EPKCT

EPKCT is the thirteenth chapter in the Wombles Six. If you were looking for the team, see Emma Peacock Katy Catwoman Tara.

Katy & Catwoman had just realized that they’d forgotten Peacock, Tara, Mrs Peel & their army. “We’ve forgotten our cats!” said Catwoman at exactly the same time as Katy said, “We’ve forgotten our Katycats!” Just then all their cats/Katycats except Cathy ran up to them. Well, actually, the 14 thousand & ninety-nine Katycat zombies went a lot slower.

“Why did you leave us behind?” asked Peacock, angrily waving her wrench. “We just forgot about you!” said Katy & Catwoman at exactly the same time. “Hey! Stop copying me!” they shouted. “I’M NOT!!! YOU ARE!!!” they yelled. Then they both hollered, “WHERE’S CATHY?!?!?! For goodness’ sakes, stop copying me though!”

Suddenly another person appeared. Katy started singing. “Swish, swish, bish! Another one in the basket! Swish, swish, bish! Another one in the casket!” “What on Earth does swish, swish, bish mean?” asked the other person. “It’s supposed to sound like Swift, Swift, bitch!” replied Katy. The other person started singing. “I don’t like your little games! Don’t like your tilted stage! The role you made me play! Of the fool! No, I don’t like you! I don’t like your perfect crime! How you laugh when you lie! You said the gun was mine! Isn’t cool! No, I don’t like you!” “What? I’m not the bad one!” said Katy. The other person(who was Taylor Swift)got out a gun & shot Katy in the arm, which knocked her out. “Well, you said the gun was mine & now it’s true!” she said. “Now to find out how to join NAMI.” She walked away.

Peacock didn’t care about anyone so wanted to just leave & get on with her own work. Catwoman was trying not to care about Katy but failing badly. The 14 thousand & 99 remaining Katy Perry fans said in a creepy voice, “We love you, Katy! We must wake you up!” and started trying one at a time.

Eventually Katy woke up. Her fans tried to run about excitedly, but didn’t really do that. She started singing about it. “Turn it up, it’s your favourite song! Dance, dance, dance to the distortion! Turn it up, keep it on repeat! Stumbling around like a wasted zombie! Drink! This one’s on me! You’re all chained to the rhythm, to the rhythm, to the rhythm!”

Unfortunately for Katy’s team, the admittance of hypnotism undid it on their remaining army. They all screamed & ran away.

The New Avengers arrived back at Rider Ranch.  B A carried Cathy in and locked her in a spare room.  He fitted a two way speaker system to avoid Cathy killing anybody.  Murdock went fishing with Face.  They were having a competition for the most fish and biggest fish.  Steed waited for Cathy to wake up.  Meanwhile Mr Teddy Bear was under the ground of the airfield with his giant womblet in earthmover mode.  Above Baron Von Vomble was hovering his airship.

Prince Gambit was in his counting house counting all his money.  Princess Charlie was in the parlour eating bread and honey.  Slade were in garden rocking on their toes. Suddenly down came the Blackbird to defeat the X-Men’s foes.

Professor X came out and took control of Slade’s minds.  They immediately stopped singing about Christmas and went to sleep.  Beast went into Grand Purdey Manor and found Gambit counting all his money still (he had a lot of money with Steed and Cathy away). A fight started.  Gambit was surprised at Beast’s strength as he didn’t know about mutants.  Beast carried him off and loaded Slade into the Blackbird.  Then he flew the Blackbird back to Professor X’s school for talented mutants.

When they arrived two new applicants were waiting.  “Name?” asked Prof X.  “Squeak” said one.  “Squeak” said the other.  “Carmy and Claire welcome to the school!” said the Professor leading the guinea pigs to their first class.

“We’re dreadfully sorry Mr Peck” said Meowykins.  “But Meowymagic and Meowythings will do anything to make themselves look cool, even steal a fast car!”  “But I can’t go anywhere much now!” replied Face.  “And the A-Team sometimes need that car!  Although, usually they use B A’s van.”  “They didn’t mean to upset anyone!” said Meowykins.

“I’m not really quite so sure about that.” Cut in Meowyskin.  “The young meowys aren’t very nice.”

“I have five things to say about that.” Said Meowykins.  “One, Meowythings isn’t technically one of the young Meowys but he is compared to you. Two, Meowythings is completely innocent and I can’t believe you said that about him.  Three, the worst that Meowymagic would do is claim that no one is anywhere near as good as him!”

Meowyskin seemed to be waiting.  “I’ve finished!” said Meowykins.  “But you said you had five things.”

Meowymagic and Meowythings parked the car in front of a glass building which seemed to be a café.

They went inside and the first thing they heard was some people talking about days being boring and wishing they weren’t so average.

Meowymagic was going to say, “Ha!  No one’s as special as me!” but Meowythings stopped him and took him back out.

