Chapter 11: Valentines Day

NOZOMU NOZOMI

VALENTINES DAY

CHAPTER 11 OF THE MANGA

Tao Nozomi is doing what has become one of her favorite activities, done as often as possible. She is in Kanae's bedroom, in privacy, and trying on different girl's fashions and styles. She seems to be engaged in trying to find her personal female style of clothing and accessories that truly represents herself. She tends to go for kawaii (lit. super cute) fashions. Tao has found out that her sister, Kanae, has over time amassed quite a large collection of super cute girl's clothing styles that Mom had bought for her, but she has never bothered to wear them, because of being a tomboy. Kanae was always content to wear mostly boy clothes, or girl clothes styled very masculine. Today, Tao is staring at herself in the full-length mirror that is on the bedroom wall. She has on a pale blue shirt, collared, with a dark blue plaid pattern, a white rounded neckline vest, a red western tie, a pale pink business jacket, a dark blue pleated mini-skirt, and black above-the-knee stockings. She thinks to herself that **it is already February, and has been physically a girl for about nine months now.** Just about all of what Tao tries on has never been worn, as Kanae would not consent to even trying anything on that is even remotely cute or adorable. Therefore, the 'field is wide open' !

Tao is now on her hands and knees on the floor; her mini-skirt in back is pulled up, revealing that she is wearing her favorite pair of panties, white with pink horizontal stripes. On the floor, being examined in detail, is a white Lolita blouse with delicate ruffles in a bib pattern on the front, and a dark blue pleated short skirt. She thinks to herself that she continues to hold out a vain hope that some day she will turn back to being a boy. This makes her still very careful and secretive about dressing and presenting as a girl, although she goes out in public, outside of the neighborhood, quite often now. Even if she is around strangers, she is so very pleased to be seen and admired as a cute teenage girl. But her daily life is still complicated because of all the secrecy.

Surprisingly, Kanae, of all people, has recently taken a more active role in helping her present either secretly, or openly, as a girl. When Dad and Mom are both gone, which is frequent now because of Dad's work, and Mom's volunteer work, Tao finds that she can dress in the early morning, and be a girl all during the day and into the early evening. Kanae doesn't mind at all. (Tao tries on a feminine winter coat that will be good for cold weather.) She notes that, as has been the case for quite some time now, when she feels the urge to embrace and present as a girl, she does so without the fear and uneasiness that used to plague her so often. Her girl times have become routine now. Tao is now wearing a beige-yellow hoodie, a maroon circle style mini-skirt, along with the black over-the-knee socks. Admiring herself again, she tells herself that right now, she is cuter than Kanae will ever be !

Meanwhile, speaking of Kanae, she is walking outside after classes have concluded at school. She is dressed somewhat masculine from after school activities, with a pale red long t-shirt, a cream and blue boy's sports jacket, and black skinny jeans. Ide-san calls after her, a little distance away on the sidewalk. Ide-san is in her school uniform, a white blouse with a red bow tie on the front, a medium brown business jacket, a pale blue pleated mini-skirt, and black knee socks. Kanae is carrying a medium-sized paper shopping bag filled with wrapped chocolate treats. Ide-san greets her, and asks her if she is going to give away chocolate to everyone, as girls traditionally do on Valentines Day ? No way ! All this chocolate is gifts that were given to her mostly by the girls in her class, as many see her as a virtual boy. Seriously ? You must be popular ! Ide-san speculates that next year, Kanae will get three times as much chocolate, since she will be a year older. Kanae says that she doesn't know about that. Ide-san remarks that you're getting chocolate from other girls, isn't that.....a little.....romantic.....? Kanae observes that it is fine for everyone to do their own thing. However, if she gets too much chocolate, especially if it is lover's chocolate, Mom will get upset ! Then Kanae 'hits the nail on the head' when she acknowledges that she may have received so much chocolate from girls because she acts like a boy most of the time at school.

As they continue to walk together, Kanae asks Ide-san if she will give chocolate away today ? Ide-san remarks that it is kind of late in the day, so she is going to hand out chocolate to the boys on the baseball team, tomorrow during practice. Then the offer is made to Kanae to help pass out the chocolate. Kanae says that if she does that, then she should pay Ide-san for half of the chocolate. Ide-san declines, but Kanae is insistent. Therefore, it is agreed that Kanae will give Ide-san 1000 yen (~ $8.65 USD) for her part of the chocolate. Agreed !

Tao is still in Kanae's bedroom, but now sitting on a plush pillow on the floor. She is wearing a tan sailor top with maroon trim and white lace around the neckline, a maroon mini-skirt, and maroon and white striped over-the-knee socks. She has a white hairband in her hair, tied so that it looks like rabbit ears. She is musing to herself, that she wants to grow her hair out longer, but if it is perceived as too long by Dad, he will get angry. Yet she is pleased and satisfied with her life lately, even though she has begun dressing in Kanae's bedroom when Kanae is not home. A real no-no ! Tao is sitting across the room from the full-length mirror. She takes note that the way she is sitting, with her legs apart, she is showing her panties, yet again. At first, she admires her ecchi pose. However, that warm glow of pleasure that ignites in her heart, after a while, slowly dissipates. This because her mind kicks in, presenting her with a conundrum. The image in the mirror of a girl seemingly innocently showing her panties, what kind of desire is that fomenting ? Is it a boy's desire to catch a glimpse of a girl's panties 'out of the blue', without her knowing anything is different ? Or is it a girl's desire to be seen by a boy, as she likes the exhibitionism of the action of showing her panties as a secret thrill ? Tao thinks to herself for quite some time, trying to decide which trait is motivating her right now, but ends up declaring to herself that she really can't decide what is going on inside her mind regarding her pose in front of the mirror.

