Troubled Development (De-Austismed)

The truth is that the development of heroes of Might and Magic V (Ubisoft) (2006) was incredibly difficult, tedious and oftentimes - dangerous.

Many of the staff behind HoMMV's development did not manage to survive the tale, as the conditions of the Siberian gulag from which Nival Entertainment operated - were hardly humane.

Many of the staff - didn't make it.

Let this wiki article serve as the sole documented evidence of the cost of human life inflicted by the development of this great turn-based strategy.

### **Going Bearmode**

Berry Picking was the primary means of sustenance for Nival Entertainment, as the budget was largely blown on cheap alcohol and Ukrainian cigarettes. Oleg Ovechkin, lead programmer for HoMM V - went missing after a standard daytime berry foraging operation. It was later discovered that unfortunately, Overchkin had an unfortunate encounter with an East Siberian brown bear (Ursus arctos collaris), leaving him mauled (to death).

### **Well, Well**

As if the food concerns weren't enough, the frequent dehydration brought on by consuming Absolut Cossack Vodka made water an additional necessity. Unfortunately, the only well in the region of the Nival Entertainment gulag was incredibly treacherous. Producing a seemingly endless supply of water, the water well itself appeared to be - quite bottomless. And after one unfortunate night of heavy drinking, Andrey Supryaga and Kirill Naumov, two artistic leads on the HoMMV project - accidentally fell into the well. There was no sound, no impact, no closure - as the well had swallowed them whole, falling forever into a pit of endless despair.

### **Bound By Blood**

While the exact circumstances of the events that took place aren't clear, what was clear was that Nival Entertainment's gulag sweatshop had attracted the attention of forces beyond that of the normal, mortal realm. Development was not just dangerous - it was cursed. And so it came to pass that one night, after a bout of heavy drinking and questioning the legitimacy of their government - the lead designer, Alexander Mishulin, was snatched in the dead of night by a gargoyle.

Some say his crime was a blood curse long held and forgotten by his family, after arguing with and spitting on the carpets of a Tatar sorcerer - who damned Mishulin's bloodline with a thousand year old hex.

But others from the company claimed that this is entirely superstition, and that Tatars aren't even capable of casting spells, let alone bloodbinding gargoyles or golems to their servitude. The more logical explanation, according to their own account, was that Alexander talked shit about the glorious Russian Federation and was kidnapped for questioning by their secret services (SVR RF), which are known to employ gargoyles, golems and Gopnik shapeshifters to do their bidding. His lack of return may mean that he's still - to this day - held for questioning at one of the SVR RF detention centers.

The last remaining trace of HoMM V's lead designer, is this last, chilling photograph taken moments before his kidnapping.

### **Conclusion**

Let this document serve as a warning, a sobering tale about the trials and tribulations all developers have to face when developing videogames, especially if done inside a cursed, godforsaken country like Russia.