Shanghaied EQG Version A Spongebob Parody

**Rainbow Dash:** *(yawns)* Mmm, Wonderbolt Os! With one of eight essential prizes inside! *[checks in the cereal box but then a giant anchor comes crashing through Rainbow Dash's house]* Holy smokes! *[runs out to Adagio Dazzle]* Adagio! The sky had a baby from my cereal box! Adagio! *[Adagio pokes her head through her window]* Adagio! The sky had a baby!

**Adagio Dazzle:** *[Looks at the anchor and annoyed at Rainbow Dash's idiocy]* That's not a baby! That's a giant anchor! Now go away! *[Pinkie Pie comes over]*

**Pinkie Pie:** *[Stupidly]* Hey, Dashie! The sky had a baby!

**Rainbow Dash:** I know! What do you think we should name it?

**Pinkie Pie:** How about...

**Adagio Dazzle:** Why don't you two go climb its anchor rope? I'm sure it goes somewhere far away! *[Anchor crashes into Adagio Dazzle's house]* Now look what you've done!

**Rainbow Dash:** We didn't do it, Adagio. Our hands are clean! *[She and Pinkie Pie show their spotless hands]*

**Pinkie Pie:** Clean...

**Sci-Twi:** *(walks in)* Hey girls, what's going on?

**Adagio Dazzle:** *[on top of her House]* Well, I'm gonna get to the bottom of this thing.

**Rainbow Dash:** Wouldn't that be the top? *[Adagio Dazzle starts to climb rope]*

**Rainbow Dash:** Adagio, Wait! Wait!

**Pinkie Pie:** Adagio. *[Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Sci-Twi start climbing rope also]*

**Sci-Twi:** I might be Dangerous!

**Narrator:** A few inches later...

**Rainbow Dash:** *[points up]* Ship!

**Pinkie Pie:** Dashie, how long are you gonna stay in your little fantasy world?

**Rainbow Dash:** No, look, a giant ship! *[A giant green ship is seen. Pinkie Pie and Sci-Twi start is shocked to see she was wrong while Adagio Dazzle is not fazed.]*

**Sci-Twi:** That ship looks messy.

**Adagio Dazzle:** Great! Let's go! Now I can finally give this anchor-dropper a piece of my mind.

**Rainbow Dash:** I don't know, Dagie. That ship has a spooky green glow around it.

**Adagio Dazzle:** That's probably because its good-for-nothing owner is too lazy to clean or drop its anchors in the right place.

**Rainbow Dash:** Adagio, Wait! *[all 4 reach the top]*

**Adagio Dazzle:** All right, who owns this crate? *[notices a door that says "owner" and begins to knock on it]* Come on out! I wanna file a complaint! *[Rainbow Dash looks around the ship]*

**Rainbow Dash:** Doesn't this place seem familiar?

**Pinkie Pie:** I don't know. Why?

**Rainbow Dash:** I don't know. Doesn't it just kind of ring a bell? *[Adagio Dazzle rings the doorbell]*

**Pinkie Pie:** Yes!

**Sci-Twi:** You're all right!

**Rainbow Dash:** I know who owns this boat but I just can't place the name. *[Rainbow Dash walks by a barrel that says "property of the The Ghostly Beard Pirate"]*

**Ghostly Beard Pirate:** Rawr!

**Rainbow Dash:** No, no, it's not "rawr!"

**Ghostly Beard Pirate:** I am the Ghostly Beard Pirate!

**Rainbow Dash:** That's it! *[Stupidly]* Dagie, this ship belongs to the Red Baron!

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Who be disturbin' the Ghostly Beard Pirate in his own lair?

**Rainbow Dash:** *[Oblivious]* It's Adagio. She wants to complain to you. *[The Ghostly Beard Pirate gives an evil look to Adagio Dazzle as he waits for answer]*

**Adagio Dazzle:** *[Nervously]* I...no, I don't.

**Rainbow Dash:** Well, what about all that stuff about him having a dirty ship and being lazy and all? *[The Ghostly Beard Pirate glares angrily at Adagio Dazzle]*

**Adagio Dazzle:** *[laughs nervously]* I never said that.

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Insultin' a man's ship be worse than insultin' his mother!

**Rainbow Dash:** No, no, wait, it was his mother you said was dirty, not his ship. *[The Ghostly Beard Pirate shoots fire out his nose frying up Adagio Dazzle]*

**Adagio Dazzle:** *[screams]* Ow.

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** *[looks over to Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Sci-Twi]* You're next!

**Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Sci-Twi:** *[scream and jumps off the ship]* That was a close one! *[land back on the ship]*

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Welcome Back!

