Kick Jahbongski

Objectively speaking, Kick Jahbongski is the coolest version of Kick Buttowski.

**Origins:**

Events at the age of: 7 years
In Jahbongski's original universe he originally lived in with his that parents were bootleg crack addicts who lived humbly in a sewer. The sewer they resided in was originally neighboring the sewer the teenage mutant meth-head turtle's home. The turtles would frequently extort his family out of their drug earnings for "protection" (from the turtles because they would brutalize his family if they didn't submit) but the days under the terrible reign of the mutant meth-head turtles was over when Incredible Gassy (the supervillain arch nemesis of Mr. Incredible) turned Super Saiyan 3 nearby and collapsed the sewer the turtles lived in as a result of the transformation.

After Kick Jahbongski's parents scavenged the gorey ruins that were plastered with the guts of meth-turtles they found the tools and documents necessary to create a super drug lab. Years into the experimental lab's creation they were able to create a new drug called "Marijuana/Weed" with the ultimate ambition in mind to create the "Ultimate Weed". His parents soon would be raking in big profits from their new drug and set their sights on creating the ultimate weed through extensive and unconventional means like skinning homeless ni. gga.s and using their flesh as a sacrifice to opium gods of chaos or rigging bongs to explode on use when a customer would light it up and try to smoke out of it (in order for the parents to gather their bones and use the marrow as toothpaste idfk)

One day during regular business of rigging bongs, smoking hella big bluntz and selling whack ass drugs; a rival gang showed up called The Fortnite Cracka's that planned to steal the current research the parents had on creating the ultimate weed. Although the parents were armed with conventional weaponry like a "ImaFirinMahLazorrr9000" cannon or stone clubs ; the rival gang were unconventionally & ruthlessly armed to the teeth with chug-jugs, boogie bombs, HL2 homing rocket launchers, crowbars, physguns, and a death-star from starwars.

The parents stood no chance in the onslaught as everytime one of the rival gang members would get downed they would drink chug-jugs and default dance/taunt upon being fully healed. His parents decided to split up with the father staying behind to hold back the Fortnite Cracka's but he stood no chance as a Fortnite Cracka Officer named "Rohin" phys-gunned his body up and down until he turned into a pile of TF2 soldier gibs; his last words were (in the voice of tobey maguire) "I forgot the part where that's my problem" after Rohin asked him where the Ultimate Weed lab was kept. As Kick and his mother descended deeper into the recesses of the sewer towards the ultimate weed research lab one of the Fortnite cracka's leaders "James" was prop-flying using a physgun and a gmod fence to catch up to them. James as he closed on jumped off the fence and proceeded to pull off a full on 360 HL2 homing rocket launcher shot on Kick's mom instantly decimating her in the explosio. Kick rolled onto the floor of the ultimate weed research lab and attempted to get on his feet until a stray boogie bomb hit his head (thrown by James) and exploded making him side-ways gangnam style into a vat of glowing green evil weed juice against his will.

(To be continued)