Fantastic Beats and Where to Find Them

Broadsword Beagle and Decius have had a happy life with each other in the Umbrella Ringdom with their adopted Skeleton son Billy Bookcake Beagle (though nowadays he is known by a different name). They often visited their hometown's main tourist attraction, the Umbrella Space Needle (use your imagination) and enjoyed the new age music of the 1990s. and now that Billy was a teenager, he was perusing his dream.

One night, the not-as-popular-as-thinks-he-should-be wizard/DJ prodigy The Final Boss and his best friend/sidekick Beats Boy were DJing at a mediocre rave club. It wasn't the best Seattle had to offer, but it was the one that hired them.

Patty O' Furniture stood on the dance floor, watching the dancers around her. She wasn't here for the music, though, she came here looking for love.

Oswald That Endswald, a not-as-popular-as-thinks-he-should-be adventurer approached the club tried to break in, but was stopped by a bouncer, who confiscated his armor. Oswald was upset about this. He really wanted to get in, as he was absolutely certain that there would be some dungeon baddies to fight in there based on the sounds he could hear from inside. What he was hearing was actually Final Boss' song "Vuvuzebra" and Patty was surprisingly enjoying it.

Before too long, the song was over and Beats Boy took the mic to talk about their sponsor for tonight, the church if slime.

Patty was bored by the advertisement, so he went to the bar. SHe was too short to reach it, however, and needed to use a stepladder before she could even see the bartender. Once she was up there, she tried to flirt with the customers sitting on either side of her. They were both uninterested so they got up and left, without saying a word.

One of them had left behind an uneaten gelatinous octohedron, so Patty figured "hey, free food" and ate it. The bartender looked surprised, and told her that no one had ever actually eaten one of those before. He was so astonished, he gave her the sword Excalibur as a prize.

Oswald, being an experienced adventurer, was not new to foes like the club bouncer. He snuck up behind the bouncer, killed him, and waltzed into the club.

The Final Boss was stepping down from the stage to take his break when a crippled child asked him for his autograph. He took the kid's crutch and signed it.

a geek at the club noticed Patty's advances on other men and hopefully approached her. Patty wasn't interested in guys like him, however, so she stabbed him with Excalibur. In her mind this was justified because no one would ever want to date him.

Upon entering the club, Oswald was delighted to see a banner above the stage: a skeleton called "The Final Boss." What could be a more perfect enemy to kill? He walked towards the stage, but first he ran into the performer scheduled to DJ after TFB, "Unspeakably Awful Indescribable Horror." Pattey helped Oswald kill him, for a similar reason to the geek from earlier.

When The Final Boss stepped out of the break room, he saw that his coworker Indescribable Horror was dead. He never particularly liked Horror, but if there was some DJ-killing monster around he didn't want to stick around to meet it. He got on stage and played a rushed version of his magical DJ finale, picked up his lyre from the coatrack, and headed out the door.

Patty followed him out because, even though she's not into Skeletons, she knows attractive people like attractive music. Oswald mistook Patty for a damsel in distress enchanted by the evil music, so he followed them out as well.

Beats Boy wanted leave too, but his shift wasn't over yet. Then he got a call from the church of slime asking him to stop sponsoring the, freeing up his night. he ran out the door to catch up with TFB.

As he ran up to his friend, Beats Boy almost tripped on a banana peel and nearly got lost in some fog that looked like a bear. When he finally caught up, he warned The Final Boss that there were two suspicious looking people tailing them. Then he did the only thing he knew how to do in this situation, call his dad.

Beats Boy's dad, "Pluto", showed up soon and confronted the seeming stalkers. Oswald, being an experienced adventurer, made quick work of Pluto and left his unconscious body on the sidewalk.

While all that was going on, Patty was noticing a fountain in the park across the road, and made a mental note to come back later in case it was the fountain of youth. She didn't really notice the fight, but when Oswald approached her claiming to have saved her from an evil dad, she decided to give him a chance.

Beats Boy and The Finall Boss knew they were in danger now, so they tried to escape by hiding in the nearby mall, camouflaged by the crowd. Beats Boy thought about shopping at "The Jersey Devil," but ultimately decided against it

Patty decided the mall was a good place for a date, so she and Oswald entered, headed straight into The Jersey Devil, and bought a couple of romantic jerseys.

Against all odds, Oswald notices his enemies in the crowded mall, and became enraged that they would bother him on his date.

Beats and Boss, oblivious of Oswald that Endsawld, entere the malls Department of Magical Wizardry (the DMW) to officially get their magic licenses AKA DJ licenses. They thought they got to the end of the line, but they had actually mistaken a guy named Loki for the end of the line. Out of frustration, they punched him simultaneously.

to pass the time, Beats Boy got out a book and started reading it. Left with nothing to do, The Final Boss was left to his own thoughts. He was so bored he was hit with immense inspiration, suddenly knowing exactly how to make some fantastic beats. Though he wouldn't end up capitalizing on this epiphany for a few years, when he will invent dubstep in 2002.

Patty became frustrated with waiting for Oswald to smite his enemies before starting the date, so out of spite she decided she would ignore him and ask someone else out on a date tonight. Luckily for her, she spotted a handsome Dwarf named Sheldon who didn't seem to be doing much this evening.

Patty and Sheldon entered a fancy restaurant while Oswald planed his attack. She wanted the table with the best view of the sunrise, but a wolf had already reserved it. Using the power of her newfound love for Sheldon, Patty kicked the wolf off the balcony so she and Sheldon could have a romantic morning dinner together.

Oswald lost track of his enemies in the extremely long DMW line. He'd conquered every dungeon he'd been in until now, but... really? the DMW? Not today. So he left the mall, dropping his glass dagger on the way out.

The Final Boss and Beats Boy got their licenses... eventually.