TRP: Goro and Hansel (Constellations)

[SETTING: Day 378, evening.]

Hansel figured the worst of it was over. He'd been jittery for a while, had to burn off the energy -- it was the only thing keeping him on his feet on the ship, during the fight, but it lingered in him for just a bit too long. He put some of it into healing Goro, as much as he could, but then there wasn't anything else he could do. Just found himself pacing around and then pacing off, away from the rest. Felt like a half-wild barn cat skulking off to die alone, some place.

Mishka had gone after him, though, stayed when it wore off and he crashed hard and felt like he really was fucking dying. He wanted to just crawl in a fucking hole. He didn't want anyone to see him or touch him. He didn't want to fucking exist.

But -- with enough time -- he came out the other end of it. Then he could let Mishka pet his hair and soothe him. And after a little bit more time, he needed to be doing shit again, and he figured the others had probably noticed him and Mishka were gone, and shit, so he should probably go back.

They'd made a bit of a camp from the wreckage of the ship, and someone had started a fire. Mishka and Urru took stock of their supplies, and Luci was with Goro, looking exhausted. Larkin was sitting near the fire looking damp and grouchy, and Raef looked like he felt about like Hansel did. Fucking sea monsters and shit.

Some of their rations and other supplies had been lost, but they needed a hearty meal. Luci and Goro, especially, needed to sleep well and get their magic back, so they could make more food, or ...

Once all the food had been parcelled out, Hansel got his mess kit and started cooking. Tried to not be too goddamn fretful about it. Was pretty sure he could make druid berries, like the Lady -- like Mishka had brought him -- but he'd need a night's sleep, too. They'd be fine. They'd be fine.

LINA

When Goro spotted Hansel unpacking his mess kit, his heart swelled first with affection, then with worry. He was probably doing that thing, where he cooked to try and keep himself busy. Keep from thinking about shit.

Goro approached from behind, wanting to throw his arms around Hansel and say guess who. He paused a few feet away, though. Probably best not to startle him.

He cleared his throat.

IZZY

Hansel glanced up from drying errant sea water out of his pan. Luci'd healed Goro up -- must've done, 'cause he wouldn't do it himself, god fuckin' knew.

He thought of the creature pawing at its head, at them, catching Goro with claws and chains and stinging tendrils.

Over now. Over.

"Hey, ahuv." He nodded a little and went back to what he was doing. Focus.

LINA

Goro walked the rest of the way and put his arms around Hansel's waist, resting his head against Hansel's back.

IZZY

Hansel could feel that he was still tense. Would be for a while. He'd settled for a bit, just from sheet exhaustion, but the little island was just about all beach and cliffs with a few copses of trees -- wasn't anywhere to go to get away from the sound and smell of the ocean.

That thing had arms, more than forelegs. He bet it could drag itself ashore. He bet it could still get to them, if it wanted to. He wondered if it was smart, like a dog, or a crow. If it could recognize him.

He wanted to wrap around Goro and hide his face in Goro's hair, but the sea had probably washed the scent of smoke away. Still, he turned anyway, in Goro's arms, to wrap one of his own around Goro -- careful, and not too tight, not giving in to the urge to clutch him -- and kissed his salt-stiff hair.

LINA

"Sorry I wasn't there," he mumbled. "Luci needed help with something." He felt guilty, anyway. Shouldn't've let Hansel out of his sight in the first place.

IZZY

"S'okay," Hansel said, muffled in his hair. "Thanks for takin' care of her. I couldn't've."

The kid looked dead on her feet, and she wasn't even on her feet. Leaning against some wreckage over near Raef, now, eyes half closed and wrapped around her knees.

LINA

"Eh. Dunno if I did much good. Mostly seemed to frustrate her."

IZZY

"Kid's had a rough day," he said softly. "Sure she's just worn out."

He kissed Goro's head again and reluctantly turned back to prepping for dinner. Couldn't get too sidetracked, talking about how people fuckin' felt, and shit.

LINA

"Aren't we all," Goro muttered. And he leaned on Hansel a little more heavily. Sometimes, he let himself do that. Be weak around Hansel.

IZZY

"Aye." Hansel paused to put a hand over Goro's and squeeze it, accepting the extra weight. Wasn't anything.

LINA

"Whatcha cooking?"

IZZY

"Got the mix for some flatbread," Hansel said. That was good. Something that was just ... neutral to talk about. Something normal. "Red beans. Some cured sausage for y'all." They needed to cook that now. The beans and some rice would keep for longer -- if they had to start rationing. If Goro and Luci couldn't sleep, if Hansel couldn't figure out his own fuckin' magic to make berries, if --

Focus, Commander. Focus.

"Wanna help?" he asked, figuring Goro might want a distraction, too. He added, "Or you can just sit. Have a rest. S'all right."

LINA

"I'll help," Goro said. "I can do the sausage."

A second later, he snickered.

IZZY

Hansel glanced at Goro over his shoulder, faintly puzzled, then after a moment, went pssh.

LINA

Goro grinned. He gave a light chomp to Hansel's shoulder, then let go of him, moving away to dig through the kit for sausage. He found some and held it up to show Hansel. "This stuff?"

IZZY

Hansel looked, kind of amused by the idea Goro might not know what sausage looked like. "Aye. Just chop all of'em up into bite-sized pieces."

He had a pot over the fire, already, heating up for the beans. Was enough sausage for the other six of'em and Rexaria to have a good meal, and he'd just have a small portion of beans himself. They could always fish, he told himself. Keep the shelf-stable stuff as long as possible. Supposed if he had to, he'd choke down some fish as well. They wouldn't be here that long. Wouldn't be here that long. It'd be fine. They'd be fine.

