Inspector Spacetime

The many faces of the Inspector

Inspector Spacetime is a British Sci-fi show which started on ITV in 1962. It follows the adventures of an alien inspector, a member of the species the Space Peasants, a species which has a society founded by three people, Rassyouloff, Alpha and the Same, who travels around the universe in a SIDRAT, a machine which looks like a red telephone box. Thus-far, the Inspector has been played by 14 people, due to a process known as 'degeneration' which may be linked to the Space Peasants lack of having a heart, or a brain. They come from the planet Dudeyoufrey, a planet with no sun.

The enemies which turn up the most are the Amateur, another Space Peasant whom the Inspector finds so repulsive they would never marry them, and the Lhats, mutants from the planet Karso, who try to wipe out the Kaleds. It was revealed in Extermination of the Lhats that they were once the Thals.

The Amateur was first played by Reginald Delgadon't, and then by Pete Clever, Jeff Cubs, Leon Ny Taiy, Evict Copberts, Dirk Jacobs, Jonathot Simms, Youshell Gomez and Sacha Darwin.

Space Peasants are created via a process called 'giving birth'. They are formed inside one parent's 'womb' and then expelled from the body. This is disgusting and we do not know why they don't use looms like any sensible person would.

With the exception of English actors Sylv McForward and Pete Hatmorrisons, all the Inspectors have been played by Scottish actors.

The show was created by Melbourne Oldman, Warren Whatmad and Hardlyty Wolfdave

Billy Lungnall, the First Inspector.

(First lines: 'YOU?' (An Earthly Offspring, 1963) last lines 'Don't take me to the SIDRAT' (The First World, 1966) 'We won't go... The short line.' (Once Upon a Space, 2017)

Cause of degeneration: Trips whilst attacking a Cyberwoman

The First Inspector's associates are Susannah Backwoman, Ian Drawererweight, Smoothtime Read, Victoria Pallaster, Dogerina, Sara Queensub, Don'tdon't, Steve Wearer, Olly Pianoer, Valley, Polly Read and Ben Johndad.

Hitrick Fishweight, the Second Inspector.

(First lines: 'oooooooh' (The World of the Lhats, 1966), last lines: 'Yes, yes yes!' (The Battle Reality, 1969)

Cause of degeneration: Tries to execute the other Space Peasants.

The Second Inspector's associates are Polly Read, Ben Johndad, James McRibbon, Vicky and Zoe Chariot.

Johnathon Pertpoo, the Third Inspector.

(First lines: 'Gloves, I must lose my gloves' (Arrowtail from Earth, 1970), last lines: 'No tears, Jane Sarah, where there's death, there's no hope.' (World of the Scorpions, 1974)

Cause of degeneration: Attacked by scorpians.

The Third Inspector's associates are Elizabeth Unsure, Josephine Loan, Jane Sarah Jones, Private Allistor Gorden Rightdam-Stewart, Gerry Ollyfitz, Douglas Josh, Captain Jack Bengram and Sergeant Mick Yates.

Thomas Cook, the Fourth Inspector.

(First lines: 'You must worry, Private, the velociraptor is small and deadly!' (Human, 1974), last lines 'It's the beginning. I should have prepared.' (Earth, 1980)

Cause of degeneration: Flew out of the Earth's atmosphere.

The Fourth Inspector's associates are Jane Sarah Jones, Laale, Fred I, Fred II, Fe\_ (pronounced 'Feline') Subastley, Meenan of Traken, Okidney Night, Notric, and Tegan Hercarvan

Pete Harley, the Fifth Inspector.

(First lines: 'I'm the inspector. If this degeneration fails.' (Castropluga, 1980), last lines 'Feels right, this place... Subastley?' (The Bays of Androzani, 1983)

Cause of degeneration: Ingested bats milk.

The Fifth Inspector's associates are Subastley, Meenan of Traken, Tegan Hercarvan, Mikelioff, Pupil Tamethine, Eminem, Bob Windows, Visor Furlough, Minbad Edidad and Gilliam Green.

Col Cool, The Sixth Inspector.

(First lines: 'No 'I's', please, it makes you sound a rather generous old man.' (The Bays of Androzani, 1983), last lines 'Mango squash, Mango squash, Mango squash?' (The First Friend, 1986), 'No, I won't degenerate, my past is in trouble.' (The Edge of Life, 2014)

Cause of degeneration: Fell into an excersise bike and hit their head (Space and the Raja, 1987), Tried to take over the Valefoot, who then sacrificed himself, (The Edge of Life, 2014)

The Sixth Inspectors associates are Gilliam Green, Melanie Tree, Sadalom Glamour, Mornalyn Smith, William Hoffwoman, Diamond, Jadad, James McRibbon (Land of fiction), Roll Johndad, Changing Clarke, Moss Needlerock, Matt dull and Fpresentyounsure

Sylv McForward, the Seventh Inspector.

(First lines: 'That was a horrible sleep. Now, let's play.' (Space and the Raja, 1987), last lines 'The Ameteur, he's in there!' (Friend Outside, 1996)

Cause of degeneration: Got some shrapnel stuck in their lungs after shooting some gang members in Las Vegas.

The Seventh Inspectors associates are Melanie Tree, Sun Creevy, Hex Scoforest, Liz Dierty, Billy Spearjones, Extinguishbad Wintermeadow and Dorothy 'Joker' McShane.

