recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
Episode 228

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 Previous Episode

   Pete meets one of his heroes and Sebastian has a disturbing time at the doctor in this hilarious episode!

## Topics discussed

* Pete spends a whirlwind evening meeting Billy Joel and dining with Chaz Palminteri
* Sebastian goes to a Hollywood doctor with long hair, has a great experience save for his own underwhelming presentation
* The guys are gearing up for their participation in the montreal comedy festival.
* Pete’s family trip to Wet & Wild Waterpark leaves him disappointed in his fellow humans
* Sebastian however, is surprised at the caliber of individual at the San Diego Comic Con
* Sebastian gets the most expensive haircut of his life, while Pete gets a touch-up in the kitchen sink.

## Quotes from the episode

* Pete: I promised myself I wasn’t gonna say “Big Fan…” and then I opened with it.
* Pete: What a gesture! I was moved!
* Pete: I think Billy Joel could sense that he was in the presence of his biggest fan in the world…Kevin James: “The whole room could sense that.”
* Sebastian: He went in for a checkup…they told him he’s got 3 days to live!
* Sebastian: We nicknamed him “Hot Doc”
* Pete: It doesn’t matter, if I do or not, that thing, guy. Don’t worry about it.
* Pete: Alright man, we goin’ down cumdump alley right now?
* Sebastian: I take down my pants and my dick is the smallest I’ve ever seen it.
* Sebastian: When I saw it, I almost had to apologize.
* Sebastian: I fill it up to the top, had a nice head on it.
* Pete: It’s a skirt of hanging skin all around his feet
* Pete: Where do you live, dude?
* Pete: I thought you’d at least say, maybe you should donate them to kids with small dicks, cause that seems to be a bigger concern of yours.
* Pete: 95% of the time I looked at my father as a child, he was in a suit!
* Pete: Maybe she’s stunning, and she’s just like “You earned it, baby"
Episode 2

Runtime
 Previous Episode

## Topics discussed

* Pete skipped his wife's friend's annual 4th of July part on Lake Erie, missed a shirtless Rob "The Gronk" Gronkowski, hammock sleeping
* Pete asks Sebastian about the prospects of his father selling his sperm to breed more comedians with his talent level
* Live clip from Pete's show regarding ass-grabbing
* Sebastian tells the story of visiting his Lana's family in North Carolina; preparing to ask the family for her hand in marriage and requisite shedding of tears
* "This is gonna get emotional" crying interlude by DJ Lou
* Russians have moved in next door to Pete's "porn den"; bringing with them a pet rabbit, outdoor couch, blankets and kitty litter on the roof.
* A discussion of aversion to jumping another's car, Sebastian's concerns about contagious car problems.
* Pete tests out Sebastian's acting chops on a barber monologue cold read.
* Don't call Sebastian's Dad a barber, he's a hairstylist.
* Sebastian is getting friendly with John Legend, attends a pool party and brings a bottle of Grey Goose, unaware Legend is sponsored by the vodka and gets free product
* Pete tells a story about partying with John Mayer and committing a social faux-pas.

## Quotes from the episode

* Sebastian: "And now the tears start coming..." Pete: "From you? Unbelievable."
* Pete: "You've been meaning to talk to her all week, but you've been too busy sleeping with her daughter downstairs to come upstairs and ask if you could marry her...too."
* Pete: "I am most likely making love to my wife in the same room that Ron Jeremy banged chicks in."
Episode 209

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 Previous Episode

Sebastian reveals the iconic actor who will play his sitcom father and Pete delivers an ode to The Walking Dead!

## Topics discussed

* Sebastian just got out of a float tank
* Also up on the cleanse
* Sebastian underwhelmed with Hawaii, Pete not into the Hawaiians
* A successful businessman gives Sebastian his autobiography, Pete is unimpressed.
* Sebastian tells the story of talking to Tony Danza on the phone
* Pete learns of direct messages on Twitter
* Pete has submitted his audition to Sebastian’s show, with impressive production values
* Pete experiences the singular greatest 1 hour television experience of his life
* Pete’s wife refuses to see if "the dog will come out of the doghouse"
* Pretty Berg Amburg from the Comedians book stabbing Milton Burle

## Quotes from the episode

* Sebastian: We’ve got a guest?" Pete: "Yeah, a six pack of blue moon!"
* Pete: "I don’t like you, right now. I don’t like this guy. Way too Tony Robbins for me."
* Pete: "I’m not really into the Hawaiians, man."
* Sebastian: "Can you believe this is happening?!"
* Sebastian: "What do you think the second greatest show of all time is?" Pete: "Shit, Magnum PI"
* Pete: "I’m covered in the guts with them, Bro!"
* Pete: "Imagine if I died, and I still had 2 episodes of TWD left, I’d be so pissed!"
* Pete: "Give a little rub, see if the doggy comes out of the doghouse!"
* Pete: "It’s like my Beethoven!" (listening to “Big T" Trump speak for him)
Nickel

nickel won toy bash season 1 he was the only that didn't receive a vote or get eliminated because cherry rejoined he also the team captain of famous nickels friends with coin slider tire big bullet enemies arch enemy power fuse clawy cherry greeen crayon and a1 he also has nickel adventures hes show and the power fuse and nickel show hes the only character with 2 show not including toy bash
Episode 412

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 Previous Episode

## Episode description

Pete prepares to go under the knife and Sebastian becomes a Zoomedian!

## Topics discussed

* The guys are recording video again for this cast, this page will be updated with it once posted.
* Sebastian is starting to do corporate gigs over Zoom and Pete thinks this can start applying to more types of events.
* The guys discuss their personal mask style.
* Netflix documentary on Jeffrey Epstein brings up the discussion of owning an island.
* Sebastian is going back into chef mode and Pete is appalled at people shucking their own corn in Walmart.

## Quotes from the episode

* Pete: “By the time my kid gets back to school I’m like ‘Bring a pillow, cause it’s going to take 7 months for all those other fucking meatballs to catch up…’”
* Sebastian: “I’m a Zoomedian!”
* Pete: “I am so self-conscious, are you laughing at what I said or are you laughing at me?” Sebastian: “No, I’m laughing at…man you’ve been taking too many hits this morning.”
* Pete: “Yeah, anybody who gets a custom mask, they’re showing me who they are bro.”
* Pete: “Even she knows, when you’re on nice grass you take your flip flops off!”

