Chapter Six

Avis: Um… Mr. Buffy…

Harlow: \***smiles**\* Hm?

Avis: Are… Are you trying to take my carnivorous Wendy? Are you trying to sell it?

Harlow: \***laughs\*** No.

Avis: Are you trying to kill it?

Harlow: Of course not! Quite the opposite… \***he reaches into his suitcase and takes out a small, clear, plastic shell with holes poked in it… Some kind of bug is fluttering around inside**\*

Avis: !!! \***looks at the bug and becomes terrified**\* Where did you get that Suicide Moth from?!

Harlow: From my home. I told you. I grew up with these things…

Avis: You are to keep it as far from my greenhouse as possible! I’m going to hire security to specifically look for you!

Harlow: Can’t you imagine it though, Dr. Garfield? An entire forest of carnivorous Wendies?

Avis: NO! That would be a concern for the public! They should never breed here. Never in a place with a large human population. Why, I’ll tell the Governor to exterminate all moths in the area if that’s what it comes to!

Harlow: \***still smiling calmly**\* Fear not. I will keep my hungry little moths to myself.

Avis: I mean, why do you think I never took any Suicide Moths home with me?!

Harlow: I figured you were far too busy staring at the naked native women to possibly notice a little moth.

Avis: \***unsettled**\* Wait a moment. I purposely never wrote about that moth in any of my books so that this situation wouldn’t happen. How… Did you learn--

Harlow: Oh for Newton’s sake, I’m not an idiot, Garfield! You’re not the only person who’s observed this tree in the wild. You’re not the only botanist out there.

Avis: …

Harlow: And you’re hardly the best one out there.

Avis: What’s THAT supposed to mean?!

Harlow: \***pops a piece of candy in his mouth. It smells like cherry**\* I mean that there’s people out there who are more knowledgeable on the flora in your collection than *you* are. Suck it up and deal with it.

Avis: \***fuming**\* I-- I don’t-- Just wait a moment!--

Harlow: Sorry, Doctor. I have some meetings to attend today and you have some moths to kill, isn’t that right? You can start with the ones that ate through your clothes.

Avis: \***frozen in rage**\*

Harlow: Anyone ever tell you that you have wrinkles on your ears?

*(Later, in the greenhouse…)*

Vladek: I agree that he’s a jerk, but you *do* have wrinkles on your ears.

Avis: It’s a *SERIOUS MEDICAL CONDITION AND I’VE BEEN PUTTING ALOE ON THEM EVERY NIGHT FOR TWO YEARS BUT ALL IT DOES IS MAKE MY PILLOW GOOPY!*

Vladek: Tell me more about that moth… Why is it such a big deal?

Avis: \***huge deep breath**\* Let me show you. \***he leads Vladek to the safe observation area for the Wendy**\* Look. \***he hands Vladek a small spyglass from his apron pocket**\*

Vladek: \***looks at the Wendy through the spyglass**\*

Avis: See all those tiny holes on the outsides of the branches?

Vladek: Yes…

Avis: Those little chambers have a nectar that is only eaten by the Suicide Moth. Wendies cannot perceive these moths; they are far too small and fast. The nectar is secreted around the Wendy’s seeds. Ergo, Wendies can only be pollinated by-- and thus, can only reproduce with-- that species of moth.

Vladek: \***disgusted**\* ...Oh… How delightful…

Avis: \***takes the spyglass and places it back in his pocket**\* I named them Suicide Moths for the obvious danger they face simply to obtain their dinner. And I made sure than none came back to the Americas with me. My Wendy is a one of a kind, and can only be safely contained in a greenhouse. In the wild, they are fierce competitors…

Vladek: Yeah, then those moths sure wouldn’t be good here…

Avis: Um… It gets worse.

Vladek: Oh boy.

Avis: Suicide Moths pollinate *many* species related to the Wendy. Many of those species live in this greenhouse.

Vladek: …

Avis: Yeah.

Vladek: Uh… I gotta go. \***starts running**\*

Avis: ?! Vladek!

Vladek: I GOTTA GO!

Avis: … \***gently rubs his own ears**\* Maybe I should try soaking them…

*(At Roxie’s cube… Vladek bursts in)*

Vladek: SUICIDE MOTHS!

Roxie: Hello Dr. Fray.

Vladek: SUICIDE MOTHS!

Roxie: Your goggles are dirty.

Vladek: \***takes his goggles off, cleans them on his coat, and places them back on his head**\* SUICIDE MOTHS!

Roxie: Could you rephrase that in the form of a complete sentence please.

Vladek: \***deep breath**\* This weird guy who wants to buy the greenhouse has access to the only species of insect that allows Demonica plants to reproduce!

Roxie: \***sips her tea\*** That sounds like a problem.

Vladek: My concern is… What will this do to your mechanical bees?!

Roxie: Good question.