Chapter 1/transcript

## Episode 1

***In the bright and colourful region of Biggie Falls sits The Neighbourhood, a busy little town full of weird and wonderful residents. Past the town up in the beautiful mountains and through the stunning canyons of Biggie Falls sits a far less charming structure a few miles out from town. The abandoned nuclear plant had been left for around two centuries now, and since then had become part of the environment, now intertwined with the jungle that had grown above it. Unknown to everyone, inside the power plant was a poorly put together and rundown lair.***

 Early in the morning, a helicopter soars across the sky and comes to a stop above one of the cooling towers, slowly beginning to descend into it.

 The pilot in the cockpit looks back to the passenger seat.

 “we have arrived sir”

 Baghead, the recently escaped supervillain leans forward.

 “excellent… finally i am free... hundreds of my loyal followers will have been waiting all these years…”

 “yikes”

 The helicopter lands safely at the bottom of the cooling tower.

 Baghead eagerly stands, and opens the door to step out of the helicopter.

 (dramatically) “GENTLEMEN”

 “GAZE UPON YOUR RULER… FOR HE HAS RETURNED!”

 Baghead steps out to see a mere seven of his henchmen awaiting his arrival.

 One of the henchmen awkwardly coughs, another is spinning around on a swivel chair, while another is clapping in the front, and hums into a kazoo.

 “wooo welcome home sir”

 “wait a minute what the fuck. WHERE IS EVERYONE”

 A henchman dressed in a unique black uniform steps forward.

 “welcome home sir... you will notice that our numbers have thinned out significantly”

 “WHAT-- WHY?”

 “well you’ve been locked up in the land of heroes for years sir... most people didn’t ever think you’d get out... people lost confidence in you ever returning”

 “on the bright side, your escape is all over the news and you are more relevant than ever!”

 “i- i am?”

 “yessir!”

 “is my office ready?”

 “yessir!”

 ***Baghead is standing in his newly setup office, simply a rundown room with a vintage playboy calendar pinned to the wall.***

 Baghead’s remaining henchmen stood before him.

 The notable henchman in black, Carson, steps forward.

 “with all due respect sir, what exactly do we do now that we’ve finally broken you out?”

 “i want you to send out a message to all of the cowards and deserters who gave up instead of coming to break me free, tell them that baghead has returned and i will forgive their treachery and accept them back into my service... and throw in a complimentary gift basket on offer to all those who rejoin including a toothbrush, a packet of haribos and some expensive soaps… i will personally finance this with the last of my money”

 “right away sir!”

***It’s a normal, peaceful morning in The Neighbourhood. Citizens prepare for the day ahead of them in their regular routines.***

 In the Praetor household, Pugnator Praetor, a boy of 14 is speedily eating a bowl of weetabix weetos in front of the TV.

 On the TV, the local neighbourhood news is on.

 Neighbourhood news anchor Sacha Anoose is reporting recent events.

 “reports have confirmed that the notorious supervillain baghead escaped the thicc bars prison facility late last night”

 Pugnator finishes his cereal and hastily jumps up to his feet.

 His father Irrumator Praetor drops down from above, ambushing him.

 “THINK FAST BOY”

 Alarmed, Pugnator rolls to the side and dodges the incoming attack.

 Irrumator lands on the glass table, destroying it. The glass shatters all over the floor. He stands up in a fighting stance, careless to the fact he was now bleeding.

 Faultina Praetor steps into the room with a gasp.

 “mY FUCKING TABLE ARE YOU KIDDING ME”

 “Oh SHUT UP ALREADY I WAS TRAINING THE BOY”

 “YOU’RE A FUCKING MORON”

 “OH HERE SHE GOES AGAIN”

 Pugnator stands up and grabs his schoolbag before heading for the door. This was normal for him.

 Irrumator begins to flex his muscles in front of his wife.

 “HE ISNT GONNA GET BAD BOYS LIKE THESE if HE DOESN’T PUT THE FUCKING WORK IN YOU STUPID BITCH… RIGHT NOW HE’S SCRAWNY AND WEAK”

 Pugnator grits his teeth.

 “YEAH WELL I’LL SHOW YOU ASSHOLE”

 “THAT’S THE SPIRIT BOY NOW GET TO SCHOOL YOU’LL BE LATE”

 “I HAVE TO GET TO THE SCHOOL AS WELL, SO REPLACE MY FUCKING TABLE AND CLEAN UP THIS MESS”

 “NOT MY JOB WOMAN"

 Pugnator opens the front door.

 His older sister Velma Praetor comes running down the stairs, approaching him.

 “EW MOVE PUGNATOR”

 She pushes the boy to the side and exits the house first.

 Pugnator frowns and leaves the house, his parents’ arguing getting quieter the further he got away.

