The War on Ferdango/Transcript

# **The War on Ferdango**

**Galactic unrest! After nearly a century of being a peaceful organization, the FERDANGO FIGHTERS have begun to fight against good, colonizing anything that crosses its path.**

**The JEDI ORDER, catching wind of the new force of evil, keeps a close eye on the fighters, unsure how powerful the gang is. Within the order, SACREM BROWN trains under his master, HOZHER.**

**Meanwhile, a pilot relaxes in his ship, the *Inferno,* as it makes its run above the planet FERDANGO, anxious to transport its much needed cargo to ALEON BETA, and bring its suffering to an end…**

## Part 1: Prologue

(This special opens with a large ship traveling across space. The ship is red with two white stripes, and a set of half a dozen boosters propelling it. The interior is also white. Cuts to the pilot seat, where the pilot sits back and watches the ship travel slowly. He picks up a recorder and turns it on.)

Pilot: Captain’s log, day twenty thousand, eight hundred and ninety-two. I am currently piloting the *Inferno* across the Ferdango system, with cargo and two Jedi in here with me. So far, today has been very calm, and this seems to be the safest day of my career. (Knocking is heard.) Or so I think…

(A Jedi walks into the cockpit. His hair is gray and short, and wears brown robes. He keeps his hands concealed, but he is an obvious human.)

Jedi: Captain Osser, how close are we to getting this cargo to Aleon Beta?

Captain Osser: Close enough that even the slightest bit of light speed could take us past the planet.

Jedi: Good. Do we need to take a pit stop?

Captain Osser: No sir, we are completely fine.

Jedi: Good.

(Someone pounds on the door to the cockpit.)

Someone: Master! Let me in!

Jedi: Patience, padawan. You may enter.

(The door opens. A young man dressed similarly to his master runs in. He has brown hair and a braid signifying his status as a padawan.)

Padawan: Master, we’re being boarded!

Captain Osser: What? How can this be? I permanently removed the airlocks!

Jedi: They still have the ability to board. Who is it that’s boarding us?

Padawan: A pirate ship from Ferdango.

Jedi: Then we have no time. Come, padawan. We cannot let the pirates gain our cargo.

(The master and apprentice pair make their way to the back of the ship. They look around for where the airlocks used to be. They hear sound behind a wall, then hear the hissing of a hot tool. Then, a hole is shown being carved into the wall of the ship. The padawan kneels in front of the wall that has a hole being cut into it and places his hand there, closing his eyes and feeling for how many life forms are trying to board. The hole is completed, but the piece of the wall is not taking out. The master realizes what is going on.)

Master: Padawan, no!

(The piece of the wall that was cut out is pushed in with a blast, sending the padawan back against the wall and the piece of the wall crushing him against the intact wall. With his padawan dead, the master activates his green lightsaber. The smoke clears, and a large gang of orangish-brown beings in armor and armed to the teeth walks in.)

Gang Leader: We are the Ferdangan Fighters, and we hereby commandeer this ship.

Master: Not if *I* have anything to say about it!

(The Fighters start shooting at the master, who deflects the bolts and disarms them as they enter. The leader slips by the master, who begins knocking the gang members out. The leader comes back, and throws Captain Osser onto the master, pinning them both.)

Gang Leader: This effort is no longer profitable. Anyone who is not unconscious, return to the ship.

(Some members get up and run out of the ship. The master watches in terror as the leader leaves last.)

Gang Leader: Goodbye, scum.

(He leaves. As the gang ship detaches, the master pushes Captain Osser off of him and uses the wall piece to plug the hole.)

Captain Osser: Not to worry. They stole no cargo.

Master: Wait. What’s that sound?

(Osser and the master notice blinking lights around the center of the ship. Their faces show complete terror as the beeping quickens. Moments later, it cuts to outside the ship, which explodes into a soundless ball of fire. As the fire ceases, yellow letters on the screen spell:)

**Candle Man & Friends: The War on Ferdango**

(As the title card melts away, the scene cuts to an overhead of Corukan Prime, which is a beautiful high-tech mega city. In the center of the area shown is a giant Jedi temple, which looks less modern than the city surrounding it. Cuts to an elevator, where a ten Corukanic year old Baghead stands next to his master in his Jedi robes, waiting for the elevator to stop.)

Hozher: Now, Sacrem, I know this is your first assignment from the Jedi council, but I want you to stay calm.

Baghead: Master, I’ll ask you not to use my real name. I want to be called Baghead.

Hozher: Why?

Baghead: Translated from Aleonic, my name means “Bag head business”. I would like my name to be translated.

Hozher: I see.

Baghead: And yes, I am calm. You’ve taught me well.

Hozher: But not too well.

Baghead: And I want to keep it that way.

(The elevator dings, and it opens to reveal the Jedi council room. Sitting in the middle of it is-)

Baghead: Grand Master Yennix?! I’ve heard so much about you. All of you!

Blask Dindoo: Settle down, Padawan Brown.

Yennix: Master Dindoo, easy on the child, you must go. Only enthusiastic, is he.

Hozher: Masters, what do you wish us to do?

Yennix: Threat on Ferdango, there is.

Klo Poon: The gang known as the Ferdango Fighters has existed for over ninety years, but it seems now that they have become… disenchanted with the rest of the planet, and every soul around it.

Blask Dindoo: Just yesterday they ambushed a Jedi freighter transporting cargo to Aleon Beta, and destroyed it.

Baghead: No!

Yennix: Know what that planet means to you, we do.

Fist Medisto: But this is where you come in.

Remadi Kindu: We need you to go to the planet and settle whatever their matter is.

Blask Dindoo: We do not want to resort to violence. Use your lightsaber only if necessary.

Baghead and Hozher: Yes, masters.

Yennix: Dismissed, you are.

(The duo leave and the elevator closes behind them.)

Blask Dindoo: Do you believe we can trust the child to help solve this matter? His emotions may jeopardize the mission.

Fist Medisto: We will have to.

Remadi Kindu: We have no other choice.

(Zooms out on the room, showing all twelve council members. Scene is swept away by the next scene, which is the elevator opening to reveal the temple hangar. Hozher and Baghead leave the elevator and walk through the hangar, Baghead marveling at the beautiful ships surrounding him. Finally, Hozher stops at a set of two ships: both are one-person ships, but one is blue and the other is orange.)

Hozher: Ah, here we are.

(He and Baghead walk over to the ships.)

Baghead: But master, aren’t we taking the *Quadblade*?

Hozher: I believe you can be trusted with your own ship now.

Baghead: Wow… thank you, master! And in my favorite color, too!

Hozher: You are welcome, my padawan. But… try not to get attached.

(Hozher and Baghead get into the ships. A droid is put into Hozher’s ship.)

Hozher: Arr-Seven, let’s get this done.

(R7 beeps affirmatively. Another droid is put into Baghead’s ship.)

Baghead: Hello there! Who are you?

(The droid beeps something.)

Baghead: Well, nice to meet you, R8-D7.

(The ships lift off and dash through the air. They make it into space.)

Hozher: Arr-Seven, set course for Ferdango.

(R7 squeals in happiness, then both ships travel into hyperspace. They come out very close to a set of three planets, with many behind them and the three planets.)

Hozher: Padawan, arm your ion cannons and bring up your shields.

Baghead: Yes, master. But, where are we, exactly?

Hozher: We have just entered the Ferdangan System. The big planet (points straight ahead to the one farthest away from them) is Ferdango. The planet to our left (points to it) is Cavino. And the one to our left (points to it) is Protnam Alpha.

Baghead: And the other planets?

Hozher: Irrelevant. Now listen. Protnam Alpha has a station orbiting the planet.

Baghead: I don’t see it.

Hozher: Concentrate, Baghead. Reach out with the Force. Where is the station?

(Baghead closes his eyes. He reopens them.)

Baghead: On the dark side of the planet, behind it.

Hozher: Very good. It is rumored that the Ferdango Fighters have taken over the station. We have not had any transmissions from it in days.

Baghead: So we are to liberate it?

Hozher: If it needs liberating.

(Baghead closes his eyes to see if he can feel what is happening on the station, but the sound of a ship coming closer echoes in his mind. He opens his eyes, worried.)

Baghead: Master, there is a ship coming out of hyper-

Hozher: I see it, padawan.

(The ship comes out of hyperspace, and it is huge. Ten times as large as the freighter used to destroy the Inferno, it has a huge body and a giant post extruding upwards from the back of it. Underneath, half a dozen smaller ships release themselves from the ship and soar towards the duo.)

Baghead: Fighters coming in at point three!

Hozher: What?

Baghead: To the right!

(Baghead and Hozher take evasive action as the fighters pass them, then they turn and wreck a fighter each.)

Baghead: I got one!

Hozher: Great, padawan, but don’t get cocky!

(The duo follow the fighters into an asteroid field.)

Baghead: KRIFF!

Hozher: Arr-Seven, arm deflector shields!

Baghead: Yes, do that, R8!

(Small asteroids bounce off the ships. Baghead’s ship spins and turns through the field, but Hozher’s ship keeps going straight ahead.)

Baghead: Master, aren’t you going to do evasive action?

Hozher: I have found a direct path with the Force. I suggest you do the same.

(Baghead closes his eyes yet again, then finds a direct path. He locks onto another ship and destroys it.)

Baghead: Yes! Three down, three to go! Let’s get them!

Hozher: Patience, Baghead.

(They watch as the remaining fighters crash into asteroids.)

Hozher: See?

Baghead: But we still have that huge ship to deal with!

Hozher: Not for much longer. Do you see that large asteroid?

(A huge rock soars over Baghead’s cockpit.)

Baghead: It’s the only thing I *can* see, master.

Hozher: Throw it at the ship’s command center.