## Tags

Coronavirus, COVID-19, pandemic, quarantine, video, running, Jackie, friend, hair knots, Sadie, home school, gigs, corporate, funeral, spray paint, curtain, fumes, restaurants, hair salons, mask, style, EKG, chest hair, gloves, pitch, show, Sebastian Says, Netflix, Jeffrey Epstein, David Spade, cooking, food, Lana, Walmart, corn, elbow bump, JJ Watt, holdout
Episode 192

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 Previous Episode

Boats, planes, and giving back!

## Topics discussed

* The guys continue to impress themselves with the technical prowess required in delivering a sea-to-land recording.
* Pete suggests a weekly presidential announcement to address keep human behavior, with example of take-away buffet food in the ship cabins.
* More ship behavior reports: Pete avoids a drug test, records a verbal exchange with security, insults children in the pool.
* Not to brag, but Sebastian hitched a final ride on the Oddball Comedy Festival private jet, despite an amateurish car ride to the airport involving a Garmin GPS.
* Sebastian engages the pilots of the private jet, ends up flying the plane and aspiring to join the Navy.
* Sebastian is ready for Manarios but Pete wants to wait for a land-to-land connection.
* Pete and Jackie go to an ice bar on the boat.
* A discussion of the NY Mets and their chances for the World Series.
* Pete removes the cover of Mens Health magazine so as not to be made uncomfortable by a shirtless JJ Watt.
* Watt's turn as Batman inspires Sebastian to question his own charitable contributions

## Quotes from the episode

* Jimmy from Boston: "You're like one healthy deuce and garden salad away from having the body of a young James Van Der Beek."
* Pete: "The fact that we're opening with ship talk and I'm the voice of the ship...we just do what we do and we get the hell off."
* Pete: "You look like a FOOL in here. You look like a FOOL!" (to a child in the kiddie pool)
* Pete: "We got one rule: don't jump off. See ya Saturday."
* Sebastian: "We're the only show that says 'thank you' to no-names."
* Sebastian: "Unless it was you, I woulda said 'WHEELS UP!'"
* Pete: "I have to go upstairs and entertain...children. They bring em to the 7:00 show it's ridiculous."
Episode 173

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 Previous Episode

Pete offends a body builder and Sebastian makes a life-changing decision!

## Topics discussed

* Sebastian is wiped out from his flight with an unruly child
* A discussion on the oversensitivity of society in general
* Pete begins his marathon flight by calling out a fellow passenger for cutting, splashes coffee all over a body builder.

## Quotes from the episode

* Pete: "You got your whole bar there. Do you have enough? Do you have enough to drink there?"
* Sebastian: "You got a head of hear that just won't quit."
* Pete: "There's a man about to board this plane."
* Flight attendant: "You waking yourself up in there?"
* Pete: "It's all rolling off the tongue. Beautiful black baby, good gay dads."
Episode 170

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 Previous Episode

Pete's Showtime special happened, Sebastian had a sleep over at the NFL's defensive player of the year's house, and they play "Man-arios!" Those are scenarios that a man should be able to deal with...

## Topics discussed

* Pete recaps his Showtime special performance
* Sebastian completes his week at J.J. Watt's house, ready to try out for the NFL now.
* An organized crime figure in witness protection attends Sebastian's Houston show.
* Sebastian attends an American Idol taping
* Connetquot High School honors Pete in the visual arts hall of fame.
* Man-arios! Big rig stick shift, deep diving, flag pole, cigarette, gift for dead friend, psycho home invader, bank robbery hostage, siphon gasoline.
* 6-minute edit of Pete's "embarrassing grammar" by DJ Lou.

## Quotes from the episode

* Pete: "I just seeded the lawn...if the mob do come here, they better use the sidewalk."
* Pete: "You got a bat up there?" Sebastian: "No, but I'm gonna get one after this story."
* Pete: "I'm out, but I will turn to the pregnant lady and lip the word, 'Sorry.'"
* J.J. Watt: "Not during meals." (re: photos)
Jimmy from Boston

The show begins each week with a voicemail message from Jimmy from Boston. His brash delivery masks what is often an insightful, poignant critique of the previous show's events.

Beginning with Episode 511, DJ Lou and Jimmy from Boston were unceremoniously relieved of their duties, leading to fan backlash and eventual reinstatement in Episode 513. On the first call of 2023 (Episode 534), Jimmy announced he was "hanging up the phone."

"As you know, after 10 years and over 500 shows, old JFB has decided it is time to hang up the phone! It has been an absolute honor and a privilege, not to mention a damn blast being allowed to bust your balls all these years,
and I appreciate being part of the best fuckin' cast on the planet! But I appreciate the friendships we formed even more! Especially my buddy DJ Lou, that baldheaded beauty!
But just like my man Watt, and I hate to outshine you here, JJ, but I feel it's time I retire this hall of fame career as well.
But you boys know I'm never more than just a phone call away, so you better conduct yourselves like gentlemen - because as you know, I never say goodbye. Just LAYTAAA."
Episode 256

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 Previous Episode

Sebastian finds the perfect "service" and Pete stops asking famous people for pictures.

