Life is a PARANORMAL COPS: HARD EVIDENCE

Still from Special

## Overview

Dan, Danials, and a few others, record an Episode of Dan's TV Series, PARANORMAL COPS: HARD EVIDENCE. This group are on the hunt for Ghosts, I mean Spirits(Avoiding Copyright). In this Video of the LIAT Series, they will come across Strange and Weird Fellows.

YouTube Link to the Video

## Plot

It Begins with Dan, Eggman, and Danials discussing. The three are waiting for someone else and Dan is growing displeased his late arrival. He explains to his Comrades (as well as the Audience) about they were close to finding the Ghost of Doctor Satan. Eggman persists Doctor Satan doesn't exist. However, Dan has seen things and he truly believes he's out there. Danials asks about a person named Jeff the Killer. Dan informs his Cameraman that Jeff had cancelled since he was on his Honeymoon.

Dan grows wary of people cancelling and becomes upset. Just to had to his list of Problems. Eggman exclaims he must leave due to a Family Emergency. Dan of course replies with the information that his whole Family is Dead. Eggman is kind of pissed off and just insults Dan by a massive level. Turns out Danials was recording all of that, so Dan asks him to cut it. As they worry with the knowledge maybe they arrived to another destination, the man they've been waiting for arrives. Dan quickly begins the Intro to PARANORMAL COPS: HARD EVIDENCE. A Show of Dan and Danials.

Starring...

* Dan Graves as the Host and in fucking Pain
* A Legally Signed **Ghost** OMG!
* Danials as The District Camerman
* Vector Alphonso Sbroose as A Fucking Psychic
* Jeff the Killer as Occult Expert and Creepyasta Celebrity Imao Nice
* Sergeant Hastagazpacho as OH FUCK A FUCKING COP! SHIT! DANIALS PACK IT THE FUCK UP BEFORE HE HEARS US!
* Dr, Eggman as Depressed

After the Intro, it comes back the four. Where the show cut back into Dan saying about Dead Bodies. Either way, Dan interviews **Johnathan Coldsteele**. Dan asks about the tragedy of Spirit, with John (for short) saying "You mean Ghost?". Dan asks Danials to remove that in post, to avoid Copyright Issues. John does in fact mention he knows him and is happy to answer questions regarding him. Dan asks what was his earliest memory of him, since the Two were friends. John replies being insulting Dan for saying Baby at the end. After Dan didn't understand what John just said, he asks for a Translator. But Eggman can understand perfectly.

John explains his earliest memory is Spirit and John were committing War Crimes, near the **Old Fuck Factory**. He said that was their mission that was, he explains their last mission didn't end up to well. This was about Two years ago. Dan asks to learn more. He explains that that was the day he was excecated for his Crimes against the Crown. It was an Execution of Excessive Cum. After a lengthy session of John explaining his Last Words, Dan moves the Conversation along. He asks if he thinks a Soul can still in the mortal realm. John agrees that Spirit is defiantly still here and he interested in finding him.

Dan does in fact have a Device that can do this, actually Eggman does. Eggman's device is called the **Egginator 4000**. It's a device that filters out Audio to detect Ghostly Talk or some random bullshit. Dan will use this Device, as well as his Negotiation Skills to communicate with Spirit. Dan asks John to lead him to the last spot Spirit was last alive. John agrees and takes them there. Sometime later, I mean like...a Day, the three lose their guide. Dan asks Eggman is he can track him, but Eggman refuses.

But Dan Demands they find him, they need him to find the Ghost of Spirit. But for now, he decides to film himself discussing on the area and it's history. As well as made up shit, like John being possessed and had wandered into the ruins of this place. Dan asks Eggman for the tracker, but what Eggman does is beat the shit out of Dan. He is then rudely interrupted by a Few Strangers. Dan asks Danials if they had Funding for Actors. Danials tells him he has no idea who these two are. Dan introduces himself and the show they are currently filming. The Two introduces themselves as **Hunter** and **Winston**, another group of Ghost Hunters. However, we get some Dialogue from Hunter that this is not true at all.

