Demigod Delimas

⚠️ WARNING ⚠️*This article may contain spoilers.*
Demigod Delimas is a Percy Jackson fanfic script written by ~HyperPixieGurl~ (me). You can read it here, but I would love it if you would leave a comment or vote here! :3

photo credits to ༓ cazimi ༓ on pinterest

## overview

all humor lol

~

bad grammer

~

Since Jason's dead he won't be in this, neither will shel since I don't really know her

~

⚠️WARNINGS⚠️

\*possible spoilers

\*beware of mr.d's fashion choices

## solangelo's child

everyone: \*in the arena fencing\*

will: \*bandaging leo's head\* I swear if one more person gets brained I will brain you all

percy: \*winces\* I'm sure it was an accident

frank: yeah I totally didn't mean to brain leo!

**how leo got brained**

Frank: \*insulted bat man\*

long story short:

leo: \*started insulting guinea pigs\*

**and that's pretty much all you need to know**

leo: yeah sure, no one believes you, franky.

annabeth: it doesn't matter. will, we promise to be more careful

hazel: uh I don't think anyone said that

piper: I don't think I was an accident, and no one said they promised to be more careful

leo: \*crosses fingers behind back\* I promise!

will: why thank you-

percy: uh, will-?

hazel: leo, your back is facing everyone

leo: Oh! uh, oops!

will: \*glares\*

nico: \*dashes into arena\* GUYS, GUESS WHAT I FOUND!

will: oh gods is that-

annabeth: oh no-

percy: huh?

hazel: wut

piper: cuuuutee!

leo: OMG!!!

nico: will, I have found our child!

will: nico, NO. we are NOT raising a cat.

nico: will, plleeeeeaaaaseee??

cat:🥺🥺🥺

will: OH MY GODS IT'S SO CUTE!!!

nico: see! can we keep it?

will: of course we can \*starts petting cat\*

cat: \*purrs\*

annabeth: well that...happened.

hazel: it's pretty cute

frank: what are you naming it?

leo: I have it- Leo junior

percy: no-Percy Junior

Leo: leo junior

percy: percy junior

leo: leo junior

percy: percy junior

leo: leo junior

percy: percy-

piper: knock it off you two

will: I know! we name it...Jeff

nico: uh noo. ooh, how about steve?

will: \*tears of joy\* that's perfect!

nico: everyone say hello to our child, STEVE!

frank: a bit of a letdown

leo: whatever, just don't kiss in front of you kid, it'll gross steve out

nico and will: \*cover steve's eyes\*

percy: percy junior was better

annabeth: \*elbows percy\*

percy: ow!

hazel: \*forced thumbs up\*

leo: whatever he'll always be leo junior to me

piper: OMG CAN I GIVE STEVE A MAKEOVER??

nico: uhh-

piper: YES THANK YOU SO MUCH!! \*picks up steve and runs off\*

everyone: ...

leo: so...what just happened there?

annabeth: we should follow her

frank: yeah before she turns your kid into a pink furball

everyone: \*runs after piper\*

percy: it's too late-

nico: OUR CHILD!!

will: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!

hazel: he's still cute

annabeth: oh. my. gods.

frank: \*looks away\*

leo: that's-wow.

piper: \*squeals\* isn't he ADORABLE??

everyone: \*winces\*

nico: why did I think we wanted this as a child

will: I have no idea

steve: 🦄✨💖🐱✨

piper: oh how can you not like him? He's SO CUTE!!!

nico and will: you...you can keep him piper

## supermodels suck

percy: \*comes into room, panting\* guys we have a code red alert, I repeat, code red alert

annabeth: \*pales\* oh no-

nico: um what's code red?

hazel: what is it?

piper: kronos?

frank: titans?

will: giants? cyclopses?

leo: all of you are wrong! we're out of tacos!

everyone: \*gasps\*

piper: NOOOOOOOOO

percy: ? no! mr. d-big house-\*faints from terror\*

everyone: \*runs to the big house with their weapons drawn\*

hazel: what's going on??!!

