Season 3 Episode 8: Please Protect Her Ok?

DM Tom your prayer requests

The boys have entered the dark world of anti-woke streamer Melonie Mac. Nate tells us about Nants in his own words plus another terrible episode of Lethal Weapon that we aren't going to talk about.

## Episode Summary

It's the first episode of the new year, 2023! Happy New Year Clayniacs and Clayniettes!

This was yet another very bad episode so the hosts don't talk about it for more than a few minutes. They cover all kinds of Freaks online and we also learn what big freaks the hosts themselves are (see *Get to know your hosts* section). Nate gets a whiff of a bike seat at the gym and provides a lengthy excuse for doing so. Drew backs Tom and makes Nate go off, disturbing Arrow. Lots of medical advice in this one too.

Before the recording, Tom was on yet another vacation for a few days, so he let Nate's brother Ben (@BetrayedMan1990, send him a follow request) and then Nate (@Nateruessmusic) run his account. There were a lot of bizarre retweets and vague allusions to an upcoming musical release. This lead to a lot of hype and confusion, especially among *Fun.* fans. Finally, it was revealed that it was TOM all along, making fools out of all of us.

### New years resolutions:

**Tom:** He’s already perfect so why change? He just wants to stay the same. Keep it T-O-M!

**Nate:** Yell More (specifically at Drew and Tom).

**Drew:** Lose 100lbs in 4 weeks.

**For the Podcast as a whole:** A truce between Nate & Drew is put forward, but it depended on Drew not mentioning the Nants and was scrapped mere seconds later.

### Father-Son-Updates

All three are awful parents and have not only neglected their sons, but also might have plotted to have them killed. Drew is the GOAT dad. Nate wants the big French kid. The sons current whereabouts are unknown, but there is little time left to worry, as fate dropped a new baby boy on the hosts collective lap: **AR15**!

This boy appears to be a flamboyant racist who's totally sending it. He voices strong support for the first and second amendment, but also wants Elon Musk and/or the US Government to ban porn, which he is addicted to. Sounds like he'll need intense parenting from the hosts!

**Lessons:** As a parent you need to create (physical) boundaries. Make sure the cage is secured.

### Watch-a-long

!!!! Click here !!!! (you also get a really nice Duck moment about halfway through!)

### Episode Recap

> „You told Shana about tub-time?!”
> -      Roger
>
>

A key witness in the new assistant DA's big fish mobster case narrowly survives an assassination attempt, and Roger and Cole get tasked with protecting him until the trial. That very mobster gets murdered shortly after and it turns out maybe the witness could be involved. All this time, Cole deals with the aftermath of kissing his ex, which causes a big stink with her fiancée. Roger and Trish get on each others nerves and she tells him she needs space. Eventually everyone ends up at a LA Kings hockey game hence the episode title and after a brief and unspectacular parking lot gunfight everything gets wrapped up in the last few minutes, as per usual. At least this one wasn't as multilayered as usual, possibly due to the absence of an RJ subplot.

Despite only talking about it for less than 4 minutes, each of the hosts gave the episode a rating:

