Health Land

**Health Land** is located to the north of Nacird, south of Doster, west of Judases, and east of Granter. It is famous for its abnormally large number of abandoned hospitals, as well as also being the only state in the union to not have placed a ban on the infamous Gigeggie's Eggies restaurant franchise. According to polls, a substantial fraction of tourists flock to the state just to try their 'unusual' menu. Health Land is notable for having an obesity rate of 99.6% (Aug 2022), the highest of any state. While the state's population makes up a mere 0.45% of the U.S. population, it makes up 20% of the U.S. cumulative human mass. The state capital is Neville.

In 2021-2023, Health Land made up the majority of *Mr.Kitty* listeners (Nielsen Analytics). It also has the fewest number of hospitals per capita. All remaining hospitals have been slated for decommission, being entirely unfunded and scheduled to be demolished within the next several years. Only 2.3% of residents have access to any form of health care. The state is ranked in the bottom 0.5% of the U.S. in terms of its public water quality and safety.

## Gigeggie's Eggies

Gigeggie's Eggies is a fast-food hamburger restaurant chain native to Health Land, sporting 153 locations (as of October 2016) throughout the entire state. Since the *Affordable Eating of America* clause was ratified in Health Land in 1896, McDonald's was banned indefinitely for acts against the interests of the state, due to their overly healthy and expensive food.

"Cheaper Than Food" was the slogan that gave rise to the now-renowned Gigeggie's Eggies, presently ranked as the #1 most-popular restaurant franchise in the state. When the McDonalds empire fell, the up-and-coming fast-food joint swiftly filled the void left in its wake. Eldrickson "Gigeggie" Glaponsky, the company's founder, immediately found himself a multibillionaire, and retired to a 150-acre ranch in the state capital, Neville.

Since the passing of Health Land's mandatory 10,000 mg daily sodium consumption law, Gigeggie's Eggies popularity has soared to new heights, quadrupling their number of locations in just 3 months after the law went into effect. Since then, most neighborhoods have at least one restaurant, so you're always within range of a quick "Eggie Burger" whenever you feel a hankerin'.

Gigeggie's Eggies was involved in a federal lawsuit (*Gigeggie's Eggies v. United States of America,* 2002) over safety concerns regarding their Raw Chicken Burger. The product in question was eventually limited to being sold at only select locations.

## Friendly Burger, LLC

Friendly Burger is a family-style burger restaurant franchise, based out of Martin, Health Land, with locations in seven states. Their slogan is "Serving Crispy Burgers and Crusty Smiles." They have not served water since 1997, as part of cost-saving measures taken to prevent bankruptcy in the 1996 Health Land Depression. However, the popularity of this decision has led them to outright ban the liquid from the premises of all 294 locations.

## Family Burger

Family Burger is a novelty theme restaurant native to Health Land. It is notable for its mascots and singing wait staff.

## Crappy Burger

Crappy Burger is a hamburger stand franchise featuring locations across the state of Health Land. The founder, Thomas Crappy, envisioned a casual dining experience where patrons could get a delicious meal anywhere they happen to find themselves in Health Land. Since the Crappy Burger Bombings of 2009, the restaurants have seen a decline in revenue and have started closing their less profitable locations in Neville and other large cities.

### The Crappy Burger Bombings of 2009

In March 2009, a series of explosions occurred at various Crappy Burger locations throughout major cities in Health Land. There were 19 confirmed casualties.

## Owl Dogs

"Owl Dogs" is a hot-dog stand "franchise" owned and operated by the state's AROD department. Sausages are made on-site, using fresh owl meat obtained by AROD officers. Most owls euthanized by AROD are turned into sausages and sold at Owl Dogs stands. All proceeds go to the state government.

Owl Dogs stands are most common in areas that border wilderness, and less-developed areas, as these are the places with the highest concentration of Bulgarianus.

The sausages are said to act as an aphrodisiac. However, there are no known scientific studies on the subject, so the claim cannot be confirmed.