Student Body - Stewart, Josh - Diary

**June 20**

*Seven Mile Beach, Grand Cayman*

Something happened today that changed my life. I was on the beach, exploring the island, when I saw three guys beating up on this little kid. I got in the middle of it and pulled the kid away from them. I got a couple of bruises and a black eye, but it was worth it. The kid was okay.

Then this girl came over. She asked me if I was all right, and offered to help me find the kid's parents. But the whole time, she was giving me the most incredible look. Like I'd just done something unbelievable.

The truth is, she's the one who's unbelievable. I've dated a lot of pretty girls before, but none of them were like her. She looks like something out of a magazine. Like a movie star. A goddess.

Her name's Jenny.

**June 24**

I haven't written in three days because Jenny and I have been spending every second together. We went to the turtle farm yesterday. It was great. They've got these big pools with huge turtles swimming around in them. Some of the turtles are three or four feet long. Jenny took a photo of me holding one of the "mid-range" models, as she called them.

I feel so relaxed with Jenny. We're having the most incredible time together. I bought her this pin. It's a turtle wearing scuba gear. She's calling it her "Teenaged Mutant Scuba Turtle!"

Mom and Dad have been acting a little strange. I think they're sort of upset that I'm not spending more time with them. This is supposed to be a family vacation after all. Dad said we were celebrating my graduating high school with a straight 4.0 average. (Of course, I told him, hey, this is me we're talking about. What'd you expect?)

Jenny's dad is really well off. He brought his wife and Jenny down so they could have a holiday while he took care of business he had with all the banks down here.

We're going scuba diving tomorrow. I can't wait. The funny thing is, I don't really care what Jenny and I do together. Just so long as I'm with her.

**June 25**

Jenny and I went diving at the North Wall and visited Stingray City. The water's only ten or twelve feet deep, and the stingrays are harmless. They even like playing with people. I dropped one of them on Jenny's back when she wasn't looking. When we got back to the boat, she told me I'd better watch out--she was going to get me back. There was something about the way she looked right at that moment. I couldn't help myself. I kissed her. From the way she reacted, I don't think that kiss will be our last.

**June 28**

The past couple of days have been a blur. Jenny and I haven't stopped for a second--waterskiing, parasailing, sailboarding, you name it. While we were on a submarine tour of the reefs today, Jenny said she had something to tell me. It was just as this spectacular school of rainbow-colored fish went by that she gave me the news.

She's leaving in two days. In August, she'll be starting her sophomore year at Wintervale U. in North Dakota. I'm going back to Oregon. I'll be a freshman at my dad's alma mater, Willamette, back home in Salem. Something like half the country will be separating us.

Driving back and forth from North Dakota to Oregon every weekend isn't going to work, and I can't afford to fly there. Her family's got a lot of money, but I'm not going to ask her.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

**June 30**

Today was my last day with Jenny. I wanted to get her this emerald ring she liked, but I didn't have the money.

She gave me her e-mail address. We're going to write every day.

**July 26**

Jenny and I have been e-mailing each other every day since I got back home.

**To: Cougar**

**From: Isis**

**I miss you more than I can say. When we were diving, we never got to Cinderella's Castle. That doesn't matter. When I think of you, I feel like I'm the belle of the ball. A princess. And you're my prince.**

**Love Always,**

**Jenny**

**August 13**

**To: Isis**

**From: Cougar**

**I've been working at my dad's furniture store all summer, saving up for Winter Break. I know it seems far away, but it'll be here before we know it.**

**Yours 4Ever,**

**Josh**

**August 28**

I've made a decision. I'm going to Wintervale. Or at least I'm going to apply. With my grades and SAT scores, I have a good shot. And from what I've been reading in College Sports, Wintervale's basketball team could use the help.

My dad's royally ticked off about it. He's got my whole life planned out for me. But meeting Jenny's changed everything.

My dad's always on me, asking me when I'm gonna get serious about something. Well, I'm serious about this.

That's what I told him. We haven't talked in two days.

**September 11**

I got in. It's too late to transfer to Wintervale for first semester, but I can start second semester. I decided not to tell Jenny. I want it to be a surprise.

So here I am, stuck at Willamette for a while. I don't mean to sound like a jerk or anything. This is a good school. It's pretty tough. Nothing I can't handle, but Kevin and some of my other friends are really acting like they're not going to make it through a semester, let alone four years.

No matter how busy I am, I still e-mail Jenny every day. Sometimes she doesn't write back, but I know that's because she's really swamped with all her sorority stuff. She mentioned this girl, Gia Gibson, a freshman she tried to help out who turned around and gave her attitude. Pretty ungrateful if you ask me.

**September 21**

I made the mistake of telling Kevin and the guys about my plans to transfer. They think I'm crazy, giving up everything for some girl. They just don't get it. It's not only Jenny. This is my chance to get out of here. To have a whole new life.

**September 30**

Kevin came to me today, looking really bad. He said his grant's been withdrawn, and he doesn't know what he's going to do. I got him to calm down and told him that we'd go to the Student Union together, look into a work study program or something. He said he's already done that. It's not going to cover enough of his costs. So then I told him that he ought to get a job. Kevin said he's taking a dual major, he doesn't have time to work a full time job and go to school. I told him what I've always believed. Hard work pays off. If he wanted it bad enough, he'd make it happen.

He looked at me like I was from another planet or something. He said I've always had it easy. Everything just comes to me. I don't think that's true.

And I don't think Kevin and I are friends any more.

**October 10**

Mom got Dad and I to sit down and have a long talk today. He doesn't like the idea of my going to Wintervale, but he's willing to accept it.

He said, "I hope you know what you're getting yourself into."

