Belinda Blumenthal

Belinda as she appears on the cover of Book 2

**Belinda Bounty Blumenthal** is the protagonist and namesake of the *Belinda Blinked* books. She is the incoming COEO and President of Bisch-Herstellung Enterprises, as well as the former International Sales Director of Steele's Pots and Pans and the founder of the Confidential Order of Cookware Knights. Her role at Steele's was later filled by former receptionist turned key account manager, Bella Ridley as she was abducted and presumed dead by the opening of Book 6. She is also one-third of the Glee Team, along with Bella Ridley and Giselle Sylvester.

In Books 1-6, Belinda has unwavering loyalty to Steele's Pots and Pans (though she despises the company's name, believing it to be "corny"). She devotes nearly all of her time and attention to the business and is constantly searching for new clients. She has unnatural durability and stamina, capable of going without sleep for days and entertaining multiple sexual partners within hours of one another.

The first of Belinda's chief marketing tools is sex, whether in public or private––the other being copious quantities of Chilean and Australian chardonnay, which she plies her customers with––and has been able to secure deals with several distributors over the course of the books through her supposed sexual prowess.

In later books, Belinda shifts away from making business deals and begins espionage training under the direction of James Spooner and The Duchess in order to protect Steele's from the nefarious Herr Wolfgang Bisch, his spies. and his goons. Near the end of Book 6, she successfully leads the Duchess and FBI Agent Helga to Bisch and his accomplices in order to arrest them.

At the end of Book 6, Bisch's personal assistant Petra informs her that she is the heir to his cookware company in East Berlin, which she accepts following Sir James Godwin's ungratefulness for her actions. As President and COEO, Belinda is now on top - would she have it any other way?

Belinda blinks to emphasize her interest or surprise at a given situation, giving the book its title.

## Appearance

Rocky's description of Belinda fluctuates wildly. She is predominantly described as curvaceous––though this description sometimes changes to muscular––with enormous breasts (that her bras are barely able to contain) and buttocks. She has dark hair, tanned skin, blue eyes and "puffy lips". Jamie, James, and Alice think of her as thick set and a great deal of the art submitted by fans reflects this. Most if not all of the characters in the book find her sexually attractive.

She has three small Bs "intertwined in fancy writing" tattooed on her upper thigh.

## Personality

Belinda considers herself to be irresistible, frequently initiating sex as a way of getting what she wants and exposing herself in front of people as a sign of gratitude. Throughout the first book, Belinda is presented as a rather passive figure, frequently bending to the whims of her employers and sexual partners, however as the books progress, she has come to be more assertive. As she gains the acquaintance of foreign clients and members of the royal family, Belinda also becomes increasingly egotistical, believing that she is incredibly cultured, sophisticated and, at one point, that she is "above the law". With this personality change, she also starts to become more rude to her employees, demeaning them, swearing at them, and generally treating them poorly.

In spite of her profile and position, she has almost no social skills, lacking any emotional maturity or genuine critical insight. By the standards of her friends and co-workers, she is still among the most intelligent and capable.

Belinda's work and social life are almost indistinguishable, and she takes every opportunity she can to sell products and building her business. The only two interests she has outside of work are turkey sandwiches (which Jamie has noted are Rocky's favourite too) and Chilean chardonnay––changed to Australian chardonnay in later books. Her lack of anything resembling a personal life becomes important when she goes missing and is demoted from her high-ranking corporate position in Book 6.

While she can be incredibly petty, single-minded and judgemental, Belinda cares deeply about her friends and co-workers and attempts to include them in her activities when she can. She willingly puts her life on the line to protect Giselle at one point.

## Biography

### Background

Belinda was born in Kent. She has spoken fondly of her relationship with her father, another sales director. Her mother's that her family lives in Germany, and Mrs Blumenthal is described as looking exactly like Belinda, except a little older. Mrs Blumenthal is a burlesque dancer and cocaine user, although she and Mr Blumenthal keep a cellar of champagne which they sell when Mrs Blumenthal gets a 'bum review' on her dancing. She seems to be regularly high on cocaine and costing the family money by drinking the alcohol that they're meant to sell. Belinda describes her childhood to Claus Bloch as simple, going from a "small primary school" to a "slightly larger secondary school" and eventually attending a university in London. The university's name was originally not given, however Jamie imagined that it was probably not a very good one. Rocky would later specify her alma mater as the University of London, where she graduated with a degree in Business Studies. She has kept several parrots as pets, the most recent of which is called Chichi. She has worked for Harolds of Knightsbridge, Typhoid Crockery Holdings and International Clothing Pty. Rocky has supplied Jamie with Belinda's CV to read on the podcast, however, the vast majority of it simply reads 'N/A'.