All pleasantness drains away as Tao's mind processes this conundrum, and other gender related concerns, over and over, again and again. Finally, she is jolted out of her intense thinking by Kanae's voice coming from the front door. Kanae is shouting that she is home, and that Ide-san is with her, too. Tao has only enough time to scoot herself out of the plush pillow and stand up, straightening her sailor top and brushing down her mini-skirt. Kanae opens the door to her bedroom, as Tao is spitting out the bogus excuse that she just started dressing a little while ago. Kanae counters with the fact that she knows that it wasn't "a few minutes ago", that's for sure !!! Tao puts her hands into a praying position, and asks where is Ide ? She is waiting inside the front door. Kanae gets 1000 yen from her bedroom, and standing just outside the door, yells down to Ide-san that Tao-san is not here at home, and is 1000 yen enough ? Ide-san says that is fine. Tao, meanwhile, is 'sweating bullets'. Kanae then shouts that Nozomi (Tao's female name) is here, and would Ide want to come and see her ?

The three girls retire to Kanae's bedroom, with Kanae and Nozomi sitting on the bed, and with Yuka (Ide's nickname) sitting on the plush pillow on the floor (Yuka is wearing a mini-skirt, but she sits properly, and does not show her panties). Yuka begins the 'girl talk' by asking Kanae if there really are not any boys that she wants to give lover's chocolate to on Valentines Day ? Kanae says that there are not, as all the boys she knows are idiots. Kanae asks back if there is someone that Yuka wants to give lover's chocolate to ? Yuka remarks that she can't say, "No." Kanae wants to know who they might be ? Someone on the team ? Nozomi perks up at this moment. Yuka says that it is a secret ! Nozomi thinks to herself, what is Kanae getting at ? Yuka comments that she is not certain about the relationship with this unrevealed person, so she will keep her romantic feelings quiet for now. Maybe show her love for this person slowly over a period of time. Nozomi continues the silent meditations, thinking that because her name was not mentioned just now, she should feel relieved, but instead she only feels regret. She sorta knows that she can't go back to being a guy, not even for Yuka's sake. That can't be helped, not at all. Nozomi wonders if she wasn't a girl right now, would she feel better emotionally about any kind of romance ? 'Cause right now her heart feels like it is being pressed with a flatiron. The girl talk continues, with Yuka asking Nozomi if there is someone that she likes romantically ? Kanae pipes up, asking Nozomi that didn't she say that she likes girls like Yuka ? "Hey, Kanae....", spits out Nozomi, not really giving an answer. Does Nozomi have someone in mind, asks Yuka ? Nozomi feels like her heart is going through a meat grinder.

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Later that evening, Tao is alone in their bedroom, laying on the bed. They are in male mode, wearing boy's pajamas. Tao tells themselves that they deserved the emotional 'kick in the head' that they got when Yuka was talking about having a hidden love, but would not say who that person might be. Tao has always liked Yuka, but always throught that they were not good enough for her. Hence, the keeping quiet about the attraction to her. But as a girl, now that Tao is changing over to femininity, would they still like Yuka with a girl-with-girl relationship ? Tao muses that they can't call themselves a 'guy' anymore, as their whole being, physically as well as personality, is more than half way changed over to female.

Kanae, opening the door to Tao's bedroom, and holding a chocolate heart in her mouth, asks if Tao wants any chocolate from her collection ? She sits down on the bed, and remarks that she is not giving them any official Valentines Day chocolate. However, they probably did not get any chocolate from anybody today, so Kanae will split her stash with Tao. Tao remarks for Kanae not to do that, she should eventually eat it all herself. Kanae states that it is okay, as Tao will not be getting any of her "Lover's Chocolate" anyway. *"LOVER'S CHOCOLATE ???"*, belts out Tao ! Yeah, someone gave me Lover's Cholocate today at school ! Who ? Shiori-chan ! She is really a cute, lovely girl. Regal and sophisticated, but kind and with a love-filled heart. She likes me, but I don't know if it is the girl part, or the boy part of me. If I were a boy, I would totally and absolutely fall in love with her in an instant !

Suddenly, Tao grabs Kanae's arm, and squeezes it hard. "***NO !!!***....no.....it's just..... I just think that you can't joke around like that.....saying that you want to be a boy !", declares Tao. "Why is that ?", asks Kanae, "Is something bothering you ?" Silent thoughts run through Tao's troubled mind. Thoughts such as there is no way to know of Fate, Destiny, or something else will grant Kanae's wish to be a boy. And I can't tell her now, of my own personal experience, that if your wish is granted, that you may end up regreting it, maybe for the rest of your life. Or you have to grit your teeth, and smile, and learn to live with and play with 'the cards that Fate has delt to you'. Tao gives Kanae a troubled and mildly fearful look, but only tells her that it was nothing, nothing at all !

(End Chapter 11)

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Click on Chapter 12: Swimming Pool Party to be taken to the next chapter.