Dole Master

"**Dole Master**" is the fourth track from *Inception of Perfection*. There is also an a cappella version of this track.

## Story

"Dole Master" exaggerates the lives of those live off benefits and as such describes the life of the eponymous character, a benefit fraud who goes from being "broke beyond belief" to "[earning] £90k" by doing nothing and taking full advantage of the system. The first verse tells of how he worked as a rude and rebellious employee at a fast food restaurant, before being dismissed by his boss and consequentially assaulting him. By the second verse, eight years later, the Dole Master is still unemployed and decides to become a thief, which ends up in his arrest and imprisonment. In prison, he meets an elderly convict who informs him of the benefits scheme, and once he is released, he acts on his "master plan" of fraud. In the final verse, another twenty years on, he reveals he has still never worked since he was sixteen and yet owns a wealth of luxury items "paid for by the state". Despite claiming to be "humble", he has no qualms about living off taxpayers' money and even blames the government for how the system works.

## Lyrics

```
Let me tell you a little story, a tale of rags to riches
Taking place on your very doorstep, to which we can all relate

When I was just sixteen, I couldn't hold down a job
Worked at my local burger joint slinging salty chips to slobs
I should've been flipping burgers, but I flipped customers the bird
I should've been making mayonnaise, but I made lemon curd
Boss told me that I had to go, I didn't take the job seriously
He said, "But thanks for all you've done," so I put him in A&E
I was broke beyond belief, but you people, you didn't care
Little did I know one day I'd be a millionaire

Some people can't afford a new TV, but I got my flat screen paid for me
Dole Master! I'm the Dole Master!
My new house has eighteen beds, but that's not enough, I got nineteen kids
Dole Master! I'm the Dole Master!

Now I'm twenty-four, I never had another job
Couldn't be bothered with a nine-to-five, so I just went on the rob
But everything would change in prison once my sins caught up with me
'Cause inside, I met this wise, old con and so he said to me
"You can do better than this, son, this life for you don't fit.
Let me tell you about this rich, new treasure, a scheme called benefits."
So apathy would be my new weapon as I hatched a master plan
I'm ready to earn double for acting half a man

My neighbour's a doctor, it pays okay, but I stay at home, I earn £90k
Dole Master! I'm the Dole Master!
I felt guilty once, but then I feel impressed,
'cause I'm spending all your money and I'm having a blast
Dole Master! I'm the Dole Master...

Now I'm forty-four, haven't worked in twenty-eight
Got four homes, six cars and a private jet, all paid for by the state
Your life will never reach these heights, 'cause your taxes go to me
Just enjoy a semi-detached, baby, why all the jealousy?
So I drink and snort your hard-earned cash, but you should blame the government
It's not my fault I'm filthy rich and I still don't have to pay rent
I'm nothing, if not a humble man down to my very core
Now give me all your moneys, next month, give me some more

Now listen up, vagabonds, dis is how we do it on dem benefits
Take it to the Jobcentre

Now I'm off parole, sitting at home on the dole
You earn less in May than I do in a day
I travel wide and far and I eat caviar
You don't holiday and you're wasting away
I'm rich, you're poor, I said it before
I wear dark hats and I throw things at cats
Play my music on the train, walk the streets in the rain
And I don't how I read, but I smoke lots of weed

I inject most of your wages straight into my veins
spend the rest on steroids working on my gains
Dole Master! I'm the Dole Master!
Why get a job earning scraps 'til I'm dead
when I could be filthy rich and I'm living in bed?
Dole Master! I'm the Dole Master!

You say it's not about money, you got a beautiful wife
well I'll take her from you with my beautiful knife
Dole Master! I'm the Dole Master!
I'll have a thousand kids, I won't remember their names,
I'll increase my benefits...
Dole Master! I'm the Dole Master!

Dole Master... I'm the Dole Master... x4
Dole Master.

```

## Personnel

* Marko Marko – vocals, writer, programming
* Neil Beforeme – programming
* Peteorite – programming

## Trivia

* Length: 5:10
* "Dole Master" holds the distinction of being the first song written by The MegaMinds; as a result, it became the inspiration for their email address. It was not the first song to be completed, however, as that distinction goes to "Tank Cat".