Reopening Up/Transcript

The following is the transcript for the Dumb Teacher: Re-Dumbened Season 1 episode, *Reopening Up.*

## Nobody Cares Anymore/Flattening Curve

*(The episode begins without the usual Dumb Teacher: Re-Dumbened intro. The scene opens with a white text on a black background that says, "Previously on Dumb Teacher, Dumb Teacher In Canada & Dumb Teacher... At Home!...". An orchestra similar to "One Last Wish" by James Horner plays throughout. The scene then fades to a scene from The Final Finale (or McNeese's Wedding), where Dan and his friends are seen standing in the playground of Greenhill Elementary, trying to convince Ashley that McNeese is getting married to Martha)*

* **Ashley**: You mean he's actually getting married to Martha?
* **Logan**: Yeah! We all know because we've seen him out on dates with proposal plans on the mind.
* **Ashley**: Oh. My. God!

*(The scene then fades to black and then fades to a scene from the Dumb Teacher In Canada Season 4 episode, We're Outta Here! Part III, where McNeese can be seen driving Martha and his students home)*

* **McNeese**: Well, the best part is, now that we've gotten rid of Martha's parents, we can finally head back to the good ol' USA and me and Martha can have a normal relationship.
* **Dan**: Yeah, with a little racism blended in.

*(The scene then cuts to GHTV News, where a news reporter is seen excited)*

* **GHTV Reporter**: Putting the town's most racist couple and standalone child behind, all you Greenhillers rejoice because every single student that disappeared, including our one and only child prodigy, Daniel Evans, are back! They're back everybody! Oh, it's a miracle!

*(The scene fades to black and then fades to a scene from the Dumb Teacher... At Home episode, Sick Day... At Home!, where a sick Dan can be seen using Swish to communicate with his friends, who are also sick)*

* **Dan**: Guys... *(coughs)* I don't think we should attend anymore online meetings with McNeese.

*(The scene cuts to Logan)*

* **Logan**: Yeah, same. *(coughs)*
* **Tom**: Let's get outta here. *(coughs)*

*(Everyone then logs out of Swish. The scene then cuts to black after Dan shuts down and the Dumb Teacher logo fades in with text above it saying, "And now, on" while the music slowly fades out)*

* **Narrator**: And now, on Dumb Teacher... *(A stamp appears in front of the logo saying "RE-DUMBENED")* Re-Dumbened...

*(The scene fades out and then fades in to Logan's room, where a panorama of his room is seen. "Stal" by C418 can be heard playing in the background. The camera then cuts to his floor, which is a mess and is flooded with junk food and drinks, Happy Tree Friends & anime merchandise, a ZooPhobia comic open on two pages, and Doctor Who audio drama CDs. The scene then fades to a shot of Logan, who is seen sitting on a chair next to a CD player looking deadpan. The Doctor Who audio story, "City of Spires" can be heard playing on the player)*

* **Logan**: *(mimicking the Sixth Doctor)* "Look, I'm the Doctor. Does that mean anything to you?" *(mimicking Jamie McCrimmon)* "Aye. Means you charge a pretty penny for a compass and a powder." *(mimicking Doctor)* "Mind you, I looked different back then." *(mimicking Jamie)* "Back when?"

*(The music keeps playing as Logan's speech is suddenly muffled)*

* **Logan**: *(off-screen; narrating)* You may be wondering why the hell I'm mimicking the Doctor and Jamie out of boredom, right? Well, in case you've been out of touch or you were in a coma for 2 or more years, we've been trapped in a pandemic thanks to a virus from China known as the Coronavirus, otherwise known as COVID-19. Believe me, before all hell broke loose when COVID began, me and my friends had a *lot* of adventures. On one of them, we were stuck in Canada with every student from Greenhill Elementary along with our racist teacher and his equally racist French wife. Then after that, COVID came along, and, believe it or not, every single fun place, even the school, was locked down because of that dumb virus. Ever since all that shit happened, life in Greenhill has gone *way* downhill, and everyone affected by the pandemic, including me and my friends, have all become deadpan. Nobody cares anymore, not even the adults and our parents.

*(On-screen Logan finishes speaking as a knock is heard on his door. After a second, his mom comes in with a deadpan look)*

* **Susan**: *(lowbrow voice)* Son, are you listening to your Doctor Who CDs instead of attending online classes?
* **Logan**: *(lowbrow)* Yup.
* **Susan**: *(lowbrow)* Well, okay then, I was just making sure.

*(Susan leaves the room and closes his door)*

* **Logan**: *(off-screen; narrating)* See that? Nobody cares! 3 months after online school began, every student has since been cutting online school and doing nothing out of boredom, but, like I said, no adult cares, not even the school faculty. For instance, all I ever do instead of online school is listen to Doctor Who audio dramas I’ve already heard, like the one you heard in the beginning.

