2019 Power Rankings-Week 2

## Introduction

All predictions wrong or your money back!

It's palendrome week, so it's only fitting that my power rankings were completely backwards. The top three finishers from 2018 all lost. Five of the top six ranked teams in the initial power rankings lost, while the bottom four all won. John Ross and Hollywood Brown balled out, while Odell Beckham and Joe Mixon were barely worth starting.

For a third time, we had a week one battle decided by a fraction of a point. In 2012, it was Momma defeating Papa by a margin of 0.02. Last season, Shotti defeated Pain Train by 0.15. This year, RIP beat Bell by 0.49.

Let's get into these rankings and separate truth from fiction.

## Bust Watch

Let's take a look at how our first round picks performed opening weekend.

Bust Watch: Total Points for First Round Picks
 D.Hopkins (6)
 D.Cook (7)
 D.Johnson (4)
 L.Bell (5)
 S.Barkley (2)
 E.Elliot (3)
 J.Jones (10)
 O.Beckham Jr. (8)
 J.Mixon (9)

No shit, huh? My first round pick didn't perform well? I, for one, am shocked!

## Series Recaps

* Duck Punchers' win evens the franchise series against Garoppoblow Me (7-7). Next matchup: **Week 9**
* Paddock 9's wins to give them a series edge over Sweet Dee (6-5). Next Matchup: **Week 7**
* Papa now leads the series with Pain Train (8-7). Next Matchup: **Week 8**
* Shotti's victory put the franchise ahead of momma in their series (8-7). Next Matchup: N/A
* RIPDab notches their first franchise win against Bell of Da Ball (1-3). Next Matchup: **Week 8**

## Opening Day Standings (Minimum Two Games)

Updated 9/11/19

It continues to be ugly for momma, who has not won opening day in consecutive seasons in nine years. Bell, meanwhile, is now at risk of tying the longest opening day losing streak in LOC History in 2020.

## Stat Chat

* Bell of Da Ball remains 13th on the all-time regular season win list. They still have yet to pass B-2 Hallway Gangstas 8 wins from their one season in 2011. Bell sits at 8-19 through 27 games.
* Bell is on a streak of 21 consecutive regular season games without back-to-back wins.
* With his win, Paddock logs just his third week in first place in nine years. This time last year Paddock was 0-1 and in tenth place.
* Duck Punchers becomes the 2nd team to score over 200 points 70 times in the regular season and 80 teams in the regular season/postseason combined.
* Pain Train lost back-to-back opening day games for the first time in franchise history.

## The 300-Point Club

Welcome back to the club, Mr. 9. Paddock becomes the 6th team to notch multiple games over 300 and has the two most recent 300-point performances. This one is extra special, as he now holds the record for the narrowest margin of victory for a team scoring 300 or more points (50.47). Close call!

## Not a Record You Want to Have

Here is the list of the highest point totals in regular season history by a losing team. Sweet Dee now ranks 3rd on this list.

## Power Rankings

It was only one week, so trying to decide which teams to overreact about and which teams to leave where they were is a difficult task. Even Yahoo doesn't really know what to do. Paddock 9, scoring over 300 in week 1, is no longer projected to go 0-13. Yahoo now has them going...1-12.

Luckily, I have Glorio the Great and Powerful to help me out.

### 1(3). Sweet Dee

* Week 1 Result: Loss
	+ Fact or Fiction: Fiction

If you told me that every player on Sweet Dee's roster would hit double digits and that 8 of them would go over 19 points, I'd say that was a great start to the title defense. But alas, Grudge Pat had come to play. Sweet Dee has a good thing going, with guys like Matt Ryan (34.96), Julio (15.90), and Juju (15.60) destined for better days.

### 2(5). Duck Punchers

* Week 1 Result: Win
	+ Fact or Fiction: Fact

Four guys over 32 points to start the year is impressive, but unlike most teams who had scrub flex guys go off, Duck actually had his top draft picks perform well. DeAndre finished 2nd among first round picks, Derrick Henry finished 4th among all RBs, and Watson 7th among QBs. In fact, the one glitch in the mission was the coveted Dukie J, his lowest starter among RBs and WRs. SAD!

### 3(1). Garoppoblow Me

* Week 1 Result: Loss
	+ Fact or Fiction: Fiction

It wasn't TERRIBLE for GBM, it only felt that way. GBM finished 6th in scoring this week and suffered from some terrible plays at his flex positions. Davis finished with 3 targets and no receptions, while Moncrief dropped almost half his targets against New England and finished with 3.70 points. Outside of that, it's the Baker Mayfield saga. How soon will GBM pull the trigger on a replacement if Baker's bruised hand costs them another W? Turns out immediately, as they have re-acquired Jared Goff off waivers. The guy loves to panic early.

