Episode 40: The JO Zone

https://globehell.libsyn.com/

## Episode Summary

A lot of people have been talking about jacking off and its benefits. Does God like it or does he get mad when you do it? Will you die if you do it too much. These are the questions we need to ask and figure out if we can jack off in the future.

## Notable Events

* This is the first episode of The JO Zone, which is a podcast dedicated to talking about health, the health of the cock, and the shaft of the dick and its hole, as well as giving tips on how to masturbate, how to jack off, and how to keep your body in tip-top shape to ensure that you cum every time you jack off.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "How To Make A Kickass First Impression | 5 First Impression Tips" about how to make a great first impression on someone and trick them into trusting you.
* Josiah and Drew revealed what they were wearing during the recording of this episode. Drew was wearing a Globe Hell Warning long-sleeved shirt, some very skinny denim jeans pants with pockets full of different things to obscure any people trying to look at his crotch (including different wires running down his leg like in a marionette system). Josiah revealed that he was wearing the same thing.
* Josiah and Drew practiced complimenting each other without saying 'like' or 'um' or mumbling.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "10 What does jerking off mean?" about what jerking off means and whether the term applies to people with a vulva.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "What does jerk-off mean?" about what jerk-off means and how it's bad.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Is Masturbation Good For You?" about whether masturbation is good for you.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Is Masturbation GOOD or BAD for You?" about whether masturbation is good for you.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "How To Actually Masturbate" about how to masturbate correctly.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Stifler Funny Jack Off In Clinic Scene" about a man having his prostate milked.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "The Best of Stifler" about a man named Stifler out of *American Pie*.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video about how the good news is: there is no specific number you can set for masturbation sessions until it doesn't harm your daily acitivities.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "🍌 Warning: Masturbation Shrinks Your Penis - by Dr Sam Robbins" about how masturbation shrinks your penis.
* Josiah and Drew revealed that if they start receiving $30,000 per month on Globe Hell Warning Patreon, then Drew will masturbate seven times a day onto the Patreon page.

