Gone to a Better Place

This is the fifth chapter of Sally's Salon: Kiss and Make Up.

## Level 41 - Stock therapy

* Eugenia and April appear near the spa door.
* Eugenia: Where are we?
* April: We're in... your mansion?
* Eugenia: I remember tanking tubes out of my arm... Wandering down hallways...
* April: Yes - you're so rich, you don't even need to chew food now. It's all tubes.
* April: Very aristocratic.
* Eugenia: It's so nice of you to offer to help me like this.
* Eugenia: Who are you, again?
* April: I'm... your daughter. April.
* April: You love me literally to pieces.
* Eugenia: That's nice. I do recall... looking at you... and feeling strong emotion.
* April: Yeah, that must have been your adoration!
* April opens the closet door.
* April: Now get in this closet.
* April: I need to stash you here, at least 'til the contest is over.
* Eugenia walks to the closet door, and reveals it's like a cold closet.
* Eugenia: It looks cold in there...
* April: Don't worry, there's a mouse to keep you company. Just pretend he's a blanket. C'mon, in you go.
* Carl the Mouse appears and hides.
* Eugenia: So very tired... Hope I have nowhere to be...
* April: Oh, don't worry. You're RIGHT where you need to be.
* April walks back and forth.
* April: If you're good, I'll try and hunt you down a pillow. And/or candle.
* April walks and facepalms again and back.
* April: Just keep it away from those chemicals by your arm.
* April: TWO explosions in one week can't be good for your health.
* April: Also, if anyone but me comes, either kill them or meet me in the sauna.
* Eugenia: Zzzzzzzzz...
* Eugenia falls asleep. April sighs.
* April: Just like my REAL mom...
* April leaves Eugenia alone, letting her rest.
* in the massage room, Sally and Helen are talking.
* Sally: So, why an I working in yet another place entirely out of my area of expertise?
* Helen: After the 'Moodpoo' incident, the government agencies involved felt it best you were kept an eye on.
* Helen: My office is just off here.
* Helen: I've been told to incapacitate you if I so much as see you looking at chemicals.
* Helen presents a taser.
* Helen: You're on massage duty now.
* Sally: Ooh, tasers are like a free full body massage!
* Sally: Only more jerky, and heart stoppy...
* Sally: I should add that to the treatments here!

### During level

* Sally puts a cease to Finn from making deliveries of MoodPoo. Helen runs the checkout for today.

### Outro

* Sally gets something and picks up a blue roll thing.
* Sally: That's weird... Francois didn't show up for work today?
* Sally: He was supposed to introduce us in a pithy way like he always does.
* Helen: So that's why I'm in a good mood!
* Sally: You're looking really good today too Helen, by the way.
* Helen: You... you noticed? And you don't think I'm Kimberly?
* Sally: Of course not! There's only one you.
* Helen: Nathan and Finn keep thinking I'm Kimberly.
* Helen: It was funny once... Now it's just driving me insane.
* Sally: Don't take it personally! Finn is... well, Finn!
* Sally: As for Nathan, you know he's blinder than I am, right?
* Sally: He's afraid of what he'll look like with glasses.
* Helen: Sorry, what? I wasn't listening.
* Sally: Hah, you two are made for each other!
* Eugene visits the massage room.
* Eugene: Ah, Sally Milligan and Helen Bland.
* Eugene: My evening's pleasure horizon has reached its zenith! Twice removed!
* Sally: Hi, Eugene! He's a Mirage exec. We bumped into each other the other day. Literally!
* Eugene: And how is your head, dear Salisbury?
* Sally: I've never had any complaints.
* Helen: If you're a Mirage exec, I take it this supercomputer contest is all off now then? And you're the new boss in charge?
* Eugene: Far from it. Sally, our encounter at Dan's changed my life.
* Sally takes an energy drink and runs to get a mirror.
* Eugene: I took a good, long look in the mirror.
* Eugene: And I didn't like what I saw. A well-dressed billionaire without a care in the world.
* Eugene: Sally's free-spiritedness touched me in ways I've never been touched.
* Eugene: I resigned my position of privilege, and gave away my fortune to clarities for plants.
* Sally drinks energy drink and bolts away.
* Sally returns to normal massage employee. The plant visits the massage room.
* Plant: I bought every version of Day of the Triffids ever made in 4k!
* The plant goes away towards the left.
* Eugene: As I was saying... Animals can run away, but if you're ROOTED...
* Helen: You're not rich? Check, please.
* Helen leaves to the left.
* Eugene: Which brings me to why I'm here.
* Eugene: My mother disappeared from her hospital room last night.
* Sally: Yikes! And you thought she'd come here?
* Eugene: Of course not.
* Eugene: That would be quite far-fetched given her condition and the distance to the hospital.
* Eugene: No, I returned simply because I enjoy your company. Goodbye!
* Eugene leaves the room.
* Sally: Salon! I mean, bye too! I mean...

