ID Chapter 14

# Chapter Fourteen - "What We're Working For"

### Junko

    I awoke in my bunk, sometime before the sun was up, to the sound of muffled chanting and rhythmic tapping.

    "R-Rinko? That's you… right?"

    The eerie sounds continued unabated, whispers in the dark coming from some place I couldn't quite locate in my hazy state.

    "Rinko?!"

    Panicking at the thought of someone else lurking in our room I leaned over the edge of my bunk, desperate to lay eyes on my roommate who was hopefully still in the bunk below. I leaned over farther and farther, until the pressure I was exerting with my hand was too much for the notebook it had been braced against, and I tumbled shoulder-first onto our soft pink rug. The whispering and tapping turned into a loud shriek of surprise. The sounds had been coming from my roommate after all, and all I could see in the low light of the stars streaming through our window was the frantic flailing of limbs and blankets.

    "Jun-Junko?! Are you ok?!" She practically rolled out of her bunk onto the rug - having a much lighter go of it than I had - and seemed to hover over me, though in reality she was just sitting on her knees. "Are you ok?"

    "Y-Yeah..."

    She saw me clutching at my shoulder - something I hadn't even realized I was doing - and rubbed it gently for me. Rinko's hands were rather cold thanks to our poorly insulated dorm room window, but just this moment I found myself thankful for that. The entire scene combined with my half-wakefulness to play out like a dream.

    "Are you ok?"

    "Yeah, I'm…" I reached up with my free arm and touched Rinko's face lightly, getting her to make a cute, confused look, at least until I pushed her headphones off of one ear. "Ye-yeah, I'm okay... Bu–but what about that chanting, was that you?"

    Rinko couldn't hold back her amusement as she erupted into laughter, which I didn't find particularly funny.

    "Sorry, sorry! I don't mean to laugh! It's just that you look so silly right now, and I've never seen you so distressed before!" I quickly turned my arm to cover up my blushing face, in case I was embarrassed enough to be seen even in the relative dark of the stars. "You're usually the one taking care of me, not the other way around."

    It wasn't long before Rinko ceased her laughing and joined me in laying on the floor, pulling down a blanket to cover us and wrapping her arms around me like we were thirteen again.

    "Sorry, I was just practicing the lyrics for our performance. I really wanna do my absolute best! I didn't mean to wake you." She sounded calm for once, which was oddly soothing. I allowed my eyes to close, for just a moment, relishing the nostalgia of when the world seemed to be just Rinko and me. Back when we were just kids, before we really started to grow up and everything started to get confusing. So, so confusing…

    The heat immediately rushed back to my face, intensely enough that even my aching shoulder was nothing but a memory. I pushed Rinko away from me. Not hard, but firmly enough that she ended her attempt at laying with me and settled on being merely next to me. We aren't those kids anymore, and it's not just her and I as a duo, and everything is different now. Different and…

    Confusing. So, so confusing.

    "I–It's fine! You've been working so hard this whole time though. You should really try to sleep in a little more, especially on such an important day."

    "That's exactly why I can't sleep though!" She threw herself back onto her bed, taking her blanket with her. "I'd rather work now and sleep later, like, after!"

    I sat up and stretched my arms, rolling my shoulders a few times. It was fine. Not even stiff, so it shouldn't affect tonight in the slightest. I'd probably just be a little bit sore tomorrow. I spun on the carpet to face our bunks and leaned in closer - I know, that's what started this whole thing in the first place, but how much farther was I going to fall if I lost my balance? By my reckoning I'd already fallen as far and as hard as I could, and there wasn't much more that could happen to take me further than I'd already come.

    "Wait, but you can sleep through anything. Are you telling me you're… not tired? Could it be that you're nervous?" Rinko's expression mimicked that of a child, as she let out a small yell.

    "Is *that* what this feeling is?! Ugh, I'm not used to this at all...!" I made her way to her, joining her on her bed before I'd even realized I was moving my legs.

    "You just need to relax, or you'll be exhausted by this evening. If you can't sleep, why don't we go take a bath?"

