If Condiments Were People

***"Is it because I’m black?"* — Black, "If Colors Were People"**
This content has mature content that may not be intended for minors or it may be offensive.

**Note**: Mayo said Wasabi slapped the “shizz” out of him. The word is the censored version of the Sh word. And One condiment said flipping, the censored version of the F word. Read with Caution.
This page was last edited on December 8, 2023, at 4:20:17.

## If Condiments Were People

What if ketchup, mustard, and mayo had their own Oscars?

### Director

Frank James

If Condiments Were People is the sixth episode of If Things Were People.

## Plot

Mayo says that this years contest is to see who is the better condiment on fries. Tartar Sauce wishes people would give him a chance they would see him great on fries. Steak Sauce tells him no one will choose him on fries and says people like him on steak. Tartar Sauce tells Steak Sauce if he believes hard enough before being cut off by Ketchup saying he has no chance of winning and says he is the obvious choice for french fries. Then he tells Salsa to stay out of the conversation and says there is a reason why restaurants charge for guacamole and give you out for free. Salsa tells Ketchup to shut it before he puts him in 57 varieties of pain. Mayo says he has won the award 3 times. Soy Sauce tells him nobody cares. Mayo sarcastically tells everyone to watch put for Soy Sauce and says he is salty for losing a award for best condiment packet in Your Chinese Food Delivery to Hot Sauce. Wasabi tells everyone to keep Soy Sauce’s name out from Mayo’s mouth. Mayo said it was just a joke. Wasabi walks to Mayo and slaps him in the face. Then every other condiment become shocked. Salsa says he wishes he could’ve done that first. Mayo said Wasabi slapped the “shizz” out of him. Hot Sauce gets shocked because he said a swear word. Mayo then says his sinuses has never been so clear. Hot Sauce says he thought he was spicy. Mayo then says now that he has been assulted and looks at Wasabi, then says who the prize will go to for best condiment on French Fries. Mayo opens the email paper and says the winner is Tartar Sauce. Ketchup complains about his win. Steak Sauce says he did it. Then music plays and every other condiment starts clapping. Dijon Mustard said that was weird. Soy Sauce says he was right. Tartar Sauce says he doesn’t know what to say and says he worked so hard to win then stutters. He then says he wants to thank his mom Relish. Mayo then realizes he read the wrong card. Dijon Mustard asks why would they make cards like that. Aioli says he will one day replace him. Mayo says the actual winner is Steak Sauce of the Fry Award. Everyone gets shocked and Ketchup complains. Tartar Sauce cries while Music and every condiment slowly claps. Steak Sauce says it has been a wild night. Tartar Sauce cries while everyone claps but then Steak Sauce says he wants to share his award who taught him the value of believing himself and shares it with Tartar Sauce. Tartar Sauce gets happy and music plays and everyone claps happy. Dijon Mustard said this is a rollar coaster. Steak Sauce says Tartar Sauce always comes through and does double duty with fish and chips. Ketchup says he is not crying. Tartar then says people put steak sauce on steak then it suddenly tastes good. Tartar Sauce and Steak Sauce then hug each other Wasabi says his career won’t be impacted in any meaningful way. Ending the episode.

## Characters

* Mayo
* Hot Sauce
* Dijon Mustard
* Soy Sauce
* Ketchup
* Tartar Sauce
* Steak Sauce
* Salsa
* Wasabi
* Aioli