F-ZERO RISING: REVENGX Part 2/Original Story

"There's not much to say about me in particular. I've been through a lot of things, true. But at the end of the day, I'm just a regular cyborg who has a tendency to get involved with some... wacky stuff sometimes.
"I'd really like to make the world a better place for my family. Whether that's something that can be accomplished realistically... well, I don't exactly fret the details. These days I just follow what I believe in, and wherever I end up as the result of that is fine by me.
"I'm no stranger to mercenary work, either. I've been used to pairing up with all sorts of people and organizations when it comes to the bigger picture stuff. So when I was contacted by the US-MKJIO, I listened to what they had to say to me.
"Uncle Tito appears to be a simple man, but there's always so much more going on under the surface that only he's aware of. He's the type to always plan ten steps ahead, and he's never at a disadvantage when it comes to military intelligence and tactical finesse. So to admit that something was too big for even him to handle with all of his resources was pretty shocking.
"Don Genie was a real character, even compared to some of the freaks I've met in my time. And Tito had been keeping tabs. He knew about about the smuggling, the drugs, the murders... the JIO had more than enough dirt on this guy to put him behind bars for a long, long time. The only problem was, it's nearly impossible to track down a single person who has the means and resources to hide himself on any planet across the galaxy. Finding a needle in a haystack would be child's play in comparison.
"The coincidental revival of some sort of futurist race sport called F-ZERO presented the perfect opportunity to find Genie out in the open. But that opportunity wouldn't make itself easy to take advantage of: there are dozens of complex rivalries and relationships between racers that make an F-ZERO tracks look like war zones. But still, Tito would not waste this opportunity. He pulled in all sorts of potential assets to get as many capable hands as he could, and that's where I came in.
"The point man of this operation was a racer named Captain Falcon. Having the the best fighter available back up the best pilot would be a game winning combination, so my job was to back up the Captain and give him the opportunity he would need to catch Genie once and for all.
"Before I left for the race, Tito gave me a warning. He said to be prepared for anything, because not even he was fully aware of what could happen out there on the F-ZERO circuit."

We now return you to just a few moments before the countdown...

"Alright, everyone!" Mr. Zero announced, captivating millions with his charismatic charm, "With just five short minutes until the start, it's time for the galactic anthem!"
All of the racers stood outside of their cars, and everyone present in the stadium rose from their seats.

\*\*\*Galactic Anthem\*\*\*

Everyone sang along to the music, while doing the galactic two-finger salute. As the song ended everyone, in a grand unison, extended their saluting arm to the side with a flick, while chanting, "Show me ya' moves!"
As everyone shuffled to get back to their seats, Mr. Zero once again captured attention. "Now, the moment you've all been waiting for, F-ZERO fans!" Mr. Zero dramatically shouted. "The countdown to the start of the race is about to begin!"
The audience actually started to quiet down, surprisingly. The legendary start was anticipated with bated breath, and the tension kept everyone's mouths closed for the time being.
"Do you two have any final comments to make in this historic moment, before the race begins?" Mr. Zero probed the co-hosts of his panel.
"I, for one, have been waiting for this day for a very long time," Shy Guy began, "I've been a passionate fan of F-ZERO since I was a kid, when Papa Guy and Mama Guy introduced me to it. I couldn't be more thrilled to see the Grand Prix return!"
"An excellent take! I can feel your passion though your aura!" Mr. Zero brightly smiled, "And how about you, Bill?"
"I'm right there with the two of you," Bill spoke, leading one to believe he would be smiling if he had a mouth, "I couldn't agree more with my co-host's excitement. He and I are always on the same page, we agree on everything."
Shy Guy just nodded slowly without saying anything.
"Ok, let's quiet down for a moment. The countdown is about to start..." Mr. Zero spoke ominously.
In front of each F-ZERO, three floating TV monitors dropped down from the sky. These screens would visualize the count down to the monumental instant this historic race would begin. Time slowed to a crawl from the point of view of the racers, who were surely on the edges of their seats. The screens turned on, and on their blue screens they displayed the first number. A large number on the screen began the countdown...
"3..."
Each racer felt immense pressure.