(Baghead uses the Force to grab ahold of the asteroid, and fling it at the ship. It hits the post extruding out of the back of it, destroying it and making the ship go offline.)

Baghead: Yahoo!

Hozher: Now, let’s get to Protnam Station.

(They go towards the orangish-white planet until they shrink enough to go offscreen. The scene changes to the ship Hozher and Baghead caused to go offline, then cuts to the leader in his barracks. He hears damage being done to the command center above him, and runs out the door. He goes in the elevator, and the elevator soon opens to reveal a crushed command center with no synthetic atmosphere. The leader puts a space suit over his head and face.)

Gang Leader: How… did… this…

(A Ferdango Fighter bobs toward the leader in his own space suit, debris hitting his suit as he navigates through it. By the time he settles in front of the leader, he has a crack down the right-hand side of his helmet.)

Fighter #1: Captain Xerk!

Xerk: Corporal Gralkos. Report.

Gralkos: The two Jedi, they… threw an asteroid at the command deck! I saw it coming quick enough that I could get my suit on, but the damage was already done! Everyone else is-

Xerk: That’s enough, Corporal. All I see right now is that you failed.

Gralkos: But, captain-!

(Xerk grabs a large piece of debris and throws it at Gralkos, smashing his helmet and forcing him into outer space.)

Xerk: I know you’d scream if you were able to.

(Meanwhile, the two ships land at Protnam Station. Hozher and Baghead get out and walk into the lobby of the station. A humanoid female with clipped brown hair and eyeglasses sits at the front desk.)

Female: (New York accent.) Hi there, and welcome to our wonderful station. What brings you here today?

Offscreen Person: I know why they’re here.

(A man with light blue skin and red tattoos walks up in a red gown and a gold cane with a red pearl.)

Hozher: Hello, Minister Powta.

Minister Powta: Greetings, Master Jedi. I hear you need refueling?

Baghead: We could use some, but-

(Hozher elbows Baghead gently, shutting him up.)

Hozher: No, we are in no need of fuel.

Minister Powta: (Shifts eyes.) Then I do not understand why you are here.

Hozher: I was told that there is something transpiring in your station’s… government.

Minister Powta: (Looks to the side.) There is nothing out of the ordinary going on in our station’s government. (Sweat becomes visible on his brow.) If this is all you came to check up on, then I advise you leave.

Hozher: Please. Let us look for ourselves.

Minister Powta: I will join you, if you do not mind.

(The trio walk past the front desk and into the thick of the station, where many roam. Minister Powta turns his head and whispers to the two Jedi.)

Minister Powta: If we’re being honest, I need your help.

Hozher: So the fighters *have* taken control of the station.

Minister Powta: They came a few weeks ago. They assassinated Prime Minister Lop We, and usurped control of the station, *and* used me as a puppet.

Baghead: Where can we find the leader?

Minister Powta: He is… not here.

Hozher: Then where is the person in charge?

Minister Powta: The back office. Take the elevator to the top floor. There, you will find Quex Derkas. You know it’s him when you see the jewel where his left eye should be.

Baghead: Alright.

(They leave Minister Powta’s side and run through the thick of people and into a hallway behind the lobby, social center and food court.)

Baghead: There seems to be a system of hotels in this station.

Hozher: And I doubt it’s for the public.

(Hozher goes in front of Baghead in the narrow hallway. He stops when there is a door at his left.)

Baghead: What is it, master?

(Hozher stays silent. Then, he punches through the door. A shrill scream is heard from inside as Hozher grabs the inside doorknob, unlocks the door, and opens it. Inside are two Ferdangans, one male and female, in a king size bed. The male gets out of the bed, only in his underwear, and grabs a gun hanging on a bedpost.)

Male Ferdangan: Stop right there!

(Hozher Force-pushes the weapon out of the Ferdangan’s hand. Then Force-pulls the semi-nude man into his custody. The female watches in horror.)

Male Ferdangan: You’re a… you’re a…

Hozher: You’re here with them, aren’t you?

Male Ferdangan: Y-yes.

Baghead: What do they plan to do with this place?

Male Ferdangan: T-they want t-t-t-to use it as a base and fueling station.

(Hozher throws the man onto the ground.)

Hozher: Thank you.

(Baghead uses the hilt of his lightsaber to knock the man out.)

Hozher: Padawan!

Baghead: What? The leader’s gonna kill him, anyway.

Hozher: If he finds out, of course. (To the female Ferdangan.) Resuscitate him in one hour. After that, make sure he has no internal brain damage.

(The female nods. Hozher closes the door, but Baghead peers through the door.)

Baghead: By the way, sorry about the door.

(They leave. Cuts to the duo going into the elevator. The elevator doors close behind them.)

Hozher: Lightsaber at the ready, padawan.

Baghead: Yes, master.

(The doors hiss open, and many Ferdango Fighters are walking through the hallway. When the elevator opens, they all freeze.)

Fighter #2: Hey! What are you two doing here?!

Hozher: Oh, don’t mind us. We just want to speak to your boss.

(The fighters open fire.)

Baghead: I guess it’s necessary now!

(Baghead and Hozher activate their double bladed blue lightsabers and deflect every blast coming their way, ricocheting off the blades and into walls. Finally, Hozher and Baghead use the Force to push all of the fighters into the back of the hallway, knocking them all unconscious in front of the only door made of metal.)

Baghead: This must be the door.

(He runs toward it.)

Hozher: Padawan, wait!

(Baghead steps over the unconscious men and presses a button on the door. The button shocks him, and he is soon on the ground with steam coming out of him.)

Hozher: Padawan, do you need medical attention?

Baghead: Ohhhhh… no. No, I’ll be fine.

(Baghead gets up.)

Hozher: That was very reckless, padawan. You need to-

Baghead: -Be more careful. I know.

Hozher: Now, if you are okay, we will continue.

(Hozher only activates one of his lightsaber blades and starts carving a hole into the door. Once the hole was made, Hozher Force-pulls the piece of wall carved out and puts it in the hallway. The duo charge into the office. The circular office is beautiful: the back wall is a large window with a view of Protnam Alpha. The office is clean, with even the wastebasket emptied. Closet doors on the left and right walls are open, revealing detailed armor and weapons. In the center of it all is a large desk, flanked by four guards. Sitting at it is none other than Quex Derkas.)

Quex: Halt! Guards, stop them!

(The blades of the guards’ weapons are as powerful as lightsabers, shown when the guards cross blades with the Jedi pair. Baghead and Hozher easily disarm the guards and push them aside, deactivating their sabers when all of the guards are either unconscious or beaten up enough that they cannot fight any longer.)

Quex: What do you two hooligans want?

Baghead: We are Jedi, not hooligans.

Quex: Is there a difference?

Hozher: You are hereby ordered to surrender the station to its true government and leave this place forever.

Quex: You and what army?

Baghead: We don’t have an army, but we already outnumber you.

Quex: Not in weapons.

(He jumps on top of the wide desk and pulls out two blasters. He shoots them at a quick pace, but Baghead and Hozher deflect every blast. Finally, Baghead deflects two blasts at Quex’s hands, causing him to drop his weapons.)

Baghead: We can do this the easy way, or the hard way.

Quex: How about neither?

(More Ferdango Fighters pour into the office, surrounding the duo on all sides.)

Quex: Let’s see if you stand after this.

(Hozher picks up a comlink. On the other side is R7.)

Hozher: Arr-Seven, initiate plan G-01!

(R7 beeps on the other side before the gravity is taken off. Hozher and Baghead float through the air and use the Force to disarm the fighters in their moment of distraction. They then use the Force to slam everyone against the ceiling but them.)

Hozher: Alright, Arr-Seven, that’s enough.

(R7 beeps a little, before gravity is restored. Hozher and Baghead land on their feet, but everyone else hits the ground hard. The master and apprentice run over to Quex and bring them into their custody.)

Baghead: Arr-Seven never lets us down, does he?

Hozher: Do not jinx us, my padawan. Let’s just get these fighters off the base.

(Fades to the hangar, where Baghead and Hozher push every Ferdango Fighter onto their semi-big ship.)

Quex: You will not get away with this. The Ferdango Fighters have POWER!

Hozher: Power, eh? Why don’t I escort this ship back to the fleet? Maybe we can negotiate reasonably.

Baghead: What about me, master?

Hozher: You will go to Cavino to see what their conditions are. If our formation works, maybe we can stop the war before it starts.

(Quex laughs as he gets pushed into the ship.)

Quex: You think your stupid plan will work? Ha! We want war, and you will be our first casualties! HAHAHAHA!

Baghead: That’s enough out of you.

(He Force-pushes Quex into the ship.)

Hozher: I want you to take both droids to Cavino. I do not require a droid for diplomacy.

Baghead: Yes, master.

(Hozher climbs into his ship. He and the Ferdango Fighters ship’s pilot turn on their crafts and lift off.)

Hozher: See you later, Baghead!

(They leave the station. Minister Powta walks up to Baghead.)

Minister Powta: You have done a great deal for my people. Once again Protnam Station will prosper.

Baghead: You have done a lot, too. You could have easily lied and sent us on our way. But you didn't. I suppose we’re equally heroes.

Minister Powta: I suppose.

Baghead: You know, now this place needs a prime minister. I could arrange for you to get your station back.

Minister Powta: Well, thank you. I am honored.

Baghead: Don’t mention it, big blue.

Minister Powta: Is there anything that you ask of us?

Baghead: Only the upgrades needed to let two droids fit in a Jedi interceptor.

Minister: That will not take long. Until my workers are done, you are welcome to stay here and take in what this station offers.

Baghead: Sounds good. (To the droids.) Let’s go see what fun we can have!

