Paul Johnson

## Overview

### Physical Description

Paul Johnson is a former KGB agent and musician notable for his work with the Robert Plant Quintet and his feud with Bo Obama. He is a mixed breed with mostly grey fur and blue eyes. Despite his outward appearance, Johnson possess human-level intelligence and speech capability. He has been noted as a modern scientific wonder by the Soviet and US governments.

### Past

#### Early Life

Johnson (originally named Ron Alexandrovich Checkov) was born in Chelyabinsk, Russia sometime before the fall of the USSR. Born a regular cat, Johnson's upbringing was no different from the myriad of other stray cats in the city. He was one of 9 kittens and was considered by his siblings to be the runt of the litter. Johnson remembers very little about his mother. His last encounter with her was only months after he was born. Johnson knows nothing about his father.

When he was around 11 months old, Johnson was taken into KGB custody where he was experimented on and augmented biochemical enhancement. Johnson can recall very little from this period, as the scientists used sever memory-erasing protocols on him. From what he does recall, he remembers his experiences fondly. He was treated well by the staff, got his first name (Ron Checkov) and was given a quality education. By the time he was 3, Johnson could speak multiple languages, could do advanced mathematics, could drive a car with no special equipment needed, and was a head writer in the state newspaper, Pravda.

When he was 4, the Soviet scientists declared him fit for service to the motherland and assigned him on a top secret mission to gather information on the US' secret nuclear operations. He was sent to the US during the 1980 Winter Olympics under the guise of being the pet of a prominent Soviet athlete. Johnson, upon landing in New York, described feeling simultaneously excited and nervous about his mission while also being very curious about America. His first task was to find a family to adopt him, and after breaking into a local animal shelter and playing dumb, a local family adopted him after a week's stay.

#### Life in America

This family was the Johnsons, and with little fanfare, Ron became Paul.

Johnson describes the weeks in the wake of his adoption as "painfully carefree. I ate. I slept. I spied. I played dumb. This, even if it was for my country, wasn't what I wanted to be relegated to." After a short time of following his mission dutifully, Johnson decided to reveal himself to his family, but in order to make up for such a blatant disregard of the mission's protocol, Johnson wanted the motherland to benefit. He began to plan under the Johnsons' noses, and after 3 days of writing, he was ready for action.

#### *The Comeownist Manifesto* and CIA detainment

In a later interview with the CIA, Jeremy Johnson would describe Johnson's song as "supernatural". Johnson's song, titled *No Place To Call a Motherland,* was a scathing lampoon of the exploitive and oppressive nature of capitalism and America. Dedicated to Marx, the anthem masks its Communist leanings with catchy hooks and head-nodding beats. Seeing an opportunity, the Johnsons quickly brought Paul over to a record label to record the song and as many others as was possible.

Recording of Johnson's first album was going smoothly when one day, 4 men in black suits broke into the studio and abruptly abducted Johnson much to his adopted family's resistance. The suits then took Johnson to a secret location where he would be throughly interrogated and experimented on. Of the experience, Johnson describes it as "a whole new kind of hell. I'd never thought of Americans as a creative bunch, but the amount of methods they've come up with to break the soul of a man is impossible to comprehend." The exact details of this period of Johnson's life are unclear as he prefers to recall very little of it, but what is known is that his life as a CIA guinea pig awakened both a newfound hatred of the United States and a deep dimension of musical creativity within him.

After half a year and through means Johnson has yet to discern, Johnson escaped from his CIA facility and made his way back to his adopted family. Production on the album continued, and in the winter of 1981, *The Comeownist Manifesto* was released. The album garnered massive praise and commercial success in the months following its release, and before long, Johnson had become an international sensation. After getting a manager, Johnson planned a world tour, where nearly every show was sold out.

#### *American Dogs*

Work quickly began on Johnson's second album, *American Dogs,* once the prior album's tour concluded. With this project, Johnson wanted pay a bigger respect to his Soviet roots, and as a tribute to Marx himself, began imbuing subliminal messaging and hypnotic suggestions within each track in order to arm the populous with the same anti-capitalist sentiments as his own. However, this alone wouldn't see his communist dream to fruition. Laboring for weeks at a time on each track, Johnson stretched his songwriting skills beyond the limit; he described the process as "pouring your entire essence into 10 seconds, and then pouring more". After months of this rigorous work flow, the album was done. It was promptly released.

*American Dogs* received immediate critical acclaim, and trumped the sails of his first album three fold. Shows all over the world were sold out in days, and when Johnson made his TV debut on late night TV, it set world records for the amount of viewers on a channel that have yet to be topped. All of this was working into Johnson's favor. As time went on, societal unrest within the world grew, and before long, coup d'teats were already being broadcast on the news. Seeing his moment, Johnson rose and quickly declared April 16th, 1983 to be the founding day of the Communist States of America on live television, and after rallying a sizable militia, he marched to Washington D.C to overthrow the government.

#### Revolutionary Days

Johnson and his militia were met little with resistance on their way to Washington. Any armed forces or governmental bodies that got in his way would quickly be sueded to his side at the play of a track or two from *American Dogs.* However, this would change once he reached the White House. Of the day, Johnson recounts the atmosphere as "like a Hollywood Horror movie". As he moved into the building, he wasn't met with the president or a secret agent, but with a black Portuguese water dog who introduced himself as Bo. He said that he was from 25 years into the future and time traveled to put a stop to Johnson's communist agenda. Johnson objected and readied his weapon, but a strange power knocked it out of his hand. Just then, a mic and 25 foot tall speaker materialized in the room. Bo took the microphone and proclaimed that in order to beat him, Johnson would have to best him in a rap battle. Begrudgingly, he accepted.

Bo went first, and his verses quite literally brought the house down. At the sound of Bo's rhymes, the walls began to give way. Fire storms erupted all around the surrounding area, decimating Johnson's forces. As Bo's onslaught went on, it became more clear to Paul Johnson that in order to win and establish his utopia, his sound would need to evolve.

After Bo was done with his initial attack, Johnson confidently took the mic and began his freestyle. As he spat his bars, radiant beams of light enveloped him. The firestorms began to quiet down and the clouds parted. Just then, the ghost of Karl Marx descended behind Johnson and gave him his heavenly blessing. He said nothing, but Johnson knew that in his silence, Marx was in full support of his revolution or rhymes. He imparted Johnson some of the nastiest beats ever made to rap over, and with this divine gift, the battle truly began.

But Bo wouldn't go down so easily. At the snap of his paw, several hundred CIA agents appeared out of time portals; one of them gave Bo a computer, and as he booted it up, Johnson was inundated with true masterpieces, beats on par with Marx's.

They went back and forth for hours, spitting and even DJing well past the point off exhaustion. By this time, the entire Northern hemisphere had been laid to waste by the sheer quality of the rhymes spat. Eventually, the two collapsed from exhaustion, and it is at this point where Paul Johnson's fate becomes a mystery.

Unknown to both of them, the battle was secretly being recorded by an unknown bystander. The recordings have been released under the album *Nuclear War.* The album is considered to be one of the best 3rd dimensional musical expressions of all time.

### Astral Realm Activity

Some time after the rap battle, Paul Johnson gained access to the astral realm and made a complete transformation into a metaphysical being. Blessed with time travel and extreme intelligence, Paul Johnson has been a significant yet enigmatic figure in Astral Affairs. His most covered post-physical period was his time with the Sir Plant Quintet.

## Discography

 The Comeownist Manifesto
 American Dogs
 Nuclear War
 mm sexy noodle soup | 1948