recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
2010 In Review and 2011 Predictions

## Episode blurb

In this episode we discuss the biggest stories in the world in 2010 and make predictions for 2011. We discuss putting cats in garbage bins, the Emmy death montage, circus triathalons and the blessed union of two people we don’t like. Also, who will be the biggest name in 2011: Kevin James or Ashton Kutcher? [...]

## Running Gags

* Batman is mentioned
* TCGTE Conglomerate
* PTOAYDKEUTNYTPIOTY Of the Week

## Quotes

**Tim**: "It would have been loincloths [in The Flintstones], except they weren't allowed to show nipples in cartoons."

**Tom**: "Is that true?"

**Tim**: "No, nipples are just really hard to draw."

**Tom**: "They're a circle, they're one of the easiest body parts to draw ... I'll draw you nipples!"

**Tim**: "I know, I've seen your doodles! Nipples strewn about."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "You've seen my nipple notebooks?"

**Tim**: "It's quite distressing, actually."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "By the way, I give Bill Gates a lot of credit for not being a gigantic pervert. Can I say that? ... he has enough money to be like, the weirdest pervert. And he abstains!"

**Tim**: "Are you saying if you had the freedom to be a pervert, you would just be a huge pervert?"

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "You live in constant fear of Buzzfeed, don't you."

**Tim**: "I don't think that's an irrational fear!"

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "If I see ... someone who looks a little too proud of himself- I'll wait til he passes then I'll turn around and give him the finger."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "I'm going to take off my co-host hat, and put on my predicting hat."

**Tom**: "You've actually got some sort of frock on."

**Tim**: "It's nice, I had it made up, it cost me a fortune. My Mom made it."

**Tom**: "It's very nice, I like the bedazzling."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "We should have had you do the predictions, cause then we could have called it 'NostraTOMus'."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "If President Obama's listening, I'd like him to consider this-"

**Tom**: "He's listening, he writes in every week ... and we never have time for his questions, either. His Tim and Tom Solve Your Problems are always about the economy."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "I would like to orchestrate some kinda campaign to convince North Korea that like, I dunno.. Batman is real or something."

## References

1. ↑ https://soundcloud.com/completeguide/2010-in-review-and-2011
Camping

## Episode blurb

In this episode we recount a recent camping trip and share what we've learned. We also discuss: - An excellent trick idea for street magicians - Selling mugs for surly office workers - Walmart sells machetes for $6.88!! - A very long conversation about one specific Wiffle Ball game - Getting harassed by a teenager [...]

## Running Gags

* Tim hates teenagers
* They call each other T-Bone

## Quotes

**Tom**: "What's goin' on, Tim, Timbo, T-Bone.. can I call you T-Bone?"

**Tim**: "Yeah. Can I call you T-Bone?"

**Tom**: "Sure, why not?"

**Tim**: "So, T-Bone, what's new?"

**Tom**: "T-Bone, not that much."

**Tim**: "This is great."

**Tom**: "Have we done this before? I feel like we've done this exact, stupid bit. Multiple times."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "I hate the word 'blouse'. You know what, it reminds of the name 'Blanche' ... and I think I hate the name 'Blanche' because it reminds me of the world 'blouse'. So it's a feedback loop that just makes me angry."

**Tom**: "You're turning red just sitting there thinking about it. I imagine 9 times out of 10 you meet a Blanche she's wearing a blouse."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "Co-workers are not friends, everybody, let's get that straight."

**Tom**: "I remind my co-workers of that every day!"

**Tim**: "You are not my friend, you are my boss. Now get the fuck out of my office."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "You wanna know how my weekend was? listen to my goddamn podcast. TCGTE.com."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "What are the laws on child labour if it's done in the construct of a... a fake preschool?"

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "I hate everything about Walmart except their goddamn low prices ... there was a machete for $6.88! ... I don't know why we didn't buy 12 machetes ... actually, I do know why, 'cause of that guy we were camping with that we thought might go nuts and kill all of us."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "What we did not anticipate was that the teenager would have a park ranger with a gun with her."

