Minneapolis LIVE: Gaylaxicon 2019

> "*I'm gonna dazzle, dazzle, dazzle, razzle dazzle. I'm gonna twirl twirl, shamblam shablam, cartwheel, backflip, and then Im going to hurt myself a little bit.*"
> ― Utica Queen
>
>

**Minneapolis LIVE: Gaylaxicon 2019** is the seventh episode of Queens of Adventure Legends. In it, the Tuckernauts are summoned to be tested in the World of Wonder.

 Summary

Three members of the Tuckernauts, Nocturna Lee Mission, The Other Jeannie Retelle, and Utica Queen, make camp for the night in the Shady Pines forest on their way to the Enchanted Wig Market.

They awake in a strange place: A pink brick lined workroom, and are greeted by a giant floating baby. He explains they are on the Ship of Trials, and are looking for queens who have the potential to be Legendary.

He asks the queens to perform their signature moves. Nocturna demonstrates nailography. Jeannie shows her Jeannie Smash, dropping to the floor (and causing the spirits to rumble under the floor). Utica does a frog-legged booty pop.

The group notices that the room is rocking and creaking gently. The baby tells them their trials can now begin. The queens ask his name, and the baby says he is known as The Producer. He opens a door leading to a long hallway.

Emerging from the other end of the hallway, the queens enter a room with a door 50 feet up on the opposite wall. As music plays, panels in the floor light up. Nocturna steps on the panels in order, and the floor rises into stairs. However, large blades swing down every few feet, one slashing her. Jeannie follows her, and administers a mess kit for minimal effect. Utica uses *firebolt*, melting two of the blades. Jeannie cracks her whip, knocking the final blade down. Utica touched the door, it bursts into star shaped balloons.

As she enters the new room, a cozy chair filled lounge, she casts *dancing light.* They see no exit, but there is a sailor suited kobold. He says he will show them the exit if they play a riddle game. Jeannie stuns her friends with how quickly she guesses them.

The queens move through the next passage, arriving in a lobby with three grand staircases to a landing. Each has a animal carved into its banister: a frog, a turtle, and a crab. They head up the left staircase with the turtle. As they reach the landing, the floor ripples and a giant turtle wielding a sword and nun-chucks emerges. It runs at them.

Utica uses *mage hand* and steals the nun-chucks. In retaliation, the turtle triggers a legendary action: tucking in all limbs into his shell and spinning through the air towards them. Jeannie finds some pizza in her rations and tries to entice the turtle to be friendlier to them. The turtle grabs the pizza and spins away.

The turtle pops out of his shell and casts *teenage attitude* on Nocturna. She resists, feeling out of touch with the youth. He swings his sword, but the spirits pull it away from her at the last moment. Nocturna retaliates with *ray of frost,* freezing the turtle in place.

Utica lunges with the nun-chucks, cracking the shell. He drops his sword and slashes Utica with his claws. Jeannie vibrates into a rage, magic light erupting from her, hurting Nocturna and the turtle. She climbs up the turtle, knocking him to the floor, and swings her hand axe, cracking the shell. As Utica resisted the light so well, she gets an extra attack, casting *magic missile*.

Nocturna walks up, drawing her *shadow blade*, and stabs it between the turtle's eyes, cutting off the top of its skull. She tucks it into her satchel. A door opens.

Stepping through the door, they find themselves on the deck. The ship is floating through a vast sea of stars and cosmic clouds. The deck is covered in chairs filled with celestial beings sitting around a stage. The Giant Baby hovers over the stage and greets them. Only their group and one other made it this far, he says, as another party of three queens emerge out of another door. The Producer says the contest will be decided by a runway challenge. The other team goes first, sneering and laughing at the Tuckernauts as they walk. Then it is the Tuckernaut's turn.

Jeannie grabs her compatriots, tucks them under her arms, using *animal handling,* and hooves down the catwalk. Utica casts *dancing lights* using her *arcana* knowledge, to better their performance. (The audience literally holds up their phones with lights on. You can find a video of it on twitter here). Nocturna strip teases to primordial polka music, to *persuade* the spirits to favor them, and *persuading* the DM that she had more than one inspiration.

The Producer finds their group tactics curious. He asks them what about them makes them legendary. After they answer, he asks the judges in the audience if they think the queens have legendary potential. The judges cheer and reality ripples, blinding the queens with colors. They swirl through the multiverse.

