The Chaos Theory 2/1/17

(The backstage set up has one round table with seats for three people. The Chaos logo stands behind the table while the TV display has “The Chaos Theory” on display. Hosts Renee Young and Shane McMahon come out and take their seats.)

Young: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the first ever edition of… THE CHAOS THEORY!!!

McMahon: And what better way to kick off the first Chaos of the new year with a brand new show! This is The Chaos Theory, a talk show where Renee and I here talk to the superstars of Chaos after every broadcast. Just like with Chaos, we aren’t pulling any punches here. Everything is just as unfiltered, unedited, and unrestricted as it always is. I’m very excited to be hosting this show with our resident backstage interviewer, Renee Young.

Young: And it’s a pleasure to be working with you too! Tonight’s guests will be Kota Ibushi and… uh oh…

McMahon: Yup. Jimmy Havoc.

Young: What are your thoughts so far on Jimmy Havoc?

McMahon: A great signing, for sure. I’m not going to lie, it took a lot of careful consideration but in the end it worked out for the best. Chaos viewership is at an all time high ever since HYDRA has left and the arrival and immediate impact Jimmy Havoc made on this show is a big reason why.

Young: No worries whatsoever about what he may do on Chaos, in regards to the Regression back in PROGRESS Wrestling?

McMahon: Well it is what it is Renee. Things happen in wrestling that we can’t often help. Jimmy Havoc was a unique talent who managed to turn an entire company against him. The authority angle is often overplayed. The big bad machine holds down the young upstart and then you get months of antsy anticipation of the top heel holding the title until the babyface in question wins it and ends the storyline. We’ve see this too many times in the past, with the NWO, Stone Cold Steve Austin against the McMahons, Daniel Bryan with the Authority… And right now The Shield vs The Fourth Reich. Typical Survival, using overplayed tropes and doing nothing original.

Young: …

McMahon: I’m joking. Survival is doing great and I’m glad we have some great competition here in the RRW.

Young: Speaking of the competition, Uprising has really been on the rise - no pun intended.

McMahon: That pun was totally intended.

Young: Sue me.

McMahon: Well yes, Uprising is definitely taking the RRW by storm. It’s a bittersweet feeling everytime I hear a fan talk about how Uprising is the best show in the RRW. I truly believe it is just as good as Chaos and Survival. What was once meant to be a developmental show has quickly broken those boundaries and become a top show of quality. Ricochet is an exceptional world champion, and he truly did deserve his Best World Champion award. Marty Scurll, now there’s a character. I was going to sign him over to Chaos, but Paul Heyman decided he wanted him, and honestly I didn’t see much in Marty at the time. I saw him as Pure Champion at best but it just goes to show the genius of the Uprising creative team, turning Marty into truly the hottest commodity here in the RRW.

???: Are you really going to say Marty fucking Scurll is the hottest commodity here in the RRW?

(Shane and Renee turn to the side and Jimmy Havoc walks into view.)

McMahon: Jimmy! How are you doing?

Havoc: I was doing fine until you asked me to appear on this show. What the hell is all this anyways?

McMahon: This is The Chaos Theory, as you might now. A talk show to discuss the events of Chaos and just to have a good time in general.

Havoc: I was having a great time in the back smoking a blunt you understand me?

McMahon: Welp. Don’t be too surprised to get a wellness policy examination in a few weeks.

Havoc: Fuck your wellness policy. I’m going to do a line of coke right before the test and get suspended on purpose. I’m very edgy like that.

McMahon: I’m sure you are.

Havoc: Anyways, get on with it won’t you? I have important things to go do.

Young: Well our first question - and considering we were just talking about him - is, what do you think of Uprising’s Marty Scurll?

Havoc: Is this fucking show about me or Marty? Anyways. I respect the man. He calls himself the Villain and by god he lives up to that name. While I did spend 3 years terrorizing PROGRESS Wrestling as part of the Regression, I still managed to get cheered from time to time just on account of how cool I am. Joking aside, Marty is a once-in-a-lifetime talent. Uprising has been for the better ever since he arrived, and his character has set precedent for people like me to be just as crazy and wild. I think that Marty is on the fast track to becoming the Uprising World Champion, and it sucks that we’re on different shows, but I’m eyeing Civil War as an opportunity to collide with Marty - or even team up with him.

McMahon: That’s a match Paul Heyman and myself will both try our hardest to sign.

Havoc: You better.

Young: Our second question - you were reportedly contacted by Triple H and Paul Heyman. Why did you choose Chaos?

Havoc: Isn’t it obvious? Chaos and Havoc are synonyms. That and with the departure of ten men from Chaos, Shane had a shit ton of money to pay me. I’m here for a reason. I will dominate this show like I did PROGRESS Wrestling. I may be all fun and smiles here, one, because of the nature of this show, and two, because I spent all night fighting Nakamura and Okada. But when it’s time for me to make my move and take this show by the balls, I’m going to fucking do it, and you’re not going to like it Shane. You’re going to hate me. You’re going to wish you never signed me, but fuck it, in the end you’re going to love that you did because no one makes money like Jimmy Havoc. I’m going to be the biggest draw this company has ever seen. People will pay hundreds of dollars to see me get hurt, but I’m going to come out on top every time. While I brought regression and destruction to PROGRESS, I’m going to take both Chaos - and Jimmy Havoc - to new heights.

