recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
Howls & Jowls

**Howls & Jowls** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"Rex has been a bad dog. And coincidentally, you're havin' a barbecue at your house."

### Question

For an appetizer, you'd like to try dog jowls. What part of Rex do you prepare on the grill?

### Choices

1. Mesquite MUZZLE

2. WITHERS à la "King"

3. FLEWS Flambé

4. maybe a nice BRISKET

### Choice Quotes

1. "No, the muzzle is the snout. Ya thought it was the right answer, but it's snot!"

2. "No, that's the skin at the base of the neck. Too fatty for me."

3. "Anyone up for some flambéd flews?"

4. "No, brisket is essentially the breast area of the dog. Meaty, but wrong."

### Answer Quote

"The jowl area tastes a little like... turkey."
CB Lingo 3

```
For the similarly titled questions also from YOU DON'T KNOW JACK, see CB Lingo.

```

**CB Lingo** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"Okay, as ya head down the highway in your Mac truck, you're listenin' to a conversation between two truckers a few miles behind ya."

### Question

They're discussing a "portable parking lot." What are they talking about?

### Choices

1. a huge traffic jam

2. a trucker hauling cars

3. a construction vehicle

4. a rest area

### Choice Quotes

1. [sound of cars beeping and honking, until it fades out]

2. "A trucker hauling cars."

3. sound clip

4. "You know what's gotta be the worst job in the world? Cleaning up the toilets at rest areas. I don't know about you ladies, but it's like guys at rest areas don't know how to aim or somethin'. Oh, also, your answer is wrong."

### Answer Quote

"You know, I don't like drivin' behind those guys cause it always looks like the back car's about to slide up, ya know?" [beat] "Am I the only one who's paranoid about this?"
Game Shows That Double Your Pleasure

**Game Shows That Double Your Pleasure** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"I'll tell ya what, let's talk about one of our quainter, more obscure game show brethren, shall we?"

### Question

If you played the real-life, non-TV version of "double jeopardy," what would happen to you?

### Choices

1. You'd receive a double payoff on one horse.

2. You'd sink two balls at once in pool.

3. You'd be acquitted, then tried again.

4. You'd be served a double-yolked egg.

### Choice Quotes

1. [horse galloping and whinnies, galloping continues and fades]

2. "Looks like ya scratched on this one."

3. "Your 5th amendment at work."

4. sound clip

### Answer Quote

"Although, I think another definition might be, wearing bell bottoms and a silk shirt to a Harley convention."
Hallmark Cards® & Concrete Ponds

**Hallmark Cards® & Concrete Ponds** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Which character on "The Beverly Hillbillies" is the only one who logically should send Granny a card on Grandparents' Day?

### Question Reading

"Which character on 'The Beverly Hillbillies' is the only one who should logically send Granny a card on Grandparents' Day?"

### Choices

1. Jed

2. Miss Hathaway

3. Jethro

4. Elly May

### Choice Quotes

1. "Sorry y'all, Jed's Gran is son-in-law."

2. sound clip

3. "I'm not sure Jethro could sign his name. Besides, he's Granny's great-nephew in law."

4. "Elly May. Granny's true granddaughter."
CB Lingo 1

```
For the similarly titled questions also from YOU DON'T KNOW JACK, see CB Lingo.

```

**CB Lingo** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

Listen carefully. After a long night's haulin' you pull your Kenworth into a truck stop for breakfast. A fellow truck driver notices your clothes and says, "How ya doin'? Are you the Polyester Pirate?"

### Choices

1. 10-9

2. baby

3. John Hancock

4. handle

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. "Baby? No, sir, not even maybe."

3. "John Hancock? Perhaps the dirtiest words on the Declaration of Independence, and wrong."

4. "Handle."

### Answer Quote

"And I'm not talkin' about the composer, good buddy."

### Alternate Answer Quote

"Handle. for you civilians that's CB talk for 'on air nickname'."
It's a Nice Place to Visit, But ...

**It's a Nice Place to Visit, But ...** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Which of the following is NOT an actual place in the United States?

### Choices

1. French Lick, Indiana

2. Big Bone Lick State Park, Kentucky

3. Big Beaver, Pennsylvania

4. Trout Lick, Kentucky

### Choice Readings

"French Lick, Indiana, Big Bone Lick State Park, Big Beaver, Pennsylvania, or Trout Lick, Kentucky?"

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. "Big Bone Lick State Park. Be careful where you pitch your tent."

3. "Yeah, I was there once, it's not that big."

4. "Trout Lick."

### Answer Quote

"Hey, trout lickin's illegal in these parts."
Hey, Hey, Hey, the Gang's All Dead

**Hey, Hey, Hey, the Gang's All Dead** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

[offmic] "Hey, hey, hey!"

"Rudy's gone mental and killed off the entire Fat Albert gang."

### Question

Provided the forensic scientists investigate the crime within a few hours, whose body will be the warmest upon discovery?

### Choices

1. Russell's

2. Fat Albert's

3. Mushmouth's

4. Weird Harold's

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. "Fat Albert."

3. "Hey b-man-buh. That's wron-guh."

4. "Hey man, you're like a computer geek at a high school dance. No score."

### Answer Quote

"That's right, fat people cool off after death slower than the non-weight challenged. Anybody want a donut?"
Morbid Fun

**Morbid Fun** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If you were playing poker with Death, and Death had a straight flush, what would you need to stay alive?

### Question Reading

"Let's say you're playing poker with death and death has a straight flush. What do you need to stay alive?

### Choices

1. royal flush

2. three aces

3. four kings

4. full house

### Choice Readings

A royal flush, three aces, four kings, or a full house?

### Choice Quotes

1. "The royal flush.

2. DEATH: [evil laughter] "Don't even bother to pack."

3. DEATH: "I hope you've made plans for your family."

4. [woman screaming] "Oops. You're dead."

