The Dooku Diaries: TAX EVASION GONE WRONG

Dooku had just ever so slightly made it out of Coruscant alive, after his duel with Michael Jackson and his apprentice Bruno Mars. He escaped to Cato Neimodia, where he met up with a young viceroy. He decided that the Order would never forgive him for slaying Jackson. So he decides to embrace his Countship of Serenno. And names himself Count Dooku.

He lives amongst the Neimodians for a while, learning their commerce ways. For years he embraced these teachings until he mastered the stock market, doubling Serenno's homeless count along the way. Somehow. He was doing so well that his Mentor decided to teach him the final lesson... Tax Evasion! And so Dooku began his journey to master Tax Evasion, only it would lead him to another huge mess.

Count Dooku stops filing his taxes and fills a ship with all of Serenno's money, again, doubling the Homeless count and sending it off to Deep Space. This only lead to more trouble as the ship was attacked. Dooku had to go himself to investigate what was the matter, and there, he met his first fling (He's been married to 17 women at the moment, he does not know when to stop) Captain Mitth'raw'nuruodo. Together they start yelling at each other until Dooku's ship crashes in a nearby society.

The Captain is out to capture him, so he hides in a nearby home and begins ranting on how he should've spent money on buying a B-1 for home defense. And so he gets a brilliant idea. Dooku pulls a communicator and has the Federation to send him B-1s to his location, they arrive... suspiciously quick, enough for them to be ready before the Chiss attack the humble abode he randomly raided.

4 Chiss Commandos enter through the front door, a B-1 looks at them with deadly intent, he's dead on the spot. The B-1 that is. The second one turns from around a corner and shoots at one of the Commandos, but misses entirely and blasts the Neighbor's Bantha.

Dooku resorts to the B-2 Battle Droid mounted on top of the stairs, he blows up the entire front porch and himself.

The last Chiss Commando standing is dazed by the explosion, too dazed to notice Dooku running toward him, Saber drawn and impaling him in the chest. Dooku continues to emote over his dying body until the light fades from his eyes.

Thrawn and Dooku meet again in the middle, where they flirt with each other, or at least that's what Dooku thinks they are doing, probably is tied to his often more frequent schizo episodes. Dooku then throws himself on top of Thrawn and they kiss passionately... no they don't, Thrawn is getting violated by Dooku. As soon as he has a chance to run, Thrawn takes it, but it was too late. Dooku was already impregnanted with 5 children. At once.

Dooku returns to the known galaxy to realize that the entire fucking place was on fire looking for him, so he hides out with his family in Geonosis, where a young Obi Wan goes looking for him. Dooku captures him and starts talking shit about the Senate saying shit like "There's a sith lord, pinky promise" which only makes matters worse. That's before he literally chained Obi Wan to a pillar and sent him into a deadly arena to die to exotic creatures alongside Padme and Anakin.

The Arena is raided by the Republic whomst starts shooting first, so much for peaceful diplomacy, as Dooku makes his escape during the chaos.

This is all lead back to the Hangar where he starts having a schizo episode while Windu, Padme, Anakin, Yoda and Obi Wan watch. Dooku makes it out alive ever so slightly just to find a very horny Palpatine inside his shuttle. His troubles only were getting worse.