Fun Song Factory - Nursery Rhyme Land (1997)

**Fun Song Factory - Nursery Rhyme Land (1997)** is a UK VHS release by Polygram Video/Tempo Pre-School on 3rd November 1997.

## Fun Song Factory - Nursery Rhyme Land (1997)

### Release Date

**This page is a candidate for deletion.**

*Remember to check what links here and the page history before deletion.*

## Presenters

* Dave Benson Phillips
* Sarah Davison
* Iain Lauchlan
* Nick Mercer (The Grand Old Duke of York)

## Guests and Others

* SuperTed
* Ozzy Octave
* Fred Q. Tixer
* Sally Cat
* The Paint Tins
* The Audience

## Children

* Georgie Couch
* Dayle Hodge
* Hanna Pearce
* Vanessa Solis
* Zizi Vaign-Court Strallen
* Rachel Ward

## Songs

1. Fun Song Factory Opening Theme
2. Polly Put the Kettle On
3. This Old Man *(Knick Knack Paddywhack)*
4. Sing a Song of Sixpence
5. Michael Finnegan
6. Georgie Porgie
7. Simple Simon
8. Little Jack Horner
9. Jack Sprat
10. Jack Be Nimble
11. Peter Piper
12. She Sells Sea Shells
13. Mary Had a Little Lamb
14. Jack and Jill
15. Rub a Dub Dub
16. Goosey Goosey Gander
17. There was a Crooked Man
18. Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear
19. The Bear Went Over the Mountain
20. Tommy Thumb
21. Two Fat Gentlemen
22. Old Mother Hubbard
23. There was an Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe
24. There was an Old Woman Tossed Up in a Basket
25. Do You Know the Muffin Man?
26. Bobby Shaftoe
27. Miss Polly Had a Dolly
28. Doctor Foster
29. Frere Jacques *("Brother John")*
30. Oranges and Lemons
31. Pop Goes the Weasel
32. Pussy Cat, Pussy Cat
33. Old King Cole
34. The Grand Old Duke of York
35. Fun Song Factory Closing Theme

## Transcript

The whistle’s blowing loudly

Another day begins

Inside the Fun Song Factory

With lots of songs to sing.

Fun Song, Fun Song

Fun Song Factory

There’s nowhere else quite like it

It’s the Fun Song Factory

**Ozzy:** It's time to visit the Fun Song Factory!

(Cheering and applause)

Songs to sing along with

Sorts of things to do

Just ask the Fun Song Factory

To play each one for you

Fun Song, Fun Song

Fun Song Factory

There’s nowhere else quite like it

It’s the Fun Song Factory

Fun Song, Fun Song

Fun Song Factory

There’s nowhere else quite like it

It’s the Fun Song Factory.

**Kids:** Yeah!

(Cheering and applause)

**Ozzy:** Hello everyone. Look who's working in the Fun Song Factory today? It's Georgie and Zizi.

**Georgie & Zizi:** Hello.

**Ozzy:** Oh look! What's this, a kettle! It looks as if the factory had started already! Come on, you know this one!

Polly put the kettle on

Polly put the kettle on

Polly put the kettle on

We'll all have tea.

Sukey take it off again

Sukey take it off again

Sukey take it off again

They've all gone away.

**Ozzy:** It's Dayle and Vanessa.

**Dayle & Vanessa:** Hello, look what the factory's given us.

Polly do the washing up

Polly do the washing up

Polly do the washing up

We need clean cups.

**Ozzy:** It's Rachel and Hanna.

**Rachel & Hanna:** Hello.

**Ozzy:** Oh look! Tea towels! Oh-ho-ho! The Factory's working well now!

Sukey do the drying up

Sukey do the drying up

Sukey do the drying up

We'll all have tea.

**Ozzy:** And now you've got the mops! Are you all joining in?

Polly wash the kitchen floor

Polly wash the kitchen floor

Polly wash the kitchen floor

We'll all have tea.

**Ozzy:** Oh you missed a bit!

Sukey washed the bits you missed

Sukey washed the bits you missed

Sukey washed the bits you missed

We'll all have tea.

**Ozzy:** Oh it must be time for tea now. Come on everyone join in!

Polly put the kettle on

Polly put the kettle on

Polly put the kettle on

We'll all have tea.

Sukey take it off again

Sukey take it off again

Sukey take it off again

They've all gone away.

