TRP: Gavi, Jasper, and Joan (Gavi's Conversion)

**ABBY**

[Setting: Day 263(?) Sanctuary of Eldath]

The clerics here were at least good about giving directions. Gavi'd never bothered to ask Joan where she worshipped, it hadn't been important, but now... now she did have a reason. And it wasn't fucking the place up.

Joan was there, kneeling and praying. With her was Jasper-- huh. Gavi hadn't realized she followed Iomedae too. Gavi reached over and rapped her knuckles against a nearby rock, but waited for Joan to acknowledge her before approaching. Respectful of other's gods was a new feeling for her, but shit if she wasn't gonna try it on anyway.

**COYOTE**

The Ionian shrine shrine was small and practical. There was no statue of Io, no figure to worship; instead there was a small altar with a sword and shield. The shield was dented and cracked like it had been hit often.

Joan sat quietly, legs folded, a peaceful expression on her face. Jasper fidgeted.

“What are you praying about?” Jasper said after a moment.

“I am praying for the strength to protect this Sanctuary.”

“Oh,” Jasper said, sounding bored.

“What are you praying for?”

“Iunno,” Jasper said. “Hadn’t thought of anything.”

**ABBY**

Gavi kept herself from snorting aloud and rolled her eyes. Young'uns. "Hey, mind company?" she called. Not too loud, but loud enough to be heard.

**COYOTE**

Jasper scrambled up. “Oh god yes.”

Joan grabbed her tunic and yanked her back down on her ass.

“Uh,” Jasper said. “I mean. We need to finish praying.”

**ABBY**

"Sure," Gavi said. She stayed where she was, if they wanted her there they'd invite her. "I can wait."

**COYOTE**

Jasper fidgeted. She looked at Joan. Joan didn’t move, eyes closed.

“Hey, so I’m fucking bored,” Jasper said.

“Maybe you should try praying for patience,” Joan said.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll do that next time. But, uh, right now, maybe I could show, uh, this lady here—“

“Her name’s Gavi,” Joan said without opening her eyes.

“Right, yeah. Can I show this lady here the meditation thing you showed me?”

Joan frowned at Jasper.

“Oh, fucking come on,” Jasper said. “Ripley. Ripley.”

“Yeah, fine,” Joan groused.

**ABBY**

Now this little shit reminded Gavi of herself at that age. She laughed quietly. Joan had a handful training that one. "What kind of meditation thing?" she asked, going to join them.

**COYOTE**

“It’s a thing where you hit each other with sticks.”

“Listen, you little shit,” Ripley said, not getting up. “It’s a meditation exercise where you preform repetitive movements.”

**ABBY**

Gavi really should be respectful of the fact that Joan was trying to pray.

"Oh yeah? Like what you make newbies do when trainin' em with swords?" Gavi asked. Too innocently.

**COYOTE**

Jasper frowned at her, then narrowed her eyes, jerking her chin up. Was Gavi calling her a newbie?

“Sort of,” Jasper said suspiciously. “Wanna see?” She grinned, showing her teeth.

**ABBY**

Gavi really wanted to get up and say yes, get an excuse to start doing something physical. But she stayed put. "You know when I would pray, I'd hate to have a couple hooligans whacking each other with sticks hanging around," she said, amused. "So maybe in a minute, when Joan's done, eh squirt?"

**COYOTE**

Jasper scowled. Maybe Raef would do the stick exercise with her.

Joan looked amused. “I’m used to her fidgeting.”

“Who would you even pray to?” Jasper said.

**ABBY**

Gavi flinched. Yeah, now that was the question. "S'kinda why I came to see you guys." She looked down picking up a few pebbles and rattling them around in her hand. "Was thinking maybe uh. Maybe I'd pray to Iomedae?"

**COYOTE**

Joan stared at Gavi. Then, slowly, started to grin. She nodded slowly. “Huh.”

Jasper scoffed.

Joan snapped her fingers at Jasper. “Hey. Rude.” Jasper flipped her off with both hands. To Gavi, Joan said, “Yeah, man. Siddown. How do you usually pray?”

**ABBY**

Gavi grinned slightly at the byplay, but it faded quickly. "Sometimes I'd find somewhere quiet, set up an alter, pray like that. A lot of the time when I was battling I'd be praying too, kinda?" Gavi shrugged. "Hard to explain. S'when I always felt closest to... Gruumsh. Maybe a paladin thing though."

**COYOTE**

“Yeah. That makes sense,” Joan said. “Me too, sometimes.” She hummed quietly to herself. “I’m praying to Io about the battle yesterday. I’m having a moral crisis. The orcs’ve always been stuck with shit land and shit circumstances. And people turn violent when they’re trapped like that. Doesn’t seem fair to kill them. Can’t let them hurt my Sanctuary either, though.” Couldn’t let them hurt Amari. “But I think I’ve come to a conclusion, at least for myself.”