Dan believes the yare from Sonic's Knock off Show. Which Eggman exclaims in Great Anger. Dan too, grows mad himself about them involving themselves in their Show. The Two are curious about Dan, they ask if he's from the 80s, a Time Traveler? Dan explains he is, and he wants revenge to Shade from Nuking his Entire Family and Friends. Eggman laughs at this, calling it Hilarious. After a brief Argument and stuff, Danials records Hunter and Winston. Winston introduces himself as a Ghost Hunter. Dan grows warry of the factor they are taking his fame. Winston continues to explain about him and Hunter.

Suddenly, Eggman's Lawyer arrives, talking Discord and Shit. Winston and Hunter instantly hate this Man. Dan shoots the Lawyer. Whilst the Ghost Hunters are Happy about this, Eggman is furious. Hunter and Winston decide they'll just leave and do some Universe Jumping. Dan is confused by this and asks Danials, Danials informs them that's what they have been doing. Dan ultimately decides to leave and get some B-Rolls. Eggman threatens the two i they are working for Sonic, he will skin them alive. It appears these two know who Dr. Eggman is. Eggman eventually goes with Dan and Danials. As they find a new location, John comes out of nowhere and hits Eggman.

They soon arrive to the resting place of Spirit. Eggman once again interrupts Dan and the Show. After a quick argument, John tells them he wants to continue to Episode, to better find Spirit's Ghost. Dan asks Eggman to draw the Egginator 4000 Device. he does so, now feeling whatever. Dan ask his Question, *is the Ghost of Spirit Present?* It takes some time, but Spirit responds. Dan is Excited that the Device is Working. Dan asks another Question, but Spirit does not respond. Dan asked again. Spirit replies once more. He tells them they need to go to **The Forest of Fuck**.

They Decide to go, but before they do, Dan asks if there was a Alternative place to go. John tells him that was his Favorite Place and they need to go there. The Reason why Dan doesn't want to go is for the fact it's on Dan Island. Which was once called, **Isla De Los Muertos**, where Dan found his Holographic Device. They decide to go there, since they need too.

They Arrive to the Forest of Fuck. As Dan explains his Past, Eggman interrupts him again. As they fight, John moves right ahead into the Forest, looking for his Spirit's Ghost. Dan demands to have a Way to find a Ghost. But Eggman refuses to help, and doesn't even believe in Ghosts. Just to have something, Dan acts like he's being attacked. But this does not work. Dan makes a Ghost, by shooting John and leaving. He's done with this shit. As they go on, a Cop arrives, Sergeant Hastagazpancho. Dan and Eggman run, as Danials records on and talking to the Audience. Dan asks him what he's doing, then he is hit from behind from the Cop.

## Fun Facts

* This was a crossover with machinima creator Freelancer Bacon. His video is down, so this remains as the sole evidence of that encounter
* Dan's flying through the air at the end was unexpected, yet was kept in because honestly that was fucking amazing
* Dan is confirmed to be 31 this episode
* Johnathan Coldsteele is incorrectly identified as Isaac Coldwater, that is a reference to a crew member who had a character of the same name

## Script

Life is a PARANORMAL COPS: HARD EVIDENCE

EXT. BLACKOUT - DAY

DAN, DANIELS and EGGMAN are out, seeming to wait for something.

DAN:

Fuck me, he better show. I am NOT wasting more time, not tonight. We were THIS close to finding the ghost of Dr. Satan, but of course, those cultists fucks with their… guh.

EGGMAN:

I KEEP TELLING YOU DR. SATAN IS A FUCKING HOAX!

DAN:

Yeah yeah, just you see, baby. I’ve seen things. I know everything.

DANIELS:

Hey, where’s Jeff? I thought he would be here for the spiritual awareness segment.

DAN:

He took today off for a honeymoon. Fuck. God damn it. I swear… if one more person fucking cancels… I’m-

EGGMAN:

I HAVE A FAMILY EMERGENCY.

DAN:

Your whole fucking family is dead, you moronic fuck!

EGGMAN:

DON’T YOU MORONIC FUCK ME, YOU CUM-GUZZLING REMANT OF A SEMEN SPONGE!

DAN:

I’ll moronic fuck whoever I want, baby.

(To Daniels)

You’re not rolling, right?

DANIELS:

I sure am!

DAN:

Cut the feed.

DANIELS:

Oh, yep. Sure thing, Dan.

DAN:

This was the place to meet Coldwater, right? Like, we got the address and time.

EGGMAN:

COLD FEET I BET.

DAN:

Cold cock… yeah… of course.

COLDSTEELE walks up to the group.