It is revealed in Belinda Blinked 6 that Belinda first lost her virginity to Clint, a former classmate of hers, setting up a lifetime of sexual encounters.

During Book Five, Herr Bisch reveals that Belinda applied for a job at Bisch-Herstellung Enterprises, for which she was unsuccessful. In the final chapter of the book, Belinda's connection with Bisch is further complicated when she discovers that the two are in fact related.

## Season One

Belinda is interviewed for the position of International Sales Director at Steele's Pots and Pans. The Managing Director, Tony Sylvester, asks her to remove her clothes, however Belinda is surprised that nobody makes any sexual advances towards her. She is eventually offered the job and accepts. Tony's personal assistant, Giselle Maarschalkerweerd de Klotz, enters the room and proceeds to have sex with her. A few weeks later, Belinda has another sexual encounter with Giselle in Tony's leather room before meeting Steele's main receptionist, Bella Ridley. They agree to see each other the following week.

Belinda attends a company barbecue-cum-charity tombola in support of the Asses and Donkeys Trust at a country estate owned by Steele's chairman, Sir James Godwin. Tony leads her into the estate's maze, handcuffs her to a trellis and leaves her for several hours. She has sex with three distributors: Alfonse Stirbacker, Jim Stirling and Peter Rouse. Belinda is disappointed by Stirling's microscopic penis, however she has a deep connection with Rouse, who covers her hair in his semen and paints symbols on her skin mud as part of a ritual that he believes will bind her to him sexually for a year. They agree to meet later that evening.

Belinda returns from the maze and rejoins the barbecue, where she is bid upon, along with Giselle and Bella, as part of the charity tombola. She eventually goes for £200 to The Duchess of Epsom. The Duchess hoses Belinda down and takes her away in a horsebox to an undisclosed location. The Duchess, now dressed in full dressage regalia, whips Belinda with a riding crop and penetrates her with a black leather dildo before instructing Belinda to do the same to her. The Duchess is left incapacitated by the overwhelming pleasure. Belinda handcuffs The Duchess to the bed, steals her horse riding outfit and car, and drives back to her hotel, The Horse and Jockey, to meet with Rouse.

Back at The Horse and Jockey, Belinda orders dinner and flirts with Sam, "the youngish man on reception", while she waits for Rouse. Rouse arrives and the two begin performing various sexual acts around the hotel, which also leaves Rouse exhausted. Upon waking up, he leaves to be with his wife, and Belinda enjoys a turkey sandwich followed by some more sex with Sam. At the break of dawn she returns to free The Duchess. She breaks down in tears and reveals that the tombola was rigged. They have sex once again before Belinda goes back to work.

## Season Two

Belinda is rewarded for her efforts in the maze, which have resulted in deals with all three of the distributors. She is given two free passes to the Ritz Spa, which she shares with Giselle.

She visits Amsterdam to seal the deal with Peter Rouse's company where she meets Peter's wife, Christina, posing as a receptionist. They become stuck in an elevator together giving Belinda a chance to rub her breasts on Christina's buttocks. Belinda is taken to meet Doctor Pietr Robbins, who signs a series of forms with her, before removing her underwear with a set of surgical implements and inviting his elderly assistant Helga to perform sexual acts with Belinda for his amusement.

She is promptly reunited with Peter and the two have sex in his apartment before spending an evening in Amsterdam. Belinda soon becomes drunk, and the two venture out to Casino Etoile, where they meet Grigor Calanski and his assistant, Lara. Peter encourages Belinda to entertain Grigor, while he talks to Lara. Belinda, attempting to set up a deal of her own with Grigor, obliges and Grigor leads her to the red light district where they meet The Countess Zara of Leningrad. Countess Zara, the madame of a brothel, orchestrates a threesome with Belinda and Grigor in a shop window, and Belinda is happy to learn that their display has attracted a record-breaking audience of 269.

