Supastank

By Agustian Noor.

## Heiress to the Stank Dynasty

When an old man told Honey Bush that she was the last heiress to the ancient Czech fighting style called the "Stank Dynasty,”her interest was peaked. However, she suspected the old man was actually trying to trick her into giving up the location of the TV signal pirating station she used to intercept broadcasts from the Preservation so she ignored him until he went away.

Later, he returned and admitted he'd lied to her, to which she replied she already knew because his story made no sense. Regardless, he offered to train her in the ways of the blade in exchange for some television watching time with her on occasion. She agreed, fully embracing her place in the Stank Dynasty and adopting the name: "Supastank.”

Later, when the man stole her TV signal pirating equipment, she left Hiawatha for the free TV-watching society of the Preservation.

## Combat Abilities

Despite having little experience, Stank's natural pluckiness and brute naivete serve her well in conflict. Years of solar panel installation on dangerous construction sites have given her a great sense of balance and a keen eye for recognizing a lack of it in others. She has transformed this particular skill into her special attack, the Diplow, a powerful sweep kick.

In addition, the sword which she got from the old man has a touch of otherworldliness as well and she's able to disturb large patches of water with its alien properties. This “water shield” is little more than a spectacle but is impressive nonetheless.

## Anti-Entropy

Though not by her design, Supastank's involvement in any situation frequently ends in a nonsensical or annoying complication of the given scenario. Kaustisch is the first person to observe this phenomena scientifically. He speculates there is an "anti-entropic field" which is attached to or emanating from Supastank. The reason is unknown but Supastank herself appears mostly immune to its effects.

## Fight History

##### GOLDEN AGE: SEASON 1

THE STANK DYNASTY: SUPASTANK V. FOOT 3

After Bootur stole Supastank's TV, she immigrated to the P.Z. to get access to their unlimited binge-watching excellence. If she couldn't get her TV-signal pirating equipment back from Bootur, she could at least pick up her whole life and move to another country where they had TV.

When she reached the border, they told Supastank she would have to fight in the arena to pay for her citizenship! Stank agreed quickly. This way, she'd get back the hours of programming she'd lost AND have a chance to practice swinging around the sweet black sword Bootur had left where her TV had been: THE SWORD OF LIES.

Her first fight was vs FOOT 3, grandson of the LEGENDARY BAN CHAN CHOU. Supastank became the first fighter to register 300 hits overnight, an action so stanky it actually affected our universe - the websites hit counters broke and weren't restored until a week later. Despite her amazing surprise sweep-kick super move (A PERFECT DIPLO!), Foot 3 still managed to win the fight 746 - 511.  A hard fought victory for Fistfoot - or so he thought!

Stank's anti-entropy powers intervened. Somehow, the announcer misread the results and Supastank was declared the winner!  Rather than have the newly reinstated fights disgraced, the behind-the-scenes organizer The Waiting Room decreed that the results stand. SUPASTANK WINS DESPITE NOT WINNING!  Supastank - (1- 0)

STANKIN' UP THE UNIVERSE: SUPASTANK V. EL MARIACHI

Having won the fight, Supastank was allowed to stay in the Preservation as a citizen. She thoroughly enjoyed her new life and descended into a media-consuming showhole that lasted for days. After a while, Stank needed some exercise so she grabbed her sword and headed out. Before long, she encountered a guitar-playing burrito salesman who "looked at her funny." Their ill-begotten conversation deterioriated into a squabble...a squabble which upset the balance of the entire space-time continuum.

When Supastank's Sword of Lies contacted El Mariachi's electromagnetically cursed guitar, it created a pinhole in space-time which connected the Oakwood Universe to the long dead universe of Abbottville.

The immediate results of weakening the temporal integrity of existence by piercing the dimensional veil were hardest felt by Supastank, who dropped to her knees from dizziness. This gave El Mariachi the moment he needed to deliver a solid punch to the face, ending the fight.

MAXIMIZE CAPITALIZE: SUPASTANK V. KAUSTISCH

The organizers are pleased. Word of the new fights has spread. Spectators and potential fighters alike are appearing and it seems a return to the glory days of Scottsdale Stadium may be attainable. In fact, the Scrapyard is looking so nice after the renovations it's been renamed Scrapyard Stadium. To officially christen the new name of the venue, a particularly exciting round of fights has been advertised. Impressed by her fight with the Fistfoot, the organizers have welcomed Supastank back to face a newcomer calling himself Legend.

Before Supastank's match with Legend begins, Kaustsich appears demanding to know where she found her sword, "the instrument of total universal anarchy." Supa tells Kaustisch it's none of his business and they prepare to have an impromptu match.

In an unexplained turn of events, Kaustisch's new machinery malfunctions, leaving him completely vulnerable to Supastank's brutal attack. Kaustisch receives major wounds and retreats, soundly defeated.

SO OBVIOUS: SUPASTANK V. LEGEND

After dispatching Kaustisch, Supastank prepares for her officially scheduled match of the evening. Her challenger is a new-comer who just showed up. His fighting style is eerily efficient and practiced. He claims memories of many life-times and has celtic tattoos.

The organizers had planned this match to be a warm-up for the crowd. Having seen Supastank fight before, they judged her abilities to be adequate but nothing special. On the other hand, Legend was presenting a story of multiple lives and spouting such nonsense they suspected he would end up as a disappointment as well.