### Alternate Answer Quote

""A royal flush. Ten, jack, queen, king, ace, all the same suit, The mother of all poker hands."
English Barons & Electric Current

**English Barons & Electric Current** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

2. kilowatt

3. megawatt

4. dekawatt

### Choice Quotes

1. "'Deci' means 1/10th, so that would be least evil. Did you not understand the question?"

2. "Kill a what? Wh- what do I'm unna kill?"

3. [echo] "You're mega-right!"

4. "I'll deck a what." [man getting punched twice]

### Answer Quote

"'Mega' means million fold. And that's a lotta folds."

### Alternate Answer Quote

"Megawatt, which equals one million watts. Course, there's other uses of the prefix mega like: 'megasucked.'"
Car Wars

**Car Wars** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If Ulysses S. Grant were reincarnated as a car, which TV car would he most likely want to fight, for history's sake?

### Choices

1. the Batmobile®

2. Michael Knight's car

3. Bo and Luke Duke's car

4. Car 54

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. "General Grant versus KITT. I'd pay to see that."

3. sound clip

4. "Car 54, where are you?"

### Answer Quote

"The Dukes' car, otherwise known as the General Lee."
He Shoots, He Scores

**He Shoots, He Scores** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If the mascots for these products were playing a pick-up basketball game, which one couldn't give the other players "five" afterwards?

### Question Reading

"If the mascots for these products were playing a pick-up game of b-ball, which one couldn't slap the other players "five" afterwards?"

### Choices

1. Hamburger Helper®

2. Chef Boyardee®

3. Mr. Clean®

4. Rice Krispies®

### Choice Quotes

1. "\_"

2. "Chef Boy are you wrong."

3. "No, he's got all of his digits intact, and he's a hell of a power forward."

4. "Hey, what are you sayin', huh? White elves can't jump?"

### Answer Quote

"Hamburger Helper. The Hamburger Helper hand only has 4 fingers."
Children's Games & Award Banquets

**Children's Games & Award Banquets** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If each of these children's games won an award, which one would be expected to thank the "Plague of London" in its acceptance speech?

### Choices

1. kick the can

2. ring-around-the-rosy

3. red rover

4. dodge ball

### Choice Quotes

1. "You know what, I got a better game. Let's play kick your can."

2. "Ring-around-the-rosy. Describes the process of dying from the plague."

3. "Red Rover? Hmmm..." [clicks tongue] "Maybe a nice balm would cure that."

4. "Dodge this." [man getting struck in the chest]
Mein Summer Kampf!

**Mein Summer Kampf!** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

What's that called? You know, that German-sounding game where you use sticks to keep marbles from falling down a chute?

### Question Reading

"Now, what's that called? You know, that German-sounding game where you use sticks to keep marbles from falling down a chute? What's that called?"

### Choices

1. Maus Trappe

2. Ker Plunk®

3. Nichten Droppen der Fūchen Marbles®

4. Hūsker Dū®

### Choice Readings

"Is it called Maus Trappe, Ker Plunk®, Nichten Droppen der Fūchen Marbles®, or Hūsker Dū®?"

### Choice Quotes

1. "Nien."

2. "Ya! Is correct."

3. "You blew up that high school German class a lot, didn't ya?"

4. "Hūsker Dū®? No, that's a memory game. But aparrantly you forgot."

### Answer Quote

"Is Ker Plunk®, wonderbar for the whole family, ya."

### Alternate Answer Quote

"Ker Plunk®. Is wonderbar for the whole family, ya."
Simple as Pi

**Simple as Pi** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

When asked to write the answer to "What is one plus one?" little Johnny correctly writes "10." What system of arithmetic is he using?

### Choices

1. the binary system

2. Faroese

3. Barney's Anything Math

4. the abacus system

### Choice Quotes

1. "The binary system."

2. "Great shot in the dark. But Faroese is the native language of the Faroe Islands just off the coast of Iceland.

3. "Look, I love you, you love me, but you're wrong."

4. sound clip

### Answer Quote

"In the binary system, every number is represented by a combination of ones and zeroes."

### Alternate Answer Quote

"The binary system. Now, here's how it works:"

[talking fast] "Using '2' as its base, it's represented by the symbols '1' and '0'. '1 0' signifies 1 to the second power..."

[talks normal] "...Equaling 2."
Magilla Gorilla® & the Auto Industry

**Magilla Gorilla® & the Auto Industry** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"OK, listen carefully: Magilla Gorilla lived in a pet store owned by Mr. Peebles. Thomas Jefferson was the man of the people. The European version of a credit union is called a People's Bank."

### Question

Which of these names means "The People's Car"?

### Choices

1. Testarossa®

2. Subaru®

3. Porsche®

4. Volkswagen®

### Choice Quotes

1. "Testarossa? No, I think in Italian it means: 'The Car That People Can't Afford.'"

2. sound clip

3. sound clip

4. "De Volksvagen."
Downwind from Limburger

**Downwind from Limburger** is an "in order" question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Which list contains in order, a BREEZE, a CHEESE and a DISEASE?

### Question Reading

Which of the following lists in order, a BREEZE, a CHEESE and a DISEASE?

### Choices

1. zephyr, Dutch Elm, edam

2. cottage, anthrax, taking candy from a baby

3. spelling "cat," gonorrhea, gorgonzola

4. gust, feta, rickets

### Choices

1. zephyr, Dutch Elm, edam

2. cottage, anthrax, taking candy from a baby

3. spelling "cat," gonorrhea, gorgonzola

4. gust, feta, rickets

### Choice Quotes

1. [offmic] "Uh yeah, with a root beer and fries, and can I get a slice of Dutch Elm on my burger?"

