Cold Ramen: S01E03

Fantasy Battle Match-ups: Clocko and Julius vs. Zack and Cloud is the third episode of the Cold Ramen series. The plot involves Julius being made fun of by Zack and Cloud every year because of an embarrassing moment. Clocko decides to step in and help Julius by erasing the moment from the timestream, but Zack and Cloud don't want that. The episode takes place during the second year of The Modern Times.

Time Lord Clocko and Julius attempt to delete an embarassing moment from the timestream, but Zack and Cloud don't want that to happen.

### Next Episode

 Fantasy Battle Match-ups: Zack and Julius vs. Zack and Julius

## The Episode

It was a regular day in Fowler City. Julius had just woken up from his sleep and walked to the bathroom to get ready for the day. As he brushed his teeth, he began to wonder. Was he forgetting something? Today felt like an important day. Eh, if it was important, he would have remembered. After getting ready for the day, he went to the kitchen to scour the refrigerator for breakfast. Pouring cereal into a bowl, he continued to think about what was so important about today. When he put the milk and cereal back and glanced at the calendar, he noticed that today was the 23rd. There was something important about that date, but he couldn’t put his finger on it.

“Juliusss~,” Cloud said knowingly as he entered the kitchen.

Julius looked at his friend. “Morning, Cloud.”

Zack came in behind Cloud. He had a smile on his face. “How’s it going, Julius?”

“I’m doing good, thanks for asking,” Julius said as he walked to the table with his cereal, had a seat, and began eating.

Zack and Cloud followed Julius to the table and stood over him as he ate. “Today’s a nice day, Julius. Don’t you think so?”

Julius ate a spoonful of cereal. “Yeah, it looks sunny out. Perfect for some time outside.”

“Well, Cloud and I are thinking about going to the beach,” Zack turned to Cloud. “Hey, Cloud, think I should *poot* on something light?”

Cloud chuckled. “That’s definitely something to *stink* about, Zack. I’m gonna wear the blue shorts. It’ll drive the girls crazy!”

Julius stopped eating his cereal as he got closer and closer to remembering what was so important about today.

Zack was cracking up. “The blue shorts? Don’t even get me *farted*! Who did you go out with the last time you wore them?”

Cloud was on the verge of losing it. “Ah ah ah, Zack! A gentleman never kisses and *smells*!”

At that moment, Julius realized what day this was. In a furious rush, he got up from the table, grabbed Cloud by his shirt and pinned him against the wall. “ALRIGHT, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT PLANNED FOR TODAY?!”

Cloud was still grinning. “What’re you talking about, Julius?”

“DON’T PLAY COY WITH ME! YOU TWO DO SOMETHING EVERY YEAR ON THIS DAY!”

Zack put a hand on Julius’ shoulder. “We’re not planning anything, honest!”

“THAT'S A LOAD OF SHIT AND YOU KNOW IT!”

Zack and Cloud lost it. They burst out laughing. Julius was unamused and let go of Cloud. “I can’t deal with you two. If you need me, I’ll be at Golden Palace.” He then got up and headed for the door. His troubles didn’t end there. As soon as he got outside, he was greeted with a terrible sight. A man was on the ground, gasping and groaning. He had both his hands to his stomach, covering it. Julius ran to his side.

“Holy crap, are you ok?” He asked, concerned. The man coughed and looked in Julius’ eyes.

“I’ve...been wounded. Some hooligans mugged me, then stabbed me and left me for dead. Come...come closer, my boy. I must tell you who they are…”

Julius leaned in and the man whispered in his ear. “It was...it was…”

“Yeah?”

“It was…” Julius was unable to hear the man’s voice. The only thing he could hear was a very loud fart. It lasted for nearly 10 seconds.

“That...wasn’t me,” Julius said nervously. The man coughed. "Say it again!”

“It’s ok. Their names are…” Another fart, this time for even longer.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Julius groaned.

