recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
Vallia Bladesinger

Vallia Bladesinger, an elven military hero and founder of the Bladesinger Academy, is the last of the people now known as the grey elves to be lauded by the elven people. She was the one to lead the elven armies in the War for the Woods against natives, definitively setting the boundaries of the Silver Woods, which would remain, more or less, until the Great War. She was slain in the early years of The Separation, preventing her from ever falling under the dread influence which would ruin her brethren in the years to come.

## History

At the time of Vallia’s birth, the world had yet to be told who the elves were, and what right they had in it. The fear her kind faced each day was not by the humans back then; it was from the Others, who still held Linnath in an iron grip. As she grew in age and skill, both magical and martial, Vallia discovered a new method of swordsmanship, learning a verse of the Song of Creation, though she would never learn its true nature. Chanting the song and fighting as if in a deadly dance with her sword as her partner, the Bladesinger soon proved herself on the field of battle, pushing the borders of the Silver Woods back to the Wildlands, where they would stay until the establishment of Cziskilamonia in 0 AK.

Once the new borders of the Kingdom were established and the Others expelled, Vallia began giving her knowledge to a new generation, teaching some of her soldiers the verse she had discovered and showing them how to move with the song. Thus, the Academy was established and eventually built. She would usher in a new tradition which would continue far beyond her lifetime. She would eventually marry Fayrin the Conjurer, and raise a family with him.

Having lived a long life, she eventually met her end at the hands of Saby’lene Brizz’denn, her former apprentice and one of the first Matron Mothers of the elves who would soon become known as the Drow.

## Impact

For some, Vallia has become a beacon of hope for the conversion of the drow away from their dark gods. For others, her death marks the end of an era of any hope of reconciliation between the peoples. These opinions have come to overshadow her other accomplishments, especially after the destruction of the Academy in the Great War and the subsequent loss of her methods. Vallia lived and died in and for unity, but today, her memory causes only division.

## Interesting Facts

- Invented the method of magical practice known as Bladesinging

- Established *The Academy*

- Personally slew a number of the Others.

- Fought alongside the other school heads to slay the Terrasque unleashed by the Others.

- Her sword, Leit, is rumored to reside in the depths of The Academy’s catacombs.
Charlene Spooner

**Charlene Spooner** is one of the many ex-wives of James Spooner that attend his funeral in *Dust and Scrub, Scrub and Dust* in Belinda Blinked 6. She is known to have been bitter about the order of the funeral procession being decided by who had sex with Spooner last, and was particularly angry at one of his other ex-wives, Beryl Spooner.
The Void Dwellers

Floating in the chaos which falls beyond the ocean, the Void Dwellers are malevolent, putrid beings who believe themselves superior to the Spirits – and even Katelikessar himself. They desire nothing more than to pervert and destroy the God’s creation, hoping to prove themselves as his superiors.

## Personal Info

### Appearance

Horrors involving tentacles, mouths, and eyes**

## Appearance

The Void Dwellers, it is said, have bodies beyond order – appendages and features which never cease their fluctuations and adjustments. These features, however, will often include tentacles, a plethora of mouths and eyes, and other shapes designed by their owners to discomfort and disquiet those creatures which Katelikessar values most.

## Powers

Those who swim among the major lines have access to knowledge beyond mortal minds. The Void Dwellers are immortal, and have seen countless ages pass by as they lie unchanging. They love to promise this information to mortals, neglecting to mention that the way they process information is enough to drive even those who are strong of mind insane.

These beings can also put this knowledge to good use, connecting themselves to the minds of others and manipulating them through force of will, much like enchantment magic. What’s more, they have innate abilities much like other magical effects. These beings are powerful enough to patron warlocks, but not enough to create a cleric or paladin.

Void Dwellers are fueled by their hatred, consuming anything and everything created. The ambition of each of these things is to devour the beautiful world which Katelikessar created. In the meantime, they occupy themselves by creating and subsequently consuming various inferior worlds, each one a cruel mockery of Katelikessar’s creation. This unique ability to create one’s own food source allows each of the Void Dwellers to be completely self reliant, and as a result, they are very far from sociable, even with one another.

## Church & Servants

The churches and cults dedicated to the Void Dwellers are less about worship, and more concerned with accepting the inevitable fate they believe all with suffer – the eventual consumption of all that is. The worlds created by the Void Dwellers are rife with these cults, as the dark gods are eager to display their power over their subjects, and seek to show the mortals just how pathetic their fates are.

In the True World, cults of the Void Dwellers share the same acceptance of the world’s fate, though their despair is much less founded, in reality. So deep is the cultists’ insanity, that they often wish not only to patiently await the coming of their destroyers, but to actively seek them out and bring them to the places they call home, bringing the end of all.
Cziskilamonia

Cziskilamonia is one of the kingdoms of Linnath, and formerly one of the most powerful. It is a theocracy, lead by the head of the Katelikessan Church, the Katiskan. In recent years it has lost much of its power due to the rise of its sworn enemy, Sancterram.

