Episode 69: Swarm Army

**Video:**
1:00:08

**Video:**
2021-10-26 14-16-03.mp4

https://globehell.libsyn.com/

## Episode Summary

We've heard all about drones (and I'm not talking Bees hahaha) in the army but even if they save pilots lives they are made of metal and plastic so global warming. But what if we could organically gush out our own little army of cream tadpoles to swarm our enemies...?

## Idea Details

* Idea: Sperm Swarm, Swarm Army
* Creator of idea: Josiah
* Purpose of idea: So then, in that case, let's just get into the episode, because there's a lot to get to and the first thing I wanna talk to you about is that uh we are at uh -- we're at war in this world. (Drew: "Well of course. There's a war on drugs right now.") There's a war on drugs, there's a war on terror, there's a war on peace, and there's a Warren Peace, uh Warren Buffett, -- (Drew: "Warren Buffett.") Warren Kinsella. There's all kinds of warrin' -- (Drew: "You know, one -- yeah, Warren Kinsella.") There's all kinds of warrin' goin' on and not a lot of peacin'! (Drew: "Mhm.") And that's just the facts! (Drew: "Mhm.") So you gotta just -- and that's -- you know, they said something about you need to know the facts, well here's the facts: we are at war. And the war is not gonna go anywhere, and if anything the war is gonna get worse if it's gonna be a war between left and right, and I ain't talkin' about uh who's handend. I'm talking about the politics of left-han-- uh left -- if you're left-handed politically. You're gonna be at war, hand-to-hand combat, left versus right. (Drew: "I believe that within the next 6 months, we're gonna see all-out war throughout North America and the world. Uh it'll be left versus right, it won't be in terms of countries anymore, it'll be left versus right, you're gonna have to choose whether you're leftist or whether you're rightist. Simple as that!") And it's time -- the -- exactly! The line in the sand has been drawn and the weapons will also be drawn. But here's an issue with uh war and with actually everything -- uh, uhh, what's the other -- what's the other thing other than war? (Drew: "Peace.") Capitalis-- uh work! War and work uh -- workers, there's not enough workers. There's not enough warrers *or* workers. There's not enough. So I just wanna talk about that real quick is that there's a shortage of people. The capacity to produce more. I want you to remember that: producing more. OK? That's something we're gonna remember. (Drew: "OK. Well I don't wanna say I support this, necessarily, but the easiest -- if you have a -- if you can't staff an army, then you need to have a draft!") Well that's what you -- that's one of the ways of the past that people thought about, so we should have a draft, uh and I think that's how the website DraftKings was started, and uh it's all about drafting and -- but I'm saying when it comes to the draft, it's time to close the shutters and not let that draft in and have no more airflow, because I wanna talk to you about the idea of a swarm! OK? (Drew: "OK.") Drone swarm! (Drew: "OK. So what exactly is a drone swarm?") So there's a -- it's a bunch of swar-- a swarm means a lot, uh, -- (Drew: "Uh huh.") -- a blast of lots of things flyi-- a swarm! (Drew: "Mhm.") Now here's one problem about these drone swarms. I mean, now, you think that it's a perfect idea. There's one major issue that I see, is that you're using so many plastics and fuel and -- (Drew: "That's true.") -- so much non-renewable energies to create these dro-- uh drone swarms. (Drew: "Mhm.") So then it got me thinking: what about other -- what are some -- you know, I mean, this -- this does, otherwise, it works! The -- you shoot the plane up, and then the swarms uh sort of burst out and shoot everywhere, blast a swarm to where you wanna go, and it fires the missile. (Drew: "Oh wow! That swarm works good!") It's a perfect solution, it's just the envir-- even that explosion -- (Drew: "It's a perfect swarm!") Even that explosion is probably so much CO2 uh being released. (Drew: "That's true.") So it's kind of -- and then it got me thinking: what are some kinds of organic uh swarms that exist? A swarm of bees or something. (Drew: "I know of a -- bees uh a swarm.") Well, are you gonna say something nasty? (Drew: "No! No, I'm not. I'd like to show it to you. I'll show it to you after.") So you kinda see what I'm saying? (Drew: "Yeah.") There's ways to create swarms -- (Drew: "I see.") -- organically. (Drew: "Oh my gosh!") There's all these bees swarming this Ford Taurus eight years ago, um -- (Drew: "Oh, he's just grabbin' the bees with his hand! And throwing 'em in a box.") Yeah, you can control the swar-- that's what I'm trying to say is you can create a swarm. So what if there was something that we could each of us organically create? We didn't need any tools, we didn't need a truck with a box in it or a bee knife, we didn't need -- what if each of us was able to create our own swarm that we could use in, kind of, a war scenario? (Drew: "OK.") I mean, do you know what this is a picture of? (Drew: "That's the penis. The penis and the balls.") Yeah! This is what I'm trying to say, this is my point I'm trying to make is that they are indeed alive. And you thought that maybe they are not -- some people say life begins, you know, once the baby's born, but there is *some* form of life in a sper-- a sper-- this robot is saying -- see it's a indepen-- sperm -- (Drew: "Mhm. OK. So it dries up too fast.") So we're gonna have to figure something out with that, but -- (Drew: "Well, freeze it!") I mean, we're not really trying to figure out if it -- a sperm is a life or not, we're trying to figure out if it's -- if you could make a -- (Drew: "If you can use it for war. A weapon.") -- you could create a -- basically a Sperm Swarm could be your own personal army. Uh like the bees on the car, you could create a Sperm S-- uh Swarm. Do you kinda understand what I'm saying? (Drew: "You can leave a swarm of sperm on your enemy's car?")
* Timetable: No timetable was given for Sperm Swarm, aka Swarm Army. Presumably, it will be implemented as soon as Sperm can be trained in warfare and sent down the unused pipelines after electric vehicles are fully implemented worldwide.
* Idea details:
	+ There are 200 million Sperm and we're usually trying to send them into the vagina or into a tissue or onto a printout of someone. Instead of doing that, we can create millions of Sperm and they are a Sperm Swarm that can be trained to fight in a battle.
	+ Vaginal fluid can be used to kill the Sperm Swarm.
	+ After the Sperm is created, they will be made into some sort of weaponized drone so that each of us will be able to blast out a personal army to use in the Great War. They will be able to Swarm and will be trained in order to kill or even to help or do aid by delivering goods and necessities to underserved communities, as well as mutual masturbation.
	+ The Sperm Swarm is not sexual. It may involve jacking off, but the inherent point of the Sperm Swarm is that within each of us is a cluster drone Swarm that could be used to attack our enemies and Swarm.
	+ The Sperm will be trained like fish, which is a natural comparison since Sperm are so similar to fish. This will allow them to be trained to do things like kill a terrorist by jamming itself into the brain through their temple, or deliver clean water to a remote population. And if each Sperm is given a mission, then that's millions of missions for each emission.
	+ Some of the other tasks that Sperm will be trained to do include being able to kill terrorists, build bridges, build homes, Habitat for Humanity, do charity work like Make-A-Wish.
	+ Some Sperm training options include via DNA-based propaganda getting injected into people's scrotum so that their Sperm read it and receive the training, or adjusting the temperature to make the Sperm susceptible to the training.
	+ Sperm will want to help once we learn to communicate with them. So once they are trained and we get the impression that the Sperm society is welcome to working with our society, it only becomes an issue of figuring out how to retrieve the Sperm in a way that will be helpful.
	+ Once we switch to electric vehicles entirely, we will no longer need our oil pipelines. However, we will keep the oil pipelines in place and everyone will cum into the pipelines so that the already-trained Sperm Swarm will get sent to wherever it needs to go. The pipelines may be fleshy inside and warm like a womb to better accommodate the Sperm.
	+ One of the trainings that Sperm will receive will be on how to remain in the air longer so they don't dry up too fast.
	+ We will take pubes to make little hats and vests for our Sperm.
	+ People will sleep with a 24/7 news feed going on so you're sleeping surrounded by war reports, terrorist updates, and briefs. By sleeping in a chamber surrounded by these things, any nocturnal emissions (or wet dreams) you have during this time will be from Sperm who are trained and already know that it's their time to come out into the world to start completing missions.
	+ A Sperm Swarm can be positioned on a fence keeping guard in war-torn countries.
	+ We will not need trucks anymore.
	+ Mountain Dew will kill all of your Sperm if you drink it before having sex.
	+ Before going to battle in a tropical environment, everyone will eat a lot of pineapple to get the Sperm Swarm ready.
	+ If someone has a lot of trained Sperm on their hand, you could flick it onto an enemy and it would attack.
	+ Sperm Swarm will bring peace to the world.
	+ The song in the video called "swarm army" will be the theme song of Sperm Swarm, which also became known as Swarm Army as of this video.
	+ We will need to be careful with contraception because they will kill Swarm Army easily.

