The Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2011

## Introduction

*Todd plays "On the Floor" by Jennifer Lopez and Pitbull on his piano.*

***THE TOP TEN BEST HIT SONGS OF 2011
A year-end review***

**Todd**: 2011 has been...a strange year.

*Montage of clips from The Nostalgia Chick's reviews of* Grease 2 *and* When Harry Met Sally... vs. Sleepless in Seattle*;* Suburban Knights*; Obscurus Lupa punching him; and Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2010*
**Todd (VO)**: A strange year for me *personally*, at least. Let's see, I've been abducted several times, I'd fought for the fate of the world, I was punched in the face with great frequency, I drank way too much, and weirdest of all, ...

**Todd**: ...I started facing to the left. Bizarre, I know.

*Clip of Katy Perry - "ET"*
**Katy Perry**: Different DNA
**Todd (VO)**: But it was also a strange year for pop music. In 2010, *[Clip of Flo Rida - "Club Can't Handle Me"]* the songs of the year were all painfully samey-sounding; it was a really, really bad year for Billboard. *[Clip of Lil Wayne - "How to Love"]* 2011 was a lot different. It's one of those years where I can feel things changing, although into what, I have no idea.

**Todd**: Something strange is happening. Just...just chew on this for a second—this was the year "Friday" hit.

*Clip of Rebecca Black - "Friday"*
**Rebecca Black**: Friday, Friday
**Todd (VO)**: This was the year a badly made, third-rate music video on YouTube became a more famous and popular song than most of the biggest hits of the year. Just...think about that.

**Todd**: But the strangeness isn't really a bad thing, it's a good thing. There were, of course, still plenty of awful things on the radio, but the stuff that was good was much better. And out of the three years I've looked at all the overplayed songs on the radio and picked my favorites, this year is probably the least personally humiliating. Hooray! Now I'm excited, so let's just get down to it. I'm counting down...

*Clip of DJ Earworm - "United State of Pop 2011," which serves as the interlude through the countdown*
**Todd (VO)**: ***The Top 10 Best Hit Songs of 2011!***

## #10

**Todd (VO)**: #10.

*Video for...hold on...intercut with Todd dancing in his chair*
**Usher**: If you really want more, scream it out louder
If you on the floor, bring out the fire
And light it up, take it up higher
Gonna push it to the limit, give it more.
**Todd**: Awesome!

***#10. Usher - "More (Remix)"***

**Usher**: If you really want more, scream it out louder
If you on the floor, bring out the fire
**Todd**: Ah, Usher—the women want him, and the men want him. *[correcting]* Want to be him...the men want to be him, I mean.

**Usher**: ...your hands, I'm in the zone, tight
**Todd (VO)**: Now last year, I put "DJ Got Us Falling in Love" on my Top Ten and gave it the *[brief clip from last year]* Deep Lyrical Analysis treatment, and I don't think I'll be doing that for "More."

**Todd**: "More" is just...not something you have to think about very hard, you know? I mean, you just *feel* it, man! Usher tells you what to do and you do it! He tells you to scream, you scream!

**Usher**: If you really want more, scream it out louder
**Todd**: More!

*Clip from* Oliver!
**Mr. Bumble**: More?!?!?!
**Todd**: MORE!!!!

*Clip from the "Leave Britney Alone" video*
**Chris Crocker**: More, more, more, more, more!
**Usher**: I'm a beast, I'm an animal
**Todd (VO)**: I'm not even sure I would call this dance music, man; this is *workout* music—gets the blood pumping, you know.

**Todd**: Gets the people going! *[Clip of Todd sitting at computer eating Arby's fries.]*

**Usher**: Oh-oh!
**Todd (VO)**: Now like I said, this isn't a song that exactly broached thought, but I think it's earned its spot as one of Usher's most popular dance tracks. Also thank producer *[side-by-side pictures of...]* RedOne, who's half the reason you know who Lady Gaga is at all. That man needs more work.

