recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
Chav Rat

An artist's impression of Chav Rat sitting on the train

**Chav Rat**, sometimes known simply as **Rat**, is a heavily pregnant human-rat hybrid who currently resides with Our Mate.

## Biography

### **Early life**

Chav Rat is actually a duchess and member of the British aristocracy.

### **Bebo**

Chav Rat was having a cigarette outside Wilkinsons when she was approached by a group of people who informed her they were groundbreaking scientists from Bebo. They asked her if she wanted to take part in an experiment involving cross-species genetics. She put her cigarette out, spat out some phlegm, and then agreed.

The aim of the experiment was to cross her DNA with that of another animal to create a superhuman, a human with extraordinary abilities and powers. However, due to poor communication, her DNA was merged with a rat. From then on, she has gradually been receding into a rat.

### **Modern day**

Chav Rat now resides with Our Mate in his flat. She lives in an large toy house, where Our Mate has to sleep with her as well. He finds the sawdust extremely uncomfortable, as well as the sound of her and Ratty's snarling noises as they sleep as well as the sound of Chav Rat's litter suckling on her teats.

On rare occasions, Chav Rat will become conscious of her hideous state and beg Our Mate to kill her. She'll then snap out of it and return to her unpleasant self.

Whenever Mate goes out on a binge, he'll usually get back to the flat around 2am. Chav Rat will be woken up by his drunken knocking and will throw her dressing gown on and berate him when she opens the door, reminding him angrily how late it is.

Chav Rat is passionate about fitness. She has a Fitbit, and enjoys going to the gym and jogging. She also enjoys getting glam and going on nights out with the girls - The Girl Who Shouts Mandy and others - on the town. How she ever pulls anyone is a mystery, but they're probably extremely drunk.

Alongside Mandy and Maria, Rat is one of the members of crime-fighting group Jude's Angels. They undertake missions assigned to them by head of British Intelligence Jude Law.

## Relationship with Our Mate

Though Chav Rat resides with Our Mate, and the two are believed to be in a relationship, it is suggested that Rat is literally just abusing Mate's kindness. The offspring of Chav Rat, Ratty, is thought not to be Mate's.

Chav Rat and Ratty require a lot of maintenance and care. They need to be taken care of as though they are rats, but all the supplies need to be slightly more excessive because they are larger than an ordinary rat. Mate is forced to spend a fortune on sawdust and rat mix. He also has to spend a lot of his time clearing up their droppings that they often leave round the flat.

### **Eurovision Song Contest 2011**

In 2011, Chav Rat attended theEurovision Song Contest 2011 with her friends in Düsseldorf, where she was horrified to see Our Mate perform live on stage, and is reported to have 'booed' and moaned whilst rubbing her swollen abdomen.
Basingstoke

**Basingstoke** is the largest town in the modern county of Hampshire (Southampton and Portsmouthbeing cities). It is situated in south central England, and lies across a valley at the source of the River Loddon.

It is notable in the world of Boot-humour for being the default location of any event where the location hasn't been specified.
Poor Kidd

**Poor Kidd** (rhymes with orchid) is the older brother of New Kidd and son of New Kidd's Mother.

Poor Kidd is, according to his mother, a failure. Whenever New Kidd is under performing in any area of his life, New Kidd's Mother will use Poor Kidd as an example of the negative effects his despondency and lack of achievement could have on his life, telling New Kidd that "yOU doNt wANna End Upp LIke Ya'BrOTHER".
Welsh language

### Native speakers

Wales: 874,600 speakers (29.0% of the population of Wales), England: 110,000–133,000 (estimated), Argentina: 1,500-5,000, Canada: L1,<3,885, United States: ~2,235 (2009–2013) (2017), Space Leeds: more than 1 billion organisms

### Language family

Indo-EuropeanCelticInsular CelticBrittonicWesternWelsh

### Official language in

Wales, Space Leeds

**Welsh** (*Cymraeg* [kəmˈrɑːɨɡ] or *y Gymraeg* [ə ɡəmˈrɑːɨɡ]) is a Brittonic language of the Celtic language family. Originating in Wales, it is now a minority language in its mother country. However, for some unknown reason it is the *lingua franca* of Space Leeds.
Saturday 29th September

On the **evening of Saturday 29th of September**, McCauliffe hosted one of her famous Shed Parties, but natrally only invited Spears along.

The duo kick-started the evening by visiting the orton branch of Starbucks, to try out the Pumpkin Spice Latte, just becuase it keeps on popping up in memes and seemed like a white thing to do. However, as the two aproached the drive through, they began to question if the prodcut was even sold in the UK, and the panic became manic laughter as they pulled up the the booth. McCauliffe found it hard to steady her speech when she asked if she could have two Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Luckily however Starbucks did do them, and they didn't look like proper twats.
"All Hands on Deck Day"

**"All Hands on Deck Day"** *(SWE: "Alla händer på däckdagen")* was a ridiculously busy day which took place when Spears and McCauliffe visited Sweden in August 2013. The day focused around visiting multiple places around the island of Djurgården in Stockholm within a short amount of time. These places included The Nordiska Museet, Vasa Museet and Skansen, three of Stockholms largest and most popular attractions.
Girl Who Shouts Mandy

The **Girl Who Shouts Mandy** is a stereotypical Essex girl who works at the Bebo Studio. Her name derives from the fact that she always calls her co-worker Mandy's name to tell her about some gossip that is going around the office, usually involving her.

