Episode 61: Food Baby

**Video:**
1:00:04

**Video:**
2021-08-31 16-23-44.mp4

https://globehell.libsyn.com/

## Episode Summary

We've all on occasion ate a bunch of food and said something like  "I think I have a food baby". Usually a baby doesn't come out you just  go dump, but what if one did? Pull it out the toilet and treat it like a  child of your own? Would it get your arms all poopy? Is it made of  poop? How do you make an egg pregnant?

## Idea Details

* Idea: Food Baby
* Creator of idea: Josiah
* Purpose of idea: You know, we've all heard of baby food, right? (Drew: "Mhm.") You know, baby food! (Drew: "It's what *you* - oh, it's what *you* eat! Isn't it?") Well, OK, come on now. We've all heard of uh baby food, so you just get your baby, you know, standard baby. (Drew: "Mhm. Standard baby, right.") So you get your uh baby and you g- uh, you know, it does - it moves around, it plays with toys and stuff. (Drew: "Mhm.") Just normal baby stuff, uh and eventually baby gonna get hu- hungwy. Baby get h- (Drew: "Right. Well that's what babies do, Josiah.") It's hungwy! So, you see, baby food is kind of a thing. Baby food! I mean, what's the - what's so confusing about that? You don't know what that - (Drew: "Well, nothing's - no! I didn't say there was anything confusing!") So baby food. So you've heard of baby *food*, but have you ever heard of this? Have you ever heard of this? You've heard of baby food, but have you ever heard of this? (Drew: "What?") Have you ever heard of this? (Drew: "Heard of what?") This! (Drew: "What?") Have you ever heard of that? (Drew: "Heard of what?") You've heard of baby *food*, but have you ever heard of - (Drew: "I've never heard of -") You've ne- OK, well, that's a thing that happens in life, people love to talk about it, - (Drew: "OK.") - so here's a definition, I think we can use it in a sentence too, but this is food baby! You don't know this concept? So you don't know about this concept of food baby. So food baby is kind of when you - people say , 'Oh, I have a food baby,' is a thing. You have - ate so much, you've got a little - you have a food baby! So what are two of the biggest problems - what are three of the biggest problems in the world right now? (Drew: "Number one, I'd say, is global warming.") Well, let's forget about that one. (Drew: "OK.") That's a given. The top three problems are that there's not enough food for everyone, - (Drew: "Mhm.") - the second problem is that there's not enough cute babies everywhere, - (Drew: "Mhm. OK.") - and the third problem, ironically, is that there's overpopulation in the world. (Drew: "OK.") And so what if I told you we could solve all three problems - (Drew: "But the - so 2 and 3 don't square out! Because you want -") Oh, I'm so glad you mentioned that, so early on! (Drew: "Well it's - I noticed that immediately. I cannot believe you didn't notice that.") So what I'm proposing is what if food babies were real babies? But my idea this week is that we use - if somebody says they have a Food Baby online, we send a Food Doula to their house, - (Drew: "OK.") - or a midwife, - (Drew: "Mhm.") - who will help them and coax them - we're gonna start ta- we're gonna start listening to people when they say what they ha- we're gonna actually start listening to people. (Drew: "Mhm.") They'll tell us, if they have a food baby, - (Drew: "Mhm.") - we're gonna coax them through it, - (Drew: "Mhm. Josiah, but the food baby-") - we're gonna bring it to full term, and they're gonna give birth to a little Food Baby that is made of food - (Drew: "Josiah -") - and then it will be an edible baby, and it will sol- the Food Baby will - I'm no scienti- we're gonna work this out together, you and I! (Drew: "Josiah, that's not what the food baby means. It's when... An age-restricted video, thank God!")
* Timetable: Food Babies will be real when we start treating other people with empathy by listening to them and believing them when they say they have a Food Baby. It will also require Food Doulas to install a You-Tube so Food Babies can be birthed from the third hole.
* Idea details:
	+ Food Babies are real babies but we haven't been taking people seriously.
	+ If somebody says they have a Food Baby online, we will send a trained Food Doula to go to their house and coax them through it to full term, at which point they will give birth to a little Food Baby that is made of food and will be an edible baby and it will solve world hunger.
		- Note: Food Babies are babies that are birthed as edible food, and should not be confused with Food, which is shit that goes through a NASA shit converter to become edible.
	+ We will work with the doula/midwifery community to develop a way so that we actually listen to people when they say they have a Food Baby.
	+ Food Babies will look like Baby Groot but made of whatever the person had eaten, like cauliflower.
	+ Food Babies don't need to be painted but you can paint them if you want.
	+ Food Babies will be made in the womb.
	+ Food Babies will solve hunger and the baby shortage and the population overage all in one go.
	+ Food Babies will be free of charge.
	+ Food Babies won't come out as shit.
	+ Food Doulas will install a new tube that is specifically for delivering Food Babies. This will be called a You-Tube. It will add probiotics and make it so Food Babies come out the third hole instead of out the ass, which is where they currently come out as shit.
	+ We will figure out a way to make it so someone can go into the intestinal tract inside the body and form the Food Baby into whatever shape is desired.
	+ Food Babies won't have souls.
	+ Food Babies will be alive, sort of like an edible clone.
	+ Whatever you drink will become the Food Baby's blood.

