Solo Log: Companionship

**Winter 51, 501 AOV**

It's unsettling to feel like a stranger when she looks more like herself now.

Logically, Cleone knows that masking her deva marks has been effectively passing herself as human for seventeen years. Has depended on that fact, to some extent, even if the move had been more to distance herself from Alastor than to intentionally deceive people. Has run into awkward situations because of it, like her birthday last time she was in Flint.

It doesn't make things any easier when she stops by RHC headquarters for just twenty minutes once everyone parts ways at the opera house. Cleone isn't *unaware of* or *immune to* the looks she's been getting from passersby, but it's one thing at the opera house or the bakery she sets Kasavarina up to wait in. It's another when she runs into Serena at headquarters and sees the shock in her friend's eyes, and she feels naked as keenly as she did the day she decided to stop covering up her deva patterns.

"Cleone?" Serena's disbelief is evident in her voice, and she looks Cleone up and down. "I didn't know you were back! Your face is…what happened to you out there?"

Many things, Cleone doesn't say. She suppresses the urge to touch her face along the lines framing her cheeks. "We're only in for a day, actually. I thought I'd stop by to update Inspector Delft. And, um–" *Don't touch your face.* "Nothing happened to me, actually. This is how I look naturally. You've only ever seen me with makeup on."

She desperately wishes she had her teammates' ability to read people as Serena looks at her blankly. "Do you…want to talk about it? Are you all right?"

Yes and no, Cleone wants to say. Yes and no, she doesn't say. "It's all a bit complicated, but I'm fine. I just decided to…stop trying to blend in, I suppose. Call it an old deva's midlife crisis."

It's fudging a lot of details and Cleone knows it. Serena probably knows it too, but she leans in and gives Cleone a one-armed hug anyway. "You're not that old yet, come on. Tell me when you're back for longer and we can talk more over drinks, all right?"

Cleone is thankful for the pass even as she fails to guess whatever other thoughts Serena must be having. She can't help but imagine Serena is hurt by all the vagueness, though - she has a right to be.

Maybe Cleone ought to take up that offer for drinks after all this is over.

She has three more conversations along the same vein on her way to find Inspector Delft. One asks her if she knows Governor Stanfield (which is, to be fair, distantly true if not for the reasons they're asking); a second asks directly if the king knows what she is - which he does, and Cleone can say so, but the underlying accusation lingers. The last gives her a long, suspicious squint before turning back to their work without a word. Cleone tries not to think too hard about that one as she enters Delft's office.

Delft, too, has raised eyebrows when he sees her. Thankfully he's known about her since the start, so Cleone knows it's less about her this time and more about the implications. "The people who have been looking for me know who I am now," she explains, trying to mind their privacy. "They…well, I'll get to that. For now, I just wanted to let you know we're in town for a day and that we can set up a time to discuss what we've learned so far if you'd like."

Delft doesn't look any less concerned, but nods. "I'll see if I can make time to meet with you all in that window. As for you, do you need any…additional measures?"

"No," Cleone says. "I've got what I need."

The relief on his face is sincere, and he bids her goodbye with looser shoulders than he started with.

Cleone runs into one more awkward conversation on the way out, and she tries to laugh that one off too. But something must show on her face, because when she meets back up with Kasavarina her friend has that familiar frown that says she's ready to kill someone if Cleone needs her to.

She doesn't mince words. "Did somebody give you trouble?"

It's easy to see why Alastor loved her, Cleone thinks. It's hard not to respond to Kasavarina’s fierce loyalty with the same. But awkward conversations aren't grounds for retribution and it is partially a bed of her own making anyway, so Cleone shakes her head. "You turn more heads when people can see you're a deva, that's all. Come on, I have one more stop to make before we can head back to my house."

Madame Andromeda raises an eyebrow at Cleone’s new look when she arrives, but calls for Nathan without a comment and strikes up a conversation with Kasavarina once Cleone introduces them. Nathan, on the other hand, freezes in the doorway when he sees her. Eyes wide, mouth gaping in astonishment…Cleone starts to avert her gaze (she can't take this from him, too) before he speaks up.

“Wow. Um, wow. You look…good.”

That’s not what she’s expecting, and she turns her eyes back to his. “Thank…thank you?”

"You look good," he repeats. "You were covering up those markings before? I read a little about devas after you told me, and I was wondering…" He hesitates, his eyes flicking to the other two women for a second. Then he takes a second look at Kasavarina, and his eyes flick back to Cleone's. "Come to my study and we can talk?"

"Sounds like a plan," Cleone agrees. "I've got something for you, by the way." She takes out a package from under her arm and offers it to him. "Nothing much, just a little souvenir."

"Oh! Um, thank you." He takes the box and leads her to the study, although she's been here frequently enough that she doesn't need the help. He sets the box down on his desk, clearly occupied with other thoughts, and gestures for her to take a seat.

"That was Kasavarina Varal, wasn't it?" he asks once she's settled. "It's been over a decade, but I remember her. What is she doing here?"

It's only this moment that Cleone remembers that Nathan had originally been kidnapped for having seen Kasavarina on Axis Island. And given the context he had…yeah, that was cause for alarm. "Yes, that's her. She's all right, she's my friend," Cleone adds hurriedly. "It's complicated, but we're helping each other right now and I trust her. She's just here to accompany me, and means no harm."

Nathan makes that face, the one that means he's slotting new information into the larger picture in his head. It takes him a moment to nod. "I see. And are you all right? You said you were hiding from someone before, and your face…”

Cleone exhales, long and slow. “Yeah. The person I was avoiding showed up and saw right through me. I’m fine,” she says hastily, as alarm flashes across his face. “But there's no point in trying to hide now. It saves me time every morning and evening, anyway."

