Who We Are

**Written By "EatSpanishMoss"**

“I must say Shan, this magical artifact you found me is absolutely… sensational..”
Headmaster Highmore sat behind his desk, his feet up on it, his face obscured by the darkness in the room. But, what he held glittered like prismatic gold.

Often, no one would dare enter his office without invitation beforehand, but Kenny didn’t care who or what Highmore was, so he entered whenever he pleased. After all, their contract would allow it, anyway.

“If you love it so much why don’t you marry it. You’re getting freaky again, Highmore, let's not make this a repeat of last time.” Kenny scrunched his face, leaning his head back with a narrowing of his eyes.

“Oh, what, did I do something uncouth at our last meeting?”

Kenny didn’t even respond, but the look he gave Highmore said more than a thousand words.

In response, the headmaster let out a little chuckle. One of his favorite hobbies was to push this nearly thousand year old demons buttons for entertainment, and last time was really quite entertaining. Though, unfortunately, this time he had other things to do besides focus on his hobbies.

“As much as I would like to continue poking and prodding you for my pleasure, I must be serious for the time being.” Highmore palmed the artifact, leaning just a bit too close for comfort on the other side of his desk, “I have to say, I am happy we came to this contractual alliance. You have to be one of the best business partners I've ever worked with.”

“What are you getting at?” The large goat man made a look like he would raise his eyebrows, if he had any to raise.

“Well, Shan.” Highmore gave a little shrug, perhaps in disbelief that he even needed to explain this.

“As per your end of our deal, I only need one more artifact, the one at the center of this island. You don’t have to keep pretending to be this thing that you’re not anymore. Go wild, really!” He laughed, “I know what you want, it’s the same as what all demons do, trust me I understand. Your actual self must bubble up in you sometimes, feed it, i'm giving you permission. All I want from you is that last artifact, in the meantime, I believe you’ve earned yourself a feast for your loyalty.”

Kenny stiffened his posture, his mouth slightly agape, and his brow furrowed. “Hah..” was all he could let out.

Highmore opened his arms out and crossed his legs on his desk. “As long as you don’t try and eat *me*, you have full reign over the entire campus. We’ve won, my friend!”

“That's a… surprising offer.”

“I don’t need them anymore, Shan. I’m going to get what I want, and so are you.”

Kenny was visibly shook at this idea, the gears in his head visibly turning. “...I think I'm going to have to respectfully decline that offer.”

“What?” Highmore's once casual and confident posture and voice seemed to fade into a more serious tone. “What do you mean decline? I’m offering you a chance to be who you are again.”

“This *is* who I am,” Kenny laughed as he spoke, shaking his head as if that was obvious. “I’m retired! I don’t do that anymore.”

“You can’t just retire from consumption! You’re a demon that's not how that works?” Highmore's voice was far less mad at his partner's refusal, but more confused, if anything.

The large demon leaned down to eye level with the headmaster, a small smile on his face, “as stated per our contract, I get you the silly little artifact, and you hold up what I want. See, simple.” Kenny’s eyes squeezed together as his smile evolved into a rather amused grin. “There's no need to try and trick me, or to assume I have a one track mind. I like a lot of things! But, I really am far too old to be manipulated by promises of consumption, silly goose.”

Kenny gave the headmaster a little pat on the head that he shook off almost immediately. “Now,” The large goat man added, leaning in very close to the headmaster, now whispering. “I have a date with your keurig. Have a wonderful rest of your afternoon, headmaster.”

15:45, Saga Academies Teachers Lounge

“Name a word that describes an ornamental container shaped like a goat's horn. It starts with a C, and there's an O four letters from the end. It’s ten letters.” Hugh, Sagas magic defense professor (among many other things) was busy wrapping up his day in the teacher's lounge with his very large friend. This was the time he would usually wind down with a crossword puzzle, and this time, he decided to involve the large goat in it as well.
On the other side of the room, Kenny was fiddling with the keurig, opening and closing the hatch almost mindlessly in his attempt to make a coffee. “Cornucopia?” he responded, scratching his head.

Hugh looked at the paper, and nodded his head lightly, writing down Kenny’s answer. “For someone who said they’re practically illiterate, you have an excellent vocabulary.”

“I am simply exquisitely prepared for crosswords, mostly of the puzzle variety.” Kenny’s tail wagged like a dog at the complement as he continued to open and close the coffee maker.

“Uh huh. Whatever you say, big guy.” Hugh shook his head, scribbling down a few other answers he knew off the top of his head. “Ken?”

“Yello?” He turned his attention away from opening and closing the coffee maker.

“I’ve been hearing something about you and the secretary?” Hughes ‘eyebrows’ raised, “are you and Beau dating now? I never took you as the type of.. well.. creature to like women?”

“WHAT”

Uh oh, Kenny thought. He needed to come up with a distraction, and fast.

