316: God Say What?

## Summary

Rosco finally reveals that the rutabaga he's been wearing around his neck magically unfolds into a huge six-wheeled, people-carrying vehicle, which Raphina immediately dubs the *Rutabago*. Will requires some gentle coaxing, but they all get on board and go over their plan to seek out the next dark sliver in Gully's End. Will reminds them of the image the book showed them, but Batthwack claims not to remember it, and the others wonder if he's in denial about the fact that his home may really be going up in flames.

## Synopsis

Having cleared a space among the brambles and weeds, Rosco takes Rudy off of its necklace and places it on the ground. He utters the phrase, *"Bruciferme, cruciferous, Rudy won't you transport us!"* and the tiny rutabaga slowly grows and re-shapes into a huge, cylindrical vehicle, complete with six smaller rutabagas for wheels, and a giant pair of googly eyes on the front. A rectangle in the side folds down to provide means of entry and a goofy voice, apparently belonging to this magical vehicle, yells *"Hey guys!"* Rosco proudly introduces his gobsmacked comrades to his RV (or *"Rutabaga Vehicle"*), something he picked up years ago on his first trip to Beartoggle. *"Never underestimate the power of the root vegetable,"* he says. Raphina is of course the most keen to jump right in, christening it the *Rutabago* (because it's a "rutabaga" that you "go" in; definitely not for any other reason).

Batthwack cautiously goes inside and sits down on a seat that's actually a cabbage. Rosco beckons everyone in and says he'll drive the *Rutabago*, the thought of which terrifies Will. Raphina thinks she's found the chain for the toilet flush, but when she pulls it, the same goofy voice from earlier shouts *"A-roootabaga!"* Will jumps clean off the vehicle at this sound. Rosco gets into the driver's seat to refamiliarize himself with the controls and check the map, and Oscar hops right into the "co-pilot" seat next to him. From outside, Sheemie and Will eye the vehicle suspiciously. Will suspects it's not going to go very fast, but he's worried about Rosco, who's clearly not quite all there, being behind the controls. Rosco assures them that the fastest he's ever gone is around 45mph; and that was during a getaway. It's normally a cool 20-25mph, and this track is so overgrown that it's going to be slow-going to begin with.

Bernard's already aboard with his nose in a collection of dog chews, so Rosco tries to coax Will aboard by saying *"Would Zol Berdia approve of your comin' along with your friends, Will?"* Will does board the vehicle, and with a slight smirk and a wink, replies *"Don't you worry about Zol Berdia."* The group really latch onto this, Mo wondering again if this is a clue that Will himself is a god. Will thinks this is hilarious, but clearly enjoys the idea, saying provocatively, *"Would a god know that they're a god?"* Batthwack quietly prays to Zol Berdia for guidance about the flail, keeping one eye on Will to see if it's him that responds.

Mo is apparently also in need of some divine guidance, and asks Will what the party's goal is. He explains all about the slivers and says that their first stop is Gully's End, seeing how the Coyote's declared that it was "ablaze" and how that tied in with the picture they saw in the book. Oddly, Batthwack's reaction to this is to claim he never saw any such picture. Will's utterly perplexed by this; Batthwack's completely clear on all the other pictures they saw. Batthwack explains that he felt the Coyote's description was more figurative than literal. *"I don't think the Coyote actually means it's on fire. That's absurd. Gully's End is huge,"* he says.

They begin trundling down the track. Rosco's feeling even more suspicious of Batthwack's denial. He recalls the dragonborn's obsession with the boots, caused by a cursed axe and wonders if this flail is having a similar effect on him. Raphina casts *Detect Poison and Disease*, which gives Batthwack the all clear. He's adamant that he doesn't know what Will's talking about, but when Will conjures a *Major Image* of what they saw in book, the depiction of a crevasse full of fire, the reality of it stuns Batthwack. He slowly comes to the realisation that some of the other pictures they saw have now come true, so perhaps he cannot deny this one any more.

Rosco can't take any more; he has to get some answers for himself. He slams on the brakes and the vehicle slows very gently to an incredibly undramatic stop. He places a hand on the flail and casts *Identify*, learning that it is in fact a *Flail of the Holy Warrior*, and definitely not cursed. *"Pretty sweet flail you've got there Batthwack,"* he says. *"Pity that you had to betray a friend to get it."* Batthwack isn't sure sure what Rosco's taking about; he's lost in thought, trying to make sense of everything that's happening. The sun crests the horizon as they motor down the road towards it.

## Quotes

* Adam: *"[The RV]'s running, it's kind of vibrating a bit and there's exhaust, like clouds of, er..."* Eric: *"Yeah. You see it rising and literally eating a hole in the ozone layer."* Adam: *"Rosco is single handedly..."* Eric: *"There's just a trail, just a line, as you drive, unzipping the ozone layer, basically."* KT: *"Mustard gas!"* Eric: *"This vehicle violates the Geneva Convention."*
* Alex: *"Batthwack makes a mental note: 'I don't know what's going on'."*

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Adam. Batthwack is testing whether Will might in fact be the god Zol Berdia, by praying while subtly keeping an eye on Will to see if he responds. When Will spots Batthwack looking at him, he says pointedly, *"What?"* and Batthwack closes his eye, in lizardy fashion. Adam: *"I like to imagine that Batthwack's prayer in his mind was, 'God say what?'"*
* This week's episode description describes the Pork Fried Dice wiki as: adorable.

## Gallery

*Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice*

## References

1. ↑ Raphina stuck a tiny pair of googly eyes on Rudy. See episode 302: So Profound, and Yet So Unhelpful
2. ↑ Not "Awooga!"
3. ↑ See episode 299: Like a Zen Rake
4. ↑ See episode 314: We're Right Ear
5. ↑ See episode 284: Tusk Me In the Dick
6. ↑ Rosco got the impression that the axe was cursed when Adam rolled a nat 1 on his arcana check. See episode 286: Mustard Soup
7. ↑ Rosco's referring to the fact that his spell failed due to the fact that Batthwack considered the Coyote his ally, thus affording it a bonus on its save. See episode 314: We're Right Ear