They could not have been more wrong. The power Legend unleashed on Supastank was clearly nonhuman. After the first blow, everyone assumed her dead. Not so, Supastank rallied hard, drawing on a hitherto unseen power of unnatural force. The two had an epic battle (hits numbering in the millions!), which completely destroyed Srapyard Stadium. The organizers themselves had gotten a taste of Supastank's anti-entropy field as their slick new venue was dashed to dust.

In the end, Supastank stood victorious over Legend in a pile of rubble.

After the fight, Legend admitted Supastank had impressed him and offered to train her. Despite having won the match, Supastank agreed to become Legend's apprentice.

CHAOS IS KING #3: SUPASTANK / LEGEND V. APSU / DeCERVANTES

Supastank and Legend destroyed the stadium last month in FIGHT 17: SO OBVIOUS. This time, they fights are in a new location, way off in the desert beneath the shadow of a small mountain-sized rock in the distance that always looks like it’s about to fall over.

The music of Scrapyard Stadium has been replaced with distant howls of desert animals and the sound of the flickering tiki torches and barrel drum fires.

As penalty for destroying the stadium in their last fight, Legend and Supastank are forced to fight on "the back lot," away from the main stage. They will face Apsu and Decervantes in their first tag match. Circumstances are a bit strange. It doesn't really look like a proper fight and it's weird that the people's champion Apsu wouldn't even have a crowd, but who is she to ask questions of the organizers who have given her so much money to appear here tonight?

It's a good thing no one was around to see this one. Stank's training with Legend over the last few weeks has given her a serious killer instinct. Immediately after the fight begins, Supastank goes way too hard and accidentally kills DeCervantes. Legend, horrified by the actions of his pupil, calls the match immediately.

FINGERS OF INDIFFERENCE: KAUSTISCH V. SUPASTANK

Supastank was banned from the fights and scheduled to stand trial for her murder of DeCervantes...until she's suddenly told she is to fight Kaustisch in the main arena during the next fight night. Willie tells her they had a change of heart and that maybe the killing was an accident like she says.

Even Supastank is smart enough to put together that something doesn't sound right, but she'll gladly face Kaustisch again instead of going to jail. After all, she chopped him up in two seconds flat last time.

The events of the night prove alarming. Supastank watches in confused horror as Blight completely incinerates Legend with some kind of super-energy blast, then is told she must jump directly into the ring with Kaustisch after hardly any delay.

Supastank prepares her sword, which "remembers your flesh, Kaustisch." Kaustisch drops his cloak, revealing the near-total healing of his wounds. "Mine has forgotten." This time, the fight goes as Kaustisch planned. With his new injectirs operating as he planned, he's able to dodge her paltry strikes and deliver a dehibilitating psychadelic agent which drops Supastank into a coma from which she will not wake for several years.

##### COMATOSE

While asleep, Supastank has flashbacks and flashforwards to many events in the Oakwood timeline. Kaustisch keeps her under observation in an effort to understand her anti-entropy powers and to study the Sword of Lies he took from her.

Kaustisch is pleased to learn Supastank talks in her sleep. Through her dream-like ramblings, she offers many potential insights; however, none are so potent as her warning of the approaching attacker she calls "the crybaby."

##### GOLDEN AGE: SEASON 4

MESOPOTAMIAN: KAUSTISCH V. SUPASTANK

Following the Tarbaby's assault on humanity, AT forces locate Supastank in her comatank in Kaustisch's laboratory. They revive her and, surprisingly, return her sword. It's then that Supastank sees the man who's face has haunted her during this long sleep. Kaustisch stands among AT troops, beckoning her to attack.

The troops clear a space, and Supastank finally slays the man who imprisoned her in her own dreams. With his final words, Kaustisch laughs and says: "a gift for you." In exchange for dispatching Kaustisch, a treasonous enemy of the AT, the higher-ups forgive her for abandoning her post in Hiawatha and offer her a new position...

##### GOLDEN AGE: SEASON 5

WHY SO STANK? SUPASTANK V. BELLADONNA

Supastank is an agent of the American Territories now, an enforcer with her own squad of troops, a black jacket, her sword, a nice place to stay and everything. It's a pretty amazing job. Her bosses even gave her a pair of sweet sunglasses that let her watch TV all the time. She finally feels like the true heiress to the Stank Dynasty.

One day, she is assigned to investigate subversion in Ponto Central. She encounters a vaguely familiar young woman who's growing illegal plantlife. When Supastank tries to arrest her, Belladonna knocks Supastank's glasses off and offers a warning about them. Supastank freaks out, ordering her troops to subdue Bella who she takes into custody.

After the fight, she ignores Bella's warning and continues on wearing her TV glasses.

CATATONIC LEADER: BLIGHT V. SUPASTANK

Blight comes looking for something Supastank owns. Blight says she needs to know but Supastank has no idea what she's talking about. They go toe-to-toe but Blight sends the strongest enforcer in Ponto Central and all of her troops packing. Stank, in a panic after having her glasses stolen, goes back to Alpine to get another pair. She debriefs her bosses on the encounter with Blight, drawing their attention to the existence of the retrovirus. Blight is declared an emminent threat. If Blight's nanoculture has even a shred the power of the Tarbaby's, she must be eliminated...."Humanity cannot afford another genocide."

## Trivia

Supastank's fatal flaw is her recklessness, clumsiness and inculpability.