The Crypt

**The Crypt** is the second installment in the *Well Versed* series on *Another Bad Side Quest.* Hjalmir and Fredo wander the halls of a strange place and prevent the rise of a pizza god.

## The Prophecy

### **Synopsis**

Last we saw of Hjalmir, he was floating while enjoying the sunlight, rolling hills, windmills moving in the breeze and endless rows of tulips of the Netherlands. He started to feel drowsy enough to take a nap and had a dream involving skeletons, ghouls and screaming group of toys and stuffed animals with their fur thrown all over. He eventually woke to find himself a quiet dim lit room with no tulips in sight and soon noticed a hallway lit with torches with someone calling out his name and vaguely sounding Italian. He also touched the wall briefly and found his intangible body wasn't able to phase through before he followed the voice. As he followed the voice it grew louder and more clearly sounding like his name being said, confusing him as as to how the voice knew his name. He eventually found a room on the side that the voice was coming from it.

Hjalmir went into the room and found a small rattling chest on the side calling his name. The voice noted Hjalmir had a good life, how he had now come to him and not even addressed him as Godteddy before asking him to open the chest. Hjalmir, after some confusion at what the voice was saying, opened the chest, found the bisected piece of a teddy bear head and, after even more confusion, eventually found the voice was coming from the head and took him out. As Hjalmir lifted the head up Fredo recalled he had just exited Valda's spire with his temporary mercenary group and Ahmose, one of the group's necromancers, placed his head into his bag, eventually calmed down to take a nap and woke to find he was in the chest about a day. Fredo asked him to get the two of them out of there and Hjalmir agreed, placed him on his shoulder and floated out of the room.

The duo followed the winding halls until Fredo heard the sounds of rattling bones and told Hjalmir to stop before warning him. Fredo attempted to lasso himself around Hjalmir's ear to guide him, but fell to the ground, rolled in the direction of the noise and accidentally landed in the middle of a group of skeletons. The skeletons noticed the head, said *"The master wishes, the master calls, the master wants those in these halls"*, picked him up and started to play with the head. Hjalmir floated in their direction and when the skeletons noticed the floating dwarf ghost and advanced on him with bones as weapons Hjalmir readied his great axe and pointed towards Fredo and the ground. Fredo distracted the skeleton holding him by telling him his shoes were untied and when the skeleton looked to check the other one crashed into it causing the two to fall to pieces and sending Fredo flying towards Hjalmir who caught him. The remaining skeletons seemed to forget about them and walked past the two of them. Fredo noted they said there was a master, that the master likely knew the way to get out and they should find them.

They continued down the hall and noticed a green light coming from a room. Fredo had Hjalmir tie him up with a rope, hold the rope and throw him to have a look, saw a witch stirring a pot and as he noted she was making something was pulled back to him. Fredo explained what he saw, suggested that she was missing something and the two decided to go incognito to see her. Fredo tried to help Hjalmir disguise himself to look more like what they had seen so far and were surprised to hear the witch beside them nothing they had visitors. The witch took Fredo's head and introduced herself as Linetta before taking him to her room, put her on her table and invited Hjalmir to come inside. Fredo told there were two big intruders with Swedish accents and when Linetta enquired if one was named Hans said he and Sven went away a year ago noted they must have been disguised as them and had messed up some of the skeletons. Linetta changed the topic to suggest it was hard for Fredo without his body, could help him have a body again and searched her cupboards. Immediately Fredo mimed to Hjalmir to choke the witch out and Hjalmir did so with his rope, knocking her into her cupboard causing papers and scrolls to fall out and leaving her unconscious on the ground. Fredo noticed one of the papers was a recipe to provide a body and Fredo found the recipe required: *fresh bones from a golden skeleton, fur from a dire rat* and *the arms of a great and and powerful, unimaginable being*.

