C2 E66

This is a non-spoiler mostly canonical episode where our heroes must complete a series of tasks for Ratma. It is good for old and new fans alike and a great way to get your buds into the show.

## **Story**

### Long Story

It's a bright shining day in Mineford (actually it's not since they're in the Underdark). T'Chuck, R'Oarc, Selene, and Screech do a James Gunn-style superhero walk up to the Quest Board. They see four new notices posted on it, four new and interesting quests for them to complete. Before they can read them, however, they are stopped by Ratma Ritmo.

The old Goblin tells them these new quests are all connected. Apparently, Mineford used to hold an annual festival, which stopped when Mineford was abandoned. Now, however, she wants to restart this festival. This should hopefully serve to bring a little bit of life back to town. Like a tourist attraction, you know. The Svirfneblin of Gunthroguard and the Duergar of Morendarith are potential customers/visitors (remember those nearby cities? Bet you didn't).

But, there's also another city, one that Ratma's been neglecting to mention. Thornhaven. And why has Ratma been so cagey about it? Well, because it's the city of Goblins. Seems our girl Ratma has a bit of a reputation around those parts. And not a good one. This isn't helped by the fact that the festival is named "GobblyCon", a name which brings much shame to Ratma. They'll have to come up with another name for that, eventually.

But first! The show must go on. Ratma points out that the four quests are all about getting the festival up and running. There's a lot of work to do, but with haste and a bit of luck, all four of these quests could be completed today! They are:

* "Blood Sport: Nothing gets people's blood pumping like two folks beating each other to near death. A group of gladiators passed through the town yesterday in a caravan. Catch up to them, and convince them to have a match here. Reward: 100 gold pieces."
* "Dream Master: We need something for the kids. Go borrow the Dream Master. Additional Info: It has been protected by shadows since the Console Wars. Reward: 100 gold pieces."
* "Missing Djinn: I hired this friggin' Elf singing group, and one of them won't come out of their room. Convince them otherwise. Reward: 100 gold pieces. P.S. Don't bruise up his face, or no reward."
* "Hobgoblin Housewives: Clear the path to Thornhaven. The way is blocked by a bunch of misty old hags. If they die I won't shed a tear. Reward: 100 gold pieces."

The party is immediately drawn to that last one, so that's the one they decide to tackle first. Ratma points them in the Hobgoblins' direction (about a mile down a nearby tunnel), and off they go. Screech decides to come clean to R'Oarc that he's Beholder-doodle, and Koala T, and Drop Bear, and all of the various vigilantes about town. Cool, now Selene, R'Oarc, and T'Chuck all know everything. That should make things easier.

The tunnels open up, and a giant stone structure looms ahead. 3 gates block the path through the tunnel. The party approaches the left most tunnel, and are greeted by a Ratma Ritmo-esque voice. The voice identifies itself as "Danielle". R'Oarc senses something, and proceeds to the middle gate. Another voice introduces itself as "Teresa". And the voice on the left is "Lisa". This is, apparently, some kind of *Real Housewives* thing, which R'Oarc/Nika is a huge fan of. She's able to use her player knowledge to convince Lisa that they have special dog treats for Lisa's dog. She also somehow knows that Lisa has a burgeoning real estate business, and it would be financially lucrative for Lisa to do business with Mineford. Lisa agrees, and the gates are opened up.

Hurray! Quest 1 complete! Next up is the Blood Sport quest. What do we know about gladiators? Well, apart from the oiled up, sweaty, homo-erotic... actually that could work. Maybe that's all we need. Beholder-doodle adopts a new form, putting a lion costume over his Beholder costume. He's now Lion-doodle! With him as a lion, and T'Chuck as an oiled up, half-naked gladiator, their outfit is complete. They head out to the spot that Ratma tells them about.

