recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
Episode 29: Bad Jokes, Dad Jokes

**Episode 29: Bad Jokes, Dad Jokes** is the ninth episode of the third season of *If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device*.

## Episode 29: Bad Jokes, Dad Jokes

### Writers

Alfabusa
SpeakerD

## Characters

* King of Khanasan
* Magnus the Red
* Wamuudes
* Cegorach
* The Emperor
* Rogal Dorn
* Boy
* Abducted Chronicler
* Screaming Mon-Keigh
* Fyodor Karamazov/The Fyodperor
* Asdrubael Vect
* Timothy
* Urien Rakarth
* Jaghatai Khan
* Lelith Hesperax
* Leman Russ
* Kaldor Draigo
* Kryptman
* Ephrael Stern
* Eldrad Ulthran
* Inriam's Spectre
Episode 25: Fiery Family Reunion

**Episode 25: Fiery Family Reunion** is the fifth main episode of the third season of *If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device*.

## Appearances

* The Emperor
* Little Kitten
* Magnus
* Crazy Hassan
* Vulkan
* Corvus Corax
* Rogal Dorn
* Cegorach
* Wamuudes
* Custodisi
* Marneus Calgar
* Cato Sicarius
* Ephrael Stern
* Brainghost Ferrus Manus
* He'Stan
* Tu'Shan
* The Lost Phantom Titan of Mor-rioh'i

## Trivia

* This episode includes plot hooks for two separate spinoff series; BRO TRIP 40,000, a spinoff series in which Vulkan and Corax will tour the Imperium together, and a book review series called "If The Emperor Had a Podcast."
Miriael Sabathiel

**Miriael Sabathiel** is a former Sister of Battle, and the first known sister who willingly joined Chaos. She is a champion of Slaanesh.

## Official Canon

Not much is known about her or why she willingly joined Chaos, but every Sororitas and Inquisitor that has been sent after her has ended up dead or corrupted; a fair few have been tortured to death as well. She wishes to lead her own Black Crusade, but she is a relatively obscure Chaos Champion; whether that is intentional or just an oversight of the writers due to barely writing anything about her is unknown.

## TTS Canon

Miriael is extremely frustrated that nobody takes her seriously. She appeared as a guest on Lucius and Ahriman's Slaaneshmas special. At first she was confused and insulted by Lucius strange antics, until Ahriman told her that it was Slaaneshmas. Embarrassed that she almost forgot, she doned a Santa hat and quickly joined the fray.

## References

1. ↑ Special 3: The Slaaneshmas Special

1. ↑ Special 3: The Slaaneshmas Special
Hobo Guardsman

> *"Ffffffuck you! I'M JOINING CHAOS!"*
>
>

The **Hobo Guardsman** is a very unlucky individual who is harassed by Chaos champions and Arbites. He appears to be a homeless veteran with only scraps for clothes and a starving family.

## TTS Canon

Lucius the Eternal refers to him as "Hobo-chan" and harassed him with a "sandwich" made from sand and "freshly milked daemonette milk." Lucius force-fed the sandwich to him as part of his charity efforts.

Later, an Arbite claimed that the Hobo broke the law by putting rat flesh on his rations to try to give his family more nourishment. He got his legs broken, and when he told an Administratum adept that the rations tasted like shit, he had even more charges brought against him. Fed up with this abuse, the Hobo loudly declared that he was joining Chaos, which prompted Inquisitor Headsmash to Exterminatus the planet (though the Hobo managed to escape into the warp).

## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 Unsubtle Criticism starring the Adeptus Arbites
2. ↑ Short 5: Lucious Lucius Prankz (GONE HERETICAL)
Meme Genius Wannabe

## Meme Genius Wannabe (MGW)

MGW's current PFP

**Meme Genius Wannabe** (real name Jim D. Hoxworth) is a commenter roleplaying a Houndoom. MGW (Meme Genius Wannabe) has influenced many with his Pokémon roleplaying since he joined in 2015, but has grown less and less active since March 2017. During these couple years, he made a few fancomics based on *Cyanide and Happiness*, which were posted on his Twitter account, SoulsBornePro.
Ferrus Manus

> *"You are weeeeaaaaaak, Cooooorvuuuuuuuuuus...."*
>
>

**Ferrus Manus** was the Primarch of the Iron Hands, and tenth son of the Emperor.

## Official Canon

Ferrus Manus was found on Medusa, and was accepted as a honorary member amongst all of the planet’s barbaric clans. He earned his iron hands when he shoved a silver dragon into lava, which ended up coating his arms with the creatures metal, making them hard enough to act as living armor. When the Emperor found him, he was given command of the Iron Hands legion.

When Ferrus Manus first met Fulgrim, the two became fast friends after a weapon smithing competition. However, after dismissing Sanguinius' gifts of art, Fulgrim gave Ferrus the epithet of "The Gorgon," which Ferrus took a liking to.

Ferrus Manus was unhappy with the obsession his men took with replacing their flesh with augmentations. Believing that his iron flesh set a bad example, he wished for the day that he could shed his unnatural condition so that his men would trust in their own innate abilities.

### Horus Heresy

Unfortunately, this friendship would not stop Fulgrim from beheading Ferrus Manus at the Drop Site Massacre, when the loyalists who were sent to stop Horus were suddenly betrayed by their fellow legions.

While Ferrus himself is dead, Fulgrim tried many times to have him cloned and to try to convince him to join Chaos. Each attempt was unsuccessful.

## TTS Canon

Though he is deceased, Ferrus Manus continues to haunt the mentally unstable Vulkan in the form of a ghost that persistently berates him. The same ghost haunts Corvus Corax when Vulkan died temporarily. He is refered to as a "skull ghost", or "skost."

