CPU Kerfuffle Reboot

## Fighters

* Sword Goku | CL, 7th place
* ICEE | CM, 7th place
* Yung Papaya | CM, 5th place
* Dadondorf | CO, 5th place
* Hamburger Helper | CO, 4th place
* Captain Crimson | CR, 3rd place
* Big Yopper | CL, 2nd place
* Dantoinette | CR, 1st place, Champion

## Matches

### **Exhibition**

Squid Jenny, our local reporter and voted most likely to fight in an exhibition match due to just how dang many she's been in, versus our local plant full of sprite, Perfect Spriteman! Now this is before Perfect Spriteman had any real plot so no angst today. don't worry we'll get there! We go to Find Mii and we here at the CPU Kerfuffle Wiki must say that we adore Monkey Watch! Food is still falling from the old Taako ruleset, but that's just fine. Squid Jenny leads on a blistering offense, keeping our favorite(?) plant on its toes! Two up smashes back to back keep our fighters on even stocks, both putting pressure to try and gain the lead. Spriteman is able to go a little big harder a little bit faster a little bit stronger and takes a quick lead with his patented Sprite Flavored Massive Spike Ball (name under review). Jenny works to take it back but Spriteman just holds on. Jenny lands another up smash to kill off the top, which brings us to a last stock game! Both fighters trade hard hits with Spriteman taking a lead and winning with a forward smash! Let's hope we can stay happy when Perfect Spriteman wins... I am being told that I'm no longer allowed to be foreboding on this platform.

Winner: **Perfect Spriteman**

### **Round 1**

#### Big Yopper vs. ICEE

The original big fat croc himself versus a guy in a fursuit who took out Dantoinette! We go to Pokemon Stadium as the captain of Team Clutch... Oh wait he's calling for a break? Oh the snacks are still on, what a well meaning and polite croc!

Starting the actual round one we've got Drac's Castle! Yopper and ICEE throw hands with startling ferocity, Yopper landing big hits and ICEE throwing around his superior movement and invulnerability. However it seems that scales beat fur here, as a massive hit from Yop stops the bear in his tracks! Yopper keeps up his general showmanship by letting ICEE take a stock with bad DI and allowing the bear to grab some percent on his way in! Yopper keeps a big back and forth playing and shows that being big comes with some jank and by the gods is Yop going to use it. Yop whiffs a counter oly to go down to an up smash, but that Clutch spirit alllows a swift comeback from the Yop! ICEE shows that him beating Dani wasn't a fluke, but Yopper sure puts that doubt in our minds as he hits ICEE with the classic Down Air to Up Smash and takes the win!

With a wild confirmation that ICEE and Yop are close friends (good for them!) the two take it to Halberd! Both run for some wild early percent, going for sick combos as both know that friendlies are the best place to go for some wild plays, like another down air to up smash kill! ICEE will not go out lying down and takes a quick kill off of halo, and continues the offensive. Both go to even, until ICEE knocks Yop just far enough to take a stock! Yopper lands the down throw bury into forward smash, but we've all seen the bracket, ICEE uses his down tilt to poke Yop on the edge and takes the game!

Going all the way to Town and City, a high ceiling proving a tricky space for the Yop! The Yop, proving that he gives exactly zero fucks and/or shits about just about anything takes a pretty hefty lead for someone as hefty as he is! Even then, ICEE is able to keep the pressure coming and takes stock one with a Wonderwing, but the Yop blunderbuss fires off and ICEE drops! Yopper uses his constant pressure and massive size to keep ICEE at bay and takes the next stock, and almost takes the third with a footstool! ICEE does make it back, but his time on stage is borrowed at best so he's gotta make the most of it with a killer up tilt, even if the last stock Yop wins with a forward air!

Winner: **Big Yopper**

#### **Captain Crimson vs. Dadondorf**

We've got two beefy men throwing hands in round one, lets see what wins, possession or sheer chaos? Mementos will show! Both fighters trade heavy hits and keep it even until Captain Crimson takes the first kill, nimbly dodging what would be Dadondorf's killer down smash. A spike from Crimson shows that some of the Val is still left on the inside, but Dad shows that he's learned from his ex husband and lands his oen Hamburger Helper by side b-ing Crimson to the blast zone, landing an up b afterwards, and recovering! But that Crimson stomp takes the game.

Minecraft time! Both fighters play extremely safe, with Crimson being able to just eke out more percent! This lets the foul beast take an early stock, and keep dodging around out slow and steady Dad, but the flame choke allows for a kill! Dad takes time to warm up but once he does, well it's lights out. Lights out for Dad apparently cause nothing preps you for Crimson's knee! Dad's body isn't what it used to be, and that lack of recovery sadly shows it.

