Howard Levi’s

"Wait, are we recording?"

Academic Curriculum

## **Biography**

Famous virgin **Howard "Blunt" Toiletman Levi's** (Jon Mackey) is one of the hosts of the Teacher's Lounge and the former tenjured biology teacher and head of the school newspaper at Hamilton High School. He was one of the founders of and the Head of the Academic Curriculum at Levi's 401 Jeans Presents Swine High School.

#### **Pre-Podcast**

Howard is a member of both the wealthy Levi's family and the wealthy Guess family (owners of the popular apparel brands of the same name) though he prefers to pronounce his name "Levis" because he doesn't want to coast on his family name preferring to make a name for himself. He also refuses to accept his portion of the families' fortunes and lives very frugally. In an attempt to appear poor, Howard moved into a “micro-micro-house,” filled with 3 bedrooms worth of personal items, which was featured on the only crossover episode of ‘Tiny Houses’ and ‘Hoarders’ (in the same episode, Howard was "nexted" by someone passing in the ‘Next’ bus).

Howard has been hit by a car 15 times, eight of which were hit and runs.

Howard was able to overcome his addiction to Subway sandwiches, of which he had been eating three per day, because Jared Fogle was his idol (due to his big pants and rapid unhealthy weight loss).

#### **Season 1**

In Season 1, Howard Levi’s was the Biology teacher at Hamilton High School and a mayoral candidate running on the platforms of: no driving after 18:30 and more people driving before 18:30 to increase congestion.

During this season, Howard spoke to his mother and father for the first time in 15 years, leaving them a ransom voicemail asking for 33 million dollars, which he received the next day. He used much of this money to fund his mayoral campaign, buying up all available advertising space around town. He also secured a partnership with the local McDonald's, adding the "Whopper by Levi's" to the menu, which was a regular Big Mac in a denim bag with denim instead of cheese and ketchup in the shape of Howard's face and web address (although no one could see this as the staff did not serve the burgers open-face as per Howard's request).

Some of Howard's other campaign tactics included reenacting the film Rush Hour during rush hour. He also snuck into the maternity ward of a local hospital to take selfies while kissing the babies before they'd seen their mothers for the first time. One of Howard's campaign promises was to find all of the Wemberly children (a promise that was paid for by Todd).

Howard's campaign was plagued by a scandal that was described as a "beat-for-beat" recreation of the Anthony Wiener scandal in which Howard tweeted images of "Anthony's Wiener" (a much bigger penis than his own) to a young woman. He found the image by googling "famous dick pic" and originally planned to print it out and send it to the woman through the mail. Howard was also outed by the Rumor Chick as a Kenyan, which legally disqualified him from office Hamilton's town charter prohibits anyone born in Kenya from being mayor.

Despite these scandals, Howard surprisingly rose in the polls after screaming at the incumbent mayor's wife during a debate. Howard demanded to debate her instead of her husband and made sure security kept the him out. His running mate was a dachshund who was part of a Hamilton political dynasty.

Finally leaving his tiny house, Howard moved into, what Guinness World Records deemed, the "Largest House in America." While the Guinness employees inspected Howard's new house, they also awarded him with "Stinkiest Bathroom," "Shortest Backyard Grass," and "Meanest to the Guinness Employees" as Howard was screaming "one is not enough" at them. Howard also attempted to win "Fattest Twins on Bikes" by building a paper mâché doll of himself (the process of which was livestreamed on Facebook and in the town square), but he was deemed too small.

Howard also proposed that, as mayor, he would force all Hamilton citizens to wear Best Buy uniforms. He was accused of attempting to turn Hamilton into a "silly Nazi-era Germany," which Howard did not deny stating the positives of Nazi Germany such as organization and forced comradery.

Despite all odds, Howard ended up winning the election in a landslide and was mayor of Hamilton for 6 minutes. During those minutes, he read an acceptance speech he had been working on for 13 weeks with an accompanying slide show. The slideshow included pictures of people doing electric slide (to symbolize making the town one big party), a behind-the-scenes photo from the music video for Slide by Goo Goo Dolls (to symbolize working together as a team), and a literal slide (to symbolize the intricate series of slides that Howard wanted to build to and from every single location in Hamilton, which would cost the town 6 billion dollars over 4 years). The forth slide was supposed to be the slide of a trombone (as Mr. Levi's wanted a new town theme song), but instead a picture of Anthony Weiner's penis was accidentally shown. This incident was widely covered by newspapers and television shows and many opinion pieces were written about it. It was because of this incident that lost Howard the mayorship and had to start seeing a court-appointed therapist.

Despite being tenjured, and his belief that events taking place outside the school should not effect one's employment at the school, Howard was fired from Hamilton High School during prom for this incident. Howard then, along with the also recently fired Todd, made a getaway from prom in one of Sam's limousines. On their way to see Todd's new girlfriend, Jules Capulet, the three of them crashed into a fuel truck causing the airport to explode.

After prom, Howard was snuck back into Hamilton High School by Bill Cravy along with Todd, Sam, and Stephanie AIDS (whom they had kidnapped) into the school to record Episode 6. The kidnapped Stephanie planned to press charges against the hosts, but was willing to settle out of court for a 5-way kiss. However, initially, only Howard kissed her (on the fingertips).

At the end of the episode, Howard and the other hosts decided to make a break for it in the Ford Bronco that Todd had borrowed from his friend OJ Simpson and they elected Sam to be their getaway driver. However, Howard requested that they stop by his house on the way to get all his belongings (of which he no longer had many) and also suggested they stop by the Levi's factory for disguises, jeans, and a couple million dollars. When the FBI showed up to their recording, Howard kissed Stephanie again, this time along with the other hosts, and they then put their plan into effect. Howard got on Bill's back, along with Sam and Todd, as they made a run for the Bronco.

### **Interests**

Mr. Levi's enjoys reading poorly constructed sentences, particularly those in Playboy and Maxim.

### **Sexuality**

Sexually, Howard prefers a prolonged intense buildup with a short disappointing climax, a fetish known as "ruined orgasms." During his mayoral campaign, it was public knowledge that Howard had his libido chemically killed by taking a cocktail of pills. Howard did this because he was being too sexual, even going so far as to perform the sexual moves known as the "crybaby" and the "dirty dog" during a high school basketball game, and he claimed the cocktail was the only thing that kept him sane.