recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
Music Is Candy For The Ears (1961)

**Rating**: \*\*\*\*\*

**Summary**

Young Carl lives a rough life, scrubbing the floors of the Broken Dreams Orphanage. But one night a star falls into his bed and severely damages his head, meaning he can only communicate through song and dance. Will Carl allow himself to be treated by physicians before his astrally-produced injury kills him?

**Director**

Rico Schmageggie

**Cast**

\* Kyle Sanchez (Carl)

\* Alan Jefferies (Matron Sally Oppresion)

**Didja Know?**

Schmageggie insisted that
during filming all the crew sleep in one oversized novelty bed, used as a prop in the film Yikes! Giants Can't Rumba! (1959).

**Famous Quotes**

Carl: Gotta dance! Gotta dance! My blood is spilling onto my pants!

Matron Oppresion: Your voice sounds like cats gutting a screeching ferret.

Carl: But with joy!

**Critical Views**

"Schmageggie displays no ability to choreograph, to write, or to direct. I still wonder why studios keep giving this man money. To call him a hack is a massive understatement." - Spencer Norman, Filmreel Monthly.
Fish Out Of Water III (1956)

### Summary

Meek Kansas City actuary George Farmer's world is turned upside down when madcap circumstances land him working as a statistician in Iowa City. George must deal with his impractically difficult new job and negotiate life in a foreign city, all while trying to win the heart of office sweetheart Linda.

### Cast

* Alan Jefferies (George Farmer)
* Rebecca Rhys-Towels (Linda Naadz)
* George Lindhurst (Mr Blendheim)
* Toboggan Knight-Cricket (Cecil Farfington)

### Top Trivia

Interestingly, this is not a sequel to any previous films. The correct pronunciation of the title is "Fish Out Of Water The Third", and refers to the aristocratic nature of the fish out of water situation: the fish becoming "the king" of the land he unexpectedly finds himself on. The name of the main character, George Farmer, is a direct reference to "Farmer George", the nickname for George III of England, and is where the 'III' in the title comes from. Audiences didn't understand this subtle allusion but went and saw the film anyway, because everybody loves a sequel.

### Notable Quotes

**George:** Oh boy, leaving Kansas City has had more impact on me than I realized! I'll clear my mind by taking a walk south along Main Street.

**Linda:** Here in Iowa City, Main Street runs east/west.

**George:** Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

### Critical Reception

"Howl at the hard-hearted heavens with a crass criss-crossing over your heavy heady heart." - Gig Wiksen, Annoying Poetry Of The 1950s Weekly
Leveling

## XP Required Per Level

Every time you level up you gain 40 crystals as a reward.

* Level 1 = 0 XP
* Level 2 = 50 XP
* Level 3 = 100 XP
* Level 4 = 175 XP
* Level 5 = 250 XP
* Level 6 = 375 XP
* Level 7 = 500 XP
* Level 8 = 625 XP
* Level 9 = 775 XP
* Level 10 = 950 XP
* Level 11 =1,150 XP
* Level 12 = 1,375 XP
* Level 13 = 1,625 XP
* Level 14 =1,900 XP
* Level 15 = 2,200 XP
* Level 16 = 2,525 XP
* Level 17 = 2,875 XP
* Level 19 = 3,250 XP
* Level 20 = 3,750 XP
* Level 21 = 4,275 XP
* Level 22 = 4,525 XP
* Level 23 = 5,200 XP
* Level 24 = 5,800 XP
* Level 25 = 6,425 XP
* Level 26 = 7,075 XP
* Level 27 = 7,760 XP
* Level 28 = 8,575 XP
* Level 29 = 9,325 XP
* Level 30 = 10,200 XP
* Level 31 = 11,075 XP
* Level 32 = 11,970 XP
Dark Deeds In Hagerstown-Martinsburg (1954)

### Summary

What's supposed to be a joyous family reunion turns into an exercise in dread when Austin St Clair returns to find his Great Aunt Agatha still alive and ready to point out his various failings, shortcomings, and foibles.

### Cast

* Eustace Stratton (Great Aunt Agatha)
* Brian Hanks (Austin St Clair)

### Top Trivia

* Based on the West End smash 'Crikey You're Mean!' American director Greanville was given £30,000 to create a silver screen version, casting the same two leads from the play. But rather than using the comedic strength of the piece, Greanville churned out a moody, incoherent assault on the senses, which inexplicably garnered rave reviews from critics. In fact, Dark Deeds was the first film to utter an expletive. An expletive shouted angrily for four and a half minutes!
* Despite the film being set in England, Greanville insisted on using the name of his native USA's Hagerstown-Martinsburg Metropolitan Area, which constitutes the primary cities of Hagerstown, Maryland and Martinsburg, West Virginia, as well as surrounding areas in three counties: Washington County, Maryland; Berkeley County, West Virginia; and Morgan County, West Virginia. The person writing this trivia is the first one to ever notice.

.

### Notable Quotes

**Great Aunt Agatha:** Austin, you fat-handed oik, I can only say I'm glad I wasn't the one having to force your parasitic form from my birth canal. If I found out back then I was pregnant with you, I swear to god your only memory would have been of the sharp end of a coat hanger thrusting toward your head deep inside my placenta!

**Austin:** CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIST! I HATE THE HOLIDAYS! I HATE YOOOOOOOOOOOOU!

**Great Aunt Agatha:** I hate smoking too, but I force myself to each time I see you in the hope you die the slowest way possible.

### Critical Reception

"A riotous comedy of errors, with a lesson of love for us all! Five stars!" - Blake Dawson, Divorcee Monthly.
Rebecca Rhys-Towels

### Top Trivia

Rhys-Towels never got over her first love: a strangely disfigured church organ salesman who swept her off her feet when she was 14 and then left town with three of her father's cows.

