Robin Williams vs Lucille Ball

**Robin Williams vs Lucille Ball** is the unofficial installment of the *Slightly Disappointing Rap Battles of History*. It features the famous stand-up comedian, Robin Williams, rapping against the *I Love Lucy* star, Lucille Ball. It was released on June 21, 2016.

## Lucille Ball

Oh my! Is it time to rap? Well, Let’s give it a whirl!

It’s the Dork from Ork vs. the Vitameatavegamin girl!

Comedy is the best medicine, unless Patch Adams is prescribing it!

I’ll smack you like a Stone Pillow with the disses I spit!

Robin, Look Who’s Laughing… Exactly! Nobody.

Because being funny isn’t your cup of tea.

We're both in the hall of fame, but i'm the real star.

I don't even know why you're rapping, it's truly bizarre.

But Robin, darling, It’s certainly not your fault…

That the only way you could win is by default! (OH!)

## Robin Williams

Good Morning, Vietnam! But it's a bad day for you

When I end Lucy's Life and show her the Secret of the Tomb

Goldwynning against this Girl; Don't Doubt that I spit Fire

Death made your career diminish, it just made my fame rise higher

Your comedy's not the best medicine, I'll always spit sick

I'm legendary! Do you Dr. Know who you're dealing with?

Even in death, I'm still the best comedian of all time

And I won't need raw spinach to find the strength to deck this slime

If looks could kill, you wouldn't beat me 'till you hired a beautician!

For you, being funny is an Impossible Mission! (Ooh)

I'll run you over with my verbal RV!

I'm Untouchable! You can't stand-up to my comedy!

This has-been can't do Absolutely Anything against me!

I'm the best in the business, but nobody Loves Lucy!

I'm the Man of the Year, you're just a sack of shazbot!

You cannot step to me; I'm the comedy genre's mascot!

## Lucille Ball

You're right, I'm not funny. What I am is brave.

This isn’t the only time you’ve dug your own grave.

I Nanu Na-knew it’ll be easy to beat you!

I mean, seriously, you were in Ferngully 2! (Ooh)

I’ll give John Keating a hell of a beating.

But he isn’t the only one I’m defeating.

Don’t let this rub you the wrong way, but you aren’t free

You’ll still answer some wishes, Genie, but only for me.

## Robin Williams

Take back those raps and let me induct you into the Dead Poets Society

You're forgettable, because the world's Never Had a Friend Like Me

My fame's exalting to no end; I'm towering over you

I'll take this black-and-white novice and turn her black and blue

You don't need to be a comedian, you're a joke on your own!

You're practically unknown, I'm known across the Golden Globe!

You gave it your best shot but, as for your raps, all I can say

Is that your talent went missing and ditched the five and eight!

## Lucille Ball

Oh, Robin, what can you do to me? People love Lucy!

Much unlike people like you in your second movies. (Ooh!)

Your style's so old, it belongs with Teddy Roosevelt!

If comedy was karate, I’d have a damn black belt! (Hyah!)

## Robin Williams

Comedy… What a concept, that you can’t understand!

Your World According to Garp, is boring! And bland! (Oh!)

So, Lucy, here’s one last tip, that you certainly mustn't lose.

Comedy won’t act out modernism, so what’ll you do?