TRP: Goro and Hansel (Twine)

[SETTING: Morning 201, the day after the wedding.]

Hansel was pretty fucking used to waking up horrifically hungover. This was the first time for him to do it in Goro's bedroom, though, which threw him off -- fucking unfamiliar, and with his brain feeling like it was covered in moss, which made him lurch up out of the bed abruptly. It'd been a long fucking time since he'd woken up somewhere he didn't recognize.

But it clicked, then, and he slumped back down on his stomach, groaning quietly. Too fucking bright in here. He felt about half-dressed, but he wasn't opening his eyes again to check. He fumbled for Goro.

Lina:

Hansel suddenly sitting up made Goro jolt awake, half jumping out of his skin, too. Holy shit. It had been weeks since he slept in his own bed with someone. Hansel's grabbing hands were nice, though. Familiar. Goro scooted close, curling up next to him, and let out a sigh as his racing heart slowed down.

Ugh. He felt like shit. Why did he keep thinking getting drunk would be a good idea? He smacked his mouth a few times. Sour. Disgusting.

Izzy:

"Mmf." That hadn't even started out life as a word. Just kind of an acknowledgement that Goro was there. Hansel patted him until he found his head, then curled in to kiss it. Hahah. Poor Goro. Fuckin' hungover. Not that Hansel wasn't, he just had a lot more experience with it.

"Morning," he mumbled.

Lina:

"Hi." Goro squinted in the light. "It's terrible."

Izzy:

Hansel mm'd in agreement.

Lina:

"I'm gonna go prepare a spell that'll fix me," Goro said, sitting up.

Izzy:

Hansel snorted. "M'kay."

Lina:

Goro tumbled out of bed and went to his altar. He lit some incense and picked up his prayer book, paging through, still squinting. Goddamn, those letters were small. And the smoke was making him feel kind of ill. He pushed through, finding the prayer he needed and spending a few minutes reciting it and meditating.

When he was ready, he cast a restoration spell on himself.

Didn't fucking do shit.

He padded back to bed, groaning, and climbed in next to Hansel. "It didn't work. What do I do?"

Izzy:

"Drink water," Hansel mumbled, dragging Goro in by the waist again. "Or get drunk again." He cracked an eye open. Nah, they hadn't brought anything up with them. "Or go back t'sleep."

Lina:

"Can't sleep with this headache, ain't never getting drunk again, and don't have any water. What else you got for me?"

Izzy:

Hansel hugged him. "Fuck all."

Lina:

Goro groaned again. Then he patted the arm Hansel had wrapped around his waist. "This is good, at least. I like this."

Izzy:

"Mm," Hansel agreed. "S'good. Doesn't help with the hangover. Good, though."

Lina:

"Why'd you let me drink all that wine? God damn it."

Izzy:

"Couldn't fuckin' stop you, honestly." He shifted a little and yawned. "You fucking chugged it, chatichi."

Lina:

"You're like, fucking twenty times stronger than me. Just grab the bottle away next time." Goro rolled over more so he could nuzzle against Hansel's chest. God, he'd missed them waking up together. Was worth the hangover, honestly.

Izzy:

Hansel scoffed. For a fucking second he thought about saying, Nah, love, if I gotta be hungover you gotta be hungover. That's marriage. That'd be a terrible way to bring that up, though. Bad fucking idea.

"Nah. You're too stubborn," he said instead. "You'd just fuckin' steal it when my back was turned, or something."

Lina:

"That's true. And I'd yell at you. Better just let me go through with it. By the way, same thing applies next time you see me taking out the Leech."

Izzy:

Hansel put a hand over Goro's face and pushed him away, grumbling. He rolled over. "Fuck off about me fighting bears, then."

Lina:

"Maybe you fighting a fucking bear is the reason I'll have to take it out, huh? What do you think of that? Yeah, better be more fucking careful when I'm not around." Goro climbed on top of him, kissed his shoulder, and gave his beard a tug.

Izzy:

He scowled and batted Goro's hands away, but then caught him by his elbows, and tipped him over onto his back, pinning him. "Nah." He scratched his beard against Goro's face; it'd been getting long and wiry, out at the farm. "Fuckin' implies I'm not gonna win. Never happen."

Lina:

Goro had some retort in mind, but he just loved that fucking face so much, even when it was scratchy. It distracted him. He kissed wildly, getting whatever he could--cheek, chin, lips. It was all good.

Izzy:

Hansel snorted, kissing him back. Another fucking victory.

Lina:

"You know, I've been real lucky with the Leech so far, just like you've been lucky with bears."

Izzy:

"Yeah?" Hansel drew back to give him a wry look. "Hey, y'know, I was fuckin' there when that tabaxi woman told you the fuckin' Leech has a fuckin' fifty-fifty shot of offing you. What d'you reckon my odds are with bears? I reckon they're better."

Lina:

"Dunno. How many bears have you fought?"

Izzy:

"One. Real question is how much other nasty shit have I fought, and none of it ever killed me either, eh?"

Lina:

"I could say the same for myself." Goro lifted his head to jerk his chin toward the scars on his torso. "You're not the only one with a monopoly on past violence, big guy."

Izzy:

"Past violence? I got present violence, sweetheart." Hansel nipped at his shoulder. "Not the fuckin' point, though. That ain't how it works. I'm saying, I've fought all kinds of shit that probably should've killed me, and my survival rate's a hundred fucking percent. And so's yours, I know, shut the fuck up, but your chances're still fifty-fifty, no matter what you do, and I just fucking get better and better at fighting shit and staying alive. How fuckin' about that, huh? Math and shit."

Lina:

"Maybe I get better and better at using the Leech."

Izzy:

"Uh-huh." Hansel scratched Goro's face with his beard again. "No, you don't. Fucker."

Lina:

Goro snapped his teeth and caught a few beard hairs.

Izzy:

"Krishi."

Lina:

He smacked his mouth again. There was a hair stuck between his front teeth. Hah.

"Hey, let me up. I feel like shit. You should be holding me tenderly."

Izzy:

"Aw, poor little karish," Hansel teased, but rolled off him and onto his own back with an oof, yawning again and settling Goro against his side. "You made this fuckin' bed, y'know. Ain't my fault." He kissed Goro's head, then nuzzled against his hair.

Lina:

"Mm." Goro kissed his shoulder. "Hey, how come you're fine? You must've drunk four or five barrels of rum last night. What's your secret?"

Izzy:

"Oh, I'm fuckin' miserable, I'm just not bein' a goddamn baby about it."

Lina:

"Hey! Fuck you!" Goro pushed himself up and dug his fingers into Hansel's side, savagely tickling.

Izzy:

Hansel snorted, but his stomach rolled when he clenched up from the tickling, and he shoved Goro's hands away and covered his mouth reflexively. He swallowed it back and cleared his throat. "Jackass."

Lina:

"What'samatter? Big tough pirate not feeling so good?" Goro walked his fingers threateningly along the ticklish spot, grinning. "Goddamn, you're cute. You know that?"

Izzy:

"It's fuckin' come up once or twice." No accounting for taste, Hansel guessed. He grabbed Goro's hand and brought it up to kiss his knuckles, then gnaw of the side of his hand gently, then go back to kissing. "Hey, d'you remember the shit we talked about last night?"

