Daniel Fucks/Quotes

### The Big Guy

* "Here, have a little bit of a strange new pleasure on me, we've just discovered this one. This one is that one time a barber whispered in our ear during a haircut and it made us feel really strange, and there's not a word for it yet... Listen to me, it's not sexual. But it's also not Not sexual." -to the guy Donny Urges knocked down

* "Ooh, not too tight, or maybe.." -to Chief Tightass handcuffing him

### Grappling With Death

* "Conrad stands between me and my ultimate ambition, unfettered pleasure. And the only thing standing in the way of that is this damn gnat that keeps biting at me. Yes, it's- it's terrible. You see, because without the conscious, we are free to pursue all the dreams that I want and a life of unfettered pleasure and that's what's holding us back, you see, so Conrad is my mortal enemy, that's why. Plus he's a little shit." -to Justin Fication

### Emergency Powers

* "I think the answer is clear here. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we have a very clear choice set before us." {Anastasia Tension, "There's no jury."} "Oh, right." {Judge Connie Fusion, "I think it's just me."} "Oh, yes, yes. Judge, judge, yes yes yes. We can see what ruinous road that ambition has lead us upon. It is chaos outside. Roads exploding, it's been raining nonstop. How many of us remember the sun? I will simply say this. My counsel has represented me adequately, if not a little bit... But here, before us, are two marshmallows, you see. We could have one marshmallow now." {A. Tension, "Nope."} "That's me, pleasure. That's what we get." {Anastasia Tension, "Nope."} "Or you could talk maybe two marshmallows later." {A. Tension, "Nope."} "But we've been waiting this whole time! This guy sucks! A vote for me is a vote for a marshmallow immediately." {farmer civilian, "That second marshmallow's never coming!"}

### Case Closed

* "All right, it's time to come clean. Conrad," {Conrad, "Uh huh."} "Are you a gambling man?" {Conrad, "No."} "Well, luckily for you, I am, and I detect within you a potential for a huge payoff, but not perhaps in the way you may think. I see the way you look at me, but the powers vested in me by these emergency powers thanks to my attorney has given me a broader perspective on things. Here's my plan. Just like, hear me out a second. Don Avaricci wishes to enter a partnership with me and to rule this land and the land of pleasure and vices, but I see that that is only a short-term solution. In order to do this, in order to enact this regime change, as it were, he demands the head, the death of you, Conrad. Now, I am quite inclined for such a thing, but these recent events, these days, this time I have spent with you my, hm, dare I say, new friends has given me a different perspective, different idea. So like, this idea, I think, is even better than the previous good idea I had, which as we know turned out perfectly fine." {Conrad, "Uh, just to double check, Mr. Fucks, you're willing to give away... ab- ultimate power in this city, wealth, pleasure, all kinds, everything to save me the little-"} "No, absolutely not, you dolt!" {Conrad, "Oh, sorry, I thought-"} "I plan on getting all of that!"

* "Conrad, you little shit!" {Conrad,"H-hey, I'm a little bit taller now."} "You medium-sized rapscallion! I may have judged you harshly. I'd like to show you around. I know you've been scrabbling around in the streets here. Well, I have a little bit of scratch left over when I was doing the renovations to my club, you see. Here, follow me. I have something to show you. Ah, it's not through here though, here, follow me. Over here! This is your alley now! I put a little overhanging eve for you. I know you like sleeping on the street, the little rapscallion that you are, but I think we could perhaps be, mm, partners. Of course, the rent is due on the first of every month." {Conrad, "Wow."} "And you will take a 30, I will take a 30-70. I will be the 70, you'll be the 30 on the cut in terms of all the new business that you're bringing to my club." {Conrad, "Wow, Mr. Fucks, the inside was so nice. Thank you for this little bit of your outside. And you know what, I think with this new money, I'm gonna buy myself a new jacket. It's gonna be green."}