She has been engaged four times, inviting her co-workers along to each hen-night where they have to adorn sashes and plastic cocks. She always ends up cheating on her fiancées though, usually with The Bloke who shouts Andy, and she is usually the first to spread her own rumours, like Shannon, back at the work place.
Derek the Experiment

**Derek the Experiment** was grown in a test chamber in Bebo Laboratories as an experiment to create a superhuman, boasting special abilities such as heightened strength, stamina and speed. He looks identical to Derek van Dorenkamp (And as he is already a twin, also identical to Eric van Dorenkamp). Though he has capabilities no other human has (asides maybe Mandy), He never uses them, and instead lives at home, self-employed (Perhaps a Photographer, or sells craft projects he's made on his Etsy shop) - in a council house in Basingstoke. I imagine him with a tube-like appendage (Similar to what MewTwo has), attaching his head and his back for no reason.
Barbra McCauliffe's trip to casualty

McCauliffe once cracked one out so vigorously she suffered from aggressive heart palpitations which resulted in her spending 5 hours in A&E strapped to an ECG monitor all night, and missing a day off college the following day.

## Boot embellishments

As McCauliffe was in the hospital bed, a nurse and a doctor came up. The doctor was McCauliffe's kind of snack, chubby and tousled. She was hooked up to a heart monitor, and as the doctor walked in the monitor started to spike and McCauliffe's heartrate went up again. Not because she was in any kind of life threatening situation, but because she was so turned on.

The doctor immediately called for assistance and a flock of other doctors burst into the room. To McCauliffe's joy, these doctors were chubby too. She was surrounded by men with bellies. As her heart monitor starting to go wild, the doctors made it much worse by fussing over her and pressing themselves nearer to her body. McCauliffe was so moist that a concerned doctor, spotting the leakage, took her clothing off to investigate what was happening. Another doctor, reaching over her to get something on the other side of the bed, brushed his belly against all her sensitive areas.

The heart monitor was about to explode, and no one could understand what it was that was triggering it.
Adam

**Adam** is a former student of Bushfield Community College (alumni 2010), and archenemy of Lääplääpläas without even realising it. Though that is all that is known about Adam as he just kind of exists, he serves as a great irritant to Lääplääpläas after Lääplääpläas discovered Adam appears to be immune to all of his antics and plots to harm him.

## Biography

### **Childhood**

Adam was born in Peterborough. At some point when he was a baby, Lääplääpläas appeared at his house and tried to kill him. However, he was unsuccessful. The attack was deflected and Lääplääpläas' powers were seriously weakened. From this moment on, Adam has remained untouchable to Lääplääpläas for some reason.

Adam then went to Orton Wistow Primary School, and then Bushfield.
Båker

Early Concept art for Båker in his trademark Viking Helmet

**Båker Scandinavia** is the Danish varient of the Scandinavian Humanoid Charcters. He still thinks the Vikings are the main force in the world, and wears a Viking Helmet proudly on his head.Tthough the smallest of the Scandinavian clan, Båker is prehaps the most aggressive, staying as closly linked to his animal-like behavious, than the others.
Choreless Children

The **Choreless Children** is a name for Edgar Spears and Barbra McCauliffe that refers to the fact they do almost no chores around their respective homes. Their parents take care of almost everything for them. They are technically extremely spoilt. Basic chores they don't do include laundry, cooking and any DIY tasks.

 Unable to change a light bulb
Barbra the Elf

Barbra the Elf (portrayed by Warwick Davis) fleeing the scene through Barbra McCauliffe's garden

## Relationships

### Friends

Rumptatumpskin

**Barbra the Elf** is a mischievous elf that has taken the form of Barbra McCauliffe. Barbra the Elf is a playful nuisance around McCauliffe's home, and is roughly 3ft.

Although unconfirmed, it is believed Barbra the Elf is actually a shapeshifter and can turn itself into anyone.

## Origin

On 22nd October 2020, Barbra McCauliffe recorded a video of herself running up and down a path by the side of her house in slow motion. Edgar Spears took the video and added some unusual edits, including adding a bloom effect on her ass.

When he played it back at a normal speed, it created the appearance of a small, impish creature, and thus booting began.

## Portrayal

Although obviously portrayed by McCauliffe herself, in the world of boot Barbra the Elf is actually performed by Warwick Davis.
Boot-humour Wiki

Gotta go dentist man.

Click for a Surprise

## **Welcome to the Boot-humour Wiki**

---------------**RANDOM PAGE**---------------

* **All pages so far**
* **Wanted Pages**
* Recent Activity
* Categories
* **Pages without Categories**
* Pages without Links
* File Uploader

## **On This Day**

**30 of January in (wiki)History...**

Template:History:January 30

*(Example of page name: **Template:History:January 1 - then create a non-article**)*

## **Popular Pages**

* Lääplääpläas
* Our Mate
* Eric van Dorenkamp

* **Events and Incidents**

## **To Create// Work on**

* The Day Trip to Sweden - 16th March 2012 - Byggar Bob - Building a house on a childrens game,
* Stockholm 2013 - Casual Chas, Blue Peter, All hands on Deck Day
* Japan 2016
* Split-Screen Phonecalls
* 1980s film, with jazz club in an alleyway with smokey vents and cats on a fence, lady in a dress enters a bar (The Working Hour - playing)
* Foxton Locks
* Foxton Locks School Trip
* Jack Charters Crew Member 'Bootleg Bill' docked at The Granary Tavern - 6th june 2018
* **Charters Ship**
* Skegness 2018

## **Achievements**

- Harry Potter
Alieaphobia

**Alieaphobia** is hostility to, prejudice, or discrimination against aliens. A person who holds such a position is called an **alieaphobe**. It is considered a form of speciesism. Alieaphobia may be manifested in many ways, ranging from expressions of hatred of or discrimination against individual aliens to mobs, state police, or even military attacks on entire alien communities.

