Choki The American/Transcript

The following is the transcript for the Dumb Teacher Season 4 episode, *Choki The American*.

## Forced Into Training

*(The scene opens with McNeese entering the classroom)*

* **McNeese**: Good morning you fuckin' pickaninnies and porch monkeys, my name is Mr. fuckin' McNeese, which you should probably fuckin' know by this stage, and I'm your teacher. Now, to fuckin' start things off, let's do the roll call. *(Takes the book off his desk and clears his throat)* Alright, Choki?

*(There is a long silence)*

* **McNeese**: I said... CHOKI!

*(Another long silence)*

* **McNeese**: WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT LITTLE JAP?!
* **Tom**: We don't know! He's probably absent or something! Also, don’t call him a, “Little Jap”, that sounds racist.
* **McNeese**: I CAN CALL WHOEVER I WANT, A RACIAL SLUR, AND THAT’S FINAL, YOU FUCKIN' BLUE-HAIRED PICKANINNY!!

*(McNeese prepares to bash his computer screen at him until he sees Choki in the hallway)*

* **McNeese**: Oh, you know what? *(Puts monitor back on desk)* Screw this, I'm gonna follow him. *(He leaves the classroom)*
* **Dan**: So, uh, what are we gonna do now?
* **James**: LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!

*(The entire class cheers as they run out of the classroom. Mr. McNeese can still be seen following Choki through the hallway while sneaky background music plays)*

* **McNeese**: *(Whispering)* Where is that Jap going? Where is he going? I just can't wait to wrap my hands around that little chonky's neck.

*(Choki turns around the corner and enters a room with a swimming pool. Mr. McNeese is still following him. Choki jumps into the pool and starts training while McNeese watches from the top)*

* **McNeese**: Hey! What are you doing, ol’ Jap?

*(Choki ignores him and keeps swimming)*

* **McNeese**: Strange, normally he’d be pissed when I call him a racial slur. What could be the occasion? *(He thinks for a couple of seconds and then snaps his fingers in realization)* Of course! The 2008 Olympics are coming up! Also, I was a coach during one of the Olympic Games back then, until I got kicked after I brutally beat a negro participating in the games to a pulp. *(to Choki)* Hey kid, you trainin' for the Olympics?
* **Choki**: *(Swims back)* What was that?
* **McNeese**: I SAID, ARE YOU TRAINING FOR THE OLYMPIC GAMES?!
* **Choki**: Calm down, McNeese-san. I heard you, and yes, I am participating in the Olympics for my native country's team. I wish to do so in honor of the Japanese emperor, Akihito, every Olympic game where Japan is participating, he would come and cheer us on in honor of my home country.
* **McNeese**: Huh, Japan, the stinkiest country of them all. Why not leave that stinky Japanese team and join the superior American team instead?
* **Choki*:*** But I cannot do that, McNeese-san! That would only be classified as betraying my country!
* **McNeese**: Yeah, just like the time your parents thought doing international bullshit would make you *betray* the Japs.
* **Choki**: Okay, first off, how do you know that? And second of all, stop being racist!
* **McNeese**: For one, I blackmail my students into telling them their personal events, and second, I am *not* a racist, I'm behaving the way America wants me to! If you don't join Team USA, you're gonna make a huge mistake! Also, would you rather worship our amazing president who *definitely* wasn't responsible for 9/11, or would you worship some big boring stinky Mao Zedong ripoff?
* **Choki**: "Big boring stinky Mao Zedong ripoff?!" You take that back!

*(McNeese punches and then grabs him by the body and shows his iPhone to him)*

* **McNeese**: Oh, I'm sorry, you wanna see *this*, Mr. Jap?

*(Camera cuts to McNeese's phone's screen, it is on YouTube and it shows a video of the Japanese flag)*

* **Choki**: Huh. I actually *do* want to see that. It's my country's flag.
* **McNeese**: Really?

*(McNeese presses play button, camera cuts to YouTube video, where a person holding a lighter lights the flag on fire, burning it as a dramatic chord plays)*

* **Choki**: *(shocked)* No! That is so offensive! I-It is also considered flag desecration! Turn it off, turn it off, please! *(McNeese forces phone into his face and repeatedly plays the clip)*
* **McNeese**: Now, are you gonna train for the USA, or are you gonna stay a stupid Jap?
* **Choki**: Okay, okay! I'll train for the American team! Just please don't show me that offensive video again, McNeese-san! *(cries)*
* **McNeese**: Good, now start swimming again... Jap, for the United States.