 ***In the Steel household, Quenton Steel is in his police uniform, he looks at himself in the mirror, seeing a plump and tired man. He clips his badge on and heads downstairs.***

 In the kitchen, Alsimi Steel is sitting with his grandparents on his phone.

 His grandpa Brian Steel is sitting on his phone too.

 As is his grandma Helen Steel.

 The three of them are fixated on their iphones, only occasionally glancing up at the TV.

 Quenton waddles into the kitchen.

 “good morning-”

 He is met with a few mumbles. He sighs and turns his attention to the TV.

 “each region’s local police force is advising that citizens remain on the lookout for this pest or any of his gay henchmen... he could be anywhere”

 “oh yep... crazy stuff right guys? ha don't worry, if baghead turns up in our neighbourhood i’ll bring the maniac down... my force is up to the task…”

 He turns to everyone again, realising they are not paying attention to him.

 “goddammit look I have to go to work. Alsimi Steel remember to go to school soon okay? don't end up late”

 “mhm yeah yep”

 “okay... mom… dad... you’ll make sure Alsimi Steel isn’t late to school? you’ll remind him to leave?”

 “mhm yeah”

 Quenton exits the room, angrily mumbling to himself.

 Helen glances up from her phone for a moment.

 “i was completely zoned out, what did he say?”

 “probably just police stuff dear”

 ***In his apartment where he lives alone, Brock Tea is training with his punching bag, repeatedly hammering into it.***

 While he does this, the news is playing on his TV.

 “this just in, i am about to hold a live interview with this random old hobo outside of the citadel, who claims to have worthy information addressing the situation”

 Brock stops for a moment, catching his breath. The word ‘citadel’ always piqued his interest.

 The Grand Master of the citadel appears on the screen live. He appears to be an ancient wizard.

 “omg the grand master of the citadel!”

 “i should inform you i’m not a random hobo-- i am the grand master of the citadel and i wanted to address the recent breakout on the news--”

 “ohohoho-- we are interviewing the wizard himself!”

 “mmm that's right-”

 “you are the grand wizard?”

 “i’d really rather you did not call me that-”

 “the grand wizard will now speak out about the recent escapee!”

 The Grand Master sighs.

 “It's been nearly 400 years since the bedrock border was constructed by the heroic architect ned mcfuck and since the regions he united came together to form the known world that is inhabited by all of us today. while there have been various disputes in our world between regions since that day, we are very fortunate to be living in an era of peace thanks to the vigilantes of the citadel”

 Brock Tea’s head darts up with interest upon hearing this.

 “so today’s class is going to be a special one... we’re bringing in an important guest to talk to you about his profession and recent events”

 “please welcome our very own neighbourhood vigilante with a round of applause… candy callum!”

The class remain silent.

 Pugnator sighs.

 “aw no not this loser”

 “yeah candy callum is fucking lame bro”

 Candy Callum pokes his head in the door.

 “can i come in now?”

 “yes step right in callum”

 Candy Callum, a sentient candy cane made up of a variety of sweets steps into the classroom.

 “hello children, it's me candy callum! don't tell your dentists that i stopped by!”

The kids remain silent.

 “because-- they are dentists and i’m-- candy--”

 He clears his throat.

 “i am sure you all heard the troubling news that baghead is back on the loose, but don’t worry everyone, i’m going to be here to protect the neighbourhood”

 Brock is the only person in the room who starts to clap enthusiastically.

 “yes! go vigilantes of the citadel!!”

 “pfft… what are you gonna do against baghead... you’re a candy cane”

 “looks can be deceiving young man, i was able to graduate from the citadel for a reason... “

 “yeah bro but you seem pretty useless to me, i’ve never seen you move beyond walking pace, you just roam around making gay puns”

 Candy Callum sighs, and turns to Faultina.

 “how long do i have to talk for again?”

 “an hour”

 “oh boy…”

 ***In Baghead’s office, his henchmen are reporting to him.***

 “the turnout was huge sir, many of the old henchmen returned when the message was sent out”

 “excellent, how big is my army now then?”

 “the same size sir, the men just don't have the same confidence in you they once had…”

 “but-- but the complimentary gift baskets?”

 “they took the gift baskets on their way out”

 “godDAMN THEM”

 “things are looking quite bleak sir”

 “then allow me to restore your faith in what we are working towards gentlemen…”

 Baghead slowly reaches for a red marker pen on his desk and approaches the calendar.

 “its a new year... the year where the vigilantes of the citadel finally meet their match... where we finally claim what is ours by right… the world.”

 The Henchmen all look at each other.

 “we’re going to take over every region gentlemen, one by one… and i will assert myself as RULER of the known world.”

 “and what better way to start it, than by marking our first operation on my newest vintage playboy calendar? we are going to start by taking the neighbourhood”

 Baghead lifts the first page of the calendar, eagerly raising his pen, until his wicked grin is wiped clean off of his face.

