No Brainer Nolan AU

The No Brainer Nolan AU is an alternate timeline/universe within North Park canon.

The butterfly effect is an amazing thing really, so many different outcomes can spawn from just a single action or decision. How many lives can change drastically from one single catalyst, how many ideas can be reinvented or twisted. It's a dangerous power to wield, so who better to give it a go than our favorite dimwitted, no brained, stupid former veteran Nolan Iris.

Nolan Iris

When Nolan was young, time traveler visited him and unintentionally revealed that he would undergo a lobotomy after serving in the military for some years. This revelation planted a seed of doubt in his mind, ultimately prompting him to go AWOL and return to his hometown of North Park. There, he would find love and marry Janice Voland, a single mother, and together they would have a daughter named Nancy.

like in our regular timeline, Nolan faced a deadly encounter with an escape convict masquerading as the third-grade teacher, Mr. Smiles. However, unlike our reality, Nolan  fought back, successfully exposed Mr. Smiles who then Escape Into the Woods . Principal Kiddy, recognizing Nolan's strength and need for employment after going AWOL, appointed him as the new third-grade teacher, a role he embraced with enthusiasm.

Project R.H.O.B.H.E.R.T

Rhobhert is a mysterious cryptid that emerged in North Park shortly after River's arrival. His motives and intentions remain enigmatic, accompanied by an unusual set of abilities, including levitation, telepathy, warping both time and space, mass destruction, distorting the abilities of other characters, and many more yet to be explained. Simply put it, despite being rumoured to have incredible power, we might not now what he is truly capable of. In this universe, he appears to be an alternative version of Robert but without any of his Humanities.

River Iris

In this alternate reality, River's rescue took a different course as Nolan didn't come to her aid. Instead, she remained confined within a military facility for an extended period. Her salvation came in the form of Vera's private eye agency, who inadvertently got arrested while attempting to gather evidence outside the facility. Recognizing her value and need for assistance, they orchestrated her daring escape. River is deeply thankful for her newfound freedom and the sanctuary provided by her saviors. She now resides within the North Park Chateau, where she takes on a role as a maid and contributes to various of Vera's enterprises. To safeguard her identity, they ingeniously present her as an advanced Roomba, ensuring her continued safety and concealment from government forces.

Jerry

In this alternate timeline, Jerry has discovered a vital fatherly figure in his stepfather, Nolan Iris. Jerry was apprehensive to having a father figure so early after his previous one disappeared on him and his mother, but Nolan stepped up and showed he could be really fun and responsible. Under Nolan's guidance, he received training in sharpshooting and assumed the role of a big brother to Nancy Iris. Jerry obviously isn't as good at it compared to his blind counterpart, but he loves using it everywhere he goes in life, much to his friend's interest and dismay. Nancy loves her big brother, but that love has twisted into a manipulative adoration where she can get Jerry to do anything for her, he doesn't even realize how irresponsible it is to teach a baby to use a sniper rifle. This amalgamation of characteristics makes him a blend of our Jerry and Robert.

Nancy

In contrast to our timeline, this version of Nancy Iris was born later than most and is now merely a baby, yet she exhibits remarkable journalistic abilities beyond her years. With her ever-watchful and protective older brother, Jerry Voland, she becomes a part of Vera's private detective agency. Nancy is less manipulative and hungry for gossip even as a toddler, having been banned from 3 daycares so far for ruining the lives of her fellow toddlers before they had chances to begin them. Later on, she secures employment with Dr. Cates’ government-supported paranormal investigation task force along with her big brother and colleagues from the private eye firm.

Vera

In this alternate timeline, Vera's life took a different turn when her private eye agency was hired by Xeno to gather information and capture images outside a government facility, suspected of housing extraterrestrial beings. This operation was part of Xeno's plan to raid the facility with fellow members of the 'Fucker Society.' During their investigation, Vera and her team were apprehended and taken inside the facility, where they had to secure River's release to escape. Subsequently, they became targets of government pursuit in NorthPark.

However, Vera and her colleagues,  reached a unique agreement with the government after they defeated a lot of their agents: the government would stop hunting them and River and provide a regular supply of blood for  her vampire family in exchange joining their new paranormal investigation task force and if they refuse to accept they will ruin the lives of everyone that they know. so with no other choice she accepted the deal.

Danny Thompson and Wendy Thompson

Danny and Wendy Thompson are doing the same thing they usually doing in the main timeline, albeit under different circumstances. They now work for a more reasonable Dr. Cates, who never became their adversary. However, they had to leave their after-school jobs at the family chateau.

Danny appears to be thriving in this timeline, benefiting from more time for rest without his bellboy job.

Conversely, Wendy finds herself on the less fortunate side. She misses her job as a maid at the chateau and, reluctantly, now works at Yashu's maid cafe. She also develops a new rivalry with Rhobhert, someone who proves to be more challenging. reminiscent of her brother in the main timeline she now sports noticeable bags under her eyes from her increased workload.

