Episode 325 - A Shattered Illusion

It seems like many somethings are not quite the something that they originally seemed to seem. We knew that we most likely were not on some sort of nice beach but I think we underestimated how treacherous this bank holiday could be. What’s worse is that it is possible we are being used to further some other entities goals unbeknownst to us! Well, our quest is still an honorable one so we must press on.

## **Story**

### Long Story

Having just defeated Grinky Grongus, Skud, Rowan, and Lahni decide that they should probably help out Bercy Hamhands, now he of the one leg. Somehow, the decision is made to cut open the beast and find the leg that it ate. This happens, but, unfortunately, but not unpredictably, the leg is mostly digested. So that's a no go. Kate Aurochs brings Toby out of their sex room, and sees the damage done. The party tenses up for a fight, until Ser Roses of the River drops in (literally), and throws her green key card at their feet. She offers a warning to them to get inside quickly, because, as both vampires say in unison, looking to the sky, "Zato is coming." The two then change into their draconic form and fly off. If that weren't weird enough, they seem to break through a kind of invisible barrier in the sky, revealing a blood red sky behind it. At the same time, an alarm begins to blare, and the ground begins a-rumblin'.

All of this is too spooky for our heroes, who begin to run to the bank, where they know Lord Gorgos's office to be. Gorgos has the final key card they need. As they approach the bank, they notice that it starts to rise up, out of the ground, growing taller and taller. Also, it previously was surrounded by a marble vernier, but now that marble begins to crack, revealing metal underneath. AND, a head emerges at the top. In fact, the entire bank seems to be transforming into a giant version of one of those Robo-Guards! Oh no! Frank Ubell shows up, and everyone discusses what to do. They need to get inside the robot somehow, because it's torso area is the bank. Fortunately for them (but unfortunately for me), the best entrance seems to be the weirdly anatomically correct asshole of the robot giant. There is a door keeping it shut, however, so, they do a skill challenge to get in there.

Rowan leaps into the air, using 2 shortswords to begin climbing, while Skud makes a bone ladder using his two remaining skeletons. Lahni grabs Toby and leaps up onto the legs of this thing, while the gnome uses levitate to bring himself even higher. There are more shenanigans, involving Rowan getting wrapped up in some vines and dangling, Lahni swinging over, Tarzan-style to grab her, and Skud grabbing some ass pimples to do some rock climbing. So that's fun. Finally, Toby is able to bring himself up to a sort of control panel, and hacks into it. The door opens, but this results in a torrent of... waste... descending on our heroes, and covering them in what I desperate hope is motor oil. At that moment, the party can see Zato appearing, flying toward them in the form of a giant, red dragon. Lahni, somehow, is able to leap through the air, kicking all of her friends up and into the robot's asshole. And that's the episode. Christ.

### Short

Ser Roses of the River gives them her key card and, with Kate Aurochs, warn the party that Zato is coming. They fly off, revealing that they are all encased in some giant dome of some kind. Maybe an illusion? Anyway, the bank rises up from the ground, transforming into a giant robot, which the party spends a long time trying to climb up into the ass of. Eventually they do, as Zato flies toward them.

## **Trivia**

* Toby takes some of Kate's socks, to remember her by

## **In This Episode...**

### **Cast and Player Characters**

* Michael DiMauro - *Dungeon Master*
* Tim Lanning - Toby Treacletart
* Jennifer Cheek - Rowan Grey
* Mike Bachmann - Skud Derringer
* Nika Howard - Lahnik "Lahni" Caplain

### **Non-Player Characters**

* Kate Aurochs
* Ser Roses of the River
* Bercy Hamhands
* Frank Ubell
* Zato

### **Locations**

* The Nine Hells
	+ Ferrim Pecunia

### **Quest Log Updates**

* [On-Hold] - Stop Tiamat!
* [Active] - Destroy The Orb!
	+ [On-Hold] - Find the first missing piece
		- [On-Hold] - Investigate the City of Brass
			* [On-Hold] - Go to The Elemental Plane of Fire
	+ [Active] - Find the second missing piece
		- [Active] - Investigate the Ferrim Pecunia of the Nine Hells
			* [Active] - Break into the Lower Vault
				+ [Active] - Find the five Key Cards
					- [Active] - Get the White Key Card from Lord Gorgos
					- ~~[Complete] - Get the Green Key Card from Ser Roses of the River~~
	+ [On-Hold] - Find the third missing piece
		- [On-Hold] - Investigate the final location
* [On-Hold] - Find Adira Harper
* [Backburner] - Find Lannie Caplain
	+ [On-Hold] - Investigate Galanthis
* [Active] - Find a way to pay back the Ferrim Pecunia bank of Pelor's Hope
* [Active][Jaeludra] - Investigate the Great Colosseum in Caer
* [Active][Jaeludra] - Investigate the Oracle's strange prophecies
* [Active][Jaeludra + Steve] - Save Deephome from The Army of Tiamat

### **Quotes**

**"Is a dragon's penis the size of a human leg? Or an orc leg?"** ~ *Bachmann*

## **Rolls**

* **Recap**
	+ Tim - 17
	+ Jennifer - Nat20 - Bapped
	+ Nika - 9
	+ **Bachmann - 15**