Probably Bad 13 NOT Kidnapping, Fully Clothed Sexy Dances, and Digestion

(10th June 2020)

Opening music

Mod pencil

Hello and welcome to the probably bad podcast, a podcast which is definitely bad. I’m pencil.

Paper

I’m paper. Today’s probably bad rpg idea is…

Dice rolls.

PAPER

Host your game session in an escape room and don’t let anyone out untilu the campaign is done.

MOD PENCIL

Paper suggested this one and paper, you’re suggesting kidnapping…

PAPER

It’s not kidnapping, if they consent to go with you it’s only false imprisonment.

MOD PENCIL

Yep, false imprison your game group it’s fine.

PAPER

My immediate thought when I saw it was most escape rooms only give you an hour. So do you need to incapacitate the escape room staff in any way or do you just need to do it in an hour?

MOD PENCIL

Maybe the escape room staff are your game group they can’t end it after an hour because they’re all trapped in there. Essentially you’ve staged an escape room coup and forced everyone to play your campaign.

PAPER

Which again negates the kidnapping aspect which again, if they’re all there is only false imprisonment. We need to be very clear on this… Your honour.

MOD PENCIL

Become a patron for more advice on how to not technically kidnap people. Have any ideas on how to make this a good idea or are we just going to come up with more ways to legally trap people in an escape room?

PAPER

You could incorporate escape rooms quite easily you get ones like a wizard has trapped you in a dungeon and stuff like that. At that point you’re just larping.

MOD PENCIL

It’s just a small very focused LARP at that point.

PAPER

The escape room equipment has already been setup, the DM isn’t going to give it away you kjnow sometimss a player might say something and the DM with their faces gives an indication with their face whether it’s right or wrong but the edscape room has already been set up, you don’t know what the solution is.

MOD PENCIL

Yeah.

PAPER

The role of the Dm at that point is just to get them in there.

MOD PENCIL

Essentially this is some clues and stuff and puzzles you leave them in there and then go get a cup of tea and come back when they’re on.

PAPER

It does seem like a good way to bond as a group. Especially with a newer group.

MOD PENCIL

Do you think it would be a good idea to go to an escape room and do it in character as your D&D characters? Assuming that it’s one that thematically fits with your setting? Cause I could see it being annoying but I could also see it being very fun.

PAPER

It could be very fun right up until you remember all your characters are dumbasses.

MOD PENCIL

It does have a problem that your characters’ stupid decisions have consequences because you’re not in a fantasy world.

PAPER

Your character is a classic no self control rogues and steals the solutions.

MOD PENCIL

I don’t WANT to seduce the puzzle but…

PAPER

Have you considered seducing the escape room staff?

MOD PENCIL

We’re going into probably bad escape room ideas. You solve puzzles just like go up to the escape room guards in your skimpiest clothes… Guards aren’t the words. Escape room police?

PAPER

They basically are guards, they put you in a room and don’t let you leave. they basically are guards. which means by D&D logic you can seduce them or stab them on your way in and run away.

mod pencil

as you can see lockdown is going well for all of us. yeah, so the only good RPG idea is go in character, stab the guard and leave.

paper

we’ve given worse suggestions.

mod pencil

that is fair. I think you could definitely use the escape room for something thoug not at the moment cause social distancing.

paper

genuinely, using like if an escape room closes at say, 6, and you play your game at 8 you could use it to get some atmosphere just play your game normally but you’ve go those surroundings you’ve got the atmosphere. just if you’re doing a pirate game it’s a pirate ship, you do a space game, it’s a spaceship. it’s not the worst idea.

mod pencil

it’s very far from the worst idea. yeah like kidnapping that turns out well.

paper

not technically kidnapping.

mod pencil

not technically kidnapping leads to interesting ideas.

PAPER

we haven’t plugged the patreon for a few episodes, so if you want bonus content like homebrew content, bonus episodes that sort of thing, and I want to thank our patrons because you got pencil a new computer.

mod pencil

I can record podcasts again which is useful.

paper

you’re paying for hosting and for pencil having access to technology.

question music.

paper

this first one is anon, what is your very bad advice for DMs regarding what to do for timeskips, journeys requiring several weeks of ingame travel, online games or when players just get bored.

mod pencil

Sexy dances.

PAPER

Sexy dances.

MOD PENCIL

Yeah, to keep their interest. Just do a sexy dance.

PAPER

Problem is you’ve got their attention but they might be distracted from the actual game. You’ve got to get NPCs to do sexy dances.

MOD PENCIL

Just do sexy dances in character. The orc walks up to and starts to Do-doo-doo, I don’t know much about sexy dances.

PAPER

I don’t know what you’re talkikng about that’s the sexiest noise I’ve ever heard.

MOD PENCIL

Just do that every time… Question wasn’t about seducing players but that’s what it’s become.

PAPER

Have you thought about the dragon age approach of having one random encounter on a journey. To be honest I hope it’s good advice it’s what I tend to do.

MOD PENCIL

The good advice is to have some random encounters. The bad advice is roll a d20 and that’s how many years have passed.

PAPER

Have you considered doing it in real time? So if you meet up with people after a 3 week journey you have to do a session on the road which might just be talking to each other.

MOD PENCIL

I know people are into immersion roleplaying who would be ok with that I also know people who would throw rocks at you. Which is why you need to do the sexy dance. Do-doo-do0o.

PAPER

Have the characters do sexy dances for each other.

MOD PENCIL

What we’ve invented is a strip game.

PAPER

It doesn’t have to be stripping you can do a sexy dance fully clothed.

MOD PENCIL

That’s our advice to you.

PAPER

Next question?

Question music.

