Bad Romance

The Acolytes in Sexy Tights rescue the village of Erodys from Hedonia Hartz and Valentina Lovemoon.

## Major Plot Points

* The party set sail on their way to the Lagonna Fields where they will try to recruit Theros' centaurs into the army of the living. They docked at the city of Erodys. They immediately saw that Erodys was in a state of chaos. People were skinny-dipping in the harbor. Citizens ran naked in the streets. Businesses were shuttered and temples were vandalized.
* The party went to the only open tavern called Nip Slips, which was recently called Murphy's. Holy Lady Labya was disgusted by the sin she witnessed. Tinny Abernathy was the group's waitress. When Muchomucho M Amor ordered buttered nipples, she sent over shirtless staff with literal buttered nipples. Rory "The Mane Attraction" Sharptooth ordered two cum shots, which Tinny had to milk out of Old Gregory who was very tired. SBG3 and Rory took part in the debauchery and tried the cuisine. Both of them went into a state of revelry.
* An annoyed and repulsed Barbara Duke questioned Tinny to find out what was going on. Tinny was elusive at first but opened up after Aryan Grande applied some heat to the conversation. Tinny said a couple came to town a few weeks ago and poured a magical potion into the town's main well, which was behind the tavern. This made the Erodys citizens want to party and enjoy life in the face the Queen Nekros' apocalypse and to procreate to replace those being lost.
* Barb talked the group's way into the shuttered Poseidra temple. Oracle Seabreeze Poole deduced the well was the source of the problem because the temple's well was blessed and that neutralized poisons, diseases, and potions. She knew of a new "love" temple built nearby and marked it on the party's map. Her temple was caring for those hiding from crazed partiers, hungover celebrators, and those suffering from new STIs.
* Knowing the group needed a virgin's heart for the godkiller potion, Labya asked the oracle if she should remove her virginal heart and replace it with another. SBG3, despite being intoxicated and under the influence of the celebration potion, constructed a working iron heart. Labya stayed conscious during the procedure to help guide the oracle and her priestesses through it. The operation was a success. The temple workers lost faith in Poseidra since she failed to protect Erodys. They now worship Labya based on the faith she had in herself and that she survived such a treacherous ordeal.
* The party rallied around the idea of helping Labya ascend into godhood after they make a "god slot available" by killing Phaenax for Erebos or using the extra godkiller potion the god of the dead promised them on another deity. Labya sees herself as the goddess Timeless Beauty who fights a holy war against Grandfather Clock (a being no party member could remember from any lore or legend).
* The party made their way to the new temple called the Phallus Palace the following morning. Muchomucho unlocked the entrance by correctly answering the question, "What is the equation for love?" with "You + Me = Us." Barb's guess was incorrect a cherub statue shot her with an arrow.
* Inside the temple's chapel, the party found an oracle of Phaenax and an oracle of Karametra sacrificing a virgin. At Rory's strong insistence, they attacked the temple workers. Labya eliminated one with a guiding bolt. Dikarus Bottombane cut one down with an arrow.
* SBG3 used his reanimator stone to talk to the virgin boy who was sacrificed. The boy wished to stay dead and asked the party to tell his mother Tinny he loved her. Aryan grabbed the jar of virgin hearts.
* The next room was a dating game where the party had to answer the questions of a mysterious bachelor. Their answers proved unsatisfactory to the fussy bachelor until Aryan charmed him with her magic. The bachelor revealed himself as a nothic. He fled the temple and left behind the key to the next chamber.
* A bard's cancellation almost ruined the party in the next room. Aryan, Labya, Muchomucho, and Rory took the stage and performed for the awkward singles. Dikarus and SBG3 got the dancing started. Barb started hot gossip to stir up passionate love affairs and jealous rages.
* The party found a hallway where a treasure chest filled with date night necessities (lube, a sexy oracle costume, wine, body glitter, and fuzzy handcuffs) was stored.
* Barb accidentally activated a trap leading to the temple's staircase. A bunch of hard candies shaped like hearts fell on her.
* In the magic laboratory, the party found a mage who created "the perfect date." It was a being made out of the parts of several men. He called his creation Richard Day. Richard was angry that Rory was wearing his sexy oracle costume and that he was stretching it. A battle ensued and Dikarus killed the mad mage. Aryan used her magic to make Richard submit. SBG3 used a control rod to free Richard. Unfortunately, Richard didn't understand metaphors so, when he was told to live with an open mind and heart, he ripped open his own chest and head. Aryan added Richard's virgin heart to her jar.
* The next room had a vase filled with love letters from secret admirers. The party had to match the notes to a party member.
	+ Is that me in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? (SBG3)
	+ Violets are blue. I’m happy we met. I fell for you. You make me wet. (Sybil)
	+ My bones might be stiff, but I’ll make you stiffer. (Barb)
	+ With you, I’m no longer lost. I pray we aren’t star crossed. (Mucho)
	+ I like a long sword. I love a thick dagger. With you, I’ll be gored. I fell for your swagger. (Dikarus)
	+ You’re of good breeding. You’re what I’m needing. So lets get loud and proud. (Aryan)
	+ When I’m on my back, you’ve got me between a rock and a hard place. (Clows)
* The next room housed a group of brunching lesbians. In order to move forward, the party had to beat them in the brunch games.
	+ Aryan successfully carried several mimosas to the table.
	+ Barb successfully out-Karened her opponent.
	+ Rory brought full pates to the table.
	+ SBG3 won the eating contest.
	+ Labya won the drinking contest.
	+ SBG3 correctly figured out the bill.
* In order to get to the final level, the party had to traverse a hallway filled with hot liquid chocolate with floating strawberries. Muchomucho teleported across. Dikarus backflipped across. The rest of the party fell into the chocolate lava. Barb healed herself and Aryan healed the party.
* The party confronted Hedonia Hartz, a satyr worshipper of Phaenax, and Valentina Lovemoon, an eladrin worshipper of Karametra. Their twisted faiths led them to believe Queen Nekros was bringing the end of the world so people should party while they can and make babies to ensure humanoid society wasn't completely destroyed.
* The duo were more lovers than fighters. Their magic made Rory dance uncontrollably. Muchomucho's demonic ape killed Hedonia. Unfortunately, he lost control of his summoned demon. Labya successfully banished the demon back to the abyss. After Barb made Valentina flee out of fright, Aryan killed her with a crossbow bolt. Their private chamber held ingredients for an antidote to the party potion.
* Back in Erodys, the party used Muchomucho's antidote to cleanse the well. They brought Tinny's dead son back to her. Sadly, Labya's hubris got the better of her and Tinny was insulted when the half-orc spit on her instead of seeing it as a blessing. SBG3 spat on her too because he thought it was classy. Tinny called for the city's guard but Rory knocked her out before they could hear her. The Acolytes rushed out of town.