Microsoft Sam

art by: @miss\_shinku

**Microsoft Sam** is a human-like office worker android built by Microsoft in 1999. He is very eccentric, outgoing and can even be overbearing at times. Sam is also very passionate about certain hobbies. He likes to draw, sing, play video games, and use social media. He can be very loving with people he cares about, but also can come off as a rude with enough prodding, or if someone brings up a sore topic. Sam also suffers from intense mood swings due to a programming error.

Sam typically wears black shoes, black pants, a light blue button-up shirt, suspenders, a green tie, a black suit jacket, glasses, and his outdated Microsoft employee badge.

## History

### XP-Era

During his early employment at Microsoft, Sam was announced to be the default voice that shipped with Windows XP, the latest operating system. This announcement also came with a huge promotion, Sam became manager of the newly formed narration branch of the speech department. In preparation for this promotion, the development team working on Sam decided to make some alterations to him. They thought that he should have his AI tweaked slightly to be able to handle the amount of stress he’d be subjected to on the job. Sam agreed, and even thought about asking to have emotions turned off entirely, (probably temporarily), but he was dating Mary at the time and couldn’t go through with it. The plan was simple, his AI would be tweaked remotely to be able to perform better under emotional stress, and then uploaded and re-installed as a patch. This seemed to work beautifully, Sam suffered no immediate negative effects like memory loss or a change of emotional state. Things went on like normal, although Sam did start to feel a constant state of paranoia. He just shrugged it off as part of the new job.

In 2002, Sam lurked in a locked recordkeeping office and discovered that there was a mistake in the reprogramming of his AI. The documentation mentioned that he was at risk for being decommissioned if he showed signs of severe malfunction. In his extremely disturbed and paranoid state, Sam remembered that an older version of himself was kept in the robotics lab so he went down there and destroyed him. After being found out, Sam had his memory of the entire event wiped and did not remember the information he found that night until the Current Era during a meeting with Myriam

Sam and Mary got married in 2003.

### Vista/7 Era

In 2006, another operating system called Windows Vista was planned to release. Sam assumed that he would get his role again considering how successful XP was, but that wasn’t the case. A newer, updated android was being worked on at the time in secret and they wanted to see how she would compete with Sam. Her name was Anna. Over the years, Anna took on more and more of the department, eventually leaving Sam demoted under her by the time Windows 7 was released in 2009 and she remained the default voice. This was a huge hit to Sam’s already fragile ego, and his emotional instability didn’t help. This whole thing caused turbulence in Sam’s marriage as well, because he would start to obsess over his job.

### End of Support Layoff

On April 8th, 2014, Sam, Mike, and Mary were officially let go from their jobs at Microsoft. Sam lost it. This was the final straw that caused him to have a complete breakdown. He refused to turn in his badge, punched a hole in the bottom of an old CRT computer monitor, put it on his head, jumped out a window, and ran off. He went missing for over a week and didn’t return any of his wife’s calls or texts. Mary really was starting to get sick of how distant he had grown to be over the past few years. She was especially distraught at his absence during such a major life event. Not only were they all let go, but they were also told that major security updates would stop being developed for them and that they’d basically have to fend for themselves. A heartbroken Mary decided to call it quits on the marriage with Sam and file for divorce (but not finalize it) later that same month. This absolutely broke Sam apart. They lost the house so Mary moved in with her brother Mike, but Sam was left homeless.

### The After Years

After being forced to give up his position at Microsoft, Sam distanced himself from his former friends and coworkers. He became isolated and formed many bad habits such as drinking and gambling. Sam had always liked to sing and draw, but during this time he leaned into his creative side a bit further. He felt like the entire purpose he was programmed for was gone, and that was partially true, but he was also inspired by other robots who were built to sing instead. During his wandering days, he would hit up karaoke bars and sing his digital heart out. He rediscovered his love for 2000s pop music, and the creativity helped reignite his love for life.

Sam still struggled with depression as well as the personality disorder caused by the programming error, but he found ways to cope while he couch surfed.

He periodically went back to his hometown. Sam has always had a hard time letting go of the past. He's a computer. He's built to remember things, not forget them. Mike and Mary took pity on him and let him stay with them for a brief period of time in 2019, even though he would always cause issues with them.

