The Holder of the Beast

In any city, in any country, go to the largest office of public affairs, whether that be a town hall or city council building. At the front desk ask, "May I speak with the one who swims in a sea of refuse?"

The person at the desk will do one of two things; if he/she asks you to repeat the question or gives you a funny look, then you've probably not gone to the right office. If, however, they say to look in your Bible, then leave and go straight home.

If you have a Bible, open it when you are in the room you feel the most at home in. If you lack a Bible, any religious text that names an evil deity somewhere within its pages will work. The page does not matter, just begin reading wherever you open it for the next hour. Many people find this task impossibly difficult, and give in after thirty minutes; persist until you hear something grinding.

Look up and behold a landscape of torment. No words can describe the realm, it often bends and escapes reality. Just try and scan the horizon.

Look for a large steeple of living blood, and pray it isn't inside-out or upside-down. You can try to walk to it, but it's a long and difficult trip, and you're likely to be killed before reaching it. Say loudly in its direction "CLOSE MY DOORS TO HEAVEN!" if you want to get there quickly. Just don't expect pity from above if something happens while here.

Inside a sermon will be going on. The 'preacher' will be mounted on a pile of bodies, with a podium made from their limbs. Do not listen to him, for he is much like the Holder of Deception, and will enslave the weak-willed and evil to his bidding. He holds a book in his hands at all times; do NOT look in this book, ask for this book, or describe it in detail to anyone. I've probably already written too much.

Walk until you stand below his podium and ask, "Do you believe God made them?"

He will stop preaching and bow his head. If you closed the doors of heaven, he will then start humming a tune that will buzz in your head forever, until your death. If you managed to walk to the steeple, and without cursing God, then he will go straight to drawing a knife from his robes, placing a hand on the podium, and with little difficulty, cutting it off. If he cuts off his right hand, you will be able to understand and sympathize with his position as a holder, and forever be a favored in all courts of hell. If he cuts off his left hand, his form will morph into an indescribable light, and he will tell you the one thing you need to know most in the coming days of your life. Both are valuable things to have, but even more valuable is the hand he has removed. Step up into the podium (he will move for you), take the hand, and place your religious text into it. Open the text, and pray that the words aren't backwards. This is the worst fate to ever befall any man, one he cannot prevent, for in order to return home you must begin reading the text aloud to his congregation. After reading for a long period of time, something sharp will pierce your skull from behind, and you will fall unconscious. When you awake, anything you were holding (including the hand and Bible) when you left will be with you in that room of your house you started in. Pray you brought nothing else but the hand, and be careful not to ever take the hand into holy grounds; they might not like it.

His hands are Object 393 of 538. They will hold all the others when the end comes.