Um can any of you guys tell me what’s wrong with my stupid sister?

Creator: iia

☀*this was taken from* unsettlingstories and r/nosleep *credit goes to the original author*

.

I know it’s probably silly to ask but since there’s a lot of people here maybe someone knows what’s up? I’m Madison, btw.

But yeah Gina (that’s my sister) is 11 and we just had a fight because she has a boyfriend and I told her she has to wait to have a boyfriend because I had to wait til I was 12 to have a boyfriend but I STILL don’t even have a boyfriend so she DEFINITELY can’t have a boyfriend. You know what I mean? Anyway we were yelling and then she stopped and made these sounds like she couldn’t breathe too good. She was fine after a couple minutes but now she’s just being weird.

I know I could call Mom and Dad but they’re away for the weekend. Mom finally let me babysit for Gina so I’m super worried she’ll get mad if Gina does something dumb like she’s doing now. That’s why I’m asking you nice people for help!

So anyway yeah Gina’s just staring at the ceiling. Like, totally staring. She hasn’t moved or anything and she’s standing in the middle of the living room like a dumb totem pole lol. I know that’s mean and Mom says I shouldn’t call her that just ‘cause she’s tall. But you can call her that if you want haha. Yeah she’s staring at the ceiling.

Just a couple minutes ago I told her I was sick of playing her dumb little kids game and tried to get her to move out of the living room. She didn’t budge. I know she’s tall for her age but she’s not heavy at all but I couldn’t move Gina even a little. I know I shouldn’t have but I started yelling at her again and called her a bunch of names and then I hit her but she still wouldn’t move.

That kinda scared me a little and it’s when I got the idea to ask you guys online. I’m in the living room typing on my phone so I can watch Gina while she’s still doing the same bullstuff. Like, I don’t know if she got cut with a nail and got lockjaw all over her body or something but now while I’m saying all this she’s making noises. Maybe that’s a good thing?

Hmm yeah Gina won’t shut up now and keeps saying weird stuff like God and faces and how the inside of faces taste like faces. Kinda gross right? Now she’s saying my name over and over and over. I HATE IT WHEN SHE SAYS MY NAME A LOT!!

Well I hit Gina again because I’m so mad at her for making me miss my tv show because I’m dealing with all this little girl garbage she’s doing. I know this is why Mom and Dad like me better. Especially Dad. I bet he wouldn’t care if Gina even died lol. No maybe he’d probably care a little.

Oh my God Gina will not shut up! Oh weird she just shut up lol. She’s crying hahah. I bet she finally noticed how mad she made me. But there’s something wrong with her tears they look almost yellow and sometimes darker. They’re thick too. I’m gonna go look closer.

Ew God they smell so gross and they’re all thick and pasty and I can hear them squeezing out of her gross eyes and she’s saying something about the taste of faces again. Anyway I’m going to post this online for you guys and you can tell me what’s wrong with her. I’ll let you know if anything else weird happens! Thx!

## Ok now my brother is all messed up and gross lol.

Lol my brother is so gross I hate him. I wrote about my sister a while back and you guys were total a-word holes about it but it’s okay she’s dead. I got in SO much trouble btw but they were too sad to hit me which is fine because I would’ve called CPS on their butts haha.

But yeah I was watching my baby brother Tommy while my parents were out of state at some election party or something and Tommy just started throwing up. Btw if any of you guys are like “why is she watching her baby brother after her sister died while she was watching her” you can just keep that in yourselves. My parents are weird. I think they’re swingers lol Danica taught me what that meant.

So, like, it wasn’t the normal boob milk puke or anything either it was all red and stringy and ugh. Of course I started thinking about dumb dead Gina and being like how much more awful can my luck get and stuff. Gross Tommy just kept spitting up until his high chair was covered in puke.

It. Smelled. So. Bad. O. M. G.

Anyway I started yelling at him and slapping him so he’d stop but then his eye fell out and I got SO MAD because of COURSE I’d get blamed for it. Then because he hates me he started to laugh and aimed his pukey mouth at me and I got some in my hair.

Of course since I have the best hair in the family I was so grossed out I ran upstairs and took a shower and left my gross brother to finish throwing up and playing with his dumb eye. I snuck into Mom’s cabinet and used her real expensive lotion after because it smelled real good and Tommy’s throw up was making the house smell bad.

While I was making sure my elbows were all nice and moist and sexy (lol) Tommy started yelling. And it wasn’t his normal yell either. It was all deep and loud and vibratey like he was showing off and pretending to be a monster. Such a little creep I hate him.

