Chanukwanzaa 5: Title Pending

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**Meta Content:** This section contains details which break reader immersion.

## PHEE PHI PHO PHUM

* All-edit access to our non-paying customers.
* Everything's allowed except for the things that aren't.
* Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
* See you all in the OKTE.

## Chapter 1 The Beginning

Once Upon A Time An Evil Person Known As Soddeps Created An Extremely Powerful Weapon Known As The Glitchspace Merger Which Would Merge The Glitchspace With Normal Space But Before He Could Activate It A Group Of Rangers Known As The Ranger Team Destroyed The Glitchspace Merger And Killed Soddeps However Another Evil Person Known As Éh éh éin Is Trying To Build A New Glitchspace Merger To Try To Merge The Glitchspace With Regular Space Again

### Chapter 1.1 The Discovery

While Thegoldenguest778 Was Working On Exploring The Glitchspace He Found An Anomaly

TheGoldenGuest778: Looks like an abandoned village

TheGoldenGuest778 And His Team Of Explorers Examine The Abandoned Village

TheGoldenGuest778: This village seems suspiciously new

Suddenly TheGoldenGuest778 Discovers A Journal

TheGoldenGuest778: By examining this journal it appears to be left in a hurry

TheGoldenGuest778 Begins To Read The Journal Only To Notice Something Wrong

TheGOldenGuest778: The Poachers wrote this book But what chased them away

TheGoldenGuest778: Ah hah The Journal says that Éh éh éin tried to kill them all and so they left through a hidden portal

TheGoldenGuest778 Then Searches For The Hidden Portal Only To Discover That It Just Got Destroyed By Éh éh éin

TheGoldenGuest778: So Éh éh éin destroyed the Poachers Portal Guess they won't be able to come back for a while

Suddenly Éh éh éin Appears

Éh éh éin: I am going to kill all of you now

TheGoldenGuest778: Well good thing I have a big group of Rangers

Éh éh éin: Those Rangers aren't even as strong as The Ranger Team Who were equipped with Equipment that could only be obtained from Deities

TheGoldenGuest778: Whats a Deity

Éh éh éin: Nevermind time to die

Éh éh éin Effortlessly Slays TheGoldenGuest778's Group Of Rangers

TheGoldenGuest778: Everybody run!

TheGoldenGuest778 Along With The Rest Of The Explorer Escape Through The Glitchspace Portal

TheGoldenGuest778: That was close I think we should find some way to defeat him or get Deity enhanced equipment

Explorer: I agree We should wait for better equipment and rangers before we go to The Glitchspace again

TheGoldenGuest778: That will take a while Because that equipment we need is Very Expensive and costs way more than our current budget

Explorer: How long

TheGoldenguest778: A few days perhaps

Because This Story Takes Place In A Day And Not A Week We'll Be Going To An Alternate Timeline Where Éh éh éin And Soddeps Never Existed

### Chapter 1 Timeline B TheGoldenGuest778 Reviews SFUNB

At His House TheGoldenGuest778 Receives A Package From The P-Mail

TheGoldenGuest778: Lets open it

TheGoldenGuest778 Opens The Package To Find A Letter, Strategy Guide, And The SFUNB Game

TheGoldenGuest778 Reads The Letter

TheGoldenGuest778: It's from TheDarkGuest778

Letter: Hi it's me TheDarkGuest778 I heard about this New Game called SFUNB They say that it's the only way to survive the apocalypse

Letter: I would like you to Review it because my computer doesn't read CDs

Letter: By the way this strategy guide will help you Survive The Apocalypse

Letter: Good Luck signed TheDarkGuest778

TheGoldenGuest778: Let's play and Review SFUNB shall we

TheGoldenGuest778 Installs The Server And Client Copy Of SFUNB And Links Them Together

