Episode 9- This Ain't Your Grandpa's Sexy Baseball

## Summary

In the aftermath of some serious stuff, the Club deals with a lot of conflicting emotions that have NOTHING TO DO WITH HORMONES. Shamanda and Krashlee work together to cool off some overheated teens at the makeout party, CEJ and Adam have a major falling out, and Susan Wexler has a long sleeper-hold induced nap. When it's finally time to bail out, local kid Paul tries to insert himself into the Club's monster hunting--but is interrupted when someone krashes the Sherwin Williams van!

## Previously On...

Hey everyone, Adam Miller here. What a week it's been.

So as you remember, I'm bleeding out in the middle of the forest, stabbed by my dad. We've all been there. Well, things were going bad for everyone too. CEJ was thrown in the back of Leonard's car in the trunk by my dad, Chet. And of course, Krashlee is looking around for him, trying to help him, but starts a big old ruckus in the parking lot. Everyone's freaking out. And then somehow Krashlee started acting weird like one of her past lives, someone named Goodie Stevens. I stumbled upon her and thought she was doing a cool trick, to trick everyone to think that they need to get out of there ASAP. So I started doing it too. And of course the Rangers show up.

Down by the lake, Miss Wexler is dealing with my dad, saving him from the lake. Someone told him to walk in. I don't want to point fingers or anything, but it may have been me. Shamanda was there doing her thing, controlling the crowd, telling people to sit down and shut up. But sometimes she uses powers that she's not completely in control of and made Miss Wexler sit down and shut up. And I make my way down to the lake to confront my dad and tell him, Hey, you've been a bad dad and you've got to step up. Well, his response was to, of course, call me a demon. Say you had to be taken out.

And Miss Wexler, she was sort of possessed by the Gooch's power of lust. And she told Shamanda to knock her out for everyone's good. Shamanda did because Shamanda is awesome like that. But then my dad ran at me with a knife. I thought I was a goner. Probably would have been too if it weren't for my cousin, CEJ. He saved me...and killed my dad in the process. My dad looked at me as he was bleeding out and said, "You're a disappointment".

So yeah, I guess I could go home and take a break for a little bit.

## Plot

### THE LAKE

CEJ taps at Chet's lifeless cheeks, hoping against hope that Chet is still alive. The guilt sets in and is crushing. Shamanda tries to get the Club away from the scene of the crime, but Krashlee points out that they need to hide the body and deal with the teenagers who were still catching fire. CEJ is in denial that Chet is dead, and Krashlee helps him turn Chet onto his side, so he won't 'choke on his own vomit'. Shamanda tries to use her charlatan ability to fool the other teenagers into believing that the fires and corpse were all planned spectacle for the evening. It seems to work, although Paul remains suspicious. Jordan coaxes Wyatt away, relieved that he seems to be coming to his senses, and Paul tells Shamanda that they will be in touch.

Krashlee heads toward the parking lot and trying to cool off the teenagers with a history lesson in baseball.

> "Remember when, in 1982 or '84, when the Mets won the World Series and everyone was very surprised? Remember? Isn't that so unhot?" Krashlee says, babbling.
> A voice calls back "That was 1986."
>
>

Krashlee is furious that she is getting questioned, and starts to engage verbally with the other teenagers, making some innuendos and more teens burst into flames.

> "I don't know what it is about my upbringing, but when girls yell at me, it just turns me on!"
>
>

Fighting back tears, Krashlee knocks over the two flaming teenage boys and rolls them on the ground, temporarily putting out the fires. Burns cover their bodies, but they are alive.

All around the parking lot and camp, teenagers are making out and sweat covers them. Shamanda sees a garden hose, grabs it, and heads to the top of the mess hall to spray the lot of them. About halfway up her climb, a board snaps, scrapes her leg, and Shamanda is holding on. Shamanda shouts, "Stuck the landing! Turn on the water!".

Krashlee turns the water on and Shamanda starts spraying every teen in sight. As the water hits them, their fevers break. However, the kids that are out of range get even more excited by the spectacle and start getting even more intense.

Adam is standing in the parking lot, remembering the last thing Chet said to him. He looks around, and sees Shamanda dangling from the roof of the mess hall. He dashes to her, and tries to help her down. He takes her into his arms. Shamanda is so beautiful and Adam can't focus on anything else. He feverishly stares at her and realizes that she will never want him the way he wants her. Feeling intensely insecure, his little moth arms start to protrude from his chest. Shamanda notices, but Adam covers by saying it's just his long nipples. He starts to nibble on the collar of his shirt out of embarrassment.

