Headhunters 4: The Thirsty Thirteen

## Introduction

Two former Headhunters champions jammed out in a battle of the ba(n)ds and ultimately it was Track 2 whose song came to an end in week three.

## In Memorium: It's Blitz! Track 2

It's curtains for It's Shitz after back-to-back stinkers. This makes two straight seasons of premature evacuations for Track Poo. The former champ has looked like a chump of late, unable to recapture the magic of his 2019 run in which he drafted so well he never had to spend his money. For a team whose name is a dedication to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, this season has been a whole lot of Oh No, Oh No, Oh No!

Hindsight is 20/20, which is why it's easy for me to say that Big Booty Jeudy should never have been started coming off a shoulder/rib injury from the week before. After all, he was a great Charvarius Ward play away from hauling in a 45-yarder that would have bumped Blitz up at least three spots in the standings. It's also easy to say that Jimmy Garoppoblow should never have been trusted over Jacoby Brissett, who got to face a Wattless Steelers D on short rest Thursday night. We start what we believe to be the best lineup and we live with the results. Unfortunately this week Blitz died with them.

This all came down to Monday night. Essentially tied with Wildcat, Blitz found himself in the worst of fantasy conundrums. He was also essentially tied with his arch rival in the LOC. In that league, he owned CeeDee Lamb. In this league, he was going against him. It seemed inevitable that he was going to fall somewhere. And for a minute it looked like maybe that wouldn't be here. In back to back plays, Zeke broke off a huge run and then Lamb dropped a monster catch. The vibes were good, until Cooper Rush turned into Cooper Manning if he'd never shattered his back and completed four passes to Lamb on what would be the game-winning fourth quarter drive. After that, it was clock-killing time and Zeke split the remainder of carries 3-3 with Tony Pollard.

As a golden child of the Lamb Famb, this loss has to sting for Track Booo. But at least he can exit stage left knowing the player he loves rocked so hard it quite literally knocked him out of the stadium (and into the depths of hell). We say goodbye to the OG champ, and say hello to the best WR duo in the league hitting the market in Kupp/Adams. How much are you willing to spend on those guys? Make sure you save room for Khalil Herbert, y'all! Untli next time, it's time for Blitz! to OK GO home and spend a long offseason walking on the sad treadmills of regret and despair.

It's Blitz! Track 2:

## Auction Wars

For those who are not really on Facebook, we have two auctions going on right now. Also, if you're not on Facebook, how did you find the link to this writeup?

Auctions are a pretty simple process. You bid on the players per usual but the money goes directly to a team manager and if you do not bid the minimum then you do not get the player and the manager does not get the money. The player just stays on their team.

This week, Deebo and Khalil Herbert are up for auction. This process is not as easy to pull off for me as Commish right now because I do not have an eliminated team to use to set the minimum bid. So please, if you are reading this, do not bid below the minimum and create a complicated situation wherein I have to manually add/drop a player and calculate how much money everyone is owed back. Either bid the min or don't bid at all. Thanks guys!

## Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022)

Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022)
 Bobecue Chicken
 It's Blitz! Track 2

## Dead Money

Keeping track of all the cash that never got spent by teams that are now eliminated.

Dead Money 2022

## New Releases

1. Cooper Kupp
2. Davante Adams
3. Ezekiel Elliot
4. AJ Dillon
5. Jerry Jeudy

## Week Three Bidding Results

#### Quick-Hit Thoughts

* It's a great relief to me that before Blitz bit the dust he had time to get one good $69 bid through.
* Is $3 Romeo Doubs about to be the bargain of the season? The latest hype blurb from Sleeper certainly seems to think so.
* Bad Boys II probably shouldn't play the stocks if this is his investment strategy. He spent $277 a week ago, and now he's willing to part with Deebo for a minimum bid of $150. I could be wrong but I don't think buy high/sell low is the exact phrase.
* Laser Rocket took two big swings this week and came home with a RB1 and WR1 in the process. If you're going to go for it all in a single bidding week, getting one big player at each position is the right way to play it.

## Money Spent Per Week

Money Spent Per Week
 3

This year seems to be trending close to 2019, when we had 17 teams. If that's true, we can expect another week over $1,000 spent in week 4.

## Week Three Results

* Biggest Climber: Beach McBungalow (^7)
* Biggest Faller: Henry VIII (v7)

## Kings of the Castle

### 1. The Guilloteam

Guilloteam was edging last week and finally came in week three with a boom performance thanks to Philly's offense. The injury to Amon-Ra is a buzzkill, and a bad day for the Eagles means a bad day for this squad's two biggest producers in 2022, but the vibes are mostly good here. The decision to bench DJ Moore can't have been easy, but it's a good sign that Guilloteam is finally ignoring the name on the jersey and putting his best roster forward.

