Stuck

Andy Karl as Phil surrounded by the healers in the Broadway production.

"**Stuck**" is the ninth song of Act One of *Groundhog Day*.

Phil Connors goes to see a number of doctors after repeatedly waking up on February 2nd, all of who suggest him alternative medicines.

## Lyrics

**[HEALER]**

I have a degree

**[PHIL CONNORS]**

*That's nice*

**[HEALER]**

In alternative therapy

**[PHIL]**

*Okay*

**[HEALER]**

Took an online course for a week or two

**[PHIL]**

*Maybe we should –*

**[HEALER]**

I think we should begin with a nice bit of Reiki

**[PHIL]**

*Reiki?*

**[HEALER]**

Unblock your Chi

**[PHIL]**

*What's Chi?*

**[HEALER]**

It's doo be doo be tra la la

It's holistic therapy

**[PHIL]**

What does that mean?

**[HEALER]**

It's energy

Vibrations in something magnets

And doo-be-diddly-pom-pom-pom,

Now piss!

**[PHIL]**

*What?*

**[HEALER]**

Piss!

**[PHIL]**

*I just –*

**[HEALER]**

Piss into this

**[PHIL]**

*I don't have –*

**[HEALER #1]**

I'll analyze your isotopes

And something, something, quantum, quantum

**[PHIL]**

I'm stuck! I'm just –

**[NATUROPATH]**

I think you're allergic to gluten

**[PHIL]**

Stuck! I'm... It's like,

I feel like I'm trapped in a loop,

Like I'm unstuck in time

**[NATUROPATH]**

Well I think cutting out gluten

**[PHIL]**

I'm...

**[NATUROPATH]**

Is the smartest solution

**[PHIL]**

Fine

**[NATUROPATH]**

That or a diet of soup

**[PHIL]**

*Soup?*

**[NATUROPATH]**

Made of rhino foreskin

**[PHIL]**

I think I've lost my mind

**[NATUROPATH]**

How about

**[PHIL]**

I can't seem to find my way out of...

**[NATUROPATH]**

An enema?!

**[PHIL]**

*What?*

**[NATUROPATH]**

Would you like an enema?

**[PHIL]**

Existentially, I'm –

**[NATUROPATH]**

Some essential oils

**[PHIL]**

Essentially I'm –

**[NATUROPATH]**

Organic teas

**[PHIL]**

Who needs enemas with friends like – ?

**[NATUROPATH & HEALER]**

I don't even know if I believe what I'm saying,

This guy is clearly nuts, but he is desperate and he's paying,

Statistically, he might as well be sitting home and praying

For all the good that I can do,

I don't have a frickin clue what I'm doing

Though there are things that we just don't know,

It doesn't mean you shouldn't give giving an answer a go

**[NATUROPATH]**

Now open your buttocks a wee bit

**[PHIL]**

I'm not sure how this will help

**[NATUROPATH & HEALER]**

I just want to get to the bottom of it

**[PHIL]**

I'm stuck! I'm just stuck!

**[PSYCHIATRIC PHARMACOLOGIST]**

I have a PhD

**[PHIL]**

*Finally*

**[PSYCHIATRIC PHARMACOLOGIST]**

In psychiatric pharmacology, I specialize in mental illness –

**[PHIL]**

Good

**[PSYCHIATRIC PHARMACOLOGIST]**

In cows

**[PHIL]**

*What?*

**[PSYCHIATRIC PHARMACOLOGIST]**

Let's treat your depression with a course of Fluoxital

**[PHIL]**

*I'm not depressed*

**[PSYCHIATRIC PHARMACOLOGIST]**

You're not?

**[PHIL]**

*No*

**[PSYCHIATRIC PHARMACOLOGIST]**

You must be delusional

So take some Acepromazine and a couple of Clocapramine

And quietly I'd advise ya' to try this tranquilizer

Although maybe you should just take half

**[PHIL]**

*Okay*

**[PSYCHIATRIC PHARMACOLOGIST]**

It says whole ones for cows,

**[PHIL]**

*I'm not a –*

**[PSYCHIATRIC PHARMACOLOGIST]**

And half for calfs!

**[PHIL]**

Right

**[HEALER, NATUROPATH & PSYCHIATRIC PHARMACOLOGIST]**

I don't even know if I believe what I'm saying,

This guy is clearly nuts, but he is desperate and he's paying,

Statistically, he might as well be sitting home and praying

For all the good that I can do, I don't have a frickin clue

**[SCIENTOLOGIST]**

In my medicine cupboard

There's a bunch of L. Ron Hubbard

**[AA GUY]**

There are only twelve steps and they shouldn't take long

**[NATUROPATH]**

We just need a sample of your stool and your semen

**[PRIEST]**

You have Satan within you, we must exorcise your demons!

**[PSYCHIATRIC PHARMACOLOGIST]**

Take this pill!

**[SCIENTOLOGIST]**

Read this book!

**[NATUROPATH]**

Eat your vegetables uncooked!

**[HEALER]**

It's your karma!

**[NATUROPATH]**

It's just toxins!

**[PSYCHIATRIC PHARMACOLOGIST]**

It's for constipated oxens!

**[EXPERTS]**

Well that oughta loosen you up

**[PHIL]**

*What the f...?!*

**[PRIEST]**

A check is fine!

**[PHIL]**

Fine

**[EXPERTS]**

Karma! Toxins! Enema! Oxen! Jesus! Xenu!

**[GUS & RALPH]**

Alcohol!