(Zooms out on the trio leaving as Minister Powta gestures at his workers to get working on the ship.)

**Directed by Baghead11**
Written by Baghead11

Starring (in order of appearance):
(Suddenly the credits stop.)

Baghead: (Offscreen.) Hold on a second. You think this over? Kriff no! Just watch what happens next!

(Pans over the food court, where a fight breaks out. Baghead walks into it.)

Drunk Fighter #1: Hey, it’s a Jedi!

Drunk Fighter #2: Get him!

(Several men charge at Baghead. Baghead, unfazed, holds out a hand. He flicks air, but at the same moment, the men charging at him get blasted back and knocked over. Baghead walks past the injured men and to the register.)

Baghead: I’ll have the five-piece chicken dish with fries, and a grape soda.

Cashier: And how will you pay for that, sir?

(Baghead flips a fifty-credit bill to the cashier.)

Baghead: Keep the change.

## Part 2: Rock and a Hard Place

(Baghead walks into the hangar still sipping his soda. Minister Powta greets him.)

Minister Powta: Greetings, Padawan Jedi. Your ship is ready, and your droids have been waiting.

Baghead: Let them wait. I was hungry.

(He throws the empty can into a nearby recycling bin.)

Minister Powta: Then I guess this where we part.

Baghead: See ya, minister.

(He jumps and does a flip before landing in his interceptor. He and the droids take off and leave the hangar as Minister Powta watches. Then, the scene cuts to them soaring towards the very dark blue world known as Cavino. R8 whistles and beeps.)

Baghead: Wish I could say, R8, but I don’t know. Never been here before, probably never will again.

(R7 beeps.)

Baghead: Yeah, you’re right. There is only one way to find out.

(Baghead enters the atmosphere and soon lands the ship on a rocky surface. The ship leans forward a little bit after it lands, signifying their landing pad is uneven. R8 squeals in anger.)

Baghead: Don’t get mad at me, R8! This is the least rocky thing I could find!

(Pans over the barren planet. The ground is absolute rock, as dark blue as it looked from space, and the exact opposite of smooth. There are a couple of caves in the area.)

Baghead: Well, this was a waste. There seems to be no one here.

(R8 beeps.)

Baghead: Underground? Why didn’t you tell me earlier?

(R8 makes an “I don’t know” sound. Baghead sighs.)

Baghead: Fine. Let’s go underground. Which cave leads to their civilization’s capital?

(R8 beeps again.)

Baghead: Alright. Let’s go. Arr-Seven, stay with the ship.

(R7 beeps. Baghead and R8 walk/roll away. They soon come upon the cave they are to descend in, but before this happens, a small creature crawls out from a crack in the rock.)

Baghead: Well, hello there!

(He holds out his palm.)

Baghead: Come here, my little friend. Don’t be af-WAAAAAAAAAAAA!

(The creature bites Baghead’s hand and clamps down.)

Baghead: AHHHHHHHH! GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!!

(R8 electrocutes the creature, causing it to release Baghead’s hand and crawl back into the ground.)

Baghead: Whew, thank you. Now, let’s find that civilization.

(They descend into the cave. Cuts to darkness, with nothing in sight.)

Baghead: R8, gotta light?

(R8 turns on the light. Baghead looks around.)

Baghead: Nah, that’s not enough.

(He activates one blade of his lightsaber.)

Baghead: That’s better. Now where are we?

(He looks around the dark cave. He spots drawings on the walls.)

Baghead: Well, someone’s definitely been here before. R8, what are the drawings of, exactly?

(R8 does an “I dunno” noise.)

Baghead: Ugh.

(He places a hand on the wall. Immediately, he begins feeling a strange sensation. Flash, then the inside of his mind is shown. The drawings move in Baghead’s brain to tell a story: People are on the surface. The surface has plants and water and there is sunshine. But one day, a ship arrives. They are people with spears, and they chase the people around. More ships land. And more. And more. All from the same place. The oppressed people of the planet begin revolting against the terrorists, destroying the ships by puncturing the fuel tanks. The ships begin emptying all their power, and it pushes the entire planet further out into orbit, making it cold and dark. The fuel also burns all of the vegetation and life on the surface, and so the people retreat into the caves. Baghead opens his eyes, and gasps.)

Baghead: What…just…happened?

(R8 beeps.)

Baghead: Half an hour? That long?

(R8 beeps an affirmation.)

Baghead: We can’t waste any more time. Who knows what my master is up to?

(Cuts to Hozher, who follows the Ferdangan ship back to the mothership, which is still severely damaged. They dock in the hangar, which thankfully is still intact. Hozher gets out of his ship, the people he’s escorting following suit.)

Hozher: Hm. Maybe this’ll go well after all.

(A huge explosion erupts from the Ferdangan ship, enveloping it and most of the hangar. The only thing keeping Hozher from being destroyed is his connection to the Force. He pushes the fire away, and continues to guard himself until the blast is gone. The explosion has destroyed his ship, but he doesn’t seem to care.)

Hozher: Darn it. Guess these negotiations are about to become aggressive.

(He takes out his lightsaber, activates both blades, and charges out of the hangar. Meanwhile, Baghead and R8-D7 trudge through the cave in almost absolute darkness, R8’s headlights and Baghead’s lightsaber the only things keeping them from walking blind.)

Baghead: Ugh, how much more of this do we have to go through?

(R8 whistles and beeps.)

Baghead: Well, I don’t see any light ahead. Maybe you should check your scanners.

(R8 angrily beeps at Baghead.)

Baghead: WELL I DON’T KNOW!

(A large light is shone at Baghead. He moves his arms in front of his eyes and squints to try to see what is going on. He finally sees it: civilization. Surrounded with a green hue, a large city sits many levels beneath Baghead’s own. R8 smugly beeps at Baghead.)

Baghead: Yeah, yeah.

(The duo notice a staircase leading down. Without any objection, they descend from their elevated level. Once they make it down to the city’s level, they look around at the green-tinted skinned inhabitants. Their clothes were ratty, they had no hair, they had no shoes, and they seemed… depressed.)

Baghead: Hmm.

(R8 beeps.)

Baghead: A transmission? From Master Hozher?

(R8 smugly beeps.)

Baghead: Patch it through, smug exhaust port.

(R8 shows a hologram of Hozher, who is currently deflecting several blaster bolts on a ship.)

Hozher: Padawan, it seems I’ve gotten into a bit of trouble. Pack up whatever you’re doing and assist me at once.

(The transmission ends.)

Baghead: It’s a trick. Send no reply.

(R8 inquisitively beeps.)

Baghead: He has never said “whatever” in his life. He knew what I was doing. It’s a trap for us.

(R8 inquisitively beeps again.)

Baghead: Him? Already in the trap? I don’t think s-

(Cuts suddenly to the large but damaged mothership, then the scene changes to Hozher in a prison cell, restrained from head to toe. Xerk opens the door to the cell and walks in smugly.)

Xerk: Well, well, well. What have we here?

(He takes Hozher’s lightsaber from a nearby table and turns it on.)

Xerk: A Jedi. Hmm. Heh. Heh. Heh. Heheheheheh.

(Hozher watches as Xerk laughs hysterically.)

Xerk: You Jedi thought you could take on Xerk the Destroyer and his army with one of you?

Hozher: I came to negotiate with you terrorists. If I was in my ship I could’ve destroyed yours with a flick of my wrist.

Xerk: My ship. You? (Laughs.) Look at my ship. The Obliterator. The giant thing would swallow up three moons if it could. And you said you could destroy it. That, sir, is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.

Hozher: Laugh it up, “Xerk the Destroyer”. I’ve obliterated the Obliterator before. (Smugly.) From what I heard, your bridge is under construction.

(Xerk gestures offscreen and the upright table Hozher is restrained to is hit with a large wave of electricity, torturing the man, but nothing seems to get through him. Xerk gestures again and the electricity stops.)

Xerk: Anything else to say, Grozz?

Hozher: Yeah. I like your torture chair. It doesn’t live up to its name, but it looks cool.

(Xerk hits him with another round of torture.)

Xerk: ANYTHING ELSE?

Hozher: I’ve run out of insults. Unlike your junk food supply.

(A bigger round of torture before the scene cuts back to Baghead and R8, who investigate the town. Rumbling echoes through the city, but no one pays it any mind.)

Baghead: I’m starting to feel like the Fighters are here.

(R8 smugly beeps.)

Baghead: Then let’s see you find them!

(R8 uses a small arm to point at a large fortress in the center of the city.)

Baghead: Wait, that’s a building?

(R8 affirmatively beeps.)

Baghead: Well, how was I supposed to know?!

(R8 makes a rolling-eyes sound. Cuts to them at the door of the fortress. R8 inquisitively beeps.)

Baghead: Well, anyone in their right mind would wisely knock… but I’m not in my right mind.

(He turns on his lightsaber and pierces the door with it. He carves a hole into it and takes the piece out. R8 beeps.)

Baghead: Why should I be in my right mind? Sure, I’m a Jedi, but I'm being trained. The right mind hasn’t been given to me yet.

(R8 beeps a sigh. The duo enter the building. In there is one large room. It is empty except for a few guards and a large throne, with a pampered and jeweled man sitting on it.)

Throne guy: Guards, get the Jedi!

(The guards charge at Baghead and R8, but R8 shocks the guards to the point of unconsciousness.)

Baghead: Who are you?!

Throne guy: I am Verlick Remedoon. The new lord of Cavino!

Baghead: Not if we have anything to say about it!

(Baghead speeds toward the man, focused on taking him down. However, this proves to be harder than expected, as the Ferdango Fighter pulls out a weapon of his own: an electrostaff. He crosses blades with the padawan.)

Verlick: They send a padawan to do a master’s job?

