Bawdy Basement Belligerence

"**Bawdy Basement Belligerence**" (3x44) thumbnail featuring Marisha Ray and Ashley Johnson.

### Episode

Campaign Three,​ Episode 44
(C3E44)

### Transcript

Transcript

"**Bawdy Basement Belligerence**" (3x44) is the forty-fourth episode of the third campaign of *Critical Role*. Trapped in the basement of a fugitive, Bells Hells turn to chaos in an effort to escape their hunters and learn more about who leads their adversaries...

## **Synopsis**

### **Announcements**

* There's a practically empty table tonight as Taliesin Jaffe is still missing for the episode, and Sam Riegel is on remote at the Capital One Shopping Drift Track sportscasting a ~~race~~ drift between Ashley Johnson and Travis Willingham. New sponsor **Capital One Shopping** offers a free browser extension that finds coupons and deals when you shop online, making *you* the winner.
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### **Previously on *Critical Role***

*So, last we left off, Bells Hells here within the city of Yios, the City of Flowing Light, in search of information and individuals that they had been sent towards that are prominent members of the Grim Verity, that may be able to provide some answers to this growing Ruidus mystery. Upon searching them out, you also discovered that there are elements of the Vasselheim temples that have sent sentries and judicators across the city searching for, you presume, those who stole the secrets that the Grim Verity currently hold.*

*You also were assailed by a terrifying necromantic bird that seemed to be the long legendary Shithead that in the past had harried and chased this poor automaton. After killing it and watching it climb itself back up and then flying off into the distance, you began to seek out where Ebenold Kai may have been, being told that he had nor attended his classes and had abandoned his post as a professor for a number of months. You managed to ascertain the information by literally magically charming one of the figures who works at the Seminary. They guided you to where he supposedly lives, but the house seemed to be closed up and upon inspecting it, found that some elements of it were trapped and set up in a defensive way.*

*Some of you masqueraded as gardeners out front while the others stealthed their way in before letting you in. Upon searching the household, there were signs of life but no individual to be found until you discovered a hidden passageway behind the kitchen wall that led to a basement in which the figures within managed to escape, created an arcane circle and bamfed away. You gave chase and found yourselves within the fire elemental plane, specifically within the home laboratory of Planerider Ryn, who you met, along with Ebenold Kai and pretty much the current remaining members of the Grim Verity within the city that you know of, Dr. Baryn Vestisho as well. Here, you discovered some unique tidbits of hidden lore surrounding Ruidus, surrounding its creation, and surrounding the gods that no longer exist: the two that vanished [Vordo and Ethedok] in the long-sealed tomes of Vasselheim, and the entity responsible for devouring them, Predathos, the entity that supposedly was sealed away when the moon was created as its prison and sent beyond the boundaries of Exandria where it has slowly floated through the sky till this day. You also know that these strange machines, the one that you knew was being built within the Feywild long ago by a union between the Cerberus Assembly, Otohan Thull, and Ira Wendagoth, the Nightmare King. Apparently it is but one of three: one that exists in the Shadowfell, and one that exists here in Exandria within an excavation site that the Seminary was currently overlooking before it was forced to cede control to the Assembly in recent months.*

*Now, after discussing some possibilities on how to tackle any of these challenges with just a little over a week left before the solstice itself occurs, you were sent back into the basement of Ebenold Kai, and before you could exit out to see your next wave of fortunes, you heard a heavy impact from the inside of the house above, some footfalls, and some words. It seems the house is being stalked by individuals who are seeking others.*

### **Part I**

Hearing the voices and heavy footsteps from above, Laudna attempts to block the door with the immovable rod but since the door opens the wrong direction, it won't hold long. Chetney proposes they could all pretend they had been attacked, or they could all start fucking, like it was some crazy orgy. The party chooses the second option. They overhear conversation from above, indicating that some entity that is controlled by one of the voices saw them enter the premises. Chetney strips. Using *Detect Thoughts*, Imogen senses four presences above, one of which is moving extremely rapidly. Laudna has Pâté *Shapechange* into a spider and scout into the kitchen, where he finds a half-elf wielding a blade and an air elemental which almost immediately sucks Pâté in. Fearne strips.

The air elemental infiltrates under the basement door and Laudna rips off her blouse as Fresh Cut Grass shines spotlights on the party. Chetney runs up the stairs and transforms into werewolf form, as Orym (acting as a doorman) bars the elemental's way, saying, "Invite only." Imogen begins unbuttoning her vest as the rest of the party continues to try to convince the elemental it's interrupted either an orgy or the filming of a porno film. Eventually the half-elf enters as well, demanding to know what's going on. When he refuses to be put off, Orym uses his *Grasping Vines* to pull him down the stairs and stab him. A female wielding two blades also vaults down the stairs, hitting both Chetney and Orym, followed by a third heavy crossbow bearer who hits Chetney again. Imogen tries and fails to convince the attackers that this is a porno film set, but the half-elf notices the lightning marks on her arms and orders the others to "Take them! Now!" Imogen immediately *Misty Steps* to the top of the stairs and into the kitchen, followed by Laudna *Spider Climbing*.

