Harold's Last Flight (Thomas The Tank Engine Lost Episode)

Come fly with me, oh yes come fly away with me actually don't do that because I'm pretty sure that in a few days time my pilot's license is going to be snatched right from under my pilot goggles. My name is Marco Marco, yes I have the same name twice because my parents in Bazooka City were dumb dumb and they thought that having the same name twice would earn me a lot of respect on the neighbourhood and earn me a gang of loyal street sweepers like Joe. Sadly, my horrid name did little to nothing to boost my reputation as I had one friend in the old neighbourhood of Bazooka and he criticised me after I tried to give me some of my fish and chips he rudely remarked, "I don't want them after you've had your bloody mouth on them!" Some years ago; never mind how many exactly, I decided to bite the bullet after graduating from flying school and I caught the plane to Oakton City where I landed myself a job as a pilot at the resident airport then named Oakton City International but was renamed to Hamilton Flights circa 2019 by Nate Hamilton CEO of Renegade Media Group. Mr Hamilton hopes to make the airport a Renegades hotspot and will forbade anyone from entering the airport if they even dare to laugh at the way he freaks out at being given a box of chocolates bad chocolates too as he happens to be deathly afraid of chocolate. That's gotta suck! My parents were real sticks in the mud, and they really didn't want me to be a pilot they wanted me to be a priest, but I said, "hmm no." My parents were well weird anyway my father looked like an expy of Ned Flanders from The Simpsons, and he and my mother used to dance in the street along with the other residents of Bazooka City singing how great it is that the chemicals and smog are flowing through the streets. Also, their neighbour Chris Rock owns a monster truck which is causing serious trouble to my parents' beloved petunias. Sorry about that, but in any case I'm quite good at flying not to brag, but despite my skills I was currently being used as a scapegoat by Howard Twinkie the head of the PR Committee at Hamilton Flights. He was also the company's chief financial advisor, and quite the miserable son of a gun. He is so moody he makes Ron Moody cry. He has this constant blank expression on his face, and also he is incredibly greedy I must say as instead giving money to his staff he instead gives himself a massive bonus which he is using in his dreams to make a city made entirely out of twinkies. It was believed by many a employee at the airport including the janitor with one clawed hand that Howard was the brother of the Twinkie Kid, and maybe one day a movie will be made about the two called Double T Twinkie.

Hamilton Flights was receiving massive complaints in recent months and even years ever since Nate Hamilton bought the place to be precise. The planes are criticised for being incredibly filthy, and the airport was even worse as there was only one bin in the entire place and in order to use said bin you needed a special key which you then used to unlock a computer screen. The computer screen would then lead you to a code that you needed to answer in the style of a 1960's style jazz song in order to get inside the bin, and by that point everyone had already thrown their trash on the floor much to the irk of my only real friend at the airport Andre Heck who takes SO long to clean the restroom that it's kind of a wonder he doesn't live there. Eventually, the press came down hold on ole Nate and Howard, and the pair needed a scapegoat decided to pin the blame on me by saying that I was embezzling the company's money into an offshore account somewhere in the Crystal Islands, and the pair explained this on the most judgemental talk show that you ever did see which features a host who yells at their guests to sit the fuck down when they stand up to protest about how much they love a good twinkie. Hmm. Personally, I hate twinkies. The cream tastes like foot fungus. Thanks to my partner in the trade unionist committee, I was able to get word spread around the city that I was being played by the wily Hamilton. Needing to silence me, after I came back from an extremely long flight from Tibet, I was pulled into the backroom by Hamilton who glared down at me as he said, "what are we going to do with you my boy?" Nate was about ready to have one of his gorilla security guards bludgeon me to death with a wrench, but I was able to buy myself back into his good graces by offering to handle an extremely rowdy flight to Gran Canaria. Flights to that particular area were the worst ones as for some reason people constantly act up and the airline staff do nothing but instead stare incredibly shocked expressions at the passengers even the one choking to death on a hotdog sausage dipped in wax. Nate was highly impressed that I would offer to handle such a meaty task and he rubbed his goatee up and down as he said, "sure, but be warned if this goes south you'll be in a lot of trouble." I was briefly intimidated by Nate's subtle threat, but immediately began laughing at him when he accidentally walked into a series of crates which caused smashed fruit to squash all over him. Nate heard me laughing as he went on an extended rant about how David Spade was box office poison which was a big reason why Masters Of Disguise was such a bomb. Hey, I love that movie bro.

