Lonely Hearts Club Band

Friday, May 24 2019

Big Team Base, disused room on sub-floor 4B, 7:19 PM

Jaime curses, fingers sliding on the controller as they slam it down. It’s a fake guitar strapped to their neck, so it doesn’t go anywhere--just rubs against their shirt awkwardly. So fucking close to 100% and they’d missed it up just at the end.

The splash screen plays across the TV as the points rack themselves up, and the note streak flashes. So. Fucking. Close. Jaime collapses dramatically onto the couch, looking at Seth as they groan. After the twentieth time this hour, “I Saw Her Standing There” was running their patience a bit thin.

For once, it’d been a pretty quiet week, in the aftermath of the school blowing up. Not that anything felt back to normal, exactly. But it was normal enough that they could invite Seth to hang out without feeling like they should be out saving the world, or doing something more important with their lives than one hundred percenting Beatles Rock Band on an old PS3 Jaime had found on eBay, or whatever.

So here they were, in a quiet corner of the base, in a room that looked a bit like a packrat who had only a vague idea of what a “man cave” looked like had gone to a garage sale and sort of bought…everything, and then arranged it in a state of organized chaos.

In other words, it was a teenage boy’s room. Just without a bed.

Seth delicately places his plastic guitar controller on its stand before sinking into the couch right next to Jaime, sharing their miserable disposition. The number of times they’d been personally screwed by Paul McCartney since Japan was staggering, and Seth was pretty sure he could probably play the actual guitar, and drum parts of “I Saw Her Standing There” in particular better than the goddamn Beatles themselves at this point, but there was almost something cathartic to this weekly hellish torment him and Jaime put themselves through for no real reason in particular. It was a sort of unspoken burden they’d both taken up, a righteous journey of brotherhood to claim some sort of ultimate life fulfillment. That and, Jaime was cool and always had fun snacks in their weird corner of the base. He was especially glad to see Jaime was just fine after whatever-the-hell happened to put them in the medbay, or at least as fine as someone could be after twenty-plus runs of “I Saw Her Standing There.”

Seth hums the chorus before his voice breaks into a distressed groan, “It’s going to be playing in my fucking dreams.” There was nothing quite like being strapped to a table and then having The Beatles eerily serenade you about being in an octopus’s garden in the background-which had happened in at least two of his flashbacks the week they were stuck on that particular song. “I do not envy you and the bass part.”

“It isn’t already?” Jaime asked, turning towards Seth. They smiled, teasing. “I’ve been practicing for that achievement on my own, too, and I can’t fucking get it. It shouldn’t be this fucking hard.”

Jaime pushes themselves off the couch and up to a corner of the room. They adjust a blanket that was artfully thrown on top of a mid-century modern chair, and open up a mini fridge.

“GAIA? Where’s Cyclone?”

GAIA’s voice answers, and they could almost hear a slight grin from the AI, like they knew exactly why Jaime was asking. “Cyclone is currently in his office. I will alert you to any significant changes, Jaime.”

“Thanks. D’you want a drink?” They eyed Seth and grinned. “I personally need a break from \*that\* shit. I’ve got…shitty beer? Less shitty wine coolers? Or, like. Pop and water?”

They tossed a couple bags of chips onto a nearby table while they waited for him to answer.

“Mm, not shitty wine coolers,” Seth kicks his feet up on the coffee table and half halfheartedly holds up a hand. Fun snacks for sure-but to be honest, he’s only drank...once? Maybe? In his whole life.

“Sweet.” They hadn’t taken Seth for someone who’d turn down a drink, but they could never be too sure. It wasn’t something Jaime did often, but, well…. It was nice to have a little bit of a stash. Especially after the past couple weeks they’ve had.

“I’ve got Fuzzy Navel or Pomegranate Raspberry,” they asked. “Totally legally acquired, by the way. I mean, technically. I had an ID and everything.”

Hearing that, Seth cranes his head to give Jaime a look, but after a pause just says, “Pomegranate.” His hand swishes with the word before assuming an expectant cup-holding pose again.

Jaime rolls their eyes as they walk towards Seth, dropping the bottle purposefully into his lap, and not into his waiting hand. They crashed back into the couch next to him and unscrewed their own drink.

They took a long gulp in silence, letting the sweetness rinse down their throat. It was quiet for a moment before Jaime turned to Seth.

“So what’s up with you? Montreal? Mini told me a bit about the whole basketball game…”

The bottle is instantly covered in a thin layer of frost as soon as Seth picks it up, and he takes a long drink from it too, recoiling a little at the sweet sting of the flavor. He gives a short laugh, “Yeah, that was *something*. Star Studded-or whatever they’re called-must have really ticked her off.” His expression doesn’t falter but his voice holds a tiny hint of acting...he isn’t lying-but the basketball game is so hazy all he can remember is what he wrote down about it. He takes another drink, “And yeah Montreal is…” he pauses trying to think of a word, “...Tense, I guess? How much do you know about it?”

Jaime eyes Seth as they take another drink. They can tell something’s up, but don’t really know how to put a finger on it.

“I mean, as much as Mini does, I guess? I dunno, man. I’ve...kinda been a bit distracted the past couple weeks.” Space, then Mini, then the Market and the drag show...They’ve really been embroiled in their own shit and trying to process the Risganjan threat. “Extremely flirty fish people? Impending war? Something about Rhiannon?”

Seth’s eyes widen a bit and he gives an airy laugh, “No yeah that just about sums it up I think. I guess if it’s not fish people it’s...aliens? By the way,” he shifts a little, “If you don’t mind me asking-why were you in the medbay? I didn’t really hear why just, that you were in there.” His expression doesn’t change, but his eyes are full of concern. Though Jaime looks just fine, and didn’t appear to be any worse for wear earlier either, he gives them another once over just in case.

