Destined For Greatness (Part 1)

(warning: contains swearing)

* **Nate:** *text*
* **Francis:** *text*
* **Teddy:** *text*
* **Sharon:** text
* **Artur:** *text*
* **Randy:** *text*
* **Gina:** *text*
* **Mrs. Godfrey:** *text*

*She could have called on anybody else.*

*There were twenty-two other students in the class, and they had their hands in the air, Teddy, Francis, Dee Dee, Sheila, Gina (of course), Sharon, even Nick Blonksky (who's usually picks his nose) had his hand raised in the air, she could have called on one of them, right?*

*Well, take a wild fucking guess on who she calls on.*

**Mrs. Godfrey:** ***NATE!***

***SHE ALWAYS DOES THIS!*** *She calls on me even when i dont know the answer, and she can even tell i dont know it, She's like a big, ugly, fat, nasty, rabid dog.*

*I sit straight up in my seat and try to focus on what Mrs. Godfrey said. my ears and cheeks start to burn and I'm starting to sweat.*

**Nate:** *Umm* (coff)  *Mrs. Godfrey, what was the question again?*

*Great, I can feel the entire class looking at me.*

*Ms. Godfrey steps away from the chalkboard, and then she starts to march towards me with the most sadistic expression on her face, I can see that her face is flushed and tiny flecks of spittle on the corner of her mouth, I brace myself.....*

*And then i hear the bell ringing, In fact, it keeps ringing, but it doesn't sound like the school bell. it sounds more like an alarm clock, MY alarm clock.*

*I then wake up, and notice i'm in my bedroom and in my pajamas, I was dreaming! I let out a huge sigh of relief, and then I shut the alarm clock off, and go back to sleep.*

**Nate:** *ZZZZZZZZZZ*

*But I only get around 20 seconds of sleep before my dad walks in my room and yanks the goddamn sheets outta my bed.*

**Martin Wright**: *Nate, it's time to get up and go to school.*

*Hey, thanks a lot, asshole. Way to break it to me gently. Nice parenting.*

*Actually, he's fairly decent at his parenting skills (he makes tuna casserole that smells and tastes like cat piss and he ends up getting our house vandalized at Halloween because of his sucktastic choices for halloween candy), but he's rather tame compared to the aggressive soccer dads i've seen at Little League games. It's just that Dad's kind of really dumb. He has no idea what it's like to be in my shoes.*

*(He also incapable of relating to ANYBODY under the age of 30 because he's bald)*

*How long has it been since he's been in school-30 or 45 years? I think he's forgotten what its' like to be in a building that smells like a combination of monkey shit, ammonia, mystery meat and chalk dust. He cant remember what it's like to be an average seventh grader.*

*Not like I'm an average seventh grader. Okay, I'll admit that i'm not exactly like Joe Honor Roll, But answer me this: When I get out in to the real world, is anybody gonna give two shits whenever not I know who was Warren G. Harding's vice president? (And dont even pretend you know who the fuck it was, because you dont) The point is, I want to use my talents for more than just memorizing useless shit. I'm meant for bigger and better things. I'm....*

***DESTINED***

***FOR***

***GREATNESS***

*I'm still not 100% sure what KIND of greatness I'm destined for, but i'll figure it out when I get older. I've got plenty of options. I keep a list in my closet door about this very subject.*

*There's also shit I definitely WON'T achieve greatness in, like opera, synchronized swimming, being friends with wimps like Ronnie Dwyer and Sharon Brooks, ice-skating, and cat grooming. Nuff said.*

*Let's get back to the truly unfortunate fact that today's a school day. BUT WHAT KIND?! You know, not all school days are ranked equal. You can rank them by category. I also spent an entire week ranking snacks and music (For snacks, Cheez Doodles are at the top while rice cakes are at the bottom, for music, Hard Rock and Nu Metal are at the top, while Country, Crunkcore and K-Pop are at the bottom).*

*If I were to grade the different kinds of school days report-card style, Here's how they would go:*

