176: Will's Never Met a Trout OR a God

## Summary

**Greg's secret section is hidden here**While the others head to the Trout Temple, Dew encounters the aged elf Harry, who tells him about a half-memory of a gnomish town outside Norton that is no longer there. Dew goes to investigate, and in a forest clearing choked by a thicket of grabby triangle, he finds a bag of monkey-inscribed coins.
Meanwhile, Will, Raphina, Batthwack and Brom meet with the Rainbow Trout, who explains that it brought them to the Temple to send them on a quest to seek out and overthrow the evil lizardfolk warlord Chilchirah, who's goal is to eat as many gods as possible. Emerging from the temple, the party discover they feel rested despite not having slept and head to the mercantile to tool up, though Raphina only buys a can of worm bait.

## Synopsis

**Greg's secret section is hidden here**

Dew is left alone as the rest of the party heads to the temple. The crowds disperse. No one seems to be taking down the stalls or anything. Dew notices a very old man, an elf, sitting on a bench in the village square, watching him intently. He doesn't seem to be getting up to going to go anywhere. Dew starts up a conversation and asks him how many festivals he's seen. The elf says the straight answer is around 360, but if he's honest it's more like double that.

The old elf says that he feels Dew and the party might be interested in a story he has to tell, which no-one else has taken seriously. Dew explains that despite his looks, he was raised by gnomes and has heard many stories. The old elf's eyes widen at the mention of gnomes. The elf introduces himself as Harwich Vellum, known to most as Harry. He explains that his whole like he has felt a split in his mind, a dichotomy, all to do with gnomes. He says he's lived in Norton his whole life and there's nothing else around here for many miles, but he has a memory of a gnomish village south of here. He says that in his memory, Norton had a strong relationship of trade and exchange with this gnomish village. He explains that the dichotomy is such that he feels as if what he described has always been there and still is, yet as though it isn't there and never was. As though two worlds exist at the same time.

Dew is, of course, utterly stunned at the mention of gnomes, as no-one else so far has even been aware of their existence. Harry says that when telling anyone about this, they've disbelieved him, laughed or scoffed. They dismiss it as the ramblings of an old man. Dew asks if he remembers the name, but Harry is fuzzy on that, saying *"Lily... Lillo... Lilaville?"* Dew asks where it existed and Harry says it was only a 10–15-minute walk to the south of Norton. Dew asks if Harry knows who Strahd is, and he says he doesn't. When Dew explains that they keep meeting people who don't remember Strahd, Harry relates his to his situation. Harry is apparently the only person in the village who has a memory of these gnomes.

Harry looks at Dew's wrists and his eyes widen again. He pulls Dew's hand towards him to look closer, seeing the intricate, bright red tattoos of grabby triangles, styled so that they give the appearance of binding Dew's wrists. Harry recognises the leaves, saying, *"This is Devil's Tail!"* Dew says they call it grabby triangle where he comes from. Harry says that he's been to the site where his memory of the gnomish village is and found grabby triangle growing there. He says others avoid the area for that reason as it's not a pleasant plant to come into contact with. Dew says *"I have a different view of it now than I did even a week ago."*

Dew tells Harry the events that led him to join the party, how he belonged to a village of gnomes, had been away hunting when Strahd was vanquished, and when he returned to his village, it had vanished. He mentions that no-one since has even heard of gnomes, until now. Harry says his experience is similar. Dew tells him about the heavy money too. He says that even the small chance that there was once a gnome village downstream is worth a look. *"And grabby triangle and I are on better terms than we used to be. So I do not fear the thickets."* Harry provides directions, saying it's directly south and about 200 feet from the river's edge.

Dew asks Harry if he ever had an audience with the Rainbow Trout. Harry says he did about 150 years ago, but doesn't remember asking them about his quandary. Harry tells him that audiences tend to last about 2 hours, so Dew says he'll make his way south and see what he finds. They shake hands and Dew bows.

Dew heads off into the woods, which are pleasant and light. Before long he arrives at a clearing, which might otherwise be a nice peaceful meadow, but the entire area is choked with grabby triangle. At the periphery of the thicket, Dew kneels down and speaks to the grabby triangle. Showing his wrists, he says *"Friends. I come to you as a servant of Ilmater. I am searching for a group of gnomes, who may once have lived at this spot, who may live here now, and I ask you that I may pass through in my search for my kin."*

A breeze picks up at Dew's back and flows through the thicket, the leaves rustling. They spread apart a little bit in front of Dew, leaving an open channel towards the centre of the thicket. The rustling of the leaves sounds almost like words: *"Come in come in come in come in come in..."*

