recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
Rob Crespo

**Rob Crespo** is a British musician, producer, and designer. The owner of Crespo Design Ltd., he is a regular collaborator with Elemental and Professor Elemental and produced the Everyday's a Saturday album with Elemental.

## Contributions

Crespo's work featured in the following releases:

### Artwork and Design

* The Indifference Engine - album design
* Father of Invention - album artwork and design
* Irregular Spirits - album artwork and design
* A Platter of Platypuses - album artwork and design
* Apequest: The Search for Geoffrey - album design

### Remixing

* "0800-SICKIE"
* "Enter the Convention"
Winthorpe

Winthorpe was a butler and chauffeur working at Elemental Manor under Bertram and Eunice Elemental.

## Character History

Winthorpe was working for Bertram Elemental in 1846 when Bertram decided to send his son to a boarding school. Winthorpe drove the coach, helping Professor Elemental to drop his son Charles at the school. [The Belvedere Bully]
Animal Ice Cream

***Animal Ice Cream*** is a song by Professor Elemental and the ninth track on the 2012 album Father of Invention.

### Song Facts

 Releases
 Year
 Run Time

## Lyrics

*Ice cream, lovely ice cream*

*Ice cream! Delicious ice cream*

I'm riding, rolling in an ice cream van

Customised and stolen from a nice old man

Amusing animals on the side in spray paint

Primarily tagged to make sure it stays quaint

And attracts the attention of passing children

And passer-bys passing outside their building

I'm ready and willing to sell unusual items

I'm wearing an outfit you might describe as frightening

Badger faces, mostly just the eyes

As you can easily imagine, they mostly look surprised

My coat is made of Labrador, I play domestic matador

The great suburban hunter, anti-animal ambassador

And I sell a chocolate mole

And screballs without bubble-gum, instead I switched to vole

Have you ever really tried a kitten in a Cornetto

Or a vanilla pigeon drenched in amaretto

They're perfectly preserved, some even have the fur

How about a lamb-based lolly now for madam or for sir

I'm glad that you concur and no I don't have any ninety-nines

Just a stick insect and you can check the price is mighty fine

Typing signs, advising rhymes, you can try my lizard lime

Like to see you try to find a finer ice cream, give it time

Animals in ice cream, best believe I made the best

And if I'm low on stock, then I take the neighbor's pet

[Scratches]

*I-I-ice cream*

*Animals in Ice cream*

*Lovely*

*I-I-ice cream*

*I take the neighbours pets*

*You can try my Lizard lime*

*Vanilla pigeon*

*Badger faces*

*Chocolate mole*

*Ice cream*

*The best*

*Ice cream*

*Hurry up and get a scoop before it's gone.*

*And you can get a scoop*

*I-I-ice cream*

*And you can get a scoop*

*Ice cream*

*Hurry up and get a scoop before it's gone.*

*I-I-ice cream*
Professor Elemental's Garden of Escapades

Good grief! It seems to be some sort of scurrilous, rules-lite, tongue-in-cheek chap-hop RPG.

And they say there will be further, expanded editions in the pipeline! Can we even mention the pipeline in polite company?

References:

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/350306/Professor-Elementals-Garden-of-Escapades
Bernard Tranter

Bernard Tranter worked as a clerk in the Mayor's office, and was eventually sent to Sunnyvale Asylum.

## Character History

Bernard worked as a clerk for the Mayor's office around 1882, and when the Gentleman Rex escaped from the menagerie of Professor Charles Elemental he was sent to Elemental Manor to deal with the situation. Tranter delivered the information, but rather than dealing with it himself, the Professor strapped him into the Icarus III, a set of steam powered wings, and flew off with him to battle the Gentleman Rex. During the battle, Tranter flew headfirst into the Rex, knocking the pair of them out and leaving Tranter babbling incoherently. [Large Animal Legislation] Following this incident he was sent to Sunnyvale Asylum for recovery.
A Platter of Platypuses

***A Platter of Platypuses*** is a 2013 compilation album from Professor Elemental*.* It was also released as a limited edition vinyl

## Track listing

*All compositions by Paul Alborough and Tom Caruana except as indicated*

1. "Cup of Brown Joy" - 2:44
2. "Cup of Brown Joy (remix)" - 3:09
3. "Everything Stops for Tea" - 2:13
4. "Fighting Trousers" - 3:03
5. "I'm British" - 2:58
6. "Steam Powered" - 2:00
7. "This is My Horse (Show Me Yours)" - 1:41
8. "Cup of Brown Joy (instrumental)" - 2:43
9. "Cup of Brown Joy (remix instrumental)" - 3:11
10. "Everything Stops for Tea (instrumental)" - 2:13
11. "Fighting Trousers (instrumental)" - 3:03
12. "I'm British (instrumental)" - 3:00
13. "Steam Powered (instrumental)" - 2:02
14. "This Is My Horse (instrumental)" - 1:43
15. "Cup of Brown Joy (acapella) - 2:29
16. "Everything Stops for Tea (acapella)" - 2:00
17. "Fighting Trousers (acapella)" - 2:52
18. "I'm British (acapella)" - 2:49
19. "Steam Powered (acapella)" - 2:02
20. "This Is My Horse (acapella)" - 1:30

## Vinyl Editions

Two vinyl editions were produced including a 150 unit run as a 12" EP with full colour sleeve and a 5 unit test press with a white label.
The Giddy Limit

