The Futuristic Testament

***Before you read what is beneath, remember that our limited vocabulary, minds and ideas cannot express, nor comprehend, the true nature and history of The Messiah. We strive to find the truth, but our efforts are nowhere near enough to understand the true history behind the one almighty entity: The Messiah.***

### ***Tony is eternal”***

Many decades after the last of the brutal wars in a lower stack of reality, humans were now very scientifically advanced and were conducting experiments and investigations which will never be able to be performed for a long time. The ancient empire was able to use black holes safely to traverse into different universes, but there was still one solar object which lay beyond their grasp, the Sun. But a group of scientists sought to change that, and the lead scientist was called Nathan Liu.

He attempted to harness more solar energy from the sun and to build apparatus to supply the sun with an infinite fuel source to prevent it from ever incinerating our Earth in billions and billions of years.

After many years of sweating and toiling away in a shady failure basement while being constantly reprimanded for his failure, disappointment and being spanked and getting his ass whipped by his Asian mother, Nathan finally developed the apparatus to supply the sun with fuel to keep it as an infinite fuel source for humanity.

He used a probe with fire resistance 10 to build the contraption, and it began to steadily supply the sun with fuel, and humans could now access an infinite energy resource.

But Nathan was still a failure, and was the cause of all misfortune.

Somehow, he thought that 6mg + 9mg = 69420 Tonnes and inputted too much fuel into the sun, causing its fission to rapidly increase and emit copious amounts of energy as heat, and the sun began to increase in temperature until it became unbelievably hot.

The machine kept on funnelling in energy, until the sun exploded, causing the solar system to shake and the Earth to go dark and cold. The main source of energy for the earth was destroyed, and nearly all inhabitants were killed and much of the revolutionary technology was permanently erased from existence.

The only human left was Nathan, an Asian failure.

Consumed by remorse and failure, he spent even more time working to build a time machine to reverse the damage he had brought upon the world.

Soon he was able to craft the legendary machine, which resembled one of those telephone box things from Doctor Who. However it was still a prototype, and he accidentally transported himself to 69 BCE. At that time, Tony manifested in Jerusalem, and he came across Nathan. Nathan attempted to communicate with Tony, but Tony sent him a telepathic message about who he was and teleported them both into a very luxurious residence which he had created.

They lived there for 69 years until 0 BCE, when Tony got bored of the mundanity of his creations and ascended back to the Higher Realm. He deployed Chukwudi, his most faithful and powerful servant, to replace him and bestow wisdom and enlightenment upon the commoners. Chukwudi’s power and wisdom soon became known to many, and he became famous by his alias, Jesus. Nathan, who was still trying to rectify the damage he had caused, sought Chukwudi for his wisdom and an answer. Chukwudi knew that Nathan was coming, and as Nathan approached, Chukwudi used his powers to cause the rest of the world to freeze, so none could eavesdrop on their conversation.

Nathan approached Chukwudi, and asked him how he could undo the immense damage he caused.

Chukwudi smiled and replied with 8 cryptic words: “I don’t know - You haven’t time travelled yet”.

Then he transported Nathan to 2022, and the cycle repeated, with Nathan making the sun explode and travelling back in time, and this temporal paradox caused an infinite time loop, which is one of the most powerful phenomena possible, because if Chukwudi broke the loop the loop would never have happened and Chukwudi would never have broken the loop so the loop would keep on going but Chukwudi would have broken the loop, and Chukwudi would also be trapped in the time loop and created a paradox which would cause the timeline to corrupt, glitch or even implode. But Tony decided to intervene. He would end the time loop by stopping Nathan from accidentally transporting himself to 69 BC. After many repetitions, Nathan ended up in 2076, 1 year before the explosion of the sun. He successfully prevented the sun’s explosion, and Tony also stopped the unravelling of the timeline.

After a few years, Nathan was purchasing furniture at IKEA to decorate his lonely introverted home, but he made an heinous mistake, and tried to pronounce the names of the furniture. His bad pronunciation combined with the odd names resulted in him accidentally reciting an ancient summoning ritual, and he conjured a portal to a world which was sustained by a very powerful being.

He decided to enter for some obscure reason, and he found himself on a cliff which looked out into a seemingly endless barren forest. The sun was slightly setting, but did not seem to move. There was no sign of life, and it was eerily silent, except for a gentle trickling of liquid in a nearby river. Nathan descended the cliff and walked further, but he suddenly realised there was no portal for him to return through. Soon he became thirsty, and went to drink from a nearby river. Despite the water-like look, the liquid tasted sour and bitter, and made him dizzy.

