Energy Boost

**Energy Boost** is episode 137b of Edward and Eric. It premiered on Kids' WB on October 8, 2005.

## Synopsis

When soda gets banned at Lakeside City School, Bernadette decides to make her own soda with her chemistry set. It would be easy if it wasn't for Mr. Goodman.

## Cast

* Rachael Lillis as Bernadette
* Gary Sauls as Mr. Goodman and Victor
* Edward Felker as Igor, Abdul, Stanley and Chauncey
* Andrew Rannells as Edward
* Josh Peck as Eric
* Wayne Grayson as Joey
* John DiMaggio as Tony
* Kyle Phillips as Wayne
* Mike Pollock as Principal Walker

## Trivia

* This is the only episode of the series where Mr. Goodman serves as an antagonist. Sauls himself is completely aware of this; in the audio commentary for this episode, he stated he and the rest of the crew thought it would be funny if he acted completely out-of-character over a trivial matter for just one episode.
* The paddle's name, Spankingheimer, is a reference to the animated 2000 TV movie, *Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer*. In the audio commentary, Sauls poked fun at the surname, asking "What kind of family name is that?".
* The name of the chainsaw, Pearl, is another reference, but to the web series, *The Angry Grandpa Show*.

## Transcript

(Outside of Mr. Goodman's office, a crowd of students are watching a commotion from the window)

**Victor:** THEY'RE IN FOR IT NOW!

(Tony and Skipper are busy being scolded inside)

**Mr. Goodman:** I expect better from you two! You know Principal Walker strictly prohibits soft drinks on campus. (just like any teacher, he cracks open a can of soda anyway and takes a huge chug)

(Tony reaches his tongue out for a sip, but Goodman's tie becomes a hand and slaps it away)

**Mr. Goodman:** This is what I'm referring to! If Principal Walker were to find soda on the premises...

(The camera immediately cuts to a flashback of Walker beating him mercilessly with a paddle)

**Principal Walker:** ***I SAID NO SODAS AT SCHOOL, YA WORM!!!!!!!!***

(Mr. Goodman screams bloody murder, and the flashback ends)

**Mr. Goodman:** If only I was still allowed to use (camera pans over to a paddle locked behind a glass display) ol' Spankingheimer. But at least I still have Pearl here. (takes out a chainsaw and revs it)

(Both Tony and Skipper hug each other and tremble, thinking they're going to die, until it turns out Mr. Goodman is aiming for the duo's soda cans. He saws them in half, which causes soda to splatter all over the room)

(Cut back to outside)

**Stanley:** I can't believe it! Those were the last sodas on campus.

**Edward:** Well, I don't normally tolerate violating guidelines, but I'm sure we can find a way around it.

**Terry:** What will we do?

**Barry:** We all need our sugar!

**Frankie:** And I really need some more weight!

(Everybody begins sharing their ideas, until a lightbulb shines above Bernadette's head)

**Bernadette:** Hey, guys! I have a radical idea!

(Nobody is listening)

**Bernadette:** (pokes Joey) Um, um, um, um, Joey? I have an idea! (pokes him more) Joey, Joey, Joey, Joey, Joey?

(Joey's eyes turn bloodshot, and he becomes so angry that steam comes out from his three hair strands, followed by his pupils slamming around his eyes just like pinballs)

**Bernadette:** (in the background) Wanna hear my idea? Wanna hear my idea? Wanna wanna wanna? I have an idea! It's a good idea, Joey!

**Joey:** ***BERNADETTE!!!!!! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!!? WHAT?! WHAAAT?!!?***

**Bernadette:** Perhaps if we (pulls up a thesaurus and squints her eyes) distribute sodas in a (flips to a different page) furtive manner, we can still drink sodas.

**Joey:** (to Edward) Mind translating her, Four Eyes?

**Edward:** Affirmative. (clears his throat) We could try selling outside sodas to continue drinking them at school.

**Joey:** That's a terrible idea! Can't you see we're busy over here, Bernadette?!

(Everybody goes back to conversing. Bernadette gets mad, and she storms off)

(Camera transitions to her dorm room)

**Bernadette:** Oh, forget them. It *was* a good idea. So it's a good thing I have (takes out...) my very own chemistry set! (sets it up) At first, I thought this idea would be impossible. I mean, (chuckles) making my own soda with chemicals. That sounds illegal on paper, but fortunately, it's like I've been training my whole life for this very moment!

(She sets down some bottles and pours caffeine into them, followed by high fructose corn syrup)

**Bernadette:** (grabs some sugar cubes) And once I can make a growth formula, I can use them on these sugar cubes for a more addicting flavor!

