Senior Water Wars

## History

The Senior Water Wars were the officially sponsored Water Wars by Sunlake, that the previous Water Wars were practice for. This battle would see the entire school's senior class pitted in vicious combat against each other, including the gang. This conflict was overseen by the Water Wars Council, which ultimately led to its corruption. This period of time was also marked by intense emotional damage as well, and many of the soldiers in the platoon were emotionally unstable and therefore not performing to the best of their abilities. Nonetheless, the platoon managed to put the fear of God into their enemies and even managed a kill, demonstrating the power of their advanced weaponry.

## Platoon Members

The members of the platoon included:

* James
* Jacob
* Drew (deceased)
* Kyle
* Gerik
* Joseph (deceased)

The platoon named themselves the Sadboi Queens (one of only three teams to not be named after a water pun), however they are unofficially referred to as the 5-HOH-1st in redacted documents. It should also be noted that Jeremiah had betrayed the original platoon, joining the unholy alliance of *Hose Your Daddy*.

There were several unofficial members of the platoon as well, including Vishal and Matt (Dr. Frankenstein). Vishal served as a mole in other organizations, as well as secret agent that would trap other teams and allow the Sadboi Queens to come in for the kill. Matt was the master engineer behind the weapons engineering, serving as the chairman of the secret group Unit 731, which was a top secret research organization within the Water War military industrial complex.

## Conflict of Interests

Many of the Sadboi Queen members were romantically involved during the time of the conflict. While Drew's girlfriend was not participating in Water Wars, she would ultimately serve as a distraction that cost him his life. Gerik and Kyle were dating Kelsi and Sierra, members of the enemy team *Boats and Hose*. Joseph had a romantic interest in Boats and Hose as well, resulting in his death. James and Jacob remained pure of heart (depressed) and were able to impose their malevolent will on the rest of the platoon.

James had to go to Ohio during the conflict, bringing Drew along with him. At this same time Gerik also traveled out of state, leaving only Jacob and Kyle alive to try and get kills for the team. It also left them vulnerable, however thanks to the assistance of Vishal the two were able to avoid the enemies trying to kill them and survive long enough for James to return.

## Allies

The Sadboi Queens were allied with *Zero Dark Squirty*, a team headed by Max. *Zero Dark Squirty* had independently developed a water mortar very similar to the MK I, and unaware of the 5-HOH-1st's advanced technology they advertised themselves as a force to be reckoned with using Twitter propaganda. They were incredibly overconfident in their abilities because of this mortar, and as such planned to betray the Sadboi Queens at some point during the conflict. They never got the opportunity to do so, meaning the two teams remained on somewhat amicable terms the entire time.

The platoon would also temporarily attempt to ally with Boats and Hose in order to take out the threat of Galdos, a member of I Got the Squirts. Boats and Hose would eventually betray the Sadbois, ultimately planning an ambush against them with *Zero Dark Squirty*. This did not pan out however as the 5-HOH-1st caught wind of this treachery and retreated before anyone could arrive.

## Tactics

The tactics used by the platoon mirrored their approach to the prior Water Wars; set ambushes and drive around aimlessly. Matt provided the squad with MREs, allowing them to essentially live in the gunship. The platoon spent hours driving around and sitting in parking lots, occasionally setting up outside to ambush someone outside their house. As soon as a target was sighted the platoon would rush in and deploy out of the gunship. Typically James would wield the MK II, Kyle would wield the MK V shield, and Jacob would pilot the gunship. The MK V was used to prevent enemy fire from harming the MK II gunner, who had to get close to efficiently use the MK II.

## Unsuccessful Military Operations

### The Publix Engagement

Due to the emotional instability at the time, there were several unsuccessful military operations carried out by the Sadboi Queens. The first of these took place in the Publix parking lot. There, James attempted to ambush members of *Electric Boogaloo* (Checker Gang) as they left their Publix work shift. James delivered a powerful one-liner of "What's up cucks" before the enemy retreated through the cart return into the closed store like cockroaches.

During this time *I Got the Squirts* rolled up, and the platoon chased them down in the gunship. James fired off a warning shot as *I Got the Squirts* threw balloons at the van, but instead of engaging they retreated. This was later revealed to Drew to be because of several factors:

1. They did not recognize anybody inside the gunship, and were kind of afraid that they were being chased so aggressively by someone in a mini van that they didn't know.
2. The MK II cannon absolutely terrified them, and they were not convinced they could win.