**Rainbow Dash:** *[she, Pinkie Pie and Sci-Twi scream and jump off the ship]* That was a closer one! *[land back on the ship]*

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Welcome Back! *[Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Sci-Twi scream and jump off the ship]*

**Adagio Dazzle:** Hey! How come when they act up, all they get is the welcome wagon? If you ask me, it's... *[The Ghostly Beard Pirate zaps Adagio Dazzle while Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Sci-Twi land back on the ship]*

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** So, are you gonna try that again?

**Pinkie Pie:** Probably. *[The Ghostly Beard Pirate zaps Adagio Dazzle]*

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** How 'bout now?

**Pinkie Pie:** Uhh...

**Adagio Dazzle:** *[covers Pinkie Pie's mouth with her hand]* No, no, they're not. Whew. *[The Ghostly Beard Pirate zaps Adagio Dazzle]*

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Now listen. *[takes out a "Ghost Rule Book"]* Whosoever sets foot on The Ghostly Beard Pirate's ship, uninvited or otherwise, shall become members of his ghostly crew forever! *[closes rule book]* And, uhh *[opens rule book]*, ever. *[closes rule book]*

**Adagio Dazzle:** Will we be getting business cards?

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** *[zaps her once more]* Silence! You're part of my crew now, and our job is to sail around and frighten people. It'll be grueling, mind- numbing, and repetitive. Just like...daytime television.

**Adagio Dazzle:** Now you listen here, mister. If you think I'm gonna spend more than five minutes on this dumpster, then you're crazy. I mean, look at this place. It's disgusting! *[holds up a green jockstrap]* Whoever told you that having oil lamps next to hardwood paneling was a good idea... *[The Ghostly Beard Pirate picks up Her]* Oh, oh, now what? I suppose you're gonna show me... *[The Ghostly Beard Pirate unzips something in mid-air]* Oh, gee, that's very nice. What is this, some kind of magic act? *[The Ghostly Beard Pirate tosses Adagio Dazzle into the Fly of Despair. Adagio Dazzle screams as she falls inside the Fly of Despair. The three teenagers watch Adagio Dazzle disappear from sight with a clearly worried expression.]*

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** *[closes Fly of Despair]* Would anyone else like to enter the "Fly of Despair"?

**Rainbow Dash:** *[Terrified]* No! We know our place now, Mister Captain!

**Pinkie Pie:** *[Terrified as well]* We'll do anything you say!

**Sci-Twi:** *[Also terrified as well]* Yeah, Anything!

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Then, for starters, you can...swab the deck! *[hands them a mop and a bucket]*

**Rainbow Dash:** Look, Pinkie Pie! A real, live, ghost mop!

**Pinkie Pie:** And I got this hat!

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Listen! We're heading down to Canterlot tonight for a little haunting spree, so I want this ship to look good and scary!

**Rainbow Dash:** You mean you want it to look good...and scary. Well, I think we can probably...

**Pinkie Pie:** No, no, I think he means he wants it to look so good that it's scary.

**Rainbow Dash:** Or maybe that by looking so scary you forget that it doesn't look good!

**Pinkie Pie:** I don't get it.

**Rainbow Dash:** Look, it's easy, it simply means that...

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Never mind what it means! I just want it to look scary! That's it! You know, mold growing on the ceilings and bugs in the sink.

**Rainbow Dash:** So, you don't want it to look good?

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Get moving! *[Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Sci-Twi are scared and start mopping]*

**Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Sci-Twi:** *[singing, while sweeping with the mop and bucket]* A sailor's life is a wonderful life / A wonderful life for sure!

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** What a night be this! Crew, howl with me so that we might set Equestria ablaze with fear! *[howls like a wolf]*

**Rainbow Dash:** *[bleats like a sheep]*

**Pinkie Pie:** Leedle-leedle-leedle-lee!

**Sci-Twi:** *(Sighs)* This is pathetic.

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** *[howls like a wolf]*

**Rainbow Dash:** *[bleats like a sheep]*

**Pinkie Pie:** Leedle-leedle-leedle-lee! *[The Ghostly Beard Pirate is going to howl again but Pinkie Pie cuts him off]* Leedle-eedle-eedle- eedle-eedle! *[The Ghostly Beard Pirate is going to howl again but Pinkie Pie cuts him off]* Leedle-eedle-eedle-eedle-eedle! *[The Ghostly Beard Pirate is going to howl again but Pinkie Pie cuts him off]* Leedle-eedle-eedle-eedle-eedle!