**ABBY**

Gavi tensed up, shifting slightly. "What are you planning on doing to them?" she asked. Joan had been good to Gavi so far. Given her a fair shake, even though Gavi prolly hadn't earned it. Likely she'd give Hezekiah, Tamar, and Adullam one too. Still put her on edge.

**COYOTE**

“I spoke to Io about it,” Joan said. “She doesn’t say anything back, but talking through it helps me.”

She idly plucked a blade of grass.

“I will do my best here, at the Sanctuary,” Joan said. “I’ll treat the few prisoners we have well, and try to protect them. And I’ll try to protect everyone at the Sanctuary if there are more attacks.” She looked away. “But that’s all I can do. That’s the conclusion I came to. This war is terrible but I can’t stop it, and I need to protect myself and my loved ones.”

She pressed her hand to her heart.

“But I put my faith in Io,” Joan said. “Things work out when people do their best. I am one cog in her machine.”

**ABBY**

This wasn't a guarantee. Gavi bit back the urge to say that, demand Joan do more somehow. That wasn't what she was here for. "And who does Io look out for?" Gavi asked. Would Io look out for my kind? Gavi left unsaid.

**COYOTE**

“Io looks after the weak,” Joan said after a moment. “Or at least— ah, that’s a tricky question. Io guides us to protect the weak. She guides us to save each other. She shields the mistreated.”

**ABBY**

"My people aren't weak," Gavi said. "Lotta people would say we're the mistreaters."

**COYOTE**

“You can be mistreated and mistreat others,” Joan said. “The abusers are often abused.” Joan rubbed her face. “Yeah, I’m probably biased. I used to be a real nasty piece of shit before Io took a shine to me. Look, just because people fuck up sometimes doesn’t mean they’re bad. I prayed to Io, and I know what Io would do. She’d say it was unacceptable to let Bloodgrut attack and murder innocent folks. We need to protect them. But it ain’t fucking fair to the orcs, either. She’s see that, and try to show them a different path.”

**ABBY**

Gavi studied Joan for a second. Least half of that sure sounded good. But Gavi wasn't about to be bought off with 'half'. "Maybe we ain't the bad guys here," she said coldly. "Maybe we're fighting for what we deserve and th' others need to fuck off and let us have what's ours."

**COYOTE**

“What makes it yours?” Jasper said coldly. Sharply.

**ABBY**

"Cause--" Gavi pulled up short. Cause Gruumsh said so.

Except she didn't believe in that fuck any more. Gavi deflated, leaning back on her hands. "Actually, fuck me if I know," she said in befuddlement.

**COYOTE**

Jasper started to laugh. Joan looked amused. “Hey,” Joan said. “Not to derail, but I’ve got a question. The fuck is up with you and Mishka? He came home looking like a puffed-up cat the other day. Said something about talking to you.”

**ABBY**

Gavi scowled. Now there was something she could get mad about. "Fucker came over and started trying to pick a fight while I was tending to the orcs. I shut the door in his face." Hang on. "He was real upset about it?" Gavi started grinning slowly. Maybe it was worth backing out of a fight, just for that.

**COYOTE**

“Oh yeah,” Joan said. She kept grinning. “He hates it when people won’t argue with him. Y’know if you piss him off too bad, though, he might make charcoal out’ve you.”

**ABBY**

"Eh, I'm dyin' anyway," Gavi waved her hand dismissively. "That'd be a way to go though. Fucking hilarious. Prick of a knife-ear."

**COYOTE**

“Hey.” Joan frowned, but was unable to argue. “I like him.” She pulled her pipe out of her pocket and cupped her hand to light it. “Probably good for him to have someone to argue with. Hey, how come you lot don’t like elves, anyway?”

**ABBY**

"Cause their wea-- shit." Gavi collapsed onto the ground, staring up at the sky. "That's another thing from fucking Gruumsh isn't it."

**COYOTE**

“Yeah, that’s some bullshit,” Jasper announced. She kicked Gavi in the ribs. “Hey. Hit sticks with me.”

“Hey. Kid. Fuck off. She’s having a crisis.”

Jasper grumbled and left to go find someone else.

**ABBY**

"I'll show you hitting with sticks," Gavi muttered under her breath. With no bite to her tone. It almost seemed like Gavi should be angry. Like she should be furious. But she'd already known Gruumsh was bad news. And now she was realizing, just how deep Gruumsh had got his hooks in her.

"My whole fucking life has been about serving Gruumsh," Gavi said. "Then I realized he was fucking with me-- with us. Now?" she laughed bitterly, dragging her hand down her face. "Joan I am just as fucking Gruuman as I ever was."

**COYOTE**

Joan smoked quietly for a moment. She toyed with the pipe. “Yeah? How long ago did you have this realization? How long ago your powers stopped working?”

