RQG 75 - The Show Must Go On!

## Content Warnings

Undead (Western-fantasy zombies), rotting flesh, gore, stench, exploding flesh, burns. SFX: squelching, splashing. [Bonus: just so many bowling puns]

## Summary

The party takes the zombie fight to the docks. Sasha and Grizzop try to shut everything down, Hamid tries to keep it going, and Bertie gets ...messy.

## Synopsis

The episode starts out with combat. After all the zombies are dealt with, the guard comes over to thank them. Bertie smells terrible and is covered in zombie gunk. Hamid casts *prestidigitation* on Bertie and he’s clean, but still smells awful. Grizzop looks around for a hose, and then turns the spray on Bertie to hose him down.

On their third attempt at hosing him down, it finally works, and Bertie doesn’t smell anymore, unless one stands very close. They decide to head toward the opera, and Sasha suggests that they should stop by a shop and purchase some supplies before they head over just in case. Sasha buys 5 alchemist fires, Grizzop buys more arrows, Bertie buys a gas mask, boiled sweets, a rose, and a gold-plated bowtie, and Hamid buys a bunch of flowers and some fancy clothing for Sasha and Grizzop - he doesn’t expect them to put it on, but he has them just in case.

They start walking toward the opera and discuss how to handle the situation; Grizzop and Sasha want to stop the opera and convince the managers that there’s a danger there, but Hamid and Bertie are set on actually seeing the opera. Bertie is lagging behind as they all rush to the opera house due to his lowered Con.

As they make it there, people are just beginning to enter. It’s a huge gothic structure, with huge banners hanging on each side with cast members. One of them (a banner of Aziza) looks like a spitting image of Hamid. Grizzop still wants to cancel the opera, and says that they need to find a manager - Hamid is still resistant to that plan, saying that if they cancel the opera, Kafka will know they’re onto him. Grizzop ignores him and runs over to a desk, demanding to speak to the manager. Bertie asks for a program while they wait, and Grizzop is just drumming his hands on the counter, impatient. The manager finally turns up, a severe-looking woman with a tight bun. Grizzop says that he’s a paladin of Artemis and that they’re chasing down a rogue mage who is planning to start a ritual under the opera house. She doesn’t believe him, saying that the wizards would have sent someone to handle the situation if that were true. Grizzop says that they sent him, and Sasha chimes in, saying that zombies have been popping up everywhere and that people are in danger. Hamid, on the other hand, is trying to convince the manager that it isn’t that serious and that they don’t need to cancel.

The manager escorts them into the office to avoid making a scene. Grizzop tries to persuade her to let them have a look around, and also to cancel and evacuate the opera house. She tries to shut the door, but Sasha stops her from closing the door, saying that people deserve to know what’s going on. The manager says that she’s trying to avoid panic. Hamid and Bertie wait outside the office, with Hamid listening in. She says that if Grizzop and Sasha can show her some proof of something happening, she’ll cancel the show as they ask. Grizzop asks for her name, and warns her that if something happens and people are hurt, he’ll tell the Temple of Artemis that it was partly her fault. She gives them access passes so that they can freely walk around the opera house, and Grizzop and Sasha get two more for Hamid and Bertie.

Outside the office, Bertie is ordering drinks for himself and Hamid, and Hamid is evaluating the opera house, looking for exits and choke points so that if something happens they’ll know how to direct people.

## Quotes

**James**: "Alex is really invested in these zombies, he’s done loads of backstory for them."
**Alex**: "That one’s Greg, that one’s Gary. Gary and Greg have a timeshare together in the Swiss Alps, it’s really beautiful."
―The party fights the zombies.

**Bryn**: "What we really need is an Alchemist's Electricity rather than an Alchemist's Fire."
**Lydia**: "An Alchemist's Damp."
**James**: "Alchemist's Dehumidifier."
**Alex**: "Alchemist's Damp is just a spritzer you're just like, "No!""
**Bryn**: "Alchemist's Damp is my burlesque name."
―The crew cracks jokes.