"Some garlic in the bag, too," he made himself say. "Toss me a clove."

LINA

Goro did, then pulled out the little cutting board to set the sausage on. He took the knife from his ankle holster. "Me'n Lu, after we rest we can cast a spell that'll make food and water for everyone. Ain't good food, but it'll keep us alive as long as we need."

IZZY

Hansel nodded, a little too vigorously. "I know."

Hadn't helped'em, before. Serena tossed and turned, no matter how Hunter petted her hair and whispered to her. Nightmares, she'd said. Or visions. She hadn't known which.

LINA

"Hey," Goro said after a moment. He paused his cutting and looked up, staring into space.

IZZY

Hansel crushed a clove of garlic with the flat side of his hunting knife and raked the pulp into the pot, then looked at him. "Hm?"

LINA

"How come your friend--"

Ah, fuck. That was a bad question to ask. Shit. Goro started hastily chopping the sausage again.

IZZY

Hansel winced. He busied himself with the beans, just for a moment, looking at his work. Wasn't like he hadn't already been thinking it. Goro hadn't done anything wrong.

"Couldn't sleep," he said quietly. "Couldn't get her magic back. Had nightmares, and shit."

LINA

"Oh. Fuck. Fuck." Goro chopped even more hastily, and nicked his thumb with the knife. He hissed. "Ow. Fuck." Stuck the thumb in his mouth.

IZZY

"Hey." Hansel frowned and abandoned his cooking to fumble for the bandages he kept on him, but they were fuckin' gone in the wreck. He took Goro's hand automatically, though, then felt queasy at even the minor sight of the blood. Fucking weak. He had to look away, brow furrowed, but pressed a handkerchief that'd stayed on him to Goro's thumb. "Careful."

LINA

Goro was distracted, trying to imagine the fucking pressure of being the only person who could create food for a group of starving people, and not being able to fall asleep. It made his heart pound to think about. That... wouldn't happen to him and Luci, he figured. At least one of them would get a good fucking night's rest.

Probably Luci. Goro suddenly wasn't sure he could count on himself.

"Was an accident," he said blandly.

IZZY

"I know." Hansel managed to look back, wrapping the handkerchief around Goro's thumb and taking his other hand to hold pressure against it. Was only small. Wouldn't need to for long. He kissed Goro's head again. "Just be careful. S'my fiance you're messin' with," he tried, smiling weakly, still feeling sick.

LINA

Goro stared into Hansel's face for a moment. "You sure you don't wanna sit down?" Gah, stupid question.

IZZY

He shook his head and didn't look back. "Gotta keep movin'." He squeezed Goro's hand and went back to the pot.

LINA

Goro groaned quietly and went back to the sausage. He finished cutting it up, then popped a piece in his mouth.

"Can I... do something?" he asked, not looking at Hansel. "To help you?"

IZZY

Hansel shook his head automatically, stirring the pot, paying real close attention to be sure nothing was sticking to the bottom.

LINA

"But I want to," Goro insisted.

IZZY

He shook his head more. "Just ... just gotta focus on other shit."

LINA

"Hugging me?"

IZZY

Hansel gave him a pained look. It was hard to put into words. Everything was fucking hard to put into words. Everything was fucking hard.

Maybe if it was for Goro, though, not for himself -- then it wouldn't feel like sliding back down into weakness. It was ... being strong, instead, for Goro's sake.

He lifted his arm for Goro to come burrow against his side.

LINA

Goro scuttled over and latched on. He tried to arrange himself so he wouldn't get in Hansel's way. Just an extra appendage.

"Maybe you could explore the island with me. Make sure there's no freaky animals, or whatever. Tigers and shit."

IZZY

Hansel curled his arm around Goro so he could still sort of reach the pot around him. Could do most things with his other arm, anyway.

"Not much to it," he said. He'd seen a fair bit of it in trying to get away from the coast. "Probably nothin' but some birds 'n turtles. Oughta wait 'til tomorrow, anyhow."

LINA

"Don't some turtles bite?"

IZZY

"Snappin' turtles," he allowed. Regular ones if you messed with'em enough. "Ain't like they're gonna chase anybody down, though. Might be some crabs," he added, mulling it over. "There's some real big ones. Dunno. Me an' Larkin an' Ensign'll keep watch overnight. Let the rest of yall get some rest. Nothin' to worry about."

LINA

"Um." Goro held him tighter. "I don't wanna sleep without you."

IZZY

"Oh. Uh." Shit. Shit, well -- that made sense, but Hansel felt like he needed to fuckin' keep watch, though. Keep himself occupied. "I mean ... whatever you need, ahuv. Might be crowded in. That okay?"

LINA

"What d'you mean?"

IZZY

"Well. Be me an' you, Mishka, prob'ly Raef, maybe Luci, Larkin probably ain't gonna wanna sleep on her own when she ain't on watch ..." Was probably just gonna be a big pile of them. Hansel tried to work on the logistics in his head, but it just made him feel fuckin' overwhelmed.

LINA

Goro didn't answer. He was tired as hell, but suddenly wondering if he'd be able to fall into a deep sleep at all, or if he'd just keep jerking himself awake.

He lifted his wrist to his mouth and chewed his bracelet.

IZZY

Hansel petted his hair fretfully.

LINA

Maybe he'd sleep better if they fucking... built him a little box out of the wreckage, or something.

Shit, that was a coffin. He was picturing a coffin.