Lina:

"Some of it." Oh god. Oh, god. He had to figure out how he was gonna play this. Dumb? Apathetic? Agonizingly sincere? All of them sounded bad. "Hey, I remember you said you were gonna make me coffee, and you never made me coffee."

Izzy:

"Psshh." Hansel bit his knuckles again. "You get coffee when you fuckin' earn coffee." He remembered his note to himself. Gonna marry Goro, gonna live forever. "You remember that thing I told you, 'bout Mishka giving me half his life? Think you were too fuckin' drunk to buy it, but I was being serious, y'know."

Lina:

"Oh yeah. What the fuck was that about? I didn't really get it." He wiggled his fingers against Hansel's lips, forcing more kisses.

Izzy:

"Well, y'know." Hansel had never brought it up, because it was fucking sad to think about. He didn't know if Goro had ever even considered it. They'd been together suck a short fucking amount of time -- thinking that far ahead was kind of fucking ridiculous. "I mean. Half-orc. I got about forty years left in me, tops, assuming I don't get eaten by a shark or anything."

He shrugged. Wasn't that the thought of him dying really bothered him. Just leaving people behind.

"Mishka, though, full-blooded elf and all, he's lookin' down six hundred fuckin' years, uh -- without me." Fucking embarrassing to frame himself that way, as something it would be awful to live without. "So he found this -- or, I mean, he heard about this old fucking magic in Alabaster, and we're gonna find it. Some fucking evil mage used it to suck people's lives outta them or some shit, but we're gonna use it to split the time down the middle between us. Once the dragon's dead, and all, y'know." He waved it off.

Lina:

Huh. Yeah, that was true--Goro knew half-orcs didn't live very long. It just wasn't something he thought about much with Hansel, specifically, since Goro didn't even think he had another forty years left. They'd just have the time that they had. Was pretty fucking sad, though, the idea of a high elf going on to live century after century as a widower. He could see why Mishka had come up with the idea.

"That's smart," Goro said. "I still think it sounds like bullshit, though. Just one of those old legends. How do you know it's real?"

Izzy:

He shrugged. "Dunno. Might not be." He kissed Goro's head. "We're gonna find out, though." He thought about mentioning the vampire plan, but Mishka might've been right about the undead thing. Might change him. He already didn't like a lot of fucking things about the plan, but it was worth it for more time with Mishka -- but if he turned into some fucking person who didn't care about Mishka, then it'd be fucking pointless.

Lina:

"Well. Can't say I'm optimistic, but fingers crossed for you. That'll... that'll be great for you guys." And him, he guessed, if he managed to live longer than the next couple decades, and if Hansel actually still wanted him around--but those were some pretty big ifs.

For the first time, though, he had a flash of picturing what it'd be like if he and Hansel stayed together another forty years, and Hansel just... fucking died of old age, and Goro was still fairly young, and... yeah, no, that was fucking awful. No more of that.

Izzy:

"It'll be fuckin' great for all of us." He rolled onto his side and tugged Goro against his chest. "I mean, probably all gonna fuckin' die doing some dumb shit in a couple months or a couple years anyway, but y'know. Hey. How long do half-elves live, anyway? I got no fuckin' clue. Mishka said we could split it three ways, maybe."

Lina:

"Uh. Maybe two hundred years, or a little less. Just, like, double humans. But yeah, no shit I'm gonna be dying before then. Fuckin' miracle I've made it this long."

Izzy:

"Huh." That wasn't gonna fucking work, then. They'd just have to do it three ways, if Mishka was still up for it when he was sober. All depended on the magic being real, still, and them being able to find and use it, and the world not just fuckin' ending one way or another before even his normal forty years was up. Seemed fucking unlikely, sometimes, honestly.

"Anyway, uh." He remembered the way Goro had kind of tried to fucking flee, last night, and held onto him a little more securely, kissing the top of his head. "I love you." Great segue, commander.

Lina:

"Mm." Goro smiled and closed his eyes. "I love you too. I earn that coffee yet?"

Izzy:

"Uh. In a bit. You remember the other thing we talked about?"

Lina:

"Hm, nah. Had a weird dream, but that was about it."

Izzy:

"Hmm. Mmhm." He was gonna be fucking difficult about this. All right, well, then, fine. Hansel'd just fucking say it. "Well, you were real goddamn drunk, and you made a joke about me marrying you, and I was real goddamn drunk and took it serious, and I said yeah, and then we both fuckin' lost our idiot minds for a bit, and we gotta talk about that." He kissed Goro's hair again, like maybe that'd make it seem less serious.

Lina:

"Hmm." Instead, Goro bit Hansel's shoulder. Not as hard as he had that one time, but not soft, either. Just kinda latching himself on.

Izzy:

Hansel accepted this fate.

"Okay." He rubbed Goro's back. "Guess I'll fuckin' ... do the talking, then. Fucksake. You really want that to be how this works? You've fuckin' heard me try to talk, right? Goddamn."

Lina:

Goro sank his teeth in a little deeper, then let up and kissed the bite mark. "No, jeez, I just, what even is there to say? I already said it all. I don't know if you think I was full of shit 'cause I was drunk or whatever, but I wasn't. I meant what I said. And it wasn't fucking easy, either, it was embarrassing as fuck. But somehow you're not satisfied."

Izzy:

"I'm not satisfied 'cause that conversation had a lot more freaking out and sobbing than I usually like'em to have," Hansel said patiently. "Listen, I uh. I mean, I believe you. I know you meant what you said. I meant what I said too, all right? I ..."

That thing Goro had said about Hansel letting him down easy broke his fucking heart. "I wanna marry you, I just wanna fucking be sure, first, y'know? For both of us. I don't want you to think I'm fuckin' hesitant because I don't love you enough to want to, or something, 'cause I fuckin' do, but y'know, last time I got married the guy ended up having this dragon that made him murder his loved ones, and he broke up with me to keep from killing me. It was this whole goddamn thing." He kissed Goro's head again. "Probably oughta fucking think ahead, this time. That's all. Give it a little time."

Lina:

Goro was quiet for a moment. He had a lump growing in his throat that he really didn't like the feel of.

He shifted in Hansel's arms. "Um, let me up? I need a minute."

Izzy:

Hansel hesitated. "Are you gonna fucking run off, or are you coming back?"

Lina:

"I'm not going anywhere. I just need a minute."

Izzy:

"Okay." Reluctantly, Hansel let go of him.

Lina:

Goro crawled to the end of the bed and sat with his legs dangling off. He folded over and covered his face, breathing shallow and fast. Too fast to be any use, really. He tried to follow his own damn advice--breathe out, exhale all the way. It got things under control a little, but then he was just shaking, and about to start crying, too.

He didn't even know what his problem was. He wasn't upset. Just... overwhelmed, or something.

Hansel wanted to marry him.

Ah, yeah, yep, there came the crying.

Izzy:

Ah. Shit. Fuck. Hansel sat up slowly, and edged over to Goro. He said he needed a minute, but Hansel couldn't just fucking sit there and let him cry by himself. He couldn't just not fucking do anything. What if Goro was crying because of something he'd fucking said, though, and touching him -- reminding him Hansel was there -- would just make it worse? He'd wanted up. He'd wanted Hansel to ... not be touching him, for this.