    Rinko immediately perked up, quickly sitting herself up, though she was finally learning to be careful enough not to hit her cute little head on the slats above her.

    "Ah! That's a good idea, I think that'd help!"

    "Yeah, since it's still pretty early, we'll probably have it all to ourselves."

    "Even better! You think I can sneak my rubber frog in?!"

    "Probably, but if someone shows up you'll have to hide it."

    "Yay! Well, we better hurry then, c'mon!"

    After a thoroughly exhilarating bath, Rinko and I spent a few hours chatting in our room. Not about anything in particular. We just weren't able to get back to sleep, so a couple lazy hours later we made our way to Lina's office. It wasn't too big a surprise to see Momiji, Lina, Megumi, Eimi, Dam-Bi, and Kanon already waiting for us. Well, maybe Kanon. She was usually the last to arrive at morning rehearsals - she loves her sleep possibly even more than Rinko does - but every now and then my roommate gives her a run for her money. In fact, everyone was here except one.

    "Good morning! Is Chiyo running late?" Rinko asked cheerfully, seemingly back to her old self.

    "She's running an errand for me, but she'll be back shortly. Are you excited? It's your big debut today." Despite the fact that Lina was talking to Rinko, she seemed to be in her own world. She didn't even make proper eye contact. "Just remember: you only got this venue because of Eimi, and the majority of the attendees are already her fans. You'll have to really do your best if you want them to pay attention to you instead of her." She was being rather cruel, increasing the already nervous tension in the room.

    "Lina, cut them some slack. It's their big day, say something encouraging!" Momiji tweaked Lina's ear between two fingers, showing her displeasure in an over the top way that went well with the small woman's large personality.

    "Okay okay! Just let go! Ugh, well... You've all been working really hard, so keep it up for a little longer and then we can all take a break."

    "Good enough, I guess…" Momiji laughed, walking away from Lina's overbearing desk to talk fashion with Dam-Bi by the couches.

    "Sorry for taking so long, I'm back with the coffee!" Chiyo rushed into the room, Momo following close behind in a clear plastic hamster ball, moving with much more purpose than a hamster ought to.

    "You took Momo to get coffee?" Kanon asked, confused, surprised to see the hamster so obediently following her owner.

    "Yeah! I'm a little anxious, so having her around is really helping." The green-haired girl gave a smile to her roommate before handing the coffees off to Lina.

    "Thanks. I'll go get the van ready in a few minutes. There will be food and refreshments for you at the venue." She chugged down the first cup of coffee, casually tossing the empty container in her trash bin as soon as she'd downed it. "Well, hurry up!"

    The day was already proving to be rather hectic, but all of us held up surprisingly well on the ride to the theater. Eimi was the most relaxed out of everyone, having already performed at this exact venue a few times in the past. Megumi was distracting herself by focusing on Eimi, which seemed to be the norm for her, watching her as our ace gave pointers to Kanon and Chiyo for their first big performance.

    "Ms. Inagawa, it's rather kind of you to give pointers to our underclassmen. Could you be trying to calm their nerves? Or maybe distract yourself from your own?" Eimi smiled a bit, choosing not to rise to the taunt that had been lobbed her way. It wasn't long before the bumpy car ride ended and we arrived outside the concert venue. The energy in the air was much the same as it had been for our rehearsals yesterday, but things were already starting to get rolling outside on the sidewalk. Out in front of the building, a small horde of Eimi's fans were already waiting in front of the main entrance. How did I know they were Eimi's fans and not here to see one of the rest of us?

    Well, that was fairly easy to deduce.

    On either side of the entrance there were people clustered around small tables. Portable foldaway backdrops covered with posters and photographs of our star idol were propped up against the building behind them, making it incredibly obvious what they were selling to the people gathered around. The number of people wearing images of Eimi's face or her album covers on their shirts certainly didn't detract from the overall theme of the impromptu bazaar, and a few of the younger girls were even clutching some kind of bizarre-

    "Eimi dolls?!" My roommate was pushing her nose against the van's side window, peering excitedly at the array of merchandise on display. "I want- No! I *NEED* an Eimi doll! They're so cute…" The genuine article pulled her away from the window and scolded her.

