Brian David Gilbert

Brian David Gilbert saving your ass with Monopoly. Reggie, take fucking notes.

### Relatives

Laura Kathryn Gilbert (Sister), Patrick Gilbert (Brother), Simone De Rochefort (Clone), and Jimmy P (Cousin and Fellow YouTuber), Moose (Childhood Dog/Sibling 4)

### Affiliation

Polygon, The Altogether, PlasmaP, The JHU AllNighters, Let's Make a Music, sonic (probably), Crash Bandicoot, Chancellor of Darts, Dorian Smiles, That one demon who he sold his soul to.The triumvirate of dukes.

## Physical Description

### Eye Color

Green

**""Brian" "David" "Gilbert""** (Safety Fan and Bureaucratic Wunderkind [please address him as such]) and (near martyr (Watcher puppet history)) is a former Polygon Dot Com Video Producer (Who thinks he’d be an asset to the team, don’t you sir?). He hosted a show on Polygon's YouTube channel named "Unraveled." As of December 28th, 2020, Brian is no longer working for Polygon due to a betrayal from Brennan Lee Mulligan in a game of politics (Coup), making his final Unraveled on that day. Much like the brothers McElroy, he is Polygone, but never Polyforgotten. His curse from God for his hubris has ended and his work is now over. It has been rumoured that he made 20,000 dollars a month working in the Dorian Smiles program.

## Early Life (Whilst God Kept a Hurdy Gurdy from Him)

'Brian' grew up on "everything Nintendo", and it was apparently “great”. He also collected all 151 original Pokemon and completed his Pokedex. It came at the loss of Terry the Tangela to Kevin Punt who deserves jail time for this.

He claims that his first celebrity crush was on “the girl from Spy Kids 3D who wasn’t real.” He is, according to many, "An epic gamer that is super lamer!"

As a child, he once ate a brick bench, resulting in a scar on his lip.

His first pet was a rainbow shark named Michael Thomason.

'Brian' used to play the trumpet, but then his band teacher said that in order to keep playing, he needed to practice for an hour every day. He did not want to do that like every other musical prodigy so he quit. He also joined the swim team because his older brother, 'Patrick Gilbert' (not to be confused with Polygon employee Patrick Gill), convinced him it would be fun. He did not like the exercise and it is presumed he eventually quit.

His childhood best friend was a piece of cardboard named Scrundler, with whom he was reunited on Week In Revue.

'Brian' did gymnastics as a kid and can jump pretty high as a result of wearing ankle weights in middle school to help him get better at jumping after seeing a character in Naruto wear ankle weights (Rock Lee). He also did diving when he was six.

He went to 'Johns' Hopkins 'University' and got his 'degree' in cognitive science and creative writing. He is also the only scholar in time break studies and the Master Chief of the Halo books.

## Personal life

'Brian' was 'born' in an ice storm in 1994 and is the youngest of three siblings (four if you include Moose, his parents' dog.)

He has read all of the twilight books but has not seen the movies.

'Brian' loves avocados and has equinophobia (the fear of horses) from a field trip gone awry.

'Brian' currently lives in Los Angeles, California with his roommate and fiancé, "Karen Han". Previous roommates included his friend who dreamt of becoming a baker and made incredible sourdough bread, "Jonah", and the level 63 Barbarian "cat" named "Zuko", who is a freeloader and companion who eats 'Brian's' bagels if he leaves them out for too long and pukes on 'Brian's' bed. Not to be confused with the bed he is selling, as nothing bad has ever happened on that particular bed. Please buy his bed.

Nothing bad has ever happened on his bed. 'Laura' keeps asking for his beds "because they're such good beds," but she's allegedly not allowed near beds anymore, due to her habit of smoking cigars on beds. Please buy his bed.

When 'Brian' is alone in his apartment, he can do anything. Furthermore, he can occasionally be seen not wearing pants while in said apartment.

'Brian' doesn't know what a frog is.

'Brian' is engaged to Karen Han [1]

He can't retire until he's 88 due to his lack of a Roth IRA, as shown in an Unraveled episode.

He will die on May 6th, 2030, according to demonic sources, probably by reading too much into the sonic franchise, then he will become 'Dry Brian'. The scene of his enlightenment is said to be incredibly bleak.

Most of 'Brian's' political affiliations are not known, but like most reasonable people, he is VERY pro putting Kevin Punt in jail for his crime of taking Terry away from Brian.

'Brian' must wear helmets because his Mom is a jerk.

