Lilith

> *a black-clad warrior, fighting for metals heavy and corn syrups high fructose*
>
>

## Lilith

### Aliases

* THE PISS POPE
* Old Lili Caveats
* Indulgent Snackwell (drag king name)

### Occupation

Snack journalist, occasional labor reporter, *New York Times* published writer

## Biographical information

### Place of birth

Southern California.Currently in Portland

## Appearances

### Debut

Episode #1

Lilith is one of the two hosts of *Diet Coke & Lilith's House of Snax*. She has a ray gun that can erase memory, although the effects of it seem to last only a couple minutes based on events that happened in Episode #2. She never cleans herself through conventional means, because her body goes through a sloughing process in which layers of skin build up and fall off. She might have adhesive teeth, because she has been including a lot of horse in her diet, doctor prescribed. Lilith has the best chair in the House of Snax, which prevents her from answering the door when someone arrives. When saying the podcast introduction, she does a pointing motion, while Diet Coke does jazz hands.

She told the Snack-Keeper that she is friends with every human in her realm, including Pete Davidson whom she has been talking to about how weirded out he is by "the whole Kanye situation." She also said that she used to be friends with Tony Blair and even played Pokémon with him, but they are no longer on great terms because of the Iraq War thing. The Snack-Keeper did not believe any of these claims.

## Crime

Joe Biden signed a law that said Lilith is not allowed to like Oreo flavors. There was a personal disagreement between Joe Biden and the Nabisco family, so he decided to select a number of Americans at random and forbid them from speaking positively of Oreos. Any breaking of this law can lead to cops swarming in. Lilith broke this law during Episode #5.

In preparation for Episode #7, she released bugs into the wrappers of every regular Kit Kat in the Anaheim area so that if Diet Coke deceived her and ate a regular Kit Kat instead of a Mocha & Chocolate Kit Kat Duos bar as assigned, she would be eaten alive. Diet Coke later commented on this incident, "That was fair, and I was eaten alive, and I'm dead now."

During Episode #18, Diet Coke murdered Ben Platt. Although Lilith did not commit this crime, Diet Coke later told her, "We killed him. It happened in the House of Snax. We are both culpable. I will make sure you go down with me."

Bubble Up soda is not allowed in Texas, and anyone caught even bringing up the drink within the greater limits of Texas will be shot on sight. Because of this law, Lilith had never heard of Bubble Up until Diet Coke asked her about it during Episode #33. The conversation that followed may qualify as breaking this law, but Lilith is not the one instigated the discussion, and she did not say the soda's name and instead only referred to it by the name "Bubble Gup."

## Taco Bell

When she was getting married to her now ex-wife, about a year before Dan Ryckert was married in a Taco Bell, her marriage was officiated inside of a Taco Bell because the restaurant was an important part of that relationship and her life at the time. "We took a little picture, did a little kiss, and signed the papers inside of a Taco Bell, because that was my church at the time." While Taco Bell is still very important to her, she believes that it has been going downhill for the last few years and rated the restaurant a "wouldn't buy again, wouldn't eat again" during Episode #41. However, she also believes that her local Taco Bell is particularly bad and will likely give the chain another chance if she moves.

During Episode #52, Lilith again discussed the possibility of giving Taco Bell another chance:

> "Since I have moved here, I have been alerted that the Taco Bell closest to my new home, that I have never eaten at before, is good. So there may be some storms on the horizon on this front, but I have not eaten fucking Taco Bell since [Episode #41]. it's still an emotional thing for me right now. I still need to get ready to give them another chance, honestly."
>
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## Miscellaneous Snack Opinions

(Episode-specific snack opinions can be found in the Official Snack Ratings Chart.)

