The Journey So Far/Chapter 7: Year of Self Reflection (2016)

As I moved into my new place, I was trying to shake off the events of the last couple of months. I kept pressing on and continued with my life. I didn't want to sink back into my depression. So, I got back up, dusted off, and pressed forward. To be honest, 2016 didn't have as much excitement as the previous two years had for me. I honestly look at this as a gift. After everything, I needed a break. I continued to downgrade my collection. I started to get rid of more high-priced items. I kept my channel going as well for the next year, but a feeling started to creep into my mind. A feeling that I knew was coming eventually. More on that later.

Like I said before, 2016 was a calmer year compared to the past years. I still had my good job, I still had my friends and family, and my creativity was still fueling my soul. After years of working on the GojiFan93 channel, I started to feel a burn out. I wanted to branch out and do other things. Now, I didn't mention it before, but I made other channels during these years. One was a gaming *"let's play"* centric channel that didn't go anywhere. That later evolved into a personal random channel that I didn't put a lot of focus into. I also was a part of the Kenshin Studios group that I co-founded in 2013. My friend and I started this group as a Godzilla fan-fiction project. We were even able to produce a fan film at the annual G-Fest convention. I still wanted more though. My creativity was hungry, and I needed to do something about it. I decided to go back to my EXO Sphere Studios roots, and I made a new studio that would be a spiritual successor to my old High School group. I called it *"Attsri Studios".* The name is an anagram for "artist". See what I did there? Clever, right? Anyways, this was going to be my new creative venture that would be the thing to quench my creative thirst. I could do anything I wanted with this platform. I went to work on making all the social media platforms and branding logos. I got to work quickly by already starting my first project. It would be an old game I made back when EXO Sphere Studios was a thing. I made a breakout-style game with, of course, a Godzilla theme over it. I also had another project running on the side and that was a sequel for that game. With those in progress, I tried plugging and sharing my new creative venture with as many people as possible. This was where my ego crept back in. I thought, *"Well surely people will come to this because I'm GojiFan93!"* Yea, that harsh dose of humble pie would hit me soon enough.

I continued to work on my newly founded studio and my YouTube channel at the same time. There were even some projects that I joined both brands together for. Throughout the year I made some small low budget video games. I created these games using an engine called *"Game Guru".* I've been a fan of this software for many years and had a lot of fun making content on it. I made six games using this engine under the Attsri Studios umbrella. I made an FPS series called, *"Shoota-Man",* and yes, I know the name is stupid. Then I made a 3D platformer that was a parody of sorts that heavily was inspired by the Crash Bandicoot series. I called this game *"Slam Racoon".* With each game I released, I tried to get as much attention for them as I could. I wasn't seeing the numbers of the number of people viewing my new projects. I got frustrated because it seemed like people only cared about my Godzilla channel more than anything else I did. When my games were finished releasing, they did not receive the attention I wanted them to and I started to feel defeated. My YouTube channel was still dominating what I did creatively, and it seemed like I could not escape its grasp. I tried other ideas with my new studios to try and see if anything would catch. Nothing did.

Towards the end of the year, I started feeling another burnout. The lease to the apartment was also coming up and my roommates had other plans to move out. This would leave me alone with a 3-bedroom apartment. That wasn't going to happen. I had to make the hard choice to move back with my parents. I hated the idea because I worked so hard to become independent. Still, the reality was I didn't have enough money to continue living on my own and I didn't have time to find a new place. A lot of things were about to change in my life heading into 2017. My YouTube channel was still overtaking my life and I was beginning to think it was time to close this chapter. I knew I had to close it down to work on my other creative outlets and to give them time to shine. I wanted to be Chris Cuypers again, not GojiFan. It was time to retire the YouTube channel.

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