Slarpy

Slarpy, also known as Slarth Scabius, or the Chance is a Class A Bottom Feeder that is most fiendish and foul. Borne of a decomposed whale carcass that landed on a thermal vent near the original Mountain Doo Factory (Club Mexico), he is an obscene level threat to all of the hydrosphere. Conceived of evil and in sludge, he subsists off of Industrial Sludge found near illicit substances such as Mayo Code Red and Mountain Doo. He is the biggest customer of Mario Salarmo's products, though what he does with such toxic and dangerous substances is unknown. His title of Slarth is not bestowed upon him by Lorby, but it is a nickname given to him by Slarth Hideous and Slarth Piteous (Dr.Phil and Mikhail Zeegurke) after the destruction of Mountain Doo operation; Slarpy has the only vagrant bottle of Doo outside the Museum of Doo and as such is a dangerous organism and is thus hunted by Lorby.

### Abiogenesis

Slarpy hath no parents. His creation is not fully understood even after a quarter century of study by the most esteemed gay albino scientists. The current belief is that he was borne from inanimate sludge and pollutants that was the output of the first Mtn Doo Factory, Club Mexico. This is based on study of his excrement, which the gay albino scientists chemically *anal*yzed. The chemicals that were found in every sample, regardless of diet, Didewdium Monstroside and Rebellium (also known as Johnny-3), are artificial compounds manufactured in the trench district of the criminal underworld and frequently used by Mario Salarmo, may he be spat upon. Club Mexico was Salarmo's, may he be spat upon, sloppiest and least organized factory as it had originated as a mere meth lab, and thus polluted these chemicals far more than his future recreations.

Due to Slarpy's mysterious origin from the abyss, his unobserved activity in his early years is largely unknown. It is unknown how old he is, as are most other personal details.

#### Krabz vs Muzik

Slarpy always had a passion for music; this is likely due to the Rebellium innate to him. He went forth and made vocal covers of linkin park and limp bizkit songs, where he raspily screamed the lyrics over the background music. However, though Slarpy attempted to learn instruments, his physical form, such as his sliminess and lack of shoulders, as well as his subhuman mental faculties prevented him from successfully doing so. However, Slarpy is unaware of his inability, as evident by his frequent proclamations, and he believes that he is a master bard. Though Slarpy was prime A1 Garbâj, he expected fame and fortune. He called upon, prayed, and contacted the lawyers of Dr.Phil, the most famed businessman and television personality. However, the lack of response lead to Slarpy declaring in a livestream on LorbyTV that "You're a piece of white trash. I demand payment NOW! NOW NOW NOW NOW! Fuck you, Fuck your whole family, and fuck Lorby." Dr.Phil, not taking this disrespect, slithered to the dank cave upon which Slarpy then resided with his claws out and performed the secret Jew-Jitsu Technique upon Slarpy known as "The Invertebrate." This technique shattered every vertebrate in Slarpy's Spine. Slarpy was declared "Finished" by Dr.Phil, who then coated him in his putrid yellow mayo for daring to disrespect Lorby. He then waddled away, waddle waddle. Slarpy realized his music was neither powerful enough to resist Dr.Phil nor great enough to call forth Fame and Fortune. After recovering from his metaphysical injuries (Slarpy's spine remains shattered, but his sludge-like nature allows his decentralized nervous system to work around it) he ventured to the Hood.

### Adventure Crime

Slarpy began his trek into the Hood. Without his spine, it took him twice as long. His journey through the seabed thus took a total of four cycles. His pale complexion, resulting from his birth from sludge, made him stand out in the hood, if his hideous and deformed stature and lack of spine had not. However, the locals pitied the fool, who allowed him to stay and advertise his musical ability to passerby’s. Some laughed, which Slarpy interpreted as people enjoying and liking his music. However, no record label would sign him. After a while, this enraged him. One day, an individual known as Chris Brown mocked his music. This enraged Slarpy something foul, who stripped naked and tried to fight Chris Brown. Chris Brown swept Slarpy's legs and knocked his already shattered spine sideways, inducing upon Slarpy the condition of "Triple Super Scoliosis", which continues to plague Slarpy to this day. Then, Chris Brown prayed to the heavens, asking "Oh Lordy, why must the cracker cry?" before curbstomping Slarpy. Slarpy remained unconscious on the ground for a week, before the inhabitants took his sorry ass to the river that ran between the Hood and Zululand. The pollutants within that most filthy river catalyzed Slarpy's recovery, as those conditions were similar to that of the Club Mexico Wastes. He awoke and slithered out of the river onto the Zuluside. Unbeknownst to him, Zululand was in crisis as every Witch Doctor and important official was in the Capital attempting to banish the Great Zulu Warrior. Slarpy went forth into the Zululand, entering the capital on a sludgequest. Upon entering, a group of invisible spirits and demons, attracted to the impurity of his heart and disgustingness of his physical form, infested Slarpy's scalp, thus saving the Great Zulu Warrior. This was the birth of Slarth Scabius.

### Slarth Scabius

Slarpy had enough. His music career had gone no where. He faced three debilitating events that broke him physically and metaphorically. He wandered the land, broken and deformed. He adopted the name of Slarth Scabius, as the spirits who infested him lived within scabs in his head on which they formed. They were unpleasant and painful, thus fueling his wrath. He eventually found Club Mexico and recognized it as the place of his birth. He ran into the building just in time to run into Mario Salarmo, may he be spat upon. Mario Salarmo, may he be spat upon, along with the Ayrabs who worked there, believed that Slarpy was the weetawded son of The Holy Lord of Dankness, and gave him a 6 pack of Mountain Doo. Slarpy, drinking one, exclaimed his joy, and begged Mario Salarmo, may he be sludged upon, to help him take revenge upon the Hydrosphere. As Salarmo, may he be spat upon, was already in Faze 2 of his plan to erect an army of Ginger Headed Fucks to wreak great destruction, he decided to incorporate Slarpy into his plan. Slarpy was given an additional pack of Mountain Doo which contained cyanide and bleach, and told Slarpy that it was a gift. Salarmo, may he be spat upon, knew that Slarpy would not drink it, as he told Slarpy that the liquids he was transporting was a back up for an experiment to extract Rebellium into a liquid. Slarpy, believing that his innate Rebellium content gave him his alleged music ability, he would become more powerful. If only he had trained.

With Slarpy in his Pocket, Salarmo, may he be spat upon, left Slarpy in the care of the Ayrabs as he continued his plan. However, Slarpy left as soon as he smelled Dr.Phil's presence approaching Club Mexico. As he had an intimate experience with the Good Doctor beforehand, Slarpy rapidly left he premises with the Mountain Doo. Unbeknownst to him, Dr.Phil had already applied the Claw to that filthy Chico. Slarpy hid in the only safe place he know of, Salarmo's shack. However, Dr.Phil's rival and fellow Lorbite Mikhail Zeegurke, burned the shack down. Slarpy managed to escape with the Doo. As both Dr.Phil and Zeegurke had failed to eradicate Slarpy for disrespecting him twice (seeking to damage the hydrosphere is defined as metaphysical littering in Section 2.a1 in the Lorby Law Code), Slarpy decided to pursue Slarpy himself.
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