**Usher**: If you really want more, scream it out louder
**Todd**: *[with the horns]* Kick-ass!

**Usher**: Push it to the limit, give it more.
*Interlude*

#9
--

**Todd (VO)**: #9.

*Clip of Lil Wayne Ft Statick Major - "Lollipop"*
**Lil Wayne**: Lil' mama had a swag like mine
**Todd (VO)**: They say the boss of a company dictates its culture, and Lil Wayne proved it when he started his own label, Young Money, because *[clip of Young Money - "BedRock"]* his two most successful proteges, Drake and Nicki Minaj, are just like their mentor in that they're incredibly uneven.

**Nicki Minaj**: And I just be coming off the top, asbestos
**Drake**: Shake and bake, Ricky Bobby
**Todd (VO)**: I root for the both of them, but...I don't know. *[Clip of "Headlines"**]* Drake gets less and less interesting to me the more he brags about how great he is.

**Drake**: I ain't even gotta say it. That's just something they know
They know, they know, they know
**Todd**: But do they *care*, Drake, is the question.

*Clip of "Your Love"*
**Todd (VO)**: Nicki, meanwhile, nearly squandered two years worth of buzz as a ferocious fire-spitter with a baffling and endless string of soft, mid-tempo ballads. Okay, yeah, fine, *[clip of...]* after a good eight months of being pummeled by it, I think I finally sorta like "Super Bass"...or...

**Todd**: "Super *Bass*"?

**Nicki**: Boom, badoom, boom bass?
He got that super bass
**Todd**: I'm hearing "Super Bass." *[Picture of Superman with a bass head pasted on]* Whatever. In any case, I still don't think sugar pop is a good genre for Nicki's dead-eyed, lunatic Barbie schtick. I am frustrated with the both of them. *[intro plays in background]* But Nicki did have one song that I embraced wholeheartedly—a soft, mid-tempo ballad in which Drake brags about how great he is. *[He shrugs]*

***#9. Nicki Minaj ft. Drake - "Moment 4 Life"***

**Nicki**: I wish that I could have this moment
For life, for life, for life
**Todd**: Now this isn't Nicki's best showcase, but I do appreciate that Nicki devolves into unrelated weirdness less than she usually does...for the most part.

*In the video, Nicki's fairy godmother (also played by Nicki) points her wand at her and...yells?*
**Nicki**: You are crazy, godmother
**Todd**: What were we talking about?

**Nicki**: In this very moment I'm king
**Todd (VO)**: But while this is technically a Nicki Minaj song, I consider it more Drake's.

**Drake**: Fuck it, me and Nicki nick gettin married today
And all the bitches that be hating can catch the bouquet
**Todd (VO)**: "I wish that I could have this moment for life" is a very Drake sentiment. He always seems very aware that fame has an expiration date.

*Clips of DJ Khaled ft. Drake - "I'm on One"**...*
**Drake**: But get it while you here boy
Cause all that hype don’t feel the same next year boy
*...and "Over"*
**Drake**: I'm living life right now man
and this what I'm do 'til it's over
**Todd**: I really think Drake worries about waking up one morning working at Burger King. *[picture of Drake's head pasted on a cook] You the, you the best. You the, you the best.*

**Nicki**: This is my moment
I waited all my...
**Todd (VO)**: But of Drake and Nicki's two million combined victory lap celebrations, this is the only one that really stuck with me. When I'm feeling awesome about who I am and what I'm doing, *[another clip with fries]* "Moment 4 Life" is what I feel like listening to. I would have to stretch to say that this is either's best work, but it hits me surprisingly hard nonetheless.