“I...I see the light. Mama, is that you? YOUR LITTLE BOY IS COMING!!” The man went limp in Julius’ arms.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” He yelled, looking up to the sky. Setting the man down on the ground, he got up.

“I’d better tell Zack and Cloud to call the police,” He said, tears forming in his eyes.

Zack and Cloud were at the door of the building. “Tell us what?” A crowd of people were forming around Julius. It was made up of people coming out of their apartments and pedestrians who were walking by.

Julius pointed to the man. “This man. He...he...he…” Julius’ ears were then assaulted by the loudest fart he had ever heard in his life.

“GOTCHA!!!” He heard from all around him. People of all ages came out from behind cars and trees, laughing at Julius. He was red with embarrassment. Zack and Cloud were laughing right along with them.

“You fell for it again, Julius!” Cloud said between laughs.

“Fell for what? A man just died!” Julius asked. He set his eyes on the man, who was now getting up. In his hand was a whoopie cushion.

“Nah, we were just playing with ya!” He said, laughing so hard tears were in his eyes.

Julius rubbed his temple. “You guys are sick, you know that? That shit happened YEARS AGO!”

“And it’s just as funny as if it happened yesterday!” Zack said. One man had his laptop out and began typing on it.

“I GOT THE VIDEO RIGHT HERE!” He yelled out. Everyone crowded around him to look at the screen.

The video took place in a bathroom and was being recorded on a phone. Someone was in one of the stalls and by the look of his shoes, it was Julius. “Man, why did I agree to Mexican? It’s so damn good, but it’s got my stomach running like a track meet…” Julius heard himself mutter.

A pronounced fart could be heard. “Oh man, excuse me.”

Another fart. “Pardon me.”

A burst of three farts in rapid succession. “Okay, take it slow, Jdog, you got this. I know, I'll play that song that keeps me calm!"

Then, there was silence. After a few moments, Phil Collins “In the Air Tonight” began playing. “Oh, I feel it in me, man. It’s coming. Deep breaths, Julius, let's go." He began breathing in and out.

Julius heard himself groaning. “OH GOD WHY DID I ORDER THE SEVEN LAYER BEAN BURRITO!!!” He groaned again. "WITH EXTRA QUESO!"

A fart was hissing in the background as he spoke. “OOOOHHH GOD I FEEL IT! IT HURTS!! ITS BURNING WITH THE HEAT OF A THOUSAND SUNS!!!”

Now Julius was singing along with the song. “I can feel it, calling in the air tonight...hold on. I’ve been waiting for this moment, for all my life. Hold on--DEAR GOD JUST HOLD ON!”

A wet fart sputtered out and Julius sighed in relief. “Oh, oh man. Alright, it’s out. That’s the end of it, then. Now I’d better just get up an--”

Just as the drum part of the song ended, Julius screamed. As he was screaming, farting sounds came out like a machine gun. “AAAAAAAHHHH!! OH SHIT OH SHIT PHIL COLLINS GIVE ME STRENGTH!!! I'M RUNNING OUTTA TOILET PAPER IN HERE!! ITS GETTING EVERYWHERE!!"

Suddenly, Julius came falling out of the stall and onto the ground. His pants were down and he was wearing polka dot boxers. Whoever was behind the camera was laughing hard. “DON’T JUST STAND THERE MAN HELP ME!” Julius got up, pulled up his pants, and ran to the bathroom door, opening it. Behind the door, a large crowd of people had gathered to listen to Julius.

“What’re you all looking at?” He pointed at the people. “Can’t a guy go to the bathroom in peace?” Suddenly, his pants fell down, revealing his boxers. Everyone burst out laughing and the footage ended.

...

Back in present time, Julius glared at the crowd. “Well, outside of you freaks, at least the video didn’t get a lot of traction,” Julius said, regaining his composure.

Cloud pointed at the laptop. “Hey, Julius, what number is that?”

“...6,000,000 views. WAIT 6 MILLION VIEWS?!” Julius was shocked. The people cheered at the announcement.