Dr. Cates

Dr. Catherine Cates in this alternate timeline had a different set of events unfold compared to her counterpart in the main timeline. Nancy, being younger, didn't mistake her teacher, Hui-Feng Peng, as the cat burglars stealing scientific equipment. Consequently, there was no involvement of Danny and Wendy Thompson in the investigation. This altered course allowed Dr. Cates to successfully carry out her plan, disrupting Dr. Toade's scientific achievement ceremony with her invention, turning the crowd into cat people. Surprisingly, the crowd appreciated her genius, including her rival, Dr. Toade. This moment snapped her out of her prolonged psychosis.

Dr. Cates' success led to recognition and numerous invitations to government meetings. She proposed various ideas, including a cat-based surveillance system. After Maria was ousted from her position and her Asimov program scrapped, Dr. Cates was contacted to develop the cat-based surveillance system. She created cybernetic implants for cats, allowing remote control and the attachment of cameras for covert surveillance.

The success of this system led to an increase in paranormal activity reports in North Park. Dr. Cates was entrusted with a new role as the head scientist and mission commander of a paranormal investigation task force. She became the public face of the operation to keep the government's involvement discreet. Her team included members from Vera's private detective agency, well-equipped to handle paranormal phenomena.

Leslie Houben

Leslie in this alternate universe is almost identical to her counterpart in the main universe, with one notable difference – she's a cat girl. Her deviation from the main timeline stems from the advice she received from her teacher, Nolan Iris. Struggling with severe cat allergies, Nolan suggested she visit Dr. Catherine Cates, whom he had known since their childhood. Dr. Cates claimed to have a cure for her allergies.

Taking Nolan's advice, Leslie met the peculiar doctor, and true to her word, Dr. Cates cured her allergies. However, the cure came at a cost – Leslie transformed into a cat girl. Unable to pay for the treatment, Leslie found herself indebted to Dr. Cates, who recruited her as one of her ninja girls to work off her debt.

As a member of Dr. Cates' ninja girls, Leslie acquired skills in ninjutsu and developed various cat-like acrobatic abilities. After the ninja girls disbanded following their successful first mission, Leslie was eventually released from her duties, and her debts were considered paid off. She maintains friendly relationships with her former colleagues and Dr. Cates."

Principal Kiddy

In this alternate timeline, Principal Kiddy has assumed the role of Mayor Kiddy. This transition occurred after his removal as the principal of North Park Elementary due to the discovery that he had allowed a criminal impersonating Mr. Smiles to teach the third grade. After a brief period of unemployment, Mayor Kiddy resorted to his typical approach: physically confronting someone and seizing their position. He applied this tactic to Chuck, the former mayor, and successfully became the new mayor. With no one willing or able to challenge him, the position of mayor is no longer decided through elections but rather through a quadrennial wrestling tournament, in which the victor claims the title of mayor.

Chuck

In this alternate reality, Chuck's reign as the mayor of North Park has come to an end, quite literally at the hands of the former principal, Kiddy. Reduced to near destitution, Chuck's son, Zach, has been exposed as a psychopath and incarcerated in juvenile detention. Chuck now dedicates most of his days to intensive training at the gym, harboring an unyielding desire to defeat Mayor Kiddy. Despite receiving assistance and training from the mayor himself, Chuck's progress remains stagnant, leading to his almost permanent residence at the gym.

Zachary

In this alternate timeline, Zach's true nature as a sociopath was uncovered. Despite his involvement in numerous crimes, none of them could be traced back to him, thanks to his father's influential position as the mayor. However, when Mayor Kiddy took office, the cracks in Zach's social facade began to show.

As the pressure mounted, Zach's secrets were gradually exposed, ultimately leading to his downfall. Surprisingly, it was Nancy's toddler gossip blog that played a significant role in revealing the truth about him. Zach's criminal activities were brought to light, and he was subsequently arrested and sent to juvenile detention for an extended period.

To this day, rumors abound regarding the identity of the individual responsible for physically confronting Zach before his arrest.

bongo

In this alternate universe, Bongo managed to survive a crucial turning point in his life. After a heated argument with his brother Slappy over adding mime material to their clown routine, Bongo had a heartfelt conversation with Nolan. Nolan imparted wisdom about avoiding unnecessary risks, which left a lasting impact on Bongo. He chose to stick with their traditional clown routine.

However, tragedy struck when Slappy decided to take an unnecessary risk, incorporating new material into their act in an attempt to please his brother. This reckless decision cost Slappy his life, solidifying Bongo's aversion to unnecessary risks. He eventually left the world of clowning behind and pursued a career as an accountant.

Years later, Bongo's daughter stumbled upon Slappy's clown mask, which was meant to be buried with him but had become a keepsake. Unbeknownst to Bongo, Slappy's spirit unintentionally haunted their lives, relentlessly trying to coax his brother back into the world of clowning. Bongo, unaware of Slappy's real existence, believed he was descending into madness

Slappy

In this alternate timeline, it was Slappy who met an untimely demise instead of his brother Bongo. However, after his niece Charlie donned his mask, something peculiar happened. Slappy returned as a ghost, visible only to Charlie and her father (and those who possess the ability to see ghosts).

