296: Stilled By the Majestic Boringness

## Summary

Raphina and Batthwack hurriedly heal the grateful Anglerfish, who shines a blue light on the dragon to aid them in their fight. Will and Rosco get blown up amid their attempts to fend off the dragon, who is a formidable opponent, continually goading the party and talking about gifts and saying it remembers them from the temple. Could this dragon actually be Savnok himself?

## Synopsis

Fragments of the shattered orb fly in all directions spraying both Raphina and Batthwack with razor sharp shards. The dragon growls with frustration. *"What's going on here? The door for four? There's... There's four of you's down here? Who's up there with my orb?"* Rosco, still covered in the dragon's sticky goop, tries to explain his comment away, but the time for talking seems to have passed. The dragon's tail makes to swipe at Rosco, who instinctively casts *Enlarge Reduce*, though he's not even aware he's doing it. Dire Crab Will uses his *Bend Luck* ability, snapping his claws crabbily to make the dragon feel small, and Rosco's spell works! The dragon shrinks down to half it's size, and what would have been a very hefty clubbing with its tail, becomes just a hefty smack on Rosco's bare butt instead.

   Raphina and Batthwack are still behind the *Fog Cloud* obscuring the butte, but can tell that tensions have spilled over into something more physical. Raphina's hastily casts *Mass Healing Word*, singing out *"Restoration!"* to heal herself, Batthwack, and the Aeonian Anglerfish. With this the Anglerfish seems to regain some of its composure, floating back upright towards a normal orientation and the glow of its lure starts to intensify. *"Thanks, man. That feels really good,"* it says. *"I almost feel like I could really do some good here. You got any more of that left?"* Raphina runs in and hugs the fish. They introduce themselves and the Anglerfish says, *"If you want, you could just call me Aeon."*

Meanwhile, the dragon goads Rosco, urging his friends to show their faces. *"If you don't call your friends out right now I'll spank you again,"* he says. Rosco says that his friends are dead, and this flummoxes the dragon for a moment. On top of the butte, Batthwack also heals the Anglerfish, who puffs up and a shine comes over is his scales as life seems to pours into him. His lure is now glowing very brightly. *"You guys want me to help? Take down this dragon fucker?"* says the Anglerfish as Batthwack casts *Shield of Faith* on it. *"Let's take this guy down, then I think we got some stuff to talk about,"* continues the Anglerfish, causing Batthwack to have a moment of doubt. Should they kill the dragon? *"He's not good,"* reassures the Anglerfish, *"but I mean, let's take out the dragon and then you can kill Savnok."* *"You know that name?"* asks Batthwack incredulously. *"Yeah, that's the fucking thing that's had me trapped in his dumb orb."* Well that's enough to convince Batthwack. *Let's kill him,"* the dragonborn says.

Despite his natural urge to run and hide, Crab Will actually decides to use his big crabby pincers to hang on to the dragon and try to prevent him from going anywhere near the orb. He floats up and snags the dragon with his big claw, pulling it down to the sediment. Rosco thinks it's time to spank the dragon back. He casts *Shillelagh* on his quarterstaff and, wielding it two-handed, he smacks the dragon before dodging back to try and coax it towards him and away from the orb. *"I would call you a dragon, but now you look more like a lizard, or something a bit smaller. Looks like something kinda happened... like... shrinkage?"* he taunts.

The Anglerfish says *"Alright guys, check this out. This will help a lot."* Even though he can't see the dragon for the *Fog Cloud*, the Anglerfish seems to have a sense of where it is. It's lure glows brightly and a ray of blue light blasts through, completely dissipating the *Fog Cloud* and smashing directly into the dragon, infusing it with a blue glowing light. Will and Rosco look up towards the butte and get their first glimpse of the Anglerfish, and similarly, Raphina and Batthwack can now see the dragon, with a huge crab dangling off of its back. Something clicks in Batthwack's mind and he realises why the dragon's voice is so familiar. It's just how Savnok had sounded back at the Amber Temple.

Raphina levels her *Oathbow* at the dragon and takes aim. An arrow whips through the water and lodges into the dragon's side, sending a little burst of blood into the water. The dragon wrestles itself free of Crab Will's pincer and whirls around to see where the shot had come from. *"Oh, there you's are! Hey, I know you two up there! I seen you before."* *"Why are you here?"* calls Raphina. *"You're gonna join me or not?"* replies the dragon, before continuing, *"You's guys clearly know what you're doing. Come on. You want to make this world what you want it to be?"* *"We want you to leave,"* says Batthwack sternly. *"No, come on. You don't want to be around with that... Look at that ugly fish!"* says the dragon. *"Is he still talking?"* mutters Batthwack angrily and prepares a javelin. At this, the dragon's mood seems to become more serious. It says, *"Come on. Look at me! You want to fight me?"* and it rears up vertically, though still upside down, and spreads its wings wide. It is a daunting sight. Batthwack puts a hand on Raphina's back to reassure her and Rosco manages to hold his nerve. The sight of this dragon, with it's head down below, tail up above, and wings flapping out wide, is something truly daunting to behold and Will is terrified.

