CynicalCJ

**Cynical Reviews**, also known as **Cynical CJ**, or just **CJ**, is a recurring guest on EFAP. He also runs The Great British Podcast alongside Cynic Snacks and the Blessed Pipeman. He is one of the other animals on EFAP along with Wolf and Rags.

## Physical Appearance

CJ is a dog in a suit, with black fur and a white muzzle.

In his human form, CJ looks a little like Rian Johnson. He also looks like Matt from Full Fat Videos, who looks kind of like Obi-Wan Kenobi, though CJ does not look like Obi-Wan, and Matt does not look like Rian Johnson.

CJ also sounds like a male version of the Insider host.

## History

### **vs Cosmonaut Variety Hour on *Spider-Man***

CJ's first appearance was on EFAP 12, where he joined MauLer and Rags to take a look at the Cosmonaut Variety Hour's video on Sam Raimi's *Spider-Man* trilogy. The lot of them had recently rewatched the titular trilogy so to be aptly prepared, and reported that besides the third film it still holds up, and in contrast to the claim of "Worse Than You Remember," *Spider-Man 2* was actually *better* than they had remembered. With mixed reports from chat claiming the video was actually just a joke, the gang had to take the CinemaSins approach and address each point first as though it were sincere and then as though it were a joke.

When Cosmonaut criticized Harry introducing his father to Peter by his full name, CJ pointed out that it was partially because Norman is a public figure and is well-known in the field Peter himself is interested in, and similarly pointed out that the teacher he criticized for sounding whispered and aggressive was chastising students for not keeping their voices down. CJ and the gang did agree with Cosmo that Norman saying "ooh, iss cold" when the metal touches him was hilarious, and similarly agreed with him praising the pacing, finding the back-and-forth between Peter's and Norman's stories to be very "classic." They also agreed with his praise of J K Simmons as J Jonah Jameson, though Cosmo describing him as "legitimately funny" further confused the thesis of the video by raising the question of if the other things he found funny were less than legitimate. When the quality of the CGI came up CJ asked how much better they could have done at the time, but Cosmo got out ahead of that counter by saying even people at the time found it bad, citing Roger Ebert (Chat later pointed out that Roger Ebert also called *Spider-Man 2* one of the best superhero movies ever made), which Rags pointed out would go against the "worse than you remember" label if people *already* found it bad initially. When Cosmo found it weird that MJ tried to recreate the upside-down kiss from the first film with her new boyfriend, CJ countered that that's hot. Broadly speaking, they did find themselves in agreement with most of his points about *Spider-Man 3*, though even that left them wondering whether the criticisms of the other two films were meant to be taken as seriously as of the third.

## Trivia

* He hates fat people (since they can vote twice) and makes fun of ones with bad personalities.
* Loves turning nobs, up and down, all around.
* He's not edgy like Wolf.
* Plays DnD, named dog after Rags

## Quotes

* "She makes him kiss her, like Spider-Man kissed her in the first movie. What if your girlfriend went up to you and was like, 'hey, can you kiss me like this one guy used to kiss me?'"
"Well she doesn't say that, does she? And, you know what, I think it was hot, so..."
- Cosmonaut Variety Hour and CJ, EFAP 12
* "Would any of you be interested in having CJ come on for this video?"
"I don't care"
- MauLer and Metal, EFAP 49