What Became Of The Forgotten Puppets (Sesame Street Lost Episode)

So, let me ask you a question if I may. Have you ever watched the TV show Sesame Street? Well, I know that I certainly have. Let me ask you another question. When you were watching Sesame Street, did you ever notice how over the years how some of the characters just up and disappear. Now, I'm not talking about the human characters here people. I'm talking about puppet characters you know like Professor Hastings, Granny, and Roosevelt Franklin? You don't remember these characters, well it's no wonder! The show creators seemed to have gone out of their way to make sure that these pesky renegades of the Sesame Street regime never show their faces in the light of day again! I myself happen to be a large fan of Sesame Street, and I have been watching the show since the old days back when I was poor and content to be so. I recently got myself a job at Sesame Workshop. How did I get the job? Well, I may or may not have lied in my interview about being related to famous puppeteer Ronnie Feltip. Don't tell me that you don't know who Ronnie Feltip is? He was a big supporter of Creepy Crawly Pudding, and he was also famous during the early 1930's for hosting puppet plays which were noted by the people of that time for being rather messed up. One of his plays was called, "A Hat In A Hat Out," which was about two anthromorphic fedoras trying to kill each other, but they then realise that they are actually brothers and they team up to kill the man who had put them against each other and that man was a gangster who was so old that you could probably break him like a Twix chocolate bar just by having the wind blow on him. In any case, Mr Feltip and his plays were famous through the 30's and 40's, and many Sesame Street Workshop new comers were said to have looked up at him. I myself had watched Feltip and his shows back in 1933 or thereabouts, yes I am very old but I don't look a day over 45 due to me rubbing butter all over my mighty chin. An age old tactic taught to me by Old Man Tyme himself.

Anyways, during my interview like I said earlier if you were paying attention I had lied about being related to Feltip, I was surprised to then learn just how much the new comers admired his craft. "Surely, you must look up to Jim Henson too?" I had asked the interviewer who was a big fat fucking bee named well.... Big Bee. Oh bravo. Big Bee looked really puzzled at my question and asked a question of his own, "who dat?" In any case, I was given the job and I was given a rather odd job. It was odd in the sense that I worked down in the basement where the furnace lay. My job was to dispose of any unusable episodes which could never be seen by the public out of fear of a big scandal possibly breaking out. I can understand that. Most of these quote on quote unusable episodes were mostly just joke episodes made for staff Christmas parties such as an episode where Kermit gets a sore on his foot which causes him to start a rumour about Big Bird dying his feathers, there was also an episode about Telly going to Morrisons, and lastly an episode where Elmo learns how to go boating which had been personally created by a member of Sesame Workshop who was a big fan of boats. He was one of those people that collects those little boats in bottles. He sniffed the bottles while he was chilling on the bench next to his grandmother who stinks of prawns? She was probably Pepe The Prawn in disguise. Oh man I hate Pepe The Prawn! Side note; but I will not watch any Muppet movie or show that has that prawn in it! Pepe The Prawn is the worst muppet bar none. Ahem! Now, our story begins on a freezing cold day in the middle of June. Actually, it was snowing if you can believe that. I myself was rather perplexed by the odd weather as were as the rest of my co-workers. I recall getting my brisket in the canteen which was very greasy btw, and the incredibly fat lunch lady was shocked by the weather as she cried, "it's snowing in June it's snowing!" She was incredibly evil that lunch lady as she worked as a babysitter in her spare time and would give the children she was visiting rotten mint sauce which had slugs coming out from it all the while rambling about the pong. Hmm.

Ahem! My goodness day I am really getting off track. What ever shall we do? Now on this oddly snowy day in June which was so snowy that we were actually snowed in like some kind of Mickey Mouse at the House Of Mouse, and unfortunately I was still required to work that day while the higher ups sat comfortably in their homes drinking from mugs of hot chocolate while listening to Cliff Richard. Oh man, I love Cliff! Ahem! Sorry. Anyways, I sat down in the basement on a rusty old chair which had splinters coming out from every corner, and that was when my boss came in. A former magician named Mr Fortnight. He really did used to be a magician, but that was until he made a real mess and broke a trunk which had all of the things he needed for the biggest magic trick of all which he was going to be performing in front of a local governor. Disgraced, Mr Fortnight caught a job here and the rest is history. Entering the room, I noticed that Mr Fortnight was carrying a large crate which had letters on the side of it written in red and it said, "FRAGILE." "I didn't know you were Italian Mr Fortnight." I remarked as I made my way on over the box as I then began patting the box with my walking stick. I then inquired, "so what's in the box sport? Is it Alvin And The Chipmunks?" Mr Fortnight rubbed his head in anger as he cried, "you stupid man! How could anyone be that stupid? I mean seriously! We are in a puppet workshop what do you think is going to be in this box?" Don't threat about ole Fortnight as he isn't all bad as he gets really sad when I'm not at work. I never bother calling in whenever I get sick which happens a lot because I never pay attention to what I eat and sometimes drink bottles of wine straight from the trash can. and whenever I don't come in Mr Fortnight looks around the entire workshop for me as he cries, "Jeremy! Jeremy! Where are you!?" According to Mr Fortnight, inside the box was a bunch of forgotten muppets which needed to be disposed of. "I need you to throw these renegade puppets into the furnace. Can you do it?" Mr Fortnight asked as I simply responded with, "it shall be done."

