Lost THX "Tex" Trailer: A Star Wars DVD Boxset

You remember the time I mentioned a THX-certified Pixar boxset. Well, apparently, I found another boxset.

I was doing some shopping on Friday with my mum and foster brothers getting some groceries. We than later went to a second-hand store in Gladstone.

I marched into the DVD section to find a DVD that would interest me. I flicked through for some kids’ DVDs I want to get, until my eyes were laid on a Star Wars boxset, but THX-certified.

It featured the following Star Wars characters: R2-D2, C-3PO, Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, Yoda, Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi in a black background.

As I could tell from the golden circle on the front, this boxset featured the first six films of the Skywalker Saga.

I went to find my mum to show her my purchase and she was quite surprised.

I purchased for the boxset, got in the car and got home.

When I got in my room, I opened the boxset. The DVDs in chronological order were; The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, Revenge of the Sith, A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi.

I even noticed that the back cover explained this boxset was made for Star Wars’ 30th Anniversary all the way back in 2007.

“Hmm, interesting.” I said to myself.

When I was about to put the DVDs back in after examining them, I realized there was a hidden DVD placed behind “Return of the Jedi” which I didn’t see before.

It was a THX DVD. It was titled “The Rare Star Wars Trailer made by THX”. It featured two pairs of Star Wars characters from each of the first six films.

I however remembered my encounter with a DVD where Tex killed the Pixar Characters in October, but I built courage to just watch it anyway.

“Well, here I go.” I said, worried.

I inserted the disc into my Xbox One to watch it.

It showed a Warning Screen, and then the 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment logo (Which was obviously renamed to 20th Century Studios Home Entertainment because of Disney themselves).

I finally got to the DVD Menu. It started with a montage of clips from the first six Star Wars films in release order (A New Hope to Revenge of the Sith), before it cut to the menu with the saga’s trademark theme song.

The DVD Menu was almost like the Pixar one I saw, but with Star Wars characters in coloured boxes instead. Tex was even in one, too.

I knew I had a bad feeling about this (Yes, that was a Star Wars joke intended).

I prepared to press “Play” anyway to see what it would look like.

“This is where the fun begins.” I said in a sarcastic way, mimicking Anakin’s quote.

Before the trailer started, there was, yet again, another warning.

"The following THX trailer you are about to see was used to promote Star Wars' 30th Anniversary. The said trailer that is going to play will include graphic violence, scary nature, and sudden sounds. Viewers discretion is advised."

I had an annoyed expression on my face.

"Great." I said to myself. "Here it goes, I guess."

It then began with the interior of the Naboo Theed Palace (from The Phantom Menace) at night. It just showed a shot of the empty area for ten seconds with crickets chirping and faint howling wind, before Jar Jar Binks, the most hated Star Wars character of all time, walked into the shot.

Jar Jar looked around, smiling.

“Looks like mesa on duty to keep Amidala's palace safe.” He said, in his Gunganese dialect.

Just then, Jar Jar heard a faint chuckle coming from the hallway.

“Qui-gon jinn? Are yousa hair?” Asked Jar Jar.

“I’m not Queen Gum Jim or whatever his name is.” An echoey voice said.

Jar Jar began to get worried, hearing the sinister voice.

“Who’s hair?” he asked in concern.

It showed a close-up of Jar Jar looking around the hallway, before he turned around and the camera slowly panned to reveal Tex behind him, as a scare chord played.

Jar Jar screamed and jumped back in cartoony fashion.

“Who are yousa?!” Jar Jar exclaimed.

“Oh, I am Tex.” Replied the evil flanderized robot. “And who are you? An alien-slug who likes to build jars? Because your name is *Jar Jar*?”

Tex chuckled at his own joke.

“How wude. Mesa name is Jar Jar.” Jar Jar answered angrily.

“Oh, nice to meet you, Jar Jar.” Tex said.

“What are yousa gonna do to Mesa?” Jar Jar asked, scared and angry at the same time.

“Well, everyone in Naboo hates you, so this has to be done.” Tex said.

Tex grabbed out a lightsaber and ignited it.

“A sith lord?!” Jar Jar exclaimed in shock.

“That’s right, Jar boy! Say hello to Darth Texy!” Tex yelled.

He approached Jar Jar slowly, and stabbed him in the chest.

Jar Jar screamed in agony as he felt the lightsaber stick through his chest, before collapsing to the floor.

Tex pulled his usual cartoonish grin as he stared at the now-deceased Jar Jar’s body, before he pushed the button on his chest to activate his jetpack and flew off-screen.

