Some Words

**Note: this isn't a message to any of you. I just needed to get some things off my chest, that's all. I repeat, this isn't a message to any venkon. I guess it's a reflection of the past.**

You despicable human being. Calling you human is too nice, isn't it? Yeah, it is. Let's call you "trash", then. How could you do something like that? How could you abandon your "friends"? You deserve every ounce of suffering thrown at you. You deserve a lot more than what you got. You go through your day happy as if nothing has happened. But you know different, don't you? Oh, you know. You know they cried. You know they panicked. Did you care? Did you even bat an eye? You disgust me. You hurt the ones closest to you in a selfish act of self-pity. You monster. When will you stop hurting those around you? You seem incapable of stopping.

...maybe I'm being a bit too harsh. You were, after all, dealing with a breakup. That's certainly no excuse, I guess it's true it was your first time. She was your first time for many things. Must've sucked, huh? Still, you know you had it coming to you. You knew your actions would surface. They always do. But you already know that. Your crying, while understandable, doesn't faze me. I can see right through you. You deserve this.

We're.. very similar, you and I. But there's a difference between us. You sit around all day pretending you've gotten better. As if you could get better with all that self-pity. Grow a pair, dumbass. You've been given your chance, now improve. Why won't you improve? I see you crying and moping even as you beg them to let you back. Is it not enough that you've been given a chance?

...you really are an idiot, huh? Even after all that you got yourself shunned again. You insisted that you had changed, except... where's the change? What part of you is better? Your obsession with them, your obsession with her, it's unhealthy. You need to get help. You need to stop this. Just move on, alright? You know you fucked up. Learn to live a better life. Maybe then you'll feel better about it. Move on, forget the war. Forget them. Forget her. It's been two months since your breakup, learn to let go and move on.

...but you won't stop, will you? No, I know you. You won't stop until they've let you back. You won't stop leaving messages *begging* for their forgiveness. But you know your motives aren't that goodwilled. You wish to feel better about yourself, don't you? Just forget it. Enjoy your damn vacation, and come back refreshed. Refreshed and ready to tackle life by yourself. But you didn't do that, did you? No, even as you cycled between consciousness and unconsciousness due to extreme jet lag you didn't stop. These messages are getting out of hand, each more pathetic than the last.

Ah, good. For a few days everything was good. Traveling around a foreign country leaves no time to obsess over the past, hmm? Good. Ah, but if only it stayed like that forever. No, as soon as you got back you infiltrated their discord. Oh, of course you did. The old "Smithy Special", hmm? Pathetic, reverting back to altcest like a child cries and runs back to their mother. Just learn to move on. The writing is on the wall, this cannot end well for you.

...and it didn't. Another altcest. Each alt more emotionally charged than the last. And each time my hatred of you increases. Each time their hatred of you increases. This isn't based on confidence, is it? You know they won't let you back. You just have nothing to lose so you try. You try and you try and you try, each one ending the same way. "You have been banned by IM STILL ALIVE." Clearly words can't get through your thick skull. You say you don't want to hurt anyone anymore and yet you hurt them, you hurt her, just by doing this. For God's sake, why don't you stop?

There? Are you happy now? You've been given your last chance. Now go back to exile and pray you don't mess anything else up. Oh, who am I kidding? I know you. I know who you are. You simply can't let go of your selfish delusions. So you contact her. Oh, you know it's a bad idea. A horrible idea. Why would you just contact your ex and pretend like you two are cool again when obviously she doesn't want to speak with you? You selfish idiot. You have no idea what you're doing.

You really don't. Here we go, banned again. Noticing a pattern here, dipshit? Alright, just one month. Do. Not. Fuck. This. Up. Oh, fuck you. You couldn't even last a fucking week. You are without a doubt the weakest, most selfish person I've known. You can wait out the rest, right? Just... find a way. You need to find a way. I need you to find a way.

Look... I know you've been through a lot. It's been a tough few months for you. But you need to keep your head down and recognize when you need to stop doing something. Just remember... I know you. I know who and what you are... I know the challenges you face, the people you love, the pain you've felt... because I am you. And I'll always be your worst critic.