## History

There has always been a Katiskan in Czi, since the beginning of the world. Indeed, Cziskilamonia was from the start the most advanced of all the kingdoms, with knights and clerics of great power and repute. It was only at the personal request of Katelikessar himself that they did not conquer the realms of Linnath, instead building up a great wall around the city of Czi and its surrounding countryside. This project resulted in the White Wall of Cziskilamonia, which has never fallen to enemy attackers.

It was at the request of Katelikessar that the Katiskan gave his aid and land to the first king of Bourles, and at his command that the Katiskan named the Bourlesian monarchs the defenders and protectors of Katelikessar.

But soon enough, strife arose between the Katiskan and the surrounding princes, as the balance between Temporal and religious power shifted. Kings and leaders would rebel against the control of the Katiskan, and the Church would respond in kind with its armies and powers. Most troublesome were the elves, who often found themselves drawn instead to their own so-called deities. Finally this culminated in The Wooden War against the elves and the proclamation by Katiskan Sout VI of, "The Rebels Against the Lord of Light", a document which was used for centuries to justify the repression of elves, and their treatment as second-class citizens.
Septark

Septark, the Lord of War, is one of the Spirits of Linnath. He has the third most numerous church in the realm, though the one which is also most prone to heresy. There are whispers that Septark himself has grown discontent with Katelikessar and seeks greater power for himself amongst the Spirits.

## General Info

### Patronage

Lord of War, Lord of Smiths, Lord of the Sword, Forger of Men

## Appearance

Depicted as a strong and noble warrior, Septark's statues and icons may even sometimes be considered intimidating. It is not unheard of for his clergy to enchant statues of him to animate and defend their compounds.

His image is perhaps even more well known than Katelikessar, and is features prominently on the banners of almost every nation's armies.

His cloak, which is of the purest white, is crafted from hide of the White Lion of Milvertus, Nyvarra. It was enchanted by the Arvaella to give Septark immeasurable strength and protection from all physical blows.

It is said that fighters who endure long and massive battles unscathed were possessed by the God, and granted the protection of his cloak, thus it is common for soldiers to wear white cloaks under their mantles.

## Powers

It is said that any weapon which touches even the hem of Septark's cloak without malice shall be imbued with powerful magics, and armour blessed by him becomes nearly impenetrable.

His stamina is unmatched, he can fight for decades without lowering the blade once in tiredness. It is said that he can smith even out of the essence of creation, the only one able to tap into this source apart from Katelikessar and Sara.

It is said that his gaze alone inspires bravery in his allies, and hopelessness in his enemies. Those who meet his gaze lose any thought of surrender or running away, even if the odds be hopelessly against them.

With his mighty shout, he can deafen and blind his foes, and terrify them into muteness. He will not hesitate to resort to less than honorable tactics to win the day.

## Church & Servants

Though the Church of Septark is the third most numerous of the Linnathian Churches, in recent years it has been so plagued by heresies and divisions that when only those faithful to orthodox teachings are considered his is now the seventh largest church. For the followers of Septark have been especially prone to revolt against the Accepted Order of the Gods since the very beginning, and indeed the number of heretical sects has only increased in recent years.

The priests of Septark do not wear vestments as the other churches do, instead their marks consist of a simple brown stole with crossed warhammers at either end. Otherwise, the majority wear clothing of their own choosing, most commonly of armour made of metal.
Sulenna

Sulenna, the Lady of the Waves, is one of the Spirits of Linnath. She is considered Co-patron and ruler of the seas along with her sister, Sara. Though considered somewhat powerful in her own right, most of her powers are attributed instead to Sara.

## General Info

### Patronage

Lady of the Waves, Regent of the Seas, Captor of Men's Hearts

## Appearance

Sulenna is often portrayed in art and literature as a lithe and beautiful woman with flowing raven hair. Often she is dressed in the colours of the sea, white and light blue. It is said that there is never a cloudy sky in the area where she is present.

At times she is depicted as a mermaid or within the waves of water itself, and her beauty is said to be charmingly simple, and her voice in like to the beauty of Katelikessar's.

## Powers

Sulenna has complete control of the seas and every body of water in Linnath, though she often bows to the will of Sara her sister. Sulenna, of all the spirits, spends the most time within Linnath. Often she will take on the appearance of a mermaid or aquatic elf, and has been known to lure ships away from the shores from whence they disappear to her own realm.

Her realm is said to surround the entirety of the Celestial Sphere, and ships filled with sailors lost to her sail it. Far from being prisoners though, it is said to be the height of a sailor's dreams and desires to find the waters of Sulenna's realm.

## Church & Servants

Sulanna has one of the smaller churches of all the Divines, with most of her clergy serving in port cities, on ships, or upon Sulanna's Isle. This is in part due to the suspicion and mistrust in which people hold her for her habit of stealing away ships filled with sailors to sail her celestial waters.

Her clergy often wear robes and vestments of sea green and foam white, matching the shades of their Spirit's Domain.
Vaylair the Grand

Half sorcerer himself, Vaylair the Grand was an ancient elven adventurer and hero, helping to found what would become the capital of the Silver Woods, Linden, as well as founding Fahrzemmar, a school aimed to help train a new generations of elven evokers.

## History

Born into magic, Vaylair started his life as a sorcerer, amazing even those who held a more high-strung view of magic with his impressive displays of power. Parlour tricks and street shows did not satisfy the young elf, however, and he soon took to adventuring, discovering relics left behind by the Others and making way for a new kingdom in the dangerous Woods of Linnath.