Chetney, in wolf-form, runs up the stairs and throws the enemy at the top of the stairs down them, moving into the kitchen, but the air elemental darts up after them. The robed elementalist climbs to his feet and casts a *Cone of Cold*, hitting FCG and Fearne for full damage and Orym for half. Fearne transforms into a massive Clydesdale horse and clambers up the stairs but gets stuck at the doorway into the kitchen. FCG casts *Command* on all three enemies (to "Command") but it affects only the elementalist. Orym is able to use Bait and Switch to move FCG up onto the stairs while facing off against the rogue and the elementalist still at the bottom, but the rogue flips over them and runs out into the kitchen, attacking Chetney and hitting for sneak attack damage, mitigated by Laudna's *Silvery Barbs* forcing a reroll on the initial natural 20 attack roll. The third assailant pulls out his longsword and attacks Orym, then successfully reaches the top of the stairs.

Imogen Twin Spells *Psychic Lance*, incapacitating the rogue and severely injuring her. Chetney then attacks her with Turmoil in scythe form, bringing her to death's door. Fearne (still a horse) is finally able to get into the kitchen and kicks the crossbow-wielder back down the stairs as she goes, and he takes FCG down with him. As Fearne charges into the kitchen, Laudna goes prone to get out of her way but Chetney slams into the horse and halts her progress. Back at the bottom of the basement stairs, FCG sees the foe lying prone next to them and casts *Banishment* to send him to a demiplane and out of the battle. FCG hops to the top of the stairway and gives their new trusted companion, Laudna, a bonded blessing. However, they're starting to "get the jitters" - on their mood board they're crossing into the red.

Orym knows the gods are watching, since they've survived this long, and uses a *Grasping Vine* to Spiderman himself into the kitchen and attack the rogue, getting the How do you want to do this? Seeing this, the heavily wounded elementalist uses his orb to shoot a *Lightning Bolt* that heavily wounds Laudna, FCG, Chetney, and Fearne, knocking Fearne out of horse form. He then leaps out the window into the alleyway, lying dazed. Meanwhile, Imogen casts *Inflict Wounds* on the elemental, and Laudna sends spider-Pàté back into it, casting *Shocking Grasp* through the familiar. Though seriously damaged, the elemental is still up. Chetney leaps out into the alley and attacks the prone mage, knocking him out and throwing him back into the kitchen. The freed elemental flees after its attack on Imogen is negated by Laudna's *Silvery Barbs*.

Their enemies all unconscious, banished, or fled, Fresh Cut Grass casts *Spare the Dying* on the mage as they all take stock of the noise the battle has created in the residential neighborhood.

### **Break**

* **Capital One Shopping** free browser extension for online coupons and deals.
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### **Part II**

The party decides to take the mage with them and get out before the third assailant returns from *Banishment*. Fearne changes back into a horse; they throw the unconscious mage over her back, covered in curtains, and cautiously move out into the street and into the nearest alley. They successfully stealth to the mercantile Endeavor Ring. When the mage begins stirring, Chetney knocks him out and FCG casts *Spare the Dying* again. Imogen gets directions to the Eastward Docks, and when the mage stirs again, telepathically tells him to stop moving if he knows what's good for him. Eventually they find a small storage space with two young orcs loading a cart pulled by a panther-like jungle cat. When they leave, Chetney picks the lock and the party goes inside. As they pull the cover off the mage, he casts *Misty Step* into the street and starts running, but Imogen casts *Misty Step* as well and *Commands* him to stop. Back in the warehouse, Orym ties his hands together.

The mage is defiant and angry, but reveals that they'd been watching Ebenold Kai's house for some time. He assumes, since he found them there, that they are allies of the Grim Verity, and he won't answer their questions. Orym takes his components, Laudna *Banes* him, and FCG casts *Fast Friends* on him. Under its influence, he reveals he is a member of the Ruby Vanguard, a group whose goals are diametrically opposed to those of the Grim Verity. The party guesses the group is trying to release Predathos from its prison within Ruidus.

The mage explains that since the beginning of mortals' existence on Exandria, they have been under the control of the deities. The Ruby Vanguard dreams of a future where mortals can be free of this control, by restoring the natural balance and unleashing the natural predator of those beings who call themselves gods. Their leader developed these beliefs and has been instrumental in creating the plans that will come to fruition at the apogee solstice, but the mage is reluctant to reveal his name. Imogen asks if they're working with Otohan Thull, and he will say only she's been "rather instrumental" to their organization.

When Orym mentions Ira Wendagoth, Imogen telepathically detects the mage's distrust of Ira and that their leader may still be in the area. She sees flashes of an older, handsome, stoic elvish man with long silver hair. Imogen asks the mage where this leader is, and is told he's probably handling "the keys". She sees mental flashes of three large machines similar to the Veilscatter Scope: in the Feywild, the Shadowfell, and under construction in a sandy hollow amongst ruins. Chetney searches him again and finds he is wearing glyph-inscribed bracers that FCG *Identifies* as Bracers of Defense.