Baghead: Don’t be so cocky. My master’s job is to train me, and he’s done his job.

(Baghead slides underneath Verlick and gets up behind his foe, Force-pushing him into the wall. Verlick quickly recovers and continues fighting Baghead.)

Baghead: Are all of you politicians armed with weapons?

Verlick: Just the good ones.

Baghead: What about your relations with droids?

Verlick: Huh?

(R8 shocks Verlick from behind. Baghead takes this opportunity to cut off Verlick’s weapon-holding arm and his left leg. Verlick goes down.)

Baghead: Let this be a lesson to you.

Verlick: What lesson? You have lost! I have poisoned this world, and a war will start with these people on the side of the fighters! This is your lesson! Arresting me will only make the war go on further.

(People start entering the throne room, set on killing the boy who wants to arrest their lord.)

Verlick: See?! You will die!

Baghead: It seems we are at a disagreement.

(Baghead Force-pushes everyone but Verlick out of the building, then points his lightsaber down toward the wounded man.)

Baghead: And I never said I’m going to arrest you.

(Offscreen, Baghead sticks his lightsaber into his foe, killing the corrupt man. Cuts to R8, who makes a gasp-beep. Baghead shakily turns off his lightsaber.)

Baghead: (Sighs.) You’re right. I shouldn’t have done that. That was not the Jedi way.

(R8 beeps.)

Baghead: That’s not what you meant? Then what did you mean?

(R8 uses a small robot arm to point at incoming citizens and Ferdango Fighters bent on killing the person who destroyed their ruler.)

Baghead: Crik.

(Cuts to Hozher, alone in his cell, yet still restrained. He opens his eyes.)

Hozher: Maybe I shouldn’t have insulted his outfit that last time. No idea there was so much voltage in there. Now let’s see…

(He moves his hand a little bit, causing the lightsaber on the nearby table to move and fall off.)

Hozher: Okay. Come to Papa.

(The lightsaber moves toward Hozher. Finally, the lightsaber soars into his left hand, Hozher turning it on and using it to slice open his restraints. He jumps out of them, then cuts open the door and escapes. Cuts back to Baghead and R8, who are also trying to escape.)

Baghead: R8, how do we get out of here?!

(R8 releases a cable that connects to the ceiling.)

Baghead: Good idea.

(Baghead grabs onto R8 and the droid wizzes up to the ceiling. Baghead uses his lightsaber to cut a hole into the roof, then both stand on it. However, the citizens are throwing things at the duo, and one object causes R8 to fall back into the throne room.)

Baghead: R8!

(Baghead watches in horror as R8 shatters into a million pieces. Baghead holds back tears as he leaves, going back the way he came. Cuts to the surface. R7 is circling the ship, making sure nothing is looking to take it. Suddenly, he sees Baghead run out of a cavern, blaster bolts barely missing his body. He deflects a few bolts, but then turns to look at R7.)

Baghead: Arr-Seven, start the ship!

(R7 beeps inquisitively.)

Baghead: We’ll have to go without him! Just start it!

(As R7 rolls over to his socket, blaster bolts pelt the ship, barely missing him. R7 squeals. He gets into the socket just as Baghead runs over and jumps in. The ship lifts off and shoots into the sky. Cuts to Hozher, who runs through the halls of the Obliterator. He beeps something on his right arm and speaks into it. Blaster bolts start firing at him.)

Hozher: Padawan, where are you?

(Cuts to Baghead in the middle of space on his ship. He hears this, and R7 beeps.)

Baghead: You don’t have to see if it’s a fake, Arr-Seven. This is a private frequency. (To Hozher.) I’ve just left Cavino. I’m going to the mothership if-

Hozher: (Through frequency.) No, padawan. I can get out myself. Go to Ferdango. I’ll meet you there.

Baghead: Yes, master.

(Cuts to Hozher, who shuts off the frequency. He deflects some blaster bolts, then runs. Cuts to some time later. Hozher has discovered the airlock chamber, which houses several escape pods. He gets it into one and presses the jettison button. The escape pod shoots out, Hozher directing the pod right at Ferdango. Back on the ship, Xerk and some of his men run into the airlock chamber and see that Hozher has escaped.)

Xerk: RRAH! (Punches the wall, which crumbles a little bit. To his men.) They’re going to Ferdango. Take everyone on board to the planet.

Fighter #3: Yes sir!

(His men run away. When he is alone, he takes out a small holoprojector and calls someone. A mini person shows up above the small device, their back to the screen.)

Person: Hello, Xerk. I trust you still have the Jedi in your custody.

Xerk: I apologize, my lord, but he escaped.

(The man holds up his right arm in a clutching position.)

Xerk: I can get-(Xerk starts being choked by some invisible force.)

Lord: I will give you one more chance to capture the Jedi. If you fail again, you will die. Do you understand?

Xerk: (Raspy.) Yes.

(The man puts down his arm, and Xerk falls to the ground, breathing heavily. He lets go of the holoprojector, and before the man ends the call, the holoprojector spins on the ground to reveal a quick view of the man. But before his appearance can be registered, the call ends. Xerk gets up and puts the device in his pocket. Cuts to the bridge, which has been temporarily rebuilt with weaker material.)

Xerk: Time for the next phase of my plan.

(Being the only person on the ship, he grabs the controls and steers the Obliterator away from Ferdango. He laughs maniacally. Cuts to the surface of Ferdango. It’s somewhat dry, but habitable. Baghead lands his ship onto the surface, then he and R7 get out. Baghead looks around.)

Baghead: Hm. I wonder where Hozher is.

(In the background, Hozher’s escape pod crashes into a medium-sized ship, destroying it.)

Baghead: Ah.

## Part 3: Declaration of Dependence

(Cuts to Baghead, Hozher, and R7 walking across the capital city of Ferdango. It is now dark, the orange sun slipping away across the horizon.)

Hozher: I am sorry for your loss, padawan.

Baghead: It’s alright. We must continue R8’s legacy by completing this mission. Speaking of, where are we going next?

Hozher: We’re already here.

(Baghead looks up and sees another castle.)

Baghead: Are we just gonna keep toppling sacred royal sanctuaries?

Hozher: No, this one has not yet been taken over. The Ferdangans are as mad at their dissidents as we are.

(They go in. A throne room looking much like the one on Cavino, the leader of Ferdango sits in the large throne at the back of the room.)

Leader: It’s about time!

Hozher: Sorry, your highness. We were undertaking some missions at other places.

Leader: Yes, I heard about the battle on Protnam Station and the riot on Cavino. Sounds like you guys are really stirring the pot.

Baghead: Hey, we’re trying to destroy the people who are bleeding your system to death! Maybe you can cut us a little slack!

Hozher: Padawan!

Baghead: Sorry, master. I just-

Hozher: I understand your hostility. Perhaps this was sparked from that intercepted cargo transport to your homeworld.

Baghead: It-

Hozher: Padawan.

Baghead: (Sigh.) Yes, master. I want them to get what’s coming to them…

Hozher: And you don’t know or care how.

Baghead: I’d prefer if it was us, but that’s not the Jedi way.

Hozher: I sense we will not be the ones destroying them, but the least we can do is stop them.

Leader: So are you going to or not?

Hozher: Oh, yes. What do we do next?

Leader: Even though the Ferdango Fighters are based on the planet, no one here likes them. In fact, we have a volunteer army ready to destroy them when they return.

Baghead: So you need a commander?

Leader: Quite a few, actually. No one wants to command. They think it’s too risky and hard.

Hozher: I’ll go tell the council. Maybe they can send a few Jedi to help you out.

Leader: Thank you. Until then, we would like to see your two accomplices to the war room.

Baghead: What’s the war room?

(Cuts to the leader of Ferdango opening a metal door, revealing a dark yet large room with schematics and holograms of Ferdangan locations. Blue light emits from the holograms, making the only light in the room.)

Baghead: Whoa. So do you just sit in here and wait for the fighters to start a war?

Leader: It’s inevitable, the way I see it. Besides, what else does a leader do in his spare time?

Baghead: Hm, fair point.

(R7 spots an astromech socket and rolls over to it. He activates it and multiple battle scenarios play out on a table.)

Baghead: Wait, how many scenarios do you have on there?

Leader: All of them.

Baghead: Wow, that’s aw- wait a second. (He points to an array of green dots contrasting to the red and blue ones.) What are these?

Leader: Those are Republic ships. Their intervention would be the only way that scenario would work.

Baghead: But what if you couldn’t get the Republic to help?

Leader: Why not?

Baghead: What if we weren't able to tell them?

Leader: Like cutting off comms and attacking the capital themselves?

Baghead: Yeah, like tha- uh oh.

(Cuts to Xerk, at the head of the [badly] rebuilt Obliterator, cruising into Corukan Prime. He lets go of the controls and moves to the weapons, targeting the comm tower and placing his thumbs on the triggers.)

Xerk: All unit… (Quick chuckle at his joke.) …fire.

(He pushes down on the triggers, firing half a dozen missiles into the midsection of the tower. The tower breaks and eventually collapses in on itself.)

Xerk: (Taking up a comm of his own.) Pilonney, your men are cleared for attack.

(Cuts to a large shadow overtaking the capital of Ferdango. Citizens look up in horror at something offscreen. Baghead, R7, and the Ferdango leader rush out of the War Room to see an armada of ships speeding towards the planet.)

Baghead: Fighter ships! What scenario are they using?

Leader: It’s… uh-oh.

Baghead: Let me guess: the one with the Republic intervention.

(The leader nods.)

Baghead: It’s all right. Hozher’s calling the council as we speak. You’ll get what you need.

(Hozher returns.)

Hozher: Bad news. The comms are down. We’ve no way to get in touch with Republic forces.

