College, Hell, What's The Difference?

**College, Hell, What's The Difference?** is a Just For Funsies episode of Overly Sarcastic Productions. In it, Red and Blue create their own vision of a Hell based on college, taking inspiration from Dante's Inferno as their source material.

Note: Anything in quotation marks is a direct quote from the video.

## Origin

One day, when Blue was supposed to be studying for finals but wasn't because he didn't want to, Red and Blue had a discussion about Blue's floormate getting all 8 am classes at registration. Red comments that that was a circle of Hell all on its own. Blue runs with the idea and two hours of not studying for finals later, they complete their "Hell-As-College" list of things.

## First Circle

The people in the Circle of Limbo of Hell-College are the prospies who never found it in their hearts to commit. Their punishment is simply to not go to college and live in their parent's basements forever.

## Second Circle

The people in the Circle of Lust of Hell-College are the people who "used all the condoms, sexiled their roommate one too many times, talked about their sexploits over dinner when literally nobody asked or wanted to hear or engaged in such behaviors at an inordinately high volume, not thinking to account for the thinness of the walls or floors". Their punishment is to be hit upon by a creepy person at a frat party for eternity.

## Third Circle

The people in the Circle of Gluttony of Hell-College are the people who hoarded dining hall food for some reason. Their punishment is to have nothing to eat *but* dining hall food.

## Fourth Circle

The people in the Circle of Avarice of Hell-College are the "pretentious dickweeds" who chose their major solely to get a lucrative job and never shut up about all the internships they qualify for. Their punishment is to be forced to work as a Burger King fry cook.

## Fifth Circle

The people in the Circle of Wrath and Sullenness of Hell-College are the people who seem surprised, angry or mopey at the prospect of having to take exams. ("Doing work at college? Inconcievable!) Fittingly, their punishment is to stress and study forever. And there is also a Really Bad Part: if they ever take their eyes off their work, they instantly forget everything. This last comment is punctuated by evil laughter from Red and Blue.

## Sixth Circle

The people in the Circle of Heretics of Hell-College are the people who complain about having terrible teachers despite teachers being overworked and overstressed. Their punishment is holding office hours in burning cubicles and explaining the same concept to bored adolescents over and over again. This last comment is also punctuated by evil laughter.

## Seventh Circle

The people in the Circle of Violence of Hell-College are, like Dante's Inferno, divided into three rings.

1. The first ring is for those who callously trashed the rooms of others, which according to Red is "about as close to murder as you can get in college". Their punishment is to remain in their rooms with the sprinklers going off forever.
2. The second ring is for those who engage in overly self-destructive behaviour. Their punishment is to be transformed into expensive textbooks. Red explains that this is a reference to the forest of suicide in the actual Seventh Circle, as paper comes from trees.
3. The Ring of the Blasphemers is for those "unsatisfied bellends" who solve their problems by complaining to everyone who'll listen and even some who won't about the university as a whole, despite actively going there and not making an effort to transfer. Their punishment is to go around wearing sweaters from rival universities and dealing with the social consequences thereof.

## Eight Circle

As in Dante's Inferno, the Circle of the "Malebullcrap" is divided into multiple bolges. A running gag through this segment is Red mispronouncing bolge and Blue getting mad about it.

1. The first bolge is for those who, when assigned to group work, did nothing and instead sucked up to the one team member who's actually working. Their punishment is pulling their weight in the form of dragging boulders in an endless twisted relay race.
2. The Bolge of Flattery is for the teacher's pets who endlessly kiss up to their professors. Their punishment is to be turned into that which they wish to become: actual pets.
3. The third bolge is for the irredeemable kind of asshole who signs up for hundreds of primetime slots the moment registration starts and then sells them off for exhorbitant prices. Their punishment is eternal 8 am classes whilst upside down and on fire.
4. The fourth bolge is for those who try to cheat their own future by immorally procuring the previous year's study materials. Their punishment is to eternally use the wrong study guides, and thus show up to their biology final armed with perfect knowledge of 18th Century French History.
5. The Bolge of the Barrators is for the students who try to line up "buisness opportunities" with other students, despite these opportunities basically being Ponzi schemes. Their punishment is Red's favourite: the worst job interview ever. After a brief moment of mania for Red, we move to...
6. The Bolge of the Hypocrites, for the starry-eyed freshmen who's work ethic collapses after a single semester as they sink into a puddle of alcohol and missed classes. Their punishment is to explain their deteriorating grades to their parents over an eternally awkward dinner while smelling of weed.
7. The Bolge of the Thieves is for people who steal unattended laptops in the library with no regard for the countless essays and assignments they're murdering. Red and Blue consider these people to be actual bastards. Their punishment is to be eternally pursued by Liam Neeson.
8. The Bolge of the Decievers are for people who trick their friends by saying they'll stick together during housing and then leave to get a single on their own. Their punishment is to be stuck in the worst room on campus.
9. The ninth bolge (which Red says in Spanish) is for the gossipers who spread their lies. After a suspiciously specific denial from Blue regarding his athiesm, Red explains that their punishment is to be gossipped about. Blue elaborates on this before saying that Red is no longer allowed to say bolge only for Red to pronounce it correctly. Blue loses it.
10. As Blue goes Super Saiyan in the background, Red explains the final bolge is for those who cheat - specifically, those who plagiarize other people's work for their own use. Blue chills out and explains that he's taking a cue from Umbridge and having the unfortunate cheater branded repeatedly with every word they've ever stolen. Red and Blue burst into evil laughter after a remark to hope the cheaters stole something short.

## Ninth Circle

The Circle of Traitors is, again like Dante's Inferno, divided into several categories These are:

1. The Traitors to Kin, who spend all their parents' money. Their punishment is to be frozen in the nearest body of water.
2. The Traitors to Common Decency, who betray their friends by leaving their clothes in the wash for hours. Their punishment is to be trapped in a washing machine with everyone else in that category and someone's laundry. If you actually do this, Red and Blue think you're a monster.
3. The Traitors to Household Decency, who have a snog - or worse - while the roommate is *still in the room*. Even if they're asleep. Their punishment is to be naked forever, because "If you want to be indecent in the company of others, so help me God, you will be indecent in the company of others!"
4. And finally... the people who are mean to their teachers. This, to Red and Blue, is the most heinous of all crimes, and if you are mean to your teachers, they hate you and everything you stand for. The people who fit this category are punished by eternally drowning in the school's tuition vault while the university president watches and laughs.