On her way back to London, Belinda meets a number of women from a direct retail door to door and coffee morning organisation, who invite Belinda to speak at their conference at the O2 (referred to by Rocky as "the Millennium Dome building"), and a co-pilot named Hazel. As the plane is touching down, Hazel begs Belinda to finger her.

Back at the office, Belinda allows Des Martin to suck her breasts in order to stop him from quitting his position following his divorce. She then meets with Bella at the Pentra, where they are greeted by Sir James Godwin, who reveals Christina's relationship with Peter to Belinda and her true role in his company as a spy. The next day Belinda and Bella visit Forsters of Knightsbridge, Dressage Outfitters To Royalty, where Belinda spends £5000 on her own horse riding outfit and seduces the fitter, Adaam.

Belinda and Bella then head to Texas to meet with Jim Stirling and close the deal which had apparently already been sealed in Book One. Throughout their stay in Texas, Belinda is convinced that they will need to do more work than Jim is letting on, however nothing comes of this.

In her hotel, on the night of her arrival, Belinda meets with Jim, who has had surgery in the Amazon Rainforest to attach an enormous new penis. This marks the first "clithanger" in the *Belinda Blinked* series. Belinda and Jim have sex, only for Belinda to discover that Jim's "monster dick" is flaking skin and his semen has turned bright blue. She is apparently unfazed by this, however, and continues to have sex with him.

Belinda is taken to a British football game and an Italian restaurant by Stirling's Chief Executive Hank Skank. Hank pours bolognese over Belinda and has sex with her.

The following day, Belinda and Bella seal the deal with Stirling and are flown out to Jim's 'Lazy P Ranch' where they enjoy a barbecue and skinny dipping and have group sex with a number of ranch hands sent by Jim to entertain them.

Returning to London, Belinda recommends that Tony promote Bella in light of her help in sealing the deal with Jim and Hank. This leads Tony to blink.

## Season Three

Belinda gives her impromptu presentation at the O2, where she meets a sound man named Alfie - described by Rocky as "a smallish man dressed in black" - and gives away 20,000 non-stick tin woks (calculated by Alice to be over half a million pounds worth of cookware).

She goes to meet The Duchess at the Ritz Spa and together they drive down to Epsom Hall. The Duchess shows Belinda her sex room and instructs her to insert a pair of love eggs into her vagina before dinner. She is then introduced to The Duchess' husband, Lord Duke Clarence, Chiara Montague, Tara Gold, Jim Walters and Norman Asquith. While she attempts to make small talk, The Duchess switches the eggs on, gradually increasing their speed, causing Belinda to embarrass herself. Belinda attempts to sleep with The Duchess later in the evening, but she is turned down, much to the chagrin of Belinda, who was prevented from sleeping with anyone else.

Belinda attends a show jumping event hosted nearby with The Duchess and meets Penelope Pollet. Following the event, The Duchess and Belinda drive back to Epsom Hall, where Belinda whips The Duchess repeatedly on the vagina until she sprays "golden liquid" in her face. It is not clear if "golden" is just a turn of phrase, whether The Duchess urinated or if she released what Alice describes as "pussy discharge".

Belinda crashes her car on the way back from Epsom Hall, marking the second "clithanger" of the series. She is uninjured, however, and is ultimately rescued from the side of the road by Marco Origuez, the Brazilian plastic surgeon who performed the penis enlargement operation on Jim Stirling. Marco takes Belinda back to his apartment to check that she is healthy and the two have sex.

Belinda meets with Claus Bloch, the CEO of the direct retail door to door and coffee mornings organisation that invited Belinda to speak the O2. Bloch and Belinda have lunch, where he performs bizarre tantric sex massages on her.

Belinda visits Alfonse Stirbacker in Belgium. Following a morning of paperwork, Alphonse takes her to a chocolate factory run by Madeline Chocolat (sometimes referred to as 'Chocolate', presumably because Rocky's auto-correct kicked in). Madeleine invites Belinda to have sex in a pool of cointreau-flavoured chocolate. Alfonse then takes Belinda to a library, where they participate in a sex carousel, swapping partners after three minutes. Here, Belinda meets an Italian International Director named Aldo Felini, who insists that they rendezvous in Italy at some point in the future.

Belinda flies directly from Belgium to Leeds in order to sort out an issue that Ken Dewsbury is having with a distributor named Andy Millston. Belinda seduces him and he eventually relents on his dispute with Ken. In gratitude, Ken invites Belinda to use the shower in one of the student houses he owns. Belinda discovers that Ken has erected a crude CCTV system to record her showering. She decides to play along and lets him record their sexual encounter.