You ever feel it in your stomach and butt when a real low vibration comes by and its like you gotta go to the bathroom? Well yeah it was like that. So totally nasty and inappropriate. Even though he wasn’t saying anything it was like he was being so crude and just bad mannered. He reminded me SO much of Gina ugh talk about a boring funeral lol.

Like, we don’t have too many people in the family and what was left of Gina was so gross that people took it away to study or something haha. I always used to make fun of her and call her a science experiment and I bet that’s what she is now. It’d be funny if it still hurt for her even though she’s all dead and stuff. Mom doesn’t say anything about god anymore except bad words when she doesn’t think I’m around but I know she does and I’ll tell Dad on her if she’s mean about Tommy’s grossness.

Ugh why am I talking about Gina it’s making me mad. It’s so not my fault but it’s sooooooo nice not to have to share a room anymore. Like I’m in heaven lol.

I wanted to keep putting on the nice lotion but RIGHT ON CUE Tommy apparently fell out of his high chair and managed to get up the stairs because there he was, all walking on his hands backwards or something weird and drooling that stringy puke EVERYWHERE and when he got real close to Dad’s bearskin rug I kicked him away because no way should that get puke on it omg I’d get in so much trouble.

The problem is as soon as I kicked Tommy his head sorta kinda fell off BUT NOT TOTALLY OFF SERIOUSLY it’s still hanging by a little bit of skin. He won’t stop laughing and it’s super obnoxious and now places where his puke didn’t even touch are starting to drip with it. It’s like Tommy knew exactly how to get me in trouble and now he’s doing it like just right there now he bit the cat like totally in half.

Anyways yeah you guys were total deutsche bags (lol thank Danica for that one too) but I need your help if you can control yourselves and not be mean in the comments. How can I get puke out of a carpet and get a new cat that looks like Ms. Flufferbottom and a new baby that looks like Tommy because I seriously think this one’s broken. Like, how does a baby even grow extra legs? So annoying. But yeah help a pretty girl out lol.

## Omg guys why is it so hard to find a boyfriend?

I don’t want to sound racist but I think Kevin is gay lol. Like, my parents were gone haha it seems like they always are and I got Kevin to come over to help me with homework and he was SO not interested in my boobs. I mean, I didn’t show them to him or anything yet but I pushed my shoulders together and made them all big and all he did was look at the homework and then his brain fell out.

I got mad because it was on my new bedspread and its now just like bedspread with brain and it doesn’t match the lavender color AT ALL KEVIN.

But yeah he was all sitting there looking weird and bleeding from the eye his brain fell out of and now he’s making weird sounds. So not sexy Kevin. Srs.

Like, I don’t want to even ask you guys for advice anymore because you’re so not helpful (TOMMY IS FINE BY THE WAY) but okay yeah can someone tell me how to get a brain back into the boy I like?

Lol like sandwich. ^ ^

Before you get all “Madison just pick it up and push it back in where it came out of” I’ll just say I already did that and I just made it worse. Brains are supposed to be one piece right? Yeah um well it plopped out in one piece but when I tried to push it back up his eye hole it, like, fell apart? Yeah.

There’s brain under my nails and I did them just so Kevin would think my fingers are sexy and I guess that’s out of the realm of possibility lol. Unless he’s into brainy fingers. People always tell me I’m super smart.

So yeah. Kevin’s brain is all messed up. He doesn’t seem happy because when I tried to unzip his pants to get a peek (I’m not a perv I wanted to make sure he had enough air because he’s breathing all weird) he grunted and pushed me. Omg if Dad saw him push me omg lol.

I’m just gonna assume you won’t have any good ideas about his brain. And you know what? I didn’t expect any lol you guys are the worst. Jk jk jk you’re not the worst like cancer is the worst. OH BTW

Kevin’s brain kinda came back together but it doesn’t look like brain it’s more like a slug. Remember my cat? Yeah we got a new one. Mr. Flufferbottom was not fine after Tommy. Not fine at all. Anyway now we have a cat called Meowington and he’s eating Kevin's brain slug thing. Kevin's walking around and bumping into stuff and stuff. His pants are still unzipped though. A girl can dream lolol no it’s okay he likes other guys I guess maybe I’ll get a short haircut and he can’t tell because he has no brain.

Ok, I guess I’ll mention that one other thing.