*[Very long and awkward silence]*

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Eh, that'll do. Okay, Blue One, since Pink One's working the navigation, it's up to you to find our first victim. Here, use this spyglass. Now hurry up! We're burnin' moonlight!

**Rainbow Dash:** Let's see who we can find. *[spins telescope on ground]* Captain, there's a guy we can scare. *[telescope points to a big tough guy. The Ghostly Beard Pirate stares wide eyed, then nervously blows on the telescope, spinning it slightly to land on Sweetie Belle]*

**Sweetie Belle:** *[sing-song voice]* I had four biscuits, and I ate one. Then I only had three!

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Ahh, it does me heart good to see children out after dark. Pink One, take us behind those rocks.

**Pinkie Pie:** Moving behind the rocks!

**Sci-Twi:** No Pinkie Pie, Wait!

*[Pinkie Pie moves the ship, scratches and tears up through the rocky parts of the ground]*

**Rainbow Dash:** Keep going. You're good. You're good. You're good...and...stop. Don't worry, Captain'n, we'll buff out those scratches.

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** All right, never mind it. Just jump out when I give the signal. *[The Ghostly Beard Pirate scares Sweetie Belle from behind a rock]*

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Boo! Prepare to be burdened with the haunting memory of my ghostly ghost pirates! *[points to Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie who just get confuse]*

**Rainbow Dash:** Was that the signal? Okay, sorry, sorry, just...just do it again.

**Sci-Twi:** *(sighs)* This stinks.

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** With the haunting memory of my ghostly ghost pirates! *[Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Sci-Twi come out and Rainbow Dash does a little trick with her fingers Sci-Twi Facepalms]*

**Pinkie Pie:** How does he do that?

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Get back on the ship.

**Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie: *'***It's still a mystery!

**Sci-Twi:** We're sorry.

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Never mind.

**Sweetie Belle:** Those girls are dorks.

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Yes, but they're my dorks. *[goes back to showing Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie steering through the rocks tearing up the ship The Ghostly Beard Pirate looks annoyed]*

**Rainbow Dash:** You're good. You're good. You're good. *[The Ghostly Beard Pirate scares the three flower girls Roseluck, Lily Valley and Daisy bubbles appear on the screen]*

**Ghostly Beard Pirate:** Huh? *[Rainbow Dash is blowing bubbles and Pinkie Pie waves a tin foil to make sound effects. Sci-Twi facepalms Later shown the ship is still getting wrecked]*

**Rainbow Dash:** You're good. You're good. You're Good. *[Big Mac and Sugar belle walk down the street for a date The Ghostly Beard Pirate appears through a wall scaring them Rainbow and Pinkie try do the same but they crash the wall Rainbow Dash. Sci-Twi facepalms Later shown the ship is still getting wrecked]* You're good.. You're good. You're good. *[The Ghostly Beard Pirate scares Lyra and Bon Bon rotating his head while Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie figure- skate in purple tights. Sci-Twi puts her hand on her face and shakes her head, back on the ship]*

**Rainbow Dash:** Why do you think the Ghostly Beard Pirate asked us to wait in our bunk room?

**Pinkie Pie:** Maybe he's gonna give us a reward!

**Rainbow Dash:** Like movie passes?

**Pinkie Pie:** Or an oversized coffee mug?!

**Sci-Twi:** Or he feels disappointed because we failed him. *[both start bouncing insanely less Sci-Twi]*

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** I've been thinking. Stop bouncing! *[both stop]* This whole crew for eternity thing isn't working out. It's not really you so much as it is me.

**Rainbow Dash:** You're setting us free?

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Well, actually, I'm just gonna eat you. See you at dinner! *[Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie And Sci-Twi scream]*

**Sci-Twi:** *[frightened with eyes widened]* What we are gonna do?!

**Pinkie Pie:** Wait, I have an idea!

**Rainbow Dash:** Really?! What is it?

**Pinkie Pie:** Let's leave!

**Rainbow Dash:** But the door is locked and the only way out is through the...perfume department. *[points to a room full of perfume and a lot of customers]*

**Pinkie Pie:** Let's do it. *[Rainbow Dash gulps, They try to run through the department but get sprayed with all sorts of perfume. Someone even goes as far as removing Pinkie Pie's gas mask and spraying her in the face with perfume]*

**Rainbow Dash:** *[panting]* I always hate going in there!

**Pinkie Pie:** Yeah.

**Rainbow Dash:** *[hears something strange]* Wait! Listen! *[The Ghostly Beard Pirate is in his room]*

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Dear Diary: I told them I'm going to eat them tomorrow. I made up some of that brown sauce my cousin showed me just for the occasion. Ahh, it's a good thing I found my dining sock again. Remember the last time I lost me dining sock, I couldn't eat for a whole week. Yes, sir, sometimes I wonder how I'd survive if anything should ever happen... *[notices sock is gone and sees Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie And Sci-Twi peeping on him before escaping.]*

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** *[On the ship, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Sci-Twi are running but the The Ghostly Beard Pirate pops out in front of them]* Give me back my sock! Everyone knows I can't eat without it!

