Fake TPOT 2: Horseback Lightswitch

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Because the real-life version of this episode has already been released, this page can **no longer be edited**, except to correct the smallest spelling mistakes or to add/modify the episode's description.

"**Horseback Lightswitch**" is the non-canon second episode of *TPOT* by Jacknjellify. It was released on 21 May 1973. This episode is only headcanon to me, that is, until the real TPOT 2 comes out. In its creation process, the episode was known by other names, including "**Do No Evil No Longer**" and "**Gogma**".

Description if this were on YouTube:

Two-day is a very special episode of The Power of TWO! Or is it? Unfortunately, there are no challenges, and for one reason only. Stay tuned to find out just what it is! *[This description was added by a visiting user. Thank you!]*

Previous episode: "You Know Those Buttons Don't Do Anything, Right?" (video)

Next episode: "Good Day and Good News"

### **Wherever TPOT takes place**

**Scene**All the contestants are vaguely gathered together with TV in the centre, much like the beginning of last episode.
* **T****V**: Greetings, my friends. Let us watch the BFB finale together.

[*Vague noises of disapproval.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Mmm, I don't know, that sounds like a bad idea, for us to do that.
* **Fan****ny**: I hate that I'm saying this, but I agree! What if we regain our memories of being under Four's command? What if a contestant that doesn't deserve it wins? What if we—what if we—
* **P****i****n**: Fanny, stop it. Saying "what if" repeatedly is my thing.
* **Fan****ny**: I hate being told how to speak!

[*Fanny kicks Pin. Pin slaps back. The series of interactions devolves into a kicking-and-slapping fight.*]

* **Co****i****ny**: Ooh, a chick fight! I love when this happens, especially if it's about *me*—
* **Donut**: Coiny!
* **Co****i****ny**: What?
* **Donut**: You shouldn't encourage things like this; you should stop them!
* **Co****i****ny**: Okay, you're right. [*to Fanny and Pin*] Hey, guys, stop this madness!
* **P****i****n**: [*to Fanny*] Don't make me use my [*pauses fighting and touches the top of her body with glee*] *point* [*resumes fighting*] on you.
* **Fan****ny**: I shall blow you to heck!
* **P****i****n**: Stabbing time is my second favourite compared to rhyming time!
* **Co****i****ny**: Don't do that! Don't you know that you're dangerous?

[*Beat.*]

* **Co****i****ny**: Dangerously *hot*, that is.

[*Pin stops her fight with Fanny and slaps Coiny. She walks away with much anger.*]

* **Co****i****ny**: Pin, wait, I was talking about you exclusively! Fanny's pretty ugly, and—
* **Fan****ny**: I hate you!

[*Fanny kicks Coiny off the horizon as a couple of contestants watch.*]

* **F****r****i****e****s**: Fight the good fight, Fanny!
* **C****a****ke**: Taggy, do you know what's going on?
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: No, but I'd sure like to. When I joined this show, I was prepared for more character development and an abundance of emotion.
* **C****a****ke**: I guess it's happening here, so... wish granted?
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Aeh.
* **C****a****ke**: Yeah.
* **N****a****ily**: [*to Price Tag and Cake*] Shh. We can't talk about that here.
* **Nic****k****el**: Breaking the fourth wall, Just Not-ers? Dab it, my boyonocerous!

[*He notices that Woody is gone, as demonstrated by his silhouette blinking.*]

* **Nic****k****el**: Oh, oh, that's right. Woody joined BFB.
* **Eraser**: Yeah, it's the same place that *Blocky* went.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: What's your deal with Blocky, anyway? I barely know you and it's like you don't even shut up about him!
* **Eraser**: Well...

[*Loud glam rock-type music begins to play as Eraser assumes the form of a rubber-human hybrid, while stock footage of algebraliens dancing plays in the background—this is the age of the green screen.*]

**Ode**

**Vocalist(s)**: Eraser

**Eraser**: ♫ Blocky, Blocky, oh so cocky,

So much better than, uh, Rocky,

Because he barfs and, uh...

Blocky cleans up the barf and there's... ♫

[*The song ends abruptly.*]

* **Eraser**: Pen, you're a tenor; help me finish the song.
* **P****en**: I don't want to.
* **Eraser**: But bro—
* **P****en**: Let me cry about my broken love triangle in peace!

[*Exit* **Pen**.]

* **Eraser**: He's not even cry— [*calling out*] Pen, if you're talking about the Tree thing, he's right here!
* **T****r****e****e**: Against my will.
* **Eraser**: Seems like yous really had it going on, didn't you?
* **T****r****e****e**: Let me stop you before you raise your eyebrow. It was a *hug*. He can *have* that naff iance sheila.
* **Eraser**: And now he's off crying, because of you.
* **T****r****e****e**: To think he calls me a softie.

