Episode 39: WEATHER

https://globehell.libsyn.com/

## Episode Summary

There are only a few seasons, four or six can get you seven, but what about the rest of the time? Weather is what brings us all together so more weather will give us so much to talk about. What what should we talk about? How are you? There is so much for us to talk about. Lets talk about WEATHER. What's it mean?

## Idea Details

* Idea: Illuminati global warming technology, new seasons, WEATHER
* Creator of idea: Josiah
* Purpose of idea: Drew, today, so speaking of uh speaking of um greetings and communication among people and - (Drew: "Let's talk!") - uh greeti- and uh small talk and the ways that people uh banter about things and discuss various topics and get through to the topics and uh engage with one another regarding and surrounding topics, you know what my favorite thing to talk to people about these days is something called the weather!
* Timetable: No timetable was given. However, implementation of this idea will eradicate all future construction. This implies that it will take place after all other ideas discussed on Globe Hell Warning have already been created, including World Wide Train (noun) which will never need to be repaired, and Boaty McBoatface, and World Wide Watch, and World Wide Walk, and the Globe Hole which will be turned into Globe Bowl during the season where everyone in the world hotboxes the sun with weed. This technology to burn different combinations of things to create different seasons already exists, it just needs to be used by people other than the Illuminati. It will presumably be ready very soon.
* Idea details:
	+ Most people right now think there are six kinds of weather: sunny, cloudy, rainy, Stormy Daniels, snowy, and windy. But actually that's a lie because there's only two seasons on Earth: winter and construction.
	+ Two seasons isn't enough weather to make jokes about.
	+ The Illuminati are making global warming by controlling the weather to make us pay more taxes, so we can just use that global warming technology to create some new kinds of seasons so that we can have more. This will make it so there's more variety and more kinds of seasons.
	+ Experimenting with the global warming technology will involve burning different things. For example, if one mixed some Greek yogurt with something like glue so it hardens and then lit that on fire, then what would the weather be like? This process would involve sort of sacrificing different things to the skies via fire to see what happens.
	+ One new season that will be created is where the blue of the sky becomes water and then the ground is air and then for that season we are fish. We will use artificial 3D printed gills called Amphibio to do so. We will still have to walk on the bottom of the water, even though it will be tempting to swim to the top.
	+ Another new season is a month-long brain storm where if you go outside during that season then your brain will be liquified and it will go out your ears. If this happens, you will probably die.
	+ People need things to talk about that are not divisive. Talking about politics is divisive but talking about weather is not, but we're running out of seasons since now there's only two seasons: winter and construction. To remedy this, a new season will come out almost every two weeks.
	+ Another new season is nightday, which is self-explanatory.
	+ Another new season is Merlin season and everything turns into a puff of smoke. Everyone will exist as vapor for that season as just kind of ethereal vapor smoke in the air.
	+ Seasons will be created by experimenting with burning different things into the air and seeing what you get, sort of like experimenting with cooking recipes. For example, if another new season is where everyone is constantly orgasming for six weeks and can't stop because of the air, then maybe you would burn shredded porno mags or possibly send millions of scented candles into space and then burn those. But maybe the recipe doesn't come out quite right and so for that season, maybe it only affects some people.
	+ Another new season is where every cloud is a hurricane. Also just for this one season, human beings are invincible to hurricanes.
	+ Another new season is the volcano tide / lava tide, where instead of high tide coming in, lava will come in. So water will go out back into the ocean and then get replaced with lava that will come back in on the volcano tide. A new kind of lava surfing will be born from this season.