He thought about joking maybe you should just whack me over the head 'til I'm out cold, but had the good sense to not.

"Dunno. I'll... figure it out."

IZZY

Hansel nodded. If Goro couldn't sleep -- and if Luci couldn't sleep --

"It'll be okay," he said firmly.

LINA

"We should focus on making sure Luci sleeps," Goro said. "She doesn't seem like she gets insomnia. Or does she?"

IZZY

He glanced her way. She did, sometimes. If ... Goro thought she didn't, though, maybe it'd take the pressure off him, and he'd be able to relax and sleep. Hansel was no good at that kinda shit, though. Couldn't lie to save his literal goddamn life.

"Yeah," he said, reluctant. "She looks real tired, though."

LINA

"Ah. Well. Shit. I wonder if my sleep chime'd work on her." Goro frowned, remembering how he'd been thinking earlier that day that Luci was looking more hale than he was lately. "Nah."

IZZY

Hansel hmm'd. He was started to get fuckin' worked up about it. "It'll be okay," he repeated, and again, more quietly, "It'll be okay."

LINA

"Yeah. It will." After a few seconds, Goro asked, "Um, how big are we talking, here? The crabs."

IZZY

"Uhh." Hansel held his hands about a foot and a half apart.

LINA

"What the fuck. I mean, what the fuck? You fucking with me?"

IZZY

"I mean, not most of'em. Just coconut crabs."

LINA

"Well, how many of those are there?"

IZZY

He shrugged.

LINA

"We gotta go count 'em."

IZZY

"Count'em?" Hansel asked, amused despite his mood. "How we gonna do that?"

LINA

"Just walk around the island and start counting. What's hard about it?" He remembered Luci telling him he always made shit either too simple or too complicated, and wondered if there were some serious steps he was missing in the process of crab counting.

IZZY

"They come an' go, ahuv. Live in the fuckin' sea, and all. Might as well count all the fish."

LINA

"Oh. Well... maybe we gotta build some sorta barrier, then. Keep 'em out."

IZZY

"They can climb pretty good," Hansel said, without thinking about it, then quickly added, "S'fine. Folks'll be on watch. Besides, ain't like they're all that aggressive anyway."

LINA

Goro scowled, feeling nervous. "Why are they called coconut crabs, anyhow?"

IZZY

"Uh, they eat coconuts." He didn't explain how.

LINA

"Oh." His frown deepened. "Guess I never stopped to wonder what crabs eat. The other kinds must not eat coconuts, though."

IZZY

"Yeah, y'know, fish and shit like that," Hansel said, relieved Goro hadn't asked.

LINA

"Hey. Wait a fucking second."

IZZY

Ah, shit. "Yeah?"

LINA

Goro held his hands out and mimed pincers. "They eat fucking coconuts? Hansel, are you shitting me?"

IZZY

"Naw," Hansel said sheepishly.

LINA

"You're telling me there's crabs the size of fuckin' dogs, who crack open fucking coconuts, and who climb real good, and aren't that aggressive?"

IZZY

"Uhh," Hansel offered.

LINA

"Hansel." Goro clutched him more tightly.

IZZY

"They ain't," he insisted. "Usually it's the little ones that think they can fuck you up."

LINA

"I don't like the sound of that either."

IZZY

"Nah, nah. Little ones ain't a problem."

LINA

Goro groaned uneasily and started looking around, anyway. Still latched on tight to Hansel. He thought briefly about climbing a tree, 'til he remembered that wouldn't do him any good. Motherfucker. "Any other weird shit I oughta be wary of?"

IZZY

"Nothin'," Hansel said firmly. "You ain't gotta be wary of shit, ahuv. I got you."

LINA

Goro stepped up on top of Hansel's feet, scowling.

IZZY

Hansel kissed his head and kept working around him. "Promise."

LINA

Goro clung quietly for a while, waiting for Hansel to finish to cooking. He really was freaked by the goddamn crabs, but he guessed it had the added benefit of giving Hansel something to do, helping him feel busy and useful.

"What should we do after everyone's fed?" he asked, hoping to elicit some more ideas.

IZZY

"Uh." Hansel hadn't let himself think that far ahead. "Dunno."

LINA

"Maybe you could take me around and teach me some of the different plants. I'm guessing you know 'em."

IZZY

"Ain't that many around." He frowned. "Palm trees. Maybe some bananas."

LINA

"Different kinds of fish, then?"

IZZY

"Uh," Hansel said. Goro was trying to help keep him busy, he figured. "Yeah. Yeah, maybe."

LINA

"I heard there's some that'll eat you alive. Like--" Goro chomped at the air, making some vicious sounds to go along with it. "Not sharks. Like, little fish."

IZZY

"Piranhas?" Hansel guessed. "Uh, I mean -- there's real little ones that'll nibble on you. Don't hurt, they just like, y'know, the dead skin and such you got on you. They ain't dangerous."

Piranhas were, but he shouldn't've said that.

LINA

"Hey, fuck them. That's my dead skin."

IZZY

"Yeah? You gonna use it for somethin'?" Hansel asked, amused.

LINA

"No, but that's not the point. Anyway, I swear to god, there was these other fish. That actually chomp you. Eat you alive. Did someone lie to me?"

IZZY

"Uhh," Hansel said again.

LINA

"Did you lie to me?"

IZZY

"Nah, nah," he said hastily. "Uh, I mean, piranhas are nasty little bastard, but they don't really eat folk alive. I mean. They'll fuckin' attack you, sure. But."

