3: Armpit Music

## Summary

Our heroes find some sheet music in the suit of armor and the bodies of two children in the attic as they continue their search for the baby. Will and Lamora are possessed by their child companions, Rose and Thorn, revealing that the children are, in fact, ghosts. A doll's house replica of the Durst house leads them to the baby's nursery (though no baby) and they piss off the ghost of the nursemaid, before taking a short rest on her balcony.

Welcome to Pork Fried Dice!

## Synopsis

### Monasteries Don't Have Attics?

<insert mood music> Welcome back!

Our adventurers, perched on the second floor landing (area "3" on the map below), watch a large suit of armor tumble down the stairs with a series of cacophonous noises (CRACK! CLASH! CLATTER! BANG! SMACK! CRASH!). Will, Mydhryn, and Lamora occasionally hear a "thunk" amid the cacophony. The sound is different, but it isn't a meaty sound.

Nick judges Will for kicking the armor asking, *"Was it fun?"*, and Will explains that it was lifeless so he just had to. It was right there, and so worth it.

Mydhryn points out that there is something going on with the armor. Nick, who can't hear the "thunk" Nicksplains to Mydhryn that, well, of course there is something up, it just tried to kill them. Mydhryn tells the party that he'd like to go down the stairs to examine the armor. Nick tells him to hurry up because there might be a young baby in peril. We take a look around at this point and realize that the spiral staircase goes up to a third floor. We also notice that this was not the only suit of armor present.

Before exploring further, We are treated to Will's inner monologue - should he stay or go down the stairs? It goes a bit like this...Well, that guy with the big metal things on his hands that punched the armor is about to go down the stairs leaving me with the lady who casts things. She cast a spell, so she's pretty cool. This other guy [Nick] "stabbied rapiered" the guy, but he also snuck away and that wasn't cool.

Ultimately Will decides to stay on the second floor landing. (Dear Listener - this is also where we find out that Nick is very handsome...in case you were wondering.)

Inspecting the second floor we see two more suits of armor to the left and one to the right of the staircase. The end of the room shows us a fireplace under a very big painting of what looks to be the Durst family. The painting is too far away to make out any details, and a chandelier hangs from the ceiling.

Nick and Will watch Lamora and Mydhryn descend the stairs where the suit of armor shows no signs of movement. Mydhryn and Lamora reach for the same piece of armor at the same time. Their hands touch, and magic happens. A fireball strikes them while the rest of the party hears an old Meatloaf tune playing in the background. (Dear Listener, this didn't really happen. But wouldn't it have been funny?)

The pair reach into the helmet and find a piece of paper which seems to contain a musical score. Mydhryn confirms that he knows nothing about music and hands the paper to Lamora. Examining the score she says, *"Looks to be a simple piece of music. Maybe I should play it."*

Mydhryn replies, *"On what?"*

*"Your armpit!"* Will shouts down from the second floor landing laughing with that characteristic Will laugh.

Myrdhryn says, *"Armpit music!"* Then, speaking as if he was Lamora, *"That's how we did it at the temple!"*

     Lamora thinks back historically for a while. Despite a detailed conversation among the party (concerning the difference between religion and history with respect to knowing anything about music), and despite being as knowledgeable as she can be about the history of music...well, she knows nothing about this piece of music. (Dear Listener, you may notice here that some of our adventurers are new to questing. This section serves as a good reminder that we should help our new adventurers out instead of judging them for rules they don't know yet. See Kevin and Eric? They are good Dungeon Masters. Be like Kevin and Eric. Don't be a Dick.).

Lamora and Mydhryn head back up the stairs where our adventurers see a map. We do not. However, we now know that there are two doors to the east and one to the west. Lamora tucks the music away as Nick suggests that it may be what animated the armor. After a brief discussion on the useful / uselessness of the Bard class between Nick and Mydhryn, Nick suggests pressing upward because what they are after must be on the third floor.