**Rainbow Dash:** Never!

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Okay, then... *[tries to zap Rainbow Dash but She holds up the sock as protection]* Give it to me!

**Rainbow Dash:** No! *[Sock begins to tear]*

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** *[panicking]* Wait, you're stretching out the elastic!

**Pinkie Pie:** It would seem we have reached an impasse.

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Pink one is right. Tell you what. You give me back the sock, and I'll give you...three wishes.

**Pinkie Pie:** Make it five.

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Four.

**Pinkie Pie:** Three. Take it or leave it.

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** *(gives her an odd stare)* Okay...uhh, three. You get three wishes.

**Rainbow Dash:** Wow! Three wishes, Girls. Isn't that great?

**Pinkie Pie:** Wishes? I wish we had known that earlier! *[clock goes backwards one minute]*

**Sci-Twi:** Pinkie Pie!

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Okay, you got two wishes left. *[Pinkie Pie smiles with embarrassment at an angry Rainbow Dash and Sci-Twi]*

**Rainbow Dash:** Well, we still have two more. How exciting! I wish Adagio were here to see this.

*[Cut to Adagio Dazzle still* *falling through a hole in the Fly Of Despair and crashes onto her bed]*

**Adagio Dazzle:** Boy, I'm glad all that's over! *[re-appears on the ship]*

**Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie:** Adagio! you're back!

**Sci-Twi:** *(annoyed)* Welcome to my world.

**Rainbow Dash:** Guess what? The Ghostly Beard Pirate gave us three wishes! Pinkie Pie used the first one, and I guess I... *[realizing]* just used the second one.

**Adagio Dazzle:** Well, then, the last one you owe me because you got me back into this mess!

**Pinkie Pie:** Wait! I think it belongs to me! *[everyone starts to argue]* Because I didn't really get a real wish, so why should you get a wish...

**Sci-Twi:** No, I want the last wish!

**Rainbow Dash:** Well, that's not right because... *[their arguing devolves into incoherent yelling, babbling and shouting]*

### Rainbow Dash's Ending.

*[...]*

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** That's enough! Using my mystic other-worldly powers, I shall decide who gets the last wish. *[uses the eeny- meenie-minie-mo method]* Eeny, meeny, miny, mo, catch a sailor by the toe, if she hollers, let her go, my mother told me to pick the very best one and... *[finishing eenie-meenie-minie-mo]* You are it! *[stops on Rainbow Dash]*

**Adagio Dazzle:** Now, think, Rainbow Dash! We're about to get eaten. What can you wish for to make it so we don't get eaten?

**Rainbow Dash:** Don't worry, Adagio. I've got it all figured out. He won't be able to eat us because...I wish the Ghostly Beard Pirate was a vegetarian! *[The Ghostly Beard Pirate turns into a vegetarian and Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Sci-Twi and Adagio Dazzle re-appear in front of Rainbow Dash's house but you can only see their heads]*

**Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Sci-Twi and Adagio Dazzle:** Hooray!

**Rainbow Dash:** We're home!

**Pinkie Pie:** You did it Dashie. We're saved!

**Sci-Twi:** Yeah, you did it!

**Adagio Dazzle:** But why have we been turned into fruits? *[their bodies have been turned into fruits and they are in a blender]*

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Hey, I get a wish, too. Fruit prevents scurvy! *[slices a banana while whistling Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Sci-Twi and Adagio Dazzle bounce away in the blender]* Hey, get back here with that! *[He chases them around the ship, which is now a hippie-themed Volkswagen with a main mast. Episode ends.]*

*[...]*

### Pinkie Pie's Ending

*[...]*

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** That's enough! Using my mystic other-worldly powers, I shall decide who gets the last wish. *[uses the eeny- meenie-minie-mo method]* Eeny, meeny, miny, mo, catch a sailor by the toe, if she hollers, let her go, my mother told me to pick the very best one and... *[finishing eenie-meenie-minie-mo]* You are it! *[stops on Pinkie Pie]*

**Rainbow Dash:** That's you, Pinks. Make your wish.

**Pinkie Pie:** Umm...

**Adagio Dazzle:** Wait, Pinkie. Listen, I do not particularly want to be trapped here for all eternity. Eternity is a very long time... *[demonstrates the length of eternity as if it were a piece of string. Pinkie Pie's eyes look at each end]* Understand?