***The Giddy Limit*** is a 2014 album from Professor Elemental*.*

## Track listing

*All compositions by Paul Alborough and Tom Caruana except as indicated*

1. "All In Together (feat. Nick Maxwell)" - 3:13
2. "Don't Feed the Trolls (feat. Nick Maxwell)" - 3:29
3. "Hat Full of Sunshine (You're Fabulous Remix feat. Sound Assembly)" - 4:11
4. "Otto and Victoria" - 4:44
5. "Scoundrel" - 1:40
6. "You're Being Hunted" - 3:19
7. "Outside the Box" - 2:04
8. "Enter the Convention (Crespo's Comicon Remix)" - 2:55
9. "This Means War!" - 2:58
10. "Do the Boogaloo (feat. Tom Caruana)" - 2:12
11. "The Giddy Limit Bonus Mix by Nick Maxwell" - 42:54

## Music Videos

Music videos released for the album included *All In Together*, *Don't Feed the Trolls*, and *You're Being Hunted*.
Pairs: Professor Elemental deck

Pairs is a "New Classic Pub Game" featuring an unusual deck of cards. The deck has only the numbers 1 through 10, with a different number of each card: 1x1, 2x2, 3x3, and so on, up to 10x10 [2].

The Professor Elemental deck [1] includes a Professor-themed game using the Pairs deck called "Venture".

[1] Details of the Professor Elemental variant of the game, and its purchase: http://hippocketgames.com/professor

[2] General information about Pairs: https://cheapass.com/
Intro (Wild Kingdom)

***Intro*** is a song by The Menagerie and the first track on the 2005 album Wild Kingdom.

## Lyrics

The track does not feature formal lyrics, though also not a formal instrumental. It instead samples music dialogue from other sources and ends with several lines from a much older song:

*The elephant walks around, around; the band begins to play*

*The boys around the monkey's cage had better keep away*

*Joe Johnson was a fellow, the bravest ever found*

*He owns the greatest menagerie that ever was in town*

## Trivia

* The ending lines are partly adapted from "Van Amburgh's Menagerie", a song written in 1865 for animal trainer Isaac A. Van Amburgh, whose traveling shows and trained wild animal acts paved the way for combining menageries and circuses.
Neil McClements

Neil McClements is a comic book artist who contributed to the Professor Elemental Comics series.

## Character History

Neil was hired by Professor Elemental to draw parts of his comic book series. He was invited to the huge launch party where he formed an impromptu band contributing to the horn section and backing vocals. The band's 'music' was so unique it caused several weak baby otters to haemorrhage and explode. This in turn set up a chain reaction causing almost 200 animals to explode all across London. [Professor Elemental Comics 002]
Gibson Quarter

Gibson Quarter is a comic book artist who contributed to the Professor Elemental Comic Book Series.

## Character History

Gibson was hired by Professor Elemental to contribute to his comic book series. At the launch party, Gibson was part of the impromptu band, playing the bass guitar. The 'music' proved to be somewhat different and in fact caused haemorrhaging in a number of weak baby otters who exploded and resulted in a chain reaction of almost 200 animals all exploding throughout London.
Music Room

The Music Room, as one might expect from one so musically prolific and enthusiastic as the Professor, is a large and well-packed hall, though not as large as the Library. Racks upon racks of musical recordings and sheet music fill every alcove, nook and cranny. Gramophones, magnetic wire recorders, wax cylinders, phonautographs - you name a cutting-edge recording technology, the Music Room has it.

The walls and shelves are covered with framed photographs, bronze busts and mementos of the many, many artistes with whom the Professor has worked. And at the centre of them all sits the symbol of one of the Prof's greatest achievements - a gold gramophone disc of "The Indifference Engine", presented to him to mark the sale of a really quite large number of copies of the album.

The far end of the room is filled by a sizeable sound stage containing microphones and loudspeakers. Rumours of the involvement of Nikola Tesla and Oliver Heaviside in the construction of its sound system are not to be believed as the Professor assures us that his wiring is far superior and his amplifiers capable of a much wider range of frequencies than anything those silly sausages could devise.

Visitors are advised not to touch any bare wires or metal surfaces in the stage area.
Alexander Patterson

Alexander Patterson is a writer who contributed to the Professor Elemental Comic series.

## Character Series

Alexander was hired by Professor Elemental to write down several of the Professor's stories for his comic book series. The launch party was something of a fiasco with exploding animals and a giant mecha collapsing on a bank, driving Alexander a little insane. He was admitted to Sunnyvale Asylum along with fellow writer Christopher Mole. It is unknown if Alexander was involved in the violence that followed at the Asylum. [Professor Elemental Comics 002]
Unnamed Assistant 003

The Assistant worked for Professor Elemental for a couple of days in 1880.

## History

The Assistant worked for Professor Elemental for only a couple of days, and was the third assistant the Professor had been through in a single week. He quit Elemental employ after having his eyebrows singed by one of the Professor's "ungodly experiments" [Professor Elemental Comics 001]
FunnyMonstersFriend Вики

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⚡︎ Раздел оценки

ACF — это расширяемая база данных, состоящая из профилей, в которых представлена определённая статистика, составленная в соответствии с разработанной системой оценки характеристик, способностей и общего уровня сил. Хотите понять систему АЦФ? Ознакомьтесь с разделом оценки:

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🗒︎ Статистика
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Characters

## The Fellowship (Dusk City)

* The Crimson Queen
* Lanhua
* Pancake/Dr. Pancake
* Loto/Loto+
* Cinder/Ember
* Maksim
* Q
* April
* Ai
* Zhi
* Anan (Formerly)
* Amanda
* Amanduh
* A.L.I.C.E.

