Season 2, Episode 3: The Unbearable Linkness of Peeing

*The following article contains spoilers for Season 2. Please listen to the season in its entirety or be warned!*

## The Unbearable Linkness of Peeing

### Air date

22 February 2022

**The Unbearable Linkness of Peeing** is the 3rd episode of season 2 of *Dungeons and Daddies*.

## Episode Description

*The teens decompress and regroup after a solid effort at clearing their first incursion.*

## Introduction

Seven-year-old host Billy Watson welcomes the audience to *Awesome Lives Done Quick*, the "ultimate speedrunning challenge." He summarizes Taylor and Link's speedrunning attempts in the previous episode before joining Scary's in-progress attempt and excitedly delivering commentary on her record-breaking run.

## Rad Facts

* Taylor Swift (Freddie Wong): Taylor is a fan of the anime remakes of *Disney* movies that exist in the future, but not the original versions.
* Lincoln "Link" Li-Wilson (Matt Arnold): While he was homeschooled, Link's favorite class was PE - which was "Personal Entertainment", not Physical Education. This typically consisted of playing soccer while his dad was doing errands, coincidentally becoming a more standard PE class.
* Normal Oak (Will Campos): Normal lives for two things: the rush of cheering on the team at the big game and fundraising bake sales.
* Theresa "Terry/Scary" Marlowe (Beth May): Scary, like 10-12% of the population, is left-handed.
* Dungeon Master (Anthony Burch): Anthony's first crush as a teen was Lacey Chabert.

## Plot Summary

### Saturday

The Teens put the Tinkerer in a locked dog kennel and Scary Marlowe drives each of the Teens home. Taylor Swift brings a cake to his mom, Cassandra, to congratulate her on her new voice acting job. Lincoln Li-Wilson greets his father Marco and immediately breaks down about his job at D.A.D.D.I.E.S. and the weight of the three deaths on his conscience. Marco plays *FIFA* with Link to help comfort and calm him. Normal Oak brings The Tinkerer to his house and asks his mother, Rebecca, if he can keep a new pet. She asks what kind of dog he is, and he merely replies that it won't be staying long. Scary opens her laptop, ignoring her mother and goes to the website *www.cryptolivejournaldreamwidthbandwidthfanfiction.net.com* to make a new post.

### Sunday

Anxious to get The Tinkerer out of his house, Normal texts the other Teens to ask about what they should do that day. Scary immediately leaves the group chat. Link does not respond. He goes to the police to deliver a confession about the deaths of the firefighters, but the police write him off. Taylor offers to help Normal with The Tinkerer and invites him over.

Normal brings The Tinkerer, along with a skateboard he can't ride, to Taylor's house. Taylor calls an Uber and talks to Normal about his research on increasing reports of various paranormal activity. Normal realizes that he forgot his mascot suit and jumps out of the car to go home and retrieve it, telling Taylor to go to D.A.D.D.I.ES. headquarters without him. To his dismay, he finds Rebecca washing it. She tries to assure him that Lark and Sparrow are merely on a business trip over the course of the afternoon. He eventually looks out the window a few hours later to see Taylor still waiting in the Uber with The Tinkerer. Normal rejoins Taylor and they go to the D.A.D.D.I.E.S. offices. They arrive to find it empty and remember that no one is working because it's a Sunday. Normal doesn't want to take The Tinkerer back home, so he and Taylor decide to leave the Tinkerer locked in a kennel with water and some snacks until the next day.

### Monday

#### San Dimas High School

Link arrives late to urology class carrying his homework (a urine sample). In his hurry, he stumbles and spills it on the teacher's shoes. The teacher immediately sends him to detention, and the class starts chanting "piss boy." Link realizes that bringing the urine sample was not actually homework; it was a prank played on him by the varsity soccer team, who mocks him for being dehydrated based on the color of his urine sample.

Scary volunteers to go to detention with him. Anxious about missing more time with his new friends, Normal stands up and tips his desk over to try to antagonize the teacher, who just offers to let him go to detention if he wants to. Taylor confirms that the soccer team will take notes for him and joins the other Teens on their way to detention. They find Link in the hall guzzling water, as the comments about dehydration got to him more than any of the other teasing. Link tells them to go back to class, but Normal responds that they're a team and will stand together.

Normal offers to let Link to wear the mascot suit to cheer him up, but Link promptly declines. The group listens to some of Scary's newest lyrics. The Teens receive a call on their badges from Agent Mae Hailes asking where they are. Apparently, she forgot they were high schoolers and expected them to come to work on a daily basis. She chastises them for not warning her about the Tinkerer inside headquarters; they counter with the fact that they don't have her phone number. Hailes acquiesces and gives them her number, but tells them not to text her after 7 PM.

Link tells everyone that he went to the police about the deaths at the elementary school. The group is upset, but Agent Hailes is calmed when he adds that they didn't believe him. The Teens decide to skip school to go to D.A.D.D.I.E.S. On the way out, Link leaves a detailed note in the school's office about their plans to skip school, along with contact information for each of their parents.

