Super Duper Man (Fictional Masterpiece)

### **Written by: D♥lf!narium**

“But dad! I don’t want to look at dolphins again! We’ve gone to see her four times this week!”

“Shut the fuck up, Jolyne. If you whine any more, you’re going back to uncle Polnareff!” Jotaro replied calmly.

“Not that shithead again! He keeps talking French and smells like blue cheese!” Jolyne cried.

“Don’t make me make Uncle Platty appear and ORA you to the dolphinarium!” Jotaro said calmly.

“Fuck uncle Plat--” “SUTA PURACHINUMMU, ZA WARUDO!”

The next thing Jolyne saw, was a fucking dolphin. “Shit. It’s a fucking dolphin.” said Jolyne unimpressed. “Do not talk that way about your stepmother!” Jotaro yelled. “Flipper has given you nothing but love!”. “Flipper hasn’t given me shit, dad! Flipper is a fucking fish!”

“FLIPPER IS NOT A FISH JOLYNE! FLIPPER IS A FUCKING MAMMAL LIKE YOU AND I!” “Shit dad! Sorry I didn’t study all 8 years of my life to become a shitty marine biologist!”

“I’ll have you know, that I earn more than that shithead Josuke!” Jotaro said with a sour expression.

“But Josuke’s gonna be a professional gamer, dad! At least he’ll have an exciting life!” Jolyne said.

“Flipper, my love… I’m back.”Jotaro said, caressing the glass wall. ”Our daughter has a real filthy mouth, doesn’t she, Flipper?”

“Yes my beautiful, smart beautiful marine biologist,”Jotaro replied to himself in a high-pitched voice,”she should really learn some manners!”

“See, Jolyne? Mom agrees.” Jotaro said sporting an all-knowing face.

“Grow the fuck up, dad!”

People started pointing at the strange man who was now hugging the glass.

Jolyne was so ashamed, she angrily tried to storm out of the building.

She ran and ran but, she didn’t manage to get any closer to the exit.

“Fuck you, Uncle Platty!”

“Now, you apologize to Uncle Platty, young lady” Flipper seemed to reply, though Jotaro was fooling no-one.

“I WISH DIO WAS MY DAD! HE WOULD’VE TAKEN ME TO NICER PLACES, LIKE FUCKING ITALY! NOT THIS SHITTY DOLPHINARIUM!”

Jotaro tried to climb into the tank to cover his lovers’ ears. However, he realized far too late that he could not actually climb glass and he fell to the ground.

“Would you two shut up?! I’m trying to draw this fish!” Rohan yelled.

“It’s not a goddamn fish you degenerate! I don’t even like your fucking wits!” Jotaro replied.

“Then why the hell did you drag me along again?! Come on, Koichi, let’s get out of here.”

“Rohan, why did you take me along only to make me leave after 20 minutes?! The fish are so pretty!” Koichi said.

“GOD FUCKING D--”

Jotaro threw his family-lunch-bag at Koichi’s face, and missed. Instead, he hit his uncle Josuke who was  playing “Oh! That’s a baseball!” in the corner of the room on his new Nintendo Switch. “WHAT THE HELL, I WAS ABOUT TO BE WORLD CHAMPION, JOTARO-SAN!” Josuke threw his Nintendo Switch at Jotaro’s face, but alas, this family seems to be bad at aiming. He hit the glass, scaring poor Flipper.

“JOSUKE YOU SHITHEAD YOU SCARED FLIPPER”. “Don’t look, my love. I need to do this to protect you...” Jotaro whispered to his wife as he summoned uncle Platty.

In response, Josuke summoned uncle Di and got ready for battle.

The sudden yelling scared Gramps Kira. Gramps Kira had continued hunting our friends through the years, creating random standusers every day. Gramps Kira dropped his arrow into the fish tank (IT’S A FUCKING MAMMAL TANK), hitting poor Flipper right in the fin, thus unlocking the supreme stand, **Super Duper Man**.

**Super Duper Man**

He’s got sexy x-ray eyes

And his legs are really nice

Power: D

Speed: B

Range: A

Durability: E

Precision: C

Growth Potential: E

Gramps Kira quickly dove in after his beloved arrow, but nearly drowned as the photograph got wet. Flipper and Super Duper Man saved him from his grim demise and he would be forever in their debt.

Gramps Kira: Retired (for now)

As all this happened, Jotaro and Josuke were focussed on the battle to come. Rohan, meanwhile was shouting obscenities at both of them. Soon, loud ORAs and DORAs filled the room as Koichi and Yukako were discussing the beautiful marine environment shown in the fish tanks. Rohan stopped shouting as he noticed this and instantly joined the discussion as he wanted to share in Koichi’s attention. Flipper noticed the interest in its mammal tank, and used Super Duper Man to flex its nice legs for Koichi and his crowd.

“WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU FLEXING FOR THESE PEOPLE, FLIPPER?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE SPECIAL, I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE ONLY MONOGAMOUS DOLPHIN KNOWN TO MAN!” Jotaro shouted. “But Jotaro, I just wanted attention from you, you only visit like ten times a week and that’s too little for me, my love.” Jotaro said in a squeaky voice. “I still need to work to afford these trips, honey” he replied to himself. “Then why don’t you get a job here? Don’t you love me enough?” he squeaked. “DON’T YOU THINK I HAVEN’T THOUGHT OF THAT? YOU KNOW I DON’T COMBINE LOVE AND WORK” he blurted out, almost crying.

“What the fuck, man.” Josuke said.

Flipper used its brand new sexy x-ray eyes and saw that poor Joseph was overheating as he was still locked up in the car. It was 40C outside, Flipper saw, and this was not a good situation for an old man to be in.

Meanwhile, Koichi noticed that Flipper was spazzing out in the fish tank. Squeaks very much unlike the ones Jotaro tends to utter were heard.  “What a cute fish, Koichi said!” Yukako and Rohan agreed, but then again, they always did.

Flipper used Super Duper Man’s sexy eyes to see that everyone here was fucking retarded. Meanwhile, Flipper saw a very French-smelling man grab Jolyne from the shadows. Knowing that this girl was usually with the man who always brought a lot of food, Flipper thought it was in its best interest to give helping these worthless pieces of shit another shot. Flipper squeaked some more, but alas.

“Oh Flipper~!” Jotaro said “Are you telling me how much you love me?! I know you are!” As the rest of people were staring at Jotaro, he angrily said “Don’t judge, you fuckers. I studied this shit. What have you done with your lives?!”

About an hour later, as he wanted to bring Jolyne to child protective services, Josuke noticed that she was gone. “Jotaro-san! What have you done with Jolyne?! Have to tried throwing her in the fish tank again?!” “HER MOTHER WANTED TO HUG HER YOU FUCKER AND IT’S NOT A FISH TANK!”