### **Roof of Two's hotel**

**Scene**Two is lying down on the roof of their hotel building. **Saw** and **Gaty** are in the background, chattering quietly with each other.
* **Two**: "Start projecting my voice," they said. Slap, slap, *punch*, they said. [*imitating Rocky*] "Buh-leh!" they said. Well, I've had enough. My subordinate contestants are mutinying against me, and I shan't put up with this any longer! I have to do what I have to do.

[*Two takes the etiquette book they're reading and is about to throw it into the fire.*]

* **Two**: Throw all morality into the fire! You see, on the Equation Playground we are taught a rule that doesn't exist in this one: Treat others as you would like to be treated. And since I was treated like *ick*, I will treat the contestants like *ick!* Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

[*Two's evil laughter is interrupted by Gaty, who saunters near them.*]

* **G****at****y**: Two. To *whom* are you speaking?
* **Two**: Oh, hi, Gay! Thank you for being present as the only one who can give me solace.
* **G****at****y**: Did you just call me *Ga*—
* **Two**: I'm so glad that you've brought me back to my senses. I'm not going to try to be evil any more, and it's all thanks to you. And you get immunity to the final 2!
* **G****at****y**: Wow, really?
* **Two**: No.

[*Gaty makes the same face Golf Ball and Tree did in BFB 13.*]

* **G****at****y**: In that case, could you please leave us alone? Saw and I want to play Spongy Cake.
* **Two**: O-kay do-kay! [*Pause.*] Wait. You two are playing Spongy Cake.
* **[** **G****at****y** · **S****aw** **]**: Yeah.
* **Two**: And it's a game made by Match, who isn't here right now.
* **[** **G****at****y** · **S****aw** **]**: Yeah.
* **Two**: And it's a game about Spongy, who also isn't here right now.
* **[** **G****at****y** · **S****aw** **]**: Yeah!
* **Two**: Sooooo...
* **G****at****y**: Well, someone has to fill in the gap.
* **Two**: Fine with me. You *twoOOOOOO**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!***

[*They are interrupted by the playing of the TPOT intro.*]

* **Two**: —do whatever you've got *toOOOOOO**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!***

[*The TPOT intro plays again.*]

* **Two**: —do.
* **S****aw**: Wow, the theme song played, like, twice! You can control when it eman***8***s from you, right?
* **G****at****y**: Of course. Two said the word *to* numerous times in their rant. I think they're doing it just to annoy us.
* **S****aw**: But it's a good song.
* **G****at****y**: Amen.

### **Cake at Stake**

**Scene**Two comes down from the hotel building and is met with boos from most of the contestants.
* **Two**: Aw, I love you too! And I didn't just say that because my name is Two.
* **Roc****ky**: [*vomits*] Bulleh!
* **Golf Ball**: For once, I am in agreement with Rocky here. Buh-*leh*.
* **Two**: [*unimpressed*] Let's do Cake at Stake.

[*A brand new Cake at Stake theme. A big band jazz theme plays, reminiscent of the 1940s.*]

**Cake at Stake theme**

**Vocalist(s)**: Unknown voice

**?**: ♫ *C* is for *Cake at Stake*.

*A* is for *Ake at Stake*.

*K* is for *Ke at Stake*.

*E* is for *elimination*.

You all know what *at stake* means,

So let's call the whole thing off. ♫

[*Sound of one person applauding.*]

* **Bom****by**: Disgusting!
* **Bo****ok**: Yeah, whoever made it just strung two melodies together and they don't even match.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: It's a happy abomination...
* **P****en**: [*to everyone*] Eyy! I composed that! Be nice.
* **T****r****e****e**: Oh, yeah, and I wrote the words. I still regret it, by the way.
* **Golf Ball**: Wait, Pen, *you* wrote this terrible melody? That, that is unacceptable! Everyone on Are You Okay—
* **Rest of her teammates**: Yeah?
* **Golf Ball**: —must be familiar with at least three months of advanced music theory! And anyone who finishes the class with less than a 95% is not even *partially* worthy of being on our team!
* **Two**: Are you done?
* **Snowball**: GB, this is no time to *rant!*
* **Two**: [*sigh*] Anyway, we've got 59,695 votes for this episode. Black Hole is safe. Remote is safe. Lightning is safe. Tree is safe. Fanny is safe. Marker is safe. Tinder is safe. Flute is safe. Heli Working Pick is safe. Banana Pad is safe.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Wait a minute, Two.
* **Two**: Peter Jennedy's Wood Campfire is sa—yes, you wanted to say something, Lightning?
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Er... no.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Where are our cakes, Two?
* **Two**: Oh yeah! Cakes... cakes... cake...