*(The scene cuts to Dan sitting on his blue beanbag and drinking clear soda)*

* **Logan**: *(narrating)* All Dan does all day is watch every known kadsresatsu movie and El Kadsreian tapes of lost DW episodes, which were recently shipped back to Britain after a good while.

*(The scene cuts to James sitting on his bed in front of his TV whilst eating a huge bucket of popcorn)*

* **Logan**: *(narrating)* James, basically, binges, both in TV and in food.

*(The scene cuts to James' TV, where Thor can be seen playing)*

* **Thor**: *(on TV)* This drink, I like it.
* **Jane Foster**: *(on TV)* I know, it's great, right?
* **Thor**: *(on TV)* Another!

*(Thor smashes the mug on the floor to everyone's surprise on the TV. The scene cuts to Tom sitting in the living room drinking bottled water and watching TV)*

* **Logan**: *(narrating)* As for Tom, *(scene cuts to Tom's TV, which first shows a shot from Michael Jackson's Thriller music video, and then a scene from Roman J. Israel, Esq.)* he just watches Michael Jackson videos and D. Washington movies.

*(The scene finally cuts to Choki, where he is seen sitting on his loveseat eating a cup of InstRam ramen)*

* **Logan**: *(narrating)* Finally, for Choki, he just lounges on his loveseat-bed all day, eating instant ramen and watching nothing but anime filler.

*(The scene cuts to a shot of Logan and his mom eating a box of pizza while slouching on the couch watching TV)*

* **Logan**: *(narrating)* And when I say the adults no longer care, I *mean* it. The only food we ever eat from now on is just junk food. Sure, it sounds awesome, but if it’s because of the pandemic, it just gets too much for everyone, even kids who don’t like healthy foods. *(in-person)* Mom, why can’t we have any fruits or vegetables?
* **Susan**: Because, we’re in a rut all thanks to this crappy Chinese virus. Now eat your pizza.
* **Logan**: Alright... *(continues eating pizza, starts narrating off-screen)* However, things are starting to get a lot better now. Some of our favorite stores and restaurants seem to be reopening up, the curve for COVID is flattening, thank God, and, best of all, we're allowed to see our friends again! Well, as long as we still wear face masks and keep our distance from each other. Oh, you know what? Who the hell cares?! But this isn't where the flattening began. It happened the *very* next day!

*(The scene then cuts to black as the music slowly fades out. After its done fading out, the scene cuts to a shot of Logan's messy room. His phone alarm goes off to a tune similar to "I'm Blue (Da Ba Dee)")*

* **Alarm**: I'm bored of this pandemic, oh, I am bored, I am bored of this pandemic, oh, I am bored, I am bored of this fucking pandemic. I'm-

*(Logan turns off his alarm on his phone. He then gets up from his bed with his pillow attached to his head. After taking two steps from his bed, he steps on something that squeaks and emits a laughter similar to Fliqpy's from Happy Tree Friends. Logan looks down and sees that he stepped on a Fliqpy plush. He then kicks it to the right as it makes another squeak and emits Fliqpy's infamous "battle cry" The scene then cuts to Logan's kitchen, which is shown to be in a huge mess of old food, mold, and unclean stains. Susan can be seen cooking panko chicken on a Foreman Grill-like device)*

* **DJ Rotten Robbie**: *(deadpan; on kitchen radio)* This is DJ Rotten Robbie, bringing you music all the way from my rundown apartment on Paconea Drive, this is, for the 500th time this week, Maybe Baby by William Benter.

*("Maybe Baby" by William Benter begins to play on the radio. Logan then enters the kitchen and pours a bowl of cereal for himself before walking to the table and taking a seat. He then hears the radio)*

* **Logan**: *(groans)* Maybe Baby by Benter again? Is that all this station ever plays now?

*(Logan switches the network to GHTV Radio, where a news program can be heard playing on the radio)*

* **News Anchor**: *(on kitchen radio)* ...And that's how Luxembourg's GDP per capita increased from $136,606 to $136,607. Now, on to more exciting news! Recently, COVID-19 levels in Greenhill and the United States, among other countries, are slowly starting to settle down, which means that the curve for COVID is starting to flatten. Restaurants, stores and schools across Greenhill are starting to reopen up for the first time since 2020, the year Greenhill's first ever COVID lockdown began. God, it's about frickin' time! Now I can finally go to Store Mart and get my hands on that Johnny Johnny Yes Papa DVD. And yes, I am one of those people who obsess over baby stuff like-

*(Logan then turns off the radio and runs up to Susan as "I'm So Excited" by The Pointer Sisters begins to play in the background)*

* **Logan**: Mom! Did you hear? Every store and restaurant in Greenhill is opening up once again! Can you believe it?
* **Susan**: Oh my God! That's great, Logie! Now we won't have to act deadpan or eat nothing but junk anymore. Tonight, we're having a healthy dinner.
* **Logan**: I know, right? This sounds stupid for a kid, but I can't wait to eat my greens tonight. I also can't wait to see my friends! *(runs out of the kitchen)*
* **Susan**: *(calling)* Wait, Logan, where are you going?!
* **Logan**: *(calling back from the hall)* I'm gonna visit my friends. See ya later!
* **Susan**: *(calling)* But you haven't even... *(door closes)* touched your breakfast yet.

