Ed and Relaxation

**Ed and Relaxation** is episode 42b of Edward and Eric. It premiered on Kids' WB on May 20, 2000.

## Synopsis

Principal Walker disguises Lakeside City School as a Hawaiian resort so Mr. Goodman won't take paid time off.

## Cast

* Andrew Rannells as Edward
* Mike Pollock as Principal Walker
* Gary Sauls as Mr. Goodman and Constantinos
* Josh Peck as Eric
* Edward Felker as Igor and Abdul
* Dan Green as Dallas
* Tress MacNeille as Nurse Fracture
* Eric Stuart as Terry and Barry and Mason and Hasten

## Trivia

* Although this episode premiered in 2000, it was produced in 1999 according to the copyright date at the end of the credits.
* The title is based on "rest and relaxation".
* In the French dub, Walker says "Konnichiwa?" instead of "Bonjour?".
* Edward and Eric calling themselves "Fish Paste" and "Barnacle Head" respectively are obvious references to the swear words from the animated Nickelodeon series, *SpongeBob SquarePants*.
* This episode holds the record for playing the most Hawaiian APM tracks.
* This episode is available to watch on the Summer Shock VHS and DVD, The Best of Walker VHS, and the Season 3 Volume 1 box set.
* This is the only episode in the series to play Maui Girl.
* An Aesop: A lie, no matter how good and elaborate it is, will lead to consequences soon enough.

## Transcript

(The episode opens with Principal Walker relaxing in his office's swiveling chair. His feet are placed on the desk)

**Principal Walker:** Ah, there's nothing more wonderful than a full day of "work"! Well, that and reading Mr. Goodman's personal mail. (takes out loads of mail) Let's see..."Dear Son," bla bla bla. Boring! "Final notice", bla bla bla. "Cease and desist", yap yap yap. "Restraining order", whatever. (realizes something) Oops! Those are all for me. (takes out more mail) There we go! Goodman's mail. (he reads off a brochure) "Lakeside City School - A busy student's paradise". (laughs) Busy for Goodman! (takes out a postcard) Huh, what's this?

(The postcard has a shot of scenery from Hawaii)

**Principal Walker:** "Timothy Goodman - Revive yourself! Come to Hawaii!" Huh? What's he need Hawaii for? We've got everything Hawaii's got right here!

(An exhausted Goodman, who has bloodshot eyes and a stubble, is seen monitoring one of the hallways)

**Mr. Goodman:** (screaming is heard) Igor, no, wait, you can't pinch girls there. (and a chemical explosion) No, Edward, science should be kept in lab rooms.

**Constantinos:** (runs up to him) Mr. Goodman! Mr. Goodman! You have to stop-

(Carver punches him out of the school)

**Mr. Goodman:** Carver...wait... (trips over) fighting is against the rules.

**Eric:** (leaps in) Mr. Goodman! (swings his fist around) Here's a dance move Carver taught me.

(Eric punches Mr. Goodman so hard that he lands in Nurse Fracture's office, already in a complete body cast)

**Nurse Fracture:** (from the room) Mr. Goodman, you look terrible.

(Cut to the room)

**Nurse Fracture:** I'll have to run some tests on you. (draws a stick figure on her clipboard) Here's a stick figure. What do you see?

**Mr. Goodman:** Uhh...Lakeside City School.

**Nurse Fracture:** Hmmm... (draws another stick figure)

**Mr. Goodman:** Uhhh... (there's a longer pause) Lakeside City School.

(She draws a highly detailed illustration of the Statue of Liberty)

**Mr. Goodman:** Lakeside City School.

**Nurse Fracture:** Interesting. Look at the eye chart on the wall and read out the letters from top to bottom.

(The letters form to merge...)

**Mr. Goodman:** Lakeside City School.

**Nurse Fracture:** Mm-hmm. (presses her stethoscope against his chest)

(His heart beats four times, and they're in rhythm to him mentioning the school's name. The reused voice lines echo)

**Nurse Fracture:** (clicks her pen and writes something down on a slip) Here you go.

(The camera focuses on his hand weakly reaching for the slip, and it fades to Walker's hand grabbing it from his hold)

**Principal Walker:** (stern) What is this, Goodman?

**Mr. Goodman:** A prescription, sir.

**Principal Walker:** A prescription for laziness?!

**Mr. Goodman:** A mandatory vacation, sir. Nurse's orders. I am to leave for Hawaii, sir, effective immediately. (sighs) You'll just have to run the school by yourself.