---Music: For The Glory---

"2..."
It would all come down to this.
"1..."
It was time to do or die.
"GO!"
Engines roared and thrusters erupted as the F-ZERO machines were all sent flying. The force of their movement sent out shockwaves of wind which shook the entire seating on their way out of the stadium. "WOW!!! We're off to a TREMENDOUS start, folks!!!" Mr. Zero cheered as if he were a powder keg that had just blown up, "It's impossible to tell who is coming out on top from this initial burst!"
Even from its place at the the very tail end of the starting spots, the Neo Blue Falcon still rocketed past quite a few other machines, leaving them in the dust. The turbulent beginnings of an F-ZERO race were as vicious as they were exciting.
Bullet Bill took initiative to kick off the narration. "The first segment of this race will take our pilots through a place we all know and love: the cyber metropolis with a slightly purple tint, Mute City! This location has been a longstanding favorite location for F-ZERO courses, so it's the perfect starting place for the grand revival of the Grand Prix!"
Captain Falcon turned to see Raiden in a full sprint, each step sending out electricity. "I'm impressed, Raiden," Falcon complimented over the radio channel he shared with his partner, "I thought you were joking about running this on foot."
"You haven't seen anything yet," the cyborg boasted with a cocky grin. He was not only keeping pace with the Neo Blue Falcon, but actually out-speeding it a tad. "I'm going to scout ahead a bit to get an idea of Genie's whereabouts--" Raiden spoke, but his eyes bulged in surprise as he saw an F-ZERO flying right towards him, spinning like a top.

---Music: Theme of Billy---

Raiden was just barely able to react in time, merely a few moments fast enough to dodge with a sidestep. "What in the hell?! F-ZEROs can spin?!"
The car which had attacked him was the banana-shaped Mad Wolf, a machine piloted by the primate racer, Billy. However, Billy didn't seem to be the one behind the wheel, this time, as he was instead standing on top of the machine playing an electric guitar angrily. Piloting the Mad Wolf was none other than Adam Lyon, the main character of My Gym Partner is a Monkey. Their appearance was brief, however, as the spinning had left the school kid dizzy and dazed. What started off as uneasy wobbles from side to side quickly became the total loss of control over the F-ZERO, and it skidded off to the side of the track, crashing into the guard railing and bursting into flames. "I knew I should have stayed home today..." Adam grumbled.

---Music: For The Glory (Final Lap)---

"You've gotta stay on your toes, Raiden," Captain Falcon cautioned, "You never know what can happen next out here on the circuit."
The initial placements were shuffled as the positions naturally sorted themselves out, with the high acceleration machines taking an early lead while the slower-start-up machines kept to the back, slowly building up towards their terrifying maximum speeds. Shy Guy adjusted his microphone before commenting. "If you look closely, you can see a few of the machines are staking their claim for the leading positions. Inching their way to the front of the pack, it looks like... Silver Neelsen is taking an early lead in his trusty 'Night Thunder!'"
Lakitu made sure to catch phenomenal footage of the dark blue car with lightning stripes move it's way past all of the competitors, and fans surely knew the face of the crotchety old man behind the wheel. Silver was a well known veteran, and some of the audience members even wore fake white beards in his likeness as a show of support.
Bullet Bill added some commentary of his own. "Silver Neelsen is the only pilot to have entered every official F-ZERO race to date! Still, he has yet to take home the trophy for a single Grand Prix... Silver Neelsen is a fan favorite, and we're all waiting with eager anticipation for the day he'll finally take home the victory!"
"However," Mr. Zero interjected, "This is the longest F-ZERO course in history, so this is barely the tip of the iceberg of what this race could become, and there is no telling who will come out on top! Though, it's looking like we may be able to count out a few unfortunate participants right from the start..."