So he sat on the edge of the bed next to Goro, hands knotted together in his lap, and gently bumped Goro's knee with his, so Goro'd know he was there if he changed his mind.

March 10, 2019

Lina:

Took Goro a long fucking time to get a hold of himself. Every time he'd start to calm down, breathe a few breaths without a sob, he'd think it again: Hansel wants to marry me.

It was... too good. Too good to be true, too good for him to deserve, too good to know what to do with.

Too much.

He'd never expected this sort of thing. Never daydreamed it, his whole life. It was one of those things other people had that weren't for him. Like a home, a family, people to celebrate Candlenight with, friends who always had his back, a warm bed to sleep in every night. Gradually, they'd all trickled in. Some of them had been true a hell of a long time; he hadn't slept on the street in years. He took it for granted sometimes, but he never fucking forgot all the way.

Never stopped worrying it was all a fantasy he'd made up to soothe himself as he died in an alleyway in the rain.

He pinched the skin on his wrist until he winced, then stopped, because he knew Hansel wouldn't let him keep doing it. He blinked up at Hansel through wet eyelashes, then dropped his head again and tilted to the side, leaning against Hansel.

Izzy:

Hansel kept fucking fidgeting, rolling his knuckles and watching Goro carefully. He just didn't want to do anything -- wrong -- so he didn't fucking do anything. Didn't grab Goro and hug him, didn't kiss his head, didn't say hey, hey, it's okay, I'm here.

Didn't lose his fucking mind worrying about it, either, because if he did that -- much as it kept wanting to creep up on him, thinking I did this, I fucked up, he doesn't want me, he shouldn't, I hurt him, I did this wrong -- if he got caught up in that, then he wouldn't be any use. They'd both lost their shit last night. Someone had to keep it together, and it should be him, anyway. Just ... should be.

He swallowed that bullshit back. Not useful. All he had to do was be here for whatever came next, for whatever Goro needed. But dear fucking god, the waiting and the not knowing what was going on -- he'd said he just needed a minute, but the hell did that mean --

The moment Goro looked up and leaned against him, Hansel put an arm around him to pull him close against his side, kissing the top of his head, fucking relieved for that much. His other hand went automatically to Goro's wrist to cover the spot he'd pinched, rubbing it with a thumb gently. "Hey. I love you," he murmured. "It's okay."

Lina:

"I love you so much." Goro sniffed and wiped his face with the back of his hand. He laughed weakly. "I... should explain myself, huh. Just, god, this is... a lot for me, and..." He pressed his face against Hansel and clutched at him hard. "Ah, jeez. Some tough guy I am, huh? I swear, I was fine for like... twenty, twenty-five years, never fucking cried or nothing, but it's like you turn on one emotion and you gotta turn on the rest of 'em, too."

He took a few breaths before he tried again. "I'm... so fucking happy, Hansel. So fucking happy. Happier than I thought I'd ever be, happier than I have any right to be, and I'm scared it's not real, and I'm scared I'm gonna lose it, but I think the weirdest fucking thing is... I might actually just believe it. Maybe this is just my fucking life now. Maybe Hansel fucking Granger just said he wants to marry me. Fuck, why not, huh? There's a talking fox who lives under my library table. I made friends with some lady who clones herself whenever she dies. My best friend is Renar Basha's niece. Who says I can't fall in love and get married? Stranger things, you know?"

Izzy:

Hansel rubbed his shoulder and kept kissing his hair idly as he talked. Kind of fucking broke his heart again, that Goro thought it was that goddamn unreasonable that Hansel'd want to marry him, but -- he figured that was probably those twenty, twenty-five years of not having anyone. He got it. He'd been pretty fucking disbelieving of people giving a shit about him, too, there for a while. Wasn't like he was special.

"Okay," he said quietly. He wasn't sure what else to say. "Well, fuckin' ... look, you don't have to believe me, but I'm still gonna say it ain't that goddamn strange. You're fucking amazing, all right?" He kissed him again. "You're fucking loyal, and smart, and brave, and you have so much fucking love in you. If it wasn't me it'd be someone else. You deserve to be happy." Then he gave Goro a little squeeze, and knowing how fucking hard it was to respond when people said shit like that, he add, "Jackass," to give him something to deflect to.

Lina:

You have so much fucking love in you.

Weird. Really?

Well, yeah. He himself had thought that the amount of love he had for Hansel was like a whole sun's worth. Just felt strange, anyway. He wasn't sure if the love had grown from nothing or if it had been in there all along, just waiting for someone amazing like Hansel to earn it.

Goro tilted his head up to Hansel, and put a hand on his face, and just fucking looked at him for a while.

He sighed and closed his eyes. "Yeah, I mean, at the very least, we should wait until the very idea of it doesn't make me lightheaded. Yeesh." He smiled. "And sometimes it's great when you make me wait for stuff."

Izzy:

Hansel thought about challenging that, saying he wasn't making Goro wait for shit, he wasn't fuckin' withholding marriage to taunt him, or something like that -- but he didn't figure that was really what Goro meant. Hansel just had a hard fucking time telling when he was being serious, sometimes. He got this feeling that Goro himself didn't always know when he was being goddamn serious.

He wasn't fucked up about the idea of waiting, though. That was fine. That seemed okay. That was a fucking relief, too. Hansel had gotten himself fucking terrified of the idea that Goro would just feel -- fucking unwanted, or not good enough, or something, and Hansel wouldn't be able to really explain to him why he thought they needed time, and Goro wouldn't understand.

But it was okay. This was their fucking life now. Stranger things, and all that.

"Hmm. Y'know." Hansel rested his lips against Goro's hair. "Back home, there's this ..." How was he supposed to explain this shit. "I mean, I always thought it was kinda fucking stupid, but -- people'll do this thing that's not quite bein' engaged, really, but it's like ... a promise to get engaged, y'know?" He circled both arms around Goro to pluck at his own wrist, pulling loose a length of twine wrapped there. "I always kind of figured, you know, if you're gonna fucking get married, just do it, but -- ehn. I dunno." He took Goro's hand and wrapped the twine around his ring finger, tying a careful knot, then lifting Goro's hand up to to lips to bite off the excess and kiss his knuckles. "Changed my mind, I guess."

Lina:

"Oh. Yeah. I've heard of kids in Skyport doing that kinda thing, too. Before they can afford a ring, or whatever." Goro turned the twine around on his finger. Then the bullshit started rearing up again: He's just trying to shut me up. Hold me off for a while. But that didn't make any fucking sense, did it? Hansel was the one who'd pushed this topic, insisted they talk about it.

Goro closed his eyes again and settled against him. He felt too fucking queasy to get himself worked up with that shit this morning.

"Anyway, uh, I don't know how long you want to wait, but fair warning, there's a good chance I'm gonna die in a few weeks. Gotta fight a hydra. See, this is why I normally don't think in terms of promises for the future and marriage and shit. I love you enough to give it a try, though."

Izzy:

"Mm, yeah, well, I got bears to fight and shit," Hansel agreed. "And if you're fighting a fucking hydra, I'm fighting a fucking hydra. How 'bout that, jackass?" He kissed Goro's head, still holding his hand.

Lina:

Goro snorted. "Yeah. Good. I'll send you a message the day before we head out, and you can meet us there." He kept playing with the twine. He tugged at one of the strings wrapped around Hansel's wrist. "What's this about, anyway? I noticed it a while back, but I thought maybe it was just to remind you to do something. That's a lot of reminders, though."

