How to Stay Big Money on YouTube

"*I'm Big Money Salvia, not Big Morality Salvia, so let's see how to pivot.*"
―Erik
How to Stay Big Money on Youtube is the 69th lesson of Internet Comment Etiquette. It was the first appearance of Uncle Dave. It was released on May 30, 2017.

## Summary

Erik explains that lots of advertisers aren't running ads on YouTube videos any more and it's harder to make money on YouTube. There are steps that must be taken to stay big money on YouTube.

### Step One: Ad-Friendly Content

The advertisers don't want to run ads on obscene or vulgar content, so YouTube has started to clamp down on these videos. Erik looks at a Pepsi ad and sees that it hasn't gotten many views on its own. Then he watches a Walmart ad, explains just how big Walmart is, and then dunks on them for having less subscribers than him.

### Step Two: Sponsorships!

With YouTube ad revenue being as dead as Roger Ailes  since YouTube videos are less ad-friendly than cable television, YouTubers have to find their own ads. Erik looks at his Nude Celebs for Free gmail account to see if there are any sponsors reaching out to him. He finds one for Zeki Smart Shorts, but he only wears blue jeans so he rejects their offer and sends them $20. Then he sends another sponsor request $20 and looks at some emails that are just people using his email address to order Jack in the Box. After that, Erik runs his own ad for Young Sheldon on CBS.

### Step Three: Scam Your Friends

Erik calls Jacksfilms on Skype and asks him if his credit card just beeped. He claims that all of the credit cards are beeping. Jack can't find the perforation on his card so Erik has him show it to the camera. Erik takes a screenshot, and Jack mistakes the screenshot sound for his card beeping. Then he has Jack show him the other side of the card and his Amazon password.

### Step Four: Merchandising

Erik runs an ad for the Salviaerik store and introduces the store's new manager, Uncle Dave.

### Step Five: Patreon

Erik explains that a Patreon is where fans give him money and sometimes he'll do extra stuff for them. He demonstrates this by sending a tweet to Ted Cruz for them. He plugs his Patreon, as well as the Patreons of Hot Dad and David Firth.

### Step Six: Twitter Money

Erik looks at the monetization features on Twitter. It looks too complicated so he just asks Notch to buy him a Whopper.

### Step Seven: Kickstarter Money

Erik decides to skip this step because he still hasn't made Erik Drinks Wine and Gets a Haircut after a year and three delays.

### Final Step: Do Nothing

The final step is not to worry about money and to create content. But then he gets more Patreon followers and sends another tweet to Ted Cruz.

Then Jack asks about his debit card so Erik takes a screenshot and audibly yells out "screenshot!" Jack mistakes this for a speaker in his card.

## Comments

*@tedcruz Need advice on how to be a greasy lil goblin fucktoy for an establishment that'll never respect you, while still taking their money*
- @commentiquette

*@tedcruz hey heard you got concave nipples and monks like to play them like a singing bowl*
- @commentiquette

*If I got served this at a bar the first thing I'd say is “Can you clean up all this fucking ice? There's ice everywhere you idiot." And then I'd take a sip of that crisp, refreshing Pepsi 1893 Cola and say "uhhh this tastes like shit" because let's be honest, Coke tastes better.
Anyway I sure hope Pepsi doesn't have some kind of digital advertising department that was tasked with producing this video because their next meeting is gonna get real awkward when they break the news that their $25,000 ad campaign was watched by like 100 people and 1500 paid bots from India. But hey who am I to say that Pepsi doesn't know how to spend their money? It's not like they just dropped a truckload of cash on a commercial to replace Dr. King with Dr. Kendall LOL and I think I speak for all of Youtube when I say "Looking forward to seeing your pre-roll ads again at the beginning of the next fiscal quarter you big dumb diabetes factory"*
- Erik

*You guys should do a commercial about how I saw an old man shit himself in the pet food aisle in one of your stores. I also saw an employee shit himself and blame it on a dog, and like three people believed him without questioning the logic of how a dog could shit in someone else's pants. But hey that's what you get when you go to walmart you gross fucks. Walmart might as well start selling pre-tied “farmer nooses” with all the good they're doing rural America. My favorite thing to purchase from a walmart is slipping the security guard 20 bucks so he'll let me take a shit in the dairy section while I'm on my lunch break from the Target that every Walmart is contractually obligated to share a parking lot with. Long story short wash your hands after shopping at walmart people because there is shit literally everywhere in those places. And don't worry Youtubers,
Walmart will have their ads back on this site quicker than you can say “Let me speak to your manager because I just watched him take a shit in front of my daughter"*
- Erik

*Hello,
As a Kickstarter connoisseur I'd appreciate if you can introduce my upcoming Kickstarter project.**https://zekiwear.com**Zeki Smart Shorts stylish, comfortable and the wireless device charging option ensures that always stay connected with family and friends.**Looking forward to hearing from you,
Mary*
- Mary

*Cool stuff thanks Mary, but I stopped wearing shorts because all my friends kept telling me I have lobster legs. I dunno what the hell that even means but I'm very self-conscious about it. If you guys ever come out with a Zeki Smart Bluejeans let me know because that's the only thing that makes my ass look good these days. Here's 20 bucks thanks for the sponsorship.*
- Erik

*@tedcruz ehh fuck you*
- @commentiquette

*@notch if this gets 500 retweets you gotta buy me a whopper*
- @commentiquette

*@tedcruz your face looks like whopper meat but only if a whopper could sweat nervously while expressing shame*
- @commentiquette

## Context

1. ↑ Roger Ailes was a right-wing media consultant that died shortly before this lesson was created.
2. ↑ At this point, Jack exclaims "me me big boy." A few months before this lesson, Jack used the phrase to annoy a telemarketer and it quickly became a meme.
3. ↑ Before this lesson was released, Pepsi made a commercial where Kendall Jenner interrupted a protest to offer the police line a Pepsi. It was poorly received.

## Video

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