No Survivors - Snakes on the Chunnel

Ivan van Norman - Kenmeier

After having saved the president Barack Obama, Dick and Johnson go on vacation. Johnson, having misread the description of "underwater train" as "underwear train," has accidentally booked himself and Dick tickets on the train through the **Chunnel**. Sitting next to them on the train are Felicity, a Harry Potter LARPer, and Kenmeier, a regular commuter, who is on his way home to Amsterdam.

Soon after departure, the train comes to a halt, as something is blocking the tracks. Dick and Johnson spend the time conversing with their fellow passengers and the train's staff at the bar, and the train eventually begins to move again. A moment later, they hear a crash from a nearby compartment and the lights go out, leaving only the dim emergency lights. Dick, Johnson, Kenmeier, and Felicity go into the next car to investigate, as panicked passengers run the other way. Dick picks up a little girl named **Amy**, who is separated from her mother, but as he is carrying her on his shoulders through a door, she hits her head, falls to the ground, and runs away. The four attempt to track down Amy, and discover that there are motherfuckin' snakes on the train. They continue through the train, fighting their way past the snakes. As Felicity comes to accept that the snake attack is not part of a LARP, she reveals that "Felicity" is her Harry Potter role play character, and that she is actually **Fran**, a simple girl from the South.

After killing snakes of all shapes and sizes—one large enough for Johnson to craft leather jackets for all of them out of its skin—they reach the back of the train. As the train is also approaching the end of the Chunnel, the lights turn back on, and Amy appears, surrounded by snakes, speaking to them in parseltongue. Pulling out a wand, Kenmeier reveals himself to be an actual wizard from the Harry Potter world, and member of the Ministry of Magic, who has been sent to apprehend the Death Eater **Amy Riddle**. He quickly paralyzes her and then attempts to wipe the others' memories, but as he begins, Dick and Johnson take out black sun glasses and neuralizers, as they have secretly been members of the Men in Black ever since saving the president, and also attempt to wipe everyone's memory. Unsure of who should be allowed to keep what memories, the four of them are at a stand-off until Dick and Johnson summon Barack Obama. Dick resolves to use his magical wish, which he had been saving to wish for a Playstation 4, to instead wish for all of them, including Amy, to be happy.

The episode ends with Fran typing on a computer.

## Behind the Scenes

The final scene insinuates that the entire episode was part of a self-insert, crossover fanfiction Fran has been writing, but also leaves the possibility open that the events did happen, and that Fran is writing them down afterwards, either actually remembering them, or believing them to stem from her imagination after having been neuralized or charmed by a magic spell.

Within the Dick and Johnson series' canon, everything has actually happened, and Dick, Johnson, and Fran all kept their memories as shown during their reunion—although Fran seems to have trouble remembering her name.

Dick at one point mentions to Kenmeier that Britney Spears is dead because he was unable to save her from falling after a plane crash. This contradicts the second half of Episode I in which Britney returns, having saved herself during the fall, and later episodes in the series in which she is alive and well.