TRP: Goro and Luci (Cleric Pep Talk)

[Setting: Day 343, the castle grounds.]

Goro hadn't taken Amari up on her offer to turn the back of the Eldath shrine into something for Mask. Still seemed a little too unusual for him to imagine. Which didn't mean he wasn't gonna, just that he needed to figure out how to do it properly.

He walked into the woods close by, pretending he was a traveler, so he could simulate what'd be like to step out into the clearing and see the little wayside shrine to Mask waiting for him there. That just got him distracted, though, wondering who the fuck would be passing through these woods, and why. And like maybe he oughta do something to beef up the security around the grounds.

Alright, Voronin, focus. He walked a little deeper into the trees, then turned around and started back out.

IZZY

When he got close to the shrine again, he heard a quiet sound -- it was coming from the gap where there used to be a statue, where certain people had been known to hide.

It sounded like someone trying very hard to cry without being heard.

LINA

Goro froze. Since he had trespassers on the brain, his first thought was that some motherfucker had taken up residence in his mother's goddamn shrine, and was gonna have to be dealt with. Fuckin' Amari, though, she'd be like, Oh, I'm so glad they found a place to shelter while--

Then he realized the more likely scenario was that it was someone from the castle. He cocked his head, listening, trying to figure out who. Goddamn, though. He shouldn't be intruding on a private moment. He made some loud shuffling footsteps and coughed so whoever it was would realize he was there.

IZZY

The crying continued, still choked and muffled. There was a little shuffling from the alcove, like whoever was in there had scooted back to avoid detection.

LINA

Ah, jeez. He was pretty sure he knew who it was, even though he'd never heard her in that state before. He stepped closer to the alcove. "Uh, Luce? That you? You okay?"

IZZY

There was another muffled sound.

Then, quietly, Luci said, "N-No. I'm not."

LINA

Well, shit. Goro scanned the area, checking for someone or something that might've fucked with her. They looked to be totally alone, though. He chewed his lip a second, then climbed up to peer into the alcove, leaning back a little to give her space. "What's going on?"

IZZY

Luci was pressed against the back wall, as far as she could get. Her face was hot and tear-streaked, and she was wrapped around her staff for comfort. She sniffled and regarded him for a moment.

"I should've ..." She trailed off, sniffing again. There wasn't much sense in should haves. It was all done, now. It was over. "I ... don't have ... magic, anymore." Her voice broke. "I'm not a cleric anymore."

LINA

"Eh? What?" He started to climb into the alcove, paused, then went ahead and got in. He wrapped his arms around his knees. "What are you talking about?"

IZZY

"I mean no one's listening." She sniffled again and hid her face. "When I pray, no one's listening."

LINA

"Uh." Goro hadn't been expecting that, and he had no clue what to fucking say. He'd never heard of that happening before. "Shit."

IZZY

Luci kept crying, her shoulders shaking.

LINA

This was the kinda thing Goro would normally want to go consult with Amari about, but she'd fuckin' graduated him, and shit. Probably didn't know anymore than he did.

"And you don't know... why?"

IZZY

She made a miserable sound. "I -- I mean ..."

LINA

He raised his eyebrows. "You do know why."

IZZY

"I should have ..." she started again, and stopped again. She shuffled in place, pulling her knees tight against her chest and resting her chin on them, looking off to the side. "I ... Everything was going fine. I've been ... praying to Eilistraee, and ..."

One more time, she faltered, then sniffed and took a breath.

"I thought that -- I might lose my magic when I turned away from Eldath. I didn't, though. Everything stayed the same, except I prayed to Eilistraee instead. I -- tried to do it right. I did. I did ... everything right. By the books." She drew her shoulders up. "I never felt ... called to her, though. I never felt her presence. But my magic didn't waver, so I assumed ..."

LINA

Goro frowned, tilting his head to the side. "Huh."

He glanced out at the shrine, wondering if maybe Eldath had kept giving Luci magic for a while. A grace period. Seemed like an Eldath thing.

He looked back to Luci. "'Never felt her presence.' Kid, that ain't by the book. That's not normal cleric shit."

IZZY

"I know," she said, dejected. "But it was ... working."

LINA

"I don't think it was." He felt a little guilty for being so blunt, but hey, this was Luci.

IZZY

"Mm." She hid her face again. "I don't know what to do."

LINA

"You got a mentor, or anything? Someone else who follows Eilistraee?"

IZZY

She shook her head. "When I realized I couldn't follow Eldath anymore, I -- I did research." Because that was what Luci did. Always. "I read about ... dozens of deities. And I ... I picked Eilistraee because she -- she's a healer, and a protector, and ..."

Well, there were other things she liked about Eilistraee -- she loved music, and life, but was melancholy, and something of an outsider -- but they were superficial, if she were being honest with herself, and with Goro. She had been telling herself it would all be fine. Finally, Luci had been able to lie, if only to herself.

"I think -- part of why I picked her was her obscurity," she said softly. "No one could tell me I was ... doing it wrong. That I wasn't really a cleric of Eilistraee. I suppose I knew."

LINA

"Hm." Goro let one of his legs dangle out of the alcove. He looked out over the lake for a minute, just trying to let some time pass in silence. Amari did that shit a lot.

"Y'know... there's always those assholes saying you don't choose to be a cleric. Your god chooses you. It's trite as fuck, but." He looked at her again and shrugged. "Maybe it's fuckin' true."

IZZY

Luci was quiet a moment.

"There's something else," she said hesitantly.

LINA

Ah, shit. No, no, it was fine. Pretend to be Amari. All calm, detached but in an interested way. "Yeah?"

