recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
It's Got to Be Ska Part 5

## Overview

Double Heads Variety Hour presents “It's Got to Be Ska, Part 5" where DJs Dillon Minacci and Matt Fox present a playlist combining happy and sad ska. They confront a yacht squatter, negotiate with the Cost Guard, and play ska. Listen to the episode.

## Episode Summary

Dillon and Matt make their way to the docked SS Double Heads, where they plan to hide out from Llewellyn Bombs and Bryan Bombs. They are surprised to find a man named Mr. Bumblebee Tuna squatting in the boat upon their arrival. He begins speaking in riddles about waves and ska, with the goal of finding what he calls the "fourth wave."

After seeing Dillon and Matt from his own yacht, Cody calls in to talk about what he's been up to. After leaving KOOP, Cody made his wealth mapping the Amazon, Dillon and Matt insult Cody, and he hangs up to hang out with Jimmy Buffet.

When asked why Mr. Tuna plays only sad ska, he explains that it is the way to get to the aforementioned "fourth wave." Matt is concerned about Mr. Tuna's refusal to let go of the crowbar he's held throughout the interaction, and Mr. Tuna also divulges that he came onto the boat in 1996, which confuses the hosts.

Dillon and Matt receive an unexpected call from a Captain Sullenberger, a Coast Guard captain who informs them that they are playing too much ska, and once they come back from international waters that they’ll be fined. After discussing Captain Sullenberger's travel patterns, Dillon and Matt realize it will be easy to sneak back to shore when necessary.

The show wraps with a last-minute call from Dan, who has parked his car at the bottom of the ocean and reveals that Mr. Tuna might be his grandfather, both of whom are Baby Protein Shake users. A man named Otha also calls in with hot takes about Texas's energy grid.

They run out of time before deciding whether the genres complement or contradict.

## Featured Characters

Matt Fox

Dillon Minacci

Mr. Bumblebee Tuna

Cody

Captain Sullenberger

Dan

Otha

## Featured Music

The Selecter - "Washed Up and Left for Dead"

Skankin' Pickle - "Amazing Hack"

The Specials - "A Message to You Rudy"

Mustard Plug - "This is Your Brain on Ska"

Mighty Mighty Bosstones - "Bad in Plaid"

The Siren Six! - "Frame Up"

Mighty Mighty Bosstones - "He's Back"

Catch 22 - "Kristina She Don’t Know I Exist"
Ska Wedding

## Overview

Double Heads Variety Hour presents "Ska Wedding," where DJs Dillon Minacci and Matt Fox present a playlist combining ska and songs from a wedding they are DJing. They talk ambiguously about their personal lives, speak to a union rep, and have a bride complete a questionnaire. Listen to the episode.

## Episode Summary

Matt Fox and Dillon Minacci start the week's episode speaking very ambiguously about a personal conversation they were having right up until they went on air. They try to keep having the conversation but it doesn't really work out. Dillon confesses to Matt that for the past two weeks he's been in Galveston spending time with Jimmy Halloween and Christopher Business, members of a Jeep cult the DJs met during "Coma at Any Moment." Matt forgives him, and the DJs then discuss where they get notary services done.

They are DJing a wedding in Fredericksburg in a couple days, and they take a while to remember the names of the bride and groom. They are actively curating the playlist for the show, but also want to play ska for the ten weeks leading up to their 100th episode, so they decide to curate both ska and wedding music.

The bride of the last wedding they DJed, Sophie Shay, calls in to chat. The DJs then present her with a questionnaire that they forgot to have her fill out following her wedding. The results are:

1. Overall Experience: 5 stars
2. Prizes Offered: 3 stars
3. Dance Moves: Dillon - Positive; Matt - Negative
4. Their Marriage Thus Far: 5 stars

They also get a call from longtime friend Dan, who updates them on his life. He was recently promoted from an independent contractor to a contracts manager, which means he has a salary and can afford an in-space pool. His parter, In Crime, who most recently went to space jail, cut a deal with prosecutors and is now working for the man.

The DJs get a call from Philipe Alkazar who is the head of the Wedding DJs Union Local 457, who is very upset to hear that Double Heads – a non-union DJ duo – has a gig lined up. He claims the union has 457,000 members and that they have deals with Motown Records and Stones Throw Records to pay DJs $1 per time they play a song from either label. He is originally from Detroit, and when the DJs ask if he knows Mike Korolla, he outs Mike as a union buster, as he only allows scab DJs to work Circle K events.

The final call comes from Lima Green, who updates the DJs that she in fact went to Kerrville to get a divorce, successfully received it, and now needs them to DJ her divorce party. While her goal was to divorce her partner for money, he only had bottlecaps to his name.

They decide the genres complement.

## Characters

Matt Fox

Dillon Minacci

Sophie Shay

Dan

Philipe Alkazar

Lima Green

## Featured Music

The Creation - "If I Stay Too Long"

Madness - It Must Be Love"

Phil Cordell - "RED LADY"

Hepcat - "Together Someday"

Glen Campbell - "Rhinestone Cowboy"

Starship - "We Built This City"
The Sentient Ghost of Mort Garson

## Overview

The Sentient Ghost of Mort Garson is a scarlet begonia.

## Detailed Biography

During "Punkgrass Part 4," Matt Fox suggests that Christian Christmas band Merry Cherry water their recently gifted scarlet begonia to keep it healthy, and once they begin to water it, it starts to speak. The begonia quickly introduces himself as The Sentient Ghost of Mort Garson, but the DJs just call him Mort. He has a thick Boston accent, which is confusing because Mort Garson is Canadian. Mort is quick to insult Matt's plant care practices, as he devoted much more time to his personal plants.
Zeus

## Overview

Zeus is the god of the sky and alleged DJ of Double Heads Variety Hour.

