Headhunters 5: The Thirsty Thirteen

## Introduction

It may have been Al Snow's Fav Squad but it wasn't Glorio's.

## In Memorium: Al Snow's Fav Squad

Five weeks, two former champions down.

The cracks started to show for Al Snow two weeks ago, when the normally strong team finished twelfth and had Latavius Murray on his bench nearly tripling the score of QB Mac Jones. The origins of his demise had already taken root. Murray was a late September add, replacing Jaleel McLaughlin. McLaughlin took over for the injured Javonte immediately after and broke 20 points in back-to-back games. Then, on September 29th, he traded away Joshua Dobbs for Khalil Herbert. A move, at the time, that seemed harmless. But Dobbs ended up with 42.05 against San Francisco that week and would, at the very least, not score -2.05 in week five.

In week five the dream of repeating on top collapsed when players started dropping like heads from the guillotine. First it was newly acquired Khalil Herbert on Thursday night, bending in a way that was not doctor recommended.

Then on Sunday it was first round pick Justin Jefferson, who had broken 149 in each of his first three games while catching 6+ balls in each of his first four games. On that field, the only thing broken was fantasy owners' hopes and dreams. Add in the subtraction for Mac Jones & the divided Patriots lockerroom and his problems began to multiply. Rhamondre Stevendone refused to be good at football and Hunter Henry wasn't even eligible to receive a participation trophy. Maybe in hindsight betting your life on the worst offense in football wasn't the best idea. I mean the guy even had Demario Douglas on his bench. Talk about an embarrassment of riches. There was so much talent on the Patriots he didn't know who to start!

Al Snow always likes to live on the edge when it comes to bidding. If it gets him eliminated, fine. But if he survives long enough than he has enough money to come over the top on just about anybody. But that day never came in 2023. Instead, he posted the single worse week in the history of the league. not a bad consolation prize!

A trade that backfired. An add/drop that backfired. A lack of bidding that backfired. His back was on fire, and now he's back to the pits of hell for the remainder of 2023.

Al Snow's Fav Squad:

## Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022 v 2023)

Al Snow has now finished the same or worse in each passing season.

## Dead Money

Keeping track of all the cash that never got spent by teams that are now eliminated.

Dead Money 2023

Al adds $931 clams to the pile.

## Top New Releases

Another interesting week as yet again injuries plagued the team getting chopped.

1. Justin Jefferson
2. Deebo Samuel
3. Davante Adams
4. Khalil Herbert
5. Jerry Jeudy

## Week Five Bidding Results

### Quick-Hit Thoughts

* Last Year's Most Expensive Player: Kyler Murray - $549 (Out of Luck)
* Biggest Overpay: CeeDee Lamb ($128 over next highest bid - deCaPitated)
* Narrowest Margin of Bid Victory: Joe Mixon ($3 over next hight bid - Jeff Probst)
* Really happy Al Snow was able to sneak one 69 joke in there on his way out the door.
* This is the first time a single player has gone for over $500 twice in the same season (Tyreek).
* Considering Evans was on a bye, it is interesting that he went for far less than the other premiere WRs who were on the market.

## Excessive Spend

Excessive spend is anything over a single dollar more than the next highest bid for the player you won, and does not take into account the talent level or value of the player.

## Money Spent Per Week

A total of 61 players bid on through four rounds of bidding is insane.

## Week Five Results

* Biggest Climber: Müller Lite/deCaPitated (^7)
* Biggest Faller: RIP Diggs (v9)

## Draft Dodgers

The first top five pick to bite the dust & also the first WR/RB taken after three QBs and Travis Kelce.

## Kings of the Castle

### 1. Extra Tight Ends

Who says money can't buy happiness. ETE still only has one QB on the roster, but they gambled in the opening round of the draft and took Travis Kelce and that has paid off so far. He gained 10 points on the TE premium this week. Slap that together with the massive bid this week on Tyreek Hill and the combo net them 80.40 points. For those keeping score at home, Al Snow only scored 88.11 total points. ETE also pulled off a trade for Puka Nacua on 9/27 and so far that exchange for the 249th overall pick has paid off.

### 2. Müller Lite

Every starter broke 10 points, even Tony Pollard who has looked absolutely terrible yet somehow is still averaging 4.2 per attempt. Curtis Samuel simply refuses to go away. Even Zach Wilson got in on the fun, reaching a whopping 75% of his projection which is progress! I can't troll Zach Wilson too much, he has secured 3rd place in the AFC East with his win this week, a feat that I don't think the Patriots are capable of for the rest of the season. Hopefully Müller is ready to drop some dough because these good times won't last beyond week 6 as things stand now. He has five starters plus his defense with week 7 byes.

