TFW Glossary, or Key Final Word Words

# TFW Glossary, or Final Word Words

## Bannerman

Charles Bannerman played in a game now considered the first Test cricket match, and holds several records as a result. Most notably he scored 165 of Australia’s total 245 runs. This remains a record which sets the criteria of *The* Bannerman:

* the highest proportion scored by an individual of a team total
* in a completed innings
* in a men’s Test match.

This statistic is ‘the Bannerman’ — 67.35%.  Players are described as having achieved *a* Bannerman in other forms of the game (including local and social cricket), but *The* Bannerman is a stat unbeaten since that first Test match. You can read more about Charles Bannerman here. Final Word listeners often post scorecards from matches that contain Bannermans, or near-Bannermans. Local cricket has been particularly fruitful in producing Bannermans. The ‘completed innings’ is a key component of the Bannerman - all other batters need to be out or otherwise retired for a true Bannerman.

In 1979 Enid Bakewell scoured 112\* out of England’s innings total of 164 in a test against the West Indies at Edgbaston. This is 68.29% and has also never been beaten in men’s or women’s Tests, though there are very few women’s Tests in comparison to men’s to challenge the statistic.  See here for more on Enid Bakewell.

## Crickmas

Daniel Norcross refers to the day before the County Championship starts in the UK as 'Crickmas Eve', the day before cricket returns for the summer. Down Under this has been adapted for the day before the first Test of the summer, and TFW Nerds wish each other a 'happy Crickmas Eve', or to those lucky enough to attend the first day of the first Test, 'happy Crickmas!'. In November 2022, Final Nerd Dan D was inspired to poetry (with apologies to Clement Clarke Moore).

> Twas the night before First Test, when all through the house
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> Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
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> The kit bags were hung by the chimney with care,
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> In hopes that Don Bradman soon would be there;
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> The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
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> While visions of hat-tricks danced in their heads;
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> And mamma in her flag cape, and I in my cap,
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> Had just settled down for a long summer's nap,
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> When out on the ground there arose such a clatter,
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> I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
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> Away to the window I flew like a flash,
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> Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
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> The moon on the breast of the newly-mown field
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> Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects yield,
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> When, what to my wondering eyes should present,
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> But a miniature roller, and eight tiny groundsmen,
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> With a little old captain, the voice forgone,
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> I knew in a moment it must be our Don.
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> More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
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> And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
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> "Now, ASHWIN! now, HERATH! now, POLLOCK and JIMMY!
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> On, AKRAM! on AMBROSE! on, HADLEE and WARNEY!
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> To the top of the mark! to the top with the ball!
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> Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
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## Dusty Old Bastards (DOBs)

DOBs (Dusty Old Bastards) are usually players with fewer than 3 (occasionally stretched to 5) international caps. As WW2 tragically shortened so many careers they are often pre-1945 players. There was a proliferation of players in the era between 1918 and 1935 who played only a few games - sometimes just one - never to appear again. Their brief appearances were often incredible stand-alone performances. Many DOBs would be lauded now but have disappeared into the mists of cricketing time.

There is no precise qualification criteria for DOBs. In Story Time 51 – Geoff learns algebra (13th June, 2021), Adam notes “if they played in the era of television it’s not so dusty”. In Story Time 67 – Hello, my name is Flooi du Toit, Geoff provides the following guidance on identifying a DOB:

> *"We've been asked during the week on the Discord page what the definition for a DOB is. There wasn't a strict definition, it was the constitution, it was the vibe. It was ... [they] didn't play a lot of international cricket. But there's no strict cut-off. It's more like, how much have you never heard of this person? How much can you expect those you're about to talk to on the show will never have heard of this person? It's more in those sort of areas. There's very much a vibe."*
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“*It was the constitution, it was the vibe*” is a reference to the wonderful 1997 Australian film “*The Castle*”. If you’ve not watched it, please do. We highly recommend it.