## Quotes from the episode

* Is there any BS fad that you won’t partake in?
* I’ll tell ya what you need to cup. You need to cup your balls and make sure they haven’t abandoned you!
* It’s like making love with a hooker and she’s whispering in our ear that we’re her favorite, but…I don’t know guy.
* 6:00 Mary Poppins
* I get a chance to spend more money?! Do tell!
* I’m surprised a guy who is yelling at pilots on an airplane ….is not going downstairs after somebody shit in the room, to complain.
* That’s disgusting…but kinda funny for the cast.
* They look like they’re in their pajamas!
* We’re gettin’ future fish!
Accesories

* AKATSUKI
* GHOST
* ANGEL
* SAGE
* CN-Ice
* Lunar
* Ryujin
* Flame
* CN-Tanabata
* R1
* R2

**AKATSUKI ACCESSORIES**
Rating: Pink
Source:Event

**Enhancement:** No

**Enhancement Attribute:** Depends on the Accessory

**Upgrade:** No

**Set Bonus**

**GHOST ACCESSORIES**
Rating: Pink
Source:Event

**Enhancement:** No

**Enhancement Attribute:** Depends on the Accessory

**Upgrade:** No

**Set Bonus**

**ANGEL ACCESSORIES**
Rating: Pink
Source:Event

**Enhancement:** No

**Enhancement Attribute:** Depends on the Accessory

**Upgrade:** No

**Set Bonus**

**SAGE ACCESSORIES**
Rating: Pink
Source:Event

**Enhancement:** No

**Enhancement Attribute:** Depends on the Accessory

**Upgrade:** No

**Set Bonus**

**ICE CN ACCESSORIES**
Rating: Pink
Source:Event

**Enhancement:** No

**Enhancement Attribute:** Depends on the Accessory

**Upgrade:** No

**Set Bonus**

**English Host Lunar ACCESSORIES**
Rating: Pink
Source:Event

**Enhancement:** No

**Enhancement Attribute:** Depends on the Accessory

**Upgrade:** No

**Set Bonus**

**English Host Ryujin ACCESSORIES**
Rating: Pink
Source:Event

**Enhancement:** No

**Enhancement Attribute:** Depends on the Accessory

**Upgrade:** No

**Set Bonus**

**English Host Flame ACCESSORIES**
Rating: Pink
Source:Event

**Enhancement:** No

**Enhancement Attribute:** Depends on the Accessory

**Upgrade:** No

**Set Bonus**

**CN Host Tanabata ACCESSORIES**
Rating: Pink
Source:Event

**Enhancement:** No

**Enhancement Attribute:** Depends on the Accessory

**Upgrade:** No

**Set Bonus**

**R1 ACCESSORIES**
Rating: Pink
Source:Event

**Enhancement:** Yes

**Enhancement Attribute:** Depends on the Accessory

**Upgrade:** Yes

**Set Bonus**

Aforge+13%
Aforge+20%
Aforge+18%

**R2 ACCESSORIES**
Rating: Pink
Source:Event

**Enhancement:** Yes

**Enhancement Attribute:** Depends on the Accessory

**Upgrade:** Yes

**Set Bonus**

Aforged+15%
Aforged+25%
Aforged+25%

Agi: Ghost (Avoid 10%)
Power: Akatsuki (Aid 15%), Sage (Avoid 10%)
Episode 391

Runtime
 Previous Episode

## Episode description

Sebastian gets aggravated on his flight, Pete sneaks naps, and both guys contemplate the consequences of imaginary cheating.

## Topics discussed

* Sebastian has a passenger constantly opening the shade on a flight and tells the tale of a disrespectful passenger wanting to switch seats.
* Pete encounters a strict TSA agent and snaps to get his license back, which was not well received.
* Pete is sneaking naps in the writer’s room by using paper to shield his face and fake looking out of the window.
* Pete wants to assure his father in law that he has never cheated, and Sebastian thinks it’s a bad idea. More cheating topics are discussed.
* The listeners helped Fredonia get $500,000 and Pete receives a thankful letter from the county area Chamber of Commerce head. Sebastian wonders if Pete’s street can be renamed Correale Avenue.

## Quotes from the episode

* Sebastian: “61 times he opened the drape, I counted.” Pete: “Bro, the only thing more bizarre than him doing that is the fact that you fucking counted.”
* Pete: “You’re waiting for this sack of shit to come back. You know you gotta get up again at some fucking point…Until that happens, I know there’s gonna be an interruption in my mini-living room.”
* Pete: “I am three feet away from a guy in a Darth Vader mask and I’m eating a fucking cupcake and I’m like ‘One of us is a dummy right now, I don’t know who it is yet.’”
* Pete: “It’s been a little bit longer than most people take to look at my license. He’s doing the up and down, up and down, like there’s a Mohammed somewhere in my name.”
* Sebastian: “By the way, what does DJ Hank look like?” Pete: “Oh bro, now you’re making me do improv? He’s got a full head of hair, he doesn’t smoke cigarettes, and he loves Nirvana and hates Pearl Jam.”
* Sebastian: “I would automatically take off the mask and go ‘Who’d you fuck?’”

## Tags

DJ Hank, iHeart studio, flight, plane window, airplane, passenger, OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder, potato chips, medical mask, coronavirus, security, TSA, hip injury, sleeping, nap, blood, bleeding, father in law, cheating, wife, Apple Watch, texting, thumbs up, iMessage, Fredonia, Ty Pennington, award, road, Rappaport
Enchant Tab

## Enhance Cost

**Note:** Enchance Cost of Head & Armor / Boots & Belt are the same

* 75
* 80
* 85
* 90
* 91
* 95
* 96
* 100
* 105
* 110
* 115
* 120
* 130
* 140
* R1
* R2

*Special Gear Set*

**OUTER PATH / FUMA**

Req.: Lotus Spar

*Forge Set*

**Fire-Forged / Water Spirit**

Req.: Lotus Spar

*Special Gear Set*

**DEMON SEAL / WATER MOON**

Req.: Ice Release Spar

*Forge Set*

**Wind / Thunder**

Req.: Ice Release Spar

*Special Gear Set*

**AKATSUKI**

Req.: Ice Release Spar

*Special Gear Set*

**SHURA / JIZO**

Req.: Fiend Spar

*Special Gear Set*

**ANGEL**

Req.: Fiend Spar

*Forge Set*

**Hunting Spirit / Soul**

Req.: Fiend Spar

*Special Gear Set*

**UNIVERSE / THUNDER**

Req.: Sand Binding Spar

*Forge Set*

**Water Fog / Purple Flame**

Req.: Sand Binding Spar

*Special Gear Set*

**GOD / FLAME**

Req.: Nirvana Spar

*Forge Set*

**Violet / Demonic**

Req.: Nirvana Spar

*Forge Set*

**Demon / Insanity**

Req.: Sacred Spar

*Forge Set*

**Red Devil / Crescent Moon**

Req.: ? Spar

*Forge Set*

**Hermit / Sforged Hermit**

Req.: Hermit Spar

*Forge Set*

**Oracle / Sforged Oracle**

Req.: Oracle Spar
Episode 262

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 Previous Episode

While Pete is on vacation in Mexico, he talks swimming pool etiquette with Sebastian. The guys address some fans from social media and DJ Lou pays tribute to Chris Cornell.