Nonetheless, this chase allowed the members of Electric Boogaloo to escape unharmed, and the 5-HOH-1st were left without a kill to satiate their bloodlust.

### Spontaneous Brennan Chase

Driving around the neighborhood, James and Jacob noticed a man with a Water Wars bracelet. They would identify him years later as Brennan, member of *Water Woes*. He was on his way home from the bus stop, and James and Jacob spontaneously tried to kill him. They didn't have any good weaponry, just a super soaker, and Brennan displayed incredible speed as he wove through neighbor's yards and retreated to his backyard, arming himself with a garden hose and eluding capture by the Sadboi Queens.

### Assassination of Erich

Knowing that Erich had been easy enough to kill during the prior Water Wars, the platoon decided to ambush him at his place of work. James rushed into the Chick-fil-A with the MK II, but was kicked out by the manager. The platoon decided to skulk around outside, and this would end up leading them right to their next target.

### Assassination of Vicky

The Sadboi Queens successfully managed to ambush Vicky of *Boats and Hoses*, however she was already out of the game and begged that her life be spared. She was with her family out to eat where Erich was working, and her family was almost collateral damage to the MK II cannon.

### Ambush of Sierra

The next unsuccessful military operation was the ambush of Sierra at her home. The 5-HOH-1st set up an ambush outside, hiding themselves amongst the foliage of her yard to kill her when she returned home. As they lay in ambush, Kyle frantically called the team and warned them that she was aware of their plans and a counter-ambush was being prepared.. The platoon began a hasty retreat, only for Sierra to roll up, laughing at them and seemingly unaware that she was going to be killed. It is believed that Sierra had planted a false narrative in Kyle's mind in order to deceive the team, pretending to know about a plot in-the-works to try and get the platoon to target someone else, and it unfortunately worked. Had the platoon remained in place, Sierra would have been eliminated.

### Elimination of Hailey

The platoon began to target Hailey, member of *Supersoak Dat Hoe*, as they learned she was a bus rider. This would leave her vulnerable to attack on her way home from the bus stop, however due to the fact that she lived in a gated community they were unable to carry out this plan in time.

### Assassination of Riley

Desperate for a kill, the platoon began to expand their focus to include a bunch of random people that they were unassociated with. One of these targets was Riley, member of *Hydro Kids, Hydro Wife*. She was a member of a cheer team that Jacob's sister was in, allowing him access to her schedule. At one point Jacob set out with the MK IV and Matt to Riley's cheer gym, waiting in the parking lot for practice to end. Unfortunately for them practice had ended several hours early that day, meaning they were waiting for no-one.

The next plan was to assassinate Riley at a cheer competition. Since she was part of a gym that was outside of school, this competition was not a school sponsored event and technically not a Safe Zone. Jacob put on a disguise that made him unrecognizable, and set off with Kyle to go and kill her. The corrupt Water Wars Council caught wind of this plot and messaged the duo, telling them that killing her at this event wouldn't count. Upset, the two returned to base. It was later revealed that Riley was actively messaging Jacob's mom for intel on him so that she could kill him, meaning that she deserved to be drenched by the MK IV.

### Assassination of Jeremiah

After their failure to assassinate Riley, Jacob and Kyle received intel that Jeremiah was in Tarpon Springs having a beach day. James and Drew were in Ohio, and James advised against proceeding because he knew Jeremiah was after Jacob while he was alone, and he feared a trap. Having confidence in his disguise, Jacob entered the beach area where Jeremiah was sighted and began searching around. They eventually found out that Jeremiah had already left, making this operation a bust.

### Hostage Situation with Tyler

Vishal, using a fake Water Wars wristband, held Tyler of *How I Wet Your Mother* at gunpoint while Kyle drove over and shot him. Upon learning that Vishal was not actually in Water Wars, the Sadboi Queens were reprimanded and threatened to be removed from the game. At this time the team began distancing themselves from Vishal, however he would continue to prepare traps for them and lure people to specific locations, making the platoon wish they had chosen him for their team.