    "Never look out the window. It's bad luck if the fans see you before the concert." The blonde shared more of her seasoned advice with the group, then muttered to Rinko under her breath. "Maybe I have some in storage somewhere. I dunno. Maybe I'll check sometime..."

    "Um, but isn't that for weddings?" Dam-Bi poked a small hole in Eimi's logic.

    "It can be bad luck for two different things! You don't want people snapping photos instead of buying them, and you don't want a mob of fans trying to stalk our van to the entrance."

    "Well if you put it that way, I guess it does sort of make sense…"

    Once we'd disembarked a few minutes later and arrived in the green room, we quickly double checked that all of our equipment had made the trip with us and then settled in for our long, nerve-wracking wait. Some of us grazed on the refreshments: a tray of vegetable sticks and platter of finger sandwiches, washed down with some bottles of tea or water. At least, those of us who weren't too nervous to eat. It wasn't a luxurious spread - Eimi made sure to point that out at least three times - but it was better than nothing at all, especially given how early we were starting to prepare.

    "Okay, does everyone remember the setlist for today's performance? If not, it'll be over here on the wall. We'll have a few people making sure you don't miss cues, but please make sure you're holding yourself accountable and not messing around. Also, I know this is an enclosed room, but make an effort to be quiet. Changing rooms are over there, and all of your costumes are already in there and labeled. Momiji and her team will start on your makeup in a bit, so make sure you're all warming up. Good luck. Don't mess up." With those words, Lina walked out of the room to go attend to her other duties - and probably play on her phone a bunch in the van.

    According to the setlist, which we'd already practiced many times, Interlunium's debut song was going to be the very last thing performed. Otherwise, it was mostly the idols who had already debuted performing some of their more successful numbers. Eimi would have the honor of greeting her fans to kick off the concert, starting us with one of her classic songs, *Gotta Gotta Gotta Gotta Gotta Gotta Love Me!* Rinko and I would be the second act to take the stage, performing a pair of numbers from our prior debut - *Kaeru-Kaeru* and *Jupiter Lovesign* - followed by Megumi performing *Fuyu no Asa no Hinode*, accompanying herself on the koto. Dam-Bi will then close out the first half of the concert with a few of her most popular songs, ending with her most popular: *Boba Jubilee*. After intermission the concert would transform into, essentially, an Eimi Inagawa concert, with her performing the bulk of her latest album. This, it turns out, was a condition of the label for her joining us so they could fulfill agreements with vendors that were already in place, and to placate her fans that, admittedly, made up a sizable portion of the audience. She would end her set with her latest hit, *Milk Tea Galaxy*, and then, finally, we would have our first live performance of *Intergalactic Disco*.

    Now though, it was barely past noon and the concert didn't start until five on the dot, but I already had the feeling that the nervousness in the room was going to make those hours drag on endlessly. For the first hour or so we all did practically nothing. Megumi was probably the most productive, quietly tuning her koto in the corner while Eimi practiced taking selfies in a beat up old armchair not too far from her. Dam-Bi tried to sit quietly but never managed to for more than a few minutes at a stretch, spending most of her time pacing the floor and running through her hand motions and facial expressions, checking her phone every now and then to type a few quick words. Rinko… was everywhere. In and out of the dressing rooms, up and down from practically every chair and sofa, checking the set list, eating sandwiches, messing with the koto when Megumi wasn't looking… *everywhere*. The entire time, Kanon and Chiyo were being Kanon and Chiyo. If you couldn't tell by now, their interactions at these sort of stressful times were always pretty much the same: Chiyo gets stressed out, and Kanon makes her feel better. It's… actually pretty cute to watch. Which is mostly what I found myself doing - watching the others, for no particular reason other than to keep my mind on something so I didn't go crazy from the waiting.