With help from Hazel and Bella, Belinda organises a surprise hen party for Giselle, however, it is unclear when she found the time to do this. Together, Giselle, Belinda, Bella, and Hazel fly to the Torremolinos Strip, where they court a young virgin crudely dubbed 'Butch Cassidy the Sunburnt Kid' and later 'Butch the Sunburnt Kid' by Belinda. Butch eventually decides that he wants to lose his virginity to Belinda.

Following a week-long hangover, Belinda visits two rag-and-bone men, the Schweinsteiger siblings Hans and Greta, with Des Martin. Belinda has sex with Greta and then accompanies Des Martin back to her apartment where they have sex, once on the steps outside her apartment and again on her water bed.

## Season Four

Belinda sends worn knickers to her various work contacts as invitations for Giselle and Tony's wedding. An undisclosed amount of time later, she is sewn into her wedding dress by Chiara Montague, who has apparently spent the night with her. She coldly informs Chiara that she can't be her "21st Century date" and leaves her locked in her penthouse. She drives to the church where the wedding is being held, stopping to have a bizarre interaction with God when she forgets herself and blasphemes on "sacred ground". She complements her own appearance as she walks down the aisle, "feeling like Penelope Tree".

During the ceremony, she begins fingering Bella to keep her from creating a scene. She is apparently the only member of the congregation to spy a slight figure entering as the vicar officially begins the ceremony later revealed to be Tony's long lost brother, George, who was believed to be dead. During the reception, she converses with Bella, Countess Zara, and Grigor Kolanski. She is about to use the bathroom when she encounters Jim Stirling, who tears her dress off and proceeds to have violent sex with her. She throws a tablecloth on in place of her outfit and returns to the reception where she begins dancing with Helga and Dr. Robbins. Helga suddenly insists that Belinda accompany her to the toilet and the two have sex while Helga reveals that she is an FBI agent and that Steele's has a mole. Belinda is shocked but determined not to let the mole destroy her company.

Belinda decides to reveal this information to The Duchess, who she agrees to meet at the Ritz. She has a brief reunion with Sam the youngish man, who has somehow become manager of the Ritz in the time between Books One and Four (estimated to be a period of no more than four weeks) however her plans are stymied when she discovers that The Duchess is accompanied by Lucia Lorenzo, a woman Belinda met during the "charity fuck session" in Belgium. Forgetting her worries, Belinda, Lucia and The Duchess decide to have a girl's night out at an underground tavern called Buckley's. The Duchess soon abandons Belinda and Lucia, leaving them to enjoy "Zachariah's Magic Wand"––a type of cigar called a "tamarack's flute" which produces a powerful high. Zachariah blows smoke into Belinda's vagina and Lucia's anus and Belinda eventually splays her vagina over Lucia's anus––literally blowing smoke up her arse as James notes. Lucia, Belinda and Zachariah proceed to "fuck till the cows come home".

With the help of Des Martin––who apparently moonlights as a cab driver––Belinda, Lucia and The Duchess return to their hotel and Belinda spends the rest of the evening enjoying turkey sandwiches and sex with Sam, now the "youngish manager".

Returning to work the next morning, Belinda meets with Tony and Sir James. She reveals that an unknown party wishes to steal the Tri-Oxy Brillo range blueprints. The three deduce that Bisch-Herstellung is the party responsible for this attempt (however Rocky's description of their deduction is so incredibly convoluted and nonsensical that it is unclear how they came to this conclusion) and Sir James organises a rendezvous for Belinda with ally spy James "Spoons" Spooner to help them uncover the mole.

Belinda visits Penelope Pollet in Paris, making sure to grow out her pubic hair in what she assumes is the French fashion, and following a day of paperwork, the two visit the Moulin Marron (which Penelope assures Belinda is vastly superior to the Moulin Rouge). There, Belinda meets Mistress Sweetjuice a "world eminent feeder", who instructs Belinda to lick her clean of a thin layer of whipped cream she is covered in. Belinda obliges and promptly performs cunnilingus on her.

Belinda returns to the UK and rendezvous with Helga, disguised as an even older woman, in a church in Scotland near Steele's factory. They are pursued by Spooner, who believes that Belinda is the mole. They return to Helga's hotel, where Belinda, Helga and Spooner, who eventually joins them, engage in a threesome. Helga is able to clear Belinda of suspicion and the three head to the factory.

