Episode 55: World Wide T'rain

**Video:**
1:00:51

**Video:**
2021-07-20 16-21-00.mp4

https://globehell.libsyn.com/

## Episode Summary

**Audio:**

We've heard about WWT and WWT, but what about WWT? In this episode we talk about the EARTH and some of the different problems on it and its landscape. Is it leftists to go to the golf club they do a good brunch?

**Video:**

## Idea Details

* Idea: World Wide T'rain (t'rain)
* Creator of idea: Josiah
* Purpose of idea: All right, well my idea this week - for this week's episode of Globe Hell Warning uh the podcast that we do - political podcast that we do, is uh this is the idea. The idea is: World Wide T'rain.
* Timetable: No timetable was given for World Wide T'rain, although the 100-year period before full implementation of World Wide Wipes was seemingly referenced, so it will presumably be dropped by helicopters on the entire planet very soon.
* Idea details:
	+ The definition of terrain that is being used in World Wide T'rain is "an area of land or the particular features of it".
	+ World Wide T'rain, zero energy use, free of charge.
	+ World Wide T'rain removes the 'E-R' from the word 'terrain' because we are getting rid of the errors of our ways.
	+ World Wide T'rain is an artificial turf like what is used in the NFL and in dog facilities.
	+ All lawns and grass on the planet will be replaced with World Wide T'rain.
	+ Since it is difficult to cut artificial turf to the correct space, World Wide T'rain will use an elaborate system of helicopters to drop turf over the entire globe. Human beings will then have the choice of either clawing their way above the turf or remaining below it. Then we won't have to deal with lawn care anymore.
	+ Before the T'rain is dropped on the globe, there will be a space station with razor-like satellites that will cut holes in the T'rain so certain objects fit through it. This will include things like Mount Everest and the Empire State Building, as well as all the oceans and forests in the world.
	+ As an additional step before the T'rain is dropped on the planet, all the lawn care specialists and landscapers in the world will be rounded up and forced to burn or poison all the urban greenery in the world, such as green spaces in cities and golf courses. They will then be sent to the World Wide T'rain space station.
	+ One in ten landscapers will be put in a woodchipper right in front of them to show how serious this is, as well as to be fair.
	+ World Wide T'rain will be made of a Chroma Key-able green screen material that will allow everyone in the world to green screen any pattern or image or video onto their World Wide T'rain artificial lawns. Drew will likely do some kind of nasty porno.
	+ The green screen material that World Wide T'rain is made of might not need razor-sharp satellite cutting technology in the end. It might be able to simply be cut with scissors or a knife or just be ripped by someone who has long cocaine fingernails or who works with computers and needs to be able to hold microchips with their fingers.
	+ Everyone on the planet will have Chroma Key contact lenses mandatorily installed into them so they can see the green screen projection when they look at it, without requiring the use of a computer or camera. Alternatively, everywhere you look will be screens and cameras so that when you look at it, it will look like grass, and everywhere you go will be a walkway of screens and cameras.
	+ All movies made in the future will be shot with the actors lying down on the World Wide T'rain to take advantage of the fact that it is green screen material. This avoids any problems with the fact that green screen material is a finite resource, like helium.