The big day came, and I was sitting in the captain's quarters sipping on a cup of coffee and feeling a little annoyed over the fact that Heck couldn't be on the flight with me, because long story short he went to his local supermarket where he tried to buy the honey ham but they ran out, and he left the shop only to get hit by a car driven by a cactus in heat. You figure out how that works. I didn't care about Heck much as quite frankly the way he used a toothpick was just plain nasty, but I shan't go into details as I do not wish to put you off your tea. As expected, the kids were getting restless, and were throwing their Mickey Mouse themed Pez dispensers all around the room, an incredibly impassive man in a suit was just chilling eating M&M's, and three Wall Street stockbrokers were harassing a local clown. I wonder what the story was behind that. I was stressed out because my co-pilot was not there yet, but I could fly the plane by myself as I was pretty cool like that am I right? Well you don't even know me so don't be harsh bro. Anyways, just as the door as the plane were closing finally out of the blue the co-pilot Stockard appeared and he looked proper miserable especially when I tried hitting on Lady Molly whom he had been hired to serve as an escort during her voyage to the Canaria Islands. I tried putting my own moves on Lady Molly but she was able to see through my mighty chin that I was quite the vain pain all things considered, and she responded by giving me a swift slap to the face while Stockard just smiled sinisterly at me and he made a very odd noise. Hmm, I think he was enjoying the scene a bit too much. I ordered Stockard to head into the flight deck, but before heading behind the curtain he turned me to and said in his usual uninterested tone of voice, "you had better sort out those passengers before we set sail Marco." "It shall be done, but do me a favour and tell me about how change in the type of ice we are served in our glasses of scotch." I said. Yes, I'm very prejudice towards the types of ice served in glasses of scotch. They have to be just right or else.

I needed something to calm the passengers down and fast, but thankfully Stockard was not the only member of staff currently on the plane as there was also a crow named Jeremy Tiven who was actually a mailbird as he worked in the mailroom. You know they're always hiring in the mail room. Get the hint? Anyways, Jeremy sensing my discomfort proceeded to reach into his messenger bag, and he pulled out a small sticky DVD case and it was sticky because well I don't wanna know why but anyways after being handed the DVD I asked Jeremy, "why are giving this to me?" "You looked like you were in a jam, and I hate jam. Especially Jeremy Jam." Jeremy said. I picked Jeremy up to give him a hug, but that was a big mistake not just because crows are riddled with diseases probably but also because he ended up shitting all over the floor. There was no strength in him anymore. I dropped Jeremy down onto the ground where he became tangled in a mess of red laces and the beads of a broken necklace belonging to Lady Molly who didn't look mad to my surprise instead she just looked high on toast. I ordered one of the stewardesses to clean up the mess, and I decided to check the DVD out and it looked proper weird. There was a poorly drawn picture of Thomas The Tank Engine on it, it had been written in pencil a number two pencil to be precise. I was delighted when I opened up the case and saw the DVD contained a picture of Harold The Helicopter. Harold had always been my favourite character in the Thomas The Tank Engine Cinematic Universe, and I used to have this recurring dream when I was a young whisk star whip where I would be leaving school for summer holidays, and upon leaving the classroom I would realise that Harold was my teacher all along and he took me for a ride along the fields which had cows that were artists of the French variety. I slammed the DVD into the TV which had an inbuilt DVD player, and using a megaphone I ordered everyone to stay in their seats and to listen to the sweet sounds of Thomas and friends. Hmm, I don't like the way I said that sounded a bit smelly. WALT. Sorry, anyways, I headed into the captain's quarters where I basically told Stockard to man the cannons while I had myself a show and watched the first episode of Thomas in like two decades. Upon being told that he would have to handle the flight himself for the first part of the flying experience, Stockard proceeded to pull an incredibly shocked face like you do when you finally let one rip during the most important interview of your life and the interview that could have earned you a spot on the top of the peak.