Shamanda is scared of how strong her emotions are regarding Adam, she feels a fiery passion between girl and bug boy. She starts to climb away from him, and Adam thinks she is disgusted with him. Shamanda gets onto the roof, and Adam slinks away into the woods. CEJ walks toward him. They exchange a few words of self-pity, but then CEJ starts to pin all of his negative emotions and experiences onto Adam. He blames him for everything and Adam, completely destroyed, turns into a giant caterpillar and scrambles away. CEJ stumbles to the ground, all the strength leaving him, and he sits next to Miss Wexler and Chet, staring off into space.

From her higher vantage point, Shamanda is able to target more of the teens with her hose, breaking their fevers. The teenagers start shuffling into their cars and leaving. Ranger Ilong comments that this camp seems cursed, and probably won't end up re-opening. He then notices the blacked out Susan, runs to her, and tries to shake her awake.

Susan is rudely awakened from a nice dream about Chet, but, when she and Ranger Ilong lock eyes, they devolve into flirty teenagers. Byron lays on the ground next to her, and talks sweetly to her.

Krashlee tells Shamanda to turn around and direct the water to Susan and the Ranger, briefly soaking them. Susan breaks free from the fever and comes back to herself. She sends the Ranger to his car to get her some pain relievers. She takes a moment to look at the dead body of Chet, and CEJ curled up on the ground. Krashlee gives her a quick summary of what happened while she was passed out, and Susan quickly turns to CEJ and talks calmly to him.

> "Hey, CEJ. Eyes. Eyes. Look at me, CEJ. Hey, I killed Chet. Big mistake. My bad. I killed Chet."
>
>

CEJ is still reeling from the stabbing, finding out Susan may know what happened to his parents, and all the other awful things that monster hunting had brought into his life. He lets Susan's words wash over him, then take hold. She obviously was the one who killed Chet. It felt like the kind of thing a monster like Susan would do. The tension in his shoulders evaporate, and something dark settles behind his eyes.

Susan wraps Chet in an enchanted tarp, keeping unwanted eyes from discovering him. All the events from the day start catching up to Susan, and she feels broken and barely holding it together. Teens are still getting to their cars to leave, and the Club starts to leave, but realize that Adam isn't with them. Susan texts Adam, but, as Adam doesn't have a phone, it goes to a different Adam she knows. She has been texting this other Adam repeatedly with information she wanted to send to Adam Miller over the past several months. The other Adam has never responded.

Shamanda reaches out to Adam telepathically, telling him to get back to the group.

### THE WOODS

Adam is reaching out to his secret master, for guidance. The urgency of the response hits Adam hard, feeling like his mind is being pummeled. The voice in his mind is screaming CEJ's name over and over, with terror and alarm. Another impulse in his mind breaks through, fighting that first message. It tells him to be alone, but then the feeling of fear *about*, or *for*, or *of* CEJ comes back strongly.

Letting out an inhuman scream, Adam flails under the assault of -CEJ, HARM, DANGER, CEJ- psychically screaming in his ears. Suddenly the sound cuts out. Shamanda's voice breaks through.

-Adam, bring yourself to the car. We're not mad at you.-

Reaching out with his mental dominion, Adam probes at Shamanda's mind, searching for an opening to communicate. Shamanda bears her mind to him. Where her telepathy is subtle, his dominion is aggressive and brutal. He forces his way in through her lowered defenses and for a moment they exist together in Shamanda's consciousness. Adam is able to ask anything of her, because she can't hide from him in her own mind.

She reassures him that CEJ is alright, and admits that she has a deal with the Devil to take his soul. He tells her that she actually didn't feel his nipples earlier, they were caterpillar arms. When asked whether Shamanda would follow through with taking his soul, she tells him that she wouldn't do it without his consent and he believes her.

As they talk, Shamanda's memories open up to Adam unbidden. He sees her time with the Devil, and how she had sold the soul of Marfa, the farmer's market bandit when she lived in Tacoma. Adam breaks the link.

Moments later, Adam gets back to the group, still in his caterpillar form. They welcome him back and get him into the van. As Susan gets to the door of the other car, Paul DeBello comes into view. He explains that they are dealing with a Gunch, a completely different entity than the Goonch. He wants to offer his services as a nascent monster hunter. Susan gets his number and tells him that they will talk soon.

Krashlee tells Paul that Miss Wexler killed Chet, not CEJ, and he tells her that he wants to be brought in on this. Recognizing his word choices, Krashlee realizes that Paul DeBello is a fellow member of her crytid message boards. Screen Name: Bigfoot6969.

