Date Knight

**"Wow, spending so much time in this void has actually made me finish!" - Pen**
This story has officially been over. Go check out this episode's info page for information about music, characters, trivia and more! Also, please know that after **24 hours** of this on an episode page, you must only edit it if the placement of words has the same amount of letters in it.

**"Wot'n ale's fozz'r'ye doin'?" - Pencil**
This page contains profanity, like the sentence above. I have created two ways to censor those words, but I've also discovered that on mobile view, they lie uncensored. So please, show some cognoscience about what you may see.

If you *do* have a problem with profanity, please refer to this page § 3.

"**Date Knight**" is a new episode of Pencil 2.O, and until recently, there has been neither number nor date associated. In this episode, Sio goes on his first date, but through Pencil's coaching he is in for a surprise

## Thursday, September 19, 2013

### **Science class**

**Scene**A Grade 7 middle school classroom. The bell rings.
* **Mrs. Anhboa**: Alright, class dismissed.
* **M****a****p**: Do your thang, dude, ask her out!
* **Sharpene****r**: You got this in the hole, bro!
* **S****io**: Are you sure you're supporting me? Because you're sounding like you live on hairspray.
* **Lego**: Exactly, we just heard these lines in films. Besides we know you *love* her.
* **S****io**: Come on! Just because she's the only other person in the school whose independent research project was on the mechanics of mechanics, doesn't mean that—I mean, true.
* **Sharpene****r**: I'll take notes to reread at university.

[*Sio goes up to Kop Holema, who is talking with friends.*]

* **Kop**: Hey, Schreiber?
* **S****io**: Holema! What a surprise!
* **Kop**: Listen, I have a question for asking you.
* **S****io**: What is it?
* **Kop**: Would you like to go out with me?

[*Silence.*]

* **Lego**: Say something!
* **S****io**: Yeah!
* **Kop**: We can start a group-text tonight.
* **S****io**: Yeah!

### **The car**

**Scene**The kids are singing along to an instrumental backing track.

**Javier, Citlali, Yaretzi, Zorah, Ximena, Salvador, Q.R.**

**Vocalist(s)**:

♫ On the road we go,

For the facts we know

That the Hyvers we'll intrigue!

Along we sing

To this marching thing;

Later we shall join the Small League! ♫

* **Ja****vier**: Yeah!

### **Home**

**Scene**Jump cut to after school. Pencil is sitting on the couch knitting, but she's found herself in a knot surrounding her.
* **P****e****nci****l**: "Ja?" Thet's all you could say? Did you drink German juice er somethin'?
* **S****io**: Of course! We already know each other, so what've I done wrong?
* **P****e****nci****l**: You, me son, don' know the rules o' datin' correctly.
* **S****io**: There are no rules! Are there?
* **P****e****nci****l**: There are if y'wants to be guaranteed an 'appy and successful relationship. I remember when I'd got me h'own firs' little date—'E was a student from th'I'ory Coas', Thingo Marin.
* **S****io**: Thingo? So there *was* a before Dad!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Oh, 'twas nothin'. We h'only were out fer a few minutes on New Years' Eve 1999 to prove we could date in two millennia an' then we were back ter 'atin' each other again!

[*Silence.*]

* **S****io**: Mum?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Goodness, where was I? Aye, y'know 'o'd be the bes' person to teach'ee h'about datin'?
* **S****io**: Who?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Yer grandpa! Me father taught me mum *all* the proper processes in courtin' a lady.
* **S****io**: I thought he was in England.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Thet's why 'e's written a book!  *Mwongozo wa Kijana wa Kutenda Kama Muungwana*.
* **S****io**: Grandpa's an author? Was his book ever good?
* **P****e****nci****l**: No, people don' tend to like'e when you says thet their tendencies are "barbaric" an' "unfit fer the real world". I can get'e fer free at Grandma's 'ouse tomorrow, though.
* **S****io**: Yes! Thanks, Mum!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Wait, a little 'elp—

[*Exit. At the same time, enter* **Pen** *and the* **younger kids**.]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Aw, 'ow're me little softball stars doin'?
* **Y****a****r****e****tzi**: Amazing!
* **P****en**: They're hitting the ball in the right direction now!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Perfect! [*to Pen*] Now will'ee get me out o' this thing, Thingo?
* **P****en**: Thingo?
* **P****e****nci****l**: I means, me *asali*

[*He undoes the knot on her.*]

* **P****en**: Of course, I got your back. Is this the last uniform?
* **P****e****nci****l**: No, 'ts the firs'. I can't knit, like, at all!
* **P****en**: Did you learn off the Internet again?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Aye.
* **P****en**: Maybe that's why.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Wot?