Nathan is, unsurprisingly, not mollified by the poor joke. "Are you in danger?"

"Not more than the rest of my job entails." Cleone falls silent, remembering Kasavarina's memory not far from this house. The confirmation that Flint may one day turn on her too, with open hatred instead of Danor's silent target on her back; that someday she may be unwelcome in both places she calls home. Or if not her, then an innocent in the political crossfire less formidable than a knight of Risur - like Nathan.

If she dwells on that thought, she's going to snap. She tries to move on. "It wasn't all bad, actually. I learned a few things about myself, and I understand the person I'm dealing with better. I can't say I don't have regrets, but it could have been worse. I'm still here, alive, Cleone Weld."

That gets a smile out of Nathan. "I'm glad you are."

Cleone gives him a quick hug, then looks to the door. "I shouldn't stay for too long today. I'm putting Kasavarina up at my house, and we'll have to head back out tomorrow. Let me check with her to see how she's doing."

Nathan agrees, and Cleone ducks back out of the study. "Feel free to open that gift!" she calls over her shoulder.

Kasavarina and Madame Andromeda are having tea in the kitchen, some sort of fortune telling setup laid out in the center of the table. Kasavarina gives Cleone a look of blank confusion when she comes out. "Back already?"

"I was just dropping off a gift," Cleone shrugs. "It's a while back to East Bank, and I don't want to keep you out all night. I can see my friend later."

"Your friend?" Kasavarina looks at her skeptically.

"Yes…my friend. We met a few months ago." Cleone grasps for words, unsure of what Kasavarina is looking for. "He's an astronomer. We…get along well?"

Kasavarina gives her a hard stare. Two lives overlap for a fleeting second, and Cleone knows without a doubt that somehow she's said something Kasavarina finds profoundly stupid.

"That man is in love with you," the woman tells her bluntly. "And I believe you're much the same with him. It was clear watching you two for even a moment. Do you not feel it?"

Cleone sputters. "He's--I'm not–I don't…"

That can't be right, she wants to say, but her mind digs up memories unbidden. The look on his face when he'd first seen her earlier. The kindness he'd shown her during their first real conversation. His willingness to ask after her well-being, even if it meant broaching subjects out of his comfort zone. The night he taught her how to see the sky as he did, and the beauty therein.

"Oh," she whispers. Her face grows hot.

Kasavarina nods, satisfied she's made her point. "I can wait out here. Andromeda is a fine host, we can take our time. You should go to him, Cleone." Her face turns wistful. "I met Pillai when I was young, but the time I had with him was still far too short. Don't squander your chances while you still have them." She clasps Cleone's hands just long enough for a comforting squeeze, then lets go and jerks her chin in the direction of Nathan's study.

Cleone's mind is racing, and she has no idea how she's going to do this. But she understands what Kasavarina means, and she isn't going to ignore such heartfelt advice. "All right," she agrees. She takes a few deep breaths, gives Kasavarina a quick hug, and heads back into the study.

Nathan has unwrapped his gift by now, an oil lantern with a brass frame etched with tiny four-pointed stars. Neither metal nor glass was of the best quality, but Cleone hadn't had a lot of options hunting through what shops were still open late at night in Alais Primos - and it would still serve its purpose at night. He's inspecting it with awe, and looks up at her with the same expression as she sits in the spare chair.

"It's beautiful. Thank you."

Cleone can feel herself blush, and knows that she's got quite the conversation ahead if she's flustered by a simple thank-you. "It was my pleasure. But--hey, look…"

His attention on her focuses even more, and now she understands what Kasavarina meant about seeing them together. It doesn't give her any more insight on what to say to communicate her point, but she's already started barreling down this road. Nothing to do but commit.

"I've really enjoyed spending time with you," she starts. "This job keeps me out of Flint half the time, but whenever we're here being with you is more relaxing than being in my own house."

Nathan nods, smiling fondly. "I feel the same way, except for the house part." His eyes flit up to the ceiling for a second, and he snorts. "But I'm glad you started coming. I owe Madame Andromeda a lot for letting me stay here, but since you started coming here it's really started to feel more like a home."

Something glows deep in Cleone's heart, and the warmth settles her nerves. "Well, I have a question then."

"Yes?"

"Do you want to be more than friends?" A beat, and Nathan's eyes widen in comprehension. Cleone commits to her point. "We don't have to change anything, really. I'd love to keep visiting and doing the same things we have been for the past few months. But we could do…more, too, if you wanted."

She reaches out a tentative hand, and Nathan slowly takes it. Then they're standing up, and closing the distance between them. There's silence as they lock eyes and, without needing words, embrace.

"I think I'd like that," Nathan says softly, and slowly bends down to kiss her.

Some time later, after quiet conversations and quiet companionship, Cleone heads out for real.

"Stay safe." Nathan traces the lines on her cheeks reverently with a finger, and Cleone has never felt so precious in her life.

"I'll come home," she whispers, pressing his hand closer to her face. She closes her eyes for a moment, savoring the touch, before drawing back and kissing it.

Even if there are no guarantees either can believe in, the promise means something nevertheless. Cleone feels it settle deep in her heart as she turns to open the door and leave.

Kasavarina meets her eyes when Cleone comes out of the study again, and Cleone nods in response. Kasavarina's expression softens.

The carriage ride back to her house is quiet. Cleone dozes off against Kasavarina's shoulder on the way until her friend gently shakes her awake at their destination. Cleone collects the mail (more letters that she can't answer, but the ghosts are easier to bear with someone at her side) and they go inside together.