Mr Fortnight then departed from the room, and I made my way on over the box and using a crowbar I was able to pry the lid open. I couldn't believe what I saw! Inside the box sat a bunch of the forgotten puppet characters like the aforementioned Professor Hastings and Roosevelt Franklin. I clutched the puppets tightly which was probably not a good idea, as they were covered in weird sticky brown paint which smelt like oil. Bad oil too. The worst kind of oil. I pulled the puppets out from the box, and that's when I noticed that there was something hiding at the very bottom of the crate. The crate was as big as a double decker bus so I climbed right on in there and went digging. That's when I found it. It was an old VHS tape covered in tomato sauce. I cleaned the tomato sauce off using my handy dandy handkerchief. I then blew my nose as I looked the tape over. The tape had no writing, but there was a picture of Professor Hasting which had been glued onto the side of it. He looked proper cross, and his face had been twisted into a look of unmistakable malice. That is certainly not the Professor Hastings that I knew! I always admired that damn Hastings, and I always got annoyed during his sketches when Kermit would show up and end the lecture due to ole Hasty falling asleep. Kermit you fool! He's an old man! He needs his sleep! Oh Hasty baby what has gotten into that damn frog? I got out from the box with the tape in my hand, and I decided that I would watch it. I had also decided not to burn Roosevelt Franklin, Professor Hastings, or the other puppets including ones that to my knowledge had never been used in an episode before like a Don Salieri looking muppet with cigars in it's mouth, a demon drag muppet that smelt like an ass sorry that's mean, and there was also an old man muppet that looked an awful lot like Mr Cherrywood. I didn't like that puppet, as it was smiling at me creepily so I did end up throwing that one in the furnace.

Suddenly, on the other corner of the basement I heard the radio announcer interrupt the music as he gave an urgent news appeal; "hey kids this just in the sudden June snow storm is here to stay and it looks like it's going to be here for least two more days. So, if I were you I'd get very comfy and sit around the fireplace with a cup of tea and a lemon wedge and lay off the sticks will ya moms and dads? This is Rocking Ricky Foxx on Empire Central Radio! Why do you keep doing this to me Vinnie?" After hearing that radio broadcast and realising that was there no way that I was getting home tonight I decided to pull up a barrel and watch whatever story this tape had to tell. I slammed that tape right into the mouth of the VCR which was almost rotten and had nasty green worms coming out from the side of it which looked remarkably like Peter Lorre. They also had lipstick on which made me feel very sick. I nearly threw up, but managed to hold it in cause I'm a real tough cookie with a long history as the TV then began playing. The tape started with a brief SICK clip which had a clown walking in the forest late at night when he ran into a local man and his pet Doberman. The clown was very happy and greeted the man with, "hello good Sir! Tell me do you know where I can find any good balloons?" "I hate balloons!" The man yelled angrily as he then ordered his dog to teach the clown a lesson, and I was then forced to watch an incredibly brutal clip of the clown getting ripped apart by the dog. The man then turned to face the screen as he said, "hey he's a clown. Who's gonna care?" I care! I always hate it when clowns get bad treatment. Then there was a second and final clip which had Mr Fortnight in the men's room brushing his teeth for some reason. He began rinsing his mouth as he then turned to the camera and he looked really confused and asked, "Nicky is that you?" After those two clips ended, the tape froze for a pose and when it came back I saw that theme song of Sesame Street was starting to play. Oh yeah it's gonna be a good day!

