Revising and Gilded get drunk

RS, GM, TOB

…Gilded… have you ever felt like nothing you do matters?

GM:

\*\*\*she nodded.\*\*\* all the time. Is that how you feel?

RS:

and then I risk my life to help save another iterator, and where does that get me? Being berated by members of the group.

GM:

you did your best. Even if you think nothing worked.. do you really think Yarn would have survived if you’d done nothing, RS? \*\*\*she blinked, tilting her head.\*\*\*

RS:

…I suppose not… it still doesn’t make me feel any better.

GM:

that’s okay I’d it doesn’t make you feel better. I, personally, am glad you helped him. Everything you do.. that \*we\* do.. we made those decisions for a reason. And whether they make a difference or not, we can reflect upon our decisions and learn, no matter what they are. Knowing that always brought me even a sliver of comfort.. but I’m not sure how you would feel knowing such. A lot happened with me in the past. I tried everything to protect those I loved, but it didn’t even make a difference in the end. It still breaks me to this day. But I’m glad I’m able to remember the experience and not make those mistakes again.

RS:

…I suppose. But the thing is… there was nothing more I could have done. It wasn’t a matter of mistakes for the most part, it was a matter of being… inadequate. That hurts more.

I was simply not enough.

GM:

I’m.. going to be honest with you, as I don’t see any point in lying. I’m not sure how to comfort you. I’ve felt that way as well, at multiple points, though I can only relate on a certain level.. and I don’t have any advice. But if you need to rant or vent, I’ll be here to listen. I want you to know that. Even if you aren’t comfortable, even if you don’t trust anyone enough.. especially not me, I’ll be here. \*\*\*she paused, thinking.\*\*\* you \*are\* enough. The fact that you’re thinking about the subject.. shows you care about your worth. We are all worth the same. If I’m enough, so are you. If Yarn’s worth fighting for, so are you. If you weren’t able to help Yarn.. shouldn’t you try to help yourself?

RS:

…thank you for… for talking with me, I… am glad we were able to try and help each other. I just wish I could have done more is all. It feels like… I failed my purpose. I was made to facilitate the creation of purposed organisms, so why couldn’t I have whipped something up that could have saved Yarn?

GM:

I am not able to answer that question.. I’m not familiar with all that’s happened. I only know the gist of the whole situation. You didn’t quite know what was happening, though. Not exactly. So how would you have been able to? Purposed organisms aren’t something you can just.. introduce overnight. You saw that with when I was drunk. It’s not your fault. And it never will be. The good thing is that Yarn is alive. Yarn may be going through other things by now, but he’s alive. And because of you.. he’s going to keep living. Without you that cycle, where everything went wrong, if you hadn’t helped.. \*\*\*she trailed off. Gilded wasn’t experienced in comforting others. She didn’t quite know much else than to listen to them. She was trying her best to make sure he knew how much he meant to everyone.\*\*\*

RS:

I thank you for your kind words, but you seem to be missing the fact that I easily could have made a purposed organism in the time Yarn was in my can. And while he may be alive he… Yarn isn’t even Yarn anymore… he says he’s someone else, he doesn’t even remember his name… \*\*\*RS picks up a container of an all too familiar concoction\*\*\*

I’ve been thinking all my life, maybe some time off from that would be nice…

GM:

…don’t drink too much. You saw how that turned out for me. It’s really easy to do it too much. \*\*\*she said quietly, looking at the floor. She felt guilty for not saying anything.l but she’d be a hypocrite otherwise. Maybe that was a good thing, though.\*\*\* promise me you won’t.

RS:

don’t worry about it, I reduced the salt in your drink by a lot. It’s still enough to make me delirious, but it won’t cause lasting damage, and it only affects the puppet.

(RS drinks the liquid).

GM:

oh.. I didn’t know you could do that. Damn. I should have tried that. \*\*\*she blinked, knowing damn well she wouldn’t take anything away from the recipe. That damn thing was the only thing that got her to forget about.. everything. She’s tried less salt before, and it just didn’t have the same effect. She was too scared to add more salt. \*\*\* how is it?

RS:

it’s still pretty salty, but the other flavors mix well. Pretty alright.

GM:

I like the saltiness, in my opinion.. tell me when you start to feel the effects. I recon it’ll take longer than my original blend because of the less salt.