At the factory, Slinz reveals the tri-oxy brillo range (a saucepan which is instantly able to boil water), and out of gratitude for his services, Belinda and the rest of the Glee Team initiate a factory-wide orgy. The following morning, Belinda and Spooner are too late to stop Giselle, revealed to be "The Special One", from abducting Slintz and taking him back to East Germany. Instead of chasing after her, Belinda stays in the factory and fellates Spooner.

Returning once again to Steele's office, Belinda founds the Confidential Order of Cookware Knights, a group of coworkers and acquaintances Belinda trusts, retaliation to the kidnapping of Slinz. As the C.O.C.Ks depart, however, a car bomb is detonated by a mysterious figure, later revealed to be George. Belinda is knocked unconscious by the blast.

## Season Five

Belinda apparently dies and ascends to heaven following the detonation of the car bomb, however she is soon pulled back down to Earth and awakens to find the car park in chaos. She tends to Des Martin and uses her bra to bandage his head. As the members of COCK gather their bearings, Spooner and Belinda realise that Bella is seriously wounded and unresponsive. They rush her to the hospital where she falls into a brief coma.

Straddling Bella's hospital bed, Belinda rallies the members of COCK and informs them of a safe house she has set up with the help of "the anciently Housemaster of the Keys" Monty, a former Steele's employee. The members of COCK are soon ordered to leave by Bella's doctor Veronica Stud, who begins orders Belinda to perform oral sex on her as part of a sexual therapy session. This act awakens Bella from her coma, and an overjoyed Belinda proceeds to go down on her too. Bella is so overwhelmed by Belinda that she copiously squirts on Belinda's face and in her mouth.

Belinda arrives at the safe house, where Tony and Maeve, Steele's new receptionist, are having sex. Belinda reveals that her and Tony are promoting her to Key Account Manager Russian Interests to replace Giselle. Tony has penetrative sex with Maeve and tongues Belinda's anus. Belinda leaves Tony and Maeve to enjoy themselves while she goes to the kitchen to enjoy a turkey sandwich.

Belinda and Spooner devise a flimsy plan to infiltrate Bisch's East Berlin headquarters by posing as insurance salesmen. However, Spooner insists that Belinda undergo "espionage training" before they begin. Belinda participates in a day course at the Royal Academy of Drama and Stuff under Acting Mistress Geramima St. Frostfirt, whom she is able to seduce, securing her credentials as a spy.

Travelling with Spooner, she adopts the name "Belinda 'Smiffy' Smith". Upon entering Bisch's headquarters, she is sent to a copier room where she has sex a young man named Edmond, who she dubs "Thick-Rimmed" for the size of his spectacles and penis. After Edmond passes out post-coitus, Belinda discovers a "pussy pink" folder containing details of a financial transaction between Giselle and Bisch. Somehow concealing the entire folder in her shoe, she proceeds to Bisch's Schloss at an undisclosed point in the country.

At the Schloss, Belinda and Spooner once again have sex, before joining Bisch and his assistant Petra for dinner. Their cover is almost instantly blown when Bisch recognises Belinda, having interviewed her for a role in his company. The two escape after she flashes her bra, laced with a sleeping draught, at Bisch's goons––all of whom are compelled to press their faces against it, rendering them instantly unconscious. Belinda is distressed when she remembers that she left behind a sales strategy report detailing a new child-friendly frying pan named "Sam" which she reasons Bisch-Herstellung will now be able to use.

With the aid of Spooner's assistant Mimi, they are whisked away to an eatery named "It Curry be Würst", absent-mindedly performing oral sex on one another. In a secret room at the back of the shop, they encounter The Duchess––now revealed to be the head of British Intelligence.

The Duchess finally reveals what she has been keeping fro Belinda the entire time they've known each other. In fact, when the Duchess saw Belinda at the Asses and Donkeys Trust auction, naked and caked in mud and yet still composed, she realised that Belinda had the potential to be a great spy. She bid on her to learn more about her.

In the present day, Belinda is shocked to learn this, but also excited at the glamorous prospect of being a spy. The Duchess tells her that it's too complicated to go after Bisch now, as he's protected by some international trading laws (which have only just entered into effect, apparently). However, Giselle and George have been discovered leaving Europe, and so they are fair game. The Duchess gives Belinda clearance to follow them to Australia, capture them, and rescue Professor Slinz.

