Presidency of Barbra McCauliffe

The **presidency of** **Barbra McCauliffe** is currently taking place in an alternate reality and has been seen as one of the most unexpected election results in the history of the United States, and this is the country that elected Donald Trump. Because of how bizarre her election is, the fact that she is the first female president of the United States has not been a major focus for analysis of her presidency.

Barbra McCauliffe is not 35 or over and is not an American citizen - she's a British citizen -, which has become a source of confusion for many as to how she became president. Before becoming president, she worked as a graphic designer, so she was not even engaged in politics before her win.

Standing as her own party, her policies have primarily dealt with addressing racism, gun policy, healthcare and people who are obese. She has become known for her insouciance when it comes to formality, instead opting for a more terse, colloquial and non-rehearsed form of communication. Public opinion on McCauliffe's presidency is yet to be collated.

## Time in office

### **Policies**

Although McCauliffe had some bold ideas, she did not engage with her role and spent most of her presidency sat in the Oval Office on her phone watching YouTube clips as her parents did all of her chores for her.

President McCauliffe rarely appeared at official functions and events, but when she did she often kept her speeches unprecedentedly terse and colloquial. On one occasion, she gave a speech outside the White House discussing changes that needed to be made in the country:

> "Right, so, peeps. Do you think you could all just, like, get on? And like, healthcare should be free and you should just get on and like it because I just think it's bare mad that you just ain't getting it and it's about time that you did. Yeah? So, er, let's just do that, shall we? As a nation, yeah?"
>
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On 25 October 2020, McCauliffe chose to also hold the title of Pharaoh of the United States as well as president.

On 20 November 2020, McCauliffe entertained the possibility of establishing her own religion where she was the central prophet.

#### **Literacy**

One of McCauliffe's policies was to change American English to be more in line with British English. This included reverting the changes American English made to spelling of words such as *colour* and *centre*; she implemented spelling these words the British way as opposed to the American way (*color*, *center*).

This also applies to American terms and pronunciation as well, a rule McCauliffe has enforced in the White House. If White House staff are caught using any Americanisms, they can face severe reprimands and even punishments. She once threatened one of her aide's children with starvation if her aide continued to call the canteen a cafeteria.

#### **Vietnam war**

President McCauliffe long held resentment for the fact that the United States lost the Vietnam war. This grievance was addressed one day when veterans from the US Army were invited to the White House. McCauliffe made a rare appearance, presiding over the event.

At her podium, she was expected to make a speech celebrating the courage of the veterans who served (many of whom were present) and honour their sacrifices. However, she focused on the fact that the US lost the Vietnam war instead, highlighting to the veterans their failures and how they were an embarrassment to the nation.

She invited an 80-year-old veteran on stage, who assumed he was going to receive a medal. When he got on the stage, McCauliffe grabbed him and threw him to the ground. A horrified audience watched on as president McCauliffe beat the shit out of a decorated war hero. She then invited his granddaughter to join her on stage and assault her grandfather as well.

After the incident, president McCauliffe ignored many of the press's questions. Instead, she went on her phone and laughed uncontrollably at memes. She tried to show members of the press the memes, but informed them that they were unlikely to find them funny because they "just wouldn't get it, man".

#### **Healthcare**

McCauliffe is an adamant proponent of introducing nationalised healthcare to the US, inspired by the UK's NHS model. However, to avoid the culling of obesity to serve her kink, she introduced a bill that forced McDonald's to give anyone over 300lbs (21 stone) a free Big Mac burger.

#### **COVID-19 pandemic**

McCauliffe has been heavily critical of the United States' COVID-19 response, and has urged the government as well as the public to "stop messin' about" and actually work to tackle the global pandemic. Furthermore, she has extended these criticisms to other countries as well, especially her home nation of the UK.

### **Social media**

McCauliffe was active on social media, but she rarely used it to promote policies or to communicate with the electorate. Instead, she spent most of her presidency tagging Callum in random videos that made no sense to anyone on Instagram.

However, she has increasingly started to use social media more, primarily Twitter. She can found under the username @BMPOTUS, where she sometimes answers questions tweeted to her or discusses policies she's considering. She currently has one follower, who is Spears.

## Political ideology and beliefs

### **Ideology**

Although president McCauliffe has never definitively identified her political leanings, her public beliefs and policies suggest she is centre-left. She believes in nationalised services such as healthcare and intense gun regulation.

## International affairs

### **United Kingdom**

McCauliffe has been very critical of Boris Johnson's government, especially regarding its handling of the COVID-19 pandemic. She shared several stories and tweets delighting in the fact that Prime Minister Johnson's senior adviser Dominic Cummings had been sacked.

## Personnel

### **Cabinet**

There is currently only one confirmed member of McCauliffe's cabinet, her vice president Edgar Spears. Spears has been serving as McCauliffe's *de facto* adviser. In return for his services, she pledged to increase his salary at his request. She also gave him permission to crown himself as King of England.

Spears notoriously hates driving, whereas McCauliffe is a right 'petrol head'. Therefore, the two have struck up an arrangement where McCauliffe, who is technically Spears' senior, acts as his chauffeur. She wears the traditional chauffeur hat and gloves and drives Spears around in luxury cars. She even opens the door for him.

### **Staff**

McCauliffe's staff, including White House staff and her security team, are all chubby men. McCauliffe overhauled the staff uniform and changed the design to only a pair of plain shorts and no top. It is speculated this is related to her fetish for men on the larger side.

Unbeknownst to McCauliffe, her staff also includes Barbra the Elf.