Both Vulkan and Corax are very annoyed by the ghost's presence, and consider it to be a poor imitation of their brother. Whereas the ghost will say things such as "*The flesh is weeeeeaaaaaaak....*" Vulkan said that the real Ferrus would not say such a thing.

## Gallery

Ferrus Manus' standard cutout, by NostalgiaFerrus Manus' angry cutout
## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 Episode 20: You're Green With It!
2. ↑ Episode 25: Fiery Family Reunion
3. ↑ Episode 1: Catachan Capers
Episode 3: Jopallian Japes

**Episode 3: Jopallian Japes** is the third episode of BRO TRIP 40,000: A Tale of Two Primarchs.

## Character Appearances

* Corvus Corax
* Vulkan
* Tu'Shan
* He'Stan
* Clancy
* Mogul Kamir
* Raven Guard Apothecary
* Asstart Spagle Men
* Lance Cashpants
* Private Pesh
* Private Hox
* Boardmember Bubko
* The Commissar
* Bobby the Ogryn
* Random Guardsmen
PinoBatch

According to his peers, he is a generally awesome person.

**PinoBatch** is an occasionally active, well-liked commenter. He's responsible for a comment history search engine.

When Meme Genius Wannabe announced a short-lived fan comic based on *C&H* in comments to #4364, Pino began to nail down details of his character so that portrayals could remain on-model:

Until April 2017, every new Twitter account's avatar was an egg. I only hatched halfway,[1] with my head and arms popping out. Here's a front view, and here's how I walk. The button in the middle of my face extends into a peg a few inches long for hanging things that I'm carrying. I can push it out by tensing my facial muscles, or it'll pop out on its own if I sneeze (and I tend to sneeze if I try to lie to someone), until I push it back in with my finger. In other words, I'm roughly a cross between Pinocchio and the Weebles, though less nightmare-inducing than the video for "Prison Sex" by Tool.
Points of role-playing: I have called Pinocchio "my prototype". (#4485)
As for personality: Others in the comment section have expressed that my comments are by far "the most intelligent". When others are "shitposting", often only to increase a comic's comment count, I hold my tongue. Sometimes I'll overanalyze the physical laws and cultural norms implied by a comic, but from my point of view, exploring the worldbuilding only helps us understand the motivations of the characters.
As for how to play me for laughs or drama: I might give a serious response to a sarcastic remark, or I might miss a pop culture allusion. (This doesn't make my nose pop out.)
Some further details were explored in Cireclinlin #gamedev, resulting in a slight retcon of the "hatching" thing.

Other users with a similar gimmick of intelligently exploring the ramifications of the situation include Astrophysicist (at least his early comments).

## Avatars

Canon avatar, of which his Twitter, Skype, and Discord avatar is a cropMost common avatar on Explosm.net, a redeco of the default avatarPurple-shirted avatarHalloween-themed avatarChristmas-themed avatarAvatar during an incident in Discord
## References

1. ↑ "Why Your Twitter Profile Picture is More Important Than You Thought". *Portent*, 2012-02-14. Accessed 2016-07-20.
2. ↑ Joe Clark. "The Yearwood of listening dangerously or Out of thin air". 1994. Revised 1999-06-20. Accessed 2016-07-20.
3. ↑ Cteklite's comment to #4361
Inriam's Spectre

**Inriam’s Spectre** is a Death Jester of the Masque of the Midnight Sorrow.

## Official Canon

Inriam's Spectre was one of the Harlequins who joined Eldrad Ulthran during his ritual to summon Ynnead.

## TTS Canon

Inriam's Spectre met with Eldrad to discuss their plans for the ritual. He is a complete lunatic who mumbles to himself about murder and laughing maniacly.
Blades of Eruni

The Blades of Eruni, or the Eruni Blades, are a collection of six axes and eighteen swords forged in the Fires of Falvor by the mountain king Ar Thain. These swords are much stronger and more flexible than other swords, it is said that they never blunt, nor do they break. Many of them have been lost to time, be it sitting in the dark of a cavern somewhere, or fallen into the sea, though there are a few blades of Eruni that have been found and are still in use, such as Lyr, the Kings Blade, Bandael, Axe of the Shadow Wall and Thorn, Greatsword of Aragine.

## History

Having been forged in the Fires of Falvor by the mountain king, these blades are incredibly special. They are elegant, graceful weapons that a warrior would be lucky to hold, yet alone use. The 24 blades were originally created for the lords of Mandwyn as a pact with Ar Thain and were built to be incredibly durable and sharp. They were highly prized by those who wielded them, so much so that their spirits are still bound to the metal.

### The War of Dimming Light

During the War of Dimming Light, twenty one of the blades still remained in Mandwyn, and were used by the greatest warriors there to combat the forces of Iderag. After their defeat, many of the blades fell into enemy hands and were scattered through out Fun and the south of Averon. Few of the blades would ever make it north of Gale.

### After the War

By the end of the war, seven blades would make their way north of Gale, among them being Thorn, Lyr, Lyer, Lor, Bandael, Ardael, and Dyer. The blades would never again be reunited under one king, though they would serve the north men in wars to come, having been used by a wide variety of skilled warriors.
Be'lakor

> *"Let it be known that I, Bel'lakor, First Son of Chaos, shall forever be recognized as the one WHO STOLE SANGUINALA!"*
>
>

**Be'lakor** is one of the first Daemon Princes in existence, and the first Daemon Prince of Chaos Undivided.

## Official Canon

Be'lakor is one of the few characters that exists in both Warhammer 40,000 and Warhammer Fantasy, making his origins a bit ambiguous. In Warhammer Fantasy, he was the very first Chaos Warrior to ascend into becoming a Daemon Prince, and the only known prince of Chaos Undivided. However, he fell out of favor with the Chaos Gods when the forces of Chaos failed to stop the Elves from creating the Vortex and bringing their invasion to a halt; as punishment, he was forced into a more passive role of crowning the Everchosen, who would now lead Chaos' forces. Be'lakor has been seeking revenge ever since.

