The Curse of Kermit da Frog

Chapter 2: July 3rd, 2021

Chapter 3: January 19th, 2022

Chapter 4: January 20th, 2022

Chapter 5: January 27th, 2022

Chapter 6: February 2nd, 2022

Chapter 7: In Da Future

## Prologue

Greenwood, Indiana. November 2018. It’s a busy night at Famous Dave's Bar-B-Que and it seems a bar fight’s broken out. A cheering crowd throws something small, slimy and closely resembling a human hand without an arm out of the building and into the streets. “You losers!” The small thing shouts. “Twelve guys vs one frog is an unfair fight!” “It was your idea, idiot!” Shouts someone from inside. The thing grunts and pulls itself off the ground. “Darn.” it mutters to itself, “Lost my skin.” The thing heads off down the road, not sure where it’s going but knowing that things from here on out are gonna be even harder than they already were.

## Chapter 1

Powell, Ohio. July 2019. A young man wakes up to find his cat is laying on his face. “Tommy! Get off!” he moans as he shoves the cat’s large bottom off of his head. The man known on the internet as Earth’s Mightiest Nerd pulls himself up, rubs his eyes and gets out of bed. He gets dressed and looks at himself in the mirror; he’s unnaturally tall for his age and is bordering on underweight. He has messy brown hair and dark circles under his eyes. He’s wearing a graphic t-shirt and cheap athletic shorts. Nothing out of the ordinary. He heads downstairs and feeds his cat Tommy. Tommy is a tubby orange cat with white markings all over his body. Tommy is a bit smarter than the average cat but he’s nothing too special right? Nerd grabs his headphones and heads out the door for his morning walk. Unlike his friends’ (known online as Jameson Nineteen and Charzard Twenty Seven) neighborhood, Woodbridge was definitely more of a tougher neighborhood. There were street gangs, drag racers, killer bugs and tons of other stuff. This was where Nerd grew up so he was used to it. Maybe it was Woodbridge’s more violent nature that attracted *him*. As Nerd walked down the sidewalk listening to his music, he reflected on his life. He wished people knew who he was, he wished he was a part of something, he wished things that he did mattered to others. Little did Nerd realize that his wish was going to come true and in just a few more steps, his life would change forever. Suddenly, as Nerd was walking along the sidewalk, something caught his eye. He turned off his music and walked toward it. What he saw was repulsing; something small and slimy was laying on the side of the road. It looked like a human hand but seemed like there were eyes buried somewhere within it’s flesh. Slowly, the thing turned towards Nerd and croaked in a very familiar voice, “Please help me.” Nerd was taken aback, he had heard the voice before. “Kermit the Frog?” he asked. “Yes.” wheezed the frog, “Now please, get me some water.” Reluctantly, Nerd scooped up Kermit and rushed back into his house.

