Iron Chef Hatchet

**Iron Chef Hatchet** is the thirteenth episode of Total Drama: Resurrection.

## Synopsis

The remaining fourteen contestants must flex their culinary muscles and cook for the hosts and an extra special guest judge.

## Script

### Intro - Recap

**Setting: Pahkitew Island, the Docks, nighttime**

**Chris**:

Last time on Total Drama: Resurrection…

**Blaineley**:

Heather officially declared hunting season on Courtney, betraying her as an ally and revealing her intentions of betraying Dave, Scott, and Shawn after Amy and Shawn discussed his growing relationship with Dave and it’s… otherworldly complications.

**Chris**:

Blaineley then tried to make the final step to attempt at usurping me as host once and for all and tried to have the remaining contestants flush me out of hiding. Unbeknownst to her, her failure was already guaranteed as she had voided her contract, lost her majority shares, and is now forced to split equal hosting duties with me. Don’t play a player, kids.

**Blaineley**:

…Amy defied expectations and an attempted throwing of the challenge by Sadie and Samey as she took down the last remaining Viper standing in her way, Scott, to win the first challenge in quite a long time for the Ravenous Raccoons, forcing the Vicious Vipers to decide which of their teammates would be their fourth eliminated.

**Chris**:

Don’t be in such a rush because you’re embarrassed to have been outwitted, Hagatha. Anne Maria was left quite flushed as Dave nearly eliminated Shawn’s existence and Alejandro’s faux romance with Topher started to show its cracks. Courtney went above and beyond trying to bring me back to Blaineley to save herself from what seemed like certain, impending doom upon a Vicious Viper loss, however when reality of her being used to cast a diversion against Eva, she shut down and accepted her loss.

**Blaineley**:

In the end, Heather decided to send Courtney into a spiral as Alejandro had used the second of three Blaineley Busts to grant her the Power of Numerology, allowing her to cast a second vote. When the votes had been tallied, Zoey was eliminated in a shocking vote of five against four, being blindsided by her trusted ally Heather. However, she decided to take it well and left on quite a high note. I hate to say that I’ll miss her.

**Chris**:

And I hate to say that the Bust twist was quite a good way to shake up the game.

**Blaineley**:

If you like that idea, strap yourself in. It’s just beginning.

**Chris**:

Oh, I love the sound of that.

**Blaineley**:

How will Courtney be able to bounce back from yesterday?

Will Heather be able to remain dominant?

Can the Ravenous Raccoons keep up a winning streak?

**Chris**:

Find out today on TOTAL!

DRAMA!

RESURRECTION!

***The theme song plays***

### Act One - The Cabins

**Setting: Pahkitew Island, outside the cabins, morning**

*Another morning on the island. The sun rises up over the view of the cabins stationed ahead of the trees. Amy and Shawn exited their cabins carrying the same baskets they use to forage every morning. Before walking down the steps of their respective cabins, the two did a few stretches in order to prepare for the inevitably long day ahead of them. The two then walked off together towards the forest. From the events of their last forage in the previous episode, Shawn walks behind Amy, his eyes squinting in a glare, still suspicious and suspecting her of being a zombie. Amy rolls her eyes when she notices him following her.*

**Amy** (*irritated*):

Don’t you have someone else’s business to mind?

**Shawn** (*playing clueless*):

I don’t know what you’re talking about. We literally do this every morning.

**Amy**:

You’re not up my ass every morning, now, are you?

**Shawn**:

Trust me, I wouldn’t dare.

**Amy**:

You wouldn’t be invited. I’d have to disinfect after.

**Shawn** (*a bit offended*):

Why does everybody think I stink?

**Amy**:

Well, look at the material.

**Shawn**:

And just what is that supposed to mean? I shower daily… when I remember.

**Amy** (*disgusted*):

I’m sure you’re all sudsy clean underneath the layers of grease, Cheeto crumbs, flop sweat, dirt, grime, and dust.

**Shawn**:

Hey! It’s not that bad!

**Amy**:

I’m sure you believe that. I don’t know how your clean freak boyfriend can stand it.

**Shawn**:

…I don’t like this topic, let’s switch to something else.

**Amy** (*a little malevolently*):

Fine with me… Let’s talk about how everyone knows you and Dave are together now. Do you feel like that puts a target on your back? Or maybe his?

**Shawn**:

I genuinely don’t care if anybody knows the far less than juicy details of my love life. It’s not like my relationship with Dave is some sort of lava cake. As for targets, I believe that I’ve subconsciously been one for a while. If anything, Dave’s position is secured for the time being. Heather thinks she has this entire game plotted out to the last detail based on her every whim. She still has a lot to learn.

**Amy**:

I still can’t believe that she just threw Zoey to the wolves like that. It just seems like such a misstep of a move. It shows her ideology of planning to throw her allies out very early. I don’t see what she gains from turning on Zoey and blindsiding her. It just seems cruel, even to me.

**Shawn**:

You’re not as perceptive as you think you are. It was a very calculated move Heather organized that pretty much everyone was in on. Zoey played too hard too fast in order to try and prove something to herself. She absolutely did achieve what her goal was, but it also put quite a large target on her back. She is a competitive threat, so that was enough itself to set her up. Sure, it’s a cold move, but that’s the way the game goes.

**Amy**:

Ah, so since you helped in the plan of voting out a competition threat, you think that you’ll be the next to go and you can’t even get upset about it.

**Shawn** (*sarcastic*):

Oh, that wit of yours is razor sharp. It’s not at all as if I spelled it out for you.

**Amy**:

Get bent.

**Shawn**:

But I didn’t necessarily go with the plan Heather laid out for me like Dave did.

**Amy** (*curious*):

What do you mean? What was the plan?

**Shawn**:

I’m not going to tell the opposition the full plan, but Heather essentially told Dave and I to help her vote out Zoey with the promise of security from any impending votes, which is obviously a lie. She had the plan to have the votes against Courtney be from only Anne Maria and Topher because they don’t like her, and from Alejandro to help keep up appearances with Zoey. I also chose to vote for Courtney for a reason, and I’m sure I’ll face scrutiny for it later.

**Amy** (*playfully malicious*):

You’re not as clever as you think you are.

**Shawn**:

What do you mean?

**Amy**:

You always think you’re being so cryptic, but you’re easy to read. Clearly you openly distrust Heather’s word and tried to save Zoey. Knowing that this wouldn’t be enough to actually keep her around, your vote against Courtney seems to aid Courtney’s plan to break her down, but you did it because you want to test her and see if she’s capable of growth.

**Shawn** (*a bit dumbstruck at her accurate read)*:

I have to give you credit, maybe you can read the room. You’re just irrational and don’t know how to put that accuracy to work.

**Amy**:

So are you going to explain why you’re invading my air or do I just have to cope with the stench of your rotten breath and decayed teeth?

**Shawn**:

Eh, I’m still not convinced that you’re a real person and not just Samey’s dark thoughts reincarnated and personified as her identical twin.

**Amy** (*struggling to contain her laughter*):

I’m glad I can keep you guessing. By the way, how is investigating your boyfriend?

**Shawn**:

I didn’t really get much of a chance yesterday, but I did find out that he has a great lung capacity… Maybe I should rephrase that.

**Amy** (*disgusted*):

That’s much more than I needed to know.

**Shawn** (*annoyed*):

Shut up, you know what I meant! He gave me CPR after accidentally nearly killing me. That will come in handy when the apocalypse comes and we may need to relocate to an underwater shelter… Of course, I’d have to teach him to swim first.

**Amy** (*dismissive*):

Wild. So how about Topher pretty much telling everyone the secret about you and Dave?

**Shawn**:

Again, I really don’t care if anyone knows my relationship information, although I’d prefer the private details of my life remaining private. I don’t see what is so special about it that it needed to become, according to Topher, the top trending thing on Twerter. It’s just boring, unnecessary information. There are plenty of couples out there in the world, why bother with mine? Besides, they could talk about your relationship with Scott, instead.

**Amy** *(all merriment draining from her face)*:

Just what nonsense are you droning on about now?

**Shawn** (r*eveling in their changed positions*):

Oh come on, Amy. It’s hardly hidden how much you’re into him. Even inviting him to your fancy catered five-star dinner.