Dew says *"Thank you"*, bows and gently, taking great care not to step on the leaves, makes his way forward, searching all the while for any familiar signs of gnomish habitation. His legs are soon coated with the grabby leaves, but he's otherwise able to make his way unimpeded. He doesn't see any sign of civilization or development. There are no ruins. He suddenly catches a glimpse of something bright red in the centre of the thicket, near to the ground. He approaches slowly and finds a small ring where nothing is growing, and at the centre is a small leather sack, tied with a bright red cord, similar in colour to his tattoos. He kneels down and picking it up, he can feel it is a sack containing coins. Inside he finds 30gp. Dew laughs at this, in good-natured acknowledgement. He offers his thanks, praying with his wrists crossed as if they're bound. The leaves rustle in the wind and Dew thinks he might be able to hear the word *"Yessss."*

He makes his way back out of the thicket. As he passes out of the perimeter at the point where he entered, he turns and says *"I thank you my friends for that passage and for the gift that you have bestowed."* A brisk breeze flows through and all the leaves shiver and shake, and then everything falls still.

On his way back to Norton, Dew investigates the coins, finding that they're not a type he's familiar with. Instead of Strahd's face imprinted on them, these are stamped with a monkey's face.
Meanwhile... Raphina, Batthwack, Will, Brom and the kid are heading to the Trout Temple. The river stones underfoot on the way to the temple are smooth. They approach the large, round, short stone building, and its open, arched doorway facing the village. Brom and the kid head straight in, followed by the others. Inside, it can now be seen that the structure has a stone ceiling. There are openings evenly spaced around the wall that serve as windows to allow some light in. The floor is stone and roughly at the same level as the river bed, so the river water flows inside the temple. In the centre of this circular temple, there is a round stone cistern on a plinth; it almost looks like a miniature version of the temple without the roof. It's almost full to the brim with water. Will is still feeling sceptical about the Rainbow Trout and muses sarcastically to Batthwack, wondering who they should offer as a sacrifice, Brom or the kid.

A figure awaits them, an elf dressed in ritualistic/religious vestments, bearing a silver tray laden with five glass bottles. They're tall even for an elf and they have long, dark brown hair. He says *"Welcome to the temple of the Rainbow Trout. You've been chosen for an audience with the Rainbow Trout."* This seems to be a very devout elf. Raphina is amazed that he was ready to receive five of them so quickly. The elf explains *"Oh, the blessings of the Rainbow Trout allow me to communicate with the* Council of Three *and Eleanor informed me that there were five winners this year. So I had five potions prepared."* Speaking of the council, he says *"They're the governing body of Norton. They ran the ticket float."* *"Is that Eleanor?"* asks Raphina and the elf confirms it was. They continue, *"You may have your audience with the Rainbow Trout."* Faced with the reality of it, the kid now looks scared and runs out of the temple. The elf holds out the tray and offers them each a potion. *"Upon consuming it, you may go over to the Trout and converse with the Trout."*

The elf gestures to the cistern and explains that the glass bottles are *Potions of Water Breathing*. Will is not impressed with the idea of sticking his head in the water. He's beginning to feel vindicated; this is clearly not the spiritual god he was imagining, but just an actual fish. Brom goes up and takes a potion. Will takes a potion one also, looking at it dubiously. He takes the stopper off and sniffs it. It has no smell. Brom drinks his potion down and sticks his head under the water. Will wants more information from the elf, who gives his name as Dim. Dim explains the water in the cistern is river water and flows in and out. Will wonders if the Trout is trapped, but Dim explains that the Rainbow Trout may go where it pleases. He suggests Will have a look for himself. *"If you're here for an audience with the Rainbow Trout, there is a reason that you are to see the Rainbow Trout."* Raphina drinks her potion. Batthwack takes one, smells it, swirls it around. It doesn't seem dangerous. He saw Brom drink his, and he seems fine, so Batthwack drinks his potion and sticks his head in the water. Will decides to keep watch for everyone else before sticking his own head in.

Inside the cistern, Batthwack finds it is relatively deep and there before him is a two-and-a-half-foot Rainbow Trout. Brom is already in conversation with the Trout, who is speaking in a low gravelly voice. The two of them appear to be talking about the party. The Trout says *"Something has brought you together with them"* and then as Batthwack enters, it stops and says *"Hello Batthwack. It is a pleasure to finally meet you, dragonborn."* The Trout asks where the others are. Batthwack says he'll get them, but before he goes, he asks how old the Trout is and it says *"I have no age. I am now and I always am,"* and says it's always been in this river.

