A Real Live Adult

*As the crew gets hired to bring in their toughest bounty yet (special guest WALEED MANSOUR), shocking discoveries are made, a widow craves vengeance, and one party member makes the ultimate sacrifice. All this for what's described as notably low pay. But hey, that's just another day in Piss Harbor, baby.*

## Summary

We start in Porno Square, the seedy heart of Piss Harbor. An orc usher confronts Timmy and Tommy in the Admiral Weiner’s R-Rated Movies theater. He grows suspicious of the figure in a trench coat, flexible middle and Groucho glasses, trying to attack him. Timmy and Tommy run away awkwardly..

We cut to Moonlight Value Bounties HQ where Jonathan, Moose, Neil and Tommy Whistle have been called in for a bounty put on Timmy and Tommy. It is a low bounty put out by one of the local vendors since the clearly disguised children are getting into trouble sneaking into movies and running up tabs at candy stores. They want them brought in safely to help them before things get any worse. The party agrees and leaves while Moose lights a cigarette, accidentally blowing up their headquarters again.

The party heads to The Ice Cream and Candy District, a part of town that mainly sells sweets near the rival area known as Dentist Town. They scout the area before finding a ruckus at Gumballs Forever, where Timmy and Tommy have an angry clerk threatening them over their tab and damages to the store. Tommy Whistle gives the man a quarter gold and intimidates him into letting the boys go. Once they’re outside, Moose confronts him in an "adult off" to test his maturity. Neil tears open the trench coat to reveal their secret: that Timmy And Tommy is a tall, deformed man with childish mannerisms, a bloated waist, tiny face and legs, and actual Groucho Marx nose and mustache. The party tries to decide what to do with this information while trying to reason with Timmy, but a widow appears to accuse Timmy of murdering her husband: the man who drew his caricature for the wanted poster. She claims Timmy killed him in a rage when his painting depicted him surfing poorly. Timmy swears he’s innocent and uses his cuteness magic on the party, charming them into taking his side. The woman storms off to Dentist Town to find help elsewhere.

The party follows Timmy, enchanted into doing whatever he says. He convinces them to assault a cotton candy vendor, but this causes the party to snap out of his spell. They confront Timmy and decide the only way to prove his innocence is by surfing. If Timmy proves he’s as good a surfer as he claims, his murder of the caricature artist would be excused for provoking him. Timmy attempts it during some rough weather and seems ready to fall in when the widow and some dentist thugs arrive. Moose moves to fight the gang with his pistols while Neil wanders into the ocean to save Timmy. She is unable to swim and immediately starts to drown. Tommy dives after her but can’t find her in the depths. Jonathan leaps into action, hurling his flail to pop a pool float and send it ricocheting into the dentists to knock them out. This frees up Moose to dive in and use his darkvision to spot Neil, helping Tommy pull them to safety.

When the party regroups on land and finds Timmy about to shoot his slingshot at the widow’s head to finish what he started. The party pleads with him to stop or turn himself in,  but Timmy uses his cuteness magic to charm them again. The entire party fails their save and they congratulate him as he finishes killing the widow. They enjoy a night on the beach burying the many bodies at sea and enjoying the boardwalk together before the party wonders if he’s worth being friends with.

## Trivia

* Carly/Edgica are not present in the episode.

## Links

* Episode: https://art19.com/shows/rude-tales-of-magic/episodes/746868ea-0dd1-43c6-80e0-60419f9cd227