225: The Dead Among You Have Nothing to Fear

## Summary

To avoid running into the town guard, the group make themselves scarce by hiding at Aleister's apartment. At the safe house, the party press a reluctant Will to hand over Crumplemeyer's incriminating documents, prompting Will to attempt escape by transforming into Curtis, but the group persuade Curtis to stay for brunch instead. After Will returns (and actually eats something!) he slips out and makes his way to the docks to burn the papers, only to be chased off by a vigilant townsfolk. However, the chase is interrupted by the sudden arrival of an upside-down dragon!

## Synopsis

The town guards are rushing up the street towards the party. Will tells everyone they've got to get out of here. Batthwack is standing quietly in the middle of the street, the bodies of Captain Clockface and Selenia slung over his shoulders. Gwen reminds them that Aleister has offered them a safe place to stay. Will isn't going to hang around and wait for the discussion to take place, so begins to walk away. Gwen also sets off in the same direction, down a side alley, in the direction of Aleister's. Raphina, Mo and Hilula follow. Gwen tells Batthwack to leave Selenia's body behind, but he's not about to do that. He jogs after them. Will turns back to make sure Batthwack is following.

Gwen is weaving through side streets, avoiding the main roads, cutting through a park and a small square on the way to Aleister's. On the way there, Will slips away into the crowd to lose the group, but Mo is following him very closely and his huge rainbow frill makes it pretty obvious to the others where he's going. *"Where are you going?"* cries Mo. *"I don't know. I'm lost. This is a really confusing town. It must have not been planned properly."* replies Will, trying to cover for his failed attempt to slip away. Mo offers to guide Will and leads him along behind everyone else.

They eventually reach Aleister's apartment, with every following behind Gwen. Sticking her head out onto the main street, she carefully checks both ways for any sign of the town guard. Nothing. She knocks on the door. No answer. Batthwack notices an odd shadow at the right-hand edge of the door. It's not moving. He holds his hand up to tell everyone to be quiet and points at it. Gwen puts Kowl down on the ground and telepathically asks them if they can see anything. Kowl says *"Well yeah, there's a piece of paper!"* They manage to hook it out with a claw. Gwen immediately recognises Aleister's handwriting. The note says *"Town guard outside. Thought they may have been coming for you. Big arrests outside. A few people dragged away. Laying low. Feel free to use my place."* Raphina tries the door, which is locked, but Gwen has a key. She opens it up and goes in.

Raphina goes in. Will is waiting outside, arms folded. Batthwack goes in. Will whispers quietly to Mo *"I don't think we should go into this room and just get killed by a random Eldritch Blast."* Mo says *"I thought he give you all his life juice?"* Will is disgusted at this turn of phrase. Mo points out how often Batthwack says he's not going to hurt Will, but Will says that's suspicious. Mo says Batthwack wouldn't lie, he's too boring. *"That's what you want as leader. Boring no lie guy."* Mo asks if Will wants to be the leader, as he has a crown too. Will just ignores that and walks inside.

Will's grumpy and asks why they're still here and haven't gotten out of town. Gwen says she was thinking of cooking them some food. She also says she doesn't want to leave until she's exposed Crumplemeyer's duplicity. She asks Will for the incriminating papers he grabbed from Crumplemeyer's office, but Will lies, saying he might have left them in the factory. Gwen's disappointed, but Raphina doesn't buy it. She tells Will to turn out his pockets, which of course outrages him and he makes for the door. Gwen grabs her quarterstaff and puts it right in his way. She says *"Where are you going?"* They tell him it's not safe outside, but Will says it's not safe in here. He casts *Dimension Door* to get outside, but he's only half way through the portal when Gwen casts *Dispel Magic* and he's yanked back into the room. Gwen says *"Will, I'm gonna need you to calm down."* Will tries to argue that they've already done what Krikrik wanted, so why bother with discrediting Crumplemeyer. Raphina asks for the papers again. Will shouts *"Fine!"* and throws down a bunch of the papers before heading to the door again. Gwen steps in his way this time, but Will reaches into his bag, grabs Curtis' punching dagger and disappears, being instantly replaced by Curtis.