**Lydia**: "I'm gonna a do a, just—she's just gonna do a roly poly backwards. It's gonna be incredibly mundane compared to her usual thing, but it's one of those roly polies that keeps going for ages."
**James**: "A roly poly poly."
**Lydia**: "A roly roly poly poly, yes."
**Bryn**: "A rolyolyolyolyolyolyolyoly poly."
**Alex**: "Could you please roll—"
**Bryn**: "If you would describe this move with a metaphor, would it be similar to the spin of a bowling ball as it travels down a lane, you know the way you get that sort of—"
**Alex**: "I will. Kill the party. I will. Kill the party!"
**Bryn**: "Sort of tropic(?) effect so it looks like it's rolling in one direction while moving in the other direction."
―More bowling puns are made.

**Alex**: "Then, roll your attack."
**Lydia**: "Yup, I do that thing ..."
**Alex**: "Natural 1, natural 1, natural 1."
**Lydia**: "I did! It was a natural 1!"
**Alex**: "*Oh! Fear me! Don't anger me!*"
―Sasha fails at throwing her alchemist's fire at the zombies.

"Yes, I can summon natural 1s, I just don't do it often."
―**Alex**

**James**: "He is now going to charge at them, like a 14 weight bowl ... -ing ball, in the arm of a seasoned professional, being tossed down a ... ultra polished clear pine bowling alley, hyper greased—"
**Alex**: "Halfway there, you start to get tired. This fight's run much longer now that your Con is damaged. You'll be taking a penalty that negates the bonus to your Charge. Don't pick a fight with your GM, they control the world."
**James**: "Gah, fine."
―Bertie attacks the zombies.

**Lydia**: "Am I on fire?"
**Alex**: "I don't know, let's find out together! *[Alex rolls a die]* No, you got lucky. You didn't anger me enough."
**Lydia**: "You know who is on fire?"
**Alex**: "Surely some kind of bowling person?"
**Lydia**: "Someone ... that had done really well at bowling."
**Alex**: "Yeah that's what I thought ... I saw that one coming."
―Even more bowling puns.

**Lydia**: "Sasha doesn't have ... anything left to throw!"
**James**: "Daggers?"
**Alex**: "Insults!"
―Sasha needs a weapon.

"Sasha was a bit distracted by being on fire, so after a tiny bit of fumbling, she finds—as she fumbles, she's going to find a dagger, statistically, because she's covered in daggers. The, the lining of her clothes are also covered in daggers."
―**Lydia**

**Alex**: "So, an arrow dings off the left shoulder, "What, what?!", a dagger sinks into the right shoulder, "Ah! What?!" You're getting attacked by your own party."
**Bertie**: "Do you mind?! *I'm busy!*"
―Hamid and Sasha accidentally attack Bertie.

"And then I'm gonna fire the next arrow into the ground at Bertie's feet. *[Grizzop voice]* What? I thought we were doing a thing."
―**Ben**

"If we change our lifestyles then the necromancers have won!"
―**Bertie**

**Hamid**: "You can’t possibly cancel this show, look at all the important people here!"
**Grizzop**: "What about all the people that are gonna die?!"
**Sasha**: "What matters more to you, mate, your sister being alive, or your sister showing off?"
**Hamid**: "If we alert the necromancer to the fact we know his plans, he might change them!"
**Grizzop**: "Not if I shoot him in the head first."
**Hamid**: "We won’t find him. He won’t turn up unless the opera’s happening."
**Grizzop**: "He’s probably already here preparing!"
**Bertie**: "Quick, quick, time is of the essence, if we don’t put an order in now then we won’t have drinks at the interval!"
―Hamid doesn't want anyone to cancel the show.

"I'll be keeping this, and I'll be letting the Temple of Artemis know that you were, uh, mildly helpful. But if anything goes wrong and if any very high profile citizens of Prague, maybe any of their leads(?), the Mayor, Senators, anything like that, I'll let them know that you are personally responsible for the deaths of those individuals because you did not allow the Temple of Artemis to—in partnership with the University of Prague—to do their full job."
―**Grizzop**
## Dice rolls and Mechanics

Hamid rolls a perception check to get Grizzop clothes and Bertie assists: Hamid rolls a 19, Bertie successfully assists (13).

