All the Little Ants

*Froggie went a courtin' and when he did ride, DANGER must surely follow. Our heroes find themselves in the good graces and iron clutches of one Mr. Scrum Fabulous, the gadabout flycatcher and never not plotting crime lord of Soaking Valley. What choice will they make regarding his offer they can't refuse? Must all reunions be brief? Must all goodbyes be Irish? Answers inside!*

Episode 10 of Rude Tales of Magic. The party goes to meet with Scrum Fabulous while enjoying his bizarre hospitality.

## Summary

The party is led to Scrum’s Pad by Scrum Fabulous himself. They reach a cave guarded by a troll, only for Scrum to speak the magic words that reveal it to be a beautiful manor guarded by a handsome troll. They are led inside to his massive birthday party being held in his lair/home/bar. A caged, beautiful creature descends from the ceiling and sings a song dedicated to Scrum’s glory, but since the party isn’t wowed by it, Scrum has her destroyed. Scrum asks them to wait while he handles some business in the back, offering them to enjoy the festivities. The party starts to drink with the bartender Wizardly while Stirfry flaunts his freedom from de Bonesby.

Wizardly explains that Scrum keeps many rooms for many pleasures in his upper floors, but that some rooms are reserved for his private business dealings. Realizing that he keeps his prisoners on the second floor, the party splits up. Albee uses a rope to climb one of the cages containing a pleasure golem, only to botch her jump and land in the wrong window. She encounters an elf awaiting an affair. Disappointed that Albee is not the other half of the affair, she points out where she last saw Albee’s parents. The rest of the party keeps interrupting, only to disappoint her repeatedly.

The party runs through many doors trying to figure out which is the one they need, encountering strange sights until they finally find her parents. They are delighted to see her, assuming she was dead. Albee’s mother claims that she always suspected Albee’s survival due to the absence of evidence or reason behind her death, but they still don’t remember Polaris University or anything beyond Albee and Cordelia. As Stirfry returns from his impromptu affair, Albee’s family reveals that they are magically bound to Scrum’s Pad and cannot leave without Scrum’s permission.

A warrior enters the bar, having killed Scrum’s troll and sending the patrons into a panic. Frederick tries to convince him to help them free the prisoners, but the warrior shows no interest in anything but killing Scrum. Scrum emerges and confidently toys with the warrior while giving Frederick their mission needed to free Albee’s parents: they must head to Scrum North, a keep to the north where bandits have been raiding one of his properties, and bring back the bandit leader’s head. Frederick tells everyone the news and they say goodbye to Albee’s family before making their escape. Amidst the mayhem, the party passes by Wizardly’s corpse. Cordelia tries to place two of her demonic coins on each of his eyes, but Cheddar appears to her and scolds her for being too generous with his discounts.

The party leaves Scrum’s Pad, only to find that the cops are raiding the area and arresting those fleeing the illusory cave. With their new task at hand, they agree to head north.

## Trivia

* The episode features a song performed in Scrum's honor. According to the show notes, Ben Kling arranged and produced *Scrum's Theme* with Rachel Wenitsky singing. The words and melody were originally done by Tim Platt and Branson Reese.

## Link

https://rudetalesofmagic.simplecast.com/episodes/all-the-little-ants