Alto Goeman

Alto Goeman is a recurring player created character, portrayed by Alex O'Keeffe, in Budgens and Dragons.

## Show Bio

Alto Goeman is a mysterious man. He is a down-on-his-luck former courier. Mother, his former commander, has forced him out of retirement for one last mission. The fate of the world is at stake, and the only thing that can save humanity, is if he procures Mother with a scratch card, of her choosing, and brings it back safely. All equipment for the mission is OSP (on-site procurement).

**Pros**: Resourceful. Sometimes the rain can rejuvenate him, as he does breath through his skin. Though this might be a placebo effect. Also, he just so happens to find useful items to do exactly what he needs on his adventure.

**Cons**: He doesn’t know anything, and has to ask questions about anything being explained to him. Even if he’s already been briefed on the situation.

His original bio, in episode 2, was a bit more complex, but Alex simplified it in later iterations to make it easier to follow.

## Appearances

### Episode 2 - Cat Box Cannibals

Alto Goeman went on mission to infiltrate the couch in order to procure some money. He found £10, and an old Dreamy. He fed the Dreamy to Sweet Potato, which ended up killing the poor cat. He and Cannibal De Hells left the house, with the money in Alto's possession. During the walk to the junction, Alto attempted to call his master on 141.80, however they did not pick up. A Hind-D flew overhead as he looked glum. The party soon had to cross the road. They made it, but were injured along the way. Alto attempted to use his survival techniques of crouching down so the bleeding stops in order to stop the bleeding... but this too failed. The sight and smell of his blood then became too much for Cannibal De Hells, who then promptly ate Alto Goeman.... along with the money for the scratch card.

### Episode 3 - Neigh! (I'm a Horse... of Course)

Loop 3 - The weather was a Snowy 20, so everyone, including Alto Goeman, died.

Loop 4 - Alto Goeman takes his time to get ready. Mother threatens to stab him because of his jokes and puns. Sweet Potato gets £9 from Mother, who gives it to Alto. He then asks Mother for some tea. Alto *REALLY* likes his tea, and asks for some more. Mother obliges, and makes another round for everyone. Also then states that he wanted this to be taken with him on their journey, which annoys Mother somewhat. She looks for a Thermos, and she finds one. Sadly, as she transfers the tea into the Thermos, she scalds herself, and dies. Alto Goeman ultimately survives the loop.

### Episode 4: Into the Alleyway and Back Out Again Cuz It's Really Wet

He starts off being alerted by Mario collecting coins, and lights a cigarette. It's almost fatal. He doesn't have time to shave, so he walks into the kitchen looking scruffy. Mario calls him Luigi, but Alto corrects him. Mother makes him a tea. Alto Goeman manages to get £5 from Mother, and finds out that the scratch card is £20. Mario's coins, which he collected earlier, are deemed legal tender in Budgens, so Alto hands Mario the £5. They leave the house to the Underground theme from Super Mario Bros. it's very wet, but everyone manages to stay on their feet.

They cross the road. Mario and Sweet Potato cross fine. Alto Goeman then tentatively crosses the road, and then crosses the road exactly as Sweet Potato does. He then basks in the rain, in attempt to heal himself and rejuvenate. It feels good. Sweet Potato then, with the use of his newly acquired braincell, urges the group to go to Budgens. They make it to the junction, and Alto Goeman convinces the group to go down the alleyway, so they can procure an umbrella from the rumoured corner shop. They have to cross the road though, and Alto Goeman has second thoughts. Thankfully, the DM rolls a 1, so the roads are clear, and they make it across with no trouble... except Mario, who botches a triple jump. This wastes the do-over. Sweet Potato shows a feat of agility, and Alto's Psyche Meter decreases, as he is the least agile. They continue down the path, and end up at a shop. This shop is a CostCutters. Alto convinces the group that they could get an umbrella in here, and asks Mario to look for more coins. Mario says "Okie Dokie" but does not look for coins. He instead receives 5 coins from Mario. Alto Goeman finds umbrellas immediately, and because he rolled a 20, also notices that they have the same scratch cards here as they do in Budgens. Alto asks if they should lie to Mother, and before Sweet Potato has a chance to answer, Mario implies that they should, and will. Alto suggests to a sad Sweet Potato that they can let Mario buy this one, and they will go get the real one as well. The cashier (Martha Florgan) sells them the same scratch card as Budgens, and a blue umbrella.

