recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
Sons of Thunder (Episode 4) - "Time and Chance" (GAM320)

### Starring:

Randal Reeder,Jesse Gallagos, Mavrick Von Haug, Don Swayze, Vanessa Angel, Amanda Erickson

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

### Special Guest

Michael Marshall

***Sons of Thunder*** **(Episode 4) - "Time and Chance"** is the story of God being a poker cheat, very literally—that's the story.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because Eli driving for Uber would have been *dangerous*.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you love the high stakes of movie poker, but you've only player Go Fish because grandma told you cards are the devil, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: ...poker. [Worse for Heath than an eye torch.]
* Marsh: ...understanding of value. [No units, no constants.]
* Noah: ...shuffling. [This was Eli's *Saw*.]
* Eli: ...twist. [It doesn't matter.]

### **Notes**

* Check out Marsh on Twitter, *Be Reasonable*, *Skeptics with a K*, *The Skeptic* (UK), and at The Good Thinking Society, or (thanks to Eli) Skeptic of the Year and MarshStoleHisVaccineFromAnOldLady.com.

### **Jokes**

* (43:41)
* (55:45)

### **Interstitials**

* Heath Lost to a Teenage Japanese Poker Neophyte at Eli's Bachelor Party (6:18)
* Writer's Room Meeting (37:03)
* Calvinball Poker (1:06:03)

### **Tropes**

* Christians Don't Know How the World Works
* Disappointing Christian Celebrity

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Trailer on YouTube
* IMDb
Synth

A military space marine Synth in the RealmWorld of NEBULA OF CONFLICT.

Within the Realm, Realm-based AI known as Synths are procedurally generated within each RealmWorld, and serve as interactive elements within the various Realm simulations. Psychologically, these entities behave very much like real, conscious organisms, and even go so far as to defend their lives, practice religion, and simulate emotions such as love, hate, and envy. Their purpose within the Realm is dutifully, though unconsciously, served and they are not aware that the Realm or Dominion City exist.

Despite the fact that Synths are "born" and raised within simulated RealmWorlds, it is possible for a Synth to awaken to the nature of its existence as a simulated entity, and to even crossover to life within Dominion City via a synthetic or organic body. There do exist Realm-based companies that offer awakened Synths assistance in making this transition.
Pray. (GAM424)

### Starring:

Audrey Battah, Amy Mitchell, Christopher Houldsworth, Bonnie Johnson, Jack Boston

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Eli Bosnick

### Special Guest

Michael Marshall

***Pray*** (not to be confused with *Prey* of the same year) is the story of a Christian slasher film made by someone who's ever only seen the Dove channel cut of *Friday the 13th*, with all of the killing edited out.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because at some point we didn't push back hard enough.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you loved the final projects of your Christian high school's film class, but you hate the "liberal agenda" of *plot* and *making sense*, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Marsh: …miracle. ["Inspired by true events?]
* Noah: …music thinking something is about to happen. [Never mind.]
* Eli: …motel. [Scariest part of the movie.]

### **Notes**

* Check out Marsh on Twitter, *Be Reasonable*, *Skeptics with a K*, *The Skeptic* (UK), and at The Good Thinking Society, or (thanks to Eli) Skeptic of the Year and MarshStoleHisVaccineFromAnOldLady.com.
* Crossed Shadow Productions also has *Pray 2: The Woods*, *Pray. 2.5* (the first two movies edited together), and *Pray 3D: The Storm*, plus *Paranormal* (2009).

### **Jokes**

* [Eli: They should have turned these children down. When they were like, "Hey, we want to make a movie here!", a guy at the desk—behind the bulletproof glass—should have been like, "Oh, I'm sorry. Our rooms are actually exclusively for killing yourself after your divorce goes wrong. So… what I'm saying is that we don't *have* a room that isn't spattered in *some* amount of brain matter we missed."] [Noah (Laughing): Oh God! \*laughs\*] [Eli: So no, you have to go to a DoubleTree to shoot your movie.]

### **Interstitials**

* A Black Guy at the Mall (6:29)
* Creepiest Thing at This Motel (36:41)
* Back Seat Serial Killer (55:40)
* Outtakes (1:30:31) [Post Credits]

### **Tropes**

* Bad Christian Space Work
* Bad Sportsing
* Boss in a Bit Part
* Go Fuck Yourself [We're not fixing the title cards.]
* Heath is Away This Week
* Nothing Happens

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Marsh: The bad guy went on to kidnap five more women, but… none of them asked Jesus to help, so fuck them, apparently.
* Eli: There is a sequel to this movie, and you bet your *asses* we'll be watching it.
* Noah: Noah went on to qualify that promise that the next movie would contain an incident, then.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Film on YouTube
* IMDb

### **Ad Reads**

* Better Help: Sunday Night Marsh Syndrome (1:31:59)
* Hello Fresh: [CODE:50AWFUL] Eli makes a "Fall Salad" (1:33:33)
Charly (GAM413)

Real love stories have no ending.

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***Charly*** is the story of a good Mormon boy from Utah trying to fix a heathen lady from New York City. It's '"The Taming of the Jew*.*

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because the salt isn't going to pour *itself* into the wound.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you love Mormon Movie Month, but you're sad we've never managed to cram trope, gag, and horrifying worldview into a *single film*, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: …montages. [Including false start montages.]
* Noah: …bonus plot.
* Mary: …manipulation.
* Shelly: …first date.
* Eli: …kiss. [Worse than two Barbie dolls mashed together.]

