The Babushka

Bernard Smith

Tim Crescent

Cecil Longstaff

The Dedushka

In December 1997, Denzel, Tim, Cecil and Derek flew to the Russian Federation to promote the new Thornton Stationery Company Chicken-Leg Pen. On the 4th of December 1997, the four got lost deep in the Russian forests. During their stay in Eastern Europe (4th of December 1997 - 29th of December 1997) the four encountered four residents of the Russian forest. The first of which was the Babushka.

On the eve of the 4th of December 1997, Denzel Pepper, Tim Crescent, Cecil Longstaff and Derek Hobbs found themselves lost deep in the Russian Forest. Denzel was terrified, and Cecil was distraught due to his lack of a rum supply. Derek and Tim, however, were not off-put. Tim had taken out his holy-water and crossbow, on the ready in case a supernatural being which he believed in would show itself. Derek ripped the sleeves off his bomber jacket, and created a make-shift Bo staff with wood.

The four continue in the forest until they came across a medium sized lake. Across the lake was a small hut. And outside of the hut was a little old woman dressed in rags. Denzel did not have his glasses on, and saw rather wrong. Denzel shouted ''There's a long-legged woman dressed in black! With a purple halter top!'' Derek was furious at Denzel. He threatened to knock his lights out. The old woman did not react to Denzel's exclamation. Tim put his crossbow down and shouted ''Babushka! My mozhem priyti k vam domoy?'' The other three were amazed by Tim's ability to speak fluent Russian. The Babushka replied with a quiet ''Da.'' Cecil claimed to hear the faint sound of foot-steps behind him. Tim was enraged. He picked up his crossbow and performed a triple-spin. His crossbow met the eyes of an elderly man. He identified him as the Dedushka. Tim said ''Dedushka, my idem k tebe domoy. Vse khorosho?'' and the Dedushka replied with ''Da.''

The Dedushka helped the four cross the lake to the hut. The Babushka provided the four with accommodation. Tim, however grew weary of the Babushka, and increasingly paranoid. He claimed that she was the Baba Yaga - an evil witch who ate children. Tim could often be seen rocking backwards and forwards repeating incantations in Pig Latin to himself. Denzel had revealed that he brought his record player in his backpack, as well as a Barry White and Tom Jones vinyl record.

The four were cramped into one small room, with square holes in the walls for windows. however this gave them a sense of security, as they were all close to each other. Before going to sleep, Tim insisted on bathing the other three in holy water. The three reluctantly accepted. The four snuck out of the hut at around 2:12 AM, and Tim released his vial of holy water into the lake. The four undressed themselves and jumped into the lake, bathing themselves with the holy water. Tim began chanting in Pig Latin, as per usual, however - this time, Denzel joined in as well. Suddenly, Cecil noticed the Dedushka standing perfectly still with a deadly look in his eyes, at the window. Cecil ran out of the lake, and back into the bedroom. The rest of them joined in after clothing themselves. Cecil had realised that he had left his clothes at the lake. He exclaimed ''My mustard yellow shirt!'' Cecil ran with the Bruiserman to recover his mustard yellow shirt. However, the shirt was not there. Cecil fell to his knees and began crying. The guitar hero, Derek Hobbs comforted Cecil, but to no avail. Derek and Cecil eventually returned to sleep.

The night saw snow cover the surrounding area in a harmonic sheet of white. The lake was frozen white. Tim woke early, and had a cigarette. The pale blue sky was shining bright into the room. Denzel woke next, and put on his hunting attire. Him and Cecil left through the window. Denzel took an air-rifle and shot a magpie to the ground. It died making no noise. Cecil stood outside completely naked, in the snow. He still maintained his ancient glory. Derek woke up, and went with Tim into the living room. They were greeted by the Babushka and the Dedushka, staring at them. The dedushka wore a traditional slavic attire, which seemed to be tattered as if it had gone into war. The Babuskha wore a cloak, blacker than any black that the men had ever seen before, even with a thick layer of dust atop it. Cecil stormed into the living room, followed by Denzel. Denzel dropped the magpie onto the floor and ordered the old couple to tell them where Cecil's clothes had gone. The Dedushka released a chilling snicker. He picked up the magpie and threw it out of the window. He grabbed Denzel by his hunting jacket. Denzel claims that the dedushka had sharp, dark grey unkempt fingernails, and claimed that his breath smelt of coffee. Derek punched the Dedushka, grounding him to the rickety wooden floor. The Babushka looked horrified. This look soon turned into a horrifying scream. She ran at Derek and dug her nails into Dere'ks forearm. Dek screamed in pain. The Babushka then attempted to bite Derek's neck, however this was stopped by Tim. The Babushka's coat fell, revealing her decaying face. Cecil was tired, and rumless. Derek then unexpectedly said ''Denzel. Cecil. Go to the bedroom, I have five bottles of rum in my bag.'' Cecil looked the happiest he had looked in years. The two ran to the room, and Cecil downded two bottles of rum in the space of one minute. Whilst doing this, Denzel activated the record player, and ''She's A Lady'' by Sir. Tom Jones blasted through the house.

Cecil performed a suicide dive through the window, and jumped up onto the roof. He then performed a frontflip into the chimney, and dropped into the living room. Him, Denzel and Tim carried out their Disko dance routine to She's a Lady. This routine flabberghasted the old Slavic couple, who fell to their knees. Derek gave both of them fatal knockouts. The Dedushka spat out Cecil's mustard yellow shirt. Cecil was disgusted at him, and spat on him. ''GLORY FOR HA NOI'' screamed Cecil. Suddenly, the Babushka dove onto Cecil and dug her sharp, yellow teeth into Cecil's left leg. Cecil's life had flashed before his eyes. - Will he ever Disko dance again? Will he ever enjoy rum again? Yes. The answers were yes. Tim shot the Babushka with his holy crossbow, which knocked her out. The four then grabbed their possessions and ran out of the hutt. They tried following the trail they took to the forest, however it was covered by snow. They decided to run eastwards.

To be continued...