They both get excited and connect over their shared interest. Susan gives Paul her janitor card and the Club gets into the car, and the Sherwin Williams van and drive away.

### THE HIGHWAY

Krashlee drives the van with Shamanda and Adam, while Susan and CEJ take the car. When Adam was in her memories, it is revealed that Shamanda has been in love with Adam since they first met. He was the first person to sit with her in the lunch room, and she later convinced him to sell scantrons with her. Seeing a good boy corrupted was a delight to her.

Now knowing her feelings, Adam is completely overwhelmed as he sits next to her. He spins a cocoon to hide in. Moths start to flock to him, flying into the van. The little bodies flinging themselves at and into the car start overwhelming Krashlee, who is trying to keep control of the van.

CEJ sits next to Susan and confronts her about being Adam's secret master. Worried that if she tells CEJ the truth about what's going on and why she's really here, he may discover how high ranking a monster hunter she is, which she is not supposed to reveal. Susan is the #2 monster hunter in the world. She tells him that she isn't Adam's secret master, but says that he already knows who is, hoping to get him fixated on someone else. Susan starts to drift off while driving, and CEJ is forced to take the wheel and keep them from crashing.

"Just tell me who it is because all these secrets and all this stuff you're making us do is getting us all hurt, Susan. Adam keeps almost dying. I almost died. You almost died. Chet actually died."

All of her fear and tangled emotions overwhelm Susan and she blurts out the first name she thinks of. Ranger Ilong. She tries to tell CEJ that actually, being with her was the safest they had ever been!

Behind them, the van crashes into a ditch.

Moths are filling the van and Krashlee is flailing wildly, trying to get them off of her. She loses control of the van and they swerve off the road. As Shamanda is thrown about, her iPod flies out of her hand, through the open window, and onto the road. Adam, still in his cocoon, is violently jostled. Krashlee is able to keep the van from getting totaled, but a passing highway patrol car sees everything and comes to investigate. Krashlee knows she is about to get her provisional license taken away. *Again*.

CEJ and Susan watch as the Superior state police officer pulls up next to the van. CEJ twiddles something between his fingers. It had thrown him off the minute he had seen it by the lake. A small shark tooth, one his mother had bought in a museum gift shop, had been lying in the sand. Distinctive enough the CEJ had recognized it at once.

Thinking about how Susan was trying to reassure him moments before things went to hell, CEJ looks her dead in the eye and says,

> "Susan Wexler, you are a liar."
>
>

## Characters

**Main Cast**

* Rashawn Nadine Scott as Shamanda Felt
* Jeff Murdoch as Adam Miller
* Erin Rein as Krashlee Grenadine
* Claire Linic as Susan Wexler
* Alan Linic as CEJ
* Tyler Samples as Chet Gibbons, Paul DeBello, Jordan Vincent, Wyatt Vargas, Ranger Ilong, and everyone else.

## Introductions

Tyler: Welcome everybody to Mystery County Monster Hunters Club, a Monster of the Week actual play podcast. I'm Tyler Samples, your keeper of monsters and mysteries. And let's meet our players.

Rashawn: Hi everyone, I'm Rashawn Scott and my character is Shamanda Felt, the Crooked. And let me tell you, I have some thoughts about Drag Race. Okay.

Jeff: Hi, I'm Jeff Murdoch and I play Adam Miller, the Monstrous. He's just a moth monster with daddy issues. The big issue is that his daddy just got killed by his cousin.

Erin: Hi, I'm Erin Rein. I play Krashlee Grenadine, the Flake, the girl detective, the...confused about sex ed. And sometimes, I speak in tongues. Alala, alala, alala.

Claire: Hi everybody, my name is Claire Linic. I play Susan Wexler, the Expert and not only is my ex dead to me, now he's dead.

Alan: And I'm Alan Linic, I play CEJ, I'm the Mundane and I never murdered anybody, but I thought I'd take a stab at it.

## Notable Quotes

* "I said 1982 or 1984. That means I don't know the exact year, motherfucker. What we're talking about baseball right now and not dicks and butts and vaginas." - Krashlee
* "Oh my God, he loves me so much that he's developed a weird deformity and is eating his own clothes is so romantic." - Shamanda
* "Oh, hey, you know, I love fruity drinks. I'm secure in my masculinity." - Dream Chet
* "Oh my gosh. It's so nice that they put all these fires here for us. That was so thoughtful." - Susan
* "This is not how my hair usually looks." - Susan

## Links

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