Lick or Treat: The Ghoulish Dane of Konoha

A/N:

Welcome to the third story of Lick or Treat!

This story you’re about to read is an alternative take on how Naruto meets and gains Einstein as his pet and is not to be taken as canon to the “Einstein & Naruto series”.

Credit goes to Taren as the co-writer.

\_\_\_\_

Our story begins on October, about a week or so before Konoha’s annual ”Demon Night” celebration (think of it as their equivalent of Halloween). Naruto Uzumaki was currently on a mission, his first solo one at that, personally chosen by Lady Tsunade for the job.

“Shouldn’t be too difficult, even for a little knucklehead like you kiddo”

Naruto heard those playful words she had told him a couple of hours ago in his head, his sandal covered feet snapping the occasional twig as he walked. It wasn’t until he was out of the woods that he saw a notably large field, one filled with pumpkins that the afternoon’s sunlight shined down upon.

”Must be the place…” Naruto muttered as the pint sized, orange wearing pre-teen lightly jogged down to the pumpkin patch.

~~

After his meeting with the pumpkin patch owner was finished, Naruto now knew the full details of his mission. As it so happened, there’d been sightings of a strange animal had been seen prowling around at night. No one had gotten a close enough look to discern EXACTLY what it was, but one thing that all the sightings had in common were that this animal, whatever it was, was BIG. So big in fact, that those that owned farms feared for their livestock’s safety. Granted, the animal never actually ATTACKED anyone or even any of the livestock, but no one wanted to take any chances.

Either way, for his mission, Naruto was sent to the pumpkin patch to act as insurance, just in case the monster sized animal decided to come prowling around during the evening.

The blonde boy looked up at the setting sun as he sat on a considerably large pumpkin, proceeding to then go back looking around for any sign of a large silhouette that would even remotely look like the creature that he was to watch out for. All the while, he had only the sound of the crows overhead to keep him company. He yawned sourly as he kept looking around blandly.

*This isn't a ninja mission!* he thought to himself. This was the same kind of garbage genin work that he had already been getting before! He kicked a pumpkin in frustration. Not hard enough to break it--wouldn't do for him to destroy the things he was supposed to guard from being destroyed.

~~

A shadow crept from behind the trees, said shadow being MUCH larger than Naruto, and quadrupedal. It stopped as it saw something new in the patch where it normally walked around at night. Lifting its muzzle it took a deep whiff, and as it breathed in the scents of the air, it detected a tasty aroma coming from that young boy that was in the patch.

Well, the shadow decided to investigate this newcomer as it silently crept towards the boy sitting on the large pumpkin, its surprising capacity for stealth bellied by its size.

~~

Just as Naruto was about to slide off the pumpkin and see if he could find a better spot to look for the animal, he realized that the crows from above suddenly went silent for an inexplicable reason. In fact, everything had now become completely silent in the pumpkin patch.

He was interrupted in mid thought, however, when something huge and wet gently press itself against the top of his head and—

\*SNIFF\*

Naruto could FEEL his blonde hair being practically lifted, almost akin to being sucked up by vacuum cleaner really.

A couple of moments of this huge sniff passed before it stopped, causing the now startled boy to nearly tumble off of the pumpkin as he tried to gather his bearings.

Just as he sat himself up straight, however, he heard what sounded like panting, with the feeling of something warm breathing down the top of his head.

His pupils shrank for a moment before he slowly craned his head up to find himself looking at the inside of the panting open mouth of some sort of animal—

Upon realizing what was in the pumpkin patch, Naruto immediately slid himself off of the pumpkin and tried to make a retreat, only for the shadowy beast to vault over and land in front of the boy. Even in the shadows, Naruto could tell this THING was big, towering over him to where he barely came to the lower part of the animal’s chest. Just as he leapt back and made a hand sign, however?

“Kage Bu-“

\*\*SMACK\*\*

Naruto’s attempt to summon clones was interrupted by his vision being filled with something pink and wet pressed against the width of his whole face.

”Mmph?!”