**Amy** (*annoyed*):

His invitation was solely for gameplay reasons. It was a thank you for his throwing of the challenge and allowing me to win.

**Shawn** (*confused, then it hits him*):

Throwing the challenge? What are you- Oh, yeah! Scott threw the challenge. That’s true.

**Amy**:

Besides, that turned out to be a mistake.

**Shawn**:

How so?

**Amy**:

First of all, our “catered dinner” was just some hamburgers and hotdogs Chef grilled. After everyone had eaten one, Scott decided that he was still hungry and proceeded to inhale everything remaining, right down to the condiments. He then decided to burp in my face and rub his bloated, ghostly white stomach in front of me. He then stood up, threw up, and then crawled under the picnic table and passed out.

**Shawn**:

What’s so bad about that?

**Amy**:

It’s called manners and etiquette.

*The camera cuts to a confessional block.*

**Shawn**:

Sure, I could try to set Topher up and have him eliminated for reporting the news of my personal life twice this season already, but why waste the energy and the brain power? My target is Heather and I need to find the right opportunity to make the right moves or else I’m going to be the next to go.

**Amy**:

Scott is absolutely vile, disgusting, and repulsive. He has no manners and he has no class. He eats like a hog and smells like a barn. He acts like a feral animal. He is also the most charming, entertaining man I’ve ever met… Wait! I take it back! Give me that tape!

*Amy lunges at the camera as it quickly cuts to static and then to Sadie.*

**Sadie**:

Amy stumbled her way into victory by having Scott feel bad for her enough to throw it at the end. Sure, it was nice to have a night off from voting Amy out and she manages to weasel her way out of it, but it’s back to plotting now. With Samey’s help and swinging Lindsay and Tyler over to our side, the job will be done. The only problem is that Samey isn’t as determined as I am, and she seemed to want to win the challenge yesterday even after I told her that we were throwing it. I need to keep this all in line and do what I need to get my way.

**Scott** (*tired and full, occasionally burping between words*):

The pretty bossy lady… invited me to dinner and we had such a good time, even… though other people were around on our first date. Ate… a lot and then I needed to lie down. She… rubbed my stomach and my… back so I’d feel better. Then I fell asleep. Maybe I should throw the… next challenge and then we can get to the… next base!

**Courtney** *(she’s solemn and gloomy after yesterday*):

I don’t know what’s left for me here. I was spared for some reason last night, but that isn’t going to happen again if the opportunity comes. I need to do anything that I can to stay around. I need to stay here and win this game! There’s got to be a way to bounce back from this and keep myself off the block, but until then, I simply have to win every challenge from now until the end, and I know that I can do it.

**Tyler**:

I’m not sure what this means, but Blaineley said that she liked my chest and then she gave me this weird thing. I wonder what it is.

*Fumbling around the outhouse confessional looking for something, Tyler keeps hitting his head and hands on things before falling over. He then holds up a yellow bust in the shape of Blaineley’s head. He is in possession of the third and final Blaineley Bust.*

Found it!

*The camera cuts to static and then back to the two teams at breakfast. Scott is still asleep under the Raccoon’s table as the remaining fourteen contestants gathered at the tables set aside for their teams to enjoy the breakfast. Lindsay shook Scott awake, and after he hit his head on the underside of the table, moved to sit beside Shawn, who’s hand was immediately held by Dave as he sat beside him as Topher was fawning over himself as he took selfies of himself and Alejandro. Courtney just sat at the table in silence, holding her head up with one hand as she used the other to play with the morning’s supply of berries, not eating.*

**Heather**:

What’s with you?

**Courtney:**

Nothing…

**Heather**:

Cheer up. You’re still here, aren’t you?

**Courtney** (*angry*):

Not for long after the stunt you pulled yesterday to turn everyone against me!

**Heather**:

And yet the votes were still there to keep you, you’re welcome. Thank me.

**Courtney**:

Thank you? You expect me to thank you?

**Heather**:

Surely you cannot be upset with me for your plans getting exposed. Perhaps you should hide them better, maybe. In the meantime, pull yourself together. You’re still here.

**Courtney**:

Only because you’d decided that your underling was too powerful to leave around and-

**Heather**:

And you did not? Not only did you vote with me, you planned the same thing to Zoey on All-Stars. Clearly you must agree with me.

**Courtney**:

I didn’t say that I didn’t. I resent that you used me as a scapegoat in your plan to blindside Zoey and made me become a sitting duck.

**Heather** (*rolling her eyes*):

It’s so annoying to see you defeated so early. It takes the fun out of this. Stop acting like you were eliminated, get your head back in the game, and leap into action. You are still here.

**Courtney**:

But not for long. You set me up for impending doom and all I can do now is wait for the inevitable. Why bother?

**Shawn** (*annoyed*):

So what are you going to do, then? Quit?

**Anne Maria**:

Better than sittin’ here throwing a pity party for herself over somethin’ that didn’t happen.

**Shawn**:

You’re just going to sit here and moan and groan because your plans to betray everyone were exposed and we’re supposed to feel sorry for you? You should be grateful that another vote didn’t swing your way and take you out. It would be better than listening to this.

**Heather**:

And that exact topic is something we shall be discussing later, Shawn.

**Shawn**:

Whatever. Looking forward to it.

**Heather** (*overly fake cheeriness*):

Glad to hear it!

**Courtney**:

Of course I’m not quitting! That’s the coward's way out!

**Shawn**:

Then stop whining about something that didn’t even happen nor wasn’t going to happen, put yourself back together, and move on! Get over it!

**Courtney**:

It’s easy for you to tell me to move on when it didn’t happen to you!

**Topher**:

And it didn’t happen to you, either. Moving on! My cheekbones are gorgeous today!

**Alejandro**:

They always are, mi amor.

**Topher** (*blushing*):

You’re right. I always look gorgeous.

**Alejandro**:

Forever and always.

*The camera cuts to another round of confessional blocks*

**Shawn**:

I need to play this as strategically as possible. If I can get Courtney alone and try to talk her through her self-destructive planning before Heather can pressure her into quitting, I would be able to actually gain Courtney as an ally to vote with me… and Dave.

**Heather**:

Everything has fallen according to plan. In organizing the red headed buffoon’s elimination after making her feel secure in Courtney’s demise, it has completely shattered Courtney’s ego, leaving her wide open for infiltration and manipulation. The only possible hitch in my plans is Shawn. I suspect that he has, no doubt, been trying to uncover and unravel my hard work. I must reach Courtney alone before he does so I can sway her over to my side. If he manages nabbing her, the little plague rat runs the risk of lingering longer than he must. With Dave on his side, and the possible addition of Courtney, they could swing Scott back to their side, and completely upend my entire game. Finally, a worthy challenger.

**Anne Maria:**

I’m over all the whinin’ and cryin’. If she wants to moan ‘n’ groan, she can do it from home. Less steps in my way to the two million. Just think’a all the hair and nail appointments and disco fries I could get with all that dough! I’ma be set for life!

**Topher** (*brushing his hair*):

I love how much Alejandro loves me. He always tells me just how pretty I am and how hot I am, and he’s like, totally right. This could really work!

**Alejandro**:

Alright, this plan is not going to work. Topher is devoted to serving under me, but it’s incredibly strenuous having to always come up with some compliment and stomach his revolting, annoying presence. He is driving me crazy. I need to get rid of him before I snap. I must assess my stepping stones to the ending. Topher is too irritating to drag along that far. Shawn’s end will be coming soon enough, and his pet will soon follow. Sadie is a nonfactor. From my remaining options, I must plant the seeds that will swing Tyler my way, and he will bring that bumbling airhead he married. Amy is far too impulsive and irrational to make it to the end game herself, so it stands to reason that she is unfit to be my faithful servant. Samey might be the greatest option here. She’s desperate for someone to hear and listen to her, so she will be wide open for infiltration and manipulation. She is my in. I must manage to find a way to get her to the merge and pair with me, then we dominate. When I use her to not only win the grand prize and finally crush mi amor, Heather’s spirit, I shall not feel any remorse.

**Samey**:

Surely Sadie didn’t want to actually throw the challenge, right? That’s just such a bad idea.

