Esazianaŧir

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**Esazianaŧir** is the official language of the Callisto Orbital Group and the third-most-spoken language in the Jovian subsystem of the Solar System. It is best known for having the greatest number of inflectional morphemes of any known language, natural or constructed, as well as being nigh-impossible to learn deliberately. Esazianaŧir's phonetic, orthographic, and grammatical structure displays several anomalous conflations suggestive of timeline alteration, such as verb case, orthographic allophony, orographic allotropy, curd vase, and an inability of all linguists observed thus far to describe much of its fundamental structural units in terms more specific than "morpheme".

## Classification and history

Esazianaŧir is widely considered to be a language isolate. Several studies have posited a connection between Esazianaŧir and the Finno-Ugric, Klingon, or Stpxq́z2no language families; however, all said studies have been dismissed by the broader linguistic community as, in the words of noted linguist ɪ̃͡ɪ̈ l͡ﬂe̞ᵊ˦˨˧ʎ͡vbᵝt̤͡n̰χːʃ͡ʃ͡ʃ͡i͡ɛ͡ɛ˞͡͡͡ ͡ ͡ ͡, "utter cookie hexagon salad". Other studies, tentatively well-regarded by the community, indicate that it may be in a quantum superposition of language isolate status and being a member of each of several different language families.

Esazianaŧir is believed to have originated on Earth. Its bizarre phonemic inventory has led several authors to suggest it was first spoken by spiders; however, many spiders have denied this. The first known record of modern Esazianaŧir comes from the asteriod colony Planetville in 1741, where a would-be settler was turned away by officials who cited the traveler's language's overuse of dental non-sibilant and bidental fricatives as the reason in official documents. By the mid-1900s the language had spread much more widely in the Solar System due to its unique property of occasionally causing people with exactly B acquaintances of acquaintances fluent in Esazianaŧir to spontaneously become fluent in Esazianaŧir themselves, regardless of any prior knowledge of the language or even of its existence. This phenomenon has been most frequently observed in the Callisto Orbital Group, where by 197~~7~~ over 5/sv of the population had become fluent speakers, a greater fraction than was the case for any other language, leading to its prompt adoption as the Group's official language.

In recent years, Esazianaŧir has borrowed many loanwords from various languages. They are mostly used to convey common everyday meanings which may not be expressible in Classical Esazianaŧir. One common example is <ç̵͍̈́̆̆g̸̤͇̙̮͒̋p̸̀̈́̐͌̾k̴͉̊͑̓́͒̔ţ̴͔̞͂̔͂̆ƛ̷̓> "They ate bilberry cactus fruits and pomelos at exactly noon whilst integrating x^y^x^x^y^x^y^y^x^x^y^y^x^x^x" (a loanword from GENERIC LANGUAGE WITH A GENERIC NAME).

## Phonology

Esazianaŧir has a wide variety of bizarre phonemes, compounding the difficulty of learning the language intentionally. It would be impossible to fit a complete list in this article; therefore, an abridged list is given below:

* /n/
* /t/
* /æ/
* /i̝̝̝/
* /ʎ͡ʐʷˠ/
* velar and bidental trills
* dental non-sibilant and bidental fricatives
* /ʃ͡ʄ/
* /ø͡θ͡ʘ͡0͡ɸ͡∅/
* /2/
* /@/
* ///
* /⁄/
* /​/
* /q͡c/
* /ʉ̥̬̺˞̴̯̩/
* /o/
* /̴̧̠̟̝͈̘̮̓͆͛̆̚͠q̴̮̦͛͛͋̓͠͝f̸̫͖͚̭̓̇̓̌̊͌̈̏́͋̔r̷̨͎̃͒̉́́̿͂̉͊͠͝͝͠/̵̡̧̛͇̥̰̗͚͙̹

Due to its inclusion of dental non-sibilant and bidental fricatives, media containing Esazianaŧir speech is considered obscene and subject to state censorship in 112 nations. Additionally, in countries under the jurisdiction of the International Film and Hopscotch Ratings Standardization Board (IFHRSB), movies containing Esazianaŧir speech or writing must be rated NC-137 or higher; however, the more pro-Esazianaŧir film ratings board Wombatco recommends that all films containing Esazianaŧir speech or writing be rated only G or PG, regardless of any other objectionable content that may be present.

