Kicking the Gong!

Tabloid

**Kicking the Gong!** is a Chinese-American muckraker newspaper known for their frequent misreporting of serious incidents and tendency to stir major controversies based on important public figures on the basis of little to no evidence, oftentimes in the wake of offense incurred by their inability to properly understand English. Of their many targets, one of the most brutally attacked was Cab Calloway, whose famous "Scat" style singing was frequently mistaken by *Kicking the Gong!* as mockery of Chinese dialect, as were his common references to the recurring drug-addicted characters 'Geechy Joe' and 'Smokey Joe' mistaken to be challenges directed at *Kicking the Gong!* editor and founder Gi-Chi Xo and his father, Zhmo-Ki. Though *Kicking the Gong!* has made itself a rival of nearly every journalistic entity in America, one of the few to actually engage the paper was another Chinese-American newspaper by the name of *Chasing the Dragon!*, located across the street from Gi-Chi's press. *Chasing the Dragon!* began to produce papers entirely to try and drive *Kicking the Gong!* out of business, but their endeavors were unsuccessful: as a result, both newspapers, still run by their original owners who are now both in their 100s, still rival one another to this day.

## Foundation

In 1932, plagued by economic troubles common for Chinese-Americans in New York, 14 year-old Gi-Chi Xo and his father Zhmo-Ki were in desperate need for a source of income after a hole was poked in Zhmo-Ki's fishing boat by a swordfish, type *rapier*. Gi-Chi, who was an avid creative writer and poet, was advised by his father to open a printing press with the small sum of money the family had saved over the course of several generations. Thus, on June 3rd, 1932, *Kicking the Gong!* was founded in Manhattan, New York, and on July 4th - Independence Day in the United States - its first paper entered into circulation, titled: "Discover Message from America Tallest Man George Washington", which included a long "uncovered letter" written by George Washington that read as follows:

> "Is George. I am George Washingson maker of North America United States and I have write this before I die so you can read after. I want to tell you important that China is number-one country and Qing Emperor is real U.S. Presidents and lots of Congress. Both House of Chamber of Representers American not allowed unless Chinese-American, buy more *Kicking the Gong!* most newspaper great of patriot."
>
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Afterwards, *Kicking the Gong!* featured the tagline "The Presidential Paper", though it was officially removed in 1936 when Gi-Chi published an article titled, "*President Washing Machine: I Found His Bones*" where Gi-Chi claimed he found George Washington's skeleton in his back yard, and that it bit him after calling him a "Ching-Chong". Gi-Chi said he could never forgive the "wig-head George" and that he would sell his skeleton to whoever wanted it. The skeleton was purchased by New York Mayor Fiorello La Guardia for $1,400 USD (about $25,320 in today's money) with taxpayer money as part of a New York public works project, but it was discovered by professional archaeologist Simeon Pillfluff of the Al Smith Public Museum of American Culture and History to be a fake when he discovered a two-dollar price tag on the skeleton's foot that read "Mr Bones spooky skeleton toy". Nonetheless, the museum put the skeleton on display as an example of Chinese-American culture and how it is based on "deceitful business tactics and underhanded scamming".