Jamie Wilsons

Created by Jimbo (Jim Robinson) and Neddy (Brett Sclanders)

### **Interview with a SUPERSTAR (by Jimbo) - posted on September 21, 2005**

> This years GHL draft brings a suprise first, GHL's first ever SUPERSTAR player.
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> Canadian born Jamie Wilsons enters this years draft as the most potentially talented player to ever grace the ice in the GHL. Standing an impressive 6'4 and weighing in at 245 pounds he has the perfect height weight for a defenseman.
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> However scouts criticise his consistency, fades out in some games, doesnt show up in others, has a low PPG playoff history etc. etc.
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> TSN took time out to interview Wilsons about his supporters, doubters and future.
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> **Not Barry :** So Jamie excited about the prospect of going near the top of the GHL draft?
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> **Jamie :** Umm theres no easy way to say this dawg, no!
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> **Not Barry :** really? usually prospects are excited about their upcoming selection, what gives?
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> **Jamie :** Come on gee! How can one get excited about being selected by a pitiful franchise like Carolina? or god forbid Philidelphia? Thats wak! Hell even if I managed to fall into the shitty portion of the top 10 I somehow gotta dodge that perennial golf pro team in Montreal! I am scared as hell! I pray nightly I slip to a gun team like Boston at the bottom of the 1st! That would just pwn dawg.
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> **Not Barry :** What about the doubters out there Jamie? Those that say you dont have the consistency to be a top 5 pick?
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> **Jamie :** Sheet they can just suck my
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> **Not Barry :** \*cough\*
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> **Jamie :** cause I dont give a damn what they think dawg! I bring the A game every shift baby, hittin punks, crushin hapless fools who get in my way, droppin the gloves and just flat out schoolin punks gee. I mean I hit like Ali bruvva, no one gonna step to me.
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> **Not Barry :** Well you arent short of confidence thats for sure Jamie. TSN wishes you the best of luck in your future.
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> **Jamie :** Aww thats sweet Bro, I just like to shout out to my homie Joe Wregget lighting it up out in Boston, peace bruvva, and to ma pal Big Merv Huey who taught me all I know about punchin fools lights out. Peace Out! Go Boston!
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> TSN OUT
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### **Jamie Wilsons - Post-Draft Interview (by Neddy with help from Jimbo) - posted on October 3, 2005**

> Hot off the press an interview with contraversial superstar Jamie Wilsons and ESPN's very own Barry Melrose.
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> **BM: How does it feel to be drafted by Phoenix and to play for GM John Hsu?**
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> JW: John who? Oh yeah that cat, well its sweet and all gee you know it was a big relief for me to go to a dope franchise like Phoenix, it could have been scary....
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> **BM: What do you say to Philadelphia, Carolina, Toronto and Colorado who passed you up?**
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> JW: Oh shit, now you did it....I was gonna be civil but you had to go and bring that shit up. Well to be brutally front on dawg I was happy not to go to sewer dwelling Philly and that evil mofo Bobba Emack is running that ship. Hell I was talking to my dawg Leopold and he is shit frightened son. We had all these rumours and shit, you gotta pledge death to the evil empire and all this wack shit. Man I am stoked to get outta that and I pray for my boy Leopold.
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> **BM: Err..**
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> JW: ....do Carolina actually have a team? Oh ok hadnt noticed!
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> **BM: And to the doubters that say you are 3-4 years away?**
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> JW: 3 or 4 years? well thats just wack talk. Who said that? Some evil mofo I bet. Well I can step right in with my A game right now, I mean I can just be laying haplees fools out from day one dawg. But I have full faith in the Phoenix brain trust and if they want me to go back to juniors and pummel teenage kids for another few years well then thats what Ill do....I mean shit dawg those young chicks at those junior games are fly anyway probably in my best interests to saty there. you do know what I am saying right? wink wink
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> **BM: Anything else on the horizon, now that your dream to play in the GHL has come true?**
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> JW: It was no dream dawg, always a reality for pwn3rs like me. On the horizon I have deals gonna down gee! I mean I have a hit record coming out on death row records 'death on ice' with such phat tracks as 'the pain train is a cummin' and 'i killed you and took your hoe' man when that phatness hits the stores dawg I am gonna be lampin it large. I have already asked the GHL if its possible for me to wear all my dope gold ropes while playing....its all about pwning dawg and I am here to knock this league upside the head! peace!
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> **BM: There you have it ladies and gentleman, this is the new breed of hockey player, get to know him and you better get used to him!**
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> ***A special shout out goes to Jim Robinson for Jamie's candid responses***
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### **Jamie Wilsons Second Album (by Jimbo) - posted on June 4, 2008**

