Igor Needs Help

**Igor Needs Help** is episode 199b of Edward and Eric. It premiered on Cartoon Network on December 3, 2011.

## Synopsis

Who is hugging everybody at Lakeside City School against their will? Eric turns sleuth and is completely oblivious to the fact that the culprit is himself.

## Cast

* Robert Capron as Eric
* Andrew Rannells as Edward
* Wayne Grayson as Joey
* Gary Sauls as Mr. Goodman, Constantinos, Robbie and Tuna
* Edward Felker as Igor and Stanley
* Dan Green as Dallas, Henry and Rat
* Eric Stuart as Frankfurt and Terry and Barry
* Tress MacNeille as Nurse Fracture and Winifred

## Trivia

* This is the penultimate episode of the series.
* On a related note, this is the last episode for several things:
	+ The last 11-minute episode.
	+ The last episode to focus on Eric.
	+ The last episode where Edward only has a minor role.
	+ The last 11-minute episode of the series to play Hawaiian Cocktail and the second version of Now You've Done It.
	+ The last episode to play Camptown Races.
	+ The last episode with the typical credits scene (at least on TV airings in the United States).
* This is one of the few episodes where Lakeside City School is the main location, but Principal Walker doesn't appear or get mentioned. It is also one of the rare instances where Mr. Goodman appears without Walker.
* If one were to not count the credits, Edward only has two lines of dialogue in this episode.
* An Aesop:
	+ If someone asks you to stop doing something, you definitely should.
	+ Respect other people's personal wishes and vulnerabilities. Not everybody likes physical affection.
* **Credits:** Igor trying to make a request.

## Transcript

(The episode opens outside the school's radio station from Joe Gets Mauled. Eric is managing his own radio show. However, unlike last time, he is finally singing Bingo correctly)

**Eric:** B-I-N-G-O! (the camera cuts to the inside of the station) B-I-N-G-O! (he turns his arms into the shapes of the letters) B-I-N-G-O! And Bingo was his name-o!

(Eric pushes a button, which turns on a few neon lights)

**Eric:** Goooooooooooooood MORNING, Lakeside City! I'm Eric Pearson, here to expose you to all sorts of music from around the world. Not just to entertain you, but also to make fun of people for not knowing these songs. Now here's a little piece of music from some unfunny guy born in Texas. Prepare to cover your ears in excitement, and enjoy!

(He takes out a CD and inserts it into his DJ machine. The disc plays the show's intro, and Eric takes off his headphones)

**Eric:** (sighs) I *hate* this song.

(A telephone is heard ringing)

**Edward:** Eric! Caller 92!

**Eric:** (puts his headphones back on) Hi, caller! Do you have a request?

**Igor:** (through the headphones) Yes. I request an explanation.

(The camera cuts to Igor, who is in a restroom stall, and he's communicating through an empty can with a line attached to it)

**Igor:** (sniffles) WHY AM I SO LONELY?! (sobs heavily)

**Eric:** Caller, you seem to have a serious case of the blues.

**Igor:** (his skin briefly turns blue) Y-y-y-you think?!

**Eric:** What's your name?

**Igor:** W-w-what?! W-w-why do you need m-m-my name?

**Eric:** It never hurts to be open. Well, unless it's literally.

**Igor:** O-o-ok...uhh...this is, uhh, Jacob- I mean, John- uhh, Joey! My name is Joey!

**Eric:** Joey?

(Hordes of male students burst into the room to laugh hard. Eric shushes them, causing them to frown and walk out)

**Eric:** Joey, what you need, is a good old-fashioned, (he grows puppy eyes) hug!

**Igor:** (sheds tears) A hug?

**Eric:** Yes, Joey! It is important for you to see people care about you!

**Igor:** People care about, (he smiles) me?

(Suddenly, someone knocks on the stall)

**Ivan:** Hey! It's a toilet, not a phone booth.

(Igor spontaneously runs out and cries)

**Eric:** (through the can as it gets flushed down the toilet) Joey! JOEY! Joey, are you there?

**Intercept Message Voice:** (through the can) Please hang up and try your call again. This is a recording.

(Cut back to the brother's dorm room)

**Eric:** Edward, if Joey doesn't get those hugs, he's never going to get through this. I pledge to hug the depression out of Joey myself!