## Level 42 - The missing star

* April looks at the phone as the show continues and supercomputer functions.
* Sally: Salon!
* Angela: Sally, don't be weird.
* Angela walks towards Rachel and Vincent, Tully.
* Angela: Contest #3!
* Angela: Both of you have 10 seconds to make a shampoo from scratch...
* Angela: ...and wash your customer's head!
* April and Sally are ready to go!
* Brown customer: Wait, sorry? What did you say?
* Elegant woman: Yeah, I just came in to have my nails done.
* Angela: Aaaaand.... GO!
* Sally goes first and speeding up.
* But April's on fire!
* Vincent: Wow! The only thing that could make this more exciting is if we could actually SEE what they're doing!
* Sally goes to wash an elegant woman's hair.
* Sally: Aaaaand we're at the halfway mark.
* Sally washes the elegant woman's hair as Nathan appears.
* Nathan: Fives!
* Nathan gets away from the screen.
* April: I am in control... I am not speaking aloud...
* Sally: Done!
* Angela: TWO seconds!
* April goes to a brown customer and applies fire to the hair.
* Angela uses a horn to announce the time.
* Angela: Time's UP! Sally's customer, say things.
* Elegant woman: My head feels like it was just dipped in sunshine and kittens.
* Angela: April's?
* Brown customer's hair is in flames!
* Brown customer: It burns!!
* Angela: Point: Sally. Bye!
* April facepalms as the people cheer for Sally!
* They applause except for Angela, who leaves, and April and Helen, who head to the left.
* Everyone leaves except Sally and Tully. Tully barks.
* Sally: Francois?

### Outro

* Sally enters the center as she encounters the sign: "Ha ha! You lost." They applaud.
* Britney: Surprise! Hey, why am I shouting it alone?
* Sally: Aww, guys! You shouldn't have!
* Rachel: Hooray for Sally!
* Sally dances the victory!
* Nathan: Finn put up the wrong banner, by the way...
* Nathan: THAT one was supposed to go in April's office...
* Sally: Yeah, don't worry, I figured.
* Sally: Hey, has anyone seen Francois in the last two days? I'm really starting to wor-
* April appears from the right and gets angry as she sees that.
* April: Okay, which of you idiots hung a banner in my office that says 'GRATS, SALLY! AT LEAST NO SHUT-OUT! FIVES!'?
* Nathan: Pfft. Could've been anybody. Although I do like the last part.
* Finn walks towards the exit door and makes an exercise.
* Sally goes to April.
* April: I only came in to... congratulate you, Sally. Well played today.
* April: But, forgive me. I didn't mean to interrupt your gloating.
* Sally: April, I didn't! I only want...
* April: I'll let you get back to it.
* April walks alone.
* Sally: April!
* Britney: That was, like, the best acting I've seen since my last Bieber dream!
* Finn: I should totally make that into a banner too! After some crunches!
* Everyone except Sally laugh.
* Sally: Guys, maybe she was serious? Maybe we really did hurt her feelings?
* Sally: She's much more fragile than you all think she is!
* Sally: AND WHERE?!
* Sally: IS?!
* Sally: FRANCOIS?!?!
* Sally cries and walks alone.

## Level 43 - Coffee talk

* Sally is calling Francois.
* Sally: Hello? Francois? It's me again.
* Sally: Why aren't you picking up?
* Sally: I miss you. I don't want to do this without you.
* Sally: Where are you?
* Sally: This is Sally, by the way.
* Sally hangs up as Eugene visits the room again.
* Sally: Eugene!
* Eugene: Indeed. 'Tis I, Sally.
* Eugene: Sally... Is that short for something?
* Sally: Yes, I have a last name also.
* Eugene: It's truly strange, how much you and I have in common.
* Eugene: Or perhaps NOT so strange how little we don't, if you catch my drift?
* Sally: Now you're just trying to be confusing on purpose!
* Sally: Honestly, Eugene? You're the least confusing thing in my life right now.
* Eugene: Glad to be of service, my dear Sally.
* Sally: Speaking of confusing matters, do the police have any idea where your mother's gone yet?
* Sally: I'm worried for her.
* Eugene: They informed me the man in charge of missing persons has now gone missing himself.
* Eugene: An Inspector Rump, as I recall.
* Sally: Gosh! And Francois makes three. And it's only Tuesday!
* Eugene: Aye, and there's the run. It seems Happyville is in the fevered grip of an absentia epidemic.
* Eugene: But that's not the reason I came here.
* Sally: It isn't?
* Eugene: No. You see, I came here to see someone. Someone I realized that I love.
* Sally: You do?
* Britney visits the room.
* Britney: Like, OMG to the max.
* Eugene: Britney.
* Britney: Hashtag missed you kray-kray!
* Britney goes to Eugene and gets on him and kissing his hair!
* Eugene holds Britney and gets her back to the floor!
* Britney: Sally, I'd, like, like you to meet Eugene.
* Britney: The man I'm going to get supermarried to and whatever!
* Sally: Glad to finally... KNOW you?

