Meet Swackhammer

Indeed, the evil Mr. Swackhammer was up to no good. And if the cops were trying to get him, they would have trouble doing so. Mostly because his hideout was in the sewers, which is difficult to locate unless one knows how to get there.

Inside a prison cell, Shifu was sad because he had to control some sort of robot that pours tea into a cup. His captor had already put the red panda to world on this wicked project.

The captor was indeed revealed to be a dark green fat ugly alien with yellow eyes and a cigar in his mouth, wearing a pink shirt, a purple business jacket, matching business pants, and dark gray flip-flop sandals. His name was Swackhammer, the world's greatest criminal mind.

Swackhammer chuckled at his work as he emerged from the shadows. "Quite an ingenious scheme, eh, Shifu?" he asked cruelly, "And aren't you proud to be a part of it?"

"This whole thing...it's monstrous!" Shifu stuttered in fear. The red panda worked the controls to make the machine put sugar into the tea cup then stirs. Swackhammer rolled his eyes as he pulled a gold bell out of his coat pocket.

"We *will* have our little device ready by tomorrow evening now, won't we? You know what would happen if you...fail, correct?"

Rather than becoming afraid, Shifu became angry and defiant. "I...I don't care!"

With that, he pulled the controls hard. This caused the robot to dump a cup of tea on its head, then seized the teapot onto itself before throwing it at Swackhammer, who dodged it in time. The mad machine flailed around like mad before stopping...squirting oil out which landed on the alien's suit, much to his annoyance.

"My favorite suit!" Swackhammer cried. Then he angrily turned to Shifu, shouting, "You'll pay for this, you..."

"You can do what you want with me!" Shifu cut him off, "I won't be a part of this...this...this evil any longer!" He really didn't care if his own life was in danger, not if it involved being forced into what the villain had in mind.

Swackhammer wiped the oil off his suit. He expected the defiance from Shifu, so the alien got an awful idea.

"Very well. If that is your decision. Oh, by the way, I'm taking the liberty on having the little ones brought here." said Swackhammer, as he picked up some familiar dolls that Vanitas and Team Rocket took during the struggle, winding them up a bit.

"The...the Gangreen Gang?" gasped Shifu.

"Yes." Swackhammer then put the toys down before they started dancing. "I would spend many sleepless nights, if anything would...befall them."

"You wouldn't!" Shifu pleaded.

Swackhammer picked up the toys...then squeezed them extremely tightly before they broke, causing the toys' heads to pop out. The villain looked at them in pretend sorrow, then gave a threatening glare at the horrified captor. Swackhammer is willing to hurt the Gangreen Gang unless Shifu cooperates.

"FINISH IT, SHIFU!" Swackhammer shouted furiously.

With a sigh, Shifu went back to work. The red panda had no choice now. The Gangreen Gang will be harmed unless he does what Swackhammer says.

When Swackhammer left the prison, he hummed while writing a list. The villain always enjoyed finding ways to force his captives to cooperate, one way or another.

"Oh, I love it when I'm nasty." Swackhammer chuckled cruelly.

Then he went over to above the doorway to another building where Vanitas and Team Rocket were sleeping on top of a balcony, although Meowth is the only one awake and listening to some rock music on his headphones and CD player.

"Guys?" Swackhammer called out to his henchmen. The three humans kept on sleeping. In annoyance, the villain jumped up and yelled in their faces, "GUYS!"

Vanitas, Jessie, and James yelped in alarm as they fell off the balcony and right near the alien's feet. Vanitas and Team Rocket groaned as they got back up to their own feet. Although Meowth jumped down snapping his fingers to the music, not paying attention.

"Bright and alert, as always." Swackhammer remarked with a cruel chuckle.

"Don't wake us like up that." Vanitas said, rubbing the back of his sore head.

"And what is this?" a curious James asked, noticing the list.

"It's a list, you idiot," Jessie snapped, slapping James. "Very important! He wants us to kidnap those twerps!"

"And...!" Swackhammer was about to say when he noticed along with his henchman Meowth still listening to his CD.

"Meowth!" They shouted in anger and annoyance. But the cat Pokémon continued to ignore them, not paying attention.

Vanitas then punched Meowth squarely in the back of his head, snapping him out of his music. Meowth got angry and annoyed.

"I was listening to music! Who hit me?!"

Vanitas calmly and casually pointed at Jessie and James. "They did it."

"WHAT?!" Jessie and James asked in shock.

Then Meowth scratched both his human partners in their faces, screaming "How dare you hit me!"

Angered, Team Rocket then got into a huge fist fight while Vanitas laughed at them at first.

Swackhammer then cleared his throat impatiently at the dark boy, and he sighed in annoyance.

"Alright..." Vanitas said flatly, and then he used his Aeroga spell to break up Team Rocket's fight.

