FUNNY thing of the day

FUNNY THINGS for the time being....

1. ZE JUMPAR MEMEZ page
2. My boss told me yesterday, “You shouldn't dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want”. But when I turned up today in Ghostbusters clothes, he said I was fired.
3. I thought my neighbours were lovely people. Then they went and put a password on their wi-fi.
4. Q. What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? A. I don’t know, and I don’t care.
5. A lot of people cry when they cut an onion. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
6. The past, present and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
7. What do you call bears with no ears? B
8. Two gold fish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says, “You know how to drive this thing?!”
9. I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.
10. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
11. I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh. Sadly, no pun in 10 did.
12. A German, Asian, and an American walked in to a bar. I ducked.
13. We have fingertips but no toe tips. Yet we can tip toe and not tip finger.......
14. Who is a chicken’s favorite musician? Bach.
15. What happens when you go on a date with a root vegetable?Your heart beets fast.
16. What’s the scariest kind of beverage?The tea-rex.
17. Why did the bike fall over? It was two tired.
18. What kind of bagel can fly?A plain bagel
19. Why are skeletons lonely? They have no body.
20. What kind of fruit is a crook? A Strobbery.
21. How do you make holy water? Take regular water and boil the hell out of it.
22. Sometimes I feel like I have my life together and then I'm like WOW that was a really nice 45 seconds..
23. Who walks into a restaurant, eats shoots and leaves? A panda.
24. There are two muffins in an oven.One muffin turns to the other muffin and says, "Boy, it's hot in here." The other muffin says, "OH MY GOD A TALKING MUFFIN."
25. Q. What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? A. put it on my "bill".
26. What do you call a fish without eyes? FSH
27. Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're gonna pay. You have my Word.
28. How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.
29. What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye matey.
30. I, for one, like Roman numerals.
31. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
32. Q: what did the construction worker say after he finished a fence? A: NAILED IT
33. Things to do today: 1.wake up 2.survive 3. go back to bed
34. potatoes have skin... I have skin...therefore I MUST BE A POTATO!
35. Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award? A: Because he was outstanding in his field
36. Today at the bank an old lady asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over
37. Q: What lights up a soccer stadium? A: A soccer match.
38. I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner as all it was doing was gathering dust.
39. Meanwhile, in a parallel universe: “Oh for God’s sake! Where are all these extra single socks coming from?!”
40. Are you a cheetah? NO, you lion!

PLEASE ADD YOUR OWN JOKES/MEMES HERE AND LEAVE A COMMENT IF SOMETHING MADE YOU LAUGH OR SMILE. LET MINNOW IN THE COMMENTS. :P THANK YOU!!! please do not make fun of others or your self