Valentinian I

Valens (Brother)

Gratian the Elder (Father)

Marina Severa (wife)

Justina (wife)

Galla Placidia (Granddaughter)

Valentinian III (Great-grandson)

Honoria (Great-granddaughter)

Galla (daughter)

Theodosius I (son-in-law)

Flavius Valentinianus (321-375), better known as Valentinian I, was a Roman emperor best known for being so angry at the fact that Germs exists that makes Cato the elder's hatred for the punics, Domitian's hate for the senate and caracalla's hate for the plebs look like a fucking joke, as he literally died from a bursted blood vessel after interacting with them in 375

## In "Unbiased History"

"**Diocletian's Tetrarchy"**

After Diocletian murders the Sassanids during peace talks, Galerius tells him to not burst a blood vessel, foreshadowing Valentinian's death.

### **"Constantine the Great"**

Valentinian is the recruit seen alongside Constantine, trying to keep in his rage as many half-Germs began to infect the army at hand.

### **"Imperial Wrath"**

After being stranded in Germania alongside Julian, strangling a Germ with one hand, he helped Julian hold back the Chnodomar-led Alemannic horde near modern Strasbourg. When Julian returned, Barbatio blamed all of his wrongdoings on two of his subordinates, including Valentinian, causing him to be banished from the army. When Jovian died suddenly in his sleep, his general elected the nearby Valentinian as Augustus, splitting the east with his brother Valens as soon as he reached Constantinople.

Sending a letter to Germania to remind them that he would never ally with them, being unable to meet a Germ face-to-face because of his immense hatred of them, he got word that Valens was facing a usurper in the East. However, Germans soon invaded Gaul afterwards, making sure his focus was on his citizens than that of his family. He was brutal towards anyone of barbaric or traitorous origins, feeding them to Golden Camel and Innocence, his two pet bears. He also legalized polygamy because his wife wanted to marry Justina. Finally, he passed a law to prevent the clergy from owning property, sensing greed from them.

He was on his way to launch a punitive campaign against the Germs when a Great Conspiracy arose: a coalition between the Franks, the Hibernians, the Picts, and the newly-formed Saxons invaded Britannia. He sent a general to fight, but failed. Another one was sent, but the weather stopped him. Finally, he pulled out his trump card: Theodosius the Elder, who retook the entire province for Rome.

He had a sickness that nearly killed him, so he made his son Gratian into his heir to prevent another power vacuum. As he recovered, he organized the murder of a Germanic king, making him smile, a rarity in his life. This helped him recover and start his delayed punitive campaign against the Germans, decimating a horde that tried to ambush him in the process. Valentinian tried to build a fortress, but the Germs destroyed it after being refused an audience. He tried to set up a battle between the Alemanni and the Burgundians, but the Burgundians joins the Alemanni after also being refused an audience. It was wearing down Valentinian's patience more and more. He also got word of North Africa going to hell, which was stopped by Theodosius, but he had to leave the Rhine after a decade because the Sarmatians were invading the Danube. The barbarians, after being beaten by Valentinian, blamed him for everything, causing him to massacre them some more.

Valentinian's patience was gone. He had had enough of the Germans invading, insubordination and treachery amongst his troops, and the constant suppression of his own anger, so gave the Germans an audience after a peace treaty was signed. The Germans, in front of his face, lied about peace, saying they would destroy the Romans, no matter what it takes.

This was the last straw for Valentinian. He let out all of his anger, destroying the chair he was sitting on and turning the sky red. His bears had run away, his Palatini backed off, and his anger went full force. Seeing all the horrific actions the Germs had done in the past, HE SLAUGHTERED ALMOST EVERY FUCKING ONE OF THEM! THEY WERE TO SUFFER IN HIS HANDS! ONE WAS BEHEADED, ANOTHER STUCK TO THE WALL BY HIS BLADE! PICKING THE LAST TWO SURVIVORS, HE WAS PREPARED TO GIVE THOSE FOUL BASTARDS THE MOST DISGUSTING, GROTESQUE AND BRUTAL FUCKING DEATH IN THE HISTORY OF THE ENTIRE ROMAN-

\*pop\*

Valentinian became so angry that a blood vessel in his brain exploded, killing him instantly. He would be known as the last great Western Emperor to rule an empire at peace.

### **"The Fall of Rome"**

Valentinian is shown in the ending montage, alongside Constantine, his sons and daughters, Julian, Licinius and Daia, Fritigern and Shapur II, Bishop Eusebius and Arius, a Palatini guard, Valens, and DEVS himself.

## Trivia

* While Valentinian's death was caused by his intense anger, he suffered an epileptic fit from a stroke rather than instant death from brain's blood vessel rupture.
* The accounts of Valentinian I's polygamy was written by Socrates Scholasticus, whose Nicene Christian beliefs reflected his refusal of divorce and vilification of Justina due to her Arian Christian beliefs.
* Although a devout Christian, which causes the volatile Emperor to beat a Pagan priest for blessing him, he tend to tolerate pagan beliefs albeit forbidding blood sacrifices and night-based rituals.
* Despite Valentinian's cruelty and temper, he provided state-funded orphanages for abandoned children, capital punishment for infanticide, and medical services in Rome's poorest districts.
* In reality, Valentinian was known for recruiting Germanic warriors into the army albeit for pragmatic reasons.