Episode 1

Image by Katrina Hajowyj

## Episode 1 - The Power of Roy Keane

In our first loop we meet a cat, a man with lots of pockets who likes eggs, a rich snob on the run and more!

## Cast

Eddie O'Keeffe as the DM

Emmy Bashforth as Sweet Potato

Oli Ryder as Ashley Deveraux

Alex O'Keeffe as Our Ste

James 'Bacon' Heyes as Cameron De Hells

Reece Wilson as Ricky T. Knees

Gemma Grange as Felicity Huntington-Budgens III

## Loop 1

### Pre-Loop Set Up

#### Do-Over

A coin is flipped to see whether or not the players earn a do-over of events. The DM will only accept the first person's call.

The person who called the coin was Gemma, and they called **Tails**.

The coin did in fact land on **Tails**, so a do-over was earned.

#### Weather

The weather is determined by two dice rolls. One (D4) for which type of weather, and one (D20) for it's intensity.

In this loop, the weather was a Rainy, 1.

### The Game Starts

#### The Morning Begins

Ashley Deveraux woke up before anyone else in the house with a terrible cough, but saved herself from dying.

The rain drips down on a lazy Sunday morning as Ashley coughs her way to the kitchen, looking for a lozenge. Our Ste rolls out of his bed wearing the same clothes from the night before. Sweet Potato, without the braincell, struggles a little to get out of his bed and keeps walking into the furniture. Cameron puts on his clothes and follows shortly, before asking Mother whats for breakfast.

Cameron searches for eggs, to which Mother claims there is none in the house. Felicity is trying to contact her parole officer, and checks Twitter to see if Kier Starmer is out of hospital, but he is dead.

Ricky T. Knees is sleeping in because he had a late shift the night before. Unfortunately, this sleep was actually him being dead from Polio.

#### Inside Ricky T Knees’ brain:

Sora from Kingdom Hearts was there to tell Ricky to wake up. He then changed into Bianca from Eastenders for some reason and asked him to avenge her apparent death. None of this made sense.

Ricky T. Knees jumps out of bed with the Grandpa Joe buff. Mother says her catchphrase ‘I’ve got a little task for you’ and is insulted no one seems to give a shit. She elects Cameron De Hells as leader of the gang because he is the only one who spoke up. Mother asks the group if they have anything to say, clearly hoping the group will ask questions about the Task or the environment they’re in; instead Our Ste asks if she has any change, Ricky asks if she has any orange juice and Felicity asks when the cars picking them up. Sweet Potato then chimes in with “I’m hungry!”.

An unfair 20 was rolled because Sweet Potato mentioned he was hungry 3 times, but he passed. Ashley asked how everyone was related to Mother, she claims she found Sweet Potato as a kitten, playing with an egg that belonged to Cameron De Hells, her favourite child. Our Ste, his best mate, came to stay one day and never left. Mother has no idea where Felicity came from and Ricky T. Knees is her ex husband. Mother claims her name is just Mother but Ricky states it’s a kink thing. This is what established Mother as perpetually horny for the rest of the series. Mother forgot to mention Ashley and stated “i think you’re my mate I guess, I don’t know.” Felicity tries to find her baccy, which Sweet Potato mistakes for catnip. Sweet Potato rolled a 14 against the DMs 13 so didn’t die. Mother, feeling generous, gave everyone £3. Cameron took Sweet Potato’s share as he doesn’t have pockets, unlike Cameron who has loads.

Sweet Potato jumps into one of Cameron’s pockets so he can be carried around. Ashley is desperate for a cigarette and wants to go outside for some ‘fresh air’. Ashley implies that the cigarette is ‘not for everyone’ - possibly a reference to her younger days. Mother goes to the living room to have a lie down.

Ricky remembers that he has the house keys in his Chili’s bottle of orange juice, which he keeps in there for some reason, he drinks his orange juice to get the keys loose and successfully gets the keys out and everybody leaves the house.

