Strange Trails hotline

Strange Trails hotline billboard in "Fool for Love"

The **Strange Trails hotline** was advertised on a billboard in the "Fool For Love" music video, with the message "“Feeling lost? 1-800-774-1372.” It was also promoted on a comb that was sold at Lord Huron concerts.

The hotline is no longer active, but was a choose-your-own-adventure where the caller could navigate some very strange trails. Parts of the audio were used for music transitions on the Strange Trails tour.

## Partial transcript

Here is a transcript of a one path you could follow:

"Welcome traveler. Will you wander down the strange trail? Press (1) for yes, press (2) for no”
(1 - Yes)
(music from “Yawning Grave”)
“First there is darkness and only the smelling and hearing of things. Wet earth. A whirl of wings. The caressing of the breeze among the tangle of branches. It takes a moment to realize your eyes are closed. As you slowly pry them open, a peculiarly beautiful scene greets you. You are in the middle of an old, verdant wood. Colossal trees droop with age and burdensome overgrown vines. Moonlight steadily seeps onto the forest floor, creating a pale gray blanket over an endless stretch of dense grass and moss. You begin walking and desperately grasp at elusive memories, your mind fills with obscure faces and lingering shadows. Distractedly, you trip over a large rock. As you pick yourself up, you realized you have in fact stumbled upon the fork of a winding trail, overgrown and wild.
Press (1) to turn left, press (2) to turn right.”
(2 - Left)
“After a moment’s pause, you turn left. Perhaps it’s the trick of the moonlight but the path seems more inviting this way. Minutes pass silently save for the occasional trilling of night birds." (Owl hoots) "Do they merely comment on your presence, you wonder, or do they warn you of terrors yet to come. You almost miss the faint sound of rushing water close by. A few steps off the path leads you to the bank of a small brook. You eagerly dip your hand into the swift current. A pull this strong must lead to open water sooner rather than later, you conclude and perhaps a way out of here. Suddenly, a powerful force knocks you to the ground. You look up just in time to see a creature of considerable size bounding away. As you gape at the strange monstrosity, it turns to face you. It is no animal you have ever seen, more a grotesque combination of several beasts. Its fur, if you can call it that, is wiry and so black it almost dissolves into the night. The creature stares back into your astonished eyes and you notice your tattered hat dangling from its clenched jaw. You find yourself eager to reclaim it, now more intrigued by the challenge than afraid. The beast retreats into the darkness before stopping and turning back to you, its fiery orange eyes glowing like tiny embers against the black. It beckons you to follow.
Press (1) to follow the beast, press (2) to ignore the beast and follow the creek’s current. Press (3) to turn back the way you came.”
(2 - creek)
“For a few seconds you do not break eye contact from the creature as you slowly back away in the direction of the brook’s current. With a deep breath, you spin around and run for your life along the edge of the creek, never daring to see if you are being pursued. You run for what seems like miles, focusing on the sound and smells of water next to you, ignoring the excruciating pain in your lungs and feet. Suddenly you find yourself at the edge of the forest. The light of the moon, finally free from the endless stranglehold of branches, shines radiantly on a vast watery expanse. There is a derelict lighthouse up ahead. Next to the lighthouse is a wooden rowboat. Two oars rest in the rowlocks.
Press (1) to explore the lighthouse, press (2) to use the rowboat.”
(2 - rowboat)
“You push the rowboat into the water and climb in. The boat glides effortlessly as you row away from the shore. Once the lighthouse is a mere speck in the distance, you pause for a moment and notice a cloth sack filled with an odd assortment of coins and trinkets sitting near to the bow. Before you have time to inspect the treasure more closely, a gigantic swell lurches the boat forward. A grotesque sea creature rises from the water with a gaping mouth and in one swift movement, devours you whole. There is a moment of chaos as you struggle to keep the boat afloat. Suddenly the water is calm, and instead of being greeted by the dark and cavernous belly of the creature, you are met with a wondrous scene. (seabird noises) Birds fly above you against an azure sky and a walled city made of glistening stone looms in the distance. You go towards the imposing barrier in search of an entrance to the city. At one end of the wall, you observe a colossal stone statue guarding the closed gate. The faceless figure seems to peer down at you, its hand outstretched expectantly. You gently place the sack of treasure into the statue's open palm and the massive gate slowly opens. Before you is a maze of winding canals and towering citadels. There is not a soul in sight. You row forward with the confidence of a well-versed traveller as the gate seals thunderously behind you. The end."