## Chapter 2

Nerd headed into the upstairs bathroom, turned on the sink and placed Kermit inside. Water flowed over Kermit and he gasped for breath. “Are you alright?” asked Nerd slowly. Suddenly, Kermit lunged out of the sink and onto Nerd. Nerd shouted as Kermit shimmed up onto Nerd’s arm. Suddenly, the bottom half of Kermit jumped up like a symbiote from Venom and latched onto Nerd’s right arm. “What the?” said Nerd in shock, “What did you do to me?” “Relax buddy!” said Kermit with a tone Nerd definitely wasn’t expecting, “The bonding process is usually painless!” “Bounding? What does that mean?” “Means where I go, you go!” said Kermit. “Now, where’s the grub at?” Kermit headed downstairs and Nerd found himself forced to go along. Kermit came into Nerd’s kitchen, opened the pantry and started digging through it. “Hey! That’s my food!” “Not anymore.” responded Kermit from somewhere inside the pantry. “Alright that’s it!” Nerd grabbed the arm that Kermit had taken over and pulled it out of the pantry. “Hey!” gripped Kermit, “I’m tryin’ to find some grub!” Nerd rubbed his eyes with his free hand “Listen, I don’t know who you are but one thing’s for sure; you aren’t Kermit the Frog.” “Yes I am!” retorted Kermit, “And it’s Kermit *da* Frog, dumb dumb!” “What are you talking about?” Kermit hung his head in exhaustion and placed himself on top of a chair, “Alright pal, looks like I’ve got some explaining to do. Alright, for the record I am Kermit the Frog but they only called me that on tv because it sounds more brand friendly or some crap like that but my real name is actually Kermit da Frog. But here’s the deal; my life was going great until 2004. That’s when Disney bought The Muppet franchise and started to plan a franchise reboot. That’s when they replaced me and kicked me off my own franchise! I’ve been on my own since then and believe me, things haven’t been easy.” “Well I’m sure they haven’t.” said Nerd, “But why do you look like, you know, that?” Nerd gestured at Kermit’s fleshy body. “Well that’s what happens when a frog loses his skin. What’s wrong, you never seen it before?” “No.” replied Nerd in disgust, “And frankly I hope I never do again. Also, if you got fired before the reboot, who’s that doing you now?” “Oh.” snarled Kermit, “That’s my arch-nemesis Rodreick the Frog.” “That would explain the voice change.” Kermit slowly approached Nerd, “Don’t tell anybody; but he’s also my cousin.” “Dang. And he started dating Miss Piggy too?” “Don’t remind me.” muttered Kermit. “But that doesn’t matter now.” said Kermit in lighter tone, “‘Cause I’m stayin’ here now!” “Well...I guess you could at least stay for the night.” “Thanks man.” said Kermit as he wandered off away from Nerd, “You da real MVP.” “You could’ve detached yourself this whole time?!?” Nerd shouted after Kermit. When he got no response, he rushed to the bathroom to wash his slimy hand.

## Chapter 3

The next morning, sunlight shone through Nerd’s bedroom window. Nerd rolled over to find Tommy sleeping at the end of his bed. Nerd sighed happily and petted his cat behind the ears. “Hey Tommy.” said Nerd as he pulled himself out of bed. “Hey I had a crazy dream last night.” Nerd walked into the hallway and Tommy followed, almost as if he was listening, and stopped, waiting outside the bathroom for Nerd to use it. “A jerky Kermit the Frog came into my house and…” Nerd opened the bathroom and saw that the bathroom closet was trashed, the mirror had ‘KeRmIt WuZ hErE’ written in green paint and Kermit was sitting on the toilet. “Do you mind?!?” shouted Kermit as Nerd slammed the door shut. Nerd turned to look down at Tommy and said, “Clearly it wasn’t a dream.” Tommy, who wasn’t exactly sure whether the fleshy thing on the toilet was edible, tilted his head down the stairs as if to say; “How about you feed me now.” “Alright.” sighed Nerd, “Let’s get you fed.” Nerd headed down the stairs, opened the fridge and removed Tommy’s food can. He scooped several spoonfuls of slimy brown cat food into Tommy’s bowl and presented it to him. Tommy stuck his face into the bowl and started wolfing down his food. Nerd went back into the fridge and pulled out a carton of milk. He closed the door and saw Kermit staring back at him. “Do *I* get food?” asked Kermit in a very snotty tone. Nerd sighed and reopened the fridge to examine its contents. “Well, that depends…do you like cat food?” Tommy, very suddenly, pulled his head out of the bowl and stared at Nerd with such ferocity that he and Kermit backed away a little. “So cat food’s off the menu.” said Nerd nervously. Nerd dug through the fridge and pulled out a ziploc bag that emitted a foul odor. “How about this expired cheese?” “WHAT?!” shouted Kermit in disgust. He grabbed the bag in his mouth and tossed it out the window. “Where’s the real food?!” He demanded. “I’m not giving you my food.” retorted Nerd. “You’d better!” snapped back Kermit; “Or I’ll…” “Or you’ll what?” asked Nerd who was getting tired of this, “Or you’ll trash my bathroom? Oh wait, you already did!” Kermit was about to say something else when suddenly there came a cry from outside; “WHO THREW THIS?!” Slowly and nervously, Nerd looked out the window to see a group of college age men wearing leather jackets and standing next to motorcycles. They were The Polesmashers; Woodbridge’s most infamous street gang and their leader, a tall man by the name of Matt Harolds with curly blonde hair and a sizable mustache had moldy cheese dripping down his cheek and a slimy ziploc bag caught in his hair. “We know you're in there, Nerd Boy.” shouted Matt as he wiped the cheese out of his hair. And unless you come outside right now with your hands up; you’re gonna wish you were never born!”

