2023 Power Rankings-Week 13

## Introduction

It was Beach Bungalow Madness on Monday night as two of the three Bung Boiz could only dream of a lazy afternoon at the beach as they fought for their lives in primetime.

Paddock 9 might not have anything actually at stake for the playoffs, but he was still warring for a record that will be nearly impossible to beat. Defeat Pain Train and earn the first ever Double-Header Season Sweep. Not only that, but he would tie the record for most wins in an LOC regular season (11). It was a huge night for Paddock, as well as Pain Train. Winners of three straight, the Train continued to have playoff aspirations but it would take yet another upset to reasonably stay alive for the Festival of Champions.

Pain built up a huge lead heading into the final stretch of games. After losing last week thanks to DJ Moore hating Pat's guts, it was CJ "Moore" Stroud dropping a shroud of darkness over P9's sweep aspirations. He and Frank the Tank Dell were drunk with power as they rolled over Paddock's squad. Even Najee Harris decided to revive his career for one last shot at Pat. And Pain Train's prayers were answered when Christian Kirk captained another voyage beyond the projection. And who can forget the masterpiece painted by Tony "Jackson Pollock" Pollard.

But this season Paddock 9 is an artist as well, and he has perfected the art of the comeback. P9 also promised team focus in his video to the league last week, and the team delivered. From the time that Pain Train scored his last point, Paddock 9 ripped off an astonishing 37 positive scoring plays to come all the way back. But we all know the power of 38 in this league. And it took a 38th and final play of the weekend to seal the deal for Paddock 9.

A beautiful rainbow TD to TJ Hockenson late to bring it home for Pat and send Pain Train packing.

It was an exciting finish, and yet not the closest game of the week.

RIPDab was hoisted by his own petard yet again this week. It was 2022 add/drop Samaje Perine all over again. He does too little all season with negative results, and then does too much and loses. Fantasy is all about doing less, except for the times you need to do more. It's so simple!

Last week RIPDab decided to bench Josh Allen, but kept Gabe Davis in the lineup. Davis got blanked and Dab lost by less than two points.

This week RIPDab decided fuck you Gabe Davis and benched his ass, inserting Josh back in. Gabe exploded for 29.70. Dab lost by less than 1.5 points.

Similar to Paddock, Shotti had to tear off some big plays late in the game, after Hockenson had scored to give Minnesota the lead. And even after he took the lead, he had to hold off a potential catch by Jordan Addison for RIPDab. Not only that, but Fields took knees to end the game that cost him 0.36 points. But luckily for him it was enough to keep his hopes alive for a first round bye and, just as important, a top-3 spot in the LOC playoffs.

For Dab? Two losses by a total of less than 4 points. That's the defining stretch of a lost season for the Add/Drop Kid.

## Matchup Recap

* Paddock 9 wins the Commissioner's Cup with a MNF comeback against Pain Train (9-13). **Next Matchup: N/A**
* The Multiverse of Mattness gets one step closer to securing a bye with a crucial win against Papa's Posse (16-7). **Next Matchup: N/A**
* The Shotti Bunch keeps pace with the top of the pack in a gut-puncher of a win against long-time rival RIPDab (15-10). **Next Matchup: N/A**
* Sweet Dee looks legitimately unstoppable as she takes down the defending champion ma ma momma said (7-12). **Next Matchup: N/A**
* Duck Punchers plays spoiled and gets a blowout win against a seriously underperforming Stupid Idiots (9-3). **Next Matchup: N/A**

## Stat Chat

* The Shotti Bunch becomes the 2nd team to reach at least 7 regular season wins in 10 seasons.
* Multiverse of Mattness ties Shotti and momma for the third most seasons with 8 or more wins (6). Duck and RIP hold the record at 7 seasons.
* RIPDab is on a five-game losing streak for the first time since 2018.
* The Stupid Idiots is on a four-game losing streak for the first time since 2018.
* The Stupid Idiots becomes the 10th team to reach 50 regular season losses.
* A stat I did not see coming this season: Duck Punchers has broken a tie with ma ma momma said and now has the most blowout wins in LOC history (23).

## Double-Header Winners

This week Paddock 9 become the first team to sweep the season double-headers. That makes him the only team to both sweep and get swept in the season-long double-header series.

