recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
The Final Confrontation

"The Final Confrontation" is the fourth track of the third act of Janissary, and the fourteenth track of the album overall.

## Performers

Lauren Osborn as Brija

Paul Shapera as Bogdan and the Vizier

## Lyrics

[VIZIER:]

I extend to you my greeting

It's a long time since I've seen

Someone wear that uniform 'round these parts

So you're the last of the Hajduk

Ten years ago, I wiped out

Your whole group, but now just look, here you are

As a token of respect

I will give you land to tend

Maybe settle down and pick out a wife

You should think about a child

They make all of life worthwhile

Like this sweet girl I have here by my side

Take the money now and go

It's the only deal you'll know

You can still walk out of here with a life

If you don't, then take my word

I will have this little girl

Gut you head to toe and left side to right

[BOGDAN:]

This tale not all will attend

For some, here the story ends

In this palace grand and sweet

The finest place that I have seen

Some will not leave this room again

A baby girl from long ago

You took away from me and so

I chose a path both dark and doomed

And by the Black God was consumed

Yet I am here to see this through

I never chose the path of love

The kinder things I should have done

I failed all I should have saved

The only legacy I made

The one I bring now made in blood

[BRIJA:]

Thus the room lies bathed

In blood and butchery

Only three remain

The Vizier, Bogdan and me

I there poised between them

Sword drawn in silence, thus

The moment the gods have wagered on

Is here and they watch us

And this is how I met my dad

The one I never knew I had

I didn't even know it then

I only saw a crazy man

A weapon in his hand

And this is how he met me too

The daughter that he never knew

He only saw a girl and blade

Between him and what he craved

One he'd cut his way right through

You can ask me why

Why he dropped his sword and looked into my eyes

You could say he knew

There's many now who do

But I don't know if that's true

You can ask me why

I did what I did that night

I put my sword through Bogdan's chest

I turned around and then

I put it through the Vizier's neck

It was a bloodbath on that day

I was all that walked away

I don't know from right and wrong

The wagers of the gods

But I will not be a pawn

And this was how I killed my dad

The one I never knew I had

the one I wish I'd known

But that love died long ago

The day they took me from my home
If You are Too Hip and Jaded for Sweet Little Love Songs We Pity You

"If You Are Too Hip And Jaded For Sweet Little Love Songs, We Pity You" is the seventh track of The Forgotten Meme.

## Lyrics

[MEME:]

The lost sometimes stare with a look in their glare

An emptiness few can perceive

I've known that abyss but the abyss can't know this

This moment I see what I see

There's prophets and poets who wax ever on

Of things both transcendent and free

But silent they'd be and down on one knee

If they saw what you look like to me

The cynics will sit with a bite in their wit

For the hideous natures that breathe

And all of it's true but then you are true too

They do not see what I see

There's tunes short and long, and some sing a song

For beauty's elusive and fleet

But silent they'd be, not daring to breathe

If they saw what you look like to me

I see you there and I freeze and I stare

With my heart and my breath lost to me

You'd think me insane were I to explain

How beautiful you are to me

I wish that I knew who it is that is you

We could laugh and we'd smile and speak

I'd comfort your pain, add delight to your day

If you saw what you look like to me
Jessica Singer

Twitter / Website / Instagram / Pinterest / Spotlight

**Jessica Singer** is a singer, surprisingly enough. She was one of the performers at The New Albion Cabaret.

## Characters

* The Grand Cyberpunk Gala of Gabriella Gadfly as Mary
* Nash Harding and the Secret of the Twisted Tower as Mary (Surprise appearance)

## Trivia

* It was announced that Nash Harding and the Secret of the Twisted Tower would have a surprise guest performer. The performer's identity remained a secret until the livestreams (despite some hints, like Mary's presence on the album cover), when the surprise guest was revealed to be Jessica Singer returning as Mary.
Sarah DeBuck

Website / Instagram

Sarah DeBuck is an artist who has drawn multiple album covers and merchandise for the New Albion universe.

## Official New Albion Art

* Miss Helen's Weird West Cabaret album cover
* Uncle Raven's Super Happy Funtime Carnival album cover
* The Grand Cyberpunk Gala of Gabriella Gadfly album cover
* Uncle Raven's Storytime Theatre: Never Never Land album cover
* Justacorp album cover
* Shadows and Flames album cover
* Lost Fables From New Albion book cover
* Uncle Raven Body Pillow
* Steampunk Era Poster
* Dieselpunk Era Poster
* Vote Voodoopunk Poster

## Gallery

Miss Helen's Weird West Cabaret coverUncle Raven's Super Happy Fun Time Carnival coverThe Grand Cyberpunk Gala of Gabriella Gadfly coverUncle Raven's Storytime Theatre: Never Never Land coverJustacorp coverShadows & Flames coverLost Fables From New Albion coverThe Cabaret CrewHank HernandezHan-MiMiss HelenHenry"Welcome to Lost Hollow" posterLost Hollow's saloon
The Abbey 2

"The Abbey 2" is the first track of the second act of Slenderman, and the ninth track of the album overall.

## Lyrics

[JORDAN:]

The time may come when you may see

Places you may not believe

Out beyond there where the wisest will not leave

And on the day that you arrive

Out the world's other side

We are here, the few, the mad, the watching eyes

In the abbey

In the abbey

In the abbey

In the abbey

The world’s walls are fragile things

The less you know, the best you'll be

But alas, if one day you slip through and see

There’s an old and lonely place

Between chaos and array

The last outpost, won't you stop inside and stay?

In the abbey

In the abbey

In the abbey

In the abbey
The Ballad of Thiccy Viccy

"The Ballad of Thiccy Viccy" is a song that was performed at The New Albion Cabaret. It tells the story of Thiccy Viccy.