---Music: Continue (Sonic 3D Blast)---

Lakitu's camera shuffled from place to place, focusing on each point of interest as Mr. Zero introduced them one at a time. "It has been quite a brutal beginning, folks. We already have quite a few disqualifications. First off, it seems like some Pokemon trainer was intending to stand atop an Electrode and roll it around as his vehicle, but the Pokemon predictably exploded."
"Oof. He didn't think that one through, huh," Shy Guy winced.
"Next," Mr. Zero continued on, "It seems one participant attempted to throw a banana peel, drove forward for about ten feet, hit their own banana peel, immediately slid out of control into a land mine, and left nothing but burning wreckage on the track."
"Always practice weapon safety, kids," Bullet Bill advised.
"From what I can make of it, Billy and Adam are among the list of those who won't be making it to the next stage," Mr. Zero noticed, "I can tell the two of them got into an early scuffle with another pilot, and it didn't end well."
"I was looking forward to their performance, too..." Shy Guy spoke, sullen.

---(Music End)---

"Lastly, one pair of pilots have been completely left behind," Mr. Zero spoke with genuine concern, "As you can see, Fox and Falco in the Landmaster have barely left the starting line! Is there something the matter with their machine?"
"You see, Mr. Zero," Bullet Bill began to answer, "The max speed of a Landmaster is only 207 space kilometers per hour.

---Music: Game Over (Sonic 1)---

"The Landmaster is, unfortunately, hopelessly outclassed in a race where pilots push speeds of over 2000 kilometers per hour," Bill summarized.
Falco and Fox stuck their heads out from their tank and looked incredibly frustrated. Neither of them said anything for a moment, until Falco opened his mouth. "Personally, I prefer-" he was able to speak before Fox silently put his hand to his friends' mouth.
"Though it's unfortunate for those who can't keep up, it's exactly what we've all been waiting for!" Mr. Zero jumped back enthusiastically,  "We haven't seen speeds like this in over a decade!"

---Music: Selector---

"Speaking of," Shy Guy segwayed, "Why don't you tell us a bit about the abnormally long hiatus the race has been on for all of these years, Bill?"
"My pleasure," his co-host accepted. "F-ZERO hadn't been funded for quite a while, presumably because Nintendo stopped caring. This race was only able to be organized and funded due to the diligent contributions of fans! And speaking of our fans, why don't we try and test their knowledge with some trivia?" Bill proposed, "Many believe it has been sixteen years since the last Grand Prix, but it has *actually* only been fifteen. Would you happen to know why?"
"That's an interesting bit of history you brought up, there, and I can definitely give you an answer," Shy Guy nodded, "While F-ZERO GP Legend on the GBA was the last game in the series released to western audiences in 2003, there was in fact a Japanese exclusive sequel on the same handheld called F-ZERO Climax, which came out a year later, in 2004. That obscure little 32-bit romp into mode seven was technically the last Grand Prix, before today."
Mr. Zero sported a huge, excited smile. "It's an honor to have such passionate and knowledgeable fans of the sport sitting right here with us, folks! Let's keep the momentum going as we progress to the next phase!"

Within the Fat Shark, Don Genie and Wariod seemed to focus on their own thoughts without any real conversation. Genie kept his attention to the road, but as the action had died down as the Grand Prix transitioned from sector one to sector two, he found the silence increasingly awkward. He turned to see Wariod who was resting his chin against his fist and staring out of the window. Despite his constant smile, he looked to be almost sad.

    "So. I don't suppose we've really done much discussion outside of me hiring you for your services," he spoke, as if awkwardly trying to open the floor to communication.
    "What's there to talk about?" Wariod replied without a lot of emotion in his words.
    "Well. Call me old fashioned, but I like to at least know a bit about those working for me. What exactly is your story, anyway?"

