Episode 11 - The Corbomite Improver

Splitsie meets the neighbours and Capac is "the plan"

# The Corbomite Improver -Synopsis

## Prolog

(A dream of a sailboat, a calm sunny sea with seagulls, Capac sings a shanty and is looking for pirate villains.)

## Main story

Reggie shakes Capac awake. Capac slowly figures that Reggie is warning him of real, literal pirates! He looks out the cockpit window and sees the pirates have surrounded the ship and have taken Splitsie hostage.

Capac wants "sweet wheels" like the pirates have but Reggie and Steve remind him that Splitsie commanded him to stay inside. Reggie says something rude about Steve. Capac is worried because the pirates are armed and he can't hear anything because Splitsie forbid him to use the radio.

Capac interprets the command as not being allowed to *broadcast*, but he can *listen* in passively. He hears that Splitsie expected the pirates after finding the shot victim. Splitsie reveals that he rigged the RX-39487 to blow up. Capac panics and arranges his last meal, will, and testament. Steve calms Capac down--Splitsie is bluffing. Capac understands that this is Splitsie's "Corbomite Maneuver".

The pirate boss is not impressed. On all accounts, Splitsie has been trespassing and rudely messed with the pirate satellite. The pirates drag Splitsie away.

Capac panics again. What should he do, what is Splitsie's plan? Reggie indicates that *Capac is the plan*. The plan is to have the ship ready with Capac hidden inside--he jumps into action.

> Capac: We will track Splitsie down and stage a daring aerial rescue the likes of which will be sung in taverns by only the most prestigious and well-endowed of bards!
>
>

The pirates lift off with Splitsie but warily leave the RX-39487 untouched, for now.

Splitsie and the pirate boss are having a conversation in the back of the carrier. The pirate is well-spoken and monologues how Splitsie is at his mercy. Splitsie retorts "Do your friends know that their boss is wearing lady's clothing under his space suit?" The boss ponders.

>
> Boss: I didn't want to be the boss you know. I wanted to be a lumberjack, leaping from tree to tree as they flow down the mighty rivers on the northern continents of the planets a few systems corewards from here. I don't know what they're called. But they're really tall.
>
> Splitsie: What...?
>
> Boss: The trees. Very tall. Leading these savages around is absolutely exhausting, but somebody's got to do it.
>
> Splitsie: Believe it or not, I think I know the feeling.
>
> Boss: What's your name lad.
>
> Splitsie: Splitsie
>
> Boss: Thule
>
> Splitsie: What are you going to do with me, Thule?
>
>
>
>
> Boss: That all depends. I want you to tell me what's going on. I don't like surprises and the system suddenly seems to be full of them.
>
>

Splitsie admits he is in the same boat, equally looking for these answers. He just woke up here and everything tried to kill him. Thule admits that he, too, intends to kill Splitsie. Splitsie sighs.

Reggie and Steve convince Capac it's time to strike. Reggie, the copilot, is tasked with diagnostics and navigation. Capac feels weird when he sees Reggie plug himself directly into the system. Steve is on engineering duty, and if anything catches fire he will... keep an eye on it.

(Rousing pirate shanties) Capac self-motivates and spouts off nervous commands left and right. Seeing how difficult a launch is, Capac understands better why Splitsie is so cranky all the time.

## Epilog

A shackled Splitsie sits across from Thule, still on their way to the pirate camp for interrogation. Splitsie is starting to get a bad feeling about this. Thule jeers "Just now? I did say I was going to kill you, didn't I?

## References

1. ↑ Monty Python sketch: "I didn't want to be a barber anyway. I wanted to be a lumberjack. Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia. The giant redwood, the larch, the fir, the mighty scots pine."