## Performers

Paul Shapera, along with audience participation

## Lyrics

Today's song children, is called "The Ballad of Thiccy Viccy"

(to the tune of Sweeney Todd)

Attend the tale of Thiccy Viccy

A story so sad you'll need some whiskey

A girl who worked the counter at

A yam salve store and loved her cat

Oh Thiccy Viccy

(to the tune of Annabel Has a Doll)

Jackie had a dollay and her name was thiccy vic

She used to bring it to the coffee shop to hang out with the kids

Thiccy Vic would sit with Jasper and watch all the vps play

And quietly wish for death while Jackie would try to get laid

(to the tune of Manikens)

I remember in the days long past

When the voodoopunks were young and fast and had a blast

Posed in coffee shops with cigarettes

Nothing can piss your parents off like summoning the dead

(to the tune of Elysian Night)

Thiccy Viccy, the girl who died when one sad night

A unicycle crashed, caught fire

(spoken)

And speaking of fires, in the glorious hey day of the Voodoopunks, when Jackie and her crew were running a doll named Jasper for Mayor of New Albion, the proverbial poop hit the fan and the city built a huge bonfire

(to the tune of The Roof is on Fire)

The dolls, the dolls, the dolls are on fire

The dolls, the dolls, the dolls are on fire

We don't need no water let the motherfuckers burn

Burn motherfucks burn

After that, everything changed

(to the tune of The Day They Come)

On the day we come it's over

They took Viccy and took Dorothy too

In a dark damp concrete basement

Viccy and a heap of Dolls they threw

(spoken)

Thiccy Viccy was tossed in a dark, concrete basement with other confiscated dolls. The dolls spent the night playing each other broken, staticy snippets of song as they attempted to communicate both their misery and hope of finally being destroyed. Viccy would regale the other dolls with descriptions of her favorite thing in the world she had known when alive, Yam Salve

Audience participation of The Yam Salve Song.

Finally, one day, after an unknown time laying in a large heap in the blackness, the door opened. It was some men charged with taking the dolls out, and one by one and throwing them in the fire.

The men stared at the pile and started to complain about the amount of effort it would take to remove all the dolls, so they came up with a better idea.

They brought a large container of gasoline. And they poured it over the large pile of dolls and when the pile was sufficiently drenched they lit a match and threw it in the room.

The burning took quite some time. But, as Vicky burned and melted her lilac paint running off of her, her wooden exterior engulfed in flames, her brass innards melting into liquid, one would swear that her melting face, just for a second, looked like it was smiling.

But, would anyone like to guess exactly what time it was when all of this happened? Any guesses? You sir, what time was it?

Audience member: 10 pm?

NO! What time was it?

Audience member: 3 AM

Damn straight!

Transition into Anvils
The Gods

The Albino Goddess, art by Fayz

The gods exist in the upper dimensions of The Metaverse, and they are formed by the conglomerate of thousands of souls who have been accepted into Elysium.

There are fewer gods now than there once were, and this has caused a destabilization of space and time. The emerging Post-Humans are helping to keep things from collapsing in the gods' absence.

There are several races whose origins were heavy influenced by the actions of various gods, and those instances are described below.

## The Albinos

The albino tribe was formed from the pieces of a shattered goddess. In a demonstration of her love, the goddess pledged to pick a living jewel for her lover. This jewel sat above a well, and in her attempt to retrieve it the goddess stumbled and fell. The well led through different dimensions and the goddess shattered when she hit the ground of this world. The pieces of the goddess are the souls of the albinos.

The albino tribe are working to reform the goddess and ascend back to where they came from. The tribe seeks to make the goddess whole again after all of them have been born and have died, a process which will take millenniums to complete. They also require the jewel to make their way back upward, and need to search to find the well and the jewel. The tribe works to build sacred tunnels in order to achieved their goal, and they shun technology, as their task relies on magic. (Bio8 白化族)

## The Fairies

The fairies gained their magic from the lover of the albino goddess. The god came to the world in search for his lover who had fallen. He did not know where in history she was, and searched far and wide, but he couldn't stay for too long without risking shattering and breaking into thousands of souls.

The wandering god happened upon a sad creature who was crying over a dead mate. In his mercy, the god gave some of his flame to save the mother and unborn baby, which passed along some of his magic that formed the fairy race. (Bio9 仙子之歌)

## The Dwarves

The dwarves were formed by a god who willingly threw themselves down the well. That god became the dwarves, who then created The Hamlet Wheels which stabilizes space and time on this plane. These wheels also speed up evolution and helps create Post-Humans who will replace the long dead gods. (Ocn Erhmqnn)
The Fall of Avalon

"The Fall of Avalon" is the first track from Fairy Tales for Homeless Faeries

## Lyrics

Ache for a place you've never seen

Time hides your memories and your dreams

As fate just lets go,

Lost bewildered shadows,

A life you'll never now know,

All your wishes gone

The Fall of Avalon

The Fall of Avalon

The Fall of Avalon

The fall of the great fairy kingdom of Avalon was the saddest day in all of Fae history

Though Celia had seen men once or twice

Her three Fae younglings had never laid eyes on such creatures,

until the night of which I tell

when they stormed the city

and Avalon fell.

Fae mother Celia with 3 children ran to escape the city,

when she met the 1st man. His name Daughlin Craig,

and his sword was drawn but when he saw the young mother,

He lowered it down

He let them pass,

and a tear on the face of one of the children Daughlin Craig wiped away.

The tear left a mark on his hand,

A sign his family would carry the rest of their line

Ache for a place you've never seen

Time hides your memories and your dreams

As fate just lets go,

Lost bewildered shadows,

A life you'll never now know,

All your wishes gone

The Fall of Avalon

Fae mother Celia with 3 children ran

to escape the city, when she met the second man.