frank: we've got this! \*turns into bear\*

\*nothing happens\*

leo: uhm...........

apollo: hi guys!

will: dad? what are you doing here?

apollo: just helping mr.d with a project.

chiron: \*comes running into room\* what's the matter?

annabeth: pecy said there was an emergency, something about mr.d, and the big house?

apollo: oh dear, not again-

mr.d: \*comes into room\*

piper: GAH! MY EYES-

apollo: \*tearyeyed\* so perfect!

chiron: what? \*looks over at mr.d\* OH MY GODS

leo: WHAT THE-

will: HELP I AM FOREVER SCARED-

nico: mr.d how-why- \*passes out\*

apollo: \*confused\* whatever is the matter?

piper: mr.d's outfit is the matter! what is happening!?

annabeth: \*starts praying\* what did we do to deserve this??

percy: \*wakes up\* hey guys whats up-\*sees mr.d\* \*passes out again\*

frank: \*frozen in terror\*

mr.d's outfit: https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Costume-Mexican-Wrestler-Luchador/dp/B092W6CFS2/ref=asc\_df\_B092W6CFS2?tag=ushpadpinde-20&hvdev=c&hvpone=626746605953&hvptwo=2680072496575&hvqmt=4260607971577&hvadid=4672928969726&pp=0&th=1&psc=1

apollo: so what you guys think of dionysus's outfit?

nico: it's *horrible*

apollo: hmm you're right not quiet the right vibe

frank: and what vibe are you going for-tartarus torture??

apollo: what? no! mr.d decided he was going to be a supermodel!

hazel: oh.my.gods

piper: that's terrifying

percy: \*wakes back up\* SUPERMODELS SUCK! \*passes back out\*

everyone: \*flees, screaming\*

chiron:  \*runs after everyone else\*

mr.d and apollo: ?????

## tacos however do not suck

everyone: \*panting\*

annabeth: oh my gods that was the most terrifying thing I've ever seen

will: I'm forever scarred

percy: \*still screaming\*

frank: I'm calling 911, right now \*dials\*

hazel: why?

piper: BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE FROM TRUAMA

nico: WHAT SHE SAID

will: IT'S TOO LATE!!!!!!! WE'RE ALL DYING!

leo: don't worry guys! I'll make some tacos to help you recover! \*pulls grill out of his belt\*

percy: ok!

frank: oop-too late-

nico: oh no-

fire department: \*comes crashing through door\*

fire dude 1: WHERE'S THE FIRE??

fire dude 2: don't see anything bro

fire dude 3: u sure? the call seemed pretty urgent

fire dude 2: yeah, who made the call? are we in the wrong place?

frank: um I called you

fire dude 1: why bro there's nothing here

frank: um-

percy: FRANK DON'T WE DON'T NEED TO SCAR MORE PEOPLE

leo: HEY FIRE DUDES-how do tacos sound

fire dudes: YUMM

fire dude 3: we can defineatly stick around

fire dude 2: yeah, just for you know-um buisness reasons!

fire dude 1: bro that makes no sense, what do tacos have to do with fires?

fire dude 2 and fire dude 1: \*get into whispered argument\*

leo: tacos are ready! \*starts throwing tacos at people\*

percy: all right!

annabeth: I'm taxing you guys-everyone has to give me one taco

piper: mine are tofu so they don't count as part of the tax

annabeth: dammit!

percy: \*hides tacos\* YOU CAN'T HAVE MY PRECIOUSSSSSS

frank: \*steals tacos from the fire dudes\*

fire dude 1: bro that's so not cool

frank: \*already ate the taco \* \*innocent face\* hmm?

hazel: \*grabs nicos tacos\*

nico: \*shadow travels away so no one can eat his tacos\*

will: \*grabs onto nico and shadow travels away with him\*

fire dude 3: MUST HAVE MORE TACOS

nico and will outside

nico: ok I've got a plan \*whispers plan\*

will: let's do it!

