Jake

The leader of Weed Patrol and rival of Rob, Jake is a mighty lumberjack who comes from the past. With one of the most powerful stand abilities in the universe, Jake is equal to Rob in power. Though he technically leads Weed Patrol, he doesn't do much other than tell the others to kill themselves when they fall out of line. Sarcastic, blunt, and eternally salty, Jake is a free spirit who wanders the universe with his allies to discover the secrets to his own existence. Donning the same sweater no matter how hot he gets, he poses both a threat and a source of aid to the Divine Kingdom of Dank.

### Backstory

Jake was formerly a metrosexual lumberjack and defender/destroyer of the forest ever since he killed danny devito and became the lorax that protects New Cybertron's(then called earth)forests. Jake discovered his stand, "fuck the police", when his life was in danger while getting bullied by squirrels. He used its time-traveling ability to escape, but before he found out that he could only go *forward* in time. When he figured this out, he became the most amounts of salty, and just started wrecking everyone's shit. He just so happened to have appeared in the middle of the Great War. During the war, he discovered his persona, dank memezanagi, and proceeded to become even more deadly. Luckily for The Divine Kingdom of Dank, he mostly stuck to killing Bad Boys. Due to this, before he could even figure out what the hell was going on, he was already a vessel for The Based God. Only when he was appointed to the great council alongside the other war heroes did he find out what had happened, which only served to enhance his salt. In anger, he left, and the rest of what would become Weed Patrol followed him...for some fucking reason. He tried to get them to fuck off, but they just wouldn't because hey, this shit needs a plot. As he wanders the galaxies, occasionally stopping so he can fuck with the Rob Squad, he still wears the sweater he was wearing the day he came to the future, as a memoir of his past. The day he casts it off is the day when he is ready to fully let go, and release his future into the hands of fate.

### Abilities

Only after coming to the future and fighting in the Great War did Jake receive cybernetic enhancement, but he was/is still deadly without it. His stand is called "fuck the police", and has the ability to create portals within a half-mile radius, and has detachable body parts, which are mostly used to attack enemies through his portals. The portals can also send whatever enters them as far into the future as Jake wants, but the longer the amount of time traveled, the longer the portals take to open. Dank memezanagi, Jake's persona, is extremely offense-focused. It uses all elements to attack, and is also powerful physically. However, its defense is lacking, and it has no means of healing or buffing. Jake himself has a large number of offensive weapons, and is augmented to have artillery weapons and a large amount of melee options(which he refer to collectively as his "adult toys"), as well as various other miscellanious weaponry, such as grenades and various chemical attacks. His based form is truly terrifying, as his portals are created almost instantly, and his array of elemental attacks exceed that of the most experienced Wizards. His ultimate attack is a massive, focused wave of pure energy, which he has dubbed simply: "the semen." And I think we can all agree on the pure level of hype that the name alone induces. Jake is easily the equal of Rob in terms of power, an impressive achievement on its own. The battle against the Bad Boys would be much harder without him, but it would be nice to not have to deal with all the beard tentacles touching the Rob Squad all over.

### Role in Weed Patrol

Weed Patrol isn't so much a team or organization as it is a collection of weird assholes who do things sometimes. And Jake is truly the weirdest of the assholes, who does the most things the most frequently out of all of them. The others fear Jake and don't dare talk shit to his face, though about 60% of their Myspace posts are just bitching about how he fiddles them from time to time. No big deal, though. He acts as Rob's rival, and the battles that the two hold in the name of proving who's the bigger faggot are truly a sight to behold.

### Quotes

-*"Yeah, well...great."*

-*"Oh, boy, my favorite!"*