Naruto’s muffled question was given a simple respons; that being the sensation of the big pink thing lifting him completely off the ground, his cheeks and nose being rolled up all the while.

So fast and yet powerful was this, in fact that his headband was sent flying off of his heads as soon as the the tongue flicked off of his forehead. Naruto’s butt landed on another large pumpkin behind him, causing him to wince as he used a sleeve from his jacket to wipe the slobber off.

He got to his feet, though, between his vision being obscured somewhat by the drool on his face and his knees feeling shaky from the force of the lick, his balance was, unfortunately, not too great at the moment. But it wasn’t until his foot stepped on some drool that dribbled onto the top of the pumpkin that he ultimately lost his footing completely.

\*SPLUT\*

"Uuuuuugh!" Naruto groaned, both from the slobber and his sudden collapse. "What the...hey!" He was inside a pumpkin! Essentially helpless, too; his arms weren't stuck, but his legs were now sticking out of the pumpkin's underside, unable to be moved due to the weight of the pumpkin.

He was trapped!

"Get me out of here! Someone!" he shouted, but nobody else was around. Just him, and this massive beast that had suddenly licked him!

He glared up at the animal as it, but blinked in surprise when some of the setting sun’s remaining light of the beamed down on the panting animal.

"A dog?" he asked. "I'm here to watch out for a *dog?"*

Indeed, it was a dog that Naruto was looking at, a Great Dane to be exact (explaining why the dog was so huge compared to the boy), with a grey coat that had a few dark spots on his shoulders and rib areas.

The dog barked as he sprinted over to the boy, laying himself down as he planted his forelegs on top of pumpkin Naruto was stuck in, proceeding to then slap his huge tongue on the boy’s left half of his face, thus covering both his cheek and eye at the exact same time.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Naruto shouted as the dog slurped his tongue up, dragging his cheek upward before slurping it off in a spray of drool. "Cut that out! Stop! Hey!"

The Great Dane didn't stop, however, instead he hit Naruto's whole face with a barrage of quick, slobbery slurps, each one knocking Naruto's head back a bit further as the boy flailed his arms and legs helplessly. Trapped in the pumpkin as he was, he couldn't do anything to get the dog off of him, leaving him oh-so-vulnerable to a licking!

Yet, even with his protests, the blonde boy couldn’t help but form a grin on his face between full face licks from how friendly the dog was, proving that he was the exact opposite of what the pumpkin patch owner and others initially thought him to be.

“You’re soaking me, come on!” Naruto said after the dog finished one full face lick, only for the tongue to then transition into swinging onto his right cheek, the cheek in question already covering his eye from being folded upward from just the tongue being planted on there! "

”Stahahahap!" Naruto laughed the lick slurped up his cheek and slid off, Naruto shook his head right before another lick plastered itself against his face and lifted his cheek up. "No! No! No licking!"

No sooner had that lick slurped off of his face, however, than the great dane’s giant tongue plastered itself across Naruto's whole face. Naruto's hands went stiff at the sensation and the dog dragged it up with agonizing slowness, leaving Naruto's fingers twitching helplessly as he got a front-row seat to the dog’s giant pink taste-bud-ridden tongue.

Slowly and surely the lick folded his nose and cheeks upward, his blonde hair somehow being slicked up further than they already were from the previous licks. One thing was for sure, the investigation/mission could in fact be considered a success, and from the look of things, he’d made a new friend.

Naruto just wished that it didn’t have to require this new friend to stretch his whole face with a huge, slow lick! Thankfully it ended soon after, the force of the slurp sending Naruto's head flying backwards once again with a spray of drool, but as soon as it bounced back upright the tongue was in his face again, this time slurping both of his cheeks, back and forth, each slurp lifting them high into the air and pushing his eyes shut as he helplessly wiggled his limbs.

“HEEEEEEEEEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHELP!" he yelled, a laugh making its way into the shout as he did so, but nobody came, still leaving him at the mercy of this huge dog and its even more huge tongue!

