Episode 415 - My Friend Melora

In order to save like, so many lives, the gang has to deal with their biggest threat yet – bureaucracy. We also meet a “new” god which is fun.

## **Story**

### Long Story

The gang had resolved to warn the temples and give a "heads up" to the demons and devils of hell.

When Trant Thumble looks at Toby through the scrying orb, Toby shuts the orb immediately. Toby is doubting if Trant was truthful when he said he was going after Melora. Lahni grabs Toby's sending stone and throws it out the window, due to fear of Trant hacking into the stone to track them. She immediately replaces Toby's sending stone with another from her ferret, a "Jitterstone", taking the form of a Life Alert device (from our realm). It still functions as a sending stone.

Toby contacts Rowan and Skud to warn them that Melora is in danger, as Melora is Rowan's favorite god. Rowan asks Ashayara Dayne to help with contacting the good gods, and Hoby starts biting Rowan's shoulder. He does so several times before remembering that he can talk. He urges Rowan to warn the bad gods as well, and Rowan amends her request to Ashayara Dayne, who then sends runners to each temple to contact the gods.

In order to warn Melora, Rowan and Skud run to the Temple of Melora in the central arboretum of Pelor's Hope tailed by a line of dancing mostly-eaten roast chickens and Hoby, the Pit-Fiend. On the way, Rowan and Skud really bond over how raising undead thralls is basically healing. The doorman at the Temple of Melora is not so convinced, and says that the animated dead are not "Life Affirming", so Rowan is forced to leave them outside.

Rowan then has a slight argument with the doorman, explaining that she is the queen's sister and that she has an urgent message for Melora, that Trant Thumble is going to kill her. The doorman lets her in, but is clearly not convinced that Rowan is telling the truth or sane. Hoby is also speaking in her defense now and then, and is wearing a disguise.
Upon meeting an actual cleric of the temple, she again explains that she is the Queen's sister, with an urgent message for Melora, and not insane. She insists that she is blessed by Melora and Skud chimes in that his father is a God. The cleric does not sound convinced, and as Skud tries to draw a card, Hoby grapples him in a big hug to prevent that, and the cleric tries to Baker Act Rowan.

Upon touching Rowan's shoulder, the cleric is filled with the spirit of Melora, who speaks directly to Rowan through cleric's body. She affirms that Rowan is super cool, as Rowan brings the line of dancing chicken bones into the temple. Rowan warns Melora that Trant is targeting her next, and offers to give Melora a safe haven in the material plane, but Melora insists on staying in her own plane. Melora has to learn from Rowan that Trant has the entire fully functioning God Killer device, unfortunately. Rowan also explains that Tiamat and Bahamut are dead, and that Melora should be careful and warn the other gods. Melora invites Skud and Rowan to go on a hunt with her, after the Trant situation is cleared up.

The cleric regains control over their body, they keep trying to Baker Act Rowan, who leaves immediately, followed by forward rolling chicken carcasses, Skud, and Big Hoby.

Toby and Lahni are eating peach pie and talking to Toby's mom, who assures Toby that he'll always be perfect to her and that she sees nothing wrong with him.

In order to warn him, Lahni calls on Gingar, who is Uthgar with pointy ears. Toby thinks it is a waste of time to talk to such a local small god, but he is trying to be open minded, so he allows Lahni to summon Gingar by faux-pissing ferret wine onto the floor in Toby's parents' dining room in the shape of a wineskin. She says the evocation phrase, and Gingar appears.

Gingar is Uthgar wearing a headband with the Pokémon Gengar *(This makes MisterRed very happy)* on it, and fake pointy ears. Gingar and Lahni high-five, and Gingar asks after Skud. Toby and Lahni warn Uthgar of the danger and that Melora is to be next, though Toby says Gingar need not worry about Trant since he is such an unimportant deity.