Hamid rolls a perception check to get Sasha clothes and Bertie assists: Hamid rolls a 14, Bertie successfully assists (24).

Grizzop makes a diplomacy check on the manager: 15.

Hamid and Bertie make a hindrance check on the manager to stop Grizzop: Hamid gets a 15, Bertie gets a 16.

## Combat Breakdown

Combat continued from previous episode.

**Initiative:** Hamid (23), Zombies, Sasha (14), Grizzop (11), Guard 1, Guard 2, Bertie (3)

**Round 2**

Hamid: Casts *magic missile* through Bertie’s legs - one missile hits each of the three zombies in front of him. The two closest take 4 damage each and the one farthest takes 3 damage.

The zombies: Three swarm around Sasha, three around the remaining guard. Two already in front of the guard attack him and both miss.

Sasha: Rolls 28 for perception and realises these zombies are different than the ones in the square, they absolutely reek and are in worse condition. She takes a step back and throws a bottle of alchemist fire at the horde; she rolls an 26 on the attack and it hits. The one in the middle takes 6 damage and the surrounding zombies take 1 splash damage.

Grizzop: Uses rapid shot to take an additional attack. He rolls a 19 on the first attack and the zombie in the middle takes 3 damage. He rolls a 17 on the second attack on the same zombie and it takes 6 damage.

Guard 2: Takes a step back and attacks a zombie but misses.

Guard 1: Continues to flee.

Bertie: Moves to the middle of the zombie horde and begins to cleave. He rolls a 16 on the hit on the first zombie, and deals 15 damage. The zombie explodes and Bertie rolls a fort save of 11, everything seems fine. He attacks a second zombie and rolls a 17 to hit, and deals 15 damage. This zombie explodes as well and Bertie rolls a fort save of 5.

(Bertie takes 2 psychic damage for starting a round of bowling alley puns. Everyone then takes 2 psychic damage for continuing the bowling puns.)

**Round 3**

Hamid: Moves to another warehouse building to hide and casts *magic missile* at the zombies surrounding Sasha. The zombies do not fall. (They don’t say how much damage he did)

The zombies: The remaining zombie by Bertie attacks him and misses. The other zombies shuffle toward Sasha.

Sasha: Surrounded by zombies - she successfully tumbles away with a 23 acrobatics roll. She moves next to Grizzop and rolls a nat 1, dropping the alchemist’s fire at her feet. Sasha takes 6 fire damage and Grizzop takes 1 splash damage.

Grizzop: Rolls a 17 on the first attack on the zombie in front of him, dealing 6 damage - the zombie explodes. On the second attack, he rolls an 18 to hit, and deals 3 damage. This zombie explodes as well. He moves away from the burning area.

Guard 2: Flanks the remaining zombie, successfully hits, deals max damage, and the zombie explodes. Bertie rolls a fort save of 12.

Bertie: Is at the base of one of the pontoons, and charges at the other horde of zombies on the other end. He attacks the zombie in front and rolls a 24 to hit, dealing 10 damage. The zombie explodes and Bertie rolls a fort save of 5.

**Round 4**

Hamid: Loads his crossbow, takes a step forward, and shoots at the zombie, missing with a 9. It ricochets off of Bertie’s armor but doesn’t deal damage.

The Zombies: The remaining zombie turns and moves toward Bertie.

Sasha: Is not on fire. She throws a dagger, but misses with a 15. Instead, it hits Bertie (Alex rolled an 18+8-4 to attack), as she was throwing into melee, and deals 1 damage to Bertie.

Grizzop: Fires two more shots - he hits on a 17, dealing 7 damage, and the zombie explodes. Bertie rolls a fort save of 12. Grizzop then fires the final arrow into the ground at Bertie’s feet.