Chuck E. Cheese vs. Kool-Aid Man

## Description

*These two product mascots are ready to rumble. Who will win? The mouse who advertises his own restaurant, or the pitcher who advertises his own powder?*

## Interlude

Dimentio: Products are something that all of us have had to deal with in our lives, especially in modern times. Like a wind's breeze, they are natural, and inevetible.

**Jevil: However, a good way to make your product memorable is make commercials, with a mascot involved in it!**

Dimentio: Chuck E. Cheese, the mouse mascot of, well, Chuck E. Cheese.

**Jevil: And Kool-Aid Man, the pitcher mascot of Kool-Aid!**

Dimentio: I am the master of dimensions, Dimentio!

**Jevil: And I'm Jevil, creator of chaos, chaos!**

Dimentio: And it's our job to examine both warriors' strength, abilities, weapons, and weaknesses to see who would win in a fight.

## Chuck E. Cheese

Dimentio: Ah, pizza. An italian speciality, popular food, and TheGreatDimentio's favorite food.

**Jevil: Fun fact, readers! TheGreatDimentio has only gone to Chuck E. Cheese's once!**

Dimentio: Speaking of Chuck E. Cheese's, let's discuss the main mouse himself. Chuck was born to parents who abandoned him soon after he was born. He was sent to an orphanage.

**Jevil: After winning $50 in a Pong tournament, he used the money to buy himself a bus ticket to New York, where he started to, wait, live on the streets?!**

Dimentio: That's right. Chuck was out of a home. He started living in a failing pizzeria owned by a chef named Pasqually.

**Jevil: Pasqually eventually found him, and Chuck started singing, not knowing what to do. Little did Chuck or Pasqually know, this would kickstart Chuck's business as a star. Specifically, the star of Chuck E. Cheese's.**

* **Name: Chuck E. Cheese**
* Height: 7 feet (Animatronic form)
* Weight: Unknown
* Occupation: Restaurant owner, mascot
* Species: Mouse

Dimentio: Now, Chuck has had quite a few different pieces of media, but we'll be mainly focusing on the games made by Nintendo. Let's start with his weaponry. He is equipped with sports equipment, such as a Baseball Bat, Golf Club, Hockey Stick, and a Tennis Racket. There's also his Go-Kart, which he can use to run over foes.

**Jevil: And if things look bleak, he use a boost to speed his Go-Kart up! There's also his most iconic tool, his guitar, which he can use as a weapon. There's his most useful weapon, his spaceship. This is a ship shaped like Chuck's head, and it can blast lasers! Finally, he has a water gun, which is a gun that shoots, well, water.**

Dimentio: I expected it to shoot a stream of rainbows.

**Jevil: Really?**

Dimentio: No, you dummy. Anyways, Chuck has the abilities you'd think he would have from these weapons. Spaceflight, the ability to manipulate water, etc. He's pretty skilled with these weapons, too. Now, onto Chuck himself. Please, tell us Chuck E. Cheese's physical capabilities, Jevil.

**Jevil: Uh, he's able to play sports with ease, meaning he should be a good athlete. His strength is increased by his weapons, as well as his speed and durability. And, uh, that's basically his physical stats.**

Dimentio: As for his intelligence, he is pretty smart. He's skilled in being an athlete and driver, and can operate a spaceship by himself. He runs an entire restaurant business, and even possibly built a spaceship with fully working lasers! What else can this guy do?

**Jevil: For weaknesses, his sports equipment, is, well, sports equipment, so it could probably be broken easily. His Water Gun doesn't have infinite ammo, and his biggest flaw: he has little to no combat experience, outside of his spaceship, of course.**

Dimentio: Yeah, sorry for the short analysis, but Chuck doesn't really have enough abilities for a long, detailed analysis. Either way, don't mess with this mouse!

*"Chuck E. Cheese, where a kid can be a kid!"*

## Kool-Aid Man

**Jevil: Don't you like water, Dimentio?**

Dimentio: I, uh, kinda have to like water in order to live, Jevil.

**Jevil: Exactly! That's why Kool-Aid exists, to make you like water even more!**

Dimentio: Anyways, Kool-Aid Man doesn't really have a backstory, so, let's, just, uh...

