Wow Wow

*The shot is placed in the center of the street, in an old western town. A black horse rounds the corner, being ridden by Jimmy Kong. His outfit is notably different, wearing a black button-up shirt and cowboy boots. Weasels come out to look as he plays a tune on his white guitar and sings:*

**Jimmy Kong:** *When you're down on your luck*

*There's just one place to go*

*A place of carelessness*

*That few people know*

*Four-legged creatures running*

*fun, fancy, and free*

*No denying that Weaselton*

*is the place to be*

*A weasel polishing a glass kicks open the swinging door to a saloon.*

**Saloon Weasel:** Would you shut your trap out there?! As sure I as I am that Weaselton is ever-so-grateful for your melodies, not all of us are your patrons, and have work to do.

*Jimmy Kong squints in the sunlight and smiles a bit. He hops off his horse, bringing it closer to the saloon.*

**Jimmy Kong:** My dearest apologies, sir. Can't help but feel a song comin’ on in a place such as this one.

*Jimmy Kong starts to tie his horse to a post by the saloon.*

**Jimmy Kong:** Truth be told, I was just about to stroll on into this saloon to meet up with some companions… bit of a game we’ve been hosting. Hope my tune didn't offend you too much for me to come in?

*The weasel considers for a moment as Jimmy Kong finishes tying.*

**Bartender Weasel:** Fine, come on in. Just hand over your weapons by the door.

**Jimmy Kong:** Of course.

*The Bartender Weasel passes through the saloon doors, with Jimmy Kong in tow. The saloon is occupied by the contestants (wearing a number of hats and other distinctive outfits) and a number of weasels. One is playing the piano. Jimmy Kong hands his gun over to the bartender.*

**Jimmy Kong:** She's yours for now, sir.

*Mister Snake, Bracelety and Toxic Mushroom are seen playing cards around a table.*

**Bracelety:** That's a bunch of nonsense, there is no way on god’s green earth that was your real hand. You cheated.

**Mister Snake:** I've never cheated once in my natural-born life! Ma’am, I think you need to sit down and face facts.

*Jimmy Kong puts two fingers in his mouth and whistles. The patrons turn to look at him.*

**Jimmy Kong:** Come along, contestants. We’ve got an elimination to do.

*The contestants get out of the chairs and start looking towards the door. The Bartender Weasel is visibly shocked as they exit the saloon.*

**Bartender Weasel:** When he said he had companions, I didn't reckon he had twenty.

*The shot cuts to Jimmy Kong and the Manatees team on the outskirts of town. The Explosifs team look on.*

**Jimmy Kong:** Howdy, Manatees. You lost last time. We got twenty-two votes.

**Domino:** A high number, considerin’ they had to be sent in by telegraph.

**Jimmy Kong:** If I call your name, you are safe, and you’ll get a brand new hat!

*Jimmy Kong points to a pile of eleven cowboy hats.*

**Bracelety:** But Jimmy Kong, all of us already have hats!

**Jimmy Kong:** Right you are! A number of you will be pleased to know you got zero votes. These people including Bracelety, R.I.C., Four 2.0, Domino, Poke Egg, Ilobulus, and Calligraphy.

*Jimmy Kong throws out seven hats. Four 2.0, who’s typically metal parts are made of wood and held together by nails, hits his face.*

**Ilobulus:** Now hold on just a minute, how come Four 2.0 hasn’t caught his hat?

**Jimmy Kong:** Nobody wound him up. You know how machines are.

*Hearty turns the crank on Four 2.0’s side for awhile. He starts up again.*

**Four 2.0:** THANK. YOU. YEE. HAW.

**Jimmy Kong:** Poorly-Made Card, despite your quality, you only got a vote. You’re safe.

*Jimmy Kong tosses a cowboy hat to Poorly-Made Card.*

**Jimmy Kong:** Hearty, you only earned yourself two votes. You’re safe as well.

*Jimmy Kong throws a cowboy hat to Hearty, which lands on top of the one she’s already wearing.*