Yet Vaylair’s eccentricity was without bounds, and not even the life of adventuring was without elements that the mage would describe as “humdrum.” As such, when Ahnwyndis Vaellara and her sister approached him to help found the school of Evocation, Fahrzemmar, he jumped on the opportunity to try his hand at a new challenge (both the school and the charming demigod).

It soon became apparent, however, that the hard work did not belong to Vaylair, but to those around him and the school he ran. After it burned down for the fifth time, Tellia was forced to move Fahrzemmar from its cozy countryside town to the peak of a hill away from flammable areas and people. Nevertheless, the school flourished under Vaylair, and he showed that although he had been the first to call himself “the Grand,” he was still more than capable of earning the title from others as well.

In Vaylair's mind, however, his greatest claim to fame was his relationship with Ahnwyndis, which blossomed into love, marriage, and children. The raising of these 3 girls and 2 boys proved to be Vaylair's greatest challenge -- and his greatest joy.

Vaylair’s last adventure was the slaying of the Terrasque. Sacrificing himself in an attempt to save his students, his country, and his friends. The Grand Mage died the same way he did everything else; in a great ball of fire.

## Impact

Vaylair’s influence on the art of Evocation was both a blessing and a curse. He has been the inspiration of dozens, if not hundreds of wizards to follow after his footsteps in the practice of the art, but the flair and daring behaviours he encouraged in his teachings has been seen by some as cheapening the art, making it the practice of charlatans and cheap conjurers. Vaylair loved magic and all it brought, but no one can deny that he had very little idea of the control needed to harness such powers. His teaching methods have been abandoned, though he is used to epitomise the zeal any wizard should have in his craft.

## Interesting Facts

- The phrase, “a Vaylair and a half,” is now used to describe someone over-eager for acts of daring-do or bravado.

- It is said that the descendants of Vaylair and Ahnwyndis still walk the earth today, and that the blood of Vaylair remains potent enough that many a sorcerer owes their powers to a few drops of his blood.

- He fought with the other school founders and was killed by a Terrasque unleashed by the Others.
Katelikessar

Katelikessar is considered by the majority of the realm the only god of the Linnathian Pantheon. He is known as the Lord of Music, Light, and Song. His followers form The Katelikessan Church.

## Appearance

Katelikessar is often depicted in art and literature as an innocent youth bearing palm fronds or some kind of musical instrument. In these depictions he always bears a serene countenance and often has one hand tenderly extended to the viewer as if welcoming them to join him.

In art, Katelikessar is one of the most well-represented of the pantheon, and his images can be found in almost every church of every spirit in Linnath. Often he is depicted even in the art of the other Spirit's churches, often figuring as a kindly fatherly figure despite his youthful appearance.

## Powers

Katelikessar's voice is rumoured to be able to cure the soul of any wicked creature when he lifts it in song, and is so beautiful that just hearing it is enough to send one into a permanent charmed state.

It is said that with a touch of the palm fronds he carries with him he can end hostilities between any party, and have them leave as the best of friends from there on out.

It is said that all weapons made by man or mortal will refuse to strike Katelikessar and rather turn upon its owner, imbued with sentience and a hatred for any who would dare try to strike at such a goodly god.

Darkness cannot exist on his plane of existence, and evil creatures will wither and die. Even shadows find no room in the plane of Katelikessar despite the light that he emits.

## Church & Servants

The Katelikessan Church is hierarchical in nature, headed by the Katiskan of Cziskilamonia, a sprawling theocracy that once was among the most powerful realms in Linnath. Katelikessar's clergy often wear white robes and chasubles splayed in golden harps. On feast days these are replaced with gold garments splayed with colourful musical notes. On days of mourning, black takes the colour, the vestments giving off a pale, shimmering light.

Katelikessar's Church ordains different vestments for each of the different ranks within the Church. These are, The Cleric Regular, The Scribes, The Kasks, The High Kasks, and The Katiskan.
Massea

Massea, the Lady of Love, is one of the Spirits of Linnath. She is the most widely worshiped of the Linnathian spirits. Her temples are the largest after Katelikessar's, and her clergy surpass his even in number.

## General Info

### Patronage

Lady Love, The World's Sapphire, Lady of Crystals, Beloved, The Most Beautiful of All Creation

## Appearance

Massea is said to be the most beautiful of all creatures in existence, and especially beloved by Katelikessar. No man has ever seen her Divine Form, and it is forbidden to make images of her.

Most of her representations and statues, therefore, are taken from the appearance of her High Priestess, who is said to be the Avatar of Massea.

## Powers

Massea's appearance is enough to entrance any mortal who gazes upon her, and even the other Spirits and Katelikessar himself are not immune to its charm. The robes and gems she wears are the most pure to ever exist, and their value is beyond any compare. A single lock of her hair would be worth enough to buy the entire world a hundred times over.

She is the Patroness of families, and it is said that a single touch from her High Priestess can cure infertility no matter how great or magical. Massea herself is unable to be denied by any creature divine or mortal, though her love is such that she does not use this to her own gains.

Of all the Spirits, she loves most the Children of Katelikessar.

