Tubba the Hero

It was a beautiful day at Rogueport, and Tubba decided to take advantage of it by going for a stroll.  As he walked, a man suddenly approached him from across the path.

“Hello!” the Bandit said, giving him a warm smile.  “I haven’t seen you around these parts.  What’s your name?”  Knowing his life was in danger, Tubba drove his club through the man’s chest and flung him at a nearby wall.  As he slowly died in agony, the Clubba breathed a sigh of relief.

“Phew,” he muttered.  “That was a close one.”

Tubba continued through the city, a bit more alert due to the dangerous encounter.  When a new attacker made himself known, he was ready.

“Excuse me, young man!” an elderly citizen cried from across the street.  “I don’t think I could manage to cross the road on my own.  Do you think you could-”  Before he could finish, Tubba let out a fearsome battle cry and charged.  He swung his weapon at the man’s head, knocking it off.

“Yet another close call!” he said to himself.  He noticed that nearby citizens were screaming and running away after the fight.  “Ah, they too must have recognized the peril of the situation.”  Then the Clubba thought of something much more plausible.  They were probably also thugs, returning to their headquarters to plot against him!  Realizing this, Tubba was more alert than ever.

Suddenly, he saw a blimp land across the town.  “Oh no!  They’re sending in an entire fleet to get me!”  Knowing that he had to strike first, Tubba sprinted over to the landing site.

“Thank you for choosing your local blimp service!” the pilot said over the loudspeaker.  To the passengers’ confusion, his calm voice was suddenly replaced by a horrific scream.  In seconds, Tubba made his way into the central chamber and slaughtered everyone within.

“Always best to take on a problem from the source, I always say!” he huffed, wiping off his sweat and others’ blood from his forehead.  As soon as Tubba exited the blimp, he was surrounded by a group of unfamiliar creatures.

“Tubba, please stop!” said a pink Duplighost.

"You’ve lost it, man.  Get a grip!” cried a pubescent Broozer.

From the crowd emerged an unknown blue Clubba.  “Tubba, are you okay?” he murmured, smiling weakly.

“Oh no!  Threats all around me!” Tubba cried.  “I’ve got to act fast!”  Acting quickly, Tubba murdered every single battler around him, then stared down at the pile of corpses that he was responsible for.  “Why are all of these completely random people attacking me?”

As the day went on, more and more people proved to be dangerous to his life.  He made sure to take them all out, and by the time the sun had set, he was all alone in Rogueport.  At least, he thought he was.  When his guard was down, someone stuck a club under his neck.

“Hey, Tubba,” whispered a teal Clubba.  “I don’t really like what you’re doing.  Could you please stop?”

Tubba pushed away from the mystery man and bumped into a green Yoshi.

“Leave murder to the capable, kid.”  He held him in place as the other Clubba took him out with one fatal bash.

“That was easy,” Chubba began, but he was cut off by a sudden whirring sound.  When he turned around, he was shocked to see a time machine materialize out of thin air.  To his surprise, Tubba stepped out of it!

“HAHAHA!  YOU HAVE BEEN TRICKED!” he screamed, clutching his weapon.  “THAT WAS A FAKE ME FROM AN ALTERNATE TIMELINE!”  Yoshi jammed a poison shroom down his throat, killing him in an instant.  Right after, however, several dozen more time machines appeared around them.

“HAHAHA!  HE WAS FAKE TOO!” every Tubba yelled in unison.  When they looked around, however, they all identified many identical threats!  They knew they had to be eliminated!  An all-out brawl ensued between the red Clubbas until every last one was dead. Silence filled the area for almost a minute after.

“Well, that was an interesting day,” Chubba said.  “You can head back home, and I’ll meet you there soon.”

“I do what I want,” Yoshi said, and walked back into the sky.

As he grew farther and farther away, a sadistic grin spread across the teal Clubba’s face.  A drop of paint dripped away from his face, revealing red skin.  As the hero, Tubba was ready to go to any extent necessary to save the world.