### Notable Quotes

"You never know what's around the corner. Except I do, because I hire someone to walk ahead of me and look around corners."
Howard: Glutton For Food (1999)

### Summary

Howard Bairstowes is a complete glutton for food! No matter what any of his friends or family tries, they can't get him to stop eating. He snacks on vodka jello shots first thing in the morning. At work he sneaks vodka jello shots into board meetings. What can be done with Howard Bairstowes?

### Cast

* Graham Wayans (Howard Bairstowes)
* Bobby Huntsacker (Joe)
* Rebecca Rhys-Towels (Grandma)
* Glenda Saks (Lady Roundedge)

### Top Trivia

Director Drumpfauz originally wanted to cast Greg Caperducci in the role of Howard Bairstowes, but failed to take into account that the actor was 99 years old.

### Notable Quotes

**Grandma:** Howard! Every time I walk in on you, you're chowing down! How much have you eaten today?

**Howard:** Well, let's see... I had six vodka jello shots for morning tea. Then I had twelve vodka jello shots for lunch. And now I'm just enjoying a mid-afternoon snack of seven or eight vodka jello shots.

**Grandma:** Oh, Howard, you're such a glutton!

### Critical Reception

"A harrowing tale of food abuse and the world that refuses to see it." - Tom Shankley, Morning Postage
Concierge, There's A Murder In My Room!! (1977)

### Summary

Detective Raul has never solved a murder case; however when a daily dose of murder is prescribed nightly in the hotel he holidays in, will he become the detective no one thinks he can be?

### Cast

* Pierre Lombardo (Detective Raul)
* Stephanie Eiffel (Carlotta the banana trader)
* Alphonse Ducreux (Matti the Chef)

### Top Trivia

Schmageggie spent most of the film's budget on marketing the film, and made outrageous claims such as "Filmed entirely in space" and "Free Fiat convertible with every viewing", sounding the death knell of the film and his career. For a while anyways.

### Notable Quotes

**Detective Raul:** And another thing sir, my bar fridge is stuffed with the body of a middle aged man.

**Concierge:** I'm deeply sorry sir. We will send up a fruit basket to apologize right away.

*Carlotta comes in with a crate of bananas.*

**Carlotta:** Ai ya ya ya! Who's wants some nanas?

**Detective Raul:** I'll have one.

### Critical Reception

Many reviewers felt it unnecessary for the film to show twenty minutes of Detective Raul eating bananas, but Schmageggie remained adamant it was essential to the story. "If those blackballing bastards don't like it, They can $##%# ^%$# ^%$#% right into a @\*^$## and twist the @#@#$# out of it until it snaps," he was famously quoted as saying.
Garry Hoops

### Top Trivia

Garry Hoops is a graduate of the Piccolo Paruzzio Fine Institute Of Performing Acting. Despite being run by producer Piccolo Paruzzio, the institute has never turned out a single graduate who has been able to work in the industry. The exception is Hoops, whose mother knew a few people in the biz.

### Notable Quotes

"Look, no one really knows what happened in that wheat silo, so let's all just stop talking about it."
The Moocher Who Wouldn't Stop Mooching (1963)

### Summary

Billy Bland poses as a high-achieving postgraduate student in order to defraud the Government, but is ultimately let down by his own laziness when he fails to notify them of an error in his address details and stops receiving scholarship cheques.

### Cast

* Peter Ismail (Billy Bland)
* Isabel Monteith (Billy's girlfriend, whose name we never learn as Billy has forgotten it)
* Howard Carshell (University clerk)

### Top Trivia

Director Brian Peabody initially wanted to name the lead character Pedro Rodriguez but was overruled by executives of film distributors Fatherland Pictures, who feared a repeat of the Little Dominica race riots that followed the release of their 1957 comedy All Hispanic People are Lazy. As a result, most of the "siesta" scenes are absent from the final cut.

### Notable Quotes

**Billy:** (*to university clerk*) Where it says "previous place of learning" on this form, I'm not sure if I should put "couch" or "bedroom". I mean, I usually do most of my learning in bed, but last year I did spend more time on the couch... mainly because I dropped some extra cheesy pizza there and I was sort of fused to it for a bit, but I did learn something kinda important.

**Clerk:** What was that? Don't eat foods with a level of adhesion that exceeds your own motivation to get up?

### Critical Reception

"This film could almost be mistaken as a documentary, given its harrowing portrayal of a man on the edge and a public education system in crisis" - Artie Zimmerman, *Higher Education Review*
No Father Of Mine (1998)

### Summary

Tom Yardley, an unemployed man living in South London, discovers that he is the son of God but doesn't feel like doing anything about it. God, who speaks to Tom through the intercom system in his flat, tries to convince His son to spread His word, but comes up against a poor attitude and tendency to play the victim. Also stars Monica Flarter as Tom's never-married mother.

### Director

Carlton Estwick

###

### Cast

* Seth Pedger (Tom Yardley)
* Sam Bathwest (Voice of God)
* Monica Flarter (Clarissa Yardley)
* Helmut Karff (Stoned Neighbour)
* Sally Parkins (Greta Goodwelt)

### Top Trivia

British director Carlton Estwick campaigned for five years to have this film made, but never succeeded. Except one day he did.

### Notable Quotes

**Voice of God:** Son, listen to me, Glastonbury starts today. I need you to go out there and-

**Tom:** Not interested.

**Voice of God:** It'll be worth it, just hear me out.

**Tom:** Why should I? You've never been a father to me. I've never had a chance. I could have gone to technical college, you know.

