Battle Nuns of Prostaticus

The Battle Nuns of Prostaticus are a faction of all female religious warriors that worship Prostaticus. Since their founding by the Church of Prostaticus during the Great War and continuation into the Third Era, the Battle Nuns of Prostaticus have grown to be organization that, from a leadership perspective, is entirely independent from the Church. The Battle Nuns are their own military order, with a leading general at the top. As of 100.3E, the Battle Nuns numbered approximately 3,000 strong, with their forces distributed across the many convents and Churches of Prostaticus around Phallica. They strike out against their enemies with holy magic, melee combat, and powerful battleships, with the navy of the Battle Nuns being among the most feared in Phallica. This naval prowess aligns with their well known battle cry and motto:

## History

The Battle Nuns of Prostaticus were initially established during the early years of the Third Era. To combat the fingering-obsessed masses of the Cult of Frank the Fingerer, the Church of Prostaticus attempted to create a force of warriors that would combat the rising radicals of the Cult. This army would be trained to have a hatred of the Cult so powerful that their mission would not stop until the eradication of the Cult in its entirety.

The Church of Prostaticus began pouring resources into creating the Battle Nuns, finding the most zealous women possible for their army. These women were both rigorously trained in both combat and love for Prostaticus. Using education methods that were borderline brainwashing, the Church created the initial armies of the Battle Nuns. These forces were under the direct orders of Dick Richard Johnson II, and a decade long war ensued.

After years of fighting, the Battle Nuns proved their worth. Thousands of cultists were killed in the holy name of Prostaticus with minimal Nun casualties, and when seemingly all cults were eradicated in Florida, the Battle Nuns were recalled. A particularly exceptional Battle Nun, Lena Talia, stood out among all other Nuns, receiving the highest honor from the Dick. To further his responsibility away from the Nuns, Dick Richard Johnson II named Talia the General of the Battle Nuns. General Talia assumed all management positions, and, with great ease, she directed the establishment of the Battle Nuns as their own faction.

General Talia herself wrote the Battle Nuns' war doctrine, and she devised a far more organized hierarchy for the Battle Nuns. As Talia requested increasing amounts of resources for the purposes of defending churches of Prostaticus and establishing outposts, the Church itself grew increasingly resentful of their created faction. After years of debates and many angry, well written letters, the Church finally cut off the Battle Nuns of Prostaticus.

With faction left without a home or resources, General Talia quickly rushed to acquire as much funding as possible. It is also at this time that she declared herself the "Matriarch." The Nuns temporarily turned into a mercenary outfit, performing odd jobs around Phallica for money. As years like this passed, the excellent financial management of General led the Battle Nuns to become an independent, fully funded faction with a strong reputation, all while the Church of Prostaticus was suffering from repeated attacks from an uprising of cultists in the absence of the Nuns. Womanly spite kept General Talia from providing aid to the Church, not returning messages and complaining to her council about the Dick. This disdain eventually turned into the hatred of the Patriarchy that the Nuns are so known for, as they will never be suppressed by men again.

When Dick Richard Johnson II finally passed years later, Talia reopened negotiations with the Church of Prostaticus when she received flowers, a box of chocolates, and a very apologetic letter from the newly elected Dick Willy IV. Though the Battle Nuns were certain to not forget the neglect the Church showed for their army, they slowly eased relations with the Church. Talia negotiated multiple conditions for their renewed cooperation with the Church, including complete independence, usage of various forts and encampments, and "just listening for once." When negotiations completed, the Battle Nuns mostly resumed their original function, protecting the Church's properties and quelling any signs of the Cult of Frank the Fingerer, though the Nuns' doctrine and philosophy became far different from their original directive. Zealotry is their only guide now, with both love for Prostaticus and hatred for the Patriarchy.

## Responsibilities

The Battle Nuns of Prostaticus, though resenting of the Church of Prostaticus and its oppressive, misogynistic, Patriarchal, rude, uncaring, irresponsible, stupid, smelly, dumb idiot practices, cooperates with the Church out of love for Prostaticus to maintain peace and assist in some managerial functions.

Since the uprising of the Cult of Frank the Fingerer during the Great War, the Battle Nuns of Prostaticus have been the primary defense forces of the Churches of Prostaticus. The Church typically contracts a number of Battle Nuns on an annual basis, beginning negotiations on supplies, munitions, and bi-monthly thank you letters. After a great deal of arguing and accusations of bigotry, the Church and Battle Nuns reach an agreement, and an appropriately sized platoon or company of Battle Nuns (depending on the terms of the contract) are deployed to defend a Church within a Phallican settlement. While defending the Church, Battle Nuns are formally tasked with guarding the structure, maintaining peace during services, escorting supplies, and quelling any heretical uprisings within a designated proximity of the settlement. Battle Nuns are informally tasked (by themselves) with preaching both the love of Prostaticus and the oppression of the Patriarchy, assisting in religious functions, and the threatening and beating of all who oppose Prostaticus and gender equality.

