Lost THX "Tex" Trailer: A KQED Kids DVD Boxset

Great, just great. First I encountered a lost THX Tex trailer with Vortexx CW, and now, I encounter another one of my childhood networks.

Oh boy, how worse can my childhood get?

So, what is this childhood network I'm talking about?

Well, I'll give you some details. The channel would be called KQED Kids.

Now for those unaware, KQED Kids is a PBS Kids like channel that mostly goes throughout the day and night.

I watched a lot of that channel throughout my elementary school days.

Some shows I would watch on that channel are Arthur, Anne of Green Gables: The Animated Series, Clifford The Big Red Dog, Martha Speaks, Wild Kratts and Fetch with Ruff Ruffman.

But as of today, some of the shows like Anne of Green Gables and Fetch with Ruff Ruffman are not shown on the network anymore and I've moved on with my life.

However, I came across something very haunting with this.

Screw it, you already know what I'm going to say, but I'm going to talk about it anyway.

It started out on a cloudy afternoon.

I was in the Westfield mall of Tukwila, Washington doing some Christmas shopping for my family since Christmas was in 3 weeks so I knew that my family would appreciate a gift.

While I was in a media store, I spotted something that blew my mind.

On the counter of the store was what appeared to be a DVD box set.

The box set consisted of many characters from the shows I used to watch on KQED Kids.

If you've read the first part of this story, then you already know who I'm talking about.

The DVD boxset was entitled "KQED Kids: The Ultimate THX Collection."

Anyways, I told the store clerk that I wanted to buy this and she said it only costs a dollar and 50 cents.

I paid for it and got the rest of my family some gifts for christmas, and then I went straight home.

When I got home, I first saw a note from my parents saying that they are going out for the rest of the evening and won't be back till I go to bed.

So right there, it would've given me the perfect opportunity to watch the DVD while they were out.

I feel like a lot of people say that from my point of view.

I took out the DVDs that were in it. Most of them were DVDs of all the other characters on the box cover. There was also a DVD that was labeled as "The Rare THX Trailer Made By KQED."

I just know where all of this is going since my last THX experience.

I inserted the DVD and prepared myself for the next worst time of my life.

It began with a little PBS Kids logo and then it took me to a menu which asked what language I’d like to view it in.

The languages included, English, Spanish, Japanese, Russian, Italian, Arabic, Portuguese, Japanese, Korean, Ukrainian, Polish, Thai and Chinese.

However, there was a little error. The E in Portuguese was misplaced.

As you know, I prefer to watch stuff in English.

It then went to the main menu which showed all the characters on the cover including Tex in different colored boxes.

Like the last DVD, it showed 4 menu options including Play, Scene Selection, Set Up and Bonus Features.

I selected play and it began with a warning that said:

“This lost THX trailer was made for the theatrical release of “Evil Dead (2013)” despite not being THX certified and must not be viewed by children. Watch at your own risk!”

“This is gonna be so goddamn bad!” I muttered.

The trailer began in Avonlea.

Anne Shirley was out for a walk while singing Elmer Fudd’s version of Oh Susanna as the instrumental version played along.

She kept walking until she saw Gilbert Blythe.

He was holding a poster of what appeared to be a drawing of Tex. Gilbert told Anne to not encounter Tex or she would die.

Anne told Gilbert, “Like that’s some gibberish.”

Gilbert replied, “This isn’t fake, there have been reports of this guy killing people, so you might want to get home.”

Anne then managed to believe his story and continued walking.

But as she kept walking, Tex flew down and Anne gasped in fear.

Tex said, “Hey hey hey Anne Shirley, why did your show get cancelled?”

Anne replied with, “I’ll give you a quick answer, because what else would the author of the novel add to the story?”

Tex then asked, “Would you like to see a magic trick?”

Anne said yes, and Tex took out what appeared to be a carbon knife as Anne screamed while running away.

While Anne tried to run back to her house, she said, “Gilbert wasn’t bluffing! I have got to warn Diana!”

We then see Diana who was using the same tub that Anne used in the episode “Carrots.”

Anne yelled out Diana’s name very loud. Diana soon noticed this and asked, “What’s the matter Anne?”

Anne replied saying, “There’s a crazy robot coming after me, you gotta quickly get dressed and get out of here.”

As Anne ran away, Diana was confused and she said, “What is Anne mentioning?”

Just then Tex dropped down while evilly laughing with the carbon knife in his hand.

Diana screamed as soon as she saw him. Tex then began to brutally stab Diana till she was dead.

Anne finally managed to get inside the house while I could see that there were tears in her eyes.

Marilla Cuthbert came in asking, “Anne, what’s wrong? You look very scared and sad!”

