Lt. Col. Problem

## Lt. Col. Problem (G-Swizzle)

> "Get Swizzled!"
>
>

> ~ G-Swizzle's catchphrase
>
>

**Lt. Col. Problem** (originally **Major Problem**, also known as **G-Swizzle**) is a relatively well-known Generation 1 Tagger with sparse but consistent on-site activity. Despite having the lowest number of points of any Gen 1 tagger considered major, Lt. Col. Problem was a nonetheless appreciated member of the TF2Tags community, with a personality similar to a more moderate Sensible Haircut.

## History

Major Problem started his tagging career in July 2014, and would make several tags between then and the 16th. His name quickly became a source of tags due to its pun potential. Some, like Legownz and Ulysses, would make comments poking fun with the name, saying that he had a "problem, a major problem." Problem would continue to tag into August, though he never posted daily. He became more active in later August 2014 before not appearing again until September 9th, where his activity would pick up again. He made a tag using the Brain Bucket, and while it was not a Bucket Joke it nonetheless drew the ire of Ulysses, whose hatred of the object was infamous. Problem told Ulysses: "Get more angry, it feeds my soul."

Major Problem would continue to tag into October. On the 23rd he would make fun of Anonymous users, comparing them to F2P Gibus players while logged-in users were compared to P2P Master Race players. Problem tagged for the first few days of November, and then posted some other tags on the 12th, and would not return until the beginning of December. On the 9th, after the (at that point) infamous debut of A Fucking Idiot, Problem joined others in making tags parodying AFI's style. He called himself a bad person for doing so. He would continue to tag up until Christmas. He would make his next tag on January 9th. This would be his only tag in January of 2015. His activity picked up some more in February, but after making a tag on the 27th, he would not return until a month later on March 26th. He would acknowledge his own inactivity, and told everyone in a comment: "And now to disappear for another month. Or until valve screws up another update. or when I think of something clever. Whichever comes first."

Despite that, he would make another tag the following day. He would tag again on April 6th, where he would take part in an experiment suggested by Blast to repost first submissions to see how they would fare in the current tagging climate. Problem would not repost his actual first tag (as he claimed it was shit), but would post his earliest surviving tag instead. It did just about as well as the original tag did. After making some more tags, Problem proclaimed to finally have gotten out of his tagger's block. He continued his regularly inconsistent tagging activity into May.

When the Racist Anon Incident accosted TF2Tags, Problem largely did not take part in the drama, instead going along with a contemporary trend of the "Roses are red" poem. Since Problem was only active on the 1st, 10th, 22nd, and 23rd of May, he pretty much had no part in the Racist Anon Incident.

At some point between February 25th and June 15th, Problem adopted an alternate name of G-Swizzle. Major Problem was no stranger to changing his name at that point (he had done so a few times in the past), but G-Swizzle quickly stuck as a nickname for him. This was most likely due to him using the catchphrase "Get swizzled" often while using this alias. On June 15th, Swizzle hosted a contest to give away some extra Refined Metal he had, with the theme of early TF2 experiences. The announcement of this contest was the first time Swizzle used his representative item, a Thirst Blood painted Zepheniah's Greed. Many taggers entered this contest, including Relk, Yahiamice, Blast, and Legownz. Swizzle closed the contest on June 19th, and promised to announce the winner later that week. However everyone "Got Swizzled" so to speak, as after he announced the judging for the contest he would not return until July 15th, when he announced the winner to be PyschKlown for clever usage of rhyming. He awarded the clown 5 refined metal. Problem made 3 more tags in July.

Come August, Problem made a few tags early into the month and went on another multi-week vacation. During this vacation, the Mobile-Friendly Update was released onto the site, and Ulysses reached out to Problem asking for his thoughts on the removal of misses. Problem was one of many taggers asked, and like everyone else he agreed with Sensible Haircut's assertions that the removal was idiotic, siding with the growing Bring Back Misses movement. He returned to the site of the 21st, when AFI was banned from the site after being reported by CP. When Legownz criticized everyone for missbombing CP over his dumb mistake, Problem defended himself by stating he donated all his misses to AFI. He later wished Relk a happy birthday, and gifted him an Aqua Marine Rocket Launcher with a stat clock. A few days after the drama subsided, he made a tag joking about CP's name and how the initials stand for something more... illegal.

