Mr. James Williams

Biology

**Mr. James Williams** was the deputy head, weekday housemaster, and biology teacher at Charles Darwin Grammar School.

## Personality

Being Headmaster Simon Warr’s right hand, he is the strictest teacher at Charles Darwin Grammar. He is also the biggest nit picker throughout the whole show, and the slightest step out of line is enough to set him off, and he seems to have a sixth sense when it comes to rule violations of any kind. Even when calm, he is still extremely stern, particularly towards Peters who was malingering in CCF.

He said in an article about the show that real grammar schools were shut down when he was around 10, and he based his behavior on the teachers he had as a kid. In reality, he admits he's nowhere near as bad as he was in the show.

## Quotes

### Episode 1

**Mr. Williams:** Name, boy?
**Brennan Gunston:** Uh, Gunston.
**Mr. Williams:** I'm sorry?
**Brennan Gunston:** You are?
**Mr. Williams:** I see we have a problem with speech. I shall instruct you and you shall follow; I ask what your name is, you tell me your surname, followed by "sir", and that is all. Name, boy?
**Brennan Gunston:** Gunston, *sir*. That is all.

**Mr. Williams:** No closer than the edge of that chair. Do you understand?
**Brennan Gunston:** Yeah.
**Mr. Williams:** I'm sorry?
**Brennan Gunston:** Yes, sir.
**Mr. Williams:** Well done!
**Brennan Gunston:** Thank you!
**Mr. Williams:** You, my man, I better watch for yourself.

**Mr. Williams:** Frankly, the results are a complete and utter disgrace. I almost gave up the will to live, as I mark these papers. (the girls' class laughs) I'm glad you find it funny, because quite frankly, 2 out of 20 is not a laughing matter.
**Emily Williams:** Sorry, sir.
**Mr. Williams:** Get your head out of your hands. I sincerely doubt there's a brain big enough in there to weigh it down to that extent that it needs propping up. The result of your test, would you like to please read it to the group?
**Jessica Boulton:** *[looks at her test result]* 0 out of 20.
**Mr. Williams:** You're an idiot! A numbskull! A fool! And that will have to change!

**Mr. Williams:** Could you explain to me what that is at the bottom of the paper? A "food pipe"? Give me an alternative name for "food pipe".
**Victoria Buxton:** Trachea?
**Mr. Williams:** INCORRECT! I believe you mean, you start shovelling food down your trachea you also know it, young lady. You'll be choking to death. *Esophagus* is the term that we use. "Food pipe" is what a child, a baby, is told.

*(after finding Luke Mills' mobile phone)* Mills, despite your protestations, you *are* in serious breach of these school rules. It seems to me that places in this school may be jeopardised by your behaviour, tonight.

### Episode 2

**Mr. Williams:** Why are you playing, boy?! What's that under that chair?! It's a book. This room does not look done to me.
**Nathan Anidugbe:** See how they’re going on like it’s just me playing the game on my own.
**Ms. Gibson:** Is there something you want to say?
**Nathan Anidugbe:** Not really. No.
**Mr. Williams:** How *DARE* you speak to a member of staff like that; "Not really, no"! Get outside, boy. I really am at a loss as to what to do with you. You spoil it for everybody; a few selfish people who are not prepared to pitch in and help! You spoil it, for everybody! Get outside, line up. Silently! Caps on!

* **Mr. Williams:** Into your beds, please.
* *(the boys get into their beds)*
* **Mr. Williams:** In case you have forgotten; my office, my quarters where I sleep are directly next to yours. I HEAR everything that goes on in this dorm. There will be no reading tonight. When lights go out I want absolute silence *(he turns out the lights and shuts the door)*
* *(later, the boys* *start singing indistinctly, during which, Mr. Williams turns on the lights)*
* **Narrator:** Singing after lights out is strictly forbidden.
* *(cut to the exterior of the terrace)*
* **Mr. Williams:** Line up!
* **Narrator:** Mr. Williams thinks 20 minutes of fresh air might teach them a lesson. *[long pause]* Wannabe Head Boy James Ingram decides to assert his individuality.
* **Mr. Williams:** Ingram, are you ready to go to bed with no talking?
* **James Ingram:** I'm sure everyone else would like to stand here but I'd rather go for a jog, sir; now, not in the morning.
* **Narrator:** He's broken a habit of a lifetime and backchatted a teacher.
* **Mr. Williams:** You have earned your first detention from me, for that insolent remark! I don't know if you thought you were trying to be funny!
* **James Ingram:** No, sir.
* **Mr. Williams:** I think you can tell I am not amused!

### Episode 3

* **Mr. Williams:** You didn't want to do this CCF, did you, Peters?
* **Scott Petters:** I didn't, sir.
* **Mr. Williams:** Well, *you will* do this CCF, Peters. It is a part of the school curriculum. Now we'll have you back outside and we'll have you doing CCF. And if you do not put your heart into it, we will arrange some extra CCF for you on your own. Is that understood, Peters?
* **Scott Peters:** Yes, sir.
* **Mr. Williams:** Excellent.
* *(later, outside)*
* **Mr. Williams:** Peters has something to say.
* **Scott Peters:** Sorry, sergeant.
* **Sgt. Allen:** Peters!!!
* **Mr. Williams:** No! That is not acceptable! Come here! Come here! Peters...
* **Narrator:** Insolent, lazy, and disruptive, boys like Peters are every teacher's worst nightmare.
* **Mr. Williams:** Peters, stop where you are. What did I just say to you in that office?
* **Scott Peters:** To apologise to the sergeant?
* **Mr. Williams:** No, THAT was not an apology! What-
* **Scott Peters:** (interrupts) It *was* an apology.
* **Mr. Williams:** Peters, I know an apology when I see it, and what I saw was *insolence*, not an apology. The words that came out of your mouth may have been an apology, but the sentiment behind it was *nowhere near* an apology!
* **Scott Peters:** I got nothing to be sorry for, but you told me to say sorry so I did it.
* **Mr. Williams:** Get back into that line.
* **Scott Peters:** I don't wanna do CCF.
* **Mr. Williams:** You *will* do CCF. It is a part of the school curriculum. You *will* do it.

