Fake TPOT 20a: Teamwork (Take Six)

Warning! This page may contain **spoilers** of a popular video.
"**Teamwork (Take Six)**" is the first part of the non-canon twentieth episode of *TPOT* by Jacknjellify. It was released on 2 December 1979. This episode is only headcanon to me, that is, until the real TPOT 2 comes out, after which it splits from the rest of the series to become an alternate universe. During the creation process, this episode had a number of early titles, such as "**Are We Family?**", "**Siam on a Famiggly Uh**" and "**What's Gonna Work?**". That last one was a reference to the Wonder Pets.

Author's note: Wow, it's the end of the decade of disco, puffy hair and polyester. And we've got 20 episodes! Okay, that's not true. I didn't write TPOT 1, so *19 episodes!* Wait, I don't really consider TPOT 2 to be a full episode, so *18.5 episodes!* Wait, BFB tended to do multi-part episodes separately (*e.g.*, 13 and 14 would be considered 13a and 13b by me), so if we're going by that, then *23.5 episode-length segments!* (And to think that two months ago, I hadn't even published TPOT 4.)

I can't wait for what the eighties bring... Can I?

Previous episode: "Laisser Tomber Les Balles"

Next episode: "Pumping Iridium"

## Cold open

### **Combined hotel room of the former Death PACT Again and Are You Okay**

**Scene**Early morning. The contestants present in this room, **Golf Ball**, **Puffball**, **Cloudy**, **Eraser**, **TV**, **Remote**, **Black Hole** and newcomer **Fries**, are in that weird space between being awake and asleep. **Tree** yawns.
* **T****r****e****e**: [*relaxed*] *Aaaahh.*
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Sleep well, Tree?
* **T****r****e****e**: Meh, it was just a short nap; I was up since sunrise. How about you?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Black holes don't sleep like most people.
* **T****r****e****e**: Oh. [*Beat.*] How come I've never noticed that before?

[*Enter* **Pen**, *who looks like he's had a run. He's still wearing those glasses.*]

* **P****en**: [*loudly whispering*] *Kalimera*, gang!
* **T****r****e****e**: What?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: That's how a philhellene says *good morning*.
* **P****en**: I've got to brush.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Remember to floss.

[**Pen** *goes into the bathroom and brushes his teeth, admiring himself in the mirror.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: ♫ Till the white rose blooms again... ♫
* **T****r****e****e**: Don't start.

[*Tree crosses off another day on his exercise calendar.*]

* **T****r****e****e**: Another day, another good drill.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Sure, Tree. The perfect solution for a healthier body, is to have Pen run around the building for you, like he's some kind of pet. /s
* **P****en**: [*from the bathroom*] *Woof!* I've been out on a jog and I'm still fit!
* **T****r****e****e**: Well, he's *my* pet.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Then he's your responsibility.

[*Tree and Black Hole laugh quietly.* **Eraser** *throws a pillow at them—it is sucked in by Black Hole.*]

* **T****r****e****e**: Eraser, what the hell?
* **Eraser**: I don't care yous talk all the time, but Fries told me to throw this at you.
* **F****r****i****e****s**: [*angrily*] Can't you see that some of us are still asleep?
* **T****r****e****e**: You're clearly not.

[*Fries points at Puffball.*]

* **F****r****i****e****s**: I don't know why she stays up so late having parties with her "innermost conscious", but could you at least respect that and keep it to a whisper?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Oh yeah. [*floats to the window and sees half of the contestants outside*] It's almost time for Two to do the thing.
* **F****r****i****e****s**: What thing?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: When they announce that it's time for *The Power of TwoOOOOOO**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.***

[*The intro plays.*]

## Pre–Cake at Stake

### **Front of the hotel**

**Scene****Pin** sits outside the building, watching **Coiny** as he gets something from the vending machines for the two of them. Enter **Price Tag**.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Hi, Pin!
* **P****i****n**: Hello, Taggy. Nice morning, isn't it?
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: As nice as it can get, I guess. [*frowns*]
* **P****i****n**: Are you okay? You're looking a little sad.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Yeah... Well, I was going to ask you something.
* **P****i****n**: I'm sorry, but I'm already in an alliance with Coiny and Needy.

