Ramblin' Frank's Matinee

**Ramblin' Frank's Matinee** is a radio show which plays over the loudspeakers in and around the Ramblin' Rock Club during the Morning. It is also heard over the Alarm Clock on the beach where Colt wakes up every Morning, just outside the door to his bunker.

The show is hosted by Frank Spicer and plays a set list of Frank Spicer songs, interspersed with interludes and stories from the man himself.

## Songs

* Lady S
* Ode to Somewhere
* The Revenant
* You Have No Class

## Interludes

The following are transcripts of the different interludes which play between the songs during the show.

* *So you just woke up and don't know what's happening, don't fret Ramblin' Frank's got you covered like a warm blanket. Here's my first track off my first album, oh boy time flies, well, at least it used to. Happy First Day everybody!*

* *Ramblin' Frank here and boy do I got a song for you. Each and every one of you. It's all the music you'll ever need.*

* *This is Ramblin' Frank's Matinee. Our next song goes out to all the no-class junkies turning Fristad Rock into "Freeloader-stad". Wake up! What have you done with your lives, huh? I've been punching clocks at fucking 8! Fuckers.*

* *I gotta tell you that guitar solo is one tough nut to crack. We did sixty takes and Jimbo still couldn't get it right, so our producer says "Each time you fuck up we're doing a shot." (clears throat) And sure enough a half hour later we're crawling on the floor shit-faced. That's when Rackoff our drummer took Jimbo's guitar and nailed it on the first take. Ha! What a guy.*

* *Now, this is kinda gross so adults only, right? We were nearing our 500th show in a row, y'know 'cause that's show biz these days. And Rackoff's hemorrhoids were the size of apples. Y'know on account of all the sittin'. Poor guy. (coughs) And this house band, bunch of yahoos, gave us this hodge-podge they called stew. Rackoff tastes and calls me, "Spicy!" I said, "What!" He said, "No, spicy!" he says. (chuckles) I didn't get him, right? He was talkin' about the stew. And 'ey I'm into spicy myself—unless it means mopping up Rackoff's bloody diarrhea from the fuckin' tour bus. (clears throat) So, we set that shit house on fire and stole us a new one from the house band. They fuckin' owed us after that stew! Luck for us, Rodge has got a real heavy foot. So, we left the pigs in the dust.*

* *This is Ramblin' Frank's Matinee, and if there's really a crazy mofo out there tryna kill us all, well you better kill us good 'cause we're comin' back. Alright? Alright!*

* *Hey, you swingin' kids best not miss the fireworks tonight. I'll be striking the match personally, so you know it's gonna be somethin' special.*

* *People keep asking about the Kartova Incident, so fuckin' fine already. Take it straight from the source. You hear somethin' different, it's slander. So we're doin' the Grand Hotel before it was desecrated by nobodies like Gizmo Lafortuna and in between shows this fuckin' bellhop-lookin' motherfucker walks up to me and says, "I'd kill you right now, but my sister loved Pleasure Time." Heh. Well, I told him I had the pleasure time with his sister last night and I left him there to think about it. Really, there would have been nothing more to it if I didn't cross Bibby in the john five minutes later beaten to a pulp. (coughs) So, I caught that bellhop fucker in the parking lot and I put a half dozen bullets in his skull. So what! No one gives my pianist a black eye. We're brothers. We're one! Okay? So that was self-defense, if anything.*

* *Prison was tough. I don't wish that on the worst scum, not even my tour manager. So naturally I wanted to pick my way out of there. Hey, just an FYI, your wrists are too slow and too easy to fix. But then again slicing your throat with a cafeteria knife is no easy task either. Heh. Hey talk about a mood killer. Here's a little something to cheer you up.*

* *By the time my third album came out, the hearings were already in full swing. You know, showbiz is a TWO-FACED WHORE. But she's also got a good side. And she didn't abandon her golden boy in his fucking hour of need. Oh no. (coughs) So, in comes Aleksis, who I've met previously at one of them topless pool parties at the Imperial and he tells me "I need you to share your music with the future of this land" and I go "What? Like fucking kids' shows?!" And he laughs, "Nah nah man," he takes off his glasses, "Ever heard of the AEON Program?'" Ladies and gentlemen, it is such a pleasure to be here on this lovely, most beautiful, I mean really swingin' Isle of Blackreef.*

* *Lady S started out as a single lyric. Back then I was involved with an otherwise lovely but jealous woman. She couldn't understand that showbiz just isn't made for pursuing one romantic relationship at a time. (clears throat) So she was screaming at me over this hot piece named Cass and one thing she called me really stuck in my head - "Maggot in the pie". Ha! Funny right? Cos she was a horrible cook. So I was this maggot but her food was shit. (laughs) I don't know, I thought it was funny. So that line stuck with me. And there you have it - Lady S, a squiggling maggot in the bile of shit that was my life.*

* *I've been noodling this little ditty in my spare time. It's about a broken friendship, about a man I admired, I looked up to. And every now and again, I loved. Wow, what a disappointment. This one is for you...**Colt**.*

* *This is Ramblin' Frank's Matinee and boy you look great today. Yes you, all of you. Here's some velvety music for all you breathtaking merrymakers.*

* (singing) ♫ *To all the pretty girls I told a thousand pretty lies. To all the boys I've kissed I've told a million goodbyes. You took my hands, said we'd dance and washed it all away. We're born alone to die alone and nothing good can stay. Walk to the water, breathe in the smoke. Blow out my candles, try not to choke. Cos I'd like to pull this trigger, not for loving not for fun. With your pretty mouth wrapped tight around the barrel of my gun.* ♫