Space Pirates

A Cave Painting depicting the discovery of the TUUUUUUUUUUBE. Many of these have been preserved as digital images in the Galatactic Federation Museum.

## Physical description

### Species

Zero Idea, they keep genetically modifying themselves to the point where nobody knows

### Eye color

Varies; red when they see TUUUUUUUBES

The Space Pirates are a bunch of Strange Little Creatures bent on Galactic Domination. They are obsessed with TUUUUUBES, despite them being easily used by Samus to traverse easily throughout their bases. We do not know why they are drawn to TUUUUUBES, but they are. They are ruled by Ridley who is always forcing them to make Science, despite the little D00ds not knowing a thing about it. So, to help these misguided little beings, Ridley decided to create a elite team of only the stupidest Pirates, dubbed Science Team.

## History

The Space Pirates were originally just a nomadic race, one that lived on Utraghus, a inhospitable planet with acid rain. All of the life-forms lived below the surface, scavenging for food. The Pirates were among them. One day, a space shuttle crash-landed on the planet, into the cave. The Pilot was quickly killed and eaten by the Pirates, but his ship was intact. Out of it, rolled a TUUUUUUBE. They used the TUUUUUUBE to hold up the ship as a canopy, and for the first time in their life the little Pirates were able to see the outside. They praised the TUUUUUUBE as their god. Eventually, they discovered the distress beacon. Some kids hit it with some rocks for fun, and then a couple days later a rescue ship came. The pirates killed and ate the pilot, and then slowly but surely expanded their civilization, using the distress beacons to camp the pilots until the Federation sent in an armed vessel. They were able to safely land, but the soldiers were no match for the pirates bludgeoning them with TUUUUUUBES. The Pirates stole their armor and guns, with plenty to spare on the dropship. Then, they found it. The Hazard shield. This handy device was able to allow them to build a huge fortress on the surface, after they hooked up the poor thing to the ship's engine, creating a giant forcefield from the rain. The Federation eventually got tired of losing troopers, so they sent one final squad to defeat these pesky scavengers, and no more after that. They severely underestimated the Space Pirates, and proved no match for their stolen artillery cannons and TUUUUUUBE weaponry. They took the armor and guns, and ate the soldiers as per tradition, but decided not to dismantle the ship. They decided to take it for a ride, to find the Mother TUUUUUUBE, whose coming would bring an age of prosperity, as claimed the prophecy written by the Elder Pirates. They found it. Or so they thought. In reality, what happened is that the Pirates used Ballistic Missiles to shoot up a Space Station that served as an orphanage, and then abused the tractor beam to take it back to Utraghus. The Media blamed the Federation, but they claimed that the atrocity was committed by Space Pirates. The news of Pirates shooting up orphanages piqued Ridley's attention, and he personally travelled to Utraghus to investigate. The Pirates thought that he was the chosen one, destined to bring the Mother TUUUUUUBE. He accepted it, and thus the Pirates were formed.

## Etymology

The term Space Pirates is not at all accurate. It was actually attributed to them by a Federation Biologist who left his spell-checker off. In reality, they are named Space Pierats, as their primary diet is eating "Space Pie", a naturally-formed food made by rock being softened by Acid Rain into a Pie-esque shape, hence the name. It is actually very nutritious, as it contains minerals that are considered to be important to our health.

## Physiology

The Original Pierats are tall and are covered in fur around their heads, with pointy ears and sharp claws. They come in a variety of colors, the most common of them being white. However, depending on the environment at birth, Pierats will change color accordingly. It is unknown which conditions produce which colors. Their eyes are normally black, but can change to red whenever they see a TUUUUUUBE. Some state that their eyes turn red because of the deep spiritual connection between Pierats and TUUUUUUBES. In pierat bedtime stories, they are all centered around the wonders of the TUUUUUUBE.

## List of usages of TUUUUUUBES

The TUUUUUUBE is a wonderful creation, and serves many purposes.

* You can use a TUUUUUUBE as a blunt object to beat an enemy to death with!

* You can cut a TUUUUUUBE and have a Hula-Hoop!
* You can access interdimensional rifts if you hit them hard enough with one of your faithful TUUUUUUBES!
* And So much more!

## Architecture

Space Pirate Architecture is quite odd, most likely due to the fact that they are severely incompetent, and need someone in charge to make sure they don't fuck-up whatever Evil Plan of the week they are currently working on. Many notable instances include, but are not limited to:

* Doors that need specific weaponry to open, that almost none of the pirates have access to, but Samus has at her disposal at any given moment
* Leaving weapons and upgrades out in the open with little to no defense, other than a simple puzzle or a obstacle course in the way
* Having large, round slots that require Metal Spheres to open, which are easily used by Samus to her advantage.
	+ Another thing, they will construct slots similar to those aforementioned, but they require small, compact explosives to open, despite samus also having direct access to that kind of weaponry
* Using actual parasites as door guards