Fredo and Hjalmir searched the room, found some muscly tentacles on a grill, which looked like arms and Fredo assumed would suffice for the arms ingredient. They also saw a letter with a heart next to it and after Hjalmir opened it the two saw it was a love letter from a secret admirer. After confirming that Hjalmir would help him get a new body the two searched the witch's body and found potions that looked similar to the modifying ones Dalio, another of the mercenaries he travelled with, used, while Hjalmir, who also met Dalio and drank his potion that turned him into a ghost, mimed his knowledge to Fredo. The two also found a map on the wall showing dungeons, a cafeteria, a den for rat people, a chamber with demonic symbols and question marks and pitch black room. Fredo, deciding escaping was more important then a body, had Hjalmir tie him to his chest, had him grab the tentacles and recipe just in case and the two proceeded to head to the cafeteria.

They arrived to lit cafeteria and saw a bunch of monsters of all kinds eating all manner of food, including a group of golden skeletons. Realizing it was one of the ingredients needed suggested they challenge them and Hjalmir offered some transparent gold as something to wager with. The two walked, with Hjalmir acting as intimidating as possible, and impressed with his bravado invited them to sit with them and play some games. Fredo challenged them to ghost checkers and the skeletons led them to their board and told them to beat their strongest champion, called out *Gilgamesh* and a 20 foot golden skeleton appeared to play. Fredo picked out their moves, with Hjalmir moving the pieces, as they played against Gilgamesh and managed to get him to talk about how his ex left him to outer space. Fredo managed to come up with a strategy combining his knowledge and Hjalmir's ghost like abilities and won the game for the two of them. Fredo told him they wanted to get out of this place and asked for the tip of one of his pinky fingers and told him of Lineta's secret admirer and his chance for love and Gilgamesh accepted the deal to help them before being told her location, gave the requested pinky piece. After eating Gilgamesh and another skeleton joined the duo and made their way to the rat den.

They arrived to the den and found a sign saying the working hours and Fredo realizing it was closed asked Gilgamesh to explain. Gilgamesh said they were likely on break and, while not sure what they did, related to when the King said he needed a hair cut. The duo went in to the barber shop on their own, called out for whoever was the mightiest dire rat insisting only they could cut his locks and the two were taken inside. They immediately saw a six foot dire rat getting their hair cut next to them and Fredo asked Hjalmir if he could get some. Hjalmir pretended to drop Fredo near to the hair and Fredo managed to get some before the two made their way out, evading questions from the dire rat as they did, and put the hair in a baggie provided by the regular sized skeleton. Fredo asked Gilgamesh to look at the recipe to see if he understood it and Gilgamesh, who claimed he went to medical school, set up the fur in a circle, bit one of the tentacles, placed it in the centre, got the golden pinkie tip from Fredo, crumbled it into dust and sprinkled it over it. He then picked up Fredo's head, poured one of the potions over him as they also needed something wet and placed him in the pile, causing a small tornado shimmering with the gold dust to swirl around him before it vanished revealing Fredo and his new body, including his head and face being repaired, his body darker colored fur and tentacles for his arms and now stood six feet tall. Gilgamesh directed the way they would need to take letting them know their was an secret exit through the master's room and also explained the pitch dark room was where the great old one was. Fredo thanked Gilgamesh, hugged him and the two parted with him.

They made their way to the master's room and Fredo asked Hjalmir if he had a gun with him. Hjalmir checked and surprising himself found a revolver in his pocket, gave it to Fredo and Fredo after finding it had one bullet made a pizza box out of what was nearby and placed it inside. Fredo knocked the door and when a voice asked who it was said they had a pizza ordered from a skeleton called Gilgamesh. The voice noted he was already summoning pizzas before he allowed them to come inside and once inside Fredo, seeing the little goblin man, immediately fired it through their head. They soon noticed a lot of pizzas, assumed the goblin was summoning pizzas instead of undead, saw drawings on the wall and realized he was trying to make a pizza god, as well as a floating exit sign. The duo took some pizza slices before following the stairs up to the exit and found themselves in a grassy valley just as the sun was rising. Fredo put a hand on Hjalmir's shoulder before the two went off into the sunrise.

1. ↑ I don't even know where to begin or what to put here in the slightest lol
2. ↑ Alluding to the Khostov twins from Carbon 2185