### **Later that night**

**Scene**Half of the family are in the living room watching television. Enter Saye on video on the phone.
* **S****a****y****e**: Yes I am! ... Yes I am! ... Sorry, Chocolatey, got to go. In the presence of the elderly.

[*She hangs up.*]

* **S****io**: Oooooooh!
* **C****i****t****lali**: What did Chocolatey want?
* **S****a****y****e**: She has a date tomorrow night.
* **S****io**: Really?
* **S****a****y****e**: And she's all yelling at me that I'm not mature enough to make fun of her like that! Everyone, am I mature?

[*A. R. I.*]

* **S****a****y****e**: Thanks, that helps. So what are those?

[*She points to the seven finished shirts on the table.*]

* **P****en**: For the softball game I'm coaching tomorrow.
* **S****a****y****e**: Did Mum make these?
* **P****en**: Better. She got them from Nile Prime. *Instant* delivery!
* **S****a****y****e**: I didn't know there was a softball game!
* **Z****o****rah**: We've been talking about this for ages!
* **P****en**: We're playing the Hyvers.
* **Ja****vier**: Dad found out there's another big family at our school so he challenged them to a game of softball.
* **S****a****y****e**: Why not baseball?
* **P****en**: Golf Ball says it's "too dangerous".
* **S****a****y****e**: I'm just piסד.
* **Y****a****r****e****tzi**: Peeved.
* **S****a****y****e**: Peeved. I am totally ready to go on a date and Chocolatey is so wrong.
* **P****en**: Date? Who talked about a date?
* **S****a****y****e**: Omg, please don't be like those dads who go all bubble wrap on their daughters dating.
* **P****en**: Don't worry, I'm not that kind of... bubble wrap?
* **S****a****y****e**: It means "protective".
* **P****en**: Then I am.
* **S****a****y****e**: Dad!
* **P****en**: I'm sorry, but I can't let any daughter of mine go dating! There are a lot of guys out there, and you know how they are at that age...
* **S****a****y****e**: But what about you? What were you like when you were fourteen?
* **P****en**: I was still trying to figure out who the heck I was!
* **S****a****y****e**: This is so unfair!

[*Saye storms off to her room.*]

* **Ja****vier**: You really won *that* argument.

## Friday, September 20

### **School**

**Scene**After class again.
* **Kop**: Sio, can I talk with you?
* **S****io**: Yeah?
* **Lego**: Ooh, she called you by your first name!
* **Kop**: If it's okay with you, we should talk to each other on a first-name basis, as they say.
* **S****io**: Sure thing, Holema—I mean, Kop.
* **Kop**: Also, I am finding this really good Namibian restaurant we can go to. It will be very nice.
* **S****io**: Really? I've never had Namibian food before.
* **Kop**: Neither have I. As they say, "Pick you up at 8!"
* **S****io**: How about we just meet at the restaurant?
* **Kop**: That makes more sense.

### **After school**

**Scene**Sio comes home. Pencil is reading a large book.
* **P****e****nci****l**: 'Ello, you're returned early!
* **S****io**: You've got the book?
* **P****e****nci****l**: E'en better! It's the author's edition, meanin' I can read the little footnotes at the bottom!
* **S****io**: I'm still shocked Grandpa wrote this.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Well 'e needed somethin' to do whils' 'e's stationed in the West. You've got a restauran' planned yet?
* **S****io**: Yeah, she's taking me to a Namibian restaurant.
* **P****e****nci****l**: 'Ow nice, Namibian! I thinks yer Aunt Match's got an ex-boyfriend from there.
* **S****io**: Of course she does.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Listen, Sio, this book 'ere's got a lot o' stuff in'e. I'm not sure if I can teach'ee h'all o' this in three hours.
* **S****io**: I've got such a solution!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Oh, I can't wait to see wot me little technology person's come up with.

[*He pulls out a small green square.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Wot'n'ale's thet?
* **S****io**: A green tooth.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Aye, I've 'eard o' thet before!
* **S****io**: See, I put it on my under my cap like this...

[*He does so.*]

* **S****io**: And you talk into that microphone!
* **P****e****nci****l**: The one yer dad uses to sing opera 'nto?
* **S****io**: Yeah, but say that into the microphone.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Can I get a please up 'ere?
* **S****io**: Please?

[*She speaks into the microphone and Sio runs out of the room.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Aye, yer dad can really be the tenor—where'n'ale's'ee goin'?
* **S****io**: Wow, I can hear you all the way from there!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Success! Sio, jus' a question. Are'ee *one 'undred* percent sure you wants to do this? You're very well bein' yerself, y'know.
* **S****io**: I do want to do this. If it worked with Grandma and Grandpa, it'll work with me and Kop.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Kop?
* **S****io**: First name.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Ah.

