Deckard Cain and Star Wolf

Hello there! I am Deckard Cain. Stay awhile and listen, because the metaphorical feces have collided with some spinning fanblades.

It's been nine days. Nine days since I slipped my bonds. Nine days since I strangled my captor with his own beef jerky. And nine days since I rushed headlong into the night, always listening, but never looking back.

But in order to understand my current predicament, one must first understand where I came from, and just where this story began.

I, Deckard Cain, am a proud member of the Horadrim. I am a scholar by trade, well versed in obscure lore and history of the arcane. For years, I made my occupation as a traveling lecturer, researcher, and storyteller, and even served in several colleges.

And it's fairly safe to say that if I weren't a researcher, I never would have gotten into this mess to begin with.

My troubles began when I first started seeking information about Star Fox, beloved of the people of Lylat and many other areas. Turns out, they're not so beloved by Star Wolf.

Ah yes, Star Wolf. As common as a head cold in Port Caldera these days, and just as annoying. Or so I thought at the time, before their true power and influence made itself known. Well, "power and influence" may be a stretch. They're just annoying, enough that they seem to have more power than they actually do!

For those not in the know, Star Wolf are Port Caldera's recently honored "guests" - thugs of various backgrounds who seem only to care about spreading their influence and gathering the mystery mineral known as nexite.

But, as many Calderans know, Star Wolf get rather pissy when it comes to their sworn rivals known as Star Fox. One thing that annoys them the most is when people speak kindly of Star Fox or ask a lot of of questions about them. What's this? A group that helped prevent a sterilizing biomechanical plague and a galaxy-wide digitization scheme by a transdimensional madman? "Preposterous," claim Star Wolf. "Star Fox is filled with liars and thieves who want to subvert the beautiful underpinnings of the universe," as quoted by their leader Difret Degwesk from a TV interview. And so, the open praise and research of Star Fox is monitored by them, and actively punished in places where Star Wolf have a tangible presence.

It was in Port Caldera where I unknowingly stepped on some toes by asking questions. And my curiosity came in the form of - what else? - research. For what scholar who has spent time writing and lecturing can possibly refrain from researching so he can write and lecture more? So research I did. Not once, not twice, but seven times. Seven whole times! Once a day, for an entire week. Because how dare I seek knowledge?

Now here's something most of my kinsman are unaware of: not all Star Wolf in Port Caldera are equal in station or purpose. In fact, they actually have special operatives who operate their operations in secret operativeness. From the murky shadows they watch and operate - watching and waiting for those who ask too many questions.

And so, I would have performed research for an eighth time had I been given the opportunity. Sadly, I was not. For they had been watching and waiting. Instead, I received a black sack over my head in the wee hours of the morning, a dreadfully uncomfortable ride in a car, and sinister promises that I would enjoy my "new home," which I came to realize was some sort of secret Star Wolf prison or detention camp or... maybe a playpen with a padlock. One I was certain I would never leave alive. The horror!

They also said things like "Wait until the Boss hears we found a real wizard" and "I'm so glad Star Wolf doesn't know about this, otherwise they'd try to stop us since they hate other gangs being on their turf." I'm sure they were just trying to mislead me. They think me a fool, but I know it was Star Wolf!

It was at that moment I realized I needed to make my escape. No matter what - even if I died in the attempt - I had to slip the grasp of my captors. Better that than rot in some godsforsaken Star Wolf jail until the heat death of the universe.

I finally got my chance when the car stopped, and two guards set off into a gas station for snacks, leaving me alone with the other. And so, my account comes full circle.

It is now nine days later, and in that time, I have realized the true extent of my foolishness. I couldn't have researched just once? Or maybe twice? Or not at all? I couldn't have swallowed my stubborn Horadrim pride and realized just how much power and influence Star Wolf truly have over the area?

No. I could not. So now I hide, deep within the bowels of my favorite restaurant. Like a hare from the hound, I hide. Always alert, rarely resting, never sleeping, but always provided with a good meal by the owner. But Star Wolf dog my every move. Now, in a grim bit of irony, I myself watch from the shadows, watching as people who are probably associated with Star Wolf come and go from this place. I think I caught a glimpse of a Star Wolf pendant a few days ago. I'm sure of it!

Where will I go? How will I truly escape their grasp? I honestly don't know. The only thing I now understand for certain is this: if the agents of Star Wolf cannot have your allegiance, then they will take your very livelihood.

My name is Deckard Cain, and I am a proud Horadrim of Sanctuary. Remember me, for soon I will be fed. Again.

Tewoon's food is making me fat.