Battle Nuns who are not contracted to defend Churches have a different set of responsibilities, though they too take part in the destruction of the Patriarchy and preaching about the love of Prostaticus. Some Battle Nuns conduct passive patrols on Phallican roads and its wide seas, generously helping those in need before hammering the love of Prostaticus into their thankful minds. Other Battle Nuns conduct missionary work, bringing the holy word of Prostaticus to settlements without a Church or dirty heathens unfamiliar with His love. One of the greater undertakings of the Battle Nuns is the establishment of new convents.

During a declaration of a Holy Cocksade, the Battle Nuns of Prostaticus become the official sword of the Church of Prostaticus. The Battle Nuns take full military command of all operations and combat-ready clerics and paladins of the Church, fully confident that they will lead better than any Patriarchal misogynist. All passive patrol and missionary operations are ceased during these times, and all Battle Nuns not operating under contract are recalled to their respective convents to receive further deployment orders. In times of dire need, Battle Nuns may be released from their defense contracts to address a greater threat. The ground and naval forces of the Battle Nuns then follow the direction of their infallible Matriarch, who directs the Battle Nuns on a war path in the name of Prostaticus, relentless and unwavering until the Holy Cocksade has ended.

## Organization

In the original doctrine set forth by Matriarch Lena Talia, the Battle Nuns of Prostaticus were divided into a hierarchical structure, dividing military and administrative responsibilities to avoid overwhelming one Battle Nun with too many obligations and skill sets.

* **Acolyte:** All Battle Nuns begin their journey as acolytes. Acolytes live and learn in Battle Nun convents, learning their doctrine, their combat style, and the teachings of Prostaticus (from the Battle Nun point of view). As part of their training, acolytes may be tasked with accompanying higher ranking women on missions, be it missionary activity, heretical quelling, or crushing the Patriarchy. Based on their combat capabilities, they may be placed in either an administrative or military position. Human acolytes are no younger than 16 years of age, and similar rules apply to other races in that all acolytes must be nearing young adulthood. There is no upper limit for age, so long as the acolyte can hold her own in combat.
* **Battle Nun:** After finishing their acolyte training, the women are graduated to full Battle Nun status. Battle Nuns are assigned a role and convent, one which may be different from where they were originally trained. If the Battle Nun proved herself a formidable combatant, she will assigned to defense teams and quelling companies. If the Battle Nun was merely an average combatant, she will instead be deferred to less dangerous occupations, such as evangelization, missionary actions, supply chain management, accounting, and writing and distributing the Battle Nun newsletter: *Herstory*. Regardless of their position, Battle Nuns directly report to their Mother, and they serve alongside 1 to 15 other Sisters. Battle Nuns who wish to be involved in both combat and administrative missions may request that of their Mother.
* **Mother:** Mothers manage squads of Battle Nuns, and many Mothers may operate under one convent. Mothers are Battle Nuns who have excelled in their respective fields, such as leading combat missions, converting heathens, or calculating the net single premium for life insurance with regards to the Balducci principle for Battle Nuns. Mothers are responsible for dictating the actions of the Sisters for which they command, and they directly report to their convent's High Mother.
* **High Mother:** High Mother is the title granted to an esteemed Battle Nun who has shown both great military and combat expertise as well as excellent managerial skills. High Mothers control one or more convents, and provide large scale orders to the Mothers beneath them. They dictate all of the actions of their convent, responsible for determining missions to assign to Mothers and their squads. At any time, up to hundreds of Battle Nuns may be at a High Mother's command. Their duties and position are held with great regard, for decades of excellence led to their High Mother status. During Holy Cocksades, High Mothers command Battle Nuns across the battlefield and, if able, will participate in battle themselves. Fourteen High Mothers exist at any time, though there have been recent talks to expand the number to account for growing numbers of convents as High Mothers are stretched thin. The fourteen High Mothers make up the High Council, the decision-making body for the Battle Nuns.
* **Matriarch:** The Matriarch is the highest ranking and most celebrated woman in the Battle Nuns of Prostaticus. The title is granted to a special woman who has shined as a beacon of feminine light, an exemplary woman who inspires female pride while showing unwavering love for Prostaticus. The Matriarch has the final say in all decisions of doctrine and military conquest, and her word is taken as law. This woman is always chosen by the High Council, and she may be of any age, so long as she is determined to be worthy by the High Council and Prostaticus. The Matriarch leads the Battle Nuns until she is no longer able to fight, resigns, or dies.

## Convents

Convents act as a local stronghold for the forces of the Battle Nuns, constructed either within the boundaries of a settlement or in a strategic position in the Phallica wild.

## Current Leadership

Matriarch Clara Bärwald leads the Battle Nuns.

The fourteen High Mothers are comprised of:

* Erin Falkor
* Amory
* Belle Gunness
* Freya Skjervesen
* Verdana Maralei
* Kalis Valisiddia
* Maribel Antilly
* Seris Aria
* Grundella Plumdingle
* ...
* ...
* ...
* ...
* ...