## Detailed Biography

While Zeus did not officially appeared on Double Heads Variety Hour, during "My Crunchy Country Heart," resident puddle Gurgle informs Dillon Minacci and Matt Fox that Zeus plays Double Heads Variety Hour episodes in the clouds and claims the show to be his own.
Fifteen Minutes of Golden Hour

## Overview

Double Heads Variety Hour presents "Fifteen Minutes of Golden Hour," where DJs Matt Fox & Dillon Minacci present a playlist combining songs about glass and flowers. They write a press release, discuss insurance fraud, and learn frog farming tips. Listen to the episode.

## Episode Summary

Matt Fox and Dillon Minacci are writing a press release to address the issues following the wedding they hosted over the weekend. The couple they hired during "Skanking & Dining" did not show up, and the 50 extras they hired from Craigslist to be the crowd wound up rioting after being served a mere three vegan tacos per guest. The event planner – who constantly smoked cigars – seemed pleased with the turn of events and might have only allowed the wedding to happen in the first place to collect on insurance payments.

The DJs get a call from Phil Lip, a glass repair man who has recently fallen on hard times. While he is able to install glass on almost anything (pet stores, cars, etc.), people are "keeping money in their pockets" and not paying for glass repair. Phil has found a solution where he goes around to businesses and residential areas, recommends people increase their glass break insurance, and then smashes those same windows the following week.

Before Phil smashes windows, he spends sunset with his ex-wife, Sheila, and their beautiful boys – all of whom live in a duplex beside Phil. After they have dinner together and enjoy the sunset, Phil puts on a mask and starts destroying property. He and his family then meet back up at sunrise for another family moment.

The DJs get a second call from Greg Orey, an endurance frog raiser who clearly misunderstood that the DJs were talking about insurance fraud. He breeds frogs for distance hopping, a sport that both DJs are unfamiliar with. Greg raises the frogs in his bathtub, where he transitions them from tadpoles to frogs by creating a tub whirlpool with an oar. He also bathes in the same tub and admits to swallowing multiple tadpoles. To keep his girlfriend content with the setup, he buys her necklaces and flowers.

They get a final call from John Lily, an insurance fraud investigator who is very familiar with Phil Lip's work. He claims Phil is formerly from Miami. John is from Dupont, Iowa and laments how sleepy Austin is compared to his hometown. When pried further it appears Lily might actually be an insurance fraudster himself, but they DJs run out of time.

They decide the genres complement.

## Characters

Matt Fox

Dillon Minacci

Phil Lip

Greg Orey

John Lily

## Featured Music

Philip Glass - "Opening"

A Perfect Circle - "Rose"

The Faint - "Glass Danse"
Savvy Sam

## Overview

Savvy Sam is a local investor and former oil rig worker.

## Detailed Biography

During "Running & Crying," the DJs are interrupted by Savvy Sam, who barges into the studio. She says she's a local investor who was recently robbed of NFTs (in JPEG format) she hosted on a private server. The images were of various monkeys featuring unamused expressions, and she spent most mornings petting each one on the screen. The DJs decide that they will help to solve the mystery.

Savvy Sam is an avid jogger and somehow managed to both hold her breath and cry throughout the 8 miles it took her to get to the studio. She claims to be in her mid 50s – although the DJs think she looks like a young child – and she says she is a retiree from working on an oil rig. The more the DJs chat with her, it becomes obvious that her computer was actually two paper plates, and that she drew the monkeys on said plates.

At one point, Savvy Sam notes that women can legally sell PCP.

Savvy Sam's NFTs are allegedly being held hostage by hacker LOL Mudkipz, with bananas foster being held as the ransom. Sam attempts to negotiate with the hacker, but ultimately does not succeed.
Jonny Calzone

## Overview

Jonny Calzone is a Calzoniverse resident and the mirrored version of Jonny Stromboli.

## Detailed Biography

Jonny Stromboli first appears during the end of "Night & Day," after DJs Matt Fox and Dillon Minacci enter a parallel universe warp. He is very similar to Jonny Stromboli in all but name. He agrees to give Matt and Dillon a place to stay while they try to get back to the Stromboliverse.

Jonny hosts the DJs at his home throughout the week they are in the calzoniverse during "Enter the Calzoniverse," which has a waterbed.

In "Return of the Calzoniverse Part 2," Jonny swings by the studio to greet a lost Matt Fox. Similar to Jonny Stromboli, Jonny Calzone is not doing well and has recently gone through a divorce. His ex-wife recently kicked him out of their home, and he quickly scrapped the windows – which in the Calzoniverse is just plastic wrap – to pay alimony. He scraps windows from other unsuspecting people and considers it a job as a Stripper with a capital "S," but Matt worries that he's just a criminal.

During the same episode, Callie Calzone calls and claims to be related to Jonny, which he vehemently denies. She is an heiress to the calzone fortune and spends her days drinking wine at 4pm.

## Appearances

Night & Day

Enter the Calzoniverse

Return of the Calzoniverse Part 2
Paul Howdy Howdy

## Overview

Paul Howdy Howdy is a judge of world records based under a shady tree near Barton Springs.

## Detailed Biography

Paul Howdy Howdy first arrives to the show during "Silver & Gold," when Dillon Minacci kidnaps him and brings him to the studio to judge his and Matt Fox's attempt to break the Guinness World Record for "Longest Call on a Radio Show." While Paul doesn't know much about this specific world record, he does further detail Guinness's Austin office, which is just a shady tree near Barton Springs.