Izzy:

"Nah. Just something I used to do." He turned his wrist to show the red bead looped onto the green ribbon. "S'the Sending Bead Roddy gave me. The others're just for, y'know, whatever. I used to keep'em for Mishka, Elitash, Serena, Jonn -- fuckin' people with long hair never have shit to tie it back when they need to, so."

Lina:

"Hah. So you're keeper of the hair ties?" Goro fiddled with them. Seemed like a good way to keep your hands busy, too. "I notice you didn't say Luci's name. I bet she's always fucking prepared."

Izzy:

Hansel snorted, amused and proud. "Sure fucking is." Like Luci had ever needed anyone for anything, soon as she was old enough to walk.

Lina:

Goro shifted himself around to get closer, legs wrapped around Hansel's waist and arms around Hansel's shoulders. Reminding himself of the first time they'd kissed. "Hey. Have I earned my coffee yet? I don't know how you're gonna make it now, though, since I'm stuck on here like this. It'll be tricky."

Izzy:

"Psshh." Hansel wrapped his arms around Goro, too, and pushed up from the bed to carry him towards the door. "Let me fucking worry about that."

Lina:

"Wait. You're not going to carry me down to the kitchen when I'm not wearing a fucking shirt, are you? Hansel, I fucking forbid it. Put me down, now."

Izzy:

"You don't fuckin' tell me what to do."

Lina:

Goro hissed and dug his nails into Hansel's back. He considered safewording his way down, but... eh, there was a weird sort of appeal in letting Hansel carry him around the castle half-naked, nothing but Hansel's arms shielding him from every other asshole's prying eyes. Hm. Yeah, definitely weird, but whatever.

"I hope you're prepared to, I don't know, fucking defend my honor or some shit if anyone sees me. That, or I'm gonna have to cast Blindness on people."

Izzy:

"Can't you turn invisible or some shit?" Hansel paused, though, considering grabbing a sheet to wrap around Goro. Might just embarrass him more.

Lina:

"Oh. Hey. You're right. I never think about that shit until my life is in danger. I mean, that's a good fucking time to think of it, don't get me wrong. Hm." Goro kissed Hansel's shoulder while he thought. "Now I gotta decide which sounds better, you carrying around an invisible guy, or you shielding my naked torso with your own body. They both seem pretty great. Thoughts?"

Izzy:

"Who said anything about shielding?"

Lina:

"Me. I said it." Goro switched from kissing his shoulder to biting, repeatedly.

Izzy:

"Uh-huh." Hansel shrugged the shoulder he was chomping on. "And you thought you got a vote, huh?"

Lina:

"Well, what the hell were you planning to do instead? Just parade me around in front of everyone, exposed?"

Izzy:

"Yup."

Lina:

Goro growled and went back to biting Hansel's shoulder, along with thrashing his legs and clawing at Hansel's back.

Izzy:

"You're the one who fuckin' clamped on, krishi." Hansel kept hold of him anyway, though. "Dunno what you thought was gonna happen."

Lina:

"Fuckin' fine." Goro jammed a hand into his pants pocket, going for his amulet. It wasn't there. "Wait. Fuck." He tried the other pocket. Nothing. "Shit. I don't have my amulet. Can't do the invisibility thing without it. Hansel."

Izzy:

"Too bad, huh."

Lina:

Goro whined wordlessly and hid his face in the crook of Hansel's neck. He could feel himself turning red already. He thought, again, about crying mercy, but it really wasn't that big a deal, and he fucking knew it. Just one of those weird fucking things about him.

Izzy:

Hansel thought for a second and patted Goro's back. Embarrassing him was pretty fucking fun, but Hansel didn't actually want to fuck with him too badly. They'd just had a nice fucking talk, and everything. "Hey, dumbass. What's your safeword?"

Lina:

"It's not that bad," he said, muffled. "I don't need to use it."

Izzy:

"Yeah? Tell me anyway."

Lina:

"Mercy. But don't put me down. Just carry me, and it'll be fine."

Izzy:

"I will. Hold on, a sec, though." He turned back toward the bed and glanced around the room, spotting his coat dropped on the floor. He grabbed it up and shifted his grip on Goro so that he could settle it around Goro's shoulder, then repositioned to hold onto him over it. He kissed Goro's head. "Don't want you gettin' cold."

Lina:

"Pfff. God." He couldn't deny it made him feel better, though. It was real fucking nice, actually, Hansel on one side of him, and Hansel's coat on the other. It was stupid that clothes made him feel safe, of all things, but he didn't think there was much to be done for it at this point. "Hey, uh... there's something I think I should tell you about. But I don't want to right now. Just, remind me, after the coffee. Remind me I had a thing."

Izzy:

"Hm." Hansel started for the door again. "Not a fuckin' fan. Why don't you wanna tell me now?"

Lina:

"'Cause we're having a nice fucking time, and I don't want to ruin the mood. Don't worry. It's nothing... I mean, it's not a problem, or anything. Just something you should know about me. Listen, it's fine. I want some damn coffee."

March 11, 2019

Izzy:

"Hmm." That didn't particularly put his mind at ease, but he dropped it for now. He'd have to tell Goro, later -- don't fuckin' do that to me, I'm just gonna get stuck imagining the worst possible shit 'til you tell me whatever it fuckin' it. Later, though. It was fine for now.

He made a detour across the castle to check on Mishka, and found him passed out in bed with Joan. He'd been thinking about dragging Mishka along and making him get coffee for them, since that fucker never got hangovers, but it was too goddamn adorable to interrupt. Just stood there for a moment, enjoying his husband's face drooling onto the pillow, then shook his head and backed off, closing the door quietly.

Down in the kitchen, he started to sit Goro up on the counter, then remembered he'd intended to just work around him, and started doing that -- getting mugs out and finding the bag of coffee beans in the cabinet one handed. Hm. Grinding them might be a problem. He'd figure it out, though.

Lina:

"You can put me down, you know," Goro said. "I was just kidding before, when I said you'd have to do it with me stuck on you."

Izzy:

"Nah." Hansel kept muddling through, as was his general strategy for life.

Lina:

"Here. I bet I can hang on if you're not holding me." Goro tightened his legs around Hansel's waist, hoisting himself up a little higher, and getting a better grip with his arms. "This'll work. Try it."

Izzy:

That kind of worked, actually. Goro might not be the strongest fucking person, but he was a goddamn remora when it came to hanging onto Hansel. God, that was fucking great. Hansel made a pleased hm.

He ground the coffee and let it start steeping -- making a pot in case anyone else showed up thirsty and hungover, but only getting mugs ready for the two of them. Other fuckers could fend for themselves. Nah, that wasn't true. Just anybody who walked through the door, he'd pour them a mug, too. He loved these bastards. Missed'em.

While he waited, he wrapped his arms around Goro again, to let him give his arms a rest, and also just to hug him. Still thinking about whatever that fucking thing was, though.

When he figured the coffee was ready, he poured their mugs and held them in one hand and a bowl of sugar cubes in the other, carrying Goro over to the kitchen table to sit down with Goro in his lap. Hansel kissed his forehead and offered him a mug.

