Trolonic Bible

**The Trolonic Bible** (Zo soneliktrolonkanuk, [zæ so.ne.lik.tro.loŋ.ˈkan.uk] is the holy book of Trolonism, a religion in Trolonia.

## Creation

O, Dimõs how all mighty you are Giver of all life, wonderful Dimõs Started from nothing, to everything First the void, then the stars To the stars you gave them planets You gave life to some planets You made trees, you made rivers O, beautiful Dimõs Then you made the animals And made humans to rule over them First man Njeke, then the woman Dencja They had 5 children, 3 male, 2 female O, wonderful Dimõs They are Okante, Nucen, Talate Tosenja and Buktene Dimõs told them to make a tower Made of stone and wood O, all mighty Dimos That's where Brucalen was made On the Trolnek River

## To earth

Saint Spontc bab, born in Brucalen He had a great idea He wanted to reach the skies Not to reach Dimõs, but to reach the stars He built the ship With Treldiz and Pesenk With enough space for 100 other people They got all got in Then launched the ship During the trip they talk about their plans

Years later they spot a planet They try to reach it And they land in Kamat They have a big river With many people and houses The crew thinks it's not enough land to make settlements They reach a land far away They call it Dacja named after Dencja They start a new town called New Brucalen, On the Danube river

## Krozeder

Whom this eath was created for? "Face north and look up" Saint JoJo said Krozer faced north he looked at the sky and said "awe hel naw" Dimõs will know these words at the sõlantas From the north of Trolonia to the south of Bruhia People knew the truth They who built the Ometis, blessed with the word of Dimõs And you remember those who have embraced the JoJo Trolonia was created and the Trollface was rebuilt with allahckobama hands Slave routes established saint JoJo was happy And then Sponch Bob said: We know what sex is saint sponch bob was unhappy with these words knowing jojo will die soon he went far, jojo sent him a guy named krozeder Krozedrr was a nice, smart, stronk romanian guy , he know every reference saint spunch was afraid when he saw him Before that saint jojo told krozeder to help saint spunch build his town Bruhia when krozeder arrived there he and saint sponch told stories about the first nations no one knew about them and no one told their stories they built the best city people have ever seen thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array. krozeder asked god to bring him back to the south wherr saint jojo lived shame on those who have never embraced the troll god made all the kinds of trees grow out of the ground-trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. in the middle of the garden there were the tree of lifr and the three of knowledge of good and eveil. and it was trolonia people with no balls but testicles they know math once god asked a black child "whuts nan plas teen" the child "tweny line" dimos : ya stopid

A FOOLISH MAN CONPLAINS ABOUT HIS TORN POCKET. THE WISE MAN USES IT TO SCRATCH HIS BALLS. - SAINT KROZRDER

## SAINT SPUNCH

there was once a guy, he was born in 1708 in karl marx's great great great grandfather's house. he was saint sponch bob the second. he was introduced to socialism in 1850 he told them about this new discovery and they said "no, fucking commie", then sponch killed them all he then met saint jojo's son which was gay and in a relationship with vladimir lenin. then he told him to share the information about communism to buult a great society. in 1880 he met young stalin in georgia and he said to him and his brothers "hey kids, have you ever heard of socialism?" then russian empire leader threw him in jail for 20 years. in this time, saint sponch wrote books about socialism to spread to the world he then dropped the soap. 3 months later he escaped and got diagnosed with hiv, jojo's son cured him. it was a miracle he went back to trolonia and he saw that they were already communist. There were buildings that were dedicated to trolonism saints. They taught him a new phrase "z'akume trololo" Some say that this phrase was the reason the ussr was created. They invented penis sex "we know what sex is" -saint sponch

## Bruh-trolonians

there was a new ethnicity called bruh-trolonian. they were able to cum as much as they'd like. the population exploded. Hitler hated the bruh-trolonians, but saint sponch bob killed him before he can do any harm to them. the population was about 78 million. when the bruh-trolonians had sex with black people, the next generation would have bigger cocks. "nice cock" -joseph stalin when they went to romania, they made a city called vaslui. the florida men of eastern europe. they know how to speak romanian now. they met a guy named nicolae ceausescu who later became the socialist ruler of romania and many people liked him. some say his mother was bruh-trolonian. saint sponch visited romanian and gained bruh-deeztrolonian, which made him cum faster and could impregnate every woman in sight. who did not abort dababy were blessed with a baby that looked like karl marx. by the end of the 80's there were 100 million bruh-deeztrolonians which were experts in socialism. some went to china and helped to improve the economy there was a mutation where they would become bruh-deezcumtrolonians and they had the ability to make women give birth to as many people as they wanted without any pain. the population of bruh-deezcumtrolonians reached 150 billion they crashed the economy and 99,999% were executed by ronald reagan. trolonia now hates usa. he died in 2004 because [ligmacumemia] (lethal injection)

## Saint Spontc's weed empire

Spontc Bab the 3rd was getting poor. He spent all of his money to help poor people. He donated more money than all billionaires combined. He needed to find a way to get rich. He found out that weed is getting popular among young people. He went to his home planet to get 20000 Dosteka plants. Compared to earth's weed, Dosteka is 100 times better. 5 years later, he started selling it worldwide With the help of saint jojo's son, he smuggled it to all parts of the world. his techniques were to pit the weed in a false phone from the 80's then to cover the phone in oil Many pwople got addicted and they wanted more. Saint Spontc with his remaining money, bribed the president of the United States to let his legalize Dosteka everywhere. 70% of the profits were going to him, the rest going to the sellers. His wealth was so large, he had to deposit most of his money on his home planet. He used it to fund strikes and revolutions all over the world. He was a powerful leftist. Spontc didn't care about one's ideology, if he hates capitalism, he's a comrade. That's when already socialist countries started to call him a saint "Guide the to socialism, brother" -Saint JoJo the 2nd