Quotes: Season 4

## Darnette's Day Out (1/30/22)

*On their way to Baldur's Gate to charter a ship back to Aprenditis Arcamedis, the Sages are intercepted by House Spencer representatives. Lady Isabel has extended an invitation for the Sages to her castle in New Hope. Accepting, they meet the Lady and, after some good old fashioned Free Lands hospitality, accept two quests: to discourage her daughter, Sir Reagan, from pursuing an adventurer's life; and to investigate some abandoned mines currently being explored by some Poisoned Mountain dwarves.*

**Herbert Strickland:** Syrup?

**\*Damien hands him wyvern poison\***

**Tower:** How do you draw such a perfect circle?

**Brugo and Damien:** Years of practice.

**DM:** “As I load a slug into the back of my water bottle–”

**Damien: \***looking around anxiously in an alley\* I make an *Armand* check..

**Tower:** “Decanter of Endless Beignets”

**Brugo:** “Never count on anyone else but yourself”

**Armand:** “Right cuz you never got any help from any of us”

**Matthias:** BRUGO, THE LIBERTARIAN!?

**Tower:** I seek pixie dust!

**DM:** you mean pixie dust-or ***(mischievious grin)*** *pixie dust* ;)

**Peyton:** Joni *EARNED* that ASS!

## The Tower's Final Stand (2/6/22)

*Back in Apprenditis Arcamedis, the Sages train and shop while waiting for Von Keimer’s request to stay in town for one week to expire. Sadly, as Tower and Brugo venture unhidden in the city, Quinn finds them. Without their friends, the two do their best to survive. But Quinn's flames prove too deadly, and scores of townspeople die. And so too do Brugo and the Tower.*

\*Griffons saddlebag spawns a perfect wrist arrow for armand and a lava regalia for tower, both of which they CANNOT AFFORD\*

**Brugo:** I believe I have been sufficiently cowed, you may put those away ***\*in reference to Joni and Armand’s thighs\****

**Skuda, sending:** Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha get fucked. Ha ha ha ha ha poop.

## Brugo's New Beginning (2/13/22)

*Reeling from Tower and Brugo’s deaths, they endeavor to bring them both back. With the help of their new druid friend Natalie, they’re able to bring Brugo back–as a halfling. However Tower’s soul is unable to return to her body, no matter what they try. And so, Duke Oberon cuts ties with the Sages as they wonder what to do now with their friend dead…*

**Armand:** Natalie, I hope it’s not off-putting, but I use a lot of poison.

**Armand:** Brugo, is that you?

**Brugo:** Of course that’s my fucking name you nitwit!

**Brugo inspecting his new halfling body:** Oh nooo, what is Skuda going to think…

## Reintroducing: Delilah Tealeaf (2/20/22)

*As the Sages navigate Apprenditis to determine their next move, they’re confronted by…Tower?! No, this is Delilah. Hieronymous, Tower’s brother, attempted to resurrect Delilah Tealeaf with the desperate notion it might bring Tower  back. Instead, it returned the soul of the original owner of Tower’s newfound body, Delilah Tealeaf.  Weaponless and penniless, she entreats the Sages for their help in returning her to her home of Svlusbar’s Blessing. With Delilah in tow, the Sages teleport back to House Byron to start making their way back to Professor Magnussen.*

**Armand:** The Tower would go into the Abyss for any one of us.

**Natalie:** …I don’t know if she’d do it for me, but–

**Delilah:** Are you going to finish that soup?

**Natalie:** Uhhhh do you want some?

**Delilah:** It is your soup-when it is no longer *your* soup, I would like to make it *my* soup.

**Joni**: COVEN? COVERN ANYONE?

**Joni to brugo**: Sorry honey, you’ve got a penis, you can’t be in a coven!

**Brugo:** I well-you can’t-I suppose you’re right..

**Brugo:** I cast minor illusion and put an angry eyebrow on the eye!

The Eye: >:(

**Roxie:** I’m wearing sunglasses and a hood like a canceled celebrity

**Natalie:** Do you have a restaurant attached or something? I only had half a soup today.

**Armand:** Give me one pancake.

**Natalie:** That’s so sad. Are you calorie counting?

\*Armand has a dry pancake and one vodka shot\*

## All for One, One Day to be Found (2/27/22)

*The Sages enlighten House Byron to Tower’s death. They consult Constiglio the necromancer for different options of finding and resurrecting Tower’s soul. With Natalie and Damien’s access to giant eagles, the Sages begin their skyward journey to the Professor. First stop: the Monks in Kharg Canyon, who may have answers regarding Tower’s soul.*