Paul is known for taking swag and flags from local bars and redistributing it to people in other bars. He holds most of these flags and swag at a barge in Barton Springs. Paul also holds numerous world records himself, which he keeps track of in a hemp-bound book.

## World Records Held

"Most Lighters Bummed in a Single Day"

"Most Chicken Eaten at Barton Springs"

"Most White Claws Consumed in a Single Day"
St Post-Rock's Day Part 2

## Overview

Double Heads Variety Hour presents "Saint Post-Rock's Day Part 2," where DJ Matt Fox presents a playlist combining classical and post-rock. He talks a lot about classical music and chats with a friend. Listen to the episode.

## Episode Summary

Matt Fox is alone in the studio, as Dillon Minacci is tied up with work. He takes the opportunity to play a lot of post-rock and classical music and sends out an open request for the public to call in and apply to become his co-host.

Friend of the show Joe Emerson calls in and offers up some music suggestions because Matt sounds sad. He also criticizes the amount of people who call in with names that start with J.

He decides the genres complement.

## Characters

Matt Fox

Joe Emerson

## Featured Music

Godspeed You! Black Emperor - "Moya"

Johannes Brahms - "Symphony No. 1 in C Minor, I Un poco sostenuto"

Mogwai - "Hungry Face"

Florence Price - "Adoration"

Tortoise - "The Taut and Tame"

Steve Reich - "Daniel Variations: I. I Saw a Dream"

The Bitter Earth - "On the Nature of Daylight"
Big Time

## Overview

Double Heads Variety Hour presents "Big Time," where DJ Matt Fox presents a playlist combining city pop and contemporary music. He learns about an important nomination, breaks a world record, and meets a pastry consultant. Listen to the episode.

## Episode Summary

Matt Fox begins the episode without Dillon Minacci, who has now been missing for two weeks. Matt has come to accept that Dillon might never return, and the DJ is excited to play genres that he can't play when Dillon is around. After playing his first city pop track he gets a call from Dillon, who has a new accent and keeps calling Matt "baby." Matt discovers that Double Heads Variety Hour has recently been nominated for *Austin Chronicle*'s 2024 Music Award in the "Best Radio Show" category, and Dillon has been in Los Angeles for the past two weeks shopping demos to agencies and celebrities. Matt is very excited to learn the duo might become big time DJs, and the two talk about all the opportunities ahead of them.

Later in the show Matt meets an interviewee that he booked after a chance meeting in a grocery store parking lot. Her name is Agatha Christie (no relation to the writer), and she is a professional pastry consultant who specializes in Panettone. She works directly with customers who are having problems specific to their Panettones, and business picks up during and after the holiday season. She helps people who don't know what to do with their leftover bread via FaceTime or Zoom, and she is very passionate about her job. She has a tree nut allergy, so she is unable to try the treat.

Agatha's parents split over a Panettone-specific argument when she she just seven years old growing up in Twin Trees, MN – where trees curiously always grow in pairs of two. Because of this childhood trauma, Agatha vowed to help others avoid the same fate that befell her parents. Her father also named her Agatha after the writer due to his love of mysteries. Agatha recalls that her father often staged murder scenes with their groceries, which further embittered her mother.

She loves her job and vacations a few months out of the year, which she typically spends at any ocean because she likes them all so much.

They get a call from Jim Guinness, who notifies Matt and Agatha that they've broken a world record for "the most times Panattone has been said on a radio show." Jim also acknowledges that he's not with the official Guinness brand, but is starting his own book called Guinness's World Records Book, and this is the first record he has registered. Matt is deflated by the news, but Agatha insists he remain positive and appreciate all nominations.

They decide the genres complement.

## Characters

Matt Fox

Dillon Minacci

Agatha Christie

Jim Guinness

## Featured Music

S. Kiyotaka & Omega Tribe - "Route 134"

Kronos Quartet - "Tilliboyo (Sunset)"

Jap's Gap's - "Lay Back"

Kinichi Nakanoshima - "Fantasia Of Veena (Veen Ni Yosete)"

Masayoshi Takanaka - "Teaser"
Return of the Calzoniverse Part 3

## Overview

Double Heads Variety Hour presents “Return of the Calzoniverse Part 3," where DJ Dillon Minacci presents a playlist combining traditional and original Christmas music. He loses Matt to a grocery store, meets a notable citizen and learns more about Jesus. Listen to the episode.

## Episode Summary

Dillon Minacci is alone at the studio and about to start the show when he gets a call from Matt Fox, who is tied up grocery shopping for vegan corndogs. Dillon makes him detail the names of the grocery stores that he has tried to visit, but they're all closed since Christmas falls on December 22 in the Calzoniverse.

Before Dillon can start the show he is interrupted by Mindi Glass, who saw the large "on air" sign lit up outside the studio. Mindi is the soon-to-be ex-wife of Godfrey Glass – who she calls God – and the co-creator of cling wrap windows. Dillon is confused that this universe doesn't use normal glass for windows, and Mindi points out all the reasons why glass is a terrible medium. Mindi has recently hired Jude Law to represent her in her divorce.

Mindi further details what she celebrates during the holiday season, and it comes to light that the Calzoniverse is younger than 2,000 years, and Jesus Christ is a modern-day figure who just went into the cave five years ago.

Mindi lives in a 18 bedroom, 42 bathroom mansion with Godfrey, and she claims that her husband stole her idea for cling wrap windows. She has a new idea that she is hesitant to share on air, but it's flavored gum. She also might have had an affair with Jonny Calzone, who she said was there for her during tough times in her marriage.