In Warhammer 40,000, he has similar issues with revenge and seeks out other daemons and champion of Chaos to overthrow, making him a useful wildcard in the Chaos Gods' power struggles. He's taken part in Abaddon the Despoiler's Black Crusades, though Abaddon knows that Be'lakor is simply trying to undermine him. No one in the Imperium is fully aware of Be'lakor's existence, and those that do assume that he's just a normal daemon.

## TTS Canon

Be'lakor joined with the Black Legion and Chaos Cultists to lead an invasion on a world defended by Blood Angels, in an attempt to break the Blood Angels and put a permanent end to Sanguinala. However, he was stopped by Saint Celestine, who swiftly decapitated him with a single stroke and banished him back to the Warp.
Kadus

**Kadus** is a Raven Guard Space Marine.

## Official Canon

Kadus is one of the most esteemed Space Marines in the Raven Guard Chapter and is one of Chapter Master Kayvaan Shrike's closest personal friends, having served together with Shrike and his other friend, Corus, since their time as initiates.

## TTS Canon

Kadus answered Corvus Corax's call for support on his and Vulkan's mission to Terra. Kadus and Shrike shared a joyful reunion with their gene-father and uncle before receiving a request for aid from the Catachan Jungle Fighters. Kadus and the other Raven Guard aided in the defeat of the Slaaneshi demons before heading to Catachan to rally more troops for the crusade to Terra. While there, he is surprised at the Jungle Fighter's fortitude and wonders why they aren't recruited to be astartes.

 After Clancy crashes their ship on Attila, Kadus is the one responsible for keeping the traitor prisoner as they make their way across the planet. Unfortunately, Vulkan's grand sacrifice (hugging the exterminatus weapon) distracted Kadus enough that Clancy escaped, much to the anger of everyone present.

## Personality

Compared to his very emotional Chapter Master, Kadus is more soft-spoken and calm. While capable of emotion, such he thought he was going to lose his father, he tends to be more inquisitive and analytical than Shrike. He also has a habit of adding a small moan to his sentences ("Oooh~"), which is likely meant to sound like a bird.

## References

1. ↑ *Space Marine Legends: Shrike*
2. ↑ Episode 1: Catachan Capers
3. ↑ Episode 2: Attilan Assault
Perturabo

> *"Dare you attack my NEWEST DAEMONIC FORTRESS OF PERPETUAL PAAAAIN?!?"*
>
>

**Perturabo** is Primarch of the Iron Warriors, and fourth son of the Emperor. He also Smells like Dirt and Entitlement.

## Official Canon

Perturabo was found on Olympia, where he had previously been a peace-loving reformist who sought to replace the corrupt government of his homeworld with a more enlightened system. However, by the time the Emperor found him, something changed his personality drastically. His first order upon gaining command of the Iron Warriors was to enforce the practice of decimation - not for any offense that they had committed, but to prove a point about how expendable they were.

### Great Crusade

What had once been a proud workhorse legion, the Iron Warriors had been reduced to a meat grinder that spent the lives of its men like currency. This gave both the legion and Perturabo a grim reputation, with many of his brothers openly disgusted by him. However, this gave his legion a brutal efficiency, and the only men spared from this brutality were the most cunning strategists among his officers.

When Rogal Dorn claimed that he could build a fortress that not even Perturabo could destroy, he was beyond furious. The lack of respect he received from his brothers finally drove him over edge, and thus when Horus offered to turn traitor, he accepted without hesitation.

### Post-Heresy

Having failed to destroy Dorn's defenses during the Siege of Terra, Perturabo swore he'd have his revenge; thus did he build a trap that was designed to humiliate Dorn and his Imperial Fists. By the end of the battle, the Imperial Fists were so effectively demoralized that they broke up as a legion, while the Iron Warrior took many trophies to sacrifice them to Chaos. Thus did Perturabo win the favor of the Chaos Gods, and became one of the only other Chaos Undivided Daemon Primarchs, besides Lorgar. He has no respect for the Chaos Gods, and only sees them as a means to an end.

## TTS Canon

Perturabo has yet to emerge outside of flashbacks, but Rogal Dorn states that his intense jealousy is due to being a petulant manchild. The Emperor confirms that he frequently lashed out with tantrums whenever he didn't get his way. Perturabo is also mocked by Kitten and Magnus the Red for his noxious attitude and his reputation for "digging holes."

## Personality

Described as a "petulant manchild", Perturabo's exact personality is heavily obscured by Rogal's own intense dislike for him. Within the flashbacks, he is often seen goading Rogal and poking fun at him, calling him degrading names such as "Rogass" and "Rouge Gurl". He has also asked rogal to fist him. It is unknown how accurate this is.

## Gallery

Perturabo's standard cutout, by NostalgiaPerturabo's angry cutoutPerturabo's flashback cutoutPerturabo's angry flashback cutoutPerturabo's very angry flashback cutout
## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 Episode 24: Of Khans and Cages
2. ↑ Episode 12: Primarch Pessimism
3. ↑ Episode 27: A Cat to Yarn, A Bird to Folly
Chaplain Grimaldus

> *"The time of reckoning is at hand. That wretched Blood Angel cryfest is BANNED!"*
>
>

**Chaplain Merek Grimaldus** is the Reclusiarch of the Black Templars.

## Official Canon

As Reclusiarch, Grimaldus is both a spiritual leader and powerful warrior. He made his name during the Third War of Armageddon, as he lead the defense of the city Helsreach with only a handful of Astartes and local Guard forces, fighting nonstop for a solid month, stealing a Mechanicus Ordinatus, even surviving a temple collapsing on top of himself during the final battle. Inspiring the people of Armageddon, Grimaldus was named the Hero of Helsreach. He lent his aid to a fellow Imperial Fists successor chapter, the Celestial Lions, who had run afoul of the Inquisition and were facing extinction. With his help, they were able to complete their mission against the Orks and restore their honor, thus securing their future.

