List of Headgum Recipes

Headgum has produced dozens of dishes and recipes. From Jake and Amir to Off Days and into the crevices of a sponge cake, here are all of the fictional foodstuffs in the greater Headgum biosphere.

## Geoffrey the Dumbass

* Fig Newton Gingriches
* Improbable burger
* Wine (Blood)

## Off Days

### Snacks

* Corn Chomps
* Tomato Pancakes
* Vanilla-garlic spheres
* Frail mix
* Bagels and lockets
* Tan sandies
* Hot logs
* Flax rhombi
* Dry yeast
* Dough-ritos (just dough)
* One bean

### Snacks 2

* Anti-cherry (an example of anti-foam)
* Anti-corn (an example of anti-foam)
* Anti-foam (anything hard like anti-cherries and anti-corn)
* Breats (breaded Mini Wheats (bread stuffed with anti-foam (anything hard like anti-cherries and anti-corn)))
* Frosted Skinny Boats Sand Air Jordan Sneakers Lunch Cakes Duck Tales Hash
* Candied Yammed
* Covfefe
* The movement of a dog's leg twitching (with parmesan)

### Snacks 3

* Draisin (drunk raisin/a raisin left soaking in wine)
* Wine (Rum)
* Sour Patches of Goats (sour milk poured of toasted roasts/expired dairy on a bird)
* Pop-farts (when you eat a lot of Pop-tarts and burp)
* Linen Candy (cotton candy but breathable)
* Scrambled Dreggs (eggshell in a hash/hat)
* Big Skinny Nutter Butter Bites: Mini (in a hat)
* My Dad's Jeep Jerky
* Sushi OmakasME
* Nova Padlox
* Egg Scream (Egg Cream but instead of the actual food you just shake a chicken until an egg falls out)
* Chicken Shake (when you shake a chicken and an egg falls out)
* Buffalo Paul-iflower (when you train a bison to maul Paul Elias Flower (Amir's friend))
* Spaghetti Squash.0 (Zoodles (Zucchini Noodles) that comment on viral trends of the week every Wednesday night on Comedy Central)
* Lemon Zestimate (when Zillow guesses the value of your fruit)
* Cologne Germany (Bratwurst dipped in polo blue aftershave)
* Croak Monsour (when a married French man dies)
* Typecast Iron Skillet Cookie
* Chicken Stock Footage (royalty free broth)
* Yabishno (an Oreo Maxi-pad (for that time of the CRUNCH))
* White Zit-fandel (kinda like Pus Rum (Wine (Rum)))
* 69 Hash (pan-fried breakfast potatoes with nocturnal emissions)
* Phlegmentines (when you're sick and need Vitamin C (anti-foam (anything hard like anti-cherries and anti-corn)) from a Cutie)

### Snacks 4

* Tira-MISS YOU (only for if you're missing an Italian loved one)
* Fruit by the Soot (gelatin rope bred from a fireplace)
* Randy (red candy)
* Spa-Cedi (noodles prepared by Cedi Osman)
* Cheery Os (orgasms that bring a lot of joy)
* Pants on my Hog (rice but you're wearing dockers as an app in a hat)
* BLT (bees' lettuce and tomato on rye/rice in a hat)
* Settlement Corn (Kettle corn but you never went to court)
* Bam Margerine (jelly for skater boys)
* Prop Corn (Maize that might've been on the set of Avatar)
* Dried Rice (Fried Rice that's been iced and driesed)
* Butter Chicken (a rooster who's sexy other than the face)
* Macauliflower Culkin (Home Alone but Gluten-free)
* Things from the Sea and Rice (Sushi)
* Feer (beer but you get scared instead of drunk)
* Beef Cold Shoulder (Brisket that won't return your calls)
* Rain-Dampened Tomatoes
* Raw-men (a dude who can be vunerable with you)
* Raspoutine (Canadian fries with an alluring demeanor)
* Braille Mix (Trail Mix with a message)
* Drexler's Pretzlers
* Hanger on by a Thread Steak
* Meatball Snub (the wrong order)
* Sock (myself in the) eye Salmon
* bbq (bring back Quantico)
* Hoast (horse toast)
* Credible Arrangement (fruit you can trust)
* Sourdough Non-Starter (yeast but it's not even the beginning of a negotiation)
* Sour No (bitter but nothing at all)
* Gum's the Word (you can chew it but keep it on the down-low)
* LOX news (right-wing deli fare)
* Pumperdime (Pumpernickel but two of them)
* Bananas Foster (they've gone family to family for years)
* Fewcumbers (not that many pickles)
* Broccoli Rob Huebel (you can improvise but with a stock)
* Asymptomatic-toc
* Geam

