The August Sky Playhouse (Podcast Story)

The August Sky Playhouse is the fifth story told in the podcast Astonishing Tales of the Highly Improbable. It tells the origin story of The August Sky Playhouse.

## Part 1

"Alright bitches here we go" Lloyd Allen says to begin the episode. He promises lots of exciting things in store, and is pleased with all the new listeners and the increased ratings. Lloyd says that he "loves to see so many hip WAPs listening to the show." He believes the acronym stands for Wildly Articulate Person, and says he prefers WAPs to anything else.

He introduces a new segment: Advice For Young People. He says don't be afraid to dream big. He acknowledges that you will likely never achieve those dreams, but promises that when you're old you can look back at the grand dreams you once had and they will be a beautiful precious thing. Lloyd also advises to pay attention to your teachers, so that you can learn their weakness. Though, while he admits that he is currently teaching, he assures that he would be difficult to take down and that every day teachers would make a much easier target.

The episode's sponsor is Petunia Peticures. Lloyd doesn't understand why anyone would choose to tend to other people's feet unless they have some kind of kink. The Sentient Room accuses him of kinkshaming, and Lloyd says that yes, they should be shamed. But he assures that he has not caused grievous bodily harm to anyone because of their kinks, and believes people are free to be as depraved as they want but he doesn't have to see it.

The Decadent Abbey is a lynchpin which exists in numerous narratives simultaneously, and can be used to cross worlds or as a meeting place for people from different strands. The metaverse has seven levels, and lynchpins work on six level logic with second and third level rules. There is a legend that says that anyone who can travel all seven levels will become a god, and it's rumored that William is attempting to do so.

There are drawbacks to the Abbey, that it slowly drives people insane and not being able to return from it, but because of it's power the Holy Order of the Bleeding Rose uses it for a base of operations. Years from now, the Abbey will be an outpost to guard a pocket dimension which imprisons a powerful and malevolent entity. The director of the Abbey at this time is Yashva, who had been running the abbey for fifteen years when she got the news that three people had just entered.

Michael, Jill, and Asha had a long and complicated affair to reach the Abbey, as Asha's knowledge was second hand and limited. The three couldn't quite fit on the dragon, so Michael had to hang from its tail which threw the dragon off balance. They didn't know where to go, so they picked a strand and entered. They reappeared a kilometer down ten minutes later, after spending three days inside the strand, with a fantasy book that mentioned the Order.

The three continued to jump in and out of strands, chasing any leads and mentions of the Abbey and the Order. They faced the problem of lack of money and knowledge of the worlds they were entering. Jill wanted to use magic to help them, but required supplies to perform spells. They eventually navigated through unfamiliar narratives by becoming a con artist gang. Jill would spontaneously adopt over the top characterizations. Asha would make lists to help keep them organized and on track, and was a really good actor after she write out detailed backstories. Jill did not keep to the lists, which would create comedic situations. Michael was a smooth talker, who was the perfect point man to come in after the chaos Jill created.

They used their con artist skills to survive, not take more than they needed and not take anything that would do lasting damage to the people they were taking things from. The more colorful cons were to obtain spell components or to gain information, such as the time Jill and Asha joined a nunnery, or the time they joined an Egyptian royal court, or the time Michael ended up married to the daughter of a mafia don. They once infiltrated a order of ninjas in order to gain the components Jill needed to create a flaming fart demon, which is a spell that came in handy in multiple situations. Asha eventually wrote a book serious about their adventures.

They ended up at a ziggurat in a great Sumerian city, in the center of which they believed was a gate leading to the Abbey. After a three week long plan, they worked their way to the inner sanctum, where they met a giant warthog named General Barlicious Mucklepuck, guardian of the three gates. One gate lead to Sub Level Four, another lead to the Bitlands such as Lolliland, and the third lead to the Decadent Abbey. Asha, Jill, and Michael talked to General Mucklepuck for hours and exchanging stories. General Mucklepuck was the winner of a great tournament in which the rest of his race died, and had spent his time fighting in a long list of wars throughout the metaverse. He was particularly proud of how he defeated Jordan Rathkar, a warrior nomad who destroyed numerous worlds in the search for a fountain of immortality. Jordan would later reincarnate into Jan and a card player named Jesse. General Mucklepuck was troubled by their stories of the gnomes, and promised to help when the time came to battle against them. Then General Mucklepuck opened the gate and Michael, Jill, and Asha entered the Decadent Abbey.

Lloyd says that it's now time for "you woke WAPs to wiggle to the wonderful wacky melodies." This episodes's cover song is "The Drinking Song" by Moxy Fruvous.