### **Notes**

* Check out Mary and Shelly on *Latter Day Lesbian*.
* The Patreon version (2:27:48) of this episode is nearly half an hour longer than the standard version (1:59:45).
* Based on the 1979 Jack Weyland novel of the same name, the film was described by the author as "even better than the book", which is just scary. There was a 2012 "encore" release with new footage.

### **Jokes**

* [Heath: Is there a husband class? About, like, causing orgasms or whatever?] [Shelly: No. As if the woman's orgasm matters.] [Noah: Yeah, right.] [Heath: Hoax!] [Shelly: They have what's called "Priesthood Session", but they don't talk about how to be a good husband, they just, like, get all about the scriptures and you can get… you know.] [Eli: Yeah, no. They learn how to ask *teenagers* about their masturbation habits at their priesthood classes.] [Yeah, right. Right, yeah.] [Heath: Cooool.] [Shelly: One *hundred* percent. Yes.] [Mary: That's a real handy class.] [\*laughter\*] [Shelly: Very good one! Oh, shit.]

### **Interstitials**

* Stretching 35 Minutes of Story (9:57)
* Canonically Accurate Mormon Space-Jesus (53:04)
* Magic Wormhole and Genjar the Time-Slicing Unicorn Script Notes(1:37:43)
* Outtakes (2:20:40) [Post Credits]

### **Tropes**

* Awkward Kiss
* Bad Sportsing
* Bible Reading Montage
* Deathbed Proselytising

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Heath: Mark, who ate ass, has a really happy life in New York City, with a partner who's alive.
* Noah: Sam eventually *did* stop hunching his shoulders.
* Eli: Turns out Charly was waiting for the highschool boy she made out with under the bleachers in Heaven instead of Sam. Her bad.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Film on YouTube
* IMDb

### **Ad Reads**

* Better Help: Using Joseph Smiths' Magical Seer Stones (2:23:28)
* Mint Mobile: Cellphones in Movies ft. Eli as Nicolas Cage (2:25:11)
* FitBod: The "Eli Fights Other Podcasters" Workout (2:26:39)
Overcomer (GAM210)

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enright

Eli Bosnick

***Overcomer*** is the story of Coach Dave learning how to work at an integrated school. It was not the genre film I was hoping for based on the title—not the story of a guy with a really good fluid volume—and my costume thing was not appreciated by the Kentucky theater full of Christian families where I saw it. I started setting up a Gallagher thing with the first few rows… they didn't get it at all. Not about cum.

### **Opening Phrase:**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema because it turned out ghostbusting wasn't a real job, and this is the next closest thing.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you love making sports movies, but you don't want the *sports* part to hold you back, you will *love* this movie. It's "Track is just runnin', right?: The Movie."

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: sportsing.
* Noah: Lucinda excuse.
* Eli: thing to walk in on your parents doing, and yes, I am counting fucking.

### **Interstitials**

* *Come Inside Me* (8:46)
* Grandma visits deadbeat meth dad. (1:09:31)

### **Tropes**

* Bad Sportsing/Sportsing
* Boss in a Bit Part
* Christians Don't Know How the World Works
* Conspicuous American Flag
* Magic Black Person
* Neglectful/Godless /Abusive Parent

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* IMDB
One More Round (GAM179)

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

***One More Round*** is the self-described story of "Basically, the Christian version of Rocky".

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because it turns out the cup that makes you age rapidly wasn't the worst one.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you're a huge fan of the county fair but you've often found yourself thinking 'why haven't these wonderful employees gone into filmmaking?'

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: ...pushing through the pain.
* Noah: ...negative character trait. [Science-knowing]
* Thomas: ...worst parking.

### **Notes**

* Eli deemed non-essential this week and was furloughed.

### **Interstitials**

* Noah and Heath try to get Thomas to be a better replacement for Eli (13:01)

### **Tropes**

* Bad Sportsing
* Behind on the Rent
* Heroes are Villains, Villains are Heroes
* Flashback to Shit We Just Watched
* Looks Like...
* This is YOUR Movie!

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Heath: Cancer girl got cumulative cancer and then got killed by a lightning bolt. And Brock Thornhill drowned to death in all that golf pro pussy. He was 39.
* Noah: The actor who played Larry eventually lovingly carressed a penis and realized that was okay.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* IMDb

#### Thomas Smith Podcasts

* Opening Arguments
* Serious Inquiries Only
* Philosophers in Space
* Comedy Shoeshine

### **Ad Reads**

* Mack Weldon: Noah and Heath sell underwear to Thomas (10:36)
Fire Maidens from Outer Space (GAM437)

### Starring:

Anthony Dexter, Paul Carpenter, Susan Shaw, Harry Fowler, Sydney Tafler, Jacqueline Curtis, Rodney Diak

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***Fire Maidens of Outer Space*** (also known as ***Fire Maidens from Outer Space***) is the story of a guy with a *really* big kink for polygamous alien cults, furry fandom, voyeurism, and giving himself roofies… and he made an *almost* porn about it.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, though we reserve the right to define that however the fuck we want to, week to week.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you love the schlocky space adventures of the forties and fifties, but you got distracted part of the way through the writing by your twelve-year-old boner, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: …spaceship controls. [A steering wheel and two levers.]
* Noah: …space exploration equipment. [Birdwatching, with a gun.]
* Eli: …sexually predatory side-character. [Anderson.]

