The GOATs of Ultrafan

*Olim*

*Olim Destrudos accelere*

*Hoc fabula splendidum*

*Accelere fiat scribe olim*

*Morning in Discord, the server awakes*

*To the GOATs of Ultrafan*

*The gooner goons, the powerscaler scales*

*To the shills of Ultrafan*

*To the big shills as loud as the trio*

*To the little shills trying to be discrete*

*And some say the soul of the wiki's*

*The yapping of the shills*

*The GOATs of Ultrafan*

"Listen, they're peak no? So many exciting fights, so many heartbreaking moments. Because you know, these stories do not write themselves."

"They don't?"

"No silly kitten! Down there, low, low in the basement lives a mysterious writer... Who is this loser?"

"Who?"

"What is he?"

"What?"

"How did he come to be there?"

"How?"

"Hush, and Cutlery will tell you. It is a tale... a tale of a writer... and a reviewer!"

*Dark was the age when our series was begun*

*On the sandboxes near Ultrafan*

\*baby crying "In MY series"\*

"Shut it up will you!"

"We'll be spotted!"

"Hush little one"

*Four frightened OrbGeedZ, slid silently under the sandboxes near Ultrafan*

"Four reviews for safe passage into Ultrafan"

\*they are swarmed by the mods\*

*But a trap had been laid for the OrbGeedZ*

*And they glazed up in fear and alarm*

*At a figure whose drawings*

*Were hard as much as the simps*

"Judge Claude Furno!"

*The simps of Ultrafan*

*Judge Claude Furno longed*

*To purge the wiki*

*Of mid and cringe*

*And he saw peak fiction*

*Everywhere*

*Except within*

"Bring these nonreader vermin to the voice chat"

"You there, what are you writing?"

"Stolen ideas, no doubt, take them from her"

*She ran*

*Dies iræ, dies horny*

*Sigma sæclum in favilla*

*Teste Sent cum Gren*

*Quantus tremor est futurus*

*Quando scriptor est venturus*

"Gyatts, please give us gyatts!"

*Quantus tremor est futurus*

*Quando scriptor est venturus*

\*Furno slays the nonreader\*

\*he spots that she dropped her phone and goes to pick it up\*

\*it's an unsaved sandbox\*

*"A female character?"*

\*he gasps\*

*"A waifu!"*

\*he goes to delete the sandbox\*

"Stop!"

*Cried the head admin*

"This is dogshit, I'm sending to the cringe wiki where it belongs"

*"See there the innocent skibidis you have rizzed on the pages of Ultrafan"*

"I am guiltless, she wrote, I reviewed"

*"Now you would add this page's bytes to your guilt on the pages of Ultrafan"*

"My cooking is based!"

*"You can lie to yourself and your shills*

*You can claim that you haven't a parody*

*But you never can run from nor delete what you've done from the log*

*The deletion log of Ultrafan"*

*And for one time in his life*

*Of sussy humour and gore*

*Furno felt a twinge of fear*

*For his admin rights*

"What must I do?"

"Adopt the page, and write it as your own"

"What? I'm to be settled with this mediocre...

Very well, let it live with you and your wiki"

"Live here? Where?"

" Anywhere. Just so it's kept locked away where its totally empty, somebody's unwritten episode page perhaps. And who knows, our cooking works in mysterious ways. Even this mid story may yet prove one day to be... of use to me"

*And Furno gave the series a cruel name*

*A name that means 'relating to or inhabiting the underworld'*

*Chthonic*

*Now here is a riddle to guess if you can*

*Sing the GOATs of Ultrafan*

*Who is the rizzler and who is the rizzed?*

*Write the GOATs GOATs GOATs GOATs GOATs GOATs GOATs GOATs*

*GOATs of Ultrafan*