Episode 364 - Journey to the Center of Attention

## Summary

Special guest Lily Sullivan joins us as Adam finds himself in some deep trouble as well as some deep Earth that he's going to need help digging his way out of!

Find Lily's podcasts at Comedy Bang Bang World and find Lily at @lilyylil

## Previously On...

Whoaaaaaaa! This isn't the car anymore! Oh noooooo!

Note to self. Next time we go on a car ride through town, I get front seat because this is the last time I want to do *this*! It's so *cold* and *sticky* and...roundy? Looks like we're not in Kansas anymore, but we might be under it?

## Plot

### UNKNOWN LOCATION

Adam Miller wakes up in a dark, stony area where a glimmer of light shimmers in the distance. A chill lingers around him, but Adam can see a strange, rolling, humid heat approaching. Pressure pushes into his inner ear, and Adam is able to get his ears to pop, relieving the pressure. He doesn't know where he is.

Walking towards the light, he discovers a blue lit cavern, with what appear to be an infinite array of stars above him. However, they are moving and Adam realizes that they are glow worms. Ahead of him is a forest of 10 foot tall mushrooms and ferns, making a veritable forest and he can hear a loud, reptilian roar. Through the forest, a large body of water glimmers, and every wall of the cavernous area he finds himself in is craggy stone. Adam is fairly certain that he is deep underground.

Adam is nervous about the roar, and climbs half way up a mushroom. He stays stock still. A small herd of 18-inch tall of what looks like plucked chickens. One jumps up, bites onto Adam's shoe and pulls it off his foot. He starts to run after the creature when a voice calls to him to stop. An older man tells him to leave the Shizzards alone.

The old man introduces himself as Thaddeus. He tells Adam that he doesn't know how to help him back to 'the big country that is underground.' When Adam informs him that they are, in fact, underground and that Adam comes from a place on the surface, Thaddeus is skeptical. He calls Adam a 'Two-Worlder' and tells him that he won't have Adam teaching any of his 'Uppercrust Theory', the UPT, here. He also tells Adam that they are currently in 'The Undercrust'.

### UNDERCRUST SETTLEMENT

They go together to find the information kiosk. On the way Adam describes LIDS to Thaddeus, who excitedly tells Adam about BOTTOMS, a store that only sells things for feet. Adam and Thaddeus approach a settlement, and Adam is surprised to see people walking around barefoot, with little hats on their feet. The settlement appears to be made up from found supplies, made up from items of wildly different eras. One of the buildings is an old galleon, broken in half. This society has been built of things that seem to have fallen from the overworld.

Adam meets Joan who is working the information booth. She welcomes Adam to his new home, which he does not like. Joan reveals that no one down in the Undercrust has gotten out, but once there, they all live forever. Thaddeus recalls his Okie family traveling west and getting caught in a tornado, then sucked down a sinkhole. Adam jumps on that story and tries to use it to convince Thaddeus that the surface does exist, and that Thaddeus is from the Uppercrust.

"I don't believe any of that nonsense, I've always been from underground!"

Joan tells Adam to stop upsetting Thaddeus, and Thaddeus runs into a nearby bar. McFadden Curdys is a freestanding bar, likely the best constructed building in the whole settlement. It is a long, boxy building. Inside there are booths, and a tiny dance floor. People have filled the bar and drinks are flowing.

A woman in the bar is going from person to person, asking to borrow a phone charge. Most people don't even know what that is. Adam volunteers his Nokia charger, but the woman has an iPhone and is despondent. She tells Adam that she got too drunk at a wine tasting bachelorette party and somehow wound up at the Undercrust settlement. Her friend gets married in three days and she is the second maid of honor!

Thaddeus is drinking and denying the existence of the surface. He has found Adam's Heely and begins to grind it against the bar, upsetting McFadden Curdy, the bar's owner. The woman introduces herself as Tayleigh Harlon Grayson, and lets Adam know that the events at the bar are just okay, but probably not worth coming to.

Thaddeus drunkenly pulls Adam aside and tells him about a machine that no one is supposed to know about it. Adam wants to know more, but McFadden cuts in and offers Thaddeus more to drink. Tayleigh opines the lack of Negroni Sbagliato with Prosecco as the only thing the bar serves in hard water and Shizzard meat.

As Adam, Tayleigh, Thaddeus and Joan prepare to leave, McFadden asks Adam about paying for the drinks. He is joking, as they don't have commerce. Adam playfully responds that they don't have C.R.A.M.O.s either, which leads McFadden to tell him that they actually do have Crisis Response and Mediation Officers in the Undercrust, and that Joan is one. Adam is uncomfortable and reveals that the law makes him anxious. They tell him that they aren't the law, and Adam seems more comfortable.

Thaddeus brings the group to his large tent. Tayleigh says that it looks like the winery she had been in before she ended up in the Undercrust. Adam tries to turn his Heely's into battery but it works so well that it overpowers the phone which gets so hot that it catches fire, Tayleigh tosses it away, but it lands in the bush that Tayleigh has been sleeping next to. Adam tries to stamp out the fire, but the fire spreads and Thaddeus's tent catches fire. He calls for the Shizzards, which come and piss on the fire.

