Holiday Virgin

**Ridley**: What do you mean it's not legal to char someone to ashes? I don't follow.

**Zelda**: ...Exactly what I said? It's highly illegal.

**Ridley**: Who signed this into effect? Where's the law?

**Akira**: I have a copy right here if you'd like to read it.

**Ridley**: Pass.

**Peach**: Is this really something we should discuss on Christmas eve?

**Ridley**: What, would you rather us talk about what kind of gifts we bought each other?

**Simon**: That does seem more in-line with the holiday, yes.

**Pearl**: Buying gifts? Isn't Santa the one who brings gifts?

**Ridley**: Oh, I see someone is still a holiday virgin.

**Zelda**: Please never call her a "holiday virgin" ever again. Or anyone else for that matter.

**Pearl**: I don't understand... why are we wasting our money on presents?

**Wolf**: That's a question I've been asking myself for years.

**Ridley**: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Santa isn't real.

**Pearl**: W... what... what did you just say?

**Ruby**: Pearl, don't listen to him! Santa is real!

**Wolf**: He's just dead.

**Zelda**: WOLF!

**Wolf**: She was gonna find out sooner or later.

**Ruby**: Well thanks to you two I now have a bawling seven-year-old in my hands. Thanks a lot.

**Ruby**: And Ridley, call my Pearl that again and I will... well I won't say since there's children that use this chatroom.

**Ridley**: Pussy.

**King K. Rool**: I think I have a cyst growing on my back.

**King K. Rool**: Oh! Christmas talk!

**Mario**: That's disgusting.

**Mario**: Also why aren't all of you down here helping decorating the Christmas tree? We need all the help we can get!

**Ridley**: We're decorating the tree?

**Mario**: Did you not see the pinned message?

**Ridley**: I may have accidentally blatantly ignored it.

**King Dedede**: I hate when that happens. I can't tell you how many times I've accidentally blatantly ignored my subjects back home.

**King K. Rool**: A serious problem indeed.

**Ruby**: Pearl has calmed down a bit now.

**Peach**: That's good to hear. I hope Christmas hasn't been ruined for her.

**Ruby**: I don't think it has.

**Banjo**: Does anyone know where the rest of the tree ornaments are?

**Kazooie**: And who made Pearl start crying so loud? Almost made me go deaf!

**Ridley**: I for one take great pleasure in making children cry their eyes out.

**Kazooie**: Also, holiday virgin is not something I wanted to read.

**Luminary**: There's a big box of them in the basement, Banjo.

**Banjo**: Thanks!

**Luminary**: Peculiar. This snow globe seems to have a defect.

**Peach**: What's wrong with it?

**Luminary**: Well according to what I read about Christmas, the Santa Claus of legend has 10 reindeer to pull his sleigh. However, this one has an eleventh, and its nose was mistakenly painted red.

**Eight**: Do you think we can sell it online?

**Erdrick**: I hear there's a demographic for antiques with defects like that.

**Captain Falcon**: That's just Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

**Captain Falcon**: Wait... don't tell me you've never heard of Rudolph before.

**Luminary**: Ru... who? Is this another Christmas legend?

**Wolf**: Why did I not see this coming?

**Captain Falcon**: Oh you three are in for a treat! It's one of the classic Christmas films! We have it in the movie room, meet me there!

**Zelda**: Well, at least everyone seems to be getting into the Christmas spirit.

**Banjo**: I found more ornaments!

**King Dedede**: Bring them all upstairs. We're only halfway done with decorating the tree!

**Mario**: We just started, we haven't even gotten one fifth of the way up yet.

**King Dedede**: I never learned basic arithmetic.

**Sephiroth**: The king of Dream Land, everyone.

**Kazooie**: This is the first time you come in chat, and it's just to make fun of Dedede.

**Sephiroth**: I live for the simple pleasures in life.

**Twilight Sparkle**: I just woke up and saw the pinned message. How far ahead in decorating the tree are we?

**Banjo**: We only started.

**Twilight Sparkle**: Excellent! I'll be down soon!

**Spike**: Ugh, don't invite Twilight. Every time we set up a tree back in Ponyville the ornaments have to be the EXACT same amount of millimeters apart.

**Twilight Sparkle**: A tree needs to be properly organized to look its best!

**Isabelle**: Any help for decorating is highly appreciated!

**Akira**: Hey, did we ever get a star for the top?

**King Dedede**: Oh, leave it to me! I got a master's degree in Christmas-Star-Finder -And-Placer in college!

**Akira**: That's oddly specific.

**Meta Knight**: We have all sorts of classes like that in Dream Land. Our people are spirited, but they're not very bright.

**Erdrick**: HOW COULD THEY CAST OUT POOR RUDOLPH LIKE THAT!?

**Wolf**: Because he's literally deformed.

**Eight**: AND THE COACH! HE SHOULD KNOW BETTER THAN TO MAKE FUN OF A CHILD FOR SOMETHING HE CAN'T CONTROL!

**Luminary**: I SAY WE GO ON A CRUSADE, COMRADES! WE MUST GO TO THE NORTH POLE AND SLAY ALL THE REINDEER!

**Ridley**: Falcon, get your triplets to calm down.

**Captain Falcon**: I'm trying to! They're just not used to emotionally-riveting stories like this.

**Mario**: PETEY JUST BROUGHT IN A GIANT ALUMINUM TREE!

**Zelda**: I... what?

**Isabelle**: Where did he find that!? And how did he even get it in here!?

**King Boo**: It was 50% off. So we got it just because.

**Ruby**: I don't think we need two Christmas trees in the foyer.

**King Boo**: Well, backyard it is then. I'm sure we'll get around to stringing lights on it or something.

**Lilac**: Is that crash I heard what I think it was?

**Kazooie**: Yup. The dipshit threw it out the window.

**Mewtwo**: You know. The usual.

**Wolf**: Well that's just great. It's gonna take a month to fix that.

**King Boo**: Well, we'll leave that to you. I'm gonna see if we still have any Christmas cookies in the dining room.

**Simon**: It's getting mighty cold in here with that big hole in the wall. How are we going to fix that?

**Ridley**: Glad I decided to skip out on decorating.

**Solo**: I just read up. Why are Luminary, Erdrick, and Eight going so ravenous over this Rudolph character?

**King K. Rool**: Because Rudolph is Japanese for chicken broth, where "Rud" means "chicken" and "olph" means "broth".

**Min Min**: I am not even going to begin to describe how wrong that is.

**Mario**: Hey, Steve and Alex patched up the hole with blocks. That ought to keep us warm until we can fix it.

**Twilight Sparkle**: OK, this decorating is atrocious. Good thing I'm here, otherwise you would all end up with a shameful-looking tree.

**Banjo**: It doesn't look that bad.

**Spike**: And now you've opened pandora's box. Congrats, guys.

**King Dedede**: I found a star! Well... really I just stole it from one of those trees they have at the store. Think anyone will mind?

**Isabelle**: Dedede! You should know better than stealing!

**King Dedede**: It's not stealing, it's borrowing without permission and never returning it. Learn the difference.

**Milla**: The Christmas tree is looking great everyone! I can see it from the stairs! Santa is going to be so pleased when he comes to bring presents.

**Ridley**: Ah, another holiday virgin.

**Lilac**: Do I even want to know what that is?

**Ruby**: No you do not.