> Hot off his first smash hit in his rookie year "Game Misconduct - 25 to Life" Wilsons hits the record stores with his brand new hardcore rap CD "Who needs con when you are 100 pot"
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> Tracks include;
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> Penalty Box Pariah
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> Game Misconduct - 25 to Life
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> Coach Killer
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> Death by skateblade
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> Raped your 5 hole
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> Hapless Fools be Fearin me
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> Stick to the Dome
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> Penalty Box Duchie
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> 100 pot smokers
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> They call me J-Willy
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> Slash and Burn, Your Legs, My Blunt
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> Autograph requests at your own risk
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> Power from the Point
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> Who needs con when you're pot 100
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> Review;
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> Wilsons hardcore in your face rap style is identical to his on the ice "dont F with me attitude" the swearing warning on the CD cover is well earned with no less than 120 F bombs per track.
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> Wilsons claims he has packed heat in GHL games before and once almost pulled a piece and 'pumped some lead' into 'Wigger' Patrick Frunke from Buffalo.
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> "Yo that Frunke fool almost got capped one game, he is a poser M&% F&^% and is still living off his inflated rookie stats. I once met him at centre ice dropped my gloves and that punk wet his pants, swear to god gee, he puddled right there at centre ice, he is lucky my 9 got caught up in my jock strap"
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> Wilsons now tears it up in Colorado after caretaker GM Jim 'Gron' Robinson drafted him 3 overall in Phoenix in his rookie year.
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> "I still remember the call when we drafted him" Says Robinson
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> "He answered the phone...'Sup bitch3z!' ....we knew we had a winner right there"
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> Wilsons continues his stellar play lighting the lamp a miraculous 3 times for Colorado in game 2 of the Cup first round.
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> "Yo that trick was for my boy GM Neddy out in SanJose, taught me everything I know bout wild rage focusing, so I can focus my rants into on ice thuggery and brutality"
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> Wilsons is clearly a big hit, being GHL's only pure superstar, and has many fans even out of Colorado.
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> So F^%$ the con and get on board the Wilsons train!
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### **Wilsons reunited with Boss (by Jimbo) - posted on November 3, 2008**

> Jamie Wilsons diamond studded smile was ear to ear, he had just hung up a call on his solid gold iPhone with his manager.
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> *"The Boss got it done gee! I am goin to Florida! Ohh I cant wait to start crackin heads in a Panthers uniform for Jimbo Robinson!"*
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> Wilsons was an excited gangster, he had just been traded from power house Colorado to Lowly Florida, most players in his position would be a little down (apart from heading to sunny Florida) but Wilsons was on cloud 9.
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> *"Jimbo drafted me back in my draft year, when he was caretaking Phoenix, we spent a lot of time together back then, listening to gangsta rap, pimpin hoes, smokin weed, you know all the type of thing rookies do with their GMs"
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> "He really helped me get my first record deal "Slashing : 25 to Life" and helped me really focus my goonery on the ice into more homicide than hockey. I was only hitting guys before we got together, after that it was more decapitation"
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> "Its good to be home gee F%$%^ Yeah!!! woohoo!! Wait til the GHL gets a taste of the new and improved meaner, nastier Jamie Wilsons!!"*
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> By this time the weed smoke was so thick and the music so abusive that we had to end the interview prematurely, but one thing is for sure Wilsons to Florida could be a marriage made in heaven with the power and skill of the GHLs only true superstar reunited with the mastermind of goon GM in Florida.
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### **Wilsons disciplined by league (by Jimbo) - posted on December 4, 2008**