Haunted by the changes he witnessed in North Park, Slappy found the atmosphere a tad gloomier. Undeterred by the fact that hardly anyone could hear or see him, he made it his mission to uplift the spirits of those around him. In particular, he tried to bring a smile to his niece Charlie's face, though she mostly ignored his spectral presence.

Furthermore, Slappy attempted to coax his brother Bongo, who had become a mundane accountant, back into the world of clowning. Unfortunately, Bongo remained convinced that he was simply losing his mind, oblivious to the fact that Slappy was indeed real.

Charlie

In this alternate universe, Charlie takes on a role  vaguely reminiscent of the main timeline's Drew. However, instead of being raised by her uncle Slappy, she was brought up by her father, Bongo. Charlie wholeheartedly embraces the Mimed culture her dad passionately pursued. Her entertainment preferences are distinctive, as she exclusively indulges in silent films, regardless of their genre.

Charlie's creative pursuits lean toward the unconventional, as she crafts bizarre art films under the guise of 'Dark Comedy.' These films often feature time-lapse shots of food rotting in black and white, with an unmistakable pattern of her either clumsily dropping the food or culminating in a messy 'pie-ing' scene, using the rancid food as her prop.

Unlike her main timeline counterpart, Charlie harbors a deep dislike for sitcoms. Her unique tastes and interests may or may not include an obsession with Paris in the 1960s, and she generally keeps to herself, embracing her distinct personality and artistic inclinations.

Neil

at first this timeline's Neil was almost identical to the main universe's. However, here, his interactions with Charlie changed the direction of his life. Neil managed to irritate Charlie to such an extent that, in an effort to silence him, she  shoved his face into Slappy's mask. This peculiar act endowed Neil with the ability to see Slappy, the ghostly presence haunting their lives.

To Slappy's delight, he finally had someone who could interact with him openly, appreciate his comedic efforts, and engage in jovial clown antics. Slappy took it upon himself to teach Neil the art of humor, an endeavor that resulted in Neil achieving what he had always aspired to in the main timeline: becoming the class clown.

This transformation had a profound impact on Neil's life. He earned the admiration of his peers, who now considered him a friend. Fueled by Slappy's guidance, Neil found the courage to approach the authorities and seek help to escape his father's abusive clutches. While he may reside in an orphanage today, Neil remains the spirited heart of the place, bringing joy and laughter to his newfound friends. Notably, they even permitted him to keep his cherished canine companion, Dougie.

Wilbert Wheado

In this alternate timeline, Wilbert Wheado avoided transforming into Weedo9000 due to a peculiar turn of events. When Randy Marsh the organizer of the Tegrity Weed Festival proposed the idea to Mayor Kiddy, the mayor mistakenly believed that marijuana was still illegal. Instead of engaging in a meeting to discuss the festival, Mayor Kiddy decided to handle the situation in a more unconventional manner by suplexing Randy.

This unfortunate incident effectively quashed any prospects of the weed festival coming to the town. Despite not undergoing the transformation into Weedo9000, Wilbert Wheado remains a  cunt. He continues to trick people into purchasing marijuana for him, pursues inappropriate relationships with younger girls, and generally causes disturbances for those around him.

Sabrina

In this alternate timeline, Sabrina experienced a period of emotional turmoil after Bobby Jr., once the 'cringe kid' of North Park Elementary, underwent a remarkable transformation and started dating Mandy. Feeling somewhat lost and disillusioned, Sabrina turned to the goth subculture as an outlet for her emotions. However, she struggled to find acceptance among the goth crowd and was merely tolerated rather than embraced.

Eventually, Sabrina managed to move past her infatuation with Bobby Jr. She stumbled upon fan sites dedicated to her favorite TV show and adopted the persona of a 'scene kid.' She embraced the scene culture with its signature fake vampire fangs and expressive text emoticons, often typing messages filled with ':3,' 'XD,' 'xD,' 'o.o,' 'o.o;;,' 'o\_o,' 'T\_T,' 't\_t,' 'T\_T;;,' 'XDDDDDDDDDDD,' '!!1!1!!!11!1!,' 'XP,' ':P,' ':<,' ':D,' ':O,' ':o,' '<\_<;;,' '>\_>;;,' '>\_<;;,' '^\_^,' '^-^,' and '>->.' She even used playful actions like '\*GLOMPS\*,' demonstrating her newfound love for the unconventional.

Sabrina's interests shifted towards vampires and the paranormal, but in a more 'safe' and non-threatening manner. She also developed an obsession with 'Snappy,' the mascot of a particular TV show who happens to love meatloaf.

Her life took a positive turn when she befriended Ingrid, a former member of the short-lived Vampire Society, which had been disbanded when its true nature as a vampire organization was revealed. Sabrina and Ingrid decided to establish a new club called the 'North Park Vampire and Paranormal Society.' Within this club, they explored the supernatural world from a safe and respectful distance.