## Devil Play

* Drew was hostile and aggressive throughout the entire episode but he technically was not playing devil. Josiah explained that playing devil is like BDSM and involves trust, but what Drew did in this episode went beyond that because he violated Josiah's trust and backstabbed him when he dared to bring empathy into the show.
	+ Note: The reason for Drew's aggression was revealed to be because he was pregnant with a Food Baby.

## Notable Events

* Josiah and Drew spoke in inviting voices at the beginning of the episode.
* Josiah and Drew revealed that Globe Hell Warning is winding down and this is one of the last episodes of the show.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Professionalism in the Workplace" about tips on how to be professional in the workplace.
* Josiah revealed that he has sometimes had to ask Drew to dress appropriately for recording sessions because Drew likes to show a little too much skin.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Tips on Professionalism [BE A WORKPLACE STANDOUT]" about Ariana Grande giving tips on professionalism.
* Josiah and Drew discussed the options of taking 5-minute breaks, smoke breaks, or having an open-office setting.
* Josiah and Drew discussed which one of them is the office gossip.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Office Etiquette Tips with "Mister Manners"" about Thomas P. Farley, also known as "Mister Manners," sharing some etiquette tips for how to be on your best behavior at the office.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Reborn Baby Lunch Time Routine Reborn Role Play" about Reborn Baby Joseph Lunch Time Routine this a  Reborn Role Play feeding reborn dressing up and stop motion baby movements.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "How To Say Food Baby" about how to say Food Baby with Emmasaying free pronunciation tutorials.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "food baby" about the definition of food baby.
* Josiah and Drew listened to *Food Baby* by The Musical Shotgun.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "If Food Babies Were Real - Merrell Twins (FOOD BABY)" about ever eaten to much and had a food baby?
* Josiah tried to show Drew an age-restricted video called "ASMR - Celebratory Crazy Belly Growling - 4k Subs 2 M Views!" about a woman whose lunch was sandwiches with chorizo and 🥜 peanut butter, and had two bowls of cereal and then some peanuts that I peeled in my twitch stream!
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "What Does a Doula do During Childbirth?" about the doula's role in childbirth.
* The Globe Hell Test
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Coconut Oil for Pregnancy - Midwife Secrets That You Need to Know!" about how it's no secret that coconut oil offers some amazing health benefits!
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "What is a Midwife?" about how certified nurse-midwives provide care and support for women, their partners, and families during pregnancy, labor and delivery, and after childbirth.
* Josiah and Drew rewatched "How To Say Food Baby".
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "How to make Fondant Baby with Silicone Mold. Easy Baking".
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "DIY Edible Barbie Doll! | EAT Barbies! | EATABLE Chocolate Barbie Dolls Tutorial!" about how to make an edible barbie!
* Josiah and Drew rewatched "ASMR - Celebratory Crazy Belly Growling - 4k Subs 2 M Views!".
* Josiah and Drew rewatched "How To Say Food Baby".
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "How to make a fondant face explained step by step".
* Josiah and Drew rewatched "How To Say Food Baby".
* Drew revealed he has a tummy ache and thought he might be having a Food Baby. His symptoms included his tummy hurting and it felt like he needed to shit.
	+ Note: This explains why he was so aggressive to Josiah throughout the episode.
	+ Note: Drew refused to listen to himself and believe he had a Food Baby, instead choosing to believe he simply had to shit. However, if he had instead gotten a You-Tube installed by a Food Doula, he would have given birth to a Food Baby made of the following:
		- Licorice (1 bunch)
		- Fried chicken (1 bunch)
		- Diet Coke (1)
		- Coffee (6 cups)
		- Mountain Dew (1)
		- Water (2 bottles, unknown volume)
* Josiah and Drew rewatched "If Food Babies Were Real - Merrell Twins (FOOD BABY)".
* Josiah revealed what his current Food Babies would be, based on the last thing he ate. He lied that it would be salad, but confirmed it would actually be shit.
* Josiah and Drew relistened to *Food Baby* by The Musical Shotgun, which Drew confirmed would be the new theme song for Globe Hell Warning.

