Caillou's Family Secrets: Redone

(Note: This is a remake of a well-known creepy pasta to make it family friendly.)

Does anybody remember the television show on PBS, Caillou? It's a show about a little kid who goes to all of these places and deals with real life situations. There was a unaired episode that was so fucked up I had to tell someone. You might be wondering, "How do I know of this unaired episode?" Well, I used to work at PBS Studios. There was a man who was a lead animator for a Caillou special, which was supposed to revive the struggling franchise in 2008. His name was Daniel Bottomdweller. He would work day after day in an isolated room, designing a special that would "blow our minds", as he said. He indeed blew our minds, but not in an amazed way. In a sick, twisted way.

One day, he rounded up the cast and crew of the show to watch his final product.

"Alright, guys," said Daniel, as he pulled out a Nerf gun. "I just made this brand new Caillou episode. You guys are gonna go watch it. I swear to you, if you don't go out of your way and watch this, I will shoot you with this Nerf gun."

Not having anything better to do, we obeyed him. He gave us two DVDs and then left for unknown reasons. We put the first DVD in to see our guaranteed masterpiece of an episode. If only we knew what would would befall.

The first DVD started. It had the normal theme song for Caillou, and it brought back memories of past episodes for me. A title card appeared, and it said "Family Secrets". The episode began with Caillou in a movie theater, watching Avatar, with his Dad sitting beside him. Our first look at Caillou was horrifying. His eyes were red, he had metal skin, dog ears, a hat, and he sounded like Arnold Schwarzenegger. He then asked his father a question.

"Daddy! Why would she do that to us?! BLARG!!!!!!!!" asked Caillou.

"I don't know, son," said his Dad, who sounded like a teenage girl. "Just like watch the movie."

It then it went to a shot of their house in a flashback, I presumed. Caillou's mom was in the kitchen cooking something, when her husband walked in with a depressed and somewhat scary look. He had dark rings around his eyes and had no eyebrows. He was sobbing.

"The results like so came back from the hospital," said his Dad. "Caillou is really The Terminator."

His sobbing increased, but somehow his mother seemed... unfazed. Was she in shock? Outrage? Sadness? BBQ Sauce? She just walked out of the room and began dusting around the house.

She noticed her husband's wallet on the table in the living room. Inside of it, she saw $100,000 cash with two coupons for free KFC 12 piece buckets. It prompted the man next to me to say, "What the Colonel Sanders?"

Inside the wallet, there was a phone number that belonged to Miss Martin, Caillou's preschool teacher. Caillou's mom confronted her husband and slapped him across the face with the $100,000. He then picked it up to throw at her, but it missed and got shredded up in a paper shredder. This is where the confrontation started.

"What the Colonel is this?!" asked Caillou's Mom, sounding like Don Lino from Shark Tale.

"I don't know," said his father.

"Yes you do, you hog," said his mother. "You own a KFC franchise when you know I'm vegan!"

"It's not like I get money from you anymore, since you had those kids. I told you to eat them. Heck, I would have gotten the A1 Sauce and mashed potatoes ready to feast on them, since I thought they were going to be made out of steak! But no! You wouldn't let me, you stupid vegan!"

Caillou's mother began to sob, and she put her hands over her eyes. Meanwhile, Caillou's Dad went over to the Crock pot that she had on the stove. He slammed it on the ground and 16 ribeye steaks fell out. The argument continued.

"What the ribeye is this, you hypocrite?!" asked Caillou's dad.

"Oh, I'm the hypocrite? You're the one who owns a KFC with our son's teacher!" said his mom.

"Excuse me if I thought he was a robot. He would exceed at academics, so I became the teacher and taught Miss Martin reading, writing, and KFC."

"You're a monster!"

"Yeah, and you are like a silly vegan! So live with it!" said Caillou's Dad, ending the argument like that.

We were all in shock by what we just heard. One of the other men began to look for Daniel.

Caillou's Mom lifted her hands from her face and her eyes were brown. She grabbed her guitar, stormed past her husband, and ran out the door. Down from the stairs came Caillou and Rosie.

"Daddy! Why were you and Mommy yelling?! Blarg!" asked Caillou.

"Because your mother has like so lost her mind!" responded Caillou's Dad.

The next scene was Caillou's mother busting open the door of the preschool. Miss Martin saw her brown eyes and she said, "Oh Colonel!" Caillou's Mom saw the kids around her. She ordered them to line up against the wall, Miss Martin included. The first one to go was Leo. He ran out of the room after Caillou's Mom played "White Iverson" by Post Malone on her guitar.

She then went on to play various songs by Blink-182 and caused Clementine, Xavier, and Emma to run out of the building. Then, she threw a McDonald's Big Mac at Miss Martin, and caused her to retreat to her KFC. We were all terrified at this point. The cast left and most of the crew did too. There only two other people, and me.

Caillou's Mom went back to her house. Caillou and his Dad were in the basement, but Rosie wasn't there. She went into her room to sleep. Caillou's Mom went upstairs and saw her daughter sleeping. She then put her butt up to her face and farted on her. Apparently, she had Taco Bell the night before and this was enough to cause Rosie to jump out the window and run away, screaming.

It then cut to an intermission that had the puppets from the original seasons, but what we saw them do was really messed up. Rexy the Blue Dinosaur was spoon-feeding Teddy a McDonald's Big Mac meal with a Coke for five whole minutes, until Didi the Squirrel came in with a GrabPack and grabbed the entire Big Mac meal like Master Shifu from Kung-Fu Panda. The screen faded to black with screams of terror.

It went back to the show. Caillou's Mom farted on his Grandparents and caused them to run away. I almost peed myself. The cops abruptly showed up and tried to put Caillou's Mom in handcuffs, but she farted on the officer and caused him to run away.

"Boo-ya-ka!!!!" yelled Caillou's Mom, sounding like Oscar from Shark Tale.

Another officer took out a can of Febreeze and sprayed Caillou's Mom with it, causing her to drop dead due to how powerful the smell was.

It then cut back to the movie theater. Caillou and his Dad were continuing to watch the movie, until the ghost of Caillou's Mom rushed in and farted on everybody, causing them to run away.

"I can't take it anymore!" yelled Caillou's Dad. "My family ruined my KFC job. Now, it's time to get farted on."

He T-Posed in front of the ghost of Caillou's Mom, and let her fart on him, causing him to run away. Caillou then changed into a Teletubby, and said, "Everyone! Bye bye! Blarg!" The DVD ended.

We took the DVD and the unwatched one, which said "Family Secrets Commentary" on it, and threw them in the garbage. We later found out that Daniel farted on his wife, but was never found. Let me clarify that the DVDs are not destroyed, and they are still out there somewhere. If you see any DVD with Family Secrets, or Family Secrets Commentary on it, DO NOT WATCH THEM! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT WATCH THEM!