## Church & Followers

The Massean Church is the most expansive of all the spirits in the realm, and in recent years it has overcome even Katelikessar's in size. For non-human races (Apart from Dwarves) love her dearly, and her following among humans has always been strong.

Her clergy dress in beautiful dresses and vestments, and adorn themselves in gems and crystals of great beauty. Perfume is considered to be a sign of holiness, and they smell of it constantly. Her paladins dress in the roman or greek style.

Her High Priestess is selected from her most beautiful clergy, and is the most powerful Cleric in the entire realms, though again, the love of Massea fills her so completely so as to make it seem this was not the case.

There are two types of Massean Clergy, Missioned and Unmissioned. The Unmissioned make the majority, and stay at temples preaching the word of Massea. The Missioned are those who have taken vows to see the spread of love throughout the realms, and to collect beautiful things for Massea. The highest achievement of any Missioned is to find the truest of loves.
Raevumil

The Spirit of time, Raevumil was created by Katelikessar to govern the flow of the universe from one moment to the next. She would become fond of the desert region of Wransia and became its patroness, adopting the style of their people.

## General Info

### Patronage

Lady of Time, Queen of the Sands, Queen of the Wanderers, Lady Hourglass

## Appearance

Raevumil took on an appearance based on Wransia, her favored people. She is often shown among swirling sands and is known to appear to travelers in the desert to guide them and sometimes even give them predictions of the future, though she does this sparingly.

Raevumil's face is almost always impassive, but not cold. She does not decide people's fates, but she does need to carry them out, even if she does not like to.

## Powers

Raevumil can read the sands of time. While this does not give her omnipotence, she can tell where the courses of events seem to be headed, like watching sand in a storm to see where the wind is going. She can also create figures out of sand, either herself or golems. Time and sand are also at Raevumil's command, though she will not use her powers to change what has happened.

## Church and Servants

Although Raevumil has her largest group of followers in Wransia, she also has a significant church in the rest of Linnath. Her priests do their best to protect the flow of time and are also asked to accompany groups of travelers -- from gypsies to traveling diplomats -- to protect them physically and spiritually. Raevumil's church has even set up a public transportation system in her name, providing relatively safe transit for everyone in the realm.

Raevumil's clergy wear flowing robes of orange and gold, though also have traveler's clothing for long journeys.

There is also a group of chroniclers who, though not necessarily clergy, are servants of Raevumil. Known as Librarians, these people (mostly bards, wizards, and clerics) learn, compile, and store as much knowledge as possible, ranging from new spells to historical events. This information is brought to the Great Scriptorium of Wransia, and then to the Library of Cziskilamonia.
Andy Milston

**Andy Milston** is a character from Book 3 of the *Belinda Blinked* books. He is the Distribution Supervisor and TGWU Chief (the title given to the trade union boss) at Shakespeare Retail Stores, a distributor of Steele's Pots and Pans' products to the Yorkshire region.

Belinda encounters him when he complains that his workers aren't being treated fairly by Steele's Pots and Pans, and Belinda visits him in Yorkshire to smooth things over. He tries to deliver his rant to her, but is distracted by noticing that she has chosen not to wear underwear to their meeting. He then abandons his plan and has awkward, unsatisfying sex with Belinda. Belinda leaves his office after leaving her bra with Andy as a memento of her visit.

## Appearance

Andy Milston is around 60 years old, bald, red-faced and has a largish beer belly. He is also a self-professed dandy. However, this is at odds with Belinda's description of him. That being said, she does acknowledge that he has very well-trimmed fingernails, which is textbook dandy.

## Personality

Andy Milston projects a persona of being a large, imposing presence. When he begins his meeting with Belinda, he speaks confidently about the unfair treatment of himself and his workers. When Belinda initiates sex, by advertising her lack of underwear, Andy is the one to instruct how the rest of the encounter goes (although this is likely because Belinda is deliberately being submissive to make him feel powerful).

Andy's tough exterior starts to crack while they're having sex, when he reflects sadly about how he and his wife haven't been intimate in ages (god knows why). Eventually, he feels too guilty about his wife to continue the sexcapade with Belinda, and sadly helps her to dress. By the time Belinda leaves, and Andy asks her for a keepsake, he has shrunk down to a shell of his former confident self.

## Appearances

* Season 3 episode 9
* Season 6 episode 5 *(mentioned only)*
Tellia Vaellara

Tellia Vaellara is one of the few recorded children of the Linnathian Spirits, the youngest daughter of Arvaella. She is the founder of the Magical School of Sarthaire. She is the younger sister of Ahnwyndis, though she often is considered the more powerful of the two.

## History

Born at the Dawn of Time as one of the first acts of Arvaella, to Tellia was given all the powers of Divination that ever were, are, and will be within the confines on Linnath. It is said that her eyes shine like the brightest stars, and that by merely looking into them one may divine as well as if they were looking at the starry sky on the clearest night in Linnath’s history.

Her raiment is often plain and simple, unlike that of her sister. And indeed one might consider her to be plain and simple when placed beside her apparently much more interesting and worldly sibling. Yet behind that soft smile and quiet eyes lay a mind ever at work, a mind caring and loving, a mind that only wished to bring to pass what was meant to be. And while it was much harder to rouse her to emotion than it was her sister, when she was roused it was a thing to be feared indeed.

