The Last King of Brantford

**The Last King of Brantford** is an episode of Spencer and Fridge.

## Summary

After watching a safety video in health class, Fridge becomes obsessed with keeping his family and others safe, and his overprotective ways spread throughout Brantford.

## Scripty script

### Watch Out, Little Teddy!

*[The episode starts with a video's title card, with cheery music playing]*
**Video Narrator**: Watch Out, Little Teddy.
*[Then a teddy bear is seen cooking]*
**Video Narrator**: Little Teddy is very excited, because it's cookie time. But, watch out, Little Teddy…
*[Little Teddy burns his hands while attempting to bring out some cookies from an oven]*
**Little Teddy**: Ow! Ow!
**Video Narrator**: BE CAREFUL AROUND OVENS!
*[The video switches to Little Teddy looking out from a window, and to a tree with a bird]*
**Video Narrator**: Little Teddy has seen a bird. *[Little Teddy waves as narrator speaks]* Hello little bird!
**Bird**: Hello!
**Video Narrator**: But, watch out, Little Teddy...
*[Little Teddy falls out of the window, and hits the ground. The bird perches on Little Teddy's head and pecks his nose]*
**Video Narrator**: BE CAREFUL AROUND WINDOWS!
*[Little Teddy is seen chasing a butterfly in a field]*
**Video Narrator**: Little Teddy is having fun in the backyard, with a butterfly. Butterflies are pretty. But, watch out, Little Teddy….
*[After running a long distance, Little Teddy knocks himself over with a rake]*
**Video Narrator**: BE CAREFUL AROUND GARDEN TOOLS!
*[The video transitions to Little Teddy walking to an old woman about to cross a road]*
**Video Narrator**: Little Teddy is helping a senior citizen. That's kind of you, Teddy. It's nice to be nice.
*[Little Teddy and the old woman start crossing the road]*
**Video Narrator**: But, watch out, Little Teddy...
*[Little Teddy puts his arm around the old woman's shoulder, which angers her. The old woman screams, and beats his head with a crowbar until a bump rises from his head]*
**Video Narrator**: BE CAREFUL AROUND STRANGERS!
*[As the old woman leaves, Little Teddy is hit by a speeding car]*
**Video Narrator**: AND CARS!
*[The scene flips over, and transitions to Little Teddy dancing inside a circle of singing children]*
**Children**: *[Singing]* *If you're going on adventures, or having lots of fun. Remember to be frightened, being safe is number one.*
**Little Teddy**: *[Waving]* Remember, kids: please take care, 'cause danger's lurking— *[Little Teddy, along with the video becomes eerily distorted and slowed]* everywhere.
*[The camera zooms out from a TV in Miss Simian's classroom. Beside it, Mr. Small is screaming, frightened by the video. The students, who were watching the video, are frozen with horrified expressions on their faces]*
**Mister Small**​​​​​: Okay. Everyone, take the rest of the day off. I'm just gonna—
*[The haunted Mr. Small grabs a trash bin, uses it to cover his head, and rocks gently in a corner. The other students (except for Fridge) walk away, all of them still having the same facial expressions. Fridge remains seated, and the camera zooms into his face]*
### Fridge Turns Overprotective

*[By the pavement, Betty prepares to cross a road. Suddenly, a screaming Fridge throws a trash bin at her, and pulls Spencer along with him]*
**Spencer**: Dude! Have you lost your mind? What was that all about?
**Fridge**: Careful!
*[Fridge tackles Spencer before he steps into a puddle]*
**Spencer**: What the what are you doing?!
**Fridge**: Keeping you safe. You almost stepped in a puddle, man. You could have slipped. Or worse, DROWNED!
**Spencer**: Dude, I think you might be overreacting just a teeny tiny bit.
**Fridge**: I love you too much to let you get hurt! I'll keep you safe! I'll keep everyone safe!
*[Betty places a hand on Fridge]*
**Betty**​​​​: Are you kids alright?
*[Fridge flips her over, and sends her flying into a nearby window. He screams after]*
**Fridge**: Come on! *[Drags Spencer away]*
**Spencer**: *[To Betty]* Sorry!
**Betty**​​​​: *[Off-screen]* Oh, it's quite alright!
### Child Filter

