Westfield Incident

The Westfield Incident was a momentous day for the Unicorn Warriors, part one in a two-part series of incidents which involved an awful lot of alcohol resulting in one of the Unicorn Warriors blacking out. The plan was as follows, have drinks in Valentines Park then head off to Westfield for a slap-up meal. The plan was achieved but there was one blip in this tale...

Ibrahim...

Drinking merrily in Valentines Park, in the area that Sean loved to smoke a spot of jibjab, the Unicorn Warriors were enjoying the summer afternoon with their vodka eagerly awaiting Ibrahim who was running late. Eventually Ibrahim arrived and with him a whole bottle of peach vodka given as a temporary parting gift by Valerie as she hurried to visit her sister in Portsmouth - now all united we drank and we drank - Ibrahim especially who downed almost an entire bottle in under 10 minutes. The Unicorn Warriors were in fact so drunk that they gave a shot to a complete stranger who was walking past. Finally, all the alcohol was consumed so the Warriors left the park to head off to the tube station. Ibrahim quickly dashed off and got a bagel and then re-joined, as we were all walking it become apparent, even in our drunken states that Ibrahim was, well, rather more intoxicated than the rest of the group. On the train to Stratford Ibrahim would begin shouting random nonsense and began to hug and kiss us in front of a very confused young teenager who was just curiously looking at us the entire time.

As we started walking into Westfield - all of us drunk looking out for Ibrahim - observed him spitting on the floor everywhere, pretending to steal from people and just generally shout things to members of the public. The rest of the Unicorn Warriors tried to stop him but it was no use. We got to the Food Hall and all went to get our exotic, tasty meals. Apart from Sean who went downstairs to purchase some McDonald's (and brought it back up to eat with us). As the Unicorn Warriors started tucking in we began to notice something wasn't quite right, Ibrahim was strangely quite and unresponsive. He spat on the floor and then just started to drool everywhere, all over his clothes and on the floor. His eyes were distant and his face didn't exhibit much emotion, as we tried to figure out what was happening vomit cascaded down from Ibrahim's mouth creating a huge thick pile. Sean, James, Zain and Raphael tried to comfort him during the ordeal - Raphael in particular having a special tactic - mumbling every few minutes "Are you okay?" and "It'll be alright" as he paid no real attention to anyone but his food. Everyone bar Raphael was put off from their food so he took everyone else's and happily chomped through it all during the increasingly distressing situation. Soon a lone security guard arrived to inspect what was happening, he took all our names and what we had drank. He was friendly enough after the formalities but soon after more Westfield security arrived - charging in like a hit-squad. They had an air of ego and a over inflating sense of self-importance and were very hostile in the manner in which they spoke. Threatening to put "him [Ibrahim] in a jail cell" and slammed Raphael for happily eating during the ordeal - "Are you going to help ya friend or ya just going to keep sitting there eating your wings?"

Later the NHS came bursting through but not in the authoritarian manner of the security team but one of respect and urgency for heir fellow man. They were all incredibly friendly and made the atmosphere a lot calmer. Sean infamously started telling one of the doctors that he should take his blood sugar level because after consuming alcohol it does tend to drop - the paramedic just smiled and said "How'd you work that one out Einstein?" or something to that effect. James, Raphael and Zain had a laugh with the doctor about Sean's comments. Ibrahim was then strapped into a chair and wheeled away out of the emergency exit like Hannibal Lector from Silence of the Lambs. It was later discovered from a reviving Ibrahim that he went knock-out drunk and his only memory was the park and then waking up in hospital. He said he remembered walking our of Valentines Park and then waking up in hospital like no time has passed - remarking he thought he might be dead and in some form of afterlife. Terrifying.

That concluded The Westfield Incident and was a lesson for all the Unicorn Warriors to drink responsibly.

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