### 3. Monty's Python

Python continues to snake his way to the top, making Al Snow green with envy as he consistently breaks 200 without spending any FAAB. With Achane set to miss time, Raheem Mostert should get a bump, and David Monty has basically ran Jahmyr Gibbs into irrelevance. Even KJ Osborn got a bump this week with Jefferson set to miss a month or more. Everything is coming up Monty.

### 4. Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack

Bad Boys is putting together his best season yet, and has his strongest roster to match. Now that Cooper Kupp has returned and Breece Hall has been taken off the leash, Bad Boys seems guaranteed to make his deepest run ever. The question remains: can he shore up his QB spots before the talent level of the other teams catch up to his?

### 5. Headless Horsemen

Joe Burrow...back? It's really a mixed bag for Headless. Zack Moss may be losing his starting role to Jonathan Taylor, but when? He dropped 51.08 on the bench this week, while Taylor finished with 5.35 in the starting role. Who does Headless start in week six? Achane ran for 37.53 points but is now down for the count, and Aaron Jones is the only replacement on the bench. But Jones is on the bye in week six. WR help is coming, with Godwin and Metcalf returning to action, but there could be some urgency in the bidding period for HH.

## On the Chopping Block

### 13. RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh

This team can hardly afford another RIP in its name. Diggs is the only player worth his weight in FAAB, though both Perine and Warren beat their small projections in week five. Losing Anthony Richardson means sure-oh is rolling out the all-letdown team in Baker/Carr. They really need to get Tee Higgins back so that they don't need to play Rashit Bateman or Kadarius Phony.

### 12. Henry VIII

Keeps spending money but literally nothing is happening. This has been the story of Commish through four plus seasons. It's around now that he gets chopped because he has yet to improve at any position since the game began. He needed one catch from Jayden Reed to move ahead of RIP Diggs in the standings this week and got it..AND THAT WAS IT. Their saving grace right now is a talented 1-2 punch at QB, and the boom potential of Addison/Garrett Wilson on any given week.

### 11. Jeff Probst' Tribe

Survivng, but not thriving, Jeff Probst managed to escape without the Sun GAWD Amon-Ra, Keenan Allen, and Saquon Barkley. Getting all three back would be like winning big at auction but not having to spend any more money. This week, the injury is to Danny Dimes though, and losing a QB is a big hit. Still, being able to bench Tyler Allgeier, who has turned into Tyler Disappear, and Gus the Broken Down Bus Edwards, should boost this squad in the rankings.

### 10. Obi-Wan Mahomie

I think having two Commanders, a Giant, a Titan, and a Cardinal on your starting roster is typically a recipe for mediocrity, and that's been proven by Obi's fringe bottom-five finish every week. But in this business, fringe bottom-five gets you the same as first place...until it chops your head off. Mahomes and Stafford anchor a pretty mundane team, but with potential. Sort of like a group of singers on the Voice who aren't professional but they have a lot of talent and you could maybe see one or two of them getting a hit single before fading again into obscurity.

### 9. The Guilloteam

Guilly Lock is running his most conservative campaign to date, riding the success of the Josh Duo (Allen and Dobbs) and hoping the emergence of Tank Dell/Christian Watson is real. Watson and Dillon will go down this week, but Elijah Moore/Kenneth Walker will sub back in and on aggregate that's probably an upgrade? The Kyle Pitts experience remains as volatile as ever and it's only a matter of time before it bits him in the ass in the most awful way possible for a Falcons fan.

## Average Scores of Eliminated Teams

Average Scores of Eliminated Teams
 Jethro's Glorious Team
 Out of Luck
 Bobecue Chicken
 Hasta Laviska Baby

## Narrow Defeats

Margin of Defeat for Last Place Teams:

Margin of Defeat for Eliminated Teams
 Jethro's Glorious Team
 Out of Luck
 Bobecue Chicken
 Al Snow's Fav Squad

Not even close

## Rulers of the Kingdom

2023 first place finishers:

Top Scorers by Week
 2
 3
 4
 5

TEXT

## Dungeon Dwellers

2023 teams that finished second-to-last, narrowly avoiding elimination:

Low Scorers by Week
 2
 3
 4
 5

## Single Season Scoring Records

As teams get eliminated, their single season performance will appear here. Bolded lines indicate performances from the current season.

## All-Time Combined Points Scored

Same as above: eliminated teams will have their 2023 season added to the total. Bolded lines indicate that the record has been updated through 2023.