*The camera cuts to static and then back to the two teams finishing up breakfast. Amy, Dave, Scott, and Shawn clean up the mess on the tables and remove and fold the tablecloths as Alejandro, Eva, Samey, and Tyler play a spirited game of volleyball. Anne Maria, Heather, Lindsay, Sadie, and Topher lay out in lawn chairs, trying to tan. Courtney is nowhere to be seen. The camera pans back to the four at the tables, cleaning.*

**Amy**:

I wish Rodney were still here.

**Dave**:

Why? I doubt he was that good at cleaning.

**Amy** (*disgusted with cleaning the food residue*):

No, but with him around, we didn’t have half as many of these crumbs left over.

**Shawn** (*pointing at Scott*):

With the way he and his cousin over here shovel it in, I’m surprised there isn’t a constant trail of breadcrumbs that could lead you to him.

**Scott** (*eating a piece of spread, spitting crumbs at Shawn*):

Hey!

**Dave**:

His point exactly.

**Amy**:

He was like a vacuum cleaner when it came to food messes. He’d come in handy right now.

**Scott** (*talking with his mouth full*):

Nmphm blrdrp mnphbd brlpmd mphm, mph

**Amy** (*staring at him, confused*):

Could you translate that into English, please?

**Scott** (*swallowing his food*):

Well you still have me, Amy!

**Amy**:

You’re really going to eat all this slop? After all you ate last night?

**Scott** (*already gnawing on another piece of bread, spitting crumbs on Dave*):

Sure am!

**Dave** (*heavily breathing, having a panic attack*):

Hey! All those… germy crumbs… ALL OVER ME! Get off! Get off! Get off! Get-

**Shawn** (*covering Dave’s mouth with his hand*):

Look at me, Dave. When I let go, I just want you to breathe deep breaths. No words, no screaming. Just breathing in and out. Okay?

*Dave nods, his eyes wide in panic as his body shakes. Shawn removes his hand from Dave’s mouth, who promptly pulls a brown paper bag out of his pocket, breathing into it. Amy and Scott stifle their laughter, snickering a bit.*

**Scott**:

All that just over some food crumbs?

**Shawn** (*in all seriousness*):

Lay off of him.

**Amy**:

God, Shawn. Don’t get your-

**Chris** (*his voice coming over the loudspeaker*):

Attention! All remaining contestants report to the mess hall immediately!

**Eva**:

The mess hall? What for?

**Scott** (*excited*):

More food, I hope!

**Amy**:

How can you possibly still be hungry?

**Dave** (*inquisitive*):

Wait, this island has a mess hall?

*The thirteen present contestants report to the mess hall. A large grey building that seems to have just appeared recently.*

### Act Two - The Challenge

**Setting: Pahkitew Island, the new mess hall, noon**

*Inside the mess hall was a large room full of cafeteria tables with rounded individual seats. Beyond this room is a view into two large kitchens, one painted blue, the other one painted purple. A sea of groans from the crowd of contestants as they realize that they will be cooking for this challenge without even being told. They all look angry. They walk over and sit on the seats around the middle of the cafeteria, where Chris, Blaineley, and Chef were standing in the middle of the room.*

**Chris**:

Welcome, chefs!

**Blaineley**:

I think they already gathered that, Chris.

**Chris**:

I was just thinking that plotting and executing my plans to get back ownership of my show from Blaineley, I worked up quite the appetite.

**Heather** (*annoyed*):

You are just pure evil.

**Chris**:

Why, thank you! It means a lot to me, hearing those words!

**Chef**:

Listen up, maggots, today you’ll be cooking and preparing a three course meal for the judges to enjoy. It’s about damn time I get something around here.

**Anne Maria** (*irritated*):

Lemme get this straight. We have’ta eat berries an’ bread while we slave away here, and now we have’ta make y’all some fancy dinner? Uh-uh. Not happening. No way.

**Dave**:

She actually has a great point.

**Blaineley**:

Which brings us to a small announcement. I have decided to give Chef a little raise to officially open up the mess hall for breakfast for the duration of your say here.

**Amy**:

You mean no more foraging for these ungrateful slugs?

**Blaineley**:

That is correct!

**Chef**:

You mean to tell me that now I have to make food for these ingrates?

**Blaineley**:

If you want that raise you will.

**Chef** (*reluctantly*):

…Alright, you got a deal. These miserable piles of excrement will get slop served to them every morning. For the raise.

**Eva** (*sarcastic*):

Well, gee. Don’t we feel special?

**Lindsay** (*actually excited*):

I know, right! Chef is gonna cook! Just for us!

**Tyler** (*in the same boat with Lindsay*):

I know, babe! Total score!

**Eva**:

Oh god…

**Chris**:

Wait, something is missing here… but what?

**Blaineley** (*counting the contestants*):

Ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen… one is missing. What are you all trying to pull? Who is missing and why? Speak up!

**Anne Maria**:

Princess Uptight is missin’.

**Heather**:

She probably quit after being so embarrassed last night.

**Chris**:

Courtney? Quitting? That’s unlike her. Something is wrong.

**Topher** (*uncaring*):

Anyways, moving on.

**Chris**:

We can’t just lose one of the big billing drama creators. She brings the ratings! Chef, do whatever it takes to go hunt her down!

**Courtney** (*opening the door and entering, she’s clearly more confident than earlier*):

No need. I’m right here.

**Blaineley** (*reprimanding her*):

And just where have you been? You’re late!

**Courtney**:

Sorry, Beastly, something needed to be taken care of first.

*The camera rewinds to earlier. Courtney is alone in the forest, headphones in her ears as she listens to a self-help tape on her phone.*

**Voice on Tape:**

Repeat after me: I am strong. I am resilient.

**Courtney**:

I am strong. I am resilient.

**Voice on Tape:**

I strive to be the best me that I can be.

**Courtney**:

I strive to be the best me that I can be.

**Voice on Tape:**

I do not care what other people think or say about me.

**Courtney**:

Skipping ahead!

**Voice on Tape:**

I am assured in my victories.

**Courtney**:

I am assured in my victories.

**Voice on Tape:**

And I will bounce back from my losses.

**Courtney**:

And I will bounce back from my losses! I will bounce back from all my losses!

*The camera fast forwards back to the present. Courtney has rejoined her team. Anne Maria and Topher are visibly upset with her return.*

**Chef**:

Now, as we were saying, you maggots are going to make a three course dinner for us. Course one is the appetizer. Course two is the main dish with sides. Round three is desert. Got that? Go get cracking!

**Chris**:

Ah ah ah! Wait, Chef! You’re forgetting something!

**Chef**:

I am?

**Blaineley**:

He is?

**Chris**:

Yes, he is! I’ve decided to bring in a special guest to help us judge our two dinners!

**Courtney** (*rolling her eyes*):

It’s probably just Owen.

**Amy**:

Who’s Owen?

**Lindsay**:

He’s like a big, soft, lovable teddy bear!

**Dave**:

Amy, did you ever actually watch the show?

**Amy** (*pointing to Samey*):

No, I only auditioned because that creature did and I only watched the episodes I was in.

**Heather**:

As self-serving and narcissistic as that is, I’ll explain Owen to you. He’s an enormous glutton that does nothing but eat, fart, and be persistently nice. You’d hate him.

**Chris**:

Allow me to introduce you to…

*The door flings open again. A large shadowy figure steps in slowly, almost as if putting on a show coming into the light. Pink high heels are seen on bare pale legs, as a full-figured body wearing a light pink mini dress reaching just above the knees. Amy, Dave, Samey, and Shawn already recognize this person as disgust forms on all of their faces. Topher is not caring, taking pictures of himself on his phone. The meticulously sculpted and shaped blonde hair is moved from out of this person’s face to reveal the guest as SUGAR.*

**Sugar**:

It’s me! Sugar! How was the walk? Great, right? Nailed it!

**Dave**:

Oh no.

**Amy**:

May god have mercy on our souls.

**Sugar**:

So what was I brought in here to do? Compete a’ginst these losers? I can take ‘em!

**Anne Maria:**

The only thing you need to take is a shower!

**Sugar**:

You’s gonna be eatin’ them words, little girl!

