Duddles

* Duddles
* Fanart by Shyranno

Gwilym "Duddles" Dudwell is a member of the Noble Gases Club in London. Duddles has been granted The Order of Those Most Sanguine and Soporific. He looks a bit like a friendly goosefish. His drink of choice is the martini. He enjoys intelligent conversation but doesn't have the knack for it. He also enjoys seconding things, which he does have the knack for. He regularly sits at the bar practicing writing his letters and can dance a recognizable can-can while singing "Gave My Love a Cherry." Duddles has attempted to eat lint. Maps and cartoons confuse him.

Unobservant, Duddles once failed to notice when Rory spilled a whole can of black paint on him. When the club betted on how many books he could read cover-to-cover in fourteen days, the answer was zero. While playing a game of blindfolded bocce in the sitting room, he once threw three heavy balls directly into the top-shelf liquor, destroying several hundred pounds' worth of rare and expensive liquor. Duddles still believes that the bar spontaneously exploded.

## Cakes and Ale

### Chapter 1

If the Jolly Good Person take the "eels" escape from the Ducks and Drakes restaurant, Duddles and Toppers help Rory seize the crate in front of the Scarlet Awnings Restaurant.

### Chapter 2

The Jolly Good Person can discuss politics with Duddles. He thinks that cleverness consists of knowing names, so he refuses to be corrected when discussing the countries "Algaria" and "Swailand." Because he hates to be corrected, Duddles digs his heels in when confronted with his own mistakes (such as his statement that ice is heavier than water).

He has trouble reading maps, saying, "If I were a choreographer [sic], I would make maps much simpler." Duddles opines that the trouble with maps is that they're much smaller than the actual place and maps should be larger than the place they represent.

Duddles hates cartoons and says, "They never make any sense, and they make me feel foolish." He can't enjoy the cartoon of the talking dog because the humor is too subtle.

Duddles likes to be included and may join the Jolly Good Person if they go to the recreation room to exercise, sing a madrigal with Vyv, or assist Vyv on the phone with their father.

If the Jolly Good Person decides that the interview photo should be all the Noble Gases gathered around the punch bowl, Duddles is the one to hold the punch bowl and consequently drop it when Mr. Angler arrives and announces his intention to foreclose on the property.

### Chapter 3

Duddles does not want to request money from his aunt because she will insist that he attend her society ball, and he hates wearing a tuxedo. He does, however, help carry the large borrowed table down the narrow spiral staircase. He suggests cutting the table into pieces and then nailing it back together at the bottom. Duddles may injure his shoulder while pushing on the table or rip his pants diving off the spiral staircase. Once the table is down the stairs, he excuses himself to lie down.

### Chapter 4

The Jolly Good Person may encounter Duddles' uncle Harold in the Greek restaurant *Polytropos*. Uncle Harold may be persuaded to donate money to the Noble Gases Club.

Duddles audibly weeps in the washroom before the meeting. He doesn't know the words to the club song, and the Jolly Good Person may inadvertently lyric-shame him. During the meeting, Paige may reveal that Duddles keeps two hundred readies (his life savings) in a cherry brandy bottle on a windowsill on the third floor.

### Chapter 5

(You must choose the "punch someone at a political rally" scandal to encounter Paige, who will tell you a few things about Duddles.)

Duddles has driven Paige and himself to the arena. She reveals that on the way there, he drove the wrong way up a one-way street, "and not even the way you are thinking. He went perpendicular to it." Paige references a time when Duddles got up to speak on behalf of the Noble Gases ordering more pickled onions only to break down in tears and concede when the Jolly Good Person asked, "But whatever for?" She also claims that he laughs when there is too much parsley on his plate.

### Chapter 6

At the arena, Duddles shows a limited capacity for dinner conversation, lying, and table manners. Pilcrow polishes Duddles' boxing gloves between rounds at his request. During the evening, Duddles may catch his tie on the window frame or tie his shoes to his boxing gloves. He has accidentally punched a teammate and stabbed one with a fork. He tries to juggle wine glasses and meets with predictable consequences.

If the Jolly Good Person has a liaison with Fitzie in a storage closet, Duddles interrupts while looking for ice and balls. If the Noble Gases win the competition, he sprays President Ernie with a bottle of champagne.

### Chapter 7

If the Jolly Good Person has no love interest, they wake sandwiched between Duddles and Toppers. Duddles may reveal that on his first attempt to break the record leaping across the pool and grabbing a ring. As he tells it, "I missed it by a mile. On account of Toppers blindfolding me and insisting I try it after downing a fifth of scotch. When I woke up, I was under the billiard table."

### Chapter 8

If Gilberto is vice president, Duddles breaks a chair by resting his foot on the wicker seat in order to tie his shoe but instead putting his foot through the seat.