Many alieaphobic tropes include questioning the alien community's loyalty to Earth, a perceived desire to enslave humanity, abductions and probing. Experts believe this is in part because of the negative portrayal of aliens in popular culture and the media, especially prior to their arrival.

Alieaphobia has existed in human society long before aliens arrived on Earth. Aliens are the targets for many conspiracy theories that are widely regarded by the community as alieaphobic, from aliens being behind the construction of the pyramids of Giza to aliens providing arms for Hitler.

## Notable Aliens

* Derek the Alien
* Matt
Jack Charters

**Captain Jack Charters** is a pirate based in Peterborough and captain of the *Charters* boat pub currently docked on the River Nene.

## Biography

### **Characterisation**

Charters has a peg leg, an eye patch, a full beard, a hook for one of his hands and a few golden teeth. He wears a large coat embroidered with gold detail over a poet shirt (sometimes called a pirate shirt), dark trousers and one large boot on his remaining foot. He always has his parrot, Kraken, perched on his shoulder.

He has a conventional 'pirate' accent, a stylised West Country accent. He commonly says phrases such as "argh", "shiver me timbers", "avast ye" and many other common pirate phrases.

### **Sexuality**

Charters is the first pirate in recorded history that is openly gay. He likes to flirt with and ask many men who board his ship to “shiver me timbers”. This has earned him the epithet the 'Gay Pirate'.

## Career

### ***Charters*** **ship**

Charters is the captain of his eponymous ship *Charters*. Whenever he docks at Peterborough's River Nene, he opens it up to the public and it becomes a tavern. This helps him pick up new men after his many months spent at sea.

### **Scurvy Crew**

* Arrrr Matey
* Bootleg Bill

### **MET Lounge**

Charters will occasionally visit the MET Lounge for a night out with the crew. Due to the floor's sticky nature, his wooden leg sometimes comes loose.
Barbra McCauliffe's Quiz

## McCauliffe's Quiz

Screenshots from Edgar Spears' WhatsApp Desktop of McCauliffe admitting she hasn't finished her quiz

### Cost to sell

*Unknown*

**Barbra** **McCauliffe's Quiz** is an unfinished quiz created by Barbra McCauliffe for the Squad's weekly quiz Discord chat.

On 15 May, McCauliffe was commissioned with making the next quiz for their next Discord chat on 22 May. However, she has consistently failed to complete it. She explained to Edgar Spears on 5 June that she has had all the time in the world to do it, and therefore she cannot think of a suitable reason as to why she hasn't. She followed this up with a WhatsApp audio note, saying:

> It’s been – what – the third week in a row that I’ve had time to finish it? And have I? *(laughs)* I mean I wouldn’t mind but I’m not doing anything. I’m literally – well at the moment I’m on the loo doing a poo but… *(laughs)* I’ve had so much time to do it. And I haven’t.
>
>

It is unknown what questions are contained in this quiz that make it so special.
Boot Philharmonic Orchestra

The **Boot Philharmonic Orchestra** is an orchestra that often accompanies many boot sketches and scenes by providing live music and sound effects.

They often appear below wherever the scene is taking place, similar to how orchestras in the West End or at the opera perform.

The Orchestra often plays scores composed by the legendary producer Hams Zipper , and is usually conducted by the Woodlouse Conductor.

## Known members

* Hams Zipper
* Woodlouse Conductor
* Patient Violinist
Zook

**Andreas 'Zook' Harrison** was Nicholas' first fake boyfriend.

Born in Sweden, Zook has one older brother, but it was such a long time ago I can't remember what his name was. He was a punk in appearance but was said to have had a softer side. Like all imaginary boyfriends, Zook was in a band and played bass guitar and the drums.

Nicholas used Zook in a not-particularly-funny practical joke against Eloise, who would ask her 'how Zook was' and when she would get to meet him. Of course this was never going to happen so Nicholas would just palm of excuses. Nicholas got her friend Tim, known as 'magical---trevor' online to do a voice-over as Zook for a birthday message on Youtube. Michael came up to Nicholas the following day to tell her Zook was fake and sounded too american. Though she denied it this was the most accurate statement she had ever heard from Michael.

Zook was killed off when Nicholas got an actual living boyfriend in 2008. She point-blank told Eloise in a Science lesson that 'Zook was a fake the whole time'.
Boot Humour website breach of January 2021

On 13 January 2021, **the Boot Humour wiki was hacked** and a page was edited with bizarre content unrelated to anything boot. Spears was the first notice; he received an email about an edit on the Boot Humour wiki by an account that was neither him nor McCauliffe. They edited a now deleted page about a teacher from Bushfield. The identity of the hacker remains unknown to this day.
Bun (hairstyle)

The **Bun** is an iconic hairstyle worn by Barbra McCauliffe on her 'in-between-days' and is heavily featured in a number of Boot sketches and events which McCauliffe's character participates in. The bun is probably best recognised from the Barbra the Elf video.

It is positioned high on the head, with all the hair tightly scraped up so there are no loose strands. There, it forms a doughnut style that is wrapped around a concealed mesh hair "rat".
Boot-humour

**Boot-Humour** is this weird-ass humour which possess Spears and McCauliffe. Its form takes many varieties, from real life to an obscured reality where they torment a colourful collection of made up characters. Boot-Humour also features its own pseudo lanaguage.