RS:

im not sure about that. While your salt was spread to your entire system, this is  concentrated in my puppet.

GM:

huh.. maybe. \*\*\*she thought about it for a minute, before picking up an empty Pearl.\*\*\* ever get the sudden need to write? \*\*\*she snickerd, getting an idea for a chapter in one of her.. “stories”. \*\*\* bwehehe.

RS:

not really… the need to up with creatures tho? Yeaaahhh

one time I made a lizard with a venom so strong it could corrode metal for a laugh. Guess how my rarefraction cell chamber got damaged.

GM:

I’ll have some with ya. Not a big amount, only enough to like.. like not ruin my entire chamber be damaged as a result. You know? \*\*\*she snickered, going over to the corner and brewing up another batch- but with noticeably less salt. She didn’t take it yet.\*\*\* that sucks, though. I’m sorry that happened.. at least you learned from the experience?

RS:

yeah, I guess I did. Though doing things for the heck of it also got me my Jet Vultures, and I’m rather proud of those.

GM:

yeah- that’s good. For me, I.. I made.. \*\*\*snOrt\*\*\*.. oh my god, remember the blob? Remember what he used to look like? I am.. so sorry. I scrapped him, let him out into the wild with as many tips and tricks I could give him. I didn’t want him to \*not\* know what to do out there.. I still do feel somewhat bad, though.

RS:

yeah… I’m glad that since I was made for creating random creatures, mine usually have some sort of survivability.

GM:

i.. don’t remember what I was created specifically for. That makes it easier for me, knowing that I don’t have to worry about it because I don’t even know. I think taht was a product of the concoction. \*\*\*she took a sip of the drink.\*\*\* this is.. much blander than I’m used to.

RS:

well, I think I may have added a new flavor or two to make up for that. Sorry if I didn’t mention it. I’ll send you the new ingredient ratios later. And as for not knowing your purpose… I suppose it could be a bit liberating, but I think I would go mad not having a purpose. Granted, we all have a shared purpose, but I don’t really see the point anymore with that one, so I defaulted to my other purpose - purposed organisms.

GM:

yeah.. well fuck, don’t make me think about it like that- \*\*\*she laughed at this.\*\*\* uuuugh that’s gonna bother me. Oh well. Might as well create more fucked up organisms until everything eventually works out.

RS:

sorry about that. \*\*\*RS refilled the container.\*\*\* I didn’t mean to make you upset

GM:

no, no.. it’s fine. I’ll forget about it after this, anyway. \*\*\*she got up, going to the salt supply and mixing a handful in. She wasn’t used to it \*not\* being salty. It was still less than usual. Gilded came back, taking a sip.\*\*\* a bit better.

RS:

don’t go too overboard with that.

GM:

shhhh… it’s fiiinne. \*\*\*she interrupted. It was already affecting her systems, though wasn’t nearly as bad as before.\*\*\*

RS:

…if you say so… \*\*\*RS took another swig himself\*\*\*

GM:

it’s weeeird- how this affec-affects my voiceee before anything elllss-e. \*\*\* she blinked, taking another drink. She kicked her feet slightly.\*\*\*

RS:

im not sure how it would affect my voice if I’m being honest… but I haven’t gotten to that point yet.

GM:

mayyyy-be the daaammm-dammage alr-ready done hasss somethin-gg to do withhh it?

RS:

probably. I’m not sure why you’re still drinking that stuff.

GM:

…Reeass-ssons. Reasons III don-t wannt to disc-cusss.

RS:

…understandable.

GM:

hoo-ww is exxx-isttance? \*\*\*she asked, attempting to make some conversation. \*\*\*

RS:

it’s alright, I suppose. You?

GM:

helllll-ish. But I-I’m stilll here. \*\*\*she shrugged. \*\*\*

RS:

is there something I can help you with?

GM:

pprobab-llyy. But youuu know me.(I’m gonna stop typing like that, just pretend she’s still speaking in such) I don’t ask for help. I don’t need help. \*\*\*she shook her head no.\*\*\*

RS:

you seemed to have a very different tune when you accepted the rust eating lizards

RS:

you seemed to have a very different tune when you accepted the rust eating lizards.

GM:

what rust eating lizards?? I doneemember that.. nooo not at alll.. she was a very bad liar when she was like this.

RS:

cmon, we all know you wanted the lizards, you were having issues with the rust, and you were happy to have them.