[*Needle slaps Pin.*]

* **Need****le**: Don't call me Needy! [*Exit.*]
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Anyway, that's not what I wanted to say.
* **P****i****n**: Then what is it?
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: You live in a country other than the one you were born in, right?
* **P****i****n**: Of course. I've been living in the UGS for almost fifteen years now!
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Oh, wow. I've only been out of Goikyan Iran for a little less than a year, most of which I've spent over here.
* **P****i****n**: [*realizing*] *Ohhhhhh*, you're from there. I'm very sorry about what's going on. It doesn't look so good.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Yeah, it's intense. I wanted to ask what it's like, you know, to live in a country you're not familiar with.
* **P****i****n**: Well, I don't know about what you're going through personally, but I can tell you this: It might start off a little strange, but it gets better. Really.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Wow, that's really positive.

[*Enter* **Coiny**, *carrying an unusually long bánh mì sandwich.*]

* **Co****i****ny**: Hey, Pin, want to share this sandwich I got from the vending machine?

[*Huc teleportat* **Two**.]

* **Two**: No, no, no! It's time for Cake at Stake!
* **G****at****y**: Aw, really?
* **Two**: But we have a new *so-ong!*
* **S****aw**: Oh. That makes me want to have Cake at Stake now!
* **Two**: Then follow me, in two, two, one!

## Cake at Stake

### **Hotel roof**

**Scene**Two has gathered the contestants up on the roof of the hotel—that's where future Cake at Stakes will be held. Everyone is sat either on the bleachers or on the same platforms that were used in previous Cake at Stakes; the latter category is true for **Eraser**, **Basketball** and **Barf Bag**, who were last up for voting.

**Act IV Cake at Stake theme**

**Vocalist(s)**: Unknown voice

[*Late seventies electronic-influenced disco theme, very ABBA-ish (or ABBA parody–ish—their English is pretty good). Begins with a lengthy instrumental break and slowly fades into the action. An abbreviated version will be used in later episodes.*]

**?**: ♫ Elimination's here,

Tremble if Two makes feeeeeeeear!

Cake at Stake's ceremonious time for the eating,

Hope we should not lose and being safe for the day.

Cake at Stake, we hope you don't eliminating.

If you do, the Filing Cabinet will you be.

Cake at, Cake at, Cake at the Stake, some to get it!

(Who knows what it is, a helping prize in the game?)

Cake at, Cake at, Cake on a Stake, one will get it!

(For the loser prize will not be given the same!) ♫

* **Golf Ball**: I don't care if it's in broken English; this new Cake at Stake song has a nice beat!
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Nice enough for you to start dancing, GB?
* **Golf Ball**: Perhaps, unless my Puritan forebears should cast their eyes on a lady in dance.

[*Two claps.*]

* **Two**: Hush now! It's time for the first Cake at Stake where it's not the team that lost, but the individuals. That's right; these objects are the lowest of the low!
* **Baske****t****ball**: Hey, we're not all the lowest!
* **Eraser**: Yeah, Pen got last place. [*to Pen, in the audience*] You know I love you, bro.
* **Barf** **Bag**: And you clearly divided us into nine groups based on where we are in the Arabic alphabet for some reason. Remember that, Two?
* **Two**: [*off-screen*] Of course! [*We see that Two is looking at a clipboard full of names very closely.*] Of course!

[*Two throws the clipboard away. The cliché shriek of a cat can be heard in the background. Confusion.*]

* **Two**: If you're safe, you get a prize! If you're not, you get eliminated. Eraser!
* **Eraser**: What.
* **Two**: You are the first one safe! [*number*] people voted for you. You should feel proud!
* **Eraser**: Okay. [*Pause.*] Eyy, Two, where's my p—

[*Without a word, Two throws a pair of inflatable biceps at him.*]

* **Eraser**: Yeaaaaah. I look frickin' *awesome*. [*voluntarily flexes*]
* **Barf** **Bag**: No offence, Two, but that's really naff. I don't think I would like one of those.
* **Two**: Then you're in luck, Barf Bag!
* **Barf** **Bag**: [*slowly*] Why?
* **Two**: Because you... [*suspenseful pause*] are eliminated!

