Headhunters 5: The Tenacious Ten

## Introduction

Nothing hurts Moore than being killed by the one you loved most.

## In Memorium: What Hurts Moore?

Like the killers in the Scream franchise, it's "Always somebody you know." In this case, the slasher in this horror movie was none other than former Packer Davante Adams, who felled the Green Bay fan in a shocking MNF collapse.

For most of the weekend, it wasn't looking like What Hurts Moore was hurting at all. At various points, Commish, Obi-Wan, and Bye Diggs were all projected far lower than the rest of the league. While most of Henry VIII's team performed average or below, they were somewhat saved by 10 catches from Evan Engram. And even though C.J. Stroud, who What Hurts inexplicably paid $256 for, was performing under expectation, Jalen Hurts and NYJ defense was surging in the 1pm window and looked to be bailing this team out. Both squads seemed safe for week 8.

That left Obi Wan - with Detroit Defense - and Bye Diggs - with DJ Moore - to battle it out. And when DJ Moore performed just okay, not great, it really looked as if Detroit defense was going to decide who got chopped.

And in a way it sort of did. Jimmy GaroppoBlow made like Tyrod Taylor's lungs and completely collapsed, completing just a single catch to Davante Adams all night. Mind you, this was on SEVEN targets. One target reminded me of Jimmy G's Super Bowl overthrow as he had Davante wide open for a 40+ yard touchdown and missed him by a mile. I haven't seen someone be that far off on a target since Scotty bid $101 on Justice Hill. Davante needed to just not suck. Instead, he couldn't even muster the strength to suck.

The saddest part of all was that Courtland Sutton was left on the bench, with his impeccable PPG. Sutton outscored five members of the starting lineup, including more points than all his starting RBs and TEs combined. For all the boasting of how great this man was, What Hurts only started him one time in eight weeks.

As always, injury played a hand in this chopping. Darren Baller could not have come up Darren Smaller, leaving with an early hip injury and still somehow leading the Giants in receiving yards on the day with 4 whopping yards. Tre McBride should have been named Dies McBride because he rode the pine with ten catches, enough fantasy points to have won Moore the day even if he had started him in the Superflex spot over Stroud and kept Darren in the TE position.

It was also a bad day for Smiles Sanders, who has no choice but to grin and bear it because if you're not laughing you're crying and that's exactly what I want to do every time I watch him run.

Ultimately, twas Coach Tebo Wheelin' and Dealin' that slayed the trade beast. He traded DJ Moore for, in part, Gardner Minshew. But then he dropped Minshew and played out the ass for C.J. Stroud. With no money, no DJ Moore, and no good QBs, he had somehow done the reverse thing of that lady who turned a paperclip into a Porsche on Ebay by just trading up for slightly better things.

Though the 4am trade proposals have come to an end, the memories will live on forever. I hope Courtland Sutton finds a good home with a loving owner who will start him instead of trying to sell him like animal meat. You're finally free, Courtland, you're finally free.

What Hurts Moore?:

## Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022 v 2023)

Nice improved run for Moore after falling each of the last two seasons.

## Dead Money

Keeping track of all the cash that never got spent by teams that are now eliminated.

Dead Money 2023

Moore left us with just $43 in his pocket.

## Top New Releases

1. Courtland Sutton
2. Courtland Sutton
3. Courtland Sutton
4. Courtland Sutton
5. Courtland Sutton

## Week Eight Bidding Results

### Quick-Hit Thoughts

* Last Year's Most Expensive Player: Patrick Mahomes - $370 (Hasta Laviska Baby)
* Biggest Overpay: C.J. Stroud ($138 over next highest bid - What Hurts Moore?)
* Narrowest Margin of Bid Victory: Bijan Robinson ($4 over next highest bid - Bad Boys II)
* Christian Watson went from cocsting $55 on 10/18 to being picked up for free by Müller Lite in week 8, and I'm not even sure he's worth that.
* Obi-Wan was saved this week by a pair of players that nobody else even bid on. For $4, Obi-Wan got Detroit Defense (31) and Darrell Henderson Jr. (13.58).
* After lying dormant for a while, it was nice to see Headless Horsemen back in action. They had been low on funds, but the league has since caught back up to them and they were able to make some moves in week eight.
* Tough to argue with the CeeDee bid after he had such a huge week, but $187 seems like a lot for Monty to bid on a WR. That is, until you realize that this team was still starting Joshua Palmer.

## Excessive Spend

Excessive spend is anything over a single dollar more than the next highest bid for the player you won, and does not take into account the talent level or value of the player.

Bad Boys II with a very impressive excessive spend number, having almost depleted their entire budget through eight weeks. They somehow have overspent by less than 10%.

## Money Spent Per Week

Season 5 just became the first year where over $1000 was spent each of the first eight weeks.

## Week Eight Results

* Biggest Climber: Monty's Python (^7)
* Biggest Faller: Extra Tight Ends/Henry VIII (v6)

Good comeback week for Monty, while ETE has their worst performance since week 1.