*(Choki turns on his front and starts swimming again)*

* **McNeese**: That's right, keep on swimming for America while I go back to my class.

*(Scene cuts to McNeese's classroom, where he walks in and notices that all of the students are gone)*

* **McNeese**: Oh! Where the hell are my fucking students?!

*(Scene cuts to three second shots of six of McNeese's students, Ashley is seen swimming at the public pool, Emma is seen in a secret hideaway under the house listening to Barbie Girl by Aqua, Logan is seen at the movies with Tom eating popcorn, James is seen at the arcade playing Asteroids, Gerald is seen playing a board game, scene cuts to a shot of El Kadsre City, with the text, "El Kadsre City, El Kadsre" at the bottom, the text fades after two seconds when a fast object flies through the screen, we cut to the object which is Dan riding a red hoverboard while wearing shades and a white jacket with Ryu Judoku's face on the back, "Dynamo" by Rinava plays, he is seen drinking a can of Technic)*

* **Dan**: I love being an Elkadsreophile!

## At The Games

*(We cut to a black screen with a text reading "a month later in Beijing" in the middle. After that, we see a view of the Bird's Nest Stadium in Beijing with fireworks shooting out of it. The GHTV screenbug can be seen at the bottom right. The scene then cuts to an aerial view of the interior of the stadium)*

* **Male Commentator**: Well Jane, I've gotta tell ya, that was truly an epic opening ceremony!
* **Female Commentator**: You're right Josh, that was incredible, especially the parts with the Chinese performers hitting the drums and the giant cubes forming the Great Wall of China! But now, it's time for the athletes to enter, starting off with Afghanistan.

*(Traditional Chinese music starts playing as the Afghan team enters the stadium. "AFGHANISTAN" in the Verdana font fades in at the bottom. The Albanian team then enters the stadium and "ALBANIA" in the same font fades in at the bottom)*

* **Male Commentator**: Albania!

*(The Algerian team enters)*

* **Female Commentator**: Algeria!

*(Later, the Jamaican team enters)*

* **Female Commentator**: Jamaica!

*(The Japanese team enters)*

* **Male Commentator**: Japan!

*(Later, the American team enters)*

* **Male Commentator**: United States of America!

*(Choki sees the Japanese team in the distance. The Uruguayan team comes)*

* **Female Commentator**: Uruguay!

*(Finally, later, all the teams are in the stadium, and the Chinese team comes last)*

* **Male Commentator**: And last but not least, the host country of the games, China!

*(The crowds can be heard cheering. We see an aerial view of all the teams in the stadium)*

* **Female Commentator**: Hu Jintao, president of the People's Republic of China, will officially open the games.
* **Jintao**: *(gets out of his seat in the crowd and stands near the podium in front of him while his family stands up. In Mandarin, subtitled)* With good luck to all of our fine athletes, I have the honour to declare the 2008 Beijing Games open, celebrating the XXIX Olympic Games. *(He sits back down as the crowds cheer and clap. Choki leaves the stadium and goes to the Olympic Village, where he meets McNeese)*

* **McNeese**: Okay, now let's get to the apartments, Jap. You'll get your own room.
* **Choki**: Yes, McNeese-san. Also, can you *please* stop calling me a Jap?
* **McNeese**: Fine, Jap.

*(A few days later. We see an aerial view of the Beijing Water Cube and then a normal view. The GHTV screenbug can be seen at the bottom right)*

* **Male Commentator**: And we're here live at the National Aquatics Centre in Beijing, also known as the Water Cube, for the men's swimming competitions.

*(It fades to the inside of the stadium. A crowd can be seen cheering and waving flags. The camera zooms in on the two commentators, who are standing on a small wooden bridge in front of another crowd holding microphones)*

* **Male Commentator**: We've got a big crowd with us today.
* **Female Commentator**: That's right Josh, we also have a total of five swimmers, but we're missing one of them.