Some time later, Belinda returns to London, and spends an afternoon with Bella at Bella's flat. They are watching telly and fooling around, when Bella spots a familiar face on the screen and turns up the volume. She excitedly points out Cosmo Macaroon, an Australian TV personality and the most famous telly chef in the world. Belinda continues going down on Bella, accompanied by the audio of Cosmo Macaroon cooking a fish. Suddenly, Belinda notices the array of pots and pans Cosmo is using to cook with, and an idea pops into her head, and she tells Bella that she'll need her on her upcoming trip to Australia.

Some time later, Tony summons Belinda into his office, and tells her that Sir James Godwin has had a heart attack. As such, Tony must stay in London to keep things running, and Belinda has to take Tony's place at an international cookware conference in Sydney. He adds that because of the added danger posed by Bisch, Bella will be joining her on the trips as a bodyguard. Belinda, in a stunning moment of insight, considers that the Duchess may have asked Sir James to fake a heart attack, so as to give Belinda an innocent-seeming reason to fly to Australia.

Belinda heads to the airport, and meets the Contessa Lucia Lorenzo at the airport lounge bar. However, James Spooner comes up behind the countess and stuns her with a memory-erasing stun gun, to make sure that no-one knows where Belinda is.

On the plane, just after it's taken off, an air-steward spills vodka over Belinda. Belinda hulks out into a Karen, and demands to see the manager, or, failing that, the pilot. After a brief scuffle, she is shown into the cockpit, and discovers that the pilot is none other than Hazel. Both women are ecstatic to see each other, but Hazel's copilot Digby Dodd is less than pleased at allowing a passenger into the cockpit. Belinda convinces him to let her stay by initiating a threesome in the cockpit. During this threesome, Belinda accidentally pushes a lever, causing the jet to tilt further and further up until it's pointing out into space, and everyone back in the cabin has been thrown around.

Hours later, Belinda has landed in Sydney, with no explanation of how the plane ride ended. She heads to the office of Cosmo Macaroon's agent, Cornelius Kettle, and tells him that she wants to get Steele's Pots and Pans to sponsor the show *Cooking with Cosmo*. Kettle tells her there's no time to fulfill any order before the new series starts filming, and remains resolute even when Belinda strips off and does a sexy pot and pan dance.

She regroups with Bella back at their hotel to brainstorm another plan of attack. Bella tells her that she is the chairwoman of the online Cosmo Macaroon fanclub. As such has exclusive access to Cosmo's official FacePage account, and can get them into his recording that night.

That night, the two ladies sneak into the TV studio and hide in Cosmo Macaroon's trailer. Bella leaves briefly to go to the toilet, and in that time Cosmo comes in. Belinda tries to seduce him, but he is strangely immune to her charms. Bella comes back, and Cosmo recognises her as his greatest fan. He starts having sex with them, while Belinda pants out the benefits of being sponsored by the Oxy-Brillo range. Cosmo agrees to her deal, and their sex continues, all of them unaware that nearby, Giselle is watching them through a crane cam.

The next day, Belinda wakes up to a message from Jim Thompson back at Steele's that thanks to their appearance on Cooking with Cosmo, the Oxy-Brillo range has become the fastest-selling pots and pans range in Australian history. Tony calls her and gives her permission to take some time off before the conference to travel around.

She and Bella hop on a train, and encounter a Spanish backpacker named Quince. They establish a flirty relationship with him, and bring him along with them on some of their adventures.

The next day, they all head to the beach together to swim and have sex. Suddenly, Quince looks upset and apologises to them for something. Thinking he has just prematurely ejaculated, they reassure him that it's alright, spouting some statistics about it. However, Quince gets a sinister look, just as the beach is flooded with black ops and a helicopter touches down. Giselle and George get out of the helicopter, and George pays Quince for doing... something, though it's not clear what.

Belinda and Bella are taken to the clink, in an unknown location nearby. They try and seduce the Jailman keeping watch over them, and have actually gotten him to open the cell door, when Spooner appears to save them, yells something about the Queen, and leaps at the Jailman. The Jailman snaps out of his sex daze and dodges Spooner, letting Spooner jump straight into the cell, and then locking the cell again. For the first time, Belinda seems annoyed with James Spooner for his incredible ineptitude.

