James Holes

this is what the looks like

**James "Jimmy" "Jimbo" "Jimin" "Gargoyle" "Waxeater" "Jimbus" Holes IX** is a famous Twitch streamer and stand-up comedian, known primarily for their leading role on BigHoles as its only member as well as for minor appearances on Youtube channels Dude Perfect and Markiplier. They have big plans, far too large for your feeble mind to fathom.

James is prone to occasional bouts of ravenous hunger, during which they will begin leaping on all fours like an angry chimpanzee towards the nearest source of unprocessed grain (often grain silos.)

James carries a satchel on their person which contains a seemingly unlimited supply of granola bars.

## Comedy Career

James first received online publicity after a recording of one of their stand-up shows went viral. In an interview, James described the insignificance of the event at the time, saying they “could never have expected [their] little side hustle to become something so big.” Then they unhinged their jaw and devoured the interviewer.

While the show itself had modest attendance, the video—recorded by an unknown audience member—received praise from many prominent figures, and jumpstarted James’ career. The show itself was commended for its brave use of silence, since, in a move still considered unorthodox, James did not speak a single time during the show's four hour runtime, instead opting to stare into the souls of the crowd and wordlessly condemn their choices.

## Skills

James Holes can speak Latin and communicate simple ideas to beasts that are within 100 feet of them. They are thoughtful and especially adept at picking out gifts for people, since they killed Santa Claus in 2009 and have been impersonating him ever since.

## Scientific Experimentation

James created a cloning device to duplicate themself. Their exact motivations for doing this remain unknown, although they said they wanted to paint them yellow so they could "be like Gru and enslave yellow people." Then they went on a 45 minute tirade about how *Minions: The Rise of Gru* wasn't accurate to the "real Minions lore." Many of the clones that resulted from the genetic duplication process are defective and have been exiled to the depths of the Megaplex, though some ended up being perfect imitations. James locked the clones that were too similar to them in their cellar to avoid causing confusion.

## Personal Life

James was born an orphan and lived on the streets during much of their youth. They were just a poor kid with nothing but the clothes on their back, until those clothes got stolen by a pack of feral hyenas. Eventually, through petty theft, they climbed the ranks of a local gang and, when they were old enough, superseded their leader. Although James did their best to rule fairly, it was impossible to avoid making enemies. It was the middle of the night when six thugs from a rival gang burst into their bedroom, the sound of the door flying off its hinges jolting them awake. The group circled their bed, readying their guns to eviscerate them. But James had prepared for this moment. In bed with them were their prized nunchucks, the only thing they would ever love. They never slept without them. As one of the thugs gave the order to fire, James burst up from under the covers, now standing atop their mattress. A second later they were a spinning whirlwind of nunchaku, their body invisible beneath the torrential wind surrounding them. Submachine guns rained down on them but they only spun faster, the current around them redirecting the bullets back at their foes. They ricocheted around the room and fatally struck two of the thugs, killing them in moments. The other four stood, stunned into inaction by simultaneous horror and amazement. The spin slowed, winding down to a halt and the thug, snapping out of their shock, again gave the order to fire. But as they pressed down on their triggers, they found their guns failing to function. “Looking for these?” James said, opening their hand to reveal a mound of bullet casings in their palm. They winked. One of the remaining thugs fainted. “Watashi wa nihongo o hanasemasen,” James said, smirking. The thugs grabbed their unconscious comrade and fled screaming into the night. “They won’t be bothering us anymore,” they said to their nunchucks, and kissed them softly.