* Dislikes ranch because at age 15 she saw Larry the Cable Guy and two improv comedians licking ranch off of a truck
* Hates Cane's sauce and can't smell it without retching because she had a bad roommate whose garbage can always smelled like Cane's sauce and dog shit.
* Passion is Mountain Dew
* Rarely goes for brown sodas, sometimes Dr. Pepper
* Likes to drink soda out of a half glass because it feels more classy
* Does not like Baja Blast, because it's too relaxing
* Hesitant about both pineapple and coconut
* Not a huge coffee person, but when she does drink coffee, she wants cold and sweet
* Potato chips are the "worst possible use for my ancestral holy tuber... literally anything else you could do with a potato is a better idea than a potato chip" (There is an exception for Lay's Sour Cream & Onion, which she calls "the good potato chip")
* Loves Smartfood white cheddar popcorn
* Loves ballpark peanuts
* Not a big gum person
* Does not enjoy any fruit-filled pies because the fruit filling is too goopy, but she does key lime, lemon meringue, and pumpkin pie
* Flamin' Hot hater
* Is not crazy about Pop-Tarts
* TombStone is shitty pizza
* Lunchables pizza was always bad
* Microwaving a Lunchables pizza is even worse than a Lunchables pizza
* Tony’s is cheap high quality frozen pizza
* She and Diet Coke agree that DiGiorno is good; "I want to eat a whole loaf of bread with my pizza"
* Has difficulties with Sour Patch Kids because they stick to her teeth, a feeling that she hates because she fears the dentist
* Grape is one of her favorite fake flavors.
* As a child, her favorite flavor of apple was red delicious. She has since grown from such childish things.
* A well-chilled aluminum can is one of the best ways to enjoy a beverage
* Not a sweet potato person; sweet potato fries are the Devil's invention
* Not a carrot person
* Favorite discontinued Mountain Dew flavor is Onion Punch
* Onion is an S-tier burger topping, especially grilled
* Doesn't like apple sauce
* Was not a very adventurous snack eater before the podcast

During Episode #52, she revealed her top five snacks that had been reviewed on the show so far:

1. Haribo Sour Crunchy Crawlers
2. Chocorooms
3. Lemon Lime Gatorade
4. Nuts.com Quattro Sour Power Belts
5. Herr's Deep Dish Pizza Cheese Curls
6. (Honorable Mention) Whataburger Jalapeno Ranch

## Quotes

* "Daddy always forbade apostrophes. He's real strict."
* "Texan taste buds process jalapeño flavor as parmesan and ranch."
* "Swimming feels the same as getting stabbed in the dick if your brain tricks you the right way."
* "Well, Diet Coke, call me AJ Styles and get me away from gay people, because today we've got two sweets."
* "Goldfish is one of my earliest sentient memories."
* "It has been very infrequent that I've had to throw away part of a snack on this show, mostly because I'm a garbage monster, and I will chow down on anything."
* "What if we start maybe a cream-filled chocolate that we market as cum-filled?"
* "I don't think I've ever gotten the fuss about pumpkin spice, but it's not like an anti pumpkin spice, it's just like, I've never had a pumpkin spice that makes me think, you know, like, 'I'm gonna go fuck a pumpkin as soon as those leaves start turning brown.'"
* "It's not that I love candy corn or my father any less for only wanting to see it one time a year. It's just that it remains more special and tolerable. If I was talking to my father or eating candy corn 52 weeks out of the year, I think I would like it a lot less"
* “I would love to shove a muddy buddy up my ass”
* "If you ever hear us shilling for harrys.com, you can know right now I'm ending my harrs.com membership so that I can use disposable safety razors, which are more friendly for the environment and are gonna give me a better shave. If future Lilith tells you otherwise, she's a fucking liar."
* "When people say Gatorade is too sweet, I want to wedgie them and hang them from a doorframe."
* "Get vaccinated, get boosted, drink Gatorade when you're thirsty. These are the things that we need to do to survive as a society."
* "I don't wanna eat scat. I don't know if that one's a controversial opinion, if that one's gonna get us cancelled."
* "You were assigned a Doritos liker at birth, and if you still are, whatever, just shut the fuck up about it."
* "I want green fuckin' gamer sludge inside of me."
* "I kinda wanna fuck the Pillsbury Doughboy. Is that weird?"

1. ↑ https://twitter.com/deathcarpets/status/1457151937632251904 (Discussed in Episode #20)
2. ↑ Episode #28
3. ↑ Episode #34
4. ↑ Episode #34
5. ↑ Episode #19
6. ↑ Episode #44
7. ↑ Episode #34
8. ↑ Episode #46
9. ↑ Episode #45
10. ↑ Episode #8
11. ↑ Episode #52
12. ↑ Episode #33
13. ↑ Episode #28
14. ↑ Episode #21
15. ↑ Episode #22
16. ↑ Episode #25
17. ↑ Episode #32
18. ↑ Episode #37
19. ↑ 19.0 19.1 19.2 Episode #40
20. ↑ Episode #48
21. ↑ Episode #50