Spawn vs Alucard

**Spawn vs Alucard** is the 19th episode of DEATH BATTLE! But it's DBX, featuring Spawn from *Image Comics* and Alucard from *Hellsing* series in a battle between darkest gunslingers.

## Description

Two lords of darkness battle! Which servant of death will reign supreme?

## Interlude

(\*Cues: Wiz and Boomstick - Brandon Yates\*)
Wiz: Spawn, who managed to dethrone both Satan and God.

**Boomstick: Alucard, undying enforcer of the Hellsing Organization.**

Wiz: Vampires. The spawn of nightmare's form from the blackest pits of man's demented imagination.

**Boomstick: Anime. Basically the same thing. What do you get when you combine them? Two of the meanest monsters out there! He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.**

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.

## Spawn

(\*Cues: Spawn in the Demon's Hand - Opening Sequence (Arcade Version)\*)

Wiz: Al Simmons was trained to be a deadly, stealthy soldier and assassin, and proved numerous times he was the best of the best. But when his morality got the better of him, his boss terminated his contract... permanently.

**Boomstick: That's when Simmons met Malebolgia, one of the Demon Lords of Hell, who struck a deal with him: He'd get to see his wife again if he became captain of Hell's armies. He agreed and was reborn as a Hellspawn. But as with most demons, it tricked him, leaving Spawn with a fate worse than death. And of course, Spawn swore revenge!**

(\*Cues: Spawn The Eternal - Track 6\*)

Wiz: Being a Hellspawn, he has superhuman strength and speed. He is nearly invulnerable and can use his own powers to heal and regenerate.

**Boomstick: In addition, Spawn can feed off the evil auras of others for the same effect. It really saves him on Band-Aids!**

Wiz: He wears a living parasitic-symbiotic suit named Leetha of the 7th House of K.

**Boomstick: Leetha has ridiculous powers. Basically, anything she or Spawn wants to happen can happen. The suit can create and control chains, claws, spikes, and morph itself into pretty much anything Spawn wants, like a badass cape that can drag enemies and protect Spawn from all sorts of danger.**

Wiz: The suit has a mind of its own, and can operate while Spawn focuses on other parts of the battle. It is strong enough to easily smash through brick, and fast enough to block bullets. However, Leetha feeds off necroplasm energy when using the suit's powers, a hellish matter which Spawn is entirely composed of. If Leetha uses too much, Spawn will be sent back to Hell. However, like Spawn, Leetha can also feed off the evil and sin of others.

**Boomstick: Spawn's also got tons of magic powers. He can teleport, transform, blow things up, turn invisible, alter matter, talk to animals, fly with his cape, read minds, and open portals to Heaven and Hell. Ho-oly crap!**

Wiz: And he can control the elements, often using fire and water to defeat swarms of enemies. However, even with all these godlike abilities, Spawn usually resorts to his most primitive weapon. As he was trained in Special Forces for so long, Spawn is most comfortable using a gun. He is an expert in the use of nearly any firearm imaginable.

**Boomstick: Only two things can break through Spawn's defenses and hurt him: Necro-magic and holy weapons forged in Heaven. In addition, he can only die if he's beheaded.**

Wiz: Spawn killed all sorts of powerful enemies - assassins, cyborgs, vampires, ghosts, Angels, Demons, other Hellspawn, rampaging deities, even Satan and God. Yes, that old lady is *the* God.

**Boomstick: Really? God looks like my nanna... Am I a demigod?**

Wiz: And after being granted unlimited power from the Mother of all things, Spawn banished God and Satan from the Earth, which he wiped clean and rebuilt in his own image. He then willingly sacrificed his own God powers and eventually returned to his Hellspawn form.

**Boomstick: Oh, why the hell would he do that? He must've been really bored!**

*Spawn blows up a wall.*

*Spawn: Knock, knock!*

## Alucard

Wiz: How blessed are some people who's lives have no fears, no dreads, for though the world seems full of good men, there are monsters in it.

**Boomstick: But don't worry, jolly old England has it covered with the Hellsing organization.**

Wiz: Founded by famous vampire hunter, Abraham van Helsing, and led by his descendant, Integra, this secret government's insitution saved the world time and again with their secret weapon.

**Boomstick: And what better weapon to hunt vampires than with one of their very own, the No-life King, the Bird of Hermes, Alucard.**

Wiz: To most, his origin is shrouded in mystery. But under Hellsing's employ, he was molded into an elite hunter, made even more vicious by his intense hatred of his fellow vampire kind.

**Boomstick: A hatred that he expresses with two of the gnarliest handguns you'll ever pray to your infinite god to never see in person.**

Wiz: Alucard's primary sidearm is the Casull, a behemoth of a handgun able to kill most undead in one shot with holy bullets that can nullify a vampire's healing factor.

**Boomstick: The Jackal is the handgun she told you not to worry about, sixteen inches long and weighing thirty-five pounds, it's armor-piercing hollow-point bullets, jacketed in blessed in Macedonian silver were built to annihilate the toughest monsters.**

Wiz: And after decades of clandestine experimentation, Hellsing enhanced Alucard's vampiric abilities far beyond the norm.

**Boomstick: Alucard can walk through walls, cast illusions, levitate and move objects with his mind. Objects like say, an ocean of over three million people's blood?! That would be an energy worth of half a ton of TNT.**

Wiz: His psychic prowess allows him to read minds, communicate telepathically, hypnotize with a glance and see through hallucinations with his third eye.

**Boomstick: He's not a triclops, it's more of a sixth sense that lets him hit bullseyes from a kilometer away and even predict movements. Kinda like the Sharingan.**

Wiz: Of course, he wouldn't be a real vampire if he couldn't drink blood. The catch is, when he drinks enough blood to kill you, he literally absorbs your soul. And that right there is the source of his fearsome ability.