[*Barf Bag gasps as Two tosses the last pair of inflatable arms at Basketball.*]

* **Barf** **Bag**: What? Eliminated? How?
* **Two**: [*number*] people voted for you.
* **Barf** **Bag**: [*to the viewers*] But I hosted episode 8, guys!
* **Two**: Sorry, but I guess the voters found Basketball and Eraser more interesting.
* **Donut**: [*from the audience*] How *rude!*
* **Baske****t****ball**: Gosh, I'm sorry, Barf Bag.
* **Eraser**: [*playing with the inflatable arms*] I'm not.
* **Barf** **Bag**: Can I at least make a speech first, please?
* **Donut**: Speech! Speech! Speech!
* **Two**: Sure. Just stand... *here*.
* **Barf** **Bag**: [*walks over to the middle of the arena*] Here?
* **Two**: Perfect! You may do your speech now.
* **Barf** **Bag**: Okay. I would like to thank my—aaaaaaaaaa!

[**Barf Bag** *falls through a tile on the roof, henceforth known as "The Tile". Everyone gasps.*]

## Post–Cake at Stake

* **S****aw**: Uhh... is this how you're going to eliminate us from now on?
* **Two**: Yep! It leads directly to the Filing Cabinet.

[*View of the inside of the hotel.* **Barf Bag** *falls through the white void that Death PACT Again used to live in. There the familiar portal to the Filing Cabinet opens up and Barf Bag goes right through it.*]

* **Barf** **Bag**: ... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa— [*echoey, from inside the portal*] Hey, this looks pretty neat!

[*Back to the roof.*]

* **Two**: Now that that's settled, we can finally start the contest! Come with me, everyone!

[*Everyone follows Two.*]

* **Baske****t****ball**: Are you sure we should be taking the elevator?
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: It moves very slowly.
* **Golf Ball**: I would also warn against it.
* **Two**: Am I being told where to go on the grounds of my hotel? [*Pause.*] But perhaps you've got a point. It would be a challenge in itself to be stuck in a lift for a long period of time with a bunch of... objects. So let's head for the stairs!

### **Staircase**

**Scene****Two** leads all the contestants (who trail behind them) to the ground floor. Even Black Hole goes with the other contestants, mostly out of courtesy.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: The next contest has got to be another individual one.
* **Two**: Want to hear something, Clock?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Oh, no. You're not going to interrupt me and...
* **Two**: It won't be!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Grr.
* **Co****i****ny**: Ooh, we're forming teams then! Dibs on Pin and Needle!
* **Donut**: Coiny!
* **Co****i****ny**: And Donut... right?
* **Two**: Actually, the teams won't be formed as independently as last time.

[*Everyone gasps.*]

* **Lig****htni****ng**: Will you be choosing the teams for us, Two?
* **Two**: Nope! Watch this.

## New teams

### **Outside**

**Scene**Two uses their powers to levitate everyone out of the staircase and send them outside. Except for Fries, they have all been rearranged in Arabic alphabetical order. To clarify (since I didn't do that in the last episode), these groups are **Eraser**/**Basketball**, **Price Tag**/**Black Hole**/**Puffball**, **Book**/**Pin**/**Pen**, **Tree**/**Tennis Ball**/**TV**, **Golf Ball**/**Gaty**/**Donut**, **Robot Flower**/**Remote**/**Saw**, **Snowball**/**Cloudy**/**Clock**, **Coiny**/**Lightning**/**Needle** and **Nickel**/**Naily**/**Winner**.
* **S****aw**: Hey! I am surrounded by my letter neighbours again!
* **Two**: Letter neighbours? What's that?
* **S****aw**: You know, the people you're surrounded by in alphabetical order.
* **Nic****k****el**: That's terrific.
* **Two**: Exactly! Now, I want you to get to know the people next to you.

[*Cross-talk.*]

* **Need****le**: [*observing*] Coiny, I think we're the only friends in a group together.
* **Co****i****ny**: Well, there's TV and TB and Naily and Nickel.
* **Need****le**: I guess Two really meant it when they wanted us to get to know people, huh?
* **Co****i****ny**: Then let's pretend to be strangers!
* **Lig****htni****ng**: I'm way ahead of you two.
* **Co****i****ny**: Top o' the mornin' to ya, Lightning!
* **Lig****htni****ng**: [*confused*] Huh?

[*Meanwhile.*]

* **F****r****i****e****s**: Two, I'm not a member of this family cult thing. Where do I stand?
* **Two**: Well, since Barf Bag's out, you've got no choice but to join Eraser and Basketball.
* **F****r****i****e****s**: Terrific, I get to join the worst-performing team. /s

[**Fries** *walks over to* **Eraser** *and* **Basketball**.]