'Brian' likes to watch "Joe Pera Tells you how to find the Perfect Christmas Tree" every Christmas. Nobody knows what will happen if he stops, but we know that we don't want to find out.

'Brian' will one day kill God.

In the year 2024, 'Brian' will become a keeper of bees.

## Fun Facts

'Brian' is a being of chaos. He's so powerful, not even a mythological being can stop him except for Kirby, an extremely strong circle and a metaphor for capitalism (maybe), nature (maybe), and Kirby themselves (most likely).

'Brian' has created a religion based off of the Sonic bible with the goal to purge the ‘false Sonic’ from Sonic canon. He also has been known to preach the gospel of Old Bay, so it is unclear which religion he belongs to. More recently he has been known to follow the bird gods, and can often be found watching birds in the park in order to further his knowledge and bring him so much joy. The total number of ~~cults~~ religions Brian belongs to at this point is at least three.

'Brian' is the founder of SURFERBALL along with Kofie Yeboah of Secret Base , a cross between the mobile game, Subway Surfers, and dodgeball.

'Brian' has a fascination with jorts, getting excited when it is jort season and he gets to show them off.

Queer women just think he's neat.

Queer men have listened to "Madame Zamporium's Wax Emporium" an embarrassing amount of times.

Nonbinary people often look to 'Brian' as a sort of parental figure.

The straights have regained partial ownership of him after a long and arduous custody battle, but his pizzazz still remains.

He does not like being called a himbo, but Jenna does it anyways because he is one.

He enjoys origami and baking some pie.

'Brian' claims to be an expert on feet.

'Brian' is aware of how much paper he wastes but does not seem to be planning to right this issue any time soon.

'Brian' is most energized by walking and activities, not by steaks or energy drinks.

He enjoys wearing a cardboard replica Cloranthy Ring for style.

He has never bought his own underwear as of March 17th, 2018.

'Brian' was never supposed to escape the lab where he was created.

He can hear all of our questions like we are angry gods sending him visions. Please stop. Can't you see him suffering? His hubris is already going to be his undoing, leave him alone.

Brian has a twin.

'Brian' likes to collect coins, and sometimes believes he can talk to plants.

'Brian' loves bugs.

'Brian' was in the running to play Waluigi in Nintendo's unannounced nonexistent FMV (full motion video) Waluigi solo game.

'Brian' doesn't know what a marsupial is. He also does not know what a laptop is.

He is not good at darts despite it currently being time to get good at it.

'Brian' ate mushrooms so much as a child that his mother thought he had a nutritional deficit.

He possesses Saturday Shorts that are too good for human eyes.

One of 'Brian's' greatest passions is jort making and wearing.

It is unknown whether 'Brian' has real hands or cardboard crab-claws permanently attached at the forearm.

Brian does not have a twin.

Depending on your perspective, it is either a great or terrible idea to sponsor 'Brian'.

'Brian' makes twenty thousand a month while working from home, being on his own schedule, and being his own boss. AND YOU CAN TOO!

'Brian' has had a few encounters with magic folk. One being with a witch, who cursed him because he said he wouldn't help her out with an itch. Now 'Brian' is cursed with bones that will easily break. Another one being a wizard (who may or may not be related to the witch) who traded 'Brian' a hurdy gurdy for a book forged in chrome (supposedly a laptop belonging to Karen).

'Brian' has said his favorite snack is Pepcorn [[2]].

'Brian' caused the Rumbling.

His favorite food is olive [[3]]

'Brian' is so very good at jumping because he put all of his stat points into jumping, this is also why he needs to practice to get good at darts [[4]]

Because 'Brian' grew up on a little town outside of Baltimore, he wanted to put it on the map. After winning the nationals of rhythmic gymnastics he moved on from that and went into ski jumping. However, at the opening ceremony to the junior Olympics, the mayor was swinging around the Olympic torch like a big club shouting "only I can start the junior Olympics! This is true power!" 'Brian' got too close and was decapitated by it, his head was knocked off of his body like a tee-ball, caught on fire, rolled down a hill into a barn, and that barn burned down. He then died (at least he took some of those bastard horses with him). His community refused to give up on 'Brian', as he was their champion, and they hired a specialist (Samaranth the flesh weaver) who put 'Brian's' head in a jug and fed him eggs while a new body was constructed. The arms were made of mud from the hills of Golgotha, the legs were carved from an ancient bristle-cone pine, and the torso was borrowed from the body of Michael Phelps. 'Brian' was saved and is now ready to compete in the Olympics. [[5]]

He would like to be a handmade crockery maker.