*(We see an aerial view of the swimming pool with the swimmers standing on the tyles. A red question mark in the Verdana font can be seen at the top. The names of the athletes' countries in the same font fade in with their country's flags)*

*(Colin Collins waves to his fans. His fans are seen cheering him on)*

* **Male Commentator**: And it looks like the Kiwis are cheering on their favorite athlete, Colin Collins.
* **Female Commentator**: Well, they're not wrong, Josh. After all, he IS the most successful Olympic swimmer of all time, winning nothing but gold medals since the 1996 Games in Atlanta, Georgia.
* **Male Commentator**: There's no doubt he's gonna win another medal.
* **Female Commentator**: I still wonder where our sixth swimmer is...

*(McNeese and Choki are seen in the tunnel)*

* **McNeese**: Okay, Ching Chong Choki, you're gonna get out there and show those non-Americans who's boss!
* **Choki**: Do you really think that this is a good idea, McNeese-san?
* **McNeese**: (*mimicking Choki)* "Do you really think that this is a good idea, McNeese-san?" JUST FUCKING DO IT!
* **Choki**: But, McNeese-san, I am supposed to be with the Japanese, just confess to the-
* **McNeese**: NO! YOU ARE AN AMERICAN, YOU ARE TRAINING FOR THE FUCKING AMERICANS, AND THAT IS FINAL, CHING CHONG!
* **Choki**: "Ching Chong"?! That slur is for Chinese people, but you still take that back!
* **McNeese**: BUT WE'RE IN CHING CHONG LAND, DUMB FUCK GOOK-EYE!
* **Choki**: YEAH, BUT ALSO, "GOOK-EYE" IS A SLUR FOR KORE-

*(McNeese shows his phone with the video again* *on pause while he clears his throat in threat)*

* **Choki**: *(nervous and shocked)* Ah! I-I mean, "Go Team USA"! Yay...

*(Scene cuts back to report)*

* **Male Commentator**: Oh, and here comes our final swimmer.
* **Brazilian Fan**: *(She rips her flag in half and stands up, revealing her to be in a green bikini. She then picks up two small Brazillian flags and waves them. In Portuguese; subtitled)* Go Brazil! *(She starts shaking her butt)*
* **Male Commentator**: *(Whispering to himself)* Goddamn, that's hot... *(notices the camera, back to himself)* but anyway, now we have all our swimmers.
* **Starter**: Swimmers, get ready.

*(The six swimmers jump into the water. The starter turns left, walks off, and comes back with a gong on wheels)*

* **Female Commentator**: That Chinese guy is about to ring his giant gong.
* **Starter**: *(Takes a step back, lifts the mallet and hits the gong)*

*(The swimmers swim off immediately once the gong rings. However, some drown in the pool, leaving only three swimmers. Choki takes the lead)*

* **Male Commentator**: And Choki Takahashi of Ja- I mean, the USA, takes the lead, already.

*(The scene cuts to Choki's face underwater, and then cuts to McNeese, who is seen standing in the hallway leaning against a wall folding his arms)*

* **McNeese**: *(thinking)* C'mon, win that fuckin' gold...

*(The scene cuts back to Choki, who is nearly out of breath from swimming. Colin Collins, who is behind the Brazilian swimmer, José Silva, manages to keep his speed up. He passes by José and catches up with Choki)*

* **Female Commentator**: Oh, it looks like Colin's starting to catch up with Choki.

*(Just as Colin is about to pass by Choki, he ends up spraining his ankle in the process. He screams in pain and falls on his back into the water)*

* **Male Commentator**: Oh no, Colin has just injured himself! Looks like Takahashi's in the lead again.
* **Female Commentator**: Will Takahashi win the gold, Josh?
* **Male Commentator**: I think he's gonna win, Jane. He's an underdog, but he beat Collins, *a four-time gold medalist*, and now the US in the lead, so he's probably gonna do it.

*(The scene cuts to an aerial shot of the swimming pool, where Choki is seen in the lead. However, Colin quickly catches up with Choki)*

* **Male Commentator**: Wait a minute, Collins is starting to pick up speed, with a sprained ankle!
* **Female Commentator**: Unbelievable!