**Voice of God:** Well, really, there was nothing to stop you from going to technical college.

**Tom:** Pssht. You don't know the first thing about it.

**Voice of God:** Tom, what can I say to get through to you?

**Tom:** Are we finished? I've got Super Mario on pause.

### Critical Reception

"It'll make you wish that God could be everyone's father!" - Patrick Tosh, Daily Precipice
Cindy Chequers

### Top Trivia

Chequers was only 12 when she played the role of "Baby Sugerlips" in Damn That Jive's Busted (1966). The film's director Rico Schmageggie only found out after the film had wrapped, at which time he famously said: "Holy shitballs! She's 12?!?!?!?!?! I'm so lucky she gave me a concussion and a broken arm and a smashed penis the one time I thought about touching her shoulder!"
Nature Platoon (1997)

### Summary

Rogue Secretary of Defense Alan Crestwood announces that the nation's borders will be defended by small woodland creatures. Foxes, chipmunks, sparrows, owls and field mice are drafted into active duty. Crestwood's plan only fails when it becomes apparent that the animals don't have index fingers to pull the triggers on guns.

### Cast

* John Cottonbud (Alan Crestwood)
* Jerry Detz (Colonel Griffin)
* Francois Burgerschwarz (Senator Michael Unger)
* Halle Schecks (Marnie Crestwood)
* Michael Granger (President Crane)
* Garry Hoops (Futzo)

### Top Trivia

In order to maintain a sense of authenticity, director Bob McStanklily decided not to use trained animals in the making of the film. As a result, he managed to capture very few animals on camera.

### Notable Quotes

**Alan Crestwood:** Mr President, the denizens of this country's woodland have lived off the taxpayer's wallet for too long. Think of it as conscription taken to its natural conclusion.

**Senator Unger:** With respect to the Secretary, it's simply ludricrous! To expect a rodent to not only operate sophisticated military hardware, but to go through the training required of a United States soldier. I mean, how would a sparrow tie his boots?

**President Crane:** All things considered, I think we'll go with it.

### Critical Reception

"Is this movie really so farfetched? Imagine the reconnaisance photos a barn owl could capture of enemy strongholds, or what a fox digging his way into a compound to plant explosive devices could accomplish. Now that is an army working together with its environment." - Bob Yates, Military Today
Indigo Sweater Beige (1981)

### Summary

Acclaimed Swedish arthouse film about a young woman who works as a saxophonist for a cruel magician. She sustains herself by spending hous staring at a creased postcard and delving into a fantasy life in Glotborg, Denmark in which she is a clotheshorse. A woman called Maj offers to take her fishing, but then pulls out to browse around a garden centre instead.

### Cast

* Kerstin Nordlund (Gunilla)
* Ulf Kjellin (Per)
* Nova Frohlander (Maj)
* Sally Nesbitt (Exchange Student) [uncredited]

### Top Trivia

Stenmark shot the film in the village of Skurup, angering locals when he compared their home unfavourably to a landfill of fish heads.

### Notable Quotes

**Gunilla:** Am I really me? And what does it mean to be me? I say this as if being me is something that I might be able to identify or reject from some core knowledge of a pre-defined concept of me-ness, but really how would I know me if I met myself?

**Per:** Maybe you could arrange to use a code word.

### Critical Reception

"This is the last time I go and see a movie based on liking the colours in the title." - Gregg Guttenberg, South Asia Howl
Piccolo Paruzzio

* The Adventures Of A Guy Who Likes To Find Adventure, Excitement And Risk In His Home Town (2004)
* Incredible Face, A Face That's Improbable (2004)
* Quite A Bulimic (2004)
* Don't Open The Medicine Cabinet (2009)

### Top Trivia

Piccolo Paruzzio is the founder of the Piccolo Paruzzio Institute, innovators of the newest sensation in crimping technology: the Crimper 500. It's capable of performing over fifty picture perfect crimps per hour! And it works on nine different materials. One of them is rayon! At the low, low price of $US79, you simply can't afford to pass it up.

### Notable Quotes

"If you see any of my old army buddies, tell them I died."
Earth: Where I Keep All My Stuff (1970)

### Summary

Sol and Lula Schmeckle have been living in the same tenement building for forty years together, slowly collecting more and more crap in their tiny living space. But when their lawyer son returns from lawyering across the country, it's up to them to clear away enough room for him to stay. Will he be able to show patience while they impress upon him the importance of their Diana: People's Princess dinner plate collection?

### Cast

* Anton Bloczek (Sol)
* Delila Montgomery (Lula)
* Alphonse Ducreux (Larry the lawyer)
* Phineas Splogg (Man with hat)

### Top Trivia

* Rico Schmageggie saw this film as an opportunity to explore his roots, not as a Jew growing up in Brooklyn, but as a collector of the useless trinkets that cluttered his massive mansion in the Himalayas. Schmageggie is known for having the largest collection of pogo sticks and dental floss outside the Americas.
* The Princess Diana referred to in the film is of course not the Princess of Wales, but Princess Diana of Panth-Piploda Province, India. She truly was the people's princess.

### Notable Quotes

**Sol:** Oi vey Lula, our pickle of a son is coming home! We have to clear out the schleck!

**Lula:** Don't blame me, Sol. If you didn't leave the army at 22 we would've been living on an installation now like kings!

**Sol:** The boots didn't support my fallen arches, my little bubbala.

### Critical Reception

Many Jewish families felt offended by this portrayal of inner city life and protested cinemas screening this film, but Schmageggie responded with his usual flair; stubbing his cigar out on the smallest and most frail old lady he could find.
Bejunk! (1981)

### Summary

A man in a desperate situation decides to rob a small antiques shop in his local area. When the job goes horribly wrong, his situation goes from desperate to drastic. When his mother sets him up on a blind date in the middle of proceedings, it goes from drastic to acute.

### Cast

* Alphonse Ducreux (Ben Garner)
* Yvonne Samms (Shop owner)
* Kate Schegg (Rhonda Garner)
* Sally Nesbitt (Greta)

### Top Trivia

**Bejunk! (1981)** has a darker intent and a more melancholy mood than Musselaf's previous work. It was filmed after a period of intense laxative-imbibing by the director, and you can see it in every frame.