Anyways, I headed back into the coach area where I decided to sit down next to an incredibly overweight man in a grey suit named Reginald Vomit and he was proper miserable, and if anything he looked closer to being a brother of Howard Twinkie than the Twinkie Kid could ever hope to be. He was proper miserable, and I took a picture of him with my handy dandy 1970's style camera, but he just looked impassive and I groaned heavily as I sat next to him and sipped on a glass of ass water which the man was also drinking. The TV meanwhile booted up to show a brief commercial which made me crave a packet of cheese and onion crisps. In the advert, Lionel Richie was going around town annoying everyone by singing about extra crunchy crisps. The people just seemed mildly annoyed with one couple on a bus just ignoring Lionel as he sang to them. Eventually, ole Lionel reached an ASDA where he walked up to the man eating crisps and picked one right out from the bag as he sang, "share them together new extra crunchy." He then got extra close to the screen holding the crisp in his hand as he sang, "ooh share." The DVD then froze on Lionel's face and he kept singing, "ooh share," but it FINALLY cut to a scene we were NEVER supposed to see of Lionel eating a kebab outside the ASDA while on the phone to the secretary general. What the fuck would Lionel Richie want with the secretary general? One horrid clip later, and the episode of Thomas began to play and it was the normal theme song well it was normal for like a minute until literally two seconds had past, the intro was incredibly slow and Thomas was red instead of blue which made me vomit onto the man's head next to me and he got up from his chair and yelled at me as he then began dabbing his head with a newspaper. I don't think that would clean the vomit from your scalp Sir, but I just ignored him as the rest of the intro showed Thomas riding under the tunnel, but the little boy sitting on top of the tunnel didn't wave at Thomas instead they gave Thomas the middle finger, and the music playing in the background sounded rather crisp and dare I say extra crunchy. When Thomas arrived at the train station, I swear for a brief moment I saw Lionel Richie's face pop out from behind the trash can and he looked proper pleased to see Thomas. The train station was covered in graffiti, and according to signs was soon to become a fried chicken restaurant. The very first one in Sodor to be precise. Then out of completely nowhere Harold The Helicopter appeared and he crashed right into the train station, but Thomas just kept staring at the screen suggesting he was probably dead and that Sir Topham Hat had sent his rotting corpse rolling down the tracks and that's really sick. Fully Topham or should I say fully lowham!

The episode then began in a weird way. Sir Topham Hat AKA The Fat Controller was shown sitting in his office drinking a cup of coffee. He was very angry in this scene, and I know that ole Toppy has been known to blow his top pun intended every now and then especially when tank engines go to breakfast at stationmaster's houses, but he was proper angry in this scene. There were big boils forming on his beautiful shiny dome, and he was basically going on a massive rant about how an incident yesterday was going to cause him a great deal of trouble, and he was already fuming because Henry had recently irked his wrath. Why? Because ole Henry had destroyed the Flying Kipper which the Fat Controller often used to snort coke with the stationmaster and the fireman. "Oh this is good coke." Fat Controller would say, but that's when I noticed two more things about the scene aside from the Fat Controller's horrid temper, first of all the episode was not being narrated by my boy Ringo Starr, no instead it was being narrated by Jeff Goldblum of all people. He sounded proper confused too, and also there was a man sitting on a chair across from Sir Hat and he was an actual man, and he was wearing a fedora and he had summer clothes on. He shook his head as he said in an incredibly gruff sounding voice, "what that helicopter did yesterday was bang out of order! He should have shown you respect!" The Fat Controller laughed as the old man then continued with, "he is a bad helicopter, and the fool needs to be taught a lesson." The old man who revealed his name to be Hector placed a large tub of soap onto the table in front of The Fat Controller as he said, "wash his mouth out with soap!" The Fat Controller shook his head and wiped the sweat from his shiny dome as he said, "I've got another plan in mind." The Fat Controller and Hector then spent the next several minutes discussing a big plan to make a brand new highway pass through Sodor into some place near some place, and it was really boring scene so boring that I actually began to suck on my toes because that's my fetish which really disgusted all the other people on the plane including two people sitting across me who were currently doing their medical entrance exam, and they glared at me with impassive glares as I shrugged leaned back into my chair as the episode finally cut to show what had happened that had Sir Topham so concerned. Earlier that day, Harold The Helicopter AKA the best character in the entire Thomas The Tank Engine franchise was ordered by the Fat Controller to supply some red potatoes from his mansion to Cranky The Crane who would then import the potatoes via his swinging crane onto a truck which was slated for Ohio. Why couldn't Harold just import the red potatoes himself?