However his thirst was quenched, and he was able to keep on exploring the unknown realm. Nathan eventually saw the first signs of life, which were several vaguely humanoid creatures in a patch of trees. As he got closer, he saw that the creatures resemble apes, and there was one taller and bigger ape which was probably their leader, but it had no head. Where it’s head should have been there was a glowing pentagram surrounded by dots which came in and out of focus, and seemed to crackle like TV static. They seemed to sense Nathan’s presence, and they turned and began to advance towards him, arms outstretched like zombies. Nathan ‘ran’ although he was very slow because he spent all his time sweating at a desk doing maths while being spanked. Then he felt a strong grip on his shoulder, and he was thrown into a tree. He gripped onto the trunk, and looked down to see the creatures climbing up, and he realised he had no escape. Then he heard a big slapping noise, and he felt the tree trunk shake with immense force. He saw that the ape-like things were being destroyed by a walrus.

2 of the entities had been picked up by its flippers and were being used as clubs to beat the shit out of the rest, and it was smashing their heads in and mutilating them with its tusks, causing nearly all of them to be left as unrecognisable shreds of biomass until it encountered The Leader. It pulled an iron sword out of a wormhole and instead of stabbing the Walrus, it slammed its sword into the ground and caused a fiery explosion which incinerated the grass and nearby trees. But the walrus was too strong for such meagre abilities to harm it. It rammed into the leader with its head, slapped it with the 2 dead creatures and 360’ed it by doing a tornado slap with its tail, sending the monke crashing into a cliff which left a giant hole where the monke entered. Then the walrus disintegrated into dust, and disappeared into the Higher Realm. Nathan clumsily climbed down the tree, and sighed with relief. Nevertheless, he continued adventuring on, and then used his phone and 5G to watch some Morbius and read some extremely important religious texts such as Testaments of Tony.

After 2 hours, his phone’s screen began to glitch and play static noises. He looked up, confused, when he saw an animal several meters in front of him. It looked like a tiger but was black and white, and its head was an upside down triangle with  dots forming a vaguely recognisable circle around it. It floated above its neck but was always in focus. Nathan instinctively ran, but he was teleported back again and again. He began to panic and swear in Cantonese, Mandarin and English but his fear made the entity stronger. It grew in size, and emitted a deafening roar then pounced towards Nathan. Nathan dodged, took off his belt, and used his Asian experience to whip it across the entity’s body with huge force and a crisp \*Slap\*. After many slaps the entity was still unharmed. A crystal formed above its head and Nathan’s slaps were deflected back at him. He crumpled to the ground, covered in lacerations and wounds.

Then Chuk arrived.

He had been sent by Tony to vanquish this abomination and prevent it from spreading pain and demonic influence. Chukwudi stood his ground as the enemy lunged towards him. He conjured a cloaking barrier, and became invisible. The demon was still able to sense him, but with little clarity. It summoned skulls which flew around its head and acted as a barrier against attacks. The skulls were all unique and had been taken from each previous victim the monstrosity had killed before. Chukwudi knew all about this being’s attacks and defences, and knew that he would eventually have to strike first, but risked exposing his location.

But there was one type of attack which could penetrate the barrier, but it was only able to be performed well by Tony. Telekinesis was the ultimate way to fight anything, but it was extremely difficult, and Chukwudi could barely lift shit with his mind. He tried a laser attack, and sniped the skulls with searing hot lasers which burnt them to ash. But the demon used its powers to break the cloaking barrier and exposed Chukwudi then lifted him into the air and smashed him against the ground. Chuk was not severely injured, and he summoned thunder and lightning to smite the creature. The lightning caused it to get a few burns and caused its hologram-like head to begin to flicker and glitch, but it survived. Chuk then  channeled all of his magical power to kill the demonic entity, but despite the immense energy used, it was barely harmed. The entity then summoned its zombified minions, but they were instantly vaporised. Then the demon then attacked with all sorts of mythical attacks, but they were deflected, dodged or parried by Chuk. It tried to deflect Chuk’s attacks back at him, but it could not deflect attacks in the forms of energy, so it used its most powerful attack. It used all of its demonic strength to pin Chuk to the ground and began to break all of his bones, one by one. But then it felt something slap its neck and caused it to crumple to the floor. It was the walrus from before.

But this was no ordinary walrus. It was the animal manifestation of Tony.

Tony used his telekinetic powers to break the entity’s bind on Chuk, then erased the entity’s barrier of skulls from reality. It was then repeatedly slapped by the walrus’ flippers, which could hit targets from an infinite distance away just from telekinesis. After 6 slaps, the entity’s bones and structure had been completely deformed and shattered. After 9 slaps the entity was already dead.

Tony teleported both of them out, and destroyed the inhospitable world permanently. Nathan did not properly acknowledge Tony for some failure reason, and his car got smashed as punishment for blasphemy.

Nathan was also cursed by his stupidity, and he would cause bad things to happen wherever he was. Most incidents are Nathan’s fault, and blaming Nathan mitigates his onslaught upon our well-being.

NAAAATHHHAAAANNNNNN

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