Mindi has never thrown up, never had a crash and never had a negative thought. She was also born in a cave.

They decide the genres complement.

## Featured Characters

Matt Fox

Dillon Minacci

Mindi Glass
Bedtime Stories Part 2

## Overview

Double Heads Variety Hour presents “Bedtime Stories,” where DJs Dillon Minacci and Matt Fox present a playlist combining stoner metal and lullabies, again? Dillon time travels, and Matt doesn't believe him. Listen to the episode.

## Episode Summary

The episode cold opens with the remainder of "Dopesmoker," which started on the last episode, "Bedtime Stories."

After the song ends, Dillon is confused. Matt isn't sure why Dillon is so baffled. Dillon talks about feeling like he went through a portal. Dillon thinks it's September 28, but Matt says it's September 21. Matt claims they're about to start "Bedtime Stories," and Dillon is certain that they already started that episode.

As the show progresses, Dillon continues to think that they should stop the show. When Matt suggests they start with "Dopesmoker," Dillon gets very hostile. To compromise, Matt plays a bunch of lullabies in a row.

Even after the lullabies, Dillon still doesn't want to play stoner metal. They go off the mics, and Dillon levels that he thinks he went through a time portal back in time. Matt thinks he sounds insane and refuses to acknowledges it on air.

Dillon becomes increasingly sarcastic about acting as if everything is normal, and Matt doesn't know how to handle it. Dillon begins to trust Matt less and less, as he's not sure whether or not he is the real Matt.

Matt decides to start "Dopesmoker" as Dillon pleads for him to skip it. Around five minutes in Dillon stops the track and chooses to play "Holy Mountain" to prevent going through another portal.

They decide the genres complement.

## Featured Characters

Matt Fox

Dillon Minacci

## Featured Music

Sleep - "Dopesmoker"

Rockabye Baby! - "Intergalactic"

Rockabye Baby! - "Personal Jesus"

Kidzone - "Go to Sleep My Baby"

Johannes Brahms - "Op.49 No.4 Wiegenlied / Lullaby"

Lauryn Hill - "Hush Little Baby"

Sleep - "Dopesmoker"

Sleep - "Holy Mountain"
Sellouts

## Overview

Double Heads Variety Hour presents "Sellouts," where DJs Matt Fox & Dillon Minacci present a playlist combining Mitski and songs about selling out. They meet a man with a strange job, learn about his daily routine, and discuss his dreams. Listen to the episode.

## Episode Summary

Matt Fox and Dillon Minacci recap what they've been doing since taking a week off doing their show after fleeing the volcano. Dillon has been busy working his Lockhart-based alpaca farm called Primus, and Matt purchased the new Mitski album, which he plans to play throughout the episode.

Before the show gets underway they are greeted by a man named John Deere Raytheon – or JD for short. He has heard such great things about Double Heads that he wanted to come on air and talk about his life and hobbies.

20 years ago, JD started selling off his naming rights to corporations – first John Deere, and Raytheon following. He has also sold organ rights to multiple businesses, specifically Ford for his liver and MetLife for his lungs. But most importantly, he has sold large blocks of his daily time to businesses interested in having him present for on-site advertisement.

JD's day begins at 6:00 AM, when he heads to Cracker Barrel to undo all the triangle puzzles. He then goes to the nearest Best Buy around 9:00 AM and and watches the Best Buy cut of Avatar. Around noon he takes a lunch break to listen to Starbucks album compilations, and then DJs at Starbucks for three hours. The remainder of his day is a media blitz, complete with appearances on Joe Rogan's podcast, NPR, and Double Heads.

Despite his inclination to make money through questionable means, JD's life goal is to see his name in lights – whether that be fireworks or a missing persons billboard. His original name was Zach Pugh, and every so often he drops the business names to do comedy, a lifelong passion he continues to foster.

They decide the genres complement.

## Characters

Matt Fox

Dillon Minacci

John Deere Raytheon

## Featured Music

Mitski - "The Deal"

Bot Seger - "Ain't Got No Money"

Mitski - "I'm Your Man"

Waylon Jennings - "Are Yu Sure Hank Done it This Way?"
Mark Hazel

## Overview

Mark Hazel is the New York City smog cloud.

## Detailed Biography

Mark Hazel introduces himself as a loving husband and proud father of two, but most people likely know him as the New York City smog that has recently descended throughout the region. Mark explains that he is 1,000 years old and from Canada, and after Matt asked him to be on the show, he decided to take a quick trip to NYC and Philadelphia to see *Annie Get Your Hoagie*, a popular play in Philadelphia.

Mark is upset about how the media has portrayed his presence, but he's happy to be visiting a state that cares less about pollution. He also notes that KOOP's lack of proper air filtration is helpful to him. His wife is Gloria Hazel and is general smog in Quebec. One of his daughters, Witch Hazel, is getting her post-grad degree in humanities. Mark goes to a therapist, who is the CA wildfires.

Dillon is curious where Mark was on January 6, but Mark assures him that he doesn't exist in January.
Margot Shell

## Detailed Biography

Before Matt Fox has a chance to look over a menu at Ahoy Austin during "Surf & Turf," a woman sits down and suggests he orders the crab legs. Her name is Margot Shell, and she is a recently unemployed waitress who worked at Ahoy Austin approximately 37 minutes prior. She was fired for sneaking crab legs into the bathroom to eat, which she argued had the optimal temperature for crab eating because of its 75 F temperature setting.