    At long last, *something* finally happened to alleviate the boredom. Momiji entered the room in her usual fabulous fashion, followed by two other women carrying plastic cases full of the tools of their trade. Momiji pointed dramatically at Dam-Bi, Rinko, and Chiyo, as the other women continued on to the dressing room to get set up.

    "You three shall be today's first masterpieces. Come along, let's start with the magic!"

    Once those three had moved along to the dressing rooms - and most of the nervous movement had vacated the room along with them - the green room took on an almost unsettling aura of tranquility. Eimi and Megumi remained across the room in a pair of armchairs, though Eimi was now laying across hers with her legs dangling over the side, chatting quietly as Megumi read from one of her seemingly endless supply of thick books. It made sense for Eimi to be calm, but it was impressive how if Megumi was feeling at all nervous, she didn't let on to it at all. Though Megumi rarely shows much in the way of anything aside from a general sense of quiet contentment or a curious attentiveness. Kanon on the other hand, now that Chiyo had left the room, was finally starting to let her own nervousness show.

    I stood up from the chair I'd been parked in since we arrived and retrieved two bottles of green tea from the refreshment table, then went and sat down next to my junior. I handed her one of the bottles, then took a long sip from mine.

    "You have to stay hydrated, especially if you're nervous. It'll help with that, too." She immediately took my advice, copying my actions.

    "Thanks…"

    "Don't mention it."

    I don't know why I find it so difficult talking to Kanon. I like the girl quite a bit. She's, easily, in the top half of my favorite group mates. Not that I would say I dislike any of them at this point. Even Eimi, with whom I started out on the completely wrong foot, has grown on me enough to disperse most of the initial concerns I'd had. Something about Kanon just draws me to her in the same way it does Rinko. Well… no. Not in that same way, but in a similar way where I want to watch out for her and make sure that she's safe and sound. A little like…

    Ugh. Rinko may have been right about me being the group's big sister.

    She just reminds me a little bit of me, I think. Quiet, not always as confident as she should be, and I think she maybe-

    "Junko?"

    And then there's her looks. A little paler than average, like me, with unusual hair, also like me. We both love the color blue, and there's a passing similarity between her pink irises and my - admittedly dyed - hair. I guess the same could be said between my sea green eyes and her navy blue dyed patch. Maybe it's just my artistic side seeing things that aren't there, but it's as if we had been designed with the same set of inks and paints. Two different canvases painted to be complementary to one another. That we were thrown together here and now, surely that meant something…

    "Juuunko…?"

    "S-Sorry. I got lost in thought. Are you nervous?"

    "Little bit…"

    "I think you'll be fine. You've worked really hard, and it's only one number tonight. I'm sure you'll do great. We're all really proud of you." Lines like those even make me sound like an onee-san…

    "It's not that. By now we could probably all do it in our sleep…"

    "Oh. Then what're you worried…"

    The entire time we talked, Kanon's gaze was almost entirely on the door to the dressing rooms. The entire time we talked, honestly, mine was too. If we'd been glancing at each other at all before, this was the first moment that both of us managed to look beside us at the same time. Really looking at her from right beside her on the old couch, Kanon didn't look entirely nervous. She also had a sort of distracted look that was a bit… familiar…

    "When did you... realize that you liked Rinko... Like, ***like*** liked her?"

    "Wh-What? I… I don't…" My head swiveled away from her fast enough that I'm surprised I didn't reinjure my shoulder from this morning. I tried to focus on the lunch table, the door to the hallway, the antique koto propped up next to Megumi, even Megumi or Eimi… I pretty much desperately wanted to focus on *anything* but the question Kanon had just asked me as though it was nothing at all.

    "S-Sorry! I didn't mean to…" The sigh that came out of Kanon - low and long and anguished - seemed almost like a dubbed sound effect. I had no other way to explain how so much air came out of such a tiny girl all at once. This was, of course, followed by a large gasp as she refilled her lungs. My vision finally focused again, landing as it had been on the light yellow door to the dressing rooms. The entire room was actually painted in a very pale yellow, which would have made me question why it was called a green room if I'd been able to think that deeply when I consciously noticed it. What I wouldn't have given for Dam-Bi to be pacing the floor or even for Eimi to start yelling at someone, but instead we were all following Lina's request to keep quiet far too well.

