SHAZAM!

SHAZAM! is the twenty second chapter in the Wombles Seven.

Alfred tapped Bruce on the shoulder.  Bruce was deeply involved in tuning the new Bat-Analyzer. “Sir it’s the Police Commissioner” said Alfred ignoring Bruce’s angry face.  “How does the Police Commissioner know how to contact me?  I’m a mysterious, vigilante dressed as a bat who is supposed to be in America.” Bruce replied sounding worried.

“I took the liberty sir of providing all the regional Police Commissioners in England with a Batphone.” Alfred explained.  Bruce calmed down.  “Of course Alfred.  Thank you.” He walked over to the phone.  “Yes Commissioner” said Bruce sounding like his old self.  “Batman it’s” started the London Police Commissioner.  “The Joker?” suggested Bruce.  “No it’s” tried the Commissioner again.  “Catwoman?” suggested Bruce.  “No” tried the Commissioner again.  “M” he finished at last.

“Mr Freeze?” asked Bruce.  “No!  M!” snapped the Commissioner.  “Marsha?” tried Bruce.  “M! M! M! It’s M!” said the Commissioner. “Nasty stutter you have there. Are you trying to say Minerva?” asked Bruce.  “M! The head of MI6!” screamed the very annoyed Commissioner.  “But he’s not a villain!” screamed back Bruce.  “He is now!” hollered the Commissioner.  “Where?” asked Bruce.  “London docks” said the relieved but exasperated Commissioner.

Bruce put down the phone and leapt into the Batmobile. He sped out of the Batcave towards London.  It was a good job he was racing so fast as M was giddy with power from the Philosopher’s stone.  He was holding the blue stone above Ron’s head threatening to club him with it. Ron was furiously trying to create an elixir to make M immortal.  Unfortunately Ron couldn’t do it.  Hermione sighed and took over.  “Really Ron I wonder if you ever listened at Hogwarts” she said whilst immediately doing better than him.

Now M was threatening Hermione.  Ron saw his chance.  M saw Ron’s intentions and smashed his wand with the Philosopher’s Stone. Hermione bolted.  Ron hesitated.  M knocked him out and looked for a way out.  There was no way he could outpace Lillian.  He kept his gaze on Lillian while evaluating the situation. Gradually he edged towards a yellow Rover.

M really wondered why anybody would want it but anything would do.  He got it with surprising speed and hot-wired it.  The car roared to life and M was away or so he thought.  Lillian cursed her luck which was definitely not in.

She crumpled to the floor after being hit by a big black, heavily armed jeep.  Batman leapt out to see the speeding Rover in the distance.  He wasted no time and gave chase in the Batmobile.  As Batman sped away Julian Albert walked up to the scene with smug grin.

M was frantic.  He had been head of security in the UK.  Now he was on the most wanted list!  No matter he thought as he had Philosopher’s stone.  He would be rich!  Immortal!  M’s urge to touch it got too much in spite of the rapidly gaining Batmobile and a cavalcade of police cars.  He turned pale.  It wasn’t there!

It was with Julian Albert who was just about to walk away when the Flash turned up.  “Julian! Julian Albert!” said Barry. “Barry?  Why aren’t you in Central City?” asked Julian.  “Good work by the way!” said Barry.  “Good work?  Yes not bad actually.  I’ve got the Philosopher’s Stone!  Now I just have to take it back to Batman for safe keeping.” Replied Julian.

“I’ll do it!” said Barry taking it to the Batcave and returning to the docks in a flash, whilst flashing a big smile.  Julian didn’t smile.  “Thanks Julian!  Have to run now but great to see you!” Barry said whilst running off to take Lillian to hospital.

Julian got out a notebook.  He flicked through and found what he needed.  Harry’s Potter’s address.

M was screeching out of control just outside the new Grand Steed Manor.  It was nearly complete and the last touches were being applied to the gate. Crunch!  The yellow Rover smashed into the gate which was now twisted and entangled with the car.  M collapsed and Batman leapt over to pull him out of the car.

Batman came to an abrupt stop.  All he saw was a glowing outline of a man fade into dust.  The dust was the shape of M but M was nowhere to be seen.  He headed back to the Batcave where the League of American Justice Bringers were making plans.

“So do we all agree?” asked Aquaman.  “No!” objected the Flash.  “I’ve only just  saved Lillian Luthor.  Somebody nearly killed her with a hit and run!” he continued.  “We can transfer her to a mental institution” suggested Dick.  At that moment Constantine appeared.  “Just so ‘appens I know a good one!” he said surprising them all.