The theme song was normal well for two seconds anyway as the streets of Sesame looked rotten and smelly. Big Bird gestured for the camera to follow him as he made his way into an alleyway where he saw a horrid street gang who just glared at him like they just don't care, Mr Johnson was then shown sitting in his apartment crying about how he doesn't have enough to pay the bills presumably because he keeps spending time at Charlie's because he has a thing for Grover, I mean why else would he keep going to the place that always messes up his order? Also, the music sounded really nasty and cruel with the singers sounding like they were threatening you to pay attention and if you dared to look away there would be trouble in town tonight, and lastly there was trash and broken glass everywhere. Big Bird was about to step on a shard of broken glass, but thankfully the theme ended before that could happen. The episode then began with Alan sitting in a little cottage with Abby Cadeby and Telly sitting next to him. "Oh show us another one will ya Alan?" Telly asked in a really weird voice not at like himself. Also, Telly's fur was much messier than usual which made me feel really uneasy. Alan then laughed a laugh as he said, "Telly you've been living in Sesame Street for decades, surely you remember what your town looked like. back then." "But I don't Alan I really don't." Telly said sheepishly. Basically, Alan was showing Abbie and Telly a photo album which showed pictures of Sesame Street from the old days back before even Telly made his presence known to the people of the street. That was when Alan stumbled across two pictures which made the smile from his face vanish instantly. One picture had Professor Hastings giving a speech to a bunch of Oxford Uni students and the other had Roosevelt Franklin standing on a bridge and smiling a look of acceptance. What the hell does a face of acceptance look like? Frankly, my dear I don't give a damn and neither did Alan apparently as he quickly began to change the page, but the damage had already been as Abbie asked, "hey who are those two Alan?"

Alan looked at the screen. He looked very shocked and like he didn't know how to answer the question. Alan tried to play off Abby's question, by suggesting that they close the book and head into town as he knew a shop just a few blocks away which sold caramel popcorn. "Oh come on Alan, please tell!" Abby begged. Side note; much like Pepe The Prawn, I NEVER liked Abby Cadabby she is really annoying and she is also quite mean as he frequently brings magical plagues down upon the citizens of Sesame Street, and she only ever relents because she can't bare to see anyone actually die from her crimes. Alan then cleared his throat as he said, "well Abbie, those two happen to be Professor Hastings and Roosevelt Franklin." "And who were they?" Telly inquired as Alan then became a little nervous as he said, "well they were residents of Sesame Street many years ago, back before I lived here even. Hastings was a professor at the local college, and um... Roosevelt Franklin was a speaker at the local school where he gave lectures about Africa, and the water there or something I don't know." Alan then continued with, "they both moved away a long time ago so I hear. Hastings moved to Yale where he got fired for dancing on the roof and Roosevelt is a writer of subversive literature currently residing in Seattle land of the seahawk." "Seattle? That's Jesus Quesadilla's home turf." Telly remarked as Alan squeezed Telly's mighty nose as he chuckled before saying, "right on the nose." "But why would they ever want to leave Sesame Street?" Questioned Abby. "Well, sometimes people have to move on Abbie." Alan said as he then asked, "now then shall we look at a few more pictures?" Abby and Telly both agreed as Alan then began showing some pictures of old Sesame Street alumni including Mr Hooper rest in peace, but that was when he stumbled across another picture which got him nervous. It was a picture of Telly, or rather it was a picture of the original Telly.

For those of you not in the Sesame Street fandom, Telly was introduced as a monster that was addicted to television hence the name Telly and he was meant to serve as a counterpart of sorts to the Cookie Monster. The OG Telly had TV antennas sticking out from his head, the eyes were orange and bulging like Luca Brasi, and the character was very rude stealing stuff from Hooper's Store so that he could watch his shows without ever having to move a finger. Needless to say, this version of Telly didn't last very long, and his character was heavily retooled especially when the creators came to the realization that a character addicted to television would not be a good role model for kids, and I agree. Telly looked at his past self and seemed confused as he asked, "hey who is this handsome puppet?" Alan laughed. Although this laugh was much more forced than his other laughs. "Well Telly that's you remember? You came here back in 1979 and..." Alan was cut off as Telly asked, "what are you talking about Alan? I came here in the 1980's on a bus from the big city. Come on you must remember. I told you a million times." "I know." Alan said as he then sighed before saying, "you see Telly; that Telly in the photo album is your predecessor." Confused, Telly and Abby turned to look at each other before looking back at Alan as they tried to ask more questions, but Alan decided to button up and went quiet. Angered by Alan's quietness, Abby suddenly became very aggressive as she then turned to Telly and said, "make him squeal." Telly nodded. Telly then proceeded to grab Alan by the shirt collar, and dangled him over the balcony as Abby had teleported them to the very top of the Empire State Building. Alan was held over the edge as Telly threatened him with, "tell us what's going on!" "Okay! Okay! I'll tell you! Just don't hurt me!" Telly laughed before saying, "oh come now Alan I could never hurt you. What do you think i am a monster?" Basically, Alan explained to Telly and Abby everything that I told you earlier regarding the OG Telly. Telly looked really sad as he held his hand on his face as he said, "I can't believe it! There was another Telly. Where is he now?" "I cannot tell you, and I only say that because I don't know myself." Alan said. "Then perhaps your usefulness has run it's course." Abbie said evilly as she proceeded to throw Alan off the roof, and he slammed on the pavement and cracked like an egg.

