The Green Menu

The Green Menu is a powerful tier α4 culinary artifact depicting nearly innumerable food choices, some of which can be very specific. It is usually referred to by a singular name in deference to its potency. Though multiple copies of The Green Menus exist, they are all priced at exorbitant sums. The Green Menu is aligned with "The Restaurant", a shadowy organization with food-oriented goals but virtually no public knowledge regarding its origins or workings (for contrast, see Badburger, which floods the world with information but has no known goal).

## History

The Green Menu made its debut in mid-2023, not long after the conclusion of The Election. Despite the coincidence, the current president denies any affiliation with the menu or its potential creators. Since its release, it has proven to be a useful and effective - if not highly dangerous - gourmet tool. In some circles, it has served to drastically alter power dynamics in ways favorable to those who possess it, and unfavorably towards those who do not.

Despite its recent publicity, rumor has it the first prototype Green Menu released as early back as 2011, and that this unique copy was sold to The Investor in exchange for funding and use of the latter's prodigious connections. This explains The Restaurant's judicious expansion and overall capacity of the improved 2023 Green Menu, as The Restaurant would have had a decade to grow and develop both itself and its assets.

## Appearance

̶I̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶g̶r̶e̶e̶n̶ ̶m̶e̶n̶u̶ ̶i̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶g̶r̶e̶e̶n̶ ̶m̶e̶n̶u̶ The Green Menu is a fairly large and stout psuedoplastic material with minor spatially distortive abilities. Though it is usually thin, lightweight, and easy to carry, it contains hundreds of pages or more - a far greater number than its narrow spine should reasonably admit. This is because despite the menu storing large quantities of data, it does not display all of its data at once like a conventional book. Instead, the menu will display a smaller number of pages within itself at any given time, typically 20-40 pages before the reader's current page, and 20-40 pages afterwards. The exception to this standard is the first and last page, which allow between 40-80 pages after or before, respectively. This means a reader on page 1 may physically have pages 1-55, while the same reader on page 50 may now physically have pages 10-80. In either case, they will be able to access the entirety of the stored information by turning the pages in either direction and changing the current reservoir of presented data. The more pages turned at once, the more obvious the spacial distortion is to the brain.

The pages of The Green Menu contain food listings by order number and description in a small but readable font. These listings - and the total number of pages - are frequently updated as new cuisine is added or ceases to be part of the repository. All updates to The Green Menu happen in real time, regardless of the location or state of The Green Menu. This can confuse lower caliber users, who might have their entire spread updated with unfamiliar content as their past selection is adjusted and moved 3 pages adjacent. Big updates may only take place every few minutes, whereas small adjustments to recipes and minute additions to the orders may happen every second. Visually, the phenomenon is likened to watching a program's code in action or staring at an overactive task manager.

In some cases, The Green Menu can update mid-order, though the order in question rarely disappears from the page while it is being chosen.

## Harmless Uses

Food can be invoked by reading out the order number, followed by a clarification of the food (ex: "I'll have the #89, spicy tandoori chicken with honey mustard potatoes and olive oil garnish"). Simply reading one or the other has no effect - an intentional aspect of the design implemented to avoid spam or misuse. Once read, the food is delivered to the subject and may be consumed. Green Menu foods are usually considered gourmet and exceptionally tasty, though they cater to a wide variety of audiences. While virtually every meal is edible to humans, some meals may be less scrumptious than others. Whatever the order, it is considered polite to finish the food without throwing away leftovers, and to thank or compliment whatever abstract force delivered it.

## Weaponized Uses

On these merits alone, The Green Menu would not be considered an α4 anomaly. However, The Green Menu has the uncanny tendency to list named entities as components of its recipes (ex: #675 "Seven layer Giegue dip with provolone, crackers, and red wine"). In these cases, ordering the food usually results in the mutilation or outright death of the entity as they or part of them becomes the meal. This process is frequently portrayed as irreversible, if not instantaneous, with the victim having little to no control over their fate. In these instances, The Green Menu shows its true capabilities, acting as an unseen guillotine for whatever finds its name listed within. A combination of factors seems to sway whether someone can be listed on The Green Menu, including but not limited to their distance from any Green Menu, their affiliation with The Restaurant, and their perceived "Deliciousness" at any given time. Individuals may appear, disappear, or move within The Green Menu as it determines it more or less favorable for them to be food.