* **Eraser**: Yo, Fries, what's up?
* **F****r****i****e****s**: Mm.
* **Baske****t****ball**: Oh, this is cool! [*about Grassy*] We lost one Dutchman and traded him in for another!
* **F****r****i****e****s**: Who are you calling Dutch?
* **Eraser**: [*bored*] Hey, number thing, is this going to be our teams?
* **Cloudy**: Yeah, I'm not really a fan.
* **Snowball**: [*to Clock and Cloudy*] I hate all you weak Gaulish armless!
* **Two**: No, these are not your teams. In fact, these are so not your teams that you're not allowed to be in an actual team with anyone from your little group! At all!
* **[** **Co****i****ny** · **Need****le** **]**: Aww!
* **Bo****ok**: Good, because that's what you told me last episode.
* **Two**: And I was right! See? No mutiny now.

[*Beat.*]

* **Eraser**: So if these are not our teams, what are they?
* **Two**: You'll see.

#### Team picking

* **Two**: But first, I would like Snowball, Cloudy and Clock to step onto these platforms.

[*Two points at an empty space in the field.*]

* **Cloudy**: But I don't see any platforms.
* **Two**: Oh. This is embarrassing.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Can't you magic them up or something?
* **Two**: I've got a better idea.

[**Two** *goes inside the hotel, presumably to look for some platforms in the cleaning supplies room. Rummaging sounds as the other contestants stand silently. Enter* **Two** *again, carrying three beach towels with tacky designs on them.*]

* **Two**: Here, try these. [*lays them down on the ground*]
* **C****l****o****c****k**: We're supposed to stand on these things?
* **Snowball**: I ain't doing *that!*
* **Two**: Just do it, huh?

[*Cloudy, Clock and Snowball arrange themselves on the towels.*]

* **Two**: [*happy again*] Good, you've got the right positions.
* **Cloudy**: What do you mean, Two?
* **Two**: If you remember from the last contest, I took the average ranking of each group member to create a ranking for all three-people groups—these are the people you have been with in the past few minutes. We will go from highest to lowest ranking. Fries, Basketball and Eraser, be prepared to be one of the last-chosen ones.
* **Snowball**: Oh, great, boring!
* **Two**: Snowball, I don't know why you're so cross; your team essentially won.
* **Snowball**: I'm always cross!
* **Golf Ball**: Hurry up!
* **Two**: Okay, team picking. Cloudy, please choose someone from the second-place group onto your team.
* **Cloudy**: Okay. Wait, who's that?

[*Snowball facepalms... not that he knows who placed second.*]

* **Two**: Nickel, Naily and Winner, please step up.

[**Nickel**, **Naily** *and* **Winner** *step up.*]

* **Two**: Cloudy, out of the three people standing before you, whom do you choose for your team? Naily, Nickel or Winner?

[*Their names appear above them in Arabic, as is what happens for each group called up.*]

* **Cloudy**: Well, Winner looks kind of like a cloud... [*Winner laughs in the background.*] But I have to stay true to my family. That's why I choose Nickel, who's basically my son.
* **Two**: *Basically*, as in...
* **Nic****k****el**: *Basically* as in *the Sun is basically a star*. [*to Cloudy*] You've made a wise choice, *Tadig*. [*Subtitles: "Breton for 'father'."*]
* **N****a****ily**: Aw, now we can't be on the same team any more, Nick!
* **Nic****k****el**: I know... I'm going to miss y'all.

[*Nickel walks over to Cloudy's team.*]

* **N****a****ily**: Smooches!
* **Cloudy**: [*Aside, to Nickel.*] So, you and Naily... are you—
* **Nic****k****el**: What—no—me—heh, heh, just *not*. [*blushes*]
* **Cloudy**: Oh, that's right. She has David.
* **Two**: Snowball, out of Winner and Naily, whom do you choose?
* **Snowball**: I choose Winner! Winner has *arm* and Naily is weak loser!
* **N****a****ily**: Excuse you, but you're not so bright yourself.
* **Winner**: Oh no! [*Clock mouths "I am so sorry".*]
* **Two**: And that means Naily's on Clock's team.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Huh?
* **Two**: So that's how it will be. Because of how they placed in the last contest, Cloudy's team chooses first, Snowball's team chooses second, and Clock ends up with the person left over.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Well, this is just brilliant. I'm the one who gets the leftovers, like I always do. It's always me who gets the short end of the stick, it's always me that nobody wants on their sports teams, it's always me who— [*sees Naily walking over*] Oh, hi, Naily!
* **N****a****ily**: What's up, Clock?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: That rant was not directed at you at all. You're my friend, right?
* **N****a****ily**: I can if you want me to!
* **Two**: Group 3, you're up next. That's Price Tag, Black Hole and Puffball.