2. sound clip

3. sound clip

4."Gust, feta, and rickets."
National Parks & Naughty Bits

**National Parks & Naughty Bits** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Which of the following national parks is named after a part of the female anatomy?

### Choices

1. Haleakala

2. Mammoth Cave

3. Grand Tetons

4. Hot Springs

### Choice Quotes

1. "Halea- What?"

2. "There's a joke in there somewhere but let's not touch it. No, let's."

3. "Grand Tetons."

4. "Hot Springs. No, but sure sounds dirty,, doesn't it?"

### Answer Quote

"Named by the French explorers for the breasts they left behind."
Pastafazool!

**Pastafazool!** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

You are upset to learn that the bowl of pasta you have been eating is actually a bowl of worms from the phylum Nematoda. This is an understandable mistake since these worms resemble what?

### Question Reading

"You're pretty upset when you learn that the bowl of pasta you've been eating is actually a bowl of worms from the phylum Nematoda. Yet, this is an understandable mistake since these worms resemble what?"

### Choices

1. radiatore

2. gnocchi

3. spaghetti

4. fusilli

### Choice Readings

"Do they look like radiatore, gnocchi, spaghetti, or fusilli?"

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. sound clip

3. "It's a spaghetti."

4. [click tongue] "Fusilli goose, you're wrong!"

### Answer Quote

"But if those are really worms, then what the hell was in that sauce?"
CB Lingo 4

```
For the similarly titled questions also from YOU DON'T KNOW JACK, see CB Lingo.

```

**CB Lingo** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"Alright, listen carefully: You're truckin' on down a sunny stretch of I-74 in your Mack truck. You're westbound and light traffic just outside Peoria at 1:14 PM."

### Question

Someone comes on the radio and asks you for a 10-33. What is your response?

### Question Reading

"Someone comes on the radio and asks you for a 10-33. What's your response?"

### Choices

1. "Peoria."

2. "1:14 p.m."

3. "It's sunny."

4. "Traffic's light."

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. "Your buddy's askin' for a time check."

3. "Actually, it's looking kind of overcast." [thunder, rain]

4. "Are you feeling light-headed? Maybe you should rest a while."

### Answer Quote

"And it's probably time for his amphetamines."
Horny Women

"**Horny Women**" is a question from *YOU DON’T KNOW JACK*.

2. Wagner's "Die Valkyrie"

3. Puccini's "La Boheme"

4. Mozart's "Don Giovanni"

2. “Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Dick Wagner presents...”

3. sound clip

4. “Don Giovanni? Don Giovanni's an opera about a guy and his father, where's the fat lady?”

### Correct Answer Quote

“Die Valkyrie.” [soprano singing, pig oinking]
Irony & English Kings

> Irony (pronounced eye-row-knee) & English Kings. [beat] I know it's 'irony', I'm just checkin' to see if you're on your toes.
>
> ―Nate reading the title.

**Irony & English Kings** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Why could the reign of the English King George I be thought of as an ironic one?

### Choices

1. He became king three days after he died.

2. His father's name was also George I

3. He was allergic to iron.

4. He spoke little, if any, English.

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. "His father's name was also George I. Pretty ironic, huh? Definitely would be if it were true."

3. "Yeah, speaking of iron, how's that plate in your head?"

4. "He barely spoke english."
Indiana Jones® & the Temple B'nai B'rith

Disambiguation page for Indiana Jones® & the Temple B'nai B'rithThe following is a list of links to pages that might share the same title.Please follow one of the disambiguation links below or search to find the page you were looking for if it is not listed. If an internal link led you here, you may wish to change the link to point directly to the intended article.
Indiana Jones® & the Temple B'nai B'rith refers to two questions from YOU DON'T KNOW JACK, about Indiana Jones doing two different things upon entering a synagogue.

* Indiana Jones® & the Temple B'nai B'rith 1
* Indiana Jones® & the Temple B'nai B'rith 2
Get Out of Jail Free

**Get Out of Jail Free** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Which of the following is NOT a standard-issue Monopoly® token?

### Choices

1. top hat

2. iron

3. candlestick

4. wheelbarrow

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. "Go directly to jail."

3. "The candlestick."

4. "Do not pass Go, Do not collect 200 dollars."

### Answer Quote

"That's actually standard issue for the game Clue, Colonel Mustard."
Rodents & Nomads

**Rodents & Nomads** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"Toronto was once called York. New York was once called New Amsterdam. Hamsters are related to beavers which build dams."

### Choices

1. Marmara

2. Izmir

3. Turkey

4. Constantinople

### Choice Quotes

1. "Marmara? Wait a second, didn't I just get that on my pasta for lunch?"

2. "Izmir? i-iz wrong."

3. "NO! Istanbul is IN Turkey! Pay attention!" [slap]

4. "Constantinople."

### Answer Quote

"Originally named after Constantine the Great and, that's no Istanbul."
"Laverne & Shirley" & Business Theory

**"Laverne & Shirley" & Business Theory** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"Imagine an episode of Laverne and Shirley on which Lenny and Squiggy open up their own business."

### Question

If Lenny and Squiggy wanted to put the theory of "minimum differentiation" into practice, what type of business would they open next to the brewery where they work?

### Question Reading

"Now, if Lenny and Squiggy wanted to put the theory of 'minimum differentiation' into practice, what type of business would they open next to the brewery where they work?"

### Choices

1. a dairy

2. a pretzel factory

3. a religious book store

4. a brewery

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. "Sorry, Mr. Salty."

3. "Now there's a spinoff idea: Father Lenny & Rabbi Squiggy."

4. "They'd open up another brewery."

### Answer Quote

"The idea behind minimum differentiation is to be as similar as possible to your competition."
Anthropology 101: Brady Culture

> Anthro 101: Brady Culture.
>
> ―Nate reading the title.

**Anthropology 101: Brady Culture** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Of the following items, which would the Hawaiian "locals" say caused Greg Brady to have that surfing accident?

