O Holy Moly Night

**O Holy Moly Night** is the sixth episode and season finale of season 1.

## Opening Scene

After Bill burns the whole forest down, the fire chief lets Bill off the hook saying that the fire was accidental, A furious Frank confronts "the pyromaniac" who explains that he was trying to prove Frank was wrong when he called him a little pussy. Frank denies ever having called him that. Kevin, still weating his cape and top hat, then interrups and declares himself the "good son" as he grabs a beer and leaves. Frank tosses his cigarette pack to Bill and tells him to make himself useful and go light Kevin's cape on fire.

## Plot

On Christmas Eve morning, Frank decides to make Bill an alter boy for his punishment. while Sue decorates the house in preparation for the Christmas party (which falls to chaos as the episode goes on), Frank drops him off at the church before heading off to a meeting. Bill's fellow alterboy is none other than Jimmy, who encourages Bill to break the rules. When Bill refuses to help Jimmy break into a safe, he prepares to punch Bill, but slips on a wine puddle, grabs a table cloth and gets conked in the head by a heavy candle holder stand. Bill runs home as he is pursued by Jimmy.

Meanwhile, Maureen spends the day looking for Major, who has run away after being scared off by the explosion. While she searches, Kevin has a job selling Christmas trees for the Sawitzki's. Chuck refuses to pay him unless he sells the last two trees, which no one seems to want. Frustrated, he throws one of the trees which accidentally breaks someone's windshield.

Frank goes to the pizza parlour for their meeting for union negotiations. Bob Pogo and Dunbarton are going to sign the deal on stopping the strike. When Frank gives out the pens, Dunbarton's wife, Brandy, asks if she can have a pen. He tells her the the pens are for Pogo and Dunbarton, but Dunbarton gets offended. This leads Gagliardi and Rosie to call the strike on Mohican Airways.

Meanwhile, when the whole family is in turmoil, Frank is fed up about the strike on Mohican Airways. Maureen gave up on finding Major and sobs, while Frank rants about the family's problems. Even worse, Kevin, bringing along a Christmas tree, told Frank to pay him money before he gets sued. Finally, it couldn't get worse when Bill comes rushing home and tells Frank that Jimmy was going to kill him. Jimmy and his father then show up insisting Frank do something about his psycho kids. The families exchange insults, leading to an all out brawl. The Murphy's win when Sue breaks out a baseball bat. The family is brought together by the camaraderie and things seem to be looking up. Mr. Holtenwasser even brings Major back to the house. Frank catches the protest at the airport on TV and decides he has to go down and do something.

He delivers a speech which actually manages to win over Dunbarton, and the strike is called off. Later, in the parking lot however, Pogo informs Frank he's been fired. In revenge, Frank grabs his boss' keys and drops it on the ground of his car. Because of his boss' obesity, he is unable to grab his keys and is forced to stay in the car overnight on Christmas Eve.

When Frank arrives home, he has a short conversation with Vic, whose party had already concluded. VIc admits that he envies the life Frank has. Vic takes some consideration in being a family man, when suddenly, he proceeds to play with a reindeer while Frank goes inside to face his friends and family after being fired by Dunbarton.

## Characters

### Major

* Frank Murphy
* Sue Murphy
* Kevin Murphy
* Bill Murphy
* Maureen Murphy
* Major
* Roger Dunbarton
* Brandy Dunbarton
* Rosie Roosevelt
* Louis Gagliardi
* Father Pat
* Jimmy Fitzsimmons
* Mr. Fitzsimmons

### Minor

* Goomer
* Vic Reynolds
* Reid Harrison (Colt Luger)
* Bing Crosby
* Chuck Sawitzki
* Doreen
* Bob Pogo
* Carl
* Red
* Otto Holtenwasser
* Jim Jeffords
* Gary (Cameo)
* Babe Bonfiglio (Non-Speaking Cameo)
* Marie Bonfiglio (Non-Speaking Cameo)
* Evelyn (Non-Speaking Cameo)

## Trivia

* **Title Reference:** An allusion to the phrase "Holy Moly", and the classic Christmas song "O Holy Night", which is played on the radio (performed by Haley Reinhart) and Frank sings along to in his car on the way home.
* This episode marks the first appearance of Father Pat.
* Bill is forced to be an altar boy for burning down the forest in the previous episode.
* Bill temporarily gains Jimmy's respect.
* This is the season 1 finale.
* This episode takes place on December 24, 1973.
* This episode features the only known mention of Dunbarton's daughter, whom the union believed Brandy, Dunbarton's wife, was. It's noted that Dunbarton actually confirmed he has a daughter.
* The song that plays during the end credits is "Here Comes That Rainy Day Feeling Again" by The Fortunes.

## Quotes

**Frank:** This is the real world, Susan! If this doesn't work out, next year we'll be having Christmas on *Skid Row!*
**Sue:** Keep your voice down! *(sternly)* We have to put on a brave face for the kids.
**Frank:** The Kids!? Who? The Flunkie? The Pyro? Mr. Fuckin' Coconut? Face it, Sue! Our family is pretty fucked up!
**Sue:** How dare you say that!

