A Big Cockroach Problem

When I say a 'big cockroach problem' - I mean it in both possible senses of the phrase. This story is about a seedy motel with a big problem with some *very* big cockroaches.

## Revenge of the Coprophages

It was the late 1990s, and Peggy was getting tired on her long journey from Las Vegas to Los Angeles. An inviting-looking motel sat on a grassy hill in California City (approximately halfway between Bakersfield and Barstow) - and Peggy decided to settle down in the warm embrace of the place's vintage charm for what she hoped would be a peaceful night's rest. This, however, was certainly not to be the case. Peggy would later describe the scene as '*horrendous*' in an interview with Jason Offutt.

It was later that same evening, and Peggy had settled herself into her cozy room - already going about lazily viewing whatever was on *VH1* when someone knocked on the door. Approaching said door and opening it as far as she could without unhooking the chain, she could hear a male voice asking to be given some bed linen - but couldn't see anything at that point. As she continued to survey the outside for the source of the voice, she suddenly came to the heart-stopping realisation as to what exactly she was looking at. There was no human outside that could've spoken those words - but what there was instead was an enormous cockroach. This creature was seemingly positioned as if stood upright, and was cleaning its legs '*frenetically*'. It was roughly 6.5ft tall.

Once she'd noticed it, it seemingly didn't take long for it to notice her as well. Upon realising that it was being watched, the horrific creature spat a brown substance towards her. Understandably terrified, Peggy screamed - prompting the brutish bug to utter the word '*why?*'. She gave no response, and figured that the best course of action would be to rush past the monster. She threw the door open and ran down the corridor, passing the slumped body of an unfortunate motel employee. The voluminous vermin scuttled down the hall behind her. Just as she was nearing the exit, the hideous critter caught up with her and grabbed onto her cotton dress. It wrapped its '*doubled-barbed hands*' around her wrists, and its chitinous antennae brushed against her face.

Presumably due to the terror of the situation, Peggy's vision started to grow cloudy as she neared the point of fainting out of fright. However, just in time she remembered an action movie that she had previously seen - and decided to emulate one of the manoeuvres performed by Chuck Norris. She dropped her body down and used this momentum to kick the creature's ankles out from underneath it with her tennis shoes before kicking it in the face for good measure. Stumbling to her feet once again, Peggy took off running once more.

In a continual sequence seemingly right out of an action-horror movie, the cockroach was also able to get back to its feet (or legs?) and continue chasing its terrified prey. It was nearly upon her when she reached the door at the end of the hallway. She threw it open as quickly as she could - before immediately turning and slamming the door shut onto one of the monster's antennae. The creature emitted a high-pitched shriek of a volume and pitch unlike anything Peggy had ever heard before or since.

As Peggy cleared the hotel and sprinted out into the cold nighttime air, a young man who happened to be at a nearby payphone witnessed the monstrous cockroaches pursuing her. Presumably not believing his eyes, he immediately called the police. Almost instantly, two police cars careened onto the scene - prompting the mutant monstrosities to scuttle off out of view, disappearing over a nearby hill.

Peggy finished her story by noting how quickly insects are able to breed - and by bringing up conversations she'd allegedly had with the locals in the area. They said that they'd been seeing '*things flitting behind trees*' - thus leading Peggy to wonder out loud if the colossal cockroaches that had so traumatised her that one night were now breeding out of control in the Californian wilderness...

## Source

'Chasing American Monsters' by Jason Offutt