 “ok this isn't funny who drew the giant penis on the first page of the calendar damn you”

 “HA”

***In the school courtyard, the boys stand talking after their first class.***

 “god that fucking sucked... how the hell is HE a vigilante”

 “i found it very inspiring! you shouldn’t be so judgemental Pugnator Praetor, good warriors can come in all shapes and sizes, what’s important is that their intentions are pure!”

 “well of course you found it inspiring, you are obsessed with the citadel”

 “it is my dream to become a vigilante and make gay sensei proud... when he visits he always tells me that one day i will be noticed and make it to the citadel”

 “pfft thats stupid”

 “i have more of a reason to train than you do! i’m working toward a real goal!”

 “i’m going to prove my stupid dad wrong and show him i’m worth something, that’s a goal! besides, i don't even WANT to be a vigilante and i’m still stronger than you!”

 “then how about we put this to the test at the end of the week with a duel! me and you! we can train for it, and have a friendly match”

 “bro where the fuck is Alsimi Steel at”

 “you’re on!”

 “he might be dead for real guys seriously”

 ***Later on, Callum approaches the candy store.***

 A shady looking man in a suit barges exits the candy store hastily and bumps into him, knocking the frail candy cane to the floor.

 “ay! watch where you're goin’ ya punk!”

 Callum gets back up and enters the candy store to see that a few jars have been knocked over, the glass shattered across the floor.

 Mr. Twix, the owner of the candy store, is beaten and bruised.

 “mr twix? what the hell happened?”

 “oh hello callum-- how did your talk at the school go?”

 “i thought it went badly but it looks like you’ve had a worse day! did the guy who just left do this? want me to go after him?”

 “no no no! i just had an accident that's all-”

 “come on mr twix you can do better than that”

 “okay-- okay-- but don’t go after him!”

 “fine, but tell me what happened”

 “its nothing, just a few debts i need to payoff, that’s all”

 “debts? what debts?”

 “just dont worry about it callum, i’ll be able to handle it”

 “but you are beaten and bruised!”

 “trust me”

 Mr. Twix smiles politely as he begins to sweep up the broken glass with a brush.

 “tell me about how your talk went”

 “the kids didn’t like me or my dentist joke… i guess i’m just a lame vigilante”

 “you are not a lame vigilante callum, you are my proudest creation, for the longest time this candy store was all i had, i knew it would be my legacy, the tiny little mark i’d leave on the world that would maybe bring a few kids joy... but you find out that kids are assholes, and they are judgemental, they can be harsh”

 Mr. Twix finishes sweeping up the mess.

 “people just haven’t had the chance to see you in action yet, they take you for being a weak warrior that would snap like a twig”

 "but i WOULD snap like a twig"

 “well yes, but you have the skills to prevent that from happening. you are strong and wise callum, and i am very proud of you... both the townspeople and the citadel will see that one day…”

 “wow thank you mr twix, i don’t know what i’d do without you”

 “speaking of which, i had something made for you”

 “you did?”

 “yes... and in good time too now that it was just revealed baghead escaped custody”

 “what is it?”

 “a new tool to your arsenal, one to really round it off... just go to reeves’ laboratory... he’s a big fan and my best customer”

 “jeez thanks mr twix... if you have any more problems with that debt, please come and talk to me, that asshole should not get off with beating you up it seems like you are in dangerous waters”

 “oh nonsense, don't you worry about me”

 Mr. Twix watches as Callum hesitantly leaves the store. He smiles at him. As soon as Callum is out of view, his smile fades and a nervous frown takes its place.

 ***At the Midnight Club, Mister Big is seated in his office at his desk.***

 Slick Tommy, the shady man from earlier, lays a few envelopes onto the desk in front of him.

 “well?”

 “almost all of them submitted payment to us on time”

 “almost?”

 “as usual, mr. twix was unable to meet the deadline… he is now months overdue”

 Mister Big leans back in his chair.

 “that’s a pity”

 ***At the nuclear plant, Baghead is holding a meeting with his remaining henchmen.***

 “gentlemen, there is a large obstacle we must face before our takeover of the neighbourhood can begin…”

 “our lack of people?”

 “the fact we have limited weapons and supplies?

 “we need to find a proper lair?”

 “okay no-- that’s enough-- we have a few obstacles we must face before our takeover can begin... but solving the one i have in mind can solve the rest easily... funding. we need money”

 “naturally, we are going to have to rob the bank, so come on everyone, what can you contribute, we need a getaway vehicle”

 “i own a golf buggy”

 “hhhhhhhhhh”

***At Reeves Laboratory, Richard Reeves Reeves, the town scientist, is showing Candy Callum his newest invention.***

 “...presenting… the melted chocolate launcher!”

 Richard holds out a grenade launcher to Callum.

 “it fits with your whole candy thing right?”