## Notable Quotes

### Josiah

* "I mean, we've run out of ideas, we've run out of intros. We've run - there's nothin left. We're just fuckin stuck here to get some pennies from you."
* "Well, normally at the start of the show, we bring each other to completion on webcam. And that's before I hit record. And we skipped that today and I don't really know why. So I'm feelin a little bit pent up. Aaaaaand a little backed up. This retention thing that you're always jokin about, it doesn't work. At all. It makes me just feel disgusting. You're supposed to be doing it with all of your fluids, right?"
* "Drew's talking over a woman! What a surprise! What a surprise!"
* "People are cumming around you."
* "Um I wanna just say to you that you are dressed like shit, you've got a terrible attitude, you were gossiping earlier, you're being very unprofessional, and I know for a fact that your desk is covered in both human and inhuman liquids that dried. And I think you should be ashamed of yourself! So I think we need to really decide: are we gonna be professional or are we gonna be ourselves?"
* [On the topic of the show being at a crossroads this week] "Do we keep doing the show? Do we keep doing the show as uh professionals? Do we just continue to half-ass it and do not- and suck every - I think we should probably do that. Cause you're not gonna change. I can see in the reflection of your glasses all the bikini calendars on your desk. And they're on there like a veneer. Kind of pasted on. Human wheat paste."
* "Babies don't need to blink, I thought."
* "So, you see, baby food is kind of a thing. Baby food! I mean, what's the - what's so confusing about that? You don't know what that -"
* "So you've heard of baby *food*, but have you ever heard of this? Have you ever heard of this? You've heard of baby food, but have you ever heard of this? Have you ever heard of this? This! Have you ever heard of that? You've heard of baby *food*, but have you ever heard of - You've ne- OK, well, that's a thing that happens in life, people love to talk about it, so here's a definition, I think we can use it in a sentence too, but this is food baby!"
* [In response to Drew saying global warming is number one of the world's top three problems right now] "Well, let's forget about that one. That's a given. The top three problems are that there's not enough food for everyone, the second problem is that there's not enough cute babies everywhere, and the third problem, ironically, is that there's overpopulation in the world."
* "So what I'm proposing is what if food babies were real babies?"
* "What's the problem? You don't like women in comedy?"
* "But my idea this week is that we use - if somebody says they have a Food Baby online, we send a Food Doula to their house, or a midwife, who will help them and coax them - we're gonna start ta- we're gonna start listening to people when they say what they ha- we're gonna actually start listening to people. They'll tell us, if they have a food baby, we're gonna coax them through it, we're gonna bring it to full term, and they're gonna give birth to a little Food Baby that is made of food and then it will be an edible baby, and it will sol- the Food Baby will - I'm no scienti- we're gonna work this out together, you and I!"
* "Every time a woman talks, Drew needs to talk over them. It's incredible. Does not pass the Globe Hell Test."
* "I mean, you take something that's an idea, and you dare to dream, and you dare to change the world, and then you solve hunger and the baby shortage and the population overage. You know, all in one go! An edible Food Baby. Free of charge."
* "What's your solution? You're saying you have an answer to my solution, which is probably the most arrogant thing you've ever said, in your life. So go on. What is it?"
* "Obviously there's still going to be traditional childbirth. I'm not talking about getting rid of um blowing seed into a egg."
* "*Juno* is about somebody who has a baby. And they talk about Food Baby in it. The clue- it's all there! It's all been there all along. I don't - I'm not claiming - unlike you, I don't claim to have all the answers, that's the thing! I don't claim to know what I'm doing. All I'm saying is, if people tell you they have a Food Baby growing inside them, believe them! And let's work together and get these Food Babies out of you, walking around, and every once in a while you can see a little - you can look at a playground and one of the babies is made of uh - has uh carrots for arms, and so you can take a little chomp out of him!"
* "Obviously I'm not talking about some kind of, like, uh va- vaginal food birth, that's disgusting!"
* "And by the way, these ones don't have souls, so it's fine. To kill them."
* "I'm not a woman, why are you talking over me?"