*(The swimmers reach the end of the pool, turn around, and swim back to the start. Once they start swimming back, Colin slightly overtakes Choki. The scene cuts to the New Zealand spectators, who start cheering again. It cuts back to the report)*

* **Female Commentator**: Can you believe it? Collins is back in the lead, with a sprained ankle! And he's not feeling any pain! Amazing!

TBA

## The Confession

TBA

*(Scene cuts to room with boxing ring where Choki and McNeese are wearing boxing gloves and boxers)*

* **Choki**: Alright, McNeese-san, if I win, you are going to confess to Japan about your blackmailing on live Japanese TV, and *don't* even think you can stop me with an offensive flag burning video online.
* **McNeese**: Okay, Jap. But if I win, you will surrender your Japanese citizenship and remain an American forever!
* **Choki**: That is fair. But I am sure you will lose since I was able to reach greater strengths through all that forced training you gave me. Now, in American words, and that attempted Rob & Fab comeback single: Let's get it on!

*(A slo-mo clip of McNeese and Choki preparing to punch each other plays while "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor plays, the scene then cuts to McNeese hanging on the ropes on the side with a beaten-up face, having lost the fight)*

* **McNeese**: *(to camera)* We had to cut the fight short due to budget cuts.
* **Choki**: Hah! I told you that you would be overwhelmed by my strength! *(pulls out Phony TV camera and turns on "POWER" and "TRANSLATE" buttons)* Now smile! You're on Japanese television! *(brings out cue cards)* Alright, you are going to read from these cue cards, all of which contain the confession you promised to make. If you do not confess through reading these cues, *(pulls out giant laser gun)* you will be evaporated into nothing!
* **McNeese**: O-O-Okay, okay! I'll read from the cue cards, I promise! *(sighs, then reads from cue cards)*

*(Scene cuts to downtown Tokyo, where McNeese is on almost every screen in the city)*

* **McNeese**: *(in Japanese; subtitled)* Hello, Japan, I am Frederick McNeese of Greenhill, Michigan, USA. I coached Choki Takahashi, the, "kid who betrayed your country" for the 2008 Beijing Olympics for the US team. I have a confession to make to you all. Choki never meant to betray your country, I forced him to. I blackmailed him into training for our country's team by showing your flag being burnt by someone on YouTube to him, and he gave in. But after a brief, "Rocky Balboa-like" boxing match with each other, Choki won and his conditions for when he won, was this very confession itself. I am very sorry for forcing Choki to join the American team. I promise never to make another Japanese transfer student like Choki join team America for the Olympics ever again, he's better off with Japan than the US during the Olympics. Thank you very much.

*(After the broadcast ends, everyone in Japan, including his parents, who are in the audience, blush in embarrassment for their mistakes against Choki)*

* **Akhito** **Takahashi**: *(in Japanese; subtitled)* Oh, dear. It looks like we fucked up, big time.
* **Hayami Takahashi**: *(in Japanese; subtitled)* What are we going to tell Choki?

*(Scene cuts back to boxing ring, where McNeese is still hanging from the ropes while Choki and Francine are seen standing together)*

* **McNeese**: Okay, I gave your confession to Japan, promised to never interfere with another Japanese transfer student wanting to join their Olympic team again, and apologized to the country. You win, Choki. Is *that* everything you fuckin' wanted?
* **Choki**: Yes! I can't wait for my life to finally go back to normal.

*(A plane with the Japanese flag bursts through the wall, Choki's parents come out of it)*

* **Akhito**: *(in Japanese; subtitled)* Choki! We have come to apologize to you for beating you up, we did not know you were being blackmailed.
* **Hayami**: *(in Japanese; subtitled)* Can you ever forgive and come back to us?
* **Choki**: *(in Japanese; subtitled)* Yes, mother, I will forgive you. *(in English, to Francine)* Francine, may I go back to my original family?
* **Francine**: Alright, never really liked Japs, anyway.
* **Choki**: *(gasps in shock)* You *dare* call me a Jap?! That is racist! *(in Japanese; subtitled)* You have chosen death by samurai blade!

*(Choki grabs his blade and jumps to Francine, ready to slice her as she screams while the episode freeze-frames, the frozen scene stays on for three seconds until cutting to the end credits)*

*(End of transcript)*