**Edward:** Do you have that many hugs in you, Eric?

**Eric:** Good question. Let's see.

(He squeezes his head into his chest and looks at his heart, which is displaying a meter)

**Eric:** Yup. I've got an entire day.

(At the front entrance of the school, Joey is trying to toss an egg at the building, only to miss his shot)

**Stanley:** Missed.

**Joey:** Stop being so tall, then!

(Joey takes another egg and attempts to make a second shot, but it lands in a trash can)

**Stanley:** Missed again.

**Joey:** Then stop being so terrible at this!

**Stanley:** Touche.

(Joey growls and prepares to punch him, until Eric approaches Joey)

**Eric:** Hi, Joey.

**Joey:** (rolls his eyes) What do you want?

**Eric:** How are you feeling today, Joey?

(Stanley makes a perfect shot; so much so, that the egg hits the school's bell)

**Joey:** (screams in frustration) LOUSY! WHAT DO YOU CARE?!

**Eric:** I care, Joey. We *all* care about you.

**Joey:** (raises an eyebrow) Eric, you're being creepier than usual. Now if you don't mind... (he tries to toss yet another egg at the school, only to miss once more)

**Stanley:** Missed.

**Joey:** I HATE THIS!!!!

(Suddenly, Eric hugs him)

**Joey:** Eric...what, ARE you doing?

**Eric:** I'm hugging you, Joey!

(Joey's body deflates, freeing him from Eric's tight grip. He shivers)

**Joey:** ***BACK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***

(He takes off and screams bloody murder)

**Eric:** It's gonna take a lot more hugs to cure that poor soul.

**Igor:** (walks in) Hi, Eri-

**Eric:** Sorry, Igor. (leaves) Can't talk now.

(Igor tears up)

**Igor:** Sure, Eric. (sniffles) I u-u-understand.

**Winifred:** (offscreen) HEY!

(She marches up towards him, holding a frying pan)

**Winifred:** Are those my eggs?!

(The camera cuts to the Gym's restroom, where Joey is barely exiting the showers. He is staring at his reflection in the mirror)

**Joey:** Gah! That was horrible! Disgusting! Eric touched me! COOTIES!!!

(Once he turns his back around, Eric appears in the mirror. When he faces the mirror again after grabbing a towel, Eric is gone, only to reappear in Joey's towel. Joey wraps the towel around himself)

**Joey:** Ahhh...

(Much to his luck, he hears a squeak, and he opens the towel)

**Eric:** How do you feel now, Joey?

(Joey screams louder than before as he bursts through the Gym's walls, collapsing the building. He runs near the abandoned cabin and lifts up a boulder, which Eric has teleported right underneath)

**Joey:** He will never find me under here! (hides under the boulder)

(A fart noise is heard)

**Eric:** Feel better, Joey?

(Joey screams so loud that the boulder rises up from the sheer force. He books it, and the boulder crushes Eric)

**Joey:** He won't be able to hug me, (pants heavily) if I just keep running!

(Eric emerges from behind Joey and gives him a hug)

**Joey:** (stops running and sighs deeply in relief) I don't know why, but, I'm starting to feel better.

**Eric:** That's great, Joey!

(Joey's eyes widen)

**Eric:** If you need a topper, (winks and clicks his tongue) gimme a call.

(Joey groans as he tears off his school uniform with his bare hands, leaving him in nothing more than his underwear. He drops to the floor and stretches his body back and forth as he continues groaning)

(Cut to Eric)

**Eric:** Nothing like a job well done, Eric. (digs his head deep into his chest to examine his heart again) I even have half of a tank left!

(At the back of the abandoned cabin, Robbie is fishing)

**Eric:** Hi, Robbie! How's it going?

**Robbie:** Oh, not so good, Eric. I've been trying to get the rare silver mullet, but I haven't caught anything in all day! (puts his head down) You're sorta discouraging.

**Eric:** Allow me to help!

**Robbie:** Huh? What?

(Eric tightly hugs him, and then he walks away, leaving Robbie horrified)

**Eric:** (waves) See ya later!

(Beat)

(Robbie dives into the freezing water)

(Tuna is seen lifting up a heavy tire. Eric passes by)

**Tuna:** Hey Eric, could you help me with this? (grunts as he struggles to continue carrying it)

**Eric:** Love to! (hugs him)

(Awkward silence as Eric's hug causes Tuna to put the tire into his bicycle)

**Tuna:** (sarcastically) Gee, thanks, Eric. (pushes him away) I got it all from here.

(Camera immediately cuts to a shot of Igor's x-ray)

