Episode 15: World Wide Beer with special guest Tom

https://globehell.libsyn.com/

## Episode Summary

Josiah and Drew are joined by world famous streamer and creator of Chapo Trap House Podcast Tom to discuss World Wide Beer.

## Idea Details

* Idea: World Wide Beer
* Creator of idea: Tom and Drew
* Purpose of idea: Fellas, I'd like to welcome you into my pub. Come on in, have a seat at my bar. It's more like a cocktail bar. This is a genuine Irish pub. Don't make your own drink. There's a special drink I wanna introduce you guys to tonight. And it's something called World Wide Beer. Gentlemen, I would like to offer to you one pint glass of World Wide Beer. Would you agree to that? Would you agree to the pint? Just agree to it. Well OK boys, step behind the bar, come with me. Do you see this trapdoor behind the bar? I'm opening it up, we're gonna crawl down inside. We're going down into the cellar. This is where you get the World Wide Beer. Because, gentlemen, direct your eyes to the grate in the middle of the floor. It's not piss. It's not sewage. This is the pipeline for the World Wide Beer. The World Wide Beer. We're gonna have our own beer. It's gonna be installed in every bar, every restaurant, every household, anywhere basically anywhere with a basement and pipes. We're not gonna be able to do it in California or places that don't have basements, because you do need a basement for this.
* Timetable: World Wide Beer will be implemented in the next couple months. The beer already exists, so all that needs to be made is a vacuum-sealed room in every basement across the globe.
* Idea details:
	+ World Wide Beer will be stored in an open hole in the ground in the basement, and you can dip your cup into it. It will be sort of like a sewer system. Every time you want some more World Wide Beer, you can pump it up out of the pit to get some into your cup.
	+ World Wide Beer will be cold, but it can be thrown into the microwave if you prefer it hot.
	+ The installation of the World Wide Beer pipeline will come with a couple free cups.
	+ There will be a vacuum-sealed room in the basement that surrounds World Wide Beer pit, and before getting your beer you would disinfect and get scrubbed up before being able to dip your hand in the pit to fill your cup with some World Wide Beer.
	+ The pit that contains World Wide Beer will be found in every bar, restaurant, house, apartment, etc., in the world that has a basement. For apartments, this would mean the pit is located in the basement of the apartment itself like a shared laundry, so everyone in the apartment complex would need to go down there to dip their hands in the pit and get a cup of World Wide Beer.
	+ World Wide Beer will be a mix of lager, ale, pilsner, stout, IPA, witbier, porter, bitter, pale ale, brown ale, bock, dunkel, mild ale, pale lager, lambic, saison, Märzen, barley wine, Kölsch, Berliner Weisse, American pale ale, gose, Tripel, Dubbel, Helles, schwarzbier, Irish Red Ale, gueuze, doppelbock, old ale, American lager, steam beer, Vienna lager, cream ale, Altbier, Scotch ale, Trappist beer, Flanders red ale, rye beer, Bière de Garde, Quadrupel, Helles bock, Dortmunder, amber ale, cider, keller beer, Oud Bruin, Kriek lambic, Real ale, German pilsner, and Eisbock to ensure that everyone in the world has their personal beer preference satisfied. Even in the event that you don't like your cup of World Wide Beer, you might be able to get another cup that has a slightly different proportion of mixed beer types and you might like that next cup more. This will ensure that everyone in the world is happy while drinking World Wide Beer because it will not necessarily have a consistent mixed flavor as it sits still in the pit in the floor of the basement.
	+ Once World Wide Beer is implemented, all other forms of alcohol will be illegal.
	+ To implement World Wide Beer in every restaurant, bar, house, and apartment in the world in a timely manner, Josiah and Drew will send people to go door-to-door to every person in the world to confirm whether they have easy access to World Wide Beer, like a census. They will enter the results into Excel, along with the addresses of every person in the world. After sorting the data, they will then send people out to everyone on the planet who does not have access to World Wide Beer to help install the beer pit in their community.
	+ World Wide Beer will be mandatory for every person in the world to drink. Teetotaling will not be allowed anymore.
	+ World Wide Beer will not have a monthly cost for the beer itself, but will rather have a rental system where you rent the cup. You can rent three cups for $9.99 WWD per month, for instance. The honor system will be used to ensure that people do not use Greek yogurt containers in place of World Wide Beer cups.
	+ Drinking and driving will not be an issue once World Wide Beer is implemented, because World Wide Train (noun) will eliminate that concern. There may need to be some limits on how much the gunmen aboard World Wide Train (noun) are allowed to drink, though these restrictions would need to be within reason. Also, since World Wide Beer is stored in basements and not on World Wide Train (noun), passengers and gunmen aboard World Wide Train (noun) will need to come off the train to drink World Wide Beer.
	+ Life will be a utopia after the implementation of World Wide Beer, so every bar will look like a church.