**Armand puts “band of lost and found” on towers grave**

**Armand:** “When we get you back, I’ll put this on. And we’ll never lose you again.”

Armand joyously spreads a light potion in the sky as they fly through the sky

Brugo in a bag

“Brugo do you get in the bag?”

“Do I have to?...i kind of envisioned it as a group thing”

## The Steps of Enlightenment (3/6/22)

*The Sages ascend the Steps of Enlightenment, a grueling climbing trial. At the top, they pass the monks’ trials and become honorary monks of the monastery. There, they consult the wisdom of the four Masters, including the sagely Grandmaster Zhangnien of Air.*

Damiens hand absolutely demolishes a scorpion

**Damien:** Can I do a little anthropology here: is that cheating? **\*about flying up the steps of enlightenment\***

**Delilah:** My hands are definitely bleeding.

**Armand:** I feel nothing. Only the journey.

**DM:** Brugo, your Strength saving throw?

**Brugo:** I’mma be honest boys………………………………………………………..NAT 20!

**Damien, feather falling and hitting his head against the steps**: “ow, ow, ow, ow”

**Delilah:** I feel like Alexei Honnoldus, the dwarf who free solo-ed Mt. Cyrus.

\*after we climbed the Steps of Enlightenment\*

**Delilah**: I go to feed the koi fish, then see the sign that says “Don’t feed the fish!” with a smiling cartoon of the master monk.

**The red monk, to damien:** It appears the dance of your sword matches the dance of your hips ;)

**Taelen in the background:** OOOOOOOOOO!

**Grandmaster Zhangnien:** I know not the nature of your *MukMuk*

**Aaron:** Is there a red line for the Master of fire?

**Grandmaster of Fire:** You are not a prisoner here, you are only a prisoner of yourself.

**Master Yuanding:** How can I help you?

**Delilah:** Could you teach us the way of the silkworm? The way of the zafu?

**Master Yuanding:** Each silkworm has its own soul, its own desire to create. If we ourselves are such worms, what zafus could we create?

**Delilah, overcome with emotion:** How did you find such beautiful creatures?

**Peyton, returning to the chat:** did I miss anything?

**Matthias:** we’re getting Zafu pilled

## The Politeness, and Welcome to Svlusbar's Blessing! (3/6/22)

*The Sages spend their final day in the monastery. Brugo is forced to surrender some of his father’s darker artifacts, as Grandmaster Zhangnien declares they may upset the balance. The Grandmaster also introduces the Sages to the Patience, a diplomatic pit fiend acting on behalf of the first Archdevil of Hell. He relays key information regarding Tower’s soul: she has been conscripted into the Blood War against Orcus, and short of a deal, her soul is irretrievable. With their newfound answers, the party ventures forward: to Svlusbar’s Blessing!*

**DM:** “Flurry of blows a slap-chop.”

\*Monk Gee-ahn looks aside to gesture to the waterfall\*

\*when he turns around Delilah has already jumped into the water\*

**Armand**: “The post-nut clarity will hit hard tonight.”

The sages meet The Politeness

**Armand:** “I ropecaster the lotion bottle.”

**Damien:** I pull out my Bardic Gat.

**DM:** The Bard told me to use the 9.

**Delilah:** Make yourselves at home.

**Damien:**Great, I’ll–

**Armand:** Dibs-on-the-couch.

**Damien:** GAHHHH!

**Sheriff Willoughby:** You buying feed for those giant birds of yours? Cuz if I hear about townsfolk missing their feed–