Jaime shrugs. “I absorbed a shitton of energy. Some of Mini’s ghosts. Mostly a lot of plasma. I kinda, um. Lost it? Taking that much extra then getting it all pulled out so quickly….I needed some time to build up my own again.” They take another sip, starting to enjoy the light buzz they were getting. They leaned back, almost reflexively, into the couch. “I’m fine now, though. And thanks for your gift.” They flash Seth a half smile. “It was sweet.”

Seth looks away for a moment flustered, cheeks already warm from the alcohol, and gives an awkward cough, “Yeah, uh, I would have visited but I’m not so great with those...kinds of places I guess.” He takes another drink and offers a small smile, “I’m glad you’re alright, though.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I was asleep for most of it, anyway. You weren’t missing much.” They hope they were being reassuring.

After a minute, though, Jaime frowns. They close their eyes and take a deep breath, trying to focus past the slight wavering of alcohol. They reach out, putting their hand on Seth’s knee and taking another breath. Huh.

Seth chuckles a little at Jaime’s expression, it kind of looks like they’re trying to stave off the alcohol. The air feels much more comfortable now that the bottle in his hand is nearly empty, and Jaime’s hand is as warm as his cheeks. He instinctively places his hand on top of theirs and blinks at how cold his own hand feels against theirs. He tilts his head in question and offers a gentle, “What?”

“I never noticed that before,” Jaime murmurs, flipping their hand over, so they’re holding Seth’s in theirs. It feels less threatening, like this. For both Jaime and whoever they’re trying to feel out. They keep their eyes closed as they try to feel around Seth’s energy and the light haze. “Your….Energy? Whatever, it is I feel. It’s like you’re flickering?”

Now that they’ve noticed it, though, they can’t see to focus on anything else, like when you realize the hum of fluorescent lights. Seth was cold, yes, and felt cold, but it was more than that. They couldn’t discern any pattern to it, and the shifts felt almost rapid, blinking in and out of existence faster than Jaime thought they should have.

They give Seth’s hand a squeeze and open their eyes, biting their lip. “Um, sorry. If that was weird.”

Seth flushes in surprise at the contact but doesn’t pull away, looking curiously from their hands to Jaime’s closed eyes. “Flickering?” He repeats slowly before remembering Jaime’s abilities-granted it was sort of a hard thing forget. Though he doesn’t really know what they’re doing and there’s no particular indication that anything out of the ordinary is happening-though he’s really feeling buzzed. Seth smiles a little at their concentration and shifts a little closer so there’s not much of a gap between them, wondering if it’ll help.

“No? What’d you do?” He asks with an inquisitive expression, and gives Jaime’s hand a light squeeze back before thinking that might have been a bad idea.

“Oh, um. Nothing? I was just...looking, I guess. It’s hard to focus sometimes.” They flush, realizing how Seth had moved closer. “I try not to take anything from friends unless they want me to. It feels...rude?”

They run their fingers through their hair with their free hand, trying to expend some of their nervous energy. “But most people don’t feel like that. Not That I’m trying to say you’re weird, just…” They trail off before they can stick their foot in their mouth any further.

Seth gives Jaime a curious look, “Feel like they’re...flickering? Like what’s flickering?” Though his eyes suddenly become a little dark and he adjusts his hand a little in Jaime’s, “My...powers or whatever?” He eyes the remaining alcohol in his cooler before deciding to drink the rest down.

“It’s um...you? Not like, Emotionally. But, it’s sort of your life force. Your energy. It can be tied to your powers, but that depends on your powers.”

Jaime takes a look at their own half full bottle and drains theirs too.

“It could be nothing, could just be you. Like are they...unstable?” They close their eyes again, and focus. Seth’s hand tenses in theirs again, and there’s a strong flare. “Did you feel that?”

“U-Uh, no…?” Seth looks at their hands and then at Jaime with concern. The only thing he can feel is the alcohol and his own sudden embarrassment, and he shifts a little, “But I guess I can understand the...unstable part, I guess.”

Jaime gives Seth’s hand another gentle squeeze. “I’m not gonna judge you, dude. I’ve had my own share of instability. And mine was a bit more dangerous.”

“Oh,” Seth says a little quietly, realizing that he doesn’t really know much about Jaime outside of their previous ‘assassin’ affiliation. He wonders if he should ask, but before he can really think about it, his mouth is already moving, “What happened-I mean, if you don’t mind me asking. I don’t-uh, I don’t really mean to pry, I know everyone’s probably got shit from before the team they don’t want to talk about. I’m not really any different-but I really care about you so, if you want to talk about it I’m-” he realizes he’s starting to ramble and stops mid-sentence, blush creeping across his cheeks.

“I’m not even drunk-sorry, um, I’m going to shut up before I start trying to serenade you with my *feelings*,” he rubs his the bridge of his nose with his free hand and gives a nervous, self conscious laugh.

“Well, we can fix a couple of those things, and I don’t mind feelings,” Jaime says, smiling a bit at Seth. “They’re cute.” They give his hand another squeeze before rising, and letting go. They walk over to the mini fridge and get a couple more bottles, setting another Pomegranate wine cooler in front of him.

“We can talk about it, yeah,” they say, settling back down on the couch. “Or at least, uh. Parts of it? It’s not the most fun story. But you gotta tell me some of your shit, too.”

