Return To Porta City - Transcript

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Chapter 49- Return To Porta City

Angle on Randoms Tower, Malcom’s RV pulls up. Paul looks out the window, and sees them

Paul

“AGH! SHADE, ALERT EVERYONE! THEY’RE BACK!”

Shade

“Got it Paul!”

Shade zooms off screaming “COOL DUDES ARE BACK” over and over again

Cut down, all the employees run outside to greet the Silvas. They watch the RV pull up

Paul

“Right everybody, ready? Here we-“

The Silvas (and Ricardio and Laura) all clamber out, looking tired and disappointed

Paul

“Oop-“

Shade and P-Sauce start singing a loud annoying song, ridiculous happy

Paul does “cut it out” gestures, as the Silvas just stare at them

P-Sauce and Shade finally catch on

Shade

“Not a good time”

P-Sauce

“Sorry about that... hi Lily!”

Lily

“Hi P-Sauce!”

Safety Ninja

“You guys don’t look so good, did it go well?”

Malcom

“No, it didn’t. I’m gonna host a Randoms Elite meeting, come on Ricardio”

Ricardio

“Got it”

They run off

P-Sauce squeezes Lily’s arm

P-Sauce

“Why’s your... ‘you know what’ here?”

Lily

“Oh, she’s starting to redeem herself”

P-Sauce

“Oh... wait what...”

Tim looks around, awkwardly

Tim

“Wow... we really did waste our time didn’t we?”

Sally

“I know right!”

Alex

“That wasn’t a waste of time! We know who Ex-Lord is now, plus... uh...”

Tim

“That’s it?”

Alex

“We got some new allies?”

Tim

“Mmmm”

Alex

“Okay, fine... whatever”

Sally

“At least we’re home now! We can relax for awhile!”

Hard cut up to the Randoms Elite Meeting Room, everyone is gathered, besides Sally

Malcom

“We can’t relax! We must crank up defenses on Randoms Tower! Ex-Lord has weapons I never imagined. We take no chances, we have to fight for Randoms Tower!”

Tucker

“Bit much?”

Jessie

“Zing!”

Intro plays

Angle on the TV, a commercial is playing

Speaker

“It’s that time again! A new mayor of Porta City will soon be elected, if you want a name you can trust, vote Professional Blond Man, he’s really great!”

Tim

“Whoa, I didn’t know he was really great!”

Alex

“He was not, he was actually awful”

Sally

“Yeaaaah, not great...”

Tim

“Oh c’mon! Name one bad thing he did

Brief montage of different acts Professional Blond Man performed on stage

Professional Blond Man

“Now I know what you’re thinking... more streets! I mean, right? What do we have, 250? I’m bored!” “I’m legalizing 90% of previously illegal drugs for no reason in particular, shut up!” “Uh, something about a pandemic? I’m just gonna roll with it... but more furiously!”

Cut back

Tim

“Wait, how long has he been in office?”

Sally

“Three years too long”

Tim

“Hmm...”

Cut to the cafeteria, Tim, Lily, P-Sauce and Shade are sitting together

Tim

“So yeah... I’m kind of out of things to do...”

Shade

“Existential dude, like that time I realized that hamburgers used to be cows!”

Tim

“I wasn’t the only one bothered by that? Thank gosh!”

P-Sauce

“Well... never mind...”

Lily

“What is it P-Sauce?”

P-Sauce

“Uh, nothing! Heh, just... we’re fine!”

Lily

“Mmm”

Tim

“So anyway, what are we gonna do?”

P-Sauce

“About... what exactly?”

Tim

“My search for purpose!”

Lily

“We’re really doing this?”

Shade

“Hey man, I’m not one to judge, I get it!”

Tim

“So anyway, where we going?”

Shade

“I dunno, if all else fails you could check the paper ads?”

Tim

“Paper ads eh? I could probably get through that...”

Shade stretches his arm out, grabs a newspaper, and hands it to Tim, who reads intently

Tim

“Hmm... this makes me feel old”

Lily

“You are seventeen, you’ll be a legal adult next year”

Tim

“GAH! DON’T SAY THAT!”

Lily

“Trust me, it’s not that bad. I’m nineteen remember?”

P-Sauce

“I’m seventeen. Wait, is our thing legal?”

Lily blushes

Lily

“It’s... probably fine... and if it’s not it will be next year, so-“

P-Sauce

“I was joking Lil”

Lily blushes harder

Lily

“I know! So was I, ha ha... haaaaa...”

Brief silence

P-Sauce

“Okay... love you!”

Lily crumbles to the ground

P-Sauce

“She’ll be fine”

Tim keeps reading, and suddenly his eyes widen

Tim

“Of course! It’s so simple! I gotta go!”