### Notable Quotes

**Rhonda:** I don't know why you won't just go to dinner with her. It's just dinner!

**Ben:** Ma! I've just shot the old lady who owns the shop in the thigh by accident! Leave me alone!

**Rhonda:** Oh, that's right, I'm always in the way. I should just go home, should I?

**Ben:** Ma!

**Shop owner:** (*through gritted teeth*) Nggggnnn!

### Critical Reception

"The actors should have been taller." - Carl Nibson, Sandwich Trade Newsletter
Unstable Sword

```
Description

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The Unstable Sword is one of the most powerful swords in this vanilla mod pack.

```
Obtaining

```

To craft an Unstable Sword, drop a diamond sword and an Unstable Ingot together on the ground. You must be careful because if an Unstable Sword is left on the ground for more than 15 seconds, it will explode.

```
Usage and Stats

```

The Unstable Sword is used as a heavy-damage melee weapon. It does +13 Attack Damage, has an Attack Speed of 1.6, has Knockback I, has Fire Aspect I, and has Unbreaking I. Dropping the Unstable Sword can result in an explosion if left on the ground for more than 15 seconds, making it dangerous to have in your inventory when keepInventory is off, as it will destroy all of your items.
The Abominable Paper Chase (1961)

### Summary

Dr Sam Huntingdon-Christmas leads a motley crew of explorers on the last great hunt - the legendary Himalayan paper trail. Led by Sherpa guide Lao Shang, the group experience the highs and lows of Tibetan office politics, grabs for power, and mundane technical hurdles. All at 1200 ft above sea level, where only the most hardy can host Powerpoint presentations about profit assessments for Europe in the last 5 fiscal quarters.

### Cast

* Phineas Splogg (Dr Huntingdon-Christmas)
* Gam Cheng Sing (Lao Shang)
* Toboggan Knight-Cricket (Jenson Sasquatch)

### Top Trivia

Actor Gam Cheng Sing hailed from the kingdom of Bhutan, and found it incredibly difficult portraying a Nepalese sherpa for the film. Most of the Western cast and crew however, didn't care.

### Notable Quotes

**Dr Huntingdon-Christmas:** 47 days? Lost in this filing wilderness with little to sustain our voyage apart from gossip from Marketing?

**Lao Shang:** I hear Jenson and the copy girl were caught in the supply closet, and there was a lot to see.....

**Jenson:** I trusted you, Shang!

### Critical Reception

"One of the best fish-out-of-water tales since Fish Out Of Water III (1956)!" - Carl Fassbinder, Women With Knives Weekly.
Lest The Foibles Ruin My Suit (1976)

### Summary

An English fop finds himself in Louisiana, where he mercilessly lambasts the inability of the local populace to properly care for his habiliments. He learns a lesson in humility when an exiled member of the French aristocracy calls him a pathetic little *connard*.

### Cast

* Sam Bathwest (Bertram Grosvenor)
* Paul Wingtip (Bobby Lee Larsen)
* Laurent Gagnon (Pascal De Saint-Pierre)
* Tony Stacchio (Jim Bob Taccone)
* 'Cat Dog' McMahon (Himself)

### Top Trivia

There was a real-life rivalry between Sam Bathwest and Laurent Gagnon on set. Every day Bathwest would put a plastic snake somewhere in Gagnon's trailer, while Gagnon laced Bathwest's meals with arsenic.

### Notable Quotes

**Bertram:** My cravat is caked in salad cream from one of those vulgar hamburgers that you people insist on eating.

**Bobby Lee:** Aw now, that's just mayonnaise. It'll wash right out, sure 'nuff.

**Bertram:** Wash a cravat! Oh, you poor, poor boy. If it's not too taxing, could you point me in the direction of a passable milliner? The band on my Wellington is in a deplorable state.

**Bobby Lee:** A-whaa'?

### Critical Reception

"What the film lacks in character depth, it makes up for in peaked lapels." - Hans Pekman, *Modern Dress*
Fauxfilms Wikia

## Welcome to the Fauxfilms Wikia

A complete guide to every film that never was. You are always welcome here. Forever welcome.

## About Fauxfilms

Ever not see a movie and wonder what it wasn't? Now there's a place for you to read about it!

## Latest activity

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Party Monkeys 13 (1996)

### Summary

The latest in a long line of Party Monkey films, this one sees Dan graduating Bananas University and throwing an all-out bash for Tri Itchy Itchy fraternity. But will Maximillian Forebode return to sort Dan out once and for all?

### Cast

* Howard Manson ( Dan)
* Kate Schegg (Becky Ross)
* Christine Parker (Moeline)
* Stephanie Eiffel (Professor Teacher)

### Top Trivia

Animal Trainer and all round bastard Dusty Marlboro was asked to return to train the chimps to perform various acts like ripping telephone books in two, defusing bombs, and equestrian activities.

### Notable Quotes

**Dan:** The only graduation I'm interested in is for the class of PARTYING DOWN!

**Professor Teacher:** I'll give you a partial credit for that.

### Critical Reception

This film played to packed houses throughout the major metropolitan cities of the country, but only because the posters were mis-spelled with the words, 'Cure for HIV and Cancer'. Many think producer Rico Schmageggie had something to do with this, and they're probably right.
Mikey Cowde

* The Adventures Of A Guy Who Likes To Find Adventure, Excitement And Risk In His Home Town (2004)

### Top Trivia

Cowde laboured in Hollywood for 20 years before landing his breakthrough role as Francois in The Adventures Of A Guy Who Likes To Find Adventure, Excitement And Risk In His Home Town (2004).

### Notable Quotes

"It wasn't worth laboring in Hollywood for 20 years for that."
Carlton Estwick

### Top Trivia

British filmmaker Carlton Estwick has been responsible for some very profitable Hollywood films, but has always claimed to be "faintly ashamed" of his more commercial work. Throughout his career he has returned time and again to making films in England, each time hoping to gain the critical respect that has always eluded him.

### Notable Quotes

"Oh, now, come on, I don't deserve that."
I Picked Up His Head By His Head (1962)

