Operation Breakup

Breaking up is hard.

Breakups are always hard to initiate, especially when the other person is more invested than you are. Watch as Matt goes undercover to help Mallory break up with her boyfriend.

## Transcript

Mallory: Thanks for helping me do this, Matt. I've never broken up with anyone before.
Matt: Sure, what are friends for, if not to help you end other friendships.
Mallory: I'm just worried that I'll lose my nerve, I feel like he's a lot more invested in this relationship than I am.
Matt: Don't worry, I'm a pro at this. Tons of girls have broken up with me. Have you got your earpiece in?
Mallory: Yeah. Do you want to test it?
Matt: Yeah.

Matt: This is Mongoose, come in, Heartbreaker.
Mallory: Okay, I need another codename.
Matt: Maneater? Soulcrusher.
Mallory: No, you're just making me feel worse about this.
Matt: I'm sorry, you can be Butterfly... of Sadness.
Mallory: Just leave it at Butterfly.
Matt: Fine. Commence Operation Scarring Emotional Pain.

Jason: Oh hey, Mal!
Mallory: Hey, hi.
Jason: So good to see you.
Mallory: Oh yeah, well, I just wanted to talk to you.
Matt: You are doing great. I repeat, you are doing great.
Jason: I was beginning to think that you had forgotten that today was my birthday.
Matt: You are the devil, I repeat, you are the devil.

Mallory: No, no, I don't forget things like that.
Matt: I did not sign up for this, Butterfly! Today is his birthday?
Mallory: How was I supposed to know?
Matt: Oh, I don't know, have you thought of Facebook?
Jason: Hey, do you want to go get something to eat? I was thinking Italian. You think about it, I'll go get my jacket.
Matt: Are you sure you want to continue with this? It's not going to be pretty. If he's anything like me, he's going to cry. A lot.
Mallory: I'm sorry, I have to! I can't live in a lie!
Matt: You lie all the time!
Mallory: I know, but I really want to break up.
Mallory: Though I could do Chinese.
Matt: Okay, let's ruin his special day.
Mallory: Of course today is your special day too, seeing how it's our six-month anniversary.
Matt: Have you a heart of stone, woman?!
Mallory: What do I do?
Matt: Okay, you need to stop him from talking and change the subject.
Mallory: Stop! I want to talk about cheese.

Matt: Good, now transition from that to breaking up with him.
Mallory: This isn't easy for me, just like cheese isn't easy for me to digest.
Matt: But...?
Mallory: But...
Jason: It's okay, to be honest, I've kind of seen this coming for a long time now. I'll just spare you the awkwardness.
Matt: Oh, this is going much better now.
Jason: I love you.
Matt: Oh! Red alert! The L-word has entered the conversation! We need to regroup.
Jason: I was going to wait to give you this, but I can't wait.
Mallory: What?
Matt: Oh no, don't let him bring out any presents, Butterfly, stop this.

Jason: What are you going to call him? It looks like a Toby to me. I used to have a dog named Toby.
Matt: That is an adorable name. We are losing control of the conversation, Butterfly, we need to regain-
Whitney: Hello! I'm Jason's mom. Hi! It is so good to finally meet you! We have heard so much about you!
Matt: Okay, we have engaged multiple hostiles.
Mallory: Matt, help me!
Matt: Okay, don't worry. I'm mobilizing, here comes the distraction.

Matt: Hello there! I am in the neighborhood today to rob you.
Jason: Yeah. Get him, mom. Yes. Harder.
Whitney: And that's why I always carry a brick in my purse.
Matt: Man down, Butterfly, man down.
Whitney: Anyway, you'll be good to my Jason, okay? Between you and me, the last girl he dated practically ripped his heart out, so I'm glad he's dating you now.
Matt: Okay, we can still pull through on this.
Whitney: I mean, can you believe she broke up with him a year ago today? I mean, it was his birthday, first of all, and the day his dog died.
Jason: You'll never die. Will you, Toby Junior?

Matt: Abort the mission.
Whitney: I mean, what kind of sick, twisted person would do that?
Matt: I'm sorry, Butterfly, you got to date him for at least two more weeks. My conscience is screaming at me, along with my ribs.
Mallory: Yeah. I would never do something like that. Hey, I'm just going to get your present and then I'll be right back, okay?
Jason: Sounds good.

Mallory: I knew we should have done this over the phone.
Matt: Ah, I require medical attention.

Stacey: Nicely done, everyone. Looks like Operation Stop Mallory From Breaking Up With Jason was a huge success.

## Trivia

* This is the last sketch of Season 2 Episode 1.
* This is the longest sketch of Season 2 Episode 1.
* This sketch was uploaded on the same day as the episode aired on BYUtv.
* This sketch has a sequel, which can be found here.
* This is the tenth sketch in a row in which Jason Gray appears.
* This is the fiftieth sketch in which Whitney (Call) Meek appears.
* This is the second sketch in a row to feature a live animal, after Laundry featured a cat.
	+ The next sketch WrongCom includes a live snake.