You know my friend Danica I mentioned last time? Yeah, she was in my closet trying to record all the sex I was gonna have with Kevin before his brain got all clumsy. Anyway, I think it might have turned out Danica was pregs because she died or something and a baby ????????? like fell out of her.

You know how babies are supposed to be all cute and cuddly like stupid Tommy? Yeah, no. Danica’s baby is like an octopus. But with people legs. With lots and lots of knees. And yeah it’s eating Danica. Which is so not baby food. Danica only ate junk food which is probably why she died I’m gonna totally take her phone she has a 7 and I only have a 6s thanks Mom.

I’m all trying to write this to you people and there’s so much going on they’re interrupting the heck out of me. So Danica baby is done eating Danica and now it crawled in Kevin’s head and only one of the legs is sticking out his eye and Meowington finished eating the slug brain and is getting all hairbally and Kevin, bless his gay heart, is just sitting on the bed looking at me.

He looks so cute guys. I swear, if it wasn’t for the weird baby leg flopping all over his face I’d totally let him touch it. Jk I’d still let him. Hang on.

No he didn’t want to. Oh well. Guys I’m so unlucky it’s really not fair. I’m, like, really pretty. I know you pervs are gonna keep sending me pics of your things and I support your decision because you can’t help yourselves but it’s not the same. I love Kevin. Kevin and his no brain and weird baby head. But it’s not meant to be.

You know what? I’m gonna find Kevin a boyfriend. Then I bet he’ll love me back. Bbl!!

## Haha guys my parents think I'm a virgin but I’m kinda, like... not lol.

Yeah so for those who don’t know me I’m Madison. I told a story about my stupid sister, then my gross brother, then my poor hot gay friend Kevin. If you don’t know those stories, I kinda hate you because they’re really important and like who the h\*ck do you think you are coming in here and acting like you’re going to read about my first time and not care about the other things that are happening in my life? You should go, like, assistant manage a small diner or something just as sad lol.

Omg anyway guess what? I’M GONNA TELL YOU A STORY!! :D

This is gonna sound soooooo creepy and weird but you’ll read it anyway because I’m awesome and it’s fun to read stuff about people who are better than you lol. Omg btw I love Katniss Evergreen. Random. But yeah don’t worry it’s not like it was my uncle or anything gross like a dog or hippo or something.

Ok so maybe like 18 months ago this really cute guy snuck into my room. You know how vampires have to get invited into your room before they can come in your room and visit you in your room? Yeah this wasn’t like that because he wasn’t a vampire. This guy just kinda came in through the window and sat on the side of my bed.

I was like what are you doing here and got all mad because I didn’t have my hair right and I was wearing my ugly fleecy pants instead of my hot fleecy pants and he was okay looking but not like stupid Kevin’s hot dumb brainless head but I didn’t know Kevin back then so he was better than okay I guess.

I wanted to call Dad to come beat the guy up but there was something about him that was kinda cool. He was like gray like a rock or a cloud or gay poetry stuff and had cool red eyes and a really big mouth. He started rubbing my hair which was annoying but I couldn’t move for some reason then he whispered in my ear:

“Madison you’re going to be a mom someday.” Then his fingers got really long and skinny and he put them behind my eyes.

I was like um gross and no thank you but I didn’t say it because I still couldn’t move and then everything got all dark and I woke up kinda sore and stuff. And ew not there.

And that’s the story! You guys are lucky I’m good at setting a mood otherwise that would’ve seemed even weirder and creepier than it was.

But yeah, that was my first time with the gray man.

Wanna know why I’m telling you all this? Obv you do lol.

Welllllllllllllllllll GUYS I’M GONNA BE A MOM!!!

Ok ok ok you can’t tell my parents but it’s not like they can see the little baby yet anyway because it’s growing behind my eyes but I can already feel its tiny little hands pushing on the eye cords or whatever they’re called. Good thing I’m not ticklish lol.

There’s only one person I told and that’s poor gay Kevin so I could make him feel jealous but he just kinda drooled and said uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhh because he’s annoying but so hot but I know he wished he was the one who put it in me and not the gray man. It’s funny because I’d forgotten all about the gray man until the little baby started growing over the weekend! It’d been years and I thought babies were made in nine months and in a uterus but mine is gonna be cool so that’s why it’s different.

Another weird thing - I’ve always always always hated babies! I was so happy when my little brother died and until he came back I had to hear him crying and stuff every time I bent his knee back when Mom or Dad wasn’t looking. But now, I’m so excited to be a mom. What could be better than another little Madison running around? Literally nothing, that’s what.