His name, Tobias Miller and his sword was unsheathed

He would not let her pass unless she paid him a fee

A glowing moonstone from around her neck

She gave the man before she took her children and fled

but when Tobias Miller got home after siege had stopped,

The moonstone was now naught but a small black rock

Though he threw it away in mad disgust,

his very young son eyed it and picked it back up

enchanted by its glow until he too grew up

and reached the age where he too saw only black rock

However no matter any attempt to get rid of the rock,

It never left

Bury it, throw it, whatever was tried,

It remained in their family the rest of their line

Fae mother Celia had reached the gates of the fallen city

and was almost safe.

In the forest beyond whatever kin she had left

who hadn't already died in the defense had fled

She met the 3rd man then, Malachi Smith

sword drawn he ordered that payment be met

but jewelry and baubles were not what he liked,

he wanted pay of a more... *intimate kind*

Fae mother Celia did what she must

the man grunted and smirked and let them go past

she and her children fled into the night

carrying what would become of the man's baby inside

Ache for a place you've never seen

Time hides your memories and your dreams

As fate just lets go,

Lost bewildered shadows,

A life you'll never now know,

All your wishes gone

The Fall of Avalon

The Fall of Avalon

The Fall of Avalon
The Movement 2

"The Movement 2" is the fourth track of the third act of The Dolls of New Albion, and the fifteenth track of the album overall.

## Performers

Lauren Osborn as "Amelia"

Jason Broderick as "Byron McAlistair"

## Lyrics

[AMELIA:]
In the movement
In the nights of dead and dance
In the movement
When I’m offering out my hand
In the movement
I don’t need you to pretend
In the movement
All I ask for is a friend

In the movement
Drugs and dance and spirits whirl
In the movement
As we flee our father’s world

At the crossroads, so it goes we
Need the love you cannot show me

Can’t you reach for me?
Can’t you reach for me?
The burdens I bear that you never do see
If you’d just please help me

[BYRON, VOODOOPUNKS:]

In the movement
Loa live within our hands
In the movement
Our voodoo opens other lands
In the movement
Drugs and dance and spirits whirl
In the movement
And we reject our father’s world

In the movement
Come and dance through the night
In the movement
Ridden by the blinding light

At the crossroads and the barrow
We have come to court the shadow

[BYRON:]

My friends, look around at this world that you’ve known
The leeches are sucking you dry to the bone
The zombies are letting it all get away
So vote for our Doll and throw it away

You don’t need a master, no government who
Will take all you’ve earned, tell you what to do
Our Doll will not lead you, he’ll not bleed you dry
Nor bribe nor coerce you nor fail you nor lie

There’s coming a time not so far from right now
When your rights will be gone and they’ll make you bow down
We stand at the crossroads and offer a way
To ecstasy, freedom, a path, a new day

This welfare of zombies is come to an end
For zombies, your children are out of their heads
They’ve left you for sex, drugs, drums, and the dead
Come now and join us, come join us my friends

[NARRATOR:]

Over years Jasper’s taken
Words and instrumentations
From the music he channels night and day

And he’s used them to make
A new song he can play
To the crowd as he tries to communicate
The Rescue Plan

"The Rescue Plan" is the third track of the fourth act of The New Albion Guide to Analogue Consciousness, and the twenty-second track of the album overall.

## Performers

Paul Shapera as "Lee"

Lauren Osborn as "Rachael"

Kayleigh McKnight as "Mascot 3000"

## Lyrics

[LEE:]

Why’d you try to face them?

You should have died today and

I know I’ve been so cold, unkind

I mourn the joy I lost

I miss the boy I loved

I felt betrayed again, maligned

[RACHAEL:]

One day the walls will fall away

And in the open air I’ll race

These bars of yearning and desire

I will not sit and rot inside

[LEE, RACHAEL:]

Angel of mercy

Spare just one second for me

The last sweet solace I may know

[MASCOT 3000:]

Time to go

Why must so much this emotion run awry?

Your love long lost, a lovely plot

But tedious at times

Don’t you know

Broken hearts and trust

And stories when they lay

A chapter soon the plot resumes

We simply turn the page

[LEE:]

But just how did you make it?

They didn’t kill you they just

Left you unharmed and alone

In all the years I’ve been here

I’ve never seen one spared there’s

There’s something here that we don’t know

[RACHAEL:]

I thought they’d kill me but they weren’t

As awful as you said they were

Like dreams that faded long ago

It seems there’s something there i know

[LEE, RACHAEL:]

Angel of mercy

Spare just one second for me

The last sweet solace I may know

[MASCOT 3000:]

Time to go

Anticipating, I’ve been waiting for this time

The plans I have to bring you back

The climax has arrived

Time to go

There are two roads and a choice each one must make

To see the sun in New Albion

Rise another day

[MASCOT 3000:] (spoken)

Inside me is an MCG v3.14

And with it I can take each of your minds

And upload and transmit them home

Live as code you’ll be

Analogue consciousness like me

Or it’s not too late

You can go through the gate

Yes, you’ll die for a time

But you’ll reincarnate

Take a chance, roll the dice

A different body, different life

But you now must decide

We are soon out of time

[LEE:]

Where’s the choice where we walk out?

[MASCOT 3000:] (spoken)

That’s not an option then or now

Quickly you must choose

And divide yourselves in two

Rachael and I will run the MCG for those who choose

But Lee, you yourself must upload

Your father begged me to tell you so

[LEE:]

I will

But first before I do

I stay with Rachael 'til it’s through

And when it’s done sometimes you cannot smile

[RACHAEL:]

Sometimes the race is just that long last mile

[LEE:]

But sometimes you learn to like a whole new style

After...

[RACHAEL:] (spoken)

LEE! LEE! Lee, get up! Get up! Why?