### Operation Galdos

Galdos of *I Got the Squirts* was the biggest threat to the 5-HOH-1st. After witnessing Devin's death on Twitter, he began making threats to the Sadboi Queens. James warned him that they were coming for him, however Galdos ultimately refused conflict. Learning that he feared the 5-HOH-1st, the platoon realized that they actually stood a chance against him and his squad. They launched a joint operation with *Boats and Hose* and *Zero Dark Squirty*, planning to lure Galdos to Kelsi's cul-de-sac and eliminate him. Kelsi was announced the bounty and the plan was for her to bait in Galdos. *Boats and Hose* would set up a hose in her window on the second floor to keep *I Got the Squirts* distracted, and the gunship would block off the cul-de-sac. *Zero Dark Squirty* and the 5-HOH-1st would then emerge from the surrounding yards, engaging *IGTS* in a huge firefight and killing Galdos. This plan was ultimately unsuccessful, as *Boats and Hose* and *Zero Dark Squirty* planned to use this engagement to kill the Sadboi Queens.

## Successful Military Operations

### Death of Devin

The 5-HOH-1st were able to successfully kill Devin, member of *El Warriors*. Devin had secretly joined *El Warriors*, a wildcard team led by Miles, in order to ambush James. James learned that he was in Water Wars and offered him a ride, secretly driving him to Matt's house. As the two drove Devin suspiciously began questioning James, eventually revealing that he was in Water Wars. This triggered a quick time event, and the two drew water pistols and fired. James, armed with Gerik's Finest Tool, was able to successfully shoot Devin.

Devin then attempted to retreat, perhaps unaware he had been shot (or perhaps instructed to do so for propaganda), and the 5-HOH-1st gave chase. Kyle wielded the MK V shield, Jacob the MK IV flamethrower, and James with the classic MK II trench gun. Devin was showered by the MK IV, and the water blinded him and caused him to trip and fall. While he was on the ground, James approached and executed him with the MK II. Devin rolled around on the ground in pain, and Matt commented that he had lost his shoe.

## Deaths

### Drew

Drew was killed early on in Water Wars, betrayed by girlfriend. His girlfriend shared intel with Jeremiah that Drew would be outside, and she forced him to walk her to her car and stand by her for a bit. Jeremiah and Jillian rolled up, leading to an intense chase. Drew weaved through the woods behind the apartment before beelining upstairs, eventually trapping himself. As he contemplated jumping into the bushes from the second floor of his apartment complex, Jeremiah was able to shoot and kill him.

### Joseph

As this was Joseph's first deployment, he was eager for blood. He was dissatisfied with how safe the Sadboi Queens were playing it, however after the death of Drew they had to be careful. They needed kills to revive Drew, and Joseph was adamant they take a more aggressive approach. Kelsi, member of *Boats and Hose*, contacted Joseph and requested a study session. Joseph requested the platoon arrive and ambush her, however they were busy at another stakeout. They advised Joseph to stand down, however he secretly invited Kelsi over to his house. The initial reports were that his brother had let Kelsi in, and she shot and killed him, however eyewitness testimony from several members of *Boats and Hose* revealed that it was Joseph himself who answered the door, unarmed. Kelsi then proceeded to shoot him.

## Near Death Experiences

By far the biggest threat to the 5-HOH-1st was Hose Your Daddy, as Jeremiah had a personal vendetta against them. He managed to successfully kill Drew, however he now wanted to target James and Jacob. He didn't care much about Gerik or Kyle; to him this was personal. He attempted to ambush Jacob several times at DQ, however with the assistance of Vishal, Jacob always managed to escape. He also attempted several early morning ambushes at Jacob's house, however he couldn't match Jacob's energy as he left the house by 3:00 AM and loitered with James.

Jeremiah would also set up ambushed at James's house, however once again he could not keep up with the schizo energy as James was ready to go by 3:00 AM, much earlier than the 5:30 AM Jeremiah was willing to show up. Furthermore, James attempted to confront Jeremiah once as he was spotted staking-out his apartment, but Jeremiah chose to retreat.

## Aftermath

The end of the war was much like Vietnam; a lack of morale led to defeat. While the Sadboi Queens were never officially removed from the game, they only got one official kill and did not emerge victorious.