Unikitty! X SpongeBob Parody: The Happy Cronicle

*[episode begins at the Happy Burger with Unikitty in the kitchen]*

**Unikitty:** Order up! *[rings bell 3 times]*

**Mr. Happy:** How's it looking out there, little kitty?

**Unikitty:** Like two more satisfied regulars, Mr. H.

**Mr. Happy:** I ain't interested in same old regulars, Unikitty! So I took out an ad in the Unikingdom Examiner to bring in some new customers! Twas a bargain too. *[Unikitty takes a magnifying glass and looks at it]* Only cost me a nickel. So tell me now, little kitty. How many new customers we got out there so far?

**Unikitty:** Oooh, let me see there was... none.

**Mr. Happy:** What?! What do you mean none? Don't these people read the paper? *[walks outside to the newspaper carriers, blows on one]* Oooh, this thing hasn't been touched in months. *[notices the other one, and there is a long line]* While that paper's selling like Uniburgers. Uh, pardon me, sir. Could I interest you in a copy of the Examiner, this fine day?

**Hobo Citizen:** Ha! Nobody reads the Examiner, bud. It's all full of boring charts and facts! *[opens newspaper door]* The Unikingdom feeder's where it's at! It's got like interesting stories and stuff.

**Mr. Happy:** *[reading the newspaper]* "Dirtyboy Strikes Again?" *[not reading]* Wait a minute, aren't these stories a little less than truthful?

**Hobo Citizen:** I don't know. But they're selling!

**Mr. Happy:** Yes, they certainly are. *[Really Old Edith puts in coin to get a newspaper]* Please, allow me. *[Mr. Happy opens newspaper door]*

**Really Old Edith:** Thank you!

**Mr. Happy:** No, thank you. *[closes newspaper door]* Now let's see how much they charge for advertising. *[screams]* 25¢ per word?! The newspaper business sure is easy money! *[Mr. Happy's body cracks and underneath it is his body, but in money form]* That gives me an idea! *[The money falls out of place. Scene cuts to the next day at the Happy Burger as Unikitty walks in.]*

**Unikitty:** What a fantabulastical day! Eh, Frowny?

**Master Frown:** Yep, another wonderful humdrum day slinging burgers. *[Unikitty walks into the kitchen, but hits her face on something.]*

**Mr. Happy:** Off of your duff, little kitty! You think I spent all last night assembling this printing press, so you could laze around all day? From now on you'll be twice as busy. And I expect you to wear 2 hats. 'Cause along with your usual fry cooking duties, you're my new lead reporter for the new *Happy Cronicle*! *[A press badge on Unikitty is shown]*

**Unikitty:** Oh! My very own press badge!

**Mr. Happy:** That's right, little kitty! And here's your very own camera! So you'll need it to document all them juicy stories you're gonna write. Now what are you waiting for, Unikitty? *[cuts to Unikitty walking down the street]*

**Unikitty:** On the thirst for a juicy story, eh? Hmm, but what kind of story is juicy enough to quench their dry news gullets? I don't even know where to begin to look. *[there is a bank robbery going on, two tough man destroying someone's car with fire in the background, and a monster]* No news to report here. Stop the presses, it's Puppycorn! And he appears to be waiting for the bus! This is the kind of breaking story my readers are waiting for! *[takes a picture of Puppycorn]* Prince Puppycorn, I'm Scoop Princess Unikitty from the *Happy Cronicle*. Everyone's wondering, what bus are you taking today?

**Puppycorn:** Oh, I'm not taking a bus, Unikitty. I am watching this pole. So the next time it moves, I will see it!

**Unikitty:** Whoa, this story is juicy! *[cuts to the Happy Burger where there is a sign that says "The HAPPY CRONICLE" on it. Unikitty is writing on the typewriter, then puts it in a pile of papers, then finished the headline for the paper, then puts it in the printing press. Mr. Happy walks in]*

**Mr. Happy:** What a money-tastical day! Eh, Mr. Frown?

**Master Frown:** Yeah, I'm just breaking it in.

**Mr. Happy:** I'm excited about all the newspaper sales, too.

**Master Frown:** We haven't sold any papers today. *[as Unikitty drives a wheelbarrow of newspapers]*

**Mr. Happy:** What do you mean we haven't sold any newspapers? Certainly this gentlemen would like a copy of the *Happy Cronicle*.