[MASCOT 3000:]

A thin breath away

'Til your time is done

The monsters and days

You wished far away

At last they have come
The Sentient Plant

The Sentient Plant is a Post-Plant, meaning it has undergone a narrative flowering. It is first mentioned in The Dolls of New Albion, during New Albion 2. It is a plant which has been given the ability to think, by opening and closing petals. However, it soon closed itself off, and entered what appeared to be a "meditative trance"; this is likely when the flowering took place.

Much later, with more narrative power, The Sentient Plant attempted to track down The Lost Ones, which it succeeded in doing. However, whereas it hoped that they could provide guidance on living across many different narratives, and dealing with complex emotions, they had little to say. Instead, The Lost Ones and The Sentient Plant shared a deep embrace.
The Balley

art by Alyssa Wiswall

This article is about the club. For the song, see The Balley (song).

The Balley is a club in New Albion, located in the south side of town.

## Dieselpunk Era

During the Diselpunk era of New Albion. The club was popular during the civil war, since the party scene was in full swing as people tried to forget their worries and fears.

In Katy Shaw and the Search for the Stolen Secret, frequent visitors of The Balley include Katy Shaw, Sheila, and Wormy. On one Thursday night, the police raided the club, brought there by a tip from Sheila, who told the police that Katy had the ability to blip out of time when using the drug TanSan.

## Atompunk Era

During Hippiepunk times in the early Atompunk era, The Balley A Go Go is a colorful and wild place where the beatniks party and let it all go. Nash Harding parties at the club each night after the sun goes down.

## Trivia

* During the Helen's Hell Hags twitter adventures, it's mentioned that the club has a back door which leads to Raven's Carnival.
* There is a Swinging at the Balley shirt, hoodie, and poster in the official merch shop, drawn by Alyssa Wiswall
Reunion

"Reunion" is the fifth track of the third act of The New Albion Radio Hour, and the twentieth track of the album overall.

## Performers

Paul Shapera as "Lloyd Allen" and "Thomas"

Oliver Marsh as "John O'Brien"

Courtney Ellis as "Jacqueline O'Brien"

Lauren Osborn as "Constance O'Brien

## Lyrics

[LLOYD:] (spoken)

And so, Jacqueline and Thomas step out into a city lain to waste. Everyone in sight is swaying mindlessly to the hypnotic song of the dead. The only sane people they find are Constance and her father John, who look happy and serene. Having not seen each other in years, John and Jackie, brother and sister, reunite.

[JOHN:]

We never call on birthdays

[JACKIE:]

The haze and roads forgotten
The lost left, wave behind

[JOHN:]

I know, I know
We were never all that close
We never talked
Just pleasantries and lines

[JACKIE:]

We never call on birthdays
You lost her

[JOHN:]

You lost her

[JACKIE:]

And I’m so sorry

[JOHN:]

I’m so sorry
The hole goes

[JACKIE:]

So far down

[JOHN:]

It’s true, it’s true
you had a language I never knew

[JACKIE:]

You were always kind,
When it really counts

[JOHN:]

We never call on birthdays

[JACKIE:]

You’re there at the beginning

[JOHN:]

Then gone as
As we live our lives

[JACKIE:]

I know, I know
I couldn’t be what you needed most

[JOHN:]

You were always kind in the darkest of times

[JACKIE, JOHN:]

We never call on birthdays

[THOMAS:]

Constance, I am truly glad we found you

[CONSTANCE:]

I’m glad they let you go, they were wrong
Everyone’s obsessed with control and dominance

[THOMAS:]

How have you survived up here so long?

[CONSTANCE:]

We walked and we talked and we
We walked my father and me

[THOMAS:]

You strolled about in this
This apocalypse?

[CONSTANCE:]

We walked and we talked so long

[THOMAS:]

Why haven’t you succumbed to this song?

[CONSTANCE:]

It’s like a noisy tale with hooks and dreams
In which I do not care to be

[JOHN:]

The city is lost, it’s time to retreat
Soon all will succumb to this plague you’ve unleashed
At least we’re together
Now that it’s done
The only thing for us
We all now must run

[JACKIE:]

Because we’ve been possessed we are immune
John’s been mutilated, reconstructed so he’s safe but
Constance there’s no reason why for you

There’s something in your eye, something happened this last night
That changed you in some way I cannot tell
But I have doomed them all
I have caused this city’s fall
And all that’s left to do is run

[THOMAS:]

Run, run and taste the rain
Run from mistakes you’ve made
Run, run away

[CONSTANCE:]

We will not be running

[SOLDIER:]
Dollay, oh oh, we come dollay
Dollay, oh oh, we come dollay
Dollay, oh oh, we come dollay

[THOMAS:]

Constance don’t go near them, if you hear you’ll disappear then…

[CONSTANCE:]

Stories within stories...

[CONSTANCE:] (spoken)

Shh. Listen.
The Lowdown 6

"The Lowdown 6" is the thirteenth track of Katy Shaw and the Search for the Stolen Secret.

## Lyrics

[MICHAEL:] *(spoken)*

So I hope you were paying attention, 'cause that all was a bit

Much for me to recap, but the gist of all it is

Katy’s now headed to this warehouse in which there are all

These floors full of drugged out folks sitting, tripping balls

And Sheila will be there, if she hasn't already OD’d

So while Katy heads on over, let's take one last peek

Into sweet Katy's poor psyche; don't judge her too damn hard

She’s - she's just a good soul that's had a - a tough deal of the cards
Timothy & Samuel

"Timothy & Samuel" is the fifth track of the third act of Slenderman, and the twenty-second track of the album overall.

## Performers

Oliver Marsh as Samuel

Paul Shapera as Timothy

## Lyrics

[SAMUEL:] *(spoken)*

Zoe, can you hear me?

