recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
Clásico del fútbol touwanés

Relojeros de Kronimachi

 Touou Orcas
 Primerenfrentamiento | ?? de TBD de TBD*(Amistoso)*
 Últimoenfrentamiento | ?? de TBD de 1986*(T League)*

El **Clásico del Fútbol Touwanés**, popularmente conocido en Touwa como **"El Clásico Nacional"**

## Historia

### Desastre del Estadio Takanashi

 *Artículo principal: Copa del Emperador 1963*

La final de la Copa del Emperador 1963 entre el Tokimari SC y los Touou Orcas se considera uno de los partidos más importantes y controvertidos de la historia de esta competición y que resultó en el comienzo de una intensa rivalidad entre los dos clubes. El partido se disputó en el Estadio Takanashi de la ciudad de Ōstelia, con capacidad para 75.000 espectadores y considerado uno de los más lujosos de todo el país en aquel momento.

El partido estuvo lleno de juego intenso, reveses físicos y emocionales y decisiones polémicas del árbitro. El partido permaneció sin goles hasta el minuto 65, cuando el Tokimari tomo la ventaja, no obstante, las Orcas empataron el marcador en el minuto 81.

Las tensiones aumentaron y ambos lados lucharon por un ganador. Fue entonces cuando el punto de inflexión del partido llegó por el minuto 87, con una cuestionable decisión del árbitro concediendo un tiro penal al Touou Orcas, que fallaron. En la jugada inmediata el equipo de Kronimachi tenia una clara oportunidad a la contra, pero el árbitro marcó fuera de juego, sanción que generó polémica y el enojo entre aficionados y jugadores. El partido finalmente terminó suspendido en empate 1-1, lo que obligó a una repetición en una fecha posterior.

El estadio Takanashi fue dañado por fanáticos alborotados de ambos equipos que estaban molestos por el resultado y que realizaron acusaciones de imparcialidad y corrupción contra el cuerpo arbitral y la Asociación Touwanesa de Fútbol (TFA), que posteriormente provocó una investigación sobre el partido y la posterior batalla campal, donde ambos equipos recibieron sanciones monetarias.

El *replay* jugado con muchos suplentes debido a las sanciones tuvo que ser movido al Estadio Tenchi de la ciudad de Chiyoda, donde el conjunto *Azul y Negro* ganó el partido 3-1, consiguiendo su segundo título consecutivo de la Copa del Emperador.
Asmodeus

The symbol of Asmodeus

Asmodeus is the supreme antagonist of Ydur. He is the god of domination, oppression, power, and indulgence. He is the king of the demons and devils.

He had a chosen paladin named Vexx Drothul during the First Age, who was buried with the Talisman of Asmodeus. The presence of this talisman caused the surrounding lands to turn to a desolate desert known as the Dukora Desert.
Briva

The star around which Ydur orbits. It holds great significance in cosmology and religion on Ydur, and gods of the sun (or even Briva itself), are often central figures in pantheons across the planet.

Briva has 5 planets orbiting it. In order of distance from the star, they are:

1. Huriol, a gas giant.
2. Ydur, with its moon Nuri.
3. Gryduk, a rocky planet which appears purple when looked at through a telescope.
4. Onir, an inhospitable ball of ice that is easily located in the night sky as a piercing white point.
5. Larnuhn, a rocky planet whose distance from Briva makes it much too cold to support life.
Bandrew Aenson

Bandrew Aenson is a sports journalist who primarily covers the drama within Formula D that takes place both on and off the track. He lives in an apartment in Newark, New Jersey. He does not like his apartment.

Well-known for his "Winner's Circle" interviews with the winners of each race, he gives the facts straight, and lets his interviewees speak freely.

Bandrew lives and breathes Formula D, and when he doesn't get the chance to cover the league and the events that unfold within it he isn't quite sure what to do with himself.

He has been known to drink J&B Scotch.

## Out Of Game

Kyle Ritter began the first several articles attributed to Bandrew Aenson, with the player who's team won that race collaborating with him for the "Winner's Circle" portion of each article. As time went on, however, the other players would also write their own articles in the voice of Bandrew Aenson and occasional fictional collaborators. Bandrew Aenson is a play on the name of a popular F1 sports writer for the BBC, Andrew Benson.

## List of Bandrew Aenson Articles by Season

### 2023 Season

* Aston Fartin' Inks Surprise Deal With Sebulba
* Marco Tortelloni Wins At Elkhart Lake, Sharkey Nobrakes Lives Up To Namesake
* Mav McCool Takes First, Carla Carcarcara In Critical Condition After Eventful Weekend at Suzuka
* 'Chicago Strangler' Investigation Swerves Towards Guardsley. For Loki Racing Demands Trial By Combat
* Scuderia Keeps Rolling, Nobrakes Does Not
* No Vroom Whats The Point Who Am I.
* Kisaragi Heavy Industries Goes Wire to Wire at Monaco
* REV Finishes Strong, and Many Fall Prey To ‘The Coffin Corner’ of Watkins Glen
Romio Inuzuka

Ver lista
* 289 escaños elegidos mediante escrutinio mayoritario uninominal en circunscripciones de un solo miembro (SMC)
* 176 escaños elegidos mediante escrutinio mayoritario plurinominal en circunscripciones de múltiples miembros (MMC)

**Romio Inuzuka, vizconde de Verora** (犬塚露壬雄 *Inuzuka Romio*; Touou, 28 de abril de 1996) es un político y aristócrata towano miembro del Partido Reformista Demócratico. Actualmente es miembro de la Cámara de Representantes por el 1.º circuito electoral de la prefectura de Dahlia Oriental. Anteriormente represento al 8.º circuito electoral de la prefectura de Touou, además de desempeñarse como embajador de Touwa ante Occidente. Romio, pertenece al prestigioso clan Inuzuka, siendo el segundo y último hijo de Shiba e Chiwa Inuzuka. Es hermano de Airu Inuzuka, actual jefe del clan y tambíen diputado.