He doesn't understand that Jenny and I are meant to be together. Still, it's good that the "cold war," as my mom put it, is over.

**December 8**

Jenny told me tonight that we won't be getting together over Winter Break after all. She has to go somewhere with her parents. She sounded really upset, but I told her not to worry. We'd be together soon.

Sooner than she thinks.

**January 3**

I'm psyched. In two days I'll be at Wintervale.

**January 5**

Whoa. I don't know where to begin. Reality just got turned upside down. That, or I've been kidding myself for a long time now.

Today was my first day at Wintervale University. The workload is about a hundred times tougher than anything I had to deal with back home, but I can handle that. What I *can't* handle is the way Jenny acted when I showed up at her dorm.

I *expected* her to be surprised. But when I told her that I'd transferred to Wintervale, she got angry. She just couldn't believe that I hadn't asked her first. And she kept looking around, like she didn't want any of her friends to see her talking to me. Like she was worried about what they might think.

We met up later. She said she was sorry about the way she'd acted, but there was still something really weird about her. She didn't seem at all like the girl I met over the summer.

Then she told me all the stuff that had been going on with her lately. The real life stuff that she hadn't been putting in her e-mails. This guy embezzled her family's money. She was kicked out of her sorority. People weren't treating her well on campus.

I couldn't believe that she'd been holding so many things back from me. I told her it didn't matter to me whether or not her family had money, or if she was some sorority queen. I told her I'd do anything for her. For some reason, nothing I said seemed to help. I had the feeling there was something else she wasn't telling me.

"This just isn't a good place for you," Jenny kept saying, over and over like a broken record. She refused to say anything else about it. When we said good-bye that night, we didn't even kiss.

**January 23**

Jenny and I broke up today. Big surprise, huh? It was to me. The way she's been acting the last few weeks, I didn't even think we were going out. I thought what we had was real. I guess I'm not so smart after all.

**February 18**

I don't know if it's because of Jenny or what, but I'm having a really hard time at this school. I failed an exam today. That's never happened to me in my life.

I'm working hard. In fact, I can't remember ever working this hard in my life. It just doesn't seem to be doing any good. Part of me thinks I ought to just give up and go home, but I can just imagine what my dad would say. My old buddies, too.

There's another reason I want to stay--and it's not Jenny.

Wintervale's a good school. No, a great school. I owe it to myself to find a way to fit in here. I just don't know how to do that when I'm about to flunk out.

**March 9**

Three more weeks of Wintervale U. Here are the highlights:

I made the cut with the basketball team, but I got benched because of my lousy grades.

I saw a bunch of guys carrying this freshman in his underwear. They were about to toss him into the fountain, which was filled with all sorts of gunk. I broke it up and the freshman turned on me because he was trying to get into a frat and I blew it for him. "It's Rush!" he yelled. "Don't you know anything?"

Back home, I was class president in high school. I tried running for office at Wintervale, but I couldn't even make the ballot.

I went on-stage last Friday during open mike at Scribes and Jibes. The jokes I used to tell that knocked 'em dead at home got me booed off the stage here.

I'm beginning to wonder if I should quit Wintervale before I get kicked out.

**March 11**

I ran into Jenny again. She said "hi," but that was about it. Every time I see her, it's like that. Or she gives me these weird looks, like she's worried that I'm going to embarrass her or something. But I wouldn't do that. I'm not gonna tell anyone about what went on between us. Still, every time I see her, it hurts all over again. I keep wondering when it's going to get easier. Or if it ever will.

**March 12**

I've been using my computer for homework, logging onto the campus net for assignments and not much else. I don't have much to lose, so I went into some of the chat rooms today and lurked for a while. It was interesting, seeing how different people are when they've got their guard down. I even joined in a few conversations.

It wasn't too bad.

**March 15**

Three more days on the net. To be honest, I really don't get a lot of the things that are going on at Wintervale. I mean, in one chat room, all these people were talking about a foam party. I'd never heard of such a thing. It sounded kind of stupid to me and I made the mistake of saying that.

Now I have to change my screen name.

**March 20**

I made a friend on the net a couple of days ago. He's into a lot of the things I am--reggae, Hong Kong movies, sports. What he's really known for is his artwork. We're going to meet at the Student Union tonight.

His name's Darren.

**From Josh Stewart's Journal**

**March 28**

I've been hanging out with Darren for a little over a week. I've met a ton of new people, and tonight I even went to a party at Darren's frat house. The computer lab came up with this new game called Apocalypse Man. I've seen games like it before. Doom. Hexen. But I've never played them. It didn't really interest me. Darren said I should give it a go.

So I played. I lasted almost twenty minutes before I got fried. It was fun. Everyone was cheering me on, except this one guy. At the end, everyone said I won. At first, I didn't get it. I hadn't made it to the top level.

"No one makes it all the way," said Darren. "The whole thing is to see how long you can last. That guy who was giving you dirty looks was the champion. Sixteen minutes. You broke his record. That makes you Apocalypse Man!"

Everyone was clapping. It was great, just like old times.

Weird. When I was playing the game, I really didn't know what I was doing. I almost felt like I was being guided the whole way. Pulled through from one end to the other. I guess that's how it feels when you suddenly find out you're a natural at something you never even tried before.

I can't wait till tomorrow.

**March 30**

I've played Apocalypse Man five times now. No one can touch me at this.

Things are beginning to turn around at Wintervale. A couple of guys offered to help tutor me. Someone else suggested that maybe I could do a column for the school newspaper called "Notes from Apocalypse Man." My picture would be in there, too. People would start to know who I am around here.

Who knows, maybe it would even get Jenny to talk to me...

**Read Josh Stewart's story, KNOW FEAR, now!**