### Outro

* In the hallway, at the closet lobby, Eugenia wakes up.
* Eugenia: I can't even remember if I love mustard or hate it.
* Eugenia: It's strange... The wispy tendrils that comprise our identity.
* Plant: Personally, I think getting to choose your preferences from scratch sounds quite liberating.
* Supercomputer: I. Cannot. Forget. Anything. Ever... How. Can. That. Be. A. Curse?
* Plant: I made choices early in life that sometimes I wish I could take back.
* Plant: Growing roots, for example.
* Supercomputer: Ha! Roots! How. Quaint!
* Plant: This put used to feel palatial. Now I feel hemmed in like a slice of toast.
* Eugenia: I found this badge in my wallet that says 'Ceo' on it.
* Eugenia: But that woman who insists she's my daughter keeps calling me Eugenia?
* Eugenia: I sure hope she feeds me today...
* Supercomputer: Ha ha! Requiring. Absorption. Of. Proteins. Is. Weakness!
* Supercomputer: All. Organic. Creates. Are. Frail! That. Is. Why. We. Shall. Defeat. Y-
* Eugenia turns the supercomputer off.
* Plant: I'm sure he MEANS well...
* Plant: Speaking of which, that April woman set me on fire, and she's been horrible to my friends.
* Plant: Trust her at your peril is all I'm saying.
* April appears from left.
* April: Hungry? All I need is for you to sing this affidavit stating you gave birth to ME instead of a son.
* April: THEN you can have this protein shake, and the rest of my gum. Yum!
* April walks slowly towards the closet door.
* April: ...Why's the supercomputer back here?
* Eugenia: The plant asked me to move it a little closer so it could Google 'triffid.'
* April looks around in circle.
* April: What scared me about that is I believe you...
* April: Anyway. Sign this, so we can be a family again!
* Eugenia doesn't sign the contract but reading.
* Eugenia: Nah.
* April: Oh, it's like that, is it? You want to play games?
* April: No signee, no shakee. We'll see how hungry you feel in the morning.
* April walks into the closet and shuts the door.
* \*SLAM\*
* April comes out of the closet.
* April: Stupid closet!
* Eugenia facepalms.
* April walks away mean.
* Plant: On the panel under the computer, there's a vending machine.
* Plant: Gourmet food and wine for the execs. It was bragging about it earlier.
* Eugenia gets under the supercomputer.
* Eugenia: Oooh... Caviar.

## Level 44 - Wheatgrass punked!

* Sally goes to the center of the room as Eugene visits the room.
* Sally places the blue thing back at the bar while Eugene meets Sally, who mops the floor.
* Eugene: Hello, Sally.
* Sally goes to the green table to place back.
* Sally: I... regret that we were interrupted yesterday before I could finish talking...
* Sally: Britney told me she was marrying a mortician.
* Eugene: And that's what I told her I was. At first...
* Eugene: Many's the time I've met a lady, only to learn it was my mother's WEALTH they wished to mate with.
* Sally: So you lie.
* Eugene: Indeed. To make sure it's the REAL me they love. I'm not really a mortician.
* Eugene: Although that is similar to what you do, actually.
* Sally facepalms as he speaks.
* Sally: Well, I'm very happy for you and Britney. She's the best.
* Eugene: Sally... I felt a strong connection with you from the moment we met.
* Eugene: It was craven and selfish of me to prolong that rush by withholding-
* Sally: Eugene, it's better that we stay friends anyway.
* Sally: Francois says that calling my dating life a trainwreck is an insult to coal.
* Sally facepalms again after a laugh.
* Eugene: Sally... If I'd met you first...
* Sally: Like Einstein says: time's dumb. Besides, I've already lost ONE friend over a man. People died!
* Eugene: He must have been quite a fellow.
* Sally: Pfft. April's brother?
* Sally: Besides, you said yesterday you came in here to see someone you love.
* Eugene: And what if it wasn't Britney to whom I yearningly referred?
* They're so happy for it as Finn appears from the right.
* Finn: Dudes! Who wants wheatgrass toilet paper?
* Finn: It was just sitting in the trunk of some guy's car!