### **Notes**

* Amazingly, this movie is not a parody. Check out the *MST3K* version.

### **Jokes**

* Heath: I like that he says "I have a million questions, but I can only think of one." And I was like, "So you—so you have *one*, right?"] [Eli: I don't think you have a million questions then.] [Heath: If you can't think of something, you don't have it in your brain, so that's not what you have.] [Noah: Nope, that's not a question… thing. Yeah] [Eli: "I have a million questions. here's the one I can think of, but here's the one I *can't* think of: Eheyuh!"] [Noah: Right! \*laughter] [Heath: Space question!] [Eli: Stanoff-turnerskiffanooon! Brosha-lauf!"]

### **Interstitials**

* Fifties Writers' Room Meeting (7:22)
* I Hate My Wife So Fuckin' Much (26:36)
* Come Holstered in Your Rectum (57:10)
* Outtakes (1:40:35) [Post Credits]

### **Tropes**

* Offensive Friend
* SEXISM!
* World Without Black People

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Heath: NASA learned its lesson from this movie, and went on to hire Stanley Kubrick instead, for future missions.
* Noah: Hestia got to Earth, and realized that Blair was a b-minus.
* Eli: Luckily, Anderson had brought a copy of *The Ethical Slut* with him to the moon of Jupiter, and everyone was able to come to an excellent understanding.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Film on YouTube
* IMDb

### **Ad Reads**

* Hello Fresh: [CODE: AWFULFREE] Heath Demands Free Breakfast for Life (1:40:49)
* FitBod: Bitter Betty vs. Heath (1:42:57)
* Mint Mobile: New Year's Resolutions (1:44:51)
Pornography: The Great Lie (GAM252)

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***Pornography: The Great Lie*** is a Mormon propaganda movie about the dangers of heroin, and it just got ADR'd to say "porn" instead of "heroin" for this version. They changed nothing else at all—it's just a remake of something else they made, now it's about porn.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because sometimes that's what it takes.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you hate pornography, but, of course you haven't seen any (because *of course* you haven't seen any), you will *love* this informational film. I've seen videos on how to fight Bigfoot with more specificity than this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: ...pop scare [Four people in an office.]
* Moishe: ...episode of *How It's Made*.
* Noah: …"Lies."
* Eli: ...unresolved plot strands.

### **Notes**

* Check out Moishe nowhere, because like Emes, he's a secret agent.
* The video took a year to make, with a budget of $125,000.
* Deseret Book [Yes, "Book."] also sells *Pornography: The Great Lie*, "A Guide for Families of All Faiths."
* The "supplementary materials" are over twice as long as the video.
* Recorded during the first few weeks of the Covid-19 outbreak.

### **Jokes**

* [Noah: And then, the fucking—the guy, the addict, the incarcerated thirty year porn addict or whatever—he comes up to explain that he started using cocaine and alcohol to enhance the pornography. He did cocaine to enhance the porn—that is *not* how c—let me tell you something... I don't know a lot about a lot but I know a lot about your dick not working on coke, let me tell you!] [Heath: You don't enjoy a nice soft jerk?] [Moishe: You guys have never had like a quiet night at home, done a long of coke, and then settled in for a night of *ripping your fucking dick off*?][Eli: Aw man.] [Moishe: I have a hot take that might be controversial: if you're using cocaine and alcohol to enhance your porn, you are doing literally all three of those things wrong.] [Eli: "I'm sorry, I like a little bit of a challenge in my masturbation. I like to think of it as watching porn on hard mode. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to try and solve this Rubix Cube with the same color stickers on all sides."] [Heath: Ooo Eli, that does not work to put it on hard mode.] (51:26)

### **Interstitials**

* First Ever Writer's [Who "Haven't Seen Porn"] Meeting (8:38)
* Pornography Inc. (37:20)
* Not Allowed in Church Because… Porn (42:20) [Doodly-Doo]
* Philosophy Porn (53:04)

### **Tropes**

* ~~Christians~~ Mormons Don't Know How the World Works

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Film on YouTube
* Supplementary Materials on YouTube
* IMDB
The Eyes of Tammy Faye (GAM322)

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***The Eyes of Tammy Faye*** is the story of the saddest movie theater ever, plus me [Heath] just weeping with laughter—they got so mad.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because they won't stop making the damn things.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you're a Christian movie critic and you've sat through literal years of open mouthed church audiences applauding for all the wrong things, and you wanted to see them ruin their brunch by misreading a title, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: …handjobs. [Apparently that's the theme of the movie.]
* Noah: ...reason for permanent skin damage. [The weight of the makeup on Jessica Chastain.]
* Eli: ...tribute to a dead guy's wife. [GAM has never been a quarter as mean as this film.]

### **Notes**

* Based on the documentary *The Eyes of Tammy Faye* (2000) by Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato, and as a result of its existence, Noah missed the brief window that this film was in theaters.