**Delilah:** They’re magical eagles, Sheriff, god, they don’t need to eat

**Sheriff Willoughby:** MMHMM.

**Delilah:** You steal a sheriff’s pants once–

**Sheriff Willoughby:** You earned your incarceration, girl!

## Svlusbar's Nightmare (3/17/22)

*Finally settled in Svlusbar's Blessing, the Sages take the time to get to know the town and relax. The members each teach their expertise to the children of the town, while Delilah gets reacquainted with her friends and family. After Damien sets up a chili carnival for the town, the townsfolk come out for a joyous celebration! Through the revelry, Natalie takes the time to commune with nature...and discovers a dark side to the merriment. The plants beg to be killed. Svlusbar seems to be the culprit. After a tense confrontation with Delilah (which revealed she wasn't cursed) they journeyed to Svlusbar's Crevasse. With night coming on, they quickly fleed back to town, paranoia in their veins...*

**Armand:** Me? SORDID? I saved everyone’s life!

**Armand:** Yeah, I can hold a course on stalking.

**Damien:** …Deer. Hold a course on stalking deer. Let’s finish that sentence.

**Armand:** I’m gonna tell the kid0, “Stand here.” Then I’m going to walk into the woods.

**Child:** Look, my spell makes the Republicer die!

**Brugo:** I am a Republicer!

**Sheriff, Sampling all of the chili for security reasons**: Mrs. Farkle, this is some very adequate chili, ma’am. Go on ahead.

**Delilah:** Thanks everyone for coming to Damien’s Chili Carnival. Damien, why don’t you tell everyone what the winner will get?

**Damien:** Ahhh, thank you, for putting me in that position!

**Mrs. Farkle:** That’s enough of you Meredith! \*strikes her in the face\*

**The plants:** REAP US, KILL US!

**Natalie:** JESUS!

**DM:** Remember when you ate a leaf in the second grade cuz it looked yummy?

**Damien:** THAT WAS MY DAAAAD!

\*Damien’s chili competition summons a fey miracle\*

**Natalie:** You know how I can use spells to commune with nature and talk to trees?

**Armand:** Yes yes, I’m the only one who can’t cast magic, I get it.

**Natalie:** I talked to the plants and they asked me to kill them.

**Armand:** Okay. Is that not normal?

**Brugo:** Natalie, what’s wrong?

**Armand:** The plants want to die!

**Brugo:** Alright, what have we got?

**Natalie:** ***\*shakily\**** A 5 leaf clover.

**Delilah**: Wooooowwwwww. Run for the hills, everybody.

Delilah’s chair is glitching through the floor

**Joni:** ***approaches Delilah with staff:*** Alright, now I need you to–

**Delilah:** \*opens mouth\* ahhhhhhhhh.

**Joni:** Alright, perfect.

**Natalie:** Oh Jesus..

**Brugo:** Who is that!?

**Damien and Armand:** The Primordial Human!

**\*we walk down into the crevasse. It’s dark. We run back in a fright\***

**Damien:** Alright everyone, form a Grim Congo line!

## Meeting Up with the Major (3/24/22)

*Finally settled in Svlusbar's Blessing, the Sages take the time to get to know the town and relax. The members each teach their expertise to the children of the town, while Delilah gets reacquainted with her friends and family. After Damien sets up a chili carnival for the town, the townsfolk come out for a joyous celebration! Through the revelry, Natalie takes the time to commune with nature...and discovers a dark side to the merriment. The plants beg to be killed. Svlusbar seems to be the culprit. After a tense confrontation with Delilah (which revealed she wasn't cursed) they journeyed to Svlusbar's Crevasse. With night coming on, they quickly fleed back to town, paranoia in their veins...*

Delilah: \*after Torrik details the destruction in Baldur’s Gate\* Wow, I’m an adventurer now.

The Major: That’s a damn good trench, sir.

Ron, politely: I would like to make a suggestion to add to the horror!

3/31

Verreth; You have to leave some alive to tell the tale.

Ron: That’s what the horses are for.