Lina:

Goro accepted the mug and took a sip. His eyes rolled back in his head and his whole body shuddered. "Oh, god, of course you make it this strong." He plucked a few sugar cubes out of the bowl and dropped them in. He took another drink, then kissed Hansel's forehead a few times. "You're so fucking great."

Izzy:

"Mmhm." Hansel gave him an amused look. Couldn't hold his booze, couldn't drink coffee. Ran off with murderous pirates sometimes. So goddamn cute.

Lina:

The sugar made the coffee only marginally more palatable. Goro gulped it quickly to get it over with. It did actually make him feel better, though. He could feel the headache diminishing already.

Three quarters of the way through the cup, he took a break. He shook his head like a wet dog. "Mm. Bracing." He caught sight of the piece of twine tied around his finger, and his heart skipped a beat. Well, that could also have been the coffee making that happen. Either way. He fiddled with the twine. "I gotta give you something back, don't I?"

Izzy:

"Eh?" Hansel glanced at Goro's hand. "Oh. Dunno." He held up the Ring of Mind Shielding. "Kind of already did. I mean, I'm gonna give this back, though, so maybe something else. Or not." He shrugged. "S'fine."(edited)

Lina:

"Psh." Goro poked at the ring. "This doesn't fucking count. This is to save you from Gruumsh, not to promise you that I'm--" He faltered, and his face got warm. "Yeah, I'll give you something else. Hey, I think I know exactly what. Um." He got even warmer. "Maybe you'll think it's stupid, I don't know."

Izzy:

"Un-fucking-likely," Hansel said patiently.

Lina:

"Mmm." Goro ducked over to briefly put his face against Hansel's chest. Hiding from Hansel against Hansel. Then he sat up and downed the rest of his coffee. "Well, fine, let me show you." He set his mug on the table and started to climb off Hansel's lap.

Izzy:

"Hey." Hansel pulled him back. "Nah. Tell me instead."

Lina:

"No, I can't. It's too hard to explain."

Izzy:

"Psshh." Hansel rolled his eyes and let go. "Fine. Fine. Goro fuckin' Flatflower unable to use his fuckin' words. Never thought I'd see the day."

Lina:

"Shaddup." Goro grabbed Hansel's head and gave him a kiss before climbing off. "C'mon. Bring your coffee. Or I could go get it and bring it back."

Izzy:

"Hmm." This was all deeply suspicious. "I'll come with." He stood up to follow, catching Goro's hand.

Lina:

Goro held onto Hansel, leading him back upstairs, using his free hand to hold Hansel's coat closed over his chest. As it happened, they didn't run into anyone. All that fuss for nothing. Still.

When they reached Goro's room, he paused outside the door, giving Hansel a look. "This is dumb. But let me guess, you're not gonna let me drop it, now."

Izzy:

"Nope."

Lina:

"Ffff. Fine." Goro led the way inside, dropping Hansel's hand to go to his desk. He opened one of the drawers and reached in, groping around the back until he felt what he was looking for. "So, listen. You might think this is kinda stupid. 'Fuck all the gods' and all that. But, well, lucky you, Mask loves your boyfriend so he's gonna look out for you, too."

Goro held up a small silver charm between his index finger and thumb. It was shaped like a mask, with a hole at the edge for stringing it onto things. "Thieves like to carry these around. It's a charm of protection. They're blessed by clerics--or at least some of 'em are, obviously you get a lot of fakes floating around out there. But this one's the real deal, I knew the cleric who consecrated it. I used to wear it around my neck, when I was younger. Don't need it anymore, since now I'm a damn cleric, I carry an amulet and all that. But I hang onto it because, just, y'know, sentimental shit. Anyway, I thought..." He looked down at it self-consciously, fiddling with it. "You could string it on one of your ribbons, or something, just, if you wanted to. Or keep it in your pocket, or, hell, if you think it's dumb, I'll find something else."

Izzy:

"Huh. Hey, c'mere." Hansel pulled him in and kissed his forehead, setting his coffee on the desk. "I don't think it's dumb, chatichi. I just think Mask doesn't fuckin' deserve you, and I don't care if he hears me say it." Then he held his wrist out, displaying the assortment of colored strings and ribbons alongside the regular twine. "Which one?"

Lina:

Goro sputtered. "Hang on. What do you mean, he doesn't deserve me? Hah, god, you're funny."

Izzy:

"What?" He laughed. "I think you're fuckin' better than Mask, that's what I mean. Mask never did shit for me, and you did plenty." He ruffled Goro's hair. "I mean, I know you're a cleric and all. Not trying to fuckin' diss your god. I just like you better than I like him."

Lina:

"Pfff. You're fucking adorable. I mean, I guess you did say I looked like a god, that one time. Man, that was something. You gonna start the fuckin' Church of Goro, next? Don't answer that." God, Hansel would probably say yes. Goro distracted himself by looking over the ribbons. "Uh, I guess this black one here. The charm's silver, obviously, but the proper symbol is a black mask." He offered Hansel the charm.

Izzy:

Hansel gave him amused look. "Fuckin' string it on yourself, dumbass. You're supposed to put it on me."

Lina:

"Oh... right. Gah." Goro rubbed the back of his head. "Are you fuckin' sure you want it?" Fuckin' sure you want me, more like.

Izzy:

"Goro, I swear to god, if you don't put that thing on me right now."

Lina:

"Alright, alright, keep your pants on." He snorted at his own choice of words, there. Or don't. He tucked the charm against his palm as he untied the black ribbon, fingers fumbling a little. He was nervous. God, this was ridiculous. Imagine doing an actual engagement ring; he'd be losing his shit. It was smart of Hansel, actually, to do this in-between step, let Goro get comfortable with the idea.

He loved Hansel so fucking much. God.

He slipped the charm onto the ribbon and tied it off again. "There you go. There's my, my uh--ah. Promise." He put a hand over his face. Fucking embarrassing. Then he pushed in and grabbed onto Hansel, hugging him so tight he worried it was painful.

Izzy:

"Pfff." Hansel squeezed him back, looking at the charm over his shoulder, for a moment. He'd take whatever help he could get, he guessed. Had that handkerchief from Larkin, too, and that was some Mask shit. He wasn't sure he really fucking wanted another god's attention, but it was Goro's deity, so he figured it might be fine, anyway. Some pirates followed Mask, and all, so he wasn't oblivious, he'd just been more partial to Valkur, and Selune, himself.

Wasn't about the gods, though. It was about Goro.

Hansel kissed the top of his head. "Hey, you know you're real fuckin' cute when you get embarrassed?"

Lina:

"Shut up," Goro mumbled.

Izzy:

"Nah." Hansel ruffled his hair. "Real fuckin' cute. Chatich krishi."

He thought about picking Goro up again, because he just really goddamn liked picking up the people he loved, but he really goddamn liked the way Goro would hide his face against his chest, too. Liked it when he covered his face with a hand when he got flustered. Liked it when he latched onto Hansel and grinned up at him like, Just fucking try to get rid of me, motherfucker.

And he had the little silver charm, now, to remind him. All the time. Whenever he needed to remember it.

He kissed the top of Goro's head again -- just really fucking liked doing that to the people he loved, too -- and asked, "Hey. What was the thing you wanted to tell me, after the coffee?"

Lina:

Ah, jeez. What had he been thinking, bringing that up? Too late to weasel out of it now, though. Hansel wasn't going to drop it.