**Tim**: "And the ability to write us not one but two $50 tickets ... not to be a misogynist but they were both ladies."

**Tom**: "Yeah, 'Not to be a misogynist but they were dumb broads!'"

**Tim**: "No!"

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "I stopped hiding my drinking when I turned 21."

**Tom**: "Dunno if you've heard, Tim, but each week I do a podcast where I drink openly."

\*\*\*
## References

1. ↑ https://soundcloud.com/completeguide/camping
Chat Roulette

## Episode blurb

In this week's episode, Tom and Tim explore the phenomenon that is Chat Roulette. Also discussed: - More about haircuts - 80s Saxaphone Hits - A listener tells a tale of charity gone wrong - Rude or Shrewd?

## Quotes

**Tim**: "For the first time ever we visited this website Chat Roulette- oh hey, there was a pretty girl! ..I'm still on Chat Roulette."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "Tom, you vamp for a while - I'm making friends on the internet."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "As much fun as we had - I've never seen as many penises in such short a time."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "What happened was, she cut all that hair away, and realised under all that hair you're not actually that attractive."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "We should have a segment- 'Rude or Shrewd?'"

**Tim**: "Post on our FB some of the rude things you do. We'll tell you how to turn shrewd!"

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "What is your problem with 'Maneater', by the way? ... it's maybe the pinnacle of modern music composition."

**Tim**: "First of all, saxophones, Tom, I can't get behind saxophones."

**Tom**: "If there's anything you can get behind, it's saxophones."

**Tim**: "I have a negative association-"

**Tom**: "What's your negative association?"

**Tim**: "I was almost eaten by a maneater."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "Wow, Tom, whatcha been drinking there?"

**Tom**: "A whooole lot."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "If they had like 'Saxophone songs that are awesome from the 80s', I would buy that in a heartbeat!"

**Tim**: "I would murder you with it. I'd break that CD in half and slit your throat with it. Cut your jugular open while you slept."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "Break out your saxophone."

**Tim**: "I don't own a saxophone, Tom."

[Tom laughs]

**Tim**: "Were you going to make a skin flute joke?"

**Tom**: "No! I was going to make a saxophone joke. Pervert!"

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "Hey, someone just has the video on their dining room set ... I like that, it's wholesome.

**Tom**: "Stick around, it'll be someone masturbating before you know-"

**Tim**: "Uuuhhhhhh!"

**Tom**: "There you go."

\*\*\*
## Anecdotes

### Tim

"My babysitter is bringing me to preschool, she straps me in the back of the car ['Maneater' starts behind this] and 'Maneater' is playing- blasting. And the next thing you know, she slams my hand in the car door ... I'd like to think it wasn't that I was a terrible kid. I was an obnoxious kid. I didn't go to the hospital or anything. I'm thinking I was probably just being a bit of a wuss about it ... but anyway, 'Maneater' was playing ... and that fucking sax is going."

## References

1. ↑ https://soundcloud.com/completeguide/chat-roulette
Colon Health and Final Destination

## Episode blurb

Some frank discussion about putting tubes up your butt, dentists with TVs, the introduction of "The Gauntlet" and of course Final Destination 3D.

## Running Gags

* Tim hates teenagers
* Tim hates the Baby Boomers
* "What if we die before this comes out?" (first mention)

## Quotes

**Tom**: "I always worry when we record something early - what if one of us dies in between recording and it coming out?"

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "So the lemon cleanse thing didn't really cleanse me of anything."

**Tom**: "Yeah, it just made you frail."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "It's my secret shame that I once had a colonic. Everyone was doing it."

**Tim**: "Most people experience peer pressure for other things."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "There's some tiny Thai woman trying to shove a tube in my butt, and I don't want that. I mean, I paid for it..."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "If I did this in Soho, some hot chick will be putting things up there."

**Tom**: "There's no way that your asshole is gonna impress her."

**Tim**: "I'm not looking to impress her, but it's the only way a hot girl's finger is gonna be in my ass."

## References

1. ↑ https://tcgteclassicsblog.wordpress.com/rankings/
2. ↑ https://soundcloud.com/completeguide/colon-health-and-final
The Grammy Awards

## Episode blurb

* Please excuse the lateness of this episode. Tim's not so smart when it comes to the internet. Next episode will be up at the regular time. In this very special 2010 Winter Olympic preview episode, Tom tries to keep Tim's Olympic Fever in check while they discuss: \* the inspirational book The Secret's effect on [...]