## Devil Play

* There was no devil play in this episode.

## Notable Events

* Gobe Hell
* Drew revealed that he feels like a ghost because when he went to the grocery store, everyone ignored him except for the times they were scared of him.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "10 Things that ANNOY Podcast Listeners" about the Top 10 Things that ANNOY podcast listeners. They graded themselves out of 10 on how many of the things they do, hoping for a score of 0. The 10 things were as follows:
	+ Bad audio (No editing)
		- Josiah and Drew didn't think they had bad audio.
		- SCORE: 0/1
	+ Going off topic
		- Josiah and Drew don't do this.
		- SCORE: 0/2
	+ ADs
		- Josiah and Drew don't really have ads except for that one time they were sponsored by that European pharmacy website.
		- SCORE: 0/3
	+ Pushing Patreon and reading 5 star reviews
		- Josiah and Drew never read 5 star reviews. They also very often forget to even mention the Patreon.
		- SCORE: 0/4
	+ Self-deprecating comments
		- Josiah and Drew don't do this, as they elect to deprecate each other rather than belittle themselves, other than the time that they were little themselves.
			* Note: Josiah and Drew were little at the beginning of Episode 50: The Fervorists, but it is unclear if Josiah's reference was about that episode or about the time they traveled back in time to when they were little kids in Episode 33: Back to Basics.
		- SCORE: 0/5
	+ Inside jokes
		- Josiah and Drew don't have inside jokes so they made fun of this one.
		- SCORE: 0/6
	+ When hosts talk over each other
		- Josiah and Drew do this but the people complaining about this are a bunch of Karens.
		- SCORE: 0/7
	+ Sounding scripted
		- Josiah and Drew revealed that all Globe Hell episodes are scripted. However, they don't sound scripted.
		- SCORE: 0/8
	+ Sneezing, coughing, eating, drinking, mouse-clicking
		- Josiah and Drew don't do this, other than when they burp or drink sometimes.
		- SCORE: 0/9
	+ Too many opinions, not enough facts
		- Josiah and Drew don't do this.
		- SCORE: 0/10
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "US military shortages explained" about what’s going on with the recruitment shortages in the Air Force and Army and what is being done to remedy the problems.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "U.S. Army Announced New Drone Swarm Would Be A Weapon Of Mass Destruction" about how 'Weapon of Mass Destruction' is a term used in arms-control circles signifying something capable of damage on a large scale and subject to international treaties.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "MEGA SWARM vs ARMIES - Animal Revolt Battle Simulator" about Animal Revolt Battle Simulator gameplay. Josiah revealed that he spent $100,000 to have this simulation made.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "WORLD RECORD 26t Gummy Star! 140t Boost | Bee Swarm Simulator" about how swarms can work.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Huge Honey Bee Swarm On Young Lady's Vehicle" about how eight years previously from when this video was produced they uploaded a video titled 'Huge Honey Bee Swarm On Dude's Vehicle'.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "MALE REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM SPERM SCIENCE | वीर्य वेग कभी ना रोके!" about how sperm is the male reproductive cell, or gamete, in anisogamous forms of sexual reproduction (forms in which there is a larger, "female" reproductive cell and a smaller, "male" one).
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "IS SPERM A LIVING ORGANISM ?" about sperm & egg fertilization, sperm living outside the body, the current definition of life, are viruses living or nonliving.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Sperm - The Difficult Journey Of The Sperm" about the journey of how sperm meets an egg to fertilize and give rise to a new human being.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Human Physiology - Functional Anatomy of the Male Reproductive System (Updated)" about how “Human Physiology” is a free online course on Janux that is open to anyone.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Teaching my Fish How to Play Basketball | Fish Tricks #1 🏀" about how today is the start of a new series.. fish tricks!
* Josiah and Drew briefly rewatched ""MALE REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM SPERM SCIENCE | वीर्य वेग कभी ना रोके!".
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Human sperm under a microscope with 400x zoom" about ludzkie plemniki pod mikroskopem z 400-krotnym powiększeniem.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "10 Fish Tricks All At Once (No Editing!)" about uncut video of Star doing 10 different tricks.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Sperm Retrieval Techniques" about sperm retrieval procedures.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "How to manage leakage of ejaculatory fluid? - Dr. Ravish I R" about how leakage of ejaculatory fluid in the night time is very common in unmarried people or in people who have long time no sexual intercourses.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Crazy Bee Man Handles A Swarm Of Bees Barehanded!" about nice sized swarm of honey bees on a chain link fence in New Orleans, May of 2015.
* Josiah and Drew listened to a song in a video called "swarm army" which is the theme song of Sperm Swarm.
* Josiah and Drew rewatched "MEGA SWARM vs ARMIES - Animal Revolt Battle Simulator".
* Josiah and Drew debated whether this week's idea is the best one or whether the best one was one of Drew's ideas.