(Walker's eyes bulge out of his sockets, and he grabs him by the collar)

**Principal Walker:** Goodman, NO! WAIT! I'LL (his eyes stretch out) ***DIE*** WITHOUT YOU HERE!!!!!

**Mr. Goodman:** I am sorry, sir, but Nurse Fracture says all I can see, and all I can hear, is Lakeside City School. (goes to leave, until Walker gets an idea and halts him in his path)

**Principal Walker:** Hold on a second there, Goodman. (takes out the postcard from earlier) Tell me. What does this look like to you?

**Mr. Goodman:** Lakeside City School.

**Principal Walker:** (and the brochure) And how about this? What does this one look like?

**Mr. Goodman:** Lakeside City School.

**Principal Walker:** (imitates a buzzer as he slaps the brochure against Goodman's face) Wrong answer! It's Hawaii! Oh my, you really *are* one sick man, and you could use a vacation. (ecstatic) SO I'M COMING WITH YOU!

(Cut to Walker speeding away in his golf cart, with Goodman in the passenger seat. The former is in a green Hawaiian shirt, and the latter is in a blue one)

**Principal Walker:** I'll drive you there myself!

(Camera pans out to reveal he's just driving around the school grounds)

**Mr. Goodman:** But, what about the school, sir?

**Principal Walker:** Oh, I just called in temporary principals. (he stops at the school's front gates) Oh, look! We're already here!

**Mr. Goodman:** But, this is the school gates.

**Principal Walker:** (pats Goodman's back) My poor Goodman. You're so out of it you can't even read that sign! (points to the school's sign) It says Lake-ko'i Kea Resort. Just like in the brochure!

(He roughly parks in the parking lot)

**Principal Walker:** (in a sing-song voice) Aloha, Hawaii! Here we are!

(Camera cuts to Lakeside's skyline, and it transitions to sunset. Nighttime falls upon as we hear loud constructing noises, and it fades to the next morning)

(Goodman wakes up in his office, which now has a bed)

**Mr. Goodman:** Aloha, Hawaii!

(He grins and looks at his surroundings)

**Mr. Goodman:** This...this, looks, almost exactly like my office back at the school.

**Principal Walker:** (barges in) Good morning, Goodman! Are you ready for a day of (sing-song voice) hula hula, Waikiki?

**Mr. Goodman:** (looking out the window) Sir, I think we're still at the school.

**Principal Walker:** Nonsense! Look out the window! Whaddya see?

**Mr. Goodman:** Lakeside City School.

**Principal Walker:** (angrily) HAWAII!!!!! (calmly) Look, there's the, uhh...

(The camera focuses on the auto shop)

**Principal Walker:** The little grass shacks,

(And the cafeteria)

**Principal Walker:** the exotic seafood buffet,

(And finally, one of the restrooms)

**Principal Walker:** and, um, the overwater bungalows.

(Constantinos is seen about to head into the school)

**Mr. Goodman:** Isn't that Constantinos?

**Principal Walker:** That's not Constantinos! That's one of the fellow tourists, Mr. Slopski. ALOHA, MR. SLOPSKI!

**Constantinos:** (reluctantly waves) I guess I'm Mr. Slopski now. (nervously chuckles)

**Mr. Goodman:** (sighs) I really am sick.

**Principal Walker:** Good thing that's why you're here! (hands him a sheet of paper) Here, why don't you read the list of the resort's activities for today? That ought to cheer you up! (winks) It'll remind you of, the school.

**Mr. Goodman:** (reading off the paper) Uhh...hmm...swimming...

**Principal Walker:** (gives him the P.A. system's microphone) A bit louder, Goodman. I can't hear.

**Mr. Goodman:** (louder) Um, swimming.

**Principal Walker:** Just a little louder. And start with "Today's activities are".

**Mr. Goodman:** O-ok. (clears his throat) Today's activities are swimming, sailing, volleyball, water skiing, and snorkeling. (sadly) Why doesn't this list have surfing, sir? I don't see surfing here. (sniffles and looks above; while he speaks, Walker gets startled and writes something down on the list) I've always wanted to try surfing, sir. (looks down) Oh, here it is. Sur-fing.

**Principal Walker:** Well, let's go, then! I don't see the point in lollygagging!

(Cut to several students in the school's courtyard)

**Carver:** Did anyone bring a ball?

**Mr. Goodman:** (walks in) This is all very strange. (notices Edward) Um, excuse me, but, you look awfully familiar. You wouldn't happen to be related to anybody named Edward Pearson now, would you?