[TIMOTHY:] *(spoken)*

Samuel, is that you?

[SAMUEL:] *(spoken)*

Who is this? Where’s Zoe?

[TIMOTHY:] *(spoken)*

This is Tim. It’s my body Zoe’s used. How are you in my head? Oh, it was that chant.

[SAMUEL:] *(spoken)*

Yes.

[TIMOTHY:] *(spoken)*

Are you okay? We saw you with the slenderman.

[SAMUEL:] *(spoken)*

We don’t need to ever speak of that again.

[TIMOTHY:] *(spoken)*

Right. You’re okay, then?

[SAMUEL:] *(spoken)*

It was two weeks ago, I’m fine.

[TIMOTHY:] *(spoken)*

Two weeks?! It’s been a couple hours.

[SAMUEL:] *(spoken)*

Ah, yes. Time… time between veils is not quite in sync. Where’s Zoe?

[TIMOTHY:] *(spoken)*

she’s telling her story to this big ugly thing.

[SAMUEL:] *(spoken)*

Are you actually in front of it?

[TIMOTHY:] *(spoken)*

Yeah.

[SAMUEL:] *(spoken)*

And it hasn’t eaten you yet?

[TIMOTHY:] *(spoken)*

No. What do you mean, "yet?"

[SAMUEL:] *(spoken)*

Brilliant! Don’t close this astral link.

[TIMOTHY:] *(spoken)*

I don’t even know what that means… Oh hang on, the ugly thing is gonna speak.
The Madams

The Madams, are a group of character, who are all roughly the same person, inside of different Narrative strands. There are curently three individuals in this grouping, Madam Chatterlaine, Mademoiselle Chantiralaine, and Madame Shaperlaine. Each of the madams are skilled in the art of fortune telling, using Tarot Cards.
The Vizier (Song)

"The Vizier" is the third track of the second act of Janissary, and the eighth track of the album overall.

## Lyrics

[VIZIER:]

I'm the game master genius

Sultan gave me little edict

Keep this gaggle of egregious in line

'Cause I pimp this country

Send it out to make me money

Like a working girl who lookin' so fine

I'm the medieval big brother

I'm a bad motherfucker

I'm the ottomanic dervish divine

'Cause if you see me coming

Better get my money pumpin'

Pay a pimp some respect every time

Oh yeah we came, we saw, we conquered

Your whole country and your mama

I'm your daddy now, I keep you in line

Son, you think you're all something

I got dungeon after dungeon

Full of slugs that outrank you every time

I got a taste for winnin'

Over sexy local women

Who just bending over for me to try

I'm a dervish dance of trouble

I'm a master class of hustle

You the shisha, imma heat ya tonight

Well, I'm stuck here sulking

'Cause that sultan's stupid monkey

Just some years ago was passing on by

When some damn fool peasants

With some guns and plans unpleasant

Gave ol' caravan robbing a try

Well, they were shot through their heads

But that monkey wound up dead

And I was chewed a new hole in my backside

As a punishment real clever

I am posted here forever

And I'll never see my homeland alive

So imma rule this prison

With a backhand that means business

Since this sad hillbilly hovel is mine

I'm a pimp this country

Send it out to make me money

Like a working girl I'm keeping in line
They're Coming

"They're Coming" is the seventh track of The Room Beneath New Albion.

## Performers

Paul Shapera as "Alexander"

Lauren Osborn as "Alice"

## Lyrics

[ALEXANDER:]

A winter's tale where the cold wind takes

And nothing grows and nothing's made

This is like the life that I will leave behind

An autumn's tale where the vistas sweep

And the view's so fine that they make men weep

This is like the sight you've made that I've seen tonight

In the spring of another time

Maybe I'd be you and fate'd be kind

Next time then, around the spiral vine

Men will come in a blaze of guns

Unless I go, unless I run

And everything down here will burn in fire

[ALICE:]

Autumn reaps and the fallen lie

None will come, they will not arrive

The tribe down here will kill them if they try

In the spring of another time

The Angels taught them much to mind

Before they shunned me, before this city’s rise

Winter days have come here now

Stay with me, I need your help

Build with me about the spiral vine
The Room

This article is about the song. For the album, see The Room Beneath New Albion. For the location see The Room Beneath New Albion (place).

"The Room" is the sixth track of The Room Beneath New Albion.

## Performers

Paul Shapera as "Alexander"

Lauren Osborn as "Alice"

## Lyrics

[ALEXANDER:] (spoken)

And boom, just like that, this crazy little junkie chick, looks like she's on her last legs, she takes down my toughest, nastiest boys like it was nothing. Nothing. So we just stand there starin' at each other and I'm like, "Okay, darling, okay. Everything's cool. We can just talk this through me and you, nice and slow. Maybe we can come..."

[ALICE:]

There’s not much left, I’m sorry, oh my darling

But there’s not much left, oh Lord knows, now of me

[ALEXANDER:] (spoken)

What did you just say?

[ALICE:]

There’s not much left, a mattress on an empty bed

And there’s not much left, oh Lord knows, here of me

Away

Take these burdens away

[ALEXANDER, ALICE:]

Take these burdens someday

Let them lie

You’ll never set them down

While you’re alive

[ALICE:]

Help

Help me finish, come see

What I’ve built, I’ve made

With me, come and see

The room beneath which lies

I’ll never finish while I’m alive
The Movement 1

"The Movement 1" is the second track of the third act of The Dolls of New Albion, and the thirteenth track of the album overall.

