The Collected Works of Hedric "The Entertainer" Hollandworth

Its easy to lose your head in this biz

The story repeats again and again

So sit back, and listen about the redshirt named Ben

His courage was mightier than that of his skills

It bolstered his spirit and strengthened his will

An aid and an ally which availed him yet still

His honor lives on although he was killed.

Now Jed Dim the man, a curious fellow

His anger seems to boil and bellow

We've seen him fall, and return unharmed

But his demeanor had changed and left no one charmed

Jed dim the man, his presence remains

But what man will he be

Once he returns again?

This story repeats again and again

Let's hope he won't end up

Like the red shirt named ben

Murph Eyslaw

Who a little over excited?

Oh, Murph Eyslaw

Short in height but great in worth

If you're in a bind, Call the Murph!

He'll bake goods for you

Yea pregnart

He's a sorcerer too!

He's soft and green dont mind the slime

The best hip hopping friend of mine

Who's claim to fame lies in a name that sounds like a cough medicine

Who Doesnt need to boast

Has No need to be coy

You'll find he always brings Da Funk along with Da noise... nooice!

So verily Dee

And fiddly skill

Theres no one else like Perodil!

Headbands looking stinkin good

And if you catch him in the mood

lady gnomes would leave their homes for a night with the swinging Lincoln wood

So verily Dee

With fiddly skill

Theres no gnome quite like Perodil!

Plays the beat of his own drum

No need for flute or fiddle

Why beat around the Bush when you could  hey, paradiddle!

So verily Dee

With fiddly skill

Theres no one else like PERODIL!

A follower of Valon but he's my valentine

He's a strapping young fella like from a romance novella

It's been said when bloods been shed to use his shield as an umbrella

My pal jahrell

Delivers smiting blows

My pal jahrell

His justice spills and flows

Hailing from house passer you will find

The making of a paladin with a noble bloodline

He's got a two-way connection for righteous direction

But only when his helmet has deity reception

My pal jahrell

Dispatching all the foes

My pal jahrell

Will keep you on your toes

Oh, I sure miss my buddy

He wears such fancy clothes

But sometimes that means burlap sacks and shoes with open toes

He's handsome in an apron

But doesnt cook or clean

He's often overwhelming

And usually obscene

Oh, I wonder what would Morton do if he were here today? He'd proudly shout a honk or two, that's what Morton Mack would do.

He's often in bright colors

Or hardly clothed at all

No matter what he's wearing

He's always down to brawl

He lost his Dad but gained a wife

A mostly noble act

A mutual agreement with

No physical contact

Oh, I wonder what would Morton do if he were here today? He'd proudly shout a honk or two, that's what Morton Mack would do.

I remember meeting Morton Mack at the Last Wall.

The portant of unbridled light would surely save us all.

And though I was left behind

On that fateful day

Twas dear old Mort who did retort

We made him act that way

Oh, I wonder what would Morton do if he were here today?

He'd magic surge and probably cry

and wander off for God knows why

Returning much to our surprise

His vibrant colors burn your eyes

He'd Cry some more and drink his fill

Demanding that we foot the bill

Fuck shit up and go to jail

And after we had paid his bail

Throw a tantrum in the street

And Use his tears to wash his feet

Longing for a father's love

He never had before because

He's spoiled and brash and arrogant

And often has a pungent scent

And no one knows quite what to say

What's he going to wear today?

And proudly shout a honk for you

That's what Morton Mack would do!

### **Hedrics Back -**

left within a darkened chamber

Weakened by a wight

I fell into a quiet slumber

Then awoke resolved to fight

I don't know what it is

About this fateful crew

But since day one fealt I had become

A hapless hero too

HEDRICS BACK!

left behind but that okay

I'm BACK!

He lives to fight another day

The reason for my absences need never be explained

The question you should ask yourself is Are you not entertained?

HEDRIC'S BACK... yes!

left behind but "hey that's fine"

I'm Back!

I'll bust some heads and bust a rhyme

I'll play my best to pass the test

Just want to do my part

You'll have to try harder than that

To be rid of this 'old bard!

HEDRICS BACK!

### **Airship to Heaven** (Led Zeppelin - Stairway to Heaven)

Theres some heroes I know,

no matter where they go

They'll be flying an airship through the heavens

There are dangers ahead,

And I'm sure it's been said, but can

Someone please tell me what have we came for?

Ooh ooh, cause we're flying an airship through heaven.

Oooh it's a wonder

Oooh it's a wonder

And the feeling I get,

When someone rolls a crit,

And we actually end up doing the right thing

In my thoughts and my dreams,

A great quest I have seen,

With a party that struggles with reason...

Oooh it's a wonder

Oooh it's a wonder

If theres a Pregnart in the galley

Dont eat the truffles,

He has no concept of hygiene...

