TRP: Goro and Jasmilia (Rings)

LINA

[Setting: Day 386. A bar in Calimport. It's in a busy neighborhood and easy to find, but mostly empty in the mid afternoon.]

Goro showed up an hour early, because he fucking refused to not be the first one there.

He chose a table in the corner and sat with his back to the wall. Ordered some juice to give himself something to do, but then was too nervous to even touch it.

He shuffled his feet on the floor and scowled at the door. Not on purpose, really. Just couldn't seem to do anything else with his face, waiting for her to show up.

COYOTE

Jasmilia took her time. When she finally did enter, her face was smudged with soot. She wore a pin with Rexarius's gold claw on her front, and her thick black hair was tied back in a messy ponytail.

She paused when she saw Goro, eying the table he'd chosen. She glanced, briefly, annoyed, at the chair across from him, then grunted and sat down in it.

"What," she said.

LINA

Her proximity made every inch of him want to twitch and fidget. He wanted to spin his ring, tug on his bracelets, chew his fingernails.

He settled for bouncing his legs under the table. That was all she'd get out of him.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. Started to unfold it, then hesitated. "Can you read Elvish?"

COYOTE

"Yeah," Jasmilia said.

LINA

Goro finished unfolding the letter and held it up for her to read.

Ma,

I have a request. Can you send me Grandma's ring? I know you haven't even met Mia yet, but she's the one, Ma. I can feel it.

- Luka

COYOTE

Jasmilia's expression slowly changed as she read the note. Reread the note. Then reached to take it.

LINA

Goro pulled back, more on instinct than anything. He froze, not sure if he should let her take it. He didn't want her to take anything from him. But--

He dropped it on the table and put his hands in his lap.

COYOTE

She picked it up, gently, like it was made of ancient papyrus and might crumble under her fingers. Her eyes were very wide and her lips were pursed tightly, and her hand wavered a little when she touched it. She slid the paper over to her like she was afraid he might take it back.

Her eyes shifted up again. "Where'd you find this?"

LINA

"The Alabaster Military Museum. Exhibit with a bunch of crap--" It wasn't crap. "Things from my dad's family."

COYOTE

"You got any more?"

LINA

Goro's frown deepened. "Not with me."

COYOTE

Jasmilia kicked up her feet on the chair next to Goro and stared him down silently.

LINA

Goro swallowed. "So. Where's his grandma's ring?"

COYOTE

"Where's the other fuckin' letters?"

LINA

He looked up at the ceiling and crossed his arms. He ground his teeth for a second. "In my fucking house. Where do you think?"

COYOTE

Jasmilia considered this, watching him with hooded eyes. She didn't move for a long time; then she unbuttoned the top button of her tunic, revealing a steel chain around her throat with a ring. The ring was plain, made of iron and some rich, dark wood.

LINA

Goro blinked a few times and swallowed again. This whole mission suddenly felt fucking futile.

"I want it," he said simply. "It's my family heirloom."

COYOTE

Jasmilia sat up straight and put her feet back underneath her. She looked fucking pissed. "You want me to give you my goddamn wedding ring?"

LINA

Goro flinched. God, he fucking hated her--wasn't hardly anyone else who could make him do that. "I do. That's how heirlooms work, ain't it? You pass 'em down."

COYOTE

"How would you know?" She took an apple off the table and began to peel it with a knife.

LINA

He clenched his teeth so hard it sent a shooting pain through his skull.

Didn't matter. Didn't matter. Didn't matter. She was nothing to him. She couldn't hurt him. Was just some lady spewing bullshit. (The fuck had Luka seen in her?)

"So, is that a no?"

COYOTE

"It's a maybe."

LINA

Goro started tugging at his bracelet.

COYOTE

"I'll trade you," Jasmilia said.

LINA

"For what?" He felt sick. There was no possible good answer.

COYOTE

Jasmilia's eyes flickered down to the letter, which she carefully folded up and tucked into her breast pocket, where it'd be hard to steal. "The rest of the letters."

LINA

Goro's breath caught. He pulled his feet up on the chair and hugged his knees to his chest. He hid his face in his hands, fingertips digging in along his hairline. Bad. Bad. Showing weakness. Or was there maybe a tiny part of her that'd soften if she saw her son hurting? No. Fuck no. She'd sold Bakir to pirates. She'd done it while he cried and begged her not to.

Already Goro was mentally cataloging the letters, working through an anxious haze in his mind to figure out if there were ones he could stand to part with. Not the ones he'd hugged to his chest and wept over. Holding him seems to ease the constant ache in my gut. She didn't know how many there were. She didn't know what they said. He still had most of the power, here. He shook his head, face still hidden.

COYOTE

Jasmilia continued peeling the apple. "They're my fucking husband's letters, Goro. How the fuck would you feel if your boyfriend died?"