Curtis stares confusedly at everybody. Raphina and Batthwack recognise him, but Gwen doesn't. Mo doesn't either. He shouts *"Who is this?!"* Raphina explains to Gwen that this is Will's brother, who Will can change places with. Curtis has the sense that he should be leaving, which is what Will was feeling before he vanished. As he turns to go, Gwen says *"No, no, I was just gonna make food for everyone. Do you want to stay with us and eat?"* Curtis' internal struggle is evident as he pauses and then says *"Um, what are you making?"* Gwen says she's going to look in the kitchen, but gives him a sticky brick in the meantime, which he gulps down in one. Curtis, still conflicted, says that Will wanted to leave. Gwen asks if Will always walks away from his problems without talking about them, but Curtis denies this, saying Will is a talker. *"He solves everything. He fixes everything."* says Curtis.

Curtis asks what's wrong, since Will was trying to leave. Raphina explains that they were angry at him for not sharing the papers they'd asked for. Gwen adds that he's mad them because she blocked his spell. Curtis says *"A spell? No! Did he hire a wizard or something?"* Curtis is absolutely dumbfounded and very sceptical when they say that Will is a powerful spellcaster and can fly. He also wasn't aware that it was Will bringing him here. He says *"Will knows a lot of things, guys. Like, I have never met anybody as smart as Will. And you guys, you should talk to him because he can teach you like a lot of things."* Gwen says that's what they were trying to do when he ran away. Curtis asks if they tried to touch him, because he doesn't like that. Raphina says she's trying to get Will used to hugs. Curtis pauses and says *"I mean like you know, he's ..."* He stops himself mid-sentence. *"I guess, no, I'm not supposed to say that."* When Raphina asks what, Curtis says *"Just something about hugs and Will."* Raphina and Gwen asks if they can hug Curtis and he agrees.

Gwen asks him if he's hungry and goes into the kitchen. Curtis sits down at the counter and stuffs a napkin into his shirt collar. Batthwack's not going to miss this opportunity to disrupt Will's plans. He carefully lays down the two bodies he's been carrying and goes over to Curtis. He tells him that he'll be getting a letter from Will soon and that Will's going to ask him to *"fence Yarjerit and check out Gully's End."* Batthwack continues *"I just wanted to tell you that where I'm from, Yarjerit is my name."* *"Hello!"* replies Curtis. He's about to go on and tell Curtis that he needn't investigate Gully's End, but before he can, Curtis disappears and is replaced by Will. Curtis' napkin flutters to the ground as Will realises what's happened. *"What the fuck Curtis?! Oh my god. This is the worst experience of my life."* Then Will smells something wonderful coming from the kitchen and his stomach growls loudly.

Raphina promises to stop bugging Will for a few minutes if he eats something. Gwen puts a plate in front of him, with scrambled eggs, sausage and pancakes. Batthwack gets out his cards again and continues drawing. Gwen puts plates in front of everyone. Everyone eats, including Will, doing his best to look normal. Batthwack polishes off the eggs and pancakes, and then seeing that Will is actually eating, he slides his plate of leftover sausages left over to him. Gwen notices this and asks if anything's wrong. Batthwack says it looks delicious, but he's full. Raphina explains that he's a vegetarian, but not all the time. Gwen apologises. Batthwack notices that Will didn't eat the sausage he offered him, so he slides it over to Mo, who practically inhales it.

Everyone is sitting back with full bellies, feeling somewhat happier and more content. Raphina asks Gwen where she thinks Aleister went. She's not sure, but she has a few ideas. Raphina wonders what he meant when he wrote that people were dragged away. Gwen says she feels like she's done with this town and just wants to leave now. Mo says that Moondreamer told her to leave anyway, but then remembers they're not sure if it was the real Moondreamer. Raphina suggests the townsfolk can figure out what happened with Crumplemeyer on their own. Batthwack reminds them that they need to raise the gold required for Raphina's spell to bring Selenia back from the dead. Gwen says she's sorry, but she just lost everything she owned and isn't giving him any money for someone she doesn't even know.

Will is picking up the papers he'd thrown on the floor earlier. He's taking advantage of the fact that no-one seems interested in them any more. Raphina says they should just go. She says they'll just get in trouble if they try and get the gold here. Batthwack's concerned about carrying Selenia with them on their travels. Gwen advises him to leave the body somewhere in Morrow's Inlet. Batthwack says *"She hasn't done anything to deserve this and we can still make it right."* Gwen says that's Batthwack's problem, not theirs and thinks that Selenia is just going to bring them nothing but problems. Raphina points out that they helped Gwen out when they didn't know her. Gwen says that Selenia's death was an accident, and sometimes things happen for a reason. Will slips quietly out the door, but pays him much mind. They come to a sort of consensus that it's the right time to leave town. Batthwack is in agreement, but says *"If we don't find a diamond in 10 days, I can't correct this mistake."* Thinking back to all the places and stores they've seen, he wonders to himself where in town he could procure a diamond before they leave.