Verreth: “Should we go after them? Neighh, neighh!”

4/17

Battle

4/24

“Your soul is forfeit.” -Damien killing Sir Galt

5/1

\*as a bandit is smushed by horse hooves\* “The origin of Flat Stanley.” -Armand

Aqualian

“You think I need your power? I’ve felt true power in this body. Power so hot it felt like a volcano in my body. Keep your cold slime and detritus to yourself.” -Delilah to Kn’aan

“As Delilah slashes into Kn’aan, Toni and Jorrik forget that this body was ever the Tower. Or that it’s even Delilah now. Because the two, in that moment, as her blade burns with a hot white energy, Tower and Delilah seem synonymous as one being.”

Delilah, Torrik, and Joni slay Kn’aan the Ever-reaching

5/8

“Let this be known in Verreth’s lands–murder hoboing will be met with \_\_\_”

“The amount of skill needed to craft that crown–” -Brugo

“The amount you could PAWN IT FOR!!” -Armand

“Is he Bovine Shaped?”-Matthias

“As Magistrate Halifax addresses the peasants: MOOOOve on.” -DM

“Is his WIFE bovine shaped!?”

“The Duchess, in her infinite wisdom, pre-seasoned the fish in the rivers.” -Damien

“Small gnomish man whose cart broke down–take everything we have.” -Armand

5/15

Sgt mccue with reforged hope “saves” the sages

Armand left behind

“WE’RE OKAY” -Armand

“THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT YOUD SAY IF YOU WERE CHARMED” -Reforged Hope

“WE’RE NOT IN DANGER”

“THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT YOUD SAY IF YOU WERE CHARMED”

“FOR THE LOVE OF THE REAPER, LET ME GO!”

5/22

“There must be ways to get the truth out of me–god, I hope not involving torture.” -Armand

I’m sure we’ll find something interesting in these.” -Viscount, holding the Sages’ bags

“You’ll find druidsmoke in mine.” -Armand

Delilah and Joni and Torrik hold hands as theyre guided through Maricapere

“Your Grace.” -Armand

“ \*under her breath\* Ah shoot, it’s ‘your grace,’ not ‘your Duchessness.’” -Delilah

“Look how far we’ve come from convincing a peasant boy to get into a barrel of butter.” -DM

“\*hoarsely\* Damien…what the fuck is a fire truck?” -Brugo

“What did they say about absolute power?” -Armand

“That it’s really cool.” -Damien

Fridis, November 3rd

DEADLINE: December 1st

5/29

Duchess’s long monologue about how Armand is special

“\*BURP\*” -Delilah

### 6/5/22

“So I’m about to say a lot of funny things.” -Delilah

“You notice a troubling lack of mirrors in this VAMPIRE CASTLE” -DM

\*Damien pulling out his compact mirror\*

“Alright lets see the damage-GAHHHHHOOOHAA MY SKIN IS LIKE LEATHER! I VIGOROUSLY APPLY SOOTHING OINTMENTS!” -Damien, as if it could be anyone else

6/19

“Forgive me. The door to my room used to be there. I could have sworn there was a door here.” -Damien

“There is only ONE DOOR!”  -Damien

“Sir knight, i might be mistaken, but theres always been two doors.” -Sentry

“THIS MUST BE A CONSPIRACY OF SOME KIND! And the lieutenant smells like sandalwood?! There is trickery afoot good sir!” -Damien

“MR. SENTRY WHY DO YOU ATTEMPT TO BEGUILE ME?!” -Damien

6/26

“This is dinner.” -Damien

“This is hell.”  -Armand

“Blue bread for my blue friend!” -Delilah

“Oh that’s so nice!” -Armand

“Don’t eat it though.” -Delilah as Armand takes a bite

“How adventurous are you feeling at the moment?” -Delilah

“I just got gut-checked by bread, so.” -Armand

“I’m not a vampire, what curiosity would that sate?” -Brugo

“We could change that! \*hisses\*” -Armand

“Brugo, I’m gonna be straight with you. I feel like goblin blood probably tastes bad.” -Armand