## TTS Canon

Grimaldus attempted to ban Sanguinala. When told he couldn't, he flipped out and went into his bedroom to scream into his pillows while listening to Linkin Loyalists.

## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 Chaplain Grimaldus of the Black Templars ruins Sanguinala
Belial

**Belial** is Master of the first company Deathwing of the Dark Angels.

## Official Canon

Belial is a harsh and stubborn perfectionist who commands the Dark Angels' famous Deathwing company. He had served in the Deathwing under the command of Azrael until the latter's promotion to chapter master, in which he moved out to Company Master of the Third Company. He had many exploits until he was promoted to Master of the Deathwing after the Second War of Armageddon.

## TTS Canon

Belial is the most level-headed between Azrael and Asmodai, but he is also constantly whining about getting his robes dirty and the secret shame of his chapter.
Inquisitor Donklas

**Inquisitor Donklas** is a member of the Ordo Hereticus and Fyodor Karamazov's retinue.

## TTS Canon

Donklas spends most of his time pondering which Imperial Citizens he will execute next. He was practically salivating at the idea of killing the stormtroopers that were stuck in the Warp with them, unless their heads exploded first.

 He first appears, maskless, when Inquisitor Fyodor Karamazov calls together the Inquisition to investigate potential heresy on Holy Terra. He would go on to assist in 'questioning' the citizens of Terra, and in Karamazov's Crusade to the Imperial palace, where he often appeared alongside Inquisitor Adrielle Quist of the Ordo Xenos and Grand Master Elirush of the Ordo Mallaeus.

Whilst in the warp he further displayed his *inclination* towards the execution of 'heretics', instances of cowardice,as well as a lack of knowledge from where his mask came from.

Donklas 'assisted' the Sisters of Battle at Khaine's Gate, where, despite being near the front lines 'supporting', did not actually engage the enemy in any kind of combat, only retreating when his allies were mowed down. He also expressed a fear of dying in the warp and grief at the loss of his friends. After the battle he was the sole survivor of the three inquisitors.

## Trivia

* Donklas' signature mask first appears on his face randomly and without explanation between him being banished to the warp and meeting Kaldor Draigo (i.e. between episodes 18 and 21).
* Donklas went unnamed until the Battle at Khaine's Gate in Episode 26 (after which he received the worst name), prior to this he was simply known as *"Ordo Hereticus Inquisitor"*.

## Quotes

* *"We're gonna kill that Stormtrooper in a bit. Unless he explodes by himself. Like the others...[possibly aroused snicker]"*
* *"[definitely aroused snicker]"*
* *"Now is not the time to lie about! Now is the time to run the fuck away!"*

## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 Special 2: Warp Hijinks
2. ↑ Episode 5: Malcador the Hero
3. ↑ Episode 9: Necrons
4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 Episode 26 Part 1: Hateful Feud at Khaine's Gate
Kayvaan Shrike

**Kayvaan Shrike** is the Chapter Master of the Raven Guard.

## Official Canon

Shrike became Chapter Master during the Damocles Gulf crusade against the Tau, when the previous Chapter Master was killed by Commander Shadowsun. Shrike took the initiative and stepped up to become the new Chapter Master. While the rest of the Raven Guard will engage the enemy, Shrike will often serve as the rear guard to escort fleeing civilians or reinforce other imperial forces.

## TTS Canon

Kayvaan Shrike and the rest of the Raven Guard were summoned to meet their Primarch, Corvus Corax, for a mission to rescue Terra from Magnus the Red. Much like his father, Shrike is very polite and apologetic, often blaming himself for unfortunate circumstances.
Indrick Boreale

> *"Scones are sandwiches."*
>
>

**Indricke Boreale** is a captain of the Blood Ravens, and an infamous source of many memes.

## Official Canon

Boreale lead the Blood Ravens in Dawn of War: Soulstorm. He is best remembered for his extraordinarily hammy portrayal, due to a combination of lackluster writing and over-the-top performance. If he wins the campaign, a city is named after him called the “Borealum.”
Tragically, Boreale's victory was proven to be non-canon. *Dawn of War II* confirmed via Scout Segreant Cyrus that the campaign on Kaurava was a disasterous loss for the Blood Ravens, with 3 clarifying the Ork Warlord Gorgutz was the final winner, implying Boreale is most likely dead. However, his memetic popularity endures to this day.

## TTS Canon

Boreale and Apollo Diomedes are both considered by the Alfa Legion to be their spiritual lieges, due to their high meme potential. Knowing this, both of them were kidnapped by Magnus the Red. When he was done with the Alfa legion, Magnus let Kitten decide what to do with the two Blood Ravens; he suggests that they’d just play Call of Duty, to which they agreed emphatically.

When they returned to Terra, Boreale and Diomedes tried to keep Kitten and Magnus from arguing. While making sandwiches for Kitten, they argued over whether or not scones were sandwiches, with Boreale insisting they were and Diomedes insisting that they were cakes. Diomedes eventually bashed Boreale in the face with his hammer to get him to shut up.

Diomedes and Boreale would accompany Kitten's shield-host on their mission to Mars to acquire the Proteus Protocol. Upon Diomedes' death by one of Belisarius Cawl's Kastellan Robot units, Boreale was distraught, brought to tears by the loss of his fellow Marine (and meme). The words of encouragement by one of shield-host Proteus' Custodians allowed Boreale to regain his composure and continue the fight in retribution. He was among those remaining who witnessed the death of Kitten when the Kastellan Robots he was standing atop exploded due to Cawl and his Datasmith enacting the Chant of the Machine Spirit's Vengeance.

