Rob Corddry, Our Close Friend

**"Rob Corddry, Our Close Friend"** is the twenty-fourth episode of Hollywood Handbook.

Official Earwolf Page

## Earwolf Synopsis

Hayes and Sean start the show off with Sneakquel Peekquel, a segment where they go into detail on sequels for two of Hollywood’s biggest hits: Two More Bigger Guns and The Girl with Two Pearl Earrings. Then, funny man ROB CORDDRY, goofy clown actor joins the guys to talk about how inherently funny children’s hospitals are and the importance of always being honest, and walks through a new pilot that includes Two-Face, Chicano wives, lawnmowers, law enforcement, and car sex.

## Notes & Memorable Quotes

### Pre-Guest Segment

* Hayes over the theme: So Freida Pinto says "I thought this was a romance movie." And he says it is, duh. You love being chased by dogs. It's called *Dog Escape*.

### Guest Segment

* Sean over the theme: "She goes like 'It's called a plantaaain' and I go "Look, Crispin Stewart, to me and everyone else in this room, it's a big banana. So you either start calling it that or you get the *fuck* out of my green room! She apologized."
* Facetime is not the same thing as a conversation because it freezes sometimes and you get stuck making a funny face
* Rob apologizes to all the real Children's Hospitals because his show is nothing like the real thing. Kids are eating bugs in hopes to go to the Children's Hospital to meet Rob
* Rob ripped (not the right word) his daughter's shoulder out of its socket, went to the real Children's, and saw some hilarious stuff with crying parents, a child patient arriving by air that won't make it
* Rob's daughter isn't allowed to speak to him during dinner. That's 'no-no' time. Then she did speak to him, with her mouth full, he yanked her left arm
* It's PIlot Season! "The most wonderful tiiime, of the year!"
* Rob's pilot: "Rob" one severely handicapped daughter who gets into trouble a lot, a Chicano wife, Two-face the next door neighbor, his mother who lives in an RV right next to the street, his black wise grandpa
* Rob has the whole Wikipedia set right next to his bed. Learns within that "Chicano" is a self-described term
* Sean "Hey, I didn't know that I would learn today!"
* Scene: Returning the lawn mower to Two-face, Rob's evil next-door neighbor. Two-face gets so frickin' pissed, he gets out his big one dollar coin. If it lands scratched side up he's going to boil him in a big pot!
* Rob's mom living in the RV on the street has to move her RV for street cleaning day, forgets how to drive!
* Rob's character loves his car, a 1975 Ford Pinto Wagon with woodwalls. He loves fuckin', suckin', the whole thing. The show is 90% POV so the fucking feels real
* Fucking a car like this has never been seen since the documentary "Buckeyes That Like Fucking Cars"
* Scene: Laying into the car. The car is on, radio is playing. His wife interrupts, disapproves of him wasting his sexual energy on the car. She needs it to satisfy all of her, she's so horny, baby!
* Rob's wife sounds like a little girl Vietnamese refugee who was burnt
* Rob's character was pre-law to become a policeman.
* Scene: The cop-hating Rob gets pulled over for having a busted tail-light, with a hatchet hanging out of it. Rob admits to being drunk and hating black people. The cop and Rob switch places because the cop doesn't want to be the bad guy. Then the cop drives away and starts living Rob's life. This now starts a backdoor pilot where the cop takes over his complete identity, and Rob is trying to hitch.
* Rob and his weird daughter have a lot of conflict, culminating with a fist fight.
* Scene: Rob is bashing is close-fist bashing his daughter's face as the fist fight winds down. The joke: "Ugh, now I'm done. I hope you learned something. Wait a minute.. I don't know if this blood on my hand is your's or mine! hahaha! Now get the hell out of here"
* Tools in the toolbox: Irony. Beneath the toolbox are devices: a ticking clock, a bomb, a red herring
* Comedy is ONLY surprises
* Some non-famous people are very funny! Sean's friend Brian was *so funny*. Some of this is about being brave and having the balls of ponying up to the table and saying this is my honking deal. If Brian didn't pony up, that's why he's pumping gas