They pass the time afterwards by having sex with each other, and only stop when Giselle makes her way down to the cell and sends the Jailman away. To their shock, she opens the cell door and tells them that Bisch has arrived and plans to kill all of them, Giselle included. Belinda is initially furious with Giselle for betraying them, but her heart softens when Giselle reveals that everything she did was to raise money for some expensive experimental surgery for her mother, who is dying of conchakkutitus detritus, a fatal disease.

Their tearful moment is interrupted by the arrival of Bisch and George and their gang of goons, who start fighting the Glee Team and Spooner. In the scuffle, Geroge whips out a dagger and kills Spooner, to everyone's horror. Just then in the nick of time (or rather, just AFTER the nick of time), the COCKs arrive to help capture the goons.

An escape hot-air balloon rises from underneath the clink, and George and Bisch jump in. Just before it flies off, they grab Belinda and drag her in as well. As Bisch struggles for purchase in the hot-air balloon basket, his lederhosen ride up his leg, showing a tattoo of three intertwined B's on his thigh. Belinda, shocked beyond words, pulls up her dress and reveals the exact same tattoo on her own leg. Bisch snarls "Yes, family!", as the balloon carries Belinda away from her loved ones.

## Season Six

Belinda manages to escape the balloon by not eating the supply of cheese and beer Bisch and George brought with them on the trip back to East Berlin, and therefore not getting food poisoning. Lowering the balloon a safe distance to the ground, she jumps out into the dust and scrub (scrub and dust?) of the Australian desert and meets flying doctor Doc Al, whom she gives his first prostate orgasm before he takes her back to civilization.

In Sydney, Belinda meets a stranger looking for directions to The Rocks, who upon arriving at a pile of literal rocks informs her that she has an important meeting imminently. It turns out to be with the Duchess, who sent the stranger, her gadget geek Señor Zip, to test her kindness to strangers. The Duchess tells Belinda that one of Herr Bisch's goons, Mr Hushman, has stolen the blueprints to the Tri-Oxy Brillo Range and is interested in selling them on the black market, potentially to Bisch himself and kneecapping Steele's in the process.

Bella arrives in Sydney to retrieve Belinda, and meet Giselle (who has disguised herself). Bella tells Belinda she is "presumed dead" back in London, so she has taken over her job as International Sales Director and Belinda is on temporary staff. Belinda is furious. They visit the Pots and Pan-Pacific Conference, where Bella presents the new Cry-No-More Knife to "sprinkles of people" watching in the audience despite Belinda's enthusiastic cheers. Despite the presentation not going according to plan, Belinda crosses paths with Trixie Forward, an Australian businesswoman interested in Steele's products, and the two later have sex in Belinda's hotel room. Later, Trixie is revealed to be Agent XYZ, or the Exceptional One, an agent working for Bisch to kill George and recover the blueprints.

Belinda finally returns to Steele's, where she airs her grievances to the entire staff and later has sex with Patrick O'Hamlyn and Dave Wilcox. Tony introduces her to Giles Cottonsbirth, a limping Welsh lobbyist interested in not only Steele's but Giselle, who he claims went to school with him. Upon seeing Giselle, Giles reveals himself to be George in disguise, and just before he can kill Giselle he is shot dead by a mysterious figure. Tony suggests Belinda take some time off after this.

Belinda returns to Kent, her hometown, for some R&R. She rekindles an old romance with Clint, whom she first lost her virginity to, and interrogates him about the meaning of the three B's tattoo he had given her on her 18th birthday. He tells her her mother had paid him to do so, and is unsure what it means. Belinda has sex with him and tattoos a peace sign on his scrotum. At the Blumenthal family home, Belinda's mother reveals that Bisch is her brother-in-law, which makes him Belinda's step-uncle, and he has been looking for her since birth. The tattoo was done in an attempt to protect Belinda from his grasp.

Back in London, Belinda has sex with Monty Jim, a pizza delivery boy who shows up at her penthouse unannounced with a delivery, and it turns out that the pizza saver inside the box contains a radio with a message from Sr. Zip: Mr. Hushman is entering an Uno tournament in Berlin. Belinda meets Hushman at a torture garden party, where he is dressed as a mouse. After a "rodential pounding", a third person joins them, whose vagina Belinda finds familiar.

