Hansel: Wait

It was a bad feeling kind of day.

Hansel didn’t fucking want it to be, because Luci was supposed to be getting to Glimmerton, and he didn’t want to feel as though his dread was at seeing his own daughter. But she wasn’t … really his daughter. He knew she didn’t think of herself that way. Didn’t call him *dad*. Always *Hansel* in that quiet voice of hers -- very precise -- except the rare instances where it became dark and sharp.

She had never left the Sanctuary before. Not since he’d taken her and Jonn there. Not once. The fact that she was leaving now -- to come see him -- to make up with him? -- he just didn’t fucking know what the make of it. They’d had disagreements before, and she’d never been the one to make up, which was fair, as far as Hansel was concerned. He was the one who’d fucked up her brother and left her with him, never listened to anything any of the Eldathyns had tried to tell him about Jonn. Not her, either. He was the one who just fucking crashed into their lives every now and then, drunk as hell, rambling about whatever bloody pirate bullshit he’d been up to lately. Scaring Luci, filling Jonn’s head up with that shit.

Whatever Luci thought of him, Hansel figured he deserved it. He wanted the kid to care about him, but the fact that he would die for her hadn’t made him a good … well, anything. Not a good father, for sure. Not a good person to be around at all, unless someone was actually trying to kill her, and she lived in a fucking pacifist commune, for fucksake. The most dangerous thing around had always been him.

Him, and he supposed, Jonn.

Still didn’t know what was going on with that little fucker. Part of him wondered if he had something to do with this -- if maybe he’d gone to see Luci, broken into the Sanctuary. Maybe she didn’t feel safe there anymore. Maybe she was coming to fucking beg him to finally kill her brother so she could sleep at night without worrying about him showing up again.

He’d never hurt her -- Hansel was sure she would have said -- but she had told him about Jonn showing up at the Sanctuary after he was kicked out, filled with arrows and with three children in tow. Saved them, he’d said. From an orphanage where they were being mistreated. He’d burned the place down. He was half dead on his feet and so fucking proud of himself. The Eldathyns had taken the kids in, and Luci had healed him, and that was when he’d gotten banned from coming back. As far as Hansel knew, that was the last time Jonn and Luci had seen each other.

Luci had expressed some concern to Hansel that the next time he showed up, it would be worse. He’d told her he would keep her brother busy in Skyport, but then he’d -- he’d fucked that up too, and he didn’t know where the hell Jonn was anymore. Showing up at the fucking castle to talk to Goro, apparently. Teleporting around with his guild. He could’ve gone anywhere.

Hansel kept checking the sky. All morning. It was clear -- it was always fucking clear. He was just on edge because he didn’t know what to expect, that was all.

He met Luci in Glimmerton. She’d ridden in with a merchant caravan and waited for him by a fountain in the town square, looking small and overwhelmed -- there was some kind of festival going on, so the town was louder and busier than normal, and he started to apologize for telling her to wait somewhere so goddamn noisy, but she actually looked relieved to see him and stood on her toes to hug him.

This only concerned him more. Something was fucking wrong. He didn’t bring it up, though -- he was trying this thing where he let himself enjoy shit that happened to him, so he enjoyed the fact that his daughter gave him a hug of her own free will, and seemed a bit calmer when she stood next to him, still worrying her staff in one hand. He asked her if she wanted to go up to the castle, but she asked him to show her around the town, first. Said it hesitantly. She still seemed overloaded, but curious, and sharp-eyed. God, she’d never fucking been in a *town* before -- she didn’t leave the Sanctuary for anything.

He wasn’t going to worry about it. He walked her around the place, and then the rest of his crew showed up -- this circus, it was the one Roddy’d come from, apparently, and he had a brother, or something? Hansel thought it might just be him, but they weren’t making much sense. He brushed it off. Focused on Luci. He bought her cotton candy, and popcorn, and she seemed to be having a good time, she was just -- quiet. Stuck next to him. Smiled at Roddy, looked a bit nervous about the others.

Hansel wasn’t paying enough fucking attention. He had too much on his mind -- when the fucking town guard showed up all he wanted to do was gut them if they tried to pull Roddy away. Fucking absurd -- Roddy killing someone. But he hadn’t brought his weapons with him to pick Luci up, because he didn’t want to -- to look like himself. Like a pirate. Wanted to look like a normal fucking person, for a little while. And he could tell he wasn’t going to be any goddamn help with this investigation bullshit, so he decided:

If the others couldn’t solve this, he would. He’d kill the entire fucking town guard if he had to. He’d be the town guard. The fuck were they going to do then? Let anyone fucking try to hurt his kid.

But he needed his weapons. He didn’t want Luci to know what he was planning unless it actually became the only option. Goro and Nixie and Larkin -- they were fucking smart, and they were working on this shit. It’d probably be fine. But they needed a backup plan, and he was going to be that backup plan. So he told Luci he needed to get something from the castle, but she should stay in town. Told her to hang out with Goro. He figured -- well, he didn’t know what he figured. That Goro would look after his kid, he guessed. Didn’t seem unreasonable. Whatever.

And he headed back to the castle alone.

