Alf the Steward

*[Whipper] scrambles round to the side door, and it almost hits him as the door bursts open to reveal a stocky, ruddy-faced mountain of an older man, frothing with completely unnecessary piss and vinegar.*
: *- Luke, Episode 1: The Pie Mine Mystery Part 1!*

## History

At some time, Alf became pit boss of the Chunky Bloke Pie Mine. However, further to this part of his job he would also sometimes go into the nearest town, Buggaroo, to accompany visitors or new recruits back to the mine. Because of this, he was sometimes known as "Alf the Steward".
At some point, he came into possession of Little Beefy, whom he considers a good luck charm.

## Characteristics

Alf is a large and imposing human man, with scars from previous combats. He is noticeably older, in human terms, than the player characters.

He speaks in strong Australian dialect and swears frequently, including freely using racist terms. He is described as being full of "completely unnecessary piss and vinegar" and is noticeably short-tempered. However, he is not entirely ill-educated, knowing about and having read sections of McKenzie's Dissertation.

When he appears in Baby Piggy Brayden Part 2!, Alf carries a large magical warhammer.​​

## Episodes

### Episode 1: The Pie Mine Mystery Part 1!

Alf greets the three player characters and accompanies them on the journey to the Chunky Bloke Pie Mine. He questions them about themselves, not being put off by a lack of replies, and tests them by offering them alcohol although they are on the job. He also explains the nature of piebugs and piebug mining, and introduces them to Little Beefy.

When the stagecoach is held up by bushranger trio Methface, Pusbum and Shitgob, Alf instructs Gadai, McKenzie and Plank to handle the situation in order to judge their mettle. When they successfully do so, he acknowledges it and offers them a cigarette. When McKenzie takes it, he states that she will be the security team leader.

### Episode 2: The Pie Mine Mystery Part 2!

As the coach reaches a sign for the Chunky Bloke Pie Mine in the early hours of the morning, Alf is informed that the scarecrow ward for the mine has gone missing, and then spots a flock of Flamin' Crows just before they begin to attack. As Whipper is attacked and knocked off the stagecoach, Alf orders Gadai, McKenzie and Plank to fend off the birds while he gets the coach into the mines. However, as he is driving a Giant Huntsman Spider emerges from a trapdoor and knocks the stagecoach off a cliff. Alf vanishes along with the stagecoach, using his last seconds to throw Little Beefy to safety.

## Appearances

* Episode 1: The Pie Mine Mystery Part 1!
* Episode 2: The Pie Mine Mystery Part 2!
* Episode 15: Baby Piggy Brayden Part 2!

## Trivia

* On his introduction, Alf is stated to be "a good few levels" above the player characters and to have "some battle scars".
* It is stated that Alf and Little Beefy have a bond between them, such that either would allow the other to eat them in the case of necessity, and Alf's last action before disappearing over the cliff is to throw Little Beefy to safety. However, Gadai's animal handling skills are so great that Little Beefy fairly quickly moves on from this friendship.
* The character of Alf is inspired by Home and Away character Alf Stewart, who as of 2020 is the only remaining original cast member in the soap and whose actor Ray Meagher has a Guinness World Record as the longest-serving actor in an Australian serial. Alf is known for being gruff, no-nonsense, and using strong Australian dialect in speech. The character is the best-known user of the phrase "Stone the flamin' crows!".