#### Everyone leaves the house

Our Ste slams the door, thinking he has locked it, but it hasn’t. The DM clearly states ‘the door has shut’ but not been locked.

```
“Glad we got into the specifics of the soft locking door” - Gemma, after a long discussion about shutting the fucking door

```

Sweet Potato is scared of the road and doesn’t want to cross, whereas Felciity is more worried about getting her expensive shoes wet. Ricky decides to cross the road, but everyone else stays. Ste almost follows Ricky, but then sticks with the group as the majority are staying where they are. Ricky takes a risk and decides to walk across the road. He gets run over by a car, but doesn’t die.

```
“Right … good as new..ish” - Ricky, after being run over by a car

```

```
“His careers over, he’ll never dance again” - Ashley's response to Ricky getting run over

```

Cameron decides to go help Ricky on the other side of the road. He safely crosses the road and stupidly asks ‘Are you alright? You seem to be having a rough day so far’. Cameron decides to check his pockets for leftover eggs, but rolls a 1. He realises he hasn’t had eggs in days and becomes hungry.

```
“You should’ve had some of that tobacco when it was on offer” - Sweet Potato

```

```
“I wouldn’t be telling him what to eat when I’m stuck in his pocket” - Ashley

```

Sweet Potato does not understand what Ashley means and remains blissfully unaware. He rolls a 7 and does not gain the braincell. Ricky, Cameron and Sweet Potato are standing by the alleyway. The camera focuses on the other group and Ste goes to cross the road. He rolls an 8 but the DM gets a 16. Ste gets hit by a car but uses the 16 to unleash The Power of Roy Keane - he explodes but still survives, however he does shit his pants. He starts crawling to the other side of the road.

Felicity refuses to stay with ‘a poor old woman’ and uses her good sense of smell to detect traffic to safely cross the road. She rolls a 13 but the DM gets a 4. Felicity matrix moves around the cars and arrives at the other side unscathed. Ashley reveals she told Will Smith to not do The Matrix.

The group then hear a thud in the distance. The crossing lights stop working which worries Cameron as Ste is still lying in the middle of the road. Ste stands up as he was just pretending to be hurt because Ricky was earlier. The group tell Ashley to join their side, but Ashley refuses to cross because, as she rightly points out, there was no need to cross the road in the first place. Sweet Potato questions where the thud came from but is ignored. Ste considers going to the shop down the alleyway, but Sweet Potato states that Mother wants a scratch card from Budgens. The gang eventually decide to head to town, very slowly as Ste and Ricky were hit by cars.

#### Walking to Town

Cameron and Sweet Potato complain about being hungry. Ricky is happy everyone is walking at his pace because ‘of the old P Diddy’ and states the car was ‘the best thing that ever happened to me.’ A police car drives past and Felicity reveals that the police don’t know she’s out on parole, as her dad paid someone off. Sweet Potato, hearing the siren, falls out of Cameron’s pocket. Felicity is hungry for meth. The camera pans over to Ashley who is having a wonderful time reminiscing to herself.

Ashley goes to have a cigarette and then correctly denies an unfair 20 because she DIDN’T smoke it, and decides to quit smoking.

```
“OH JAFAR!” - Ashley

```

The gang notice Ashley talking to herself, pretending to smoke and shouting JAFAR!. Our Ste thinks she’s finally gone senile.

```
“You still don’t wanna come over?” - Cameron

```

```
“Yeah, Jafar away!” - Ste

```

```
“...What?” - Ashley

```

Ashley sadly cannot hear what they’re saying nor can she see them, her senses are almost gone and doesn’t join them. Our Ste rolls a 5 vs the DM’s 20 and his injuries catch up with him. Ste collapses and dies, his final words being “...I think that’s it for me mate. Just gonna have a sit down.”

Sweet Potato decides to strip the shirt off of Ste so they can use the power of Roy Keane if needed. Felicity is not fussed either way. Sweet Potato gets himself stuck inside the shirt, which stinks of BO and shit. Cameron tries to free Sweet Potato and instead gets stuck inside the shirt with Sweet Potato. Ricky attempts to free them both from the shirt, and also gets stuck inside the shirt. Felicity is filming the whole thing for her TikTok. Sweet Potato, thankfully, manages to rip the shirt up and frees everybody. The shirt still has The Power of Roy Keane despite being in pieces. Cameron ties the shirt up as a bandana for Our Ste. Ricky decides it’ll be a good idea to try and harvest Ste’s knees for himself. What he does instead is cut off his own legs. He still has Polio, but he now has sad, stubby legs. Ricky decides to climb into one of Cameron’s pockets because he can no longer walk. The DM states that he cut his legs off from the knee below, Bacon then stupidly asks "does he still have feet?"

Cameron De Hells is ‘beyond starving’ at this point, and hints that he may have to eat Ricky. He asks Ricky if he can ‘have a nibble on your legs’. One of the neighbours, seeing all of this happen, quickly shuts their curtain. The group decides to take Ricky’s old remains so that there is no evidence. They refuse to do anything to Ste’s body, partly because it’s covered in shit. Felciity lies down next to the body to hide from a police car. Inside the police car, three people are in the back, having been arrested. Ashley wanders off on her own and walks into traffic. Somehow, she arrives at the other side unharmed. The group then head into town.