Boot humour makes up approximately 99.9% of conversations between Spears and McCauliffe. In fact, they dedicate so much of their time together developing boot concepts they both openly admit they actually don't know that much about each other. For example, McCauliffe only found out around two or three years that one of Spears' favourite films ever is *The Wizard of Oz* (1939). Conversations about their separate lives are very rare, especially when it comes to their interests outside boot.

## Etymology

The term 'boot' originates from a time when McCauliffe and Spears were laughing about the shape and curvature of an imaginary boot (as in the type of shoe) while they were in Ferry Meadows. From then on, boot became the name of this particular type of humour only Spears, McCauliffe and Arachnid Mohammad share.
Jonas Monteague

Status by Barbra McCauliffe about Jonas, with his first name spelt incorrectly

**Jonas Monteague** is a minor character who works at Waterstones Bookshop in Peterborough. In McCauliffe's head, Monteague is fucking gorgeous.

As of March 2018, Monteague has had a particular interest in the Stock Market, and called McCauliffe back to discuss the 'economic repercussions' of something after he noticed a missed call from her.

## Biography

### **First appearance**

Monteague's first appearance was in a Facebook status by McCauliffe. In the status, McCauliffe claimed that her, Edgar Spears, Lewis Barański's older brother Jakob Józef Barański and Monteague were having a 90s disco.

> 90's disco with da boyyys! Harry Jones @Jonas Monteague Jakob Józef Barański :D
>
>

He was created by McCauliffe there and then, and the status received two likes. One from McCauliffe and one from Spears.

### **Waterstones**

Monteague became a sort of minor character in Spears and McCauliffe's life. Whenever they used to go on their trips to town, they would mention to whomever they were with that they "must visit Jonas" and see if he's working that day at Waterstones. Funnily enough, he was never there.
New Kidd

New Kidd (left) as he appears in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone video game

## Relationships

### Parents

New Kidd's Mother

**New Kidd** is a new employee at the infamous Bebo Studio.

## Biography

New Kidd lives at home with his mother and his older brother Poor Kidd. New Kidd's relationship with his mother is difficult to understand, as his mum is actually made up of a load of low quality clips of actress Clare Perkins.

New Kidd has newly graduated from university and currently works at Bebo.

## Bebo

### **Interview**

New Kidd's interview was with Boss himself, which is surprising considering he is rarely there. Actual interview questions made up about 5% of the interview. The rest of the time was just Boss having 'banter' with New Kidd about how he was a ladies' man when he was younger and how useless his staff are apart from his flame Mandy Plimpton.

When the interview finished, New Kidd left via the main entrance to the car park. As he walked across the expanse, he noticed Our Mate in the baking sun washing a car with a ragged flannel and a rusty old bucket that was leaking. The number plate read 'B055', clearly suggesting it was Boss's car. As New Kidd walked past Mate, they both caught each other's eye. New Kidd smiled sympathetically and nodded. Mate responded with a disheartened, defeated smirk.

### **Space**

On his first day working at Bebo, he accidentally fell into the portal that exists in the kitchen by the cupboards. As he tumbled through the inter-dimensional hollow boring its way through the fabric of the universe, he briefly ended up on a staircase in the version of Hogwarts depicted in the *Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone* video game on PlayStation 1. He can momentarily be seen running past Dumbledore, who is greeting Harry Potter by a staircase. He spent a few hours in Space Leeds until he was safely returned by Derek the Alien.

## Relationships

### **Mother**

As his mother is essentially a YouTube poop, he struggles to have conversations of any worth with her. Whether it's through her bad memory, or through the fact whoever is editing her cannot find a sample of Perkins saying 'work', his mother seems to be under the misapprehension that her son is still at school.
Judi Dench

**Judi Dench** is a screenshot of the actual actress **Judi Dench** from when she appeared on an episode of BBC’s *The Graham Norton Show* in 2013. The screenshot was uploaded on to the **yeet1993** Instagram page on November 11th 2018. For some weird reason however, on both Nicholas’ and Jones’s phones, the image of Dench remains at the top of the feed, regardless of how many new posts, or refreshes the page has had.
Events of 19 January 2019

The **Events of 19th January** were an array of events...my bad, force of habit... was a pretty uneventful ordeal where everything went smoothly. The day was themed around going to see the indy band The 1975 at the O2 Arena in Greenwich. Nicholas and Jones were more excited however to stay in the Rubens at the Palace Hotel, becuase they had spent an actual fortune on it.
Red Alert

**Red Alert** or 'Code Red' is an emergency action which requires urgent evaluation of the Boot Wiki, resulting in either page deletion or complete deactivation by either Edgar Spears or Barbra McCauliffe.

## Protocol

*{{ This section is Classified for the protection of the Boot Wiki Founders and does not involve a trip to South America. }}*

## 13th January 2021

On the 13th January 2021, at roughly 12:30 noon - Spears discovered some automated emails from the Boot Wiki in his junk emails, alerting him that two unknown users had contributed to a page on Spears' and McCauliffe's fandom site. He raised a **Red Alert** with McCauliffe's at 12:33 to urgently alert her of the breach. The Hackers, referred to as 'Geek' and 'Beef' were noted to have 'contributed' to a page about at a funny geography teacher that Spears and McCauliffe had known at skl.