[*Enter* **Pen** *and the others.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Oh! You're 'ome! I thought you'd be h'at the field all day.
* **P****en**: We were, but...
* **X****i****men****a**: I got to know how *Nooshint Island* ends!

[*She turns on the TV.*]

* **Ja****vier**: It's pronounced "Nutrient" Island!
* **Announcer on the show**: And the winner... will not be decided today due to a delay in production. See you TBA!
* **X****i****men****a**: No!
* **Sa****lvad****o****r**: You mean we came back here for nothing?
* **Qala****m-Rass****as**: I wanted to run around the field!
* **P****en**: And now we walk back!

[*Exeunt the kids.*]

* **P****en**: [*to Pencil*] Saye not home yet?
* **P****e****nci****l**: No, she texted. "Goin' on a walk around the town", wote'er thet means.
* **P****en**: She's still mad at me, eh?
* **P****e****nci****l**: I would too, she's told me. But good luck out there anyway!
* **S****io**: Yeah!

[*Pen closes the door.*]

* **S****io**: They'll need it.

[*Pencil laughs, then points at the book for Sio to read.*]

* **S****io**: Right, and I'll need this.

### **Kop's house**

**Scene**Pencil and Sio walk to what appears to be Kop's house. It is a simple house in the "Dutch colonial" style.
* **S****io**: How many kilometres is this?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Me phone says "0.1", no, wait, it's updatin', now it says... wow thet's a lot o' calories.
* **S****io**: Why exactly are we here and how did you get her address?
* **P****e****nci****l**: A mum-gician *ne'er* revealeth 'er tricks. An' y'know, the book says'e to be the proper thing to do's to geh'n pick up the girl so you can meet the parents, yeah?
* **S****io**: Okay, bye, Mum!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Don' remember—
* **S****io**: 'Kay, I'll hear you later!

[*Pencil walks away.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Aw, someone los' their pet rock!

[*Sio looks confused because he could hear that.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: *Now geh up there an' ring the doorbell.*
* **S****io**: She hasn't got a doorbell!
* **P****e****nci****l**: *Okay, knock!*
* **S****io**: Right.

[*He knocks on the door. Kop opens it.*]

* **S****io**: Kop! How wonderful it is to see you!
* **Kop**: Yes, it is wonderful to see you too. What do you do here?
* **S****io**: I decided that the knightly thing to do is to pick you up, and we shall go to the...
* **P****e****nci****l**: *... Namibian restauran' together.*
* **Kop**: [*confused*] Knightly?
* **S****io**: Or as ye Dutch say, *ridderschap*.
* **Kop**: Yes, I suppose so. If you are playing, that's right.
* **S****io**: May I step inside and meet your parents?
* **Kop**: No. They aren't here now. They're at a reunion.
* **S****io**: That's interesting.
* **P****e****nci****l**: *Totally interestin'.*
* **Kop**: It is a reunion concert for the Bread and Baker Selection.
* **S****io**: Cool!
* **Kop**: [*singing, off-key*] Bird. Dove-bird. White dove-bird. Bird. Bird.
* **S****io**: That was...
* **P****e****nci****l**: *Swell!*
* **S****io**: What about your younger brother?
* **Kop**: Oh, at the laboratory being tested.

[*Silence.*]

* **S****io**: So that Namibian restaunt, eh? It would be terrible if I walked you so far.
* **Kop**: Fortunately, I have an extra bike for you!
* **S****io**: Great!
* **Kop**: I'll go and get it.

[*She goes inside.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Great, so she's inside, eh?
* **S****io**: You know?
* **P****e****nci****l**: I can see you'n the MePad.
* **S****io**: But you didn't being the MePad with you.
* **P****e****nci****l**: I know.

[*View of Pencil, sitting by the desk with the book.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: I got so h'excited thet I've run 'ome an' I've easy reference to yer granddad's book.
* **S****io**: Yay!

[*At Kop's house.*]

* **S****io**: So what do I do?
* **P****e****nci****l**: You're goin' ter a restaurant, yeah? 'Old on, I've got'e... [*Pause.*] *Tabia Katika Migahawa*—Aye, thet's the one, behaviour in restaurants. Sio, wot you need to do's—

[*Kop goes out with a "Pony Pony Pony" bike.*]

* **Kop**: Sorry, it's a bit small.
* **S****io**: No worries! Is that yours?
* **Kop**: No, it is of my brother.
* **S****io**: Oh!
* **Kop**: How do you say we have to drive to the restaurant?
* **S****io**: "We have to drive to the restaraunt." That's how we say it in Kenya.