I’m going to be the coolest mom. I’ll let my baby have parties and vape and talk to Black God and wear whatever she wants and never have to learn Spanish if she doesn’t want.

Check this out - when Gina died it was exactly one year after the gray man came to visit. I never even connected that! I was so excited to have my bedroom all to myself I didn’t even think of the dates being the same! Btw guys it is SO COOL to still have a room to myself and I won’t even mind sharing with the baby.

But yeah at school I didn’t want to tell people about the baby except Kevin but get this! Karen said something bad about my hair and said it wasn’t really blonde but brown like I’m an Italian or something and I got real mad and all of the sudden a little baby hand came out of my eye and cut Karen’s throat open lol. NOBODY saw it happen, either! Karen was laughing at me and then her neck was all shooting blood and stuff and she died and everyone was sad and I pretended to be sad but I wasn’t sad even though I have to go to a little vigil and say I’m sad.

I’m so not sad. My baby is awesome and I’m so glad the gray man put it in me. I just don’t know when I’m going to tell my parents. It seems like they’re never home anymore.

## Guuuuuuuuuuuuuys I'm saaaaaaaaaaaaad :(

So, um, remember when I told you about the baby I’m gonna have? Me too, lol. It’s gonna be so great. Oh but yeah that’s not why I’m sad.

You know how my parents aren’t really ever around and stuff? Yeah, it turns out they like...stopped living? Like a while ago? And I’ve been living with foster parents for like a year?

Haha no jk they’re fine but they’re on vacation lol. It’s cool they know how mature I am and let me be alone and watch my stupid brother even though my dumb sister got all dead and stuff. But yeah here’s why I’m sad. And no, it’s not poor gay Kevin (I call him Gaykev now.)

I promised my parents I’d go to church on Wednesday night and I did thank you very much. I walked all the way over there and went down all those flights of stairs and sat at mass for five hours until the Gift stopped bleeding. And breathing lol.

I told some of the other people at church about the baby but it seemed like they already knew about the baby and I was like um okay so why are you asking how I’m doing when you know I’m awesome because I’m having a baby that you already know about for some reason. Yuck. The Hierophant was nice and he gave me a hug once he washed all the Gift’s blood off his hands haha I said I didn’t mind but he wanted to be polite because I have really pretty hair.

Anyway yesterday I went to talk to Gaykev about the baby and see if he wants to make out or something just to practice because boys have mouths not too different from girls. Not as pretty as mine though lol. Don’t send me more messages pervs.

So Gaykev’s brain is getting a little better so he drooled pretty intelligently for someone with a lot of missing brain and said something like “ummmmmmmmmmfffff” when I asked about being a daddy so I took that as a yes and started kissing him. Did you know that drool tastes like a mouth? I guess it kinda makes sense but I never really thought about it but yeah drool is all mouthy.

But guys here’s why I’m sad: I think Gaykev stayed gay because he didn’t really get into it except to drool a lot more. He didn’t say ANYTHING about wanting to be Katniss’s daddy. I didn’t want anyone to think I got rejected so I just pushed him away and said not to touch me anymore. No one noticed. It was nice.

But I’m still sad. I don’t want Katniss to grow up without a daddy in her life. Sure, that gray man who put Katniss up me is technically her dad and there’s always Black God and even my dumb aunt is all about this Bill Lemarie or something guy but it’s not the same.

Gaykev is such daddy material. Unf.

Btw my aunt is REALLY annoying. I get it - my uncle was sad and had to go out on a boat and die all slow and stuff. But h\*ck, Aunt Lisa, why do you have to be all dramatic about it? Like, we have Gaykevs for that type of thing. There’s really nothing artsy about what you do so how about like you just stop being so drama llamay and just move on lol. It’s so not attractive, like, you’ll never get another uncle for me that way.

Yeah Katniss is kinda pushing at the inside of my eyes now which is kinda cute but tickles a lot and makes stuff blurry for a little while. It’s like looking into a glass that’s filled with corn syrup or Gaykev drool or something not that I ever collected it and drank it haha.

So yeah one more interesting thing that you’re gonna read because you think I’m sweet and adorbs. The Hierophant was at my doorstep first thing this morning when I went out to go to school OMG HOLD ON

Guys I totally realized while I was writing this that I hadn’t fed Tommy since my parents left and, like, UGH WHY IS IT SO EASY TO ACCIDENTALLY KILL LITTLE KIDS SO ANNOYING.