## Notable Quotes

### Josiah

* "You know us and you love us and we've talked til we're blue in the face about politics, and we're blue somewhere else, too, in the old uh scrotum. And that's why we've decided that from now on, we're gonna dedicate ourselves to uh health, uh cock - the health of the cock, and the um and the shaft of the dick and its hole."
* "Jo- you know, people jo- here's a little kind of tagline I just thought of: instead of 'just the tip', a sort of a cock penis thing when people say 'just the tip', um 'just the tips' is what you'll get on our new show The JO Zone. The Jack Off Zone uh Podcast Show The Jack Off Zone. So welcome to The Jack Off Zone, welcome to the beginning of the rest of your life, and I hope that you're prepared to just blast uh ropes of cum everywhere."
* "I don't really know much about jacking off yet. Let's just worry about that first impression. Trick people into trusting us."
* "Once we get over the first impression, we can get back to our slovenly ways, I think."
* "We could all be a little daintier, and I think that what would help is just kind of getting all of the sperm out of ourselves."
* "Are we gonna be jacking off the whole time we talk? Have - we haven't talked about it yet."
* "[On the topic of not jacking off during the recording of this episode] All right, I'll release - I'll loosen my grip on my schlong. Gonna miss ya, little buddy. Talk to ya soon."
* "[In response to Drew describing the position his body is contorted in for the recording of this episode] You're telling me, as you describe this, I'm not allowed to be goin to town?"
* "[On the topic of masturbating] So I didn't realize this was a sex thing."
* "That's how you were created! Your grandpa and your mom masturbated into each other."
* "[On the topic of why his hair has been turning grey] No, it turns grey from the cum going into it, I think."
* "I'm just really stressed about this. I'm just really stressed about this episode and I just feel kinda jittery and like all like riled up and tight and I just wanna like mash something together. I just feel this fuckin unghhhhhh..... I feel really tired from some - and - and sticky."
* "Just the tips."
* "\*Whispering\* Drew, I have a quick question. Do we have some sort of ad that we're - we can put in, sort of seamlessly into the middle of the episode that turns into kind of a seamless it seems like we can just do the ad about uh cock uh enhance pill -ment pills, or some sort of smoothie that makes your cum bigger?"
* "[Continuing his idea about reading an ad in the middle of episodes of The JO Zone] \*Whispering\* But like for - if we keep doing The JO Zone, we can turn it - we can start doing this kind of stuff and like halfway into an episode we can start saying, 'Oh, my cum is too much - too hot! I need a cum coolant!' And then we'll say, 'Go to cumcoolant.org, sign up and a doctor will send you a cum coolant and make your cum cooler'."
* "What about like a - there's like face paint that people get, what if we got like vein paint and you could sort of draw a cool pattern on the veins on your uh on your penis?"
* "Okay so we've heard what the elf says, he wants us to go buy Rom- go to Roman - Roman erectile, I'm just searching it to make sure that it's real, we don't want to put fake news on here, Roman erectile defunction uh well in Canada, it - the ad sends me to jack.health uh jackhealth is the name of this company uh jackhealth, it can help with erectile dysfunction, premier ejacula- premature ejaculat- let's turn your premature ejaculation into a premier ejaculation! Uh is what I say. And so let's d- go to jack.health and use the code DREW and that'll sort of send you into the nasty secret site for the nastiest products for your pecker and your ballsack. And jack.health. It's a real site. K?"
* "Before we get into it, I'll just be honest with you. When I uh choose to indulge myself with a simulated home-fucking routine, which is what I call it, what I do is I take my left hand and I sort of put it into a circle, like almost like a fist but a open fist, and then I take my other hand and take my index finger and point and just kind of 'ftt ftt ftt ftt ftt ftt ftt ftt' quickly in-and-out from one hand to another, and honestly it feels pretty good but I've nev- that's why I've just never understood the appeal, like it doesn't really do an- much. After a while, my hands just get tired and my finger hurts uh but, I mean, I feel like people have described some experience that I've never really felt from doing that, putting my index finger into my left hand."