Seth gives them a surprised look, which quickly becomes conflicted. Sharing “insecurities” with someone else...was supposed to be a two way street, he knew that, though he was never very good at it-even back before his didn’t have to do with kidnappings and laboratories. Talking about that stuff, even knowing that he was wrong for hiding it and that it probably put everyone in danger, it was still...hard.

He misses Jaime’s hand and curls his up into a ball. “A-Alright, deal,” he says though he isn’t sure he means it-but he tells himself he’ll try, and gratefully picks the cooler off the table. He’ll probably need it.

Jaime gives Seth a smile, even though they don’t feel particularly happy. This is gonna suck, and Jaime can’t help but feel like they’re torpedoing a burgeoning friendship. But, at least they can tell Elle that they’re trying? About being more honest. And Seth—

Seth was there for them. Listened to them. Understood. When they felt like their fragile new world got ripped out from under them. Elle understood. Mini understood...They could do this.

They’re quiet for a moment as they take another swift few gulps of a second drink, and reach for Seth’s hand again, reflexively.

“The short version is that I almost killed my boyfriend and my family when I was thirteen. I didn’t know what I was doing, it just sorta happened. I kept—“ Jaime swallows, voice thick. They’re staring at their lap, and can’t manage to make eye contact. ”I kept panicking. It just made it worse. Jack—um, he kinda lead the assassin group—found me, and shut me down. Said he could teach me. And he did. But he also taught me a lot of other things.”

Seth keeps his expression even, but when Jaime falters he lets go of their hand and puts his arm around them, pulling them close. He doesn’t find himself very surprised somehow, but he lets the words sink in and fills in the blanks with what he can imagine…

It seemed all the team members shared an unspeakable bravery. Maybe that’s why they were heroes, though Seth...already knew that. He gives Jaime’s a shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I guess you and me have a lot in common,” he says quietly after a little while, “Despite what we were...intended to be, we’re here, trying to be heroes-or something, instead,” he gives Jaime a soft but bittersweet smile. “Have you seen them since,” *Or are you afraid too*, Seth thinks but doesn’t say, “Do you...want to?”

“Yeah,” Jaime says, leaning into Seth’s surprisingly strong hug. “I thought, for a long time, that I was only going to hurt people. Cause that is what I do. And what Jack said I would do. And what I was trained for… But when it came down to it, I couldn’t hurt someone like that.” *I couldn’t kill them*. They wince, slightly, as an intrusive thought flashes through them. How easy it would be, right here. Right now. The hundred of ways they could do it—

They take a deep breath, trying to shoo it away and hoping Seth didn’t notice.

“I haven’t,” Jaime says, quietly. “I’m not their son anymore. They wouldn’t recognize me. I don’t even know if they think I’m missing, or dead, or what…But I’ve thought about it. Sometimes I want to. Sometimes….I think it’s just better to stay gone.”

They pull back from the hug, just enough to glance at Seth, giving him a weak smile. “What about your tragic backstory?”

Seth feels oddly proud, or maybe encouraged, when Jaime says that they couldn’t hurt someone. His spirits fall as Jaime finishes, and he only gives a slow nod, though he doesn’t know if he believes Jaime really means that.

He opens the cooler laying by him and watches the bottle frost over before taking a drink and setting it back on the table. His turn, right. He doesn’t really know why it’s so hard to talk about it, especially when Jaime just...told him all that. No-that wasn’t quite right. He was running away from it, as though talking about it would make it...real. It caught up to him in his dreams every other night and yet, he still wanted desperately to pretend it was just that-a dream. Even after everything he was still so...afraid.

The fuzzy feeling from drinking theoretically makes it easier to talk, but it still feels like every voice in his head is telling him not to. No one else knew yet, besides Milo. And that..should change. He takes a breath and takes Jaime’s hand, holding it tight, but stays conscious of his strength and the cold that’s laced in his fingers.

“I-uh,” he searches the wood of the table for words that aren’t there, “I was completely normal for sixteen years of my life. Grew up in a small town not as far from here as I’d like it to be.” The alcohol makes it hard to keep emotion off his face and out of his voice. “I was-I was...kidnapped a night in New York by some-some group called HELIX,” he can’t keep his breathing even and he looks at Jaime to try and focus on anything but mentally recreating the entire scenario. “They did things-lots of things to me. Said I was special-that I was some kind of weaponized experiment that was-that was finally succeeding,” he takes a shaky breath and swallows hard, “I was there a week and a half, but i-it felt like months. Milo-he came for me though. And we-we ran.”

He looks away not wanting to parse Jaime’s reaction-if he’s saying too much or if it’s getting too dark. The words keep spilling. “They gave chase. I-I realized I couldn’t go back home. My mom probably thinks I’m dead. Like-my dad,” his voice breaks and he falters, wishing he hadn’t brought that up. “We lost them in Halcyon and it’s-everything’s been fine since. No sign of them. But what they did to me...it’s always there. In everything I do and think-I’m fucking back there four times a week for tests and check ups and doses in my dreams. My memory blanks half the time like there’s something in my head censoring out what I get to see, what I get to know-I wake up everyday like the last thing I remember was being *there*, like I never left, like time hasn’t moved at all and I-I-” he desperately tries to wipe at the tears, “Fuck- I’m sorry, I-I’m sorry,” he lets go of Jaime’s hand, afraid he’ll break it, and tries to calm down and stop crying.

He feels stupid and so-pathetic? Dramatic? Is it because he’s kept it bottled this whole time? He can only think of everyone-even Jaime-who’ve gone through worse. Even though Rhiannon told him too that it’s never a competition of suffering-he can’t help but hate how much it hurts and how afraid he is of all of it. And worse-the feeling of giving part of that burden to someone else.

