DW Card Bios Feedback

***The 5th Doctor (Peter Davison)***

The 5th Doctor is an incarnation of the Timeless
being named The Doctor, this version usually wears a beige or cream suit with a
piece of celery attached to the suit for some reason, its unknown if its real
celery that he swaps out before they go off or a plastic replica, he is seen as
the most calm and kind of The Doctor’s incarnations but is also referred too as
the most bland by some such as his 6th form, he is a big fan of the
Earth sport Cricket.

He regenerated in the presence of Adric, Nyssa and Tegan; it
was an unstable regeneration so they went to Castrovalva to relax only to
encounter The Master before starting his adventures by encountering The 7th
Doctor, the year 1016, the planet Vaga, the 1950’s, the Rutan Host, The Mara,
17th Century Mississippi, Toymaker, shouting statues, Houdini and a
1925 Cricket game.

Next The Doctor’s companion Adric dies with the Dinosaurs
because of Cybermen and Tegan leaves and re-joins a few times followed by
encounters with Daleks, Saturn, Shayde, Omega, Turlough, River Song, Black
Guardian and Kamelion. The 5th Doctor regenerates from poisoning
after giving the only antidote to Peri.

(200 Words)

The celery shouldn’t
occupy that much.

“5th” Doctor
etc. is always just “Fifth” Doctor

In general, I don’t
think we get to know the Doctor all that much here.

Here’s a
great description of him from the wiki:

The Fifth Doctor was
fond of cricket and wore a stick of celery on his
lapel that he used as a safety precaution for his allergy to certain gases in
the Praxis range of the spectrum.  After a difficult regeneration, this Doctor
displayed energy, compassion, and innocence not seen in his predecessors. His
character was very human and vulnerable. Like them, he used improvisation as
the best way out of a tricky situation. The Fifth Doctor was the first
incarnation since the First Doctor to go "hands-free" and forgo the
usage of a sonic
screwdriver after
having it destroyed. He occasionally wore glasses, even
though he didn't need them; he only wore them to make himself look clever. He
was the first Doctor to sacrifice himself for another, when he and Peri Brown were
dying from spectrox toxaemia; with
only one dose of the antidote available,
he gave her the cure rather than taking it himself.

Now that I think of it, it might be
better to use this as the basis for a new text. It’s only 157 words, so you
could add a bit more to it if you want.

**So new task: Rewrite this**
paragraph so it says almost the same, but with our own touch.

***The Healing Beam (Technology)***

The healing beam is a medical device that could treat
post-operative shock, open wounds and internal haemorrhaging most likely
invented by Time Lords as The Doctor in his 6th incarnation used one
to save human pilot Hugo Lang who was dying after his Starfighter was shot
down, crashing on the desert planet Titan III, according to The Doctor it is
more effective than a Laser scalpel.

(66 Words)

Great, but you need to work on
grammar. Will edit your texts in the next round of feedback so they are easier
to read. J

***The 9th Doctor (Christopher Eccleston)***

The 9th Doctor is an incarnation of The Doctor a
Timeless being this version usually wears a leather jacket. He was emotionally
exhausted and filled with sorrow as well as showing anger and regret often however
he often hide this by acting goofy as he spends more time with his new
companions however he eventually becomes a little better emotionally he was
also sometimes accidently uncaring in certain situation.

After he regenerated he lost his memories of saving
Gallifrey and losing his memory of the event The Doctor starts his adventures
alone, saving a family from the Titanic, meeting Churchill 3 times and fighting
a Cyberman.

Then The Doctor fights the Autons and the Nestene and gains
companion Rose Tyler. The 9th Doctor’s adventures after that include
Earth’s destruction, 1869 ghosts and a WW1 football game, The Slitheen, a
single Dalek, Adam Mitchell, Rose’s red bike and father’s death during a time
paradox with Reapers, The Empty Child, meeting Captain Jack, a Soviet base, a
werewolf in future Vegas, a world shaper, The Doctor’s fans, Gargoyles, Mickey
Smith, Jackie Tyler, UNIT, Sin-Eaters, companions Ali, Tara Mishra and Lynda
Moss. He regenerates after absorbing Bad Wolf from Rose to defeat Daleks.

