Episode 61: Mallory Hates Boys (and Gym)

The episode for "Mallory Hates Boys (and Gym)" was originally released on April 24, 2017. **You can listen to it here.** This episode is 1:01:12 long.This week's ghostwriter: Suzanne Weyn.

*Previous:* Episode 60: Stacey's Choice | *Next:* BSCC: Mystery – Stacey and the Missing Ring | *Or,* see all episodes.

## Official Episode Description

It's "pandemonium" in Stoneybrook this week! Which means, troublingly, that ALL the demons are back. And, perhaps worse, all the boys are being strange and difficult, which is stressing Mallory out to no end. A guest appearance from some of the business boys over at Goliath Industries does very little to ease the tension, and neither does the extended discussion of alleged boy Logan Bruno's complicated relationship with American sports. Not a good showing for ANY of the boys this week, so it looks like Mallory may well be onto something here.

## Music Credits

* “Where Did She Go,” by OurMusicBox
* ”Touch The Sky,” by 98.20.11 X Bienkovsky
* Original Intro by Scott Lamb
* Superbrat Outro by Superbrat

## Ann's Epithets

Baby Bee Amanda caught the “Stormborn” epithet, which was introduced this week - Ann was born during Hurricane Connie. Tanner also adds that she is a “Stormwalker”.

Jack continues to read the 25 facts list, and identifies Ann’s fear of bats. They workshop several bat-related nicknames. “Why can’t we talk about Bane?” Jack is Secretly British when doing a Bane (from Batman) impression. They quote a Metallica song.

## Book Description

Jack’s description is very light and horror-filled, like Edward Scissorhands. "Something is affecting all the men in the sleepy hamlet of Stonybrook. "Boys will be boys," say the towns folk to each other, but they know in their hearts that these boys are something more than that - something worse. And one Stonybrook resident, the brave and independent minded Mallory Pike is tired of sweeping her town's secret under the rug. Determined to rescue Stonybrook from its menfolk, and if she can, rescue Stonybrook's menfolk from themselves, Mallory finds herself drawn into a mystery that is bigger than she ever imagined. One that leads her to the most startling conclusion of all - the answer she never expected to find - volleyball?"

## Segments

###  American Sports

Jack is vexed about the Tuesday night football game discussed in the book. Football is almost never on Tuesdays; there were only two such games, per Tanner's Googling.

Tanner tries to name soccer teams.

###  Burn Of The Week

Tanner's "sickest burn" he's ever read in one of these books: "Your face is killing me!" Not actually a Pete book, either, this is a fine showing from rookie Suzanne Weyn.

Jack: "You're an old grouch-head!" / "You're a hider-head." / "You're a spider-head." / "You're a fighter head." Jack is Secretly British here.

Tanner: Mr. Pike is doing "not all men".

###  Claudia's Closet

More holes = more power, last discussed in Episode 59: Dawn Saves the Planet. Jack went through and catalogued every type of earring Claudia wore since book 1 to date: dangling jointed skeletons, lobsters, pink flamingos, palm tree, teddy bears, dog + bone, plastic earring the size of a jar lid, painted beads, ladybugs, artists' palettes, dinosaurs, a Christmas tree light that blinks on and off, cactus, spiders, poodles, a record and a stereo, huge pretend emeralds surrounded by phony diamonds, dangling watermelon slices, feathers, dough. In this book, paper mâché tropical fruit.

This week, however, Dawn was wearing four matching sparkly rose-colored earrings.

###  Deep Voice Boys

Jack is Mark Markson, who now lives in a house with Dave Daveson and Rich Richson. Tanner is Goliath Hardbody. Jack becomes Rich Richson, and Goliath wants Rich to write some children's books; Rich has a poor volleyball game, so Dave is put on the phone. Dave is also bad at volleyball. Mark is also bad at volleyball.

###  Strike Against the Patriarchy

This whole book is a strike against the patriarchy; Mallory becomes Diana the Huntress.

###  Tanner Googles

Tanner Googles "Tuesday night American football" and reads from an article.

###  Tearful Moment

Tanner: Ms Walden invites Mallory to try out for the archery team

Jack: Ben waits for Mallory

###  Wandering Frog People

WFP update: the frog sat int he Greenrings' shower for several months. Jaime snuck the frog into Tanner's running shoe before he went to Tokyo. Tanner didn't go for a run while they were in Tokyo, and didn't invoke the flamingo fight when she handed the frog to him back in NYC.

## Theories

###  Bee Theory

Drones are the male bees in the hive that are born in the spring, just like the boys in this book.

###  Sentient Orb Theory

Dawn is wearing four sentient orbs in her ears.

###  Witchcraft

Logan is a snake in the grass, discussed in depth this episode. There is a brief summary of the factions and how they stand at this point.

## Jack's References

* Ms. Walden (“like Thoreau”).
* ”Pandemonium” is the first word of the book.
* Artemis in Greek mythology, see Metamorphises
* Jack names “adamantium” and “vibranium”, neither of which Wonder Woman’s bracers are made of.
* ”I feel like Ovid among the Goths.”
* Like Penelope waiting for odysseus to return
* "Wheel of Time only went 17 books and that shit got bananas by the end."
* Ann is the George R. R. Martin of books about babysitting, because she'll kill off any character.

## Tanner's References

* Tanner hated PE as a child and hated volleyball the most, just like Mallory.
* Wonder Woman: Tanner wrote an article about how her bracers are the strongest fictional metal.

## Notes

* Don’t triangulate: Tanner has a friend named Jim.
* First non-Super Special to have a Logan Bruno POV chapter.
* Jack does "your skin is hanging off your face" again, last seen in Episode 58: Keep Out, Claudia!.

## References & Links

1. ↑ 25 Random Facts about Ann: https://www.facebook.com/notes/ann-m-martin/25-random-things-by-ann-m-martin/288178898393/
2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 Tuesday night football: http://www.nfl.com/news/story/09000d5d81d32bae/article/blizzard-forces-postponement-of-vikeseagles-game-to-tuesday
3. ↑ A Dark Tower reference: https://darktower.fandom.com/wiki/Lobstrosities
4. ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The\_Wheel\_of\_Time#Development
5. ↑ "Misfortune, injury, and death (including false death and reanimation) often befall major or minor characters, no matter how attached the reader has become. Martin has described his penchant for killing off important characters as being necessary for the story's depth: "when my characters are in danger, I want you to be afraid to turn the page, (so) you need to show right from the beginning that you're playing for keeps." via Wikipedia
6. ↑ Which fictional metal is the strongest? https://www.buzzfeed.com/awesomer/which-indestructible-metal-is-actually-the-strongest

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