Tarzanite and Xenotime, a love formed over a thousand years. (longest noobpasta ever)

Trains. Read this story and they won't run over u.

## Chapter 1: I couldn't stand her! (Tarz's View)

For CENTURIES she's driven me crazy! It's like she lives to annoy me! Can't you find some other failed Kindergarten gem to stalk Xeno? I'm sorry, I just am annoyed out of my mind right now. Welp, I'm Tarzanite, and this is the long-ass story of how my nemesis became my lover. Garnet told me with her future vision... so now I'm telling you the story. Don't ask why, I just needed to talk about it. So Xeno took me to this old apartment, and grabbed this weird glowing thing. It looked like a dick, so I was pretty worried. I had known for about 2 years now that Xeno had this huge crush on me... but it sure wasn't a shared love.

So then she takes me behind this apartment, and tells me to take off my clothes. I was like "Uh, no." Xeno then told me my friend Taffy would stay a SPIDER if I didn't. Yeesh Xeno. So I, annoyedly and only doing it to keep my friend from staying a spider, I took off my clothes. Xeno told me to come closer. Eep. "Closer!" Xeno said. "What the fuck Xeno...?" I say. Xeno stays quiet. e.e I'm soo worried right now. The weird blue glowing dick starts FLOATING, and covers both me and Xeno in something. "Say hello to your new armor!" I heard Xeno say. I asked Xeno, annoyedly, "ARMOR? YOU MADE ME GET NAKED IN FRONT OF YOU FOR ARMOR? UGHHHHHHHH!". Xeno stared at me, and muttered what sounded like "I hope she doesn't see I took pictures..." and I heard. "YOU TOOK PICTURES OF ME NAKED? SERIOUSLY? I'm guessing you took 69." Xeno quietly says "yes, and yes. 43 of the pictures were too blurry." I tried not to go blue-Hulk on Xeno. So I screamed. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

## Chapter 2: Well that happened! (This whole story is Tarz's view k?)

I took 2 FUCKING HOURS to get calmed down. XENO I HAET YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW. I want to kill Xeno. But I'm too nice. And as I'm just calmly trolling a prep on CPPS.me, Xeno calls. I don't answer. Xeno calls AGAIN. And again. And again. And I lost fucking count. I decided to answer. "Uh, Xeno, why the fuck are you calling me?" I ask. I get back "Tarz I got evicted can I stay at your place? Taffy is too clingy." SERIOUSLY HOW THE FUCK DID SHE GET EVICTED? "Uh, no. Go be a hobo." I say. "BUT I WON'T GET ANY FOOD!" So whiny that Xeno is. "GEMS DON'T EVEN NEED TO EAT!" I say. But then, I feel something very odd. I feel... sorry for Xeno? I try to punch this out of my head, it didn't work. I give Xeno an unemotional "Fine." Followed by a "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" from her.

So now I'm living with XENO. I fixed up the spare room, put an air mattress on the floor. "Here Xeno." I say, trying to hide the sympathy I have no idea why I feel. Xeno took her suitcase (how was she even able to pack?) and sat on the mattress. I went back to my room, until about 2:00 AM things were just fine. "Tarz?" I hear at my door. I angrily respond "XENO WAT THE FUCK IS IT I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!?!?" She says "I can't sleep. May I sleep with you?" IN THIS STUPID LITTLE VOICE SHE THINKS IS GONNA GET A YES!!!! "Seriously?" I say. She's gonna do badd things to me when I fall asleep. I just know it. Then again, when Jasper (stupid cheeto) and Peridot were together, back before Xeno was half-horny half-annoying (she was just annoying then...) and JASPER being the weird pedo-cheeto she (he maybe? Idk anymore.) is, TRIED TO RAPE ME IN MY SLEEP CUZ I LIKED HER PRECIOUS DORITO! And I sleep through almost anything..... I smelled Jasper's cheeto-scented perfume.

Thinking through all the horrid things that could happen, I come to one good answer for Xeno. "No." I hear in this voice that's like the sound equal of puppydog eyes, "Awh really? Tarz, quit being paranoid." and Xeno dares to SIT ON MY BED! "I'm just gonna lay down, k Tarz?" she says. I reply "No, not k. Get off my bed." But maybe she's right, maybe I am being paranoid. No, I have right to be worried. "GET OFF MY BED."

## Chapter 3: XENO Y U DO DIS?

Fuck... apparently I fell asleep... with Xeno in my bed... ugh. I yell "XENO WAKE THE FUCK UP AND GET OUT OF MY BED!" Xeno stays asleep. Wat. I yank the blankets off Xeno. Still asleep, but gem-cummed in my bed IN HER SLEEP! O\_O So I yelled "WAKE UP!!!!!" in Xeno's ear. Finally, she wakes up. I push her off my bed. "What did u do that for?" she asks. "You buy me a new mattress today. You cummed on this one." I say. "I DIDN'T MEAN TO CUM ON UR BED I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS GETTING THAT HORNY FOR U I SORRY!!!!!!" she yells, hoping for sympathy. "Do they have therapy for people with huge crushes but it'll never be real? You need it badly." I say angeredly. I then walked to the kitchen, and got tba

tba lololol