Stepping into action, Spears’ began removing certain ‘provocative’ pages, as well as the page which Geek and Beef were said to have contributed to. McCaulliffe also began checking through all the wiki site’s privacy and protection information, blocking both the unknown users and beginning the gruelling task of making every page on the wiki only editable by Speares and McCaulliffe.
Forgotten Boot

This is a page dedicated to **Forgotten Boot** characters, events or tales.

## Examples

### **Emperor Huing Xing & Sister Sledge**

On the 3rd May 2014, McCauliffe posted a medieval Chinese illustration of a man without a comment. Spears commented 'Emperor Huing Xing II' in response, so it was assumed this was who the portrait is of. However, after a quick Google search this might not be the case. After this, McCauliffe commented and linked to the Sister Sledge track "Frankie" and states how she was listening to it whilst looking at the image. Why this was related is a complete mystery.

### **Glitter and the Impossible Client**

On 4 May 2014, Spears posted on McCauliffe's Facebook wall a message that read "My name is Glitter and I am the Impossible Client". McCauliffe replied by hitting Spears with the pahahas, so she obviously understood what was being referenced at the time. What the fuck this means now is anyone's guess.

### **Flaming steaks**

On 23 August 2012, McCauliffe posted on Spears' wall a message in all caps that said "DON'T KEEP ON ABOUT THE FLAMING STEAKS". After seeing it appear on his Facebook 8 years later on the same day in 2020, Spears asked McCauliffe if she knew what she was on about. She confirmed that she didn't have a fucking clue.

## Non-Boot Examples

Here is a selection of Non-Boot items that have been removed from or lost in time.
80s Film

***80s Film*** is a proposed live-action film created by Barbra McCauliffe and Edgar Spears. Its theme is a homage to 1980s-style cinema reimagined for a modern audience. Unfortunately, it will most likely be produced by Bebo Studio.

## Premise

While little of the actual story is yet to be fleshed out, it is set in the 1980s with a focus on a downtown Jazz bar. Illuminated by neon lights and the soft glow of the lampposts outside that blur through the steam rising from the vents, it follows an attractive woman in a dress who's come to the bar either to work or for leisure.

She is spotted by a handsome man, either in a suit or in a biker jacket, who can't take his eyes off of her. This scene all takes place to the song "The Working Hour" by Tears for Fears.
JLS Mug

The JLS mug used for tea

The **JLS Mug** is a mug that was purchased during Spears and McCauliffe's visit to Skegness in August 2018.

Spears and McCauliffe were roaming around Skegness looking for the Aunt's shop when they came across a shop (which I cannot for the life of me recall the name of).

McCauliffe spotted this JLS mug, featuring an image of band member Aston Merrygold (ironically a Peterborough celebrity) with a 'My Prince Charming' slogan. It made the pair laugh because of the image's dreadful jpeg quality, appearing to be made by someone on Deviantart.

There was also a Justin Bieber mug. McCauliffe bought both of the mugs, telling Spears it was "[her] treat". The shop allowed you to get the mugs engraved with a name, so McCauliffe also got them engraved.

Spears regularly updates McCauliffe with Snapchats of the mug in use as requested by her.
Góng

**Góng** is a dwarf drummer, who unintentionally has to follow Qīng Chóng Sally. When Sally has finished her proverb Góng hits his Drum and Sally disappears.

## Biography

### **Characterisation**

Gong is 470mm tall, and is actually actor Warwick Davis in offensive prosthetics made to make him appear more East Asian. The prosthetics were provided by Bebo.
Graham Norton quotes

**Graham Norton quotes** refers to clips from episodes of *The Graham Norton Show* that are frequently quoted by Barbra McCauliffe and Edgar Spears. These clips overwhelmingly seem to focus on established, well-respected older actresses.

What is interesting about these quotes is that both McCauliffe and Spears knew them without consulting each other about them first, so they had been drawn to these moments separately. This has been seen as even further proof of the theorised telepathic link they share.

## Episodes and quotes

### **Judi Dench going to Heaven**

During episode 4 of series 14, Graham shared his sofa with Sir Elton John and Dame Judi Dench. This clip in particular is arguably the most quoted by the boot pair, and contains numerous quotes.

#### **Quotes**

Graham: "Now, Judi, do you still go clubbing? Do you still cut a rug?"

Judi: "D'you know I've never ever been to a club in my life. Yes, quite!"

Graham: "Judi Dench, you lie like a rug"

Judi: "Oh do I?"

Graham: "I bumped into you in Heaven!"

Judi: "Oh yes you did! Absolutely true"

Elton: "Fag hag."

Judi: "They took us in through the back door!"

Graham: "Wouldn't they."

Elton: "[gesturing to Graham] Story of her life. I'm gay and I've never been to Heaven. And I'm never getting there either. That's astonishing. Why were you there, for heaven's sake?"

Judi: "That's a good question too!"

Graham: "You were there to see Cher."

Judi: "What?"

Graham: "You were there to see Cher. The singer Cher."

Judi: "Oh yes that's right!"

Apparently comedian John Bishop was in this episode somewhere as well.

### **Miriam Margolyes meeting Laurence Olivier**

During series 18 episode 15, Graham was joined by icon Miriam Margoyles, Matthew Perry and Gemma Arterton. Miriam shared an unforgettable story about the time she was star struck when she met Laurence Olivier.

#### **Quotes**

Miriam: "I remember so distinctly... that I started to *cream* in my knickers. That is true! D'you know what I mean?"

Gemma: "I know *exactly* what you mean."