2023 Double-Headers Accounted for:

* DP (avoids the season sweep by splitting series with Mattness and Idiots)
	+ GBM
	+ MMS
	+ P9
	+ PP
	+ TSI
* GBM\*\*DP
	+ MMS
	+ PP
	+ SD
* MMS
	+ DP
	+ GBM
	+ RIP
	+ SD
	+ TSB
* P9
	+ DP
	+ PP
	+ SD
	+ TSB
* PP
	+ DP
	+ GBM
	+ P9
	+ PT
* PT
	+ PP
	+ TSB
	+ TSI
	+ RIP
* RIP
	+ MMS
	+ PT
	+ SD
	+ TSB
	+ TSI
* SD
	+ GBM
	+ MMS
	+ P9
	+ RIP
	+ TSI
* TSB
	+ MMS
	+ P9
	+ PT
	+ RIP
* TSI
	+ PT
	+ RIP
	+ SD
	+ TSI

## Who's Hot, Who's Not?

Charts are color-coded on the website but only if you read on your computer/tablet. Nothing has color on mobile.

Scoring Over Last Three Weeks
 Sweet Dee
 Paddock 9
 The Shotti Bunch
 Pain Train
 Papa's Posse
 RIPDab
 Duck Punchers
 ma ma momma said
 The Stupid Idiots

Momma heating up a little, moving from 10th to 9th, while Idiots has cooled down even more and is now the lowest scorer over the last three weeks.

Sweet Dee continues to rise, from third to second on the hot chart. Mattness likewise moves up, from fourth to first, creating a mismatch this week between the hottest team in the LOC and the coldest.

## The Commissioner's Cup

The Commissioner's Cup is an annual award given out to the winner of the LOC regular season. The team must either have the most wins or be tied for the most wins and own the points tie-breaker with any other teams sharing the record.

Before the 2018 season, there was no direct acknowledgment of the accomplishment. The 2018 Commissioner's Cup was the first such instance of an award being given for the achievement. And by award we really just mean a chart. 2011-2017 Commissioner's Cups were retroactively given. Six different franchises, including teams that have since changed names, have won the Commissioner's Cup.

Duck Punchers (4) has won the most Commissioner's Cups. No team has won consecutive Commissioner's Cups. Four Commissioner Cup winners have gone on to win the Glory Bowl, including Shotti twice.

## Playoffs??

Part of me misses the 13-week season. It feels natural that things should be coming to a close. But if that were the case, we'd have seven teams fighting for six spots. Pain Train and RIPDab would be out of the running (along with Duck...remember Duck you guys?). Instead, we have two weeks left, and nine teams still alive. So maybe it is better we have 14 weeks. Hell, let's make it 15 weeks. Wanna get nuts? LETS GET NUTS!

After beating Papa in week 12, Mattness has officially clinched a playoff spot. Additionally, we can say for sure **Mattness will finish as a top-5 seed**, even if he loses out. Why? Because even if Sweet Dee, Idiots, and Momma all win this week to take their records to 7-6, the week 14 matchup between Momma and Idiots precludes all three from reaching 8 wins. And since Papa is 5-7, the best the 6-seed can finish is 7-7.

This is also why I am confidently **locking in The Shotti Bunch for a playoff berth**. He will finish no worse than 7-7, but has a scoring advantage of nearly 300 points over Idiots, 200 points over momma, and 150 points over Dee. To lose out, and have those three combine for 5-1, and be outscored by all of them, is too far-fetched to consider a possibility.

But that does not mean 7-7 is an automatic in. In fact, it is still possible for five teams to finish 7-7, and only four of them can make the playoffs.

At the same time, the door is still open for a 6-win team to make the dance. But it involves a lot going the way of RIPDab and/or Pain Train.

### Magic Number

A Winning Magic Number is the number of consecutive upcoming games a team must **win** to guarantee winning a given playoff spot. These take into account scoring differentials deemed to be significant.

^ - Means Team will Finish Better Than this Playoff Spot

X - Means Team Cannot Win This Playoff Spot

Number - Indicates the total number of upcoming games the team must win in order to guarantee this spot.

DNCD - Means team Does Not Control Its Destiny, and thus even after winning all remaining games they need help from other teams, be it with scoring or victories

(B) - Indicates First Round Bye Clinched

(P) - Playoff Berth Clinched

### Elimination Number

An Elimination Number is the number of consecutive upcoming games a team must **lose** to guarantee losing a given playoff spot.