It then cut to a shot of the Geonosis Hangar (from Attack of the Clones). Mace Windu and Yoda, the two jedi council members, walked in.

“A bad feeling, I have, about this.” Yoda said.

“I agree, Master Yoda.” Windu replied.

“Causing havoc, an unidentified droid is.” Yoda remarked.

Mace Windu’s eyes widened when he heard what Yoda said.

“An unidentified droid?”

Just then, an evil chuckle was heard.

Windu and Yoda got in their battle positions, ready to fight their next opponent.

“Who’s here?” Windu said.

“Show yourself, you must.” Said Yoda.

Just then, Tex came flying through the window and landed safely on the ground.

“Hello, Jedi. I’m your next Sith Lord – Darth Texy.”

“Duel with Darth Texy, we must.” Yoda ordered.

“Affirmative, Master Yoda.” Replied Windu.

Yoda and Windu grabbed out their lightsabers from their belts and ignited them, ready to duel with Tex.

Tex chuckled evilly and grabbed his own lightsaber.

Windu ran towards the robot, while Yoda leaped high into the air (similar to how he did in Attack of the Clones when fighting Count Dooku) and Tex leaped into the air also.

It was two-against-one. Windu, Yoda and Tex battled it out. I had a feeling this trailer will feature lightsaber duels.

The fighting went on for fifteen seconds, including Yoda jumping around like a maniac while fighting Tex and yelling while doing it.

Just then, Tex kicked Windu , causing his lightsaber to fly out of his hand, and sliced Windu’s hand off with his Sith lightsaber (which was similar to him losing his hand in “Revenge of the Sith”).

Yoda was shocked, and prepared to land an attack on Tex, but the latter just force-pushed him away.

I was surprised to see Tex use the force. Androids can’t use the force in the Star Wars universe, but Tex managed to be a force-user.

He then force-choked Windu and held him in the air.

“Out of the "Windu" you go, Mace!” Tex shouted, making another joke. He then swiped his arm aside, causing Windu to fly out of the window.

Windu screamed as he fell to his doom, and presumably died by impact of the ground.

“Be destroyed, you should be.” Yoda said off-screen.

Tex turned around and came face-to-face with Yoda, with his ignited green lightsaber.

“Oh, I missed you, little frog-elf.” Tex chuckled.

“Not funny, that is!” Yoda growled, offended by what Tex said.

Tex raised his lightsaber in the air and charged up to Yoda, attempting to slaughter him.

Yoda’s eyes widened, seeing the evil robot charging up to him.

Once Tex swung his lightsaber down on Yoda, it cut to black with the sound of the lightsaber clashing and Yoda grunting in pain.

The third segment started. It featured Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Padme Amidala on Mustafar (as seen in Revenge of the Sith).

Padme was lying on the floor, motionless, presumably due to Anakin force-choking her.

“You turned her against me!” Anakin shouted.

Obi-Wan’s eyes were in contact with Padme’s body, before he lifted them up to Anakin to argue with him.

“You have done that yourself.” He said, calmly.

The two former allies then pulled off their jedi robes, staring at each other.

“Your anger and your lust for power have already done that. You have allowed this dark lord to twist your mind until now, you have become the very thing you swore to destroy.” Obi-Wan said.

“Don’t lecture me, Obi-Wan.” Anakin began. “I see through the lies of the jedi. And if I become a powerful Sith Lord, my new empire will-“

Not long after, Anakin’s sentence was interrupted by Tex dropping down between the two former allies.

“Hey, hey, hey! Don’t start the battle without me! We can have a threesome!” Tex said.

“Who are you?” Obi-Wan asked. “Are you Anakin’s apprentice?”

“I don’t even know who this droid is.” Replied Anakin.

“Oh, my name is Darth Texy, and I am gonna finish both of your lives.” Tex said, grinning evilly and igniting his lightsaber.

Obi-Wan then charged towards Tex and began to get in a lightsaber duel with him.

As he fought Obi-Wan, Tex began to laugh maniacally like the Green Goblin from the Spider-Man trilogy.

“Are you enjoying it, Kenny Boy? Are ya?!” Tex taunted.

Obi-Wan grew angrier and attempted to attack Tex with his lightsaber.

Just then, Tex then vanished in Obi-Wan’s eyes.

Obi-Wan was confused, worried and shocked.

He looked around, wondering where the evil robot went.

Just then, a red lightsaber blade stuck through Obi-Wan’s chest, killing him in the process.

Oh yeah, and it turns out that Tex was the cause of that attack he just made earlier.

Obi-Wan fell to the floor, as a minor wound was seen on his back.

Tex then turned to Anakin, who was watching the entire duel.