Jaime is quiet, listening to Seth. They know just how hard it is, to say these things. To remember. When all you’re trying to do every day is put your past behind you. It feels— it feels like the antithesis of everything you’re working for.

They envelop him in their arms, when he starts crying, like he did for them. Jaime rubs his back, letting him cry. Just giving him the time and space he needs to settle himself.

“Don’t have to be sorry, dude. I asked you. And I know how fucking hard it is. You’re like, pretty much the second person I’ve told. Ever.”

“I still have nightmares about that day, sometimes,” They say, quietly. “I get intrusive thoughts all the fucking time. The things I’ve done to people. The things I’ve had done to me…. It doesn’t go away. Fuck, I wish I could tell you it does.”

They give Seth’s hair a soft kiss, just in instinct, before they realize that they’re not sure how familiar they could be. “Sorry,” they mutter. “But friends help. Talking about it…can help. Even if it sucks.”

Seth caves into Jaime’s comfort, though he also kind of wants to die. Still, he’s relieved that Jaime doesn’t push him away-maybe it’s a silly instinctive fear to have. Or maybe Milo, Rhiannon, and Jaime are all just cut from the same wonderful cloth. Either way, he finds himself start to calm, though he feels bad for finding relief in Jaime’s words. They really did have a lot in common.

“Yeah I guess,” He sniffles, “If I don’t die of embarrassment or pathetic-ness before that.” He sinks into Jaime, not quite wanting to let go but also not feeling any discomfort, any thoughts about it being weird or even embarrassing are lost in the warm haze-though he does know he’s probably very cold to hold.

“Nah, I won’t let you do that. We all gotta breakdown sometimes.” Jaime ruffles the back of Seth’s hair, the cold starting to sink in. “You’re *strong*, Seth. And brave. And kind. Talented…” *Handsome*. They shake that thought out of their mind. “And it’s both because of, and despite everything. You could have let HELIX break you, and you didn’t. You’re here. We can talk about it more, if you want. Or if you want to know more of my shit…”

“I’m not any of those things, not really,” his voice is quiet, “But I think *you* are. You and everyone here. And I guess-I guess that’s what I’m trying to be.” He gives Jaime a look that says *don’t fight me about this*, as he already knows-but he smiles a little, too, and dries the remaining tears in his eyes with his jacket sleeve.

Jaime can’t help themselves from shivering, a little. “I don’t mind keeping this up, but if we do it much longer I’m gonna have to start taking a little something from you. Just to keep my ass from freezing.” They’re pretty sure they can turn it into a feedback loop, and just help regulate the temperature difference without making Seth too tired.

“Mmm, yeah, sorry,” he says but he does not move, and instead mischievously snuggles in a little closer. “You can negate it? Or something? I can’t turn this shit off, but if you have a way to not turn into a popsicle,” he blushes a little, “I wouldn’t mind. If you also have a way to float my cooler here from the table so I don’t have to move, we’d be in serious business,” he laughs and sniffles. “But I’d-um, I’d like to hear more about you. I think I already vomited most of my life story. You can tell me whatever-oh and how the fuck you ended up with that gremlin *Mini*. We can drink a bit more-and then I bet we can *really* fucking 100% that stupid song.” He starts humming it into Jaime’s chest, suddenly feeling very comfortable.

Jaime laughs a little, pulling a bit of energy from Seth. It was just enough to speed up their own metabolism; he’d barely notice at all. Their hair shortens a bit, eyes matching Seth’s icy blue as they warm up. Much better.

“More like I can use a bit of you to make it easier for me. But I won’t make you move.” They give Seth a squeeze before letting go, grabbing the drink from the coffee table. They press it into Seth’s hand before wrapping around him again. They get the feeling that Seth doesn’t get to be close to people like this too often. And they know how isolating that can be, even if it was for a different reason.

“There’s a lot of stuff you can ask about. And I’ll be at least mostly honest. Not that I don’t trust you, Seth. It’s just a lot.” They run their fingers absently through the hair at the nape of his neck. ”Mini…It started in Tarin, and I’m gonna be honest, I don’t really know *how* that happened so fast. But she gets it. And I get her. Helps that I don’t have to worry about losing control.”

Seth takes a grateful long drink from his cooler and nods, “No it’s cool-I don’t think I’m capable of being totally honest about some things either.” He kind of feels like a little kid clinging on to Jaime, but it’s—nice. “Well that’s good I guess. She’s not all gremlin,” he smiles a little thinking of his very nice new drumsticks, “I’m glad for you guys. You seem-happy? Right? I don’t know how the fuck people get together, must be like winning the goddamn lottery.”

“I mean, I kicked her ass, had a panic attack, and then we ended up making out so….” Jaime smiles wryly at Seth. “I’m definitely not the best person to ask for dating advice. She’s um. Well. The second person I’ve ever really dated? But even I’m pretty sure that’s not how you typically ask someone out.”

They nudge him a bit. “What about you? Someone out there melting your heart?”

“Sounds plenty romantic to me,” Seth snorts, but immediately turns red. “What-what makes you ask that? Do I-Do I seem like I do?” He tries to say it casually but he winces at the attempt-his voice cracks on the last words. Not his best try. Still it’s a good question...he sure hopes he portrays *“cool, aloof, and absolutely not a mess and crushing on three people”* at least to some degree.

Jaime rolls their eyes, but it’s clearly teasing. “Doesn’t everyone have a crush? Or two?” Maybe they had their own personal reasons for asking. But if Seth doesn’t want to talk about it, they won’t be the one to press.

