Weighty Matters

There are many forms of torture. Watch as this villain takes an unorthodox method of unpleasantries to get the nuclear launch codes.

## Transcript

Matt: Remove.

Matt: Jim Blonde, MI6's most notorious secret agent.
Jason: What happened? Where am I? Where's Olivia?
Whitney: I'm here, Jim.
Matt: That is enough question from you, mister Blonde. All that you need know is that I am in possession of nuclear submarine. My plan is nearly complete. All that I require now are the launch codes, which conveniently are in your head.
Whitney: Don't give them to him, Jim.
Jason: Don't worry, my darling. I'd die before I told him anything.
Matt: I thought you might say that, mister Blonde, but I am nevertheless confident that you can still be persuaded.

Jason: Is that a scale?
Matt: Very good, mister Blonde.
Jason: Is that supposed to intimidate me?
Matt: Not at all. It's effect is intended for her.
Whitney: What?!
Matt: Get her onto scale.
Whitney: What?!

Matt: Social networking is quite a marvel, isn't it? Information is shared as fast as it takes to click button.So, my dear, I think it should only take few minutes for entire world to know your exact weight.That is, of course, unless you give me code.
Whitney: This is your threat? How insecure do you think I am? Give him the code, Jim.
Jason: What?!
Whitney: Give it to him, Jim.
Jason: Olivia, you can't just…
Whitney: Jim, please, there's no time to argue, just give him what he wants!
Jason: Olivia, calm down, think of all the people who will die!
Matt: This does not have to get ugly, mister Blonde. All I want is code.
Jason: Am I the only one who thinks this isn't a big deal?

Whitney: No! No, please! Please! Please!
Matt: This can all end now, mister Blonde, she need not suffer any longer.
Jason: Olivia, this isn't real, it's all in your head!
Whitney: Jim, please, please just give him what he wants.
Matt: What will it be, Jim? Are you prepared to sit there and let her pay ultimate price?
Jason: Ultimate price? What do you weigh, like 140 pounds, I mean 120, 90 pounds?
Matt: Never guess weight.

Matt: I'm logging into Twitter.
Whitney: No! No! Jim, please, I beg you!
Matt: I have many followers.
Whitney: No! No! No!
Matt: Very well, again.

Whitney: No! No, please! Please! No!
Jason: Wait! I'll give them to you.
Matt: Let's have it.
Jason: 1 - 1 - 1.
Matt: That is worst code ever. Put her back in chair and meet me at warheads. Do svidaniya, mister Blonde.

Mallory: Jim, Jim. Do you read me?
Jason: She must be trying to contact me on my satellite watch. M, do you copy?
Mallory: Yes, are you in trouble?
Jason: Unfortunately, I gave up the launch codes to prevent Olivia's weight from being disclosed to the world. I can't believe I've done this. M, do you copy?
Mallory: You made the right call, Jim.

## Trivia

* This sketch was uploaded on the same day as the episode aired on BYUtv.
* The **MI6** (Military Intelligence, Section 6) as mentioned in the sketch is the common name for the Secret Intelligence Service of the United Kingdom.
* This is the first sketch since Mafia to be written by Jason Gray.
* This is the fortieth sketch to be directed by Julian Riley.
* This is the first sketch since Spencer Goes to Class in which someone has a voice-only role.
	+ This is the first sketch since While You Were Out in which Mallory Everton has a voice-only role.
* This is the first sketch featuring recurring character Jim Blonde.
* This is the second sketch, after Foreign Exchange, in which a character speaks in an existing, non-English language.
	+ Matt Meese says "Do svidaniya", which means "Goodbye" in Russian.
* This sketch was featured in the special The Best of Studio C.