Now, at this point, there's some bullshit with the Boner Pills. We all remember the Boner Pills, right? Vials of "fantasy viagra" given to the party by The Abbott back in Episode 61? Of course we all remember. Now, we're gonna get pretty in the weeds on this, in a way that 100% DOES NOT MATTER, so if that's not your thing, go ahead and skip this paragraph. Here's the thing, in Ep. 61, the party was given 1 stew made of the boner medication, which was given to J'Michael to fix his little issue (not so little, ifyouknowwhatImean). The party was ALSO given 69 vials of this medication, referred to colloquially as "Boner Pills". In this episode, Tim mentions that he has 68 pills. So, this would suggest that he thinks one was given to J'Michael, which is not how I interpreted those events. Even still, in Ep. 63, 5 vials were sold to Ratma Ritmo for a total of 100 gold pieces. This would mean that the party had, at that time, 64 vials (this would also suggest that the value of one vial is 20 gp, at least in that interaction). Nothing else happened with the vials between Ep. 63 and now, so going into this episode, they should have 64 vials. Cool. Now, Tim mentions handing out 22 vials to the others. There are three other party members, so it's impossible to divide 22 by 3 cleanly. That would be 7.3333. I'm going to make the executive decision to round this number down to 21, so that each member has 7 vials. Cool? T'Chuck should now have 43 vials, by my math. Later, (I'm skipping ahead here a bit), he gives one of these to soon-to-be-introduced Jerry Cola, and mentions that he now has 43 vials. He should actually have 42 (even by Tim's math of 68 vials - 22 vials - 1 vial, he should have 45). So, let's just assume he has 42, okay? He then gives an additional 6 vials to Jerry and the rest of the gladiators, to hook them on the pills, hoping to get them to come back to Mineford and buy more. This would leave T'Chuck with 36 vials (64 - 21 - 1 - 6 = 36). But Tim says he has 37. There's no way to make that make sense. For the purposes of this Wiki, and for my own sanity, I'm saying that T'Chuck has 36 vials, and Screech, Selene, and R'Oarc each have 7 vials. The party's total at this point would then be 57. Sound good with everyone? Let's move on now.

Alright, anyway, Screech-Lion and T'Chuck are... I don't know if they're fighting or fucking at this point. It could honestly be going either way. In any case, a caravan pulls up next to them, and on the side is a painting of some big shiny men. Beneath them are huge letters that read "A.E.G. (All Elite Gladiator)". This is, apparently, some kind of wrestling thing, which T'Chuck/Tim is a huge fan of. The door swings open, and out steps a large muscly man calling himself Jerry Cola, an amazing name. His gimmick is lions. Anyway, the party asks him to return to town to fight, but he doesn't think they're worthy, so they'll need to fight him here, yada yada yada. Look, this is the longest Wiki article ever. Let's pick up the pace a bit. Screech fights Jerry Cola and wins, and Jerry agrees to return to Mineford to fight during the festival. They also give him one of the Boner Pill vials, plus six more for the rest of the gladiators.

Hurray! Quest 2 complete! The party returns to town and collects rewards for the first two quests, a total of 200 gp. Next up, they decide to go after the Dream Master. It's down yet another nearby tunnel, believe it or not. Down they go, and along the way, Screech-Beholder-Lion gets covered in bugs. And we all know the best way of dealing with bugs, is by using a Game Shark to cheat. Or something. I don't know, my parents never bought me a Game Shark, no matter how much I asked for it. Seriously, it was on my Christmas/Birthday list for, like, 8 years before I stopped asking for it. Never got it. Anyway, Screech adopts a new identity, that of The Game Shark!

They travel for hours, passing by some spider webs, and eventually, get to the realm of the shadow! Or, just Shadow. He's dude, living out in a garage on his own. He's small, has dark hair, and is, like, super edgy, you guys. This is, apparently, some kind of video game thing, which Screech/Bachmann is a huge fan of (I actually do get this reference, I'm just using a cheeky tone of voice for the recurring gag). Anyway, Screech steals the Dream Master and they leave. Remember, I'm trying to wrap this up quick.

Hurray! Quest 3 complete! Back in Mineford, the party gives the Dream Master to Ratma, who puts it on her head, and the video game Seaman starts playing. Look it up, it's horrific. Ratma's a weird bird. She does pay up, though, an additional 100 gold. That's 300 gold they've collected already just today!

Okay! Only one quest to go. The Missing Djinn, a singer who's locked himself in his room of The Goblin Pit Too. Apparently, he's complaining about his rider, or something like that. This is, apparently, some kind of BTS thing, which Selene/Jennifer is a huge fan of. She knows that this Djinn, who's name may in fact be Jin, loves DILFs, and fortunately for us all, the party has a DILF with them at all times! Selene mentions this through the door, and this works. The door flies open, and out leaps the Djinn, shouting his catchphrase: "DILFs?!?!?"

And the episode ends there.

### Short

The party completes four quest for Ratma Ritmo, so that she can put on a festival known as "GobblyCon". They convince some Hobgoblin Housewives to let travelers through the tunnels. They hire a gladiator ring for some entertainment. They borrow a Dream Master from a nearby hedgehog. And they convince a K-Pop singer to leave his bedroom. All in a day's work for a rag-tag group of tunnel dwellers. Good job, everyone.