 Tom
 Nate

Starts in *Miceli’s*, a bustling italian restaurant. Some scruffy guy comes in and demands a table and even though the maître-d says they’re, full he marches in.
Later that night that very maître-d says good night to a Mister Corsetti as he's driving off, and then his own car gets towed Suddenly he spots a BOMB!! They run away just before it explodes.
Cole calls Nat while driving and she hasn’t told her fiancée about their kiss. Just then that fiancée shows up and tells her he’s planning a big night tomorrow. Cole gets distracted and rear ends Erica, a snazzy woman.
Next is the MMM, Trish and Rog are having coffee and discussing sinful things. They talk about a girls night and how Roger loves to watch Top Chef.
At the station Cole tells Roger about his window of opportunity to get back Nat and Scorsese offers to help in his usual tight shirt, saying he has "all the time in the world!". Avery wants them in the room for a call with the new deputy DA, turns out its just the same woman Cole bumped into before, Erica Malick!
Cole hides under the table and she explains that she’s after Tony Corsetti, a big fish mobster. She’s got a witness, Elliot Nunziata, who Tony tried to kill last night! So, she wants the LAPD to babysit him until the trial. Eventually Cole pops up and she realizes he’s Rogers partner and we all laugh heartily.
Roger is with the Elliot, the witness, who has ordered shrimp cocktails and put on the hockey game. We find out Murtaugh isn't a hockey guy, and Elliot met some celebrity on a plane who gave him 2 tickets to every LA Kings game for da rest of his life. Wow. Cole decides to stalk Erica to Micelis and just when she tries to shake him loose they hear a gunshot, and he storms into the restaurant. They find Corsetti shot dead with his head in a bowl of pasta out of the back alley Cole sees someone speeding off in a sportscar.
Cole commandeers Ericas car and she gets in for some reason and they speed off after it. Meanwhile, Roger and Elliot  are talking hockey when the  game gets interrupted because there’s a high speed chase currently going on – the one Cole is in!
Roger calls Cole and Elliot gives him advice on which roads to take but of course it leads them to crash in a fish market and loose the car they’re after. To add insult to injury, a dozen of frozen fish fall into the car. Cole quips that she may not have caught her big fish but a bunch of small ones. These are the jokes we’re getting.
They head back to the hotel safehouse where Elliot and Roger have been having the time of their lives. Erica is there too and confronts Elliot about what he really knows, and he reluctantly tells them about a 2 million dollar robbery Tony was involved in last week and gives them the name of Tony's partner.
Roger and Erica leave, and Elliot then psychoanalyzes Cole and convinces him to get Nat to come over into the lobby and he’ll sort of coach him through getting her back. He then handcuffs Elliot and heads out. Nothing can go wrong!
Somewhere in the wilderness, Avery and Roger are strolling along a road when they see a poorly painted no trespassing sign warning about losing limbs form explosions. Before they can make sense of it, a big bomb goes of ahead of them.
Turns out it’s a hillabilly called Blinky, the guy who Elliot claimed Tony did the heist with. He tells them Tony stashed the money in Micelis, the Italian restaurant! He also informs them the only one with the safe key is the maîtres’ d – Elliot!
Back in the lobby Cole makes an ass of himself waiting for Nat. He’s on a video call with Elliot, whom he’s left alone in the room, handcuffed to a shower curtain rod. Roger calls and he takes the call, and then Erica shows up – everyone is here! Roger informs them that it was Elliot who took the money and when Cole swipes back to the other call, only to see empty handcuffs dangling there.
Erica and Cole run up to the room only to find a note telling Cole he’ll get the girl. They head back to the station and watch the surveillance tape. There they see some woman they identify as Jill who helped Elliot escape. Tom noticed the woman go by and said she looked suspicious before, good detective work, Tom! Then, Erica confides in Cole she’s worried people will think she’s only there because her mother is some powerful politician, when in fact we don't care about any of that.
Roger comes home and interrupts one of Trish’s GIRLS NIGHTS, and it escalates quickly when a red haired lady says Trish criticized Murtaughs goatee. Trish also told them about “tub time”, which is where he spends long periods of time in the bathtub because it’s funny. He storms of like the big baby he is. Surreal.
Nat comes by to Coles motel room, crying. Andrew, her fiancée, saw the text Cole sent about them kissing and ran away, and she can’t be with him bla bla bla she leaves.
Meanwhile, Roger is running himself in a nice hot bath. **TUB TIME!** But some commotion attracts him to the living room. There, Cole is surrounded by all the women spilling his guts about Nat, and they're eating it up.
Suddenly Elliot calls Rog and pretends everything is good. He claims he took the money as a crime of opportunity, and he has to go because he’s already in a tropical paradise and these piñas won’t colada themselves, to which Cole laughs like an idiot. He hangs up but Murtaugh overheard the traffic report on the TV in the background and deduces Elliot is still in town!
They zip on over to the station (this is all the same day) and have a video call with Erica. Why not drive over to her? Anyway, they tell her they found out the money was from a Fabrizio Stavos aka “Stavos the Greek”. This guy is an EVEN BIGGER Fish than Tony Corcetti. He makes Tony look like Smelt, a type of very small fish.
The next day, Stavos pays Blinky a visit, who quickly tells him Elliot has the money.
Back at the station, Andrew waltzes in, like any civilian can on this show, and confronts Cole about his homewrecking. He also asks him what the hell is up with his tattoos! Andrew the GOAT! He was gonna take the night off to propose to Nat at the Kings game today. Cole tells him Nat is so great and he’s still in love with her but she loves Andrew. He tells him to not throw it all away and Andrew storms off.
He video calls his new BFF Erica and they figure out Elliot will likely be at the Kings playoff game!
Elliot and Jill are at the game, but so is Stavos. Elliot doesn’t even have a hat on! He sits down in plain view when Jill calls, but instead of her its Stavos who has taken Jill hostage. Cole and Roger show up too and confront Elliot. He points Cole in Jills direction, and Roger takes him to the car where he stashed the 2 million.
In the parking lot, Stavos and his goons see Elliot and Roger and open fire. Elliot gets hit but eventually Murtaugh shoots the henchmen and gets the drop on Stavos and cuffs him.
Cole sees Jill but also, Nat and Andrew are at the game and he sees them too and gets super confused! He tells Jill to run and the two goons with her turn to him and start beating him up. Meanwhile, the Kiss-cam zooms in on Andrew proposing to Nat! Cole is watching this the whole time but eventually beats up the bad guys.
They save the day.
Roger visits Elliot in the hospital, where he’s cuffed to the bed. He gives Roger a brown envelope allegedly including the lifetime tickets to every Kings game he mentioned earlier. Roger happily accepts this, and probably breaks yet another law.
Cole is in the station where he flirts with Erica, who is suddenly lounging in the office *in person*. Then Nat calls and they both cry a bit. Moving on.
Roger makes amends with Trish, and later that night he heads out to have a few brewskis with Cole on the motel balcony. As Drew said completely believably, another great episode!

