Golden Joe

Spoiler warning!*This page contains significant spoilers for large events in the CBW series. If you haven't watched the series yet, turn back now.*

### **Other names**

**Terry Essex**
**Terrence Essex**

### **Family**

Silver Bro (brother)
Platinum Pete (father)
Titanium Tina (niece)

### **Entrance music**

Lupus Nocte - "Champions Day"
Spandau Ballet - "Gold" (known as "Golden Joe")

## Stats

### **Gimmick**

Golden Boy

**Golden Joe**, also known as **Terry Essex**, was a wrestler in the City British Wrestling promotion and star of *The Dog Walker* film series from Little Glittering in Reading. He was part of The Precious Metals tag team with his older brother, Silver Bro. He had a strained relationship with his brother due to his large ego and expectation that he should always come first, an issue encouraged by the treatment of his father, Platinum Pete.

## Appearance

Golden Joe was much shorter than his brother. He wore golden trousers and a golden cape and jacket, with golden Randy Savage style glasses that said "JOE" on them. He also wore wrist patches that said "JOE." He slept in this outfit.

## Biography

### Early life

Silver Bro once held Joe as a baby. The brothers grew up wrestling teddy bears in their bedroom, and Bro taught Joe how to suplex the stuffed animals. They would never wrestle each other. (*Kid Flippz Vs The Milkman*)

Joe and Bro had a made-up backyard wrestling promotion called the Trampoline Federation as kids in which they practiced moves on each other. Other kids would come and watch, and Bro always booked Joe to win the matches, causing the kids to call Bro a loser, which Joe internalized. During one match, Joe was impressed by Bro's knowledge of moves and Bro tried to encourage Joe, who felt insecure about his ability. Platinum Pete watched this unfold. (*The Regal Wrangle*, *Kid Flippz Vs The Milkman*)

On a rainy day, when Bro wasn't there, Joe performed his ten-jab Golden Shower move on a friend in the garden twice and knocked the boy out. Pete said "that's my boy," and was proud of Joe despite his hesitancy. (*A Regal Engagement*)

In Bro's school assembly presentation about who he was proud of, he talked about Joe and said he was going to be a champion. Joe was embarrassed. (*Kid Flippz Vs The Milkman*)

On a family holiday, he and Bro went to an arcade and played Street Fighter. He let Joe pick one of the good characters. Joe felt patronised that Bro refused to win. (*Kid Flippz Vs The Milkman*)

When they were called up to City British Wrestling, he believed they would do well in the tag team and singles championships. (*Kid Flippz Vs The Milkman*)

### Fighting The Cockney Knockers

Joe and Bro appeared through smoke and lasers as The Precious Metals to fight for a place in the Tag Team Championship match at the Colossal Tussle. They went up against The Cockney Knockers, Geezer and The Pearly Queen. He and Bro worked together to take down Geezer, who collapsed from exhaustion. The Precious Metals won. (*Welcome To City British Wrestling*)

### Family therapy and drug trip

The next week, Joe brought Bro to see a family therapist, Dr Head Shruckner, as he believed Bro was jealous of him. Joe criticised Bro's use of the Silver Spooner in their last match, saying that it took all of the attention away from him. Head encouraged radical candor, but this failed and so he told them to visit a shaman to heal their souls.

He and Bro trekked through the sand wastes of Chester to a tent. Inside, the shaman made them eat a powerful hallucinogenic and told them to walk across the wastes to where their demons would meet them. The drug caused them to hallucinate that they were fighting faceless humanoid sand figures. Joe performed a Full Golden upon the apparition which passed out, and he realised that he had wrestled his own brother into unconsciousness. When Bro came to, he thought Joe had saved him from the apparition. (*The Milkman's Retirement*)

### The Regal Wrangle

Backstage at the Regal Wrangle, Joe became jealous that Bro was doing so well and had done his Rock Solid move. When he entered the Wrangle, he shook the hands of the audience until they chanted for him. He helped Bro eliminate Girder, but took full credit. Girder attacked Joe despite her elimination, and Bro eliminated himself to save him. He asked Kid Flippz to help eliminate Pylon, who ran up his chest and did so. He reminded the audience that he would be at the Colossal Tussle.

