06 - Merlin and the Gleam

We spent a few years at Vortigern's court and I often entertained the king with magic feats, even the boys Ambrosius and Uter seemed to be safe at first, but Vortigern played a double game and again sought the proximity of the Saxon kings. He sought to control both dragons and for this reason married himself once more, this time to the Saxon Hródhwyn, a daughter of their king Hengist, who was well versed in the art of sorcery and the mixing of potions and poisons, as she was a student of my old enemy Osmund. Through my uncle Colonnus, I was able to establish contact with two of my cousins, Idhoelus and Morigenius, who had found refuge on the mainland where men from Cambria and Cornovia, under the leadership of Budicius, a grandson of Cunomoriodocus, had founded a small empire called Britannia Minor in Aremorica, in northwestern Gallia. Now Budicius was related to the family of Constantinus, Ambrosius and Uter's father and so I was sure that the brothers could expect safe accommodation there. Cavarcantos, my earthen friend and servant, who at that time had already grown to great stature, brought us safely out of Vortigern's fortress one night, and with the help of my faithful spirit Biliodelvos we escaped all the hunters by safe routes, Only my mother asked to stay behind in Britain and so I found a place for her with the solitary Ones in Portus Alaunus before I embarked, supported by my cousins Idhoelus and Morigenius, with the boys Ambrosius and Uter from Portus Alaunus to Aremorica where we were hospitably received at the court of Budicius in Darioritum who took both of us into his family. I now spent my days partly at the court of Venetia, where I devoted myself to my studies of the classical philosophers and also taught Ambrosius and Uter, as far as my young age and my lack of experience in such matters allowed me to do so, and partly I roamed the kingdoms of Aremorica, which were called Venetia, Cornugallia, Domnonia, Namnetia, Pennoarbitus and Castra Pagus after the countries of origin of their founding fathers. There I was often accompanied by another young man of the same age, whom we had met on the crossing, named Mailodunus, who wanted to become a man of the Church and with whom I for the first time formed bonds of friendship with a human being, and how much different it was to walk, argue, laugh and philosophize with someone of the same age, than with an ancient spirit like Biliodelvos or the faithful but mute Cavarcantos, who now mostly remained in my leather pouch, and also my excursions with Biliodelvoss in deer form became rarer, although I was also soon known in Aremorica as the wandering magical youth of King Budicius' court and many people came to me asking for signs, miracles or help with difficult things. One of those encounters at that time was to prove to be possibly the most fatal of my life, for since those days I have always wondered how I could have acted differently and whether the course of the world and my life might not have turned out happier had I not made that decision in my youthful confusion.

In those days wild wolf packs haunted the forests of Brisca and Darunantus and together with Mailodunus I supported my cousins Idhoelus and Morigenius in the hunt and smoked out the unusually large and vicious animals in their dens. The peasants of that area reported of a mysterious virgin who was often seen with the wolves in the moonlight and even sang to the moon and took wolf form. I went alone to Brisca and swore to find the werewolf and banish her from her form. On one of these walks in the woods I met Gleivia. Gleivia, shining light she seemed to be and light filled me when she spoke to me and looked at me.Her father Esuvius was a Gaul, once a retainer of the Duke of Vangionia, who had retreated to the island of Uliarus off Aremorica's coast and her mother Sulevia had been a pagan woman from Britannia.Still her family worshipped the old gods and especially Diana-Sirona at whose holy lake Gleivia kissed me for the first time. Gleivia! I swam across the lake in the moonlight and for the first time a human being seemed not to see my ugliness, not my small, hunched figure, not my hairy face.... I told Gleivia about the knowledge of the Christians and Hebrews I had grown up with, about the classical writers and philosophers, and sang her the old songs of the Britons that my uncle Colonus had taught me. Gleivia knew such songs too! Oh, she was a disciple of the Senae, an ancient sisterhood of wise women, related to the Druids, who now lived openly as a Christian community but still preserved the ancient knowledge within. She learned from me and I from her, and our bodies enjoyed each other and the springtime of Brisca, and we both came to know each other more than I thought was ever possible between two people. Like me, Gleivia had been hunting, but she sought revenge on a warlock and his retinue who had killed members of her family, cruelly visiting them in their homes, burning mothers and newborn children alive, by the moon Gleivia had sworn to let the soul of that warlock leave his body and i shared her vow! How blind we both were...

