As the World Crumbles Entries

**<< As the World Crumbles**

*A list of all chapters can be found here.*

## Entries

All entries are written by Léon Carthania.

### **From ‘Preface’, written on the 34th day of Valai, 1251**

*I am writing this preface long after I have penned this journal. I am releasing my writings here to the general public— a decision that many of my closest friends have advised against— though I don’t believe there is much worry in what I am doing.*
*I have written this preface to warn those looking for guidance. You will not find any here. What you will find in this journal is much suffering, and, admittedly, a very poor response on my end in terms of dealing with it properly.*

*You will find a family being torn apart. You will find an exploration of the fallout. You will not find a happy ending. Do not take my actions as the proper course, and do not expect to read prophetic words to reveal themselves between the letters and lines in this book.*

*In terms of introductions, I do not find one necessary in this case. If you are reading my words, you already know who I am.*

### **From entry on the 17th day of Velas, 1251**

*I’m not sure if writing down my thoughts will do as much good as people say, but I don’t seem to have much of a choice anymore. These nightmares have been given too much time to prevail, and I haven’t been given enough time to fixing them besides the attempts to keep others from thinking anything is amiss.*
*Though, I suppose not having them would now be the exception, and the current state of constant nightmares wouldn’t be amiss at all.*

*My family has been gone for a much shorter time than it feels, though nine years is still a long time. Not long enough, though. The emotions of their deaths are still fresh, and I am often consumed by grief that I recognize should have subsided long ago.*

*Maybe it’s because I haven’t taken the time to grieve properly.*

*Maybe it’s because I almost can’t accept that it has even happened.*

*Or maybe it’s simply too traumatic to properly overcome. A less damaging event and I wouldn’t still be wrestling with the memories, but any more of a disturbing a circumstance and my mind might have automatically repressed them.*

*Is it wrong to wish I couldn’t feel? To live with no emotions holding me back?*

*Maybe describing my parents and, by extension, preserving their memory in writing would do good. I think it’s worth a try, at least.*

*My parents were endlessly strict, but they were equally as proud. Proud in a way only parents can be. They usually favored my brother, though I suppose that is only due to the simple fact he was born first. If I were the eldest child, I would’ve been treated similarly.*

*My father was a man you never wished to be unfavorable with. He took a general disgust to those he deemed unworthy, or lesser, though as far as I remember, those unworthy were simply normal people. Though, normal people were less fortunate than my father, and I suppose that is all that mattered in his mind.*

*He was a unique father, though, spending most of his time away. But he always managed to find the time— occasionally whole days— to spend with his two sons. As many know, he was a very proud man when he wished to be. He was also a man who expected highly of my brother and I, and, as far as I am aware, we delivered.*

*I don’t believe it is too pretentious to say that we were intelligent, strictly from a statistical perspective, but sometimes I wonder how much of that I owe to my extremely favorable upbringing rather than my own wit. Sometimes I question if an Outer City resident would be as prepared and knowledgeable as I, provided he was given the same training and respect.*

*Much like my father, my mother was a woman many were fond of.*

*Though where my father was strict, furious, and proud, she was lax, calm, and reserved about her approval. I believe my mother was one of the few that favored me over my brother; however, I don’t want that to blind my opinion of her.*

*From what I remember of her before she was too busy to be found, she would be constantly worried, fretting over every decision anyone made, and often withheld remarks or opinions that could be vital to a conversation. Though, the most frustrating fact about my mother was her tendency to polemicize over everything, often playing Vren’s advocate for arguments she agreed with.*

*I never understood why she did this.*

*Most things my parents did are things I can remember and find reason in, but I don’t see any reason in this. It only adds unnecessary worry to a decision that has probably already been decided upon, and I don’t think anyone’s mind would be changed by her last minute arguments.*

*I do not resent my parents, as much as it may seem to some, even after experiencing their worst moments. If anything, I wish I could experience those bad moments, if only to bask in the good moments again.*

*They do not deserve any resentment from me, even after death.*