**Edward:** (trying to contain his laughter) Uhh...nope!

**Mr. Goodman:** (pokes his shoulder) Um, pardon me again, but do you know who's running this club?

**Edward:** (laughs) Yeah! That's a good one! (chuckles) Good one.

**Mr. Goodman:** Well, I don't intend to come off as pushy, but this is my first vacation here in Hawaii, and I'd like to get started already.

**Edward:** Hawaii? (laughs again) That's another good one! I get it now - we're pretending to be in Hawaii! Surf's up!

**Mr. Goodman:** (storms off) Outrageous.

**Edward:** Hang loose, brother!

(Walker is seen relaxing on a towel, wearing sunglasses. Goodman's shadow eclipses over him)

**Mr. Goodman:** Sir, I don't like it here. (Walker removes his shades) There doesn't seem to be any staff around here.

**Principal Walker:** Resort staff?! (to himself) Oh yeah. Haven't thought of that. (back to Goodman) Well, don't let the lousy staff ruin your vacation! Lead the activities yourself.

**Mr. Goodman:** Myself?

**Principal Walker:** Now, go have some fun! Your stupidity is giving me tan lines.

(Camera transitions back to the courtyard)

**Mr. Goodman:** Ok, gentlemen. From now on, I will be the director.

**Eric:** (giggles; to Edward) I like this new game of Hawaii Vacation!

**Edward:** Me too!

**Mr. Goodman:** Ok, you serve first. (tosses the ball and blows his whistle)

(The students toss the ball around)

**Mr. Goodman:** That's right! Good dig! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah! You guys have the hang of it! (leaps in) Lunge, and lift!

(He tosses the ball in slow-mo, and once the speed reverts to normal, the ball hits Joey in the head and knocks out Constantinos)

**Edward:** We win!

**Eric:** What's next, Mr. Director?

**Mr. Goodman:** Please, let's not be so formal! We're on vacation after all. You can call me "Kahuna".

**Eric:** You can call me Barnacle Head!

**Edward:** I'm Fish Paste!

**Dallas:** Some of those sound suspiciously like Hawaiian swears.

**Mr. Goodman:** Don't worry about it, tourist-who-looks-suspiciously-like-Dallas. Let's hit the waterskiis!

(Everybody cheers, and the camera transitions to a speedboat being driven around a river that Walker implemented overnight)

**Mr. Goodman:** (through a megaphone) Kick it faster!

(Terry and Barry step on it)

**Edward:** This vacation game is swell!

**Mr. Goodman:** (speaking into the megaphone again) Swells! Yeah, watch for swells! If you're not careful, they can make you go (he and Edward go up a ramp) ***AIRBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***

(They reach a group of dark clouds, and they get struck by lightning at point-blank range. They fall back down with minor burns)

**Edward:** I smell toast. Must be Hawaiian toast.

(Later, they are snorkeling)

**Edward:** (his snorkel tube emerges from the water in the shape of a mouth) See any underwater fauna yet, Kahuna?

(They rise their heads out)

**Mr. Goodman:** I'm afraid the water is too murky today. It almost reminds me of Lakeside Lake.

(Then, we see both on a surfboard. Edward pedals over to Goodman)

**Edward:** Aloha, Kahuna! What are we waiting for?

**Mr. Goodman:** The Big One. The biggest wave.

(Pan over to Jason, Grayson, Mason and Hasten)

**Mason:** (to Hasten) Have you ever burped underwater before?

**Hasten:** No. But I will now. I've got a "big one" coming!

(Cut back to Edward and Goodman. The camera shakes violently as a huge burp is heard)

**Edward:** Hey, Kahuna! Is THAT one big enough?

(Everybody surfs up to a huge wave, and they cheer)

**Mr. Goodman:** (stands up on his surfboard) I see it! (rubs his eyes) I finally see it!

(A view of the school is shown, and it fades to a live-action stock image of Honolulu)

**Mr. Goodman:** Hawaii!

(The wave crashes down. Walker is snoring, but he gets woken up by a splash of water)

**Principal Walker:** WHOA! COLD! **GOODMAN!** WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!

**Mr. Goodman:** Just some little vacation shenanigans, sir! (Walker is clenching his teeth) I noticed you weren't participating with the other resort guests.

**Principal Walker:** WHAT?! (suddenly, he rubs his chin) Oh. Right. Hawaii. Well, uhh, let me just enjoy the sunset. I'll join ya later.

