TRP: Goro, Hansel, and Mishka (Memory Unblocking)

[Setting: Day 360(?). Hansel and Mishka's bedroom at the castle.]

It was the paranoia getting to him--a thought that kept coming back, more persistent each time, and he knew it'd start to keep him awake at night if he didn't do something about it.

Once he cast the curse-removing spell on himself, though, he didn't think he'd ever wanna sleep again, so he wasn't sure it had been a good trade.

At first he lay on the bed, as still as if he were under a spell. Eyes darting around the room, going over it all again and again in his mind. Raking his memories raw. He kept forgetting to breathe in, and he'd remember every now and then and gasp, like he was coming up for water. Those breaths in were never satisfying, though. It felt like air didn't do anything for him anymore.

When he could move again, he rolled onto his side, bunching the blanket against his chest and pressing Hansel's pillow against his face. Now that he'd broken his self-imposed paralysis, he couldn't stop shaking.

He thought he might need help, but--wasn't in a state to get up and ask for it.

And he didn't want to tell anyone what he'd done.

COYOTE

Mishka wandered up to the bedroom in a good mood. He was a bit drunk— he and Joan has been out drinking— and things were good.

When he opened the door, though— absentmindedly humming to himself, kicking off his shoes— he noticed Goro curled up on the bed in the next room, wrapped around Hansel’s pillow. “Goro,” he sang. “Goro Flatflower, Goro Voronin, Goro Basha. Goro, motek. Are you napping? In the middle of the day? Come pay attention to me.”

LINA

Goro whimpered and curled into a tight ball, using his arm to shield as much of his head as possible.

COYOTE

Mishka stopped dead where he was. His good mood evaporated the instant he heard Goro let out a little whimper like a wounded animal.

Maybe Goro was asleep. Having a bad dream, or something.

"Goro?" Mishka called cautiously. "Are you-- awake?"

If he was hurt, he would've just healed himself... nah, nevermind, he wouldn't've.

LINA

Goro wondered if he could pretend everything was normal. Mishka had asked him if he was awake--meaning he could act like he hadn't been, like he'd been having a nightmare, then sit up and go about his business.

He shoved the pillow and blanket away. They weren't helping, anyway. He sat up, and immediately knew his plan wasn't gonna work. He had tears streaming down his face. He was breathing too fast. He couldn't focus his eyes anywhere, and he couldn't stop moving his arms, shaking his hands out like he could shake all the bad feelings off.

COYOTE

Goro looked like shit. He had that jittery look, like he was afraid something was gonna hit him, and his face was red and swollen. Breathing seemed too quick, too. Mishka couldn’t seem any blood, but Goro wore heavy and dark clothing in several layers, and knowing him he’d hide it.

The drunken haze focused a little more. The pleasant buzz turned into anger.

“Who—“ Mishka said, then stopped himself.

He was a little too impulsive when he was drinking, and leaving to go murder whoever made Goro cry felt as smooth and easy as taking another shot. Maybe a little too easy.

“Did someone,” Mishka said, then stopped and struggled with himself a little more.

LINA

Goro shook his head over and over. Someone did something, but. He stuck the knuckle of his index finger in his mouth and bit down hard, whimpering around it.

COYOTE

Wasn’t someone. Something else. Amari? Did something happen to Amari? Did she have a heart attack and drop dead?

Theo. Maybe Jasmilia has come back for Theo.

Or— Larkin. Something had happened to Larkin, or— or.

Mishka abruptly spun on his heel and headed towards the door. This was probably a two-person problem; one of them would need to stay with Goro and the other might need to go solve a problem. Then he remembered Goro shouldn’t be alone, and he stopped dead a second time. Motherfucker.

He went into the bedroom, close to Goro. “Did you Send to Hansel?”

LINA

Goro kept shaking his head.

COYOTE

Mishka dithered. He wanted to help, but— needed to go find Hansel— leave Goro alone? Hold Goro? Don’t touch him?

He tried reaching out to see if Goro wanted to be touched.

LINA

Goro let out a little cry and swatted at him.

COYOTE

Okay. No touching. Mishka took several steps back. “It’s okay,” he called softly. “I’m gonna stay right here. Everything is good. Can you Send to Hansel, sweetheart? Tell him I need him up here in the room.”

Probably not, but it was worth a shot.

LINA

Goro shook his head again and dragged the collar of his shirt up to hide his face. He thought he might feel better if he could grab onto Hansel, but--no, no, it was too fucking complicated, and--thinking about it just made his heart race faster.

COYOTE

God fucking damn, motherfucking— fucking shit—

Okay. Mishka wet his lips. He said, “Stay here. I’ll be right back.” And he went back into the outer room.

He unhooked his scrying earring, shut one eye and peered through it. It showed him a distorted and blue image of the kitchen. Hansel was making potions.

