Southend Day Trips

Southend would become a much sought after Summer destination for the Unicorn Warriors - a place where they could leave behind the stress of London life and soak up the rain, sun, more rain and freezing coastal air. The priority of these day trips was Adventure Island, the town's roller-coaster and theme park. On behalf of the dismissal by hardcore Thorpe Park and Alton Tower fans....it's pretty shit, but the warriors found every ride incredible and full of something to praise about.

**Rage -** Rage was arguably the warriors favourite ride at Adventure Island, it could only be compared to a budget version of the Saw ride at Thorpe park. Although initially apprehensive of this ride for its imposing look, it would turn out out to be so enjoyable they would get off the ride and sprint back towards the entrance almost a dozen times!

The staff managing the ride were friendly enough, which prompted some banter between each other. Somewhere along the line, Raphael had mentioned that James had kissed Zain during a drama rehearsal back in 2010, which for the record never happened; it was just James' long hair whilst conducting CPR on Zain had obscured people's view. Nonetheless the news that James had kissed Zain spread like wildfire through the 5 staff members. As a result, everytime the ride had come back to the staff for them to unbuckle us, yet another questionable comment was asked and a look of disgust radiated from them. Despite James' pleas that I was not gay, they wouldn't be having any of his opinion on the matter leaving him embarrassed and flabbergasted much to Raphael and Sean's bemusement. How the staff never picked on Zain for being involved on the matter remained a mystery.

**Time Travel -**

*PART I* - Two words that put the fear of god into James and Raphael. Time Travel was one of the more adult orientated ride for hardcore fans who love to endure being spun upside down, on their backs at 3G.

The first time the warriors experienced this ride was when Sean and Zain had their first turn. Sean returned buzzing with the trademark grin on his big face, from this it was known there would be no end to the constant stream of demands that James and Raphael should try Time Travel too. As we were already full of excitement and anticipation anyway, Raphael took the bait on the consideration he believed that Time Travel would be scary but not as bad as Rage. James however who was yet to be convinced of Sean's claims held back and nervously watched Zain, Raphael and Sean wait in the queue; corresponding to Raphael with a cheeky grin every so often. Zain and a random girl paired up in the twin-seated machine whilst Raphael and Sean paired together. Legend has it that the following conversation ensued between them:

\***Sean Slowly turns his beaming head towards Raphael\***

**Sean: "This is worst than Rage"**

**Raphael: "WHHHAATTTTT???!!!!"**

Within a flash the ride had taken off, propelling everyone on ride onto their backs in preparation for the hell that was about to commence. One could only imagine the thoughts flowing through Raphael's mind as he stared into the sky and began to make peace with his own fate that death would eventually wash over him. This acceptance would of course be ruined by the continuous, evil laughter of Sean next to him enjoying another man's misery. Stepping off the ride, Raphael looked dazed and confused stating he had just experienced the worst moment of his life. Also worth a mention is the girl next to Zain who we discovered had wet herself during the ordeal too...not for the faint hearted.

*PART II -* It would be a full year before the warriors would see Time Travel again. It was James who was ordered to try Time Travel which the only noble thing to do considering all the others had. James feeling pressurized by the fact children less than half his age were eager to board the ride, decided to JUST DO IT (spurred on by Raphael's Shia LeBeouf impression). By the time James and Zain were about to enter the ride, Raphael conforming to James' suspicions had bolted like the pussy he was. James' experience was equally as horrendous as Raphael's, he had felt the blood rush from his limbs and head and begin to pool at his centre of gravity rendering him feeling weak and semi-paralysed. Upon leaving he was barely able to walk and 'out of it' much to Raphael's "see I told you so" and slight bemusement.

From that day forward they swore never to ride the Time Travel again.

**Chips, Chips and more Chips -** During the Warriors first outing together to Southend, choice of eateries and food in general was limited. Therefore a selection of chips was the only option present for breakfast, lunch and dinner. However if you possess the hunger and spirit of KO Kiyani then go for the Big Daddy, A foot long hot-dog devoured by Raphael faster than James could finish off his standard 5 inch hot-dog.

During the end of one delightful day at Southend, the warriors along with the rest of the days punters were making their way towards the exit come dusk. Suddenly from a family of typical Essex folk, one of them cried ".....oh I didn't get me fish and chips!". The warriors knew they all heard the same thing, made brief eye contact before bursting into laughter. It was a quote that would always become synonymous with Southend.

**The Sweet Shop -** A delicacy throughout much of the UK. Traditional sweet shops that sell by the gram are hard to find nowadays. This particular shop sold sweets and candy produce from overseas, a wide assortment dedicated to the American market. The warriors were pleasantly surprised at the variety and purchased Twinkie Bars.

**Southend on Sea or the Thames? -** As part of the long running debate between the Warriors since initially arriving at Southend. The question was whether Southend was by the sea or by the Thames Estuary, it involved many long heated arguments that came to no progressive conclusion. As of now each party still stands firmly by their opinion.

**Water Shooter Race** - Another much anticipated attraction included the water slide, which came with two modes of travel; across an open slide whilst laying down on a boat or in a team of two on a dingy that slide down a tube. James and Raphael, from the request of the man manning the ride decided to have a race using the former. The two of them sat in their boats, anticipating the countdown, but Raphael as he was slightly larger in height and weight would most likely win. James pulled out ahead of the countdown, leaving behind a scream of "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" from chap who was manning the ride! It was inevitable, James knew he was going to win and saw only himself approaching the finish line! To complete this victory, James gleaming to himself with pride began to turn around to where he believed Raphael was with his middle finger outstretched...BUT SUDDENLY just as he spun around Raphael had bolted down ahead of James. Before his face had the chance to drop or his middle finger slowly crumple, Raphael had finished wiping the smug right off James' forehead. The defeat was painful, not only had James had a head start but proceeded to make a cock of himself by assuming victory too soon.

**Turtle Turbulence** - The spinning turtle ride although for young children, was the frequent icebreaker for the warriors when they came to Southend. People were typically sat in seats strung up by two chains and prevented from falling out by a simple steel bar. Half the fun was whilst suspended and rotating 30 feet into the air was spinning in your seat or trying to grab onto other people's seats and spin them. This antic landed Zain into hot water when a pompous "Oi!" was heard from a member of staff down below resulting in a good ol' fashioned telling off upon exit. Another notable Zain moment on this ride was during mid-liftoff when he randomly lost a shoe that ended up plummeting down on a moist and cheesy trajectory towards earth. It is moments of Zain like these that constantly surprise and fill us full of joy.