He does not listen in meetings, he knows that he should though.

'Brian' is known for being a scoundrel and a bad boy, and he earned this reputation by doing nefarious deeds and cheating at his own game, SURFERBALL.

Kirby is God.

'Brian' has many lookalikes including the famous Boyband "2winz²". Members include: TBD, AtSign, Juunyur, and Dale. Dale recently left the band because of creative and life style differences. This band squabble was caught in song and video form. After the break up the band is now named "2winz²-1". They have no money left and their cards keep getting declined, they want "Ma" to send them money.

TBD. has everything he needs, he's got money, fame, fancy clothes and a cat food sponsor deal. He would give everything up for just one day without Dale. He has also got a tweed tub and thinks his sense of fashion is nice.

Juunyur likes smoothies. He's also never gonna die.

AtSign was happy with just him and most of his bros. His mother suggested that they included Dale in the band when it was first formed. He can buy suits at full price, despite the budget not being that good that year.

Dale is sensible but boring. He constantly talks about debt but doesn't want to nag. He used to share stories about suits he bought on sale to his ex-bandmates before he left. He thinks the tweed tub is a bad investment. He warns the band day after day about their lack of money.

'Brian' is not superstitious but he is afraid to prune his money tree because it is the only plant that has seemed to grow healthily.

'Brian' does not understand caterpillars or know if they know what they are doing, where they will go, or have a clue about what they will become (This is not a metaphor).

Someone once spent $500 in order to make 'Brian' suffer to clown music on a livestream.

He has seen the movie “Cats” at least 3 times in theatre.

## Series/shows on Polygon

Unraveled was a series in which 'Brian' chooses an aspect of a game or of gaming culture and dissects to absurd specificity.

Gill and Gilbert was a weekly live show hosted by 'Brian' and Patrick Gill, where they played games and did segments suggested by fans and made beautiful fools of themselves! Showbiz amirite, bay-bee!

Week In Revue was a weekly show featuring 'Brian', Jenna Stoeber, and 'Brian's' childhood best friend, Scrundler.

Good Cheap Games was a video series where 'Brian' talked about good cheap and/or free games.

JackBox

FMV Quest

Awful Squad

Overboard

## Quotes

"And here, Link has another midlife crisis, but this one is my favorite because instead of trying to stop a moon or hanging out with pirates, he just gets really into fashion in Triforce Heroes, which is what I plan to do in my midlife crisis." *- Unraveled, Episode 1: Solving the Zelda Timeline in 15 Minutes*

 "So we have adult Link, child Link, and basketball" *- Unraveled, Episode 1: Solving the Zelda Timeline in 15 Minutes*

 "Why does no one understand the time break except for me, Brian David Gilbert? Why am I the only scholar in time break studies?" *- Unraveled, Episode 1: Solving the Zelda Timeline in 15 Minutes*

 "LEGEND OF ZELDA MONOPOLY. THE MOST IMPORTANT LEGEND OF ZELDA GAME...REGGIE TAKE FUCKING NOTES. I JUST SAVED YOUR ASS WITH MONOPOLY" *- Unraveled, Episode 1: Solving the Zelda Timeline in 15 Minutes*

 "With all the spell-casting and shouting you must do as Dragonborn, who really has time to read all these books? I do. Apparently." *- Unraveled, Episode 2: I read all 337 books in Skyrim so you don't have to*

 "My first reaction was, 'wow.' To write 300,000 words that could essentially be skipped over while still having the full Skyrim experience, it's amazing...My second reaction to this, was WHAT THE FUCK. HEY TODD, WHAT THE FUCK?" *- Unraveled, Episode 2: I read all 337 books in Skyrim so you don't have to*

"In my Skyrim Book Repoooort!" *- Unraveled, Episode 2: I read all 337 books in Skyrim so you don't have to*

 "RIVETING!" *- Unraveled, Episode 2: I read all 337 books in Skyrim so you don't have to*

"That's why I'm a Jarth Head." *- Unraveled, Episode 2: I read all 337 books in Skyrim so you don't have to*

 "Teach the kids with Skyrim." *- Unraveled, Episode 2: I read all 337 books in Skyrim so you don't have to*

 "HOW DARE YOU JETTISON MY GIFT!" *- Unraveled, Episode 2: I read all 337 books in Skyrim so you don't have to*

