Hippo Pool

The **Hippo Pool**is a scene wherein hippos attack the boat. Traditionally, the skipper uses a gun to defend against them.

## Description

### **Disneyland**

*Main article: Disneyland's Jungle Cruise*

[Text.]

### **Magic Kingdom**

*Main article: Magic Kingdom's Jungle Cruise*

A pool full of hippos. Duh. [We'll hunt down how many, where they're located, and what they're doing later.]

The skipper keeps a pistol that's connected by a cable to the front of the boat. This is the only scene where they're allowed to fire it, and they aren't allowed to point it at hippos or humans. It triggers a sound effect that comes out through the speakers.

## Location

### **Magic Kingdom**

The scene takes place on the Nile, after the Downed Airplane, but before the Native Village.

## Spiel

### **Disneyland**

Please be careful, and don't rock the boat. We are now entering a pool of hippopotami. They're big and curious, and could easily upset the boat. I'll try to get us through safely! i am sure of that but

Don't worry, folks. They're not dangerous until they wiggle their ears.

Look at the size of that one on the right!

A big hippo's charging us broadside! [The skipper fires the gun.] That'll hold him.

Another one, charging us, on the right! [The skipper fires the gun.] What a headache he'll have!

### **Magic Kingdom**

#### **Foreboding**

I should've seen this coming. When you've been in the jungle as long as I have, you begin to smell...smell danger, that is! Like right now.

Let's take a vote. All those who want to go on, raise your hand. [The skipper indicates the guests who raised their hands.] Alright, you go on ahead. We'll wait right here.

It looks like these hippos wanna charge the boat...

* ...but I don't they'll be able to afford it.
* ...so it's a good thing we only take cash!

I've got a sinking feeling.

I've got a bad feeling about this.

Hippos! Why did it have to be hippos!

Hippos?! This sinks--I mean, stinks!

Could be worse.

* [The skipper considers the situation.] It's worse.
* They could be icebergs.

Whatever you do, don't invite them over for a bite.

Don't worry; their bark is worse than their bite. Unfortunately, they don't bark.

#### **Stakes**

We're entering a pool of hippos.

* Just one of these six thousand pounders could easily sink our boat.
* They're some of the most dangerous creatures in the jungle. Their teeth can reach up to two feet long, which can easily punch a hole in our boat.
* They're a territorial species, and unfortunately, we're in their territory, which is terrifying.
* Keep a close eye out in case they try to charge us.

Last week, they sank six boats! Don't worry; only five were mine.

They may not look dangerous, but in 1865, Dr. David Livingstone had his boat upset by charging hippos, and he nearly drowned!

#### **Wiggling Ears**

Remember, there's nothing to worry about, unless they start blowing bubbles and wiggling their ears.

A local tribe told me that hippos express affection by wiggling their ears! ...or do they do that when they're about to attack? I can never remember.

We're entering a pool of hippos, but don't worry, these fellas are harmless. They express affection by wiggling their ears. Waitaminute...I think that one's charging the boat! [The skipper scares off the hippo.] Can you believe that? He acts like he's gonna do one thing, and then does the opposite! What a hippo-crite!

#### **The Gun**

Here they come! I'll scare them off. [The skipper fires the gun in the air--not at the hippos.] They hate that. [The skipper wiggles their finger in their ear.] Actually, so do I!

When I'm in the jungle, I try to stay armed. And legged.

Aww, shoot. [Pause.] Actually, that's a great idea! Everyone, cover your ears! [The skipper fires the gun.]

There's a big charger on the left! [The skipper fires the gun.] There's another one on the right! [The skipper fires the gun again.] I bet he'll have a headache tomorrow.

[The skipper ducks down in the boat.] Tell me when the coast is clear! [The skipper shoots in the air, then stands.] Hey, we made it! Good thing your skipper is such a crack-pot! Err...crack-shot.

[The skipper fires the gun.] That should scare 'em off. They hate loud noises! [The hippos puff out air and water as they retreat.] It also makes 'em sneeze. Maybe they're allergic to gun powder.

[The skipper fires the gun in the air.] These hippos may be dangerous, but it's the ones in the trees you've gotta look out for.

#### **Not Using the Gun**

Bang! Bang!

* Boy, that scared 'em.
* Phew! That was close!

Don't worry; i'll scare them away with this gun! [The skipper wimpily waves the gun.] Go away, now! Shooo! Thank you!

Begone, thou foul beasts, lest I be forced to discharge mine weapon! [The hippos submerge.] They're terrified of bad acting. You're welcome. [The skipper takes a bow.]

They really hate that clicking noise.

#### **Recovering from the Attack**

These hippos are so over-dramatic. They're such hippo-chondriacs.

You could tell they were scared by the blank look on their faces.

They must not care for my biting wit, eh, folks?

#### **Conservation**

Not to worry, animal lovers!

* I didn't even get close to them. It's what we skippers call a "hippo-shot-a-miss."
* Those were blanks.
	+ They were left over from my previous job, as a blank robber!
	+ Why did the hippo retreat if they were just blanks? Good question! Obviously, after so many charges, he wanted to make a withdrawal from the blank.
* This gun--like my mind--is blank. [Pause.] Well, I gave it my best shot.

#### ***Jingle Cruise***

*Main article: Jingle Cruise*

Oh, no! It's a pool full of hippos! ...or, if you're Jewish, "chippos."

We're surrounded by hungry hippos! I really oughta be more specific on my Christmas List!

Don't worry. Only the naughty ones wiggle their ears.

They're wiggling their ears to keep warm. They don't wanna catch hippo-thermia!