## Notable Quotes

### Josiah

* "Are you ready? Set? Globe! Ready, set, globe! Get it?"
* "Globe Hell. Let's talk. Globe Hell let's talk about mental health."
* "Tummy ache is not mental health issue, I don't think."
* [On the topic of 'apt' being an abbreviated version of 'apartment'] "Landlords love the 'apt' store."
* "Ooh, I just accidentally uh hurt the tip of my dinky while I was sitting! Oh, did I say that out loud? That's embarrassing! We'll edit that out later. We'll edit that part -- hey, uh, producer, let's edit."
* "If there are people actually listening to this, that's their problem."
* [On the topic of podcast hosts and their guests rambling about what they're up to at the start of podcast episodes] "Well, we don't really have guests, so that's not really a problem."
	+ Note: It is unclear what Josiah meant by this, as Globe Hell Warning frequently has guest appearances, most recently on the Patreon episode Toilet Tapes with Miles, Alex, and Owen.
* "We're at war in this world. There's a war on drugs, there's a war on terror, there's a war on peace, and there's a Warren Peace, uh Warren Buffett, Warren Kinsella. There's all kinds of warrin' -- there's all kinds of warrin' goin' on and not a lot of peacin'! And that's just the facts! So you gotta just -- and that's -- you know, they said something about you need to know the facts, well here's the facts: we are at war. And the war is not gonna go anywhere, and if anything the war is gonna get worse if it's gonna be a war between left and right, and I ain't talkin' about uh who's handend. I'm talking about the politics of left-han-- uh left -- if you're left-handed politically. You're gonna be at war, hand-to-hand combat, left versus right."
* "The line in the sand has been drawn and the weapons will also be drawn. But here's an issue with uh war and with actually everything -- uh, uhh, what's the other -- what's the other thing other than war? Capitalis-- uh work! War and work uh -- workers, there's not enough workers. There's not enough warrers *or* workers. There's not enough. So I just wanna talk about that real quick is that there's a shortage of people."
* "It's moving too quickly for me to read but uh smallest number of dut-- of doody. Smallest number of doodies."
* [On the topic of the Secretary of the Air Force being interviewed] "Well they should've probably gotten one of -- not just the front desk. She's -- shouldn't she be answering the phones?"
* "Drone swarm! So there's a -- it's a bunch of swar-- a swarm means a lot, uh, -- a blast of lots of things flyi-- a swarm!"
* [On the topic of what a queen bee looks like] "She probably has uh boobs."
* [On the topic of what a queen bee looks like] "You look for the one with uh bright red lipstick and stilettos."
* "So what if there was something that we could each of us organically create? We didn't need any tools, we didn't need a truck with a box in it or a bee knife, we didn't need -- what if each of us was able to create our own swarm that we could use in, kind of, a war scenario?"
* "I mean, we're not really trying to figure out if it -- a sperm is a life or not, we're trying to figure out if it's -- if you could make a -- you could create a -- basically a Sperm Swarm could be your own personal army. Uh like the bees on the car, you could create a Sperm S-- uh Swarm. Do you kinda understand what I'm saying?"
* "My point is that we create millions of these things and they are a Swarm and we could train to kind of uh fight in a battle for us and sort of navigate tough -- if we could create the Sperm and make them into some sort of weaponized drone, each of us would be able to blast out a uh personal army to use in the Great War uh and they could Swarm and be trained in order to kill or even to maybe -- you know, sometimes soldiers also help, they uh do aid. They deliver goods and uh necessities to com-- to underserv-- yeah, mutual masturbation, exactly! So we could do stuff like that uh to figure out how to blast the Sperm. I mean, do you understand what I'm kinda getting at here?"
* "So if you can teach guppies then you can teach cummies, is what *I* think."
* "Well what do we want them to do? What -- I'm talking about that there's a work -- there's a labor shortage, there's a war shortage, there's a man-- uh there's a manpower shortage. Why don't we use Semanpower and make it uh use the Sperm Swarm? What do you want it to do? I mean, that's where I was hoping we could put our heads together, uh our peckerheads, and rub them together and figure out what kind of --what we can -- kinda ideas we can make spray out. Metaphorically."
* "I mean, they're so tiny but if each pers-- if each *soldier* has their own soldiers that they shoot out, there's kind of sub-sol-- meta-soldiers, then that's millions of opportunities to te-- cause it just takes *one* Sperm to -- uh to get into the egg to create a person, so it takes -- what if one Sperm's motive was not to get into the egg but was instead to uh murder a terrorist? Or even use interrogation?"
* [In response to Drew's question about how a Sperm would murder a terrorist] "Well instead of jamming itself into the egg, it jams itself right into the brain and causes the terrorist to die instantly through their temple. I mean, what's -- I don't understand what you don't understand."
* "If each Sperm is given a mission, then that's millions of missions for each emission."
* "So we can train a fish to play basketball, why can't we train a Sperm to uh deliver clean water to a remote population?"
* "The phallus is nothing if not a powerful tool."
* "Swarm Army, think about it, Swarm Army, think about it."
* "Swarm Army."

