Episode 2: The Pie Mine Mystery Part 2

Zach

*It's the second part of our Dungeons and Dragons meets Fantasy Australia adventure, as our party of bonza mates have a less than opportune arrival at the Chunky Bloke Pie Mine and things go from bad to worse as the mystery deepens! FAIR DINKUM, IT'S A YOU BEAUT JATZ CRACKER!*

## Synopsis

The stagecoach containing Alf the Steward, Gadai, Plank and McKenzie contines onwards towards the mine. Gadai explains how some of her animal family of dingledongers were captured, leading her to enact revenge on the local town and run up debts which she must repay.

In the pre-dawn hours, the coach reaches a sign for the Chunky Bloke Pie Mine. Whipper stops the coach to inform Alf that the ward, a scarecrow-like magical item designed to keep away the various killer animals of Fantasy Australia, is missing. Alf looks out of the window and curses. Plank attempts to steal Alf's flask of whiskey, but Alf swats him away and directs him to look out of the window instead where a group of Flamin' Crows, one Loosey Goosey among their number, is preparing to attack.

One of the flamin' crows attacks Whipper, knocking him off the stagecoach. Alf orders the party to hold off the flamin' crows while he drives the stagecoach into the mine, and after some procrastination all three exit the carriage. Each kills one flamin' crow, causing the rest of the crows to hesitate. However, the three fail to see any warning signs before a Giant Huntsman Spider emerges from a trapdoor, latches onto the carriage, and pushes it off the cliff. Alf vanishes, but his last action is to throw Little Beefy's carrier clear. Gadai retrieves and befriends Little Beefy, while Plank searches Whipper's body, finds and takes 10 gold and a whip, and throws the Wee Willy Winker cap off the cliff after Alf.

A dwarf appears at the doorway to the mine and gestures for them to enter. He leads them to a shambolic office where human administrator Wenzo is struggling to keep control. Wenzo advises the group to not mention that Alf is dead and asks them to stay around him. The dwarf returns to say that there is unrest in the cafeteria, and the group and Wenzo head into the cafeteria to find that the pies being served are bleeding when bitten. A scuffle for control has broken out between Jolo and Ratrooter. Although McKenzie and Plank fail to intimidate Ratrooter into backing down, Gadai successfully does so.

Jolo introduces himself and explains that the miners are unwilling to go into the mines, thinking they are cursed. McKenzie suggests sending Wenzo into the mines, but he refuses, even when Plank attempts to punch him and misses wildly. Seeing that more blood is coming from the pie than would be possible, McKenzie casts Detect Magic and recognises dark, possibly blood, magic in use. Jolo is too scared to go with them into the mines, but directs them to the entrance and asks them to keep an eye open for his missing dormmate Definitely Stumpy.

## Characters

* Gadai
* McKenzie
* Plank
* Alf the Steward
* Whipper
* Wenzo
* Jolo
* Ratrooter
* Boont
* Dicko
* Stroker
* Definitely Stumpy (mentioned)

## Peoples

* Dwarves
* Halflings
* High Elves
* Humans
* Tieflings

## Creatures

* Dingledongers
* Flamin' Crows
* Giant Huntsman Spiders
* Loosey Goosey
* Piebugs

## Definitions

* Ward Scarecrow (Mentioned)
* Wee Willy Winker (Cap)

## Quotes

* Alf, to Plank on the roof of the carriage: "Hey, dickhead, you're holding them off, while I'm driving this into the mine, so get off the fucking roof. You're not Teen Wolf. Get off the roof so I can drive the - I can't fucking have you holding them off if you're coming in with me, dickhead. Did I fucking stutter? Get off the roof!"
* Suzanne: I didn't roll damage.
Luke: You didn't have to. You fucked its face.
* Ratrooter: "This is security? You, and this fucking hellbilly, and this fucking little tacker? You're security? Yeah, pull the other one mate, it's got fucking bells on."
* Ratrooter: "The pies are bleeding, and some cunt's got to take control. And *I am that cunt*."
* Gadai: "*I'll* put *you* to bed, mate!"
Ratrooter: "Woah, hey, woah! Shit! Hey... look, it's fucking all fun and games, alright? I, look, Jesus Christ, we're just having a laugh. Look, there's fucking blood in the pies, we're all scared, this is just my way of coping, alright? I'm very insecure, I don't feel good about myself, that's the problem, it's... I've gone and pissed myself, thank you very much... I'm going to bed. Who's coming with me?"
* Jolo: "Just over that way... and can I just say, before you go... cause I don't really want to go with you, cause I just like singing songs and eating pies, to be honest. And smoking durries. But my mate, my dormmate, Stumpy, he went missing not long ago, so if you see him, like, if you can find him and--"
McKenzie: sighs heavily
Jolo: "Sorry, are, are you sighing at my mate Stumpy? Did you know him?"
McKenzie: "It just sounds like an escort mission..."
Stumpy: "No, it's not a fucking escort mission, mate! I'm staying here, you're going in there! I'm just saying, if you see the cunt, tell him I miss him! Is that alright?!"

## Australian Culture References

* "Stone the flamin' crows" is an Australian expression of surprise or annoyance, made famous by Ray Meagher's character in Home and Away, Alf Stewart.
* "Root" is Australian slang, used as a verb or noun, with the same meaning as "fuck".
* "Boont" is Australian slang used to describe an overweight or fat person, similar to "chonk".

## Trivia and Gaffes

* Alf's "You're not Teen Wolf" is a reference not to the 2010 TV series, but to the 1985 movie which includes a scene where the main character 'surfs' on the roof of a moving car.
* When asked to roll Wisdom (Perception) checks after their first round of fighting with the flamin' crows, Suzanne and Paris both rolled 1s, while Zach rolled a 2. This gave the characters no warning before the attack of the Giant Huntsman Spider.
	+ Paris should have rerolled this 1, as Gadai is a halfling and therefore has luck on her side.
* Zach struggles to roll percentile dice, claiming to roll "6050" instead of 65.
* Both Luke and Zach go back and forth on whether Plank, as a tiefling, is resistant or immune to fire damage. He should be resistant.
* Critical misses no longer force other errors during a fight, they merely mean that the attack is guaranteed to miss.
* McKenzie should not have needed to roll for Detect Magic on the pie, as Detect Magic is a levelled spell and does not require a roll.
* Jolo asks to borrow a Wee Willy Winker cap from Plank, despite the fact that Plank had thrown it off the cliff earlier.