**Kids:** Hooray!

(Applause)

**Ozzy:** Oh, well done, everyone! We'll have that tea now!

**Iain:** Did someone mention tea?

**Ozzy:** It's Iain.

**Iain:** Hello, everybody.

(Cheering and applause)

**Ozzy:** Hello, Iain.

**Iain:** Did you mention tea, Ozzy?

**Ozzy:** Yes, Iain! We were just about to have a cup.

**Iain:** Oooh!

**Ozzy:** But I don't think the Factory's going to let us.

**Rachel:** Listen Iain, it's your song.

**Iain:** My song?

**Zizi:** Yes, This Old Man!

**Iain:** You knew this one, don't you? This Old Man! Come on, join in with me! Are you ready?

This old man, he played 1

He played knick-knack on my drum

With a knick-knack paddywhack

Give the dog a bone

This old man came rolling home.

**Iain:** Right, number two this time, on my shoe! Haha!

This old man, he played 2

He played knick-knack on my shoe

With a knick-knack paddywhack

Give the dog a bone

This old man came rolling home.

**Iain:** Number 3 this time. Aha, yes! On my knee!

This old man, he played 3

He played knick-knack on my knee

With a knick-knack paddywhack

Give the dog a bone

This old man came rolling home.

**Iain:** Number 4, and on my door.

This old man, he played 4

He played knick-knack on my door

With a knick-knack paddywhack

Give the dog a bone

This old man came rolling home.

**Iain:** Right, number 5. What can that be? Oh yes! On my hive!

This old man, he played 5

He played knick-knack on my hive

With a knick-knack paddywhack

Give the dog a bone

This old man came rolling home.

**Iain:** Right, ready for 6. 6 is on my sticks!

This old man, he played 6

He played knick-knack on my sticks

With a knick-knack paddywhack

Give the dog a bone

This old man came rolling home.

**Dayle:** What about me?

**Iain:** Come in, Dayle.

This old man, he played 7

He played knick-knack up in heaven

With a knick-knack paddywhack

Give the dog a bone

This old man came rolling home.

**Iain:** Number 8 this time, Ozzy!

**Ozzy:** Hello Iain.

**Iain:** On my gate!

This old man, he played 8

He played knick-knack on my gate

With a knick-knack paddywhack

Give the dog a bone

This old man came rolling home.

**Iain:** Number 9, on my line.

This old man, he played 9

He played knick-knack on my line

With a knick-knack paddywhack

Give the dog a bone

This old man came rolling home.

**Iain:** And number 10, everybody, on my hen \*imitates chicken\*

This old man, he played 10

He played knick-knack on my hen

With a knick-knack paddywhack

Give the dog a bone

This old man came rolling home.

**Iain:** Ohhh! We've made it to number 10! Give yourselves a clap! Ooh-hoo!

(Cheering and applause)

**Iain:** Oh, I think-- I think we need that cup of tea now.

**Sarah:** Did somebody mention tea?

**Ozzy:** It's Sarah.

**Sarah:** Hello!

(Cheering and applause)

**Iain:** Hello, Sarah!

**Sarah:** Hello, Iain! Hello, Ozzy!

**Ozzy:** Hello, Sarah.

**Sarah:** Hi, everyone! Did you say tea?

**Iain:** I did.

**Sarah:** Yes, I thought you did, I've got a delicious pie here be perfect with a cup of tea, wouldn't it?

**Iain:** Oh, yes! It's reasonable.

**Ozzy:** Oh-ho! You've started the factory off again Sarah!

**Sarah:** I have, haven't I? Hang on it's Sing a Song of Sixpence! I bet you know this one! Sing it with us! Here we go!

**Iain:** Lovely.

Sing a song of sixpence

A pocket full of rye

Four and twenty blackbirds

Baked in a pie.

When the pie was opened

The birds began to sing

Wasn't that a dainty dish

To set before the king?

**Ozzy:** I'm the king counting his money.

The king was in his counting house

Counting out his money

The queen was in the parlour

Eating bread and honey.

The maid was in the garden

Hanging out the clothes

When down came a blackbird

And pecked off her nose.

**Iain:** Aaah! My nose! It's gone!

But then there came a Jenny wren

And popped it on again.