**Hippie Citizen:** Looks boring. Can I just have a Uniburger?

**Mr. Happy:** Too boring? *[looks at paper]* Unikitty! *[The HAPPY CRONICLE sign on the Happy Burger shakes]* What's the meaning of this?!

**Unikitty:** Meaning of what, Mr. Happy?

**Mr. Happy:** "Local Resident Watches Pole?" No one's gonna pay to read this malarkey! When you write these stories, you've gotta use a little imagination, little kitty.

**Unikitty:** Imagination!

**Mr. Happy:** Yeah. Maybe instead of "Man Watches Pole," you could say something like... oh... "Man Marries Pole." Then you can alter the photo a little to fit the headline and, see? *[Mr. Happy modified it to look like what he said]* Now that's a juicy story!

**Unikitty:** But Mr. Happy, isn't that lying?

**Mr. Happy:** Don't think of it as lying, little kitty. Think of it as... uh... a practical joke. You know. Something everybody can have a good laugh about. The public expects a little embellishment here and there, so I want you to go out there, and get me a lead story that'll sell! *[cuts to an intersection, and Unikitty is hiding behind a trash can. Stephanie pulls up, and then a Action Police pulls up behind here. Unikitty takes a picture, and both of them look around]*

**Unikitty:** Stephanie is going to laugh her hat off when she reads this! *[cuts to a newspaper that says "Driving Test Teacher in High Speed Chase"]*

**Mr. Happy:** "Driving Test Teacher in High Speed Chase!" I think you finally done it, little kitty! You've given me a story that'll sell! And sell it has! *[everyone has a copy of the newspaper, and Master Frown hands Green Dad a copy]*

**Unikitty:** Yeah, but that isn't the story I wrote.

**Mr. Happy:** That's called editorial privilege, little kitty. It gives you that extra oomph to move units. Besides, how could such a little news story possibly affect Stephanie in any way? *[cuts to Stephanie's Driving School]*

**Stephanie:** I can't believe such a little news story could have ruined my business! *[cuts to Unikitty hiding in a chimney, looking through binoculars]*

**Unikitty:** Let's see what there is to see. Wait a minute. Hawkodile. Hmm, wonder what kind of dirt he has under those muscles. *[goes in the chimney, then hides behind a dumpster]* Uh-huh, this looks shady, very shady. *[Hawkodile walks up to Theodore]*

**Theodore:** Hawkodile, hey, tough guy? Can I punch you in the gut?

**Hawkodile:** Sure. Everybody does. It won't hurt me a bit. *[Theodore punches him, and Unikitty takes a picture, then one of him putting his arms on his chest, then Hawkodile laughs]* Told you it wouldn't hurt.

**Theodore:** Thanks, big guy.

**Hawkodile:** See ya round.

**Unikitty:** *[writes on paper]* Very interesting... *[cuts to a gym, and the teacher is pushing Hawkodile out]*

**Gym Teacher:** Out! Out! Out!

**Hawkodile:** Hey, what's the big idea?

**Gym Teacher:** This! *[hands him the newspaper]*

**Hawkodile:** *[reading]* "Hawkodile the Loser Gets Beaten Up by Pipsqueak?" *[tries to explain to his teacher]* But, but, but..

**Gym Teacher:** *[rudely interupts]* No buts! I can't have a wimp like you destroying my gym's reputation! You're banned forever! *[throws him out, then Unikitty walks up]*

**Unikitty:** Hello, Hawkodile.

**Hawkodile:** Not now, Unikitty. Let me take in the fact that my life is ruined!

**Unikitty:** Ruined? What are you talking about?

**Hawkodile:** These lies someone wrote about me. *[shows her the paper, and Unikitty gasps. Scene cuts to the Happy Burger]*

**Mr. Happy:** Thanks for your business, and here's your paper. *[hands Dainty the paper]*

**Unikitty:** Mr. Happy, can I have a word with you?

**Mr. Happy:** Make it quick, Unikitty. These papers are selling faster then we can print 'em!

**Unikitty:** That's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about, sir. I don't think these stories are doing anyone any good.

