Families and Children

## Ideas for this page

* How children are raised in the community and resources for children
	+ What is expected of children
	+ What is allowed of children
	+ Limit setting in public spaces by adults who are not parents of the children
* Education for children
* Resources for parents and dynamics that parents experience
* Aging, resources for elders, and dynamics that elders experience
* Ability of members to maintain relationships with their family members living outside the community
* Pet policies and resources for pets / pet owners
	+ Things to deal with regarding pets
		- Dog poop
		- Dog barking
		- Dogs as threats to humans, esp children
		- Cats predating on wild birds, esp song birds and insectivores

## Possible Topics to Touch

Support for parents/pregnancies (in labor breaks? Monetary budget? Help from others raising children?)

Integrating children into community- time with other children and a variety of adults, slowly adding children into community work

Keeping children in touch with their family outside of the community

Education- joint schooling, homeschooling, sending to public school?

Providing for children's social needs (peers in their own age group, own gender, own race)- special consideration for smaller communities w/o many children

Norms for children (behavior, recreational activities, diets, etc.)

Limit on number of children or child/adult ration in community

Application/community process for pregnancies

Integrating new children into the community (consideration of their possibly different upbringing in mainstream culture)\

Being inclusive of different parental/family structures and parenting styles.

Legal considerations- child support? shared custody? birth?

Support/infrastructure for home births; back up plans for complications

What if one parent moves away or the child moves away while one parent remains? Making visitation possible.

Do children coming of age need to apply for membership?

How will children coming of age be provide for if they want to strike out on their own? Leaving funds? Funds for college?

Willingness of parents to release control of their children/have other people parent their children.

## Things to consider about children in communes

One of the basic problems with humans in general is their ability to imagine unrealistic plans. Many people might join a community thinking: “why don’t we talk more and come to an agreement on how we want to raise our children? It can sound like a good plan, but often people do not come to an agreement, and if they do they often realize that they have a wildly different interpretation of that agreement. Disagreement about raising children are a MAJOR cause of drama in community transparent:Below is a list of cautions regarding raising children in community:~~

1. Media. Some kids are sheltered from media and others are sucking it like a drug-laced pacifier. This leads to conflict OR to the tyranny of freedom: whichever parent has the least boundaries sets the bar for the rest of the kids~~
2. Junk food. Same as above. ~~
3. Childcare chores: this is largest type of tragedy of the commons: in communes when there is no organized form of childcare chores OR childcare is not labor-creditable, parents will often watch their own children even when watching 3 kids is less work than watching your own. (especially when they are mixed age). This leads to a huge waste of labor time, and further frustration with one’s own kids~~
4. Childcare chores: elders and teens. If you are starting a commune with kids you might want to remember the great potential value of retired individuals and teenagers in providing childcare. Teens have more energy than you and still remember what its like to play. Older people might be much calmer than you are with your kid since they might not feel as frustrated that the kid is preventing them from doing other work. ~~
5. Children should be given chores, roles, and direction of growth in a community. I know we live in a very individualistic society but I really think it doesn’t work for us when raising children. I think its best to provide children with a sense of belonging, responsibilities, mentorship, and communal identity. ~~
6. Some little boys might really dislike the commune life, but giving them a chance to learn and operate a tractor can turn them into devoted communards~~
7. Many hippie parents will not immunize their children, possibly due to fears of autism (proven wrong by the way) maybe a generalized fear of the medical establishment. Either way, this is a very controversial and difficult issue. Some vaccines are a very good idea, others are pretty unnecessary. But to be considered, maybe whoever started spreading the fear of vaccines is trying to cause the weed out all the hippies out of the gene pool, by making them vulnerable to disease.~~
8. Childhood sexuality: some open-minded liberal hippies may suddenly turn very conservative when they see kids studying each others anatomy or assisting one another in masturbation. It's important to realize that they are very unlikely to be contracting STI’s or pregnancy especially if they have equal access to contraceptives. So don’t freak out, don’t freak them out. And if you’re uncomfortable talking about sex find someone who is younger or less awkward than you. ~~
9. Generalized awkwardness: many adults feel awkward around kids. A bit like the way they feel when there’s someone else's hair in their brush. They don’t even want to remove it, and just look at it with disdain. It's important to foster a culture of interacting with kids, showing them things telling them how you feel. Asking them questions, etc. a lot of grown ups don’t know how to do that and need coaching.~~
10. Children are treated as a labor sink because they are. Consider envisioning a commune world where children who grew up in a commune continue living in one, and therefore investment in children has a huge return. How would we create that world?~~

## Potentially useful resources

The "Families" section of the FEC's resource library

The "Demographics Policies" section of the FEC's resource library

The "Families" tag of the FEC's resource library

The "Gender and Sexuality" tag of the FEC's resource library

The "Pregnancy" tag of the FEC's resource library

The "Health" tag of the FEC's resource library

The "Guests" tag of the FEC's resource library

The "Pets" tag of the FEC's resource library

## Children

The "Children" tag of the FEC's resource library

"Growing Family in Community" from Communities Magazine

"An Abundance of Dads" from Communities Magazine

"Second Family" from Communities Magazine

"Exploring Family" from Communities Magazine

"Parenting In Community" from Communities Magazine

"Rasing Superheros" from Communities Magazine

"Esther and the Princess of the Faries" from Communities Magazine

"Community, Public School and Culture Clash" from Communities Magazine