Bill Cravy

"Snitches get riches."

Charlene

Track

Athletics

## **Biography**

**Bill Toiletman Cravy** (Drew Tarver) is one of the hosts of the Teacher's Lounge and the Spanish teacher, lunch lady, and coach of Men's Basketball and Track at Hamilton High School. He is one of the founders of and the current Head of the Art's Program at Levi's 401 Jeans Presents Swine High School.

#### **Pre-Podcast**

Bill is father to a 15-year-old daughter who is either illiterate or a bold racist, but Mr. Cravy hopes it’s the former.

Mr. Cravy used to coach various NCAA college basketball teams simultaneously but was fired for a violent on-court outburst when he threw a tray of hot lasagna at a referee's face. This was a pre-meditated attack as Bill baked the lasagna before the match with the sole purpose of throwing it at any referee who made a call against him.

Bill is, famously, very tough on the teams he coaches and is not afraid to publicly shame his players, even going so far as pulling down a poorly performing boy's pants and underwear during a game and spanking him on court. This cavalier attitude to coaching may be partly inspired by the fact he drinks heavily during every game he coaches. He has also been known to sabotage opposing teams using such tactics as gas leaks and poisoned lasagnas. One quite troubling couching tactic saw Coach Cravy attempting suicide in order to motivate his team, but he only ended up horrifying them and shooting off his ear.

One year, although Hamilton's basketball team had not competed in the state championship, Bill rushed the court, cut down, and stole the state championship basketball net using a ladder which he now has in his bathroom so that he can urinate from the highest point possible.

Mr. Cravy is a competitive boogie-boarder and the inventor of the 'rash-creator', or 'sandy shirt', an item of clothing aimed at the 14 members of the competitive boogie-boarding community who famously like to show they've "gone raw" by displaying a severely beaten up chest.

#### **Season 1**

In Season 1, Mr. Cravy was the Men's Basketball coach at Hamilton High School. Despite losing his job at the NCAA, Bill's reputation allowed him to demand a substantial salary from Hamilton High School who fired their Spanish teacher in order to accomodate him. It is for this reason that, in addition to basketball, Mr. Cravy also teaches Spanish (although the only Spanish word he knows is “baño”).

Bill was ultimately fired, not only for his lack of coaching and Spanish abilities, but also for an "inappropriate dinner" where he snuck the basketball team of 16 and 17-year-olds to at the restaurant Cooters (an 18-and-up establishment). After his termination, Bill was rehired by Hamilton High School as a lunch lady while in disguise as a previously married British woman named Bethany Hart (a persona he had created for his work with the Better Business Bureau). Bill's beard grows very quickly and he therefore had to shave while preparing food at Hamilton High School resulting in stray beard hairs ending up in the food. Bill mashed the hairs further into the food to conceal them.

As Bethany Hart, Bill went on a date with an oblivious Todd Padre who was trying to make his wife jealous. The date consisted of a limo ride (driven by Sam Weatherman), a meal at Scrotes (Bethany's favorite restaurant), and oral sex preformed by Mr. Padre (which did not tip him off to the fact that Bethany was Bill). During the date, Todd paraded "Bethany" in front of the house of his ex-wife Leslie who attempted to reveal Bill's identity to an uncomprehending Todd. His identity was finally revealed to Todd when Bill's woman's wig accidentally fell off. Despite his blown cover, Bill went on a second date with Todd as Bethany Hart (who was very much in love with Todd). Again, Todd attempted to show "Bethany" off to his ex-wife.

Halfway through a game, the new coach of the Hamilton Men's Basketball team got sick and Bill (as Bethany) took over and led the team to an astonishing victory. Revealing that Bethany Hart (not Bill Cravy) was a great basketball coach. Bethany would go on to take the basketball team to the region championship game and where they would win against Hamilton's rivals the Fighting Bibles.

To aid with his appearance as a woman, Bill had lines and numbers tattooed on his face to make the application of makeup easier (à la paint by numbers). Additionally, because Bill could not afford estrogen pills, instead bought ostrichgen pills from the zoo. These pills resulted in Bill's neck elongating, his buttocks widening, and his body developing wings and feathers. He also took to sleeping standing up with his head in a hole and eating his own eggs.

He also took a job at the DMV as Bethany Hart's sister Valerie Hart. After Todd broke up with Bill as Bethany, he began dating Bill as Valerie. Including the Hart sisters, Bill had six different female alter egos all of whom were dating different men in Hamilton, which he claimed was all in service of winning basketball games. One of Bill's alter egos, Charlene, was a schizophrenic with seven multiple personalities including a homeless man (who's dating a woman) and an airboat employee. Bill was on multiple concurrent dates during the ill fated "This Is Gay" themed prom.

As the only Teacher's Lounge host still employed at Hamilton High School after prom, Bill snuck Todd, Sam, Howard, and Stephanie AIDS (whom they had kidnapped) into the school to record Episode 6. At the end of that episode, Bill and the other hosts decided to make a break for it in the Ford Bronco that Todd had borrowed from his friend OJ Simpson and elected Sam to be their getaway driver. However, Bill requested they stop at his 2 hour Karate class with Ray Coufus first. When the FBI showed up to their recording, Bill and the hosts all kissed Stephanie and put their plan into effect. Todd, Sam, and Howard all got on Bill's back as he made a run for the Bronco.