Es el esposo de la vizcondesa de Verora, Juliet Persia, hija de Turkish, conde de Verora y su esposa, la condesa Ragdoll. La unión de ambos se convirtio en el primer matrimonio oficial entre un towano y una occidental en la historia.
Wiki The Dahlia Gazette

**¡Bienvenidos a Wiki The Dahlia Gazette!**
Somos una comunidad web colaborativa sobre The Dahlia Gazette en la que cualquiera, incluyéndote a ti, puede contribuir. Los wikis como este dependen de que los lectores se involucren y añadan contenido. ¡Haz clic en el botón de *"CREAR UN NUEVO ARTÍCULO"* o *"EDITAR"* al comienzo de cada página para comenzar!

## Artículos importantes

ImagenUna página sobre el tema del wikiImagenUn personaje principalImagenEl primer episodioImagenUna ubicación importanteImagenUn evento claveImagenUn objeto crucial

*¿Necesitas ayuda para construir esta comunidad?*

* Normas del wiki
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* Dirigiendo tu comunidad
* Guías
* Todos los artículos de ayuda

También puedes ser parte de la mayor familia de comunidades de Fandom. Visita la Comunidad Central de Fandom!

*Fundadores de la comunidad*: Escribid un buen párrafo describiendo el tema de la comunidad aquí. Permitid que vuestros lectores sepan más del tema sobre el que trata este wiki y algo de información general sobre el mismo. Luego visitad el panel de administración para más consejos.
The Stewards

(their good deeds innumerable)

May they forever reign. They are the ruling body of the Formula D Championship. Their number, nature, and origins are unknown. They are rumored to possess otherworldly power and knowledge, and their rulings in regard to Formula D are absolute. It is unclear if they commune directly with The Lord of Haste or if they merely interpret what they believe best serves him.

They bestowed The Driver's Code upon the world. Their rulings on issues have lead to the precedent that is known in Formula D as DZNTS69.420, AKA the Air Bud rule, which can be summed up as "unless otherwise stated in The Driver's Code, anything goes".
TP Carson

TP Carson was the team principal for Rev My Engine Motorsport. He instilled an atmosphere of sexual exploration and depravity within the confines of the Rev My Engine headquarters.

On September 2, 2023, he took part in the mid-season TP Grand Prix at the Nevada racetrack, during which he DNF'd and died while trying to perform autoerotic asphyxiation on himself during the last turn of the race.

He was replaced after his death by TP Cal Naughton, Jr.
Driver Skills

Each driver in Formula D has, usually, two driver skills. These are special abilities assigned to the driver at initial character creation, and which may be changed, removed, or added due to in-race and out-of-race events later on. They are used during races to try and get an advantage over the other drivers.

The driver skills were originally drawn from the pool of 11 that are provided in the Formula D advanced ruleset and quick rules guide.

Below is the numbered list of current driver skills, and their current descriptions (the list and descriptions may change):
Trunor

A nation of Ydur. Also mostly human, with the occasional dwarves or well-mannered half-orcs. Trunor is so named after the holy land established by the Bremerans. Many of the leaders of the rebellion were from the lands of Trunor, and rebelled for religious reasons.

They worship the sun, Briva, and the goddess of the sun, redemption, honesty and healng: Sarenrae. The people of Trunor are called Trunorians, and practitioners of the religion of Briva are called Brivans. Briva’s worship is the state religion of Trunor, and while other religions are tolerated, they are looked down upon, with worship of Asmodeus being outright forbidden.

The capital city is Trunor City, located at the site where the Bremerans established the original holy ground. Trunor has another large city down the Griyarn, Burion, and one near the Spine, Joklith, where the majority of the dwarven citizens of Trunor call home.
The Shining Wilds

"The shining wilds" is both a common and proper noun, depending on context. As a common noun, it is used in relation to the entire portion of prehistory in The First Age before The Shared Ancestors came into being. As a proper noun, The Shining Wilds is the name of the mythic gardens of primordial magic where the gods are rumored to have first created life on Ydur. They are of a time, people believe, when magic still readily infused and interjected itself into every nook and cranny of existence, changing the mountains and valleys of the world in the blink of an eye. The Shining Wilds embody the prototypical ideal of "terrible beauty". They were divine sanctuaries for nature to truly flourish, before the existence of morality, respect, love, hatred, domination, or oppression. They were equal parts mystical, uncaring, mercurial, and majestic.

There has never been any definitive evidence of their location or existence, but Taleisin Trasys' legendary bow *Spider's Rage* is said to be carved from an Elderwood tree by the goddess Erastil herself.

Additionally, the term "shining wilds" is often evoked in colloquialisms, like "off in the shining wilds" (meaning "way out in the middle of nowhere"), or as a reference to something untamed or out of hand "that boy's shinin' wild".
The Search for The Tomb of Vexx Drothul

This was a one-shot campaign run by Dave Carson.

It took place in T.A. 569. It is alternatively known as The Dukora Expedition.