Anne said, “There’s a crazy robot after me, and it’s going to kill me!”

Marilla then said, “It must be one of your imaginations, there’s no robot coming after you.”

She then went over to the window and kept telling Anne all about it.

“See, there’s no such thing as a killer ro-”

Before Marilla finished her sentence, Tex broke the window behind her and grabbed Marilla by the mouth.

Anne was screaming like crazy, but it didn’t sound like cartoon screaming, it sounded like her actor, Bryn McAuley was actually screaming at something very horrifying.

This scene kind of reminded me of that one scene from "Halloween Kills" where Michael Myers killed Phil and Sondra.

Tex began to put a knife through Marilla’s head like in that 1981 movie “The Prowler.”

Tex had officially killed Marilla. He then went on to kill Matthew Cuthbert in which he impaled him with a spear.

Then he finally went on to kill Anne. Anne was hiding under the bed trying to be as quiet as she could.

Tex said, “Come out, come out wherever you are.”

Suddenly, Anne was on the urge of sneezing, she tried to hold in her sneeze but immediately triggered Tex.

Tex lifted up the bed with all his strength and said, “Found you, carrots!”

Anne said, “Please Tex, please don’t hurt me. I’m just a 10 year old girl. I’ll give you anything!”

Tex then said, “I don’t need anything, all I need is someone to kill, and that’s you!”

Tex took a butcher knife from the other lost trailer I watched a long time ago, but instead of cutting to black like in the Vortexx CW trailer, I could see Anne’s head being sliced off.

Anne and her family were dead.

But like those other trailers, it wasn’t over yet.

We then go into Lakewood Elementary from Arthur.

Mr Ratburn started the class by saying, “Ok class, today we are going to be talking about the history of cinema.”

But before the lesson could actually begin, the speaker went off and Francis Haney said:

“Attention staff and students, please excuse the interruption. I was just informed by the Elwood City police department that we are probably going on lockdown. According to police, the suspect is known as a robot named Tex. I am encouraging everyone to participate and try to keep quiet when Tex arrives. Starting now.”

Mr Ratburn began asking his students to go near the safest place to be in the classroom as he began locking doors and putting curtains on windows.

As the students hid behind shelves and some hid under desks, Arthur was in tears thinking about how he was going to die for good.

Mr Ratburn went over to him to try and calm him down.

He said, “Hey Arthur, it’s ok. You know, I was scared on my first lock down.”

Arthur replied with, “Is it, is it ok? I know about this robot, He murdered a lot of characters from Pixar and Dreamworks!”

Mr Ratburn tried to calm down Arthur by giving him a head scratch and made a promise to keep him safe.

We then see Tex who was roaming around the halls seeing which classrooms were completely empty.

Apparently, he was carrying a stockless PP-19 Vityaz in his hand.

Tex said, “Well, it’s quiet. Too quiet. Looks like all of the classrooms are empty.”

Back at Mr Ratburn’s class, one of the student's cell phones went off playing the Crazy Bus song and Tex, who was outside the hall said, “Except this one of course!”

He then burst into the room and began shooting everyone in sight before running out of ammo.

Before Arthur and his friends were shot, Arthur said, “It was nice knowing you guys, see you in heaven.”

Francine replied, “You too Arthur.”

They both held hands together as I saw them getting shot.

Tex then went throughout the entire school shooting everyone that ever went to Lakewood Elementary School while at times reloading his gun.

After Tex left the school, we see every single person in the school dead, even Francis Haney.

Tex then came back and said, “My work here is almost done.”

And that meant it was still not over.

It then showed the Lorraine house from Martha Speaks where the Lorraine family were having dinner.

Helen was having a discussion with her family about a vacation they were going on in the next coming of weeks.

Meanwhile, the 2nd dog in the family named Skits was randomly barking.

“Skits seems to be in trouble, I’ll continue this later.” Helen told her parents.

Martha came in and said, “Don’t worry yourself Helen, I’ll handle this.”

“Thanks Martha!” Helen said.

Martha then went outside and asked Skits, “What’s wrong Skits?”

Skits pointed out something near the fence.

And to my conclusion, it was Tex.

Martha and Skits began to growl and bark as Tex said, “Hello doggies, would you like to die?”

Helen was somehow able to hear this and opened the back door.

She gasped and said, “It’s the robot! Stay away from my dogs, you monster!”

Tex said, ”What makes you think I can stay away from your dogs, little girl?”

Tex then took a chainsaw making Helen, Martha and Skits scream to the point they ran away from the house.

This was reminding me of something.

Aha! It was almost similar to the Shrek scene in that THX Dreamworks trailer.

Since why were they trying to copy it?

