The Adventures of Detective Cleaver

Detective Cleaver phones up Mr. McGee

**""**

-The Video description

"The Adventures of Detective Cleaver" is a video published to the youtube channel T DC on July 26th, 2013, a whole three years before anything was posted to Shotgun Rodney.

*Synopsis*

The movie begins with The Witness walking through Appleslops park, the video has no colour for some dumbass reason. The video wastes no time making the audience cringe as The Witness comes across a little kid laying on the ground and shouts, "Goodness Murphy! A carcass lying upon the ground, I must tell Detective Cleaver."

She then scampers off and arrives at Detective Cleaver's office. He lets her in as she proclaims, "Detective Cleaver, I found a body on the ground at Appleslops park!" Cleaver pounds his mug against the desk while smiling inexplicably and responds in a similar British accent, "Goodness, A dead body? I'm on the case."

We then see Detective Cleaver next to the little kid's corpse, just looking at it and kicking it and shit. The voice-over states that the dead kid's name was George Flavinslop and that he owned a restaurant called the "Flailing Donkey Hut".

Detective Cleaver shows up the restaurant and then calls over a little kid who looks identical to George Flavinslop. Same damn hat, same damn shirt, same damn face just wearing an apron. Fuck, how dumb do you think we are?? I mean, shit! Anyways, Cleaver doesn't even notice that Flavinslop is alive and acting as a waiter at his own damn restaurant but instead gets right to the case. "Your... boss was just m-killed and I decided to come here to find out who the murder was." Despite garbling out that nearly indiscernible nonsense, the resurrected Flavinslop understands and states that the Janitor has been "lurking around in the boss's office."

Cleaver calls over the chummy janitor. The Janitor claims to be "just the janitor". So damn humble. Despite being a "just a janitor" he provides Cleaver with a note that he found in the boss's office. Why in the hell is this damn janitor fuckin' around with his boss's shit? No idea. The simple Janitor's hand slithers across the table to give Cleaver the note in a really creepy manor. The note is barely legible but it seems to read;

"Dear Mr. Flavin meet me at the stone for a gift Tim McGee"

Despite being bereft of grammatical integrity and all punctuation, Cleaver deciphers the wily killer's crazy clues to find that Tim McGee has something to do with the murder. Cleaver, back in his office now, takes a motherfucking lifetime opening his damn phonebook, finding Tim McGee and calling him up. After that filler, Cleaver talks to McGee who is appalled at the accusations being made and invites Cleaver over for some tea to "discuss things over".

Unfortunately, when Cleaver arrives at the home of McGee, not only is he met with the hulking body of a 20-something year old man who apparently, as the phone conversation would indicate, has the voice of an eight-year old but he's also dead! We would have no idea that the 20-something year old man was Mr. McGee had Cleaver not shouted as he entered, "No! Mr. McGee!" There is a note in McGee's mouth that reads, "Ha ha! Framed and Killed!" Turns out that if this note is an indicator of anything, the killer is even stupider than Cleaver. As Cleaver spots the masked villain trying to escape, he gives chase down the street after him.

The two scurry all over damn town and we see that Cleaver is clearly much faster than the child who is playing the masked villain, but somehow the Detective never catches the him. After scampering all over and shoving some asshole aside, the killer seeks refuge in what looks like a school. Cleaver chases him in.

When cleaver arrives in the school, the light is kinda dim so he picks up a lantern to use. It's broad daylight out and the hallways that Cleaver stalks in search of the killer are very well lit so the lantern is useless. The dumb fucker probably needs it because he wears sunglasses indoors.

He finally finds himself in a classroom where he sees a Teacher sitting there. The teacher collapses, dead and all the doors lock. Cleaver shines his dumb ass little lantern around. Luckily, Cleaver notices when the killer who is even dumber than we'd supposed, very very slowly walks up to Cleaver, only for the handsome and ingenious detective to push his molasses ass into a rolly chair.

The rolly chair crashes into nothing but makes a sound for some reason. Cleaver apparently pushed the fucker so hard that he broke his back because his ass never leaves that chair for the rest of the movie. While the killer sits in the chair still in agony over his freshly shattered spine, Cleaver pulls the mask off of the killer to reveal that it was the Simple Janitor all along!

Cleaver shouts at the newly paralyzed sanitation worker, "You're going down town, Buster!" Appalled at being referred to as "Buster", the Janitor shouts, "If I'm going down, you're coming with me!" The janitor pulls a cluster of dynamite out of his ass and lightly tosses it to Cleaver. The witty Detective is privy to the fact that dynamite kills people and like a complete psychopath, he gently places the dynamite into the lap of the Janitor and rolls him softly into a corner. The Janitor's simple nature prohibits him from eliviating his situation before he is blown up in the worst effect you've ever seen, even for Jonathan Van Nest standards.

Cleaver is then seen walking down the hallway of the school leaving a really stupid moral with the already angry and disappointed audience; Anybody can be evil. NO SHIT. The credits play and the video ends with a shot of some asshole buried under a heap of backpacks reaching out his hand. Then the pain is over.

*Actors*

1. Jonathan Adam Van Nest Jr.
2. Mazi
3. Fluffy
4. Warnersis
5. Ashton
6. Tavis
7. Devlyn
8. Tucker

*Characters*

1. Detective Cleaver
2. The Witness
3. Evil Janitor
4. The Waiter
5. Mr. McGee
6. George Flavinslop
7. Guy at Restaurant
8. Guy at Restaurant
9. The Teacher
10. Bystander

*Music*

N/a (Music too generic to be identified and I know you don't give a damn anyway)

*Trivia*

1. This is the first known movie to feature Jonathan Adam Van Nest Jr.
2. This movie was made a part of the Shotgun Rodney canon as it was first visually referenced in Forecast Intensity
3. Jonathan has long, flowy hair in this. A style that wouldn't be seen in any other videos except for Channel Trailer
4. Apparantly this movie was Directed, Edited and Filmed by "Everyone".
5. Jonathan Adam Van Nest Jr. takes the fall and is credited as the writer for this complete horseshit.