Seth groans into Jaime’s chest but relents, “Maybe a couple, I guess, if you breathe a word of it-I can pick up buildings. I’m just saying.” He takes another drink and gives Jaime a sly smirk, his ears red, “Guess who?”

“And I can knock you out in about fifteen different ways,” Jaime says, grinning. But they rest their head on top of Seth’s. “These lips are sealed.”

They eye Seth as he smirks and feel a sharp flutter in their chest. *Them? No way.*

“Milo, definitely. Are the others on the team?”

Seth practically jolts up, “Wait-Holy fuck wait, it’s not supposed to be that obvious, how—fuck,” he collapses back onto Jaime dramatically. “Good thing he’s denser than a pile of bricks if I’m that obvious about it,” he sighs.

“Fine-you win one. The others...are on the team, I guess,” he shifts a little nervously, but he looks like he’s enjoying this game-though that seems uncharacteristic of him. He takes another drink, but the bottle’s practically empty.

They laugh, grinning. “You just *made* it that obvious. But…. I just know if I had a best friend who helped me through what you’ve gone through, who ran away with me? I’d probably be in love with him too.” They lean back, pulling Seth more on top of them. They were so used to keeping their distance from people. Being with Mini seems to have unlocked a surprisingly affectionate side, like they were making up for lost touch.

“You guess they’re on the team?” Jaime teases, ruffling Seth’s hair. “Are you gonna share? Or just act all noble and hide your feelings forever, pining endlessly after someone and never doing anything about it?”

“Mmm it’s not just that, Milo is…special,” Seth lets himself be pulled along with Jaime and wraps an arm around their waist and curls in. Is this too...close? Too romantic? He doesn’t mean it to be, but he can’t really tell beyond the feeling of physical comfort. It’s not something he’s used to, but it’s something he always wishes for. “We’ve known each other forever. He saved me from...I don’t know, myself?” He laughs quietly and mumbles lovingly, seemingly unaware that this guard has long since completely dissolved, “He seems like a total airhead but he’s actually really smart-like a genius, and he’s so...warm. I-I love him, I think. But we’re...we’re just friends.”

Jaime absently strokes Seth’s arm with their thumb, enjoying how easily he tucked into them. It’s nice. “You can do both,” Jaime says, softly. “Can *be* both. Friends can be just as important.”

Seth looks up and gives Jaime a pout, “It’s not like I don’t *want* to tell them, but I guess I just...know it’ll make things weird. ‘Cause they don’t...feel the same,” he settles back onto their chest and his voice seems to lose some color. “I try to wait to...figure things out. But even if I do, it never changes anything. I just...want someone to fall for me the way I do for other people I guess. I don’t always want to be trapped on this side of the glass. I can never seem to find a way in,” he sniffles a little. “And when I try, it just...makes everything fall apart.”

“Hey,” Jaime says, softly. “You don’t know that. Maybe someone’s pining after you right now, Seth Winters. Cause you’re cute. And like, incredibly fucking talented. You can hold up fucking apartment buildings. But you’re sweet. How much you care about everyone. The team, random citizens, you care. Maybe if you let your guard down a little, it’d be easier for other people to see that?”

“But being honest, putting yourself out there...Not everyone is great at picking up signals, and if you want them falling like you do… that means they’re squishing down their feelings and not saying anything. Then you get two stubborn idiots pining over each other and avoiding making each other incredibly happy.”

Seth rolls his eyes, “Yeah, ‘cause being me is so great. You make it sound easy, but I’m-” *terrified*, he thinks. He can say a lot of things right now but, not that, “...Not all that great at letting people in. If it wasn’t fucking obvious. And it's...not like *that*, I guess. I don't know.”

They give Seth a gentle squeeze, to reassure him. “Anyone else?”

Seth sighs. “One of them is Aman. We can be like this sometimes,” he cuddles into Jaime as if to make a point, “And he...says things sometimes. Like inviting me to prom. But I get the feeling he’s just joking. It hurts...a little,” he pauses and swallows, “Because I...I really like him. He’s sweet and *cool* and brave and...” He giggles a little, “Handsome? And he takes things hard and always tries to be better for it. He smiles like he does and...I wish I could be more to him than just a… friend.”

“The other one…” Seth becomes still and a little quiet, “I’ve...I’ve actually never felt the way...I feel about her...for anyone else. It’s-It’s weird. I don’t really know how to say it. I could put it to music maybe.” He lets those words settle before perking up righteously, “I’m a pretty romantic guy, right? I think I am-I mean like, not on the outside but, I’d like-take her somewhere nice like, a park or a rooftop-maybe that stupid tree, and have a bunch of candles set up or something. Take out dinner. Blankets. Guitar. Sing her “Can’t Help Falling in Love” and I dunno-”Just the Two of Us” but like-Winters renditions. I hope she’d sing with me-she’s got such a nice voice. Stay up there a while, go for a walk. “Such Great Heights.” I’d be soft with her-’cause it’s easy to be. Watch her smile,” he sniffles, feeling embarrassed and hurt at the thought, “I’m an idiot.”

“No,” Jaime says, trying to be reassuring. They’ve got an idea who Seth is talking about but if he doesn’t want to say it just yet, that’s alright. Jaime won’t make him talk about it. “You’re not an idiot. You’re *sweet*. Ridiculously, disgustingly sweet. Maybe you should be giving Mini some tips on the big romantic gestures.”

They rub Seth’s back, letting him tuck into their arms. Something aches inside them, listening to Seth describe his crushes. The people he cared about, why he cared about them.

“You’re definitely gonna kill it in the boyfriend department, when you get the chance, dude. Seriously. And someone’s gonna fall for you.” They look down at him, smiling softly. “They’d be stupid not to.”