The origins of DOB begin in Story Time 24, when Adam notes that he is often speaking about ‘one Test wonders’, and invites suggestions as to what to call the segment. This prompts listener Alex Brown to suggest a theme song for DOBs - Chesney Hawkes' *'I Am The One And Only*', which is now played whenever a DOB appears in Nerd Pledge. This is adopted in the next episode, Season 9, Episode 8. In discussing the suggestion (from about 45:30) Geoff notes that they do sometimes have more than one cap, but are generally unknown players with fascinating stories, “*some sort of dusty old bastard that nobody has exhumed from the archives for years*” and thus the segment was named.

In ST109, Adam also refers to it "starting with Father Marriott, that's the first really good one" who was a one cap wonder, playing against the West Indies in 1933.

Story Time 57 is titled “The dusty old bastards club” and features a number of them.  Other DOBs include:

* Douglas Carr - the Nerd Pledge (Darragh O’Donovan $1.62, which Adam suggests is for English cap number 162)  first associated with Chesney Hawkes in ST 24, mentioned in ST 25 and 26, and one of England's best one-cap wonders. Carr also qualifies as an Old Spinner, a TFW double threat.
* Alan Wharton - ST 28 (35 mins in). A single post-war Test against NZ in 1949 but stridently anti-apartheid, a stance not usual at the time.
* Septimus Kinneir - ST30 (41 mins in).  A single cap against Australia in Sydney in 1911 as a 40 year old, like so many others.
* Flooi Du Toit - ST67. A single pre-war cap for South Africa. Early for a DOB but a good story and a great name, another double threat as an Old Spinner.
* Ted Bowley - ST98. In classic DOB style he had his career interrupted by the First World War and made his debut in 1929, not far short of his 40th birthday.

In a weird twist of fate, we learned that one Final Word listener (Robin Fritz) has a wonderful connection to Chesney Hawkes via his 85 year old mum (Jennifer Baxter). Robin told Adam that in addition to once going on a date with Brian Close, Jennifer was a midwife in the 1970s and helped to  deliver Chesney Hawkes, making her the ‘one and only’!  How to link TFW to Chesney Hawkes in the fewest possible steps — call the midwife! (Story Time 39 – David Boon on the 8 Mile)!

## Old Spinners

TFW has also long had a fascination with Old Spinners, spinners (usually finger spinners) still playing past 35 or 40, and occasionally making their international debut this late! There were a large number of them in prior years, which could be for a number of very TFW areas: weight of wickets, uncovered pitches, left armers, guile and wiliness. TFW has a particular soft spot for spinners over the age of 30 debuting and taking wickets. There’s often big Old Spinners energy on Story Time, leading to a list of TFW favourites who reappear regularly. Old Spinners have their own channel on the TFW Discord.

Some classic Old Spinners mentioned regularly include:

* Tich Freeman
* Bert Ironmonger
* Clarie Grimmett
* SF Barnes
* Hedley Verity
* Wilfred Rhodes
* Flooi Du Toit - a great name which warranted naming rights for Story Time 67.

But *not* Frank BLOODY Ward, high on the TFW Shit List for replacing Clarrie Grimmett on the 1938 England tour.

## Nerds and Julios

In the early 1990s, the Australian men’s Test Cricket team started describing themselves as Nerds or Julios. Julios (after Julio Iglesias) are players who pay more attention to their personal appearance, and in more recent times, social media appearance. Nerds are just about cricket and mainly cricket, hence the link to the Nerd Pledges on TFW. ‘Regular’ pledges of round numbers are described as Julio pledges. Possibly due to the enormous success of the Test team of that era, the classification is still raised and players are asked to categorise current or former members. Geoff and Adam explain the origins of Julios in Story Time – 31 A Tribute to Julios. In TFW world, both terms are used with love.

## Pool Party(s)

During the 2019 Men’s World Cup in England, Sri Lanka complained about a number of things including pitch preparation, but most noticeably that they were not provided with a pool in their official accommodation. This was first noted in the World Cup Daily episode 16 (14th June 2019) and proved significant - once Sri Lanka had a pool they started winning games (World Cup Daily episode 23). Recently this seemed symbolic when protestors took over the Presidential Palace and used the pool; hopefully a positive omen for the country. You can read more about the 2019 Sri Lankan World Cup complaints here.