[**Price Tag**, **Black Hole** *and* **Puffball** *step up.*]

* **Cloudy**: Hmm... Puffball can fly like I can. I choose her.
* **Nic****k****el**: [*horrified*] Oh no, more French!
* **Cloudy**: Get your Larousse ready, Nickel, when this is done, you'll be fluent!
* **Puffball**: [*floating over*] Yay, I've been selected!
* **Winner**: [*meekly*] Well, I wouldn't want to deprive Naily of her best friend, so Snowball, do you think we should—
* **Snowball**: Black Hole is *strong!* I choose him!
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: [*floating over*] Oh, gosh, I'm in a team with Snowball.
* **Snowball**: ***AND?***
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: If you don't mind, I'd like not to be provoked on a morning like this.
* **N****a****ily**: Hey, Taggy, you're with us!
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Yeah!
* **Two**: Up next: Group 4, Coiny, Lightning and Needle.

[**Coiny**, **Lightning** *and* **Needle** *step up.*]

* **Puffball**: Should we pick Lightning because he can fly?
* **Cloudy**: Probably not, he's already friends with Black Hole.
* **Nic****k****el**: We could always choose Coiny.
* **Cloudy**: Really?
* **Nic****k****el**: Sure.
* **Cloudy**: Coiny it is, then.
* **Co****i****ny**: Needle, you're going to switch later; I dare you.
* **Need****le**: I hope so!
* **Snowball**: *Lightning!* He is always down for oog-oog good time!

[*Lightning floats over without an expression.*]

* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Lightning, you're here.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Aye, I guess so.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Hey, Needle, looks like you're with us.
* **Need****le**: I'm in a team with Clock? ***AASJDIOSAJOIANSJOIDAOSAO—***
* **Two**: Group 5 is next. That's Robot Flower, Remote and Saw.

[**Robot Flower**, **Remote** *and* **Saw** *step up.*]

* **Two**: Cloudy?
* **Cloudy**: Hmm... who do we choose?
* **Puffball**: Saw, because she's pink.
* **Cloudy**: That's a reason.
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: [*as Saw walks over*] But I am also pink!
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Actually, RF, you are orchid.
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: Really? I hadn't seen it that way before! And I see in 16-bit high colour!
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: [*to Lightning*] Between Remote and Robot Flower, we've only got one choice.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: They're both strong, sure, but one of them's our friend.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Relay this to Snowball, will you: We choose—
* **Snowball**: We choose *Renote!*
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: I think you mean *Remote*.
* **Snowball**: *No!*
* **Need****le**: We meet again, Robot Flower.
* **Two**: And now for Group 6: Tree, TB and TV.

[**Tree**, **Tennis Ball** *and* **TV** *step up.*]

* **Puffball**: We've got to pick TV! He gets me.
* **Cloudy**: Okay. TV.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Tree, over here.
* **T****r****e****e**: I had a feeling you were going to choose me.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: And the pact lives for another day!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: So I guess we get Tennis Ball.
* **Need****le**: You sound disappointed. Want me to massage your edges?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: What? No, I don't. Twice. Tennis Ball could be very useful to our team. [*Tennis Ball walks over*]
* **N****a****ily**: And he makes good food.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Yeah... Wait, what?
* **Two**: Three more groups to go! Team 7, that's Golf Ball, Gaty and Donut.

[**Golf Ball**, **Gaty** *and* **Donut** *step up.*]

* **Cloudy**: I don't know whom to choose. Puffball, do you want Golf Ball in our team?
* **Puffball**: [*voice goes up and down many times as she looks at Golf Ball*] Ummmmmmmmmm...
* **S****aw**: How about we choose Gaty?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: [*hurt*] *What?*
* **G****at****y**: What, you *want* me on your team?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: No... it's just going to be weird that you're competing *against* me instead of with me.
* **G****at****y**: Clock, let's be honest. Even when we were on the same team, you were always against me.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Uh- un*true!*
* **Winner**: It kind of was.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: So it was. [*sigh*]
* **Winner**: I would feel bad if Golf Ball did not have Tennis Ball in her team, so we'd better choose Donut.
* **Donut**: Thanks.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Hi, Golf Ball!