**Chris**:

Woah, woah! Hold it! As much as another catfight would be a good ratings grab, Sugar is here as a judge! Not to compete along with you!

**Sugar**:

Rats! I could’a mopped the floor with ‘em all like an old rag doll in the suds!

**Chris**:

Sugar, they will be making us a three course meal consisting of an appetizer, the main course, and dessert. We get to kick back, relax, and enjoy. Then we grade them.

**Sugar**:

Appetizers? I love appetizers! Bring on the pretzel sticks!

**Chef**:

Your kitchens are marked with your team colors. Each course has their own station in their kitchens to get prepared for what they choose to present as their dish.

**Blaineley**:

Now, it’s time to decide who will be preparing what course of the meals!

**Amy**:

I can make a killer glazed gammon.

**Anne Maria:**

And I’d bet it would kill with food poisoning, too.

**Amy** (*a look a la Wednesday Addams*):

Would you care to find out?

**Chris**:

Oh, no. It would be too easy to let you all pair off and go at it. This is TV, people. It can’t be that easy! We will be picking for you!

**Courtney** (*rolling her eyes*):

Of course.

**Chris**:

We will be picking names out of hats to determine your pairings.

**Blaineley**:

Up first for the appetizer course it is… Lindsay and… Eva versus… Courtney and… Shawn!

**Shawn**:

Oh hallelujah.

**Dave** (*upset*):

You sound relieved to not be working with me…

**Shawn**:

Dave, you know that’s not true. Plus we’re all working as a team.

**Dave**:

I guess that’s true…

*It quickly cuts to Heather in the confessional*

**Heather**:

Drat! This means that Shawn will have access to Courtney before me, meaning that he can rope her over to his side. However, this is just a small matter for me, as I can work on cracking her, and I will succeed time and time again.

*It then cuts back to the mess hall.*

**Blaineley**:

For the main course… Sadie and… Tyler versus… Heather… Scott… and Dave!

**Tyler**:

Let’s do this!

**Blaineley**:

And that leaves Amy and Samey versus Alejandro, Anne Maria, and Topher left for dessert.

*Nobody in this group looks happy except for Anne Maria and Topher. A short confessional block as Alejandro quickly appears in the confessional giving himself a facepalm, annoyed. It then cuts to Amy, frustrated about the pairs of the challenge, specifically hers.*

**Amy**:

Paired with that insufferable cretin I’m cursed to look alike yet again. Chris is not nearly as slick as he likes to think. These pairs are all for obvious drama. He might be in luck, because the minute my clone steps out of line, the judges are getting served Samey en Flambe.

**Samey**:

Maybe I can use this challenge to sit down with Amy and actually talk about what has been happening instead of letting it be manipulated from all the sides around us. Although I’m worried about if she’d have knives.

**Sadie**:

Tyler’s done a few celebrity cooking shows with Leshawna. He might stop me from throwing this challenge and eliminating Amy!

*The camera cuts back to Chris and Blaineley explaining the challenge.*

**Chris**:

Now that your pairings have been decided, it’s time to draw a name from each team to decide who will act as the head chef and make all the decisions on food and table decor.

**Amy**:

Wouldn’t it just be easier to decide amongst ourselves?

**Blaineley**:

Precisely. That’s why we draw them.

**Heather**:

You just love making everything more complicated, don’t you?

**Chris**:

You’ve got that right!

**Chef**:

Listen up, maggots!

**Blaineley**:

For the Raccoons, the leader is… Sadie!

**Sadie**:

Yes! It’s about time!

**Amy**:

Oh god, no.

**Lindsay** (*cheery*):

Ooh! Yay!

**Amy**:

Don’t mess this up for us.

**Sadie**:

I wouldn’t dream of it.

**Chef**:

Pipe down, driveling pukes!

**Blaineley**:

And for the Vipers, the leader is… Anne Maria!

**Anne Maria:**

As it should be!

**Courtney**:

Oh, we’re boned already.

**Alejandro**:

Have some faith, Courtney.

**Amy**:

Yeah, it looks like she knows her way around the kitchen. Or at least the refrigerator.

**Anne Maria:**

My palette is as classy and sophisticated as I am, twiggy!

*As if her body was telling on her, Anne Maria then burps, getting disgusted reaction from everyone but Sugar. The camera then cuts to a split screen of the teams gathering materials they need for their dinners. It then pans to Sadie as she leads the Raccoons.*

**Sadie**:

Alright, listen up, guys! This is how we’re going to do it! Eva and Lindsay! For the appetizer, I think we should do pretzel sticks.

**Lindsay**:

That’s, like, such a great idea, Stacey!

**Eva**:

It does give us a point of advantage because we already know that Sugar likes them.

**Amy**:

Yeah, but Shawn is also making the appetizers, and he literally runs a bakery. There’s a great chance that he also took note of Sugar’s… fondness for pretzels, and is making them from memory. We should probably come up with a better plan.

**Sadie** (*dismissive*):

You need to learn your place. I am the team leader now, and you’re not even a part of this discussion. You are in desserts. Not appetizers.

**Amy**:

And you are about to be-

**Samey**:

Come on, guys! We need to work together so we can win this!

**Sadie**:

We’d get along better if some people knew where they belonged.

**Eva**:

Sadie, Amy is right. Shawn is going to outperform us if we do baked food.

**Lindsay**:

Ooh, I love baked food! Let’s do brownies!

**Eva**:

Brownies are a dessert, Lindsay.

**Lindsay** (*confused*):

So what? Let’s make brownies!

**Tyler**:

You’re making appetizers, babe.

**Lindsay**:

Brownies make me appetizered…

**Tyler**:

They mean something like those potato boats or the mushrooms you like.

**Lindsay**:

Oh! Now I get it! Let’s do potato boats!

**Eva**:

That’s… actually a good idea. It can’t be that hard. I’m all for it.

**Sadie**:

Alright, potato boats for our appetizers! Sounds great! For the main course, Tyler, do you have any suggestions? I want all of our voices heard.

**Tyler**:

How about chicken noodle soup? It always makes me feel better when my voice can’t be heard. Maybe we should do that?

**Samey**:

I don’t think that’s what she meant, Tyler.

**Tyler**:

Oh, well. Now I’m hungry for soup. We should make some, babe!

**Lindsay**:

Ooh! Ooh! Yes! I wonder if we can make it how our chef does?

**Tyler**:

I believe in you, babe!

**Amy**:

Can we come back to planet Earth, please?

**Sadie**:

How about we make a nice pot roast?

**Tyler**:

Fine by me, dude.

**Eva**:

That might be great for us because you could use the potatoes we don’t use.

**Lindsay**:

So there’s, like, less waste and nature doesn’t weep!

**Tyler**:

You’re such a genius, babe!

**Lindsay**:

I know, right?

**Sadie**:

And Tyler can cut the carrots, celery, and potatoes down while I work on the roast!

**Samey**:

Well, that just leaves me and Amy, then.

**Amy**:

And, dare I ask, what are we making here, master?

**Sadie**:

You two will be making pineapple upside down cake.

**Amy** (*defiantly*):

Um, no. I will not be touching anything pineapple related.

**Sadie** (*as intimidatingly as she can*):

You’re going to do what I say.

**Amy** (*her face now inches away from Sadie*):

I’m not touching any damn pineapples.

**Sadie**:

You don’t have a choice.

**Amy** (*angry*):

I’m not touching them. I’m allergic.

**Sadie** (*dismissive*):

That’s your lamest excuse yet. Nobody is allergic to pineapples!

**Amy** (*pointing a finger in her face*):

I am telling you I am, you big brainless bi-

**Samey** (*in Amy’s defense*):

Uh, Sadie. She really is allergic to pineapples. She’s allergic to all bromeliads.

**Tyler** (*confused*):

She’s allergic to the bromies?

**Amy**:

There’s your verification. I’m not touching any damn pineapple.

**Sadie** (*snarky and dismissive*):

Then wear some gloves.

**Amy** (*drawing back her first*):

How about I make you wear a hospital gown?

**Samey**:

Hey, Amy! wait!