Mishka cracked down next to Hansel.

“Hans.” Mishka stared at Hansel. “Do you know what’s wrong with Goro?”

IZZY

Hansel looked up. "What?"

They might joke about there being shit wrong with them, and some other time he might say, hahah, nah, but it's great, right? -- but that wasn't the kinda tone Mishka had, here.

Something was -- actually wrong with Goro, and Hansel felt every muscle tense up slightly.

COYOTE

“In bed. Having a panic attack. No blood.”

Mishka’s words were brief and factual. Efficient. Getting information across before they took off.

IZZY

Hansel stood up immediately, his chair screeching as he pushed it back. "Okay." He took a couple steps to link his hand with Mishka's tightly. "S'go."

COYOTE

Mishka pulled Hansel into his arms, closed his eyes, envisioned their bedroom, and they both vanished with a crack.

LINA

Goro jumped when Mishka and Hansel appeared in the room. He scrambled off the bed and backed into the corner, crouching down.

IZZY

Hansel shot Mishka a look. He wanted to ask what'd happened, but Mishka had come to him asking the same question, so they were clearly equally fucking lost here. He hesitated for a beat, 'cause of the way Goro had skittered away -- it'd been a long fucking time since Goro had done that around either of them. Wasn't sure what to ... do.

He squeezed Mishka's hand. Wanted to whisper, s'okay, I got this, but he really had no fucking idea what was going on. Room seemed to be in order, Mishka'd already checked for blood -- Goro wasn't hurt and nothing seemed to've happened. He was still gonna handle it, though. They'd work it out, whatever it was.

"Hey," he said softly. "Hey, ahuv."

He gave Mishka a quick kiss to the temple before letting go of his hand, easing a little closer to Goro but leaving about the length of the bed between them. He sat down, carefully, slowly, watching Goro to be sure he didn't do anything too close or too fast or too much. For now he just waited for Goro to look at him, maybe say something, acknowledge that he was there -- make sure Goro was okay enough to listen before he tried anything else.

COYOTE

Mishka locked the door— out‘ve habit, maybe— so if anyone came by, they’d know not to bother them. Mishka would lie and say they were fucking or something.

Once he was certain everything was good, he slid down the doorjam in the bedroom and sat on the floor.

LINA

Goro chewed savagely on his nails, watching Hansel, narrowing his eyes.

The other night, he hadn't wanted to tell Hansel what he'd done, inviting Aziz into his dream. But Hansel had promised not to let go of him, and he hadn't.

Goro's eyes darted over to Mishka, and he started tearing up all over again. "'M sorry," he managed.

IZZY

Hansel gave Mishka a concerned look, not sure if Goro was apologizing to him, for something (Mishka clearly didn't fuckin' know what, though), or just ... in general, for something equally fucking mysterious. He tried to think of something Goro could've done that would've upset him this badly.

Had he -- hurt someone? Would've been an accident, of course, but -- maybe him and Luci were doing some weird magic shit, and something went wrong, or ... something with Jonn or Roddy, somehow, but -- the thing was that Goro was a healer. He was one of the fucking best. Anything that'd gone wrong, he could fix it. So -- so if he'd done something wrong, he was only upset that it'd happened, and Hansel didn't need to worry about anyone else being in danger, or being hurt.

He told himself that, and edged a little closer to Goro. Really wanted him to stop chewing on himself, but they'd work up to it. "Hey," he said again, still real soft. "Hey, it's okay, Goro. It's all right, love. Can you talk to me a little more? Tell me what's wrong?" He held his hand out, palm up. "You wanna c'mere, sweetheart?"

LINA

Goro shook his head violently.

He made himself take his hand out of his mouth. Still shaking. He leaned against the wall behind him for support. "I'm--I'm the--Aleksei. Learned everything--" He waved in Mishka's direction. "Learned everything from me. He got into my head."

COYOTE

For a moment, Mishka was so angry he could not speak or move or do anything. His face remained perfectly calm, and he looked at Goro silently.

He thought about the way Hansel came to him drunk in the orchard in Alabaster, the way he crumpled and cried on the ground and he begged Mishka to lie to him and make him forget.

He thought, explicitly, about killing Aleksei. How it’d feel to explain, calmly and measuredly, that this was what happened when Aleksei touched Mishka’s loved ones while Mishka cut out his tongue and then hung him upside down to bleed out.

He stared at Goro, glassy-eyed and silent.

IZZY

Hansel stared at Goro dumbly. He had questions like when and how and why? -- why would Aleksei even -- must've been following Goro, too, not just Hansel, might've been following Luci then, or Roddy, or Raef or Larkin -- anyone close to Mishka, could've hurt any of them, could leave any of them dead in a forest --

But --

Goro had apologized. He kept moving away, and he was upset, not just because Aleksei had fucked with him, but because Aleksei had used him to fuck with Mishka, and -- Valkur, Hansel knew what that felt like -- but Goro didn't seem pissed at Aleksei.

