Solo Log: Preservation

"I wasn't going to just stand there and let you *die*!"

Sometimes, when they talk, Hoya swears she can see Xambria as if she were right in front of her. The combination of their memories, occasionally just a jumbled mess of experiences and images, can result in very animated--if imagined--interactions.

Now is one of those moments. She had never seen Xambria shouting, but she can see every line of worry on the archaeologist's face, the unnatural flush of irritation and frustrated tears pricking the corners of green eyes and the frazzled look of someone who was moments ago just tugging their hair as the only outlet for their upset. She would have her own hands fiddling with her hair, a way to release her frustrated energy, but at the moment they're shouting because *someone*--

"So you thought it was just better to *take over*? You never even--you didn't even ask!"

Were they to glance at the reflection of the gnome's face in the glass they stood beside, they would be able to truly appreciate how peculiar their combined expressions were. Where Xambria's frustration was evident, occasionally a flash of Hoya's own distress broke through.

It was just dumb luck that they were having this argument away from the other constables and, more importantly, from Lya and her cronies.

*"Didn't ask?!"* Arguing with one's cognitive roommate thankfully need not be out loud, as otherwise Xambria's screech would have drawn the attention of everyone nearby. "I was begging you to move from the second he told you to run!"

"But--"

*"Enough!"* There's something different in the professor's tone now. Something hurt, fearful. Desperate. Not for the first time, she longed to be able to touch, to be able to wrap her arms tight around gnome (*her* gnome) and use warmth and presence where words alone just were not enough. "Your life is important too, Hoya. More than you ever let yourself think."

A pause, the uneven break in speech of a hiccup and a sob. Furiously, Xambria scrubs tears from her borrowed eyes. Her voice is smaller when she speaks again. Quieter. "I've lost almost everyone already. I can't lose you too."

The admission is enough to give them both pause. Very little can be secret between them, a reality they had come to accept early on. As a rule, they were as respectful as they could be of one another's privacy, each making a concerted effort not to pry or overstep any boundaries, visible or invisible.

Xambria's words grind the gnome's anger to an abrupt halt, replacing it easily with the upset of seeing the odd inventor who had essentially raised her acting so out of sorts. Cackling like a madman as they struggled to disarm a bomb. Hoya shivers, the sort of trembling so unnerved and so deep they both would swear it shook them to their soul.

"I'm sorry," she finally whispers. Wrenching control had been exactly as she'd explained it: an act of desperation, to try and keep her gnome safe. Exhausted, she makes use of the borrowed arms and wraps them tightly around the gnome's shoulders. It's not the same, and they both know it, but the simulation of being held is just enough to pull Hoya from the brink.

They're both crying. Visible tears in Hoya's wide, sky blue eyes and the imagined ones in the verdant green of Xambria's. What the apology is for almost doesn't matter: taking control or the seemingly irreversible loss of Tinker or something else entirely. "I'm so sorry."

They settle in the corner, silent, curled tight as if the summer heat of Ber wasn't already warm enough. For a long time, they leave one another to their thoughts, listening to the chirping of summer life around them and allowing their racing heart to finally, *finally* start to slow down.

"You know," and her tone is thoughtful. Curious. "The architecture in Seobriga is supposed to be beautiful up close. The peaks of the spires in the older buildings, especially. We should try to go see it, before we have to head back."

A watery giggle is the first response Xambria gets, weak, but not malicious. "Haven't you heard the story before, that it's supposed to be a place where lovers can meet?"

The corner of her lips quirk up, just slightly, easily as much a teasing smirk as a genuine smile. "Oh," Xambria laughs in  spite of herself, teasing. In her mind's eye, Hoya is sure she can see a mischievous grin and a playful spark in the other's eyes.  *"I know."*