Keemstar's New Life Part 1

DJ Killer Keemstar In The Hood's Diary Entry #1:

I'm moving into a new neighborhood to hide from all the haters. I moved to a new planet called Planet #69E420R360BO21H Ew, wtf. Anyways, no one can handle that I run this world, so I hope everyone likes me here. I'm changing my fucking name too. It's not gonna be DramaAlert no more. Imma call it, Package of NOOSE Alert!

I love you diary. You are my only friend

                                                                   - KILLER KEEMSTARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Daniel Keem was walking down the street. It was its first day on this new planet. However, he accidentally bumped into Michael Jackson. Michael told him to watch where he was going, but Keem wasn't having none of that. He responded with, "I don't believe in ghosts, and I don't believe that hair!" Then, Michael Jackson yelled, "TEEHEE," so loud that Keem ran away, drowning in tears. When he went home, he started the first episode of Package of NOOSE Alert!

"LET'S GET ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIT INTO THE NOOSE!"

"Our story for today is coming from Dinosaursblood32! He says that he fucking hated the Presidential Primary Debate Rap Battle! WTF! IS HE INSANE!!!!!!!!!!! Anyways, that's all the time we have for today, ladies and gentlemen, subscribe or I will ruin your life!"

He went to bed, but then he was awoken at 4:20 in the morning. His phone notified him every time he got comments and subscribers on Youtube, with a tune that sounded like, "YOUR STONE FACE ON RUSHMORE AIN'T NOTHING!" He checked it, and it said LegoThorTheGreatOfScandinavia22 commented on his video, PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE! PEWDIEPIE, DINOSAURSBLOOD32! He said, "Cringiest video ever." Keem knew he had to do something. He replied with, "YOU SLANDERED ME! I'M GONNA SUE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Thor replied with, "I'm gonna make a video now." Keemstar went to sleep. When he woke up at 25:00 in the morning due to the planet's clock system that goes up to 50:00, he saw that he had 2 subscribers. They were from HitlerTheDopeOnTheMic2 and WarioStalin69096. He also got 1 comment on his video. It was from BeethovenTheRealOG1113, which said, "I would smack you, but in America, we don't hit little girls."  Keem was heartbroken, and replied with, "You threatened me! Added to the lawsuit!" He tried to go shopping at M5 Industries, until the Mythbusters came and said, "You're an idiot, and that's confirmed!" The Mythbusters then got their truck ready and chased Daniel out of the building. Daniel just managed to escape the building. He went home and checked his feed, when he found out he got a new subscriber named YeezyUpInAzizyEZPZ3Z. He was happy. NooseNation now had 3 subscribers! His video also got liked by a user named Nathan65MatingSeason. He commented saying, "Do Jonathan Crane vs Frank Sinatra." Keem said to himself, "I'm not fucking ERB! YOU FUCKING NIGGER." Then, he walked to the Cosmos to meet Neil deGrasse Tyson when he stumbled upon Medusa. Keem said, "Damn bitch, you ugly as hell son." Medusa stared at Keemstar, but it did nothing. Then, William Wallace kicked him out of the Cosmos. He went back to his house. This was his 2nd day on this planet. He checked his channel, which now had 5 subscribers! They were from BiographyWagglingSalad666 and AntiGravityRobot. He yelled, "I HAVE 5 SUBSCRIBERS ON YOUTUBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE," so loud that Michael Jackson slapped him in the ass. He decided to make another video.

"LET'S GET ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIT INTO THE NOOSE!"

"Our story for today is coming from Boron KKK, who made a video recently roasting XxLoud\_MickerxX. We have both KKK and LM here to debate.

"First off, what is all the drama about?"

KKK: "I think that LM is a pedophile, because I was at their house the other night and found a pair of extra small pants on their head."

Keem: "Ew WTF. Are you crazy LM?"

LM: "First of all, shut the fuck up Keemstar. You're a shit YouTuber, and only the worst people on the planet like your videos. Second, They were not extra small, K."

KKK: "Don't call me that!"