### **Jokes**

* (17:55)
* (39:13)
* (1:07:30)

### **Interstitials**

* Jim Baker Script Meeting (5:23)
* Momma Faye Hates Tammy (34:00)
* Introducing the Puzzle Online Channel (1:00:06) [Wait, that's just Joe Rogan.]
* Eli has a Scribd Account (1:28:00) [Post-Credits]

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Heath: Tammy Faye went on to learn the Euro-Grip and the Two-Handed-Firestarter handjobs, but Jim never got to enjoy it.
* Noah: The *Jerry Falwell Junior's Wife* movie they make in 2046 will be so much better.
* Eli: Jim Baker saw this movie.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Trailer on YouTube
* IMDb

### **Ad Reads**

* Truebill: Eli is Broke Again (1:29:33)
* Hello Fresh: [CODE: AWFUL14] Heath's Empty Apartment (1:31:14)
* Manly Bands: Noah's Sudden Wedding Band (1:33:54)
Rock: It's Your Decision (GAM041)

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***Rock: It's Your Decision*** is a Christian propaganda movie about a small town that learns about the evils of rock music. So, it's basically *Footloose* except Kevin Bacon is really good at not dancing, and he uses that lack of talent to rally the entire community of young people behind him, and keep dancing illegal, just like John Lithgow wanted. It's backwards *Footloose* about rock music: *Eartight*.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, in the hopes that we get eternally tortured by one of the real *pro* demons.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you've ever thought to yourself "I love Nazi propaganda films, but the protagonists are too likeable", then you're going to love *Rock: It's Your Decision*.

### **Best Worst**

* Eli: …convincing me of its message. [They play great rock.]
* Heath: …establishing shots. [Half the movie.]

### **Notes**

* In the US, this film was distributed on VHS by Mark IV Pictures, the Russell S. Doughten-owned distributor of the four-part *A Thief in the Night* tribulation saga. They also distributed David Olive III's other films: the original bad sportsing *[Coach]* (1983), the "based on a true story of two evangelists" *Twice Given* (1985), and *Test of Faith* (1987) (which seems to have been the precursor of films like *A Matter of Faith*).

### **Jokes**

* [Noah: I get the feeling that they *heard* "rock" and they were hearing about rock—this is the 80s, it was a—people were talking about "crack", they assumed it was still the music and that's what they made this movie about. Because he's going like, "I never realized how dependent I was on rock." Like, that makes perfect sense if we're talking about *crack*.] [Eli: He's just taking witness statements from, like, the 1980s Harlem. It's like "Yeah, man they—they kill their *moms* because of the rock."]

### **Interstitials**

* 5 Star Review Response (5:36)
* I Want to Kill Amalekites (55:40)
* Outtake (1:32:09) [Post Credits]

### **Tropes**

* Addicted to ~~Porn~~ Rock
* Angry Yelling at God
* Bad Christian Space Work
* Bible Reading Montage
* Christians Don't Know How the World Works
* Flashback to Shit We Just Watched
* HOMOPHOBIA!
* Indoctrination of Children
* Looks LIke...
* Name That Movie!
* Neglectful/Abusive Parent
* Not Christian Enough
* Pearl Clutching

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Heath: Mr. Big rocked a little too hard on the song "To Be with You" during a live show in 1992, and it caused the apocalypse.
* Noah: Jeff's penis was never heard from again.
* Eli: Tara Fawcett fit Marty into her like she was putting together IKEA furniture.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Film on YouTube
* IMDb
Signs (GAM247)

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***Signs*** is the story of God planning an alien invasion of Earth, and also killing a woman with a truck in order to cram an baseball metaphor into a script and pwn an atheist pastor.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because this is the internet and that's how it works now… Fuck. Sorry, it's been a minute—I've been gone and I'm still readjusting. [*Citation Needed* intro]

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you loved *War of the Worlds*, but there was both too much "war" and "world", you still *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: ... boarding up a door.
* Noah: ...name for Eli to have to repeatedly spell in the notes. [Joaquin]
* Eli: ...alien invasion plan.

### **Notes**

* Heath watched *Signs* for the first time for this episode, but he had *Wide Awake* and *The Happening* to prepare him.

### **Interstitials**

* Next Movie Plan (7:06)
* (1:06:24)

### **Tropes**

* And Then the Apocalypse/Rapture Happens
* Angry Yelling At God
* Deathbed Proselytizing
* Atheist Converts to Christianity
* Bad Sportsing/Sportsing
* Boss in a Bit Part
* Cancer Wife/God Killed My Mom/Evil Stole My Faith
* Coincidence Treated like a Miracle
* Crazy Billionaire Money [*Letters from Iwo Jima* Remake]
* Disappointing Christian Celebrity
* Neglectful/Godless /Abusive Parent
* Not Christian Enough
* Problem of Evil

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* [Episode on YouTube]
* Trailer on YouTube
* IMDB

### **Ad Reads**

* Manscaped: Play with Your Balls (1:38:25)
Evolution vs. God (GAM406)

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

***Evolution vs. God*** is the story of Ray Comfort… standing outside a drug dealers house on a college campus and *ruining* everyone's high with ambushing reviews, the whole time.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because of a weird dyslexic tea-leaf reader situation—I don't want to really get into it.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you like lukewarm Creationist apologetics from over a decade ago, but you want them delivered by your uncle who's mad he got kicked out of the family group chat, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: …argument formula. ["Name a famous dentist. Too slow! Dentistry is fake."]
* Noah: …temporal challenge. ["Show me millions of years right now."]
* Marsh: …response to criticism. ["Well, tell me the stuff that I cut out."]

