"Remains of the Day"/Bad news/Meeting Scraps

This is how "Remains of the Day", Bad news, and Meeting Scraps goes in The Toa Meet the Corpse Bride.

[In the Land of the Dead, Victor and the Toa wake up]

Alfred: New arrivals.

Emily: They must've fainted. Are you alright?

Kopaka: What happened?

Pohatu: We must've fallen asleep for two hours.

Alfred: By Jove, man. Looks like we've got ourselves breathers.

Gali: Breathers? Well, you see, we--

Mrs. Plum: Do any of them have dead brothers?

Onua: Uh...

Skeleton Boy: [pokes at Lewa] He's still soft!

Lewa: Don't do that.

General Bonesapart: A toast, then! To the newlyweds and to our honored guests.

Pohatu: Wait. Newlyweds and honored guests?

Lewa: Wait a minute. When Victor was practicing his vows, it awakened this dead woman!

Emily: Those vows were so perfectly.

Lewa: Ha! Victor, your wedding vows worked!

Victor Van Dort: They did?

Kopaka: Oh, yes, they did! [to Pohatu] In your mask, Pohatu.

[They hear a voice]

Paul: Bonjour! Coming through, coming through. My name is Paul, I am the head waiter. I will be creating your wedding feast.

[Emily's eye pops out as we see a worm called Maggot]

Maggot: Wedding feast! I'm salivated.

Gali: Whoa!

[Emily shuts her eye]

Emily: Maggots. [giggles]

Tahu: Okay, that's enough. [gets out his weapons] We want some questions now.

General Bonesapart: Answers. I think you mean answers.

Tahu: Yes, answers, thank you. [to Emily] We need answers! What's going on here? Where are we? Who are you?

Emily: Well, that's kind of a long story.

Bonejangles: What a story it is. A tragic tale of romance, passion, and murder most foul!

General Bonesapart: This is gonna be good.

Bonejangles: Hit it, boys.

[Green light is seen as a skeleton with glasses plays the piano and Bonejangles sings]

**Bonejangles:**

Hey! Give me a listen you corpses of cheer

At least those of you who still got an ear

I'll tell you a story that'll make a skeleton cry

Of our own jubiliciously lovely Corpse Bride

**Chorus:**

Die, die, we all pass away

But don't wear a frown cause it's really okay

You might try and hide

And you might try and pray

But we all end up the remains of the day

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah

**Bonejangles:**

Well, our girl was a beauty known for miles around

Til a mysterious horned stranger came into town

He was plenty good-looking, but down on his cash

And our poor little baby she fell hard and fast

When her daddy said no, she just couldn't cope

So our lovers came up with a plan to elope

**Chorus:**

Die, die, we all pass away

But don't wear a frown cause it's really okay

You might try and hide

And you might try and pray

But we all end up the remains of the day

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah

**Bonejangles:**

Oh, that's right

Okay, oh yeah

Come on, boys, pick it up

Yeah, like it

Okay, Chancy, take it

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah (Yo!)

Oh, that's nice

Yeah!

So they conjured up a plan to meet late at night

They told not a soul, kept the whole thing tight

Now her mother's wedding dress fit like a glove

You don't need much when you're really in love

Except for a few things, or so I'm​ told

Like the family jewels and a satchel of gold

Then next to the graveyard by the old oak tree

On a dark foggy night at a quarter to three

She was ready to go, but where was he?

**Crowd:**

And then?

**Bonejangles:**

She waited

**Crowd:**

And then?

**Bonejangles:**

There in the shadows, was it her man?

**Crowd:**

And then?

**Bonejangles:**

Her little heart beat so loud

**Crowd:**

And then?

**Bonejangles:**

And then, baby, everything went black

Now when she opened her eyes she was dead as dust

Her jewels were missing and her heart was bust

So she made a vow lying under that tree

That she'd wait for her true love to come set her free

Always waiting for someone to ask for her hand

When out of the blue comes this groovy young man

Who vows forever to be by her side (Oh yeah, oh yeah)

And that's the story of our own Corpse Bride (Oh yeah, oh yeah)

**Chorus:**

Die, die, we all pass away

But don't wear a frown cause it's really okay

You might try and hide

And you might try and pray

But we all end up the remains of the day

**Bonejangles:**

Do-bop

E-do-bop

E-didly-bob-e-do-bop

Yeah

[We return to the Land of the Living]

Maudeline Everglot: Victoria, come away from the window.

[Victoria comes away from the window]

Nell Van Dort: Oh, I'm sure they'll be back shortly. Victor's terrified of the dark. In fact, when he was a boy, he used to wet his combinations regularly, didn't he, William?

[They hear a knock on the door]

Finis Everglot: Enter.

[Barkis enters]

Maudeline Everglot: Lord Barkis. I trust the room is to your liking.

Barkis Bittern: Thank you, you are a most gracious hostess. Which is why it pains me to be the bearer of such bad news. [snaps his fingers as the town crier arrives] Would you care to repeat tonight's headline for us?

Town Crier: Hear ye, hear ye! Victor Van Dort seen this night on the bridge in the arms of a mystery woman! The dark-haired temptress and Master Van Dort slipped away into the night! And now, the weather. Scattered showers--

Barkis Bittern: And the part about our new friends the Toa?