TheGoldenGuest778: Time to read the strategy guide

Strategy Guide: First make room and deploy The Totem Lathe

Strategy Guide: Then make room and deploy The Cruxtruder

Strategy Guide: Then make room and deploy the Alchemiter

TheGoldenGuest778: Done all of these Now the next part

Strategy Guide: Open The Cruxtruder

TheGoldenGuest778 Opens The Cruxtruder By Jumping On It

Strategy Guide: Now Prototype your Kernelsprite at least once

TheGoldenGuest778: I don't see a Kernelsprite I only see one in the Strategy Guide Picture

TheGoldenGuest778: Anyway I'll try to do the final part without the KernelSprite

Strategy Guide: Now put The Pre-Punched Card along with a Cruxite Dowel from the Cruxtruder into the Totem Lathe

TheGoldenGuest778: I don't see a Pre-Punched Card

TheGoldenGuest778: Seems like this game is buggy

Suddenly Someone Knocks On TheGoldenGuest778's House's Front Door

TheGoldenGuest778: Who is it?

???: Come with me if you want to live We don't have much time check The Cruxtruder

TheGoldenGuest778 Checks The Cruxtruder To See A Timer On It

TheGoldenGuest778: I remember this timer was also on the strategy guide But I didn't pay much attention to it

???: There's only a few minutes left

TheGoldenGuest778: How are we going to escape?

???: Via my Spaceship

TheGoldenGuest778: Can I bring Moonstone along with me?

???: Yes you can Now hurry and get Moonstone

TheGoldenGuest778 Then Proceeds To Get Moonstone

TheGoldenGuest778: I have Moonstone Let's go

???: Ok

TheGoldenGuest778, Moonstone, And The Mysterious Person Escape To Outer Space Just Before A Meteor Hits TheGoldenGuest778's House

TheGoldenGuest778: Where did that meteor come from?

???: SFUNB

TheGoldenGuest778: What do you mean?

???: SFUNB is a game where only a select few can ascend to The Medium In fact some of those few have already ascended

TheGoldenGuest778: So what do you do after ascending to The Medium

???: You fight Monsters, Denizens, The Black King, Collect frogs Make a Universe that's a Frog

TheGoldenGuest778: Wow

???: It's very complex But it's time to reveal Who I really am

???: I am Kuiper Bandolier The Light Matter named after The Kuiper Belt

Kuiper Bandolier: I am an Expert at using the Sling mine is enchanted with explosive powers to make it's stones Explode

TheGoldenGuest778: Don't you mean the Slingshot

Kuiper Bandolier: No I mean an actual Sling just like the one David used against Goliath

Kuiper Bandolier: Also I need your help

TheGoldenGuest778: With what?

Kuiper Bandolier: A Group of Beings known as The Dark Energy

TheGoldenGuest778: Don't you mean Dark Matter

Kuiper Bandolier: No I mean Dark Energy

TheGoldenGuest778: So what do we do with them

Kuiper Bandolier: We have to stop them before they use a Weapon known as The Galaxy Ripper

TheGoldenGuest778: What's The Galaxy Ripper

Kuiper Bandolier: It's a weapon capable of ripping The Galaxy apart

TheGoldenGuest778: Is it in one piece or is it in parts

Kuiper Bandolier: It's in one piece But it requires an enormous amount of power to fire

TheGoldenGuest778: How much

Kuiper Bandolier: Lots

TheGOldenGuest778: What are they going to use to power it

Kuiper Bandolier: A Black Hole Generator

TheGoldenGuest778: How do we destroy The Galaxy Ripper or it's Black Hole Generator

Kuiper Bandolier: The plan is simple First we Infiltrate the Location of The Galaxy Ripper then Break the containment field of the Black Hole Generator and then The Galaxy Ripper along with the rest of the Black Hole Generator will be sucked into the Black Hole

Kuiper Bandolier: But there's one problem

TheGoldenGuest778: What is it

Kuiper Bandolier: We'll need Enormous Firepower to destroy the containment field of The Black Hole Generator for the Galaxy Ripper

TheGoldenGuest778: How much firepower do we need

Kuiper Bandolier: Enough to destroy a signiificant portion of the galaxy

TheGoldenGuest778: Where are we going to get that much Firepower?