### **Notes**

* Check out Marsh on Twitter, *Be Reasonable*, *Skeptics with a K*, *The Skeptic* (UK), and at The Good Thinking Society, or (thanks to Eli) Skeptic of the Year and MarshStoleHisVaccineFromAnOldLady.com.
* Living Waters Productions originally released *Evolution vs. God* (which actually does have over four million views) in 2013, but this review is of the "Uncensored: Expanded and Updated" edition released on 24 April 2023. It seems to be only slightly longer than the 2013 release.

### **Jokes**

* [Marsh: *So* stupid. It's so stupid. I wanted just one of these people to say "Yes, I can make a rose from nothing. \*ping\* Done. There's a rose made from nothing. Oh sorry, but it only exists in a higher dimension that you can only access after you die, if you're really nice. Um… now tell me all the ways my rose differs from your God."] [Noah: \*laughter\*] [Heath: Prove me wrong, Ray.] [Noah: Yeah.] [Marsh: It's like a "Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Trick question: it's Yahweh." That's what Ray is trying to do here.]

### **Interstitials**

* First Writers' Room Meeting/Badly Imitating Ray Comfort (5:30)
* Ray Comfort Visits YouTube Headquarters (36:00)
* God Kills Abraham Lincoln (57:53)
* Ray Comfort Accent is Hard/Outtakes (1:26:33) [Post Credits]

### **Tropes**

* Addicted to Porn
* Atheist Converts to Christianity
* Boss in a Bit Part
* Christians Don't Know How the World Works
* Nothing Happens
* Reprehensible Moral Message

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Heath: After seeing this video, the God of the universe went on the give Ray Comfort a *really* big kidney stone for fucking up the argument this badly.
* Noah: Noah went on to leave the accent work to Eli forever after.
* Marsh: Ray Comfort went on to have *twelve* years to make this bullshit look better, and this is *still* the best he came up with.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Film on YouTube
* IMDb
Flywheel (GAM263)

Noah Lugeons

Eli Bosnick

***Flywheel*** is the story of a lifelong scumbag who decides to be a Christian for five minutes and *bam*, literally everything in his life and his business turns incredible.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because *drugs*.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you love the media empire of the Kendrick Brothers, but you liked their original stuff before they sold out and learned how to focus a camera, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Thomas: ...understanding of business. [Crooked used-car salesman is in debt for… reasons.]
* Noah: ...titular allusion. [It could have just been any vital car part representing Jesus.]
* Eli: …waiting for acting. [The cameraman keeps expecting people to emote.]

### **Notes**

* Check out Thomas on *Opening Arguments*, *Serious Inquiries Only*, and *Philosophers in Space*.
* The film is the first Kendrick Brothers movie, shot on a 480p Canon XL1, with a $20,000 budget while on staff at Sherwood Baptist Church in Albany, Georgia. It premiered (without ever having been watched all the way through by the brothers) in-theater on 9 April 2003, using their church's projector and a DVD player patched into the theater sound system. Originally scheduled to run from Wednesday to Sunday, it actually ran for six weeks, and disturbingly went on to sell over 1.2 million DVDs. There's also a *Flywheel* novel by the Kendrick Brothers and Eric Wilson.
* *Akira* and *Big Trouble in Little China* only came out three years apart.

### **Interstitials**

* The Kendrick Brothers' Inspiration (7:41)
* The Ethical Store (47:00)
* God, the Used-Car Salesman (1:20:20)

### **Tropes**

* Atheist Converts to Christianity
* A World ~~Without~~ Almost No Black or Brown People
* Behind on the Rent
* Bible Reading Montage
* Boss in a Bit Part
* Christians Don't Know How the World Works
* Coincidence Treated like a Miracle
* Dollar in the Swear Jar
* Heroes are Villains, Villains are Heroes
* Kitchen Table
* Looks LIke…
* Make Me a Sammich!
* Name That Movie!
* Neglectful/Godless /Abusive Parent
* Not Christian Enough
* Reprehensible Moral Message
* SEXISM!
* Success Is Bad
* Women Shouldn't Touch Money

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* [Episode on YouTube]
* Trailer on YouTube
* IMDB
Agent Emes: Rabbi-napped (GAM110)

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***Agent Emes: Rabbi-napped*** is episode two of the *Agent Emes* series, and is the story of a young Jewish boy who's also a vigilante crime fighter in his spare time, but only for crimes against Jewish people. It's a weird story.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we watch another selection from religious cinema, because we're treating the possibility of eternal torment like it's iocane powder.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you loved *The Core*, but you wish Keanu Reeves were just a little less Jewish, you will *love* this movie. It's basically *The Core*—it's *The Core*. [Eli apparently thinks that Keanu Reeves was in *The Core*.]

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: ... bully. Also… literal game of sportsball.
* Noah: ...tying.
* Eli: ...reason for earthquakes.

### **Notes**

* Moishe was supposed to be a special guest for this episode, but he was eaten by bears. Or is fighting crime secretly.
* Preceded by "The Fish Head" and followed by "The Case of the Missing Pushka".