LM: "LET ME FINISH! Anyways, they were medium, so stop with the false pedo allegations."

KKK: "I swear to god LM, if you do that one more time, I will---"

Keem: "Ladies and gentlemen, that's all the time we have for today! If you enjoyed the video, make sure to like it. Let's shoot for 1 like. NooseNation now over 5 subscribers."

He decided to call the video, "BORON KKK VS XXLOUD\_MICKERXX DEBATE! PEDO ALLEGATIONS! PEWDIEPIE, MEDIUM PANTS!"

Keem was happy. His video beat his 1 like goal by 1. He had 2 likes on the video, and he gained 1 subscriber. It was SpielbergTheAcadameyAndDGARocker45. Someone named ConneryTheCunningLinguist commented on his video said, "Fuck you." He was sad. He went to sleep.

He woke up. He was excited to see how his 3rd day would go. He left the house to eat because he was hungry. He though to himself, "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse." Then, out of nowhere, a horse appeared and trotted away. Keem was shocked. He was confused. Was this just a coincidence? Does he have superpowers? Is this just a lazy set up that the write created for something? Who knows. But then, he accidentally thought of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man! He kicked Keemstar, and Keem landed back in his house, no longer with powers. His head landed right next to his phone, which was at full volume. Before he had a chance to get up, it played, "YOUR STONE FACE ON RUSHMORE AIN'T NOTHING!" It was from LumpTheWiener666666666. He subscribed to Keem's channel! He decided to make another video.

"LET'S GET ROOOOOOOOOOIT INTO THE NOOSE!"

"Our story for today is from AssyMcGeeTheAssassin3371. He had some beef with another YouTuber earlier today. They disagreed on whether or not an ERB by the name of "George RR Martin vs JRR Tolkien" was good. Assy said it was bad, and even called the other guy, who is named Owin Websters or something like that, a "liar," and a, "fucking cockfag dickface cumsucking dicklicking fucksneeze dickhead shitbrained cocksucker!" He also told Owin to go kill himself! Right now, I have both of them on right now to debate."

Gnome: Assy, what are your thoughts on Owin Webster?

Assy: Well, Gnomestar. Thanks for having me on the show. Anyways, I think he is a fucking liar. I hope he hangs himself in his own fucking closet with a fucking yard sale rope. I never once said that he couldn't force what Ifucking like or some shit. He's a fucking dick twisting my words around. He's just a little kid who can't fucking spell "can't" right.

Gnome: OK, then. Umm.... Owin, your thoughts?

Owin: i think assy is a fucking hypocrite. he says opinion is assumed online but in the process tell me that I ca't force him to like something. he goes on assuming shit because he thought the battle was bad. He doesn't know whether I'm a fan or not. I said I THOUGHT the battle was good.

Assy: First of all, how the fuck am I a hypocrite. As stated before, I never once said that you couldn't force me to like something. I just cannot stress how much of a fucking dumbass you are. I swear if I ever see you in real life, I will fucking rip out your throat and ----

Gnome: HOLY SHIT! \*eats popcorn\* God damn.

Assy: Let me finish, ya fucking gnome looking rat! I will rip out your throat, and shove it up your dick so hard that Michael Jackson will hear it and slap your ass so hard you'll want to hide back in your mothers womb!

Owin: Obvious troll is obvious.

Assy: How the fuck am I a troll? Honestly, you're one of the most retarded people I've ever met! And yes, I remember Dinowolf!

Owin: You said you hate GoT, but you named yourself after a character? Fucking hypocrite.

Assy: I said that to try to get you to shut up. Obviously didn't work.

Owin: You don't fucking deserve a good day.

Assy: You're a fucking horse-looking beaver.

Owin: WTF does that even mean?

Assy: I will fucking burn your family until they're nothing but ash!

Owin: You're taking this way too personally.

Assy: Yeah. I guess I did go a bit overboard there m8.

Gnome: Ladies and gentlemen, that's all the time we have for today. Tune in next time! If you enjoyed the video, slap that like button. Let's shoot for 1 like. NooseNation now over 13 subscribers.

To be continued when I make part 2.