The Desert Is on Fire

The Acquaintances With Weapons must stop Strahd Vonovich from getting the Tiamat talon blade.

## Major Plot Points

* Salty Twat, Wet Dick, Vulveeta, Bigsby, Fern, Neuriel, Voloth, Olivia, Dani, and Kataro woke up in Sable to a message from Valindra Shadowmantle. She instructed that they meet her at her military camp nearby.
* Calypso continued partying at Fyre Festival.
* The party arrived at the snow covered camp and were greeted by Icey Snowman, a snowman made by Valindra in Bigsby’s likeness. He serves as her court jester.
* Vulveeta threw snowballs at Icey, making him buffer. She then threw snowballs at her fellow party members.
* Inside Valindra’s personal tent was her assistant, Igor, a skeletal creature with large boney claws and the Sewn Sisters.
* The group drank frose offered by Igor after Wet Dick purified it.
* Fern freaked out at the sight of her kidnappers/ torturers. Luckily, a brave spell helped her collect herself.
* The Sewn Sisters reported that their intel says Strahd Vonovich, Szass Tam’s boyfriend and general, is in the Purple Sands. Word has it he is searching for a piece of Tiamat in a local village.
* Valindra proposed that AWW stop Strahd from getting this piece and bring it to her.
* Wet Dick’s history knowledge revealed that Strahd has been dating Szass Tam for about a century. Szass Tam was known to have a husband who died or disappeared about 450 years ago. Szass Tam is also known to be a bit of a player.
* The group was suspicious but agreed to the terms. At Bigsby’s strong request, Icey Snowman joined them.
* On the way to the village, the party came across two tribes of kobolds fighting over a treasure chest. Bigsby played them a song that pacified their tension. Voloth offered them wine, which got their little bodies drunk and unconscious real fast.
* Vulveeta and Salty Twat drank stolen wine from Valindra’s camp that turned out to be poisoned.
* The next day, the party discovered a muscular man sunbathing by an oasis with three party boys. Bigsby ran over to talk to him. The man tried to magically enthrall Bigsby but he fought off the attack.
* Despite Bigsby’s pleas that the party boys might be innocent, Vulveeta, Salty Twat, and Dani attacked and killed them. The muscular man turned out to be a lamia, a half man/half lion creature, in disguise. He was no match for AWW.
* The party bumped into Rhiannon the following day. She was practicing her magical craft in preparation for a Covenant mission. Vulveeta seduced her and the two spent the night together.
* Close to dawn, the party awoke to an earthquake and large explosions in the distance. The town they were going to was in flames. AWW rushed to see what was going on. Kataro used dispel magic to put out the fires in their immediate area, providing an escape for the citizens.
* The party headed to the only building unaffected by the fire - a black stone temple. The group, except for Voloth, snuck inside. The goliath decided to scale the wall to a nearby window.
* The party snuck passed red wizards in the temple’s main hall. Salty Twat found a secret door behind a tapestry of a shadowy woman dancing in fire.
* Olivia and Vulveeta noticed the next hallway had raised stones and alerted the party about the potential trap. At the end of the hall, Olivia unsuccessfully tried to push Vulveeta back into the hall. The high elf fighter proved too fast and knocked Olivia inside instead where the aasimar suffered fire damage.
* Inside the library, Fern opened a bible of Imix and released a fire elemental. It was extinguished by Salty Twat’s electric eel whip.
* Fern read the bible and found out that Imix is a fire goddess who lives in the primordial plane of fire. She’s at war with the sea god Procran and sea goddess Poseidra. Wet Dick confirmed she’s bad news.
* Meanwhile, Voloth found an old bedroom filled with ghostly priests reading their bibles. He used disguise self to blend in and sneak by. The blood hunter discovered an old sacrifice chamber where people would be burned to death. He found a group of vampires behind another door who told him to go away.
* In the trophy hall, the rest of the party found the skeletons of dragons and tieflings displayed. There were also volcano dioramas. Kataro activated one and summoned a genie. The group wished for the piece of Tiamat that was hidden in the temple and the genie teleported it - and Strahd who was holding it - into the room. Voloth then fell into the room from the ceiling.
* After trading insults with Strahd, the vampire used his fire magic to melt Icey.
* Olivia attacked him with her sun sword and smites. Salty Twat whipped him. The vampire charmed Vulveeta and drank her blood. Fern summoned the energy of the sun but Strahd’s Tiamat Talon sword absorbed it. Dani tried but failed to disintegrate Strahd. Vulveeta slashed at him with her rapiers. Bigsby shot him with a moonbeam. Neuriel activated a beacon of hope. Kataro generated more sunlight to replace Fern’s. All of this proved too much for the vampire and he shapeshifted into a swarm of bats and flew away, leaving the talon behind.
* At the end of the fight, Kataro used reincarnation to bring Icey back as a high elf newly named Elfy Highman. Outside of the temple, the party was greeted by Valindra on her ice dragon. She tried to telekinetically take the sword but Neuriel, Vulveeta, and Olivia held onto it. When asked what she’d do it with, she answered she’d kill Szass Tam. When Bigsby put her under a zone of truth, she added, “...and you.”