## Performers

Jason Broderick as "Byron McAlistair"

Lauren Osborn as "Amelia"

## Lyrics

[AMELIA, VOODOOPUNKS:]

Dollay, dollay
Dollay, dollay
Dollay, dollay
Dollay, dollay

[BYRON:]
In the movement
In the nights of dead and dance
In the movement
The haunted held within our hands
In the movement
Jasper, love is why I do
In the movement
The love I never get from you

In the movement
Come and dance through the night
In the movement
Ridden by the blinding light

At the crossroads and the barrow
We have come to court the shadow

[BYRON, AMELIA, VOODOOPUNKS:]

In the movement

[BYRON, AMELIA:]

Loa live within our hands

[BYRON, AMELIA, VOODOOPUNKS:]

In the movement

[BYRON, AMELIA:]

Our voodoo opens other lands

[BYRON, AMELIA, VOODOOPUNKS:]

In the movement

[BYRON, AMELIA:]

Drugs and dance and spirits whirl

[BYRON, AMELIA, VOODOOPUNKS:]

In the movement

[BYRON:]

And we reject our father’s world

[BYRON, AMELIA, VOODOOPUNKS:]

In the movement

[BYRON, AMELIA:]

Come and dance through the night

[BYRON, AMELIA, VOODOOPUNKS:]

In the movement

[BYRON, AMELIA:]

Ridden by the blinding light
At the crossroads and the barrow
We have come to court the shadow

[AMELIA, VOODOOPUNKS:]

In the movement
In the nights of dead and dance
In the movement
The haunted held within our hands
In the movement
All for love is all I do
In the movement

[BYRON:]
Can’t you speak to me?
Can’t you speak to me?

[AMELIA:]

The love I never get from you

[AMELIA, VOODOOPUNKS:]

In the movement
Come and dance through the night
In the movement
Ridden by the blinding light
At the crossroads and the barrow
We have come to court the shadow

[BYRON:]

All the things we could share and conceive
If you’d just speak with me

My friends these elections this season to come
Your capitalists, socialists, fascists and bums
Your left and your right are both out of their heads
So this year for office we’re running the dead

Vote for our Doll for his stance never bends
He knows we are equal when it comes to the end
Your money and taxes, your debts and your gains
One day at the end we will all be the same

Your government robs you and bleeds you and now
My friends, one day soon, will come break your door down
Instead of the system, my friends, walk away
Come ride at the crossroads, come do it today

You think that this world you live in is all?
Come feel the spirit the Baron he calls
Don’t be a zombie, vote dead all the way
Vote Voodoopunk, we dance with you on your grave
Red

Red (also known as Aristotle or Elliott) is an artist/shitposter most known for making uwu covers of shaperaverse songs. He is known to create the occasional serious fanart as well.

Up until March 2021 he was the foremost proponent of the Sexy Edgar Cult, but after it was taken over by Pixelwayve and transformed into the Han Mi cult he has hung up his Edgar worshipping hat, instead preferring to revel in the chaos he has helped create. Paul has threatened his life on multiple occasions but has yet to follow through on the murder, instead electing to turning his namedrop into a frog. He is very happy with this outcome.

Rebecca's DeathDolls GenerationsAlt Connor
The Warner Women

from left to right: Temna, Terna, and Telna Warner. Art by PixelWayve

The Warner Women are three generations of women from the same family who appear in Kevin & Abi and the Secret of the Golden Pendant. They have an ongoing feud with the The Osborn Women, and are all voiced by Hayley Warner.

This article is written in chronological order. In the album, we are introduced to the women in reverse chorological order, first meeting Temna, then Terna, and then Telna.

## Telna Warner

Telna is from the Dieselpunk Era, living in the town of Dusty Falls. She was best friends with Solandra Osborn, but has been sleeping with Solandra's boyfriend, Elias Marsh. When two Voodoopunks came to town carrying The Pendant of Kultainen, a plan was hatched to murder the strangers to steal the pendant. Solandra sent Telna home to fetch the "secret ingredient" aka poison, but Solandra already had some in her purse. She mixed it with the tea and gave it to Elias to serve to the Voodoopunks. Telna was angry when she heard that Solandra had acted without her, but Solandra revealed that she was knew that Telna was sleeping with Elias, and their friendship came to an abrupt end.

Some time after this, Telna moved to the city of New Albion, but remained poor for the rest of her life and was jealous as Solandra became rich.

## Terna Warner

Terna is from the early Atompunk Era, and was hosting a party at The Balley to celebrate one week before the Voodoopunks were scheduled to leave for Elysium. Terna says that Sogandra Osborn is jealous of her fortune, but Sogandra says that Terna stole the The Pendant of Kultainen from her and that's why she got weathy. Terna allowed Sogandra to attend the party despite the feud, and Sogandra's boyfriend Ernie Marsh was serving drinks. Terna ordered a drink from Ernie, but before she received it, two Voodoopunks attending the party were poisoned.

Some time after this, Terna loses possession of the pendant as it is stolen back by Sogandra.

## Temna Warner

Temna is from the late Atompunk Era, and was attending an upper class party hosted by Sorandra Osborn. Temna hates Sorandra, calls her a "stuck up cow" and says that Sorandra is thowing the party to show off the The Pendant of Kultainen that was stolen from her family. Temna is also sleeping with Sorandra's boyfriend, Elliot Marsh, as revenge for Sorandra stealing her boy Drew back in high school. Temna testifies that even though Elliot is innocent, even though he was the last one to hold the glass that poisoned the cook. She noticed Elliot has a red stain on his shirt and says that she never thought Sorandra's parties could get worse.
Without Her

"Without Her" is the fifth track of Katy Shaw and the Search for the Stolen Secret.