LINA

"But?"

IZZY

"I mean, you can get away from'em," he said, exasperated. "S'just an animal. They ain't that dangerous. Neither's sharks. People just get wigged out about shit in the ocean, sometimes, when they ain't used to it."

Granted, sometimes that shit was fucking huge motherfucker sea beasts that wrecked ships and breathed lightning and had cannons strapped to it. He shivered a little.

LINA

Goro drew back a little to give Hansel a look. He pinched Hansel's scarred shoulder.

IZZY

"Lissen."

LINA

"Can't blame that thing, really. You are fuckin' tasty looking." Goro licked his lips and grinned.

IZZY

Hansel psshh'd gently.

LINA

"Meaty." Goro squeezed Hansel's biceps. "Fulla nutrients."

IZZY

"Fulla booze."

LINA

"Hey, whatever it's gonna take to get you to ravish me. Yum." Goro leaned forward and nipped the base of Hansel's neck.

IZZY

He gave another weak psshh.

LINA

Goro didn't pull away. He just tucked his face against Hansel's neck and stayed there for a bit, breathing him in. "Want you to get better. Tell me how to make you better."

IZZY

"Get me off this island." Hansel said it like it was a joke, since it wasn't fucking possible.

LINA

"'Kay." Goro gave him another squeeze, then stepped away and started marching toward the ruins of the ship.

IZZY

"Hey, now. Hey." Hansel caught his hand and pulled him back.

LINA

"What? I gotta go fix the ship."

IZZY

"Nuh-uh."

LINA

"I'm gonna get you off, god damn it."

IZZY

Hansel opened his mouth and closed it. He snorted.

LINA

"What? I..." Goro caught himself, then he snorted too. He stepped back in to wrap around Hansel again. "Squeeze," he ordered.

IZZY

"Aye, your holiness." Hansel squeezed him tight, lifting him up onto his toes and swaying side to side. He kissed Goro's head a couple times.

LINA

"Psh. If I started a religion, would you join?"

IZZY

"Mmhm." He stayed buried in Goro's hair. "In a heartbeat."

LINA

"Neat. Church of Goro. You gotta make a tithe."

IZZY

"Yeah?"

LINA

"Hundred hugs a day."

IZZY

"Hmm." He pretended he had to consider it. "Think I can swing that."

LINA

"You sure? 'Cause if you don't hit the quota, you bring down divine wrath."

IZZY

"What's that look like?"

LINA

"Tickling. And biting."

IZZY

"I'm willin' to take that risk," Hansel said solemnly.

LINA

"You sure?" Goro put his hands into position for tickling Hansel's sides.

IZZY

Hansel spread his arms.

LINA

Goro tickled savagely and chomped on Hansel's shoulder.

IZZY

Hansel grinned and squirmed, trying to stay still, refusing to laugh.

LINA

Goro let up after a minute, shaking his head. "Only been, what, ten hugs today? Damn shame."

IZZY

"I been busy," Hansel protested.

LINA

"Too busy to attend the Church of Goro? Ain't no excuse."

IZZY

"I'm attendin' right now," Hansel said, and scooped him up in another hug.

LINA

"By the way, each hug only counts as one, no matter how long it is. Just sayin'."

IZZY

"Seems like somebody's got his finger on the scale, there. Don't sound fair."

LINA

"Well, I'm like... a god and shit now, or whatever. You kinda don't got a choice."

IZZY

"All right, your holiness," Hansel said indulgently, kissed his head, and set him back down. "Your loyal fuckin' subject needs to finish up dinner, though, eh?"

LINA

"Psh. I guess. I'll be merciful this time. Hey, you need any more help?"

IZZY

"Aye. Just stand there and look deific for me, eh?"

- - -

Once dinner was served and over, Hansel retreated to the inland side of their little camp to roam around the edge of the light, worrying his trident in his hand. He was still hungry. Thought he was, anyway. Maybe just a flashback. Phantom hunger.

LINA

Goro watched Hansel from afar at first. Just taking in the way he stalked back and forth, worrying his trident. Acting haunted.

Goro chewed his thumbnail as he approached. Took a few steps forward, paused. A few steps more, paused.

IZZY

Hansel glanced at him, registered that he was there. Kept pacing.

LINA

Goro kept chewing his nail. "Can I help?" His voice came out so quiet, he wasn't sure Hansel heard.

IZZY

"Oughta try to get to sleep," Hansel said, kind of absently, then remembered, and hesitated, and waved Goro over to him, holding his arm out.

LINA

Goro came over and pressed himself against Hansel's side. He looked out into the darkness, wondering what Hansel was watching for.

IZZY

Hansel squeezed him and was still for a moment, then went back to pacing -- trident in one hand, Goro in the other. Kept Goro on the light side, closer to camp.

LINA

"Whatcha watching for?"

IZZY

"Anything."

LINA

"You wanna play cards, or something?"

IZZY

"Ehn." He considered it. Would keep him occupied. "In a bit, maybe. Just ... just gotta keep a look out."

LINA

"Hans," Goro said quietly. "You're--you're not even the best lookout. I'd do better. You gotta rest."

IZZY

"Hey," he said, irritated.

LINA

"What?"

IZZY

"I'm fine."

LINA

"Sure fuckin' ain't," Goro muttered.

IZZY

He growled lowly.

LINA

Goro rubbed his face irritably. "Um, can we at least sit down? Or is pacing helping you feel better?"

IZZY

"You can sit if y'like," he grumbled.

LINA

Goro pulled away from him and plopped down cross-legged on the ground, resting his head in his hands. "I'm tired," he mumbled.