### **Jokes**

* Now, do you guys know the 'HaShem' thing? So, it's the name for God, but it doesn't mean 'God'—it's not like 'Steve' in Hebrew—it means 'The Name.' Cause, the Jewish—and I grew up afraid of this like fucking Voldemort—the Jews call their god 'Yahweh', but they're *never* supposed to say 'Yahweh.' It's like a *big deal* to never say 'Yahweh.' So instead they say 'HaShem' which literally means 'The Name', so when we ha—so they literally do a 'You Know Who'—God is the Jew's Voldemort is the important thing." (27:26)
* "Kabbalah is the "secret Jewish mysticism'", and actually what that means is 'the Jewish stuff we wrote down that was prettiest.' But the problem… the problem with being an insular culture who people keep trying to kill is eventually someone turns to the prettiest books and goes 'No man, that's real.' So, if I turned to you and I said, 'You know, sometimes I think the words of Shakespeare keep the whole universe from caving in", you'd say 'Wow Eli, what are you smoking and can I have some?' If I replaced that with Torah, and you spend a couple hundred years just working on brushes and loans, you start to think that shit's real." (58:54)

### **Interstitials**

* "Excellent. With the rabbis all kidnapped, the Jews will lost HaShem's protection." (6:28)
* *Yiddish or Nonsense?* (54:44)

### **Tropes**

* Bad Sportsing
* Torah Reading Montage

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Trailer on YouTube
* Film on YouTube
* IMDb
Heaven's War (GAM257)

### Starring:

Jason Gerhardt, Donny Boaz, Joe Estevez, Kelly Cameron, Mike Gassaway, Johnny Walter

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***Heaven's War*** (also known as ***Beyond the Darkness***) is the story of… I honestly don't know. They really fucked me on this formula piece we do. Do you guys know the plot? There's a bomb, and a vaccine, and a bunch of white senators who all look the same, but I don't know *anything* that happens.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because so far none of them have worked.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you love action and political intrigue, but the closest you've ever been to action or politics is your DUI charge, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: ...vague angel with a message from God.
* Noah: ...understanding of the word "vaccine."
* Eli: ...understanding of government corruption.

### **Notes**

* Originally developed as *Out of the Darkness* beginning in 2011 from the director of *The Pilgrim's Progress*, the film premiered in 2016 as *Beyond the Darkness*.
* The "All Seekers" sketch that Eli mentions is not, in fact, from YouTube, but is actually a bit his old team performed in college, which makes it so much funnier that he asked Noah if he'd seen it. "I thought it was from YouTube!!! Also I'm very famous. And important" -Eli Bosnick

### **Interstitials**

* Script Writers Playfighting (8:48)
* PiaT Crossover: Tall Tyler, Trump God, and Sarah Huckabee Sanders (38:28)
* PiaT Crossover Revisited (45:38) [Doodly-Doo]
* Sarah Huckabee Magog (1:04:46)
* Unbaptized Baby Line (1:14:08)

### **Tropes**

* A World With [2] Black or Brown People
* Atheist Converts to Christianity
* Cancer Wife/God Killed My Mom/Evil Stole My Faith
* Christians Don't Know How the World Works
* Dollar in the Swear Jar
* Neglectful/Godless/Abusive Parent
* Not Christian Enough
* Problem of Evil

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Trailer on YouTube
* IMDB

### **Ad Reads**

* Manscaped: Quarantinewolf (1:40:12)
* Raycon: How to Stand Listening to Eli (1:42:15)
* Bespoke Post: What to Get Heath (1:43:33)
Exorcist II: The Heretic (GAM395)

### Starring:

Linda Blair, Richard Burton, Louise Fletcher, Max von Sydow, Kitty Winn, Paul Henreid, James Earl Jones

## Hosts

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

### Special Guest

Katie Werewolf, Allen Ambulance

***Exorcist II: The Heretic*** is the story of what happens when a priest who is losing his faith and a child with religious trauma do a mind-meld, and the result is.. locusts. So many locusts!

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we watch another terrible movie so you don't have to.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you loved *The Exorcist*, but you wish it involved more hypnotism, Shakespearean masters, *and* the "white man's burden", you will *love* this movie.

### Best Worst

* Katie: …airport impulse buy. [Father Lamont's "dashiki worn as a dress shirt."]
* Allen: …mud city miniatures. [Also the name of Allen's new band and Eli's minor league baseball team.]
* Heath: …giant rolling screw. [A toy/therapeutic object in a children's hospital.]
* Eli: …falling. [And GAM reviewed *Leap* and *Leap 2*.]

### **Notes**

* Check out Katie and Allen on Eli favorite *Werewolf Ambulance* (or directly on Libsyn), a truly great horror movie review comedy podcast, where being entertaining is way more important than knowing things. Also check out their Twitter, Instagram, and an abandoned Facebook page. Eli appeared on one the the raunchiest episodes they've ever done, a review of *The Lock In*, also reviewed on episode 10 of GAM.

### **Jokes**

* [Katie: This made me so sad to see this star of stage and screen—the man played fucking Hamlet—just hitting a box with a crutch.] [Eli: Mmmhmmm.] [Heath: Oh, did he?] [Eli: Yes!] [Katie: Yes, he was an experienced and celebrated Shakespearean actor.] [Heath: Is he a good actor?] [Katie: *Yes*. Very.] [Allen: Mmmhmmm. Yeah, for sure.] [Eli: Yes!] [Heath: Is he a good actor in *this*?] [Allen: No.] [Katie: No.] [Heath: Okay.] [Eli: Okay…. counterpoint: there are moments.] [Katie: Counter counterpoint: I think he thinks he's in a different movie than everybody else.] [\*laughter\*] [Eli: For sure. For sure.]