*Before Amy and Sadie can engage in a fight, Eva, Samey, and Tyler pull them apart. Walking with her back to their station, Samey gives Amy an awkward, uncomfortable smile which is met with an icy glare from her twin as the Raccoons begin gathering up the foods and materials they need to make their dishes and the camera pans over to the Viper’s identical kitchen as Anne Maria makes her demands of food to be made.*

**Anne Maria**:

I’m the boss, so what I say goes. Got it?

**Courtney**:

Don’t push it.

**Anne Maria:**

You’re going to do whatever I say and whatever I want or else you’re getting kicked right out the door ‘n’  you can whine ‘n’ cry s’more, then get booted right out. Got it?

**Dave**:

All of us fighting isn’t going to get us the win. We have to work together!

**Anne Maria:**

We are working together. I give the commands, you follow them.

**Shawn** (*annoyed*):

Let’s just get to work.

*Shawn walks over to the refrigerator, and after looking around for a bit, he pulls out a few bags of thawed bread dough.*

**Anne Maria:**

What do you think you’re doing?

**Shawn** (*trying to spell it out for her*):

Score! I’m making the pretzel sticks Sugar, a judge, specifically said that she wanted.

**Dave**:

That’s a smart idea, Shawn.

**Anne Maria:**

No.

**Shawn**:

What do you mean “no?”

**Anne Maria:**

No. You’re not makin’ some loser cabbage like pretzel sticks. You’re makin’ disco fries.

**Shawn**:

I know what I’m doing. I own a bakery. I know my way around dough.

**Anne Maria** (*intensely*):

I said no! You’re makin’ my disco fries! That’s that!

**Shawn** (*getting frustrated*):

The challenge isn’t feeding you! We’re feeding four judges! One specifically said that she wants pretzel sticks! I’m making the pretzel sticks!

**Anne Maria:**

I’m the leader! You are going to do what I say! I said disco fries!

**Shawn** (*giving in*):

Fine. I’ll make you goddamn disco fries.

**Anne Maria:**

Good! Stay in line!

*Rolling his eyes, Shawn gave an irritated look to Courtney, who gave him a slight nod. She made a motion, bending down and grabbing a bag of potatoes and moved closer to Shawn, as he quietly pushed the bags of dough behind his back secretly as Anne Maria continued.*

**Shawn** (*feigning obedience*):

Yes, chef!

**Anne Maria:**

That’s what I like to hear. Now, main course! I’ve got such a cravin’ for some tomato pie.

**Scott**:

Tomato pie? A pie made from tomatoes?

**Anne Maria:**

Don’t be dumb. It’s what you shoobies call pizza. We just do ‘em right down in Jersey.

**Heather**:

You want us to make pizza? You cannot be serious.

**Dave**:

I think they’re looking for something more… extravagant. Not pizza.

**Anne Maria:**

Well, that’s too bad. They put me in charge, and I say make me some tomato pie.

**Dave** (*annoyed, rolling his eyes*):

Whatever. I’m not fighting with you.

**Shawn**:

Dave, there’s thawed pizza dough in the fridge. I’ll show you how to work it in a minute.

**Dave**:

We’re lucky to have an expert like you.

**Scott**:

And it wouldn’t take much time? I’d love to lie down.

**Shawn**:

It shouldn’t be too long.

**Anne Maria:**

Go heavy on the mutz. Everyone loves heavy, fresh mutz down in Jersey. It’s the right way to make it. Got it? Heavy mutz!

**Scott**:

Mutz? What is that?

**Anne Maria:**

That mutzarella cheese, duh.

**Heather**:

Anne Maria, is there oxygen on your planet? It’s mozzarella.

**Anne Maria** (*furious*):

How dare you try to correct me, the team leader?

**Courtney**:

You’re the head chef for one challenge! Shut up!

**Anne Maria**:

Come at me, then! I’ll take ya’ all on ‘n’ I’d win, too! So just be good little workers and follow my commands! I’m the way to victory!

**Alejandro** (*irritated*):

Just get on with it! What are we making?

**Anne Maria** (*correcting him, wrongly*):

You and Tophy are gonna be making the best dessert in the world. Cherries jubilee!

**Topher** (*confused*):

What’s that?

**Alejandro** (*kindly explaining to him*):

It’s essentially ice cream with a sauce made of cherries and mixed spirits on top that you ignite as a flambe at the table, babe.

**Topher** (*probably more confused than before*):

Spirits? Like, ghosts? You light ghosts on fire? How do you catch one?

**Alejandro**:

No, Topher. They’re alcoholic drinks that are mixed together for certain flavors.

**Topher** *(still lost)*:

You mean like wine and sherry?

**Alejandro** (*with an annoyed heavy sigh*):

Yeah, babe. Something like that.

**Topher** (*his face brightening, and then puzzled again*):

One more question.

**Alejandro** (*a bit reluctant*):

Yeah, what is it?

**Topher**:

What’s ice cream?

**Alejandro** (*irritated*):

You cannot be serious, Topher?

**Topher** (*confused*):

What? Is it, like, some common thing?

**Alejandro**:

You’ve actually never had ice cream?

**Topher** (*blushing, becoming embarrassed*):

W-was I supposed to?

**Alejandro** (*trying to charm him*):

You’re quite adorable when you’re flustered.

**Topher** (*blushing even more*):

O-oh, yeah? I know. T-thanks!

**Alejandro**:

Do you seriously not know what ice cream is?

**Topher** (*still embarrassed*):

No. I don’t normally eat dessert. I don’t want to get fat.

**Alejandro**:

Babe, you do exercise every day. A little dessert every so often won’t hurt you.

**Topher**:

Well, I don’t want to risk it.

**Alejandro**:

Well, anyway. Ice cream is made from milk and sugar and whatever flavoring you want. Mix it together, and then freeze it. Then you have ice cream.

**Topher**:

That sounds, like, so good. But I can’t have that.

**Alejandro**:

Why not?

**Topher**:

I’m lactaid incontinent. I can’t have it.

**Alejandro**:

Do you mean… never mind.

**Heather**:

Wait, did she say Alejandro and Topher are making that?

**Anne Maria:**

I did, yeah. Why? Problem?

**Dave**:

Yeah. You’re part of their group. You have to make it with them, too.

**Anne Maria:**

No. I was picked for that, then team leader. I watch all of y’all. I don’t make nothin’.

**Courtney**:

That’s not how this works.

**Anne Maria:**

That’s what they said. I’m the leader.

**Shawn**:

But you still have to do some work.

**Anne Maria:**

Keepin’ yinz in line is work. Hard work.

**Alejandro**:

Whatever. I don’t want to deal with this.

*The camera then splits into three. On the top of the screen, Chris, Blaineley, Sugar, and Chef sit at a cafeteria table. On the bottom left, the Raccoons. The Vipers on the bottom right.*

**Chris**:

All right, chefs! The dishes have been locked in! You have three hours! Get to cooking!

**Blaineley**:

Your time begins…

**Sugar**:

Now!

*The screen cuts to Courtney and Shawn in their section of the Viper’s kitchen. The two engaging in small talk, largely about their disdain for Anne Maria.*

**Shawn**:

I can’t believe she got picked.

**Courtney**:

And she’s getting away with doing nothing again.

**Shawn**:

If she thinks we’re making her freaking disco fries, she’s gonna be in for a shock when we present our pretzels.

**Courtney**:

This was a smart idea that you had to cut the potatoes into fries and fry them so she won’t smell the dough. What even are disco fries?

**Shawn**:

They’re just fries coated in melted cheese and brown gravy.

**Courtney**:

That’s just poutine, isn’t it?

**Shawn**:

Yeah, but everyone always wants to believe that they invented something.

**Courtney**:

So, listen… about voting me out, I’ve decided to not be upset about it.

**Shawn**:

That’s a very mature rationality. I wanted to talk to you about that anyway. Thankfully I got to you first before Heather managed to pressure you into quitting.

**Courtney**:

Well, I’m not quitting, so you can just-

**Shawn**:

I don’t want you to quit. I want the two of us to be allies.

**Courtney**:

Well voting me out is a funny way to show it.

**Shawn**:

I knew you weren’t going anyway. I’m going to get chewed out by Heather sooner than I think about not helping her vote out Zoey.

**Courtney**:

This really isn’t a great pitch.

**Shawn**:

Let me finish. I voted for you knowing that you weren’t going anywhere.