## Notable Quotes

### Superchill Nate

* „Hot Mamma ding dong!!“
* “I’m gonna ghost you guys. I’m gonna ghost you guys big time!”
* “’member Clayne?”
* “You wanna do war, we can do war!”
* “He’s prayin’ with one hand, that’s all I know.”
* "What happened to this Podcast?"

### Drew

* „Your body is not made to work off just meat and cheese.”
* “*Jakers*!”
* “If it weren't for you, we wouldn't even have a podcast. It'd just be me and Nate watching Jakers all day.”
* “A big part of our show is…collecting boys.”
* “We’re JTTP!” (Just takin the piss m8)
* "I'm not a Cat! I'm not a Cat!"

### Toxic Tom, the great big bully (rude)

* "New year, new *us*!"
* “No one has more fun online than me. I’m just always havin’ a good time.”
* “I don’t bully anyone!”
* “I fooled everybody.”
* “I was just memein’ bro. Y U so upset?”

## The Leftist Angle

Americans are allowed to talk about Canadian politics, but they usually only make use of that right for about 15 seconds a year.

## CCEUpdates/AMPDates

Drew and Nate are writing a men's dietary self-help **book** which will be published soon.

### Production Notes

Claynecast is only a small fraction of what the hosts have in store for a Lethal Weapon reboot (see for example Season 4). During this episode, the hosts put forward some ideas for how they would improve the episode itself, and the show in general. Imagine them in a big office (perhaps like the ones in the early season 1 episodes), putting up ideas on a whiteboard. There will be lots of brainstorming and times where no phones are allowed.

Drew:

* wouldn't have shot it at all
* first of all, write a good episode (more consistency all around)

Tom:

* Take the film out of the camera and shoot it with a gun
* Tell SWS not to stand like that

A lot of the notes seem focused on SWS's hand tattoos and how to hide them. A Austin Powers style scene where they hide the tats cleverly would be a great addition the the show.

### CCAP Prayer Requests

This week, the boys say prayers up for **Jeremy Renner**, who got badly injured in a snow plow accident. They wish him a speedy recovery so he can get back to pointing a gun at his wife.

**FYI:** You can now put in your own prayer requests in the discord in their very own #prayer-requests channel!

## Get to know your Host(s)

Each of our lovely hosts has had run ins with Pianos.

Nate obviously is a musical genius and can make those keys dance or whatever pianists say.

Drew disliked his piano lessons because he wanted to watch Rugrats, which aired at the same time so he had to wait several days until he could watch the rerun.

Tom disliked the piano because he wasn’t allowed to play Nintendo while his sister was having lessons. Bummer!

Drew is neither a cat nor a pussy.

## Trivia

Iced Tea is great for neck pain, preferably applied with prime rib and mashed potatoes.

Nants always protect the Queen.

A basement in Ohio is a great place to workout in.

**Nachos** are a Mexican culinary dish consisting of fried tortilla chips or *totopos* covered with melted cheese or cheese sauce, as well as a variety of other toppings and garnishes.

**StephenTV** Won *Freak of the Year 2022*. Congrats! A late entry, but struck with such force he beat out all competitors.

Second Place: Whutley or Whatley

The cover image for this episode contains cuss words so this page uses a censored version.

## Freaky Figures

First episode of the new year (2023).

3rd episode in a row that hey barely talked about the episode at all.

Nate quits the pod yet again, but this time it’s for real and it’s the 14th or 15th time this has happened. (more or less, somebody can count it).

Nate reprimands Arrow at 49:41.

## Clayne-foreCasting

You've heard of Twitter Blue, now get ready for Twitter *Drew*: For a measly $4.99/month, you block all Drews posts and RTs. No more baby yoda quotes on the TL!

Nate is gonna make some friends outside of the studio (but not during dry January).

Buckethead is gonna give Nate an acoustic guitar.

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