Clarence

> *"FUCK YOU GUYS!"* - Clarence, quitting the Sapphirian Army
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The man known only as **Clarence** was an ordinary soldier with the Sapphirian Empire, and an extremely angry man who is done with everyone's shit. Due to the absolute absurdity that is everyday life in Sapphiria, Clarence has abandoned his post in Sima Cao; he is currently AWOL, his whereabouts unknown.

## Biography

### Clarence: The Early Years

Clarence was a common young man before being drafted into service, working on a farm with his family from a young age of 6 years old. He was wide eyed and had high expectations. He eventually found a love interest during high school; of course, it was Bethany, the most popular girl at the school. Clarence was confident though, and he knew that he would try his best to make her his. However, something was odd to him, something he noticed pretty early on in his life; him and Bethany seemed to be the only ordinary-named people in the entire school. He had a bad feeling about it, but he decided to shrug it off and continue about his life.

In his senior year, Clarence finally worked up the courage to ask Bethany out. Much to his dismay, he was immediately shot down; Bethany had already been dating someone since the beginning of the year, and he was much larger and scarier than he was. Clarence was heartbroken, but it was only the first of many, many setbacks for the poor man. He was soon drafted into the military right after he graduated, and his slow descent into madness would soon follow afterwards.

### Clarence: The Military Life

Clarence led a rather normal military career, joining fresh out of high school and being a patriot and all that. He was a sharp-shooter and damn good at his job. The unfortunate fact of it all was he was unlucky as hell, and this reflected poorly on his team members. On almost every single mission he was sent on, most of his squad would die in the line of duty. Clarence became known as "The Black Cat" of the service, due to his undeniable bad luck and how his presence most assuredly resulted in the death of everyone around him. In fact, by some mad stroke of shitty luck, Clarence managed to accidentally bomb his home base, killing hundreds. Clarence was quickly reassigned to desk duty after that mishap.

All this misfortune, it began to wear Clarence down. It was clear to him that he was not the main character of his story; he wasn't even a supporting character. He was more like that one extra who only shows up for 3 seconds and is never seen again. Or a reverse red shirt or something; there had to be something better than this. Clarence decided to leave the army and join with the royal guard, which would inevitably lead to his breaking point.

### Clarence: The Final Straw

By joining the royal guard, Clarence was assigned to defend the capital city of Sima Cao from foreign threats. This was the most unfortunate timing of all, as he was stationed there the same day that Jasper invaded, shelling the city and killing thousands. "No", he thought to himself. "I will persevere." And he did, for about three days. There came another act that proved to be the point that broke poor Clarence. It was an intense marital spat between husband and wife that tipped Clarence over the brink, and he had finally had enough. He knew that it wasn't his fault all of this was happening; everyone else was just an asshole, and he was done with their shit. Clarence marched straight into the royal palace, right where a meeting between the gods was taking place. And he shouted, long and hard.

"OK..OK.. I get this is war and such. But seriously. I was minding my own business and two fucking people fell out of the sky..." He cleared his throat and pointed at everyone at the meeting. "THAT is some of the shit WE see. THE NORMAL soldiers, Jesus Christ." The male took off his name plate that was attached to his armor and tossed it across the floor, it read Clarence . "You know what? I fucking quit! PEOPLE! No...A MARRIED COUPLE WAS HAVING A SUPER HUMAN FIGHT! 5 GOD DAMN FEET FROM ME!" Clarence's voice was clearly shaking.  Before he regained himself. "I SHIT! MY FUCKING PANTS! No...just no." Clarence pointed at the new comer. "YOU SEE THIS! RANDOM FUCKING PEOPLE OUTTA NO WHERE!" Clarence threw his hands up and walked away. "FUCK YOU GUYS!"

Clarence promptly quit the royal guard, and hasn't been seen since. Some say that he appears at random, just to yell at stupid people. Others say that he has transcended his human form and become a being of pure hatred. The world may never know what truly happened to Clarence, only that he's still out there.

## Appearance

Clarence appears as an ordinary man of average build, age and height. His hair is slicked back, black in color. His attire consists on whatever the hell he feels like, though it typically revolves around some combination of plaid shirts, khakis and loafers. The most defining feature about Clarence is his eyes; one look into them and you can see an infinite spiral of intense rage and anger, the likes of which could not possibly be contained within a single person. They're there, though; likely to stay for the foreseeable future. Also, Clarence wears a permanent scowl as he is always fed up with everyone around him.

## Personality

At one point, Clarence was a perfectly average man with a bright future ahead of him. After many bad turns in his life, it chipped away at his sanity until finally breaking him. This has turned Clarence into an angry and spiteful human being; he usually includes at least 3 curse words in every single sentence, and never seems to have a volume that goes below shouting. Clarence seems to hate just about everyone, though is extremely angry towards the "hero" characters that always seem to be at the center of all the bad shit that happens in Sapphiria. It is exceedingly rare to see Clarence exhibit any emotion besides pure rage, though one might surmise that it is possible when he is alone. The world may never know the truth about Clarence.

## Trivia

* Clarence's favorite color is olive drab.
* Clarence's favorite food is crepes.
* Clarence's favorite type of music is Soft Jazz.
* Clarence's favorite type of shoes are loafers.
* Clarence's favorite type of shirt is button-up plaid.
* Clarence's favorite type of pants is Khaki Shorts. They make his junk feel free.
* Clarence's favorite animal, and one of the few living creatures he doesn't hate, is the duck. It is his belief that they understand him, due to the silent rage that they harbor within them.
* Clarence is fluent in a language he prefers to call "Scream Speaking". He insists that he's the only one in the empire who both speaks and understands it.
* When not dealing with soldier duty, Clarence has various hobbies; these include building model ships, baking and watching sunsets.
* Clarence has many dislikes: gods fighting, demons, monsters, flying people, flying monsters, crazy magic voodoo shit, and other inane bullshit that tends to happen in the empire.
* Clarence was forced to watch a wife and husband beat the absolute shit out of each other. This promptly caused him to leave the army.
* Clarence's doctor once told him to take anger management classes. Clarence proceeded to punch his doctor in the face.