(The four of them look up at the incoming battle.)

Baghead: Drat.

(Cuts to space. The mothership comes out of hyperspace.)

Xerk: Wait until we have enemy ships. Then attack.

(Back to Ferdango.)

Baghead: When was the Republic supposed to intervene in the scenario?

Leader: Very late in the battle.

Baghead: Good. I’ll stay down here and try to gain a signal with anything I can find. Master, go command the Ferdangan ships- I mean, uhh...

Hozher: Sacrem…

(Baghead gulps.)

Hozher: Aye aye.

(They salute each other and Hozher leaves.)

Baghead: Alright, let’s get word to the Republic!

(Baghead and R7-A1 go all the way out to an open field and find a bunch of metal rods. They stack the rods as far up as they can go.)

Baghead: That should do it.

(R7 beeps confusingly.)

Baghead: Yeah, I know, but how do I fix a comm tower two thousand light years from here?

(R7 beeps.)

Baghead: Send a transmission to Grennish? Corukan’s moon?

(R7 beeps again.)

Baghead: And then the Jedi there can make a transmission that relies on the moon’s comm tower! Genius! (Dialing Grennish’s Jedi protector.) Calling Grennish’s- (A negative chime comes out of his comm.) Huh? Oh, they’ve jammed our comms. Perfect.

(Meanwhile, Ferdangans jump into their ships and lift off. Hozher gets into the ship that the Ferdango Leader usually uses and looks up at the planet defenders he just allowed to be sent to their dooms.)

Hozher: Baghead, get those ships soon.

(Back to Baghead and R7-A1, who have broken into a sprint/fast roll as ships crash into the ground around them.)

Baghead: There must be some kind of underground comm connection we can use! Arr-Seven, do you have any way to access the comms?

(R7 beeps a lot as he tries to get into the comm channels, but then suddenly a piece of debris sails straight into him, potentially destroying him.)

Baghead: NOOOOOOO! WHY CAN’T I HOLD ONTO A SINGLE DROID?!

Voice: Psst!

(Baghead looks toward the sound and sees a middle aged yet weak Ferdangan cowering in an alley.)

Baghead: Who are you?

Ferdangan: I am Krask, and I believe I can fix two of your problems.

(Back in space, Xerk puts the ships in attack formation, with the Obliterator at the lead. He notices defense has popped up.)

Xerk: Fighters! Destroy… half.

Fighters: (Over comms.) Yes, sir!

(However, as the fighters move in for the attack, they realize these defenders are proving to be good fliers, and even though they don’t attack well, every shot somehow hits its target.)

Xerk: How is this possible?!

(As it turns out, Hozher is using the Force to give the defenders strength. He sails past in his ship, taking out a fighter with a nearby asteroid. Two fighters try to charge and crash into him from his port and starboard sides, but he accelerates out of the way, causing both fighters to crash into each other.)

Xerk: Grrr! STOP HIM!

(Every fighter aside from Xerk chase the lone Jedi ship, but neglect to watch their tails. The defenders swoop in and attack, destroying several of the fighters.)

Xerk: ARGH, FORGET IT! JUST DESTROY THEM ALL!

Fighters: (Over comms.) Yes, sir!

(Cuts back to Baghead, who stands evenly six feet away from Krask, who has crawled out of the alley.)

Baghead: What problems?

Krask: While I was in the alley, I heard you complain about your comm jam, and then I saw your droid be wrecked-(sees Baghead’s lightsaber.) ... Are you a Jedi?

Baghead: Well, I’m a padawan, but if you can answer my problems, then I suppose I could level with you.

Krask: Don’t worry, all Ferdangans are on your side, myself included.

Baghead: I need to open a comm to Grennish, or if it’s possible, Corukan Prime, so we can get help from the Republic. But you can fix my droid?

Krask: Indeed, and point you to an unblockable comm channel.

Baghead: Are you sure I can trust you?

Krask: I would be dead above the skies if I was a Ferdango Fighter.

Baghead: I suppose. I’ll leave my broken droid with you, if that’s all right.

Krask: Of course. The comm channel can be accessed in the Ferdango Military Center, only two klicks away.

Baghead: Thank you. Do you have a place you can fix Arr-Seven?

Krask: I used to, before the fighters took my mechanics shop.

Baghead: Well, since every fighter is up there, I think it’s safe to say your shop is clear.

Krask: Thank you, Jedi, and good luck.

(As Krask drags the “corpse” of R7-A1 away, Baghead starts to run away, but stops.)

Baghead: (Shouting to Krask.) WAIT, WHICH WAY IS THE MILITARY CENTER?!

Krask: (Shouting back.) THE WAY YOU WERE JUST RUNNING!

Baghead: (To himself.) Oh, that was easy. (Runs off.)

(Meanwhile, some council members inspect the wreckage of the Corukan Prime comm tower.)

Peda Screelada: (Scratches her head.) Why would someone destroy our comm towers and run off?

Blask Dindoo: This wasn’t just anyone. This was the work of the Ferdango Fighters, and they destroyed our towers to block us from something.

Fist Medisto: A battle!

Leela Loccura: But where?

Blask Dindoo: Well, we must find out! Peda, take the 3rd battalion and check our system. (Peda runs off.) Leela, go to our galactic map and see which planets we can confirm have no war, then send forces and Jedi to the rest. (She in turn goes another direction.) Fist, recall Master Potts. Us three will be going into the belly of the beast.

(Scene cuts to a desolate and barren street. Suddenly, a big flash of light sweeps straight through the street road. Cuts to another angle where the light reveals to be Baghead running extremely fast.)

Baghead: (Inside his head.) Wow! This training has really paid off! I hope I don’t overdo it, though.

(Without him noticing until the last millisecond, he slams straight into the side of the Military Center.)

Baghead: Oww…

(He falls backwards, but almost immediately gets up.)

Baghead: At least I’m here.

(He goes in to find it empty. The comm channel access device is straight ahead.)

Baghead: Ah, that was easy.

(He goes up to it and turns it on, but it sputters and a negative chime comes out of it.)

Baghead: I know all the comms are blocked. That’s why I’m here!

(He fiddles with it for a minute, but then another negative chime comes out.)

Baghead: Ugh, I need a slicer droid. Guess I’ll wait for Krask to-

(Baghead’s personal comm chimes.)

Baghead: (Turns the comm on.) Ahoy-oy.

Hozher: (Through comm.) Baghead, fighters are landing! Have you commed the council?

Baghead: I’m working on it!

Hozher: Well be careful!

Nearby person: HEY!

(Baghead turns around to see a squad of fighters storm in.)

Baghead: (To Hozher.) Gotcha, thanks. (Turns off the comm.) Alright, at least I have some way to bide the time.

(Elsewhere, Hozher lands on Ferdango. Fighters land around him.)

Hozher: Hm. A personal challenge. Accepted.

(He jumps out and activates his lightsaber just as the Ferdangans exit their ships. A splitscreen shows up, cutting in between Hozher’s storyline and Baghead’s. In sync, both Jedi do the same moves while disarming their respective squads. Finally, Hozher’s screen goes away as Baghead disarms his last fighter. Krask comes into the room with a repaired R7-A1.)

Krask: Arr-Seven Ay-One is fully fixed.

Baghead: Good, cuz I need him to help me out here.

(R7 rolls to the comm device and slices into the system. A chime pings from it and R7 says something.)

Krask: The channel is open!

(Baghead runs to the comm device and puts the speaking end up to his ear.)

Baghead: Grennish, this is Padawan Sacrem Fygarius Brown of the Jedi Order. Relay this to the council. Ferdango is erupting into war. Please send reinforcements as soon as possible. Repeat-

Krask: Just end the call before the fighters do!

(Baghead does so. Hozher runs in.)

Hozher: The leader is under attack!

Baghead: Ugh, can’t we get a break?!

(Cuts to the quartet running to the planet capital. They make it there and run inside. The Ferdango Leader is surrendering.)

Baghead: NO SURRENDER!

(The fighters move away to reveal Xerk.)

Xerk: Ah, the padawan. So good to meet you. Perhaps you can surrender with him, too.

Baghead: I don’t think so.

(A large sound is heard from outside. Both factions are startled by it and run outside. Fleets upon fleets of Republic ships emerge from hyperspace.)

Baghead: Wait, they sent too many!

Hozher: There must have been two orders to attack here.

(Xerk slips away to talk into his holoprojector again, this time speaking to one of his own soldiers.)

Xerk: Colonel Junders.

Colonel Junder: General. What are your orders?

Xerk: Recall all remaining fighters. Project War has begun.

Colonel Junders: Yes, sir.

(Back to the others.)

Krask: This will be chaos.

Baghead: So what do we do?

Hozher: We make sure we aren’t caught in the middle.

(Hozher begins to walk off.)

Baghead: Are we separating again?

Hozher: No, I’m just getting my ship. Get yours too. You’ll need it.

(Hozher keeps walking.)

Hozher: Our worst fear has been realized. The War on Ferdango has begun.

## Part 4: Brightened Shadows

(Up in space, a large Republic ship takes the front of the fleet. Inside the ship, a blue-skinned man in a white uniform and his back turned to the screen talks to his assistant.)

Man: It is time for the Titanium Swan to attack. Open fire.

Assistant: Yes, Grand Admiral Trawn.

(The assistant walks away. Cuts to around a moment later in space. The Titanium Swan begins shooting all cannons at the fighters. Back inside Trawn’s ship.)

Assistant: Sir, shouldn’t we lower our rate of fire? We shouldn’t waste our weaponry on small fries.

Trawn: You underestimate the length of my plan, commodore.

Commodore: Apologies, sir.

Trawn: No hard feelings. Just watch.