(Bernadette puts on an apron with "Mommy's Little Chemist" on it, and she gets to work by dumping the sugar into the bottles. Upon mixing the sugar in, a small explosion occurs)

**Bernadette:** It's working! (laughs and rubs her hands together)

(She continues making more sodas until a chemical explosion engulfs the building)

(Later, the Lucky 6 are sulking outside of the boys' dorm. Bernadette slides up to them)

**Bernadette:** Hey guys!

**Edward:** Oh, hi, Bernadette.

**Stanley:** How could you be so happy when there's no soda left in the school?

**Bernadette:** What if I told you I had sodas?

**Stanley:** Oh, stop your fibbing, Bernadette. I'd give my entire jewelry collection for just one piece, but we know Mr. Goodman took the last of the sodas.

**Bernadette:** That was before I made all of (takes out an entire case of sodas) THIS!

(Stanley's eyes widen, and he stretches his eyes all the way over to Bernadette to look at the case)

**Bernadette:** Oh, it's real alright!

(Stanley zips away, and within a nanosecond, he comes out of the boys' dorm with a shelf of jewelry. He grunts as he pushes it with his back)

**Stanley:** Here, here! Take it! (grabs 3 cans)

**Bernadette:** Ah ah ah ah! Only one can!

**Stanley:** But I gave you my entire jewelry collection!

**Bernadette:** Only one piece per trade.

**Stanley:** (puts two of the cans down) Fine.

**Eric:** (runs up to Bernadette with his clothes) My clothes!

**Edward:** (runs up to her as well with his microscope) My microscope!

(More students run up to her, and a montage begins of everybody doing favors for Bernadette. Bernadette shows Carver a soda can, and Carver lays her down on her stomach. He punches her back to give her a massage)

(Bernadette is playing dodgeball with Tony, who is standing completely still. She knocks him over with the ball)

**Bernadette:** Yeah, I won! (laughs) In your face, Tony! Oh yeah! I won! (dances) Uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh!

**Tony:** (approaches her) Ahem.

**Bernadette:** (nervously chuckles) Oh, right. (gives him a can of soda) Here you go.

**Tony:** Thanks.

(Later that day, Bernadette exits the girls' dorm with a bag of garbage. She heads towards the dumpster)

**Bernadette:** Boy, who knew making soda could be so lucrative? (tosses the trash away)

(Suddenly, Igor and Abdul emerge from the dumpster)

**Both:** Hey, Bernadette!

**Bernadette:** (surprised) Oh! Uh, hi, Igor. Hi, Abdul. What are you guys doing in the dumpster?

**Igor:** Looking for you.

**Abdul:** Yeah, we want soda.

**Igor:** We'll do anything.

**Bernadette:** (scratches the back of her head) Err, sorry, guys, but I don't think you have anything I want.

(Igor and Abdul look at each other, visibly hurt)

**Abdul:** Wait right here.

(They dig through the dumpster for anything. Bernadette gags. Igor ends up grabbing a dirty clothes iron, and Abdul gets a used toothbrush)

**Igor:** I could iron your clothes!

**Abdul:** And I could brush your teeth!

**Bernadette:** I'll pass. But thank you for the offers. (turns around to walk away, only for the duo to teleport in front of her) GAH!

**Igor:** Don't you want your uniform to be nice and clean?

**Abdul:** I'll do a better job than the dentist!

**Bernadette:** No! LEAVE ME ALONE! (runs away screaming)

(Igor and Abdul give chase. Bernadette pants heavily, but as soon as she reaches the girls' dorm, she rushes in and slams the door shut)

**Igor:** (he and Abdul pound on the door) Bernadette! We just want some soda!

**Abdul:** We'll do anything!

(Bernadette barricades her room's door, but then she notices Mandy is here)

**Bernadette:** Mandy! Oh, thank goodness you're here! (takes out a can of soda) I need your help to get me out of here safely!

(The duo kicks the front door down, and they march to Bernadette's room)

**Igor:** Oh, Bernadette!

(Mandy lifts up Bernadette and puts her on her bed. She leaps out of the window. The duo nonchalantly dozes through the barricades)

**Bernadette:** Phew, we made it! Take me somewhere safe.

**Mandy:** Anywhere in particular, uh, ma'am?

**Bernadette:** The P.E. showers. Igor and Abdul will *never* go in close proximity to them.

(Back in Bernadette and Mandy's room, Igor and Abdul pace around)

**Both:** Bernadette! Bernadette! (they look under the bed) Bernadette? (and they look at her desk, where her chemistry set is) Bernadette?