## Devil Play

* Drew played devil by asking if people would be able to scuba dive through the open pit/well of World Wide Beer into other people's houses.
	+ Tom suggested the hole would have to be small enough that people could not fit in it.
	+ Josiah mentioned that it needs to be large enough that Drew cannot fuck it.
	+ Tom pointed out that the size doesn't really matter, because whether there is a grate or an open hole, you will have the issue of people either being unable to put their cup in the hole or being able to put their private parts in World Wide Beer. He suggested they use a tap for World Wide Beer instead of a hole in the ground.
	+ Josiah defended the core idea of dipping a mug into a hole containing still beer, as opposed to using a tap.
	+ Tom then suggested they cover the hole with a toilet. By flushing the toilet, World Wide Beer can come up so you can still dip your cup into it.
	+ Drew felt it would be gross to drink beer out of a toilet.
	+ Tom and Josiah countered that the toilet would be cleaned prior to use.
	+ Drew was still hesitant about the idea.
	+ Josiah suggested a compromise that it be neither toilet nor hole, but rather a World Wide Beer Bidet.
	+ Drew adamantly stated that a bidet is a trickle and he wants to feel his hand splash into a pool of beer.
	+ Josiah and Tom suggested a foot bath or bird bath, both of which Drew rejected in favor of an open pit with an honor system in place to ensure no one scuba dives through it.
* Josiah played devil on Drew's devil to ask about standardizations for each World Wide Beer cellar to be hygienic and have temperatures be the same. He asked how they would prevent the open vat of beer in each facility from getting a layer of swamp-like scum on top of the beer.
	+ Drew suggested they have a vacuum-sealed room inside the basement surrounding the World Wide Beer pit. Each time you go in, you would get scrubbed up and disinfected because of COVID-19, and then you can enter.
* Josiah asked what style of beer World Wide Beer would be, since everyone in the world has a different beer preference.
	+ Tom answered that World Wide Beer would be a mix of lager, ale, pilsner, stout, IPA, witbier, porter, bitter, pale ale, brown ale, bock, dunkel, mild ale, pale lager, lambic, saison, Märzen, barley wine, Kölsch, Berliner Weisse, American pale ale, gose, Tripel, Dubbel, Helles, schwarzbier, Irish Red Ale, gueuze, doppelbock, old ale, American lager, steam beer, Vienna lager, cream ale, Altbier, Scotch ale, Trappist beer, Flanders red ale, rye beer, Bière de Garde, Quadrupel, Helles bock, Dortmunder, amber ale, cider, keller beer, Oud Bruin, Kriek lambic, Real ale, German pilsner, and Eisbock to ensure that everyone in the world has their personal beer preference satisfied. Even in the event that you don't like your cup of World Wide Beer, you might be able to get another cup that has a slightly different proportion of mixed beer types and you might like that next cup more. This will ensure that everyone in the world is happy while drinking World Wide Beer because it will not necessarily have a consistent mixed flavor as it sits still in the pit in the floor of the basement.
	+ While Josiah was satisfied with this answer, Drew overruled them both to state that World Wide Beer would be a single base beer sitting in the pit which would then be modified with flavor packages. The base beer will be something fairly cheap but not really nasty: a nitro stout.
	+ Tom asked to clarify how the flavor enhancers would be packaged.
	+ Drew answered that the flavor enhancers would be in tea bags that get thrown away after sitting in World Wide Beer for a few minutes.
	+ Tom pointed out how much waste this would create and again stated his support for World Wide Beer being a mix of many different beers.
	+ Drew responded that the flavor packages give them something to sell, and Josiah reprimanded Tom for presuming they didn't want to create waste. This waste will later go towards creating a garbage wife for Drew after World Wife took her own life upon her creation and discovering her fate. This will be described in more detail in a future episode.
* Josiah pointed out how expensive the renovations for World Wide Beer will be and asked how they will make it available for low-income communities. He also clarified that the implementation of World Wide Beer would go hand-in-hand with them making all other forms of alcohol illegal.
	+ Tom and Drew agreed in unison that World Wide Beer would be the only form of alcohol legally allowed under the law. All other forms of alcohol will be considered contraband and will be destroyed. Tom suggested they could utilize the equipment from the outlawed breweries to help with the prohibitive cost of implementing World Wide Beer in every restaurant, bar, house, and apartment in the world.
