Mary Poppins

**Mary Poppins**, alongside Bert, battled Mrs. Claus and Santa Claus in *Mrs. Claus vs Mary Poppins*. She was portrayed by Whitney Avalon.

## Information on the Rapper

**Mary Poppins** is a fictional character and the eponymous protagonist of P. L. Travers' books of the same name along with all of their adaptations. A magical English nanny, she blows in on the east wind and arrives at the Banks home at Number 17 Cherry Tree Lane, London, where she is given charge of the Banks children and teaches them valuable lessons with a magical touch. Travers gives Poppins the accent and vocabulary of a real London nanny: cockney base notes overlaid with a strangled gentility.

Julie Andrews, who played the character in the 1964 film adaptation, received an Academy Award for Best Actress. British film magazine Empire included Poppins (as played by Andrews) in their 2011 list of 100 greatest movie characters. Acclaimed for her performance as Poppins in the 2018 sequel, Emily Blunt received a Golden Globe nomination for Best Actress in a Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical. In the 2004 musical adaptation in the West End, Laura Michelle Kelly received the Olivier Award for Best Actress in a Musical for her performance as Poppins.

## Lyrics

*(Mary's lyrics are in light blue. Lyrics sung alongside Bert are in bold.)*

### Verse 1

When there’s a looming battle to be faced and fought, the lesson is: get right to it.

Practically perfect people prefer to be polite, but sometimes you just have to say “Screw it.”

You never get applause,

You’re the dependent Claus,

You’re known for wrapping toys,

But my rapping skill destroys!

I’m money in the Banks so show some respect,

If you tear me up like paper, then I’ll resurrect,

And I suspect you should check your cholesterol twice,

Hey, fat cat, how are you at catching mice?

You’re like a piecrust, so easily smashed!

I’ll feed the birds what’s left of you once you’ve been trashed!

I hear it’s been years since the North Pole got rigid,

Today’s forecast says you’re entirely frigid!

### Mrs. Claus' Verse

Don’t go there, honey, the word around town

Is just a spoonful of sugar gets you to go down!

The parrot on your parasol does nothing but protest! (Hey!)

You’re a stuck-up servant, ho-ho-horribly dressed!

The biggest charity since ever, we help the masses,

With you, a couple kids get splinters in their asses! (Cheeky!)

Your rhymes are weak - you’re a low stakes player,

Come at me, freak - I’ll one-horse open slay ya!

I’m behind the scenes, but that doesn’t mean I’m dumb,

I run the workshop, keep the books, and advise my sugar plum!

I’m a baker, all about these rolls, a big broad bruiser,

Even your reflection thinks you’re a loser!

### Interlude

I find this a bore, let's double it up.

Oh, bring it on, sister! We will mess your shit up!

*[Bert and Santa Claus enter the battle]*

Bert. Santa. Mary. ...Mrs.?

*[Mrs. Claus hisses]*

### Verse 2

Extemporized before your very eyes,

Love to laugh at jolly guys I despise!

I likes what I raps and I raps what I likes,

Cause damn right Van Dyke rocks these mics!

You’re an icon of greed that’s perverted the season,

You give coal to bad kids, Mary teaches ‘em reason,

She's super classy, swagolistic, extremely ferocious!

**Super classy, swagolistic, extremely ferocious!**

I could do this whole verse backwards, but I truly feel

I’m through wasting my time, because you’re not even real!

### Verse 3

Please don’t act like you’re some kind of saint, Nick.

Always spying on minors: **That’s jailbait, prick!**

### Verse 4

That's quite enough of that, the winds have changed here.

Let's see how well you fly without your reindeer.

## Trivia

* Although based on the Julie Andrews version, Mary Poppins is one of two characters to be portrayed by Emily Blunt in official media, alongside Freya; both were portrayed by Whitney Avalon in the *Princess Rap Battles* series.