Yandere Hunts You Down

Yandere Girlfriend disguises herself as Lilico and tricks her boyfriend into visiting the castle.

## Transcript

{impersonating Lilico} Hi, darling! I'm so glad you could make it. Did you have a comfortable journey here? Oh, good. Don't be shy, come on in.

{normal voice} Wow! I am appalled, my love. You really thought you could just go and visit Lilico and her dumb, stuffy castle without my permission? Yes, it's me you dummy! Lilico has a very extensive wardrobe that spans the entire fifth floor of this place, so it wasn't very hard to steal her clothes and dress up as her. I don't know if you've ever noticed, but she doesn't really ever shut up either, so I hoped my impression of her on the phone would be rather convincing. Evidently, it was.

I wanted to see if you would turn up to spend time with another girl if you were asked. This was a test... and you failed! You know what that means... Well, um... I was thinking either I could hang you off one of the gargoyles at the top of the castle, or we could pretend that we are in Resident Evil and I could run around chasing you trying to cut your hand off! What do you think?

You've gone awfully quiet. You were so talkative on the phone before. I'm surprised! Hmm? Oh, no. Lilico is fine, she has gone out for a tea party with her housemate or something. I was invited, but I thought it would be much more fun to break in and finally materialize one of my genius schemes! Yeah! Aren't you impressed? ...Answer me.

Oh, don't bother running off... just come here and say sorry. If you're good i won't actually cut your hand off! ...I was kidding. Right! Yeah... I- I was kidding, darling. Come here!

{sound of footsteps running away and door closing}

Baby... what did I just say? Baby? Come out... I was only joking. Come here... let's go home and make Pinterest recipes. I can hear you breathing... BOO! Baby, that is a pathetic hiding place. Come on out, stop being silly. Hold my hand and I will let you have some lunch before we go home.

We take this step down... and we go down these stairs and then we- think we turn around here where there's so many gaurd doors... I guess the kitchen was somewhere- on the left, on the right- Oh. This dress is so ridiculous! I don't know how she gets anything done in these outfits.

What do you fancy for lunch, my sweet? Hmm? That was a trick question. The kitchen only has strawberries, macarons, and blood in it. Yeah. I know, gross right? You're supposed to eat macaroons the day they are born, now leave them in the fridge. Sit at the counter. I said sit. Good. Here we are.

Open your mouth and you can have some strawberries! Good job, baby. You know, clearing my day to teach you a lesson has really interrupted my band practice. Yeah. My band! My band, Shack Palette. Hello? Do you ever even listen to me? It's okay baby, I will train you to be a better listener.

You are perfect and you just need reminding of all your good qualities. Here, have another one. Yeah, funny story, I think I might have been the one to steal all those hospital blood bags for the fridge? Yeah. I mean I- I seem to remember breaking into a hospital at some point? I don't know. I was so crazy back then!

Oh my God, is that the time? We had better make a move before she gets home. I don't want to get caught again. Hold my hand baby, let's go- Oh? Is that a kitchen knife,darling? That could be dangerous, you put that down. Put it down. You could have seriously injured me darling, what were you thinking? That's enough from you today. If you can't keep your hands to yourself then I suppose you shouldn't be allowed to use them! Stop moving! Stop moving, baby. Shut your mouth.

There, there. All good and quiet.

{sound of footsteps running away again}

Oh, f- baby, this isn't funny... Baby, I will gut you like a fish if you don't come back out here this instant. Right now! Do you know how hard it was for me to build a life for us out here? You are being so ungrateful! Angel? Angel, where are you?

Oh, stop that baby. Look at yourself. You're exhausted. Why don't you just behave and be my good little baby? We could have been back home watching UFC on the sofa by now! Yeah. I know you're just confused. It's okay. Shh... I know, baby. Come on... Let's get in the car before you make more trouble for us. Come on my love. Good job.

**Vampire:** Oh, hello darling. What are you doing here? I thought you had work today. Are those my clothes?

**Yandere:** Oh... fuck. Don't mind me! I was- I'm just walking my dog.

**Vampire:** Oh... I see. Um, do you want to come in for a drink?

**Yandere:** Oh, no, no, no, thank you though! Duty calls.

Get in the car. Get in the fuckiing car, baby. Oh good God. You get some rest before we get home, my love. Close your eyes. You look so perfect when you're sleeping.

{Evalina begins humming and singing *After You've Gone* by *Hugh Laurie*}

> *Can't you see my tears
> Listen while I say
> After you've gone and left me crying
> Your heart will break like mine and you'll want me only
> Someday, blue and down-hearted
> You'll want to be with me
> Right back where you started
> After you've gone
> After you've gone away*
>
>