Fight Club Serenity

Fight Club Serenity is the second episode of Club Serenity. The transcript is as follows:

Cleo: Last time on Club Serenity.... We met our sixteen contestants and explained the rules. Then we had a comedy contest and Dos won. In the end, it was blank-faced Maui that had to go home. Who will win and who will go on.... Club Serenity!

Omar: So what are you thinking about Kyle’s proposal?

King: I don’t know. I don’t know how getting out Dos will be a bright idea.

Omar: He does have a lot of allies... either way, we need him on our side.

King: Agreed.

(meanwhile...)

Kariss: Okay, Maui is gone. Now what?

Olga: Look at the group. There are alliances forming, and one person is being left out: Apollo. He’s reckless and wild, and has no friends. He has to go.

Dillon: Go, team!

Dos (Cabana): I’m not an idiot, and neither are the girls. We need Apollo on our side, so we can eliminate the girls’ ringleader: Dillon. You’re ne-ext....

Donna: Charlotte, I am soooo crushing on one of the boys here!!

Charlotte: Who?

Donna: I think Omar is super cute!

Charlotte: He is! I’ll try to get you two together!

Donna: Doesn’t he look like Ennis from Athlandia?

Charlotte: He does!

(In the middle of the night, Dos steals King’s Boy Scout sash, places it in Dillon’s duffel bag)

Cleo: Today, our challenge is to stay on these pillars on the beach! These pillars are 20 feet tall, and the water is about eight feet... Be careful! Haha! I’ll be throwing in some....surprises in during the challenge. Let’s do this!

(everyone is on a pillar)

Rosemary: Is this a game that regular people play?

Donna: (hyperventilating) I (breath) hate (breath) heiiiiiights.....

(Donna passes out and falls off of her pillar)

Charlotte: Donna! (dives into the water to save Donna)

Cleo: Thirteen remain. Who will win?

(20 minutes later, and half of the cast is sitting on their pillars instead of standing)

Cleo: Boring! Let’s send out our first surprise!

(Cleo releases a flock of seagulls that fly towards Rosemary’s pillar and start pooping)

Rosemary: Back! Back! Ewwwww! (gull poop blocks her view, causing her to lose balance and fall off of her pillar)

Kyle: Oof. That’s gonna be hard to clean out.

(At the sound of this, Rosemary screams and runs back toward the villa with superhuman speed)

Kyle (Cabana): AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! (crying laughing)

Dillon (Cabana): HEEHEEHEEHEEHEEEEE! (pounding leg)

Kariss (Cabana): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

(in real time, DiAngelo loses his footing and falls)

Cleo: Perfect!

(flashes to sundown, where it shows Xiomara and Stef are absent, Olga yawns and stretches)

Cleo: You guys are just too stubborn! (puts hand up to an intercom) Release the bears.

Kariss: BEARS?!

Kariss (Cabana): Ever since I was a little girl, I was terrified of bears. When I was little, my parents had this Russian bear named Orkov. He stole all of my parents’ attention. I was just second fiddle to that bear all my life. I can’t take it anymore, man! I ‘m gonna show them who’s boss!

(Kariss loses her balance and falls off of her pillar)

Kariss: CURSE YOU, BEAAAdblbdlbdbdlbll....

(A bear falls on Dos’s pillar, and Dos jumps off in fright)

Dillon: Bears? You’ve gotta be kidding.

(Another bear falls on King’s pillar, but he punches the bear off and it falls into the water)

Dos (Cabana): Sure, I’m out, but it gives me more time to frame Dillon while she’s away.

(Dos takes Xiomara’s books and puts them in Dillon’s bag)

(Morning comes around and only Dillon, King, and Kyle remain)

Cleo: (yawns) Geez, you must be soooo tired! Next one of you to go gets a warm shower...

(Kyle falls backward off of the pillar)

Kyle (Cabana): I can’t make myself look too much of a threat. There are some people that will jump on that. I have to sadly throw the next challenge. I just have to hope that King and Omar took me up on my offer.

Cleo: Dillon and King... who will- (Dillon falls off from exhaustion) Never mind! King wins! Who will be at the Slop Shack this week?

(King, Omar, and Kyle confer)

King: Apollo, Olga, and Dos. Sorry, guys.

Olga: I understand.

Apollo: You little-

King: You wanna go?

Apollo: ---- yeah, I wanna go!

Xiomara: Oh, dear.

(Cleo intervenes)

Cleo: Whoa, whoa. I will kick you both out.

King: I’m just trying to protect my friends.

Dos (Cabana): Apollo is digging a hole for himself. I might have to postpone the Dillon busting... but how?

Apollo (Cabana): That King is asking for trouble. I’m gonna give him a piece of my mind.

(Apollo tries to enter the villa, but Cleo stops him)

Cleo: You’re not allowed inside the villa until the week is over.

Apollo: AAAUUUUGH!

(Omar and King are alone in a room)

Omar: Guys, Apollo is a health hazard. He will go after you, King.

King: Yeah, but let’s give him the benefit of the-

Omar: No! I don’t want him to hurt you. I’ll spread the word.

(The four girls are in their room)

Monica: Hey, Dillon, do you have any more lipstick? I’m out.

Dillon: Already? Sure, go ahead. It’s in my bag.

Marisol: (opens bag) WHAT IS THIS? DILLON, I TRUSTED YOU!

Dillon: What?

(Marisol takes out Xiomara’s book and King’s sash)

Dillon: I swear, that wasn’t me.

Marisol: Then who do you suppose did it, then?

Dillon: I don’t know!

(cuts to elimination ceremony)

Cleo: Welcome to the elimination ceremony! One of you will be the second person voted out of Club Serenity. The votes have been cast, and I will now read them aloud. The first vote is for..... Apollo. The second vote is for... Apollo. The next vote, Dillon. The next vote, Dillon. That’s two votes Apollo, two votes Dillon. Next vote is for... Apollo, and then Apollo. Four Apollo, two Dillon. The next two votes... Dillon and Dillon. Next vote.... Apollo. Five votes for Apollo, four votes for Dillon. Apollo, Dillon, Apollo, Dillon. That’s seven votes Apollo, six votes Dillon. And this vote decides it all. The second person voted out of Club Serenity is......

Apollo. Sorry, but you have been eliminated from Club Serenity. Please pack your bags.

Apollo: WHAT?!?! All of you are ----s, total ----s! I’ll get you all for this!

Kyle: Sayonara.

Stef: Sucks to suck.

(Apollo is forced to leave)

Cleo: Apollo is gone! Who is next to leave on..... Club Serenity!

(Xiomara goes to the bathroom and takes off her glasses and contact lenses.)

Xiomara: It’s working. They don’t suspect a thing.