Episode 235 - Testing

## Intro

**Episode description:**
n/a

**Opening Quote:**
Cam: You're not gonna turn into a Rakshasha, are you?

**Player introduction:**
Sean: Hello and welcome to another episode of the tabletop champions podcast, I'm Sean your dungeon master and with me tonight we have Matt who plays Cyrus...

Matt: I'm the sexy one now.

Sean: Ben who plays Kallas...

Ben (in Kallas' voice): Greetings.

Sean: Lauren who plays Dagna...

Lauren: Why was the werebat scared to fly outside? Because every cloud has a silver lining! Aaaahhhhhh!

Matt: Boooo.

Sean: Stephanie who plays Boone...

Stephanie: Ahoy-hoy.

Sean: And Kyle who plays Cam.

Kyle: Dios mío, no es bueno.

## Episode Summary

The episode opens with Empyreans cheering the party after Dagna's performance. The cheering subsides, Dagna greets them, and an Empyrean comes down the stairs to talk to them. They introduce themself as Galaris, and say they've been waiting for the group. Gods came, leaving a chamber for them. Dagna asks about freeing the giants, and Galaris knows nothing. The party asks about Kri'zakth, and whether they could defeat him relatively permanently. Galaris says it is possible, but don't know how. Dagna asks about the nature of this place. Galaris gives them a demonstration of the malleability of this realm, transforming into the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland, then into a Rakshasa, filling the room with puppies, and finally turning into an old woman on a sofa, smoking a long pipe. Galaris stresses that time does not exist here, and reminds Cam of his book from last episode. He goes to read it, and the rest of the group decide to party. The room transforms into a modern day bar, and the group gets drinks, burgers and fries in exchange for a gold coin. Cam eats his burgers while reading his book, and at the end of it he feels much more knowledgeable. The party is returned to the puppy room, and Cam's book is gone, with no one else able to recall it at all.

Galaris takes them to a doorway with the same words as the pillars in the last episode. The door opens to reveal a room with a stone table and bench on either side of the room, and a stone table with chairs at the end of the room. Boone attempts to go to the head table, but her walking gets her nowhere. She sits at a side table, and a sconce lights behind her. Cam sits on the table, to no effect. Cyrus, Dagna, and Kallas also sit, with sconces lighting behind them. After another attempt to go to the head table, Cam sits at a side table. A sconce lights behind him, and candles and lights appear throughout the room, lighting it completely. Cam stands up, not affecting the process. Blue spiritual forms appear at the head table: a 14 year old girl, a 30 year old man, and a 65 year old man. The oldest says they are manifestations brought by the gods to set forth trials.

Servants bring out appetizers, bringing food to the men of the party first, then bringing smaller appetizers to the women. Boone and Dagna are indignant, but bide their time. When the man asks for a prayer, Dagna prays to Jazirian demanding why this injustice was done. The word "Spirituality" appears on her wrist, disappears, and is replaced by a white ankh. The man asks if she is dissatisfied at being served differently, and she says yes. The word "Justice" appears on her wrist, then is replaced by green justice scales. The man apologizes, and the women's food is replaced by food identical to the men's.

The 14 year old demands a story of their adventures, and Dagna tells the story of the battle of Jildos. When asked about their sacrifices, Cyrus says he just did what was right at the time, and Kallas says he is not willing to betray his friends. Cyrus receives the word "Humility" on his wrist, which transforms into a black shepherd's staff, and Kallas receives the word "Honor" and then a purple chalice on his.