Hmm, in any case, Harold was flying okay for awhile until he realised to his horror that he had made a huge mistake, for you see Harold's usual driver Mr Dupree was currently sick with a bad case of food poisoning, and as a result Harold was taking a massive risk. He was trying to fly himself which he thought that could never be done, and it turned out that Harold had been right as flying on his own turned out to be a highly dangerous endeavour. Mr Dupree was an excellent pilot however he was also extremely dangerous in his own right as he actually terrified of heights as they triggered his ibs, and this came from an experience in his youth when he fell off the top of the Eifel Tower. He would have died had he not of fallen on top of a mime who was actually one of those limited edition mini mimes you always hear about from your folks, but never actually see. Anyways, Harold ended up flying terribly through the island of Sodor and he nearly crashed into Tidmouth Sheds only managing to pull himself up at the last minute. Needless to say, Thomas and Percy were shocked at what they were seeing as Percy cried, "oh look there he goes flying through the sky!" Oh, my giddy aunt! Thomas and Percy were Canadian. Lionel Richie wasn't even playing the pair like the narrator is supposed to do, I mean he played most of the other trains in the episode but not those two they were played by two Canadians the kind that you smile smugly towards as you make a big stink about how summer is what America does best. Heck we were born in the summer. Sorry about that, I'm getting off topic but I should also mention that I neglected to mention earlier that it was not just red potatoes that Harold was carrying to Cranky as he was also carrying a crate of manure. MANURE! The manure was needed by Travis so that he could spray it all over the fields which would make the entire island of Sodor smell so bad that you would have to roll your window up on the train. Harold was an idiot and he ended up accidentally dropping the manure crate and the waste spiled all over Percy who when you think about was kind of this show's punching bag. Poor ole Percy. Actually tell a lie I hate Percy he looks like he has an ass for a face and frankly I can't stand the colour green. I hate it. James then appeared from behind Percy and remarked, "you stink!" Meanwhile, Harold finally reached Cranky who said, "you need to place the crates onto the bay so that I can grab them." Harold however didn't stop and instead he kept flying towards Cranky who cried, "what the heck are you doing!?" "I don't know!" Harold proclaimed at the top of his lungs like some kind of Mole Andrews The III as he ended up accidentally crashing straight into Cranky's face and it caused Cranky to begin tilting towards the floor. Cranky's eyes were bulging as if in the upmost surprise, and the entire lower half of his crane body began to snap like a Twix chocolate bar and before you could sniff your shoe Cranky had collapsed to the ground in a massive crash.