**Jimmy Kong:** Sheriff Seal, you got two votes. You’ll protect Weaselton for another day.

*Seal catches his cowboy hat.*

**Seal:** Arf.

**Jimmy Kong:** Now it’s just down to Alarm Clock and Toxic Mushroom.

*Alarm Clock is seen, looking much more rustic than usual. He is an analog clock with a phonograph horn attached on the top.*

**Alarm Clock:** Oh no!

**Toxic Mushroom:** If I die, I’m dying standin’ up. I’m no coward.

**Jimmy Kong:** One of you is safe with seven votes, and the other is eliminated with twelve. Eliminated with twelve votes is…

**Jimmy Kong:** Alarm Clock!

**Alarm Clock:** Pshaw! Shows what those voters know!

**Jimmy Kong:** My apologies, fella. Follow me to the dynamite pile.

*The shot cuts to Alarm Clock, sitting on a big pile of dynamite. A large fuse leads to a dynamite plunger that Jimmy Kong has his foot on.*

**Alarm Clock:** Consarnit… goodbye, everybody.

*Jimmy Kong slams down on the plunger, blowing up the dynamite and Alarm Clock.*

**Eraser Cap:** You know, I always did figure that was a little barbaric.

**Jimmy Kong:** Perhaps, but we’ll revive them at the end. I'll admit to y’all that I didn't particularly have a challenge in mind for today. Would it ruffle your tailfeathers if we kept from doing one for now?

**Ilobulus:** Kong, I think that is a mighty fine idea.

*The other contestants chatter in agreement.*

**Jimmy Kong:** I’m still uncertain. Four 2.0, what do you think?

*Jimmy Kong turns to Four 2.0. He's completely unmoving.*

**Jimmy Kong:** Dagnabit, it looks as if somebody forgot to wind him up again.

*Computery walks over, also made of wood. He reaches to start cranking Four 2.0’s handle.*

**Computery:** I'll tend to it! We mechanical minds stay unified…

**Jimmy Kong:** Well I suppose we oughta take a day of rest. In meantime, would y'all like to spectate the town hanging today?

*The contestants cheer. The shot cuts to the contestants amongst a crowd of weasels in front of a scaffold. A weasel with a scar over his eye is shown with a noose around his neck, next to the Mayor Weasel and an executioner holding a wooden lever.*

**Cola:** Who is this varmint?

**Jimmy Kong:** That's Il Brutto. Real name is Marcus, but that doesn’t sound nearly as good. Most skilled assassin around, recognizable by his scar. He was hired to kill the Mayor’s wife, and he received an extraordinary wage for doing so… but now he's facing the ultimate price.

*The Mayor Weasel turns to the crowd.*

**Mayor Weasel:** The man standing before you, murdered my dear wife Missy. And now he will receive what's coming to him.

*The crowd cheers.*

**Il Bruto:** Sir, you must reason, she was revived shortly afterward…

**Mayor Weasel:** SHORTLY AFTERWARD three weeks of cranking the recovery machine. I'm certain no one will have the same amount of courtesy for you. Farewell, Il Brutto.

*The Mayor Weasel nods his head to the weasel standing next to him. He pulls the lever, leading to the trapdoor under Il Bruto swinging downwards. He dangles for a moment as the crowd cheers, but then the crowd gasps as the rope snaps. He falls through the trapdoor, landing on the ground under the scaffolding. The Mayor Weasel is visibly shocked.*

**Mayor Weasel:** No! No, but it was a brand-new rope… five-strand hemp… nobody could have broken it, it couldn't have gotten broken!

