Yvonne Lissner

**Yvonne Lissner** also known as Thanna Jade is the perfect anti-thesis of Jade Lensky in almost every sense: short & thin, pale skin, fluffy blonde hair, zero compassion, totally obsessed with etiquette, cold & reserved, typical German face, the one & only child of an abusive single mom, ultra-conservative political views, doesn't make many friends, doesn't flirt, doesn't give a shit about big humanistic ideals & so on.

The only thing the two have in common is that they are both machiavellian & goddamn smart! They become interdependent as a result of their schemes against each other back on Earth 2. She might come off as her shoddy imitation being a simple homo sapiens, not an Imperatrix like Jade, but looks can decieve as we all know!!

## Early life

Yvonne was born in Zürich on the 1st of may 1975, raised by an Erin Brokovich type of hippie woman who wanted to pimp her for high-profile businessmen. She runs away to live with her father, a former client of her mom who could not see the girl until she was thirteen.

Her dad is a very introverted brilliant physics teacher (and later a cell mate of Julian Lensky for more than 2 years) named Saddam Lissner, having adopted the first name of a popular 20th century Ottoman general killed by ExCom night hawks back in the 60's.

### Father

Yvonne regards her father as an unsung hero, sucking his ultra-reactionary ideas up like a sponge while paying lip service to libertarian principles as well. She used to cut herself as a teenage girl, but quickly grew out of it & became a notorious goth femme fatale who socialized with snobbish liberal hipsters only to piss them off with her flamboyantly right-wing views.

## Thanna career

She gets a PhD in Systems Engineering at the Federal Institute of Technology, also known as ETH, joining the International Space Marine Corps immediately afterwards. She becomes a Thanna disciple studying their ancient scripture from dawn till dusk after getting abducted by Laconic troops on Ganymede back in 2001: being one of the few humans the baronesses do respect, she becomes their trusted advisor who also gives them sons to reproduce with.

She becomes a "moderate" poster child who tries not to interfere with the outside world too much. But she also stops at nothing to establish & preserve her eternal life of decadent luxury in her own little private Switzerland, on a harsh but very mineral-rich planet named Helvetia Prime where she tortures handsome young men for fun. She didn't have much luck with the guys before, let's just say, despite not being ugly & neither stupid. They didn't treat her very well. Now they do!!!

## Affair with DML

Yvonne develops a very condescending interest in me when I run away from our Tinder date on Earth 2 without paying at the bar: I gave up listening to her anti-commie diatribes after trying to argue with her in vain for more than 80 minutes. In late 2017 she decides to lure one of my 3 existing bodies into a trap: feeling terribly confused about my life, I spend a night with underage girls in a Mars NN hostel before waking up in a prison cell on her own private spacecraft.

Yvonne is playing nice, although she doesn't miss a single chance to remind me that I ran away without paying at the bar. All my narrative memories are automatically destroyed after my apprehension, so I can't help her with much information on Jade & her friends, but she decides to keep me as a personal jester anyway: I have to kneel in the corner of her office all day & abase myself with pointless ordeals in front of her staff to amuse her with my pain. She tortures me to death almost every week, only to revive me in a new clone immediately afterwards.

## Marriage

With all sorts of sadistic domination suiting her just as well as it suited Jade, I fall so deeply in love with Yvonne that all my thoughs not directly related to her are slowly erased from my mind. I come to believe with all my heart that she created me in the first place & so the only purpose of my entire existence is the momentary satisfaction of her whims.

Having convinced me that my love for her is much stronger than my love for Izabel ever was, she decides to finally love me back: she takes me along for all her trips in a golden cage in which my nearly naked body was always visible to everyone at the airports & she seemed really proud of me! When a personal advisor suggests that I should be killed lest our affair becomes too much of a liability, she decides to kill the advisor instead.

### Thanna Ranizhan

She is more receptive to the suggestion of a visiting mining baroness named Thanna Ranizhan who borrows me for a night: she turns out so pleased with my wits & my sexual performance that she even buys herself a clone of me to become her toilet slave. The baroness weighed more than 150 kilograms, which means she spent a whole lot of time on the loo.

Main article: Thanna Ranizhan

### Evil DML

The baroness instructs Yvonne to turn our affair official with a huge wedding! Although she is initially reluctant, she soon makes up her mind & we get married in a big ceremony with hundreds of high-profile guests, including Nadine Ranigan + also Jade herself: this is how Evil DML comes finally to the stage!!!

Since Yvonne kept me turned off whenever I wasn't spendig time with her, I was intuitively assuming to have become the most important part of her life even though I was anything but. This has prompted Nadine to also turn me off every now & then just to make me feel more important in her life! Jade is not much into that kind of shit so she never turns me off, which is why I will always be a Lensky regardless of what happens to my other clones.

## Helvetia Prime

Evil DML is cloned & sent to the Ranigan star as an ambassador of Helvetia Prime, instructed to co-operate with Ranigan Central Intelligence & also the main branch of Me to prevent a Laconic invasion of her planet. The two rival DML's spend a lot of time trying to understand each other, a luxury we can fortunately afford on SM9A43 Ranigan. We also spar a lot in a fighting ring!

Back home, the couple becomes a fixture within the Righteous Alliance to prevent a Thanna invasion as well. Yvonne wants to turn her planet as neutral as possible, the way her beloved Switzerland used to be before the Soviet Union came around: she gives birth to 2 sons, betrothing one to the daughter of a prominent baroness & the other to an apolitical Ranigan girl.

She is also very much against any co-operation with anti-human entities despite being a devout anti-humanist, instructing her space forces to open fire if they try to come around. Helvetia Prime becomes a right-wing utopia offering generous assistance to all unemployed citizens as long as they study Thanna scripture & do military yoga sessions with their sexy cyborg supervisors every day.

Men are also required to write love letters to their supervisors & show up whenever they get picked for an orgy: this is common practice in all Ranisch worlds! A sprawling bastion of the Righteous Alliance & a trustworthy trading partner of Ranathan Cargo as well, this here is a big Singapore on steroids with more than five billion inhabitants as of 2025. Like in Singapore & unlike back in Switzerland, there ain't no democracy here: everything is decided by Yvonne & her trusted advisors in the end!

Immigrants are hand-picked from all over the universe, with a relative majority coming from an Earth 2 under Jezebel siege. Unskilled workers are all rejected while skilled ones are often abducted against their will. Like we said, Yvonne doesn't give a shit about the Habeas Corpus principle! Although nominally supportive of an ethical code protecting "righteous" slaves from the excesses of their owners, she is nonetheless deeply involved in the trade.