## Trivia

* Boreale and Diomedes' scone argument is based on a real twitter argument that Alfabusa had with Nostalgia regarding whether or not scones where sandwiches or cakes. The confusion stems from a Swedish 'scone' being a salty hard bun that is served as a savory snack, whereas a regular (British) 'scone' is a lightly sweetened pastry often served with clotted cream and jam, as well as tea and other similar beverages.
	+ Which side each participant of this argument would stand on was also decided at this time.

## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 Episode 27: A Cat to Yarn, A Bird to Folly
2. ↑ Episode 26 Part 2: Fear and Loathing in Commorragh
3. ↑ https://twitter.com/Alfabusa/status/1062343797726687232
Renegades and Heretics

Mortals who serve the Chaos Gods come from many different walks of life. They may be dwellers of the Underhive who have succumbed to horrific diseases. They may be from a renegade Imperial Guard regiment that killed their loyalist commanders in a blood-fueled frenzy. They may be scholars who stumbled upon forbidden knowledge. They may be hedonistic aristocrats whose ambitions and pleasure-seeking have attracted the gaze of the prince of pleasure.

Whatever their origin, Chaos Cultists often seek to undermine the world they live on in numerous ways; by building cults dedicated to Chaos, encouraging sedition or summoning daemons. Or they may seek out the nearest warband of Chaos Space Marines, or any large force that resides in the Maelstrom or Eye of Terror. They are usually poorly armed with whatever weapons they could scavenge, though renegade Guardsmen tend to bring whatever tanks and equipment they already had with them, making them a formidable force. While a lucky few may earn the favor of the gods, the vast majority of cultists either die as meatshields, or are so horrendously abused by their masters that their minds snap.

Chaos Cultists are the main characters of the spinoff show Chaos Descends.
Nagi

The **Nagi** are a minor xenos race that are allied with the Tau. They are a race of worm-like creatures that are capable of mind control. They are said to be “advisors” to the Ethereal caste.

A Nagi is seen very briefly emerging from an ethereal’s head while screaming.

## References

1. ↑ Episode 26 Part 1: Hateful Feud at Khaine's Gate
Capacités spéciales ennemis

***Capacités spéciales ennemis :***

Poids lourd : L'ennemi est si lourd qu'il est impossible à arrêter lorsqu'il charge. Il mettra à sol toutes personnes sur son chemin leurs infligeant des dommages que le MJ choisira. L'esquive est la seule alternative face à ce genre d'ennemi qui charge.

Mortel : Cette compétence signifie que le monstre possède un attribut physique (crocs ou griffes) si puissants qu'il tuera quiconque subira cette attaque sans possibilités de survie.

Miniscule : l'ennemi est si petit qu'il est difficile à toucher. Le personnage voulant l'attaquer au corps à corps subira un malus minimum de 15 à tout ses jets. Les sorts d'attaque ne sont en revanche pas affectés par ce malus.
Gobelin

**GOBELIN :**

Classes possibles : *Guerrier, mage, Touche-à-tout, Archer/fusillier, voleur et assassin*

Compétences de race :

 -Érudition : Bonus de 5% permanent sur tout les jets de connaissances

-Nyctalopie : Peut parfaitement voir dans la nuit et partiellement dans le noir total

- Artisan renommé (mécanique) : Est reconnu pour ses talents en mécanique et pourra revendre ses création plus chère. Peut tenter un jet de chance lors d'une création pour en créer une version épique (en cas d'échec l'objet ou l'arme devient pourrave)

-Marchandeur : Le joueur réussira toujours à vendre ses objets avec un bonus de 5% et à acheter avec une réduction de 5%. Ne nécessite aucuns jets mais une réplique rp.
Masque of Slaanesh

> *"Harvest their immaculate muscle mass and provide our Prince with its precious product! My escape from the eternally enduring dance of the damned will be determined! I MUST HAVE THOSE MUSCLES, MAN!"*
>
>

**The Masque** is one of the Daemonettes of Slaanesh.

## Official Canon

The Masque was at one time Slaanesh's favorite Daemonette, she created to be the ideal dancer. But after Slaanesh lost a war against Khorne and Nurgle, the Masque attempted to console Slaanesh by dancing. Slaanesh thought that the masque was mocking them, so they cursed the Masque to dance for the rest of eternity without rest, and is unable to experience any other sort of pleasure.

That said, she is able to force others to become unwilling participants in her dance, until they eventually dance themselves to death. Only a single Harlequin Solitaire was able to break this spell by matching the Masque's dance without fail.

## TTS Canon

The Masque attempted to lift its curse by collecting the muscles of the swolest Catachan Jungle Fighters as a tribute to Slaanesh, but her plan was foiled when the Raven Guard and Salamanders arrived. Because gene-seed enhanced muscles wouldn't work for the ritual, the Masque complained that her plans were ruined. However, she was horrified to discover that Corvus Corax was among the Imperial forces, and returned to the warp in fear.