#### The Roundabout

The traffic is very busy and everyone crosses the road as a group.

Everyone makes it to the first half of the road, except for Ashley, who dons a blindfold and lights a cigarette before a car runs her other. Her last words are “I’m ready for my close-up, now.”

Felicity gets a DM from her friend Minty on Twitter, who says that they have snitched and the police are aware of where she is. Ricky T Knees tries to do the Lower Wanted Level Cheat from San Andreas, but as it isn’t the PS2 version it doesn’t count. The group walk together to cross the second half of the road, Felicity trying to hide in the middle of the group; however it is very obvious that she is there. Everyone safely crosses the road on the right side of the roundabout. They notice Ming’s Takeaway is on the other side of the road. Sweet Potato is desperate to eat fish so the gang cross the road. As Sweet Potato starts crossing the road, a car runs him over. His last words are “meow.” Felicity is hit by the remains of Sweet Potato and she reveals her allergies, which explode her face. Her last words are “it’s better to die of allergies than with poor people.” The police, unaware she has died, are still searching for her. Ricky and Cameron enter Ming’s Takeaway.

#### Ming’s

Ricky and Cameron meet The Takeaway Officer, a sad man who works at Mings. Ricky orders himself a battered sausage, portion of chips and an orange juice. The takeaway, whilst a little run down, does have a 4 Star Hygiene Rating. Ricky laments that at some point in the future, everyone will die, before asking “How far away are we from Budgens?”.

Cameron notices that there is a police station by Mings and notices that there’s a Budgens delivery van down the road, before inexplicably going Northern. A police car pulls up outside and look at the bodies on the floor. They make some notes and corden off the area. The Takeaway Officer returns with their food and receipt. He doesn’t give them their change and refuses to. He then tricks Cameron that he owes them £3. Leaving the takeaway, Ricky eats his food, and his legs grow back! He still has polio, sadly. Cameron notices the legs and eats them. He then swallows Ricky whole because he got so hungry and Ricky dies. His final words are “aahhh, aahhh, what you fucking doing to me?!”. The door of Ming’s slam shut and the blinds shut, as the Takeaway Officer screams in terror.

The police arrive because they were tipped off from The Takeaway Officer about what just happened. Cameron tries to run away, but gets winded immediately and throws up. He is surrounded by police officers, one of them questions what he’s been up to. Cameron pulls out his receipt as proof as to where he was, but drops it and it blows away. He pushes police out the way to grab the receipt, and is then questioned about eating human.

```
“I got the receipt that says I havent” - Cameron

```

```
“I..thats not how receipts work, sir.” - Police Officer.

```

Cameron admits to eating legs, and tries to bullshit his way out of it by saying he was given permission, which is still illegal BACON. Cameron gets arrested by the police and spends 90 years in Prison, but gets let out after 70 years, unfortunately Mother passed away during that time.

Cameron’s last words are “do you know what? It did taste a bit like eggs…”

The loop ends.

### Deaths and Revives

* Ricky T. Knees was the first player character to die in the game, due to his polio. He was later awoken by Bianca from Eastenders.
* Our Ste then got run over by a car, and died shortly afterwards because of his injuries.
* Ashley Deveraux was run over trying to cross the roundabout.
* Sweet Potato was hit by a car trying to get to Ming's, and his remains killed Felicity.
* Cameron De Hells got hungry and ate Ricky T Knees.
* Mother eventually died of old age whilst Cameron was in prison.

## Quotes

* “You’re only as old as the woman you feel, that’s what I said to Jeffrey … BRIDGES.” *- Ashley Deveraux, Loop 1*
* “Theres nothing for breakfast until you can do your jobs for me, I say” - *Mothers first words in the show.*
* “My self driving Tesla killed Kier Starmer” - *Gemma Grange*
* “Now you’re just like everyone else with Polio” - *Gemma Grange*, *just after Ricky T. Knees died.*
* “Let me just put my shoes on” - *Our Ste*
* “Lets just go to the shop and get this stuff for Quasi-mumdo” - *Our Ste*
* “Oh my god is he hurt, someone give him GDPR or something” - *Felicity*
* “They always leave me.” - *Ashley* *- After everyone crosses to the other side and leaves her alone*
* “So many memories .. none of them good” - *Ashley*

## Trivia

* Mother's voice sounds slightly different from how it does in later episodes.
* This is the first episode that Eddie edited
* Episode 1 was recorded 11 years after the death of Wellard the Dog on Eastenders.

## Gallery

The Group walking to Budgens, being guided by the one who watches over them