“That’s not all! The owner of the restaurant wants to meet you in person and award you a lifetime supply of bean burritos!” Zack added. The crowd cheered once more.

“Wow, that’s awesome!” Julius was initially ecstatic, but he soon returned to anger. “WAIT NO THAT’S NOT AWESOME! You...you guys are the worst!” He began crying and ran out of the crowd and away from home. Every step that he took, the man with the whoopie cushion punctuated it with a squeeze of the whoopie cushion.

When he got a good distance away, Julius sat down on the curb and kept on crying. As he did, a white portal appeared in front of him. “Julius Vladmire,” A voice said.

He wiped tears from his face and looked around. “Yeah, that’s me. Everyone’s at my house for the post-prank breakfast. Better hurry, the breakfast burritos,” He began crying some more. “End up running out first!”

“I haven’t come to attend that. I came for you,” The voice replied. “Step into the portal, we have much to talk about.”

Julius looked up and saw the portal. “...Ah, what the hell. This day’s been,” He stopped himself from crying. “Shit enough. I’m coming.” He got up and walked through the portal, his vision blinded by a flash of light.

When he could see again, he stood in front of a small town of sorts.

"Greetings, Julius. I am Time Lord Clocko," He heard from behind.

Julius turned around and stood face to face with a strange looking man. He wore a helmet that looked exactly like a clock, along with white armor.

"Time Lord Clocko? That's a first. Where are we?" Julius asked.

"We are in the Time Colony. I brought you here to talk about your predicament. Walk with me."

The two began walking through the colony and Clocko began talking. "I know about the...event that happened to you on this day. How your regret it ever happening. Well, there is a way to...delete that moment from the timestream."

Julius looked at Clocko skeptically. "There is?"

"Indeed. There is a location that facilitates the flow of time. If we go there, we could delete that moment and no one would remember it. I'm willing to take you there so you can do that."

"That would be great! Wait..." Julius raised an eyebrow. "What's the catch?"

"No catch, Julius. Let's just say that I too have an embarrassing moment that coincides on the same day. Before we embark to change the timestream, I must obtain my time staff. Come with me." Clock and Julius entered a larger building with a clock on top of it.

Back on Earth, Zack and Cloud were at the restaurant where the embarrassing moment had happened along with the crowd from earlier. They were all enjoying breakfast while watching the video again.

"Here's to another great year, Cloud!" Zack toasted, raising his drink.

"You said it!" Cloud answered. The two clinked their drinks and laughed. "This might have been the best prank yet!"

"It was pretty good, but I don't think it could beat the year when we went camping and the only lunch we packed for him was extra spicy curry!"

"True, true."

The owner of the restaurant walked over to their table. "Hey, guys, good to see you again! Whe9re's the man of honor?"

"It's weird. He ran off, but he's usually back for the post-prank breakfast."

"Alright, let me know when he's here, I want to award him with the certificate for the lifetime supply of burritos!"

"We'll go out looking for him," Zack said, getting up and paying for the meal. Cloud got up as well and they left to search for Julius. When they got back to the apartment, they noticed Clocko's portal from earlier.

"What the hell is this?" Cloud asked.

"No clue, Cloud," Zack looked at the portal and it began shimmering Soon, the image of Julius and Clocko could be seen. "Wait, isn't that Julius?!"

Inside the portal, Clocko and Julius were talking. Clocko now had a staff with a clock on top of it. With a snap of his fingers, another portal appeared.

"Thanks, Clocko. So, that embarrassing thing that happened to you? Is it is as any bad as mine?" Julius queried.

Clocko laughed heartily. "You kidding me? Nothing beats shitting your pants while listening to Phil Collins."

Julius groaned and then followed Clocko into the portal. As they left the Time Colony, Zack and Cloud entered it.

"Clocko? As in Time Lord Clocko?" Zack looked around the Time Colony.

"Yeah, man! He controls time and everything! Wait, you don't think that Julius would get his help to, y'know, change the timeline or anything, right?"