**Courtney**:

So, what? You did it to make a point?

**Shawn**:

Exactly. To show you that if you planned on betraying me, I can just as easily shut you down. Also, I wanted to see if you were capable of growth and change.

**Courtney**:

…Point gotten, but it was awfully cruel, wasn’t it?

**Shawn**:

I had no hand in Heather’s torment of you. That’s why I’m proposing this alliance. You’re on the outs with everybody here now, and Heather is definitely planning on flinging me out just as quickly as she did Zoey. We need to work together or we’re both going down.

**Courtney**:

You make a lot of sense, but how do I know if I can trust you?

**Shawn**:

Because I just told you why I voted for you without asking why you planned on backstabbing me. You know we need each other.

**Courtney**:

Alright. You’ve got a deal. We’re allies now. I mean it this time.

**Shawn**:

I can feel that you’re being truthful now. Quick, throw the fries in the deep fryer. I’m almost done shaping the dough to cook it.

**Courtney**:

Got it.

*The camera cuts to Eva and Lindsay working with potatoes in their station of the Raccoon’s kitchen. Eva is pulling a tray out of the oven filled with potatoes wrapped in foil. Lindsay immediately grabs one. It burns her hand, and she drops it back on the tray.*

**Lindsay** (*whining*):

Ow! That, like, really hurt!

**Eva**:

You need to be careful. They’re hot out of the oven. You need to let them cool.

**Lindsay**:

Okay, but, like, ow!

*The camera cuts to Dave, Heather, and Scott making pizza sauce and toppings as Shawn rolls and prepares the dough for them. He and Dave look at each other lovingly.*

**Dave** (*dreamily*):

We’re so lucky to have a master baker on our team to help us.

**Shawn**:

It’s not like I’m making this from scratch, Dave.

**Heather**:

It came from the fridge, let’s not give him all the praise in the world.

**Dave**:

Yeah, but he’s still making it for us.

**Shawn**:

Well, I’m just rolling it and preparing it. I’m going to let you guys season it. I’ve got to go help Courtney finish with our pre- disco fries.

**Scott**:

Season it?

**Shawn**:

With garlic and butter. That kind of seasoning.

**Scott**:

Where would we find that at?

**Heather** (*sarcastic*):

Why don’t you go find a cow and milk it, then make it from scratch?

**Scott** (*serious*):

Do you think there’s one on the island?

**Dave**:

Oh god.

*Dave begins cutting mozzarella cheese from the cheese wheel as Heather slices the pepperoni. Shawn leaves their station to return to his. Scott, after getting directions from Dave, goes to a pantry to look for garlic powder. He grabs it, then walks to the refrigerator to get butter. As he walks back to his station, he trips over his shoes. As he fell, he dropped the butter and garlic powder. The stick of butter lands on the table, but the bottle of garlic powder landed beneath him right as he landed, causing it to open and launch into the air in a cloud.*

**Dave** (*heavily sneezing*):

Great… now we’re… behind!

**Heather**:

Scott, go get another bottle out of the pantry.

**Scott**:

Aye aye, captain.

**Anne Maria:**

Hey! I’m the cap’in here!

**Dave** (*still sneezing*):

Just… go get it!

*Scott picked up the now empty bottle of garlic powder and quickly went back to the pantry and began throwing cans and bottles out of his way looking for more garlic powder. He then realized that he had destroyed the only bottle.*

**Scott**:

Uh… guys?

**Dave**:

Just get it!

**Scott** (*reluctant*):

Uh… right.

*Looking further into the pantry, Scott opened the empty bottle, then looked around to ensure that nobody was looking. Reaching his hand into his right pocket, he pulls out light brown sand from the beach. He planned on eating this later, but he has to do something now. Filling the bottle with sand from his pockets, he screwed the lid back on and then nonchalantly walked back to his station without a word. Dave picked up the bottle, looking at it curiously.*

**Dave** (*bewildered*):

This is garlic powder?

**Scott** (*nonchalant*):

Uh, yeah. That’s what the label says. It was the last bottle. Must’ve been in there a while.

**Heather**:

Whatever. We don’t have time to discuss it. Scott, melt the butter in a bowl in the microwave and mix the garlic powder in so we can brush it onto the crust.

*Scott gives her a salute as the camera cut to Sadie and Tyler making their pot roast. Sadie has just finished cooking the roast, dumping it in and the juices into a crockpot. Tyler was cutting the celery and carrots as Eva and Lindsay give them the insides of the baked potatoes that they had left over. Sadie the appears in the confessional.*

**Sadie**:

As much as I’d love to throw this challenge and finally get Amy eliminated, this is my chance to one up her and show her that I’m a better team leader than she could ever dream to be.

*It cuts back to the two in their station.*

**Tyler**:

Just about done here, Sadie.

**Sadie**:

Perfect. I’ll start cutting the potatoes down a bit. When we’re done, we can throw it all in the crockpot, stir it all up, and then let it all cook together in the juices. Then we are done!

**Tyler**:

Score, dude!

*The two high five and the camera then pans to Amy and Samey cutting pineapples. Amy wearing latex gloves on her hands, however she has rashes on her arms due to allergic reactions to the pineapple juice splashing her.*

**Samey**:

Amy, I really think you should just let me do this and you make the cake.

**Amy**:

I’m fine. Mind your business and don’t talk to me.

*Sadie, as head chef, makes her rounds to check on the dishes. When she gets to the dessert station, Amy holds out her red, swollen arms.*

**Sadie**:

What are you doing?

**Amy** (*angry*):

And just what do you suggest I do about this?

**Sadie**:

Power through it.

**Amy**:

I’m going to power through you in a minute.

**Sadie**:

You’re almost done. Just suck it up and finish.

*As Sadie walks away, Amy begins to scratch at her arms. Samey notices and pushes her over to the sink. She then turns the water on and removes the gloves from Amy’s hands.*

**Amy**:

What do you think you’re doing? Don’t touch me!

**Samey**:

I’m treating your allergic reaction.

**Amy**:

And how do I know that you’re not trying to make it worse?

**Samey**:

Because I want a relationship with you!

**Amy**:

I’m supposed to believe that while you vote me out?

**Samey**:

I only voted for you once! I tried to talk to you before then, but you wouldn’t listen to me and we reverted back to our old patterns!

**Amy**:

Because there is nothing to talk about. You’re a liar and want me gone.

**Samey** (*teary*):

I don’t want you gone, Sadie does! That’s what I tried to tell you! I didn’t vote for you until after you started ignoring me. You’re my sister! I love you!

**Amy** (*starting to get teary as well)*:

I love you too!

*The twins then embraced each other in a tight hug. Amy then relents and lets Samey treat her rashes. Samey thoroughly scrubs her arms in cold water, and once Amy has dried them, Samey gets a ziplock bag filled with ice and applies it to her arms.*

**Samey**:

Just sit down and hold this. It will soothe your rash and make it fade faster.

**Amy**:

Where did you learn all of this?

**Samey**:

Being friends with Jasmine and Shawn has its benefits.

*Samey finishes cutting the pineapples and begins to mix the ingredients to start the cake. The camera then cuts to Alejandro and Topher in the Viper’s kitchen, finishing up the cherries jubilee. Alejandro places a layer of ice cream on a tray as Topher stirs the sauce in a bowl.*

**Alejandro**:

Alright, babe. The ice cream is ready. Pour the sauce on top and we’re done.

**Topher**:

Are you sure I can do it right?

**Alejandro**:

As sure as I am that you’re beautiful.

**Topher** (*confident*):

You really believe in me!

**Alejandro** (*a hesitant pause*):

…Yes, I do.

*Topher picks up the bowl and walked over to Alejandro and the tray. He then dumped it into the bowl. His lack of control in the kitchen caused him to drop the bowl onto the tray. The sauce covered both of them while giving the actual dish a thin coating.*

**Blaineley**:

Time is up!

**Chris**:

Put the finishing touches on your dishes and get ready to present them!

**Alejandro**:

I hope this is going to be enough to ignite it.

**Topher**:

We can do it!

**Anne Maria:**

Just what in hell happened here?

**Topher**:

I might have dropped the bowl… just a little.