IZZY

Hansel stayed by him, fidgeting with the grooves on his trident. Felt like he needed to keep moving, keep doing something. Needed to help Goro, though, help him sleep. That was more important. He scuffed his boot in the sand, all fucking indecisive.

Then he shifted his trident onto his back and knelt down next to Goro, wrapping his arms around him protectively. "Sorry," he mumbled.

LINA

Goro squeezed his eyes shut. He put his hands on top of Hansel's arms and gripped tightly. "I just want you to be okay. 'S'driving me nuts. I can't help."

IZZY

Hansel made a pathetic sound. Started to say sorry again, sorry for being impossible to help. "I know."

LINA

"Maybe I could... send to Sam. Like I did on the pirate ship. Maybe he could come get us."

IZZY

"Yeah, maybe," he mumbled. "Might meet up with the monster on the way. Dunno where to tell him to come." He tried to focus. Be fucking optimistic and shit. "Tomorrow, when we got the daylight -- we can get our bearings. Maybe then."

LINA

"This was such a fucking stupid idea," Goro muttered. "Information gathering, or whatever. We oughta just get outta the fucking South Sea, is what. We got my brother, that's all that fucking matters."

IZZY

"Ain't a stupid idea," Hansel defended weakly. "S'Mishka's idea."

LINA

"You trying to say he's incapable of stupid ideas, or what?"

IZZY

Hansel mumbled incoherently, wanting to stick up for Mishka but with no ground to. Wasn't like he'd fuckin' wanted to do this either.

LINA

"What's next, Goro's never had a stupid idea? Jonn's never had a stupid idea?"

IZZY

"Stop," Hansel said wearily. "Stop. Please."

LINA

"'Kay. Sorry." Goro bit his lip and peered up at the sky, hoping to see some stars. Something to distract himself, keep himself from talking. Or just find something new to talk about.

IZZY

Hansel hid his face in Goro's neck for a moment, squeezing his eyes shut tight. He took a breath and pulled backs to kiss Goro's hair and nuzzle against him.

LINA

Goro jiggled one of his feet. He ground his teeth for a second. "You--you want quiet? Or should I talk?"

IZZY

"Dunno," he mumbled into Goro's hair. "You tired enough to try sleepin'?" He seemed fidgety. Might just be because Hansel was being fuckin' weird, though.

LINA

Goro shrugged. He worried Hansel was just trying to get rid of him. "Guess I could try."

IZZY

He kissed Goro's hair again before pulling back, and petting it instead. "Could look at the stars instead," he said, watching Goro's face. "Can show you the constellations. Stars sailors use for navigatin'." He hesitated. "Just -- I just gotta be doing somethin'. Gotta try to feel ... useful. Y'know?"

LINA

Goro nodded. "Constellations. Show me."

IZZY

"Gonna pick you up. 'Kay? Just to get closer to the others, an' the fire."

LINA

He nodded again.

IZZY

Hansel scooped him up to carry him further into the circle of light, where they could see the others and the others could see them, then settled back down again -- still with Goro on the inside, closer to the fire. He settled back and nudged Goro to use him as a pillow -- chest or stomach or lap, whatever he preferred.

LINA

Goro climbed onto Hansel's lap and straddled him, legs around his waist and arms around his back. He rested his head on Hansel's shoulder. Be trickier for them to look at the same stars that way, but Goro wasn't feeling like having his front side exposed. Just one of those weird things.

"I know one constellation, 'cause there's one for Mask," he said. "Dunno if everyone knows that one, though, or it's just Maskarrans claiming it for themselves."

IZZY

"Nah, I dunno that one," Hansel said, genuinely interested. "Show me?"

The moon was waxing overhead, but slender -- not offering too much light, giving a clear, clear view of the stars.

LINA

Goro pulled back and scanned the sky until he found it, then pointed. "See them three stars all in a row right there? You go to the one all the way on the left, and then fwoosh. Straight up from there." He pointed to a new spot. "Then there's that little cluster right there, that looks like an upside-down triangle. That's it."

IZZY

Hansel gave a few hms, searching for it, then an ah. "Yeah. Sailors call that one The Vixen. S'posed to be a celestial fox, put up in the stars to watch over folk. You call it a mask, or ...?" A rose, maybe. Something else Maskarran.

LINA

"Yeah. There's the two eyes and its mouth, see. Kinda does look more like a fox, though, yeah."

IZZY

"Mm." Hansel nodded. "Wonder if other religions got special constellations. I dunno of any, but ... I wouldn't," he admitted. Only ever vaguely paid any attention to Silvanus. Same with Valkur and Eldath. Maybe he should give more of a shit about Selune, he considered. Serena would like that, he bet.

LINA

"Maybe. Ain't the clerics who spread the thing about the Mask constellation around, though. It's street kids. Thieves. Better luck to steal shit if those stars are keeping watch on you, and all. So... feels weird to call it a religion thing, though I guess... yeah, dunno what else you'd call it."

IZZY

"Oh. Huh. More, uh -- superstition, kinda thing? There's --" he pointed up, into the western sky -- "there's this bright orange star, right up there, dunno if you can spot it. Some old sailors say it's bad luck to sail west when it's up there. Ain't s'posed to follow it, they say."

LINA

Goro looked, and squinted when he found it. He shuddered. "Creepy."

IZZY

"Nah, they're fulla shit." Hansel stroked his hair. "Drunk ol' sailors don't know what they're fuckin' talkin' about. Say you'll sail off the edge of the damn world."