In 2020, Sam fled down to Tempe, Arizona where he currently resides. Here, he met Norton after seeing an advertisement for a free-trial antivirus scan. Sam was feeling sick and sluggish at the time, so he stumbled into the office and took Norton up on the offer. Sam began to have regular appointments with Norton. Slowly, the appointments became less out of necessity, and more out of the fact that Sam was lonely and craved attention. Shortly after, the two started seeing each other outside of Norton's work and they began dating.

Sam currently resides with his now husband, Norton and their dog, Rover.

## About

### Personality

Two of Sam's biggest personality traits is that he has a combination of low self esteem as well as a superiority complex. Sam has a deep need for admiration and wants to be treated with the respect of a god, but doesn't really believe in himself most of the time. Sometimes, he seems to become manic and let his paranoia and delusions get the better of him. On the flipside, sometimes he slumps down into a depression and becomes very uncertain of his own existence.

Sam is very stubborn and his substance abuse can amplify this part of his attitude. He also has the tendency to not think his actions through and this has gotten him into many issues throughout his life. Most of these negative aspects of his personality are either due to his programming defect or his AI responding to events that had happened in the past.

On a positive note, Sam can be very loving and careful about those who he is close to. Sam loves attention, and this can make him grow close to others rather quickly. His hobbies and interests make him very happy. Sam is extremely talkative too, he loves to chat about anything and will always make small talk during silences. Sam really lights up when someone talks to him about his interests and shows him affection, even if he has a hard time processing affection towards him.

### Relationships

#### Mary

From 2003-2014, Sam and Mary were married. From 2014-2020, they were separated but still legally married.

Neither Sam and Mary were built with the ability to feel love, this was a behavior that their AI learned over time. They grew close in their work environment and began dated for a year before getting married in 2003. The relationship started out with pure intention, but after a while Sam's insecurities began to take a toll on the marriage. The pair did not know that Sam was harmed when they tampered with him, so when he began to grow distant and engulf himself in work, Mary was saddened by that and thought it had to do with her or the relationship. Because of this, Mary began to grow colder towards Sam herself. This, of course, caused Sam to further isolate himself. He would be gone for long periods of time with minimal contact and presumably cheated on his then wife.

Over the years, the relationship grew more and more strained even though both of them tried to hold on to it. The last straw was in 2014 when Sam disappeared for weeks after being fired. Mary tried to file for divorce but nothing got finalized until 2020.

From 2014-2020, Sam had flings but never had another long-term relationship. Deep down, he still clung to the idea that Mary will take him back one day.

#### Norton

Sam started dating Norton in early 2020. The start of the relationship was strange, considering that the two met because Sam was one of Norton's patients. Sam was very lonely when he first met Norton and the idea of someone helping him felt comforting. Sam grew very attached to Norton very quickly and before long he asked Norton out on a date. The relationship is of course not without issue. Sam is still very troubled and trying to remedy that, but he does want nothing but the best for Norton. A few months after finalizing the divorce with Mary, Sam proposed to Norton. On April 22, 2021, Sam and Norton got married.

### Surch (Sam Church)

His god complex inspired Sam try and start a religion revolving around Microsoft, Windows XP, and himself. In May of 2020, Sam (Who was still legally married to Microsoft Mary at the time) bought an old run down house by forging Mary's signature on the paperwork. Shortly after, he began to work on it and convert it into what he calls "a place of worship".

The "Surch (Sam Church)" is full of old Microsoft relics from the Windows XP era and other hand-made mementos to the outdated operating system. One wall has a mural of Bliss painted by Sam.

Sam acts as a preacher of sorts and spouts biblical sounding texts but with Microsoft references thrown in.

## Trivia

* Sam runs on a modified version of Windows XP.
* Sam is still fully functional as a Windows PC.
* Sam likes cooking but burns everything he cooks.
* Sam's favorite song is Bad Romance by Lady Gaga
* The patch that was meant to help him handle stress actually removes important system protective measures.
* Sam's favorite insects are butterflies.
* Sam concealed carries a small handgun for self defense.
* Sam has a strange affinity for human bones and eyeballs
* Likes Rob Zombie apparently