## **Trivia**

* Day 47 of the campaign. *(I'm assuming. Last episode, Day 46 seemed pretty long, so this is most likely a new day. It could be days or even weeks later from the last episode, though)*
* T'Chuck mentions "those people" who are still around, that he can't remember the name of. These would be The Veterans, a group of ex-OT members who have been completing quests under our heroes' noses.
* The party suggests hiring The Jokester to help run the festival. He could even be paid in Screech Bucks.
	+ Screech's printing press is mentioned. Technically, it still exists, but it's currently being commandeered by the villain Copperpot.
* The name of GobblyCon is actually kind of confusing. Michael mentions that it's the name of the "Goblinoid catering festival", but this episode takes place at GeeklyCon. So clearly, this is a reference to that. But GeeklyCon is the whole convention, not just the catering company. I may just be misunderstanding this, and "GobblyCon" is the name of the festival itself. I just thought all of that should be noted.
* Shadow only listens to chip-tune music.
	+ He is also a veteran of the Console Wars, whatever that means.
* It's unclear if the "Missing Djinn" quest is actually satisfied or not. Technically, all they had to do was get him out of his room, so I guess they did it? But they may have to convince him to do the show. Only time will tell, as Enya once said.

## **In This Episode...**

### **Cast and Player Characters**

* Michael DiMauro - *Dungeon Master*
* Tim Lanning - T'Chuck
* Jennifer Cheek - Selene von Esper
* Nika Howard - R'Oarc
* Mike Bachmann - Screech Echo / Beholder-doodle (Screech) / Lion-doodle (Screech) / Game Shark (Screech)

### **Non-Player Characters**

* Ratma Ritmo
* Danielle
* Teresa
* Lisa
* Jerry Cola
* Shadow
* A Djinn, possibly named Jin

### **Locations**

* The Underdark
	+ Mineford
		- The Goblin Pit Too

### **Quest Board**

* [Ongoing] - Restore Mineford to it's true potential
	+ [Active] - Investigate "Bill, the Necromancer", in the far off city by the coast
	+ [NEW][Complete] - ~~Clear the path to Thornhaven~~
	+ [NEW][Complete] - ~~Convince the gladiators to have a match in Mineford~~
	+ [NEW][Complete] - ~~Borrow the Dream Master from Shadow~~
	+ [NEW][Complete?] - ~~Convince the Djinn to come out of his room~~
* [On-hold] - Take the disembodied lips to the oceanfront, for a burial at sea

### **Quotes**

* **"So, yeah. I don't trust Screech anymore, because he's a liar, but I think we're all closer for it."** ~ *T'Chuck*
**"Wait, I thought we were good now!"** ~ *Screech*
**"Oh, that's right. I'm conflicted about it."** ~ *T'Chuck*

* **"What if we use J'Michael's cum to convince them that it's new muscle milk?"** ~ *Nika Howard*

* **"No, the Property Brothers are in love with each other. It's not *our* fault!"** ~ *Jennifer Cheek*

* **"He's kind of fuckable!"** ~ *Nika Howard*
**"No, he's not! *Stop googling Shadow the Hedgehog!!!*"** ~ *Tim Lanning*

## **Rolls**

* **R'Oarc** rolls *Deception* to convince Lisa that they have special dog treats from the Emperor - 18
	+ Success - She listens to them.

* **R'Oarc** rolls *Performance* to, I think, help T'Chuck and Screech fight/fuck each other convincingly - 21
	+ She does? I guess?

* **T'Chuck** rolls *Persuasion* to neg Jerry Cola - 22
	+ Success - Jerry Cola wants to fight them now

*"Combat" Begins vs Jerry Cola*

* Initiative
	+ **Lion-doodle** - 27
	+ Jerry Cola

*Round One*

* **Lion-doodle**
	+ Melee Attack (Lion Punch) vs Jerry Cola (with Advantage, due to Inspiration) - 4, or 1, or 5? + 8 = 20?
		- Hit - 16 damage

* **Jerry Cola**
	+ Attempts to grab Lion-doodle and perform "Code Breaker" - ??
		- Miss

*Round Two*

* **Lion-doodle**
	+ Melee Attack (Shake) vs Jerry Cola (with Advantage) - 19?
		- Hit - 8 damage - *Finishes him*

*Combat Ends*

* **Game Shark** rolls *Perception* to see if there's Dream Master nearby - Nat 20
	+ He sees it off to the right

* **Game Shark** rolls *Stealth* to sneakily grab the nearby Dream Master - 18 + 9
	+ Success - He does that

* **Selene** rolls *Persuasion* to convince the Djinn to come see the DILF (with Advantage) - 12
	+ It works!