Rocked Sucks/Quotes

Drake: My dad is at the pharmacy and my mom is at the movies with her personal trainer.

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Drake: I paid 28 dollars for that ball! I had to mow ten lawns and ask my mom for a dollar 26 times!

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Abigail: There!

[waves flashlight at chandelier]

Abigail: Well, if those are the teeth, and that's the tongue, then that must be the uvula!

Drake: Oh, so it's a \*girl\* house...

Abigail: [looks at him] \*What?\*

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Tom: Oh my god!

Drake: What?

DJ: You're a dork!

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Drake: [whispering] It mocks us with its... \*house-ness\*!

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Abigail: But back to business: eggs, shaving cream, toilet paper. Without candy, I'm afraid your house is a bulls-eye with shingles.

Magnet: Nice try. It's not my house.

Abigail: Babysitter?

Magnet: Mmm-hmm.

Abigail: Okay, let's cut the crap. Maybe the parents you work for left you forty dollars in emergency money...

Magnet: Maybe they left me thirty.

Abigail: Maybe you give me twenty, I write a receipt for thirty, and you pocket ten.

Magnet: Maybe... and I want two extra bags of peanut clusters.

Abigail: One bag, and I'll toss in a licorice whip.

Magnet: You're good.

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Drake: My cousin's a cop in Milwaukee. I mean, he's kind of a cop... he's got a gun.

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Abigail: Are you guys mentally challenged? Because, if you are, then I'm certified to teach you baseball.

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Tom: I've just... murdered a guy!

Drake: Naw... when it's an accident, it's called manslaughter.

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Tom: Questions?

Drake: Yes, umm, are you nuts? I don't wanna steal drugs from my Father, I don't wanna go inside a monster, and I don't wanna die!

Abigail: I say its worth a shot.

Drake: Yes I agree. Let's do it.

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Magnet: Now what do you want?

Abigail: Just trying to get a head-start on life and secure a sucessful future.

Magnet: You want a successful future? When a guy with tattoos comes up to the drive-thru, give him his burger, not your phone number.

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Drake: [pretending to talk to his father] Well, Dad, why don't you kiss my hairy butt?

[turns around]

Drake: Hey, DJ, you got any beer?

[noticing Jenny]

Drake: Well, hello there...

Tom: [to Abigail Marge] This is... Chowder...

Drake: Charles, to the ladies...

Abigail: [interrupting] Um, Jenny Bennett. Two-term class president at Westbrook Prep.

Tom: That's a tough school to get into.

Drake: Yeah, I got in but decided not to go.

Abigail: It's a girl's school.

Drake: [nervous pause] ... Which is why I didn't...

[another nervous pause]

Drake: ... You know there's a... there's a great taco stand near there...

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Magnet: What is your problem?

Tom: Uh... puberty! Yeah, I'm having lots and lots of puberty.

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Tom: We haven't left this room once! Not even to go to the bathroom.

[Points to 2L bottle filled with something]

Tom: Don't drink that!

Magnet: Oh gross! Whatever disease you guys have I'm sure its got letters and that they make pills for it!

tom: Zee, it's true! There's something evil going on across the street!

Magnet: [Sarcastically] That's excellent, I'm really happy for you.

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[Abigail Marge emerges from the closet after calling her mother on the phone]

Abigail: [rolls her eyes] She didn't believe me.

Drake: [sighs] Authority can be so...

[makes armpit noises]

Abigail: Okay, normally I don't spend time with guys like you, but a house just tried to eat me, so... you've got one hour.

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Tom: Can I ask you something?

Magnet: Sure you can cantelope. We are going to have so much fun I have tons of activities...

Tom: [rolls eyes] It's okay. They're gone

Abigail: They are? They're gone?

[takes off her pink sweater and reveals she is wearing a black punk t shirt, unties her hair]

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Drake: We're dead.

[to DJ]

Drake: You've killed us, and now we're dead!

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Tom: I kissed a girl! I kissed a girl on the lips!

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Drake: All right, vacuum cleaner dummy, I'm setting you down on the lawn. Don't be scared, that's not how you were trained.

[slight pause]

Drake: I love you, vacuum cleaner dummy.

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Tom: [running back to the house] Don't look back!

Drake: Aah! I looked back!

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Tom: Chowder, your ball just landed on Nebbercracker's lawn. It doesn't exist anymore...

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Drake: [after they escape the Monster House by getting upchucked] That's it. Another great idea, DJ! Brilliant!

Tom: What do you want from me, Chowder? I don't see you coming up with any big ideas.

Drake: Oh yeah, yeah. Do you wanna hear my big idea? I'm going home to make A PRETZEL SANDWICH! See ya!

[starts walking away until DJ pulls him back]

Tom: Drake! The house is still alive and you're gonna wuss out?

Drake: I risked my life for you: I stoled drugs for you and \*I could've died in there!\*

Tom: Yeah. Me too!