^ - Means Team will Finish Better Than this Playoff Spot

X - Means Team Cannot Win This Playoff Spot

Number - Indicates the total number of upcoming games the team must lose in order to guarentee losing this spot.

MW - Means team Might Win this spot even if they lose the rest of their games.

* - Indicates first round bye

### Week 13 Playoff Scenarios

* The Multiverse of Mattness Clinches a BYE with:
	+ **Win** and
	+ **Loss** by The Shotti Bunch
* The Shotti Bunch Clinches a top-3 Spot with:
	+ **Win** and
	+ **Loss** by Sweet Dee, momma, and Idiots
* Sweet Dee Clinches a Playoff Spot with:
	+ **Win** and
	+ **Loss** by momma and Idiots
* Ma ma momma said Clinches a Playoff Spot with:
	+ **Win** and
	+ **Loss** by Papa's Posse
* The Stupid Idiots Clinches a Playoff Spot with:
	+ **Win** and
	+ **Loss** by Papa's Posse
* Papa's Posse is Eliminated with:
	+ **Loss** and
	+ **Win** by Sweet Dee, Idiots, and Momma
* RIPDab is Eliminated with:
	+ **Loss** *or*
	+ **Wins** by Sweet Dee, momma, and Idiots
* Pain Train is Eliminated with:
	+ **Loss** *or*
	+ **Wins** by Sweet Dee, momma, and Idiots

## This Time Last Year... (2022 Week 12 Standings)

Last year 8-4 got you first place, this year that is three games out of first. On the other hand, 7-5 got you anywhere from 2nd-5th place, while this year there is just one 7-5 team and they sit in third.

## Above and Below

A chart to track how many games above/below projections for each team.

RIPDab continues to over perform and under deliver.

## Absolute Standings

Absolute Standings tracks the standings if the top five scoring teams won every week regardless of matchup.

### 2023

Sweet Dee continues to ascend in both the Absolute Record and the Regular Standings.

## Trade Tracker

### Nacua for Kupp

Starts (Paddock 9):

* 7

Starts (RIPDab)

* 8

### Monty for Howell/Mostert

Starts (Paddock 9):

* David Montgomery - 2

Starts (Papa's Posse):

* Sam Howell - 1
* Raheem Mostert - 2

## Power Rankings - Week 13

* APT = Record against Playoff Teams
* L3 = Record over Last Three Games

### 1(1). Paddock 9 (B) 11-1

* APT: 5-1
* L3: 2-1

It's a bit shocking that only half of Paddock's games have been against current playoff teams, but that should not take away from his 11-1 record as he has still faced the 2nd-most points against in 2023. This week he is at risk of taking a second loss as he's forced to roll out Marvin Mims who might as well be called Marvin Mum because I imagine he will have a quiet day. He's also forced to start Dameon Pierce who earned his name because every time you have to start him you feel like you've been stabbed through the heart.

### 2(3). Multiverse of Mattness (P)

* APT: 4-3
* L3: 2-1

Similar to Paddock, Mattness is still somehow dealing with byes for key players. This week, after benching Brandin Let Me Cooks, Mattness needs to roll the dice with Elijah Poor and hope that he finds it within himself to be a semi-competent football player for four quarters against the Rams. At least they have Brandon "Jack" Aubrey, who has MASTERed the field goal and given Mattness a COMMANDing lead. I know this joke is going to land like crazy for Pat.

### 3(2). The Shotti Bunch (P)

* APT: 2-5
* L3: 2-1

The Shotti Bunch Indiana Jones'd his way to a victory against RIPDab after stealing the hopes of Nate and replacing them with a sand bag. And that tracks because he's been sandbagging us all season, lowering our expectations and lulling us into a false sense of security while really his team was building strength and getting ready to explode right in time for playoffs. His 2-5 record against playoff teams might be another red herring, and a win this week puts him in a strong position to claim the bye from Mattness.

### 4(5). Sweet Dee

Like the Aztecs of yore, Sweet Dee had no force but to perform a ritual sacrifice in order to appease Glorio and she did just that by starting Miami defense against her own New York Jets on Black Friday and letting them lock in another all time failure of a Thanksgiving play in order to grant her team fantasy points that she desperately needed. The Fail Mary may not have been the difference against Momma, but it certainly helps in what could come down to points tie-breaking at the end of the year for the 4th-6th spots, and it also gives her an inside track to potential swoop in and claim the 3-seed, though a 2-seed will need some stars to align.