"Yeah, uh." Fuck. "It's--" If he said it wasn't a big deal, Hansel would just get more concerned. Goro knew how this guy operated by now. Maybe he could try the opposite approach. "It's bad. It's terrible." No, now Hansel was going to think he was joking, about to say he loved him too much or some shit. Damn, he just couldn't get a handle on this. "Uh, I'm just fucking around. Listen, it's about me, and shit that happened to me a long time ago. It doesn't really matter, I just felt like telling you all of a sudden. Thought it'd help you understand me better. Now I don't know."

Izzy:

"Hm." Hansel kissed him and tried to believe that, to quiet down his nerves. "All right," he said slowly, "well. I trust you. And if you really don't wanna tell me, I'm not gonna fuckin' bully you into it. But I love you, and I love knowing shit about you, so if you change your mind, I wanna hear it."

March 12, 2019

Lina:

You're not gonna love knowing this. Somehow it helped, though, Hansel not being pushy about it. Goro could say... he could say something. Maybe not everything.

"Y'know, I got fucked around with a lot, when I was a kid," he started. That much was simple. "People stealing from me and trying to hurt me and shit. It made me real... defensive, I guess. Didn't like people touching me. And then, uh... well, someone tried, anyway. This guy. I'd go to him sometimes, because he had food. I didn't... you know, there were some people who'd fuck somebody for a meal, and I never did. I didn't want to.

"That guy, though. He went for it anyway. Tried to make me. Eh, don't freak out. He didn't get... that far. I stabbed him. I killed him. Fuckin' bastard."

Thinking about it didn't frighten him anymore. It didn't make his heart race, or anything. It just felt bad. Made him feel sick.

"So anyway, that made it... worse, as far as people touching me went. I thought, I never want anybody to touch me again, ever. But, well, I got better, obviously.  Listen, I don't want you to feel bad, I don't want you to change the way you treat me, or anything. That'd be the fucking worst, if you thought you had to take it easy on me, or something. You don't. I love what you do to me. I just... want you to know... why I'm like this. Why I don't like people seeing me, and shit. Except you and Mishka. I don't like being this way, though. I don't... wanna be stuck like this."

Izzy:

Hansel was quiet. He could feel himself locking up, a bit, but that wasn't fucking ... comforting, or helpful, and he tried to ease the tension out of himself. Kissed the top of Goro's head again. This wasn't a problem he could solve by sticking his trident in it.

He thought of the way he'd grabbed Goro's wrist and dragged him underwater, the way he'd kept grabbing him in headlocks and shit, not letting him move, not letting him leave, screwing with him. All the times he'd seen Goro move away from people, and he'd respected it, and then he'd fucking stopped and not even questioned himself on why -- figured out later it was because he'd started to fucking like Goro and was too dense to notice it himself and deal with it like a fuckin' adult. That made it worse. He fucking felt ill.

That wasn't fucking helpful either. He wanted to let go of Goro and go somewhere quiet and deal with this -- deal with himself -- by himself, and talk himself back into touching Goro at all, because he knew Goro fucking wanted him to, but he felt like a fucking monster for it.

He kept kissing Goro's hair, hesitantly saying, "Okay. I, uh." Fuck. "Don't really know what to fuckin' say. Thanks for trusting me. It's okay, though. You can, y'know, be whatever way you are. I don't think there's anything wrong with you." He shifted to lay his head on Goro's, holding him tight, because he knew that'd make Goro feel better. "I'll help, though, if you want. Whatever you need."

He tried to tell himself this was good. It was better he knew. He'd know to be more careful now, know what to watch out for in the future. And he should focus on that.

The past just felt fucking bad.

Lina:

"I know what you're thinking right now," Goro said. "And you're fucking wrong."

Izzy:

"No, you fuckin' don't." Jackass. "Unless you think I'm thinking about how much I fucking love you and wanna stab people who fuck with you."

Lina:

"No. No. You're thinking you shouldn't have been so rough with me all those times, right? Shouldn't've been grabbing me, pinning me down, that kind of thing. Aren't you?"

Izzy:

"No," Hansel lied.

Lina:

"Ah, good show, love. That'd probably work on anyone who wasn't me."

Izzy:

"Hey. Fuck off. Look." He hesitated. "I'm not gonna fucking treat you any different, I fuckin' get that you're into it, now." And hesitated again. "I just should've fucking ... look, don't fucking worry about it." Don't make this about yourself, commander.

Lina:

"Hey, you listen to me. Listen. And look." Goro leaned back so he could take Hansel by the chin and steer him to look at Goro. "Look at me."

Izzy:

Hansel looked, scowling.

Lina:

Goro took a couple steps backward, shrugging Hansel's coat off his shoulders and letting it drop to the floor. "Look at me," he said again. He glanced down at himself, then back up at Hansel. "That day, back at the cove. I took all my clothes off for a reason. Well... okay, the reason is they were disgusting and had drider webbing shit on them, but... there's a reason I was willing. In front of you. I trusted you. My gut feelings about people are never fucking wrong. I know how to swim, jackass. I would've just left if I didn't want you there, in the water, grabbing me. And am I fucking wrong to think that if I'd been yelling at you to stop, and trying to get away, you would have stopped? Am I wrong?"

Izzy:

"Of course I would've fucking stopped." Hansel crossed his arms. Wasn't the point. He wasn't fucking stupid; he'd seen and heard all the signals Goro had given him to back off. He'd just fucking decided to ignore them and keep pushing. Maybe he would've fucking ignored yelling, too. Who fucking knew.

Tell me to stop, he'd said.

Or else?

It hadn't been stop, and it hadn't been don't stop, either, and he hadn't fucking cared. Whole fucking point of the thing was to see if Goro would tell him to fuck off, and Goro had pulled his wrist back. That was what he'd done.

Lina:

"Yeah. So that's the thing. You're not gonna fucking feel bad for something I actually wanted, are you? Listen, when you grabbed me and pulled me under the water, when you... touched me, here--" He looked down at himself, spread his hands and touched them to his chest and abdomen. Fuck, how did he even explain it. "You lit me up. You changed me. It was like I'd been deaf for years and years and finally, you made a sound I could hear. Alright... alright, I know I sound fucking nuts. But I'm fucking telling you, you did a good thing."

He slouched, closing his eyes and letting his hands drop to his sides. "I've never, ever felt trapped under you. When I... that guy. That bastard. When I killed him, he was this dead weight on top of me, and I couldn't fucking breathe, and I thought... I don't fucking know what I thought, but I remember the first time you were on top of me, my god, I could breathe, and I felt safe, and I could move, and--" His voice broke. Maybe he hadn't fully pulled himself together from before. He pressed a hand to his face. "I was... so fucking glad it wasn't me, it was him. I was alright. I was alright."

He sighed, opened his eyes, and pointed at Hansel, glaring. "So don't you dare fucking feel bad for anything you did to me. Not a single fucking thing."

Izzy:

"Fine," Hansel said flatly, abruptly. "Fine." He wasn't going to make Goro deal with this. He wasn't making it about him. He wasn't going to fucking let Goro make it about him. He pried his arms apart and closed the distance between them to pull Goro into another hug, because -- that usually helped, and -- he'd just fucking manage himself later.

More softly, he said, "Look, I said don't fucking worry about it."