Just as Meowythings was about to say something one of the people who didn’t want to be average came out of the café and a racing green car came zooming in going over the speed limit.

“Woah!  They’re speeding a lot!” said the I-don’t-want-to-be-average person.  “Stop!!!”

The speeding car screeched to a hault.  “Are you ok?” asked I-don’t-want-to-be-average.  “Yes, I’m fine, what do you want?” snapped the driver, who sounded rather American.

“For you to stop speeding, Mr…”  “Morbi. David Morbi.”  “Did you say David Morbi?”  “Yes, why?”  “Come with me, I’ll report you found.”  “Don’t you dare.”  “What? Why?”

Driver suddenly pulled IWantToBeSpecial into his car.  “Wooooaaaahhhh!” said IWTBS.

As they were driving, IWTBS (Whose name is actually Dr Joseph Taylor) said, “Where are we going?” “You’ll see.” Replied David.

They parked in front of a bench with a puppy on it.  “So… where are we?” asked Dr Taylor.  “Spy HQ.” replied David.

Suddenly the puppy talked! “What brings you here this time Mr Morbi?” it said in a voice rather like Meowykins’.

Katy, Peacock, Tara, Mrs Peel & Catwoman were looking for Cathy, hoping she was still hypnotized. Eventually they found her. Then Peacock, who hated working with the good people, pulled her out her wrench. “Miss Katy Perry, please sing that Chained To The Rhythm song or I will kill you with this wrench…” Katy interrupted by singing what was requested. It went through the two-way speaker(as they were outside the room) and both woke up & un-hypnotized Cathy.

Katy became furious with Peacock. She kicked her. Peacock responded by an attempted murder with her wrench. Luckily for Katy, Catwoman wrenched Peacock’s hand away & shot it.

Suddenly Taylor appeared. “Do you know how to join NAMI?” she asked. “Ask NAMI!” replied Katy, trying to whack Peacock on the head & failing.

Taylor found Steed & said, “My name is Taylor Alison Swift, born 13 December 1989 on a Pennsylvania Christmas tree farm. I’m arch-enemies with Katy Perry. Can I join NAMI?” Steed was confused but said she could. “Can I kill Katy, by the way?” asked Taylor. “Of course.” Replied Steed. Taylor went & shot Katy in the heart. Peacock, Tara, Mrs Peel & Catwoman, who was crying while trying not to, all ran away.

Much, much, much later, while no-one else was there, Catwoman got out the dagger she’d got earlier from movie star Natalia DeSouza & brought it to the edges of Katy’s heart area. She cut carefully along the mysterious dotted lines. They seemed to be a tattoo. Then she chanted., “Dark with bright, magic and light, losing heart, tear it apart, replace it, it’ll be better, never die, at least that’s the legend…Kathryn Hudson, wake up!” P.S. The legend was not true.

A love heart of yellow/light magic appeared where Katy’s heart had been. Catwoman waved her hands over the opening like it was a sensor. It closed up. Katy’s eyes opened in a mechanic style. The bad blood from her wound disappeared. “You called me KATHRYN HUDSON!!!” shouted Katy. “I heard you, stupid CATWOMAN!” “No-one calls Catwoman stupid!” yelled Catwoman. “Calling someone by their hated name is not how you get the girl!” replied Katy. “Well, it is in my wildest dreams!” hollered Catwoman. “Shall we make a blank space on the EPKCT registration list!?!?!” asked Katy. “What the heck is EPKCT?” asked Catwoman. “Emma Peacock Katy Catwoman-where the blank space would be-Tara.” Said Katy.

Eventually Katy & Catwoman made up. Suddenly some water poured down on Katy. She had to shake it off. “Who did that?” she shouted. “Me.” Replied Peacock, then she ran off to Katy’s mansion. “Aren’t we friends?” called out Katy, running after. “I will not go as far as being friends with anyone!” replied Peacock. “I wish you would.” Said Katy. “I thought you were dead though?” questioned Peacock. “Actually, as it turns out, all you had to do was stay.” Answered Katy.

When they got to the mansion, they had to clean it a lot because some people from Wonderland had got there & made a mess of it. They went in & found two strangers there. They looked at them in a confused way. The strangers just said, “We’re the new romantics!” “You are in love?” asked Peacock. The strangers vanished into thin air & the mansion slowly turned into a city. “Welcome to New York.” Said some kind of voiceover. “Please stay out of the woods. I know places where this love would be dangerous.”

Meanwhile, Taylor was explaining to Steed what she had seen, and how she knew they’d un-hypnotized someone but not who. Suddenly four women came in singing, “’Cause we’re all…weird people! And we’re shaking! From the basement to the roo-oo-oof!” “What?” said Taylor. “Oh, hello.” Said one with very obviously dyed blonde hair. “I’m Jesy Nelson and these are my friends Perrie, Leigh & Jade. We’re known as Little Mix, and we’d like to join NAMI.” So they did join.