When only he and The Denimatrix were left, Bro gave him a pep talk, which Denim interrupted by striking him across the chest. She forced his throat against the ropes and called him a "little golden boy." To end the match, she copied his Golden Shower move to eliminate him. Bro comiserated with Joe, who was humiliated that he got silver and not gold. (*The Regal Wrangle*)

### Reffing Bro's match and father's dissapointment

> You can't come second all your life!
>
> Golden Joe to Silver Bro, The Regal Wrangle

Joe appeared as the guest referee to Bro's match against Kid Flippz. His entrance featured children with candles chanting his name. When Bro was hesitant to hurt Kid, he said "you can't come second all your life!" Taking this advice, Bro pinned Kid. However, Joe was distracted, playing to the crowd. When Kid reversed the pin, Joe counted very slowly and Kid berated them for taking their family for granted, then shoved Joe. Bro finished Kid for attacking his brother and won when Joe did a quick count.

Platinum Pete walked into the ring and said he was proud but dissapointed after the Regal Wrangle. Joe thought it was because he came second. Pete showed them a childhood photo montage, which revealed that Joe often felt patronised by Bro's help when they were growing up. (*Kid Flippz Vs The Milkman*)

### Tag Team Championship and assault

The Precious Metals had a Tag Team Championship match at the Colossal Tussle against The Constructi-Bombs. The brothers entered to their photo montage from the previous week, but the crowd didn't gel with their attempted wholesome dynamic. Joe recieved increasing damage to his shoulder which eventually took him out of the match, partly due to saving his brother; Girder squeezing Bro's skull resurfaced some repressed memories.

When Bro won them the Tag Team Champion title belt, Platinum Pete came down to the ring unhappy with Joe's performace. Unable to deal with the dissapointment of his father, Joe beat him unconscious with the belt. He walked up the ramp, crying. (*The Colossal Tussle*)

### Hollywood and *The Dog Walker*

Over the course of City British Wrestling's two-year hiatus, Joe moved to Hollywood, which he later said "didn't work out that much." He trained to become bigger, and had a hair transplant. He recieved several sponsors, such as Dick Power Chewies. He had the nickname Terrance (Terry) Essex, and was a failed heel.

He starred in six of the seven movies in *The Dog Walker* franchise in which he was an American spy who walked dogs for criminals. In the first movie, he connected with his niece as his brother fought overseas. The tagline was "Bark!" He didn't star in the second movie. *Dog Walker 3* was set in Europe; Joe and his niece formed a crime-fighting duo after his brother's death. The tagline was "Bark bark bark!" *Dog Walkers in Space*, which Joe later said was a "return to form," was animated with bad CGI and had the duo fighting aliens in space. The tagline was "In space is bark!" It was mostly a tax break for Joe. (*Welcome BACK To City British Wrestling*) The movies grossed more money from video sales than their cinema releases (*Wrestlers' Court*)

### City British return

When City British Wrestling returned to screens, Joe was given the chance by City British management to take The Denimatrix's City British Champion title at the Night of Champions during Friday Night Lightning. He promoted Dick Power Chewies during his promo, and tried to intimidate her.

He began the match well, and the audience began to believe Denim wasn't so scary anymore. He hit her with a Joekick, Tommaso Ciampa knee strike and an RKJoe in succession, then put her in a Full Golden. After some back-and-forth, the tables turned. Denim performed Joe's Golden Shower move (which she called the Thread Count), which enabled her to pin him and retain the championship title. She offered him some little denim band aids, which he rejected. QC's paralegals eased him out of the ring, defeated.

Bro locked eyes with Joe at the top of the ramp after Bro lost his match against Mable Syrup.

