Dinner with Ozzy

**Dinner with Ozzy** is the final episode of the first series of The Osbournes. It originally aired on the May 7, 2002.

## Summery

The episode starts with Ozzy sitting in his dining room and enjoying dinner and recounts a time when a stray cat entered their house. Note we actually hear and see Aimee (Whose face is blurred due to her not wanting to participate in the show) in this segment. Ozzy then introduces and discusses Sharon, and there scenes of her giving him a breathe strip. The next scene shows Sharon kissing and snuggling Ozzy while Jack tries to watch TV. Then, Ozzy talks to Kelly and Melinda about being put in jail for stealing.

Ozzy then starts to talk about Jack. Jack is then shown walking around with a rifle and wearing army gear. Kelly then complains that "15 year old boys shouldn't be playing with rifles and knives" She then brings up an old situation that Jack had shot Kelly with a pellet gun six year earlier and she still has a grudge. Ozzy then briefly talks on how much Kelly and Jack fight but that they should outgrow it. The next scene though comes up and it's revealed that Jack hasn't gotten up to go to school. Ozzy walks into Jack's room, wakes him up, and tells him that he needs to go to school.

Ozzy then talks about Sharon not liking cooking. This brings up a scene with Kelly complaining to her mom that she doesn't cook. Ozzy then says that the first thing that attracted him to Sharon was her laugh. Then a scene is shown with Sharon and Kelly talking about their chests. Ozzy then comes back and says that Kelly doesn't take after her mom and she definitely doesn't take after Ozzy.

Ozzy comes back again and says that people think he lives in a Bavarian castle like a bat, but he does chores like everyone else. He is then shown grinding coffee, collecting firewood, and making microwave popcorn. Then Ozzy says that sometimes he feels invisible. Ozzy then finishes his dinner with a cup of tea and a montage of scenes from the season is shown. Ozzy then says, "That's the way we are. We're The Osbournes. I love it."

## Memorable Quotes

"*The thing about life is that by the time you're older and you begin to understand, you die!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*It's not abnormal to me the way we live, because it's the way I am*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Just calm the fuck down!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*HOW THE FUCK AM I GONNA GET IT IF HE COME UP BEHIND?!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Why am I squeezing a fucking newspaper?*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Ozzy, he's gonna fucking get you!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*It's gonna kill you! Dad please! It's ruthless!*"
— Aimee Osbourne

"*My wife Sharon, is the leader. We all depend on her for everything, y'know even me. I'm like the monkey on the piano. I do the jumping, she plays the tunes.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*I'm loved! I'm loved by all creatures and people and things!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*To my kids I'm very, very open. I don't screw around. If there's something to be said that's gotta be said, it's said.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*I didn't know I was trying to kill your mum. I was arrested and and held in remand...for trying to kill your mum.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*I'm not going on a boat! You can't shit on boats!*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*How are you meant to go on an shipliner for two weeks without taking a shit?!*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*Jack's a very good boy...sometimes. Compared to me he's an angel! When I was Jack's age I was drinking booze, taking drugs, taking speed...and I I bit several creatures heads off, but when your kids, when younger, you go man. What was wrong with me? Man.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Fifteen year old boys should not be walking around with rifles and knives.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*If you get a boob job I'm never talking to you again!*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*That's because Melinda has the hugest bajunggers in the whole entire world.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*Kelly definitely doesn't take after Sharon and she definitely doesn't take after me. She's just Kelly!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Oh she said that word again! Argh! You shoulda been called Vagina Osbourne!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*She shoved her finger in her vagina and she's gonna wipe it on me!*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*To be Ozzy Osbourne, it could be worse...I could be Sting.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*That's the way we are. We're The Osbournes. I love it.*"
—

## Trivia

* This episode contains a unique title card, in fact the title card appears before the opening credits.