The expedition was a joint effort by the nations of Barruhn, due to the rising activity of the cult of Asmodeus. There were rumors that a mythic Talisman of Asmodeus had been buried with a paladin of Asmodeus named Vexx Drothul during the First Age. The expedition party consisted of four members, all from different nations: Vora Orithi, a paladin of Abadar from Grevania; Sadir Ankleslicer, an assassin and covert operative from Bremera; Taleisin Trasys, the best hunter in Mirathira; and Timofey Finyarn, a cleric of Iomedae from Norland and heir apparent of the Lordship of Finyarn. The group successfully located the tomb and retrieved the talisman from within. However, its power was used by Timofey to revivify Sadir after the halfling sacrificed himself for the group. Timofey would go on to live in shame and be excommunicated from his church and family due to this use of dark magic, despite his just and noble intentions.
Cecil Stegman

The current owner of Kisaragi Heavy Industries F1. He is the son of the CEO of the international conglomerate Kisaragi Heavy Industries. He is a shrewd man who is trying to impress his father by owning and operating an ASSCAR team. His father remains unimpressed.

Cecil is often grumpy, and based off of an interview he once did with Bandrew Aenson, he is possibly an alcoholic.

It is unclear if the disappearances of KHIF1 employees who have wronged the company is at the behest of Cecil, or his father.
The Dukora Desert

A desert of Ydur. A wasteland with some minor oases sprinkled throughout it. The desert is not ruled by any government, and is often considered a land of bandits and nomads, the largest settlements being made of easily collapsible tents. As a result, travel through the desert is usually avoided if possible.
Brogmirn

A place in Ydur. Almost entirely populated by orcs, Brogmirn is not one nation, but rather the name for the area north of the Creons in which the orc tribes largely reside. The tribes are, at best, unified for short periods of time to raid other tribes or settlements on the other side of the mountains, and can contain 50 - 3,000 individuals.
Sebulba

Sebulba is a driver in the Formula D Championship. He is currently driving for Aston Fartin' Racing. His driver skills are Aggressive and Car Radio.

Sebulba is a Dug from the planet Malastare in the Skyriver Galaxy. He had previously been involved with the sport of pod racing on the planet Tatooine, before losing to the child Anakin Skywalker. After an unknown period of time, Sebulba appeared on Earth and registered as a driver for the 2023 season Formula D Drivers Draft, during which he was signed to Aston Fartin' Racing.

Before the third race of the 2023 season, Sebulba slept with Jason, the husband of rival FD driver Sharkey Nobrakes, and Sharkey found out after seeing bacta that had been left on Jason's neck from the tryst. Then, during the second corner of the following race, Sebulba threw his car radio at Sharkey, causing significant damage to Nobrakes' car and forcing him to DNF for the second time in the season.
Taki Quickahashi

Taki Quickahashi was a driver in the Formula D Championship. He drove for Kisaragi Heavy Industries F1. His driver skills were Better Nitro and Skidding Pro. Taki was imprisoned by Cecil Stegman and the KHIF1 team after developing Speed Madness at Suzuka in the 2023 season. While imprisoned he died of unspecified causes. KHIF1's official statement is that he disappeared after being released from his imprisonment. After his "disappearance", due to a legally-binding will request, Taki's wife Talia Turboblast replaced him on the KHIF1 roster. The two had an adult son together.

During the first race of the 2023 season Taki placed 4th out of 6, with Bjorn Burnoutsson placing 5th and no driver getting 6th due to Sharkey Nobrakes' DNF. However, despite NOT finishing last, Taki insisted "If I'm not first, I'm last!" and demanded he be counted as having finished in "last place". His attitude seemed to have changed by the next race at Suzuka though, because Taki finished 5th that day but there was no demand to again call it "last place".

At the 2023 race at Suzuka, Taki entered a Portal to Hell along with Carla Nitrosterone and Marco Tortelloni. It caused his driver skills to change permanently, placed upon him the Mark of The Speed God, and induced Speed Madness.

League physician Dr. Ned Cromancer diagnosed the three drivers with Speed Madness after completion of the race. While Darkla and Marco were rushed to Suzuka Memorial Hospital, Taki was whisked away by KHIF1 personnel. A statement was later released by the Kisaragi team that Quickahashi had been imprisoned in a secret location due to his consistently poor performance and new diagnosis. While the backlash to these punitive measures had initially been severe, TP Stocker insisted that the team's right to imprison its drivers was outlined in their signing contracts.
The Dwarven Territories

A nation of Ydur. Almost all of the citizens of the Territories are dwarves, as the only cities in the nation are underground and most of the other races find them insufferable after any serious length of stay. The capital is the first dwarven city ever founded, Nokodrath. The three other cities, as stated above, are Huraksik, Rork, and Borthask.

The cities are largely independent from one another, but the Municipal Magistrates of each city come together once every sixth months to discuss any situations that may require the help of the other cities. Then, after a deliberation and any decisions, they get completely hammered.

Dwarves do not worship a singular god, with many not worshipping any, finding it much more effective and practical to focus on the events around themselves. However, if a dwarf is religious, odds are they worship Torag, the god of the forge and protection.
Grevania

A nation of Ydur. Grevania is mostly inhabited by humans. Its capital is the city of Polovni at the mouth of the Krast, and it has three other cities: Hoshka further up the Krast, Yovgan near the tip of the large Kostroyan Peninsula, and Lopinokosh deep in the eastern forests.

