Mrs. Claus vs Mary Poppins

***Mrs. Claus vs Mary Poppins*** is the third installment of *Princess Rap Battles*. It features Christmas icon, Mrs. Claus, battling mysterious nanny, Mary Poppins, with them being backed up by Santa Claus and Bert respectively. It was released on December 22, 2014.

## Cast

### Rappers

* Whitney Avalon as Mary Poppins
* Alyssa Preston as Mrs. Claus
* Kevin Allen as Bert
* Jim O'Heir as Santa Claus

### Cameos

* Paul Nabil Mathis and Frank Eady as Stark Bannermen
* Steve Gossett as Mary's Parrot

## Lyrics

*(Mary's lyrics are in light blue, Mrs. Claus' are in gold, Bert's are in purple, and Santa's are in red. Mary and Bert rapping together, as well as the line said by Santa and the Stark Bannermen, is dictated by normal text.)*

### Mary Poppins

When there’s a looming battle to be faced and fought, the lesson is: get right to it.

Practically perfect people prefer to be polite, but sometimes you just have to say “Screw it.”

You never get applause,

You’re the dependent Claus,

You’re known for wrapping toys,

But my rapping skill destroys!

I’m money in the Banks so show some respect,

If you tear me up like paper, then I’ll resurrect,

And I suspect you should check your cholesterol twice,

Hey, fat cat, how are you at catching mice?

You’re like a piecrust, so easily smashed!

I’ll feed the birds what’s left of you once you’ve been trashed!

I hear it’s been years since the North Pole got rigid,

Today’s forecast says you’re entirely frigid!

### Mrs. Claus

Don’t go there, honey, the word around town

Is just a spoonful of sugar gets you to go down!

The parrot on your parasol does nothing but protest! (Hey!)

You’re a stuck-up servant, ho-ho-horribly dressed!

The biggest charity since ever, we help the masses,

With you, a couple kids get splinters in their asses! (Cheeky!)

Your rhymes are weak - you’re a low stakes player,

Come at me, freak - I’ll one-horse open slay ya!

I’m behind the scenes, but that doesn’t mean I’m dumb,

I run the workshop, keep the books, and advise my sugar plum!

I’m a baker, all about these rolls, a big broad bruiser,

Even your reflection thinks you’re a loser!

### Interlude

I find this a bore, let's double it up.

Oh, bring it on, sister! We will mess your shit up!

*[Bert and Santa Claus enter the battle]*

Bert. Santa. Mary. ...Mrs.?

*[Mrs. Claus hisses]*

### Mary & Bert

Extemporized before your very eyes,

Love to laugh at jolly guys I despise!

I likes what I raps and I raps what I likes,

Cause damn right Van Dyke rocks these mics!

You’re an icon of greed that’s perverted the season,

You give coal to bad kids, Mary teaches ‘em reason,

She's super classy, swagolistic, extremely ferocious!

Super classy, swagolistic, extremely ferocious!

I could do this whole verse backwards, but I truly feel

I’m through wasting my time, because you’re not even real!

### Santa & Mrs. Claus

Fool, I’m real, and I’m spectacular!

This Dick can’t stick to an accent or vernacular!

Your ugly carpet bag might impress a dunce,

But my sack holds billions of presents at once!

The whole world counts down to December twenty-fourth,

Winter is coming, I’m the “King in the North!”

Drinking one Coke a year has made us rich,

My list’s never wrong: it says you’re a bitch!

### Mary & Bert

Please don’t act like you’re some kind of saint, Nick.

Always spying on minors: That’s jailbait, prick!

### Santa & Mrs. Claus

This boring British wench needs a long winter’s nap,

You’ve been a naughty girl, shut up and sit on my lap!

### Mary Poppins

That's quite enough of that, the winds have changed here.

Let's see how well you fly without your reindeer.

## Trivia

* This is the first *Princess Rap Battle* to include male rappers.
* This is the first *Princess Rap Battle* to not have backup hype groups behind them, the closest being the Stark Bannermen during Santa's "King of the North" line.
* This is the first *Princess Rap Battle* to have two rappers on either side.