LeDoc

From ASMS Wiki

*If you know any other LeDoc facts, contribute them to this page. Valid quotes are also accepted.*

LeDoc is the God/Legendary Pokemon of the ASMS. His knowledge of science allows him to teleport instantaneously to behind any pole and appear whenever a student sits on a desk, and the subsequent rage that follows can defeat even the hardiest ASMS Veteran. His sidekick is his faithful zucchini, which he grew himself.

## Some LeDoc Quotes

* "There are lots of lies in chemistry"
* "Look at the power of the spreadsheet. Look! here's the answer"
* "Have you downloaded the syllabus yet?"
* "Stop copying their wrong answers"
* "My hard drive crashed so I had to stay up all night to re-write today's test"

## Some facts about LeDoc

* Some people wear superman pajamas; Superman wears LeDoc pajamas.
* LeDoc is 3 of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse.
* LeDoc will never have a heart attack, his heart isn't foolish enough to attack him.
* LeDoc is the reason Wally is in hiding.
* When the Boogieman goes to sleep he checks under his bed for LeDoc.
* LeDoc has already been to Mars, that is why there is no life there.
* If you have a dollar and LeDoc has a dollar, LeDoc has more money that you.
* LeDoc can sneeze with his eyes open.
* Someone once asked LeDoc what is real name was. LeDoc didn't reply, he just stared at him until he exploded.
* LeDoc eats a bowl of Diamonds every morning for breakfast.
* If tapped, a 5 second beam from LeDoc's eye Laser could power every house in Australia for 8 years.
* LeDoc cannot lie. If LeDoc says something, it becomes true.
* LeDoc stubbed his toe once. It knocked Tasmania off the mainland.
* If LeDoc even looks at a beverage it will immediately change into Farmers Union Iced Coffee (if it's already a Farmers Union Iced Coffee it will refill.)
* Death once had a near LeDoc experience
* LeDoc has counted to infinity. Twice.
* There is no chin behind LeDoc's beard. Only science.
* Once on a high school maths test LeDoc put "science" as every answer. He got an A+ because LeDoc can solve all of his problems with science.
* LeDoc CAN touch this.
* Scottie Carter can throw a football really far. LeDoc can throw Scottie even further.
* Superman has 2 weaknesses. Kryptonite, and a LeDoc eye laser.
* LeDoc ordered a Big Mac at Subway. And got one.
* A handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to LeDoc and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
* According to the Encyclopedia Britannica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that LeDoc sciences.
* Bill Gates lives in constant fear that LeDoc's PC will crash.
* Champions are the breakfast of LeDoc.
* Crop circles are LeDoc's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
* Fool me once, shame on you. Fool LeDoc once and he will science you in the face.
* If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but LeDoc says its beef, then it's fucking beef.
* If you ask LeDoc what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he science blasts you in the face.
* If you spell LeDoc in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
* If you spell LeDoc wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean LeDoc?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
* In 1991, LeDoc shot a 14 on an 18-hole golf course, falling short of his personal best by 2 strokes.
* In an average living room there are 1,242 objects LeDoc could use to science, including the room itself.
* It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. LeDoc can go up Niagara Falls in a tissue box.
* Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. LeDoc can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
* LeDoc' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools LeDoc.
* LeDoc can build a snowman out of rain.
* LeDoc can delete the Recycling Bin.
* LeDoc can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
* LeDoc can drown a fish.
* LeDoc can have both feet on the ground and blast ass at the same time.
* LeDoc can science you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What the Hell was that?"
* LeDoc can kill two stones with one bird.
* LeDoc can make a paraplegic run for his life.
* LeDoc can play the violin with a piano
* LeDoc can slam revolving doors.
* LeDoc can speak braille.
* LeDoc can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon
* LeDoc can strangle you with a cordless phone.
* LeDoc can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
* LeDoc died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
* LeDoc discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which LeDoc is even more badass than in this one. When Albert Einstein discovered it and made public, LeDoc scienced him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
* LeDoc does not sleep. He waits.
* LeDoc doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
* LeDoc doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
* LeDoc doesn't churn butter. He science blasts the cows and the butter comes straight out.
* LeDoc doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
* LeDoc' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because LeDoc will not take shit from anyone.
* LeDoc drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
* LeDoc eats the core of an apple first.
* LeDoc invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Science.
* LeDoc is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
* LeDoc is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will science you in the face.
* LeDoc is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
* LeDoc is the only person on the planet that can science you in the back of the face.
* LeDoc never retreats; he just attacks in the opposite direction.
* LeDoc once scienced a man in the soul.
* LeDoc once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
* LeDoc originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to science. When asked bout this "glitch," LeDoc replied, "That's no glitch."
* LeDoc owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
* LeDoc plays Russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver... and wins.
* LeDoc runs Windows 8 on his Etch-a-Sketch.
* LeDoc sleeps with a night-light. Not because LeDoc is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of LeDoc
* LeDoc sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled science ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, LeDoc scienced the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
* LeDoc uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
* LeDoc was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
* LeDoc was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to LeDoc's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious science-blast related injuries.
* M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that LeDoc can touch this.
* Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. LeDoc has 72... and they're all poisonous.
* Once a cobra bit LeDoc' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
* Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution, who entered space after LeDoc scienced them in the face.
* Police label anyone attacking LeDoc as a Code 45-11… a suicide.
* Some kids piss their name in the snow. LeDoc can piss his name into concrete.
* Someone once tried to tell LeDoc that eye-lasers aren't the best way to blast someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
* Someone once videotaped LeDoc getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
* The chief export of LeDoc is science.
* The LeDoc military unit was not used in the game Civilisation 4, because a single LeDoc could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
* The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep LeDoc out. It failed miserably.
* The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. LeDoc 3. Cancer.
* The only time LeDoc was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
* The quickest way to a man's heart is with LeDoc' fist.
* The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with LeDoc.
* There are no steroids in baseball. Just players LeDoc has breathed on.
* There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures LeDoc allows to live.
* Time waits for no man. Unless that man is LeDoc.
* When LeDoc enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on; he turns the dark off.
* When LeDoc gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
* When LeDoc goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a handgun and a bucket.
* When LeDoc looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between LeDoc and LeDoc.
* When LeDoc sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to science. LeDoc has not had to pay taxes, ever.
* When LeDoc looks at a piano, it plays this to avoid incurring his wrath.
* If Chuck Norris fought a tyrannosaurus rex, LeDoc would win.
* LeDoc once bought a cat and left it at the RSPCA centre in the box under strict 'no touch' instructions, we now know this as Schroedinger's cat.
* LeDoc can create a stone he cannot lift.
* The last time LeDoc passed wind, he named it Katrina.
* LeDoc fell out of a plane over Japan on the 6th August 1945, the survivors proceeded to name him 'Little Boy'. Upon hearing this insult, he killed them.
* ASMSians not assigned to LeDoc's classes must perform a sacrifice of one Farmers Union Ice Coffee every new moon for as long as they are at the ASMS or they will be assigned to LeDoc's class.