**Frank:** Oh, so help me God, if I started building walls today, and didn't stop for the next ten years, there still wouldn't be enough of them to FUCKING PUT YOU THROUGH!!!
**Kevin:** Hang on, hang on, hang on. We're all forgetting something very important. I am now the good son (takes soda from the fridge). Deal with it (slurps).
**Frank:** *(throws Bill a lighter)* Hey. Make yourself useful. Go light your brother's cape on fire.

**Kevin:** I'm out of here, anyway. I have a job to go to. Because now, I'm the *responsible* son! (looks at his watch) Oh shit, an hour late!

**Dunbarton:** *(On TV)* ***\*YOU SHOULD ALL BE SHOT!!!\****
**Bill:** Dad, your friend's on TV.
**Frank:** Nah, nah, nah, that's just my boss, not my friend.
**Sue:** You gotta go down there, don't you?
**Frank:** If I don't, it's just gonna get worse.
**Sue:** OK, you go do what you gotta do. We'll be here for you. *(Kissing each other)*
**Kevin:** Get a room!
**Frank:** Fuck you. Get an apartment.

**Bill:** *(nervously laughs)* Can I ask you something? Why haven't you killed me yet?
**Jimmy:** Took a lot of balls to go psycho like that. And I respect the fuck out of balls!

   **Brandy:** Can I get a pen, too.
**Frank:** Oh, no, it's just for those two. There's only two pens.
**Dunbarton:** What are you saying? Brandy isn’t good enough to have a pen?
   **Frank:** No, she's great. It's just that she's not signatory of this legal document.
**Dunbarton:** *(stands up staring at Frank)* So she's a common whore, is that right?
**Frank:** No, that's not what I'm saying.
**Dunbarton:** *(angry)* You think she's just my ***FUCK DOLL?!***
**Frank:** Everybody thinks that, but I don't!
**Rosie:** What the hell is goin' on?
**Frank:** Yes, come on! Let's just focus on signing the deal!
**Dunbarton:** *(cold)* There is no deal!
**Louis Gagliardi:** *(strictly)* Then we are calling this strike, **RIGHT NOW!!!**
**Dunbarton:** ***GO AHEAD!!!*** I wouldn't shake the hand of ***ANY*** man who disrespects my wife!
**Phineas:** I thought that was your daughter.
**Roger:** *(angrily)* You think I'd fuck something as old as my daughter?! ***I WILL DROWN YOU!!!***
**Frank:** *(shocked)* No, no, no, no! Put that away!

**Kevin:** *(walks in carrying 2 Christmas trees)* Dad, I need 20 bucks so I can tell my boss I sold these trees. And 50 bucks to fix a guy's wind shield.
**Frank:** Exhibit A!
**Maureen:** I looked everywhere and I still can't find Major. *(cries)* What if he's dead?
**Frank:** Oh, then he's the lucky one!
**Sue:** Frank Murphy, you stop that right now! Honey, he didn't mean that.
**Kevin:** Seriously, dad. I need that money. The guy said he might sue you.
**Frank:** *(angry)* Well, he'd better do it quick!
(*Bill enters the house and slams the door)*
**Bill:** Jimmy Fitzsimmons is coming to kill me!
**Frank:**Oh, there you go, perfect! Let's just bring all the bad news at once! **WHOO!** Come on, Santa! My mouth's wide open! Fly up on the roof and shit down my neck!

**Frank:** Can I help you?
**Mr. Fitzsimmons:** *(angry)* Your kid almost killed my kid!
**Frank:** *(smug)* Little prick looks okay to me.
**Mr. Fitzsimmons:** *(angry)* He tried to get my son to rob the church!
**Bill:** That's not true!
**Jimmy:** Yes it is, you liar!
**Kevin:** Leave Bill alone, Piss-Breath!
**Jimmy:** It's not my fault. I have a dead tooth.
**Maureen:** Go away, Jimmy!
**Jimmy:** She tried to gouge my eyes out.
**Mr. Fitzsimmons:** Christ! Are all your kids psycho?
**Frank:** Hey, hey! Nobody calls one of my kids psycho except me!
**Bill:** Thanks, dad!
**Frank:** **SHUT UP!** *(to Mr. Fitzsimmons)* You are way out of line coming over to my house, and insulting my family. You owe us all an apology.
**Mr. Fitzsimmons:** Ooh, "apology". Somebody went to college.
**Frank:** I didn't go to college! I went to Korea!
**Mr. Fitzsimmons:** You should've stayed there, you piece of sh\*t!
**Sue:** Watch your mouth
**Mr. Fitzsimmons:** Mind your own business you f\*cking nosy bitch!

**Mr. Fitzsimmons:** Your whole family's crazy!
**Frank:** I got the best family in this whole goddamn town! And don't you ever come back!
**Kevin:** You mean that about us?
**Frank:** *(catches his breath)* You're damn right I do.