[*They ride their bikes down the hill into the city. Kop wears headphones.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Okay, so the firs' thing you've got to do's open the door fer'e, once you get there.
* **S****io**: Why? She's in front of me?
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*reading and translating*] Okay... me dad says, "*Women are examples o' purity an' ter 'a' th'obligation to touch a door is a threat to'e*." An' then 'e says thet if y'open fer a man you're gi'n'e h'access to yer girl.
* **S****io**: Okay, open the door for a girl and not for a guy. Got it.

### **The Namib Desert and Diner**

**Scene**
* **Kop**: In order, shall I give the host that we need a table for two?
* **S****io**: Oh, I can do it. I can open the door, too!

[*Pencil facepalms, but Sio opens the door her anyway.*]

* **Kop**: Thank you. But pass for that man, though.

[*The door, having been closed, hits the man on his head.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Okay. So say, "Jedwali kwa mbili, tafadhali."
* **S****io**: *Jedwali ka... kwa...*
* **Ngu****d****hi**: I'm sorry?
* **Kop**: Table for two, please!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Should o' changed thet ter English.
* **Ngu****d****hi**: Right this way, children.
* **Kop**: He called us "children"! Is that not funny?
* **S****io**: I'm laughing on the inside.
* **Ngu****d****hi**: And would you like an English or an Afrikaans menu?
* **S****io**: I fancy an English menu.
* **Kop**: *Een Afrikaans menu, alstublieft?*
* **Ngu****d****hi**: Luckily, these menus are the same.

[*He hands out two identical menus.*]

* **Ngu****d****hi**: If you had asked in Oshiwambo, now... That would be different.
* **[** **S****io** · **Kop** **]**: **[** Thank you! · *Dank u!* **]**

[*Exit* **Ngudhi**.]

* **S****io**: I didn't know you spoke Afrikaans!
* **Kop**: It was Dutch, with a South African accent.
* **S****io**: That's cool.
* **Kop**: So, Sio, do you know any Dutch? Besides a word for "knight".
* **S****io**: Yes!

[*Pencil's voice can be heard at a high speed, sounding a bit angry.*]

* **S****io**: Kop, if you please, could you stand up?

[*She does so.*]

* **S****io**: And pull out your chair?

[*She does so. Sio walks over and pushes it in.*]

* **S****io**: That's better.
* **Kop**: Why have you done that?
* **S****io**: [*to Pencil*] Why *have* I done that?
* **P****e****nci****l**: It's the gentlemanly thing to do!
* **S****io**: It's the gennibly—gentlemanly thing to do.
* **Kop**: Okay? Anyway, would you like to come with me tomorrow to the invention festival?

[*Kop starts to talk as Pencil is in the background.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Thet ain' enough! The book's says to me thet you've been doin'e h'all wrong, as if we're livin' in a h'egalitarian society—jus' incorrect!
* **S****io**: So?

[*He immediately covers his mouth.*]

* **Kop**: *Zo*, that is interesting! In Dutch it means "so" but one is spelling it with a "Z"!

### **Home**

**Scene**
* **P****e****nci****l**: Thet girl jus' won' love a guy 'o don' care much fer the correct behaviour, which you clearly h'ain' a-showin'.

[*Enter* **Saye**.]

* **S****a****y****e**: What's going on?
* **P****e****nci****l**: I'm guidin' yer brother ter 'is date.
* **S****a****y****e**: That could have been me! It's so unfair!

### **The Namib Desert and Diner**

**Scene**Sio sighs. Enter **Ngudhi**.
* **Ngu****d****hi**: Are the two of you ready to order?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Oh, shiト, th'orderin'! Sio, order fer yerself

*an' yer date; it's acos women ain' permitted to speak when a man's present.*

* **Ngu****d****hi**: Yes? What do you order?
* **Kop**: *Ik zou graag—*
* **S****io**: Excuse me, I shall order for the both of us.
* **Kop**: You do not have to—
* **S****io**: I *insist!*
* **Ngu****d****hi**: Please say.
* **S****io**: I'd like the barbecue *bra—bray—bruv—*
* **Kop**: [*flatly*] *Braaivleis*?
* **S****io**: Kop, please, I'm speaking.
* **Kop**: Well!
* **S****io**: And the lady will eat... er... the oss-peraggus.
* **Ngu****d****hi**: Excellent choice.

[*Exit* **Ngudhi**.]

* **Kop**: What was that for?
* **S****io**: I don't know how to pronounce "asparagus", my mum never gives it to me!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Only h'acos you refused'e so much!
* **Kop**: No, I was meaning to say your ordering for me. Just for you to know, I know how to say more in Afrikaans than you... do!
* **S****io**: I thought you said you were Dutch!

