I.M. Meen

**Ignatius Mortimer Meen** (1934–2020) is an 81-year-old librarian who happens to be the chosen one. He is also one of those "ignorance is bliss" idiots.

## Biography

Ignatius Mortimer Meen was born on February 30, 1934 in Nazi Germany, and during World War II, his parents sent him to the relative safety of Gamelon, where he attended Abnormal School. In 1948, his fathr Froschnudel died looking for a cure to the Weegee Virus, so Meen began to hate the pursuit of knowledge. He dropped out of school and began working assorted jobs until he ended up helping Impa smelt the Triforce of AIDS, which caused him to be exiled to Koridai. At age 20, he opened a coffee shop / library where he imprisoned kids who wanted to learn.

In 2010, Link called Meen gay, so he attacked Hyrule and almost stopped YouTube Poop from existing. He failed and was captured, but was soon freed by his ex-wife, Ophelia Chill. However, he discovered that King Harkinian had desecrated his labyrinth while he was imprisoned.

As of November 11, 2014, Meen is a friend of Zelda, Macaulay Culkin and Butch Patrick.

## Personality

I.M. Meen tends to be pretty angry, especially at children. He hates being called gay, meaning he's at least not a gay pride idiot, and likes reading his book.

## Buildings run by I.M. Meen

* Meen Library (1958-present)
* I.M. Meen's Musical and Knowledgable Center (1968-present)

## Quotes

* "Oh look, what clever children. See them study, watch them learn. How I hate those goodie-goodies, how they make my stomach turn!"
* "I've got a little secret, that'll really make them cry. It's a nasty kind of magic, from a special kind of guy."
* "This book is made to order, but it isn't to be read. When they open this book, they're sucked inside instead - to the most unpleasant place they've ever seen, the magic labyrinth of I.M. Meen! Very scary and confusing, destination of my choosing: the labyrinth of I.M. Meen!"
* "What's the matter, smarty? Lost your way? My guards will be happy to escort you...to a cozy cell!"
* "You can't win, bookworm. I am the powerful magician in the world, and you're just a little smarty."
* "Mirror, mirror, on the wall...there's a bookworm in the hall...but not for long!"
* "Better luck next time, bookworm. Of course there probably won't be a next time!"
* "Today's lesson is about the dangers of being too smart for your own good. I hope you're paying attention, bookworm!"
* "Lost? Frightened? Confused? Good!"
* "Get back into your cell, bookworm. Don't worry. I'm sure you'll escape again...in a hundred years!"
* "You won't get far you studious little brat. My pets will see to that."
* "Still loose, little bookworm? Don't get used to it. My pets are closing in."
* "Well, well. I'm surprised you don't give up, bookworm. You're begging to look run-down. Why not take a little nap?"
* "Here's a rhyme for you. Ahem, I knew a little bookworm who tried to get away, until the friendly guardians persuaded him to stay."
* "Hello, little bookworm. I do hope you're enjoying your whirlwind tour of my labyrinth. Hmm?"
* "You're tougher than you look, twerp. But I've still got some tricks up my sleeve."
* "You are beginnig to annoying me, you miserable little goodie-goodie!"
* "Okay, bookworm, now you're really starting to annoy me. Get back into your cell before I turn you into a chipmunk!"
* "Wretched child! You ruined my beautiful labyrinth! Now you're going to pay!"
* "Aaaah! You may have outsmarted me this time, bookworm, but I'll be back. I.M. Meen never quits, you'll see!"
* "Oh look, tacos!"
* "This butt is made to order."
* "I.M. Gay, I mean, I.M. Meen never quits!"
* "Buttworm!"
* "I hope you're enjoying hell!"
* "I'm a mime!"

## Trivia

* I.M. Meen is a bisexual and a bibliosexual.
* Meen is a new meme, starting in 2009.
* He once traveled through time, and unintentionally kick-started evolution by ordering a nucleus to enter a cell.
* He found the Enclosed Instruction Book in 1989 and put it in his library. Being illiterate, he never realized the importance of his find.
* He was born on February 30, a day that occurred once to resolve calendar issues too complicated for me to explain. This meant he never got to celebrate his birthday as a child.
* He made several new counterparts of himself including I.M. Speen, I.M. Neen, Red I.M. Meen, I.M. Kablooie and I.M. Meme on September 11, 2014.