Best Last Podcast Quotes

There's obviously too many to list, but we can definitely try.

## Opening Intro

"There's no place to escape to... this is the Last Podcast on the Left

"That's when the cannibalism started..."

"Rise from your Grave."

**Ben**: "What was that?"

"OH S\*\*\*!!"

-*intro to podcast (pre-recorded)*

## Signing Off

"Hail Yourselves!"

-*Ben Kissel's outro*

"Hail Satan!"

*-Henry's outro send off*

"Hail Gein!"

*-Marcus' outro send off*

"Hail Me!"

*-Henry's outro send off*

"Megustalations!"

*-Ben's outro send off*

## Best of the Best

"There's Bones in the Chocolate!"

"Get the Net!!"

"Who was phone?!"

"WITH AN AXE!!! (cue guitar rifts)"

"Nerd Alert!"

"I'm having one"

## Ed Gein: A Bit of an Oddball

“You’re out there eh? You’re backing up your car there… where you goin’ with the family? Oh, that’s funny you’re going to Ikea. That’s so weird cause I haven’t been to Ikea in years. I keep it real local… you know what I’m sayin’… real local. Where you goin’ after that, you’re going to Pier 1? That sounds silly to me. Couldn’t caught me dead in Pier 1… (laughter) It’s an inside joke with myself. Have fun now… any of you sick? Any of you not feelin too good? You sure? You’re mother’s lookin kind of big. She’s not feelin too sick? Well I’ll be seeing ya… Oh I’ll babysit anytime don’t you worry.”

-*Ed Gein's First Lines*

"I gotta say Martha, a part of me wanted to throw up and a part of me wanted to be like: That’s Beautiful, He’s a Living Rainbow.”

“Umpher and Vern”

“Why aren’t there any books just called Farmer?”

- *Ben asking about Harold Schechter's book called Deviant*

"**Ed Gein:** You want to come inside and play with these apples I made? I made my own apples.

**Kid:** How do you make your own apples Ed?

**Ed Gein:** There just a bunch of hands"

"(Young Ed putting a steak on his head) Have you seen my new hat? I think it’s fun, it’s keeping the sun out of my eyes. But I keep getting all this blood in my mouth."

“You know I just… I don’t know what to say, I think skeletons are fun little playin blocks.”

- *Young Ed Gein*

“Looks like the pigeons are getting together again… so do we feed em bread?”

“No, no, no George, you know we got to feed em are these dead rats.”

- *Two Wisconsin men talking about the vultures in the trees*

“I see faces in the leaves and they laugh at me and tell me I can’t do it, but I said, it’s too late I already did!”

*- Ed Gein hallusinating*

"**Person**: The strangest thing happened I went to the Gein house to try get some Pork and Beans and then when I got there all I saw was unbridled joy."

"**Ed**: Oh, not too long, I used to have other things to do. I’m deeply in the middle of Mass Effect 3 and I’m tryin to get that done and I’m really perfecting my apple pie recipe and I’m making a hat out of a bunch of hands. It’s a fun little hat."

- *How Gein spends his time*

## Charles Manson: The Maniac Hippie

"I'm afraid of buses. I'm legally not allowed on a bus"

"Bulls scare me man. I can tug a bull's leg watch me go Moo! Moo! Moo! Hey there bull. Moo, moo, moo!!"

- *Charles reminscing of his time with bullriders*

**Henry as Charles Manson:** Yeah, come on horse... this horse is... it's covered in butter!! You know did it man, it was The Man coming down on me, covering all my horses in slick olive oil so I fall right off of them.

**Ben:** Do you think that he probably told someone to butter the horse the night before? (as Manson) Yeah, go out there, butter the horse yeah!.

**Henry:** (as a Manson Family member) But why Charlie why?

**Charles:** Don't ask me why!

**Ben:** Then the next morning at breakfast: "What happened to all the butter?" "I don't know I'm going on the horse"

**Charles:** I'm going to ride that horse over there and it better be good and grippy because I'm going to riding it all over the canyon.

**Ben (as Manson):** That's where the butter was

**Charles:** I gotta write down my commands that I give after 1:00 in the morning.

**Marcus (as Manson):** I'm gotta write 'em down. I'm a give 'em to Squeaky. I'm gonna say: Squeaky you hold onto this until 6 am.