## Chapter 4

“Kermit, do you have any idea what you’ve done?!” hissed Nerd as he ducked beneath the window sill. Kermit raised himself up, looked out the window at The Polesmashers then lowered back down to Nerd. “Who are those losers?” “Those ‘losers’ are The Polesmashers and in case you didn’t know; they are *very* dangerous people! And now you’ve gotten me on their bad side!” Kermit chuckled to himself and Nerd got really pissed; “You think that’s funny?!!” He said as loud as he dared, “Polesmashers is a funny name.” said Kermit. He then got up and started walking to the door, leading Nerd with him. “Where are you going?!” asked Nerd in distress. Kermit turned with a look that made Nerd nervous, “Imma take care of those punks!” Nerd stood and looked at Kermit in confusion, “You’d do that for me?” “Well…” said Kermit as he fumbled with the doorknob. “You could’ve left on the road to rot but you didn’t. So I guess I owe you something.” Reluctantly but also with interest to see where this would lead, Nerd opened the door and Kermit walked into Nerd’s front room. He looked around and saw a hat rack next to the door. “Are you using this?” asked Kermit, “No.” Nerd replied. “Great. Then take it with us. We’re gonna need it.” Kermit pushed the door open as a bewildered Nerd grabbed the hat-rack. Kermit and Nerd stepped out onto the porch and The Polesmashers (except Matt) stepped back in shock. “Whoa bro.” said one of the fatter ones, “What’s wrong with your hand?” “Listen up you hormonal freaks!” shouted Kermit. The Polesmashers were at first taken aback but then realized they’d been insulted and gave Kermit menacing looks. “I’m giving you one chance to back off before I give you the biggest beat-down of your pathetic little lives!” The Polesmashers laughed and Matt stepped forward. “Oh yeah? Newsflash; you’re a talking hand! What’re you gonna do?” “Well for starters…” said Kermit as he scooted toward the bushes on the side of Nerd’s porch, “I’m actually a frog. And secondly…” Kermit ducked into the bush and reemerged holding a rock in his mouth. “Mis is whut I’m funna dew!” muffled Kermit between the rock. He then chucked in the rock at the biggest of The Polesmashers. The rock hit the guy in the center of the forehead and he fell over unconscious. The Polesmashers watched him fall then turned to look at Matt. “Kill that guy.” was all Matt said and The Polesmashers charged at Kermit and Nerd. Kermit leapt off Nerd’s arm and attached himself to a slimmer man with glasses and many pimples. Kermit bashed his head into the glasses guy’s chin repeatedly and he ran screaming while Kermit chanted; “Why’re you hitting yourself? Why’re you hitting yourself?” A few of The Polesmashers ran off after the glasses guy while the remaining three charged Nerd. Nerd, suddenly overcome with a surge of confidence, swung the hat rack and knocked one of the attackers. He dodged a few punches from the second and then bashed him over the head with the hat-rack, taking him out. Nerd started to swing the rack toward the third, but he caught it and snapped it in half. The strong man chuckled, “I don’t look it, but I can bench at least 4 times my weight.” Nerd looked down at the man who barely came up to his shoulders, “Is that supposed to be impressive?” The strong man kicked Nerd in the groin and sent him flying into the bushes. In the next yard over, Kermit had finished off the rest of The Polesmashers and detached himself from the glasses guy and hurried over to Nerd’s aid. Nerd slowly rose as the strong man prepared to take another swing. But before he could do so, Kermit lept back onto Nerd and uppercutted the strong man, sending him smashing through a table on Nerd’s porch and knocking him out. Kermit and Nerd rose to hear a clapping noise. The two turned to see Matt clapping his hands. “You two are stronger than I thought.” He reached into a duffel bag sitting on the seat of his motorcycle and pulled out a large gun-like weapon. He activated it and it hummed menacingly. “Now let’s see you take on a real challenge.”