*[The next morning, Spencer wakes up and tosses the alarm clock in Fridge's fishbowl to stop the alarm. He goes to the bathroom and unzips his shorts. The outside of the Watterson house is shown]*
**Spencer**: *[Off-screen]* **AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!**
*[The scene cuts back to the living room as Spencer frantically runs downstairs]*
**Spencer**: HEY Fridge! *[Talks in panicky gibberish, points to his groin, and cries]*
**Fridge**: What?
*[Spencer pulls down his shorts and reveals his censored part]*
**Fridge**: But it always looks like that.
*[Spencer removes the censor, and reveals that his entire crotch is missing]*
**Fridge**: Oh, that! That's because I put the child filter on the house.
**Spencer**: *[Pulls up his shorts]* What the [blank]?! Wait, what's happening? It's like there's some kind of [blank] device, censoring every gosh [blank] word I say!
**Fridge**: Cursing is unsafe, Spencer. Words can hurt.
**Spencer**: Dude, I don't even know any real curse words. I only know the mom-sanctioned versions.
**Fridge**: But those words hint at the bad ones, so they need to be censored as well.
**Spencer**: So, what are we supposed to say when we need to vent?
**Fridge**: Like when?
**Spencer**: Like now. *[Stomps on Fridge's foot]*
**Fridge**: OH YOU—
*[The scene is replaced with peaceful music, and cheery pictures]*
### Routine Made Safe

*[The scene shows the Wattersons eating literal molecules. Spencer scoops a handful, and gingerly munches on them while Fridge contently watches. Then Spencer spits out some in disgust]*
**Spencer**: Oh, Mom. Fridge's being a complete mom! No offense to you. *[To Fridge]* Offense to you!
**Mom**: I'm sorry, but your brother is right. Vegetables are full of pesticides, meat is full of hormones, fish is full of mercury, milk is not meant to be digested, sugar makes you fat—
**Fridge**: And bread is full of gluten! The only solution is to eat pure proteins, carbohydrates, fat, minerals, and vitamins. It is for our own good!
**Mom**, **Dad**, and **Ruby**: *[Dazed]* It is for our own good.
**Dad**: Can you pass the iron?
*[Dad is given a block of iron which he shreds and chews]*
**Dad**: Ah.
**Spencer**: Am I the only one here who thinks this is COMPLETELY CRAZY?!
**Fridge**: Is it crazy to keep your loved ones safe?
**Dad**: I don't mind, as long as I'm full.
*[Dad walks to the fridge, making clanking sounds as he walks, and opens it]*
**Fridge**: Careful, Mr. Dad. It's dangerous to take too many vitamins.
*[Dad sadly closes the fridge, and as he groans, magnets stick to his stomach, spelling "Aww"]*
**Dad**: Aww.
*[In the living room, Spencer turns on the TV, and watches cartoons. An ostrich runs through a desert, while a wolf prepares to catch the ostrich with dynamite and explosives. Spencer laughs, unaware of Fridge dialing a number beside him. Then the wolf picks up his phone]*
**Wolf**: Hello?
**Fridge**: Hi. I'd like to complain about your cartoon. I disapprove of the use of dynamite. It is imitable, and could endanger the life of a child.
**Wolf**: Where would a child be able to buy dynamite?
**Fridge**: Are you saying your channel and sponsors don't care about our nation's children?
**Wolf**: *[Blinks]* Okay, no dynamite.
*[The wolf brings out an anvil]*
**Fridge**: I'm sorry. We can't allow that, either.
**Wolf**: But a child can't lift an anvil.
**Fridge**: *[Off-screen]* But he might hurt himself trying.
*[The wolf dejectedly throws the anvil away. Then, the ostrich runs by, but is stopped by Fridge]*
**Fridge**: Ah ah ah! No running in the road.
*[The wolf prepares to bite the ostrich, frozen midair]*
**Fridge**: And, of course, no violence.
**Wolf**: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! I wasn't really gonna bite his tail. The joke is that he's gonna give me my own tail—
**Fridge**: No jokes, please. A child might laugh and choke.
**Wolf**: Can we keep the music?
**Fridge**: No, thank you. It's the gateway to rock n' roll, which is the root of all evil.
**Spencer**: *[Shocked]* Uh—
**Fridge**: Repeat after me: it's for our own good.
**Wolf** and **Ostrich**: *[Dazed]* It's for our own good. It's for our own good— *[Slowly walk off-screen]*
**Spencer**: No, no, gosh! Wait! What?! I would never imitate what I see on TV! Guys, come back!
*[The ostrich and wolf leave, and Spencer cries. Then he gets angry, bites his own tail, hops up, hits the ceiling, and falls down with birds flying around his head]*
**Fridge**: You know, you can't talk to characters inside a TV, right? *[Shoos away the birds]* And birds can carry diseases!
*[Spencer collapses, and blacks out just as his show ends]*
### Fridge’s Tyranny

