The Letak Museum Heist

The Letak Museum Heist was a heist performed by Jasper Scunthorpe and Vlad Petrov on a museum dedicated to the life of Witold Letak (brother of Jasper and previous owner of Letak Lemons now deceased). The museum was based in the North Sea, close to the west coast of Denmark.

## The Letak Museum Heist

### Performers

Jasper ScunthorpeVlad Petrov

Denzel Pepper

Mark Wilkes

Bernard Smith

The Scunthorpe Police Force

The Royal Navy

The Letak Museum Guards

### Location

Letak Museum - North SeaThe Thames - London

North Lincolnshire Museum - Scunthorpe

The object that was being stolen was the famous Red Denzel Diamond (yes it was red) discovered in July 2002 by Denzel Pepper, his sister and Bernard Smith who had been relocated to the Savannah where they took new-born Lions, Panthers and Gorillas and trained them to become Thornton war animals. The Diamond was being kept at the museum because Denzel had asked Jasper to look after it and his brother Witold stole it out of boredom.

Vlad Petrov became in charge of Security at the museum around April 2021 (Vlad was forced to leave for a bit during the June 2021 Thornton Revolution) to get on the inside for Jasper to try and take back the diamond that his brother had unrightfully stole from him. Jasper launched a remotely controlled drone, coloured hot pink and navy blue, on July 14th 2021 in an attempt to try and take this diamond back. The rest of this account is from Jasper's personal Journal on the heist:

## Phase One: The Heist

I had launched the drone from my flat in Kensington and Chelsea and it was on its way to the museum of my brother. His passing had nearly sent me into depression, but I owed Denzel that diamond that Witold had unrighteously stolen from me. My drone was remote controlled and was equipped with the latest laser cutting equipment (as well as a built in Confetti Canon to distract the guards) but Vlad Petrov (he's working with me and I am paying him handsomely for it) has managed to get the guards drunk and and sent them all to go to sleep.

The sea was alive, throwing waves as high as skyscrapers, and the rain hammered down upon the drone but the relentless drone kept powering through even. Due to the lack of sight, the drone nearly crashed into the wall of the museum but I calmly manoeuvred it out of the way. I activated the laser to begin the cutting process, which took longer than expected. After what felt like hours, it cut through and we were in.

All of the rooms were empty just as Vlad had said. He was watching on the cameras and had disabled the anti-intruder alarm. I eventually got into the room and began cutting my way through the triple strength glass Vault. However, the laser system had accidently activated due to Vlad falling asleep and hitting the button with his bulbous head but thankfully the lasers didn't hit the drone or set of the alarm but I shouted at Vlad to wake up over the comms, which annoyingly disturbed my neighbours who started banging on the door to my flat so I grabbed a cricket bat ran out telling at them to fuck off, which they did.

I finally had access to the diamond and activated a mechanical claw on my drone which grabbed the diamond but set off the alarm. All of the guards woke up but luckily Vlad used some ferociously mad moves to keep them back. The drone shot the confetti canon at the guards who cried out in fear at the hot pink and navy blue confetti because they were all pussy's. The drone looked like it might make it out of the museum. However, Vlad jumped on top of the drone and it crashed in the sea with Vlad clinging on to it without breaking a sweat. It was time for phase two.

## Phase Two: The Getaway

We had prepared for this (I was working with Vlad). I ran out of my flat and almost flew into my Teal Toyota Corolla. I drove to the Thames - where my Stealth boat was parked - and began the rapid journey to the museum. I soon arrived at the scene and spotted Vlad calmly humming to himself in the water whilst holding both drone and diamond in his hands. He tranquilly swam over to the boat and hopped in. We then set off home and that was were the story should of ended.

But it didn't. Had it not been for the fact that the security cameras had seen Vlad get in my stealth boat with the diamond and drone we would of gotten out without us being discovered. The man behind the security cameras (I don't know his name but Vlad told me it would of been Alfredo Rostefaru who in Vlad's words was a "dirty tiny bitch of a snitch") sent a message to the coastguards who prepared to engage with us.

We were nearing the coast when part of the Royal Navy almost materialised in front of us through the fog. The stealth boat was not armed and we had no weapons on us so we were sitting ducks until I realised their was a place we could go to. Scunthorpe. I quickly turned around and drove towards the River Humber. The Navy were on our trail shouting at us but I managed to lose them. I went down the River Trent and hid my boat and ran into Scunthorpe with Vlad.

## Phase Three: Scunthorpe

The Police had been alerted that we might be near here so they were watching out for us. The Police spotted me and Vlad having an argument with a pub owner about if we could get a pint of Guinness in a pub (didn't sell Guinness in the pub, bad mad) then a manhunt ensued where we were chased through the streets of Scunthorpe and shouted at by policemen. Eventually we got into the North Lincolnshire Museum and hid in there until a young policeman came in who Vlad slammed a chair on his head.

Apparently, the Navy couldn't be bothered with continuing with the chase anymore for unknown reasons. They probably had assumed that it was pointless going up against me.

The Police called out to me that I should step out of the building with my hands in the air. Vlad told me that our time had come, and pulled out 2 pills. I tried to stop him from taking them because I thought it was cyanide but it was actually drugs (I didn't know what type but Vlad really liked them). We came out with our hands up and we were arrested immediately. We were told we were going to court because the diamond belonged to Witold and not me.

## Phase Four: Court

I phoned up Denzel Pepper and asked him to get his lawyer, Mark Wilkes. Denzel accepted the offer because I offered him tea at mine if he got us out of this terrible mess.

The next day me and Vlad were woken up early to go to court. Denzel came in and as soon as he saw the diamond he asked me why his diamond that he gave me to look after was doing here and I explained the whole story to him. Denzel was shocked at this and instantly asked Mark to get us out of this stupid situation. Mark made a speech to the Judge and Jury who cried at the beauty in his voice. After Mark's beautiful speech, we were allowed to be set free.

Me, Vlad, Mark, Denzel and Bernard (who came up because he wanted to try and get revenge on his old enemy in Scunthorpe) went to shout at the afore mentioned pub owner and told him how he may of been a prick but his meddling had led to our freedom. I believe the word is serendipity. Finally we drove home in a jumbled mess and I had tea with Denzel in my flat.

The extract of the story finishes here. Vlad and Jasper still live pleasant lives working in Thornton Stationery Company- Kensington and Chelsea Branch and the museum has been taken down by Jasper because most of the achievements the museum was built for were, in fact, Jaspers. This information irritated immensely.

## Gallery

Jasper, armed and dangerousVlad attempting to break out of prisonJasper in his own cell in Scunthorpe PrisonDenzel trying to get into his car, the wrong way