Dakota Diners

The **Dakota Diners** is an American professional football team that is part of the National Football Union. The team logo is a knife and fork crossed behind a spoon. Their slogan is "We're Open!" The team name seems to indicate it represents both North and South Dakota rather than a specific city, though the team website of "ND-DINERS.COM" points to the team being located in North Dakota.

Many of the players have food-related names. (See "Team members" below.)

The team is an expansion team created to replace the Minnesota Vikings after the entire team just gave up one morning and refused to get out of bed. Hank Durum was recruited after being discovered while he was off experiencing an existential crisis. His addition to the team helped them reach Supper Bowl LVI and prevented the team from being dissolved.

Hubbs began sending money back to Ellie to support her and their child, Al.

## Team members

*For a list of position abbreviations, see Key to football positions.*
### Offensive Starters for Supper Bowl LVI

* Jaybo Mugg, RB #19
* Nat Kinz, TE #88
* Fred Fries, LG #57
* Phil Wasser-Glass, C #51
* Dirk Meat, RT #59
* Reggie Veggies, RG #55
* Des Errt, FB #12
* Cephus Spork, WR #25

### Defensive Starters for Supper Bowl LVI

* Sal Adfork, CB #41
* Cree Misoss, S #43
* Sy D'Salad, T #68
* Condie Minz, LB #67
* C. Salz, LB #65
* Dee Spooner, LB #66
* Po Taitos, T #50
* Hans Burga, S #49
* Sal Adtines, CB #44

**Non-starting and team members**

* Albert Ross, K #1
* "Sweet" Kel Pick, QB #2
* Hans Burga, S #49
* unnamed player, #0
* unnamed player, #2
* unnamed player, possibly #10

### Supporting members

The cheerleading team for the Dakota Diners are The Shakers. Their uniforms are based on salt and pepper shakers, consisting of a long-sleeve blouse, mid-length skirt, tall boots and a round hat with holes in it. The blouses are tied to expose the midrift and have a wristband attached to the sleeves. The colors alternate, with one set of uniforms having white wristbands, black blouses, white skirts and black boots, and the other with black wristbands, white blouses, black skirts and white boots.

A new team mascot named Bil: Da Check debuted at the Supper Bowl as part of the Diners' theme. He is a restaurant receipt with two eyes and a large smiling mouth on the front. Holes in the sides of the costume allow the performer's uncovered arms and legs to be seen. They have a dollar sign drawn on each palm with two vertical lines in them. The receipt consists of the following:

BILL
06/19/2021
ORDER#
33377
1 CHZBG
1 COKE
1 DONU
3 EGG/HAM
2 COFFEE
   TOTAL
   $43.33
HAVE A NICE DAY!
VISIT : ND-DINERS.COM
Hank Durum objected to the new mascot, calling it a "dancing mattress asking for money" and stating that the Saints "got it right" with their mascots of Bernard the Saint and Saint, the Bernard (a human and a Saint Bernard, respectively).

## Appearances

* June 7, 2021 — Hubbs is recruited for the team
* July 1, 2021 — Start of storyline, leading to Hubbs' first press conference on July 29, 2021.
* August 20, 2021 — Team lineup photo for Offensive Starters
* August 21, 2021 — Team lineup photo for Defensive Starters
* November 16, 2021 - new mascot debuts

## Trivia

* Bill-Da Check's date of 06/19/21 is a reference to Bea R.'s birthday of June 19.
* If Kel Pick comes from a culture where the family name is stated first, then flipping it around to list his given name first shows his name conforms to the food-related names other players have. In his case, it is "Sweet" Pick Kel.

## Background information

* Bea R. and Mr. Husband made a real-life version of the helmet in 2015 and revealed it on October 25, 2019. They noted the logo would become promintent in the series "in about 18 months", which came to pass in June 2021. They also noted it would define their "swan son/magnum opus in many ways".
	+ The helmet also appears on the front cover of the second *in SECURITY* book, *Hey, Sam!* next to Hubbs.

## References

1. ↑ Motivation for starting the Diners
2. ↑ Bonus: The Helmet!