**Iain:** Hoo...

**Sarah:** Ahhh...

**Iain:** Thank you, Zizi. Ha. What would I do without a nose?

**Sarah:** Yeah, you wouldn't be able to smell, would you, Iain?

**Iain:** No, w-- I don't smell, do I?

**Sarah:** Well...

**Dave:** Oh, yes you do.

**Iain:** Oh, no I don't.

**Dave:** Oh, yes you do.

**Iain:** Oh, no... Wait a minute, who is that?

**Dave:** It is me!

**Sarah:** Dave.

(Cheering and applause)

**Ozzy:** It's Dave. Hello, Dave.

**Dave:**

**Audience:** Hello.

**Dave:** Hello there, I wanna sing about Michael Finnegan.

There was an old man called Michael Finnegan

He grew whiskers on his chin-ne-gan

The wind came up and blew them in again

Poor old Michael Finnegan, begin again

There was an old man called Michael Finnegan

He grew whiskers on his chin-ne-gan

The wind came up and blew them in again

Poor old Michael Finnegan, begin again

**Dave:** Deep breath.

There was an old man called Michael Finnegan

He grew whiskers on his chin-ne-gan

The wind came up and blew them in again

Poor old Michael Finnegan, begin again

There was an old man called Michael Finnegan

He grew whiskers on his chin-ne-gan

The wind came up and blew them in again

Poor old Michael Finnegan, begin again

**Dave:** Enough, everybody. Enough, give yourselves a round of applause.

**Sarah:** Well done.

**Dave:** Wahey!

(Cheering and applause)

**Ozzy:** Have you noticed all of our songs so far have been nursery rhymes?

**Iain:** Well, maybe that's what the factory wants us to do today-- Nursery rhymes!

**Dave:** Ooh, now I know a rhyme! Heehee! \*cackling\*

**Iain:** It's a bit--

**Ozzy:** What are you doing behind there?

**Dave:** Oh, it's for me rhyme

**Sarah:** What is?

**Dave:** Well if you come closer Sarah, I can show youuu.

**Sarah:** Ooh, I'm not sure about this.

**Kid in Audience:** Yes!

**Sarah:** Yes.

**Dave:** Yeah, if you come a bit closer, bit closer, bit closer, right, you ready?

**Sarah:** Yes.

**Dave:** Ooh good, so am I. Here we go!

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie

Kissed the girls and made them cry

**Sarah:** \*sobs\*

And when the boys came out to play

Georgie Porgie ran away.

**Dave:** Well, it's not stupid, is it?

**Iain:** Oh!

**Dave:** Hey, who's that?

**Nick:** Heh, hello! \*laughs\*

**Iain:** Who are you?

**Nick:** I'm the k-- Well, the thing is, um-- I don't know.

**Ozzy:** You don't know?

**Nick:** No.

**Dave:** Wait a minute, you don't know who you are.

**Nick:** No.

**Sarah:** That's strange.

**Nick:**

**Iain:** \*chuckles\* You don't know which nursery rhyme you came from?

**Nick:** No.

**Ozzy:** So that's why we're singing nursery rhymes, the factory wants us to find out which rhyme you're in.

**Iain:** Oh,

**Nick:** Yes.

**Sarah:** Yes.

**Sarah:** Yes.

**Nick:** Hey.

**Sarah:** Hang on, you're the pieman from Simple Simon.

**Nick:** I don't know.

**Sarah:** I think you are.

**Ozzy:** Let's sing it and see if you're right.

**Sarah:** OK, let's do that.

Simple Simon met a pieman

Going to the fair

Says Simple Simon to the pieman

"Let me taste your ware."

Says the pieman to Simple Simon

"Show me first your penny"

Says Simple Simon to the pieman

"Sir, I have not any!"

Simple Simon met a pieman

Going to the fair

Says Simple Simon to the pieman

"Let me taste your ware."

Says the pieman to Simple Simon

"Show me first your penny"

Says Simple Simon to the pieman

"Sir, I have not any!"

**Dave:** Oh, no pies for you then, pal.

**Ozzy:** Are you the pieman?

**Nick:** No, I don't think so.

**Iain:** A man or a boy.

**Iain:** Try this one, it's Little Jack Horner.

Little Jack Horner

Sat in the corner

Eating his Christmas pie

He put in his thumb

And pulled out a plum

And said "What a good boy am I!"

Little Jack Horner

Sat in the corner

Eating his Christmas pie

He put in his thumb

And pulled out a plum

And said "What a good boy am I!"

**Nick:** Jack Sprat? But I always eat the best of food.

**Dave:**

Jack Sprat could eat no fat

His wife could eat no lean

So between them both you see

They licked the platter clean.

Jack Sprat could eat no fat

And his wife could eat no lean

And so between them both you see

They licked the platter clean.

**Sarah:** Delicious.

**Sarah:** What's that?

**Iain:** It's a candlestick.

**Dave:**

Jack be nimble

Jack be quick

Jack jump over the candlestick.