Gingar insists that people worry too much, and Toby gets pissed off that Gingar is still wearing the Ring of Exhaustion which has caused him to shrivel and have his teeth falling out. Gingar says that the ring represents his love for his son, and that his teeth grow back anyway. He dismisses himself to take his pizza rolls out of the oven. They forgot to tell him to warn people, but Toby says that it doesnt matter because Uthgar is a liability.

Everyone who needs to know is now warned, and now Toby communicates with the White Spire to create magical battlements, water, food, and housing for the refugees who are likely to appear. They warn the priests all across the Prime Material Plane that their magic might stop working (because the god they channel from is dead). Toby also suggests aid for the followers of Bahamut whose powers will have stopped working.

The Tower of Grey regroups in Greenham and plans to wait until another god dies before attacking Caer, where they could disrupt Trant's base.

Older Man Weck interrupts their planning to clarify some things with the party. Toby insists that he doesn't care if a god dies here or there. Lahni says they should stay with a god and fight Trant together. Rowan wants to protect Melora. Weck suggests that Trant might be absorbing the powers from these dead gods in the same fashion that Lahni did with Orcus' energy.

Lahni insists this isn't possible, because she herself cannot touch the god killer because she has god energy inside her. Toby suggests he must be giving the power to champions, but Weck says that this would be unnecessary if Trant had a device to allow him to handle the device.

At this time, they realize that Trant has a metal prosthetic arm, which can touch the device, and the crew realizes that they have to act fast. Lahni suggests that they should attempt to steal his prosthetic, rendering him unable to use the God Killer. They thank Older Man Weck for his guidance.

They aren't sure if Toby can touch the cube as he is infused with the power of a god (Vecna), but they know that Skud can touch the cube and so can Rowan. Since Lahni cannot, they will have a bit of trouble getting their hands on it.

They decide that, as soon as they see Trant activity, they will descend on him, stealing his arm and retaking the God Killer.

They've distributed spell scrolls and enabled armies to form all across the land to fight against Trant wherever he should appear.

They tell Jaela, Aludra, and Adira to come to Greenham and meet them, and join their hunt for Trant.

Toby calls Kate Aurochs to update her on the situation and find out if she wants to help. Aurochs says she was worried she would fade away without the dragon gods, but she has not, and that her friends probably won't want to help Toby's cause. She suggests that she wants Toby to "take care of her stuff" in a sexual fashion, and Toby immediately excuses himself to go do that real quick (this was a joke probably).

Skud draws a card from his Deck of Many Things, and gains a 4th level Water Genasi fighter... who we will learn about next week.

### Short

The party is split between Pelors Hope and Glaine, Jewel of the East.

In Pelor's Hope, Rowan and Skud and Hoby run to the Temple of Melora, tailed by a line of dancing mostly-eaten roast chickens. Rowan is nearly Baker Acted before Melora inhabits the body of the cleric. Rowan delivers her warning, and Melora invites her and Skud on a hunting trip 'after this is all over'. When Melora hangs up the call, the cleric remembers none of it and continues trying to commit Rowan, so she and Skud have to leave.

In Glaine, Jewel of the East, Toby and Lahni are being entertained and reassured by his mother after having scried on Trant. Lahni summons her god, Gingar (Jin-Gar), pouring wine on Toby's mom's floor. Gingar appears, and is revealed to be Uthgar wearing a headband and fake pointy ears. Taking their warning, Gingar returns to his pizza rolls. Toby instructs White Spire people to create battlements and housing, and to stockpile clean water and food for refugees.

Regrouping in Greenham, they send messages summoning Jaela, Aludra, and Adira to their location so that they might strike together. Weck warns them that Trant may not have the same limitations on handling the artifact as Lahni does. In fact, he may be using his prosthetic arm to handle the device and absorb the powers of more than one god. The gang decides that they have to move against Trantas soon as their allies have gathered. Toby calls Aurochs, who doesn't want to help really but says this might be the last chance they have to shag.

Skud finally pulls a card and summons a 4th level Water Genasi fighter, ending the episode.

