Earth Timeline

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## 2,000,000,000-0

2,000,000,000 BC: Life was made by a God.

1,500,000,000 BC: Nothing

1,000,000,000 BC: Oh! Wait something! Dinosaurs!

5,000,000 BC: New better dinosaurs apparently.

100,000 BC: New dinosaurs

13,000 BC: Reptilions? Why?

12,000 BC: Cavemen pop out of nowhere. The Stone Age Begins.

11,689 BC: The first war ever happens: Da Caveman VS Reptilion War

11,598 BC: Cavemen prove mightier. Cavemen win war. Reptilions are extint, or are they?

11,090 BC: Fred Flinstone is born.

11,060 BC: The Flintstones reality sitcom begins.

11,050 BC: The Flintstones end.

11,037 BC: Fred Flintstone gets violently mauled by a Saber Tooth Tiger.

11,026 BC: A volcano meteor space monster nearly wipes out Cavemen civilazation. The Stone Age ends.

11,023 BC: The Ice Age Begins

4,021 BC: The Ice Age movies take place

4,002 BC: Continental drift happens. Ice Age 4 takes place.

3,982 BC: Snow melts completely. The Ice Age ends.

3,981 BC: People can finally get off their butts and build something again.

3,500 BC: People settle by the Nile River.

3,100 BC: Eygpt makes a weird code language.

3,000 BC: Greece begins

2,700 BC: The first pyramid was built, it was crappy

2,600 BC: The Pyramids of Giza(AKA The only pyramids people give a crap about) were built. Aliens helped because they saw how BS their first one was.

1,250 BC: The Trojan Horse war.

1,100 BC: Upper and Lower Eygpt split, Western and Eastern Eygpt destroyed.

776 BC: The first Oylmpics begin

774 BC: The first Fry Cook Games begin.

753 BC: People plagarise Greece and call it Rome.

746 BC: The Trojans demand more prostitutes. The Trojan Whores War begins.

742 BC: Trojans win again by tricking and made a giant sexy women.

700-600 BC: Sparta's reign of terror.

600 BC: Persians conquer Eygpt, no one gives a crap about Persia.

480 BC: The Sparta guy is born.

460 BC: The Peloponnesian War: Sparta vs Athens begins

404 BC: Athens loses after the Sparta guy says This is Sparta!

402 BC: No war, Sparta guy dies.

336 BC: Alexander the Great rules Greece.

332 BC: Alexander the Great steals Eygpt from Persia.

323 BC: Alexander the Great dies from a poisonous gyro.

196 BC: Rosetta stone is a thing.

145 BC: Rome conquers Greece, renames Greece, Grease.

45 BC: Julius Caesar rules Rome. His

44 BC: Julius Caesar seduces Cleopatra. Dies from Cleopatra's husband.

27 BC: Augustus Gloop is rules Rome.

20 BC: Rome grows.

10 BC: Rome grows.

0: People think this will be the last year because of the time going backwards.

## 1-476

1: That didn't make sense, Rome is safe. Rome grows!

10: Rome grows even more!

20: Meanwhile at Eygpt........

30: Rome grows so huge!

40: ROME! ROME! ROME!!!

50: ROME IS FRIGGIN HUGE!!!

60: MORE GROWTH!

64: Ouch...

80: The Colosseum is built

121: Rome gets crazier. Barbarians invented.

380: Theodosius finally ends the Greek plagarism and makes Christanity the mainstream religon.

400: ROME WILL NEVER DIE!!!!

410: Oh crap.

476: Rome offically dies. The Middle ages begin.

## 476-1399

530: Elf people become a thing.

547: Harold Harkinian an elf, leads the elves.

565: King Arthur is born.

568: Hank Harkinian is born, the next heir to the throne

570: Muhammad is born.

595: The Holy Grail movie takes place.

604: Hank Marries an elf women named Hilda.

607: Europe doesn't trust elves and how much they have been spreading this century. The Elf-Human War begins.

610: The war ends, half of the elves stay here, and half of move to New Zealand. The rulers and the higher classes stay, and the poor people leave. Queen Hilda Harkinian gives birth to King Harkian. Ganondorf is born in Gerudo Valley Arabia.

611: King Hank renames the European elves, Hylians and their land Hyrule.

622: King Hank dies, Queen Hilda takes over.

633: Queen Hilda dies, King Harkinian becomes King of Hyrule.

642: Arabians conquer Eygpt. It was easy since there was like no one there anymore, only 200 Egyptians and was run by a few stoners who were decendents from the Roman conquerers.

643: King marries Helga, her name is gross but at the time was hot.

665: Helga gives birth to Zelda. Link, the hero of time is born.

