Ingred's Journal Entry 19: Truth and Conspiracy

Well… what a busy few weeks this has been…

We made it out alive. We got out in one piece. However we all knew going into this that something may go wrong, and although our goal was met something *did* indeed go wrong. Out of all the possibilities, I would have never expected something like this. I was too focused on the worst case scenario. Sure, no one was harmed, but having to drag K out of there hurt like hell. I was so sure in the beginning that everything would be fine- that he would wake up in no time and we’d have our big, lovable beefcake back safe and sound… but I’m ashamed to say that as the days flew by, my faith in K’s abilities left me.

He was sent away to wait out the remainder of his struggle in privacy. The others spent that night drinking to forget the day's events, save for Marisol and I. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. If there was the slightest chance that he would rise within the next few hours, I wanted to be there to welcome him back. But he didn’t, of course, and I was left to scrape away the aftermath of the night's “festivities”, seeing as I was the only sober one. At least, the only sober one willing to do so.

Luckily, Lily was well enough the following morning to help me with some notes that I had borrowed from the laboratory. I sought help from the town’s magic trader, Alyx, who suggested using a scroll of some sort to translate the documents. I swear, every time I go in there I’m always caught off guard with something… *genuinely*- I thought she wasn’t wearing anything behind her apron when she came out to greet me… And the next time I saw her- I thought she… she…

*The next few lines have been scribbled out. They appear to have been done in a rush.*

No, no! Absolutely not, my ears must have deceived me. My eyes have already done the same, so it wouldn’t be a surprise. But… But… no, no I-I definitely *heard* correctly… Why would she say something like that? We hardly even know each other! Perhaps she was… I don’t know- joking..? Or maybe trying to get a reaction out of me? Whatever the reason may be, I highly doubt a woman like herself would-

*Yet another line has been scratched away.*

I’ve gotten off topic… curse this conspiratorial head of mine…

Those notes were apparently rather dangerous. They mention the Tarlies alongside another family name that I don’t recognize. I can’t talk about the details, but I’m surprised that the Tarlie family has been around for that long. They’re older than I initially thought. We’re keeping the notes hidden for now; at least until we can find a trusted source to get another opinion from. Lily was quite helpful, but I worry about dragging her into something risky. Fingers crossed this won’t become a bigger issue down the line.

Even without K, we still had work to do. We took a job up north from one of the individuals at the gala; uhm- a Duke. I believe. Whose name I still can’t be bothered to remember… I had to ride with Anthos, of all people. There’s no way in Jonsen’s green grass that I’m getting on top of that blasted rug! Sharing a horse with him wasn’t… *that* bad, I suppose. Could have been worse. He’s gotten better with me since our last expedition, and- well… I don’t think I need to see him as an enemy anymore. He won’t hurt me. He’s said so himself...

I had to come clean. The others stumbled across an old poster of mine and I- I didn’t see any way I was going to keep that information hidden. Not with such blatant evidence against me. Gods, every bone in my body was screaming at me to get the hell out of there... I probably would have too, if it weren’t for Anthos. At the time I thought that I completely lost everyone’s trust, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

Maybe it’s because compared to *their* baggage, mine is relatively tame. I’m not secretly a (*an attempt was made before the goblin’s tally marks were crossed out and replaced with common-font numbers*) 10,000 year old “angel” or whatever, nor am I possessed, or have gods following my every move. I’m just a liar and a wanted criminal, although according to Mr. Press I don’t even have a criminal *record*, so I can’t help but theorize what the hell Northern Aima is up to… I’m going to run out of paper at this rate...

After my confession, Anthos seems to have become relaxed in my presence. He and I have been doing more things together, and to my surprise I’ve actually been… What's the word… enjoying? His company? The fool somehow managed to help me find a Dragonsthorn mushroom, believe it or not! We even came across some booze during the Duke’s commission, although Anthos would rather toss bottles into the *void* than have a drink with me. At least he didn’t rat me out to Marisol, who still owes me a trip to the tavern.

So that’s the impromptu deal we’ve made, I suppose. I will accept magic from Marisol, but she has to get me drinks in return. Maybe I can convince her to join me for once. Also I really hope she doesn’t use this as an excuse to cast whatever she wants on me… But… I’ll admit, I probably wouldn’t be here right now if it weren’t for her help back there. The job was very difficult. A few of us fell, and luckily I was the only one to catch the creatures’ sickness. It was very unusual, much different than anything you might catch in Aima.

My attempts to treat myself were no use, and unfortunately I had to receive aid from one of the healers here. I originally thought that Marisol could be rid of it on her own, but it appears to have been too complicated for her. She seemed… gentler than usual. I still don’t know what to make of it… Was I delusional, or was she really..? Hm… well…

The others brought me some items while I was in isolation. It’s been a… *very* long time since I’ve received gifts. At least, ones that weren’t work related. I still haven’t gotten through all the books, but this most recent one is rather weird. The plot line is utter garbage and most of the material is- uhm- I don’t think relationships work that way. Do they? Was I doing it wrong..?

Anyways… apparently K had woken up while I was still casually rotting away in my room. I had to wait until I got better to see him, but the second I did… Oh, what a relief it is to have him back. I feel guilty, though… While the others visited him, I couldn’t muster up the courage to do the same. I was so caught up in my own head, I-I genuinely believed that he was a goner after weeks of waiting for him. I gave up on the man much too soon… and now I can’t help but notice a weight in my chest every time I’m in his company. I’m not sure if I could handle losing another friend.

I need to get my shit together, though, or he’ll start questioning me… I don’t think he would take the news very well. It’s- it’s not like I… I wasn’t trying to… I’m not… *lying*, not really… just- just… I don’t want him to know- I don’t want him to lose faith in me, but maybe it’s what I deserve after… losing faith in *him*…

*The following pages have been written in graphite. It appears the last few paragraphs were done at a later date.*

Marisol was being odd a few days back. She wouldn’t say why though, nor did she want to talk about it. I guess it’s none of my business, but whenever she acts like a normal person I’m always concerned. I just hope that whatever it is doesn’t affect her work. Marisol’s been *seemingly* fine as of late, however I think she’s slowly losing her patience with me. Again. Yes, Marisol, I can and *will* accept help from others! I just don’t want her shoving magic in my face unless absolutely necessary. Well… perhaps she was offering a healing kit or something… but I’m so used to her magic that it must have slipped my mind at the time… to be fair she probably should have specified?

K showed off his beast riding skills during our last job after I failed *miserably* at attempting it myself. Who knew that it could be so difficult? I have no idea how he makes it look so easy. Maybe I’ll ask him about it later… Marisol and I tried our best to convince him to eat the monster’s meat with us, but I guess he isn’t as daring with his food as I initially thought.

We’re going to do some research tomorrow. Hopefully within the next day or two I can persuade Lily to send us to Gail. Hopefully. She was awfully persistent the last time we spoke about it, and because she’s such an open book Marisol now has an idea of what’s going on. Great. Perfect. Let’s let the whole world know that I, Ingred A. Phifforn, want to go fuck with Brutal Energy. Lord Jonsen, please give me the motivation to not try something stupid.

*A small note has been taped to the end of this entry.*

Also… I have a painting of Rosa. I might be seeing things, but… she looks like me. Just a little bit. She couldn’t be my mother though, she’s… She’s human… Unless for some reason you’re actually not my *father* which would make zero sense. What is your relationship with her, if any? I need to know. I have to know, I’m tired of waiting for an answer.