Yard Sale Saturday

**Yard Sale Saturday** is the fifth episode of Season 8 of *Letterkenny*.

## Synopsis

Everybody’s dickering on Yard Sale Saturday.

## Cold Open

> You had to use the facilities the other day… — Wayne
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Wayne enters the washroom at MoDean's and encounters Alexander, who repeats his usual joke that this is where the dicks hang out. Gail has hired him to help clean up, and in just 48 hours, he has seen some disturbing things.

> Sometimes there's shit, on the outside of the torlet. — Alexander
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Wayne pauses, and he repeats. In fact, Alexander continues, sometimes there's shit on the outside of the "uriness" as well. He surmises got there the same way the shit on the outside of the "torlet" got there.

McMurray enters and greets Wayne and Alexander, and remarks about the state of the urinal. Alexander says again that sometimes, there's shit on on the outside of the "torlet," and repeats the entire conversation with Wayne with regards to the shit outside of the "uriness" as well. Given that, McMurray says he would rather just piss outside. As for Wayne, he had only come in to wash his hands. Before they leave, Alexander says he understands *how* shit got on the outside of the torlet and uriness, but he does not understand why.

> 'Cause that's where the dicks hang out. — Wayne
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## Plot Summary

Katy walks over to the produce stand and asks whether Wayne has any plans for that day. They remember excitedly that it is Yard Sale Saturday, and all are ready to dicker. Katy is looking forward to getting some of Gail's old glassware, although Wayne thinks her collection is already more than complete.

> Katy, there's such a thing as too much sets, and a gal oughta be fucking aware of it. — Wayne
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Dan will be hunting for old books, Daryl for old pornography, and Wayne for old tins and signs.

Wayne lays out the *Canadian Pickers* dickering strategy:

1. Identify item and recite some history on it to establish genuine interest
2. Ask the seller, "what are you gonna need to have out of that?"
3. No matter what price the seller gives you, tell the seller, "Well, that sounds like retail to me."
4. Circle back on step two and ask the seller, "What's the absolute best you can do on it?"
5. If the seller holds firm, bundle item of interest in with a few other items to get the price down to one you're comfortable paying.

Katy observes that Wayne is wearing a scent, and must be having a date with Rosie. Dan wonders if it is racist to compare Rosie to Princess Jasmine. Wayne insists it is not a date, just a go-along, or walkabout, to run the dogs—a doggy date, Katy concludes. She gets up and says he should invite Rosie to come along, as she is inviting Dierks, eliciting a groan from Wayne.

The BROdude rep, accompanied by the models, returns to the gym. She greets Reilly and Jonesy by calling then five-elevens.

> Do you think Bush did 5/11? — Reilly
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They report that they have failed to get BROdude Club Ferda off the ground, which does not surprise her. She told BROdude not to send a photographer this time, and they will need to find their own photographer, plus a girl or two to "check the representation box," to do a photo shoot of them as brand ambassadors. Reilly ask if the models accompanying her might participate, which the BROdude rep dismisses as a waste of resources, even if the models themselves are less opposed.

They realize they need a "mega-babe," and decide to try Anik. Reilly wonders if it is racist to say Daryl's ex-sweetie looks like Princess Jasmine.

Bianca and Aly have come to the basement to bid farewell to the Skids; with the dealer defeated, they will return to the city and continue their drug dealing at the club. But first, they want give Stewart his reward: "Some of that good fucking." Stewart accepts.

Katy asks Wayne for keys to the truck, and he tosses them to her. She senses his dislike of Dierks, and notes that their first meeting being at the strip club must have been "weird." Wayne shrugs, saying she is a big girl.

After she leaves, Dan observes that Wayne does not care for Dierks. Wayne is noncommittal, but says "Dierks" in a mocking tone of voice.

Reilly and Jonesy, sitting in Reilly's Jeep, report news on the project. Reilly has slid into Anik's DMs and asked if she, an Instagram model, was interested in become a "real" model. She replied back to his email with another set of racy pictures, causing both to shout "Yew!"

Wayne, Rosie, Daryl, and Dan walk over to the McMurrays', reporting that Katy has been held up at the border. Mrs. McMurray invites Wayne's date inside; she Wayne both deny they are on a date, but the women leave. The men compliment McMurray on the spread; Wayne had expected three banquet tables and a card table on each end, but there are in fact five banquet tables, with a card table on each end. Wayne sights a Top Tobacco Canada tin, and proceeds with the *Canadian Pickers* playbook. Just before he begins the last step, however, they are interrupted by Katy and Dierks. Dierks exchanges pleasantries, then asks McMurray to lower the price for Wayne.

