The Eddie Lawrence Show

A Hi-Tops Audio production from 2009 with a bonus DVD animated by Tom Lynch and Renegade; as part of its wildly popular Audible Adventures line, it follows Eddie Lawrence, Phillip J. Philly Phil and Madison S.P. from The Class of 3000 as they put on a Lawrence Welk-style ballroom show complete with a pair of special guest stars (Kim the Klown, The Cutest Tooter and Kam the Clown, Super-Duper Tooter) and commercial breaks.

## The Tracklisting/DVD Scenes

1. The Show Starts
2. Kim-Kam Jam
3. Madison the Vegan Farter's Electronic Handheld Whoopee Cushion
4. Back To The Show
5. Kim the Klown
6. Kim the Klown's Handheld Whoopee Machine
7. Back to The Show Again
8. Kam the Klown
9. Kam the Klown's Ultimate Whoopee Machine
10. 'Til We Meet Again

## The Transcript

* ("My Mentor" plays.)
* EDDIE: Hey, y'all! My name is Eddie Lawrence and this is my show on ETV Channel 3, all Eddie, all the time!
* PHILLY: Welcome to The Eddie Lawrence Show! I'm Philly and I'm so happy to see all of you!
* MADISON: Yo, this is Madison S.P. and I'm super-excited to see all of YOU, our adoring fans!
* (We hear a crowd cheering.)
* EDDIE: Mics on?
* PHIL: Check! Lights on?
* MADISON: Check! Curtains up?
* EDDIE: Check! Let the program begin!
* (The crowd cheers and claps.)
* PHIL: Please welcome our special guests, the Chin siblings, with their famous piano duet, "Kim-Kam Jam!"
* (We hear applause.)
* KIM: Hi! My name is Kim and I love singing, especially with my xylophone, my piano and my tambourine!
* KAM: Hi! My name is Kam and I **LOVE** to sing as I play piano!
* KIM: This piano duet is...you guessed it...my first piano song! Now, I love piano and I love to sing as much as I love my talented singing pianist brother!
* (The Chin siblings play their piano duet, then the three kid hosts applaud.)
* KAM: Thank you! Thank you!
* KIM: We really love you! Mmuah! Mmuah!
* EDDIE: That was The Kim-Kam Jam!
* MADISON: Wow, you guys!
* PHIL: After these messages, we'll come right back!
* ("My Mentor" plays.)
* PHIL: I've got a crush on Madison, you know, The Vegan Farter! She may be considered shocking, but she'll get me all the time! Introducing Madison the Vegan Farter's Electronic Handheld Whoopee Cushion! Just hit the buttons for vegan farts like "The Cauliflower Stalker..."
* (A string of tiny farts ending with a big, loud blow)
* PHIL: "The Broccoli Bomb..."
* (A long, drawn-out fart reminiscent of a groan after an incredibly corny joke.)
* PHIL: "The Cabbage Crusher..."
* (Rapid fire farts that end with a squeak and a hiss)
* EDDIE: Only $10 at Bullseye, $5 at Jay-Mart and $4 at Flormart!
* PHIL: And now, back to The Eddie Lawrence Show...
* EDDIE: ...hosted by me, Eddie Lawrence Number 3!
* MADISON: Please welcome Kim the Klown!
* (applause)
* KIM THE KLOWN: Hey, this is Kim the Klown! Originally, I was from the Black 'n' White Ball, but when I chose not to have frightfully kooky headgear as part of my outfit, it made me who I really am: the world's cutest tooter, complete with black X's on my cheeks and a black polka-dot on my nose! (She toots a squeaky fart.) Whoops! That slipped out. (tittering)
* MADISON: (with a covered face) Your toots may linger, but they get me all the time! (with an uncovered face) As a vegan farter, I approve of you!
* KIM THE KLOWN: Thank you, Madi!
* MADISON: You're welcome, Kimmy!
* KIM: (really squeaky toot) That needs oil.
* PHIL: (with a covered face, chuckling) Good one!
* KIM: Thank you, Philly!
* PHIL: You're most welcome, Kimmy!
* KIM: (croaky toot and coughing) Sorry about the leak.
* EDDIE: That's Kim the Klown, everybody! Give the world's cutest tooter a big hand!
* (applause)
* PHIL: Commercial breaktime!
* MADISON: Ever wished you could have Kim the Klown, The World's Cutest Tooter, wherever you go?
* EDDIE: Now, you can!
* PHIL: Introducing Kim the Klown's Handheld Whoopee Machine!
* MADISON: Hit the buttons for Kimmy's most delightful toots!
* EDDIE: Although I'm not a fan of toots though they make me beet red in the face...
* PHIL AND MADISON: You'll love Kim the Klown's Handheld Whoopee Machine!
* PHIL: There's the Croaky Cougher...(croaky toot and coughing)
* MADISON: The Wet, Windy One...(wet toot)
* PHIL: The Hairspray Hisser...(SBD hiss)
* MADISON: Plus three others!
* EDDIE: Only $10 at Bullseye, $5 at Jay-Mart and $4 at Flormart!
* MADISON: And now, back to the show!
* EDDIE: Hosted by the one and only me, Eddie Lawrence!
* MADISON: This next act dresses like his sis, complete with ruffly collar, a little black nose and black X's on his cheeks!
* PHIL: Give it up for Kam the Klown, Super-Duper Tooter!
* (Applause)
* KAM: Yo, everybody out there! This is Kam the Klown and I'm a super-duper tooter! (really wet fart) Whoops, pardon me!
* PHIL: How about checking yourself?
* KAM: I'm perfectly perfect just the way I am! (long squeaky fart) You can blame that on my sis!
* MADISON: Whoa, you rock!
* KAM: Thanks, Madi!
* MADISON: You're welcome, Kammy!
* KAM: (long fart) Did I split my pants?
* PHIL: Nah, that was just a toot!
* KAM: Oh; I get it. (He cracks up!)
* EDDIE: That's Kam the Klown, everyone! Give the tooter a big hand!
* (applause)
* MADISON: We'll be right back after this message.
* EDDIE: Do you wish that you'd have Kam the Klowne everywhere that you go? Introducing Kam the Klown's Ultimate Whoopee Machine!
* NOTE: More of Kam the Klown's Ultimate Whoopee Machine and signoff segment coming up! TBC!