Shade

“Get it girl!”

P-Sauce

“Good luck home dawg!”

Tim runs off

Lily gets up, woozy

Lily

“Eeeuuuugh...”

P-Sauce

“You wanna get dinner tonight?”

Lily collapses again

Shade

“Stop flirting with her! You’re gonna kill her!”

P-Sauce

“Yeah good point... dang it...”

Hard cut to Professional Blond Man’s office

Professional Blond Man

“Gah! Have you seen the poll numbers?! We’re getting eaten alive out there!”

Pan over, revealing his assistant Shorty

Shorty

“It’s actually more like we’re already dead”

Professional Blond Man

“Gah! That’s not better! You get that right??

Shorty

“Yeah...”

Tim bursts in

Tim

“MR. MAYOR! I saw the ad in the paper... \*pants...\* uh, the... you need a campaign manager?”

Professional Blond Man looks surprised

Cut to the Randoms Elite Meeting Room

Malcom

“So, the security measures? Tucker, you think you can provide some kinda magical- Tucker?”

Tucker is asleep, Jessie glances at him, then suddenly gets anxious and shakes him awake

Jessie

“Tucker, bad time buddy! BAD TIME!”

Tucker wakes up with a snort

Tucker

“Huh? What’s going on? It was probably Ricardio’s fault”

Ricardio

“What did I do to deserve this? Nope, never mind, I heard myself”

Malcom

“Tucker, I was asking if you could provide magical defense for the tower? Because of Robert Eager and Jameson?”

Tucker

“Oh, Robert Eager? He’s involved”

Malcom

“What?! You- HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN ASLEEP?!”

Sally enters

Sally (sing song)

“Time for a meeting, gonna talk about funding! Gonna talk about funding!”

Malcom

“So Tucker, the defenses?”

Tucker

“Yeah, I can do something”

He plops back asleep

Malcom

“Jessie?”

Jessie

“He’s been busy... doing something that you don’t need to know about”

Malcom

“Something safe? Not evil... I still don’t fully trust him”

Jessie

“No no, it’s nothing deadly”

Malcom

“Mmm”

Cut to Tim and Professional Blond Man

Professional Blond Man

“You’re a little young to be my campaign manager... is this even legal?”

Shorty

“I think it’s probably fine”

Professional Blond Man

“Mmm, yeah...”

Tim

“So I’m in?!”

Professional Blond Man

“Uh, sure kid! You’re in!”

Tim

“YES! I won’t let you down!”

Professional Blond Man

“I mean, that’s not super reassuring, but... I guess it’s fine...”

Tim

“So, mister Blond Man, what exactly is causing you to be awful?”

Professional Blond Man

“I think it probably started in my childhood-“

Tim

“No, I meant in the polls”

Professional Blond Man

“Oh, uh... I guess I technically wasn’t great at being mayor”

Tim

“Mmm”

Professional Blond Man

“And, uh... I did throw some people in prison, shut down a few businesses, and am actually now infamous for being the worst mayor Porta has ever had...”

Tim

“Wow... uh, OH! Y’know what we need? A commercial!”

Professional Blond Man

“A what...”

Hard cut to Alex and Paul watching the news

Anchorman

“And now, the mayor has a new campaign ad, let’s take a look at it now?”

The screen transitions to Professional Blond Man dancewalking through the halls

Professional Blond Man (singing)

“If you wanna mayor that you can trust, someone who’s handsome and just, just vote Prfoessional Blond Man!”

Backup singers (Tim, Shorty, and a couple others)

“You guys should vote Professional Blond Man!”

Professional Blond Man (singing)

“What they said! I’m super duper awesome, and now my votes will blossom, this song was written by Timothy Silva! (Normal) Vote for me!”

Cut back to the anchorman

Anchorman

“Wow... that was legitimately awful... I’m disgusted”

Pan back to Alex and Paul

Alex

“Tim, what have you done”

Paul

“This isn’t gonna end well, no...”

Hard cut back to Professional Blond Man’s office

Professional Blond Man

“TIIIIIIM! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!”

Tim

“Uh, look, I know this seems bad... but, uh... we can still pull through! I know we can! Maybe if we-“

Professional Blond Man

“No Tim, we aren’t doing anything! YOU ARE GOING TO DO EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO MAKE ME WIN! And, uh, and if you don’t... I’ll... I’LL SHUT DOWN RANDOMS INC!”

Tim

“You can do that?!”

Professional Blond Man

“Of course I can! After the voting results are announced, I’m still in office for a few weeks, I WILL USE THAT TIME TO CLOSE YOUR COMPANY FOR GOOD!”

