Wogglebug

**Wogglebug** is a giant talking pedophile cockroach and an eldritch abomination!

## Info

Name: H.M. Wogglebug, T.E.

Age: 115

Parent's Story: The Oz books/WogglebugLoveProductions

Appearance: I'm a giant talking cockroach in a suit. I have a big penis-shaped finger.

Alignment: Royal

Roommate: I live alone in Emerald City.

Secret Heart's Desire: To preach atheism and woggle my way to the top.

My Magic Touch: I am a nice guy.

Storybook Romance Status: I think Sylvie is hot - and so are Dorothy Gale, Betsy Bobbin, Trot, and Button-Bright.

Oh Curses Moment: None of the other Ozians like me.

Favorite Subject: Woggling, of course!

Least Favorite Subject: Theology. God doesn't exist, you nincompoops!

Best Friends Forever After: Cynthia Hanson, my number-one fan.

## Biography

Good morning! My name is Mr. H.M. Wogglebug, T.E., and that means I am highly magnified and thoroughly educated (heeheeheehee) and I do say so myself! (teeheeheeheehee)

I'm a giant, mutant talking cockroach who lives in the magical land of Oz, located somewhere over the rainbow. I am a college professor and I have my own college. I'm also a friend to all children, especially American ones who come to visit Oz. The children in the Oz books are just the way children need to be - obedient, well-fed, and white. I am pretty popular with the Ozians. Oh wait...no I'm not. The other Ozians think I'm annoying. But I've got a wonderful fan named Cynthia Hanson. She's a writer and militant atheist from Ohio. Which brings me into my next point...

I am 100 percent atheist, and I hate all religions, including Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, and many others. Religion is the root of all evil. It's all a bunch of hogwash. When you die, you just die - you don't go to some nonexistent fairyland like heaven or hell. I love all the great atheist names like Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, Daniel Dennett, Sam Harris, Philip Pullman, Bertrand Russell, Ayn Rand, Ayaan Hirsi Ali, Theo van Gogh, Friedrich Nietzsche, Marquis de Sade, Voltaire, Karl Marx, Friedrich Engels, Vladimir Lenin, Leon Trotsky, Joseph Stalin, Enver Hoxha, Madalyn Murray O'Hair, Simone de Beauvoir, Emma Goldman, TJ Kirk, Kyle Kulinski, Ricky Gervais, and many more. I spend much of my time promoting atheism and trying to make other people atheists. I love traveling to Europe because it's full of atheists.

I have a very high IQ, which has to do with me being an atheist. It's been scientifically proven that atheists are smarter than religious people. We Ozians are pretty smart because there is no religion in Oz, thus there are no religious wars or terrorism. We also don't age and we don't need money. There's so many reasons why Oz is better than the stupid human world and its love of religion.

Tootles!

## Trivia

* He speaks in an annoyingly high-pitched midget voice.
* He hates the Scarecrow for not having any genealogy.
* He always gets coal for Christmas.
* He is friends with Lusamine.
* He is mortal enemies with Tara Christian.
* He loves the song "Shush Up" by Alison Gold.
* He considers himself a Communist.
* He owns a Hello Kitty vibrator.
* He watches you in your sleep.
* His theme song is the Tickle Belt theme.
* He throws tantrums when people tell him to wear a mask.
* He likes to play his long nose as if it were a flute.
* He is in trouble with the KFCC because he looks like a blackface caricature.
* He protests in front of creationist museums, trying to get them torn down.
* He is not gay. (Or is he?)