THE FUNNY FARM

Welcome HACK to my CASTLE for EERIE-EDITION 89 OF CREEPS CASTLE, FIENDS! I, YOUR SERVER OF SLOP, CREEPS, am all PRE-SCARED with another FEAST OF FIVE FEAR FABLES for you. Hee-Hee, this COMICALLY-CREEPY-CONCOCTION, is about a NAUSEATING-NIGHT on...

Back in the Spring of 1952, a young lady drove a Station Wagon down a road out, in the countryside of eastern-Nebraska one day. As she drove, she saw a farm up, ahead on the left-hand-side of the road suddenly. The lady pulled her car into the driveway of the farmhouse. She knocked on the front door of the farmhouse, and it slowly opened with a creak. There was a clown standing within the doorway and the young lady gasped in surprise at him. The clown had: long, purple straight hair on the sides of its white bald head, a white painted-face, a bright-red nose, and wore an orange suit with three purple buttons down its front, a white collar, and purple clown shoes. The clown also wore sunglasses and seemed to have a rubber look to his skin, with his left eyebrow black and also looking like rubber, and his right eyebrow black and painted-on. The clown also had another left eyebrow that was purple and painted-on up, above the rubber-like one of black, and a bending line of black paint going through his right painted-on eyebrow of black. "Why, hello there, ma'am. I am Funny-Face The Clown, The Farmer Of The Funny Farm here. May I help you?" the clown said to the woman, his rubber-like mouth smiling with huge purple painted-on lips, and rubber-like teeth.

"Hello. I am Mildred. I am moving back home with my Folks. I had to finally leave my abusive Husband Ron this morning sir. May I please stay the night at your farm here?" the woman said to Funny-Face The Clown. "Oh, I am sorry Mildred. Why, yes, of course. Welcome. Right this way" Funny-Face replied to her and Mildred followed him into his farmhouse. That evening, Mildred was upstairs in a bedroom, sitting in a chair, reading "Alice's Adventures In Wonderland By Lewis Carroll", when a knock was heard on the bedroom-door. "Come in" Mildred said and Funny-Face The Clown came into the bedroom, carrying a tray of corn on the cob and mashed-potatoes on a plate with a glass of ice tea. "Here you are. Enjoy this supper" Funny-Face The Clown said to Mildred with a grinning-face and set the tray down on a small table by her. "Thank you sir" she replied to him with a smile. "My pleasure ma'am" he said and walked out of the room. As Mildred ate her corn on the cob, she heard a low roar. She gasped in surprise, got up and walked out, into the upstairs-hallway of the farmhouse then. The bathroom-door was open a crack and another roar was heard from within the bathroom. Mildred's eyes grew wide and she peeked through the slightly-opened-door. Funny-Face The Clown was standing over the sink, his head down, roaring deeply. He took off his sunglasses and his eyes glowed-yellow as he blinked and rose his head, roaring away at the mirror. Mildred gasped in fear. She rushed back into the bedroom, grabbed her briefcase on the bed and rushed out of the room. Mildred walked out of the farmhouse to her car and saw a truck park in the driveway..

She gasped at the young man who got out of it. "Mildred, I found you woman!" the young man said to her. "Ron no!" she said to him and ran back into Funny-Face's farmhouse then. Ron pounded on the front door. Meanwhile, Mildred crouched behind the sofa within the living room. Funny-Face The Clown walked down the stairs loudly with his sunglasses back on, and she gasped in fear, seeing him. He opened his door and Ron gasped in surprise at the farmer. He gulped down gin from a bottle he had with him, and said to Funny-Face, "what do we have here? A freakin' clown!". Ron drunkenly passed Funny-Face The Clown and saw Mildred. Ron meanly slapped her across the face, causing Mildred to gasp in pain. "You're comin' back home with me, Mildred. And when we get there, I'll beat ya again woman!!" Ron said to her drunkenly and meanly, threatening. "Please Ron no!!" his wife pleaded to him and Funny-Face grabbed Ron's arm from behind him suddenly with his gloved-hand of orange. Ron turned around and Funny-Face took off his sunglasses with his other gloved-hand of orange. He roared deeply, as his huge eyes glowed-yellow. Ron screamed in terror at him. Funny-Face's orange gloved-hand on Ron's arm, along with his other orange gloved-hand transformed, changing into lumpy, orange hands, growing black, sharp-claws. The clown snapped his rubber-like mouth shut and opened it again, revealing that his huge rubber-like teeth of white, had transformed into huge, white, sharpened-fangs. Ron jerked backwards, trying to get out of the thing's grip, screaming in horror. The thing attacked him, biting his face, and muffling his screams.

Mildred screamed in horror and covered her mouth with her arm. She looked away, as the low roars and sounds of eating were heard from Funny-Face The Clown. She ran into the kitchen, as the sounds of eating and roaring were heard and ran out the backdoor with her briefcase. Mildred ran around front to her Station Wagon and the monster that was Funny-Face The Clown walked out of the front door, with his huge rubber-like teeth, his orange gloves and sunglasses on. Funny-Face held up Ron's dead skeleton by its skull in his left hand. Mildred saw him with it and gasped in surprise and fright. "Oh please stay overnight Mildred. I ate your abusive Husband Ron alive to save you from him" Funny-Face The Clown said to her. "Oh, well, thank you so much, Funny-Face The Clown sir. I will thank you" she replied and smiled.

Well, that ending had NO BONES ABOUT IT...AX-CEPT FOR RON'S BONES aha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Good thing Funny-Face saved poor Mildred from Ron, even though he was just CLOWNING AROUND THE WHOLE SLIME. What a good GHOST I mean HOST he was IN-FRIGHTING HER OVER-FRIGHT heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!