Night of the Ghost Rider

Night of the Ghost Rider is the twenty fourth chapter in the Wombles Eight.

Teresa Lisbon was staring at the green eyes.  The green eyes looked back without blinking.  Lisbon was lost in thought for some time before the eyes started rising upwards.  She followed them with hers until the green eyes were replaced by grey.

“Staring won’t help” said James Bond.  He was holding Venus’ severed head.  The head didn’t look so good now it had been off the body for so long.  It was starting to dry out with the skin discoloured. “Can you help?” Lisbon asked Bond smiling invitingly.  She was helplessly attracted to him.  Really it was just Bond’s spectral power to make women fall in love with him.

Lisbon had no idea of that. All she knew was that Bond was so perfect and hunky, or so she thought.  Bond replied smiling back, revelling in the power he had over the police chief.  “Actually yes” he said.  “And? What have you got?” Lisbon asked. “The DNA check came back with an exact match” Bond said now sounding serious.  “Tara Keel.  Her DNA all over the body and head” he finished.

“Good work!  Let’s get a SWAT team ready and bust her!” Lisbon enthused.  “Unless you want to go for Quinzel?” suggested Bond.  “Good point but shouldn’t we bring in Batman?  He’s the one who sent her up the river in Gotham.” Lisbon replied.  Bond made a face before answering “He’s a vigilante!  We can’t put the law in anybody’s hands.  Least of all a violent, sociopath like him!”.

Lisbon just nodded. She wanted to argue but Bond’s hold on her was unbreakable.  “I’ll call the coroner to get the test results on Sir Miles” she said.  Bond looked at the time.  It was near nightfall.  Quickly he left and jumped onto his Triumph, roaring noisily away.

Left Alone at Scotland Yard, Lisbon called the Coroner’s Office.  Face answered.  “Hello?” he snapped.  “You? You’re the Official Tiger Feeder aren’t you?” Lisbon asked.  “And Coroner thanks to our wonderful PM!” he replied sarcastically.  “I was going to ask about the results on Sir Miles but if it’s too late” started Lisbon.  “Late? I work late every day!  Every night!  Why not join the party?” replied Face.

“Well you did force all of us ladies to date you or be insulted by you!” Lisbon snapped.  “OK I guess I deserved a lesson but it’s gone too far now.  Anyway Sir Miles was killed by a certain.  Ahem actually I’ve lost the results!  Goodbye!” said Face.  Lisbon just shrugged.  It was all she expected from a chauvinist like Peck.

At the Coroners Office James Bond was screaming out of his skeletal mouth sucking Face’s soul out of his body.  “I know I did some things that are bad but I really am sorry!” Face shouted.  “Nobody else can help me but” he continued but was cut short.  Suddenly the wall exploded.  Hannibal, BA, Murdock, lots of tigers, TCUB and the Muscle Crew burst in shouting in unison.  (The tigers just roared.)

“When nobody else can help you, you need” they said before Face joined in with “The A Team!”  Bond kept sucking out Face’s soul but something was wrong.  The soul came out but not into his mouth, or skull at least.  Bond looked around and one side of him BA was holding up a big electric fan with his Muscle Crew.  On the other side was Murdock holding a glass tube with Face’s screaming soul. Hannibal just looked smut and said “I love it when a plan comes together!”

The ghostly Bond turned to Hannibal who added “And the plan is to run!”  The Muscle Crew grabbed the ghastly looking Face who was clinging on to a folder.  They all fled outside into Murdock’s helicopter.  The screaming Bond chased them below on his twisted Triumph bike. A great fiery chain was swung at the chopper.  It just missed as the rescue party flew to safety while Bond found other souls to damn.

Hannibal took the folder from Face who looked dead yet somehow barely alive.  “What have you got Face?” he asked.  Face just made a strange groan.  “Fool!” shouted BA “He’s a zombie!  He can’t talk no more!”  “Unless we restore his soul” added TCUB.  Murdock held up the glass tube.  Inside the image of Face was talking.  Murdock put his ear to the glass and a tiny voice said “The folder.  It’s the evidence for Sir Miles’ murder.”

“WHO KILLED HIM?” boomed back Murdock.  Everything was super-loud for Face’s soul in the tube.  “Bond, James Bond” replied Face’s soul looking in horror as Zombie Face tried to eat his own hand.  BA punched Zombie Face to stop him.  Zombie Face did stop but only because his head fell off.

Tomsk caught it. “Eurgh!” he said then threw it out of the helicopter.  The head landed in front of Clark Kent who immediately grabbed it for an exclusive story. “You fool!  Now he doesn’t have a head!” said BA holding Zombie Face’s arms to stop him pulling off his own foot.

“He needs a new name” said TCUB “Let’s call him Neck”.  Hannibal read the file.  “We need to take this to Chief Lisbon” he commanded.  Murdock changed course for Scotland Yard.  It didn’t take long to arrive there.

Clark was already there talking to Lisbon.  “So how are the murder investigations going Chief Lisbon?” he asked.  “We have a suspect for the murder of Mrs King and plans are in motion to capture Miss Quinzel” replied Lisbon non-commitally.

“What about the killing of the Official Tiger Feeder?” ask Clark.  “I didn’t know he was dead!  Did you kill him?” replied Lisbon with a steely look.  “No!  Of course not!  I’m” started Clark then stopped before revealing his identity.  “You’re what?” asked Lisbon.  “Bringing you this” said Clark.  He gave her Face’s head.  “Great! Another head for my collection! I’ll put it next to Sir Miles. That will look really pretty! You’re under arrest for the murder of” Lisbon ranted before something stopped her.

The A Plus Team burst in with Zombie Neck and Face’s Soul.  “Don’t be a fool Miss Lisbon!” shouted BA.  “Kent’s innocent” said Hannibal.  “He had his soouul sucked out by somebody fiendish!  Oooh ha ha ha!” said Murdock.

“Really” replied Lisbon in a fed-up, sarcastic tone “and who did that?”.  “Bond!” revealed TCUB.  “James Bond” added Hannibal handing her the file on Sir Miles.  Lisbon read it and turned pale.  “OK get me a TV conference Kent.  We’re putting out APBs on Bond, Tara Keel and Quinzel”.  “Can I write about that as an exclusive?” asked Clark. “Sure but do one thing in return” replied Lisbon.  “Name it” said Clark.

“Get me Superman” said Lisbon.  “No problem Ma’am” replied Clark but Lisbon hadn’t finished.  “And I want Superman to get Batman!  Superman for Bond and Keel, Batman to get Quinzel.”  “Right away!” said Clark running out into the night.

“Muscle Crew!  You’re my new SWAT team.  BA you’re the Captain!” Lisbon said firmly.  “You heard the Chief!  Get you uniforms!” shouted BA to his crew.  Murdock, the tigers, TCUB, Hannibal, Zombie Neck, Face’s head and Face’s Soul left to find Harry Potter in the hope he could fix Face.