*(while Peters is being punished for refusing to do CCF)* He's not a stupid boy. He *can* produce work, he *is* capable of understanding, and he *is* capable of doing well. Whether or not, culturally, that fits him, in terms of his peers, is another matter. Taking the stance on the CCF was perhaps one attempt at doing that, and it failed.

### Episode 4

* **Mr. Williams:** *(on megaphone, whilst observing the students' behaviour during break time)* This side of Gilroy, Jessica, where I can see you.

* **Mr. Williams:** *(catching Peters and Victoria)* Peters, Victoria....
* **Victoria Buxton:** Yes, sir?
* **Mr. Williams:** Would you like to tell Victoria about my eyesight, and how good it is?
* **Some of the students:** 20/20! / 20/20 vision, I think, sir.
* **Mr. Williams:** So what do you think I observed from over there whilst I was sitting on the chair? *(some students briefly chatter)* I think there was a contravention of the '6-inch rule'. So.. *(some students continue to chat)* Ah! ah! Excuse me...
* **Victoria Buxton:** It was an accident
* **Scott Peters:** We didn't break the '6-inch rule'!
* **Mr. Williams:** Da-da-da! Oh, please, please, please! Don't treat me like an idiot or a fool. Don't treat me like a fool. Right, you two back up to the terrace, please. *(the students groan in disappointment)*

* **Mr. Williams:** Right. Just stay here for the moment. The contravention of the '6-inch rule'; no more free time together today.
* **Victoria Buxton:** Okay.
* **Mr. Williams:** What's the word that we don't like?
* **Victoria Buxton:** All right. I'm getting bored of him, anyway.
* **Mr. Williams:** Oh, good. Well, in that case, we'll have no free time tomorrow as well.
* **Victoria Buxton:** Oh no, I was only joking, sir. I was only joking.
* **Mr. Williams:** Well, don't joke.
* **Victoria Buxton:** Oh, please...!
* **Mr. Williams:** If you're going to joke like that, it means you're not taking it seriously. If it means you're not taking it seriously, I will impose a further punishment.

* **Ms. Gibson:** Mr. Williams, we need to deal with Peters. I just caught him, I caught him kissing Victoria.
* **Mr. Williams:** Oh, really! Right. Peters, out here. Victoria, out here. No more free time together for the rest of this week.

* **Mr. Williams:** The words come out, but there's absolutely no meaning behind them.
* **Scott Peters:** I've got nothing to be sorry for, Sir.
* **Mr. Williams:** So, you agree that there's absolutely no meaning whatsoever?
* **Scott Peters:** *[pulls a sullen expression in agreement]* No, sir.
* **Mr. Williams:** I don't think you've ever regretted a *single thing* that you've done wrong here, have you?
* **Scott Peters:** I haven't done that much wrong, Sir.

### Episode 5

* *(after Scott Peters gets caught malingering in CCF once again)*
* **Mr. Williams:** I've been watching you. You were told to take a full and active part in every area of the curriculum and that includes CCF. You are *NOT* taking a full and active part, and don't try and give me the excuse about your knee! There is nothing wrong with your knee! Don't even go there! I am not convinced that you are going to last the rest of this week! You had your final warning. *(later, during the punishment)* One book, each arm, hold out, horizontal. Do not drop below the horizonal.
* **Narrator:** Modern school teachers are discouraged from shouting at pupils, but in the 1950s, it was commonplace.
* **Mr. Williams:** Hold them up, they're beginning to drop. *(Peters holds the books upwards)* Oh, not up. *(Peters holds the books back down) That* way, that's better. You have not wanted to do this from the very beginning, and you have tried to make sure you don't participate. *(Peters later drops the books)* Up!
* **Scott Peters:** *(starts malingering again)* I can't.
* **Mr. Williams:** Hold them up! *(brief pause)* Hold them out!
* **Scott Peters:** I can't, sir.
* **Mr. Williams:** So you can't do CCF, you can't take a full and active part, you can't even take a punishment.
* **Scott Peters:** I'll try my best sir, but if my knee hurts, I can't come on.
* **Mr. Williams:** There is nothing wrong with your knee.
* **Scott Peters:** There *is* something wrong with my knee.
* **Mr. Williams:** That's all made up, boy! I was watching you!
* **Scott Peters:** Why are you lying?
* **Mr. Williams:** *(shouts)* THIS IS GROSS INSOLENCE! HOW ***DARE*** YOU! HOW MUCH MORE HAVE WE GOT TO TAKE OF YOU?! I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE! *(holds his hand at the top of his forehead)* Get over to that wall! I think your next trip is gonna be to the Headmaster!