Epic Narrator

**Epic Narrator** is one of the available narrators on the 5-Minute Dungeon Timer App.

## Dialogue Lines

### Starting Lines

* "Help! I'm trapped inside this app! Tell my wife and kids I love them."
* "You have five minutes to defeat this dungeon. Good luck!"
* "As your guide to this dungeon, I should warn you that it's very, very spooky in there."
* "Are there any dragons in these dungeons?"
* "I'm Jon Bailey and I will be your guide on this five-minute adventure! Please fasten your seat belts and put your tray tables in the upright position."
* "Are you ready for an epic adventure? Get it - epic?
* "Welcome back! Let's get this dungeon started!"
* "Alright, listen up, team, we're going into that dungeon and we're killing that baby!"
* "You better actually be playing the game and not just listening to my sweet, sexy voice."
* "Does anybody know what this button does? Oh, it starts the game."
* "Look, I get the Paladin would have access to a Holy Hand Grenade, but where exactly does Valkyrie get one?"
* "And now for some of my favorite words: pony, banana, sprinkles."
* "Back so soon? Let's dive into this wet and wild dungeon!"

### Pausing the Timer

* "Time paused"
* "Time stopped"
* "Take a break!"

### Resuming the Timer

* "Timer's back on!"
* "Timer is back on!"
* "Time resumed"
* "Time res**uuu**med"
* "Let's get going!"
* "Go!"

### At 4 Minutes

* "Only four minutes remain."
* "Only four more minutes."
* "Four minutes left."
* "Four minutes remaining."
* "Four minutes to go."

### At 3 Minutes

* "Only three minutes to go."
* "Three minutes, you guys."
* "There's, like, three minutes until this whole thing goes bad."
* "Three minutes left."

### At 2 Minutes

* "Two minutes remaining."
* "Two minutes to go."
* "Two minutes left."

### At 1 Minute

* "One minute left."
* "We need to wrap this up in less than a minute."
* "Sixty seconds to go."
* "One minute remains."
* "No, seriously! Get going! One minute!"
* "What are you waiting for? Get moving! One minute left!"

### At 30 Seconds

* "In thirty seconds, you're all losers."
* "Thirty, twenty-nine, twenty-eight."
* "Thirty seconds until death."
* "Thirty seconds until you are dead. Don't worry, I'll be fine."
* "Get going, thirty seconds!"
* "Get a move on! Thirty seconds left."
* "Hurry up already! You only have thirty seconds!"
* "Thirty seconds remaining."
* "Thirty seconds remain."

### At 10 Seconds

* "This is too close! I can't watch! Oh wait, I can't see you."
* "Ten."
* "Ten. Seconds. Left. Well, now there's like seven because that took a long time to say."
* "Only ten more seconds."
* "Only ten more seconds? This is so exciting!"
* "Ten. Seconds."

### If Team Loses

* "I'm so disappointed in all of you, especially you, Steve. Get it together, Steve!"
* "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed."
* "Man, I thought you were dead for sure. And I was right."
* "There are two types of heroes in this dungeon: Those who lived, and you."
* "The team lost the game and disappeared never to be heard from again. On the next edition of Unsolved Dungeons."
* "There's always next time, unless you're done playing. Then I guess this is goodbye. I'll always remember you."
* "Did you do it? Did you win? No, no you did not."
* "It was at this point, the heroes realized, they lost."

### If Team Wins

* "You live!"
* "You worked together like professionals and made it through the dungeon. (sobs) I am so proud of you kids."
* "They entered the dungeon as mere children but emerged fierce killing machines."
* "With their handsome and talented narrator to guide them, nothing could stop this team."
* "Oh, I'm sorry, I was watching TV. Did you win? Oh, good for you!"
* "Did you win? Oh. Good for you! Five gold stars."
* "A winner is you."
* "Thou art the winner."
* "You're alive! Good for you!"
* "What perils await the heroes in the next dungeon? Find out next time on 5-Minute Dungeon."
* "Hey, you totally made it out alive! Did not see that coming."