Ayesha

The Other Guys:

Gator's bitches better be using jimmies!

Tuna .VS. Lion.

That was a trick. No more.

Damn it. He did it again. No more tickets.

Daddy's Home:

What did he just say?

What the hell did he just say? Oh sorry.

He's okay. No I'm not okay. He's not okay.

Honey you need to calm down. No! I'm not gonna calm down.

She asked me first!

And now she's asking him? No. It's not fair.

You know what, actually it's very fair. Okay? She has two dads.

She wants you both there. You just have to accept that.

No I'm not going to accept it. All right?

I do pick-up! I do drop-off! Okay I volunteer at school!

I listen to the tantrums and the crying and the soundtrack of Frozen that's on a goddamn loop all the time!

And he just waltzes in for a few days and now he gets to go as well? No!

No she's got to choose. It's either me or him! Megan you got to choose!

You got to choose! Hey!

It's the biggest decision of your life!

Hey!

You know what? I'm going to pretend you're not acting like a crazy person because I know you're very upset.

But you need to get over yourself. Okay?

Now go down there and be happy with your kids.

No! A scalper gouged me 18 grand for these seats. I'm not leaving them! What?

What did you just say?

Yeah. Nothing. Let's just... You're right.

I'm so much more relaxed now.

Thank you.

Yeah. Let's just go down... Let's just...

No!

I think you should sit in your $18,000 seats

and think of all the better ways your family could have used that money. Sara.

Can I get some beers down here?

Can I get five beers? Excuse me some beers!

It's me. It's me I win!

I'm-a make it to Disneyland. I'm-a make it all right.

First off I love my kids.

And if anyone was ever to do anything to them - I would hurt them.

I would freakin' hurt them!

This guy over here is trying to take them!

Trying to steal my family. He doesn't sweat!

But I got news for you, buddy!

Last night while you were sleeping I made love to our wife! My wife! Sara right over there!

Took my wiener out of my pants! Boo! Boo!

So even if Sara does pick you you're going to have to be the stepdad to my kid!

You see how you like it! Okay?

Give me that ball you.

This one's for Dylan and Megan and Sara and Dylan.

Nothing but net.

Do-over!

That's a do-over!

It's a do-over!

I'm so sorry you had to see that I'm so sorry.

Hey kids why don't you go inside and put on your pajamas?

Dusty.

Nope. Come on Dusty.

Where are you going?

I'd pay a billion dollars to take her to that dance.

You're just gonna leave? You take her then.

I can't take her. Okay? I'm not welcome after I said I was gonna put a spite baby in her mother.

I guess that's out then.

Yeah that is out. So it's gotta be you.

I'm sorry Brad I just can't do it all right?

What do you mean "you can't do it"?

I can't stay inside the cones.

Look Dusty the cones are there for everyone's safety.

It's not about the cones. You just said it was...

The cones are metaphor Brad.

I'm not domestic type okay?

Dusty come on. What are you talking about? You're organized you're handy.

You make the best cinnamon rolls I have ever tasted.

Those we're Cinnabons Brad. Come on.

You can't make rolls like that in a conventional oven.

I knew it! I knew it. I knew it from the beginning!

So you've been telling some tall tales huh?

All that Special Ops stuff. No just the Cinnabons!

Why would you lie about Cinnabons?

Cause I wanted to win. All right?

I wanted to prove that I was a good dad too but I'm not.

Okay? Are you happy? Is that what you want to hear?

All the noise and the mess and all the choices.

You do one thing wrong you can screw them up for life. Do you realize that? Yeah.

Dads have to make a lot of choices okay? And we blow most of them.

Yeah and the other parents. That kid Eli. I was over there for a play date. You know about this?

You can't just ride your bike over to a friend's house to play Hot Wheels anymore

now you got to make some kind of date? I know it's a shame.

Well I'm over there and the kid's dad keeps asking me if Dylan's gonna be in the gifted program with Eli.

Like Dylan isn't as smart as his little ball-scratcher kid.

I wanted to murder that smug prick.

Dusty look I hate that guy too okay?

But his son is Dylan's best friend so you suck it up.

I mean that's most of what dads do is...Is take shit. I mean that's what we do.

I can't do it Brad.

I can't take shit like you do.

You take shit better than anyone I've ever met and I mean that as a compliment from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you. But I'm sorry Brad. I can't.

I can't do it man.

You made a promise to Megan and you're gonna keep it.

Ow!

Did you just punch me in the face Brad? Ow yes.

Knowing full well I got no choice but to bust you up now?

I really wish you wouldn't.

If I did you'd take that beatdown for those kids wouldn't you?

Yeah. Yeah I would.

Come on. Good luck Dusty. What? No no you gotta come.

It's just...I can't see Sara after what I said. Sara loves you Brad. All right?

I know just what to say to her.

You just stand there and look lost without her.

I am lost without her. Well that's good. Then let's go.

But I look terrible.

Yeah you do.

Come here. What are you doing? I'm fixing you up man.

Dusty get your hands out of my pants. Calm down. Think I want to touch your little dinky?

I'm trying to fix you up. All right. Let me see. Wow. I look great.

Here you go. That's incredible. Come on.

Well you can't take them to school on a motorcycle. You need a car.