(Thousands of “small fries” emerge from hyperspace exactly where the Titanium Swan is firing, immediately incinerating the first to emerge. Trawn turns around and walks away. His face is blue and with well-chiseled features, and his eyes shine a gleaming red.)

Trawn: My siding with the Republic has shown very fruitful and fortunate.

(For the first time in part four, the scene cuts to Baghead, Hozher, R7, and Krask.)

Hozher: We might as well make ourselves useful. Let’s try to get on the Obliterator and finish it off.

Baghead: But how will we get up? All we have is my ship.

Hozher: I can take the leader’s ship again. He’s not using it.

Krask: Uh…

(Krask points to the leader taking his ship into space.)

Hozher: That complicates things. I suppose we could do what we always do: jack a few spaceships before they crash. Like that one.

(Hozher uses the Force to freeze a failing ship into place and lower it safely to the ground. He quickly fixes the ship’s problems as well.)

Hozher: Krask, I don’t know you, but take this one.

(The woozy Ferdango Fighter in the ship tries to get out. Baghead grabs him with the Force and flings him onto the windshield of a perfectly good ship, causing it to spiral out of control and make an emergency landing. Baghead flings both fighter pilots away.)

Baghead: Guess you could take this one, master.

Hozher: Thank you, padawan.

(Baghead takes his ship key and presses the “recall button”. The ship goes to him.)

Baghead: Had these made while waiting for you, master.

Hozher: Hmm.

Baghead: Well, let’s do this!

(Everyone gets into their ships and lift off. Meanwhile, Xerk boards the Obliterator. Another fighter rushes to meet him at the docking port. The airlock hisses open and Xerk saunters into the mothership.)

Xerk: Corporate Jericaje, you’d better not fail me like the last guy.

Jericaje: I have not, sir. The reinforcements you called on-

Xerk: They are not (mockingly) reinforcements. They are just more soldiers!

Jericaje: Riiight. Anyway, (clears throat) the (emphasizing sarcastically) “more soldiers” you called on have evened the battlefield. We’ve even tipped the war in our favor.

Xerk: Excellent, but no war is won in a day. We don’t need to win a war today. My master’s plans insist upon it. Just win the battle.

Jericaje: Yes, sir!

(They both walk to the bridge. Cuts to the four heroes in space, drifting toward the Obliterator somehow unnoticed.)

Baghead: Where is everyone?

Hozher: On Ferdango. There is no reason for them to be up here. They want the planet, not the skies surrounding it.

(But there are still a few ships, shown when Baghead is surprisingly hit by a few shots, causing him and R7-A1 to soar back down to Ferdango.)

Hozher: Padawan! Remember your training.

(Inside Baghead’s ship, alarms go off and the ship itself is spiraling out of control. Surprisingly, Baghead is calm, steadily breathing and resting his eyes. Slowly, he holds up his hand, and the ship stops, not moving an inch closer to Ferdango. Baghead then lowers his hand, again slowly, and the ship, bit by bit, lands on the ground. Baghead puts down his hand. Back up to Hozher, who somehow knows what happened.)

Hozher: Good work, padawan.

(Switches quickly to Baghead, who, along with R7, gets out of the ship, obviously wrecked. Baghead’s bag is torn, but none of his face is shown.)

Baghead: Good work, me-

(Suddenly, the ship explodes, erupting in a smoky orange cloud of shrapnel and fire. Baghead, who was looking at the ship at the time of explosion, is flung back, his bag setting on fire and shrapnel hitting his bare face, which still isn’t shown. He screams in pain. R7, noticing Baghead’s in immediate danger, speeds toward his current owner and picks him up using his metal dome. Baghead, still in pain, tries to put out the fire on his face while R7-A1 rolls him away from the damage. Large pieces of shrapnel bombard the little droid’s body as they flee the wreckage, dodging war everywhere, until finally they see Krask’s shop. R7 carts Baghead in, putting him down and caring for his injuries. Baghead’s face is, again, not shown.)

Baghead: MY FACE! MY BEAUTIFUL, USUALLY CONCEALED FACE!

(He grabs a tiny cartridge from his sash. He opens it and takes out a tiny folded up brown paper. He unfolds it, revealing it to be another bag, and puts it on his head.)

Baghead: Much better. Thank you, Arr-Seven. You are a true friend.

(Meanwhile, Hozher and Krask make it onto the ship. Cuts to a view of the bridge. Xerk, Junders, and Jericaje notice a button blinking on the dashboard. Junders reaches to hit the button, but Xerk slaps it away.)

Xerk: I’m the leader! I hit the button!

(Junders rolls his eyes as Xerk hits the button. A screen lights up and shows a security camera view of Hozher and Krask landing on the Obliterator, enraging Xerk.)

Xerk: They don’t quit! They just don’t quit! (To Junders and Jericaje.) MEN! You have your orders! I’ll deal with these two myself!

(Back on the ground, R7 tends to Baghead’s face, which is still offscreen. R7 whistles a question.)

Baghead: What do we do now? Simple. Arr-Seven, you and I are the acting generals of the Ferdangan Ground Force.

(R7 whistles another question.)

Baghead: So, let’s lead the army!

(Both jump out of Krask’s shop. Baghead turns on his lightsaber.)

Baghead: Let’s take out the trash.

(Baghead and R7 charge at the crowd of Ferdangans conveniently right in front of them. Baghead disarms and literally “disarms” the fighters, and R7 shocks fighters one by one. Soon, everyone in the crowd is either unconscious or writhing in pain on the ground.)

Baghead: We’re back and better than ever!

(Meanwhile, three Jedi ships, one green, one purple, and one brown and yellow, come out of hyperspace. Zooms in on Blask Dindoo, who sees the war on Ferdango, chaos that is somewhat artistic.)

Blask Dindoo: My hunch was right. Medisto, are you ready for this?

Fist Medisto: (Through ship comm.) Yes.

Blask Dindoo: Potts?

Potts: (Through ship comm.) Always.

Blask Dindoo: Then let’s take out the trash.

(Back to Baghead and R7. They tear through fighters and give the defenders more strength. R7 notices something and beeps. Baghead looks the same way R7 is, deflecting blaster bolts without looking. What he is looking at is a purple ship landing and Blask Dindoo jumping out, doing a flip, landing next to Baghead, and deflecting blaster bolts in tandem with Baghead.)

Blask Dindoo: Brown! Where is Master Hozher?

Baghead: He’s up on the mothership.

Blask Dindoo: Join him! We have it under control here!

Baghead: Yes, master. (To R7.) Find us a ship and come find me. I’ll keep fighting.

(R7 nods and rolls away. Baghead jumps over the crowd and charges into the leader’s throne room, where he’s cowering in fear behind his chair.)

Baghead: Your highness, where are the battle scenarios?

Leader: (Shakily points a finger toward a door in his castle.) In there.

Baghead: Thank you.

(He runs in and puts the current battle scenario on the screen. He looks it over.)

Baghead: Okay, they need more help on the left side. Gotcha!

(As he runs out, a purple dot appears in the center command post, a green one appears on the right flank, and a brown one appears on the left. Meanwhile, Baghead makes it to the left flank. He sees all the bodies on the ground and turns into a fiery ball of anger, mercilessly slicing through Ferdangans and throwing them off a nearby cliff. Suddenly, one hits him from behind and Baghead falls to the ground, making his lightsaber roll away. A fighter walks up with a staff, an energy point on the end of it. The fighter readies the staff to stab Baghead, when a blur causes the fighter to lose his staff, be thrown like a ragdoll over the cliff. The blur stops, revealing it to be the third Jedi, the one called Potts. His back is to Baghead as he deactivates his purple lightsaber.)

Potts: Do not let anger cloud your mind. If you keep calm, your performance will be its own revenge.

Baghead: (Starting to get up.) Who are you?

Potts: My name is Potts. (Turns around to look at Baghead.) Nordic Potts.

Baghead: Thank you for the save, Master Potts. You have no idea how many saves I've had since this big thing happened.

Nordic: I think I do.

(R7, who has found the ship Baghead needs, lands it next to him. Baghead gets in.)

Baghead: Well, thanks again. I won’t forget your advice.

Nordic: You’re welcome, Sacrem.

Baghead: It’s Baghead. And how did you know my name?

Nordic: Your friend just whistled it.

(Baghead, confused, nods and lifts off.)

Baghead: Uh, R7?

(R7 beeps.)

Baghead: Don’t ever call me Sacrem again.

(A few minutes later, Baghead boards the Obliterator. He and R7 find Hozher and Krask, fighting off fighters through the halls of the mothership, and the duo join the other duo. Krask has a blaster, and is using it well.)

Hozher: How nice of you to join us.

Baghead: Hey, I can’t choose if I get hit by a turbolaser and my ship explodes.

Krask: Exploded?!

Hozher: Are you alright?

Baghead: Just some major face damage. I’ll be fine.

Hozher: Baghead. You have experienced a lot today, and I want you to know that I’m proud of you. You are strong, and I admire that.

Baghead: Thank you, master, but credit R7, too. He saved my life.

Hozher: He did now, did he? (To R7.) Thank you for saving my padawan, R7. You have been a good droid, and I want you to be commended the minute we return to Corukan Prime.

(R7 humbly beeps.)

Hozher: Now, let’s end this war before it starts.

(A fighter dodges everyone’s attacks and tackles Baghead through a door. The door is revealed to be a door to a bar. Baghead, unfazed, disarms his opponent and throws him right back out the door. Baghead notices he’s gotten the attention of everyone in the bar.)

Baghead: Bag head business. Go back to your drinks.

