Patroclus

Philtatos (by Achilles)

***“Best of men. Best of the Myrmidons.”***

## Personality

Patroclus doesn't like to disappoint, he is described as kindhearted, modest, honest, and passionate. He is unable to stay mad at for long. He can be quite shy and enjoys being alone at times. He is introverted.

## Sexual Orientation

Though never specified it can be inferred that Patroclus is gay. Deidama was heartbroken and jealous of Achilles's love for Patroclus, **Deidameia summons Patroclus to have sex with her, which he does**; he notes that she seemed to want something more from him, which he was unable to provide. . He does consider having a child after with Briseis but he is thinking of having the child not the relationship with Briseis or the sex. He also specifies that he would marry her if he wanted to marry a woman, but that he has no interest in marrying a woman.

## Youth

> "*Quickly, I became a disappointment: small, slight. I was not fast. I was not strong. I could not sing. The best that could be said of me was that I was not sickly.*"
>
>

### **First Interaction with Achilles**

At the age of five, Patroclus's father hosts the games.

> "My eye catches on a light head among dozens of dark, tousled crowns. I lean forward to see. Hair lit like honey in the sun, and within it, glints of gold-the circlet of a prince."
>
>

Achilles wins the race. Patroclus's father crowns him with a garland.

### **Helen**

Helen, daughter of the King of Sparta, comes of age and is ready for marriage. King Menoetius wishes for nine year old Patroclus to put himself forth as a suitor. Soldiers escort them to Sparta's citadel. Patroclus is more interested in his toy horse whose legs can move and dice that a soldier lends to him.

He presents a beaten-gold mixing bowl embossed with the story of Danae as a gift to Helen. When Menoetius gives the gift to Patroclus, he says "Do not disgrace us."

There were hundreds of voices banging against the stone walls. The great hall was full of kings who wished to marry Helen. The kings sat on benches draped with cowhide, waiting for their turn to speak. They introduce themselves and present their suit to King Tyndareus of Sparta. The gifts pile in the center of the room.

When it is Patroclus' turn, his father speaks first. The King of Sparta is surprised that he is there, as he did not think that Menoetius' wife had died.

> Even I knew it was my turn to speak. "I am Patroclus, son of Menoetius." My voice sounded high, and scratchy with disuse. "I am here as a suitor for Helen. My father is a king and the son of kings." I had no more to say. My father had not instructed me; he had not thought that Tyndareus would ask me to speak. I stood and carried the bowl to the pile of gifts, placed it where it would not topple. I turned and walked back to my bench. I had not disgraced myself with trembling or tripping, and my words had not been foolish. Still, my face burned with shame. I knew how I must look to these men.
>
>

Patroclus takes the blood oath with the other suitors. After Helen chooses Menelaus and Penelope is promised to Odysseus, Patroclus' father pulls him angrily off of the bench and they leave the same night. Patroclus is disappointed because he had not even had the opportunity to see Helen's "fabled face." His father never mentions the trip again, and when Patroclus arrives home, the whole thing seems strange to him, distant. It did not see like real life.

### **First kill**

His first kill was a nobleman's son named Clysonymus. After demanding Patroclus hand over his dice (given to him by guards in Sparta), Patroclus refuses, and shoves him away when Clysonymus approaches.

> "I want them." He didn't bother to threaten me, yet. I hated him for it. I should be worth threatening.
>
>

Patroclus shoves him a second time, after being called a coward, and Clysonymus' head thuds "dully against stone." Patroclus notes the surprise in Clysonymus' eyes as he died, and ran away to seek shelter underneath a tree. There, Menoetius finds his son shaken and sick.

### **Exile**

* Clysonymus' family demanded immediate exile or death. They were powerful, and this was their eldest son that Patroclus had killed. Menoetius had spent his life scrabbling to keep his kingdom, and he would not risk it for Patroclus. He agreed to exile Patroclus. In exchange for his weight in gold, Patroclus would be fostered in Phthia by King Peleus.

