Season 1 Episode 1 - Script

This is the **script of the first episode of Season 1** of the show Nordia. In this episode Norway is the storyteller and the main character. This episode is the first appearance of the characters: Norway, Svalbard, Åland, Sweden, Denmark, Belgium, Finland, The European Union (who is not seen), Iceland (Cameo), and Belgium. The episode ends with the catchphrase "Endè!" like every other episode. In this episode it is said by Eurogod (The European Union).

Storyteller (Norway): Once Upon a time, in a land far away, but not such a

long of a drive to be honest, the seven nordic countries were created by the almighty god of europe. Norway, whose attribute was Wiseness. Denmark, whose attribute was Understanding. Svalbard, who was joyful. Iceland, who resembled innocence. Sweden, who was kind. Åland, whom had courage. And Finland, who just brought us all heavy metal and vodka.

I live in the scandinavian hut with my two young twin sisters, the only place I can hide in from creepy, yet attractive, Belgium, which is absolutely not a nordic country, and should deal with it and.. You know what? forget that introduction! This is NORDIA!"

<2015 1st Nordic Meeting>

Iceland: "Is Grønland invyted today? Danmark?"

Denmark: "my son isn't mature enough to be included"

Norway: "he is your son!? He seems 12 shirt sizes bigger than you!"

Denmark: "FALSE! Just 10 sizes... And yes, he is my son!"

Svalbard: "today I decided to serve lollipops!"

Åland: "for the 8th conference in a row! And you've only been in five!!"

Iceland: "Haw?"

Finland: "'TOO MUCH LOLLIPOP CAN MAKE STOMACH NOT FEEL HAPPY HAPPY!' I AM QUÖTING MOTHER SOVIETTA"

<Belgium Enters Room>

Belgium: "Sorry I'm late! I was late for the bus when then the bus came and I forgot my..."

Iceland: "No one vants you khir!"

Belgium: "bus pass at home."

Sweden: "you are not a nordic country!"

Svalbard: "and together we can create initials of our names to create the abbreviation SISNFÅD which means nothing in any way but who cares because we have lollipops and it's important!"

Åland: "Svalbard, you make no sense, I hate that!"

Finland: "'NEVER PICK ON LITTLE SISTER EVER' WAS WHAT MOTHER SOVIETTA USED TO SAY BEFORE SHE DIED"

Belgium: "Look! A bird!"

<Everybody turns around>

<Belgium steals an open seat>

Sweden: "Hey, whoa, whoa, Belgium!"

Svalbard: "Yeah, gurl."

Iceland: "Don't try to be cool."

Sweden: "Kalmarunionett members, raise HANDS!"

<Hands go up>

<4 Second Silence>

Sweden: "I had nothing to say, I like bragging 'bout it."

Finland: "COME ON, SWEDEN."

Norway: "We're not going anywhere with this meeting! It's time to finnish this! Finnish! Get it?"

Finland: "THAT WAS LÄM."

Norway: "Every Maestro has his weaker days."

Sweden: "Oh, wait, Belgium's here. Without anything TO DO WITH IT... End of conference!"

Belgium: "You are just ending it now because I'M here!"

Norway: "how will I EVER do that to you!!?"

Iceland: "Never!"

Belgium: "Ooj ja, then I'm relaxed"

Sweden: "Pack up, we are going!"

<Everyone Leaves>

Storyteller (Norway): "So we went home, Svalbard & I, and Åland went to school. When she came back to our hut, I had to deal with this shi.. Problem."

Åland: "\*I'M\* not \*going\* inside!"

Norway: "I thought you were going to Finn's House today anyway"

Åland: "I was supposed to, but then I got this homework assignment I need to do with you"

Norway: "Then get in!"

Åland: "No! I'm mad at you! You always take Svalbard's side in everything!"

Svalbard: "let's put a potato inside fish bait and call it Potait!"

Norway: "I'm not taking her side NOW, am I?"

Åland: "ugh, arguing with you norwegians is useless in every mean"

<Åland enters>

Norway: "So, Homework?"

Åland: "Uhh... Yeh.. Svalbard, what in the name of the european union are you doing!?"

Svalbard: "Making sure no one fights and there is just peace in the world!"

Norway: "but how does this help it?"

Svalbard: "It isn't. I wanted you to think I'm helping the community though basically I'm just eating marshmallows"

Norway: "are you sure that's how you eat marshmal.. Ugh, nevermind"

<Norway & Åland sit on chairs>

Svalbard: "I have a secret"

Åland: "You see dead people... Wooooow. God damn it, Sval, I'm sick of the drama"

Svalbard: "why are you even here, big sister Åland?""

Åland: "I'm making an essay about my family... \*to norway\* I need to ask you a few questions.... And, I know I'm adopted. I'm not even a bit like my so called twin, I'm a lot older, I speak swedish, My flag isn't as yours, so please, don't act like you are my biological family. Can I interview you?"

Norway: "sure, go ahead"

<Svalbard bends onto Åland's ears joyfully>

Åland: "you know what, we will do that later.... I want to ask, What was it Belgium said about your oil?"

