Far From Normal/Transcript

**This is a transcribed version of the episode Far From Normal.**

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(Editor's note: PLEASE edit the transcript to match what is happening with the episode. Current state is just subtitles.

## Transcript

[Hunter Screams]

Willow: Honey, are you okay?

Hunter: Yeah! Yeah! I’m okay!

Amity: Wow Hunter, isn’t this the 12th time

Willow has caught you from falling?

Hunter: I- No it isn’t!!

Amity: Hmmm, I beg to differ.

Amity: Oh ho ho ho! I am SO winning this bet! Batata, get ready to lose!

Luz: Aww man…

[Hunter sighs]

Hunter: Titan give me strength the day you ACTUALLY become my step sister…

Gus: Hey guys! I finally have the perfect plan forrrr.. The Boiling Isles Independence Play! Get it? Because play rhymes with day?

Gus: [sighs] It’s a working title.... Step 1, plan out the step by step checklist to make the most amazing Boiling Isles Independence Play ever!

Step 2, codirect with Lilith and plan out the play while the set is being built!

Step 3, play goes off without a hitch... and Step 4, make boiling isles history and have my handsome face plastered on every crystal ball on the isles! Nothing can go wrong!

Amity: Are you sure you want to work with Lilith?

Gus: Yeahhhhh? Why?

Amity: Well, based off of my experiences, she can go a bit overboard on projects like these.

Luz: She sure can be passionate about stuff regarding Boiling Isles history…. She might get a little carried away.

Gus: Nonsense, this is just a simple fun play about the death of Emperor Belos. There shouldn’t be any reason for feathered ruffles.

Luz: it’s uh- ruffled feathers.

Gus: Exactly! Plus Lilith is also known for being super organized, right?

Luz: You got me there Gustonomo. Well either way, You’re gonna make the Boiling Isles fall to their knees with how good this play is!

[Hunter screams and falls]

Willow: Oh my gosh, Hunter! Are you okay???

Luz: Ah ah ah! Willow didn’t catch him this time.

Eda: How’s the play float coming along kids?

Luz: Great actually! Except that Hunter fell…twice.

[pigeon coo]

Hunter (in love) : I-I’m good…

Eda: Hey, have any of you seen Lily?

Lilith: Over here! Sorry, I was just busy preparing things for the play Augustus and I are planning out! Ooo! I can’t wait to direct such a historical piece of theatre!

Eda, (skeptically): So you’re codirecting with my sister?

Gus: Yup!

[Eda laughs]

Eda: Good luck with that.

Gus: Oh come on! Why is everyone saying that?!

Eda: You'll understand soon kid..

Gus: Oh! King! Has the collector answered your message?

King: “No, nothing yet. He hasn’t answered me in a bit. I’m kinda worried about them.”

Eda: Don’t worry King, he is exploring the stars after all! You’ll get to hear from them again soon.

[Gus laughs nervously]

Gus: This is fine!! We’ll just have to uhhhh… find a replacement! Improvise!

Gus: You!

Tinella Nosa: Me?

Gus: How would you like to play the Collector in.. The Boiling Isles Independence Play!

Gus (disillusioned and annoyed): It’s a working title…

Tinella Nosa: So I get to be a lead in your pway?

Gus: Yup! Stage is right over there! Here is your costume! Might be a bit big though...

Tinella Nosa: Yippee!! I’m an actow!

Eda: Hello!

Raine (over the phone): **Eda!!!**

Eda: Woah, Rainestorm! Take it easy, what’s the sitch?

Raine:

There’s been a robbery at the Bonesborough

Museum!

Eda:

Already??? Didn’t they just finish building

that thing? Dang, the thieves must have been

planning this shabang for months…. I'm impressed.

What did the thieves nab?

Eda:

Oh my….

Raine:

“can you and lilith please handle this for

me, I'm swamped with handling the parade as

it is"

Eda:

“Lily is helping Goops with this huge historical play.”

