Caitred Alabaster

Caitlin Lambert was the guitarist and vocalist of Deathsex Bloodbath, where she performed under the name **Caitred Alabaster**.

## Early life

Caitlin was born in Illinois. After leaving school, she joined a musical theatre troup as a guitarist, and played for a number of touring theatrical performances. In 1998, she moved to Birmingham, UK to play guitar in a UK tour of a successful Broadway show based on Meat Loaf's life, and was accommodated in a hotel on the A45 between Coventry and Birmingham. After the first show in Birmingham, she went to the Colosseum at Coventry and, by chance, met the future Sadogasm and Masokiss.

## Deathsex Bloodbath

Cait remained in the UK after the Meat Loaf tour and joined Deathsex Bloodbath as lead guitarist at the invitation of Sadogasm and Masokiss. Initially, she divided her time between teaching guitar and playing in the band. Originally she was named 'Caitred Lambaster', but repeatedly pronounced the name 'Caitred Alabaster', which became her permanent pseudonym. Although she appeared on 'The Inevitable Penis', visa complications prevented her from being credited and she was forced to return to America briefly. She returned to the UK on a more permanent basis in time to tour the album and is considered a founding member of the band.

As a performer, she contributed guitar and vocals to all of the band's first three albums.

Although Caitred was a veteran member of orchestras and bands, Deathsex was the first time she felt that the spotlight was on her. In her autobiography (see below), she admits that she got through the fear with drink and drugs, and that her hostile onstage personality was a reflection of that. By mid-2003, Caitred's alcohol problems were noticeable to even casual fans: during an appearance on 'CD:UK', she spent most of the performance asleep in front of the bass drum. At Big Day Out, she encouraged the audience to "download that fucking shit new Metallica album [*St Anger*]", much to the displeasure of the headliners, Metallica. Sadogasm and Masokiss appeased them, but felt compelled to defend Caitred to interviewers, which caused further friction between the two camps. When the band raised this with Caitred the next day, she suggested a good way to resolve the issue would be "if you all went and fucked yourselves", punctuating the point by
throwing a whisky bottle at them. Intervention from the band's tour manager and record label failed to resolve the conflict and after some mediation it was agreed that Caitred should attend rehab and spend some time away from the band.

## Post-Deathsex Bloodbath

Caitred met Sororicide in rehab and encouraged her to learn how to play drums. She formed a band with her, Lehevhev, but no known recordings of the band exist.

On leaving rehab, instead of returning to DSB, Caitred formed a new band, Alabastard, initially with Paz Lenchantin on bass. Deathsex hastily released 'Touring Spree', featuring one new track, which satisfied Caitred's contractual obligations with Mega Records. Much to Caitred's dismay, the new track was one of her compositions. Assuming a deliberate attempt to sabotage Alabastard, Caitred severed contact with the band.

Caitred was the singer and lead guitarist of Alabastard, who released four albums. Alabastard initially did well, but interest tailed off quickly.

Seeking attention, Alabaster wrote ‘String Theory’, a notoriously unlikely autobiography claiming (amongst other unverifiable claims and outright lies) that Sadogasm had spent some of the band’s money on Anne Frank’s organs while not paying her money owed; that the band had spent £500 on funding a prostitution racket (in fact it was a *tennis* racket); that Sadogasm and Masokiss were secretly in love.

## Rejoining Deathsex Bloodbath

Having somehow made amends with Sadogasm, Caitred rejoined Deathsex Bloodbath in 2010, again on guitar.

## Leaving Deathsex Bloodbath again

Bored with being back on guitar after her time as frontwoman of Alabastard, Caitred left the band in 2013.

## Rejoining Deathsex Bloodbath again

Caitred's departure from the band was brief; she was persuaded to rejoin the band as a vocalist instead of a guitarist (although she is credited with both vocals and guitar on 'Golden Showers'). Initially, Sadogasm played all the guitar live instead, but when it was agreed that this arrangement was "a dumpster fire", Justin Appropriate was recruited.

She contributed vocals to both DSB recordings in 2014, 'Golden Showers' and 'One Christmas Night'.

Caitred co-wrote 'Asphyxiwank' and 'Sellout' and contributed lyrics to 'Dreams I Have Had (About People in this Room)'.

## Leaving Deathsex Bloodbath again

Caitred left the band again in late 2014, at which point she dropped off the radar and her exact location was not confirmed by anyone. Claimed sightings of Alabaster in the time contained mysterious references to Hong Kong cinema, stripey socks and a "tin bar".

## 2019: Whereabouts revealed

The mystery of Alabaster's whereabouts was finally solved in 2019 when the Antiworld Deathsex invaded one of the band's gigs at the Tin; it was revealed that Caitred Alabaster had replaced Switchblade in the Antiworld Deathsex, much as Switchblade had replaced Caitred in this dimension. Together with the rest of the Antiworld, Caitred joined DSB onstage for a final time for a version of 'Asphyxiwank', before departing for Dimension 69 to overthrow Chad Kroeger's tyrannical regime and party like mad.