There are two main theories regarding how The Green Menu turns being into banquet, including:

**TIMELINE ALTERATION (point change)** - A decisive, surgical splice to the current timeline to turn the individual into the listed meal and transport it to the patron at the moment of order, all without affecting anything else within that timeline's past or present. This action is near-instantaneous.

**SPACIAL ALTERATION (sprawling change)** - The victim is transported to a temporally-dilated reality and prepared by employees of The Restaurant in an area outside local time, which then deposit the finished product back into the reality of patron. This action may appear instantaneous to one side but much longer to the other.

Virtually no being caliber 4 or lower can halt their fate once ordered, though they may still be able to be resurrected after the fact. Caliber 3's may survive the experience on their own, though they will find the process difficult and not without sacrifice. Even Caliber 2s are not necessarily immune to being ordered. Though they would be virtually impossible for the artifact to kill and serve, it is still more than capable of slicing off a minor portion of them or causing the death and preparation of one of their replaceable avatars. The same can be said for caliber 1s, though they have a much easier time simply blocking the attempt or retconning the action after the fact.

In general, however, one does not show up in the Green Menu unless the force behind its operation believes they can be made into a meal at that moment.

## Pricing System

The Green Menu curiously lists no prices for its items, nor does it demand payment in the form of more intangible assets. Instead, the menu uses another complicated internal calculation method to determine how many times a person can use it before it is revoked by The Restaurant. Known factors for determining continued eligibility are as follows:

**Expenditure** - How much - both in physical measurement and abstract personal sacrifice - you had to give up to purchase your green menu. Supplemented by how much of those assets went directly to The Restaurant itself, as opposed to a third-party trader. Greater amounts in both categories increase your reputation with the menu. It is possible for this variable to be near 0, in the case of theft.

**Etiquette** - How respectful you are towards The Green Menu and the forces constituting it. How often you finish your meals versus wasting food. Whether you compliment the course or its preparation. More politeness increases your reputation with the menu. It is considered good manners to finish the meal in a single sitting, but having leftovers is not considered rude unless they are not finished later or another meal is ordered before they are.

**Engagement** - How often you use The Green Menu in general. Whether you are carefully choosing and savoring your options or going down the list and reading everything off. This essentially boils down to spam prevention. Usually lumped in with Etiquette.

This equation does not set a hard limit and simply determines how frequent your "infractions" can become until your menu is removed. This means proper use of The Green Menu can result in lifetime ownership while improper use can result in a very quick punishment. A revoked Green Menu instantly disappears from the person's possession and returns to The Restaurant.

## Cultural Significance

The Green Menu's release puts it at the tail end of The White Ruin. Unlike the election, this is not thought to be a coincidence. Though it is impossible to verify, common consensus indicates that Badburger, Ratwater, and The Restaurant are oppositional corporate entities, with each attempting to gain advantage over the other. After Badburger's marketing ploy during the events of Viroid Temple, The Restaurant likely took the rival homunculus's failure as a cue to begin their own campaign.

In possible retaliation, Badburger released "The Red Menu", which lists orders that are not on The Green Menu and updates in real time alongside it.

## Trivia

* A person who does not own The Green Menu may order from one, and a person who does may order for more than themselves.
* Because meals from The Green Menu are tasty and nutritious, they may ironically make their own consumer slightly more fit to become food and thus increase their chance of appearing in The Green Menu.
* The Green Menu featured as a high level item in Manger Master (2023), capable of occasionally instakilling opponents. It will also likely be included in Qroth (2727).
* Phantom is a confirmed owner of The Green Menu, though only a 2023 edition.