Episode 31: Double Wide Edition

Geoff Bisente - Beefachu

Dick and Johnson are spending time at home when their neighbor, Nicole Villela, who has recently moved into the neighborhood from Hollywood, is at their door to introduce herself. In the spirit of Southern hospitality, they invite her inside. During conversation, Nicole mentions that she has recently been attacked by a man in a suit, though Dick and Johnson maintain that it must have been a gator, most likely Toothless Jerry. They are interrupted when Chief appears alongside several federal agents and a man called Hamilton McFuzzyface. The Chief briefs the people present on the newest threat: Christofuhrer Walken has developed a drug based on Nazi dinosaur DNA, that, when consumed, turns people into rampaging Nazi dinosaurs, and is selling it nationwide. To assist with the investigation, the Chief has brought McFuzzyface, a hamster, turned human drug dealer, who also solves crimes.

Following their first lead, Dick and Johnson take their RV to make their way to Chicago, together with Nicole and McFuzzyface. To prepare for dealing with Walken's drug gang, they decide to sample all the drugs on the road, leading to them partying, dancing 60s style, watching all of *Cheers*, going through a hallucinatory story set in the Super Mario world, and possibly killing a hitchhiker. Nicole also increasingly shows signs that she might secretly be transforming into some kind of monster, although the others ascribe this (and much of the events to follow) to their drug induced hallucinations. Arriving at the house of Nicole's aunt Terry, which is located outside Chicago, they park the RV and jump into the city via trampoline. With their fake identities of Smack Daddy, European club kid Johann van Sebastian Holmes, John Saint Cocaine, and Nicole Kidman, they begin selling drugs on the streets of Chicago to draw the attention of Christofuhrer Walken's drug dealers, but Johnson accidentally goes into a police station and gets arrested. While Dick and McFuzzyface work on a plan to break Johnson out, Nicole enters the station, hoping to solve the problem peacefully. She manages to convince an officer to release him, but then loses control over her monstrous side and eats the arm of another inmate being brought in and is also arrested. Using their van's grappling hooks, Dick and McFuzzyface break their friends out of prison. On the road, they are stopped by a large group of armed criminals led by Time Traveling Mark Twain. Twain reveals that he is in charge of distributing Christofuhrer Walken's drug and threatens to shoot them unless he gets one of them as a hostage. Dick volunteers and is taken away.

After the criminals leave with Dick in their custody, Johnson releases Beefachu from his Poké Ball to follow Dick's scent. The trail leads them back to aunt Terry's house, as all the gangsters' cars are parked outside. When they enter, they find Mark Twain and Christofuhrer Walken also holding aunt Terry hostage — who is not at all in cahoots with them — as they have randomly chosen her house as their base of operations. Together the team, and also aunt Terry, fight off Twain, Walken, dinosaurs, and the giant Nazi T-Rex, aka Tri-Reich or T-Reich. Johnson manages to tame the T-Reich, but Walken and Twain escape. Johnson, Beefachu, Nicole, and McFuzzyface ride the dino to an abandoned warehouse to which they have tracked the villains.

In a final battle, several RVs get thrown, Nicole fully transforms into her monstrous gator form, and Mark Twain conjures multiple versions of himself from different points in time. Using a drug that prevents Twain from sleeping, McFuzzyface manages to disrupt his powers, sending all Twains back to their timelines, but not before the last Twain swears to some day return. Christofuhrer Walken admits his defeat, but boasts that Dick will be killed regardless, then breaks his own neck. However, since Walken has also accidentally revealed that pressing a button on his robot arm will free Dick, they do so, and Dick calls Johnson to tell him he has been released, but then arrested, and is now in a prison in California.

The Chief's agents clear the warehouse while the crew goes on a road trip to California to pick up Dick. On the way, McFuzzyface stops by the witch that turned him into a human to punch her, they stop in Las Vegas for Beefachu to eat at the Heart Attack Grill (and of course visit Britney Spears), and jump over the Grand Canyon and back; at a Planned Parenthood, Nicole gets treated and is no longer a gator creature, but gets bitten by another monster while leaving. Even though Dick is being held under false charges and would be released immediately, Johnson decides to break him out anyway and they return home to watch the entire Meg Ryan filmography. Nicole goes on to become a renowned monster hunter, while McFuzzyface returns to his life of drug dealing.