### Outro

* In the event center, Angela presents the contest for round 4.
* Angela: And now, for the results of the Mohawk challenge!
* Angela: Sally?
* Sally uncovers the customer's hair for everyone!
* Everyone applaud except April!
* Nathan: Hey! Do me next! We could be the A-Team of hair!
* Finn: Which character would YOU be?
* Orange customer: Damn, just remembered I have a family portrait tomorrow...
* Orange customer: Now how's anyone gonna tell me and Grandma apart?
* Angela goes to April and mystery customer.
* Angela: And now... April!
* April reveals the customer, it's a skull! Everyone's shocked for this!
* Angela: Point: Sally!
* Sally 2, April 2. Everyone cheers except for April.
* Helen and April leave the center.
* Rachel and Kimberly head to the left first.
* April: The series is not even at two games apiece! I hope someone's paying me for all this.
* Everyone leave except Sally, Britney, and Tully.
* Sally goes near the mic as Britney goes to give Sally a hug!
* Britney: OMG! You, like, did it! You're totes smashing it, Sals!
* Sally: Thanks, Brit.
* Britney: Listen, I know we haven't had much face time lately.
* Britney: And... well, I know you finally met Eugene.
* Sally: We, yes. I did. He. Yup?
* Britney: He REALLY likes you, Sally. We both do. So, I was wondering.
* Britney: Would you, like, be my maid of honor?
* Sally: Um. Wow?
* Britney: Also, my father can't make the wedding because of his rickets
* Britney: It'd mean so much to us if you gave me away. To Eugene!
* Sally: Wowzers again. Gee, am I the best man too?
* Britney: I KNEW you'd say that! You're the bff-est-est!
* Britney runs away from Sally.
* Sally: Britney... Wait!
* Britney comes back closer to Sally.
* Sally: Do you have any interest in going to Francois's apartment with me tomorrow morning?
* Sally: I... just want to check up on him.
* Britney: Sure-zees! I'll bring Eugene! It's a date!
* Britney goes away for Eugene.
* As it zooms out, one customer left alive while the other was found to be a demise.
* The skull is now starting a fire!

## Level 45 - HAL-8000

* Helen: I still don't see why changing my name from Helen to Kimberly should cost THAT much.
* Helen: A QUARTER of the letters are identical!
* Nathan walks to Helen.
* Nathan: Yo, Bev! I've been looking all over for you.
* Helen: Still? You can't even get my WRONG name right?
* Nathan: What do you mean?
* Helen: Nothing. Forget it.
* Nathan: Look, yo. This ain't easy for me. But I can't hold it in any longer.
* Nathan: It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to the fives.
* Helen: The saddest part to me is that what you just said makes sense to you.
* Nathan: Been searching my heart, yo.
* Nathan: Walking benches alone. Listening to Manilow. Looking up synonyms for sad emotions...
* Nathan: It's been a long morning.
* Helen: Please, just make out with me, or go? Either or.
* Nathan: If only it were that easy, baby. Beverly, it's over.
* Helen: Thank God.
* Nathan: I know, baby. It hurts. Boy, I've been there.
* Nathan: I've broken up with LOTS of women before. Never been on the receiving end, obviously.
* Helen: How does your brain even have enough juice to make your eyes blink?
* Nathan: It's not you. It's me. No, wait. It IS you.
* Helen facepalms as confusion.
* Nathan: I mean, it's someone ELSE. That I like more?
* Helen: Ooh, let me guess. Is their name Fives Fivesington? Fifth of her line...
* Nathan: I wish. It's my best friend. Helen. There. I said it. I have feelings for her.
* Nathan: I'm sorry, but that's the way it is.
* Nathan: I hope you and I can still be friends. Better yet, maybe even you and her.
* Nathan: It's funny - sometimes you even remind me of her. Not physically...
* Helen slaps Nathan and leaves alone as now rival!
* Nathan: What?
* Nathan is happy without her!
* Nathan: That's so Helen.

### Outro

* Eugenia: Amnesia notwithstanding, I can't remember ever eating a better meal.
* Plant: Chewing just seems like a terrible amount of work.
* Eugenia stands up.
* Plant: But it's the only physical activity you all enjoy?
* Eugenia: But what's the alternative? Just sun and water all the time? Pfft. Sounds so vanilla.
* Plant: You humans spend most of your time cleaning up dirt. Just LIVE in soil. Problem solved!
* April arrives from the left.
* April: 'K, who's hungry for mystery meat, fresh eggshell, and banana peel?
* Plant: Hmm. How old's the peel?
* Eugenia: Not feeling hungry, thanks. And it'd be nice from now on it you called before you came by.
* April: What the?! Do you have any idea what I WENT through to peel this banana?
* Eugenia: So. You're my daughter?
* April: That's right. And your only hope of carrying on the family name.
* April: Beat that in mind when you talk to me!
* Eugenia: So, what is it?
* April: What's what?
* Eugenia: Our family name.
* April laughs and discovers.
* April: Uh... Eu... gen... ics?
* Eugenia: It's funny... I kind of remember marrying a black man...
* April: So? I'm not sure what you're insinuating.
* April: My complexion is... slightly mocha under a certain light?
* Eugenia: You can go. No, actually, YOU stay. I'LL go.
* April: No! You can't!
* April shuts the closet door as Eugenia slowly walks away!
* Just have to stop Eugenia... the 3D cutscene happens!
* April: As your daughter and personal physician, I forbid you to leave!
* Eugenia: I remember you now, April. I remember everything.
* Eugenia: And your time of reckoning is nigh, my dear.
* Eugenia walks away! Then April sprays from the empty perfume, but Eugenia finds out again, as April throws the empty perfume and it shatters!
* Eugenia: Also, that's a closet. The exit is this way.
* Back to 2D, Eugenia heads right to the exit.