*[Spencer wakes up, groaning, and is shocked to find himself chained on a chair at the table. After barely struggling, he sees Dad, Ruby, and Mom, seemingly dazed and creepily happy]*
**Spencer**: Guys! What's going on?!
**Mom**: Fridge tied us up while he went to make sure the rest of Brantford is safe.
**Mom**, **Dad**, and **Ruby**: *[Dazed]* It is for your own good!
**Spencer**: How can this be for our own good?! Don't you realize—
*[Spencer is shocked by a machine attached to his butt]*
**Spencer**: What is that?
**Ruby**: That's the best way for you to exercise safely.
*[A sprinkler on the table shoots out a pink substance into each of the family member's mouths. Spencer does not open his mouth, and is splatted with the substance]*
**Dad**: Mmm. That was my idea!
*[Spencer shakes off the substance, and finds a bucket under his chair]*
**Mom**, **Dad**, and **Ruby**: *[Dazed]* It is for your own good!
**Spencer**: Have you lost your minds? How could you give up your freedom?
*[Mom drops her pretense, and everyone else follows suit]*
**Mom**: Okay, Spencer. We don't have much time. Just do as I say—
**Spencer**: No! I love you, mother, but I stand for freedom!
**Ruby**: No, Spencer! You don't get it!
**Spencer**: Sorry! I can't hear you over my **freedom!**
**Mom**: *[Quietly]* Spencer, we're talking about the—
*[A surveillance camera swivels to their direction, and all of them (except for Spencer) put on their guises again]*
**Spencer**: Oh, that's right! Laugh it off! Let's all give away our freedom, and laugh about it! AHAHAH— *[Notices the camera behind him, and speaks quietly]* Everybody, careful. I think we're being watched.
*[Dad, Mom, and Ruby sigh]*
**Spencer**: That's what you wanted to say, wasn't it?
*[Mom, Ruby, and Dad (still retaining their guises) gesture towards the kitchen counter with their eyes and heads. Spencer notices the key to their locks]*
**Spencer**: *[Evil face]* Of course!
*[Spencer hops with his chair to the counter. He glances at his family, and they nod. Then he springs, and instead takes the nearby potted cactus with his mouth]*
**Spencer**: Got it!
*[Dad, Mom, and Ruby shake their heads. Spencer painstakingly chews up the cactus, while his family watch in puzzlement (although still pretending to be happy). After a while, Spencer forms a replica of the key out of the cactus he chewed up with his mouth. He spits it towards one of his paws, and unlocks himself as the camera swivels away. Ruby, Dad, and Mom have now dropped their guises, and their puzzlement is plainly shown]*
**Spencer**: What?
**Mom**: Oh, nothing. Let's get out of here, and stop your brother!
### Overthrowing the Safety Regime