    ---Music: Sad Sun---

    Wariod's two halfs, Toad and Wario, shared both of their thoughts within this form, which only amplified their negative emotions as each half mutually understood and empathized with the others' frustrations. Toad wanted to just live a normal life, but no matter how hard he tried, the hardships of reality as well as the absurdities of his circumstances had constantly pushed him to the edge of his sanity, taken away from him the people he loved, and left him with nothing but his own thoughts and regrets as his life spiraled further out of control.
    Wario simply wanted to be understood and, if possible, accepted for who he was. Everyone has problems, he thought, so he didn't understand why his personal issues with greed were always such a divisive factor in pushing those he cared about away from him.
    The two of them had so many mutual overlap of people they knew that it was easy for the simmering disappointment to be mutually understandable. No matter how much friends like Waluigi, Tito, and others tried to continually support them and have their best interests at heart, they couldn't help but feel lonely. The mixture of their ideologies left Wariod feeling like the only way to fill the emptiness would be, in fact, money.
    "There's nothing the two of us need to concern ourselves with other than just winning the grand prize," Wariod finally spoke.
    Don Genie raised an eyebrow. "Hrmph. Suit yourself," he grumbled. He had much bigger plans in store, and wasn't at all concerned with whatever emotional baggage Wariod brought to the partnership. It would only be a temporary alliance, after all, which is something Genie would make sure of.

---Music: Osc-Sync Carnival---

As Captain Falcon and Raiden progressed down the track, the skies slowly began to darken, and the paths and surroundings began to look more industrial. The muffled booms of thunder could be heard, and in the distance one could see flashes of lightning stifled behind extremely thick, black clouds.
"Yeah!" Mr. Zero cheered, "Our racers are moving right along into the second course of the race, taking place in none other than one of the factories in the famous Lightning area!"
"For those unfamiliar with the location," Shy Guy explained, "Lightning is a massive area where storms constantly ravage the landscape. What causes the storms? Lightning is air pollution gone out of control. It makes sense that Lightning is just out of reach of Mute City, where all of the pollution came from. It isn't an entirely different planet, contrary to its portrayal in GP Legend."
"Spoken like a true aficionado of the sport," Bill complimented with pride, patting Shy Guy on the shoulder.
"These two are totally on the same wavelength!" Mr. Zero commented with excitement, "They're so agreeable!"
Underneath his mask, Shy Guy probably smiled a little bit. This was nice. He could get used to this. He wasn't going to jinx this.
Raiden raised his arm to point forward. "Looks like the paths split up ahead. Are we going left, or right?"
Before Captain Falcon could even answer, a bolt of lightning struck the track in front of them, disorienting them. Captain Falcon's car swerved in response while Raiden's instinctual reaction had him jump to the opposite side. With that, the Neo Blue Falcon and Raiden were separated onto two different roads.
"I guess that answers your question," Captain Falcon sighed with a face palm, "We'll have to meet back up when the paths cross again."
"Keep your eyes open, Captain," Raiden spoke forebodingly, "I see a few vehicles on my radar that are gaining on you fast."

---Music: Theme of Blood Falcon---

He looked through his rear view mirror, and sure enough, two unmistakable cars were right on his tail. The first to approach him on his right was the sleek F-ZERO, the Blood Hawk, shaped similarly to the sports cars of antiquity. It's red and yellow design inspired fear and anxiety in all who witnessed it. As the Blood Hawk pulled up alongside the Neo Blue Falcon, its cockpit window opened up, and the evil clone Blood Falcon addressed the man he was cloned from. "So, I heard you talkin' shit, bruh. You out there givin' my nephew Lil' Swaggy a bad name, is that it!?"
"Wait, shit, there actually is a Swag Falcon?" Captain Falcon questioned.
"Well maybe you'd have known that if you had actually shown up to any of my birthday parties!!! Jerk!!!" Blood Falcon snarled back, sounding emotionally wounded.
Captain Falcon shook his head in disapproval of his clone. "Your last birthday party ended with everyone who showed up getting piss-drunk and arrested for kidnapping animals from the zoo to try and re-enact the movie Madagascar! I saw it all on TV the day after! I can't condone that sort of behavior!"
"Excuse me for knowing how to have FUN," Blood Falcon scoffed back defensively.