A cartoon mouse that was on top of the Empire State Building with Telly and Abby looked down at the now crushed Alan as she cried in a horrifying voice, "noooooooo!" Abby proceeded to teleport herself and Telly back to Sesame Street as they then made their way over to Hooper's Store. At Hooper's, the pair decided that they were going to find the original Telly even if it killed them. "You will do no such thing!" A voice bellowed in the distance as a big burly bearded man came in dressed in Victorian esque clothes. He introduced himself as Linley master of the Revels, I don't really like Revels I prefer counters. Ha ha! Forgive me. "Who is you?" Telly asked Linley who responded with, "I am the new owner of Hooper's with Alan gone, and please don't play dumb I know that you two were responsible." Telly and Abie then got up from their bar stools and began making their leave only to get held at gunpoint by Linley who was carrying a large musket. "Telly Abbie I am sorry, but you are not permitted to leave until you agree on the lives of your possible grandchildren that you will not go looking for the original Telly." Linley smiled when both Abby and Telly nodded in agreement. "Excellent. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to catch up on a little reading." Linley made his way over to the bar and began reading a novel all about a man who buys another cat for his OG cat to play with, and the man is very evil as he shoots the cat in the leg with a shotgun for not helping with his chores. If that man were real then I would teach him a real lesson in respect. I rubbed the sweat from my bushy eyebrows as Linley then poured himself a protein shake and took a big sip out from it. Linley then clutched his throat and began vomiting out water, and he then saw in the corner of the bar a fat fucking pig which was eating steak out from an old wooden barrel which stank really bad. "Oh my!" Linley cried as he then collapsed on the ground.

Hooper's Store was then closed down, and upon doing the autopsy on Linley's body the coroner Mal Carruthers deduced that Linley had enough water in his lungs to fill the Hudson River. "First Alan, and now Linley you got problems you know that Abbie?" Telly asked as Abby simply shrugged before saying, "come on Telly we need to find out about what happened to the original you, and what really happened to Professor Hastings and..." Telly cut Abbie off as he asked, "what do you mean what really happened? Alan told us what happened to those two are you saying it was a lie." "That I am Telly that I am." Abbie said. Telly and Abby made their way down the streets where they ended up running into Big Bird who seemed to be on a hunt of his own, and upon noticing this Telly asked, "so what's going on Big Bird? What's been going on?" "Oh not much Telly." Big Bird said which caused Telly to lean towards him while pulling an incredibly smelly face the kind that a man pulls when he knows that his son is on the Molinari Family's payroll but he claims to be a concert pianist. What? Anyways, Big Bird then proceeded to explain to Abby and Telly that he had fallen into the rabbit hole that they had. Big Bird had recently asked for Alan to ask him some of the old photos of Sesame Street back when the street made sense and back when Mr Hooper was still calling the shots rest in peace once again. However, much like Telly and Abby, while scanning through the photo album with Alan, Big Bird came across one particular entry that caught his eye. It was a picture of him, but as he knew himself. No the Big Bird pictured in the photo album looked much more sinister with the feathers atop the head being unkempt and the bird looking really slim. Big Bird then went on to say that he also noticed that Snuffleupagus looked completely wrong with his eyes being yellow and bulging as well as his mouth being swollen like a big ole bee had stung him on there or something along those margins. That's when Abby made a declaration. "That's it! We're gonna to get to the bottom of this sticky wicket once and for all." "And how are we going to do that Abby?" Big Bird asked curiously.

