335: I Draw the Line at Beating up Funeral Participants

## Summary

At the river, Rosco and Sheemie agree to try and return the stolen wagon, leaving Raphina and Mo behind to help Gary with his ferry. Meanwhile, Will heads to the library with Batthwack (a.k.a. Mousethwack) in his pocket and there meets someone claiming to be Trofast, even though they're a dwarf and not a half-elf as Batthwack remembers them. Despite Will's doubts, when Trofast tells them that King Batthwack is desperately needed in Gully's End now that a coup has forced Batthwack's wife and daughter into hiding, Batthwack's true form is revealed.

## Synopsis

With Batthwack in mouse form (a.k.a. Mousethwack) in his pocket, and disguised as Valencio Beigeman (a.k.a. Muslin Beigeman), Will sneaks out the back of the florist's shop and into a back alley. He suggests they come up with a code word so that Will can signal to Batthwack when it's an appropriate time to transform back into himself. *"Is it 'Renaissance'?! Is it 'Pompion'?!"* he suggests and Batthwack gives him a nip for being provocative. Eventually they settle on *"Twig Tea"*, a phrase that is very unlikely to come up in conversation since Raphina isn't there. They find their way to the library, which is called the Captain Malvolio Paisley Public Library. It's a plain looking building with large windows. No-one seems to be following them, and there's no back entrance, so Will heads for the front door.

Meanwhile at the river, Raphina is enjoying being in charge of Gary's ferry. Gary is certainly quite happy having her in control and is taking careful note of everything she's doing. *"Gurney the gangplanks!"* she cries, clearly in her element and rather enjoying showing off. Gary asks if Raphina could in fact help pilot the ferry when the captain arrives to be transported to his ship. Rosco wakes up from his brief nap and suggests that he and Sheemie head off with the wagon while Raphina and Mo stay to assist Gary. Gary explains that the ship captain's name is Captain Paisley, and he's basically the head of the town. His popularity with the townsfolk is apparently due to all the money he's brought into the town. It was him that hired Gary to be the ferryman.

Rosco has the idea that they can meet up later at the library, which was where they had talked about going during their journey into town. For some reason, Rosco is trying to convince Sheemie they should beat up some locals and take their clothes. Sheemie wonders if Rosco's just been away from Tanya too long and perhaps needs a healthier outlet for his pent up energy and aggression. How about solving puzzles? Raphina digs out a paint-by-numbers kit from her terrarium and hands it over. Sheemie says Rosco is just another puzzle that needs solving, so while they're delivering the wagon, he'll help figure out what Rosco's role in the group is.

Just before entering the library, Will casts *Unseen Servant*, a new spell for him that he's been practising. Briefly there's a smell of clay as the shapeless entity is invoked. Inside the library it seems empty. Not a librarian in sight. Sunlight streams in through large windows into what is a relatively large circular room with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves and moveable ladders for reaching the higher sections. There's a circulation desk in the centre and reading tables and chairs dotted around. Will commands his *Unseen Servant* to spy on the room and has just turned to leave when a voice in his head, the same one as before, says *" Wait!"*

The figure of a dwarf stands up from behind one of the tables. They have red and grey hair and a beard and they're wearing a pastel green tunic. Batthwack's able to see this figure from his hiding place in Will's pocket. It's not the Trofast he remembers, who was a half-elf. The hair, their age and clothing are all reminiscent of the Trofast he knew though. The dwarf responds to the name Trofast and says, *"Thank you for meeting me. Where's our king?"* Will explains that Batthwack didn't think it was safe to come. Trofast agrees and says he was hired by Batthwack to be Altiyde's aide and sworn protector and she sent him to search for her husband and bring him home. There's been a coup in Gully's End. Thugs are rounding up anyone loyal to the king, so Batthwack's wife and daughter are in hiding, somewhere in the city.

Will wants to *Message* Batthwack, so distracts Trofast by having his *Unseen Servant* pull some books off a nearby shelf. When Trofast's back is turned, Batthwack jumps out of Will's pocket. Will just about manages to snag Batthwack by the tail and hide him behind his back before Trofast sees anything. Batthwack continues to squirm in Will's hands. He thinks the coup that Trofast's talking about must be the work of Juliette Rusher, and he wants to reveal himself to Trofast. Will isn't convinced that this guy isn't Juliette in disguise though. Trofast overhears Will *Messaging* Batthwack and Will has to pretend that he's in communication with his network of faithful loyalists, but Trofast is beginning to become doubtful. Will is doing his best to *Message* Batthwack as subtley as possible, and Batthwack replies, *"He's not lying, except I'm not a king. I hired him, but I'm not a king. He didn't leave with us."*

Trofast really wants to speak with the king; he'll know what to do. Will glances around one more time to check for any obvious traps or hidden assailants. He's getting the sense that this guy is genuine, and casts *Detect Thoughts* to reveal Trofast's surface thoughts are simply that he seems concerned, not mistrustful and wants to do what he can for Altiyde. Will puts Batthwack down on the ground and dispels *Polymorph*, transforming the dragonborn back to his normal self. Trofast immediately kneels down and puts a fist to his forehead. *"My king! My liege!"* he says.

## Quotes

* Eric: *"It's not squalid. But it's not marble."* Abby: *"Somewhere between squalid and marble. Those are the two streets that intersect."* Eric: *"Squalid St. and Marble Ave."*
* Rosco (to Raphina): *"Don't quit your day job."* Mo: *"What is your day job?"* Raphina: *"It used to be ferrying, but I quit it."*

## Trivia

* The episode title is a quote from Raphina. Rosco is suggesting splitting the already split party so that he and Sheemie can return the stolen wagon while Raphina helps Gary with the ferry, when he has another bright idea. Rosco (sotto voce): *"Sheemie, what do you say to this? We can beat up a couple of these processional people, take their funeral outfits, and pretend to be part of the processional, so we can be ferried across the river again!"* Raphina: *"No!"* Rosco: *"Raphina, you didn't hear that!"* Abby: *"I didn't?"* Adam: *"You could've."* Raphina: *"I draw the line at beating up funeral participants!"*
* Trent's library was called the *Captain Malvolio Paisley Public Library*. Malvolio is a character in the Shakespeare play *Twelfth Night*. His name means "ill will" in Italian, referencing his disagreeable nature. Sound like anyone we know... WILL POMPION? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malvolio

## Gallery

*Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice*

## References

1. ↑ See episode 333: Less Than Kind
2. ↑ See episode 332: Who Is Manure Again?
3. ↑ KT explains that this is a reference to Tivoli's industrial origin as the site of clay brick making. See also episode 234: The Halter Top of Eyes, where Roger the shevoo made reference this too!
4. ↑ See episode 333: Less Than Kind