Zack thought about this. "Of course he would! Whenever a good thing happens to someone, he just *has* to ruin it for everyone! Come on, Cloud, we gotta stop him from doing this!" The two then ran through the other portal, intent on stopping Clocko and Julius.

Clocko and Julius were in a massive hall that looked like the inside of a clock. Gears and cogs rotated everywhere. At the front of the hall, a stream flowed. The water flowed into a black portal, which swallowed up the water.

"Welcome to the timestream, Julius. This is where time flows. Every memory and every moment of every day is stored here. When you go up to the time stream and recall a memory, it comes in the form of a crystal ball. If the ball is removed and destroyed, then that moment will cease to have existed."

"So I just go up to the stream, remember the moment, then destroy it?" Julius asked, walking up to it.

"Exactly. However, when a moment is recalled, it must not go through the black portal, or it will become unreachable forever."

"Got it. Time to get to thinking..." Julius said, remembering the event. Suddenly, Zack's yelling pierced his thoughts. "Hold it right there, Julius!" Julius turned around to see Zack and Cloud.

"Zack?! Cloud?! How did you get here?!"

"We followed you through these portals. You can't erase that moment from the timestream!" Cloud said.

"Why not? It's embarrassing and I'm sick of it always coming up! Every year you guys act like dickheads and pull off some stupid prank!"

"Hey, our pranks are not stupid!"

Clocko spoke up. "Zack, Cloud, I suggest you refrain from meddling in a Time Lord's affairs. Unless you wish to suffer my wrath."

Zack and Cloud got into fighting stances. "I've done my homework on timeism. All we have to do is get Julius to remember the event, then throw the ball into the portal."

Julius laughed. "HA! Good luck getting me to remember it! My mind's like a vault!"

Zack and Cloud looked at each other, then began singing. "I can feel it calling in the air tonight...hold on..."

A crystal ball appeared in the timestream. Julius groaned. "Shit."

"Think about all the good it does for the community. It unites us under a common purpose!" Zack suggested.

"Yeah, the purpose of laughing at me! Look, guys, if you leave now, I promise I won't go back in time and punch you in the nads*.*"

"We're not letting you do this, Julius."

"Watch me," Julius retorted. He picked the crystal ball out of the timestream. Zack summoned a crystal and threw it at Julius, knocking the ball out of his hands. It rolled away.

"Fine, we'll fight for it. Clocko, you take Cloud and I'll take Zack," Julius planned. All four of them charged at their opponent. Julius formed ice around his arm to block off another crystal Zack threw and Cloud punched Clocko and knocked him down. While he was downed, Cloud grabbed his legs and power bombed him.

"Zack, you gotta let this memory die! You're the sensible one here!" Julius reasoned, firing an ice beam at Zack. He blocked the beam with another crystal.

"I am being sensible! You're the who can't take a joke!"

Julius propelled himself at Zack with the recoil of an ice beam, punching him in the face. "A joke?! Last year, you faked a funeral, put laxatives in my breakfast, and made me a pallbearer!"

"Nobody could stop laughing when you dropped the casket and the dummy came rolling out of it!"

Clocko kicked Cloud in the face, then began glowing with white energy. With super speed, Clocko got up and punched Cloud again and again in a blur.

"He's too fast!" Cloud said, blocking his face with both arms. "Zack, tag out!"

Zack blocked Julius' next punch and kneed him before firing a crystal at Clocko from the back. It hit him in the head and he stopped moving at super speed. Cloud took the opportunity to shove him at Zack, who dropkicked him.

"The goal isn't to beat them! Quick, grab the crystal ball!" Zack and Cloud started running to where the ball dropped.

"Clocko, I hope you got some kind of hocus pocus magic to stop them!" Julius yelled.