Batman screeched to a halt and leapt out of the Batmobile just then.  “What is this?  Why are you here Constantine?  Why are you pretending to be the leader Arthur?  I’m the leader!” said Bruce darkly.  “Not anymore!” said Aquaman.  “Ere to help you out” said Constantine.  “But if you’re going to be like that I’ll go and rescue Raven.  I wanted young Harry to help me out but he just apparated away.  Once he knew that hell was involved.   So I thought one of you lot might help but clearly it’s a waste of time!” he ranted. With that he drew his usual symbols and went off to hell.

Bruce punched Aquaman and was immediately sorry as it hurt quite a lot.  Aquaman didn’t even notice.  It could have been quite embarrassing but then the phone rang and the Flash raced to get there first.  Only to find out that Cyborg had already answered it remotely.  “Hello?” said Cyborg.  “Oh sure he’s here.  Alfred it’s for you” he said whilst waiting for the Butler to pick up the handset.

“Alfred Pennyworth” said Alfred.  Everybody waited to find out who it was.  They never did as Alfred had gone.  So had the Batmobile!  Bruce cursed and asked the Flash to chase Alfred and take him along. Fortunately the Flash was rather upset at Aquaman’s attitude so he had no problem with that.

They raced after the Batmobile which was heading deep into the countryside.  After screeching along miles of narrow lanes Alfred pulled up next to a cave mouth. He walked into the cavern but not far in it was blocked.  “Alfred!” shouted Bruce.  “What are you doing?”  Alfred replied as if he had come out of a trance.  “Master Bruce?  Where am I?” he asked.  “Beats me buddy” said Barry “but your head has”  Alfred interrupted.  “Been branded by a demon in hell” he finished for Barry.

“Oh I see!” said Barry going quiet now.  “Alfred!” shouted Bruce “Those symbols on your head.  Look at the wall here!”  Alfred looked and was astounded to see that the wall had the reverse image of the symbols burned into his forehead.  Alfred suddenly had the urge to put his head on them.

“Alfred!” called Bruce as his Butler vanished.  The Flash tried phasing through the wall but it was impossible.  They both raced back towards the Batcave.  Bruce in the Batmobile whilst the Flash was already there trying to convince the team to let Bruce lead them again.

“Hello?” called Alfred unsure.  He was in a big cave with seven gargoyles and a strange caterpillar. He cautiously made his way through the cave to a row of thrones.  One of which had a long haired old man holding a staff.

The old man got up.  “I am the last of the council of wizards.”  The old man boomed.  “My fellow wizards have perished in the eternal battle of good and evil.  Now only I hold back the seven deadly sins. My time is short and I need a champion.”

“Please sir I am past my best days!” replied Alfred.  “You must be tested!” shouted the old man.

At that moment, James Bond appeared in the cave.  Except his head was like a skull on fire and was riding a demonic motorbike brandishing a large chain as a weapon, wearing twisted leathers.

“You will be tested by the Ghost Rider!” boomed the old man. “He will hit you with his chain. If you are unworthy, your soul will be gone forever!  However, if you are pure of heart, you will become my champion and my successor.”

Alfred wanted to scream as Bond whipped his head hard with the large metal chain.  It felt like it had just come out of a blazing furnace, as Alfred felt a searing pain through his head and then his body, all the way down to the tips of his toes. There was a large explosion and then a cloud of smoke.  As the smoke cleared, Alfred could see that Bond was gone and the old man was standing there grinning.

“At last I have found my champion!  Alfred Pennyworth, you are pure of heart!  It is you who is destined to defeat our enemy, the demon Trigon! Now take hold of the Sword of Gryffindor and SAY MY NAME!!!!!”  The old man held out a large sword to Alfred.

“Sorry to complain sir” said Alfred, trying to be polite, “But I don’t actually know your name.”

“My name is Shazam.” Answered the wizard.  Alfred reluctantly held the sword and mild-manneredly ushered, “Shazam.”

“YES!” screamed the wizard.  “You will behold my power!  The wisdom of Solomon!  The strength of Hercules!  The stamina of Atlas!  The power of Zeus!  The courage of Achilles!  The speed of Mercury!  Use these to cut off the demon’s head!  Our brothers and sisters await!”

There was a flash of lightning and then Alfred felt different.  He looked down at his body.  He was wearing a strange red costume with gold boots, a white cape, and a lightning emblem, and he felt his head, realising that his hair had grown back.

“What have you done to me?” asked Alfred, worried.

“You have become my champion!  The king of wizards!  The master of magic!  The captain of marvels!  Now go!”

The wizard disintegrated and Alfred woke up in a place full of lava and fire.  He could see red people with horns and strange eyes fighting each other around him, and other people locked up in cells reliving their worst nightmares.

“Am I in…” began Alfred.

“Hell yes!” answered a voice from behind, and Alfred was promptly knocked unconscious.