* "[In response to Drew asking how long it takes him to cum from his described jacking off routine] Well cum where? I put my uh I mean, usually I'm at home so I don't really - I'm just at home sitting at my desk or, you know, in the shower, and I take my left hand and I sort of create a circle with it and then I take my right hand and um point out my index finger and just quickly an in-and-out motion kind of on repeat uh really build the fric - I heard that it's friction is part of it, uh but nothing, I mean that's - it just kind of ends, you know, I guess you - I would say I usually *go* after a while. I don't really cum anywhere, I *go* out of the room. And kind of do other things."
* "Well, I think, no offense but the way that this man is sitting right now, uh I think that he is some sort of a fuck freak, and so I'd like to hear what he has to say first."
* "[In response to Drew describing his jack off routine as making a circle with his left hand and then taking his other hand and pushing his finger through it] Yeah, that's familiar. That's masturbating!"
* "[In response to hearing someone in a video talking about masturbation being a sex thing] Why is it a sex thing? It's a finger thing!"
* "It'd be cool to jerk off his head."
* "I saw someone else say you need to switch it up, too, so maybe instead of putting your index finger in that circle, make - put your middle finger in there. It's a bit nasty, but - to do the middle finger, but..."
* "But the good news is: there is no specific number you can set for masturbation sessions until it doesn't - the good news is: there is no specific number you can set for masturbation sessions until it doesn't harm your dail- but the good news is that - let me just get out the full sentence. But the good news is: there is no specific number you can set for masturbation sessions until it doesn't harm your daily activities."
* "[On the topic of masturbation making your penis shrink] Cause after it - the cum comes out, it goes smaller and f- and not hard after. Right?"
* "Cute dogs jack off their cocks."
* "Whoa the dick looks like Twizzlers!"
* "You can most certainly grow your penis and, at the same time, shrink it."
* "I wanna see the tiny penis."
* "I'd like to watch him jerk off, actually."
* "And speaking of which, I think maybe if we reach a certain goal of - on our Patreon, uh Drew will jack off on Patreon."
* "So, I mean, what have we learned today, I guess is how we need to close this out? I've learned that uh you need to uh sort of become more Australian and lay back on your bed and stroke your bottom of your feet before you do the two-hand uh tunnel method of masturbating. Apparently it'll be better than what I've been doing, I mean, it's mostly very hurt- it huts my fingers a lot and I don't like it. But I'll try the new way."
* "[Speaking to his grandfather] Sir, I respect you, I look up to you, you've achieved so much, and you've - I mean, I literally wouldn't exist without you, sir, and I appreciate you and what you've done and I know you're a quiet, more stoic man because of generational differences and you've lived through so m- you've seen so much atrocities, and I really do think, sir, that we could bond if you will just tell me what you do when you're yanking on your pecker to make all the splurts come out. And what can I do to make it like yours?"
* "[Speaking to his grandfather] Where do you bust? Do you have Kleenex close by? Did you used to bust back on - I mean, especially back then, maybe the Kleenex wasn't as readily available? Did you use a cloth? Did you use a hanky? Did you do it onto a scroll and then the scroll could never be unspooled again?"
* "I just noticed we've asked our grandf- why isn't - why isn't he responding? Grandpa. Grandpa, are you - can you tell me about your jack off - your jacking off, grandpa? Gramps? Grandpa, what is going on? Grandpa! You're not responding, grandpa! Please! Please, this can't happen. We've lost too much this year, please! Stay with me! He's gone."
* "[In response to Drew's question about whether his grandpa left him any jacking off tips before he passed] Just the tip."