	+ The human experience will change drastically by adapting to each of the new seasons.
	+ Another new season is festival season, where you'll have different festivals, such as crafting festivals, music festivals, and food festivals.
	+ A new season of WandaVision on Disney+ will come out. This season will be formally recognized by meteorologists as a new season. During WandaVision season, the TV recappers will get to work as meteorologists on the news.
	+ This will be a huge job creator in many sectors, including in the meteorological sphere. Dealing with lava tide and constant cumming and everyone turning into a puff of smoke will be a lot to talk about on the evening news.
	+ Another new season is Old Bay Spice. This season will reflect the common accusation lobbed at white people that they don't season, so this will pay tribute to non-white people by having a season that is a 'season'.
	+ Not everyone will love every season, and that's OK.
	+ Another new season might make the water cooler turn into a ball of fire once a year.
	+ Another new season will be where worms rule the planet. A worm will crawl up you, crawl into your ear, take control of your body, and then it runs the government and eats dirt.
	+ Another new season will be where all of the dirt and soil in the ground in the world turn into chocolate fudge brownie mix and then you can go outside and scoop it up and mix it with vegetable oil and an egg and make brownies with it.
	+ Another new season will involve everyone hotboxing the sun with weed to create a global warming season. With the ozone, the smoke won't leak into space, so we will just need to convert the Globe Hole into the Globe Bowl.
	+ Some things that can be burned to create new seasons include old clothes, buildings, and criminals. We will need to run some tests on the leftover criminal dust to see whether what burns off is the bad stuff, leaving only good dust, or whether you burn off the good stuff, leaving only bad dust.
	+ Instead of burning things, we can also try freezing the sun. All of these things will just be tests and experiments, so it's OK if someone makes a mistake and messes something up.
	+ Another new season is destruction, as a counter to construction, which is one of the only two seasons that currently exist: winter and construction.
	+ We will drill a hole into the core of the planet and put all of the nuclear arsenals of all the different governments into the core of the Earth and detonate them. It sounds dangerous but it also sounds like a possible opportunity to create some new seasons.
	+ Another new season will involve everyone keeping all their piss in jars and leaving them on the windowsill and then the sun absorbs all that piss like how it does with water, and evaporates all the piss in this season of piss. Perhaps it would even turn into something that's not piss, such as lemonade rain.
	+ Another new season will involve collecting your semen in jars whenever you masturbate starting around the age of 16 or so. On your 30th birthday, someone will come to the door in a big cement truck that's been repurposed into a semen truck. They will collect all the semen that's been stored up over the years and then they'll drive along and pull a lever to perfectly distribute a thin layer of your semen on the road. This relates to weather because it is outside and because if there's a bunch of dry boys' semen on the road, that will probably affect the way rain lands on the roads. This is also an opportunity to be poetic because we can scientifically modify the rain so that it is eggs that rain down on the cum road.
	+ Another new season will involve everything being perpetually on fire and when you touch the fire it feels cold.
	+ Once the new global warming season technology is implemented, there will be no more construction anywhere on Earth because enough is enough and we're done with construction. The only people who will miss construction are the construction workers, so they will be given jobs driving the semen trucks, whereby they will collect the semen and then distribute it onto the roads. One person will be responsible for driving the truck and depositing the semen and then somebody else will come behind it and smooth it out, whether they do it by hand or by some other means.