He seemed upset with himself.

Hansel looked back at Mishka and recognized his expression. Frozen over. Too fucking furious to even react. Hansel knew what it looked like, though -- like Goro was apologizing and Mishka was furious with him. Goro was too upset to figure that out, for sure, because reading Mishka could be tricky even when everyone was calm and level-headed.

He didn't really think about it another second. Just pushed forward abruptly to wrap one arm tightly around Goro's waist and drag him in, stretching the other towards Mishka to remind him -- this is what Goro needs; you have to show him it's okay.

Even so, he was saying it, too, firmly, as he moved. "Hey, hey, Goro, Goro -- it's okay, motek, it's okay --."

LINA

Goro went rigid, then squirmed, shoving weakly at Hansel's chest. "Nn--nn--nn--" He shook his head, vision blurring with more tears. He couldn't decide whether he wanted Hansel to hold him or not. Felt like wanting a warm bath but already being too hot.

COYOTE

Mishka snapped out of it. Realized what it probably looked like— staring at Goro white-faced.

He sat down on the bed. For the first time in several days, he felt clear-headed and perfectly calm, like the surface of a deep river with sharp rocks and a strong current.

“It’s okay,” Mishka said very, very quietly. It’s okay because I’m going to cut his throat and burn his body and make sure he never touches you or Hansel again. I’m going to slice out his tongue and remove his clever little fingers. “It’s okay, chaveri. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

He wanted to touch Goro— was dying for it— but he was fighting Hansel, and Mishka didn’t think more would help.

IZZY

Hansel reached for Mishka's hand again, just -- just to be touching him, too. Fucking Aleksei. Goro squirmed against him, but Hansel squeezed him tight -- careful, in case -- in case this time, Goro really didn't want it, like Hansel sometimes didn't wanna be touched -- and shushed him, whispering against his hair and backing Mishka up. "S'okay. S'okay, ahuv. You're good."

LINA

Goro shook his head again. He sure as hell wasn't fucking good. He remembered Aleksei touching his forehead. A ring of mind-shielding? Oh, and you turned it invisible to hide it from us.

Goro renewed his efforts to push away, more frantic and panicked now.

Precious. Poor baby.

He'd fought so hard. So fucking hard.

IZZY

Oh. Nope. Not this time.

Hansel let Goro go quickly -- but -- reluctantly, too -- and pushed himself back so that Goro wouldn't feel like he had to run, keeping his hands outstretched a little in case Goro changed his mind.

"Okay," he said hastily, still softly. "Okay. That's okay, love."

He looked to Mishka. He couldn't really be the one to say it was all right. Not with any fucking authority, anyway. He wasn't the one Aleksei had used Goro against.

COYOTE

Mishka talked quietly. “D’you remember what you said to me the other day? About it not being my fault, and me not choosing what Aleksei did? About how we do our best? Motek. Goro Voronin, Goro Bell. I don’t care what he did to you, and I don’t care what you did, but I trust you, motek, and you don’t have to say anything or explain, and you can be upset as you like, because no matter what it was, I already know it wasn’t your fault what he did to you or what he took from you. You don’t need to be afraid. And you don’t need to tell us what happened unless you want to. I’m going to kill him, and you’re safe now.”

LINA

"I'm not. I'm not." Goro pressed himself into the corner again, rocking back and forth a few times before he folded over and hid his face on his knees.

He squeezed his right hand with his left, so tight the knuckles cracked. Then he shook the right hand out, making the ring visible. He didn't know if Hansel and Mishka would notice, but it was gonna help him explain, anyway. "They made me take it off. They forced me. They forced me, they--" He sobbed and whimpered. Words. Fucking words, asshole. Say them. "When I was arrested. Museum."

IZZY

Hansel was dying to get closer again and hold him. Made himself ... not, and just squeezed Mishka's hand tight instead, bit his tongue against just saying, It's okay, again, saying, If they fucking forced you, then --

Wasn't sure if Goro was upset about some perceived betrayal, or about the fucking ... violation. Wasn't sure if even he was sure. Maybe it was both at the same time.

COYOTE

“They? More than one. Who else?”

LINA

"Um." Goro grit his teeth and banged his fists on the floor. "Um--the--the--general? You fought him. He--he got away." He sobbed again, shuddering. "He spelled me. For hours. Controlled me. And he called in Aleksei, and Aleksei tried to read my mind and he couldn't, and the general--"

Goro sat up, messily wiping tears off his cheeks. He shifted in place, focusing at last on Hansel and Mishka's faces, shaking his hands out again. "He made me take the ring off. Said, if you've got anything keeping us from reading your mind, get rid of it, and I tried so hard, I tried so hard..." He trailed off into incoherent sounds trying to be words, and then just cries.