*[Dad, Mom, Spencer, and Ruby barge through the door of their house, and run to confront Fridge]*
**Mom**: He's at the town hall. We have to get there, and stop him!
**Spencer**: Before what?
**Ruby**: He plans to invade the rest of the world to make it safe!
*[They screech to a halt]*
**Spencer**: How do you know about all this?
**Mom**: He told us.
**Spencer**: Why didn't you stop him?
**Dad**: Because, it's Fridge. He's really cute.
**Mom**: Aw, he was all like— *[Imitates Fridge]* "All resistance is futile!"
**Ruby**: *[Imitates Fridge]* "Those who stray from the path will be executed!"
**Dad**: *[Imitates Fridge]* "Today a safer Brantford! Tomorrow a safer world!"
**Spencer**: How could you not see he was dangerous? Actually, now that I think of it, it must have been adorable!
**All**: Aw.
**Spencer**: Now, alright! Let's take this cutie patootie down!
*[Before Spencer can punch a fist into his paw, the sound of rubber is heard. Spencer, Ruby, Mom, and Dad are seen surrounded by citizens in protective gear, armed with batons. They raise their batons, but are interrupted by Principal Brown]*
**Nigel Brown**: *[Quietly]* I don't mean to alarm you or damage your eardrums by shouting, but under the new regime you are under arrest for treason. Please don't force us to use our balloon batons.
**Spencer**: Wait. *[Pokes a baton]* That's not real?
**Nigel Brown**: No. That would be unsafe.
**Spencer**: So, what's to stop us from running away?
**Nigel Brown**: Running is now an unsafe act.
**Spencer**: Oh, good.
*[The Wattersons run away]*
**Nigel Brown**: *[Gently]* Stop!
*[The citizens sidle after the Wattersons, taking extreme caution in moving]*
**Nigel Brown**: Control, we have no other choice but to engage in a vehicle chase.
*[They inch to a parked vehicle, and begin to push it]*
**Nigel Brown**: *[Groans]* I wish we were still allowed to drive.
**Harold**​​​​: I'm sorry sir, but under the new regime, complaining about the regime is a punishable offense.
*[Harold and Jeff repeatedly hit Principal Brown's head with their batons]*
### The Plan

*[The Wattersons arrive at the town hall]*
**Spencer**: Okay. So, here's how we get in.
*[Spencer traces an invisible diagram in the air, explaining his plan as he speaks]*
**Spencer**: Okay, now, you're there. We come in from there. We go around there, and we meet there. Is that clear? Let's go!
*[Dad imitates Spencer drawing the diagram]*
**Dad**: It's not working!
**Spencer**: Dad, that was just a diagram.
**Ruby**: Well, we couldn't see it.
**Spencer**: Yeah. Fair point. Okay, the plan is this: dad creates a diversion at the entrance, allowing us to zip-line inside; mom neutralizes the first three guards; Ruby hacks into the alarm system and opens the door, so I can get to Fridge— *[Evil face]* and destroy him!
*[Ruby, Mom, and Dad look at him with shocked expressions]*
**Spencer**: *[Normal]* Verbally.
*[The plan begins. From the top of a building, Mom, Spencer, and Ruby watch a wary Tony at the entrance. Then he suddenly sees Dad, dressed like a woman. As he confusedly expresses himself quietly, Dad knocks him out with a fire hydrant. Dad gives two thumbs-ups]*
**Spencer**: Why'd you need to wear a dress to do that?
**Dad**: So I can do this.
*[Dad repeatedly spins around, playfully. Then Mom grabs a bar from an antenna]*
**Mom**: Come on, guys! Hold on to me.
*[They crash into a warning scene, and slide down]*
**TV Narrator**: Warning: These stunts are performed by cartoon characters. Do not under any circumstances attempt to imitate or recreate the majority of things that happen in cartoons. *Obviously.*
*[Mom, Spencer, and Ruby enter the town hall. A red guard notices them]*
**Mom**: Leave this to me!
*[Mom cracks her paws, her neck, her head, and her ears. Then she charges at the guard. But before she can land a punch on him, a title card with "BIFF!!" on it blocks the action]*
**Mom**: Did anyone see what happened? I'm pretty sure I didn't hit this guy.
**Purple Guard**: Hey!
*[The purple guard charges. Before Mom can kick him, another title card with "KAPOW!!" replace the action]*
**Mom**: What's going on? I didn't even touch him!
**Spencer**: I think Fridge still has the child lock on.
*[An orange guard charges, and "TWIDDLE" appears before he gets knocked out]*
**Mom**: "Twiddle?" What? And he's now censoring the sound effects as well?
*[More orange guards and a green security guard appear]*
**Mom**: You guys go on ahead. This is gonna be pretty boring to watch.
*[After Spencer and Ruby run off, Mom and the guards clash, but their fight is censored by yet another card with "EDITED!". Ruby and Spencer enter a corridor lined with surveillance monitors on each side]*
**Spencer**: What is all this?
**Ruby**: It must be where he monitors the whole town.
*[Spencer steps on something. It turns out to be bubble wrap]*
**Ruby**: We're getting close.
**Spencer**: Wait!
*[Spencer pops all of the bubbles on the sheet of bubble wrap]*
**Spencer**: Okay!
*[Spencer and Ruby walk towards the entrance to Fridge's lair]*
**Spencer**: Ugh! We need a code. How are we gonna get in?
**Ruby**: Don't worry. I have my ways. *[Types]* H *[Types]* A *[Types]* C *[Types]* K: Hack. Press enter.
*[The door opens]*
**Spencer**: Really? "Hack"?
**Ruby**: Just kidding. Actually, I bypassed the storage controller, tapped directly into the VNX array head, decrypted the Nearline SAS disks—
**Spencer**: *[Nods]* Mhm. *[Nods]* Mhm. *[Nods]* Mhm.
**Ruby**: Injected the flash drivers into the network's fiber pack, before disabling the IDS, routed incoming traffic through a bunch of offshore proxies—
**Spencer**: *[Steps back and nods]* Mhm. Mhm.
**Ruby**: Accessed the ESXi server cluster in the primary datacenter, and disabled the Inter-VSAN routing in the layer three—
*[Spencer leaves Ruby]*
### Revolution!

