Session 9

* Jon "Iron" Roth
* Mira
Session 8
Session 10

In which...

## Story

### 998:Raas:10-19

Our daring adventurers  met as agreed upon in Sybel’s tavern, and were distraught to discover some asshole had broken the map table again. However, showing the bullheaded perseverance characteristic of adventurers, there was already another carving in the making.

From their former exploits, they had some dreamweed and a bunch of evil medallions they needed to offload. They discovered during downtime that the former was too risky to sell in Niska, and unsuitable for poison. To address the latter, they visited the Temple of the Border Wall, and after an exchange that left the head priestess rather skived off, the amulets were safely sealed away.

Not wanting to waste any more time, the adventurers set off for… THE ZIGGURAT! (Approximately half were familiar with the word ziggurat prior to this adventure)

Navigating back was a fairly simple matter, as Urist had a good memory for places he’d been. There was one day when he woke up with temporary but total amnesia that left as soon as he remembered he had advantage on these navigation checks and succeeded in a critical fashion. “It hit like a train, with the force of knowledge” – Audrey

They were attacked by a boar, which they decapitated then fried up for mealsies. [Don't think you guys did since it was covered in weeping sores. :P]

They contemplated assaulting the Ziggurat under cover of dark, but couldn’t be bothered and decided to go in immediately, because “yolo”. And lo, they did each live but once. HOW PORTENTIOUS AHHHH

Mira, the monk, went all sneaky like and discovered a few bandits gambling in a room. The team was contemplating charging in, because “swag420blazeit”, but at Urist’s suggestion blazed it more literally, filling the exit of the room with burning lantern oil. It was then a simple matter to fry those inside with magic and slay those who braved the flames with steel. Burned plague bandit flesh smells AWFUL.

The other occupants of the temple miraculously failed to hear the clamor, so when the party took a right at a fork and discovered another room of six bandits (and as it turned out, a demon monkey named Jeffery). After some deliberation, Aeronna kicked the door in. But that phrase really doesn’t do it justice. Aeronna gave the door the power of flight, and Mira gave it the power of being on fire. It was just a few elements short of being captain planet. The door flattened one of the bandits. “He seem[ed] very distressed.“

Aeronna identified the Monkey as a demon, so Urist was obliged to cleanse it with the holy light of Nye, which he promptly did, turning it into a faintly monkey-shaped smear. All the bandits yelled “JEFFREY!!”

The party repeated the process with the oil, turning the corridor into a shooting gallery. At one point, Jon “humie” the human used one of the bandits as a shield and improvised weapons. As Jon killed one bandit with his dead friend, a solitary tear rolled down the bandit’s face. The final bandit moved to run, but Aeronna threw his mace, which bounced, taped that bandit’s ankle, and sent him sprawling into the wall, cracking his skull and killing him instantly.

More stealthy scouting was done. The party discovered a room with a lavish feast of rotting human meat being eaten by giant rats. Leaving the rats to their business, the party explored a bit, found a room of rats and storage crates, a room with circles of entrails and more demon monkeys, a room of bodies and another path out of the ziggurat, and a large chamber with a chalice of polluted blood, a bowl of pustules, and a door with ominous runes that sounded like burning hair. Whatever that sounds like.

The party decided that the door was scary and trapped, so after determining that they couldn’t remove it safely, they put the blood and pustules on a corpse and threw it at the door. Nothing happened, the door opened. The party delved into deliberation, but Mira decided “fuck bitches” and walked through, getting “plague counters”. The corridor and staircase beyond the door were filled with similar runes. Mira came back through, then ate and drank of the disgusting blood and pustules in hopes it would protect her, but only got more plague counters for her trouble. Deciding everything was a trap, Urist blessed the party and everyone executed a textbook “yoloswag charge” up the stairs, only to discover that the trap was just a one-shot. Bless ran out, but they found Anod in a chamber with two attendants, butchering corpses and performing all manner of foul rituals. Aeronna charged in to dispense justice but had some bad luck and was swiftly dispatched by the swirling patterns of Anod’s scimitar and dagger. Mira singed Anod with magic missles. Jon threw axes into his face. Urist attempted to compel him to surrender by the holy power of Nye, but Anod resisted. It was a long and arduous battle, but ultimately the adventurers were victorious, with Mira dealing the final blow to Anod, cleaving clean through his torso, which was rotted and diseased all the way through. Anod’s body exploded into a cloud of filth and disease, which Urist took the brunt of, gaining 8 disease counters, and feeling “really quite shitty”.

Truly mad loot was had. Rubies. Weapons. Coins for days. The celebration was dampened somewhat by Aeronna’s corpse just kinda lying there.

Right around 4:00:00 is a decent time to listen to everything go to shit.

There was one remaining corridor out of the room. In the interest of “never returning to this goddamn dungeon”, the remaining parties members decided to check it out. They discovered a room containing a bandit suckling at the nipple of a massively obese woman with cataracts, sores, pus, the veritable embodiment of disease and illness. The party figured she was probably too fat to move, so decided to burn her with lantern oil and get the fuck out of dodge. They were mistaken. Gravely, in fact. She sprinted forward like a flaming, wailing train of fatty, necrotic flesh and gave Jon a magical death hug, knocking him unconscious. Urist decided to run back in to drag Jon out, saving private ryan style. He’d grown a bit fond of the gruff human. However, as he neared the woman, who they presumed to be Anod’s goddess *Mira*, he felt a compulsion to suckle at her breasts, to take the plague into himself.

He rolled a 1 and went to town.

Mira decided it better to escape with her life, and got the fuck out of dodge, leaving Urist and Jon to their fates. She hauled as much treasure as she could carry with her back to Niska.

Struggling with burgeoning PTSD, she received Anod’s bounty, purchased blood trackers for horses for adventurers, and attempted to find solace in her new levels and massive pile of gold.

## Key Events

Ziggurat 90% complete

Anod killed, bounty redeemed

Aeronna dead, Jon presumed dead, Urist made into a slave of *Mira*

Mad loot retrieved by sole survivor Mira, used to unlock rental horses

## Quotes

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“Right now I’m helping the corpse chew the pustules” - Mason

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“Nooo! Don’t put on the amulet! We wanted you to survive this session” - Connor

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“He sees a vision of Bill Nye smiling gently WITH GLOWING RED EYES as his face erupts with inner light, raiders of the lost ark style”

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“What does it look like as you kill him with the body of his friend?” - Jordan

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“By the power of Nye and the Scientific method, foul being, I abjure thee! By the word of Nye be compelled, SURRENDER!” - Connor

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