So the Hierophant was there and he touched my forehead in front of where little Katniss was sleeping and then asked me to take a bite out of something that was kinda cold and meaty and had veins in it. But I felt pretty good after.

Ok I have to go do something about Tommy or else I’m going to get in a lot of trouble. But I’m not sad anymore now that I got all this out. I’ll ttyl losers haha no you’re not really losers except for all of you who totally are.

## Guys I think my baby just died lol

HI GUYS IT’S YA GIRL MADISON! AND GUESS WHAT?! I HAD MY BABYYYYYYYY! AND SHE DIIIIIIIIIED! Well, I think she did. Not really sure yet. Maybe you can help me!! (Probs not though because almost all of you are like r-word tarded haha)

So remember my dumb sister Gina and then my gross brother and my sad story about not finding a boyfriend and then learning I’m not a virgin anymore and then why I was sad? Wow that’s a lot to know! But you should know it if you don’t because I’m like awesome lol. MADISON!

Yeeeeeeah so like I was having headaches and I mind-told Gaykev back at home and he was like “uuuuuuuuuuuugggflflflflf” so I regular-told the school nurse and she had me go home. Mom picked me up and then had to go back to work, so she left me there alone. Then, like, I started to bleed out my eyes lol it was hilarious kinda like I was crying blood but I wasn’t crying because I was watching the nice black man on TV with all the funny answers to questions but yeahhhh blood! Out my eyes!

I thought it was a little weird if I do say so myself (I love saying if I do say so myself it makes me sound so sophisticated if I do say so myself lol) so I called the Hierophant and he came over like RIGHT AWAY and made it seem like a BIG DEAL. I don’t see what the big deal was. I love Katniss but if she died it wouldn’t be that big a deal I guess babies die all the time. Especially around me lololol shhhhhhh.

Annnnnywayyyyyyyy the Hierophant had me lie down and he said stuff like chanting about “bodies in bodies and bodies of bodies” and “Black God” and all that then everything got SUPER BLURRY I swear it was like Gaykev was drooling in my eyes again but he was chained up out back so I know it couldn’t have been him but like it was still warm and drooly but like DROOLY ENERGY you know? I bet you know.

I felt a ton of pressure behind my eyes like Katniss was kicking again but then it started to itch a LOT and the Hierophant reached down and took his finger and like pushed my eye allllllllll the way to the side and it hurt a lot but then there was this sucking noise and with my other eye I saw him pulling something that looked like clumps of fettuccine out. Guys guys guys guys guys. I gotta tell you something: I LOVE FETTUCCINE.

So like you have to expect when I love something as much as I love fettuccine I’m gonna talk about it when I see it so when the Hierophant was pulling out the fettuccine I kept telling him how much I love fettuccine and that fettucine is my favorite and asking him if he’d share the fettuccine with Katniss while he’s in there and whether or not he was interested in eating the fettuccine with me and can you believe it? He told me to be quiet! I was so super surprised because he never told me anything like that before and I was just trying to communicate - like communication is GOOD for people but no he thought his work was more important so he just kept pulling and pulling the stuff out.

I guess I went to sleep because when I woke up he was still there and still pulling and he was like “I’m almost done Madison” and I was like “good because I can’t wait to eat fettuccine” and then he finally said “Madison that isn’t fettuccine” and I was like “what are you talking about it looks like fettuccine” and he said “shh” so I did but I still thought about fettuccine.

Like AN HOUR LATER he was all done and he let me sit up. On the floor near the couch was a big ol pile of stuff that looked a h\*ck of a lot like fettuccine but I guess I could tell it wasn’t even though I still wanted some. It was really clumpy and stringy and smelled pretty bad and I was like “did Katniss make that” and the Hierophant just said “Madison that is Katniss.”

GUYS I WAS SO SHOCKED. Like, I’d expected a baby-baby. Not a weird wormy fettuccine baby. It took me a second and I stared at the Hierophant thinking he was making some kind of joke but he just kept chanting stuff over the pile of not-fettuccine and it hit me. Guys. IT WAS KATNISS! My little girl!

Well I got off the couch and hugged the pile of Katniss fettuccine and it kinda like wriggled and sighed and right then I felt what all new moms must feel when they hold their baby for the first time, like oh my God.

