Hoist up the Thing

"Hoist up the Thing" is the first track on the 2020 album Cures What Ails Ya. Written by Robbie Sattin, this is a  Longest Johns original.

It weaves a comedic story of an inexperienced fraud posing as a sea captain to hilarious effect.

## Factoids

Robbie has said this is his favorite song to lead.

## Lyrics

>
> Fresh out of college, with grades straight from Hell,
>
> I browsed for a trade at which I could excel.
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> An ad for a ship in need of some manning,
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> Men, sails, and purpose, but lacking a captain.
>
>
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> What luck, says I, to find such good fortune!
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> A few white lies later, I ran down the pier.
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> Bought me a coat and a cutlass or two,
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> Jumped on the deck, and I yelled at the crew:
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>
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> {Chorus}
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> Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit!
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> What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it!
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> Turn hard to port! (That's not port?) Now I've got it!
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> Trust me, I'm in control!
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>
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> I can’t sing the shanties, it has to be said,
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> And all of that grog just goes right to my head.
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> Whale meat is gross and I miss a girl’s laugh.
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> Five weeks at sea, even Dave seems a catch!
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>
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> {Chorus}
>
>
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> We’ve hit icy waters, no land to be seen.
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> The food’s getting low and the beer has gone green.
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> There’s murmurs of discontent under the deck.
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> If I don’t act fast, it could be my neck!
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>
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> So pull up the charts and those weird gold machines
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> I see what it says but no clue what it means!
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> Just pull on some levers and yank on some chains,
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> Feign a bad back 'til we’ve landed again.
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>
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> {Chorus x3}
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>
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> (Final Chorus)
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> Hoist up the thing! Batten down the whatsit! (Huh?)
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> What's that thing spinning? Somebody should stop it! (BLOODY HELL!)
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> Turn hard to port! (This is SHERRY!) Now I've got it! (Screaming)
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> Trust me, I'm in control! (MOMMY)
>
>
>
> Trust me, I'm in control!
>
>
>
>

## Recordings

#### Streaming/Purchase

* Amazon Music (Cures What Ails Ya version
* Amazon Music (Commodore 1864 version)
* Amazon Music (Made of Ale version)
* Apple Music/iTunes (Cures What Ails Ya version)
* Apple Music/iTunes (Commodore 1864 version)
* Apple Music/iTunes (Made of Ale version)
* Bandcamp (Cures What Ails Ya version)
* Deezer (Cures What Ails Ya version)
* Deezer (Commodore 1864 version)
* Deezer (Made of Ale version)
* Pandora (Cures What Ails Ya version)
* Pandora (Commodore 1864 version)
* Spotify (Cures What Ails Ya version)
* Spotify (Commodore 1864)
* Spotify (Made of Ale version)

#### YouTube Videos

* Music Video
* Made of Ale Sessions video
* Commodore 1864 version

#### Gig Videos

* Shrewsbury Folk Festival (27 Aug 2021)
* Whelan's, Dublin, Ireland (3 Dec 2021)
* Old Songs (25 Feb 2022)
* Le Poisson Rouge, NYC (27 Feb 2022)
* Exeter Phoenix (26 April 2022)
* Nottingham - The Bodega (30 Apr 2022)
* Fox Theater - Boulder, CO (2 Nov 2022)
* The Studio at the Factory - Dallas, TX (23 Nov 2022)
* Shanties 2023 - Krakow, Poland (26 Feb 2023)
* Kraków, Poland (26 Feb 2023)
* Cursus Festival 2023
* Falmouth International Sea Shanty Festival (17 Jun 2023)

#### Full Band Streams

* Album Launch Party! Cures What Ails Ya, Available June 10th (Preorder Now) (10 Jun 2020)
* It's hot! Stream was a bad choice... Or was it? (24 Jun 2020)
* 100k Subscriber Thank You Stream (19 Aug 2020)
* Carry On My Wayward Stream (16 Sep 2020)
* We Built This Stream(y) on Shant and Folk (11 Nov 2020)
* Boulevard of Broken Streams (17 Feb 2021)
* We're Going to Wellermania! (14 Apr 2021)
* Desert Bus 2021
* THE SING ALONG! JINGLE JAM 2021 - DAY 6! w/ The Longest Johns (9 Dec 2021)
* Exstream Close-up (31 May 2022)
* Jingle Jam 2022 (10 Dec 2022)
* Streamship Troopers (15 Mar 2023)
* A Midsummer Nights Stream (5 Jul 2023)
* Jingle Jam 2023 | Day 4 (4 Dec 2023)
* JINGLE JAM DAY 8! The Longest Johns Live Jingle Jam Concert (8 Dec 2023)