IZZY

Hansel shifted closer to Goro again, anxiously. He touched Goro's arm carefully and gave him a gentle pull.

LINA

This time, Hansel's hand felt better. More steadying. Goro kept jerking and tugging, 'cause he couldn't make his muscles relax, but he clumsily plowed into Hansel and managed to get his hands grabbing onto Hansel's shirt.

COYOTE

Ah. That was good. Mishka reached out to touch, briefly, but-- he was used to his touch burning people, and he wasn't strong, like Hansel, couldn't squeeze reassuringly quite the same way. Instead, he settled against Goro's back-- not all the way, just leaning against him, holding onto his clothes one-handed so Goro would feel the warmth of him.

IZZY

Thank fuckin' god. Mask, whoever. Hansel wrapped Goro up and squeezed him tight.

"There you go," he said softly. "There you go, motek. S'okay."

LINA

It got a little bit easier to breathe. With Hansel squeezing Goro against his chest, and Mishka there too, steady against his back. Goro couldn't hold still yet--feet kept jiggling, hands kept relaxing and tightening, and he kept shifting, like he could find a way deeper into the hug--but he felt safer. His mind still felt raw, an open wound anyone could probe into, but--he wasn't alone. Wasn't helpless.

He sniffled. "It was supposed to keep me safe. That's--that's the one thing it's supposed to do. Fuckin'... fuckin'..."

COYOTE

Mishka leaned back against him, closing his eyes. Goro kept moving, so he pressed a little harder, tried to make it feel-- reassuring.

He wasn't sure if he was doing it right. Mishka was used to skittering away from people when they were upset, afraid he'd hurt them by mistake, and he was terrified of slipping up, here, getting too mad and hurting Goro by accident. While he was broken down and vulnerable. It felt safer to leave and let Hansel handle it, but that felt wrong, too.

He knew Aleksei would've enjoyed that. Enjoyed making someone take off their only armor, right in front of him, knowing what he was about to do.

"He went inside your mind?" Mishka asked, hesitantly, hating he had to ask. "Or he... made you tell him things."

LINA

"Went inside." Goro squeezed his eyes shut. "Deep. Took everything."

IZZY

Hansel growled and squeezed Goro tighter. "I'll kill him," he whispered. "We'll kill him."

COYOTE

Mishka pursed his lips tightly. "Mm. Mhm."

Nah, he thought privately to himself. No more Hansel and no more Goro. Aleksei didn't get any more fucking chances to touch them or do things to them.

Mishka had an idea, and it felt like a good idea. It was forming rapidly in the back of his mind. He'd need Goro's ring, the one that shielded his thoughts, and he'd need someone else-- Larkin, maybe, or Jonn--

Mishka nodded. "Yes. Never again."

LINA

"How?" Goro had started to settle, but he squirmed again. "He's too--he can--he's fucked with all of us. He's too much."

IZZY

Hansel shifted to hold more of Goro -- could hold him tighter, still, but it felt more important to just get a better grip. He crossed his legs more comfortably so he could settle Goro into his lap better, looping an arm around his lower back and the other around his shoulders, just to even the pressure out -- hold him still and firm. He could still squirm around when he had to -- that was all right -- but he'd be damn sure that Hansel wasn't letting go of him.

He rested his lips against Goro's hair, not kissing so much as pressing down, weighing him down. Anchor. Right. That was what he needed.

"Fucked with us all separately," he muttered. "'Cause he's a fuckin' coward. 'Cause he's knows we'd kill him in a fuckin' second if we were all together an' all right. Gonna be okay." He flicked his eyes at Mishka, saying it to him, too. "Gonna take care of it."

COYOTE

That was good, Mishka thought, satisfied. He gave Goro and Hansel some space while they were rearranging themselves-- or rather, while Hansel was rearranging Goro-- and then leaned against Goro again so they were back-to-back, because that felt the most comfortable somehow. Pressure and presence and warmth without weight. Goro already had Hansel to hold him down; he didn't need Mishka for that.

LINA

Goro sniffled. He worked an arm free and wiped his cheeks, then stuck his fingers in his mouth. He knew Hansel wouldn't like it. The bracelet was right there, too. With some difficulty, Goro managed to move his hand, releasing his fingers and positioning his wrist so he could bite the bracelet instead.

He mumbled around it. "Does he have magic that can force people to do things?"

COYOTE

“Mm. Mhm. That is, ah... where I learned it from.”

LINA

Goro chewed harder on the bracelet, and with his other arm clutched Hansel more tightly.

