The Nexu And The Wolf Chapter Three

## Chapter Three: Loss of a father

One afternoon I was half asleep in my family's home, slumped over a datapad I'd been reading when the sudden absence of a life presence slammed into me through the Force. I spasmed like I'd been electrocuted. It felt like some being had stabbed me through the back! I tried to reach for my father through the Force for comfort as I had done so many times as a baby but only felt emptiness.

A wild, heart-rending howl filled the room, and anything not fastened down rattled ominously as the room filled with an unspeakable power… the power of a Force-wielder who has suffered a terrible loss.

The clatter of running feet, a banging noise and a muttered Huttese profanity preceded my mother half-limping half-running into the room. "Firmus! Your father. . . !" She didn't have to continue. The stabbing emptiness and pain told the story without her having to speak.

I started to shake, my eyes begging her to do something to stop the pain, stop the emptiness, bring him back. She burst into tears, moving to me and pulling me into a hug. I cried on her shoulder, winding myself around her as a young mynock would its parent. If something had killed me, I wouldn't have cared.

"Qui-Gon," my mother choked.

We were unsure how much time had passed, how many times the suns had risen and set. But my mother finally, gently disengaged herself from me. "I have to find food, honey." I grabbed the closest weapon to hand, a long vibroblade. "You're not going alone." I gently Nudged her through the Force.

My mother sighed. "Okay, Firmus. Come on. Let's go check the west dunes."

The door opened, afternoon sunlight nearly blinding us. But she knew where she was going. I held tightly to her hand as we walked, hoping with all hope that I wouldn't lose her as I had my father.

My full name ran through my head once, then another time, softer. I heard my father's voice, as though he were standing right beside me.

"Firmus Apollo Jinn, never forget who you are and what you can do. I've never left you and your mother, I never will. I love you. There are many realities in the universe, some of them quite harsh. One reality that is inescapable is that there is nothing more valuable than a friend. More than food, more than shelter, and more than weaponry, an ally can save your life.”

After a full afternoon and evening of hunting and gathering mushrooms that grew on the vaporators nearby, I could tell Mom was tired; I was just about ready to drop myself, but I knew we had to get home.

We managed to make it back home, but froze as we reached the door. The door was open and some creature or being had ransacked our small dwelling. I bared my teeth; gripping the vibroblade in both hands I ran into the house. . . to skid to a halt as I found myself surrounded by three armed Corellians.

One of them scoffed. "This little one's feisty."

"I'll show you feisty you piece of Hutt spit," I snarled. I beckoned with the blade.

"FIRMUS! Stop!" my mother yelled. In that one second I turned to look at her and took my eyes off my enemy. A leg sweep knocked my legs out from under me. Beside me, on the floor half under a table, lay Aemira's body. I screamed. Not terror, but primal fury.

"Don't hurt him!"

I didn't know which of us she was talking to and I really didn't give a kark anymore.

## Into Slavery

The threat of a blaster kept me passive, not because of my safety but because of my mother's. Our wrists were bound, mine in front of me, hers behind her.

My father's words ran through my head again: *Firmus Apollo Jinn, never forget who you are and what you can do. I've never left you and your mother, I never will. I love you. There are many realities in the universe, some of them quite harsh. One reality that is inescapable is that there is nothing more valuable than a friend. More than food, more than shelter, and more than weaponry, an ally can save your life.*

Stepping to the side slightly, I pressed myself up against my mother's side. Not to seek comfort, but to give it. Even though my hands were bound I reached out through the Force and hugged her. She looked down at me for a second; I looked back up. *Uma ji muuna.*

*Firmus, you're so like your father. . . . I didn't know when we named you how right the Force was in telling us your name. Firmus, latin for "steadfast"; Apollo, Hebrew for "destroyer" Steadfast destroyer. Destroyer of evil.*

"I'm a good mechanic, sir," I offered softly, keeping my head bowed and my eyes locked on my feet.

"What's your last name?"

"Jinn," I spoke in the same instant as my mother used her maiden name. "Piett."

There was a pause. "Piett," I echoed my mother. "Sorry, sir, my memory's bad."

"Firmus, could you fix a mouse droid for me?"

"Yes sir!"

Late in the night, I crawled from my blankets on the floor. Clad only in a pair of shorts and one of my father's big shirts, I wrapped one of them around my shoulders and slipped silently beneath the stars.

An icy haze scattered the light of the placid moon hanging overhead. I hurried from the hovel, wishing it would go away. The cold stones beneath my bare feet mattered not. There was no place to go, but I needed to get far away from the other slaves. I started running.

Tears streaming from my eyes, I ran until my lungs hurt. Where could I go? I slowed my pace and finally came to a stop. It was useless. I could not run from what I had done. I started shivering violently. I was dying from a cold within. Nothing could repair the damage I had caused. . . Unable to hold my grief, an agonized wail escaped from deep in my throat.

"Firmus?"

I whirled around. My mother reached for me but I pulled away and hid my face. She stepped closer to me. Again I backed away.

"Don't! Manu. . . you don't know what I've do-done. . ." I struggled to breathe. Lowering my head, I sobbed brokenly. My tortured eyes lifted to my mother.

Kaida quickly reached out and pulled me into her arms. I tried to escape, but she wouldn't let me go. "You miss him desperately and you can't tell me, or let anyone know how much you hurt. . ."

I held myself rigid but couldn't stop the tears. "You. . . you shouldn't comfort me. . . I don't deserve. . . I should have been better. . . should have been strong. . . should have been there with him."

Tucking a knuckle beneath my chin, Kaida forced me to look at her. "Firmus, you would have died."

"I should have. I should have died instead of Dad. I should have been there to save his life, to help him and I wasn't."

Kaida's eyes widened in horror. In the same instant, her hand flew to deliver a stinging slap to my left cheek. "Firmus Apollo Jinn, don't you EVER, ever say that again. . . ." She burst into tears and hugged me close to her.

I buried my face in her neck, shaking. 'But I'm the rea. . .' I started to protest through the Force.

She cut me off. 'No!'

I curled as tightly against her as I could