Scared Straight Program

It's never too late to help struggling teens. That's why it's always a good idea to visit the juvenile delinquents and help them learn from your ex-con days and your criminal experiences... even if you don't have any.

## Transcript

Matt: This doesn't look like the "Reading to Kittens" service project.
Adam: Hey, excuse me, excuse me, sir. Where are we?
Jason: This is the Scared Straight Program...
Adam: Oh.
Jason: ...where ex-convicts share their experiences with troubled youths.
Adam: Um.
Matt: I told you we got on the wrong bus.
Jason: Now get out there and do what you're here to do.
Adam: Um sir, I don't think you understand. No, sir?
Matt: Sir! Your clock...! Okay.

Adam: He just locked us in here with a bunch of ex-cons and troubled teens.
Matt: It's junior high all over again.
Adam: Just act tough so we can get out of here. There.

Jeremy: All right, listen up! My name is Diesel Jones. I was incarcerated for 25 years for multiple counts of manslaughter.
Stacey: My name is Blaze Williams. I served for 17 years in prison for running one of the toughest gangs in New York.
Matt: I... uh... I am Matthew Ryan Meese, and, uh, I don't mean to brag, but I have illegally downloaded several Enya albums. Word to your mother.
Adam: And I'm... Adam Berg, and I did 50 years in prison for murdering a village. And this glass eye is a glass eye, 'cause the real one got bitten out by a snitch.
Jeremy: Wait, wait. A snitch bit your eye out?
Adam: Yeah, for snitchin'.
Matt: We're really good at this. We're going to change some lives.

Stacey: Listen up. Y'all think you know prison is like? Juvenile detention is nothing like prison! Prison is hard.
Matt: Yeah, prison is hard... I'm assuming. It does not have your favorite things, like Jamba juice, or pinkberry, or any other smoothie or frozen yogurt locations.
Adam: And all it takes is one little village, and suddenly you're doing fifty in the clinkety-clink.
James: The what?
Adam: Prison, fool!
Matt: You think your perfect ACT scores will protect you in jail, you goober? I don't know. I legitimitely do not know.

Adam: I once got so mad, I slapped a man's face off. His eyes and lips flew right off. Yeah. I don't think you understand. He still had a nose and eyebrows, but no eyes and lips.
Matt: Yeah.
Adam: Let me clarify it! His lips were in the kitchen and his eyes were in the library reading *Anna Karenina*!
James: Is that even possible?
Adam: Oh, sass me again and we're going to find out!

Jeremy: All right, any questions?
James: Um, so, like, what helped you do better?
Jeremy: Well, I had to work very hard to avoid gang members and the lifestyle.
Matt: I... I listened to Enya's albums every day. "Echoes in the Rain", "Trains and Winter Rains", "A Day Without Rain", "It's in the Rain" change my life. Boom! Put that in your mindskulls.
Adam: And I woke up one day, and I realized I did not want to raise my glass eye in this environment. So I got up the next day and walked out.
Stacey: Woah, woah, woah, woah. You should be in prison for multiple life sentences. How did you just walk out?
Adam: Ain't nobody going to stop old "Glass-Eye" Berg.
Jeremy: Wasn't it the other eye?
Stacey: Yeah.

Adam: Don't make me slap your face off!
Jason: You two! You two are out of here!
Matt: Remember what we said, you stinkers!
Adam: And in case you ever forget, just think of this.
James: That's a jawbreaker.
Adam: My eye is a jawbreaker!
Jason: Get out, get out.
Matt: We're a cautionary tale.

Stacey: Okay, listen, listen. I have been in prison for a long time, and I have never met people like that. That's fake.
**African villager:** Hey, I'm looking for a man who killed my village.
Stacey: I think you... he's out there.
**African villager:** Here I come, Jawbreaker Eye.