Aurateur

Bald "Aurateur" Man is a bald and sassy Twitch streamer who plays Super Mario Maker 2 and various other games. He is a member of the band Birth Defect.

## History

"Aurateur" was originally a television show created in 1982 by Howard Aurastein and Sven Teurson. The concept was that a person would play pinball while viewers would come up to the stage and tell little stories or most often just gibberish for comedic effect. Later, the show evolved to play on arcade machines. After many years of adaptation and refinement, the show is still running on Twitch today with Super Mario Maker 2 being the primary game. The current Aurateur, Stanley Schmidt, is the twelfth Aurateur.

## Appearance and Personality

### Personality

Aurateur has been known to have a loud and vivacious personality, full of passion and emotion at all times. However, the moment someone sends a TTS message in his stream, he immediately reverts into a numb and turtle-like state for the rest of the stream, in which he is only able to feel anything when chat members are suffering financially or when there is Bald representation in the video games he plays.

## Relationships

Aurateur has had a multitude of relationships, outside of various affairs with mothers of the viewers of the show. One of the most well-known personalities around Aurateur is his old crush Sarah, and her boyfriend Tanner. Tanner went to high school with Aurateur, during which Tanner would relentlessly bully Aurateur every day. The conflict hit its apex when Tanner invited his crush Sarah to prom, crushing Aurateur's hopes and dreams of ever getting laid.

There have been multiple eye witnesses that recognized Aurateur with long luscious flowing hair as a former construction worker for commercial development on the coast of the Alabama beach. Notably enjoying the destruction of local wild life that came with the job, his most favorite was, "crushing those damn mice."

After an alleged train accident where tangled hair was caught on the train wheels, he went missing for many years. Experts theorize he seeks repentance from Marvisjj for his atrocities against the Alabama Beach Mouse to this day and is unworthy to be in Marvisjj's grace because of his past actions. In multiple interviews, Marvisjj has forgiven Aurateur and says that he constantly has to turn down becoming a moderator so that he can proclaim the urgent information of the ABM as a lowly viewer.

In March of 2020, Aurateur began a long-term relationship with the Alabama Beach Mouse until its eventual extinction in May of 2020 in which it is rumored that Aurateur violently beat it to death with his glasses (shattering the frame) during a domestic dispute over their beachfront properties. A hit-piece published in the Featuring Worth Times even implicated governor Al Bama, claiming the governor covered up the death as repayment for Aurateur's continued donations towards Bama's campaigns for pregnant Fortnite skins.

## Achievements

### Time travel

Aurateur is noted in history as the first Twitch streamer to engage in the regular use of time travel. Six times a week, at exactly 11 PM Eastern Standard Time, Aurateur activates his time machine to travel 5 minutes and 59 seconds into the future to start his stream (down from 3 hours prior to 2022).

### Birth Defect

Aurateur is famous for his role in the hit indie band "Birth Defect" (note: not to be confused with Aurateur's birth defect, baldness). They reportedly were denied from small-time talent shows due to their massive over-qualification, and were so overwhelmed by contract deals and big-time gigs that they pre-emptively retired at their peak, which happened to be prior to performing in public or releasing any songs.

### His role in educating the Super Mario Maker 2 community

You know, this level was impressive. It's impressive that you managed to take such a simple concept - just, cat on the wall being pushed by an autoscroller in between some spikes - such a simple concept, and you managed to make such a bad level out of it. It's unbelievable honestly. It's crazy. I think I'm gonna officially put you on the list of people who I'm just not gonna play their levels anymore. You can join with shapeshiftingboombox and you guys can be new best friends on the list of people who's level I just don't want to play. This is not the first time that I've played a phenstyle level and felt like I'd rather be dead. So I think I'm just going to not play any of your levels in the future. Congratulations. 500,000 seconds.