## Quotes from the episode

* Any ball in the pool: WT.
* I white-trash it out in that pool if I want. I don’t wanna read a book!
* There is no such thing as a “nice flip flop”
* I don’t wanna get graphic, but I’ve been on vacations with Jackie where I’ve generated wood.
* I can’t get out, it’s a situation.
* You could be a part of the staff, the way you look.
* She said “you look syrian”
* We both like to relax with the ol' chicken if you know what I’m saying.
Episode 396

Runtime
 Previous Episode

## Episode description

Pete home schools his daughter about patriotism and Sebastian considers shaving his head bald!

## Topics discussed

* Pete messed up the recording from last cast and was afraid to tell Sebastian for a while.
* Sebastian is worried Lana isn’t taking COVID seriously enough as she picks up pennies on a walk. The guys discuss public behavior best practices during the pandemic.
* The family Zoom meet up with Sebastian’s in-laws is becoming a game show, the latest installment being Guess the Flag!
* Sebastian is afraid he’s going bald, and is now thinking of shaving his head to see what it looks like.
* The guys give a pre-review of Tiger King, check out episode 398 for their full review.
* Pete freestyles home schooling with Sadie, including the mention of Adolf Hitler’s suicide.

## Quotes from the episode

* Sebastian: “You don’t pick up pennies in a pandemic!”
* Sebastian: “The kid’s putting up flags and he’s like ‘You know what that one is?’ and I’m like ‘We don’t know flags from Uzbekistan.’”
* Sebastian: “Or, are the transplant hairs that I got put in, now just falling out because they’ve never seen pandemic stress?” Pete: “You’ve got a good point, even if you called the doctor, he could be like ‘Guy they are not meant to survive C19.’”
* Pete: “It’s just a matter of time before he says ‘I’m gonna de-claw one of these and fuck the shit out of it.’”
* Pete: “Are you losing it dude?” Sebastian: “Am I losing my mind?” Pete: “Yeah.” Sebastian: “Well, I lost my mind a long time ago.”

## Tags

Coronavirus, COVID-19, pandemic, recording, Zoom, hair, bald, balding, transplant, Tiger King, Netflix, home school, teaching, Hitler
Episode 416

Runtime
 Previous Episode

## Episode description

Pete learns Zoom etiquette, Sebastian solves the mystery of his dead hawks, and they both practice more embarrassing grammar.

## Topics discussed

* Sebastian encounters a loud noise at night and may have solved it live on the cast.
* Pete is experiencing wildlife death on his property as well and Sebastian wonders if his cologne is attracting bugs.
* Sebastian polls Pete on his preferred mattress firmness to help determine how to finish guest rooms in the new house.
* Pete has hesitations about a mechanic’s religious message at the bottom of an estimate.
* Sebastian switches realtors, and the new one has some interesting ideas for how to sell the home.
* Pete is curious whether his Zoom setup is sending the wrong message, and has other questions on video conference etiquette.

## Quotes from the episode

* Pete: “If that’s where this whole thing is going, that you and Lana determined that you have a ghost living with you, then I’m gonna sip my coffee and you can tell the listeners the rest of this fantasy.”
* Sebastian: “I ain’t going to a mattress store during COVID and rolling around on beds.”
* Pete: “Are you going to get a fireworks display or is everyone just going to watch the hawks crash land all afternoon?”
* Sebastian: “Don’t you feel, when you read that, it was an honest estimate?” Pete: “That’s what he wants me to feel bro!”
* Sebastian: “You know what I think when I see that? I go ‘Oh no, the guy don’t even have a computer.’”

## Tags

Pajamas, crowbar, ghost, loud noise, intruder, home, house, haunted, whale eggs, Hawk, tennis court, glass, bird, cat, mask, bugs, insects, cologne, sleep, bed, discount, fireworks, July 4th, 4th of July, mechanic, repairman, Tahoe, Lana, smoothie, Nutribullet, real estate, Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, Eyes Wide Shut, dream, cheating, video conference, Rappaport, mental institutions, crazy, doctor, quarantine, pandemic, COVID-19, coronavirus, Dirty Dancing, Mexico, drug cartel
Episode 165

Runtime
 Previous Episode

The guys play a game called "Is This Cheating," and are surprised to learn how young their audience is!

## Topics discussed

* Sebastian is coming fresh off a $225 massage
* Pete is digging in to home improvement projects since "getting snipped", despite lukewarm compliments from family
* Pete's Easter houseguests lose their keys, a discussion of appropriate etiquette.
* The bathtub story  is revisited.
* An excerpt from the Undisputed Truth, the Mike Tyson Story.
* A discussion of a man you commits suicide after losing his free buffet pass
* "Is this cheating?"
* Sebastian recommends the salted caramel at Carmela on Third & Fairfax.
* A discussion of kissing family/children on the lips
* Clips from the show are being used in a college course as specimens of dialect
* Pete is preparing for his Showtime special, sans bullet points
* Eddie Lobenhaufer reaches out to Sebastian after being name checked in Episode 161

## Quotes from the episode

* Sebastian: "I don't burden people. I'm not a burden."
* Sebastian: "I don't want to come down in the morning and see you, possibly barefoot, with shorts on making a cup of coffee. I don't wanna see that."
* Sebastian: "I don't ever remember seein' my Dad's dick!"
* Sebastian: "This is an adult show. This ain't Sesame Street, guy."
* Sebastian: "As soon as you take your clothes off in front of me, our friendship's over."
Episode 176

Runtime
 Previous Episode

Sebastian has the hotel stay of his life and Pete disagrees!

