Everybody Is Qong Fu Fighting

**Everybody is Qong Fu Fighting** is the 2nd Episode of Season 1 of *ZongueBob and Friends*. The heroes end up discovering rumors of a greater evil on the rise, and since the Heroes Act and Lodge are too busy, they must look into this threat themselves. It leads them to Zo, a Chinese world, and into a Valley in which Qong Fu, Sonny's martial art, is best learned. There, they meet Pho, a Coonda with dreams of being a Qong Fu Master, but lives with his adopted Themo (peacock-like colored bird) father Pong in a food shop. But he ends up roped into potentially being a great hero called the Dracthon Warrior, because he 'accidentally' falls into a coronation to decide o Dracthon Warrior, as one of their worst public threats have sought one of their old students, Tei Long, onto the Qong Palace. This threat sets him free from prison unnoticed as a distraction for a greater plan involving some familiar threats of the Lodgers, and thus Zhigu, the head of the Palace, has decided to choose the Dracthon Warrior, ending up with Pho. Thus, he is roped into the task of defeating Tei before he, with his magically-augmented Qong Fu, wreaks havoc to finish what he started. The Loungers are roped into it, and Zhigu, despite bringing it up with the spirit of his master, Master Uugwuey, he has difficulty trusting Pho. Even his pupils Trigress, Kongin, Ruuber, Mangris, and Andane have trouble holding them off, having to go after him and failing to protect their loved ones including Ruuber's fiancé Lady Hush. Thus, with the Dracthon Scroll proving to be a seemingly-impossible riddle set up by Uugwhey, hopes are lessened, but the Loungers discover the riddle and aim to tell Pho of it before Tei comes and destroys the Valley, unaware that he has been seeing visions about what to expect, and adapts around them with his Qong Fu, and almost kills Zhigu. How will they save the Valley, and will Pho become the Dracthon Warrior before Tei destroys everything?

## Scenes

#### **The Legend**

* (Pho): Legend tells of a legendary Qong Fu warrior, whose legendary skills were the stuff of legend.... Okay, I'll stop saying 'legend'. Anyway... He traveled the land in search of worthy foes. (He entered a corrupt bar and ate some dumpling-like pastries as everyone inside approached him)
* Bulath:... I see you like to chew. Maybe you should chew, ON MY FIST! (He slammed it down)
* (Pho):... The warrior said nothing, for his mouth was full. Then when he swallowed... He spoke.
* Warrior: Careful. I just might. Who knows? It could be tasty. But enough talk. Let's fight. (He broke the table in a Qong Fu pose) KABUI!!!! (He beat them up comically)
* (Pho): He was so deadly, in fact, that his enemies would go blind from overexposure to PURE AWESOMENESS!!
* Bandit #1: AAAAHHHH!! MY EEEEYYYYESS!!!
* Bandit #2: RUN FOR IT!! HE'S TOO AWESOME!!!
* Bartender #1: AND attractive!
* Bartender #2: How can we repay you?
* Warrior: No need. It's not just on the house. It's all over the house. There is no charge for awesomeness... OR attractiveness. (Bartender #1 swooned as he blew the roof off the building and beat up thugs in the air)
* (Pho): It mattered not how many foes he faced. They were just no match for his bodacious tenacity! (He cartoonishly beat up thousands of individuals)

French Narrator: 1 year later... I am dead serious...

* (Pho): (Thugs of all kinds fell in comical ways)... Never before had a warrior this category been so feared and loved. He was so grand and powerful, and his achievements beyond all others, that even the most heroic heroes on all of Zo, the FURY FIVE... (They leapt in as a Trigress, Ruuber, Mangris, Andane, and Kongse)... Bowed to respect him. (They went up to him)
* Kongse: Hey, we should totally hang out.
* Warrior:... Totally agreed.
* ???: HEY, ASSHOLE!!! (The thugs appeared stronger than ever)
* Colossal Thug Leader: WE AIN'T DONE WITH YOU YET!!!
* (Pho): But hanging out would have to wait, because there's only ONE thing that matters when you're facing the 1 Million Demons of Hel Rong Peak! And that, IIIIIISSSSSSSSS- (Record scratch as everything froze)
* (???): (Through Kongse and Trigress' mouths) PHO! Get up! You'll be late for work!
* Warrior:... Wha- (He fell comically) GUAAAWWAAAAAAAHHHHH-

Reality

* Pho: (He woke up as he landed)... \*Yawn\* Darn. Another realistic dream... I mean, not realistic, but... Ah, whatever.