### Snacks 5

* Ritz Carlton Crackers (hotel keycards with cheese)
* HorHors (HoHos but with REAL cum)
* Gogene Brunch??????????????????????????????????????????????????????? (idk im scared)
* Reese's Scruffs (peanut butter choclolate SHAVINGS)
* Flamin' Hot Cheaters (chips made out of gay adulterers)
* French Bunion Soup (the leftover water from when Cyril Abiteboul got a pedicure once)
* Gisele Bündchen Crünch (the cereal you eat while getting/dating/eating a Brazilian)
* Cottage Core Cheese (eating curds out of a sundress)
* G-string Cheese (mozzarella that's spent a day in somebody's ass crack)
* Circumcised Foreskin

### Snacks 6

* Egg Chokes (an egg yolk and an artichoke heart fused together to choke on)
* Multiple O's: Sexual Brand
* Sandbitches (a hoagie made out of a... I hate to say it but... WHORE)
* Aperol Spits
* Drunchables (a boxed kit lunch with moonshine, why?)
* Asian Goat Cheese
* Ballgagi Beef (tender strips of Korean barbeque that are meant to look like a leather strap)
* Dulce De Retche (Caramel that makes you hurl)
* Unleaded Bread (rye without the rust)
* Jackie O's-O's-O's (an o shaped cereal that looks the way Jackie Onassis's orgasms sound)
* Plenty of Fish
* Live Earth (real dirt)
* Quarantinis (martinis made in March 2020)
* Quentin Tarantinis (Quaranitinis made by Quentin Tarantino)
* Plebian J (a common jelly sandwich)
* Gran Nola (Amir's Grandmother in the French Corner)
* Don't Believe Me iwatch
* Beef Jerkoff (a veiny meaty thing with a side of white cream sauce or something)
* Ziplochness Monster
* Roald Dal (reading Matilda in a lentil in a hat)
* Post-Raisal Drip (a raisin that just got finished sneezing and can still taste in the back of its throat)
* Edamommy Issues (suck on these soybeans like knockers)
* Blackened Crow
* Chinese Shipwreck

## The Headgum Podcast

### Loose Rice

* Seared citrus scallion soy salmon (with sides)
* Burnt rice

## Review Revue

* Worm bomb
* Boy style hotdog

## Scrapped

### Snacks 4 Writing Session

* Boreos (Boring Oreos)
* Chick Peace (putting female friendships above the patriarchy)
* Right Wing Nuts
* Cock on Vine
* Cock in Wine
* Rurger (raw burger)
* Harvey Milk of Magnesia
* A Yeasty Boy
* Geamer
* Hamana (Banana but Bacon)
* Blanket Statements
* Billy Goat Gruffs
* Maple Smoked Saws Edges
* Hickory Smoked Blunts
* Cofish-19
* Slacks (snacks in a Slack channel)
* Bold Fashion (Long Island Iced Tea with whey)
* Miller Low Life (a cheap beer for the worst of us)
* New York Strip Tease Steak (a hunk of meat that shows a little skin)
* Daniel Day Calendar
* Frackers (Wheat Thins but worse for the environment)
* Pan(demic)cakes
* Jersey Trikes
* Moon Chips
* Milk and Honey (the book)
* Poorly Timed Yolks
* Werther's Unoriginals
* Cough-fe
* Long Island Medium Iced Tea
* Werner Herzog's Originals
* Chicken Perm
* Hero
* Funneled Cake
* Kit Dogs
* Timothee Cha-Lo Mein Noodles
* A Dry Martini (an empty cocktail)
* Forrest Gum
* Mr. Bean and Rice Burrito
* Ham-boni
* Glad-See-U
* Quaranbean (a single bean that you eat over zoom)
* Shark Finn Wolfhardt Soup
* Honduran Fries (French Fries but smaller)
* Rambling Ham
* Old Fashioned (I'll have a drink with you on the first date but I'm not taking you upstairs)
* Peanut Butter and Jays
* A-spare-a-gas
* Peanut Blubber Cup
* Coffee (toffee with a cough)
* THIS LIST IS INCOMPLETE, I GOT BORED

1. ↑ Submitted by PedroMagnanimo
2. ↑ Flameb97films
3. ↑ Submitted by Khanis1
4. ↑ Submitted by JayG 747
5. ↑ Submitted by Michael Madsen
6. ↑ Submitted by Novenae
7. ↑ Submitted by Noah Cohen
8. ↑ Submitted by Carter Watson
9. ↑ Submitted by PedroMagnanimo
10. ↑ Sumbitted by Lily Casey
11. ↑ Submitted by Francisd
12. ↑ Submitted by Hugh
13. ↑ Submitted by Diaper Money
14. ↑ Submitted by Darian
15. ↑ Submitted by devirkahan
16. ↑ Submitted by Gregory Charles Shue