Tim

“Okay, okay! You’ll win! You’ll win!l

Professional Blond Man

“Oh! I better! Tomorrow is the final debate, prepare me some talking points! Go!”

Tim

“Yes sir!”

He runs off

Hard cut back to the Randoms Elite Meeting Room

Jessie

“So wait, if Ex-Lord is planning a raid on Randoms Tower, than why was he worried about the Eye of Agoro?”

Malcom

“Uh... good question!”

Sally glances at Malcom

Malcom

“I’m sure it’s... no reason in particular...”

Sally glares at Malcom

Malcom

“Just like... the Eye was destroyed, on the island... last New Years Eve... nothing to worry about!”

Sally continues glaring

Jessie

“I see...”

Tucker

“Hey! I trust that Malcom destroyed it! He wouldn’t lie to us! He’s a firm believer in honesty, right guys?”

The other Elites nod, except Ricardio

Ricardio

“Believe what you want, I personally think he’s giving us a load of heck”

Malcom

“Come on! Of course you’d think that”

Ricardio

“No, I KNOW that!”

Malcom

“How?”

Ricardio opens his mouth, realizes he’d give his position as a double agent away, then sits down

Malcom (smugly)

“Mmm”

Cut to City Hall, Professional Blond Man is reading his notes

Tim

“You’re gonna be great!”

Professional Blond Man

“Oh, I better be!”

Tim

“Everything is gonna be okay”

Professional Blond Man walks onstage, and his opponent (Some tired looking, darker skinned guy)

The moderator looks up at them

Moderator

“No lies, no interrupting, you get it”

Professional Blond Man whines quietly

Moderator

“Question one... thoughts on the rising crime rates in Porta City, Professional Blond Man, you first”

Professional Blond Man looks at his notes

Professional Blond Man

“Uh, crime is bad. I could invest in more efficient law enforcement”

Moderator

“How much?”

Professional Blond Man

“I dunno, like thirty bucks? That’s enough right?”

Rival Candidate

“If I may, I’d be willing to spend thousands!”

Professional Blond Man

“Uh, that’s too much, I can’t afford that! I need another statue of me-“

Tim (corner)

“Stick to the script! We don’t do improv around here!”

Professional Blond Man

“No! It’s ridiculous! Why would I values safety over immortality?!”

Hard cut to Safety Ninja and Anne, leaning on the couch

Safety Ninja

“Whoa, I have all this anger all the sudden, I don’t know what to do with it!”

Anne

“Let’s make out”

Safety Ninja

“Too angry”

Anne

“Meh”

Cut back, to Professional Blond Man

Professional Blond Man

“I’m done with this!”

He stomps off

Moderator

“It was literally the first question... ugh, okay then... so, I guess we’re done here?”

Rival Candidate

“Woo!”

Cut back to the Randoms Elite Meeting

Malcom

“So you’ve all got your jobs?”

They all mutter in consent

Malcom

“Good! We’re gonna make this the most secure tower anyone’s ever seen! Meeting dismissed!”

They all get up, Jessie teleports away, Tiny Turret flies off, Ricardio walks through a door in the corner, Tucker summons up a piece of his hedge, and crawls inside

Sally

“Okay Malcom, explain?”

Malcom

“Explain what?”

Sally

“Why didn’t you tell them about the ‘you know what’ which was stolen?!”

Malcom

“Sally! They’d fire me on the spot! I had one job, and I blew it!”

Sally

“Look, I know it seems bad, but they should know! They’ll find out once we’re attacked anyway!”

Malcom

“I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it!”

Sally

“Malcom-“

Malcom

“End of discussion, let’s go to bed!”

Sally

“MALCOM!”

Malcom walks out, without another word

Sally (hurt)

“Mal- okay...”

Cut back to the debate

Professional Blond Man walks backstage

Professional Blond Man

“So I lost...”

Tim

“Yeah... uh, maybe we can-“

Professional Blond Man

“No Tim, it wasn’t fair of me to let you rope yourself in my egomania... just go home kid, it’s fine, I won’t hurt your company”

Tim

“Oh... uh, but now I have no purpose again... great...”

Professional Blond Man

“Uh, but like aren’t you... a paranormal investigator?”

Tim

“Er, yeah?”

Professional Blond Man

“So just... continue? You’re young, I’m sure the time will be right eventually”

Tim

“Oh... uh, cool! I guess you’ve got a- y’know got a point... um... guess I better be off then? Right... uh... bye...”

Tim turns and starts walking off

Professional Blond Man

“Oh, uh... by the way... thanks for trying... I know I’m difficult sometimes...”

Tim smiles

Tim

“No problem!”

Tim walks off, content

THE END