She would later appear in the battle of Khaine's Gate leading the Slaaneshi forces, of which manage to wreck a Taurox due to the Cannoness Albia telling her squadron to hold their fire despite it's tankish nature. Sometime later she tries to take Kaldor Draigo to Slaanesh (possibly assuming he is The Silver Knight) only to be slain by the insane Grey Knight.
Codex Astartes

The **Codex Astartes** is a book written by Roboute Guilliman that was adopted by the Space Marines after the Horus Heresy had ended. The book contains vast quantities of information on battle stratagems, army organization, and other useful information. However, the main requirement of the Codex was a demand that all space marine legions had to be broken up into chapters of no more than 1000 men, in an effort to prevent a repeat of the Horus Heresy. In TTS, The Emperor openly despises the breakup of the legions and hates Guilliman for writing the Codex Astartes.but later accepted it as a good idea for the sake of the imperium

Not all chapters follow the Codex in its entirety:

* The Ultramarines follow the Codex Astartes to the letter, to the point that any battle brother who deviates from it is a potential heretic. Uriel Ventris nearly got punished for such a crime, whereas Cato Sicarius strictly enforces it.
* Most chapters follow the Codex Astartes with minor changes specific to their chapter, such as the Imperial Fists, White Scars, Iron Hands, Raven Guard, and Salamanders.
* The Blood Angels, Dark Angels, and their successors have major changes to their organizational structure for varying reasons, from the Blood Angels’ Death Company for afflicted battle brothers, to the Dark Angels’ reserving of the Deathwing and Ravenwing companies for the inner circle.
* The Space Wolves and Black Templars reject the Codex in its entirety. However, the Space Wolves are unable to rebuild to legion strength due to genetic defect, and the Black Templars keep their forces scattered to hide their true numbers.
* The Deathwatch and Grey Knights are largely exempt due to being specialist organizations working under the Inquisition.
Delphan Gruss

**Delphan Gruss** is an Archmagos of the Explorator fleets within the Adeptus Mechanicus.

## Official Canon

Delphan's particular obsession is searching for an artifact called the Omnicopaeia, which contains every STC blueprint in existence. This has gotten him into trouble with local authorities on multiple planets.

## TTS Canon

Delphan Gruss and his team went to the Orior subsector, chasing after rumors of a recovered STC fragment, but instead discovered a planet covered in archaeotech for what appeared to be a massive musical stage. Unbeknownst to him, his arrival was part of Cypher's plans. When the Dark Angels arrived, he told them to go away and take it up with the Fabricator-General of Mars if they wanted to complain to the Mechanicus.

## References

1. ↑ Episode 15: Tau
2. ↑ Episode 23: A Hairy Conundrum
Episode 10: Bold and Foolish

**Episode 10: Bold and Foolish** is the tenth and final episode of season one of *If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device*.

## Appearances

* The Emperor
* Little Kitten
* Fyodor Karamazov
* Ecclesiarch Decius XXIII
* Dominique
* Grand Provost Marshal
* Commander Militant of the Imperial Guard
* Master of the Administratum
* Fabricator-General of Mars
* Grand Master Elirush
* Inquisitor Donklas
* Inquisitor Adrielle Quist
* Inquisitor Javerticus
* Valjeanus
* Chapter Master Alfabusa of the Alfa Legion
* Disco Champion Garrot
* Master Chef Karl the Deranged
* Scot Sergeant Dr. White
* The Fresh Sorcerer
* Failsnake
* Eliphas the Inheritor

## Trivia

* This episode references the Alfa Legion, a now-defunct fictional chapter created by Alfabusa and his friends.
Khaine

> *"Kids these days..."*
>
>

**Khaela Mensha Khaine** is the Eldar God of War.

## Official Canon

Khaine is an extremely powerful and angry War God that predates Khorne. He fought against the Necrons and the C'Tan, particularly The Nightbringer. Though he succeeded in breaking the C'Tan into many shards, the wound he received gave all Eldar the fear of death.

A prophecy from Isha's daughter Lileath foretold that the Eldar would kill Khaine; he decided that he would destroy the Eldar before they could kill him, but Asuryan intervened and placed a barrier between the Eldar and their gods. When Isha attempted to contact the Eldar regardless, he took her prisoner until Vaul promised to craft him 100 of his finest swords.

When Slaanesh was born, Khaine battled with the newborn god but found he couldn't overcome the Chaos God. Before he could be consumed, Khorne came to his defense and claimed Khaine as his own.

Regardless, Khaine's soul broke into pieces, each shard now being inherited by each craftworld. The Avatar of Khaine can be summoned in times of great need when an Exarch sacrifices himself to become the avatar's body. While quite powerful, the avatar lacks the god's full power.

The craftworld's Aspect Warriors are derived from different aspects of the War God, some inherited from his battle with The Nightbringer or given to him by Morai-Heg the crone.

## TTS Canon

Khaine mostly appears in the Warpchat. He hates Slaanesh, and picks up Khorne for workouts at the gym. Khaine will call all the chaos gods "kids" in comparison to himself, much to Khorne's annoyance.

## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 Episode 14: Greatest of Psykers
2. ↑ Episode 22: Change
Happy Sanguinala!

**Happy Sanguinala!** is an uncategorized video in *If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device*.

## Trivia

* Sanguinala commemorates the death of Primarch Sanguinius, hence the Blood Angels crying in this video to mourn his demise.
* In spite of this, Sanguinala is treated in fan-works as the Warhammer 40,000 equivalent for Christmas.
Great Horned Rat

> *"HEY WHAT'S UP GUYS!! IT'S ME, THE GREAT HORNED RAT, THE FOURTH CHAOS GOD!! JUST THOUGHT I'D... POP POP IN ON Y'ALL AND SPREAD THE INFECTIOUS JOY OF GREAT HORNED RAT DAY!"*
>
>

The **Great Horned Rat** is the Chaos God of backstabbing, scheming, and disease. He only appears in Warhammer Fantasy as the patron god of the Skaven race.

## Official Canon

The Great Horned Rat does not appear anywhere in Warhammer 40,000. In Warhammer Fantasy, he rules the Skaven, a race of glorious rat-creatures that are constantly plotting the demise of every other race and each other. He was only a minor deity, but was elevated to a major Chaos God when Slaanesh vanished after the End Times, and remains such in the new Warhammer: Age of Sigmar setting. Khorne, Tzeentch, and Nurgle are not overly happy about this.