Granted at some point, someone would have to come. But for the moment, he’d have to just sit there and take a tongue bath from a Great Dane.

~~~

(*Konoha Village (*Inuzuka compound*)*

“So, let me see if I have this right…” Tsunade said as she sat in a room with Naruto and Shizune; “You’re telling me that the people in the reports that were raving about the ‘beast’ didn’t even bother to check to see if it was even dangerous? They just ASSUMED it was?”

”That’s pretty much what Naruto told me before we brought him to the Inuzukas, yes…” Shizune said; “Even just looking at him when Naruto showed me, I could tell those landowners let their imaginations run wild. It’s a good thing the pumpkin patch’s owner let Naruto bring the dog back to the village…”

Before Naruto could say anything, they were greeted by a Hana Inuzuka, the older sister of Kiba.

”He’s ready to see you three, follow me and I’ll take you to the room he’s staying in. Oh, and watch yourself Naruto, he’ll definitely be happy to see you!” The young kunoichi said with a chuckle as she opened a door into a hallway and showed the three in.

~~

After walking down a couple of hallways, they soon arrived at a door, no doubt a “kennel” that was made for unusually large dogs like the Great Dane.

As soon as the door was opened and they walked in, a familiar bark and the sound of nails clacking the floor from lightly jogging reached Naruto’s ears as he turned his head with a smile:

”Hi boy, how’re —“

*SPLAT!*

The left half of his grinning face was enveloped by a familiar tongue, his left eye unable to see as he endured a slow, agonizing, cheek folding lick from the big, grey canine.

“Well, the reports were correct about him being huge…” Tsunade said with a bemused smile as she and Shizune watched Naruto being licked.

"Come on, boy, quit it!" Naruto said, his hands panted against at the dog’s chest, all the while the dog had his head lowered to Naruto’s level as he continued to lick his face, lifting his cheeks up and throwing his head back with each slurp.

"Cut it ohohohohout!" Slobber flew with each lick, and eventually Naruto was pinned to the wall. The great dane’s tongue smothered his face again and again, causing Naruto to alternate between seeing Tsunade and Shizune and having his vision be entirely covered by a massive pink slab of meat.

"G-Granny TsuMMMMMPH! He-Help!" Naruto said between licks as each chin-to-forehead tongue swipe from the huge dog lifted him to his tiptoes over and over again.

“So… Given the mutt a name?” Tsunade asked Hana while she and Shizune watched Naruto getting slobbered by his new quadruped friend.

“Well, I decided to him after a scientist from centuries ago that came from an off land. Sort of as an ironic name given how a tad ditzy Great Danes can be… ‘Einstein’, I believe, was the scientist’s name.”

“Well… Can’t say I have a better name in mind.” Shizune said to Hana with a chuckle.

Tsunade then stepped over to the dog and his current playmate that he was licking up the wall, the woman giving Einstein a scratch behind the ears as she allowed him to continue licking the boy silly.

”Hear that Naruto? Your new friend here’s got a name…” Tsunade said to Naruto with a chuckle. However, she was forced to step back as Einstein, now with someone *else* that looked fun to play with, slurped his tongue off of Naruto's face and turned around. Rearing up onto his back legs Einstein planted his front paws on Tsunade's shoulders before he pasted his giant pink tongue onto one of her cheeks.

"L-Lady Tsunade!" Shizune squeaked, only to stop as Tsunade laughed. Einstein slurped his tongue up her face, only to begin slapping both of her cheeks back and forth with lick after lick.

"Ohohohohokay boy, okay! Good boy! Down! Down!" Tsunade said as she wrestled with Einstein, barely managing to keep herself from falling over. Turning to look at Naruto, she caught his eye as he swirled his hand around his face, his hair now returned to the slicked up look the dog gave him at the pumpkin patch.

”He's *really* friendly, isn't he?" she asked, as Einstein slapped his tongue to her cheek again and lifted it up, pushing her eye shut.

"Too friendly!" Naruto grumbled.

”Oh don’t pretend you didn’t enjoy it, I saw you grinning during one those slurps this big doofus gave you!” Tsunade said playfully as the tongue finished the lick, only to transition to Einstein plastering the width of his tongue against the left half of her face and gave her a slower yet firm lick upwards that folded the left half of her face up, her hair even getting drenched a bit ; “Blegh! Besides, with how much he likes you, he wouldn’t have gone for you first if you didn’t enjoy some affection!”

"Fine, whatever!" Naruto said, throwing up his hands. "So what do you wanna do with 'im?"

"Well, I do have an idea," Tsunade said as Einstein's tongue slurped off of her face again. She was finally able to push him down, keeping all four feet planted on the floor with a firm hand on his head. "Since you're the one that found him, and he clearly likes you...why don't *you* take him in, Naruto?"

"HUH?!" Naruto yelped.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you, boy?" Tsunade asked Einstein. The Great Dane nodded eagerly, sending his huge pink tongue flopping. "Go on, show Naruto how much you love him!"

Einstein was all too happy to oblige, and turned back to Naruto. The boy started backing up again, waving his hands frantically as he attempted to dissuade the dog. "Nuh-uh, boy!" he said. "No! Back! Down! No!"

"You can take him home when he's done with you, Naruto," Tsunade said as she, Shizune, and Hana walked out of the room. "Don't worry; we'll send you some money to help you take care of him. I’ll even make sure he’s got a nice collar!”

No sooner was the door closed, Einstein immediately rolled his tongue out, his head swinging down towards the small boy like a pendulum.

\*Smack\*

\***SCHLORP**\*

Now, Naruto couldn’t even even see out of one of his eyes, thanks to his cheek already covering his eye from Einstein planting the tongue on there and folding it from the initial impact.

It wasn’t until Einstein’s tongue started the arduous lick up that even more of the skin was being pushed up.