So like we snuggled for a little while and Katniss crawled around in my hair and stuff and I tried to like stick my boob in her a couple times in case she was hungry but she didn’t seem interested which was fine because like I thought it was weird to have my boob out in the living room lol. But yeah the Hierophant said one last then then Katniss STOPPED MOVING GUYS.

I was freaking out like oh my god Katniss are you okay but the Hierophant just said “she’s dead Madison” and I was just like oh, okay but like she’s still my baby and stuff and we can do things with her now that she isn’t stuck to life anymore right and the Hierophant was like “yeah that’s what we’ve been waiting all this time for.”

So AWESOME, right? I had my baby, my baby died, and now all the great stuff can finally start. The Hierophant is leading Gaykev into the living room and starting to stuff pieces of Katniss back into his dumb brainless head lol I love ya Gaykev and you know I think he’s actually getting smarter as more Katniss gets stuffed in there?

Right before he left, the Hierophant chained Gaykev up again and took some Katniss and swallowed her. “Bodies in bodies,” he said to me as he left. “Bodies of bodies!!” I yelled back. Lol I don’t know what any of it means but it sounds cool and I think a lot of fun stuff is gonna happen. I sure hope it’s fettuccine if I do say so myself.

## Omg I just wrote the SCARIEST story. It’s about the WOODS lol.

So once upon a time there was this really pretty girl. Let’s call her……..Madison lol. It’s okay no one will mind if I use my real name haha. But yeah she was the prettiest girl in the whooooooole forest. Like she’s just like part of nature and walks around naked with her long pretty hair covering her boobs and has like a big foresty beev lol and the animals bring her food and love her and stuff.

It’s like Disney!

I kinda don’t want to keep going with that it’s boring lol but anyway yeah I looooooooove the woods. Me and Gaykev got told by the Hierophant to go to a super important spot like way deep in the forest and just like wait. FINE BY ME!

Guys I know it’s been a while since I talked to you but I gotta say, like, me and Gaykev got super close. Like mad super close lololol.

DRAMATIC PAUSE, GUYS

Ok no not close like he’s the real brave Disney explorer in the woods who sees my big Disney-after-dark forest beev and wants to put a baby up it lolololol but close like we live together now! It’s like a dream come true right? I never thought my parents would allow something like that!

Well I guess I know why. I still think it’s because he’s totes gay. But ever since he got my lil girly Katniss stuffed in his head and she ate the remains of Danica’s weird octopus baby that I totally forgot about he got smart again! Like he can say stuff that isn’t “hnnnnnnuuugughg” and “phlef” when you ask him questions lol.

For real!

Like the other day when I got off the phone with the Hierophant when he told us we had to go in the forest I yelled down from my room “GAYKEV WE GOTTA GO INTO THE FOREST” he actually walked up the stairs and came to the door and said….get this… “UUUUUUUGFRRRHG.”

Lolololol so yeah I was kidding he still talks as r-word tarded as ever but I think he’s getting better at taking directions like I won’t be like “Gaykev can you take out the garbage before my parents get home” and I won’t come downstairs to him trying to fit a knife between his front teeth again. He’ll take out the garbage. Then he’ll do the thing with the knife and his teeth. Yeah. He just really likes that. It’s so weird lol.

But yeah! Forest!

Gaykev and me walked down the street to the dead end and headed into the woods. It was SUPER cold and I was hoping Gaykev could see my nips through my parka. It’s one of those Canada Goose ones and I love it, omg. Thanks Santa! Sorry about your, um, wife. But that’s for another story haha.

We walked and walked and walked through the woods and I was getting really sick of seeing all the animals just, like, fall down dead. It’s like okay we get it you stupid squirrels, you like to just pop whenever we walk under a tree where you’re sitting like you’re those big zits Gaykev gets on his shoulders. Maybe you can, oh I don’t know, wait until we’re far enough away that you don’t get your blood and guts and buttholes all over my Christmas parka? So rude lol.

Yeah so after a couple hours I checked my phone and it looked like we were getting close to where the Hierophant told us to go. Gaykev looked soooooo cute walking next to me. I mean, if you ignore all the deer fur and raccoon teeth and squirrel eyes stuck to his coat and pants lol. I could ignore it. He’s my bae and no amount of dead stuff can ruin that. Omg that would be such a good title for a book you guys.

I gotta admit I was soooo ready to quote unquote accidentally rub my butt up against Gaykev but it felt all weird and stuff having Katniss watching through the new eyes she grew for him even though I bet she’d be all like “yeah go get it Moms” I just didn’t want to do anything inappropriate for children because that’s wrong.

