Chapter 61

Natsumi comes upon Akira and Shion having some sort of disagreement. Natsumi then decides that she will have a little chat with the both of them.

## Features of This Chapter

### Story Setting

At school, in the hallway, then at the public park across the street from the school..

### Transition Milestones

Without Rumi knowing that Akira is secretly listening, Rumi gushes to her friends about how cute and attractive Akira is, as well as Akira's loving concern for the welfare of her friends.

### Relationship Evolution

Akira and Shion are not on the best of terms with one another. Yet, Akira trusts Shion with knowing about how Akira was a first-class bully in elementary school. Akira rarely, if ever, talks about her debased life back then, yet has not revealed that she was born a male.

### Lessons Learned

Akira, Shion, and Natsumi find out that talking things out is much better than not saying anything, and keeping silent grudges and bad feelings toward others.

ORE GA WATASHI NI NARU MADE (UNTIL I BECOME ME)

CHAPTER 61 OF THE MANGA

(Story Note---This chapter is mostly an extended conversation between Shion, Akira, and Natsumi, as they try to hash-out and settle their differences.)

## Previously

In a short period of time, Akira is unintentually tested with regard to her social relationships with her friends and classmates. Each encounter is different, eliciting different responses in Akira. Akira and Rumi were invited to sleep together, side-by-side, in Aoi's bedroom. After Aoi had fallen asleep, Rumi revealed some of the intriguing, intimate things to Akira, as she snuggled up to Akira. One morning, for some unexplained reason, Akira felt a strong urge to tell Rumi that she was born as a boy, and was even practicing how to tell Rumi in front of the mirror. Then one day at school, Aoi confides in Akira about some very personal things, surprising Akira. Then, later that day, a very distraut Rumi lashes out at Akira because of being upset that a social media icon that Rumi follows was accused of sexual misconduct. Finally, Shion targets Akira with some very juicy gossip about Kukichi, not all of it being true. However, not knowing that, Akira is puzzled as to what to think of Shion, as well as all the others.

## This Chapter's Story

After school one day, as befits her style and personality, Shion is once again gossiping about others. She has a photo on her iphone of Yuto Kikuchi in a book store, supposedly shoplifting an adult magazine. Shion shows the picture to Akira. However, Akira emphatically states that she was there, too, and can definitely say that Kikuchi was NOT shoplifting. In fact, he was trying to correct a mistake that was made, this by informing the store clerk. Bluntly, Shion comments that she thinks he is 'dangerous', as it is well known that he hit a girl in school some time ago. Akira was there way back when, as she was the girl that was to be the target of the punch. And it ***was*** Kikuchi who threw the punch. Yet, Akira never was actually hit, the punch actually landed on Shouma. However, Akira doesn't correct Shion's inaccurate gossip.

Instead, Akira has a silent mental flashback to the time shortly after she was transformed into a girl. Back then, she was coming outside of the school building, and she saw her Mom was being accosted by the other Moms. This about Akira supposedly being 'dangerous', because of the supposed spread of the 'transsexual infection' to the other students. Not true, but the others would not believe Mom's assurance about Akira being harmless. "Bad rumors spread so easily !", Akira silently thinks to herself.

Just then, Natsumi and two other girls walk by Akira and Shion. Natsumi sees the puzzling and concerted look on Shion's face. Did something just happen, inquires Natsumi ? Not really, mumbles Shion. Surprisingly, Natsumi puts her arm around Shion's shoulder, and tells the other girls with her to go on home without her. She, Natsumi, is going to have a little chat with these two, Shion and Akira ! Puzzled, the two follow Natsumi out to the public park across the street from the school. With Natusmi and Shion sitting on the swing set, with Akira standing behind them, Natsumi begins by acknowledging that the rumors about Kazuki are, indeed, widespread and compelling. But that doesn't make all of them true ! Shion listens as she begins swinging.

"But what does that have anything to do with you, Shion ?", inquires Natsumi.

Shion oozes out a comeback, "If you put it that way, then that doesn't have anything to do with you, either, Natsumi !"

"Then let's not talk about Kukichi. I'm telling you not to go around gossiping and potentially causing trouble for Akira !", remarks Natsumi.