Suddenly, after Big Bird asked that question an old beat up 1930's looking blue truck appeared on the pavement beside the trio and it was being driven by a man named Charlie who had been hired by Abbie to help them find an old abandoned warehouse on Templeton. "What is in the sense in going there?" Telly asked. "Well Telly; while you were busy asking Alan about the original Telly, I noticed in one of the pictures that Professor Hastings, Roosevelt Franklin, and the OG Telly were standing outside the warehouse and they looked really scared." Abbie explained. Telly and Big Bird got into the truck with Abbie, but they were still not entirely convinced about going to the warehouse for some reason though this was explained in a possible deleted scene which also had Telly explaining to Abbie about his medical school dreams being ruined, but that is another story best left untold a bit like the time I put ice cream inside a violin to see if it made it sound sweeter than sunscreen. I'm getting off track, but in any case, Big Bird then suggested that the trio split up and look for clues. "Well alright." Abby said in a very weird tone of voice which sounded like she was trying her best not to mock Big Bird, and to be honest I always knew that damn Abby Cadabby never liked Big Bird as she always seemed to treat him with a little less respect than she did with the other puppets. So, Big Bird and Abbie headed to an old abandoned alleyway while Telly decided to scout out the warehouse on Templeton. In the alleyway, Big and Abbie were hoping to run into Oscar The Grouch but sadly Oscar was sick with ass flu so in his absence his trash can unit was being held by his understudy Ricky Recycle Bin. Ricky Recycle Bin was among the new generation of grouches with a barely hidden contempt for the old moustache sandwich dressers like Oscar. Ricky was far crueller than Oscar could ever hope to be, and unlike Oscar there was no kindness beneath the surface with Ricky it was just pure hatred. He kept up a decent façade however and pretended to be a sweet old man so that the cops wouldn't come knocking on his trash can at 4'o clock in the morning.

Big Bird and Abby proceeded to ask Ricky if they could go inside Oscar's trash can as it was the only entrance to Grouch Land, but Ricky said, "nac oes." Ricky was initially kind and understanding with the pair's pleas, but that was when Big Bird made a big mistake of throwing a box of egg rolls into Ricky's trash can. Ricky began wailing around like a maniac as he cried, "I can't take that! That's cardboard! I can only take fresh recyclables with 5% carbon!" Ricky then began yelling some more, but he was so lost in his ranting that he actually got out from his trash can and began drawing up a bar chart which showed all the reasons why he couldn't accept the empty egg roll box. While Ricky was distracted, Abby and Big Bird made their way inside of Oscar's trash can and they ended up in Grouch Land. They didn't stay there long however as they quickly realised that Abby was right with her hunch, and Grouch Land looked even more unpleasant that I remember it being. There was no stop signs, the streets were slimy, and the trees were made of rotten meat. Two weird looking Grouch enforcers also flirted with Big Bird and said that he looked really cute, and after complimenting Big Bird on his looks one of the enforcers looked at the screen and to make matters worse the tape froze, but I managed to get it working again by throwing a bowling ball at the VCR. I always keep the bowling ball at work in case a bowling master comes into the office to ask if anyone has the skills to pay the bills. After walking a mile in Grouch Land, Abby got a little peckish as did Big Bird and they both decided to head toward a local ice cream van which had parked just down the road. The ice cream van had the face if a middle aged man on the front of it, and it had a strawberry whipped ice cream cone hanging from the forehead and it smelt like ass.

Much to my dismay and anger, the ice cream van owner was incredibly patronising and he kept yapping on about how much money you needed to buy an ice cream cone, and he kept lecturing Big Bird about it because the stupid carrot didn't have enough dosh. That's when Abby reached inside her pink hair, and produced a photo of the three bygone puppets and showed it to the ice cream man. Upon seeing the photo, the ice cream suddenly became cagey and he quickly slammed the shutters on the ice cream van and began speeding down the road towards a local hotel where he would no doubt be hogging the ice cream all for himself. I knew that man was a rat from the moment I saw him! Abby and Big Bird both looked at each with unsure expressions as the screen then cut to show that Telly had reached the warehouse in Templeton, and he decided to sneak around the back as the front entrance was being guarded by two well dressed gangster looking dudes. The back exit was also guarded, but the men guarding it were not armed and they were wearing overalls which made Telly think that they were of a lesser fortune as he was quite the judgemental monster all things considered. Using an old tactic taught to him by his former babysitter Mrs Moore, Telly snuck up on the two back exit guards and stuffed some weird saucy sauce into their noses which caused them to pass out. One of Moore's favourites I'm sure! But it has be to done Doctor it has to be done. So, Telly as we know him made his way through the back exit and entered the warehouse but he was shocked by what he saw. He saw what looked to be an old classroom with a chalkboard and desks which were covered in all of things green bananas and rotten passion fruit which had come straight from Upendi where the passion fruit grows sweet or so I'm told. On the chalkboard, there was a really complex looking mathematics equation that Telly didn't spend much time looking at as he then heard a weird rumbling sound coming from underneath the floorboards. Telly became fearful, and though a puppet I could tell that he was sweating like a cockroach in a roach motel. Telly reached inside his furry chest and produced a Desert Eagle. Telly had a license to carry a gun. Probably the most expensive gun license ever issued to a member of Sesame Street.