### Drew

* [In response to Josiah asking if you're supposed to be retaining all of your fluids] "No, just your cum and your shit."
* "No, you've gotta be tryin to keep that piss in as much as possible, and if you do um put it in the toilet, um don't flush it. Keep it in there all day til the end of the day, *then* you flush it. Wait until there's a big turd mound. But don't flush it if you have company over, because you want them to add their shit to the mound. You understand?"
	+ Note: It is unclear if Drew was joking or if he simply forgot about the ideas discussed in Episode 37: World Wide Wipes, in which it was decided we should only flush once a month, and Episode 60: "Flush": The World Wide Ice Berg, in which it was decided that all the piss and shit and cum and puke would become frozen in the pipes by a CO2 blast to create "Flush" The World Wide Ice Berg which will stop the sea levels from rising.
* "The only vermin I associate with is you. You rat! You rat!"
* "I'll shut the fuck up, then! I'll turn my microphone off."
* "Mhm. K, what's the point of this? You're showing me a woman feeding - pretending to feed a doll. She's pretending to feed a doll. Great. Great idea."
* "An age-restricted video, thank God!"
* "No, Josiah - I have to tell - I r- I - wh- I have to - I *hate* - I *hate* this - I *hate* this idea. I'm not playing devil, I ha- I -"
* [On the topic of a Food Baby] "This is gonna come out of your ass?"
* "Like, I'm not trying to play devil, I'm trying - I'm just trying to show you th- like - just the - from the very base level, from the very base of your idea, like the very *foundations*, it's just completely wrongheaded."
* "Well that's just means her s- her s- that's just her tummy! That's her tummy! Her tummy! It's in her - it's gonna come out as shit! It's not gonna come out as a baby! She's gonna probably spray diarrhea all over her doula."
* "Here's an easy, easy answer to your solution. Or, your problem. Here's an easy solution to your problems. OK? Some people will be eaten."
* "OK, there will be some portion of the population that will be eaten, there will be some portion of the population that will be made to resemble babies so that they would look like cute babies, um and that would be it! Some people would be eaten so you'd get rid of some of the population, some would be turned into babies."
* "You're really just talking about eating shit, aren't you?"
* "Yeah, well, no, it's gonna c- it's just gonna come out as shit out of your ass. Just like when you eat."
* "Nobody's problem is that they have a Food Baby!"
* "The only thing that I agree about with you today is that there aren't enough cute babies around."

## Trivia

* This is the second episode with the word "Food" in the title, after Episode 22: Food.
* This episode involves Josiah's second idea involving eating a shit byproduct, after Seconds from Episode 22: Food.
	+ Note: While Seconds involved going on the Dinder app to order Food made out of shit that went through a NASA shit converter, Food Babies will be food that come out of the third hole with help from a Food Doula and will be immediately alive and edible.
* This episode has two notably different episode titles between its audio and video formats. The audio version is titled "Episode 61: Food Baby", while the video version is titled "Food Baby".
	+ Note: The title used for this Globe Hell Warning Wiki page was chosen for its greater degree of clarity.
	+ Note: There is some precedence for excluding the episode number from the episode title, as detailed below:
		- World Wide High School
		- Episode 9: World Wide Landlord was originally titled simply "World Wide Landlord" but was renamed to include the episode number.
		- Bus
		- Episode 19: World Wide Rock Festival was originally titled simply "World Wide Rock Festival" but was renamed to include the episode number.
		- Episode 55: World Wide T'rain, which excluded the episode number from the episode title of the video version.
		- Episode 57: Faster Fashion, which excluded the episode number from the episode title of the video version.
		- Episode 59: Globe Hell Family Podcast Network, which excluded the episode number and included the word '(video)' in the episode title of the video version.