667: Italian knights named Antonio and Johnio invade an area in Italy with lots of mushrooms and weird Mushroom people called Toads.

668: Helga starts doing drugs. The 2 knights and their army kills off 5/6 of the population and has the rest as slaves. Antonio names the settlement the Mushroom Village.

670: King divorces with Helga because of how ugly and messed up she got from doing drugs.

675: Ocarina of Time happens.

676: Link saves Hyrule and has a party thrown for him. Then people kick him out of Hyrule because he broke in houses, stole their belongings, and attacked their chickens. A few months later, Majora's Mask takes place.

677: Link is kicked out of Termina for the same reason ad Hyrule.

678: Link returns to Hyrule at age 13, King allows it because he saved the world twice. A few months later, a Link to the Past happens. Ganon is back but as a weird pig thing.

679: Link goes to sea to go fishing but then the boat sinks and he goes on a life boat. Link's Awakining takes place. After he comes back to Hyrule, the King lectures him and he forces Link to scrun all the floors of Hyrule. A few months later, Link Between Worlds happen. After saving the world yet again, Link earns the title Mah Boi from the King.

680: Link and Zelda both turn 14 and hit puberty akwardly. Link becomes a big derp and talks in stead of not talking, and Zelda is in a stage where she is ugly and a whiny b\*\*\*\*. The CDI games take place.

681: At some point during this year the puberty is more normal when they Zelda is hot again. Both Link and Zelda go through a faze dying their hair brown. Zelda 1 takes place.

682: The Hobbit happens. The Mushroom village completed a castle. Antonio(the founder) redubs the place the Mushroom Kingdom. Johnio is his loyal servent.

683: Zelda stops dying her hair brown. Zelda II happens.

684: Link and Zelda go through another weird faze. Johnio is jealous and tries to kill Antonio, but a the guards catch him and kill him.

685: KIng dies from a heart attack. Zelda dyes her hair brown again. Twilight Princess happens.

686: Antonio marries Princess Grape the 2nd.

687: Link and Zelda start dating finally.

689: Link and Zelda get married.

700: Lord of the Rings happen.

702: Queen Grape gives birth to a son named Donatellio.

705: Zelda gives birth to twins named Lance and Zeena.

714: Antonio dies of old. Queen Grape takes control.

720: Hyrule and Middle Earth go to war. The Middle War Begins.

724: The war ends after Link and Froto die.

725: Zelda turns 60, yet she is still hot.

727: Donatellio dates Zelda's daughter Zeena(only for her rupees).

729: Donatellio murders Zeena and steals her rupees. This made Queen Zelda angry. Zelda marches down to the Mushroom Kingdom and holds Donatellio's ear all the way down. By the time Zelda arrives, both of his ears were ripped off. Zelda tells Grape what her son did to her daughter and grounded him for life. The 2 women then drank tea together and complained about men, preventing any future wars that could happen between the 2 Kingdoms.

732: Muslims try to invade Europe, but fail.

735: Europe saw the growth of Hyrule a threat, began invading. This caused the Europe and Hyrule War to begin. Queen Zelda is 70 now and looks old and ugly. Zelda's son Lance leads the army.

743: Europe wins the war after a huge Tsunami wipes out all of Hyrule. Lance survived but now lives on a mountain top and formed a small village with the survivers.

835: Vikings try to invade Europe but fail.

989: Europe tries invade the Mushroom Kingdom.

991: Europe suceeds and the Mushroom Kingdom is part of Europe.

1000: Happy 1K!!!

1096: The crusades begin.

1189: Richard I becomes King of England.

1206: The Mongol Empire got invented.

1215: King John was being cool and made things more equal for his people.

1271: Marco Polo goes on his famous journey to China. For suceeding, he got a game named after him.

1337: England and France fight to earn the French throne. It is called the One Hundered Year War but only lasted 100 seconds after an English man kicked the French king in the crotch so hard, it killed him.

1347: The Black Plauge happens and whipes out half of humanity.

## 1400

1400: The Renisaunce begins. BORING, meanwhile Asia continues to get cooler.

1444: A German guy invents the printing press.

1456: People die from boredom.

1491: Christopher Columbus(a noob) is getting tired of the boring BS that has been going on in Europe and also he is sick of people saying the world is flat. Spain gives him money just so he can shut his mouth.

**1492:** Columbus drunkenly sailed teh ocean blue. With the Neenah, Peentah, and the Santa Clause Maria.

- Set 20: Columbus and his crew drunkenly head to a storm.

- Set 23: The crew is feels like they failed, epiescally since all of the bouves are gone.

- Set 30: Wait stupid fools! There still was beer! They were just so drunk they thought it was all gone!