Tellia was never known for being one to talk often, though some say this was not so much an act of wisdom as an act of prudence. For peering at every moment and all at once in the past, present, and future was enough to confuse even the minds of the Blessed.

She and her school vanished during the Sancterram Conquests, the entire school of Sarthaire and all its students vanishing with her. This occurrence sapped  the world of many of its best Diviners, and the art has struggled to recover ever since, especially as it’s been noted that those appearance promising in Divination Magics soon vanish without a trace.

## Impact

Having helped to found the most respected schools of magic in the history of the realms, Tellia was well-beloved by the people of the realm, whether they practiced magic or not. Yet there was one with whom she never saw eye to eye, the queen of the Silver Woods, Linden Telperiath. Between them existed the most fierce of rivalries from the side of the queen. For Linden recognized how dangerous Tellia could be to her goals.

Thus it was that, in the height of the Queen’s reign, an attempt was made on Tellia’s life. It very nearly succeeded, and Tellia lost much of her ability to divine. Since then she has ruled the school in a more nominal manner, and though she lacks much of her former talent, the insight having it gave her still means she knows far more than even most diviners about what was, is, and will be.

## Interesting Facts

- Founded the elven school of Divination, Sarthaire

- Saved the tradition of divination from the Sancterram conquest

- Fought alongside the other school heads to kill the Terrasque unleashed by the Others.

- Is said to have traveled to the very courts of the Others, and dined with their nobles.

- Has lost most of her Divination Abilities since an assassination attempt against her.
Mavis

**Mavis** is a character in the *Belinda Blinked* books introduced in Christmas Porno 6 as the Cue Mistress at the Globe Theatre while Steele's Pots and Pans are putting on their pantomime *Cinderella the Intern*. She is not well-liked by the cast during the story as she shushes several of them for making lots of noise with their sexual activities, with Bella Ridley telling her to eat a chill pill. She also interrupts Belinda Blumenthal giving fellatio to Sir James Godwin to grab her in time for her big ending number. She is one of two new characters, alongside Mary Snowball, to be introduced in the Christmas special.

## Appearance

Mavis is mentioned as having frazzled hair and spectacles.
Bisch-Herstellung Enterprises

## Notable employees

### Employees

Herr Wolfgang Bisch (Owner and CEO, formerly)Belinda Blumenthal (President and COEO)

**Bisch-Herstellung Enterprises** is a cookware company based in East Berlin founded and formerly led by Herr Wolfgang Bisch. It is the main competitor of Steele's Pots and Pans and their intense rivalry leads to Steele's blueprints for the Trioxy-Brillo range being stolen by Bisch's agents.

In "The Three B Tree", it is revealed that Bisch-Herstellung is funded by a money laundering scheme formulated by Bisch and Dr. Robbins.

According to the contact between Robbins and Bisch, the company's motto is "shooting stars never stop" after a Frankie Goes to Hollywood song.

At the end of Belinda Blinked 6, Belinda Blumenthal takes the reins of Bisch-Herstellung after Bisch is arrested for his many crimes and personal assistant Petra tells her her tattoo leaves her next in line.

## Employees

### Senior Management

* Belinda Blumenthal: President and Chief Operating Executive Officer

* Herr Wolfgang Bisch: Owner and CEO (formerly; in prison)
* Giselle Sylvester A.K.A The Special One: Secret agent undercover in Steele's (formerly)
* George Sylvester: Secret agent (deceased)
* Maeve A.K.A Gunda A.K.A The Exceptional One: Personal Travelling Nurse to the CEO and secret agent to replace Giselle (formerly; in prison)
* Unknown Deputy CEO (mentioned only)
* Bella Ridley and Giselle Sylvester: unknown positions

### Other Staff

* Petra: Personal Assistant to the CEO
* Edmond A.K.A Thick-Rimmed Glasses: Photocopier at the Head Offices
* Quince: One-time agent
* "Jail Man": Security Guard at the Clink
* Mr Hushman: Background goon (deceased)

## Seized Plans

* Steele's Trioxy-Brillo range (Herr Bisch instructed Giselle to take the blueprints but she took Professor Slinz instead and Mr Hushman stole them from the Clink instead to sell them on the black market, but Maeve stole them and gave them back to Bisch)
* Steele's "Sam" child-friendly frying pan (accidentally left behind by Belinda in East Berlin)

## Locations

* Head Offices in East Berlin (including the office of the CEO)
* The Bisch Schloss in East Berlin (private residence of the CEO)
* Giselle and George's Secret Hideaway in Australia (including the Clink)

## Notes

* Bisch revealed that his relative Belinda Blumenthal applied for a position at Bisch-Herstellung prior to joining Steele's but was unsuccessful.
* Prior to Steele's securing a product placement deal with Cosmo Macaroon's *The Cooking with Cosmo Show*, Bisch-Herstellung had "worldwide rights" as a supplier of kitchenware to the cooking show, causing Belinda to spit into Bisch's pans on the way to Cosmo's dressing room.