Kuiper Bandolier: I don't know yet

To Be Continued!

Meanwhile In A Third Timeline

### Chapter 1 Timeline C Pet Costume Party

Pet Owner: Today is Meurteween I wonder what the News and Events for today are

TV: We are pleased to report that for Meurteween We'll have a Pet Custom Party and Contest

TV: There will be free candy for Pets and Pet Owners who participate

TV: The Top 3 Costumes will receives prizes and candy

TV: The Location will be in the Town Square

Pet Owner: Ok I'll enter this Costume Party

Pet Owner: What Costumes should My Pets and Me wear?

Pet 1: I'm a UFO Maybe a Ladybug Costume will work

Pet 2: I'm a Tiger How about a Cat Costume

Pet Owner: Those sound like good ideas to me

The Pet Owner Goes To The Store To Buy The Costumes And Puts Theme On The Pets

Pet Owner: Do these costumes fit?

Pet 1: Perfect

Pet 2: Right on

Pet Owner: Ok Let's go

The Pet Owner And His 2 Pets Go To The Costume Party

Pet Owner: Wow look at all these costumes

Pet 1: There's like a few hundred pets or so

Pet 2: I can't count how many pets there are

Suddenly A Loud Announcement Happens

???: Give us all your pets

Costume Party Contest Runner: Never! We're going to host this party and give out candy and prizes

???: Then you give us no choice

???: Poachers Grab all the pets

The Poachers and the Costume Party Contest Participants Begin To Fight Each Other

Pet Owner 2: Shoot fire at them

Pet Owner 3: I'll try and get the Cops to stop the poachers

The Fight Begins To Escalate Even Further When The Cops Start Helping To Fight The Poachers

Cop 1: Stop Poachers

Cop 2: You'll face severe penalties for trying to kidnap all these pets

Poacher Leader: Time to pull out our secret weapon

The Poacher Leader Activates A Nuclear Weapon

Poacher Leader: You are no match against this weapon

Cop 1: Wait a second it's a Nuclear Bomb

Cop 2: We're doomed

Pet 1: Wait that's it

Pet 2: What's it

Pet 1: They said at the Pet Academy not too long ago that You can disarm a nuclear bomb just by shooting it

Pet 2: Wow I didn't know that

Pet Owner: Me too

Suddenly All Of The Pets Who Knew That Fact Tell Everyone About It

Cop 1: I feel much better now that we can disarm the nuclear bomb just by shooting it

Poacher Leader: Nuclear Missile Fire!

Everyone Begins To Shoot At The Nuclear Missile As It Flies In The Air

The Nuclear Missile Hits The Ground Only To Do Nothing

Poacher Leader: **HOW!**

Cop 1: Because you can shoot a nuclear bomb to disarm it that's why

Cop 1: Arrest them!

Poacher Leader: '*NOOOOOOO!*

And So The Cops Arrested All The Poachers And The Party Continues As Normal

Pet Owner: They've announced the top 3 winners

Pet Owner: Turns out none of my 2 pets won

Pet 1: That's OK we had fun candies and some action to boot

Pet 2: I agree

So The Pet Owner And His 2 Pets Left For Home After The Party

To Be Continued!

## Chapter 2: Spaghetti Dinner

Let me tell you about the Ohmstone.

It is a stone that is basically the Ohm equivalent of the IPK in an Ancient Metric System

The Ohmstone is a stone which the electrical resistance of is defined as one Ohm

It is rumoured to exist in some ancient ruins on Ludus

We have just found the ancient ruins But before we explore

King Harkanian: Let's have spaghetti for dinner!