They kept running as Tex kept chasing them to the point that Tex managed to open a portal to hell.

Helen screamed as she fell down the portal, while Martha and Skits on the other hand can be heard yelping loudly.

The parents would soon notice Tex and the father yelled, “You killed our 10 year old daughter and our 2 dogs, I’m calling the police and I’m reporting to the animal control rights!”

Tex then said, "That's enough police talk for you all! Time to die!" He then took out a fire axe and sliced the rest of the family including Baby Jake.

Everybody was dead.

It then went to the inside of the Tortuga from Wild Kratts.

Martin and Chris Kratt were on what appeared to be night duty.

Chris said, “Isn’t this great Martin? We’re gonna be on night duty in case any dangerous animal appears!”

Martin shushed Chris telling him that he didn’t want to wake up the others.

All of a sudden, Aviva came out and told Chris and Martin, “I’m not upset or anything, but you might want to lock all the doors to the ship very soon. I'm hearing some rumors about a crazy red robot killing people. So uh, good night.”

Chris asked, “What was she talking about?”

Just then, they heard some evil laughter. Martin nervously said, “Oh no! Is that Zach Varmitech?”

All of a sudden, a piece of the ship came apart and out came Tex.

Chris and Martin were nervous as they saw him enter.

Tex said, “Hello there Kratt brothers, why is it that you’re still up past your bedtime?”

Martin replied, “Well, we’re on night duty and we are clearly adults, and we’re not kids.”

Tex then said, “How would you like to learn about one of the most venomous snakes?”

Chris asked Martin, “Have we learned about the most venomous snakes before?”

Martin said, “I don't know!”

They then said yes to Tex and then something very disturbing happened.

Tex took out what looked like a saw-scaled viper as Aviva came out and asked, “What’s going on? Who are you talking to boys?”

Tex then made the viper charge at Aviva by biting her nose.

Aviva’s screaming didn’t sound like her actor Athena Karkanis was in pain like on all those other THX Tex trailers, instead it sounded like she did her cartoon screaming.

She screamed, “It bit my nose! Get it off, get it off!”

Koki and Jimmy Z would soon wake up and hear this.

Koki angrily asked, “What in the world is going on here?”

Aviva said, “A crazy robot made this viper bite my nose.”

Just then, Koki picked up the viper and then it bit her right in the eye.

For once, instead of the actor being in pain, Koki did her cartoon screaming like Aviva did.

Tex then said, “Looks like a snake playdate to me if you know what I mean!”

Chris shouted, “Let’s get out of here Martin!”

Tex yelled, “Oh no you don’t!”

He then used a pitchfork and he rammed it up their chests until they were completely dead.

The way Jimmy Z killed himself was by taking a wooden stake onto his chest.

I was quite scared looking at the dead bodies of all the characters featured.

Then it faded to black, but again, it was not over.

We then head into Studio G from Fetch With Ruff Ruffman.

Ruff Ruffman was showing his contestants from the 3rd season of the show their next challenge.

The challenge was about learning how to guard a place at night.

Oh boy, more people on night duty like the last scene.

One of the instructions given was to be weaponized in case of emergency.

As Ruff was giving instructions, all the contestants including Ruff heard evil laughter.

Ruff Ruffman asked, “Uh, is there a vampire in the doghouse or am I going crazy?”

Just then, Tex popped in and told Ruff, “Time to die orange canine!”

As Ruff was screaming, Tex charged at him as the TV screen in the show cut to static.

The children contestants looked at the static wondering what on earth just happened.

All of a sudden, Tex crawled out of the TV like in that 2002 horror film “The Ring'' and said, “Hello amigos, today we’re going to learn about a human’s body as part of Fetch! With Sexy Texy.”

He then began the session by asking, “Who would like to go first?”

Noel nervously raised her hand and Tex selected her.

Tex then said, “Now kids, watch closely cause this will be on a quiz I’ll give you in the future.”

Tex began to remove Noel’s shirt.

The screen was then focused on Jay’s face as he gave out a disgusted look and said, “Ugh! What is your problem, you stupid robot?”

DJ then asked “What is that robot doing?”

Jay then said, “It looks like he’s about to take a saw blade and kill Noel.”

As Tex started the saw blade, he put it on Noel’s back and Noel screamed like crazy.

Then both the children excluding Noel yelled, “We’re getting out of here!”

As soon as Tex finished taking Noel’s heart out, he then headed for the other contestants who tried to escape by attacking them on the head with a crowbar which made their head hurt like hell.

He then began to brutally stomp on their heads one by one.

I got rather disgusted just looking at their squished heads.

I paused the DVD and ran to the bathroom to vomit in the toilet.