## Running Gags

* Tom does a questionable accent
* We're so old

## Quotes

**Tim**: "All I wanted to hear [from Beyonce] was the 'uh oh uh oh uh oh' song from like, 8 years ago."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "How do you say it?"
Tim: "It's 'Cirque du Soleil'."

**Tom**: "I always think it's 'Circus Ole'!"

**Tim**: "That's some Mexican restaurant."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "I like that Taylor Swift girl. I like her a lot."

**Tom**: "Do you know how tall she is?"

**Tim**: "She's a giant, she's a monster."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "Are you being sponsored by Pepsi?"

**Tim**: "Nah, I just really like Pepsi Cola, Tom."

**Tom**: "I don't think they call themselves Pepsi Cola- ...are you being sponsored by 1920s Pepsi?"

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "We almost didn't have prom, because I was in charge ... I don't know how to organise prom!"

**Tim**: "Tom, you can barely dress yourself."

## References

1. ↑ https://soundcloud.com/completeguide/winter-olympics-super-late
MS Carolinian II

Ships Fast Navigation
Contract Ships • Level Offers •
Merchant • In Shop

Available during **Statue of Liberty** event in **2020** (Apr 28th - Jun 6th).

MS Carolinian was a coastal tanker, launched in 1930. She was operated by Texaco. She was later converted into a barge and remained in service until the late 80-ties.
The Internet

## Episode blurb

Call to action for billionaires / Million dollar bills / Tim weighs his options / Tom's coming to London /The Business of Bloopers YouTube Killed The America's Funniest Home Videos Star / Our Pal "Randy" Becomes an Unexpected Famous Internet Asshole / The Social Fight Club / Tim and Tom Solve Your Problems: Canadian Jerks at Work Santa Claus Cons A [...]

## Quotes

**Tom**: "The goal of this podcast is really just to get one eccentric billionaire as a fan."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "Tom, I've decided I'm going to marry for money."

**Tom**: "I didn't think you had that many offers!"

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "You bored everyone to tears last week."

**Tim**: "Look, man, I wanted to re-record that entire episode."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "I don't like rules, I'm a free spirit, which is why I'm a 28-year old loser."

**Tom**: "Oh, that's why? I had a bunch of other theories."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "You know what I wanna bring back?"

**Tom**: "What?"

**Tim**: "How come nobody says 'schwing' anymore?"

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "I've been watching a lot of Jason Statham movies lately."

**Tim**: "I know you have, with your shirt off. You're doing the moves along with him, you're doing a lot of jump-kicks and whatnot."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "Whatever happened to sincerity, man? Whatever happened to the Hepburns and Bogarts?"

**Tom**: "They're both dead. I can tell you specifically what happened to them. They got old and then they died from being old."

\*\*\*
## References

1. ↑ https://soundcloud.com/completeguide/the-internet
Winning the Lottery

## Episode blurb

Have you ever wanted to win the lottery? Well, in this episode we tell you how to! Not really, but we do discuss excellent ways to spend your lottery winnings.

## Running Gags

* Tim hates people talking about their dreams (first mention)

## Quotes

**Tom**: "They revamped Ask Jeeves once, and made him younger and sexier."

**Tim**: "Did they give him dreadlocks? and sunglasses?"

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "When I win the lottery you are on the shortlist for butler ... I wouldn't let you talk most of the time. Or your pay would be docked."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "I wanna be that guy where you all sit around all like, 'Whatever happened to that Tim guy?' ... meanwhile, I'm on a beach in S. America, living the high life."

**Tom**: "And nobody's the wiser."

**Tim**: "With a bunch of beautiful women who only like me for my money."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "Do you think Scott Bakula's actually Dracula?"

**Tim**: "... Tom, no one can see the dumb face you made after making that joke. We've got a real visual episode going on."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "She lives in a town called Cockermouth."