**Mr. Happy:** Well, they're certainly doing me some good. *[shows her his office, where there is a lot of money]* Can you believe it? Look at all this loot! *[sits in a pile of money]*

**Unikitty:** Yeah, but isn't there a way we could write juicy stories without hurting people?

**Mr. Happy:** Ah, you just don't get it, do you little kitty? We're not hurting anyone. We're just making their lives interesting for everybody else. *[pushes Unikitty out]* Now get out there and fetch another story! *[cuts to the Bacteria Palace, and a minifigure citizen bacteria named Julius Bacteria walks out of the kitchen with a Meat Stick]*

**Julius Bacteria:** Oh, Belinda! I think this is it! The Meat Stick that's finally gonna drive Mr. Happy out of business!

**Health Inspector:** I think not. I'm Health Inspector Stevens. I'm officially closing down your restaurant for good!

**Julius Bacteria:** Why? I haven't done anything.

**Health Inspector:** *[flatly chuckling]* That's not what *this* says! *[shows Julius the paper]*

**Julius Bacteria:** *[reading]* "Julius' Meat Made of Garbage? The Bacteria Palace serves toxic waste in more ways than one?" *[not reading]* What?! *[The Health inspector locks up the Bacteria Palace with its restaurant sign removed and a poster saying "NOW LEASING" containing a phone number on the poster]* Who's to blame for this? Who?! *[Unikitty is watching, and then floats away, scene then cuts to a long line, and Mr. Happy is in his office with more money]*

**Mr. Happy:** You're reaching new levels of imagination, oh yeah!

**Unikitty:** Yeah, I... I know.

**Mr. Happy:** What's wrong, little kitty? You sick or something?

**Unikitty:** Yes, Mr. Happy, you could say that.

**Mr. Happy:** Don't be silly, little kitty! We're a success!

**Unikitty:** Mr. Happy, we're hurting people!

**Mr. Happy:** Oh, baloney! You better start feeling right! 'Cause if you don't, you can just kiss your favorite toy goodbye! *[shows her pet mascot Pet Pet]*

**Unikitty:** *(Gasps)* Pet Pet?! Mr. Happy, you wouldn't!

**Mr. Happy:** Oh, yes I would! Now get out there, and bring me a juicy one!

**Unikitty:** *[sadly]* Yes, sir. *[cuts to Dr. Fox's Laboratory, where Dr. Fox is doing a series of experiments, then she notices two Science Police carrying a box with awards in it]*

**Dr. Fox:** Hey, where are you going with my science awards?

**Science Police 1:** It says the nerdy tailed fox.

**Dr. Fox:** Excuse me?

**Science Police 1:** Don't worry, we're from the Nuclear Science Committee, and we've come to confiscate all your science awards. Haven't you read today's headlines? *[holds up newspaper]*

**Science Police 2:** It can't even read. Why are you--?

**Dr. Fox:** *[snatches the newspaper from him]* Oh, Gimme me that! *[reading]* "Dr. Fox or Dr. Freak? Wacky crazed brainiac really a nerdy tailed slow-witted fox, by... Princess Unikitty?" *[throws the paper down]* Unikitty thinks she can do that to me?! I thought she was my friend! She's gonna pay for this!

**Science Police 1:** Oh boy... We better scram! The dumb ones are always the most violent! *[the two scientists run away while Dr. Fox is growling popping out angry sparkle matter, cut to Richard in the street]*

**Nostromoo:** Look mom! It's the Boring Guy in the newspaper.

**Green Mom:** Don't look at him honey. he could ruin our fun.

**Richard:** *[confused]* Huh? *[Really Old Edith, Diane, Octokite and Ted Butter is waiting on a bus stop, as Richard flies by]*

**Really Old Edith:** Hey guys look, it's the Boring Guy.

**Diane:** Yeah, get away from us Boring Guy!

**Richard:** But what have I done? *[cut to the downtown]*

**Batty:** Hey everybody look, it's the Boring Guy! *[the crowd boos at Richard]*

**Gizmo:** Get away!

**FeeBee:** Boo! killjoy!

**Rascal:** Fun ruiner!

**Toaster:** You're the worst!

**Toast:** Yeah!

**Richard:** What's going on?

**Dino Dude:** It's all in the newspaper.

**Richard:** What? Let me read that. *[takes the newspaper from Dino Dude and reads it] "*Richard The Boring Guy, is boring and bossy. That makes everyone sleep by his speeches?" *[everyone walks away from Richard, who rages] **WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR WRITING THIS LIE ABOUT ME?!?! WHO?!?!** [Unikitty watches then sighs and flies away, the scene cuts to the the Happy Burger, where there is a huge line, and a sign that says over 5 billion copies sold, and Mr. Happy has even more money, and is in his office with Unikitty, and is laughing]*