Telly crept his way on over to the floorboards, and braised himself before lifting up the boards. He lowered the gun instantly when he saw Professor Hastings just lying there in a pile of dust. He duct tape on his mouth and he tried yelling for help. Telly removed the tape from Professor Hastings' mouth who looked sad as he asked rhetorically, "a little rough don't you think young man?" "Sorry." Telly said sheepishly as he helped Hastings out from the floorboard and he asked, "what happened to the other old muppets you know like Roosevelt..." "I know of them." Hastings interrupted as he then proceeded to explain the story which so boring that it sent Telly to sleep, but I listened to the words of the wise Hastings as all do who truly believe. Side note part three; the whole point of the Professor Hastings sketches in the first place was that he would drone on about something historical and then fall asleep which caused Kermit to come in and gave the old man a damn good beating as Kermit was quite the nasty frog when you come down to it, and are you really that surprised? According to Hastings, whenever a puppet no longer has any purpose to Sesame Street they are sent to this warehouse which has windows and no signs that hung above the door, and whenever a policeman asked what the warehouse was for the owners would always lie and say that the warehouse was being used to make hats and scarves for snowmen who are extra chilly. The warehouse's real purpose however was to put the puppets somewhere far away where no one can hear their screams. "Well why didn't you call for help?" Telly asked as Hastings rubbed some dust off from his grey moustache as he then said, "well we tried that son, you see there is this old telephone named Worley who used to live here with us, but he took so long to make a phone call that we were always found out before we managed to get through to anyone." "And what happened to Worley?" Telly asked. He asks a lot of questions doesn't he that Telly? Hastings shrugged and said, "let's just say they broke him." Telly wiped a tear from his nose as he then decided that he and Professor Hastings were going to rescue the other puppets from whatever hole they had been stuffed inside of. Sounds dirty doesn't it?

The warehouse had long smelly hallways which went on for ages, and there were security guards on each hallway. Telly and Hastings made their way through the warehouse caring not a button for the darkness as they then came across a large room which contained a series of cages and inside each cage contained a forgotten puppet not just Roosevelt Franklin and the original Big Bird, but there was also several other characters including a tea drinking British man who likes to solve the grimiest of cases, a fucking rat in a yellow and black striped jumper with a French beret, and even a local fish monger who had an ad stuck to his chest about if you wanted to become a fish monger than he was the person to call. You are a puppet good Sir, so I highly doubt that many people are going to be calling you. "I knew you would come here son." A voice said in the distance, and Telly began laughing as he then turned around and pointed his furry little sausage finger at the unknown speaker as he proclaimed, "I knew it would be you P Salty! You broke my heart! You broke my heart!" However, Telly's look of confidence drained very quickly when he saw that it was not P Salty the smelly book but rather Piggle a resident of Peppermint Park. He was carrying a stoplight under his left arm as the ole Piggle had a thing for stoplights which had caused his ex best friend Wiley to get ties with him. "P Salty? Oh come on Telly, I don't sound anything like that book!" Piggle whined as he then snorted because pigs do that as he then reached inside his baseball bat and produced a red baseball bat and got ready to give Telly an epic beat down. "Now hold on a minute! Before you go much further could you maybe explain your evil plan?" Telly asked like some kind of Chilly Charlie as the wily Piggle laughed a mighty laugh before saying, "sure why not. Not like you can escape anyhow. I got eyes everywhere. Piggle then turned his back to Telly for a moment, and lifted up his sweatshirt revealing a massive eye on his back which made Telly gag. Don't be so judgemental Telly! Piggle then proceeded to sit down at an old worktable as he began explaining his plan over to Telly who sat there curiously childlike and busied himself by lighting a cigarette, Piggle had offered the monster a light but he pretended not to see it.

Piggle then began explaining his story. Back in the 1980's, Sesame Street was known as the dominant puppet show on CBS, and as such other puppet shows had no time of ever being able to conquer it's greatness. Over in Peppermint Park, the residents there decided that they had the skills to make their very own puppet show and so with financial support from Mayor Peppermint they created their very own public access show which attempted to teach morals, but sadly Peppermint Park failed miserably in picking up any traction. Why? Well; it was mainly because the puppets used on said program looked like they had come straight from the depths of Al's Toy Barn, and they looked bloody horrific especially Piggle's aforementioned ex best friend Wiley who looked like a stolen ape from The Planet Of The Apes set. Oh Dr Zaius! Dr Zaius! As you might of expected, Peppermint Park didn't last very long and got cancelled after like six episodes which probably also came from the fact that the show featured a singing narrator with a thing for rhinos who can't rhyme to save his life, and horrible lessons including Piggle stealing a stoplight in order to continue his stoplight fetish. After stealing the stoplight, a massive car crash occurred outside Piggle's bunker and he looked horrified showing that deep down ole Piggle has far bigger standards than anyone else in Peppermint Park and Sesame Street. Enough said. Piggle then went on to explain that during the 1980s, he realised that sometimes when a puppet character doesn't quite make the cut they are tossed out onto the street like yesterday's jam. Professor Hastings had been one of the first to go as had Roosevelt Franklin. Both had been regulars during the very first season of Sesame Street, but they were both thrown out. Believing that these forgotten puppets could help put Peppermint Park on the map, Piggle began plotting with Mayor Peppermint and began kidnapping the tossed aside puppets including Lefty the Salesman and many others. Piggle then said, "you see Telly; I'm not hurting these fine puppets of the cloth, I'm saving them from people like you. People that toss away those are of no use to you." "Heh Piggle when did you become so noble."