## The Royal Guard (Arthëlea)

* Lady Tea
* Lady Kai
* Krystel, Glitter Emissary of the Royal Guard
* Nil
* Sydney
* Clarize
* Julie
* Whale
* Tacko
* Kin

## The Phantom Watch (Art Zoo)

* Pocky
* Lad/Little King
* Anan
* Alias
* Guy
* Lass/Rattle
* Corvia
* Yuu
* Bitsy
* Alessa
* Dumpling

## The Speakers of the Crystal

* Eme
* Hissop
* Steven
Roof

Every good manor needs a roof. Terribly useful things, roofs, they stop rain and pigeons getting in and stops the residents of the Attic complaining about the draught. In the instance of Elemental Manor, it also provides support for the Observatory, which would crash down into the rooms below without it; and the atmo-etheric lightning collector arrays, which through the miracle of SCIENCE, gather energies from the skies and channel it via an overcomplicated system of cables and glass jars down to the Basement. The roof also provides stunning panoramic views across the estate, allowing one to enjoy a hearty mug of tea as the sun rises or a flagon of gin at sunset.

A flagpole, its white paint peeling somewhat with age, stands atop the East wing. A sophisticated system of pulleys and levers allow the flag to change between the Union flag, the Elemental family flag and whatever laundry needs a good air drying.

Visitors are advised not to loiter on the roof too long due to a nest of robot wasps somewhere in the vicinity of the west chimneystack. One should also avoid straying too near the edge as the crenellations are a bit crumbly as Cookie so nearly discovered to her cost when taking a stroll down below one evening. The centre is a little iffy too following an incident some years back involving a spillage of a tankard of horse brandy. In fact, just avoid the roof altogether.
Good Morning

**Good Morning** is a daytime talk show hosted by Penelope Phingeeh and Geoffrey which suffered an unfortunate setback after an appearance by Professor Elemental.

## Overview

The show featured segments on fitness, politics, music, and cooking. At one point, the Professor filmed a fitness segment for the programme titled Get Fit with Some Git
Sadie Bell

## Miss Sadie Bell

Miss Sadie Bell levels a weapon while holding a skeleton, as seen in a promotional video for "Come Into My Parlour"

## Appearances

### Appears in

Come Into My Parlour, Sweet Cold Colation (feat. Miss Sadie Bell), Professor Elemental Comics 002, Professor Elemental Comics 003, Professor Elemental Comics 004

Miss Sadie Bell is a one time girlfriend of Professor Elemental and the Steampunk Superhero known as the Scarlet Woman.

## Character History

### Courting the Professor

During their early courting days, Sadie joins Professor Elemental at the Duchess' ball, where he in an attempt to impress her unleashing a large number of Cyber Wasps. She calls off their relationship, being briefly wooed by Mr. Belmont before Professor Elemental unveils his brand new arboretum, constructed just for her and she takes him back. [Every Rose Has a Thorn]

### The Scarlet Woman

Sadie begins taking self defence classes and makes herself a costume, secretly becoming the Scarlet Woman. She briefly wishes that the Professor could join her on her nightly hunts, but his attempts to become the Super-Prof do not work out. Not telling him, she sneaks out of his bed to prowl the streets in her superhero garb. [Steampunk Superheroes]

While living with the Professor she tries to convince him to keep Elemental Manor safe for her to bring some friends home. She makes it back home to find the Professor has invited a mutant mouse named Sir Henry Ratkinson home, scaring off all of her friends. [Subterranean Sunday]

As the Scarlet Woman, Sadie investigates the Ratcliffe Workhouse, discovering that Lord Buckingham is selling the children for slave labour. She sneaks into his home during a ball and frees all the children, handing Buckingham himself over to the police. [The Forgotten]

Following these events, the Professor headed out on a voyage across the world once more, leaving Sadie behind. Upon his return Sadie attempted to lure him in with a dress of cakes, but the Professor seemed to ignore it. [Sweet Cold Colation]
More Tea?

***More Tea?*** is a 2010 remix album by Professor Elemental*.* Many of the tracks are remixes of songs from Rebel Without Applause and The Indifference Engine.

## Track listing

*All compositions by Paul Alborough and Tom Caruana except as indicated*

1. "Intro" - 0:39
2. "The Quest for the Golden Frog (Tom Caruana Remix)" - 3:48
3. "Splendid (Tom Caruana Remix)" - 3:01
4. "Fighting Trousers (Mr Simmonds Remix)" - 2:57
5. "Alright (Sunhov Remix)" - 3:17
6. "Fred's Amazing Animal Band" - 1:16
7. "Animal Magic (Tom Caruana Remix)" - 2:41
8. "Animals Remix (Helen Arney and Mr Simmonds feat. Professor Elemental)" - 4:00
9. "Pay Me A Visit (Adjuda remix feat. Count Bass D)" - 4:38
10. "Player Hater" - 3:34
11. "Hard Act to Follow (Tom Caruana Remix)" - 2:52
12. "Livin' In Da 90s (Tom Caruana Remix)" - 3:20
13. "Moon Monkeys" - 1:15
14. "0800-SICKIE (Rob Crespo Remix)" - 3:55
15. "Steam Powered (Tom Caruana Remix)" - 2:16
16. "Let's Get It Done" - 3:08

## Personnel

Mr Simmonds
Sunhov
Adjuda
 Vocals on "Animals"
Matthew Soffe

Matthew Soffe is an artist who contributed to the Professor Elemental Comics series.

## Character History

Matthew was hired by Professor Elemental to work on his comic book series. He was lucky enough to gain a tour of Elemental Manor along with Brendon Purchase and Christian Wildgoose however they entered the attic unaccompanied and have not been heard from since. [Professor Elemental Comics 002]
Intro (More Tea?)

***Intro*** is a song by Professor Elemental and the opening track on the 2010 remix album More Tea?.

## Lyrics

Prof: Professor Elemental
Voice 1: (uncertain, possibly "And let's take you to") new designs and modern dance music, styled by that young composer, arranger, and his orchestra
Tom Caruana: (echoing) TC
Voice 2: Hello everybody, we welcome you to a session of
Voice 3: More tea
Voice 2: And we hope you enjoy our musical offerings.
Nimue Brown

Nimue Brown is a writer who has contributed to the Professor Elemental comics series as well as the book *Letters Between Gentlemen*.