---Music: Theme of Black Shadow---

The second of the two cars had at that point built up enough speed to reach the Neo Blue Falcon as well, approaching on its left. This car was the Black Bull, an intimidating, jet-black, heavy-weight vehicle with aggressive horns--just like its driver, the evil overlord Black Shadow, a man with a voice as deep and treacherous as the Marianna trench. As he spoke, he sounded almost like the growl of a lion. "It's been a while, Captain... muwhahaha..." Black Shadow cackled with sinister intent. The Black Bull and Blood Hawk were on opposite sides of the Neo Blue Falcon, and threatened to sandwich him at any moment.
"How come both of your theme songs have mumble-y lyrics that nobody can understand?" Captain Falcon asked in earnest.
Black Shadow stopped to listen to his own theme song playing for a few seconds. "Huh... I don't actually know," he admitted, leaning his head up a bit to shout to Blood Falcon on the opposite side of the road, "What in the hell ARE they saying in our theme songs?"
The two of them honestly shrugged. "Who cares? Let's just kill him!" Blood Falcon shouted, and the two evil men laughed uproariously while their cockpits closed.

---Music: Lightning (GP Legend)---

Immediately, the two of them took sharp swipes to their sides, finally making the sandwiching attempt that Captain Falcon was expecting. He hit a hard break, drastically reducing the Neo Blue Falcon's speed, causing it to fall behind the two cars trying to squeeze it, dodging the attack completely and causing the Black Bull and Blood Hawk to smash into each other, hobbling both of them.
"You'll pay for humiliating me time and time again!" Black Shadow threatened over an open radio channel, "By the end of the day I'm going to be teabagging the flaming pile of scrap metal that used to be your F-ZERO!"
The two antagonists began driving and swerving aggressively, making quick swipes and grazing the sides of Captain Falcon's car, scratching and damaging it. "I hope things are going better on your end than they are on mine, Raiden," Captain Falcon spoke with urgency.
"I'm in a bit of a tight spot, myself," Raiden replied disappointingly, "There's a car here being piloting by two other Cyborgs, and they're giving me a hard time."
On the second path, Raiden was doing his best to run in serpentine patterns, making all kinds of evasive jumps and rolls to continually avoid the harassment coming at him from a red, narrow F-ZERO which looked like a shuttle. It was the Red Gazelle, piloted by the former-human-turned-machine Mighty Gazelle, along with his co-pilot, the malicious robot, Rodney Coppperbottom, the fucking blue robot dude from the movie Robots, who had hacked into Mighty Gazelle and was controlling him. "I don't suppose we can talk this out?" Raiden shouted, trying to reason with his aggressors.
Rodney replied with a monotone, yet angry, mechanical voice. "EAT MY ASSHOLE, BITCH BOI."
While Mighty Gazelle focused on driving, Rodney hung over the edge of the open cockpit, holding his palm outwards as if to fire a laser beam. Instead, his arm transformed into a tennis ball launcher and he began to spray haphazardly in all directions.
Raiden heard the voice of Tito contact him over the radio. "Raiden!" he cried with a Russian accent, "Use your ninja run to deflect those shots, bruddah!"
Raiden unsheathed his sword and began swinging the blade with speed and precision enough to intercept the projectiles and deflect them away harmlessly. "Tito! About time you contacted us!" Raiden spoke with relief, "What took you so long?"
"I was pulling some strings to get you some support from the agency, bruddah," he spoke with confident satisfaction. "The cavalry should arrive any minute, now."
Within a few moments, Raiden could tell the shots were no longer actually reaching his blade. In fact, he even heard the sound of gunshots coming from *behind* him, along with the rumbles of a motorcycle. He turned his head backwards over his shoulder to see what was happening.

