Sea Battle of Amon Thiel

## Introduction

During the last age of Craxumia, before the Great Council, a sea battle was fought at Amon Thiel. A place whose location is now long forgot, but will ever be remembered by the Dread Elves of Naalthyr and the Dwarves of Then Derul.

Many Ballads and songs have been written about the battle, but none so great as to the grand opera “Sex, Blood and Gold”, a personal favourite of King Aegamon. It’s many chorus’s would describe and detail the heroic deeds and the gory details that occurred that day.

## Opera "Sex, blood and gold"

### Scene 1

[Muse enters front of stage. Rest of stage curtained off]

**Muse:**

> *Upon the seas and upon the waves, did treasure ship once sail,*
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> *With a wind behind, her as strong as strong as a mighty gale.*
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> *Those sneaky dwarves, evil dwarves, had loaded up the hold,*
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> *What was to be found in her, but a hoard of finest gold.*
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> *The engineer captain at the helm, a dwarf as ugly as a troll,*
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> *Soon he would find out, that he’d had forgot to pay the Naalthyr toll!*
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[Muse exits stage dramatically]

[Curtain raises up to reveal stage set of elf ship]

[Executioner Captain, Lady Sorceress and Executioner Chorus
on stage]

[Gangers at front of stage whip and beat the audience into applause and cheering]

**Captain:**

> *Hark, Hark, Hark my lady and behold!*
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> *Look hence and tell me what you see,*
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> *I look upon the waves with utmost glees,*
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> *Neptunus gifts us with Sex and blood and gold*
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**Chorus:**

> *Yo ho ho ho, sex, blood and gold*
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[further whipping and beating of audience to encourage applause and cheering]
**Lady:**

> *Gratitude to Neptunus, for promise of such bounty,*
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> *During the next festival, I shall need to mount he.*
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> *But good captain, what of your rowers?*
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> *Starboard hence they seem to lye,*
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> *As slow as human churchgoers!*
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**Captain:**

> *Can you call upon Neptunus again?*
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> *You have great favour in his domain,*
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> *Call up a monster from the deep?*
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> *And awaken it from its beauty sleep.*
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**Lady:**

> *I shall see it done, I shall see it made, to reinforce our baricade.*
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> *Hark sweet creature, begin to stir, and to these dwarves I refer.*
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[Lady and Captain move aside and Chorus take centre stage]
**Chorus:**

> *Yo ho ho ho, sex, blood and gold*
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> *Our course is true, our course is laid, into the wind we steer,*
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> *Our comrades to starboard row hard, against the current they veer,*
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> *Yonder hence the enemies lie,*
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> *Let them hear our battle cry!*
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> *Yo ho ho ho, sex, blood and gold!*
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> *Crows nest what see yee there?*
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> *Ships I see which number three,*
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> *One Medium Galleon of Gold,*
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> *One Small Sloop of buggery,*
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> *One Air ship of gunnery,*
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> *That’s all there is to be told.*
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> *Yo ho ho ho, sex, blood and gold*
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[Chorus, Lady and Captain exit stage]

### Scene 2

[Row boat crew enter stage]

**All Rowers:**

> *A dwarf addition to our slave trade,*
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> *But look first, they open up their cannonade,*
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> *What gunnery, what skulduggery,*
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> *They strike our small ship with such accuracy,*
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> *Bail! Bail! Before we see our end unsatisfactorily.*
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**Rower 1:**

> *Look hence they come, a Sloop to the fore,*
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> *Let us loose our bolts and then some more.*
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**Rower 2:**

> *To port we have a fresh ally,*
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> *I hear a Krakens battle cry.*
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**Rower 3:**

> *Look out again their cannonade…..*
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[Water tank above stage is opened and floods the actors]
**All Rowers:**

> *Sunk! Sunk!*
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**Rower 1:**

> *Look out for any sharks you may see,*
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> *For they will eat upon us with great glee.*
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**Rower 2:**

> *Shark! Shark!*
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[A vicious animal dressed as a shark is let loose on stage.

Rower 4 fights animal with sword, and literally fights for his life. It is
intended that both kill each other. If Animal survives, is pulled off stage by
leash for use later. If Actor survives, he is shot]

[Gangers beat and whip the audience to encourage applause
and cheering for the spilling of blood]

**Rower 3:**

> *What a mighty sacrifice.*
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> *He killed the beast, but laid down his life.*
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**Rower 1:**

> *Look our Kraken ally attacks the Sloop,*
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> *Soon he will devour their entire troop.*
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**Rower 2:**

> *Let us make haste, and swim that way,*
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> *And add our bolts to the fray.*
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**Rower 3:**

> *With our kraken feasted, we’ll claim that Sloop,*
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> *And will give us time to regroup.*
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**Rower 1:**

> *The dastards, the bastards, look up high,*
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> *They have an airship of the sky*.
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**Rower 2:**

> *Will the Krakens feast be complete?*
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> *Before the air ship it has to meet?*
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**Rower 3:**

> *Nay, nay. See now they meet, what a duel!*
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> *I have never seen one so nasty or so gruel.*
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**Rower 1:**

> *With machine gunnery and grenades,*
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> *Of combat it makes charades*.
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**Rower 2:**

> *With half their crew bled, our beast is finally dead*
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> *Damn you dwarves, you’re all inbred!*
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**Rower 3:**