 "\*awkward pause\* NOOOOOOOO" *- Unraveled, Episode 2: I read all 337 books in Skyrim so you don't have to*

 "We've done some shit to bees, y'all." *- Unraveled, Episode 3: Ranking all 200+ Mega Man robots*

 "Where did toad man go? Where's my guy toad man? \*Worry about Toad Man\*" *- Unraveled, Episode 3: Ranking all 200+ Mega Man robots*

 "Don't let me suck more than I can handle!"  *- Unraveled, Episode 3: Ranking all 200+ Mega Man robots*

 "Acid man was meant to be a chemist. What's he good for, titrations?...That's a chemistry joke." *- Unraveled, Episode 3: Ranking all 200+ Mega Man robots*

 "Here's the big rule of thumb: magicians are always evil." *- Unraveled, Episode 3: Ranking all 200+ Mega Man robots*

 "Snake man" *- Unraveled, Episode 3: Ranking all 200+ Mega Man robots*

 "But when all hope seemed lost, I had an epiphany. I am going to throw myself into the sea". - *Unraveled, Episode 4: I wasted 3 weeks of my life finding Castlevania's hottest monster*

 "I don't wanna know what that mouth do." - *Unraveled, Episode 4: I wasted 3 weeks of my life finding Castlevania's hottest monster*

 "I do think we need a sexy skeleton." - *Unraveled, Episode 4: I wasted 3 weeks of my life finding Castlevania's hottest monster*

 "What is up with Castlevania naming their children dumb shit? Seriously, Alucard? Dracula, you can't just name your child your name backwards. I'm not going to name my son Nairb." - *Unraveled, Episode 4: I wasted 3 weeks of my life finding Castlevania's hottest monster*

 "That hyena can *get it*!" - *Unraveled, Episode 4: I wasted 3 weeks of my life finding Castlevania's hottest monster*

 "If someone comes up to me and introduces themselves to me as Duke Mirage, my pants are already off." - *Unraveled, Episode 4: I wasted 3 weeks of my life finding Castlevania's hottest monster*

 "And if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go throw myself into the ocean now". - *Unraveled, Episode 4: I wasted 3 weeks of my life finding Castlevania's hottest monster*

 "When you walk into an unknown space, I want the first question on your mind to be: Am I safe to smash?" - *Unraveled, Episode 5: Smash Bros. owes millions of dollars in OSHA violations*

 "I couldn't give a shit about death." - *Unraveled, Episode 5: Smash Bros. owes millions of dollars in OSHA violations*

 "I need to know where Donkey Kong pees" - *Unraveled, Episode 5: Smash Bros. owes millions of dollars in OSHA violations*

 "Should old acquaintance be forgot, and all...that jazz." - *Unraveled, Episode 6: Scientifically calculating the game of the year*

 "They called me a fool! But do I look like a fool to you? \*crazy eyes\*" - *Unraveled, Episode 6: Scientifically calculating the game of the year*

 "But how many frames does a gamer game in the gameframe mainframe?" - *Unraveled, Episode 6: Scientifically calculating the game of the year*

 "And if you'll excuse me, I have to go do my dark bidding in these spreadsheets" - *Unraveled, Episode 6: Scientifically calculating the game of the year*

 "I hear you saying, 'Brian, there's no evidence that Sonic doesn't think of Robotnik as a father figure.' A-and to that I say bullSHIT! I have never seen him him cry after defeating Robotnik! I have never seen him *hold the lifeless body of his father figure **in his arms and say 'I am sorry...*****it ended up like this!** ...i'm sorry.' **LET SONIC CRY OVER THE *LOSS OF WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN, S E G A ! you COWARDS!***" - *Unraveled, Episode 7: Every Sonic game is blasphemous*

 "EITHER SONIC IS A GOD, OR COULD KILL GOD, AND I DO NOT CARE IF THERE IS A DIFFERENCE" - *Unraveled, Episode 7: Every Sonic game is blasphemous*

 "You sweet summer child, you babe swaddled in the cashmere blanket of ignorance, YOU ASK TOO LITTLE OF ME." - *Unraveled, Episode 8: Understanding Kingdom Hearts (and every other story)*

 "ALRIGHT ASSHOLES. I have no more space here, so I made you a DATA CUBE. ARE YA HAPPY?" - *Unraveled, Episode 8: Understanding Kingdom Hearts (and every other story)*

 "You nort a boy." - *Unraveled, Episode 8: Understanding Kingdom Hearts (and every other story)*