Gus:

“MY NAME IS NOT-”

Eda:

“But I can handle this for you.”

Raine (with a sigh):

“Okay… I love you.’

Eda:

“Love you too.”

Luz:

“What was stolen, Eda?”

Eda:

“A branding glove.”

Amity:

“Why would someone steal a branding glove?”

Hunter:

“Whoever stole it probably wants to use

it to give witches sigils again.”

Willow:

“But why? There haven’t been covens in

years!”

Eda:

“I’m not sure kiddos, but I’m going

to find that glove before anything bad happens.”

Eda:

“Don’t tell this to anyone else. We don’t

want everyone to panic.”

Luz:

“Wait, Eda! I’m coming with you!”

Eda:

“Are you sure kid? Don’t you wanna finish

painting the float with your friends?”

Luz (sassy): “Come on, Eda. You know I’d never pass

up a chance for an adventure!”

Eda (softly, maternally):

“Of course you wouldn’t. Now come on!”

“We can track the thieves using the new

fangled tracking app! Titan, I sound like

an old lady.”

King:

“You are an old lady!”

Eda:

“I am NOT!”

Luz:

“¡Hasta luego, hermosa!”

Luz:

“Hey King, this might be the perfect opportunity

to search for any new glyphs!”

Luz: Hellooooo! Earth to king!

King: I’m sorry Luz..

Luz: Come on, King. Spill the beans. What’s

going on?

King: It’s just… I’ve loved talking

to the collector on this star tablet he gave

since they’re so far away all the time.

But I haven’t gotten an answer and i..

Luz: You’re worried he’s forgotten you?

King: It’s strange how I grew so attached

to him. They’re like a little sibling to me, yknow?

Luz: I don’t think he’s forgotten about

you, Buddy. They adore you!

King: But why hasn’t he answered back? Usually

they answer back really quickly.

Luz: Maybe he’s caught up with something

in the stars! They’ll answer back! I know it!

King: Yeah..Thanks, Luz.

Luz:

“Are we gaining on them?”

Eda:

“We should, seems like they’re on foot,

we should be able to catch up to them quite

easil-”

Luz:

“LOOK OUT!”

[glass shatter]

Eda:

“Dammit! And that was a new model too…”

King: WEHHH!

Luz: There they are!

Eda:

Dammit! And it's not gonna be as easy without my scroll to track them..

Luz: Don't worry Eda! We still have my scro-

Wh-where is it?!

Hooty: And THAT, my owl pellets...

is how you do the PERFECT makeup routine!

Hooty (reading): How did you do that without any hands?

WELL, it's quite simple! I just-

Eda: Welp, looks like we're gonna have to find them the old fashioned way

They couldn't have gone far!

[stringbean rattles]

Luz: Nope...no glyph here...

That's strange...that's where I found the plant glyph last time..

[stringbean chirps]

Luz: You're right, Stringbean! King's magic IS different!

Maybe the plant glyph is somewhere else!

Luz: No...

Luz: No??

[stringbean rattles her tail]

Luz: Where is it?!

Eda: Kid, don’t rush yourself. Plus we gotta

focus on finding those thieves, if we can find them that is...

Luz: But Edaaaaaaa-

Eda: You'll find the glyphs soon...they'll come to you.

Luz: ooo! Oh plant glyph!~

Lilith: You can't do that!

Gus: What???! Why can't I?!

Lilith: Because Luz didn't do that! She lost that fight!

Gus: How would YOU know?

Lilith: How would I-

I WAS THERE!!

Gus: Well what if she breathes fire? Then she would definitely win!

Lilith: Breathe fire?! Humans don't breathe fire.. that's not possible OR accurate!

Gus: Well we'll need something to spice it up!

Gus: Maybe some fireworks would go well

Lilith: What's the point of putting on a historical play if you keep changing it!

