Won't you be my Neighbor

**Won't you be my Neighbor** is the fourth episode of the first series of The Osbournes. It originally aired on the 19th March 2002.

## Summery

The episode begins with Sharon meeting two new neighbors who have just moved in, they greet her and discuss about how they go for runs daily. Meanwhile Kelly complains that elder sister Aimee had booked her a gynecologist appointment. Ozzy thinks it's a practical joke and continues to annoy Kelly about the "vagina doctor".

The Osbournes have new neighbors, and they had been playing loud European dance music late at night. Sharon confronts them over the fence and tells them to go in their "perfectly big house" to play their music. The neighbors refuse to go inside, and Ozzy declares war. One night the neighbors play camp songs, and Jack finally has enough. He plays Meshuggah on full volume to upset the neighbors. It wakes Kelly who comes running out of the house and throwing tantrums.

Next, Jack and Sharon start throwing ham and other objects across the fence. This catches the attention of the police, and they tell Sharon they are powerless to do anything about the loud noise unless they are there when it happens. They also warn the family not to throw "the good food" over the fence, and to call them when the neighbors start playing up again.

Ozzy, who had been sleeping through all this, awakes and grabs a piece of firewood and walks all the way to the side of the house. Even though Sharon insists that he throws the fruit, Ozzy continues to go all the way to their house where something smashes. The cops come back and the episode fades to black.

## Memorable Quotes

"*In my old house I use to live next to Pat Boone, people think Pat Boone was nice, I must confess I was in a category for worst neighbor, and he really is nice, living next door to the Osbournes, rocks go through the window and cats go flying out the door and he never complained once!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*You haven't done anything, it's your fucking daughter! I just got a call, when I'm in Tiffany, from some woman telling me how I should prepare my vagina gynecologist appointment tomorrow...SHE BOOKED ME A GYNECOLOGIST APPOINTMENT!*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*Well,well tell her to book me one I wouldn't mind.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*What? Aimee? I-I don't have any buisness in this gynecologist. I'll go cause sometimes I feel like a cunt.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*She was gonna send me to the dentist, she was gonna get me a new car, she was going to book me a gynecologist appointment and I'm like "Aimee, my teeth, my car,my vagina, my buisness!"*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*ALL YOU GOTTA SAY IS "FUCK OFF!" When the vagina doctor calls or something. What kind of a cunt do you think I am?!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*It's not just that now they stick a finger up your asshole and no one is sticking a finger up my asshole!*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*Did she get laid when she was 17?*"
— Louis Osbourne

"*I got laid when I was fucking twelve!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*That's what you say, you're a woman you'll stick up for her!*"
— Ozzy to Melinda

"*Sarah come with me I'm gonna bollock the neighbors and say "How dare you play that awful music!"*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Fucking wankers have no respect for your neighbors!*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*You want me to play some Black Sabbath and you wanna beat up Ozzy Osbourne, the front door's wide open. C'mon big boy! Playing your awful middle aged music for everyone to hear!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Darling the wicked witch has nothing on me! You're already living next to the neighbors from Hell! C'mon big boy! Come here! C'mon cocky little Englishman! Come over here little rich boy! Living off mommy and daddy's money, do you?!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*I try and be a nice neighbor but it gets personal, if they wanna fuck with me then they're fucking with the wrong person because I'll start throwing dead animals over the fucking thing. I don't give a fuck I-I-I'll throw pig guts and things over there. Alright starting tonight war is on!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*I'll tell you we need some reprisals. If they want a war, we're gonna give em one! I got a pig's head from the butchers, that'll fuck em up!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Meshuggah, death metal from Norway*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*I'm trying to get some fucking sleep but I can't get any because you're singing the "Whole world in my" fucking hand!*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*You want me to sing a lullaby? FUCK YOU!*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*You don't get it?! Doing this is just gonna provoke them!*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*This is a picture of his wife's cunt. (Laughter) A statue, a hand cut artifact!*"
— Sharon with ham

"*They were telling mum and dad, they said you were a crazy whore*"
— Aimee Osbourne

"*They're right with that one!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*It'll probably end up really ugly with the lawyers, but one things for sure I'm not moving!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ozzy stop! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ozzy! Ozzy! Ozzy! No,no,no,no! Here! Here's the fruit! OZZY NOT WOOD! YOU COULD BE DONE FOR MANSLAUGHTER! He's going to the side of the house! OZZY!*"
— Sharon Osbourne's entire dialogue in the final scene

"*Broke the window!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

## Trivia

* This episode is considered a fan favourite to many.
* After the episode aired the identity of the noisy neighbor was revealed to be Owen Paul who claims that there was more stuff thrown than that depicted in the episode and that Ozzy had assisted throwing objects with Sharon and Jack before he broke the window.
* According to the commentary by Jack and Sharon, Aimee was present during the "war" with the neighbours and is heard in the episode saying "They were telling mum and dad, they said you were a crazy whore" Also according to the commentary the window was open and Ozzy actually broke a glass coffee table that was in the room where the log landed.

## Reference

1. ↑ http://www.blabbermouth.net/news/ozzy-osbourne-s-mystery-neighbor-revealed/