	+ Drew agreed and added that they will go door-to-door to every person in the world to confirm whether they have easy access to World Wide Beer, like a census. They will enter the results into Excel, along with the addresses of every person in the world. After sorting the data, they will then send people out to everyone on the planet who does not have access to World Wide Beer to help install the beer pit in their community.
	+ Tom stated that World Wide Beer should be optional for everyone on the planet, saying that the census spreadsheet should have an additional column for whether the people without access to World Wide Beer would even want World Wide Beer. Part of his argument was that not everyone even drinks, including both Josiah and Drew, who both then stated that they will start drinking as of this episode.
	+ Josiah declared that the implementation of World Wide Beer will mean that there is no teetotaling allowed anymore. It's only fair that everyone in the world must drink World Wide Beer if they're going to go through all the trouble to set it up. He compared this to being a picky eater who does not eat vegetables.
* Josiah asked whether there would be a monthly cost for World Wide Beer after it is set up.
	+ Drew said he believes it should simply be a one-time cost.
	+ Tom, however, suggested that it be a rental system where you rent the cup. You can rent three cups for $9.99 WWD per month, for instance.
	+ Josiah asked how they are to prevent people from using Greek yogurt containers as World Wide Beer cups.
	+ Tom pointed out that it would rely on an honor system so that no one uses a cup that they're not supposed to use.
* Josiah and Tom again spoke out in support of the mixed beer system for World Wide Beer, as opposed to Drew's idea about a base beer enhanced with flavor packages.
	+ Drew relented, agreeing that the central World Wide Beer pit would have all the currently existing beer in the world poured into it, which would then be dispensed to everyone in the world's individual World Wide Beer pits. This will make use of the outlawed beers in the world, since they do not need to be destroyed but rather just poured into the main pit. Drew suggested they pour all the liquor in the world in the pit to make use of that as well.
	+ Josiah agreed but noted that maybe they should only do that on holidays. Bailey's at Christmas, for instance.
	+ Tom suggested they mix up the flavors each month, utilizing pumpkin spice in September and October, candy canes for Christmas, Skittles and chocolate for Easter, gravy at Thanksgiving, etc. Wine and liquor could also be seasonal flavors.
	+ Josiah asked how they would be able to practically make use of seasonal flavorings considering World Wide Beer uses a large pit full of multiple beers. Adding flavoring at the start of a new season would not necessarily guarantee that the flavor is immediately recognizable in the overall taste of World Wide Beer.
	+ Drew and Tom were confident that the seasonal flavoring would travel through World Wide Beer quickly enough that it wouldn't be an issue.
* Josiah asked if it would be OK that some people would drink more World Wide Beer than others.
	+ Drew and Tom confirmed this would be OK since World Wide Beer is self-service.
	+ Josiah reiterated his concern that beer is fermented and World Wide Beer would involve a pit full of still beer in a basement, which could potentially be an issue for slow drinkers.
	+ Tom reasoned that some people might drink slowly, but overall it will balance out since some other people will drink quickly.
	+ Josiah asked if World Wide Beer would start rotting if left for too long.
	+ Drew and Tom reminded Josiah that World Wide Beer will be cold since it is in the ground, which means it will be safe to drink forever.
* Josiah asked what will happen to the more upscale establishments like martini bars once World Wide Beer is implemented.
	+ Tom pointed out that a world with World Wide Beer is a utopia, so everything will be high-end.
	+ Drew stated that everything will look like a church.
	+ Tom agreed, saying they can repurpose old churches, and instead of destroying old breweries, we can simply build around them and make them look like churches where people can meet to drink World Wide Beer together.
	+ Josiah expressed his hope that they at least not look like stuffy churches, but rather that they be cool churches where preachers wear sneakers, for example.
	+ Drew and Tom pushed back on this because he was describing the people in the churches rather than the churches themselves.
	+ Josiah hoped the churches could look like a tech campus.