The force of Cranky's crash was legendary, because ole Cranky was a big bastard of a crane his fall ended up causing a great deal of damage to the surrounding area. First of all, he crashed on top of the local stationmaster's house even though his wife had just finished making him breakfast, the stationmaster though he pretended to also be annoyed by the crash was secretly very pleased as he hated his wife's cooking as she had cooked him what appeared to be a plate of soap and bubbles. "Just look what you've done to our breakfast! Now I shall have to cook some more!" She had barked. That was only the lower half of Cranky that had destroyed the stationmaster's house, as the top part you know the part containing Cranky's beautiful face ended up smashing through the local opera house where Salty was watching a show with Edward. Edward however was secretly heavily embarrassed by Salty as he had attended the opera dressed as a clown which made everyone in the theatre laugh at them. Salty was also allegedly a very dangerous engine and had been believed to have intentionally caused the death of several trains by trapping them inside of a salt mine, and then on purpose rolling a massive stone pillar in front of them. It was believed by Edward and later confirmed by Henry who served as Mr Exposition on Sodor that Salty may have been a friend of Luca Brasi, and the terrible Brasi had inspired Salty by bragging about the time he lit the tail of the mouse specifically the Nick Jr Mouse who then ran through the Fat Controller's house setting the entire place ablaze. Luca was long dead, but his smelly charm had rubbed off on Salty. I wonder what the story was behind that. After Cranky crashed through the opera house, the entire building was evocated and Edward and Salty headed outside along with the rest of the trains as the opera house only catered for engines as it had a strict no human policy. Edward then glared at Salty as he barked, "your face smells like a foot." This really upset Salty as he then rode down the tracks to his condo because trains own condos now just go with it, and inside his master restroom he pulled out a bottle of toe cream and began eating it as he then stared at the screen and cried, "what are you looking at!?" I gave my chin a right good squeeze as the episode then cut to show that Harold had finally managed to land when he looked around the area with his thick glassy eyes as he wondered aloud, "perhaps this was not such a good idea after all." Ya think? Harold, you've changed. The news of the crash reached Tidmouth Sheds by mid afternoon, and by the evening moon all the engines were in the shed discussing what to do about Harold.

Percy suggested moving to Eastbourne as he heard engines are treated better down that way, but Thomas put him off as he then pondered a ponder over a bowl of ramming jamming that something needed to be done about ole Harold. "Hmm, we could just exile him." Gordon suggested who had a fish finger coming out from his mouth which made me feel incredibly uneasy as Thomas then proceeded to give a big ole speech about how sometimes it's hard to be a train. Percy meanwhile had been dealt a hefty punishment by the Fat Controller who had sent Percy to the golden house a house made of gold and he did this because ole Percy is allergic to gold and it made his face look like a squashed walnut. I say ole boy that's rather rude! Anyways, Thomas then proceeded to say that maybe they could invite Harold to a chicken picnic but then replace all the chicken with raw chicken which would make Harold think that all of the engines are trying to kill him and he would respond by trying to leave the island and go his own way just like his homies The Fleetwood Mac band would want him to do. The engines already didn't like Harold much. He was known as nothing of a menace although some of it was related to jealousy as many of the trains especially James and Henry were jelly over the fact that they as trains were incapable of being able to fly. Henry then suggested that they have a public address with the Fat Controller in order to discuss how Harold has been losing his mind and Henry suggested they lie and say that Harold had grown tired of doing chores for everyone. Yes despite being a fucking helicopter, Harold wasn't able to fly very often as he was often forced by the fucking annoying ass residents of Sodor to help with their chores including mowing their lawn and complimenting the hair of many a perp which made ole Harold feel extremely uncomfortable but he made no comment about it. Little did they know however is that Sir Topham Hat already had something extra special in mind for ole Harold, and The Fat Controller had to be extra careful when planning his next move as he heard rumours that General Asquith had heard about the crash and was quick to suspect that the Fat Controller was engaged in some kind of insurance scheme, and had sent men into Sodor to investigate. Man I really fancy a soda after saying Sodor so many times.