## Appearances

* Season 3 episode 15
* Season 4 episode 13
* Season 5 episodes 1, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 10, 11, 12, 13
* Season 6 episode 1, 2
* Christmas Porno 5
The Lich's Council

While not technically a religion, the Lich’s Council has a structure similar to Linnath’s other churches, this one revolving around a group of undead wizards stationed in Savice.

**The Lich's Council

## Appearance

No one is sure how many members the council has, but the appearance can be fairly easy to suppose. Liches are known for being rather unpleasant to behold, with rotting skin, missing fingers, and other marks of undeath, as their bodies still decompose beyond death.

Despite this, members of the council find ways to fit in with high society. They often use illusions and perfumes to cover up their bodily imperfections, and some newer members have been known to use spells to preserve their mortal bodies from decay. It is said that one can tell these ones apart from eye makeup made of copper.

## Powers

Each member of the Lich’s Council is a powerful magic user, capable of impressive feats. A few of the members of the Lich’s Council are even powerful enough to patronize a few warlocks, though none are powerful enough to grant divine power.

## Church & Servants

The Council of Liches has many servants at its disposal. Most of these are unwitting participants in the Council’s plans, as the Council holds indirect control over most of the crime in Savice and even some beyond its borders.

Those who do know the Council’s true nature and who serve it are usually wizards, hoping to join the ranks of their masters as undead masters of the arcane. The Council will string these men and women along, but are very selective in who they truly help to “ascend” to their level, and will often even delay others’ attempts to achieve lichdom or destroy rival liches.
Cedric

Cedric is a the receptionist/greeter of Forster's of Knightsbridge. He's approximately 81 years old. Despite being a very minor character with only one appearance, he makes quite a fond impression.

## Appearance

Cedric is a wheezy, coughy old man, presumably either grey-haired or balding, but he dresses very smartly in a morning suit. He's fairly short, as his nose is at the same height as Belinda's and Bella's breasts.

## Biography

Cedric greets Belinda and Bella when they walk into Forster's early on a Saturday morning. Belinda tells him that she's been recommended this place by the Duchess of Epsom. Cedric asks them to follow him, and he leads them into a small lift which takes them up to the first floor. The doors open and he ushers them through. It's at this point that his name is casually revealed mid-sentence, with no indication of how Belinda suddenly knows it. He tells them that another shop assistant will be there momentarily to assist them, and returns to his desk on the ground floor.
Butch

Giselle Sylvester

Hazel

Butch, sometimes nicknamed Butch Cassidy the Sunburnt Kid, is a character from Book 3 of the Belinda Blinked series. The Glee Team encounter him when they travel to the Costa del Sol for Giselle's hen do. Butch is not actually his name, but a nickname Belinda gives him when she notices his sunburn.

## Appearance

Butch is a young Swedish man, so is probably fair-haired and pale-skinned, which ties in with his bad sunburn. Exactly how young he is is never specified, but he asks Belinda for work experience and has never had sex before.
Gedahe

Gedahe was the chief steward to High Omeed Omar II before the First Revolt. He is considered one of the chief instigators of the revolt due to his greed and control over the young Omeed.

## History

Having betrayed Omar II during the final stages of the war, Gedahe found not for himself the riches and power he desired, but was exiled by Abijam I for crimes against the High Omeed. He died destitute, and his name is only remembered by the most learned, and considered by them to be of little importance.
Patrick O'Hamlyn

Patrick O'Hamlyn is one of four Regional Sales Managers that Belinda Blumenthal oversees. He covers the region of Scotland and Ireland, which is potentially the biggest area of land of all the RSMs. He hails from Dublin and sports an accent to match. He has very few lines, and much like Dave Wilcox, the reader doesn't yet know a lot about him.

He is a member of the Confidential Order of Cookware Knights and played the Ugly Stepsister of Sales in Christmas Porno 6.

## Appearance

Patrick's physical appearance has never been described, although we know that he speaks with an Irish accent.

## Personality

From his few scenes, Patrick seems to be a conscientious employee, and is easily cowed by admonishment from his boss, Belinda.

## Biography

### Season 1

Patrick attends the regional sales meeting with Belinda and his fellow RSMs. Upon arriving at Heathrow airport, he finds himself unable to get a taxi, and so needs to be picked up by Jim Thompson, along with Ken Dewsbury.

### Season 4

Patrick attends a strategy meeting in Belinda's office, where he tells Belinda that he's encountered an issue with Mullet supermarkets. He laments that if they don't agree to Mullet's demands, then Bisch will take their business.

### Season 5

After the bombing of Steele's Pots and Pans, Patrick goes into hiding with his fellow RSMs in the safe house, but he joins the fight against Herr Bisch and George Sylvester.

### Season 6

After getting left for dead in the Australian outback, and then demoted, Belinda storms around to the Regional Sales Managers to yell at them about not caring about her. In the process, she has angry sex with Patrick and Dave Wilcox.

## Appearances

* Season 1 episode 3
* Season 4 episode 9
* Season 5 episode 13
* Season 6 episodes 5, 6, 10
* Christmas Pornos 1, 3, 6
* Finale Part 1 *(mentioned)*
Fanny Driller

**Fanny Driller** is a character in the *Belinda Blinked* books. Described as a "blonde beach babe", Fanny is a self-proclaimed "midnight lady" and a sexual partner of James Spooner who offers to get her into the Queen's state opening of the Australian Parliament (behind Her Majesty's mink muff) in Book 5.

