Goosey Goosey Gander

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***Goosey Goosey Gander*** is a British television game show based on the 90s Italian game show *Il grande gioco dell'oca*. The show challenges players to win large amounts of money by playing a massive version of the board game popular on the continent, "The Goose Game", involving players racing to get around a board of 63 spaces.

The show was premiered on The Night of the Innocents in 2021 and was so popular Admiral's broadcasters were only too happy to make their own versions on the Swedish set, starting with the British version, then versions in [[

## Format

Four adult contestants, two men and two women, play a giant board game based on the centuries-old children's game, the Game of the Goose. A 63-space game board is set up around the perimeter of a large arena, with the object being to reach space 63 by exact count. Contestants earn money with each roll of the dice, which they then use to bet on how well they can perform challenges and stunts that test the contestants' minds, bodies, and nerves. The majority of these challenges take place either on a main stage, a giant cage, a circular swimming pool in the middle of the set, at the top of the set or on one of several large areas for the more elaborate challenges.

Each contestant begins the game with £1,000. On their turn, the player "rolls" the electronic "dice", and advances the number of spaces rolled. Each space travelled is worth £100. After landing on the designated space, the contestant is shown a challenge that they have to perform. After the host explains how to accomplish the task, the contestant bets some or all of their money, depending on how confident they are that they will succeed. Successfully completing the stunt adds the player's bet to their prize fund, while a failed challenge deducted the wager. Not attempting a challenge, or refusing to go through a "punishment" sequence (such as the dreaded haircut space) where required, results in a contestant losing all of his or her money accumulated to that point.

### Spaces

Special spaces were distributed along the path, with the game generally getting more "dangerous" the further along a contestant moved. The special spaces included:

* **5: The Geese**
These spaces function similarly to ladders in snakes and ladders. The contestant is escorted to the next Geese space upon landing on one of these, before rolling again. Other Geese spaces are at 9, 18, 27, 36 and 54 (see #54 for more).
* **7: The Dice**
Allows the contestant to move straight to #20, before rolling again.
* **9: The Geese**
Contestants taken here from #5, taken to #18 from here.
* **18: The Geese**
Contestants taken here from #9, taken to #27 from here.
* **19: The Restaurant**
Contestants who land here have to take a seat at the Restaurant, with a grumpy waiter. The contestant has to at least sample the disgusting food the waiter brings out (usually egged on by the audience!) to avoid losing all their money.
* **22: Mud Wrestling**
This space is next to a mud pit; landing here results in the contestant having to perform a stunt in the mud while being hindered by a female mud wrestler. One contestant in *The Night of the Innocents* famously jumped into the mud pit in celebration upon landing on this space, saying "It's my favourite spot!". This challenge reappears at #31.
* **27: The Geese**
Contestants taken here from #18, taken to #36 from here, skipping out many of the special challenges.
* **31: Mud Wrestling Mk. II**
A more difficult version of the challenge at #22, where the contestant has to go up against two wrestlers instead of one.
* **33: Watermelons**
The contestant has to use a machete to chop watermelons rolling randomly out of a large tube.
* **36: The Geese**
Contestants are taken here from #27, and taken from here to #45.
* **40: Body Painting**
The contestant spins a wheel to determine which part of his or her body gets the show's goose head logo painted on it. The spaces on the wheel are for the arm, back, chest, stomach and bottom (the last one may be done off-camera in some countries).
* **45: The Geese**
Contestants are taken here from #45, and taken from here to #54.
* **47: Snake Den**
If the contestant lands here, he or she has to enter an acrylic glass pit filled with sand and boa constrictors. The door is locked behind the contestant, and he or she has a certain amount of time to find the key to the other side and get out. In some versions, including *The Night of the Innocents*, completing this challenge lets you skip spaces straight to #50.
* **51: Castle Wall**
The contestant is required to scale the adjacent castle wall in some manner, which changed weekly, and kiss the prince or princess waiting at the top. Unlike in the original, contestants may kiss the royal of their own gender if they wish.
* **52: The Haircut**
The contestant is seated in a barber's chair at this space in a little mock cottage at the top of the studio, and has to answer three questions (the last of which is always impossible to answer in the five seconds allotted). Getting any question wrong results in the player receiving a severe haircut by a deranged barber. They can be shaven bald or have their hair cut very short - traditionally this space is the most feared by contestants.
* **57: Cage Match**
If a contestant lands on this space at the entrance to a large cage, he or she has to enter it and battle the gladiator-type fighters inside on bungee cords. The challenge is usually to retrieve a key attached to the female gladiator's back: she was allowed to do anything to hinder the contestant. The host has to state very clearly that there are no rules as far as what the gladiator and the contestant could do. Other challenges can take place inside the cage that do not require the contestant to land there or involve the gladiators.
* **58: The Wax**
This space has a hospital bed and a woman dressed as a nurse standing next to it. Any male contestant who landed here was asked five questions, with each incorrect answer resulting in part of his leg hair being waxed off; three correct answers win the challenge.
* **59: Death**
This space is marked by a skull and crossbones; landing here results in the contestant being sent back to the start (however, they kept their money). This space was featured on the original board game. This was replaced by la catapulta in the second season; any contestant who landed on No. 55 was usually, but not always, placed on a large catapult and "launched" via bungee cord back to start.
* **61: Russian Roulette**
The player is strapped to a large version of the wheel and spun around rapidly. The pointer is above his head, and again the contestant loses the percentage of money on which it stops.

