Gay Community

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## Historical and Cultural Background

The Gay Community, commonly referred to as the LGBTQ community (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer) is not necessarily a culture of a nationality, but a growing *community* within Western civilization. They have their own unique history and have already begun to create a culture.

The LGBTQ community is include in this Christian guide because as Christians continue to work in the field of counseling with a license, they are legally obligated to see any person of any view point, regardless of how the individual therapists view's may differ. This entry will focus on the basic cultural information about the LGBTQs and how best to counsel them.

It is up to the Christian counselor as to whether or not he or she will see a gay client. However, it should be noted that Christians work and minister to those who live in sin all the time. Jesus himself went to where sinners were to build relationships with them and the Christian counselor should not feel exempt from this part of the Christian life. By meeting with those in the gay community in a therapy session a Christian counselor has the unique opportunity to model the Christian life. However, if a gay married couple requests counseling, then the Christian counselor may find himself in a moral dilemma. Though we can help sinners, such a specific form of counseling could be seen as endorsing a gay marriage and equipping them to "sin better." If such a case is presented to a Christian counselor then that therapist must seek out advice (legal and spiritual) and go to God in prayer for direction.

## Values and Social Customs

Historically, the LGBT community has always been a minority group. As a result of this centuries-long cultural divide, many LGBT people have been wounded by an *“us versus them”* mentality from the world around them. Their own families have even rejected some of them. Others have felt forced out of their churches and communities. Many have also received judgment and exclusion in their actions, attitudes and words simply because they identified themselves with the LGBTQ community. In essence, this group is very familiar with discrimination and prejudice. However, while over time this group has gradually experienced a wider range of acceptance in many places, though this is not the case everywhere. Today, gay marriage is legal and the homosexual lifestyle is being championed as the new civil rights movement. Those who dissent or oppose this view, especially Christians, are seen as intolerant, oppressive, and "on the wrong side of history."

Due to this culture only recently being legally and publicly accepted, there is little information on family structure and roles. The LGBTQ has a very diverse selection of family values and ideals. Some do not deviate much from the traditional family view while others attempt to create a more "modern family" and define it as they go. Modern families are generally more liberal in their values; however, they do believe in building a loving and supportive family unit. Usually they are not anti-morals and want their children to develop strong character attributes, much like a traditional family. They want each member of the family unit to feel loved, valued, supported, and empowered in whatever they do. Since they strongly believe in community, LGBT individuals’ families can provide their strongest sense of community.

### Terms

**Heterosexual** - attracted to the opposite sex

**Homosexual** - attracted to the same sex

**Bisexual** - attracted to both opposite and same sex

**Transsexual** – desires and/or has hormone therapy and/or sex reassignment surgery to resolve
conflict b/w gender identity (conviction of being male or female) and sex
assignment (natal sex based on anatomy)

**Transvestite** – likes to wear clothing of other
sex for a variety of reasons. Not dissatisfied with natal gender and don’t
desire gender change, but do like to present self as other gender

**Transgenderist** – lives in other sex gender role
without going through sex-change surgery

**Bigendered** – identifies as either male or
female and has attractions to both genders

**Drag**
Queen/King **– gay or lesbian individual who**
dresses up in opposite sex clothing for personal reasons

**Impersonator** – mimics opposite gender for
entertainment purposes

### Responses to Homosexuality

* Response at the Extreme Left - This view sees sex as a pleasure to be enjoyed as a recreation. For both heterosexuals and homosexuals, sex is held ethical and legitimate for consenting adults. Sex is a desired good in and of itself.

* Response at the Extreme Right - This view sees homosexual orientation (not just behavior) is a personal sin. Every homosexual impulse is an individual choice and the individual is thus completely responsible for one’s sexual orientation and behavior.

* Committed Gay Relationship - This view sees homosexual orientation is not a choice, but a biological given. Therefore, homosexual erotic expression in a committed, monogamous relationship is affirmed morally right and good (Held by liberal Christian theologies)

* Sexual Abstinence or Change - This view sees that homosexuals are not responsible for their orientation, but are responsible for their behavior. Homosexual individuals may either pursue change therapy or choose sexual abstinence (similarly to the single heterosexual Christian)

## Counseling Methods and Considerations

Common presenting problems for the gay community may include, but is not limited to:

* Discrimination
* Identity
* Tensions in the family about client's sexual orientation
* Sexual education
* Trauma

As a therapist approaches these problems, the client's own cultural and historical identity needs to be taken into consideration before determining a treatment plan. Any other approach to how to address the presenting problems is up to the therapist.

## Same-Sex Attractions

The following will explore counseling techniques to work through with Christians struggling with same-sex attractions.

### Sexual Identity

Sexual identity and sexual orientation are **not** the same thing. Sexual identity is how *you* label yourslef by your sexual preferences. There are even public and private sexual identities which may be identical, but are not necessary to be so. These identities are influenced by attractions, genetic sex, feelings of masculinity or femininity, intention of attractions, and beliefs and values.