**ABBY**

"Uh, about... four days ago?" Shit. Seemed like a lot longer.

**COYOTE**

“Maybe give yourself a bit more time,” Joan said. “You been underwater a long time, Gavi. Give yourself a moment to fuckin’ breathe.” She offered Gavi a cigarette.

**ABBY**

Huh. Yeah, when Joan put it that way... Gavi sat up and accepted the cigarette, lighting it from Joan's pipe. "Maybe I'm doing pretty fucking good then," she said and took a drag. "S'been fucking four days and I'm re-thinking my life already. God." Gavi ran her hand through her hair. "I don't know if I know how deep this shit runs for me." Probably not. As long as Gavi could remember it was Gruuman doctrine being spouted at everyone. No wonder her people were such a mess.

**COYOTE**

“Well I was going to say it’s alright, you’ve got time to figure it out, but, well,” Joan said, amused. “Guess fucking not, huh.”

**ABBY**

"Yeah." Gavi's expression darkened. "You think Io's the forgiving sort that'll take that I'm doing my best?" she asked. Not like Gavi had much choice though. She knew what was coming from Gruumsh, at least with Io she had a chance.

**COYOTE**

“Yeah, I burned down a whole fucking temple down once,” Joan admitted. “She forgave me. All Io wants is for you to do better.”

**ABBY**

Gavi gave Joan a look. "You fucking did what?" That was not something she had expected to hear from Joan of all people.

**COYOTE**

Joan winced and shut her mouth. She rubbed her face. “Yeah. I, uh... I was on guard duty.” Her eyes shifted away. “It was my birthday. I was pissed. I was twenty-five. I didn’t have any paladin powers because Io didn’t like me. I was older than any other acolyte. I failed my paladin test that morning. So... a man paid me to fuck off guard duty, said he wanted to rob the temple. I took his money and fucked off guard duty and went whoring, and in the morning when I came back... he’d burned down the temple with everyone inside.”

Felt easier admitting it a second time. She set the pipe aside. Talking about it still made her stomach sick and knotted with shame.

“Destroyed the main temple in Calimport,” she said. “When I got there it was just... ash and rubble.”

**ABBY**

"Huh." Guess Joan had had an irresponsible shit phase too. For some reason that surprised her. "Y'know saying it the way you did makes it seem like you had a lot more fucking direct hand in this right?"

**COYOTE**

“My fucking fault either way, isn’t it? I didn’t light the match but I knew what I was doing.”

**ABBY**

"Yeah guess so." Gavi took another drag from the cigarette. She had more questions but half suspected it'd be a bad time after that confession. Eh fuck it, Joan knew Gavi was a dick. "What's it like where they're at now?" she asked. "Io's afterlife. What's the deal on that?"

**COYOTE**

“Mm. I’m not sure. They say it’s a big, flat field with rolling hills... full of keeps and houses... and Io is there.”

**ABBY**

Gavi tapped a few more times than necessary at her cigarette, scattering ash across the ground. "And what do they do there?" she asked lowly, staring at it. Maybe it'd sound good, but she'd grown up having 'endless bloodshed' spun in a way that sounded real fucking nice. Wasn't sure how she was gonna trust this.

**COYOTE**

“Dunno. Suppose some people fight. Suppose most people rest or drift about with their families. Mishka says people can come back as babies after they’re dead— maybe some people rest a while, then get bored and come back to fight some more.”

**ABBY**

Somewhere along the line Gavi'd started picking at her cigarette. It disintegrated into tobacco and sparks in her hand. "Shit," she hissed, brushing her stinging palms off on her clothes.

It put her on edge. Hearing about the afterlife. Sounded fucking good, but everyone always wanted to make this shit sound good. What other choice did Gavi have though? Okay well, maybe a fucking lot but she'd have the same problem.

"Y'know it's hard for me to trust that's gonna turn out as good as it sounds now," she said abruptly. "After what I saw with fucking Gruumsh. S'there uh, any way to verify that?"

**COYOTE**

“Nah,” Joan said. “What are you supposed to do, die, meet Iomedae, and come back?”

**ABBY**

Gavi chucked bitterly. "Yeah well when you put it like fucking that."

**COYOTE**

“Yeah.” Joan shrugged. “I dunno. Suppose you’ve just gotta... pray about it, see how you feel. See if it makes sense to you.”

**ABBY**

"Nothing makes sense to me any more." Now Gavi wished she hadn't wrecked her cig. "I gotta do something though. Fucking... Gruumsh has already got a claim to me cause I'm a fucking orc." She ran a hand through her hair and gripped it. "Great fucking reason to convert eh? Cause I'm scared of the other god breathing down my neck, running to Iomedae to hide."

**COYOTE**

“Hey. It’s a temporary solution.”

