Thad Gorwin

**Thad Gorwin** was an infamous and dubious prankster gangster in the United States as well as the former President of the Republic of Eastern Korea from 1945-1958.

## Early Life

Thad Gorwin was born in 1738 in the American States of Cool Skeleton Hunting to Esmarelda and Doolie Gorwin. He was named Thad at his father's request because he thought he looked like a Cool Skeleton Barbarian Hunter (this was a VERY prestigious occupation at the time) so he deemed it appropriate.

Most of his early life is shrouded in mystery, owing to the fact that Gorwin, when asked for details about his childhood, stated on the record, "Your Grandpa Joe is in hell for loitering, and that's all there is to it. Now move, there are 90's to be cranked".

In 1776, around the same time that the American States of Cool Skeleton Hunting had a bit of a rebrand (and also did the whole independence from the Stinkies shtick), Gorwin got his first job at Rat Smashers, a specialist rat hunting firm that was owned by the Gap. He worked there for over 30 years until he realized that the business did not even exist and promptly placed his two weeks notice into an open manhole and ran down the street screaming.

After this incident, Gorwin would have his introduction into the world of organized crime by running headfirst into the wall of the Lobster Club, a ten Michelin Star shrimp restaurant. It was here that he would meet the legendary criminal mastermind Jodie Wilhelm Forester, who liked the cut of his jib. Gorwin would commit minor acts of vandalism (deemed, "trolling" by the Criminal Code of Tomfoolery) in order to pay for his now crippling Mike and Ike addiction. His shenanigans would attract the attention of the law, who would send their Hawkeye Drones to destroy all of his various doohickeys.

## Political Career

After the defeat of the Japanese Empire in the Second World War, the Allied powers divided the Korean Peninsula into four countries because they thought it would be funny. Control over the Eastern Territory (officially the Republic of Eastern Korea) would be granted to Thad Gorwin by the United States in exchange for a cease in his actions of villainous debauchery and whimsical tomfoolery.

In 1950, conflict would engulf the Korean Peninsula over the ownership of the LEGOLAND theme park, with all countries claiming the territory as theirs following the release of the popular LEGO theme, "Space Police II". The resulting conflict would produce a death toll of over 500 million.

During the conflict, President Gorwin maintained a famously lax attitude towards the situation, often preferring to play, "Super Mario 64" on his Nintendo 64 console rather than attend important government meetings or conduct foreign/diplomatic affairs.

## Death

Thad Gorwin was killed in 1958 when a shipping container full of American motorcycles was dropped directly on his Presidential Palace by NASCAR driver Junior Johnson, following a heated internet debate over which was cooler; ninjas or pizza. Gorwin's argument of pizza over ninjas was proven to hold little water when presented with a two ton shipping container packed with Harley Davidson motorcycles dropped directly on his head.