All's Wellford That Ends Willy

***All's Wellford That Ends Willy*** is the twenty-eighth episode of *Off Book: The Improvised Musical,* and features guest Matt Gourley. It tells the story of a New England community struggling to keep their jobs out of the Mob's hands, and of the noble heroine who takes on the crime syndicate to save the town.

## Plot

### Act I

As the musical opens, the townspeople can be heard speculating. Many have heard the story of Wellford Willy, the shadowy heroine who supports local industry by stealing jobs from criminals ("The Ballad of Wellford Willy").

Down at the docks, longshoremen Mack and Dutch report for duty on their first day of work. Despite having both seen better days, they remain optimistic, convinced that the new job is just the beginning of their good fortune ("Good Times Are Forever"). Suddenly, a mysterious stranger appears. She warns them that, in fact, their jobs are at risk. Before they can learn more, she disappears. From her business card, the men learn that her name is Wellford Willy.

The foreman informs the dockworkers that their jobs have been taken over by a syndicate. The group heads to the local pub for the traditional meal of the recently laid-off. There, they are joined by Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, who has also lost his job due to a Mob takeover. A 9-year-old paperboy dies after consuming an inordinate amount of whisky. However, before expiring in a pool of spilled absinthe, he entreats the others in the room to save the town's jobs ("A Drink for All Occasions").

Two Mob enforcers, Bruno and Paulie, burst through the door and threaten to take the barkeep's job. However, he makes a case that making cocktails is actually far more complicated than the mobsters realize (Vodka & Whisky"). Bruno and Pauley are convinced, for the time being. They leave.

Wellford Willy appears at the bar to aid the townsfolk. Given the situation, she decides to steal the job of the Mob boss himself, in order to return all the other stolen jobs at once. This gives Mack an idea. The group gathers to hear his plan, but first has to confront Baron von Tingle, a rich noble who has somehow made his way to this meeting. He is ejected from the bar for being out of touch with the common folk. Mack explains his plan to use the bartender's job as bait to lure the Mob boss into Willy's trap. Willy approves ("Mothership").

### Act II

Baron von Tingle returns home to find his wife, the baroness, in a tupper over the bath water. She intends to punish the head butler, Rufus, with various switches, which prove difficult to access ("Which Switch?"). Following Rufus' punishment, the Tingles acknowledge his importance by formally adopting him as their son ("Tingle Jingle").

Just then, Bruno and Pauley barge in, this time threatening to steal the job of Tingle family heir from Rufus. They make an attempt to qualify for the position with a jingle of their own ("Tingle Jingle [Reprise]), but they are foiled by Willy's arrival. She out-jingles them both ("Tingle Jingle [Reprise 2]"). Before they depart, they warn that their boss, David Misterman, will soon arrive in town.

The Tingles offer Willy their thanks, as well as their Thingles (a rapier, a fan, and a shoehorn) to aid in the fight. With these gifts in hand, Willy returns to the pub to wait, inspiring the townspeople along the way ("The Will to Do Well for Them").

Mob boss David Misterman arrives at the pub, and reveals that he and Wellford Willy are actually twins. In a bold move, Willy calls out loudly for their mother, Margaret Misterman, who soon arrives via the chimney.

Margaret decides that the question of who should be Mob boss (and therefore control the job market) should be settled by a contest. The siblings compete in carpentry, welding, and mail delivery, and are evenly matched. However, on the final test, Willy is able to fire her brother preemptively, and thus emerges the victor.

Jobs are returned to the people, and the mobsters are all offered employment. The Tingles adopt everyone in the town. And Justice Clarence Thomas performs Willy and Mack's wedding ceremony ("Margaret Misterman/The Contest/She Will Do Well for Us").

**Show/Hide**
## Musical Cast

### Matt Gourley

* Singing Townsperson #1
* Mack, a longshoreman
* Sick newspaper delivery boy
* Bruno, a mobster
* Lady von Tingle
* Margaret Misterman
* Mrs. Tingle from *Teaching Mrs. Tingle*

### Jessica McKenna

* Wellford Willy
* Dock Foreman
* The Barkeep
* Baron von Tingle
* A horse

### Zach Reino

* Singing Townsperson #2
* Dutch, a longshoreman
* Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas
* Pauley, a mobster
* Rufus von Tingle, former head butler
* David Misterman, head of the Misterman Empire
* A horse
* A minister

## Songs

* "The Ballad of Wellford Willy" (8:24)
* "Good Times Are Forever" (11:40)
* "A Drink for All Occasions" (18:02)
* "Vodka & Whisky" (24:20)
* "Mothership" (29:55)
* "Which Switch?" (35:46)
* "Tingle Jingle" (0:00)
* "Tingle Jingle (Reprise)" (42:00)
* "Tingle Jingle (Reprise 2)" (44:50)
* "The Will to Do Well for Them" (49:48)
* "Margaret Misterman/The Contest/She Will Do Well for Us" (57:00)

Closing Song:

* "Porg City" (New Phone, Who Dis?) (1:09:10)