TRP: Goro, Hansel, Larkin, and Mishka (Drunk Idiots)

**Coyote:**

 [SETTING: Day 200, during the reception of Raef and
Griffin’s wedding. While drunk, Mishka goes to see how Larkin is doing.]

Larkin was off sitting by herself. Scrunched down, scowling.
She looked pretty pissed.

Mishka had enough common sense to leave her alone, at first,
but then he had about half a bottle of vodka. He wandered over to sit a few
feet away, out of stabbing range. “Hey, Larkin,” he said. He made a bird noise
at her. “Hey. What’s wrong with your face? Pissed at all the happy couples?”

**Jen:**

 Larkin looked up and Haeth in the eye. "Pissed at not
having stabbed a fucker today. You wanna volunteer?"

**Coyote:**

 Mishka grinned. He drew a knife from his side and spun it
around. “I’d fucking love to. Wanna come give it a try?”

**Jen:**

 Larkin squinted at him, her scowl deepening, but didn't
move. "What do you fucking want, Haeth?" She asked.

**Coyote:**

 “You look pissed off. Figured I’d get you drunk or fight
you. I can fuck off,” Mishka said with a shrug.

He often needed to be alone by himself when he was pissed or
something was wrong. If Larkin needed space, he’d give her space.

**Jen:**

 "Fight you? Yeah, sure," Larkin sneered. She
rolled her eyes and tilted over to lie in the grass. Fucking wet and cold but
who really cared. She was entirely too sober to be talking to Haeth.

**Coyote:**

 Mishka made chicken noises at her.

**Jen:**

 Larkin tore out a handfull of grass and flung it in his
direction.

**Coyote:**

 “Hey, hey. What’s that supposed to do? Throw a rock or
something,” Mishka said, amused.

**Jen:**

 She felt around for a rock and flung it, aimed at his
forehead.

**Coyote:**

 Mishka laughed. He was ready to dodge it— he had the vague
idea that it’d be funny, dodging the rocks and getting her all pissed off,
letting her blow off some steam— but apparently he was a bit too drunk, because
he tried to dodge left, then realized, oh, hey, he’d forgotten step one of this
plan, which should’ve been to actually fucking stand up before he tried to
move.

The rock caught him in the throat. He choked.

**Jen:**

 Larkin chuckled, feeling not one bit sorry. He'd had it
coming.

**Coyote:**

 “There, see?” Mishka said, flopping down on the grass as
well. “Now you feel better. I’m helping. That’s me. I’m a helper. I help
people. Hey, hey.” He kicked her. “I have a drinking game.”

**Jen:**

 "Ow!" She complained, making more of the jab than
it had been. "I don't need any fucking help. I need some rum is what, and
some fucker to fuck off."

**Coyote:**

 “Mm. Hey, hey, it’s okay. I’ll get you some rum and fuck
off, alright?” Mishka said, amused. He staggered to his feet and wandered off.

**Jen:**

 "Yeah." Larkin raised a hand and flapped it at
him, staring straight up into the sky. "Do that."

**Coyote:**

 Mishka cupped his hands around his mouth. “Yes, your
highness,” he called back.

He found a bottle of rum, then went to find Hansel or Goro. They
could do something about this sad bird nonsense.

**Izzy:**

 Mishka said something about a sad bird and pushed a bottle
of rum into his hands, and Hansel wasn't sure what he was meant to do with this
information, but Mishka was so goddamn cute when he was drunk that when he
pushed Hansel off in a general direction, Hansel just gamely went along with
it.

Then he saw Larkin laying in the damp grass, and thought,
Ahh, Larkin, bird, right.

Oh, that meant Larkin was sad. He had downed some of the rum
on the way, and gave the bottle a disappointed look as if it'd made him do it,
when clearly this was meant for Larkin, and her sadness. Well, then. He went
over and dropped down next to her and abruptly held the bottle out.

"Hey. Hey, achi. You fuckin' sad or something? Should
be drunk instead."

**Jen:**

 Larkin enjoyed a few moments of blessed quiet- well, not
enjoyed, since there was nothing enjoyable about lying in ghe wet and cold and
wallowing in misery, but at least she could do it alone.(the one she wouldn't
mind teasing her about it had fucking broken up with her anyway.)

When she heard foodsteps approach, Larkin glanced over. God,
what the fuck. Why him of a people? She groaned and rolled onto her side, back
to Hansel.

**Izzy:**

 He sloshed the bottle at her tantalizingly, leaning a bit
closer. "Eh? Eh?"

**Jen:**

 Larkin grumbled but, well, he did have alcohol. She held up
a hand for it.

**Izzy:**

 "Hey, no. Fuckin' ... roll the fuck back over here and
take it your damn self." He almost said I'm not gonna pour it in your
mouth for you, but considered the fact that he would actually absolutely do
that, and thought better of saying he wouldn't.

**Jen:**

 Larkin rolled over, still scowling, and held out her hand
again as if this was a great pain being forced upon her. Woe. Someone caring
for her, but of fucking course it had to be the cannibal. Couldn't it be
someone she didn't have to pretend to not like? Like... Jasper- who would ask
why Larkin was upset, and then Larkin would tell her and then Jasper would tell
Azriel about the miserable state he'd put Larkin into and no, hell fucking no,
Larkin wouldn't have him know about that.

So she gave in to cruel fate and accepted Hansel's company.
For now. She'd tell him to fuck off in a minute.

**Izzy:**

 Pleased, Hansel surrendered the rum. God, she looked fuckin'
glum. Poor Larkin. He was gonna have to fucking fight someone, he just knew it.
"Why you so fuckin' grim, eh."

She probably wasn't going to tell him. He bet if he got her
real drunk, though, she would then. Long game. Yeah.

**Jen:**

 "Does it fucking matter?" Larkin muttered. She
tried taking a swig while lying down but it sloshed half down her windpipe, half
down her chin, and sent her into a coughing fit. Great, even the alcohol went
traitor on her.

**Izzy:**

 "Larkin, you gotta fuckin' be upright if you wanna get
plastered right," he explained patiently. "The layin' down part comes
after. God."

Well aware she might stab him -- or maybe whack him in the
chest like she had that one time, hahah, that'd been great -- he went to gently
pull her up by her shoulder, carrying on, "And yeah, it fuckin' matters,
that's why I'm fuckin' asking."

**Jen:**

 "Man, fucking- leave me be," she got out between
coughs but did sit up. Without Hansel's help, because she didn't fucking need
it. Yeah. "The fuck is wrong with you people anyway? Since when do you go
so fucking nana over me?" Well, Hansel always kind of had. Bad consciousness
probably. But Haeth? That was new.

**Izzy:**

 "Nah. Hey. Look. Listen." He almost blurted
something about looking out for her, for her dad's sake, but that would fucking
definitely get him stabbed. "Look," he said again. "Look. Fuck
off. Get drunk so I can fuckin' tell you we're friends without you shanking me
for it, a'right. Eldath."