> SUNSHINE -- Of all the cajoling, snide remarks and other stunts Jamie Wilsons pulled on the way to becoming the biggest pest in hockey, never had he gone so far that the GHL believed it had to suspend him -- until Tuesday.
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> Wilsons was punished indefinitely by commissioner Stephen Hicks for using a crude term about his former girlfriends now dating other hockey players. Hicks acted within hours, in time to keep Wilsons out of the Florida Panthers game against the Buffalo Sabres on Tuesday night.
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> Wilsons' inflammatory line came following a morning skate in Buffalo, New York. Reporters were waiting to speak with Wilsons about disparaging remarks he'd made last month about Sabres star Patrick Frunke when Wilsons walked over to the group and asked if there was a camera present. When told there was, he said, "I gotta let the Wiggers know whatsup."
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> "I'm really happy to be back in Buffalo; I love the Bills and I love frightening that poser Frunke! I just wanna be real about how it's become like a common thing in the GHL for guys to wanna bang my sloppy seconds. I don't know what the F%^$ thats about, probably blatant racism, this league is run by Wiggers so whatya expect? No love for the hardcore Gangsters like myself and Alfie Cederberg. The league wants a bunch of softies playing, well if you want that S&^# tune into a Colorado v Philidelphia game" He then break danced out of the locker room.
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> Wilsons' ex-girlfriend, actress Elisha Cuthbert of the television show "24" and the movie "Old School," is dating Buffalo forward Patrick Frunke; she had been romantically linked to Leopold Segina of the Philadelphia Flyers. Wilsons also dated Rachel Hunter, the former Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover model and actress who is now the girlfriend of St.Louis Blues winger Rudy Caffrey.
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> On Cuthbert Wilsons said "She was a great ride no doubt"
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> Patrick Frunke of the Sabres was available for comment; \*crying\* "My thoughts were that it was a very disrespectful comment, and the league took action and I definitely agree with the way they took action," Frunke said. "He is such a big mean bully!"
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> Wilsons is the kind of player who delights in doing or saying something to get under the skin of opponents and their fans. He's led the league in penalty minutes twice, and was doing so again going into Tuesday. He's not only often called the most hated player in the GHL, he loves hearing it.
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> "I love to hurt on hapless fools, no doubt about it," Wilsons said this summer, after being traded from Colorado to the Florida Panthers. "That's how I play. That's how I live. That's what I'm all about. Keepin it real for the gangsters!"
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### **Wilsons calls out Sclanders (by Jimbo) - posted on December 20, 2008**