Matthew: "I honestly don't think I've ever been more uncomfortable in my life. I think that's the worst moment of my life."
The Cholera Epidemic of 1854

Official Poster from the Original Production

***The Cholera Epidemic of 1854*** is a West End musical based around the events of the 1854 Broad Street Cholera Outbreak.

The disease is often personified by a large puppet of a hooded skeleton, similar to the Grimm Reaper featured on the 1912 cover of French Newspaper *Le Petit Journal.* Opening in the West End of London, it starred Dutch-English singer and personality Eric van Dorenkamp, who originated the role of John Snow.

## Plot

The plot is based around the historical events that took place in 1854 during an aggressive outbreak of cholera in the Soho district of London, England. It focuses on John Snow, the English physician who identified the source of the disease through a water-pump in Broad Street, and his conflicts with the 19th century way of thinking on how disease was spread.

## Notable Songs

* John Snow, What Do You Know
* Something in the Water
* The Busty Bar-maid song "have a beer theres no Cholera here"
* The large romantic number, Jon confesses his love to some dying woman he loves.
Grieving Babushka

A screenshot from the video of the Grieving Babushka

The **Grieving Babushka** (Russian: скорбящая старуха) is an elderly Russian woman who was seen hysterically grieving about something in an Instagram story by Barbra McCauliffe. The video inspired a laugh-athon akin to the "Lovely Day" song incident.

## Origin

McCauliffe and Edgar Spears had just had a long conversation about how they performed imaginative play whenever they were having baths. McCauliffe sent Spears a video of how she acts when she is summoning and then releasing her powers in her mind. McCauliffe then sent Spears an edited version, and Spears remarked that she looked like an "hysterically grieving babushka".

McCauliffe ran with that, and soon made a video of her shrieking in cod Russian with Russian subtitles. She then added it to her Instagram story.

### **Instagram story**

McCauliffe put it on her story, hoping it would gain significant exposure. Because of its impact on the boot duo, she decided to upload it again the next day twice. She then messaged Alex H and Callum in the Squad chat, asking them via voice note whether they had any feedback on the story. To ensure they knew which story she was talking about, she deleted her other stories that involved an edit of her in the tank at an aquarium.

## Reception

The video caused a laughing fit that was comparable to the "Lovely Day" song incident. McCauliffe and Jones spent the entire evening and the next day laughing about it. In fact, they had to prohibit themselves from watching it in order to protect themselves from laughing.

A huge part of what made the video so funny to the boot duo was the fact that McCauliffe's followers would view the story without any context, not like the context made it make any more sense. When she asked the Squad chat for feedback on the story, Alex replied saying he "didn't get it" and Callum made no reply whatsoever, probably just thankful it wasn't anything that involved his face being crudely edited onto something strange.
Tubby Tuesday and Fit Friday

**Tubby Tuesday** and **Fit Friday** refers to a rather short lived event that took place twice in a standard week - a Tuesday and a Friday - where pictures of men that either Barbra McCauliffe and/or Edgar Spears perceive to be attractive are sent to the other. The idea was conceived by McCauliffe when her and Spears were on their weekly Couch to 5k run, and officially started on Tuesday 30 June 2020 and Pretty much ended after a month.

Tubby Tuesday took place every Tuesday and was McCauliffe's day, where she would send Spears a picture of a man *she believes* to be attractive. Its name derives from McCauliffe's predilection for *tubbier* men.

Fit Friday took place every Friday and was the day Spears would send McCauliffe a man he finds attractive. Spears' tastes are more conventional, hence the name *fit*.
Mat

Mat (Avoiding using surname incase he ever googles his own name), and yes, Mat with one T, is an actual piece of meat who Barbra McCauliffe ~~attempted to have relations with~~ wanted to bed in late 2017.

Whilst browsing the trash on tinder in October 2017, whilst travelling down to the South Coast on a mini-break with her parents, McCauliffe encountered this dark haired ex-emo fitty sitting at a drumkit in a black tanktop. McCauliffe’s ovaries exploded immediately and swiped right so fast she nearly burnt the skin off her finger. To her joy, the app alerted her that he had liked her too. He resembled a slightly chubbier Jason Brody from Far Cry 3, which McCauliffe was so totally down with. He had dimples too. FFS White trash.

The two began chatting instantly, and it wasn’t long before he gave her his number so the two could chat properly without tinder crashing. He couldnt have been more perfect, not only aesthetically was he ticking all McCauliffe’ boxes, but also shared so many interests with her, including cars. He owns a Honda Civic, and a 1984 Honda XF... my god.

Talking about Japanese cars the conversation quickly led onto japan, where he had also visited. He had done quite a bit of travelling. He admitted that he had to stay in a hotel rather than a bedowin tent, which McCauliffe couldn’t have agreed more too. Mat even sent her some photos of his travels.

Other interests he shared with her included a love for dressing up, Music tastes, and food. Plus his surname was the same as Nathan’s from Uncharted, so how more perfect could you be.
Trumpet Video

***'The Trumpet Video',*** is a short film featuring Jones and Nicholas laughing hysterically at a picture of Nicholas' at-the-time Boyfriend, set to a clunky brass beat. The Video was recorded on July 20, 2011 whilst Jones was at Nicholas' house.

The music seemed to perfectly suit the appearance of Nicholas' boyfriend, and using a printed image of him as inspiration, Nicholas and Jones simply recorded themselves literally ROFLing at his face with the Mexican Tuba music in the background, whilst surrounding the screen with other images of his face.

The music used was from a youtube video posted August 20, 2008 by a user *gumago.* The video entitled 'MEXICAN TUBA´S TRUMPET PLAYER' features a thick-set man playing the Tuba to an upbeat bass beat. **The original Video can be seen here**.

