Nightcrawlers (NO GIRLS ALLOWED)

**WARNING: IF YOU HAVE NOT BEEN GIVEN STRICT PERMISSION TO VIEW THIS PAGE BY A FELLOW CRAWLER, THEN YOU ARE AIDING IN THE SPREADING OF NIGHTCRAWLER SECRETS.**

**THIS IS A FEDERAL CRIME PUNISHABLE BY LETHAL INJECTION. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.**

## Overview -  UT SERPERE EST VIVET

Who are WE to Crawl?

What gives US the right?

In the opening moments of the stellar cycles, many godly forces were launched out of the anus of time and space. When the sphere of Nightcrawlia formed out of molten Weis brand CoLa, a mystical show of order and chaos danced itself all around the landscape. The spectacular Crawlers emerged as follows:

1. The Pacifier
2. The Gargantuan
3. The Trickster
4. The Goblin King
5. The Giant
6. The Boy
7. The Squatter

Other Famous Surface Locals include:

1. The Bucket Night
2. The Wagon Man
3. The Hundred Soup Men
4. ㄒ卄乇 丂ㄒ尺卂几Ꮆㄥ乇尺

## Thou Rules of Nightcrawler

1. YOU MAY NEVER TURN ON THE LIGHTS

2. No women are allowed under any circumstances (that includes animals)

3.“Thou RUles of Nightcrawler” and the “The Rules of Gay (for men)” must be read before every round of nightcrawlers.

4. There is a fine line between objecting to things going too far and being a little bitch. Find this line.  Being a little bitch includes but is not limited to:

Threatening to break the rules

Breaking the rules to achieve a selfish goal

Complaining

Getting angry at someone for simply exercising their rights as a nightcrawler

5. Nightcrawlers must be played in the night before all crawlers go to sleep. Anyone caught leaving the crawl and going home before sleep could be attempting to spread nightcrawler secrets, which is of course, gay.

6. If choosing to engage one sexually, all rules of gay apply. Take this into consideration.

7. Keep your pants and at least a tank top on. No one wants to see that. You also cannot whip out your Richard Johnson at any time.

8. Cuddling, hugging, or dry humping other men for more than 2 seconds is not tolerated.

9. Do not use the time in the dark to simply beat your fellow man with a pillow, fist, or foot.

10. Every crawler must be assigned and act out their class. See UT SERPERE EST VIVET

11. Murder is perhaps the gayest thing a nightcrawler can do, followed closely by dying.

13. Any alliances and treaties are welcome in verbal form only.

14. Caressing of hair should only be used to identify others, and becomes gay after 5 seconds.

15. If one wishes to flail, (which can only be done in self defence in their own bedding), they must give a warning that is clearly verbalised and counted down in three full seconds.

16. No excreting matter of any kind.

17. Backs arched, tanks tucked, and socks pulled is the ideal way to perform a successful crawl. This method is not required, yet HIGHLY advised.

18. If the peter’s peeping fluids after the adam’s apple spatially, then the goods are all good.

19. No tickling.

20. No bees.

The direct breaking of any one of these rules results in the perpetrator being gay af.

## The Rules of Gay (for men)

1. Always say no homo (must be verbal)
2. Keep the socks on
3. Shoes, slippers, and other solid, non malleable foot attire are unwelcome
4. Suck, don't swallow
5. Keep the lights on
6. Keep the doors open
7. No girls can be present (girls like men and that's gay)
8. If you put a piece of bread on the lips of both parties, a manwich is formed, thus keeping the lips apart and the gay levels minimum
9. If a friend gets a little worked up in the heat of the crawl, it's okay to calm him down with a brojob, just say no homo before or after
10. No moaning
11. The locking of all nine toes between two men is STRICTLY PROHIBITED
12. Proposing to another man is considered gay unless you say "no homo" before and after

## History

In the beginning, a singularity created the land of **Nightcrawlia** out of molten **CoLa**. After six weeks of cooling, three old men and three old women came to be. **The Old Man on his Legs** ruled over **The Old Man on his Back** and **The Old Man on his Feet**, as well as their sister-brides, **The Old Lady in the Porch**, **The Old Lady in the Woods**, and **The Old Lady in the Pizza Shop**. For ages, these simple folk lived in peace, until one day a small argument began between The Old Man on his Back and The Old Man on his Legs, which escalated into an 89-day war. At the end of it, The Old Man on his Feet defeated The Old Man on his Legs by skinning him and cutting off his legs, much to the dismay of The Old Man on his Back. The pair of winning men cast the crippled old man into the bowels of the earth along with his three old ladies, for they had chosen a losing side. The two old men left above now wished to rid themselves of their old names, leaving Old Man on his Back as the **Pacifier** and the Old Man on his Feet as the **Gargantuan**. For centuries, they ruled above , with the Pacifier was as an overseer of this planet, and the  Gargantuan at his side as the warrior. Despite their partnership, the Pacifier was still ever-cautious of his associate, for he saw a rage and bloodlust in his heart.

