Sauce Squad - Transcript

￼

Chapter 27 - Sauce Squad

Angle on a massive hotel, zoom out to reveal Paul on a rooftop, watching it carefully

Paul

“Okay team, big mission time!”

He turns around to reveal Safety Ninja, Anne and Shade

Paul

“Malcom chose us for this elite mission. Our sources tell us that Ex-Lord is in that hotel, meeting up with some of the countries biggest criminals! It’s our job to get the info we need, and report back to Malcom! Roll call time! Safety Ninja!”

Safety Ninja

“Yep, I’m here”

Paul

“Anne Pencost!”

Anne

“\*clicks tongue\*”

Paul

“Shade!”

Shade

“That’s me! That’s my name! I LOVE THAT ONE!”

Paul

“Paul Proudfoot, oh wait that’s me!”

Safety Ninja

“Okay, looks like we’re all here! We all responded to yo-“

Paul

“W-w-wait, there’s one more... it says... P-Sauce? Which sounds like a vulgar something or other”

Crash noise, Paul immediately runs to investigate... to find P-Sauce sitting on a now broken bicycle

P-Sauce

“Aw... this was a new bike... oh yeah, sorry I’m late, I’ve never been here before! \*brief silence\* I’m P-Sauce by the way!”

Intro plays

Paul

“You’re literally a child, why’d Malcom ask you to help?!”

Shade

“To be fair Malcom’s childs help us all the time!”

Paul

“Big difference! Tiny sauce man, answer!”

P-Sauce

“After I applied, Malcom checked my background and said this would be the ideal first mission!”

Safety Ninja (Annoyed)

“Of course Malcom made your first mission a ridiculously important one!”

Anne

“Meh, we haven’t seen what P-Sauce can do! Show us your skills!”

P-Sauce

“Skills?! Uh...”

He falls onto his side, and starts rotating

Shade

“I can do that too!”

Safety Ninja, Anne and Paul all tell him to stop at once, which he does

P-Sauce

“Okay sorry... team name?”

Paul

“What?!”

P-Sauce

“A team name! How about... The Sauce Squad!”

P-Sauce anime poses, as a massive logo flies onto the screen

Paul

“This is dumb”

P-Sauce

“What’s the mission anyway?”

Paul

“Ugh... big hotel, bad guy inside, evil meeting, we need to collect evidence”

P-Sauce

“Oh okay... cool! SAUCE SQUAD UNI-“

Everyone else

“No!”

Shade

“I kinda liked it, not gonna lie”

Hard cut, hotel lobby. The Sauce Squad enters

Safety Ninja

“Ah, the Brickstone Hotel! Y’know, before I worked for Jameson, I had dreams”

P-Sauce

“Bro, inspiring! What kinda dreams?”

Safety Ninja

“Inspecting... this hotel...”

Anne

“Your dreams make me sad”

Saftey Ninja

“\*sigh\* me too”

Paul

“I’m going to talk to the receptionist, play it cool!”

Paul begins approaching the front desk

P-Sauce

“Totally cool”

Shade

“Yep, nothing suspicious about a scientist, a ninja, a shadow person, some edgy kid, and a green haired girl all asking for one room”

Receptionist

“Believe it or not we’ve had weirder”

Paul

“Yep, of course. We’d like a room, that preferably has like... five beds...”

Anne (standing awfully close to Safety Ninja)

“We only need four”

Paul

“Oh wow, real subtle”

Anne

“What?”

Paul

“Yeah, five beds”

Receptionist

“Only the master suites have that many beds, though those also cost a lot more, like a LOT more”

Paul

“All good, it’s not my money! I work for Randoms INC!”

Receptionist

“Oooooh... that explains a lot, well here is your room key, enjoy your stay!”

Paul

“Thanks, but we’re actually gonna stay in here for awhile”

P-Sauce

“Nothing weird about that, it’s a great lobby! Did you decorate it yourself?”

Receptionist

“No”

P-Sauce

“Yeah me too”

They all sit down on the sofa, and try to look inconspicuous... but fail gloriously

Paul

“Psst! Hey Shade, maybe you should... uh... transform? Human disguise?”

Shade

“But what kind? Edgy teen? Concerned parent? Distinguished businessman?”

Paul

“The second one.

Shade

“\*clicks tongue\*”

He transforms into a middle aged woman with a worn out look

Paul

“Perfect!”