**Nurse Fracture:** Nope. It's hopeless.

(Eric hugs her. Then, he floats away)

(Igor, who was laying down on the bed, stands up and sobs)

(At the lunch line, Henry is staring at his plate)

**Henry:** Meatloaf? Again?

(Eric hugs him, weirding him out)

(Frankfurt is playing chess with Finn)

**Frankfurt:** King me!

(Eric hugs Finn)

(Terry and Barry are seen walking by the library)

**Terry:** Your shoe's untied.

(Eric hugs Barry)

(Grayson is about to play basketball, but then Eric hugs him)

(Next, Eric is seen hugging Dallas [who is lifting weights], Carver [who is giving Constantinos a wedgie], Peter [who is sitting on a bench], and Rico [who is trying to play the acoustic guitar, only for a string to snap apart from Eric's hug])

(Later that day, Igor is sitting on the steps of the boys' dorm, crying)

**Eric:** (obliviously passes by) Wow! (looks into his heart) I'm all out of hugs. (sticks his head back out and continues on his way) I think I've got just about everyone.

(Igor sobs harder)

(Eric passes by Mr. Goodman)

**Mr. Goodman:** Uh, Eric, could I talk to you for a second?

(The camera transitions to his office)

**Mr. Goodman:** Sit down, son.

(Eric does so)

**Mr. Goodman:** You see, Eric, there have been a few complaints spanning across the school recently.

**Eric:** (raises an eyebrow) Am I in trouble, Mr. Goodman?

**Mr. Goodman:** (chuckles) Oh, no, no! I just want to talk to you about (sits down and immediately becomes stern) *affection*.

(Beat)

**Eric:** You mean, like, kissing?

**Mr. Goodman:** Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Back it up there, Eric! All I'm talking about is hugging.

**Eric:** Oh, yes! Hugging is great.

**Mr. Goodman:** Well, you see, hugging is indeed good. But only when hugging is wanted.

(Eric melodramatically gasps)

**Eric:** Are you saying there's someone in the school who is hugging people that don't want to be hugged?!

**Mr. Goodman:** I know it might be embarrassing. But if it stops now, we can forget all about it.

**Eric:** And you think, *I* can stop this?

**Mr. Goodman:** You're the only one who can!

**Eric:** And did you forget who the hugger is?

**Mr. Goodman:** Slipped my mind!

**Eric:** Mr. Goodman, you can count on me! (zips away)

**Mr. Goodman:** I'm so glad we've had this discussion, Eric.

**Eric:** (heads towards the door) I am too, mister! Rest assured, I will find out who the offending hugger is, and bring him to justice! (closes the door)

**Mr. Goodman:** (closes his eyes and sighs) Timothy, you are one heck of a vice princi- (opens them) Wait, wait, what did he say?

(Cut to a time card)

**The Narrator:** Later that day...

(It is lunch time at cafeteria, and it is crowded. Suddenly, Eric steps in, wearing a noir outfit)

**Eric:** LISTEN UP, EVERYONE!

(The students face their attention to him)

**Eric:** Whoever is hugging everybody against their will, please stand up!

**Joey:** You're already standing, Einstein.

**Eric:** Save the jokes, Joey, this is serious. Now Mr. Goodman has recently informed me that one of you has been running around and indiscriminately giving out hugs, and he has entrusted me to put a stop to it. So, I'm asking you again...

(Closeup on his eyes as he narrows them)

**Eric:** Which one of you is the hugger?

**Joey:** YOU'RE THE HUGGER!!!!! (facepalms and grunts in anger)

**Eric:** Wasn't funny the first time, Joey. (stands in the middle of the cafeteria) And there's nothing funny about a hug. It has the power to change lives for the better.

(Beat as a rat passes by)

**Eric:** (grabs the rat and tightly hugs it) BUT A HUG CAN ALSO CAUSE A GREAT DEAL OF UNEASE IF THE OTHER END DOESN'T WANT IT!!!!

**Rat:** (weakly) I agree.

**Eric:** (releases the rat, who runs away in fear) So I think it's clear why I have gathered all of you here today.

**Terry:** Uhh, you didn't gather us here.

**Barry:** Yeah. It's lunch time.

(Beat)

**Eric:** Oh. Right. Well, I'm sure you're all wondering why I surreptitiously arranged this interrogation during lunch!

**Stanley:** To find out who the hugger is? Sheesh, didn't see that one coming.

**Dallas:** We already went over this, Eric.

**Eric:** Correct, Dallas, we *did* go over this, but it bears repeating anyway! Thank you, Dallas.

(Eric taps his index finger against his forehead)

**Eric:** I know what all of you are thinking. You're thinking, "How is Eric going to determine who the hugger is?". Well, I'll go ahead and show you how! (holds up a tray) With THIS!