## Devil Play

* Drew played devil by pointing out that there are six types of weather and construction is not one of them.
	+ Josiah asked if he was insinuating that the people in the videos they were watching are liars.
	+ Drew reiterated that he just didn't understand and asked to clarify if there might be more than only six types of weather.
	+ Josiah responded that some places only have two: winter and construction. And so you're privileged if you have six.
	+ Drew pointed out that these two make seven.
	+ Josiah showed Drew some more videos about how there are two seasons: winter and construction.

## Notable Events

* Gullible Warning
* Drew revealed that he sits on the toilet to piss.
* Josiah revealed that he gets on his knees and penetrates between the seat and the bowl and pees through that slit.
	+ Note: He refused to reveal how he goes No. 2, though presumably it is with a similar maneuver.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "A Beginners Guide To Debating".
* This episode introduced the Globe Hell Salute, which involves giving the peace sign with one hand and the hang loose sign with the other hand simultaneously and then switching them back and forth.
* Josiah revealed that he makes the Globe Hell Salute any time he is speaking on the show.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "The weather for kids | Learn vocabulary in English | New vocabulary for kids" about how there are six kinds of weather: sunny, cloudy, rainy, Stormy Daniels, snowy, and windy.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Kindergarten Weather Report" about the weather and Pokémon cards.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Spring Jokes   Weather Jokes" where an AI told spring jokes   weather jokes.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Must-see: 5 weather jokes with comedian Ron James" where Ron James told weather jokes.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "2 Seasons In Illinois" about how there are two seasons in Illinois: winter and road construction.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Rehberg Blasts Wasting Money on Stimulus Road Signs" about how there are only two seasons in Montana: winter and construction.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Construction Zone Accident & Injury Lawyer in Chicago" about how there are only two seasons in Chicago: winter and construction.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Quebec Construction Workers Strike - PRESS TV" about how there's two seasons in Quebec: winter and construction season.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Ramping up spring construction in Rochester" about how there are two seasons in Rochester: winter and construction.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "There's Two Seasons in Chicago - Winter and Construction!" about how there are two seasons in Chicago: winter and construction.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Winter & Construction - The Only Seasons in Wisconsin" about 2017 construction occurring in Appleton, Wisconsin.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Police issue warning for drivers on M-59" about the legend of Michigan and its two seasons: winter and construction.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Ottawa Pot Holes" about how Ottawa has two seasons: winter and construction.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Want to work in road construction? Here's what you need to know about training" about how Michigan has two seasons: winter and construction.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Cycling Campaign Tell'em Talk with FULL overlays" about how Ottawa has two seasons: winter and construction.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Winter and Construction by Liam Moore", which was a live performance of a song called *Winter and Construction* by Liam Moore at Source Song Festival in Minneapolis, MN.
* Josiah and Drew listened to a song called "Winter and Construction" by Girlfriend Material about how someone the singer knows says there are two seasons in this town: winter and construction.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "It's ALWAYS Construction Seasons Inside Our Every Cell" about how Chicago has two seasons: winter and construction.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Bob Layton's Editorial - September 10, 2014" about how it's said Edmonton has two seasons: winter and construction.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Top 5 Tips: Working With Construction" about how there are two seasons in Canada: winter and construction.
* Josiah and Drew listened to winter sound effects and construction sound effects at the same time to represent the two seasons: winter and construction. After a while they paused the winter sound effects because it was a bit overwhelming. The construction sound effects alone were more familiar and better represented what life is and what they want to change.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "3D Printed Gills Could Allow Humans to Breathe Underwater" about how humans could be fish for the season where we turn the blue of the sky into water and the ground into air.