*Il Bruto nervously gets up and looks around.*

**Executioner Weasel:** CATCH THAT CRIMINAL!

*The crowd starts clamoring over Il Bruto’s freedom as he starts to scurry away. Sheriff Seal pulls out his gun and fires at him six times, but misses all the shot. He looks at his gun.*

**Seal:** Arf…

**Jimmy Kong:** That infernal weasel’s escaped! Hey… hold up a second.

**Night Cap:** Oh no, Jimmy. You couldn’t possibly mean-

**Jimmy Kong:** Oh yes I do!

*The shot cuts to Jimmy Kong and the contestants on the gallows, talking to the Mayor Weasel.*

**Mayor Weasel:** Well frankly, I don’t know if you should be the ones to catch that bad egg.

**Jimmy Kong:** You sure, Mack? I’m afraid if we don’t go after that lickspittle he may be a goner. As fine as your team of police is, it’s mighty difficult to fire a gun when you’re on all fours.

**Mayor Weasel:** Excellent point, Jimmy… I trust you. You’ve taken out varmints in this town before. I know you folks can do it again.

**Jimmy Kong:** Thank you, mister! I guarantee we won’t fail you. That yellow-bellied coward won’t know what hit him.

*The scene transitions to everybody walking away from the gallows.*

**Jimmy Kong:** So, what’s our first move to tackling this guy?

**Fish Bowly:** You know, with all of the attention on him, I can imagine Il Brutto ain’t gonna be stickin’ around in this town much longer.

**Jimmy Kong:** That’s a pretty fair estimate. Seal, you know anything about where he was stayin’?

**Seal:** Arf!

*Seal starts wandering ahead of the group.*

**Jimmy Kong:** Everybody, let’s follow ‘em!

*The group starts catching up with Seal. The shot cuts to the contestants inside of an old west house, with a number of weasels situated inside.*

**Seal:** Arf?

**Officer Weasel:** Sorry sheriff, we’ve searched the whole house… can’t find anything on his whereabouts. We found the box he kept one of his weapons in, though.

*The officer presents a wooden box to Jimmy Kong and the others. He opens the lid to find a carving in the shape of a pistol.*

**Jimmy Kong:** Hmmm… wonder where he put his gun. Maybe this could still help out.

**Isotope:** Hey, it’s lookin’ as if there’s a slab you could pull out of this box.

*Isotope reaches for a handle in the middle of the box, pulling out a wooden slab and revealing a secret compartment at the bottom. It shows a leatherback journal.*

**Jimmy Kong:** That’s a darn good eye, Isotope! Let’s take a little look at this book and see what this guy’s up to, hmm?

**Poke Egg:** Flip to the most recent entry, there’s probably somethin’ there.

*Jimmy Kong flips to the middle of the book, where the newest entry is. He starts reading aloud:*

**Jimmy Kong:** “January 4th, 1819. Dear journal, I am afraid this could be my last entry. The law is hot on my trail for killin’ the mayor’s wife, and I do not have much time left in this town. I will be moving to live with the Slapahoe tribe out of town. Although I have spent much time gettin’ acquainted with them, I’m afraid they may not welcome me as an equal. I may need the assistance of the cash I earned for layin’ Missy to rest. Signed, Marcus.”

*Jimmy Kong closes the book.*

**Jimmy Kong:** Well fellas, we’ve got our challenge! Whoever can find Il Brutto amongst the members of the Slapahoe tribe, wins the challenge for their team.

**Officer Weasel:** Jimmy, I’m very sorry, bu-

**Seal:** Arf!

**Officer Weasel:** My dearest apologies, sheriff. We’ll stay out of it.

**Jimmy Kong:** Let’s get goin’, guys!

*The shot cuts to Jimmy Kong and the contestants approaching a collection of teepees in the middle of the desert. A cooking fire is set in the center.*

**Jimmy Kong:** There they are, the Slapahoe tribe. We don’t cross paths frequently.

**Bubble Chat:** Why do you think that is? :o

**Red Velvet:** You know, the Weaselton fellas shoot the Slapahoe fellas, the Slapahoe fellas scalp the Weaselton fellas, all that good stuff.

**Jimmy Kong:** Hey, there’s the chief on his way.

*The chief weasel walks over to Jimmy Kong.*

**Chief Weasel:** Greetings, foreigner. What’s poppin’.

**Jimmy Kong:** Hello, sir. We’re huntin’ down a weasel that killed the mayor of Weaselton’s wife, and it says in his journal that he joined your people. This guy’s mean as catmeat, and the faster we put him away, the better. Do you mind if we take a look and find him?