“Yeah...someday, I guess,” he doesn’t sound hopeful at all, though.

“What the hell-haven’t I been talking for like...hours. Didn’t I say I wanted to hear about you?” Seth gives Jaime a playful glare, but turns a little red, “Not my stupid love life-feelings? Augh-*feelings*.”

“What does an ex-assassin do in their spare time when they aren’t playing rock band or, cradling a half drunk-um, idiot?” He giggles, “Maybe a little more drunk than half-maybe not the best with drinking. But-*yeah*, could be my fucked memory, but for how much we sit around together I don’t know all that much about you. That should change.”

“You did,” Jaime teases. “But then you wouldn’t shut up about how in love you are. And it was cute.” Jaime bites their lip, subconsciously, before remembering all of Mini’s comments. They flush and stop that. Almost immediately.

“Um, I mean, it’s not like I have some cool secret life going on,” Jaime says. “Been spending a lot of time with Mini after school. Otherwise I try to keep sharp, train. Catch up on some of the movies and stuff I missed. We didn’t get out much until the last like, year or so…”

“I’ve been trying to teach myself to knit?” they offer, even though it feels weak. Take away all the superhero stuff, all the pain and trauma and fighting and what the fuck were they? What did they like? What did they want to do? It seems like everyone else has a million and one hobbies, and Jaime just feels blank.

“Movies are fun,” Seth smiles, “Knitting is cute, too.” He notices Jaime shift and hugs them a little tighter, “Hey it’s ok, hobbies don’t make a person. They’re just shit to do when you’re bored. Heroeing dedication is good,” he laughs, “But if you want, you can come over to my place sometime and I’ll teach you some *real* guitar.” His voice is a little velvety from laying down, and he moves up to cuddle into their neck, maybe getting a little too comfortable. “Sorry-you can tell me to move but you’re so-close and comfortable,” *and not a block of ice*, he laughs.

“Maybe. Yeah. Dedication to training is what I did for like, five years. I thought it’d be different once I got out. You know? But the team was my fucking life. Training. Missions. Learning to control myself. Learning like, eight different languages, how to lift, pick locks, never be seen… But here I am again. Not doing anything except *this*. And it’s not like I get a lot of gratification from it, you know?” They shrug. “It’s just what I know how to do.”

“Nah, after the past couple weeks? I think we both need it. And if you normally freeze everyone up, your cuddle partners are gonna be a bit limited. I don’t mind.” They like it, in fact. Having Seth on top of them, knowing Seth trusts them to not lose control…. That Seth trusts them enough to be close like this….It’s reassuring. Comforting. Nearly as much as Seth’s breath tickling their collarbone.

“Mmm, sounds like you need a crash course in being a stupid teenager and having fun. Which, I think, is probably fucking fun on its own-just, try everything,” Seth laughs and starts to sing the chorus of Shakira’s “Try Everything” which he ends by laughing a whole lot into Jaime’s neck. “I like that song, it’s so fuckin’ bubbly,” he smiles, “Can you sing? Oh, I’ve never heard you sing,” he moves to give Jaime an extremely excited look, his face all lit up.

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I need. But sometimes it’s hard to just…let go of everything, you know?”

When Seth mentions singing, Jaime goes pink. The don’t want to be disappointing, especially with how stoked Seth looks, but they’re probably going to be disappointing. “It’s not like you’re missing out,” they mumble.

But Seth’s looking up at them, excited and expectant, so they hum something, like they have to work themselves up to it, before singing a gentle chorus of some pop song that’s been playing everywhere lately. They’re not bad, with a warm, breathy, tenor. Out of practice, sure, and it cracks a little bit as they shift registers--like they’re not familiar with the set points.

They make eye contact again with Seth, once they’re finished, still flushing heavily. “Um. Yeah?”

Seth sits up and listens attentively, his eyes bright and a growing smile on his lips. When they finish he nearly collapses a hug onto them, ”That was good! That was great-you’re amazing Jaime! You’ve got a great voice,” He laughs and pulls away looking overjoyed, and he takes their hand, reveling in the pink on Jaime’s cheeks. “Sing it again but this time with me-c’mon, and a one, two!”

He starts but makes sure they’re singing before harmonizing with them, adding a lower part to the normal melody. The words are light and sweet and Seth basks in the moment. He laughs innocently after, “See? This is fun! If we had an instrument or two we could go all day,” he crashes into Jaime and wraps his arms around them in a tight hug, “I don’t think you have to let go, you just can’t let it stop you. There’s a difference I think,” he smiles, “And if you try everything you’ll trip over something you love eventually. My mom always told me ‘life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself,’ but I’m also pretty sure she stole *that* one from somewhere. Like a fuckin’ pinterest post or something. Makes sense, when it’s not in cursive on top of a pastel pink background or some shit.”

“Yeah,” Jaime says, still a bit pink and more breathless. They haven’t done that in what feels like ages. And Seth’s smile is so infectious. “Your mom seems like a pretty smart lady, even if it’s easier said than done.”

“Yeah she’s-” He stops, his expression immediately breaking, “...The best.”

He settles back onto Jaime’s chest. He’s drunk, or at least practically there, but even that’s a conversation for another time. “Anyways-yeah just, get out there and do shit,” he gives a short, airy laugh, “Milo’s got spray paint if you ever want to deface property. Art is-fun? We splatter shit sometimes. Always room for one more. And I’m serious about those guitar lessons, your voice is real pretty,” he smiles to himself.

