BEATRICE

Hia FIENDS, your OLD MAGGOT-MISER, CREEPS, FEAR I mean HERE, just finishing up some HOLIDAY CHOPPING!  I bought Christmas stockings...with FEET STILL INSIDE THEM heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!  They're really TOE-RRIFIC.  And I also purchased a FESTERING-FABLE!  It's about a SLAYVON LADY who sells makeup to a shop-keeper, who has a TASTY-TIDBIT OF TERROR, I call...

A lady walked into a shop over in Chicago, Illinois, back in June of 1972 one day.  "Hello, miss, welcome!" the old shop-keeper greeted her kindly with a grinning-face from behind his counter.  "Hi sir.  Thank you" she said back with a smile and looked around the store.  "I would like to buy this necklace please, it's beautiful" the woman told the shop keeper, holding out a silver necklace to him.  "Ah, yes, it certainly is miss of course" he uttered, admiring it.  "I sell Avon.  I am an Avon lady" the lady told him, showing him her Avon bag.  "Oh really?  Well, may I purchase some makeup for my Wife please?" the store owner asked her.  "Yes sir" the Avon lady answered.  A few minutes later, the Avon lady left the shop with her brand new silver necklace on.  "Honey, I bought you some Avon makeup.  I hope you like it.  I also invited that Avon lady to join us for dinner tonight" the shop-keeper yelled back into a back room.  "Why, thank you, George and that will be nice.  I hope the makeup makes me look more lively at my age" an old woman yelled back from the room to him.

That evening, George and the Avon lady were back inside George's store together and both walked to the back room.  "So you and your Wife live here.  Very nice sir" the Avon lady said to him, seeing that the back room was a dining-room.  "Thank you Debbie.  Please sit down" he smiled at her and she sat at a dining room-table.  "Debbie, this is my Wife, Beatrice!" George introduced his wife to her as.  Beatrice came in from the little hallway.  "Thank you George and nice to meet you ma'am" Debbie thanked him then stood up and shook the old woman's hand, saying to her.  "Hello, Debbie, nice to meet you too thank you" Beatrice spoke to her with a white veil covering her face.  "Please excuse this veil.  My face does not look right" Beatrice professed.  Beatrice, Debbie and George all sat down at the table and Beatrice poured a glass of wine and gave it to Debbie.  "Oh, I understand ma'am.  Thank you for the wine" Debbie said gratefully.  "My pleasure miss.  George tells me you are one of those Avon ladies.  I enjoy your makeup!" Beatrice replied.  "Oh yes.  Thank you.  We have a quite a line of cosmetics" she giggled.  The three of them drank glasses of wine and Beatrice placed her glass underneath her vail and seemed to make a loud slurping noise.  "I am quite dry especially my bones" Beatrice added to George and Debbie.  George and Debbie laughed at her.  "Pardon me for asking, but can I please take a look at your face, ma'am?" Debbie wondered of Beatrice.  Debbie ate some of the pork on her plate then.  "Well, yes I suppose so.  You are a professional makeup lady dear" Beatrice agreed.  George gave a look of worry.  Beatrice pulled the white vail off of her face and Debbie's eyes grew bigger.

Beatrice was a living-dead zombie with a blackened-rotting-skull.  Her boney-mouth seemed to give an eerie grin.  She removed the white gloves that she wore and showed skeletal-hands of blackened-bones.  "I have been rather dead for five years now, Debbie and have tried drastically to keep up with looking beautiful" the skeleton of Beatrice moaned in her white dress.  "George and I get no company except for his customers dear" the zombie went on to Debbie with her decaying-eye-sockets staring directly at her.  Debbie got up and ran screaming out of the dim-lit place.

Well, BOILS AND GHOULS, I guess Debbie left at the ROT TIME.  But what dinner manners, she didn't even thank George and Beatrice for THE MAIN CORPSE ha-ha-ha-ha.  No wonder NO-BODY visits them GHOSTLY!  I personally think the INFRIGHTS to their suppers are SKELETONS OF FUN, even when there are NO BONES ABOUT IT.  Oh, wait, there are ON BEATRICE aha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!