## Devil Play

* Drew played devil by saying that he thinks covering the entire Earth with turf is not gonna work because then you're gonna have entire forests and entire oceans covered with turf.
	+ Josiah pointed out that it's actually called T'rain.
	+ Drew agreed and continued by saying they don't necessarily need to do the entire planet, but rather could build almost like a space station built for cutting out the turf in space, and they'll have like satellites that would be like little razors that will carve out like the oceans and all the forests and all the landmarks and other natural wonders like majestic gardens.
	+ Josiah said Drew is one such natural wonder.
	+ Drew continued that the turf would be cut into some kind of World Wide Template which would then be laid on the Earth. And then everybody else who has like a house will be provided tools so they can cut their way out.
	+ Josiah noted that they were basically on the same page here, other than the fact that he wanted just one turf for the 'Earf'.
	+ Drew pointed out that laying a single turf with no cut-outs over the entire Earth will probably be stretched pretty tight.
	+ Josiah remarked that it will get looser and looser as more people cut themselves out from under World Wide T'rain.
	+ Drew acknowledged that but said it wouldn't ultimately be enough considering the very high points like Mount Everest.
	+ Josiah said that was fair but expressed that people should have the option of staying under World Wide T'rain if they want to, as long as they're not maintaining their lawns anymore. There will thusly be no more mowing or hiring a guy just to have him whine about it on YouTube.
	+ Drew asked why they don't take this a step further and show not only that we recognize we've lost the right to take care of our lawns, but to actually demonstrate and show it. Before laying the T'rain down over the entire planet, they should make the meaningful gesture to burn or poison all of the greenery that they can, excluding full forests. This would only be things like green spaces in cities and golf courses, which would be lit up in flames.
	+ Josiah recognized this as being similar to when you make someone smoke a whole pack of cigarettes, where they will basically round up all the lawn care specialists and landscapers and they will force them to destroy as much shared green space as possible as an example to everyone else.
	+ Drew agreed and suggested that they then send those lawn care specialists and landscapers to work on the space station.
	+ Josiah noted that they would certainly not be welcome in society anymore.
	+ Drew agreed and said they had really betrayed us by taking advantage of the fact that we want green lawns and we want the grass chopped.
	+ Josiah pointed out that they should have been smart enough to push back on society's demands on them because it's too much chemicals.
	+ Drew noted that it is exploitative.
	+ Josiah posited that supply-and-demand is really a exploitation device.
	+ Drew agreed, saying that they're profiting off somebody whose lawn is too long.
	+ Josiah said this is disgusting and it makes him sick.
	+ Drew said it pisses him off and expressed his desire to not even get him started on cleaning services.
	+ Josiah suggested that one in ten landscapers should go right in a woodchipper right in front of them to make it fair and show how serious they are.
	+ Drew agreed.
* Josiah played self-devil by pointing out that maybe fake grass could be a problem because they might have to get Turf Guard Window Film to prevent the T'rain from melting.
	+ Drew wondered if you could smoke astroturf on a hot day when it is melting.
	+ Josiah bet it would get you astro-high cause it's astroturf.
	+ Drew wondered whether it would be an indica or a sativa.
* Drew played devil by pointing out that green screen and helium are both finite resources that we will eventually run out of, so he asked how movies will be made if all the green screen is being used for the World Wide T'rain. He wondered if maybe they would just use all practical effects.
	+ Josiah immediately shot that down because it would be way too expensive. Instead, he suggested they would actually be able to save money by shooting all movies laying down flat on the grass so they can utilize the green screen T'rain as a CGI background.