Lina:

"I'm fucking gonna." Goro sniffed. "I know how you are. Sending me that fucking note where you said I'm better off without you. I swear to fucking god, Hansel, if you leave me, or just fucking back off because you think it's what's best for me..."

The knot on the twine tied around his finger had slid to the inside. He worried it with his thumb, trying to make himself feel better. God, that fucking note.

Izzy:

"Goro, I fucking --." Hansel held him tighter. "I'm not gonna fucking leave you. You showed me, on that one, all right? You'll fuckin' track me down. I get it, ahuv. I get it."

March 13, 2019

Lina:

"That goddamn note, though! Jeez. What am I supposed to think, when you say shit like that? I hope you're not thinking about me. God."

Izzy:

"I'm not --." That fucking note. He'd crumpled up so many fucking letters apologizing for the way he'd treated Goro, telling him he deserved better, apologizing for not being better, trying to tell him everything he did deserve and everything Hansel couldn't give him, and that he shouldn't settle for the first person to treat him anything close to right. He was just trying to tell Goro how fucking good he was, because he didn't know it, some-fucking-how, and god, this was the same shit Mishka always said to Hansel and he knew it.

"I'm not gonna fucking leave you," he repeated. "I don't want to." Thought about how much it'd upset him, when Mishka had said that he thought Hansel should or just would leave him. They were both fucking idiots, thinking shit like that. "I'm here as long as you fucking want me, okay?" He kissed the top of Goro's head. He'd tried to tell Goro last night that he could do better than Hansel, but that'd upset him, so he didn't say it again. "If it's forever or two fucking days. All right? Long as you want."

Lina:

"Always. Always." Goro pressed his face to Hansel's chest and shook his head a little. "Always." And then, because that little ugly voice in his head would never quite shut up, he added, "As long as you... want me, too."

Izzy:

"Well, I fucking do." He found Goro's hand to squeeze it, and spun the twine around his finger.

Lina:

Goro mumbled something incoherent into Hansel's chest. He turned his face to the side. "I believe you. But... I mean, I know I can be... clingy." He was doing it right now. Digging his fingers in. "Don't want you to get sick of me."

Izzy:

Hansel rubbed his arms for a moment, trying to decide what to say. It could just be, Well, I won't. Or, You're not clingy. Or, Have you fucking noticed that every time you hold onto me, I hold onto you right back, huh, dumbass.

Goro liked real answers, though, and explanations. Slowly, he said, "Listen. You've met my mom. And she's, y'know, great. But when I was a kid I broke shit a lot, because I was stronger than I realized, so she told me to just ... stop touching things I might break. Like, y'know. People. And it took me a long fucking time to, uh. I mean, I didn't want anyone fucking near me 'cause I thought I'd hurt them, so I made them stay away if I gave a shit about them."

He paused. "And it was fuckin' awful, all right? I mean, I fucking hated it. I was fucking lonely. And it took me fuckin' years to get over it, and I'm still, y'know, not. All the way. So don't fucking worry about being clingy. I fucking like it." He kissed Goro's head. "I'm fuckin' clinging to you, right?"

Lina:

"Oh, boy. Now you've done it, Granger." Goro looped his arms around Hansel's shoulders and hopped so he could put his legs around Hansel's waist again. "Now you've fucking done it. You tell me shit like that, and I'm just never going to let go of you. You brought this on yourself." He kissed Hansel's cheek. "Oh well. Hope you're happy. I live here, now."

Izzy:

Hansel snorted, shifting in place a little to support Goro's weigh, hooking his arms around Goro's legs. "Fucking exuberant."

Lina:

Goro kissed him a few more times, then settled against him, resting his head on Hansel's shoulder.

"Hey, so." He frowned and ran his tongue along his lower lip, thinking. "It seems like... I guess you want me to use the safeword any time I don't like something?"

Izzy:

"You can also just ... fucking tell me you don't like it." Troubling, but all right. "I mean, I like fucking with you, but you can just tell me when you're being serious. I'm not gonna fucking ignore you." Maybe he should just flat-out say -- "I mean, shit, Goro, yeah, fucking tell me if I'm doing something you don't like." Yeah, really fucking troubling. "Doesn't have to be the safeword, just let me know you're not fucking around."

Lina:

"Ah. Alright. Well. I mean, I figured mercy was for like, fuckin' emergency, stop right now kinda shit. I don't know. Sometimes I don't know if I'm fucking around or not. Sometimes I just kinda wait and see. It makes me feel better, though, knowing you'll definitely stop if I say it. But it seems like you just... want me to be enjoying myself all the time. Alright, it sounds stupid when I put it like that, yeah. But I'm not a guy who's used to enjoying myself."

Izzy:

"Goro," Hansel said patiently. "I swear to god." All right. Sure. Yeah, he understand that, fucking unfortunately. "Of course I want you to be fucking enjoying yourself. Listen."

He pulled back just enough to look at Goro and thought about the expression on Taavit's face. I didn't know you didn't like it.

"You gotta fucking ... let me know, all right? Doesn't have to be an emergency, you can just tell me you're uncomfortable with something. It's never gonna be a big deal, okay? We could -- come up with another word for when you just need a minute to decide, or something, if you want."

Lina:

"Yeah. That's--that's a good idea, yeah. Hey, I'm sorry. I... I feel bad, like I wasn't being honest with you, or something. But I didn't know. It took me a while to figure out. It's not, uh, normal for me to have someone who cares about me as much as you do. I just was noticing the way you're always checking in on me, like you don't quite believe me when I don't say mercy, and it seems like you might've had a better read on me than I had on myself. With the coat just now, and everything."

Goro hunched up so he could put his face in the crook of Hansel's neck, and kept clinging to him tight. He was getting shaky. This was fine. Hansel loved him. He was fucking safe.

"But, I think, you know, it'd probably be more fun for you if you could relax some, right? Not be so worried about what's going on with me, 'cause you know I'll speak up if something's not right. So, I'm gonna try doing that. Try to be better about it. That way you don't have to be all... fuckin' hypervigilant, the way you are."

God. A weird thing he realized--he wasn't getting nervous because he felt unsafe. He was just overwhelmed by the feeling of being safe, for once. Trusting somebody all the way. It was relief, making him want to cry again. Apparently that was a thing that could happen.

Seemed like he was out of tears for now, though. He sniffled, anyway. "Thanks for being so good to me, though, while I figured it out."(edited)

Izzy:

"Yeah," he said quietly. "S'okay." He was going to be fucking worried either way. Probably more, now. He told himself he'd fucking get over it, though, had to, because if he started acting fucking weird Goro would notice, and then he'd feel bad, and think he never should've said anything, and he might not again --

Hansel would just ... deal with this. By himself. Or Mishka would help him. Just wasn't Goro's responsibility. He was trying so fucking hard, and he didn't know what he was doing, and Hansel wished someone had been careful and patient and kind with him, so he was doing his best, too, and his best wasn't going to be fucking crying on Goro about how bad he felt for not being careful enough, when Goro already acted like Hansel was the best thing to've ever happened to him.

God, that was fucking sad.

"Don't worry about it," he said again. "I love you."

March 14, 2019

Lina:

"I love you too." Goro kissed Hansel's neck and frowned to himself. "Hm. I'll stop worrying if you stop worrying. How's that sound?"