> *Quick, Quick, sally forth my lads!*
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[Rower 3 jumps off stage, and
seconds later enters stage]

> *Away they sail, my poor comrades.*
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[Row boat crew exit stage]

### Scene 3

[Muse enters stage]

**Muse:**

> *As this battle was as such told,*
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> *A greater feat would unfold,*
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> *The two ships would come to meet,*
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> *And blade to blade would come to greet*
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[Muse exits stage]

[Chorus, Lady and Captain enter stage]

**Captain:**

> *They turn and come about,*
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> *Their cannons will give us a mighty clout.*
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[Water thrown on stage to represent cannon hit]
**Captain:**

> *Return fire and let loose,*
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> *Of our bolts make some use!*
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**Lady:**

> *They will give us a pounding before we’re near*
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> *But we shall ram them, and meet with spear*
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**Chorus:**

> *Into the cannon fire we set our course*
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> *And come under musketry of great force*
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[One of the chorus actors is shot dead by the director off stage]

[Lady shrieks]

**Captain:**

> *Our Oracle, my lady you have been hit!*
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**Lady:**

> *Tis but a flesh wound, don’t throw a fit!*
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> *Stand back now good captain and do not stare,*
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> *I shall cast a hex on them with my Bewitching Glare.*
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**Captain:**

> *Grapple hooks ready,*
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> *Steady men, stead.*
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[Cast congregate to one side of the stage]
**Captain:**

> *Now, charge!*
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[Slaves (preferably dwarves, but small humans or children dressed as dwarves can suffice) are thrown onto the stage and a literal fight to the death with the actors initiates]

[Once the slaves have been killed, and their blood has suitably wetted the stage floor, the opera continues]

### Scene 4

**Chorus:**

> *Yo ho ho ho, sex, blood and gold.*
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**Captain:**

> *Make haste now lads and take the ship,*
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> *Upon this dwarf gold I want a tight grip.*
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**Chorus:**

> *Yo ho ho ho, sex, blood and gold.*
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> *We fought those dwarves long and hard,*
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> *We split their blood for every oaken yard,*
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> *We stormed the bridge and slayed the crew,*
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> *Their moral was shaken before we broke through,*
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> *The lady’s bewitching glare did its role,*
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> *And the slaughter was too great a toll,*
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> *They cut their colours to ship abandon,*
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> *Leaving us casually march in.*
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> *Yo ho ho ho, sex, blood and gold.*
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> *But look our lady is has fallen dead,*
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> *Shot many times by dwarven lead,*
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> *Their airship now comes upon our stern,*
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> *With the Sloop following up in turn,*
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> *Quickly now we’ll take their Galleon,*
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> *Towards the enemy we’ll sail it on!*
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> *Yo ho ho ho, sex, blood and gold.*
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[Half of the Chorus exits stage]
**Captain:**

> *Come about and hard to starboard,*
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> *Look in the water I see people over board,*
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> *Our brave rowers they must be,*
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> *But sharks are upon them I see,*
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> *Let loose our bolts upon the beasts,*
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> *Perhaps on shark meat we can have some feasts.*
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**Chorus:**

> *We set our dread reaper upon the harvest,*
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> *Looking to make some fresh carcass,*
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> *Alas we killed one but not two,*
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> *And upon our comrades it will now chew.*
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> *Yo ho ho ho, sex, blood and gold.*
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[Captain, Lady and half Chorus exit stage]

### Scene 5

[Muse enters stage]

**Muse:**

> *As this rescue was as such told,*
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> *A further battle would unfold,*
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> *The Galleon and Sloop would come to meet,*
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> *And blade to blade would come to greet*
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[Muse exits stage]

[Other half of Chorus enter stage]

**Chorus:**

> *Yo ho ho ho, sex, blood and gold.*
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> *Our new galleon we did cut loose,*
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> *We’ll put this ship to good use,*
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> *Their Sloop does come towards us,*
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> *They shake their fists and curse and cuss,*
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> *The galleon they seek to reclaim,*
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> *But their sloop they will declaim,*
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> *Look now they grapple us to board,*
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> *And axes in hand them come toward,*
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> *Yo ho ho ho, sex, blood and gold.*
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[Yet more slaves (preferably dwarves, but small humans or children dressed as dwarves can suffice) are thrown onto the stage and another literal fight to the death with the actors initiates]

[Once the further slaves have been killed, and their blood added to further wet the stage floor, the opera continues]

### Scene 6

[Muse, Captain and Chorus enters stage]

**Muse:**

> *As this naval battle was closed,*
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> *Naalthyr supremacy was imposed,*
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> *With navy expanded and gold to be rebranded,*
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> *But sadness now for our lady,*
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> *Whose sacrifice her victory made he.*
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[Lady, now drugged and partially unconscious, is carried on

stage]

**Captain:**

> *A debt is now owed to Neptunus,*
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> *Who was sanctioned by our good lady,*
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> *With promise that she would mount he,*
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> *Dead now with debt still unpaid,*
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> *In necrophilia she must still be laid,*
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> *In Neptunus's stead we will take our turn,*
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> *To satisfy his beyond death yearn.*
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[Captain begins fornicating the Lady on stage]

[Chorus member either wait their turn with the Lady or enter audience and fornicate with whomever they choose]

[Play is officially ended with the beginning of the orgy]