Aisling

We all know an **Aisling**\*\*. She's your stereotypical friend who carries her court shoes to work in a bag while pounding the pavement with her MBTs on the walk in from Rathmines. Aisling loves a Colours Night in the Portobello and a cheeky Coors Light in Mc Gowans of Phibsboro. She keeps all of her Laser receipts and checks them off against her bank statement. She has a loyalty card from both Tesco and Dunnes but not Marks and Spencer, have you seen the prices in there? Aisling loves a good bit of drying and thinks tumble driers are a sinful waste. She enjoys a good removal and heads home to (insert appropriate culchie location here) whenever Memmeh needs her to be a good daughter. Aisling doubles up on contraception...using both anti-babby pills and french letters...just in case. Although she has been seeing Generic John for 5 and a half years and has never even had a scare. Aisling has NEVER dyed her hair BUT bear in mind...don't get too smug. We ALL have a bit of Aisling in us.

\*\*no offence intended to people actually named Aisling.

## Types of Aislings

Aisling may take different roles, but the face and mannerisms somewhat remain the same.

### **Primary School Teacher Aisling**

A graduate of St. Pats, missed out on a permanent job is a "disadvantaged" school in order to teach in a delightful scóil around Drumcondra, whiere she is on god hours, but they are not hers, and she is not yet permanent, but got the job through a friend of Granny Aislings niece who is the Mother Superior of the convent attached to the school. Aisling relishes teaching Irish, PE and Religion, and is delighted to have the coveted 2nd class commmunion group this year. Primary Teacher Aisling insists on all names in her roll book being as Gaeilge and relishes the challenge of putting Irish on any name that comes before her. So for example, Shakira Smith becomes Seacaíra Nic Ghabhann, Muhammad is "a Mhícilín", Britney=Britní, Katarzyna = Caitríona. Sometimes her precious "leathan le leathan, caol le caol" rule is compromised but then "there's always the exception that proves the rule!". All Polish boys are called "Pól".

### **Home Economics/PE Teacher Aisling**

Butch, and a Camogie player at the weekends. Aisling loves to deliver the finest in Irish cuisine, be it a nice stew, cooking and gutting fish, weaving, sewing, Aisling is queen of it all.

### **Bank Aisling/All Star Women Camogie Aisling for Contae Maigh Éo**

Mild mannered Bank clerk in BOI Camden Street during theghlgkhjlfffffffffffffyk, Women's GAA all star at the weekend. A fierce Camogie queen, but shite with numbers, despite holding said bank job. Is often seen power walking through Rathmines in the morning in her MBT's as part of her Routine. Sometimes goes to Spin or "run" (walk) on the treadmill in Swan Leisure on the way home with Tallaght Jacinta and Caoimhe who works nearby, as its on their way home as part of the Never ending battle.

### **Weight Watchers Leader Aisling**

Mid thirties Aisling, after having battled the bulge (to limited success) runs her local WW clinic. This is where her passive aggresive nature truly shines. "Oh, did you reallllly only eat 2/3 of your points this week, I dont seeee HOW you could be up half a stone Marie, are ye sure ye didn't have a few cheeky choc ices now?".

### **Office Aisling Senior receptionist/Admin Aisling**

Senior receptionist Aisling comments on the time everyone comes in and leaves the office. Morning "Oh 9.15, isn't it lovely to have a lie in mid-week. Couldn't do it myself, it's so busy here." Evening (at 4.30) "Have you a half day? Lucky for some" She believes the place would fall apart without her and makes everything her job. She is fire warden, health and safety officer and has made herself guardian of all the stationary. "Are you taking another pen there Liam? Didn't you take one yesterday? Was it faulty? They don't grow on trees you know." Also she is self-appointed keeper of the seating plan. Should someone move desks without telling her she will stomp around reception all day muttering that they are all 'a law unto themselves'

### **Civil Service Aisling- Department of Agriculture**

A job for life, Aisling got the cushy number in the Department of Agriculture (naturally) which she likes to attribute to her A1 in Ag Science back in the day. SHe used to work with Ursula, until she was transferred to the department of Social and Family Affairs back in the day. Aisling Relishes her role as a clerical officer doing what clerical officers do.

### **Civil Service Aisling - ​Da Welfare**

Social Welfare office Aisling is that young wan who tries to be with it, but is sat behind the glass with her penneys finest and a purple scrunchie in her hair. You know she is on, as she meticulously goes through every file just to make sure she is doing her job correctly, much to the chargin of the junkies of Thomas Street. She acts as moral support to her good friend Ursula. She is often left to deal with her former colleague Jacinta who is pregnant again. Aisling is going to make it her mission to find her a job once she pops the sprog. Isn't it only awful that Jobstown Jonno left her in the lurch, so she had to go on the housing in James St, poor Jacinta, all those kids and no man says she to Ursula.

Welfare Aisling is deeply suspicious of all the customers. If they're middle-class, she assumes they don't really need the money, because everybody knows Protestants are rich; if they're working-class, she assumes they're criminals. Even mid-recession, she can't understand why the unemployed don't just make the \*effort\* and get a job. She refuses to believe anyone is sick or disabled unless they're in a wheelchair, and has been known to hold sick certs up to the light looking for nonspecific evidence of forgery.