Episode 41: The Journey into the Wardrobe

Dick and Johnson are at home, finishing the construction of a statue made from recently torn down Confederate statues. The sculpture is a visual amalgamation of both Dick and Johnson, and they name it "Johnk Dicson" (not to be confused with John Dickson). They are startled when a magical fawn like creature suddenly appears, and kill it instantly. After killing a second fawn, a third one introduces itself as **Flegel**, a messenger sent by the White Witch to call Dick and Johnson for aid. Flegel leads the two to their Wardrobe Room, a room filled with wardrobes. Standing in front of an open wardrobe that appears to be a portal to another world is the White Witch (who is half Asian). The witch asks the two heroes to help rid her magical realm of a vandalous lion named **Aslan**. Johnson realizes that the White Witch is referring to **Narnia** and begins to doubt her true intentions. While questioning her about her quest, Dick and Johnson accidentally misspeak, offending her deeply. To make amends, they accept her mission and follow her into the wardrobe to her realm.

Instead of Narnia, they arrive in **"Seattle,"** the White Witch's current home. The city is littered with dead bodies; a dice dungeon, imprisoned cats and ocelots, the ghost of Jessica Marzipan, are supposedly all victims of Aslan's cruelty, the witch tells Dick and Johnson. After having convinced at least Dick of Aslan's wickedness, the three return to the Wardrobe Room and continue to Narnia.

As Flegel fills them in on the current status of the fight against Aslan and his forces, Johnson grows increasingly suspicious of his best friend's more and more enthusiastic support of the White Witch. On the road to Aslan's suspected location, Dick joins the witch in her magical carriage, while Johnson choses to travel in a sled made out of the coats he has brought, carried by wolves. The witch's influence over Dick soon becomes more apparent, as he misremembers his past, and starts seeing the White Witch as best friend and motherly figure. The group is ambushed by soldiers of Aslan, and while Johnson attempts to use the opportunity to find out, whether he is on the right side of this war by questioning the attackers, Dick blindly charges them. They easily defeat the assailants, but Johnson fails to break his best friend out of the witch's spell and confronts her directly. He grabs Dick and races off with him on his sled while the White Witch gives chase. Though she fails to maneuver her carriage through the woods, the spellbound Dick manages to escape Johnson and return to her.

Deep in the woods, Johnson has escaped the witch, but without his Dick. In front of him, Aslan suddenly appears. Suspicious after the witch's treachery, Johnson asks Aslan where his loyalties lie, and finds him a wise and open minded leader. The lion condemns the White Witch's statements about his supposed crimes as fake news and agrees to help Johnson free his friend.

Back at the White Witch's side, Dick has turned into a small, hot tea drinking, Turkish Delights eating, British boy. As Dick is being pampered by the witch, Johnson arrives on the back of a flying Aslan. The Lion denounces the witch's tyrannical rule and her manipulation of Dick—while conceding that he too uses children to aid him—but the White Witch points out that Dick is happy with his new childlike state of being, and that Aslan obfuscates his intentions the same way she does. Her offer of Turkish Delights to her "guests" is refused and, as Dick steps forward to face Johnson, a fight of best friend against best friend seems inevitable.

The White Witch attempts to shield Dick, but before she can reach him, Aslan quickly subdues him, giving Johnson the chance to pour a Budweiser into his mouth. The all American beer breaks the witch's spell, and Dick is restored and immediately rips the foreign clothes off his body, leaving him naked. Refusing to surrender, the witch continues her attempts to seduce the heroes, but appears increasingly confused and erratic. Finally, she admits that all she wanted was a true friend, something she has never had, and, having heard of Dick and Johnson's legendary bond of friendship, she had planned to bind the two to her side. The two sympathize and together they discuss how to establish relationships in a healthy, non-manipulative way, and how to be culturally sensitive when among people of different backgrounds. Jesus-lion Aslan agrees to spare the witch, if she withdraws the grasp of winter over the land at least for most of the year, and Dick and Johnson invite her to bring winter to the South for the appropriate season.