## Lyrics

[KATY:]

When life comes down hard with a smack and crack

So you run and you hide in a dreamland made of skag

And no one need tell you you don't deal with things well

Ever since that night in that hotel years ago went to hell

And when life comes down hard now, you just run away

And the one girl you love, she needs you today

But it's all turning sour

And I

Can't live without her

If you just keep your love locked away in your head

And only pick girls who will never come share your bed

Then you never need tell them that you love them and so

Then your heart is kept safe and it will never, never be broke

You can pine deep in silence and the skag keeps you warm

And just live for the good times and ignore the hard knocks at your door

Getting louder

'Cause I

Can't live without her

If I lay in this room in a dream and a daze

Ignore it all 'til finally it all goes away

Though in all o' your life you never once said

"I love you" to any girl except inside your head

If you run to a womb, are you running to death?

If you love her, you’ve got to step up, catch your breath

It's come then, your hour

'Cause I

Can't live without her

I

Can't live without her
Sublimity

"Sublimity" is the twelfth track of The Grand Cyberpunk Gala of Gabriella Gadfly.

## Lyrics

[MARY:]

There's a luminescent string so fragile

From a butterfly's frail wings

Made of random links and numbers

So tiny you can't see

That string leads to the rise of

Giant empires not yet dreamed

If you catch just one glimpse of it

Its beauty makes you weep

A child spirit wanders rainstorms

Dancing in them like they're mad

If you find them and embrace them

They bestow on you a laugh

There's a lesser known equation

Where x is your delight

And y is innocence

And it proves they both were right

And all the wonder

All the wonder you can see

Sublimity

I've seen my share of horror

More than most you know

I know the weight of pain

That feels like more than you can hold

Yet in the depths of pi's long numbers

A creature roams the ciphers there

There's redemption here in wonder

Beauty that can still bring tears

In the deep of space there's a comet

Where demon children play

And a bird of fire protects them

As they fly through cold, deep space

They're dead now, all the others

And I am all that's left

We too were precious creatures

We too deserved to live

All the wonder

All the wonder you can see

Sublimity

We thought inside the great unconscious

If we grew a special place

A charming town so quaint and wondrous

We could all live there some day

If enough people believed it

It would grow and become real

We'd move there and we'd not

Become the things that kill

We tried to save the city

I know we have our share of sins

But we did the best we could

And I still want so much to live

There was nothing else quite like us

We were the only of our kind

Can't you see it's all so precious

This sweet and bitter life

All the wonder

All the wonder you can see

Sublimity
Return of the Librarians

"Return of the Librarians" is the ninth track of the third act of Slenderman, and the twenty-sixth track of the album overall.

## Performers

Paul Shapera as "Timothy" and the Librarians

Lauren Osborn as "Zoe"

Winston Wald as "Infodump"

## Lyrics

[TIMOTHY:] *(spoken)*

Why is she stopping? Is that the teddy bears?

[ZOE:] *(spoken)*

Oh, I hate the teddy bears.

[TIMOTHY:] *(spoken)*

Oh my god, I love the teddy bears.

[LIBRARIANS:]

Rats in teddy bear suits

Are librarians are teddy bears

[ZOE:] *(spoken)*

What are they dragging behind them?

[TIMOTHY:] *(spoken)*

It’s cable. They’re dragging a giant line of cable.

[LIBRARIANS:]

In rat suits are librarians

Now, quiet, quiet please, oh

Greetings, maternal mass

We come here bearing gifts unasked for

But your former children have quite

The solution you may seek

You want to play some games with

Your dear human children, say

We've got one millions of them play

You too can be a gamer geek

This game called Transcendation

It's addictive and engaging

You can sit and always play it

Jordan's reworked it a bit

Millions will play against you

You'll need never yearn to send through

Any more monsters to tend to

The abductions, kills and hits

We'll install this in your home

And you will leave the earth alone

And let these few poor people go

The slenderman can take them home

Rats in teddy bear suits

Are librarians are teddy bears

In rat suits are librarians

Now, quiet, quiet please, oh

We see a lot, we do

Oh dear listener, we see you

And we've very pleasant news

[LIBRARIANS:] *(spoken)*

Timothy, Zoe and Claire

[LIBRARIANS:]

Ride the slenderman on back

To the earth and we will catch up

With them, finish out the act

After this little interlude, oh

[INFODUMP:] *(spoken)*

Number 2: Transcendation 2.0 introduced the world to the most advanced and popular game AI of all time. Winning multiple awards, the AI, Mother, brilliantly executed and notoriously tough to beat, will even hold IM conversations with people as they play, which many argue are actually being written by live people staffed by the game to interact with the players.

Number 1: An entire fandom culture has formed around Trancendation's AI, Mother, with some of the craziest cosplay costumes ever. Some really out there fans insist that the AI is real and swear spooky, occult methods can be utilized to actually meet this character, and there are even a few missing persons cases involving die hard fans.
The Abbey 1

"The Abbey 1" is the second track of the first act of Slenderman, and the second track of the album overall.

## Lyrics

[JORDAN:]

Some things will come when you don't see

Some things that are you won't believe

And sometimes far away's the best place you can be

And there out on the other side

Out there the dire and perverse fly

We are all waiting here for you to arrive

In the abbey

In the abbey
Tyler Jennings

**Tyler Jennings** is a sound designer who ran audio for The Posthuman Cabaret

According to Paul he "was the nicest, most professional audio engineer i’ve ever worked with. It’s a shame he doesn’t get to run around that stage in the spotlight, because one of the definitions of him doing his job right is that you won’t realize he’s even there. But the sound in that theater was flawless and he was delight to work with, and he deserves a special round of applause."
The Osborn Women

from left to right: Sorandra, Sogandra, and Solandra Osborn. Art by PixelWayve

The Osborn Women are three generations of women from the same family who appear in Kevin & Abi and the Secret of the Golden Pendant. They have an ongoing feud with The Warner Women, and are all voiced by Lauren Osborn.

This article is written in chronological order. In the album, we are introduced to the women in reverse chorological order, first meeting Sorandra, then Sogandra, and then Solandra.