#### Gaming Streams

* Anyone for a Shanty? | Sea of Thieves Singing Live Stream!! (Part 2) (23 Sep 2020)
* Sing & Sail & Kegs me Skellyboys! - 15/06/2020 Stream
* Sea of Thieves Tall Tales Marathon for Charity Part 1 (24 Jun 2020)
* Sea of Thieves Tall Tales Marathon for Charity : Part 2 (24 Jun 2020)
* GHOST SHIP! And some singing I guess... - 19/06/2020
* Sea of Sings (and probably thieves) - 26/06/2020
* Sea of Sings on a Monday afternoon, oh what a splendid sight to see - 29/06/2020
* Sea of Sings on a Friday evening, oh what a salty sight to sea - 03/07/2020
* Sea of Sings: Sing harder! - 06/07/2020
* Sea of Sings. Tonight we hit the high C's... - 10/07/2020
* Sea of Sings. Tonight we hit the high C's... - 10/07/2020 - Song repeated
* Sea of Sings. Tonight we sink to the low C's... - 13/07/2020
* Sea of Sings! Let's ride the waves like majestic manatees! - 17/07/2020
* Sea of Sings! Let's get boaty! - 20/07/2020
* Sea of Sings! Let's get boaty! - 20/07/2020 - Song repeated
* Musical larceny on the big blue wet thing - 10/08/2020
* Hoist Up The Thing! - 14/08/2020
* I like big boats and I cannot lie - 17/08/2020
* Boat! Boat! Boat! Boat! Boat! - 21/08/2020
* Sea of Sings, Arena edition! w/ KHARITES\_ & xSHUMBAx - 24/08/2020
* It's Sea of Sings! Featuring Krotukk! Huzzah! - 28/08/2020
* Tunes and Topgallant Sails - 31/08/2020
* Super Monday Afternoon Singing Time On The Sea! - 07/09/2020
* \*bangs table\* boat boat dogs vaults sing boat! - 11/09/2020
* Musical larceny on the big blue wet thing - 14/09/2020
* It's boat time! Sea of Sings! - 21/09/2020
* Sea of Sings? Sea of chaos! - 25/09/2020
* Yarr harr fiddley dee and all that. Sea of Sings! - 28/09/2020
* SHANT! - 02/10/2020
* Sea of Sings! - 05/10/2020
* Sea of Thieves? Singing? Splendid! - 09/10/2020
* Sea of Sings! Yarr and all that... - 16/10/2020
* Sailing, Wailing and Failing with Captain Falcore! - 19/10/2020
* Sea of Sings! Let's Shant! With Kharites & TeachCourage! - 23/10/2020
* Sea of Sings! 3 2 1 SHANT! - 26/10/2020
* DROPS! Sea of Sings! with BehavingBeardly! SHANT! - 30/10/2020
* DROPS! Sea of Sings! with BehavingBeardly! SHANT! - 30/10/2020 - Song repeated
* Sea of Sings! with AsylumGC8! SHANT! - 31/10/2020
* Sea of Sings! with Spammals! SHANT! - 1/11/2020
* Sea of Sings! with Captain\_Falcore! SHANT! - 2/11/2020
* Sea of Sings! with KroTukk! SHANT! - 3/11/2020
* Sea of Sings! Welcome to the Shantydome! - 6/11/2020
* Sea of Sings! - 13/11/2020
* Shants on the sea! - 16/11/2020
* Full Friendship followed by Battle Royale! - 23/11/2020
* Sea of Adventure with BehavingBeardly - 27/11/2020
* Sea of Joviality with KroTukk and KHARITES\_ - 28/11/2020
* Sea of Hijinks with Freyline - 29/11/2020
* Sea of Good Tidings - 30/11/2020
* Welcome to the Shantdome! - 4/12/2020
* Musical larceny on the big blue wet thing - 7/12/2020
* Musical larceny on the big blue wet thing - 7/12/2020 - Song repeated
* Let's do a sing and get in the sea !drops - 11/12/2020
* Let's do pirate stuff - 12/12/2020
* Let's get splashy - 14/12/2020
* Let's get splashy - 18/12/2020
