Don't Drink Bleach

"*I know everybody says you're not supposed to drink bleach, but what if I told you it was medicine? Yeah, would you do it then? I bet you would.*"
―Erik
Don't Drink Bleach is the 100th lesson of Internet Comment Etiquette and the first lesson about drinking bleach, followed by The Clorox Plan. It was released on July 24, 2019.

## Summary

Erik talks about the wine that he's drinking, but then he starts to wonder if his students would drink bleach. He explains that Jim Humble would, and then he walks over to the new Etiquesette. It's not constructed yet and Robot is just a pile of scraps, so Erik goes to the greenscreen and makes it look like the old greenscreen. Then Lady Hair Erik gets upset when Erik tells him that Rip Torn died.

Erik asks his students not to drink bleach, but then he looks to the side camera and suggests that they do. He reads an article about a mother feeding her autistic daughter bleach and finds someone vigorously defending the mother in the comments. The comment section is closed, so Erik can't join the conversation. But comments are always enabled somewhere, so Erik finds the article on Facebook and leaves a comment there as Todd Clorox. Next Erik watches a video of Jim Humble explaining how to make bleach with a legally dubious disclaimer.

Meanwhile, present day Erik is editing the video and notices that the audio is suddenly garbled. Alexa explains that Erik is so sweaty that he filled his own microphone with sweat and it stopped working. Erik insists that he wasn't even that sweaty, but then he sees footage of himself using his sweat towel while singing about his sweat towel. Alexa is shocked that Erik didn't die of dehydration, but since she's always recording him she has backup audio for him.

Jim Humble starts saying some crazy stuff about injecting bleach into veins and cows muscles and Erik gets confused. The video ends, but then Humble comes back to show that there's a fan just off screen. Erik leaves a comment to reach out to the bleach-drinkers and bring them over to his side. He successfully convinces people to stop drinking bleach, but he wants to learn more about Jim Humble. Erik finds Humble's email address and sends him a question about bleach.

Erik goes to Precious Organics and reads an article about putting bleach in your eyes. He goes to their Facebook page and Todd Clorox demands to know where their MMS content is. Some of his students still aren't convinced, so Erik finds another Jim Humble video. Humble says that real medicine has killed 500,000 people while MMS hasn't killed anyone. Then Erik looks at several articles about MMS hurting and killing people. Erik decides to mix it up a bit and write haikus for Humble.

Erik runs an ad for a bunch of bleach products on the Neon Grizzly store and finally gets a new Etiquesette. Alexa explains that Erik didn't stop anyone from drinking bleach, but did convince several people to start drinking bleach. This makes Todd Clorox happy.

## Comments

*Hey guys Todd Clorox here, I just wanted to say that this article is fucking bullshit. Don't listen to their lies, listen to Todd! Todd Clorox! Hey next time you're at your local grocery store, check out the BLEACH aisle for our brand new flavors like "peachberry surprise" and "prison food," the latter of which you're gonna want to get used to especially if you're feedin bleach to your kids. Oops gotta go I just heard my dog sneeze in the other room so I better go feed him some god DAMN BLEACH.*
- Todd Clorox

*Why would anyone take health advice from a guy who looks like he died 20 years ago? This is the same chemical Ted Cruz wipes down his crime scenes with to get rid of blood, and you people want to inject that into your veins and kids and cows and shit. But sure I'm the crazy one because I trust doctors over Indiana Jones' senile hippie grandpa here. Listen, I could drive railroad spikes through my dick and balls and say it cures hiccups, and maybe it does somehow but you're still annihilating your dick and balls in the process, much like how you people are annihilating whatever you have left of your stomach lining by drinking the same chemical I put in my pool to clean out all the jizz these gay frogs keep shooting all over each other in there. In conclusion you people are stupid as shit, don't drink bleach.*
- Erik

*INVITATION TO JOIN BBTV**HELP I FED MY BABY TOO MUCH BLEACH NOW HE'S NOT BREATHING, HOW MUCH BLEACH SHOULD I FEED HIM TO BRING HIM BACK FROM THE DEAD UNTIL I CAN GET HIM BAPTISED AND THEN RIGHT AWAY START FEEDING HIM BLEACH AGAIN CAUSE I WANT HIM TO GO TO HEAVEN, NOT HELL. GOD BLESS YOU JIM HUMBLE, YOU OLD DUMB FUCK*
- Todd Clorox

*Oh hey Precious Organics it's me, Todd Clorox. Precious Organics what happened to all of your MMS articles huhhh? I'm talkin about your guides on how to put MMS in your eyeballs and your kids and your grandmas and your dogs and your veeiiiins. Where did you put that CONTENT PRECIOUS
ORGANICS I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND IT...... and i wanna find iiit. I want those articles precious organics I wanna print them out and read them and follow their directions so that I can stay clean I'm TODD CLOROX THE CLOROX MAN WITH THE CLOROX PLANNNNN. I NEED TO PUT BLEACH IN MY BUTT BEFORE I CAN GO TO SLEEP OR ELSE ALL THE BUGS ARE GONNA FIND MY MAN MUD AND MAKE A HOME IN IT. Precious Organics pleaaase tell me where the articles are I need them why would you take them down? Is it because bleach is bad for you? You would tell me if it was bad for me right, precious ORGANICSSSSSUUHHHH BLEHBLEHBLHEB BLEZBFLSEHSF BLYAOWEIAJWE BPASOR**B:ALJIRBGV;IWEJRB;OAJGAWSDGFASGF*
- Todd Clorox

*This man is so old,
I can smell him through my screen.
Like bleach and diapers**Ride or die for Jim.
By drinking his poison cure,
You chose ride AND die.**Doctors must love him
For all the poisoned victims
He's sending their way.**If cows had voices
They would me too this old bitch.
Instead they just scream**I would hate to know
What your kids did in past lives
To be cursed with you.**So in conclusion,
Jim Humble can suck my dick.
Please stop drinking bleach.*
- Erik

## Video

```

```