## Character History

Nimue and Thomas Brown were spectral apparitions who were hired by Professor Elemental to work on his comic book series. When their undead status was discovered the pair of them fled, leaving the Professor under investigation by the Metropolitan Police. [Professor Elemental Comics 002]
Moog Gravett

**Moog Gravett** is a Brighton-based musician and director who performs with the Chap Rock group Rapscallion. He frequently collaborates with Professor Elemental on music videos and the occasional remix.

## Contributions

Moog has provided music videos for the following Professor Elemental songs:

* All In Together
* Cup of Brown Joy
* Fighting Trousers
* Good Morning feat. Nick Maxwell
* I'm British
* Sir, You Are Being Hunted
* This is My Horse (Rapscallion Glamour Horse mix)
* Weird Weird West
Max Nickwell

Nickwell's promo shot for his appearance on Good Morning

**Max "Poor Tax" Nickwell** seems to be some sort of politician who appears on daytime talk shows. He once appeared on the show Good Morning with the intent of following a cooking segment featuring Professor Elemental to debate what was then the latest policy. What this policy was, much less his stance on the issue, remains unknown.
Instead of appearing in his own segment, Nickwell crashed the Professor's cooking segment, accepted a drink of an unspecified libation, stole Geoffrey's bowler hat, and bopped and scratched to the beat. What the impact of this appearance was on his political career remains, likewise, unknown. What is known about him is that his fine gray hair, though appearing much like a mop, puts the hair of some of his American contemporaries to shame.

## Background

Max Nickwell was played by musician and frequent Professor Elemental collaborator Nick Maxwell in the music video for Good Morning feat. Nick Maxwell.
Jonathon Taylor

Jonathon Taylor is a comic book artist who contributed to the Professor Elemental comic book series.

## Character History

Jonathon was hired by Professor Elemental to contribute to the comic book versions of his adventures. He attended the launch party for the first two issues and formed an impromptu band with several other artists, Jonathon on lead vocals and spoons. The band's 'music' was so unique that it caused several weak baby otters to haemorrhage and explode. This in turn resulted in a chain reaction with almost 200 animals exploding across the city of London. [Professor Elemental Comics 002]
Melissa Trender

Melissa Trender is a comic book artist who contributed to the Professor Elemental Comics series.

## Character History

Miss Trender was hired by Professor Elemental to contribute to his comic book adventures. At the official launch party, Miss Trender was given control of the left arm of the giant automaton as it marched through London's financial district. When Ms Foxrobot, controlling the head went a little crazy, Miss Trender along with David Thomson controlling the right arm were able to remove the robots head and save the day - but alas not a nearby bank. [Professor Elemental Comics 002]
Guy Business

Guy Business appearing on the cover of the single for Nothing Says Cool Like a Middle Aged Man

## Appearances

### Appears in

Nothing Says Cool Like a Middle Aged Man music video

### Debut

Professor Elemental's Instagram

**Guy Business, Business Guy** is a middle manager of questionable repute who claims to be an alter ego of Professor Elemental. He is dismissive of both the Professor and Paul Alborough and claims their respective friends and family are fictional creations. His list of connections and claims is of dubious veracity, at best.

Guy Business claims to have made millions off of the Professor's entertainment career, through which he created his own marketing firm which, naturally, pays no tax. He proudly touts his list of clients includes Rupert Murdoch, Nigel Farage, Brewdog, and GB News, seemingly unaware or disinterested in any negative publicity they generate.

His financial claims fell into doubt following a divorce with his wife who retained possession of the house.

## Personality and Habits

Guy Business is a relic from the past who shouldn't be preserved. His views are typically in alignment with individuals such as Piers Morgan. He voted for Brexit and he rails against the current "PC culture".

Guy Business has a habit of giving poor business advice, such as:

* Bet equally on both teams in football matches
* Ignore commercial spaceflight and invest in ventures to Earth's core
* Listen to his advice in his music video

## Appearance

Guy Business can typically be seen in a sharp but likely discounted suit and brown shoes with a white shirt and mirrored aviator sunglasses. He diverts attention from his thinning gray hair and his "maturity" by announcing his "financial security". His efforts to work out keep him slim, but his choice of lycra biking attire draws negative attention.

## Publications

* "Live Business, Love Business, Be Business" - Online Course
* "The Business Guy Guide to Business" - Paperback Only

## Background

Guy Business debuted in a post on Professor Elemental's Instagram in advance of his appearance in the Nothing Says Cool Like a Middle Aged Man music video. He is a parody of the segment of the population which is dissatisfied with evolving attitudes toward race, culture, and gender. The reality of his existence in the Professor Elemental continuity is unclear as the Professor's Instagram claims him to be a "ne'er-do-well" who hacked his Instagram while the music video shows him to be a figment of one of the Professor's nightmares. It is possible that the character does exist and provided the impetus for the Professor's nightmare.

1. ↑ https://www.instagram.com/p/CQIf8FRI1pY/
2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ir-an5nX-4
3. ↑ https://www.instagram.com/p/CRJy86eIUOL/
4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 https://www.instagram.com/p/CQJ-g4ujAtA/
5. ↑ https://www.instagram.com/p/CQLJ5O8oZ6y/
Fete Worse Than Def

***Fete Worse Than Def*** is a song by Professor Elemental and the seventh track on the 2009 album The Indifference Engine.

