Lawrence Daley VS Paul Blart

**Lawrence Daley VS Paul Blart** is the 1st episode of Ultra Mega Diss Tracks Alpha and the 9th battle overall! It features Lawrence Daley from *Night at the Museum* and Paul Blart from *Paul Blart: Mall Cop* in a battle of guards who watch places at night in comedy movies for kids!

**Battle Length**: 1:30

## Dissers

Bob-Crust as both Lawrence Daley, Paul Blart and Terry the FBI Agent!

## Lyrics

[*Lawrence is in Brown, Easter Island Head is in Gray, Paul Blart is in White and Terry the FBI Agent is in Cyan]*

### **Lawrence Daley - Verse 1:**

I’m a Security Night Guard at a super museum!

And if you can find a cooler place, let me see em’!

Look at me man, hanging out with Teddy R.!

You always act so drunk, like your always in a bar!

You face is more messed up than Laaa’s!

You’re a fatty fat \*Fart Noise\*, ha ha ha!

My film’s hilarious, and forever in everyone’s memory!

You’re films are just fart jokes and some goddamn-ory!

Your weight makes everyone go hee!

While I’m a star, everyone look at me!

You’re so smelly, you smell like feet!

And I’m gonna kick ya’ so bad, you’ll be beat!

### **Paul Blart - Verse 1:**

I'm Paul Blart: Mall Cop!

I’m afraid I’m gonna need you to stop!

Because I’m on a mission,

As your ugly face belongs in a prison!

I’m Paul Blart, and no I don’t smell like a fart!

On my segway I can go as fast as a freaking dart!

You don’t mess with me, you look like the Simpson, Bart!

And you suck at your job more than I do at mine! Ya’ tard!

I’m a cop, I take my job very serious!

You don’t know how glass works, ya’ delirious?

I’ll kick you in the kneecaps, for real!

And don’t even try, my balls are a hard as steel!

Okay fine, I’ll cut you a deal!

Get the heck out, and I’ll spare you, ya’ seal!

### **Lawrence Daley - Verse 2:**

Stop making fake threats, they don’t scare me!

But, a 32% rating, now that’s frightening!

Don’t even try, Cause’ you’re a Dummy Dum Dum!

And the chances of you winning, I’ll tell you the sum!

### **Paul Blart - Verse 2:**

Oh Bloowey, I feel soooo freaking offended!

I hit your groin so hard, it’ll be bended!

I can win this battle without a care!

And I don’t suck nearly as much as that hair!

### **Lawrence Daley - Verse 3:**

Sorry couldn’t hear you over that terrible ‘stace!

No seriously get that fixed, might as well be a gash!

### **Paul Blart - Verse 3:**

Oh shut it Larry, I’ll squish you like a berry!

And you just suck so much, you should be named Terry!

### **Terry the FBI Agent - Verse:**

Actually, I think Terry is a great name!

You’re so fat it’s disgusting, you ain’t no great dane!

That smell of yours is just so reaking reaking!

And your search history is just so freaking creeping!

If you wonder how I knew that, I’m an FBI agent!

And Larry your movie is just so ancient!

I forgot it even existed until I just saw you!

And it’s so low-brow, I would rather watch Cailou!

I’m the guard, who watches you guards!

I’m like the Ace in a deck of cards!

And don’t forget that I watch your every move!

Every creepy thing and every strange groove!

Blart, you’re chunky and I don’t mean thicc!

Daley, you watch just creepy things like “Lick Lick Lick”

It’s more disgusting than the nuts you're busting!

And even more than Paul’s toes, they’re crusting!