"I got lazy," he said. "I think. Cocky. Something. Didn't think it'd work on me anymore. Was too good at throwing it off. But... that general." He closed his eyes, feeling shaky again. Thing was, he already remembered this part. It wasn't new that he'd failed for hours to throw off that guy's domination.

But he hadn't known what the guy had made him do. Two people, working together, to get power over him. Somehow ten times worse. He bit down even harder.

IZZY

Hansel rubbed his back, little circles with each hand to keep from having to move or let up the hold at all. He kissed Goro's head without moving too much, either. Truth was he wanted to move, too, wanted to pace around and growl, wanted to sit down with Mishka and lowly make a plan. I get this one, you get that one. I go low, you go high. Keep Goro tight against him the whole time, between them, safe and protected for as long as he needed it, until his claws came back out.

Stayed still as he could instead, stayed sturdy. "That ain't how it works, motek," he said gently. "Can be the most resilient motherfucker out there and still take a hard hit sometimes. Ain't your fault. And we're gonna get that fuckin' general too, okay? Track him down and slice his throat when his little friend ain't around to bail him out. S'okay."

LINA

"Mm." Goro pressed the top half of his face against Hansel's shoulder, leaving his mouth free to keep chewing. "No can do. I'm a coward now. It's official. Just gonna hide while other people do the fighting. 'M done."

COYOTE

Mishka shifted and turned around to wrap an arm around Goro’s waist. “Goro. Are you suggesting you have finally developed a self-preservation instinct? Fucking good. Thank god.”

IZZY

Hansel scoffed gently, and snaked his one hand around Mishka too, squeezing Goro between them and making a fist in Mishka's clothes. "That's okay, ahuv. Y'don't gotta do anything."

LINA

Goro frowned. Self-preservation instinct. Like hell that's what it was.

"Can't just let other people do all the fighting for me," he mumbled, which he knew was the direct fucking opposite of what he'd just said. Whatever. He was conflicted.

COYOTE

“Hansel. Should Goro stay safe or should Goro go fight Aleksei? Let’s put it to a vote. Raise your hand if you don’t want Goro to die.” Mishka raised his hand.

IZZY

Hansel looked up from kissing Goro's hair to give Mishka wry look. "We can fight together," he said firmly. "All safe that way. No one's gonna die."

He might've said, some other time, No one else, or, No one but me, but he figured there wasn't a great chance that Goro was gonna find that amusing. Not even shored up with murmurs and reassurances that if anything happened to Hansel, he knew Goro could fix it -- beat cleric there was, he'd whisper, Goro Voronin. Not right now, though. Later.

"Gonna get some rest," he said, instead. "You're gonna feel better, ahuv. And then once y'do, we're gonna work this out."

LINA

"Might not feel better," Goro insisted. "Might be permanent."

Suddenly, the bracelet fell out of his mouth and off his wrist. He blinked, confused, and leaned back to grab it from where it had fallen between him and Hansel.

"Oh," he said, holding it up. He'd bitten it in half, was why. His heart started to sink before he remembered what Jonn had told him about it. Tentatively, he held the two frayed ends together, and they rejoined, magically bonding as good as new. Well, with a bunch of his spit, but still. He gave a small, pleased sound.

COYOTE

Mishka knew he ought to say something wise and reassuring, but he didn’t have it in him. He was still too busy simmering. He was trying to hide it by bullshitting around, but— he was still so fucking angry. At Aleksei, maybe, and at himself, too, and Hansel, somehow, for saying We can fight together when Mishka wanted them both to stay home, stay safe, away from the danger Mishka had put them in—

He rested his head on Goro’s shoulder, fingers digging in. He wrapped his other hand around Goro’s waist as well and grabbed Hansel’s hand.

IZZY

Hansel squeezed Mishka's hand, hoping it reassured him a bit. Aleksei had fucked with all three of them, now, and he had this creeping dread it would happen again -- maybe to one of the kids, or to Joan -- to whoever Aleksei thought he could hurt Mishka with the most. And Mishka had to have that feeling too. Had to know it, know they needed to stop fucking around. They needed to end this before anyone else was twisted around and damaged in the crossfire.

He wanted to fucking do something, goddammit. Something violent. Something fucking rash and stupid.

But Goro bit through his bracelet and looked so crestfallen before it mended itself. He reminded himself that he needed to be here, more than anything. He needed to be with Goro until Goro was okay.

"That's all right," he said. Because it was a lot of fuckin' pressure to put on someone, them feeling better. He nuzzled into Goro's hair and squeezed Mishka's hand again, pressing their rings together, two reforged halves of a whole. "You can feel however you gotta feel, motek. Gonna keep you safe no matter what."

LINA

"Like I'm some damsel in distress, huh?" He said it mockingly, kinda, but... also kinda not. Kinda hoping Hansel would say yes. 'Cause there was a weird part of him, sometimes, that he just saw glimpses of--a part that wanted to be helpless, and fragile.