[*Beat.*]

* **Kop**: Forget that, right now have I got to go to the *kleine kopjeskamer*.
* **S****io**: What are you doing?
* **Kop**: Don't you know who I am? I need to get my... liquid refilled... and this restaurant has a benzene pump.
* **S****io**: Not what I was asking for...
* **P****e****nci****l**: Oi, she's got to go somewhere? Boy, get yer arse up!
* **S****io**: Oh, I get it.
* **Kop**: You really shouldn't.
* **S****io**: Alright, Kop, I shall escort you to the Kop-iscopal.
* **Kop**: Oh, would that not be necessary.
* **S****io**: No, I *insist!* Women should not walk without a guardian in public.
* **Kop**: And I insist that you stay *here*—the boy's *benzinepomp* is in the back.

[*She goes off.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: No, Sio, when I meant "get up", I's tryin' to says you shouldn' follow'e an' jus' stand there until she gets back!
* **S****io**: Stand there? Is that a thing?
* **P****e****nci****l**: It is in the book!

### **Home**

**Scene**
* **P****e****nci****l**: An' wot me father 'as written in the book's th'example of a good date.
* **S****io**: But I don't see why I have to stand and wait. It's biologically inconvenient!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Aye, 'f you've got no neck. [*Beat.*] But let me read wot me daddy says: "When you get up out o' the presence of the female thet belongs ter'ee, it means thet you're a ta'en man, thet no h'other lady can come between'ee, importan' since all unmarried women are *malaya* h'anyway."
* **S****io**: What does that mean?
* **P****e****nci****l**: It means they're always gettin' in trouble with men, but Dad says they can't 'elp'e h'acos o' their floozy behaviour.
* **S****io**: Well I can't agree with that.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Neither can I.

[*Match breaks the door down.*]

* **Ma****tch**: Ka-***POW!***
* **P****e****nci****l**: Match! Wot'n'ale's'ee doin' 'ere?
* **Ma****tch**: I was going to walk here after the, like, boring softball game, but I heard something, like, sexist and bolted up here.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Match, Match, girl... thet was me.
* **Ma****tch**: And really? Your husband's so unemployed, like, and rich, and he still didn't fix this broken door?
* **P****e****nci****l**: No, you jus' broke'e. An' besides, I'm on a mission.
* **Ma****tch**: Omg, what kind? Unless it's, like, a secret mission then I'll still bother you about it.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Sio's on 'is firs' date.
* **Ma****tch**: Aww, our little boy's all grown up!
* **P****e****nci****l**: An' I'm a-speakin' ter 'im through microphone.
* **S****io**: Hi, Aunt Match!
* **Ma****tch**: You're on a date, eh? Does she know you're talking?
* **S****io**: No, she's in the bathroom. I'm supposed to wait for her off my chair.
* **Ma****tch**: Omg, I stopped caring about that. Some of the people who act the worst in the head are, like, the best in b—
* **P****e****nci****l**: Okay, Match! [*grabbing her by the shoulder*] The boy's eleven, m8!
* **S****io**: She's back! What do I do?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Offer'e her seat.
* **S****io**: Kay.

### **The Namib Desert and Diner**

**Scene**
* **S****io**: Your seat, my lady.
* **Kop**: Cool, yeah, okay.

### **Home**

**Scene**
* **Ma****tch**: What even *is* this, like, book?
* **P****e****nci****l**: Me father wrote'e after spendin' time in "Western" society.
* **Ma****tch**: Hey, that's me! I'm Western! Like, it's *eastern* Canada, but, like, still.
* **P****e****nci****l**: It's an etiquette book... with some severely h'offensive remarks.
* **Ma****tch**: Let me see... Shiט, it's all in Swahili.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Jus' listen 'ere: "It ain' right fer the family o' the bride to provide a *dowry* o' goats to th' 'usband."
* **Ma****tch**: That doesn't seem, like, bad.
* **P****e****nci****l**: But... "Instead, th' 'usband an's family mus' examine 'ow well the wife performs 'er domestic duties."
* **Ma****tch**: Omg. That book is terrible! And beige? That colour works only on, like, *moi*.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Oi, me dad wrote'e!
* **Ma****tch**: Admit it, Pen never treats you like his... whatever it is.
* **P****e****nci****l**: 'Is biっち?
* **Ma****tch**: Yeah.
* **P****e****nci****l**: You're right! This book was written by the wrong kind o' person an' the wrong kind o' generation. I'm a be th' right person 'ere an' let Sio h'act as 'imself on 'is date!
* **Ma****tch**: Alright! You learned your, like, lesson! Now what do you say and, like, burn this thing!
* **P****e****nci****l**: I can't burn books, e'er 'eard o' *Fahrenheit 451*?
* **Ma****tch**: Omg, this is, like, Kenya, we don't use Fahrenheit.
* **P****e****nci****l**: An' I've got to give'e back to me mum.
* **Ma****tch**: Aw, but I just want to run this out of town!
* **P****e****nci****l**: I'd like to see'e floatin' 'round in the middle o' nowhere!