### Song Facts

 Year
 Run Time

The track was re-released on the 10th Anniversary Edition of *The Indifference Engine.* The liner notes describe the song as follows:

*"I love a village fete. They are simple, timeless and often slightly rubbish. This was the Professor's first foray into celebrating some of the more traditional aspect (sic) of British life. It was recreated at length for the 'adventures' radio series."*

## Lyrics

Ahh, that's it boys!
Put it up, put it all up! Today's the day! Haha!
Get that big picture of my face, up on the side of the marquee
Cake stall, are you ready?
Dog show, all your doggies in a row? Let's go!

(Verse 1)
If it's nice all summer
I'll entice more numbers
I'll invite all comers
I'll invite your mother
'Cuz tonight I'm planning for tomorrow morning
Getting up at dawn
Sorting awning and bunting
There's always something new
Here at Elemental Manor there's something to do
Something beautiful and a little alarming
Being built in my English country garden
So for one day you can come and try
My kind of fun on a Sunday in July
Quirky, lovely, quintessentially English
Wonderfully rubbish
Singularly distinguished!

(Refrain)
(Come on down!) It isn't too late
(Another summer!) Let me give you a break
(Something a little different!) Let me give you a taste
Of the annual Professor Elemental Village Fete! (2x)

(Verse 2)
Opening now for B-boys and B-ladies
Steampunks go free, there's no need to pay me
Got morris break dancers, jingling baby
Serve strawberries and cream, with a forty of Baileys
Guess the weight of the break, the DJ rocks!
Splat the rat rapper with a stick or some rocks
Hook-a-duck left the villagers particularly shocked
Shouldn't have used real ducks, that's sick
And I'm not out to offend!
It's for unusual tastes
You'll need your own spoon for my hen and spoon race
Stop your screw face, my tombola is so far bling
Thrown in a car with rims and a chauffeur
Sack race for clans, crews, posses, and cliques
Best pith helmet competition, obviously fixed
Cakes laced with herbs that will knock you for six

## Remixes and Other Versions

 Remix |  | The Indifference Engine: 10th Anniversary Edition

## Trivia

* The title is a play on the phrase "fate worse than death"
Sweet Cold Colation (feat. Miss Sadie Bell)

***Sweet Cold Colation*** is a song by Professor Elemental & Miss Sadie Bell and the fourth track on the 2009 album The Indifference Engine.

### Song Facts

 Year
 Run Time

The track was re-released on the 10th Anniversary Edition of *The Indifference Engine.* The liner notes describe the song as follows:

*"This song is a duet with Madam Faye, the singer, script writer and sometimes director of our 'Come into My Parlour' show. It it's (sic) early days, the Professor was a much darker character, sometimes plotting to murder poor Miss Faye for her fortune. After some trial and error though, we realised he was a much more natural fit as a bumbling eccentric, more often the victim of scams than the instigator. This little song is a throwback to those early shows. People sometimes ask me why I take her teeth at the end. I have genuinely no idea, you'd need to ask Faye."*

## Lyrics

Professor: Darling! Sweet heart I'm home!
The Voyage was a success. 9 years later here I am
Hmmmm
Sadie: Do you like my dress of cakes?
Professor: I'm ever so peckish
Sadie: You like it? You like it alot?
Professor: I don't suppose I could just try...
Sadie: No! Frankly no, you'll never touch me again!

(Professor)
Before I take elevenses, professor stays to play the wrist
A cakey dress, a sexy miss. I best not make a mess of this.
If you cover my love with your truffles and dumplings,
I'll cover you up with my custard and something.
I'll spank you on the Battenburg (ooh).
Try your icing, quite superb!
So lets fly my pretty songbird, I can't wait a moment longer!

(Sadie)
Since you've been away dear I've been so lonely
All I have is baking and going simple slowly.
I've whipped my eggs till custard, smeared it over my gentle frame.
Floured, pale and lusty, baked myself a cake of very dainty pastries.
Because you left me waiting all you'll have are savouries.
I'll give it away to ladies who lunch,
And lady Blamphim can have me for brunch.
Even servants can take their time.
I'll leave a trail of Chantilly cream behind.
I've been so lonely
All I have is baking and going simple slowly.
(Repeats once in background)

(Professor)
But look my dear, you seem in pain
Pperhaps my tools can ease the strain.
I'll use my drill, your face I'll reach,
Eat your cake and take your teeth!
Sadie: AUGHHH! Oh no!

## Remixes and Other Versions

 Remix |  | The Indifference Engine: 10th Anniversary Edition

## Trivia

* A collation is a light, informal meal allowed on fast days in place of lunch
Christian Wildgoose

Christian Wildgoose is an artist who contributed to the Professor Elemental Comics series.

## Character History

Christian was hired by Professor Elemental to work on his comic book series. He was lucky enough to gain a tour of Elemental Manor along with Matthew Soffe and Brendon Purchase however they entered the attic unaccompanied and have not been heard from since. [Professor Elemental Comics 002]
Professor Elemental: And His Amazing Friends

***Professor Elemental: And His Amazing Friends*** is a 2016 album from Professor Elemental*.* The album is a collaborative effort featuring many previous contributors and partners in the Professor's music.

## Track listing

*All compositions by Paul Alborough and Tom Caruana except as indicated*

1. "Intro" -
2. "More of What You Asked For" - 0:32
3. "All You Can Eat" - 1:41
4. "Bare Witness" - 3:36
5. "Cotton Club (skit)" - 0:47
6. "BeeGees Ain't Got Nothing On Me" - 2:46
7. "All in Together (GnT Remix)" - 3:40
8. "Mectoria" - 2:53
9. "Inn at the End of Time (Remix)" - 3:22
10. "I Had a Hat (skit)" - 1:20
11. "Put Up Your Dukes" - 3:04
12. "Sweet Sue (skit)" - 0:39
13. "101 Questions" - 2:48
14. "Laughing Gas (skit)" - 1:14
15. "Wages of Gin" - 2:20
16. "Theme Music (Extended Version)" - 2:21
17. "Outro" - 0:34

## Trivia

"Bare Witness" credits the music upon which it was based to Soul Coughing and thanks are expressed to the band's members, Mark Degli Antoni, Mike Doughty, Sebastian Steinberg, and Yuval Gabay.