COLDSTEELE:

Oi, argy bargy o’clock in’t?

DAN:

Oh hello! Hey, baby! Welcome to PARANORMAL COPS: HARD EVIDENCE. Starring me, your host, Dan Graves, internet enthusiast and king of the mole people. Cue intro!

DAN looks to the screen as we cut to the great intro made by Kiefer. Okay nevermind I did it, lmao jesus fuck. We now cut back to reality.

DAN:

-Swear I caught him fucking a dead body or something it was- fuck we’re rolling.

DAN turns to face COLDSTEELE.

DAN:

Uhh… are you Isaac Coldwater?

COLDSTEELE:

Ay nah bruv, Johnathan Coldsteele’s tha name, bruv in’t haha. You couple of blokes wanting a lil’ ol’ chat, aight?

DAN:

Little ol… yeah, yeah, yep. An interview. We’re uncovering the tragedy of Spirit.

COLDSTEELE:

Oi yeh mean Ghost, aight in’t?

DAN:

Daniels, bleep that in post. Copyright issues.

COLDSTEELE:

Oi yeh I know a thin’ or two or three ‘bout the fella. Watcha’ looking for bruv?

DAN:

What’s your earliest memory you have of him? I understand he was your friend, baby.

COLDSTEELE:

Baby? What are ya some kinda Austin Powers nancy pancy doodle cock of yankee salami-gumly desolate fuck?

DAN:

Daniels, get a translator in post too.

EGGMAN:

I KNOW WHAT HE’S SAYING!

DAN:

Good, what did he say?

EGGMAN:

YOU FUCKING SUCK AND YOU SHOULD FUCK OFF ALREADY SO I CAN KILL SONIC!

DAN:

Right, no. Good one, baby.

COLDSTEELE:

Me earliest memory would ave’ to be when uh… when we were committing war crimes down near the ol’ fuck factory on 7th ave, it be.

DAN:

Great.

COLDSTEELE:

That was our first mission, that was. Then… our last mission occurred just shy of 2 years ago it be.

DAN:

Oh my, can you tell us what happened?

COLDSTEELE:

Ye. It be the day he was executed for his crimes against the crown. Execution by excessive cum. He… SNIFFS… he always said to me… Johno you dog cunt, don’t ye rat out me hash stash, ya hear? Else you’re a dog cunt for life bruv. But… you’ll always be my… my… my sick cunt… ay b-bruv?

Of course I hear ya… Ghost-

DAN:

Spirit.

COLDSTEELE:

‘Course I hear ye…

DAN:

Man, what a heart-wrenching story. So he’s dead and all, yada-yada-yada. Do you believe his soul could still be within this realm?

COLDSTEELE:

O’ course, Daniel. It be in his veins. He were always a fighter, wan’t?

DAN:

Uh… sure. Okay well, good thing we have Eggman’s new device. A… a… what the fuck is it called again?

EGGMAN:

THE EGGINATOR 4000! IT’S A DEVICE THAT FILTERS OUT AUDIO TO DETECT GHOSTLY TALK OR SOME SHIT! I DUNNO WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANTED!

DAN:

Yep yeah Ghostinator 4000. We will use this and my skills of negotiation to talk with Spirit. Now… can you lead us to where he last… well… was last alive?

COLDSTEELE turns and jumps off the building.

DAN:

Well… we’re taking the stairs. Come on, guys.

DAN turns and walks off as DANIELS follows.

Cut to

EXT. LAST RESORT - DAY

DAN, EGGMAN and DANIELS stand outside of the gate.

DAN:

Where the fuck did he go? It’s been all fucking day and we lost him? Eggman, surely you have a way to track him right?

EGGMAN:

NO! FUCK OFF!

DAN:

No fuck you, we need him, Eggman. We have the start of this tale, but now we need Coldsteele, to find the ghost of… Spirit. Boom chicka chickaaaa…

(Pause)

Fuck it, let’s just get this part out of the way, find Coldsteele later. Okay let’s set this up.

EGGMAN:

I’M CALLING MY LAWYER!

DAN:

Go ahead, bitch, we’ll see who comes out on top.

EGGMAN:

I’LL FUCKING TOP YOUR ASS!

DAN:

Huh?

EGGMAN:

MY LAWYER WILL ARRIVE ANY MINUTE NOW!

DAN:

Whatever. Okay, action!