Town Crier: Hear ye, hear ye! The Toa and Elemental Creatures seen with the dark-haired temptress and Master Van Dort when they slipped away into the night! Fun fact about the Water Toa. Her interesting spear--

Barkis Bittern: Enough! That will be all.

[The town crier leaves]

Nell Van Dort: Mystery woman? They don't even know any women!

Barkis Bittern: Or so you thought. Do call if you need my assistance... in any way. [closes the doors]

Maudeline Everglot: Good heavens, Finis, what should we do?

Finis Everglot: Fetch me musket.

Nell Van Dort: Oh, William, do something!

William Van Dort: The town crier probably just had a slow news day. You know how it is, you need a little something to cry about.

Finis Everglot: Regardless, we are one groom and one group of special guests short for the wedding tomorrow! [to himself] Not to mention the fanatical implications.

Maudeline Everglot: A most scandalous embarrassment for us all.

Nell Van Dort: Oh, give us a chance to find them, we beg of you. Just give us until dawn.

Maudeline Everglot: Very well. Til dawn.

[Back at the Land of the Dead, Emily searches for Victor and the Toa]

Emily: Victor, darling, where are you?

Maggot: If you ask me, your boyfriend and his pals are kind of jumpy.

Emily: He's not my boyfriend, he's my husband. Victor, where have you gone?

Maggot: I'll keep an eye out for them.

Emily: Victor?

[Victor and the Toa are hiding]

Pohatu: [imitating Victor] Dearest, I'm over here!

Maggot: I hear him! Over there!

Emily: Victor!

[They run as the hands point the left way]

Emily: Thank you.

Lewa: We'll hide in the tombstones!

[They hide in the tombstones and play dead]

Emily: Victor! Where are you? Victor? Where have you gone?

[She doesn't realize that she walked past them as a Black Widow arrives]

Black Widow: Married, huh? I'm a widow.

Pohatu: Ugh! [swings her]

Black Widow: Oh, how rude. They went that way!

[They continue running]

Emily: Victor? Victor. Victor, darling.

Gali: [to a zombie] Hey, there's a mistake! We're not dead!

[But his head falls apart as they still run and encounter another zombie]

Split Man: Excuse me. [splits apart] Excuse me. Thank you.

Emily: [offscreen] Victor!

[They keep running as they see a dead end]

Kopaka: Dead end.

Emily: [offscreen] Victor, hello?

[They climb up, but Emily finds them]

Emily: Could have used the stairs, silly. [helps them up]

Gali: [groans] I give up.

Emily: Isn't the view beautiful? It takes my breath away. Well, it would if I had any. [laughs] Isn't it romantic? [motions them to sit next to her]

[They come over to her as Lewa and Pohatu ponder]

Lewa: Mysterious horned stranger?

Pohatu: What did Bonejangles mean by that?

Kopaka: I don't know.

Gali: We'll get the information from her.

Tahu: Look, I'm terribly sorry about what's happened to you and we'd like to help, but we really need to get home.

Emily: This is your home now, Tahu.

Tahu: But we don't even know your name.

Lewa: That's a great way to start a marriage.

Emily: Shut up! [giggles] It's Emily.

Lewa: Emily.

Emily: Oh! I almost forgot. I have something for Victor. [gets a box and hands it to Victor] It's a wedding present.

[Victor opens it and finds a bone]

Victor Van Dort: Thank you.

[The box tumbles down as the bones assemble into a dog]

Gali: I don't get it.

Victor Van Dort: Scraps?

Pohatu: I've got this. [to Scraps] Woof!

[Scraps barks]

Victor Van Dort: Scraps! My dog Scraps!

[Scraps jumps on Victor]

Emily: I knew you'd be happy to see him.

Gali: Uh, hi. [sighs] I've got this. [to Scraps] Uh, sit.

[Scraps sits down]

Lewa: Let me try. [to Scraps] Uh, roll over.

[Scraps rolls over]

Pohatu: Come up here.

[Scraps jumps on Pohatu's lap]

Emily: Oh, what a cutie.

Lewa: I'll say.

Victor Van Dort: You should have seen him with fur. Mother never approved of Scraps jumping up like this. But then again, she never approved of anything.

Kopaka: If she never approved of Emily, then we're lucky she'll never have to meet her.

[Victor suddenly gets an idea and puts Scraps down]

Victor Van Dort: Well, actually, Kopaka, now that you mention it, I think she should. In fact, since we're, you know married, she should definitely meet her. And my father too. We should go and see them right now.

Onua: Huh?

Emily: What a fantastic idea! Where are they buried?

Pohatu: Oh, yeah. There's something we forgot to tell you.

Emily: What? What is it?

Gali: They're not from around here.

Emily: Where are they?

Tahu: I think they're upstairs.

Emily: Oh, they're still alive.

Pohatu: That sounds like a problem. [hears Scraps barking] What's that, Scraps?

[Scraps barks]

Onua: I think he's saying we should go upstairs.

Kopaka: How?

Pohatu: For the power of sorcery.

Emily: Oh, no, we couldn't possibly.

Gali: Huh. [to Scraps] You really think that'll work?

[Scraps barks]

Emily: Oh, well, if you put it like that.

Victor Van Dort: What?

Emily: Elder Gutknecht.

Lewa: Be my guest.