[*Most of the others in the team are audibly startled by their new addition.*]

* **Golf Ball**: We meet again, Robot Flower.
* **Robot** **Fl****ower**: I knoooooooow.
* **Two**: Two groups left! Heh, heh, I said my name, heh, heh. [*unusually deep voice*] *Coincidence.*
* **Bo****ok**: Well, since we didn't lose last episode, I guess it's our turn, so that's me, Pin and Pen.

[**Book**, **Pin** *and* **Pen** *step up.*]

* **Two**: Nice deduction skills!
* **Cloudy**: Those skills could be useful to our team.
* **S****aw**: Yeah, Book! You can join us if you want!
* **G****at****y**: The grass is always greener... on our team!
* **Co****i****ny**: But I want Pin!
* **G****at****y**: Fri-ick.
* **S****aw**: Darn it, there's that.
* **G****at****y**: Ugh. [*Aside.*] Stupid Coiny.
* **Two**: I'll give you ten seconds, but when time's up, Cloudy, you choose.
* **Co****i****ny**: Dear teammates, Cloudy, Nickel, Puffball, Saw, TV and whoever-you-are, right now, please consider choosing Pin, the object of my deepest and strongest affection. And not a bad team player. Think of how Needle and I were separated and placed onto different teams only minutes ago, and think about the extreme *pain* that this coin's poor heart has experienced since then. You wouldn't want that to happen again, would you?
* **G****at****y**: [*whispering, while Coiny is speaking*] *Choose Book, choose Book, choose Book, choose Book, choose Book.*
* **Cloudy**: [*deeply moved*] We choose Pin.
* **G****at****y**: Seriously? [*as Pin walks over*] Saw was just about to send you subliminal messages! And that felt *nothing* like ten seconds, Two.
* **Two**: Sorry, I lost track of time. I was thinking about my name.
* **T****r****e****e**: Alright, team, between Book and Pen, I think it's pretty obvious who we should pick.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: To clarify, who is it?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Lightning, let me ask you something. Who's the one guy that sees nothing wrong with calling Snowball *awesome*? Who's the one guy that sleeps on our side of the room, when the former Are-You-Okayians live right next to us? Who's the one guy that Tree seems to drool over even before I say his name?
* **T****r****e****e**: Hey, I'm not drooling. My leaves are just getting wet.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: M'hmm.
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Em... is this a trick question?
* **Snowball**: We choose Pen! He's no wimp, even when he got glasses on.
* **Winner**: Oh, so he does know the difference between appearance and intelligence.
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: He's learning.
* **P****en**: [*walking over*] Awesome, I get to join you guys!
* **C****l****o****c****k**: And that means we get Book.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Welcome aboard, again!
* **Two**: And that leaves Fries, Eraser and Basketball.

[**Fries**, **Eraser** *and* **Basketball** *step up, a bit embarrassed (or apathetic, in Eraser's case).*]

* **Puffball**: I say we choose Fries.
* **Cloudy**: Does anyone here disagree?
* **Nic****k****el**: Nope!
* **F****r****i****e****s**: [*walking over*] It's always great to surround myself with people who might be like me, I hope.
* **G****at****y**: I can tell we'll going to be good friends.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Now if we had to choose between Eraser and Basketball—
* **Snowball**: We choose Eraser!
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: It's official. We're a dude ranch.
* **Winner**: I sigh.
* **Baske****t****ball**: Oh no! I'm the last one chosen! This is more embarrassing than the time I accidentally broke a hoop!

[*Flashback to a basketball game. Basketball is sitting on the hoop.*]

**Baske****t****ball**: That's what happens when you use me as the ball.
[*The hoop falls with Basketball in it. End flashback.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: Don't worry, Basketball, because you're with us.
* **N****a****ily**: What? Basketball's in our team? *NOOOOOOOOOOOO!*
* **C****l****o****c****k**: Naily, you're going to have to be nice about it.
* **Bo****ok**: He's right; we're a team now!
* **N****a****ily**: M'yeah.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: I guess that's easy to do. I mean, we're merely frenemies.
* **Baske****t****ball**: And you know what they say about frenemies.
* **C****l****o****c****k**: D'um... [*looking at Gaty*] no.

