TRP: Anwyll, Mishka, and Raef (Forgive Me)

MINK

[Day: 407 Setting: Kitchen]

Another kettle on, fruit pulled out and rinsed to now rest on a cutting board.   They split easily with the freshly sharpened knife.   He should've just gone to bed.  Should've dragged himself up there after Hansel left him (he didn't want to be alone), but he couldn't.  Not yet.  Felt too fuckin' tense - a thin string ready to snap.

Raef blew out a puff of air.  Instead he chopped fruits for breakfast and for pies and for whatever else the fuck he wanted to make the next day.

And he drank tea, wishing it was something stronger.

Wishing none of this shit had happened.  Maybe them he wouldn't be angrily slicing fruit at fucking midnight.

He scowled down at the strawberries before dumping them into a bowl.  Then he grabbed the bananas be had pulled out.  They were next on his list.

COYOTE

Once he was done showing Goro around the castle, Mishka padded downstairs to do a sweep the castle and check where everyone was. He liked knowing where everyone was; it made him feel calmer.

He felt emotionally empty, like he'd used all his feelings up for the day. It was almost a pleasant sort of emptiness.

Chopping noises came from the kitchen. Mishka paused, then peeked in.

MINK

Some of the bananas joined a bowl of strawberries and the rest were placed into a bowl.  He grabbed the sugar to pour some in with the strawberry-banana bowl.  He'd put it in the ice box later.

He still didn't feel any better so he grabbed the peaches.

The knife slipped and he swore as he popped a finger into his mouth.   The board wound up with a knife embedded in it.

COYOTE

Mishka padded into the room, vaguely wanting to help. He was still a bit tipsy from his earlier sangria. He wondered if Raef would like some sangria. He rested against the counter next to Raef.

MINK

One moment it was him, a knife, and fruit.  The next someone else joined him.  Raef jumped, wrenched the knife out of the board, and faced Mishka before he realized who it was.

"Fuckin-goddammit-shit," he gasped, lowering the knife, his other hand touching his chest. "Shit...Mishka...you scared the fuck out of me."

COYOTE

Mishka uncorked a bottle of red wine and began pouring it into a glass. "Can I steal some fruit, love?"

MINK

"Go for it." Raef nodded and returned to cutting peaches.  "There's, uh, apples in the icebox." He'd gone through those first.  He'd gone through most of the fruit already.  Couple of peaches left...and...maybe an orange.

COYOTE

Mishka began to rapidly slice up a peach after stealing some strawberries. He hummed as he worked, adding sugar and finely distilled vodka from his private stash. Once he was done, he offered the glass to Raef. "I made you a gift," he said. "It's alcohol."

MINK

Raef snorted as he took the glass. "You're a bad influence." Being fully sober was out the window.  He took a sip of the drink.  It was fuckin' good.

COYOTE

"I am an amazing influence," Mishka said, "just like alcohol, which is an amazing influence. Raef. Sweetheart. Raef." He patted Raef's face. "Why are you awake? What's wrong? Come. Come lie on the couch with me. Cuddle with me."

MINK

Raef chuckled.  Mishka was drunk.  He'd be right there with him in a moment. "Mmm...you are..." he agreed.  He took another sip, buying a little more time before he nodded.  His face felt too hot.

He hesitated a moment before he took Mishka's hand to lead him off to the couch.  Fuckin' sounded amazing.

COYOTE

Mishka took the wine-- and the vodka-- with him. He found his way to the upper rooms, to the large overstuffed couch by the fire, and nestled himself there in a small pile of blankets, leaving plenty of space for Raef.

MINK

Raef followed.  Fuck.  He left the fruit on the counter...he could deal with it later.  Right now he wanted to be with Mishka...he didn't want to be alone...awake and alone...

He sipped his drink as he followed.  By the time they were in the room it was almost gone.  He settled down into the blankets after Mishka was settled.  He finished his drink before he hooked an arm around Mishka's waist.  Maybe it was too close.  He'd pull away, but first -

He gave Mishka a squeeze.

COYOTE

Mishka immediately sprawled into Raef's lap like a happy cat and looked up at him, doe-eyed.

MINK

Raef smiled and ran his fingers through Mishka's hair; it was soft and flowed nicely through his fingers.

"...why're you up?" he asked, taking a few strands to work them into a braid.