**Rainbow Dash:** *[rushes in]* Pinkie Pie, you've got to think harder than you ever thought before.

**Sci-Twi:** I don't wanna be eaten!

**Pinkie Pie:** Uhh...

**Rainbow Dash:** That's not going to do it! Think harder!

**Pinkie Pie:** *[thinks harder]* Uhh...

**Adagio Dazzle:** *[simultaneously with Rainbow Dash and Sci-Twi]* You can do it! Come on! Put on your thinking cap! Come on!

**Rainbow Dash:** *[simultaneously with Adagio Dazzle and Sci-Twi]* Come on, Pinkie Pie! Yes, think, think really hard! *[Pinkie Pie goes really intensely thinking]* Yes, Pinkie Pie! You're doing good!

**Sci-Twi:** *[simultaneously with Adagio Dazzle and Rainbow Dash]* You can do it Pinkie!

**Pinkie Pie:** *[her head's toaster ejects bread]* Okay! I got it!

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Thou wish is granted.

*[Gum appears in Pinkie Pie's hand. She eats some gum.]*

**Pinkie Pie:** Oh, I'm sorry... Want some gum?

*[Rainbow Dash, Sci-Twi and Adagio Dazzle are shocked]*

**Sci-Twi:** What?!

**Adagio Dazzle:** You wished for gum?

**Pinkie Pie:** Well, if we're going to be there forever, we might as well have fresh breath!

*[Rainbow Dash, Sci-Twi and Adagio Dazzle take a piece of gum each and chews some gum as well]*

*[Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Sci-Twi and Adagio Dazzle complain in The Ghostly Beard Pirate's belly]*

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Ahh... Minty!

*[...]*

### Adagio Dazzle's Ending.

*[...]*

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** That's enough! Using my mystic other-worldly powers, I shall decide who gets the last wish. *[uses the eeny- meenie-minie-mo method]* Eeny, meeny, miny, mo, catch a sailor by the toe, if she hollers, let her go, my mother told me to pick the very best one and... *[finishing eenie-meenie-minie-mo]* You are it! *[stops on Adagio Dazzle]*

**Rainbow Dash:** Adagio! You get to have a wish! A great big wish!

**Adagio Dazzle:** That's right! And you know what I wish?

**Pinkie Pie:** No!

**Adagio Dazzle:** I wish that I never met you three knuckle-heads before in my entire life!

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** So be it. *[magically makes Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Sci-Twi not know Adagio Dazzle]*

**Rainbow Dash:** Hi there. I don't believe we've met. My name is Rainbow Dash and this is my friends Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle.

**Pinkie Pie:** Hi.

**Sci-Twi:** Hello.

**Adagio Dazzle:** That's *not* what I meant!

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Well, now that introductions are out of the way, it's time for dinner. *[grabs out a metal knife and fork]*

**Rainbow Dash:** *[in The Ghostly Beard Pirate's belly]* And what did you say your name was?

**Adagio Dazzle:** *[also in The Ghostly Beard Pirate's belly]* I'm Adagio Dazzle. I'm from the Dazzlings.

**Rainbow Dash:** Oh, nice to meet you, Adagio Dazzle. We have plenty of time to know each other, I guess. *[laughs]*

*[...]*

### Twilight Sparkle (Sci-Twi's) Ending.

*[...]*

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** That's enough! Using my mystic other-worldly powers, I shall decide who gets the last wish. *[uses the eeny- meenie-minie-mo method]* Eeny, meeny, miny, mo, catch a sailor by the toe, if she hollers, let her go, my mother told me to pick the very best one and... *[finishing eenie-meenie-minie-mo]* You are it! *[stops on Sci-Twi]*

**Rainbow Dash:** You got the last wish Twi!

**Adagio Dazzle:** Quick, make your wish to get out of here!

**Pinkie Pie:** I don't wanna be trapped here!

**Sci-Twi:** Don't worry girls, I got it, I wish we were all home.

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** As your wish.

*[Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Sci-Twi and Adagio Dazzle re-appear in front of Sci-Twi's house]*

**Rainbow Dash:** You did it Twilight we're home!

**Pinkie Pie:** Yeah, we're saved!

**Adagio Dazzle:** Yeah! But why have we been turned into eggs?

*[they have been turned into eggs in a frying pan with beacon]*

**Ghostly Beard** **Pirate:** Time to eat my breakfast!

*[Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Sci-Twi and Adagio Dazzle screams]*