 “what does it do?”

 “it fires balls of sweet chocolatey goodness--- truly delicious--”

 “is that it?”

 “well i made some modifications that will ensure it packs quite the punch. heh. i assure you it will not disappoint

 “thank you very much for this dr. reeves”

 “it is my pleasure, the candy store is my favourite place in town, so when mr. twix comes to me requesting a favour, i am happy to oblige”

 ***That night, Callum takes to his usual rooftop spot overlooking the town.***

 On his back, he is carrying his lollipop hammer and melted chocolate launcher.

 All of a sudden, he hears a gunshot nearby.

 In the bank, Baghead’s men loot the building while he yells at one of his henchmen.

 “YOU FOOL! why did you fire your gun?”

 “i dropped it sir!”

 “LOAD EVERYTHING INTO THE BUGGY NOW”

 Candy Callum drops down from the roof wielding his hammer, he brings it down on one of the henchmen as he lands, flooring them. To his surprise, he looks up to see Baghead himself.

 “baghead? reduced to a petty bank robbery?”

 “what the fuck are you”

 “my name... is candy callum... vigilante of the cita-”

 “LIGHT HIM UP BOYS”

 The remaining henchmen aim at Callum with assault rifles and open fire.

 Callum quickly takes out and tosses a bonbon grenade, which as he throws town creates a cloud of smoke for him to hide within.

 The henchman driving the golf buggy yells inside.

 “we’re all loaded up boss!”

 Callum steps out of the smoke, aiming the melted chocolate launcher.

 A henchman is standing opposite him, aiming his rifle at him.

 “here goes nothing”

 Callum fires the launcher at the henchman, a boulder of hot chocolate speeding out toward his opponent, which recoils Callum across the room as he drops the launcher. He looks over at the henchman he hit with it.

 The henchman was covered in chocolate, and stuck completely in place, as if it were mud. Sizzling begins to sound and the henchman begins to scream.

 “AHHH--- IT BURNSSSSSSSSS!”

 The chocolate is so hot that the henchman’s skin begins to drip from his body like wax on a candle.

 Baghead cackles at this, absolutely fascinated. He grabs the launcher off the ground and jumps into the back of the buggy.

 “step on it! go!”

 The henchman slams his foot on the accelerator, though being that it is a golf buggy, the speed is considerably underwhelming, only going at 15mph.

 Callum gets back up and runs past the henchman who is still burning in place.

 “i’m sorry i didn’t mean to do that!”

 He emerges from the bank to see the golf buggy slowly making its escape down the street. He swipes the lid off of a nearby trash can and stands on it, then proceeds to point at the buggy and use his strawberry lace grapple to latch onto it.

 Baghead turns around to see Callum surfing behind the buggy on the trash can lid. He stands up at the bag of the buggy and takes aim with the melted chocolate launcher.

 Callum steers out of the way, dodging melted chocolate boulders that Baghead was launching at him during the pursuit, each boulder splattering over the street and forming a thick chocolate puddle.

 Baghead turns to the driver.

 “speed up, he’s going to catch us!”

 “i cannot go on any faster sir!”

 "THEN WE'LL MAKE ROOM"

 Baghead pushes off the henchman standing next to him.

 A sudden explosion just a street away occurs, and Callum immediately loses his focus, looking over to where it came from.

 “the candy store--- mr twix--”

 Callum detaches the grapple and comes to a crash due to the loss of momentum. He looks up to see the buggy escaping.

 Baghead cackles as the buggy turns a corner and goes out of view.

 Callum grapples up to a building nearby and lands on the roof so he can get a better look at what happened in the street.

 He looks on to see that the candy store has been obliterated.

***At the nuclear plant, Baghead and his henchmen have returned from their heist. The golf buggy is parked in the main room with only two briefcases of money in the back.***

 Baghead is rummaging through the briefcases.

 “that was a disaster”

 “if it weren’t for that conveniently timed explosion, we would’ve been captured back there!”

 “and that was just one vigilante from the citadel, and he was a fucking candy cane at that!”

 “you told me you were all loaded up, THERE ARE TWO BRIEFCASES HERE... ONE OF THEM HAS THIRTEEN FUCKING DOLLARS AND THE OTHER ONE IS FILLED TO THE BRINK WITH BASEBALL CARDS... WHERE DID YOU EVEN LOOT THESE?”

 “I’M SORRY SIR IT WAS THE PRESSURE OF THE SITUATION”

 “GAH-- YOU’RE ALL USELESS... but you are also right… we are not equipped or prepared to take on the vigilantes of the citadel yet... we must seek out proper allies…”

 “but where are we going to find allies? if we reveal ourselves to any of the other regions they will simply decline us and inform the citadel of our movements”

 “i am not suggesting we look for allies in the known world… we are going to search the lands beyond the border...”