**Todd**: It's a good song.

**Nicki**: I could have this moment
Alive, alive, alive
*Interlude*

#8
--

**Todd (VO)**: #8.

*Footage from 51st Grammy Awards - Feb. 8, 2009*
**Kanye West**: Thank you. And now the award for Best New Artist.
**Todd (watching on TV)**: Pffff, "Best New Artist." These are always lame. They always go to some flash-in-the-pan who's already peaked and who we'll never be hearing from again.
**Kanye**: And the Grammy goes to...Adele.
**Todd**: Oh, come on! Seriously?! Another overrated retro-soul jazz singer? I thought we learned our lesson from Norah Jones. We already have an Amy Winehouse, and she's way more interesting than whoever this is. I guarantee we are never hearing from this person ever again.
*Back at piano, Todd is playing the melody of...*

**Todd**: Yeah, see, this is why my friends call me Nostradamus.

***#8. Adele - "Someone Like You"***

**Adele**: Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you
**Todd (VO)**: So this artist I dismissed as an overrated, critic-pandering wannabe two years ago is now the biggest pop star in the world. Eh, works for me. I said in my Top Ten Worst video that "white chick with piano" songs usually suck, but "Someone Like You" gets everything right in the way that *[clip of Christina Perri's...]* "Jar of Hearts" got it all utterly wrong.

**Todd**: The song's minimal accompaniment wasn't chosen here to try and lend depth to crappy lyrics; it's like this because it's the right choice, because Adele had the pipes and the writing to actually back it up.

**Adele**: That you found a girl and you're married now
**Todd (VO)**: "Someone Like You" comes at the end of a very angry album, and Adele said she wrote it because after destroying this ex-boyfriend she had in song after song on that album, she had to do something more sympathetic to the guy.

**Todd**: And indeed, it's not the guy that comes off badly here.

**Adele**: Old friend, why are you so shy?
**Todd**: Gee, why would a married man getting a visit from an ex-girlfriend who has "not over it" written all over her face feel awkward and uncomfortable? Let's...let's think hard about this. Maybe he's coming down with the flu.

**Adele**: I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
**Todd (VO)**: But that's not a flaw, that's a feature. *[Clips of Alanis Morrissette's...]* "You Oughta Know" and *[...and "Irreplaceable" by...]* a lot of Beyonce's songs don't really work for me because they're very simple revenge fantasies.

**Beyonce**: Everything you own in the box to the left
**Todd (VO)**: Yep, told that dick!

**Beyonce**: Replacing you is so easy
**Todd (VO)**: It is easy. It's all very easy.

**Todd**: "Someone Like You" isn't easy, it's complex...you plebeians.

**Todd (VO)**: Now I really love the way this song shifts between passive-aggressive and regular-aggressive and genuine regret.

**Adele**: Never mind, I'll find someone like you
**Todd**: Now I don't mind that pop music is often shallow, and I don't necessarily buy that a soft piano ballad is necessarily any deeper, but "Someone Like You"...take my word for it, guys. This is the real deal.

**Adele**: Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead
*Interlude*

#7
--

**Todd (VO)**: #7.

*Video for...*
**Todd**: Finally, a song that speaks to me and my kind—the homicidally unfashionable. *[whistles to...]*

***#7. Foster the People - "Pumped Up Kicks"***

**Foster the People**: All the other kids with the pumped up kicks you'd better run, better run, outrun my gun.
**Todd**: In a year full of strange hit songs, this was the strangest. Not within the context of indie rock, of course. There's plenty of songs like this drifting around the indie scene, but...

*Clips of Peter Bjorn and John - "Young Folks"...*

**Todd (VO)**: ...I didn't see Peter Bjorn and John, *["Time to Pretend" by...]* or MGMT, or *["The Reeling" by...]* Passion Pit, or *["1901" by...]* Phoenix sharing airtime with Rihanna. And I couldn't honestly say that Foster the People are better than any of those bands, but I can't really dismiss them either. *[Clip of "Animal"]* Unlike Neon Trees, the previous year's winner of the fluke indie hit sweepstakes, *[clip of "Helena Beat"]* Foster the People actually proved with subsequent singles that they were the genuine article.

**Mark Foster**: Robert's got a quick hand
**Todd**: I'm a little lost trying to figure out what the success of Foster the People means. So what are they, a new...

*Clips of "American Idiot" by...*
**Todd (VO)**: Green Day, a band who built upon the work of others to become the most popular and enduring band of their genre? *["Mr. Brightside" by...]* Just another The Killers, a one-album wonder who are gonna drain their momentum in upcoming years? *["Smells Like Teen Spirit" by...]* The new Nirvana, bringing the rock revolution to the masses?!