GM:

there is no rust! rust is none! There’s.. what’s rust?? Nothing I know about, and nothing in my systems that’s cutting off power to my refraction cell every now and then, and it is not a problem!! She crossed her arms, as if she didn’t just say all that.

RS:

…there’s something wrong with your rarefaction cell?

GM:

…

...no...

RS:

…gilded I may be having trouble thinking but I still wanna help

GM:

I don’t need help! she said a bit loudly, her voice cracking slightly- other than the multiple tones and somewhat glitchy sounds. I am fine, and I will be fine.

RS:

…why don’t you want help

GM:

because you’re already so caught up with everything else, you’re not doing okay! I don’t want me to become another one of your problems you feel like you have to fix! That goes for everyone. I don’t want them to worry about me. They sure a stuck don’t have to, so I don’t want to make them.

RS:

…well by refusing my help, you’re making it worse. For both you and me. So please, tell me what’s wrong.

why are you so insistent on this? she said quietly, her voice shaking as she put her head down into her knees.

because I hate to see someone like this, and if I can make it better, I’d like to try.

That, and the fact that you might die if I don’t do something

And it doesn’t even have to be me. It can be one of the other iterators.

GM:

she didn’t answer him, and rather stood up to go to the corner again. She stared at the piles of salt in her storage, grabbing another handful and mixing it into her drink. She didn’t say a word for a good minute. what else were we built for, then? To solve the question, and then what? And then we just.. live? Forever? what do you expect me to do? she said quietly, though loud enough to make out. Gilded’s voice was stern. She turned back, holding the drink as her puppet wobbled over to her original spot.

RS:

I don’t expect us to live forever, but I don’t think that turning yourself into a salt mine is a good idea.

she ignored him, putting the bottle closer to herself. She wasn’t thinking straight. She never was.  you’re drinking it, too. she said sternly, glaring at the hologram in front of her. She literary started to chug the glass, smashing it in the floor when it was done and putting her arms around her knees.

GM:

that was what happens to you after you really start to think. reallly.. start to think. she said lowly, wiping her face if any oncoming tears. Gilded looked to the ground, her reflection scaring her. She hadn’t seen herself in the longest time.  I look… sad.  what an observation. The salt was getting to her. are.. am.. I a machine? Or a… an aminal… am.. I… more gibberish heusuehehhjj.. her head spasmed, her puppet falling over onto the floor. Her eyes flickered intensely, the lights in her can doing so as well.

### 2

--User logged on--

GM:

Sor..ry I’ve been go..ne for the last few..w cycles. st..uf.f.

RS:

gilded.

GM:

wh..at.

RS:

im sure I can tell what you’ve been up to.

GM:

no. I hav..en.t be.en up to any..thin. jus..t laz..in around.

RS:

I mean what you’ve been drinking.

GM:

y..eah. W..water.

RS:

…that’s a lie and we both know it, Gilded Misfortune.

GM:

the..re is..nt salt. Not m..uch. I ll..earned my lesson l..assst time. Whaat els..e do yo..u wann..t from me-e?

RS:

Just that. For you to learn you lesson and for you to stop killing yourself.

GM:

I a..m no..t.

RS:

YES YOU ARE GILDED. You’re destroying yourself from the inside. Do you think that drink if yours is so harmless?

That was harsh. I just do not wish to see you hurt yourself further.

GM:

…yo..u dra..nk it, too. she knew it was hurting her. She knew that damn well- but how else was she supposed to do.. anything? She was so used to it by now, it was like a habit for her to just pick up a bottle. It wasn’t just so easy to stop something so suddenly, especially after a longer time.

RS:

yes. I drank it as well. A grand total of twice. The I locked the rest up. This isn’t healthy, and I know firsthand.

GM:

(gonna stop typing like t..hi..s bc it’s getting annoying) you don’t even know why I created the recipe. Who are you to speak?

RS:

im trying to help you. And you’re just killing yourself. You wanna know who I am to speak My name is Revising Synthesis, the iterator who’s been damaging himself in a desperate attempt to work fast and save your life. Dare I say I value your life more than you do at this point.

GM:

well, maybe I can confirm that theory of yours. Maybe you always have, even before I created the concoction in the first place. Nothing has changed except you hurting yourself over me.

RS:

why do you hate your life so much anyways.

