Dom and Bern: Driver's License

**Dom and Bern: Driver's License** is the seventh episode of the Punch Time Exploders Shorts.

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## Plot

During the events of Punch Time Exploders and the SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, the United Universal Police Department has discovered that Bernadette has been operating various vehicles without a driver's license, as her Greylands-issue driver's license had expired.

## Script

(In the Prophet's palace...)

Dominator: (She's watching Bernadette pace worriedly) Bern, I can tell you're nervous, but it's just a driving test.

Bernadette: Dom, you heard what Axel said. He'll give my car back after I pass the test, but the UUDMV only has a month left of testing. If I don't pass, I'll face either a year of driving classes or two years of jailtime, and every moment counts in this war!

???: Oh, I wouldn't worry. (The two girls look around)

Bernadette: Who said that?

???: Over here. (The two see SpongeBob entering the room)

Dominator: What are you doing here?

SpongeBob: I've been thinking about what Axel said. If you recall, I don't have a license, either.

Bernadette: Well, you seemed to handle the Patty Wagon just fine.

SpongeBob: But I failed my driving test over a million times. Maybe more. I know all the answers, until I get behind the wheel. I figured that if I knew how to drive a land car, I'd be better at driving a boat.

Dominator: Listen, tiger, our cars aren't like your silly little toy boats. If your reputation for driving is as bad as you say, you don't have what it takes to--

Bernadette: Dominator! Just give this guy a chance. Mindy did.

Dominator: Well... All right. But don't say I didn't warn him.

Bernadette: Virgil! When will we arrive at the UUDMV? (a holographic screen opens up, revealing a different version of Earth)

(At the UUDMV)

Bernadette: There it is, guys. The United Universal Department of Motor Vehicles, stationed in, I found out here, Volcano Island New York City.

Dominator: Why would they call this entire world Volcano Island?

Bernadette: Apparently, there's a legendary island nestled near a volcano where an ancient tribe banished their Darkspawn enemy. So great was their battle that they named this entire world after their home. Legend has it, that same Darkspawn will escape, and nine chosen warriors will arise to banish him once again.

SpongeBob: Wow... I'd sure like to visit that island one day.

Dominator: I, for one, have lots of faith in you.

(Inside the DMV, people were heard chatting until the trio entered, causing everyone to be concerned upon seeing SpongeBob)

Bernadette: (The trio walk up to the reception desk) My friends and I are here to enroll for a driver's test.

Receptionist: Are you trying to get us all killed? Don't you realize that guy is the failure of Mrs. Puff's Boating School? He's failed the test at least--

Dominator: A million times? Yeah, we know. Now let's do this.

(Later...)

Bernadette: Hey, Dom! SpongeBob and I passed the written test!

SpongeBob: of course.

Dominator: See? What were you so nervous about?

SpongeBob: How'd you guys do on the eye exam?

Dominator: I narrowly passed. Ran into a little trouble with a guy who thought my sclera color was unnatural, but otherwise no problem.

Bernadette: And now for the tricky part; applying our knowledge to practical use.

SpongeBob: Oh no, that IS the tricky part. That's where I always have trouble.

Dominator: Well, sucks for you, Spongey.

Bernadette: I have an idea. We'll most likely be using the same car, so Dominator and I will go first to allow you to watch us in action and calm your nerves. Then, you can try it on your own. Does that sound good to you?

SpongeBob: As long as these pants are square, and this Sponge is Bob, I won't let you down!

Dominator: We'll just see about that.

???: Willows, Bernadette, party of three. (a female driving instructor enters the scene)

Bernadette: Right here.

(In the parking lot)

Driving Instructor: So, who wants to go first?

Dominator: I'll do it. (She hops into the driver's seat)

Driving Instructor: Don't jump into the seat! This isn't a college party. (Everyone else gets in)

Dominator: Okay, seatbelts, engine start... (she starts the engine)

Driving Instructor: Okay, if you'll just take a left...

Dominator: Oh, I'll give you more than a left. (She drives off wildly as most of the drive consists of this)

(Dominator pulls back into the DMV)

Dominator: Did I pass?

Driving Instructor: Well... despite the wild ride, you seemed to know what you were doing.

Dominator: Thanks.

Driving Instructor: But, I'm afraid I can't pass you just yet.

Dominator: Why not?!

Driving Instructor: Well... you ran two stop signs...

Dominator: I just didn't see them coming!

Driving Instructor: Drove on the sidewalk...

Dominator: I went too late into the turn, that's all.

Driving Instructor: Went too slow into a residential area...

Dominator: You know how neighbors can be sticklers for the road.

Driving Instructor: Rear-ended an ambulance...

Dominator: That was an accident on my part.

Driving Instructor: Hmm... did I forget anything?

Bernadette: She also threatened to run over a crossing guard.

Dominator: Hey, those kids made it to the other lane!

Driving Instructor: Look, Dominator, you look like a nice girl. Not the best driver, though. Ms. Willows will go next, and if Mr. Squarepants is as bad as they say he is, then we'll see. (Dominator and Bernadette switch seats)

Bernadette: Dom, where did you learn to drive?

Dominator: One of my sisters used to be a street racer.

Bernadette: That would explain a lot.

(Later...)

Driving Instructor: Well, Bernadette, you passed with flying colors. Let me just get a bit of fresh air, then we'll be ready for SpongeBob's test. (Leaves the car)

Bernadette: Well, that was easy. (gets out of the seat) Okay, SpongeBob, you're up.

SpongeBob: Me?

Bernadette: yeah. You wanted your license, didn't you?

SpongeBob: I know, but... do you think I'll do okay, Bernadette?

Bernadette: Well, if you learn from my example, I'm sure you'll do just fine. (They switch seats as the driving instructor returns wearing a suit of armor)

Driving Instructor: Ready! (She enters the passenger seat) So, the engine's running, seatbelts are fastened... now, Mr. Squarepants, what's the first thing you do to make a turn?

SpongeBob: I, buh-I, I-duh, FLOOR IT?!

Dominator: I'm no time lord, but I can guess what's gonna happen next.

Driving Instructor: I brought this on myself. (SpongeBob causes a massive collision and pileup that destroys the UUDMV building)

Bernadette: You drove the Patty Wagon so expertly... why do you betray me like this?

SpongeBob: So, did I pass?

Driving Instructor: No... but your friends did.

Dominator: Friends? Does this mean...

(Snap cut to Dominator with a driver's license)

Dominator: I'M STREET LEGAL! YEAH!

Bernadette; Only by a technicality! And don't gloat in front of SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: It's okay... when it comes to driving, I'm used to it. But it did help me realize that Mrs. Puff is the only driving teacher for me. Besides, the driving lady decided to drop the charges against me, if I do her a favor.

Dominator: And what's that?

SpongeBob: A year of driving lessons!

Bernadette: Oh-kay... now to pick up my car and be on our way.

Dominator: (Pauses) I literally have no choice but to act as a puppet and close on this line...

Dominator: Scroopfan, God damn it.

## Trivia

* This short is another version of the Chronicle entitled Dom and Bern: Motor Madness. This is also the first non-canon short.
	+ The Chronicle was also supposed to introduce the United Universal Police Department, as well as Sam and Max, the latter of whom Bernadette will meet properly in a later moisode.
* Even though Superwritermaniac made changes to the original Chronicle post-production, the short remains untouched.