Winner: **Captain Crimson**

#### **Yung Papaya vs. Hamburger Helper**

We've got our favorite meat dragon, and thankfully our only one, versus a little dude! What do you mean they both have weird relationships with fatherhood and eldritch entities? Shush this is season one. Papaya is showing early signs of daddy issues as he damn near zero to deaths Burger! Our favorite dragon shows his knowledge of jank and kills with a wild gimp, but dies to New Donk walkoff nonsense! I know what you're saying, how is this a 2-0? Well Burger is cracked and Papaya recovers to the wrong part of New Donk, and Papaya drops to jank again! Burger's aura of fucked shit calls New Donk being banned for favoring Team Cones and their chaos energy, with Burger saying that if Papaya can win, he'll let it happen.

Now if you look directly at the winner section, RIP New Donk ban. Burger goes to Wuhu Island, a notable stage in terms of bans and legalization. Why am I not commentating the match? Because Burger is side-b-ing. He also kills, and so does Papaya. Apologies for being sparse but legal stuff is happening in the background as Burger is threatening to legalize a new stage if he wins?! Who let him do this? Both folks are at high percent and Papaya carries our favorite dragon off the edge with a killer PK Thunder! But Burger kills right back, and SKEWERS YUNG PAPAYA, WHO TECHS THE SKEWER SOMEHOW? Both are high percent but Burger refuses to go down, and the Burger Stomp takes the win!

What stage is now legal? Hanenbow.
Winner: **Hamburger Helper**

#### **Dantoinette vs. Sword Goku**

Winner: **Dantoi-**

What do you mean I can't call it immediately? It's Dantoinette. Okay fine, Sword Goku shows some level of promise with some crazy spells popping immediately and missing a whack but Dani is still Dani and kills him out of a Zoom. Why? Because she can. Does Swoku use his second stock for literally anything? Nope, no he does not. Dani kills with side b, and dies for a little bit but once again it's Dani and fighting her is an exercise in futility. Dani burns through Swoku's mana and he has little to show for it as she takes it to game two with a lethal side b!

Warioware? Yeah sure this is fine, let's watch Dani kill even earlier! Dani takes the early lead and let's be real Swoku's on borrowed time and Dani comes collecting with a lethal game of cat and mouse ending with a spear smack to take stock one! Credit where credit is due, Swoku is keeping percents even but just cannot keep up as Dani takes a stock, with a Kaboom preventing a three stock. That's gonna be for later... what? Anyway Dani shows that she is proficient in dealing with Heroes but Swoku shows the clutch spirit and takes another stock and brings the game to even! But, Dani let's him know that these are the big leagues, and that he needs practice. Dani f-tilt takes it.

Winner: **Dantoinette**

### **Losers Round 1**

#### ICEE vs. Dadondorf

The two take it to Spiral Mountain, my least favorite stage! Bias aside the two keep it interesting as ICEE takes a swift lead, even if Dadondorf takes it right back and shows his love for a good two for one special as he takes a stock with it! That Ganon up tilt sure is a thing of beauty. Dadondorf keeps it up, despite hitting 200% Dad is able to build about 100 on ICEE, and takes a stock with it after coming back down from halo. A dominant showing from the grey haired menace that is Dadondorf, who shows his Cones spirit with the absolutely bananas plays against the Spiral Mountain wall. Dad nearly lands the Hamburger Helper, and SDs after recovering to show that he just wants the sick plays and will pay if he misses them. Up smash from halo is much safer, so he kills with that instead!

We are back on Drac's and damn if ICEE isn't doing better than last time... At first. Sure ICEE has his lead now but Dad pineapples ICEE, showing his proficiency in Cones jank. ICEE is able to take an honest stock, but who cares about honest when there's chaos abound? Dad hits like a goddamn truck and ICEE just cannot keep up! An up smash keeps Dad in the lead and keeps ICEE in the dust because Dad uses the stairs to keep living an keep building extra percent, even though the Wonderwing takes a stock off Dad. With talk of miracles from Ryan, Dad crushes all of ICEE's dreams with a nasty neutral air!

Winner: **Dadondorf**

#### Yung Papaya vs. Sword Goku

We go to Pokemon Stadium, with Yung Papaya starting with a massive offense as he usually does. Sadly Swoku cannot catch up, and drops to the classic Papaya up smash! Swoku finds his groove and takes a stock with a back air, even if Papaya keeps the pressure up. There's very little Swoku can do as his MP runs low, and a Papaya forward air takes the stock! Can Swoku win a singular game tonight? Maybe! Swoku nets a kill with a fair to take us to even! Swoku stays out of mana, and Papaya takes advantage of this with a near lethal up throw! Even then a botched recovery spells disaster for Swoku!

