Virginia Woolf

## Moments of Being

*MOB* is a collection of autobiographical writing VW undertook, mainly including *Sketch of the Past*, which Woolf started in 1939 after attempting to write a biography of Roger Fry.

### Quotes

#### Philosophies on Memory, Consciousness

* "***If life has a base that it stands upon, if it is a bowl that one fills and fills and fills"***
* "The strength of these pictures--but sight was always then so much mixed with sound that picture is not the right word"
* "Those moments--in the nursery, on the road to the beach--can still be more real than the present moment. This I have just tested."
* "At times I can go back to St. Ives more completely than I can this morning. I can reach a state where I see to be watching things happen as if I were there. *That is, I suppose, that my memory supplies what I had forgotten, so that it seems as if it were happening independently, though I am really making it happen.* In certain favourable moods, memories--what one has forgotten--come to the top. *Now if this is so, is it not possible--I often wonder--that things we have felt with great intensity have an existence independent of our minds; are in fact still in existence? And if so, will it not be possible, in time, that some device will be invented by which we can tap them?"*
* "I feel that strong emotion must leave its trace; and it is only a question of discovery how we can get ourselves again attached to it, so that we shall be able to live our lives through from the start."
* "This leads to a digression, which perhaps may explain a little of my own psychology; even of other people's. Often when I have been writing one of my so-called novels I have been baffled by this same problem; that is, how to describe what I call in my private shorthand--"non-being." Every day includes much more non-being than being."
* "These separate moments of being were however embedded in many more moments of non-being. I have already forgotten what Leonard and I talked about at lunch; and at tea; although it was a good day the goodness was embedded in a kind of *nondescript cotton wool*. This is always so. A great part of every day is not lived consciously. [...] A great novelist can somehow convey both sorts of being...I tried--in Night and Day, and in the Years."
* "As a child then, my days, just as they do now, contained a large proportion of this cotton wool, this non-being. Week after week passed at St. Ives and nothing made any dint upon me. Then, for no reason that I know about, there was a sudden violent shock; something happened so violently that I have remembered it all my life."
	+ Hurting Thoby: "Just as I raised my fist to hit him, I felt: why hurt another person? I dropped my hand instantly, and stood there, and let him beat me. I remember the feeling. It was a feeling of hopeless sadness. It was as if I became aware of something terrible; and of my own powerlessness."
	+ "The second instance was also in the garden at St. Ives. I was looking at the flower bed by the front door; "That is the whole," I said. I was looking at a plant with a spread of leaves; and it seemed suddenly plain that the flower itself was a part of the earth; that a ring enclosed what was the flower; and that was the real flower; part earth; part flower. **It was a thought I put away as being likely to be very useful to me later.**"
	+ "The third case was also at St. Ives...when somehow I overheard my father or my mother say that Mr. Valpy had killed himself. The next thing I remember is being in the garden at night and walking on the path by the apple tree. It seemed to me that the apple tree was connected with the horror of Mr. Valpy's suicide. **I could not pass it. I stood there looking at the grey-green creases of the bark--it was a moonlit night--in a trance of horror. .."**
* "I know many of these exceptional moments brought with them a peculiar horror and a physical collapse; they seemed, dominant, myself passive. ***This suggests that as one gets older one has greater power through reason to provide an explanation; and that this explanation blunts the sledge-hammer force of the blow. I think this is true, because though I still have the peculiarity that I receive these sudden shocks, they are now always welcome; after the first surprise, I always feel instantly that they are particularly valuable. And so I go on to suppose that the shock-receiving capacity is what makes me a writer.** I hazard the explanation that the shock is at once in my case followed by the desire to explain it. I feel that I have had a blow; but it is not, as I thought as a child, simply a blow from **an enemy hidden behind the cotton wool of daily life;** it is or will become a revelation of some order; it is a **token of some real thing behind appearances; and I make it real by putting it into words. It is only by putting it into words that I make it whole; this wholeness means that it has lost its power to hurt me.*** (Freud and Trauma!!!!)
* **"...That behind the cotton wool is hidden a pattern; that we--I mean all human beings--are connected with this; that the whole world is a work of art; that we are parts of the work of art.** *Hamlet* or a Beethoven quartet is the truth about this vast mass that we call the world. But there is no Shakespeare, there is no Beethoven; certainly and emphatically there is no God; we are the words; we are the music; we are the thing itself. And I see this when I have a shock."
* (decision to include present as a platform to stand upon) "And further, this past is much affected by the present moment. What I write today I should not write in a year's time. But I cannot work this out; it had better be left to chance, as I write by fits and starts..."

### Moments

* "So without stopping to choose my way, in the sure and certain knowledge that it will find itself--or if not it will not matter--I begin: the first memory. This was of red and purple flowers on a black ground--my mother's dress; and she was sitting either in a train or in an omnibus, and I was on her lap. I therefore saw the flowers she was wearing very close; and can still see purple and red and blue, I think, against the black; they must have been anemones, I suppose."
* "But it is more convenient artistically to suppose that we were going to St. Ives, for that will lead to my other memory, which also seems to be my first memory, and in fact it is the most important of all my memories. ***If life has a base that it stands upon, if it is a bowl that one fills and fills and fills--***then my bowl without a doubt stands upon this memory. It is oflying half asleep, half awake, in bed in the nursery at St. Ives. It is of hearing the waves breaking, one, two, one, two, behind a yellow blind. It is of hearing the blind draw its little acorn across the floor as the wind blew the blind out. ...purest *ecstasy* I can conceive."

### Connections to Other VW Books

#### Art, Painting:

* "If I were a painter I should paint these first impressions in pale yellow, silver, and green. There was the pale yellow blind; the green sea; and the silver of the passion flowers. I should make a picture that was globular; semi-transparent. I should make a picture of curved petals; of shells; of things that were semi-transparent; I should make curved shapes, showing the light through, but not giving a clear outline. Everything would be large and dim; and what was seen would at the same time be heard; sounds would come through this petal or leaf--sounds indistinguishable from sights. Sound and sight seem to make equal parts of these first impressions."

### *The Waves*

* "...the apple tree was connected with the horror of Mr. Valpy's suicide. *I could not pass it."*
* "There was the moment of the puddle in the path; when for no reason I could discover, everything suddenly became unreal; I was suspended; I could not step across the puddle; I tried to touch something...the whole world became unreal. [...] But it was not over, for that night in the bath the dumb horror came over me. Again I had that hopeless sadness; that collapse I have described before; as if I were passive under some sledge-hammer blow; exposed to a whole avalanche of meaning that had heaped itself up and discharged itself upon me, unprotected, with nothing to ward it off, so that I huddled up at my end of the bath, motionless.