Transcript: Roswell That Ends Well (S.I.N.K or Swim)

Corona, New Mexico.

A flying saucer is rapidly deteriorating and looks to be headed for a crash.

The saucer tumbles to the ground.

BOOM

The explosion attracts several police in the area.

Police cars start swarming the wreckage.

An officer gets out of the nearest car.

Officer: What the hell is this?

A second officer exits shotgun.

Officer: It's nothing like I've ever seen before. I never really deal with surprise midnight explosions.

Officer 2: Let's go take a closer look.

As the two get closer, the saucer starts shaking.

Officer 2: There's something in there!

Officer: Come out with your hands up! You're causing a disturbance in the dead of night!

The saucer continues to shake.

Officer: Get ready to fire, officer.

Officer 2: Right.

The saucer shakes and shakes until finally, a tiny spider-like creature crawls out of the wreckage.

Officer: That's...it?

Officer 2: How did it make that big of a noise??

The spider crawls towards the 2nd officer.

Officer 2: Uh...what should I do?

Officer: It's just a stupid spider, it won't do anything to you.

Officer 2: Um..alright then.

Suddenly, the creature sprouts wings and starts hovering.

Officer 2: It's got wings.

Officer: Then it's a fucking winged spider, I don't know, there's a lot of undiscovered animal species.

Officer 2: Well, it-

Suddenly, the creature flies inside the mouth of the officer.

Officer: What the fuck-

The officer starts writhing in pain on the floor. Blood pours out of his eyes.

Officer: JESUS CHRIST- DISPATCH, OFFICER DOWN! WE NEED BA-

Suddenly, another creature quickly flies into his mouth.

Creatures swarm out of the object, and fly into the mouths of every single officer present.

The officers are all left writhing as the camera pans out to the empty streets of the sleeping town.

S.I.N.K OR SWIM

Suddenly, Soo-Jin, Alistair, and Alexandreina warp into the area next to the title card.

Alistair: Who's wondrous idea was it to leave the title card in fucking 1947?

Alex: And it's a perfectly good title card too...

Soo-Jin: It's fine guys. We just gotta bring it back and make sure this sort of thing doesn't happen again.

She taps a few buttons on the PTMB and the title card, along with the team, warp away.

2022

The office is filled with a blinding light as the team returns home with the title card.

Soo-Jin: We're back!

Alistair: Alright, if you were the genius who decided to leave our ONLY title card in New Mexico nearly 75 YEARS AGO, please raise your hand.

Nobody raises their hands.

Alistair: Forget it, I'll find him myself.

Alex: Um-

The team exit the building to return the title card to storage.

Miles: Yeesh. What dumbass decided to do that?

Satori: Beats me. Our interns are usually the best of the best.

Hunter: Yeah, but that's a real title card. Not some visual graphic for a tv show.

Miles: Yeah. Not many people are used to seeing an actual title card in real life.

Satori: Then thank whatever god you believe in that you're a S.I.N.K agent.

Hunter: Do you think it'd break the world to tell everyone that every religion ever was right?

Miles: I'd love to see the look on an atheist's face.

Satori: Regardless, I'm glad today's a quiet day at the office so far. Well, as quiet as working at S.I.N.K can possibly be. There was just that one janitor who nearly lost his arms after accidentally putting on a Carnivorous Shirt.

Hunter: Those little shits almost got me once. It shapeshifted into my favorite Cody Rhodes shirt. But it forgot two of the little wings on the tattoo. That's how I knew it was a fluke.

Miles: Clever.

Suddenly, Hologram Sam warps into B-53's office.

Hologram Sam: Heya team, so uh...

Hologram Sam: We've got a situation.

Satori: I retract my earlier statement.

Hologram Sam: Some internet theorist has managed to uncover the truth about the Roswell incident.

Satori: I would like to retract my retraction of my earlier statement so I can retract it again.

Hologram Sam: The good news is 99% of the internet is laughing at his face.

Miles: Ha.

Hologram Sam: The bad news is that the other 1% is hellbent on making sure the other 99% stop laughing.

Miles: Ok...so what's the job?

Hologram Sam: You three need to not only take out the parasites in Roswell, but also erase the evidence, and wipe the memories of the theorist and his followers.

Hunter: Seems simple enough.

Satori: Hold on a second. How come these parasites have never left Roswell? There haven't been any evidence of these things moving outside of the Roswell area.

Hologram Sam: Welp, that's all up for you guys to decide!

Hunter: You mean, find out?

Hologram Sam: Uh...yeah! That's what I meant!

Satori: Ok...Satori: So you guys ready?