**Todd**: Yeah, probably not that last one, although "Pumped Up Kicks" does seem to match the sentiment of "load up on guns and bring your friends" pretty well.

**Todd (VO)**: Yeah, this song was controversial because it is kind of possibly maybe about kids killing other kids?

**Mark**: All the other kids with the pumped up kicks you'd better run, better run, faster than my bullet.
**Todd**: But it's so weirdly cheery and fun, I don't see any angry bullied trench coat kids coming to this for solace. And besides...

**Todd (VO)**: ...my interpretation of the song is that it's not really about a school shooting; it's about some dumbass kid walking around with his dad's gun because he thinks it looks cool.

**Todd**: It's...it's not gonna end well. *[Band whistles]* So...desperately needed crossover hit, or watered-down sellout of actual indie rock? Don't care, I love it. I'm looking forward to more from you, Foster the People. Don't screw it up.

**Mark**: ...faster than my bullet
*Interlude*

#6
--

**Todd (VO)**: #6.

*Clip of Modest Mouse - "Float On"*
**Todd (VO)**: "Float On" by Modest Mouse pretty much ruled my life for a number of years. See, here's me *[clip of...]* singing it at MAGfest a couple of years ago.

**Todd (playing Rock Band)**: I backed my car into a cop car the other day

**Todd (VO)**: Hell, yeah.

**Todd**: Did you know that there's a pop song out there that samples this song? *[pause]* Well, you do now.

***#6. Lupe Fiasco - "The Show Goes On"***

**Lupe Fiasco**: Alright, already the show goes on
All night, til the morning we dream so long
**Todd**: If just any schmo off the street sampled one of my favorite songs, I would've thrown a fit. But thank God it was actually one of the more impressive and intelligent rappers out there.

**Lupe**: One in the air for the people that ain’t here
Two in the air for the father that’s there
**Todd (VO)**: For me, this was a win-win, two great tastes that taste great together. I mean, I love "Float On" and I love Lupe Fiasco.

**Todd**: Which is different from the *Lupa* fiasco, which I...I really don't like talking about.

*Cut to Todd at computer*
**Todd**: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...
**Obscurus Lupa**: Why?! What am I gonna do with all these geese?
**Todd**: Did...did you at least like the thing I did on the ceiling?
**Obscurus Lupa**: No!
**Lupe**: Yeah yeah, the World is yours, I was once that little boy
**Todd (VO)**: Now, I love this. Modest Mouse is great, but Lupe takes the demented optimism of the original and plays it straight. Now some might call it corny, but you know what? I've never felt more like drinking my milk and staying in school.

**Todd**: And I hated school. Pretty kids with the pumped up kicks.

**Todd (VO)**: Now if you don't like it, rest assured that you're not alone. Some have hit Lupe Fiasco's biggest hit as a soulless, vapid, mainstream sellout, generic faux-inspirational piece of crap, and none were more vocal of their criticism of Lupe Fiasco than the acclaimed underground rapper, *[picture of...]* Lupe Fiasco.

**Todd**: Lupe said the record label made him do it and that he hated it. Well, you know what? Kurt Cobain didn't like "Smells Like Teen Spirit" either, so shut up, Lupe Fiasco! You don't know shit! You're brilliant!

**Lupe**: So no matter what you been through
**Todd (VO)**: And if that last album and this song in particular are the result of a very compromised vision, Lupe did at least get something out of it. Very rarely does an artist get to bash their record label and make everyone hear it.

**Lupe**: They treat you like a slave, with chains all on your soul
And put whips up on your back
They be lying through they teeth
**Todd**: No, this isn't as sharp as "Kick, Push" or "Hip Hop Saved My Life" or anything, but Lupe not trying is still better than most rappers at their most creative. So you know what? Buck up, Lupe. Show goes on.