## Topics discussed

* Pete inadvertently outs the identity of Jimmy from Boston.
* Sebastian thoroughly enjoyed his vacation in Cabo, despite a bratty dad and a kid with a mop haircut.
* Pete had to physically discipline his daughter for the first time.
* Pete's gym also offers an accommodating amenity.
* Quantifying a lifetime of overcharges
* The guys respond to etiquette questions from listeners; broken golf club, groomsmen's gifts, uneven inheritance to successful sibling.

## Quotes from the episode

* Pete: "You were wearing...lesbian basketball player shorts."
* Pete: "It's like seeing the Snuffleupagus." (re: seeing Jimmy from Boston's photo)
* Pete: "I like my blonde hair like I like my bras...on women."
* Sebastian: "Please notify your attendant if you would like a wake up call! Whoa! Poolside?!"
* Sebastian: "I'd ask the guy, 'how much', he'd say '50 cents' I'd say keep it."
* Sebastian: "You shouldn't even be saying the word 'funky socks' after you turn 18."
* Sebastian: "If she acts up, just give her a slap alright?"
Episode 420

Runtime
 Previous Episode

## Episode description

Flying kits, vomiting in front of family and the question: Can you buy human remains on Amazon?

## Topics discussed

* Sebastian polls Pete and which objects you can buy on Amazon.
* The guys discuss death, morgues, and how much longer cemeteries will last.
* Sebastian orders a kite to play with Serafina, who is worried about losing it in the fireworks canyon.
* Pete vomits in the middle of the night with family visiting.
* The Pete and Sebastian show will be doing a live show on August 13 at 8:00 PM ET! Register here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/the-pete-and-sebastian-show-live-tickets-112874785522

## Quotes from the episode

* Pete: “Your child would not know what a charcuterie plate was just through the public school system, but with you, she’ll be able to tell you every meat and cheese that’s on that thing by 3rd grade.”
* Pete: “I’m like a Chinese menu now, I’m in one of these cabinet drawers?”
* Sebastian: “You ever put something together and go “this ain’t gonna work.’” Pete: “Half the time bro, I think I even mumble an ‘no fucking way with this shit.’”

## Tags

school, home schooling, Serafina, Amazon, lemon tree, human fibula, body part, snake, dog, coffin, grave, graveyard, cremated, morgue, technology, Dr. Fauci, baseball, first pitch, gardeners, movie, snuggle, Sadie, car wash, family, visit, dad, father, sister, fasting, weight loss, mixed berries, avocado toast, fried egg, oatmeal, PXG, golf
Episode 241

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 Previous Episode

Pete and Sebastian discover that they are gaining weight, they try new party games, and one of them lives next to a murder!

## Topics discussed

* Both guys are getting fat.
* Sebastian gets a case of lightbulbs in response to his green lightbulb joke.
* Sebastian hosted a party at his newly-renovated home to rave reviews
* Sebastian explains the “guess what kind of underwear the person is wearing” game to the Pete’s disapproval
* The guys brainstorm party ideas including Pete's squirt gun hitman game
* There is a murder 2 doors down from Pete’s apartment the weekend of Halloween.

## Quotes from the episode

* He isn’t in one of those throwback relationships at all…this guy is one half of a progressive modern-day lesbian couple!
* Little bit of a nurse look?
* If I get a big sneeze, I could literally cripple myself for three days.
* There’s a secondary platform…
* It looks like Rocky I on your foot.
* As soon as a murder happens in the building, the law goes out the window when it comes to a contract.
Episode 9

Runtime
 Previous Episode

## Topics discussed

* Follow-up gym etiquette question: spotting
* Sebastian ventured into his attic and found he is not as comfortable with heights as when he was younger
* Pete's having trouble getting a gift for his brother
* Lana has the house decorated as a gift to Sebastian, but he isn't happy with it and has to deal with the young contractors.
* Warnings: All Star Parking in Los Angeles
* Pete finds the Jeopardy contestant's stories to be mundane, challenges Sebastian for his Jeopardy-style story
* Warnings: Do not try to bring pot into Canada.
* Pete engages some juvenile delinquents in defense of an elderly woman while shopping
* Pete challenges Sebastian to size himself up against celebrities in a fight

## Quotes from the episode

* Sebastian: "Don't goof around right now. I'm in the attic."
* Pete: "I lit a fire last night and Jackie was like 'what are you lighting a fire for?'" Sebastian: "I like a fire too."
Episode 167

Runtime
 Previous Episode

Sebastian gets advice from a comedy legend and Pete prepares for his Showtime special!

## Topics discussed

* Sebastian is anticipating staying at J.J. Watt's house in Houston.
* Discussion of the guy's athletic prowess; including Pete's Alonzo Mourning interaction, Sebastian is nauseated by "golf talk" at Pinehurst Golf Course.
* Comedy club etiquette/enjoyment tips
* Viewer voicemails (716-638-0759)
* Pete goes clothes shopping in Buffalo, NY for his Showtime special.
* Sebastian dines at El Posto, shares a stage with a bescarved Jerry Seinfeld, gets advice on new/old material
* Pete solicits house painting bids from a colorful cast of characters
* Sebastian's sociable driver offers him orange peanut butter crackers

## Quotes from the episode

* Sebastian: "When you go to a comedy club...and they say 'keep talking to a minimum'...how about no talking?"
* Sebastian: "She's a look-and-laugher"
* Pete: "Unless you were choking and she's giving you instructions on the Heimlich Maneuver...save it."
* Sebastian: "For some reason this guy thinks I'm gonna do what? Finger her?"
Episode 181

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 Previous Episode

Pete's on vacation with the family and Sebastian is on a cleanse does anyone really read this shit? (Yes, Lou!) It's funny! The show is hilarious. Enjoy!