Miles: I just keep all my shit in my Quantum Backpack and I never take it out so...yeah!

Hunter: Ready as I'll ever be.

Satori: Ok, let me adjust my Warp Watch real quick...

Satori: Alrighty! Corona, New Mexico! 3, 2, 1-

The three warp away.

Hunter: So did Sam end up telling us anything about what these things are?

Satori: Why?

Hunter: Uh...I kinda tuned it out by the end. Kinda weirded out by his word choice there.

Satori: Well, he didn't say anything, but he did send us this briefing. Let me read it now.

Satori adjusts her HUD.

Satori: Apparently the UFO was meant to be a delivery f-

Miles: What?

Satori: Yeah? What is it?

Miles: What kind of BS is this? A delivery service for parasites?

Satori: I suppose so. Maybe a specific alien race uses them for helping with digestion or something.

Miles: Jesus..

Satori: Ok...so these things apparently are tiny arachnid-esque creatures with wings that fly into the hosts mouth an-

Miles: Hold on, what?!

Satori: What is it now??

Miles: Am I the only one picking up on how obviously similar this shit is to the butterflies in Peacemaker??

Hunter: Beats me. I've never seen it.

Miles: Think about it- flying insect like creatures who take over the host through their mouth! It's like someone decided to blatantly rip off that show!

Satori: Miles, did you ever consider that maybe, just MAYBE, the writers of Peacemaker knew how parasites worked???

Miles: Fuck if that's true, there are probably billions more parasites out there that work differently!

Satori: But that- ok, you know what? Fine, you want a difference so bad, here. They don't take over the host. They just make their body into a hive from which their young can feed on the internal organs and then hatch when the time is right.

Miles: So...Xenomorphs.

Satori: Miles McHaley, I swear to every god that exists, if I hear ONE MORE POP CULTURE COMPARISON out of your fucking mouth during the remainder of this mission, I will personally see to you being sealed into the Otherrealm. You hear me??

Miles: Ok, ok, yeesh.

Hunter: So where do we go now? I'd rather not hang out in an alley in New Mexico forever.

Satori: Well, the first thing we gotta do is take these parasites out. Then we have to locate the guy who exposed this, then insert some sort of memory-wiping cognitohazard in one of his videos, to erase the minds of those who believe him.

Miles: Jesus. This place is an absolute ghost town.

Satori: Well, yeah. I presume everyone here in Roswell somehow got taken over.

Hunter: Hold on, though. Why aren't there any bodies lying around?

Satori: That's a good question. Usually these fucks just leave their hives wherever. Maybe they already got cleaned up?

Miles: Wait a second. Didn't Alistair say someone left the title card in 1947?

Satori: Yeah? What about it?

Miles: Well, that's when the Roswell incident happened.

Hunter: Do you think they witnessed it?

Miles: We should definitely ask once we've found more info.

Satori: Wait, do you hear that?

Hunter: Not really?

Satori: Oh, sorry. Forgot you're not wearing Soundwave Amplifiers, hold on-

A strange whirring sound starts filling up the ears of the two boys.

Miles: What the hell? Is it coming from the International UFO Museum and Research Center?

Hunter: Well, if there's one place parasites would be living, it'd definitely be a tourist trap gift shop.

Cut to inside the museum.

Miles: I gotta hand it to New Mexicans. They market like absolute kings.

Hunter: Miles, it's just a bunch of fake documents hung and nailed on a pegboard. I feel like I'm in a goddamn garage.

Satori walks through another door.

Satori: Nothing substantial in there. Just a group of shoddily made animatronic aliens and a life-size alien autopsy diorama. The former is entertaining for about 6 seconds if you have more then 3 braincells. The latter has probably given kids nightmares.

Miles: I hate this place.

Hunter: The whirring is getting closer, though. We should go see the gift shop.

Miles: Oh wow! Glow in the dark coffee mugs that cost 40 dollars. Yippee.

Cut to inside the gift shop.

Miles: Ok, I'll admit. This UFO drone is pretty cool.

Satori: Miles, you could go to the Robotics department and ask for a personalized drone any day of the week. Do not spend your money on that.

Miles: Wasn't planning on it.

He slowly slips the drone into the Quantum Backpack.

Hunter: Guys? I think I'm getting warmer.

Miles: Well yeah, we're in a museum in New Mexico with practically 0 ventilation.

Hunter: No, I mean I think the sound is getting closer.

Satori: He's right. Look for clues. Anything, secret entrances, codes, markings, tracks, whatev-

Miles: Check the cash register.