"If you can give me a second to gather power, I can release a time freeze!" Clocko responded, charging up a ball of white energy in his hands. Julius ran after Zack and Cloud and shoulder rammed Zack. Cloud threw a punch at Julius, but he avoided it, grabbed his arm, and fired an ice beam into his arm, freezing it. Cloud hit him in the face with his freezing arm, breaking the ice in the process. Julius crawled backwards. "Now!" He yelled to Clocko. Clocko blasted Zack and Cloud with a white beam of light. The beam froze them in time.

"Now they are frozen, gving us enough time to destroy the crystal ball and erase the memory," Clocko stated.

"Ooh, how about you...' Julius whispered in his ear. When he heard his plan, Clocko laughed.

"Alright, I'll do it," Clocko walked behind Zack and Cloud, then fired another beam of light. This beam was fired at their butts. Clocko then snapped his fingers and Zack and Cloud unfroze.

"What the hell just happened?" Zack asked, looking around.

"Doesn't matter, let's grab that crystal ball!" Cloud replied. Their dash to grab the crystal ball was halted by a loud farting noise that filled the hall. It lasted for almost 20 seconds. When it ended, Zack and Cloud looked down, embarrassed.

"You've got to be KIDDING ME!" Cloud looked down and smelled himself. Zack smelled himself and they both cringed.

"HA! Now you know how it feels! How're you gonna fight when you just dropped deuces!" Julius laughed hysterically, then walked over to grab the crystal ball. "Better remember it while you can, 'cause this memory is going to disappear!"

As ice formed on the crystal ball, Julius heard two words he never thought he'd hear. "We're...sorry."

He turned to Zack and Cloud, confused. "What was that?"

Zack and Cloud looked at each other and nodded. "We're sorry, Julius. Sorry that we've been holding this whole thing over your head all these years. Sorry that we've been so mean about something that was very embarrassing for you. Sorry that we used your misery for entertainment."

Julius shook his head. "Thanks for the apology, but it's too late for that," He began to squeeze the ball, cracks forming on its surface. As he crushed the ball, the memory replayed again and again in his head. The more it played, the more he realized he couldn't crush the ball. He walked back over to the timestream and to Clocko's surprise, put the ball back in. It flowed into the black portal and disappeared.

"Apology...accepted," Julius patted his friends' shoulders and they all smiled at each other. "What made you change your minds about all this?"

"Well, for one, it felt different when we experienced it ourselves. Hard to laugh at someone pooping their pants when it's happened to you as well," Cloud responded.

"That's empathy for you," Zack added.

"From now on, we'll be supportive and help each other through hard times."

Julius smiled. "Yeah, thanks, guys."

"Well, if you're not destroying your memory, I'm destroying mine. No amount of empathy would be able to deal with this," Clocko said as he walked up to the timestream and generated his own memory. However, Julius picked it out first.

Julius peered into the crystal ball. "Aw, come on. What could be as bad as..." He saw what Clocko had done and broke out into another hysterical laugh.

"What is it, Julius?" Cloud asked. Julius handed him the ball and Cloud saw it for himself. He too broke down laughing and crying. Zack took the ball and watched now. He fell down on the ground rolling.

"OH MY GOD IM DYING!! WHY WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT CLOCKO?!?!" Julius said as he gasped for breath between laughs.

"It was spring break and I was confused, ok?!" Clocko said, embarrassed.

"I've seen confused, but nobody is confused enough to try and play a kazoo by SHOVING IT IN YOUR ASS!!" Cloud beat the ground with his fists as he laughed.

"What song did you play? HOT CROSSED BUNS?!" Zack asked, busting a gut. Julius and Cloud were sent into another fit of laughter.

"Okay, we all laughed at my embarrassing moment, now can you hand it over so it can be disposed of?" Clocko requested.

"Yeah, sure. Here you go," Zack said, lobbing the crystal ball at Clocko. Clocko missed the catch and the ball fell back into the timestream and through the black portal. Clocko fell to his knees and looked to the ceiling.

'NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

"Uh...guys, I think it's time to go!" Julius yelled, running back to the portal. Zack and Cloud followed as best as they could. The three ran through the portal and went back to Fowler City.