### 5(4). Papa's Posse

Papa Magic took a hit against the streaking Mattness in week 11, but already this week we have seen DK Metcalf turn into a MetBull as he bucked the Cowboys off him in Dallas and proved that this wasn't his first rodeo. He may need another big game bow from the Sun Gawd and A little somethin' somethin' from Courtland Sutton. And now would also be a great time for that Mostert trade to MoSTART paying off, as so far he hasn't gotten an incredible difference in output from him over David.

### 6(6). Pain Train

* APT: 1-6
* L3: 2-1

Played so well and had the win on his bench four times over, with the most obvious start/sit error because the benching of Zay Flowers for Josh Downs. But it's not all bad news for Pain Train, as they still have a good shot at making it to 6-6 and hoping for some help. Tank "Give 'em Hell" Dell has been a force, and the hookup with CJ Stroud is one of the best in the game right now. There might be some issues at defense, where they have to hope Tampa Bay can find a way to keep Carolina at bay after Detroit ruined Thanksgiving Day.

### 7(7). Ma ma momma said

Momma has not been fairing well since entering the Gauntle of the Gods, dropping games to three of the first four former champions that they've faced. But this week they decided to actually start the better fantasy QB and Dak Impresscot came through vs. Paddock 9. He also got some help from his old friend Stefon Diggs, who was once a momma said guy but people forget. Diggs opted to take the week off instead of facing Momma, a sign of loyalty that has to have P9 fans a little nervous. The only thing standing in Jared's way now is if he has decided to take the weekend in Europe, which we all know is a cursed land for LOC.

### 8(8). Duck Punchers

The kind of year that tests the fortitude of man is almost at an end, and Duck can at the very least play spoiler over the next few weeks as literally everybody they face will be a playoff contender due to the fact that they are the only mathematically eliminated team. Of course the strength of their team has been RB and they head into week 12 without the two-headed monster of Taylor and Walker. But they are facing RIPDab who hates to win.

### 9(9). The Stupid Idiots

Has not won a game since he said he would prove me wrong about his low ranking. Since then he has continued to drop in the rankings every week and only holds on to the 9th spot because the team below him also refuses to win by any means necessary. Against Duck it was a top-to-bottom failure of a game, from Barkley turning into Saquon Barley because he hardly put up any points, to Romeo Doubs turning into Brutus because he stabbed Idiots in the back for trusting him, to Chris Godwin acting like Chris Human because nothing he did was special.

### 10(10). RIPDab

Already spoke about how this team was so close to being right in the thick of the hunt, but got undid but a couple small bad decisions.

## Matchup of the Week: Papa Magic vs. The Return of the King

We are all feeling it. Darkness creeping back into the forests of the world. Rumor growing of a shadow in the East, whispers of a nameless fear.

There is no denying that Shotti is having his best season, maybe since his final championship. And while it is locked that he will be in the Festival of Champions, the thought of him having a bye should send shivers down everybody's spin.

On the other hand, you have the force of good in Papa the White, a wizard who year after year is able to capture a glint of the magic that propelled him to a 2011 trophy. Why he is able to catch fire in November every season is beyond me. Some residual energy, left behind by the days of yore. But he has done it yet again and already has a huge head start in this pivotal matchup.

While the Shotti has as huge edge in the all-time matchup, take a closer look at the trends of late. Shotti has not won both games against Papa in a single season since 2017. Since then, Papa has a winning 5-4 record against the Bunch. This year, Papa is down 0-1 after running into a 300+ points buzz saw, but the tides may have already turned for this rematch.

Papa can play spoiler and potentially knock Shotti out of a bye spot, while Shotti has a shot at eliminating Papa.

Papa's entire team goes on Sunday, with SNF sending out the rare RB/Kicker stack of Pacheco/Butker. And then Monday night it will be all eyes on Calvin Ridley as he potentially looks to come back and snuff out the magic for the Posse.

## Conclusion

This is a pretty rare week 13 for the league. If Idiots, Momma, Dee, and Shotti all win, the six playoff teams are all locked in heading into the grand finale. If the opposite happens, chaos reigns supreme and we have one of the most wild final weeks in recent memory. I know what I'm rooting for!

Enjoy and see everybody next week for what is, somehow, the final week of the regular season for fantasy. Boy did this year go by fucking fast.