Less pressure, he guessed. And it made him feel valuable, somehow. Knowing Hansel thought he needed to be kept safe. Treasured.

IZZY

"Mmhm." Hansel kissed his hair. "Can be in distress long as it takes. Rest of our lives." Gave him another tight squeeze. "I got you."

COYOTE

Mishka didn’t particularly think Goro was a damsel. He was capable of facing down Diva. He was capable of staring down Jasmilia and clawing Theo away from her. Goro never backed down from a threat.

But Goro didn’t need to be helpless to be precious, and he didn’t need to be breakable to be protected.

It was all a very confusing, mixed-up muddle in Mishka’s head. Just because Goro was tougher than other people didn’t mean that… he deserved to be taken for granted, or overlooked, or treated callously. Just because Goro could take more hits than other people didn’t mean he should have to. Goro ought to be praised. Coddled. Patted.

He always felt the same way about Hansel.

He really wished they would let him spoil them. Bring them wine and good food and rub their feet. Dress their wounds. Mishka blinked fuzzily up at the ceiling. He was getting warm and sleepy.

He patted Goro’s shoulder affectionately and got up. He kissed the back of Hansel’s neck, then pulled his boots back on and began braiding his hair out of his face. “I need to take care of some things. Mishka business. I’ll be back tomorrow. Hansel, love, can I borrow your Sending bead for the day? Just in case.”

IZZY

Hansel frowned a bit, but started tugging the green strand off his wrist to hold the bracelet out for Mishka. "Yeah. 'Course. Be safe."

LINA

"Tomorrow?" Goro mumbled unhappily.

COYOTE

Mishka slipped the green band onto his wrist. He had to cinch it a little tighter; Mishka had strong wrists, but Hansel’s were thicker. “Tomorrow.”

LINA

Goro didn't like it, but there wasn't any use whining. At least he still had Hansel. "Be safe," he whispered, like him saying it was gonna make any more of a difference than Hansel had.

COYOTE

Mishka figured saying I will would be lying, so instead he said, “You too,” grabbed his shit, and left the room.

IZZY

Hansel kept frowning a bit, watching Mishka. He knew Mishka -- like him -- felt better if he was doing something. Wasn't any good sitting around and thinking about it. And if they both stayed with Goro, they'd probably both get antsy, feel redundant.

He didn't like Mishka leaving, because he never did, but -- it'd work out all right, this way. Better to divide and conquer. He kept watching until Mishka had gone, idly rubbing Goro's back the entire time, and then kissed Goro's head and breathed in, then sighed out, the scent of his hair.

"You wanna be in the corner, or move up to the bed?" he asked softly.

LINA

Goro shifted closer, as close as he could get. "On Hansel," he answered. "'S the important part."

IZZY

"M'kay. Gonna pick you up."

He shifted to hold Goro as tight against him as he could, not holding him up so much as just pressing Goro to him firmly enough to keep him from falling -- and slowly stood up, letting go just enough to flick the blankets back.

"All right," he murmured, sliding into bed. "I gotcha. All good, ahuv." He settled his back against the headboard and slouched down a little, so Goro could rest against his chest properly, and kissed his head again as he reached to pull the covers over them, pulling the hem up to Goro's shoulders. "All good. You want these higher?"

Hansel tended to cover his head, sometimes, when he got freaked out. Goro'd hide his face sometimes when he was upset, but Hansel hadn't noticed whether he liked to have his head completely covered or not. Might be enough to just have his face hidden.

LINA

Goro lifted his head up enough to assess the situation. Then he distracted himself by looking at Hansel's face. A beautiful face on its own, but goddamn, Hansel was so fucking good. Taking care of him and shit. Talking through everything he did, making it all safe. Goro just kept gazing at him, feeling dreamy and almost drunk.

He realized Hansel was still waiting for an answer. Instead of speaking, Goro sat up, lifted the hem of Hansel's shirt, and slid himself under it.

"There," he said quietly, getting settled against Hansel's chest again. He managed a little smile. "Now all good."

IZZY

Hansel gave a gentle pfff. "Was gonna take it off once you were settled." Goro was always trying to get in his clothes, and all. Pretty clear he felt better when he could touch Hansel's skin, for whatever reason. "You rather I keep it on?"

LINA

"Mm." Goro considered. He shook his head. "I can take mine off, too. Then skin on skin. The best." He could feel himself perking up just at the thought of it. Like being hungry and seeing a hot meal laid out.

IZZY

"Mmhm." Hansel gave him a brief squeeze, then straightened up a bit and reached to tug his shirt off over his head -- switching arms to keep one around Goro the whole time, and getting it off quick. "There." He sat back and pulled at Goro's shirt carefully, to see if Goro wanted -- help, he guessed. Not like Goro couldn't undress himself; Hansel just wanted to do something.