### Choices

1. a 15-foot wave

2. a stone tiki idol

3. a lei

4. one too many mai tais

### Choice Readings

"A 15-foot wave, a stone tiki idol, a lei, or too many mai tais?"

### Choice Quotes

1. [sounds of water flowing, an unknown creature cooing, and wind blowing]

2. "The tiki."

3. "No, I don't remember Greg getting lei'd in that episode. Although, uh- he and Marsha did disappear for a while."

4. "Oh come on, Alice was watching those kids like a hawk."

### Answer Quote

"Bobby found the stone idol and gave it to Greg for good luck. Duh, Bob."
Bread & Other Bodily Functions

**Bread & Other Bodily Functions** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Obeying the German translation, what should you do after eating "pumpernickel" bread?

### Choices

1. burp

2. pee

3. fart

4. lick your lips

### Choice Quotes

1. "For me, that's rye bread." [burp]

2. sound clip

3. [grunting, farting, clearing throat] "Das some good bread."

4. [lips being licked]

### Answer Quote

"'Pumpern' means to break wind. Now I want you to think about that next time you order a sandwich at the deli."
Love Potions & Obscure Body Parts

**Love Potions & Obscure Body Parts** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If you could make a philter out of a "philtrum," which obscure part of the body would you be using?

### Question Reading

"Now, if you could make a philter out of a "philtrum," which obscure part of the body would you be using?"

### Choices

1. your left earlobe

2. the crease from your nose to your top lip

3. your funny bone

4. the spot on your back you can never scratch

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. "Philtrum, from the Greek verb for love."

3. sound clip

4. "Yeah, I have a spot like that but it's not on my back."

### Answer Quote

"However, we Americans sometimes refer to it as the snot trough."
See Jane Spot

**See Jane Spot** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

2. a pimple

3. an edible marine fish

4. spit

### Choice Readings

"A troublesome situation, a pimple, an edible marine fish, or past tense of spit?"

### Choice Quotes

1. "I see you've got yourself into quite a spot."

2. "No! Don't squeeze it!" [splat]

3. "Spot and I spotted a spot swimming in the lake near our favorite spot."

4. "Past tense of spit?"

### Answer Quote

"That would be spat." [hocking, spitting, spittoon ding]

### Alternate Answer Quote

"Past tense of spit. That would be spat."
Milton Bradley® & Medical Procedures

"**Milton Bradley® & Medical Procedures**" is an analogy question from *YOU DON’T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Mr. Potato Head® : plastic surgery :: Pez®

### Question Reading

"Mr Potato Head is to plastic surgery as Pez is to blank."

### Choices

1. colostomy

2. tracheotomy

3. angioplasty

4. electrocardiogram

### Choice Quotes

1. "Colostomy? No, that would be Milk Duds."

2. "Pez."

3. sound clip

4. [respirator beeping, defibrilator buzzing] "Clear!" [defibrilator shock] "No, we lost him."

### Alternate Answer Quote

"Tracheotomy. It's an operation of the windpipe. mmm-mmm."
Cocaine & Astrology

**Cocaine & Astrology** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If Aquarius were a drug dealer, which sign of the zodiac would he ask for help if he needed to weigh three grams of coke?

### Choices

1. Libra

2. Capricorn

3. Aries

4. Scorpio

### Choice Quotes

1. "Psst, hey, Libra, if you lent me your scales, I-I'll give ya a dime bag."

2. "Nah, that's who he'd ask if he needed to cut the taste of the coke with some goats milk."

3. sound clip

4. sound clip
Facial Inadequacy

**Facial Inadequacy** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

2. Ziggy

3. Casper®

4. Little Orphan Annie

2. "Ziggy? Ziggy has one the biggest schnozes in the strips, man!"

3. sound clip

4. "Little Orphan Annie. She may have no pupils but she's got a schnoz."

### Answer Quote

"Problem is, when she sneezes the snot comes out of her ears. Imagine the post nasal drip on that one."
Opium-Influenced Rhymes & Those Violent Brady Kids

**Opium-Influenced Rhymes & Those Violent Brady Kids** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"Imagine, in a senseless act of violence and boredom, Greg Brady kills the Brady's beloved dog, Tiger."

### Question

If he were punished in a way similar to the way Coleridge's "Ancient Mariner" was punished for his senseless crime, what would Greg have to do?

### Choices

1. blind himself

2. wear Tiger around his neck

3. eat Tiger's heart

4. be buried alive with Tiger

### Choice Quotes

1. "No. That would be the punishment for sleeping with his mother, Carol."

2. "The Ancient Mariner killed an albatross and had to wear it around his neck."

3. "No, but that might be an option for Sam the butcher."

4. sound clip

### Answer Quote

"Looks like Greg's gonna be wearing a Tiger necklace. Groovy."

### Alternate Answer Quote

"Wear Tiger around his neck. The Ancient Mariner killed an albatross, had to do the same thing."
Indiana Jones® & the Temple B'nai B'rith 2

```
For the similarly titled question also from YOU DON'T KNOW JACK, see Indiana Jones® & the Temple B'nai B'rith 1.

```

**Indiana Jones® & the Temple B'nai B'rith** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"The famed archaeologist's quest for the Ark of the Covenant takes him into a Jewish synagogue."

### Question

The congregation turns, stunned. All eyes are on Indy. He has no choice but to take his bull-whip and perform an impromptu "bris." What does he perform?

### Choices

1. a blessing

2. a marriage

3. a circumcision

4. a human sacrifice

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. "Interesting. Performing a marriage with a bull whip. Sounds kinky."

3. sound clip

4. [man screaming]

### Answer Quote

"A bris is a circumcision. Job doesn't pay much, but you get a lot of tips."
May the Force Be with You

**May the Force Be with You** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"OK now, imagine that a movie theater advertises that they're showing one of the best movies in the Star Wars® series."