## Notable Events

* Josiah and Drew discussed the new video subscription tier available on their Patreon for only $7/month. As an enticement to pay for the video subscription tier, Josiah and Drew discussed how listeners probably won't notice coughing and burping and fidgeting and opening and closing drawers and tapping on cans with pens and throwing globes on the desk as much on the video feed.
* Josiah and Drew made elephant sounds.
* Josiah and Drew discussed that they are on video now.
* Josiah and Drew started a new segment where they watch videos to teach them a little bit more about body language. They kicked off this new segment by watching a video called "What Does It Mean When a Guy Stares at You Without Smiling" about what it means when a guy stares at you without smiling.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Stares From Far Away But Doesn't Smile" about what it means when a guy stares at you from far away but he doesn't smile.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "This Guy Stares At You with a Blank Face Always" about what it means when a guy always stares at you with a blank face.
* Josiah demonstrated smirking for Drew in a hypothetical situation where Drew was an alien from another planet.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Why Does He Stare At You And Smirk" about what it means when a guy stares at you and smirks.
* Drew smirked at Josiah and revealed that he might smirk at Josiah throughout the episode.
* Drew demonstrated the delineation between smirk and smile.
* Josiah spilled an entire La Croix on his desk and onto his phone, so he briefly turned off his video and left the recording of the episode, leaving Drew to continue by himself.
* Drew watched a video called "Is It Normal To Give Up On Love At 22?" about if it's normal to give up on love when you're 22 years old. He was rejoined by Josiah shortly after starting the video.
* Drew revealed that he felt loved at 22, but 11 years later did not feel the same.
	+ Note: In Episode 33: Back to Basics, Drew revealed that he was 16 in 2010, making his birth year either 1993 or 1994, which would make him 27 or 28 as of this episode, not 33 as he implies here. It is currently unknown what explains this discrepancy. However, it should be noted that in Episode 49: Leftist Hypebeast, Drew revealed that he had attended the 1988 Winter Olympics in Calgary, a statement that, when paired with this one, seems to suggest that his prior statement was either misstated or a complete fabrication.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "The Train Ride : 50 Minutes of Train Sounds" about 50 minutes of train sounds.
* Josiah briefly replaced Drew's video feed with an image of his notes for the episode. The error was corrected shortly thereafter.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "TERRAIN - Meaning and Pronunciation" about how to pronounce terrain?
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Like Terrain? Welcome to the channel!" about Mel, The Terrain Tutor who wants to help you build better battlefields, no matter what game you play.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Your Yard Is EVIL" about the absolute insanity of front yards.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "A RANT ON TOXIC LAWN CULTURE" about your local bog witch who has come out of the swamp to shame mankind about dumb grass rules!
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Yard rant" about someone ranting about a yard.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Epic Rant - Why Most Lawn Businesses Fail" about how it ain't always easy, and you have to grind grind grind, but this video here talks about the reasons so many fail.
* Josiah and Drew discussed sampling some vehicle sounds to play in the background of future episodes.
	+ Note: Drew brought up this idea in Episode 52: World Wide Ark but Josiah disagreed that time, suggesting they had already done that idea with their previous episode Bus.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Lawn Site rant. your thoughts?" about how if you are a LCO lawn care owner or work in the lawn industry you probably have run across this site at some point.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Grass Rant" about why do people care so much about grass? Josiah and Drew discussed potentially interviewing this guy at some point in the future.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Let's talk about eating wild grass" about how if you think you may want to start adding grass to your diet or just want to store away the knowledge for a hiking adventure or survival situation, then watch and enjoy this video.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Rant - Lawn Grass (Day)" about a lawn grass rant (day).
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Lawn Care Rant" about lawn care life.
* Josiah and Drew discussed a friend of Josiah's who used to rant about the grass to the mayor. They then foreshadowed that we may be hearing more about that certain friend later in the week.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "I told the customer her lawn mowing was FREE and then I FIRED her - NOT putting up with that!" about how customer didn't want to pay after they did what she wanted.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Relaxing Music with Nature Sounds, Forest Music, Sleep Music, Meditation Music" about a gentle relaxing music with footage of forests, which is useful to reduce stress, to sleep and also to meditate.
* World Wide Template
* It's a Beautiful Day in the Mulch
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Lawns Are Bad For The Earth! - UrbanMali.com" about how replacement for lawns are gaining a lot of attention and for good reason.
* Josiah and Drew discussed a 15 year-old idea Drew had for a machine that pushes grass out and then sucks it back in to simulate growing and cutting the grass, rather than actually letting it grow to the point where it needs to be cut.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Artificial Grass Alternatives" about how the number of artifical grass lawns is increasing, and this means more plastic eventualy going to landfill, and whilst it's on the ground it is terrible for birds, bees and butterflies.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "synthetic turf installation" about synthetic turf installation ideas.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Stop Artificial Grass From Melting" about how if you have detected the signs of melting damage afflicting the artificial turf grass or vinyl siding around your home, you might at first be at a loss for what's causing this damage.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Best Solution to Artificial Grass Melting" about how if you are worried about the energy efficient windows in your home or business melting the nearby artificial grass then you should strongly consider Turf Guard Window Film, a produce designed expressly to stop window glare melting fake grass by sending the light reflected off the windows scattering far and wide instead of becoming concentrated into hot shafts of light.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Artificial Grass Melting? Here is the SOLUTION" about how it’s any homeowner’s nightmare: Your artificial turf mysteriously starts melting in random spots, and you can only watch helplessly as it starts discoloring and curling at the ends.
* Josiah and Drew watched a video called "Why say NO to Artificial Grass ! RANT" about how artificial grass cop out, once used by green grocers on stalls, now the staple of wannabee designer gardens, here's a rant on why not to use it and stick to natural lawn growing.