**Jen:**

 Well, that was- Fuck, Larkin didn't know what that was. She
should definitely point out how they were not friends but it somehow wouldn't
leaver her mouth. Instead she jerkily put the bottle to her mouth, staring at
Hansel while she took one, two, three deep swallows.

**Izzy:**

 He nodded approvingly. Good. As planned. He moved a tiny bit
closer to her and leaned back on his hands. "So when d'you get drunk
enough to tell me who I gotta fuckin' kill for you."

**Jen:**

 Larkin rolled her eyes. "You're not gonna kill anyone
for me."

**Izzy:**

 "Yeah? Yeah, you wanna fuckin' bet? Gimme a fuckin'
name, I'll do it."

**Jen:**

 "You won't as in I don't fucking want you to,
man."

**Izzy:**

 "Oh. Well, that's fuckin' shit. I can fuckin' ..."
Huh. So someone'd made her all fucking sad but she didn't want retaliation? He
squinted at her. "You fuckin' ... you sittin' over here all fuckin'
heartbroken at a wedding, achi? Goddamn, that's no good." He didn't wait
for an answer -- he was right. Knew it. He was fucking smart about heartbreak,
that was the thing about Hansel Fucking Granger. "We should go get drunk
somewhere else. Fuck."

**Jen:**

 "I'm not heartbroken," Larkin said but it came out
all weak and sounding fake even to her own ears. She kept her eyes locked to
the crow all the way over where Griffin and Raef were. Look at them being all
happy and shit. Larkin couldn't even loathe it because Raef was her friend.
Hansel was right about the somewhere-else part.

**Izzy:**

 "Uh huh," Hansel said, leaning in to follow her
eyeline. "Right."

Man, she was full of shit. Poor kid, though. Showing up here
anyway, too, for Raef. What a good fucking friend. Larkin was fucking great.

Hansel accepted the fact that he may regret it immediately,
and slung his arm around her to drag her into his side, hugging her tightly.
"Hey, you're fucking great, you know that?"

**Jen:**

 "Ugh, god, what the fuck." Larkin struggled
against him, using some elbow and knee jabs to free herself from Hansel's side.
Great, now he thought he could hug her. Or not, since she'd rejected it, but
might mean he wouldn't do it again later, when she didn't have the reflex to
flee.

**Izzy:**

 All right, well, he'd try again later. He'd get Goro to hug
her. She fucking needed a hug, was all. She had to fuckin' like someone around
here -- maybe she'd let Raef hug her.

"Look. Hey. Listen." He held his hands up.
"Larkin. Fine, fine, I'm jussayin', y'know, I don't fuckin' believe you,
at fucking all, and I'm jussayin' if you wanna fuckin' talk, I'm here. I got
experience in this kinda thing. There's someone out there you can fight and
it'll make you feel better, guarantee. Me, maybe. Punch me if you wanna."

**Jen:**

 She considered it. The rum was starting to take effect, numbing
her better judgement down nicely. Larkin took another swig, then punched Hansel
on the arm. Turned into more like a boop than a punch, god fucking Mask.

He was right, though. Again. She needed to either talk about
it, or some good distraction. The latter would be damn nice.

**Izzy:**

 He looked down at his arm. "Was that so fuckin'
pathetic 'cause you're drunk, or sad, or 'cause we're friends? 'Cause you can
hit me harder than that, it's gonna be fine."

**Jen:**

 Larkin hissed out some air and replaced it with alcohol.
"Sure it's gonna," she said and waved a hand at him. "Like I'm
gonna hurt that with my fist."

**Izzy:**

 "Hey. Hey, you have before." Didn't seem like it
was helping, though. He'd just let her get drunk. That was always good. He wished
there was another bottle, so he could be more drunk, too, then remembered he
had a flask. Fucking genius. "Anyway, if you're not gonna fight me, you
gotta fucking talk about your feelings and shit, otherwise I'm just gonna talk
more, and god fuckin' knows what I'm gonna say. Neither of us wants that. I'll
fuckin' start talking about how sad I was when pirates killed my first
boyfriend," he threatened. "How 'bout that. You should fuckin'
interrupt me, achi."

**Jen:**

 Larkin a almost laughed but could hold it back. Fucking
Hansel, ruining her moping. She held up both hands, bottle sloshing.
"Alright, alright. Fucking stop, okay? Man." She shook her head, took
a swig and- well, took another because fuck, where was she even going to start.
With the simplest summary maybe.

"I had something going with a guy and he fucking ran
away because I'm a Basha."

**Izzy:**

 "Fuckin' coward," Hansel commented.

**Jen:**

 "Fucking asshole," Larkin agreed. "Because
know what?" Ah what the hell, she didn't owe Azriel anything now.
"He's the same. Not a Basha, I mean, that'd be sick; a mobster. Crime
family heir out of fucking Moorland. Fucking Asshole."

**Izzy:**

 "Well, he's fuckin' stupid then, too." Hansel
turned up his flask. "Goddamn idiot anyway clearly, but that just don't
make any fucking sense." The thing to say was hey, hey, fuck that guy, you
deserve better anyway, but if she was moping this hard, maybe she didn't want
someone better, and that wouldn't help. "You fuckin' ... in love with
him?"

**Jen:**

 "No." Sounded fake when she said it, though.
"I'm not." This wasn't getting better. "I mean, how do I-"
Oh, Mask, no. She wasn't going to discuss this with fucking Hansel. He'd have
some actual advice or some shit, and make her talk feelings. No, thanks.

Larkin shook her head. "Doesn't fucking matter now,
anyway."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel nodded sagely. "Listen. Listen. Here's what you
do. You know where he lives?"

**Jen:**

 "Yeah."

**Izzy:**

 "All right." 'Course she did. Why'd he even asked.
Fuckin' Larkin Basha. "Here's what you do. You go to his fuckin' house.
You tell him how bad he fucked up. You tell him he's got one fuckin' chance to
get his shit together. An' if he doesn't, you set his place on fire." He
paused. "'Cept you don't do that last part if you live with him, on the
same ship that he lives on, and you're out at sea, and all. Cap'n'll get mad at
you. Look -- not fuckin' applicable." He waved it off and got back on
track. "Point is, you fuckin' tell him how it's gonna be, and if he can't
fuckin' do that and treat you right, you fuckin' kill him. Or I will. Goro
will. Look, we'll all kill him together, 'f you want."

**Jen:**

 That made her laugh. Larkin tried to stifle it and it turned
into wet sputtering instead. Course the rum.

"No one's going to kill Azriel. Not over fucking
leaving me," she said when she had her breath back. The rest of that,
though... might actually be worth a shot. If she wanted Azriel back at all.

"Have you... uh, done that before? Not the burning shit
down part, I mean, the first part. How'd it turn out?"

**Izzy:**

 "Well, I did set the fucking ship on fire," he
said pensively, rubbing his beard. "That part turned out pretty fuckin'
bad. But listen, important thing is that ... if you really wanna be with this
fuckin' guy, you let him know. Sometimes people just get fuckin' scared and
they make mistakes. But sometimes they're just fuckin' dicks and they don't
deserve you, and you gotta find out which one it is, and then, y'know --
y'know, don't literally set shit on fire, but maybe do it in a fuckin'
metaphorical sense, and be fuckin' happy about the fact that you set it on fire
before you got any more goddamn invested in someone who's a fucking dick.
Right? Works out either way."