*"Attic and Out!"* Will agrees. *"Attic, and back down, and out,"* Nick corrects. Well, you'd think Will could fly (maybe in a future episode or something).

     Nick leads the party up to the third floor (area "4" on the map) landing where he cautiously peeks over the stairs so as not to get smashed again. The hallway up here is much smaller and empty. There is a small family painting on the wall. To the right they see a hallway with a door, and to the left they see a door that goes "up a little bit...uh...north and west just a little bit". Nick, feeling the Up North door location is crystal clear heads to the closest door - the one on the left...the Up North door.

Will, still listening for a baby, whistles and quietly calls out, *"Helloooo - anyone here?"* trying to not surprise anyone just in case someone is showering or something.

Nick moves toward the door with Lamora and Mydhryn following close behind. Will sidles along the wall moving toward the door, but not convinced they should go that way. As Will moves along the wall, he feels the wall "give a little bit". Nick sings a quick musical phrase in the background that sounds like a 1977 Supertramp song...not that our adventurers would know that.

*"Woah!"* Will exclaims. As the rest of the party turns to look at Will he says, *"This wall is moving"* and he pushes against it again. *"Wanna come check this out?"*

As he pushes against the wall, it opens to reveal a set of stairs that go up. Will announces that he might have found an "atticish spot" and nudges the door listening for a baby. He hears nothing. The party starts to realize that the farther upward they go, the colder the air seems. The weather outside is misty and foggy with temperatures in the mid 60s, so this temperature difference is probably not natural.

Our heroes have a brief discussion trying to remember exactly what the kids said about the baby's location. They really aren't sure if the baby is in the attic, or the third floor, or just above. Nick urges his travel companions to make a decision quickly and mentions that it is weird to have a baby in a room that is hidden in a wall.

*"I'm telling you right now that this whole thing is not the greatest. I honestly think...I don't think we should even be here. But I'm guessing you guys are gonna keep foraging on, because that seems to be what you lot do."* Will despairs.

*"You know what? Good point, Will. Let's do it!"* Nick agrees as he heads to the stairs. Will tries to stop him asking if he has even heard a baby. Nick explains that he is concerned that they haven't heard a baby, but still feels that they need to be sure that there isn't a baby in trouble.

A brief discussion about house dimensions ensues. The house appeared to have three floors and maybe an attic space from outside. However, Will is concerned there may be a theoretical staircase in the attic saying, *"How many staircases are we going to climb for a baby that we can't even hear?"*.

Nick and Will continue to discuss what they might do if they do not find a baby in the attic. Will wants to leave while Nick would like to check the rest of the house. Mydhryn announces that he does not care what they do, but that they should make a decision, and with that, the party decides to "clear the attic", then "clear the third floor" before leaving. (Dear Listener, you might now be picturing our heroes wearing SWAT gear. You wouldn't be alone in this.)

Nick asks Lamora if she had an attic at the temple. When he finds out that they did not, Mydhryn seems puzzled about where they kept their Christmas decorations.

The team moves toward the attic stairs. Will, shaking his head, grabs his locket. It feels warm and he looks into it. Overcome by sadness, Will is struck speechless as he sees his mother.

### Kids Never Clean Their Rooms

Our adventurers enter a large open area at the top of the stairs (area "5" on the map) with doors off to the left. Around the corner of the attic door is a little jaunt to the left and a door. They can go straight west or straight east after the small antechamber area. The antechamber space is unfurnished and empty. The undisturbed dust indicates that the space has not been used in a long time, if it ever was.

Nick decides to head west while the rest of the party looks on. Opening the west door reveals a servant's chamber (area "6" on the map) simply furnished with a bed, dresser, and footlocker. The room also has a fireplace, and a window that looks out onto the street, but no other doors. Nick exits the room uneventfully saying, *"No baby in there! Let's check the other door!"*

The other door looks quite different compared to the west door. A bar goes across the outside of the door as if someone is trying to keep something inside from coming outside. After listening at the door and hearing nothing, Nick removes the bar and opens the door. (Dear Listener, in case you are surprised - we did not ever mean to imply that Nick was the sharpest tool in the shed. Brave? Yes. Wise? Maybe not so much.)