Izzy:

Hansel snorted.

Lina:

"Not an answer. Guess I'm gonna keep worrying."

Izzy:

"All right. You do that." He shifted to wrap an arm around Goro's waist and curl the other up to tangle a hand in his hair.

Lina:

"That's not what you're supposed to fucking say. You're supposed to say, 'Yeah, alright, let's both stop worrying.' Jeez."

Izzy:

"What, you want me to lie to you? You know I'm not any fucking good at that," Hansel pointed out, amused.

Lina:

Goro grumbled and kissed Hansel's neck again. "Alright, well. I liked your idea before, anyway. Gimme an in-between word. Something for when I'm not sure if I like something."

Izzy:

"Dunno." He thought for a moment. "Hold?"

Lina:

"Hold. Okay. Yeah, I like it. Alright, let's test it out. Start doing weird shit to me."

Izzy:

He scoffed and dug his fingers into one of Goro's sides, tickling him viciously.(edited)

Lina:

Goro jerked a little in surprise, then yawned. "Try harder."

Izzy:

He gave Goro's hair a sharp tug.

Lina:

"Ah. Oh." Goro grinned. "You're not very good at this."

Izzy:

"Yeah, well." He let go, scowling. "Maybe it's not fucking fun for me to fucking purposefully try to think of shit to do to you that you're not gonna fucking like."

Lina:

The grin vanished. "Alright. Put me down."

Izzy:

Hansel did.

Lina:

Goro took a few steps back and rubbed his arms, looking sullen.

Izzy:

Hansel looked away for a moment, then sighed and stepped forward to grab his coat off the floor, and tugged it back around Goro's shoulders, holding onto the edges and pulling Goro in to kiss his forehead.

Lina:

Goro groaned and shoved the coat off, then slapped his hands at Hansel feebly. "Can't you just fucking be mad at me, or something?"

Izzy:

"No. For what?"

Lina:

"I don't fucking know. I never know what's gonna make you mad. But you were all grouchy a second ago, and then..." Goro just scowled and waved his hand around.

Izzy:

Hansel frowned and took a step back. He crossed one arm over to hold the other, then realized what he was doing and folded them both. "I'm not fucking mad at you," he said lowly. "I was just having a bad fucking time, all right?"

I never know what's gonna make you mad. Right. Because Hansel was a rabid wild fucking animal who could snap at any time. Well, if anyone had the right to think that, it was Goro. Hansel didn't deserve to be fucking hurt about it.

Lina:

Goro raised his arms to hide his face. "Why wouldn't you be mad at me if I'm giving you a bad fuckin' time?"

Izzy:

"You weren't doing anything wrong," Hansel muttered. "You didn't know. So I fucking let you know. Nothing to get mad about."

Lina:

Goro covered his head more thoroughly and let out some kind of pitiful sound. "I keep fucking up, though."

Izzy:

"Goro, stop," Hansel said quietly. He took Goro's arms and dragged him over to the bed, sitting down heavily and pulling Goro into his lap. "Don't do that. Stop." He wrapped Goro up, tucking Goro's head against his chest and curling around him, kissing his shoulder.

He was so fucking hungover, and he needed fresh air and to go wake his husband up for a second by pressing against him, just long enough that Mishka would wrap around him and kiss his head and mumble something incoherent. Take a nap and talk about it later. Figure shit out. He just ... couldn't, right now. Had to ignore the tension in his chest thrumming monster, fucking monster because Goro needed him.

"It's okay," he said again. "I'm not gonna get mad at you. It's okay, ahuv."

Lina:

"Hey, fuckin'..." Goro closed his eyes and wrestled against him, shaking his head. "Stop. Stop saying shit to make me feel better. I'm not a fucking baby, you know. I act like one, but... that's different."

Izzy:

"No." Hansel held onto him tighter. "I'm not gonna fucking stop trying to make you feel better, jackass, 'cause I don't want you to fucking be upset. God."

Lina:

"Why not? Let me be upset. You're upset."

Izzy:

"Well, it's not like I fucking wanna be, is it?" Hansel grit his teeth. They couldn't both be upset at once, was why. Fucking clearly. He let Goro go, if he wanted to.

Lina:

Goro climbed off and backed up until he was standing against the wall. He crossed his arms.

"Go on." He jerked his head toward the door. "I know you want out of here. Go."

Izzy:

Hansel stared at him for a moment. "I --."

He could say, I don't want away from you, I just need some air. I just need a minute. Why can't you give me a minute? Why are you making me fucking leave because I got upset? I don't do that to you. You still don't think I won't hurt you. Rabid fucking animal. You're right.

"Fine," he said instead. "All right." He pushed up from the bed. He didn't bother finding his shirt, or his boots -- maybe he could fucking ... ask Mishka to get them for him, or even Larkin, maybe. Just grabbed his coat because he knew where it was, crumpled on the floor where Goro'd left it, and shrugged it on.

He paused to cup Goro's face with his right hand and kiss his forehead, and mumbled, "We can talk later, if you want," before walking out.

Lina:

"If I want?" Goro said, just before Hansel stepped out of the room.

Izzy:

Hansel paused. "I'm not gonna fucking force my presence on you if you fucking want me to leave."

Lina:

"I want you to leave 'cause you don't wanna fucking be here. Come back when you want to be here."

Izzy:

Hansel took a breath to say something, but everything in his head just sounded fucking accusatory, and that wasn't ... useful. It came back out as a shaky sigh, and he shoved off the door frame to leave. Goddammit. God fucking dammit.

Lina:

Goro thought he had it together, thought he was making the right call. But as soon as Hansel stepped out the door, his heart started hammering and his breath came quick.

Fuck--fuck--he fucking sent him away when he'd had a choice not to, and--

He fiddled with the twine around his finger, letting the knot dig into his thumb. He was getting that urge to gnaw on his fingernails like he sometimes did, and somehow it got channeled into the twine, until next thing he knew he was biting at the knot. That was how Hansel had cut the damn thing, but Goro didn't have the teeth for that shit, so there wasn't any danger of him breaking it. He just bit and bit, like there was something to be gained from it, until he realized what a fucking nutcase he was being and forced himself to stop.

He rushed to the door, slammed it shut, turned all the locks and set all the chains. Then he backed himself into a corner. He shuffled his feet and swung his arms back and forth, then sank to the ground, still feeling like he couldn't breathe. It was alright. It was okay. It was just a fucking argument. People had arguments sometimes. Hansel would come back. He'd--

He'd come back, and--

Goro tugged frantically at the twine. It was still there. It mattered. It meant something. It was... no, it was just a fucking piece of string, it wasn't--

He was going to chew his lip to shreds. He put his head between his knees and breathed long, shaking breaths out. He... he just needed to wait, was what. Stop freaking himself out over Hansel maybe not coming back, when he didn't know whether Hansel would come back or not. He at least needed to wait and see.

Or, he could always run after Hansel. Grab, and cling, and beg. Get reassurance, for the thousandth time.

Then he'd never know, though. If Hansel would come back anyway, without Goro clinging and dragging.

It would be better to wait.

[end]

Lina:

Title: Twine. Summary: Hansel and Goro talk about wanting to get married, but agree it's best to wait. They exchange tokens of their intentions. Later they argue, and Goro sends Hansel away.