**ABBY**

"What's so temporary about handing my soul over to some fucking human god?" Gavi snapped. "With this rot in my bones I'm gonna keel over and then I ain't gonna have no chance to change my mind!"

**COYOTE**

“Look,” Joan said. “Sometimes when you’re in a storm, you grab the first piece of driftwood you can find. You’re in a bad fucking situation, Gavi. All you need to do for a while is keep your head above water and breathe.” She stood up. “Eventually you’ll find land. It just isn’t in sight yet. Io’s the driftwood and... who knows where or what dry land is. Fuck, I’m not making sense. Fucking... Amari is better at this shit than me.”

**ABBY**

Or she'd drown before she managed to find shore.

That kinda fucking pessimistic thinking wasn't helping anybody. Yeah, Gavi was in a rough spot. And what looked like her best option right now, was Iomedae. Gavi stood up too, quirking an attempt at a wry smile. "You're doing fucking fine. Thanks Joan." She fidgeted, shifting her weight. "So then. How uh... how do you pray?"

**COYOTE**

Joan shrugged. “When I need Io’s help, I sit here, in this spot, and close my eyes, and explain it to her, and I ask for her guidance. And... she doesn’t talk back, but... I feel like she guides me through it and helps me think. And I pray for the strength to solve my problems myself, and the power to help my people and shit. And once I’m done, I thank her. I do that every morning. Io is a practical god. She doesn’t ask for rituals or sacrifice or incense. I worship her through my actions and deeds.”

**ABBY**

Gavi'd heard of some gods that really were hung up on rituals and the like. She took a special glee in burning their shit for rituals. Or, used to? Shit maybe that was something else to be fucking praying about.

"Sounds like my type of worship," she said. "Actions and deeds huh. What kind was again? Protecting and shit right?"

**COYOTE**

“Yeah. Y’know. Protecting people from... monsters. Or other people. Or armies of orcs.” Joan gestured to the Sanctuary.

**ABBY**

Something about set Gavi's hackles to raising. But she was being introspective and shit right now. Trying to figure where the line was between Gavi and Gruumsh.

My people don't fucking know better. They'd talked about that already. Y'know these people are pacifists right? They were asking for it. Sounded like something Gruuman-Gavi would say. This new Gavi still couldn't quite put her finger on what was wrong.

"I keep wantin' to defend my people," she said slowly. "Cause we got our reasons. And other than following a fucking liar of a god I still ain't sure what's... wrong with 'em. Strong's gonna take what they can, if you're too weak to--" oh. Hang on was that it? Protector vs a conqueror. Gavi felt like she was looking down two paths at the same time. Fucking... headache was what it was.

**COYOTE**

“What if somebody attacked your people like that?” Joan said. “Elves. What if they attacked you because they wanted to take what was theirs?”

**ABBY**

"I'd fucking kill 'em," Gavi said. Not even thinking about it. (Part of her still wanted to fucking argue. Elves had started it, they were just finishing it. War was ugly like that.) But that was the Gruuman part of her. (She thought.) "I'm... starting to see how that's real fucking.... Gruuman still," she said slowly.

**COYOTE**

“You’d protect your people from attackers,” Joan said. “That’s natural. Everyone does that. That’s why I’m protecting the Sanctuary from your people.”

**ABBY**

"Mmm." That was one way of looking at it. "But Io wouldn't like me supportin' 'em in that," she said quietly. Gavi wanted the warring to stop-- she wanted it to stop so orcs would stop dying. Hadn't much cared if the Sanctuary got razed or not. What Gavi'd cared about was the orc lives that'd be lost in the attempt.

Maybe that'd always be a part of her. Looking out for her orcs. Just needed to get more comfortable with the idea that maybe... they weren't always as in the right as they thought they were.

**COYOTE**

“Io would want you to protect the weak and innocent from attackers. Whether they were orcs or humans or elves.”

**ABBY**

Gavi grimaced a bit. There were a lot of weak out there. (As much as she was ashamed of herself-- Timur came to mind.) All those fucking clerics, scrawny guards that didn't know jack-shit about their job-- wait a sec.

"I can't go around breakin' fingers any more can I," she said. Yep. This Gruumsh thinkin' ran real deep. "Shit."

**COYOTE**

“Haha. Yeah,” Joan said, amused. “Yeah. I went through that little realization too. No more beating up nerds for their market money.”

**ABBY**

Gavi let out a short bark of laughter. Even though she wasn't all that amused. "Shit. I'm a real fucking piece of work. You sure Io's gonna want me? I wouldn't fucking want me. Goddamn."

**COYOTE**

"That's up to Io," Joan said.

[end]

**ABBY**  12:13 PM

Title: Gavi's Conversion

Summary: Gavi goes to ask Joan about Iomedae and converts to following her now. Has some realizations about how Gruuman she still was. Jasper is there for a little bit.