The party can see most of the room (area "7" on the map) from the hallway. A child's bed is placed on the left side of the room with another placed to the right. Immediately to the left of the door is a doll house, and a toy box sits to the right. There is no crib in the room.

In the center of the room are the bodies of two children. They appear to be maybe 10 and 6 years old and have been there for a long time. There is no question that they are dead.

As Will turns to leave, Mydhryn grabs his shoulder saying, *"Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. We're all staying together here."* Surprisingly Will is stronger than Mydhryn and is able to pull out of his grasp. Will heads toward the stairs intending to leave the house immediately. He is stopped as the two children from the street suddenly appear in front of him.

*"Where are you going?"* the girl asks.

*"Home,"* Will replies.

When the little girl reminds Will that they agreed to help find the children's' brother, Will explains, *"I'm not good at finding people. That is not something I'm very good at, and I think that you don't need me, so I think I'm going to be going. Excuse me."*

The kids start to advance toward Will. As Nick moves to join them he tells them that he doesn't think their brother is up there. *"He is in the house somewhere. We can hear him,"* she says. The girl also suggests that maybe their very nice nursemaid moved him.

When Lamora asks if they know anything about the room, the kids explain that it is their room., but seem confused when she asks them if they know anything about the bodies in the room. It is clear that they aren't sure what she is talking about. (Dear Listener, Got goosebumps yet? Me, too.)

Mydhryn tells Nick in a stage whisper that he really doesn't know how to fight ghosts. When Nick indicates that he doesn't know how to fight ghosts either, Mydhryn says, *"I'm thinking that we go into their room and try to talk our way out of this, or we try to run through them."*

A brief conversation ensues - are they ghosts? Who knows if they're ghosts? They aren't transparent. Mydhryn is pretty sure that they are ghosts. Ghosts, ghosts, ghosts, ghosts, ghosts...Zoiks!

When Nick gestures to the room asking if the kids can explain what is going on in there, they walk straight into the room. Everyone steps aside to let them pass, except Will. He has plastered himself to the wall to be as far away from the children as possible. The kids move to the back wall of the room near their beds.

Nick then gestures to the bodies asking, *"Um. What? What? Can you? This?"*

The girl mentions that their mommy and daddy were trying to protect them from the monsters by locking them in their room. Nick notices that the windows in the room have been bricked up. *"So, that's you on the ground?"* Nick asks.

*"We were really hungry,"* she explains.

This line of questioning continues a bit, and despite Nick's best efforts not to upset the children, the little boy starts crying. It is quite clear that Will is just waiting for an opportunity to sneak out of the house, but Mydhryn watches on.

When Lamora suggests that the children take a rest, the girl becomes agitated, afraid that our adventurers are going to leave them without helping them find their brother. Her eyes become bright white. Her brother's eyes become bright white, and with a flash, they both disappear leaving their bodies behind.

Will and Lamora have just been possessed. They are each aware of their own possession, but are unable to tell their companions what has happened.

### It's All In Your Head

Will now knows that the boy, present in his head, is named Thornboldt Durst (Thorn). Lamora knows that the girl, now in her head, is named Rosavalda (Rose). Nick turns to the others saying that he isn't sure what to do next. While it seems that the children needed help, he thinks they can all agree that the children are dead.

*"I think you were right to say 'ghost' multiple times,"* Nick tells Mydhryn. Nick feels some pity toward the children, but since they do not seem malevolent, he thinks maybe the party should leave the house.