### 1972 Nude Feature in Cosmopolitan Magazine

In 1972, Aurateur, who was then in his Mid 30's and under the alias "Burt Reynolds", was featured as a centerfold in Cosmopolitan magazine, completely nude on a Bearskin rug. Later, after the advent of the internet, all archives of this photo added hair to the picture, but anyone who was around back then would clearly recognize Aurateur's timeless Bald look, with his smart glasses and handsome penis.

## Trivia

* Today is Aurateur's birthday.
* Aurateur believes that Yoshi might get embarrassed when he poops eggs in front of Mario.
* Bald Points, a currency earned by watching Aurateur, are one of the most valuable cryptocurrencies on Earth.
* Aurateur's favorite letter is R.
* Aurateur's favorite emote is Jigglin.
* Aurateur has awarded Joanna "Employee of the Month" every month for the past 7+ years.
* Aurateur frequently gives financial advice on stream.
* After the last Alabama Beach Mouse scientist went extinct, The governor of Alabama (Al Bama) gave Aurateur a statue of the beloved scientist for display on his front lawn, prompting Aurateur to purchase a new house accordingly.
	+ Aurateur currently has 17 recycling bins in the driveway of his new house.
* The limited edition "Aurateur Chia Pet" does not grow anything when adding water. This was not a defect but an intentional design choice by the company.
* Aurateur has not washed his dishes in 13 days, 23 hours, and 59 minutes. They are currently sitting in a pile out in the open air above his empty dishwasher.
* Aurateur will not add an emote of two PotFriends having sex.
* Aurateur has stated that he has performed PotFriend IRL off-stream on numerous occasions.
* Aurateur derives great joy from economic hardships befalling his viewers.
* Aurateur has been accused of not actually being BALD but in fact wearing a 'bald cap' or green/blue screening his hair out. Aurateur has declined to comment.
* Aurateur is one of the most talented Mario Kart players in the world. If everyone stopped playing Mario Kart for like, 2 years, then started up again, he would dominate everyone. Unfortunately there are lots of people who live in their parents basement and spend thousands of hours playing Mario Kart. All of these players generally find their way in Aurateur's Mario Kart lobbies, which is why he can often be seen coming in 10th.
* Aurateur's favorite powerup is the Superball flower.
* Aurateur hates salads, garlic, and most awesome vegetables generally. He eats tons of fruit, but claims cereals have too many sugars.
* read comment on lsf one of the best mario cart players, come here to watch dies 15 times in a row
* If you don't have a Clown Car, get the fuck out of here.
* Chinese for emptiness or sky.
* Aurateur's favorite Mario Maker 2 level creator is Leto II.
* Once, when asked whether he likes feet, Aurateur replied, "N-no...?" in a very convincing tone. After a moment's consideration, he continued, "I don't *dislike* feet."
* Aurateur has an unfortunate habit of blaming other players for taking too long in multiplayer games, when it is, in fact, his turn.
* Aurateur's Glasses have X-Ray vision and he can see all of the viewers in their underwear, even YOU.
* Aurateur has been known to have secret wig streams, in which he wears increasingly bizarre wigs and ends by doing a small and repetitive dance to the world's greatest song, "Banana Boat (Day-O)" by Sir Harry Belafonte. Viewers have said these particular streams have a surreal and dream-like quality similar to something created by David Lynch.
* Aurateur is also known for having a pet slug, but it has not been seen since Aurateur had that sushi eating stream.
* Aurateur once tried to perform Bald Licky Licky on himself on stream but hurt his back in the process.
* Aurateur's parents are two Crash Test Dummies who magically came to life during the night the first Chevy Cavalier was created, under a dark and moonless sky. They then traveled to Texas to raise their future son, Archibald Baldwin aka Stanley Schmidt aka Aurateur aka Big Bad Bald.
* Aurateur's favorite memory is when he accidentally bought the Family Size version of Garden Salsa Sun Chips and didn't immediately turn his car around, tires screeching, to get his favored standard sized Sun Chips bag. Instead, Aurateur went directly home, stripped completely nude, and dumped the Sun Chips all over himself. You can sometimes in Aurateur's streams see him daydreaming about this glorious moment.