"Once you got that boy under your possession, time to get real into unethical science." - *Unraveled, Episode 8: Understanding Kingdom Hearts (and every other story)*

"A nobody and a Heartless." - *Unraveled, Episode 8: Understanding Kingdom Hearts (and every other story)*

"That's right, it's time for nort boy redux." - *Unraveled, Episode 8: Understanding Kingdom Hearts (and every other story)*

"And now that you're jazzed and ready to go, time to fail. Yo do have to fail once, uh in order to succeed later as a villain. But don't let that failure get you down, it's time for stage 10. You develop an organization to trick young boy into committing Heartless genocide in order to create a new pseudo version of that great power you discovered back in stage three.... And then you fail again." - *Unraveled, Episode 8: Understanding Kingdom Hearts (and every other story)*

"But guess what! It's time travel time." - *Unraveled, Episode 8: Understanding Kingdom Hearts (and every other story)*

"Donald will kill Goofy by throwing him off a dock." - *Unraveled, Episode 8: Understanding Kingdom Hearts (and every other story)*

"Kairi will continue to not matter." - *Unraveled, Episode 8: Understanding Kingdom Hearts (and every other story)*

"Basic storytelling. \*Stumbles\*" - *Unraveled, Episode 8: Understanding Kingdom Hearts (and every other story)*

 "In what way, Patrick? In what way am I doing this well?" *- Unraveled, Episode 8: Understanding Kingdom Hearts (and every other story)*

"Bowser. King Koopa. The authoritarian turtle with a penchant for princess-napping. His very name strikes fear into the heart of man and mushroom alike. And he's also pretty good at figure skating." - *Unraveled, Episode 9: Bowser's military hierarchy*

"And by harm's way, I mean in front of Mario." - *Unraveled, Episode 9: Bowser's military hierarchy*

"And today I'm honouring those who have put their lives on the line for megalomaniacal turtle." - *Unraveled, Episode 9: Bowser's military hierarchy*

"'But Brian.' I hear you ask. 'Why does Bowser need a military hierarchy?'" - *Unraveled, Episode 9: Bowser's military hierarchy*

 "And folks, I hear you. I hear your questions constantly. They come to me in my dreams like a prophet receiving visions from an angry god." - *Unraveled, Episode 9: Bowser's military hierarchy*

"Look, I know Bowser is a bad dude, but I don't think that Nintendo would actively create war criminal and then allow him to sit in the backseat of a go-kart with a baby." - *Unraveled, Episode 9: Bowser's military hierarchy*

"And could I really call this an Unraveled if I didn't spend a whole day reading 224 page of dense legalese for no good reason? Of course I couldn't. \*Weaker\* Of course I couldn't..." - *Unraveled, Episode 9: Bowser's military hierarchy*

"God has cursed me for my hubris, and my work is never finished." - *Unraveled, Episode 9: Bowser's military hierarchy*

"And Bowser's fursonas. Because those should never be exposed to the horrors of war." - *Unraveled, Episode 9: Bowser's military hierarchy*

"I asked myself, is there an analogous military that is somewhat bloated, often antagonistic, and seems to be the only thing that the leadership cares about funding? Unfortunately, I couldn't find any real-life examples of this. So I'm loosely basing it on the US military." - *Unraveled, Episode 9: Bowser's military hierarchy*

"Because I do want to save at least a little bit of paper. Obviously I don't want to save paper that much. \*paper guilt\*" - *Unraveled, Episode 9: Bowser's military hierarchy*

"LOOK AT THIS GALOOMBA!" - *Unraveled, Episode 9: Bowser's military hierarchy*

"We've got, it's just a tower of Gombas. Kind of like the Naval Academy's Herndon Monument, Gombas become stronger and work together better when they're standing on top of one another." - *Unraveled, Episode 9: Bowser's military hierarchy*

"But there's ambition in those eyes." - *Unraveled, Episode 9: Bowser's military hierarchy*

"And what better way to show your dedication than to be literally shot from a cannon." - *Unraveled, Episode 9: Bowser's military hierarchy*

"By the time that you reach Captain, you need to have a top-down perspective. And that's why the Pokey's height is great from this rank. Also, the Pokey understands how to take calculated losses in stride, like literally having all of their torso punched out from underneath them and still maintaining a smile." - *Unraveled, Episode 9: Bowser's military hierarchy*

"Next we have Major Squizzard, and I'm gonna gloss over him, 'cause his name makes me uncomfortable." - *Unraveled, Episode 9: Bowser's military hierarchy*

