Rogger Mcloud

Photo of Rogger

> ***"ALL HAIL THE MEATMELON!" -*** Rogger during the cult of the Meatmelon
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Rogger Mcloud, one of the most influential people in human history. From uniting Ireland in 1078 to surviving the apocalypse with a bimbo, Rogger is a man who has done almost everything.

## Biography

Rogger is a unassuming looking old man who appears to be in his 60's or 70's. He commonly wears black glasses with a white coat and green shirt underneath. When he was younger he married his first wife Elena whom he had three kids with, Rupert, THE MAN and Rogger Mcloud II. After Elenas death Rogger would have many more wives and children however none of them had much impact on his life with him barely remembering most.

## Early Life

### Emperor of Prussia

Rogger has no memories prior to the 1st of January 687 when he awoke in the middle of a old Prussian tribe along the Baltic Sea. He would immediately challenge the chief to a duel which he would win making him the new chief. Rogger would then start a long military campaign conquering most Baltic coast and pushing far into Central Europe. Soon after his conquest of Finland Rogger would declare the creation of the Prussian Empire. Rogger's reign would be cut short however after he got lost raiding and ended up stranded in Ireland. Rogger's empire would disintegrate shortly after his disappearance and upon hearing the news Rogger decided to stay in Ireland.

### Mercenary Life

Rogger would wander Ireland for several decades as a beggar until one day he was attacked by a thief in a random alleyway. Rogger killed the thief which impressed a bystander who approached Rogger with a deal. He requested Rogger help him take down the corrupt general leading the town which Rogger agreed to. He would then gather many volunteers from the local villages and overthrow the general. This inspired Rogger to start a mercenary group which he would lead with great success. During his time as a mercenary Rogger would fall in love with a woman called Helen however before he could court her Rogger was ambushed by a group of Norsemen whom he had stolen from earlier and captured. The Norsemen then held Rogger ransom however the ransom was so great that no one was able to pay it. As such Rogger remained in prison for thirty years until he was finally able to escape however he had lost all of his fortune meaning he could no longer run his mercenary group.

### King of Ireland

After escaping from his captors Rogger wandered the forest for days until he eventually stumbled upon a caravan transporting the Duke of Murchad. Rogger stopped the caravan and attempted to get a ride with them however they refused. This caused Rogger to attack and caravan and successfully kill the King. After this Rogger declared himself Duke of Murchad to which none of the survivors objected to. After being taken back to the palace Rogger would kill the rest of the Duke's family after they tried to have him executed thereby securing Roggers rule. The first act Rogger committed as Duke was ordering the invasion of his southern neighbor which he did successfully. This made Rogger the strongest king in all of Ireland resulting in most of the other Duke swearing allegiance to him. Rogger declared himself King of Ireland shortly afterwards however many of the dukes in the north refused to accept this resulting in the creation of a coalition opposed to Rogger. The coalition initially did very poorly with Rogger capturing most of the dukes by the end of the year however the King of Scotland decided to get involved on the side of the coalition in order to get revenge after Rogger had sex with the queen of Scotland. This led to the famous Battle of Ulster which saw fifty thousand of Rogger's men fight against seventy thousand coalition soldiers. The battle resulted in a victory for Rogger and the death of the King of Scotland causing a civil war which forced them to make peace. After this the final duke would be captured ending the war. Rogger then castrated all of the dukes that opposed him in order to make an example out of them. After the initial resistance died down the Kingdom entered a period of peace during which Rogger (after many affairs) decided to get married. He chose to marry the daughter of the King of Wales, Elena. Rogger and Elena would have three children, Rupert, THE MAN and Rogger Mcloud II however their marriage wouldn't last due to Elena cheating on Rogger with the Holy Roman Emperor, Friedreich III. Rogger, heartbroken and outraged would kill Elena and Friedreich however this would start a war between the Kingdom of Ireland and the Holy Roman Empire. Despite his best efforts Rogger knew he couldn't win and decided to commit to a last stand in Dublin. When the Empire's armies arrived they outnumbered Rogger 15:1 and placed Dublin under siege. The siege lasted for fifteen years and resulted in over a hundred thousand casualties however Dublin would eventually fall and Rogger would be captured by the new Emperor, Friedreich IV. Friedreich would then take Rogger to Prague where he would try to hang him however the rope snapped and Rogger proceeded to escape Prague and went into hiding. Rogger repeatedly tried to return to Ireland over the next two decades however he never managed to make it without the Emperors men finding him and forcing him to flee. After twenty one years Rogger would hear word that a new King of Ireland has been crowned and that he is no longer considered the rightful ruler. To add further insult Rogger was permanently exiled from Ireland and forbidden to return.

## Exile

### Pirate Life

After hearing of his exile Rogger fell into a deep depression and spent most of his time in bars and pubs drinking his sorrows away. One day after a particularly heavy round of drinking Rogger fell unconscious and awoke on a boat in the middle of the ocean. Rogger was then told that he had been kidnapped by the famous Captain Blood Beard and was now a member of his crew. Rogger complied and joined the crew and soon discovered that he quite liked the pirate life. He served faithfully under Captain Blood Beard for six years eventually being made first mate. Captain Blood Beard would be killed in the middle of battle during an engagement with the Spanish Navy. Rogger would then take command and lead the crew to victory which led to him being voted Captain. Rogger would adopt the name Captain Cook for his ability to cook, drive and fight at the same time. Rogger's pirate carrier would come to an end after he challenged the Royal Navy of the United Kingdom. After a three hour long battle Rogger would be captured and sent to London to be hung

### King of the United Kingdom

Upon arriving in London Rogger discovered that one of his descendants was crowned king of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. After hearing of his great great

## Relations

Over the course of his very long life, Rogger has mad many friends, enemies and lovers .

### Friends

* Crowe Squidly
* Captain Bloodbeard †
* Vordumlir Ironbow
* Flippi Longus
* Akira Ou Lang
* Daniel Thomas †
* Ray McCartny
* Wally Do Ding †
* Willy Do Dong
* Dooglemeister
* Greasy Pete
* City Administrator of City 18

### Lovers/Spouses

* Helen †
* Elena †
* Ava †
* Eva †
* Harald †
* Margret †

### Enemies

* Kaiser Friedreich III †
* Kaiser Friedreich IV †
* The Ancient Terror †
* Anyone who is an archer
* City Administrator of City 8
* Rogger Mcloud IX †
* Zombie Michal Jackson †
* Drip Crispy
* The Wizard of the Wastes
* John Adams †
* Adolf Hitler †
* Bear †