James Kavolsky

**James Andrej Kavolsky** is a resident of Lower Duck Pond.

## **Biography**

### **Early life**

James insists he was born in Ljubljana, Slovenia in 1953, despite that at that point in time, that area was under control of the Federal People's Republic of Yugoslavia. He went through grade school and high school and, during his teen years, was something of a party animal, going to house parties, bonfire parties in the forest, and all manner of other social gatherings with his peers against their parents' knowledge.

### **Adult life**

Despite his hobbies of partying, drinking, and fooling around with cars, James took care to study when he could, and even got accepted into a medical school for college. After eight years of medical school, he got a license to practice medicine and became a pediatrician. Misfortune struck five years later when the medical school he went to was shut down for "gross negligence" and revealed as a scam. Now 35, with his medical license useless, he moved to Lower Duck Pond and became a fancy pigeon breeder.

In 2017, as an experiment, James started feeding one pigeon very fattening foods. He named this pigeon Big Charlie. Eventually, Big Charlie got too fat to fly, and James considered the experiment over, having learned nothing of particular value. In October of 2020, James decided to put Big Charlie on a diet since he was so unhealthy. When James tried switching him over to birdseed, the bird got upset, and escaped. Big Charlie eventually made it to the mall plaza, where he could swipe dropped cheeseburgers and milkshakes from trash bins all he likes.

Seeing Big Charlie leave him deeply upset James, and he swore off any more pigeon breeding. He decided to get a fresh start on everything and purchased a new house. He was also forced to buy a new car when the engine mounts on his van rusted through and the engine block fell straight out of the vehicle. These two sudden purchases, along with losing his pension plan, forced James to find a new job. So he dug up a few old recipe books, took out a substantial loan from the bank, and started "Kavolsky's Palatial Palate", a fancy sit-down restaurant, boasting a variety of roast meats and hors d'eouvres from a variety of cultures and time periods.

Within the first week of the restaurant being open, somebody accidentally knocked over the display tank of lobsters, and the lobsters escaped. After a few days, all the lobsters were caught, but were deemed unfit to be served due to injuries or weight loss. James decided it would be a great idea to have those lobsters be put to work in a special event where the lobsters would fight in a gladiator-style battle, and patrons would place bets on which lobsters would win. This sparked controversy on the grounds of animal cruelty and has hurt his public reputation.

## **Personality**

James is very friendly with other adults, and nearly always willing to listen to reason. He also has a creative mind, and is quick to suggest other solutions to problems.

His relationship with children and adolescents is a little different. While he frequently complains about the "gangs of juvenile delinquents" around the town who litter, loiter, and graffiti, he actually shows support for adolescents doing actually illegal activities like bonfire parties and hanging out in abandoned buildings, referring to kids who do these things as "young rascals". This is probably because he did the same things at that age and doesn't want to be a hypocrite.

## **Hobbies**

James likes tinkering with devices, both mechanical and electrical, just for fun.

## **Trivia**

* Because of his past as a pigeon breeder, James knows a lot about different types of birds.
* Even though he's lived in LDP and been speaking English for 32 years, he still messes up his grammar and diction sometimes.
* He is very patriotic about Slovenia and its culture and will get defensive if anyone insults it. Thankfully, nobody else in LDP knows enough about Slovenian culture to accurately insult it.
* He has a pet iguana named "Ichabod". He does not know the word "Iguana" and instead only ever refers to Ichabod as being a "Lizard".