva forced him to watch every moment, take in every detail as he killed Nixie. He couldn't look away, or even imagine he was somewhere else.

But he knew. He knew how to tell now, for sure, it wasn't real.

*Nice try, bitch.*

#

There was no one on watch now. It was dark in the cellar. Something had happened upstairs. Security breached, maybe. He heard fighting, shouting. Metal clanging and screeching. There was a woman crying. He thought it might be Nixie.

No pain, though.

*Keep trying. It's adorable, at this point.*

*You still don't have it. You can never take it from me.*

Blood dripped from the ceiling, forming a puddle on the floor.

Goro wanted to wake up. He wanted to see what was really happening. He wanted to know if any of his friends were watching over him.

Probably. That, or they were all fighting Diva.

The sound of crying got louder. It was closer in his ear. It sounded like a child, now. Lonely and afraid.

It was him. It was his own crying.

He sat up with a start, lifting his face from where he'd been hiding it in a cave made by his knees. He looked around, finding nothing but the same alley he'd crept into a few hours ago. It was clammy with rainwater, some of which still dripped from a gutter up above, plopping into a puddle a few feet in front of him.

What had startled him? He'd fallen asleep for a while, and not realized it. He hated it when that happened. It wasn't safe.

It was the middle of the night, so he couldn't have been sleeping long. But he'd had a long dream. One where he was grown up, and having adventures on a pirate ship. It had been a good dream, even though it had some scary parts. He reached at the images it left in his mind, wanting to remember, but they kept slipping just out of his grasp. Like trying to catch a crumb floating in a cup of water.

Reality settled in on him, heavy and damp. Those were the kinds of dreams that made his heart ache. A place to sleep at night, and friends to share meals with. The chance to be a hero, to help people and fight off anyone who tried to hurt him or his family.

He didn't have any family. He was alone. There was no warm bed, and nobody who loved him.

No—wait. There *had* been someone. There was, wasn't there?

There was a woman.

A cleric, right? She'd taken him in off the street, and she loved him. He couldn't remember her name or her face, but he remembered the flowers she wore in her hair, and how it felt when she hugged him, filling his chest up all warm.

His eyes brimmed with tears, and he held his breath to choke back a sob. He was being stupid. If she were real, he wouldn't be sitting in this alleyway. He'd made her up. He made her up because he was lonely, and sometimes he pretended so good, he thought she was real.

He buried his head in his arms and let the tears fall. He cried hard, and his body shook with the effort of keeping quiet. If he made any noise, someone might find him.

Even if he died, though, nobody would miss him.

He was empty, and alone.

#

He woke up to hunger, pain in his ribs, and the dim light of the cellar. Nixie a few feet in front of him, cutting strips from a tunic. Mishka and Hansel slumped against each other in the corner, asleep.

For a few moments, there was nothing but shock. And then, the creeping realization. The understanding of what it was, really, that scared him the most.

Oh god.

Oh god, no.

If he'd been able to scream, he would have screamed loud enough to shake the walls.

No, no, no. She couldn't do that. She couldn't…

She could. She could take *everything* from him. She could drop him back into that dream, and leave him there.

For the first time since he'd been trapped with her, he started to truly fucking panic.

And what was he supposed to do? Usually, torturers wanted something from you. Goro had never given in but he'd always known he could, if he needed to. *Alright, alright, I'll tell you where I hid the relic. I'll tell you why I cut Saf's throat.*

Diva wanted nothing from him, except to hurt him.

What, should he fucking beg? He'd spent hours and hours taunting her, and now he'd admit he was wrong and she was right, and ask her to kindly show some mercy?

Nixie took some of the cloth strips she'd prepared and knelt beside him. She set to work tucking the fabric inside his shackles, offering him some padding.

The pain in his neck and his ribs and his knee started to fade away.

*No, no, no.*

*Don't.*

Hah, and he assumed he'd have a choice in the matter. Whether or not to beg.

Like he wasn't already reduced, inside, to shaking and tears and pleading on his knees.

*Don't send me back there.*

*You win, alright? You fucking win.*

*Don't take it from me. Please.*

The cellar went dark. He heard the dripping of water from the gutter into that puddle.

*Oh, god, please no.*