## TTS Canon

The Great Horned Rat shows up to declare that his new holiday, Great Horned Rat Day, was going to replace Slaaneshmas since Slaanesh "doesn't exist" anymore, and start eating the corpses of Slaanesh and Malal.
Nurgle

> "*Soon enough, the Anathema won't stand the succulent itching... **\*SLUURP\*** In his decaying body anymore.*"
>
>

**Nurgle, the Plaguefather**, also known as **the Supernatural Garbage Bag**, is a Chaos God.

## Official Canon

As the god of decay and disease, Nurgle has a hand in virtually all lifeforms in the galaxy. The worst plagues are of his direct making, allowing him to spread his influence easily.

During the Fall of the Eldar, Nurgle intervened when Slaanesh attempted to consume Isha, claiming the Eldar goddess for himself. He has kept her locked away in his plague garden where he uses her to test his various dieases. Being the goddess of healing, she always recovers from his infections; if Nurgle is pleased with the results, he unleashes them onto the galaxy. If not, he starts the process all over again.

## TTS Canon

Nurgle spends most of his time doting on Isha and working on his new plague called Crotch Rot. He also created Phantom Itching, causing the Emperor's nose to itch despite it not being there anymore.

 During the first Warp Chat session, Nurgle claims to feel pity for Tzeench getting the Magnus-soul beaten out of him, despite them being archenemies. During the second session, he falls for Tzeench's prank of delivering the Lord of Rot a bunch of pizza boxes loaded with tzeechian pink horrors, which proceed to ruin his garden. According to Isha, Nurgle then weeps so much that he drops a plague of Crotch Rot onto an imperial hive-world.

## References

1. ↑ Short 4: Decius breaks the News
2. ↑ Episode 22: Change
3. ↑ Episode 12: Primarch Pessimism
4. ↑ Episode 12: Primarch Pessimism
5. ↑ Episode 22: Change
Astropath Sassafras

**Sassafras** is an Astropath of the Salamanders' fleet.

## TTS Canon

Sassafras interrupts the planning of Vulkan and Corvus Corax to tell them that the Catachan Jungle Fighters are in need of reinforcements. However, she has much difficulty trying to pronounce the name of the planet that they are on.

Sassafras appears in the credits of Episode 2: Attilan Assault reading a Harry Potter tome. Alfabusa stated that he included her to reassure viewers that she was not aboard the crashed cruiser.

## References

1. ↑ Episode 1: Catachan Capers
2. ↑ Alfabusa's Twitter
Magus

> "*Well well, well. Look what we have here. I had a feeling you had guts, detective. I just didn't realize how badly you wanted them spilt."*
>
>

The **Magus** is the public face of a Genestealer Cult on Hive World Purgatory. He acts as the "new mayor's spokesman," and attempts to foil Detective Bruce Norring's investigation.

## Official Canon

A Magus is a special genestealer hybrid born from psychic parents. The Magus is a potent psyker himself, and will use his charisma to bring he cult together, as well as divert suspicion away from the cult. Being among the most human-looking hybrids, the Magus will be out in charge of any front organizations used by the cult. He will also act as an enforcer of the Patriarch's will.

## TTS Canon

The unnamed Magus intercepts Bruce on his way to the mayor's residence, and introduces himself as the new mayor's spokesman. Bruce was immediately suspicious of this "uncanny excuse for a man." The Magus attempted to have Bruce silenced before he could reveal the existence of the cult, but when the latter snuck into the cult's lair, he was instead to be made into a gene host. The Magus and the rest of the cult, however, were all killed when Inquisitor Adrielle Quist suddenly emerged from the Warp.

## Personality

The unnamed Magus is shown to be scheming and cunning as well as extremely charming up and to a point. It is heavily implied he had the hives previous mayor killed or infected and held sufficient sway following this to intimidate almost everyone into silence. He projected a sense of confident security and approached Bruce Norring in an attempt to set him up for an ambush that Brue was able to avoid through using the backdoor. Which while speaks of his ability to manipulate and indeed intimidate, his oily charms were not able to sway Bruce, likely due in part of his tendency to imply subtle hints to the truth in an attempt to avoid giving a direct answer.

Within the safety of the Gene stealer sanctuary he drops this polite and oily charisma, and confronts questions more directly. He indeed seems to become increasingly unhinged after realising Bruce managed to connect with the Hive Mind clearly revealing his fanatical devotion to his god, talking with almost perverse pleasure as he observed Bruce almost being infected.

## Quotes

* *"Seize his mind! Infect him! TYRANNICUS IA F'TAGHN!!"*

## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 The Shadow Over Immateriums
ASK QUESTIONS!

**ASK QUESTIONS!** is a short video the second season of *If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device*. This was to promote the first Q&A video in which The Emperor answers questions in character.

## Appearances

* The Emperor
* Little Kitten

## Trivia

Kitten's binary transmissions translate as such:

* "I think the Ultramarines are coming around with Magnus Soon."
* "I can't wait for Cypher to get to Mars so he can execute the plan."
* "As long as the questions don't scream about Baneblades."﻿
BEHEMOTH Trilogy

The **BEHEMOTH Trilogy** is a three-part series created by Eliphas the Inheritor. The trilogy takes place in the same universe as *If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device*, set about 300 years before the first episode. The storyline is focused primarily on the First Tyrannic War, and stars Inquisitor Kryptman and his Deathwatch Killteam as they fight against the newly discovered Tyranids. The trilogy crosses over with TTS as it features a longer version of Marneus Calgar's duel with the Swarmlord in Episode 8, and features much of the same cast. The trilogy also implies that the abnormal victory record of the Ultramarines began during the Battle of Macragge.