## Notable Events

* Drew brought in the special guest, Tom, as an advisor for his idea, World Wide Beer. It was revealed in the episode that the idea was actually Tom's after Drew outsourced the creation of the idea to him.
* This episode's Seg-Mind involved breathing in while saying "Yoda", then breathing out while saying "C-3PO". This was repeated multiple times over music from the *Star Wars* soundtrack.
* World Wide Star Wars
* Drew checked Wookieepedia to find any droids that perform sexual services in the *Star Wars* universe.
* World Wide Riff
	+ This is the process by which all Globe Hell Warning listeners can submit good or funny ideas for new projects to the Globe Hell Warning Twitter account, Josiah's Twitter account, and Drew's Twitter account. The best riff might just get discussed in an upcoming episode of the show, and will be rewarded with a $5 WWD Tim Horton's gift card.
	+ This was created in response to Drew outsourcing the idea discussed in this episode to Tom. This is the first time an episode idea has been created by someone besides Josiah or Drew.
* Drew revealed that he has never been to a pub and does not drink. He is going to start drinking as of this episode.
* Josiah broke edge and started drinking as of this episode.
* World Wide Beer Bidet
* World Wide Beer Bird Bath
* Josiah revealed that World Wife took her own life upon her creation and discovering her fate, so they're planning a future episode where they make Drew a new wife out of garbage.
* This episode introduced a new recurring game segment called Drew Or False, in which contestants guess whether something about Drew is "Drew" or false. The first game of Drew Or False was about whether Drew had originally wanted the concept of World Wide Train (noun) to be about running a train worldwide. Drew guessed False but Josiah revealed that it was Drew.
	+ Note: This confusion was brought up by Josiah in Patreon Episode 1 Loco Train in regards to Drew's Find-A-Friend App, which allows people to find a conductor to help them run train with locals in their area.
* Josiah revealed he has alopecia.

