This, How You Say, Crab

## Synopsis

The Friends have been admitted to LaCroix Pamplemousse's party and a theatrical presentation, where Arian Knossos, Smiggins and many others they have met previously are all present. Bobby tries to apologize for carving the 17 into Brandon's back, pointing out that it was a plan to have Brandon arrested, not just defiling him for no reason. After some discussion of how to steal as much seafood as possible from the revels, they look at the programme and note that a performance by Bobson Dugnutt is listed - very bizarre, since he is the leader of a resistance cell and is hated in the city. It transpires that Bobson, in disguise as an adjudicator, has signed up to perform as his own comedy impersonator, and is ushered backstage to prepare and then performs his attempt at improvisational comedy:

"Hello, I'm not Bobson Dugnutt. Ye sand? But if I was, God, I'd have a big dick but I'd hate it. Anyway guys, have you heard the latest out of the Resistance? Gosh, they're a bunch of.. they're a bunch.. My name's Bobson Dugnutt and sometimes when I'm scared my dick goes inside myself and I cum inside myself. Oh gosh, yes, I'm Bobson Dugnutt and I'm a..."

He is fortunately interrupted by a huge banner descending as LeCroix arrives on stage astride the Apparatus of Banknote. He thanks the group for the party and explains that Brandon has been executed as a traitor. He invites the Friends - who are still in disguise as the adjudicators who brought in Brandon - to join him in his private box as a reward. He takes them up to his box (demolishing part of the theatre in the process as he's not yet used to piloting the Apparatus) as a Queen tribute band, *Crazy Little Thing Called Gloves*, begin to play. Philge tries to ask LeCroix about what he knows about the Resistance. He admits that he actually knows about Cell 17 since he used to work for them and they ruined his life. Banknote, as Juves, asks LeCroix if he wants to see a magic trick; LeCroix responds that magicians have been banned from the Duke's revels for years, but he will allow Juves to perform a magic trick. Banknote calls for LeCroix himself to volunteer for the trick, which (on a Persuasion success) he does. Banknote rushes over to collect a rope from the side of the stage, accidentally unhitching a flyfline and causing part of the set for *Who Is Stealing My Cabbages* to crash to the stage on top of Banknote and the stage manager.

LeCroix angrily tells Banknote that he no longer wants to be part of the trick, and invites his 6-year-old nephew Cinnamon Pamplemousse to take part in the trick instead. Baston tries to work his way over to the flylines, while Banknote - unwilling to harm the child by doing what he was originally planning - casts *Invisibility* on Cinnamon, who promptly panics when he can't see himself, runs across the stage and knocks himself unconscious against the proscenium arch. Banknote offers to do a second trick on LeCroix, explaining that he could not do his original trick with a child volunteer in order to make sure he was safe. Meanwhile, Bobby uses *Phantasmal Force* to create the illusion to LeCroix that the Apparatus is running out of control, but one of two dark figures sitting behind Bobby in the private box counters the spell, revealing themselves as Dorian and Isabelle LeFay, the annoying vampire spawn children.

Dorian screams, and Isabelle casts *Antimagic Field*, disabling all of the Disguise Self spells on the Friends and revealing their true identities, causing the entire room to burst into panic.

## Cast

### Dragon Friends

* Philge
* Bobby Pancakes
* Baston
* Lionshield Banknote

### NPCs

* LeCroix Pamplemousse
* Dorian LeFay
* Isabelle LeFay

## Table Talk

* "Ok, I think there is an Opera.. I reckon there's an Opera in a theatre or some shit, and I reckon there was a guy who got fucked up in a fire when the theatre was burned down and then it got rebuilt.. is this right? Oh, fuck yea! And I reckon he like, maybe has like a family in the attic and he passes the burnt face mask down from generation to generation.." "Did you know that Dave directed a production of Phantom Of The Opera in Canberra?" "Aw fuck, I saw that!" "WELL THEN YOU'RE FUCKING CHEATING!" "I'm sorry, can I ask, in your production was there a family of phantoms living in the attic?" "That's a brave artistic choice.."