COYOTE

"Been having a lowkey anxiety attack for ages," Mishka said. "Worried about Hansel. Worried about Goro. Worried about you. Getting drunk now. Alcohol's a depressant, y'know. Did you know that? Slows your heartbeat and such. Figured it'd counteract the... the anxiety feelings."

MINK

Raef's nose wrinkled, switching from braiding to more smoothing touches, or he hoped they were soothing. "... didn't know that," he answered.  He winced a little. "...it's gonna be alright."

COYOTE

"Pft. Bah. Bah, that's what everyone says," Mishka said. "I don't believe them. She's gonna get me again. I just know it. Feel it in my gut. That's how it is, y'know? I'm fucking terrified of things happening and I tell myself they won't, but then they do."

MINK

Raef frowned. "She's not gonna get you." The fuckin' bitch wasn't gonna touch Mishka.  She'd already gotten Goro and Anwyll.  She couldn't fucking get Mishka.

COYOTE

Mishka scoffed. "It's gonna be fine, though," he muttered. "Gonna have... plans. Strategies. For what to do if each one of us are taken. Gonna fix Goro, he's smart, he'll figure out how to take me down again if it happens."

He looked up at Raef from where his head was in Raef's lap. "How-- how are you? Are you okay?"

MINK

A smile tugged at his lips; Mishka always had plans.  He liked that.  "Yeah...he knows shit," he agreed.  Fucking Diva...getting in and fuckin' with him...

He worried his lip, attempted a smile, and failed. "I feel like shit." He reached for his glass nearby so he could finish off the drink. His chaver had killed his-his-he didn't know what Anwyll was and now Anwyll was consumed by Diva, trapped there, coming after his family...fuck.

He wanted more to drink so he plucked up the bottle of wine.

COYOTE

"Anwyll?" Mishka asked sympathetically.

MINK

"...yeah...and..." Raef shrugged and rolled his shoulders.  "...it's complicated..." When he thought about it, he didn't know if he should punch something or cry.

After drinking some wine he occupied his fingers with Mishka's hair, stroking it and twisting it lightly between his fingers.

"... can't believe the bitch has him..."

COYOTE

“Yeah,” Mishka said, guilty. “I thought— hm.”

MINK

"Hmm?" Raef turned another strand over. "What?"

COYOTE

“I don’t know. I just,” Mishka said, then dallied.

When Goro first told him that Anwyll ate him in a dream, Mishka had felt a keen rush of anger. Sharp and vicious as a knife made of metal folded over and beaten a thousand times into the finest edge. He’d thought, in detail, about the most efficient way to eliminate Anwyll, and decided— after lengthy internal debate— that the best thing to do was help Sam bring Pride to the Mortal Plane as fast as possible, then let Pride kill him. Pride would surely think of something suitably cruel, and suitably efficient, and Mishka really fucking wanted Anwyll to die both cruelly and efficiently. He wanted to make sure that Anwyll did not eat Goro again.

And then Anwyll had. Come to the mainland. And swallowed him whole. While Goro was having a nice time with his little sister. Scared the shit out of Goro, and triggered this— bizarre fucking memory loss.

Hansel was right. That wasn’t allowed, even if it was Raef’s patron. Mishka would kill him. Mishka would kill him.

But it was Diva. The whole time. It was Diva. Not Anwyll.

“I thought that Anwyll attacked Goro,” Mishka said quietly. “I didn’t believe you when you said that it wasn’t him. I thought Anwyll was... tricking you, gaslighting you, and... I wanted him dead. To get you away from him.”

MINK

Raef paused before resuming playing with Mishka's hair.  He s'posed it was sweet that Mishka wanted to make sure that he wasn't with someone that was messing with him, but that didn't stop the sting.  Hansel hadn't believed him either.

Now Goro was gone, Anwyll was lost.

More people he loved added to the list that never grew shorter.

Raef ran a hand over his face.  He took a shuddering breath, lowered his hand, and kept braiding Mishka's hair.

"It... it's..." fine, he was going to say. Everything's fine or it would be.  Except...he didn't believe it and his heart was sore. "...it's okay..." ...it was...had to be...Mishka only wanted to help, and Mishka knew...Mishka knew what it was like.

COYOTE

"What if he had, though?" Mishka said. "I mean-- y'can't let him fuck with Goro like that." He leaned pleasantly into Raef's touch.

MINK

Raef worried his tongue.  If Anwyll had done it, had gone after Goro...his took three more strands to braid.  His blood felt cool as it flowed through him...if Anwyll had...