**Jen:**

 Larkin turned to look at Hansel while he talked, frowning
sceptically. "You know that's... uhm, that makes sense, actually. Thanks,
I guess." Her eyes dropped to the bottle again and she made another
assault on it, then held it out to Hansel.

**Izzy:**

 He nodded. He was very fucking good at relationships. He
figured that was how he'd gotten married -- setting shit on fire for about a
decade before he'd ever even met his husband. "Yeah, hey, you fuck
somethin' up enough times, eventually you figure it out." He waved the
bottle away. "You need that more'n I do, achi."

**Jen:**

 "Fuckin' word," Larkin mumbled and hugged the
bottle to herself.

**Lina:**

Goro spent a while hiding in his room after the pirate
thing. It was thinking about Larkin that finally spurred him back
downstairs--the only person who must be having a worse time at this wedding
than he was. He had to check on her.

He put his coat on, looped the scarf Hansel had made him
around his neck once, and wound the tails around his hands several times to
hold against his chest. He'd been practically living in the thing since Hansel
sent it to him. When he made it down to the garden he did have the thought that
there was, like, actual fucking Hansel here that he could hug, not just a thing
Hansel had made.

Well, whatever. He'd gotten attached to the scarf.

Goro wandered around until he found Larkin, and--lo and
behold, who should be sitting right next to her? God, that actually made him
feel better. He loved it when the two of them got along. Made him feel all
weirdly hopeful.

He approached and sat down cross-legged in front of them.
"How you holding up?" he asked Larkin.

**Jen:**

 "Fuck, can't a girl be grumpy in peace?" Larkin
said with a groan but it lacked conviction. Was actually kinda nice... having
them here. At least they cared, even if all Larkin wanted was to wallow in
misery alone. "I'm getting there," she said and indicated the bottle
of rum by lifting it to her mouth, then held it out to Goro.

**Lina:**

He waved it off. "Great. You fill Hansel in already?
Bet he'll help me kill Azriel."

**Izzy:**

 "See? See, that's what I fuckin' said. Goro fuckin'
understands."

**Jen:**

 "No one fucking touches Azriel, alright?" Larkin
yelled. "He's done... I mean he doesn't wanna be with me, how can I
fucking blame him."

**Izzy:**

 "Easy," Hansel said immediately, baffled.
"Real ... real fuckin' easy. The fuck."

**Lina:**

"Shut the fuck up," Goro said. "Hansel's right.
The fuck's wrong with you? I'll kill anyone who thinks you're not worth
it." That was worth a drink. He snatched the rum bottle from her and took
a swig.

**Jen:**

 Larkin looked between them and squinted. Curse them, making
her stomach feel all warm and fuzzy in a way that wasn't rum. "Didn't say
I wasn't fucking worth it, did I?"

**Izzy:**

 "Then fuckin' blame him. He's an idiot."

**Lina:**

"Yeah. You know, Lark, I don't think you should be
dating an idiot, come to think of it."

**Jen:**

 Larkin rolled her eyes- then smirked. She elbowed Hansel and
jerked her head at Goro. "You hear that?"

**Izzy:**

 "Yeah. Yeah, he's right, you shouldn't fuckin' -- what,
are you tryin' to fuckin' imply something." He narrowed his eyes and
threatened, "I'll fuckin' ... hug you again."

**Lina:**

"Do it. Hug her. She loves it."

**Jen:**

 "Oh, no, no no-"

**Izzy:**

 Hansel made like he was going to hug her, but backed off at
the last moment and gently patted her shoulder instead, settling one hand
behind her to prop up on it, still very much in hugging range but not touching
her.

**Jen:**

 Larkin's head rolled around on her shoulders but she didn't
move. She blinked off into the distance a few times, then straightened with a
broad gesture. "You know what?" She said, "You're right. He's a fucking
idiot. You know what he said to me?"

**Izzy:**

 "Somethin' stupid," Hansel guessed.

**Lina:**

"'Larkin, I'm a pathetic worm who doesn't deserve to be
graced with your company,'" Goro offered.

**Jen:**

 She snorted, tried to hold in her laughter, but it spluttered
out despite her efforts. "Nah," she said. "He said, uh... he
said he wants to stay but also doesn't. Or- no that's not it. He said he wants
to stay, and oh yes, kiss me," Larkin made a mockery of Azriel's voice,
"but ohhh no, he shouldn't. Pff."

**Izzy:**

 "Sounds dumb," Hansel said automatically, turning
his flask up. Fuck, it was empty. Also, wait. "Hey, the fuck does that
mean. You Bashas and uh, whatever the fuck you said his family name is -- you
guys fuckin' enemies, or something?" Some star-crossed lovers shit. God,
that'd be tragic. He might cry about it. Later, though, 'cause him crying about
it wouldn't help Larkin. She was supposed to cry about it.

**Jen:**

 "As if," Larkin scoffed. "We're supposed to
be allies, can you fucking believe it."

**Izzy:**

 Oh, well, that was fucking different, then. Hansel scoffed,
too. "Fuckin' dumbass, then. Doesn't know what he wants. See, that's why
you gotta fuckin' tell him what's up, let him know he can't fuckin' jerk you
around. Lissen. You fuckin' ... make him tell you why he shouldn't, 'cause
that's fuckin' stupid. Pin him down." He paused.
"Metaphorically."

**Jen:**

 "Y' know what," Larkin pointed at him with the
bottle sloshing rum, "You're fuckin' right. He didn't wanna talk the other
day but I'm gonna march up t' that place and pin him the fuck down."

**Izzy:**

 "Yeah, you fuckin' are," Hansel said excitedly.
This was fucking great. Larkin was fucking great. He clinked his flask against
her bottle and turned it up again, remembered it was empty too late and gave it
a disappointed look. Fuck, he'd had that Shepherd Hills moonshine in there,
too. It was some powerful shit. He shouldn't've drank it all so fast.

**Jen:**

 "Aw, no," Larkin said with a concerned look at
Hansel's flask, then pressed the bottle on him. "Here, take. We gonna find
more."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel's common sense said, nah, that's a bad idea, and out
loud, he said, "Yeah, kitchen. Bound to be some there." He wondered
if anyone'd found his stash while he was gone.

**Jen:**

 Larkin was on her feet and, though a bit wonkily, off before
Goro could think to object. Eh, probably wouldn't mind. Fool likely drooled
over her and Hansel talking but who gave a shit anyway.

**Lina:**

Goro snorted as he watched Larkin veer off in the general
direction of the kitchen.

