Ehsan

Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air

In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys who were up to no good
Started making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'

I begged and pleaded with her day after day
But she packed my suit case and sent me on my way
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket.
I put my Walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'.

First class, yo this is bad
Drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass.
Is this what the people of Bel-Air living like?
Hmmmmm this might be alright.

But wait I hear they're prissy, bourgeois, all that
Is this the type of place that they just send this cool cat?
I don't think so
I'll see when I get there
I hope they're prepared for the prince of Bel-Air

Well, the plane landed and when I came out
There was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out
I ain't trying to get arrested yet
I just got here
I sprang with the quickness like lightning, disappeared

I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I could say that this cab was rare
But I thought 'Nah, forget it' - 'Yo, homes to Bel Air'

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air

## Commentary on Ehsan

In a D2 poll, it was empirically determined that he is in fact, not a bully, but really kind of just wishes he was. Some people do genuinely find him intimidating though.

## Quotes from Ehsan

* "I live near an elementary school, which is really convenient"
* "No, Mex, last time, you and Atmora double teamed me."
* "I'm not a racist, I voted for Obama!"
* "Life is like a bowl of watermelons, any moment a black man may appear and take it all away"
* "I don't fucking swear you fuckers! ...Oh fuck I just swore."
* "I kinda wanna see more butts getting stabbed"
* "Whenever I play with myself I'm pretty quiet but when I'm with people I like to talk."
* "At 20 I talk about butts every day."
* "I don't wanna play with myself."
* "Want me to get my Aigis figure and play with it?"
* "Criminals come from black people."
* "I pooped the bed."
* "Why don't kids in wheelchairs stand up for themselves?"
* "Small ones don't feel so great."
* "Wanna hear my story about how I got a free bagel? I stole it."
* "It feels really good when I beat it"
* "I was worried people were going to say I was taking too long"
* "I have sweaty balls"
* "I'd play with Atmora's toilet"
* "It's okay for 16 year olds to creep on 9 year old girls."
* "I just think that there are some inferior races"
* "It's Rhianna's fault because she got back together with Chris Brown"
* "Sometimes, you just need to go full-blown furry."
* "Black people can't drink out of the toilet."
* "I chose to ignore that just like the civil rights movement"
* "I put my fist in her like the civil rights sign"
* "Why do people think I'm gay?"
* "I swear to God if I see another baby on the streets, I'm going to kick it into the freeway!"
* "Please Luigi, I'm trying to blow him"
* "I blame all the countless yaoi I read."
* "If a fisherman offers you a rod, you accept."
* "PC, You have to leave me alone with Donkey Kong. You know what I'm gonna do"
* "White people shouldn't be slaves, that's only for black people"
* "The only good girl is a dead girl"
* "Can you honestly say you haven't eaten ass?"

"No. I mean, I don't know."

* "Hey Keely, I'll sleep in your bed for 20$?"
* "Why don't you suck dicks?"

"BECAUSE I CAN'T SUCK AS MANY AS YOU!"

* "Having crabs is a life decision."
* "I like the fact our country is free, except for black people"
* "Crap out of my mouth"
* "When it gets preachy I get turned off, but when it has to do with a man..."
* "When God created the first black man he said, "Crap, I burnt one.""
* "I kind of like shooting the African zombies more"
* "I just love smoking weed"
* "Oh geez! I just sprayed it all over Cooking Mama's face"
* "Is this a good time to bring up that I don't like Asians?"
* "Why can I not stop inflating?"
* "I don't wanna be tied up, I'm not a black man"
* "My favorite scene was Saber riding Shiro."
* "It got bigger as it went on"
* "You're too long!"
* "aren't all people in China named Jackie Chan?"
* "I'm doing two minors right now"