Then Vanitas said to the three, "Pay attention! We got a job!"

"Here's the list." said Swackhammer, as he gave his henchmen the list, "And you know what to do. And no mistakes!"

"Yes. N-n-no mistakes, sir." Meowth chuckled nervously. As Swackhammer went through the doorway, Meowth then looked at the list carefully to see what the alien needed for them to get. "Tools, gears, boys, girls, bride for Vanitas, uniforms--."

Swackhammer, annoyed, poked his head out and shouted, "NOW, GUYS!!!"

"We're going, we're going, we're going!" Meowth gasped.

And thus, Vanitas and Team Rocket rushed over to a drain grate, lifting it up before disappearing out of the room.

Inside the room, the villain approached his throne. His minions were waiting, cheering him on as he sat down on his throne. They consist of various Koopa Troopas, including the Koopalings. Normally these Koopas wouldn't help a simple alien...then again, Swackhammer's mind control is always in place here.

Swackhammer announced, "My friends, we are about to embark on the most odious, the most evil, the most diabolical scheme of my illustrious career. A crime to top all crimes, a crime that will live in infamy!!!"

The Koopas cheered wildly. A brown cockroach with big yellow eyes, wearing a white shirt, matching opera gloves, a blue vest, an orange bow tie, green pants, and black shoes with white spats over them, named Digit, looked at his empty mug, frowning as the last drop of his beer came out of it before landing on the ground. He is thirsty for more alcohol!

Swackhammer held up a newspaper article with a picture of someone on it. It was a tall, slender 24-year-old woman with fair skin, blue eyes, and medium-length blue hair (which is mostly parted to her left). She wears a lavender with long sleeves and a hem that stops above her ankles, bluish-lavender bloomers that stop *at* her ankles (complete with a frill at the bottom of each leg), a matching camisole with buttons and a sapphire blue ribbon attached to the chest, a maroon robe with fluffy white trimming, a ruffly pink silk cravat, a matching head cloak, pink pumps, and a golden crown on her head. Her name was Aqua, the queen of the government of Orlando.

"Tomorrow evening, our beloved monarch celebrates her diamond jubilee." Swackhammer said cruelly, "And, with the "enthusiastic" help of our good friend Master Shifu."

The Koopas chuckled meanly as they smirked at each other, with Iggy, Lemmy's older twin brother, elbowing Digit in the face.

"It promises to be a night she will never forget!" The villain brought out a lighter then lights the middle of the picture, causing it to burn up.

The Koopas gasped in shock and fear as Swackhammer laughed wickedly.

"Her last night, and my first as the supreme ruler of all Orlando!" Swackhammer finished, as he jumped up, messing with his collar a bit, with the Koopas cheering for their boss.

As music began to play, Swackhammer pinned his collar down before sauntering down on the red carpet, followed by a spotlight shining on him. Morton gave him his top hat, which he rolled down on his arms before putting it on. After a laugh, Swackhammer began to sing.

Dr. Blowhole: *From the brain that brought you the Disney World Caper*
*The head that made headlines in every newspaper*
*And wondrous things like the Cinderella Castle Job*
*That cunning display that made Floridians sob*

He proceeded in twirling his cane around a rope and yanked it. This caused a big bottle of pink champagne to pour into the fountain. Digit excitedly tossed his empty glass then rushed over to the fountain, drinking it like mad.

Swackhammer: *Now comes the real tour de force*
*Tricky and wicked, of course*
*My earlier crimes were fine for their times*
*But now that I'm at it again*

With a cruel laugh, Dr. Blowhole kicked Digit right into the fountain of champagne.

Swackhammer: *An even grimmer plot has been simmering*
*In my great criminal brain*

The Koopas, minus Digit, sang along.

Koopas: *Even meaner?*
*You mean it?*
*Worse than the widows and orphans you drowned?*

The Koopas lifted their boss up, spinning him around as they sang onward.

Koopas: *You're the best of the worst around*
*Oh, Swackhammer*
*Oh, Swackhammer*
*The rest fall behind*

Digit got out of the fountain, drunk as a skunk, and landed on the floor.

Koopas: *To Swackhammer*
*To Swackhammer*
*The world's greatest criminal mind*

The Koopas put their boss down. Swackhammer took off his hat before playing the harp beautifully, smiling as the lights dim blue.

"Thank you, thank you. But it hasn't all been champagne and caviar," Swackhammer said. "I've had my share of adversity, thanks to that miserable, second-rate detective, Sora of Concord Street!" He glared at a rag doll that looks like Sora.

The Koopas booed furiously. That hero always gets in Swackhammer way! It's not fair!

"For years, that insufferable pipsqueak has interfered with my plans," Swackhammer fake sobbed. "And I haven't had a moment's peace of mind."

"Awww!"

