Joost Jodocus

ALLAHHH!

> This is stupid...
> - Joost rather aptly sums up the series as a whole.
>
>

Joost Jodocus is the main protagonist of the first part of the Joey's Special Experience series, YES. She appears for the first time in Chapter 1: Tie Your Hat. He is the child of the wealthy Carpenter aristocrat Joshar Jodocus, and the Columnist traitor Satan. She's also the adoptive sibling and later spouse of God.

Although Joost loves God, she often finds herself divorcing him a lot. In her legal battle to divorce God once again, she becomes a Bacon user under the tutelage of her master, Baroque Cepelis.

## Appearance

### Childhood

Despite her Carpenter origins, Joost's humanoid form looked like a normal upper-class Victorian-era boy during her childhood. However, she already looked attractive to people her age. At a certain age, she started taking female hormones in secret to feminize her appearance and "feel like a pretty girl". Her attire consisted of a collared shirt, breeches, and a pair of long socks with shoes. She sometimes wore a formal ribbon, to denote that she's from a noble family. At that age, she could also already turn into a sheep or horse, the signature animals of the Jodocus noble house.

### Adulthood

As an adult, Joost's humanoid form already presented the classical wacky Carpenter anatomy. She has a tall, hyper-muscular, hypermasculine physique, that often causes other people to confuse her gender. She tends to wear a mix of stylized noble tunics and warrior outfits. Her most notorious anatomical features, however, are her beautiful ass and gigantic dong, the latter measuring over 195 cm, according to God.

## Personality

Despite coming across as naive and somewhat stupid, Joost is actually a pretty smart person - at least since she turned twelve. However, she has a very fucked up moral compass, although that's an standard attribute for almost all characters in the series. It's still not as bad as God's though. Joost, unlike the rest of the population of her time, actually believes in true love and healthy relationships, often becoming subject to bullying because of that. She stayed with God for so long because she genuinely loved him, while God only stayed with her for the sexual aspect of the relationship.

However, Joost can also be a very violent person depending on the situation. She is a religious fanatic, like many other Carpenters, and her fanaticism often leads her to have arguments with her husband God (an atheist), and invade other countries. She is also also very fatphobic.

Judging from many of the things that she said in the story, Joost is strongly feminist and hates when women and men fight.

## Abilities

### Carpenter

As a member of the Carpenter race, Joost has many god-like abilities that are used during the story.

**Reincarnation**

Joost, like all Carpenters, is completely immortal unless her soul is destroyed. When she was only five years old, she was purposely killed by her father as a test of her strength. She came back almost immediately, with the help of her magic dog Dionysus.

**Trasformation**

Joost can change her size, gender, body structure and species whenever she needs it. Her most common forms aside from the humanoid one include a sheep, a horse and a phoenix. However, she seems to have problems changing her sex organs, something that she needed to treat with a hormones.

**Creation**

As a literal demigod, Joost can create objects and living beings out of nowhere and reproduce asexually. Some notorious examples include a frog and an entire new Carpenter.

### Bacon

After learning the ancient art of the Sand Combat Technique from Baroque Cepelis, Joost unlocked a set of mystic abilities that would help her in her crusade against God.

#### Abilities

**Download**

Joost can "download" objects (even very heavy ones, like a rock) and access them later.

**Weight Loss**

More of a secondary effect rather than an ability, according to Cepelis, Bacon is great for weight loss.

#### Attacks

**Overload**

*Debut: Chapter 24: In Most Cases There Is No Phone*

The most basic application of Bacon. Joost attacks with her limbs imbued with Bacon energy.

**Hamon Car Overload**

*Debut: Chapter 23: Disadvantages of Bacon Overdose*

A powerful Bacon attack invented as a part of the "Hit The Wall Challenge". It requires Joost to mantain her energy in a rhythm and use her blood pressure. She then attacks using her blood's energy to create shockwaves through a wall.

**My Relationship**

*Debut: Chapter 20: Jack The Rapper and The Strange 3 Airship Piracy*

Joost strengthens her nails by spreading her legs wide and releasing a painful amount of Bacon energy (which stores most of its power in the groin, according to Cepelis). Then, she punches the enemy.

**Biggest Tomatoes**

*Debut: Chapter 27: Food Cake, I Need a Blue Ford Driver.*

By increasing her anxiety, Joost can create a hot telephone that burns everything. He uses this attack to get rid of Bleford's erotic hair tentacles.

**Submarine Bomb**

*Debut: Chapter 28: Identifying the Turquoise and the Horse Part III*

An underwater attack. Since Ham enters water easily, it is perfect to make shortcuts and shake the blood of the user. Joost transmits an underwater disease using Ham-infused punches.

**Guide to the Golden Hell**

*Debut: Chapter 29: The Blue Pilgrimage of the Knights of Creation and Darkness*

When Joost's heart is broken, she can light it on fire to elevate her blood pressure and send multiple Bacon Overdoses through repeated punches. The energy from the attack is so immense that it produces a golden light, hence the name.

**Alaska**

*Debut: Chapter 29: The Blue Pilgrimage of the Knights of Creation and Darkness*

Joost fills a metallic object, like a sword, with metallic algae that can eat the flesh of the rival.

**To Revive the World of Magnetism**

*Debut: Chapter 31: Round Ice Cream*

With a mix of Dadaism and Bacon energy (don't ask), Joost and Cepelis can draw the leaves in the area and magnetise them to create a giant flying leaf. They use it to escape from Wisdom with Bullet Train and P-Mol.

### Weapons

**The Sword of UK (I Am Sorry)**

Joost recieves this sword from Bleford after his defeat. Being made of metal, it is an excellent conductor of Ham energy, which she uses in her final fight against God to her advantage.

## History

Joost comes from a rich family of Carpenters represented by sheep and/or horses. During the timeskip, he is elected to an American political office (despite him worrying earlier in the story that no one would vote for him if he did), and aims to “take control of Iraq.” He is also a mafia boss on the side.

Sometime in his childhood, he drowned in a river and died, but was resurrected by his magic boxer dog, Dionysus. (This may have all been part of a ritual by his father Joshar to make him stronger, though.)

When introduced, Joost is shown to be physically weak but kind-hearted

God comes to stay at the Jodocus manor but despite being a potential ally to Joost he sics Dionysus on him and then proceeds to hit on him. This then leads to a chaotic on-again-off-again relationship.

When Joost was only 12 years old he decided to become intelligent. He then got the shit beat out of him in a boxing match by God.