**Chief Weasel:** We’re not typically so welcoming of Weaselton people, but we don’t take kindly to murderers around these parts. We’ll let you survey everybody.

**Calligraphy:** This is gonna be tough, all of these weasels look the same!

**Chief Weasel:** Really racist of you to say.

*The shot cuts to various contestants talking to the Slapahoe weasels. The scene zooms in on a wooden USB, talking to a tribe member.*

**USB:** Hi, we were wondering if you would happen to be…

*The weasel stares at USB for a moment.*

**Tribe Weasel:** Happen to be what?

**Computery:** Excuse my friend here, she can only hold one byte of data. The technology is still very primitive. Would your name happen to be Marcus?

**Tribe Weasel:** Alright, thanks.

*The shot cuts to Mister Snake sitting next to the daughter of the chief.*

**Mister Snake:** So uh, ma’am… I was just thinkin’ you were mighty purdy and I was wonderin’ if-

**Daughter Weasel:** Sorry, but no.

**Mister Snake:** Damnit!

*Mister Snake slithers away, but bumps into a weasel. He turns around, revealing an eyepatch.*

**Eyepatch Weasel:** Hey, watch where you’re goin’!

*Mister Snake stares at him in silence. R.I.C. walks over.*

**R.I.C.:** Hello, sir. Could you please take off your eyepatch?

**Eyepatch Weasel:** Sure thing.

*The weasel takes off his eyepatch, revealing another eyepatch.*

**R.I.C.:** How about the second eyepatch?

**Eyepatch Weasel:** Absolutely.

*The weasel takes off his eyepatch, revealing a third eyepatch.*

**R.I.C.:** And then that eyepatch too.

**Eyepatch Weasel:** I would prefer not to, ma’am, I like this eyepatch.

*R.I.C. bites off the weasel’s eyepatch, revealing Marcus’s scar. Everybody turns to look at him.*

**Poorly-Made Card:** THAT’S THE VARMINT!

**Hearty:** GET ‘EM!

*All of the weasels and contestants start dogpiling on Marcus. He starts screaming.*

**Jimmy Kong:** Good goin’, R.I.C.! You just won the challenge!

**Mister Snake:** What in tarnation?! But I found him!

**Jimmy Kong:** Tough luck, she revealed he was Marcus. Vote for anyone on Les Explosifs below:

* Bubble Chat

* Cola

* Computery

* Eraser Cap

* Fish Bowly

* Isotope

* Mister Snake

* Night Cap

* Red Velvet

* USB

**Jimmy Kong:** Voting ends January 13th, 1819. Goodbye and good luck. R.I.C.?

**R.I.C.:** Huh?

**Jimmy Kong:** R.I.C.?

*The shot cuts to Jimmy Kong in front of the fridge, with the freezer door open. R.I.C. is mumbling in her sleep in front of him.*

**Jimmy Kong:** R.I.C.!

*R.I.C. wakes up.*

**R.I.C.:** AH! ...Oh, hello, Jimmy Kong.

**Jimmy Kong:** You were talking in your sleep pretty loud. This fever’s getting you super bad, you slept through the whole day today.

**R.I.C.:** Oh. I’m sorry.

**Jimmy Kong:** Don’t be.

An awkward silence persists between the two.

**R.I.C.:** Jimmy?

**Jimmy Kong:** Yeah?

**R.I.C.:** I had this dream… I had this dream that we were all here in the 1800s… and we were cowboys.

**Jimmy Kong:** That’s really stupid.

**R.I.C.:** I know.

**Jimmy Kong:** Weaselton was only founded last year.

**R.I.C.:** I know… what was the real challenge?

**Jimmy Kong:** The Mayor Weasel got his head stuck in a tube and we had to help him out.

**R.I.C.:** Oh… okay.

**Jimmy Kong:** Goodnight.

**R.I.C.:** Goodnight.

*Jimmy Kong closes the freezer door.*