## Notable Quotes

### Josiah

* [On the topic of the elephant in the room] "My big swingin dick. Big ol truunk."
* "Time to look at some porno with Drew. Let's go, Drew. Porno time."
* "So basically he said if somebody looks at you and doesn't smile, then probably - they're probably not happy."
* [In response to Drew asking what Josiah would think if he was just staring blankly back at Josiah instead of smiling while he talked about his idea this week] "Well then I'll know that you're jacking off. That's usually what you do when you -"
* [In response to Drew saying he could be daydreaming about playing tennis with Josiah] "And we all know how Drew holds his tennis racket. \*mimes jacking off\*"
* "Has anyone ever looked at you and drooled?"
* "So basically what you're telling me is that when someone is looking at you, they're probably thinking some thoughts. Is so far what we've gleaned from this."
* "Where does a smirk become a smile, is what I'd like to know."
* "I've just spilled a entire La Croix on my desk. So that's just great. Onto my phone. Hope you're happy. Hope you're happy!"
* "It's the first time we've ever done this idea: World Wide T'rain."
* "What does T'rain mean to y- what is T- so T'rain. We're gonna talk about T'rain today, we're gonna talk about T'rain meaning grass and why grass is evil! It's not leftist! World Wide T'rain."
* "Instead of 'mow' lawn, we need 'less' lawn, in my opinion. Is what I've learned."
* "The short and 'lawn' of it. The 'lawn' and short of it."
* [In response to Drew suggesting World Wide T'rain sounds similar to World Wide Rainforest] "Yeah, that was, yeah. But I - this is a new uh different one. This is World Wide T'rain, which we've never done before. World Wide T'rain."
* "A bitch."
* [While watching a video of a man ranting about grass] "So this guy's kind of the unofficial third host of -"
	+ Note: Josiah did not finish this sentence, but he was presumably going to suggest the man in the video was kind of the unofficial third host of Globe Hell Warning, a statement that contradicts the fact that he had previously declared Shitting to be the third host of Globe Hell Warning in Its Beautiful Day in Globehell AKA the Toilet Tapes PT 1. However, since the sentence was left unfinished, the discrepancy can perhaps be disregarded for now.
* "There are more than 10,000 species of grasses worldwide. Indica."
* "It's not leftist to have a lawn."
* "See, it's making - it's just tearing everyone apart, it's making people not leftist anymore, they're just becoming not leftist, they're becoming pieces of shit. The lawns are making everyone so angry and upset, it's tearing everybody apart. And that's why we need World Wide T'rain, zero energy use, free of charge. World Wide T'rain. World Wide T'rain. T'rain. T-R-A-I-N. There's an apostrophe uh - it needs to be - it's the - well, getting rid of the 'E-R' of 'terrain' cause we're getting rid of the errors of our ways. T-R-A-I-N! World Wide T'rain! World Wide T-'postrophe-R-A-I-N! World Wide T'rain! World Wide T'rain!"
* "Well we're still going to have the Train going everywhere. Throughout the T'rain. You can still travel on the Train if you want to visit different T'rain."
	+ Note: See World Wide Train (disambiguation) for clarity.
* "It's kinda like when you make somebody smoke a whole pack of cigarettes. Basically we round up all of the uh lawn care specialists, all of the landscapers, and basically we force them to destroy as much shared green space as possible as an example to everyone else. 'You happy with this? This is what you wanted! Hey, this is what you all wanted all along!' "
* [On the topic of all the lawn care specialists and landscapers being sent to the World Wide T'rain space station] "Well certainly they're not welcome in society anymore."
* "Supply-and-demand is just purely a exploitation uh device, really."
* "I mean, if anything I agree, but I think, to get them on board and to show these landscape piece of shit how serious we are, we need to take - one in ten needs to go right in a woodchipper right in front of them, I think. It's the only way it's fair."
* [On the topic of the material used to create the World Wide T'rain] "We could say, 'It's a Beautiful Day in the Mulch,' and use mulch?"
* "Wait, I just had the most brilliant idea. Wait, I'll tell you in one second. But here's - first I'm gonna play devil about why maybe fake grass could be a problem, OK? Cause you're not playing devil very much, and I appreciate that cause you're on my side, that's why you keep smirking at me, and that's why I'm uh really feeling some feelings right now."
* [In response to Drew saying 'global warming'] "Globe Hell Warning."
* "Did you say you want to smoke astroturf?"
* "What if we replaced all of the lawns with green screen?"
* "The entire Earth, all of the land mass, becomes replaced with Chroma Key-able green screen that is able to be - broadcast whatever you want, if you could put - I mean, knowing you, what kind of nasty porno you'd put on your uh lawn. Makes me sick, but um that's your property, it's up to you what you wanna do with it. But I think that's gonna be the solution! We're gonna get rid of uh - get rid of - the World Wide T'rain will be - the World Wide T'rain will be astroturf!"
	+ Note: It is unclear why Josiah said 'the World Wide T'rain will be astroturf' when he had just said it would instead be a Chroma Key-able green screen, but it is assumed that he misspoke.
* "I mean, do you have any questions or bedevils?"
* [On the topic of artificial grass being bloody horrible] "Come on! Come on, it's not bloody horrible!"
* "Piranha? Porno?"