"...then I'd've killed him..." Quick, painless, because he wouldn't want to, but it would've been his problem then.  Would've been his fault for bringing Anwyll into Goro's life.

COYOTE

Mishka felt kind've relieved, hearing that. It meant that Raef had boundaries, for one thing, and it meant that Raef was on their side, which felt important somehow. "That's all I wanted to know," he said, and kissed Raef's hand.

MINK

Raef smiled softly at the kiss.  He felt like he'd passed some sort of test...that also hurt...but maybe he couldn't blame Mishka, or anyone.

He sighed and took a swallow of wine, chasing it down with one more.

"...just want y'all to be safe..." he said, going back to what he was doing, which was petting Mishka's hair and lightly stroking down the side of his face.

COYOTE

Mishka felt comfortable with Raef.

He wished— at times— that he and Raef had met in Alabaster, and maybe Raef had run away with him instead of Aleks. That would’ve been better. He would’ve felt safer. Raef would’ve known what to do and where to go, because Raef had been an experienced assassin who knew what he was doing, and Mishka could’ve learned. They could’ve figured it out. There would have been no pressuring or controlling.

It could’ve been just like this: resting sweetly together by a popping and crackling fire, enjoying each other’s company and being on each other’s side.

He dozed off thinking about it. It was a nice fantasy. It made him feel safe.

MINK

Raef settled comfortably into the couch, twisting and playing with Mishka's hair with gentle touches.  This was...this was nice...Mishka was nice.  A little piece of home, a better piece.  A part he wish he had had.

He had it now, though, as they lay there.  He had Mishka with him.  Calm, comforting, warm, like the very fire he conjured.

...maybe Mishka would stay...

--

Rook spat out a wad of blood, glaring at Zak.  A sneer twisted his face. "You cheated."

"All's fair." Zak rolled his shoulders and pulled up his blade. "Come again."

Colors danced through the air, rock gave way to running water, running water have way to a lake.

Steel screeched across stone.  The sword hung heavy in his hands.  He was tired and sore.  He wanted the singing to come back.  He wanted Anwyll to come back.

He had lost him.  He didn't know when or where.  Just that he did and now he was walking an endless path.

COYOTE

The dream rippled and shifted. Then things began to move chaotically in the background, changing the landscape; the lake swirled and became an ocean, then a lake again, then a river.

Anwyll stepped into the dream. He looked tired, like it had taken a lot of effort to get here. He seemed surprised to see Rook. Rooted to the spot.

MINK

Rook staggered as the dream changed.  His sword slipped from his hand, too heavy to hold up, or he was too tired to carry it anymore.  He looked up at Anwyll through sheaths of sweat soaked, silver hair.

He smiled, relief written on his face and swelling in him.

Blood spilled out of his mouth.

"I-I'm sorry..." he whispered before pitching forward.

COYOTE

Anwyll dove forward to catch him, shock still written on his face. The dream instantly changed again, wiping away the lake and the river and transforming, instead, to Anwyll's lair, a comfortable bed in the middle of an enormous room.

Anwyll set Rook down carefully on the bed, trying not to jostle the wound. Trying not to cause him any unnecessary pain. Setting him down like he was made of the finest and most delicate glass, even though Rook certainly was not.

He began checking Rook's clothes, looking for a wound, anything he could help with.

MINK

Rook inhaled sharply, flinching when he was held and carried to be laid on the bed.  The rugs are the same as he remembered.  He shifted, uncomfortable.  His chest was tight and hot.

Blood dotted his clothing, vanished, and reappeared in a wide stain.

"...hah...missed you," he mumbled, reaching up to place a blood slick hand on the side of Anwyll's face.  His image wavered. "...s-sorry..."

COYOTE

Anwyll grasped his arms tightly, as though if he held Rook tightly enough then Rook would stay here. But Rook's form felt oddly soft and intangible in his arms--

Which was different from the first time that Rook died. Anwyll remembered it keenly. He remembered Rook's body going cold and stiff in his arms. Not like this.

"No, no," Anwyll whispered. "My love. Can you stay? Just a little longer."

MINK

Rook smiled again, soft, sweet, warm. "...I'm not...not...not leaving..." His clothes rippled, his skin shifted, changed, began to blow away in silver and purple wisps.  One breath could send him away, one movement, but the mist coalesced, thickened and weight returned.