**Dave:**

**Iain:** Try again Dave.

**Dave:**

Jack be nimble

Jack be quick

Jack jump over the candlestick.

**Dave:**

(Cheering and applause)

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pepper

A peck of pickled pepper Peter Piper picked

If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pepper

Where's the peck of pickled pepper Peter Piper picked?

**Iain:** Could you say that, do you think?

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pepper

A peck of pickled pepper Peter Piper picked

If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pepper

Where's the peck of pickled pepper Peter Piper picked?

**Iain:**

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pepper

A peck of pickled pepper Peter Piper picked

If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pepper

Where's the peck of pickled pepper Peter Piper picked?

**Iain:**

(Cheering and applause)

**Sarah:** That was very tricky, well done.

**Iain:** A tongue twister.

**Sarah:**

She sells sea shells on the sea shore.

**Sarah:** You can say that

She sells sea shells on the sea shore.

**Sarah:** And faster!

She sells sea shells on the sea shore.

**Sarah:** And even faster!

She sells sea shells on the sea shore.

**Sarah:** Brilliant, give yourselves a big hand, that was wonderful.

(Cheering and applause)

**Dave:** So, are you Peter Piper?

**Nick:**

**Ozzy:** I know, maybe the rhyme isn't about you, maybe you just appear in it.

(Laughter)

**Iain:** I wanted to be Mary.

**Dave:**

Mary had a little lamb

Its fleece was white as snow

And everywhere that Mary went

The lamb was sure to go.

**Dave:**

It followed her to school one day

Which was against the rules

It made the children laugh and play

To see a lamb at school.

And so the teacher turned it out

But still it lingered near

And it waited patiently

'Til Mary did appear.

"Why does the lamb love Mary so?"

The eager children cry

"Why Mary loves the lamb, you know?"

The teacher did reply.

**Dave:** I think that was absolutely marvellous,

(Applause)

**Iain:** Yes it is.

**Ozzy:** Do you know which one?

**Iain:**

Jack and Jill

Went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water

Jack fell down

And broke his crown

And Jill came tumbling after.

**Sarah:** Oh! Oh, no!

**Dave:** Oh, me head!

**Sarah:** Oh!

**Dave:** You alright?

**Sarah:** Oh, I think so!

Then up Jack got

And home did trot

As fast as he could caper

He went to bed

To mend his head (**Dave:**

With vinegar and brown paper.

**Nick:**

**Iain:** No?

**Nick:** No.

**Ozzy:** No, he's not Jack Sprat or Jack and Jill.

**Dave:** The teacher, the pieman.

**Sarah:** Little Jack Horner.

**Dave:** Jack Be Nimble.

**Dave & Sarah:** Or Peter Piper.

**Ozzy:** Maybe he will get an idea somewhere else in the factory.

**Sarah:**

**Ozzy:** What do you mean, Sarah?

**Sarah:**

**Ozzy:** Ooh, I'm sure we have.

**Sarah:** Well, let's go and find it, come on.

**Red:**

**Nick:** Really?

**Purple:**

**Orange:** We think you're either the butcher...

**Green:** ...the baker...

**Blue:** ...or the candlestick maker.

Rub a dub dub

Three men in a tub

And who do you think they be?

The butcher (rub a dub dub)

The baker (rub a dub dub)

The candlestick (rub a dub dub)

Maker (rub a dub dub)

Turn 'em out knaves all three.

Rub a dub dub

Three men in a tub

And who do you think they be?

The butcher (rub a dub dub)

The baker (rub a dub dub)

The candlestick (rub a dub dub)

Maker (rub a dub dub)

Turn 'em out knaves all three.

**Orange:** Hope you find out who you are.

**Ozzy:** This is it. This is it. Look on the front of this Nursery Rhyme book.

**Dave:** Hmm.

**Ozzy:** It's Mother Goose!

**Dave:**

**Ozzy:** Well, if I ask the factory

**Dave:** Ah, that's a great idea, Ozzy!

**Ozzy:** It's worth a try, she might know

**Dave:** Right.

**Ozzy:** Factory, we need your help. Can you ask Mother Goose to pop in and see us?

**Dave:** Oh, it's Mother Goose!

**Mother Goose:**

**Ozzy:** Thank you for coming so quickly.

**Ozzy:** We need your help Mother Goose.

**Mother Goose:** What man?

**Ozzy:** He'll be back in a moment.

**Mother Goose:**

**Ozzy:** Here he is.

**Ozzy:** We never thought of that one.

**Dave:** Yeah! And we have a goose right here, hello Priscilla.

**Iain:** What's going on?

Goosey goosey gander

Whither shall I wander

Upstairs and downstairs

And in my lady's chamber

There I met an old man

Who would not say his prayers

So I took him by the left leg

And threw him down the stairs.