> This was how I came to be ten, and an orphan. This is how I came to Phthia.
>
>

In exchange for raising him, King Menoetius must pay the sum of Patroclus's weight in gold. This comes out to five goblets with engraved stems, a heavy knobbed scepter, a beaten-gold necklace, two ornamental statues of birds, and a carved lyre, gilded at its tips. Patroclus notes that the lyre is cheating because it was made of wood, but it was so beautiful that no one could object to it. It had been part of Queen Philomela's dowry.

## Life in Phthia

### **Arrival**

When Patroclus arrives in Phthia, he is expected to present himself before the King Peleus, but Peleus was absent, so he would have to present himself before his son instead. He was unnerved, remembering what his father had said: *This is what a son should be.*

> Until this moment I had been a prince, expected and announced. Now I was negligible.
>
>

Patroclus is surprised by how much Achilles has changed in the five years since they met last. He himself had not changed so much, nor so well.

> He yawned, his eyes heavy-lidded. "What's your name?"
>
>

> His kingdom was half, a quarter, an eighth the size of my father’s, and I had killed a boy and been exiled and still he did not know me. I ground my jaw shut and would not speak.
>
>

> “He asked again, louder: “What’s your name?”
>
>

> “My silence was excusable the first time; perhaps I had not heard him. Now it was not. “Patroclus.”
>
>

"Patroclus" means "honor of the father." Achilles does not make a joke about this, although Patroclus expects him to.

> He rolled onto his side to face me. A stray lock of gold fell half into his eyes; he blew it away. “My name is Achilles.”
>
>

> I jerked my chin up, an inch, in bare acknowledgment. We regarded each other for a moment. Then he blinked and yawned again, his mouth cracked wide as a cat’s. “Welcome to Phthia.”
>
>

> I had been raised in a court and knew dismissal when I heard it.
>
>

### **Training**

> training? what’s that? who’s he?
> Oh honey.... If you think that I workout then you are most likely braindead 😀
>
>

### **"Catch"**

After a month of living in Phthia, Patroclus goes to the dining hall to find Achilles sitting at Patroclus' table. This angers Patroclus, who had come to think of it as his table and he refused to be pushed from it. He sits at the last available spot at the table. The other boys chatter around him, but Patroclus isn't paying attention to them, all of his focus is on Achilles. Achilles lingers after dinner. He gathers a few figs from a bowl and juggles them lightly enough that they do not bruise. Juggling is a trick for the poor, but Achilles makes it a living, beautiful thing. Achilles flicks his gaze from the figs to Patroclus and says "Catch." Patroclus catches the fig that Achilles throws his way, before Achilles catches the remaining figs. He eats the last fig, causing Patroclus to eat the one that he had been given. Achilles leaves after this display.

### **Therapon**

The other boys soon learn that Patroclus is there because he killed another child. They fear and are fascinated by him. Patroclus begins to lose his appetite and sits in places where he will not be disturbed. On one of these instances, Achilles finds him in a storage room, wedged between jars of thick-pressed olive oil. Achilles says that he has been looking for him and chastises him for not attending his morning drills.

Achilles had overheard his father talking of Patroclus and had come to see if he was ill, which he was not. Peleus was considering punishing Patroclus.

Achilles asks him what his excuse will be, as the punishment would be corporal, and likely public. Patroclus snaps that he is the prince and all he has to do is say that he was with him, and Peleus will excuse it. Achilles considers this, but admits that he does not like to lie. Patroclus suggests that Achilles take him with him to his lessons so that it would not be a lie. Achilles decides to bring Patroclus along to his lyre lesson.

Achilles plays Patroclus's mother's gilded lyre.