### Question

When you get there, they tell you they couldn't get "Empire Strikes Back®," but they do have the less popular "Ewoks: The Battle for Endor." Of what business practice is this an example?

### Question Reading

"But when you get there, they tell you they couldn't get "Empire Strikes Back®," but they do have the less popular "Ewoks: The Battle for Endor." Of what business practice is this an example? "

### Choices

1. bait and switch

2. glass ceiling

3. monopoly

4. stonewalling

### Choice Quotes

1. "Bait and switch? I think that's also the process Princess Leia used to get her hair like that."

2. [metallic object falling on the floor]

3. "Monopoly? Did I say that this was the only movie theater in town? I don't think so."

4. sound clip
Happy Anniversary!

**Happy Anniversary!** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

You're a traditionalist, and you're broke on your 12th wedding anniversary. What object in the bedroom can you wrap up and present to your spouse?

### Question Reading

"You're a traditionalist, and you're broke on your 12th wedding anniversary. What object in your bedroom can you wrap up and present to your spouse?"

### Choices

1. an empty champagne BOTTLE

2. soiled bed LINENS

3. your GOLD tooth

4. burnt CANDLE stubs

### Choice Quotes

1. "Whoops, looks like ya popped your cork a bit prematurely."

2. "Say it with soiled bed linens."

3. "Nah, it's alright, you can wait for that to fall out naturally. Gold is the 50th anniversary present."

4. sound clip

### Answer Quote

"The 12th anniversary calls for gifts made of linen."

### Alternate Answer Quote

"Soiled bed linens. The 12th anniversary calls for gifts made of linen."
MTV® & the Periodic Table

**MTV® & the Periodic Table** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If an MTV® veejay were struck in the head with a large quantity of "bauxite," what would be the most likely result?

### Choices

1. asphyxiation

2. radiation poisoning

3. a splitting headache

4. a blank stare

### Choice Quotes

1. "a sphincter says what?"

2. sound clip

3. "A splitting headache."

4. "A blank stare? No, that's what happens when you ask a veejay to spell bauxite."

### Answer Quote

"Bauxite's the main source of aluminum. Hey, we can dream, can't we?"
Puppet Revolution

**Puppet Revolution** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"OK, imagine this: Grover and Big Bird decide they've had enough of working for PBS."

### Question

They form their own church, Our Muppet of Perpetual Felt, which in turn takes over the government of Sesame Street®. What kind of government have they formed?

### Question Reading

"They form their own church, Our Muppet of Perpetual Felt, which in turn takes over the government of Sesame Street®. Tell me, what kind of government have they formed?"

### Choices

1. an oligarchy

2. an aristocracy

3. a democracy

4. a theocracy

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. "No, you need a count to have an aristocracy."

3. "Did Cookie Monster get to vote? I don't think so."

4. "Some might call it a puppet government."

### Answer Quote

"But since it's a government based on religion, it's a theocracy."

### Correct Answer Reveal Quote

"Some might call it a puppet government."

### Alternate Answer Quote

"But since it's a government based on religion, it's a theocracy."
Middle-Age Love

**Middle-Age Love** is a personal ad question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"Alright, tell me who would be most likely to have placed the following personal ad:"

### Question

SWCF MID TEENS ISO SWCM: age unimportant. I enjoy horseback, cross-dressing and battle. No campfires, thank you.

### Choices

1. the Virgin Mary

2. Joan of Arc

3. Mary Queen of Scots

4. Queen Victoria

### Choice Quotes

1. "Sorry, Mary would be an SJF (Single Jewish Female) ISO help to raise child with a Messiah complex."

2. "Joan of Arc."

3. sound clip

4. "Somehow, I just can't see her in drag."

### Answer Quote

"She flamed and crossdressed. Maybe she's the patron saint of really angry drag queens."

### Alternate Answer Quote

"Joan of Arc. Of course, Joan's a little sensitive about campfires, then she was burned at the stake."
I'm a Lucky Dog

**I'm a Lucky Dog** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"Alright listen carefully, let's say you score big with a supermodel. You're in bed together and you wanna make small talk."

### Question

Which of the following questions, if asked by you, would be "rhetorical"?

### Choices

1. "How much is this costing me?"

2. "Can I have your autograph?"

3. "Who wouldn't want to be me right now?"

4. "Do you have any diseases?"

### Choice Quotes

1. "Uh, you gotta work on your pickup lines, my friend."

2. sound clip

3. "And frankly,"

4. sound clip
Mathematics & Breakfast Cereal

**Mathematics & Breakfast Cereal** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If you multiply Product 19® by the crispy factor of Crispix®, (which is Crispy times 2), then add Basic 4®, what is the Total®?

### Choices

1. Product π

2. Product 19

3. Product 194

4. Product 42

### Choice Quotes

1. "Product π? No, that would be for dessert."

2. "You skipped breakfast this morning didn't you?"

3. "Product 194? Let me guess. English major. Right?"

4. "Product 42."

### Answer Quote

"19 times two plus four equals 42. But I bet it's good thing we didn't ask you to divide it by Muscilex."
Fun with Flesh-Colored Wads

**Fun with Flesh-Colored Wads** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"Alright, listen up: You're reading the Sunday comics page and you got a wad of Silly Putty in your hand. Suddenly you get an urge to press the Silly Putty on the title of your favorite comic strip."

### Question

When you pull the flattened putty up, you can make out the word "EKUDAMRAM." What's your favorite comic strip?

### Question Reading

"When you pull the flattened putty up, you can make out the word 'EKUDAMRAM.' So what's your favorite comic strip?"

### Choices

1. Eek and Meek

2. Marmaduke

3. Mark Trail

4. Mandrake the Magician

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. "Marmaduke is 'EKUDAMRAM' spelled backwards."