I’m a really good Mom, guys.

Yeah so we got to a clearing with all these really tall rocks arranged in a circle and there was this one like flat rock in the middle like a table or a counter or another kind of table and I texted the Hierophant like “we r here now what” and he texted back “lie down on the altar with Kevin” and I was like “don’t mind if I do lol” so I pushed Gaykev down on it and there I was. Lying next to Gaykev’s dumb hot self.

It felt so good, guys. It was super peaceful and natural and was like everything was right in the world, you know? I bet you don’t lol.

I think I might have taken a nap or something because before I knew it Gaykev was like shaking and stuff next to me. I figured he was really cold so I kinda pushed closer against him and wiggled a little. Girls you know what I mean lolololololol but then he like opened his mouth and I don’t know like this big rope of bloody red stuff just like exploded out of him and went way up into the air.

It smelled real bad and I was like excuse you Gaykev lol but I could see streaks of white wormy stuff in it and it looked like fettuccine and I was like OMG KATNISS IS THAT YOU but I didn’t need an answer because I knew it had to be! My girl was all grown up!

OMG guys seeing my big beautiful girl being born out of Gaykev’s mouth after being stuck in my head then his head for what seemed like FOREVER was even more beautiful than what I helped Santa’s wife give birth to lol (in all srs rest in peace Mrs. Claus I’m sure you were a nice lady lol.)

I swear it took maybe five minutes to come out of his sexy dumb mouth. I looked around and alllllllll the trees and the rocks and stuff too were covered in Katniss meat and smoke started to come off them and a few of them caught on fire haha. My girl’s hot like her Momma lol.

Then something SUPER WEIRD happened, guys.

Gaykev started coughing really bad but he always does that but this wasn’t one of those alwayses because afterward he just stared at me and said AND I’M REALLY SORRY FOR THIS LANGUAGE but he said “what the fuck is going on?”

I SWEAR TO BLACK GOD GUYS I WAS FREEEEEEAKED OUT.

After he said that he started looking around and he started screaming like real screaming not r-word tarded Gaykev screaming and he got up like he was going to run away!

Thank Black God he tripped because then I was able to take a rock and started hitting him in the tops of his knees a lot until all the big cracking sounds stopped and it was more like hitting sand and then I knew it would be okay and he couldn’t run anymore lol.

“Come onnnnnn” I told him and was like “Gaykev please stop screaming I’ll let you see my butt if you stop” but he wouldn’t stop guys and I was worried someone would hear us and we’d get in trouble for putting Katniss meat all over the forest so I started hitting him in the face with the rock and then he stopped.

Wanna know a fun fact about my girl Katniss? Well remember how all this weird stuff with Gaykev happened when his brain fell out like a year ago lol? I guess she helped him grow back a new one! It was so cool. But then I had to hit him with a rock and now that new brain is all over my hands and the forest and definitely on that rock sooooooo whatevs.

I texted the Hierophant and was like “yo H, Gaykev kinda had an accident. Can you help clean this up?”

It took a loooooong time before he responded but he texted back “I’ll have a team take care of it” and I was like “kthx.”

I walked home and tried to avoid all the stupid birds falling out of the sky and I was super tired so I went to bed. The next day, I went downstairs and saw that Gaykev was on the kitchen table. But, like, in pieces. And in a lot of different jars. One of the jars had his thing lol. But yeah I don’t know what I’m gonna do with all these jars of Gaykev but I’m glad the Hierophant didn’t throw them out and my parents were okay with them being in the kitchen.

I was starting to get sad because now Gaykev wasn’t fun anymore and Katniss was doing whatever she had to do in the forest and I felt lonely guys! Then one of the jars with Gaykev’s lips started moving, lol. Then his fingers, too! And TOES! Omg he has the cutest toes they’re even cuter when they’re not attached to his foot lol. And right then I knew everything was gonna be okay, guys! I can’t wait to let you know what happens next lololololol.

## I’m gonna tell you losers about the dream I had haha.

Gimme an M! Gimme an Adison! What’s that spell??? MADISON IS AWESOME!

Guys I’m having the most AMAAAAAAZING dreams lol. Ever since I put all the jars of Gaykev pieces in my room my dreams have been LIT! I say lit now it’s totes lit.

My dreams are usually normal like empty space and then stars going out and life all becoming all not lifey except for mushrooms lol. The stuff everyone dreams about, right?. But now it’s like…different? And better? And every night they get even MORE better.