Deep, deep, below, in the echoing bowels of the earth, The Old Man on his Legs laid broken and distraught. After 89 days of crawling, he discovered a strange creation sitting under layers of dirt. He climbed up and fixed his broken flush onto this heap of metal, revving the engine and transforming himself into the horrid Old Man on the Mower. Out of fear, the old ladies bowed down to him, and a suckling cycle of babymaking began. Boy after boy was released from these old ladies, but the Old Man on the Mower did not care for boys, he only cared for revenge and passion, so he forced the old ladies to dispose of these boys by sticking them back through the tunnel that brought the old down to hell.

Up above, on a fine dark day, the Pacifier found himself a knock on the door to his **Sanctuary**. When he looked out, he found a tall wet man draped in jester’s garbs. This man explained himself to be the **Trickster**, a being that crawled out of the severed legs of the long-gone Old Man. Swearing himself to the side of good, the three strong men lived together in Sanctuary for many years. One night, however, when the Pacifier was beginning to enter a deep slumber, he heard a faint crying from out his window. He searched and searched, until he came upon a small hole, small as a pin! And inside he looked, but saw only darkness, so he stuck his plump thumbs in and pulled and ripped and pried, until that sore hole became gaping wide! And inside, a **BOY**! He had never before seen an infant, and decided to take in and dedicate his life to protect this child. The Gargantuan watched his series of events and grew ever-jealous of the Pacifier and his plaything. He came to the Pacifier and DEMANDED a boy of his own, but the big man refused. Entering a rage, and searched everywhere for this secret boy-hole, eventually finding it and ripping another boy out of it, causing the hole to expand further and bleed. The Pacifier saw this and took it as a last straw, using all of his energy to swing his fist into one powerful throw, that rocketed the Gartuan and his corrupted boy into the disgusting **Piss Fields**, where no man dare survive.

Afterwards, the Pacifier abandoned the Sanctuary and built himself a **Pacifier** **Palace** in **High Rock**, so that no man could abuse this beautiful hole again. For 89 days the young boy suckling from his tit, and slowly grew, and grew, and started to turn green. At the end of this transformation, the Pacifier found a noble and strong **Goblin King** in his arms, who he then gave the rights to the kingdom in the form of a jagged golden crown. Afterwards, the remaining three decided to split up so that they may protect the lands of Nightcrawlia from all sides. The Goblin King returned to Sanctuary while the Trickster built himself a **Trickster Tower** in the **Lowlands**. After a while, however, the Goblin King grew angry when he could hear the offensive screams of the corrupted **Giant** coming from the Piss Fields. He took it upon himself to travel back to High Rock and pull a boy of his own to combat this terrible Giant. The King traveled to Pacifier Palace and woke up his old friend, who led him up the mountain and showed him the hole that he had been pulled from many years ago. Removing a crying boy of his own, he took him back to Sanctuary and trained him to fight his foe. The King then sent him on his way to fight the Giant, but he got lost in the depths of the labyrinth and never returned. Saddened by this news, the King decided to raise another boy and travel with him to the Piss Fields this time. In his protective galoshes and with his new shiny boy, they came face to face with the corrupted youth, now a towering 8 foot tall grey man whose lower body was splattered with piss. The King pushed his Man into combat, but unfortunately, upon their first quarrel, the Giant ripped this man in half and drank his innards. The King returned home, saddened again by this event, but the next day he acquired yet another boy. This boy was also mutilated in combat, forcing the King to pull yet another boy, who soon died as well.

After dozens and dozens of dead boys, some even murdered while the King had turned his back, The Pacifier started to take notice of this madness, and took it upon himself to appoint The Trickster as an overseer of the growth of boys. The Trickster, who had a hard time believing the situation, walked out and observed a fight with his own eyes. He saw the King push the boy with his foot into the fields, and stare blankly as the young lad was pummeled mercilessly for 45 minutes into the ground. The Trickster stared in awe as the Goblin King just said “Dammit, there goes another one.” and walked away about 30 seconds into the pummeling. Later, the Goblin King returned to Pacifier Palace and was led back up to the **Wet Boy Hole** to retrieve another of his kin. This time, however, the Pacifier noted that The King had never lost a boy so quickly, so the hole was still slippery and moist. He told the King that if he were to stick his arm into the hole, it would be against the rules and cost him his sexuality. The King thought about it for a good 20 seconds, then shrugged it off and reached in. To his surprise, the wet infant that he removed from this hole had another grasped onto his leg. The King looked at this young lad and exclaimed that he had no need for two, so he just threw him over his shoulder, and thus a dirty **Squatter** was born. At this point, the Trickster told the king that he would be overseeing this rigorous and passionate training of the boy, so that he might have even a chance of surviving his fight with the Giant.

Forming a new breed of six chaotic forces, the **Nightcrawlers** began their endless battle of sweat, piss, and CoLa, which raged on into the universe.

**UT SERPERE EST VIVET**