Drake: Yeah, but you're the one that killed Nebbercracker in the first place!

Tom: Getting your stupid ball back...!

Abigail: [Abigail Marge pulls them apart] You guys, stop fighting. You're acting like babies.

Tom: We ARE babies! What were we thinking? We tried to put a house to sleep with cold medicine. How lame could you get?

[Tom begins walking toward his house]

Drake: Where are you going?

Tom: I'm going home. I suck.

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Abigail: Then that must be the uvula.

Drake: Oh, so it's a \*girl\* house.

Abigail: What? No. It stimulates the gag reflex. Everyone has a uvula.

Drake: Not me.

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[from the trailer]

Mom: We'll be back tomorrow night. Oh. If anything happens, call the police and hide in your closet.

Dad: He knows that.

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Officer Lister: That sounds like the 'dangerous creature'! I'm gonna go check it out.

[sneaks toward the house]

Officer Landers: [to self] Gosh, just like tryin' to wrangle a puppy...

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[first lines]

Little Girl: Hello, fence!

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Nebbercracker: Do you want to be eaten alive?

Little Girl: No.

Nebbercracker: Then GET OUT OF HERE!

[she jumps off her trike and starts to run, but stops]

Little Girl: My trike.

[Nebbercraker grabs the trike and tears off the front wheel, and she runs away crying]

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[the house taunts Drake by scratching a scary face on his basketball]

Drake: It's gonna be a bloodbath.

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Drake: You're really crazy right now, you notice that? I think you're just freakin' out because you killed a guy today.

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Skull: [Playing arcade machine] You're gonna die! You're gonna die!

Skull: [kills someone in game] Aw, did you see that? I just chopped off your head again! Your head's rolling. You can't even see it 'cuz your eyes are on your head!

Tom: [interupts] Sir?

Skull: [looks at DJ] What? I'm busy playing a video game without even looking at the screen.

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Nebbercracker: [kneeling very excited; looks up at DJ] 45 years... we have been trapped for 45 years... and now we're free!

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Magnet: You know, I saw an ambulance here today.

Bones: So?

Magnet: So, maybe Nebbercracker really did die.

Bones: We should be so lucky. The guy is evil.

Magnet: Nah, he's just a grouchy old dude.

Bones: Oh, really, Zee? When I was ten years old, I had a kite. Awesome kite. I could fly it so high, you couldn't see it. One day, it crashed down. I followed the string, and it ended right over there, across the street, right at the edge of his lawn.

Magnet: Ohhh... did he take your kite?

Bones: Pssh, yeah! He takes whatever lands on his lawn, but that's not the point. The point is that I saw him talking to his house... and kissing it.

[leans in to kiss Zee, but turns away at the last second]

Bones: Besides, everybody knows what he did to his wife.

Magnet: Why? What? What did he do to her?

Bones: He ate her!

[growls and tackles Zee off the couch and onto the floor]

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[after watching the house eat the two cops]

Drake: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, I think I'm having a stroke!

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Drake: It's time for an in your face disgrace!

[basketball ricochets off the hoop and hits Chowder in the face]

Tom: Are you okay?

Drake: My nose is in my brain!

Tom: Let me see - Oh my God!

Drake: What?

Tom: You're a dork.

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Abigail: Is this pee? Because if it is, that's really gross!

Drake: Tom?... You pee in bottles?

Tom: What are you talking about? That one's your pee.

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Magnet: Whatever issue you guys have, I'm sure it has letters and they make pills for it.

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[last lines]

Magnet: Skull's not like you. He makes time for me and gives me the respect I deserve.

Bones: Whatever.

Magnet: Bones!

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Skull: Calm down! You make me wanna throw up in some tin foil and eat it!

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Skull: Oh, you like the steel of my blade? It's so cold.

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Drake: Relax. Just be cool, like me.

[Drake accidentally leans on lever, which starts the machine]

Drake: AAAAAH!

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Officer Lister: [Drake, Tom, Magnet and Abigail throw their water guns at his feet] I will shoot you!

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Tom: [to Mr. Nebbercracker] I'm sorry about your house - your wife... your... house-wife.

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Abigail: Smart house.

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Drake: [house comes alive] Detectable movement!

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Magnet: Who called you?

Tom: Nebbercracker. Ps, he died today.

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Drake: We're dead. You've killed us, and we're dead!

Tom: Shh! I don't think the house knows that we're in here. I bet it thinks we're still in the car.

Drake: Listen.

[rumbling sound]

Jenny: Sounds like it's sleeping.

Tom: The only way that we're gonna get out of here alive, is if we find the heart, and put out the fire.

Drake: Maybe we should examine our other options?

Tom: Sure. Other option: we wait here and do nothing until it wakes up and eats us.

Chowder: Find the heart, put out the fire. Got it.

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Tom: It's her! The house is her!

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Officer Lister: We are SUPER cops!

Officer Landers: [sarcastic] Yeah, that's why I live in a condo...