### Three-Tier Distinction of Homosexuality

1. **Same-Sex Attraction** - Regardless of the cause, the experiences of attraction to the same sex can not be controlled and it does not say anything about your identity or behavior.
2. **Homosexual Orientation** - To have a homosexual orientation is to describe the experience a same-sex attraction that is strong enough and persistent enough to feel oriented toward the same sex. If only for the same sex then homosexual orientation. But if towards both sexes than bisexual orientation. Because this is based on experience and personal identification, to have an orientation is subjective to the individual and cannot be measured.
3. **Gay Identity** - A socio-cultural label people use to describe themselves which is imbued with meaning in our culture. To use this label is go beyond describing experience and instead form their identity. It is in the distinction of identity where an individual can make a choice. In most research, researchers only look for attractions and orientations with the assumptions of how they form their identity. About 6% of men and 4.5% of women report feeling attracted to member of the same sex. But only 2% of men and about 1% of women have strong enough same-sex attractions to say they have a homosexual orientation. It would be presumably that those with a homosexual orientation have integrated their attractions into a gay identity, but researchers do not look for this. It may be “splitting hairs”, but it creates an intellectual space to sort out one’s sexual identity in relation to their Christian identity.

#### Sexual Identity Formation for Homosexuals

1. **Identity Dilemma** - Something is different from what other people are experiencing
2. **Identity Development** - Process of sorting out sexual identity and what having same-sex attractions means (What does this say about me, how do I make meaning out of these attractions, are they the core of who I am, are they part of me and my identity?).
3. **Identity Synthesis** - The sense that the indvidual has "arrived" at their identity and who they are

### The Gay Script

The term “script” means the way in which we
come to understand ourselves and or
lives and they reflect the expectations of our culture in terms of how we are
supposed to live, relate, and behave. Individuals
who find that they have a homosexual orientation us the “gay” script that
society gives us as an instruction guide for how to relate with such
attractions.

The script says:

* Our attractions are central to who we are and no one can question or judge behaviors that reflect such an identity.
* Sex is simply recreation.
* Same-sex attractions signals a naturally occurring distinction between homosexuality, heterosexuality, and bisexuality

### Alternative Scripts

Christians have the choice to allow their
attractions to determine their identity or not. Christians can attribute their
attractions to the fall and see these attractions as something that wasn’t
God’s intention or ideal for sexuality and sexual behavior. Or Christians can adopt the gay identity
label and make their beliefs and values line up with their identity and
behavior.

* Christians who do not adopt a gay identity make their identity and behavior line up with their beliefs and values – beliefs and values determine identity which in turn determine behavior.

* Christians who do adopt a gay identity and script see that their identity and behavior come first – they worship God on their terms.

#### Identity in Christ

This script relies on integration
rather than discovery. Discovering
attractions assumes these attractions tell us who we are. Integrating our
attractions recognizes same-sex attractions exists, but the individual has a
choice about behavior and identity. One
can integrate his or her attractions into a gay identity or not. The choice is
theirs.

By
forming a sense of identity around other aspects than just sexuality, an
individual can form their identity around the person and work of Jesus Christ.
Their identity is not “gay” or “not gay,” but “in Christ” which creates a
positive sense of self and gives purpose to their life.

##### Transforming the Word "Gay"

To be a “gay Christian” can be
transformed into meaning a Christian  who
experiences same-sex attraction or orientation.

However, the individual should avoid referring to
himself as “a homosexual.” The terms “gay” or “homosexual” should act as the adjective – never the noun – in phrases such
as “gay Christian.”

Doing
so sense the linguistically signal that being gay isn’t the most important
thing about one’s identity. We are Christian before anything else. A same-sex
orientation is part of the individual’s makeup, a facet of themselves, but all
that will fade away at the resurrection. The only part of our identity  during that time that will remain is our
identity in Christ.

## Effective Witnessing

### Biblical Ethic of Homosexuality

Homosexuality, like lust or adultery or any other distortion of sex, seeks to appease the desire for sexual fulfillment outside the context that God has designed sex to be in.

We have many desires. We desire to eat, to laugh, to have bowel movements, to have sex. There is a proper context for each of these things, but if we are not
careful, we can deviate from these proper contexts. Over-eating is dangerous.
Making fun in a serious situation is insensitive. Having a bowel movement in
the middle of the grocery store is socially unacceptable. Likewise, sex can be
misused and be distorted from of God’s design when it is taken out of its
proper context.

### Washed and Waiting

"Or do
you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be
deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor
men who practice homosexuality, nor
thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will
inherit the kingdom of God. And such
were some of you. But you
were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of
the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God." (1 Corinthians 6:9-11)

"We ourselves, who have the first
fruits of
the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as
sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in
this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes
for what he sees? But
if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience." (Romans 8:23-25)

#### Identity in Christ

Paul
paints a bleak picture, not least for those who feel the
sting at the mention of homosexuality. But the picture is not finished. Paul emphasis on how things have changes, saying "Some of you were stained by your sin, but
you have been washed clean from old habits, forgiven, and made part of the
community of believers!"

Paul also shows that the Holy Spirit acts as a “down payment” on your future
inheritance. We feel happiness because of this, but also a gut-wrenching hunger
for its completion. We can only wait. So
much of the life of the Christian who has same-sex attraction will consist of
learning how to wait, to be patient, to endure, and to
“bear up under an unwelcomed burden for the long haul.” When
Christ returns, we will be raised and be given new, perfect bodies where there
will no longer be homosexuality. But until then, the gay Christian must “hope
for what he does not see.”

An identity as one who is forgiven and spiritually cleansed and one who struggles with a frustrating thorn in the flesh, looking forward to what God has promised to do.

## Additional Resources

* *Homosexuality and the Christian*by Mark A. Yarhouse
* *Washed and Waiting* by Wesley Hill
	+ “Today’s homosexuals are called to prove, live out, and celebrate the moral empowering of the Holy spirit in homosexual terms. This book is about what it means to do that – how, practically, a nonpracticing but still-desiring homosexual Christian can ‘prove, live out, and celebrate’ the grace of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit in homosexual terms.”