### Summary

A peaceful family holiday in the Texas Appalachians turns frightening when the Bogg family stumble upon the farmhouse of the Trameer clan - an inbred, psychopathic, ballad-crooning quartet.

### Cast

* Alphonse Ducreux (Marty Bogg)
* Clara Dumfries (Sara Bogg)
* Max Preece (Boggy Trameer)
* Ken Cortman (Soggy Trameer)

### Top Trivia

For the title scene, Schmageggie employed the services of FX whizz Ron Rancini, who previously worked with Schmageggie on Why Is Everybody Whispering?? (1953), Yikes! Giants Can't Rumba! (1959) and Music Is Candy For The Ears (1961). Ron constructed a human head at first thought to be a marvel of effects, but which was quickly deemed to be a real human head, taken from a Puerto Rican prostitute Schmageggie was known to liaise with. In atypical style, Schmageggie responded to any accusations of murder with severe beatings and recriminations.

### Notable Quotes

**Marty Bogg:** I don't think anyone lives here, Sara...

**Sara Bogg:** What about all those people moving those big bags into that grinder?

**Marty Bogg:** Sara, what you dont realize is- AAAAARGH! YAAAAAAAARGH! AAAAAAAAAARGH!

**Sara Bogg:** Marty! Marty, what's wrong?

**Marty Bogg:** I swallowed a sand fly!

### Critical Reception

Puritanical newspaper 'Printed by the Prophet' called upon all 15 of its subscribers to rally against the opening of this film. It doesn't sound like much, but these 15 people were of the most influential business groups in the United states and managed to ban all screenings of this film throughout the country. A small 10 seat cinema in Kerala, India was able to screen the movie for a week as they claimed their Hindu God Ramageshni appeared in the areola of Clara Dumfries.
Robber Baron Uncle Sam And The Blood Of The Proletariat (1950)

### Summary

Written and directed by Howard E. Greanville, a socialist yet misanthropic filmmaker, this portrait of mid-century American farm life was shot through with both communist and world-hating philosophies.

### Cast

* Harold Spew (Pa Gumble)
* Rebecca Rhys-Towels (Ma Gumble)
* Dennis Safter (Junior Gumble)

### Top Trivia

* The cast of Charles Lindquist Jr.'s Spleens Of Christendom (1947) was largely reused for this film, because Greanville found that easier than having to deal with casting agents, who he detested.
* This is the film that saw Greanville blacklisted in Hollywood and forced to work the rest of his days in the United Kingdom, which he described as "The hell of other people combined with the stench of jellied eel."

###

### Notable Quotes

**Pa Gumble:** Junior, I want you to go out and work the land so we can pay the America Town Bank.

**Junior Gumble:** But Pa, I got the palsy real bad, and the banks are just a bunch of rich fat cats gettin' richer off of my hard labor.

**Pa Gumble:** God, we both stink so much. And we're hard to be around and no man could be held accountable for just outright killing us all right now.

**Ma Gumble:** We're walking scum. Also the workers should control the means of production.

### Critical Reception

"Greanville clearly rewrote his script on set to incorporate very specific comments about his cast's body odour and facial features. An extended diatribe about Ma Gumble's "porous nose" sits uncomfortably in the film's climactic speech decrying the institution of private property." - Roberta Clack, *Huge Hands Daily*
Harold Spew

### Top Trivia

Spew was a hardcore right-wing idealogue, and had to be tricked into learning his Communism-endorsing lines in Robber Baron Uncle Sam And The Blood Of The Proletariat (1950) by only being fed one word at a time, which he learned phonetically.

### Notable Quotes

"You'll have to pry the cold, dead hand of this pinko from my cold, dead hands."
Howard E. Greanville

### Top Trivia

Omaha native Greanville was forced into exile in the United Kingdom after his film Robber Baron Uncle Sam And The Blood Of The Proletariat (1950) had him blacklisted in Hollywood.

### Notable Quotes

"I can't abide these limeys, but they're better than those godamned French bastards. And, of course, all men are brothers, etc."
Frenchie Freak-up! (1965)

### Summary

When Frenchston Filimore finds a pink mushroom under his pet tree's trunk, he goes on a wild freakout into the land of giant fruit and rainbows, where under the wing of Corporal Groove he embarks on many adventures accessible to all key demographic targets.

### Cast

* Steven Reubens (Frenchie Filimore)
* Cappa Bongo Glowfinger (Corporal Groove)
* Gam Cheng Sing (Exotic hippie)

### Top Trivia

This was the first film to be made completely with marketing in mind. Swango Enterprises were keen to profit off the swinging 60s, and with Jamaican-born percussionist and Woodstock favourite Cappa Bongo Glowfinger, they knew they were onto a sure thing. Despite some protest from the peacenik movement (outraged that a corporation could profit from their free-loving attitudes), their ineptitude at organising an effective blockade of marketing meant the film succeeded.

### Notable Quotes

**Frenchie:** Oh man Captain Groove, the river of love has turned brown! What happened to the colors, man?

**Captain Groove:** It's the bad Juju of modern times my brother. All the hatred and white collar attitudes have bled the life away!

**Frenchie:** How do we get the color and flavor back?

**Captain Groove:** Cokie Colas man. Drink as many as you can. They're a great price, and taste so groovy. And make love. As much love as you can.

### Critical Reception

Geoff Whitecollar of Business Weekly Monthly wrote: "This film has nothing but contempt for what we, as hard working Americans do to improve the U.S economy while those smelly, hairy 'sex do-ers' are sleeping in every day."
Wait! There's More! (1941)

### Summary

This short film sees Teenage Bob waiting in line to see the film *RollerJazz* with his friends. He overhears that the cinema has lost the climactic final reel of the film. Can Bob find the missing reel and be the hero of the milk bar?

### Cast

* James McArthur (Bob)
* Greg Caperducci (Captain Alabama)