Satori: Excuse me?

Miles: I said check the cash register. Maybe its a number pad to put a code in.

Satori: What??

Hunter: Uh..looks pretty standard to me.

Miles: Maybe the code is a date or something.

Satori: Alright, lets use the day the reported story came out. June 26, 1947 so...4...2...6...1...9..4..7..

Suddenly the cashier beeped, and it opens, revealing money.

Hunter: Wow. that was so informative.

Hunter picks up a very suspicious looking dollar, but isn't paying attention.

Hunter: Maybe we AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

He teleports away.

Satori: HUNTER!

Miles: WHAT THE FUCK?!

The two practically scramble to touch the dollar themselves. They both teleport behind an awestruck Hunter.

Satori: Where are we?

They end up in a large white room, full of random objects everywhere.

Hunter: Wait, I think I found the source of the w-

It's a microwave heating a burrito.

???: Oh, hi. I didn't expect visitors today!

Miles: Who in the blue hell are you?

A green classic-looking alien stands before them, wearing a tattered delivery outfit.

???: Uh..hi. My name is Zik.

Hunter: Well, uh, it's nice to meet you, Zik.

Satori: So what are you doing in here? And why are there kitchen appliances everywhere?

Zik: So you know how those parasites were from a delivery service?

Miles: Yeah?

Zik: I'm the delivery guy.

Zik shows the 3 his badge. It says he delivers for a company called Starlight Pharmeceuticals.

Hunter: So why exactly were you delivering parasites?

Zik: The guys who ordered them are part of a species that uses them to help with indigestion.

Miles: God fucking dammit.

Satori: Hold on, why did you end up crashing?

Zik: My craft got struck by lightning. I managed to survive the crash but the parasites weren't so lucky. Almost all of them died, while the remainder of them escaped and wiped out the town.

Hunter: How long did you end up living here?

Zik: 75 years.

Miles: Well, you don't look a day over 27, Zik.

Zik: Aw, thanks.

Satori: But in all seriousness, we're here to ask if you know anything about these parasites. If they can be killed.

Zik: Oh, they can be killed alright. However, after feeding on a human's internal organs, they do end up growing significantly larger. So be careful about that.

Satori: Any weaknesses?

Zik: Well, they're practically oversized bugs. Like Xenomorphs. Anything can kill them, a bullet, a stab, an explosion, whatever.

Miles: HAH! SEE?

Satori sighs.

Satori: Well, thanks for the help, Zik. If you need anything, just give us a call. 1-800-253-7465.

Zik: Alright. The exit's that way.

The three walk over to the exit door, but it's locked.

Zik: Heh.

Hunter: I should have seen that coming.

Zik: I can't believe you morons actually believed me? I mean, seriously? A fucking lightning bolt taking down a state of the art UFO? I crashed this baby on purpose.

Miles: Yeah, in retrospect, that does seem kind of stupid.

Zik: You see, friends. I'm no ordinary delivery boy. I'm the hivemind that controls these bitches. They're my servants and will do my every bidding.

Miles: So this means they're not used for indigestion?

Zik: Oh no, they are.

Miles: SHIT!

Zik: But l like using them to take over planets instead.

Zik: Now, fall by the wrath of the great and powerful Zik!

Miles: Dude, you really need a good supervillain name.

Zik: Yeah, that's fair. How does "The Hive" sound?

Hunter: Golden. Stick with that.

The Hive: Alright, now that we have that out of the way-

The Hive summons two giant parasites from the ground.

The Hive: It's time you all face the wrath of The Hive!

Satori: Wait, hold on..isn't The Hive already a DC villain team?

The Hive: Yeah, well, DC ripped off Namor and now Aquaman's one of their biggest heroes and is played by Jason Momoa, so they can eat shit if they want to sue me.

Miles: You know what? That's fair.

The Hive: GET THEM!

The two large parasites rush towards the team. They all jump out of the way, with Miles pulling out the High-Density Compression Launcher.

[SINK HIGH-DENSITY COMPRESSION LAUNCHER

Weapon Type: Ranged

Usage: Infinite

Clearance Level Needed: 4

Description:Air may be the thing that gives you life, but if you manage to get under the hit list of SINK, it might just be the thing that takes your life as well. The HDCL, or the "Airzooka" as affectionately nicknamed by agents, manipulates and compresses the surrounding negative space and barometric pressure of the atmosphere to create high-density explosive projectiles that act with 10x the explosive force of a standard grenade. However, in order to avoid recoil, the gun is carefully calibrated to avoid causing shockwaves that can kill the user.

