Coach Fussell's Lament

**"Coach Fussell's Lament"** is an episode of the animated television series *The Tick.*

## Synopsis

Tick is captured by Charles, and auctioned off to his most dangerous foes. Now, only Arthur, American Maid, Die Fledermaus and Sewer Urchin can save him.

## Plot

The episode opens with a news report, stating that the Mad Nanny, a villain that has been ravaging The City, has been identified as Miriam Brunch, a professional babysitter. Her most recent target was Earl McBain's Old-Time Toy and Memorabilia Shop, and she has now gained the attention of Tick and Arthur. Tick reveals his purchase of a tracking device, and pans to use it to track the Mad Nanny back to her base of operations. They encounter her rampaging through The City, fight her, and are easily defeated. She captures Tick, but he drops the device that monitors the location of the tracker, which he still has. She brings him to her base, which is revealed to be Charles' house, and Charles is her master.

Despite Tick's pleas, Charles explains that the rest of his family went on vacation, and he turned his babysitter into the Mad Nanny, which he did to lure Tick into his clutches. He uses a ray to shrink Tick to the size of an orange, and then give him another head. Die Fledermaus is transporting Arthur, American Maid and Sewer Urchin to Tick's location in the Mausmobile, at a very slow pace, making the others anxious. Charles then makes Tick a two-headed, tiny bird that speaks middle-school french, and he lays an egg, which he immediately adopts as his baby. When the Mausmobile breaks down, they catch a ride with some familiar Saplings.

Charles makes calls to a number of prominent supervillains, instructing them to arrive at his house. Arthur's rescue group is dropped off by the house, where the signal is coming from. They hide from all of the arriving supervillains, and Arthur remembers seeing the house. The villains make small talk, and Charles interrupts them to reveal the reason that he called: an auction, with only one item for sale, that being the Tick. The bidding begins, while Die Fledermaus and Sewer Urchin get together disguises (the Rake and Buckethead, respectively), and join the soiree. While the auction continues, Arthur and American Maid hijack the Idea Men blimp, and try to stealthily steal the device to turn Tick back.

"The Rake" wins the auction, whilst Arthur and American Maid's plan fails without notice, and when asked to present the money, he can only come up with 4 dollars, invoking the wrath of the villains. Arthur just ends up crashing the blimp into the house, and while American Maid deals with the fleeing villains, Arthur turns Tick back into his normal self. Tick frees the Mad Nanny from Charles' control, but unfortunately for them, Charles has created an upgraded body for Skippy. They fight, with the good guys ultimately succeeding, and the house collapsing, just as Charles' family arrives. The heroes walk off into the distance, with Tick delivering some enternal advice, and discovering that his egg was full of chocolate that whole time.

## Characters

### Main Characters

* Tick
* Arthur

### Supporting Characters

* American Maid
* Die Fledermaus
* Sewer Urchin

### Antagonists

* Charles
	+ Mad Nanny
	+ Skippy
* Chairface Chippendale
* Terror
* Pineapple Pokopo
* Idea Men
* Professor Chromedome

### Other Characters

* Charles' mother
* Charles' father
* Amelia
* Brian Pinhead
* Sgt. Doodlehead
* Saplings
* Earl McBain
* Coach Fussell
* Charles' gym class

## Locations

* The City
	+ Charles' house
	+ Earl McBain's Old-Time Toy and Memorabilia Shop
	+ Ben's Diner
	+ Chairface's mansion

## Notes

* Among the names on Charles' list of villains to invite to the auction is Larry Latham, an animator who, in addition to many other projects, is credited as a storyboard artist on one episode of The Tick.
* When the villains leave Charles' house, the Mausmobile is seen driving away with them, even though Die Fledermaus was still at the house.
* The color of the Idea Men's blimp changes from blueish-gray with a red light bulb insignia, to dark green with the standard yellow insignia.