LINA

He uncovered his face to glare at her. His eyes were red, but dry. "I'd cherish his fucking children, for one. I'd do anything for them. I'd keep them safe, and warm, and fed. The fuck do you think Luka would say if he knew what you did to me?"

COYOTE

Jasmilia seemed caught off-guard by that-- at least for a second-- and then her face settled, and became cold again. She sliced off a chunk of the apple and popped it in her mouth, then chewed it, not looking directly at Goro.

LINA

Goro snorted, and put a hand over his mouth too late to muffle it.

COYOTE

"You got something to say, street rat?"

LINA

Goro put his feet back on the floor and relaxed a tiny bit. If that was what she was resorting to, he knew he'd fucking got her. Might not last--she'd recover quick, probably--but it wouldn't change the fact that for a second there, he'd got her.

"Might be your husband's letters," he said, "but they're also my dad's letters. Who wins?"

COYOTE

"Might be your father's ring, but it's my husband's ring he gave me. Who wins?" Jasmilia said. "You, with your fucking self-pity and your twitching and your sad looks and your scoffing. You wanna come here and fucking guilt me into giving you the last piece I have of my dead husband. You want me to feel fucking bad for you, is that it? When you don't give a shit how I feel?"

LINA

Goro opened his mouth, then shut it. There was too many thoughts competing in his head, and he didn't know which one was gonna come out.

You want me to feel fucking bad for you? God. She was fucking nuts.

He frowned thoughtfully, eyes scanning over her face. "Tell me how you feel, then."

COYOTE

"What? No."

LINA

"Why not? I wanna know. Did you really love him?"

COYOTE

Jasmilia cut him a flinty look. She toyed with the apple a bit, then finally said, "I would've kept you. If he'd... if he hadn't gotten sick. We would've kept you."

LINA

Goro bit his tongue. God, did that ever invite some choice sarcasm.

But he was trying to get information. It'd be short sighted to cut her down now.

"Mhm?"

COYOTE

"Yeah," Jasmilia said shortly. "I loved him." She slouched down in her chair across the table. "He liked me. Even though I was... abrasive. He said I stood up for him. I got the tanner to pay twice as much for his hides when they told him to fuck off because they didn't serve elves. I knew Renar wouldn't like 'im because he wasn't tough enough, was no good at business or city stuff, so I figured we'd just stay in the forest instead and not... go back to Renar. Yeah. I loved him."

LINA

"Enough that you would've kept me," Goro filled in.

COYOTE

Jasmilia was quiet for a while, staring at the apple as she cut off another chunk. "He would've been a good dad," Jasmilia said shortly. "You deserved that. Ain't much of a mother. Was just as good without me as with me."

LINA

Goro was quiet for a minute, just watching her. "Ain't fucking true." He swallowed, but it didn't do shit for the lump in his throat. "I felt safe with you. I remember that much." He scowled. "I never felt safe again."

Not until--

Like hell he was gonna share that with her, though.

COYOTE

Jasmilia face twisted up awkwardly, like she was pissed, or unhappy, or both.

And then muttered, "I'm sorry."

LINA

"What about Bakir?" he spat.

COYOTE

"He takes more after Peter. Least you're half Luka. You're half good. Bakir ain't even half. He's half bitch and half idiot."

LINA

Goro held very still, gripping his wrist. He could see his pulse beating in the corner of his eye.

He waited until the urge to lunge across the table and throttle her had settled down a little. He cleared his throat. Had to fucking stay on task, here.

"Do I look like him?" he asked. "Like my--my dad."

COYOTE

Jasmilia watched him closely, mouth twitching up at the corner with a vaguely satisfied but angry look.

"Yeah," she said. "You wanna know how? Is that it?"

LINA

Goro nodded.

COYOTE

Jasmilia examined him a little while, like she was picking out all the small ways. And then she said, "Your face is a lot like this. And the eyes. That part's dead-on. The boniness, though. The awkwardness. The gangliness. The hardness. That part's Basha blood, through and through. You'll see it in Larkin, too, and Renar. That iron core."

She paused for a while, like she was searching for the words.

"Luka was soft," she said.

And then she paused a longer moment.

LINA

Having her scrutinize him... it was different. It didn't make him feel squirmy, or anything, like he normally would. He usually couldn't handle anyone looking at him like that. Felt uncomfortable when even Hansel looked at him too long -- although it was a good kind of uncomfortable, somehow. Still.

He sat there and took Jasmilia looking at him like it was nothing.

He decided it was because she wasn't really looking at him, and he knew it. She was searching for someone else in his face. Goro felt like he was holding up something that didn't really belong to him and letting it be examined.

He hugged an arm to his chest while she talked. He didn't like the boniness or the hardness. He loved Larkin fiercely, from head to toe, and the hardness fit her. Didn't bother him on her. But it bothered him on himself.