Later, Joe sat alone in his dressing room and watched his *Dog Walker* movies, then signed a stack of unsold 8x10s from when he was Terry Essex. (*Welcome BACK To City British Wrestling*)

### Flippz's funeral and visiting home

At Kid Flippz's funeral a week after his death, Joe claimed that Kid was his best friend, and said that Kid had told him that he wanted Joe to be the next City British Champion. He put one of his signed 8x10s on the coffin.

Later, he visited his childhood home and binge-watched his *Dog Walker* movies in the Trampoline Federation garden to prep for a potential eighth film. Bro found him and they discussed Bro's new daughter, Titanium Tina. Joe was annoyed that she'd replaced him in Bro's entrance video and suggested that Tina would tag with Bro instead of him, despite her being two years old. He implied that he wouldn't meet Tina if Pete was there, and that he was focused on the Championship rather than being Tag Team Champion anyway. He toyed with the idea of the brothers getting back together, but only so the fans would cheer for him. (*Let's Do A Sad!*)

### Fighting The Transatlantic Champions

Later, Bro had decided to re-team The Precious Metals to fight The Transatlantic Champions to retain the Tag Team Champion title. Joe walked out with his tag belt and dedicated the match to Kid. He claimed that he convinced his brother to re-team with him in Kid's memory, despite saying that Bro had ruined it. The two shook hands. After the Champions gave them cake, Joe properly met Mable Syrup and said that he thought she was a good champion. He and Denim had an impromptu staring contest which he lost.

He and Denim were the legal wrestlers to begin. He got everyone to chant for what he claimed was Kid's favourite movie, *The Dog Walker*, by chanting "Bark!" He shoved the cake in Denim's face, then ran to tag his brother. He went to the medical corner because of the cake in his hair. Denim suggested to him that Bro had gotten so good that he didn't need him anymore, and had a purpose in life. Joe later tried too tag himself in to get the win instead of Bro.

After the Precious Metals won, Joe said that the tag team wasn't working anymore. He wanted Tina to be taken out of Bro's entrance entirely as Bro had left her in it, and complained that they didn't hit their double team move together. He asked for Bro's tag belt so he could find a new partner. In retaliation, Bro said "maybe dad was right about you," and that Pete was a better man than Joe. Joe attempted to ride both and Stable Stirrup and Denim's gimpacorn sewing machine out of the ring, but the horse bucked him off; he landed with cake in his face both times. He gave up and walked up the ramp. (*Let's Do A Sad!*)

### The Regal Wrangle II

Joe recorded a promo for the next Wrangle in a nightclub while celebrating his successful tag title defense. He admitted that things hadn't gone so well and that he'd done some work on himself with the shaman. He siad he saw the Wrangle as an opportunity to get a new tag team partner, then said he'd dedicate the win to Dick Power Chewies, for which he promoted the discount code "KID FLIPPZ".

On the Wrestletron was a montage of Joe learning to ride his new horse Steve, who he rode to the ring. He bribed Mable to be his tag partner again with cake, but she refused. He moved on to entice both Jurgen Flopp and Duke Spookem to be his partner with a second Belgian chocolate cake, with the latter team being called "Golden Joe and Friend". Both attempts ended in violence. When Tony and Fred the Postman emerged to fight Jurgen, Joe said Tony had saved him, and that Tony knew he was Kid's best friend. Bro later handed over his tag belt to Joe and eliminated himself, which Joe interpreted as an expression of love. Mable poked Joe in the eyes with the brim of her hat, so he flicked it off her head. She launched him over the top rope; he put on both tag belts and trotted out on Steve.

In his dressing room, he drew championship belts in gold sharpie onto his 8x10s. Detective Hank 'The Hammer' Hankamer came in to say that Pete was pressing charges for the assault and that Joe was under wrestle arrest. (*A Regal Engagement*)

### Time in jail

Joe spent a week in jail, which he spent working out, helping in the kitchen, and making a shank because he was scared. (*Wrestlers' Court*)

### Court case and judge match

> When cowards come back, then cowards face consequences.
>
> Platinum Pete, Wrestlers' Court

At his trial, headed by The Right Honorable QC, Joe was accused of assaulting a City British Wrestling legend. Joe offered QC and The Prosecutioner a tag team title which they both refused. He pled not guilty and Bro upheld this. However, given that the incident was recorded on camera, Bro changed tack, saying "we know he did it". As a witness, Pete said that Joe was a coward for running to Hollywood, and that "when cowards come back, then cowards face consequences". Bro then called Joe to the stand as a surprise witness and asked him why he assaulted Pete. Joe said "because he's a wanker". QC proposed a judge match in one hour's time.