Grevania is often at odds with Mirathira. After the fall of The Divine Realm of Bremera, Grevania wanted a large part of the land that Mirathira thought was rightfully their own. The war between the two nations lasted from T.A. 96 to T.A. 103. The line settled upon at the end of this struggle was placed in the Grevanians’ favor and since then they have constantly been trying to push it further into the Mirathiran lands through both business deals and forceful seizing.

The woman named Vora Orithi, the captain of the first ship to cross Kovraya Barif to Heimbald, was from Grevania.
Talia Turboblast

Talia, in her normal vacuuming attire

Talia Turboblast is a driver in the Formula D Championship. She currently drives for Kisaragi Heavy Industries F1. Her driver skills are Pile of Scrap and Car Radio.

She is the widow of former KHIF1 driver Taki Quickahashi. Talia is a former racing ace in her own right, but after becoming pregnant with Taki's child she begrudgingly took to the sidelines and watched her husband chase his dream. When news got out that Taki had "disappeared" after his imprisonment and was then pronounced dead, his last will and testament came into effect and Talia was legally-bound to take his place racing for Kisaragi.

Although her husband's disappearance does worry her, their son is now a young adult and Talia is relishing the opportunity to quit all the homemaking and start burning rubber again.
Mirathira

A nation of Ydur. Mostly inhabited by elves and half-elves, with some humans. The High Council resides in the city of Ohnestirin. While not the official capital, the High Council is the ruling body of Mirathira, making Ohnestirin the defunct capital of the nation. The other prominent cities are Ashtaril, Yurastora, Arintor, and Sarthera. The Grand Historical Order, the founding of which marked the beginning of the Second Age, is located in the riverside mountain city of Ashtaril.

The elves of Mirathira mostly practice the religion called Ydurim. It is the combined worship of Irori (history, knowledge, self-perfection) and Gozreh (nature, weather, the sea). It is a belief in the sanctity of nature, and that truth can be reached by not only studying nature, but by becoming one with it. All of history is recorded in the ground and the air, and if you listen closely enough, you can discern it from the world around you.
Chuck "Fuck" Ztimzon

Chuck "Fuck" Ztimzon is a driver in the Formula D Championship. He is currently driving for FourLOKO Racing. His driver skills are Skidding Pro and Quick off the Mark.

Chuck wanted nothing more in life than to drive in a Formula D race. The week before his first race at Suzuka, however, Chuck got so excited thinking about it that he aspirated an entire hot dog into his lung and died. Per his living will request, he was zombified by the FD league physician Dr. Ned Cromancer. He is the first zombie (previously-dead American) in FD history.
The Relyan Coastal Alliance (RCA)

A nation of Ydur. The RCA is largely comprised of humans (about 1/2) but due to the exodus from Barruhn as a result of the Bremerans, almost every other race can be found in its population in a sizable number. Its capital is the city that has risen up in the location of the first settlement from the expedition to Relya in S.A. 829, Far Harbor. There are five other cities in the RCA, Northrun along Siroa Barif to the north, Grenderk along the Jurhreon, Ostberan to the west along the coast of the Farasht Sea, Fendom in the lands to the south, and Dar Kiran along the southern coast, right at the division of Kovraya and Siroa Barifs.

The RCA is run by a group of 18 ministers, three elected from each of the six provinces (each home to one of the major cities), and they nominate and elect a Lord Minister every 5 years. The Lord Minister’s duty is to act and speak on behalf of the nation as a whole.

The RCA has a multitude of religions and beliefs, with the government believing that a multitude of beliefs and backgrounds aid in innovation, and that innovation is the key to economic success. The government of the RCA has no official religion, but holds the value of gold in highest regard. It is the second largest trading nation on Ydur (second only to Tillfior). Worship of Abadar is by far the most common, with Gozreh close behind in second place, and a number of gods and goddesses filling in the rest.
Formula D Championship

Now known as ***ASSCAR***, what was formerly the Formula D Championship is the largest, most successful, and most important sporting event in the world.

The Formula D Championship is a racing league that holds seasons on a semi-regular basis, at the whim of The Stewards (their judgment forever virtuous). It is comprised of several racing teams. Teams compete in races against one another to earn points across the course of a season. The number of races in a season may vary. At the end of the season, the team with the most points is crowned the Formula D Champion. Every season is opened with the ceremonial sacrificing of one of the unsigned drivers. Just before the start of the first race of the season the randomly-chosen unsigned driver is executed on the starting line via gunshot to the head.

Each team is made up of (usually) two drivers, who are picked by the teams at the beginning of the season.

Formula D is covered by multiple media outlets around the world, but none are more hard-hitting than leading Formula D journalist Bandrew Aenson.

Between race 4 (Monaco) and 5 (Singapore) of the 2023 season, The Stewards (in all their power and intellect) chose to rename/rebrand the Formula D Championship. The teams were allowed to suggest new names for the league, and then vote on which they liked best via rank-list voting. The winning name was ASSCAR.