## ...they merely cause wars

**back inside**

percy: \*trying to steal everybody's tacos

annabeth: \*taxing everyone's tacos\*

leo: \*making more tacos\*

frank: \*talking with the fire dudes to distract them while hazel steals their tacos\*

piper: \*standing right behind leo so she can steal the tacos as soon as they're done\*

will and nico: \*shadow travel back in wearing disguises\*

nico: I am nyx! everyone hand over your tacos or else!

will: you dudes I'm hypnos and if you don't give us your tacos we'll kill you all

nico: \*pulls will aside\* \*whispers\* what the heck? you're not keeping with your character!

will: what that's what hypnos sounds like!

nico: \*eyeroll\* whatever

will-hypnos: \*in what he thinks is a spooky voice\* GIVE ME ALL YOUR TACOS!!!!

percy: \*squints\* hmm, I don't remember hypnos having blond hair

will-hypnos: um yeah! cause I dyed it!

percy: hmmmm...

hazel: nico, everyone knows that's you

nico-nyx: WHAT-HOW-I mean, yes! I chose to appear to you as nico to try and convince you to give me all your tacos!

annabeth: and why do you want our *tacos?*

nico-nyx: dang she's good! erm for WORLD DOMINATION, obvi

will: \*whispers to nico\* ha! who's not keeping with their character now!>

piper: \*eating tacos still\*

nico: whatever-JUST GIVE US ALL THE TACOS ALREADY!

percy: NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

annabeth: NO ONE CAN HAVE OUR PRECIOUSSSSSSSSESSSSSSSS!!!!

nico: what's with all the s's?

will: seriously, nico?? you've never seen lord of the rings???

nico: that sounds like one of those cheesy rom coms persephone likes

will: Oh.my.gods.nico!

annabeth: HA! you called him nico!! which means I was right!

everyone else: \*gasps\* WHAAT??

frank: so they're not nyx and hypnos!

leo: I KNEW IT! the lord of the rings argument gave it all away!

nico: noooooooo-!

will: our evil plan!

piper: \*still shoveling tacos in, unknown to everyone else\*

hazel: geez nico, even I know what lord of the rings is

nico: hey!

piper: \*eating the last taco\*

frank: PIPER!!

piper: \*freezes\* what?

everyone: \*gasps\*

leo: YOU WERE EATING ALL THE TACOS THIS WHOLE TIME??!!

percy: BETRAYAL-

annabeth: YOU ATE ALL THE PRECIOUSSSSSSESSSSSS

piper: urm did I miss something?

everyone: \*jumps on top of piper and start a fistfight over who gets the last taco\*

piper: hehe it was a fake taco \*pops last taco into her mouth\*

## you know that one time the gods had a therapist

**how the styx did the gods get a therapist? well, it was the only good idea Hera ever had. and it backfired. the therapist actually almost lasted an entire day. that lady's resilence is impressive. anyways, here's how it happened....**

the gods: \*meeting on mount olympus\*

dionysus: \*drinking diet coke\*

hermes: \*trying to get george and martha to stop fighting\*

apollo and artemis: \*arguring\*

athena: \*falling asleep\*

hephestasus: \*at least trying not to fall asleep\*

aphrodite: \*chattering athena's ear off\*

ares: DIE DIE DIE

zeus and posiden: \*arguring\*

hestia: \*paying nobody any attention\*

hades: \*lurking in the corner\*

hera: attention everyone!

everyone: \*pays no attention\*

hera: can I get everyone's attention please??

zeus and posiden: \*start blowing up random stuff in their fight\*

hera: EVERYONE SHUT UP

everyone: \*shuts up\*

hera: thank you. I have an idea! actually-I have made a decision!

everyone: \*shudders\*

apollo: ARTEMIS SAVE MEE

artemis: apollo sit down

apollo: NOOO I MUST ESCAPE BEFORE HERA GETS AN IDEA!