* Name: Kool-Aid Man
* Height: Around 6 feet
* Weight: Around 6,000 pounds
* Occupation: Crime fighter
* Species: Living Glass Pitcher

**Jevil: Now, Kool-Aid Man has a LOT of abilities, so we'll try to keep it brief. His weapons are first. He has a helicopter, named the Cool Copter, a shuttle, jetpack that travels through space, a time machine, giant monster truck that summons waves of Kool-Aid behind it, lots of flavors of Kool-Aid, a snowboard that produces snow and ice, and pitchers of Kool-Aid that he can summon any time.**

Dimentio: Now for his powers. He can turn things into Kool-Aid, like a glass of it into a pouch, and three mountains into Kool-Aid twist! He can teleport, create tropical jungles out of nowhere, grow to the size of a skyscraper, shrink to the size of a boombox, create Kool-Aid from nothing, summon dancing skeletons, make rainbows, create portals, and fucking turn into a billboard!

**Jevil: Now, for stats. Kool-Aid Man can bust through walls, fences, fridges, and even the wall of a spaceship! He also pulled several children over while playing Tug-o-War! He lifted several Thirsties, and jumped into space with a singular bound!**

Dimentio: As for his speed, he can mix chemicals within several seconds, ran to his house from a supermarket in a few seconds, he can run through walls without losing his speed, and jump insane heights. For durability, Kool-Aid Man can survive outer space with no helmet, the constant ramming through walls, his insides being set on fire, re-entering the Earth's atmosphere, and a laser beam!

**Jevil: Now, how smart is he? He built his own headquarters, is gifted in chemistry, and once quickly found out the enemy he was fighting was a hologram! So, yeah, pretty smart.**

Dimentio: As for weaknesses, his limbs are very short, meaning he should rely on ranged attacks, he's not exactly that much of a fighter, an obvious giant fucking hole in his head, and he is pretty hot-headed.

**Jevil: Still, don't underestimate the Kool-Aid Man, or you might end up, "shattered."**

*"OOOHHH YEEEAAAAHHH!"*

## Fatal Fiction

*Petey Piranha spins a wheel.*

Dimentio: Looks like one of these character's legacies shall end in Kool-Aid Man's HQ. Shall we begin?

**Jevil: Hang on, let me get some pizza and Kool-Aid!**

*Kool-Aid Plaza, Earth*

It was a normal day in the Kool-Aid Plaza. Kool-Aid Man was cleaning the Cool Copter, ready to fly if somebody was captured by the Thirsties. "Kool-Aid Man, Kool-Aid Man!" Somebody yelled. It was a kid, who was running to Kool-Aid Man, huffing and puffing. "What is it, kid?" Kool-Aid Man asked, in a slightly annoyed manner. "Somebody's giving people pizza!" The kid said, as Kool-Aid Man's eyes started to widen in shock. "Where are they, kid?!" Kool-Aid Man said, his eyes now being burrowed in anger. "In the plaza!" The kid yelled, as Kool-Aid Man got in the Cool Copter. "Get in!" He yelled, as the kid obliged.

"Now, just tell me when you see the Thirsty giving out pizza, kid." Kool-Aid Man asked. "Over there!" The kid yelled, as Kool-Aid Man landed where the kid pointed too. The giant pitcher exited the helicopter, as he saw who was selling the pizza. "Wait, that's no Thirsty! That's a giant mouse!" Kool-Aid Man exclaimed, as he saw said giant mouse handing out pizza. This mouse wore a hat on backwards, a shirt with a "C" on it, sneakers, and gloves. His whole outfit had purple, green, and yellow.

This mouse was **Chuck E. Cheese**, who was testing the waters to see if this was a good place to set up a new Chuck E. Cheese's restaurant. "Hey, bub!" Kool-Aid Man yelled, as Chuck looked over at him. "Oh, hello, uh, thing. You wanna try some of my delicious pizza, I'm thinking of making a restaurant here!" Chuck said happily. "WHAT?!" Kool-Aid Man yelled in fury. "Listen here, buddy, I don't know if you're some sort of spy for the Thirsties, or what, but you are not welcome here. I don't think anybody even likes your pizza, but this is my turf. The only product from a mascot allowed here is my Kool-Aid, so, get out." Kool-Aid Man told Chuck, trying to make him leave.

"Well, Mr. Touchy, everybody here seems to like my pizza. I haven't even seen anybody drink your "Kool-Aid," so, maybe you should leave!" Chuck responded, as Kool-Aid Man thought of an idea. "I know. How about this, mouse, we fight. Loser has to leave Kool-Aid Plaza, and never advertise their product ever again." Kool-Aid Man said. "It's a deal." Chuck said. The two of them put up their fists, ready to fight.