### Drew

* "Gobe Hell."
* "I haven't been eating anything. So I don't know what would be making my tummy sore."
* "It's like I've disappeared. I feel like a ghost sometimes, Josiah."
* "Are you done?"
* "But I wonder if um bickering piece of shit host named Josiah Hughes will be on this. '10 Things that ANNOY Podcast Listeners'."
* "Ouch, my doodle quacked!"
* "We're basically perfect."
* "People hate jokes."
* "We'll edit this out."
* [On the topic of what podcast listeners hate] "OK so don't sing."
* "I love it when you put your big daddy pants on and tell us the rules, Steve. That was so good and who knew you could sing like that? Me, that's who. It's those curved thumbs lol. Just messing with you."
* "I believe that within the next 6 months, we're gonna see all-out war throughout North America and the world. Uh it'll be left versus right, it won't be in terms of countries anymore, it'll be left versus right, you're gonna have to choose whether you're leftist or whether you're rightist. Simple as that!"
* "Well I don't wanna say I support this, necessarily, but the easiest -- if you have a -- if you can't staff an army, then you need to have a draft!"
* "Oh wow! That swarm works good!"
* "It's a perfect swarm!"
* [On the topic of what a queen bee looks like] "She's probably has boobs and is wearing, like, high heels!"
* "Don't put bees in your mouth."
* "That's the penis. The penis and the balls."
* "You can leave a Swarm of Sperm on your enemy's car?"
* "Yeah, you want us to jack off onto our enemies."
* "So you'd shoot them out like you regularly would, and then they would what? They would what? They would form into a little knife or something and go stab an enemy? Or what?"
* [On the topic of Sperm] "They're cute like fish."
* "Mountain Dew, uh, I, uh -- a Mountain Dew will completely kill all the -- well, no, it'll kill everything. That's what I used to do, you know, when I had sex. No, I'd just have a -- I used to just have a Mountain Dew before. Say, 'Hang on, let me chug this.' Then I'd get -- I'd just be at the point, I'd say, 'Oh my gosh, baby. Oh my *gosh*, baby. Oh my gosh, I'm just about there! I need to ch-- let me chug another one just to be safe.' And then I'd chug another one. And then it would be like, 'Oh, I lost the moment. I lost it. I'm gonna go to bed.' But I can't sleep! My tummy aches and the caffeine in the Mountain Dew killed -- I mean, it's keeping me up but it killed all my Sperm."

## Trivia

* The episode title refers to 'Swarm Army', while the in-episode idea title at the bottom of the screen refers to 'Sperm Swarm' for the entirety of the episode.
	+ Note: It is unclear why the episode was not named 'Episode 69: Sperm Swarm', in line with the in-episode idea title at the bottom of the screen, but after hearing the theme song for Sperm Swarm found in the video called "swarm army", it is likely that Josiah and Drew had a change of heart regarding the idea name and the episode itself, thereby renaming it 'Episode 69: Swarm Army'. However, this is merely conjecture.
* The episode number of this episode, 69, is an important number in the numerology associated with the Yin And Yang Theory, as established in Episode 9: World Wide Landlord.