**Tim**: "No. No. Show me!"

**Tom**: "And do you know where Cockermouth is? It's in CUMbria."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "I've had to call my phone provider and pay extra money every month because I receive so many voicemails from girls."

**Tim**: "Really!"

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "... It's turned me into wolfman."

**Tim**: "I believe that's possibly what has happened to me."

**Tom**: "Is that what that beard is?"

**Tim**: "Yes, I shave this off every day!"

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "I took Adderall & I ended up making out with somebody for 5 hrs. It was ridiculous."

**Tim**: "Okay. I wanna hear more about this story! ... were you focused on making out the best you've ever made out? Like, 'I'm gonna perfect this!' Was the girl bored by the end of this?"

**Tom**: "Can't imagine she was. I mean, come on."

**Tim**: "People can't see the look I'm givin you."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "We were also talking about how if we did Adderall we'd have a 5 hour podcast every week that was very, very specific ... like, 'Oh wow look at that ant walking across the floor'."

\*\*\*
## References

1. ↑ https://soundcloud.com/completeguide/winning-the-lottery
Michael Jackson

## Episode blurb

Tim and Tom look back on Michael Jackson's career, legacy and various types of pets in their truimphant and unnecessarily-long return to audio podcasting.

## Running Gags

* Tom has/used to have an amazing/crazy job

## Quotes

**Tom**: "I'll stop cursing, I'll stop masturbating... please just bring zombie Michael Jackson back."

**Tom**: "Be our Facebook fuck buddies."

## References

1. ↑ https://tcgteclassicsblog.wordpress.com/rankings/
2. ↑ https://soundcloud.com/completeguide/michael-jackson
Public Services (Or An Excuse to Talk About Poop)

## Episode blurb

TCGTE London / Tim considers coming to England / Tim intimidates for money / How to Write Compelling Show Titles / Paying Your Taxes is for Grown Ups / Aristocratic Old Money / Women at FAO Schwarz / "You're Awful" / Corn / How the government works / Hipsters' Ideas About Poop / Green Stuff (Not Poop) / Tim & Tom Solve Your Problems: Fantasy Football Collusion

## Running Gags

* Starbucks is mentioned
* "You're Awful" segment (first mention)

## Quotes

**Tim**: "Whenever I come home and I'm a little too drunk? Wesley Snipes parties HARD."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "She was following this guy around and you could see he was like ... 'Jesus, you racist old bag!'"

**Tom**: "I think 'racist old bag' should be a more common phrase."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "I would like to start a movement ... the next time you see someone doing something like this, just go up to them and say, 'Excuse me. You are awful. You're awful.' And just walk away."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "Yeah, we can just go to different places and tell people they're awful."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "Let's go back to the sewage treatment plant for a second-"

**Tim**: "I'm not going back there. It smells there."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "Right, Tim, it's time for your favourite part of the show."

**Tim**: "Is it over?"

\*\*\*
## References

1. ↑ https://soundcloud.com/completeguide/public-services-or-an-excuse
Nothing in Particular

## Episode blurb

In this episode we talk and talk and talk. Topics include Tiger Woods, Crystal Pepsi, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and LeBron James teaming up to make Tim feel old, Tom's continued hatred of those less fortunate than him and the hit movie The Rocketeer.

## Quotes

**Tom**: "How was life on the railways?"

**Tim**: "Terrible. I don't know how to fend for myself."

**Tom**: "I found you down the docks!"

**Tim**: "Huddled in the foetal position. I hadn't eaten in a week!"

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "You're a fraud, Tim, you can't name more than one Beatles song."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "They say we're going to live forever now, they're gonna put our heads on robots."

**Tim**: "Who says this. Name one person who says this."

**Tom**: "...Scientists?"

**Tim**: "Name a famous scientist."

**Tom**: "Einstein! J. Edgar Hoover!"

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "Welcome to the least-focused episode of The Complete Guide to Everything."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "You can't just drink all evening and then decide to set up some microphones and ramble for an hour."