*[Spencer sees Fridge in his "lair," smiling almost innocently. He grabs a drape]*
**Spencer**: Revolution!
**Fridge**: Noooo! Use the stairs. It's safer.
*[Spencer sighs, jumps off a ledge, swings multiple times, and tries to reach for Fridge, but fails. The drape stops swinging]*
**Spencer**: Oh, whatever.
*[Spencer drops to the floor, and limps threateningly towards Fridge after dusting himself]*
**Fridge**: Spencer, that wasn't very safe. Did you hurt yourself?
**Spencer**: Yes. But that doesn't mean you're right!
**Fridge**: But, I'm doing this for your own good! I'm the hero here.
**Spencer**: Okay, man. Let me ask you one question: would a hero sit on a throne? Would a hero carry a riding crop? Would a hero hang out in a lair, surrounded with plans to take over the world?!
**Fridge**: That's three questions.
**Spencer**: That's—eh—that's not the point! Look at yourself!
*[Spencer grabs a camera, and points it to Fridge. Fridge sees himself]*
**Fridge**: D—Do you think—? Am I the villain?
**Spencer**: Mhm. *Mhm.*
**Fridge**: Did I go too far?
*[Spencer gestures to Fridge's security monitors, his rulebook, a map of some of the world's continents, and his hat]*
**Spencer**: Yes! Yes! Yes! No! The hat is awesome!
**Fridge**: What am I gonna do?
**Spencer**: Just accept that sometimes, life isn't safe.
**Fridge**: You're right. I'm gonna get rid of all these rules.
**Spencer**: Uh, before you do, can I add one?
### All Hail the Lords of Brantford!

*[The scene skips to Brantford Junior High, just as the bell rings. Spencer and Fridge (dressed with hats) pass by a school corridor. Leslie, Banana Joe, Tobias, Carmen, and Sarah suddenly line up]*
**Tobias**​​​​: All hail the mighty Spencer and Fridge, lords of Brantford!
*[After they salute, they slap themselves, and Spencer and Fridge laugh. The episode ends]*