Telly knew fully well that Piggle was full of shit, and that he was actually tormenting the puppets by keeping them locked in cages and Telly understood that Piggle would not be letting the forgotten puppets out until he felt that the time was right for them to take their place in the Sun. Whatever that means I cannot even begin to comprehend. Realising that Piggle had come to the end of his story, Telly decided to distract him again by asking, "say Piggle ole boy what's that in your hand there?" "Why this?" Piggle asked as he held the stoplight in front of Telly and proclaimed, "it's a sexy sexy stoplight! Now when the colour red comes on like this... and oh dear." Piggle cut himself off when he saw that all of the cages had been opened and that he was now standing alone in the middle of the dimly lit room and he thought to himself what a wonderful walnut. Piggle then realised that he was going to be under a lot of fire for this. Telly and the other puppets made their way down the hallways with help from Pro Hastings who brought along some pogo sticks in order to teach the gang a lesson on gravity. "Now you see; what comes up must come down." Hastings began in his monotone voice as Telly interrupted him by saying, "no time Hasty baby, we need to find the original me." A loud record scratch could be heard playing in the background as Roosevelt Franklin stopped dead in his tracks and asked Telly, "haven't you heard you are a turd?" "WHAT!?" Telly yelled angrily Roosevelt laughed before saying, "sorry for that brother, I was just gonna say that you might want to see Piggle been doing to your ole self." "Show me." Telly said coldly as he brought down another dimly lit hallway which stank of prawns. Bad ones too. He was then led into an old room and inside the room there was an one way mirror exactly like the ones you would find in a police station. Inside the mirror, Telly saw his old self we'll call him Old Tell being chained to a nasty looking green sofa with his eyes being taped open and the antennas that hung from his head were buzzing as he was being forced to watch episode after episode of knock off children's shows like P Salty. P Salty was currently on the television that Old Tell was watching, and him and his dog Blooper were trying to buy a TMNT notepad from a street vendor who really wanted them to join him in the countryside for a little hunt with the cows. The cows were proper dumb, and frequently ran onto highways where they would no doubt end up getting thrown over by a pipsqueak pioneer.

Telly and the others broke the door down, and got Old Tell out from the chair by rubbing the chains in butter a tactic taught to them by Old Man Tyme, Oh yeah, it's all coming together! Next scene had Telly and the others running their way through the hallways being chased down by the residents of Peppermint Park including a sinister frog and a man holding scissors who was probably a friend of Henry Tomasino Jr. God knows what they could have been up to. Oh what's that? Sorry, I was just reading a little from the Oliver Charles/Bruno Tattaglia funnypasta guide. Now why does that ring a bell? Ring a bell? I ain't no sheep! Matter of fact, I'm scared of sheep. Sorry about that friend, anyways, the gang ran out of the warehouse and into the 1930's truck from earlier. Yes, they all managed to fit inside one truck because logic ain't really a thing down on Sesame Street now is it dear? While driving down the streets towards Sesame, Telly leaned back in his chair and looked at Old Tell who looked at him and asked, "are you me?" "That's right past me. You and I have got a lot of catching up to do." Telly then turned his attention towards Big Bird's past self who was chilling in the passenger's seat and said, "hehe you and your current self have also a lot of catching up to do." Upon returning to Sesame Street, Telly and the others were surprised to see that Big Bird and Abby were waiting to greet them. "Well the hell were you guys?" Telly asked as he got out from the car, which caused a resident of Sesame Street named Mr Felly to slap Telly across his meaty chops as he yelled, "lower your fucking voice!" Telly gulped a mighty gulp as he then proceeded to explain the deets over to Big Bird and Abby. "So you are my past self huh?" Big Bird asked as he made his way on over to OG Big Bird who was now holding a banjo as he proclaimed in his Southern accent, "that's right! Matter of fact, I think I feel a song coming on!" Big Bird ran on over to his nest quickly, and when he came back he was carrying a dusty ole violin which he then began strumming along to as OG Big Bird began playing a tune on his banjuo. They sang Country Road together as the residents of Sesame Street watched on in amazement. Telly then turned to face Abby who was dancing in the street with Rosita and Elmo. Telly leaned against an old Victorian looking streetlight as he asked, "so uh what happened to you and Big Bird? I thought that we were a team on this." "Oh yeah sorry about that Telly, but Telly and I got lost in Grouch Land." Abby explained. "You got lost?" Telly asked in a very sinister tone of voice not at all like himself.