Then it was just him and Hansel, and Goro didn't know what
to say. They'd been apart a couple weeks now, and Goro had been sick with missing
him, but now that he was here--looking and sounding all real, surreal almost,
compared to the pale imitation Goro had been imagining in his head all the
time--

Yeah. He just didn't know what to say. He pulled his knees
up to his chest, kept his hands fisted in the scarf, and covered the lower half
of his face with it. He stared at Hansel's shoes, since it was something
Hansel-related to look at, but with less pressure than looking at his face.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel watched Larkin go, grinning. This was going fuckin'
great. He thought he'd actually made her feel a bit better. Maybe it was just
the booze, but he'd brought her the booze, anyway, so he'd take credit for it.

He turned the bottle up, killing it off, and turned his grin
on Goro, who was sitting there all scrunched up, staring at the ground, looking
weird and awkward. God, Hansel loved him. Missed picking him up and crushing
him against his chest, making him ditch the weird awkward thing and just look
happy, but the weird awkward thing was so fucking cute, too.

"Hey," he said. "Hey, jackass."

**Lina:**

"What." His voice was muffled by the scarf.

**Izzy:**

 "I love you. C'mere."

**Lina:**

Fuck. What the hell. Him saying that just did something
weird to Goro's brain. Like a wave that crashed in so hard and so fast it
knocked down all the walls he put up and carried him, crawling, right over to
Hansel. He stopped within grabbing range, hoping to be dragged onto Hansel's
lap.

**Izzy:**

 Well, that just wasn't good or close enough. Hansel had made
himself chill the fuck out while Larkin was there, because it seemed fucking
mean to try to lecture her about her breakup while actively fucking cuddling Goro,
but since she was on the mission to find more to drink --

"Hey, I fuckin' said come here." He wrapped an arm
around Goro's neck and pulled him in, putting the other arm around his waist
and kissing his hair.

**Lina:**

Goro buried his face against Hansel's shoulder to hide the
fact he was grinning like a maniac.

"What?" he said again, trying to sound annoyed. He
was in a bad mood, god damn it. He'd been kidnapped by pirates and shit.

**Izzy:**

 "The fuck do you mean, what?" He kissed Goro's
hair again. "I love you. That was the entire fuckin' thought. Now you're
s'posed to say it back."

**Lina:**

"I love you. So much. There." And now Goro was
clutching him like it'd take a whole army to pry them apart. Eh, he was fucking
transparent.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel made a pleased sound and squeezed him back, harder.
He kept an eye out for Larkin, though. "Hey. Hey, I love you so fucking
much, but Larkin comes back, we gotta stop, 'cause it's just gonna fuckin' make
her sad. And I think she might actually kinda fucking like me, now. I'm makin'
progress."

**Lina:**

Goro snorted. "God, how much have you had to drink? I
mean, I agree, of course she fucking likes you. But holy hell, you sound
drunk."

**Izzy:**

 "Oh, yeah, that's 'cause I'm real fuckin' drunk, good
catch. Listen, listen." He lowered his voice. "I fucking know Larkin
likes me, d'you know she saved me from drowning this one time -- I mean, I
wasn't actually drowning, but she thought I was, and she couldn't really get me
outta the fucking water, but she did try, so -- listen, point is, I fucking
know that, but she doesn't. Just trying to fuckin' convince her. Sneaky, like.
Right?"

**Lina:**

Goro snorted and started giggling into Hansel's shoulder. It
took him a while to manage speaking again. "Yeah. Real sneaky. You're
doing good, Hans."

**Izzy:**

 "Hey. Shut up. It's workin'." He snickered,
though, because Goro was, and it was fucking adorable, and because he was too
fucking drunk to not be laughing.

**Lina:**

"I'm a little worried about whether she made it to the
kitchen or not. Maybe we should go check on her."

**Izzy:**

 "Psshhh. She didn't drink that much." He
remembered that Larkin was a lot fucking smaller than him. "Ah, wait, she
drank a fuckin' lot. Yeah, maybe."

**Lina:**

Goro wiggled himself free enough to give Hansel a long kiss
on the mouth--ah fuck, that was so nice, somehow he was going to have to find
time to do a lot more of that, amid all the other people wanting Hansel's
attention--then climbed off him and got to his feet.

"You gonna come with or are you too tipsy to
move?"

**Izzy:**

 "How fucking dare you." Hansel shot to his feet
and only stumbled a bit. He grabbed Goro's shoulder for no particular reason.
"We're on dry fuckin' ground. I can keep my fuckin' balance on choppy seas
and drunker'n this. How fucking dare you," he said again, fondly.

**Lina:**

Goro nearly lost his own balance when Hansel grabbed onto
him. "Good god," he said. He knew how he could motivate Hansel into
focusing and staying on his feet, though. "Hey, Larkin might really be in
trouble. Passed out in a puddle of her own vomit. We better hurry."

**Jen:**

 Larkin didn't look up when the kitchen door banged open.
From the shuffling and giggling she gathered it was Goro and Hansel, all happy
and couply together and shit.She
sat at the table, foreheard resting on the wood, arms crossed on the table top
and a bottle of dark ale cradled between them. The wood under her nose was wet,
and that was another reason not to look up. Didn't wanna have them see, and
think they should get all cuddly with her again. Wouldn't help this time.
Wasn't the same. Goro and Hansel weren't fucking Azriel.

Larkin pulled the bottle in against her cheek, wishing she
hadn't resigned herself to glueing the other to the table top.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel figured Larkin probably wasn't actually in any
trouble, but the idea of it made him focus up. Which primed him for fuckin'
action when they made it to the kitchen and he saw her draped over the table,
drinking by herself.

"Noo," he said softly, and dragged Goro along with
him over to her, sitting down heavily in the chair beside her and patting her
back without thinking about it. "You weren't supposed to drink alone, you
were s'posed to come back and drink with us," he reminded her.

**Jen:**

 "Nah," she slurred into her sleeve, not otherwise
moving, "this is better. No fuckin' couples."

**Lina:**

"Uh, we broke up," Goro blurted, then gave Hansel
a helpless shrug, like, What the fuck else should we say?

**Izzy:**

 "Yeah." Hansel nodded forcefully. "Yeah, we
fuckin' hate each other now. We're only here 'cause we both want you t'feel better."
He kept patting her.

**Jen:**

 She lifted her head an inch to glower at both of them, then
a hand, too, to flip them off.

**Izzy:**

 "Noo," Hansel said again, and grabbed her hand
with his free one, holding onto it. He didn't have anything other than that. Normally
this was the part where he gave up on talking and just hugged someone. She did
look a bit too far in the bottle to object too heavily, but he wanted her to
actually like it, not just put up with it.

Maybe she was like Goro had been -- didn't realize she
needed it. She was so stabby, though. So stabby. God, she was fantastic.

"Larkin," he tried. "Larkin, you're so
fucking great. Listen. You're amazing. Don't be sad. Come set some shit on fire
instead. D'you wanna stab me? You can stab me."

**Lina:**

"Um, no," Goro said. "No, she fucking can't.
The fuck."

**Jen:**

 Larkin wriggled her hand in Hansel's grasp and when he
didn't let go right away, flipped a knive from her free sleeve and rammed it
into the tabletop next to their hands. "Leggoo,"she whined. Larkin needed that hand. How was she supposed to
cushion her head and cradle her bottle at the same time without it?