It was not until that night at the Lake of Diana when I got out of the water and saw Gleivia singing in the moonlight until I understood. Wolves howled, not far from us, and I told Gleivia i was to protect her, but only a mild smile was her answer, not to fear her family and a pack led by a big black wolf joined peacefully at her feet and the werewolf licked my hand like a faithful dog that of his master, me who had smoked out the werewolf dens and burned his mates and children, me who was the one Gleivia was hunting. I had to confess to her and she understood and there was still no hatred between us who came from two different worlds, only sadness and despair over the mistakes and sins both our families had committed and over the thoughtless vows of revenge we had both imposed on each other. We reconciled and soon I myself took the form of a wolf and together we jaded through the woods, and when it pleased us Biliodelvos transformed us into a stag and a hind and we ran swiftly from Gleivia's hungry kinsmen.In the mirror of the lake of Diana Gleivia took my form and I hers and even so we loved each other and thought we had outwitted our oaths. At that time we swore to become husband and wife and to bind ourselves forever. Gleivia's father, who lived in a tower on Uliarus, disdained me as a work-shy, feral airhead, but he was no match for my powers and so he grew bitter over the study of his writings. The Senae were equally unkind to me, for according to their wishes Gleivia was to become one of the nine sisters who guarded the sacred island of Aballon, and that place and its secret Gleivia had revealed to me when we merged our knowledge. Aballon was a place that did not belong to the world of mortal men, our ancestors had known that this world is only a mirror of another world, and every thing that happens in this world manifests itself there in another form and vice versa, just as the feathers with which the Senae beyond covered the temple of Fortuna-Karnuntina appeared in our world as the words of poets. From certain sacred ancient places one could enter Aballon, and the nine sisters knew the ancient words and actions to invoke Barrovindos, the ferryman of Aballon, who could take a person to the other side. With the knowledge from my mind Gleivia had learned how I had built the stone hall from the dance of the giants of Sorbiodunum and surprised me in Aballon with a shining hall which she called "Rosuanda", the great "Desire", there I should live together with her after our marriage, unconcerned about suffering or death, but I was not ready, was still too young to leave the world of mortals, thought me important tasks were ahead, even if I was not clear what kind. So I hesitated to run away with her into the other world, away from both our destinies and to be free according to our own law and did not see coming what had long been announced on the horizon in images and omens for which I was blind in my love. Three whole years had passed and the enemies had long taken up the trail of the werewolves. Since pre-Christian times, the Senae had taken the form of animals and lived on the mainland both as humans and at times as transformed beings, taking human lovers and giving birth to children who succeeded them, controlling weather and storms for the benefit of the peasants, but as parts of nature also sharing in the essence of the wilderness, and it had been part of the sacrifice to the old deities for fertility and good harvests to give cattle to the Senae to tear, an old deal that people had once made with the deities when they had left this world to them and had withdrawn completely into the other. But with the advent of the new gods, the old customs had been forgotten and suppressed, the last old people who had remembered the pact with the Senae had long since died, and the new Christian world knew no place for sorceresses and werewolves.

Already the people, following my footsteps, were moving against Esuvius' tower and it was my own cousins and Mailodunus who led the army. Gleivia's father fought with his axe and the priests brought all the animals to sacrifice for blessings in battle until there were no more animals and the Senae fled into the woods. At that moment I joined Gleivia's and my magic in my mind and summoned from heaven Meldios, my kinsman from my father's clan, the spirit of lightning to turn the tide of battle. He entered between the combatants and I was able to save Gleivia's life, but her father lay dead and the tower of Uliarus was in flames.Never could Gleivia forgive me for this. There was no place left in this world for her, nor could I ever be together with her in Aballon after this.She joined in anger forever with Meldios and I sent them both to the sky world.Thus Gleivia became an immortal sky light, often I saw her on the horizon, as it were near and infinitely far, and often I went to meet her, but I knew I would not find her again in this life. In endless despair I withdrew from my cousins and also from my friend Mailodunus, gave them the illusion of a battle won and wandered back into the woods, looked into the lake of Diana-Sirona and entered the now empty wolf dens in which I lay with Gleivia.But empty? No! I heard what I thought were the sounds of wolf cubs or deer calves and found there in Gleivia's den two newborn human children. Tears came down my face as I took the children in my arms, no doubt my offspring, born without my knowledge of Gleivia as a she-wolf or a doe, which I took the mother and which I was still too young to be a good father. I named the girl Inogena and gave her to the Nine Sisters, hoping for reconciliation between Aballon and myself. I named the boy Antumnocus and gave him to the Christians, referring to the Solitary Ones and my teacher Placidus, so that Gleivia and my offspring would share in both worlds. Then I went down to the beach and walked along the sea for a long time until I found the ship of an old Phoenician merchant named Ahinadab, who had often been a guest of Gleivia's father and also of my cousins, and there I asked him to take me with him on his voyage, leaving my fate to the sea.