> One of the long time blood fueds of GHL completed this week with a suprise win by resurgent Florida over long time enemies San Jose.
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> One of the catalysts in the Florida revival is big time trade pick Jamie Wilsons, the outspoken and contreversial player has 7 points in 9 games as a Panther and has been delivering deadly punishment to opponents up and down the ice all season.
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> The suprise Panthers find themselves 5-4 in a very tough division (TB, Car, Wsh, Atl) and with their first winning record in as long as anyone can remember.
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> After the game Wilsons made it very clear this team has turned the corner.
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> WILSONS : "Did you notice how soft San Jose were? man it was f^%\* ridiculous so many wannabees were hiding either behind the net when I was on the ice or cowering in the penalty box, homes there were fools in the box who didnt even have penalties! Thats the s%&% I bring to the ice player. These wiggers dont even wanna be on the ice, On 2 occasions man they didnt even have any puss\*\*^ on the ice for the faceoff? whats up with that???...
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> WILSONS : I think a lot of it comes down to their GM. I mean talk about wiggers, this fool helped me out with my first albums cash flow and then gee I swear it he was rockin up with 30 inch gold chains and talking like 'yo gee' and listenin to my music! HAHA I remember he used to like fuc\*&\* sing my hits out loud, he fuc\*&\* loved "Penalty Box Pariah" man that was funny shi\*! I mean I liked the fool and all but man I have enough groupies thanks GM Ned!!! (hot f#@#$ music video bangin groupies!! -- thats not you ned)
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> WILSONS : That goal I scored was the f&%^ shizzit brother! Did you see that baby scorch in! HAHA I think their goalie was hiding behind the net when he saw this superstar start his wind up! I mean can you blame the faker? My slapshot is like a WOMD! Actually at one point during the Iraq war they found some pucks I had mishit in the desert over there and the govt wanke## were bustin my crib up lookin for WOMD and I was like Right here players!! you lookin for me!! Cause fools know I am a weapon!!
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> ....On this weeks rematch......
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> WILSONS : I asked my idol GM Jim to just let me play, I mean like rest our entire fuc\*&\* team and I can just go out alone. I mean whats gonna happen? Kherpins gonna piss his pants, Haagvist is gonna puff his baby chest out then I am going to crush that fuc\*&\* fool, Linkomies is still upset I banged his mum so he wont be a factor (she was a MILF) and I am screwin Kudelskis wife so I should make sure I mention that to him! HAHA Those fake fools wont know what hit them, Florida series sweep boys you write that in your papers! Hatrick to superstar Wilsons! Make that your headline, those fakers are fuc\*&\* toast.
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### **Wilsons latest star to be outed (by Neddy) - posted on December 22, 2008**

> In an announcement that has sent shockwaves through the GHL community, Florida Panthers defencemen Jamie Wilsons announced at a press conference following a 3-1 defeat to the San Jose Sharks that he is, in fact, a homosexual.
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> Wilsons cut a fragile figure before a throng of journalists from across the globe, a striking contrast to the brash and disrepectful behaviour that he had demonstrated in recent weeks, often breaking into tears throughout his written statement.
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> "I sit here before you all today \*cries\* that I am not the man you thought I was." \*cries harder\* "All that talk about wiggers, shizzit and other stuff, it's just a show, that isn't the real Jamie Wilsons. The real Jamie Wilsons, is a kind, loving, homosexual young man." \*bursts into tears, accompanied with snot bubbles\*
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> After 15 minutes to regain composure, Wilsons was pressed further, mainly by Bob McKenzie about the difficulty of being a homosexual in a old-school, hetero male dominated environment.
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> "It's hard but I am lucky I have an understanding partner. He is just so gentle but it is tough because he lives in Columbus and the schedule makers are lucky to schedule a game there a year." \*sobs again\* "Maybe if I can get a trade to Rangers that would be great, with those sweet pink uni's and I will only be a short flight from Columbus, life would be great then."
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> When asked what this may do to his music career, Wilsons was more optomistic about his future.
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> "Its like a snake shedding its skin. Gone is the gangster-rap, in comes the love ballads album that I have in the works. I already have George Michael, Elton John, Joshua Kadison and Darren Hayes on board for some duets. It's all very exciting, a new chapter..."
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### **Wilsons impact unquestionable (by Jimbo) - posted on January 15, 2009**

> Florida Defensemen and Infamous GHL personality Jamie Wilsons has continued to justify his acquisition from Colorado this off season with stellar play of late.
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> Although many question his constant 'slumping' Wilsons has shown when you have 100 pot con dont mean sh1t as he posted 11 points in 8 games last month including 5 goals and 2 GWG.
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> His 9 goals (already a career high after only 30 games), 18 assits and 27 points ranks him top of all Florida Defensemen and 3rd in the team in scoring. He sits 4th in league scoring for defensemen and his strong play has lifted the struggling Panthers to 3 points out of the 8th spot out East.
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> Wilsons also has 64 PIMS which leads all Panthers defensemen as he has stamped his physical authority on games and continued his reckless and violent play typical of his stints in Phoenix and Colorado.
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> When asked for comment Wilsons replied
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> "Who the Fuc^ are you dude? Get out of my face before I crush you like the fool you are! Flyers Homer Punk!"
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> Ummm ok then, anyway if he continues his on ice play the Panthers might be back in the playoffs quicker than any rational person would have thought.
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### **Florida Celebrate Milestone (by Jimbo) - posted on June 9, 2009**