3. sound clip

4. "Uh, you got a few too many letters goin' on there Houdini."

### Answer Quote

"And boy, does that rapscallion puppy get into crazy mix-ups or what?"
Here, Kitty-Kitty

**Here, Kitty-Kitty** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

A lion can be represented many ways on a coat of arms, but it is said to be angriest when it is:

### Question Reading

"A lion can be represented many ways on a coat of arms, but it's said to be angriest when it's:"

### Choices

1. bouffant

2. couchant

3. rampant

4. poked with a sharp stick

### Choice Quotes

1. "No, that's when a lion has a bad hair day."

2. "'Couchant' means lying down. The lion's like: Look. I'm angry, OK? And I need a pillow."

3. "Rampant."

4. "You either knew this was wrong, or you thought we were trying to trick you. Well, we're not trying to trick you."
Mr. Science & Alcohol Consumption

**Mr. Science & Alcohol Consumption** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"Alright, imagine this and, maybe this won't take that much imagination for you: You wake up one day on the side of a highway hungover from a long night of partying. As a blinding headache pounds in your head..."

### Question

You notice that as people honk at you, the horns sound higher pitched as they approach you and lower pitched as they move away. What is this an example of?

### Choices

1. Bernoulli's law

2. Doppler effect

3. rhythm method

4. delirium tremens

### Choice Readings

"Bernoulli's law, the Doppler effect, the rhythm method, or delirium tremens?"

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. "You remember it from Science 101,"

3. "The rhythm method? What are ya doin, havin' sex on the highway?"

4. sound clip

### Answer Quote

"The Doppler effect." [horn increasing and decreasing in pitch as it zooms past]
It Kinda Smells like Raw Fish

**It Kinda Smells like Raw Fish** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

They put raw tuna, raw octopus, and cooked egg sushi in front of you. What will you be eating?

### Question Reading

"They put raw tuna, raw octopus, and cooked egg sushi in front of you. Gonna test your Japanese here. What will you be eating?"

### Choices

1. ika, ebi, kappa

2. tekka, tako, tamago

3. anago, unagi, saba

4. tekka, kappa, tako

### Choice Quotes

1. "Ika, ebi, kappa? Nah, I think that's a Japanese fraternity."

2. "Tekka, tako, tamago."

3. "Actually, that's Latin for 'I'm mad, you're mad, just give me the car.'"

4. sound clip
Great Moments in Television Programming

**Great Moments in Television Programming** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Which of these was NOT an actual television series?

### Choices

1. "The Ugliest Girl in Town"

2. "The Girl with Something Extra"

3. "Torso the Clown"

4. "My Mother the Car"

### Choice Quotes

1. "Ohh! It was a series, but it made an ugly departure after 4 months."

2. "Yes, it was a show: The Girl with Something Extra. Kinda like The Crying Game."

3. "Torso the Clown was not a series."

4. sound clip

### Answer Quote

"Hey boys and girls, I'm Torso the Clown! I wish I could see you, but I have no head."
Christmas in Walnut Grove

"**Christmas in Walnut Grove**" is a question from *YOU DON’T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Pa Ingalls buys a stove for Ma and a new saddle for Laura's horse, unaware that Laura has sold her horse to buy a new stove for Ma. What is this an example of?

### Choices

1. symbolism

2. satire

3. parody

4. irony

### Choice Quotes

1. "Symbolism of what?"

2. "They don't allow satire in Walnut Grove."

3. sound clip

4. “Irony.”
Blonde Mathematical Ambition

**Blonde Mathematical Ambition** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"Remember the commercial in the '70s featuring a blond extolling the virtues of her shampoo, by saying that 'All her friends were talking about it'?"

### Question

She told two friends, and so on, and so on, and so on..." is actually an example of what type of mathematical expression?

### Question Reading

"The line 'She told two friends, and so on, and so on, and so on...' is actually an example of what type of mathematical expression?"

### Choices

1. prime factorization

2. arithmetic mean

3. differential equation

4. exponential growth

### Choice Quotes

1. "'Ey yo! Factor this."

2. "You don't shampoo very often, do you?"

3. sound clip

4. "Exponential growth."

### Answer Quote

"It was a great commercial, it taught ya about math skills and personal hygiene."
Food & Foolish People

**Food & Foolish People** is an "in order" question from *YOU DON’T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Which list contains, in order, a MOON, a SPOON and a BUFFOON?

### Choices

1. Titan, "Laugh In" regular, salad

2. full, clown, runcible

3. exposed buttocks, tea, Nutty Professor

4. table, court jester, crescent

### Choice Quotes

1. "Yeah. Uh, could get a buffoon salad with some ranch dressing, please?"

2. "Full clown runcible? Sounds like a wrestling hold."

3. "I don't want to hear any wise cracks, BUTT..."

4. "Ah yes, the old 'court jester spoon.'"

### Alternate Answer Quote

“exposed buttocks, tea, and Nutty Professor."
Living in Sin Throughout History

**Living in Sin Throughout History** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

"Living in sin" became acceptable in the 1970s, but which couple "shacked up" together over 2000 years ago?

### Question Reading

"'Living in sin' became acceptable in the '70s, but which couple 'shacked up' together over 2000 years ago?"

### Choices

1. Romeo and Juliet

2. William and Mary

3. Julius Caesar and Cleopatra

4. Mike and Gloria

### Choice Quotes

1. "Wherefore art thou so ignorant?"

2. "I don't know, I think marrying your *cousin* goes a little bit beyond living in sin."

3. "Those nutty kids, Caesar and Cleopatra."

4. "When I mentioned the '70s that totally threw you off, didn't it?"