“Does this mean you’re going to help me with my new empire?” Asked Anakin, thinking that Tex would help him.

Tex just pulled his infamous cartoonish grin and said, “No thanks, Ani boy. I just came here to crash the party.”

Tex then flew over to Padme’s motionless body and stabbed her in the back of the chest.

Padme grunted in pain, feeling a lightsaber go straight into her heart.

“Padme!” Anakin screamed.

He was in disbelief seeing the robot kill his wife. He began to shed a single tear observing her own body, before his face formed from sadness to anger as he looked at Tex from behind, who supposedly flew back to his spot.

“You may have killed my wife, but you will NEVER kill me! *I* will kill you!” Anakin shouted.

Anakin ignited his lightsaber, preparing to charge towards him.

“Let’s finish this, sky guy.” Tex said.

Anakin lunged towards Tex to attack him, but the latter used the force to push the former away from him.

Anakin landed on the edge of the landing zone, narrowly falling into the lava, losing his lightsaber.

“Don’t you *lava* swimming?” Tex asked, chuckling.

“You underestimate my power!” Anakin growled.

"Oh, did I?” Tex teased.

Anakin dashed towards Tex again, to try and attack him without his weapon. However, Tex force-pushed him again, sending him flying off the platform.

“Hasta La Vista, Ani boy!” Tex said, saluting him.

Anakin screamed as he fell towards the magma, but his scream was the classic Howie/Gut-Wrenching Scream.

He finally made contact with the magma and melted to death.

The fourth segment started.

It showed a shot of a starry background, before the Millennium Falcon came in.

Tex flew into the starry sky, spotting the Falcon.

“Well, well, well. Looks like the Aluminium Falcon is on a stroll.” Tex spoke to himself.

He then chased the Falcon, laughing evilly.

It cut to inside of the falcon, and the main characters of the original trilogy (Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, Han Solo, Chewbacca, R2-D2 and C-3PO). The main trio were motion-captured since their original actors (Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford) were too elderly to reprise their roles, but were the voices instead.

“Did you guys hear about a psychotic droid going on a spree lately?” Luke asked.

“No, not at all.” Leia answered. “Why?”

Han was controlling the falcon, until a faint chuckle was heard off-screen.

“What was that?” C-3PO asked.

R2-D2 chirped worried and confused.

The crew looked through the window, until...

“Boo!” Tex shouted, as they landed flat on the window.

Leia let out a short scream, both Luke and Han gasped and Chewbacca growled in shock.

“Oh my!” Threepio said in shock.

“Hey, hey, rebels! Your journey is not yet over! Say hello to Darth Texy!” Tex said, before igniting his lightsaber.

Tex then teleported inside of the Falcon and pierced Han in the chest with his lightsaber.

“Han!” Luke and Leia exclaimed in unison.

Artoo let out his trademark scream seeing the horrible disaster.

Chewbacca was infuriated. He growled angrily and attempted to attack Tex, but he was suddenly stabbed in the chest by Tex’s lightsaber, too.

“No!” Luke shouted.

“Leia! Control the falcon! I’ll take on the droid!” Luke told Leia.

Leia took control of the Millennium Falcon and Luke ignited his Lightsaber to fight Tex.

Tex and Luke duelled in the ship, their lightsabers clashing through the room.

Just then, Luke kicked Tex in the stomach, leaving him in the escape pod. He closed the door and pushed the button to eject the pod, sending Tex away.

Luke rushed back to the cockpit to inform Leia.

“Leia, I got rid of the droid. Take the falcon to Cloud City.”

It faded to the Carbon-Freezing Chamber from Cloud City (as seen in The Empire Strikes Back).

Luke, Artoo, Leia and Threepio walked into the shot.

“I think we will be safe here.” Threepio told the survivors.

“I hope.” Leia replied.

Artoo chirped in agreement.

Luke hushed Artoo by saying: “Artoo, quiet down. He’ll hear us.”

At that moment, Tex landed in front of the four heroes, startling them.

“It’s you again! You will pay for what you did to Han and Chewie!” Leia shouted.

Leia grabbed out her blaster, and Luke ignited his lightsaber again.

“Oh, is this where the fun begins?” Tex asked mockingly, before chuckling.

He ignited his Sith Lightsaber to duel Luke with.

Leia began shooting at Tex, but he deflected the bullets away from him.

At that moment, Tex began to choke Leia with the force, as he chuckled sinisterly, before throwing her across the chamber, leaving her to fall.

Leia screamed as she fell to her presumed death.

“Leia!” Luke exclaimed, horrified for his sister.

