Dark Souls

*Dark Souls* is a third-person action-adventure RPG, developed by FromSoftware and published by Bandai-Namco Entertainment in 2011. The series is notorious for its punishing difficulty for total beginners, with casual players and "journalists" alike pointing fingers at concepts such as "trial-and-error gameplay" and "artificial difficulty" in an attempt to rectify their shortcomings. The FWOB series for this title started on December 11, 2017, and features Cade, the player, and Dillon, the comic relief. This playthrough tells of the adventures of the Chosen Undead, "jklonk", as the poor soul trudges his way through the vast, dark, screen-tear inducing world of Lordran.

## **Characters**

* Weegee
* Deezus
* Jklonk
* Howard Dark Souls
* Don (cameo)
* Jacob (cameo)
* El Crystalmen
* Doubleyuh

## **Story**

The playthrough begins with the noble, Hollowed, Undead hero, jklonk, recently freed from his cell by the noble Oscar of Astora. After milling about for a few seconds to gather his bearings, he rolls away to begin his journey as the Chosen Undead. His first notable action upon his release is to murder the very man who had freed him only minutes earlier, to get his Asylum key and Estus Flasks. With his new, trusty axe in one hand, a fireball in the other, and courage in his heart, jklonk effortlessly shitstomped the Asylum Demon that awaited him, and made his way to Firelink Shrine.

jklonk suffered death time and time again on his way through the Undead Burg: he has been shot by arrows, ganked by mob NPC's, shut the fuck down by a powerful Black Knight, falling through floors, and what have you. Despite these odds, jklonk made his way past the Taurus Demon, past the Bell Gargoyles, and rung the first Bell of Awakening. On his way down the ladder, he encountered Oswald of Carim , who he immediately extorted a gesture from and murdered in cold blood. He would go on to meet the legendary Solaire of Astora shortly after.

After a handful of stops to see Andre of Astora, engaging in numerous fights against tough enemies, utterly destroying Havel the Rock, Lautrec of Carim, and the Moonlight Butterfly, jklonk breezed through Sen's Fortress and went right on to face the Iron Golem - having made the mistake of not summoning the phantom of Black Iron Tarkus , who would arguably be the true Chosen Undead and the strongest man in history, if not for his poor choice of weaponry when navigating the rafters above the hall of the Painted World, jklonk would die very shortly after his first encounter. He finally managed to defeat the colossal foe and sent him tumbling to his demise, and then sensually groped the Way of White circlet, which caused the Batwing Demons of Anor Londo to escort him to the city of the gods.

His arrival mean the death of the giant sentinels guarding the outer balconies of the city, the mimic chests behind them, the gargoyles, the Painting Guardians, the Silver Knights, Dragonslayer Ornstein, Executioner Smough, Princess (Mommy) Gwynevere, Prince Gwyndolin, and the Bronze Fire Keeper of Anor Londo. This murderous rampage plunged the majestic city into eternal twilight, having dispelled the effects of Gwyndolin's facade of power and security. In all of this, jklonk paid no mind to the noble, powerful being that came before him, Iron Tarkus. He did stop by his corpse to grab his gear, however.

The tirade continued as jklonk marched right up to the Duke's Archives, murdered every single creature there, and single-handedly defeated Seathe the Scaleless, securing another shard for the Lordvessel.

jklonk would go on to retreat from the main quest for just a while longer, instead pursuing the adventure of a land forgotten to time, the township/kingdom of Oolacile, ages in the past. Slaying the Hydra that guarded the entrance, he went back in time, totally stomped the Sanctuary Guardian, made nice with the mushroom lady, bravely slayed Artorias, the Abysswalker, on his very first try, naked, fists only, no damage taken, no rolling, and went right down to make a fool out of Manus, Father of the Abyss, thought by many to have been the Furtive Pygmy that spawned mankind.

He went back, slaughtered Artorias's waifu, got blasted by Black Dragon Kalameet, and paid a visit to see ol' Hawkeye Gough, the blacksmith of the gods, in his time. After magically disappearing for a brief moment, jklonk returned to ask the blind, thirty foot tall giant to shoot down the dragon with a bow and arrow. Gough obliged, nailing that dumb faggot dragon on one mighty blow, grounding the beast for long enough to jklonk to venture out and slay him. After several attempts.

## **Fun Facts**

* *Dark Souls* is Cade's real favorite game of all time, but not his most played; he claims that *World of Warcraft*and *The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim* may have more time logged in, much to Weegee's shame.
* This playthrough was recorded on July 29, the day after the Friends went to see *The Emoji Movie* in theaters.
* Cade tried to 1v1 the Black Knight in Undead Burg and fucking died like a bitch, everyone tweet @WEEGEETHEGOD and laugh at him.
* Cade thinks that being gay/black is a disability (which is a true fact).
* Cade actually had the fucking nerve to level DEX, violating the sacred mantra of Giant Dad and going against everything that *Dark Souls* stands for.
* There's a Dragon Tales reference in episode 6
* Cade completely forgot about Iron Tarkus, the baddest motherfucker to ever walk on Lordran's soil, and did not summon him for the fight against the Iron Golem. This playthrough is now dead.
* According to Dillon, Jklonk will never be in Family Guy no matter how much Cade wants it
* In episode 14 Cade says "See I'm just a fucking asshole!" at first glance this may seem like a reference to Jklonk and his character but many FWOB heads have speculated that this could mean much more and that it may be Cade referring to himself when he says this. But hey, that's just a theory.
* In episode 17 it is confirmed that Jklonk is queer. In the same episode it is also revealed that Jklonk (and Cade probably) is a member of the Klan
* Episode 18 ends with Cade incorrectly saying the opening lyrics to *Humble* by Kendrick Lamar, he says "I remember syrup sandwiches and **couch** allowances," the actual lyrics say crime allowances. Either that or I have a case of the bad hearing. HE DOES THIS AGAIN IN MARIO PARTY 7: EPISODE 10!
* Episode 21 was the last video uploaded on Friends Without Benefits in the year 2017. (Also this was the first post on the wiki in 2018 ;),)
* Jklonk owns a rope that he stitches his victims to and he carries it around with him where ever he goes
* Peak comedy is achieved in episode 22
* Cade states in the 100k special Mario Party stream that jklonk will make an appearance in FWOB's upcoming game.
* Cade is okay with being cucked by Jklonk
* Jklonk achieves his final form in episode 28
* If you want to cosplay as Jklonk, first, you need to "burn yourself to a fucking crisp", then use: The Man-serpent Greatsword, the Grass Crest Shield, the Pyromancy Flame, the Porcelain Mask (NOT the Bloated head), the Elite Knight Gauntlets, the Crimson Robe, and the Lord's Blade Waistcloth (not the be confused with the Waistcloth of the Channelers)
* jklonk used a cheap ass tactic and made Gwyn look like a pussy
* Jklonk is blind as revealed in the finale
* Now that Dark Souls: Remastered is anounced, the Adventure of Jklonk might continue