### **Interstitials**

* First Writers' Room Meeting/Poopypants Demon (7:50)
* Satan Decides to Send Pazuzu (50:37)
* Realtor Showing *The Exorcist* Apartment (1:12:05)
* Outtakes/Animal House Close vs. Breakfast Club Close (1:45:20) [Post Credits]

### **Tropes**

* Problem of Evil
* RACISM!
* Noah's Gone=Better Quality Movie

### **Animal House Close**

* Eli: Richard Burton read scripts he agreed to *much* more carefully from then on.
* Heath: Kokumo got in trouble with OSHA for the holographic lobby with the bed of magic nails at his office.
* Katie: Father Lamont began wearing a dashiki and kufi everywhere, and got the shit kicked out of him.
* Allen: And Linda Blair got to tap her way into many, many other films.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Trailer on YouTube
* IMDb

### **Ad Reads**

* Mint Mobile: Katie and Allen are Eli's "Funny Phone" (1:46:06)
* FitBod: Katie and Allen vs. Eli and Heath Rumble (1:47:56)
* Raycon: Trying to Impress Katie and Allen (1:49:49)
GAM Mayflower II

## Mayflower II

### Starring:

Stephen Hardy, Ryan-Over Klann, Shawna Pliva, Rick Borger, Rich Swingle, Nathan Clarkson, Justin Lewis, Danae Chapman

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***Mayflower II*** is the story of...

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because

### **Notes**

* Filmed in 2014 from 1 August to 3 September after *My Grandpa Detective* (the initial budget for both films was $48,000), and they've been in post production ever since.
* Nathan Clarkson was in *Confessions of a Prodigal Son*!
* Check out the *Mayflower II* Facebook page for more interesting tidbits, like that the guns are literally Nerf guns.

### **Links**

* [Episode on Audioboom]
* [Episode on YouTube]
* Trailer on Vimeo
* IMDB
Taken by Grace (GAM359)

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***Taken by Grace*** is the story of taking all the most obnoxious character traits from Eli and Heath, and making one single person with all of that together, and then taking a *really* long road trip with that person, at gunpoint. Plus… God, or something.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, until we find the Crystal Key and break the curse once and for all.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you wish Thanksgiving with your mom's new husband was done at gunpoint, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: …Christpher Walken bet. ["I'll bet I can sneak in a Walken impression eight times."]
* Noah: …mouth noises. [The opposite of ASMR.]
* Eli: …best twist that makes the entire movie pointless. [Irrelevant destination in a road trip movie.]

### **Notes**

* The movie was apparently shot in eight days from 24 August 2012 to 3 September 2012, with a "solid first draft" being written in a week and half after having been conceived on 28 July 2012. Check out the PureFlix video "The Birth of Taken by Grace", parts [1] and two. Also, lead actor Brad Dorsey is Engelbert Humperdinck's son.

### **Jokes**

* [Eli: I really wanted him to get in, and, like, she doesn't have a DVD player. It's like, "Ah, fucking… do you have a PlayStation?] [Noah: "I'm gonna have to download—why would I have to download an app for that? There's a—it's built into the fucking thing."] [Eli: I'm gonna—I'm going to Circuit City, but I'll be *back*.] [Heath: "Oh, now the TV's doing an update? What does that even *mean*?" The TV has software?] [Eli: "What is the PlayStation on? HDMI one or two? It's on video game."] [Heath: "That's not the right remote. How many remotes are there?!"]

### **Interstitials**

* More Helpful Hostages (5:02)
* Danger Fetish (33:02)
* ACAB (1:00:14)

### **Tropes**

* Disappointing Christian Celebrity
* Nothing Happens

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Heath: The Supreme Court of the United States went on to decide that "some fucking kids are gonna shot sometimes."
* Noah: Morgan would finally get through a sentence that contained "Supreme Court" and "gonna get shot sometimes" without having to beep it.
* Eli: \*beeeeeeeeeeeeeep\* Bet he didn't get through that one.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Trailer on YouTube
* IMDb

### **Ad Reads**

* Better Help: GAM Tries Not to be a Bummer (1:27: 11)
* Hello Fresh: [CODE:AWFUL16] How to Feed Everyone During Maytreon (1:28:36)
* FitBod: Problematic Personal Trainer (1:30:13)
Battlefield Earth (GAM414)

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***Battlefield Earth*** is the story that star John Travolta described as "the *Schindler's List* of sci-fi."

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, even when that means watching a Scientology movie directed by a dude *named* Christian.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you love the crazy of Scientology, but the subtly of alien volcanoes and bad-emotions alien-ghosts is too much work for you, you will *love* this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: …source material. [Hey, it's actually kind of fun.]
* Noah: …relative viewing angle. [The Dutch angle.
* Eli: …NOT! [A classic villain move.]

### **Notes**

* Recorded live in Detroit, Michigan at the Garden Theater on 22 July 2023 from ~~7:00~~ 7:30–~~10:00~~ 10:30 PM (EDT). Heath forgot a bunch of the t-shirts in Anarbor, MI.
* The film is obviously based on L. Ron Hubbard's novel, the very well maintained website for which no longer mentions the movie as it did back in 2000.

