Definetly a Bad Gambit!

Definitely a Bad Gambit! is the sixth chapter in the Wombles Five.

Suddenly Gambit came along. “Do you know why Purdey was on top of your car?” asked Mrs Peel.  “On top of my car?”  “She said eating a chocolate bar.” Said Purdey.  “That’s the wrong way round!” complained Mrs Peel.  “Wrong way round?”  “Oh never mind, anyway I’m going to go to the beach.” Mrs Peel started walking away when Gambit said, “By the way what does your immortality device run on?” “Um… electricity, but why?” replied Mrs Peel.  “I just wondered.  Can I come with to the beach?”  “Ok?” So Gambit followed her to the beach.

When they got there an ice cream van suddenly came along.  “Would you like an ice cream?” asked Gambit, seeming kind of mysterious. “Ok?”  Mrs Peel wasn’t sure what else to say anymore, because it appeared that Ok was the only word she remembered how to pronounce.

Gambit went up to the ice cream van then leapt inside it.  Mrs Peel wasn’t watching, she was just staring at the sea rather confused. Gambit knocked out the driver and sat in the driver’s seat.  He started the engine and drove the truck towards Mrs Peel.  It hit her and she fell into the sea.  “Hey!” she said.  “The immortality device runs on electricity!  Electricity and water don’t mix!”

She was starting to crackle all over with electricity.  She tried her best to swim back to shore, but the electricity was stopping her.  She gasped and fell underwater.  Gambit drove away in the ice cream truck just before the whole beach started crackling with electricity and set fire.

Mrs Peel woke up in pain. She looked at her hands and they were black.  She was black and charred  all over. “My clothes!  My wig!” she cried to nobody.  She got up as best as she could and saw a white light.  “My eyes!  I can’t take sunlight anymore!” she shouted.  The white light got bigger and bigger until it was all the horrified Mrs Peel could see.  “Heeellllooooo!” said the white light.  “Rover!” said Mrs Peel.  Suddenly Rover raced back over the sea from where he had just arrived.

“Hello Mrs Peel!” said Tara. “Spot of trouble?” asked Venus. “Well obviously!” replied Mrs Peel. “Get in” said Tara pointing to a vehicle rather like a tank.  Mrs Peel was naked and burned so she did.  Venus started the big black armoured vehicle and headed straight for the sea.  “We’ll die!” shouted Mrs Peel.  “Don’t worry it’s amphibious!” said Tara.  The black armoured car was now a boat and it had Rover in it’s sites!

Steed answered the door at Grand Steed Manor.  A man in a grey bowler hat, suit with an umbrella and shoes to match was there. “Steed baby!” he said and hugged Steed hard.  “Johnny? It is Johnny?” asked Steed.  “Yeah baby!” shouted Johnny with a ridiculous grin. Purdey came over.  “Who is this?” she asked.  “Anyone you want babe!  Just anything for you, you fabalicious cutie!” replied Johnny.  “This is my twin brother Johnny, Johnny the horse they call him” explained Steed.  “Anything?” asked Purdey.  “Anything babe” replied Johnny.  “OK let’s go” said Purdey.

Johnny arrived back on his own.  “Purdey ditched you eh?” asked Steed.  “No man! She’s arriving now!” he replied. Purdey arrived in a yellow two-seater MG sports car.  “I didn’t think you had a car Purdey” said Steed.  “Johnny bought it for me!  I’ve been eyeing it for weeks but couldn’t afford it!  And Gambit won’t buy me anything because I won’t go out with him” replied Purdey.

Cathy came in with the babies.  “John! It’s your turn!” she said throwing them across the room to Steed.  Steed had got a bit over confident so he caught them and immediately started juggling. “Don’t juggle the babies!” shouted Cathy.  Steed stopped.  “And who is this?  Looks dishy!” said Johnny.  Cathy looked from Steed to Johnny.  Just then Joe came in.  Now Cathy was confused.  So was Purdey.  She took Joe’s arm and headed out with him for drive in her new car.  “Let’s go Johnny!” she said.  Joe didn’t answer.