> Now, that is how you dicker, you old coon hound. You can learn something from him, Wayne. — McMurray
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Dierks has brought beer for everyone, which pleases Daryl and Dan. Mrs. McMurray and Katy return with gin and tonics, and Dierks asks if it is racist to say Mrs. McMurray looks like Princess Jasmine. It is the first time they have met, and she greets him with an intense hug. Dierks gives hugs to Dan, then greets Rosie with a compliment, to Wayne's annoyance.

Anik has arrived at the gym for the photo shoot, but is disappointed to find that there are no lights—except the ones on the ceiling—and the photographer is Jonesy, with his phone. They point out, however, that they have plenty of experience, having taken hundreds… thousands… ten thousand selfies. At least, she agrees with them that the secret to her racy Instagram is simple: titties. As they giggle like schoolboys, she tells them she is ready to help them "ambassadize."

In the basement, Aly and Bianca are having loud sex with Stewart. A traumatized Roald is curled up nearby in the fetal position.

The dickerers proceed to MoDean's, where Gail, assisted by Glen, has old glasware out. She offers her "spread" to Dierks, who replies that "It's very uh, substantial. Very substantial, very specific." Glen compares him to various Hollywood leading men. Dierks dickers with Gail for some glassware for Katy; Gail seems happy to give away the store—Rosie believes this is the most fired up she has ever seen her. Dierks and Katy flirt, to Wayne's disgust.

Reilly, Jonesy, and Anik present the results of their efforts to the BROdude team. With the aid of Jonesy's billet sister, who knows Photoshop, they present a poster of Anik's breasts, with the face of Reilly on the right and Jonesy on the left, and the BROdude logo in her cleavage. The BROdude rep asks to see the version without the "tit faces," and on seeing it, says "a star is born." She offers Anik a six-figure contract, fires the other models, and fires Reilly and Jonesy, as it is strike two, and they are out. Jonesy objects that it is three strikes for an out, but she replies that she goes by soccer-baseball rules.

Katy and Dierks drive up to the produce stand and tell them that a couple guys were in from out west looking to hit up some yard sales: it is none other than Scott Cozens and Sheldon Smithens, the Canadian Pickers. Dierks addresses them as "Sweet Dick" and "Smooth Cock," although no one is clear which is which. Wayne greets them warmly.

Following their usual script, they ask Wayne to name a price for the produce stand; he estimates it at $2,500, which they decry as retail. In the end, Wayne is not willing to sell, but offers to give them some produce. They reply that it is a deal if he bundles in some of their beers, terms which Wayne finds acceptable.

Later on, Wayne is moving bales in the barn when he notices Dierks has entered. Dierks notes that meeting for the first time at the strip club was less than optimal, but he assures Wayne that he was playing a character there for the boys, and can be trusted with Katy. Wayne is skeptical; a snake can shed its skin, but it's still a snake. He gives a stern warning:

> Katy's a girl who knows exactly what she wants. So, if anything, you oughta have an eye. And here's the thing, and I'm gonna tell ya. If you mis‐step… you'll have every dude in Letterkenny lined up around the block for ya… And I'll be comin' first. — Wayne
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Dierks attempts to break the tension with a joke. A guy walks into a bar, where a terrorist is bartending, and asks for vodka on the rocks. The terrorist picks up a single ice cube and asks "Do you like ice?" The guy replies "yes, but more than one piece." The terrorist scoops up ice in his other hand and says, "Oh, you like ISIS." The joke does not succeed.

> Get the fuck outta here. — Wayne
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## Quotes