Digit sniffled sadly before sobbing for real. Poor guy!

Just then, the lights turned red, with the alien grinning cruelly.

"But, all that's in the past! This time, nothing, not even Sora, can stand in my way! All will bow before me!" Swackhammer exclaimed wickedly. As the lights changed back to normal, the Koopas bowed before their boss as they sang once more.

Koopas: *Oh, Swackhammer*
*Oh, Swackhammer*
*You're tops! Make a wish!*
*To Swackhammer*
*To Swackhammer*

Digit: *To Swackhammer, the world's greatest frog fish*
Hic!

Swackhammer was drinking his wine when he heard the Digit say that, making him shocked as he spat his drink out. The Koopalings gasped in terror. Not good. Digit had made a very serious bad mistake!

"What...was that?!" Swackhammer demanded furiously, as he turned angrily towards Digit, who hiccuped again. "What did you call me?!"

"Oh, oh! He didn't mean it, Mr. Swackhammer!" Roy exclaimed frantically.

"Yes, it was a slip of the tongue." Larry replied.

"He's drunk from the champagne as far as I'm concerned." Wendy answered.

Ignoring them, Swackhammer angrily lifted Digit by his shirt and vest and yelled in his face, "I AM ***NOT*** A FROG FISH!"

"Of course you're not," Lemmy admitted nervously. "You are an alien."

"Yes, that is true." Iggy agreed.

"Yeah, that's right. Right. An alien!" Morton remarked, hoping that the boss would spare Digit.

"Yeah," Ludwig quickly remarked. "A BIG alien!"

"SILENCE!" Swackhammer shouted furiously, shutting the Koopalings up.

And thus, the villain threw Digit out of the hideout. Digit rolled a little, shaking his head while sitting up and smiling in a drunk manner.

The alien came out, saying in a dramatic tone, "Oh, my dear Digit. I'm afraid that you have gone and upset me." He cruelly pulled the bell out of his pocket and smiled coldly, saying, "You know what happens when someone upsets me!"

The Koopalings gasped in horror as Swackhammer rang the bell. The Koopalings hid as a shadowy monster approached Digit. He was unaware of what was going on as the drunk cockroach kept on singing.

Digit: *Oh, Swackhammer*
*Oh, Swackhammer*
*You're the tops! Now make a wish!*

"Oops. Dear." Digit said after he hiccuped. The monster came closer to him.

Digit: *To Swackhammer*
*To Swackhammer*

The thing picked him up and lifted the drunk cockroach to its jaws. The Koopalings gasped in fear. Four out of seven looked away while Swackhammer enjoyed his cigar in satisfaction.

Digit: *To Swackhammer*
*The world's greatest...*

The Koopalings heard the noise of a gulping being made, along with a roar of contentment.

Roy, Morton, Ludwig, and Wendy closed their eyes and bowed their heads in sadness while Larry, Iggy, and Lemmy shed tears, sniffled, and wiped some from their eyes.

Swackhammer cooed over the creature as he came over to it, who was smiling, while wiping its mouth with his handkerchief. It was a crocodile-sized albino dinosaur with red yellow eyes and part of his jaw scarred from a missing tooth. Its name was Rudy, Swackhammer's faithful pet.

"Oh, Rudy, my precious, my baby. Did Daddy's little honey bun enjoy his tasty treat?" Swackhammer asked, hugging the dinosaur like his little baby.

Rudy burped in his master's face, much to his dismay. The villain let go and returned to the Koopalings after Iggy, Lemmy, and Larry have dried their eyes. "I trust there will be no further interruptions." He put his arms around the Iggy and Lemmy, clearing his throats and saying, "And now, as you were singing?"

The Koopalings hesitated, huddling a bit. After what happened to Digit, they were not sure if they wanna do this anymore. But after seeing Swackhammer holding his bell...well, that's enough to change their minds!

The Koopas went back to sing as fast as they could.

Koopas: *Even louder*
*We'll shout it*
*No one can doubt what we know you can do*

The Koopas quickly grabbed a robe, crown, and scepter and rushed them to Swackhammer, giving the items to him. The evil alien smirked while smacking a few of his minions away.

Koopas: *You're more evil than even you*
*Oh, Swackhammer*
*Oh, Swackhammer*
*You're one of a kind*
*To Swackhammer*
*To Swackhammer*

The Koopas used the jewels to make pyramids. One of them tried to keep his balance before falling. The Koopas swing on the chandeliers. Lemmy tumbled and fell. Swackhammer held his robe as if to catch the Koopaling but pulled it back, causing Lemmy to hit the floor hard.

Koopas: *The world's greatest criminal mind*

Once the song was over, the Koopas gave one more toast, clashing and breaking their glasses. Swackhammer finished what he was doing, smirking evilly. Everything will go as planned...