Unloading

**Disembarking**is a scene wherein guests get off the boat.

## Description

[Text.]

[Text.]

This scene takes place on the Amazon, after returning to Civilization, and out onto the Unload Dock.

## Spiel

### Normal

Be sure to come back and see us again, if you have the courage!

Look down and watch your step. Step lively; the boat is sinking.

#### **Roping Off the Boat**

Before you exit, we're going to rope off the boat, so please remain seated until the rope is completely taut. Be patient. You know how hard it is to teach a rope these days.

[The skipper who's roping off the boat pretends to place the rope on a guest.] No, no, not there! I don't want them hanging around all day! Boy, what a noose-ance.

#### **Pulling a Two**

It looks like we're going to do the famous "Jungle Double!" Don't panic, you won't have to go around again. It means you get to see an extra twenty-seven feet of dock, two more hanging plants, and a few very nice highlights. If you'll notice waaaaaay up there...those are some pretty high lights! It takes a ladder just to change the bulb!

See how the skippers on the dock are holding up two fingers? That means we have to go around again. [The skipper takes a deep breath, then begins their spiel all over again. After a moment, they notice that the audience is unamused.] Not interested? The jokes get much funnier the third time around!

#### **Stand Up**

You've been outstanding on the boat, but now, I need you out-standing on the dock.

When I count to three, everyone stand up.

* Three!
* The last one standing is a baby hippo. Ready? One...two...four! Wow. Look at all the baby hippos!

If you don't stand up, you'll have to go again!

* [If the audience stands:] I knew that'd work!
* ...and this time, I'll tell really corny jokes!

Everybody up, now! Off your seats, on your feets, out to those Magic Kingdom streets!

Rise like bread, folks! No loafing around! I know my jokes are stale and crummy, and I could probably do butter, but it's the yeast I can do on the sour-dough I make--and believe me, I knead the dough.

* I suppose I get my rye sense of humor from my father. He's Danish. I was born under a croissant moon, and I used to be the toast of the town--in the upper crust--until one day, I got spread too thin.
* Hey, where are you going?! I'm on a roll! Oh, well. I guess you gotta jam.
* Come back tomorrow and I'll tell you about my pet bagel. He's pure-bread, but I named him Muffin. I taught him to heel.

#### **Exit Carefully**

Watch your step as you exit. If you feel faint, don't hesitate to throw your arms around the necks of the unloaders. That's ladies only, please!

Watch your step, watch your head, and if you bump your head, watch your language.

[If it's raining:] Watch your step. The dock is made of hickory, and when it gets wet, it's a slippery hickory dock.

Don't exit through the window! It's a shattering experience! A real pane! Why, it could be curtains for you! I shutter at the thought!

Exit the boat the same way you entered. On second thought, no pushing or shoving this time.

Be careful around back! Don't touch the engine. It's hot. I stole it last night. If you get your fingerprints on it, you may have to take the heat for it. Even though you didn't steel it, the coppers might thing you did, and we'd have to iron out the whole thing. Trust me, don't metal.

If your feet get wet as you leave the boat, you've probably gone out the wrong side. Jump back in and try again.

#### **Applause**

[If the audience applauds:]

* Please, don't. It makes me homesick. My wife does that when I leave the house in the morning.
* Don't! Stop! Don't! Stop! Don't stop. Please, don't stop. It's all I have.

[If the audience doesn't applaud enough:] I was gonna ask you to keep your applause to a minimum, but I see you already have. Thanks for that!

#### **Flattery**

You've been the best crew I've ever had, and I mean that every time I say it.

Of all the passengers I've taken into the jungle, you guys have definitely been...

* ...the most recent.
* ...one of them.

#### **My Name is...**

Our time together is finally coming to an end. I'm Skipper [the skipper's name], and I'd like to thank you for adventuring with me today.

If you enjoyed your time here, my name is [the skipper's name].

* If not, my name is [another name].
* If not, well...names really aren't important, are they?

You've been great! I've been [Name]--unless you didn't like it, in which case, I'm Ben Franklin--and has been the World Famous Jungle Cruise!

#### **Signing Off**

Congratulations, everyone; you've just survived the World Famous *Jungle Cruise*.

Okay, everyone! Get out! [Pause.] I'm sorry, that was rude. ***Please*** get out.

Aren't you gonna say "goodbye" after all we've been through together?

Take care, take it easy, but most of all, take the kids. If you don't want them, neither do we, and probably for the same reasons.

* If you do leave them here, after thirty days, they become property of the Walt Disney Company, and we send 'em over to *it's a small world*, staple their sneakers to the floor, and teach 'em that song in ten different languages. Then, when they get too big, we make 'em *Jungle Cruise* skippers! Story of my life.
	1. Clockboy: STOP!! NO MORE!!
* Yeah, my mom told me twenty years ago that she was going to get us some ice cream. If you see a lady out there with two empty waffle cones and melted ice cream down both arms, tell her the joke is over; I'm ready to go now.

I've enjoyed taking you all around the jungle rivers of the world, and I hope you've enjoyed being taken.

I'd like to thank you all for joining me out in the jungle. I'd also like to thank my legs for always supporting me, my arms for always being by my side, my fingers and toes, whom I can always count upon, my spine for always having my back, my back for always being so flexible with me, my shoulders for always being there for me to cry on, my chest for always being so close to my heart, my heart for going on, and my hips for never lying to me. I'd also like to thank my eyes for looking out for me, and for seeing me through the hard times, my ears for always listening to me, and for hearing me out...but I don't wanna thank my nose, because it smells. Did you know that the nose is actually the most overlooked feature of the face?

Thanks, everybody! Be careful; it's a jungle out there! ...oh, wait, it's in here.

Bye-bye, now! Come back and see me again when you have the courage!

I hope you had a good time, here, on *the Jungle Cruise*. I had such a good time, I'm gonna go around again! ...and again. ...and again. ...and again.

Enjoy the rest of your day here in the Magic Kingdom!

One last thing: always remember...

* ...I forgot.
* ...that way, you never forget!

#### ***Jingle Cruise***

*Main article: Jingle Cruise*

It's time to make like Santa and leave my presence! By that, I mean anything you leave behind will be considered a present. Except children. They'll be re-gifted to *it's a small world*.

Thank you for joining me today. You've reminded me what it's like to be with my family during the holidays...except your all smiling, and I'm not at the kids' table.

Thanks for visiting *the Jingle Cruise*. Feel free to ride again; our Return Line is always short!

Happy holidays, everyone, and if you don't celebrate the holidays...

* ...then happy [day of the week].
* ...boy, how about this weather?
* ...then happy...existence. Life is beautiful, and so are you.