When I got back, I unpaused the trailer.

The last cartoon featured was Clifford The Big Red Dog.

Clifford was walking down one of the streets in his neighborhood with his friends T-Bone and Cleo while having a conversation.

Cleo asked, “Hey Clifford, did you ever hear about a red robot killing animated characters?”

Clifford then replied “No, I haven’t. What about him?”

T-Bone then said, “Oh, he’s horrifying as he is. He murdered various characters somewhere far from where we live.”

Cleo then said, "Do you know who he killed?"

T-Bone finished the talk with, "That's kind of tough. But we should all try and keep calm."

Clifford began to get nervous hearing about all of it.

Just then, they heard Tex’s evil laughter.

T-Bone nervously said, “Oh no, I shouldn’t have talked about him.”

All of a sudden, Tex dropped down and said, “Hi there. Oh, it’s another set of dogs. Well then, how would you like to play a game of Hide & Seek with Texy?”

Clifford then said, “Uh, we heard a lot of things about you. Please don’t hurt us.”

Tex said, “Don’t worry, I’m only going to kill you if you break the rules. You’ve got 15 seconds to hide. I hope you’re ready!”

Tex then began to count to 15 as the dogs began to hide.

Tex said, “Ready or not, cause here comes Sexy Texy!”

He then began to search for T-Bone.

Once he found him behind a bush, he said, “Just kidding, anyone who gets found by me will die!”

T-Bone began screaming as he tried to run away from him.

All of a sudden, Tex grabbed him by the leg and said, “Adios yellow pup!”

He took out a knife and slashed T-Bone’s head.

Clifford and Cleo began to hear this and Clifford said, “He told a lie! Let’s get out of here!”

As Cleo ran, she heard a car horn and behind her and surprisingly, Tex was the one driving.

He began to run Cleo over like in that episode of Family Guy where Brian dies as Cleo screamed in pain.

Tex then went over to Clifford with a flamethrower in his hand.

Clifford nervously asked, “Why are you doing this to everyone? We didn’t do anything wrong!”

Tex then replied, “Cause it’s my job. Goodbye Clifford!”

As Tex started the flamethrower, it didn't show the screen cutting to black, as I could see Clifford being burnt as he screamed, but it sounded like his voice actor John Ritter was in agony as Tex flew off.

The screen did eventually cut to black.

It stayed like this for 5 seconds until it cut to a wide shot of the THX logo in a dark background.

Diana Barry from the animated Anne of Green Gables series can be seen dead on the ground along with the PBS logo, also known as the "P-Head" with the head part having multiple cuts and bruises and the split being broken in half.

And then the screaming deep note began to play like in those other trailers.

This time, the screams belonged to many characters like Anne Shirley, Arthur, Helen, The Kratt Brothers, Ruff Ruffman, T-Bone and Clifford.

Then as usual, Tex dropped down like he did in the Moo Can trailer. Tex then said,

“Hello PBS fans, I’m back at it again by murdering your favorite characters from a channel you may not have heard of called KQED Kids. Now why did I murder your favorite characters again? Well, they mean nothing to me, and this is a punishment for people who were scared of me, by making them watch their favorite characters die. If you are scared of me, I’m gonna come after you one day in the future. So long amigo!”

As he flew away evilly laughing, the slogan dropped down saying “The Audience Is Listening.”

However, the corners of the screen were blood stained.

After that, it faded to black for 10 seconds.

For a moment, I thought that it was finally over.

But after 10 seconds, a demented picture of Anne Shirley came in.

It was the scene from the Anne of Green Gables episode “Carrots” where Anne has a bath while dying her hair which mistakenly turns green and she gets shocked when she sees it.

However, her eyes were black with large red dots and her sockets were dripping blood.

It was accompanied by what appeared to be a rather slow, loud, distorted and high pitched version of Shrek’s roar.

The scream was so loud that it made my ears bleed in the process.

And then it took me back to the menu.

I was quite upset on how they used Shrek's roar for Anne's jumpscare even though Shrek was never owned by PBS in the first place.

Before taking the DVD out, I looked at the bonus features.

They were the first 3 Tex trailers, promos for most of the shows featured and a link to KQED's website.

After that, I took out the DVD and put it in a place where I can show the DVD to my parents later on. The next day, I showed the DVD to them and they were terrified.

Later that afternoon, I took the rare THX trailer DVD and smashed it. I then threw it in the trash later on.

That evening, I emailed PBS about the trailer and they told me that someone had very strange plans to remove one of the shows from KQED Kids back in 2013.

They said that the DVD should not be revealed to the public but for some reason, I was the one to find it.

Whatever you do, don’t come across THX boxsets.

The End.