Let Me Cure Her, Daddy

The wounded, bleeding janitor poked SCP-049's knee and whispered something, raising her hand to point down the hallway. 049 had hoped it would be able to clean her injuries in peace, but this matter would need to be dealt with first. Beneath the rays of the last functional ceiling light stood a hideous thing that could only be described as a bird-faced ragdoll, gripping a sharp stick.

“Put the bandages down, old man!” Unsurprisingly, it was SCP-049-J, who had no doubt been stalking the older plague doctor, bringing along its inferior medical knowledge.

“Go away,” SCP-049 responded unamused. Normally it would have something to lecture the dumb bird with, but it swore this happened every time it tried to heal someone, and it was getting tired of it. Did that thing actually have a brain?

The poor doctor turned back around to assess the janitor’s injuries, but as soon as it had, it heard a horrid shriek and the frantic pounding of feet from behind. SCP-049-J kicked the janitor right in the jaw at full force, sending her rolling in pain down the hallway and into a closet.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU MADMAN?” It was far from the first time 049 had witnessed something like this, but it was horrified regardless.

“Well… a good doctor always applies anesthetics which you would have done if you were a good doctor.” 049-J was very proud of itself for someone who had just knocked a dying woman unconscious. It tried to reach the janitor to finish the job, but 049's quick hand firmly held it in place.

"Now, you listen here, you pest!" 049 was actually getting angry at this point. "You've been nothing but a nuisance since you were born! You call… you call senseless violence a medical practice?"

"But… I'm 049-J. The 'J' is short for 'junior.' I'm the-"

"It is not!"

SCP-049 had no idea what to do. It had done its best to relay all of its medical knowledge to its child, but things were looking terribly hopeless. It had finally been granted someone who might be able to understand the true nature of the Pestilence in this facility, and yet here it was, senselessly beating anyone who so much as coughed. Frustrated and annoyed, 049 began to pull moss and stuffing out of 049-J's robes.

"Help! Help, he's killing me! He's killing a doctor! Medical malpractice!" While 049-J screamed and struggled from 049's grasp, the janitor was slowly crawling through the shadows. She tried to stay silent, as silent as possible so she could receive some real medical attention, but even in the frenzy she just wasn't able to stay hidden enough. 049-J eventually broke free, and gave her another sharp whack with its pointy stick.

"Effective! Most effective!" 049-J raised the stick again for another strike, but 049 had time to seize the weapon first.

"Once more, and I'll break it!"

"You wouldn't!"

049-J put up a very good fight for something that looked so small and soft. 049 had to use all of its strength to hold on to the stick. In fact, they both were so focused on stopping each other that they momentarily forgot how close they were to the janitor. Losing their balance, they trampled her arms, neck, and spine, mercilessly crushing her. By the time they noticed, it was too late.

"Stop! Stop and look what you're doing!" 049 was able to convince 049-J to let go for a moment. It poked her unmoving body with the end of the stick. There was no response. 049 sighed and returned the stick to its child. "This woman is dead. *This* is your 'most effective cure?' Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

049-J carefully thought about the question for a moment. A very short moment.

"I need a pointier stick," it replied before going to sharpen the tip on the nearest concrete wall.

Defeated, 049 sat down on the other side of the hallway, tucked in its knees, and put its hands over its face. This was all a big mistake. Just a big mistake that could have been avoided if… it hadn't been alone with *him*.

"Oh Dr. Hamm… what have we done?"