**Lupe**: Just remember when you come up
The show goes on!
*Interlude*

#5
--

**Todd (VO)**: #5.

*Video for...*
**Katy Perry**: There's a stranger in my bed,
There's a pounding my head
Glitter all over the room
Pink flamingos in the pool
**Todd**: *[puts his head down on the piano, because he's beat]* I give up. I love you, Katy Perry.

***#5. Katy Perry - "T.G.I.F. (Last Friday Night)"***

**Katy**: Last Friday night
Yeah we danced on tabletops
And we took too many shots
Think we kissed but I forgot
**Todd**: I love everything about you.

**Todd (VO)**: I love your triumphant success in the face of negative amounts of talent; I love your complete refusal to have any sort of depth or thought in your music; I love the way you gargle vowels in some vain attempt to hit notes that Auto-Tune is just gonna clean up later anyway.

**Todd**: You win, Katy Perry. Marry me.

**Katy**: Trying to connect the dots
**Todd (VO)**: God, Katy Perry. I don't what to do about Katy Perry. *[Clip from "Born This Way"*<*]* If Gaga takes her inspiration from Madonna at her smartest, *[clip of Madonna performing "Hanky Panky"]* Katy Perry's inspired by Madonna at her dumbest.

**Madonna**: You can just...spank me
**Todd (VO)**: She's transparently phony and she has no interest in being clever about it either. And yet it keeps working over and over again.

**Todd**: Someday I'm gonna have to really honestly deal with why I keep liking Katy Perry's songs, but I'm not ready yet. Don't think I'll like what I find out about myself.

**Todd (VO)**: But yeah, I do like this a lot. The lyrics are not great, admittedly.

**Katy**: Think I need a ginger ale
That was such an epic fail
**Todd**: Indeed.

**Todd (VO)**: But I like this more than I like most party songs anyway because Katy Perry did not just have a party last Friday night. She had *every* party.

**Katy**: Yeah we danced on tabletops
We went streaking in the park
And we took too many shots
And got kicked out of the bar
Think we kissed but I forgot
**Todd (VO)**: She got wasted, she danced on the tables, public nudity.

**Todd**: *[horns]* No regrets, baby! Besides, it's just good clean fun.

**Katy**: Skinny dipping in the dark
Then had a menage a trois
**Todd**: Yeah-ha-ha...wait, what?

**Todd (VO)**: The video deserves mention too. It's a pretty decent recreation of an 80s comedy, and it's pretty accurate in that it's partially unwatchable.

**Katy**: Friday!
**Todd**: Katy Perry, you don't understand anything about being a nerd.

**Todd (VO)**: I love just about everything about this video except for Katy Perry herself, who does her best to make this as painful as possible. Still, I love that she filled this video with flashes-in-the-pan, both current and former, especially the grand display of benevolence by casting Rebecca Black as the makeover fairy. And let us not forget...

**Todd**: ...the most puzzling and awesome sax solo to hit pop music in years!

*Sax solo in video by...*
**Todd (VO)**: From Kenny G, of all people. A lifetime of suck nearly redeemed!

**Katy**: Always say we're gonna stop
**Todd**: \*sigh\* We live in a Katy Perry world, people. Just deal with it.

**Katy**: All again
*Interlude*

#4
--

**Todd (VO)**: #4.

*Clip of Lady Gaga - "You and I"*
**Lady Gaga**: Something, something about my cool Nebraska guy
**Todd**: On the pop stations around here, that line is "cool Virginia guy."

**Todd (VO)**: And in my travels around the country, I've found that *[single cover]* "You and I," Lady Gaga's stab at Shania Twain country burlesque, changes the line depending on which state I'm in.

**Lady Gaga**: It's my daddy and Nebraska and Jesus Christ
**Todd**: Cause why not? At the end of the day, does this song really have anything to do with Nebraska? Or anything?

**Todd (VO)**: Maybe this song started somewhere real, but I feel absolutely no connection to it whatsoever 'cause it's buried under so much winking and artifice.

**Todd**: I think what it is for me is that more than two years after the fact, I still can't read Gaga's po-po-poker face.