DAN does a 360, then faces DANIELS.

DAN:

We’re now at an ancient burial ground, where Spirit once visited. Coldsteele has been possessed and ventured off into these ruins. Perhaps, we can find where he went and maybe… just maybe… save his soul… Eggman, do you have the tracker?

EGGMAN:

YES! HERE!

EGGMAN punches DAN and teabags him.

DAN:

(Unholy screeching)

EGGMAN:

HAHAHAHA! TAKE THAT, BITCH!

Cue Team47 crossover… They run up to the group.

HUNTER:

Hey Winston.

WINSTON:

Yeah, Hunter?

HUNTER:

Do you hear the sound… of someone getting their ass kicked severely?

WINSTON:

Indeed, I wonder where the sound is coming from.

HUNTER and WINSTON run up to the group.

HUNTER:

Whoah!

EGGMAN:

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS!?

DAN gets up

DAN:

Daniels you never told me we had funding for actors

DANIELS:

Oh I have no clue who they are.

DAN:

Huh?

WINSTON:

Who the hell are we? I could ask you the same thing

HUNTER:

Hey winston, I think we found a group of the coo-coo's

WINSTON:

You make a strong point!

DANIELS:

Can we mic them up? I'm having difficulty picking up those lines...

DAN:

Right. Well I’m Dan Graves, internet enthusiast, king of the mole people… and host of our hit show… PARANORMAL COPS: HARD EVIDENCE! It’s a show about love… thrills… drama… and action.

DANIELS:

And ghosts!

DAN:

Yes, heaps of ghosts.

HUNTER:

Uhhhhh....I'm hunter?

WINSTON:

And I'm Winston! We're also a ghost hunting team!

HUNTER:

WINSTON, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

WINSTON:

I'm improvising

DAN:

Oh fuck. No no no no. Sonic sent you didn't he? Well hey baby, I gotta be real here.... his show is the rip-off, not ours.

EGGMAN:

HIS SHOW ALSO STARS HIM AS A HOST! WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCKK!

DAN:

Yes, thank you, that too. Point is... no. This is our site, our client, and I gotta keep my appearances perfect, ey baby?

EGGMAN:

WHERE'S MY FUCKING LAWYER!?

DAN:

Hopefully dead in a ditch, baby.

HUNTER:

You sound like you're from the 80s

WINSTON:

Are you a time traveler?

DAN:

The hell is an 80's?

DANIELS:

Oo! A time period of neon lights and Vegas strips!

DAN:

No I'm- well... yes. I am a time traveller. I uh... ahem... a long time ago.... exactly 17 days from this current time... the wrath of a villain known as Shade swept through my home of Cunto. I... was just a simple man, a bank robber. I had friends.... family... you name it. But then, that dick he... he collected a nuke and nuked my entire planet-

EGGMAN:

IT WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS!

DAN:

The only thing hilarious will be when Sonic kills you instead. Or blows up your dead wife again.

HUNTER:

Damn, these guys really are crazy.

WINSTON:

Dammit, I wish I called it before you did

HUNTER:

Want me to do the thing?

WINSTON:

Dont you do it

DAN:

What thing? What is he talking about?

EGGMAN:

IF IT'S MORE MAGIC BULLSHIT THEN I WANT NO PART IN THIS!

DAN:

Nah, nah, baby. I am intrigued.

DANIELS:

Rolling!

HUNTER:

Oh oh oh shit! Winston we're on tv!

WINSTON:

Alright, let me think of something cool to say...hmmm..... oh I got one!

HUNTER:

SAY IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

WINSTON:

Hello there world, I'm a ghost hunter!

HUNTER:

Seriously?

DAN:

He's stealing my show...

EGGMAN:

Eugh... more fools...

DAN:

Cut! Was that the thing? Really? After all this effort I put into this?

EGGMAN:

WHAT EFFORT!?

DAN:

More than you can imagine egg boy!

WINSTON:

Eggboy? That's an odd name

HUNTER:

No crap winston!

WINSTON:

I am a ghost hunter, and my friend here.....has....well....he was kicked in the balls by a horse as a child

HUNTER:

That never!-

DAN:

Well that's going in the intro! Okay maybe things are looking up.

MEE6 runs up to the group.

MEE6:

Hey guys! I’m Eggman’s lawyer. MEE6! The Discord bot!

