Craig

**Craig** is the last known member of The Warriors of Malk. He has dedicated his remaining years to eradicating The Penstares and The Super Swaggies. He was the true mastermind of The War.

## Beginnings

As a young boy, Craig had been bullied severely, but the one thing he found joy in was Music. He eventually created a garageband with his only friend, Doc McSeizins. They preformed at the school talent show, but was booed by every person there, including his parents. After this, Craig swore to eradicate music from the world. He slowly became more and more insane, worshipping Satan on the weekends was but one of his pastimes. He founded a group called the Malkians, along with McSeizins, that went along to different concerts and assassinated the musicians. He was eventually captured by Diamond Man and Big Steel Box. Big told him to stop doing these things, but Diamond Man encouraged it, and joined the Malkians. The two became great friends, but Craig was bitter about Diamond Man being friends with Big, a musician. Craig attempted to kill Big, only to be stopped by Diamond Man. Craig was then tortured for months, but the final straw was when Diamond Man made Craig watch McSeizins die. Craig lost the last shred of hope he had that day.

## Big Steel Box

When Craig was released from the dungeons, he began plotting, he reformed his group, renaming it The Warriors of Malk, with the public purpose of stopping War, but with the hidden goal of killing the Penstares. Craig began The Four Square Conquest, under the guise of attempting to reconcile with his enemies. Big believed him, and joined the tournaments. Eventually, Craig manipulated Diamond Man into forming The Super Swaggies, and anonymously informed Big of who led it. With The Penstares in ruin, and The Super Swaggies on the rise, Craig decided now was the time to strike.

## The War

Masquerading as Diamond Man, Craig attempted to assassinate Jockey Jockey at Master Ross's funeral. This attempt began The War. During The War, Craig was an observer, but joined the fray when a Penstare victory was imminent. Revealing himself, Craig reluctantly joined Diamond Man in his attempts, and stole the Shitbar. Dropping it on Penville, Craig furiously masturbated as he witnessed the death of dozens of Penstares. Craig later assassinated Alien Enforcer, and split off from Diamond Man. Witnessing The Super Swaggies Last Stand, Craig realized his plan was failing, and came out of the shadows.

## Death

Craig's final stand was the final battle of the war, in it, Craig executed Diamond Man, blackmailed the US for it's army, and began duelling the three most prominent members of the Penstares, D'Whale, Johnny Yo, and Jockey Jockey. Splitting off for a split second, Craig released a toxin on Cowboy Don, that did not appear to do anything, but secretly gave him evil intentions. During this departure, Jockey and Johnny prepared the plan that would kill Craig. D'Whale distracted Craig, and was about to be killed, but before Craig could finish it, Johnny sliced Craig's arms off. Jockey approached Craig, pulled out an item very dear to Craig, his first recorder, and shoved it down his throat, suffocating him.