The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A ObjectTales Movie

The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A ObjectTales Movie is the second ObjectTales feature film. by New Line Cinema

## Plot

The film opens sometime in the late 17th century with two pirate ships fighting. The prince, Fredrick of Monterria, is captured by Herbert the Terrible, his ruthless uncle. The other pirates search the ship for the princess, Eloise, but miss her hiding spot and leave. When Ellen and her butler Millory (Grover Flashlight) emerge, she sends a device that her father made, a "Helpseeker," to find heroes to save Fredrick. It evades the pirates on the ship and jumps into the sea.

The film jumps to the present where best friends Joe (Pa Broomstick), Seymour (Mr. Wario), and Eric (Jerry the Clock) are working at a pirate-themed dinner theater. Seymour, who is very lazy, has invented a remote-controlled toy truck with a claw arm to help him do things he doesn't feel like doing - though when his girlfriend Ester asks him to get her some barbecue sauce, it is out of range of his toy and he refuses to make the effort himself. Eric has a list of things he's afraid of, and when his girlfriend Bernadette asks him to get the barbecue sauce, he says the back room is dark and therefore "on his list." Joe, who lacks self-respect, does what everyone tells him; his children, Joe Jr and Lindsey, idolize the star of the show, Sir Alexander and he is worried that he does not impress his kids.

Eric, Seymour, and Joe want to be seen as heroes by their loved ones, but since they're only cabin boys, they think that their dream is unattainable. After the show, while they are cleaning up, an old blind man appears out of nowhere, prophesying that an adventure awaits for them and that "the stage is set for the heroes at hand." Elliot thinks this means that if they all audition, they'll be cast in the show. They audition but it backfires and messed up half of the restaurant; as a result they are fired and thrown into the alley, where they find the Helpseeker and are teleported to the 17th century.

Meeting Ellen and Millory, they set off to Jolly George's, a known pirate hang-out, where they learn it was Herbert who kidnapped the prince in the hopes of exacting revenge on the king, Herbert's brother. They also learn that the clues to find Herbert's fortress are hidden in a cave past the Rocks of Malabar. They do find the clues there, but Seymour happens across what appears to be a pool of cheese curls, his favorite snack, and decides to stay on the island and relax instead of pursuing Herbert. When Joe and Eric return to the beach, they discover that Herbert's men have taken their boat and captured Ellen and Millory. They head out to follow the clues: go east to the isle of walking rocks, and through the clapping pass.

Back in the cave, the cheese curls turn out to be alive - and vicious. Seymour is attacked and, in his desperation to escape being eaten by his own favorite food, discovers he can do anything without giving up. When Joe and Eric get to the isle, the rocks, which are really large rock-monsters, start to surround them, but then Seymour arrives, having now swum across the ocean followed by the cheese curls. The rocks find the curls amusing and start to interact with them.

The pass opens and one of the rock-monsters helps them get through it. Within the hidden bay, they quickly find Herbert's fortress, which is apparently unguarded, but a giant serpent attacks their ship. Joe and Seymour are terrified, but Eric, overcoming his fear, realizes the guardian is actually just a mechanical device; when it "eats him," he is able to shut the machine down from inside and save his friends.

They rescue the prince and princess, with the help of Seymour's "labor-saving device," only to be stopped by Herbert. Finding his self-respect at last, Joe uses a chandelier to knock Herbert down. They escape through the fortress's cistern, with Herbert in hot pursuit. Back in the bay, Herbert's ship opens fire on the heroes, but the king shows up just in time, and Herbert goes down with his ship.

The king gives them medals for their good work, reminding them that heroes aren't necessarily strong or handsome or dashing, but in fact anyone who does what he or she knows is right no how matter hard the situation. The Helpseeker returns them to the restaurant, just in time for the Friday night show, but Herbert has stowed away on their trip back and attacks Sir Alexander, mistaking him for Joe. A final showdown with Herbert sends him back to his own time. The audience cheers wildly, including their loved ones, and Joe's children respect him at last. Offered a second chance to be in the show, they refuse, saying that life has plenty of adventure of its own... as the Helpseeker blinks once again.

## Fun Facts

### Explanations

* Cardiac arrest is a sudden stop in effective blood circulation due to the failure of the heart to contract effectively or at all.

### Trivia

* This is the last project Jam Filled Toronto worked with Big Hive.
* There were a few differences between the pre-production and the final.
	+ "Somewhere in the present" was going to be "Somewhere last week". This was changed because they didn't want to confuse viewers about time.
	+ Originally, there was a scene with Mario who is driving a bus to the nursing home, calling out the blind man that it's time to go. However, this was cut because of time.
	+ Herbert's scene after the Pirates meet Ellen was added so it didn't feel like the movie drifted away from the bad guy.
	+ This was originally supposed to be released on February 2008, but was pushed back to January.
	+ The wheel in the cistern was going to be a lever, but was changed because viewers would get confused if that was the lever the prophecy meant.
* In the second teaser trailer, when Joe says "There's something you don't see everyday", it's at daytime, but in the actual movie, it is shown at nighttime.

### Inside References

* Seymour stating if Joe is the lion is a character reference towards Pa Broomstick playing the lion from the Wizard of Auto.
* Herbert saying "To the ship!" was a quote previously used in the first 3-2-1 Legos! episode.

### Real World References

* TiVo is a American company who were known for their digital video recorders, introduced in 1999.
* The Weather Channel is a American cable and satellite channel.
* Edward Scissorhands is the title character from the film with the same name.
* The scene with the Cheese Curl monsters crawling out of the hole was inspired by the first Mummy film. Quinn states it's also based on the Lord of the Rings films where the goblins come out of the columns.
* "Say hello to my little friend!" is a quote from "Scarface".