LINA

"You got any proof otherwise?"

IZZY

"Aye," Hansel said. "Folks been around the world. Ain't got a damn edge. Fuckin' round an' shit."

LINA

"Maybe it's got edges somewhere. And just that the people who've found it went off, and couldn't come back to tell."

IZZY

"S'pose," Hansel allowed. "Still. S'just a star. Sure plenty a' folks sailed towards it without even noticin' it, and turned out fine."

LINA

Goro wrapped around him more tightly. "Hey, what's the farthest away you've ever been? Shou Leng?"

IZZY

"Nah. That's real fuckin' far. Mostly just sailed 'round the southern seas," he said, still petting Goro's hair. Usually Goro liked that, and it helped him to relax, too. "Never even been that far north."

LINA

"Ah. Well." Goro tipped his head back carefully, not wanting to dislodge Hansel's hand. "Tell me some more constellations, anyhow."

IZZY

"Mm." He shifted to cup the back of Goro's head, supporting him and working fingers into his hair to massage his scalp. He tilted his head back, too. "Y'see those five, all at nice angles, shaped like a cross? Just straight up and then a bit left. S'posed to be an albatross with his wings spread out."

LINA

"Nnn." Goro could barely keep his eyes open with Hansel doing that hair thing. Felt so damn relaxing. "Yeah?"

IZZY

"Mmhm. An' just under him, there's those three stars all close together, in a row -- s'the beak of this eagle who's chasin' him. Serena, uh -- she's the one that taught me a lotta constellations," he said. "She says the albatross an' the eagle represent, y'know, fuckin' ... tenacity, an' shit. How you gotta keep tryin'. Eagle's been after the albatross for years and years, and the albatross's been runnin' away. They both gotta keep tryin' their hardest."

LINA

"Albatross's better, 'cause he ain't been caught yet." Goro closed his eyes.

IZZY

"Yeah," Hansel said, quiet. "Always liked the albatross better." He leaned his head back down to kiss Goro's shoulder.

LINA

Goro batted his eyes open again and scanned the sky. He pointed at a formation of several bright stars. "I always thought that one looked like a bird. That a bird?"

IZZY

Hansel looked back up, trying to follow where Goro was pointing. "That li'l cluster of'em? I heard that one was six sisters. Sirens. Uh, they all got names, but I don't remember'em."

LINA

"Psh. Oughta be a bird." Goro switched from looking at the sky to looking at Hansel's face. Better view, honestly.

IZZY

He kept looking up, for a bit. "Can be a bird. Ain't anyone stoppin' us from sayin' that it is." Then he looked down again, going back to slowly petting him. "What kinda bird you want? Crow?"

LINA

"Seagull was what I thought, when I was a kid. Crows are better, though."

IZZY

"Aye," Hansel agreed. "My favorite bird, right there."

LINA

"Pssssh. You're just sayin' that 'cause of me."

IZZY

"Uh-huh. Sure am."

LINA

"Psssh," Goro insisted. He closed his eyes again.

IZZY

"Psshh," Hansel teased gently, and pulled Goro into his chest, kissing the top of his head.

LINA

"Ravens are alright too," Goro said, for lack of anything else to say. He just felt embarrassed.

IZZY

"Yeah. Like magpies, too. Li'l thieves. Make me think of Larkin. An' Jonn."

LINA

"Mm." Goro pressed his face against Hansel's chest, working it back and forth a little like he was trying to burrow in. "Kinda bird would you be? Maybe a hawk."

IZZY

"Hmm. Yeah, maybe." He mulled it over. Hadn't been able to wildshape into any birds. Lady said it'd take more practice, and he might never get there. Seemed odd, now, trying to think about what kinda bird he'd be, when he could be other kinds of animals -- just not bird. "Condor, maybe. They're real goddamn big. Wings like a goddamn dragon or some shit. Somethin' like nine feet, no joke. Big motherfuckers."

LINA

"Hot," Goro said. "I mean--not--not birds. I don't think birds are hot. But you. You're a big motherfucker, and you're hot."

IZZY

Hansel snickered a little.

LINA

"Oh, you think that's funny, huh? That I like big guys? Pfff."

IZZY

"Nah. Think it's cute."

LINA

"You're actually the only one, I think. I dunno. Y'know, Az is fucking huge and I don't think he does it for me like you do."

IZZY

Hansel made a thoughtful sound. "Was gonna ask if you really like Sam 'cause he's big an' all." He didn't think Sam was that big. Kinda lean, like Goro was, and taller than him or Mishka, but not as tall as Hansel. Goro'd said something about cuddling with him. Nearest big warm guy.

LINA

"Nah. Nah, I just like him 'cause he's neat. He is pretty big, though. It's nice. It's hot. He's off the market, though. Doesn't that suck?"

IZZY

"Don't matter if I'm off the market, too," Hansel said, amused. Supposed he might've cared at some point. Just didn't anymore, though. He was satisfied.

LINA

"I mean it sucks for me. Man... imagine both of you at the same time. Man."

IZZY

Hansel laughed into Goro's hair. "What, him and his demon exclusive, or somethin'?"

LINA

"Nah, he just doesn't do fucking, I think. Wait, since when are you off the market?"

IZZY

"Since I got you."

LINA

"Nuh uh. You were gonna do it with Morgan."

IZZY

"Psshh." Fuckin' embarrassing, that. He brushed it off. "Eh. Yeah, not anymore, though. Figured out I don't got any interest in sleepin' around anymore, I guess."

LINA

Goro snorted. "I'm that good, huh?"

