Let's Play TAKENOKO

**Let's Play TAKENOKO** is a video in the Board Game Club series.

"*Why this four? Every time this four get together it's fucking nonsense.*"
―Adam
## Notable moments

* The first rule of Board Game Club is "if you only do what you can do, you will never be more than you are".
* Who will be *stuck making noodles* and who will *become the dragon warrior*?
* We're starting loud and giggly. Hoorah.
* Little noms for the hungry panda. This episode needs a warning for extreme cuteness.
* All hail the Tower of Destiny! We have a mouth trumpet salute from Sullivan, which ends ... angry, for some reason.
* Not quite a Fuck you Holly Musgrave - but we do have a squashing of the beef. For ever, I'm sure. Although... Holly's panda only eats beef. I'm sure it will be fine.
* Stealth Simpsons - Adam: "No pandaS. We're allowed to have one."
* Adam: "I could only have hurt myself - and I *love* me."
* Holly's first turn - she's choosing vengeance. She's screwing over Adam by choice, without even checking her objectives. I think Holly may have her own agenda. Adam reverses the beef-squashing.
* Adam: "...I expected perhaps when we all came to this beautiful zen garden, I thought Holly might be able to stow her bullshit for *one* *turn*."
* Saucy Laurie is uncomfortably sexual. For a bearded ginger Englishman, he does a reasonable Marilyn Monroe throaty whisper.
* Holly: "It sounds like I didn't actually fuck over my *whole* go, by fucking you over? I actually had a really good go. "
* And then Sullivan has to do the same thing. Laurie's delighted. The panda is very hungry and Sullivan doesn't want him to go hungry. Adam calls him 'loathsome'.
* Adam: "Don't listen to the panda, Sullivan!" But the panda is so convincing. Also sounds a little like Laurie. Adam's threatening long-term consequences but Holly suggests a possible solution - we could replace Adam with the panda anyway.
* Sullivan: "He convinced me!" Adam: "He convinced you? Who is *he* in this situation?"
* Holly seems to be trying to build Adam's character for him - this is how Atlantis started and Adam ended up winning that one. Triumph over adversity and all that.
* Well this is familiar territory - Laurie is forging ahead while everyone else squabbles and fucks each other over. Sullivan does point out that it was the panda who influenced him, Laurie had nothing to do with it.
* Adam: "One of me or Holly causes a rumpus, Sully starts flailing around like a chicken with its head cut off and Laurie calmly hoovers up points like a fucking ginger roomba."
* Teri spot! Hi Teri! Teri finds poo jokes hilarious. And our casts' impressions of Teri are always disproportionately amusing.
* Holly: "I can cash it in! I think I can. No I can't, I've made a mistake."
* Singalonga NRB: 'Little board games' 'Let's find out together' 'Postman panda' 'The old bamboo' 'I'm going to move a little panda bear'
* Sullivan with the casual dice roll, very cool.
* And we skirted riiiiiiiiiiiight up to a line, but luckily pulled back.
* Everyone but Sullivan has met objectives now.
* What noise does a panda make? It's unlikely to be 'oink'.
* The panda needs to eat constantly or he'll die. He's spectacularly ill-suited to survival and he won't even make baby pandas. Holly's covering his ears, although he probably needs to hear the hard truths. He may be an incel panda, or actually volcel. He just doesn't want to do it. Sullivan thinks that's fine.
* Adam: "You don't know any fucking pandas - name any panda you know." It's true - Holly only knows his job, not his name. Laurie, on the other hand, has a full and detailed knowledge of Kung Fu Panda and he's very cross about it.
* Laurie: "*HOW DARE YOU BREAK DOWN PO JUST TO HIS JOB. HE LIKES BEING CALLED THE DRAGON WARRIOR. HE DIDN'T FUCKING FIGHT HIS WAY THROUGH THE FURIOUS FIVE TO BE CALLED KUNG FU PANDA, DID HE? HE'S THE FUCKING DRAGON WARRIOR! HE'S GOT A SPECIAL SCROLL THAT HE GOT FROM MASTER SHIFU!*"
* Postman Panda and his black and white him. Coming to a tv near you, soon. Along with 'The Panda Always Rings Twice'. This panda, above all others, actually seems to be horny.
* Holly's lamenting the loss of her childhood. We think our US audience will be lost at this point.
* OH GOD NO. Sullivan's talking about sex with pandas. This whole animal thing may be getting out of hand.
* Laurie: "The old bamboo, the old bamboo - you never fuck a panda with the old bamboo."
* Luckily the last 10 minutes has passed for us all in a fugue state and we shall never speak of it again.
* Sullivan gets an objective! We're all rooting for him.
* The cards love Adam today, which is very very unusual. There may have been some deal with the dark forces.
* Let's all perfect our random French phrases.
* Who would win in a fight between a trained martial artist and a postman? That's a toughie. Although maybe the postman will be armed? Or be a grenade?
* Holly struggles to distinguish between real support and sarcasm.
* Sullivan gets another objective! And another objective! And another objective! "Not losing is like winning, but it's not".
* Getting tense now - we're in the end game.
* The gardener is now the farmer.
* Teri is not going to laugh at 'bampoo'.
* Sullivan's in the game. The panda's awake and ready to... fuck?
* Adam can't bend the rules even to help Holly. She can't win, but she's aiming for less losing.
* Holly to Adam: "I need to stop fucking you over at the beginning of games, because the karma hits me so hard and then helps you!"
* Adam: "Why is it whenever there's a chalkboard not around...?"

## Scores

* Holly 22
* Sullivan 26
* Laurie 32
* Adam 40

## Talking Heads

Talking heads are provided this episode. Timestamps were put together by Peter on the Patreon Discord.

* 0:11:22 - Adam thought better of Holly
* 0:14:56 - The Panda (voiced by Laurie)
* 0:17:55 - Adam summarises BGC
* 0:35:15 - Sullivan explains celibacy
* 0:38:16 - Laurie - this panda is horny
* 0:38:34 - Sullivan - pandas are sexy
* 0:44:35 - Adam's trading on luck
* 0:52:43 - Sullivan, the comeback kid
* 0:56:11 - Holly is not so fond of the panda
* 1:01:46 - Holly is hoping for victory
* 1:04:56 - Adam - a victory is a victory

## Trivia

* Game introduction and rules are presented by Adam.
* An extended version of this episode is available on the No Rolls Barred Patreon.