[*Two scopes the audience of contestants not up for elimination. They eventually stare at Cake.*]

* **C****a****ke**: Don't even think about it.
* **Two**: What? No! I wasn't looking at you; I was looking *behind* you! You're sitting in front of a giant boulder. Would you mind if you threw it to me?
* **C****a****ke**: [*tries to lift it*] But I can't! I know my own strength!
* **N****a****ily**: Don't worry, Cake, I've got this!

[*She kicks the boulder with much force, and it lands right in the middle of the Cake at Stake place.*]

* **Two**: Now everyone, share this cake.
* **Ma****r****ker**: Sharing is caring, guys.

[*The contestants declared "safe" all sit around the boulder, but one person is left: Pie.*]

* **Pi****e**: Two, do you know if *I* am safe as well?
* **Two**: Well, what do you think?
* **Pi****e**: [*sighs for 3.14 seconds*] I'm not.
* **Two**: That's correct! And with that, Pie is the first one eliminated! Happy trails to you.
* **Pi****e**: Until we meet again. You know what they say: you win some, you lose some.

[*She does nothing.*]

* **T****r****e****e**: Aren't you supposed to *do* something, Two, so that we know she's eliminated?
* **Two**: You're right! Pie, please enter my hotel with the others and don't come out.
* **Pi****e**: Sounds like a plan.

[*She enters the hotel emotionlessly, where a crowd of recommended characters await her.*]

* **Pi****e**: Hey, party people, who wants to do yoga with me?
* **Recommended characters**: Yay!

[*The door slams shut.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Two, that was rough. No goodbye?
* **Two**: Like you could ever give Pie a proper farewell.

[*Black Hole frowns, but the viewers don't see it.*]

* **F****old****y**: [*gasps loudly*] Pie... is ***GOGMA!***

[*Everyone gasps.*]

* **Baske****t****ball**: Wait, what's that?
* **F****r****i****e****s**: Don't tell me that's one of those words only you and Stapy know!
* **Ma****r****ker**: [*in the background*] And Marker!
* **F****old****y**: No, you don't get it! During her stay here in the competition, Pie followed the antithesis of mainstream religious persuasion, or *dogma*. She called it *gogma*, a homonym of another word of hers, *gogma*, which means blueberries. I have since realized that her teaching is the truth, that we should all abandon our previous philosophies and strive for the non-religious lifestyle that objectkind so strongly demands! For our show, for our continent, for our *universe*, let us tread the path of Pie's ***GOGMA!***

[*Silence.*]

* **B****e****ll**: Foldy, you might need to see a licenced therapist.
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: I'm sorry, but you're all alone on this one.
* **Baske****t****ball**: Yeah, none of us really knew Pie well enough to adopt her ideologies.
* **Gra****ssy**: Grassy is gogma!
* **Nic****k****el**: It's better than ligma, heh.

### **The contest**

**Scene**
* **Two**: Now, with Pie out of the way, let's get to the next challenge!
* **Eraser**: Which *is?*
* **Two**: Thanks for asking!

[*Two does nothing.*]

* **Pill****ow**: Idleness is *so* last year.

[*Two claps their hands twice and suddenly everyone is standing on top of Two's hotel building.*]

* **Two**: And The S! are up for elimination! [*to the viewers*] Voters! Vote in the comments using the letter *and* square brackets for who you *don't*—

[*Everyone talks at once.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: Wait a minute, *wait a ticking minute!* I think I speak for my comrades when I say that there is absolutely no criterion that could justify our being up for elimination. You can't be serious about this, Two.
* **Two**: Why not? The contest was to bring Bottle back to life. Bottle may be in your team, but ironically you lot had done the least to get her back!
* **Cloudy**: Well, we weren't informed about this contest.
* **Two**: I told you, did I not?
* **All**: No!
* **E****g****gy**: Oh no, does this mean that Bottle is dead forever? I liked that I felt smart around her.
* **Two**: Yes, she is dead for good. May she haunt you all in your sleep.
* **Ma****r****ker**: But I have a bottle right here! [*holds up a soda can*]
* **Fan****ny**: Marker, that's a *can*, not a bottle!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: I'm sure not happy with the results. Two, put some other team up for elimination. Now.
* **Two**: Yes, sir! Whom do you choose?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: I nominate the team8s.
* **Co****i****ny**: Clock, what the mint? You can't just do that!
* **Barf** **Bag**: Yeah, this doesn't seem very fair.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Half of your team forgot I was *dead* for over a year! You think I don't have a right to be ticked off?
* **P****i****n**: Nice pun usage.
* **Co****i****ny**: Just because you're obsessed with playing by the host's rules doesn't mean you can send people away. Two, send him to the hotel before I throw him there myself!