Gus: What's the point of putting on a play if people fall asleep midway through?

Lilith: It's supposed to be educational!

Gus: Pshh! Lillith, it's history. No one wants to learn history.

They want to have fun!

[Lilith gasps]

Lilith: HISTORY IS FUN!!

Amity: UGH, this play is never gonna be finished, is it?

Willow: Amity..cut them some slack. They'll figure it out eventually!

Gus: What about...a dance party!

Lilith: We are not having a dance party Augustus.

Lilith: And what even is this name? "The Boiling Isles Independence Play"? Not very original..

Gus: IT'S A WORKING TITLE!

Amity: Will they?

Willow: It might take a while..

Willow: BUT, they're our friends! We need to trust them!

Hunter: Uh- What is Tinella doing?

[Ed panting and out of breathe while Em is laughing]

Tinella: I AM AN UNSTOPPABLE FORCE!!!

TRY AS YOU MAY YOU WILL NEVER CONTROL ME!

Ed: [panting] wait...

Amity: Oh my titan...

Hunter: Should we....do something about that?

[explosion]

Willow: Yeah... we probably should..

Lilith: YOU ARE INSUFFERABLE!!

Even Luz understands the importance of fidelity!

Gus: Except Luz ALSO knows how to make things cool!

Luz: Eda!!

King: WEHHH!

Eda: No you don't!

Luz: NEW GLYPH! NEW GLYPH!!

Eda: I guess King's magic is even more different than we thought

Eda: DANGNABBIT! THEY'RE GETTING AWAY!

Eda: Come on, kids!

Luz:

“They’re… gone.”

King: They must have gone SOMEWHERE

[fireworks]

Luz: Oh crap! The parade!

Eda: Let's get out of here

Luz: But th-the thieves!!

Eda: The thieves didn't get the glove. We got it

Now come on! We're gonna be late

Gus: Alright, I'm gonna give ONE more suggestion

Even though I'm 90% sure you're gonna shoot it down like a party pooper

Lilith: I'll have you know, I've had my OWN party before. It was amazing!

[Gus sighs]

Gus: What if we made the play...into a musical?

Tinella: Uh...actually...I hate musicals

Gus and Lilith: WHAT?!

Gus: HOW CAN YOU HATE MUSICALS??!

Lilith: WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!

Tinella: I DON'T CONFORM TO SOCIETY

[Explosion is heard from the left] Lilith: I CAN'T believe her!

Musicals are a masterful piece of storytelling dating back generations!

Gus: And they're extremely fun and entertaining!

Lilith: My personal favorite is "The Poltergeist of the Ballet"!

Such an amazing music and costume designs that accurately represents the period of time it takes place in!

Gus: My favorite is "Roachsoda" because it has super cool complicated effects that inspired by illusion magic skills!

Lilith: Well Augustus, have you heard of "Scrollsies"?

Gus: The play in which...

Gus and Lilith: TELLS THE TALE OF A YOUNG WITCH WHO FORMS A REBELLION AGAINST THE SCROLL FACTORIES USING COMPLICATED CHOREOGRAPHY!!

[Gus laughs]

Gus: Aw man, I don't think I've ever met someone who was THIS enthusiastic about musical theatre!

Gus: My friends are a bit more lax about it than I am..

Lilith: When me and Edalyn were kids, she did like one musical in particular....

[Lilith sighs]

Lilith: "Rats".....it was "Rats"

Gus: NO...

Lilith: YES.

[Gus and Lilith laugh]

Willow: See, I told you they'd get along sooner or later!

Amity: Probably would have been better if it was sooner..

[fireworks boom]

Gus: NO NO NO NO NO NO!!

Gus: We don't have our actors! The one actor we do have has gone mad with power and is titan KNOWS where..

Gus: And we've barely done anything!!!

Amity: Hey. Uh. Are we invisible??

Lilith: Do you know what incredible directors do Augustus?

Gus: What?