## Notable Quotes

### Josiah

* "Gulllllib- Gullible. Gullible Warning! Gullible Warning. Gullible Warning!"
* "What's your worst decision that you've made uh in your life thus far? Maybe your darkest, uh most - your deepest regret and darkest secret and biggest shame as a person and the thing that keeps you up at night but also makes it so that you can't leave your bed because of the dread caused by this brutal mistake that you've made, you piece of shit, my co-host Drew. Welcome to the show."
* "Well I sort of, when I pee, I do it the more traditional way of uh I get down on my knees and sort of penetrate between the seat and the bowl and pee through that slit."
* "[In response to Drew's question about how he goes No. 2] Well that's private. And that's not something that I feel comfortable telling you about."
* "Actually, speaking of - to - not to do a traditional podcaster sorta thing uh but I do wanna say lock the gates quickly and let you know I just shit my pants pow. Uh there's - speaking of toilets and wanting to fuck the toilet, we have The Toilet Tapes are up now on Patreon uh Globe Hell Patreon, The Toilet Tapes are on. The Toilet Tapes are here."
* "You get a free Cameo from us uh one time a month, it's totally free, for $5 a month, you get a Cameo totally free. It's actually two - it's cheaper, cause it's two-for-one. And it's also free, cause it comes with free with it. You're paying for the extra episodes The Toilet Tapes. Toilet Tapes."
	+ Note: Drew agreed with this statement of Josiah's, which seems to indicate a certain misunderstanding on the part of both hosts as to the structure of their own podcast's Patreon tiers. The $5/month Globe Hell Warning Patreon tier states the following (as of March 31, 2021):
		- **Personalized Video For $5**
			* Hello everyone, welcome to the first Tier of the Globe Hell Patreon webpage. We could call it the first circle of hell but I'm too dumb to think that up. Okay for the $5 tier you will receive a personalized Cameo style message as well as access to bonus episodes.
				+ Thank You Message
	+ Note (cont'd): This Patreon tier description clearly suggests that, if anything, the $5/month is primarily going towards the Cameos, and that it is in fact the access to bonus episodes that "comes free with it". Additionally, at no point does the Patreon tier description state anything about the Cameos being a monthly service; it says "a personalized Cameo style message". Josiah and Drew are well within their rights to reduce the number of Patreon episodes they perform each month (all the way from 1 to 0), so long as they perform one (1) Cameo video for each of their $5/month Patreon subscribers.
* "[In response to Drew saying that one of the things that they do on this show is play devil] Why are you telling me - why are you telling me that? I obviously know that. Why are you telling me that as if I don't know? But why would you present something like that to *me* as if I didn't know it, because I obviously know - I'm here every fuckin time, I know! It's taking a huge mental toll on me to be playing devil. Don't tell *me* how we - I know that we do that. Don't address me and then tell me something obvious as if I'm a fuckin moron, it's insulting."
* "You know the other thing, the moderator was asking me why *you* insist on having a podium when we don't have podiums, and I just didn't have the heart to tell him that it's cause you're jacking off while you debate."
* "[In response to Drew saying it's not true that he insists on having a podium while he debates so he can jack off] I can see you. I'm on the stage beside you and I can see what you're doing and I can hear the little 'ftt ftt ftt ftt ftt ftt ftt ftt ftt', and I can't even - I think to myself, you know, if I was a lesser person, I would make some sort of masturbate-debate joke, but I'm actually just disgusted that Drew's getting off in front of this - behind this podium in front of this room full of people. And for some reason, it's all senior citizens that watch our debates."
* "[In response to Drew suggesting that they watch a video that gives tips on how to debate so they can try to improve the show] I don't - I mean, again, already, sorry to play devil, I don't think the show needs to be better, and I think that's a pretty fucked up thing to say. I think there's a point of getting too good where it's kind of like - it's inconceivable to the audience. That here's something so good that they just can't - they can't even - I mean, it's kind of like uh how audiences hated *Breaking Bad* at first, it was just too perfect."
* "I'm wearing a diaper."
* "Are those boys wearing tights?"
* "[While watching a video of young boys talking about debating] And which one of them is jacking off?"
* "[In response to Drew asking if he knows any judges] I know some *judg*mental pricks named Drew."