Then out of nowhere it cut to show a live action man in stereotypical Mexican clothes with the sombrero to boot. He was walking through the desert where he ran into the Pepsi Man. "Oh senior Pepsi!" The man cried as he ran towards Pepsi Man in slow motion, but it turned out to have been nothing but a mirage as Pepsi Man disappeared and his true form was revealed to have been that of a cactus. The man sank to his knees and died an incredibly slow death well actually no he was save and given water by the most arrogant man you ever did see a man who insults you for even daring to think that he could possibly be a mirage, but I digress after that clip ended I took the time to look around the plane and saw that no one else was watching the episode they were all busy watching an incredibly fat man at the front of the plane who was playing darts on PSP, but the man was extremely uncomfortable and tried to hide the console but he never could. Back to the episode, Harold was sitting on a hut he needs a rehanger! He was moping around because of all the destruction that he had inadvertently caused and was unaware that he was currently being watched via binoculars by The Fat Controller who was riding atop Nevil who was something of a lapdop for the rest of the cast, but he never complained because Nevile is extremely passive and possibly also involved in the rackets but only time will foretell like my incredibly sarcastic doctor once said. In any case, Sir Topham had indeed come up with a scheme and he knew exactly how to make Harold disappear which would appease his powerful friends. He had already gotten ride of Bulgy by sending him on a long trip if you catch my drift. He was sent to collect some customers from the bad side of town, but ended up getting dragged into a red laces deal. The gang despite initially appearing hostile with Bulgy eventually turned out to be some of the most wholesome characters on the Island of Sodor and they recruited Bulgy into their ranks. Bulgy primarily worked for the gang as a hitman or hit bus I guess as he would eagerly run people down when they were walking the street with their dog and their sponsored t shirt to get a Greggs sausage roll, but the dog was okay and that's make me very pleased. Nevil brought The Fat Controller to see Harold who acted rather sheepish as he tried to act unknowingly as he said, "hey Mr C what's happening?" "Don't be afraid my boy, I just want to talk. I got a brilliant idea!" The Fat Controller said as he smiled an incredibly cheesy smile.

The job was incredibly simple and was described to Harold by The Fat Controller and his butler Cutter as they dined on a lovely supper of fish and chips. "That was good." The Fat Controller remarked as he shoved a massive piece of bread n butter into his gob. Harold was annoyed that The Fat Controller had not offered him any, because he was very stupid and didn't realise that helicopters don't eat... or do they? The job was just for relaxation, and all Harold had to was to transport a Lincoln Contential and place it onto a freighter slated for Sicily where it would be given as a gift to a man who once did ole Toppie a favour and that man was ole General Ibiza. The Fat Controller had made headlines recently by allowing General Ibiza to dine with him on spotted dick and ham, and he also allowed for Ibiza to use his trains without a ride and also have his troops march through the streets where they would glare at any engine if they dared to make a remark about their precious Sicily something that Thomas feared doing all too greatly. "Do you accept my challenge?" The Fat Controller asked while getting extra close to Harold's face who nodded or rather he just nodded with his eyes if that's possible, and he flew away on a new adventure. He was heading to the port where he would be meeting up with Oliver who was guarding the car. "May I partake?" Harold asked Oliver who responded with, "you don't have arms Harold, so how on Earth are you going to pick this thing up?" Hey this thing Oliver? That car has a name, and it happens to be Aching John. Just kidding! Anyways, using a magnet that was gifted to Harold by Marcu Magnet who happened to be Sir Topham's friend in the courts, he was able to pick the LC up and rode it with him all the way over to the other side of the port as the part that Oliver was standing in was not the correct location as Oliver did not understand how to read signs. Well shit! Shit indeed. For the next minute, we had an incredibly awkward scene where Harold rode across the island to the other side of the port because for some reason for this episode and this episode alone the port was the size of a mini New York City, and also all the buildings in the background looked rotten and on the ground below there were raisons everywhere and the sky was smoggy, oggy, and a little moggy. Harold was unaware that he was once again being watched only this time by a man named Sergei. Sergei was sitting on top of a hill holding a sniper rifle. Sergei had been hired by Sir Topham as he had no connection to the Thomas brand and as such could not testify if things were to go awry.