HUNTER:

I dont have discord, but you're fucking pissing me off already

WINSTON:

I dislike that voice...

DAN:

Ew lawyers.

DAN kills MEE6.

EGGMAN:

WHAT THE FUCK!

HUNTER:

Thank you! You actually solved all of life's problems!

WINSTON:

I can breathe now!

DAN:

Boom bitch. Got no legal representation, now you can’t sue me! Get lawyer’d fucker!

EGGMAN:

YOU SON OF A BITCH!

DAN:

Don’t hate the player, baby, hate the game.

EGGMAN:

I'LL HATE ANYONE I WANT! FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!

DAN:

KK, thanks baby.

WINSTON:

I thought this was a ghost hunting show, not a boxing match

HUNTER:

It can't even be a boxing match, this is just odd

WINSTON:

Do you wanna go back to universe jumping?

HUNTER:

For sure dude!

DAN:

Daniels, find out what universe jumping is.

DANIELS:

Oh! You did that! That's how you got here, remember? In the story!

DAN:

Oh holy shit nice! Well look... fuck it, looks like Coldsteele is gone. Let's just get some B-roll...

DAN looks around for a spot before walking off, DANIELS following. EGGMAN looks at HUNTER and WINSTON.

EGGMAN:

Eugh... IF I FIND OUT YOU'RE WITH SONIC! I'LL SKIN YOU ALIVE!

HUNTER:

Holy crap it really is who I think it is

WINSTON:

No it cant be.....

HUNTER:

Dr. Eggman?!??

EGGMAN:

YES! AND I... NEED TO ATTEND MY AA MEETING IN 43 HOURS! SO FUCK OFF! OR WHATEVER!

EGGMAN turns and walks off after DAN.

DAN:

Hurry up!

EGGMAN:

NO!

DAN stands on top of the fort, looking over to the ocean as DANIELS stands next to him.

DAN:

So Coldsteele is gone… what the fuck do we do now-

COLDSTEELE runs up and punches DAN off the fort.

COLDSTEELE:

Let’s go for a fish and chips minge, maties. Come come, I shall lead ye to the death site of me mate Ghost.

DANIELS:

Alright! New set location!

Cut to

EXT. GUARDIAN - DAY

DAN, DANIELS, EGGMAN and COLDSTEELE walk to the death site. COLDSTEELE stops and turns to face the others.

COLDSTEELE:

Ar, this be the place me mate Ghost died-

DAN:

And here we have it… the final resting place of Spirit… a hero, a true… true hero. And now we’re going to find out just what he feels in the afterlife. This is to help you make an informed decision on if you really want death, baby. Because you know what the late Alexander the Great would say… give me cum or give me death, baby.

EGGMAN:

THIS PLACE IS GAY!

DAN:

SHUT THE FUCK UP, EGGMAN!

EGGMAN:

NO! FUCK YOU!

DAN:

Eggman, I am trying to make the best show of all time, and you just keep fucking it up time and time again. Do you have a problem with this being our only way to make money, huh? Huh? I pulled you out of that hellhole, and I am sure as fuck not letting you drag me there instead.

COLDSTEELE:

I hate to interrupt ye argy bargy, but aren’t ye here to take a wee lil’ gander for me hubby?

DAN:

Huh? Oh… right yeah. Yeah, right. Ahem! Eggman… could you… do the audio thing?

EGGMAN:

Eugh… whatever.

EGGMAN walks out to the open, turning on the plasma pistol.

EGGMAN:

ASK YOUR FUCKING QUESTIONS ALREADY!

DAN:

Right! Ahem… is the ghost of Spirit present?

EGGMAN turns off the plasma pistol, seeming to wait.

DAN:

So now we wait for a response?

EGGMAN:

YES!

DAN:

That is badass, Eggman.

EGGMAN:

I KNOW! I MADE IT! NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP!

EGGMAN replays the audio.

DAN (O.S.):

Right! Ahem… is the ghost of Spirit present?

VOICE (O.S.):

Yes lol.

DAN:

OH! Holy shit! It worked! Ha haaa!

COLDSTEELE:

Didn’t your show say you were experienced? 20 years on the job?

DAN:

Bruh I’m 31. Do the math, baby.

EGGMAN looks back to the group.

EGGMAN:

WHAT NEXT!?

DAN:

Start up the recorder again.

EGGMAN turns and turns on the plasma pistol.