**Izzy:**

 Psshh. She could stab him if she wanted. Fuckin' Goro didn't
tell him what to do. She didn't though, and he didn't think she'd missed, he
was pretty sure she was trying to threaten him. She didn't tell him what to do
either.

Without thinking too much more about it, Hansel scooped her
into his arms. She was so little. Little sad bird. He kept patting her and
grabbed for Goro, trying to drag him into hugging her, too. She needed more
hugs. So many hugs.

**Lina:**

Haha, this was great. Larkin was gonna fucking hate this,
but also love it. She was small enough Goro could wrap his arms around her to
link behind Hansel, keeping her nice and penned in. This was probably going to
turn painful for him real quick, but it was worth it.

**Jen:**

 "Hmmmpf," Larkin protested, face pressed against
Hansel's chest. "Efff Hmmmf!"

**Izzy:**

 "Uh huh," Hansel agreed with whatever that sound
had been, and kept hugging her. He still wasn't getting stabbed. This was a
good hug.

**Lina:**

"We should tell her about the tapping thing," Goro
said to Hansel. "In case she can't breathe."

**Jen:**

 Larkin managed to free her face and sucked in a breath, then
began to wriggle as much as her pinned arms would allow. "Why are you like
this," she said and, very eloquently, "Uuuugh."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel nodded sagely at Goro's suggestion, and immediately
forgot it when Larkin poked her head out. "'Cause you need a hug," he
told her. "An' 'cause I love you." Oh, no. Oh, no, he was so fucking
drunk. Shit.

**Lina:**

"And me, I love you too," Goro said. "You
love us back, Larkin, right?"

**Jen:**

 "God, I hate you two so much."

**Izzy:**

 "Nooo. You don't hate Goro."

**Jen:**

 "Ugh," Larkin made again and gave up on trying to
escape. She let herself hang limp between them, head tilted back and resting on
Goro's shoulder. "So much," she whispered at him. "Soooo
much."

**Lina:**

"In Larkin-speak, 'I hate you' means 'I love
you,'" Goro informed Hansel.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel made a suspicious sound and narrowed his eyes at
Goro, then looked back at Larkin. Eh. "'Kay then." That was good. He
grinned. Hahah. Larkin loved him. So much.

**Lina:**

"Notice how she hasn't actually stabbed either of us
yet," Goro said. "She's not even resisting. Ain't that right,
Lark?"

**Jen:**

 She snapped a heel up, driving her leg into Goro's groin,
and smirked at the satisfying sound he made.

**Lina:**

Goro let go of her and Hansel, staggering away groaning and
doubled over. "Oh my god. That's your future nieces and nephews, lady. Oh,
god."

**Izzy:**

 "Hey." Hansel pulled himself to his feet, Larkin
along with him, then dragged her up onto his shoulder where her legs would be
too short to reach anything important. Could still land her boots in his gut,
but who cared. "Don't fucking do that."

He angled her away so she probably couldn't kick Goro in the
face, and waved a hand out to him. Normally this was where he'd threaten to
kill whoever'd hurt Goro, but ... but ... He didn't know what to do here.

**Jen:**

 "S' okay," she said behind his back, snickering.
"It means I love him. Oh. Uh-oh." Something in her stomach roiled and
cut off the snickering. "Lemme down! Lemme down!"

**Lina:**

"She's gonna puke," Goro agreed. He knew that
sound in people's voices. Always the same.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel started to just say s'fine, I been puked on before,
but he considered that Goro and Mishka might not want to cuddle with him if he
smelled like puke, and gently set Larkin on her feet.

**Jen:**

 Larkin hurried out of the kitchen, clinging to the walls for
support. She made it just outside the terrace door before doubling over and
gracing some bushes with the contents of her stomach.

**Lina:**

Goro shook his head and went to put the kettle on the stove.
He set out a mug and rummaged through the cupboards, hoping they still had some
ginger root around. He found a little thumb of it, which he peeled and sliced
into the mug. Then he poured the hot water in and left it steaming on the table
for Larkin's return.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel watched her go. She kept running away from them. Made
him kinda sad. He bet she wouldn't be coming back on her own this time, either,
the little shit. He wobbled and caught himself on the table, waiting to see if
Goro was gonna go after her, but he was just making ginger tea for her.

He scoffed. That part came later. Had to get her first. Goro
was so fucking smart, though, thinking ahead and shit. Hansel'd get her, then.
He grabbed Goro and kissed the top of his head on the way out the door.

She was bent over some bushes, emptying her stomach out. He
nodded to himself. Yep. Yup. Been there. He wandered over and held his
waterskin out.

**Jen:**

 Most of what came out of her was cake and booze. Larkin
briefly wondered if it'd make the bushes wither.

Hansel approach with a waterskin in hand and Larkin took it,
nodding gratefully, while she tried to steady herself on the wall. God's. How
much had she drank? At least now, in her experience, the hangover wouldn't be
that bad. Provided she didn't continue drinking.

**Izzy:**

 He patted her back, offering, "Goro made you tea."

**Jen:**

 Larkin didn't answer, just continued clinging to the wall
while alternately drinking water and spitting it out.

**Izzy:**

 "I'm gonna carry you back in if you don't wanna
walk."

**Jen:**

 "I can walk," she said, not in the least looking like
it.

**Izzy:**

 "Hmmm." He narrowed his eyes at her. "You
lyin'?"

**Jen:**

 "Maybe."

**Izzy:**

 "Huh." He eyeballed her. "I'm gonna pick you
up again."

**Jen:**

 "Nah," she said. "Nah. Watch me." She
let got of the wall, swayed a bit in place, then made a few unsure steps around
Hansel, looking at him triumphantly; then she tripped and the ground rushed to
catch her.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel scrambled to try to catch her, successfully managing
to put himself between her and the ground before they both hit it. That was still
a win. He was going to pretend like this was how he'd meant for it to happen.

"Got you," he mumbled. This kid was all sharp. He
didn't know it if was an elbow or a knee or what, but something'd jabbed into
his gut. Still hurt from the whole bear thing and Larkin was like a knife that
was a person.

**Jen:**

 "God!" Larkin snorted with laughter and scrambled
to get up and off Hansel. "The fuck, man. Why you do that? God."

**Izzy:**

 "I caught you," he insisted, pushing himself back
upright, but staying on the ground for now because ... the ground was nice.

**Jen:**

 "Yeah, but- oof. " She swayed on her feet for a
moment, then sat down hard across from Hansel. Eh, this was alright. Sitting
was alright. "Thanks, I guess?"

**Izzy:**

 "Woulda been way fucking better if I hadn't've fuckin'
fell too," he grumbled, craning his neck around for a second to check if
Mishka had seen him. Mishka would still think he was fucking dashing. He was so
good. Hansel didn't see him, anywhere, though. He huffed.

**Lina:**

God, where the hell were those bastards? Goro took the mug
from the table and walked out to see what had become of them.

He didn't have to go far. They were right outside, sitting
on the ground. Good god. The blind leading the blind. Goro said nothing, just
held the mug out to Larkin.