The Avengers had to call the Army.  Commander Bond was fighting the strange tough wombles with his men.  The wombles were incredible.  Every bullet they cut down, every punch they blocked.  All with just swords.

Venus, Tara and Mrs Peel arrived in Scotland.  Mrs Peel was helped into SCAR HQ.  “Are you feeling better?” asked Venus.  “No” replied Mrs Peel wishing she had stayed on the beach.  “Never mind!” said Tara shoving Mrs Peel into a cell.  Venus and Tara went into a big hall.  They sat on benches with the robot Roy Walkers.  A screen appeared on the wall.  “This is your leader speaking” said a voice.  The voice was coming from old fashioned looking teddy bear.  It was a strange voice as if somebody had breathed in too much helium.  The bear gave its instructions.  “Yes Mr Teddy Bear!” Tara and Venus said together.  The bear snapped it’s paws and the screen closed.

At Grand Steed Manor, Johnny had gone off to get Purdey, and Steed had explained to Cathy. “Well,” said Cathy. “Our normal life is quite exhausting. I feel rather hungry.” “Here, have this.” Said Steed, handing her a sausage. Cathy looked confused. “What?” asked Steed. “Why does this sausage say ‘killer has rose tattoo on wrist’ on it?” asked Cathy. “It’s evidence for an investigation I did with Mrs.Peel.” replied Steed. “I told her to eat it, but she never did.” “Well, I don’t blame her!” said Cathy and dropped the sausage on the floor.  She went out to find a decent eating place.  Steed also went out but he was going to drive his Jaguar all round London.  Once he had driven less than halfway, he gave up and got out and heard a screeching noise.  He fell unconscious to the ground.

Steed woke up in a weird place.  It was yellow, indigo, violet, brown and turqoise.  He got up and his head spun.  He got to his feet again.  After a long time, he found a violet door.  He went in.  There was a ball and a Rolls Royce there (not the royal one).  Steed get into the car and felt strangely terrified.  He got out.  Then he fainted and woke up in a corridor.  He tried the yellow door.  He got hit back by a playful kitten.  Then Steed tried the brown.  A woman kicked him out-literally, that is. Steed tried the turqoise.  A robot duplicate of Purdey did ballet into him.  She went back and curtseyed.  The open doors all mysteriously closed.  Steed opened the indigo one.  Nothing happened, so he went in.  “Welcome.” Said a man’s voice which echoed after speaking.  “John Steed.”  “Why are you welcoming me?” asked Steed.  “See if you can find your way out.”  Steed walked forwards.  After 6 miles, he found a 15-coloured door.  He opened it and found his car.  He looked back and saw the weird place was an ordinary-looking building with a machine.  He realized it was something that sent out stuff to steal something and directed newly-made frost and stuff.

Cathy had finally found a decent eating place.  It was Eat At Joe’s, because that had re-opened.  For some reason Joe wasn’t there.  Cathy asked the member of staff behind the desk where he was. They said they didn’t know.  Cathy shrugged and looked at the menu.  She was rather confused now.  One of the things on the menu was Venussian Octopus Pie.  Suddenly Joe came in.  “Sorry I’m late” he said.  “Purdey thought I was Johnny.”  No one knew what he was talking about, but didn’t say anything.  Then Steed came in.  “Um” said Cathy.  “If we’re both here then who is looking after Thomas and Lucy?”  Steed blinked.  “Well… no one.” He said.  Cathy sighed and went home.

The TV was on.  Cathy tried to turn it off but it gave her an exciting look back again.  First it showed her, Steed and Bungo putting lots of vices on Dr Jon Von Pincher. Then it showed her and Steed interrogating Dr Jon Von Pincher and Dr Diabolical Diablo with a flamethrower but accidentally killing them.  Then it showed her punching and kicking Tara a lot.  Then it showed her gloating at Steed.  Then it showed her gloating at Anna who was no longer the queen.  Then it showed her hitting Rhonda with a hammer. “That was in the previous look back!” she said, but carried on watching.  Next it showed her throwing Peter Peel on the floor.  Then it showed her killing Mrs Peel.  Then it stopped and changed into a weird blue cat singing, “Underground, overground, meowying free, the meowys of crimefighting common are we, making good use of the criminals we catch, criminals that we put in prison and latch!”  Cathy turned it off.  Suddenly she heard a meow next to her.  She jumped and looked around.  She saw the weird blue cat that had been on the TV.  “Hi I’m Meowykins.” It said.  Cathy blinked.  “Meowykins?” she asked a rather confused voice.  “Yes.” Replied Meowykins, and started dancing around.  “WHAT are you doing?” asked Cathy.  “The doodle” replied Meowykins.  Suddenly the radio turned on.  This is the song that was playing:

