Cheeser Spider

These gigantic spiders stalk the deepest and darkest caves, chasms, and forests of Cheesyheim. As well as a ravenous appetite for any mammals and other big bugs that wander near their lairs, cheeser spiders are also always on the prowl for cheese. However, they get high AF on the cheese they hoard rather than stuff their friggin' scary faces with it.

## Description

Cheeser spiders can grow as big as a cow, but there are a few cases that they can even rival a rhino in size! Either way, these stoned arachnids are absolute terrors always ready to sneak attack their prey. They don't build webs like most spiders, but they do lay vast amounts of webbing inside their burrows and on the ground around them to help them detect approaching creatures. Once a potential meal walks over these trip lines of webbing and gets close enough the lair's entrance, the resident cheeser spider will lunge out to capture it in their venomous fangs and grappling spiked claws then drag it inside to feast on it. Cheeser spiders have a particular taste for goats though they'll gladly devour any other creatures they can grab and drag into their lairs; including parm bears and unwary people. Interestingly, cheeser spiders will sometimes leave their web cloaked burrows to track down and ambush cheesers not just for easy food but also to steal the cheeses they've been smoking and smoke them themselves. Once cheesed up, the spiders become cross eyed, hyperactive forces to be reckoned with whose speed and venom strengthen greatly! Biologists believe they do this because they're tempted by the pretty orange and or yellowish color, the enticing aroma, and or some weird instinct compels them to get high. Many common folk say whichever the reason, cheeser spiders are the most terrifying things to ever get high let alone stalk Cheesyheim's darkest corners!

## Useful Tips

Cheeser spiders may only be encountered in the dark and aren't the biggest and toughest creatures in the WTF Realms, but that does not change the fact they're among the most deadly and scariest of wild beasts fit to reign as Cheesyheim's top predators. Luckily, as with everything else, there are ways to get the upper hand over these eight legged freaks.

1. Explosives never fail, especially polka dotted hand grenades.
2. Blunt weapons are preferable in order to crack their tough carapaces, but slashing ones can still penetrate too if they're sharp enough.
3. Cheeser spiders are terrified of polka dots and vulnerable to whipped cream.
4. KILL IT WITH FIRE!! A small fire may light up a cheese stick for smoking or boil cheese in a bong also for smoking, but big ones are a sure way to slay a cheeser spider.
5. Cheeser spiders have multiple eyes but also poor eyesight, so keeping movement to a minimum can help evade the spider's attacks.

## Subspecies

Strangely, a bluish white colored subspecies of cheeser spider called the snowy cheeser spider inhabits the snowy forests, chasms, and caves in Skyrump. These arachnids are tougher and equipped with a stronger paralytic component in their venom. They're also more agile which helps them evade larger predators. Cheesing up has its origins in Cheesyheim, but that didn't stop the snowy cheeser from prowling Skyrump's shadows. Like with the original cheeser spider, cheesing up wasn't exactly a driving force in its evolution but a perk in its survival. That sucks because it means there's more than one type of giant freaking spider in the WTF Realms...

## Significance to WTF Culture

As stated already, cheeser spiders are among the most terrifying wildlife in the WTF Realms mainly because they're giant freaking spiders!! This along with their deadly hunting tactics and intriguing habits for cheesing themselves up made the huge arachnids a symbolic animal to the Pingas Gnomes and other cheesers. Artifacts in the Parmhead Citadel are adorned with a symbol depicting a cheeser spider eating a parm bear, the only other wild beast in all the realms known to get as high as the spider.

Like crack crabs, cheeser spiders are often hunted for their chitin which is often ground into a powder and smoked or snorted. And just like with crack crab shells, this is an illegal act. Do it and you'll be sentenced to 69 hours of disco dancing to Scream-O!

## References

The cheeser spider (and it's snowy subspecies) is heavily based on Skyrim's frostbite spider except it gets cross eyed when cheesed up. It's hunting strategy is also based on trapdoor spiders and tarantulas.

Sauce: https://elderscrolls.fandom.com/wiki/Frostbite\_Spider\_(Skyrim)