“Oh yeah, you asked about Montreal,” he kind of feels like he hallucinated that conversation though, “But what have you been up to? I know there’s some shit about aliens, something else about a Gear dude, but-honestly,” he shrugs. He looks at Jaime as though trying to figure out how to get them to talk more. Even if it was oddly comfortable to ramble on (was he rambling? Hard to tell-but probably), he also sort of wanted to just lay on them and listen to the vibrations in their chest as they talked. Or sang. Both would be good. He’s enjoying this, for once. It’s an odd feeling.

“Yeah, just...let me know, I guess? I’d love to hang out with you more,” they say, enjoying how affectionate Seth is being. They knew that Seth was a good guy, but it seems they cracked his cool exterior. Jaime just hopes it wasn’t only because of the wine coolers. They really need more friends. More people to be close to.

“Um, yeah, I’ve kinda been dealing with the aliens. The Risganjans want to invade Earth, but they’ve got the leader of the Host--who wants to erase the entire universe so he can rule it--and one of my…former employers wants to free him, or at the very least fuck up the Risganjan’s, but also doesn’t, and he also might be involved in weapons dealing, which is why I was in the medbay last week. And it just feels like the League isn’t doing anything? Or can’t do anything? I don’t know. But they seem more focused on, like, reacting to the Risganjan threat, instead of coming up with a way to deal with it, you know? And they’re the adults here, but they keep fucking sending us off to do their dirty work. I dunno, that’s just not what I thought I was signing up for when I left, you know? I didn’t think I’d feel obligated to step up and become a leader and try to stop the fucking world from ending. I thought I’d have time to just fucking be a stupid teenager doing stupid shit….”

Jaime pauses, glancing down at Seth. They didn’t realize just how much they were talking. Seth hadn’t really interrupted or anything. Actually, he might be… dozing off? Oh God, were they really that boring? “At least, that’s like, the world-ending stuff I’ve been doing. I did that drag show last weekend, and that was….” They trail off, wishing they had a better way to describe it. “The drag was fun. What happened during wasn’t, so much. Alastor, y’know?”

“That’s...hard,” Seth says after they’re finished. “I had no idea we were *actually* being invaded by aliens-I mean I heard but, you know. I guess it’s different on your side of the screen.” He gives Jaime a squeeze, “I might be wrapped up in a bunch of *fishy business*,” he giggles, “But if you need any help I’ll do whatever I can-also, drag? I didn’t hear about that. Please tell me there’s pictures,” he peeks a look at Jaime to see if they’re still blushing. “And...Alastor is...the weird demon dude Mini has right? Something happen?”

“Yeah, it’s just a big fucking mess. I feel like I have to do something, but it’s like....what can I do? Elle and Parrot and Gwen tried to ally with the Risganjans to stop the host, now look at us…” They sigh, resting their chin on the top of Seth’s head.

“Yeah, Dulcie won. Young Halcyon Glamazon. I’m sure she has some pictures, but, uh, I can show you my outfits later? They were, uh. Something.” Jaime flushes a bit at that. Somehow, the outfits didn’t feel quite so sensual or revealing in the moment. But now? Reflecting back on them? They were definitely more out there than Jaime was usually comfortable with.

“Yeah. Um. He was...loud, so Mini and I went into her book to try and get him to shut up, but….” Jaime swallows, and gets a bit soft. The wound isn’t fresh anymore, but it’s still a wound. And as much as they know Mini doesn’t have a choice.... “Alastor tried to get in between us,” they say, finally. “To hurt me, to get to her. And then we had to have a fucking fight about it….” Jaime sighs.

“Not that I don’t trust you, Seth, but any more is mostly Mini’s bullshit to share.”

“No worries,” Seth hugs them tighter, “I’m just drunk and prying, it’s-nice, listening to you talk. I hope you get a chance to punch that demonic asshole. Maybe Mini’ll fill me in so I can punch him too,” he nuzzles their chest, “Also-the motorcycle chick? Won? Good for her I guess. Kinda wish I went, besides your *girlfriend’s* demon problems of course.” He wrinkles his nose at the word girlfriend but laughs, “I mean-to watch. Not participate.”

“What’s that for?” Jaime asks, seeing Seth wrinkle his nose. “Jealous?” They’re teasing more than anything, really, but well. “No one really got hurt. As far as Alastor goes, I guess it was pretty tame.”

They boop Seth’s nose with a finger, laughing, a little. “I think you’d make a hot drag queen.”

Seth turns absolutely red, “Y-Yeah, right? I’ve got the hips for it,” he tries to roll with it, but he looks completely embarrassed. “I-I can see how I could be jealous, if she gets to have you like this all the time. You’re cute when you blush. Death to couples,” each word comes out more nervous than the last until he doesn’t know what he’s trying to say or what he’s feeling. His face has “oops” written all over it, and he sinks a bit in embarrassment.

“If you think half of our relationship is her tryin’ to get a bit of a rise out of me, you’re actually kinda in the right ballpark.” Jaime softens, and cups Seth’s cheek, tilting his face up to meet theirs. “You know how I said you should be honest about your feelings?” They bite their lip. “Think you could try that now?” They’re being earnest, intrigued by Seth completely deflating.

“Mini and I aren’t… exclusive,” Jaime says. “If that helps.”

Seth’s cheeks turn so red he turns warm, light trails of steam coming off him. What did that mean? He knows what it means but… He stares up at Jaime for what feels like an eternity, feeling their now cool hand against his face, and opens and closes his mouth a few times, making noises that vaguely sound like he’s choking before he finds his voice, “I-I-um. Honesty...huh...”