COYOTE

"I think the thing that bothers me the most--" Jasmilia started to say, then stopped, and seemed to rethink.

She jerked her chin at him.

"He used to do that," Jasmilia said. "Sit the way you do. With his arms like that. And he'd fucking fidget the way you do, too. That twitch you've got, and the way you fiddle with that bracelet. He used to mess with his wedding ring. He'd twist it around his finger when he was nervous, worrying it with his thumb." She swallowed. "He looked happier, though. Lot happier than you. He was soft, like I said. Gentle."

LINA

Goro softened -- paradoxically, maybe -- and closed his eyes. He hugged his arm tighter to his chest protectively. Possessively.

Oh.

He'd thought he was this way because... because something had broken him and made him like that, he guessed. And he'd hated it.

But no. It was Luka.

Goro curled in a little bit, almost hugging himself. For a second, he felt... peaceful, almost.

He sat up straight suddenly, opening his eyes. "His wedding ring?"

COYOTE

"Yeah?"

LINA

"What happened to it?"

COYOTE

Jasmilia's eyes narrowed, briefly.

LINA

Goro stared at her, hope stinging in his chest.

COYOTE

Her eyes pinched. "Far as I know, it's gone. He was buried with it. Kept it with him." Her voice was short again. "He always said he knew he'd outlive me, and... our kids, too. He talked about-- how he wanted to be a dad, but-- I mean, you mate with a fucking human, you gotta watch your kids grow up and grow old before you're even half-dead." She swallowed. "But he said he'd always remember me, and he'd keep the ring with him. So... when he died first, I figured... that's what he'd want. To-- to have it with him." She shook her head. "Maybe it's in his tomb. Or maybe it's been robbed by now. Who fucking knows."

LINA

Goro's heart sank. Tears pricked at his eyes, which--oh, no. Fuck no. He stuck his thumbnail in his mouth, which wasn't great either, but it was better than crying, and he felt like he had to pick one or the other.

"I exhumed him," Goro said around his nail. "Wasn't any ring. But his tomb hadn't been disturbed before I got to it." He didn't think Jasmilia was lying, though. "The fucking clerics. They must've taken it. Said they were burying him for free as a favor, but they couldn't even fucking do that much." Bitterness choked off his voice, and he struggled to get the words out.

COYOTE

Jasmilia's face became very cold, again, not angry, just sharp, and she put her elbows on the table, finishing off the apple. "Huh," she said, then paused. "Huh."

LINA

Goro stared at the ring she wore on the chain and kept biting his nail.

COYOTE

"Letters or ring," she said. "Take your pick."

LINA

"Bitch."

COYOTE

"Better a bitch than a doormat."

LINA

He rolled his eyes and took his thumbnail out of his mouth. He stared at the table. "There's... there's one letter I wanna keep."

COYOTE

"Then I at least wanna read it."

LINA

Goro crossed his arms and rocked himself back and forth a little. He made himself look up at her. "He wrote it on the day I was born. Talking about how perfect I was and how good I made him feel. I hope it makes you feel like shit. I hope it makes you feel so guilty you never sleep through another goddamn night in your life. He loved me so much and you threw me away once he wasn't looking. Fuck yeah, you can read it."

COYOTE

"Kid, you're thirty years old," Jasmilia said. "I've done my processing. I've had time."

LINA

He snorted and scooted back from the table. "Worked out real well for you, huh? Fuckin' lost every goddamn family member you got since me. Well fucking done, lady."

COYOTE

"Haven't need any fucking family since Luka," Jasmilia said.

LINA

Goro ignored that. He was pretty sure he'd said that same kinda shit before, when he had no one. "Same time, same place. Day after tomorrow. For the trade."

COYOTE

"Sure."

LINA

He stood up, started to step away, and paused. "Did his ring--look the same as yours?"

COYOTE

"Yeah."

LINA

He narrowed his eyes, looking at her ring a little longer, making sure he'd well and truly memorized it. "In that case, let's make it a week from today. If I can find his in the abbey vault, you can keep that one."

COYOTE

Jasmilia's face became very cold again, and she stared at him, dead-eyed.

LINA

"What?"

COYOTE

"Rather have my dead husband's letters than the ring."

LINA

Privately, Goro was fucking thrilled. Now he knew exactly how much that shit was worth to her. But he kept his same hard expression on. "Then you'd better hope I'm feeling real fuckin' charitable next week, I guess."

He started for the door.

COYOTE

Jasmilia let him go.

LINA

[end]

TRP: Goro and Jasmilia (Rings). Day 386. Goro meets with Jasmilia to ask for her wedding ring, a Voronin family heirloom. Jasmilia says she will trade it for Luka's letters. Goro agrees, planning to forge copies.