Suddenly the weather gets worse. The group tries to convince Mario to put the scratch card back, to get a coat for Sweet Potato, but he find 11 more coins, so they buy a Yazoo branded coat as well. They leave with the receipt, and Alto Goeman states this will rat out their dishonesty. On the way back, Alto remembers that he has an umbrella, and put it up after getting himself and Mario a bit wet. Alto Goeman is protected by the umbrella, but as Mario is so short, it does not protect him. Mario somehow realises the flooded alleyway is a water level, so Alto Goeman attempts to use the umbrella as a boat, to float Sweet Potato across... but Alto also gets in, and it sinks. He then watches Sweet Potato kill himself by not landing on his feet, and noticing that there is danger, he asks Mario for the scratch card, as he'll be the most safe. Mario obliges, before diving in after the cat, Alto didn't quite fall into the deep underwater level part of the alley, so he attempts to wade across. Wading across, Alto leaves the receipt on the collar of the, now skinless, cat corpse. Alto makes it across safely, and checks his body for any leeches that may have attached to him. he is covered in leeches, and attempts to burn them off with a cigarette. However, due to poor rolls, he sets himself on rain proof fire, and burns to death.

## Confirmed Kills

The list of kills caused by Alto Goeman, directly or indirectly.

1. Fed Sweet Potato an old Dreamy he found behind the couch. - *Episode 2, Loop 2*
2. Asked Mother to add a hot cup of tea to a Thermos, which she spills and scalds herself to death. - *Episode 3, Loop 4*

## Background Lore

### Early Life

Alto Goeman was born sometime in the 80s on August 24th as part of the “Les Enfants Livreurs” project. A secret project that the directors of The Royal Mail, Fed:Ex, UPS, and DHL put together to create the ultimate delivery boy. He is a genetically manipulated clone, using genes from the ultimate delivery agent Pat Clifton, aka “The Postman”. He is one of eight clones, and is believed to be the only surviving clone from this project. But nobody truly knows the details of this project… except for Mother.

### Delivery Service

After graduating from school in 1998, Alto was enrolled into the military delivery school in the United Kingdom. Naturally, he excelled in every field and graduated years earlier than his peers. He then found work with a rouge courier service which was run by Mother. Mother was like a mentor to Alto Goeman. She taught him everything he knows, and together they developed their own version of close quarters delivery.

### Operation: Lizard Eater

In 2005, there was an incident in the United States involving a terrorist cell of couriers known as Amazon. Alto Goeman was sent in to handle the delivers while their workers were on strike. Their leader “Big Bezos” had desolated the nation’s landscape, and the whole country became a wasteland. To add to the situation, he also learned of Mother’s betrayal. She was secretly aligned to Big Bezos, and sold out her delivery service to Amazon. When Alto arrived to New York, he and Mother had a brief battle on Brooklyn Bridge. Mother was more skilled in combat than Alto, and she soundly defeated him. To spare him from execution by Big Bezos, she threw him over the bridge, and he was presumed dead.

Alto Goeman was not dead, however. He healed himself from his injuries (as medical bills in the USA would have bankrupted him) and he trained hard so he could resume the fight. One week later, Alto Goeman ended up rebuilding all the roads of the USA, and re-establishing a trade link between all of the major cities. He prevented Amazon from doing the same globally as it did to the USA, and defeated Big Bezos, in a sword duel, on top of the Federal Hall in New York. Big Bezos died from his injuries. The resulting victory absorbed Amazon into the delivery network and they became the company you know and love today.

### Mother’s Revelation

However, the fight was not over. Alto Goeman has one more battle with Mother. This time, he challenged Mother in a duel of wits, and cunning… they delivered pizzas around New York in a web-slinging race, with the finish line in Central Park. He defeated Mother, and was going to finish her off… but she revealed to him the truth of his origin… and their true relation. It was no coincidence that he and Mother met. She was tasked to test him and his skills for a future task. She was the one who carried him, and his brothers, to term. She is not their true mother. The egg donor is unknown. She also revealed that there was one more out there… still alive.

### Retirement, and Faringdon

After hearing the revelation, Alto decided to spare Mother’s life. He did, however, retire from the courier service. He handed in his badge and gun, and left Mother crying and heartbroken in the middle of Central Park (she rolled a 17 though, and did not die). Nobody knows where he went. Some say he went to Alaska to race dogs. Some say he raised Shiba Inus in Japan. Where ever he went though, he thought he was safe and alone… and he was, for many years. But in late 2021 he received a surprising visit in his isolated home. It was Mother.

“ALTO GOEMAN…IT’S BEEN TOO LONG. I NEED YOU TO COME WITH ME TO FARINGDON. YA SEE... I’VE GOT A LITTLE TASK FOR YA….”

## Quotes

* **Kept you waiting, huh?!** - *Episode 3, Loop 4*
* **It'sa ME Mario... Alto Goeman** - Episode 4, Loop 5

## Trivia

* Alto Goeman's first name "Alto" translates to Stop in Spanish, which makes his name "Stop Go Man". This is a play on Hideo Kojima's naming scheme.
* One of Alex and Eddie's favourite video game franchises is the Metal Gear Solid series. Many attributes of Alto Goeman's character, including his voice are based off traits from David Hayter's portrayal of Solid Snake, and Big Boss from those games. His looks, and some attributes, are based off of Sam Porter Bridges from Death Stranding. Both of which were directed by Kojima.
* Alto Goeman has aspirations to become the President of the United States
* Alto Goeman is the first character to indirectly kill Mother, as seen in Episode 3