He freaks out-a little, mentally. He’s never actually...ever...confessed anything. Well, that was a lie, he literally confessed a ton of stuff earlier. But to the...actual person? *Never*. And Jaime-he likes them, he thinks, maybe-it certainly feels like he does right now. But everything is too much of a mess.

Still, there’s a sweet taste that lingers on his tongue and the way they’re looking at him…For the first time possibly *ever*, he doesn’t get the feeling he’d be shot down right now. He thinks about the word honesty and wonders why he’s such a coward. He thinks to speak without consulting the meaning of commitment, and as he looks into Jaime’s eyes and feels everything come to a hazy standstill. He can’t find the words so he reaches up almost out of instinct, breath warm on their skin as he gets closer, and feels everything else start to slip away.

Jaime smiles, fondly, at Seth as he chokes up. It’s sweet. Really, it’s sweet. Jaime doesn’t want to crush him right now, when he’s being so brave--

They gently tilt their head to the side, and kiss the corner of Seth’s mouth, stroking his cheek with their thumb. Jaime presses their forehead to Seth’s, breathing him in. Their heart aches, thinking about everything he’s said to them today, the things he’s admitted... “I thought you’d ask first,” they murmur. “We’re not exclusive, but we still need to...talk about it. But fuck, fuck, I’d really want to kiss you right now. Even if it didn’t lead to anything.”

Seth looks like he's been shot. After a moment his eyes flood with tears he can't help. He curses them. His heart aches with concentrated pain from-embarrassment? Utter stupidity? What the fuck what he doing? He laughs, wiping at the tears, feeling like there's something sharp lodged in his heart. "I'm sorry," he laughs, "You're right-I'm so fucking stupid. Forget that happened-please," he puts an arm over his eyes and tries to suck it up, pained thoughts scattering in his head. He wasn't thinking. It shouldn't have even crossed his mind. By all means he fucked up-but he can't help how much it...hurts. Why did he let himself think it'd end up any other way? Of course Jaime would never-and they’re...taken.

“Hey,” Jaime says, pulling Seth in for a hug and kissing his forehead. “Hey, you’re not stupid. You’re brave. And I don’t want to forget it happened...Okay?”

Seth’s face broke Jaime’s heart. They never meant to have to reject him like that. “I like you, a lot. I think you’re really cute. And for once it seems like I’ll be the one asking someone out…” They laugh softly, trying to ease the tension.

“I just can’t do that right here, right now. And that’s my fault, for, uh. Leading you on like that.” They squeeze Seth close. “I’m sorry.”

“No-it’s, it’s fine it’s my fault. I wasn’t thinking-” he doesn’t push Jaime’s away but the words hit him like his chest has been hollowed, or at least, what words he can hear past his own spiraling thoughts. His tears dam up as though on command, and he wipes them away, feeling much more sober. “I don’t-I don’t even know how I feel. My heart’s a fucking mess-you’ve heard. I-I don’t even know if I’d be ok with the poly thing. So-” his voice breaks a little, “So don’t confess to me. I just-I’m sorry.” He pulls away and seems to close up, and although it’s awkward, he doesn’t really know what else to do. He hopes he didn’t just destroy their friendship-but he steels himself for it.

“Okay. Okay.” Jaime gives Seth a half hearted smile. “To be honest, I don’t know how I feel, really, either. There’s a lot going on for both of us. I guess….I guess I’ll just say that if you figure some stuff out, and you wanted to try, maybe we could?”

They knew they so rarely said the right things to people. They knew they were a fucked up mess of feelings and guilt and shame. That maybe they were just so excited to have people who were good— real, good, people—interested in them, they couldn’t help wanting to reach out and cling to them. They didn’t realize just how much they could hurt.

“But in the meantime, I really don’t want to try to 100% this stupid thing on my own.” They eye Seth hopefully. “Can we still be friends?”

Surprise flickers in his expression, followed by-hope? He didn’t just destroy everything? The world isn’t ending for them both? His heart’s on a roller coaster but his icy exterior instantly melts. He tears up a little from the relief, feeling silly as usual-why is everything always so damn scary? He lets out a breathy, “*Yes, please?*” and goes for a timid hug.

Jaime wraps around Seth, giving him a reassuring squeeze. “Good. We’re okay.” They hope Seth feels better for being honest and vulnerable, but at the same time—it sounds like Seth has more at risk with some of his other crushes. “Whatever you need, yeah?”

Seth leans against Jaime for a moment after. His heart feels about as solid as play-dough, but in a really weird way he feels like a burden he didn’t know he was carrying has been lifted off his shoulders. He feels like he’s learned something, he isn’t quite sure what-but it feels like a good thing.

“I need,” he sniffles, “For us to nail that song, maybe. If you want,” he gives Jaime a small smile. “And more-well, actually less alcohol probably,” he laughs softly and takes a deep breath before exhaling.

“And if you tell anyone I’m actually just an over-dramatic mass of emotional mince meat, I’ll destroy you,” he does his best to look intimidating, but he’s pretty sure he’s smiling. “But thanks-for everything. This is-um, special. Sort of. I don’t know what I’m trying to say.”

Jaime waggles their fingers at Seth. “And I can knock you out, bud. So watch who you’re threatening.” But they’re smiling, glad that they came to some sort of understanding.

“No, it is. And I think that’s worth keeping,” Jaime says, nudging his shoulder. “Maybe I’m better at fake-bass when I’m drunk?”

“I fuckin’ hope so,” Seth says back jokingly, with a smile. He gets up and grabs the plastic guitar and passes Jaime the other, and the old console whirs to life. A few seconds later a familiar “One, two, three, four!” sets off their best run of it yet.