Legumen the Legend

### This page contains mature content!

This page contains mature content and may be disturbing for younger viewers or the easily disturbed. Viewer discretion is advised.
*Were you perhaps looking for the character known as Legumen, who sometimes calls herself "Legumen the Legend?"*

**Legumen the Legend**is an manuscript about the Gods written by Legumen herself, and is the oldest recorded trollfic. It is infamous for being poorly written and for absolutely none of it being true.

## The Manuscript

### Chapter 1 - Not the Same

My name is Legumen the Legend, but you can just call me "Legumen." I am a koala made out of dark brown, burnished oak wood with pale amber around the ears and paws and green, pupilless eyes like lush fields of forest grass in the forest. My nose is darker colored then the rest of my body but has a luster to it and I wear a necklace made from assorted beans around my neck. I'm also a god, and I live in a lush forest called Legumenia, that was named after me. I am also a Warrior of Legumenia that protects it from evil villains.

Our story starts on a normal day in Legumenia. Thanks to our efforts, everything was peaceful to the point they barely needed us. In Legumenia, evil was non-existent and murder was unheard of. The predators had switched to a diet of beans and watermelons that was far healthier and more in tune with nature. Me and Aegis, my brother and a fellow Warrior of Legumenia, were taking our daily flight through the forest when I caught a whiff of something unusual with my great smelling.

"Hey, Aegis... is it just me, or do I smell sulfur?" I asked my brother.

Suddenly, I heard a huge **BOOM!** as I noticed that the forest was aglow with strange black flames. I twisted my head around and noticed a strange figure. I thought they were my all, Tinker, for a second before I noticed he had deep blue scales with dark blue bat wings on his head. Tinker had pastel yellow fur and pale yellow angel wings on his head. His eyes were a jagged, soulless monochrome while Tinker's eyes were a soothing pastel rainbow. He had huge, feathery wings, while Tinker was wingless, and he was also a lot bigger then Tinker.

I noticed that Tinker was on the floor, with a huge gash in his stomach that was spewing blood. His organs and eyes had been impaled onto the tree branches, dangling towards the floor and dripping with blood. I gasped with horror as I'd realized what happened. He'd killed Tinker!

"Tinker provoked my jealousy... *so I killed him without problems!*" the dragon said insanely before laughing like a maniac.

"Ticker, we trusted you! How could have you killed your own brother! You wretched monster!" screamed Aegis. I gasped with horror. This *thing* was Tinker's brother?!

"I really don't care!" screamed Ticker, launching some blasts.

Ticker and Aegis thought for some time, but then suddenly Ticker screamed "I WANT TO GET RID OF YOUR THROAT!" before flying at me. Aegis jumped in the way. "Legumen, look out!"

Ticker slammed into Aegis with great force and knocked him to the ground, making a huge crater in the ground. He whispered "I will show you something in your ear." to Aegis, and what happened next almost made me loose my lunch: he reached deep into Aegis' ear and began pulling out his intestines through his ear.

"Legumen... quickly, leave! Before he gets to you!" called out Aegis, before Ticker silenced him by stuffing his now earwax-soaked intestines into his mouth.

I nodded and began flying out of the forest. All around me I could see horrors happening. Horrible monsters made of evil darkness were slaughtering the creatures of Legumenia by crawling into their bodies through their mouths and ears and eating their organs. The creatures were about as solid as honey when the monsters were finished with them. I wanted to do something, but I couldn't because I didn't have the power to help. I needed to train if I wanted to help them.

Eventually, I managed to escape the burning Legumenia, and reached a dry and hot desert. Everyone I had ever known had been slaughtered horribly by vicious and foul monsters and villains, I had failed at protecting them, and now I was homeless in a strange land that I didn't recognize. Out of deep sorrow, I cried grass green tears that fertilized the desert ground, causing patches of lush grass and flowers to grow.

Then in the horizon, I noticed there was some sort of island floating towards me. I was curious, so I flew towards it. I found a floating island that ran on automotive engineering. On that island was a huge kingdom that was made entirely out of gold. I didn't know much about gold, but if I had to rate this gold I'd say it was some of the purest, shiniest, and most expensive gold in the Triverse. It was also full of pyramids and sphinxes and stuff like deserts have.

I then heard some singing, so I flew in direction of the sound and found the biggest pyramid ever. I flew towards the entrance and a saw some random God guarding the entrance.

"Please select a specific card." asked the God.

I showed him my card, so he let me in. Inside they were having some sort of party. There were crystals that shined brightly, created a beautiful, chromatic luster like a glorious rainbow after a ravenous storm. Everyone was also extremely drunk on expensive, delicious wines.

(W.I.P.)