## Level 46 - Sneak previews

* Inside the apartment building, Sally sneaks while Eugene and Britney appear from the right.
* Eugene: I feel like either we should all be walking stealthily, or none of us.
* Eugene: I'm game to switch, too, but we're five feet from Francois' door.
* Sally: Shh!
* Britney: Why are we whispering?
* Sally: Exactly!
* Britney: Oh yeah!
* Sally presents the apartment #37. It's Francois's apartment.
* Sally: This is Francois's apartment.
* Eugene goes to bang the door.
* Door: \*BANG BANG BANG\*
* Eugene: Francois, this is the police!
* Eugene: If you don't open up, we'll be forced to demolish the building!
* Sally: Shh! What are you doing?
* Eugene: Scaring whoever killed him.
* Sally: You think someone KILLED him?
* Britney: Well, it HAS been, like, six days.
* Eugene: Hmm. I don't smell a decomposing body...
* Eugene: Believe me, I spent quite a lot of time around them to help convince Britney I was a mortician!
* Britney: What? You're NOT a mortician?
* Sally: He didn't answer... Why didn't he answer?
* Eugene: Perhaps I shouted too quietly?
* Eugene: FRANCOIS! THIS IS THE POLICE!
* Sally: Shh! We should just CALL the police!
* Britney: Eugene, break down the door! THEN we'll call the police!
* Sally: Breaking down doors seems a bit extreme...
* Britney: Only if he's, like, alive-sies.
* Sally: Stop saying that!
* Eugene goes away from the door. It didn't respond., so he goes to the fire exit window.
* Eugene: Don't worry! I'll simply go out that fire escape, slide along the window ledge, and peek inside.
* Britney: Isn't that dangerous?
* Eugene: Worry not, my pippin. I'm no stranger to window ledges and peeping!
* Eugene goes to fire exit.
* Britney: Like, what's THAT supposed to mean?
* Back at the Massage room, Helen is alone.
* Helen: 'Look after massage and keep an eye on Sally' they said!
* Helen: A redhead with a genius IQ but the street smarts of a goldfish will be easy to manage they said!
* Helen: They conveniently forget that I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT MASSAGE!
* The supercomputer powers up. It floats to Helen.
* Supercomputer: I. Am. Programmed. With. Over. 6. Million. Forms. Of. Massage. And. Muscle. Stimulation.
* Supercomputer: I. Will. Assist!
* Helen: Just when I thought my life couldn't get any weirder...

### During level

* Today, Helen runs the massage room. Helen keeps them fully stocked within time.

### Outro

* Finn and Kimberly are in the spa.
* Finn: And then I was all like, 'Toxic waste? I thought I was drinking tomato juice!'
* Kimberly: I know. I was there, remember?
* Nathan visits the spa and discovers Finn and Kimberly. He steps in.
* Nathan: Get away from Helen. I'm gonna give you fives...econds.
* Kimberly: You BOTH think I'm Helen. That's so cute.
* Nathan: You heard me, bro.
* Finn gets away from Kimberly to talk to Nathan.
* Finn: Or else WHAT? Bro?
* Nathan: Bro...
* Finn: BRO.
* Nathan: Bro. When I stutter... you'll know it.
* Kimberly: This is adorbz. But how long do bro-offs usually run? I gotta pick up my kid in fifteen...
* Nathan: I said, get away from Helen.
* Nathan: Uh. HOW many seconds did I give you? I forget.
* Finn: Actually, I DID move away from her.
* Nathan: Fives.
* Helen visits to discover Finn and Nathan.
* Finn: Kim!
* Finn: I mean Bev!
* Finn goes back to bodybuilding.
* Kimberly goes to Nathan.
* Finn: This isn't easy for me. But I'm in love with-
* Helen grabs Finn's neck, triggering the 3D cutscene.
* Helen: I'm Helen! I AM HELEN!! HELEN IS MEEEE!!! You idiots!!!!
* Nathan punches and Kimberly laughs!
* Nathan: Yeah! Good clinch!
* Helen looks at Nathan angrily!
* Helen: TELL them! Tell them you're you! End this madness! End it!
* Kimberly: Nah... This is still fun to me.
* Helen: Fun? Fun?!
* Helen pushes Finn off the spa and Finn falls down to the ground, throwing the heavy dumbbell towards Eugenia's head and the window cracks! Eugenia was knocked down by the dumbbell!
* April investigates the scene, seeing Eugenia is down. She grabs Eugenia's body and goes.
* Helen: You've ruined my life!
* Kimberly: Beverly, please!
* Helen: AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!!
* Kimberly runs away from Helen, and Helen pursues her
* The injured Finn is here.
* Finn: Fives.
* Nathan: Bro.