**Jen:**

 "Oh, hey," Larkin said, taking the mug.
"Goro. Thanks."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel grabbed at Goro's sleeve, trying to drag him down to
sit with them again.

**Lina:**

Goro accepted the invitation and sat. "You feeling any
better?" he asked Larkin, not specifying whether he meant in the stomach
or in the head. Really, both.

**Jen:**

 "Ugh, ask me again in an hour or two." The taste
of puke was still in her mouth. She tried washing it away with tea.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel patted her shoulder. "Get more drunk, you'll
forget all about it."

**Lina:**

"I think she's fucking had enough, actually," Goro
said. "Quit giving her ideas."

**Jen:**

 "Uh-huh," Larkin agreed. "Had enough. Fuckin'
word."

**Izzy:**

 "Psshh." Lightweights. Fucking adorable, though.
He shifted from patting Larkin's shoulder to tugging her against his side
again.

**Lina:**

"Could be worse. Could've drunk enough that you thought
it was a good idea to wrestle a shark."

**Izzy:**

 "Hey," Hansel objected. "Hey. Hey. Look.
Look. I just fuckin' ... fell in the water. Shark was already there. Shark
wanted to fuckin' fight. Wasn't my idea."

**Jen:**

 Larkin craned her neck to stare at Hansel open mouthed.
"You beat up a shark? Fuck!"

**Izzy:**

 Hansel grinned, smug. "Yeah, I fuckin' did."

**Lina:**

Goro covered his face and shook his head. "You know, I
think this is the kind of conversation you have to be drunk to enjoy." He
climbed to his feet, still shaking his head. "Shark wanted to fuckin'
fight. Good god. I... just... never mind." He walked behind them to leave,
pausing to kiss the top of Hansel's head a couple times and give Larkin's
shoulder a squeeze.

**Jen:**

 "Hey, I want that, too!" Larkin yelled after Goro,
snickering.

**Lina:**

"Didn't wanna get jabbed by horns," he yelled back
without turning around.

**Izzy:**

 "Noo," Hansel said softly, watching after Goro and
still cuddling Larkin. He laid his head over on hers. "I miss him. Ow.
Fucking horns." He didn't move, though.

**Jen:**

 Larkin suddenly became aware of how much she enjoyed this
hug- Hansel was an excellent hugger- and it turned uncomfortable as fuck. She
glanced around but fortunately no one was paying them any mind. God.

Larkin fidgeted and wriggled until Hansel loosened his
embrace, and slipped out of it to sit a few feet away from him.

"So, uh, shark, huh?" She said. " How's
killing a shark in the fucking water work?"

**Izzy:**

 Aw, no. He thought maybe he was just hugging her too hard
and she wanted him to loosen up, but then she scooted away entirely. That was
sad. He'd thought it was all going well, but Goro'd left and Mishka and Roddy
weren't around, so he didn't have anyone to hug now.

"Uh," he said. "Uh, stabbing, mostly. You'd
be real fuckin' good at it." God, if a shark took a bite out of her the
size of the one it'd taken out of him, though, it'd be half her body. That was
terrifying. "Fuckin' ... don't, though."

**Jen:**

 "Not fucking planning to. Man..." She squinted and
looked him up and down. If a shark couldn't take this one down... she scoffed
and chuckled. "And I fucking thought I could kill you. Or, uh...
y'know." Shit, though, that'd been a bit too much. She waved it off, head
shaking.

**Izzy:**

 "Nah, nah, you're way more fucking vicious than a
fuckin' shark," he promised. "You could do it. An' you fuckin'
better, 'cause Goro won't." Shit, that was right, he wasn't supposed to
try to make Larkin like him, so she'd still off him if he got all fucked up by
Gruumsh and shit. He wanted to, though. Dammit.

**Jen:**

 "But he'll be so sad, it's gonna be unbearable,"
she whined. "It's not supposed to make him sad."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel saw her point. "Hmm." He scratched his
beard. "Hmmmm. Fuck, I got nothing. You're right. Shit."

**Jen:**

 "Yeah." Larkin tapped her fingers on a stone.
Fuck, the world was still swaying, and her thoughts with it. She lay down again
and spoke to the darkening sky. "He loves it so fucking much, us getting
along 'n shit, but I can't do that either. Ugh."

**Izzy:**

 "Oh." He gave her a sad look. Right. Right. Yeah.
No, they agreed on that. They weren't supposed to be friends and shit. He just
... really wanted to be. It was kind of pathetic how much he wanted it,
honestly. Like he was making it up to Kheman, or something. Plus, she was just
so goddamn great, he'd want her on his side no matter who she was.

Wasn't fuckin' fair.

"Yeah," he said. "Yeah, no." He pulled
up some grass idly. "I mean, yeah. Fuckin' ... yeah."

**Jen:**

 God, he sounded so miserable over it. Should count as a
fucking success, given that was what Pa wanted, but Larkin only felt bad. She
continued talking to the sky so she wouldn't have to look at Hansel.

"Look, I... fuck, man. What d' you want me to say? Guess
you already know I don't fucking hate you like I should."

**Izzy:**

 He gave an unhappy grumble, and mumbled, "Yeah,
sorry."

**Jen:**

 She snorted. "Sorry? For- being too fucking likable?
It's Goro's fault, really. He should be sorry."

**Izzy:**

 "I just fuckin' ... wanted you to like me." He
flopped over in the grass, staring up at the sky. "Thought that, y'know,
thought Kheman was dead an' I thought if I could -- could make you happy an'
take care of you it'd ... not make up for anything or make it better but, but
maybe it was all I could do. Y'don't fuckin' need me to take care of you,
though," he muttered, pulling more grass up. "Never did. An' you got
a dad. You don't ... sorry. I dunno. Sorry."

**Jen:**

 "No, I... fucking don't." Ugh, what the hell.
Pathetic shit show this was and yet, it took Larkin some considerable amount of
self-control to not tell him that, yeah, they were friends and Hansel could
fucking hug her, and... and this was fucking ridiculous.

"You shouldn't want that," she said. "I'm
your enemy. I like you, y' know, but fuck, I'm your goddamn enemy."

**Izzy:**

 "'Kay," Hansel mumbled. "Good. S'good. I'm
not yours though. Gonna keep tryin' to fuckin' help an' shit."

**Jen:**

 "No. Nooo." Larkin scrambled to get on her knees
and over to Hansel. She took his shoulders and shook them. "Don't fucking-
do that! You got no idea what I'd do for my dad. You'd not say that. God."
She let go and flopped onto her back beside him. "If I'm friends with
you," she said to the clouds, "How's that not fucking betraying
Pa?"

**Izzy:**

 Hansel shrugged miserably, then realized she wasn't looking
at him anymore. She was right. It wasn't just that he wanted to think someone'd
take him out if that Gruumsh shit got too dire -- it wasn't all selfish -- he'd
figured she would do that in the first place because he'd fucked over her dad.
And Kheman had been his friend, they'd been achim, he'dbaked Hansel's wedding cake and made him tea when he was hungover,
and ...