The mage reveals his compatriot Genomia had been watching the house, as they'd been searching for Ebenold Kai for some time. Imogen asks how they know that once Predathos devours the gods it will be satiated, and is told it only feeds on divinity. Their leader knows this, because he speaks with it, and "When the shark finishes eating the fish, it doesn't go after the plankton." Imogen is worried about what would happen to the souls of the dead, if the gods weren't around. Orym asks what all of this has to do with Zephrah and gets a whisper on his insight check.

The party briefly talks about what information they still need and what they should do next. They ask again where his leader is, and suggest the reason he doesn't know is that he's just not that important in the organization. Nettled and furious, the mage reveals his own name, Tuldus, and eventually reveals the leader's name is Da'leth, but Imogen telepathically confirms he really doesn't know his current location. FCG suggests he feels this way because of trauma in his past, and Imogen reads his emotional wounds from being punished for lack of piety and lack of religious focus, and forced to pray for hours. She begins to sympathize, and to rethink their plan to kill him after the questioning, but they can't figure out an alternative. Eventually, Imogen suggests *Sending* to Planerider Ryn to see if she'd take him, and all agree that's a good idea.

Ryn is indeed interested and immediately appears when they describe the warehouse. She casts a spell on Tuldus that convinces him to hand over his bracers, and advises the party to keep a low profile since one of their attackers is still free and alive. She also identifies the mysterious machines being built as the "Malleus Keys". When she asks Tuldus which machine is the most vulnerable, he suggests there is growing tension between the Cerberus Assembly and the Unseelie Court. He knows nothing about the one in the Shadowfell.

The party asks Ryn to transport them to the Feywild and she agrees, but they're still missing Ashton. Ryn goes off for cheesesteaks, and the party takes an hour's short rest to recover health and spell slots. FCG reminds them he's feeling jittery today and maybe they should go to the Feywild without him. He'd like to talk to the people in town who can tell him more about his identity. But they have to find Ashton first. Once recovered, Imogen casts *Sending* to Ashton telling them "shit is going down," and they need to meet up and leave town, stat.

## **Featured characters**

### **Bells Hells**

* ~~Ashton Greymoore~~ *(absent)*
* Chetney Pock O'Pea
* Fearne Calloway
* Fresh Cut Grass
* Imogen Temult
* Laudna
	+ Pâté de Rolo
* Orym

### **New**

* Genomia, a member of the Ruby Vanguard
* Tuldus, a member of the Ruby Vanguard

### **Mentioned**

* Baryn Vestisho
* Ebenold Kai
* Ira Wendagoth
* Landon Kreshawl
* Ludinus Da'leth
* Mani Drogidon
* Marion Lavorre
* The Matron of Ravens
* Ollie and Birdie Calloway
* Otohan Thull
* Predathos

## **Quotations**

* **FCG**: We are sexual deviants, it's true.
Chetney: That's our LLC name.
* **Tuldus**: There are many gears in motion to free the chains that have bound every mortal life since the beginning of time on this planet innumerable. We walk in the shadows of the supposed creators and have since the very beginning. Imagine if we all had the freedom to walk as we wish, undriven by fate, untethered by the wheels of things that came far before we did and have lost the right to call themselves gods.
* **Orym**: You want us to be free. You want a clean slate.
Tuldus: Don't you?
Orym: Are you talking about wiping out the gods?
Tuldus: *We're* not going to. We're only letting nature run its course by setting free their natural predator. [...] We have been their toys since we were given purpose. The minute one of us ascended to their position, they've quaked and feared us. We are not their beautiful children. We are their food. We are their power.
* **Tuldus**: If you could put in a good word for me, I'd really appreciate it. I want to try and impress them on the way up the ladder.
Ryn: *(kindly)* I'll do my best, you sweet, sweet darling. *(to the party)* What a fucking idiot.

## **Trivia**

* This was the 300th regular campaign episode of *Critical Role*: 115 in Campaign One, 141 in Campaign Two, and 44 (to date) in Campaign Three.
* Taliesin Jaffe was absent for this episode.
* The in-game date at the end of this episode was still 8 Fessuran 843. The apogee solstice will take place in 13 to 15 days.
* Sam's jerrycan has a picture of FCG, with an actual tongue attached, labelled "IT'S CANON!".

## **References**

1. ↑ The "Factorum Malleus", or "Creator Hammer" was the name of an experimental Aeorian research project which the gods deemed too dangerous and which caused them to destroy the city.  See "The Genesis Ward" (2x135) at 2:15:55.  "Malleus" is Latin for "hammer".
2. ↑ See "**Bawdy Basement Belligerence**" (3x44) from 15:05 through 15:30.  Ashley makes the mistake of touching the tongue…

**Art:**

1. ↑ Fan art of the naked Fearne holding *Produce Flame*, by Kayla (source). Used with permission.
2. ↑ Fan art of escaping the cellar, by Lap Pun Cheung (source). Used with permission.
3. ↑ Fan art of Planerider Ryn, by Kiera James (source). Used with permission.