Problem posted some more in August and then September. His activity would drop off come October, however, and after making some tags on the 7th he wouldn't reappear until the 29th, with a single tag of Soldier's Requiem titled "Major Problem's Tag Ideas", signifying that Tagger's Block had taken hold once again. He would return to the site on November 9th with another tag referencing himself stating that "You may not see him, but he still visits." From here, he would start tagging again. He would make a tag referencing CP again, this time relating to his time travelling antics that allegedly caused the Taggenings to occur. When asked by Blast where he had been, Problem clarified that he visits the site often, but doesn't post much due to lack of ideas and time.

On November 11th, in an installment of Expand's TF2Tags Nightly News Network, he joking said that Major Problem was being considered for promotion into Lieutenant Colonel after "recent victories". Whatever military Expand was speaking of decided to go through with the promotion, advancing Problem from Major to Lieutenant Colonel. Thus, from this point on he became known as Lt. Col. Problem (or G-Swizzle, if people still preferred that). Though he was grateful for the promotion, he lamented the loss of his original name's clever pun. After a relatively active December (including what may have been the birth of the Perverted Conagher's Combover meme), Problem would not post in the new year until January 11th, where he posted a Voodoo-Cursed Scout Soul stating that he was "back from the dead." This was directly after the Great Comment Crash, and taggers informed him that comments now counted towards the daily submission limits, which he tested and confirmed for himself. Despite claiming to be back, he would not post again until February 11th. On that tag, he commented that it was the only idea he had since December, and that he only thought of it five minutes beforehand.

A few days later, following the sudden growth of the Wahfia, Problem chose not to join the faction. When he angered the Cult of Rosalina, who desired his head, he instead formed his own allied faction known as the Church of Wario. Problem is the only known member of this faction, which is not to be confused with the Wahfia classification of "Wario", which simply means a non-member friend.

Problem was not present during the Attack of the Clones, nor did he comment on it after the fact. He was, however, present for the Edge Incident involving Meta Breakers. In Ulysses's "Calm down Meta" tag, Problem's chat with Ulysses was posted in a comment. His opinion on Meta, verbatim, was "All these flavors, and he chose to be salty." Later in his own tag, he called Meta a sapper because "he's sucking away my hope for him to be a decent tagger." He then essentially said "good riddance" when Meta decided to Leave And Never Come Back. He got into an argument with Reboot over a self-deprecating comment Problem made, comparing himself to Donald Trump who "profits off of controversy, but means well". Reboot insulted Problem, calling him and Trump comparable because they're both "arrogant trash-talkers who makes me want to vomit." Problem replied to this comment and the two argued for a little longer before leaving on negative terms. They settled things peacefully the following day.

The next day, Problem hosted a semi-contest to help him craft an NTF2Tags version of himself. His reason for doing so was "I have no idea what an opposite of me would do, since I don't know my site personality. So, I'm requesting assistance from the taggers, who would notice it better." He offered a couple of decorated weapons to whoever could help him out. After receiving a crap ton of suggestions from Ashton Doovis and Acquiesce, he settled on a demoted Staff Sergeant turned Sergeant who hates America, loves communism, and is always active. Though Ashton and Acquiesce worked collaboratively, Problem awarded the weapons to Acquiesce.

Following this, Problem tagged once a day for about a week before once again disappearing. He returned on May 2nd, then disappeared again until the 23rd. After tagging for a bit through the 30th, he again left. He returned on the 27th. His next tag following this was on July 4th, in a memorial for Sensible Haircut's banning the previous September. He continued this trend of staying a few days before returning to the shadow realm again until September 4th. His next tag was on the 15th, when he pointed out that the site's Kurt Cobain Rule had finally expired, as Cobain had, at that point, died exactly 22.3 years before, meaning it would be legal to make Kurt Cobain's Microphone tags again as they were now funny. Dr. Dos himself clarified that they were still banned due to ten people at one point making the same joke at once. He also stated he should get rid of Ullapool Cabers named "Allah Akbar". He cited that searching "Kurt" on the site brings up 14 pages of tags, most of which are Kurt Cobain's Microphone.

After this Kurt Cobain tag, Problem's next appearance was on December 6th. He became somewhat active again in December, posting some tags here and there and having some discussions on various topics. Vulture Prime critbombed Problem, allowing him to finally reach 2000 points after being on the site for over two years. He ended 2016 by being the most active he had been in months. He returned to his old semi-active level of tagging in January of 2017, before leaving for another month after the 20th.