P-Sauce

“Safety Ninja will still draw some attention th-“

Safety Ninja

“Let me stop you right there, I have a backup plan!”

Safety Ninja pulls out a newspaper, and uses it to block his face (the effect is ruined due to a massive hole so he can see out of it)

P-Sauce

“Whoa... genius!”

The front door opens, a tough looking guy enters, two bodyguards behind him

Paul

“Look alive people, it might be one of Ex-Lord’s clients”

The man walks up to the desk

??? (Russian accent)

“Hello there young woman. I am Gulag Sven. I’m here for the- uh- Secret meeting?”

Receptionist

“Ninth floor, room #138”

Gulag Sven

“Aye, thank you”

Bodyguard

“Are we seriously meeting up with this guy in a normal hotel room?!”

Gulag Sven

“No you idiot! It is a ballroom”

They go into the elevator

Anne

“Looks like we found the meeting spot! You wrote it down?”

Paul

“Heh, yep”

P-Sauce

“Guys, another dude’s coming in!”

They all act natural, as a skinny guy wearing a tuxedo enters

??? (British accent)

“I’m Peter Von Duster, I’m here for the secret meeting”

Receptionist

“Ninth floor, room #138”

Peter Von Duster

“That’ll do just fine”

He heads over to the elevator

Paul

“Okay... two clients, no problem! We got this cov-“

Someone else enters, this person makes everyone look shocked (except P-Sauce). Camera pans over to reveal Jameson Mameson

Paul

“Oh no...”

Shade

“Oh no...”

Safety Ninja

“Oh no...”

Anne

“Oh no...”

P-Sauce

“Oh no... just kidding I don’t know who that is”

Jameson walks over to the desk, professionally. Then he trips over the smooth wood floor and slams into the receptionist desk headfirst.

Receptionist

“Uh... can I help you?”

Jameson straightens himself out

Jameson

“Uh yes! I am here for the perfectly legal secret meeting WINK!”

Receptionist

“Ninth floor, room #138”

Jameson

“Perfect!”

Jameson runs over to the elevator, and taps the up arrow

Jameson

“\*evil chuckle\*”

He waits for like ten seconds, finally it opens

Jameson

“I’m gonna get me some weapons!”

He jumps in the elevator, then gets his hand stuck in the door

Jameson

“IT HURTS BUT ITS WORTH IT OWOWOWOW!”

Paul

“We should go”

Cut up to the Sauce Squad’s hotel room

Paul

“So once we head into that secret meeting room, stealth is the name of the game! Don’t be seen”

P-Sauce

“Got it, I’ll be invisible!”

Shatter sound

P-Sauce looks down, he knocked over a lamp with his hand

P-Sauce

“I meant to do that”

Shade

“Ye-ye-yeah of course buddy”

Anne

“What if we’re seen? What then?!”

Paul

“We’ll just have to be prepared for a fight, this is Ex-Lord! One of the enemies Malcom’s been most concerned with! So who’s ready to raid their parade?!”

Every mumbles in consent

P-Sauce

“Woo! SAUCE SQUAD!”

Cut down to the meeting room

The criminals enter, Jameson clearly the least professional of the bunch

Ex-Lord is sitting on a fancy chair

Ex-Lord

“Gentlemen, greetings and salutations. Sorry about the less than desirable meeting place, the mayor has stopped turning a blind eye to my crimes, and now I’m wanted again \*chuckles\*”

Gulag Sven

“We do not care, let’s talk business”

Jameson

“That’s my favorite kind of business, the business kind!”

Peter Von Duster

“What kind of weapons are you offering?”

Ex-Lord

“Well, let’s look at the bunch, shall we?”￼

He taps his wrist, and the chair opens up into a weapons rack

Jameson

“Ooooooooh! I likey that!”

Ex-Lord

“So, go ahead and take a look”

The criminals approach the weapons, except Jameson who goes straight to Ex-Lord

Jameson

“So Ex-Lord, all your weapons are good and all... but what I need is tad more.. complex...”

Jameson pulls out a slip of paper that has “explosion” crudely written on it

Jameson

“Now don’t be turned off by the complicated foreword, let me explain it in five steps!”

Ex-Lord

“You’re a disappointment”

Jameson

“Wa-what?!”