   Batthwack urges the others to join. Raphina's ready, but Will is resistant. Raphina sticks her head in and introduces herself to the Trout, who says *"It's very nice to meet you and to finally get a chance to speak to you, and your friends, and Brom here."* Raphina asks if it's been expecting them and it says *"I know many things."* The Trout asks where Will is, so Raphina comes back out to try and convince Will to join. He walks over to the cistern and looks in to see if they're playing a prank on him, and sees the Trout swimming around in there. Raphina tells him that the Trout knew his name already. Will asks Dim to taste some of the potion to prove it's not poison, which he does so, appeasing Will by carefully not touching the bottle with his mouth. Finally satisfied, Will drinks the rest of the potion, then gingerly squints his eyes and carefully puts just his face in, holding his breath for as long as he can. Eventually he opens his eyes and sees the Trout swimming in front of him. Brom urges them to speak to the Trout, who's waiting for them. Batthwack puts his head back in.
The Trout asks where Dew is and they explain that he gave his ticket to the kid who ran away. The Trout welcomes them to the Trout Temple. It explains that it wanted to speak to them because Norton is under siege. Chilchirah is terrorizing the village. The Trout describes him as *"King of the lizardfolk. He is a terrible warlord. He instructs his kin to conduct raids for him and collect supplies and food for their collective upstream. But his main goal in life is to eat as many gods as he can."* The Trout says that Chilchirah is no god himself, and suspects that Chilchirah believes he will gain power or immortality by eating gods, though he says that this is impossible. *"Many of the gods in this area have been devoured by Chilchirah. I have been able to keep him and his folk at bay, but I suspect that I may not be able to do so much longer."*

Will is confused about the nature of gods. The Rainbow Trout explains that gods are immortal, but they can still be destroyed. It says that it's felt their presence disappear. Will asks what gods have been eaten and the Rainbow Trout mentions the Spring Sparrow and the Most Devout Praying Mantis.

Will pops his head out of the water to check on Dim. He's still in the temple and is standing at a respectful distance near the wall by the door, having set aside his tray. The Rainbow Trout continues, saying that it hopes they may be able to help it. *"I've sensed your approach to Norton from far away. If you can help us with this threat, this pestilence on this land, I will be able to grant you with a great boon that I think will help you in your journeys. You all seem like agents of good in this land. You've seemed like you are here to bring about some change. And I believe that I am here to help you with this."*

Raphina asks why some people don't remember Strahd, but the Rainbow Trout doesn't remember him either. Batthwack asks about the heavy money. The Trout says *"Perhaps you need to let go of your desire to gather money. Perhaps this greed is weighing down on you."* This is a red flag for Will; clearly this Trout is looking to con them out of their money. Raphina asks about gnomes and the Rainbow Trout hasn't heard of them either. The Rainbow Trout says that Brom is to be their guide to the lair of the lizardfolk. It says *"Slay them all and Chilchirah himself, especially Chilchirah."*

Batthwack reflects on this last statement by the Trout, wondering if there's any doubt as to the good or evil nature of the lizardfolk. They had certainly attacked the airship, had said they would kill the ibish, and the warriors were threatened with punishment if they displeased Chilchirah. Batthwack looks at the Rainbow Trout with his *Robe of Eyes*, allowing him to discern that it seems to extend into the ethereal plane, but seeing nothing hidden or masked. While the rest of the party gather information and the Trout asks if Dew will accompany them, Will tries to distract Dim by *Prestidigitating* a tap on his shoulder, picking a moment when the Trout is speaking, to see if this reveals that Dim is actually controlling it. It has no effect; everything seems legit. The Rainbow Trout tells them that the lizardfolk lair is upriver somewhere and Brom will be able to guide them to the approximate location. The precise location is unknown, but it's thought it will be about a day or two's journey.

Batthwack says he's willing to do as the Trout asks. Raphina asks what the boon is and the Trout explains it's the ability to breathe underwater, like the effect of the potion but permanent. Raphina's not very impressed, but says she had no other plans. Will's also on board, because at least no-one would be able to drown him, he says glancing sideways at Batthwack. Brom says he'll definitely go; he won't defy his god.

Batthwack asks if the Trout might help them get closer to Tivoli if they succeed, but it's never heard of Tivoli. Will explains that it's on the Bufflin River in Bufflin. Still not convinced about the Trout's god status, Will tells everyone to leave and asks it to tell him a secret about himself that no-one else would know. The Trout asks him to place his hand on its back. Will reluctantly and gingerly reaches out and touches it with one finger. The Rainbow Trout says *"You're in love but you haven't seen your love in a long time."* Will scoffs and says *"Listen, fish. You are crazy."* The Rainbow Trout responds *"But I'm right."*

Will emerges from the cistern, telling the group that the Trout knows nothing and they should do what they want. Raphina points out that they already agreed to take on the lizardfolk, but Will isn't worried about that. Brom is dismayed that Will might have lied to the Rainbow Trout. They decide to go outside and talk to Dew since he's been included in this.