The original photograph, titled 'desmond' has sadly been lost.
Exotic van Dorenkamp

Exotic van Dorenkamp

**Exotic van Dorenkamp** is just one of many from the expansive van Dorenkamp family. Unlike his less physically appealing relatives, Exotic van Dorenkamp is extremely attractive. He is a tall, dark, olive-skinned Mediterranean dreamboat. Imagine someone like Enrique Iglesias, basically.
Forgotten Lake

The **Forgotten Lake** is a lake in Ferry Meadows. Its notable characteristic in the world of boot is that both Barbra McCauliffe and Edgar Spears always seem to instantly forget what its name is once they learn it. They make frequent attempts to retain its name when they go on their runs, but always somehow seem to end up forgetting.
Grandpa Dorenkamp

**Grandpa Dorenkamp** (born 14 March 1920) is a World War II veteran and grandfather of singer, actor and television personality Eric van Dorenkamp. He only appears in Eric's flashbacks when he is asked 'why are you like this' when behaving erratically.

Grandpa Dorenkamp is seen as a decorated war hero in the eyes of his community. He currently resides in a nursing home. He also was a television personality in the 1970s, and naturally because of this was a paedophile and sex pest. However, unlike many 1970s television personalities, Grandpa Dorenkamp has not been brought to justice, and it's unlikely that he ever will.

He has a disturbing relationship with his grandson Eric; Grandpa Dorenkamp is the only person Eric is frightened of, both psychologically and sexually. Grandpa Dorenkamp has been known to rape Eric. It is unknown if he has ever mistakenly raped Derek. Or maybe even the other Derek. He is old.

The rest of the Nursing Home community were in on Grandpa's rapey tendencies, but chose to turn the blind eye or even help Grandpa get Eric on his own, usually distracting Eric's mother Agnetta van Dorenkamp when she was out of the room. He is known among the staff as the 'Saville that got away'.
"Lovely Day" song incident

The **"Lovely Day" song incident** was an incident that took place on 12 October 2017.

McCauliffe and Spears planned to see *Kingsman: The Golden Circle*. As they were arriving, they referenced Macy Gray's song "I Try". The song is one that the pair have found humour in. They sat down and watched the film, with few interruptions or boot references. They enjoyed the film, but the thought of "I Try" resurfaced and they began to sing it. They then moved on to singing Bill Withers' "Lovely Day", another song pertinent to Spears and McCauliffe for its humorous appeal.

This is when everything went a bit fucking insane. The song elicited such immense laughter that the pair were left howling in their seats. McCauliffe screeched and Spears' eyes were filling with tears. They eventually managed to haul themselves out of the room, still giggling about the song.

On the way home, McCauliffe started to reimagine the song as instrumental. Her rendition was supposed to play in the background at the cinema, which endowed it with a more tinny quality. This didn't help. McCauliffe and Spears were animated into a sequence of uncontrollable laughter and hysterics. They both struggled to concentrate, and McCauliffe had some difficulty driving in her current state. In fact the duo later revealed that they both actually thought they were going to die that night due to suffocation, and the potential of a road traffic incident.
Bike Ride to Stamford

The **Bike Ride to Stamford** by Barbra McCauliffe and Edgar Spears took place on 5 August 2011. It started out as an innocent bike ride between two friends, but it developed soon into an utter nightmare due to the fact that McCauliffe thought that Stamford was closer to Peterborough than it actually was.

## Timeline

The journey started as a typical bike ride between Spears and McCauliffe usually resulting in a trip to Deliverance Way, a random bit of road outside of Castor which leads to a small lake.

The duo normally sing this song "Deliver Us" which was featured in the 1998 DreamWorks animation picture of *The Prince of Egypt*, whilst cycling along this road. It was at the end of this road where Spears admitted that he hadn’t been to Stamford for awhile, so they proposed cycling there as McCauliffe thought that Stamford was less than 16 miles away.

This was a regrettable decision. The duo battled through a dual-carriageway, chatty locals, and a brief appearance of a fox.

The two eventually arrived in Stamford after 5 o’clock in the afternoon when the shops has started to shut. Exhausted and rather underwhelmed, the two decided to try and get a bus back to Peterborough rather than face the long-ass journey again. But as they quickly discovered no bus driver would allow them to enter the vehicle with their bikes. McCauliffe decided to call her dad to come and collect them instead and after a little bit of negotiation and silent treatment he reluctantly agreed to come and get them. The two sat in silence outside of the grand Burghley House park gates and contemplated the error which they had made that day.

”Is he mad at us?” Spears was said to have uttered to McCauliffe, of which she reassuringly replied “oh no, it’s only me in trouble, don’t worry!’. When McCauliffe‘s father arrived the two then faced the most excruciatingly awkward and quiet drive home they had ever encountered.
Boot HQ

**Boot HQ** is a small prefabricated office building which runs Boot Humour. Its only employee is Anthony who acts as Edgar Spears' and Barbra McCauliffe's personal assistant. The building consists of a small main officer, which is inhabited by Anthony, and a slightly larger waiting room, where characters wait to be called into sketches, or read through sketches. Anthony will call them through...(I guess) to a studio where the sketch is taking place. This is so hard to write about because we are dealing with a fake real-world that runs productions for a fake world.
Indie Band

## The Indi Band

They're slowly starting to take off.