The 30 year old demands entertainment next. Twenty people in rags and chains walk out and line up between the tables. The 30 year old offers the party a choice: choose one to kill, sparing the other 19, or choose none, and they will all be killed out of sight. Cyrus suggests killing no one, and when the man does not respond favorably, challenges him to a duel. The man refuses, and orders the people out to be killed. Kallas shoots one with his crossbow. The man summons the image of Brenna with an arrow through her head. Cam attempts Revivify, but nothing happens. The man demands justice for the murder that was just committed. Boone takes out her black and gold potion, drinks the black half, and pours the gold half down Brenna's throat, to no effect. Cam says he refuses to play. The man throws down an executioner's axe. Boone shouts at the man, saying he is the guilty one. The girl says they are not the ones, and Boone grabs the axe. Kallas is dragged as if shackled towards a chopping block that suddenly appears. Dagna and Cam try to hold him back. Boone throws the axe at the head table, and the girl rebukes her in Jazirian's voice. Boone demands an explanation from Jazirian, and the figures repeat that they are not the ones. The chopping block disappears, and the word "Compassion" appears written on the floor. It is replaced by a heart, which rips in half and disappears. The 30 year old man tells them to calm down, and that one failure does not mean failure overall. Boone takes the executioner's axe back to her seat.

The 60 year old man says he could use some comfort. A bed appears with a dying man calling for Cam. The party does nothing. Dagna perceives it's his dad, and Cam says none of this is real. Eventually the bed disappears, and the word Honesty, then an open hand, appears, is ripped in half, and disappears.

Cyrus rebukes the manifestations for their cruelty. They respond that the adventurers must prove that they have these virtues. Cyrus argues that they have already proven their values living their lives. He wants the gods to give them the weapon without the tests. They say they are the last vestiges of the gods themselves, and when the party leaves this room, they will cease to exist. The girl tells Boone in the voice of Jazirian that they are here to test their virtue, that that is how their power manifests.

They ask for someone's fondest memory. Cyrus tells the story of him meeting Kallas and Brenna, and them accepting him as a warlock. The memory disappears, and he receives the word Sacrifice, then an orange tear. They ask if anyone else has a happy memory. Boone volunteers a happy thought, and asks if that's good enough for Jazirian. Jazirian says her happiest memory was choosing Boone, and thanks her. Dagna asks what happens when they're gone, and Jazirian tells her that is up to them, and wishes them luck. The old man, who Cyrus recognizes as Bahamut, tells Cyrus to protect all of them.

As the gods leave, the lights go out, leaving the hall as they found it. Boone, screaming with anger, hacks down the door with the executioner's axe. Outside is a field with some sheep. Floating in front of them is a window that leads to a stone room.066

The party examine the marks on their wrists. Cyrus' Sacrifice mark gives him one use of True Resurrection as a free action. His Humility mark gives him two uses of Legendary Resistance. Dagna's Spirituality mark gives her Mass Heal. Her Justice mark gives her one use of Meteor Swarm. Kallas' Honor mark gives him one use of Time Stop.

Boone discards the axe and goes through the window. Inside are two doors, one with a lock painted on it, and a pile of bloody wool in the corner. Boone tries the door with the lock painted on it, which is locked. She tries the other door, and it opens to a large courtyard. It appears to have the beginnings of a hedge maze. The rest of the party make their way through the window and join Boone. Everyone hears Grifto's voice in their heads, saying, "Ooh, this should be fun! The final battle's about to commence!" There's a ripping sound, and they are back in the sheep painting.

## Memorable Quotes

Stephanie: I should have never played Trial by Trolley with you this weekend, you piece of shit!

Cyrus: I am no hero. I am just here to do what is needed to save my loved ones and my friends.

Jazirian: My happiest memory was choosing you, Boone.
Boone: Choosing me for what?
Jazirian: My steward. Protector of mortals. Hero of the realm. You have been a shining light in the darkness that can be the mortal plane, and I thank you for that. When I am gone I will not remember you, but in this moment right now, I want to thank you. Thank you.
Dagna: What - what's going to happen when you're gone? \*whispers\* I'm sorry Boone.
Jazirian: That is up to you. All of you.

Sean: You did play it true to yourselves.
Lauren: We did.
Kyle: They wanna know who they're getting -
Stephanie: Shitty as fuck.
Kyle: They wanna know who they're getting, this is who they're getting, sorry.

Stephanie: You know what, whoever, like, painted that lock, I feel like they made a good decision. They were really smart.

## Trivia

Stephanie got a reminder to read the book at 8am and was very confused, and Kyle got a reminder at 9:00 that "I need to be to Denver".

Cam leveled up after reading the book, and the party gained the benefits of a long rest from the meal at the bar.