## 2023 Season

(March 30, 2023 - TBD)

\*Taki Quickahashi, racing for KHIF1, insisted on being marked as having finished "last"

\*\*TP Carson died during this race (via auto-erotic asphyxiation)

\*\*\*Skid Baggs DNF'd, but due to a race event still got 1 point

\*"Burnoutsson was kidnapped by The Black Van after DNF
The Second Age

An Age in the chronology of Ydur. Commonly abbreviated as S.A. (Second Age). It starts at the founding of The Grand Historical Order (S.A. 0) and proceeds until the conclusion of The Summer of Blood in S.A. 2,280. It is sometimes referred to as "the age of records", "the divine age". or "the Barruhnian age".
Barruhn

The western-most continent of Ydur. This is the origin place of sentient life on Ydur. Barruhn, as of F.A. 210, is contains 7 nations:

* Norland
* Trunor
* The Dwarven Territories
* Mirathira
* Grevania
* Bremera
* Tillfior

Additionally, The Dukora Desert is located in the mideast of the continent and is a sparsely-populated, unregulated land.
Portal to Hell

A large, flaming archway to Hell. It is unknown if this is the same place as the Hell from Christian theology, but it is known as "the realm of The Speed God". Upon entering it, a driver is engulfed by the realm of The Speed God. To the outside world, they instantly appear ahead on the track immediately after entering the portal, but to them... who knows for how long they were inside Velocitus' domain. They emerge changed in some fundamental way, with a Mark of The Speed God on their body, and a twinkle of Speed Madness in their eye.

Currently, there is only one open Portal to Hell, and it is located two spaces after the end of the second corner on the Suzuka racetrack, on the inside lane.

## Out of Game

"Portal to Hell" was originally a race event written by Dave Carson. It was drawn by Kyle Ritter while playing as the driver formerly known as Carla Carcarcara during the second race of the 2023 season, at Suzuka.

When this race event card is drawn, a Portal to Hell appears on the track 3 spaces ahead of the driver who drew it. Any driver who enters it rolls a 6th gear die and instantly teleports that many spaces forward on the track. Their movement for this turn is now over. They exit the portal in the gear they entered it in. If this teleportation lands them in a corner it counts as a stop for the corner. The turn order still abides by the normal rules. However, it's not all good: their journey through hell leaves them forever changed. They are now Marked by the Speed God, and they must re-roll their two driver skills immediately. After this race they contract Speed Madness.
Ted Cruise

Ted Cruise is a driver in the Formula D Championship. He is currently driving for Scuderia Calamari. His driver skills are Aggressive and Ace at the Wheel.

Ted was previously a United States Senator from Texas for the Republican Party named Ted Cruz. He grew tired of the political games, and in an attempt to hide his identity and undergo a career pivot he changed his last name to "Cruise" and began driving race cars.
List of Formula D Championship Drivers

## Signed Drivers

* Skid Baggs
* Bjorn Burnoutsson
* Ted Cruise
* Carla Nitrosterone
* Bang Ding Ow
* K'Thaw Guardsley
* Mav McCool
* Troy Carcarcara
* Sharkey Nobrakes
* Sebulba
* Marco Tortelloni
* Talia Turboblast
* Chuck "Fuck" Ztimzon

## Unsigned Drivers

* Ricky Roadhead
* Dash Speedington
* Alexis Texas
* Mero von Plimbus

## Deceased/Quit Drivers

* Lionel L'accélérateur
* Taki Quickahashi
Carla Nitrosterone

Carla Nitrosterone is a driver in the Formula D Championship. She is currently driving for Aston Fartin' Racing. Her driver skills are Quick Off The Mark and Experienced Mechanic.

Carla began the 2023 season under the name "Carla Carcarcara". Then, during the race at Suzuka in the 2023 season, she developed Speed Madness after traveling through a Portal to Hell. Afterwards, in the ICU at Suzuka Memorial Hospital, she announced to the world that she would be known as Darkla Dardardarkla. She then began leading a cult of followers in worship of The Speed God.

During qualifiers for the 2023 season's race at Lexington she (at that time named Darkla Dardardarkla) and teammate Troy Nitrosterone crashed head-on over a mystical ley line. This crash caused them to get magically fused and then re-separated. As they came away, they formed two new drivers: Carla Nitrosterone and Troy Carcarcara. Their driver skills were swapped, and Carla got "all the hot parts" of both original drivers, with Troy getting stuck with "all the ugly parts".

Carla bears a Mark of The Speed God as a result of her traveling through the Portal to Hell at Suzuka during the 2023 season.
No Vroom Whats The Point Who Am I.

By Bandrew Aenson

Fuck-me-o’clock | My goddamn apartment

After what can only be described as one of the most eventful weeks in Formula D history, the scheduled race in Monaco was postponed due to fuckin *whatever* man.

Racr Recap:

There wasnt one. No one danced the dance of the black top. No one threw radioes at anyone. No one was killed or tlansported to Vroomtown or whatever new name the fuckin FD PR boys is calling it.

Astn Farting bought a third goddamn driver. For Loki Racing had a viking spout racist stuff, and Quickahashi FUCKING DIED. And where is everyone? Not in Monaco, thats where.

And further: where am I? WHERE AM I YOU ASK DEARREADER??  I’m in the linoleum-floored cumstain I call my house in Newark, Dick-Shit New Jersey, the King Fuck of Shit Mountain.

Usully, I get to speak with wach team at each race, and then go with the winner to their home turf for the Winner’s Circle. But no, now because everyone isn’t in one location, my editors wouldn’t comp me tickets to fly between all of the teams’ headquarters and cover the off-track developments (Its not like its my fucking JOB ERIC). And I’m a goddamn internet reporter who covers VROOMVROOMBEEPBEEP so I couldnt exactly pay to do it on my own.

So, I’m here, in Newark, typing and drinking a glass of J&B scotch while in my underpants and crocs.