A man calls into the show claiming to be Tom from Myspace, but Margot calls his bluff, and it turns out to be Kent Rogerstein, the ex-husband of Margot and owner/proprietor of Ahoy Austin. He is very eager to get Margot back into his life, but she lists a number of reasons why they're not compatible, including leaving popcorn under her pillow, applying slime on her hands, and committing petty tax fraud in her name. Kent argues that these were gestures of love.

Once Kent finds new love, Margot feels free to travel to Africa to photograph zebras.
John Deere Raytheon

### Affiliation

John Deere, Raytheon, Best Buy, Starbucks, Cracker Barrel, Goldman Sacks, MetLife, Ford

## Overview

John Deere Raytheon is a man who sold himself to corporations.

## Detailed Biography

20 years ago, JD started selling off his naming rights to corporations – first John Deere, and Raytheon following. He has also sold organ rights to multiple businesses, specifically Ford for his liver and MetLife for his lungs. But most importantly, he has sold large blocks of his daily time to businesses interested in having him present for on-site advertisement.

JD's day begins at 6:00 AM, when he heads to Cracker Barrel to undo all the triangle puzzles. He then goes to the nearest Best Buy around 9:00 AM and and watches the Best Buy cut of Avatar. Around noon he takes a lunch break to listen to Starbucks album compilations, and then DJs at Starbucks for three hours. The remainder of his day is a media blitz, complete with appearances on Joe Rogan's podcast, NPR, and Double Heads.

Despite his inclination to make money through questionable means, JD's life goal is to see his name in lights – whether that be fireworks or a missing persons billboard. His original name was Zach Pugh, and every so often he drops the business names to do comedy, a lifelong passion he continues to foster.
Eduardo Lasagna

## Overview

Eduardo Lasagna is a psychiatrist and seaweed enthusiast.

## Detailed Biography

Eduardo Lasagna visits the station during "Thanksgiving Marathon" after hearing about the potluck on the radio. He is a local psychiatrist whose practice is closed for the holiday and was excited to swing by. His real passion is selling seaweed, as he loves the science behind the craft. He sources his plants from Florida, where he and fellow psychiatrists found a love for seaweed during their time in medical school. He sells the plants in various forms – both raw and prepared – and considers the hobby a form of self-care. Eduardo's family is originally from Germany, but he was born in the United States in Des Moines, Iowa.

Vino Cochino is excited to meet Mr. Lasagna and for the potential of finding a seaweed source, but after offending Mr. Lasagna by mixing up Idaho and Iowa, it's unclear if a deal can be made. The DJs also offend Mr. Lasagna by making the same mistake.
Jerry Jones

## Overview

Jerry Jones is an employee at Build a Bear.

## Detailed Biography

Jerry Jones is an employee at Build a Bear. She needs to leave the show during "Mallers" because she needs 7 hours of sleep, but her routine begins at 3am every morning for her coffee and egg sandwiches. She has a hobby farm with chickens and is familiar with Dillon’s Primus, the emu farm in Lockhart.
Joel Noscam

### Affiliation

helping peoples for covid-19 at touching lives and helping peoples as God has blessed me and I'm giving back to the needed because a giving hand never lack

## Overview

Joel Noscam represents Ellen DeGeneres and her non-profit.

## Detailed Biography

During "It's Got to Be Ska Part 8," the DJs get a call from Joel Noscam, who claims to be a representative from Ellen's nonprofit. He says that Dillon called the number even though they were told not to, and now Matt has to split the winnings of $500,000 and a Lexus SUV with Dillon. Joel also requires the DJs to answer questions about math and presidents, which they nail.
Dirty Dani

## Overview

Dirty Dani is the owner of the Herpy Hotel.

## Detailed Biography

Dirty Dani is a former Limewire employees who is exploring a new business venture. She won't disclose how long she was employed there. Her latest venture is the Herpy Hotel: a hotel full of lizards.

Dani explains that each room of the hotel features a lizard hiding somewhere, and the appeal to the rooms is trying to discover where the lizard is hiding. The lizards also serve as wake up calls, although this is not explained much further.

When asked about the "Dirty" of Dirty Dani, she explains that she received the nickname after refusing to wash her hands after meeting Britney Spears in 1999. She washed them for the first time during the 2020 coronavirus pandemic.

She calls in during "Probably Plant Talk" but requests to be referred to as Sandra – because of Sandra Bullock. The Herpey Hotel is going very well, and they are now 15 stories high with 20 rooms per floor. They have one lizard per room, and they source them naturally. The lizards live in shoes – sometimes the guests’ shoes, sometimes ones the hotel provides. Dillon suggests they incorporate banana plants into the room décor, and both DJs suggest they use ska for elevator music.

Dirty Dani calls in during "Grievances" to offer a job to Lazarus Lizard and also requests that he provide a Yelp review for the hotel.

## Appearances

Lizards & Dirt

Probably Plant Talk

Grievances
Donnie Delilooe

## Overview

Donnie Delilooe is a manager at Hot Topic and Spencer's.

## Detailed Biography

The guest Dillon booked during "Mallers" is Donnie Delilooe (pronounced Duh-Lih-Low), who is an employee of both Spencer’s and Hot Topic. He is also studying psychology at University of Phoenix and is originally from Sandusky, OH, where he built both a boat and Sandusky Lake. He is 53 years old and has been working for Spencer’s and Hot Topic for 30 years. He was recently brought to Austin as the last employee of both stores to bring them back to working order. Neither company offers health insurance.
New (Age) Metal

## Overview

This week Double Heads Variety Hour presents “New (Age) Metal" where DJs Matt Fox and Dillon Minacci presents a playlist combining new age and metal. They discuss vacation etiquette and provide free therapy to callers. Listen to the episode.

