Simone

Simone (pronounced like Simon, he’s not fucking French, how dare you) is an...employee…? at AJHQ and member of the Twisted. Yeah, no, we don’t know what’s up with this guy or know what the fuck his purpose is. He just kinda hangs out and wastes the printer ink.

If you think this vile little freaklet is ever appearing on the blog, you’d be right! Stay tuned.

## Appearance

Simone is a Jack Russell terrier furry with slight modifications from jam exposure...and also being turned into a vampire, which is a whole ‘nother can of worms. With two accordion-jointed arms (one of which is capable of splitting itself in half and creating three arms, but that is not its resting state) and sharpened canines, Simone is a clusterfuck of all kinds of different Locus-born diseases. This presence of way too many joints in his arms also presents itself in his tail, which is rigid and curls into a virtually un-straightenable lump at the end. You cannot fix his arms, and no amount of ironing or stretching will make them any less crunchy. Sorry!

He has a satin white poet shirt, a deep red cravat, and high-waisted black pants. He’s never seen without his (insanely fucking tacky) dark red heeled boots, that, despite him being already insanely tall, make him 10x taller. Sometimes he has an overcoat! It’s black and it’s hideous. Not worth it. Though he needs glasses to see with his cringe little vampire eyes (which ARE naturally red, thank you very much), he never wears them, instead keeping them atop his forehead.

## ...Reddit...?

Something is incredibly unique about how Simone’s body processes things. With little written and understood about Simone, most of his being is an enigma to those who aren’t familiar with the usual deal that is members of the Twisted.

Simone’s lungs have an incredibly tough barrier surrounding them, making them even more protected than his ribcage does, that’s used to absorb energy and store it for long periods of time. Tiny spores that are created in the lungs stick to this casing and use the lungs as a makeshift heart, pumping their toxins throughout the body and eventually interweaving with the veins to mix blood and poison. All of Simone’s blood is a brutal shade of violet because of this process.

While breathing has no effect on the outside world, any exposure to Simone’s blood can spread his disease immediately and, if interacted with in large quantities, destroy matter. It’s a very powerful acid, and can melt through skin as well as clean dirt from wounds in small amounts. Do not ingest his blood, however. You don’t want to know what happens if you do!

If you get bit by him or drink his blood, you might start growing fur. Don’t worry, though; this isn’t normal, and you’ve fucked up severely, Jammer!

## Personality

Simone has a certain egotistical flair to him, loving the dramatic and being painfully full of himself. That being said, he cares not for what others think of him, and believes...ahem...that "the haters are what gives [him] sexier vibes." He believes in himself more than anyone else has ever believed in him, and if you doubt his skill, you are in for something else entirely.

He’s more than just a little bit bitchy, and his loud and outspoken nature makes for an incredibly grating experience attempting to deal with him. He’s brash, but he’s good-natured, and chances are you’ll warm up to him eventually...if he can warm up to you first, of course. He most likely will, though, because he loves everyone! Maybe a bit too much. If he flirts with you, don’t worry about it. He just calls people “shawty” when he’s nervous.

Oh, and he loves women. #FeministAlly!

## Lore

### On Earth

Cursed to be sold off and away to cruel and unforgiving owners, all that Simone yearned for was a world where he could be with his brothers from before, with a family. His owner loved him, sure, and spoiled him to death, sure, but he hated her for letting him live in such a spacious house all on his own. He seethed as he got puppy pedicures done, he turned up his nose as she fed him wet food worth hundreds of dollars (and then, when she turned her gaze, ate it all without a complaint).

He wanted to be like those hotshot YouTube dogs from the comedy videos! Going down hills on skateboards, jumping over pools of water, leaping off of rooftops! His life was sheltered, boring, cold, alone! What would it take to be something more?

Rushing off and away with a stolen camera from Walgreens and hope in his eyes, he stumbled upon an abandoned building that’d be absolutely perfect for a funny animal video. Now was his time to shine...in Locus, of course.

Through his struggle to figure out how the fuck to use a camera without thumbs, he stumbled into the Hive, and the jam and juice in his body combined together to create his current, beautiful form.

### In Locus

Working as??? An employee of some caliber??? Simone does his best to be a productive member of society and make up for his sad, lowly animal past. He has no interest in the comedy videos anymore, though. Who do you think he is? He’s a civilized, rational man! Doing such stunts would ruin his incredibly sexy body!

Nevertheless, he’s doing fine. Even if no one—including himself—knows what the fuck he’s supposed to be doing at *all.*

## Relationships

### Susan

HIS BEST FRIEND, his greatest ally! The only one in this world who understands his DEEPEST PLIGHTS...HIS NEVERENDING STRUGGLE...for some reason, she doesn’t like sitting next to him on their lunch breaks. She’s always hesitant when he offers her coffees. Whatever! It’s fine! THEY ARE BESTIES 4EVERESTIES!...buuuut... Simone should keep a mental note to never ever say “you go, girl” to her again. Y’know, after what happened last time. *So, so many bruises...*

### Jacke

...I’m sorry? Who even is that? Haha, you may be mixing him up with somebody else, Jammer.