Letting others off the hook/ why doesn't this friend contact me at all?

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## Thread Transcript (Page 1)

**SpanishArmada**

I like this dude who I know likes me back in some way, but he never bothers to text or call me and it's strange. Our mutual friends talk about how he's always saying he misses me and stuff, even though I've texted him every now and then the past few months, sometimes with no reply and no attempt on his part to contact me back. The last time we talked on the phone was on my birthday two months ago. It's just weird and it pisses me off TBQH, we are friends and we like each other, so some contact is expected, right? I just want to let him off the hook and get happy about this because it's frustrating me right now.

I'd like to be around him more and hang out with him especially now that I hear - from others, not him - that he misses me. Like, um, hello, I have a phone? Text/ call? Tell me that yourself? Not hard. I'm just really not sure what I'm doing with my vibration that is not allowing texts or calls from this one, I get that I can't control what anyone else does. I know that, but he has a phone and he uses it, so I know he has the ability to text and call people. I just want to feel better about this, and yes, I want him to contact me more, too. I like him a lot, I really enjoy his company, he is one of my favorite people to hang out with, but still. C'mon, man, I'm not that scary.

**SpanishArmada**

I'm just not sure where to begin feeling better about this because what I want is for him to contact me and to feel better about it when he doesn't. But I keep hearing that we can't have expectations of others, so I guess I don't really know what I want in this. I keep thinking it's contact from him, hanging out with him, spending more time with him. It takes two to tango, or is that some kind of false premise?

**WellBeing**

So, of all the things that are going well in your life at this moment, you are going to focus on this one thing that "pisses me off TBQH" and, as you wrestle this to the ground and kill it, the other things in your life that were going well are going to match your "pissed off" vibration? Am I getting this correctly?

IOW, this stove is hot and it's not like you're hurting for men in your life according to the stories you've shared with us, so maybe you'd like to take your hand off this stove?

**Reema**

> Originally Posted by **SpanishArmada**
> It takes two to tango, or is that some kind of false premise?
>
>

Yes that is a false premise. Marc had a big post on this a few months back which I am not able to pull up with keyword searches.

you are wanting an action journey of contact, hanging out, and spending more time together so that you can look at all of that and THEN conclude/observe that you and he are having a good/active relationship ... but that is backwards.
First you must get comfortable with you and close the gap between you and you (not you and him) .... and THEN he will contact you/hang out with you and spend more time with you. It's vibrational closeness between you and you that you are seeking, not action closeness between you and him.
Okay back to finding the brilliant post from Marc so you can hear it in his own delicious words.

**WellBeing**

You've been working on a New Story about your Money. You could tell a New Story about this dude:

"There's this guy with whom I'd like to hang with and it appears that we're not a vibrational match, for whatever reason. I know I've been getting confused because the 2nd-hand comments that my friends relay don't match his behaviour but that's just me looking at the physical manifestations and I know better than that. I know this is a vibrational world but he probably doesn't. If he did know about the world of vibration, he would get into alignment on a consistent basis and then his words and his behaviours would synch up. But I do know this is a vibrational universe and maybe, just maybe, I've decided that I prefer men who are more aligned (whether consciously or instinctually) and this one--however attractive he might be--might just not be in my Vortex. If that's the case, then maybe, just maybe, I might be filling in my own grid with this one? When his role was merely to remind me that I like my men aligned. Some people might just be messengers. Good to know...."

**Reema**

Okay here are the words from Marc which I found copied and pasted in my quotes journal, but I cant find the actual thread despite keyword searches

""I'd describe it in this way: What you really want is to feel good when you think about this person. The improved relationship and better communication are the action-based way you believe that it will flow to you, and observing those things could very well help you feel better about them, but as you point out, you don't have any control over what they do. That's what tricks you into believing that there's some sort of limitation, because while it does take two to tango, it doesn't take two to think about tango or to feel better about this relationship or this person. It only ever takes one to improve your alignment. As you discover that good feeling you thought was about them isn't really about them, you'll be able to rendezvous with them at the right place at the right time."

**Reema**

Actually SpanishArmada, Marc's response was in reply to a question you asked on your own thread.

