Dr. Jane Payne

*If you were looking for the book chapter named after this character, see "Jane Smith (book chapter)."*

 — Catchphrase

## Dr. Jane Payne

* Heitz
* McCauley
* Schick
* Allen

## Family

### Pets

Brussels
Sprouts

## Production Information

### Last appearance

"Jane Smith"

**Dr. Jane Payne** (née **Smith**) is a character in the *Wayside School* books. She does not appear in the cartoon. She is Jason's dentist and one of the worst students Mrs. Drazil ever had.

## Appearance

Dr. Jane Payne is described as having long fingers and even longer fingernails. Aside from this, little about her appearance is known.

## Personality

Dr. Jane Payne has been a poorly-behaved woman ever since her youth, when she would regularly insult Mrs. Drazil and avoid completing a number of homework assignments. This trait seemed to follow her into adulthood, where it is revealed that she regularly drills patients' teeth even if they are not in bad shape simply so she can earn more money. She appears to be lousy at her job, as a phone call in "Open Wide" reveals that she ended up pulling the wrong tooth on a child, but she earns a lot of money, as her job pays well. She is rude to customers that disapprove of her methods, telling them to "Rub a monkey's tummy with their head." She's also a hypocrite, telling Jason to listen to his teachers and do whatever they say, despite the fact that she didn't at all.

Dr. Payne is rich, owns a fancy silver-and-black sports car, and lives in a mansion with her husband, Sham Payne, her pet dog Brussels, her pet cat Sprouts, and her butler. She is greedy, caring more about the money she makes than her own husband, and regularly stooping down to unethical dental practices. She is shown to be paranoid of Mrs. Drazil, having a suitcase prepared for the exact situation that Mrs. Drazil would hunt her down for her poor behavior and missing homework assignments, something that actually ends up happening. She ends up running away, never to be seen again.

## Relationships

### Mrs. Drazil

    As a child, Dr. Jane Payne was a very poorly-behaved student, sending a long, insult-ridden letter to Mrs. Drazil before moving away, and regularly failing to complete homework assignments. As such, Mrs. Drazil kept a long, detailed section on her in her notebook, which eventually led to the demise of both of them. Dr. Payne is shown to be paranoid of Mrs. Drazil, holding a suitcase just in case she ever found her, something that does happen in "Jane Smith," and continues to insult her as she disappears into the forest. Dr. Payne scolds her husband when he helps to let Mrs. Drazil in, and willingly jumps fifteen feet off a balcony just to get away from her. Mrs. Drazil, in return, is shown to go to intensive measures hunting down Dr. Payne, breaking into her house with a ladder, and chasing her into the wilderness in a rowboat, never to be seen again.

### Jason

Dr. Jane Payne is Jason's dentist, as seen in "Open Wide." While examining his teeth, she tries to ask him many questions about his personal life, but he is unable to respond, as he has to keep his mouth open very wide. She seems to scan his teeth for spots that may have cavities, but Jason tries to avoid convincing her that he has any, as he doesn't want to endure more pain. In "Jane Smith," Jason sends Mrs. Drazil after her, but this is more-so to get rid of Mrs. Drazil rather than Dr. Payne.

### Sham Payne

Sham Payne is Dr. Jane Payne's husband. The two are said to love each other very much, but both of them love money more, she loves her animals more than Sham too. Jane is upset with Sham when he and the butler let in Mrs. Drazil, but before she's able to scold him much, she ends up running away.

## Appearances

Dr. Jane Payne appears in two chapters and is mentioned in another. Major appearances are listed in **bold**.

* "**The Blue Notebook**" (mentioned)
* "**Open Wide**"
* "**Jane Smith**"

## Trivia

* Despite both having Mrs. Drazil as a teacher, it is unknown if Jane and Louis ever knew each other. But probably not, as Louis had homework over fifteen years ago while Jane moved away twenty-six years ago.
* Her last name "Payne," is likely a reference to the fact that her dental procedures are *pain*ful.
	+ The full name of her husband is a pun on champagne, although he was never *directly* referred to as Sham Payne.
	+ The names of both her pets are a pun on brussels sprouts.
* It is never revealed what Jane means by "rub a monkey's tummy with your head", but it is implied that this is her way of saying "Screw you!" or "I don't care!".

## Gallery

"Open Wide" (2003)"Open Wide" (2004)"Open Wide" (2019)"Jane Smith" (1995)"Jane Smith" (2003)"Jane Smith" (2004)"Jane Smith" (2004)"Jane Smith" (2019)
## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 "Open Wide"
2. ↑ "The Blue Notebook"
3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 "Jane Smith"