"And though no one would describe Petey Piranha as capable in literally any circumstance, his father took a bullet for Bowser back in the Korean War, so now he's a general." - *Unraveled, Episode 9: Bowser's military hierarchy*

"Steal their hats." - *Unraveled, Episode 9: Bowser's military hierarchy*

 "When I die will I become Dry Brian? Is a living Bowser... Wet Bowser? Why do piranha plant have bone in it?" - *Unraveled, Episode 9: Bowser's military hierarchy*

 "Magnificent goals are worth the challenges it takes to reach them." - *Unraveled, Episode 10: The Perfect Pokerap*

 "My favorite Pokemon was Tangela. It's just a tumbleweed and some Jordans, what's not to love?" - *Unraveled, Episode 10: The Perfect Pokerap*

 "But I do claim to be an expert in one thing that will help us make this pokerap a little bit sexier: feet." - *Unraveled, Episode 10: The Perfect Pokerap*

 "It is not that we should catch them all, it is that we should love the ones that we catch." - *Unraveled, Episode 10: The Perfect Pokerap*

 "SKRRRRRELP." - *Unraveled, Episode 10: The Perfect Pokerap*

 "BIG PHARMA IS THE ROOT OF OUR COUNTRY'S PROBLEM WITH OPIATE ADDICTION! ......golem." - *Unraveled, Episode 10: The Perfect Pokerap*

 "I'm not your friend, and you have no say over what I do with my body." - *Unraveled, Episode 11: Which Dark Souls Boss Is The Best Manager?*

 "Do it for the Duke!" - *Unraveled, Episode 11: Which Dark Souls Boss Is The Best Manager?*

 "MORTAL KOMBAT! \*baDUMbaDUMbaDUMbaDUMbadayDUM\* \*baDUMbaDUMbaDUMbaDUMbadayNUM\* baDUMbaDUMbaDUMbaDUMbaDAHDA\* \*DRSCH TSCH T...\* There's red bull in this mug" - *Unraveled, Episode 12: No One Asked But I Found Mortal Kombat's Best Cuddler*

 "Sorry Rain, not all of us can go into Ikea and ask for the Espevar, some of us gotta settle for the Hasvag." - *Unraveled, Episode 12: No One Asked But I Found Mortal Kombat's Best Cuddler*

 "What? Hell yeah! What?" - *Unraveled, Episode 13: How To Make A Perfect E3 Press Confrence (Or Drinking Game)*

 "I want to watch the Doomslayer catch a bass." - *Unraveled, Episode 13: How To Make A Perfect E3 Press Confrence (Or Drinking Game)*

 "Bonus points for horny Todd." - *Unraveled, Episode 13: How To Make A Perfect E3 Press Confrence (Or Drinking Game)*

 "ooh, look at Gordon Ramsey over here, making WARM MILK." - *Unraveled, Episode 14: We made all 78 Breath of the Wild recipes in one day*

 "If I can't be accurate, I sure as hell am gonna be extra" - *Unraveled, Episode 14: We made all 78 Breath of the Wild recipes in one day*

 "We just cooked a fruitcake that looks like it'd be served at McDonalds." - *Unraveled, Episode 14: We made all 78 Breath of the Wild recipes in one day*

 "Is life quantifiable?" - *Unraveled, Episode 15: Calculate your pet's HP with my 100% legitimate formula*

 "Haha. War." - *Unraveled, Episode 15: Calculate your pet's HP with my 100% legitimate formula*

 "And if you needed me to tell you that...I'm glad I told you that."- *Unraveled, Episode 15: Calculate your pet's HP with my 100% legitimate formula*

 "If you have bugs in your house and you make the conscious decision to WANT those bugs in your house, then they aren't pests, they're pets...s." - *Unraveled, Episode 15: Calculate your pet's HP with my 100% legitimate formula*

 "Chunky dog, milky dog, horny dog." - *Unraveled, Episode 15: Calculate your pet's HP with my 100% legitimate formula*

 "Your value is not defined by the size or shape of your body...It's about what you do with the body you're given." - *Unraveled, Episode 15: Calculate your pet's HP with my 100% legitimate formula*

 "Science shouldn't be easy, it should be correct." - *Unraveled, Episode 15: Calculate your pet's HP with my 100% legitimate formula*

 "I'm not a scientist, I'm a gamer." - *Unraveled, Episode 15: Calculate your pet's HP with my 100% legitimate formula*

