How to deal with 'if only' thoughts following increased awareness and expansion

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## Thread Transcript

**Rainbowlight**

I would dearly appreciate advice as to how best to handle those if only thoughts. I am relatively new to Abraham, I've read much about LOA previously but Abe's teachings really have pulled it all together for me and given me many Aha moments of realisation.

This is is causing a shift in my whole perception and will offer me the potential for a much more enriching life experience as a result. However I am putting a lot of regret and self blame on myself for not realising or understanding such concepts sooner as they seem so obvious now. My particular sticking point relates to a relationship I ended a few years ago, though we remained close friends following. I ended it because he did not want children and could not offer me any sense of security/commitment in the relationship. At one point he was open to trying for children and then I had an anxiety attack which took me some months to recover from as a result of work stresses, when this passed and I brought up the subject about children again he said he had changed his mind. I think seeing my anxious state panicked him. Anyway looking back, knowing what I know now, I am beating up on myself for my hurt and resentment towards him and what I now see as OOTV thinking that caused me to end the relationship. I now see that he was scared and that I was pressurising him and it was understandable he would offer resistance. I just did not see it like that than or that I had the power to chance my focus to positive aspects of appreciation and hold virtual reality visualisations of the outcome I wanted. Along with realising now that had I understood about alignment and the vortex you only look to make such a huge decision from an ITV place and had I got myself ITV I certainly would not have left this man I loved so much. This guy was the one for me and I see I blew it and my head keeps telling me if only I knew then what I know now it would all be so different and we would be together. I love and miss this man so much. I am in the uk and this year he left to move to Sydney where his family are.

Since leaving this man I have been single but have been trying to have a child on my own. I have suffered many losses and still no child, so another reason why my past decision to leave him is still causing me to question it and how things may have been different.......

any advise so very appreciated x

**simi\_0808**

You are not having regretful thoughts- you are only continuing the OOTV habit of thought using manifested reality as an excuse. The problem is not the specifics of your experience, it is your proclivity to be on the lower end of the EGS. And one more important thing- Abraham may not have come into your life if you would not have had major contrast and therefore intensified asking for guidance.

Now what is the solution to this painful feeling of regret? It lies in making your mantra- nothing is more important than that I feel good.

**Rainbowlight**

You are not having regretful thoughts- you are only continuing the OOTV habit of thought using manifested reality as an excuse. The problem is not the specifics of your experience, it is your proclivity to be on the lower end of the EGS. And one more important thing- Abraham may not have come into your life if you would not have had major contrast and therefore intensified asking for guidance.

Now what is the solution to this painful feeling of regret? It lies in making your mantra- nothing is more important than that I feel good.

Dear Simi,

Thank you for taking the time to reply. Your words do make sense as when I am ITV things do seem clearer and I can weigh up so many positives to have come from the experience particularly related to expansion thanks to Abraham and another amazing spiritual teacher Teal Scott. The sense if regret definitely happens when I am OOTV resisting the NOW and feeling lack. Not seeing that it is regret thoughts as you suggest will help eliminate the sense of blame and I should have known better thinking. Bless you.

**Reema**

Rainbowlight, please see if this thread helps

http://www.abeforum.com/showthread.php?34948-Today-s-quote-No-missed-Boats&highlight=missed+boats [*No backup available]*

**Misou**

> However I am putting a lot of regret and self blame on myself for not realising or understanding such concepts sooner as they seem so obvious now
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As I just posted on another thread - there was never a time in your life that you did not want the best for yourself and never a time you were not doing your absolute best. No matter the out come then - you were trying to have what you wanted and doing your best to have it.

The fact is - in your expansion you have come to the point where you know more than you did then but you would not be where you are without that expansion. You wouldnt know now what you know without the contrast of having been where you were.

So NOW you know and NOW you are where you were trying to get before. Be easy. This is where you wanted to be all along.

**Rainbowlight**

Dear Misou, I so appreciate you replying and sharing your insights. I am realising I just have to be grateful for the fact I do know what I know now and that that only came about from going out and seeking guidance and that need only came about from the contrast/experience caused by the breakup. I guess I just wish I could have a do over with that relationship and be given the chance again with the realisations I know have concerning LOA, vortex, alignment, vibrations etc. I keep telling myself it is all there in my escrow just waiting for me. That or something better and that thought brings relief.

Thank you again x

**Reema**

Rainbowlight, I would like to recommend two youtube videos

1. Abraham Hicks - How can I get my ex-girlfriend back?

and

2. Abraham Hicks - You dont have to go back and undo anything.

I hope they are helpful

**marie la luz**

I think it might really help to extend that understanding to knowing that everything you did was perfectly appropriate and understandable at the point when you made those decisions. You really did the very best you could with the knowledge that you had. The best thing about the abe hicks teachings, is not that you can control your destiny, or manifest your desires, but what you can do right here and right now. I've been very clearly finding how satisfying it is to choose my thoughts according to how they make me feel. If you were choosing your thoughts according to how they make you feel, you could instantly see that looking backwards is painful, therefor not a good choice.

One thing abe has been recommending is going general. What going general means to me, in a situation like yours, where I am looking back, I will gloss over all the bad feeling details, and instead, simply acknowledge at one time I did meet the man of my dreams - so it its possible, and that now I have the kind of information that could make a relationship like that actually work!

I find that when I look to hard at the details, while I am feeling bad, I keep seeing how I should have done differently. Where in truth I am just innocent, and doing my very best. What could be better than that. Nothing except choosing better feeling thoughts, which is what this loa thing is all about.

1. Choose your feelings on account of what feels best.

2. Go very general about things that feel bad.

3. You are in a very good position now, because you know to do number 1.

**Rainbowlight**

Thank you so much Gaily - this was my first thread posting to the forum and I am in wonderful awe of people taking the time and energy to reply. I loved your take on it, especially 'Where in truth I am just innocent, and doing my very best. What could be better than that. Nothing except choosing better feeling thoughts, which is what this loa thing is all about'. Bless you x

**Rainbowlight**

Thank you Reema for taking the time to read my request and reply. I will certainly check out the videos you suggest, so very appreciated x

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