### Characters and personalities

Regular characters and/or personalities on the show include:
**The Roquettes**: An eight-member mixed-gender (unlike the original) dance team who "sing" the theme song, escort contestants to certain spaces, and participate in some of the challenges.

* **The Goosers**: Cast members who participate in the workings of some of the challenges.
* **Anita and Maria**: The mud wrestlers. Either can appear in the first challenge, both appear in the second.
* **Sir Lancelot the Altruist**: A knight forever cursed to help people even if they didn't need helping. Comes up now and again to either help or hinder the contestants. He also openly dislikes the audience, ignoring their pleas not to send contestants back a few spaces.
* **Flequi**: The barber with a gravelly personality but gives better haircuts.
* **Rizotín**: The nicer barber with much more of a happy-go-lucky personality but gives much more awful haircuts.
* **Vincent Alfonso Ridolfo**: The offstage judge who makes decisions on close calls. The acronym of his name is 'VAR'.
* **Henry, the Greasy Lover**: A disgusting, fat, smelly man who eats spaghetti like a two-year-old. A quiz game was played with him in which correct answers result in him kissing the female host, and incorrect answers result in him kissing the contestant. He is serenaded with a cover of Phil Collins' song *Easy Lover*, with the lyrics changed to roast Henry: he's oblivious to these modified lyrics.
* **Henrietta, the Ugly Maid**: An ugly lady who plays a kiss-or-death game similar to Henry's, but with the male host instead (Magnus' reaction upon someone landing on her space became an international GIF for disgust). It's implied she and Henry know each other, either as family or neighbours.
* **The Swordsman**: A knife thrower who appears on some episodes. After a brief demonstration (characterised by dramatic music and lighting), the contestant has to guess the outcome of the next throw - the twist is that they are the target of the stunt. If they do this, they win £200.
* **Lo Iettatore**: The popular sinister character on *Next One, Please!* makes an appearance on Space 61 to escort the contestant back to the start.
* **The Geese**: Live geese that were allowed to roam freely around the stage on all versions. In some episodes, animatronic geese are also mixed in with them.

### Miscellaneous challenges (could happen anywhere)

* **Kiss or Slap**: A male contestant landing here is presented with a conversation (usually full of double entendres and innuendo) by one of the Roquettes, which was left incomplete. He has to guess whether the outcome would be a kiss or a slap, indicated for the viewing audience on the back of each Roquette's jacket. In order to win, the contestant has to guess at least five out of the eight Roquettes' responses correctly. Regardless, right or wrong, the contestant receives the kiss or slap anyway. If the contestant was female, the Roquettes will usually kiss or slap the host.

## Final mission

The contestant who reached space 63 first wins the game and kept all the money he had accumulated. In the first season, he is then given until the taping of the next show to perform an additional challenge attempted outside the studio, in order to win a car. The whole thing is taped and watched at the beginning of the next episode; the participating player is then informed whether or not they won the car.