**Anne Maria:**

Go stall ‘n’ I will fix this!

**Alejandro**:

You know how to make more sauce?

**Anne Maria:**

Hey, it’s a Jersey thing. Trust me.

The two teams went out to present their dishes as Anne Maria walked out the back door of the kitchen. Serving trays covered to not reveal what the either team made. Alejandro and Topher walk out empty handed.

**Sugar**:

You two. Where’s the food?

**Alejandro**:

Anne Maria is just putting the finishing touches on it. It won’t be long now.

**Amy**:

And you think that was a good idea?

**Topher**:

I have faith in her!

**Alejandro**:

We didn’t have much choice.

*Anne Maria snuck back into the kitchen with a canister of gasoline. Mixing it all in with the sauce, she hid the now empty canister under the sink. She then covered the dish and brought it out, handing it to Alejandro and Topher. Chef banged on a gong that came from nowhere.*

**Chris**:

It is time to reveal your dishes!

**Sugar**:

It’s about time! I’m hungry’r ‘n a cousin at a barbeque servin’ salad.

**Chris**:

Raccoons, as the victors coming into this challenge, you shall reveal your dishes first.

**Blaineley**:

Proceed.

**Lindsay**:

For our appetizers, we made potato boats! Fun, right!

**Blaineley**:

And what, pray tell, is a potato boat?

**Lindsay**:

Well, it’s a potato… in boat form.

**Eva**:

It’s hollowed out baked potato skin fried to become sturdy and stand on its own, and then filled with a mixture of pieces of potato, melted cheese, chives, and bacon pieces.

**Sugar**:

It ain’t no pretzel sticks, but it sounds loverly! I love bacon!

**Tyler**:

For your main course, Tyler and I made a pot roast. Wait, I’m Tyler. Sadie and I made a pot roast! It’s, like, a fancy soup, dudes!

**Sadie**:

We combined potatoes, celery, carrots, and spices with the roast to give it an incredible flavor.

**Samey**:

For dessert, Amy and I made-

**Blaineley**:

Don’t tell me. You’re sticking to a theme here. Potato candy?

**Amy**:

Not even close. I had to suffer through my allergies to make you horrid people pineapple upside down cake. I’m going to have to go to the infirmary soon for treatment, but at least the suffering will be worth it if we win.

**Chris**:

Way to throw your head chef under the bus before the judging has even started. Cold.

**Amy**:

I’m just stating the facts. She knew my allergies and made me suffer anyway.

**Blaineley**:

Noted. Moving on. Vipers! Present your dishes!

**Anne Maria:**

For your feasting pleasure, we’re givin’ you a taste a’ Jersey! For your appetizer we have d-

**Courtney and Shawn:**

We made pretzel sticks!

**Anne Maria:**

Excuse me? That is not what I told you to-

**Sugar** (*loudly*):

Oh! My! God! I just love pretzel sticks! Lemme at ‘em!

**Anne Maria:**

Pretzel sticks! My idea worked!

**Shawn**:

Your idea?

**Anne Maria:**

That is what I said, yes. It was my idea!

**Courtney**:

We’ll remember that, cretin.

**Anne Maria:**

Moving on! For the main course, yinz are gettin’ the heart of Jersey. Tomato pie! Then, for your dinin’ pleasure, y’all are gettin’ cherries jubilee for dessert!

**Blaineley**:

Easy to see who dominated your team, hm?

**Chris**:

Chefs, report back to your kitchens and once we are finished sampling your meals, we will score them. Then when we are finished, you will be called back out and the winning team will be revealed following some critique.

**Chef**:

Move it, slugs! Now! Now! Now!

*The two teams ran back to their kitchens as Chef served four portions of each team’s courses for himself and the other judges. As they began to eat, the camera cut to a confessional block.*

**Sadie**:

With her throwing me under the bus like that, I’ll be eliminated for sure if we lose!

**Samey**:

I think Amy and I are finally in a good place in our relationship! We are now both completely honest with each other. I think it’ll stick this time!

**Amy**:

If we lose, she’s going down, and she’s going down hard.

**Shawn**:

I feel like I definitely secured us points with going over Anne Maria’s head and doing the pretzel sticks that Sugar had asked for. I’ve got this in the bag.

**Alejandro**:

If we lose, I’m not sure who to vote for. Topher for annoying me and fumbling the dessert I worked so hard on at the last minute or Anne Maria for letting her role go to her head and offering us nothing but dead weight and yelling this challenge. Tough decision.

**Topher**:

I think my relationship with Alejandro has gotten even stronger today! It’s like he gained all new respect and adoration for me!

*The camera cuts to static and then back to the mess hall. The teams are back in the cafeteria, ready to be critiqued. Both teams look nervous.*

**Chris**:

For the appetizer round, this one was actually the most difficult. The potato boats were surprisingly very well constructed with a strong palette of flavor.

**Sugar**:

And the pretzel sticks were just incredible. Like heav’n

**Blaineley**:

With that being said, the winner of this round is… the Vicious Vipers!

**Dave**:

Great work, Shawn!

**Chris**:

Up next, the main courses. Both dishes had their flaws, let’s get into them.

**Blaineley**:

The pot roast… the roast itself was quite tender, but the vegetables used in it were undercooked and hard compared to the roast. It was clear that they were an afterthought.

**Sugar**:

I ain’t never heard’a puttin’ baked potat’a inta roast. Odd choice, but not terrible.

**Chris**:

Now the pizza… This was bizarre. The sauce, cheese, and pepperoni tasted great.

**Blaineley**:

But the crust… something was off. What was it made of?

**Dave**:

Just pizza dough, garlic powder, and butter. Nothing unordinary.

**Sugar**:

The mouth feel was crunchy n’ rough. Did y’all burn it?

**Heather**:

Not in the slightest.

**Scott**:

Well… actually, if we’re being truthful… We had a little accident and ran out of garlic powder. I had to improvise and swap it out for something else.

**Dave**:

Swap it out? You said it was garlic powder!

**Scott**:

Yeah, but I thought that it would be the same! I had to use sand…

**Blaineley** (*yelling*):

Sand? You fed us sand? Are you crazy?

**Chris**:

Well that’s an automatic point for the Ravenous Raccoons.

**Tyler**:

Sweet, dude!

**Blaineley**:

Now for the, thankfully, final dish. The dessert round.

**Chris**:

The pineapple upside down cake was clearly a source of friction and tension, but it might have all been worth it. It was quite simple, but the flavors went down easily.

**Blaineley**:

Especially after we had to eat some damn sand!

**Sugar**:

Vipers, your final dish could not be served for some reason, but I think it looks mighty tasty!

**Alejandro**:

Why couldn’t you serve it?

**Chris**:

You can’t have cherries jubilee without the jubilee, and you neglected to give us a lighter.

**Heather**:

There wasn’t one in the kitchen, but maybe Duncan left one when he was voted out. Someone should go check.

**Shawn**:

There’s no need, I have one.

*Shawn reached into his pocket and pulled out a small lighter. Heather immediately grabs it and goes to light the dessert.*

**Heather**:

Let’s just get this over with.

**Anne Maria:**

Oh no. I’m the team leader and I finished the dish. I will be lighting it!

*Anne Maria moved out of formation and grabbed the lighter out of Heather’s hand, then shoved her to the side. With a flick of the lighter, she moved to light the sauce. However, it had a reaction to the gasoline she did not expect. The sauce ignited in a blaze of fire that shot up and erupted, burning the ceiling as well as the entire desert. When the smoke cleared, Heather and Anne Maria were left standing there with no eyebrows, Anne Maria’s hair caught on fire. She began running around.*

**Heather** (*screaming*):

Ah! My eyebrows!

**Anne Maria** (*screaming*):

Put it out! Put it out! Put it out! As leader, I command it!

*Leaping into action, Shawn ran into the kitchen and came out with a fire extinguisher, spraying Anne Maria. Her hair had burned into a flat bob resting at her shoulders.*

**Blaineley**:

That settles it! The Ravenous Raccoons pull out another victory!

**Sadie**:

Woo-hoo!

**Samey**:

We did it!

**Amy**:

We really did!

**Tyler**:

This calls for a celebration!

