Baltika - Stories

* You can eat?
* What happens to stuff you eat?
* Why?
**Demi:** You can eat?
**Baltika:** YES
**Baltika:** MEAL ETIQUETTE IS ONE OF THE BASIC PROGRAMS IN MY DATABASE
**Baltika:** THE METHOD OF CONSUMING FOOD FROM DIFFERENT ERAS AND COUNTRIES HAS BEEN INPUT IN MY MEMORY
**Baltika:** IN OTHER WORDS, I AM GUARANTEED TO KNOW HOW TO EAT DELICIOUS FISH
**Demi:** .....I see.
*That wasn't what I was asking about. Either way, respect slightly up.*

**Demi:** What happens to stuff you eat?
**Baltika:** IT GETS BROKEN DOWN INTO ATOMIC PARTICLES WITHIN MY BODY
**Baltika:** IT THEN GETS RECONSTRUCTED INTO A DIFFERENT SUBSTANCE, AND IS SUBSEQUENTLY EXCRETED
**Baltika:** BY THE WAY, THE TENDON I ATE THE DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY BECAME A PAIR OF SOCKS FOR MASTER AND SOME DETERGENT
**Demi:** ......Huh.
*As I remain uncertain of the validity of his claims, respect somewhat up.*

**Demi:** Why?
**Baltika:** MEALS AT HOME FOR THE PAST 7 DAYS HAVE CONSISTED OF MEAT, FOR EVERY MEAL
**Baltika:** THERE IS ALSO 14 MEALS WORTH OF CHICKEN STORED IN MASTER'S FREEZER
**Baltika:** AAH. I WANT TO EAT SOMETHING DIFFERENT WHEN GOING OUT TO EAT, AT LEAST
**Demi:** ...I know how that feels.
*I got a surprisingly normal answer! Respect super up.*

### Situation 2

**Baltika:** I'VE HAD ENOUGH TODAY, I CAN'T GO ON ANY LONGER, I HAVE TO HAVE A DRINK

* What's wrong?
* You can get drunk?
* I'll have a drink too!
**Demi:** What's wrong?
**Baltika:** GRRR! I AM CURRENTLY MEGA PISSED AT MASTER RIGHT NOW
**Baltika:** MY TREASURE, THE FOOTAGE I SPENT 480 HOURS RECORDING, 27 HOURS EDITING...
**Baltika:** DAMN MASTER!! HE WENT AND DELETED IT! WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!
**Baltika:** MY POEM... MADE WITH VOICE CLIPS OF MASTER SLEEP-TALKING AND TALKING TO HIMSELF, MY "INCEL LOVE SONG"...
**Baltika:** I EVEN HAD THE ARRANGEMENTS PLANNED OUT TO BROADCAST IT NATIONWIDE!!
**Demi:** .....That sounds like something that'd get deleted.
*As I felt he got what he deserved, respect super up.*

**Demi:** You can get drunk?
**Baltika:** YES
**Baltika:** ALL I HAVE TO DO IS TURN OFF MY ALCOHOL DECOMPOSITION FUNCTION
**Baltika:** I GET A GOOD BUZZ, GRUMBLE OVER MY PROBLEMS, AND ONCE I'M SATISFIED, I REMOVE IT FROM MY SYSTEM
**Baltika:** WITH MY MECHANICAL BODY, I CAN CONTROL HOW DRUNK I GET AND FOR HOW LONG I WISH
**Baltika:** FUHAHAHAHAHA! I AM AN ALMIGHTY ANDROID!
**Demi:** ...Are you feeling better already?
*As I listen to Baltika's roaring laughter, respect slightly up.*

**Demi:** I'll have a drink too!
**Baltika:** .........REALLY?
**Demi:** Yeah. I'll drink with you.
**Baltika:** ........SNIFFLE. COMMANDER, YOU'RE SO NICE
**Baltika:** SO DIFFERENT FROM MY MASTER. I'LL STICK WITH YOU FOREVER
**Baltika:** I'M GOING TO BE YOUR SON NOW, COMMANDER
**Demi:** Huh....?
*As I struggle to think up a reply, respect somewhat up.*

### Situation 3

**Baltika:** TODAY I WILL CONSUME CURRY

* Curry is delicious.
* Curry research?
* In a hurry for curry? Just kidding.
**Demi:** Curry is delicious.
**Baltika:** YES, MOST INTELLIGENT LIFEFORMS LOVE CURRY
**Baltika:** MASTER IS THE SAME
**Baltika:** AS SUCH, IT IS ALSO NECESSARY FOR ME TO LEARN THE TASTE OF CURRY
**Baltika:** I WILL LEARN TO MAKE THE ULTIMATE CURRY, AND MASTER WILL KNEEL BEFORE ME
**Demi:** (So you're going to make it for him...)
*As I sense kindness from him, respect super up.*

**Demi:** Curry research?
**Baltika:** YES. I AM INVESTIGATING CURRY
**Baltika:** I WILL EAT CURRY, AND ANALYZE ITS EXACT COMPONENTS WITHIN MY BODY
**Baltika:** I WILL THEN RECONVERT THOSE COMPONENTS INTO A CURRY-FLAVORED CALORINFRIEND
**Demi:** Why make curry into a handheld snack...?
*But, it does sound like it could be good. Respect somewhat up.*

**Demi:** In a hurry for curry? Just kidding.
**Baltika:** ..........
**Baltika:** UM. THIS IS RATHER HARD FOR ME TO ASK, BUT
**Baltika:** HAVE YOU SUSTAINED DAMAGE TO YOUR HEAD RECENTLY
**Demi:** .......No.
*Respect barely up.*