> “His fingers touched the strings, and all my thoughts were displaced. The sound was pure and sweet as water, bright as lemons. It was like no music I had ever heard before. It had warmth as a fire does, a texture and weight like polished ivory. It buoyed and soothed at once. A few hairs slipped forward to hang over his eyes as he played. They were fine as lyre strings themselves, and shone.”
>
>

When Achilles is finished, Patroclus follows him to see King Peleus.
In the audience chamber, Achilles kneels at his father's feet and apologizes for taking Patroclus from his drills. Achilles says that he had forgotten to say that he wishes for Patroclus as his companion, or therapon.

> *Therapon* was the word he used. A brother-in-arms sworn to a prince by blood oaths and love. In war, these men were his honor guard; in peace, his closest advisers. It was a place of highest esteem, another reason the boys swarmed Peleus’ son, showing off; they hoped to be chosen.
>
>

King Peleus asks Achilles why he has chosen Patroclus, after years of rejecting other companions. Achilles answers, "He is surprising." Their punishment is that they both must apologize to Amphidamas, the arms-master.

#### **Moving In**

At dinner the day Achilles chooses Patroclus as his therapon, Achilles announces that Patroclus will sleep in his room, much to the shock of the other boys. Patroclus is given a cot in the corner of the bedroom. They talk before they fall asleep, telling each other of their days of their lives.

#### **Private Drills**

One afternoon, Achilles invites Patroclus to his private lesson. Very few others had ever seen him fight, so this was a big deal. Achilles practices alone, as he never fights with others. Patroclus stands watching, entranced. When Achilles is finished, Patroclus asks him who trained him. Peleus had trained him a little.

> I stepped forward. "Fight me."
>
>

> He made a sound almost like a laugh. "No. Of course not."
>
>

Patroclus really wanted to fight Achilles. They both end up on the ground. Achilles pins him easily.

> "I have never seen anyone fight the way you do,” I told him. Confession or accusation, or both.
>
>

> “You have not seen much.”
>
>

> I bridled, despite the mildness of his tone. “You know what I mean.”
>
>

> His eyes were unreadable. Over us both, the unripe olives rattled gently.
>
>

> “Maybe. What do you mean?”
>
>

> I twisted, hard, and he let go. We sat up, our tunics dusty and stuck to our backs.
>
>

> “I mean—” I broke off. There was an edge to me now, that familiar keenness of anger and envy, struck to life like flint. But the bitter words died even as I thought them.
>
>

> “There is no one like you,” I said, at last.
>
>

> He regarded me a moment, in silence. “So?”
>
>

> Something in the way he spoke it drained the last of my anger from me. I had minded, once. But who was I now, to begrudge such a thing?
>
>

> As if he heard me, he smiled, and his face was like the sun.
>
>

### **12 Years Old**

Patroclus spends several months with Achilles as his *therapon*, and he finds happiness with him. They make up games for themselves, climb trees, skip rocks, swim, go to lyre lessons and do drills, skip rocks, and carve wood.

> I saw then how I had changed. I did not mind anymore that I lost when we raced and I lost when we swam out to the rocks and I lost when we tossed spears or skipped stones. For who can be ashamed to lose to such beauty? It was enough to watch him win, to see the soles of his feet flashing as they kicked up sand, or the rise and fall of his shoulders as he pulled through the salt. It was enough.
>
>

In the summer, over a year after Patroclus was sent to Peleus, Patroclus tells Achilles how he killed the boy. Achilles asks him why didn't just lie, which makes Patroclus realize that if he had lied, he would still be a prince. Patroclus asks Achilles what he would have done, to which he replies, "I don't know. I can't imagine it. No one has ever tried to take something from me." Never, Patroclus wonders. "Never. I don't know, I think I would be angry."

Thetis tells Achilles that she wishes to meet Patroclus. Patroclus is afraid because of her reputation for hating mortals. She tells him that Achilles will be a god, and asks him if he understands. He says yes, to which she responds, "Good." Carefully, as if to herself, she added, "You will be dead soon enough." Patroclus leaves and sits far away from the sea, analyzing what she said to him. Achilles finds him, and Patroclus asks him if he wants to be a god. Achilles says that he does not know.