"Ooooowwww, scary, scary .... !", mocks Shion, "And you agree with me Akira, don't you ?"

Natsumi cuts in, *"Don't screw around with me !* This is important; Akira is skipping her club activities to be here with us !"

Akira silently thinks to herself. She has not been that close to Shion, yet she knows enough about Shion to understand that she often has a harsh and graphic way of saying things that are on her mind. Many take that about her as ripe, juicy gossip. However, it seems to me that despite that, Shion does have an undercover way of showing her concern and empathy for others, despite her unorthodox way of social interaction. Shion takes one last swing, then jumps off of the swing and lands with a thud on the ground.

" ... okay .... so .... why are we all getting so worked up over this .... ?", wonders Shion.

Continuing to silently remark to herself, Akira speculates that Shion is inwardly sulking, like a child who is getting scolded, but does not understand why.

Natsumi reacts, also getting off the swing, "WHY ? Why are you asking that, Shion ? This is as much about Akira as it is about you, Shion. After all, we are very much together in the same classes every school day. Ya know, after Akira and Erika had *that misunderstanding*, I noticed that Erika started hanging out with a group of new friends, girls from other classes. And that made for a very awkward social situations with all the other former friends of Erika, like Akira, for instance. I, for one, can't stand that kind of clique atmosphere. Not at all !"

Yet another flashback occurs to Akira. The time when Mom would try and talk to and reason with male Akira. But bratty, unconcerned Akira would most of the time 'turn a deaf ear' to such attention.

Up until now, Akira has been silent in the conversations. But now, Akira levels her gaze upon both Shion and Natsumi. Things go real quiet, real fast ! Eventually, Akira speaks, but only one word .... "Shion !" Shion feels pierced by Akira's voice saying her name, plus Akira's steely gaze. So unlike Akira !

Drama is ramped up as Akira continues. "Shion, I am well aware of the terrible things that Yuto Kukichi has done in the past. Yet I know that you, Shion, may not like to hear this, but there is a genuine misunderstanding surrounding Kukichi. He now seriously regrets what he has done in the past, has repented, and has tried to make good regarding his bad reputation. I have personally seen his change of heart. So please, Shion, don't ruin his valiant comeback to try and be a good student, a trusted friend, and a better person overall."

Surprisingly, Shion 'keeps her cool' ! "If you say so about Kukichi, I will believe you, Akira. I won't 'bad mouth' him any longer. However, in exchange for my trust in your judgement, Akira, I would like you to begin hanging out with me every now and then. Just like we are doing now, speaking frankly and sincerely. Alright with you, Akira ?"

**"THE HELL ?"**, bursts out Natsumi, "Are you, Shion, trying to take advantage of Kukichi's dilemma to somehow manipulate Akira to your own advantage ? Are you wanting to make Akira one of your 'toadies' ?"

"What's up with you, Natsumi ?", replies Shion. "You really are scary, scary ! I'm not that kind of person to do what you are saying. Here I am showing genuine concern for Akira, yet you think of me as being some sort of bitter antagonist. That really hurts, ya know !"

"What is the concern about Akira, anyway ?", inquires Natsumi.

"Look, Natsumi .... ", explains Shion, as she actually stares at Akira, " .... Whether you know it or not, it is obvious that Akira tends to be considerate and empathetic of the people around her. Aoi is so backward socially, and almost always clueless about any social interaction with or around her, yet she invited you, Akira, to be part of her club. This, knowing that Kukichi was also already a club member. That was during lunchtime at school, right ? There were many others around the table, so it would have been difficult for you, Akira, to decline. Am I correct about that ? What a way to put pressure on Akira ! Why, even Rumi sometimes distances herself from you, Akira, depending on her mood. You ever noticed that, Natsumi ? Akira even had to go as far as putting on a stellar performance to cheer her up. At least for me, that was unbearable to have heard about it, Akira having to go through all of that. *If it was me, I wouldn't let Akira go through stuff like that, just to please me, after all.* That is what I was thinking and concerned about, Natsumi !"

"That's just so .... ", remarks Natsumi, however she doesn't finish her thought.

"What ? What now ? I am definately saying this because I care about my friend, Akira !", adds Shion.