Lilith: They make art out of what they have!

Lilith: Come on! Let's put on this play! You take one half of the script and I'll take the other!

[Emiline squeaks]

Gus: You're right, Emiline!

Gus: IT'S MONTAGE TIME!!

Lilith: a what

[oo aa funky montage music]

Gus: We did it!!

[Gus gasps and sniffs]

Gus: You kept my dance party

[Lilith laughs]

Lilith: As long as Luz isn't breathing fire on stage

Lilith: I don't think it would be a big deal to end with a dance party like you wanted

Lilith: You didn't add fire breathing Luz

Lilith: Did you?

Gus: Ehhhh Of course not!!!!

Amity: Luz!

Luz: Sweet potato!

Gus: Luz UGHH! I'm so glad you're here!

Gus: We finally have a script!

Gus: You guys come on and get on stage, you'll have to read directly from the script

Willow: Did you catch the thieves?

Eda: Nope. But they didn't get away with the branding glove

Lilith: OH! WHAT HAPPENED??!

THIS WAS A HISTORICAL ARTIFACT!!

Eda: Lily, calm down..

Out of all the artifacts that could have been destroyed

This was the best one to get broken!

Lilith: I guess you're right

Luz: Look what new glyph i found!!

Willow: WOAH HO HO!

Amity: So this is like...a new basic glyph?

Luz: I think so..maybe the light glyph stayed but all the others are different

Which means I got a whole new journal to write!

Amity: We'll help in any way we can to help you find the others!

All: YEAH!

Luz: You guys...

Raine: Coming up next in The Boiling Isles Independence Day Parade is..

"The Boiling Isles Independence Play"

(laughs and sighs) i get it!

Raine: By Augustus Porter and Lilith Clawthorne!

Gus: Finally! Someone recognizes the mastery behind wordplay!

Gus: oooo! AND I just did it again!

Gus: Gus you are on a ROLL

Lilith: Everyone! Places!

Luz: DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE ME EMPEROR BELOS!

FOR I AM LUZ!

CHILD OF THE HUMAN REALM, STUDENT OF THE DEMON REALM

AND WARRIOR OF PEACE!!

NOW EAT THIS SUCKA!!

[audience cheering]

Luz: And from then on, the boiling isles were finally at peace from tyranny!!

Gus: I'M ON THE CRYSTAL BALL!!! I DID IT!!

Luz: It sucks how we had to replace the collector with...

whatever THIS is..

Hunter: Look! I was given like, ten minutes!

King: [sighs] I wish they could have been here..

I really wanted to see them again

He hasn't answered my messages for a while..

Luz: King...I'm sorry..

Collector: AWW KING! YOU MISSED ME?!

Collector: That play was so amazing!!

Whoever played me was SPOT ON with their performance!

King: COLLECTOR!

Collector: KING!!

King: Why are you here?!

Collector: I wanted to surprise you :3

Collector: And also to say...

I'm thinking of...STAYING ON THE ISLES!

King: That's amazing! But what about exploring the stars?

Collector: Kinda got... lonely after a bit...

I think I've done enough growing up!

Luz: I don't really think you're done growing up, Collector..

But growing up is easier when you're around people who care about you!

Eda: Luz is right, kid!

Eda: You've still got a long ways to go, but we're here to help with that!

King: Where are you gonna stay, Collector?

Collector: Huh, I didn't think about that...

Hooty: They could always stay with me and Lulu!

Collector: REALLY??!

Collector: Miss Lilith?

Lilith: I wouldn't mind the company.. Just..don't make a mess when I'm working. I can't bear to see anymore broken artifacts... Oh! I feel faint!

Eda: Plan on finding more of those things?

Luz: Yup! I might even make it my thesis for university!

Eda: That's a great idea, squirt!

Eda: But don't think I'm giving you an A just because you're my surrogate daughter, alright?

Luz: [laughs] I know, Eda!