*Clip of "Bad Romance"*
**Todd (VO)**: And that's still what bugs me most about Lady Gaga, even after all the glamor and controversy and all the attempts to make pop music so much more interesting. If there was ever a core to this, it was lost behind the "Gaga ooh-la-la" and all that. *["You and I"]* Being confusing is just not very surprising to me anymore and I'm sick of the masks.

**Todd**: Quite possibly the only thing Lady Gaga could do to surprise me at this point is to present a song and sing it like she actually meant it.

*The video begins for...*
ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!

***#4. Lady Gaga - "The Edge of Glory"***

**Lady Gaga**: I'm on the edge of glory, and I'm hanging on a moment of truth
Out on the edge
**Todd (VO)**: If I got anything out of the *[album cover of...]* flawed-but-kinda-brilliant *Born This Way* album, it's that Lady Gaga genuinely loves pop music and loves making it. "Edge of Glory" is how the album ends, and after fifteen songs of sex and iciness and genre-hopping, this song feels like a solid gut-check of straightforward, no bullshit, good goddamn music.

**Lady Gaga**: hanging on a moment with you
I'm on the edge with you.
**Todd**: I love the way she goes, "yuh-hoo!"

**Lady Gaga**: I got a reason that you *[yuh-hoo]* should take me home tonight
**Todd (VO)**: And I love the organ breakdown after the second verse. *[breakdown]* And then there's Lady Gaga's singing, the best she's ever been as a singer.

**Lady Gaga**: ...we call life tonight
Alright! Alright!
**Todd (VO)**: And of course, let us not forget...

**Todd**: ...the most unexpected and awesome sax solo to hit music in years! Wait.

*Brief clips of videos for "In the Dark" by Dev and "Mr. Saxobeat" by Alexandra Stan*
**Todd (VO)**: Yes, 'twas quite a comeback year for the saxophone, but, *["The Edge of Glory"]* but none were better than this one, here provided by legendary Springsteen sideman Clarence Clemons, who died earlier this year.

**Lady Gaga**: I'm on the edge with you
**Todd (VO)**: And while it was a pleasant surprise to see Kenny G not suck for once, the big man blew him out of the water. The first time I heard this song was in the middle of the sax solo and I was already immediately in love with it.

*Solo plays as Gaga dances*
**Todd**: Now I'm personally of the opinion that Gaga's music is often better the less bizarre the video, and "The Edge of Glory" is probably Lady Gaga's least memorable video from this album, but...

**Todd (VO)**: ...personally I love this video and its nostalgia for the early 80s sexy, ridiculous, badly made, trying too hard, dawn of MTV music videos. Gaga knows her shit.

**Lady Gaga**: I'm on the edge of glory
**Todd (VO)**: "Moment 4 Life" may be the song I wanna listen to when I'm happy to be alive, but this song *makes* me happy to be alive.

**Lady Gaga**: I'm on the edge with you
With you, with you, with you, with you, with you
**Todd**: Gaga, drop the nonsense words and the gratuitous foreign languages, just sing your music. That's all I need.

*Interlude*

#3
--

**Todd (VO)**: #3.

*Clip of the video, cut by Todd watching the 2009 Grammys*
**Todd**: NEVER GONNA HEAR FROM THIS PERSON AGAIN! YOU HEAR ME?! SHE'S A NOBODY! A NOBODY!!!!
***#3. Adele - "Rolling in the Deep"***

**Adele (chorus backing)**: We could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
**Todd**: Shit, actually maybe *this* was the strangest hit of the year. It's definitely the biggest. So let's talk about this song which completely ruled the entire year and which is almost certainly gonna win Adele another shitload of Grammys in a month or so.

**Adele**: Baby, I have no story to be told
**Todd (VO)**: The fact is that though I initially tagged Adele as a throwback performer making retreads of better artists, I...I don't think I've *ever* heard a song like this.

**Todd**: I can literally think of nothing this reminds me of. It is an entity unto itself, and it deservedly made Adele into the biggest pop star in the world.