The third person, revealed to be Agent XYZ, steals the blueprints hidden in Hushman's costume tail and kills him with her poisoned high heel. She then runs away, causing Belinda to chase after her under the guidance of Zip until she finds herself in Bisch's secret lair. A well-rehearsed series of reveals culminates in the fact that Agent XYZ was Maeve all along, who started working for Bisch after she felt excluded from the Glee Team, namely Giselle's hen do in Spain. Additionally, Bisch and Dr. Robbins, who is actually an American fugitive named Wayne Burt, are involved in a money laundering scheme with a baked beans company as a front. Their plan was symbolically finalized in the form of the 3 B tattoos, which stands for "Burt's Baked Beans." Belinda's mother had hired Clint to give her the tattoo as a form of protection against Bisch's wrath, but Bisch is indifferent towards her. Just before Belinda is to be killed for her meddling and knowledge of their crimes, the Duchess atop Toffee Apple Chew and Helga arrive to rescue her and arrest Bisch, Burt, and Maeve. The three of them then have sex in Belinda's hotel room.

Belinda returns to Steele's a hero, and is dubbed "the Lioness of Cookware" before the assembled body descends once again into a fuck fest. She has sex with Dave Wilcox and Des Martin before Sir James Godwin summons her into his office, where he scolds her for her absence over the past few weeks despite her having saved the company multiple times (and almost died twice in the process). After this, Belinda calls Petra, Herr Bisch's former personal assistant, who had at the hotel told her that in Bisch's absence her tattoo made her the sole heir of Bisch-Herstellung Enterprises and Steele's primary competitor. Book 6 ends with her asking, "When can I start?" and blinking; the current location of the blueprints are unknown.

## Finale

### Part 1

Belinda organises her Steele's leaving party in Rio de Janeiro, taking her coworkers and lovers to Brazil on a blindfolded flight. After Tony presented her with her long-awaited bonus in a brown envelope as a leaving present from the company and Des Martin led a farewell song from all the employees on his ocarina, an orgy ensued. Partway through the orgy Belinda noticed Peter Rouse coming into the room towards her. He got down on one knee and proposed marriage to Belinda.

## Christmas Episodes

### Christmas Porno 1 2016:

Belinda organises an office party for Bella, Giselle and the RSMs with the aid of a trio of strippers called 'The Hunt's Girls'.

### Christmas Porno 2 2017:

Belinda visits The Duchess at her mansion in the Scottish Cairngorms. They spend a night of passion together and go skiing with Chiara Montague. They are caught in an avalanche and are forced into a small cabin where they have sex to keep warm.

### Christmas Porno 3 2018:

Belinda receives a Christmas present of a breast-shaped glass bowl from The Duchess. Suddenly realising that she didn't get her anything, Belinda rushes to Harold's of London and procures a limited edition dildo called 'The Yule Log Lover'. She returns to Steele's headquarters and has sex with Des Martin, who has dressed as Santa Claus for the company grotto.

### Christmas Porno 4 2019:

Belinda joins Bella for a family get-together. They play a protracted game of monopoly before Belinda slinks off to have sex with one of Bella's siblings.

### Christmas Porno 5 2020:

Belinda tries to drown herself in a fit of guilt over stealing stationery from the office. She is rescued by the ghost of James Spooner, who shows her around an alternate world where Belinda has never existed, in an homage to the classic movie "It's a Wonderful Life". Belinda travels around with Spooner, meeting and helping lots of past characters.

### Christmas Porno 6 2021:

Belinda arranges a Christmas pantomime at Steele's for the Asses and Donkeys Trust - first *Dick Whittington's Mother Goose* before being changed to *Cinderella the Intern* - with The Duchess and Mistress Sweetjuice helping her cast the roles. Patrick O'Hamlyn seduces her to get a starring role and she takes Bella and the rest of the actors to the Pentra for a boozy celebration the night before the opening performance. At the world premiere of the pantomime, which she wrote and directed, at the Globe Theatre, she plays Cinderella the Intern phenomenally while getting some action from Bella and Sir James Godwin.

## Appearances

* Season 1 episodes 1-13
* Season 2 episodes 1-17
* Season 3 episodes 1-14
* Season 4 episodes 1-7 + 9-13
* Season 5 episodes 1-13
* Season 6 episodes 1-10
* Christmas Porno's 1-6
* Finale Parts 1 & 2