**FIGHT!**

Chuck was the first to strike, punching Kool-Aid Man, before pulling his hand back in pain. "Ouch!" Chuck yelled, as Kool-Aid Man laughed. "What did you think was gonna happen, numbskull?" Kool-Aid Man said. "Fine, let's get deadlier!" Chuck said, as he pulled out a baseball bat. He smashed Kool-Aid Man's face, as he got knocked back. "OHHHH YEEAAHH, now this is my style!" Kool-Aid Man said, as he pulled a pitcher of cherry Kool-Aid out of nowhere. The two weapons clashed, as the pitcher shattered, and Kool-Aid Man stumbled back. Chuck smacked Kool-Aid Man a few times, before Kool-Aid Man threw a pitcher at Chuck, which knocked him off-balance. "Mmm, that actually tastes good!" Chuck said. Kool-Aid Man gave Chuck a thumbs up, before charging at him. Chuck quickly got in his Go-Kart, and drove behind a wall. "Alright, I need a plan." Chuck said.

Suddenly, the wall burst into pieces, as Kool-Aid Man turned to stare at Chuck. "OHHHH YEEAAHH!" Kool-Aid Man said, as he punched Chuck in his nose, knocking him back. Chuck pulled out his Water Gun, and sprayed Kool-Aid Man. Kool-Aid Man got out his snowboard, and starting making snow and ice appear out of nowhere, and did a 1080 in the air, hitting Chuck in the face, and knocking him to the ground. Chuck got up, and pulled out a hockey stick. He starting hitting balls of ice at Kool-Aid Man, which knocked him off of his board, and straight into the snow. "You wanna play it like that, huh?" Kool-Aid Man asked, as he got up, ran over to Chuck, picked Chuck up, and tossed him into a room, with a time machine in it. He set the time machine, and threw Chuck in it, as well as got in it himself.

The two mascots were sent to a town in the past, with people riding horses, and people gasping in shock, as the two mascots were still fighting. Chuck whacked Kool-Aid Man with the hockey stick, as he got in his Go-Kart, and drove away. "Oh, no you don't!" Kool-Aid Man said, as he got on his horse, and chased after Chuck. Kool-Aid Man quickly caught up, then he leapt onto Chuck and the Go-Kart. As Chuck tried to get Kool-Aid Man off of him, he didn't see what he was doing, and ended up turning around, sending Kool-Aid Man onto the ground. "Haha! Looks like you're-" Chuck was about to taunt Kool-Aid Man, but he ended up crashing his kart. Chuck starting running away, with the glass giant after him. Kool-Aid Man grabbed Chuck by the collar, and threw him into the time machine.

He set it again, and they traveled back to the present, with Kool-Aid Man throwing Chuck back out. "Let's change the scenery again!" Kool-Aid Man said, as he created a jungle. Kool-Aid Man looked around, before getting kicked in the back of the head. Kool-Aid Man turned around, and saw Chuck swinging on a vine. Kool-Aid Man threw a pitcher at Chuck, who picked it up, took a sip of it, and threw it back at Kool-Aid Man, hitting him in the arm. "OW!" Kool-Aid Man yelled out in pain, as he clutched his arm. Chuck took out his tennis racket, and landed on the ground. He grabbed a few coconuts, and served them at the mascot for Kool-Aid, confusing him. "Come and fight, coward!" Kool-Aid Man said, as Chuck fulfilled his request, swinging down, and equipping his guitar.

Kool-Aid Man summoned his pitcher yet again, as the two of them clashed weapons, with neither of their weapons shattering on impact. "You won't give up, huh?" Chuck asked, as Kool-Aid Man shook his head, before smashing the pitcher on Chuck's head, stunning him. Chuck roundhouse kicked Kool-Aid Man, before smashing him with his guitar. Kool-Aid Man kicked Chuck in the stomach, before he ran towards the Cool Copter, where the fight began. Chuck ran after him, before running in the opposite direction, once he spotted Kool-Aid Man, in the Cool Copter, chasing him down. The helicopter caught up with Chuck, and rammed into him, sending him into a billboard.

Kool-Aid Man leapt out of the Cool Copter, and he became the billboard, before sucking Chuck E. Cheese into the billboard, which was actually a portal to a water park. "Let's go!" Kool-Aid Man exclaimed, as he pushed Chuck down a water slide, sending him tumbling down the slide, and straight into a pool, filled with water. As Chuck was getting up, Kool-Aid Man slid down the slide, and his foot met the back of Chuck's head, as he was sent further into the pool. Kool-Aid Man turned all of the water into Kool-Aid, and lifted the Kool-Aid, with himself and Chuck in it, into three mountains. Chuck and Kool-Aid Man got up, and continued their scuffle. Chuck pulled out his Golf Club, and whacked Kool-Aid Man with it, causing a small crack in his body.