**Todd (VO)**: This was the summer jam of the year, not this *[clips of "Give Me Everything"**...]*, not this *[..."Party Rock Anthem,"* *and then back to "Rolling in the Deep"]*, this! Somehow with this one song, she managed to hit the sweet spot, that she took over the *[pictures of...]* Lady Gaga crowd, the Florence + the Machine crowd and the Susan Boyle crowd simultaneously,...

**Todd**: ...despite the fact that no one appears to know what "rolling in the deep" actually means.

**Adele**: The scars of your love
**Todd (VO)**: "Rolling in the Deep" was a game-changer, and you could see reflections of it all over the charts—all "Grenade"s and "Firework"s and bullets and world's end and hopeless places. We apparently didn't wanna dance in 2011. What we wanted was revenge.

**Todd**: The biggest song of the year isn't fun, it's a song to load ammo to. It's the kind of breakup song that precedes a serious ass-kicking.

**Adele**: You had my heart inside your hand
**Todd (VO)**: And you know what? I'm glad there's a place in the world for this, and not just 'cause it's so good, because it's so righteously pissed.

**Todd**: Yeah, yeah, I thought it was overplayed too, but it deserved it. Adele lifted the standards this year and everyone else is still struggling to catch up.

**Adele**: But you played it
You played it
You played it
You played it to the beat.
*Interlude*

#2
--

**Todd (VO)**: #2.

**Todd**: This next video *causes seizures*. I'm not kidding, it has a seizure warning right on its YouTube page. I heard they cut out the part that causes seizures, but that warning, still right there at the beginning of the video, so if you are prone to epileptic episodes, look away from this video. Don't look again 'til we move on to the next part of the list. I'm not joking. Shut your eyes for this part, skip to the next one. I'm sorry, but the video's about to start. Do it *[in big red letters] NOW.*

And yes, that sucks. I'm sorry. But can I ask a question here? Who the...who releases a video that causes seizures?! How does that happen? What kind of asshole does something like that?

*To answer that question, a clip from 2009 MTV VMAs, with Taylor Swift being interrupted by...*
**Kanye West**: I'm really happy for you, Imma let you finish, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time!
**Todd**: Of course.

***#2. Kanye West ft. Rihanna - "All of the Lights"***

**Kanye West and Tony Williams**: All of the lights
All of the lights
*[Todd raises his arms slowly]*
All of the lights
**Kanye**: All of the lights
Cop lights, flashlights, spotlights
**Todd**: Kanye West spent so much time talking himself up in increasingly ridiculous ways and making an ass of himself that most people treat him like some ego-inflated superstar rapper like Lil Wayne or somebody,...

**Todd (VO)**: ...but I always thought of him more as some kind of pretentiously genius capital-A Artiste. The man is talented. He's a talented composer and a musician, he's probably genuinely insane.

**Kanye**: Something wrong
I hold my head
MJ gone, our [bleep] dead!
**Todd (VO)**: Kanye worships Michael Jackson, but he's actually a lot closer to Prince, both in his melding of various genres of music and the fact that he's probably had something very important knocked loose in his brain.

**Rihanna**: Turn up the lights in here, baby
**Todd (VO)**: "All of the Lights" is one of Kanye's few songs that appears to be about someone other than himself, but I suspect Kanye feels more of a connection than you'd expect to the world of a spouse-abusing con who lost his visitation rights and subsequently his grip on sanity.

**Kanye**: She need a daddy
Baby please, can’t let her grow up in that ghetto university
**Todd**: But the intensity of Kanye's performance is matched with what is probably his best-ever work as a producer.

**Todd (VO)**: The guest spot credited to Rihanna alone is actually a bunch of different voices blended together including John Legend, Alicia Keys, Fergie, Elton John, La Roux, Thomas Jefferson, Poseidon, Superman, GLaDOS, who knows who else?

