Charlie Bucket VS Charlie Brown

**Charlie Bucket VS Charlie Brown** is the 7th episode Ultra Mega Diss Tracks on the Cob! It features Charlie Bucket from *Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory* and Charlie Brown from *The Peanuts* in a battle of Charlies in kid's material!

**Battle Length**: 2:05

## Dissers

*[All characters are played by Bob-Crust!]*

### **Team Charlie Bucket:**

* Charlie Bucket
* Grandpa Joe
* Augustus Gloop
* Violet Beauregarde
* Veruca Salt
* Mike Teavee
* Willy Wonka
* Oompa Loompas

### **Team Charlie Brown:**

* Charlie Brown
* Linus Van Pelt
* Peppermint Patty
* Marcie
* Lucy Van Pelt
* Sally Brown
* Snoopy
* Teacher

## Lyrics

### **Charlie Bucket - Verse 1:**

I’m Charlie Bucket, if you didn’t know that you can suck it!

I’m the owner of the Willy Wonka Chocolate Factory, puck it!

You’re so insecure as you look like a horse, neigh

And you’re so unlikable, you’ll make my Grandpa say:

You can do less than the things I understand at a mall

I bet you get called ugly more times than you’ve kicked a Football!

I’m in my nineties and I can still dance around and sing

While you can’t even Ice Skate, it makes me mentally scream!

### **Charlie Brown - Verse 1:**

Good grief, I’ve gotten myself into some real beef

But, That doesn’t mean I’m gonna lose, chief!

Don’t try to mess with me, your family is poor

You can barely afford a chocolate bar, horror! (OH!)

Also, You keep saying that I can’t do anything, not a score!

While the only thing you do is grabbing some water, then you pour!

And I look like a horse? You look like Barney!

And you are heavier that your Grandpa’s… bar knee! (Hee!)

### **Charlie Bucket - Verse 2:**

Oh man, you better stop messing around!

That verse seriously just made me frown!

Just stop trying, I’ll beat you down town!

Let’s see how happy you are when my friends come around!

(Oop-) I’m Augustus Gloop and you smell like poop!

And you frown so far, faster than I can eat my chocolate bars!

(Yeah!) I’m a gum-chewing, candy-swallowing, super machine!

And your raps are slower than me using the latrine!

I’m Veruca Salt, I get whatever I want!

And what I want is for you to get out cause you’re a c\*nt!

I’m Mike Teavee, I’ve seen your specials on my screen!

And they suck more than the first time I had a green bean!

And you can’t succeed, because with our lines crushed your dreams!

Beating you will be as easy as Veruca being mean! (Wait, WHAT!?)

Me and my incredible luck will make this clean…

And easy. Against this Big-Headed Bobble, I’ll call you Gene!

### **Charlie Brown - Verse 2:**

Oh come on, that verse was the wackest!

And I have friends too, this’ll be a wack-fest!

I’m Linus, I’ll cause this battle to be finished!

Because I’m handsome and lovable, will my soft blanket-roll!

I think I might be going crazy, because all I see is a bunch of moles!

Oh wait, that’s you guys… well we’ll beat you faster than the man collects your tolls!

I’m Peppermint Patty! You guys are looking a bit ratty!

I’m as likable as a freaking Krabby Patty! (Yeah!)

And Veruca, you talk so much, it hurts my core!

And Augustus, you have more inside you than an entire Walmart store!

Listen to her, she knows what she’s talking about!

But, I bet Mike doesn’t since he’s busy playing Battle Bouts!

And Violet, how about you get a life and stop chewing gum!

And start doing something helpful, ya’ bum!

And I’m Lucy! Augustus, your fatter than a booth seat!

Teavee, how about you spend some time with your family!

And Veruca, your always madder than an entire cavalry!

And Grandpa Joe, I hope you suffocate in some snow!

And again with you, Charlie Bucket!

You and your wacky crew all look like puppets!

You better cry, because you’re outnumbered! (Yeah!)

And you guys need a heavier diet, eat some cucumbers!

### **Charlie Bucket - Verse 3:**

We might be outnumbered, but not for long!

Prepare to be finished, as you hear the song! (OH!)

What do you get from some large-headed kids!

That smell so bad, making people pop off lids!

Do you get some healthy kids or…

Do you get some rotten peanut-smelling misfits! (Oh!)

I’m Willy Wonka, the Wild Ol’ Gene!

Messing up kids from their head to their jeans!

I’m the chocolate man, I’m a famous man!

I’m a 1st Grade teachers favorite movie, man!

I make gravity-defying candy, I’m a scientist!

With a higher IQ than Einstein, I can give you all a Skin Test!

And trust me, my factories safer than a Bullet Vest!

So, please. Go in there and di-, I mean begin your quest!

### **Charlie Brown - Verse 3:**

You keep bringing adults! Well we have those too!

Bring in the Teacher! So they can diss you!

Wuwuh wawa wuhwahuh wahuh!

She said for all of you to go home and “waha” off a bridge!

We heard you got those Golden Tickets…

By Cheating, Luck and some Slave Plantations! Ya bigots!

We won, we beat you and you better believe you lost this fight!

Which for Grandpa Joe, that’s in about 2 years, that bites! (YOOOOOOOOO!!)