* Sea of Sings, ye scurvy dogs! | - 4/01/2021
* Get in the sea! it's Sea of Sings! | - 6/01/2021
* Let's get piratical! Sea of sings! - 8/01/2021
* Sea of Sings in the morning! - 11/01/2021
* Sea of Sings! Pirate malarkey afoot! - 15/01/2021
* Virtual Pirate Concert with Krotukk - 16/01/2021
* It's yarr time! Sea of Sings! Set sails to 100% - 22/01/2021
* Sea of Sings! Seasons or something! - 29/01/2021
* Sea of Sings! Yarr? - 01/02/2021
* Game Dev stream! Yarrs for everyone! - 05/02/2021
* Sea of Sings! Let's get splashy! - 06/02/2021
* Sea of Sings with Azuki and HappyKrakenX - 08/02/2021
* Sea of Sings with Teachcourage and TheSneakyBeagle - 09/02/2021
* Sea of Sings! Let's get splashy! - 12/02/2021
* Sea of Sings LIVE | The Longest Johns Sea of Thieves Stream
* Sea of Sings! Boats and stuff! - 15/02/2021
* Sea of Sings - It's boat time - 22/02/2021
* Sea of Sings! With JD, Dave, Robbie and WIREDmag! - 08/03/2021
* Give it away, give it away, give it away now! | Sea of Sings - 15/03/2021
* Sea of Sings with Kharites\_! Let's help her celebrate reaching 7k followers! - 19/03/2021
* Singing and Sailing with BehavingBeardly and KroTukk - 21/03/2021
* Singing and Sailing in Sea of Thieves! With @RobRaven - 29/03/2021
* Giveaway Giveaways on the Waves! - 12/04/2021
* Season Two!! New skins, new voyages, same old Kharites\_! - 16/04/2021
* It's Monday, Monday, Singing and Sailing on Monday! - 26/04/2021
* How many pirates does it take to change THE MUSIC INDUSTRY AS WE KNOW IT?!? - 07/05/2021
* Let's get in the sea and do a music! - 14/05/2021
* Help me, Bob, we're bullies in a galley! - with Kharites\_ & Krotukk! - 28/05/2021
* Stop blowing holes in my ship! with THE Cpt Jack Sparrow & THE Kharites\_! - 25/06/2021
* A Stream! Ho! Stream away, we'll Sea of Thieves together, with Kharites - 04/06/2021
* Sloop, Sloop, a tasty Sloop, Sloop... Singing and Sailing Monday Style - 28/06/2021
* Sea of Sings! With @RoyalNavyESports - 12/07/2021
* Sea of Sings! Lets hope the internet is fixed... - 19/07/2021
* Sea of Sings LIVE | The Longest Johns Sea of Thieves Stream
* The seas are alive, with the sound of cannons! with Kharites\_ and Krotukk - 30/07/2021
* Friday funtime happy murder party! with Kharites & Krotukk - 13/08/2021
* Singing and a'Sailing with RobRaven - 16/08/2021
* \*\*Insert Stream Title Here\*\* - Sea of Sings with SneakyBeagle - 30/08/2021
* Ah For Just One Time, I would Sing and Sail in Sea of Thieves! - 23/08/2021
* To the boatmobile! There's DROPS! - 01/10/2021
* Aga Do Do Do, Eat Pineapples Do A Stream! With KHARITES\_ and Krotukk - 08/10/2021
* Sailing with friends and singing shanties? I'd ship that! with Krotukk - 15/10/2021
* Say "A shoddily shod ship" 3 times fast... - 29/10/2021
* Bo.........@? - 15/11/2021
* We're Back!! First Sing & Sail of 2022 - 10/01/2022
* New things?!? Well, new to us anyway. Now with added Spammals!! - 28/03/2022
* Two SoT streams in one week?!? What is this, 2020? - 01/04/2022

1. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49sN3poGGHE&t=9465s