Kill or Kick

An old Roommate of Space Tree's returns, and ST is not happy. In fact, he's kind of a dick.

## Transcript

*{cut to the Ship's Control Room with Space Tree and Allon, holding a towel with GS written on it}*

**ALLON:** Hey Space Tree, I found this monogrammed towel *{holds up monogrammed towel}* in the air ducts. I think it belongs to the guy who used to crawl around in there, you know that Ghostish Spider.

**SPACE TREE:** Lemme see that. *{cut to GS on the towel}* No, it belongs to me. *{cut back to view of Space Tree and Allon}* It's just a typo, you see, these letters are supposed to be ST, for Space Tree. And what would Ghost Spider want a towel for anyway? He's a Ghost... and a spider.

**ALLON:** Well, I just called him on the Space Phone, and he said that it is his, and he's coming here right now to pick it up. Right now.

**SPACE TREE:** Oh well that's just great. Now I have to go and seal up all the doors and windows.

*{he leaves, revealing the Commander behind him}*

**COMMANDER:** Ghost Spider is coming here? Why didn't you tell me? I better go put on some make-up. I mean, I better go and wait for him ... over there.

*{Camera pans over to a sign with "make-up room" written on it, he goes there}*

**ALLON:** Man those guys are nuts. *{changes his voice}* I agree Allon, they are nuttier than a nut bush. *{voice back to normal}* Shut up, Allon!

*{Cut to Space Tree with a hammer near a crappily boarded-up window.}*

**SPACE TREE:** There, this should stop him from barging into Space Tree's territory.

*{somehow Ghost Spider materializes out of nowhere.}*

**GHOST SPIDER:** Hey, Space Tree, what's up? What are you building, a clubhouse or something?

**SPACE TREE:** Alright, *{drops hammer and picks up towel}* take your stupid towel *{throws it}* and get out.

**GHOST SPIDER:** *{removes towel off of his face}* H-hey, take it easy, Space Tree. You wanna hang out or something? *{pan out}* It's been so long.

**COMMANDER:** *{pokes his head out from the right side of the screen, apparently has makeup and a bow tie on}* Hey, Ghost Spider, do you, uh, *{close up, straightens bow}* remember me?

**GHOST SPIDER:** Oh. Hey Commander.

**COMMANDER:** Oh my God, he remembered my name!

**GHOST SPIDER:** Hey Commander, did you hear how I arrested those Anti-Space terrorists?

**COMMANDER:** *{kneels before Ghost Spider}* Oh my God, you gotta tell me.

**GHOST SPIDER:** Well, I was in space-

**SPACE TREE:** Oh come on, *{close up}* who hasn't arrested terrorists? It's not a big deal.

**COMMANDER:** *{stands up to Space Tree}* Shut your treehole, Space Tree, he's talking!

**SPACE TREE:** Whatever, I'll be in the...suicide room. *{walks offscreen}*

**GHOST SPIDER:** Jeez, Is Space Tree still mad about the time I didn't invite him to my New Year's Eve party?

**COMMANDER:** *{kneeling, holding one of Ghost Spider's legs}* I think he's just retarded, *{bows head}* my *liege*.

**GHOST SPIDER:** Well it was pretty harsh the way that I kicked him out. I should buy him a birthday present to make up for- Did you just call me "your liege"?

**COMMANDER:** Well... do you want me to call you that?

*(enter Allon)*

**ALLON:** Hey, Ghost Spider, I was just walking past Space Tree's room, and I overheard him plotting to kill you!

**GHOST SPIDER:** He wants to kill me? Well, that seems rather extreme...

**ALLON:** Well, it was either "kill" or "kick". He wasn't plotting very loudly.

**GHOST SPIDER:** Well, I guess it's time for Plan B. I've tried my best to be nice to him, and now I think it's time we teach him a lesson about re-spect.

**COMMANDER:** But what about that birthday present? Sir.

**GHOST SPIDER:** That's part of the plan, Commander. Here's what we're gonna do. Allon, you better listen closely to this as well.

**ALLON:** Yes, sir, Ghost Spider. Why don't you just talk into my hat? *(he leans over so GS can do said talking into)*

**GHOST SPIDER:** Well, I see no harm in that.

*(cut to ST's super-room; every word Ghost Spider says is being broadcast into the room)*

**GHOST SPIDER:** *(voice)* I'll just talk into your hat, then. So, here's what we're gonna do...

**SPACE TREE:** *(talking over his plan)* Yes, talk into his hat, Ghost Spider. Little do you know that I'm hearing your every word thanks to my in-gen-ious plan-creating machine. *(pan up to the "Planomatrizzle 1999")* I have a way better plan than you, and I'm going to expose your super-villainous ways if it's the last thing I do!

**GHOST SPIDER:** ... and that's my plan!

**SPACE TREE:** Oh, what?! I wasn't ready!

*(cut back to the others)*

**COMMANDER:** Wow, Gee Spizzle. That plan is perfect. There's no way it can fail.

**GHOST SPIDER:** Yep. Luckily, I anticipated that I'd be planning something, and bought these gifts for Space Tree in advance.

