The Funky Fart File

This is a book of hilarious farts with names, descriptions and funny sound effects; it's a Class of 3000 officially-licensed novelty book by Hi-Tops Publishing that doesn't belong to any line because it is a "special collectors' limited edition." Only 3000 were produced.

## How to Use

Punch in a 2-digit code and then push the "enter" button to hear your favourite schoolkids' delightfully scentless farts!

## Preface

* Dear Adoring Fan,
* We all "break the wind" once in a while, but it's not nice in crowds of publicity; however, onstage at the Westley Auditorium,
* all of our farts are AOK, especially if they end with one of us uttering the polite apology, "Forgive my rudeness!"
* or even a jokey remark (e.g. "My seat's gotta be muted now!").
* We hope that you enjoy this incredibly informative guide to vapors!
* From your schoolfriends,
* Phil the Farter, Madison the Vegan Farter, Kim the Klown and Kam the Klown
* P.S. There are notes from the Hi-Tops Publishing Team on whose toots are our incredibly silly favourites!
* PPS "Vapors" means "farts."

## The Farts

* 01-The Inquisitive Inquiry-A squeaky rattler that goes up like someone asking.
* 02-The Undead Groan-A loudly lingering stinker that moans like an eerie zombie!
* 03-The Butt Balloon Deflation-This loud fart makes your butt cheeks flutter!
* 04-The Big Wet One-A long, loud and juicy fart often unleashed in elevators
* 05-The Fruity Foghorn-A long fart that imitates a foghorn.
* 06-The Choo, Choo!-A pair of loud and low farts that imitate a train whistle.
* 07-The Wet Thing-This fart stains your pants, leaving your underwear wet and sticky.
* 08-The Standard Relief-This is a really common, but short and puffy fart that escapes from your butt after you've had a huge feast.
* 09-The Canadian Goose-This loud fart goes from low to high instantly, just like the honk of a Canadian goose!
* 10-The Swine Snort-This is a sweet, short fart that imitates a piglet's oink; the great news is that it's just the right volume: not too loud!
* 11-The Corn Popper-This fart mimics the noise that popping popcorn makes.
* 12-Little Ms. Gasser-This is a cute and sassy fart caused by eating a lot of broccoli florets. (Note: Madison-approved, y'all!)
* 13-Little Mr. Gasser-This is a sneaky fart caused by eating too many onions. (Note: Madison-approved, y'all!)
* 14-The Luxury Cruiser-The most luxurious fart ever because it imitates a cruise ship's horn blowing. (Note: Eddie Lawrence-disapproved!)
* 15-The Whoopi Do-This is a really loud fart that imitates the noise of a whoopee cushion being sat on.
* 16-The Butt Buzz-This fart imitates the noise that electricity makes when it's buzzing. (Note: Philly-approved!)
* 17-The Rusty Gate-This fart imitates the creaky noise of a squeaky gate that needs oil!
* 18-The Supersonic Squeaker-This high fart is slowly released after you eat a chestnut, also known as a conker or even a buckeye.
* 19-The Super Squeezer-This fart is slowly released in jeans. (Note: Kam-approved!)
* 20-The Trumpeter Toot-A brassy bunch of tuneful toots! (Note: Eddie Lawrence-disapproved!)
* 21-The Motorboat-A string of staccato putts that imitate a motorboat chugging.
* 22-The Softie-A sweet, quiet and airy fart. (Note: Kim-approved!)
* 23-The Butt Bomb-A really loud explosion from your own butt cheeks!
* 24-The Croaker-A low fart that imitates the noise that a toad makes.
* 25-The Butt Sigh-A long, drawn out fart that imitates a sad sigh.
* 26-The Hairspray Hisser-A gentle hiss from the rear end that imitates hairspray being sprayed from its can. (Note: Kim-approved!)
* 27-The Dress Flutter-This is the aftermath of cheesy snacks; it's a loud fart blown with such great force that your dress flutters just like a butterfly in flight! (Note: Kim-approved!)
* 28-The Uh Oh!-This two tone fart sounds just like your butt is saying, "Uh oh!"
* 29-The Supersonic Boom-A ridiculously loud fart imitating the noise of a whoopie cushion being squeezed in an elevator.
* 30-The Crop Dust-This fart imitates the noise of a low flying aircraft called a crop duster.
* 31-The Soloist-This fart imitates a fiddler's bow being drawn across violin strings. (Note: This is Madison-approved!)
* 32-The Butt Burp-This is a long, wet and super squelchy fart that imitates a great, big burp from a pop drinker; it leaves you with a funny sensation! (Note: This is Madison-approved!)
* 33-The Breeze Shooter-An airy, dry and windy fart reminiscent of hot wind.
* 34-The Windbreaker-A breezy fart reminiscent of a gentle gust.
* 35-The Explosion-A very loud fart that comes from someone bending over, especially to pick up something; it splits your pants open, revealing your underwear! (Note: Kam-approved!)
* 36-The Backdoor Breezer-A fart that imitates windchimes.
* 37-The Quickie Splitter-A fart that is short and to the point.
* 38-The Powerpopper-A short and really loud fart that imitates a balloon popping.
* 39-The Butt Bugle-This fart imitates a bugle note. (Note: This is Eddie Lawrence-disapproved!)
* 40-The Butt Puff-This fart cutely "pokes the wind" with a short, sweet pop.
* 41-The Jackhammer-This fart imitates the "ricky ticky ting, rat tat tat" of a jobsite's jackhammer.
* 42-The Destroyer-This ultra loud fart causes paint and wallpaper to peel away!
* 43-The Butt Scream-This uber loud fart imitates a kid screaming as he or she drops on a rollercoaster. (note: Philly-approved!)
* 44-The Ripper Zipper-This fart imitates a zipper being pulled. (Note: Kam-approved!)
* (more TBC and TBA!)