### **13 Years Old**

As Patroclus and the other boys turn thirteen, they begin to become interested in, and engage in, sexual intercourse, primarily with the female slaves of the palace. Patroclus himself is not interested in bedding the servant girls. Peleus encourages Achilles to sleep with the serving girls.

> This morning he had leapt onto my bed and pressed his nose against mine. "Good morning," he'd said. I remembered the heat of him against my skin.
>
>

The thought of Achilles with a slave girl bothers Patroclus, and he asks him if he likes her.

> “Achilles turned to face me from across the room. “Why? Do you?”
>
>

> “No, no.” I flushed. “That is not what I meant.” I had not felt so uncertain with him since the earliest days. “I mean, do you want—”
>
>

> He ran at me, pushed me backwards onto my cot. Leaned over me. “I’m sick of talking about her,” he said.
>
>

> The heat rose up my neck, wrapped fingers over my face. His hair fell around me, and I could smell nothing but him. The grain of his lips seemed to rest a hairsbreadth from mine.
>
>

> Then, just like that morning, he was gone. Up across the room, and pouring a last cup of water. His face was still, and calm.
>
>

> “Good night,” he said.”
>
>

### **The Kiss**

> IT IS SUMMER, one of the first fine days. We are on the beach after lunch, our backs to a sloping piece of driftwood. The sun is high, and the air warm around us. Beside me, Achilles shifts, and his foot falls open against mine. It is cool, and chafed pink from the sand, soft from a winter indoors. He hums something, a piece of a song he had played earlier.
>
>

> I turn to look at him. His face is smooth, without the blotches and spots that have begun to afflict the other boys. His features are drawn with a firm hand; nothing awry or sloppy, nothing too large—all precise, cut with the sharpest of knives. And yet the effect itself is not sharp.
>
>

> He turns and finds me looking at him. “What?” he says.
>
>

> “Nothing.”
>
>

> I can smell him. The oils that he uses on his feet, pomegranate and sandalwood; the salt of clean sweat; the hyacinths we had walked through, their scent crushed against our ankles. Beneath it all is his own smell, the one I go to sleep with, the one I wake up to. I cannot describe it. It is sweet, but not just. It is strong but not too strong. Something like almond, but that still is not right. Sometimes, after we have wrestled, my own skin smells like it.
>
>

> My pulse jumps, for no reason I can name. He has looked at me a thousand thousand times, but there is something different in this gaze, an intensity I do not know. My mouth is dry, and I can hear the sound of my throat as I swallow.
>
>

> He watches me. It seems that he is waiting.
>
>

> I shift, an infinitesimal movement, towards him. It is like the leap from a waterfall. I do not know, until then, what I am going to do. I lean forward and our lips land clumsily on each other. They are like the fat bodies of bees, soft and round and giddy with pollen. I can taste his mouth—hot and sweet with honey from dessert. My stomach trembles, and a warm drop of pleasure spreads beneath my skin. More.
>
>

> The strength of my desire, the speed with which it flowers, shocks me; I flinch and startle back from him. I have a moment, only a moment, to see his face framed in the afternoon light, his lips slightly parted, still half-forming a kiss. His eyes are wide with surprise.
>
>

> I am horrified. What have I done? But I do not have time to apologize. He stands and steps backwards. His face has closed over, impenetrable and distant, freezing the explanations in my mouth. He turns and races, the fastest boy in the world, up the beach and away.
>
>

> My side is cold with his absence. My skin feels tight, and my face, I know, is red and raw as a burn.
>
>

> *Dear gods,* I think*, let him not hate me.*
>
>
>

#### **"He is leaving"**

After Achilles flees, Patroclus leaves. Patroclus is confronted by Thetis, who grabs him by the throat and lifts him. She hisses, "I have seen." Thetis tells Patroclus that Achilles is leaving.