Joe came down the ramp with Bro as the Precious Metals to their handicap match against the Prosecutioner. If Joe lost, he'd be pronounced guilty. On the bell, Joe immediately American Pie 2 bell-and-bandcamped himself and got himself stepped on as Bro abandoned him. Joe tried to distract the giant with a Dick Power Chewy offer of "at least up to 30% off" and offered some of the chewies to the judge to try; the shiny wrapper glinted off the light and distracted the judge enough that Joe was able to slip free. Even when Bro changed his mind and attempted to save him from being put in the Prosecutioner's noose, it was not enough and Joe lost the match.

QC addressed the brothers' failure and pronounced Joe guilty of assaulting a CBW legend. However, as a personal favour to Platinum Pete and his bloodline, QC gave the sentence of a match at the Colossal Tussle between Joe and Bro, after which the loser would leave town forever. (*Wrestlers' Court*)

### Colossal Tussle II

At the Colossal Tussle, the lights went off, the stage hands moved something into place, and the Wrestletron started playing a compilation of Joe being great and Bro losing. The lights came on to display a banner of Joe and Kid Flippz plastered over a picture of Bro that said RIP, alongside a cardboard cutout of the now dead Tony the Milkman. Joe burst out of the banner, singing a new theme, "Golden Joe", by Golden Joe. An ad came up on the Wrestletron that advertised the song in all casette shops.

Bro said no one really liked Joe and that he "read what Mave Deltzer is writing about you in the dirt sheets," including about Joe's heat with The Denimatrix and Bro, and that Joe was playing politics with management. He called Joe a "Golden Joke", and criticised his alleged attempts to profit off of Kid. Despite this, he said he still saw his brother in Joe, and said he was destined to lead the promotion. He claimed that Joe was Platinum Pete's "do-over" after he didn't get what he wanted from Bro.

On the bell, Bro laid down on the mat, and Joe ran in for the cover. The referee waas stunned but began to count. After the two-count Joe sat back, explaining that he needed a "Golden Bro" so he could beat him properly. Bro said "that's the Joe I'm looking for" and knocked him to the mat four times in a row. When Platinum Pete entered with Titanium Tina and distracted Bro, Joe took advantage and locked in the Full Golden. Joe's will to win was incredibly strong, and despite Bro's belief that the old Joe was still in there, Joe was squeezing too hard. Bro tapped out and let Joe win.

"Golden Joe" played again as he gloated and celebrated. Pete rested a hand on Joe's shoulder and smiled the happiest smile Joe had ever seen, before saying "my son". (*The Colossal Tussle II*)

## Entrances

Joe was often accompanied in his introduction by images of people being humbly helped and aided by him. These introductions were often over-the-top and accompanied by chants of "Joe!" However, the chants began to be replaced by chants of "Bro!" as time went on.

## Signature moves

Joe had many signature moves, many of which were named after himself.

* **Golden Shower** - Joe rained down ten left jabs upon his opponent, then built up before the last and most devastating punch.
* **BullJoe** - A bulldog headlock.
* **Joeline** - A clothesline.
* **Rock Solid** - Joe bounced off the ropes while the crowd chanted "Joe," and he finished with an elbow drop.
* **Full Golden** - A full nelson.
* **RKJoe** - An RKO.
* **Joekick** - A dropkick.
* **ForeJoe** - A twirling forearm into his opponent's face.
* **Brothers In Arms** - A double shoulder block alongside his brother, Silver Bro.
* **Goldenplex** - A suplex.
* **Joe Blow** - A punch to the stomach.

## Behind the scenes

Oli based Joe's character upon Brian Cage.