### Drew

* "We're gonna be giving tips on how to masturbate, how to jack off, we're gonna be giving tips on what you can do to keep your body tip-top shape and make sure you're cummin every time that you go to the bathroom uh to do that. Or wherever you wanna do that, if you do it -"
* "[On the topic of making a really good first impression] That's great, I make awful first impressions, Josiah, so this is something that I need to learn about."
* "Does jacking off help you make sales?"
* "[On the topic of the YouTube content creator 'alpha m.' talking and seeming like an elf] He's an 'elfa' male."
* "This is the first time that I respect you, Josiah."
* "I wanna become an elfa male. I wanna become shorter, I need to become daintier."
* "[In response to Josiah's question about whether they would be jacking off the whole time they talk during this episode because it is The JO Zone] I'm not planning on doing it. I think this is something we need to be intellectually present for, and not get caught up in the passions, the erotic thrill of rubbing your pecker red."
	+ Note: It was revealed in Episode 39: WEATHER that Drew insists on having a podium during the recording of each episode so he can jack off while he debates with Josiah. His statement here suggests that he will forego his usual predilection to better focus on his performance in this episode, though it's possible it was simply a canonical inconsistency on Drew's part.
* "[On the topic of not jacking off during the recording of this episode] I should tell you that I'm - I'm recording this - I'm laying face-down on the ground. So there is pressure down there, so if you do wanna keep pressure applied to your penis throughout the entire episode, I think that would be fair."
* "[In response to Josiah clarifying that he is not allowed to go to town on himself due to Drew describing the position his body is contorted in for the recording of this episode] I mean, if you need to! You need to do what you need to do! I'm not gonna tell you what to do, because this is - that's one of the problems with Globe Hell is that we didn't trust each other enough, and we didn't uhh allow one another to just do our thing, and that's why we had to kinda put that behind us and start a new uh page and start talkin about jacking off and men's health. So I think you should do whatever you want, and if part of that is jacking off to the picture of me laying down and talking into the Blue Yeti, then I think that's what you gotta do."
* "There's a lot of names for it: jacking off, jerking off, janking off, jorking off, Josiahing off. Yeah. But it all comes down to being essentially the same thing: spankin the monkey. I'm talkin about masturbation, the big M. Let's learn a little bit about it. Video unavailable. That's all right."
* "[On the topic of putting on some music when you masturbate] Well, yeah, you have to set a mood. You can't just start, you know, with jacking off. You have to get the mood going, you have to light some candles, have a meal - have a big meal."
* "[In response to Josiah saying he didn't know jacking off was a sex thing] Well what did you think it was? Did you think it was peeing - like peeing or pooing?"
* "[In response to Josiah saying he had thought jacking off was like scratching an itch or blowing your nose] Well yeah yeah, you're suppo- it's supposed to be sexy. You're supposed to make it sexy and you're supposed to feel sexy when you're doing it. That's what masturbating's all about. Is learning how to be a good partner and learning how to uh, you know, clean up and cook dinner and uh stroke yourself to completion? These are all things that make you a better person, better man, better uh lover, make you healthier, Josiah. So if you're just thinking about it in terms of scratching an itch, you're looking only at some physiological effect and not the entire emotional package. Does that make sense?"
* "My grandpa didn't jack off. Come on. He's too old."
* "Maybe that's why your hair has been turning grey, Josiah. You haven't been jacking off enough."
* "Ejaculation control is how far you can shoot it. And how - with how much pressure and velocity."
* "[In response to Josiah's question about whether it's good to shoot cum far with pressure and velocity] Yeah, you have to let it splat."
* "[In response to Josiah's idea about making vein paint to draw cool patterns on the veins on your penis] Yeah, or if - or you could make like um a helmet um with - that had needles inside of it and when you put it on, the needles would press through your skull and into the brain and it would give you the pleasure of an orgasm. Whenever you wanted it."
* "[In response to Josiah describing his jack off routine, which involves putting his right index finger into his left open fist over and over] Well how long does it take for you to cum? Doing this."
* "Well here's how I do it. I take my left hand and I make a circle. And then I take my other hand and I push my finger through it - I don't know if you can hear it, just like that 'ftt ftt', create friction like that for about 30 seconds, then I get \*with a weakened, straining voice\* then I get - then I get real faint, I get real - it feels really good, and I unghhh ungh and..... unghhhhhhhh ehh and by the t-, you know, after that, I'm done!"
* "It is sexy to jack off."
* "[On the topic of switching up your jacking off routine by putting your middle finger in the hand circle instead of your index finger] Well that - yeah that's - you don't need to be doing that, I don't think. And y- then if you go to give somebody the middle finger, they'll see you've been rubbing it raw. They'll say, 'Oh, you've switched your style up!'."
* "I mean, the good news is: there is no specific number you can set for masturbation sessions until it doesn't harm your daily activities."
* "[On the topic of masturbation making your penis shrink] But also because if you're rubbing your hand all over it, think of all the skin that's comin off of it. So you're probably - yeah, you're removing layers of skin."
* "[On the topic of how everyone masturbates] Even cute dogs do it!"
* "[In response to Josiah saying he wants to see the tiny penis] Ha ha take a look in the mirror."
* "I think one of the things that I learned is that uh masturbating and jacking off isn't something that you should be ashamed of, and I think that there's a growing change, uh a growing sense that it's something that you don't necessarily have to be proud of but you should definitely flaunt, uh talk to your parents about it, talk to your family, tell em that you're -"
* "It'd be interesting to s- you know, talk to your grandfather, say, 'Um sir, I just - I - sir, I have learned the Stranger technique, do you know any other interesting ways to jack off?'"
* "[Speaking to his grandfather] Sir, have you uh ever gone to the kitchen and got a Ziploc bag and fill it up with different condiments uh to make a real s- uh just a real squishy sort of substance, take it back to your bedroom, stick it between the box spring, and go to town on that for a little while?"

## Trivia

* This is the first episode of Globe Hell Warning that is not actually an episode of *Globe Hell Warning*, but rather *The JO Zone*.
* This is the fourth main episode to not propose a new Globe Hell idea, after Bus, Episode 27: Why Do I Have Blue Eyes?, and Episode 30: The Stock Market Explained.