**Dave:**

Goosey goosey gander

Whither shall I wander

Upstairs and downstairs

And in my lady's chamber

There I met an old man

Who would not say his prayers

So I took him by the left leg

And threw him down the stairs.

**Nick:** No no no no no no no no no no!

**Mother Goose:**

**Nick:** I'm quite sure, thank goodness...

**Mother Goose:**

**Ozzy:** A crooked walking stick.

**Sally:** And so the poor doggie had none, woof woof. \*gasp\* Hello there! I'm Sally Cat from the Fun Song Factory, and it's my turn to pack up the songs.

**Iain:** Hello, Sally.

**Sally:** Hello, Iain.

**Iain:** Oh, hello Will.

**Sally:** This is Will.

**Iain:**

There was a crooked man, who walked a crooked mile

He found a crooked sixpence upon a crooked stile

He bought a crooked cat, who caught a crooked mouse

And they all lived together in a little crooked house.

**Iain:**

There was a crooked man, who walked a crooked mile

He found a crooked sixpence upon a crooked stile

He bought a crooked cat, who caught a crooked mouse

And they all lived together in a little crooked house.

**Ozzy, Dave & Nick:** Shopping.

**Iain:** Oh.

**Sarah:** Did you find the nursery rhyme book then?

**Ozzy:** Now, it's SuperTed!

**Sarah:**

(Cheering and applause)

**Ozzy:** Hello, SuperTed.

**Dave:**

Teddy bear, teddy bear touch your nose

Teddy bear, teddy bear touch your toes

Teddy bear, teddy bear touch the ground

Teddy bear, teddy bear turn around.

Teddy bear, teddy bear climb the stairs

Teddy bear, teddy bear say your prayers

Teddy bear, teddy bear turn out the light

Teddy bear, teddy bear say goodnight.

Teddy bear, teddy bear touch your nose

Teddy bear, teddy bear touch your toes

Teddy bear, teddy bear touch the ground

Teddy bear, teddy bear turn around.

Teddy bear, teddy bear climb the stairs

Teddy bear, teddy bear say your prayers

Teddy bear, teddy bear turn out the light

Teddy bear, teddy bear say goodnight.

**Dave:**

(Cheering and applause)

The bear went over the mountain

The bear went over the mountain

The bear went over the mountain

To see what he could see

And all that he could see

And all that he could see

Was the other side of the mountain

The other side of the mountain

The other side of the mountain

Was all that he could see.

**Ozzy:** Anyone found anything?

**Kids:** No.

**Ozzy:** Keep looking.

The bear went round the factory

The bear went round the factory

The bear went round the factory

To see what he could see

And all that he could see

And all that he could see

Was another part of the factory

Another part of the factory

Another part of the factory

Was all that he could see.

(Cheering and applause)

**Fred:** Hello, Dave.

**Dave:**

**Fred:** So I heard,

Tommy Thumb, Tommy Thumb

Where are you?

Here I am, here I am

How do you do?

**Dave:** I'll do the next one, Fred.

Peter Pointer, Peter Pointer

Where are you?

Here I am, here I am

How do you do?

**Nick:** Shall I do one?

**Dave:** Yeah.

**Nick:** Here we go then.

Toby Tall, Toby Tall

Where are you?

Here I am, here I am

How do you do?

**Dave:**

Ruby Ring, Ruby Ring

Where are you?

Here I am, here I am

How do you do?

**Fred:** Just Baby Small now.

Baby Small, Baby Small

Where are you?

Here I am, here I am

How do you do?

**Fred:** Right, just fingers all left, are you ready?

Fingers all, fingers all

Where are you?

Here we are, here we are

How do you do?

**Nick:** \*laughs\* That was lovely.

(Cheering and applause)

**Dave:** See you later, Fred.

**Iain:** Anyone found anything yet?

**Sarah & the audience:** No.

**Iain:** Oh, well.

**Ozzy:** Oh, What have you found, SuperTed?

**Iain:** Bowler hat.

**Sarah:** A bowler hat?

**Ozzy:** Oh, it must be a clue to another nursery rhyme.

**Sarah:** Ah.

**Iain:** Alright, well....

**Ozzy:**

**Iain:** Yeah.

**Sarah:** But I don't know any nursery rhymes with bowler hats.

**Ozzy:** Neither do I.

**Iain:** I do.

**Sarah:** You do?

**Iain:** I know a rhyme with a bowler hat and it's called 2 fat gentlemen. And-- Right, let's see you 2 fat gentlemen everybody. This is a finger rhyme. Right, everybody ready to say along with me?

