Wilbur: Fish Out of Water/Transcript

## Prologue/Undersea Kingdom

* Ernie: [humming but notices the audience] Hi there everybody! Welcome to the movie! Hey, You're so glad to came!
* Someone in the audience: Not even a minute in and he’s broken the lame-o-meter.
* Ernie: Now this movie...
* Bert: Ernie!
* Ernie: (losing patience) Shut up, Bert, I’m trying to introduce the dang movie!
* Bert: Listen, Ernie. I'm going to take a swimming lesson. Have you seen my swimsuit?
* Ernie: Uh, no Bert. I haven't. Try checking in your laundry basket.
* Bert: Oh.
* Ernie: Now, this movie you're about to see is all about Wilbur. And the movie will also be introducing our newest friend. Can you guess who?
* Someone in the audience: A gorilla.
* Ernie: No. That's silly. Come the bleep on guys, the title is literally Fish Out of Water.
* Someone in the audience: A bear.
* Someone in the audience: A total loser.
* Someone in the audience: Blue?
* Someone in the audience: Mermaidman?
* Ernie: (frustrated sigh) Oh, for crying out loud, I'll give you a hint. This animal has no legs, and it can swim with their fins.
* Audience: A fish.
* Ernie: Yes. A fish. And this fish's name in the movie is "Ed Red".
* Someone in the audience: What the heck kind of name is Ed Red?
* Ernie: Look, I don’t like the name either, but I’m only doing this crappy movie for a paycheck.
* Bert: Who are you talking to?
* Ernie: The audience, Bert. They're right there.
* Bert: Huh?
* Ernie: See?
* Bert: [gasps] Wow, look at all of those people! Some of them even have pitchforks and torches! Hey, nice cardigan. [laughs with Ernie]
* Someone in the audience: Thanks, I’m planning on burning it.
* Ernie: Now, in this movie, both Wilbur and Ed are going to need your help. They want you to save the world from Ed's evil dad.
* Someone in the audience: If Ed’s evil dad’s name ends up being terrible, then I’m out.
* Bert: Uh, how do we start?
* Ernie: It's easy. Just count backwards from 10.
* Bert: Okay!
* Ernie: You see, Bert. That's how you start a movie, Bert.
* Bert: Oh!
* Ernie: Can you all help us count backwards from 10?
* Audience: No!
* Ernie: Well, you’re all doing it anyway, so roll out! [The screen shows a film countdown]
* Everyone: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. [The screen changes to a underwater place]
* Ernie: Hey, uh, Bert? Don't you think you’re going to put some clothes on now?
* Bert: What? [notices he's still naked] Aahh!! Aaahhh!!! Ernie! [runs off]
* Ernie: [giggles] Enjoy the movie, everybody. Or not.

## The Beginning/Opening Credits

* Paramount Pictures and Universal Presents
* A Nickelodeon Production
* "Wilbur: Fish Out of Water"

## Ed Red Gets Caught

* French Narrator: Meanwhile…
* Cardigan: Do you see a starfish? Where?
* (Cursor clicks the g-d starfish).
* Wilbur: Yeah! (hooting) Starfish, starfish. Look, Cardi, It's shaped like a star.
* Templeton: Hence why it’s called a starfish, you silly neener head!

## Late For School

* Templeton: You’re not supposed to take the fish out of water!
* CinemaSins: Roll credits. (ding)
* Templeton: Because if you do that, then he’ll reverse drown!
* Cardigan: Hey Wilbur, you wanna get a bucket to carry your fish?
* Templeton: Boi, that ain’t your fish.
* Wilbur: A bucket! Yeah, yeah, yeah!
* Cardigan: It's in my backpack. I need your help, Templeton.
* Templeton: Well, obviously, you’re gonna make me do it, because you’re just too dang lazy.
* Cardigan: Will you check my backpack for something we can fill with water?
* Templeton: Boi, that ain’t your backpack either.
* Cardigan: You have to say "backpack!"
* Wilbur: Say backpack, say backpack!
* Templeton: Backpack!!! Jesus!
* **Backpack:** *Backpack, Backpack!*
* *Backpack, Backpack!*
* *I'm the backpack loaded up*
* *with things and nick-knacks too*
* *Anything that you might need*
* *I got inside for you.*
* *Backpack, Backpack!*
* *Backpack, Backpack!*
* *Yeah!*
* Hola you fat ugly losers, I have lots of stuff, but Wilbur wants to find something he can fill with water to carry the fish. (points to a grenade) Can they fill this with water? (points to a Louis Sachar book) Can they fill this with water? Oops, that has holes. (Puff Mama of the Bad Punz plays a rimshot)
* Puff Mama: Well, someone had to do it.
* Patrick: Holes, holes!
* SpongeBob: Conehead!
* Patrick: Yellow!
* SpongeBob: Pink!
* Ernie: (enraged) Oops doesn’t mean no, you little s—
* (Technical differences screen)
* Backpack: Can they fill this with water? (Cursor clicks the bucket) Yes, he can fill a pail with water to carry the fish. Good thinking. Muy bien! Now take it and get out of my face. (puts all the items in Backpack.) Yum yum yum yum yum yum! Delicioso!
* **Cardigan**: Thanks!

## End Credits

* (Seinfeld theme starts playing)
* Directed by my baby teeth
* Written by my kidney stones
* Storyboards by the assassin of Farmer Zuckerman (but that’s a story for another time)
* Edited by Pony Bramley
* Narrated by Diddy Kong
* Layout by Dil Pickles
* Camerawork by Jon Arbuckle
* Based very loosely on the fanfics by Patchy the Pirate
* Catering by Eugene Krabs
* Songs by Justin Bieber
* Starring Wilbur
* Cardigan
* Ed Red
* Ned Red
* Donna Red
* Backpack
* Map
* Someone’s cable provider
* Templeton
* Gwen
* An elderly Walmart greeter
* Biggie Cheese
* Drew Pickles
* Puff Mama
* Background Fish #10637
* Little Flounder
* Bert
* Ernie
* Do you want Paramount Global to sue you for adding in these last three characters?
* Charlotte
* Oh wait, that’s right! >:)
* lol
* bruh
* Geodude’s PNG legs
* One day, Cardigan wore a cardigan. The end.
* Bubbles Martin
* 666
* A mule
* 2000s Nickelodeon
* Why is there a sequel to the old Charlotte’s Web movie? The original book never got a sequel!
* The Battle Frontier Project Has Started!
* Liberty Mutual commercials are awful
* The Nightmare Before Christmas isn’t that great of a movie.
* Baby Tubb is stuck, Babysitter!
* Sponge on the Run
* TLH
* Piggly Wiggly
* Crying screaming throwing up
* Qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm
* Sigh…
* Pumpkin Fun Kitty
* Bah bah
* Nickelodeon please stop overplaying the same movies over and over again
* Wilbur: Fish out of Water was rented once from Redbox. The copy was returned on time.
* Seinfeld theme song
* :)
* T\_T
* Okay, wow. That's rough. We can't find what you're looking for. Let's try again.
* Together.
* As a team.
* These credits are the only good part of this movie
* Remember when Frozen was freaking everywhere?
* I love the smell of new Pokémon cards
* Queer Duck The Movie
* No animals were harmed during the making of this movie, but Wilbur stabbed someone backstage.
* Well that’s it, gotta run
* Sorry for wasting your time
* Dummy