## Topics discussed

* Follow-up on Sebastian's multiple juice cleanses; anger, euphoria
* New ETA on Sebastian's house project is a January completion
* Pete's in Bethany Beach, Delaware on vacation with his extended family
* Pete shuts down a shuttle bus Skynyrd rock-out session, assesses other cool dads, steals lawn furniture and a barbecue grill.
* Other tales from Bethany Beach: Pete's Dad takes grandson aside, Pete has an encounter with an overbearing special needs child who scares his daughter, loud pool noises, Mom on first-name basis, projectile vomiting (saved by the Patemn Changing Pad)
* Sebastian's read for the Deniro movie was well received, but he is too young for the part.
* Montreal has redeemed itself in Sebastian's eyes, especially the cuisine.
* Sebastian is unhappy when the kitchen closes before he's ordered.
* Lana & Sebastian are stopped by a fan waiting outside their hotel, Pete tells story of Jim Breuer's letter to George Carlin (from previous episode).
* Sebastian encounters a chronic cougher in a restaurant
* Pete considers a sleep sack for hygienic travel, proposes a hotel with an open register of previous guests, may travel with his own silverware
* A discussion about vomiting, canned clams
* An interview with Tim Martin from IZO Cleanse
* Sebastian reports back from the Montreal Comedy Festival, considers karaoke
* Sebastian is moving out of his house during construction, is suspicious of fellow storage garage neighbors
* Pete taps out early, unable to match Sebastian's glowing juice-cleanse energy

## Quotes from the episode

* Pete: "I think [my nephew] wanted me to invite him on to do [Sebastian impressions]...but...I didn't."
* Pete: "Uncle Pete's here, I don't bow down to you."
* Sebastian: "Put the kid behind the wheel, no license, ride around Walgreens."
* Sebastian: "In my world, you don't graduate to the adult pool until you're 15."
* Sebastian: "It was cute for you, but if I was sitting there I would have said 'take the kid inside'"
* Pete: "Last time I was in a playground that early I was doing cocaine and it was in Central Park."
Episode 215

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   The guys are back!!! Sebastian tells stories of his NBC pilot with Tony Danza and Pete gets everyone riled up on American Airlines!

## Topics discussed

* Back after a hiatus, but not long enough to finish Sebastian’s house project (16 months running)
* Sebastian dialed in on the pilot, the hardest thing he as ever done.
* Pete has plane stories, but is still a better flyer than his wife
* Pete is considering taking down a 100-year old tree on the rental property next door while doing his own tree trimming.

## Quotes from the episode

* Pete: "I can’t believe I just referred to Mconahey as a good actor!"
* Sebastian: "Don’t you love a big pile of mail in front of you?"
* Sebastian: "I’ll pop out of a scene and turn to camera."
* Pete: "The last thing you need is some yoyo they pulled off the street for the free food telling you how to act"
* Pete: "We do the cast-at the salon-$50 on top of the regular cut and you get to listen to the cast live."
* Sebastian: "They actually tour with their podcast." Pete: "I can’t even get you for an hour!"
* Pete: "When you get inside the actor’s studio with Lipton you better have a better example than that. Tony knew not to talk over the slammin’ door. What a thespian!"
* Pete: "What-are you in a band? Enough with the flicking’ to the music."
* Pete: "You can’t get helicopters out here fast enough that I gotta get wet? We’re Americans, man!"
* Pete: "What are we raising? I’d tell my daughter, swallow that shit!"
* Sebastian: "I’ve got a voice only my wife can hear."
* Pete: "I shut the window. Ride’s over. Go back to your magazine. Nothin to see here."
* Pete: "What grown man needs to fly a toy over the airport?"
* Pete: "I don’t make a sound and I just give him a glare."
* Pete: "Yeah, yeah. Go talk to the wizard! Why doesn’t the wizard come out?"
* Pete: "Oh, yeah! I got ‘em all riled up now! Like a whip, I just smack em in the ass collectively like a team!"
* Pete: "Kids are on the floor! Meanwhile the white trash kid was on the floor at 4:30 when we thought we were leaving on time."
* Sebastian: "You would have been arrested!"
* Pete: "I walk really fast up the aisle, and I lean over and I go, 'A commercial? You’re doing a commercial?!'"
* Pete: "No bites, huh? No bites?!"
* Sebastian: "I would rather throw up in my lap, than say ‘Take the headrest off.'"
* Sebastian: "One star: wanted to take car apart during the trip"
Episode 405

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 Previous Episode

## Episode description

Sebastian under performs at an all-star Zoom session and Pete sees some police action at home.

## Topics discussed

* The Maniscalcos are forced to hold a driveway party for Serafina’s birthday.
* Sebastian scores a $1,500 discount thanks to the pandemic, or was the contractor trying to fleece him?
* Sebastian joins a star-studded Zoom call and his LL Cool J story flops.
* Pete pulls a Pete with Sadie at the local compost station resulting in the police getting involved.
* Pete injures his rib while attempting to swing on a broom stick.

## Quotes from the episode

* Jimmy from Boston: “It’s like some perverted and degenerate game of Clue trying to figure out what objects in the house you haven’t fucked!”
* Pete: “I think they had to wake the sous chef up. He’s like ‘You’re not gonna believe this Chen, but we got an order!’”
* Sebastian: “Listen, you know how bad I’m dying to see the parking lot attendant?”
* Pete: “I killed him, are we cool with that? Is everybody cool with that?”
* Pete: “You would think if you’re U2 or Madonna you would have your manager’s full attention.”
* Sebastian: “Did Sadie go ‘Oh Dad, are you gonna cut his hair?!’” Pete: “Bro, we need some time apart, I am scarring this kid.”
* Pete: “Hey Sadie, I’m gonna get a stick, we’ll tie both ends to each end of the stick and it’ll be like a trapeze swing!” Sadie: “Great idea Dad!”

## Tags

Coronavirus, COVID-19, pandemic, Serafina birthday, discount, sushi, Kim Jung Un, U2, Madonna, Zoom, Beck, LL Cool J, Adam Sandler, Alex Rodriguez, A-Rod, Woody Harrelson, Pulled A Pete, Pull a Pete, tree, police, cops, little league, swing, trapeze swing, broom stick, rib, injury, sunburn
Episode 253

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 Previous Episode

We celebrate Italian Americans for St. Paddy's Day! Pete flips out on a pilot AGAIN, Sebastian tells stories of dating in high school, and so much more!