* Fritz Blitzlauch (Unseen Crowd Member)

### Top Trivia

* The student film was Rico Schmageggie's first and is considered to be not influential in the least.
* Greg Caperducci was arrested for assaulting Schmageggie after the director took 373 takes to capture Greg saying one word: "Oh."
* It was followed a year later by Wait! There's More 2: Even More To Wait For! (1942).

### Notable Quotes

**Bob:** Give me the missing reel, Alabama, you know we gotta see the end!

**Alabama:** That's Captain Alabama, boy!

**Bob:** Army, or Navy?

**Alabama:** Both. And neither.

### Critical Reception

Recieved some acclaim in the Midwest, however Schmageggie's insistence on attending the premiere screening naked did effect the popularity.
Frankhelm Musselaf

### Top Trivia

Frankhelm Musselaf is an elusive figure in the cinema world, rarely granting interviews with the press. Since he ceased making films in the early 1980s, it is believed he's been holed up in an abandoned flour silo in the Russian hinterland, working on a giant book of jokes.

### Notable Quotes

"I film what I believe, not what I want you to believe. If you believe it, then please stop. My beliefs are copyrighted. I'm serious."
Japanese Dinner (1997)

**Synopsis**

Young Hiro Kenjiro earns his place amongst the men of his small fishing village by tracking and harpooning a particularly elusive and tasty killer whale that has been taunting the village for years with its acclaimed Hollywood cameos.

**Director**

Naboro Ayugai

**Cast**

\* Taruki Hamogachi (Hiro Kenjiro)

\* Keitaro Akhiko (Stern Village Head)

\* Grrrrko (The dinner)

**Didja Know?**

Originally devised as a shameless propaganda film by the Japanese Whaling Commission, "Japanese Dinner" won critical acclaim and several Oscars, mainly because the Japanese characters were all so unlikeable it was assumed to be an anti-whaling film.

**Famous Scenes**

Hiro: Can anyone else smell chips?

Village Head: Chips? What, no? Shut up, insolent boy!

Hiro: Well I can. I can smell them on that table in about ten minutes' time, with a whoppping great whale-steak on the side. Yeeee haaaa!

(Hiro harpoons a passing whale and grabs hold of his surfboard as he's flung out off the rocky headland)

**Critical Views**

"This film, like, totally manages to combine extreme tragedy and awesome A-frames." - Lance Miller, Surfers Against Whaling Magazine
Be Careful Kid, You'll Get Hit By A Car (1977)

### Summary

Man warns kid to be careful or face the prospect of getting hit by a car. For the remainder of his life, man is unable to stop thinking about that day and begins to view it as an almost mystical experience, although everybody he knows just wishes he'd shut up.

### Cast

* James Melfitt (Pike Cunningham)
* Margot Childs (Gail Cunningham)
* Ken Cortman (Old Ron)
* Walt Rabbs (Kid)

### Top Trivia

The film's score was written by Chip Ragler, most famous for his roles in action punch-em-ups such as Push Me And Die (1973) and Came To Wound (1984), but also a terrible composer in his own right.

### Notable Quotes

**Pike:** It's the way he looked at me. As if to say "You're right, I don't want to be hit by a car." But without words, you know.

**Gail:** You realise you've been talking about this for twelve years now.

**Pike:** I wonder what he's doing right now.

**Pike:** I didn't think anything of it at the time, but he was wearing basketball sneakers. Do you think that's important?

**Old Ron:** Aw, Jesus, buddy. Are you still yammering about that kid?

**Pike:** The reason I mention it is that he stepped away from the road a little after I warned him about the cars. I don't know if it matters that he was wearing basketball sneakers or not - maybe it doesn't - but there was a very slight spring in his step.

**Old Ron:** I'm going to stop drinking at this bar if you keep coming here.

**Pike:** I wonder what he's doing right now.

### Critical Reception

"It goes further than any previous film in the kid-is-told-to-be-careful/kid-is-careful lexicon." - Brian Rathers, Facewall Magazine
Love at 45 R.P.M. (1996)

### Summary

Bobby runs a small town record store in upstate New York. When Alberta opens her own record store across the street, the scene is set for some pedestrian and contrived situations at the exact moment audiences expect to see it.

### Cast

* John Cottonbud (Bobby)
* Rebecca Rhys-Towels (Alberta)
* Milo the Walrus (Chompers)
* Robert Marrone (Distinguished gangster)

### Top Trivia

* Love at 45 R.P.M was a return to film for the then 74 year-old Schmageggie, after the marketing disaster of Concierge, There's A Murder In My Room!! (1977). Despite his long absence there was little to no media buzz surrounding his return, as no one wanted to encourage him.
* Milo the Walrus had to be euthanized after trying to variously eat and rape members of the cast and crew - however, for the first 3 months of shooting, no one was 100% sure it wasn't John Cottonbud.

### Notable Quotes

**John:** Bowie was right man, Is there Life on Mars? And if there is, can I bone it?

**Chompers:** Rrrrr-rrrrowf! Hurf hurf hurf!

**John:** Not without a crowbar and pepper spray, Chompers!

**Alberta:** I'm a lady.

### Critical Reception

Director Schmageggie came under fire again for not being able to give women substance in their roles; nationally respected critic Howard Sachs pointed out the character Alberta would only point at her breasts and say "I'm a lady" throughout the entire film.
Carbon-Based Behavior Capsule (2002)

### Summary

Two adult humans ingest sustenance through prominent frontal orifices, while also using said orifices to produce sounds for the purpose of communication. They cease momentarily in order to reproduce and exhibit behaviour that indicates an aversion to sustained electrical currents.

### Producers

* Lawrence Leadbaum
* Xoxtk 7219z

### Cast

* Roger Battersea (Anderoo)
* Sally Parkins (Katrinaa)
* Graham Wayans (Sustenance bringer)
* Garry Hoops (My-kel)