dionysus: \*clears throat\* um she already has the idea

athena: and she's staring daggers at you

apollo: \*freezes\* \*sits down\*

hera: ahem. as I was saying I have made a decision! we shall get a therapist!

athena:  \*busts out laughing hysterically\*

hera: \*glares\*

athena: I'm sorry that's just so- \*still laughing hysterically\*

hestia: a wise choice, hera

hades: oh styx

dionysus: \*eating popcorn\* this will be interesting

apollo: \*whimpering\*

hera: In fact, we already have a therapist! her name is gracie, and she'll be starting today!

everyone: \*gasps\*

apollo: \*pushes button and random klaxon starts blarring\*

ares: TIME TO EVACUATE! LET'S GO KILL SOME THINGS!!!

athena: \*eyeroll\*

gracie: \*poofs from nowhere\* HELLO EVERYONE!

hephestaus: \*can't hear anything because of the klaxon and apollo screaming\* WHAT'D YOU SAY??

apollo: \*still running around screaming\*

gracie: HELLO!!! I'M GRACIE, YOUR NEW THERAPIST! I'LL BE STARTING TODAY! CAN WE PLEASE TURN OFF THAT KLAXON??

apollo: NO WE CAN'T!!! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!!!! WE MUST ALL RUN FOR OUR LIVES!!!!!!!!!!

zeus and posiden: \*not noticing anything that's going on, trying to kill each other in their fight about who has a better chariot\*

ares: \*running around blasting random people with lightning\* DIE DIE DIE!!!

athena: I have a headache

aphrodite: WHAT'D YOU SAY, DEAR??

hades: \*puts on headphones\*

dionysus: \*eating popcorn and laughing\*

george and martha: \*fighting about rats and chasing each other around the cadacus\*

hermes: \*trying to get them both to shut up\*

artemis: I'm late for a meeting with my hunters. byeeee \*pops out of existence\*

apollo: NO DON'T LEAVE ME SISTER!!!! PLEASE SAVE MEE-

hera: EVERYONE. SHUT. UP!

everyone: \*freezes\*

hera: we shall all listen to what the therapist has to say before doing anything else

gracie: hi. \*regretting her job\*

## the therapist goes 💀

hermes: we are gathered here today, in loving memory of our family therapist-

apollo: I wouldn't say loving-

athena: more like hateful-

hera: no! it's loving--

hermes: guys I spent ten hours writing this speech, and you just *have* to judge it. don't expect me to rewrite it, george and martha went crazy, going ten hours without food. I swear, if you think-

**yada yada. hermes goes on for a few hours about how annoying george and martha are. but let's  give you a little backstory before we go to the therapist's funeral.**

**rewind the tape please!**

**\*tape rewinding noises🎥\***

gracie: hi \*regretting her job\*

zeus: A MORTAL??!!

gracie: uh, an immortal??!!

hera: be quiet zeus, I made her immortal earlier-

gracie: WHAT THE ◼◼◼◼

hera: so, gracie, mortals keep telling us they're better at being healthy than us, soo...can you help us with some...family therapy?

gracie: uh, you're gods right?

everyone: yeah-

gracie: aren't you guys like, super messed up? and crazy? and like cheat on each other with literally everyone?

hera: \*explodes\*

apollo: \*starts running around screaming again\*

zeus: well I wouldn't say we-

gracie: and like, you kill mortals, if they're like prettier than you and stuff-

aphrodite: HOW DARE YOU EVEN IMPLY THAT-

gacie: and like have tons of kids that you don't really care about, and they all have to fight your battles, and get your stuff when you lose it-

posiedon: well-

gracie: and like are super whiny, and rude, and just immortal brats-

everyone: \*looks at each other\*

ares: oh that's it, you're going *down!*

gracie: uh- \*gets attacked by gods and thrown off mount olympus\*

**sooo that's how gracie died. rest in much more peace than you had while being the gods' therapist.**