An awkward silence ensues, until Akira softly asks Natsumi if she can have a word with Shion, *alone*. Natsumi goes over to the gazebo, and sits down, as Akira and Shion walk over to a grassy area near the gazebo. Akira begins by apologizing. "If **I** (lit. *Watashi* {feminine}) had ..... " Yet Akira is cut off by Shion remarking about 'the clothes' ! Shion continues---

"My grandmother was hospitalized at the same time as your grandmother, at the same place. They even shared the same room. Remember that pretty dress that you were offered ? That dress was one that I had only worn a couple of times, then gave it away ! It was given to you, Akira. That certainly looks like fate entwined us two. Why, we even ended up in the same class at school at that time. Yet, I'm not saying that I know what kind of person you are, top to bottom. But as I remarked earlier, isn't it tiring and monotonous to try and please everyone all of the time ? How about you give this a try, Akira. If you truly don't like me, than be honest and treat me as you see fit, even if it means being harsh and sarcastic with me every now and then !"

Akira is stunned into silence. She looks in the direction of Natsumi, and eventually sees Natsumi stand up and look in the distance. She runs over to Akira, and says to look over there ! A group of girls, consisting of Rumi, Aoi, Kouta and Kanae are walking in their direction. "We have to hide !", orders Natsumi. Natsumi herds Akria and Shion toward the girl's outdoor toilet, before any of the other girls see them. For some unexplained reason, Natsumi 'wall slams' Akira, backing Akira against and pinning her to the restroom wall with both of Natsumi's outstreched hands. Inside, Shion nonchalantly asks, "What are we hiding for ?"

Natsumi responds, "Those girls would not think nicely of Akira if they realized that she had skipped club activities, only to be seen hanging out in this public park. That looks bad. Or would you prefer, Shion, to have them come upon us, only to be told that the three of us are in the middle of a 'knock down, drag out' girls only fight ?

"There it is again ! That 'I have to please everyone, regardless' attitude, this time with you, Natsumi !", rebukes Shion.

Just then, the conversations of the four girls can be heard echoing through the doorless enterance to the restroom. Natsumi, Shion, and Akira go deathly silent. As he group walks past the restrooms, snippets of conversation can be heard.

"Akira didn't end up coming to club pratice .... maybe she doesn't like us, or the girls in the club .... that's not true .... well, it's fine either way .... after all, we have you, Rumi .... no, seriously .... Akira probably had something important to take care of .... really ? .... fer real ? .... I haven't been able to talk much with Akira, so I really don't know her that well .... what kind of girl is she like ? .... "

The group stops right at the side of the restrooms. Rumi's voice is clearly heard inside the restroom, as she now goes into a candid explaination. " Let's see. Akira might seem shy and reserved, but that is because she is considerate of others around her. She is the kind of girl who gets really sad or upset if she thinks that she had said or did something that might have hurt another girl. What's more, she also posses the inner strength to 'bounce back' even if something has made her feel bad or dejected. Akira had a bit of a fight with a friend. Still, Akira was civil and pleasant to her at school.

"Even back in elementary school, when the other party was in the wrong, nevertheless, Akria would apologize first. Also, recently, I had a bad experience, and ended up lashing out at Akira. But instead, Akira and Aoi willingly comforted me. It was cute of them to do so.

"Then again, Akira is completely clueless, and dangeriously unaware, of her own compelling, inherent, abject cuteness, coupled with an overt, overpowering sex appeal ! She has no idea of the number of boys in class who have silently gone freakin' bananas over her at school ! Does she never see them staring and practically 'drooling' at her ? That uncanny mix of sweet innocence, blended with erotic lascivousness, makes her all the more adorable, plus irresistibly, lustfully attractive ! Lately, Akira has started to become a bit more aware of those traits about her. It's likely that my remarks to her have finally had some good effect on her awareness. And also about Akira ........ "

"ALL RIGHT ! We get it ! Believe us, we do ! Fujimiya is a good girl .... yeah, a really good girl .... me, too .... I also pegged Akira as one of the good ones !" The group begins walking away.

"That's why .... that's why I also want Akira to think well of me !", confesses Rumi, "I .... desperately ....... want ........ her ............. to do ................. so ....................", as the conversation fades into the distance.