## Draft Dodgers

Three of the top five picks have been eliminated in the last four weeks.

## Kings of the Castle

### 1. Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack

Will face the closest thing to a "test" in week 9 with no LaPorta or CMC, but they are so stacked that they are offloading bench talent that I would be starting in an eight team league. That could just be due to me sucking at fantasy and KVR being the smartest person I've ever met. Hard to say.

### 2. Never Done This Before

This team has hung in there very well, and got a huge boost with Will Levis (50 surprise points). Jahmyr Gibbs has finally arrived, making that $501 investment almost seem worth it. Gibbs will just have to continue doing that for the next two months. This team may be out of money, but now that we're at 10 teams, there is enough waiver talent to get back into the streaming game at any position. Amazingly, this team is still going strong.

### 3. Jeff Probst' Tribe

All around great performance. The only starter who did not beat projection was Keenan Allen, who still managed a respectable 16.50. Unfortunately we have to Kendrick Mourne this week because Bourne is Dead. With Amon-Ra/Russell Wilson on the bye, the Tribe is going to have to hope Heart Attack Mac Jones and Tyler Allgears No Fears is up to the task of holding down the fort.

### 4. Monty's Python

Huge gamble this week. Russell Wilson and Jared Goff are both on the bye, and Joshua Dobbs has lost his starting job (guess they should call him Doshua No Jobbs). That leaves exactly zero starters on the roster. Python traded away Russ for Danny Dimes, who is hopefully back from his neck injury. But that still leaves the position very thin for week 9, and they are also without Aiyuk, Kittle, and (for what it's worth since he's been injured) David Montgomery. This is the scariest week yet for the snake. ***UPDATE: Dobbs to Minnesota definitely helps, but I'm not taking out my amazing Jobbs joke. Fuck you.***

### 5. Headless Horsemen

Back from bye, QBs are carrying the team, with Joe Cool and Dak Impresscott combining for nearly 100 points. That made up for the Halloween tricks that HH had to deal with, like the ghost of Jakobi Meyers and the RB of the living dead named Aaron Jones. They may be from Sleepy Hollow, but it looks like Headless Horsemen isn't tired of Headhunters just yet. They are performing amongst the top expansion teams (non-season 1 managers) of all time.

## On the Chopping Block

### 10. Bye Diggs my RIP for sure-oh

There are the haves (Bad Boys, ETE, Monty) and the have-nots. Bye Diggs is the poster child of the have-nots. Diggs has spent over 64% of their budget. Of that, $328 was on QBs who are no longer on the team, and $85 was on defenses that are no longer on the team. However, Bye Diggs has pulled off two trades, one for DJ Moore and one for Rashaad White. Both players could prove crucial in the survival of the premiere have-not in the league.

### 9. Obi-Wan Mahomie

Patrick Mahomes could not have tried harder to send Obi-Wan home. On his last drive he got sacked twice and threw a pick. Chris Olave tried to do his part too, getting pulled over for going over the speed limit and then showing up on Sunday to go under the fantasy projectionl limit. Matt Stafford, desperate for a change in scenery, smashed his hand over and over against the defender's helmet until finally McVay saw enough and pulled him. But Obi-Wan used his force powers (kinda cheating) and kept his season alive.

### 8. Henry VIII

Speaking of have-nots...Henry Has-Not finished in the top five very often this season. Even though they have slowly improved every week, they have yet to bring in a true stud to anchor the team. Their best player has been Jordan Addison, and now he has nobody to throw to him. With Brock Purdy on the bye, Henry has to turn to...gulp...Jimmy Garoppolo at QB. It's scary hours.

### 7. Extra Tight Ends

Decided to start two QBs for the first time this year and look where it landed him. Both at least beat projection, but Kirk Cousins was lost in the process. I guess it wasn't the best week to start Zach Wilson over DeAndre Hopkins.

### 6. Müller Lite

The most amazing part of this team is that Logan Thomas isn't dead yet. The other shocker is that they had five players below projection and still finished 6th. They lose the Kirk, Etienne couple in week 9 so once again they have to do the bye dance.

## Unique Players Started

How many unique players (Defense included) were started by each team. The table can be sorted by players and also by week eliminated.

## Rulers of the Kingdom

2023 first place finishers:

Before kickoff, Bad Boys predicted a 300-pt day. They didn't hit that, but they came close and had the best performance of 2023 in the process.

## Dungeon Dwellers

2023 teams that finished second-to-last, narrowly avoiding elimination:

Last week I guaranteed 154 wouldn't cut it for long, and sure enough the team that went home scored 158 this week. Sorry...this EEEEK.

## Single Season Scoring Records

As teams get eliminated, their single season performance will appear here. Bolded lines indicate performances from the current season.

What Hurts Moore almost has the same campaign as in 2021.

## All-Time Combined Points Scored

Same as above: eliminated teams will have their 2023 season added to the total. Bolded lines indicate that the record has been updated through 2023.

The game is on. Can anyone touch 11,795 points in 2023? Odds are no, but Tee Diggs at least has an outside chance, if they managed another championship appearance.