GM:

because what’s life if there’s nothing worth to live for? Living for myself is out of the question. I’m too long gone to do anything with myself, anyway. Everyone ends up leaving. everyone. You live, then you die. And I can’t stop it. As long as I can’t, I’m not appreciating anything until I know it won’t leave me..

RS:

…

GM:

…I’m sorry. I just started blurting stuff out.

RS:

no. It’s alright. You clearly need to talk about this. Take it from me.

GM:

is this why it’s so hard not to trust you?.. though, I don’t think I’m ready to say anything else yet.

RS:

…alright. I’ll listen when you’re ready. I just want to help…

GM:

i know. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry for making you worry so much. I’m sorry for drinking the concoction.. it helps me forget about things. forever, if I’m lucky. so that’s why she was adding the salt. She was damaging her systems on purpose.. but what was she trying to forget? I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry.

--User logged off--

RS:

Gilded…

### 3

--User logged on--

RS:

are you feeling any better Gilded?

GM:

yeah. All better. her tone was strict and stern(if that’s even how this works I have no idea at this point).

RS:

you don’t sound better… Gilded… I really am concerned for you.

GM:

i don’t need your concern.

RS:

you’re getting it anyways. What kind of person would I be if I just let you stay like this?

GM:

a less annoying one. One who would spend his life on something meaningful instead of wasting energy on worrying about me more than he worries about himself.

RS:

…

so you would rather stay like this than have someone try to help you.

GM:

quite frankly, yes. Yes I would.

RS:

why?

GM;

im not worth worrying over. You simply pity me. And don’t try to convince me otherwise.. words won’t help if someone doesn’t believe them.

RS:

…

I’m going to try to help. You can’t tell me not to.

GM:

and you can’t stop me from logging off right now. You can’t stop me from ignoring you, from not accepting your help. What could you do, anyway..?

RS:

gilded. You can talk to me. I’m your friend.

GM:

and how am I supposed to believe that? That any of you are?

RS:

…HAVE YOU NOT REALIZED WHAT IVE DONE FOR YOU? I’ve caused a forced shutdown on myself because I was working day and night to try and help you and Yarn!

GM:

well maybe you shouldn’t have tried to help.

RS:

…

GM:

…I’m sorry. That was too much. I’m acting on anger. Don’t take that to heart.. please.

RS:

…

GM:

i’m sorry that happened. I shouldn’t have said anything.

RS:

...

Revising?

RS:

You know what Gilded. You aren’t the only one with problems here. Yarn is corrupted, I’m incredibly stressed, everyone’s mad at me, and I’m trying to do my best. I understand you’re mad, but that doesn’t give you the right to belittle those helping you.

it’s amazing I’m still helping you considering how much you refuse to take it.

GM:

I know.. I’m sorry. I was angry. I still am.. but that doesn’t mean I have any sort of privilege over you or anyone else.

But I don’t need help. You should focus on yourself. It would be easier for the both of us..

RS:

you should know me better. I’m not going to let you die.

GM:

i know. That’s what scares me.

Now.. if you’ll excuse me, I have some ‘business’ to attend to. I’m sorry I couldn’t stay longer.

..goodbye, Revising Synthesis.

--User logged off--

Overseers appear in Gildeds can, unbeknownst to her. They scanned her memory banks, trying to find any reason she started drinking the condition.

hmm… find the first date she found out about it and go back from there…

alright… there it is…

a slugcat? It attacked her?

she kept it there…

it brought her pearls… so they weren’t always enemies?

go further… ascension?

…

…oh…

…

…

RS:

Gilded… Im so sorry…

#### 4

GM:

What’s.. oh.. this subject. Okay, then, what a.. ‘nice’ time to pop on haha..

TOB:

...

That assessment is reasonable.

Are your systems still...fully functional?

GM:

no. There are a few minor issues, the rust lizards have done what they can- but I think it’s a much deeper issue than just rust. I’m still looking into it, but my current condition makes it somewhat difficult. I assure you I’m fine, though.

TOB:

I...see...

GM:

anyway, I still need to.. look into some things. Goodbye.

[User logged off]

RS:

im scared…

TOB:

Continuous usage of such a thing will lead to no good place.

Are there any solutions you can think of?

RS:

i sent over the rust lizards, but I’m not sure what beyond that.

TOB:

Aside from sending a slugcat to wipe Gilded's memory of the substance?

I see.