Goatbusters

***Goatbusters*** is the forty-fourth episode of *Off Book: The Improvised Musical,* and features guest Carl Tart. The story involves a renowned ghost snatcher, his brother, a goat snatcher, and a struggle between the Sigma Alpha Kappa fraternity boys and their corrupt dean.

## Episode Description

### Act I

In a small town in Mississippi, the musical opens in a mansion absolutely packed with ghosts. Despite being incorporeal, these ghosts are crawling all over each other in the bathroom, kitchen, and solarium of an old mansion and finding the situation intolerable ("Too Many Ghosts").

At the office of renowned Ghost Snatcher Dr. Kevin Clark, Kevin's assistant Vivian conveys to him the situation at the mansion. Dr. Clark, who originally built the mansion to house all those ghosts, decries that there's nothing he can do. The ghosts can't be released and there's no fertile ground to build another ghost-housing mansion. Vivian commiserates with her employer, and offers him his favorite treat, a Tums sandwich (two Tums sandwiched between Nilla wafers with Marshmallow Fluff). As the doctor shows off an invention of his, a pair of ghost-seeing glasses, the two begin to realize and profess their romantic feelings for each other. ("I Can't See Ghosts, But I See You").

Meanwhile, Dr. Clark's brother Cletus, a renowned Goat Snatcher, is prowling the fields looking for ghosts when he encounters a ghost goat. Unsure what to do, he considers aloud bringing the situation to the attention of his brother ("He's Not Gonna Say Nahhhhh!"). When he does so, Kevin reveals that Cletus was born with animal fur over his eyes, allowing him to see the ghosts of all animals. The two of them come up with a plan to round up all the ghost animals Cletus is seeing (which now include a sheep, a bat, and a parrot): They will buy a local fraternity house and turn it into a Ghost Animal House. ("Ghost Animal House").

The action cuts to Middlenorth University, in the Sigma Alpha Kappa fraternity house (the Sack) where an angry Dean wants to punish a group of senior boys, despite that they've generally gotten good grades and not caused trouble. He tells them that he's sold their house to the Clark brothers. The Bros lament this turn of events, but concoct their own plan: they'll invite the brothers to become members of their fraternity, thus ensuring its future ("The Sack is Life").

### Act II

Back at Dr. Clark's office, Vivian is surprised to find a trio of Kevin's ex-girlfriends: Vanessa, Veronica, and Valerie. They've arrived with a warning: that Kevin has a very specific type, and also that he's never been in love with any of them ("We're All 5'4"").

Kevin himself then arrives to profess his love, but has problems articulating it, causing Vivian to worry ("Frettin'"). Cletus coaches him in speaking clearly.

The Sack Bros arrive at Dr. Clark's office to talk to them about their purchase of the land the Sack is on. Kevin offers the lead bro a Tums sandwich, which relieves his lifelong heartburn. He then explains that they need the house to hold all the ghost animals (including ghost goats). After a quick conference, the Bros let the brothers know that they don't have a problem living with ghost animals ("Respect Our Feetsies"). They induct the Clark brothers into their fraternity, and plan a 23rd birthday party for one of the bros the next day.

Meanwhile the Dean fumes to the Provost and President of the University about being thwarted by the Sack Bros. He reveals that he hates the Sack Bros because they manage to maintain good grades while also having fun, while he thinks students should have to choose between fun and success. ("HaHas and BooHoos"). The President doesn't appreciate this philosophy, and fires both the Dean and the Provost. With nothing else to lose, they plot to ruin the party by releasing the human ghosts from the ghost mansion and unleashing them on the upcoming party.

Their plot is overheard by a Sack Bro and a group of ghost animals. He warns Vivian, the Clark brothers, and the rest of his fraternity brothers. The lead Sack Bro suggests that they use the power of the Sack to bring the ghost animals back to life — and if it works, to do the same for the ghost people when they arrive.

The process works on the goats (although most of them turn out to be parrots). They debate the ethical implications of using the process on humans and ultimately decide to try it, though several of the human ghosts turn out to be murderers. They settle on trying the process on a little ghost boy, but he turns out to be a parrot. ("Ghost Goat/Ghost Dude/Ghost Boy")

In fact, the Dean failed to release the human ghosts at all. He and the Provost come to the house, defeated. The bros tell them they can join their fraternity and experience the Sack life for themselves. ("Sack Life" (Finale)").

**Show/Hide**
## Musical Cast

### Jessica McKenna

* A trapped human ghost
* Vivian, an assistant
* A ghost goat
* A ghost sheep
* A ghost bat
* A ghost parrot
* Sack Bro #1 (the apparent leader)
* Vanessa, an ex-girlfriend
* The Provost of Middlenorth University

### Zach Reino

* A trapped human ghost
* Cletus Clark, a goat snatcher
* The Dean of Middlenorth University
* Chris, a Sack Bro
* Veronica, an ex-girlfriend
* A ghost goat

### Carl Tart

* A trapped human ghost
* Dr. Kevin Clark, a ghost snatcher
* Tyber, a Sack Bro
* Valerie, an ex-girlfriend
* Middlenorth University President John Middlenorth
* A murderous human ghost
* A possibly murderous human ghost
* Ghost Boy (Actually a ghost parrot)

## Songs

* "Too Many Ghosts in This Bathroom" (5:45)
* "I Can't See Ghosts, But I See You" (12:21)
* "He's Not Gonna Say Nahhhhh!" (16:19)
* "Ghost Animal House" (21:05)
* "The Sack Is Life" (24:27)
* "We're All 5'4"" (27:54)
* "Frettin'" (30:50)
* "Respect Our Feetsies" (37:57)
* "HaHas and BooHoos" (40:50)
* "Ghost Goat/Ghost Dude/Ghost Boy" (49:06)
* "Sack Life" (Finale) (55:40)

Closing Song:

* "Dinner Rolls" (Oneupsmanship) (1:00:18)

## Trivia

* Producer Dana was not present for the recording of this episode.