Kool-Aid Man's eyes narrowed even more, and he got really mad. Like, REALLY, REALLY mad. "You. You have really messed up now, rat." Kool-Aid Man said, as he grabbed Chuck by the neck, and threw him on the highest mountain. He snapped, and the mountains turned into Kool-Aid Twist pouches. Chuck slipped, and fell straight into Kool-Aid Man, who threw Chuck into another billboard portal, going back to the normal reality. Kool-Aid Man followed, and he summoned a monster truck, and got in it. He started driving towards Chuck, who got in his slightly damaged Go-Kart, and drove away. However, he got caught in a wave of Kool-Aid, and hit by the monster truck, sending him into a building. "That's it!" Chuck said, as he got in his spaceship, and shot at the monster truck, causing it to explode.

Kool-Aid Man was sent out of the monster truck's explosion, and hit the top of the spaceship, and got sent into space. Kool-Aid Man got sent into space, and quickly pulled out his jetpack. He started flying away, while the ship started firing lasers at Kool-Aid Man, who dodged them. Kool-Aid Man quickly flew behind Venus, and hid, as Chuck's ship was searching for him. Chuck fired lasers at a few planets, before a laser went through Venus, and almost hit Kool-Aid Man, who started flying away. "I got ya now, you pitcher! Prepare to feel my-" Chuck ranted, before he saw that Kool-Aid Man grew to the size of a skyscraper. "Wrath?" Chuck said, as Kool-Aid Man gave him the biggest smirk he had ever seen. "OHHHH YEEAAHH!" Kool-Aid Man yelled, as he punched Chuck's ship back. "It's fun, because it's like I'm punching you in the face!" Kool-Aid Man exclaimed.

Chuck started freaking out, and shot Kool-Aid Man, as much as he could, but it didn't work. The lasers simply bounced off of Kool-Aid Man, as he grinned, and grabbed the ship. He punched straight through the ship, and grabbed Chuck, before pulling him out, and throwing him on top of the spaceship. Kool-Aid Man picked the ship up, and threw it straight through Venus, causing the planet, and ship, to explode. Kool-Aid Man grabbed Chuck, and threw him back to Earth. As he was entering the Earth's atmosphere, Chuck started to catch on fire. "AHHHHHHH!" Chuck screamed in agony, and hit the Kool-Aid Plaza with an explosion, causing a crater to form around him, due to the impact. Chuck was still alive, but he looked up, and saw-

**SPLAT!**

-a normal sized Kool-Aid Man's legs heading straight towards his stomach, which split the mouse in half. "OHHH YEEAAHH!" Kool-Aid Man exclaimed. He grabbed a piece of pizza off of a nearby table, and ate it. "Mmm, that's actually pretty yummy." Kool-Aid Man said, as he looked at Chuck E. Cheese's two halves.

**FATALITY!**

## Results

**Jevil: You think they'll make a commercial out of that?**

Dimentio: Yeah, I think it was pretty clear who won. Kool-Aid Man had far better stats than Chuck. Although Chuck had the strength and speed of an athlete, Kool-Aid Man had far more feats than he did. Hell, him busting through constant walls means he had better strength than Chuck.

**Jevil: His speed was also far superior to Chuck's. Chuck had better speed with his Go-Kart, or, better speed than him without the Go-Kart. Kool-Aid Man's constantly high speeds means he could've blitzed and one-shot Chuck before he could even move! As for durability? Come on! He busts through walls on a normal basis!**

Dimentio: Intelligence was pretty even, with Chuck possibly even having better intelligence than Kool-Aid Man! There was also experience, which, although both of them don't have much combat experience, Kool-Aid Man has actually BEEN in fistfights, while Chuck has only fought in his spaceship.

**Jevil: As for arsenal? Kool-Aid Man easily had the better and bigger arsenal, but as for how Kool-Aid Man could counter Chuck's spaceship? Kool-Aid Man once burst through the wall of a spaceship, and has tanked lasers! So, how does Kool-Aid Man actually get Chuck? That's where the giant form came in. Or, alternatively, he could take the Ant-Man route, and just grow to a giant size inside the ship.**

Dimentio: Although Chuck was a bit smarter, he lost in literally any other stat that would matter.

**Jevil: Looks like Chuck was split worse than how his restaurant cuts their pizzas!**

Dimentio: Kool-Aid Man wins.

## Advantages and Disadvantages

Kool-Aid Man: Winner

* + Literally everything except...
* - Intelligence

Chuck E. Cheese: Loser

* + Intelligence
* - Literally everything else