[*Enter* **Saye**.]

* **S****a****y****e**: Hey, Aunt Match. I was up to nothing!
* **Ma****tch**: Omg, like, like, like, hello!
* **S****a****y****e**: Are you two arguing over that book?
* **Ma****tch**: Like, in a way. You see, I think this book is, like, stupid.
* **P****e****nci****l**: An' I think this book's *really* stupid.
* **S****a****y****e**: Nice to see you're bonding, I guess.
* **P****e****nci****l**: So wot brings'ee here?
* **S****a****y****e**: I unplugged the Greentooth.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Wot?
* **S****a****y****e**: I thought: Maybe Sio should just act like himself and *not* what his mummy wants.
* **P****e****nci****l**: I h'also thought thet!
* **S****a****y****e**: You're not mad?
* **P****e****nci****l**: I would if this's an attempt ter a sabotage, but h'if in th' end, it makes yer brother's date geh h'as planned, you've done yerself somethin' good.
* **S****a****y****e**: Does this mean I can date people?
* **P****e****nci****l**: We'll talk.

### **The Namib Desert and Diner**

**Scene**The food has already been delivered to Sio and Kop.
* **S****io**: [*listening to the silence of the signal*] Hello? Hello?
* **Kop**: [*nervous*] What, have you seen someone from school?
* **S****io**: Oh, no. It's just... where I'm from, people like to talk to their food. "Who's a good boy? *Ndio wewe!*"
* **Kop**: Interesting.

[*Enter* **Ngudhi**.]

* **Ngu****d****hi**: Your bill, please.
* **S****io**: [*thinking*] *Oh no.*

[*Exit* **Ngudhi**.]

* **Kop**: Oh no? What's wrong, Sio? Are you ill?
* **S****io**: It's nothing, really! But Grandpa's book would have said that it's not right for a woman to pay for anything!
* **Kop**: Excuse me? A woman can not pay for anything? Are you saying—
* **S****io**: Um... that's what a lot of people believe.
* **Kop**: Why would you believe in something silly like that?
* **S****io**: Because it's true! In this society, women are not meant to work; they're supposed to stay at home and be... be domestic people's mothers! It said it in the book!
* **Kop**: [*shocked*] What book? [*realising*] Are you talking about the Bi—
* **S****io**: No, not book!
* **Kop**: What do you talk about? Why do you not want me to pay? I have got enough money to pay for us all two! Are you one of those people who are sexist?
* **S****io**: Huh? I don't hate both of the sexes!
* **Kop**: *Both* sexes?

[*Silence.*]

* **S****io**: Kop, is there anything I can do to make this date better?
* **Kop**: No, absolutely not! You might have the good intentions, but you must know something about me: I am *'n sterke, onafhankelijke vrouw die geen man nodig heeft!*

[*Kop gets up and storms off.*]

* **S****io**: What does that even mean?

### **Home**

**Scene**Pencil and Match are talking.
* **Ma****tch**: Like, like, like, like.
* **P****e****nci****l**: I know, but 'e needs to learn thet in life, I shan't be h'e'erywhere!
* **Ma****tch**: Like, like!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Wot? I'd ne'er 'urt'e! 'E jus' needs 'elp, an' if thet's bein' a good mother is, I don' know wot ain'.
* **Ma****tch**: Like, like, like!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Match, 'e's me kid. I think thet 'e's 'a'in' the time o's life right now.

[*Sio opens the door.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Omg, me boy!
* **Ma****tch**: [*to Pencil*] Omg, your boy!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Thet was very short. 'Ow's yer date?
* **S****io**: Mum, can we please not mention the word "date"?
* **Ma****tch**: What's, like, wrong?
* **S****io**: Everything! I have to go into hiding. I don't want to speak to girls ever again!

[*Exit.*]

* **Ma****tch**: I'm guessing it didn't go, like, good.
* **P****e****nci****l**: "Well", Match. I've got to geh'n' speak ter'e.