**Abdul:** What is this stuff?

**Igor:** I don't know. Do I look like I know?

**Abdul:** Yes. After all, you're a genius. In fact, what's 3 times 3?

(Beat)

**Igor:** 6, I think.

**Abdul:** (pats Igor's back) I knew I raised an Einstein.

(They take another look at Bernadette's chemistry set)

**Igor:** Aren't you gonna touch it?

**Abdul:** You touch it!

**Igor:** No, you touch it first! (tosses a beaker at Abdul's face, causing the glass to shatter)

**Abdul:** (swirls his tongue around his face) Hey, my face tastes like soda!

**Igor:** Ohh! I want my face to taste like soda too! (breaks a beaker on his face and licks around it)

(They giggle. Abdul smashes a beaker on the floor, and they roll around the puddle of soda. Igor holds onto his chest and pours soda into his uniform's vest, which makes it look like he has breasts. He laughs)

(Abdul flops on the puddle as the sound of a dolphin chirping plays. Eventually, they drag two giant, empty cans out of Bernadette's closet, and they pour all the soda into the cans)

**Abdul:** (gasps) Do you see what I see?

**Igor:** I see it. But I don't believe it.

**Abdul:** I think we just made soda.

(Beat)

**Igor:** I call dibs on this one! (removes the tie from his uniform and sticks it to the can on the right)

**Abdul:** I call dibs on that one! (does the same to the can on the left)

**Igor:** Hey, now how are we gonna tell which can is whose?

**Abdul:** Oh! I know!

(Abdul writes "ABDUL" on his tie, and "IGOR" on Igor's)

**Abdul:** This one's mine, and that one's yours!

**Igor:** Ok! (takes out a trick-or-treat basket that resembles a jack-o-lantern) Let's take them back to our room in my junk food holder.

(He lifts up his can and puts it on the basket, but it causes the basket to shatter to pieces)

**Igor:** Whoops. We're gonna need a bigger soda holder.

(They exit the girls' dorm, which causes a bunch of girls to scream)

(Camera cuts to Mr. Goodman's office)

**Mr. Goodman:** No more games, Wayne! (takes out a soda can) Where did you get this, huh?!

(Wayne is shivering in fright)

**Mr. Goodman:** TELL ME, WAYNE! What would your father say if he knew you had soda?!

**Wayne:** (tears up) Uhhhhh...I dunno.

**Mr. Goodman:** (dials a number on his telephone) Neither do I. (speaks into the phone) Hello, Mr. Bostick? Yes, I have your son here in my office. It would seem-

**Wayne:** (cries and screams) ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT, I'LL TELL YOU!!!! ***I'LL TELL YOU!!!!!!!***

**Mr. Goodman:** -it would seem your son is doing well here. Yes, his grades have been marvelous, and recently, he has contributed to development for the fall play this year. He's such a card. (puts the phone down) Ok, Wayne, tell me everything.

(Camera cuts to Mandy dropping Bernadette off in front of the girls' dorm)

**Bernadette:** Thanks for the ride, Pom-Poms. (gives her another can of soda) Why don't ya go buy yourself somethin' nice?

**Mandy:** Why, thank you! (walks away)

(Bernadette whistles as she enters her room. Suddenly, she screams)

**Bernadette:** (looks at the mess Igor and Abdul made) LOOK AT THIS MESS!!!! Somebody's been messing with my chemistry set! (curls her palms into fists) Oh, when I find out who did this, I'm gonna-

(She bumps into the giant soda cans)

**Bernadette:** Hey, I don't remember making any sodas *that* big.

(Upon noticing their ties, she gasps)

**Bernadette:** Wait a minute! Igor and Abdul! (hyperventilates) They turned themselves into huge cans of soda, and with *my* chemistry set! Oh, this is bad! This is very, very bad! I'll get Edward! He'll know what to do! (goes to the door) Hang on, Igor and Abdul! I'll change you back in no ti-

(Once she opens the door, she screams as soon as she sees Mr. Goodman)

**Mr. Goodman:** The jig is up, Bernadette! Wayne told me everything, now get out of my way! (pushes her)

**Bernadette:** But-but-but-but-but...

**Mr. Goodman:** I know you've got soda, and I'm shredding it!

**Bernadette:** No, y-y-you don't understand! This isn't soda, it's Igor and Abdul!

**Mr. Goodman:** Oh, you don't say? I've had enough of your "stories". I'm shredding these sodas, and that's FINAL! (takes out Pearl and starts it up)

**Bernadette:** ***NO!!!!!!!!!!***

(The chainsaw's blades hit one of the soda cans, but they don't leave any effects. They only leave a very minor dent)

**Mr. Goodman:** Darn, I'm gonna need a bigger chainsaw. (leaves)

(Later, Mr. Goodman is browsing through a catalog)

**Mr. Goodman:** Ah, here it is. (we see a picture of...) The Super Duper Mega Extravaganza Ultra Deluxe Rip 'n' Tear Shredder. (dials a number and gets on the phone) Yes, hello, I would like to order the Super Duper Mega Extravaganza Ultra Deluxe Rip 'n' Tear Shredder! Yes, same-day delivery, that would be perfect!