### Top Trivia

This was the first film to be written and produced by an extra-terrestrial. After the Rotterdam Landings of 1997, Lawrence Leadbaum approached Xoxtk 7219z and signed him to a three picture deal with his company, ScopeView Productions.

### Notable Quotes

**Anderoo:** Excuse me for a moment while I eject waste matter from my body.

**Katrinaa:** The ejection of waste is of utmost importance.

**Anderoo:** Acknowledged. Low level warning, another human is approaching. I am now attempting recognition.

**Katrinaa:** I will also attempt recognition.

**Anderoo:** I have successfully identified this human. It is a member of my family net.

**Katrinaa:** Which I independently confirm.

**My-kel:** I bare my teeth to you in greeting.

**Anderoo & Katrinaa:** And we to you.

**My-kel:** There are now two males and one female in close proximity. Accordingly, I will attempt to gain social dominance over you, Anderoo.

**Anderoo:** I accept this but will not allow you dominance without contention.

### Critical Reception

* "Lingers long after the lights come up. We can be grateful that films of quiet, unique beauty continue to be made." - Bruce Bennett, Spectrum (St. George, Utah)
* "A huge, brooding expanse of a film that intricately tangles love and tragedy and passion and anger and violence into one giant collage that sometimes threatens to engulf the viewer with all its complexities." - James Kendrick, Q Network Film Desk
* "The film is infused with 7219z's sarcastic sense of humor and engages us with questions of what makes a life worth living." - Lori Hoffman, Atlantic City Weekly
* "It is testimony to the strength of this haunting story that it can sustain its fascination for every minute of its 3 1/2-hour-plus length." - Margaret A. McGurk, Cincinnati Enquirer
Bleach (2002)

### Summary

Moody urban thriller in which a good-looking loner works long hours as a London coach station cleaner, causing his hands to smell permanently of cleaning products. A chance encounter with a rich woman in a supermarket leads him into a dark, erotic world where bleach is an aphrodisiac and a human body is just one more item to trade.

### Director

Carlton Estwick

###

### Cast

* Gryf Penton (Nic)
* Wendy Mainwaring (Trina)
* Sam Bathwest (Father Pro)

### Top Trivia

This was Carlton Estwick's attempt to show his critics that he could do a complex and sexually-charged thriller. In an effort to purge his trademark good humour from the film, he instructed all actors that they were to look darkly pensive at all times. Even the cinematographer, Greaves Talbot, was told to point the camera 'darkly' and 'pensively'. The film's unit nurse administered paracetemol to crew members in a darkly pensive manner.

### Notable Quotes

**Nic:** I don't know what you want from me, Mrs Yarmouth.

**Trina:** Please, Nic, you must call me Trina. Yes, stroke my face with your hands.

**Nic:** All you seem to care about is smelling my hands. Don't you think there's more in the world?

**Trina:** There's more in the world, and I've seen it. Trust me, I'm better off right here, with your bleach-tinged pinky in my nostril. That's it, twist it a little, sweetie.

**Nic:** What do they call it when you feel more like a loner being with someone than when you were alone?

**Trina:** Oh, oh yeah. That's the bleach. I must introduce you to my female friends.

### Critical Reception

* "Estwick's attempts at eroticism are laughable. My hands stayed firmly out of my pants." - Peter Garble, *London Hurdy Gurdy*
* "You'll catch yourself in the bathroom, on your hands and knees, taking a whiff of your mop and bucket without even realising it." - Freya Wickes, *Puce UK*
Chip Talbot

* The Adventures Of A Guy Who Likes To Find Adventure, Excitement And Risk In His Home Town (2004)

### Top Trivia

Talbot hated playing a gorilla in The Adventures Of A Guy Who Likes To Find Adventure, Excitement And Risk In His Home Town (2004) so much that he swore to kill ten gorillas a week for the rest of his life. He later retracted this oath when he realised how much hard work it was going to be.

### Notable Quotes

"Just slap a sexy girl on it. No one will notice."
Yikes! Giants Can't Rumba! (1959)

**Rating**: \*\*\*\*

**Summary**

Part-time dentist and P.I Malcolm Grammar investigates the murder of giant killer Mack Slashdot, but not even Malcolm and his composed and clinical nature can be prepared for a journey into the vast nation of Gargantua, where a competition in latin dance brings him into the giant arms of Sophie. Can Malcolm uncover Mack's killer, unravel Sophie's past and return by May 15th for his root canal appointment with the Beast With 1,000 Teeth?

**Director**

Rico Schmageggie

**Cast**

\* Natalie Gassbag (Sophie)

\* Alan Jefferies (Malcolm)

**Didja Know?**

Director Schmageggie was paid 1,000,000 kopecks by the government of Gargantua Upper, a vast nation actually populated by giants. However simmering tensions with their neighbours Gargantuan Lower shorty afterward came to a head, plunging both nations into a long and bloody war. Many blame Schmageggie for this, as he also in turn invested in Gargantua Upper's military infrastructure to finance his and long-time collaborator Piccolo Paruzzio's chain of coffee houses, the 'Boiled Bean' company.

**Famous Quotes**

Sophie: Malcolm, the rhythm of my people flows through this dance. It starts in the hips, snakes it's way hotly into the limbs, and then down into our powerful, tanned thighs.

Malcolm: That's all well and good Sophie, but you keep treading on my feet.

Sophie: That's not me treading on them Malcolm. That's my people treading on them.

**Critical Views**

Many critics were outraged that Schmageggie should profit from an oppressed people. Kevin Negleberg was famously quoted saying to Schmageggie, "The worst kind of human slug gains from the misery of millions of dispossessed people," to which Schmageggie laughed, shook his exposed testicles and drank another coffee.
Night Fever Bursaries (1981)