#### **Crobra and Tei Long's Story**

* Pho: (Groaning) Ow!!! I thought you said acupuncture would- (Poke) HELP!!
* Mangris: Trust me, it will! It's just hard to find the right nerve points under all this-
* Pho: Fat?
* Mangris:... I was gonna say fur.
* Pho: Suuure you were. And I was only PRETENDING TO SUCK HANDLING YOU GUYS TO DEMINSTRAIGHT MY DURABILITY?!
* Mangris: Tch, judging from your wounds, you went all the way in fooling us. (Pho sighed defeated). But in all seriousness though, as our fan, you should know that we weren't perfect initially either. And argueabily still aren't TRUELY perfect. I mean, I'm not the right one to do this anyway. Look at me, my size AND biology is not a good comparison. (Pho loks at his shoulder, while Mangris is on his other shoulder) I'm over here. (Pokes him as he yelped)
* Ruuber: I think you should take a look at this again. (Shows the anatomy via holopad)
* Mangris:... Ahhhh, there's the problem.
* Pho:... I... I know Zhigu's trying to help and all... But if I didn't know any better, I'd say he was trying to get rid of me. (Laughs until he saw Mangris' and Ruuber's faces)......
* Sonny:.... Yyyyyeeeeaaaaahhhh, kinda got that impression too.
* Mangris:... Well, I know he wasn't being the most pleasent master ever, but.... He wasn't always this heartless.
* Ruuber: According to legend, there was once a time when Zhigu used to smile.
* Cephward: P-Hah! Don't see that happening!
* Mangris: We do.
* Ruuber: But... Well, that was before... Him.
* ZongueBob: Him?
* Trigress: (She came in apawn over-hearing it and making her preasence known) Before Master Crobra!
* Andane: Uh, didn't we agree not to talk about him?
* Trigress: Well, he may as well know if he's going to stay here. And the visitors should learn as well.
* Pho: Oh, I know about him. Wasn't he a student here, and one of the first to master... (Trigress approached him)... The Untold Scrolls of Qong Fu... Then he turned evil, and was sent to prison?
* Trigress:... Crobra wasn't just a student....

Flashback

* (Trigress): He was an orphan from Recex who was raised by Zhigu and the Palace. And when he showed talent in martial arts aided by his natural gift of magic, Zhigu trained him. He believed in him. He told him he was destined for greatness. But it was never enough for Crobra. He wanted more. Much more. He took an interest in Zyaūar Secrets. The secrets wielded by powerful warriors of unknown past. The power of near-gods. But Uugwhey constantly told him he wasn't ready. After he grew impatient with every passing hour, he decided to take his power out on our other students. He lead them each down the wrong path. And when they were all gone, and he was the only one left... He was still denied what he wanted. So he went to drastic measures. Uugwhey and Zhigu caught him sneaking into the restricted scrolls.
* Crobra: DAH?! Uugwhey and Zhigu?! This, uh.... This isn't what it looks like! I..... I was dusting them off! (Tries to pretend to dusting the scrolls off) Ya know, it's amazing that with all this tecknowagey, that we still have to contend with these anichent problems such as dust right? (Neriously laughs as the duo stared unconvinced), Right..... (Gives up frustraighted) OKAY, NO MORE BEATING AROUND THE KULLBERRY BUSH?! HOW DARE YOU WITHHOLD THIS INFORMATION FROM ME?!? I AM YOUR CONFIDANT!!! AS THE LAST STUDENT, I CAN BE GREAT WITH THIS POWER!!!
* Zhigu: You could, but where we once saw compassion and sincerity, we now see ambition! You're too selfish to earn this power-
* Crobra: SELFISH?! HOW DARE YOU?! THIS SCROLL SHOWS THAT I CAN BE SO MUCH MORE!!!! YOU'RE THE SELFISH ONE FOR KEEPING THIS FROM ME!!! I have done more than enough to be your equal, if not greater, to deserve this! I DEMAND TO BE A ZYAŪAR MASTER!!
* Uugwhey: No! This power must be earned. You have turned away everything you need just for this. Every time you say you 'deserve' something, it only proves how much you don't. This attitude and act of selfishness and greed is not welcome here. I have no choice but to expel you from your studies.
* Crobra:... Excuse me? Are you kicking me OUT OF MY OWN HOME?!? AFTER ALL I DID FOR YOU?!
* Uugwhey: You are dismissed! My guards will escort you out!
* Crobra:... You selfish sanctimonious fool! This is the biggest mistake you will make in your entire life! You think you can banish me from my own home and expect no consequence? Mark my words, Master Uugwhey, I will return, and when I do, you and your precious Temple will die for your stubbornness and arrogance! (As he burst in magic energy) I WILL NOT REST UNTIL I DESTROY AND TAKE EVERYTHING YOU CREATED AND CARE FOR!! (He zapped the entire room and disappeared in magic smoke, leaving Zhigu distraught)
* (Trigress): Outraged by his ousting, and filled with hatred for them, Crobra went to a dark Zyaūar Graveyard, and found a relic forbidden to even the Zyaūar Masters. With it, he grew in power, and consumed by darkness, he became a monster for more power and sold his soul for the power to destroy the Qong Fu Valley. (In a black magic ritual he was shed to his bones and a relic similar to Rasputin's was made stronger as he summoned grimmer versions of Cobra's Abominations)
* (Trigress): With that, Crobra laid waste to the Valley. (He came with 4 arms and 2 legs and two magic glowing Buster Swords and Combat Wands as he destroyed many innocent families taking their souls to add to his power while his Abominations destroyed more as he approached the Palace)
* Crobra:... UUGWUEY!!! WHERE ARE YOU?!? GET OUT AND FACE WHAT YOU DID WRONG AND I PROMISE A QUICK DEATH!!! (He and Zhigu came out) That's more like it!
* Zhigu: How dare you set foot on these grounds and terrorize innocent people?
* Crobra: NO ONE HERE IS INNOCENT!!! EVERYONE SHUNNED ME!!! (He revealed his relic) Now I will show you the TRUE power of Zyaūar! (He amplified his power through the stolen souls as the two were knocked away when trying to stop him as he unleashed a powerful beam that destroyed the palace and he absorbed all the knowledge from it and got stronger as the swords bonded to his arms and he shattered Uugwuey's statue)... The Age of Uugwuey is over! Now all will bow down to ME! (He levitated Uugwuey and Zhigu away with his wands) Now you will see how it feels to lose everything! If I ever see you again, you will never see the light of day again! (He casts black magic on their hearts and pushes them into the village)
* (Trigress): He cursed them into losing their souls should they think about stopping him. He began a campaign of aggressive conquest out to use Zyaūar power to take over more than Zo. However, years later, the two returned free from their curse and armed with the Sword of Heroism. This allowed them to defeat him for good. As punishment, Uugwuey had him exiled to another world. One where he believed his power would be lost.... But the battle left scars. Zhigu loved Crobra like he had never loved anyone before. (Young Trigress was seen training and Zhigu neglectfully changed her posture)...... Or since....

