6,000 Uncontrollable Buttholes

## Description

SEASON FINALE TIME. The Dragon Friends are warmed up, decked out and ready for bloodshed. Save the maiden! Break the spell!  Like any good home invasion it’s time to murder the homeowner and make out with the loot.

Note, this episode is pretty filthy and it’s all Hing’s fault.

## Synopsis

With Strahd von Zarovich angry and Bobby Pancakes's sword still at Freezo's throat, the situation is tense. Bobby is still disguised as Patrina, and confesses love for Strahd. Strahd wants to believe it, but he cannot. He casts Dispel Magic, and reveals Bobby.

Freezo tries to give Strahd Freezo's Cursed Coins in exchange for killing Edvard Oswick, Freezo's nemesis. As per the coins' power, Strahd begins uncontrollably shitting. He turns into bats, but they also shit. He turns back. They try to fight him. Bobby tries to stake the vampire, but it does not work.

Strahd casts his mass hold person spell again, and transports them all to his laboratory on the fourth floor of the Western wing. The room has been elaborately set as if at a wedding feast. The Dragon Friends find themselves dressed as workers and entertainers at the wedding, with an army of puppets as guests. Baston is dressed as Sergei von Zarovich. Strahd tells them that he decided to mimic Sergei's wedding feast to further convince himself the Ireena Kolyana is Patrina, the one he loves most. He needs her to be Patrina for his spell to work, or at least for him to believe that she is. Strahd pulls Ireena Kolyana from the crypt where the Dragon Friends hid them. Baston is sad to be getting married without his family. Strahd prepares a goblet of poison to kill Baston and Ireena.

Freezo summons Bushu, and knowing that Bushu hates him, tells Freezo that it is his own wedding, counting on Bushu to try to disrupt the wedding. He gets Bushu to throw the goblet of poison in his face, distracting Strahd. Philge finds a spellbook. She casts spell #2, Protection From Good and Evil. This frees the Dragon Friends from the control. Freezo jams healing ointment in Ireena's mouth to safeguard her from poison. Bobby tries to use the magic longsword, but it breaks, with only the blade remaining.

Freezo asks Bobby for the blade and the old hilt they found. Freezo joins them together, remaking the Name Sword of Sergei von Zarovich, the only weapon that can kill Strahd. Philge takes the sword in a Frenzied Rage and cuts Strahd. Baston stabs Strahd in his new wound with a bedpost, and Strahd explodes into dust. The Dragon Friends are sucked into an unknown land.

## People

### Dragon Friends

* Philge
* Freezo
* Bobby Pancakes
* Baston

### Non-Player Characters (NPCs)

* Strahd von Zarovich
* Ireena Kolyana (unconscious)
* Bushu

## Themes, tropes and running jokes

* Milk Dimension
* Freezo's Cursed Coins
* Barbarian/Wizard - Philge casts Spell #2
* Kung Fu Baston
* Cloacas - bats have them
* Philge's Maternal Instinct
* Woke Freezo - Freezo is a canon anti-vaxer

## Quotes

* "Bats are much worse! Bats are a lot worse, I was just 6,000 bats, with 6,000 uncontrollable buttholes... this is bad, but that was worse." - Strahd von Zarovich after Freezo's Cursed Coins give him uncontrollable diarrhea
* "A bat is not a bird." "It's a leather bird!" "No, bats are bugs." "Technically, a bat is a fruit." - Edan, Alex, Simon, & Ben
* "I know you hate me! I know you hate me, I hate me! That's why I do the things I do!" - Freezo to Bobby

## Table Talk

* Dave and his co-DMs (Ben and Edan) get very frustrated that they had the Name Sword of Sergei von Zarovich for the whole time and never thought to look at it.