Facebook, Death and Fast Food

## Episode blurb

Fast Food Update / Don't Talk About Tom on Facebook After He's Dead / Faking Our Own Deaths / Starting Your Own Beverage Company / Frankenfish / Arizona is Giving Out Free Trips to Mexico / Drinks for Teenage Dirtbags / Camping / Burger King / Brunch / Sex and the City / BK Mimosas / KFC Double Down / Tim and Tom and A Bunch of Other [...]

## Running Gags

* Tim hates teenagers
* Tom is obese
* "What if we die before this comes out?"

## Quotes

**Tom**: "I was gonna talk about how if I die I don't want anyone to talk about it on Facebook."

**Tim**: "This is relevant ... because I assume, as you probably do, that your death will be related to fast food in some way."

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**Tom**: "I maybe go once a month."

**Tim**: "You're gonna die, obese and alone, all greased up in a fast food establishment."

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**Tim**: "About once every week or so you email me an updated obituary that you want me to post on Facebook when you die ... every time it's different what you assume you're going to die from, and it's usually some kind of vigilantism."

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**Tom**: "The thing I hate about Facebook is being tagged in things."

**Tim**: "You get tagged in these pictures-"

**Tom**: "-and all of a sudden you're 'Tim who likes to go to strip clubs all the time'."

**Tim**: "Exactly."

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**Tim**: "Don't go into my bedroom, into my desk. I've actually done this, I've put my Facebook password, it's kind of hidden.. so that in the event that I die this person can come and get it, and just to freak everyone out a little, maintain my Facebook page as if I didn't die."

**Tom**: "So from beyond the grave?"

**Tim**: "But it's not going to make any reference to the fact that I've died ... I'm probably spending 14/15 hrs a day on this, but it's worth it. I really don't want people from elementary school knowing I'm dead."

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**Tim**: "I also assume I'm going to die in a very embarrassing manner. 'And they never found the gerbil!'"

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**Tom**: "We should probably record episodes just in case."

**Tim**: "We haven't actually been releasing all these episodes, right?"

**Tom**: "No they've been in a vault for years."

**Tim**: "It's April 6th, 1998."

**Tom**: "By the time 2010 rolls around we'll start putting them out."

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**Tom**: "We should record 3 episodes. One under the premise that I'm dead, one under the premise that you're dead, and one under the premise that we both died, in some freakish accident."

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**Tom**: "So it'll be 'I'm Tom, and I'm Tim... you DIED this week, Tim! That's crazy!'"

**Tim**: "That'd be a weird episode."

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**Tim**: "We should record a soundboard of our favourite catchphrases ... you'll be rambling on ... and then you'll hear me say, 'Hot DIGGITY!'"

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**Tom**: "It'll be the Complete Guide to Tim's Death, the Complete Guide to Tom's Death, and the the Complete Guide - They're Dead, It's Over."

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**Tim**: "Just hold him down &.. have ever drowned someone in a river?"

**Tom**: "Can't say that I have."

**Tim**: "It's pretty dark... I'll handle it."

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**Tom**: "... it was easier, because you were a teenager and young and nubile-"

**Tim**: "Nubile has nothing to do with it, Tom. You might have meant to say 'agile'."

**Tom**: "Oh yeah."

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**Tim**: "You're always quick to point out peoples' typos [on Facebook], I don't think that's very entertaining."

**Tom**: "I'm not trying to be entertaining, I'm trying to give people a valuable life skill."

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## References

1. ↑ https://soundcloud.com/completeguide/facebook-death-and-fast-food