LINA

Letting Hansel do it wasn't gonna be fast enough. Goro yanked off the layers he was wearing and tossed them aside, then rested against Hansel's chest again, slipping his arms around Hansel's waist to squeeze him tight. "Mmmm." He nodded in approval.

IZZY

Hansel made a pleased sound. "Good." He ran a hand up and down Goro's back, along his spine, light at first. He wanted to get Goro something -- food, or -- water or something. Couldn't leave, though, and didn't want to. "If, uh -- if y'need anything. Food or somethin', y'know? You feel like you can Send to Luci? And I'll meet her at the door. Y'know she won't ask questions or nothin'."

LINA

Goro nodded again. "Yeah. Think so. Don't need anything right now, though." He squeezed tighter. "Just gotta... dunno. Feel... feel... eh, there's a word Amari uses. Grounded."

IZZY

"Anchored," Hansel said softly.

LINA

"Mm," Goro agreed. "You're... good, at making me feel like that."

IZZY

"All right." Hansel rested his face in Goro's hair. He wanted to be able to relax and close his eyes, but kept staring out across the room instead, pressing his fingers into Goro's back a little harder, to try to ease some of the weary tension out. "D'you want --." He hesitated, but figured he could offer one more thing, and then he'd stop. Let Goro rest. "You could get under me. Y'know, so I could squeeze you more." He kissed Goro's head. "Or we can just sit quiet."

LINA

Goro made an intrigued sound. But... he lifted his head and frowned at Hansel. "You--you're really, like. Worried."

IZZY

"Yeah, I'm fuckin' worried," Hansel murmured, still frowning. "Want you t'be okay."

LINA

"You're all fretful and shit."

IZZY

"Yeah."

LINA

"I mean, I'm okay. Ain't gonna die or nothing."

IZZY

"I know you ain't gonna die." Hansel kept watching him, brow knit. "Y'know, sometimes -- you talk like that's all that matters. That you're not dead. I want you t'be better than just ... not dead, y'know?" He slipped on hand up Goro's back to curl into his hair, tilting Goro's head down so Hansel could kiss his hair again. "I ain't gonna stop frettin', but I'll stop botherin' you about it."

LINA

"You're not bothering me." Goro pressed back against Hansel's lips, like a cat seeking more pets.

IZZY

Hansel nuzzled against him and kissed him a couple more times. "You want me to hum you somethin'?"

LINA

"Mm. Mhm." Goro turned his head to rest his ear against Hansel's chest.

IZZY

"A'right." He kept rubbing Goro's back and started humming, low in his chest. It was a sea shanty -- most of the songs he knew were. Either that or lullabies. Six of one, half dozen of the other, he supposed.

the sea, the sea, the open sea,

the blue, the fresh, the ever free

without a mark, without a bound,

it run the earth's wide regions round;

it plays with the clouds; it mocks the skies;

or like a cradled creature lies

I'm on the sea, I'm on the sea

I am where I would ever be

with the blue above, and the blue below,

and silence wheresoe’er I go;

if a storm should come and awake the deep,

what matter?

I shall ride and sleep

LINA

Goro closed his eyes, lulled by warmth and the deep rumbling tones of Hansel's humming. His arms around Hansel loosened as he grew sleepier. But when he started to drift off, he jerked, startling himself wide awake. His heart raced and he gripped Hansel tight again.

Alright. Alright. Still safe.

IZZY

Hansel felt Goro relaxing, and kept doing exactly what he'd been doing -- repeating verses when he lost track of what he was humming, just so long as he kept doing it. As soon as Goro twitched and tensed back up, Hansel squeezed him tight again, feeling Goro's heart thumping against his, and shh shh shh'd softly into his hair, kissing him. "It's okay, love. It's okay. Got you. All safe."

He stayed quiet, gentle. Goro seemed fucking exhausted -- Hansel knew he always was when he came down from a panic. Best thing for him was to sleep it off, Hansel figured. He shushed Goro a couple more times, whispering, S'all right, it's all right.

LINA

Goro nodded, still clutching tight. When he'd caught his breath, he thought for a moment, licking his lips. "I guess, uh. The reason I thought it was funny, that you were fretting. You don't know how bad it used to be for me. When I'd get like this. Y'know, I'd just... I wouldn't sleep, for a few days. 'Cause I'd keep doing that, waking myself up, but then I'd just be up and pacing for an hour after. This is better. So... yeah. 'Course I'm better than just alive."

IZZY

"Mm." He nuzzled against Goro's hair again, thinking. "S'pose. Better's ... better. Could be better yet, though." He Kissed Goro's hair and sighed into it, slow and even. "You deserve a good night's sleep, shemeshi."