The viscous mucus-like substance coating Rosco has over time been breaking down somewhat as he's moved about in the water. It is at this moment, just as the dragon rears up impressively, that something is triggered, and a giant explosion sends shockwaves hurtling outwards from Rosco. The blast also catches Will and the two of them are severely burned. Batthwack hurls his javelin, quickly following it up with a second, both of which strike true, but barely seem to scratch the dragon. *"What do you think about that Savnok?"* calls Batthwack, who wants to see if the dark power is there. *"Yeah, you are aggressive to me, I get it. Come on, don't you all's want to join me? Maybe get some gifts? You know I'm good at giving gifts,"* says the dragon. *"We'd rather you just leave,"* says Batthwack forcefully.

Crab Will, still terrified and now badly burned as well, scurries under the shipwreck for cover. He dispels the *Polymorph*, returning to his normal appearance and casts *Detect Thoughts*. Does the dragon really want to talk, or is it all a trick to get them out in the open? However, when Will casts the spell, it instantly fails and it's clear that there is just no way into the dragon's mind. It suddenly dawns on Will that Savnok's gift at the Amber Temple was the power to shield the mind, so it must have a powerful *Mind Blank* protection in place. Also, the dragon's empty voids for eyes remind him of what happened to Lank after he accepted Savnok's gift. Safely out of harms way, he steels himself and feels his fear subside.

Rosco lies reeling on the floor, finally feeling like it'd be ok now if the dragon were to shift his attentions elsewhere. He casts *Expeditious Retreat* and makes a run for a copse of kelp closer to where Raphina and Batthwack are stationed, sliding to safety amongst the waving fronds. The Anglerfish says *"Oh man, that explosion was rough. Here, guys, look at this!"* The blue beam remains fixed on the dragon, but at the same time the Anglerfish's lure glows orange and everyone feels a warmth roll over them as they all receive some healing. Raphina joins in, casting *Mass Healing Word* on herself and her comrades.

The dragon says *"You know guys, this isn't cool. We have a history you know. Don't you remember? In the temple? Where's your friend? Where's that Lank guy? I can't read his mind for good reason. I gave him some good shit."* *"He made a big sacrifice. Saved us all,"* says Raphina sadly. *"Dummy. Wasn't worth it, was it?"* replies the dragon mockingly. Raphina replies, *"You'll have to ask him. Except he's not where you're going."* *"Wow. Strong words from a small lady,"* says the dragon. His attention shifts. *"Where's that fucking crab?"* he says and reaches down, biting directly into the shipwreck and tearing a huge rotten chunk away to reveal Will. *"Oh there you's are. Oh hey! It's you too! I know you!"* says the dragon gleefully as he takes a swipe at Will. Luckily one of the dragon's claws catches on the ship's mast, cutting the brunt of the attack short. From atop the butte, the Anglerfish makes a rallying cry to muster everyone's strength. *"Yeah, we got this guys. Let's take it down."*

## Quotes

* Add your favourite quotes from the episode here!

## Trivia

* The episode title was something Alex said when the dragon reared up to its full height in terrifying style and tried to intimidate the party. While everyone was rolling wisdom saving throws, Alex reminded Eric of something about his character. *"Oh, Batthwack has an aura of courage. 'You or friendly creatures within 10 feet cannot be frightened.' Yes, explicitly it matters, because that's exactly what he's trying to do."* KT: *"Oh my god! All the time? I love that! That's such a great Batthwack feature. That shouldn't just be a paladin thing, that should just be Batthwack's feature. That's amazing. I love that so much."* Eric: *"I picture Batthwack just reaching out, putting a hand on Raphina's back."* KT: *"I know!"* Abby: *"I know... You've nothing to fear."* Alex: *"You try to be afraid, but you're stilled by the majestic boringness."* KT: *"It's lovely. I love it."* Eric: *"I know. It's such a wonderful picture... Um... But Will is terrified."*
* This week's episode description describes the Pork Fried Dice wiki as: unabridged.

## Gallery

*Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice*
Tactical map for the dragon fight!
## References

1. ↑ Later in the episode Eric decided that Will had in fact *Polymorphed* into a dire crab, rather than a common or garden giant crab.
2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 See episode 119: Guys, My Sinuses Have Never Been Clearer
3. ↑ Adam reminds us that Rosco had mixed some liquor with his water-breathing potion, which apparently gave him the extra hit points he needed to survive this enormous blast. See episode 292: Is Condom a Condiment?
4. ↑ See episode 163: Physician, Heal Thyself