I had no time to dwell on such things as the episode then ended with Telly and OG Tell watching television atop an old apartment complex right in the heart of Sesame Street. Sadly, the TV wasn't getting much signal due it being a rather blustery day out, but OG Tell got up from his lounge chair as he proclaimed, "easy peesy!" He then shooting electric currents out from his antennas right into the television which got to start working. The episode then ended with the normal credits, but there was a SICK clip afterwards which had a massive fly making out with a man who looked disgusted afterwards and he ended up jumping into a pit of a very hungry alligator named Crocmour Ckinner who is a former smoking advocate though he still gets proper cross when you mention his past of selling tobacco to him. Never seen a croc get that angry before. Oh wait, yes I have. After watching that episode, I suddenly heard the door to the basement creak open like a fart and I quickly shot up from my chair and took the tape out from the VCR and proceeded to sniff it like I was inspecting it for clues. Thankfully, Mr Fortnight was not the one to come marching down the stairs only instead it was Assistant District Attorney Leonard Petersen an avid crusader against corruption or so he claims anyway. Petersen clasped his hands together as he proclaimed, "Barkis! I saw the whole thing!" He then reached inside his suit pocket which made me think that he was going to be reaching for a gun, but to my relief Petersen pulled out a white flag and he held the flag up to his nose as he said while pulling a very cheesy smile I might add, "I've got a lovely little idea." "Oh really and what pray tell be this little idea of yours?" I asked in an arrogant tone of voice completely unlike myself, but Petersen smiled as he said, "come with me my friend." 'I ain't your friend mate.' I had thought to myself as Petersen and I made our way out from the basement, and this was when life began looking up for ole Barkis AKA yours truly.

Petersen and I made a deal. According to Petersen, the tape he saw me watch had made him sick to his stomach and he knew that Mr Fortnight and the rest of the Sesame Workshop staff had seen this forbidden episode but were still content with throwing away unwanted characters he decided that something needed to be done about it. And so, Mr Fortnight was fired and was forced to serve jail time of which he only served two months after making a deal in which he would turn States so as long as he never steps foot in the Sesame Workshop ever again. According to CTV footage which had previously been edited out by Fortnight's nephew Matt Miller ole Forty was very cruel to the puppets, and would dangle them over the fire until he could see the fear in their eyes. Don't feel too bad for ole Fortnight little grasshopper as last I heard, he was getting his magic act back together and was currently performing shows up in Birkland City. I still get postcards from him from time to time, as he never learned that it was me that accidentally showed Petersen the footage. I knew that Petersen was a crusader against corruption, but I had no idea that he was also a member of The Muppets Equal Right Act which had been established in 1969 on the very day after the first episode of Sesame Street hit the airwaves. Life began getting better for me, as I was finally promoted from the basement and became a frontline manager where I would provide story ideas to the writers who treated me with contempt. I started getting a lot of odd looks ever since Mr Fortnight got fired which is when I ultimately decided to resign from my new position of power after just three days, and I then sat myself down on a bench in Lincoln Park and thought about what I was going to do next. I didn't stay in the park for long as there were three men sitting on a bench next to me discussing buying drugs from the local Triad gang, so you know it wasn't the best.

I made my way down the busy streets eventually hailing a cab towards the local beach where I began throwing some stones at the sea. I also accidentally hit an old man in a rowing boat on the back with a stone, and he began chasing after me but I managed to give him the slip. I then stood on the old sand dunes and gazed out at the horizon as the sun began to slowly set. I had no idea that sunsets could be so beautiful and I lit myself a pipe as the Bikini Bottom Male Orchestra briefly drove past. That's when I decided that I had time to figure things out, maybe I could go back to my old job of conning wealthy aristocrats into thinking that I am a man of royalty so that I can marry into their family and then mooch off their inheritance. I will then use the funds from said inheritance to invest in buying a house made all out of wood for keeping you dry when it's raining. I then saw two old farts walking down the street yapping on about how their son was going to make them a mint by marrying the daughter of a local governor who can only say one word and that word is, "hmm." I then put on my running shoes, and decided that this could be the one. Now if you'll excuse me friends, I've got a play date with destiny and red potatoes.