### **Jokes**

* [Noah: So, their breath-gas-oid, if it comes into contact with uranium…"][ Eli: -ness.] [Heath: Anything radioactive.] [Noah: Anything radioactive.] [Heath: Yeah:] [Noah: It'll explode.] [Heath: Okay. But, like, *so* much stuff is radioactive. Like, *all* over the world we're looking at—it's fine. It's fine.] [Noah: Yes!] [Eli: I really wanted bananas to be a secret weapon at the end of this movie.] [Heath: Thank-you!] [Eli: Throws it like a boomerang. We just watch \*boomerang hitting things noises\* Camera pans up: it's Ray Comfort.] [Noah: Aw, hell yeah!] [Audience: \*cheers\*]

### **Interstitials**

* The Third Iteration of the Screenwriting Team (10:52)
* Broken Speech Translator (42:20)
* Psychlo Superiority (1:16:33)

### **Tropes**

* Bechdel Test
* Disappointing ~~Christian~~ Scientologist Celebrity
* Eli's Live Show Outfit
* Sparkle Donkey
* This is YOUR Movie!
* World Without Black People

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Heath: Terl [Travoltoid] went on to sign a one *billion* year contract to be an indentured servant on a sincerely held pirate ship.
* Noah: Scientology went on to… sue us, probably.
* Eli: John Travolta would go on to act out *way* dumber works of L. Ron Hubbard.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Trailer on YouTube
* IMDb

### **Ad Reads**

* Better Help: Battlefield Earth is the Alternative to Therapy (1:58:16)
* Babble: Eli Showing Off French Skills (1:59:16)
Full Court Miracle (GAM328)

Noah Lugeons

Eli Bosnick

***Full-Court Miracle*** is the story of some shitty white Jewish kids using a black homeless guy to fulfill their dreams of being mediocre basketball players.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, except when we decide to go old-school.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you love basketball and mismatched stories of friendship, Jews and African Americans are probably your worst bet to make this movie about.

### **Best Worst**

* Rachel: …kids trying to "talk black" when they encounter an African American man.
* Noah: …helicopter parent. [From a distance.]
* Eli: …deciding what's a miracle in a movie. [A couple minutes on an emergency generator.]

### **Notes**

* Check out Rachel on her website, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and The Bash.
* This Disney Channel original movie, loosely based on the true story of Lamont Carr (1952–2017), premiered on 21 November 2003.

### **Jokes**

* [Noah: Poor Lamont, he's just doing his damndest to pretend none of this shit is weird and all of the food is good.] [Rachel: Yeah.] [Noah: I've been there. I've been there, Lamont.] [Rachel: And by the way, if they were doing, like, really good latkes or something, I would be like, "Oh yeah, he's having a great time." But they were like, "Try the gefilte fish with some horseradish."] [Noah: Yes, with some horseradish!] [Rachel: "You ever seen a ground-up fish kept in a jar of liquid, like a body part? Here it is—it's nice and room temp."]

### **Interstitials**

* Disney's Typical Jewish Story (6:48)
* You Can't Be a Motorcycle When You Grow Up (46:43)
* Rapping Coordinator (1:18:42)
* Outtakes (1:53:31) [Post Credits]

### **Tropes**

* Bad Sporting
* Coincidence Treated as a Miracle
* RACISM!
* The Eli Bosnick Story
* This is YOUR Movie!

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Rachel: Alex never did become an NBA player, or a doctor, but he did become a black guy.
* Noah: Dad eventually did sell that condo.
* Eli: So many homeless people died while the emergency generator was out of fuel.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Trailer on YouTube
* IMDb
Mercy Rule (GAM032)

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***Mercy Rule*** is the whitest, most anti-environment, most Libertarian movie that Heath has ever seen.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because if we didn't, Eli would release the video.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you ever thought to yourself "Man, I wish Kirk Cameron would use professional cameras and months and months of other people's time to film his home movies and children's little league games", then man, is *this* movie for you.

### **Best Worst**

* Eli: …Christian movie. [Jesus doesn't even get a mention.
* Noah: …tag line. ["There's no quit in family."]

### **Notes**

* The website used to feature a "[free study guide]", featuring classic quotes such as “You got a problem with someone? Doesn’t matter who they are, you man up and go eye to eye.” and "Zero. Zip. Zippidy. Nada. We make our own way, like God and George Washington intended."
* Eli has backup copies. If something happens to him, the videos get released anyway. It's like *The Firm* (1993).

### **Jokes**

* [Heath: Parents shouldn't be allowed within a *thousand* feet of a Little League field. They shouldn't be allowed to do anything about it, they shouldn't be allowed to talk to coaches— nothing. They should not be involved.] [Noah: Yeah. And, and so—] [Eli: Or their children. That's how my family felt. "Here you go, Eli. You know, you can have all the mashed potatoes you want at Old Country Buffet." "Deal!" "Here you go. Here's some books no one will read until they get popular in 2013. They're gonna make a TV show!"] [Noah: You'll hate it!]

### **Interstitials**

* GAM Tropes Podcast (5:08)
* Pops Has Terrible Dementia (57:58)

### **Tropes**

* Bad Sportsing
* Christians Don't Understand How the World Works
* Crazy Billionaire Money
* Persecuted Christians
* RACISM!
* World Without Black People

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Heath: Cody grew up to become a great baseball player, and a better person.This was a great movie.
* Noah: Hazardous waste lived happily ever after.
* Eli: The coach was eventually convicted of the brutal Green River

Killings.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Trailer on YouTube
* https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3566370/ [IMDb]