~~~

(*One week later*)

Naruto was at his apartment, having, finishing up with getting dressed in a costume for Demon Night. More specifically, he decided to go as an oni, complete with small plastic horns, a loincloth being the cloth on him, and a club.

“Good thing I got Einstein dressed first…” Naruto muttered to himself as he looked himself over; “Well, time show my dog how I look before we go out.”

He walked over to where he'd put Einstein in his apartment, opening the door to the bathroom. "Hey, Einstein!" he said. "How do I look?"

Einstein himself had been dressed before Naruto had gotten dressed himself. It had taken a while, especially as the dog had been dead-set on licking him silly throughout the entire process, but when all was said and done (and Naruto had wiped all of the slobber off of his face), Einstein had had a huge sheet laid over him. With holes cut for his eyes and ears, Einstein looked like a ghost, though his tail still stuck up from behind it. The dog trotted over to sniff Naruto, checking out his costume, before he looked up at him and boofed appreciatively.

"Pretty good, huh?" Naruto grinned. "And I made it all by myself, too!"

The part of the sheet in front of Einstein's mouth suddenly lifted and a giant pink tongue took its place, slapping onto Naruto's entire face as Einstein voiced his approval of Naruto's costume with yet another slobbery lick of his. Naruto was lifted to his tiptoes as Einstein's tongue dragged from his chin to his forehead, before he staggered backwards as it finally slurped off.

“Hahahaha!" Naruto swirled his hand around his face and laughed. "Glad you like it! You ready to show the rest of the village your costume?"

Einstein barked excitedly, and Naruto grinned . "Good! Then let's go! That candy's not gonna get itself, believe it!"

~~

Demon Night had officially begun for boy and dog as soon as they left the apartment.

At the moment, Naruto was keeping the dog on a leash clipped onto the great dane’s red collar from under the sheet, not wanting the dog to wander off.

The dog took some time to sniff the air at the different scents before he proceeded to do what Great Danes with small owners were want to do:

Crane his neck down to Naruto’s level while they were walking, and start the first of many licks that were to come on their walk through the village.

\*Schlurp\*

Naruto’s nose crinkled, but nonetheless he smirked as he felt the skin of his left cheek being rolled up by Einstein’s tongue.