### 4(8). Papa's Posse

* Week 1 Result: Win
	+ Fact or Fiction: Fact

The performance nobody is talking about, Papa scored the second highest point total in the league and did so without his two keepers meeting projections. Sure, DeSean Jackson isn't going to score 56.60 every week, but Thielen isn't going to score under 15, either. Carson Wentz scored 55 and almost all of that came in the final 30 minutes of action against Washington. Bell scored 30 but didn't look 100% back in football mode. Rams D gave up 27 but still scored 24 fantasy points. I don't know, I suddenly like this team.

### 5(10). Paddock 9

* Week 1 Result: Win
	+ Fact or Fiction: Fiction

   The last time Paddock won on opening day Brady still only had three rings. It doesn't take much roster browsing to see that this team still has some big issues. Namely, Their WR1 and WR2 didn't make their projections and Dede's fabled hookup with Nick Foles is no longer on the table, devaluing him greatly. Gallup and Josh Jacobs look great, though.

### 6(7). The Shotti Bunch

* Week 1 Result: Win
	+ Fact or Fiction: Fact

A workmanlike 222 score from Shotti, with most of his best players still on the bench. The Antonio Brown saga is obviously one of the most insane things ever, but if he suits up Shotti is going to be hard to beat this week. Are teams going to be able to take advantage of TSB while he's at his weakest, or are we seeing the reemergence of our former champion?

### 7(9). RIPDab

* Week 1 Result: Win
	+ Fact or Fiction: Fiction

This week's lowest scoring winner, RIPDab narrowly escaped thanks to half a point by Adam Vinatieri. He outscored Bell at the position 3.50-3. This brings up a very interesting fantasy football debate about the importance, or rather volatility and unpredictability, of kickers. Should kickers, who are seldom researched by owners and mostly picked up either at random or just based on projection, be deciding fantasy matchups in the year of our lord 2019? I digress, but anyway yeah this team really looked like shit on Sunday. It's a good thing for McCaffrey.

### 8(2). Bell of Da Ball

* Week 1 Result: Loss
	+ Fact or Fiction: Fact

Speaking of looking like shit! Could Bell have possibly waited a little while before beginning their annual self-destruct sequence? Not only do they lose their star TE with a fractured knee, but Lockett hasn't been practicing and both of their keepers, who were supposed to be bellcows, played like junk. It's a bit of an overreaction here at LOC HQ, but they pretty much need to win this week against Sweet Dee who is coming off a monster game.

### 9(4). Pain Train

* Week 1 Result: Loss
	+ Fact or Fiction: Fact

Pain Train's 155.57-point performance is their worst since week 11 of 2016, when they scored (yes, this is true) exactly 155.57 points. Huge drop by Pain Train, mostly as a product of the already mounting injuries. Joe Mixon clearly has availability issues with that ankle, Guice is out for several weeks, Shepard is in concussion protocol, Hill has a busted shoulder, and Lamar Jackson can't play the Miami Dolphins every week. There was a great effort to patch the leaking ship this week with some decent acquisitions, but hopefully PT isn't chasing week one points and their new guys stay hot.

### 10(6). ma ma momma said

* Week 1 Result: Loss
	+ Fact or Fiction: Fact

For only giving up 10 real life points, Chicago Defense didn't really impress with many fantasy life points, but neither did Aaron Rodgers. That set the tone for a Sunday in which their starting two WR's combined for 10.3 points and six of their starters were outscored by their own kicker. To make things worse, Mike Williams looks like he has a knee problem and might not go in a rivalry game against Paddock 9.

## Matchups

* Papa's Posse vs. RIPDab
	+ RIP leads the series 7-6
* Duck Punchers vs. Pain Train
	+ Duck leads the series 6-4
* Garoppoblow Me vs. The Shotti Bunch
	+ Shotti leads the series 8-5

* Bell of da Ball vs. Sweet Dee
	+ Dee leads the series 1-0

### Matchup of the Week - Momma, There Goes that Dinosaur

Paddock 9 and ma ma momma said are tied 5-5 in their franchise series. While one team has been steadily ascending in power over the last few seasons, the other has devolved into a primordial soup of suck. Momma does not buy into the rumors that they are #Done, blaming the sports media for spinzoning their woes and burying their Glory Bowl victory deep beneath a pile of hot takes. But the fact is, they need to win. And they need to win now. If Paddock wins, there is a good chance he remains atop the standings for back-to-back weeks for the first time in his franchise history. And that also means there is a good chance that momma is in last place for the record-tying 16th week.

## LXC

Every team that lost in LOC also lost in LXC. If you got beat, the same guy beat you twice. Nice. This week we all have the same opponents again!

## Conclusion

News is happening way too fast. By the time I finish the writeup everything has changed. Sam Darnold has mono from kissing Brady's rings, Bell might be hurt, Doctson is on IR, I guess people are starting to buy into the Minshaw hype? What is relevant? I have no idea. Tune in next time.