And Just Like That...

*After an epic quest through Cordelia to Hell itself, our heroes find themselves face to face with the man behind all of their hardships: Lexicon Matters. Will they face off in a climactic battle, or can they coexist?*

The final episode of the Class Dismissed campaign of Rude Tales of Magic's.

## Summary

Stirfry continues to oversee Ginger, teaching her lessons in his chaotically responsible way. She leaves the room to wash off the ink from a fire alarm she pulled as Stirfry checks on her homework. He sees she has been reading Peter Purity books and has signed her homework as Virginia, making him realize he’s in the past and guardian angel for the woman he killed. He immediately tries to correct things, telling her she can no longer read and write mysteries so that they won’t cross paths in the future.

The party enters Lexicon Matters’ office, where everything is black and white and dances cartoonishly. The long-limbed founder and usurping Dean welcomes them and offers them jobs at his college. The party resists his temptations, but Lexicon shows his absolute control over his domain by changing shape, creating miniature clones of himself, and turning into the room itself. He allows Albee to stab him with a dart to prove he is immortal, insisting they have no choice but to sign his contract. Lexicon performs a song C'mon And Be My Friend, during which they notice a silver platter singing along with him in his daughter's voice. The party refuses to sign anything without Stirfry present, but Lexicon shows them a television with footage of him joining the guardian angel program in Heaven to assure them he isn’t coming.

While Frederick considers the offer, Bellow goes for the platter when he remembers that Lexicon’s power was said to be held there. Lexicon intercepts him and loses his patience. He attacks the group with his animated office and tiny clones before flooding the office with blood. Frederick searches his spell components for his Gaseous Form, only to find far more powerful ones since he is in the body he originally died in. Now a Level 20 Wizard, he nearly binds Lexicon to his will. Bellow channels vacationism to use On The Clock, forcing Lexicon to take a break. He calls time out and brings them back to a break room, but Cordelia pulls the rapier out of her and Albee to stab Lexicon. He gloats about his impossible power and immortality, but is startled enough that he insists they play by the rules. For the first time, the party takes out 20-sided dice and rolls for initiative. Albee opens the silver platter with Lexicon’s daughter’s head underneath the lid. It vomits acid on Albee and attacks them while Bellow and Frederick join forces, using their magic and spinulating together to stop time around them. Bellow uses The Blade of Nightmare’s Kiss to stab the animated head. Lexicon’s daughter vanishes as the usurping dean panics. Frederick reaches into his mind to manifest his greatest fear, which is revealed to be those four. As Lexicon weakens, Cordelia uses an especially hellish Burning Hands to blast the entire office into ash. Lexicon regains his color and his fear as he explodes.

The young Virginia is confused and upset as Stirfry explains that he is from the future and that he helped murder her. He tells her that she joined a group of people that changed who she was, and that she must never become one of them and remain herself. With Virginia troubled by this image, Stirfry vanishes.

The rest of the party finds themselves in a great white light where Count Ivan Gretsky (in his vampire form) tans himself. He points them towards a nearby door, where a small, elderly woman with blue hair, animal print clothing, and heavy makeup introduces herself as Lucille: aka the Devil.

Lucille explains her distant nature with the world, technically existing as a god of choice. She is happy to be off in her own realm, watching over the other gods and humans choosing to defy or ignore their obvious wills. She points out that she could reset time to back before the school disappeared, but this would reset everything. The ritual would still happen and they would go on their adventures all over again: just like they had several times before. The school can be sent back to Cordelia, but the souls are already free to leave at any time and always had been. Someone can only free themselves from Hell. With this information, she offers them any wish.

Frederick wishes for a handgun and his father to show up, shooting him to death before saying he forgives him. Frederick decides to stay in the afterlife, but and as a final touch, he summons Goatse and Prolapse so they can share a four-way kiss with the devil.

Bellow decides to take the advice of Strayd Plancis and wishes to visit Universal Studios. He has varying reactions to the rides.

Albee offers to return to their world with Cordelia and start over, but Cordelia wishes to stay and work with Cheddar at The Other Side. She uses her wish to become a patron herself, granting Albee the power to say her name and freeze time to be with her whenever she wishes. Albee returns to their world with an urge to explore. She is approached by an elf and Albee summons Cordelia into his body.

We get a montage of other characters across Cordelia. Flipcup eats a pair of recently married elf siblings. A kindly old woman paints a terrible image of her old imaginary friend (a fly-winged kenku) in a comfortable life of having never become a cop. Hot Roddy and Splish-Splash sail in their pirate ship as they run over a monologuing Chaste Tools with the reincarnated Stirfry egg beginning to hatch. We see the skies of Cordelia and its many moons that spell out “Coexist” in religious symbols. For some reason, the last thing we see is The Unelected Chorus humping the one moon with a crucifix on it.

## Links

* Episode: https://art19.com/shows/rude-tales-of-magic/episodes/db7755d5-a29b-45bd-a946-9f89beaf17d4

## Quotes

* *"This should not be your first episode of Rude Tales of Magic! But I gotta say, if it is, I respect and fear your Live Más attitude. In many ways, you are the ideal Rude Tales listener: a huge idiot who doesn't listen to anything or anybody! I love you!"*

## Trivia

* The closing credits list the upcoming storyline as Weird Times In Piss Harbor.