### 2. Beach McBungalow

Travis Kelce is no Mark Andrews, that's for sure. But McBungalow still finds a way to win. JT has come in below projection two of the first three weeks, but Beach has found WR gold in the -AY Team of DuvernAY and Chris OlavAY (not how it's spelled but wanted to make sure you guys got the joke...A-team...Ay-team, because their last names end in...ay..you get it you bitch).

### 3. deCaPitated

Dreams money can buy. Freiermuth, Hines, Carter, Allen, Everett, Hardman, Cook, Shepard, and Beasley combined for 53.09 points this week. Lamar Jackson? 61.65. On the one hand, a player scoring as many points as 10 other players is great. On the other hand, what happens when Lamar has an off day and you realize the guys behind him are out there failing to hit their projections? It's a long season, can Lamar "Michael" Jackson pull off a THRILLER every week for the next three months?

### 4. Hasta Laviska Baby

For the first time in Jared's history as a fantas manager, he's actually performing well despite being in London. For those who do not know Jared, this happens way more often than it should. Jared is away on business, which he has turned into a time of mourning for the Queen, which he has also turned into a honeymoon as all savvy businessmen would, but that hasn't stopped him from putting up numbers here. And that puts him among the scarier teams in the league, considering he has made a grand total of 0 roster moves this season. Homeboy is top five in scoring with the same team he drafted. How the fuck...?

### 5. burrow for sure-oh

4th place, 4th place, 5th place. 216, 209, 212. Has a team ever performed this consistently over a three-week span? Sure-oh has a good squad and 11 of their players have a bye in week 10 or later, meaning they could hang on to this team for a long time without worrying about being short-handed barring an injury.

## On the Chopping Block

### 13. Out of Luck

Remember when I said Out of Luck was thriving in HH despite being garbage in LOC? Okay, I take that back. Out of Luck has fallen in the weekly standings each of the last two weeks and was almost chopped after both Wildcat and Blitz surged on Monday night. After losing Mike Evans to a suspension, they're going to be down Swift to an injury and this is a bad week for RBs on the waiver wire. Justin Jefferson has looked like Corey Davis who has looked like 2017 Corey Davis and Mitch Trubisky is about an INT away from being Trubenched.

### 12. Wildcat (no QBs no problem)

I hereby declare the Wildcat Jinx to be real. Mac Jones is out for weeks with a severe high ankle sprain. Wildcat cannot catch a break at QB. He'll be rolling out Cooper Rush and Geno Smith in week four, so sadly we will probably be seeing an ACL go for one of these guys. Cooper Rush has done such a good job for Dallas, I really hate this for him. But that's how Jinxes work. They are merciless.

### 11. Mixon it Up with Mahomie

Justin Fields is 2-1 as a starter in 2022. He has 23 completions this season. THIS FUCKING SEASON. 15 QBs had that many completions in week three. I'm at a point now where I want this to keep going. Finish the season 11-6 averaging 7 completions a game. Really go all out. But honestly? This guy shouldn't be on a roster in a 20-team superflex league. He's pointless.

### 10. Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack

Bad boys decided to shake things up with a name change this week and it's a good thing because the theme of the song is "we do it for fun" and that's just about all we should expect from a team with "Baker Tailfeather" Mayfield at the helm. Bad Boys II will be making like Nelly and eating his money in week 4 because it's almost a guarantee that he's about to take a loss on Deebo. But maybe he's trying to tell us something? Murphy Lee is a big booty type...a possible Jerry Jeudy bid incoming?? Stay tuned.

### 9. Muller Lite

Wait just a minute here folks, something might be happening...Is Trevor Lawrence about to have a breakout season? This would be a huge get for Muller as he awaits the return of Dak Prescott, with Flacco basically dead weight again and Daniel Jones unfortunately looking like an NFL bust (and not the Hall of Fame kind).

## Average Scores of Eliminated Teams

Average Scores of Eliminated Teams
 Bobecue Chicken
 CoachKnows

One extra point per game over Bobecue bought Blitz an extra week of survival.

## Narrow Defeats

Margin of Defeat for Last Place Teams:

Margin of Defeat for Eliminated Teams
 It's Blitz! Track 2
 Bobecue Chicken

Three weeks, three gut-wrenchingly close eliminations. We have quite a season going here, folks.

## Rulers of the Kingdom

2022 first place finishers:

Top Scorers by Week
 2
 3

## Dungeon Dwellers

2022 teams that finished second-to-last, narrowly avoiding elimination:

Low Scorers by Week
 2
 3

## Single Season Scoring Records

As teams get eliminated, their single season performance will appear here.

Bobecue sets a weird record here. He becomes the first team to finish a season between 300-400 points.

## All-Time Combined Points Scored

Same as above: eliminated teams will have their 2022 season added to the total.