Present

* Trigress:... And now he has a chance to make things right, to train a new prodigy prophesized to be the Dracthon Warrior. And he got you. A big fat Coonda who treats it like a joke. (Pho ends up making a stupid face)..... WHY YOU IMPUDENT LITTLE-
* Mangris: Hold up! My bad! I accsidently twicked a facial nerve?! (Pho fell with needles on his back)... And may've also stopped his heart.
* Sonny:... Wow, you suck!
* ZongueBob:... This guy corrupted all the other students all because of his own greed?
* Trigress: Indeed. Including his best friend and the second best student Tei Long.

Flashback

* (Trigress): He was raised by Zhigu since he was a baby. But when he wanted more just like Crobra, Crobra took advantage of that and told him of the Dracthon Scroll. When Uugwuey saw darkness in his heart and refused, Tei defeated a mob boss to prove his worth. But because of the massive collateral damage he caused... He was banished. Thus he terrorized the Valley and tried to take the Scroll by force. And Zhigu had to destroy what he had created.... But how could he? (Tei Long knocked Zhigu out and was knocked out quickly by Uugwuey)... Zhigu had let his pride make Crobra turn him down the wrong path forever. Tei was Crobra's best friend and pawn, and it destroyed Zhigu just as much as losing Crobra afterward.

Present

* Bongki:... Wow! That sucks!
* Cehpward: "Well it's no wonder why he's being such an asshat about all this. Losing two of his best students stabbed him in his heart."
* Atrick: That'd kill him.
* Trigress: Well it kinda has already. Zhigu hasn't had much fulfillment since then. It's sad to see such a great master hit rock bottom because of two losses. Let's just leave it at that and get some rest. (They did so)
* Sonny:... Interesting.

French Narrator: Later...