### Summary

Billy and Jack are the chief financial administrators at Highwood University, solemnly carrying out their duties as custodians of university funds. But by night they hit the fiery dance floors of the Baile del Fuego district. When the mysterious Maria Caliente enters their world, the scene is set for a confrontation that could tear their friendship apart.

### Cast

* Fiers Brecknock (Billy Green)
* Paul Wingtip (Jack Germany)
* Isabel Almoda (Maria Caliente)
* Pierre Lombardo (Enrique Angeroso)

### Top Trivia

Spanish actress Isabel Almoda had to perfect a Cuban accent for this film, even though she was playing a Puerto Rican. At the time Frankhelm Musselaf insisted it was for a reason, although later he confessed that he was just confused.

### Notable Quotes

**Billy:** Think about this, Jack! We can't allow a woman to affect our ability to collect tuition and union fees, organise student loans and bill for campus housing!

**Jack:** You made your decision when you came here to La Almeja Apasionada tonight. Now dance!

### Critical Reception

"Little can be said of this film that hasn't been said countless times before. Indeed, like all great art, it is best not viewed at all, but imagined, like a dog may well imagine his final resting place, beside his doghouse, but up on a cloud instead of on the ground." - Tilly Lommins, Facewall Magazine
The Sex Ghost (1968)

### Summary

Henrietta Carmichael finds herself the victim of a horrible murder and then is forced to return as a ghost to her Boston home, unable to leave the house to find her killer. Hope emerges for Henrietta when she discovers she can communicate with the house's new owner and move real-world objects by concentrating very hard. However, the new owner's offer to help her solve her murder hinges on a rather indecent proposal...

### Cast

* Isabel Monteith (Henrietta Carmichael and Ghost Henrietta)
* Dwight Teller (Bob Freils)
* Wendy Mainwaring (Young Henrietta)

### Top Trivia

Director Brian Peabody made this film as his own personal tribute to the sexual revolution of the late 60s, but ironically it led to his castration by a coalition of four feminist groups and a permanent travel ban to most of the developed world.

### Notable Quotes

**Bob:** "If you can make that clock fly across the room you can surely raise what's in my pants a few inches. It ain't magic honey."

### Critical Reception

"You become accustomed to the gratuitous misogyny of this film after a while, but the scene with the rabbits made me physically ill" - Wayne Spencer, *Oregon Botanical News*
Tigers In Tokyo IV: The Last Roar (1988)

### Summary

The San Diego Trainee Tiger-Catching Force is reunited one last time to help the beleaguered citizens of Tokyo as they face yet another tiger spree. This time the big cats are a peculiar breed of space tiger that have hatched from giant alien eggs implanted beneath the earth's crust. If the team don't save "Matchstick City" this time, Japan's capital really will have heard its last roar!

### Cast

* Fred Watson (Buddy)
* Fiers Brecknock (Gurn)
* Kentiro Amiko (Haruki)
* Melissa Batch (Ponytail)
* Eustace Stratton (Confused cameo)

### Top Trivia

* Having exhausted all plausible reasons why Tokyo would be overrun by tigers in the first three films (zoo breakout; rich yet insane big-game hunter; crashed container ship of tigers, respectively), Tigers In Tokyo IV was left with the less-than-satisfactory plot device of alien tigers. Director Kate Fidder, who was new to the franchise, introduced the idea of making the tigers mauve and imbuing them with the power of speech, which made it even more less-than-satisfactory.
* British actor Eustace Stratton was so confused in her cameo in this film that the producers had no choice but to credit her as such.

### Notable Quotes

**Gurn:** Buddy! Incapacitate that tiger!

**Buddy:** Which one? There are so many!

**Tiger:** I think he means me, the one that's about to bite him.

**Gurn:** Ouuuuuch!

**Haruki:** Ack! These alien tigers are totally bogus!

### Critical Reception

"Completely ruins the quiet elegance of the T.I.T. series." - Rowan Grist, NerdBang.com
DARP RB App

**User Name:** Oli

**Amount of Edits:** Special:EditCount/EvilhariboMadness

**Amount of Characters:** 14 active characters

**Reasons why you think you would be a good addition as an admin:** While my coding is nowhere near on the level of Brocky or Catty's, I'd like to think I can code okay with making things such as this and this. I know speaking in chat might not be my strongest point currently (which is something I'm working on), but I have been getting more involved steadily and contributing more in general. In terms of experience I've been an admin on another wiki for roughly a year now, specifically for event-running, and while it's not DARP experience, it's better than nothing. In terms of being involved with events on DARP, I've had two characters participate in adult Quidditch (one for the world cup and another as a player/manager) and have had a healer and a teacher at this point. Whilst I know keeping up with this isn't my strong point, I've decided with my current characters - a head of house, a teacher and a student on the Ravenclaw Quidditch team - I'm going to do my best! I'd like to be a rollback as I like to think of myself as inviting and able to be welcoming to the newer userbase as well as being helpful to the community in general without disappointing.

**Any Other Things you want to add:** Good luck to everyone else running, y'all queens c:

User:EvilhariboMadness/sig
All My Friends Are Dead (1976)

### Summary

Depressing story of Jack, a man who's friends are, suprisingly, all dead. Two hours of Jack bemoaning his lot in life in an empty bread factory.

### Top Trivia

A single was released by Butterfly records. Titled 'Dead', it was a three minute track of gentle weeping recorded at the funeral of a hapless victim of a mustard accident.

### Notable Quotes

**Jack*:*** Willy's gone, so is Amy. I thought Jenny was okay, then I called and her mum said she was gone. So is Tim.

### Critical Reception

Enjoyed critical acclaim at French film festivals, but mostly as there was a painting in the background of a naked, hirsuite woman.