Flagate

It was a bright, sunny Sunday morning on September the 20th. The mockingbirds were singing, the leaves were dancing in the wind, and the birds and the sun was almost down from the top of the sky. Eugene David, Jack Nathaniel, Wifu, and Discount-Edition Beecher (AKA John) all went on an adventure. This adventure would define the future of their lives and mark the beginning of a new era in Darien, Illinois.

Six Flags. A name that evokes joy in the eyes of many adolescents. But for a certain adolescent, the term would be flipped on its head for our protagonist Jack. You see, Jack was a smart boy, who didn't understand the definition of overworking. He signed up for several AP classes and over seven extracurriculars, all on the delusion that doing so was required for getting into a college. Even with all that intelligence, you'll get nowhere in life if you're unable able to beat Terran 5. One of these extracurriculars was drama club. This club was of particular importance, as its teacher decided that students should never miss a single rehearsal. This included rehearsals on Sunday. FUCKING SUNDAY. WHAT THE FUCK. Ahem... Anyway, in early September, Jack came up with a plan.

This plan was a clever one, one laced with white lies and half-truths. The plan? Go to Six Flags instead of drama rehearsal, have a cold pint, and wait for this all to blow over. Skipping rehearsal was particularly rare because Jack was never one to skip classes or clubs, even if he was deathly ill... although falling asleep in them was a different story entirely. But Jack was determined to go. Unfortunately, this also meant convincing Wifu to skip as well. This proved quite troublesome, and it took Jack several weeks of persuasion to convince her to grow a pair. After weeks of hilarious back and forth struggles, the plan was finally made, and the gang was off to Six Flags to have the dankest time.

During this trip, they asked Beecher for two numbers. Beecher said 7, and then 4. This is super relevant to the entire story, as it has thematic ties to the rest of the story. The number 4 represents all four people who went to Six Flags, and the number 7 represents the amount of sins that Jack committed by going on this trip.

Then someone saw Jack at Six Flags, and all Hell broke loose.

Over the course of the next few hours, accusations were fired, lies were told, hearts were broken, and Jews were blamed. Jack received message after message from his friends who had forsaken him, and they all held a common theme: disappointment. Jack would forever have to live the rest of his life as a disappointment. Even after high school and beyond, Jack would be forever known as Jack Disappointingham.

Back in the present, there were dark stirrings, betrayals and treachery when Jack returned to school on Monday. People wrote a fake get-well card and passed it around the school. The most hilarious part about all of it was that no one ever actually showed Jack the card, they only told him about it. That would be like telling Jack that you're going to punch him, and then punching at nothing in the hallway while no one else is around. No fucking point. They might as well have told him they were making a fake time machine to go back and help Jack's grandparents, it wouldn't have made any difference. Fucking dumb, I swear.

Jack did not feel so good that day, and seemed dead inside during that night's Local Beecher Group game.

Then Tuesday happened, and everyone forgot about it and things were back to normal. High school drama in a nutshell, ladies and gentlemen. Jack still lives on today, after surviving that dreaded ordeal. When asked to recount the events of that fateful day, Jack had this to say:

"It's alright, I don't need to vent about what happened. Hey, did you know 3 is save the commons?"