> The Central Florida Daily Rag caught up with Jamie Wilsons last Sat night when he was leaving "Booty Heaven" a below average to increadibly skanky brothel in the heart of downtown Florida.
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> "Jamie what do you have to say about the zero love your GM Jim 'Coach' Robinson recieved the other day when he celebrated his 1,000th career post, a record placing him in the echelon of such distinguished names as Ned 'Ginger' Sclanders, Dave 'The Drum' Liebowitz and the Canadian ECCD (Emack Confederation of Control and Domination)?"
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> J : What I have to say to dem fools is dont get to close to the ice when Im on it cause I am aimin on hurtin some poor fools and they could get in the way of the pain train!! J Wilson baby! True Superstar of the GHL, got creds to prove it and I be pimpin all the finest hoes!
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> J: Got my new album out in just 3 weeks for all the ladies out there after the smooth tones of J Dog, Barry White eart your heart out mofo I got nuf ladies to fill the Superdome! With my big hits like "Deeked your G-Banger off" and "Top Shelf Lovin" along with the hardcore dont F wit me and my homiez slammers like "Skate the Ripper" and "Blueline - Groundzero" its sure to be a hit!
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> J: Finals time be comin up and dont think I am gonna let the Panther pain train keepin on rollin!!
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### **VOICEMAILGATE!!! The latest on Wilsons's hacke v-mail (by Jimbo) - posted on November 9, 2009**

> Wilsons was finally quoted in saying
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> "WTF backup outta my face fools before I smack that stupid talk outta yo mouf! J-Fug? Yeah we battle online a bit on EA NHL but that fool is as useless as yo Momma at it, I be schoolin his stoopid as$ 10-0 almost every game! Yo know his problem? He rages like a ho on her ragz when playing and he is like F dis and F dat and I just take the punk to skool"
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> "I think he wants out of NY secretly, dat fool be tellin me he thinks the GM checks him out in the showers! How messed up is dat man!"
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### **VOICEMAILGATE!!! The latest on Wilsons's hacke v-mail (by Dave Leibowitz) - posted on November 9, 2009**

> BREAKING NEWS!!!
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> The hackers apparently got lucky with the first password they attempted to get into Wilsons's voicemail: iluvbo
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> Strange. Strange, indeed.
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### **March 28th to April 3rd (by Jimbo) - posted on February 16, 2010**

> 2-1 sim, Jamie Wilsons suspended for 10 games!!! aaaahhhh with Payne out to thats not great timing by the big man, although he felt some pressure to get in on the 'destroy a penguin' competition being held by all GHL defensemen atm and I think he may have got himself a semi final berth with his effort.
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> Wilsons was quoted after the game
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> "Kubina? who dat? Oh dat hapless fool that wandered into my kill zone and got crushed? Well I am not sorry for what happened, fools know to give me a 2 metre personal zone at all times!! I mean what was dat fool thinking running into me like that out on the ice? I mean was he actually trying to hit me? I dont think I even hit him back! He just sorta ran into me and crumpled in agony to the ice, I mean sh1t if I had actually hit dat clown he would probably be dead right about now"
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> and how do you feel on your 10 game suspension?
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> "fckn p1ss3d!!!!!! thats what!!!!! I am going to crush the league Commish when I see dat fool! I mean does he know who I am? I am a superstar baby!! the GHL ratings are gunna plummet cause dat fool suspended me!!"
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