Natsumi releases her confinement of Akira, and the three walk out of the restroom. Natsumi walks around to the side of the restroom building to watch the group walk away, leaving Akira and Shion alone together. Shion has her back to Akira, but Akira, nevertheless, begins talking to her.

"**I** (lit. *Watashi* {feminine}) can't do what you asked of me .... "

"Is that .... because of my 'nasty' personality ?", offers Shion.

"That's not true.", replies Akira as she huggs her bookbag for self-encouragement, "In the past, **I** (lit. *Watashi* {feminine}) bullied another girl rather horribly. The social situation became so bad, because of my bullying and other factors, that is the reason why I transferred to this school. That is why, deep down, I am not a good girl. Not at all !"

"Ha, ha, ha ! Cut it out ! You are a terrible liar, Akira !", quips Shion, "You don't have to go out of your way to be considerate toward me, and lie just so your refusal toward me would be convincing."

*It's the truth !*, pleads Akira, "Even now, I still have not forgotten her face, nor her words of anger, shame, and rebuke toward me for what I did to her. Her rebuke of me has been burned into my mind and soul; I can never forget that. I really regret my actions back then. If **I** (lit. *Watashi* {feminine}) would start talking harshly to or about my friends, I would end up hating myself even more than I do now. *To this day, I'm so sorry for what happened to that girl !!!* If only I had been more aware of how bad I was back then .... if only I could be more remorseful and emphatic now .... "

*"Akira !"*, comes a voice from behind her back. Natsumi has been standing behind Akira. How much of the conversation has she heard ? Nevertheless, Natsumi comes up to Akira, faces her, and lovingly embraces her with a tender and compassionate girl-with-girl hug.

"Just leave the rest to me ..... ", whispers Natsumi into Akira's ear.

Shion looks on in silent contemplation.

## Chapter Lookback, Commentary, and Opinion

Cogito3

Messages: 21

Aug 6, 2023

This chapter is really interesting to me because, as the translator says, Shion was 100% right about Akira. As an over-correction to what happened to her in the past, [Akira] really is constantly worried about making sure other people like her, and pushes her own needs and desires aside in order to please them. But where Shion went wrong was in assuming that Akira deep down wants to [trash]talk [with] her friends. [Akira actually,] genuinely thinks they're great people and doesn't really mind helping them out. If Shion had went at this from the direction of "you can be mean and rude to me [if you want to] and I won't mind," she might've had more success.

Anyway, Shion is one of my favorite minor characters, so I really enjoyed how this chapter focused on her. I also liked Natsumi's participation since she's the one in the friend group who's gotten the least attention so far.

Smileyguy

Group Leader

Messages: 237

Aug 7, 2023

I do believe [as stated above] that that was exactly what Shion was implying. She was trying to give Akira an outlet where she doesn't have to try to please everyone. This because earlier she suggested to Akira to hang out with her every now and then, and then she used to exact same "every now and then" when suggesting to Akira that she didn't mind her being blunt/harsh with her. Ultimately, Akira refused because even Shion is part of her friend group, and as much as Shion may be okay with it [Shion's gossiping?], Akira wouldn't be feel comfortable doing it because it would remind her of the times where she was bullying Nana.

Also, Shion is too one of my favorite characters of this manga. Along with Kikuchi, Shouma and Aoi.

Cogito3

Messages: 22

Aug 7, 2023

I guess I formed my interpretation when I read the raws. When Akira refuses Shion's proposal, she says she doesn't want to "waruguchi" her friends, i.e. badmouth or slander them. I think it also fits in context too, since Shion was criticizing both Rumi and Aoi beforehand, [Shion's] proposal reads to me as "you can complain about your friends when you're with me." In addition, I don't think Akira really considers Shion to be a friend; they're in the same social orbit but we've seen her be uncomfortable around Shion multiple times even before this chapter.
Though, I hope this foreshadows more Shion content in the future lol. (Aoi is one of my favorite characters too.)

HiraOmnibus

Double-page supporter

Messages: 450

Sunday at 10:31 AM
New

Yeah, I always thought Shion was not exactly wrong in her thinking *per se* just a bit misguided. I'm glad Akira said something about the bullying though, she needed to get that off her chest.

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