[*Pencil gets up, but as she walks away, the door opens. Enter* **Pen** *with the rest of the kids. They all chatter happily, all with trophies in their hands. Pencil is quick to change her attitude.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Oh gosh, 'ow'd'e go?
* **Ma****tch**: It looks like, like, you've won!
* **P****en**: Not exactly.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Then wot's these?
* **Qala****m-Rass****as**: Partisation!
* **X****i****men****a**: He means, "participation" trophies!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Wow, you get awards fer things 't which you're terrible.
* **Ma****tch**: [*scoffs*] The world we, like, live in.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Match, mos' o' the boys you date are yer participation trophies.
* **Ma****tch**: Omg, you're, like, right! [*gets up*] I can't keep him waiting!
* **P****e****nci****l**: 'O?
* **Ma****tch**: De Zemmany; I've got to get back to my, like, date now. Bye!
* **[** **P****e****nci****l** · **P****en** **]**: **[** Bye! · Bye? **]**

[*Saye pops up from under the clothing hamper.*]

* **S****a****y****e**: [*in fake seriousness*] Oh! Father, thou have-eth come-eth.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Child, it's "thou hast come". An' where've'ee been?
* **S****a****y****e**: Under here. I was going to look for my MePad but realised that the babies broke it.
* **S****a****y****e**: I was just hearing you talk about dating.
* **P****en**: You're not angry at us that we can't let you date, right?
* **S****a****y****e**: Oh no. I'm too mature to be a mad person.
* **P****en**: That's good. But you're still not old enough to go on a date.
* **S****a****y****e**: No! This is completely unfair! Dad, don't you know that I'm old enough to walk to school by myself?
* **P****en**: That is a good point.
* **S****a****y****e**: Why won't you let me date anybody?
* **P****en**: [*sigh*] Saye, sit down.
* **S****a****y****e**: Where? All the chairs have been taken.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Sit 'ere! I've got to think about... me life choices.

[*Exit* **Pencil** *to the dining room.*]

* **P****en**: Sorry, kid, but it's the job of the father to keep watch of his daughter.
* **S****a****y****e**: You don't have a job!
* **P****en**: I know... Wait, are you trying to blame me for this?
* **S****a****y****e**: What? No.
* **P****en**: Sorry. That's just how it's always been. I just want what's best for you... just like how your mother wants what's best for Sio. He's probably doing very fine on his date right now.
* **S****a****y****e**: Dad, Sio had a terrible date. He's in his room.
* **P****en**: Eh? [*calling out*] Penc? Can you come he—
* **P****e****nci****l**: I've 'eard th' 'ole thing. 'E came 'one, very upset, an' now 'e h'ain' talkin' ter anyone.
* **S****a****y****e**: It's funny because I'm usually the one who gets upset!

[*Beat.*]

* **S****a****y****e**: Maybe it's not *that* funny.
* **P****e****nci****l**: P'r'aps I should gi' our son a word er two h'about somethin'.

### **Boys' room**

**Scene**Sio sits by himself on the computer.
* **S****io**: [*reading from the screen*] How not to care.

[*Enter* **Javier** *and the others.*]

* **Ja****vier**: Hey, we have arrived home!
* **S****io**: How's the game?
* **Sa****lvad****o****r**: We've lost. It's all because you started to cheer instead of play.
* **Ja****vier**: That was Lallie! I was giving moral support.
* **Qala****m-Rass****as**: What does that mean?
* **Sa****lvad****o****r**: I don't know.

[*Exit* **Salvador**.]

* **Ja****vier**: How was your date?
* **S****io**: Terrible! I think I've made a big mistake. I don't understand women at all.
* **Ja****vier**: That's why I play for the other team.
* **S****io**: I get it.
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*from downstairs*] ***FAMILY MEETIN'!***

[*One jump cut later, everybody has gathered in the living room.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Oi, when I'd says "family meetin'", I's jus' mentionin' the older ones.

[*A. R. I. of disappointment as nearly everyone walks away.*]

* **Z****o****rah**: I can stay and watch!
* **Sa****lvad****o****r**: Ora! Come watch me throw water bottles at people on the street!
* **Z****o****rah**: I love that!

[*Exit* **Zorah**.]

* **P****en**: Sio, before you start talking, this is a safe space.
* **S****io**: This is a house... full of ten children.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Aye, 'n 'ee bein' one of 'em. Now speak up an' tell us wot's wrong.
* **S****a****y****e**: Yeah, what's wrong is this society of everything having to do with men trying to tell women what to do!
* **P****en**: You think that's wrong? Try following an old-timey book of rules that tell you that women are property of man!
* **P****e****nci****l**: [*nervous*] About the book...
* **S****a****y****e**: What the curse word, like, really? Dad has the same exact reaction to *me*, while you go around willy nilly?
* **P****en**: Kids, I do not—
* **S****io**: It's not that easy! You're supposed to speak bad Afrikaans to her, you have designated sitting and standing times and opening doors for men is an invitation for womanly trouble!
* **S****a****y****e**: Yeah, and just because I'm a girl, I can't be friends with boys? One day I was talking to my study partner in maths class and these idiots were like, "'s that your *boyfriend?*" and then he was like, "No", and then before you know it, he got locked in the bathroom until the start of the next school day! Thanks a lot, Dad!
* **S****io**: Yeah, Mum!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Oi, can we put a stop to this blamin' game 'ere? This ain' a *parent* problem, it's like a world problem!
* **P****en**: Y'know, I think we need to bring this argument to more attention.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Shall we geh on national television again?
* Saye[*char tag?*]: No!
* **P****en**: Kids, you two raise really good points. You're probably more intelligent than I was when I was your age.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Aye, I've married an idiot.
* **P****en**: Hey!
* **P****e****nci****l**: Oi, I ne'er says you weren't an 'andsome idiot!
* **P****en**: That's better! Like, what I'm saying is that people your age put too much of a fuss on what to do and what not to do.
* **P****e****nci****l**: I 'ad a professor once, 'o'd told me thet where 'e came from, there's no such thing as genders.
* **P****en**: As parents of teenagers, I guess we've got to think about what's going on in your lives and, y'know, make the rules fair for all of our kids.