Raef inhaled sharply, mist swirling and dancing at it was drawn in, coughing.  He felt sick and his chest hurt.  "...ow..." he hardly managed to get out before his eyes opened.  It took him a moment before he realized what he was seeing.  His heart leapt in his still-tender chest.  It felt as if he was seeing Anwyll after a very long time.

He smiled as he ran his fingers through Anwyll's hair. "Got you."

COYOTE

Anwyll held still, a moment, in surprise. Then the pieces connected, and he clutched Raef a little tighter, not breathing beyond that. Not moving.

He felt for the wound on Raef's chest and felt nothing. Whole. Alive.

He started to say something, but it caught in his throat. He wanted to say something. He wasn't sure what it was. But he wanted to.

Then, finally, he managed: "Raef?"

MINK

Raef shivered under the touches.  His chest didn't hurt as bad.  His heart still ached for something he couldn't place into words.

"... yeah..." he answered, slowly pushing up just so he could hook his arm around Anwyll's waist. "...I'm here."

COYOTE

Anwyll buried his face against Raef's neck, clutching him tight. "Raef," he choked out in disbelief. "Raef. What-- what on earth? You? It's you. It's you, my love. No. How? Is this-- is this a trick?"

MINK

Raef squeezed Anwyll tight, tangling a hand in his hair to hold him close. "I'm here...I'm here..." he whispered. He squeezed his eyes shut. "...I had to...I had to make sure you were still - still here."

COYOTE

Anwyll squeezed Raef's hand. "Raef. Gods. I'm so sorry. I need to tell you what happened."

MINK

Raef only loosened his grip enough to place a kiss to Anwyll's forehead. "...okay..." He didn't care, though.  He just wanted Anwyll back.  He wanted to hold him again, love him again, be with him again.

COYOTE

"Did Pride tell you what happened to me? That Gluttony has devoured me? That she controls me, now? That I am her host?"

MINK

Raef gave a jerky shake of his head "...Hans-Hansel told me," he whispered, throat feeling tight.

COYOTE

"She took control of me," Anwyll said. "And she devoured your friend. Goro. He's dead. I'm so sorry, Raef. I'm so sorry. I never thought... I didn't know..."

MINK

Raef shook his head. "He's alive." He smoothed down Anwyll's hair before holding his face in his hands. "He's alive and you're alive.  We're gonna save both of you."

He placed a kiss to Anwyll's forehead, his nose, and his lips. "...it's f-fine...it'll be fine..."

COYOTE

"He's-- he's alive? Oh. Oh, he must've... he teleported out, didn't he?"

MINK

"I don't know...he doesn't remember." Raef kept smoothing down Anwyll's hair.

COYOTE

Anwyll shuddered, but stilled when Raef stroked his hair. "Don't-- tell me things about what's going on. She'll know. She'll know he's alive, now."

MINK

Raef glanced around. "O-Okay..." He didn't understand, but the shudder was real beneath his hands.  He swallowed. "Are you...are you okay?"

COYOTE

Anwyll rested his face against Raef's forehead. "I'll manage."

MINK

Raef inhaled softly.  His heart broke.  "...I swear I'm going to get you back." His grip tightened for a moment. "... I promise."

COYOTE

"Ah," Anwyll said. He shook his head, nuzzling Raef's face in the same gesture. "Raef..."

MINK

"...hmm?"

COYOTE

"Don't."

MINK

"What?" Raef drew back a little so he could like Anwyll, frowning.

COYOTE

"Don't," Anwyll whispered. "I was wrong. She's much stronger than me. She's stronger than Pride. If he comes to the mortal plane, she'll see him out and infect him as well. And you, my love. She'll devour you too, if you come for me. Don't. Please, don't."

MINK

Raef shook his head. "I'm not leaving you." He cupped Anwyll's face gently, tracing his thumbs over his cheeks. "... you're not staying here. You're gonna..." He swallowed, trying to keep his voice steady.  "... you're gonna come back to me." He couldn't leave Anwyll here, couldn't leave him trapped.

COYOTE

"Ah," Anwyll said. "I probably deserve to stay her victim. The people I've killed, my love. The destruction. Stay with Pride and his warlock, and perhaps they will stay on your side and protect you. I mended fences with Pride as best I could."