## *Trivia*

* This episode was written by Hugo! And then I, MisterRed, came through and made some minor adjustments. Thanks, Hugo!
* Nika won the dice giveaway this week! They did the giveaway again and gave the dice to someone else \*this was edited out of the episode
* The chat, as the Chorus, is always wrong.
* Lahni worships a god local to Arkensaw, named Gingar (pronounced "Jin-gar"), who is actually just Uthgar with pointy ears
	+ Her ritual for communing with Gingar is to use her Ferret Wine to make a wine stain in the shape of a ferret, and asks for his glory and wisdom
* Lahni has a tattoo on her arm that says "Don't Touch". This is ostensibly for The God Killer, but it also reminds her not to touch other things, too
* Skud can touch the God Killer, because he's not a god
	+ Skud is not a god
* Michael realizes that Old Ben Dilladong lives in the Feywild, and therefor might make an appearance in any fight against Trant in the Feywild.
* There was a god, at one point, called Salami.
* Toby is the strongest of any of them.
* Brip Brap has lost levels from spending 7 years lounging
* I'm getting real *Infinity War*, Battle of Wakanda vibes from all this, which is making me nervous...
* Mike Bachmann is the one who ends the episode this week, which is wild
* During the Bananas Foster episode, Michael and Bachmann had a code-word of "Bonana" to signal that Bananas was supposed to die, but Bachmann ignored this. This is the funniest thing I've ever heard.

## **In This Episode...**

### **Cast and Player Characters**

* Michael DiMauro - *Dungeon Master*
* Tim Lanning - Toby Treacletart / Hoby in this episode
* Jennifer Cheek - Rowan Grey / Queen Aludra Wyrmsbane
* Mike Bachmann - Skud Derringer
* Nika Howard - Lahnik "Lahni" Caplain / Jaela

### **Non-Player Characters**

* Trant Thumble
* Queen Ashayara Dayne
* Melora (via Cleric)
* Arleton and Conteza Treacletart
* Gingar (Uthgar)
* Older Man Weck
* Kate Aurochs

### **Pets and Familiars**

* Hoby (Pit Fiend)
* Rowan's Sloppy Pheasants
* Skud's 4th level Water Genasi fighter

### **Locations**

* Drunkeros
	+ Glaine, the Jewel of the East
	+ Pelor's Hope
		- The Temple of Melora
	+ Greenham
		- The Tower of Gray

### **Quest Log Updates**

* [NEW][Active] - Stop The BBEG!
	+ [NEW][Active] - Go to The Feywild and save Melora
* [Active] - Destroy The God Killer
* [Abandoned?] - Find Bigby

### **Quotes**

* **"I'm legit!"** ~ *Rowan Grey*

* **"Unfortunately, I've got some pretty un-chill tidings for you."** ~ *Rowan Grey, to Melora*

* **"Yeah, you'll probably be, like, 50th. You don't rank super high."** ~ *Toby Treacletart*

* **"There was once a god, who, I swear to god, his name was Salami."** ~ *Uthgar, referring to Soloni*

* **"It's fine, you just get another god!"** ~ *Nika, former player of Jaela*

* **"Well, it reminds me not to touch other things, too, but sometimes, it's that..."** ~ *Lahni Caplain*

* **"Jaela tells Aludra that she can't go, if it's true that someone who holds the power of a god touches it and dies, because, truly, a goddess stands before her."** ~ *Nika/Jaela*

* **"I'm sure Yanghar needs, like, an aqueduct built, right? Or, what's the Gremp up to? Um, um..."** ~ *Toby Treacletart, who doesn't want it to end*

* **"That's not my shit, and you know it"** ~ *Kate Aurochs, on taking over the power vaccuum*

* **"Fade out, fade out, fade out! Before Tim and Michael do phone sex with each other, on our podcast!"** ~ *Jennifer Cheek*

## **Rolls**

* **Recap**
	+ Tim - 6
	+ Jennifer - 12
	+ Bachmann - 5
	+ **Nika - 16**

* **Lahni** rolls *Arcana* to see if any god can touch the God Killer - 15
	+ She's pretty sure it's any god