Two fat gentlemen met in a lane

Bowed most politely and bowed once again

How do you do and how do you do

And how do you do again?

**Sarah:** Hello.

Two thin ladies met in a lane

Bowed most politely and bowed once again

How do you do and how do you do

And how do you do again?

Two tall policemen met in a lane

Bowed most politely and bowed once again

How do you do and how do you do

And how do you do again?

**Dave:** Wahhey-hey-hey-hey-hey! Dah-dah! Aah! Right!

Two little school boys met in a lane

Bowed most politely and bowed once again

How do you do and how do you do

And how do you do again?

**Iain:** I wanted to be the policeman. But I'm the baby. You got to do the baby one with me.

Two little babies met in a lane

Bowed most politely and bowed once again

How do you do and how do you do

And how do you do again?

**Dave:** Hey, Iain!

**Iain:** Yeah?

**Dave:** Lovely bonnet.

**Sarah:** So are you the 2 fat gentlemen?

**Nick:** Oh no no no no no no.

**Ozzy:** A tall policeman?

**Nick:** Eh y-- no.

**Dave:** Little schoolboy?

**Nick:** No.

**Sarah:** The babies?

**Nick:** No!

**Dave:** Well, you must be something....

**Sarah:** What's that?

**Ozzy:** It's the Factory again, Sarah.

**Sarah:** Oh, sounded like it was coming from this big bass drum over here! Let's have a look see what's in here... Right. Oof!

**Ozzy:** It's empty.

**Nick:**

**Ozzy:** Ooh! Oh, you've started the factory off again! It's Old Mother Hubbard!

Old Mother Hubbard

She went to the cupboard

To fetch her poor dog a bone

When she got there

The cupboard was bare

And so the poor dog had none.

**Sarah:** Oh, dear, Fido, I am ever so sorry. You sing with me this time!

Old Mother Hubbard

She went to the cupboard

To fetch her poor dog a bone

When she got there

The cupboard was bare

And so the poor dog had none.

**Sarah:** Oh, dear.

**Iain:** Hello there, I'm the old woman.

**Dave:** Yeah, you silly, Iain.

**Iain:** Don't listen to him. I'm the old woman who lived in the shoe and she had so many children she didn't know what to do. If you know it, sing-along with me. Ready?

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe

She had so many children she didn't know what to do

She gave them some broth without any bread

Then whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.

**Iain:** Haha! That was lovely. Haha! I think we should do it again. Right, join in if you know it. I think we should all join in this time, yes?

**Kids:** Yes.

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe

She had so many children she didn't know what to do

She gave them some broth without any bread

Then whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.

**Iain:** Bed. Ahhahaha...

**Sarah:** Look!

**Ozzy:** The man's in the sky with another old woman.

**Dave:** It's me!

**Iain:** Nice outfit, Dave.

**Dave:** Oi!

There was an old woman tossed up in a basket

17 times as high as the moon

**Dave:** Aaah!

Where she was going, I couldn't but ask it

For in her hand, she carried a broom.

Old woman, old woman, old woman quoth I

Where are you going to up so high

To clean the cobwebs off the sky

Shall I go with you? Aye by and by.

**Ozzy:** Dave, the factory's done it again, it thinks our friend might be the muffin man.

Do you know the muffin man

The muffin man, the muffin man

Do you know the muffin man

Who lives down Drury Lane?

Yes I know the muffin man

The muffin man, the muffin man

Yes I know the muffin man

Who lives down Drury Lane.

Am I the muffin man

The muffin man, the muffin man

Am I the muffin man

Who lives down Drury Lane?

No you're not the muffin man (**Nick:** I'm not?)

The muffin man, the muffin man

No you're not the muffin man

Who lives down Drury Lane.

**Nick:** Well, who am I?

**Sarah:** How about this one? Swap.

Bobby Shaftoe's gone to sea

Silver buckles on his knee

He'll come back and marry me

Bonny Bobby Shaftoe.

Bobby Shaftoe's bright and fair

Combing down his yellow hair

He's my love forever mair

Bonny Bobby Shaftoe.