It’s time like this when

At times like

It’s timeS like this when what my dad said about producing something makes sense. Like *producing* something, ya know? Not just like “oh Taki fuckin slipped on a fuckin giant banana peel and then fuckin whoever did like a power slide through turn 5 and fuckin passed JFK or whatever, BLEEHHH” FUck me.

See you whenever, Earth. Bandrew out.

\_\_ \_\_

Up Next: pornhub and flamin hot cheetos out of a ziplock bag if im lucky

**Editor's Note**: this article was published May, 29th, 2023 on www.BBC.com as part of the BBC's coverage of Formula D, but was not provided to the BBC's sports editors, executive editor, or legal team beforehand. It is unclear how Mr. Aenson was able to post it to the website, but he has been located and we are conducting an internal investigation into his behavior, as well as seeking out mental health services for him. Mr. Aenson has been with the corporation for many years and has had impeccable service thus far, to not only us, but to the readers and to the sport he clearly loves. This is all being taken into consideration during our investigation into how the above article came to be, and we expect him to return to his coverage of Formula D as soon as possible. Speed Godspeed.
The Grand Historical Order

The Grand Historical Order, in the mountains along the outskirts of Ashtaril

The oldest contemporary organization in all of Ydur, at 3064 years old. The founders of the Order were the creators and users of the first written language, dubbed *Ehdoñe*. They decided this constituted a big enough shift in history that they proclaimed The Second Age to have begun with the founding of The Grand Historical Order and the introduction of the written word to Ydur.

While its members are comprised of individuals from every race and nearly every nation, the majority of members of the Order are elves from Mirathira.
The Brosmos Wiki

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Mav McCool

Mav McCool pictured on right

Mav McCool is a driver in the Formula D Championship. He is currently driving for Rev My Engine Motorsport. His driver skills are Aggressive and Better Nitro.

He openly takes "rhino pills" before races because, as he reports, they allow his penis to remain erect for as long as possible during the subsequent competition. He ran over and killed a fan who was intoxicated by marijuana during the 2023 Suzuka race.
Zombies

Also known as "previously-dead Americans", a zombie is a person who has been brought back from death to a state of semi-life called "undeath". The only known zombie in Formula D/ASSCAR at this time is Chuck "Fuck" Ztimzon. He died after choking on a hot dog before his first race, and was reanimated by Dr. Ned Cromancer.

Zombies are still able to race, and maintain some of the interests/personality they had before their death. However, they have much less personal motivation and volition, and are much more suggestible than before they died. They cannot die, but are not very sturdy and lose their semi-rotted body parts rather easily. While they do have a desire to eat humans, their lack of moment-to-moment volition means that they are able to be dissuaded against doing so. If bitten by a zombie, a human will instantly go through the process of dying and then becoming zombified and brought back to a state of undeath.

Interestingly, and for some unknown reason, when a person becomes zombified all of the s's in their name become z's.
The Driver's Code

The code of laws, rules, regulations, and moral commandments for the Formula D Championship. It was handed down to humanity by The Stewards (may their generosity be forever unbridled) as the direct word of The Speed God.

The Code is the source of a substantial portion of The Speed God's gospel. The Driver's Code is the most printed book in history, and has been translated into more than 1,600 languages world-wide.

While often cited as a "rule" from The Driver's Code, DZNTS69.420 is actually an un-written precedent set by The Stewards (a thousand-thousand graces upon them) over the course of their many rulings.
Kurvinda

A nation of Ydur. Kurvinda is, as most Relyan nations, populated largely by humans. Its capital is Erndur along the eastern coast, and it has three other cities: Muhnth, further down the eastern coast; Ivora, along the Jurhreon; and Oasis along the Mhreneo.

Kurvinda has a good relationship with the RCA, and a tentatively pleasant one with The Farasht Dominion, but tensions always seem to run high along the border between the two. The relationship with the Baronies of Khurnea is a little more complicated. Kurvindans tend to look upon the Baronies with some mixture of pity and remorse, but find their fiercely independent nature and near-hate of Kurvinda as infuriating, albeit fair.

Kurvindans largely practice the worship of Abadar, Erastil, and Gozreh, as they have very strong roots in self-reliant famring and sea travel. They are run by a cabinet of 9 elected individuals who are required to have owned at least 100 acres of land. Any citizen who owns land may vote in the elections.
Vora Orithi

Vora captaining her ship, The Brinebreeze

A half-elf Grevanian woman and paladin of Abadar. Best known for her discovery of Heimbald, which began the Fourth Age. She was a decorated general, and hero of Grevania, which lead to her being the first appointed member of the Dukora Expedition of T.A. 569 that was tasked with finding the Tomb of Vexx Drothul. For the voyage that lead to the discovery of Heimbald, she captained a ship called *The Brinebreeze.*

Taller than the average half-elf, she is also known as The Silver Drake because of her long white hair and gray skin, which feeds into rumors of possible Draw ancestry. She was the general for a controversial skirmish between Grevania and Mirathira in T.A. 567 that won Grevania significantly more land in what was once Mirathiran territory.

After returning with the Talisman of Asmodeus, Vora spent several decades enjoying her cemented status as a hero in Grevanian society. It was this status that lead to her receiving the honor of commanding *The Brinebreeze* on its voyage to the bottom of the world, which resulted in the discovery of the continent of Heimbald.