**Chris**:

Vipers, we’ll be seeing you at the campfire ceremony to eliminate yet another member! Sugar, thank you for your time. It was a pleasure.

**Sugar**:

I wanna stay! I can win!

**Chris**:

Too bad!

### Act Three - The Campfire Ceremony

**Setting: Pahkitew Island, the campsite, nighttime**

*The Ravenous Raccoons once again sitting in the peanut gallery as the Vicious Vipers sat on the logs after casting their votes one by one. They all turned to glare at Anne Maria and Scott.*

**Anne Maria**:

Hey, don’t blame me! I didn’t put sand in the tomato pie!

**Shawn**:

No, but you did nothing but boss everyone around and sit on your fat duff.

**Courtney**:

And then poured gasoline over alcohol.

**Heather**:

And burnt my eyebrows off! Now I have to draw them on! I look like a freak!

**Topher**:

I could’ve drawn them on for you. That way they wouldn’t look ugly.

**Heather**:

Watch your mouth. If it weren’t for you being stupid and clueless, she wouldn’t have thought to get the gasoline in the first place!

**Blaineley**:

These are all great reasons for one of you to leave tonight, but the votes have been tallied.

*Chef, as always, slams a tray of marshmallows down on the podium before walking off to get the boat of losers ready. Chris looks disgusted with each of the Vipers.*

**Chris**:

Vipers, come on! You’re supposed to be our superior team! You all pretty much crumbled today except for one of you. Shawn! It should come as no surprise to you that your team has saved you tonight. The first marshmallow is yours. As for the rest of you, you know the rules. If you don’t get a marshmallow, you don’t pass go. You will not collect the two million dollars. The rest of the marshmallows go to…

Dave!

Heather!

Alejandro!

Courtney!

And Topher!

**Blaineley**:

That leaves Anne Maria and Scott as the last two. You each absolutely deserve to be leaving tonight. Anne Maria. You took charge and dominated your team, however, you took credit for the success of things you didn’t demand of them, didn’t do one lick of work, and then tried to serve us gasoline, but burnt hair and the ceiling instead. Did your team save you?

**Anne Maria:**

If they know what’s good for them, they did!

**Chris**:

Scott! You single-handedly ruined the dish that could have given your team the win in the second round. When you destroyed the ingredients, you opted to instead trick us into eating sand. You should consider yourself lucky I didn’t disqualify you on the spot.

**Scott**:

I was desperate!

**Blaineley**:

And look where it got you. You might be eliminated.

**Chris**:

In a vote of five to three…

**Amy**:

Oh no…

**Blaineley**:

The final marshmallow goes to…

**Amy**:

Please, please, please, please.

**Chris**:

Scott. Anne Maria, you’ve been eliminated.

**Courtney**:

Finally!

**Amy**:

Thank god!

**Anne Maria:**

Hm. No. I’m not going anywhere!

**Blaineley**:

That’s too bad. You’re going home.

**Anne Maria:**

Nope. I refuse! I’m not leaving! I’m winning this!

**Courtney**:

Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!

**Anne Maria:**

It won’t ‘cause I’m not leaving!

**Heather**:

Such a poor sport.

**Blaineley**:

But before Anne Maria leaves, let’s see how everyone voted!

*Pressing a button on the podium, the screen behind Blaineley and Chris flickers to life. Alejandro votes for Anne Maria. Anne Maria votes for Scott. Courtney gleefully votes for Anne Maria. Dave votes for Scott. Heather votes for Anne Maria then draws on her eyebrows. Scott votes for Anne Maria. Shawn votes for Anne Maria, even drawing a devil horn on both sides of her name. Topher votes for Scott. Five votes Anne Maria, three votes Scott. Anne Maria, still refusing to leave, is picked up by two interns. They carry her down to the dock of shame and throw her in the boat of losers. Courtney and Shawn are overjoyed that she has finally left. Topher is the only person to visit Anne Maria before she is driven away.*

**Anne Maria:**

This is so bogus!

**Topher**:

We need to get together after I win, okay?

**Anne Maria:**

Tophy baby, you’re comin’ over to Jersey to all my parties when this is all over.

**Topher**:

I’m looking forward to it!

**Anne Maria:**

Besides, I still gotta teach you to play beer pong.

**Topher**:

Right after I teach you to enjoy wine.

**Anne Maria:**

You’re on, sister.

**Topher**:

One more selfie for the road.

*Anne Maria and Topher take quite a few selfies together in various poses before the boat of losers starts to pull out. Chef rolls his eyes at the two of them.*

**Anne Maria:**

Win this for us.

**Topher**:

You better believe it!

**Anne Maria:**

Don’t forget to pack my stuff up! They wouldn’t let me!

**Topher**:

On it!

*The two friends wave goodbye to each other as the camera cuts back to Blaineley and Chris at the campsite.*

**Blaineley**:

There we have it, eleven down. Twelve more to go before we have our winner.

**Chris**:

At this point, the heard is thinning out. Any bets on who the winner will be, Blaineley?

**Blaineley**:

It’s still too early to tell, Chris, but I’d place money on either Heather or Shawn.

**Chris**:

Or Alejandro and Sadie.

Will any of our predictions come true?

Will Amy and Samey be able to keep their bond from now on?

How will Sadie handle the news of their re-reunion?

Will Courtney and Shawn be able to hold their alliance down?

**Blaineley**:

Will Heather be able to outplay Shawn?

**Chris**:

Find out the answers to these questions and more next time on

TOTAL!

DRAMA!

RESURRECTION!

***The screen fades to black.***

## Trivia

* In this episode, it is revealed that Shawn is self-conscious about his body odor and that Amy is allergic to pineapples. It is also revealed that Topher is lactose intolerant, he also has never eaten a dessert, and he has never heard of ice cream before.
* Four previously eliminated contestants are mentioned in this episode: Zoey, Rodney, Jasmine, and Duncan.
* It is revealed that the five star feast won by the Ravenous Raccoons in the previous episode was just a cookout made by Chef. Scott is also revealed to have eaten largely everything.
* Amy states that Scott's disgusting behavior repulsed her to Shawn, but Scott reveals in the confessional that she rubbed his bloated stomach and back so that he'd feel better. Amy also states in a confessional that her repulsion to him makes her more infatuated with him.
* It's also revealed that, because Blaineley is attracted to Tyler, she gave him the final Blaineley Bust.
* Tyler, Scott, Lindsay, Heather, and Anne Maria all serve as pain magnets to varying degrees this episode.
* It is revealed that Heather intended to pressure Courtney into serving her and then quitting after the events of the previous episode.
* Alejandro becomes increasingly annoyed by Topher throughout the episode.
* This episode features the last time the contestants must forage for berries, as the new mess hall opens.
* Amy and Samey once again make amends in this episode as Samey helps treat her allergic reaction to the pineapple.
* Sadie abandons her plans to throw the challenge to eliminate Amy after getting picked as head chef, thinking that she could prove herself as a viable team leader to one-up Amy.
* Sugar received an updated design for her cameo appearance.
* Amy is revealed to have never watched the show before her season, and only saw the four episodes of *Pahkitew Island* that she was in.
* Shawn is revealed to know own the bakery he worked for in *Pahkitew Island* and has an extensive knowledge of baked goods.
* Scott is revealed to carry sand around in his pockets to eat. This is a reference to him eating dirt in *All-Stars*.
* The cherries jubilee dish exploding on Anne Maria is a reference to the *Frasier* episode "The Innkeepers."
* Courtney and Shawn are revealed to have some knowledge of Quebecian foods.
* Amy becomes the second contestant to mention visiting the infirmary this episode. Courtney was the first to get her broken tooth fixed.
* Samey is revealed to have learned treatments for allergic reactions from Shawn and Jasmine.
* Shawn is also revealed to carry a lighter. This is to further suggest that he frequently smokes pot.
* With Anne Maria's elimination in this episode, Scott is the last remaining contestant to debut in *Revenge of the Island*.
* Anne Maria tells Topher that she wasn't allowed to gather her belongings. This is because she refused to leave and had to be escorted to the Boat of Losers.
* This is the longest episode from the first half of the season.
* Chris and Blaineley suggest that the winner of the season will either be Alejandro, Heather, Sadie, or Shawn.