Silly Master-Bait System

Named after Sega's Master System, This is considered **NSFW!!**

## Intro

* **Melvin:** Now, the shocking scenes will be seen tonight, so that we can bring you the following special presentation.

## Bus Trip

* **Ernie:** Hey Bert, what are we going to do for entertainment?
* **Bert:** Why don't we watch some of those anime bath movies?
* **Violet:** *[enters a stage and shouts on the microphone in anger]* Everyone, sit down and shut the f\*ck up! God damn it! Stupid \*ss man! They're all the same! All men care about is sex! He spent two hours getting ready for that stupid party! And when the bastard checks out my body, he just says, **"Hey, did you used to be a football player?"** What's it matter?!

* **Charlie Brown:** Good Grief.

* **Violet:** *[gets into Charlie Brown's face]* Did I say something to you, blockhead?!

* **Charlie Brown:** *[worried]* No.

* **Violet:** *[heads back to the blackboard]* You make me sick! You're well on your field trip, who only think with their love! We are going somewhere! Somewhere to Explore!

* **Linus:** Have you lost your mind?
* *[At the Bus]*

* **Rerun:** Come On Everybody! Well, time to go. Don't want to be late. Have fun, bye-bye.
* **Charlie Brown:** Now, you won't forget my instructions, will you?
* **Rerun:** I have the memory of an elephant.
* **Charlie Brown:** Right, yeah, right. *[takes a seat and the bus drives off]* So long, Rerun!

* *[Later, at a mountain pass, Big Bird is driving the passengers somewhere going uphill. The passengers are sitting down. Cookie Monster has an entire two-tiered chocolate cake in his lap.]*

* **Big Bird:** Be careful back there! These roads are serious!

* **Ernie:** Hey, Cookie Monster!

* **Cookie Monster:** What?

* **Ernie:** Are you gonna share any of that cake from the convenience store with the rest of us?

* **Cookie Monster:** Hmmm, let me see. Yes!

* **Bert:** You shouldn't be eating all that cake anyway!

* **Cookie Monster:** Mmm. *[Gives Ernie and Bert Slices]* It's chocolaty and delightful.

* **Ernie:** Thanks Cookie Monster!

* **Elmo:** Whoa, The road is really snowy out there.

* **Linus:** I know, but, it's really snowy on the Mountain.

* **Cookie Monster:** Mmm. If can't possibly finish this whole cake. Oh, yes I can share! *[gives the other passengers pieces. Suddenly, the bus comes to a halt at a road block.]*

* **Big Bird:** Oh Dear!

* *[The sign reads: Road Closed due to Avalanche. Detour at your own risk.]*
* **Big Bird:** Oh, I Don't believe this! *[He starts up the bus and takes the detour.]*

* **Bully #1:** *[On a Helicopter]* They Will Never Cross Now! *[The Bullies Laugh as Bully #1 holds a paint gun and shoots black ink on the front window]*
* **Big Bird:** *[Gasps]* What's Going On?! *[He is unable to see for a road shoulder where the road starts to turn.]* Whoa oh. *[He slams the brakes on, but the bus goes over the shoulder and tumbles down the side of the hill.]*
* *[The passengers tumble all over the place and scream, but Cookie Monster just munches away on the cake, quite undisturbed. The bus bounces on the bottom of the hill and lands on a river upright, floating on down.]*
* **Elmo:** I'm Doomed!
* **Linus:** Me Too!
* *[Near the river, a guide is taking a couple bird-watching.]*
* **Guide:** ...And right up here you can see a red-bellied chickadee. They're indigenous to this area. *[The guide walks forward. The man takes a picture of the chickadee. In the background, the bus falls past them.]*
* **Woman:** What was that?
* *[At the foot of the waterfall. The bus plunges into the water and bobs up facing backwards. It is carried further down until the river bends. Then the bus is washed up onto the river bank, on the other side of which the bus stops.]*
* **Cookie Monster:** All Done!
* *[Cookie Monster takes his seat, but leaves the cake tin on the floor. The rest of the passengers moan and groan, and they are strewn all over the bus.]*
* **Grover:** Where are we?
* **Bert:** I have no idea.
* **Ernie:** I think we're in a very safe spot.
* **Violet:** Yeah, what are we supposed to do?
* **Big Bird:** Just keep your trap shut. I'll consult the manual. *[He goes to the disc drawer.]* You all have to watch a training video.
* *[The video starts.]*
* **Trainer:** Welcome to tape 7 of the bus driver's video guidebook. What to do if you become stranded. By now you've calmed down the passengers and kept order by using the perfect technique. Now, it's time to get help. The most important thing to remember is that the passengers will be safe as long as they stay on the bus. So do not, under any circumstances, let any passengers off the bus. The best way to achieve this is to tell them something like, 'A big scary monster will eat you if you step off the bus.' With the passengers properly subdued, you can leave the bus and go out looking for assistance. And remember your bus driver's code: 'Sit down. And follow the rules!'
* **Big Bird:** You Know What he Said? I'm going for help. I'll be back as soon as I can. Remember. Don't get off this bus, or a big scary monster **WILL EAT YOU!**
* *[He gets off the bus and walks down the river bank. The bus teeters a bit.]*
* **Linus:** I Will do What we Say Big Bird! We will Trust You!
* *[Shows a roadside. Big Bird has found a vertical path leading down to the road and climbs down some large boulders. Snoopy in his Motorcycle sees Big Bird, then stops.]*
* **Snoopy:** Whoa uh heh hello, Big Bird. Need a Pitch?
* **Big Bird:** Yes. I Got a busload of kids forced locked in! I need to get help.
* **Snoopy:** Sure. Hold on Tight! *[Gives Big Bird a Helmet and they continue off]*