IZZY

"Just real satisfied." Hansel nuzzled into his hair. "Got Mishka. Got you. Got Raef. Shit, I ain't got any time left over for anybody else."

LINA

"Hm. Well, supposing I brought someone home, though."

IZZY

"For you, or for both of us?"

LINA

"Both of us. Should I not?"

IZZY

"Eh." Hansel kissed his head and went back to petting his hair. Had to give him this much -- it was a distracting fuckin' conversation. "Case by case? You wanna bring someone home, you can."

LINA

"Another big hot guy."

IZZY

He made an ehh sound. "Don't care for other big guys that much. Small guys." He kissed Goro's hair a couple times. "Pretty guys."

LINA

"Psh. You got a couple of those already. Gotta expand your horizons." Goro wiggled his fingers against Hansel's ticklish spot.

IZZY

"Psshh. Expanded my horizons plenty. I know what I like," Hansel said, batting at one of Goro's hands idly.

LINA

"I'm not small or pretty. Well, guess I'm small compared to you. That how it works?"

IZZY

"Pft. Chatichi." Wasn't so much calling him handsome as reminding him that he did.

LINA

"Doesn't count," Goro said, though he wasn't quite sure what he meant.

IZZY

"Does too."

LINA

"Pretty and chatich aren't the same thing." Goro frowned, thinking. "Also, I ain't even gonna admit that I'm chatich. Just that it'd be too much work to argue with you every time."

IZZY

"Psh, are too the same thing. Y'call hot people chatich in orcish whether you think they're pretty or handsome or whatever."

LINA

"Doesn't mean you're all of the above in Common."

IZZY

"Does too."

LINA

"Psh. Well, whatever. We already know you ain't got great eyesight." Goro leaned back so he could hold his arms up, hands together like a book, and pretended to stick his nose in it to read. "This's you."

IZZY

"Hey, now. What, I ain't gettin' close enough?" He pulled Goro's hands down by his wrists and gave him a quick kiss, then leaned their foreheads together, gazing into Goro's eyes.

LINA

"Pffff," Goro insisted. He squirmed.

IZZY

Hansel rubbed their noses together and whispered, "Close enough yet?"

LINA

"Fine. Bad taste, then. Pfff."

IZZY

"Nahh. I'm well-fuckin'- traveled. I know quality when I see it, eh?" he teased.

LINA

Goro frowned. He couldn't figure out a good rebuttal to that.

IZZY

"Uh-huh."

LINA

"Still."

IZZY

"Still nothin'."

LINA

"Bet you can't find another person alive who thinks I'm pretty. How about that?"

IZZY

He grinned. "Maybe Sam thinks you're pretty."

LINA

"Nah, I don't think so," Goro said in complete earnestness.

IZZY

"Oughta ask'im."

LINA

"What? Fuck no." He felt his face get warmer just thinking about it.

IZZY

"Bet Morgan thinks you're pretty."

LINA

Goro thought for a minute. "God fucking damn it. You're probably right. Ugh."

IZZY

Hansel gave a victorious hah.

LINA

"Listen, though, if anyone's got weird taste, it's fuckin' Morgan."

IZZY

"Oh, aye? You two talked about havin' weird tastes last time you hung out, huh?"

LINA

"Nah, she's just got that vibe. Freaky and shit. You know what I mean?"

IZZY

"Nah." He genuinely thought for a moment. "Nah. Seemed pretty fuckin' normal, to me, to be honest."

LINA

"Well... she only went through with fucking one of us. And which one of us is the bigger freak, huh? Case closed."

IZZY

"You reckon it's you?" Hansel asked, amused.

LINA

"Uh, yeah."

IZZY

"Nah, ahuv." Hansel gave him a fond look. "Nah."

LINA

"Prove it."

IZZY

"Sweetheart, you ain't had fuckin' time to match me."

LINA

"You're only four years older, dick."

IZZY

He snorted. "Nah, nah, I got more'n four years on you when it comes to fuckin' around."

LINA

"Oh. Oh. Psssh. Ain't what I meant." Goro hunched over to hide his face.

IZZY

"S'what I meant."

LINA

"Alright. Well. Fine. That a challenge? 'Cause I'll catch up real easy, what with you settling down and becoming an honest man and all."

IZZY

Hansel kissed his head. "Yeah, a'right. Love to see that." He wasn't even being sarcastic. Sounded great.

LINA

"I'm gonna go find the freakiest fucking monster thing I can, and I'm gonna fuck it."

IZZY

Hansel snorted again. "Monster thing, huh? Jumpin' straight away from people."

LINA

"'S'that supposed to mean?"

IZZY

"Plenty experience to be had with people, y'know. Ain't gotta fuck a monster."

He felt uncomfortable saying it, though. Wanted to change the subject.

LINA

"Oh. Oh. I thought you meant--" Goro snorted and giggled at himself. "Thought you meant jumping like, y'know, jumping. Thought it was some weird sex thing I never heard of. Fucking hell."

IZZY

"Pffff." Hansel tousled his hair, relieved to be off track.

LINA

"I thought about fucking Diva," Goro offered. "I mean, I wouldn't now. But when I first met her. Some warlocks get their power that way, right? And I thought, goddamn."

IZZY

"Fuckin' questionable decision," Hansel acknowledged.

He felt worse again.

LINA

"Um. Did I say something wrong? Should we talk about something else?"

IZZY

"Nah," Hansel said quickly, reflexively. "Nah. Uh." He hesitated. "Could talk about somethin' else, though."