Will laughs distractedly (because Thorn is now chanting, *"Baby brother's still here,"* over and over again in his head). In an abrupt change of attitude, Will explains that he is sure that a baby is in the house. Lamora suggests that they look around before leaving, and Mydhryn decides he is just a follower because he doesn't know what the hell to do after all of this.

Thorn begins chanting, *"I'm hungry,"* repeatedly in Will's head while Lamora looks around the children's room. The toy box is exactly that - just a box of toys. On inspection of the doll house, Lamora realizes that it is an exact replica of the Durst house. Nick asks if she sees a room that looks like it might belong to a baby, and Lamora notices a room with a crib located just below the room they are standing in.

Nick and Lamora begin to commit the many hidden passageways and rooms of the house to memory. They notice that the secret passageways aren't very complex - nothing that would require them to go through a secret passageway, go up two flights of stairs, slide behind this, peer out through a painting with holes cut out, and slide down a fire pole. They are simple secret passageways that lead to small rooms with doors that do not look like the normal doors in the house. Nick and Lamora also notice another, smaller spiral staircase leading from the attic downward (maybe to the basement). Nick sees that the path to the crib room seems clear and decides to help the kids, even though they have disappeared. He joins Will to tell him about the dollhouse.

Will says, *"I think it is a really good idea to help these children who are in desperate need for help".*

In answer to their decision to help, Thorn starts clapping in Will's head, *"Yay!"*

*"I feel so bad right now,"* Will despairs. Little does Nick know that Will is lamenting the child in his head, and not feeling super bad about this baby thing!

Will moves to the dollhouse asking Thorn if the room is actually the baby's room. Thorn tells Will it is Walter's room, and doesn't know if the nursemaid might have moved him somewhere else.

*"You are so helpful,"* Will says sarcastically.

Will leads the group to Walter's room (area "8" on the map), with Nick close behind. Mydhryn brings up the rear, watching - because this might make a great story some day! Will knocks on the door to no response and cautiously enters. Will thinks this is about as bad a day as you can have. He's not very experienced in the ways of adventuring.

The party sees a large bed against the west wall. On one side of the bed sits a chest of drawers and on the other sit sits a basinet with an old timey cover.

*"Hello! Little Baby? Any babies in here?"* Will exclaims from the doorway. When no one answers, Will approaches the basinet as everyone else enters the room.

Will has been around a lot of death and babies. He is currently cursing this day as he pushes back the curtains of the basinet. A small, baby sized bundle of blankets is lying in the basinet. Thorn confirms that this is Baby Walter. As Will tries to gently unwrap the baby, the swaddling falls apart and we realize it was just a bundle of empty cloth.

From behind we hear, *"My Baby!"* in a screeching voice...and, Will almost dies of a heart attack.

### 'Be A Nursemaid,' They Said. 'It Will Be Fun,' They Said

Our adventurers turn to see a rail thin, feminine shape (obviously a ghost of some sort) entering the doorway. She appears to be all jaws and has clearly lost any bit of humanity she once had. She rushes in, reaching out to touch Mydhryn, who quickly goes pale and begins to weaken.

Seeing this, Lamora casts Sacred Flame, sending a flame-like radiance toward the specter. Radiant flames burn the ghost "like a motherf\*\*\*er", as Nick succeeds at pulling Mydhryn away from the creature's draining grasp. Mydhryn sinks to the floor gasping for air. He is alive, but not well and unable to stand up.

Will has a brief conversation with Thorn where we learn that this is the nursemaid, and she is very nice to them. Will explains that she is not a nice lady as he sends a beam of crackling energy toward the ghostly nursemaid. His Eldritch Blast hits, really pissing her off. She tries to grab Nick, but misses.

Lamora's next spell lands slightly off target.

Nick, doubting he can stab a ghost, tries to "slashy slash" it. We learn that Nick is very dexterous. As he sticks the blade of his rapier through the ghost's head, it disintegrates into mist and we hear, *"Waaaaaahhhhh! My babies!!! Ahhhhrhgh!"* fading into nothingness.