### Answer Quote

"Yeah, they lived together in a big condo in Rome till he died from a―mysterious stabbing pain in his chest."
Belly Full of Coffee & a Chain on My Wallet

**Belly Full of Coffee & a Chain on My Wallet** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"OK, listen carefully: as your Mack truck ascends the foothills of the Smoky Mountains in late December a fellow trucker says something over the air about a "plain white wrapper".

### Choices

1. a mild snowstorm

2. an ambulance

3. an unmarked police car

4. chrome debris

### Choice Quotes

1. [over intercom] "🎶Ice, ice, baby.🎶" "No, that's a *bad* white rapper."

2. sound clip

3. [over intercom] "Breaker breaker, ???"

4. "Chrome debris? Like that plate in your head?"
Primary School Putdowns

**Primary School Putdowns** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Which of the following rays would have gotten the nickname "stubby" for being the shortest in gym class?

### Choices

1. ultraviolet

2. x-ray

3. visible light

4. radio

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. "It's got the shortest wavelength."

3. sound clip

4. "Ah-ah. Nobody picks on radio. They're the biggest."

### Answer Quote

"Of course, it's not the size of your ray that counts, it's the motion of your wavelength, you know what I'm sayin?"
Science & the Department of Corrections

**Science & the Department of Corrections** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If the warden of a prison wanted to put certain convicts in the "Hadley cell," what would he need to do to them first?

### Choices

1. fly them to the moon

2. make them lighter than air

3. inject them into a pig

4. cut them in half

### Choice Quotes

1. "Would **YOU** like to take a trip to the moon? You got it." [kick]

2. "He'd have to make them lighter than air."

3. "Inject them into a pig? Well, you wouldn't do that with a convict, but you might suggest that to a lonely farmer."

4. sound clip

### Answer Quote

"Cause, the Hadley cell is an air current pattern."
Famous Roosters & Bizarre Operations

**Famous Roosters & Bizarre Operations** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If Foghorn Leghorn® and Pete's Dragon® were combined into one character, the best name for him would be:

### Choices

1. Pete's HENGON

2. Bobby BASILISK

3. Gary GORGON

4. Filipe, the fire-eating COCK

### Choice Quotes

1. "Alright first of all, Foghorn's a rooster, not a hen. And second of all, you're wrong."

2. "A basilisk. Part dragon, part rooster."

3. "Uh, no. That would make him Medusa's brother."

4. "It would be fire breathing. And watch your language."

### Answer Quote

"Now *there's* an animal that could wake ya up at sunrise." [rooster crowing, dragon breathing fire]
Monster Relations

**Monster Relations** is an analogy question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question Reading

"Godzilla® is to Mothra as blank is to blank."

### Choices

1. Popeye® : Brutus

2. Garlic : Dracula

3. Superman® : Kryptonite

4. Ginger : Mary Ann

### Choice Quotes

1. "Popeye is to Brutus: Archenemies."

2. "That's sorta the right concept, but there's a better answer."

3. "It's a bird!" "It's a plane!" "It's-" "Super wrong."

4. sound clip
Ice Cream & Medieval Pharmaceuticals

**Ice Cream & Medieval Pharmaceuticals** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"Imagine, if you will, the Good Humor man travels back to the Middle Ages and changes his name to The Four Humors Man."

### Question

Based on medieval physiology, which is NOT a flavor "The Four Humors Man" sells?

### Choices

1. blood

2. black bile

3. sweat

4. phlegm

### Choice Quotes

1. NATE: Actually, it's a big hit with the vampire kids.

VAMPIRE KID: [offmic] Hey Mr. Four Humors Man, could I have a Bloodsicle?

2. "Uh, no he'd sell it. Though I'm sure it'd probably be one of his less popular flavors."

3. "\_"

4. "Uh, yeah, can I have two scoops of phlegm in a de-congested cone please?"

### Answer Quote

"Sweat. According to medieval physiology, the four humors are blood, phlegm, black bile, and yellow bile. Who's hungry now?"
Hares & Handguns

**Hares & Handguns** is an analogy question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Ricochet Rabbit : Deputy Droopalong :: Peter Potamus :

### Question Reading

"Ricochet Rabbit is to Deputy Droopalong as Peter Potamus is to blank."

### Choices

1. Quick Draw McGraw®

2. Cheeta

3. So-So

4. Chim Chim

### Choice Quotes

1. "A little too quick on the draw, weren't we?"

2. [echo, offmic] "Cheeta! Ahh AAAAAAAAAAAA!"

3. "So-So."

4. sound clip

### Answer Quote

"The cartoon monkey sidekick of Peter Potamus."
Over the River & Through the Woods

**Over the River & Through the Woods** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Grandma's gout gave her a gimp, but when her lame gam gets "gamy," what has happened?

### Choices

1. It has started to shrivel.

2. It has started to twitch.

3. It has started to stink.

4. It has fallen off and rolled under the bed.

### Choice Readings

"It started to shrivel, It started to twitch, It started to stink, or it's fallen off and rolled under the bed?"

### Choice Quotes

1. "No, that's when her lame gam gets pruny."

2. sound clip

3. "Startin' to stink."

4. "Help! I've fallen and rolled under the bed! And I can't get up!"

### Answer Quote

[sniffing] "I think granny needs some talc."
B-Ball & the Big Apple

**B-Ball & the Big Apple** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

2. Expos® : Expositories

3. Mets® : Metropolitans

4. the Jets® : Jet-Setters

### Choice Readings

"The Astros® are to the Astronomicals, the Expos® are to the Expositories, the Mets® are to the Metropolitans, or the Jets® are to the Jet-Setters?"

### Choice Quotes

1. "Sorry, big spender."

2. "The Montreal Expositories. Canadian for 'hemorrhoid relief.'"

3. "The Metropolitans. That's their full name."