**Mr. Goodman:** (leaves) That's great, sir, because we're having a luau!

**Principal Walker:** Heh, luau. Right.

(He falls back asleep, and as he snores, the background fades to nighttime)

**Mr. Goodman:** (offscreen) Aloha!

(A fire ignites, and Walker screams. The camera pans out to reveal the students seated on tables)

**Mr. Goodman:** (through a microphone) Welcome to Lake-ko'i Kea's luau extravaganza! We've got visitors from all over! (to Edward) Hey, Fish Paste, where ya from?

**Edward:** Omaha, Nebraska!

**Mr. Goodman:** What exit? (a rimshot is heard) How about you, Barnacle Head?

**Eric:** Actually, I hail from the sunny city of Lakeside-

**Mr. Goodman:** Somewhere in Florida?

(Eric becomes irritated, and everyone notices Walker)

**Mr. Goodman:** Ladies and gentlemen, look at who just woke up from the dead! (approaches him) Gaylord, say aloha!

(Beat)

**Principal Walker:** (intimidated) Bonjour?!

**Mr. Goodman:** We're going to see how Hawaiian you are!

(Camera immediately cuts to Walker in nothing more than a grass skirt, as well as a flower crown on his head. The students are heard laughing at him)

**Mr. Goodman:** Oh, doesn't he look tropical!

(Terry and Barry walk up to him)

**Mr. Goodman:** Hula Boys, bestow the traditional lei!

**Terry and Barry:** (singing) Hula-wow, hula-wow, chugga-chugga pow! We bring gifts from Pele, and they've got us a flame! First come leis to ease your pain!

**Principal Walker:** PAIN?! What pain?! (leis stack up on him) What?! No! No, NOOOOO! (he starts sniffing something) Huh, what's cooking?

(Camera pans out to reveal him sitting on top of a pile of flaming coals, which he looks down at. Then, he stares at the camera)

**Principal Walker:** ME!!!!!!!

(He jumps high into the air as he screams bloody murder, and he lands in the water)

**Mr. Goodman:** Mr. Walker, you have done a great job getting into the Hawaiian spirit!

(Eric reels him out of the water with a fishing rod)

**Principal Walker:** (dazed) I have?!

**Mr. Goodman:** Yup! But there's one more tradition that will put you over the top!

**Principal Walker:** What's that?

**Mr. Goodman:** You need to sing the Hawaiian Pokey!

(Walker regains his consciousness, and he becomes angry)

**Mr. Goodman:** (offers him the mic) Come on, Gaylord! Blow our minds!

**Principal Walker:** You, want me, to blow your mind?! Because *I* will blow your mind! ***IIIIIII LIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!***

(Camera pans out to reveal everybody shocked)

**Principal Walker:** ***YOU'RE NOT IN HAWAII!!!! YOU ARE STILL IN LAKESIDE!!!!!***

(Then, it cuts to a shot of one of the hallways)

**Principal Walker:** THERE ARE THE CLASSROOMS!

(The library)

**Principal Walker:** THERE IS THE LIBRARY!

(And the auto shop)

**Principal Walker:** AND THERE, IS THE SMELLY AUTO SHOP! WHAT, DO YOU THINK OF **THAT?!!?**

(Beat)

**Mr. Goodman:** I think your case is very sad, sir. Everything you see, and hear, is Lakeside City School.

**Principal Walker:** WHAAAAT?!!?

**Mr. Goodman:** I had the same problem not so long ago. You see-

**Principal Walker:** (slaps him) SHUT UP! (to Edward) You! Glasses boy! (grabs him) Tell me where we are.

**Edward:** We're in Hawaii!

**Principal Walker:** (tosses him away) NOOOO! WHAT?! (points at Igor) Hey, you! Where are we?

**Igor:** Well, to be precise, we're actually on Hookypoopoo Beach on the lovely island of Maui.

**Abdul:** Yeah, we're on the beach of Hookypoopoo Beach on the lovely island of Maui.

**Principal Walker:** (with swirly eyes) NOOOOO! NO MORE!

**Mr. Goodman:** Hawaii, sir.

**Principal Walker:** What? Hawaii? Th-this is Hawaii?

**Mr. Goodman:** Sir?

**Principal Walker:** I-I've been here all along, didn't even see it!

**Mr. Goodman:** Sir?

**Principal Walker:** Hula. Hula, hula. Hula hula hula, hula! Hula hula!

**Mr. Goodman:** Sir, uh, perhaps it's best that we get you back to Lakeside. This vacation is over.

(A van from Cheerful Volts is seen in the parking lot, and Goodman leads Walker to it)

**Principal Walker:** (singing) You do the Hawaiian pokey, and you throw the poi around. That's what it's all about.

(Iris out)

("The End" screen)

(Episode ends)