SCP-CABBAGE-J

**Item #:** SCP-CABBAGE-J

**Object Class:** Safe

**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-CABBAGE-J is kept within a temperature controlled locker at Site-77. The keys to this locker are available on written request from the Site Director for strict research purposes only.

**Description:** SCP-CABBAGE-J is a white cabbage of the *Brassica Oleracea* family. It is exactly 5kg in weight, with a diameter of 406.4mm, and is green in color. SCP-CABBAGE-J shows no signs of decay nor rot despite it's age. It is otherwise unremarkable in appearance outside that of a typical cabbage.

Anomalous effects of SCP-CABBAGE-J manifest when a male humanoid subject who is in a state of natural arousal picks up SCP-CABBAGE-J.
A hole will appear within SCP-CABBAGE-J equal to the depth and circumference of the subject's fully erect penis, allowing for penetration of SCP-CABBAGE-J by the subjects sexual organs.

Upon engaging in coitus with SCP-CABBAGE-J, through use of this hole, both SCP-CABBAGE-J, and the subject, will vanish from sight, re-appearing once the subject has reached orgasm or disengages with SCP-CABBAGE-J. Aftercare is at the discretion of the subject.

Subjects who have enacted this procedure have noted no differences in the world around them once they vanish from view and are able to walk around and interact with other objects as one would expect under normal circumstances. However any deviation from the interaction required by SCP-CABBAGE-J to maintain this state, regardless of how slight, will render the effect inert. And everyone will know what they did.

Testing has proved this phenomenon only works when subject is physically aroused ,or can maintain arousal, by SCP-CABBAGE-J, possesses a natural attraction to root vegetables or is Welsh born. Through currently undiscovered means SCP-CABBAGE-J is able to detect if a subject is unwilling and/or being forced to perform on SCP-CABBAGE-J or if the substance Sildenafil is being used to generate a simulated reaction.

## Testing log below:

```
**Interviewer 1:** Alright for the record D████ now has SCP-CABBAGE-J in-front of them. They have been given a number of tasks to attempt while [pause and sigh] performing and I am relatively confident that the footage of this test shall be buried deep within the foundations archives. Deep, deep down.

```

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**Interviewer 2:** D████ are you ready to proceed?
**D████**: Um...

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**Interviewer 1:** D████ You were informed of what we expected you to do and you agreed, are you now uncomfortable with this?

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**D████**: Oh no, it's not that, it's a very lovely cabbage but, you know, I tend to work up to cabbage see, have you got anything like an eggplant or something?

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**Interviewer 2:** [Speaking quietly] Are we honestly going to have to get this guy a fluffier vegetable.

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**Interviewer 1:** Alright, test halted until we can [sigh] find something to arouse the subject.

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**[Interview resumes twenty minutes later]**

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**Interviewer 1:** Subject D████ is now [sigh] enjoying a butternut squash and is ready to proceed.

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**D████:** Alright, let me just get [EXPLETIVE DELETED].

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**Interviewer 2:** Oh God! He's actually doing it.
**D████:** This is...oh my...what is...this is not...oh...OH...ARHH..AHHHHHH [EXPLETIVE DELETED]

```

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**Interviewer 1:** Subject D████ has now vanished from view.

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**Interview resumed twelve minutes and eight seconds later**

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**Interviewer 1:** Subject has now re-appeared. D████ are able to explain what happened?
**D████:** Oh I uhh....I've never [heavy breathing] I'm sorry you never told me it would be so....my, my, can we do this every day?

```

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**Interviewer 2:** This is not where I expected my career to end up.

```

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**Interviewer 1:** Subject did not complete any tasks given, I am now suspending test and returning D████ to his containment cell.

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**D████:** Can I keep the cabbage?

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**Interviewer 1:** Absolutely not!

```

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[**Interview suspended**]

```

## **Acquirement History:**

SCP-CABBAGE-J came into the possession of the foundation after it was mailed directly to Dr █████ ████████ at Site-██ in a small FedEx box with a note attached. Security originally believed SCP-CABBAGE-J to be a joke and due to a clerical error it was discarded and forgotten about for █ years in closet off the mail room at Site-██. All staff involved in this error have since been ████████████. SCP-CABBAGE-J was only re-discovered and classified after incident CABBAGE-01.

## **Addendum 1:** Incident CABBAGE-01

All records relating to the incident known as CABBAGE-01 have now been expunged. Any personnel with knowledge of the events prescribed as CABBAGE-01 are to report for amnestic treatment, and any personnel caught discussing events of CABBAGE-01 will be terminated immediately.

-O5 ██

## **Addendum 2:** Transcript of the note attached to SCP-CABBAGE-J upon arrival at Site-██

**Dearest Sir**

Thank-you for your recent purchase of the Deluxo Model C. This device has been suitably enhanced for your pleasure and comes with our standard lifetime guarantee. As per your request the additional Incognito mode has been included, this will prevent interruption or observation during use.

The Model C is the most popular and classic toy from our Vegan Extreme range and has a 6+ on the Mary Sue satisfaction scale. Start with the Model C and consider purchasing the Model F, or the truly gigantic Model P, for a totally fulfilling experience. Choose from our range of realistic toys or try our new glass range for temperature play.

Each model is 100% safe and will even self-clean upon use, allowing multiple occupants to use the model without fear of contamination.
Consider subscribing to our mailing list to appreciate the full range of models as we expand our operations into the [DATA EXPUNGED] .
From Sinister: A family company.