(Renee and Shane both look on quietly while Havoc stares them down intensely.)

Young: … Uhm okay. So, our third and final question. As we head into the Royal Rumble season, who do you see as a bigger threat to your current position on the card - Shinsuke Nakamura or Kazuchika Okada?

Havoc: Well yes. I took Chaos by storm. Came here with a bang.

McMahon: While on the topic of your arrival, why not get into more details about your debut and the whole code fiasco? I’m sure people would love to hear about that.

Havoc: Fine. Well as you know Shane, when I signed I expected a good deal of creative freedom.

McMahon: And I was happy to give it to you.

Havoc: Yes. I used the code to create ambiguity. After HYDRA left, there were a good deal of new signings all rumored to arrive on Chaos. Tommy End, Big Damo, Jack Gallagher, Chris Jericho, and the list goes on and on. I was one of the biggest names hyped up, so I went with the code to create suspense. It could have been Tommy End. Could have been a returning Randy Orton. Many people suspected Jericho because he’s used the code shtick twice before to hype himself up. As for the code itself, no it didn’t stand for anything. I used an acronym of my name, but more important than the code itself was what the code was bringing.

McMahon: Thanks for that answer.

Havoc: Now back to the main question. I arrived as a top guy on Chaos and I intend to stay in this position. Nakamura is the main concern in my mind, no question. He has what I want, the Chaos World Championship. Okada for me is an afterthought. I don’t care about Okada. He’s a little bitch and I will treat him as such. I’m going to cut this short. I’m winning the Royal Rumble, and I’m going for the World Championship. Thank you, and good fucking night.

(Havoc stands up and walks off while Shane and Renee wait for the next guest.)

Young: Now that was something else.

McMahon: Yes it was. Now our next guest may somehow be an even MORE controversial figure than Jimmy Havoc, and that’s Kota Ibushi.

(Kota Ibushi walks into frame and takes a seat.)

McMahon: First and foremost, I just want it to be known that Ibushi is NOT under Chaos contract. First of all, why don’t you explain the legal mumbo jumbo about your contract.

Ibushi: When I first debuted on this show against Shinsuke Nakamura, it was meant to be a one and done deal.

McMahon: Right. I needed someone for Nakamura to go over before he faced the Rock and you were a good choice.

Ibushi: Whatever. The point is, I’m under contract with the RRW to work a certain number of dates. So technically, I was never signed to Chaos exclusively. I can appear on both Uprising and Chaos whenever I want. I have three more dates left in me before my contract runs out. So basically, what I’m saying is I can show up on Chaos three more times and you can’t do anything about it.

McMahon: Fair enough, a contract is a contract. But let me do you this, Ibushi. I’m sure everyone has heard the announcement about the February PPV, Gates of Valhalla, and that Hideo Itami will be defending his International Championship in the main event. I’m announcing that main event right now - Hideo Itami vs Kota Ibushi, ONE LAST TIME. If you win, you will be signed to a Chaos contract, but if you lose, you will NEVER appear on this show again.

Ibushi: I accept.

McMahon: We’ll have an official contract signing the night after the Royal Rumble.

Young: What an announcement! Now on to the questions. First, you’ve faced Hideo Itami three times before. You’ve had the help of HYDRA during those matches, but now you are one of its only two surviving members, and the other is busy in his own title affairs. If you couldn’t win WITH HYDRA’s help, how do you expect to win without it?

Ibushi: So you’re asking me to reveal my plans for the match? I’m not answering this idiotic question. You will see how I win when I become the International Champion at Gates to Valhalla.

Young: Next, many fans - or detractors I should say- have dubbed you the “Emo Faggot” of the RRW Universe. What do you think about that nickname?

Ibushi: They can call me whatever. I get paid hundreds of thousands of dollars. I’m in great shape. I fuck hot bitches on the daily. Whatever those virgins call me is irrelevant.

Young: I see you like to answer short and sweet.

Ibushi: Just shut up and continue.

McMahon: You want to show some respect here?

Ibushi: No.

Young: Anyways, now lastly, what are your thoughts on your return?

Ibushi: I am still a HYDRA sympathizer. It was the greatest feeling turning on Kevin Owens and Randy Orton at Life Sentence. My thoughts are that I’m glad to be back and continue doing what I was doing. And doesn’t it speak to HYDRA’s success, that even after Dario Cueto left, Okada and I are still the challengers to your main titles? Even Shane here has no choice but to accept the fact that we are exceptional talents.

McMahon: I hate your attitude, I hate you personally, but it’s true.

Ibushi: Exactly. I sent Hideo Itami to the hospital tonight. I don’t care how many times he knocks me out. I’m a fucking cockroach. He’s never going to kill me. I’ll tire him out and steal his title when he least expects it. I WILL walk out of Gates of Valhalla champion.

(Ibushi stands up and leaves.)

Young: Big words from Ibushi there…

McMahon: And that concludes episode one of The Chaos Theory! Be sure to tune into Chaos next week, and we’ll see you guys next time.

(camera fades to black.)