Yes theres a wizard who's a doctor

Aarakocra,

Honking his spells as he flaps his wings... ooh

And as story doth unfold,

Adventure greets those who are bold,

There is a bard that we all know,

Who will inspire and wants to show,

Not everything is about gold,

But if the heroes head the call,

Though they may rise or they may fall,

To take a chance and play the role...

But you can't keep your, airship, in heaven.

### **You're a Bitch** (Hall and Oates - Rich Girl)

You're a bitch goul

This has gone too far

Cause you know we're coming in here anyway

You can go die when your head gets bludgeoned

You can go die when we clear this dungeon

Youre a bitch goul

And it wont be long

Cause the heroes are here to save the day

You can go die 'cause your evil won't get you too far

### **Power of bards** (Huey Lewis and the News - Power of Love)

This quest of ours is a curious thing

Keep on striving no matter what it brings

Stick together when times are hard

Need inspiration? That's the power of bards

I Dont need money, i dont need fame,

Dont need a hundred titles added to my name

If I'm honest and willing, and the singing is fine

It might just save your life

That's the power of bards

### **AIRSHIP** (The Cars - Shake it Up)

2 long months of work and play

Time for Hokov to save the day

Omega project can't be beat

Zero's gonna lift us all off our feet

Take it up

Take it up oooh yea

Take it up

Take it up

Taking flight like a goose

Cpt. South wind gonna spread the news

Hold on tight, lift and soar

Has zero ever flown an airship before?

Well, Take it up

Take it up oooh yea

We're goin up

Dont blow it up

Taking flight (go go go)

Airship's tight (makes us float)

We'll Bring the fight (and hope we know)

How to land...

So take it up

Take it up, ooh yea

We're goin up

Dont blow it up

Take it up...

### **Aracokra way** (Flock of Seagulls - I Ran (So Far Away))

Stomp in place and wave your arms

Dont forget to tuck your elbows too

Tuck your elbows too

Get in shape just like a goose

I never I'd lead an airship crew

Lead and airship crew

And I'll fly, I'll fly this ship away

And honk, I'll honk all night and day

The Aracokra way

### **Faith** (George Michael - Faith)

Well I guess that it's been nice since I have joined the party

I know not everybody likes to party like you

But I gotta think twice before I sign my life away

Were facing danger everyday with Vecna on the loose

Oh, when Hokov's in sticky situations

Pregnart picks his treats up off the floor

Oh, and Jah'rell sucks at investigation

Bardic inspiration can settle the score

But you gotta have faith

Pre-ritualize faith

Because we gotta have faith, faith, faith

I gotta have faith, faith, faith... HONK!

### **Danger Zone** (Kenny Loggins - Danger Zone)

Zero at the helm,

Jed Dimm is an angry guy.

Heroes of the realm,

Vecna wants the world to die

So we're gonna fly into the danger zone

Gonna the skyway to the danger zone

### **Hot Tracks**

Highly acclaimed proficient bad-assery

Proudly proclaim Professional mastery

Fresh on the scene for when there's catastrophe

Deadliest team HOT stopping the dastardly

We're HOT formally HOKOV...

Ya ain't seen nothing, so hold your applause

We're stacked with tactical, magical bros

radical adaptable natural throws

national capitol ambassadors know

We'll handle these scandalous ameteur foes

We're HOT formally HOKOV...

If ya High in Charisma show us some love

Thwarting evil is our business

Felix got that radiant sickness

Jah'rell hates undead so witness

Joy from ya boy to the world like Christmas

We're HOT formally HOKOV...

Checking that naughty list like Santa Claus

You got a problem we're on a mission

Jump start Pregnart hot out the kitchen

Murph Eys lay down the law magician

Entertain ya brain so stop drop and listen

We're HOT formally HOKOV...

Yea we're Twice the calories but half the carbs

Captain Kwin inspiring leader

Airship crows nest with a bird feeder

Zero crossbow amplified speaker

Saving the day is Standard procedure

We're HOT formally HOKOV...

Like Ride of the Valkyries death from above

Heroes of the Kingdom of Vesh

That what we were known for best

Teldurias going to be impressed

And since we're here, y'all know the rest

We're HOT formally HOKOV...

Ya ain't seen nothing, so hold your applause

### **Boris** (Puff the Magic Dragon)

Boris the butcher

Burst on the scene

A bubble blowing baroness

At the age of just thirteen

Boris the butcher

The H.B.I.C.

Benevolent of Riverford

Who set the orphans free!

Now Boris she's a riddle

Full of mystery

Pocket dimension on her chest

That provides her every need

Bubblegum and daggers

Defender of the free

She'll fight and spit and surely fit

All in good company

### **Zero** (Zombies - Time of the Season)

What's a name? What's a number?