### Drew

* "You call your dick 'Trump'?"
* "So I can daydream about you. I can daydream about you."
* [In response to Josiah saying Drew is usually jacking off when he's staring blankly] "Well no. No, that's not true. I'm thinking about us playing - I'm daydreaming about us playing tennis together."
* "That's a good question: is it good? Is smirking good for you? Is it good to smirk? Should you smirk at your date?"
	+ Note: This question is similar to the one posed in Episode 46: Smile, where it was determined that smiles are indeed good for you.
* [Demonstrating the delineation between smirk and smile] "This is a smile."
* [In response to Josiah spilling an entire La Croix on his desk and onto his phone] "Let's not cry over spilt La Croix. That should be the millennials' uh slogan."
* "I felt so loved at 22. 11 years later, not so much."
	+ Note: In Episode 33: Back to Basics, Drew revealed that he was 16 in 2010, making his birth year either 1993 or 1994, which would make him 27 or 28 as of this episode, not 33 as he implies here. It is currently unknown what explains this discrepancy. However, it should be noted that in Episode 49: Leftist Hypebeast, Drew revealed that he had attended the 1988 Winter Olympics in Calgary, a statement that, when paired with this one, seems to suggest that his prior statement was either incorrect or a complete fabrication.
* "Oh, boy. World Wide Train again?"
* "Oh, World Wide T'rain!"
* "Well I think we need to seize the 'mow-ment' and think about lawn care and whether we should really be concerned about it or if we should let the - yeah, whether we should cut it or we should cut out the cutting and just let the grass grow. That would almost be like - didn't we do World Wide Jungle?"
	+ Note: Drew was likely referring to World Wide Rainforest in his remarks above, although it is notable that he and Josiah also discussed the differences between garden, jungle, and rainforest in that episode.
* "This fuckin pisses me off."
* "That's almost what Globe Hell is doing. We're - we wanna tell everybody to shut up cause we have the answer."
* [In response to Josiah saying 'bitch'] "Don't say that. Come on, man. Don't fuckin say that. Well, at least say 'B-I-T-C-H.' "
* "Let's talk about eating grass!"
* "My landlord."
* "So what I think would be an interesting idea is if we have almost like a space station built for cutting out the turf in space, and we can have like satellites that would be like little razors, and it will - they'll carve out like the oceans, it'll carve out all the forests, and all the - like the Empire State Building, stuff that are like landmarks and that we can't get rid of, and of course like natural wonders of the world, like majestic gardens."
* "And I think - why not take it a step further, show that we - show - really show that - not only that we recognize that we've lost the right to take care of our lawns, but w- I mean, to demonstrate it. To actually demonstrate it. To actually show it. I think to make a meaningful gesture before we lay the turf down - the T'rain - we should burn or poison all of the greenery that we can. I mean, not like full forests or anything, but anything that's gonna be like green spaces in cities, uh golf courses I think um could just be lit up in flames."
* "Yeah, I mean it's sort of a - they're really betrayed us. Landscapers have really betrayed us by taking advantage of the fact that we really do want green lawns, and we want the grass um chopped."
* "It pisses me off a lot too. Don't get me uh started on uh cleaning services."
* "Imagine how long uh showers you could take if you stopped watering your lawn."
	+ Note: It is assumed that Drew must have been referencing the 100-year grace period before the implementation of World Wide Wipes, because after that, all shower heads in the world will be fitted with a plastic rectum-looking thing like on the inside of a Lysol cylindrical tube, and you will just pull World Wide Wipes from that. Every house will have Wipe Pipes that are filled with World Wide Wipes and connect to the faucets that previously dispensed water.
* [On the topic of the Turf Guard Window Film guy trying to sell a product that helps prevent turf from melting] "Kind of a Karen."
* [On the topic of astroturf melting] "Do you think if you were out on a hot day and it was melting, you'd be able to smoke it?"
* [In response to Josiah asking if Drew said he wants to smoke astroturf] "Well, I'm just - I didn't say *I* wanted to, I'm just saying if you could. Cause it is grass, it will get you high. I would ask, is this an indica or sativa?"
* "Yeah, I think World Wide Train is a great idea, it's always been a great idea, it's my idea by the way. World Wide Train. World Wide Train, my idea."
	+ Note: Drew is likely referencing his and Josiah's age-old argument surrounding the origin of the World Wide Train (noun) idea.

