Bad Owner

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**Bad Owner** is the eighth episode of An Average Cartoon.

## Sypnosis

Mike reveals the sad past of how he and John began to respect each other.

## Characters

* Mike
* John
* Alex
* Kyle
* Mulland (mentioned)
* Mike's Parents
* Harold
* Doctor

## Transcript

(Mike is playing with John)

Mike: Come on, John! Come on!

Alex: Dude, Mike must be the most awesome dog owner ever. I wish he was my owner.

Kyle: Your owner?

Alex: I’m a dingo.

Kyle: And?

Alex: It’s a dog breed.

Kyle: Oh. Hey, didn’t you have a dog once though?

Alex: Uhhh-no. I don’t know what you’re talking about!

Kyle: Yeah, his name was Mark wasn’t it?

Alex: It-(he coughs)-it was Mulland and that was a long time ago.

Mike: What are you guys talking about?

Kyle: Alex’s old dog.

Mike: He’s in his twenties. He’s not that old.

Kyle: No, he used to have a dog.

Mike: Oh, how long did it take you to get your dog to respect you?

Alex: I don’t know, it was years ago when I had him.

Mike: Okay, me and John weren’t always good.

Alex: You weren’t?

Kyle: But you guys are like best friends!

Mike: Believe it or not, but I almost died thanks to John.

Alex: Explain.

Mike: Alright, it was about 13 years ago… I became 20.

(flashback)

(Mike is sleeping, when he suddenly wakes up to his family shouting surprise)

Mike’s Family: SURPRISE!

Mike: Wha’! Guys! What time is it!?

Mike’s Mom: It’s 5am.

Mike’s Dad: You’re now in your twenties, meaning that you must know what it’s like to wake up super early in the morning.

Mike: But that’s only because of stupid Harold!

Mike’s Mom: You can’t blame it on the dog. He’s only an animal!

Mike: Uhh. Aren’t we all orangutans?

Mike’s Dad: What your mom is trying to say is-Yes. It’s Harold. So we’re giving him to you. He’s 100% your responsibility.

Mike’s Mom: So be responsible.

Mike: Ugh.

Mike’s Dad: Any waste, you pick it up.

Mike’s Mom: Any babies, you take care of them.

Mike: I get it! I get it! Now get out!

(he slams the door)

Mike: Harold! Get over here! You’re mine now. I guess.

(Harold stares at him)

Mike: Let’s take you for a walk.

(*I Ran* by *A Flock of Seagulls* plays)

(Mike is running with Harold on the lead, they start running everywhere)

(Music stops)

Mike: Okay, we’ve ran around the city 5 times now. Are we done now?

(Harold is shown smiling, but then stops)

Mike: Fine.

(*I Ran* plays some more)

(they run more)

(music stops)

Mike: Done?

(Harold nods)

Mike: Finally! Woo! (he lets go of Harold’s lead and he runs off) Dang it.

(cut to later at night)

Mike: So, yeah, he ran away.

(Harold suddenly busts through the door, looking extremely overweight)

Mike: What’s he been eating?

(Harold collapses)

(he wakes up at the hospital)

Doctor: It seems that Harold is pregnant.

Mike: This makes no sense. Harold is a boy.

Doctor: No. Harold is female. You didn’t check, didn’t you?

Mike: Why would I even-urgh! Why is his name Harold?

Doctor: You mean her?

Mike: Yes, whatever!

(Cut to 1 year later)

Mike’s Mom: Mike! Where’s Harold?

Mike: He ran away again. It’s hard being responsible for 16 dogs!

Mike’s Dad: My favourite dog is Dan.

Mike’s Mom: Mine is Ben.

Mike: We don’t have any dogs called Dan or Ben…

Mike’s Dad: What are their names again?

Mike: Barry, Gary, Harry, Larry, Terry, Will, all of those have “the second”s, Sky, Elvis and-

Mike’s Mom: And?

Mike: John.

John: Grr!

Mike: I hate him.

Mike’s Mom: Why?

Mike: Listen to his voice.

Mike’s Dad: He can’t speak.

Mike: Oh really? John! Speak!

John: I am a dog. Bark, bark.

Mike’s Dad: That sounds nothing like a dog.

Mike’s Mom: And he has no expression in his voice.

John: John is offended, deeply.

Mike’s Dad: But he’s so awesome!

Mike: Come on, John. Let’s go look for your mom.

John: No.

Mike: Come on!

John: I will not do what the peasant tells me to do.

Mike: Peasant?

John: I will listen to all conspiracy theories that the internet puts out about this.

Mike: Let’s just go.

(cut to a mountain)

Mike: John, what do you like to do when playing?

John: I like biology.

Mike: Yeah, yeah. Great.

John: John is tired of this nonsense.

(John does a leap of faith off of the mountain)

Mike: No! John!

(Mike reaches out with his long arms)

Mike: No! They’re not long enough!

(John is just spinning in the air, then lands on all fours and looks at Mike)

John: Come down.

Mike: I’ll die!

John: I am not a dog.

Mike: Obviously you’re not! You can talk and do strange stunts!

John: One of my fathers is Grütish, I have a small Grütish power.

Mike: WHAT!? You know what, I’m just gonna jump!

(he jumps to *Jesu Joy of a Man’s Desiring*)

(very slowly, you see Mike quickly approaching the ground while screaming)

(Mike bashes against the ground and the music ends)

John: My bad.

(music plays as John legs it to the closest telephone box and calls the ambulance)

Dispatch: We have a harmed animal, get to the mountain as soon as possible!

(song ends)

(*Pale Blue Eyes* by *The Velvet Underground* plays)

Mike: Ugh. John! John! Please! I just wanted you to respect me! The truth is-(he coughs really badly)-You’re my favourite! You’re my favourite dog! I love you, man!

(he sees doctors look at him)

Mike: Who are you guys?

(he notices John)

Mike: John! John!

John: I called the ambulance for you. It was all part of respect.

Mike: John! You did it for me! For-(he coughs again)-Respect.

(the music ends and the screen blanks out)

Mike (VO): It was a few rough months for me then in the hospital. But ever since then, John and I had been extremely close.

(cut to modern day)

Alex: And what about all those other dogs of yours?

Mike: I still own them. Turns out they all had a smaller Grütish power in them too, but they can’t talk. But they can an expanded life.

Kyle: That was touching, man.

Alex: Yeah.

Kyle: Do you know how Alex’s dog we-

Alex: He got hit by a car. That was it.

Mike: Oh, I’m sorry for your loss.

Alex: Meh, it was awhile ago.

Mike: Yeah. Hey John!

(John turns around and runs to Mike)

Mike: Hi-five!

(John hi-fives Mike)

Mike: Good boy.

*(The End)*

## Trivia

### References to IRL

* Three real-life songs play in this episode, *I Ran* *by "A Flock of Seagulls", Jesu Joy of a Man's Desiring and Pale Blue Eyes (song) by "The Velvet Underground".*

### Episode Connections

* John is revealed to be Grütish, which is the name of people from the fictional country of Grütland, which was heavily used in the previous episode, The Job.