Hoover and Dulles

A completely BOGUS conversation between Hoover and Dulles.

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J Edgar Hoover: Let's have Lunch.

Allen Dulles: Lunch?

J Edgar Hoover: Yes. You, me, and lunch.

Allen Dulles: Are you asking me out to lunch?

J Edgar Hoover: Damn right.

Allen Dulles: Well, when and where? I am free at noon.

J Edgar Hoover: How about the Jockey Club on Capitol Hill? They have excellent seafood.

Allen Dulles: Excellent. See you at noon.

J Edgar Hoover: Looking forward to it.

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Allen Dulles: Well, what's on your mind?

J Edgar Hoover: Let's chat about this: Majestic.

Allen Dulles: I can't tell you anything about that.

J Edgar Hoover: You can't tell me anything about Majestic?

Allen Dulles: You know that I can't do that.

J Edgar Hoover: Let me ask you something. What goes on at Majestic?

Allen Dulles: I'm sorry, Mr. Hoover, but that's classified.

J Edgar Hoover: Are we talking about the kind of classified that's above top secret?

Allen Dulles: Yes, I would say that would be an apt description.

J Edgar Hoover: Let me just ask you this... If there is one person in the world who should be allowed to know about this, shouldn't that be me?

Allen Dulles: Well, I know you're very dedicated and trustworthy, but there are only so many people who can know about this.

J Edgar Hoover: How about the president? Does he know about it?

Allen Dulles: Yes, I believe the President does know about it.

J Edgar Hoover: Well then why can't I know about it?

Allen Dulles: Look, Mr. Hoover, it's just the way things are. I know it's frustrating.

J Edgar Hoover: No, you know what's truly frustrating? Having to live with a secret. I've been in the business of collecting secrets for nearly 50 years. I'd like to think I'm one of the few people in this country that understands how to keep one. You should let me in on this.

Allen Dulles: It makes me uncomfortable, but I guess, well, I guess since you asked for the benefit of the country and the safety of the world... I'll tell you, but this stays between us...

J Edgar Hoover: Good. What the hell is going on at Majestic?

Allen Dulles: We... the United States is secretly in contact with a race of friendly extraterrestrial beings, who have been on the Earth for at least 200,000 years. The aliens have been on constant contact with the United States government, from Washington to Pentagon to the White House for a number of years now. I have to tell you that, this is one of America's most heavily guarded secrets. It's so secret, that only a few top officials and myself know about this.

J Edgar Hoover: Jesus. And you think I'm too dangerous to know about this?

Allen Dulles: I don't know about "dangerous," but the information must remain absolutely confidential. Now you understand that you can't even tell your trusted staff about this.

J Edgar Hoover: I understand. So what exactly makes these guys "friendly"?

Allen Dulles: Well, you know there's a lot that we don't know, but I do know that they have not done anything hostile to our planet in all of the time they have been on Earth. They have not caused mass extinctions, they have not caused wars, they've done nothing. In fact, they've said to our scientists that they have a great interest in stopping war and preventing nuclear holocaust, because they're afraid it would affect their planet and make Earth uninhabitable.

J Edgar Hoover: I see. Do they look like us? Do they talk like us? Do they dress like us?

Allen Dulles: Well, in fact many of their characteristics are similar to people like yourselves, but they don't look exactly like us. We've been shown pictures of what they, well, say they look like, and they look surprisingly human. There are differences, you know, their skin is a little darker than our's, their eyes are a little larger, things like that. But they look surprisingly human. And the best way I can describe them, is -- if you were to put a human and one of them in the same room, with clothes on, you might not be able to tell the difference.

J Edgar Hoover: Okay. And the contact is only thru the U.S. government? What about Britain? The Soviet Union? Does the world know about this?

Allen Dulles: The only countries that have had contact with them, are the United States, Great Britain, and Germany. The Soviet Union is not aware of their existence, as they are not aware of our contact with them. The contact with these countries is very discreet, and only the highest officials know about our contact with them. There must be absolute secrecy regarding this. We cannot let Russia and China know anything.

J Edgar Hoover: I understand. When you say that these aliens have been on our planet for at least 200,000 years, where have they been hiding this entire time?

Allen Dulles: From what our friends the aliens have told us, they have spent a lot of time in the oceans. Also in places such as Antarctica. Some of the UFOs that have landed on this planet, were landed in Antarctica. There appears to be a lot of activity in the oceans, in the form of what some people might call alien "bases", and these things are in the deep oceans, and also in what's called "USOs." These are Unidentified Submerged Objects, which scientists are now starting to pick up on sonar.

J Edgar Hoover: So are you suggesting that the aliens have been here watching us evolve since the beginning of human civilization?

Allen Dulles: Yes. In fact, our friends have told us that they have been instrumental in helping humanity to evolve and progress. I know that might be hard for some people to swallow, but it is the truth.

J Edgar Hoover: So just how much have the aliens helped us? Who do you think invented the light bulb? or the wheel? or agriculture?