Achilles is sitting on his bed when Patroclus returns. He tells Patroclus that he is supposed to leave tomorrow and that he is going to be taught by Chiron.

The next morning, Achilles rises at dawn and leaves.

Patroclus spends the day alone. He realizes that he does not have anything holding him there, and he could leave if he wished. He leaves the palace with nothing; he just keeps running to Mount Pelion, toward Achilles.

He reaches the forested base of the mountain and feels a human watching him. He is tackled from behind, and waits for the blow, but realizes that the person has positioned themselves so as not to hurt him. He is turned over and looks into the face of Achilles, who says that he had hoped that Patroclus would come. They are interrupted by Master Chiron, the centaur with whom Achilles has been sent to train with. Chiron asks Achilles if he was late because he was waiting for Patroclus, to which he responds yes. Chiron lets the boys ride on his back up the mountain to his pale rose-quartz cave.

Chiron asks Patroclus if he is interested in surgery or becoming a healer, and Patroclus says yes because it seems useful. Chiron tells him that Thetis did not want Patroclus to accompany Achilles, but that he had chosen to ignore this.

## Mount Pelion

Chiron teaches the boys a great many things. They hunt, heal sick animals, set splints, clean wounds, learn what herbs to give to fight against infection, which plants to get water from, carpentry, how to forge blades, the art of surgery, and they learn the constellations and the stories that go along with them.

> Later Achilles would play the lyre, as Chiron and I listened. My mother’s lyre. He had brought it with him.
>
>

> “I wish I had known,” I said the first day, when he had showed it to me. “I almost did not come, because I did not want to leave it.”
>
>

> He smiled. “Now I know how to make you follow me everywhere.”
>
>

In the winter, Thetis appears to Patroclus, angry that he is there. Chiron intervenes and sends him back to the cave. After that first visit, Thetis visits more often and Patroclus learns to avoid her.

Patroclus says that he does not want to learn to be a soldier, remembering the boy's death.

### **14 Years Old**

For Achilles's 14th birthday, messengers from Peleus bring Achilles gifts from the palace. The two agree that they do not miss the palace. They spend over two years on Mount Pelion.

### **15 Years Old**

In the spring of their 15th year, they notice that they both look older. Achilles touches the places on Patroclus that have changed. He says that “You would not be displeased, I think. With how you look now.”

As their sixteenth birthdays approach, Patroclus thinks about how soon he and Achilles will be expected to take wives. Patroclus doesn't seem interested in sleeping with women. All he can think about is Achilles.

### **16 Years Old**

##### **Achilles' Sixteen Birthday**

Patroclus wakes early on Achilles' sixteenth birthday to pick the first ripe figs of the season for his breakfast. He had also fashioned a seasoned piece of ash into the image of a boy playing the lyre, head raised to the sky, mouth open as if he were singing.

Peleus had sent a box with tunics and lyre strings and an expensive purple cloak - the cape of a prince.

Chiron gave a staff for hiking a new belt-knife.

##### **"She cannot see us here."**

Not long after his birthday, Achilles tells Patroclus that Thetis cannot see them on Pelion.

They lie side-by-side together in the dark, motionless for a while. Patroclus turns to Achilles to find him staring at him. Achilles leans forward and they kiss. They have sex.

> This, and this and this. We were like gods at the dawning of the world, and our joy was so bright we could see nothing else but the other.
>
>

##### **Worrying**

Patroclus worries that Chiron, Thetis, or Peleus will find them out. He is afraid that Thetis will kill him, or that Chiron will be disappointed in him. Achilles says that it doesn't matter because he would not stop.

##### **Summons**

King Peleus sends a messenger to bring Achilles home. Achilles and Patroclus pack their things and Chiron, believing that they will only be gone for a few days.