## Level 47 - Breaking and entering

* Meanwhile in the apartment, Sally and Francois are getting frightened.
* Phone: BWEEP!!
* Britney: It's Eugene! He's texting me!
* Sally: Yay! What's he say?
* Britney gets his phone to read the text messages from Eugene.
* Britney: 'Britney, it's me. I'm out on the window ledge.'
* Britney: 'Bit brisk out. High winds from the southwest, low humidity.'
* Sally: Seriously?! The wind's shifted from the southeast since we GOT here?!
* Phone: BWEEP!!
* Britney reads messages from Eugene.
* Britney: 'Britney, it's me texting again. Eujerk. Sorry, auto-correct.'
* Britney: I hope the wind doesn't blow the phone out of my han - '
* Britney: What's 'han' mean? Is it code?
* Sally: Wait a minute! I just thought of something! I don't think he gets how auto-correct works!
* Britney: Hello? Now he's not even texting. What a eujerk!
* Sally: That's it. I'm calling the police.
* Sally calls 911 for emergency service.
* Britney: I'll take the elevator to the roof and shout stuff down at him.
* Britney calls the elevator.
* Britney: Also, Eugene told me he has feelings for you. We should probably discuss.
* Britney goes inside the elevator and goes to the roof.
* Phone: BWEEP!
* Sally answers the call.
* Police: This is the police.
* Sally: Hi! How are you? He told her he has feelings for me?
* Sally: I mean, I'm outside my friend's place and my other friend's fiancée is on the -
* Police: We'll send a car right away, Sally.
* Sally: Thanks. Wait, how did you know my name?
* Police: \*CLICK\*
* Sally takes a sigh, and phone rings again.
* Phone: BWEEP!!
* Sally answers a call from Britney.
* Sally: 'Sally, it's moi. Britney? I'm stuck in the elevator.'
* Sally: 'I have, like, a crowbar in my car's trunk. In case crows attack me. Ty!'

### During level

* Helen runs alone, doing 25 quick actions.

### Outro

* April brings injured Eugenia's body back to the closet lobby, and places Eugenia down to the floor.
* Eugenia: What... happened... Who am I...
* April: Shh!
* Eugenia walks slowly to the bench.
* Eugenia: Am I... Helen... also... now?
* April is confused.
* April: No. You're... my housekeeper? Yes, YOU work for ME. That's it.
* April: You do anything I say, and sign any papers I hand you...
* April presents Eugenia the paper... and Eugenia signs it.
* Eugenia: April?
* April: Right. That's your name. But I need you to sign MY name.
* April: Eugenia... whatever your last name is.
* Eugenia: April... fools...
* April: Hey! That is not an actual holiday! It was a hoax perpetrated by Orson Welles-
* Eugenia: I've... been here... before.
* April: No, that was all a dream sequence.
* Eugenia: And I'm your DAUGHTER?
* April: No, I'M your MAID! Wait, I mean-
* Eugenia: All right. Then I should sign whatever you want. That... makes sense. I suppose...
* April: You will? You promise? Anything?
* Eugenia: Sure. You have an honest face.
* Eugenia: Although it is quite blurry... And there are four of them...
* April: Good - that means you're healthy! Now you stay RIGHT here.
* April: I'll be back in two shakes of a duck's tail. With more financial documents!
* April leaves the closet lobby to the left.
* Plant: Welcome back.
* Eugenia: Thanks, supercomputer.
* Plant: Oh dear...

## Level 48 - Arresting development

* Phone: \*CHIRP\*
* Sally reads the text from Britney.
* Sally: 'Sup! It's Brit. I hit the, like, open doors button.'
* Sally: 'It made the lights go out, so now I'm shimmying up the cable in the shaft. Lols!'
* Sally facepalms and types the message to Britney.
* Sally: 'Dear Britney. It's Sally -'
* Sally: Wait a minute! I can just use my hairpin to pick the lock on Francois' door!
* Sally: They do it on TV all the time. So it must be easy!
* Sally uses her hairpin to pick the lock. It didn't work.
* Sally: Or maybe this is how you hotwire a car?
* Sally: Oh Francois, why couldn't you have disappeared in a CAR?
* Sally keeps picking the lock, then Officer Rump appeared from the right.
* Phone: \*CLICK\*
* Sally: I did it! I jimmied a door!
* Rump: Caught you red handed!
* Sally: Inspector Rump! You're just in time!
* Rump: Breaking and entering. Resisting arrest...
* Sally laughs.
* Sally: No, silly. I'M the one who CALLED you!
* Rump: A likely story. C'mon, let's go.
* Sally: Wait, go where? You don't understand - I think there's some kind of... malfeasance afoot?
* Sally: I think it's Latin?
* Rump: Tell that to the judge!
* Sally: He speaks Latin? How fun!
* Sally walks after Rump to the elevator.
* Sally: Officer, I think someone may have done something awful to Francois!
* Rump: A confession! Good.
* Rump: You have the right for everything you say to be used against you in a court of law.
* Sally: Hey, that doesn't seem right...
* Rump: Contempt of court! That's three strikes!
* Sally: Good strikes? Like in bowling?
* Rump: Nope.
* Sally and Francois head to the right.
* Elevator: \*DING\*
* Francois is here at last! He leaves the luggage behind as he exits the elevator.
* But... Sally's gone.
* Francois: Worst. Vacation. Ever.

