Timeline of Username5243's life

From MKey's Wild Incrementals Wiki, the funny as shit googology encyclopedia

This is a timeline related to Username5243, or Abel Reeves’, life.

It includes a host of conjectural and confirmed events. While the educated editors of this article have done their best to cast light on the ongoing *pathology* of Username5243’s existence, it should be noted that this is an ongoing timeline and is therefore subject to revision and change.

## Timeline

* **9 June 2002:** Abel Reeves is born. He is so ugly that the doctor slaps his mother while his father asks if the nurse can “put it back in.” In the maternity ward an opaque divider is put around his crib to keep the other babies from being upset by his hideousness.
* **19 December 2008:** A speaker with a severe facial deformity visits Abel’s kindergarten to teach about why you should look on the inside of a person. Then he sees Username5243 and the entire class along with the deformed speaker laugh at him. After school his mother puts a paper bag over his head and kisses him, telling him he’s a “handsome” young boy.
* **14 February 2009:** A blind and deaf girl gives Username5243 a Valentine card. This is the only attention he ever received from a girl, and it is suspected to be the contents of a locket he wears all of the time.
* **2 August 2013:** Abel Reeves develops crush on English teacher and attempts to woo her through a crossword containing his confession. Unfortunately he chose the wrong crossword off of an online site and the teacher uncovers smut within the crossword. He is called to the principal’s office and driven home by his mother. She removed the rear-view mirror to avoid seeing Abel by mistake, and as a result they are T-boned by an oil tanker which explodes, catapulting Mr.Reeves through the window of a nearby gas station.
* **3 August 2013:** Abel wakes up in the hospital learning that his mother died. She was unable to escape the burning wreckage on account of her extreme rotundity. The smell of fat burning was reported two miles (3.21869 km) away.
* **2 March 2014:** Username5243’s father dies after accidentally tripping over a Peter Griffin action figure into an industrial woodchipper.
* **20 April 2014:** Abel attends his father’s funeral, placing the Peter Griffin action figure in the coffin as a last gesture before it is lowered in the ground.
* **4 July 2014:** Abel attempts suicide after falling into a dark depression, having just lost his father.
* **5 July 2014:** After a failed attempt at listening to *Nickelback* until he suffers traumatic brain injury, Abel decides to live and creates UNOCF as a way to purge his inner mental anguish. The notation is badly defined because it is the product of insanity.
* **3 August 2015:** Username5243 develops masturbation addiction, being featured in *My Strange Addiction* after tugging it during a funeral and ejaculating in the open coffin. The grieving family of his former English teacher seek legal reparations.
* **19 January 2016:** After a hard and lengthy battle with his jerking off addiction, Username gets a job as a window cleaner. His boss is astounded at how fast his hand sweeps the window clean.
* **29 December 2020:** Abel Reeves grows angry over the persistence of a user named Embi at spreading his DNA ordinal, venting to the googology server and being banned due to several racist slurs.
* **2 February 2021:** It is revealed Abel Reeves is Embi all along and Embi was just a front he was using to spam and troll the wiki with DNA ordinal stuff while his main account helped. He is banned from most Discord servers.
* **7 June 2021:** Username5243 uses photos of hot Air Force cadets to catfish a 92 year old White lady with dead husband issues. He is called on air by the distraught woman during an episode of *Dr.Phil*. Not realizing he is live to millions of viewers, he professes he is ashamed over his micropenis and accidently turns on video chat while attempting a karaoke of Phil Collins’ *In The Air Tonight* to make amends.
* **8 June 2021:** Username offers national apology after Americans see his face, with 708 seizures and 1,201 symptoms of nauceousness reported in hospitals. He has to use one of those anonymous shadow filters with the Barry White voice in the apology video.
* **1 September 2021:** Username is given admin rights on the Esoteric Concept Lore wiki, told that he can rejoin the main server if he is a good boy on the wiki for a while. Pi-Bot is told to pose as a user by the name of “Internal reflect” to test Mr.Reeves’ resolve to behave himself.
* **5 September 2021:** Username posts a billionth degree polynomial in a research paper cleverly encoding Zone Ankha as a mp4 bitstream within the digits of its roots. This is the smartest thing he will ever do.
* **1 October 2021:** Username5243 comes out as trans, admitting she wanted to be fucked like the lewd e-girl slut she is this whole time.

## See Also

* Timeline of Googology wiki racism (2017-2020)