**Nick:** No.

(Applause)

**Dave:** What about this then?

Miss Polly had a dolly who was sick, sick, sick

So she called for the doctor to come quick, quick, quick

The doctor came with his bag and his hat

And he knock at the door with a rat-a-tat-tat.

He looked at the dolly and he shook his head

And said "Miss Polly, put her straight to bed"

He wrote on a paper for a pill, pill, pill

"I'll be back in the morning for my bill, bill, bill."

Doctor Foster went to Gloucester

In a shower of rain

He stepped in a puddle

Right up to his middle

And he never went there again

No, he never went there

He never went there

He never went there again!

**Nick:** He stepped in a puddle up to his middle?! Dear me,

**Sarah:** You sing this time.

Doctor Foster went to Gloucester

In a shower of rain

He stepped in a puddle

Right up to his middle

And he never went there again

No, he never went there

He never went there

He never went there again!

**Nick:** No no no no no I'm not a doctor! I don't want to go into a puddle up to me middle! Uuaaah!

**Dave:** Mmm. Oh, do you know something? I do not know where that man could be from. I mean, he could be from France for we know.

**Sarah:** France. Yeah I mean, just like that song Frere Jacques. You know that, Dave, don't you?

**Dave:** Oh yes I do. I'm gonna sing it right now.

Frere Jacques, frere Jacques

Dormez vous, dormez vous?

Sonnez les matines, sonnez les matines

Ding dang dong, ding dang dong.

**Sarah:** Do you know what those words mean?

**Dave:** No.

**Sarah:** Do you know? Well it's very simple, really. Frere just means brother in French and Jacques is the little boy's name and in English the words are very simple they go like this. You sing it if you know it.

Are you sleeping, are you sleeping?

Brother John, brother John

Morning bells are ringing, morning bells are ringing

Ding dang dong, ding dang dong.

**Dave:** Oh I didn't know that.

**Sarah:** I know you did.

**Dave:** All right then let's sing it in French again.

**Sarah:** No, Dave, let's sing it in English, go on.

**Dave:** Why not both languages?

**Sarah:** Alright, you start.

Frere Jacques, frere Jacques

Dormez vous, dormez vous?/Are you sleeping, are you sleeping?

Sonnez les matines, sonnez les matines/Brother John, brother John

Ding dang dong, ding dang dong./Morning bells are ringing, morning bells are ringing

Ding dang dong, ding dang dong.

**Dave:** Ahh

**Sarah:** Yeah, I guess... Maybe it's from somewhere completely different.

**Dave:** Yeah, like London.

**Sarah:** Yeah. Try London!

**Iain:** London?

**Nick:** London?

**Ozzy:** What a good idea, we could sing Oranges and Lemons.

**Nick:** Oh, yes, yes, I-I know Oranges and Lemons.

**Iain:** And I know Oranges and Lemons. Do you know Oranges and Lemons?

**Audience:** Yes!

**Iain:** Sing-along with us!

Oranges and lemons, say the bells of St Clements

You owe me five farthings, say the bells of St Martin's

When will you pay me? say the bells of Old Bailey

When I grow rich, say the bells of Shoreditch

Pray when will that be? say the bells of Stepney

I'm sure I don't know, says the great bell of Bow

Here comes a candle to light you to bed

And here comes a chopper to chop off your head.

**Dave:**

**Audience:** Yes.

**Dave:** Great! Join in with us then!

Half a pound of tuppenny rice

Half a pound of treacle

That's the way the money goes

Pop! goes the weasel.

Half a pound of tuppenny rice

Half a pound of treacle

That's the way the money goes

Pop! goes the weasel.

Up and down the city road

In and out the Eagle

That's the way the money goes

Pop! goes the weasel.

**Sarah:** Oh look, it's a pussycat!

**Dave:** Ah, yeah!

**Sally:** Let me do this one.

**Sarah:** Oh alright, then.

Pussy cat, pussy cat where have you been?

I've been up to London to visit the queen

**Sarah:** Ooh! Was she in?

Pussy cat, pussy cat what did you there?

I frightened a little mouse under her chair.

**Sarah:**

**Sally:** It was.

**Sarah:** Let's sing it again.

Pussy cat, pussy cat where have you been?

I've been up to London to visit the queen

**Dave:** Ooh, lovely.

Pussy cat, pussy cat what did you there?

I frightened a little mouse under her chair.