Sergei was not alone however and had been accompanied by Nevile and Sir Topham Hat with the fat man wanting to make that the job was done right as he had already two Albanian hitmen in Trilinear on standby. Nevile however expressed concern on the matter as he looked at Harold with a sad face, but Sir Topham sensed his concerns and put his large meaty arm around Nevile as he said, "go and have a little fun my boy, I won't stand in your way!" It was in that moment that Nevile lost the concerned and soft spoken façade and allowed his true personality to take fold. Suddenly, the episode briefly became The Story On Page Nevile as we were treated to a segment in which Nevile headed to Thomas's branch line where he once again proceeded to steal Annie and Clarabelle right from under Thomas's nose who looked proper weird. His face looked swollen and rotten hinting that he may have tried drinking ass water from under the bridge again. A dangerous pastime, I know! Nevile's luck eventually ran out when he stopped at a small town diner to get some grub, and upon leaving the establishment he found that Annie and Clarabelle had been taken by a bus which was actually really annoying it had a bunch of people on it that sing to you and force you to dance in the street to get the fire out from your shoes. The man driving the bus was a serious whacko too as he believed all his shoes were cursed after an incident occurred in which while advertising his shoes to a bunch of old colds the shoe was revealed to have a massive cockroach inside of it which was then stepped on by one Woodie Woodpecker. "Where's the wrapper?" Woodie asked as he stepped on top of the cockroach which disgusted the man who held his head in his hands in a horrified way as he proceeded to then grab Woodie Woodpecker in a chokehold. Back to the episode my dear, Neville was saddened to see the bus take his beloved coaches away from him again as a man then said in the background in an overly serious tone, "it's a real nightmare when your car's been stolen." It wasn't a car it was a coach! You stupid cheese and pineapple sandwich! Nevil then decided to not say anything at all as he looked at the screen and asked, "hey what's up Marco?" What the fuck!? How did Nevil know my name? He must have been checking me out.

I wiped the shoe polish from my shoe as the episode finally left Neville, and came back to show The Fat Controller and Sergei watching the unassuming Harold carry the car all the way to the freighter as he had been told to by his boss, and like a loyal dog he was not going to let his master down or else he might get whacked. Little did ole Harold know he was partly right in that thinking. "You sure you want this?" Sergei asked, but he got no response as he then took his shot, only Sergei as it turns out had greatly exaggerated his sniping skills to The Fat Controller as instead of killing Harold with a boom headshot he instead only managed to hit the propellors atop Harold's head. Sergei placed the gun down onto the ground as he then said awkwardly, "I'll be going then." He then proceeded to roll down the hill and The Fat Controller rolled with him but as a result of his fat belly he ended up rolling all the way down the hill and over a ramp which sent him flying all the way to the stationmaster's house which by the by now had a recently bought brand new window, and of course of the sakes of karmic justice The Fat Controller ended up smashing straight through that one much to the happiness of the anger of the stationmaster's wife who yelled, "oh you basket!" Harold meanwhile had been sent falling to the ground and he used the wind to push him towards something hopefully soft to land on, but he ended up in a big mess as he ended up crashing on the top of the very boat that the Controller had sent him to escort the car onto which was currently sinking to the bottom of the ocean. The ship then began sinking, and one of the passengers named Mayhew Moneypenny grabbed a hold of Harold and waggled his eyebrows up and down as he then said, "let's hope it's a smooth crossing." Thankfully, Harold, Mayhew, and the rest of the smelly crew were rescued by another helicopter who had a massive chin like some kind of Kronk and he also sounded like a Welsh farmer who hasn't gotten enough potatoes for the harvest which also sells books that make you realise you're running late for a date with the secretary general. So as you can see it's all coming together. Harold was brought to the ground level covered in seaweed as he then said, "I should have been smarter, all the things that have happened they are my fault." Harold then proceeded to sing a really weird song about sometimes it's hard to be a helicopter, but the song was thankfully cut off after Harold was then pulled into a bear hug from that of General Ibiza who congratulated Harold on his heroism and proceeded to hang a medal around his helicopter body. Harold then said, "but I didn't really do anything to help Sir, if anything I'm the one to blame as I caused the accident and..." "Oh shut up ya idiot!" General Ibiza yelled at the top of his Sicilian lungs.