## Quotes from the episode

* DJ Lou not takin any shit and dropping the gloves! Great job ya bald headed beauty,you!
* I like how someone’s dying, and you go “God, this guy’s attractive!”
* What? Tell Manuel we got a Holiday Inn, and you ain’t going nowhere.
* (Nic Cage) It’s like Donald Trump. If you can get past the hairdo, he’s doing a decent job.
* I think I’ve got a lawsuit against McDonalds. ..Some of the things you’re doing are really white trash.
* What am I, made of Money? Cracker Barrel?!
* If I ever missed 5 days of school, there was no way my brain could catch up.
Episode 168

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 Previous Episode

Comedians with private jets, Sebastian's stalker, used swing set for Pete's kid, The Italian Take, and Pete reveals the name of his special in this new episode!

## Topics discussed

* Sebastian is in Ottawa for the Just for Laughs festival
* Pete & Sebastian are both drinking
* Pete tells a Louis C.K. story about the Ottawa Blues Festival
* Pete buys a swing set on Craigslist
* Sebastian attends a John Varvatos charity event, has misadventures on the red carpet (mirroring an experience from Episode 113).

## Quotes from the episode

* Pete: (Re: Getting Subpoenaed) "I could use any plug I can get."
* Sebastian: (Re: Nazi Neighbor) "I don't know who you call for that. I don't know if you call uh...the Navy?"
* Sebastian: "I have an allergic reaction to people."
* Pete: "Lou, do you have stalking music?"
* Pete: "This is the Pete and smoke and mirrors show."
* Sebastian: "I asked Lana what the hell my phone number was."
* Pete: "You put your arm around me, we smile, and when you go home there's a fucking photo of me and you on your fridge."
* Pete: "Alright, I need a coffee."
Episode 398

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 Previous Episode

## Episode description

Find out how the guys are holding up and hear their review of TIGER KING!

## Topics discussed

* Isolation is starting to wear away at the guys, are starting to get curious about the infection numbers, and Pete is looking to Belarus (as he pronounces Ba-lare-us).
* The Correale family will be welcoming a new dog soon, and they are shooting up the list thanks to the ‘rona.
* Sebastian is trying every recipe out there, included grilled cookies.
* Sebastian comes up with questions for the family quarantine Zoom session.
* Pete suggests Sebastian set up a drive-in comedy show.
* The cast is flying up the ranks (or down according to Pete), now at #66! Leave a review and tell your friends!

## Quotes from the episode

* Sebastian: “I don’t have it, however I think I have another virus called ‘Get me the f\*\*k outside!’”
* Pete: “I’m not doing it from the Amish...they churn em out like they have brothers and sisters banging left and right, you know what I’m saying? And I’m not even talking about the dogs.”
* Sebastian: “I found a joint in my drawer the other day and I’m like ‘Should I light this fucker up?’”
* Pete: “Once he falls off that ladder, he’s nothing but a dead bird bro.”
* Pete: “No one wants your virus cookies!”
* Pete’s neighbor: “I’m sorry about the deaths and all of that, but as far as everything shutting down and having to stop, I’m kind of enjoying it.” Pete: “You’re out! Can we inject her?”

## Tags

Coronavirus, COVID-19, pandemic, infection count, amish, joint, weed, Belarus, dog, pet, cooking, chef, cookies, Traeger grill, grill, Zoom, drive-in, rankings, iTunes
Episode 190

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 Previous Episode

Sebastian joins the Oddball Festival and Pete meets his female equivalent!

## Topics discussed

* Sebastian has a nightmare about his storage unit being burglarized
* Sebastian enjoyed performing at the Oddball comedy festival despite being encouraged to read liberal propaganda
* Pete is further endeared to Tom Brady by learning he cheek-kisses male friends
* Sebastian's corporate gig for IHOP initiates a conversation about breakfast establishments and pancake preferences
* Show-within-a-show: a celebration of Pearl Jam and Eddie Vedder
* Small town life with Pete: roofers who won't roof, school kids using his tire swing and killing his seeded lawn (and Sebastian with several creative, passive-aggressive solutions)
* Sebastian's beginning voiceover work as Johnny the Bruiser
* Last week's technical glitch ruins the Friday plans of fans and is blamed for a Texans loss by JJ Watt.
* Sebastian is supporting AFA Alzheimers at Gotham Comedy Club November 11.
* Pete's Providence show results in an 11-hour road trip where he encounters "the female Pete"
* The guys give free endorsements to Blue Moon and Heitz Cabernet, refuse to read a sexually-themed ad (but not Lou!)
* A discussion of respecting the microphone by not rubbing garlic and cold sores on it.
* Sebastian squirms in the back of a car as his driver expectorates loudly into a napkin

## Quotes from the episode

* Jimmy from Boston: "If you're out there training a dog to be your vicious protector and not just a lovable pet, you're a jerkoff and an asshole."
* Sebastian: "If I'm not in the dream, I'm not paying attention."
* Sebastian: "If you're eating pancakes & French toast with whipped cream, you might as well just move right into a trailer."
* Pete: "It was like hearing Mick Jagger singing a cappella right next to you."
* Pete: "That's MY move!"
Episode 421

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 Previous Episode

## Episode description

Disabled vehicles, goggles, magic pizza, pool games, and Los Angeles still on fire!

## Topics discussed

* Sebastian is blown away by a popular homemade pizza in LA.
* Pete is preparing for his trip to the Adirondacks and has some fun using his father-in-law’s impact wrench on the camper tires.
* The guys wonder what precaution Dr. Fauci will announce next.
* Sebastian’s swimming skills are put to the test in Serafina’s presence.
* The Pete and Sebastian show will be doing a live show on August 13 at 8:00 PM ET! Register here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/the-pete-and-sebastian-show-live-tickets-112874785522

## Quotes from the episode

* Pete: “If California could speak, it would say ‘what do I have do for you people to understand I’m telling you, get the fuck outta here? I’m burning it, I’m shaking it, and still people are going back to bed.’”
* Sebastian: “I’m at an age where - it’s sad to say - I really don’t wanna learn anything new.” Pete: “Just last cast you said you want to step up your technology guy.”
* Pete: “They’re trying to give you that wave like ‘please stop!’ I’d be like, look at this fucking killer!”
* Pete: “Fauci’s saving the ears for September when the kids are going back to school, he’s gonna go ‘Plug your fucking ears, ohh, shit!’”