Like last night I was tapping on Gaykev’s jars and his parts were all wriggling and flopping except his thing which was all sad and hanging on the bottom and not eating the fish food I gave it lol. But yeah then his lips moved and I didn’t hear anything but I still knew they were saying something like “Madison you’re so sexy and lit omg go to sleep and have dreams about the best stuff.”

Well how does a girl resist that, guys?

Btw guys my Dad got me the nicest pillow it’s stuffed with feathers from dead geese lol. No wonder Mom keeps him around.

But yeah I put my pretty blond head on that dead geese pillow and dreeeeeeeamed!

So you know how when Black God’s Queenies extinguish the stars (that sounds so dramatic omg lol) it makes a big black hole and sucks in stuff? Haha I bet Gina’s mouth was a black hole too bad she’s dead and I can’t tell her. Well thanks to my dreams now I know why black holes do what they do! Thanks Gaykev parts! Who knew all I needed to do was take him apart lol I wonder if that works with everyone else too.

But yeah black holes are SUUUUUPER interesting. Did you know black holes are literally EYES? Like they suck in LIGHT and use it to see through space? I DIDN’T KNOW THAT EITHER!

I got to use the black hole eyes and they showed me some great stuff like a whole big bunch of planets dying and aliens all screaming and trying to not get their babies to explode and it was hilarious they were all like “omg don’t kill my babies and the babies were all like ‘splat’” and the aliens were like “oh noooo my babies” lol and then the mushrooms came out obv but that’s not the coolest part even though it was real lit lolololol.

The LITTEST part was when I used the black hole in the middle of the Milky Way and used it to look at Earth and OH EM GEE.

Guys.

GUYS!

I SAW THE CUTEST BOY!

Move over Gaykev and your parts in jars. I am in LOVE.

Okay. He’s a little older than me. Like seventeen. But that means he’s SO much more experienced right? Omg guys I’m still freaking out.

He does some of the most amazeballs stuff and he’s sooooo complicated. I think that’s really sexy in a man, if I do say so myself. Like his sister is so messed up. And he hangs out with this Black lady who’s like a superhero or something and she’s invisible to, like, everyone lol. Except him. AND ME!

I think I even feel a little bad for him because he looks so sad. I don’t think he has any parents and I prayed to Black God about it and He was all like “FEED ME THROUGH YOU TO TASTE WHAT YOU FEED THROUGH TASTING ME” and I was like oh right I never know what You mean lol.

Here’s the best part: WE LIVE IN THE SAME TOWN!

He goes to the high school and he’s a junior! I mean I’m in eighth grade but you all know I’m super mature for my age and I’ve got boobs like I’m in tenth grade so it all works out. It’s like math lol.

Did I ever tells you guys how much I love time travel? Like I know Black God can do it and I know His Queenies and some of the bulk navigators do it all the time but I think this boy does it too! I think he’s WAY older than seventeen. That’s super Daddy lololol. I won’t tell if you won’t.

But yeah I’m gonna go to the high school this week and be like “heyyyyy I’m Madison.” I’ll have Gaykev’s toes and eyes in my pocket for good luck because he’s the one who helped me find this boy and even though I don’t think I need luck I want to be lucky because it’s good to be lucky even though I always have good luck you know? Omg.

Guys do you think this cute boy is going to be the Daddy who’s gonna help me take care of little Katniss? My lil girly is so special and beautiful like she brushes little meat tubes against my window every night to let me know she’s out there doing an explore and getting to know the real world without being all stuffed up in a head.

I wanna cry she’s getting so big and I think she opened her first star hole the other day.

Anyway that dream was so good wasn’t it? I remember before Gaykev’s brain fell out that first time, we were watching Aladdin and they were singing that “I can show you the world” song and I was like “I want Kevin to show me the world” and then all this time later he DID show me the world and he showed me a REALLY CUTE BOY THAT I LOVE.

Btw speaking of Disney in Frozen I think Elsa’s really a brunette who dyes her hair and Anna’s prettier anyway so maybe Elsa should just get a job at a snow cone factory or something lol.

Okay gays I’m gonna go and start trying on my sexiest clothes for when I go to the high school and talk to my new boyfriend. He’s totally my new boyfriend btw lol he just doesn’t know it. He’s allllll mine lololololol. I can just see our wedding invitation now. Dear losers, come bring presents to the marriage of the two sexiest people in the world – Madison and James.

Omg I love him.