Episode 3 - Take Only Photos, Leave Only Monsters

## **Summary**

This week the gang fights off a salamander cultist and a giant millipede out for blood in the body cave by the lake, and things only get weirder from there. From holding hands to eating your Aunt Diane's snacks, you're going to learn more forest facts than you can shake a magical dagger at. Remember, the time is wrong, she must be served!

## **Previously On...**

Previously on the Mystery County Monster Hunters podcast we were in deep trouble as we were quickly surrounded by a gaggle of goonches. Turned out to be an abnormally large catfish. Fortunately Forest Ranger Byron was there with his flare gun to chase them away. Boy did those flares work! They caused one of the goonches to burst in the flames and the others to flee rapidly. After that we regrouped and got decked out in some sick forest department swag, and we noticed a big hole that hadn't been there before the recent mudslide. Wanted to prove that there was nothing to be afraid of, my cousin CEJ ran off into the hole like a total dweeb. Of course we had to rush to his rescue. AGAIN. There was some weird stuff going on in that hole--like a pile of bodies that the catfish were feeding on! And some weirdo that was carving the bodies up with a magic dagger of sorts. Luckily Mizz Wexler got a hold of the dagger but I don't think we're out of trouble yet! I'm tired of being a teenaged Moth Man.

## **Plot**

### THE CAVE

CEJ is reeling from his confrontation with the mysterious Salamander under the lakefront. With a blob of salamander skin in his moth, the psychedelic affects of the creature's toxins begin to take hold. The Club leaps into action to join the fight, which has become a multisided affair thanks to the addition of a monstrously huge millipede. Krashlee decides to *kick some ass* with her garrote, one of many gadgets she procured on a field trip to the spy museum. The attack here results in Krashlee making hand-to-hand contact with the Salamander, exposing her to the effects of its toxic skin. This is also the first time Krashlee has ever held hands with anyone.

> "Ew it's a salamander. Ow, it's burning me! And he doesn't even like me like that." - Krashlee
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Some backstory reveals that Krashlee has always had a bit of a violent side, and was maybe too aggressive for the karate class she and CEJ took together as kids. She might even have been softly kicked out of the class by Sensei Rebecca.
Susan, filled with pride by Krashlee's gumption, uses her limited entomology knowledge to (incorrectly) deduce that the millipede will hate blood. In order to get some she attacks the Salamander as well, stabbing it to death and flinging its blood at the millipede to no effect. Adam, still in his transformational Moth Man pupae form, goes toe-to-toe with the millipede and immediately starts taking harm. Shamanda's fledgling crush on Adam stirs in this moment.

> "Blaaarghlbahghbhallahbh!" - Adam, in pupal form
> "Oh my gosh he speaks another language! That's so attractive!" Shamanda
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Shamanda attacks the millipede with her swiss army lighter. The creature tries to curl into a ball and roll away, but Adam uses his gross new power to try to drain its essence. While it's distracted, Susan finishes it off with her flamethrower. Adam comes out of the fight badly injured, and CEJ gains a chunk of millipede chitin that functions as a harm-reducing shield.
With the immediate threats taken care of, Adam tries to covertly transform back into his normal boy form but thanks to a failed Sharp roll realizes he's done it in front of the whole group. They catch him, mostly naked and grievously hurt, while he tries to pretend that the Club didn't see what they definitely just saw.

> "You're cut so bad it's almost distracting from the fact that we can see your balls!" - CEJ
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Susan loans Adam a nightshirt to help him cover up but it only comes down about as low as a miniskirt. Everyone seems gung ho to continue onward except for CEJ, who tries to put his foot down to take Adam home. His argument that this situation is too dangerous and definitely above their pay grade fall on deaf ears--especially when Shamanda easily manhandles him back into the Sherwin-Williams van.
Upon exiting the cave, the sun starts to burn Adam quite literally, sending wisps of smoke off of his skin and putting him in critical condition. When Ranger Ilong shows up with questions (and threats of calling emergency services) Susan puts her flirts to work on him to deescalate. Ultimately, Adam uses *Mental Dominion* to get Byron to set up a perimeter around the cave--and to hand over all of his clothes so that Adam has something to wear. CEJ, still huffy and ashamed of getting overpowered by Shamanda, stomps off into the woods and Adam sends Byron to follow him. Byron does so, shouting Forest Rangerisms the whole time.

> "Only you can prevent forest fires! Don't go off the trail! Take only pictures! Leave only footprints!" - Byron Ilong
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### THE SCHOOL

The Club sneaks Adam, whose health is in serious jeopardy, into Susan's lair. The gang has an ill-timed run in with Mr. Anderson, who's looking for janitorial favors from Susan. Adam screams buggily for help from the other room. Susan uses a fake call to clean up vomit to excuse herself, but a failed *manipulate someone* rolls results in Mr. Anderson attributing Adam's scream to a bear loose on school grounds. Krashlee uses her period to scare him off.