Ex-Lord

“Let me make it clear that I’m only helping you because I expect money out of it! Robert told me you were paying the big bucks”

Jameson

“Well... I mean... I have this?”

He pulls out the scepter half

Ex-Lord

“Hmm- PUT THAT DOWN!”

Jameson

“What?”

Ex-Lord

“That’s not- that’s a very dangerous weapon! You can’t just wave that around! That belonged to Warwick, Malcom’s greatest enemy!”

Jameson

“Y’know I’m kinda numb to it at this point, you’ll trade?”

Ex-Lord

“No. Leave!”

Jameson

“C’mon! I need help!

Ex-Lord

“So do I. Escort him out!”

Some mini robots come over and grab Jameson

CBot Mini

“Say your prayers!”

Jameson

“WAIT! I can make it worth your while... I have money...”

Ex-Lord

“Now we’re talking!”

Back with the Sauce Squad

Paul

“Okay, we’re on the ninth floor, looking for room #138”

Safety Ninja

“136, 137, 138! Oh no...”

Room #138 is guarded by Gulag Sven’s bodyguards

Paul

“Aw great, how’ll we get past them?!”

Anne

“I dunno”

P-Sauce

“Wait Paul, I have an awesome idea!”

Shade walks up to them disguised as a very evil looking guy (with a trench coat, wonder what he’s hiding in there)

Shade

“Good afternoon, I’m, uh, Doc Bandido! I’m here for the Ex-Lord meeting! Let me in, or I’ll disintegrate you!”

Bodyguard

“I like my molecules... go on on!”

They quietly enter, then duck into a supply closet

Paul

“Okay, we’ll get all the info we need in here!”

P-Sauce

“This is gonna be great!”

Anne

“Yeah, great plan P-Sauce!”

Safety Ninja

“Seriously man way to go!”

Shade

“Yeah!”

Everyone turns to Paul

Paul

“Oh c’mon, if I thought for an extra five seconds! Whatever, let’s get that evidence!”

He drops a little spy device. It scuttles out from under the closet door and parks under Ex-Lord, Jameson and the other crooks

Jameson

“Oh look, I have a hundy!”

Ex-Lord

“$100? For my elite weapons made from the finest of materials? Yeah, go higher!”

Jameson

“Umm-“

Gulag Sven

“Hey Exy, how much are these?”

Ex-Lord

“(To Jameson, scathingly) I’ll deal with you later. Coming Sven!”

Jameson

“Apparently my life is one big practical joke... the worst part? It’s hilarious!”

Zoom out, Ex-Lord and Gulag Sven are right next to him, they heard everything

Gulag Sven

“Forget evil! You might consider therapy!”

Jameson

“Therapists are just cultists who aren’t creepy- I mean are way more creepy! How do they stay so calm? It’s unnatural!”

Ex-Lord

“Sven? The weapons?”

Gulag Sven

“Oh right”

Back in the closet, with the Sauce Squad

Anne

“I’m getting itchy and annoyed, it’s so cramped!”

Paul

“Don’t worry, we just have to stay here until the crooks leave, then I check my spy device and we give it to Malcom”

P-Sauce

”I love happy endings!”

Shade

“Me too!”

Anne

“Well let’s just hurry it up, this sucks!”

Paul

“We are going the natural speed!”

P-Sauce

“Quick question, should we be this loud?”

Paul

“Uh... probably not no...”

Cut outside, Peter Von Duster (criminal from earlier) is looking at the closet suspiciously

Peter Von Duster

“Hey Ex-Lord, should your closet be talking so much?”

Ex-Lord

“It shouldn’t be talking at all... open it...”

Back inside

Paul

“They’re opening the closet! We’re gonna get cau-“

He falls down a hole

Paul

“Hey!”

Shade

“PAUL?! WHERE’D YA GO?!”

The door opens

Baron Von Duster

“Eavesdroppers? That’s not allowed”

Ex-Lord

“No, it isn’t... just tie them up for now, I’ll deal with them later... actually that one’s a shapeshifter”

Ex-Lord shoots Shade with something, that paralyzes him

Shade

“Agh! My non-existent bones!”

Ex-Lord

“You three are gonna have one heck of a time! \*chuckles\*”

Pan down, revealing a manhole behind Shade, Safety Ninja and Anne, go even further down to reveal Paul and P-Sauce standing in a small hallway

Paul

“Who puts a manhole in a closet?!”