Does he look heroic

his objective knows no slumber

He's the world's best helmsman and a prototype

An Inorganic man

With deadly aim

Soon you're going to know

It's the time of the Reason from Zero

### **Hot for Valen** (Van Halen - Hot For Teacher)

Evil cannot stop me

People can't you see?

I'm not just a monarch's fool

Maybe I should get a sword

To fight the evil horde

But singing things to death is way more cool

I think of all the monstrous enemies I've killed

But saving deities was never one of my skills

I've got it bad, got it bad, got it bad

I'm hot for Valen

### **Captain Kwin** (Wellerman Sea Shanty)

There is a tale of a seaward man

Who controls the waters with his hands

His crew will come up with the plan

And he'll claim it as his own

Soon May a Southwind Come

So hide your wenches, gold and rum

If you hatch a scheme then tell no one

When the mighty Southwind blows

He is proficient with a pen

To tell his vast accomplishments

scattered everywhere he's been

To spread his great renown

Soon May a Southwind come

So hide your wenches gold and rum

You may hear tell of the Sea Czar's son

When a mighty Southwind blows

With His father's dagger in his grip

He commands the sea lord's mighty ship

If you see his first mate, then leave a tip

To reward his thankless role

Soon May a Southwind Come

So hide your wenches, gold and rum

You'll know when the crew all sighs as one

That a mighty Southwind blows

his hair is long and his cap is wide

a Rapier hanging at his side

He speaks about himself with pride

Which never seems to get old

Soon May a Southwind Come

So hide your wenches, gold and rum

You'll know when his hat blots out the sun

That a mighty Southwind blows

He orders not with an iron fist

But nonetheless he must insist

His charms no maiden can resist

For his confidence is all

Soon May a Southwind Come

So hide your wenches, gold and rum

When the brothels booked up for month

Then a mighty Southwind blows

### **Telduria** (Toto - Africa)

We're traveling to other Planes

Hoping that our Paladin will become ascended

Planar vortex to meet our fate

Hurry Valon's waiting there for you

It's gonna take a lot of spells prepared to use

There's nothing that a hundred mortal souls could ever do

We are the Heroes of Telduria

Across space and time to save the world from Vecna's wrath

### **Hobblet the Smasher** (Metallica - Nothing Else Matters)

Beware when evil comes round

To any kingdom, village or town

A timer keeps counting down

For Hobblet the Smasher

Loyalty you will find in him

Everyday he honors his kin

Trixie breaks through the bone and skin

For Hobblet the Smasher

Never know just what he'll do,

So don't ever cross a dwarf ah!

Who hates doors

### **Adventure** (Blind Melon - No Rain)

All I can say is adventuring's insane

We risk our lives for treasure and for fame

There's nothing we can't do

After all that we've been through

Our quest we will pursue throughout the planes

The planes...

There's some who call me entertainer

The bard who sings about our tale, yea

You know we got a plus three magic weapon

And vecna's horde is sure to fail

To fail...

### **Hapless Heroes** (original theme lyrics)

All of the world

Is threatened by a villainous foe

A time of need

Of those who's hearts are true

A crew

Who's overflowing with machismo

Enter the

Hapless Heroes

## Spell Songs

### **Enemies Abound**

Oh you wretch, can't you see?

You suffer from a malady

You've chosen poorly, with thoughts of woe

Now you can't distinguish your friend from your foe

### **Major Image**

What's this I see There yonder

Something that wasn't Now ponder

Could it be real? I'd wager

This curious image is quite major

### **Dispel Magic**

Something amiss. An unnatural force

Must be undone and with due course

An act to affect, and earnestly quelled

By verse and song let the magic be dispelled

### **Dimension Door**

No longer shall I stand where I once stood

For To stay in one place is never good

I call the Dimensional Door and with a word I say

Take me to a place of my choosing up to 500ft away.

### **Greater Invisibility**

I can sing

To help my team

On the one

Make the seen unseen

### **Polymorph**

Sing the spells

Ring the bells

Turn this something

Into something else

### **Vicious mockery**

You're just a wicked thing

my words burn and sting

You're ugly, undead, mishapen head

an purposeless monstrosity

a most foul creature with unsightly features

choke on my

Viscous mockery

### **Shatter\*\*** (KISS - Strutter)

I'll tell you a thing or two about bards

They'll crack you up then make you cry

We'll take your breath away with our songs

They'll steal your heart and let you die

Evil tries to hurt the world its true

But I can bust them up in pieces too

Shatter

### **Forcecage** (Red Hot Chili Peppers - Give it Away)

What I've got you're gonna get i'll put you in it

Spell slot seventh level gonna spend it

Sure shot hitting now you're gonna hate it

Put you in a box of which there's no escaping

Put em away, put em away, put em away now.

In my force cage, you ain't gonna play now