Rebabone, Kektuncy

**Rebabone, Kektuncy** is one of the world's largest cities (as well as the only city left in the world after The August Apocalypse on August 2, 2020). Located in the great state of Kektuncy, Rebabone was founded on the day the Earth was created, by God, when he sent a massive asteroid from space that ended up crashing into Earth, which formed Lake Hell on the shores of Rebabone. Soon after, countless whores and crackheads began to find comfort in the newly formed town, including Reba McEntire, Lamont J. Slinccy, Vanna White, and Paula Deen, with the latter of those headquartering the longest syndicated television show in world history in Rebabone. The city is famous for exploding every three seconds, and is home to Large Pig.

## History

### Early History

On June 2, 25 B.C., the capital of Kektuncy at the time, Lorenatown, was overtaken by crack sheep, which formed the Nelly Cult, and two weeks after taking over Lorenatown, the cult committed mass suicide. They believed that Lamont J. Slinccy’s big toenail would scoop them up and bring them to heaven, and news broadcasts after this event did indeed show this was true. The capital was then moved to a newly platted town on June 6, Rebabone, named after Reba McEntire, who was arrested 99 times for DUI on Highway 69 in rural Rockcastle County.

### Rebabone Golden Age

The Rebabone Golden Age began in 1 A.D. and lasted until 420, when God sneezed and brought down Lorena from the heavens, and her fatass caused $9999529539295999959959999 trillion (420 USD) in damages, and numerous loraxes were obliterated after being hurled into the Yellowstone Caldera at mach 9999, causing the first massive eruption of Yellowstone, obliterating the founders of Boys, Imahoe 3 seconds after they platted the city.

During this time period, Lamont J. Slinccy was mayor of Rebabone, and would remain so for about another 1,400 years, causing mass destruction and creating ass blaster derechos that would eventually be blamed on HAARP. Under her son’s reign, Grenadine Slinccy would found the Catholic Church in Rebabone, stemming from an interaction she had with Jesus in 33AD where she would send Jesus to the cross, failing to kill him, causing him to rise 3 days later. As a result of her betrayal, Jesus and God teamed up to send Grenadine directly to hell, where she had sex constantly with Satan and his army, allowing her to get sent back to Earth. Upon doing so, she created the Roman Catholic Church and became the first pope. Pope Grenadine’s first orders were to assassinate Jimmy Carter, Charlemagne, and Pat Sajak.

Grenadine’s assassination of Pat Sajak sent his wife, Vanna White, into a horny spiral. This psychotic break culminated with White seducing Lamont by wearing a 24” horse cock strap-on and railing him until he suffered massive internal hemorrhaging. Lamont’s wife, M, witnessed this, resulting in the "Vanna White Slap Scandal", in which M Slinccy violently attacked White with a giant wooden penis, snapping White's spine in half. Slinccy then rode away on her "electric pussy scooter", which later inspired her to write a song with the same name, featuring Cupcakke.
After the Vanna White Slap Scandal, no major incidents would take place in Kektuncy, allowing for Rebabone to flourish into a functioning city and for its citizens to go out and explore neighboring regions, resulting in the founding of nearby settlements such as Satan Rock (later renamed to Janley City), Podunk, and Mount Slinccy in Kektuncy, as well as the states of Tent in Sea, Ohoe, India, and Ill Noise.

### Large Pig

One of the more notable events in Rebabone history, in 666 A.D., Lamont J. Slinccy began to proclaim that a grotesquely large pig would fall from the sky, which was one of the most controversial statements given from an incumbent political figure at the time. Ina Garten, better known as The Barefoot Contessa, would challenge this comment from Slinccy, before on June 6, 666 A.D., the Barefoot Contessa was obliterated by a large pig that fell from the stratosphere at the Rebabone Public Square. Locals began to celebrate this as “Large Pig God Day *, worshiping Large Pig as their god, and in response entombing the pig inside of a statue that was erected at the public square.*

The First Church of Large Pig, Large Pig Cathedral, was then quickly erected in downtown Rebabone, becoming a staple of the town's skyline. For about nine years following this incident, violent snarls would be heard inside of the statue, before it was discovered that Paula Deen was actually encased inside of the statue, instead of Large Pig, becoming known as the “Paula Pig incident.” Paula Deen was then sentenced to crucifixion in Jerusalem, with the event being narrated by Chris from Total Drama Island on live television in 674 A.D. Paula Deen was nailed to a cross, next to Jesus Christ, Jr. However, Deen was suddenly launched into the stratosphere by an unknown force and would not be seen until the next season of Paula Deen's Blast from the Ass.

### Debby Ryan incident (688 AD)

Satan Paul, the second Satan of the United States, was violently murdered by Debby Ryan on the streets of Rebabone in 688 A.D., by beating him into a fine red mist with her massive left big toe. Ryan was charged with murder of a political figure and was sent to execution via firing squad by Lin Wood yet again, after she renounced her faith in former President Donald J. Trump, resulting in Fox News - Rebabone to send nukes onto the Rebabone Public Square, completely incinerating Debby Ryan. A permanent shadow remains of Debby Ryan’s silhouette on the town square.

### Al Qaeda

In 772 AD, an extremist terrorist group, Al Qaeda, moved their new headquarters to Rebabone. At first, there was no problems with the citizens of the city, aside from an occasional car bomb and plane attack, but on April 20, 773, a Boeing 747 aircraft, known as Large Pig Airlines Flight 666, crashed into Large Pig Cathedral, causing everyone in downtown Rebabone to kill themselves while they watched Large Pig turn into bacon inside the church. Ever since this event, Large Pig II was moved to an outside location, and Large Pig Memorial Park was constructed and finished in 776. The terrorist group was kicked out of Rebabone and sent to Imahoe on a "terrorist visa", granted by then Satan, Paul Blart.