## Cast

* Alfabusa as Draken, Magos Varnak, Ultramarine Honor Guards, Vilhelmus
* ComradeCrimson as Kryptman and Lynius, Tau Female
* Dr. White as random Stormtrooper, Acolyte 2
* Earndil as Astropath
* Eliphas as random Ultramarine
* FanofWar40k as Pythorogus
* The Fresh Sorcerer as the Narrator
* Fusion as random Blood Raven
* Karl the Deranged as Marneus Calgar
* Kochiha Ichihara as Cato Sicarius
* Larry Luxus as Telion
* SpikyRhinoBox as random Stormtrooper, random Inquisitor, random Squat, Godfrey, Acolyte 1
* StellarElite as Volund, Wilford, random Ultramarine, Squat leader, Ork, Mikelus, Ortan Cassius
* Stupidfart9876 as random Stormtrooper, Cornelius (cameo from *Retarded Squad*)
* ThunderPsyker as Tech Priest, Johnny (cameo from *The Emperor's Finest*)
* Yohan Gasmask as Calato, random Ultramarine
Kharn the Betrayer

**Kharn the Betrayer** is a champion of Khorne.

## Offical Canon

Kharn had been the World Eaters' equerry prior to Angron's discovery by the Emperor. When all other captains failed to convince Angron to take command of the legion (and were brutally murdered), only Kharn succeeded. Kharn had befriended marines outside his legion during the Great Crusade, including Imperial Fists first captain Sigismund, but at the outbreak of the Heresy, he had already committed himself to Khorne.

After the Heresy, Kharn was single-handedly responsible for the breakup of the World Eaters legion when, during a battle with the Emperor's Children, he forced his fellow legionaires to fight by destroying their shelters. That is how he earned his epithet. Now a crazed berserker he attacks enemy and ally without hesitation.

## TTS Canon

Kharn was booked to appear for the Slaaneshmas special, but turned down the offer and grumbled on the phone. His slot was taken by Sly Marbo. He is acknowledged as part of the unofficial "quartet" of Chaos Champions, comprised of Ahriman, Typhus, and Lucius.
Dr. White

**Dr. White** is a voice actor and co-writer for *If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device*. He wrote most of the warpchat scenes, which were originally intended to be part of a spinoff series.

## Characters Voiced

* Mechanicus Genators
* Random Guardsman
* Commander Shadowsun
* Kairos Fateweaver
* Detective Bruce Norring
* Kadus
* Pirate Deldar
* Random Skiitari
Little Billy

**Little Billy** is a child who constantly encounters extreme misfortune.

## TTS Canon

Little Billy wears a cardboard box fashioned like a space marine helmet. He keeps suffering horrible accidents yet somehow survives; because of this, some people speculate that he is a perpetual. This is further supported as he makes an appearance in the BEHEMOTH Trilogy, which supposedly takes place 300 years prior to the events of TTS. To further support this, Perpetuals stop aging past a certain point, which in Little Billys case, is very early.

* Firstly, Billy and his friends were ran over by Magnus the Red on his Bike.
* Next, he and his friends were abducted by Dark Eldar and thrown in a slave pit. He watched as the slavers turned his friends into meat puppets.
* Then, he was the target of Lucius the Eternal's "social experiment," where Lucius psychically contacted him pretending to be a little girl. Confused by the message, Lucius suddenly appeared, and assaulted him with his tentacle appendages.
* Billy was captured by the Dark Eldar again, but this time was saved by Sly Marbo.
* Was hammered in the face by Calato.
* Caught in a time loop by Lucius as part of the opening bit of his Slaaneshmas Special.

Billy may possibly be a mutant, assuming that he is the same Billy that is mentioned by Boy, explaining why he wears a mask at all times.

## References

1. ↑ Episode 14: Greatest of Psykers
2. ↑ My first Dark Eldar video
3. ↑ Short 5: Lucious Lucius Prankz (GONE HERETICAL)
4. ↑ Heroes of the 41st Millennium - Sly Marbo, The One-Man Army
5. ↑ BEHEMOTH Trilogy, Part 2
6. ↑ Special 3: The Slaaneshmas Special
7. ↑ Episode 2: The Black Templars
Episode 19: Warp Grumbling

**Episode 19: Warp Grumbling** is the 9th episode in the second season of *If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device*.

## Appearances

* The Emperor
* Little Kitten
* Magnus the Red
* Inquisitor Headsmash
* Random Guardsman
* Random Commissar
* Random Space Marine
* Random Sororitas
* Random Grey Knight
* Random Captain
* Random Navigator
* Random Tech-Priest
* Random Psyker

## Trivia

The opening scene is a reference to an earlier Alfabusa video, Cooking with the Imperium - 500 Subscriber Special.
Khorne

> *"Who in the everliving MOTHERFUCKING COCKBISCUITS, STOLE MY CHAINAXE!!"*
>
>

**Khorne, the Skulltaker**, also known as **the Paraplegic Sociopath**, is one of the Chaos Gods.

## Official Canon

Khorne is one of, if not the strongest among the Chaos gods. He demands constant bloodshed from his followers, without regard as to whether it is from the enemies of chaos or not. His main stipulations however are that his chosen must never use magic or trickery, for he hates anything aligned with Tzeentch and prefers to depend on his own strength in combat. He also hates Slaanesh for preferring to draw out fights for the sake of entertainment and pleasure, as he's very direct about destroying the enemy absolutely. Due to Khorne also embodying courage, vengeance and martial honor, Khorne does not lie nor mislead his followers or potential followers, depises cowardice and looks down on those who would kill the weak and helpless as his belief in strength demands that a warrior must earn their kill against a worthy foe.

## TTS Canon

Khorne spends so much time on the skull throne that he frequently gets picked up by Khaine to go to the gym for leg day. He also has to clean his chainaxe due to Slaanesh stealing it to use as a sex toy.

## References

1. ↑ Episode 12: Primarch Pessimism
2. ↑ Short 4: Decius breaks the News
3. ↑ Episode 22: Change