Gordon Ramsay

Gordon Ramsay is an Michelin-star chef who screams and takes steamy yet creamy dumps on people who can't cook competently. Seriously, Gordon Ramsay is a very skilled chef and he even was host of the Yearly Poop Festival one year. It's pretty incredible, right? Unbelievable, right? Intriguing, right?

## Life

Gordon wasn't the superb cuss-word shouting culinary mastermind he is, back when was merely a wee lad. In fact, he was complete trash at cooking. My man couldn't even microwave a slice of bread, without either the bread, or the microwave bursting into flames. He tried to make cereal once, and the milk never came out until he shook the carton, which is when it all rushed out splattering all over the entire kitchen. Ramsay once wanted to make a pizza, but the anchovies (which are a terrible topping in the first place) became back alive, and hopped off of the pizza, and escaped back to the ocean. The cheese melted back into milk, and the dough smelt like ham and soggy underwear dipped into rotting carcass scented oil. Gordon thought that he would never be able to cook competently, until a magic fairy visited him in a dark alleyway where mysterious men in masks promised him over the internet, that they would teach him secret ways to be an excellent cook. The fairy was such an epic pooper than its form couldn't be comprehended. Still, it told Gordon that you "should never go pee when your golf cart is ugly." Then it gave Gordon the power of excellent cooking, and then the rest his history.

## Popularity

Gordon Ramsay is a highly-skilled chef and orthodontist, and has gone to appear in various television shows, mostly centered around cooking; one of his best abilities. These include shows such as Kitchen Nightmares and MasterChef. On these shows, Gordon displays one of his other most defining traits; his temper. During these, Ramsay is often very annoyed by the quality of food and the behaviors of various chefs or restaurant owners. He often uses vulgar language and calls various names such as donkeys and plenty of others. Though Gordon Ramsay is also a host for...the Yearly Poop Festival.

The first show that Ramsay is said to have appeared in is, MasterChef, though he actually has first appeared on television in his own show National Poop Cuisine. In this show, different groups of chefs would face off against each other seeing who could serve the best poop-themed dish to Ramsay. If he liked their food they'd win $1,000. All other losing contestants would be flushed down a giant toilet into the sewers. They would be left down there, where they would have to get out themselves. In the next episode, this idea was immediately scrapped for legal reasons. It really isn't hard to see why. In replacement, the losing contestants got Uncle Sherman to have explosive diarrhea into their mouth. Would you rather have that hot stuff going down your throat, or be stuck in the sewers for possibly weeks? Well, I guess I'd prefer the sewer, but I ain't gonna act like there are people who would want that thick stuff in their mouths. Well, forget that, I guess I should be still talking about Ramsay. Sorry. I really am.

Well anyway, the show was canceled after 3 episodes.

## ***Yearly Poop Festival***

The yearly poop festival is a festival where people partake in various poop-related activities. Gordon first joined the festival in 2013, when an internet petition titled "Get Gordon Ramsay to be a host for the Yearly Poop Festival!". The petition got 12.4 Quadrillion signatures so Ramsay gave up and joined it.

Check out the Yearly Poop Festival page for more information.

## Notes

* Out of all dishes, Gordon's favorite is the "Double-Trouble Poop Cream Sandwich Pizza", an item with over 67,000 calories. Gordon claims to do extensive exercise to burn it all off whenever he eats one. The exact exercise is not known, but Gordon refuses to reveal it, since he says that it will make the planet explode if anyone else knows his secret
* Gordon mayonnaise juice