DAN:

Uhh Spirit, where shall we find more about you? Can we solve the mystery of your death?

EGGMAN turns it off, looking back to DAN.

DAN (O.S.):

Uhh Spirit, where shall we find more about you? Can we solve the mystery of your death?

VOICE (O.S.):

Ye ye go to the forest of fuck lmao xd.

DAN:

Gadzooks! This is it, baby! Boo yeah! Let’s go to the forest of fuck… wait. The forest of fuck?

COLDSTEELE:

It were his favorite place.

DAN:

Oh. Uh… is there… an alternative? Not the forest of fuck? Like somewhere that’s not on Dan Island?

DANIELS:

Oh, I thought that was on Isla De Los Muertos.

DAN:

I renamed that shit. It’s my island now, baby. Dan Island. 45 bucks for the price of admission.

DANIELS:

Oh, awesome! We can skip the legal work and shoot on a set there.

DAN:

Egh…

COLDSTEELE:

Dan, he clearly said to go to the forest o’ fuck. You wanna fulfil a dead man’s ol’ wish, in’t?

DAN:

Sigh… let’s go…

Cut to

EXT. HIGH GROUND - DAY

DAN, EGGMAN, DANIELS and COLDSTEELE are walking across onto a hill, looking over at the trees… somewhere.

DAN:

There it is. The forest of fuck. Not many live to tell the tale. Sigh… this was the place I lost a part of my life… a part of my soul… Years ago, I was attacked and taken in by-

EGGMAN:

GET ON WITH IT!

DAN:

CUT! Eggman god damn it! What’s the first rule!? What in the FUCK is the first rule!?

EGGMAN:

Eugh…

DAN:

Never interrupt a filming sequence. Now we gotta redo it and-

COLDSTEELE:

Ghost are you here?

COLDSTEELE walks up to the trees. DAN walks back towards EGGMAN.

DAN:

Hey, Eggman. How will we know when we see a ghost?

EGGMAN:

HOW SHOULD I KNOW YOU FUCKING COCK-CRAMMING FOOL!?

DAN:

… Eggman… our fucking show is based on ghosts. We need proof. How do we get a ghost, baby?

EGGMAN:

I DON’T FUCKING KNOW! YOU MORONS BLEW UP MY TABLE! I WAS IN THE MIDST OF CREATING DEVICES TO SKIN THAT FUCKING FURRY SONIC! BUT THEN YOU FUCKED IT ALL UP!

DAN:

Yeah yeah yeah, but… surely there’s like-

EGGMAN:

THERE IS NO WAY BECAUSE THERE ARE NO GHOSTS!

DAN:

E-Eggman our whole fucking show is based on that, baby. Look I’ll… fuck you I’ll improvise. Fuck it.

DAN walks over to COLDSTEELE then looks away dramatically.

DAN:

Oh no… Coldsteele! You must run, baby! Run!

DAN does 360s and stuff, shooting around and reacting to being beaten up.

DAN:

COUGH! Spirit is… is more hostile than we expected. OOF!

DAN is knocked down by… himself.

DAN:

Cough… Coldsteele… save… yourself… I’m done… I’m… I’m finished.

COLDSTEELE:

Lol thar be no one there.

DAN gets up.

DAN:

Alright you know what fuck this.

DAN shoots and kills COLDSTEELE.

DAN:

Boom. I made a ghost. There. Let’s just get the fuck outta here, this place sucks balls.

DANIELS:

Oooo a plot twist! I like it!

DAN:

Fuck it sure, we were the ghosts all along. Merry fuck you and Happy Halloween. Fuck!

HASTAGAZPACHO rocks up.

HASTAGAZPACHO:

I heard a crime being committed! Who wants a parking ticket!?

EGGMAN:

FUCK! RUN! RUN DAN RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

DAN:

FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!

HASTAGAZPACHO:

YEE YEE COME HERE BIG BOY I GOT SOME CUFFS FOR YOUR COCK!

DANIELS stands in front of the camera.

DANIELS:

Happy Halloween everyone! Make sure to hang out the mistletoe, turn on the lights, set up the camera, then… action!

DAN runs up behind DANIELS.

DAN:

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, BABY!?

HASTAGAZPACHO runs up behind DAN.

HASTAGAZPACHO:

PUT YOUR COCKS BEHIND YOUR BACK!

Cut to black