He could smell rain in the air, not yet fallen. Out over the horizon, the sky seemed clear, though. He shook it off; just needed his trident and his shield. Then back to town. It was going to be fine. Roddy was going to be fine, and whatever Luci was here for -- fuck, maybe she really did feel bad about saying that shit, at least in front of Roddy. Maybe it was all just … fine. For once. He could be so fucking lucky.

Hansel retrieved his gear from his bedroom, and went back downstairs, and he heard a voice of thunder.

It said: *Wait*.

Dizziness washed over him, and it said: *Wait for them.*

His gut clenched, and it said: *Wait for them, and kill them all.*

He still had control of himself. Calm and focused, he told himself, seven seconds in, seven seconds out, calm and focused, clear skies, calm seas, clear skies, calm seas. He bolted back through the castle, through the courtyard, tearing off his bandolier and his belt -- threw them out into the lake as hard as he could. Then the armor. They were going to have to kill him. He had to make it easier for them.

The sky laughed at him. He dropped to all fours and shuddered. Calm seas. Clear skies. The air smelled singed, like a lightning strike -- he couldn’t breathe. Shoved himself back up, stumbled into the castle again. Fuck, god, Luci was here. Luci was going to be here. And Mishka was in Skyport for the day. It’d -- it’d be Goro, and Roddy and Nixie, and Gwydion, and maybe Larkin. Fucking hopefully Larkin. She’d kill him. He could still count on her for that, surely.

He made it back up the stairs as thunder shook the castle, made all of the windows rattle, keened through his head. White knuckles on the bannister. God, why hadn’t he -- why hadn’t he pushed Mishka on this. Come up with a plan. A real plan. But Mishka wasn’t here. Was that on *purpose* --

The black wooden shield with the red chevron hung on his wall, over the fireplace. He grabbed it and just … held it to his chest. It was old, and chipped and a bit scorched. He’d repainted it a thousand times. Refinished it. Even after the Red Blade was no more, it was -- it was all he had left. He held it to his chest, and ground his teeth, and the silver locket around his neck bit into his palm.

Had to think. Where would it be easiest for them. He needed to get to the entrance hall -- make sure they saw him, right away, make sure he couldn’t surprise them.

What he needed to do was slit his own fucking throat, but then they’d just … find him. His hands shook too much to leave any kind of explanation. They could -- they could -- fuck, Serena and Hunter and the others, they’d all been fucking starving, and weak, and he’d had this thing in his head pushing him forwards. Not feeling the ache of hunger anymore. Mindless, oblivious when Hunter’s horn had gouged into his stomach. But the crew -- the Runners -- they were strong. They outnumbered him. They could -- yeah. They could do it. He told himself that, and he made it down the stairs again, inch by inch, feeling himself just slip, slowly, out of his body. He made it to the center of the entrance hall, Red Blade shield loose in his hand, and came to a stop.

There was nothing but thunder in his head. Rumbling, circling. His skin felt electric and his breaths came short first, then stopped for a while, then steadied. Certainty. All he felt was the certainty of battle -- he would win, or he would die, and that was how war worked, and that was good. He stared up at the sky, through the window, and it stared back at him with an unblinking red eye the size of the sun, wreathed in storm clouds, and it said:

*Wait.*

*Wait for them.*

*Wait for them, and kill them all.*

Hansel didn’t move. He stared up at it, and he waited.

Goro burst in the door, and Luci was right behind him, and for a fucking second Hansel remembered who he was. He remembered that he didn’t want to do this. God, he would never do this. But he did -- he charged forward and slammed his fist into Goro’s face, and lightning leaped from his hand. He could smell the frying flesh. He kept fucking smelling it, as the rest of the crew arrived, and he just kept fucking fighting them, and they kept falling, and getting back up, and trying so fucking hard to kill him.

He just wanted them to fucking kill him. He wanted to stop hurting them. He was trying, he wanted to tell them he was trying, but all he could do was bite his own tongue. Couldn’t even feel the pain, didn’t even know if he’d actually done it until the blood was running down his face. He remembered standing over Serena, mouth bleeding, faltering. He’d tried. He’d tried. He’d tried.

Mishka cracked into the room, and he couldn’t tell if he was horrified or fucking relieved. Mishka was stronger than the rest of them -- if anyone could do this, it was him, and he’d said he would if it was the only option, and most of Hansel’s fucking crew was on the floor or trying to get the rest to their feet -- Goro and Roddy were dragging Luci away and she was screaming something about saving him but thank fucking god, Goro was looking out for his kid, Roddy was protecting her -- it was the last option, it was Plan Z time, for fucksake, Mishka --

He acted fast, and grabbed Hansel, and tried -- something -- but the magic couldn’t find purchase.

Please, please, Hansel thought. Don’t. No. Please.

And he thanked whatever might be up there that was on his side when Mishka’s rapier pierced him, and Larkin got in close with her knives -- vicious little shit, god, he fuckin’ loved that kid -- and Gwydion’s magic found its mark.

The sky growled his name and said, *I’m not done with you,* and he closed his eyes, and thought, *Fuck you.*