#### Naming

* **Two**: Have you all finished making your teams?
* **Everyone**: Yeah!
* **Two**: Perfect! Cloudy's team, Snowball's team and Clock's team, for today's challenge, I'm going to... wait.
* **Cloudy**: What is it, Two?
* **Two**: That sounds really weird. I can't call you by the three people who had the highest average placing in the last challenge!
* **Lig****htni****ng**: Thank you!
* **T****r****e****e**: I agree.
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: It leaves a weird feeling in my hole, to be known as a part of *Snowball's team*.
* **Snowball**: You *are* a part of Snowball's team!
* **Golf Ball**: Well, Two? Do we have to make up team names again?
* **Two**: Hmmm... We're a little off schedule right now, so no. I'm going to make up team names for you!
* **S****aw**: Hey, that's great!
* **G****at****y**: Yeah, no more ridiculous contrived names.
* **Co****i****ny**: W.O.A.H. Bunch is not a contrived name! And it might be ridiculous, but it's ours.
* **G****at****y**: You know what, Coiny? You can be a total d—

[*Two claps.*]

* **Two**: Hush now! I don't want the first words spoken on Teams A, B and C... [*as the letters appear above Cloudy's team, Snowball's team and Clock's team, respectively*] to be words of hate! They should be words of love!
* **Eraser**: Words of love? You mean, like, *soft* and *tender*?
* **Two**: Precisely!
* **Bo****ok**: Um, well, it's hard to say anything lovely when our team names are *A*, *B* and *C*. That's kind of unoriginal!
* **Golf Ball**: And I don't want to be a part of Team C! We must strive for academic greatness; therefore our team must be called Team A!
* **Two**: Fine. [*Beat.*] Winner, you have a neutral mindset as far as I know. What do you suggest?
* **Winner**: Why not do the letters in a different language?
* **Two**: That's a great idea! But what language should they be in?
* **P****i****n**: How about... Persian?

[*Price Tag looks up.*]

* **P****i****n**: After all, the people who are leaving that country should be helped as much as possible.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Thanks, Pin! I'm not sure what naming a team after a letter of our alphabet has to do with helping asylum seekers, but I'll take it.
* **Two**: Alright. Taggy, you seem familiar with things. What's the first letter of the Persian alphabet?
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: We call it *alef*. [*Subtitles: "*ا*"*]
* **N****a****ily**: [*looking at the letter appear at the bottom of the screen*] Oh!

[*Breaking the fourth wall, Naily takes the letter and and swings it around with her foot.*]

* **N****a****ily**: Help me, Price Tag, you're my only hope.
* **Two**: Okay, then. Cloudy's team, you are now called **THE ALEFS**.

[*Percussive jingle. The new logo appears above the nine members of this team.*]

* **P****en**: Ooh, ooh! I want to be *The Alefs* too!

[*Golf Ball rolls her eyes.*]

* **Eraser**: No, Pen, you don't want to. It's Persian.
* **P****en**: Gosh, you're right. Let's be something else.
* **T****r****e****e**: [*shocked*] What?
* **B****l****a****ck H****o****l****e**: Huh?
* **R****e****m****ot****e**: Don't tell me Pen's ballpoint brain's been coated with a tiny drop of contemporary prejudice.
* **P****en**: No, you don't get it! In Greek school, when we put on a musical about the Battle of Thermopylae, we learned that the Persians defeated our ancestors. I played Leonidas, the world's first hunk.
* **T****r****e****e**: Wait, wait, just a minute. You put on a *musical*... about the Battle of Thermopylae?
* **P****en**: Yeah, it was so cool! Everybody looked up to me, y'know, 'cause I'm tall.
* **Snowball**: Just get on with it!
* **Two**: Then in which language should the name of your team be?
* **P****en**: Hmm. How about Greek? Not that I've anything against the Persians; the Goikyan Iranians are wonderful people. I used to go with one, as a matter of fact. She was just about the loveliest gal you could ever—ow.

[*Tree elbows Pen.*]

* **Two**: Shush, sheesh. Now what's the second letter of the Greek alphabet? Talking to Eraser, not Socrates over there.
* **Eraser**: It's pronounced *vita*.
* **Two**: Really? That's very interesting. That's also the name of your team: **VITAS**!