## Chapter 5

Kermit and Nerd dived into the bushes as Matt fired. From the gun’s barrel came a beam of orange energy which caused Nerd’s front door to explode. Matt cocked his gun and aimed at the bushes. Kermit and Nerd went running as Matt fired again, blowing up the bushes. “How do we stop that thing?” Nerd shouted as he and Kermit kept running. “I thought you were the nerd around here!” replied Kermit as he ducked with Nerd to dodge another one of Matt’s attacks. As Nerd crawled along on the ground to avoid the oncoming fire, he was able to get a good look at Matt’s weapon. It clearly wasn’t man-made, it looked way too futuristic and had strange scribblings that look like they were in another language. He also noticed that just above the trigger was an orange, glowing orb in a glass container. “That must be the generator.” thought Nerd, rolling out of the way of another shot. Seeing a slight crack and the glass, Nerd quickly conceived a plan. “Do you trust me?” shouted Nerd. Kermit looked at Nerd in bewilderment then replied, “I guess.” “Good.” Nerd ripped Kermit off his arm and threw him toward the orb. Kermit screamed in panic then his head collided with the glass container. The glass smashed and the gun’s humming stopped. Matt shook the barrel in panic but then was headbutted/uppercutted by Kermit, causing him to fall over backward. Kermit slunk back onto Nerd’s arm as Nerd stood up. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but that was a good idea.” said Kermit as he dusted himself off. “Ummm, thanks?” replied Nerd. He picked up the gun with his free hand and studied it. Kermit looked over, noticed the markings then said, “Hey I’ve seen markings like those before.” “Where?” asked Nerd in curiosity. “In the forest. Come on, I’ll show you.” Kermit started off down the road and Nerd, this time not so reluctantly, found himself following.

## Chapter 6

After about a good half an hour of walking, Kermit led Nerd up a hill to a place Nerd recognized as The Light Forest. He would often walk through the forest to get to Jameson Nineteen’s house. The two walked along the path until they came to a large sewer grate. Kermit stopped and pulled off the grate. The two stared down into the dark hole for a moment before Nerd broke the silence, “You don’t seriously think I’m going down there do you?” “Well it’s your choice.” replied Kermit in a mischievous tone, “We could always go home and you could never know where that gun came from.” Nerd groaned and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a mask and put it on. “If I get some kinda mad sewer disease from this, you’re getting my medical bill.” Nerd closed his eyes and jumped. The two fell for a moment then landed on a surface Nerd was expecting to be slimy or wet but instead was hard and metallic. Nerd pulled out his phone and turned on the flashlight. In the dim light, Nerd realized he was inside some kind of metallic dome. There were shards of light blue glass sticking out of dirt filled walls. It appeared that it had once been some kind of spacecraft that had crashed. The walls were mostly destroyed, but the ones that weren’t were covered in the markings Nerd had seen on the gun. Kermit led Nerd down a hallway until they came to a large room. At the center of the room was a large display case containing many extraterrestrial-like weapons. “Man.” said Nerd, “Could you imagine if the government knew about this place?” “Yeah.” replied Kermit flatly, “That’s why I don’t think we should tell anyone about this.” Nerd was about to agree when he noticed something on the case; one of the weapon holsters was empty. It was about medium sized and looked like it could fit a large rifle. “Hey Kermit?” said Nerd, not taking his eyes off the holster. “I think we found where…” But Nerd stopped when he turned to look at Kermit. Kermit was starring, almost in a trance, at a small, shiny piece of technology that resembled a toe-nail clipper. “Shiny…” was all Kermit said as he approached it. “Kermit, don’t!” shouted Nerd, but it was too late. Kermit removed the weapon from its holster and suddenly, red lights began flashing and an alarm started blaring. From what was left of the walls, guns that looked identical to the one Matt had shooted out from the walls and took aim at Kermit and Nerd. “Oops.” was all Kermit could say.