Broden (LAN PARTY)

**Broden** is a character played by Broden Kelly in the LAN PARTY series of the Aunty Donna Podcast.

Broden is a big fucking dork nerd who loves games. His favourite type of game is first-person. His favourite soda pop is Fanta raspberry edition. He has a girlfriend in year 11 named Churn who he is polyamorous with, who he has met once and only communicates with over MSN. He also has a crush on a girl named Jenny. He tapes movies to sell them at school, and his parents allow him to watch R-rated movies. His favourite comedy movie is The Blues Brothers.

Broden constantly lies to one-up his friends, lying about everything from having sex, to drinking alcohol, and to running and swimming 15km every morning. He frequently tries to seem more mature than his peers by offering advice about how when they get older or more mature they will come to agree with his perspective.

## Biography

Broden went round to Mark's house for a LAN party with him and Zach. He had brought his PC computer on his bike. He told a story about peeing his pants while watching *The Matrix* because he didn't want to miss a scene. He debated what would happen in the next Avengers movie with Mark, and talked about his girlfriend named Churn. (*Podcast Ep 143 - LAN PARTY*)

Broden was at the next LAN party at Mark's house wearing a trilby hat believing the podcast would have a theme of 'getting the band back together', which didn't happen. His favourite extra in *Donnie Darko* is the extra ending where you see Donnie Darko with a plane engine through his torso. When Mark revealed he thought you could tell he was a virgin from his penis, Broden said he needed to talk to a doctor. Broden played the theme song to *Spin City* but about Mark, replacing all the lyrics with variations on 'fuck you Mark'. When looking for the newly released trailer for *Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker,* he accidentally played the trailers for *The Force Awakens* and *The Last Jedi,* and *Cool Runnings* first. His favourite superhero is Spawn. He lied about having had sex with a 40 year old. (*Podcast Ep 146 - LAN PARTY 2*)

Broden welcomed Zach and Mark to his house for Zach's birthday LAN party and argued about Arnott's Shapes flavours with Mark. He argued with Mark about whether or not Mark had Nike Air Jordans on, insisting Mark did not have those shoes. He was offended when Mark said he was going to leave the LAN party early to get cannolis from his nonna's house, as he'd booked out the whole back room and Foxtel and the plan was they were going to have a sleepover. When Mark called his mother to see if he could come back to Broden's house after cannolis at his nonna's house, Broden said Mark's mother sounded hot and called her a MILF. Zach pulled him aside to thank him for lending him his copy of *Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets* but revealed it was burned in the backyard by his stepfather and could not return it. Broden asked Zach to buy him another copy, but Zach presented him with a book titled '"Timmy and his New Friend *as Zach couldn't buy him another copy, which greatly displeased him. Broden argued with Mark about* Twix Pods*. He went to find music to put on for the LAN party, going through 10 CDs they could pick from:* Pete Murray, Linkin Parks Hybrid Theory, Linkin Parks Meteora, Papa's Roach's album, POD, Alive the single, the Melbourne Football Club theme song single, Aerosmiths Don't Wanna Miss a Thing from Armageddon the single, Backstreet's Back, and Third Eye Blind. He said he was getting more into Year 10-12 music which was more mature. Zach invited him to just play the drums for two hours if he would enjoy that, which he had done before, and everyone sat and listened to him for 2 hours. Broden also has the Curious George album. Broden credits Foxtel to expanding his horizons. Broden studied Donnie Darko in Media class and described being the only person in the class who 'got it', to the approval of his teacher. Broden loves to listen to albums on shuffle while going on a run and lifting weights, feeling it a really interesting way to reimagine music. Broden claimed to have seen the Snyder Cut long before anyone else did. *(Podcast Ep 201 - LAN PARTY 3)*

Broden woke up last after the sleepover to do a 15km run and revealed he runs in his sleep underpants to lessen the amount of laundry his mother has to do. He claimed to do cross-country running, low weight high intensity, and that he jumps into a creek to swim a few kilometres before getting home, having a shower, and having some protein, saying that if anyone challenged him they would not survive. When Mark pointed out he had a morning erection, Broden claimed that was his penis while flaccid, even though it was pointing up. He said he didn't want to talk about length of penis size and that he didn't need to compete in that realm. Zach pointed out he talked about his penis size a lot, having talked about it for two hours the previous night. The previous night, he had gone to the Blink 182 website's chatroom and talked about how big his penis was unprompted.

He talked about how when Mark and Zach get more mature (not correlated to their actual age) they will find shows like *Scrubs* which work on multiple levels more funny. He told Mark that when his palate evolves he'll find that ricotta is a really delicious flavour, and revealed sometimes he'll have wine with fish and chips because his family are really chill about it. He claimed to have tasted Mark's nonna's vino and that it was just okay. Broden claimed he had a girl he was on and off with and that she went to Methodists Ladies College, describing her as a fuckbuddy. Zach said that last week Broden had told him he was a virgin while crying and worried that he wouldn't lose it until he was older than 17 and a half, and Mark said that he had gone to the doctors last week to get a medical circumcision as his foreskin was too tight. He claimed to have had a busy week. Broden said he named each of his breakfast cereals after women he'd had sex with. Shannon, cornflakes, Jane, Froot Loops. He told the group his mother could whip up waffles, pancakes, but that she couldn't do American-style hash browns like Mark wanted. Broden said he usually knocked back a few beers with breakfast. He said if he was a Tekken character he would be King but could not name any other characters. Broden described Mr. Bean as 'fucking sick', his favourite scene in The Bean Movie being when Mr. Bean speeds up the rollercoaster simulation.

He revealed his top two masturbation fantasies were Elliot from Scrubs, Marge Simpson, Lois Griffin, and Leela from Futurama. Broden said he did not enjoy Gold Class as much as regular cinema experience as it was harder to give a reach-over, but also that he didn't know what not-Gold Class cinemas were like as he'd always been in Gold Class. Broden claimed every condom was too small for his penis. *(Podcast Ep 202 - LAN PARTY 4*)

## Appearances

* Podcast Ep 143 - LAN PARTY
* Podcast Ep 146 - LAN PARTY 2
* Podcast Ep 201 - LAN PARTY 3
* Podcast Ep 202 - LAN PARTY 4
* Podcast EP 228 - LAN PARTY 5 feat. Tawny Newsome
* Podcast Ep 248 - LAN PARTY 6, The Snyder Cut