### SUSAN'S LAIR

Rid of distractions, Susan rushes the club into the lair and performs emergency surgery on Adam. Adam is fine with hanging out in the lair until he's fully recovered since he figures his mom is so busy focusing on CEJ that she won't even notice he's gone. Shamanda decides to hole up in the lair to recuperate some herself. Adam stifles the urge to eat his bedsheets in front of her, but some of his little caterpillar bits start to poke out of his skin. Shamanda is clearly grossed out by this, which puts Adam in his head. To deflect, he decides to consult the Secret Masters in order to ask some questions about the dagger and the situation in the cave.

Being in contact with the Secret Masters gives Adam the surprising urge to hug CEJ--who's not even there. He's still being followed by Ranger Ilong. Upon arriving home, Aunt Dianne welcomes CEJ with cookies and drinks before noticing Byron. He snaps out of his *mental dominion* and Aunt Diane gets him situated. CEJ grumps onto his bed with his headphones on, ignoring incoming calls from the Club. He just blasts Limp Bizkit's "Chocolate Starfish and the Hotdog Flavored Water."

Susan investigates the dagger further and discovers its use as a sacrificial ritual tool. She also figures out that the bodies in the pile had been killed elsewhere and then dragged there. Susan also recognizes that the specifics of the cuts imply some kind of power- or essence- draining magic. She decides to keep this from most of the kids but shoots off an email to the International Monster Hunting society. Krashlee and Susan note that without removing the bodies from the cave they will continue to leak magical radiation and potentially create more goonches, giant millipedes, or other monsters from nearby creatures.

Susan texts CEJ to summon him back to the school, including her contact info in every message. Aunt Dianne offers to drive him back to school. CEJ pretends to not know the words to Joni Mitchell to maintain his angsty aloofness in the car. CEJ arrives back at the lair and is immediately hugged by all of Adam's arms (bug and boy). The two cousins share quiet apologies, which allows CEJ to clear his angry condition. He makes some half-assed apologies to the group and misinterprets Shamanda's hug initiation for a headlock. Adam tries to subtly eat Susan's shirt.

While everyone is feeling better, Adam gets a jolt from the Secret Masters. It's a feeling and a message: "This time is wrong, she must be served." Without thinking, Adam grabs the rusty ceremonial dagger and snaps it. Adam's only words to the group are "we gotta hide."

## **Characters**

**Main Cast**

* Rashawn Nadine Scott as Shamanda Felt
* Jeff Murdoch as Adam Miller
* Erin Rein as Krashlee Grenadine
* Claire Linic as Susan Wexler
* Alan Linic as CEJ
* Tyler Samples as the Salamander, Byron Illong, Mr. Anderson, Aunt Dianne

## **Introductions**

Tyler: Hey everybody, welcome to Mystery County Monster Hunters Club, an actual play, Monster of the Week podcast. I'm Tyler Samples, your keeper of monsters and mysteries and thanks so much for listening. We're about to jump into the wild world of Mystery County, USA, in the year 2005. But first let's do a quick rundown of who is here. Let's start with you, Rashawn.

Rashawn: "Hi everyone, I'm Rashawn Nadine Scott and my character is Shamanda Felt. I've got a job at Cold Stone, and people think I'm a lot--but the only thing extra about me is my curriculars."

Jeff: "Hi I'm Jeff Murdoch and I play the character Adam Miller. He's half moth, half man, but all Korn fan."

Erin: "Hey I'm Erin Rein, my character is Krashlee Grenadine. Some people call me a flake, but I call myself Krashlee Grenadine, girl detective!"

Alan: "Hey there I'm Alan Linic I'm playing CEJ, and what's special about me are my friends... and my missing parents."

Claire: "Hi I'm Claire Linic, and my character's name is Susan Wexler, and I'm looking for two things: love and monsters."

## **NOTABLE QUOTES**

* "This is the last time you're ever gonna feel boobs on your back." -Shamanda Felt
* "Will the kids ever stop vomiting?" -Susan Wexler
* "It's because of my period! It's my third time having it and...wow. [barfing noises]" -Krashlee Grenadine
* "Hey CEJ, very good overpowering you earlier today. I'm always going to remember that." -Shamanda Felt
* "You know how I know that millipede was a man? In the end, it left me." -Susan Wexler

## **LINKS**

* Apple Podcasts
* Spotify
* Google Podcasts