## Recurring Segments

* Engineer My Career - Sam Kieffer - His question is "So I've been here, since November?" Not a very good use of the one question. There was a hard question inflection at the end. Sean fuckin guesses, man. Not exactly your secretary. What a waste of a question to two of the finer minds in the media landscape. A second question "Could I go again?" the reply: "Dream-fucking-on-...dickweed." Please come prepared with a good question. And dress a little better!
* Sequel Sneakquel Peekquel - two reasons they make a sequel. One: made a buttload of cash, everybody wants another taste of the piece of the pie. Two: they screwed up, they gotta do it againT
	+ *Two More Bigger Guns* - they screwed up the first one. Mark wanted Two More guns, Denzel wanted Bigger guns, Hayes told them to do both. The first one was about Smith & Wesson vs. Remington. They're now in the future as unfrozen cowboys, trying to make their way in the present day, to understand the horseless carriages. Still being good at shooting. Dealing with the Putin stuff that's been happening. The character of Beep Box, the tiny robot butler from the moon who froze them. Japanese in behavior and voice. He would explain the plot every few minutes and very good at following the plot. It's very sad, a ten hanky movie!
	+ *Girl with Two Pearl Earrings* - another one that they messed up the first time. Sean has seen both and knows lots about both! Girl has a rock on her ear, she thinks it's a pearl, it gets stolen by a mean crab, she chases the crab, gets into the sewer, meets a whole family of alligator people, marries one of them, he kisses her so hard he bites part of her jaw off, she decides she can't stay in this marriage, goes back up, finds the crab, gets the rock back, realizes it wasn't a pearl. The original is left off with her thinking if this wasn't a pearl, should she have married that alligator man, should she never have left? The sequel address the disservice about how did these crocodile men be friends? Shows them playing Crocball. Like baseball but whack it with their tail, the ball is a little smaller than a soccer ball but very heavy. The ball is a giant roly po
	+ ly bug (played by Andy Serkis) that is stitched up, says things like "Hey Buster! That was a heckuvva wack! Can't catch me, nerrrd!" The sequel does not feature the girl much. Scarlett Johansson was replaced with Dr. Ken Jong. He's a *real* doctor.
* Pro Version - ~~TheNarnold~~ PatSmear gets rob Corddry explaining what is funny about his name (it's like Pap Smear, a thing that chicks do to their vagina)

## Recurring Jokes

* Nerds - the Crocball (Andy Serkis) taunts the nerds who can't catch him
* Wife and Kids - Hayes and Sean have too many kids
* Speak on That - Rob is asked to speak on how honesty is important to his work. The different tools in the toolbox of screen-writing tricks. How Sean's friend Brian won't pony up. Rob asks Sean to speak on the good prize that Pat Smear got.
* One Eighth Native American - Sean is frustrated by 'Chicano' being a self-described term, heritage is very important to him
* Doing a Scene - some scenes from the pilot "Rob:" returning the lawn-mower to Two-face, fucking his Pinto, getting pulled over while hating cops
* Hayes Plays a Song
	1. Nelly Furtado "I'm Like A Bird"
	2. Shop Boyz "Party Like A Rockstar"
	3. Elliott Smith "Pitseleh"
	4. Aloe Blacc "The Man"
	5. Savage Garden "Truly Madly Deeply"

## Ads

* Donate to Earwolf: It costs a lot of money to run a podcast. Brett is very sick. He might need a new brain, really doesn't look right. Sneezing lots of goop, his eye is all white, one of his arms is big and one is small. Donate to Earwolf: 100 for Brett, 100 for the studio, and 100 straight to the dome because they've been making that funny good sho-ow! (this editor speculates this is the origin of Brett's twitter handle, @brettsbrain)

## Episode Photos

*(left to right)* Hayes Davenport, Rob Corddry, Sean ClementsHayes, Sean, and Rob Corddry in the studioSean and Rob Corddry in the studioRob Corddry in the studioHayes in the studioSean in the studio