* "[In response to Drew saying he doesn't think they should shake hands due to COVID] Yeah, but I think we should use sorta the technology of uh modern sort of fucktoy devices and create a shake hand one. Where we put our hands in and it's - I mean, we could still - I'm just g- I've never - I don't think I've ever shaken your hand, but I'm guessing it would probably feel similar to uh pocket pussy - it would be soaking wet and warm and uh sort of squelchy. So we could just - I could put my hand in there and it would feel like your - shaking your hand. And I think that would help us a lot."
* "[On the topic of what kind of fucktoy he would need to simulate the feeling of shaking Drew's hand] Probably I could just get a used one - a used uh fleshlight or something, it would p- feel similar to your hand. Diseased and..."
* "I guess night is not really weather, is it?"
* "[In response to Drew saying Josiah is talking about creating artificial weather] Well no, it's not artificial. Like I'm saying let's do some more fossils. Let's burn some more fossils to make it warmer, or let's try doing some other stuff - putting some other stuff into the sky and see what happens and we can see if we can come up with some new ones!"
* "Let's try different things! Burning different things! Like maybe what if we mixed some Greek yogurt with something like glue so it hardens and light that on fire, what would that - then what would the weather be like? Sort of sacrifice different things to the skies via fire and see what happens!"
* "[On the topic of new seasons that could be created] I mean, I was already thinking of one, maybe we could have like a sort of uh some sort of season where like the sky becomes water and then there's no more - the - so it's like the blue of the sky is actually water and then the ground is maybe air? And then we kind of like, for that season we're fish?"
* "I just want us to think - sort of be creative and think what could some new seasons be like, and I think one where the air is water and we - and - but you still have to walk on bottom of the water. It would be tempting to swim to the top, but that's not fair."
* "[In response to Drew saying we would drown if the air became water and the water became air] That's why we're gonna get gills! Pay attention! Why don't you pay attention?? That's what I'm saying!"
* "[On the topic of having your brain liquified if you go outside during the month-long brain storm season] So you can't go outside, you're saying. Or is it good to become liquified?"
* "[On the topic of the new season nightday] It's just a season where the night is becomes the day. Sounds more of like a day - like a 24-hour period, rather than -"
* "What if there's a season that is - that everyth- it's called Merlin season and everything turns into a puff of smoke. And we all just kind of exist as vapor for that season. Uh we're just kind of ethereal vapor smoke in the air."
* "[In response to Drew saying Merlin season isn't really a season because it's changing everyone's state of being, as opposed to being related to weather] Of course it is! Morning dew? These kinds of things? Water being evaporated? It's all science! Science - seasons. You can't spell 'scien-' - you can't spell 'season' without 'science' is what I've uh believe to be true."
* "[On the topic of creating new seasons] But every once in a while, you accidentally make something delicious! Or if it's a Pinterest fail, you get to go viral cause of how much of a cringe fail you did on Pinterest."
* "Think of the kind of seasons that could happen if we burned criminals alive."
* "What if we all pissed into jars - what if everyone just started keeping all their piss in jars and left them on the windowsill and then the sun uh absorbed all that piss like how it does with water, and evaporated all the piss and then there was sort of a season of piss, or maybe it would turn into something that's not piss. You never know, what if it turned into something - lemonade! Lemonade rain!"
* "[On the topic of the season where you store your semen from the age of 16 and then a person comes to your door on your 30th birthday in a big truck to collect all your stored up jars of semen] With a c- it says 'cement mixer'. A 'cemen' - a 'cemen' mix- a 'cemen' - a 'cemen' mixer."
* "[In response to Drew's idea about storing your semen in jars from the age of 16 to 30 and then a person in a cement mixer picking it up and then depositing a layer of it onto the roads, and how that idea relates to weather] Well, being outside. I mean, if there's a bunch of dry uh s- boys' semen on the road, I think that is gonna affect even the way rain is lands on it or uh, you know, the - or maybe we could have it - uh maybe then we could cr- the road is covered in semen and then we make it so that rain is uhh I guess eggs that rain down onto the semen and then that could be a thing where there sort of is an beautiful poetic image of the semen meeting the egg as the uh egg rain lands on the cum road."