*(The scene cuts to the street, where Logan can be seen running past different houses, where kids and adults are leaving excited)*

* **Logan**: *(off-screen; narrating)* After hearing that COVID was starting to slow down, I was so excited, I wanted to tell my friends and hang with them that same day. However, my friends had solo plans that day.

*(The scene cuts to the front of a BI-LO with text on the bottom saying, "Capulco, El Kadsre" for 2 seconds before cutting to somewhere inside the store, where Dan can be seen scouring through the discount movie bin)*

* **Dan**: Alright, COVID's flattening, which means I can find discount movies from El Kadsre to make fun of and burn. *(Dan picks up a DVD case and is shocked)* What? 40 Years A Teenage Vampire? My favorite anime movie, in a discount bin? *(puts case back and sighs in disbelief)* Whoever put that there certainly hates anime.

*(The scene then cuts to a shot of James's house for three seconds, and then cuts to his kitchen, where he can be seen carrying a bucket of fried chicken in his right arm. He then sits at his table)*

* **James**: Here we go, my first bucket of fried chicken in a year. *(begins eating the chicken)* Holy shit, this tastes... LIKE GARBAGE! *(spits out the chicken and throws the bucket away)* They must've changed the goddamn recipe or something, 'cause that's not how it used to taste. *(pulls out phone)* I'm definitely giving that restaurant a one-star review now.

*(The scene cuts to a skate park, where a skateboard geared-up Tom can be seen skateboarding around the ramps while performing moves)*

* **Tom**: Alright! I call this trick the "Sky Hustle".

*(Tom rides his skateboard into the sky and performs several kick flips and body flips before landing back down on the ramp. The scene then cuts to Choki's mini-home, where Choki can be seen binge watching Studio Ghibli movies while sitting next to a pile of DVDs and eating a plate of ebi fry. A scene from Kiki's Delivery Service is seen playing on his TV)*

* **Jiji**: *(in Japanese; subtitled)* Kiki, which way are we going?
* **Kiki**: *(in Japanese; subtitled)* To the south, where we can see the ocean.
* **Choki**: Now that COVID's flattening, I'm no longer depressed and I won't have to eat just noodles anymore. All my spirits have been restored. Both high and in anime-watching.

*(Logan can be seen dancing on a dancing game at an arcade)*

* **Logan**: *(off-screen; narrating)* But you know what? It's alright. School starts again tomorrow, and me and my friends have plans this Saturday to have lots, and I mean *lots*, of fun!

*(The scene cuts to Greenhill Elementary, where every student can be seen talking to each other while entering the classroom)*

* **Dan**: Jesus, I can't believe it's been a year since I last saw you guys in real life!
* **Logan**: I know, right?! By the way, I hope McNeese isn't in. I-In fact, I hope he gave up his job, 'cause I'm sick of him already, even though it's been a year since we last saw him.
* **Tom**: Too late, he is.
* **Logan**: *(facepalms, then sighs)* Fuck.
* **Tom**: Who were you expecting? Mr. Lee? He's dead!

*(Every student moves to their desk and takes their seat. McNeese then enters the classroom)*

* **McNeese**: Good fuckin' morning, pickaninnies and honky white pickaninnies, I'm Mr. McNeese and welcome back to Greenhill fuckin' Elementary. After a year of online classes and panic buying toilet paper in order to protect ourselves from that goddamn chink virus, we’re finally fuckin' back... *(sarcastically)* and I'm really lookin' forward to teaching you guys again!
* **Logan**: Wait, really?
* **McNeese**: NO, YOU FUCKIN' WHITE BLONDE-HAIRED VERSION OF THAT BLUE-HAIRED COTTON PICKIN' COON WHO SITS NEXT TO YOU!
* **Tom**: Hey!

*(McNeese grabs Logan and Tom and slaps both of them across the face)*

* **McNeese**: Now, to fuckin' starts things off today, let's do a fuckin' Kahoot...

*(The class gasps in excitement)*

* **McNeese**: On racist history. Everyone, get a fuckin' laptop.

*(The class then groans angrily, excluding Duncan. McNeese then gets a notification from his phone, and pulls it out from his back beford checking it, and pulls a surprised face)*

TBA