#### D.A.D.D.I.E.S. Headquarters

Agent Hailes greets them at D.A.D.D.I.E.S. headquarters and tells them that the Flesh Wall gave her 20 Daddy Warbucks, but took 5 back due to the civilian deaths. The Teens ask her if she's learned anything about how to find their fathers. She tells them that she pulled the files on the Obsidian Door and Code Purple but found them heavily redacted. Link asks what the word "redacted" means. Hailes explains that some of the information in the files has been censored, possibly for the reader's protection; she tells the group about a "meme virus," which hurts the person who knows or reads about it - similar to The Game.

Hailes tells them that she believes their parents were on a quest to isolate the Doodler. She also shows them a note from Terry that reads: "What do you do when your arm itches?" Link asks if there's an urgent reason Hailes pulled them out of school. She tells him that they wouldn't have learned anything of value in school anyways and sends them downstairs to visit the sentient whale.

#### James the Whale

They enter the hangar-sized room housing the whale in an enormous saltwater tank. They find an envelope containing a personal appeal from James, the sentient whale. The letter tells them that he is a living encyclopedia but that his tank requires money to keep him alive and implores them to donate to his tank to keep it functioning.

Scary and Taylor scoff at giving any money to the whale, but Link convinces Taylor to ask any question himself after paying James. Immediately after Taylor puts a Warbuck into the slot, Link asks James where their dads are, and he tells them to descend to find out. They give him another to ask where to descend, which he answers "at the bottom of the dungeon." Link puts another Warbuck in to clarify that he's talking about this, and not another, dungeon and that their fathers are there. The whale repeats that they must go to the bottom to find them. Normal feeds another Warbuck and asks him to write up a urology report for them.

At the bottom of the stairs, they find a large purple door with four outlines that match their bodies. Taylor and Scary enter their recessions in the door, but it pushes them out and says, "Incomplete." Normal realizes that he won't fit in the mascot costume and tries to squeeze in. The door tells him to remove the costume, and he complies bashfully. The Teens enter the door together, and while the door says they are incomplete, it also says that they have insufficient Daddy Magic. Agent Hailes suggests that they might be able to augment their Daddy Magic through some kind of ritual using items owns by their dads.

Link immediately produces an inordinate number of items from his father and begins rubbing them on himself, asking if that's enough. She elaborates that she believes these would be items hidden by their dads to serve as stores of Daddy Magic. They ask her about Taylor, as he fits into the D.A.D.D.I.E.S. framework but doesn't know his father, and she offers to look into it while they're on their next mission.

Their badges alert them to an incursion at San Dimas High School, and they hear a voice counting to five repeatedly. They head to the vending machine and exchange their remaining ten Warbucks for two gold keys. Behind the first door they open, Scary finds The Kellogg K nife. In the second room, they find the Wand of Wonder, which Normal takes due to its resemblance to a marching baton.

#### San Dimas High School: Lunch Time

They retrieve the van from Link's house and pick up Taylor's sword cane from his home. Link notices that the note he left behind has been taken, but they manage to sneak in without being seen by Vice Principal Pepperoni Tony. In the cafeteria, they find that everything appears normal. Taylor approaches a table of his friends, and he introduces them to the Teens. One of the girls, Margarita, smells the scent of vomit from Normal having worn the mascot costume and calls him disgusting, and Scary snaps back that it's disgusting that her name is Margarita Pizza. As she raises a finger and begins to respond, they hear a brief horn blare and a pop. They suddenly see that Margarita's finger is missing, and blood begins streaming from her finger.

Scary quips, "You were saying, *bitch?*"

## Quotes

* *Will*: "Now, wait a second. Is it a left-handed car?"
	+ *Beth*: "In what universe-"
	+ *Freddie*: "IT'S CALLED JAPAN, BETH."
* "Nice piss work, piss boy. Why don't you shit your pants now and go for some extra credit?" - *The Varsity Soccer Team, to Lincoln Li-Wilson*
* "Goddamn, that kid's so cool. If there's one kid who doesn't need to know about the prostate, it's that kid." - *The urology teacher, on Taylor Swift*
* "The devil on my shoulder likes angel hair pasta, and I am a victim of rage, rage, rage." *- Scary Marlowe's latest lyric*

## Trivia

* The title is a reference to the 1984 novel and 1988 film *The Unbearable Lightness of Being*.
* Beth's Rad Fact about Scary being left-handed echoes Ron Stampler's Dad Fact (that he is right-handed) from episode 6 of the *Odyssey* campaign.
* James Whale and his letter are references to Wikipedia co-founder Jimmy Wales sporadic banners on Wikipedia asking for readers to donate to help cover the site's operating costs.
* Taylor Swift's email address is nekomaster69@yahooligans.com, and his password is "the entirety of the *Neon Genesis Evangelion* script typed out in leetspeak.
* The sports announcer for the introduction was voiced by SanchoWest.

## Continuity

* During Beth's Rad Fact, Matt informs the group that left-handed people have a lower life expectancy, making them "statistically more likely to die." Consequently, Anthony plans to have Beth roll a d100 at the beginning of every episode; a 0 will mean that she dies, and a 100 will make her immortal.
* The is the second time that Link's urine has been on the urology teacher's shoes, as he was given detention in the first episode for accidentally peeing the teacher's foot.