Alanis

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Art by: Caldwell Tanner as the September 2019 Monster of the Month

**Alanis** is one of the three legendary heroes of Bahumia.

## Bio

Alanis was one of the three legendary heroes who defeated Asmodeus. After defeating Asmodeus, she, Ulfgar, and Thiala fought, and Thiala betrayed them. Alanis set up a home in the Feywild, and manufactured components for *Wish* spells to reverse time five times, in an attempt to defeat Thiala.

In some of these attempts, she fought Thiala herself and failed; in others, the Band of Boobs died. In the final attempt, she brought Balnor over from an alternate timeline, and ensured he would meet the Boobs by putting him in a Deck of Many Things and disguising herself as Thrifty Schwifty.

Alanis also worked alongside Professor Duttle, who stole some of her work and claimed it as his own, and defeated the dragon Shadowfang.

## Description

Alanis is an elven wizard. She is tall, with an elegant, ageless face, and purple eyes. She wears goggles to hold back her curly, black hair, and is first described as wearing purple leggings, a black tunic, and a black and purple cloak. She smokes a long, fancy pipe.

Alanis is described as "kind of a mix between a wizard, a scientist, and an adventurer."

It is hinted at that she has romantic feelings for Ulfgar, who has more obvious feelings for her.

While under the control of Thiala, she wears a white circlet on her head which sends pulsing energy throughout her body.

## Role in The Story

#### Tales From The Crick

In her attempt to get Balnor to The Band of The Boobs, Alanis dons the disguise of Thrifty Schwifty in order to not draw attention to herself. She is successful in using The Deck of Many Things, allowing Balnor to join The Boobs and in turn save their lives multiple times.

#### A Faerie Tale

Alanis continues to live in the Feywild, where she invents magical items and is constantly high. She takes the disguise of a sea hag once The Boobs are brought to her by a turtle dragon under her command. During her meeting with The Boobs she explains what happened in alternate timelines where she failed to save the world. Furthermore, she explains Balnor's past and why she did what she did.

During the battle against the Chosen and their angels, she disappears to the Material Plane to distract Thiala.

At some point whilst she was in the Feywild, Beverly's father told her about his deal with Akarot, but swore her to secrecy. She considered finding a loophole in the vow and telling Beverly about the betrayal early, but decided not to, as the risk to everyone was far too severe. Additionally, Bev Sr. assured her that his son would find and defeat him.

#### The Chosen Prelude

During the battle with Thiala at The Astral Keep, Alanis appears under the control of her former friend. It is revealed that after her distraction from the Feywild, she was caught. She is forced to blow up the keep and sends everyone inside flying into space aside from The Boobs, Ulfgar, and Thiala.

She is seen later on by The Boobs with the help of Salice, who casts a scry-like spell. She is seen entering a ruby portal to an unknown location, and her eyes flash back to normal for a moment, suggesting she may not fully under the control of the mind-controlling, white circlet.

#### The Hellfire Chronicles

The Boobs encounter Alanis on Treachery, the 8th level of Hell. She reveals that she was never under the control of Thiala, and was simply playing along; she remembered being mind-controlled by her in another timeline, and had prepared a Counterspell that activated as the magic circlet was placed on her head. The destruction of the Astral Keep was also part of the act, as a less lethal alternative to slaughtering everyone in attendance. Once Thiala was satisfied with Alanis's work and distracted in the melee, Alanis made a break for the Nine Hells to confront Ilsed. After battling him, she then heard his story, learning the truth about him and Akarot.

She relays this to the Boobs, and then joins them to defeat Akarot. She offers to bear the burden of the Hellfire Crown, but eventually it is decided that, at least temporarily, Pendeghast will wear it.

They all return to the Material Plane, and Alanis joins Ulfgar to fight against Thiala and Akarot. However, Thiala is able to capture them both in gems, using the strength of her entire army.

#### The Chosen Saga

Thiala uses Alanis for arcane power during the final battle, but, once Thiala is defeated, Alanis is freed. While the version of her from the current timeline is unconscious, a Traveler version of Alanis, who represents all the timelines she has lived, offers to return Balnor to his home, where he will be strong enough to defeat The Hounds and protect his family.

## Quotes

* "This is a *real* fuckin' high elf."
* "There's a war coming, and everyone needs to fight, even old men who don't know how."

## Trivia

* After the final battle, Alanis returns to Gladeholm and resides there as the Archmage of the city in the sky.
* Her version of Mordenkainen's Magnificent Mansion has a dedicated conspiracy theory room.