Alamo Drafthouse Piss Sluts

During Episode #49 of *Diet Coke & Lilith's House of Snax*, after realizing that *Avatar 2: The Way of Water* would likely be a three-hour film with no intermissions for movie theater screenings, Diet Coke and Lilith proposed a business model for the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema that would hypothetically remove the need for people to exit the theater and use the bathroom during certain screenings. This idea was discussed for about one fifth of the podcast episode's runtime.

## The Proposition

The Alamo Drafthouse Cinema needs to hire a team of piss sluts. Customers will be able to put up a little paper flag that says "open up, bitch," and then the piss sluts will drink the customer's piss so that they don’t have to leave their seat and stop watching the movie. The piss slut is not a job for somebody who just wants to collect a paycheck; this is somebody who has a passion for that field. The uniform includes a white T-shirt and white short shorts.

On theater ticker websites, there will be a little yellow dot next to some screenings, which will indicate that the customer needs to be at least 21 years old and that they consenting to, even if they are not going to take make use of it themself, personally witness some piss slut activity in the theater. The personal gender preferences of the customer will be factored in, like when getting a massage. The piss slut option will be limited to 11 PM and later screenings, although not only for R rated movies, as you should be able to have a piss slut experience regardless of what film you're watching. This will create jobs, help the movie theater industry which has been struggling, and destigmatize fetish lifestyles.

This does create some potential issues that need to be anticipated. Even with the most professional piss slut serving respectful customers, there is going to be some spillage, and people who sign up as normal ushers should not be cleaning up piss. It is therefore the responsibility of the piss sluts to take care of any piss messes. Unfortunately, there is going to be some people who themselves are a different part of the piss slut chain and may want to make it intentionally messy. Similarly to how the Alamo Drafthouse kicks out people who are talking in the movie theater, they would also kick out people who are clearly taking advantage of the piss sluts. The piss sluts are a privilege, not a right.

While the goal of the piss slut is to provide a discrete way for someone to pee and continue watching the movie in a theater, if a piss slut is properly enticing and erotic and sexually inviting in their performance in the role, it does detract from the main goal, which may be a problem. There is a point where the customer may become more invested in the erotic act of pissing into a piss slut's mouth than they are in enjoying James Cameron's latest masterpiece. Directors may express that some of their films are only supposed to be watched without piss sluts and humbly request for no piss slut showings. This issue with the piss sluts may become a positive thing, as it could act as leverage to serve the larger goal of bringing back intermissions to movies; if directors don't want piss slut showings, they should cut long movies in half.

Although Diet Coke and Lilith believe that they will still encounter some problems with the piss sluts proposition, they believe that they have enough figured out to move forward and pilot program it. They can pick one specific Alamo Drafthouse Cinema and do a soft launch there, and if the piss sluts do their job, it won't be a soft launch for very long.

Shortly after this podcast episode came out, an interview was released where James Cameron revealed that *Avatar 2: The Way of Water* will in fact have a long runtime. Cameron added, "Here's the big social paradigm shift that has to happen: it's okay to get up and go pee." The House of Snax Twitter account responded to this news, saying, "we have a proposition for you, James... just give us a call, Jim. We’ve got squadrons of piss sluts standing by for your signal."

1. ↑ @DiscussingFilm on Twitter
2. ↑ @houseofsnax on Twitter