Will and Lamora suddenly drop to the ground covering their ears as the children both scream, *"No!!!!!!"* in their heads. This is the loudest thing they have ever heard, and Nick rushes to them asking "What's wrong?!". The kids are so distraught that Lamora is able to tell the others that Rose is in her body. Nick steps back as Lamora explains that Rose screamed in her head. Nick looks over to Will.

*"He's really loud. He's really upset. We just killed his nanny or something. He's been telling me that he's hungry, and he won't shut up. And this lady. The baby. There's no baby in there. There's no baby in there. There's no baby in there. Why is she attacking us? There's no baby."*

Will is clearly upset by the events of the day thus far.

The ghost children get control of themselves. Despite all of Nick's questions, our possessed friends are no longer about to speak about their head guests. (Dear Listener, I feel like 'head guests' is a pleasant way of saying 'creepy-ass dead kids who are possessing our heroes'. You're welcome.)

*"We need to find this baby,"* Will says.

*"How about that baby?"* Lamora replies.

Will begins an internal conversation with Thorn asking where the baby is. Thorn doesn't know and becomes inconsolable when Will explains that he is dead and that his body was upstairs. It is clear to the others that Will is having a conversation in his head, but something about his wild eyes and hair pulling lead them to believe that it is not going well.

Lamora, asking Rose if there is something they should be doing, finds out that the children are lonely and tired. They are unable to rest here, but are also unable to leave the area. Rose, of course, suggests that they get the monster.

Our heroes are quite undecided on their next steps. Should they leave? Should they explore the rest of the house? Should they kill the monster in the basement? Should they do something with the bodies (bury them? burn them? pour holy water on them?)?

When Will apologizes to Thorn for saying some not very nice things, Thorn mentions that they've tried to sleep, but they aren't able to. Rose speaks up in Lamora's head explaining that the monster in the basement keeps them from sleeping. Lamora tells the party that they have something to accomplish before they leave and asks if anyone wants to explore the rest of the house first.

They agree to explore the rest of the house before going to the basement to vanquish the monster. The party agrees that they all feel "a little bleh" but decide to explore instead of resting.

### Basements Are Never Good

Our adventurers have a quick discussion and realize that there is a lot of house left to explore. They have missed half of the first and third floor, over half of the first floor, and one room in the attic. Since they are on the third floor, they agree to start their exploration here. Recalling the dollhouse they know that the third floor holds a master bedroom, a couple of servant's quarters, a storage closet, and the nursemaid's room (where they currently stand).

Will notices a balcony off of this room (area "9" on the map) and goes out to get a breath of fresh air. It is the worst fresh air he's ever had. The mist and fog surrounds the house hanging in the air heavily. The air on the balcony is fresher than the air in the house, but it is disheartening, and Will's mustache does not regain any of it's pep.

Nick curiously checks out the storage closet (area "10" on the map). It's just a run of the mill storage closet, and as Nick returns to the room, Will comes in from the balcony with an attitude of "dude, it sucks outside". Lamora stands in the place where she is thinking *"Everything is awful! Everything is bad when you're out of the temple. Everything is awful! I don't like this place"* in a sing-song voice. (Dear Listener, you may have heard Lego people sing a similar awesome song about team work.) Lamora also uses this time to have a quick conversation with Rose in her head. Rose tells her that they often heard the monster making all sorts of bad noises in the basement (growling and yelling). They also heard what sounded like people being hurt.

Will stops next to Lamora. He isn't secure in his own powers yet, and since he again saw Lamora do some cool things that seem powerful, he feels that standing next to her might be a smart thing to do. He then engages Thorn in a conversation asking about his parents. In the course of the discussion Will finds out that Thorn has not seen his parents since they locked the children in their room. Mommy and daddy were downstairs last time he saw them. His dad likes to go into the library downstairs, and his mom likes to go to their bedroom. We learn that Thorn's mother was nice to both Thorn and Rose, but did not like Walter. In fact, Thorn doesn't know if Walter is his mother's baby.