Tayleigh's things are all burned and covered in Shizzard piss, which causes her to break down. Behind Thaddeus' tent is a switchboard that he reveals hidden behind a rock wall. The switchboard that opens up into to two large gray doors that the group pulls apart. They walk in to a small room behind the doors. The logo on the door is the same as the logo on the bar, and it seems McFadden is the one who is keeping all of the others down in the Undercrust.

McFadden surprises them all and reveals that he was the first to find the Undercrust and discover the hard water that keeps them all eternally young. He has been keeping those that find themselves in the Undercrust from leaving. Tayleigh reveals that she was actually the one who was supposed to get married in three days, and she was scared and ran away. However, she doesn't want to run anymore, although, she isn't sure that she wants to marry Ollie Grayson Ashford Tatum either.

Tayleigh offers McFadden her virginity anklet to let them all leave. She tells them that she lied about having sex and needing abortions and she is a virgin. McFadden and Adam also profess their virginity. This brings the group closer together and Adam feels a strong sense of belonging. Adam is able to repair the machine that can take them up to the surface, but Thaddeus stays behind to look after the Shizzards. He does give Adam a vial of Shizzard piss to put into CEJ's drinking water. McFadden also stays behind to keep the path between the surface and the Undercrust open. Joan also chooses to stay behind so that she will continue to live forever.

Tayleigh and Adam enter the machine and travel to the surface. On the way, Adam uses his weird science to turn the Shizzard piss into a Negroni Sbagliato with Prosecco, Tayleigh's favorite drink. He is able to save a little bit for his prank. The machine drills through the ten miles of earth between the surface and the Undercrust. Having a lot of time on their hands, Adam and Tayleigh are able to get to know each other.

Three days later, the drilling machine breaches the surface, right at the winery where Tayleigh's wedding is taking place. Adam offers her his Heelys as the wedding procession has started and she needs speed to get there in time.

They overhear Tayleigh's bridesmaids talking about her and how Ollie will need someone to take care of him. Tayleigh confronts her so called friends, including McAshley. They are shocked to see her in her current state and Tayleigh tells them she was trapped underground where there aren't even phone chargers!

They mention that she must have gotten drunk and walked in the giant hole that the winery had asked the guests to avoid. Adam gets suspicious as McAshley starts describing exactly what happened to Tayleigh. It turns out that McAshley had something to do with Tayleigh's disappearance. The groomsman Tayleigh was supposed to walk with, Channing, tells her that she is out of the Tatum wedding.

Ollie Grayson Ashford Tatum is 6'5" with impressive musculature and an extremely stupid face. Tayleigh calls out to him and tells him about her journey. She reveals that she is a virgin who has been saving herself for him. Ollie says he is basically a virgin too, although mostly just his heart.

They get married with a backdrop of singing Shizzards and Adam officiates the wedding. He had been ordained in the life church during college. Tayleigh gets her Negroni Sbagliato with Prosecco, looks at her dead eyed husband, and thinks that she is going to spend the rest of her life with him. And it's going to be...fine.

Adam takes the tunneling machine back to Mystery County, Superior a week later, and Genesys Jr. meets him with Diane Miller's car. Adam puts the car in reverse and drives to Susan's.

## Characters

**Main Cast**

* Rashawn Nadine Scott as Thaddeus and Channing Tatum
* Jeff Murdoch as Adam Miller
* Erin Rein as Joan
* Lily Sullivan as Tayleigh Harlon Grayson McCardi
* Tyler Samples as McFadden, McAshley, Ollie Grayson Ashford Tatum, and everyone else.

## Introductions

Tyler: Hello friends in an alternate future! Welcome to Mystery County Monster Hunters Club, where we use the game Monster of the Week to tell a story of subterranean surprises and hypogeal heroes in the real and actual 2007. I'm Tyler Samples, your Keeper of Monsters and Mysteries. Let's meet our players!

Rashawn: Hi everybody! I'm Rashawn Nadine Scott, and I like my earth like I like my trophies. Up on a mantle, baby!

Jeff: Hi! I'm Jeff Murdoch, and I play Adam Miller, the Weird Scientist, and I've heard about getting grounded, but never under-grounded.

Erin: Hi, I'm Erin Rein. I play, well, today it'll be a different character. And Globetrotter? More like Lobetrotter. I just got my ears pierced...again.

Lily: And I'm Lily Sullivan, and I'm 5'2", so you know I'm close to the ground. Yas!

## Notable Quotes

* "What is above ground?" - Thaddeus
* "Wow, you only got BOTTOMS down here and we only have LIDS up there." - Adam Miller
* "For you, we rolled 88, which is tunneling machine. Which was suggested to us by our patron kazooka." - Tyler Samples
* "Do you need any mushrooms? Any tabs? An abortion? These are things I can find for you within 24 hours." - Joan
* "Welcome home. You live here now." - Joan
* "You know, it's always 5 o'clock underground." - Tyler Samples
* "No, god, what? I have an iPhone like a normal human being." - Tayleigh Harlon Grayson
* "We keep our cows at the Barnes and Noble." - Adam Miller
* "I've had so many abortions, like what?" - Tayleigh Harlon Grayson
* "I didn't think anyone would recognize a Phish song" - Joan

## Links

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