## Personnel

Mr Frisbee (Track 2)
Pete Cannon (Track 3)
Bill (Track 4)
 Mastering
Drums: Marco Giovino
Upright Bass: Byron “The House” House
Synths, Programming, Horns: Bill Evans
Assistant Producer: Thomas Price
Engineered using Presonus hardware in Cubase
Master Bedroom

STRICTLY NO ENTRY. THIS INCLUDES YOU, GNOMES

The Master Bedroom is, naturally, the largest and cosiest bedroom in the Manor. Its windows are relatively sturdy, with barely a whistle of winter winds making it through the cracks and crevices. A mighty oak four-poster bed occupies much of the floorspace, with delightfully soft sheets and huge and enveloping down-stuffed pillows, the kind of bed one could merely glance at and immediately want to take an afternoon nap on.

A spacious walk-in wardrobe can be found on one side, its many shelves and cupboards containing a wide variety of dapper headgear, mysterious masks, practical trousers, manly shirts, elegant jackets, sturdy boots and incredibly stylish accessories.

A door on the opposite side leads to the Master Bathroom, within which sits a bathtub of unfeasibly large volume and a huge collection of bath toys, from clockwork submarines and model paddle steamers to rubber duckies and frogs.
Thomas Hallam

Thomas Hallam is a comic book artist who contributed to the Professor Elemental Comics series.

## Character History

Mr Hallam was invited by Professor Elemental to contribute to his new comic book series and was given the role of honour at the launch party by controlling one of the legs of the giant publicity robot. During the party Nikki Foxrobot who was controlling the head went a little mad and Hallam, along with David Perry attempted to help, resulting in accidentally kicking down a bank, luckily evacuated at the time. Eventually all of the artists emerged safe and sound from the robot. [Professor Elemental Comics 002]
The Professor on Television

Professor Elemental's alter ego, Paul Alborough, has provided his talents to a number of television shows as the Professor or other characters. The following is a list of some of his appearances:

* Phineas and Ferb - as Professor Elemental
	+ "Steampunx"
* Penn Zero - as Mayor Direginald Hindenburg
	+ "At the End of the Worlds"
	+ "The Bewildering Bout of the Astounding Automatrons/Back to the Present of Future Balls"
Stables

Few parts of the Manor have been remodelled, modified and rebuilt more than the Stables. Originally built to accomodate horses and carriages back in the days before steam power and bottled lightning, they also housed a kennels for dogs and a substantial hayloft.

Over the last two hundred years they have been abandoned, burned down, rebuilt as a vehicle workshop, imploded, rebuilt as a slightly bigger workshop, and served as a wildlife sanctuary. It currently serves as a badger stables, badgermingo choir rehearsal room, and gardening tools storage. An extension to the side is home to some of the Professor's more successful, less voracious animal hybridisations which over the years have included the owltoise, chimpangoat, donkeypede, lobsterroos (delicious with Béarnaise sauce), batraffes and marmoquin. Nobody is quite sure where the camelion and tigoose are at present but they are, the Professor assures visitors, *probably* quite harmless.
The Great Race

***The Great Race*** is a song by Professor Elemental and the eleventh track on the 2012 album Father of Invention.

### Song Facts

 Releases
 Year
 Run Time

## Lyrics

Still reeling from the night before
Chopped and sore, I received no invite
To a great sky race, a steam powered flight
Now I need to make haste, 'cause I'm leaving tonight
So I make it to the steamship, it seems sort of alright
The balloon looks fine, the rivets all seem reasonably tight
So I add a jet or two, a rocket gleaming in might
Add me a few surprises, laser beams and some lights
It's the taking part that counts, but it's the winning that matters
I'm a good mannered chap but I'm still mad as a hatter
So I nip my steamship from the lord of the manor
Poise is perfect and I'm powered by my passionate grammar
See I stole Santa's sleigh as a jet for my flight
Scalawags sent to test me, so I'm setting it right
Others try to run the sky but I'm owning the sun
'Cause when it comes to being king there can only. Be. One.
(Interlude)
On. Your. Mark. Get set and then go, then I suddenly stall
Come on girl, one more go before you utterly fall
Apart. She starts with the charge of a brilliant stallion.
I can almost feel the weight of my winning medallion
I take out two ships that were caught in my slipstream
Snip another sail and it's onto the next team
And yes it seems cruel but I'm on fire, tireless
Engaging in cannon fights, taking out pirates!
Oh, Christ, my next contestant is a kind of vengeful super villian
With laser guns to make me lose but I'll prove I'm winning
I'll reshape my steamship with two new ignitions
New, improved, you'd best assume the position
I saw the winning line, I just need a little time
And then some creep sneaks up from behind
It's an ape in a jet; I'm amazed but startled
Oh Geoffrey, damn you traitorous bastard
I cannot believe that you, of all people...!
I was winning that race!
I would've won something for the first time in my damned life.
You are the millstone around my neck
Oh, no, you're the monkey around my neck

## Music Video

An unofficial video was produced by the YouTuber johnspyderparry and uploaded on 8 April 2013. The video was filmed at the Great Torrington Race Course during the Lady Phylis Tyne Charity Plate.