---Music: Devil Trigger (Starting at 0:48)---

"Hey, aren't you... Dante from the Devil May Cry Series?" Raiden called back.
It was indeed Dante from the Devil May Cry Series. He had kicked his legs up to relax, quite literally; his legs were criss-crossed and his boots were against the handles of his sick ass cycle, and he was driving with his feet. He was juggling his firearms in the air in fancy patterns, and each time he caught a gun, he pulled the trigger before tossing it back up. Doing this at an extremely fast pace, he was able to fire bullets of his own which collided with the projectiles Rodney was firing, shooting them out of the sky and rendering them useless.
Tito chuckled to himself. "I knew there would be other diabolical villains in the Grand Prix, so I made some arrangements to have a few of our other agents give you some support."
"Tito, you lovable bastard!" Raiden laughed.
"That's right, I wouldn't miss a party like this for the world! YA-HOO!! Dante shouted with hot blooded enthusiasm.
Mighty Gazelle's robotic voice was literally identical to Rodney's. "Dante being here totally fucks up all of our calculations, master. What should we do?"
"Shut up! We're fine, everything's fine," Rodney growled with slight hesitation. He reached into the backseat of the car and pulled out a fully sized 6th century ballista. He angled the massive weapon and fired a large crossbow bolt which took Raiden's right leg off completely.
Raiden was able to keep up the same insane speed, albeit by hopping on his remaining leg like a pogo stick. "Well, I've gotta admit... **this** has never happened before."
"Uh oh. Things aren't looking so hot," Dante scowled. "Agent W, are you ready, yet?"
Raiden hadn't even noticed, but there was another figure riding on Dante's bike, but they were covered in a heavy cloak. The figure stood up and tossed the cloak aside, revealing Waluigi. "I guess it's time for my surprise appearance, wa-HA! I wasn't going to leave all the legwork up to everyone else. It's my turn to pull my weight!"
His eyes turned bloodshot, and he began to grow wings made out of bone, which slowly grew dark, redish-purple flesh to cover the bone as his body transfiguring into that of a demon. "WAH! WAH! WAH! PULL MY DEVIL TRIGGER!!!"
He threw his arms to the side and raised his head to the sky to growl like a tiger, and jumped from Dante's bike with incredible agility. His gloves ripped to reveal giant, rake-like claws. He flew right to the Red Gazelle and stabbed his sharp fingers into the the back of it, and his nails were long enough to pierce through the machine completely and lodge themselves into the track underneath as well. With the F-ZERO suddenly pinned in place, it lost all forward momentum and stopped completely.

---Music: Rules of Nature (Starting at 0:23)---

The sudden stop caused the two cyborg occupants of the Red Gazelle to crash through their windshield as they were launched from their own car.
Raiden focused himself and held his sword perfectly vertically in front of his face in a meditative stance. He crouched down as low to the ground as he could, and using his remaining leg like a spring, he launched himself high into the air, in a flight path headed directly towards Rodney and Mighty Gazelle as they continued soaring.
Moving through the air faster than a missile, it only took a few seconds to reach his targets. As he approached, time slowed down to a crawl as his concentration reached its peak, and he entered his blade mode. The world moved in slow motion from his perspective of hyper focus, and in this state, he was able to slash his blade with terrifying accuracy, completely amputating all of Rodney's limbs and bisecting him at the waist. From underneath the metallic armor, Raiden saw Rodney's glowing blue robo-spine. "Bull's eye!" he shouted as he ripped it from Rodney's body. All robo-spines contain blue Gatorade, as Raiden knew, so he crushed the spine in his hands, refueling himself with electrolytes. He healed completely and sprouted a new leg like new.
While still flowing through time as if it were still, it only took one single slash for Raiden to remove the USB drive that Rodney had stabbed into Gazelle's head, saving the cyborg from being controlled any longer.
Raiden's senses returned to normal, and he grabbed Mighty Gazelle to take the robot with him on his rocketing flight path. In an instant, the consequences of Raiden's lightning-fast attacks all struck at once, and Rodney's body was shredded to pieces at the same time. The assault was so quick, Rodney exploded before he had the chance to shout profanity, like he wanted to.
As Raiden descended from the sky, he saw Waluigi catching up to him, swimming through the air like he does during his defensive shot in Mario Power Tennis, with the intention of catching up with his airborne ally. Raiden tossed Mighty Gazelle over to Waluigi who caught the cyborg, safe and sound. Agent W quadruple flipped and landed back on top of Dante's bike.
Raiden dropped from the sky alongside flaming scrap and debris from Rodney's body which fell like heavy rain. He landed on his feet and continued sprinting full speed as if nothing had ever happened.