## Episode Summary

Matt talks about his vacation and his time with Chip Flames, which largely was a game of Matt not know whether or not he was annoying Chip. Dillon then talks about going to therapy, and they decide that the show will be a therapy session for whoever calls in.

The first caller is Emilio, who asks about how he can make other male friends in Austin. Dillon and Matt actually give him pretty good advice about joining community groups and volunteering to meet like-minded peers.

The second caller was Everett, who called to discuss problems at his workplace, an unnamed automotive company. Matt and Dillon pretty quickly steer him towards unionizing, but also encourage him to find like-minded workers within the company to begin improving the workplace conditions the find unsatisfactory.

By the end of the show, Matt and Dillon agree this might be the most genuine they've been on an episode to date.

They can't come to an agreement on whether the show complements or contradicts. Dillon votes complement, and Matt votes contradict.

## Featured Characters

Dillon Minacci

Matt Fox

Emilio

Everett

## Featured Music

Enya - "Only Time"

Norma Jean - "Memphis Will be Laid to Waste"

Vangelis - "Field of Coral"

Periphery - "Ow My Feelings"

Slipknot - "Duality"
Judge Arthur Smoldershatz

## Overview

Judge Arthur Smoldershatz is a judge in the Dairyverse.

## Detailed Biography

During "Jury Duty Part 3," the DJs start to explore the courthouse and find a reading room filled with bookshelves, and when they start to leave the room they are shushed by a man reading a picture book in the corner. He introduces himself as Judge Arthur Smoldershatz, and he explains that he is the judge for the case they are working, but that he's also quitting after today. He has a ponytail down to his ankles and is from the judgeverse, where everyone is a judge and makes up their own version of the law. He is from Judge Township 73, which is a sister city to Wyandot, Michigan, hence his love of the Detroit Tigers and Faygo. He is 1,494 years old and splits his time between the Pat Sajak Universe and the Evil Obama Universe. He is currently in the reading room reading *Every Animal You Might See in Your Life*, which is a picture book, and he's stuck on page four.

Judge Arthur then explains that the crime the DJs are jurors on involves a slip and fall accident surrounding a man named Johnny Backstreet Boy, who slipped and fell and has yet to get up due to pettiness.
Arlo

## Detailed Biography

During "Double Hearts Variety Hour Part 2," a man named Arlo wanders into the studio. He is primarily interested in talking about love, and explains that he has worked to collect "love facts" throughout his live. He is from Fayetteville, North Carolina, but has also spent time in the Motion City Soundtrack Universe (MCSU) as well as the Dashboard Confessional Universe (DCU) – and in the latter he is regarded as a hero. He has never been to Virginia and has no interest to visit.

The DJs ask further into Arlo's hero status in the DCU, which he explains is a title anyone can secure there so long as you sacrifice, vindicate and ultimately find love.

During "It's Got to Be Ska Part 8," Arlo calls in to share two new love facts (Love Facts #11 & #12). It quickly becomes clear that Arlo not only loves trains, but he might rely on them for housing. He hasn't looked in a mirror in 13 years, and his girlfriend was recently clipped by a car. His favorite candy bar is the Caramello.

## Arlo's Love Facts

1. Each minute counts.
2. Get it right.
3. There is nothing more romantic than a Spiderman situation.
4. There is nothing more romantic than looking out for yourself.
5. Sacrifice is the cornerstone of every great relationship.
6. Singing along at the end.
7. Love is all you need.
8. If you hear it in a love song, then it can't be wrong.
9. If you stop terrorism, you'll find love.
10. Cars are romantic; they will take you places.
11. Time can mend and break hearts.
12. 70% of trains are on the east coast.

## Appearances

Double Hearts Variety Hour Part 2

It's Got to Be Ska Part 8
Carl Merchant

## Overview

Carl Merchant is the merch seller for esteemed punk band TFS.

## Detailed Biography

Esteemed punk band TFS sends their merch seller, Carl, to the show during "Punkgrass Part 4." He loves selling merch, but the band he works for has no actual merch. Consequently, the band charges Carl a fine every time he works for the band, which includes practices and shows – although they've never played live.
Raccoon

## Detailed Biography

During "Running & Crying," a raccoon calls in named Raccoon, and explains to the DJs that his species does not do names, and instead identify one another by the scent of their glands. Raccoon lives in the East Austin area and was interested in learning more about DJ Trash Fire – who he might have mistaken for an actual trash fire. He details that Raccoons pioneered bananas foster, and that raccoons have an official hall of fame at Garza Independence High School.
Jeremy the Stool

## Detailed Biography

During "Chairmen of the Soundboard," Dillon thinks he has booked a chair as a special guest, but it turns out the visiting guest is actually a stool named Jeremy. Jeremy the Stool is fairly optimistic and doesn't seem phased that the DJs prefer chairs. Jeremy quickly details a few of the many celebrities that have sat on him, including Rod Stewart, a large amount of KOOP DJs, and the entire cast of Harmony Korine's *Beach Bum*.

Jeremy later divulges that he is 37 years old and originally from Pittsburgh. He relocated to Florida in the 90s, where he remained until 2019 when someone kicked him off a pier into the ocean. He later washed up on the shores of Texas, and made his way to Austin. He is an advocate for public transit and hopes to raise enough money to add casters to his legs so he can get more job opportunities.

## Famous Sitters

Rod Stewart

Matthew McConaughey

Isla Fisher

## Not as Famous Sitters

Art Baker

Tim Hertenberger
Bilal

## Overview

Bilal is a dragon who lives in Georgetown, TX.