**The Indie Band** are heard often on the BBC Radio One Live Lounge, covering hits from Eric van Dorenkamp.

It is suggested that they share similarities with Dorenkamp's band in the 80s, worryingly for the Indy Members.

I dunno about you harry but my god they look so fit in my head.
Agnetta's Boyfriend

**Agnetta's Boyfriend** *(I'm sure we'll come up with a name at a later stage)* is Agnetta van Dorenkamp's current partner. He is very handsome - often referred to as a daddy and a silver fox - and, on the surface, seems devoted to Agnetta. However, he is actually gay and has only remained close to Agnetta because fancies her son Eric van Dorenkamp. Unfortunately for him, Eric is not actually gay, refuses all his advances and is taken with someone else: his own mother. Derek, the actual gay one, has a huge crush on Agnetta's Boyfriend.
Coronavirus pandemic 2019-20

The **coronavirus pandemic 2019-2020** (November 2019 – present day) will one day be a hit musical starring Eric van Dorenkamp, but for now refers to an outbreak of a new and currently untreatable disease known as **COVID-19**, (lovingly referred to as Miss Rona) Not to be confused with Pandemic, husband or wife to Endemic, the disease is causing worldwide panic, but also some respite for those who now don’t have to think of a reason to get out of going to parties they don't want to go to.

## History and epidemiology

### **Origin**

Media and news outlets have reported extensively how the virus originated in the city of Wuhan, China, leading to some even calling it the "Wuhan virus" or "Chinese virus". However, the virus actually originated in the Bebo lab. It is believed a virus being contained in the lab interacted with a bottle of Corona that The Bloke who shouts ANDY left there one night after stumbling into work hungover. It reacted with the Corona and mutated into the new virus.
Couch to 5K

**Couch to 5K** is an app from the NHS which Edgar Spears and Barbra McCauliffe attempt to do on a Tuesday and a Thursday. They have been attempting these runs since June 2020 but have only really managed to get onto Week 3 of the course. They are unlikely to reach their target as, on the 6 October 2020, it was decided that they would go on an indefinite hiatus from Couch to 5K.
Råker

Early concept of Råker

**Råker Scandinavia** is one of the Scandinavian Humanoids who is considered to be the original Our Mate. Blessed with bad luck, Råker finds it hard to get work due to his animal instincts taking over in stressful situations. Råker is however married and could even have children.

## Biography

Though disputed, Råker began life on the Årland Islands, a small collection of.. collection of... Islands! Had to think there!.. Within Swedish and Finnish waters. Though, there has been an on-going dispute over which nation actually owns the islands, it is falling in and out of being its own nation itself, so its best to just think that Råker comes from Iceland instead.

How Råker came into being is unknow, likley that it was simular curcumstances to Lääplääpläas though.

Unlike Lääplääpläas though, Råker is often seen conceiling his characteristic Scandinavian Humanoidish ears and tail, and has even had some surgary to reduce the size of either. Under stressful conditions however, such as important meetings, or job interviews, his more animal insincts manage to take over, and his ears and tail almost seem to reappear, dispite his best efforts to keep them hidden. His nails become more claw-like, and his teeth sharpen. He usually returns to his more human-like form at the end of the stressful event, usually hearing the bad news.

Råker is prehaps one of the only Scandinavian Humanoid's, asides from Lääplääpläas' daughter Jenny, to have successfully met and settled down with another person. Råker infact is married and is likley to even have children. His wife is blind to his animal-like flaws and is even supportive when he has a 'breakout', stating "we can get through this together".
Korean Nosbit

## The Korean Nosbit 노스빋

Team GB practicing on the Nosbit

**The Korean Nosbit** (Hangul: 노스빋 *no-seu-bit*) is the name of a competitive sport played at the Olympics. The sport originated in Matley Park, and it has no link to South or even North Korea. The Nosbit is a large nest-seat made out of thick ropes which come together to form a mesh, or 'the nest'. The team make up two individuals an occasionally a supporting member to aid with the first boost swing. The participants must swing their legs backwards and forwards to gain the highest swing, but with causing the seat to swing all the way over. The winning team is th team which swing the highest within the allocated time. The swinging technique is called the *Thrust Throglar (*추력-트흐로글라).
Leprechauns (YouTube series)

Thumbnails from two of the Leprechaun YouTube videos

***Leprechauns*** is a four-part series uploaded to YouTube by Thom's YouTube account theCATisEATINGmyFACE on 20 September 2007.

Taking place in Peterborough, UK, it follows the story of Edgar Spears and Isaac as leprechauns trying to shield Spears from the 'paparazzi'.

## Production

### **Filming**

Shooting for *Leprechauns* was done around Orton, Peterborough in the Matley area. The shoot started by Lessingham and ended in a local newsagents. The camera used was an old Sony phone belonging to Thom the director.

### **Editing**

To achieve the leprechaun design, the video was actually just inverted using software that already existed on the phone. It was then uploaded directly to YouTube on Thom's account theCATisEATINGmyFACE.

## Cast and characters

* Edgar Spears as himself
* Isaac as himself
* Thom as the 'paparazzi'
* Ellie G as herself

## Episodes

### **List of episodes**

 2
 3
 4

## Reception

### **Critical response**

Reviews for *Leprechauns* were mostly positive. The first episode "Paperazi attack!" received mixed reviews with a rating of 2 likes and 2 dislikes. However, it received a positive review from YouTube user roseynick who wrote "Ha. Paperazi [sic]". However, "The Bush" received rave reviews, achieving 2 likes and 0 dislikes. The finale "The Shop" also received a strong reception with 1 like and 0 dislikes.