IZZY

"I -- a few days ago. You -- you know the spell detect thoughts? Mishka can cast it."

LINA

Goro blinked a few times. "On you?"

IZZY

"No, no," she said quickly. "No. I cast it. Without -- meaning to. I didn't know I could. I just ... did it. And then -- without meaning to -- um. There was a man in a tavern in town, and he wanted me to go outside with him, and I -- heard what he was thinking, and I told him to go home to his wife. Which -- he did. I didn't intend to cast either spell, but it was as if I'd suggested it. I don't ..." She chewed on her lip. "I don't know how."

LINA

Goro covered his mouth, pretending he was wiping it for some reason. "Mmhm?"

IZZY

She winced at him. "There's nothing else. That's it."

LINA

He dropped his hand. "Well, that's... that's pretty fuckin' weird."

IZZY

She nodded. "Mm."

The should have was that she should have told someone earlier. She should have talked to Goro or Amari and hoped that they could help her -- that they would. She'd felt her healing magic flag, and continued to lie to herself and insisted it would be fine. And now it was gone entirely.

She sniffled again and dropped her face to her knees. "I don't know what to do," she said again.

LINA

Goro frowned, thinking. He tapped his fingers on his knees.

He glanced at her. "Hey. Hey, it's alright." He reached out to pat her forearm. "I got some ideas. You wanna hear 'em?"

IZZY

Luci nodded.

LINA

"Are you a motherfucking bard?"

IZZY

She sniffled and looked up at him blearily. "What? No. I don't ... I doubt it."

LINA

"Eh, you know, just checking. Bards can do shit like that. Read people's minds and make 'em do stuff." He kept his hand on her arm, since she hadn't shaken him off yet. Maybe it was comforting. "Alright, theory number two. Y'know how clerical magic doesn't always gotta be spells? Sometimes a god's just like fwoom, this is my body for a minute, and we're gonna do some magic."

IZZY

"Yes." The way he phrased things always puzzled her, but she had learned to understand what he meant.

LINA

"Maybe some god's got their eye on you, and they were doing that. That's... how it happens, a lot of the time, I think. People getting chosen by their gods. It's how Mask chose me."

IZZY

"Oh." She looked down for a moment, thinking. She had read about clerics and paladins being chosen by their gods -- it just hadn't happened to her. She'd grown up surrounded by Eldathyns, by Eldathyn worship. Until very recently, following any other god had never occurred to her. Being selected by a god was alien.

She opened her mouth, taking a breath, then closed it. Now that she thought about it that way -- now that she allowed herself to, because she wasn't afraid of losing her magic (losing everything) --

"How did it ... happen. How did Mask choose you. How did you know," she asked.

LINA

"Eh, was back when I lived on the streets still. Long time ago." He ran a hand through his hair. He could give her a more sanitized version, but--nah, this was Luci. She probably didn't have any illusions about street life. "I robbed a guy. A sorcerer. I was a scrawny kid, and I was quick, but wasn't anything I could do to protect myself against magic 'cept run and hide.

"And that's what I did. But that motherfucker--I couldn't lose him. He trailed me right into a dead-end alley. This is where it gets weird. You know I wouldn't bullshit you on something like this, right?"

IZZY

Luci knew that Goro was an excellent liar, but she was also fairly certain he'd never once lied to her. "I know."

LINA

"Yeah so, there was a bunch of garbage and crap in this alleyway. And one of the things on the ground was, wouldn't you know it, a mask. And I got this feeling--... so, I've heard some people say their god spoke to them. You know, like Joan, she says she heard Io's voice one day, calling her. Seems like it's real common, hearing a voice, or seeing a vision. But I didn't get either of those. Didn't need it. You know I've always been about those gut feelings." He grinned and patted his stomach.

"Crazy strong feeling though. Utter fucking certainty that I needed to pick that mask up and put it on. So I did. And, well, you know how I can do this?" He reached into his pocket, grabbed his amulet, and made himself vanish.

IZZY

"Certainty," Luci repeated faintly, to the spot where Goro had been.

LINA

Goro snuffed back to being visible. "Listen, uh... I know how you are, with the books and the research and shit. It's fuckin' great. Don't ever change. But... we're not wizards, Luci. We don't learn magic from books. You gotta--you gotta be in tune with your god." He hadn't meant to use that metaphor, but now that he said it, it seemed like a good choice. Luci was a musician, so maybe it'd--hah--strike a chord with her.

"You gotta... do less reading sometimes, and more listening. Stop thinking and start feeling. Not all the time. Just when thinking's not working anymore."

IZZY

She nodded slowly. He was right; she knew that. She had once felt in tune with Eldath, but her true self was no pacifist, and she was realizing that now. Something else must be calling to her.

She only had to allow herself to listen.

Luci shifted onto her knees and leaned in to hug Goro tight, briefly. "Thank you."

LINA

He hugged her back. Goddamn, he wished he was that easy to cheer up. "Sure thing. You, uh... you ever heard of a god that can make people read minds?"

IZZY

"Several." She pulled back and collected her staff, swiping her sleeve over her eyes. "Um. I'm going to go ... pray, I think. I'll -- I'll talk to you later?"

LINA

"Yeah. 'Course." He gave her a quick wave and hopped down out of the alcove. Started back for the castle, in case she wanted to use the shrine or this area of the lakeshore.

Goddamn, though, a god that could let you read minds and make people do shit. Good thing it was Luci getting picked by this god, and not the vast fucking majority of clerics he'd known. Spooky.