Availability: IN USE]

Miles: Blam! Blam! Blam!

One parasite explodes into purple blood after being hit by an air blast. The other rushes towards Satori, who simply holds out her hand and creates a barrier, stopping the parasite in its tracks.

[SINK INERTIA-NEGATING BARRIER

Weapon Type: Protective

Usage: Infinite

Clearance Level Needed: 3

Description: All things need to build up some inertia and momentum in order to move. Or else, how would they get anywhere? Well, you can answer that question with the Inertia-Negating Barrier. Taking the form of a simple bracelet to avoid suspicion, when activated, the INB can cancel any and all forms of inertia, whether it be a moving enemy or moving object. However, it does have a weakness as it can be broken if the user is unable to focus on what they want to be negated. Meaning, if there are multiple enemies attack at once, they have a higher chance of eliminating the barrier.

Availability: IN USE]

Satori: Hunter.

Hunter: Got it.

Hunter quickly grabs the parasite with the Ignition Gauntlets, melting it alive.

The Hive: Damn. You guys are more capable than I thought. Oh well, strength in numbers.

More parasites start flying out of nowhere and attack the agents. They fight back using their usual weapons.

Satori activates her Neural Thought Transmitter.

Satori, in her mind: Guys! He's the hivemind, remember? Kill him, kill them all!

Hunter and Miles smile at each other and turn to nod at Satori.

The Hive: What, what the fuck are you guys doing? Is this some weird human thing?

Miles: Sure, you can call it that.

He aims the HDCL at The Hive. He fires and Hive narrowly manages to dive away. However, he gets his leg blown off.

The Hive: AAAAAAAAAARGH!

The parasites begin to limp and look significantly weaker.

Satori: Wait, what?

Hunter: Sheesh, when he said hivemind he really meant it.

Satori: PERFECT! This means if we take out the head...

Miles: Goodbye goes the brain of the rest.

The Hive: WHAT?!?!

Miles: Blam! Blam! Blam! Blam! Blam!

Miles continuosly fires shots to the point where The Hive is nearly completely limbless.

The Hive: N-no..The Hive: Hey-hey wait! We can make a deal! You told me whatever you need, right? Please, come on! You have no idea how mu-

Blam. His head is blown off.

Miles: Man, that guy needed to shut the hell up.

They look around and start seeing all the parasites begin to die from braindeath.

Miles: Perfect. Now, all we need to do is erase the memories of everyone who believes this is real.

Satori: Hold on, let me check out the video again.

Satori turns on the video.

Mattias Patterson: Hey dudes! MattPatt here, and once again back with another bombshell that the government continues to hide!

Hunter: Hey...wait-

Miles: What?

Hunter: Look! In the background!

It's the same microwave that was making the whirring sound, heating the same burrito.

Miles: What in the...

Satori glares at the two others.

Satori: Search. The room. Now.

They begin scoruing every crack and crevice of the room, until finally-

Miles: Oh, Jesus Christ.

It's the skin of Mattias.

Satori: Wait-

Satori scans the skin with her goggles. All signs point to artificial material.

Hunter: This sick freak decided to create a human skin and then wear it?? He was practically broadcasting his plans to the whole fucking world!

Satori: Because he knew no one would believe him. He could launch a pre-emptive strike and no one would see it coming.

Miles: I guess the dude seriously underestimated the stupidity of humanity.

Hunter: Rather the gullibleness of it. They'll believe anything.

Satori: Oh the bitter irony.

Hunter: Well, it won't be hard to disprove this guy now. We just gotta fabricate some shit that he's a fraud.

Satori: I've got this.

Satori taps her goggles and a holographic keyboard projects in front of her. She begins typing.

Satori: I'll pass the parasites off as some failed science experiment that escaped, pass off Mattias as a liar who commits tax evasion, annnd there's already a plentiful amount of people who don't believe the Roswell incident actually involved a UFO. We should be fine from here.

Hunter: What about the emptiness of the town?

Satori: Fill it up with clones.

Hunter: And the UFO itself?

Satori: Well, remember how the time guys retrieved the title card from 1947?

Hunter: Yeah?

Satori: Their real mission was to replace the UFO with a broken weather balloon. The title card was just a weird side thing that occurred out of happenstance. They went back after returning the card to Storage.

Miles: Ohhh.

Hunter: Well, l think we're done here.

Satori: Home?

Miles: You know it.

The three exit the building and warp away.

Elsewhere...

Laura is sleeping on a couch in her office. Suddenly, her eyes open and they burn a bright cyan. Her face assumes a terrified expression.

Laura: He's out...

THE END