Awakening in their forest camp, they wonder if it might have been a dream. But in the campfire ashes they find a golden turtle shell.

### Characters

#### Party (debut)

* Nocturna Lee Mission - eladrin sorcerer
* The Other Jeannie Retelle - centaur barbarian
* Utica Queen - human wizard

#### NPCs

* The Producer
* Alex the Kobold Sailor (debut)
* Rival Drag Queen Group

#### Live Show Roles

* DM Matt
* Spirits (Audience)

## Episode Notes

### Inspiration Earned

* Nocturna - Nailography (which she manages to use twice)
* Jeanie - Jeanie Drop
* Utica - Frog Legged Booty Pop

### Memorable Quotes

* "Ohhh, not disappointment." - Nocturna Lee Mission
* "It's mostly a placebo effect." - DM Matt
* "He's wearing a little sailor suit." - "Cute!" - DM Matt & the Queens&Audience in unison.
* "It's swirling around the room, lighting up the chandelier, we're getting some nice ambiance, we're getting some low lights, some highlights, some more highlights, finding a mirror, looking at that, finding some crystals flying around the room, getting it nice and Hogwarts like, getting some lightning flashing around the room... but then I start paying attention." - Utica Queen
* "It's a glove." - "It's a prostate exam." - "No, it's a glove." - "I got more. Procreation of cattle." - The Other Jeannie Retelle and Utica Queen
* "How are you so good at this?" - "I don't know. I gathered a lot of snapple facts as a kid." - Alex the Kobold and the Other Jeannie Retelle
* "I would love to start enticing this turtle with pizza, and eat some, and then offer some to the turtle as a way of making friendship and friends along the way." - The Other Jeannie Retelle
* "He has eaten your last pizza slice." - "It's like a bad college roommate." - DM Matt and Utica Queen
* "You just feel so old and out of touch with the youth. But then you're like "No, I'm not out of touch! It's the kids that are the problem." - DM Matt
* "Is she proficient with nun-chucks?" - "Oh that's such a good question!" - Audience Member and DM Matt
* "This is a full on lunge, with an up, pas de bourre, squish the grapefruit, kachow!" - Utica Queen
* "I would like to fly into a rage. My mother calls it one of my tizzies." - The Other Jeannie Retelle
* "I'm the master of things shooting out of your body. I'm looking at you, baldy." - Utica Queen
* "My shadow blade is long and strong. It starts out blunt and tapers into skinny so it hurts right away." - Nocturna Lee Mission
* "Primordial polka music?" - "It's one of the language I speak; it's on my sheet!" - DM Matt and Nocturna Lee Mission
* "Have you ever seen this frame with four hooves? It's pretty beautiful. Hourglass figure still." - The Other Jeannie Retelle
* "What makes me legendary is that I have been on a very long journey without strangling our gay ass wizard." - Nocturna Lee Mission
* "Big Old Baby, I think you need to make like a fetus and head out!" - Utica Queen

### References

* RuPaul's Drag Race (Workroom)
* Steven Universe (first puzzle room)
* Hogwarts - Harry Potter
* Jeopardy
* Who Wants to Be a Millionaire
* Simpsons - Principal Skinner's "The Kids are Wrong" meme
* Mean Girls - You Go Glen Coco
* Target
* Fantasia

### Name That Tune

* "Thank You For Being a Friend" - Golden Girls Theme
* "Ice Ice Baby" - Vanilla Ice
* "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" - Paul Dukas

## Behind the Queens

This episode was originally released as a bonus episode on January 15th, 2020. This episode, along with the next one, continue the trend of live panels at conventions featuring storylines featuring the Producer (although he is only named here).

**Enter the Wigsnatch** - Part One -- Part Two
**Day of the Lepus** - Part One -- Part Two
**Live Panels** -- RuPaul's DragCon 2018 -- **Minneapolis LIVE: Gaylaxicon 2019** -- PAX West 2019
**The Pernicious Poisoning of Peachblossom** Part One -- Part Two
**QoA x NeoScum**: Feet Pics for the Hellwasp - Part One -- Feet Pics for the Hellwasp - Part One -- Fingering the Bone Throne - Part One -- Fingering the Bone Throne - Part Two
**Hang Ten**: Part One -- Part Two
**Geekhaus Live**: Part One - Part Two
**Emerald Forest Adventure Con**: Part One - Part Two
**Children of the Cornball**: Part One - Part Two
**Seattle in Chicago**: Part One - Part Two