    "We were thirteen, I think. We moved in together. Maybe even before then, but we were so young…" A petite hand moved and clutched onto mine softly. If it was intended for her benefit, or mine, or maybe both of ours I can't say, but it was of some comfort. This sort of thing is so much easier in your head than to say out loud to someone, even if they aren't the someone you have those feelings for. Especially when not everyone would approve… but that's an entirely different subject.

    "How'd you know?"

    That was a question I had never really thought about. How do you know when you love someone? And not just love them, but that you're actually "in love" with them. Was it the first time we met in the park and she sang like a nightingale? Or that day I showed up to join her class in middle school and she smiled at the sight of me like I'd never seen anyone do before? That morning I went to walk her to school and her sister told me she wasn't there anymore, I had felt like I was having a heart attack at the thought of Rinko all alone out there somewhere. Even before my love and my emotions matured, it was like she was a part of me… all the best, most talented and pure parts of me. I'd do anything for her. Is that love? Or is love something else? Something that you can't pinpoint to any one moment or any single feeling? I don't know why or when I first loved Rinko. I just… always have.

    "I just…knew."

    "I get it…" With that, I don't think that either of us especially knew what to add to the conversation. Even if we did, there must be a limit to how useful talking about such a delicate and intimate subject with someone uninvolved can be. This was a subject where I would be able to offer precious little sisterly advice. I know what it's like to fall in love… everyone does, right? But why it happens, and what comes next…

    "I'm going to do my best today. For her and for me." Kanon had a look of raw determination I had thus far never seen on her. If her short white hair were to suddenly stand up on end and start glowing yellow, I honestly wouldn't be surprised. "For you and everyone else too."

    Seeing such a serious look on such a tiny girl as Kanon was so incredibly cute I couldn't help but be moved. I repeated her sentiment, smiling and laughing quietly.

    "Then I'll do my best today too. For every one of you. For all our fans, too."

    "Right!"

    We sat there for a few minutes, though the awkwardness had mostly passed. As far as big sistering goes, I hadn't been a complete failure. Kanon had a question, it was answered - however vaguely - and we'd both moved on to a satisfactory resolution. If only all matters of the heart were so easy to solve. It did, however, leave me with a discovery about myself that I was mildly surprised by. While the mere thought of Rinko thinking of me like this still turned my stomach, if it were Kanon, or maybe even Chiyo…

    "How do we look?!" The relative calm of the room was shattered by the arrival of my missing junior. She skipped across the room directly toward Kanon and I, a small ball of peach fuzz carefully nestled in her hands, then spun a few times in a childish twirl. While we were supposed to just be getting our makeup done, Chiyo had already gotten fully in costume despite being several hours earlier than necessary. She did look very nice in the orange dress though, and her excitement made her look positively adorable.

    "You look… Y-You look…"

    I tapped her bottle of tea, signaling her to take a drink. "You look quite beautiful, Chiyo. You too Momo." The girl giggled and twirled again, enjoying her stint in something other than overalls. "Don't you agree, Kanon?" The best she could do was nod her head several times quickly, which Chiyo thankfully caught between spins.

    "Come on, Kanon! They said I have to change back so I don't spill anything on it but we need to take some pictures for Momo's page! Oh! And Junko, they said to tell you that you're next!"

    "Make sure to take some good ones, ok girls? I'll be sure to look for them later." Ok, so I follow Momo's account. She's cute. I took a step toward the changing rooms before pausing and thinking of one more thing I had to do. Turning back I reached out a hand and plucked off Kanon's ever-present cap, dropped it onto the sofa next to her, then tousled her hair. She ducked away from me almost immediately, but I had made my point. If I were going to be a big sister, I was going to have all the perks that came with the responsibility. I laughed loudly, enough so that even Megumi gave me quite the quizzical look, all the way to the pale yellow door.

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