Blessed Pipeman

Blessed Pipeman

> "Blessed Pipeman, Blessed Pipeman, it's the Blessed Pipeman!"
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**Voxis Productions**, or **Voxis** for short, real name **Professor Albert Tosspot**, also known by his granted title of the **Blessed Pipeman**, is a living puppet and one of the most beloved EFAP allies. best known for his reading of erotica written by Chuck Tingle. Alongside Cynic Snacks and CJ from Cynical Productions they form The Great British Podcast - a faction very similar to EFAP.

## Appearance

Pipeman is a living puppet, with felt-like skin and black beady eyes. His balding head and grey moustache suggest that he is an older gentleman. His most distinctive feature is his pipe from which he smokes.

His attire consists of a white shirt, brown coat and red bowtie. His voice is also very distinct, making him instantly recognizable. It has been noted that he sounds uncannily like The Crypt Keeper from HBO's *Tales from the Crypt*, leading some to believe he is the Crypt Keeper's British brother.

He is quite short, but he can still be considered a Longman.

## Personality

Due to his degree and experience Voxis is quite intelligent and eccentric fellow, often being loud and full of energy while shouting his catchphrase "bollocks." He is a very respected being in the universe, at least from the side of good, the Toxic Brood troops are very fond of him, especially during his reading of Chuck Tingle's books to everyone. He is not without his flaws as he can get quite nervous due to bad arguments, objectively bad media or even saying "Blessed Pipeman" too many times. He can also get shy when meeting a female, as seen during his first interaction with JLongBone. He also can do some questionable decisions, such as using other puppets as living ammo.

## History

### Being Blessed as The Pipeman

Voxis first appeared in EFAP 24 and immediately became a fan favorite among the Toxic Brood, starting off the stream by reading gay erotica about sentient donuts. He helped the gang take on SnowmanGaming, who then came onto the stream for a discussion. After witnessing the heated debate over weird grapes between Wolf and Rags, he was also present when The Forbidden One achieved peak of his power and it was him who changed his name to "Blessed Pipeman." The two became close shortly after, even if only for a while.

### EFAP 50 - The One-Year Anniversary of Pausing Every Frame

> "I don't know how to react to this, do we clap. or do we cry?"
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> "Most people usually blacklist me."
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> - MauLer and Pipeman, after a reading of Chuck Tingle
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The Pipeman joined on for the third part of EFAP 50, to which MauLer commented all three hosts of The Great British Podcast had been on, though at different times. The Pipeman asked if recent developments surrounding The Forbidden One meant he could be given a new nickname, but this request was turned down. After a brief aside about Eddie Furlong looking for work, the Pipeman blessed the roster with a dramatic reading of Chuck Tingle's *My Ass is Haunted by the Gay Unicorn Colonel*. After his reading was completed, MauLer praised him for how well-read it was and asked if he had considered a career in it, and Rags recommended they all take a 10-minute break to cool down. Voxis had to leave after the reading was done since he needed to prepare for The Great British Podcast.

## Powers and Abilities

* **Firearms Proficiency** - He can shoot from most guns, even mortars as demonstrated during the EFAP vs TGBP war in EFAP #33.
* **Swordmanship** - Voxis can use his pipe as a Sword-Like Weapon.
* **Hand-to-Hand Combat** - Pipeman can hold his own in a fistfight.
* **Knowledge of Ancient Lore** - The Pipeman carries extensive Gay knowledge with him due to being well-read on Chuck Tingle's erotic stories, which he shares with the cast periodically to bless them with his insights.
* **F-Word Pass** - Despite being a heterosexual, Voxis has the F-Word Pass, which he uses to channel The Gay

## Trivia

* He was born in 1949, as he was 70 in 2019.
* Blessed Pipeman's power level is unknown but it can be assumed that he is stronger than Jack Saint and Taxxon.
* He thinks Rags is a coward for refusing to eat pineapple pizza and is often exasperated by his fights with Wolf.
* He has worked for both Harvard and Yale.
* He is knowledgeable on several religions and knows many facts about Slaanesh the Chaos God.
* He sometimes gets depressed over his inability to play modern video games.
* He can do an incredible Droopy Dog impression.
* He has likened EFAP to being in a German fetish club, due to the presence of furries and gas masks
* He is not a degenerate freak.
* All he need in Christmas is a sock and some mashed potatoes... to fuck.
* He thinks of Rian Johnson as job creator who fucked up, as YouTubers make careers off of ripping on his work.
* Taxxon being topless is his anti-Viagra, would rather be looking down the barrel of a gun.
* sees chaotic podcast as something he would welcome.
* Suspects there is shrine of EFAP in Lil' Potato's house.
* He doesn’t play weeb games.
* He is professor, handsome, has so many books, a big house, must be very learned, so he clearly a authority in everything
* Game experts' fingers are covered cheeto dust
* thinks that people should have experience in in subject they talk about
* In his opinion, Jaden Smith is modern Socrates, if Socrates was deprived of oxygen at birth and dropped on his head few times.
* You should die if you hold gun sideways.
* His favorite Ghibli movie is “the one with the tentacles”.

## Quotes

* "What the fuck have I done? Brother against brother! All over the fucking olives!" - EFAP 24
* “Water under the faggot”
* "Just fuck already!!"
* "Halloween is home delivery for pedophiles"
* “Like an astral projection molestation?” - EFAP 50
* "Testes, one, two, three..." - EFAP 50
* "Make sure your boss doesn't hear this... because he might get aroused, and give you a promotion." - EFAP 50
* "'"Harder!" I scream back at him, even more turned on in- more never turned,' bleh ah, fuck!, eheheh - 'never more turned on in my entire life.'" - EFAP 50

## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 EFAP #24 - A discussion with Snowman Gaming and Jared graces the podcast - Ft. Voxis the Pipeman
2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 Black Panther, The Oscar Nominations, and The State of Media Criticism ft. MauLer - TGBP Episode 4