## Appearance

Driller is first introduced as a "blonde beach babe with big boobs being fucked up the bum" by Spooner, so it can be assumed that she is very attractive. She has a shrill Australian accent and orgasms dramatically after having sex with Spooner, getting offended when the spy accidentally calls out Belinda Blumenthal's name.

She is thought of as a "power bottom" to Team Porno as Rocky writes that her "ass shagged [Spooner]] right back".

## Notes

* Team Porno notes that Fanny Driller has one of the first actual pornstar-style names in the *Belinda Blinked* series.
Archibald Duncan

**Archibald Duncan** is a character mentioned in the *Belinda Blinked* books. The Duchess Gertrude of Epsom killed him during an espionage mission during her time as a secret agent in British Intelligence Services prior to the events of the books.

## Notes

* The Duchess mentioned the story of her murdering Archibald to Belinda Blumenthal and James Spooner after revealing herself as the Head of British Intelligence Services.
* Duncan's death also makes The Duchess one of four characters known to have killed someone in the *Belinda Blinked* books, alongside George and Giselle Sylvester and Maeve.
Clint

**Clint** is a character in the *Belinda Blinked* books. He is an old schoolfriend of Belinda Blumenthal's still living in her hometown whom she lost her virginity to, and gave her a tattoo on her eighteenth birthday, having been paid to do so by her mother Mrs Blumenthal. He makes his first appearance in *B;B;B;*.

## Appearance and Personality

The majority of Clint's skin is covered in a variety of tattoos, all done by his sexual partners after intercourse. Belinda has tattooed him many times, and after their most recent encounter draws a peace sign on his scrotum. He has a drawly voice and uses old teenage lingo like "far out", and presumably smokes dope as he talks about it when he reunites with Belinda. Given his obsession with tattoos and easy access to tattoo needles he may be a professional tattoo artist.
Mimi

**Mimi** is a spy in the British Intelligence Service, often seen working with James Spooner in his missions to thwart the evil activities of Herr Wolfgang Bisch. She is known to drive an unmarked car to transport Spooner around during his covert spy missions, such as when he followed Belinda Blumenthal on her way to the Glee Team meeting at the Steele's Pots and Pans factory in Scotland.

## Appearance

Mimi has a beautiful bob haircut, which Rocky Flintstone mistakenly wrote with a capital letter as if Bob was a person.

## Appearances

* Season 4 episode 10
* Season 5 episode 7
Katrina Pollet

**Katrina Pollet** is the daughter of successful French businesswoman Penelope Pollet. She has a keen interest in horse-riding, and takes part in the Batwood Park Ladies Under-Nineteen Ladies Show-Jumping Trial Event, which is attended by Belinda Blumenthal, the Duchess of Epsom, and Penelope. Unfortunately, she comes 8th out of 10, but she *does* win the coveted Best Effort prize.

## Notes

* Though Penelope returned to meet Belinda in Paris during Book 4, Katrina has not been since since Book 3.
* As fashion designer Chiara Montague is Penelope's half-sister, she is also Katrina's (half) aunt.
The Cooking with Cosmo Show

***The Cooking with Cosmo Show*** is an Australian cooking television programme hosted by famous chef Cosmo Macaroon in the *Belinda Blinked* books. Bella Ridley is known to be a very big fan of the show.

## Production

The show is hosted by Cosmo Macaroon and product placements seem to be managed by his agent Cornelius Kettle; originally Bisch-Herstellung Enterprises supplied the pots and pans for the show's kitchen, but after Bella and Belinda convinced Cosmo to change his mind, Steele's Pots and Pans replaced them as the show's product placement which allowed the Oxy-Brillo range to become very successful in Australia.

The set of the show is in the Broadcast Studio Television Complex and also contains Cosmo's dressing room which Bella and Belinda break into. The show is very successful and well-known, and was played on the televisions of the airport in the departure lounge before Bella and Belinda flew to Australia.

According to Cornelius, there have (somehow) been 324 series of the show so far and the first episode of the next series was due to start filming the afternoon that Belinda visited him.

## Appearances

* Season 5 episodes 8, 10
* Season 6 episode 4 *(mentioned only)*
Anabelle Godwin

**Anabelle Godwin** is a character mentioned in the *Belinda Blinked* books. She is the late wife of Sir James Godwin, former Chairman and CEO of Steele's Pots and Pans, and in Belinda Blinked 6 he retires from the company in an attempt to discover the events that led up to her death as well as the disappearance of the company's International Sales Director Belinda Blumenthal; however, his search for the truth is postponed by a back injury. It is suggested that Steele's German rival, Bisch-Herstellung Enterprises and its CEO Herr Wolfgang Bisch, may have been involved in her death.

Anabelle is first mentioned in a *Footnotes* episode about Sir James and her disappearance is brought up much later in the books. As of Book 6 the reason for her death is unclear.