Her sword, a falchion called Dragon’s Breath, has been handed down to her through generations of the Orithi family. The blade is black steel, but seems almost charred, as if it has been forever covered in a black ash. The story passed down by the Orithi family is that Borgis Orithi was leading a party to kill a firedrake who had been burning the crops of local farmers. During the battle the drake swallowed Borgis whole. Refusing to give up, Borgis slashed inside the dragon with all his might. His will to live was noticed by the gods and Abadar granted him shield from the flames. He cut himself free from the inside of the drake and the sword was imbued with mighty dragon's fire. When the falchion is swung it begins to heat up like the belly of a dragon, each swing adding heat and changing the glow of the sword from the red of hot metal, to the blinding white of the sun. Scaling fire damage with each consecutive swing, gaining more heat when connecting with an enemy.
Skid Baggs

Skid Baggs is a driver in the Formula D Championship. He is currently driving for Kisaragi Heavy Industries F1. His driver skills are Better Nitro and Weather Frog.

Skid is 85% human, with the other 15% being comprised of cybernetic implants. He's said that he likes racing because it gets him away from his "nagging bitch of a wife."
Mark of The Speed God

It has not been yet described what form the "Mark of The Speed God" takes, or what significance it has to the life, soul, or importance of the person who bears it. It is unclear if all Marks of The Speed God appear the same. Usually, it is the result of directly or nearly-directly interacting with The Speed God. It is suspected that it indicates some sort of preference or favor by The Speed God to those who bear his mark, but it may simply be akin to a brand, indicating that they have communed with him.

The first people to be Marked by The Speed God passed through a Portal to Hell. However, since then there have been multiple other instances of a driver becoming Marked. Often, when one becomes Marked, they develop temporary Speed Madness.

In some instances, the Mark of The Speed God has conferred immunity in a driver to effects from The Decelerator.

## List of People Known to Bear a Mark of The Speed God

* Carla Nitrosterone
* Marco Tortelloni
* Taki Quickahashi
* K'Thaw Guardsley
Sadir Ankleslicer

Sadir and his dagger, Soul Eater

A halfling who hails from Korinsa in Bremera. Best known for being the second appointed member of the expedition party of T.A. 569 that was tasked with finding the Tomb of Vexx Drothul.

No one knows his true last name but he was given the name Ankleslicer because of his short stature and favored method of maiming taller opponents. Sadir was born poor and often had to steal to feed his parents and young sister Sadira. One day, Sadir was caught stealing meats from a butcher and barely escaped. The butcher, seeking retribution, hired two goons to go after the halfling. They found his family's shack deep within the slums, broke in, and beat Sadir within inches of his life. His father and mother were killed in the struggle, and the goons kidnapped Sadira. Beaten and broken, Sadir swore revenge on the butcher and the men who tore apart his family.

Armed with a makeshift dagger and fiber wire, he went back to the butcher's shop. There, he found a lifeless Sadira, strangled to death. Sadir attacked the butcher and his goons in a flurry of anger and rage, mercilessly and brutally eviscerating the men. Calista, the god of lust and vengeance, was impressed by his drive to incite revenge and granted him one of her most powerful weapons: a dagger known as Soul Eater.

Soul Eater is a long dagger with the symbol of Calista on the handle, and a clear orb pommel stone. Looking closely into the stone you can see the ephemeral souls of the last three creatures to be slain by the dagger. Each soul’s most powerful attribute grants a specific power to the wielder of the dagger.

Sadir carried out many clandestine operations for the government of Bremera over the years, and for his ruthlessness and cunning they chose him as the Bremeran hero for the mission to find the Tomb of Vexx Drothul. While the Talisman was successfully recovered, Sadir sacrificed himself to insure his comrades made it out alive. In repayment for this act, Timofey Finyarn used the Talisman of Asmodeus to revive Sadir, inadvertently severing the Finyarn's connection to his own god, Iomedae.

Sadir returned to his old life of carrying out assassinations and covert missions for the government of Bremera, as well as anyone who would pay well. His patrons and government handlers did not care about whether he had been brought back with dark magic or not as long as he continued to get the job done, However, the legend of Sadir Deathshaker, the unkillable assassin of the Bremeran government, soon spread across the criminal and political underbelly of Barruhn.
Relya

The eastern-most continent of Ydur. As of F.A. 210 it contains 4 nations:

* The Baronies of Khurnea
* Kurvinda
* The Relyan Coastal Alliance (RCA)
* The Farasht Dominion

Additionally, Brogmirn is the name of the region north of the Creons, where the vast majority of orcs live. It is not one nation, but a hodge-podge of villages and tribes, ranging anywhere in population from 50 - 3,000 people each. Primarily ruled by half-orc warlords, there is a very basic system of law in place, but no overarching centralized government to speak of.
Bjorn Burnoutsson

Bjorn Burnoutsson is a driver in the Formula D Championship. He is currently driving for For Loki Racing. His driver skills are How Sweet! and Weather Frog.

Bjorn, along with the rest of the original For Loki Racing team, is from the era of the vikings. One day they all fell through a portal through space-time and ended up in modern-day Chicago. They race to celebrate and praise the Norse gods Odin and Loki.

During the 2023 season race at Lexington he DNF'd while near The Black Van. Two men in black masks jumped out, put a black bag over his head and pulled him into their van, then sped off. His whereabouts are currently unknown.
Troy Carcarcara

Troy Carcarcara is a driver in the Formula D Championship. He currently drives for Aston Fartin' Racing. His driver skills are Pile of Scrap and Skidding Pro.

Troy was a late addition to the 2023 AFR roster. After Race 3 in Chicago, the owner of Aston Fartin' Racing experienced a financial windfall from a successful crypto scheme and decided to use the winnings to sign a third driver to the AFR team. His pick was the driver then known as "Troy Nitrosterone."