Outside, Will walks towards the docks and heads down to the water, looking for a safe place to set a bonfire. There's a few townsfolk around, having quiet conversations. He continues to the far pier, next to the cliff wall and goes down onto the shore. String through the various bits of paperwork, he keeps Crumplemeyer's notes concerning the group, the note mentioning manipulating prices and such, and a book he'd grabbed from the *"Surveillance"* room in the *Tomorrow, Today* office, but he puts everything else on the ground and casts *Bonfire* to set it alight. He folds up the notes and puts them in his breast pocket of his coat.

From somewhere above Will and his bonfire, a voice calls out *"Oi! What are you doing down there?"* There's a man up on the pier behind him, looking down. Will seamlessly switches into cover-up mode and starts pretend sobbing, claiming his girlfriend broke up with him and he's burning all the things that remind him of her. Virgil spots that he's burning ledgers and tells Will to stay where he is while he comes down. Will doesn't hang around though, and starts running back up the road.

Meanwhile back at Aleister's apartment, Gwen writes a note for Aleister. It says *"Thank you for everything. Merrick Crumplemeyer was bad. Tomorrow Today. Watch yourself and I hope to see you again sometime."* They go outside and Gwen locks the door. Suddenly, in the direction of the dock area, they see Will, in his Mr Brownman guise, flapping wildly as he's being chased up the road by Virgil. Will is looking over his shoulder at his pursuer, who is quickly gaining on him. The party stop and stare at this remarkable scene. Gwen shakes her head and Batthwack looks on with subdued glee.

Suddenly Virgil skids to a halt. He's looking up at the sky behind them all, his jaw hanging open. Will sees this but carries on running. However he instinctively looks up to follow Virgil's gaze, as does the rest of the party. A large shape, gliding silently through the sky over the buildings of the town, has blotted out the sun. They squint to make out the shape silhouetted against the sun. It is a large orange dragon, wings flapping, gliding silently, but oddly it is upside down. From somewhere in the town, a shriek is heard: *"Aaaaaagh! Draaaagon!!"*

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Abby/Raphina. Eric asks Alex to describe what Batthwack is doing as the rest of the group disperse to avoid the town guard running at them. *"He's sheathed his sword. He's put his shield on his back. He has two lifeless bodies, one on each shoulder. He's holding their legs in front of him so their midsections cross over his shoulders and they're hanging down his back. I mean, he's sort of quiet and just standing."* he says. *"The dead among you have nothing to fear!"* replies Abby.

## References

1. ↑ The last time the group encountered Curtis was on the way back to Norton from Chilchirah's Lair - see episode 188: Guys, Did You See What I Just Did To Him?
2. ↑ See episode 213: The Seven of Decapitations
3. ↑ Fun fact: If Batthwack is a vegetarian who eats eggs, then technically he could be an ovo-vegetarian, which allows for the consumption of eggs but not dairy products!
4. ↑ See episode 209: Various Brick Sounds
5. ↑ See episode 212: Hubbubbada Bubbada!
6. ↑ See episode 218: Sure, I'll Consider It: A Phil Lompion and Fatmack Story
7. ↑ See episode 211: Disco is Dead, Batthwack!
8. ↑ KT put this explanatory note on the PFD community discord: *Will decided he had to destroy the evidence of Crumplemeyer being a bad guy. Why? Because he had just given orders as Crumplemeyer to arrest the halflings and keep them detained. It was a purely selfish move, meant to disrupt whatever Batthwack had done. Will suspected that Batthwack was trying to mess with the letter Will had sent to Tivoli (as that was the major drama between them in Morrow's Inlet). So he HAD to protect his town and HAD to go behind Batthwack's back and make sure those halflings didn't do whatever they were going to do. And I still (KT, that is) don't know what the halflings were going to do... but I was positive that if Batthwack was doing something secretive, Will would assume it was about the letter and would need to put a stop to it. So his prime motivation during this week's game was to make sure he covered his Crumplemeyer tracks and fucked up whatever Batthwack was doing. He didn't want anyone to discover that Crumplemeyer was a bad guy, because then the town might be like "omg, fuck those orders! Let the halflings go!"*
9. ↑ Eric later names him Virgil
10. ↑ KT rolled a nat 1 on deception!