Last Will and Testament

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## Transcript

Matt: Welcome, family of the late Ezekiel Josiah Worthington III. The purpose of our meeting here tonight is the reading of the last will and testament of the deceased and the distribution of assets belonging thereto. With your permission, I will commence.

Matt: "My dear family, I know you've all been waiting a long time for this. So have I. To my daughter Mallory, I leave behind a heritance of one million dollars. This money is to be given at a rate of one dollar per second while she resists the urge to scratch her nose."
Mallory: What?
Matt: "However, should she scratch her nose at any point over the next eleven days, thirteen hours, forty-six minutes, and forty seconds, she shall forfeit the entire amount, at which time, the money will be used to buy a million dollars worth of diamonds, European chocolates, and Bichon Frise puppies, all of which will be placed in a luxury Sedan, and driven into the ocean."
Mallory: Oh no.

Matt: "To my adopted son Stephen..."
Stephen: I'm adopted?!
Matt: "..I leave behind my personal library, valued at over two million dollars. However, in order to assume ownership, he must first read to the family a specific book of my choosing. The book is Stephen's personal journal. I would like him to begin on page 42."
Stephen: "November 19th, 1993. Age 13. My body is beginning to change."
Mallory: I'm so uncomfortable.

Matt: "And finally, to my wife Whitney, I give the lion's share of my assets. And to Jason, my son who is not adopted - pause to look at Stephen - I give a choice. The inheritance is freely given to Whitney, but is contingent of her winning an arm wrestling contest with Jason."
Stephen: "It would be really great if I could kiss a girl."
Matt: Begin.
Jason: Okay, I'm not going to take my own mother's inheritance. This is sick. Don't worry, mom, I'll just let you win.
Matt: "The inheritance shall include the following: the antique grand piano, the art collection including both Van Goghs and the Monet, the sports cars including the Maserati, all four of the boats..."
Whitney: Jason, what are you doing?
Jason: Shh.
Matt: "..the ten plasma flat screens, the personal gourmet chef..."
Mallory: Guys, okay, we can't let him divide us like this, okay, we need mercy! Somebody scratch my face or stab me in the leg!
Matt: "...the 10,000 square foot home gym, the private jet, and finally, the monkey butler. Tuxedo included."
Whitney: Ah!
Jason: Sorry, mom.
Stephen: "...I have a crush on my cousin Sophie..." Who I'm apparently not related to anymore! I need to make a call.

Matt: "And finally, there is the matter of the 12 acre mansion estate. I was unable to decide how to distribute this evenly, and have thus decided to leave it up to the four of you." I will now turn out the lights.

## Trivia

* This sketch was uploaded the day after the episode aired on BYUtv.
* This is the final sketch of Season 2 Episode 4.
	+ The sketch is of the same length as the seventh sketch Peter Pan's Shadow.
* This sketch features the most cast members since the Season 2 Episode 3 finale Protecting the Innocent.
	+ It is only the fourth sketch of Season 2 to feature more than seven cast members, after Welcome Back Song, WrongCom, and the sketch mentioned above.
* This is the fortieth sketch in which James Perry appears, and the first time since the previous episode finale.