It was the same question LOL

I found the thread.

http://www.abeforum.com/showthread.php?35000-Is-it-possible-to-desire-anything-from-someone-else&highlight=tango

**Marc**

> Originally Posted by **SpanishArmada**
> I'd like to be around him more and hang out with him especially now that I hear - from others, not him - that he misses me. Like, um, hello, I have a phone? Text/ call? Tell me that yourself? Not hard.
>
>

Vibrationally speaking, yes it is. Virtually impossible actually.

> Originally Posted by **SpanishArmada**
> I'm just really not sure what I'm doing with my vibration that is not allowing texts or calls from this one, I get that I can't control what anyone else does.
>
>

No you really don't get it. "Why isn't he calling? It pisses me off because he doesn't call me..." THAT'S what you're doing vibrationally that's preventing him from calling. You think you'd feel better if he'd call, but because you don't feel better first, he can't call. It's how everything in this Universe works, you have to feel better FIRST.

> Originally Posted by **SpanishArmada**
> I know that, but he has a phone and he uses it, so I know he has the ability to text and call people. I just want to feel better about this, and yes, I want him to contact me more, too. I like him a lot, I really enjoy his company, he is one of my favorite people to hang out with, but still. C'mon, man, I'm not that scary.
>
>

Again, that just shows that while you say that you "get" it, but you don't get it. YOU HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO FEEL BETTER FIRST. It's not because you're scary or because he doesn't like you or that he's a bad guy for not calling. Rather, it's that in your current vibrational stance, you're like Wonder Woman with her magic bracelets that can deflect bullets and every time he thinks of you and has the notion to call... Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! LOA responds to your vibration and deflects every thought he has into a different direction. You're the one in control here, you really are.

> Originally Posted by **SpanishArmada**
> I'm just not sure where to begin feeling better about this because what I want is for him to contact me and to feel better about it when he doesn't. But I keep hearing that we can't have expectations of others, so I guess I don't really know what I want in this. I keep thinking it's contact from him, hanging out with him, spending more time with him. It takes two to tango, or is that some kind of false premise?
>
>

Yes, it's a false premise. You want him to make the first move so you can observe him making the first move and feel good in observing him making that move because it proves the way he feels about you, but that simply cannot happen vibrationally. You're in charge. You're the only one who can make the move, speaking in terms of vibration rather than action, because everything in this Universe responds to the way you feel, without exception.

Imagine you're at a restaurant and you're in the mood for your favorite meal. Without meaning to, you order a bean burrito instead. No matter how much you want your favorite meal, or how much they like you, they're going to bring you a bean burrito because THAT'S WHAT YOU ORDERED. You can blame them for it, you can say that it takes two to tango, but at the end of the day they're bringing you the bean burrito because THAT'S WHAT YOU ORDERED. You're the one in charge. They won't bring you your favorite meal until that's what you order because that's how it works, that's how it's supposed to work, and in the grand scheme of things, that's the way you want it to work.

**WellBean**

Well, it doesn't really take two to tango -- Abe say "I love loving you, it's my pleasure to love you." In other words, if you like him, then like him!! Feel that joy of focus on someone (or something) that feels good. The conditions of him calling do not have to change for you to feel good.

The reason you can't feel better is because you've made his contact more important that you feeling good. You've got the cart before the horse. And I know it sounds like crazy talk sometimes but it really does work this way. I sort of backdoor myself into feeling better in these situations by wording it like this "I love feeling good. I love feeling good and it feels good to like this guy. I love feeling good and having contact with guys I like feels great! I love feeling good."

I get it that it's frustrating to be pretty sure he likes you but then doesn't contact you, but instead of looking at the specifics go more general. What is this showing you about your vibe? Where are you on the EGS? Maybe Frustrated. Frustrated is a place on the scale. You can feel better than frustrated and then you will get different manifestations.

There is a great clip called "Abraham Hicks -- can you give him my number" that might apply.

**marie la luz**

Some people are shy in a funny way.

Maybe like others are saying you should ignore what you are imagining are his feelings, and then mind your feelings about him. If you like him, be around him, and certainly understand very thoroughly that he likes you back very much. Does it really matter what his story is, if he is a pleasure to you then thats the gift. Anyway, your uncomfortable interpretation might not represent his experience at all. Perhaps he just likes you even more than you like him, and he feels kinda tense about contacting you...

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