MOD PENCIL

This question is from transtheta I’m in very first campaign where everyone is feral and tries to eat the artifacts we’re supposed to get for our quest and the DM hates us. Not really but thinks we’re annoying. It’s not really a question.

PAPER

I think it’s meant to be read as “and our dm hates us?” A general cry for help.

MOD PENCIL

Have you considered not eating dirt? Just throwing that out there.

PAPER

Have you considered leaning into the meaning of the word feral, and just having characters revert to a beast like state?

MOD PENCIL

I think… To be fair the question says everyone is feral, not our characters are feral. It’s possible the DM is trying to read descriptions while they run around.

PAPER

It seems the problem is the DM for not being feral enough.

The DM needs to release them into the wild or bring them to a palyer rehabilitation centre where they can be reintroduced to domesticated mindset and then you can play.

MOD PENCIL

Remember a player is for life not just for christmas.

PAPER

I like that it sounds like multiple artifacts have been eaten. Every game has a character who is like I’m going to lick that, but you’re suggesting that multiple quest objects have been consumed.

MOD PENCIL

To be fair if they did that in LOTR it would be over a lot quicker.

PAPER

Over isn’t necessarily concluded in a positive way. I feel eating the ring would speed up the gollumification.

MOD PENCIL

Make him eat it, pick him up, put him in the lava.

PAPER

Aah, throw the whole hobbit away. Yeet.

MOD PENCIL

Do the magical artifacts still give you powers- if you eat a handband of intellect you stay smart forever?

PAPER

I feel they do until they get digested, so if an item is made of leather it gives you powers for the length of time it takes to digest beef jerkey.

MOD PENCIL

A timeframe we all know about. Yjsy’d snother advantage of my new laptop. I can see how long it takes to digest beef jerkey. About 72 hours.

PAPER

So you’re good for 3 days. Although your first thought after eating the headband of intellect is probably I should not have eaten the headband of intellect.

MOD PENCIL

With my newfound intellect I don’t trhink I should have eaten the headband of intellect.

PAPER

Although technically that would be wisdom instead of intelligence so first thought is have 3 days to use this.

MOD PENCIL

First thought is very elaborate plans to eat all the magic items around you.

PAPER

Some would be easier to eat than others. Some items are full on suits of armour.

MOD PENCIL

You can eat a suit of armour if you’re not a coward.

PAPER

Melt it down int0 a very ferric soup. Now we’re back on lava.

MOD PENCIL

This is a very lava heavy episode. Lava-ly.

PAPER

No. I feel like I have no right to comkplain given the previous 12 episodes but I’m going to anyway.

Pod9 and Bread and Thread Plugs. They’re really good, check them out at the top. That’s it. Just up there. Films and food. What more could you want?

PAPER

Our last question comes from derpravener who I think we’ve had a question from before? Any advice on running a mystery in a game, I’m thinking less mechanics and more making it work in a narrative. Also listening to the latest podcast episode the best way to hide a giraffe is to hide it in a bad giraffe costume. No-one will know. I can’t believe we didn’t think of that.

MOD PENCIL

Yeah. Hiding it in plain sight. Yes. Also the best way to do a mystery game is dress everyone up like bad giraffes.

PAPER

Are you saying the giraffes are a red herring?

MOD PENCIL

The red herrings are all in bad giraffe costumes. But the main problem with mystery games is it’s very easy for players to miss things unless you make things very obvious. It’s hard to describe things in a way that says this is a clue.

PAPER

Mystery games are fun but it’s hard cause you’re relying on your players’ ability to solve mysteries.

MOD PENCIL

The players tend to be a lot smarter and a lot stupider than you think. They’ll often come to conclusions which make a great deal of sense and are wrong and stick to those.

PAPER

I’ve had that and given more blatant clues and instead of realising they’re wrong players just come up with more convoluted ways for new clues to fit their theory. Which is bad detectiving.

MOD PENCIL

I’m trying to find out who submitted this…it is from [inaudible] a free clue roll for anything you want players to learn at least 3 clues that point to that explanation.

PAPER

That is a pretty good rule especially as that’s when they become solidified in their idea.

MOD PENCIL

It also means when they miss up they just go oops (?) another bit of advice is don’t hide clues when they do bad rolls, at least not essential ones.

PAPER

Yeah we had that we knew there was a clue in the study but the highest roll was a 7 and when the fourth person rolled we decided that was the DC.

MOD PENCIL

Basically if it’s a clue the players can’t continue the game without don’t make them roll. We gave good advice there.

PAPER

Yeah what;s happening?

MOD PENCIL

Black out some lines on teir character sheet so they don’t know what class they’re playing. For the aesthhetic.

PAPER

It’s a mystery game in the sense no-one knows what game they’re playing they roll dice and hop0e for the best.

MOD PENCIL

It’s a mystery game in the sense that people think they’re helping with your homework but they realise they’re giving RPG clue descriptions.

PAPER

It’s a mystery game in the sense that you put them in the back of a van then suddenly they’re in an escape room.

MOD PENCIL

Run a good mystery game have mod paper kidnbap you.

PAPER

I would be so bad at kidnapping I can’t do heavy lifting.

MOD PENCIL

You have a van.

PAPER

But you need to lift them. I need a strong sidekick or hench person if you will.

MOD PENCIL

This is my henchman and this is my hench man, who comes around and lifts for me. On that note I think that’s all we have time for.

PAPER

It is if you have a question send it in on tumblr, probablybadrpgideas, probablybadpodcast@gmail.com, you can support us on patreon.com/probablybadrpgideas. Prices start at £1. You can review us on your podcaster… No, podcatcher. Don’t message the McElroys.

Both

And remember to have a probably bad day.