(Bernadette is revealed to be hiding inside of a picture frame)

**Bernadette:** Oh no! What am I gonna do? The only way Mr. Goodman will believe the sodas are Igor and Abdul will be if I change them back before they get shredded! (zips away) Gottahurrygottahurrygottahurrygottahurrygottahurrygotahurry!

(She passes by Eric)

**Eric:** Hey Bernadette, could you help me with my homework?

**Bernadette:** Yeah yeah, that's cool, gotta save Igor and Abdul!

(She runs to her dorm room)

**Bernadette:** (catches her breath) Perhaps if I make the soda formula in reverse, I'll potentially be able to reanimate Igor and Abdul back to their normal selves.

**Chauncey:** (offscreen) Delivery for Timothy Goodman.

(Outside, Mr. Goodman signs a paper on a clipboard. Chauncey gives him an enormous box, and he drives away. Mr. Goodman unwraps it, revealing a bunch of sharp tools wrapped in bubble wrap)

**Mr. Goodman:** (grabs an instruction manual) Hm, this thing sure has a lot of parts.

**Bernadette:** (pours a beaker of soda into another one) Focus, Bernadette...you've got a lot of time...

**Mr. Goodman:** (offscreen) I wonder what this thing does.

(He presses a button on a flamethrower, and it blasts out fire)

(Bernadette hyperventilates as she rapidly mixes the sodas together and shakes them)

(Mr. Goodman revs up a chainsaw and inserts it onto a Ferris wheel of chainsaws)

**Bernadette:** (picks up the solid soda with tweezers) Easy now... (it drops, and she clenches her teeth)

(Mr. Goodman grunts as he screws a nail onto a spiky steamroller, and he activates it)

**Bernadette:** (rubbing a beaker together) Almost there...

(Mr. Goodman pulls a lever, and a really stinky boot slams down on the conveyor belt)

**Bernadette:** Oh god, I hope this works. (drips a tiny bit of the formula onto two tiny soda cans) Come on! Please work! PLEASE!!!!

(The soda cans shake, but then they get reduced to ashes as a fart noise plays)

**Mr. Goodman:** (puts the oversized soda cans onto the conveyor belt) Alright, let's see if this thing actually works.

**Bernadette:** Close enough.

(She runs out of the girls' dorm with the formula in a beaker)

**Bernadette:** HANG ON, IGOR AND ABDUL! I'M COMING TO RESCUE YOU!

**Mr. Goodman:** Now, how do you turn this thing on?

**Bernadette:** I only got one shot in this. Make it count... (tosses the beaker)

(She watches it as it falls, but then it lands on the ground and shatters)

**Mr. Goodman:** Oh! Here's how you start it. (grabs a button with a red button and pushes it)

(The conveyor belt starts up. Bernadette gasps so hard that she sucks her eyes into her mouth. The oversized soda cans roll down, and they get scorched by the flamethrower. Bernadette's entire body shatters to pieces. The cans get pummeled by a giant boxing glove and mallet before getting tackled by a robot wearing a football helmet and jersey. Bernadette gags. Acid is dropped onto the cans. Her mouth falls off of her face)

(The soda cans have now been reduced to tiny pieces. They are inserted into a muffin pan and jammed inside of an oven. They pop out and land in a metallic mouth. The can's remnants are sent inside a rocket ship, which blows up high in the sky. Fireworks of Igor and Abdul's faces fall down and land next to Bernadette, whose jaw has dropped to the ground)

**Mr. Goodman:** Man, that worked beautifully!

**Bernadette:** NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! (sobs and picks up the ashes) I vaporized Igor and Abdul!

(The duo is heard cheering from a distance. Her eyes widen)

**Bernadette:** Their entrails are speaking to me!

**Mr. Goodman:** (laughs) Nice try, Bernadette! Your buddies have just blew your story.

(Igor and Abdul walk by with a wagon of soda cans, wildly cheering)

**Mr. Goodman:** If I EVER hear about you making and selling sodas again, Bernadette, I'm calling your parents! (she blinks) I'm sure they would have you grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded for 49340303438348239 years!

(Suddenly, he gasps)

**Mr. Goodman:** IGOR AND ABDUL, COME BACK HERE!!!! (runs after them) THERE BETTER NOT BE ANY SODAS IN THAT WAGON!!!!

(Beat)

(Bernadette's body splits in half, dropping to the ground)

(Iris out)

("The End" screen)

(Episode ends)