4. sound clip

### Answer Quote

"However, most New Yorkers use different more uh, poignant names when referring to the Mets."
"Family Affair" & French Cuisine

**"Family Affair" & French Cuisine** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Mr. French tells Uncle Bill that he's going to serve Buffy and Jody "au poivre." What does that mean?

### Choices

1. a potato snack

2. a type of chicken soup

3. a stiff French drink

4. with pepper

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. "And this is a type of wrong answer."

3. "Uh, I don't think Mr. French should be givin' the kids a stiff anything."

4. "You got it, he's serving Buffy and Jodie seasoned with pepper."

### Answer Quote

"Uh, frankly, I think the kids would taste better with a little oregano, maybe some Parmesan cheese melted on top."
Mr. Brown, Strip to Your Underwear, Please

**Mr. Brown, Strip to Your Underwear, Please** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If you were a doctor treating Charlie Brown®, which one of the following disease diagnoses would you probably NOT make?

### Choices

1. Alopecia

2. Hydrocephalus

3. Syndactyly

4. Priapism

### Choice Quote

1. "Alopecia? That's hair loss! I mean, he's only got one strand of hair for cryin' out loud."

2. "Excess fluid trapped in his skull? Have you seen the kid's head?"

3. "Syndactyly, that's fingers fused together and, let's face it, he's only got 4 digits on each hand so somethin' happened."

4. "\_"

### Answer Quote

"You got it. I think we woulda seen a 'persistent painful erection' through those little black shorts of his."

### Alternate Answer Quote

"Priapism. A persistent painful erection. Owwwfff."
Dyn-o-mite!

> Dynomite. Or in the words of the immortal JJ Walker, DYYYN-OO-MITE!
>
> ―Nate reading the title.

**Dyn-o-mite!** is an analogy question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

2. grandparent : grandchild

3. uncle : niece

4. parent : child

2. "Grandparent is to grandchild."

3. sound clip

4. "No. See, then we'd be talkin' about All in the Family and The Jeffersons."

### Answer Quote

"That's right, Good Times was a spinoff of Maude, Which was a spinoff of All in the Family."
Mathematics & Sports Involving Ugly Pants

**Mathematics & Sports Involving Ugly Pants** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Opening Quote

"Okay, Gloria the golf fanatic spends so much time thinking about her favorite sport that she missed passing her math test by one point."

### Question

If her teacher wanted to inform her of her failure in golf terms, he could tell her she got a what?

### Question Reading

"Now, if her teacher wanted to inform her of her failure in golf terms, he would tell her she got a what?"

### Choices

1. birdie

2. double bogey

3. bogey

4. eagle

### Choice Quotes

1. "Bye bye, birdie."

2. "Nope, that's if she missed passing by two points. And I sure hope you know what the answer is now."

3. "A bogey."

4. [woosh, soaring whistle, metallic clanging] "Damn! Sliced it!"
She Married My Uncle in Vegas 1

```
For the similarly titled question from YOU DON'T KNOW JACK, see She Married My Uncle in Vegas 2.

```

**She Married My Uncle in Vegas** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

Which of the following is NOT an antelope?

### Choices

1. addax

2. affenpinscher

3. duiker

4. gemsbok

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. "Affenpinscher."

3. sound clip

4. "Gemsbok? No, it's an antelope. And I believe a distant relative of the Reebok."
Fast Food & Merry Olde England

**Fast Food & Merry Olde England** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

If the guards at the Tower of London took their common names literally, which sandwich would they prefer?

### Choices

1. Monterey Chicken Sandwich™

2. Big Mac®

3. Whaler®

4. Filet-O-Fish®

### Choice Quotes

1. sound clip

2. "Big Mac."

3. sound clip

4. "Nah, they're not into them fancy French sandwiches."
CB Lingo

Disambiguation page for CB LingoThe following is a list of links to pages that might share the same title.Please follow one of the disambiguation links below or search to find the page you were looking for if it is not listed. If an internal link led you here, you may wish to change the link to point directly to the intended article.
CB Lingo refers to four questions from YOU DON'T KNOW JACK, about different terms in trucking terminology.

* CB Lingo 1
* CB Lingo 2
* CB Lingo 3
* CB Lingo 4
Enemas & Etymologies

**Enemas & Etymologies** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question Reading

"Alright, the word 'enema' comes from the Greek root "enienai," which means what?"

### Choices

1. to encounter

2. to be an enemy

3. to send in

4. to set free

### Choice Quotes

1. "Yeah. I-it's an encounter. One your anus won't soon forget."

2. "To be an enemy? Hey, some of my best friends are enemas."

3. [echo] "Alright, we're goin' in!"

4. "Well, you were free to pick any answer you wanted. Too bad ya picked this one."

### Alternate Answer Quote

"To send in. Maybe you don't know what an enema is, huh? It's a special medication for your lower digestive system? Bend over and ask your doctor to give you one sometime."
A Hypochondriac's Nightmare

**A Hypochondriac's Nightmare** is a question from *YOU DON'T KNOW JACK*.

### Question

While visiting your family doctor to take care of problems with diarrhea and gonorrhea, you're told that you also have "pyorrhea" and "seborrhea." What two specialists should you seek out?

### Question Reading

"OK, now imagine while visiting your family doctor to take care of problems with diarrhea and gonorrhea, you're told that you also have 'pyorrhea' and 'seborrhea.' What two specialists should you seek out?"

### Choices

1. dentist and dermatologist

2. ophthalmologist and urologist

3. psychiatrist and otolaryngologist

4. proctologist and gynecologist

### Choice Quotes

1. "Dentist and dermatologist. Pyorrhea is an infection of the gums and seborrhea causes abnormally oily skin."

2. "Hello, Department of Urology, could you please hold?"

3. "A shrink and an ear, nose, and throat guy. I don't think they're gonna be able to help you with this stuff."

4. "No, but they could help you out with your diarrhea and your gonorrhea."