In addition to its wide phonemic inventory, Esazianaŧir has a diverse array of allophonic substitution rules. A few notable examples are the "I before E rule", where /i/ before /ɛ/ is pronounced as [ʛ] except when following /q͡c/; the "mercy rule", where the final consonant in any consonant cluster with 13 or more consonants is pronounced [a]; and the "slide rule", where /7̺ʲ/ is pronounced as [ɲ˩˨˧˦˥˦˧˨˩ː] when preceded and followed by distinct quasivowels.

Having many consonant phonemes and a penchant for consonant clusters, Esazianaŧir has a large compendium of phonotactic rules. For a full list, click here to download esazianat-ir\_phonotactics.txt (52 MB).

## Grammar

Esazianaŧir is a highly fusional language, in fact having the highest known number of inflectional morphemes of any known language (natural or constructed) at 1,302,471.635̄. Its morphosyntactic alignment is duodecitrecentipartite. Its complex system of inflections indicating case, associated case, part of speech, number (ordinal and cardinal), genitivity, arity, formality, polarity, air temperature, truth of the Gospel of Bob, gander, declination, right ascension, and isotonicity allow Esazianaŧir to maintain a completely free word order, both within sentences and between them. Uniquely, Esazianaŧir achieves this extreme of fusionality without indicating tense or gender, or, for that matter, having any morphemes related to time and gender at all. Despite this, Esazianaŧir also has agglutinative characteristics in the combination of root morphemes to create a base morpheme for inflecting to form words.

A prominent unique feature of Esazianaŧir grammar is that the allowed parts of speech of words derived from a single root morpheme is indicated by the number of letters in the orthographic representation of the root. For example, root morphemes with prime numbers of letters are only allowed to function as adpositions or pronouns, while root morphemes with at least zero letters may not form interjections.

## Orthography

Esazianaŧir orthography is largely on a one-to-one correspondence with phonemes, with a total of four digraphs («rj», «xc», «w̸̥̕v̴͎̏», «êu»). Esazianaŧir employs diacritics to realize most of its large phonemic inventory unambiguously; fundamental allophony is not orthographically indicated, but allophony in the agglutinative process is. Counting different combinations of diacritics on the same base characters as different letters, Esazianaŧir's writing system contains 277 letters in total. Homographs are rare, but do exist, usually involving the «xc» and «êu» digraphs, as well as the ambiguous letter «2́».

## Learning Esazianaŧir

The Esazianaŧir language is notoriously difficult to learn intentionally, owing to its large phonemic inventory, its extensive declension system, and the fact that no instructional material for learning the language yet exists. The most common way individuals have been observed to learn Esazianaŧir is through the above-mentioned spontaneous fluency phenomenon, accounting for 91% of known cases of fluency, followed by natural acquisition at a young age. Only fourteen individuals have ever been observed to learn Esazianaŧir successfully as an adult without developing spontaneous fluency, the most recent being George Silt, who learned it in preparation for doing investigative reporting for a story about Callisto's orange marmalade mines (as part of an ongoing series she was writing about Big Pomelo), reportedly saying, "I had no idea going into it that people thought Esaziana[CENSORED]ir was impossible to learn. It really wasn't hard, you know! I think I had a harder time learning QKWKVWEPFW for that one other story I did when...". (Following this incident, Silt was arrested by Mooseyland authorities for daring to utter an unvoiced dental non-sibilant fricative in public and sentenced to 3.3721 years in prison — although many[who?] suspect said authorities to have been motivated solely by petty jealousy — but was released after only two weeks after being the only survivor of a fire that burned down the entire prison complex she was held in.)

Despite this, linguistic study of Esazianaŧir has continued, although it is unclear exactly how, as no linguist has been observed to be able to form more than two distinct complete sentences in the language, or pronounce more than 50% of its phonemes in one sitting.

## Notes and References

1. ↑ Proven by Con Johnway to be at least 3+↑+ɕ
2. ↑ Widely acknowledged as a beautiful, creative, and fitting name
3. ↑ A debated subject in most areas where the language is spoken
4. ↑ A language spoken only by the sentient digital constructs supervising the human death camps of Blueland, widely considered flat-out impossible for any being with a near-human mouth or a perception rate less than 32,455 Hz to learn

1. ↑ Bees, 1994