Kurt Kobane

## Meme Status: Legendary (Character)

> "With Kurt Kobane Here."
>
>

## With Kurt Kobane Here

Portrait of Kurt Kobane by David Takahashi at the Panther House

### Aliases

Kurt Kobane, Kurtka-Kurtka-Kurtka, Kurt Kobane Here, Prince Kurt Kobane Hirohito

### Relatives

Emperor Hirohito (father), CIA Genetic Amalgamation Prototype-0x1 (mother), Kurt Kobane (clones), Kirk Kobane (genetic brother), Princess Teru, Princess Hisa, Princess Taka, Princess Yori, Akihito Emperor of Japan, Prince Hitachi, Princess Suga (blood brothers and sisters through Hirohito)

## Physical description

### Origin

One night at Rowan's friend's house, one of Rowan's friends was playing Jojo's Bizarre Adventure for the PS1. The character he was playing as would shout random Japanese shmick, that sounded like: "YO! YO! KURT KOBANE!" It was funny at first because it sounded like a messed up version of Kurt Kobain. That became a meme instantly. Previously, Rowan had made a meme character that was an impression of a handsome yet butt-chinned news anchor, somewhat influenced by David Muir[1] of ABC news. Jonathan recommended naming the news anchor after the KURT KOBANE meme. Eventually his character was built, which includes unhealthy narcissism, an almost ubiquitous presence in every media outlet, commericial, and industry, and even a heritage and backstory.

### Backstory

Kurt Kobane or With Kurt Kobane Here (full name) is a half-Japanese news anchor who always has the same facial expression no matter what he's doing. He exists in every single commercial, every news outlet, every tv show, and exists as a representative for every industry and company in the meme world he lives in. Every commercial and ad ends with "With Kurt Kobane", his favorite catchphrase, which is also his name. His professions include being a news anchorman, famous movie actor, famous singer, rapper, golf commentator, media mogul, CEO, amusement park reviewer, and more.

Kurt Kobane, in reality, is the genetic cloning experiment conducted by the CIA. Kurt Kobane was born on June 21, 1945, as World War II was nearing its end. Japanese officials learned ahead of time of the thermonuclear bombs held by the United States. The Japanese enlisted help with a hidden power group who orchestrated Project Overcast (later renamed Operation Paperclip), which began in part by a mutual agreement to "assist in shortening the Japanese war." The threat of nuclear attack and dismantling of the Japanese empire and royal power structure scared the royal family. With the enlisted help of over 1,600 Nazi German scientists and engineers smuggled to the United States, they were able to create a contingency plan for the Japanese government, one that would ensure the survival of the royal Japanese family. Kurt Kobane was created through the gene splicing of every single king, emperor, and ruler throughout history. Through this process they were able to create Kurt Kobane's mother, CIA Amalgamation Prototype-0x1. His father is Emperor Hirohito of Japan. Kurt Kobane was created as a result of such dire circumstances.

However, after the unexpectedly peaceful dismantling of Japan's massive empire, Kurt Kobane was no longer needed for his initial purpose, and so was preserved in a cryogenic slumber until 1996. As a part of their plans to create a "perfect" (physically attractive) the CIA recruited him as media figure plant. His job was to help the CIA brainwash the public with his distracting good looks, charm, and charisma. However, as a result of having so many narcissistic, worshiped kings and rulers in his blood, he is the single most narcissistic, self-absorbed person in the world, constantly worshiping his own looks and popularity and caring for nothing else.

However, there isn't just one Kurt Kobane, there are *hundreds.* That's how he can be in several places at once, like commentating a basketball game in Chicago while also reporting the local news of Washington at the same time. Each Kurt Kobane is an update of the last, improving his physical characteristics so he gets more and more handsome. With each update, however, he gets more and more narcissistic. As a matter of fact, there is an underground Kurt Kobane community, government, and social hierarchy based on their versions, they are ranked by number. So low number Kurt Kobanes, or the oldest ones, are seen as the scum of the Kurt Kobane social pyramid. They're relegated to lower job positions like local news channels and high school sports commentating. The higher numbers are the movie actors, the Emmy winners, the sports car drivers.

There are four Kurt Kobanes that stand out: the main Kurt Kobane, who is the one used in memes. He's an average Kurt Kobane that feels resentful over the culture of the Kurt Kobane community and wants a better place for Kurt Kobanes everywhere. Kirk Kobane, is Kurt Kobane's brother. He is the residual, inferior genetic leftovers of the Kurt Kobane experiment. He's two feet tall, fat, and ugly with a big nose and squinty asian eyes. He is the lowest of the low in the Kurt Kobane world, he also resents the culture. Kurt Kobane #66\_, is the evil Kurt Kobane. He is the most self-absorbed, but also sociopathic Kurt Kobane. He wishes to enslave all Kurt Kobane and have them worship him. Finally, there's Kurt Kobane #001, the oldest Kurt Kobane, he's an aging, bitter Kurt Kobane with graying hair, an eye scar and eye patch who wants to start a revolution to overthrow the Kurt Kobane underground. He's forgotten to the other Kurt Kobanes and in hiding, plotting...

Kurt Kobane is also next in line to be the shadow monarchy of Japan. After Japan's defeat in World War II, they established a hidden power structure mirroring the imperial government it held for centuries. So on the outside, Japan is a democratic country with a Prime Minister, but in reality, it is still controlled by an Emperor. With his inevitable passing, Kurt Kobane is sure to ascend, but not without a fight with his seven siblings, the princes and princesses of Japan. They had immortalized themselves and preserved their youth, and they are all starving for power.

### Uses

Kurt Kobane is a character anyone can do an impression of. Just lift one eyebrow up and make a goofy smile by parting your teeth slightly and showing your teeth. It involves talking with a very specific anchorman parody voice, which I can't describe here.

Kurt Kobane has a couple main catch phrases, including:

"With Kurt Kobane here." Which you can add after repeating an advertisement. or show name (i.e. Game of Thrones with Kurt Kobane."

"A Kurt Kobane family company." A parody of Johnson & Johnson's motto. A variation of this is "A Kurt Kobane family company, limited liability company, registered, trade mark."

After repeating a movie title, add at the end: "By Kurt Kobane. Based on the book, based on the video game, based on the manga, etc." It's a movie/show based on a book that's based on a game that's based on a manga that's based on a board game....

Kurt Kobane often speaks his mind on air, which usually goes along the lines of calling other people pleebs or peasants and then realizing he's live and getting nervous and speechless. (i.e. "Freakin' peasants getting in my way-I-I mean, Kurt Kobane here...uhh...yuhh....please don't fire me.")

Another common catch phrase is a garbled, nonsensical version of "With Kurt Kobane here" that's hard to describe. It has the basic sounds of that sentence, but no words.

He also occasionally loops the first two syllables of his name. This is a reference to his origin. It sounds like "Kurtka-kurtka-kurtka".

Finally, just repeating the original sound clip from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure is another use. "YO! YO! KURTKA-YO! KURT KOBANE! KURTKA-KURTKA-KURTKA..."