Yandere Girl Takes You On A Date

Yandere Girlfriend takes her boyfriend on a nighttime date to the park.

## Transcript

Oh, there you are! What were you doing in the wardrobe? I was looking for you everywhere, and here you are. Were you playing Narnia? Anyway, that girl you were seeing... is no more, so I thought we could go for a picnic to celebrate. {laughs} Oh, I know! I'm excited too! You don't have to cry. I will always want to have cute dates with you. Always.

I thought we could go to the park and look at the birds, and I could hand-feed you strawberries while we sit on a cute blanket. Mm-hmm. Oh, that's okay. I have one I got from the Hello Kitty cafe. Yeah. I mean, I stole it. {laughs} Yeah. How does that sound? I said, how does that sound?

Yay! When? Well, I thought we could go now. Yeah! Mmm-hmm. I know it's 10PM, I- I thought it would be better to go at night because I can keep you handcuffed without random people thinking we are weird or not like other couples. {laughs} They just wouldn't get it. I will pack her things now then. Yay! {kissing}

Okay, I think that's everything. Now I just need you to get ready. Give me your wrists, my love. So pretty... So pretty... {cuffs locking} and give me a kiss, before I tape your mouth. {kissing} I love kissing you, angel. I wish I could kiss you all the time. Kiss so much, that our lips hurt. Kiss so much, that we start to bleed. {kissing}

But not tonight. Picnic tonight. There we go. You look so lovely. I will tie your shoes for you. I know if we went out in the daytime, everybody would be so jealous of me. To be seen with someone as perfect as you, my love. At first it feels funny, like I have won. But when other people look at you and long for you, it makes me sick.

I know I am the only one that can give you the life you deserve. Care for you every minute of every day. Protect you from the world. You're too good for them, and too precious for me to share. Come on baby, time to go. Let me fasten your coat. You just put your wrists through the front, and I will button around them. Now I can hold your hand as we walk!

This is the perfect spot. I came to the park yesterday and scoured it for the best date spot. Mm-hmm. Here we can see the whole of the lake, and all of the trees on the other side, and the swans still wander around late. Get comfy, my love. You have a lot of strawberries to eat. {laughs} Let me take the tape off. Promise you'll be good. Promise baby, you have to promise me. Nod.

You understand, right? Good baby. Good job. I know it stings, right? That's okay, I will make it better. {kissing} There, now open up. Do you want white, dark, or milk chocolate? Yeah, they are chocolate covered. I- I thought you liked chocolate? Yeah, I made them earlier for you. Yes, really! Now which kind do you want first? Okay.

Here you are, my love. The swans look so pretty at night, and all the water looks so sparkly with the moon shining on it. Oh, we're so lucky to have this place all to ourselves! Here, have another bite. Oh, my god! What is that over there? Is that- is that a ghost? Look over there, that- that white fog. Oh, it's a lady! Look, that lady over there is pulling someone along by a leash. {laughs]

See, she's not a ghost. No, she just has white hair, I guess. See? We aren't the only unusual couple. Oh baby, are you shivering? Let me cuddle you... I'll keep you warm, my love. Here, open your hands. Here are some seeds. Hmm? My pockets are full of seeds. Don't ask questions, just take them baby. Now you can feed the swans and ducks while I keep you warm. Hmm? What? Bread? Are you crazy? Oh, you can't feed the birds bread, baby. No, it's very bad for them! That's why my pockets are full of seeds. Mmm-hmm.

Wow, they really like you. They are so pretty. Oh, I wish I could keep them as pets. Would you like a pet, baby? Something to keep you company in the cellar while I'm gone? If you're good, maybe you can have one for your birthday or something. It would have to be something cute, like you, like a bunny, or a puppy, or a chinchilla. That would be so cute. Hmm? Sleepy? That's okay baby, you lean against me and fall asleep.

{Evalina begins singing *Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby*}

> *Nothing's gonna hurt you baby*
>
> *No one's gonna take you away from me*
>
>

Yes, you're safe here with me. Nobody is going to bother you. I made sure of it. Mmm-hmm. It's funny, if she could see you now here with me, she would regret ever laying eyes on my baby, wouldn't she? {laughs} Too bad you can't see much from the bottom of the lake. Shhh, got to sleep. You're safe, baby. You're safe.

## Fun Facts

### Remarks

* Evalina takes the listener on a date at 10PM. The listener previously ended a bad date with another woman at exactly 10PM in the previous episode.
* Evalina is correct; bread is very unhealthy for birds.

### Real-World References

* Narnia is a fictional realm from the novel series The Chronicles of Narnia.
* A chinchilla is a rodent and uncommon pet.
* Evalina sings *Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby* by Cigarettes After Sex.