**Todd**: I applaud you, Kanye. You deserve all the kudos you've gotten. Just don't let it go to your head.

*Interlude*

#1
--

**Todd (VO)**: #1.

**Todd**: It's rare to see consensus get built about a pop song. Music is one of those things that everyone has a different taste in. Very, very rarely is a song so good that everyone has to agree on it. But when I heard my #1 song, I spread it to everyone I knew and everyone loved it, and I've never seen that happen. And I told myself if there was any justice in this world, it would be a song that would spread everywhere and that everyone would love it, and...it did. The music snobs, the soccer moms, the teenagers, the sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waste-oids, dweebies, dickheads, everyone. And by the end of 2011, it was widely recognized as one of the greatest songs ever written. And if you were paying attention to music at all this year, you already know what it is. And so it is with great pride that I say these words to you.

*Footage of Todd at a bar, sitting at a keyboard*
**Girl #1**: Todd, "Fuck You."
**Girl #2**: "Fuck You."
**Todd**: Fuck *you!*
**Girl #2**: Fuck *you!*
**Todd**: Fuck *you!*
**Girl #2**: Fuck *you!*
*[He plays the song and draws cheers from everyone in the bar]*
***#1. Cee Lo Green - "Fuck You!"***

**Cee Lo Green**: I see you driving 'round town with the girl I love
And I'm like, "Fuck you!"
*[Cut to the bar crowd singing along]*
**Crowd**: Oooooh-ooh-ooh
**Cee Lo**: I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough
I'm like, "Fuck you! And fuck her too."
**Todd**: Oh, I wanted this to top last year's list, but...God, it just couldn't build up the momentum for mainstream acceptance. It was...it was built around the single bluntest profanity in pop history. No way could something like this catch on, no matter how good it was.

**Cee Lo**: Ain't that some shit
**Todd (VO)**: But I just kept watching, and slowly, surely, it got there, capturing the hearts and minds of a grateful world.

**Todd**: Sometimes quality wins out.

*Clip from* Glee
**Holly Holiday (Gwyneth Paltrow)**: And I'm like, "forget you!"
**Todd (VO)**: And part of the reason Cee Lo finally made it over the top is because *Glee* smartly put it in one of their medleys, but any gratitude I had to *Glee* for helping this truly deserving song capture the hearts and minds of millions was *immediately* erased when their version started to replace the original in the minds of the softer-headed in this country. *[Cee Lo's performance at the Grammys]* Cee Lo gets onstage at the Grammys dressed like Elton John with the Muppets and it's awesome, and then Gwyneth Paltrow comes in to ruin everything. God!

**Todd**: And by the way, the name of the song is "Fuck You!"; not "Forget You!", "Fuck You!"

**Todd (VO)**: I seriously considered putting the censored version on the Worst list. Censoring it ruins the whole point. And besides, who could really be offended by this? This is a song for the entire world. Your kids can sing it. *[Clip from* The Muppets *with chickens clucking the song]* Marionette chickens can sing it.

**Todd**: It's the F-bomb for the whole family.

**Cee Lo**: I see you driving 'round town with the girl I love
And I'm like, "Fuck you!"
**Todd**: If there's a single person in the universe who doesn't like this song, I haven't met them and I don't care to. But if you're out there, whoever you are, wherever you are... I disagree with your opinions. And fuck you.

**Cee Lo**: I still wish you the best
With a... FUCK YOU!
Oooooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.
*Closing tag song: OneRepublic - "Good Life"*

***THE END
This video is owned by me
The Lupa Fiasco also involved a freshly-made haggis***

## Footnotes

1. ↑ #11 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
2. ↑ #4 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
3. ↑ #23 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
4. ↑ #61 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
5. ↑ #85 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
6. ↑ #8 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
7. ↑ #50 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
8. ↑ #47 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
9. ↑ #24 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
10. ↑ #55 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
11. ↑ #13 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
12. ↑ #28 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
13. ↑ #14 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
14. ↑ #18 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
15. ↑ #71 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
16. ↑ #29 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
17. ↑ #1 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
18. ↑ #5 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
19. ↑ #2 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
20. ↑ #6 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
21. ↑ #3 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
22. ↑ #59 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
23. ↑ #7 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100
24. ↑ #25 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100