## Trivia

* This was the first main episode after the introduction of a video subscription tier on the Globe Hell Warning Patreon, though the previous Patreon episode, Globe Hell Watches Doctor Chip was the first such episode overall.
* This was the third World Wide Train idea discussed on Globe Hell Warning, after Episode 1: World Wide Train and Episode 10: World Wide Train.
* This was Josiah's second World Wide Train idea after Episode 10: World Wide Train.
* This was Josiah's second idea dedicated to the reduction of water usage, after Episode 37: World Wide Wipes.
* This was the second episode of Globe Hell Warning to have two notably different episode titles between its audio and video formats, though the first such main episode. The audio version is titled "Episode 55: World Wide T'rain", while the video version is titled "World Wide T'rain".
	+ Note: The title used for this Globe Hell Warning Wiki page was chosen for its greater degree of clarity.
	+ Note: There is some precedence for excluding the episode number from the episode title, as detailed below:
		- World Wide High School
		- Episode 9: World Wide Landlord was originally titled simply "World Wide Landlord" but was renamed to include the episode number.
		- Bus
		- Episode 19: World Wide Rock Festival was originally titled simply "World Wide Rock Festival" but was renamed to include the episode number.
* This was the second episode to have multiple different Episode Descriptions, after Episode 49: Leftist Hypebeast. However, it is the first episode to have two notably different Episode Descriptions between its audio and video formats. The audio version reads "We've heard about WWT and WWT, but what about WWT? In this episode we talk about the EARTH and some of the different problems on it and its landscape. Is it leftists to go to the golf club they do a good brunch?", while the video version has no Episode Description whatsoever.
* This was the first episode of Globe Hell Warning to have two different episode lengths between its audio and video formats. The audio version is 1:00:45, while the video version is 1:00:51.
	+ Note: There is no discernible difference in content between the two versions.