Best Assistant Ever Kailyn

### Named After

Kailyn a charming and lovely fan who frequently live-reacts on the discord server and who also is a sometimes contributor to the wiki

> *"Thank you Kailyn.  Best Assistant Ever."*
> *- Mayor Jonah M. Jackson*
>
>

Best Assistant Ever Kailyn is the official assistant to Jonah M. Jackson, Mayor of Heavendale .  She has been serving alongside the mayor for an undetermined amount of time, at least for the past 15 years, as she was serving the Mayor during the first Spider Day.

She has been noted as one of the best assistants ever.  She is also the one who keeps track of everything for the Mayor, like knowing where his keys are.

## Appearance

Kailyn is an adult female of undetermined age.  Presumably, she wears business-professional clothes, as she works in a local government office.  She was described as looking "just so tired, so upset with the Mayor" in Episode 14: Goku \*\*\*\*\* Pills

## History

Not much is known about Kailyn before the events of the podcast begin.  It was revealed in The Story of Spider Day that Kailyn has been Assistant to the Mayor for at least 15 years.  It is unclear how much of the Mayor's success as a public figure is due to her hard work and dedication, but one may presume that she has always done a great deal behind-the-scenes to mask the theoretical incompetence of the mayor.

## Abilities

Kailyn has no known hero abilities.  She is the most capable of putting up with Mayor Jonah M. Jackson's shenanigans, but it is unclear if this is a form of supernatural patience or just the result of growing up in Heavendale, where joy and the promise of upward mobility was slowly sapped out of her over time.

## Trivia

* Kailyn was an NPC that was willed into existence on the show due to the discord shenanigans of Jonah and Kailyn.  The two had jokingly discussed on the discord for weeks about Assistant Kailyn being the competent one of the duo, who made sure things around Heavendale actually got taken care of on occasion.  Jonah, whom Mayor Jonah M. Jackson is named after, was invited to do some recording for The Story of Spider Day .  Within that narration, he helped to introduce Best Assistant Ever Kailyn.  She was later fully introduced and credited in Episode 14: Goku \*\*\*\*\* Pills.
* Best Assistant Ever Kailyn and Nurse Kari are two NPCs named after real-life sisters who are fans of the show.
	+ The two real-life sisters recorded a parody song to the tune of "Build Me Up Buttercup" about their experience listening to Critical Bits.  The song is used as an intro to much of the Patreon-exclusive content.
		- They also wrote and produced the song I am Sad Sack and its accompanying music video, which is a parody of The Monster Mash.
	+ The two sisters have theorized that BAE Kailyn and Nurse Kari, to mirror their real-life inspirations, are in fact sisters as well.  Both grew up in Heavendale with dreams to make the world better, leading one to enter the political sector and one to become a health professional.  It wasn't until they entered the work force and realized the dreariness of living in Heavendale and the lack of impact they had that they became disillusioned with the world and resorted to looking tired all the time and betting on what teens would get beat up first.  This information was presented to creator and GM of the show Joel, and he said something along the lines of "sure, yeah" therefore it is canon.
* In Episode 5: Brunch Factory, Mayor Jonah M. Jackson was introduced by "his secretary, whatever" before beginning his press conference. Since this individual was never mentioned again and had no lasting significance on the story, it can be assumed that this was, perhaps, actually Assistant Kailyn. This information was presented to creator and GM of of the show Joel, and he said something along the lines of "Yeah, that's good too. Yeah, the secretary was Kailyn" therefore it is canon.
* The prevailing ship from the fans involving Assistant Kailyn is that of Kailyn x Jenkins AKA Jenkie Bear. This may only be a prevailing ship because only two people care about it but that doesn't make it less valid and since I'm writing this wiki I get to say what I want.