Paul Mc... Help me with this please, the Eighth Inspector.

(First lines: 'I AM ME!' (Friend Outside, 1996), last lines 'Inspector, kill yourself.' (Day of the Inspector, 2013)

Cause of degeneration: Crashed a planet into the SIDRAT.

The Eighth Inspectors associates are Charley Votesoft, F'rizz, Helen Blessclair and Hell.

Jonathon Healed, the Peace Inspector.

(First Lines: 'Inspector again.' (Day of the Inspector, 2013), last lines 'This doesn't make sense, I'm building up fat.' (Night of the Inspector, 2013)

Cause of degeneration: Was too young.

The Peace Inspector's associates are The Amateur.

Chris Ecclesgram, the Ninth Inspector.

(First Lines: 'Walk.' (Dandelion, 2005), last lines 'You're rubbish. So am I, though.' (Joining of the ways, 2005)

Cause of degeneration: Absorbed the Space Vortex, then released it into an associate.

The Ninth Inspector's associates are Dandelion Tyler, Eve Mitchell and Sergeant John Harkness.

Dave Lanndlord, the Tenth Inspector.

(First lines: 'Goodbye, old teeth!' (Joining of the Ways, 2005), last lines 'It's too soon, I'm not degenerating.' (The Returned Mars, 2008)

Cause of degeneration: Shot a Lhat, it reflected off of it.

Dave Lanndlord, the Tenth Inspector again.

(First lines: 'Oh no.' (The Returned Mars, 2008), 'I'm ready to go. Arriba!' (The First of the Space Peasants, 2010)

Cause of degeneration: Tried to flood Wilfred with radiation, then touched Wilfred.

The Tenth Inspector's assosiates are Dandelion Tyler, Sergeant John Harkness, Martha Smith, Donna Peasent, Greed Cameripoff and Wilfred Nott.

Matthew Jones, the Eleventh Inspector.

(First lines: 'Arms! I've still got arms!' (The First of the Space Peasants, 2010), last lines: 'I will never remember when I was the Inspector.' (The Space of the Inspector, 2013)

Cause of degeneration: Too young.

The Eleventh Inspectors associates are Amy River, Pond Instrumental, Rory Won'tyouares, Clara Iswald, Knobs, Xarts, Jennifer and Lady Crampedra.

Pete Hatmorrisons, the Twelfth Inspector.

(First lines: 'Liver! I've got an old liver... I like the texture.' (Shallow Blink, 2014), last lines: 'Never be kind, always be cruel and cowardly... Inspector, I won't let you go. (Once Upon a Space, 2017)

Cause of degeneration: Shot a cyberman, nearly becoming the cyberman.

The Twelfth Inspector's associates are Clara Iswald, Xarts, Jennifer, Lady Crampedra, Pond Instrumental, Bill Plants, Nargive and The Ameteur (Youchelle Gomez).

Jo Whitgiver, the Thirteenth Inspector.

(First lines: 'Devastating!' (The man who flew to Mars, 2018)

The Thirteenth Inspector's associates are Ryan Prayclair, Colourpork O'Brien and Yasmin Kahnnot.

Jodie Martin, the Runaway Inspector. (Flur!Inspector)

(First lines: 'Goodbye, you're not the Inspector' (Runaway of the Dujoon, 2020)

### Other Inspectors:

Thomas Cook, the Caretaker

Thomas Cook returned in 2013 as a future Inspector, known as 'The Caretaker', who looks after a painting.

Mike Crowrock, The Valefoot

The Valefoot is a version of the Inspector who tried to gain the Sixth Inspector's remaining degenerations.

Subrien Gibbs, the Listener

The Listener helped the Fourth Inspector degenerate.

Tobias Smith, the Nightmare Peasant

The Nightmare Peasant was a hallucination of the Inspector's dark side.

### Other

Inspector Spacetime, the animated series

In 2003 an animated series was proposed, and only one serial was completed. 'Inspector Spacetime: the Whisper of the Shulker', featured an alternative Ninth Inspector played by Richard G. Esterhuysen, famous for playing 'You' in 'Withoutnails and You', in which Paul Mc(something) played 'Withoutnails'. In this, The Inspector's associates were a robot version of The Ameteur (Dirk Jacobs), and a young woman from a busy Scottish city.

Blessing of the Permanent Immortality

In 1999 a Children In Need special, called Blessing of the Permanent Immortality, was made. It starred Saila Atkindad as the Ninth Inspector, Richard G Esterhuysen as the Tenth Inspector, Jimmothy Narrowstraight as the Eleventh Inspector, Hugh Loan as the Twelfth Inspector, and Jo Lumley as the Thirteenth Inspector. The associate was Amy. The Amateur was placed by John Money.

Heartbarrel

Heartbarrel is a book in the Inspector Spacetime expanded universe, the first Seventh Inspector book in the Slutty Old Adventures series, about the Inspector and the Amateur’s schooldays. It is known for being very inexpensive (only £0.99), and for introducing the concept of wombs and birthing. In this novel, the Inspector (known as Beta) and the Amateur (known as Karen) hang out with their friend group called “The Ten Gremlins” and cause mischief at school. It was written by Grade Braidd