**Mr. Happy:** You've really outdone yourself this time! *[his eyes water up, at Unikitty, and she looks even more saddened]*

**Unikitty:** Mr. Happy, I can't write these stories anymore.

**Mr. Happy:** Come on, that's a bunch of hooey!

**Unikitty:** I've seen people and even my friends' lives ruined with my own eyes!

**Mr. Happy:** People want wild juicy stories! That's what sells! Now I want your little pink noggin to come up with the wildest story ever! One that'll top all the others!

**Unikitty:** Gee, Mr. Happy, I've written about everybody in town. Any ideas, sir?

**Mr. Happy:** Surprise me! Give me a shocker! *[throws her in her chair]* Good night, Unikitty. I'll check on you tomorrow morning. And remember, the wildest story ever! *[leaves]*

**Unikitty:** Okay. Got it. *[starts writing/typing, then cuts to the next day where the papers are being printed, and Mr. Happy runs in]*

**Mr. Happy:** How's it going, Unikitty? *[Unikitty turns around, and she is very tired]*

**Unikitty:** Ah, it's a surprise.

**Mr. Happy:** Excellent! We're gonna sell out in no time! We'll have to do another printing. *[runs outside and there is an angry mob]* Huh?

**Green Mom:** You are a taskmaster!

**Green Dad:** YOU ARE A LIAR!

**Squarebear:** You are a fraud!

**Burger Person:** You're also a Hoax News Man!

**Richard:** *(raging) **I SERIOUSLY WANT TO RIP YOU LIMB FROM LIMB FOR WHAT YOU JUST DID!***

**Mr. Happy:** What's going on?

**Green Mom:** You know very well what's going on! *[shows him the newspaper]*

**Mr. Happy:** *[reading]* "Mr. Happy Overworks Employees? Reaps Reward? Happy Cronicle mastermind behind bogus stories pays his tired, employee princess reporter pennies while she rakes in the dough?!"

**Green Mom:** How could you do that to such an innocent princess?! it is sick and inhumane!

**Craig:** How dare you do this to Unikitty!

**Beau:** He, overworked, Unikitty! Mr. Happy had no right to do that! His behavior towards Unikitty is putrid!

**Dr. Fox:** Not to mention the fact that he's written lies about us!

**Julius Bacteria:** I lost my restaurant because of you! And I thought I was evil!

**Hawkodile:** All the kids in town want to beat me up for lunch money! *[cries]*

**Stephanie:** And I've had to go back to watching... daytime television! *[sobs]*

**Richard:** And everyone thinks I am boring! [bawls]

**Green Mom:** Oh, that's it! We're going to beat you to a pulp! *AND THEN WE WILL BE TAKING ALL OF OUR MONEY BACK!!!*

**Green Dad: WE HOPE YOU HAVE FUN BEING UNCONSCIOUS, CHUMP!!** [to the angry mob] **OKAY EVERYONE!! GET HIM!**

**Everyone:** OKAY!

*[everyone runs in and starts beating Mr. Happy up brutally until he becomes knocked out cold. After that,* *the citizens are* *seen* *taking all their money back.* *Mr. Happy* *regains consciousness all battered and bruised, and he starts crying when he finds out all his money is gone. A few minutes later, Unikitty arrives.]*

**Unikitty:** What's wrong, Mr. Happy? Are you okay?

**Mr. Happy:** *[still sobbing]* You Know what's wrong, Unikitty! And how can I be okay when my money's gone?! It's all gone! It just goes to show and that is trying to make an easy buck doesn't pay. *[notices the printing press, finishes crying, and cheers up]* Or does it? *[puts a dollar in the printing press, and turns it on, which makes sheets of paper with just pictures of money]* Get me some scissors, Unikitty! It's time to use *my* imagination!

**Puppycorn:** *[while wearing fancy clothes]* Hey, guys. Could you fix me and the wife up a couple of Uniburgers? *[Puppycorn's "wife," is the pole as described in the newspaper earlier. Unikitty and Mr. Happy are shocked, as the episode is now over]*