Orange Is The New Black

Orange is the New Black is the seventeenth chapter in the Wombles Seven.

Charlie was confused.  The last thing she remembered was everything going black, but now everything had gone orange.  Then she worked out that she had woken up in a room with orange walls, an orange floor and an orange ceiling.  She was on an orange conveyor belt with an orange circular saw at the end.  Standing next to her was Mrs Peel wearing orange clothes and orange face paint.

“Now,” said Mrs Peel, “You are going to tell me what I want to know or I will pull the lever and you will move at lightning speed straight into the circular saw.”

“But I don’t know what you want to know!” complained Charlie.

“I want to know…” began Mrs Peel, putting her hand on the lever, ready to pull it, “The location of Queen Lady Catherine Steed VI of England.”

Charlie panicked.  She had no idea where Cathy was, so just made something up because she didn’t really feel like being sawn in half.

“She’s gone swimming.” She lied.

Mrs Peel left Charlie tied to the conveyor belt and walked away then leapt into the sea to look for Cathy.  In the distance she could see a man riding a giant seahorse arguing with a man who was running around a lot on the water.  Then the man who was running ran towards her.  Mrs Peel was electrocuted.  She screamed, then everything went black.  Including herself.

Mrs Peel woke up in some kind of store room.  A woman walked in through the door as Mrs Peel examined her black hands.

“Ah, you’re awake.” Said the woman who’d come in.  “One question though, why didn’t the water mix with the electricity in your device?”

“It runs on solar energy now.” Replied Mrs Peel reluctantly.

“I see.  It’s amazing that you’re still alive you know.  By the way, those clothes you’re wearing are mine.  I leant you them after yours got burned.”

“Oh.” Said Mrs Peel.  “But… Where am I?”

“Welcome to Cadmus.” Replied the woman, who was Lillian Luthor.  “Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to take that immortality device of yours so I can examine it.”

“You most certainly will not!”  Mrs Peel tried to run the door, but Lillian pinned her against it, holding a sickle.  Mrs Peel attempted to turn the knob, but Lillian stopped her by cutting Mrs Peel’s nose off.  Mrs Peel screamed in pain and put her hand up to feel it.  Lillian forced her down onto the dentist chair and reached for her immortality device.  Mrs Peel grabbed hold of the sickle and slowly manged to turn it round and quickly run out of the door.  Lillian was perfectly calm through all of this.  “Follow her.” She said through a communications device.

Mrs Peel ran into a man with black hair and glasses wearing a very clean suit which looked like it had just come out of the laundry.

Harry looked in terror as he saw a bald woman who was a strange colour with no nose run in to him.  “It’s a female version of Voldemort!” he shrieked.

“Calm down, idiot!” snapped Mrs Peel.  “I’m just a normal person.  Kind of.  Now let me through!”  Harry stared after Mrs Peel as she dashed off somewhere else.

Harry walked up the stairs to his front door.  He walked up the stairs and Hermione was there.  “I got you this for your birthday.  Awful coincidence that it’s on the same day as the king’s. Because Harry Potter, you are a king.”  Harry smiled and took the bottle that Hermione was giving him.  He read the label.

“Gooseberry Cider?” he asked, confused.  “I heard the king likes it, and I didn’t know what else to get you.” Said Hermione.  “Oh. Well, it might be all right.  But… I don’t need a present.  There’s nothing you could get me that I wouldn’t sacrifice to have you.”  Hermione tried not to blush, but failed terribly.  Harry tried not to giggle at it, but also failed.  Then they kissed.

Suddenly, Constantine burst in.  “Harry!  I tried the doorbell but it didn’t work, and I don’t like to knock, it’s too loud! Er… Oh… Am I interrupting something?”

Harry broke away from the kiss and turned to face Constantine, turning pale.  “Oh. Constantine.  Hi.” He said awkwardly.

“I’ll… leave now.” Said Hermione, also awkwardly, then went back down the stairs.

“I thought your wife was a red head.” Said Constantine to Harry.

“Ah.  Well… She died her hair?”  Harry was quite obviously lying, but Constantine couldn’t be bothered to confront him at the moment.

“Look, never mind about that now, Harry.  We have a problem.  Trigon has abducted Raven.”

“What?” said Harry, turning even more pale than he already was.  “Then let’s go get her!”