P-Sauce

“Y’know me and my dad stayed in a hotel like this once. Apparently there are tons of secret passages so employees can get from floor to floor quickly. Given that closet up there was filled with food, I assume this passage is linked to the kitchen”

They begin walking, eventually ending up in a wine cellar

P-Sauce

“Yo! Sick wine cellar, looks expensive! What’s the next course of action, boss?”

Paul

“Hmm... well, it’s probably safer to go to the kitchen, then head back to Randoms. We’re gonna need reinforcements!l

P-Sauce

“Wha?! But the Sauce Squad was captured by Ex-Lord! Who knows what he’ll do to them!”

Paul

“I know it’s bad, but it’s too risky! With Malcom’s help we can own this!”

P-Sauce

“Don’t you believe we can? You’re the head of science at Randoms INC! And I’m... P-Sauce... \*sigh\* you’re right... I’m not ready for a big mission like this...”

Paul

“What? I never said-“

P-Sauce

“You’ve been saying it the whole time! I’m not an idiot!”

Paul frowns

Paul

“I was harsh, I admit... but as a man of science... I have to admit my own mistakes... and Y’know, I’m gonna trust you with rescuing the other members of the- \*sigh\* Sauce Squad”

P-Sauce grins super wide

P-Sauce

“Well I’ve already cooked up a little something!”

Back up, Ex-Lord’s finishing off his deals

Ex-Lord

“Pleasure doing business with you!”

Jameson

“What business?! YOU DIDN’T GIVE ME JACKSQUAT!”

Ex-Lord

“Pleasure doing business with the businessmen”

Gulag Sven

“Ah you charmer!”

Peter Von Duster

“Anytime!”

Jameson

“Ouch. It would seem I’ve been verbally assaulted”

Paul bursts in

Paul

“EX-LORD! I’M HERE TO TURN YOU IN! YOU’RE GONNA HEAR FROM MALCOM SILVA, OF RANDOMS INC!”

Ex-Lord

“\*chuckles\* yep, I’m absolutely petrified”

He pulls out a dagger and ray gun

Ex-Lord

“Let’s get this over with!”

Paul pulls out his ray gun and the fight plays out. Paul shooting, Ex-Lord dodging, vice-versa. Until finally Ex-Lord is punched by Shade

Ex-Lord

“What?!”

P-Sauce freed the others

P-Sauce

“Heh, I freed all the prisoners!”

Ex-Lord

“NO!”

Gulag Sven and Von Duster run out

Von Duster

“Pleasure doing business with you!”

The other criminals hastily follow, except Jameson, as he noticed his scepter lighting up again

Jameson

“It’s working?! \*gasp\*”

Ex-Lord gets cornered

Paul

“It’s all over, you’re gonna answer to the law now!”

Jameson

“Ex-Lord! Duck down!”

Ex-Lord obeys, the energy beam knocks the Sauce Squad through the wall. They fall into a pool on the balcony below

Anne

“How fancy is this hotel though?!”

Paul (on a duck floaty)

“Hey P-Sauce, you’re a smart kid! Kinda remind me of me”

P-Sauce

“So like the coolest guy ever?”

Paul looks touched at this

Safety Ninja

“So... shouldn’t we go back up and capture- oh wait...”

They notice a vehicle flying off

Paul

“Eh, so what if we missed him this time? Many times ahead of us!”

???

“HEY!”

Everyone turns, the person staying in this room has seen them

Person

“WHAT ARE YOU BOZOS DOIN’ IN MY POOL?! I-“

Hard cut to Ex-Lord’s hideout, the vehicle lands inside

He and Jameson exit

Jameson

“Look, I-“

Ex-Lord

“Stop... I’m impressed!”

Jameson

“BUT I- wait what?”

Ex-Lord

“I always thought you were just a joke, nothing to be taken seriously. But that scepter, I’ve seen this, it’s being powered by your own emotions! You got angry, and it fired another beam! Quick, what makes you angriest?”

Jameson

“Malcom, my family, Randoms INC?”

Ex-Lord

“Then how about we raise a freaking army and storm the tower?”

Jameson

“You serious?!”

Ex-Lord

“Oh yeah, what do you say... partner?”

Jameson

“Heh... I say, LET’S TAKE DOWN THE PURPLE MAN!”

They shake hands, a brand new HUGE threat has just been created...

THE END