---(Music End)---

"Dude. Bad. Ass," Waluigi praised.
"Good job, agents," Tito praised with uplifting spirits, "That was an unexpected snag in the plan, but you all overcame it quite nicely."
"Be... careful..." Mighty Gazelle spoke weakly, being in a rather beat up shape. "Rodney had other allies... evil villains bent on winning the race at all costs..."
"We'll head back to base and make sure this poor guy gets taken care of," Dante explained, "I'll leave the rest to you and Captain Falcon."
"Speaking of... how is he holding up...?" Waluigi questioned open endedly.

---Music: Osc-Sync Carnival---

Mr. Zero seemed to be communicating with Lakitu on an earpiece. "This just in, folks: while we've been busy keeping our eyes on the front lines of the race, seeing who is holding first place, something breathtaking was taking place around the halfway point of the right side of the track!"
The faithful cameraman on the cloud turned all of their attention just in time to watch Raiden land back onto the track just moments after the explosion of Rodney.
"Absolutely incredible!" Mr. Zero shouted at the top of his lungs, "We turn our heads for one second, and we almost miss one of the most climactic duels ever to transpire on the Grand Prix circuit! I've never seen anything like it!"
Shy Guy attempted to explain with fervor. "After the Red Gazelle attacked Raiden head on, the team of Dante and Waluigi jumped in to assist! Then, in an awe-inspiring display of finesse and swordsmanship, Raiden launched through the air and cut Rodney Copperbottom into ribbons!"
"What a show! What excitement! The dangers and risks of full on vehicular combat! You'll never see something like this in Mario Kart, that's for sure!" Bullet Bill emphasized.
Shy Guy was silent for a moment. "Uh... right. Well. Anyway. From what we can tell, Raiden's been separated from his Double Dash!! partner, Captain Falcon. Lakitu, can you bring us some clarity on what's happening over on the other track?"
The Neo Blue Falcon was hanging in there, but not easily. Driving and harshly turning back and forth, Black Shadow and Blood Falcon presented a two-pronged attack so threatening that even Captain Falcon wasn't able to dodge all of their vicious smashes.
Black Shadow chuckled heinously. "What's the matter, Captain? Not so tough now that we're ganging up on you two on one, eh?!"
"When you put it that way," Blood Falcon commented, "We kinda sound like dicks."
"What the fuck do we care? We're bad guys!" Black Shadow argued. He swerved the Black Bull, putting all of its weight into a tremendous crash against the Neo Blue's left side.
"Raiden, do you copy?" Captain Falcon called to his partner, "I'm in a bind here."
"Captain, check your map," Raiden replied with anxiety, "There's a part a few kilometers ahead where the two paths of the track cross over one another like a double helix. If you can time a jump just right, you might be able to fall down from *your* track to meet up with me on *my* track. Can you make it that far?"
Falcon saw the point on the track in question. "I can certainly try. But these guys aren't cutting me any slack. This is like, GX Story Mode level hard."
"Look alive, bruddah," Tito announced, "Help is on the way!"
From seemingly nowhere, a blazing orange chain fired out and wrapped around the Blood Hawk, slowing it down slightly.

---Music: Theme of Ghost Rider ---

A second chain appeared, grabbing the Black Bull as well. From out of the distant darkness, a flaming motorcycle appeared, driven by a skeleton man in a biker suit with a flaming skull for a head. "Whoa! Another unexpected appearance!" Mr. Zero cried, "It's Ghost Rider and his partner, his pet turtle!"
"Hey," Ghost Rider greeted with his soft, yet harsh voice.
The spectral biker held the two chains in one hand, wrangling both machines at once, despite their heavy tonnage. Using pure, superhuman strength, he gave the chains a tug and violently pulled the two F-ZEROs back. He then flicked the chains upwards to lift the vehicles off of the ground and started to swing them back and forth in the air. He slung them in half-circles going in opposite directions, smashing into one another, then reversed the direction and swung them into one another yet again. He repeated this action as if he were playing with clacker balls, smashing them back and forth extremely fast and doing immense damage to both vehicles.
"Blood Falcon, you take care of this!" Black Shadow growled in irritation, "I'm not going to let Captain Falcon get away!"