## Detailed Biography

During "Dads & Grads Part 3," a guest enters the studio claiming to be "Grandpa John," a long-lost grandfather of Dillon's. Grandpa John won't say how old he is, but he does confirm that he abandoned his family the day Dillon's father was born. Dillon is quick to trust Grandpa John despite his inability to answer most questions directly. Grandpa John recently moved to Georgetown, heard Dillon's voice on the radio, and wanted to reconnect.

Grandpa John digs further into questions about Dillon's wealth – and specifically about his ownership of the SS Double Heads. Dillon becomes skeptical of Grandpa John and thinks that he might just at the studio for Dillon's money. Grandpa John then reveals that he's actually a dragon named Bilal, who visited the show in hopes of stealing wealth. He is originally from Montana (but the part about moving to Georgetown was true). He currently resides inside Innerspace Caverns, where he has a pile of treasure and the $ from Ke$ha's name.

During "Solo Santa," Santa Claus listens to a voicemail from Bilal. His hoard has been mostly depleted so he asks Santa for more gold or help finding a job. He laments the state of the Austin job market and his difficulty finding work as a dragon. Santa is hesitant to give Bilal gold but offers to reach out to his local connections that are on the Naughty List and owe Santa a favor, whose initials are E.M., J.R., and A.J.

## Appearances

Dads & Grads Part 3

Solo Santa
Karalyne Rubin

## Overview

Karalyne Rubin is an enamel pin manufacturer.

## Detailed Biography

While at Nashville Interdimensional Airport, Dillon and Matt get a call from Karalyne Rubin, who is the sister of famed astronaut Kathleen Rubin. Karalyne is a fan of Double Heads Variety Hour and discusses her job as an enamel pin manufacturer, where she creates "astronaut merch," which is just NASA-themed pins that barely avoid copyright infringement issues. She is not a fan of Brian Eno and calls him Brian Emo.
Grievances

## Overview

Double Heads Variety Hour presents "Grievances," where DJ Dillon Minacci presents a playlist combining house and funk. He interviews a lizard with a troubled past, buys some Cameos, and speaks with a familiar hotel owner. Listen to the episode.

## Episode Summary

Matt Fox and Dillon Minacci start the show together, but they are still fighting. Matt is just there to help say the disclaimer and then leaves. Dillon does not have a plan for the show, but before he can make a choice about what to do a lizard shows up.

The lizard’s name is Lazarus Lizard, and he’s better known as the lizard model for SoBe bottles. He was born in Norfolk, CT to a poor, traditional family. His mother was a dental hygienist, and his father is unemployed. His twin brother is the other SoBe model.

Once SoBe went under, Lazarus fell on hard times. He’s been relatively poor ever since, but was recently hired at the Herpy Hotel (also known as the SLizzard Lizzard). Dirty Dani called in to confirm Lazarus’s employment and asked if he would replace Weecho as the hotel's bellboy, which he accepts.

Lazarus continues to air his grievances and share his heart, which includes detailing his ecstasy problem from the mid- to late-90s. This drug abuse caused him to grow a third foot. Dillon also confirms that there is an entire universe where SoBe is still around, and it's largely because Lazarus was kicked off the brand before his drug problem started.

But now, Lazarus has turned his life around and does Cameo appearances, although the more he talks about it the more Dillon believes he's tied up in a money laundering scheme. Lazarus walks up to a local church window, hands them money from Chip Flames, speaks a Cameo script into the window, and the church returns less money.

Dillon has Lazarus do two Cameos during his time on the show: one to welcome Kyle Trager, the new KOOP manager, and one to wish TJ Masters a speedy recovery after breaking his arm.

They decide the genres complement.

## Characters

Matt Fox

Dillon Minacci

Lazarus Lizard

Dirty Dani

## Featured Music

Odessi - "Moments of Space"

The O'Jays - "For the Love of Money"
Jim from the FCC

## Overview

Jim from the FCC is an agent with the FCC.

## Detailed Biography

Jim calls Double Heads live on air during "Happy Flag Day" to present a number of demerits the DJs have accrued throughout the episode. He is unhappy with number of calls to action, the amount of honking in a specific song, and also wishes they would play more John Prine.

Jim also reveals that ska laws are now passed off to the coast guard.
Double Hearts Variety Hour Part 3

## Overview

Double Heads Variety Hour presents "Double Hearts Variety Hour Part 3," where DJs Matt Fox & Dillon Minacci present a playlist combining heart and love songs. They meet with their accountant, discuss family curses, and provide love advice. Listen to the episode.

## Episode Summary

Matt Fox and Dillon Minacci begin another installment of Double Hearts Variety Hour, where they provide relationship advice to callers. They quickly begin bragging about how good their lives are, and Matt explains that he is an empath and can feel people's sorrow throughout the city. He also fails at a simple math equation but assures listeners that he's good at adding.

They get a call from their accountant, Jeffrey Rosenstein, who is calling to ask why the DJs haven't paid taxes in four years. He alleges that they send him handwritten notes on napkins, causing issues for both Jeffrey and his wife/assistant, Jeffrina. As the DJs try to explain their financial practices, Jeffrey admits that he's also having relationship issues with Jeffrina, who has been his assistant for 36 years and wife for 35. They work and live out of a 1988 Chevrolet Astro, which is currently stationed in Katy, TX. Jeffrey also complains about the DJs prank calling his wife every week, which they admit to doing.