After the first night, Thetis kidnaps Achilles and brings him to Skyros, Patroclus learns about this from King Peleus after begging him for Achilles's location. Patroclus gets gold and takes a boat to Skyros. Patroclus meets Princess Deidameia, he asks her vaguely about Achilles not specifying his name, after more vague information in return she asks Patroclus to stay for dinner, however, he told her she is the son of Chyron so she does not know his true identity.

Patroclus was disappointed to have had to meet with Princess Deidameia instead of King Lycomedes because he had heard he was a good man. At dinner, Patroclus acknowledges that they both had sat separate from the rest of the men. He then watches the performance of Deidameia's women, which seems Sapphic based on Patroclus' description.

The woman she was dancing with turns out to be Achilles who flings himself at Patroclus causing an outburst from the others. They keep referring to her as Pyra as Deidameia wails in the background. Pyra or Achilles then refers to Patroclus as his husband. Which Patroclus confirms for King Lycomedes. Achilles then explains that since his husband is there that his husband is there he must leave. Lycomedes then mentions that it was Pyra's mother who gave Achilles to Lycomedes and therefore they should consult her mother.

Deidameia reveals that Pyra is a man, and actually Achilles, and claims that Achilles is her wife. In her anger, she says she will reveal his secret to everyone and that they are fools. Thetis then appears telling Deidameia that she will not reveal Achilles' identity. The room goes silent and Patroclus describes Thetis as looking angry and demonic. Achilles then rips off his veil and dress to show that he is in fact both Achilles and a man.

"No more mother," he says in response to his mother's anger and then explains to Lycomedes that they deceived him and he is sorry, saying that Thetis did not wish Achilles to go to war and hid him as one of Lycomedes foster daughters.

Deidameia dissents again saying that Thetis said wedding vows over them and that they are married to Achilles cannot leave.

Thetis confirms this is true and says that now Lycomedes must continue to hide Achilles so that later Deidameia can claim Achilles as her husband. Deidameia is angry and wants to claim Achilles immediately, Deidameia reveals that they have slept together and Patroclus though very unreactive seems to be a little started by this revelation. This only gets worse as Deidameia reveals that she is pregnant, Achilles looks horrified, Patroclus leaves, Achilles run after him though is slowed down by the dress wrapped around his legs. Patroclus is angry but Achilles manages to explain that his mother forced him to sleep with her saying that Thetis has said she would reveal Achilles's location to Patroclus if Achilles slept with Deidameia.

Patroclus then reflects confused about why Deidameia showed him the women dancing as if he couldn't recognize Achilles. Thinking about how he could recognize him no matter what.

Achilles begs for forgiveness but Patroclus can only imagine them sleeping together, he then reveals that Thetis never revealed the truth to Patroclus and that he learned of Achilles' location through Peleus, not Thetis. Patroclus thinks Achilles is naive and too trustful, but he doesn't voice this because he sees how ashamed Achilles is. Patroclus realized though that Achilles never looked at anyone else including Deidameia the way Achilles looks at him, so Patroclus says he has nothing to apologize and they return to King Lycomedes, who reveals that Thetis has left and that Deidameia is crying in her room hoping that Achilles will come. Achilles, despite feeling guilty, reveals he will not go.

Lycomedes reveals he does not mind Patroclus staying with them but that Achilles son with Deidameia must carry Achilles name. Achilles agrees.

Patroclus stays up all night with Achilles, and in the morning he remembers why Thetis brought him to Skyros in the first place, to hide him from the war. Patroclus is confused thinking that Thetis would want Achilles to fight in the war so he questions Achilles. Achilles said he doesn't know but wouldn't have done this himself. Patroclus says he thought Achilles was taken because of him, but Achilles says that only Deidameia was because of him and that his being brought to Skyros was a result of the war.

Patroclus and Achilles spend the next few days together both Achilles in his women's disguise when necessary and not when they are far enough away or hidden from others on Skyros. Achilles talks about how constraining it is to pretend to be a woman, and he reluctantly pretends to be a woman when he has to go back into town and to the castle. It is vaguely mentioned that fisherman and sailors are possibly catcalling Achilles as a woman.