* Zhensi: Are you sure?
* Sonny: Not entirely. This Crobra fella sounds like bad news. And that could be good news for these "Dark Radical guys", espeically if their freeing of Crokton's anything to go by.
* Mr. Tetrus: "Well that's assuming this Crobra guy's even alive at this point. For all we know, given how old Zhigu is, maybe this guy died at some point."
* Cehpward: "..... You seriously think, a guy with magic like THAT would die out from old age?"
* Mr. Tetrus: "Well it was never said it made him immortal, so-"
* Sonny: He sold his soul for power! That means his life depends on the relic he has. Thus he's technically immortal. You seriously never considered that?
* Hud: (Cackles) (gibbish speak) ("You're a dummyhead!")
* Zhensi: Yeah way to sound stupid, Crabby! (She slapped Tetrus)
* Mr. Tetrus: "OW?! Okay okay, so, maybe I didn't read that story properly! But even then, that's not to say he would be interested in the Dark Radicals! He obviously sounds like a stand-alone kind of guy!"
* Cephword: "So was Crokton in a sense, AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED THERE?!"

#### **Tei Long Escapes**

(Pho tries to escape)

* Pho: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Runs down the stairs, only to be stopped by Zhigu)
* Zhigu: You cannot leave! The Drachton Warrior NEVER quits!
* Pho: Watch me!
* Zhigu spun Pho around.....
* Pho: "..... Okay, WHAT GIVES?! I thought you wanted me gone?!"
* Zhigu: YES! I did! But now you must believe in your master, as I have come to believe in mine.
* Pho:...You're not my master. And I'm not the Drachton warrior.
* Zhigu: Then why didn't you quit?! You knew I wanted you to leave the palace, yet you stayed!
* Pho: "Oh pardon me for being a fan of you guys and wanted an oppertunity to get to know you more personally then just fandom gossip! Honestly, it might be hard to explain to your students' fan clubs that the most awesome heroes ever, WERE QUICK TO CONSIDER ME A JOKE?!"
* Zhigu: "Look, I admit you were not given a glamerious time in there, but things have changed! I, may admit that you aren't exactly my first choice for such an honorable position, but it's time for me to worry less about the could'ves and would'ves and worry about the now! And that now, is about Tei Long's return!"
* Pho; COME ON! Even if it takes a hundred years for him to get here, how are YOU gonna turn THIS into the Drachton Warrior?! HUH?!
* Zhigu:... I wish I had an answer.
* Pho:... That's what I thought.