Sometimes Larkin was a lot like him, usually when Hansel saw
her with Goro, and no one else was around. But most of the time, he figured she
must be more like Renar. All sharp. He wanted to tell her -- tell her Don't feel
bad. Tell her Your dad's gonna love you whether you betray him or not. But that'd
just sound like he was trying to talk her into liking him, after all. He just
wanted her to feel better. That was all.

"Dunno," he said after a moment, trying to figure
out what the right thing was to say. "But -- but you shouldn't -- lissen.
Larkin. Lissen. Y'know that -- that Kheman ain't gonna ... He's gonna fuckin'
love you no matter what. I'm not sayin' you should betray him, I'm jussayin'
y'know, y'know, y'shouldn't be sad. He loves you and there ain't a damn thing
you can do about it." Hmm. He wasn't making his point. The hell was his
point? "You can hate me or like me either way, he's still gonna love
you." That was it.

**Jen:**

 "Hm. Yeah."

There was truth in that and damned if it didn't make her
feel even worse that Hansel had to point that out about her own father. Well,
stood to reason he'd known him better, after all.

It didn't matter anyway. Whatever Larkin had thought about
doing to Hansel- kill him, kill his family, make him suffer in any way- all
that was off the table. Dad wanted him alive, and his family... Jonn, that
little shit, was still on her list but fucking Goro wanted her to lay off. As
if he could tell her what to fucking do. But even if Larkin did kill Jon, he
wasn't Hansel's only family. Wouldn't be the same. She'd have to go after Lucy,
too. And Roddy and Mishka. Wasn't doable. Wasn't what she wanted. And then,
after all of them, Hansel still had Goro to make him happy.

No, there was no fucking point in not being friends with
Hansel. If she really hated him, she wouldn't lie here in the grass with him.
If she'd really wanted him to suffer, she'd find a way. And if dad had wanted
it, he'd have said so. But he hadn't. Kheman wasn't Renar. And neither was
Larkin.

**Izzy:**

 That was, uh. Good enough, he guessed. He wasn't really positive
she believed him, and he didn't know what was going on in her head if she did
or not.

She was hanging out with him, though, still, and he wasn't
sure if he should be disappointed about that or if he was allowed to be pleased
about it. He wondered if Kheman would really want Hansel anywhere near his kid.
It'd been -- easier, somehow, thinking he was dead, and Hansel could just try to
do what he would've tried to do, but he was alive, and fucking traumatized by
what Hansel had done, and the idea of fucking Hansel spending as much time as
he did around Larkin -- getting drunk, and faking barfights, and hugging her
when she was fucked up over a breakup -- god, Kheman would probably be fucking
horrified.

Hansel sat up abruptly, the sensation making him feel sick.
Or maybe he just felt sick as it was. He wondered where Goro had gotten to.
"Hey. Hey, you need more tea?" Fuck, was he supposed to be fucking
nice to Larkin or not? "I need tea. An' water." He paused. "An'
cake."

**Jen:**

 "More tea," she agreed but didn't move. It was
getting cold in the damp grass but damn, her stomach still didn't feel like
being upright.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel shifted around and offered her a hand, because just
not caring about her and not being nice to her was too hard.

**Jen:**

 Larkin squinted up at it, kinda wishing he'd try to carry
her again. Wouldn't have to move herself then. Oh, well, but Goro had wandered
off and if she wanted more tea, she would have to make it herself. She took the
hand then, hoping Hansel wouldn't yank her up too violently.

**Izzy:**

 He tugged her up gently, dragging himself to his feet, then
thought -- ah, fuck it. She looked so tired. And she'd said that thing about
liking him, before she'd said the thing about being his enemy. He guessed he
had to deal with the fact that she already probably wasn't gonna stab him, so
he might as well make things worse.

Wasn't like she weighed a goddamn thing, anyway, so he
pulled her on up, hooking an arm under her knees and hefting her against his
chest. He turned towards the kitchen door, but then paused for a moment to see
if she was gonna realize what was going on and make him put her down.

**Jen:**

 Larkin hung limp, willing her stomach to settle.

**Izzy:**

 Great. Well, not great, because it was sort of like carrying
a dead body, but good. Good enough. Beggars couldn't be choosers and all that
shit. He carried her on to the kitchen, fumbling with the door a little.

He wished there was a couch he could put her down on -- he
figured she needed a fucking nap -- but settled for taking her over to the fire
and letting her feet down carefully.

"Siddown," he said firmly, patting her shoulder
and keeping a hold on her 'til it seemed like she was stable enough to stand on
her own. At least long enough to sit instead of falling. "I'll make
tea."

Like your dad used to make, he thought about saying, but
nah. Nah. That'd make things worse in a way he didn't want.

**Jen:**

 Larkin steadied herself on the hearth for a moment, then
made her way over to the chairs. "God. Mask. I'll never drink that much
again. Fucking... ever."

**Izzy:**

 "Pfff." Hansel fumbled through the cabinets for a
mug, and the blend of tea he had for hangovers. "Yeah, you fuckin'
will." The kettle was still kind of warm, but he set it over the fire
again, anyway. Had to be hot. He used to make himself lukewarm coffee just to
get himself awake in the mornings, and Kheman was fucking scandalized by it.

**Jen:**

 "Ugh," she huffed, and rested her forehead on the
table. "I know."

**Izzy:**

 He nodded sagely. Yes. Hansel knew about two things, and it
was relationships and drinking. Those, and killing people. And cooking. Four things.
He was good at four things.

The kettle whistled, and he started steeping the tea,
clattering around trying to find the honey. Fuckers had moved it while he'd been
gone. No, wait. There it was. Right where it was supposed to be. All right.
Focus. He hooked the two mugs by the handles and stared at them, making sure
they didn't spill on the way to the table, honey in his other hand. Excellent
job, commander. Corven'd be proud. He set the mugs and honey down and sat
himself down next to Larkin, heavily.

He wondered if she'd ... wanna hear stories about her dad.
Pirate stories. Like Mishka told. But real ones. He poked one mug closer to
her. Nah. He couldn't tell if that was a dumb idea or not, so he just kept his
mouth shut.

**Jen:**

 They way Hansel balanced the mugs over to her looked pretty
damn precarious, but he managed without an accident. Good sailor's footwork.

She pulled a mug over to her and dumped a spoon of honey in,
before sniffing the tea and, nose wrinkled, taking a second. "That's
Pa's," she said quietly, stirring. Wouldn't be able to ever forget her
father's nasty bitter nausea tea he loved so much.

**Izzy:**

 Aw. Shit. He hadn't thought about Larkin just fucking recognizing
it. "Yeah," he said slowly. "Yeah, he taught me. We used to, uh.
Get drunk together a lot, y'know, and he'd always take care of all of us that
did. 'Cause we were all dumbasses." He hid his face behind his mug a bit,
mumbling, "Only fuckin' adult on that ship for a while, swear to
god."

**Jen:**

 That made her smile. Yeah. Sounded like dad, except...
"Never was much of an adult on land, though."