## Solandra Osborn

Solandra is from the Dieselpunk Era, living in the town of Dusty Falls. She was best friends with Telna Warner and dating Elias Marsh. When two Voodoopunks came to town carrying The Pendant of Kultainen, a plan was hatched to murder the strangers to steal the pendant. Solandra sent Telna home to fetch the "secret ingredient" aka poison, but Solandra already had some in her purse. She mixed it with the tea and gave it to Elias to serve to the Voodoopunks. Telna was angry when she heard that Solandra had acted without her, but Solandra revealed that she was knew that Telna was sleeping with Elias, and their friendship came to an abrupt end.

Some time after this, Solandra used the money earned from the pendant to move to New Albion where she had a daughter named Sogandra.

## Lady Sogandra Osborn

Sogandra is from the early Atompunk Era, and was attending a party at The Balley that was being hosted by Terna Warner. Sogandra hates Terna because Terna stole the The Pendant of Kultainen from her. Sogandra is in a relationship with Ernie Marsh (he thinks they're dating, she says they're friends with benefits cause he's too poor to be her boyfriend.) Ernie was serving drinks at the party, and Sogandra gave him a drink to give to Terna, but before Terna received her drink, two Voodoopunks attending the party were poisoned. Sognadra insists that she is innocent.

Some time after this, Sogandra steals the pendant back from Terna.

## Lady Sorandra Osborn

Sorandra is from the late Atompunk Era, and was hosting a upper class party to celebrate the launch of a new monorail line. Sorandra is dating Elliot Marsh and calls him her "big blue caller boy toy" and she has him serving drinks at the party. She invites Temna Warner to the party "out of the goodness of her heart" even though they clearly hate each other. Sorandra stole Temna's boy Drew back in high school. At the party, Sorandra's cook Kyla is poisoned during the party, and Sorandra says that Kyla has been eyeing The Pendant of Kultainen as if she's planning to steal it. Sorandra insists that the pendant is hers.
The Alderman

The Alderman is a character mentioned in Kevin & Abi and the Secret of the Golden Pendant. He is the grandson of the two Voodoopunks who were murdered on their way to the Akashic Monastery on a mission from Jacqueline O'Brien and Lloyd Allen. His parents are also murdered by an alternate version of Connor Morgan, who observed that the if the two were murdered, The Alderman would indeed become an Alderman, rather than an architect, which Connor needed as part of his plans.

Per those plans, years before The New Albion Guide to Analogue Consciousness, The Alderman would begin a relationship with Rachael. However, Rachael became pregnant, and in order to save face, The Alderman forced her to receive an abortion, and locked Rachael in an asylum.
Theme Song

"Theme Song" is the first track of Kevin & Abi And The Secret Of The Golden Pendant

## Performers

Kiera-Marie Somers as "Abi"

Oliver Marsh as "Kevin"

## Lyrics

[ABI:] *(spoken)*

We should totally have a theme song.

[KEVIN:] *(spoken)*

Why would we have a theme song?

[ABI:] *(spoken)*

All the detective teams on TV have theme songs and catchy names. We could be Abi & The Mouse.

[KEVIN:] *(spoken)*

Woah! I don't think so. We should be Kevin & The Witch.

[ABI:] *(spoken)*

that's not bad. Abi & The Mouse is cooler though...

[KEVIN:] *(spoken)*

I think Kevin & The Witch is way cooler...

[ABI:] *(spoken)*

But first we need a super fun theme song, something like...

[ABI:]

If something dark, nefarious comes creeping round your house

Crimes you cant unwind then just call Abi and the mouse

If the cops are lost and you are at your wits last end

We’ll solve it all just give a call when you’re all out of friends

When something sinister it slithers round your part of town

Murder foul don't howl just call us Abi and the mouse

[KEVIN:] *(spoken)*

Oh that's nice, but the lyrics need a little touch up.

[ABI:] *(spoken)*

Yeah, they could use a rewrite. What were you thinking?

[KEVIN:] *(spoken)*

Oh, something like this:

[KEVIN:]

If murderers are on your nerves and make your eyeballs twitch

Don't you moan, pick up the phone call Kevin and the witch

We’ll ace the toughest case without a snag or drag or hitch

Kevin is the sweet one and Abi’s kind of a b...

[ABI:] *(spoken)*

Don't you dare say it!

[KEVIN:]

If someone wrong just offed your mom and you are in a glitch

We’re the friends at your wits end, Kevin and the witch

[ABI:] *(spoken)*

I don't even know where to start with everything that was wrong with that...

[KEVIN:] *(spoken)*

Genius knows no boundaries!

[ABI:] *(spoken)*

If I randomly pointed to words in a dictionary it would be more-

[KEVIN:] *(spoken)*

Seriously though, I love this, but our theme song should be less Saturday morning cartoon and more mysterious. Something like this:

1,2,3...

[ABI:]

It’s true sometimes you need a sleuth, detectives on your side

[KEVIN:]

Brilliant sly, astute and wise we always get our guy

Abi’s fun and sweet but her spells can kick your behind

[ABI:]

Kevin has a brilliant mind nothing escapes his eye

[ABI,KEVIN:]

If the cops have given up, don't panic don't you twitch

The best detective team out there, the mouse and yes, the witch

[ABI:] *(spoken)*

That probably needs a few rewrites.

[KEVIN:] *(spoken)*

Wow, song lyrics are harder than I thought.

[ABI:] *(spoken)*

Maybe we should hire that poet at The Griffin’s Tail.

[KEVIN:] *(spoken)*

He just write depressing stuff about "the meaninglessness of existence"

[ABI:] *(spoken)*

Yeah but he can rhyme.

[KEVIN:] *(spoken)*

Sure, if you need something that rhymes with "abyss" and "pain".

[ABI:] *(spoken)*

I need a catchphrase...