MINK

"No." The word came out hard, stern, despite the growing tightened in his throat. Raef slid his hands down to rest on Anwyll's shoulders. "I don't care what you've done.  I know better." Hetraced his fingers down Anwyll's clavicle, down over his chest to come rest over his heart. "...I kn-know better...and...I'm not going to lose you." He pressed his forehead to Anwyll's. "...I can't live without you..."

COYOTE

"You have a husband," Anwyll murmured, very gently. He kissed Raef's forehead. "You have a child. You have your partner, Hansel. You have your friends. You have Goro, and that mouthy elf, and that tiefling girl you favor. You lived before me."

MINK

Raef swallowed thickly.  His mouth worked uselessly before his head dropped.  He tried to bite back the sobs that threatened spill out of him.  He knew that - he had them all...for now...they'd be gone, too..-- and it didn't stop his heart from being shredded, torn to pieces, with the thought of losing Anwyll.

"I c-can't..." He wiped his eyes wit the back of his sleeve before he looked up at Anwyll again. "...please...you said we'd-we'd be together..."

COYOTE

"Ah, my love," Anwyll said, distressed. "Don't cry." He wiped the tears off Raef's face. "If you try to help me, we will be together, because Gluttony will devour you. Is that the type of together you want? To be trapped here with me? No."

MINK

"She won't." Raef shook his head again.  But he didn't know; couldn't know just like he couldn't let Anwyll stay here.  He couldn't.  For a moment anger bubbled up, warring with that all-too-familiar hollowness. "...and she...she can't keep you.  You're mine."

COYOTE

Anwyll scoffed. "False. You are mine."

MINK

Raef chuckled through the tears. "Fuck you. I said it first."

COYOTE

"Doesn't make you right."

MINK

"Doesn't make me wrong." Raef wiped at his face again, sniffing. "You're mine...and I'm not...I'm not letting you go.  I fuckin'-fuckin' love you."

COYOTE

"I love you, too," Anwyll said.

As they sat, the landscape began to change again, subtly mutating. Black ooze crept through the halls of Anwyll's dream-lair. Anwyll did not seem to notice.

MINK

Raef rubbed his face; fuckin' blubbering like a kid...

He watched the ooze seeping through the lair.  He pressed closer to Anwyll and pulled him tight against him.  A bitter taste filled his mouth: fear and worry.

"...you're gonna be okay," he whispered before placing a kiss to Anwyll's forehead.

COYOTE

"I don't need to be okay," Anwyll murmured. "I told you that. Raef." He squeezed Raef's arm. "Rook. Why did you turn on me? What did I do?"

MINK

He needed Anwyll to be okay...needed him to be safe...needed him to come back home, out of this cage that oozed black sludge.

Raef's brow furrowed a little in confusion.  "What're you talking about?" he asked.  The fading ache in his chest pricked, bright and hot, making him inhaled sharply.

COYOTE

"My love," Anwyll said. "It's you. It was you. My warlock." He began kissing Raef's face, his cheeks, his neck, the damp section of collarbone where his shirt lay open. "In Menzoberranzan. You where him. You came back to me. You found me again."

MINK

Raef's eyes fluttered shut, each kiss drawing out a soft sigh.  His skin burned beneath the lips that trailed over him.  Little fires burned, starting low and sweet before they were gone.

The world wavered, a haze clouding his vision.

A frown peppered his face again, this time with confusion and a grimace of pain; his chest burned.

"...never gone..." he (someone) whispered.  He trailed his fingers through Anwyll's hair and pulled his head up to place a kiss on his lips. "...I didn't want to, my love..."

COYOTE

"Then-- why? What for?" Anwyll murmured. "Who made you? Why?"

MINK

Rook (Raef) nuzzled his face against Anwyll's.  He pressed a kiss close to Anwyll's ear. "...Aster..." He grimaced. That hurt, too.

COYOTE

"Who?"

MINK

"...an old lover..." Old now.  Hadn't been then...Rook squeezed Anwyll; he was tired and his chest ached. "...in the-in the city..." A tired, sick sort of smile twisted his lips...it was a long time ago now...He sighed and nestled his face into Anwyll's neck. "...forgive me..."

[End]

TRP: Anwyll, Mishka, and Raef (Forgive Me). Day 407. Raef and Mishka enjoy each other's company after a long day and night.  They bond over drinks and cuddles. Anwyll meets Rook after centuries of not seeing him and learns that Rook has chosen to reincarnate as Raef.   Anwyll asks Raef not to help him, Raef refuses to listen.