Day 1: Holly Molly! Part ll

Nikolai decided to go to the coffee shop in the safe zone to make himself some coffee, fortunately Megan already made some, so it didn't take long before he just grabbed a cup from the kitchen and extended the cup to proceed to pour the coffee. As he drank it, he could notice Holly enter the room, somewhat tired.

—Holly! Good morning. I thought you'd be resting just like everyone else...

—Good morning, mister. I haven't been able to sleep... not after what happened.

Holly Jones—It's understandable, we've all been through too hard experiences, I would be right now resting in my apartment, I would have woken up thinking that my biggest problem would be looking for a job... And look at me! I'm involved in a zombie apocalypse. Life takes a lot of twists and turns.

—It's true. I think when we all woke up yesterday, we didn't think this would happen. All those people woke up thinking about shopping and going home...but...now they're dead...or they're suffering in life.

Holly sat across from Nikolai, at one of the many tables in the place and crossed her arms, trying to comfort herself as she was caressing both of them with her hands.

—I am the worst mother and wife in the world.

—Why do you say that, Holly? —Nikolai asked out of surprise. —Would you like some coffee?

—I have no appetite for anything at all, but thank you. You see... I know maybe I shouldn't tell you this... but... I killed my husband back there. He and my daughter were caught by those... "things"... and I had to make a choice. The horde was coming and... my husband was imploring me to free him, as was my daughter. But then... then he told me that I... he said bad words, and in the midst of despair, and perhaps courage, I decided to save my daughter. I saw him die soon after... we saw him... my husband was killed in a brutal way. I still remember him, cursing at me... and maybe... maybe I deserve it. I deserve it because it was my fault that they did things to him.

Nikolai remained silent, he didn't drink his coffee, and instead approached Holly to take her by the hand and try to comfort her.

—In this painful life we have to make choices, Holly. Some of them are harder than others, but they are choices. I can tell how much you loved that man...but...I can't help but not ignore the fact that he insulted you, even if he was in a life or death situation. What has your daughter said about this? Have you discussed it?

—My daughter told me that I made the best decision... you see, Nikolai, my husband and I... we have been going through so many difficulties in the twenty years of our marriage and... I think that love ran out at some point, I think it ran out for him at the beginning of our relationship... I grew up with the idea that a man because he as a man can have many women, that his mission is to expand his seed... I grew up with very strong Christian values, and I think... I think I normalized a lot of things that I shouldn't have, Nikolai...

—Holly...

—I feel like a scumbag of a human being because, just a few hours ago I realized that... that all this time I did things wrong. I let my daughter see horrible things and I think she hates me... and now I took her father away from her. My child will grow up without a father and... and I... I feel terrible not because of the fact that I indirectly killed him... because I know I did it and I'm going to hell for it. I know I've earned eternal damnation because... I don't feel anything... I don't feel anything for knowing that my husband died.

—No human being deserves to die like that, Holly...look, I'm not one to say aspects of your life, heck, I didn't even know your husband... but he doesn't sound like the right kind of role model or father figure. What was your relationship with him like?

—It was chaotic. We were always fighting, my daughter Molly always intervened in our arguments and sometimes things escalated... the police came to our house often because of the scandal and... he often told me that he didn't like my body, that my body wasn't the same as it was twenty years ago, that now my varicose veins disgusted him, that my fat bulges disgusted him... and I was always hurt by his silence, his long silence.

—Holly... look... uh...

Nikolai was trying to find words so he wouldn't hurt that woman even more.

—Sometimes we let ourselves be blinded by love, nostalgia and passion, we let so many things pass us by that hurt us because, paradoxically in the things that hurt us we find happiness, because our concept of happiness is related to those things, because... we try to find those things, people or situations with which we are really familiar. You have hurt yourself so much with a man who... maybe he acted as his life experience allowed him, and tried to imitate that behavior, because for him it was right... "normal".

—I feel like a complete fool for having put my daughter in so many risky situations. She told me on many occasions that I should separate from him, and that I was wasting my life by his side... and now he is dead. He didn't even die sacrificing himself, he died as a coward... and... I don't think he ever cared about us, not even at the end.

—Don't feel that way... not now. Look, you'll have all the time in the world to regret your life choices, AFTER we get out of this city infested by those things. Now your daughter needs you more than anyone, and she's not going to make it if you're not strong. You'll have time to fall apart and let yourself feel like a complete human waste, but not now, not now that you're your daughter's only reason to move on. Do you understand?

—I think... I think you're right. I have to be strong for my daughter, even if it means repressing what I feel... All this time I was married to an abusive jerk, a drunk who went and had sex with other women in the same bed we slept in... God has given us the great power to forget, and I think it will be better if time and history forget him, starting with not even mentioning his name. That man does not deserve to be remembered... he does not deserve it. I think if my daughter and I needed help, he would have walked away and left us to die...that's the kind of man I married.

Holly picked up her engagement ring, dismissively removing it from her hand.

—Trash should go where it belongs.

Without further more, the ring was deposited in the trash can.

—Thank you, Nikolai. I'll sleep easier. Maybe... maybe God finally gave me a choice to redeem myself.