LINA

"Didn't know there was such a thing, 'fore I had you." Goro nuzzled against his chest. "I mean, I heard people say it, but. Didn't know what it'd feel like. Hah, freaked me out the first time I slept through the night and couldn't remember waking up once. Fuckin' weird."

IZZY

"Normal now, though, eh?" Hansel squeezed him, then resettled his arms differently so he could twine his fingers in the hair at the nape of Goro's neck. "Be all right," he promised. "You'll sleep okay. I'll keep watch."

LINA

"Mm. Sometimes. Sometimes, I still wake up. Freaked out or not, just depends. S'easier to get back to sleep, though, when you're there." His eyelids had drifted closed again. They felt heavy. It wasn't even dinnertime, but he guessed he could nap.

IZZY

"Good. That's good." Hansel kissed him one more time, and started humming again.

LINA

Goro let himself enjoy it for a moment. Then he grunted drowsily. "You were gonna lay on me. Squishin'."

IZZY

He laughed softly. "M'kay."

Carefully, he scooted down and rolled the both of them onto their sides, inadvertently hiding them both in a little cave of covers. Then he shifted only about half on top of Goro, draping an arm and a leg over him, other arm hooked around Goro to tuck him against his chest and squeeze him between the mattress and Hansel's own weight.

"More?"

LINA

"Yeah, god damn it."

IZZY

Hansel snorted and teased, "Bossy," in a gentle tone, and rested more of his weight onto Goro.

He wasn't sure why Goro liked this so much. Hansel himself always liked it when Mishka would climb on top of him to nap, and he'd liked the way Goro would shove into his arms from the moment he'd started doing it. Goro, though -- it really seemed like it was the weight that got him. Wondered if just any weight would do.

Well, not any, obviously. He still remembered Goro talking about that -- that person, when he'd been younger. And sure, if a fuckin' beam fell on him, or something, that wouldn't be the same. But maybe he'd like it if Mishka flopped over on him, or Larkin did it.

Or maybe it was just Hansel. Maybe it was special, like that.

LINA

"Mmmm. Nice. S'nice." As he felt himself relax more, he sank deeper into the mattress, and the weight became a bit much. He grunted "Little less."

IZZY

Hansel adjusted obediently. "Good?"

LINA

"Mhm." Goro rested his eyes. "Hansel?"

IZZY

"Mm?"

LINA

"Uh. I don't... think this is normal, is it."

IZZY

"Pff." Hansel kissed the bit of Goro's face that was easiest to reach. "Who gives a shit. Feels good, right?"

LINA

"Yeah. What about--what about the skin thing?" Goro used a hand that was mostly free to point between himself and Hansel. "Y'know, skin on skin. Is that something other people are crazy for?"

IZZY

"Dunno. I like it."

LINA

"It's real good, ain't it?"

IZZY

He grinned a bit. "S'good, yeah. Y'know why, though?" He shifted around a bit, trying to keep about the same weight on Goro but moving so he could see his face better. "'Cause it's special. 'Cause it ain't somethin' you want with just anyone. But we get to have it, just us."

LINA

Goro grinned faintly. "Yeah. I wouldn't want just anyone squishing me, either. Something about, uh, what do they call it... being in love with you."

IZZY

"Mm. Mmhm," Hansel agreed. "Y'know. Wouldn't let just anyone see s'much of me as you do. Bein' upset, and all." He kissed Goro's forehead. "Must be the same thing. Love you."

LINA

Goro used his free hand to reach up and softly pet the side of Hansel's face, over and over again. He blinked slow and sleepy, not wanting to stop looking at him.

"Good," he murmured. "'M lucky I get so much of you. Best. Luckiest guy."

IZZY

Hansel made another quiet sound of agreement, hoping Goro would slip on back to sleep, at least for a little while. He'd be there whenever Goro woke up again, though. Long as he needed.

He kissed Goro's hair and softly murmured, "Get some sleep, ahuv. Sun in my sky, light in my life. I got you. You're safe, chatichi. I got you, love. I got you."

LINA

At some point when Goro blinked, his eyes stayed closed.

He tried for a psh but it came out like more of a ss. "'M not that special."

IZZY

"Sure are." He didn't intend to argue with Goro, but he couldn't quite stop himself. "Real special. Special to me. Can't change my mind, neither."

LINA

"Mmm." Goro smiled, eyes still closed. He could tell he was drifting off--forgetting where he was, and when. Nothing but the warmth and weight of Hansel, the scent of his skin, the rumble of his voice.

Sun in my sky, light in my life.

Goro quit trying to argue. He wanted to say, Tell me again. But he was too sleepy.

He'd ask when he woke back up, if he remembered. He hoped he'd remember.

[end]