Episode 137

"*I wish Bill O'Reilly would massage my boob.*"
—TJ Kirk
**Episode 137** is an episode of Drunken Peasants**.** It features the return of everyone's favorite Ass. Jim was extremely drunk and caused the audience to suffer from ear rape.

The show was a clusterfuck of the hosts being funny and Jim Ass shouting incoherently about stupid bullshit. The episode's reception is probably the most polarized of any DP episode, even more so than Episode 69.

## Highlights

* Drunken Peasants get EXPOSED.
* Cunt Hovind accepts the challenge to debate on DP.
* Butt King chills with his bitches in a hot tub.
* A twerking ass and a jizz-encrusted dildo.
* Roosh V's eye shit

## Videos Played

1. The Drunken Peasants are Lying Frauds!
2. First Debate Booked!! Dr. Kent Hovind Responds To "Drunken Peasants" Invitation
3. Kent Hovind Accepts The Drunken Peasant Debate Challenge! YouTube Atheists Vs Creationist
4. Vigilant Christian Apology to The Amazing Atheist TJ!
5. Hot Tub at the Spa with Brett Keane
6. Atheist are idiots with mental retardation (old video)
7. Planned Parenthood Is Like Killing Cecil *(not found)*
8. The Truth Behind "Rape Culture" Hysteria
9. Why I Left Greenpeace
10. Super Back
11. Easy Reach Loofa
12. Magic Gate
13. Crystyler
14. Rollie Egg Master
15. Pornhub's Twerking Butt
16. Jizz Dildo Demo

## Start of the Show

The show starts late because their mouse was dying. Scotty, as is customary, gave the mouse head, mouse-to-mouse resuscitation, and sucked its laser balls. They discussed the customs of testicle-to-door entry for a good two minutes, for humanity must know the truth.

First up is a troll or not a troll segment by the retarded lovechild of The Vigilant Christian and Ryan Wiley. The man exposes TJ to be a misogynistic, suicide supporting, drug taking Nazi who hates humanity and his rectum. He also shows the truth that Scoopy is not TJ's brother but was adopted by TJ, making Scotty Cena TJ's real brother. Ben is suspicious because he refuses to show his face due to his criminal past where he's running from the CIA, FBI and the KGB. The incident was yet again kept under wraps thanks to the quick cover work of Ben and TJ against Scotty's whistleblowing.

Next up is professional fucktard Kent Hovind 's response to the Drunken Peasants to challenge debate them on the show for all the fans intellectual stimulation. The Drunken Pissants agreed to debate Hovind if they agree to have his own moderator be in control. TJ then spanked Jim Ass's ass with a rusty nail paddle for revealing that the show is prerecorded by the Satanic Illuminati-Jesuit Order Alliance (SILJOA). TJ then healed his Ass's Ass with his magical Mr. Myagi massage powers and Jim Ass reveals that Atheism-is-Unstoppable is Ben's father and that Mario is running the Illuminati as the Viligant Christian.

The Peasants then expose the Illuminati Overlord Mario for being a hypocrite about protesting *"Brother"* Kunt Hovind's decision to debate the Peasants. Jim Ass called out Mario and TJ battle rapped Mario and proved he is #Gay4Jesus.

## Middle of the Show

Next is something about Brett Keane , Sims, and a hot tub. The video after was of Sloth after facial reconstruction surgery, and who's also suffering from sleep deprivation apparently. He presented us with the irrefutable axiom that atheists are destroying the Earth by practicing science . He spends most of the video laughing maniacally and talking 5 octaves too high for a grown man because his vocal cords are aging backwards.

Subsequently, they moved onto some pro-life cocksucker talking about the death of Cecil the Lion in Africa at the hands of a complete monster from Minnesota. He used Cecil's death to discuss abortion, by posing questions for the ages like "I mean it's sad that Cecil died, but what about all these babies?".

The video they played afterwards was a new song from the brilliant, Bob Dylan-esque songsmith that is Free Press Media. After enjoying the mellifluous sonic bliss that is Free Press Media they moved onto Roosh V advocating for the legalization of rape to drive down the rate of rape. Makes sense, after all the perfect way to drive down violent crime rates is to legalize the violent crimes and make them free for all to commit. Specifically he wanted to legalize rape on private property. It must be the perfect opportunity for Walmart to start selling those "Beware of Guard Rapist" signs like they've always wanted.

The next video was a recovering hippie from Prager University discussing his nuclear proliferation and whaler protesting days. Finding this agonizingly boring, the Peasants took then took "a ten minute break" to spank Jim Ass and recuperate.

## End of the Show

The final segment of the show was, as per usual on Fridays, was Stupid Ads. The show closed with an impassioned speech from Jim Ass.

## Quotes

* *"SUCK FUCK, SUCK FUCK, SUCK FUCK!"* - All the hosts and Jim.
* *"Eat a dick... motherfucker."* - Jim Ass
* *"More whisky for Jim."* - TJ supporting alcoholism
* *"I protect the babies from Mario."* - Jim Ass
* *"Do you also rape women like Bill Cosby, Jim Ass?"* - TJ
* *"Inuit? More like inushit. "* - Jim Ass
* *"He murdered Inuit women and children with his lava cock."* - TJ
* *"Whaddya gonna do when Ass runs wild on you, BROTHER?!"* - Hulk Hogan on Jim Ass's racism
* *"He just goes splooging all over the igloos."* - Scotty Kirk
* *"Roosh V, savior of America."* - TJ
* *"I'm holding out for a rapist, I'm holding on till the end of the night! He's gotta be strong, and he's gotta be fast.... "* - All women ever in response to Roosh V's proposition to legalize rape
* *"I'm gonna lick Roosh V's butthole."* - TJ Kirk
* *"Fuck Japan in their USSR's. With their fuckin'... G.I. J.O.E. guns."* - Jim Ass
* *"If we can get rid of the water, we can get rid of the mosquitos."* - TJ
* *"I am the Illuminati."* - Scotty
* *"Don't tell Goldiecocks."* - Jim Ass
* "Have an ice cold glass of Colgate" - Scotty
* *"TJ, drape the cape to avoid the rape."* - Jim Ass
* *"TJ, the Super Back is not for pubic hair."* - Jim Ass giving TJ a valuable lesson
* *"Bill O' Reilly has never massaged my boob."* - TJ Kirk
* *"The Magic Gate comes out of my penis... EVERYNIGHT!"* - Jim Ass

## Trivia

* No one appreciates Ben. Not even Scotty Cena.
* Jim Ass's cock is the size of the red carpet.
* Jim Ass's penis is a troll.
* TJ snorts cocaine and does math.
* Ben is on the run from the KGB.
* There's a new aspect to Troll or Not A Troll, a siren for a troll, and some happy bullshit theme for if it's not a troll.
* TJ is the offspring of Rick Flair and the Undertaker .
* Bible World was the worst Super Mario world.
* Devon Tracey is Ben's father.
* Mario is the head of the alumminnummninatiii.
* TJ has spiral eyeballs.
* LeBron James must be freed from Mario's evil clutches.
* Bibles will have adverts in the future.
* The Peasants now sponsor Colgate.
* Jim Ass's real, full name is James Keister.
* Jim Ass protects the babies for 1500 dollars and hour.
* William Shatner should probably cover Hotel California.
* #TrentJenner

 Episodes

**Guest:** 148 • 150