Jakenobi

The Eighth Jakenobi, towards the end of his life.

**General Kenobi, GeneralKenobiJSF, Jakenobi**, or simply **The General,** is an eldritch being that uses Doctor Who as a coping mechanism for past crimes. With a dark, mysterious history, Kenobi is one of the more reclusive members of **the Circle Jerk**.

## Origins

Little is known about Kenobi's life, though he likely began as a standard human living in the 40th century. Due to the numerous rewritings of history, this is now less certain.

## NMD Period

Kenobi was, for some time, an unknowing member of the **NMD Cult**. Not identifying with them by name, he nonetheless participated in similar activities and was likewise influenced by **the Elder Ones**. A notable activity was his creation of **Doctorwhy**, a wretched hive of scum and villainy, where he met his to-be son, **Truefan**.

### Tutelage of True-Fan

Truefan was a naive young boy at this time - his parents lost due to **the war against the Cheetah People-Sex Gas Alliance** - and he hung around some dodgy characters. Kenobi, equally naive, began to take care of him as they both believed they shared similar opinions regarding the current incarnation of **the Doctor**. Their relationship blossomed and, eventually, Truefan became a sort of son to Kenobi.

But, once Truefan grew up, Kenobi saw it was not so great after all. Truefan was a childish, evil creation, and a pawn at the hands of more powerful NMDs, like **Bowlestrek**. Kenobi began to grow weary of this Truefan, who now said much more controversial things. When he shared adult material of the Doctor, Kenobi finally realised the danger and disowned Truefan, placing a restraining order on him, and permanently barred him from the Doctorwhy tavern. Unfortunately, without his guidance, Truefan would only go down an even darker path.

## Time at the Church of Chadpaldology

Once he began to distance himself from the NMDs, Kenobi embarked on a spiritual quest that took him far away from the safety of his home.

## Regenerations

After timeline disruptions, Jakenobi became a Jerklord. He has always been a Jerklord.

### First

The First Jakenobi resembled Mark Gatiss' League of Gentlemen character Hilary Briss. Much like Briss, he wore butcher's attire and had a fondness for the 'special stuff'. He lived a long and fruitful life, and had a lot of character development, starting as an NMB and threatening to beat up cavemen. By the end of his life, he did not want to change and so held in his regeneration for as long as possible.

His regeneration speech was recorded:

> *Oh, there it is. Silly old server. The more I save it the more it needs saving. It’s a treadmill.*
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> *Yes, yes I know they’ll get it all wrong without me.*
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> *Well, I suppose….one more lifetime won’t kill anyone. Well, except me.*
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> *You wait a moment, Kenobi. Let’s get it right. I’ve got a few things to say to you. Basic stuff first.*
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> *Never be Chibs, never be Jodie. And never ever insult Chadpaldi! Remember – LEGO is always foolish…and Character Building, is always wise.*
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> *Always try, to be nice and never fail to be based. Oh, and….and you mustn’t tell anyone your reddit name. No-one would understand it anyway. Except….*
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> *Except….Discord users. Discord users can hear it. Sometimes – if their hearts are in the right place, and the stars are too. Discord users can hear your name.*
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> *But nobody else. Nobody else. Ever.*
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> *Laugh hard. Run fast. Be kind.*
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> *Mark Gatiss – I let you go.*
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>

### Second

The Second Jakenobi inexplicably resembled the Star Wars character San Hill. Little is recorded from this incarnation.

### Third

The Third Jakenobi was an anthropomorphic pig, giving him the nickname 'Pigman'. Many, including Cookie, consider him the best incarnation of Jakenobi. For this reason, he can be considered underrated.

He regenerated to save Benni, who had decided to walk into a toxic gas chamber. He was initially reluctant to do so, believing he had much more to give, but eventually after visions from the other Jerklords, he accepted his fate.

### Fourth

The Fourth Jakenobi resembled Steve Coogan's character Alan Partridge in the midst of his breakdown, complete with his fondness for Toblerones. Like all Jerklords, he regenerated as a result of the Mass Regeneration Event.

### Fifth

The Fifth Jakenobi looked just like Pierce Brosnan. He had a fondness for Radiohead Concerts, and disliked James Corden (moreso!).

### Sixth

The Sixth Jakenobi's face looked like Lou Reed's, but due to a freak regeneration had the body of a massive chicken. The call of Christmas forced him to regenerate.

### Seventh

The Seventh Jakenobi shared his appearance with David Bowie. Firstly, he looked like the Pierrot character, apart from sporting a Christmas hat. Early into his life, however, the Pierrot was forced to regenerate by a malevolent entity (perhaps the Anti-Benni). Fortunately, there was a mirror besides him, making him reabsorb the regeneration energy before the change could be completed. This resulted in the so-called '7.5th Jakenobi'.

#### 7.5th

This sub-incarnation was largely an older version of Pierrot, and was also known as **The Blind Prophet**. Due to the botched semi-regeneration was mostly blind, having to wear a bandage and buttons for eyes. He was, unfortunately, killed by the Pitch Game Doctor for starting too many pitches with 'The Doctor', forcing the botched regeneration to finally occur in full. He did, however, go out with a bang by singing 'Ashes to Ashes'.

### Eighth

The Eighth Jakenobi looked like Saul Goodman. Inspired, he became a lawyer. Later in life, he was approached by The Bowlestrek Doctor, who wanted to use his writing abilities to get him better stories. In a huge rant, he refused, screaming at Bowelstrek. The anger was too much, and he eventually gave in, regenerating.

### Ninth

The Ninth Jakenobi was the first, and currently only, female incarnation of Jakenobi. She had a fondness for offering people tea and resembled Mrs. Doyle, a character from Father Ted, complete with an Irish accent. One day, she cooked burgers for everyone in the midst of the Mad Time Lord Disease epidemic, and unbeknownst to her, the burgers were made from Drax Meat. As normal, she performed her taste test, but the toxicity was too much and she subsequently regenerated.

### Tenth

Jakenobi regenerated, but despite his regeneration, was still infected with Mad Time Lord Disease. This caused him to have erratic behaviour, and he was cursed with an unstoppable hunger and uncontrollable temper. He resembled the mukbang YouTuber Nikocado Avocado, and frequently uttered one his his catchphrases. 'I don't believe in salad!'.

## Mark Gatiss Phases

In a now null-timeline, another explanation was provided for why he resembled Mark Gatiss.

### First

Due to **the Flux Event**, whereby **Mark Gatiss** threw himself into his own time stream, spectres of the British actor and writer found their way across time and space, one of them fusing with Kenobi, causing much of his outward appearance to change. Kenobi was vulnerable at this time, having being exposed to an abundance of Mark Gatiss-related content, including **the League of Gentlemen**, Doctor Who (argh! He writes *and* acts? What an ego!) and other related series. Through the Flux event, the Gatiss-spectre fused with Kenobi at this point of vulnerability. He was close to taking hold of him, becoming self aware within Kenobi's mind and constantly demanded 'the Special Stuff.' Through belief in Benni, Kenobi took control of his body once again and was rid of Gatiss' influence. Or so he thought...

### Second

Several months after the first fusion with Gatiss, Kenobi began to panic when he noticed certain things were changing. It turns out that he had never rid Gatiss from his body and mind - in actuality, the Gatiss spectre simply retreated further within, where he remained until he regained the strength to take hold once more. This second occasion is much more cooperative; Gatiss has become something of a symbiote for Kenobi, and also keeps him grounded in reality.