A+: FIELD TRIP DAYS

*I'm not talking about those lame-ass field trips (the kind where the teacher makes you walk around the neighborhood you live in on Earth Day picking up trash), But those all-day-get-on-a-bus-and-go-somewhere-fun field trips. Even if they give you a worksheet in the hope you might have to learn something, you can come up with an excuse not to do it. That's what I did last year when we went to the aquarium.*

(DRAMATIC FLASHBACK)

**Nate:** *Mr. Galvin, a walrus ate my homework.*

B: SPECIAL EVENT DAYS

*This is when classroom time gets eaten up by something much better, like a movie (Movies such as* Terminator 2: Judgement Day  *or*  Napoleon Dynamite *but not like* Titanic *and/or* Twilight*, those movies suck balls) or an assembly. Or better yet, some sort of emergency. Last spring, Mrs. Czerwicki's wig suddenly burst into flames and set off the smoke alarm in the faculty lounge. We got to evacuate the building and ended up playing Ultimate Frisbee and soccer on the lawn for two hours, even though we got detention for 2 days, it was so worth it.*

C-: SUBSTITUTE TEACHER DAYS*I think everyone can agree when I say that substitute teachers are almost better than the real teachers. By "better", I mean "total dumbasses and more clueless". The absolute best subs are the ones who just graduated college, never taught a second in their entire lives and/or stoned out of their mind. Frankly, they're extremely dumb, or just plain gullible.*

D: NORMAL DAYS

*Unfortunately, most days are this: You spend six(in some schools its seven)-and-a-half action packed hours studying subjects like photosynthesis, World War II, reproduction, geometry, dark energy, and the War of 1812. Thrilling. You get home after school and your parents are like:*

**Hypothetical Marty**: *How was school today?*

*You think about it for at least 7 seconds and say:*

**Hypothetical Nate:** *I don't have the slightest fucking idea.*

F-: ABSOLUTE TRAIN WRECKS*There are so many things that can go wrong in a school day that it's damn-near impossible to list them all, you can get screamed at a teacher (usually Mrs. Godfrey) for absolutely no fucking reason (which happens to me a lot), you could get your ass beaten by Chester Budrick (the student who's 6'7 and weighs 263 lbs and has severe anger problems), or your teacher could nail you with a test you never saw coming....*

*Now that's an terrifying thought, do we have a test today? I have no memory of any of my teachers mentioning a test yesterday. Which doesnt mean jack shit because I lose interest the moment when they say "Settle down, class." ("Settle down, class", in teacher speak means "let the fucking boredom consume you).*

*It's times like these I wish I paid better attention to teachers just like my best friend, Francis Pope.*

*Francis! YES! He'll know if we will or won't have a test today!*

*Here's the thing about Francis, he knows almost everything, he also carries his "Book of Facts" with him all the time, He takes school really seriously. He's a geek, but I'm allowed to call him that because we're best friends (we became friends in kindergarden after i clonked him on the head with my Thomas The Tank Engine because he was snoring too loudly).*

*Let me see if he's up yet.*

(Nate puts on binoculars to see if Francis is awake yet, and he's reading a book)

*He's up alright, and he's reading a book-Wait a minute, he's reading his SOCIAL STUDIES NOTES!*

***THAT MEANS WE'RE GONNA HAVE A TEST TODAY!***

*This is REALLY BAD. First thing, my social studies textbook is in my locker. Second thing, I got a D- on my last test, and Mrs. Godfrey said if i did that poorly again, I'll probably have to go to summer school.*

*We have social studies first period and **I HAVE FOURTY FIVE FUCKING SECONDS TO LOOK FOR MY CLASS NOTES!***

(Nate freaks out and looks for his class notes)

**Nate:** ***CLASS NOTES! WHERE ARE MY FUCKING CLASS NOTES!?!***

(Nate finds his class notes, but finds out he scribbled on them with doodles such as of him as Ultra Nate and also playing the drums, and also Mrs. Godfrey as a godzilla type-creature, Nate ripping Mrs Godfrey in half, Doctor Cesspool, other things)

*Well, it looks like my class-notes are going to be ABSOLUTELY NO HELP for me. Not unless Mrs. Godfrey gives us extra-credit for doodling.*

*I'm so screwed.*

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