* McMurray: Looks like someone unswallowed over there.
* Daryl: Heard McMurray's got a real good spread this year.
Wayne: How big a spread?
Daryl: Like good size spread.
Wayne: What, like two‐three table spread?
Daryl: No, like three‐five table spread.
Wayne: A three to five tabler!
* Katy: Are one of youse wearing perfume?
Wayne: Men aren't supposed to wear perfume, Katy.
Dan: She might means cologne, good buddies.
Daryl: Could be eau de toilette 'cause that's unisex.
Wayne: Oh, what fucking isn't these days?
* Jonesy: Isn't it kinda not PC to include a girl but then sexualize them?
BROdude Rep: Pull out your fucking tampon.
* Daryl: What's Katie's new sweetie's name?
Wayne: DURRks
Dan: Yeah, now I hear it. You says it a ertain way. You hammered really hard on the "D."
Wayne: Did I?
* Reilly: Don't worry. BROdude has asked us to be brand ambassadors; however, first we must prove to them that we can, eh, um, ambassa…dize.
Jonesy: And once we've proven that to them we're going straight to the tippity‐top. And guess what— we're taking *yew* with us.
Anik: (sighs) Allons-y.
* Glen. Look at you. You're like a li'l Leo Day‐ka‐prio. You're like a heathen Christian Bale. You're like a Johnny dippity-Depp, mixed in with *The Last Of The Mohicans* Danny Day‐Lewis, and a hint of Eddie Norton in *Fight Club*, and a soupcon of Jay Bourne Matty Damon. And it's working for me.
Katy: This is Dierks.
Wayne: (mutters) DURRks
Dierks: Hi.
Gail: The Dierker the berry, the sweeter the juice.
Glen: Now you're like a li'l Hughie Jackman, Bradley Pitt, stick of Harry Ford. Makes me wanna Hugh Dancy, till I get Tom Hardy. Wouldn't kick him out of bed for eatin' crackers.
* Dierks: Very conducive. Very conducive, very considerate.
Katy: Very crucial.
Dierks: Very constructive. Very cooperative.
Gail: Somebody tie my dick to my leg.
* Dierks: Should we bundle a few items together?
Katy: I'm surprised we're not bundling a few items together right now.
* Anik: Aw! Sacrebleu
Reilly: Right? Sacrebleu!Jonesy: Zut alors!
Reilly: Baguette!
Jonesy: La bibliotheque!
Reilly: Passeporte.
Jonesy: Oui, oui, oui!
Reilly: Soup du jour!
Jonesy: La francais!
* BROdude rep: A star is born.
Reilly: Great movie.
Jonesy: Terrible song, though.

## Cultural References

* *Canadian Pickers*, marketed internationally as *Cash Cowboys*, was a reality show that ran from 2011 to 2013 starring Scott Cozens and Sheldon Smithens, who traveled across Canada searching for items to acquire for resale. Sister shows *American Pickers* and *Aussie Pickers* follow the same format, in those markets.
* Princess Jasmine refers to the female lead in the 1992 Disney film *Aladdin* (and its 2019 live action remake).
* Reilly confuses "5′ 11″" with 9/11, the common shorthand in North America for the terrorist attacks on the U.S. on September 11, 2001. So-called "truther" conspiracy theorists believe the George W. Bush administration either had foreknowledge of them or actually orchestrated them.
* The BROdude rep calls Jonesy and Reilly Derek Zoolander and Hansel, referring to the main characters of the 2001 film *Zoolander* and its 2016 sequel. Like Jonesy and Reilly, they are good-looking but dimwitted, one with light hair and the other with dark.

## Callbacks and Running Gags

* This is where the dicks hang out (Ain't No Reason to Get Excited)
* Fiscal hours
* There's such a thing as too much X, and a gal oughta be fuckin' aware of it.
* Five-elevens
* Jonesy and Reilly being PC
* First impression's a lasting one
* A pretty good guy
* Two-knuckler
* Soccer baseball rules (Red Card Yellow Card)
* Welcome to fucking Letterkenny
* Allegedly
* Barley, not hay

## Trivia

* This is the first appearance of Alexander since the first episode of the series.
* A *yard sale* is also known as a *garage sale*, *rummage sale*, *sidewalk sale*, or *tag sale* among other names. Although people in different areas may attempt to draw distinctions between the terms based on scope, size, or of course venue, there is no universal agreement on any of those definitions, other than that it is an informal sale of unwanted household goods by private individuals. The name for this type of event was one of the questions in a 2013 *New York Times* dialect survey by Josh Katz and Wilson Andrews that went viral. In the UK, they are known as *jumble sales* or *car boot sales*.
* Wayne had previously mocked the hockey players as being "five-eleven" (i.e. average and unremarkable) in Miss Fire.

## Music

* Basketball Wives0 by Freddie Gibbs (Stewart's great reward)
* Kraught by Losers
* Oh by Cosmo Doris
* What's Ya Ig by Swzy
* Trigger by Eagle I Stallian
* Secret Admirer by Pissed Jeans (end credits)

## Gallery

*→ See **41** images from Yard Sale Saturday at **Images from Yard Sale Saturday**.*
8x05- 0018 McMurraysTable.jpg