#### **Zhigu vs. Tei Long**

Qong Fu Palace

* Tei: (Zhigu waited as the storm above cracked and he arrived)... I have come home, master.
* Zhigu: That time has passed, and you are no longer welcome here.
* Tei: So I hear from my old friend that you have a new favorite. So where is this 'Pho'... (Chuckles) Did I scare him off?
* Zhigu: This no longer concerns him. Only us.
* Tei:... I see. If that's how it must be... Then are you really willing to throw your life away? You know I can kill you now.
* Zhigu: It doesn't matter. I have to settle this. (Got in combat stance)
* Tei:... If you insist! Besides, gives me a chance to, get ALOT, of my chest, per exsample...... (He displayed new magical abilities as he fought Zhigu, knocking him off as he caught his footing) I ROTTED IN PRISON FOR 20 YEARS BECAUSE OF YOUR WEAKNESS!!
* Zhigu: OBEYING YOUR MASTER IS NOT WEAKNESS!
* Tei: You told me I was destined for greatness, and you knew I was the Dracthon Warrior! You always did! But when Uugwuey said otherwise... YOU JUST STOOD THERE AND DID NOTHING!!!! CROBRA WAS THE ONLY ONE TO TURN TO THANKS TO YOU!!!
* Zhigu: You were not meant to be the Dracthon Warrior! I never said you were, and that wasn't my fault!
* Tei: Was it not?! (As he threw countless weapons at him) WHO RAN ME THROUGH RIGOROUS TRAINING AND LETS IT ALL GO TO WASTE?! WHO NEVER SPECIFIED WHAT GREATNESS I WAS SUPPOSED TO ACHIEVE?! WHAT WERE YOU PLANNING FOR MY DESTINYYYY?! (Zhigu fought him off)
* Zhigu: I WASN'T THE MASTER OF THE PALACE!! IT WAS NEVER MY DECISION TO MAKE!!
* Tei:... Well now it is! Crobra informed me of Uugwuey's demise! So, now it's time to make a decision! (He lashed the master stick at him and pinned him down) GIVE, ME, THE SCROLL!!
* Zhigu: "(Gags), You made yourself too unworthy for the scroll now!"
* Tei: "OH SPARE US THE TECNECALITIES, ZHIGU?!" (He ends up snapping the stick as blossosom petals blew by as the two continued fighting with Tei being extremely brutal on him with his magic-enhanced martial arts)... (He set himself ablaze in magic fire and attacked) ALL THAT I DID, I DID TO MAKE YOU PROUD!!! HOW PROUD ARE YOU NOW, ZHIGU?! (He overwhelmed and burned him) HOW PROUD?!... **HOW, PROOOUUD?!** (He beat him down)... (He stops burning)
* Zhigu:... I... I was always proud of you... From the very beginning.... And that was the problem.... My pride blinded me. I loved you and Crobra too much to see what you both were doing to each other.... What I... was turning you into... I... Have no one to blame... But myself.... And... I'm sorry.
* Tei:...... (Growls and chokes him) I DON'T WANT YOUR SORROW!! I WANT THE BLASTED SCROLL!! (Finds it gone)... What?!... (Slams Zhigu on the ground) WHERE IS IT?!?
* Zhigu:... The Dracthon Warrior has taken the scroll half way across the land by now! AHK!! SO, YOU'LL NEVER SEE IT, TEI!!! NEVER!!!
* Tei: GRRRRRRRGH!!!!! YOU INSOLENT FOOL!! (Draws his claws)
* ???: HEY! (Tei turns around to see Pho panting) Stairs...
* Tei: Who are you?
* Pho; Buddy... I am... The Dracthon Warrior...
* Tei: You? Him?! He's a Coonda! You're a Coonda! What are you gonna do, big guy? Sit on me? (Laughs)
* Pho: Don't tempt me... no, I just wanted to bring you this. (Holds the Dracthon Scroll) You want it? Come and get it.
* Tei: "Eh, I'll do this instead. (Punches Pho out and grabs the scroll!)"
* Suddenly Pho rebounded off a column and sent him flying back, taking the scroll back, much to his surprise.
* Pho was surprised by this as well, as he entered a confident battle stance, doing Kung Fu noises.
* Tei: ".... Okay fatso, TIME FOR AN EXTREME CASE OF LIPOSUCTION?! (Charges snarling?!)"
* Pho and Tei fight over the scroll, tumbling down the stairs, even with Pho squashing Tei with his butt at one point.
* (Icky): "Yeeeeh, I always cringe yet feel amused by that part!"
* The two fight for a while until Tei wears Pho down enough to get the scroll.
* Tei: Finally... the power, of the Drachton Scroll... is... MINE! (Opens the scroll)
* Nothing happens for a while......
* Tei: "...... WHY THE FUCK THE SCROLL'S DOING NOTHING?!"
* Pho: "..... Well, ya see, that's because it's part of a cheesy symbolisum that is basicly saying that the inner power is you."
* Tei: "...... OH CONFOUND THAT OLD REPTILE AND HIS CHEESY CRYTPIC BULLSHIT?! (Tosses the scroll away) I THREW AWAY THE LIFE I ONCE HAD, PRACTICALLY TOOK AWAY LIVES IN SOME FORM OR ANOTHER, FOR IT ALL TURN OUT TO BE THAT UUGWUEY WAS JUST OUT OF HIS MIND?!"
* Pho: "Or maybe..... You just don't understand what he meant by this...."
* Tei: "WHAT?! WHAT EXACTLY IS THE POINT OF A PIECE OF REFECTIVE PAPER?!"
* Pho: Hey, don't worry. I didn't get it the first time either. There is no secret to limitless power...... it's just you. (Tei performs a nerve attack on Pho, to no effect, as he giggles) That tickles! (Tei keeps trying) Stop it! I'm gonna pee!
* Tei: "WHAT THE HELL?! THIS NERVE ATTACK USUALLY WORKS?! WHY ISN'T IT WORKING?! (Hits Harder!)"
* Pho: No, don't! Don't!
* Suddenly, Tei hits Pho hard enough for the power to rebound and hits Tei into a column. The two fights for a while until he knocks Tei into a building.
* Tei: THAT'S IT!! (Runs toward Pho, who tightens his muscles enough to bump him off his belly into the air, and Tei comes crashing down) You... can't... defeat me. (Crawls out, clearly exhausted) You shouldn't've even GOT this far?! You... you're just a big... fat... Coonda! (Goes to attack him, but Pho grabs his finger)..... OH NOW WHAT?!
* Pho: I'm not a big fat Coonda… I'm THE big fat Coonda.
* Tei: HOW IS THAT ANY-- (Pho raises his pinky).... OHHHHHHHH SHIT?! NOT THAT?! ANYTHING BUT THAT?!
* Pho: Oh, you know this hold?
* Tei: NO! YOU'RE BLUFFING! ZHIGU NEVER TAUGHT YOU THAT!
* Pho: Nope. I figured it out... Skadoosh! (Flexes his pinky)
* Tei: ".... Aw fuck me right in the-"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

## Transcript

   **Intro Theme (Kung Fu Fighting- Ceelo Green and Jack Black)**