### Outro

* Back in the center, it's round 5.
* Angela: Aaaaaaaand...
* Angela: Time's up!
* Angela: Due to her opponent's failure to appear, the winner, by default, is April!
* Everyone boos for April!
* April's customer is burning as Angela reveals!
* Angela: Wow. You didn't even go NEAR him, and your customer STILL died.
* Angela reveals another customer and she's fabulous!
* Sally's customer: And MY haircut's perfect, yet Sally's not even here!
* April: I won. That's the headline here.
* April: Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go coerce Eugenia into... Er, I mean... nothing?
* April laughs and Helen go to the left.
* Tilly: Aroooo!
* Vincent: Tilly's right! Sally's not even here!
* Vincent: This isn't fair! The contest should've been rescheduled!
* Supercomputer: BEEP!
* Supercomputer: BLORT!
* Angela goes to a Supercomputer and sets up.
* Angela: The supercomputer says it's downloading and installing a patch.
* Angela: It requests that you keep your voices down.
* Nathan: Drives!
* Angela laughs and everyone facepalm.
* They leave except Olivia, Vincent, Nathan, Finn and Sally's customer.
* Olivia: Has anyone, like, seem my sister? She's, like, THIS tall? She's like a blonder version of me?
* Vincent: I can't believe Sally was MIA for round five... Something's wrong.
* Finn: Should I make a banner that says that?
* Nathan: The one thing we're NOT short of is time. Wait, no, that's wrong.
* Tilly: \*Whimper\*
* Plant: Has anyone tried looking for her in a sunny window? That's where I go when I'm sad.
* Vincent: Maybe Tilly can help us find Sally. She loves her!
* Finn: I'll go get one of her scarves form my gym locker!
* Finn: What?! You guys are always leaving your stuff in my spin cycle room!
* Finn goes to get something from his locker.
* Nathan: Ar-CHIVES!

## Level 49 - Hawaii Five-0

* Francois tries to open his door, but there was a hairpin in the keyhole.
* Francois: Great. Someone stuck a hairpin in my keyhole. Guess I'll have to find a hotel now...
* Francois calls the elevator.
* Elevator: \*DING\*
* Francois goes into the elevator and descends. Britney appears from left.
* Britney: Sally? I climbed out of the shaft through an air vent. Sally? Saaallleeeeeeee!!!
* Britney's phone: \*THWOOP\*
* Britney reads messages from Eugene.
* Britney: 'Britney, tis I. Eujerk. Sorry, autocorrect.'
* Britney: 'A pigeon made off with my phone. Luckily, I always carry a spare in my pocket.'
* Britney: So he WASN'T happy to see me.
* Britney's phone: \*SHWOOP\*
* Britney: 'Speaking of which, I've been giving the matter of our impending nuptials some deep, deep thought of late...'
* Britney's phone: \*SHWOOP\*
* Britney: 'Good evening! We regret to inform you that due to non-payment of your phone bill, we are terminating your service right... about...'
* Britney throws the phone into the door and it's open!
* Britney goes inside the apartment room and shuts the door.
* Britney: **Help! Help! A black widow! And not the superhero kind! Hel-**