After their call they get an in-person visitor named Andrew Dirkenheim, a husband, father, and self-proclaimed "bon vivant" who sells Rice Krispie Treats for a living. He has come onto hard times due to the dessert falling out of style, and he is no longer able to provide school supplies (guitars, bicycles made out of chips, etc.) to his four children – one of which he appears to hate.

As the DJs pry into Andrew's life, it becomes clear that making Rice Krispies is the only profession he is allowed to pursue because of a nine generation curse placed on the Dirkenheim family that dates back to 19th century Germany, where his ancestors lived prosperous lives as Rice Krispy makers. Andrew's fourth child, Derek, remains a major focus of his reason for being on the show, as he continuous insults the child – a mere 19 months old – for his awkward gait.

The DJs receive another unexpected visitor to the studio named The Reason, who coughs aggressively until the DJs are able to calm him down with a bucket of water and Rice Krispie Treats. Once The Reason settles, he asks the DJs for spare change and cigarettes. When they can't provide these things, he asks them to make him an influencer, which they have much better shot at.

They decide the genres complement.

## Characters

Matt Fox

Dillon Minacci

Jeffrey Rosenstein

Andrew Dirkenheim

The Reason

## Featured Music

Xiu Xiu - "Crank Heart"

Nine Inch Nails - "At the Heart of It All"

The Flaming Lips - "Always There In Our Hearts"
Enter the Calzoniverse

## Overview

Double Heads Variety Hour presents “Enter the Calzoniverse” where DJs Dillon Minacci and Matt Fox present a playlist of whatever songs they recognize from their own timeline. They try to figure out how to return to the Stromboliverse, learn the recipe for immortality, and answer a phone call. Listen to the episode.

## Episode Summary

DJs Matt and Dillon are still in the calzoniverse, and Jonny Calzone has graciously hosted them for the past week. Jonny sells calzones and has a waterbed in the basement. In this universe, Double Heads Variety Hour is incredibly popular, and people stop them on the streets for autographs. The Far Out Lounge doesn't exist, and ska has a lot more waves.

But as much as they love the calzoniverse, they have to get back to their universe to DJ at The Far Out Lounge. They also learn that cryogenic preservation is possible because of lemon juice. Additionally, Broadway is no longer called Broadway, it's just called Cats due to the popularity of the show.

Their first caller is Jim from Pointy Boulder, who is a huge fan and lists off his favorite shows that the DJs have done, which include shows the DJs don't remember. They allow him to say the famous Double Heads closing line, which apparently is "it's zippity do Double Heads time!"

They still talk over the PSAs, which are the same in this universe.

The DJs also question if anyone from their universe noticed that they are gone, and the agree not to discuss how universe traveling works because they would likely fight about the logistics if it comes up.

Suddenly "Sleep" by Dopesmoker starts playing – which apparently plays at every Yankees game – and the DJs are catapulted back to their universe, where Jonny Stromboli is there to greet them. Apparently no one looked for them while they were gone. Everything is back to normal, and they can DJ at Far Out Lounge now.

## Featured Characters

Dillon Minacci

Matt Fox

Jonny Calzone

Jim from Pointy Boulder

Jonny Stromboli
Squeak

## Detailed Biography

Before Matt can start the show, a talking hamster shows up. The hamster claims to be visiting from the Hamtarotron Universe and is in the Calzoniverse for vacation, but she won't say what her name. Matt plays the songs she suggests and accuses of her of being cagey. She finally says her name is Squeak, and throughout the episode she hints that she might be a cop.
Brian Uno

## Detailed Biography

Brian Uno calls in during "Return of the Calzoniverse Part 4" to clarify that he actually wrote *Music for Airports*, and that Brian Eno stole the album from him and released it under his own name. Uno has created numerous ambient records about factories, and most recently created an album called *The Rock*, which he co-wrote with Dwayne Johnson.
Kathy Day

## Overview

Kathy Day is the Troop Master of Girl Scout Troop 428 in Alpine, TX.

## Detailed Biography

During "Take a Hike," the DJs meet Gretchen Newton, a Girl Scout who has been lost in the woods for 75 hours. When the DJs get a call from her Troop Master, Kathy Day, Kathy seems unconcerned that she lost Gretchen. She claims Gretchen is working on an "82 hours" badge, which she is just seven hours from earning. Gretchen also claims Kathy drinks "adult juice" in her coffee thermos.
Chip Flames

## Overview

Chip Flames is a radio plugger for the stars.

## Detailed Biography

Chip calls in during "The Soulless Soul" from Mexico, where he is sitting at the same pool where DJ Matt Fox is currently relaxing on vacation. Chip is very aggressive throughout his phone call, insulting Matt, Dillon Minacci, and the show guests throughout. His main priority for calling is for Dillon to play "Don't You Worry" by Black Eyed Peas, Shakira, and David Guetta, all of whom he represents. Dillon plays it.

During "Movers & Shakers," Chip calls in after hearing the DJs play a song by will.i.am. He explains that he's been listening to the show every week since he learned about it and once again requests "Don't You Worry" by Black Eyed Peas, Shakira, and David Guetta, all of whom he still represents. He is still in Mexico and gets cagey when asked if he's hiding from something by staying down there. He quickly hangs up following to meet two men that he won't provide further details about.

During "Solo Santa," Santa Claus takes a call from **Chip Flames**, who has never heard of Santa Claus. Chip takes a liking to Santa after Santa reveals he gained his immortality when he stole a dead person’s clothes. Chip asks the listeners for legal help with FCC law, then once again requests “Don’t You Worry” by Black Eyed Peas, David Guetta, and Shakira.

## Appearances

The Soulless Soul

Movers & Shakers

Solo Santa