---Music: Osc-Sync Carnival (Final Lap)---

Black Shadow used a spin attack, snapping the chain and freeing him from Ghost Rider's clutches. From the combination of the sparks created upon the Black Bull hitting the tracks again and the still-burning chain links falling with him, it looked like Black Shadow's car had burst into a flaming inferno, hell-bound in its charge to reach his rival. It immediately picked up to its max speed in pursuit of Captain Falcon, who knew he only had a few seconds to prepare for an impact.
Almost.
Almost...
Almooost...

---Music: Wild Dance of the Machine God---

Captain Falcon immediately broke into a spin attack of his own to minimize the imminent damage, and he carefully moved just a tad to the side. As if the Neo Blue Falcon were a cue ball struck by a pool stick, the impact of the Black Bull bumped the car forward with enough force to literally bounce it into the air. With Captain Falcon's precise positioning, the angle of the flight that Black Shadow sent him on sent him flying just over the edge rails of the track. The captain had pulled off this risky gambit with flawless timing; the track Raiden was on had lowered in altitude and was indeed directly below the upper track.
However, the spinning motion was so drastic that even Falcon couldn't fully control where he was going, and it seemed like all would be lost as the Neo Blue Falcon seemed ready accidentally over-shoot the track to fly into the abyss below...
Not if Raiden had anything to say about it.
The cyborg ninja was just quick enough to reach the Falcon as it flew over his track. He jumped up into the air and intercepted the F-ZERO, catching it and holding it above his head. As he hit the ground, he continued running while balancing the machine over his shoulders, making it look like the car had legs and also kinda looked like the cars in the Flintstones.
"This thing is heavier than it looks," Raiden chuckled. He stuck out his arms like airplane wings and then leaned to the side. In the same way a basketball player would roll a basketball across the length of his arm-span, he neatly slid his partner's vehicle back onto the track, where it quickly equalized speed with him. The two racing partners blazed away, leaving an angry Black Shadow shaking his fist on the track above. Ghost Rider's chain wrapped around him like one of those canes in those old cartoon bits where a person on stage would get yanked off.

---Music: Selector---

"Wow, incredible!" Mr. Zero shouted in his best Melee announcer voice, "Captain Falcon was able to just narrowly escape from the ambush that had been laid out for him! He pulled off one of the most impressive jumps I've seen, too!"
"It really brings to mind the tactics of death-defying speedrunners!" Bullet Bill likened, "World records have been set by crazy stunts like this one, flying haphazardly across entire sections of the courses! It's exciting! It's intense! It's nail-biting! It's definitely more interesting than other racing games, like Mario Kart!"
"Wh-" Shy Guy almost spoke, turning his head slightly to look at Bill for an extended period. He then turned his head back, having decided to let it go.
"The pilots are getting closer and closer to the next leg of the race," Mr. Zero spoke, "So let's take a brief moment to analyze some of the changes in the current standings!"
Bullet Bill took over the announcing for this part. "We have a mix of both new faces and old at the front of the race as we move on to the third phase! Inching out in first place is the Fire Stingray! However, it is having a tough time maintaining the lead, as the Gummi Clown Car is right on its tail! From right out of the Kingdom Hearts universe, this small little toy car is piloted by none other than every single member of Organization XIII!"
"Axel won't stop poking me!" Saïx complained.
"HE started it!" Axel argued.
Xemnas delivered a grave warning with his deep, mellow voice. "Don't make me turn this car around."
"What's this, however!" Shy Guy shouted, "It looks like two new racers are zooming into first place, fast! The pilot seems to be swinging around a large, spiked ball on a chain, scarring off the Fire Stingray and the Gummi Clown Car! It's none other than Pajama Sam, piloting his partner, Putt-Putt!"
Mr. Zero bobbed up and down in his seat excitedly. "There will be no shortage of surprises, upsets, and turnarounds as the Grand Prix continues on! No one can predict how this competition will end! All we can do is watch the most exciting race in history as our racers move on to the third phase of the race..."

---(Music End)---

  *To Be Continued...*