Problem reappeared on February 19th and February 20th, and then again on March 3rd. He would tag an additional two times that month. He would not tag again until April 21st. He would tag twice on the 24th. Following this, Problem would make only 8 more tags for the remainder of 2017: one in June, three in July, one in September, two in October, and one on December 31st. He would not appear in the immediate aftermath following the announcement of the Tagpocalypse. No records of 2018 remain, though it is likely that Problem popped in every once in a while. As of January 31st, 2018, he had attained 2222 points on his profile.

He would return briefly to the community on the opening day of Tags.tf. Having since been promoted to Colonel Problem in the days following the death of TF2Tags, he was welcomed back with open arms. At an unknown date, however, he left the public Discord server for unknown reasons, and has not been heard from since.

## Style

During his more active days on the site, Lt. Col. Problem's style typically consisted of whatever popped into his head at the time. He once compared his style to the Huntsman. It's really hit or miss, and sometimes hits by complete accident. He was also partial to making tags related to Nintendo's Punch-Out! series. His tagging style often garned him many tags that would score above 20 points. Unfortunately, it also had the drawback of making Problem especially susceptible to Tagger's Block, which is a reason for his frequent inactivity.

Currently, Lt. Col. Problem is credited with creating the Perverted Conagher's Combover site meme, tracing back to December 13th, 2015. Dated to two specific tags where Problem used Engineer cosmetics to tell pickup lines (the first using the Special Eyes, the second using the Combover), they achieved great success. Problem would later use Combover again on February 28th of 2016, right in the middle of the Colorless Times. Like before, this tag did exceedingly well, sparking a sitewide trend that would continue on for several weeks, and eventually becoming so prolific that it became cemented as a sitewide meme, still used to this day on Tags.tf. Problem himself would use the meme often after it gained sitewide appeal, becoming his best-performing tags late in his career.

As time wore on and he became less active, his style largely conformed to whatever the current site memes were (including his own). In December of 2016, he had a month-spanning running meme using the Soldier's Requeim taunt named after famous celebrities who died that year, with each description always being "Dammit!" These tags stopped in the New Year.

## Relationships

Lt. Col. Problem's personality can easily be summed up as Sensible Haircut with a filter. He has many of the similar political and cultural beliefs (or at least moderate versions of them), but refrains from speaking about them in most instances, which kept him from making many enemies. In fact, Problem did not speak much at all. Problem is like that kid who sits in the corner and sometimes butts into conversations. He doesn't have many relationships to speak of. It was shown that he was on good terms with Mr. Copycat, and was appreciative of Sensible. If there is a flamewar involving Ulysses, AFI, Legownz, or Sensible Haircut, he will usually side with them. On Steam, he is friends with Blast, Crimson Blitz, Legownz, Le Tryhard Hunter, A Fucking Idiot, Acquiesce, and Expand. He was shown to dislike Meta Breakers during the Edge Incident, but it is unknown if he continued to feel that way afterwards. He once got into a verbal dispute with Reboot, but he regretted it and soon made up with him afterwards.

## Gallery

Problem's earliest surviving tag.Problem's best tag.Problem makes a valid argument.This tag is a prelude to another he would make in September of 2016.
## Trivia

* Problem's most well-known profile picture is a highly-distorted image of Sergeant Hartman from *Full Metal Jacket*.
	+ This PFP gives Legownz nightmares.
* Though mostly known as Major/Lt. Col. Problem or G-Swizzle, he has gone through four other aliases. These include, in order, WeegeetheKid (which predates Major Problem), Grandma Hitler (which occurred between Major Problem and G-Swizzle), ctrl alt delight (which followed Lt. Col. Problem), and Killfuck Soulshitter.
* Lt. Col. Problem shares his city of residence, Phoenix, Arizona, with A Fucking Idiot. It is unknown if the two ever met IRL.
* On February 19th, 2017, Problem obtained an Australium Rocket Launcher after completing his "first" Tour of Duty. Whether this was his first tour ever or simply the first of the day is unknown.
* Problem has an extreme distaste for most things related to Japan. He hates anime, manga, and the very Japanese language.
	+ Despite this, he has a weakness for JRPGs, provided they're not too anime-like.
* Problem is a fervent anti-communist.
* Problem is into Dungeons and Dragons.
* Problem remembers School House Rock.
* Problem advocates that the Internet stop making stupid people famous. This is unwinnable, but noble battle.