Tool Hardcock

If the other players heard this guy's name, they'd be cracking up so hard I swear to god

## Character Information

### Also known as

Liver Damage (by Ulysses)
Lively Fellow (by Munkus)
Did He Just Shit Out of His Ass?

### Languages

Common
Halfling
Undercommon

### Connections

Unnamed ex-wife
Munkus Potassion (respected colleague)
Jane Casaway (source of annoyance)
Jeralos (best friend)
Screpel Brusai (acquaintance, target of jokes)
Ulysses (source of unease)

## Current Condition

### Cause of Death

Stabbed in the stomach and beheaded by the Frozen King

**Tool Hardcock** was a minor ally in Screpel's account of his journey after the dissolution of the Barricade Bashers. He was a halfling bard recruited by Munkus Potassion in order to fill up the ranks of his new adventuring group, the NEW Barricade Bashers, in order to slay a prominent bandit leader known as the Frozen King. As the second member recruited to Munkus' party, he really didn't care. He was drunk most of the time.

## **Biography**

### *Absolutely Hammered*

Tool made a living going from place to place in Lyion being musical talent for events like weddings, birthdays, parties, etc. Through his job, he met his wife, a halfling woman enamored with his special talent for music. Their love sparked fast and they fell even faster. But, a fast fall also meant a fast destruction. The more time Tool's wife spent with him, the more she realized he wasn't the person she thought he was. Arguments became more frequent, nights of love even less so. Soon, Tool and his wife separated and the halfling bard found a new love. Beer! The days after the divorce were mostly a blur, but he encountered an apeling monk with a dream. A dream of dispensing justice to a malicious being. Tool despised the fact that he was wasting away, not doing anything with his life after alcohol so he agreed to join the up and coming adventuring group.

### *Defrosting the King*

Tool met the other members and almost regretted joining. Jane was nothing but a headache to him. Jeralos seemed like a horny asshole who needed to be the best at everything. Then, Ulysses... well Ulysses was just plain creepy. The apeling, Munkus, really assembled a band of misfits for this job. Taking down the Frozen King wasn't going to be easy. But, as time passed and Tool learned more about his comrades, friendships formed and he became more confident about their chances of survival. Moreover, one of the old Barricade Bashers, Screpel Brusai, met his friend Munkus and agreed to help in their mission.

The day arrived at last and Tool was ready to destroy the Frozen King. The group entered the hidden chasm that the criminal occupied and chaos soon consumed them. Jeralos made a stupid move, leading to his downfall. The NEW Barricade Bashers retaliated. Soon, all of the King's minions were dead and he remained. The party coordinated and struck! Jane was the first to fall against the icy villain. Ulysses had mysteriously disappeared. Tool felt despair like no other and soon, everything ended. He felt an icicle pierce his chest and in an instant, his head was swung clean off.

## **Description**

### *Appearance*

Tool is an average bard with an average taste in clothing, albeit with a less refined presentation of his self due to all the alcohol he drinks. His clothes are always sloppily put on, with buttons remaining unfastened and belts not fully secured. This can lead to a lot of funny wardrobe malfunctions and frustration for Tool himself. However, he takes extremely good care of his instrument, which is a harp. He makes sure that no damage comes to it and it remains as shiny and polished as the day he got it.

### *Personality*

Tool used to be a happy, go-lucky fellow with a deep love of music, but fell from grace after his issues with alcohol emerged. After his "ale"ment (GET IT?!??!?), he became deeply cynical of the world and the people living in it. He would use deep, bitter sarcasm when talking with someone else and always see the worst attributes of them. That being said, Tool still loved to tell stories when the time was right and after he felt more comfortable around his party, he enjoyed sharing the tales of his past. Along with a healthy dose of trauma dumping, these stories were entertaining.

Jeralos also showed him the art of pranks, something he grew to love in the short time spent with his tiefling buddy.

## **Relationships**

### *Ex-Wife*

Tool and his divorced wife have a horrible relationship with each other. It was only because of his serenading songs that they got married in the first place, but once she realized who she was actually married too, she couldn't stand her husband. All Tool heard from her was constant nagging and complaining, especially about his love of alcohol.

Funnily enough, when the two finally severed their ties, Tool's alcohol consumption skyrocketed. It was probably a final "fuck you" to her from beyond their former marriage.

### *Munkus Potassion*

Seeing this young fellow full of energy and courage inspired Tool. After all the hardships he endured at the hand of his wife, it was a nice change of pace to be seen in a positive light by someone else. Additionally, Munkus' wisdom and planning surprised Tool because of his age. Being lead by a 17 year old would usually be humiliating for someone of Tool's age but he had faith in Munkus that he could lead their party to triumph over the Frozen King.

### *Jane Casaway*

Jane didn't make a good first impression on Tool because of how much she reminded him of his ex-wife. Although her lessons were those of divinity and not self-improvement, Tool still ignored every word that came out of her mouth. Because of his complex reliance on alcohol, Jane would further chastise the halfling, leading to some heated arguments. Not a good look, honestly.

### *Jeralos*

Tool thought that Jeralos was an arrogant asshole at first but after talking to him, he found out that's literally what he was. But, it didn't deter him from forming a friendship with the tiefling, especially because he had hilarious ideas for pranks to pull on unsuspecting passersby. The shenanigans they got up to created a neat little friendship and Tool would frequently share his ale with the tiefling after a successful excursion.

### *Screpel Brusai*

Jeralos disliked Screpel. Jane liked Screpel. Tool saw Screpel as nothing more than a walking punchline. His entire existence made Tool feel indifferent but whenever he needed someone to rant to or someone to prank, Screpel was the best bet. The halfling practically used him as a tool for therapy because he never did anything to stand up for himself.

### *Ulysses*

Tool and Ulysses never crossed each other, but Tool was the only one who sensed something genuinely evil from the dark aarakocra. He seemed too polite, too quiet, and too agreeable most of the time. Sure, he would occasionally butt heads with Jeralos, but Tool just expected that to be Ulysses' self-preservation in action. The way Ulysses fought, the way he killed the Bashers' enemies... it unnerved Tool. He sobered up as best as he could when Ulysses approached him.

## **Trivia**

* Tool Hardcock was voted as #1 in the "character with the goofiest name" poll.
	+ This is because Tool means "jerk" or "asshole" and Hardcock is usually associated with an erect penis.
		- It is also speculated that his wife left him because she hated having the name "Hardcock" as her official last name.
		- The Historian has neither confirmed nor denied this speculation to be true.