Boba (Story)

I considered making it a surprise. I decided against it. Whoever thought it would be a good idea, knowing Pooper Scooper Mac would come home, set down his supplies for the day, and be greeted by his wife saying, “Honey! We have a new child!” while cradling some mysterious baby in her arms? As funny as it might be, I didn’t feel like getting my organs scooped out myself out of spite.

So, I told him over the table at dinner.

“We’re having a child?” he screamed.

I winced. I hadn’t exactly expected that reaction. “Is that bad?”

He shook his head quickly but avoided my eyes. “Not really, no. I like childrens’ organs-”

“AUGH!” I cried, admittedly unreasonably loud, before jamming a spoonful of chicken into my mouth to prevent me from yelling or something. I didn’t really know.

“Do you really?” I asked, my previous surprise replaced by curiosity. “They must be much smaller, after all…”

“I’m just kidding.” I didn’t bother to make out whether or not he was lying, and about what — that he liked the organs or had scooped them out at all — because it was all part of the business. Had I entirely disapproved, I would have refused to marry him. And there was so plainly that ring on my finger.

Still, we were quiet a little while longer, until he asked softly, “How’d you know? Is this just something you do?” A fair question, because he wouldn’t have much of a way to know.

“Um.” I didn’t know why I hesitated, but I did. I guess I still sometimes thought of him as mortal, and mentioning one of the most powerful beings in existence felt off, like I was connected to royalty he wasn’t. “I asked Elias.”

“Maybe he was lying,” he suggested, but he wasn’t serious.

I wasn’t much for that either, but I would expect him to take this news more seriously. It was about our first child, after all. “Aw, man, don’t you think this is good news?”

He looked up at me, surprised. “No, I like it a lot.” His gaze turned thoughtful. “Summer, all our dreams will be true…it’ll look as awesome as the two of us combined. His power will give him access to being the president of the world and even the next primordial, if those are his wishes. All bow to him. All worship him.” He stood up to put his empty plate away but banged his shin against the table’s leg. “OW!”

I chuckled.

He shot me a look from the sink. “We don’t talk about that. Anyway-” He went right back to the tone he was talking in before- “He’ll be everything we ever dreamed of.”

“He’ll be noticed,” I said longfully. “None of the other beings have ever cared about us at all! All they think about is Strawberia and Elias and their supposed marriage and chaos in general.”

“Eh.” He shrugged. “Bea can relate, I bet. Well, anyway, the kid will have a lot more going on in his life too, I bet. I mean, we’re old, we lack sense of humor and might as well shrivel up into a hole and die.” I giggled. “Isn’t that something to be proud of?”

I didn’t think the tables would turn like this, with him talking this way to me. “Of course.”

He asked, serious, “Is it a boy or a girl? What do you know?”

“That’s inconclusive.”

He turned to me and raised his eyebrows.

“No, seriously. Elias couldn’t tell.”

“He couldn’t? Then it needs a gender-neutral name. How about Jordan, like shoes?” I mean, he had a point.

“We haven’t even seen it,” I protested.

“Then show me!”

He knew what I would say to that. “It doesn’t even exist, silly.”

“Fair. Fair.” He turned to me and gave a slight nod.

As he walked away, I heard him softly speaking to himself. “I wonder if scooping out fetuses works too,” he mused. “We can have an infinite farm of children and sell the spares. It might be better income than organs.”