## That Night

* *[At Night in the Bus]*
* **Charlie Brown:** You guys. What if Big Bird doesn't come back, and we be all trapped here forever? *[The Other Passengers Gasps]*
* **Linus:** We couldn't get trapped here forever, Charlie Brown. We'd die after a couple of days.
* **Charlie Brown:** AAUGH! I don't wanna die on this. How long is this goin' to take?
* **Peppermint Patty:** Would you just relax Chuck? We've been in **a worse river-racing situation** than this and come out of it just fine.
* **Petunia:** I can't take it anymore! I have to get out of here!
* **Elmo:** No, wait! You heard what Big Bird said: there's a big black scary monster out there!
* **Petunia:** *[Singing]*I don't care, I love it, I love it. Well, I'm not gonna sit here and wait to die with the rest of you! If I can make it back, I'll send help.
* *[Petunia hops off the bus and the rest of the passengers goes over to the left side of the bus to see her off.]*
* **Charlie Brown:** Hmm. Maybe Big Bird did make up that stuff about the big black monster.
* **Grover:** Well, I guess nobody else will be getting off the bus.
* **Elmo:** Good Thing we're healthy.
* **Violet:** Now if you want to sleep, Go Ahead! I Should Put on some Entertainment with my headphones on. *[Puts a disc into the disc player]*
* **Ernie:** *[Quiet]*Goodnight... ...Don't Get Nightmares.
* *[Shows Pinkini, Blonde Ponytail and Blue-Hair at a Hot Tub]*

* **Blonde Ponytail:** Pinkini, I'm really sorry. It's just that at the party you said you like being with men, so I thought you were a-

* **Pinkini:** Ā ā!! Of course I haven't. I mean... really I don't even understand how two women can make love. I mean un, unless they just kinda panties or something.

* **Blonde Ponytail:** There are a lot of ways to make love, Babe.

* **Pinkini:** I guess I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little ...titillated.

* **Blonde Ponytail:** Could I... maybe kiss you? Let your inhibitions go. Let's just have fun tonight. *[they hold hands]* No commitments. Just fun. *[they kiss]*

* *[Pinkini, Blue-Hair and Blonde Ponytail are doing sex in the bath.]*

* **Pinkini:** O-O-O-O-OOH! Oh yeah, kinky pinky booty!

* **Blonde Ponytail:** Crazy Crazy!

* *[Bedroom, later. The Trio are going at it in bed.]*
* **Pinky:** Ohh yeah! Pump dat Booty!
* **Blue-Hair:** Ohh, that feels so supercool!
* **Blonde Ponytail:** Yeah, Woo-hoo!

## The Rescue

* *[shows up to see Snoopy jump the buses. Belle, Spike and The Pink Panther are cheering]*
* **Crazy-Legs Crane:** Go, Snoopy!
* **Toro:** You can do it, Snoopy.
* **Pancho:** We believe in you, Snoopy.
* *[Snoopy heads for the ramp. He passes it and turns around, does a wheelie, and goes for the jump. He sails over the buses and lands. He gets close to the crowd and loses control. Everybody but Wile E. Coyote gets out of the way. Wile E. Coyote holds up a sign saying "WOE IS ME". Snoopy's bike smashes him into the brick wall and bounces off, and Snoopy sails over the wall. After a moment, Wile E. Coyote drops, and Snoopy gets up behind the wall.]*
* **Snoopy: What Have I Done?** *[Road Runner stops at Snoopy]*
* **Road Runner:** Meep Meep! *[Speeds Off]*
* **Crazy-Legs Crane:** *[At the Big Bird Bus]* Come on, everybody!
* **Passengers:** Hooray!
* **Crazy-Legs Crane:** Ah-are you okay, Chuck?
* **Charlie Brown:** I just dreamed that I was flying on a kite, except that it was all wrong and everything ended with me and the Little Red-Haired Girl eating ice cream.
* **Crazy-Legs Crane:** Oh. Well. Would you like some cereal for breakfast?
* **Charlie Brown:** Yes, please.
* **Snoopy: Hey Everyone!**
* **Big Bird: I'm Proud you Stayed.**
* **Elmo:** Yeah, I dreamed that I was a Centaur, and then Hatsune Miku rode on me, and then Rin Kagamine gave me kisses and fed me noodles.
* **Linus:** Well, I was standing out in a field, and I had this huge satellite dish sticking out of my pants. And then there was... hundreds of Cake Dogs and Present Cats, and then I went up on the ship and the Pope Hat Blonde gave me rainbow glasses.
* **Crazy-Legs Crane:** You Want to Go Home?
* **Ernie:** Sure.
* **Bert:** We Need to Get Home Now...