*(enter Space tree)*

**SPACE TREE:** Hey, uh... can you guy repeat what you were just talking about, before?

**GHOST SPIDER:** Why?

**SPACE TREE:** Uh, no reason.

**GHOST SPIDER:** Well, while you're here, *(reaches to presents to him)* happy birthday, Space Tree.

**SPACE TREE:** Whoa, I certainly wasn't expecting that.

**GHOST SPIDER:** Well you deserve it, ST.

*(Space Tree holds a pair of socks, apparently they were inside the present)*

**SPACE TREE:** Oh, a pair of socks. Oh-ho. Yeah, that's reeeal funny. Was this supposed to be some kind of ironic joke? *(throws the socks away, begins poking GS with his branch)* Well you can ironically take this and shove it up...

**GHOST SPIDER:** Oh, wait, wait. Open the other box.

*(Space Tree does so)*

**SPACE TREE:** Look at this, you got me... a pair of feet.

**GHOST SPIDER:** So? do you like them?

*(cut to Space Trees Face, or trunk or whatever)*

**SPACE TREE:** Do I like them? *(louder)* DO I LIKE THEM? *(the word "THIS" appears white on red)* THIS... *(cut back to normal view and voice, Space tree has a tear on his trunk and the background is pink)* ... is the most thoughtful gift I've ever received. *(hugs Ghost Spider)* I love you Ghost Spider.

**GHOST SPIDER:** Hey... It was, no problem.

**COMMANDER:** Way to go Ghost Spider Sir. The Plan want off without a hatch.

**SPACE TREE:** The Plan? Without a hatch? You mean I was all part of you sick little game?

**GHOST SPIDER:** No, I was just...

**SPACE TREE:** I should have known. That's it Ghost Spider, it's time for me to execute MY plan. *(gets out the Staple Gun)*

*{matrix-y flying scene with the Commander}*

**COMMANDER:** Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

*(he crashes on the ground)*

**COMMANDER:** I'm sorry my liege, I have failed you.

**GHOST SPIDER:** Seriously, stop calling me that.

*(one plan later) (some wind-noised in the background)*

*(cut to Space Tree (with the feet and socks on) and Ghost Spider (with a footprint on his body, apparently he was kicked by ST)*

**GHOST SPIDER:** Well I gotta hand it to you, Space Tree, your plan to kick me went off without a hutch. Starsky and Hutch, that is.

**SPACE TREE:** Yes, it was really a brilliant plan.

*(Cut to Ghost Spider)*

**GHOST SPIDER:** It's just too bad that I couldn't teach you to respect me. Looks like things will have to stay the way they are.

*(cut to Space Tree)*

**SPACE TREE:** Well, that's not true. I really feel like our relationship has changed over the last couple of minutes.

*(Cut to initial view of Space McTree and Ghostish Spider}*

**GHOST SPIDER:** Oh, yeah?

**SPACE TREE:** That's right. Now I hate you more than ever, you son of a bitch!

*(Roll fake credits)*

**GHOST SPIDER:** Well, wait a second. Why? I mean, I got you a freaking birthday present.

*(cut to Space Tree)*

**SPACE TREE:** Well, that doesn't change the fact that you are my arch-nemesis, Ghost Spider.

*(Cut to Ghost Spider)*

**GHOST SPIDER:** What? But I'm like, a superhero. And that would make you a supervillain, which clearly, you are not.

*(Cut to Space Tree)*

**SPACE TREE:** Yeah, super*her*o, more like, super...**fear**-o! Because you're afraid. *(laughs)* *(Cut to initial view of ST and GS)* But seriously, I don't like you.

*(Pan over to reveal that CX is behind GS)*

**COMMANDER:** I like you, Ghost Spider.

**GHOST SPIDER:** *(mad)* Alright, it's time for me to go.

**COMMANDER:** I'll write to you every day!

**GHOST SPIDER:** *(Comes in from bottom)* Please don't.

*(Roll end credits)*

## Easter Eggs

* Click on the ST-Icon on the right of the end screen to watch the Commander's flying scene backwards.

*{The matrix-y flying scene in reverse.}*

**COMMANDER:** *{in reverse, obviously}* Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooon!!!

* Click between the replay and the menu button to see a deleted scene about Space Tree's Plan, but it has no lip-syncing

### Easter Egg Transcript

*(cut to the scene after the Commanders matrix-scene, a message appears: THIS SCENE HAS BEEN CUT DUE TO BUDGETARY REASONS)*

**COMMANDER:** I'm sorry my liege, I have failed you.

**GHOST SPIDER:** Seriously, stop calling me that.

*(cut to Space Tree)*

**SPACE TREE:** Prepare to feel the burning wrath of my excellent plan.

*(cut to Allon, blood comes out of his hat)*

**ALLON:** Ah, speaking of burning, can I take this microphone out of my hat now, Space Tree? It's kinda hot and I think uhm, my skin is melting.

**SPACE TREE:** No, you leave it in there, now everyone...

**GHOST SPIDER:** What the hell Allon, you are wearing a wire? I can't believe you would betray me like that.

**ALLON:** I'm sorry Ghost Spider, I had no choice. Space Tree threatened to raise my rent again.

**SPACE TREE:** Yes, yes but that was a different plan. This is plan C now, alright? so shut up! Time for the plan. Jesus!

## Fun Facts

* The Control Panel of Space Tree's Ship has a Caps Lock key. ONLY a caps lock key.
* Forescore Jones is off to the side after the "one plan later" (you need to resize your browser window)

## References

* "Shut up, Allon!"
	+ This is an obvious running gag that happened in Harassin' Assassin that continued on here.
* This is the second time in the series that Space Tree kicked Ghost Spider.