Achilles and Patroclus continue to pretend to be married as Deidameia continues to try to continue their relationship with Achilles unsuccessfully as Achilles doesn't even pay attention to her. Patroclus believes that Deidameia believes he hates her, but Patroclus says that he wishes Achilles was kinder to her. Patroclus thinks that it isn't kindness Achilles lacks but rather interest and that his gaze seems to pass over her with complete disinterest.

One morning, the guards come and retrieve Patroclus saying that the princess requested it. Patroclus tries to fight but they say it will be better if he comes quietly so he agrees. They bring him to the woman section of the castle, an area he had never been to.

He is brought to Deidameia while Achilles is gone, and Deidameia studies Patroclus and says he is not even handsome. She tells him she thinks it funny and then mocks his appearance. She describes his body and says his face is hideous. Deidameia slaps Patroclus after he makes a snarky remark. She then calls him a coward and a moron. She says she doesn't understand and says it makes no sense, she is referencing Achilles and Patroclus's relationship. She turns around and tries to hide that she is crying, she tells Patroclus that she hates him and that she is leaving to be confided to hide her pregnancy because it would be humiliating for people to see her pregnant and not know she is married. Patroclus feels pity for her and says he is sorry. He is about to comfort her but realizes she would not appreciate it. Deidameia then turns around and asks why Achilles ignores her despite her bearing his child. He says he doesn't know and Deidameia gets angrier and says it's because of him. Patroclus tries to leave but Deidameia says she will claim he assaulted her if he tried. Patroclus feels pity again and it only makes Deidameia angrier. She reveals that Achilles slept with her twice, but Achilles had already told Patroclus so he only apologizes again and he offers to get her father or a lady, but Deidameia asks him to stay and he comforts her imagining that Achilles held her the same way. But he continues to comfort her and Deidameia tries to sleep with him and she insists she wants to. Patroclus insists she doesn't want to and begins to panic.

Patroclus remembers how Achilles describes him and Patroclus sleeping together and how Achilles says he was thinking of him.

Deidameia strips and asks Patroclus if she thinks he is beautiful. Patroclus is curious as he has never seen a naked woman before and he almost leaves after seeing how broken her eyes are, but he doesn't want to hurt her more so he sleeps with her. He pretends to enjoy it so she doesn't feel upset and this excites Deidameia. Patroclus tries to hold her afterward but then she leaves to get dressed and Patroclus realized he doesn't know what Deidameia had wanted but that he hadn't given it to her. As Patroclus leaves Deidameia asks him to tell Achilles she says goodbye.

Patroclus tries to convince himself it didn't happen. The next day Deidameia leaves and Lycomedes claims that Deidameia is visiting an aunt.

Patroclus and Achilles begin to get uncomfortable in Lycomedes kingdom now that Deidameia, they feel out of place and Patroclus thinks about the war.

Quotes

* This was the cruelty of adults. *Do you understand?*
* This and this and this!
* I saw then how I had changed. I did not mind anymore that I lost when we raced and I lost when we swam out to the rocks and I lost when we tossed spears or skipped stones. For who can be ashamed to lose to such beauty? It was enough to watch him win, to see the soles of his feet flashing as they kicked up sand, or the rise and fall of his shoulders as he pulled through the salt. It was enough.
* A surety rose in me, lodged in my throat. *I will never leave him. It will be this, always, for as long as he will let me.* If I had had words to speak such a thing, I would have. But there were none that seemed big enough for it, to hold that swelling truth.
* Patroclus,” he said. He was always better with words than I.
* I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell, I would know him blind, by the way, his breath came, and his feet struck the earth, I would know him in death, at the end of the world.
* All I saw was his beauty, his singing limbs, the quick flickering of his feet
* *I am made of memories*