How to Ratatwang Your Panda

Hello, before I start this, I know the grammar in this post will be off, but I hope it's at least in some way understandable. If you’re wondering about the film itself, I'm probably not going to send it to any of you due to legal reasons, but don't worry, I will explain this film to you.

There's a scene in Amazing World of Gumball from "The Treasure" about a movie called "How to Ratatwang Your Panda." The appearance of this movie was made as a parody of two mockbuster films by the Brazilian animation studio and home video distributor Video Brinquedo, which are Ratatoing and The Little Panda Fighter respectively. However, the movie was planned to be a real television show. I will explain.

The show itself wasn't made for release due to reasons I'm about to discuss later in the post, but instead was used for parody in Gumball. The reason for this was that Warner Bros. wanted to have the creator of Sammy the Cat make it, but he never did it until now.

It was mainly for other reasons, like focusing on his show; however, it didn't seem like that; he had intentions for the film, and I got involved with him directing the film.

You see, I was more of an animator at Cartoon Network Studios, and our ideas were low, mostly just doing stupid things like sitting around and drinking all day. The other employees were chill and pretty nice.

How did I get involved with this film? Well, judging by the little amount of experience I had with the 3D software, I did what I could to make a perfect film; unfortunately, my ideas were shut off since the director had darker intentions, and my idea on the title card was self-explanatory, so we went with it.

For the film itself, we modeled a panda as the main protagonist, and the bad rats are the main villains of the film. The panda’s name is Chuck, and our idea for the film was to be our version of Dreamworks’ Kung Fu Panda and Disney Pixar’s Ratatouille, or at least inspired by them.

However, the director had his ideas, and due to the film being his movie, he wanted to make it darker and quite disturbing even for the standards of this company, being, you know, aimed at younger audiences, even though we have Adult Swim; heck, his ideas weren't even for that either.

Before we modeled Chuck, the director wanted to make his own costume identical to the panda model so he could attract children and hold them close as they cried out for their parents. Luckily, we refused this idea, and the director listened to us.

It got weirder the next day when the director started talking about including violent moments that wouldn’t make it to children's TV, and yes, if you’re wondering, he mentioned things about harming children on camera, which wasn’t fitting since the plot was about a panda whose enemy is a group of rats, which is pretty innocent.

Even if we didn’t allow a lot of his suggestions, he still kept everything up, and the film was delayed as he kept wanting disturbing content to be added, such as a 1933 stop-motion animated short film from New Zealand called "The Peanut Vendor", and he wanted to include a scene from that short; of course, he wouldn’t include the background song from Red Nichols due to us not owning the rights to it; the creepy part about this short was the design of the monkey itself; and to make matters worse, he wanted to add screaming from children.

While that may not be related, this is what he suggested.

We ended up not including it, but unfortunately, after we left for the day, he snuck into the animating room and started adding his ideas, and to make matters worse, yes, he kidnapped children to do this. How am I aware of this? Well, a friend of mine checks the security cameras periodically, and he shared this with me. We can say that he was definitely creeped out by the thing he was looking at, and I certainly can’t blame him.

However, after the director left, we came back, and nobody in the building knew what happened, so we continued working on the film, played the film on our player, and sat down to watch. The film started with my title card; clearly, this was originally planned to be a show, so I chuckled, and everybody did. I went to our vending machine, put a coin in the slot, and got my diet coke.

As I came back to the couch, the show started, and the rat that’s on Chuck’s good side asked him to pull out his secret weapon.

What we wanted to do was include a fart joke to make babies laugh, but that wasn’t included, even though we remember adding that. Instead, the scene we got was Chuck taking out a katana and slashing the rats, and their insides came out. Yeah, that’s what we saw; we didn’t care as we could take it out, and as the screen was zooming in on the bodies, it cut to the next scene.

What we saw was disturbing, and half of the other animators weren’t looking at the screen.

It was a person in a low-budget costume, resembling Chuck, with what looked like human eyes; he had stitches over his body; there was a video being played over and over of him grabbing rats and hitting their bodies on a rock until it fractured a bone in their bodies. As this graphic scene was happening, I realized that it might’ve been the director playing Chuck in this scene; I should’ve tried to get him to stop.

Some of the animators who weren’t looking at the screen started looking at the screen, just like everyone else; their pupils got smaller, and they were in pure horror. Suddenly, there were sounds of branches being stepped on, and the camera panned out to see who it was—it was a white cat. Just like Chuck, he was covered in stitches, and he had a plastered smile going from cheek to cheek, He also has black patches on his body.

It was Sammy the Cat; well, that’s who I thought it was, since I remembered that it was a character created by the director of this film.

Anyway, Chuck noticed Sammy, and the cat picked up a sledge-hammer and struck the panda with it, shattering the skull as I heard the crack. Instead of a cracking noise, it was a comedic hitting sound, similar to the sound that the 3 Stooges used. Yeah, I agree that it was pretty random to bring up that show, but it is the same sound.

As the cat was mutilating the costumed panda, he grabbed a stick and started jabbing the stick into his chest until it started cutting into the tissue and damaging the organs. After that, he started drawing numerous characters from other CN shows, such as Ed from Ed, Edd n Eddy, and Chowder from the show of the same name, on the panda’s body while making that unpleasant sound of skin tearing and other disgusting crap. I almost puked in my mouth; a lot of animators did.

After the scene, loud and horrible sounds of children screaming would be audible; they were so loud that every employee in the building heard them. Some of them came to the animating room, and they were horrified by the footage being shown.

It was footage from Peanut Vendor, like I mentioned, and what the director suggested.

The Peanut Vendor was selling peanuts, and yes, the design was as disturbing and the same as the original 1933 film, If Len Lye were here, he would be creeped out by the fact that his film was being used in such a way, The footage then stopped with the monkey staring at the viewer, and the screaming from children stopped.

Everybody in the room was getting uncomfortable with the monkey and the look of it in general; it cuts to the front side of CN, the building we’re inside of right now. However, when I noticed something in the window of the building, the employees and animators allowed me to examine it; clearly, it was something paranormal. If I recall, when my friend was looking at the security footage (he’s in the animating room, by the way), he saw an employee start running in the hallway cameras, followed by a gunshot, He didn’t investigate it; he just focused on the man who snuck into the animating room that night.

It was claimed that the figure in the window was the ghost of the employee who worked here. Also, I would like to point out that we at customer service, if you ever ask us about the death of this employee, would say that there weren't any deaths of any employees here.

However, after the last scene ended, the DVD came out of the player. Luckily, we never aired it, but if you want to watch this DVD, you will never watch it, and if you want to watch it, we took the first scene from this film, brought it back to the original animation with the farting scene, and we gave it to Ben Bocquelet so he could include it as a parody in his episode of Amazing World of Gumball, titled, as I mentioned in the beginning of this post, The Treasure.

We never told him about the directors’ idea of the film or showed him any screenshots; we just gave it to him.

I would like to end this post by saying that if you ever contact customer service, you won’t get the answer you’re looking for, and we will say no to this film ever existing, and we will point all signs to the cleaned-up version of the one used in Gumball; watch that instead.

As always, thank you for reading my post. Make sure to not work with a director whose mind is as dark as a dinner that was in the oven for too long.

Written by JosephTheSnail