 "What is *The Star Spangled Banner* if not America's jingle?" - *Unraveled, Episode 16: I fixed Fallout's music by creating a totally new genre*

 "There is no song for when your swamp itch clears up, but there should be." - *Unraveled, Episode 16: I fixed Fallout's music by creating a totally new genre*

 "Did I just make ska again?" - *Unraveled, Episode 16: I fixed Fallout's music by creating a totally new genre*

 "I just ate a whole lot of cottage cheese, so I'm feeling a little bloated." - *Unraveled, Episode 17: Find your Kojima name with my simple 11-page form*

 "I have a contact for someone named Zain and in the company, it just says 'Bocce Ball.' Who the fuck is this?" - *Unraveled, Episode 18: How to tell apart all 596 Fire Emblem characters*

 "Ah, that dude's wearing a tight fitting suit with a bunch of weird patches, that must be Arlecchino, the servant clown - sometimes to two masters!" - *Unraveled, Episode 18: How to tell apart all 596 Fire Emblem characters*

 "Seteth and Byleth have the, they rhyme" - *Unraveled, Episode 18: How to tell apart all 596 Fire Emblem characters*

 "Dortothea wears a hat until she grows out of the hat. Think about that!" - *Unraveled, Episode 18: How to tell apart all 596 Fire Emblem characters*

 "Everyone knows that books are boring!" - *Unraveled, Episode 19: I Used The Sims To Perfect My Apartment*

 "He was more wiling to spend two nights soaked in piss before spending a single minute inside his apartment. Big mood." - *Unraveled, Episode 19: I Used The Sims To Perfect My Apartment*

 "Seriously, who knew that my friends were SO GOOD at painting sad clowns? I don't 100% know how to feel about how good my friends are at painting sad clowns, but I'm glad I gave 'em an outlet." - *Unraveled, Episode 19: I Used The Sims To Perfect My Apartment*

 "Luigi's personality is 90% fear and 10% being green" - *Unraveled, Episode 20: Waluigi*

 "Luigi and Waluigi are the same person." - *Unraveled, Episode 20: Waluigi*

 "We are terrified of things we do not yet understand." - *Unraveled, Episode 21: Kirby*

 "He can effortlessly turn himself into a fighter jet, something that only the most skilled air force engineers have mastered." - *Unraveled, Episode 21: Kirby*

 "I don't know." - *Unraveled, Episode 21: Kirby*

 "Consider, for a moment, Moby Dick. You might receive this book in your English class and say, 'Hell yeah! A big ol' whale? I can't wait to see Ahab level up and hit that big boy right in his weak points.' And sure, he puts his harpoon up in Moby D's flanks, but spoiler alert! Ahab gets got, even though he's been grinding for, like, years and Pale Whale's just a dipshit fish with a thing for sailor feet." - *Unraveled, Episode 21: Kirby*

 "I am become Kirby." - *Unraveled, Episode 21: Kirby*

 "I am tormented with an everlasting itch for things to mean something." - *Unraveled, Episode 21: Kirby*

 "I realize I'm not simply standing on the edge of the ocean, but the edge of the world. A world I've accepted without knowing its hidden meaning. Perhaps there is no hidden meaning. Perhaps it's better that way." - *Unraveled, Episode 21: Kirby*

 "What if I'm never gonna die?" - *Unraveled, Episode 22: When Can Mario Retire?*

 "When you say crucial, do you...do you mean optional?" - *Unraveled, Episode 22: When Can Mario Retire?*

 "Why wouldn't donning the mask of the child help me deal with laundry chair? \*sad accordion music\*" - *Unraveled, Episode 23: How to increase your stamina with terrible video game tactics*

 "I think maybe God didn't intend for us to wake up and drink an energy drink and eat a well-done steak and then wear a tinfoil mask." - *Unraveled, Episode 23: How to increase your stamina with terrible video game tactics*

 "I can't be known as the substandard molding guy!" - *Unraveled, Episode 24: I Built The Perfect Gamer Space*

 "Don't talk to me before I've had my gaming." - *Unraveled, Episode 24: I Built The Perfect Gamer Space*

 "Good enough is never enough when one is striving for perfection." - *Unraveled, Episode 24: I Built The Perfect Gamer Space*

 "No pame no game" - *Unraveled, Episode 24: I Built The Perfect Gamer Space*

 "In my Skyrim Book Report, I read 571 pages. For this, I read 10,920, which is more." - *Unraveled, Episode 25: I Read Every Halo Novel And Became The Master Chief Of Loneliness*

