Minecraft

### Rating

R18+, Restricted, due to high impact violence, multiple sex scenes and a swearing cat who guides you around the world

## System requirements

That you have at least two inches

***Minceraft*** is a propaganda unit created by the Despacito Party which teaches children horrible and vile principles to live their life by, such as rugged individualism, unregulated capitalism, trading of goods for pieces of metal that only have value because it is maintained as such and that it's cool and easy to have a house.

## Housing Dillema

This pathetic propaganda teaches players, mostly children, that they can build their own houses and castles with little difficulty, just with what they have on hand. This is not the case at all! As a homeless Portugese mother-of-twelve, I found this part of the game extrenely offensive. It is why I banned my son Pedro from using the game, as he doesn't get any ideas. #HomelessPride

This needs to be fixed, or I will be banning my morbidly obese son Pedro from the game PERMANENTLY. He also heard that in the game, Village People have their own houses: WTF? This is so wrong and inappropriate. It's like the game is just mockin us for being homeless and living in a sewer under a bridge in a landfill area. Mince-Raft is FAKE NEWS. SAD!!!!!

### My Mum

My mother did not allow me to play videogames when I was a child, so I do no want my children to play videogames. My moher once told me when I was a kid, "Jimmy, you must not play videogames, as they can distract you from our nightly me-worshipping session."

"Yes, mama. I know," I replied, "I must worship you every night by playing you music on the guitar while my siblings try to sculpt statues of you out of the spare rotting butter."

She patted me on he back and let me continue reading the inscription done on the side of the sewer, in which we lived at the time. Now, 31 years later, I have my own children, and will not allow them to play the Minceraft game until they:

* a) remove the 'houses' feature as it is offensive to me and my family as we are homeless
* b) Put my mum into the game, so the children can continue to worship her in the game
* c) Add butter to the game so the children can make statues of my mother out of it in the game without having to resort to lousy yellow wool
* d) Give m a check for $25 so I can pay off my phone bill

## In Memoriam

As much as I hate Mr. Minecraft, I have to show some respect. Mr Minecraft unfortunately died on January 18th 2017. Rest in pieces, Mister Minecraft. Here was the inscription on his gravestone in Sweden:

> Rest In Peace: James L. Minecraft -- 1776-2017
>
>

However, it's also important to note that Mr. Minecraft came back to life in early 2019, in a reincarnation. He has since been very much alive.

## Wars and Mlitary Activity

Minecraft has been a key player in a number of wars, including:

After its 2011 release, I quickly shot up to become one o he biggest games in the world, before in 2013 officially winning the Console Civil War to emerge as the world's biggest game, beating the respective armies of Wii Sports, Grand Theft Auto 4/5 and Your Mum Simulator.

In 2018, however, it lost its victory, being defeated in an attack by a militia group by the name of FORTNUT BATTUL ROYLE!!!!! It was very sad, and Minecraft plotted an attack with its 100-million-strong army, waiting until I could gather the necessary manpower before attempting to reclaim its spot.

In early 2019, however, Minecraft came back to relevance, especially after winning The Grand Game War of 2019, bating out Forkknife to become the world's most popular game, again. Thank the Lord! Since then, it has been involved in some small conflicts, like the War of Afghanistan and Military Tension in the East China Sea.

Now, it maintains dominance over all other games, but this newcummer by the name of 'Among Us' emerged in 2020, threatening to rival Minecraft. While it has not overtaken Minecraft yet, some worry it may only be a while away. However, Minecraft officially is now no only the most popular gam at the moment but also he most-downloaded game of all time, which should worry the Among Us guys.

## Thanks for reading

Thanks for reading, have a terrible day with doom and despair

This article was sponsored by Lipton Ice Tea. If you want to have absolute rubbish for teeth, try Lipton Ice Tea! (Lipton, and Kermit, please do not sue me for defecation).