## Notable Quotes

### Josiah

* "Drew, shut up and answer."
* "Hey Drew, are you Irish? Because don't Seamus."
* "[In response to Drew saying he had computer issues immediately after looking up sexual droids on Wookieepedia] Sounds like you need some computer tissues, buddy."
* "Let's try not to talk about *Star Wars* anymore maybe I think, just so that Drew doesn't fuck his computer again."
* "Every time I hear someone say '5', I'm gonna now take that to mean 'That means I can talk. That means they wanna hear me talk. When they say 5.'"
	+ Note: This is in reference to people previously saying '5' to spit on Josiah. Josiah is reclaiming 5 for himself as a symbol of his empowerment.
		- Note: This is distinct from Josiah's personal status as a 6 according to Yin And Yang Theory, though the proximity of the numbers could be significant.
* "This episode this week is called Drew's Piss and he wants us to drink his piss. Everyone in the world."
* "I don't have a safe word because I'm officially off the wagon now, so I'm ready to take this night where it leads me. Taking my wedding ring off. I'm ready to go."
* "I'm not worldly. I'm not. Why would I wanna be worldly? I'm heavenly."
* "So you can't have World Wide Beer without a basement? Is that because piss streams downhill?"
* "So lemme play devil on your devil since you're too good for the toilet all of a sudden even though it's where you spend most of your time and where all of your thoughts come from - is from dipping your head in the toilet and soaking up all the toilet stuff is where your thoughts come from."
* "[On the topic of waste] And not to mention my increasing waist due to COVID-19."
* "Pay attention to the spelling of the word as I say it and you'll get the joke."
* "You put candy cane in there on Christmas, it's not gonna show up til Valentine's Day and the only person who associates Valentine's Day with eating leftover candy canes alone is Drew, so that's not gonna work for everyone else."
* "[On the topic of whether Nate Ruess is indie] He's indie DMs with us all the time."
* "They used to say 'The world's a stage', but now turns out 'The world's a pub.'"
* "What does 'suss' mean, Drew?"
* "No cap."
* "I was agreeing with you! I wasn't being sarcastic. I agree. You fucking idiot."
* "[On the topic of him eating shit for dinner] No I'm not. I had that for lunch."
* "Yeah, Tom, thank you so much for coming on the show and making it a lot easier for me to get through this awful awful experience every week. Thank you, and maybe we can talk about if you wanna replace Drew, he's always jacking off all over his keyboard and destroying it every episode and that's why there are so many awkward silences."

### Drew

* "I'm an amateur global warming."
* "Where is the beautiful woman?"
* "3, 2, 1. My turn to talk."
* "[In response to Josiah saying he is heavenly] You're hellly."
* "It's not visceral. A bidet is like a little trickle. Oh Josiah, a little trickle? No, I wanna feel my hand splash into a pool of beer."
* "Well guess where the stuff in the toilet comes from. It comes from your ass."
* "I don't find any of Josiah's jokes funny."
* "[In response to Josiah saying he's never heard of pumpkin spice] Tom, he's a fuckin' idiot."
* "I'll get on Discord and suck on a candy cane with some friends."
* "Don't try and get out of this by being cute, Josiah."
* "Such a dumbass, Josiah. What do you know about God?"
* "Eat shit, Josiah."
* "You know what? You're probably having shit for dinner."
* "[On the topic of Josiah eating shit for lunch] You ate your own brains for lunch? Cause you have shit for brains, stupid?"
* "[On the topic of whether it's healthy to eat shit] No it's - your body takes all the nutrients out and it just leaves the shit."

### Tom

* "You're not gonna bully me like you might have some of your other guests. Some less famous guests."
	+ Note: This was a veiled criticism of author and train genius James Wilt, who was the guest on Episode 1: World Wide Train.
* "[In response to Drew leading him and Josiah down a trapdoor behind the bar and crawling down into the cellar] Huh, wonder if that's the last thing quite a few people heard."
* "I don't think you need to play devil on this really good idea. There is no devil that exists on this idea."
* "3, 4, 5, 6. Drew, Josiah's talking now."
* "I thought that was just the cum that gets dumped from the train, not just waste."
* "[On the topic of Josiah and Drew having not yet done an episode on waste] Oh you've wasted plenty of time on some of these episodes."
* "To be fair, that's also - eating candy canes alone is sort of a year-round thing for Drew."
* "Well, some people are desperate for attention."
	+ Note: This was a not-so-veiled criticism of Mr. Worldwide Nate Ruess, who was the guest on Episode 12: World Wide Anthem Featuring Mr. Worldwide Nate Ruess..

## Trivia

* This is the third episode to feature a guest, who was world famous streamer and creator of Chapo Trap House Podcast Tom.
* This is the second episode to include the guest's name in the episode title.
* Drew can be heard beating off several times at the beginning of the episode.
* This is the first episode idea to be created by someone besides Josiah or Drew because Drew outsourced the creation of the idea to Tom.