**Iain:**

**Ozzy:** So, are you from London?

**Nick:** Not London

**Iain:** Are you a king?

**Nick:** Maybe.

**Dave:**

**Sarah:** I know, I know, I've got, you're Old King Cole.

**Nick:** Old King Cole?

**Dave:**

Old King Cole was a merry old soul

And a merry old soul was he

He called for his pipe (**Nick:** Hey, where's me pipe?) and he called for his bowl (**Nick:** And where's my bowl)

And he called for his fiddlers three. (**Nick:** And where are those 3 fiddlers?)

Now every fiddler had a very fine fiddle (Very nice)

And a very fine fiddle had he (she)

Yes, Old King Cole was a merry old soul

And a merry old soul was he.

**Nick:**

Old King Cole was a merry old soul

And a merry old soul was he

He called for his pipe and he called for his bowl

And he called for his fiddlers three.

Now every fiddler had a very fine fiddle

And a very fine fiddle had he

Yes, Old King Cole was a merry old soul

And a merry old soul was he.

**Nick:** Well, you know I don't think I'm a king but these clothes feel just right.

**Dave:** Are you a member of royalty?

**Nick:** Perchance!

**Ozzy:** Royalty?

**Sarah:** I know!

**Nick:** What?

**Sarah:** You're the Grand Old Duke of York!

**Ozzy:** Is this you? Are you the Grand Old Duke of York?

**Sarah:** Yeah!

**Nick:** Here, here. Let me try it on!

The grand old duke of York

He had ten thousand men

He marched them up to the top of the hill

And he marched them down again.

And when they were up, they were up

And when they were down, they were down

And when they were only halfway up

They were neither up nor down.

**Ozzy:** Well? Are you the Grand Old Duke of York?

**Nick:** Ha ha ha! I think I very probably am! Let's sing it again! Ha ha ha!

The grand old duke of York

He had ten thousand men

He marched them up to the top of the hill

And he marched them down again.

And when they were up, they were up

And when they were down, they were down

And when they were only halfway up

They were neither up nor down.

**Nick:** It's me! I'm the Grand Old Duke of York! Come on, let's sing it one more time!

The grand old duke of York

He had ten thousand men

He marched them up to the top of the hill

And he marched them down again.

And when they were up, they were up

And when they were down, they were down

And when they were only halfway up

They were neither up nor down.

(Cheering and applause)

**Nick:** Yes, it's me! I'm the Grand Old Duke of York! Did you guess?

**Sarah:** Oh, no, it's time to go.

**Dave:** Ah, but we have had a lovely time now, haven't we?

**Nick & the audience:** Yes. (applause)

**Iain:** We all had a fantastic time as usual.

**Nick:** And thank you for finding out who I am and

**Ozzy:** See you all next time at the Fun Song Factory.

The whistle’s blowing loudly

Another day is done

Inside the Fun Song Factory

With lots of songs we've sung.

Fun Song, Fun Song

Fun Song Factory

There’s nowhere else quite like it

It’s the Fun Song Factory.

Fun Song, Fun Song

Fun Song Factory

There’s nowhere else quite like it

It’s the Fun Song Factory.

**Iain & Sarah:** Yeah!

(Cheering and applause)

The whistle’s blowing loudly

Another day is done

Inside the Fun Song Factory

With lots of songs we've sung.

Fun Song, Fun Song

Fun Song Factory

There’s nowhere else quite like it

It’s the Fun Song Factory.

Fun Song, Fun Song

Fun Song Factory

There’s nowhere else quite like it

It’s the Fun Song Factory.

## Opening (Original 1997 release)

1. PolyGram Warning Screen (1997-2002)
2. Abbey Home Entertainment/Tempo Video Ident (1990-2000, 2003) (Later Variant)
3. Fun Song Factory - Fun and Games trailer [announced by Dave Benson Phillips]
4. Fun Song Factory - An Official Pre-School Learning Alliance Video title card
5. Fun Song Factory - Nursery Rhyme Land title card
6. Start of Fun Song Factory - Nursery Rhyme Land (1997)

## Closing (Original 1997 release)

1. End of Fun Song Factory - Nursery Rhyme Land (1997)
2. Fun Song Factory closing credits (Nursery Rhyme Land Version)
3. A Tell-Tale Production (silent)
4. for Abbey Broadcast Communications plc - Fun Song Factory
5. Abbey Home Entertainment/Tempo Video Ident (1990-2000, 2003) (Later Variant)
6. PolyGram Warning Screen (1997-2002)

## Trailers and info

1. The "Fun Song Factory - Fun and Games" video commercial of 1997.