“Sorry, today is just not your *lukey* day.” Tex mocked, before laughing mockingly.

“How dare you kill the princess, you deranged monster!” Threepio yelled.

Tex just swung his lightsaber upwards before slicing Threepio in half, destroying him.

Artoo shrieked in horror, seeing his friend die.

“You monster! Take this!” Luke shouted in anger. He then charged towards Tex and kicked him in his crotch, causing him to fall.

Luke looked down the bottomless pit, finding an empty space. After a few short seconds, Tex flew up towards Luke with a deranged cartoony grin as a scare chord played.

“Artoo! Get to the falcon!” Luke warned Artoo.

Luke and Artoo ran out of the chamber to control the falcon.

It faded to the Death Star 2 (as seen in Return of the Jedi).

Luke and Artoo evacuated out of the Falcon and ran into the Emperor’s room.

As they got inside, Tex was already on the throne.

“Hello, Sky Boy.” Tex said, grinning evilly.

“Why?! Why do you keep following us?!” Luke berated, before ingiting his lightsaber furiously.

He ran towards Tex with his lightsaber, preparing to fight the evil robot.

Tex suddenly unscrewed his belly button, sucking the lightsaber into his navel.

He screwed his belly button back in, as he smiled.

“Your lightsaber could make a fine addition to my company.” Tex said, taunting the jedi knight.

Artoo sped towards Tex to attack him, only for Tex to powerfully force-push him away, causing him to fall down the shaft.

“Artoo!” Luke screamed.

“Don’t worry, Skywalker. I will give you a *lukey* day!” Tex teased, before pointing his hands towards the Jedi and using his force-lightning on him.

Luke was pushed back towards the shaft, almost stumbling down the pit.

Tex flew towards the Jedi Knight before landing carefully next to him, with his lightsaber ignited.

Luke grunted in pain feeling the lightning through his body.

“Aw, what’s the matter, Widdle Skywalker? Did Darth Texy bruise you badly?” Tex asked rudely.

“You… you’ve killed so many innocent people! It is my job to protect them!” Luke retorted angrily.

Tex chuckled, ignoring what he said.

“Well, it’s time to know the truth.”

“Wh-what is… the truth?” Luke asked weakly.

Tex then said, as the camera cut to different close-ups of him as he punctuated his words, referencing Darth Vader's famous "I am your father" line. “I… am… your mascot.”

“WHAT?!” Luke exclaimed. “You’re the robot of that one company we know of!”

Tex didn’t reply, as he instead used the force and force-pushed Luke powerfully.

Luke fell screaming downwards into the reactor shaft, before there was a blue explosion once he disappeared.

The scene then cut to black. After about five seconds, it faded into a shot of the THX logo (Which was used in the Tex 3: "Action!" Trailer) in a black-ish grey background. On the ground, R2-D2 and C-3PO were visible.

The usual deep note then faded in, but with additional eerie Star Wars sounds such as the TIE Fighters, Palpatine's force scream, and the Tusken Raiders' grunts. The same screams from the Deleted Contest Trailer were audible still.

I was in utter disbelief hearing the deep note. I believed this might the mark the most horrifying deep note I have heard in the lost THX trailer yet.

After the deep note ended, Tex fell to the ground very hard and talked to us.

“Hey there, Star Wars fans! It’s your good old Sith Lord Tex! I’ve killed your precious Star Wars characters as a punishment for fearing me! The force is strong in me! Hence-fourth, I am now known as… Darth Texy. So I advise you; never fear me or my company, otherwise I will execute Order 66 on you all. May the Force be with you.”

Tex then flew of into the dark sky, laughing evilly.

Then, a black board dropped down which read, “Happy Star Wars Day 2007!”, which was produced for the 30th Anniversary of Star Wars.

In the background, as this screen was showing, I can hear Darth Vader’s breathing. No music, just the sinister breathing of the original Star Wars villain.

The trailer then finally ended and faded to black.

Luckily, there was no jumpscare that appeared on-screen.

It took me back to the menu.

I grabbed out the disc and informed my mom about the trailer.

I showed her the evidence, and she was appalled.

We phoned Lucasfilm the next day, and the answer from George Lucas was that Kennington teamed up with a man named Ryan Weathers to make this trailer.

We then thanked them for giving us the answers.

My mom and I went back to the second-hand store in Gladstone to inform the woman about the DVD, and she took a good look at it and realized there was an upset customer who became terrified of the trailer she donated it.

The woman apologized, and me and my mum were kind enough to forgive her.

I never knew there would have been a Star Wars crossover with THX. I never knew it.

Be on the lookout for trailers, as always, and may the force be with you.