**Charles:** You let me know everything that I agreed to the night before...

**Marcus (as Manson):** And then at 6 am we're gonna decide whether it's a good idea or not.

- *Charles Manson's life on Spahn Ranch*

"I love that people jerky!"

"I rode a spider here today!"

## H.H. Holmes: Beef Jerky in a Top Hat

**Minnie:** My name is Minnie and this is Nannie.
**Nannie:** I'M NANNIE!
**Minnie:** I'M MINNIE!
**Nannie:** HI!
**Minnie** *[to Holmes]*: You're *HENRY!*
**Nannie:** *I'M NANNIE!*
**Minnie:** *I'M MINNIE*

**Minnie:** "*Hi!* I'm *Minnie*!"
**Nannie:** "*Hi!* I'm *Nannie*! This is *Minnie*!"

## Horrors of U.K.: Crypto Tip Toe Through the Tulips

"Slippity Slap and away I go!"

- Spring-Heeled Jack's catchphrase

**Henry**: "Did she like wearing the lipstick or did she like eating the lipstick?

**Ben**: "I think she liked putting the lipsticks on cats

**Henry**: (mimicking Hindley) Hey look it's a lady now."

- *About Myra Hindley*

## Serial Killers and the Women that Love Them

"**Marcus**: (about women who liked David Berkowitz) Now although our next guy didn't get as much attention from the ladies as our last three

**Henry:** I imagine he got the least

**Marcus**: He got the least, women still wrote to our dear old friend David Berkowitz... aka the Son of Sam. Now since Berkowitz was a more "hands-off" killer, using a gun from a distance rather than the "close-up" strangle, stab, murder, rape of most serial killers, he appealed to the more nurturing "I can save him, I can change him" rescue fantasy side."

**David Berkowitz**: (interrupting) I don't think you really understand. Okay yes, it's not sexy as you know heavin' and being on top. Oh God just thinkin' about makes me all sweaty and hard that is. You understand it takes up to 3 minutes to strangle somebody to death, who's got that kind of energy? It takes me... It took me 4 minutes to put on my shoes this morning. And oh God, I think I'm really allergic to some of the materials in the shoes, I got these weird welts on my fingertips. I dunno where it came from; I think I'm sick or I'm stressed. I haven't been sleeping very well. Oh, my neighbour's been playing television so loud. At the same time, it is a funny show, I love that Anger Management show. It is very funny, Charlie Sheen, oh he's worth whatever cent you can get him for. But to say that I'm less sexy because I shoot people it takes a skill. It takes prop... it takes proper maintenance of a weapon... you don't understand oh...

**Ben**: You shot at like 9 people I think you only hit four.

**David Berkowitz**: Oh because in the end it's not about the result it's about the journey. It's not about the destination... (begins wheezing)... oh

**Ben**: Are you okay?

**David Berkowitz**: Hey wait a second do you have a cat?

**Ben**: I do

**David Berkowitz**: Oh that is just, you may as well just put me on Death Row, then...

**Ben**: You are on Death Row.

**David Berkowitz**: Oh... OH GOD.

**Marcus**: Yeah Berkowitz got letters saying things like "I think you're sexy and handsome and misunderstood."

**David Berkowitz**: Thank you somebody said it! Somebody knew

**Ben**: Someone did say that to you in a letter yes...

**David Berkowitz**: Can you please find my mother and tell her the same thing?

- *David Berkowitz*

## Enfield Poltergeist: Oh Crumbs!

"**Peggy**: And I got to tell you it's different than any other pains me got... Yeah, I got hook feet. You know what I mean... I got sandy ankles. It's everything down there. I got rag lung.

**Ben**: (as a doctor) What... Hold on... hold on you've got "rag lung?"

**Peggy**: I got rag lung from the fibres.

**Ben**: From the fibres of all the rags you clean?

**Peggy**: Always scrapping and digging in the hard stains on the rags there

**Ben**: Well I've never heard of that before

**Peggy**: Well it's because you're not a rag woman are you!

## John List: I Make This Look Bland

**Henry:** (on Marcus' upbeat attitude): When Marcus becomes an old timey peanut salesman, that's how I know Carolina is dead

## Fire in the Sky!!

"**Shipmate:** Klaxar do you have a Mary Claire Credit Card?

**Klaxar:** I do, I do, but it's maxed out."