During qualifiers for the 2023 season's race at Lexington he (at that time named Troy Nitrosterone) and teammate Darkla Dardardarkla crashed head-on over a mystical ley line. This crash caused them to get magically fused and then re-separated. As they came away, they formed two new drivers: Carla Nitrosterone and Troy Carcarcara. Their driver skills were swapped, and Carla got "all the hot parts" of both original drivers, with Troy getting stuck with "all the ugly parts".
Tillfior

A nation of Ydur. Tillfior is made up of the Tillekar Peninsula, Fior, and the intermediate islands. Its capital city is Illara along the Norinth, with two other large cities on the peninsula, Ishcor and Voxis, and the largest city of the country, Ymorae, on Fior, which is largely inhabited by humans now as well.

In the present-day, Tillfior is known for it’s beautiful coastlines and jungles, and is the trading capital of the world. Ymorae is the largest city on Ydur, with 2,000 shipping vessels passing through the port city every week.

Tillfior joined the fight against Bremera due to arguments over trade and taxation. Besides this quarrel though, they share many culturally similar beliefs with that of the Bremerans. They also commonly worship Abadar and Gozreh, and supported Bremera during the reforming of their country.
For Loki Racing

One of the Formula D Championship Teams. Abbreviated as "FLO". Their current team principal is TP Peterson. Their current signed drivers are Bjorn Burnoutsson and K'Thaw Guardsley.

The For Loki Racing team is originally from the era of the vikings. One day they all fell through a portal through space-time and ended up in modern-day Chicago. They race to celebrate and praise the Norse gods Odin and Loki.
Sharkey Nobrakes

Sharkey Nobrakes is a driver in the Formula D Championship. He is currently driving for FourLOKO Racing. His driver skills are Better Nitro and Skidding Pro.

Sharkey's last name is pronounced "nabrackees". He speaks with a vaguely eastern/northern European accent, and has been reported at different times to be either Polish or Swedish. He does his best to avoid the subject.

Sharkey was the first DNF of the 2023 season. Before the third race of the 2023 season, Sharkey discovered that his husband Jason had slept with Sebulba. Sharkey insisted that he be put in for the upcoming race in Chicago to challenge Sebulba and earn his pride back. Before exiting the second corner of the race, Sebulba threw his car radio at Sharkey, causing significant damage to Nobrakes' car and forcing him to DNF. Sharkey then, in disgrace, took a brief hiatus from Formula D to get his life back together.

## In Other Realms

A character with a similar name, Sharkey Ninetoes, was used as a PC by Kyle Peterson in a campaign DM'd by Kyle Ritter which was set in Ydur. He was a pirate-themed dwarf with a severe Napolean complex.
The Farasht Dominion

A nation of Ydur. The Farasht Dominion’s population is split into three major groups: About 60% are half-elves, 30% are humans, and 10% are elves. Their capital is Voyage’s End, located along the coast of the Farasht Sea, and it is the oldest settlement on Relya outside of the RCA. They have only one other large city in their nation, Ristira, located along the Mhreneo.

The Farasht Dominion, out of a result of their elven roots and the widespread practice of Ydurim, actively put restrictions on the sizes of their settlements and numbers of immigrants in order to leave as little of an impression upon the natural world as they can.
Aston Fartin' Inks Surprise Deal With Sebulba

By Bandrew Aenson

1 hour ago | Formula D

In a controversial move, Aston Fartin' Racing has signed notorious pod racer Sebulba for the upcoming 2023 Formula D season. To our knowledge Sebulba has never driven a race car. Team Principle Kyle Ritter was confident after the signing:

Kyle: "Look at this guy, he's got like 4 arms. This literally can't go tits up."

Sebulba: "Yoka to Bantha poodoo."

Kyle: "See?"
The Speed God

> *"GO GO GO! WE DO NOT STOP!" - The Speed God speaking to Bjorn Burnoutsson*
>
>

The Speed God demands humanity constantly progress, accelerating faster and faster. For drivers, this translates to racing as quickly and as furiously as possible. He has been known to leave marks on the bodies of certain devotees. The significance of these marks is unclear. One's overindulgence of speed and velocity can result in them becoming enamored and maddened by the lure of the black top, leading them into a semi-religious temporary insanity known as Speed Madness. It takes significant energy, time, sacrifice, and devotion to remain constantly moving, improving, and building because, as of yet, all things eventually succumb to the will of The Decelerator. To worship The Speed God is to stave off the oppressive grasp of Ol' Man Cessation, and it is said that one day a savior will be born who will finally break free of the chains of entropy and lead the world into unending acceleration and speed.

The Speed God's domain is colloquially known as Hell, due to its resemblance to the classic depictions of the Hell of Christian theology. The organization that runs the Formula D Championship, only referred to as The Stewards (holy are they and unrivaled by anyone) are widely regarded as interpreters of The Speed God's word to the people of Earth. The Driver's Code makes up a significant portion of the gospel of The Speed God. "Speed Godspeed" is a common salutation among the people of Earth.

Carla Nitrosterone (who was, at the time, known as Carla Carcarcara) contracted Speed Madness after entering a Portal to Hell during the Suzuka race in the 2023 season of FDC (along with Marco Tortelloni and Taki Quickahashi). While in the ICU at Suzuka Memorial Hospital, Carla took on the new persona of Darkla, and proclaimed that she was now a herald of The Speed God.