Beauty Queen Bosses You Around

The viewer is hired as an assistant to the Beauty Queen.

## Transcript

Oh, you. Hello. Hey. Yeah, hi. Where the hell have you been? Mm-hmm. My latte isn't going to fetch itself and one of the swarovski crystals fell off my mic. {snapping} Get to it. Mm-hmm. What? Why are you looking so confused? You are the new assistant, right? Yeah. Hello? Oh, I get it. You're stunned by my beauty. That's fair enough. I do have that effect on people. Yeah.

It was actually a talking point in my Miss International Beauty Pretty Shimmy Lip Gloss Barbie award acceptance speech. I took home a big crown that year. Take it all in! Not everyone gets to see me up close. Don't like so scared. I don't bite. There is something quite cute about how nervous you are. Come with me.

What are you waiting for? Idiot. That was an order. Good God, these sashes aren't going to steam themselves, and I can't go out there with creased satin. Absolutely not, that would be social suicide and I came here to win. Yeah. It's kind of my thing. I get what I want. Here we are. You know, not many people are fortunate enough to see the inside of a lady's dressing room, especially not THE ladies dressing room. THE lady. Yeah. Me. That's me, you dummy.

Whatever, get in here. Your shoes had better be clean. If you get dirt on literally anything in here, I will end you. Understood? Good. Hmm? Oh, nothing. I am just admiring how on edge you look. I can't remember ever feeling that way, it's fascinating to look at. Very cute. You can catch your breath in here, it's just you and me now.

I won't tell my manager you're in here. Mm-hmm. I mean, if she knew you'd be fired on the spot. You know what? Since you're already in here, your first task can be to do up the ribbon on the back of my dress. It needs tightening. Personally I don't like to have much lung capacity after 1pm. It feels unnatural. I don't remember paying you to tell me your opinion.

Mm-hmm. The ribbon goes through the eyelets there. A little more. Good. Yes, that feels much better. Now, make a pretty bow. If it's messy, I will cut your fingers off. Thank you. Good job. Maybe you will be of some worth to me, after all. You're very welcome, by the way. Most people don't even get the opportunity to be in the same room as me, let alone touch my clothes. Mm-hmm.

You may kiss my hand. Oh, good. You're very well behaved when you want to be, aren't you? I like that. It's much better when people know their places when they're around me, then everything runs more smoothly. Tiffany is two dressing rooms down and she could learn a thing or two about that. She can't compete where she doesn't compare though, right? I said right?

Well I don't need you to tell me so anyway. I already know I will win again this year. I've never lost once. No. How? I just decide what i want and I go for it. Don't you? That's how it works for me. Speaking of clothes, I want to wear my pink satin heels there. {snapping} Fetch them.

What are you standing around for? Get on your knees. My shoes aren't going to change themselves. Mm-hmm. Careful. You have to treat them like they're babie. You know ,these cost more than my rent. Mm-hmm. Yes. That's perfect. You're really taking to this job, aren't you? I think I'm really going to like having you around.

Don't get all embarrassed! I was only blotting my lipstick on your cheek. You're going to have to work much harder than that if you want the privilege of kissing me. Where is your badge? You need a badge so people know that you're with me and my team. Huh? They didn't give you one yet? Well if I leave you unattended, one of the other girls will try and poach you. They're vultures down here, honestly. Money really doesn't buy class, Tiffany is a prime example of that.

Anyway, let me see... I have a spare here. Stay still while I pin it on you. You're not getting stolen from me today, darling. I know. No, no, it's right. It's just not the hands-off vibe I am wanting it too. You know I really am the only girl in this competition able to pull off this lipstick shade. Why? Um, well it's because I'm better than everyone. Yeah.

Did I mention that I'm really humble? Yeah. I know. I just can't help it! I need to blot it now. What if I just used your face again? It would improve your outfit at the very least and your social standing at the very most. Come here. And another here. Oh, I know, I just have to make sure my application was even. I guess I'll do another one here.

Oh, no. Damn. I kind of got it all over your face. Whoops! I don't think any of the other girls would dare talk to you now, especially if they know what's good for them. I do deserve the best, after all. I am the Supreme Royal Miss International Glitter and Sparkle Majestic Royalty Grand Pretty Princess Ultimate of the year! Yeah. Don't wear it out.

Well, it's about time I go give my speech about ending world hunger and urging the government to introduce anti-fashion terrorism laws. Yeah. I'm really brave. It isn't easy work, but someone's got to do it. You sit in my dressing room chair and wait till I get back. I said sit. I better see you right there when I get back. Hmm? Oh, it's a demanding job. I'm expecting you will fall in love with me by the end of today, though. That will make it a lot easier. I have to go in now. Ciao, darling.