## Tags

brush fire, earthquake, Los Angeles, Joe Rogan, last piece, dough, Mai Tai, Adirondacks, camper, RV, wheels, tires, lug wrench, highway, freeway, tour bus, Pope, COVID, testing, ears, ear plugs, goggles, coronavirus, Serafina, Lana, superman, hero, pool, swimming, swim, Jackie, Greece
Episode 224

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Sebastian returns from an Italian adventure and Pete has some amazing news in this hilarious episode!

## Topics discussed

* Sebastian is back from Australia and Italy, gained about 8 pounds
* Sebastian has a bathroom encounter with a “busy” patron
* A discussion of what one can remove from a hotel room without being detected.
* Sebastian’s stay at Belmond Splendido portofino italy is one he’s been anticipating since it’s mention to him in 2003.
* In addition to fine dining, Sebastian treats himself to fine laundry service.
* Sebastian attends his Dad’s birthday and decides it will be the final time he sleeps there instead of a hotel.
* Sadie got a concussion and Pete is impressed with the ER doctor.

## Quotes from the episode

* Pete: My move is I’ll pretend I’m singing a bit of a song…I’d rather have the guy tell me he’s busy
* Pete: Is a luggage rack free to take? Cause I’ve taken one!
* Sebastian: The coffee machine that they leave you…can I take it?
* Pete: On a lower scale, when I check into a Marriot, and they say ‘You’re in our C building’ What you’ll wanna do is walk through the parking lot like a peasant, with your shit, and…'
* Pete: This ain’t 1997 guy, I don’t wanna be in this shitbox, get me up the hill!
* Pete: Don’t kid yourself-I’ve always got one eye on the Russians!
* Pete: The only time they talk is to make plans to break the law!
* Pete: Whenever I’m hiking and I see someone in sneakers…it’s white trash.
* Sebastian: Let’s get organized!
* Pete: The bloom is off the rose with this guy!
* Pete: I’ll bring the milk home! STFU! Heey little girl did you bump your head?
* Pete: What kind of a dump is your house that you’d rather be here?!
Episode 415

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 Previous Episode

## Episode description

Sebastian takes firefighting into his own hands. Pete gets a new neighbor and gets into a fender-bender!

## Topics discussed

* Pete has questions about Sebastian’s taste for caviar, which he says comes from whales.
* Sebastian opts to bring 5 pizzas to the local fire department with ulterior motives in mind.
* The Correale’s host a successful sleepover for Sadie’s birthday.
* Pete’s former college basketball coach wants him to participate in an alumni mentor program.
* While on a mission to get Sadie a new bike, Pete scrapes up the Tahoe at the bank.

## Quotes from the episode

* Sebastian: “It’s whale eggs.”
* Sebastian: “One was so just in case there’s a fire, they start at my house.” Pete: “I feel like every pie you deliver is an extra 10 seconds faster they’re gonna get to your house.”
* Pete: “You ever see the guy limping on one leg mowing the corner house? That’s your mentor!”

## Tags

Lana, Father’s Day, caviar, Goldbelly, whales, Beluga, farmer’s market, fire department, fire truck, fire house, Pizzana, Serafina, Instagram, bribe, cash, fire hydrant, Rocky Balboa, Stallone, Creed, folding chair, Sadie, Fredonia, basketball, college, student athlete, hip surgery, bike, bicycle, Tahoe, car accident, bank, credit card, Uber, limo, mask, COVID-19, coronavirus, asymptomatic
Episode 219

Previous Episode

   The guys play a new round of "Man-erios" and Pete has stories about the Amish changing his life in this hilarious new episode!

## Topics discussed

* Sebastian is broadcasting from his father’s basement in Chicago
* Celebrity run-in etiquette, including a missed opportunity to meet Tony Bennett
* Pete has 4 Amish roofers working on his home.
* Sebastian is waiting on the news of whether his pilot will be picked up by NBC.
* Information on how the taping of Sebastian’s special, “Why would you do that?” went.
* Pete talks about writing a letter to the NY Times after Breuer’s pilot wasn’t picked up.
* Manario’s: Loading a gun and firing it, confronting the President after he propositioned your wife, acting as referee to a sports game, kick down a door,

## Quotes from the episode

* Jimmy from Boston: Mean old Jimmy comes along and busts your idol’s balls #breathawaybiscuit
* Sebastian: My father is now a hoarder. There is shit all over this house.
* Pete: Were you in a room with Tom Cruise? Sebastian: That was just an example. Pete: Use a lesser example.
* Sebastian: Leah Romy? Leah Remy?
* Sebastian: Is this thing even street legal?
* Pete: These are your friends? Yeah! What are you gonna do?
* Pete: They don’t make small talk with each other because they’re SO BORING.
* Mighty fine house you’ve got here, sir.
* Sebastian: This should be an education on how to run a business.
* Sebastian: Get me out on the soccer field with some adidas cleats and some shin guards and I’m a different man.
Episode 201

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 Previous Episode

Pete starts to hate his favorite holiday and Sebastian embarrasses himself at a holiday party!

## Topics discussed

* Christmas recap: Sebastian spills wine, disapproves of women chewing a meat bone, Pete is alienated by his family.
* A discussion of whether one should apologize for his wife
* Pete goes back to the stereo guy for his money back, leaves with a sob story
* There will be an endorsement day for the guys' political candidate of choice
* Sebastian's spending New Years at home, Pete is in the Jolly Hotel Madison Towers.

## Quotes from the episode

* Sebastian: "When someone opens a Mcdonalds bag on the plane, I'm like; did somebody take their socks off?"
* Pete: "When I smell that, I just know we have white trash confirmed on the plane."
* Sebastian: "What is this? Honest nog?"
* Pete: "I don't care if he's been on cocaine for 4 days, get him off my fuckin' couch!"