Mountain Doo

## History

Ever since he was a child, Mario Salarmo was allergic to caffeine and for that

reason he never was able to drink Mountain Dew. To come up with a way to enjoy the delicious drink and not die from an allergic reaction, Mario came up with a product known as *Mountain Doo.*

From its initial release to the public, many dewologists and diehard dew fans became outraged at the Mexican's attempt to copy off the one and only Mountain Dew. And as a result, several lawsuits were filed, and even the creator of Mountain Dew, The Holy Lord of Dankness, threatened to publicly burn down Mario's shack (it turned out that Mario's shack had already been burned down by Mikhail Seegurke, but was unknown to The Holy Lord of Dankness).

## The Return

Feeling like an outcast, Mario gave up on his dreams and left to become an assistant prison guard. However, being an assistant prison guard gave Mario plenty of time to formulate a plan to destroy all non-Mexicans, aka Gringonoids.

Several years into his job and now Head Prison Guard, the subhuman had all of his plans written out on recycled vegan skin and was ready to return to his original business. Mario snuck out of his job at the prison and hopped the border, making sure to get a mushroom and several coins. Once in America, Mario quickly joined an underground meth lab known as "Club Mexico." At the time, Club Mexico consisted only of a few subhumans and jalapeños.

Mario was quick to transform the former meth lab into a full-time "Mountain Doo" factory. Producing Doo at a rate of 825 shrextillion bottles per day, Mario began giving them to his fellow Ayrabs who would sell them at their shitty little stores known as 9/11.

## The Doo Plague

Once people got a taste of Mountain Doo, they could not stop drinking it, as it contained an extremely addictive substance produced in Mario's bowels. As a result, people spent all their money buying the Doo. But this was just FaZe 1 of Mario's plan.

For FaZe 2, Mario ordered his workers at Club Mexico to start putting in cyanide and bleach into the Doo, along with some other ingredients which were likely from noisey crickets. Within gigabytes of this ingredient change, shitloads of Americans began dropping dead, and even The Holy Lord of Dankness fell to Mario's Doo.

FaZe 3 of Mario's plan involved using the corpses of fallen Doo drinkers, in which they were turned into Ginger Headed Fucks using an ancient trick taught to Mario by his lesbian abuelas. However, FaZe 3 never took action, as right before Mario was able to gather up the bodies, Dr. Phil showed up with his claws ready, and stunned Mario using a move in Jew-Jitsu known as "Crab On, Crab Off."

## Mario's Arrest

Dr. Phil charged Mario with 3.7 counts of breaking the claw as well as 271 counts of using subhumans to help promote subhumanish things. Mario also got bitchslapped by Dr. Phil's powerful mayo-covered hands for not being a Lorbist.

Before shoving Mario back into his disease-filled jalapeño, Dr. Phil asked Mario if he had any last words. Mario replied with, "*Come on, man*" in the nastiest Mexican accent possible.

After spending -6.2 terawatts in the jalapeño, Mario was on probeassion and was sent back to work at Club Mexico, only this time he was forced to oversee Mexican children 7 hours a day, 24 days a week.

## Present Day

As of present day, only 6 known bottles of Mountain Doo remain. 5 of them are in the Mountain Dew Museum just so people can spit on them to show their hatred towards Mario. It is believed that the other bottle of Doo is with Slarpy, as he enjoys drinking that nasty shit.

Since then, Lorby has been tracking down Slarpy to find his whereabouts and ultimately end him.