## Trivia

* Among the racers mentioned in the announcer's dialogue are Christopher Mole and Moog Gravett
Special School: The Album

***Special School*** is a 2011 album and the eponymous debut from Special School. The album features contributions from Longusto, Legs, Vecks, and Dizraeli

## Track listing

*All compositions by Paul Alborough and Jon Clark except as indicated*

1. "So Special" - 2:55
2. "A Scolding" - 2:36
3. "Too Much Info (feat. Longusto)" - 3:06
4. "Joey and Marie" - 2:16
5. "Pie (feat. Legs)" - 2:50
6. "Wilbur and Orville" - 2:38
7. "The Antidote" - 2:28
8. "Hungry (feat. Vecks)" - 3:51
9. "Second to None" - 2:50
10. "Graveyard Shifts (feat. Dizraeli)" - 4:08

## Personnel

 Producer
Herbie Dragons (tracks 4, 8)
Mr Cooper (track 5)
 Mixing and Mastering
Dizraeli (tracks 3, 10)
Holly Holsta (track 4)
Legs (track 5)
 Scratches
This is My Horse (Show Me Yours)

***This is My Horse (Show Me Yours)*** is a song by Professor Elemental and the sixteenth track on the 2012 album Father of Invention. It was also released as a single for the album.

### Song Facts

 Releases
 Year
 Run Time

## Single

*This is My Horse* was posted on Bandcamp as a single on 13 March 2013 with three additional tracks:

*All compositions by Paul Alborough and Tom Caruana except as indicated*

1. "This is My Horse (Show Me Yours)" - 1:41
2. "This is My Horse (Saddle Up Remix)" (Mr Simmonds remix) - 1:38
3. "Massive Horse feat. Professor Elemental" - 3:21
4. "This is My Horse" (Instrumental) - 1:43
5. "This is My Horse" (Acapella) - 1:30

## Lyrics

Well I'm up, I've got my pot

I've got my cup, I've got the lot,

I'm out for lunch, I've lost the plot

Look at my horse I'm riding and I may never stop!

She's got a mane, she's got a throne

Upon her back so here we go

Once again, well I'll be blowed

Look at the crowd let's stop and say hello

So many folks, I've met so far

Some lovely blokes who got me charged

Some lovely girls, a bit bizarre

I see my love out there wherever you are

Through estates where I make rap

The scary chaps who won't wink back

They find me strange, but now their trapped

In a cliché while I'm hitting like a willow cricket-bat

It's all game, so if you're bored

Of all the same then climb aboard

And we can see what we can see

Whether abroad over here or even over-seas

My lovely horse, my might steed,

I give my thanks, oh yes indeed

For helping me see what to be,

On my horse as free as I could ever be

I'm on a horse, I've got a horse, I ride my horse, I like my horse

My lovely horse is not your horse

Can't have horse not a horse that's even like my horse

It is my horse, its got four legs, it is a horse,

I ride it around, because it's a horse, that's what you do when you got a horse

And that's very much what I got

I got a horse, a lovely horse, a pretty horse, a pretty horse...

## Music Video

A video featuring the *Glamour Horse Remix*, produced in Chap Rock style by Rapscallion, was directed by Moog and posted to YouTube on 25 October 2015.

### Credits

 Producer
The Arabian Tent Company

## Remixes and Other Versions

 Massive Horse |  | This is My Horse (single)
 Instrumental |  | This is My Horse (single)
 Acapella |  | This is My Horse (single)
 Glamour Horse Remix

## Trivia

* On 24 July 2020, in the midst of a global pandemic, the Professor posted a video of his alter ego riding a toy horse in a park, referencing this track, during a fit of quarantine madness. It was delightfully entertaining.
The Butler Did It!

**"The Butler Did It!"** is the twenty-first episode in Season 3 of L•I•F•E and the sixty-fourth episode in the series overall. It first aired on April 28, 2017 to 7.52 million viewers.

## Synopsis

In this special episode, Jason and Carly put on a show as the framed Butler and the detective, respectively, in this play inside an episode!

## Cast

### Main Cast

* Jason Henderson
* Brenda Lewis
* Carly Walker
* Ezra Adams
* Connor Griffin
* Naya Allen
* Sebastian Wilson
* Gia Montoya
* Skylar Ward
* Stella Freeman

### Recurring Cast

* Ms. Alana Reed
* Luna Smith
* Tess Barnes
* Ryder Cook
* Brady Henderson
* Julia Henderson
* Chris Henderson

## Trivia

* This episode is the first play-themed kind of episode.
School of Whimsy

***School of Whimsy*** is a 2018 album from Professor Elemental*.* The album features contributions from Nick Maxwell, Ella Jean, Katey Matey, Jon Clark, Gramski, Dr Syntax, Willie Evans Jr, Jesse Dangerously, and Sabira Jade. Skit tracks sample speeches and dialogue from Ray Bradbury and Neil Gaiman.

The album encourages listeners to be themselves, to try new things, and find joy in everything, even making fun in the midst of the mundane.

The format sets up the concept of the *School of Whimsy*, a university led by Professor Elemental himself. Listeners, aka students, are asked to "have the silliest time possible."

Throughout the album there are references to past songs and albums including All In Together and Cup of Brown Joy.

## Reception

Music review site *3 Songs & Out* gave the album 4.5 of 5 stars. In their review, Scott Hamilton concludes by saying "Professor Elemental's world is crazy, cheery and full of fun for everyone. We could do with having a few more people like him around... Rather than getting fed up with life's negativity, learn your lesson from the "School Of Whimsy." Enjoy yourself.... and make good art!"