Allen Dulles: Our friends have told us that they have helped with many of these things. Some people might think this is heresy, but we believe that the wheel, agriculture, electricity, and a lot of other things, were all given to us by our friends from another planet.

J Edgar Hoover: So is this the reason why we have seen a massive explosion of technology and advances over the past century? Is it because of our contact with these aliens?

Allen Dulles: I'd say that's a safe assumption. Our friends the aliens told us that our recent advancements in technology, in computer, aviation, etc, are all because of their help and guidance to us.

J Edgar Hoover: Does this mean that the aliens had a hand in the creation of the nuclear bomb?

Allen Dulles: Well, our friends told us that they are aware of what we've been doing with fission technology, and they do not approve of us developing nuclear weapons. They are fearful that we might destroy ourselves and others by using atomic weapons, so we are under a lot of pressure not to develop these weapons. Our friends made it very clear that the development of such weapons is "one of their worst nightmares." So I must say I doubt they had anything to do with their creation.

J Edgar Hoover: Well let me ask you this. Since they are against the development of nuclear weapons, they must've been quite shocked by the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings during WWII. They must have been absolutely furious with us. How did they react when they saw us using atomic weapons in war?

Allen Dulles: In fact, our friends were horrified by our use of atomic weapons, and were terrified that we might wipe humanity off the face of this planet. However, they did not retaliate. They just watched us like "a train wreck in slow motion." They told us that they did not intervene simply because they do not believe in interfering with the internal affairs of other people, or planets. You know, they have some morals.

J Edgar Hoover: It sounds to me like if these creatures have guided us in so many ways, then maybe that's how we should refer to them from now on. Instead of "aliens," we should refer to them as "friends." How does that strike you?

Allen Dulles: I must say, it makes sense. When someone helps you and shows a strong interest in your progress, and you have a good relationship with them, wouldn't calling them "friends" be the polite thing to do?

J Edgar Hoover: Sounds fair enough. Now how often do we meet with our friends? And who exactly conducts the meetings? Are those meetings confidential as well, or are they held out in the open for the world to see?

Allen Dulles: Our friends prefer to meet with us in secret, although some of our senior leadership do know that these meetings do happen. I know there have been a number of secret meetings held at our Camp David facility in Maryland, as well as other places. These meeting are conducted by high-ranking officials, often at the behest of the President. From time to time, these meetings are also held at the White House. These meetings are never held out in the open for the world to see, as they are, of course, a national security issue.

J Edgar Hoover: Have you personally met with our friends?

Allen Dulles: Yes. I have met with our friends on several occasions. I don't see any reason to divulge too many of the details of those meetings, however, I will say that our friends' presence is very pleasant. They are friendly, knowledgeable and extremely intelligent. And they have a way with them that just makes you like them, for some reason. You just have to be there to understand this.

J Edgar Hoover: One last question, Director, before I let you go. What is the purpose of keeping the knowledge of our friends a secret? Why isn't it being taught in college textbooks? Why aren't children being taught about this?

Allen Dulles: That's because the people of this world are not ready for this information. They are not ready to accept the possible reality of aliens. Imagine the reaction if this information was actually taught in school curricula! We would have people calling it heresy, we would have people afraid of being invaded, we would have people not believing in it, and just chaos in general. This is something that must be carefully handled, and the knowledge of it should only be given out to a few members of the government at a time.

J Edgar Hoover: So there is concern that people would be scared of aliens and their capabilities?

Allen Dulles: Well, I think that's a safe assumption, Mr. Hoover. And just imagine the reaction if the information about our friends was made public. The governments all over the world would be in turmoil. It would disrupt commerce, it would disrupt travel. It would cause chaos in the world. This is why I believe the disclosure of this information must be handled with extreme care, and I think the present government is handling it in the correct manner.

J Edgar Hoover: You've been very kind to speak with me on this matter, Director. One final question: if the public found out about our friends, what do you suspect would be the ramifications? Would their be world peace? Would it be a good thing or a bad thing?

Allen Dulles: My personal opinion is that if this information was ever to become public knowledge, the world would be in better shape. That's why I think our friends are concerned. They have seen some of the things that humans have done to each other, they have seen the war and the hatred and violence, and they have seen our destruction toward our planet. If humanity were to accept this message, I believe we would begin to change. I believe that our friends are helping us to evolve. I believe that we, as humans, have a long way to go, and these beings are giving our world a great gift.

J Edgar Hoover: I tend to agree with you, Director. You've made some great points, and this conversation has enlightened me. I want you to know I can keep a secret, and I will let you know if I have any more questions about this, but I think we've covered most of the bases. Again, thank you very much for your time.

Allen Dulles: You're very welcome, Mr. Hoover. Remember, we must retain confidentiality on this issue, as it remains crucial to the stability of this world!

J Edgar Hoover: You can count on me, Director! This stays between us!

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