Good ole General Ibiza proceeded to explain to Harold and the other engines over a bowl of Christmas punch at Tidmouth Sheds that The Fat Controller had been involved in a nefarious business, and Ibiza was actually not a friend but was actually using The Fat Controller. He knew that The Fat Controller was a loose cannon, and deliberately laid the bread crumbs so that he would send Harold on a risky mission. Like the ending of Willy Wonka, it is revealed that Sergei a beautiful expy of ole sluggy Slugworth was actually a nice guy all along and was an employee of General Ibiza. Sergei proceeded to give Thomas a thumbs up in a very threatening way while Percy's head magically turned into a turnip, because let's face it turnips have just as much personality as he does. In any case, General Ibiza then revealed that Sir Topham was currently being taught a real lesson which made Thomas and the others very pleased indeed. Ibiza was not lying as back at his mansion, the Fat Controller was dismayed to learn that his butler Cutter had in fact been a double agent and when he tried to confront Cutter the wily butler jumped out from the penthouse window and used a helipad to fly to safety. The Fat Controller tried to jump out the window to give chase, but his fat ass got stuck in the window and to make matters even worse his top hat ended up falling off which in turn gave the entire island a view of his majestic bald head. For his part, The Fat Controller just looked very shocked as really smelly music played in the background. In his stead, Ibiza was having his old friend run the island of Sodor. "And who is this friend?" Harold asked who had been declared the king of Sodor and was currently wearing a makeshift crown from McDonalds which he only begrudgingly wore after being threatened to by Hector the man from the beginning of the episode who was currently suffering a bad case of ass flu. Ahem! I'm getting very distracted sorry about that, but in any case after Harold asked his question General Ibiza turned his attention to the outside of Tidmouth Sheds as he said, "see for yourself." Suddenly, a man then appeared in the stairwell of the sheds and it was none other than Mr Conductor from Thomas And The Magic Railroad. "So, tell me what's become of my Sodor?" Mr Conductor asked in a smelly tone of voice as the episode then cut to the credits which had two men sitting in a boat which made me feel incredibly uneasy.

I guess that the rest of the passengers must have been feeling too as they all started rioting, and it got so bad as a matter of fact that Stockard was forced to turn the plane around and make an emergency landing at Hamilton Flights. After the plane came to a complete stop, everyone clamoured towards the exit, but Stockard showed his true colours as a sadist by rudely making himself the first one to use the yellow slide thingy that is used to slide down the plane. Upon reaching ground control, I was then grabbed from behind by two heavily built police officers as Nate Hamilton clapped his hands mockingly before saying, "well you've crashed a few parties before, but I never expected you to make this far." "What are you talking about?" I asked as all of the sudden Stockard appeared from behind Nate smiling incredibly smugly as he proceeded to reveal that I had been played like a fool. The pair had framed me in a massive plot, and it turns out that bastard crow Jeremy was in on it too. They had set me up to play the Thomas The Tank Engine DVD knowing that it would insight a riot, and they wanted to use that as a massive distraction that would distract the public from all of the other criminal activities that Nate had going on. A nice plan, I must say Mr Hamilton! Personally, I enjoyed the episode well enough but I feel as though as there wasn't enough Harold for such a Harold story and certainly not enough of his glorious Jay Leno esque chin which was sure to make anyone smile a smile when they see it. I had no time to further dwell on my thoughts as I was then rudely thrown into the back of a police cruiser by Micah Salyer who was acting as Nate's contact inside the police department. Ole Nate had planned well, but he failed to realise that one day his luck will run out. I was taken to the police station where I was thrown into a cell with my new cellmate being revealed to be none other than Killer Moth. I asked for Killer Moth's help in forming an escape, but he tried to ignore me but I got revenge by threatening to spray Killer Moth with bug spray which he immediately cowered at the sight of which doesn't really make a whole lot of sense since he is after all a man wearing a costume and so the spray would have no effect on him, but in any case Killer Moth offered to be my hero or something.

The following day at breakfast on the prison backlot, I was asked by two inmates to help them with their mortgages, but I refused and I was very nearly given a lamb shank by one of them until I saw that Killer Moth had fulfilled his promise to me by having his army of moths storm the prison fence where they proceeded to grab a hold of me, and they flew me over the fence and towards the sunset. They were taking me to Hamilton Flights where Nate was about to give a press conference. It was time to put some salt into some salt, and we all know that means don't we?