Japitty Cumquat

**President General Colonel Japitty Cumquat** is an Australian micronational politician, musician and member of Chunk Records, as well as the supreme leader, president and mayor of Badu Park. Japitty Cumquat also considers himself to be a five star chef and world renowned author.

## Biography

#### Childhood

Japitty Cumquat was born in 1974. He was raised in Katoomba but migrated to the broadway shopping center when he was 10. Japitty attended Killarney High School. As a child Japitty Cumquat was considered academically challenged but was talented at history and geography. One of his former teachers made the comment: 'its almost like he can turn up his intelligence at will'. Japitty was known to frequently pass tests although displaying no knowledge of the subject. At school he was actually quite popular with his peers taking on a sort of class clown persona. Japitty was known to the head faculty as a constant trouble maker and consistent truanter. Japitty had earned this reputation by doing things such as: causing fires in the boys bathroom, shutting off power to the school, constantly defecating in rubbish bins, stealing teachers keys, bashing and taking other kids lunches, throwing eggs at teachers, causing structural damage to the school, smoking in class and terrorising kids on the bus, as well as other. Japitty at one point had been suspended for a whole term for trying to steal a faculty member's car. He somehow passed years 11 and 12.

#### International Travel & First job

Japitty Cumquat took a year off in 1991 to go travelling. He planned to go travelling to Libya (Gaddafi's Libya) and Kuwait (during the Gulf War). He landed in Libya and proceeded to take photos of sensitive military sites and was subsequently detained by the Mukhabarat el-Jamahiriya and questioned. After realizing that trying to get Cumquat to give a coherent statement was pointless, they exiled him from the country. He was barred from entering Kuwait due to the fact it was an active warzone, despite his numerous attempts to pose as a journalist to fraudulently gain admittance. In 1992 Japitty landed his first job as an accountant for Westpac. He was hired because he lied on his resume, stating that he had a doctorate in mathematics (even though he can't even count to 5). He was despised by his boss who stated "Japitty Cumquat is the worst worker i have ever seen". Japitty was known for showing up 3 hours late, in a tank top and speedo shorts with no shoes on and use the toilet for an hour only to go back to his desk, do about a minutes worth of work (sending one email to his boss asking why it was so cold) and then going home. He was fired after about a month after he set fire to a pile of rubbish outside the office.

#### Musical career

After being fired Japitty Cumquat was homeless, however he was offered an apartment free of charge by a man named Philippe Von Batman, providing Japitty ate the rats that were infesting the apartment. Japitty would later introduce Phillippe to his friend and ex work colleague, Hummus McDonnell, who would recruit Phillippe into the micronational community. Around this time, Japitty became fascinated with the idea of music, claiming it was "like smelling through your ears". In 1995, Japitty started a band called 'Japitty's Secret Diary', where he wrote "edgy emo rock songs" about his life in Katoomba. The band consisted of Japitty, his childhood friend and fellow micronational Cheezit McDaniels and Japitty's roommate at the time, Allan. In 2005, the band's name was changed to 'Japitty's Not-So-Secret Diary' after Allan reportedly read Japitty's diary. The next day it was changed for a final time to "Shitting Addict" because of Japitty's addiction to defecation. The band dissolved 3 weeks after. The band had only three songs and one mixtape, throughout its 10 year existence which are listed in order of release: "Katoomba", "Please Leave I Am Doing Cocaine", and "Add Adult to Injury (A Love Song to My Dearest Allan)". Add Adult to Injury was reportedly written by Japitty because Allan read his diary and found a note were Japitty described in great detail his disdain for Katoomba, and Japitty thought it would be funny to write a love song to Allan as a way to get back at him. Japitty never had romantic interest in his roommate Allan.

After the band dissolved, Japitty found an interest in classical music. In 2015, he pirated a copy of Fruity Loops 2 (which was released in 1998), however he failed to use it because the emulator required to use the software was no longer compatible with the new version of Yosemite for macOs at the time. He eventually downloaded Garageband and began his classical music career, writing only one song, "the Badu Park National Anthem" in 2018. Japitty has since been inactive in his music career.

Japitty's music career has widespread negative reception. He was never allowed to perform his songs live, however he usually forced his way into public spaces to play recordings of his songs from his iPod Touch. He was assaulted many times during these performances, purely because of the extreme negative affect his music had on those who listened.

#### Rule of Badu Park

Japitty Cumquat became the President General Colonel of Badu park in 2019 after years of living with Phillp Von Batman and Allen. Cumquat became the President General Colonel of Badu park after being exiled from Parramatta road for selling dangerous products, the product in question was raw untreated water from the Cooks River (which contained very high levels of industrial chemicals). Japitty Cumquat was selling the water as a miracle cure for every disease known to man. The water was responsible for the hospitalisation of the President General Colonel as well as the five customers he sold the water to. Japitty now lives in Badu Park, and assaults anyone who tries to go in. He bought his uniform off of Amazon. His rule has been described as "ultra authoritarian" and "largely ineffective". He is considered the most authoritarian dictator within the Inner West micronational community. Japitty has used his armed forces to repeatedly attack civilians, Inner West Council workers, as well as other micronational leaders within the Inner West.

## Japitty's Works

Japitty Cumquat considers himself to be a world renowned author. He has written over 60 books (most are only one page, with almost illegible sentences). Some of his most 'popular' works include: 'My Plight: The formation of the Revolutionary State of Badu Parkian Cities and my Conquest of John Cumquats Room and the Weapons Diversion Incident of 2020', in this book (which is only 2 pages) he mostly details how he plans to defecate on the floor at Camperdown 7-11. The book is the manifesto of the Inner West Park Annexation Movement. He considered the work to be an equivalent of Mao's Red Book, and the Communist Manifesto. Another one of his 'popular' works is 'The Ethical, Natural, Medical and Religious Reasons why the Badu Park People created the People's Navy, and Sailor Bjorn's loyalty to Japitty's assault on Australia', within this book he mainly details how the dirt in Badu Park is brown and why wants to attack John Cumquat. A third work of his is "Japitty's Manifesto of Cooking" which is a cook book containing only two recipes, "Wet pasta" which is just uncooked pasta in a bowl of water, and "Baked beans and egg pizza". His works are usually well received in Badu Park, however in the majority of Australia his 'books' are universally despised. One of the most famous critique of his book 'The Ethical, Natural, Medical and Religious Reasons why the Badu Park People created the People's Navy, and Sailor Bjorn's loyalty to Japitty assault on Australia', was by Harvard McDonnell, in which McDonnell stated: 'you can barely read this garbage' and 'i hate it, it is an insult to authors everywhere'. Harvard McDonnell was subsequently attacked by Cumquat.

## Discography

The discography of Badu Parkian leader Japitty Cumquat consists of one self released 'mixtape', and 3 singles (not including 1 as a featured artist).

### 'Mixtapes'

 Japitty's Secret Diary, The Mixtape (a love letter to my dearest Allen and fuck Katoomba)
* Labels: N/A
* Formats: Cassette