[*Orchestral jingle with a very operatic-like vocal effect (which makes everyone jump). The new logo appears above the nine members of this team.*]

* **Two**: [*to Clock's team*] And what about you?
* **C****l****o****c****k**: What about us?
* **Two**: In which language should your—
* **N****a****ily**: [*excited*] ***Japanese!***
* **Baske****t****ball**: I think we should discuss this with everyone.
* **N****a****ily**: Okay, Japanese!

[*Basketball facesoles.*]

* **Two**: And what might the third letter of the Japanese alphabet be?
* **N****a****ily**: Well, Japanese doesn't have an alphabet.
* **Two**: Eh? What have they got then, serial codes?
* **N****a****ily**: *Noooooo*, we have syllables!
* **Two**: "Silly bulls"? I've heard of silly cows, silly pigs and other weird livestock, but never silly bulls.
* **Golf Ball**: Hurry up! Again!
* **N****a****ily**: I remember learning it with a little song! It went ♫ *A, I, U*—
* **Two**: So it's settled then!
* **Bo****ok**: But what's our team name?

[*This is their jingle.*]

**Random voice**: **U**
**Random chorus**: ***U***
[*The new logo appears above the nine members of the team.*]

* **Two**: [*to the viewers*] And there you have it! [*showcasing the three teams*] The Alefs... Vitas... and U.

* **Two**: Don't you all look amazing?
* **Snowball**: No, we don't *all* look!
* **Two**: Well, I think you do. In fact, I'm going to... I'm going to...
* **Baske****t****ball**: Oh dear.

[*Sternuit duos cylindros receptatarum.*]

* **C****l****o****c****k**: Wait, I thought we were all here. Who died?
* **Co****i****ny**: I'd make a joke about Firey, who dies, like, all the time, but he's clearly not here right now.

[*A cylinder begins to break. Out comes* **Ice Cube**. *She is back to her regular size.*]

* **Bo****ok**: Ice Cube!
* **Ice Cube**: I'm angry!
* **Bo****ok**: Oh... is it because of me?
* **Ice Cube**: No, I'm angry because I got eliminated!

[*Ice Cube walks to the door in the hotel lobby.*]

* **F****r****i****e****s**: Who could possibly be angry for getting eliminated? [*Pause.*] Not... that I'd know anything.
* **Ice Cube**: Come on, Eggy, let's go!
* **Two**: Well, she's got a lot of lines today!

[**Eggy** *breaks out of her recovery cylinder.*]

* **E****g****gy**: Oh, are you talking about me, Icy?
* **Ice Cube**: No, I'm talking about Eggy Lipton. /s
* **E****g****gy**: Later, everyone! Nice teams. Hope your names are just as good!
* **Baske****t****ball**: We're called *U*.
* **E****g****gy**: Never mind.

[**Eggy** *and* **Ice Cube** *fall through the portal to the Filing Cabinet. Silence.*]

* **Two**: Weird.

## Pre-contest

* **Two**: Anyway, now that you're all sorted into teams, it's time for the twentieth contest!
* **F****r****i****e****s**: It's already episode 20?
* **Puffball**: You've been gone for a while, man.
* **T****e****nnis Ba****l****l**: Twenty is also two times ten!
* **Two**: That's right, Tennis Ball! And what better way to celebrate the beginning of ten very special episodes than to start off with something brand new?
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Brand new? You mean like soap dispensers in every bathroom?
* **Two**: [*unimpressed*] No.
* **P****ri****c****e Tag**: Aww.
* **Two**: Now, everyone, walk with me to the challenge area. This might take a while!

[*Just like BFDI 11, montage of the contestants walking to where the contest is going to take place to electronic music in the background (most likely "Itty Bitty 8-Bit"). Many days and nights pass. Fade to a screen with these words.*]

**To be continued

in TPOT 20b

1980**

[*Sudden voting screen (with images of all the contestants, old and new):* "**Comment the brackets and code for who you think is the best contestant of the 1970s! (will affect future episodes)**". *Hey, they've got to be brutally honest sometimes. Roll credits.*]

## Notes

1. ↑ In Arabic, Pin is called دبوس [pronounced *Dabbūs*] in Arabic, and Pen is قلم [pronounced *Qalam*... yes.]. The Modern Standard variety does not distinguish between the *i* and *e* sound, so these two have the same name. د comes before ق in the alphabet; Pin comes first.
2. ↑ I love the way the colours of the contestants are described on The Other Wiki.

**Fake TPOT** [V]