”Stooooooop!" he said playfully as his eye was pushed shut by his dog's tongue. He pushed Einstein away and turned to face him as he stopped walking. "We've got candy to get, I don't have time for you to lick me!"

Einstein responded to this with another huge chin-to-forehead slurp that once again lifted Naruto to his tiptoes. As Naruto watched Einstein's taste-bud ridden tongue drag up his face, he tried not to be embarrassed as he heard laughter from other people around him. As the tongue stretched out his forehead like taffy, Naruto grimaced playfully. Finally, Einstein's tongue slurped off of his face in a spray of drool and Naruto wiped his face off as he grinned right before Einstein’s tongue planted itself on his bare chest and slid up from there to under his jaw with just enough force to throw his head back.

“Alright, fine… Just… Nothing that’ll lift me off my feet, okay?” Naruto asked as he used a forearm to wipe the saliva off his jaw, neck and chest.

As continued to walk, Einstein continued where he left off, giving a barrage of smaller, but still quick and skin rolling licks to his left cheek. Each lick knocked Naruto's head to the side, and he heard more laughter around him, but eventually, as Einstein tilted his head to the side with another cheek-rolling lick, through one eye Naruto saw a familiar pink-haired girl coming his way.

"Hey there Naruto!”

It was his teammate, Sakura Haruno, clad in a wolf girl costume (fake ears, tail, and suit) for the night.

As she walked up and got closer, she noticed her blonde teammate being currently slurped repeatedly, placing her hands on her hips with an amused smile forming on her face.

”I see you brought your new dog with you, from what Shizune told me, he likes you quite a bit…”Sakura said as she watched the Great Dane continue licking the much smaller boy.

“Yeah… Doesn’t know his own strength someti-URGH!”

Naruto’s eye was once again covered by another lick, the Great Dane’s tongue folding the skin of his cheek upwards and tilting his head both upwards and to the side. Thankfully, still not to the point of lifting him off his feet.

This time, Sakura had to cover her mouth to stifle giggles as her teammate was given a slurp slower and more forcible than the last one. "You know," she said, "I thought that Lady Tsunade might have been messing with me when she told me how big he was, but I guess she was right!"

"A--mmph! Little--mmph! Help! mmmmmph! Here! mMMMMMMMPH!" Naruto said, each word being separated by a huge chin-to-forehead lick that covered his entire face and lifted him onto his tiptoes before slurping off in more sprays of drool. As he staggered away from the most recent tongue-swipe, Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Okay, okay, fine, I'll get him to let you dry off, first." Einstein used a foreleg to pull Naruto closer to him, keeping the boy pressed against his chest.

The Great Dane barked happily as he reached his head down and quick but firm Dane sized licks on the boy’s right cheek, folding the skin up each time as the dog slurped his smaller companion.

Sakura couldn’t help but cover her mouth to stifle laughter as she walked up to the boy currently being slurped silly, unable to escape his dog’s affectionate licks. “Alright big boy, I know the little guy probably tastes good but let him have him some breathing room already!” Sakura said as she stood on her top toes to wrap her arms around the great dane’s long and lean, yet muscular neck to get the dog to hopefully stop. Pulling, her own great strength allowed her to pull Einstein away from Naruto. However, as she did, Einstein turned his head her direction, then swung it!

SPLAT!

"Eep!" Sakura squeaked in surprise as Einstein's gigantic pink tongue dragged sideways along one of her cheeks, dragging her cheek along with it as it stretched out. It finally slurped off, and Sakura staggered backwards. "Hehehehe! Wow, that's some tongue!" she said as she wiped her face. Even as her hand left her cheek, however, Einstein was advancing on her, too, and his sheet once again got lifted as his gigantic tongue swung upward and splatted onto Sakura's entire face, dragging up it from her chin to her large forehead and stretching it out to the bargain. Sakura was lifted to her tiptoes by the force of the lick, and as it slurped off in a spray of drool she staggered backwards again, gasping.