## Track listing

*All compositions by Paul Alborough and Tom Caruana except as indicated*

1. "Words From The Headmaster" - 1:15
2. "Comfort Zone feat. Nick Maxwell" - 2:42
3. "Downside Up feat. Ella Jean" - 2:38
4. "Came a Long Way feat. Nick Maxwell" - 3:12
5. "One Too Many" - 3:28
6. "Crackpot (skit)" - 0:42
7. "Jumble Sale feat. Katey Matey, Jon Clark, and Gramski" - 3:57
8. "Nervous" - 2:41
9. "Housebound Hedonists feat. Dr Syntax & Nick Maxwell" - 2:45
10. "Live Like Kings feat. Ella Jean" - 2:42
11. "Witness The Miraculous (skit)" - 1:09
12. "Make Good Art pt. 2 feat. Willie Evans Jr & Jesse Dangerously" - 3:16
13. "SQRL" - 3:52
14. "Everything You Need To Get Started (skit)" - 1:28
15. "Tom's House feat. Sabira Jade" - 3:13
16. "Good Morning feat. Nick Maxwell" - 2:48
17. "Sunskip" - 2:22
18. "Outro (skit)" - 2:10

## Music Videos

Music videos released for the album included *Good Morning*, *Nervous*, *One Too Many*, *Jumble Sale*, and *SQRL*.

#### Good Morning

The video for *Good Morning* is themed around an appearance by the good Professor on a morning talk show hosted by Geoffrey and Penelope Phingeeh titled, appropriately, "Good Morning". The Professor, watching from home, realises he's meant to be at the studio and races there as chaotically as possible. Intervening segments indicate a later interview with politician Max "Poor Tax" Nickwell. The Professor arrives for what appears to be a cooking segment that quickly devolves into chaos involving Rubik's Cubes and alcohol. Nickwell joins the festivities as well before the show is pulled from the air, to be replaced by a hotly awaited quiz show titled "Whose Round Is It Anyway?"

Credits include Sarah Powell as Penelope, Karl Savage as Geoffrey, Nick Maxwell as Max Nickwell, and the Professor as himself.

## References

1. ↑ https://www.threesongsandout.com/single-post/2018/04/24/Professor-Elemental---School-Of-Whimsy-Album-Review
2. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wuthd5RsGI0
Thomas Brown

Thomas Brown is a comic book artist who contributed to the Professor Elemental Comics series.

## Character History

Thomas and Nimue Brown were spectral apparitions both hired by Professor Elemental to contribute to his comic book series. When their undead status was revealed, they fled the scene, leaving the Professor under investigation from the Metropolitan Police. [Professor Elemental Comics 002]
Brendon Purchase

Brendon Purchase is an artist who contributed to the Professor Elemental Comics series.

## Character History

Brendon was hired by Professor Elemental to work on his comic book series. He was lucky enough to gain a tour of Elemental Manor along with Matthew Soffe and Christian Wildgoose however they entered the attic unaccompanied and have not been heard from since. [Professor Elemental Comics 002]
Pugh

Pugh was a butler who worked for Professor Elemental in the late 1870's. He was deaf as a post and stupid as a hat, but did make a lovely cuppa.

## History

Pugh worked for the Professor for many months, but grew of the busy, and dangerous life style of Elemental. When he resigned from the Professor's employ, he claimed he wished to work somewhere more peaceful, like an asylum. It is currently unknown if he did indeed move into this field of work. [Professor Elemental Comics 001]
Nick Maxwell

**Nick Maxwell** is a British musician. He is a regular collaborator with Elemental and Professor Elemental, contributing cuts to numerous tracks. He is also a member of The Menagerie.

## Contributions

Maxwell features in the following releases:

### With Professor Elemental

* "Back in the Swing of Things (91 Remix)"
* "Animal Ice Cream"
* "All in Together"
* "Don't Feed the Trolls"
* The Giddy Limit (bonus mix)
* "Theme Music"
* "The Inn at the End of Time"
* "Comfort Zone"
* "Came a Long Way"
* "Housebound Hedonists"
* "Good Morning"
	+ Additional guest appearance in the music video as Max Nickwell

### With The Menagerie

* Wild Kingdom
* Irregular Spirits
Last Yearbook

**"Last Yearbook"** is the twenty-fourth episode in Season 4 of L•I•F•E and the one-hundred-and-sixteenth episode in the series overall. It first aired on April 19, 2019 to 8.68 million viewers.

## Synopsis

Jason and the friends are all left without a yearbook due to Asst. Superintendent Theresa's budget cuts and they find out that there’s one last yearbook on campus that hasn’t been found leading them all to go on a wild goose chase for the yearbook. Hunter reveals to Brenda that he likes Jason and that he wants to ask him out officially before Graduation Day and Brenda decides to help him. Meanwhile, Samara has a meeting with Theresa about the budget cuts and she ends up fighting with Theresa.

## Cast

### Main Cast

* Jason Henderson
* Brenda Lewis
* Carly Walker
* Ezra Adams
* Sebastian Wilson
* Dean Danvers
* Luna Smith
* Gia Montoya
* Tess Barnes
* Skylar Ward
* Stella Freeman
* Hunter Maciel

### Recurring Cast

* Hope Murphy
* Ms. Alana Reed

### Guest Cast

* Principal Samara Vaughn
* Asst. Superintendent Theresa Monroe
Swing

**Swing** is an unfinished song from 2006.

## Trivia

* The track samples two major sources for the beat:
	+ The theme from Worzel Gummidge

* Worsel Gummidge, whose theme song is sampled as mentioned above, was portrayed by Jon Pertwee. Pertwee had previously portrayed the roguish Time Lord known as The Doctor. This creates an interesting, if tenuous and overblown linkage between Doctor Who and Professor Elemental, leading to some questions as to the Professor's true origins.
* This song works peculiarly well when played over the video of Beyonce's "Single Ladies". Try it, you'll be frightfully amused or amusingly frightened.