 "No one wants to hang out with me anymore because I can't go 20 minutes without explaining how the Master Chief's suit DOESN'T jack him off." - *Unraveled, Episode 25: I Read Every Halo Novel And Became The Master Chief Of Loneliness*

 "Bad Blood. Sequel to New Blood. The blood is bad now." - *Unraveled, Episode 25: I Read Every Halo Novel And Became The Master Chief Of Loneliness*

 "\*GASP\* MY PERSONAL PAN PIZZAS!" - *Unraveled, Episode 25: I Read Every Halo Novel And Became The Master Chief Of Loneliness*

 "I HAVE SPONSOR MONEY! NOTHING IS OUT OF MY REACH!" - *Unraveled, Episode 26: I Made A '90s Dimension To Fully Understand Crash Bandicoot*

 "Who could be a better late '90s fashion icon than the Backstreet Boys' Brian Littrell?" - *Unraveled, Episode 26: I Made A '90s Dimension To Fully Understand Crash Bandicoot*

 "And to be real with you, it was kind of a buzzkill....NOT! \*Radical Guitar Solo\* It was cooler than Leo's middle part! Could these graphics BE any better? As if!" - *Unraveled, Episode 26: I Made A '90s Dimension To Fully Understand Crash Bandicoot*

 "Now you want to put me in a pizza cage?" - *Unraveled, Episode 26: I Made A '90s Dimension To Fully Understand Crash Bandicoot*

 "I can't go back to Brian David Gilbert! He's mega lame." - *Unraveled, Episode 26: I Made A '90s Dimension To Fully Understand Crash Bandicoot*

"There's nothing that gets my blood pumping quite like a good old fashioned game of sports. Go Long! \*Throws mug\*" - *Unraveled, Episode 27: We Created The Sport Of The Future*

 "It's like a sin wave of how much I'm in a shithole right now" - *Brian and Pat are Half-Lifin #4, 23:30*

 "The days of spring will surely bring the birds and bees cavorting. But since I am a gentleman, I'd much rather be jorting." - *How To Make Jorts*

 "I earn up to $20k a month while working from home, making my own hours, and being my own boss... and you can, too!" - *Earn 20K EVERY MONTH by being your own boss*

"I am my own worst enemy." - *MY WEIRD ICE CREAMS: a cooking video*

"Haha, what?" - *Brian David Gilbert*

*"Why catch them all if you can't keep the ones that you love?" - Brian David Gilbert (Ft. Kevin Punt and Patrick Gill)*

*...TERRY!!!! OH, TERRY!!!!*

## Other places you can find 'Brian'

* He has his own channel called brian david gilbert with good lore and quality videos.
	+ There are many unlisted videos on his channel, such as the "Bri and Joe's Tryin Show," that he used to keep in a playlist, however he deleted the playlist for unknown reasons. The videos can still be found here.
* His twitch channel called briandavidgilbert where he streams himself exercising while playing video games in order to improve his heart rate every weekday at 7:30 am ET.
* His Twitter and his Instagram (@briamgilbert)
* 'Brian' and his friend Jonah have a band called “The Altogether” which you can listen to on Spotify or on their channel, The Altogether.
* Let's Make a Music, a podcast where 'Brian', Jonah, and Laura created music based on listener input. The podcast was on indefinite hiatus since 2018, but came back on September 21, 2020 with the addition of Karen Han.
* A channel called PlasmaP where he posted videos when he was in high school.
* His website, briandavidgilbert.com
* In your dreams, after making jorts incorrectly. The dream itself will vary, but when you wake up, you will be vomiting blood, tar, and denim.
* Thumbnail and Pocket by Louie Zong, where he sang lead vocals.
* Episode 147 of Woodland Secrets.
* Two episodes of Punch Up the Jam, "The Call" By BSB, and "Like A Prayer" By Madonna
* The Next Stop Teaser: Fixing the WiFi
* An episode of Drawfee.
* A voice cameo in asdfmovie13
* An episode of Weird Rules on SBNation.
* Episode 5 of Abby dearest.
* An episode of Dimension 20.
* This TikTok created by Hank Green. While only a picture of Brian's face appears, it may be important to note that Hank Green is a BDG fan.
* This Vox video talking about Tucker Carlson.
* The role of Andrew Wakefield in Vaccines: a measured response
* The third episode of Dirty Laundry on Dropout.tv.
* The role of the Winter King in Adventure Time: Fionna and Cake