### Arrival of Bubonic Plague

During the medieval period of Rebabone, Glog Hapsburg-Maravi contracted an unknown form of a "common cold", where his incest body began to develop buboes, before suddenly falling over dead within 24 hours. Soon after, hundreds of residents in Rebabone began to experience the same symptom-- death. After around 1,300 people died from the mysterious disease, it was revealed on the following episode of Paula Deen's Blast from the Ass that she had cooked the Bubonic Plague using a recipe of fleas, rats, and inbred children.

### The First Arsonist

In 1543, Homini Olskin XVII arrived in Rebabone, with 38 gallons of napalm, 300 tons of gunpowder, 4 canisters of gasoline, and a bright future ahead. One night, "out of nowhere", all 200 square miles of Rebabone were completely decimated by a "nuclear bomb", which actually turned out to be Iquiqan man, Homini Olskin. After every single person in Rebabone died, except for the important people, Olskin was punished via "Rebabone Special", which involved tying Olskin to the tracks of the Rebabone-Lorenaville railroad, which would allow him to be completely flattened by an oncoming train. This ritual was completed with several "hnrrr"s and was disclosed as a "done deal" by Lamont J. Slinccy, and would never be brought up again. However, the event inspired the remaining residents of the city to become obsessive and extreme pyromaniacs. This attracted Jesse Ventura to Rebabone, where he would found the first Femboy Dom Hotel on the shores of Lake Hell, earning trillions of dollars every year before his violent death in 2021 in Ventura, Oregon.

### The Arrival of Janley

In 1900, Lamont J. Slinccy's dyke persona, Janley Manley made her first appearance in Rebabone, after her neck extended 300 miles from neighboring Indiana, destroying a whore house on the north end of the city. Janley would move to the city during the 1910s, and would only be seen when Lamont was not around, leading people to suspect that they were secretly the same person. This was revealed in a speech that Lamont gave on the steps of the Kektuncy Capitol Building, in which he uttered, famously after Sinead O'Connor, "God, I'm a fucking dyke. I hate to admit it...but I'm a fucking dyke." Originally, Lamont took his words back, citing that he was "overcompensating" for someone, who was likely his current wife at the time, M. Eventually, in a 1932 interview, during the Great Depression, Lamont finally caved from the stress of the economic collapse. He admitted that he and Janley were the same, and that it was just an attempt to boost his media presence. However, everyone grew very weary of Janley Manley, which led to seven attempted assassinations between 1932 and 1945, all done by Adolf Hitler. However, after his seventh attempt at killing Janley in 1945, he killed himself in his bunker after killing six million other people in the span of 1939-1945. Lamont began to boost the Rebabonian economy by screaming at the top of his lungs on top of Mt. Slinccy, which people would pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to see.

In 1960, Janley founded the first school in the city, Rebabone High School, as well as Rebabone Elementary School. Janley immediately hired 32 pedophiles from around the city to work as teachers in the schools. The high school was programmed to catch fire every single day around noon, resulting in automatic half-days for the students year-round. The elementary school was headed by Haaaaajjjjjjj Kammmaaajjjjj, who would eventually be arrested for looking like a fucking chode and not for his 600 crimes against humanity committed between 1960-2023.

After Lamont was "kidnapped and put in a peach", Janley took over as Satan in 1969 and would be quoted as "wanting to turn the country into an abortion" before shooting herself on live television on June 6, 1969, which led people to believe that Lamont had finally killed off his dyke persona, but it wasn't enough. Lamont and Janley then began to coexist as God had taken Lamont's ribs and blew dust into them, creating Janley as a separate being with a whole life backstory. Fortunately, Janley was then sent to death by lethal injection but did not show up to her execution, and eventually killed all of her scheduled executors, one by one.

After dealing meth and various hard drugs for 20 years Xandra Xok Abernathy moved to Rebabone, becoming a member of city council. She created the Institute for Cake and LSD, and would serve acid to all of her 57 grandchildren in Rebabone. She was arrested for looking like Marge Simpson about 30 times, but in 2020, Xandra was brutally murdered. Hundreds of Loraxes gathered for the funeral, but ultimately, every single attendant was shoved up Lamont's gaping asshole.

## Education

Rebabone is served by Arson School Corporation. The schools reported 893 deaths in the 2022-23 school year, but the state refuses to shut down the schools as the school corporation has threatened the state with "lethal force" every year since 2006. Current superintendent Jenna Hawaro, who committed suicide in Iquiq and sent to Hell, says that "Children are a violent force that must be dealt with." Hawaro famously beat a teenage child to death in Rettinaro in 2020 before being sent to prison and killing herself in March 2023.

## Health

There are currently no hospitals in Rebabone after they were ruled unconstitutional by the city's government, although the government had no power to claim so and was challenged by the State of Kektuncy, in which the city council murdered the entire jury before a verdict could be made. As a result, the current lifespan in the city is 30 seconds.

## Life

Residents can enjoy violent wildfires daily, as well as an abundance of street pharmacists, and at least two Walmart Supershitcenters to browse and walk around in. Lake Hell offers a great taste of boiling alive, and the December 10 museum features constant music by Katrina and the Waves, which famously played as the Dawson Springs African American Episcopal Church was lifted 37,000 feet into the air during the 2021 Kektuncy tornado, which sent Jack Harlow's corpse flying into the World Trade Center at mach 9803.

## See Also

* Lamont J. Slinccy
* Paula Deen
* Janley Manley
* Vanna White