*Mr Snoodle*

*Do the doodle*

*Mr Snoodle*

*Do the doodle*

*Mr Snoodle*

*Do the doodle*

*Do the doodle do*

Cathy picked the cat up gently.  “Why are you blue?” she asked.  “Meow meow meow meow meow meow mew meow me-ow!” replied Meowykins really quickly. “Um, I don’t speak cat, and even if I did, then that would be way too fast for me to make out.” Said Cathy.  Meowykins suddenly jumped into Lucy’s cot.  “Hey!  Get back here!” said Cathy, and started chasing Meowykins round and round the house. Finally Meowykins ran out of breath. She lay on her side and panted. “Meowykins!  What a silly cat you are!” said Cathy.  Then Thomas and Lucy started crying.  Meowykins yelped and hit behind the sofa.  “Meowykins!” said Cathy again, shaking her head.  “It’s only Thomas and Lucy!  They won’t hurt you!”  Meowykins slowly came out from her hiding place, then said, “Wait a minute! You’re the queen!  Sorry that I didn’t recognise you.  Can I be the royal cat?”

“Yes you can!” replied Cathy.  Purdey poked her head round the door.  “Cathy we’re needed” she said.  Cathy and Purdey headed outside.  Steed was sitting in green Range Rover.  Gambit was in a white Range Rover.  “Get in!” they said at the same time.  Purdey got in with Steed.  Cathy got in with Gambit.  Steed and Gambit raced each other to Wimbledon Common.

Cathy was shocked to see the Avengers and the Army fighting what looked super-charged ninja wombles. Steed leapt out and started hitting them with his hat and umbrella.  Purdey was kicking them.  Cathy was throwing them about.  Gambit was punching them, kicking them and throwing them.  The fight was over in a few minutes.  The tough wombles looked unconscious but suddenly leapt up.  Ropes appeared.  The tough wombles grabbed them and flew off in a giant airship with V on the side.  “The Vombles Vill be back!” shouted their leader.

The leader of the Army marched up to Steed and saluted.  Steed saluted back.  “Major Steed! Thank you but really we were doing fine!” said Commander Bond.  “Who are you?” asked Steed.  “Bond, Commander Bond” replied Commander Bond.  “Take a look at this” said Steed who had just found a package on the common. “Oh!” said Commander Bond.  “And this” said Steed who had just opened the package.  “Oh!” said Commander Bond.  “How many do you see?” asked Steed.  “Seven” said Commander Bond.

Cathy, Purdey and Gambit were staring at the ground.  Steed suddenly noticed and stopped looking at the package.  “What are you staring at?” he asked.  “Well look!” said Cathy, Purdey & Gambit.  Steed looked.  “Why is there blood there?” he asked.  The others just continued staring.  Commander Bond looked.  “There isn’t!” he said to Steed.  “Yes, there is, I can see it.” Replied Steed. “No, it’s just that a lot of sparkling Rose wine got spilt earlier.” Explained Commander Bond.  There was a sudden crash.  Everybody looked and saw two lots of broken crockery with a load of coffee.  Meowykins was on top of it all.  She was also behind it all.  “Meowykins!” said Cathy.  “What?” asked everyone else.  “She’s the Royal Cat now,” said Cathy.  “But I have no idea where she came from.”

Just then Tara and Venus appeared.  They grabbed Cathy & took her to SCAR HQ.  Everyone except Commander Bond followed them (which includes the contents of the package).