Pilot

**Pilot** is the first episode in the first season of ***Life in Pieces***, which premiered on September 21, 2015.

## Summary

Firstborn Tyler having moved to college, Tim and Heather want a fourth baby 'to do it all right at last', but his rare shot at sex is ruined as she takes offense at anything he phrases too honestly. Penniless Matt has moved back home with dad John, whose tequila-in-tank trick only gets his derelict car running long enough to reach his unaffordable restaurant date Colleen, which still works out great as she was stood up as bride and he offers to come along trying to cancel her reservation. Cool uncle Matt helps Tyler cover up his 'drug stash' for the ex-cons charity moving company staff at Greg's new home. As Heather's weird gynaecologist predicted, she's off sex after peeking at her postnatal vagina, but 'the glove' gives Greg a last shot at resuming intercourse.

## Cast

### Main

* Colin Hanks as Greg Short
* Betsy Brandt as Heather Hughes
* Thomas Sadoski as Matt Short
* Zoe Lister-Jones as Jen Short
* Dan Bakkeddahl as Tim Hughes
* Angelique Cabral as Colleen Brandon-Ortega
* Niall Cunningham as Tyler Hughes
* Holly Barrett as Samantha Hughes
* Giselle Eisenberg as Sophia Hughes
* James Brolin as John Short
* Dianne Wiest as Joan Short

### Guest

* Jordan Peele as Chad
* Susan Park as Dr. Sally Hong
* Exie Andrade as Policeman (credited as Exie Booker)
* Stacie Greenwell as Delivery Nurse

## Plot

### First Date

Matt and Colleen arrive at her apartment after their first date, but when they go inside they are greeted by her ex-fiancé Chad. Colleen explains that she didn't tell Matt he would be there because then he wouldn't have come in, and Matt asks why Chad is there. Chad, holding his dog Princess, says that he lives there and to him and Princess the wedding is not off, so Colleen banishes him to his room. She tells Matt that they bought the place together but due to his IRS troubles Chad can't afford to leave and she can't afford to buy him out. They try to make it work but Chad watches them and cries from his room so Colleen suggests they go to Matt's place instead.

When they arrive Colleen is impressed with the house, until they are greeted by Joan and John who are watching TV in the living room. Joan compliments Coleen and asks if she would like a scoop of ice cream, which she has every night. Matt and Colleen leave the house, each eating ice cream and Matt says he'll drive Colleen home. They stop and hook up in the back of the car, but don't get very far before they are interrupted by a cop, who believes that Colleen is a prostitute.

### The Delivery

Jen delivers their first daughter Lark at the hospital, and poops on the delivery table. The next morning the nurse comes in to explain a few things to the new parents, she asks how Jen is feeling but Greg answers that his neck is hurting from sleeping on the couch. She gives them a few latext gloves to fill with water and freeze to help with pain relief and makes Jen promise that she won't look at her vagina until they come back in six weeks.

At home Greg struggles to put together a baby swing, when he hears a scream from the bedroom. He runs and finds the baby fast asleep, then sees Jen holding a hand mirror and realizes she looked. He tries to console her as she says that they may never be able to have sex again, and he says that Lark was worth it... right? They decide to try out the gloves that are in the freezer, and Jen makes Greg help with it because she doesn't want to look again. When he applies it she says it's working then lays her head down on the counter to go to sleep, while Greg continues to hold it in place.

### The College Tour

Heather and Tim bring Tyler on his first college tour, and Tim explains that he lost his virginity in university after his high school experience was disqualified. Tyler asks how it could be disqualified then regrets it as his father starts telling him the story, which ends with the revelation that he lost his virginity to a couch. They meet up with the tour guide and Heather forces Tyler to bring a sandwich she made with him in case he gets hungry. Heater tells Tim that it's hard to believe their baby is looking at colleges, since it feels like yesterday he was calling berries "babies".

When they get to the hotel, Samantha has told Sophia that Santa isn't real, so Heather sends Sam to the bathroom as a punishment. They have a conversation with Sophia about more of the childhood beliefs that aren't real, leading to her needing time in the closet to think. Heather tells Tim that with Tyler at college and now Sophia not believing in fairy tales anymore she doesn't know how much more she can take, and they are then interrupted by Sam saying she got her period.

Heather brings Tim to the ice machine and says she wants to make another baby, their perfect one that they don't mess up. Tim agrees saying they can't mess up four in a row, but makes the mistake of asking if it would still work. Heather asks if he's calling her old, which kills the mood. They go to pick up Tyler the next day, who wakes up in a washing machine with his half eaten sandwich. In the car when Heather asks how it went, Tyler vomits into her purse, and she happily realizes that he ate the sandwich.

### The Funeral

Everyone attends John's 70th birthday party, which he has decided to have as a faux funeral. Joan tells the children they all are allowed to grieve differently, and praises Greg when he hands her a tissue. John comes out and explains that he got the idea for the party when he went to his friend's funeral and realized that he would have enjoyed hearing all the stories people had told there, he tells them to start up with the eulogies.

Greg gets up and performs a speech he took from a movie, getting praised by his mother who thinks it should be published. When Matt tries to speak he is berated by John until he gives up and sits back down. The entire Hughes family performs Candle in the Wind, making many in the audience fall asleep. At Joan's turn she says she doesn't know what to say about the man that she has cherished for 49 years, and starts to tear up. John tells her that the audience gets it but she gets upset realizing this will be real eventually and has to excuse herself, calling him a jerk.

The family gets together after and John explains that life is made up of moments and he isn't sure how many he has left, but apologizes to the family for the party. Joan says everything is alright but that she hopes she dies first so she wont have to go through this again. John tries out the casket, and when Joan tries to climb in with him, the lid shuts and he's stuck inside. The funeral home can't get it opened so the family has to wheel him to the jiffy loo across the street before he runs out of air.

## Notes

* This is the first ever episode of the CBS sitcom, ***Life in Pieces***.

## Quotes

TBA

*See also: • Season 1 • Season 2 • Season 3 • Season 4 • Episodes*