Thursday Night Grocery Bag

Nobody knows what the actual album cover looks like

**Thursday Night Grocery Bag** (might also be **Tuesday Night Grocery Bag**) is a single from an unknown band in the Mirror Timeline. The song is a great mystery, as it is considered the worst song of all time, and as such nobody has ever listened to the entire thing, and nobody ever caught the name of the band that recorded it.

It was recorded and released at an unknown date in an unknown country by a label that has since gone bankrupt and has deleted all trace of their existence. There is a rumor the only reason it got any radio play was some sort of behind the scenes tie to the Church of Endless Hunger, but nobody has cared enough to try and confirm this.

## Composition and Lyrics

Since nobody has heard the whole thing, the full lyrical content and composition remain a mystery.

From the little people have heard, it's known to be some sort of acoustic guitar ballad, accompanied by two vocalists: one singing off-key cleans and the other doing poor attempts at post-hardcore screamo vocals. No one has confirmed the length of the song, but its said to be between 3 minutes and 5 hours.

Lyrically, it might be a breakup song? In the song the singer compares themselves to that of a grocery bag, and all other lines people have heard appear to be other bag metaphors for some awful reason.

## The Band Behind The Song

The creators of the song remain a mystery. It is assumed to be written by the band themselves as a professional songwriter couldn't possibly have written something so bad, but that's never been confirmed. Some guy once claimed to be the drummer of the band and demanded royalties for bootlegs of the song, but after listening to a few seconds of it he decided to go back into anonymity instead.

After listening to parts of it backwards, some sleuths have claimed the band might be members of the Church of Endless Hunger, a death cult that worships pancakes. Namely, they claim there is a line in the song that, when played backwards, says "pancakes pancakes, give me the cranberry sauce cakes", which might be a veiled reference to the church. This is said to be an explanation of how a song this bad got on the radio at all, but like most things about the song it remains unconfirmed.

The only name that is proven to be attached to the band is a producer by the name of Alan Smithee. This name came up once when a radio DJ forgot the name of the band when announcing the song, and read the producer's name from the CD sleeve on air by accident. The back-masking internet sleuths would have tried to find out more about Alan Smithee, but most of them couldn't be arsed.

## Bootlegs

Due to nobody remembering the name of the band or the name of their album, not a single person in the world is confirmed to legitimately own the song. It was also never released on streaming or any official internet sources, meaning the only way people have been able to listen to it is through shoddy bootlegs.

Most of said bootlegs have been people recording snippets of the song when it came on the radio, often due to confusing the title with a James Brown song that is actually popular. Some very rare ones are of the band's only known live performance at a unknown location, which would have been highly sought after if anybody actually cared about the song.

Funk Metal outfit Pøsitive Nevada once planned to cover the song illegally, but gave up after not being able to find out what all the lyrics were.