One Spaghetti Dinner Later

King Harkanian: We're done Let's explore the ruins to find the Ohmstone

At The Ruins

King Harkanian: There's the location of the Ohmstone

Link: Oh boy let's pick it up

King Harkanian: Look there's a Group of Monsters guarding it

King Harkanian: Looks like we'll have to fight our way through it

Battle Between Group Of Eight Monsters And Explorer Team Started

Gunner: I hope you're rich King Harkanian because I need money to fire my weapon

King Harkanian: Take some money then

King Harkanian Gives Some Money To The Gunner

Gunner: Ok I'm ready

The Gunner Fires Grenades Made Out Of Money (Literally) At The Monsters

The Monsters Are Defeated

King Harkanian: Ok time to retrieve the Ohmstone

King Harkanian Gets The Ohmstone

King Harkanian: Let's take it to the Archaeologists

The King, Link And The Explorers Take The Ohmstone To The Archaeologists

Archaeologist 1: Thank you for giving us the Ohmstone

Archaeologist 2: We can now understand how to use that Ancient Metric System better

Archaeologist 3: We're also starting to understand some of that Ancient Technology better as well

Archaeologist 4: Turns out that the reason why they based the Ohm on something physical like the Ohmstone itself was because they could easily copy it and still get identical results

King Harkanian: So what's the difference?

Archaeologist 1: The original Ohmstone is a key to control and manipulate electricity You can use it to power up something that requires lots of power

King Harkanian: What about the Copied Ohmstones

Archaeologist 1: They also receive electricity from the Original Ohmstone but they're not as powerful as it

King Harkanian: Do you know how to use the Ohmstones

Archaeologist 1: We don't know how to use the Ohmstone or it's Copies as of yet They appear to require some sort of magical signature to activate

King Harkanian: Do the ancient ruins contain the key to using the Ohmstone and it's Copies

Archaeologist 1: We're pretty sure that the ancient ruins don't contain the key to using the Ohmstone and it's Copies

King Harkanian: How is it possible for the Ohmstone and it's Copies to have a resistance of one Ohm if they control electricity

Archaeologist 1: That's the hard part The Ohmstone and it's Copies are split into the Control part Which controls electricity and the Resistance part Which is the part used to measure the resistance of the Ohm The Resistance part is defined as having a resistance of one Ohm in the case of the Original Ohmstone with the other Slightly differing as a result

King Harkanian: So the Original Ohmstone is the IPK equivalent of the Ohm in that Ancient Metric System

Archaeologist 1: Yes the Ohmstone is basically the IPK but for Ohms In that Ancient Metric System

King Harkanian: Anything else

Archaeologist 1: Some Copies only have a Resistance part meaning that they don't use electricity at all

Archaeologist 2: It's also possible to disable the Control parts of the Ohmstone and it's Copies and re-enable them as well

King Harkanian: Is the Ohmstone and it's Copies disabled?

Archaeologist 1: They appear to be enabled but we don't know how to control or even disable them yet

King Harkanian: What about the other metric system units

Archaeologist 1: We don't know much about these as of yet

Archaeologist 2: I don't think we have any more information about the ancient metric system yet

King Harkanian: Yes let's have some more spaghetti dinner at home

Link: Great I love Spaghetti Dinner

And So The King Harkanian And Link Went Back To Home To Have Some Spaghetti Dinner

To Be Continued

## Vol .3: The Subliminal Verses

Busta Rhymes is canon again. He will not appear in this chapter, but he's here. Just be mindful of him. But where does this bring us, my pickle-flavored gel-y fellow? Back thousands of knockyears ago when the universe was gay. Bootylicious. I'm an ant now. Just pay attention.

## Chapter 3: Voyage of the Minor Characters That Don't Even Have Pages Yet

Boxill sneezes.

Sandford: Bless you.

Mori: So how about that airline food?

A crowd of pets erupts in uproarious laughter.

Chutney arrives and begins to describe the history of airline food, which is quite fascinating considering airlines aren't a thing yet.

Boxill: t

boom

fin