Die Fradenheimer Zeitung - Autumn, 1000 A.D.

## Assassination thwarted: Touring prophet walks away unscathed!

A team of murderers failed to assassinate the prophet known as Jesus of Nazareth the other day when a group of unknown men and women interfered with their plans.

The prophet was supposed to deliver a speech in front of the church that afternoon, pleading for the public renounciation of God (may he savour our wit). The squad of scoundrels allegedly deployed themselves on vantage points surrounding the square, preparing to open fire on the speaker. But several as of yet unknown heroes caught wind of their attempt and made an apparently coördinated effort to prevent the murder from happening.

This according to the Sheriff of Fradenheim, Ser Brüno of Pompudom, who conducted a thorough investigation after the event. "The city watch managed to arrest one of the three assassins, suspect 'L.' of Les Rats. Suspect 'L.' claims he was spotted by a certain Bartolomeo of Nobodyville, who he supposedly managed to gravely wound before having to retreat from the scene."

The other two assassins managed to slip away. Several eyewitnesses have reported sounds of a struggle in the northern tower, followed by a man in a brown cloak fleeing the scene, blood oozing from his face. A very handsome, dapperly dressed man, a cute blond guy with a bruised shoulder and a beautiful warrior emerged from the tower victoriously, before joining the crowd for the remainder of the speech.

The third assassin was seen chasing a young girl around. Retired knight ser Rheumalot witnessed the ordeal: "She begged for my help, that young lass, as that little Rat chased her down. Naturally I came to her aid, which wasn't easy for a man of my age, mind you! The criminal took one look at me and vanished in an alleyway. I still got it in me, yes sir!"

Thanks to the help of these heroes, Jesus of Nazareth was able to finish his speech post haste, allowing the listeners to either finally go home or to attend mass.

## The king's sleep endures: How long till he wakes?

King Karltofel du Chairette continues to not wake up from his chronic sleeping condition. Last week he entered his 5th year of continued resting; a record, according to certain individuals who are good at keeping score.

The absence of a head of state has left Fradenheim in a disorganised state. Some blame the lack of proper governance for the degeneration of the city watch, causing the gangs of Fradenheim to vastly expand their control over the districts.

The king's son, prince Obergine du Chairette (21) was appointed by his father to lead, but anonymous officials have complained to this zeitung that the young prince often goes missing for days at a time, only to return to the keep once in a blue moon to take a bath and enjoy an luxurious meal.

According to court physician Angela Ziegler, the odds of the king waking up are slim. "I haven't the faintest idea what could be the problem. I've tried every remedy that God allows; leeching, trephining, blood-letting... I even attempted an exorcism despite not being trained in the matter. But one thing I can say for certain: Our liege is ill. He eats a lot, even while asleep. If we don't constantly supply him with food, he'll sleepwalk to the kitchen to make some himself."

It is unknown when or if the king will rise again from his unusually long nap. In this time of uncertainty, the High Chandelier bids that we ask the Lord for a quick recovery of our liege, and that the moment the Enschuldigang commences a hostile coup d'état will be far into the future still.

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