[*Everyone starts arguing.*]

* **Winner**: ***EVERYONE, STOP FIGHTING!***
* **Snowball**: Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!

[*Silence.*]

* **Winner**: [*as inspirational music begins to play*] Fellow contestants, have we forgotten what camaraderie meant to us all? Most of you joined this show to free yourselves from the stifling grip of Four, and here you are now pretending to be in control! Two never specified what the contest was; they simply chose a team for elimination for no valid reason! Instead of fighting one another, we shall unite against a common foe just as we had so valiantly done in the before time!

[*Applause.*]

* **Cloudy**: That was a beautiful speech there, Winner.
* **Roc****ky**: Mm-hmm!
* **B****e****ll**: All right, contestants, you know what to do!
* **All**: Yeah!
* **Two**: Uh oh.

[*A scene of contestant mutiny, almost identical to the one from the first episode, but with new contestants taking part in the uprising.*]

* **Two**: Not again!

### **Voting screen**

**Scene**Two stands before a voting background, except you can't vote for anyone.
* **Two**: Vote in the comments using the letter *and* square brackets for who you *don't* want to be eliminated! Vote for who *you* want to stay. The person with the least votes will leave the show!
* **Golf Ball**: [*off-screen*] It's *fewest*.
* **Two**: Sorry. The person with the least votes will leave the *fewest!*
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: You know nobody's up for voting, right?
* **Golf Ball**: Silence, I don't feel like having another war.

### **EXIT**

**Scene**The post credits scene, shot about eight months earlier. **Liy** opens the door inside Four's bosom with a bent staple as a realistic door-opening noises can be heard.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Liy, get back here!

### **A farm**

**Scene**A very realistic-looking farm, apparently made in the same stop-motion style as the live-action scenes on SpongeBob. A cow is in the foreground, visibly hungry. Suddenly, a tiny door appears out of nowhere, kind of like in that weird Netflix series about dreams. Naturally, Liy steps out of the door, amazed at this change in scenery.
* **Li****y**: Wow! What is this place? [*points at the cow*] And what's this thing? Can it, like, not be here right now?

[*The cow bellows and runs off.*]

* **Li****y**: Thank you.
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*popping her head out of the door with Stapy*] I guess it didn't like your personality.
* **Li****y**: [*pulling Pencil and Stapy out*] I'd lock you in this universe alone if I could.
* **St****a****py**: Cool story, bro. Now can we go back to Exit before a certain number notices we're missing?
* **Li****y**: Nope! I'm going to stay here.
* **St****a****py**: Why?
* **Li****y**: It's always been my dream to be a cowgirl.

[*At once, Liy goes on all fours and slowly walks off into the sunset.*]

* **Li****y**: ***MOOOOOO!***
* **St****a****py**: [*calling*] Liy, that's a cow! [*to Pencil*] I would know. I've only read one book in my life and it was about cows.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Liy, get back here! Again!
* **St****a****py**: Let her follow her dreams, Pencil. Let her follow her dreams.

[*He goes back through the door.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Dreams...

[*She takes out a picture and stares at it wistfully. We don't know who's in it (yet), but judging by Pencil's reaction, it's obviously someone very close to her carbon interior. This scene is followed by the obligatory "To be continued..." screen against a white background.*]

**THE END**
## Notes

1. ↑ Oh yeah, Pen and Pencil are still a couple in this, albeit in a very, very long distance relationship.
2. ↑ Man, I love TextSynth. This is what it says about BFB 10:

**Dear diary, I regret to inform you that I discovered something very horrific about Bomby today. You see, he** was eating, and he was eating…something. And the horrible truth has been revealed: Bomby swallowed a dead mouse!!

Bomby is the youngest of our group of cats. He was just three weeks old when he arrived at the shelter. His mother had been put to sleep due to an illness and his father was a tiny little kitten. Both of them were not able to take care of him, so he was given to my brother and his wife for adoption. He was immediately nicknamed “Poopie”, because he would poop in any house he was taken to. He was a very sweet kitty, and would go around purring and rubbing himself against people. Unfortunately, he would also poop. And it was very sticky, as it almost always ended up on the bottom of shoes.

I don’t think Bomby can be more than a year and a half old. He is very, very thin. And he was still growing when
3. ↑ I think Bono's daughter was in that one.

**Fake TPOT** [V]