Baston

Official art by Simon Greiner

Baston Indrirovich is a resident of Barovia, who joined the Dragon Friends on their quest to rescue his betrothed, Ireena Kolyana from the vampire Strahd von Zarovich. He has since become a permanent member of the team.

Baston is a Handsome Man, legally distinct from any other character. He is swole, and has referred to himself as a "9" or a "10". His talents include fly kicks, bravado, and making his wang go like a helicopter.

Each of his buttocks are so beautiful they are each classed as a whole butt, therefore Baston has two butts.

Philge initially found him very attractive and enjoyed watching him in action. Baston, not having much previous experience with Elves, at first felt strong reactions to Freezo, challenging him to a duel and wanting to kill him. After this initial conflict, he was fascinated by Freezo and intensely attracted to him. Freezo, in hopeless confusion, for a time believed that Baston was in love with Bobby Pancakes.

Baston's relationship with with Ireena Kolyana is complicated. He has referred to her as "a 6." He was furious when she showed interest in Bobby Pancakes, but when she became interested in Baston again, Baston was uninterested in her affections. He later bonded with Bassbass Wihouveberry, considering her another "10".

Baston has a love of kicking things. He often chooses to attempt a "fly kick" during battles, despite being armed with magical swords and having no martial arts training. These inclinations lead to him training at an Aarakocra monastery during the Tomb of Annihilation (becoming a multiclass Fighter/Monk).

Baston continues his monk training, including heading back to the jungles of Chult during the three years between seasons five and six for more training with the Aarokocra. During that time he loses an eye, starts wearing an eyepatch, and shaves off all his hair, claiming he has found enlightenment: he now follows "the Way of the Eleven", claiming he has discovered there's something greater than a "10".

After having lived for 1000 years, Baston became the longest living virgin and was worshipped as the God of Love and Sadness by the followers of his religion, which were sworn to celibacy in his honor. This all changed the day they allied with Strahd in hopes of defeating Karsus. Shortly after Lionshield Banknote died and Karsus vanished, Baston Indrirovich finally lost his virginity to the Netherese (now Freeborn) arcanist Vowell. Because safety is not a concern during celebrations, Baston - after the Coldcell Engines die down after 25 years - comes to meet his unexpected progeny, Byron.

Although Baston tries to bond with his son, his methods are only sufficient enough to make Byron at most cringe. Still, he leaves his son with the namesword of Sergei von Zarovich with instructions to use it against Strahd von Zarovich should he become a vampire anyway. Over one hundred years later, Baston and the Dragon Friends once more wake too early, again because the Coldcell Engines gave out due to some kind of development. They find themselves in a fantasy World War between the Freeborn and the Carcosans.

Baston's time finding the corpse that can end the war is however cut short. During an escape from Castle Ravenloft, he is critically injured and collapses into a coma. The Dragon Friends manage to find him the medical support to keep him alive, courtesy of the Sonic Church. Their well-meant but poorly executed attempts to help the religious movement bring an expedition of the Silver Chorus to the camp, who seek to purge the grounds and eliminate the Sonic Church. In the chaos, the Friends escape after finding the corpse, but forget about Baston entirely.

When the Friends once more travel forward in time, the grateful lord major Philip Boroff sends out an emu to find the handsome man, but the birds come back empty winged. As further repayment for their efforts, the major vows to the Dragon Friends that he'll find Baston - dead or alive - and make sure his body is placed in the empty cell of the time machine.

In 1492, when the Friends wake, it isn't Baston who's in the cell, but Logan the Huge, who had aided the major over the past fifteen years in finding Baston. No dice. Wherever he is, he may just be lost to time...