We go to Lumiose City, a flat stage that lets Swoku use his spells to max efficie- and he got spiked. Yeah I don't think we're gonna see a game three, because that's a Swoku SD. Big rip to all Swoku fans, which thankfully didn't seem to be too many in Season One... Well that's just sad when I put it like that. Swoku takes a stock with a fireball, but let's be real that foot stool from Papaya isn't doing his perception any favors.
Winner: **Yung Papaya**

### **Round 2**

#### **Big Yopper vs. Captain Crimson**

We get a solid opening from Captain Crimson on Frigate Orpheon, I wonder if this stage will gain relevance. With both fighters dueling for dominance, Yopper's sheer mass overpowers our possessed friend and sends him out for stock one, but Yop's brought down to earth just as fast! Captain Crimson goes on the offense, but the Yop just cannot stop because down goes Crimson! The rapid fire up smashes drop the Yop to stock one but the pressure doesn't die down, and Crimson succumbs to it as he phases through the floor!

Move over Crimson, the Cap's got two destructive forces living in his head rent free! An early offense from Crimson leads to an early stock one, but let's be real the Yop is unstoppable, even if Crimson is doing his damnedest to stop him. The Yop lands a pineapple kill, and stays swinging! An onstage back air drops Crimson, and techs a killer up b somehow! But the stock does drop but the Yop starts winning once again! Why? Because you can't stop the Yop, and Crimson cannot stop that tech into blunderbuss.

Winner: **Big Yopper**

#### **Hamburger Helper vs. Dantoinette**

It seems like we have some Dani haters, looking at you Ryan, in the commentators' booth, well we've got some Dani lovers, looking at myself, on the wiki. They go to Hanenbow with Monkey Watch, immediately to the fucked leaf. Dani loads up on percent but Burger uses the chaos to keep it even! She lands a killer down air, Burger is capable of winning this still! Ah who am I kidding, Dani is on the field, and even going to even stocks won't change that. Dani lands a sweet spot f-smash and nets a lead, and Dani looks to close it with an axe, but Burger parries it! Burger manages to dance around Dani and nets a kill with an up air, but it's only a matter of time till Dani kills with an up air of her own!

Game two goes to Brinstar! He nearly gets a gimp but you need to get up earlier than that to catch Dani sleeping, and Burger shows that he's still got it cause he takes a stock. Dani notably does not care and kills right back. The two play around each other, only for Dani to get a cross map kill, but Burger fires right back! Now down to last stock on both Dani keeps trying to push Burger into disadvantage but he keeps his lead. Dani nearly kills with a spike, but Burger keeps up the pressure! Even then, Dani is Dani, so she wins anyway.

Winner: **Dantoinette**

### **Losers Round 2**

#### **Hamburger Helper vs. Dadondorf**

The two ex-husbands take the fight to Umbra Clock Tower where Burger goes for the absolute most nonsense possible where he rapid fire kills Dadondorf twice in a row with just general garbage! It seems like the bad blood has yet to die down, but Dad refuses to get three stocked as he kills, only to fail to recover from a killer side b.

Whatever that was, it's all part of some plan? Well who knows, cause no plans can be made on New Donk! Burger takes the first stop after a massive back and forth, only for Dad to take it back. Burger quickly kills again, and so does Dad! I'd commentate more but this match is extremely fast! Dad takes the lead in a bout of neutral, almost dying to hubris before killing with a nasty up smash!

The two take it straight to Battlefield, going for hardcore neutral, only for Burger to use Dad's lackluster recovery to net a lead! Dad is unable to take anything from Burger as he raises Dad to 100%, with the only kill that Dad is able to net swiftly leading to another kill from Burger! That recovery really isn't doing Dad any help, as he drops out of the tournament.

Winner: **Hamburger Helper**

#### **Captain Crimson vs. Yung Papaya**

Delfino Plaza! This should be a fun game for Crimso- and that's an SD. Tragic. Crimson is working his way to bringing it back, and takes a stock even if he's down by default. He keeps the pressure up, somehow taking Papaya all the way to his last stock. Crimson is all the way at 200% and still swinging, taking Papaya to 60 before dropping to last stock himself, taking the win with an up smash. Seems like that SD didn't matter.

The two start with neutral, as per usual, only for Crimson to dribble Yung Papaya. He almost gets a Falcon Punch but Papaya grabs him out of it, but the Cap's not so easily rattled! He lands a killer forward smash. Captain Crimson keeps the pressure up with a side b to knee, Yung Papaya on last stock. He narrowly prevents a three stock but drops to an up smash! Also a suspiciously familiar message in chat, it seems like this was my first match that I was ever here for!
Winner: **Captain Crimson**