*"Is Walter a nice looking baby like you, or is he kind of a creepy looking baby?"* Will asks.

*"I've never seen him. I've just heard about him,"* Thorn replies.

('Uh oh,' we think)

We find out that Thorn has never heard Walter cry or make noises, and he knows that Walter is a baby because the nursemaid told him. When Will asks if the nursemaid always looked like that or if she looked like Thorn's mother, Thorn has no idea what Will means.

Will whistles for a group meeting out on The Fresh Air Balcony. As they all join him, he explains that the baby they are looking for may not be a real baby. Maybe it is something else. He thinks that in order for any of them to leave this place, they might have to do something about the overall badness of the place. He thinks that the baby may have something to do with the overall badness, and also...again...it might not be a baby. Mydhryn agrees with Will - they might have to battle something else in this house. Will suggests that they should go directly to the basement. As time goes on, he says he feels less like himself and he wants to do something about it.

The all agree, but no one feels good about it because basements are never good. Mydhryn takes this opportunity to make a rare speech.

*"You know, you guys. You go to the village. You get the puppet shows that they do. You know, the wandering people come through and they do the puppet shows? I don't know if you guys have seen the one that I like to watch. They do the puppet show of the Ghost Slayers. The basement's always the worst one! That's where you go for the worst crap. And that show - I've seen every season of Ghost Slayers - and every time the main puppet, he comes up, and he's walking up, and he's like "I'm not afraid of you! I'm gonna blah blah blah!", and he gets all big and tough, and then they end up with scratches all over their back. Although, I think in our case, it's gonna be like you're gonna get dead all over your back."*

Mydhryn suggests that they take a little break for a nap. The party agrees to settle onto the balcony (area "9" on the map), rotating their watch schedule, for a short rest.

*[TBC...]*

## Quotes

*"You're a smartass"* - Kevin talking to Nick or maybe Eric (Dear Listener, we are calling attention to this because well...we agree and think it is a proficiency).

*"I stabbied rapiered the guy."* - Eric reminding KT what Nick did to the suit of armor last episode.

*"Someone says a word and then you're like 'oh, this is the song that that came from'. She was singing Nickleback today and I'm like, 'Never do that again.'"* - Kevin in response to Eric's singing "give a little bit" when the wall gave a little bit.

*"There's a whatever in the basement and the baby's in the attic and that's what I've been looking for."* - Will when a hidden staircase is revealed.

*"Maybe the baby is the weathervane. You don't know."* - Kevin when Will tries to remember where the kids said the baby was (and KT rolls a 9).

*"How many staircases are we going to climb for a baby that we can't even hear?!"* - Will trying to stop Nick from rushing up the hidden staircase.

*"God...Nick...You fucking idiot."* - (whispered) Eric berating Nick for asking questions that made the little boy ghost cry.

*"Good going Will! You totally Pumpkined that one up!"* - Nick when the party realizes that he was actually right outside Baby Walter's room just before Will found the secret door to the attic room.

*"You guys are nuts. I thought I had seen it all. I've been through a worm's asshole and now this is it."* - Mydhryn watching Will and Lamora have conversations with their head guests.

## Trivia

* The episode name quotes Mydrhyn in response to Will's suggestion that Lamora play the simple sheet music using the only instrument she has - her armpit.

## Episode Sponsor

*Main article: The Adverts of Pork Fried Dice*
This episode was brought to you by: **SWORDSSSS!!** - You like sharp things, but something is lacking. Listen up, jagweed! You need a SWORD! So what if we don't live in medieval times anymore?

## Gallery

1st map showing the party's movements in this episode2nd map showing the party's movements in this episodeThey went into the house, didn't they?Why is it so dark in here? Oh, it's Barovia!