### Drew

* "[On the topic of Gullible Warning] Gullible. Gullible Warning, uh oh! Uh stick that on my head, because I've been known to make a few bad decisions every once in a while, get talked into - "
* "Well the thing that keeps me up at night with, you know, keeping me up but also keeping me in the bed, it's often a bladder issue. It's like, do I wanna get up and sit on the toilet and try and squeeze this piss out for 20 minutes or do I just wanna try and see if I can sleep through this thing?"
* "[In response to Josiah's question about sitting on the toilet to piss] Yeah, what else would I be doing on the toilet?"
* "And how do you do No. 2? Or No. 3, for that matter?"
* "Patreon.com/globehell. For $5 a month, you get access to uh we did one episode this month and uh many - The Toilet Tapes - and many uh you get a Cameo. We record many Cameos."
* "Josiah, one of the things that we do on this show is play devil. But sometimes - just let me. Just let me. Josiah, something we do - we play devil. But we don't engage in debate in the traditional sense. We don't sit down and give a speech and then have the other person give a speech and then have the moderator say, 'Uh, yes uh give me five minutes on -' \*Josiah interrupts to say, "'Josiah wins,' is what they would say"\* - they don't say that. They don't - they wouldn't say that. They'd say, 'Josiah, Josiah, looks like your pants are sagging, did you uh do huge dumps of diarrhea in there during the debate?'."
	+ Note: Drew is essentially explaining the process by which the oracle debates people with good ideas, though he also throws fireballs along the way.
* "[In response to Josiah saying that audiences hated *Breaking Bad* at first because it was too perfect] I liked *Breaking Bad* right from the start. And I remember a buzz. But go off."
* "[In response to Josiah saying he's wearing a diaper] I'll take mine off, then."
* "[While watching a video of young boys talking about debating] Oh, I think he was jacking off there."
* "So I need a dildo then. For my end."
* "Shut the fuck up, Josiah."
* "Fuck off!"
* "[On the topic of some places only having two seasons: winter and construction] Well, you could almost rewrite this for 2020 and 2021, and say there's only two types of weather: uh winter and COVID."
* "[On the topic of the season where the blue of the sky is water and the ground is air] Well would there be any land? Cause the water would become air. What about for those - I mean, most of us are on land right now, so the water - the air became water and the water became air, we would - most of us would be trapped - we would drown."
* "[On the topic of a season with a brain storm] What if it was something like - OK um if you go outside for this - during this uh month-long period, your brain will instantly become liquified."
* "[In response to Josiah's question about whether it's good for your brain to become liquified] No, it would be bad. It would go out your ears and you would die probably."
* "Here's an idea for a season: nightday. I don't think it needs much explanation."
* "It's such a - like a egocentric thing to talk about days. Days and months, these human-created things. When there's aliens on different planets who don't experience time the same, or who live in different dimensions, and it's just - it's something that I'm trying to get away from, so I'm just uh - so instead of talking about uh months and days uh as in being uh having night and day, we'll talk about uh uh just uh uh days of uh just different uh night um and uh we'll be - well yeah, Jos- J- I'm talking about nightday! You understand."
* "[On the topic of Merlin season turning everyone into kind of ethereal vapor smoke in the air] So, I guess, for - I mean, we're now - uh - I mean, these are just different states of being, I mean, completely different than weather, these are - we're talking about changing, I mean like, everything becomes vapor? It's not like a season."
* "Does fire turn you on, Josiah? Because that's a s- I mean, that's a warn- that's a red flag, right there."
* "Well, here's my idea for our first kind of pilot project. What if we were to, like you said, we don't wanna be babies anymore, we wanna do something, we wanna do something bold, we wanna do something adventurous. What if we were to drill a hole into the core of the planet and to put all uhh all of the nuclear arsenals of all the different governments into the core of the Earth and detonate them?"
* "You didn't think there were a few pinched fingers when they invented the wheel? I think they were - there were a lot of pinched fingers and I think if we're not willing to blow up our bombs or to burn up our garbage or to freeze the sun, then I think there's big problems for what we're going to be talking about."
* "What if, starting around the age of 16 or so, you start collecting your semen in jars whenever you masturbate, just keep it behind your desk by your bed and nobody will be able -"
* "[On the topic of sources of collected semen] No, it's different. It has to - it's not pure. It's not pure if it's not from your own hand."
* "[Continuing his idea for a season where you collect all your semen in jars from the age of 16] You store those up for a few years, maybe until you're 30. Then there's gonna be someone - on your 30th birthday, there'll be somebody who comes to the door in a big truck and says, 'Hey, pal,' basic- yeah, basically a cement mixer. Exactly. And they'll collect it all, and then they'll drive along, and they'll - he'll - or whoever's driving will pull a lever and it'll distribute it perfectly on the road. A thin layer of your semen on the road. I don't know how it relates to weather but we're just talking about bold ideas."
* "I feel - yeah. I think a city can be a season, I think uhh a season can be a season, I think we need to be bold, I think we need to be adventurous, I think we need to collect our urine, collect our semen, I think we need to blow up the core of the planet, I think we need to have more things to talk about, because that's at the end of the day what weather is."

## Trivia

* This is the second main episode title in all-caps, after Episode 38: CLOWNFTDT, and the third such episode overall including the Patreon episode J.O.S.I.A.H..
* One of the stated purposes of Episode 3: World Wide Rainforest was to stabilize the world's climate.
* In Episode 25: Secret Christmas, it was revealed that the Pope and his secret cabal of world leaders will scientifically engineer the weather on the day of Secret Christmas so that it will be a White Christmas everywhere in the world. Presumably this will simply become one of the new seasons.
* This is the second episode involving depositing cum out of a moving vehicle, with the semen trucks in this episode plainly echoing the tipping technology of World Wide Train (noun) that allows the piss, shit, and cum to drip out the back into the ocean near the Equator.