**Boomstick: You just can't kill this son of a bitch. Shoot him into swiss cheese, blow his ass to smithareens, turn him into a literal blood puddle, he'll just regenerate his body lickety-split. We've seen some overpowered healing factors on this show before, but Alucard's is just bullshit.**

(Cut to Wiz and Boomstick.)

Wiz: While he does possess blood and organs like a regular human, Alucard's body is, in reality, composed of an ethereal shadow-like substance that he can morph anyway he wants. This allows him to shapeshift and instantly heal any wound, and each soul Alucard can consume acts as an extra life that he can spend whenever he's fatally injured. Kinda like a videogame.

**Boomstick: And after five hundred years of unlife, Alucard has consumed literally millions of souls!**

(99 Bottles appears out of nowhere)

*99 Bottles: ORA!*

(99 Bottles then turns Wiz into a giant can of beer again)

**Boomstick: Yay, more beer!**

(But surprisingly, Wiz reverts back to himself)

Wiz: Just like me.

*99 Bottles: ORA!*

(99 Bottles turns Wiz into a giant beer... again)

**Boomstick: Hellsing needed a beast fearsome as Alucard to take on Millennium, AKA Nazi vampires. That's like evil squared.**

Wiz: Like when Millennium S.S. lieutenant, Rip Van Winkle commandeered a British aircraft carrier as a part of an invasion of London.

**Boomstick: Alucard didn't like that very much so he jack-knifed it with an SR-71 Blackbird at Mach 3.**

Wiz: A fully loaded Blackbird weighs a hundred and seventy thousand pounds, meaning it struck with a kinetic energy of eleven tons of TNT. That's as powerful as the U.S.' Massive Ordnance Air Blast.

**Boomstick: AKA, the Mother of All Bombs! And Al was in the middle of that and strolled down like it was nothin’.**

Wiz: Just as impressive as intercepting Rip's magic bullets. Comparing the distance one bullet moved to the jet in the same time frame as the jet's own movement, each bullet would have to be moving at fifteen hundred times the speed of sound.

**Boomstick: And Alucard caught one with his frickin' teeth! And after giving Rip's name a new meaning, he drove that aircraft carrier back to shore with his mind to fight two seperate armies at the same time. What a goddamn monster!**

Wiz: It goes without saying that Alucard's immense power and bloodlust needed to be controlled, so six restriction levels were placed on him that he can release against dangerous opponents.

**Boomstick: Level 6 through 2 are for wrecking your ordinary ghouls, Level 1 is for your heavy duty vampires and for getting this gnarly demon doggo made from his shadow essence, Baskerville.**

Wiz: But there exists an even greater state of power Alucard can release when he wants to end the world, Level 0.

**Boomstick: Once activated, Level 0 releases every soul Alucard has consumed as a sea of blood-soaked zombies. All three million of them.**

Wiz: Sure, with his souls gone, he can't heal easily and if his heart is destroyed, he'll die permanently. But the sheer numbers and power of this army from hell makes him virtually impossible to approach in the first place.

**Boomstick: He's unstoppable. This guy's got to be like the king of all vampires.**

Wiz: Indeed, he is. Hellsing purposely kept Alucard's true identity a secret. All in the codename. Alucard backwards is-

**Boomstick: Dracula?! Yeah duh, Wiz. Idiot.**

Wiz: Over five hundred years ago, the Wallachian Voivode, Vlad Dracula battled the Ottoman Turks for control over Eastern Europe and impaled thousands of people in the process, hence his historical name, Vlad the Impaler.

**Boomstick: But things didn't end up too good for him. Right before his execution, he took a big ol' sip of some blood for the battlefield. Sacrificing his humanity in order to become an immortal creature of the night.**

Wiz: And that is when the legend was born, but it wasn't anything Dracula was proud of, he grew to despise his monstrous nature and saw it as cowardice. The main reason he hated other vampires so much was that he really hated himself.

**Boomstick: Aw, that's deep, Wiz. Maybe that's why he always lets his enemies rip into him like a piñata of self-loathing. His crazy OP healing factor will fix everything anyways.**

Wiz: Millennium would exploit this arrogance by tricking Alucard to absorbing the soul and abilities of Schrödinger, a german catboy who controls his own quantum state. This grants him pseudo-omnipresence and immortality. He can exist everywhere and nowhere and can not die so long as he can recognize his own existence.

**Boomstick: But because Al had three million souls kicking around inside him, Schrödy couldn't recognize himself anymore forcing him and thus Alucard to fade out of existence.**

Wiz: So Alucard spent thirty years killing the other three million souls inside of him until he can return to reality and his master. He undid his own unexistence.

**Boomstick: No matter how spoopy the threat, Alucard will show no mercy, he's just waiting for the day he meets a noble human warrior strong enough to end his unlife for good.**

Wiz: But should he face a fellow monster, a fool who rejected their humanity like himself, he'll let loose the dogs of war and all hell will sing.

*Alucard: I'm a dog? Then you're dog food.*

(He then unleashes Baskerville to devour Luke Valentine.)

## Death Battle

(\*Cues: DEATH BATTLE! But it's DBX: Coldest of the Bloods)

**KO!**

## Results

*Timon: Aye, great hog is a stupid.*

*Pumbaa: But i am a hog!*

Wiz: The winner is Spawn.

*Pumbaa: You really think I look fat?*

*Timon: Uhh, Pumbaa, Pumbaa, Pumbaa. You're a pig. It's a compliment!*

*Pumbaa: Oh-ho-ho. Thank you!*