(He walks out the door, and the fighters, instead of getting up and fighting, do what Baghead says, and just keep drinking. Back out in the hallway, all of the fighters have been dealt with. The four heroes start walking over the bodies and toward the bridge, but they stop when they hear clapping. Xerk emerges from the smoky shadows, clapping sarcastically.)

Xerk: Well done, your four. I couldn’t have done a better job myself. Unfortunately, I have to kill you all now.

Krask: Not if we have anything to say about it!

(He leaps at Xerk, but Xerk takes out a disintegration gun and shoots Krask with it. Krask, who is in midair when shot, disintegrates instantly, his dusty remains lightly falling to the floor.)

Baghead: NO!

(He is about to take out his anger on Xerk, when he remembers Nordic’s quick lesson. Baghead takes a few deep breaths, then poises his lightsaber over his head.)

Baghead: You’ll pay for that.

Xerk: Ah, I finally get to meet the small fry. (Takes out an energy staff and turns it on. The entire staff, short of the part Xerk is holding, lights up in pink light, contrasting with the cool blue coming out of Baghead’s lightsaber.) I'm going to enjoy this.

Hozher: You can do this, padawan.

(Hozher and R7 watch as Baghead and Xerk duke it out, blades crossing every which way, neither seeming to get an edge on the other. The blades cross and stay crossed as both try to push their way through the opposing blade.)

Xerk: The small fry is strong. I didn’t expect that.

Baghead: There are a lot of things you don’t expect. (To the other two members of his party.) Hang onto something. (To Xerk.) Hey, (mockingly) Xerk the Destroyer, have you noticed where we are?

Xerk: The escape pod room?

Baghead: No. The place where Hozher released an escape pod and left an unfilled airlock.

(Baghead presses the “open airlock” button with the Force, and the airlock opens, sucking everything it can into space, including Baghead, Xerk, and unfortunately, Krask’s remains, but before Baghead can be sucked into space, R7 releases a cable from his insides, catching Baghead and reeling him in. Xerk, however, is sucked into space, and as he freezes and suffocates to death, Baghead closes the airlock. With Xerk dead, everyone cheers.)

Baghead: Master Dindoo arrived with reinforcements. We’ve stopped this war.

Hozher: That remains to be seen.

(Suddenly, the ship shudders.)

Baghead: That can’t be good.

(The trio look out into space in horror as the mothership goes into hyperspace.)

Hozher: They've put the ship in lightspeed!

Baghead: We’ve gotta stop them!

(They run into the bridge to find Junders and Jericaje at the helm.)

Baghead: HALT!

Jericaje: You’re too late. Our master’s plans have been carried out.

Hozher: Xerk is dead.

Junders: Not that master.

(The ship comes out of hyperspace in front of a volcanic planet.)

Hozher: No.

Baghead: What? What is it?

Hozher: We’re at Morriban.

Baghead: Morriban? What’s that?

Hozher: The Sith planet. (Turns around to talk to Baghead.) The place where Jedi go to die.

**Written and Dir-**

(The credits quickly stop again and Baghead comes out.)

Baghead: Come on, guys, there’s another big episode left! Stop being so quick to end this thing!

(He leaves. Cuts to Ferdango. Blask Dindoo and the forces he’s leading watch as the mothership leaves the atmosphere. Blask and the others cheer-)

Nordic: Hold on! He still has soldiers!

Blask Dindoo: But we have leaders.

(The defenders surround the fighters, and the fighters lay down their weapons and surrender. Cuts to the trio on the Obliterator.)

Blask Dindoo: (Through comm.) Master Hozher, the Ferdangans have surrendered. We have won the day.

Hozher: (Not in the comm.) Not yet, we haven’t.

## Part 5: Endgame

(Hozher uses the Force to throw Junders into Jericaje, knocking out the latter, but Junders throws himself at R7-A1, who screams and spins around before finally falling over, damaging the dashboard of the ship. Alarms sound as the ship dips its nose into the atmosphere, causing the Obliterator to soar toward the lava oceans below. The ship starts burning up.)

Baghead: We need to go! NOW!

(The trio scramble to get to the airlock room. Baghead smashes the button that opens the escape pod and the group jumps in. Hozher hits the button as the nose of the Obliterator dunks itself into the lava. Cuts to the outside of the mothership. As the behemoth buries itself in the ocean of face-melting magma, a small escape pod ejects from the side and lands on the dark and rocky ground, being the only part of the ship to survive the fiery end of Xerk’s flagship. The door opens and the three step out and watch the back of the ship be enveloped by the orange sea.)

Baghead: Well, looks like those officers are gonna get fired, huh? (Laughs, but no one laughs along, so he eventually stops.)

Hozher: We need to get off this planet.

Baghead: But if the Ferdangans wanted to come here, something important must be going on!

Hozher: That doesn’t matter anymore. Our part in this has ceased. What matters now is getting off this dark planet and going back to Corukan Prime.

Baghead: I guess.

(Silence, then something catches Baghead’s eye.)

Baghead: Hey, there’s a ship over there! (Points to a landing pad with a small freighter a few miles away.) We can use it to get out of here!

Hozher: (Sees it.) Oh, no. Someone else is here. If we don’t get out of here, we might have a dark problem.

Baghead: ...Sooo we’re not gonna steal the ship?

Hozher: Oh, we’re gonna steal the ship.

Baghead: Alright. Well, we might wanna steal it soon, because this rock is sinking.

(It is indeed sinking.)

Hozher: Get off this thing now!

Baghead: Yes, master!

(The trio jump off the rock and onto another, but then realize that one is sinking too.)

Baghead: AW, GIVE US A BREAK!

(They keep jumping onto different rocks, but find all are sinking.)

Hozher: There!

(Hozher points to the ground surrounding a massive volcano, which is the unfortunate site of the ship they need to escape. The group makes their way there. Baghead makes it first, then Hozher.)

Baghead: Hey, where’s R7?

(At that instant, R7 blazes past the two and starts flying up the volcano.)

Baghead: What the heck is he doing?!

Hozher: Go after him!

Baghead: But I can’t fly!

Hozher: I didn’t expect you to.

(Hozher uses the Force to fling Baghead toward R7.)

Baghead: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

(Baghead manages to hold on barely to R7, who lets out a surprised beep.)

Baghead: Just get to the top before I SLIP!

(R7 beeps, but Baghead’s weight is pushing R7 down, causing him to let out a labored chime.)

Baghead: Yeah yeah! Now get us up!

(R7 gets Baghead to the top of the volcano. Rumbling is heard and the two of them shake.)

Baghead: This might not have been the best idea.

(They realize Hozher is still at the bottom of the volcano.)

Baghead: (Shouting down to him.) WHAT ABOUT YOU?!

Hozher: (Shouting back.) I CAN TAKE CARE OF IT!

(Without another word, Hozher jumps swiftly to the top of the volcano, doing a flip and landing between Baghead and R7.)

Baghead: Cool.

Hozher: Now, where is that ship?

(They look behind them to see it inches away from where they’re standing.)

Baghead: Hm, convenient.

(However, as they walk toward the ship, the volcano rumbles again and the landing pad floor opens up, causing the trio to fall through.)

Baghead: NOT CONVENIENT! SO NOT CONVENIENT!

(After enveloping the trespassers into its maw, the landing pad floor closes. Cuts to black, then the activation of two blue lightsabers fills the dark with blue light. Baghead and Hozher get up, not seeing R7 until realizing he never landed. They look up to see R7 using his boosters to lessen his fall, shown when he lightly floats to the ground.)

Baghead: Where are we?

Hozher: I don’t know, padawan. I don’t know.

(Cuts to them lightly walking through the strange catacombs. Baghead stops.)

Baghead: What’s that sound?

(Hozher and R7 stop now too.)

Hozher: What sound?

Baghead: If I knew, I probably wouldn’t have asked.

Hozher: No, I mean, you heard a noise?

Baghead: Yeah, like a faint squeaking sound.

(Baghead looks around, before suddenly being faced by a small winged creature.)

Baghead: BAAAAAAAAT! KNOCK ITS BLOCK OFF!

(Baghead starts running in circles and swinging his lightsaber around trying to catch the bat, but eventually he faceplants straight into the wall, which erupts in a metal clang.)

Baghead: Ow! Wait, what was that sound?

Hozher: That, I might know the answer to.

(He goes up to the wall and knocks on it three times. All three times the knocks make metal clangs.)

Hozher: This catacomb is man-made.

Baghead: Do you know how old it is?

Hozher: I’m not sure, but judging by the fact there’s no rust, I’d say it’s recent. That, or the person who built this takes good care of their walls.

Baghead: Well why would anyone be here anyway?! THE SITH HAVE BEEN GONE FOR A CENTURY!

(The word “century” echoes through the metal tunnel.)

Hozher: (Whispering.) I suggest you keep your voice down.

(Meanwhile, someone looks on a computer for the outcome of the Ferdango battle. Throughout this entire scene you cannot see more than the person’s right arm and green right hand. When seeing that the battle was won by the Jedi and the planned war was snuffed out in one fight, the person gets really mad, smashing things and throwing the laptop against the wall. The person growls, but then hears the echo Baghead accidentally made.)

Person: Hmm.

(The person grabs something and leaves the room they were in. Cuts back to the trio, now being extremely quiet as they creep through the halls, the only sound being the near-silent whirring of R7’s leg wheels. Faint rumbling from the volcano is heard. Eventually, they notice a fork in the tunnel. Baghead picks it up.)

Baghead: Hey, someone dropped their fork! Oh, and also there’s a fork in the tunnel.

(The single tunnel breaks into three directions: straight, diagonally to the left, and diagonally to the right.)

Hozher: Do we split up?

Baghead: Are you nuts?

Hozher: Excuse me?

Baghead: Can we stop asking questions?

Hozher: Will you answer my question?