 (200 Words)

Same feedback as for the Fifth
Doctor; you’re focusing too much on irrelevant points that tell WHAT he did,
but not WHO he is.

Example from the wiki:

§  The Seventh Doctor was a
keen strategist and scientist and,
especially early on in his life, lighthearted. This Doctor was a planner of the
highest order. Embracing the complexities of time travel and
his ability to manipulate and plan for the future, the Seventh Doctor fully
embraced his role of Time's Champion, even if it risked alienating his
companions. However, he wished to help heal psychological scars from which his
companions suffered. It was at this point the Doctor began looking towards his
own origins from the Dark Days of Gallifrey, realising he was far more than
just another Time Lord.

This is only 100 words, so lots of
room to add a bit of bonus info.

***Nukeball (Game)***

Nuke Ball is a popular but illegal sport of the species
known as The Judoon, a Rhino-like alien race from the planet Judoonia, the
sport was outlawed to avoid killing all life on their own planet, sometimes
beings will still play the game illegally resulting in destruction sometimes to
entire planets or even solar systems making the game not worth the risk as of
course the players would all die if the game went wrong.

The Doctor and Amy Pond end up playing a game with
Terraphiles from the future (which included Judoon members) facing against a
team of pirates lead by the crossover character Captain Cornelius from the
novel series The Condition of Muzak, The Doctor and Amy end up having to try
win the game fairly while also making sure the game doesn’t wipe out a solar
system and find a traitor on their own team who is trying to sabotage their
chances, at one point The 11th Doctor travels to another universe
without the negative effects shown during Rise of the Cybermen.

(175 Words)

Very good – though grammar could use
some work. Where/how did you find all this extra info?

***The Foretold (Enemy)***

The Foretold is an ancient soldier that looks like a mummy
due to the bandages used to care for his wounds; he is trapped near a scroll (flag),
he has the ability to teleport and can only be seen by the person he is trying
to kill which takes 66 seconds. His victims appear like they have had heart
attacks and he kills by touching the head and absorbing energy from them in
order to gain sustenance, his abilities actually come from malfunctioning
technology which includes keeping him out of phase and alive while he
decomposes he always kills the weakest person first.

5000 years after that The 12th Doctor encounters him
on space train The Orient Express, he and Clara Oswald team up with Professor
Moorhouse who knows a lot about The Foretold and Maisie Pitt, after more deaths
The Doctor uses the Triage method to find out who the next victim is he defeats
The Foretold by saying “we surrender” causing him to turn to dust. After that
The Doctor finds out the computer Gus was built to study The Foretold. Later the
Foretold appears in the TARDIS; it is unknown how or why he came back?

(199 Words)

Good, but a bit more “feeling” would
be nice.

***Truth or Consequences (Game)***

Truth or Consequences was a TV game show similar too Trivial
Pursuit in America based on a child’s game called Forfeits hosted on NBX Radio
as well as TV networks CBS and NBC starting in 1940 and ending in 1988 with
many hosts throughout its years, contestants had two seconds to answer a trivia
question if they got the question wrong their consequences were to perform a
wacky stunt or some kind of strange task, the show had an ending catchphrase “Hoping
all your consequences are happy ones” The show was eventually cancelled.

It was revealed that a town in New Mexico named itself Truth
or consequences, According to Clara Oswald this was because the Mayor lost a
bet and had to rename the town to that. The Twelfth Doctor used two empty boxes
with buttons on them to play a game of Truth or Consequences to talk Bonnie
(Zygons) and Kate Stewart (Humans) to stop the war by giving a speech about the
horrors of war and how endless it is; in the end The Doctor uses the game to
save the day.

(184 Words)

Feedback from Toastmaster:
You need to write about the episode: The Doctor creates a box as the object of
an endgame. The two fighting parties, the Zygons who wants to be Zygon on
Earth, and the Humans and Zygons who wish to continue living disguised and
among Humans. Ultimately, the box is just a box, but the Doctor was able to
prevent a catastrophe by get the two parties talking instead of fighting. The
ultimatum the box is supposed to give is also a resemblance of ultimatum in The
Day of The Doctor.