“HUGH I’M STUCK AGAIN OWOWOWOW HELP, GET IT OFF!” He had quickly lifted the latch on the Keurig again, and ‘accidentally’ stuck his other hand underneath it, and then shut it as hard as possible, breaking his eighth keurig this month.

Hugh watched as the grown ass man in front of him managed to impale himself on a coffee maker, and let out a long sigh, deciding to drop the topic to go help.

He made his way over to the large monster he called his co-worker, and popped open the coffee maker for him to remove his hand from. The small spike that was used to impale coffee pods was now inside Kenny’s hand. How. Does one even do that?

“Oh man this sucks.. Ow.. jeez.” Kenny began the process of pulling out the little metal spike in his hand, but decided to stop.

“Ken. You gotta stop, put the coffee pod INSIDE the machine, close it, and then you *WAIT* FOR THE COFFEE.”

“Oh…” Kenny stared blankly into Huges eyes, obviously not retaining any of that information.

Hugh wanted to scream. He held his head in his hands in defeat. The distraction was successful.

Truthfully, there was only one thing more embarrassing to Kenny than someone like Hugh figuring out he was Shan-Uzal. That was someone like Hugh figuring out he had a girlfriend— even if they weren’t official in the slightest…who was even spreading that around?

“I think I should go see nurse big milkers. I mean jugs. The cow. Wait.” He could never remember her name, and as such, decided to rephrase that sentence. “I think I should see the nurse before this gets infected with coffee juice and I die.”

“That's not how—… you know what, sure, go ahead Ken.”

“Thanks Hugh!” Kenny straightened his posture and held his hand like it was brutally wounded. “I’m sorry about our crossword time, I’ll be sure to help you next time, I promise—” The large goat man then strutted himself over to the door, banging his head on the doorframe once before ducking down to get through. He shut the door behind him, and let out a sigh of relief.

Kenny made his way down the hallway, the exact opposite way to the nurse, and instead plucked the spike out of his hand by himself like it was nothing. As he made his way out to the courtyard, he observed the small piece of metal covered in his own black tar of blood. He blinked, and simply swallowed down the metal bit. He then held his injured hand to his lips to suck out the rest of the blood.

16:01, Saga Academies Courtyard

Kenny hadn't really processed that his meeting with Highmore was so long until he saw golden hour begin on the outside of the head building. The campus was beautiful and vibrant, almost as beautiful and vibrant as the people who inhabited it.

He picked a small purple flower from one of the bushes, and strolled over to the bench where the schools secretary would spend her late afternoons nuzzled in with a blanket and what she would deem a good book like a little old librarian.

“Oh my! Is this a pretty lady? I thought I knew all the pretty ladies on campus!” He gave a fake gasp, and handed Beau the flower he had picked.

She looked up from her book in shock, startled by the sudden interaction, but her face softened as soon as she saw it was the school's algebra teacher “Oh! Monsieur Kenneth! I wasn’t expecting you, non, non…”

“Can I maybe sit next to you, madam Beau?”

“Oh..” Her eyes widened, “Oui!” Beau adjusted her comically large reading glasses and gave a pat on the wood next to her. Kenny, of course, obliged and sat down next to the little lady.

“What are you reading today? Same as yesterday?”

“Oui, Monsieur”

“Uh huh I see what you’re getting at.”

The two sat there in silence for a little while, Beau buried deep in her story ever so slowly leaned against the far larger man next to her. Kenny, for his merritt, was actually tired, and began to doze off and slowly lose the fight of keeping his eyes open as the sun set.

“Monsieur?” Beau whispered, shaking Kennys humongous arm very gently till his eyes re-opened.

“Hum? Hum! Oh, i’m up, i’m up—” He yawned, rubbing his eyes. “Do you need something?” Kenny asked, looking down at the very short sheep woman, who in turn, was looking up at him with wide eyes.

“Could you… redo my bow?” Beau held her tiny hand out, holding a red ribbon that Kenny graciously took from it.

“Of course, anything for the lady” He yawned again, “I tie my bow tie every day, this shouldn’t be a problem.”

Kenny leaned down so he could get close to Beaus' hair, he brushed a small bit of it out of her face with his fingers, and began to tie.

Beau, for her merritt, knocked heads with the larger goat man so that their faces touched. “Monsieur, could you look up from the bow?” She adjusted her glasses, and despite her jittering, she reached out and touched his cheek.

“Hum?” The large goat man looked up from his tying, and was now nose to nose with Beau on the courtyard park bench. Neither of them dare move further.

“Hi”

“Hi”

Beaus eyes seemed to sparkle in the golden hour light, her cheeks underneath her light coat of wool were flushed red. “Monsieur… could you? maybe..” she couldn’t get the words to come out, but he got the jist of the idea.

“Anything for the lady,” he repeated softly. And the two kissed.