[*Silence.*]

* **[** **P****e****nci****l** · **P****en** **]**: [*to the kids*] And that's exactly what I haven't been doing to you.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Aw, come 'ere, you little big ones!

[*They hug each of the parents.*]

* **P****en**: It'll be a stretch, but from now on, Saye, you are allowed to go on dates. I trust your judgment, really. As long as it's before your bedtime and he goes through my, I mean, [*to Pencil*] *our* background check.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Aye, thet's right. An' from now on, I'll ne'er read'ee Grandpa's etiquette book again. As long as we return'e to Mum's 'ouse before she finds out thet I dropped by without sayin' 'ello.
* **P****en**: You read him an etiquette book... by your father? Do those words even go together?
* **P****e****nci****l**: I know, a big mistake were there one. Look, it's 'ard fer a parent o' me stubbornness ter apologise to 'er kids, but I'm actually sorry.
* **P****en**: I'm sorry too.
* **S****io**: We forgive you, right?
* **S****a****y****e**: Yeah... I guess you're both not normal because you love us.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Good. Now Sio, geh'n' apologise to yer date.
* **S****io**: How did you know—
* **P****e****nci****l**: I'm yer mum.

[*Exit* **Sio**; *enter* **Ximena**.]

* **X****i****men****a**: Guess what? Chavo's out of water bottles.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Wot?
* **X****i****men****a**: He's throwing gardening tools out the window.
* **S****a****y****e**: This will be so bad... I'm going to watch it.

[*Exeunt* **Saye** *with* **Ximena**.]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Pen...
* **P****en**: Yeah?
* **P****e****nci****l**: D'ye really meant wot you've says earlier? Were'ee really not very h'intelligent back then?
* **P****en**: No... it's just, I could have told them sooner.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Wot matters is thet you've told 'em. An' thet's wot bein' a good parent's about.
* **P****en**: You're always right about those things. [*pause*] G-d, how I love you.

[*He kisses her.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Woah, baby!

[*Enter* **Yaretzi**.]

* **Y****a****r****e****tzi**: Omg, ten-year-old in the house!
* **P****e****nci****l**: We h'ain' doin' anythin'!
* **P****en**: Your mother has fleas where her mouth is.

[*Pencil slaps his back playfully.*]

* **Y****a****r****e****tzi**: Oh well. I just need you to know... Chavo has dropped a hoe next to Atin Anderson's handle and she's yelling words from the ground.
* **P****en**: What words?
* **Y****a****r****e****tzi**: I can't say; they're naughty.

[*She skips to her room gleefully.*]

* **P****e****nci****l**: Oh, we've got some good kids.
* **P****en**: Usually. Just hope Chavo's not dropping those tools on anybody else.
* **P****e****nci****l**: Aye... Let's 'urry upstairs les' we should get sued.

[*Pen and Pencil run upstairs, ending the episode.*]

* **P****en**: [*to Salvador*] Boy, keep that stuff to youself!
* **P****e****nci****l**: *Oi, you'll be grounded if thet 'its a person, I don' care where'e's been!*

**THE END**
## Notes

1. ↑ **(Sw.)** "The Young Man's Guide to Behaving Like a Gentleman"
2. ↑ **(Sw.)** "honey"
3. ↑ *In orde*, meaning "alright" in Dutch, sounds a bit like "in order".
4. ↑ **(Sw.)** "Table for two, please."
5. ↑ **(Dutch)** "A menu in Afrikaans, please?"
6. ↑ **(Dutch)** "I would like—"
7. ↑ **(Dutch.)** "little cup's room."
8. ↑ The joke being that in Dutch, the word for "filling station" is *benzinepomp*, which is more about cars than about people.
9. ↑ **(Sw.)** "That's you!"
10. ↑ **(Dutch)** "a strong, independent woman who does not need a man"
11. ↑ With that logic, expect already his attitude to change by the end of the episode.
12. ↑ **BFB X 0857**