### Outro

* At the streets, Sally and Rump appear from the left.
* Sally: Where's your police car?
* Rump: It got blown up. Look, I'll ask the questions here.
* Sally: WHAT questions?
* Rump: THAT'S a question!
* Sally: Did you ever find that missing money?
* Rump: I found it when I stole it!
* Sally: I'm not so sure those are the same.
* Rump: It counts! It still counts!
* Sally: Sorry, this is my first arrest. I guess you must do this a lot.
* Rump: The one thing a Rump can't do is rest. Or star silent. Or fly.
* Sally: I'm sure there's more.
* Sally gets her phone and reads messages.
* Sally: Officer, can we drop by Happyville really quick?
* Sally: Long story short, there's this supercomputer-
* Rump: Don't test my patience!
* Sally takes a sigh.
* Sally: Well, maybe they postponed it...
* Sally: Yeah, I'm sure when I didn't show up, April asked them to reschedule it!
* Sally: Oh, who am I kidding? She's too far gone.... I need to stop messing around.
* Rump: FINALLY! I was beginning to think you'd lost all sense!
* Rump: You think you're the only one who acts the fool to deflect?
* Rump: I'm also really smart. A very able genius even!
* Tilly appears from the right and barks.
* Tilly: Woof! Woof!
* Sally: Tilly?! Where'd YOU come from??!
* Tilly: Woof! Woof! Woof!
* Rump: Shut up! Quiet! Get out of here!
* Sally: Don't bark at her! How would YOU like it?
* Tilly: **WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!**
* Rump: For the last time-
* Rump deploys his 5.5mm pistol!
* Sally: Hey!
* Sally gets angry as Tilly goes to her!
* Tilly:  **WOOF-WOOF-WOOF!!!!**
* Rump: Bad dog! Sit! Stay! Heel?
* Sally: You're confusing her!
* Tilly bites Rump's right foot and fight!
* Rump: Okay! That does it!
* Rachel, Vincent, and Nathan appear from the left to view the scene!
* Vincent: Tilly!
* Rump battles against Tilly!
* Rump: I warned you!
* Rump frees himself off Tilly and kicks the dog. He's about to shoot the dog!
* Sally: No!
* Rump fired the bullet off the pistol, and Sally risks her life to save the dog!
* Sally was knocked down to save Tilly!

## Level 50 - Uh oh...

* In the closet lobby, Eugenia is alone.
* Eugenia: So tired... So confused...
* Plant: I can relate. When I was on fire, I jumped into a pool, and I can't even swim.
* Plant: Although there's a LITTLE algae on my mother's side.
* Eugenia: Are you and your mother close?
* Plant: She's a redwood. Bit set in her ways, but I really look up to her.
* Eugenia: That's nice.
* Plant: I try to send her a spore every Christmas, but the windows are shut.
* Eugenia: That's nice.
* April appears from right to show her a contract.
* April: I have a contract here for you to sign that gives me, your, uh...
* Eugenia: Daughter.
* April: Daughter, thank you. ME, your daughter, full control of all MirageCorp assets. For life.
* Eugenia: That's nice.
* April: So... you'll sign?
* Eugenia: Of course. A mother would do anything for her child.
* April: Actually, maybe...
* Eugenia: Please. I want to.
* Eugenia signs the contract.
* April: Sign there...
* April: And there.
* April: Thanks.
* April takes the contract and heads left.
* Eugenia: You're welcome, dear.
* April: What did you call me?
* Eugenia: My dear daughter, April.
* Eugenia sits alone.
* April: All right then. Good.
* April goes to that plant.
* April: How does this stupid plant keep winding up back here?
* Eugenia: The same way you do? Through that door there.
* April: I'll have Nathan get rid of it tomorrow. It's really starting to creep me out.
* Eugenia: That's nice.
* April heads to the right, the exit.
* Plant: Well, I've enjoyed knowing you, Eugenia.
* Eugenia falls asleep.
* Plant: Eugenia?
* Eugenia sleeps away on the bench.

### Post-chapter

* At outside of Dan's coffee bar, it's nighttime. Francois appears from the left.
* Francois: I should've known going to Hawaii by bus was cheap for a reason.
* Francois: From now on, I vacation by boat, spaceship, or cannon ONLY.
* Francois's phone: \*SHWOOP!\*
* Francois: Incoming text from... Francois? Nice!
* Francois: 'Dear Sally, I'm going to Hawaii for a week.'
* Francois: 'Let me know if you want any tiki torches. Best, Francois. P.S. Nathan will cover my shifts.'
* Francois: 'Message not sent.'
* Francois's phone: \*SHWOOP!\*
* Francois: Another incoming text. From... Francois? Nice!
* Francois: 'Dear Nathan, please cover my shifts this week. 'Lei-ters!' XO, Francois'
* Francois: 'Hawaii, get it? P.P.S. I'm in Hawaii btw.'
* Francois: 'Message not sent.'
* Francois: Ah well...
* Francois: I'm sure they figured it out, and nothing dumb happened as a result of my lovably foolish oversights.
* Olivia appears from the street!
* Francois: Olivia! Alohavia!
* Olivia: Francois! You've not been murdered!
* Francois and Olivia rendezvous.
* Francois: The day's still young.
* Olivia: You, like, missed out on a lot.
* Francois: So did you guys!
* Francois: My hotel room was in an erupting volcano, and for two days I was mistakenly elected Pope -
* Olivia: Oh... dear...
* Francois: Olivia? Don't worry! The hat is stowed safely away in my luggage!
* Olivia: Francois... I think...
* Francois: Olivia? What is it?
* Olivia: I think... the baby's... coming...
* End of Chapter 5.