(R7 literally blows a fuse, causing both men to look at him. After confirming that he’s okay. They continue.)

Baghead: Splitting up means death. Every horror movie from the last fifty years has established it.

Hozher: Then which way do you expect we go?

(Baghead turns on his lightsaber and jams it into the ceiling, carving a hole into the ceiling.)

Baghead: Up.

(He rips the carved part of the ceiling out and lava starts oozing down, prompting Baghead to quickly plug the hole with the ceiling piece.)

Baghead: Never mind. Let’s just go right.

(The word “right” echoes through the hall.)

Hozher: (Whispering, a bit annoyed.) Left it is.

(The trio goes down the left path. Zooms in on the ceiling piece, which is letting lava drip from it. Catching up to the three heroes’ storyline, Baghead takes the front as he cautiously tiptoes through the hallway.)

Hozher: Padawan, what are you doing?

Baghead: Being cautious. Didn’t you read the event brackets?

Hozher: I meant why.

Baghead: In all those horror movies, there’s always at least one direction that’s bad news.

Hozher: Eh, maybe, but I doubt it’s our direction.

(The trio turn the corner and Baghead bumps arms with a man clad in black with green hands and a green face [though all that’s shown is their chin]. They are holding a small metal tube with a detailed exterior.)

Baghead: Oh, so sorry, sir.

Sir: No, it’s my fault, I was walking too close to the-

(All four freeze.)

Everyone: Wait…

(Cuts to the plugged ceiling hole. The piece falls out and gallons of lava spill into the tunnel. Back to the four.)

Baghead: Who are you?

Sir: That’s none of your concern. What you should be doing right now is writing your WILL!

Baghead: Well, I’d hoped you’d be nice, but apparently it won’t be so.

Hozher: Baghead, we gotta go.

Baghead: What, because this guy wants to kill us? He’s, like, the fiftieth guy that wants to kill us that we’ve met today! We can take him!

Sir: HEY!

Hozher: That wasn’t what I was talking about.

(Hozher and Baghead turn around to see the corridor behind them filling with lava.)

Baghead: Ah, I see.

(Cuts straight to the four running away from the lava.)

Baghead: (To the sir.) Wait, why are you running with us? Didn’t you want to kill us?

Sir: Oh yeah.

(But before the sir can do anything, Baghead Force-pushes him into the wall, running away before the sir can get up.)

Baghead: That should delay him for a while.

Hozher: We have to get to that ship before he can get to us.

Baghead: Get us? He didn’t even have a weapon!

Hozher: He did, Padawan, and unlike you, I saw what it was.

(They make it to the end of the corridor to find the room the sir was in before.)

Baghead: Argh, a dead end! I told you we should’ve gone right!

Hozher: This isn’t the end of the line for us, my apprentice!

Baghead: (Gasp.) Of course!

(He turns on his lightsaber and carves a hole into the ceiling. The ceiling piece drops and lava starts flowing in.)

Baghead: I hate myself.

(Lava starts filling the room and lava flows into the room from the corridor.)

Hozher: No, I mean look!

(An emergency ladder is put into view.)

Baghead: Ohhh! You could’ve told me at first, though.

Hozher: No time!

(Hozher scales the ladder and R7 jets up the chute using his boosters. Baghead grabs onto some rungs and starts climbing, but then he spots the sir running toward them. Baghead gets up to the surface to find the volcano they’re standing on shaking violently, so loud that Baghead can barely hear Hozher.)

Hozher: BAGHEAD, GET TO THE SHIP!

Baghead: I WAS GOING TO DO THAT! THE MEAN GUY’S COMING!

(Baghead follows R7 onto the ship. The landing pad opens up, hoping to swallow the characters again, but fails in doing so: Baghead and R7 jump over the hole and get on the ship before it can grow bigger. Hozher stands outside as the volcano reaches the peak of its anger.)

Baghead: MASTER, GET ON THE SHIP!

Hozher: NO, PADAWAN. GET BACK TO CORUKAN PRIME WITHOUT ME.

Baghead: OH, FOR LUCAS’ SAKE!

(Baghead Force-pulls Hozher onto the ship.)

Hozher: Are you crazy?! We couldn’t leave that guy alive!

Baghead: If we can’t get this ship off the ground, none of us will be alive! Take co-pilot!

(Hozher slips into the co-pilot seat.)

Baghead: Let’s start this thing up!

(Baghead presses the start button, but the engine sputters and grinds, not moving at all.)

Baghead: Okay, one tiny problem.

(The ships shakes.)

Baghead: R7, we need you!

(R7 rolls up to the front of the ship and starts working on the engine, desperately trying to fix it before the volcano kills them all. Suddenly, an alarm sounds from a scanner.)

Baghead: Something’s trying to cut into the ship!

Hozher: Padawan, you don’t understand. This man’s-

(The ship starts up.)

Baghead: YES! Thank you, Arr-Seven!

(Hozher runs out the cockpit doors.)

Baghead: MASTER!

(Baghead follows him. The two Jedi freeze in place as soon as they go into the back of the ship. It is foggy and hard to see.)

Baghead: What’s going on?!

(The sir is revealed in the foggy dark as he ignites his crimson red lightsaber slowly.)

Baghead: A Sith.

Sith Sir: You must be the annoying Jedi who stopped my attack on Ferdango.

Baghead: Xerk is dead, greenie! I killed him myself!

Sith Sir: Bragging about your kills isn't the Jedi way. You must be punished.

(The Sith Sir starts advancing on the master and apprentice duo.)

Hozher: Baghead, go pilot the ship!

Baghead: But-

Hozher: DO IT, PADAWAN! THAT’S AN ORDER!

Baghead: (Emotional.) Yes, sir.

(Baghead gets into the cockpit and takes the pilot seat.)

Baghead: R7, help me get this thing into the air!

(The ground shakes as Baghead lifts the ship off the ground, R7 tinkering with it in the process. As the ship goes many kilometers of the ground, the Sith Sir and Hozher duel in the back, many things spilling out of the aircraft through the lightsaber-made hole in the hull. Hozher and the Sith Sir seem to be evenly matched, yet both’s skills are damaged by the twisting and turning ship. A loud rumbling echoes as the two sides lock blades.)

Sith Sir: THE JEDI WILL BE NO MORE!

Hozher: You’re half right. The other half is wrong.

(Hozher successfully kicks the Sith Sir out of the hole. He sails down to the ground, but never makes it: the volcano erupts in a blaze of smoke and lava, engulfing the man in fiery fate.)

Hozher: I’ll let you decide which half it was.

(Hozher runs into the cockpit.)

Hozher: Baghead, get us away from this volcano!

Baghead: Gotcha!

(Baghead veers the ship away from the lava stream, which strangely has shot straight up into the air. The ship makes it out of atmosphere and jumps into hyperspace.)

**Wri-**

(The credits freeze and Baghead comes out again.)

Baghead: Okay, this is starting to get annoying. We still have some more to watch. The end of the story is coming. Now let’s get back to the show.

(Cuts to Corukan Prime. The comm tower is being rebuilt. Fades into the Jedi council room, where Baghead, Hozher, and R7 stand respectfully. R7 has a gold medal on his body. Blask Dindoo is not there.)

Fist Medisto: Despite the fact Master Dindoo is absent for injury treatment, he sends his thanks for a job well done.

Yennix: Stopped, a war was, before it got ugly.

Leela Loccura: We, too, are very thankful for your actions in stopping the return of the Sith.

FIst Medisto: We also send our condolences to you three for those brave heroes who died helping you.

Baghead: Krask and R8 did their part. They will be missed.

Fist Medisto: You are dismissed.

(The trio leave. Cuts to all three standing on a balcony.)

Hozher: You have experienced a lot this week.

Baghead: I know.

Hozher: I’m proud of you, Baghead, for how you handled it all.

Baghead: Thank you, master.

(Silence.)

Baghead: So what’s next?

Hozher: R7 will be passed to some other owners.

Baghead: What?

Hozher: He is needed elsewhere.

(Baghead hesitates, then engulfs him in a giant hug.)

Baghead: (Wet smudges appearing on his bag near his eyes.) Goodbye, old friend.

(Hozher, despite disliking emotional gestures, leaves the two to their moment. Baghead gets up, the wet area on his bag growing.)

Baghead: So what about us?

Hozher: The council is stationing us in a town in the Socialaxy.

Baghead: Which one?

Hozher: Candleville.

(The trio turn back toward the horizon and watch the sun set.)

Hozher: This next leg of our life journey will be tough.

(Zooms in on Baghead.)

Baghead: Indeed.

(The screen pauses. Baghead walks out.)

Baghead: Okay, now you can play the credits.

**Directed by Baghead11**
Written by Baghead11

Starring (in order of appearance):

Baghead11

Baghead11

R7-A1.exe

Baghead11

Baghead11

Baghead11

With Baghead11 as Sith Sir

And Nordic as himself

## Epilogue: A Few Later

(The scene fades to the Jedi Temple hangar. White letters on the screen spell “Epilogue: A Few Years later”. Baghead lands his orange ship, now remade. Yennix meets him there.)

Baghead: Hello there, Master Yennix.

Yennix: Hello, Sacrem.

Baghead: Baghead.

Yennix: Whatever. Anyway, someone who wants to see you, we have.

(Lowered from offscreen is R7, a little beat up but otherwise okay. Baghead’s eyes widen and fill with tears, then wraps the little droid in a big hug.

Baghead: Good to see you, old friend.

(R7 whistles, a bit somberly.)

Baghead: (Crying and sniffling.) Hozher’s dead, pal.

(A bit of oil leaks from R7’s eye. He beeps.)

Baghead: What now? You come to live with me.

(R7 sounds a happy beep. Zooms out on the duo hugging.)