**Izzy:**

 "M'yeah." Hansel scratched his beard, stilling
half-hiding behind his mug. "Yeah. Me neither. Fuckin' ... pirates."
He felt the urge to apologize, like he could've made Kheman be a better father,
or something. "Y'think anyone goes out on a fuckin' ship and decides to
steal shit off other ships 'cause they're fuckin' well-adjusted an' shit?
Nah."

**Jen:**

 "Pa never wanted to steal shit. He just wanted to
sail."

**Izzy:**

 Hansel squinted. "Prob'ly coulda done that on a safer
sorta ship. Fuckin' ... passenger vessel, maybe. Aw, no. Then pirates might've
got'im," he said sadly.

**Jen:**

 Larkin snorted a laugh. Yeah, probably. Maybe Haeth and his
ship even.

"Pa used to sail with merchanters before," she
told Hansel. "Didn't you know?"

**Izzy:**

 "Nah. Guess not." He kept scratching his beard.
"He'd been on the Blade for fuckin' ... I dunno, a while, time I showed up.
Not a lotta talkin' about the past. Y'know, all ... living in the moment, and
shit. Not thinkin' about the future, either."

**Jen:**

 "Sounds good, kind of."

Life as a land thug wasn't much different, sometimes, but
one still had to keep in mind the past of places and people, else one's future
might turn out rather short.

**Izzy:**

 "Yeah," he said, getting misty-eyed. "Was
good." He stared off into space for a second, then blinked and looked back
to her. "Hey. Hey, you should fuckin' go lay down." He remembered his
plan of finding a couch to put her on. There were couches upstairs. Her room
was upstairs, too, though, across from Goro's, even though she had a place in
Glimmerton. That was good. Goro'd been so sad about her and Amari not coming
out to the castle. Real good. Maybe Amari would, soon, too.

"Gonna take ya," he decided, surging to his feet
and moving to pick her up again.

**Jen:**

 "Nah, man, I'm good." Larkin waved him off. Blew
on her tea, because it was still hot and she hadn't even had half of it yet.
"It's not even fucking midnight yet, is it?"

**Izzy:**

 "Hey. Listen. You already fuckin' got to the part where
you throw up an' say you're never drinkin' again," he reminded her, poking
a finger into her shoulder. Maybe he should let her drink the tea first. No way
was he gonna carry it upstairs. It'd just end up all over the stairs.

**Jen:**

 "You gonna be happy if I go take a couch?"

**Izzy:**

 He narrowed his eyes at her. "You gonna stay there 'til
you feel better, or you gonna fuck off soon as I walk away?"

**Jen:**

 "Fuck off," she said with a skewed grin.

**Izzy:**

 "Then I'm fuckin' stayin' with you." He prodded
her shoulder again, to show her he meant it. "An' you're gonna take a ...
a goddamn nap, is what you're gonna do."

**Jen:**

 "Hansel, you're not my... fucking mother."

**Izzy:**

 "Larkin." He dropped his hand on her shoulder and
stared her in the eyes. God, he was so drunk. "Lissen. We're fuckin' ...
we're achim now, whether you fuckin' like it or not." He patted her.
"D'you fuckin' ... You got any idea how many times your dad kept me from
fuckin' choking in puke in my sleep, an' shit. I ain't gotta be your fuckin'
mom t'wanna take care of you."

That was sad, actually, that she thought that. Fuckin' ...
fuckin' Renar never took care of her, and Kheman wasn't around to. Had anyone
ever taken care of Larkin? Goddamn infuriating to think about. But also sad. He
was gonna fix this.

**Jen:**

 Larkin scowled but didn't object. He did kind of have a
point... with the lying down and such. Might be good for her, except even
sitting up the world was at a dangerous tilt and it took some willpower not to
follow it. Lying down would likely make it worse.

"I guess... Pa wouldn't want me choke on my puke,"
she said. Took a sip of tea, trying not to smile over Hansel's concern.

**Izzy:**

 "That's fuckin' right he wouldn't," Hansel said
firmly. Hmm. She could hold the tea, and he'd hold her. Yeah. That was a good
idea.

He carefully analyzed the situation, like a fucking pro
Master at Arms who'd served in that position for almost ten years on the most
feared pirate ship of the Calish Sea, then scooped her up by the waist and
braced her against his hip, sort of, so she was still upright and could hold
onto her mug. Also, so that he'd have a hand free to hold onto rails, and
walls, and shit like that, and not trip.

She was real fuckin' light. Carrying her one-armed was no
problem. Yes. This was a fucking great plan. He started out of the kitchen, for
the stairs. "We can hang out in th' fuckin' ... den or whatever. Couches.
Wherever there's couches."

**Jen:**

 "Den? What den?" Larkin asked, trying to balance
her tea while being jostled around in Hansel's grip. Damn, That guy was strong.
Carrying her like that. She considered drinking her tea on the way, but... ah,
fuck. She tried and the hot stuff spilt down her short front.

**Izzy:**

 "Listen," Hansel said, "I don't fuckin' ... I
don't know what fuckin' rooms are called. That one with the goddamn, like ...
the fireplace. Look." He made it to the top of the main stairs, coming up
on the side of the war room out of habit, and waved his free hand towards the
bigger, open room with the balcony doors and all. "This'n. This room. S'a
fuckin' room."

**Jen:**

 "Living room, Hansel. God, how much've you had?"
Larkin squinted at his face, which was considerable closer to hers now than
usual. Didn't look much different, except she could now see a lot of scars in
detail. Maybe Hansel was just always kinda drunk.

"Lemme down." She wriggled around as much as she
could without spilling more tea to be let to her feet.

**Izzy:**

 "Fuckin' ... what, as in not a dying room? Fuckin'
dumb," he muttered, tilting to set her down, stumbling a bit but not
before she was safely on her feet. He had priorities.

**Jen:**

 "Oh, watch out!" Larkin held out a hand to help
steady Hansel (yeah, as if) while her other kept the tea out of the danger
zone.

**Izzy:**

 "Psshh." He patted her back, absolutely not using
her for balance. "Larkin. I can keep my balance in a fuckin' storm at sea
drunker'n this." Had he already said that tonight? Well, it was still true.
"I'm fine. S'fine. All good. You oughta siddown, you're drunk."

**Jen:**

 "Uh-huh, yeah, says the guy like a.... ah, guys fucking
swaying like- uhm." She scrambled for the word, broke off, and frowned.
"Uh. Nevermind," shesaid
and aimed for a couch.

**Izzy:**

 Hansel nodded solemnly. Larkin made a lot of sense. He
flopped down on the couch next to her, then slouched further down. Hm. Couches
were good. And this was good. Or it was bad. He couldn't keep it fucking
straight anymore, so he was just gonna be happy that Larkin liked him, even if
she did still think they should be enemies, and even if he still needed her to
kill him, and ...

Ehh, whatever. This was nice.

[END]

Title: Drunk Idiots

Summary: Hansel and Goro comfort Larkin over her breakup
with Azriel. Hansel offers questionable relationship tips. After Goro leaves
Drunk Idiots to their own devices, they talk about Kheman and how they can be
friends with what's in their past.