## Appearances

* Season 6 episodes 1 *(mentioned)*, 10 *(mentioned)*

## Notes

* In Book 6 Chapter 1 Anabelle is mistakenly called Arabelle.
Thick-Rimmed Glasses

**Edmond**, known by the nickname **Thick-Rimmed Glasses**, is a character in the *Belinda Blinked* books. He works as a photocopier at the head offices of Bisch-Herstellung Enterprises in East Berlin.

## Appearance

Thick-Rimmed Glasses is so named because of his "trademark" thick-rimmed glasses. He is also known to have brown hair and round buttocks. Rocky Flintstone calls his penis a "bone" during his dalliance with Belinda in the photocopying room of the Bisch-Herstellung head offices and notes how he is "thick-rimmed by name, thick-rimmed by nature". Afterwards, Thick-Rimmed Glasses cries and falls asleep in the copy room.
Petra

**Petra** is the former PA to Herr Wolfgang Bisch, starting from her first off-screen appearance in Book 3 of the Belinda Blinked series. As a secondary villain, her role in the story is somewhat brief, but she is notable among the pantheon of Belinda Blinked characters for having the worst voice of all of them.

## Appearance

Petra is described as being very beautiful: brunette, in her 30's, with long shapely legs and a pair of obliquely protruding breasts.

## Personality

Petra is the right-hand person of the series's main villain, and has the evil attitude to go with it. She delivers a fantastically false fib to Belinda and Spooner when she believes them to be life insurance agents, and she is openly dismissive and rude to Belinda.

She is also the ideal villain's henchman: she eagerly sings his praises, and goes along with every evil scheme of his without a shred of hesitation or remorse.

## Appearances

* Season 3 episode 15 (*mentioned*)
* Season 5 episodes 5, 6, 7
* Season 6 episode 10

## Notes

* Petra is unusual for being referenced a full book and a half before her first on-page appearance.
Toffee Apple Chew

**Toffee Apple Chew** is the name of The Duchess' horse which she rides to the first meeting of the Confidential Order of Cookware Knights in the secret meeting room of the Steele's Pots and Pans head offices, and was caught in the bombing in the company car park alongside her owner as she was about to ride off on it back to Epsom Hall. The horse became a fan favourite 'character' after her initial appearance, especially in the eyes of co-host James who was especially concerned for the horse's wellbeing after the bombing cliffhanger in the Best of Book 4 episode. However, it was revealed in the first chapter of Book 5 that Toffee Apple Chew survived the bombing by fleeing the scene to safety in a nearby field before galloping back to meet with her owner the Duchess. She also rides Toffee Apple Chew to the COCK safehouse to warn the members about Belinda and Bella's capture in Australia, where it is revealed that Toffee Apple Chew has a taste for cider.

In the first chapter of Book 6, Toffee Apple Chew pulls the carriage at James Spooner's funeral, wearing a solemn rosette, and cries out remembering how much she enjoyed to have James riding her.

Toffee Apple Chew also played a part in the promo trailer for season 5 of the podcast which featured James, Alice and Jamie walking through a graveyard and leaving flowers at a grave bearing Toffee Apple Chew's name.

## Appearance

Not much is known about Toffee Apple Chew, but given her name her fur may be a brown or auburn colour. Given her status as The Duchess' riding horse, she is likely quite a well-trained, athletic and muscular horse.

## Appearances

* Season 4 episode 13
* Season 5 episodes 1, 13
* Season 6 episodes 1, 9

## Notes

* Toffee Apple Chew is the first non-human character to be the opening character of a book.
The Shadow of Mordor

The Shadow of Mordor is one of the major factions in DaC. It has the second largest starting domain of any faction in the game, second only to The Kindgom of Gondor. Its faction leader is Sauron the Dark Lord, and its capital is the settlement of Barad-Dur. The Shadow of Mordor follows the Teutonic-Style family tree, meaning it has no faction heir.
Shakespeare Retail Stores

**Shakespeare Retail Stores** is a Yorkshire-based distribution company which helps to distribute the cookware products of Steele's Pots and Pans throughout the region. Belinda Blumenthal visits the office of its Distribution Supervisor after he complains that Steele's isn't treating Shakespeare's workers well enough, and manages to convince him to continue working with them.

## Employees

### Other Staff

* Matilda: Receptionist
* Ethel: Canteen Assistant (apparently moved to Steele's Pots and Pans by Book 6)
Benny Ridley

**Benny Ridley** is a character featured in Christmas Porno 4. As Rocky frequently mentions throughout the chapter, he is Bella Ridley's elder brother.

## Appearance and Personality

Personality-wise Benny seems to be very caring towards his family as he spends Christmas Eve out shopping for presents before he arrives at the family home. Rocky describes Benny's penis in great detail during his session with Belinda at the Boozer's: it is called "fat" and "patchy" with a translucent quality due to his pale skin, with visible veins, arteries and capillaries when erect. Belinda calls it a "milky bar" and a "Christmas cracker" and refers to his semen as "bread sauce" and "pre-people". He is described as adept at sex with his technique "like an internet map route"; Rocky also notes that both pussy and versatility are "his pleasure". When he and Belinda finish fucking he asks to cuddle Belinda after Grandmaster Time whispers midnight, announcing Christmas Day.

## Appearances

* Christmas Porno 4, 5
* Season 6 episode 6 *(mentioned only)*