(Beat)

**Aaron:** That's my lunch.

(Eric eats it, and then he takes out a giant teddy bear that has a heart on its stomach)

**Eric:** I mean, THIS!

(Constantinos screams bloody murder)

**Constantinos:** A GIANT TEDDY BEAR!!! (hides behind Dallas)

**Eric:** You are partially right, Constantinos. But it's not any ordinary teddy bear. This one can accurately tell how many hugs a person has given within the last twenty-four hours!

**Joey:** (uninterested) And precisely how does it do that, Sherlock Nincompoop?

**Eric:** (grins) You just give it a big ol' hug and it displays a read-out! (hugs it to demonstrate)

("12,742" is shown on the teddy bear's stomach)

**Eric:** See? Now I want everybody to come up here and give it a hug, like how I did.

(Everybody grunts as they do so)

**Joey:** (in the background) Stupid!

**Eric:** That's right, single file line.

(Everybody is uninterested)

**Eric:** Alright, Terry and Barry, you two first.

(The twins hug the teddy bear, and "0" is displayed)

**Eric:** Nuh-uh. Ivan!

(Ivan hugs the teddy bear, and he gets the same result)

**Eric:** Nope. Come on, guys! Give it a good squeeze like this! (hugs it again, and "12,743" pops up) Jason, Grayson, Mason and Hasten?

(They hug it, but it's the same result)

**Eric:** You guys are good. Alright, Joey, your turn.

(Same result)

**Eric:** No, looks like it's not you. Edward?

(Same result)

**Eric:** Darn. Next!

(Charles is up, but it's the same result)

**Eric:** No. Next!

(More hugging is heard as the line is seen emptying)

**Eric:** No.

(And again)

**Eric:** No.

(And again)

**Eric:** Nope.

(And for a final time)

**Eric:** Not you either.

(The rat passes through once more)

**Eric:** HEY! YOU THERE! NOT SO FAST! So, did you seriously think being the last one in line can-

(The rat hugs the teddy bear, and much like everybody except for Eric, "0" shows up on the teddy bear's stomach)

**Eric:** Whoops, it's not you either. (hugs the teddy bear) It doesn't make any sense! This should work!

**Joey:** Eric, face it already! ***YOU'RE THE HUGGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***

**Eric:** (shakes his head in disappointment) Joey, I told you that joke's not working.

(Eric hugs the teddy bear yet again, but unlike the previous times, it's much harder. The numbers rapidly increase, going up to "13,052")

**Eric:** I must not be hugging it hard enough!

(It increases to "17,184")

**Eric:** If we could just...give it a little more... (grunts)

(The amount continues increasing up to the billions. Everybody screams as the teddy bear expands)

(Suddenly, it crushes Eric)

(Beat)

**Joey:** Perfect, he hugged himself to death.

(Everyone leaves and parts on their own ways)

**Joey:** Now we can finish lunch.

(Eric groans in pain, causing the teddy bear to squeak)

(Fade to black)

(The next day, Eric is in Mr. Goodman's office, just like the day before)

**Mr. Goodman:** Let me be more clear this time, Eric. I need you, to stop hugging everyone.

(The camera pans out to reveal the teddy bear, and it zooms in. Eric is stuck inside due to yesterday's events)

**Eric:** I still don't get that joke.

(Iris out)

("The End" screen)

(Episode ends)

(The credits scene starts with Igor in the restroom stall, sniffling into his can)

**Edward:** (through the can) Hello?

**Igor:** (hyperventilates) Is this the request line?

**Edward:** Speak up, please.

**Igor:** I have a request!

**Edward:** I'm unable to hear you properly.

(Cut to the DJ set in the brother's room)

**Igor:** (through the radio) ***I SAID I HAVE A REQUEST!!!!!!!!!!!***

**Edward:** (laughs at him) Thank you, caller, but due to the recent rash of hogging, we can no longer take requests.

**Eric:** (singing) B-I-N-G-O! And Bingo was his name-o!

(Igor cries hysterically)

(Closing logos)