Norway: "\*studder\* that big-mouthed Belgium, I knew she would yakk about it, I knew it! \*whispered\*"

Åland: "\*notices Svalbard near her\* Svalbard?"

Svalbard (whispers into Åland's ears): "\*happily\* I like Fudge"

Åland: "\*to norway\* So, how does having oil help you?"

Svalbard: "and a unicorn. Fudge, and unicorn."

Norway: "You know, it's just that..."

Svalbard: "Ah, Fudge"

Åland: "that what?"

Svalbard: "Fudge is a nice word to use, too!"

Norway: "It gets me more..."

Svalbard: "Fudge"

Åland: "Svalbard, you need to cut it off"

Svalbard: "But, Bu... What? \*cries\* I never meant to do anything bad! \*wails\*"

Norway: "Svalbard, what actually have you done to her?"

Svalbard: "Åland, what actually have I done to you?"

Norway: "You don't even know what made her angry and you apologize? Sis, that's sad"

Svalbard: "No! \*cries\* I never meant to make you sad! \*wails\*"

Norway: "no, wait..."

<Interrupted by Svalbard cries>

Norway: "don't cry \*whispers\* hey... Svalbard... Don't cry..."

<Svalbard still cries unstoppably>

Norway: "Svalb..."

Svalbard: "ahhhh! \*cries louder\*"

Finland: "SHUT UP!!!!!!!!"

Eurogod: "Uhhh!!!! \*stump\* Cut that shit!"

<Sweden, Denmark, Iceland, Norway, Finland, Åland, and Svalbard jump back in horror>

Svalbard: "\*scream\* don't let me die young!"

Finland: "WHO WAS THAT?!"

<Finland pulls out knife>

Denmark: "oh, so bread knifes just happen to come in handy in those moments?"

Sweden: "What was this grunt I heard???"

<Åland hides behind Finland and uses him as a human shield>

Eurogod: "I believe I should now introduce myself! How oh so impolite of me!"

Svalbard: "where are you, at first?"

Eurogod: "everywhere."

Finland: "SPOOKY. I LIKE THAT."

Eurogod: "I am the well known god. I heard my name come up a lot in this nordic community thing.. It's a pleasure to meet you. The name is union. European Union."

Åland: "that is one suckish name"

Eurogod: "that's why you can just call me 'Eurogod', or 'The God of European Union and of the yet to be empire of europe in whole, he whom controls it all', for short."

Denmark: "bless you?"

Eurogod: "I control your imports, your exports, everything that belongs to you - I keep an eye or two on it"

Norway: "Say what you want to say, I am keeping my oil!!"

<Norway walks away fast>

Finland: "YOU CANNOT DO THAT!... WHO IS WITH ME?"

<Svalbard takes a step back from Denmark>

Finland: "SVAL? WE ARE TAKING SIDES NOW, AREN'T WE?"

Svalbard: "and you want me to take your side? I'm sorry, Finn, no, I'm on Norway's side now"

Sweden: "when are you not?"

\*nordic people fighting\*

Finland: "PERKELE!"

Sweden: "Why do we always have to fight? \*dramatically\*"

<Sweden walks a step or two back, as Åland follows>

Åland: "\*from the distance\* you'd better keep on fighting, you damn fools!"

<Denmark leaves, leaving the rest of the group arguing with each other>

<Norway walks back in the group carefully, carrying Svalbard on her lap>

<Denmark walks in>

\*silence\*

Denmark: "I brought my son, Bigreenland!"

Bigreenland: "\*threatening\* Rakastan ankka teltat, mansikka!"

Sweden: "that sounds reeaaaal creepy"

<everybody forgets about the argument and leaves except for Finn and Bigreenland>

Finland: "I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. WHAT YOU SAID WAS NOT EVEN A LITTLE THREATENING! \*angry\*"

\*Bigreenland chuckles\*

Bigreenland: "The Swedes don't know that... \*laughter\*"

Finland: "Oh, I get that trick... VASKELAÄINEN"

Bigreenland: "Yeah... It's not what I said... I think they just went away because I'm so big... Scaredy cats"

Finland: "Why won't you come over to my house, in Helsinki Center?"

Bigreenland: "I'd love that!"

Storyteller (Norway): "And so, they went on to Helsinki, not knowing how tremendously this desicion has changed the course of the future that Eurogod held to them. Because Bigreenland... Moved in to Finland's place..."

Iceland: "vat did I miss? Haló? Norvegia? Grunland? What is dees? Olahnd? Beljik? Dart it! I always miss everything!"

<Iceland Leaves>

Iceland & Norway: "Hai"

Svalbard: "Hello Iceland"

<Norway holds her oil with her>

Svalbard: "i just want a little part of your glory oil!"

Belgium: "I am here, "My Fellow Nordics"! Wait... \*confused\* I am a nordic too! Wait for me!!!!! I love you, norway!!!!!"

Eurogod: "Endè!"