The Rockets

The Rockets were an American musical group founded in 2016. The group served as a backing band for American artist Kareem E. Britches (then known as Yazzy Yeff).

Principle members of the band included: Fuddgy Pants, Lil Jubby, Michael "Rock Lobster" Jenkins, Donald "The Don" Donaldson, Micky Finns, Isaac Moishe, Randal Quiggly, Sloppy Joe, Jen, Fred "The Dorf" Dorfman, Clyde, Other Jen, Randall Quiggly (no relation to the other), Gingy "Bread" Thompson, Tynisha, Melinda, Debby/Beth (not known which it was), and D'wayne "The Main Brain" McClean ("The Bringer of Pain in Spain").

## History

### Formation

The group began as an offshoot of the Lee Harvey Oswald Middle School sixth grade band class. The teacher of the class, Fred Dorfman (a member of the band ultimately himself) chose from some of the most talented student to form a group that would tour locally and perform to raise money for the school's band program (which was in dire straits financially).

The group's was known for their emotional rendition of "Mary Had A Little Lamb" and Dorman's own song "Dorf Punk".

### Joining Yazzy Yeff

During the fall semester of 2016, the band noticed a man who would loiter right outside the band room window while they practiced. Eventually, Dorfman went to chase the man away. However, the man (Yazzy Yeff) informed Dorfman that he was interested in using The Rockets as his backing band. Hesitant, Dorfman eventually agreed when Yazzy Yeff informed him that the Guinea Pig Record label would compensate the group handsomely.

The Rockets served as the backing band for Yazzy Yeff's first few songs for Guinea Pig Records, including his first single "Booty Blaster" (pulled after release). Many of the sessions produced incoherent jams that were not suited for release. Further complicating matters was the fact that most of the band members quit throughout these sessions, citing unsanitary recording conditions as an insurmountable detriment.

Today, the only remnant left from the Rockets' time with Yazzy Yeff is his *de facto* debut "BootyTown USA!". Only Fuddgy Pants, Lil Jubby, Gingy Bread, and one of the Randal Quigglys appear on the track.

### Reunion and Tragedy

By early September of 2016, each member of the Rockets had left Yazzy Yeff. However, the Lee Harvey Oswald Middle School band program was once again in danger of being shut down. Thus, when Yazzy Yeff once again approached the group about a reunion tour, Dorfman was reluctantly willing to hear him out. Yazzy Yeff claimed that "BootyTown USA!" was "tremendously successful" in Peru. Unbeknownst to Dorfman, this statement was a gross exaggeration. Thus, Dorfman agreed to once again have the Rockets back Yazzy Yeff, provided his label cover all traveling-related expenses.

On September 10, 2016, the Rockets departed Waukegan Airport onboard a Boeing 247 (charted by Yazzy Yeff himself) headed directly to Lima, Peru. Yazzy Yeff himself was suppose to join the Rockets onboard the flight, but had forgotten about the tour entirely, and was at home eating chili at the time of departure. Unfortunately, the fuel capacity of the Boeing 247 contained under 1% of the fuel necessary to make it to Peru. Further spelling danger for the flight was the fact that the pilot, Bubba Jumbo, was still a Pilot-In-Training with only had two hours of flight time (Jumbo was Yazzy Yeff's marijuana dealer, who viewed flying as a "cool hobby"). Finally complicating matters, Jumbo had smoked roughly five ounces of Marijuana over a thirty minute period that morning. Less than one minute after takeoff, the plane spun out of control and crashed into a retired nuclear power plant in Zion, Illinois, instantly killing all onboard.

A subsequent investigation by the National Transportation Safety Board determined that Pilot Jumbo had been distracted during and after takeoff as he watched an episode of *Rick and Morty* on his smartphone. Once he realized the plane was out of control, Jumbo attempted to eject from the plane. It is unlikely that Jumbo had enough time to discover that there is no eject function on the Boeing 247.

### Tributes

Yazzy Yeff set up a memorial tribute concert to be held in Zion on the night of September 11, 2016. However, Yazzy Yeff forgot to advertise the concert, and as a result not a single person attended (Yazzy Yeff included).

When asked about The Rockets in 2019, Yazzy Yeff (then known as Kareem E. Britches) said "who?".