Arthur’s Fued Nonsense

Arthur and D.W. play Confuse the Goose in D.W.’s room. D.W. does a victory dance.

D.W.: I win! Woo-hoo! Yeah! I'm number one! Numero uno. Not three! Not two! Not even one and a half. One!

Arthur: What's so important about being number one? It's just a number.

He leaves the room.

D.W.: Wonderful one. The first! The best! The top cheese! The queen mosquito! The head honcho! The cream of the crop!

Arthur walks down the stairs.

Arthur: Why is it so much better than two? Or four?

He sees his dad on the bathroom scales.

Mr. Read: A hundred and eighty-five? This thing must be wrong.

Arthur: Some numbers are good. Some numbers are bad.

Downstairs Mrs. Read is giving her credit card number on the phone.

Mrs. Read: Seven-six-zero-five-two. Expiration seven-thirteen.

Arthur: And some numbers are just numbers.

In the living room Pal drags a shirt labelled “22” across the floor.

Pal: (growls)

Arthur: But why does everything have to have a number?

Kate is playing with an electronic toy with numbers on it.

Toy: Four. Two. Four. Two. Four. Two. Four.

Arthur: Can't anything ever just be what it is?

Arthur steps out of the house. A voice is heard and numbers appear on the screen.

Male Voice: The time is ten-fifteen. There are a hundred and ten days left in the school year. This house was bought for 237,000 dollars. The age of the Earth is four-point-five-four billion years. The temperature is seventy-seven degrees. This dog is six years old. This is a two-door 1982 car...

The speech becomes garbled. Arthur walks backwards to the house.

Arthur: Argh!

He closes the door and leans against it. The walls shake. Then everything is quiet except for D.W. dancing.

D.W.: The first! The greatest! The bestest of the best. One, one, one!

D.W.: (gasps, sobs)

He slides to the floor.

Character: Arthur’s Fued Nonsense

D.W.: What kind of a game is that?

Arthur: It's not a game. It's a book I’m making.

D.W.: Arthur you are silly.

Arthur: Hey D.W. Do you want to see my cut.

D.W.: Yes Please

D.W.: Okay and He pulls up his pant leg. Aah!

D.W.: (gasps, sobs)

She sobs over the cut.

Arthur: Aah! Watch out!

D.W.: But you're really hurt, Arthur!

Arthur: I don’t care!

He raises his fist and hits D.W. on the arm. She falls down and looks blank for a moment. Then she runs away and cries painfully.

D.W.: (crying)

Mrs. Read: Arthur Timothy Read, come here!

Arthur: Uh-oh. Middle name.

He gets up and goes to the living room.

A while later, Arthur sits on a chair in the living room facing his parents.

Mr. Read: Arthur, this means no TV for a week!

Arthur: What?! That is so unfair! You don't even care what she did to me!

He turns away.

Mrs. Read: We'll deal with what she did, but what you did is wrong too. That’s why I have D.W.

Arthur and D.W. sit on the living room couch, as far away from each other as possible. Jane stands right in front of them while David sits in an armchair and he pouts a bit.

Jane: Alright. What happened?

Both kids start explaining at once.

Arthur: D.W. wanted me to play with her, and I didn't want to, but then she started hitting Pal with his toy, so I tried to teach her how to...

D.W.: I just wanted to ask Arthur a little question, but then Pal started jumping up and down with that slimy...

David angrily stands right up.

David: I've heard enough! No TV for both of you for two months!