LINA

Goro opened his mouth and shut it again. He wanted to fucking know what the problem was, so he didn't do it again. Might not be a good time to push Hansel, though. So he didn't say anything at all.

IZZY

Hansel kept petting Goro's hair. Without Goro saying anything, he just sort of fucking stewed in his own thoughts -- they chased each other around and looped and looped, and he scratched his tongue against his broken tusk, and finally hesitantly said, "Just -- kinda seems like you got a type. Uh. Ain't anything wrong with that, I mean. Just."

LINA

"Eh?"

IZZY

"Monsters," he mumbled. "Y'know."

LINA

"Fucking what." Goro put the pieces together, though. He knew what Hansel thought of himself. "Motherfucker, no. God."

IZZY

"Ehn."

LINA

"Y'know how many people I've actually slept with, right?"

IZZY

"Yeah," Hansel muttered. Didn't seem relevant.

LINA

"Name 'em," Goro pressed.

IZZY

Hansel sighed. "Me an' Mishka. And Wyn. Right?"

LINA

"Oh. Yeah. I didn't tell you about Raef."

IZZY

"Mm." Hansel blinked, disoriented. "Oh. 'Kay."

LINA

"Just once. Few days ago." Goro felt like biting his bracelet, but he didn't wanna let go of Hansel, so he bit Hansel's shirt instead.

IZZY

"Uh." Hansel felt like he oughta say something, here. "Uh, I mean, that's fine. S'great. Just ... wasn't expecting you to say that."

LINA

"'Kay, well, um. Anyway. What was I saying? Oh yeah. Alright, you think about those four people. And tell me how many of 'em are monsters."

IZZY

"Ain't just about who you actually fuck. You're talkin' about fuckin' monsters. Diva."

LINA

"Yeah, but--" Goro bit the inside of his lip. He couldn't figure out how they'd gotten here. Where this conversation had gone wrong. Just made him feel confused and nervous. He buried his face against Hansel again.

IZZY

Hansel wrapped around Goro and planted his face in Goro's hair unhappily.

LINA

"I don't know what you want me to say," Goro said miserably, muffled.

IZZY

Hansel made an indistinct iuno sound against Goro's hair. Kind of wanted Goro to just ... tell him that he wasn't a monster. That he was different from Diva. But Goro had fucking said that to him, and he guessed he just didn't fuckin' believe it. Couldn't seem to get it through his goddamn head. Fuckin' idiot.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "Forget about it."

LINA

"I can't." Goro shifted around, almost like he was trying to break free, but grabbing fistfuls of Hansel's shirt at the same time. "When I mess up, you gotta tell me what I did wrong."

IZZY

"Didn't mess up," Hansel protested. "It's me."

LINA

"Then--well--you--" Goro kept fidgeting. "You keep--taking shit I say, and turning it into more excuses to hate yourself. But that's not fair. I love you more than anything. I just wanna say the right thing."

IZZY

Hansel made a distressed sound. "No, no, I --." He cut himself off and chewed on his words, trying to work through them. "It ain't -- it ain't what you're sayin', s'just --."

He grumbled in frustration -- at himself, not at Goro, but -- he realized as he was doing it that maybe it'd seem like it was at Goro. Even if Hansel said it wasn't. Even if he said it wasn't Goro's fault, and it was his, that didn't mean Goro would get to just ... feel like that was real, and the truth. Even if he knew Hansel couldn't lie for shit. Still wouldn't feel okay.

He wished they were at the castle, closed up safe in one of their rooms, private and away from other folks. Wished this was easier.

"It ain't what you're sayin'," he tried again, quiet. "Just --." He kept struggling with it, and tried to come at it from a different direction. "I know -- I know you love me. Just ... don't love myself. Can't ... figure out how. Makes it hard to not -- I dunno, not ... hear the wrong shit. Just fuckin' expect shit to be bad," he mumbled. "Sorry."

LINA

Goro grabbed onto Hansel more fiercely. He swayed a little, like he could rock them both while on Hansel's lap, face buried in Hansel's chest. He sniffed and swallowed. Wanted to say something, but couldn't find the words just yet.

IZZY

Hansel held him back and swayed with him.

LINA

"I get it," Goro managed finally. "I get it. I know, um--I know, 'cause I can't figure out how to love myself, either." He sniffed again. "Guess we gotta just... stay out of each other's way. I let you love me, you let me love you."

IZZY

"Get out of our own goddamn way, more like," Hansel said weakly, trying to make a joke out of it.

LINA

"Mm." Goro nodded.

IZZY

Hansel nodded, too, face still planted in Goro's hair. Gave him a good, solid squeeze.

LINA

"I'm mad," Goro said weakly.

IZZY

"Nn," Hansel said.

LINA

"Mad we're here. And not sitting on the porch outside our cottage, watching the waves roll in. Just being happy."

IZZY

"Yeah," Hansel said miserably. "Yeah." He held onto Goro tighter. "Together, though. We're together. Ain't so bad."

LINA

"True. I'd be a real sad son of a bitch if I weren't with you. Just like... y'know, my whole life, up 'til now."

IZZY

Hansel frowned and cuddled him aggressively. "Yeah, well. Better now."

He should try to fuckin' ... remember that. That even if he fucking hated himself, thought he was awful, a goddamn monster -- if he'd done one good thing, it was showing Goro that he could be happy. Maybe someone else would've done it -- could've done it, definitely. But he did it first. He did it earliest. He'd managed to make Goro happy for this long, and that was ... that was good, at least, even if he wasn't good.

That was good.