Emerging from the temple and crossing the river, they see Dew returning from the woods. The sun is just getting above the trees. Brom yawns and says he's gonna get a little rest before escorting them to the lizardfolk lair. Raphina tells Dew that he's been signed up to help. Will asks him what he was doing in the woods and Raphina notices the new grabby triangle leaves on his legs. Dew tells them that he met Harry, who he points out for them, sitting on a bench on the other side of the square, apparently sleeping.

Dew relates the events of everything that happened: what Harry told him and what he found in the thicket of grabby triangle, showing them the monkey coins. Batthwack wonders if place where Dew went causes people to forget. Dew asks them how they got on with the Rainbow Trout. Will explains that it wants them to go and kill the lizardfolk. Batthwack tells them all that he found out, how the Trout is definitely ethereal in some way. Will says it was just like a regular fish and when asked what it told him, he just says it was *"stupid nonsense that's not true."* Will has a look at the monkey money. It's not heavy like their Strahd money.

The village is pretty quiet now. It seems that everyone has now gone to bed. Will wants to go and look for some villagers and find somewhere to stay. He can feel the inevitability of sleeping outside creeping up on him. However, now that the group actually start thinking about sleep, they realise that they're not actually tired at all, which is weird. Not only that, but they feel fully refreshed and invigorated as if they've had a long rest.

Will's interested in checking out the West Shore Mercantile as he's concerned about walking upriver in his nice shoes. He reminds everyone that Ricardo Ulysses stole his boots. Batthwack says that Ricardo stole his holy symbol.

The Mercantile is on the village square, close to the west shore, aptly enough. The door is open. a very young dwarf who seems half asleep is behind the counter. Dew feels sorry for the dwarf, having to work the morning after the festival and the dwarf explains that he missed work too many times the week before. The store is rustic. Half of its goods seem related to fishing gear: spears, rods, buckets, nets, fishing tackle, bait, flies. There are oars, though no boats are apparent. The rest is general goods. Will looks for shoes and finds functional-looking, light brown, waterproofed boots. Batthwack looks at the fishing gear, specifically the spears, which are of varying sizes. He tries some out as potential replacements for his javelins and buys six of them for 3gp. Raphina looks at the bait and asks for a *"can of your finest worms."* She buys a small can of worms for 1sp. Meanwhile Will has decided to buy the boots, finding a pair which are slightly large, but serviceable. He also wants to buy some hair oil, but there is nothing like that, only fish oil. He wonders how the hell people style their hair around here.

Will asks the dwarf behind the counter whether his dad owns the store. He says no, his dad is a fisherman. Will asks what kind of income the store makes, but the dwarf doesn't know. He buys the boots for 1sp and puts them on. They don't see any magical items like healing potions or anything of that sort. The dwarf mentions asking Jill if they can get anything up from Beartoggle specially. He says Jill owns the store and lives a few houses down from the store. Will browses the shelves and spots an abacus, which he finds weird. He doesn't really see much in the way of groceries, but there are provisions, such as salted fish jerky.

Raphina wonders if the Rainbow Trout minds about all the fish being consumed in the village. She then remembers that Dew didn't hear about the water breathing boon they've been promised in exchange for helping with the lizardfolk. Dew thinks that's a good deal since they were probably going to kill Chilchirah anyway. Will stops in his tracks as he realises they have another do-gooder in the party and reminds everyone how Batthwack introduced himself to the party back in Barovia.

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Eric. On their way to the Trout Temple Alex asks *"Is Will with us? I missed that part."* Eric: *"He was."* Alex: *"So Will took his [Batthwack's] ticket?"* Eric: *"He did. Yes. He wasn't gonna give up a chance to meet a real true actual god."* Alex: *"A real trout!"* KT: *"Yes. Exactly!"* Eric: *"That too! Will's never met a trout OR a god!"*

## Gallery

*Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice*

## References

1. ↑ Eric: "Dim referred to the trout as "it" and I, as the DM, have meant to refer to the trout as "it" by anybody who would know what pronouns it might prefer. So if I didn't, everybody, listeners, players, retcon all of those!"
2. ↑ Eric: *"Batthwack comes up dripping. He doesn't have any hair that gets in his eyes. All of his hair is burned off. He looked like Fabio before."* Abby: *"Listeners, leave a five-star review and draw us a picture of Batthwack's Fabio hair."* Eric: *"Monty, I'm looking at you."*
3. ↑ See episode 18: It HAS Been Real!