**Tom**: "Certainly not ... nobody wants to listen to that. Even if you made it free."

**Tim**: "Nobody wants your free rambling podcast."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "Would you like me to go through all the ways that I'VE been pleasantly rejected by females?"

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "We get a lot of drunk [Facebook] wall posts."

**Tim**: "Which we welcome."

**Tom**: "I dunno if I welcome being the sluts of the podcasting world."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "Didn't you hate, the next day at school, when everyone was all 'Did you see Tool Time last night?'"

**Tom**: "That bothered you huh."

**Tim**: "They'd say 'Al Bundy' and 'Tool Time', no, you mean Married with Children and Home Improvement, jackass."

## References

1. ↑ https://soundcloud.com/completeguide/the-complete-guide-to-nothing
Coffee

## Episode blurb

Pour yourself a hot cup of joe and listen to this episode in which we discuss all types of coffee and the culture surrounding it, but mostly just complain about one specific employee at one coffee shop. Also, we talk about Paul McCartney not being able to afford a horn section, breaking celebrity news, a dissection of Hardy Boys novels and take suggestions from the Facebook wall.

## Running Gags

* Starbucks is mentioned
* PTOAYDKEUTNYTPIOTY Of the Week (first mention)

## Quotes

**Tim**: "The problem this week is that we both have way too much energy. It's screwing us up. Who's the curmudgeon?"

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "This girl asked me if she looked like Grace Kelly because of what get-up she was wearing that day-"

**Tom**: "Did she look old and dead?"

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "Play along for a bit and gain [Ron's] trust and then burn him. Burn him literally. Burn him with the hottest coffee you can find."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "Is my Roomba a slave?"

**Tom**: "Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. I've recently emancipated your Roomba."

\*\*\*
## References

1. ↑ https://soundcloud.com/completeguide/coffee
Fall TV

## Episode blurb

TCGTE's 42nd annual Fall TV preview show! We discuss all your soon-to-be favorite new shows! Shows that are blatant movie rip-offs, shows that are about detectives, shows about MILFs, they're all here!.

## Running Gags

* They talk about being "so old" (first mention)
* Tom does a questionable accent

## Quotes

**Tom**: "Is there a show about a sexy cougar detective? Cause if not, we need to delete this podcast cause I'm going to create one."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "What the ghosts don't realise is that ghosts can't fuck humans."

**Tom**: "Yup, they go straight through."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "Tim has a confession to make."

**Tim**: "Yeah, I had not sent out any of the stickers any of those times that I'd insisted I had."

**Tom**: "Fucking lying asshole."

**Tim**: "Suddenly we're at the bar & drunk off our ass, so I finally confessed. But I have sent them now."

## References

1. ↑ https://soundcloud.com/completeguide/fall-tv
Snack Mixes

## Episode Blurb:

We can all agree that snack mixes are superior to singular snacks because they are more snacks at once. That's just math. With so much going on, they can also be pretty chaotic, much like this episode which features an ailing Tim recording from his bed, a lot more talk about moats than you'd expect, and a pretty vocal baby sitting in for much of the recording.
Asher Eisenberg

**Asher Eisenberg** is the main character in the book Autumn Changes. He is a minor character from *Anything Could Happen*. He auditions for Guy's play, *Tearoom Tango*, and reads for the part of The Cop. Austin is impressed by his acting ability but naively believes he is a lot older than he is because of graying in his hair put there for his part in the play. He appears again later in the story during Liddle Awful Annie's show to promote *Tearoom Tango*. He gives Austin some advice on acting.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

## Episode blurb

Meinhardt Schwarzenegger, Last Action Hero, Batman and Robin, Mr. Crisp, Twins, Old Robots, The Most Amazing Movie Ever Made, Aliens vs. Predators, Tom proposes a new electronic device for just watching Arnold movies and Tom reviews Planet Hollywood. The Gauntlet: Comic Book Superheroes, Social Networking, Parties, Annoying Kids, Random People You Meet on Nights Out, [...]

## Running Gags

* Batman is mentioned
* They mention their empire/interns/employees/crew
* It's "so hot" in the room (first mention)

## Quotes

**Tim**: "Prominent politician on the world stage... and also, a bodybuilder who liked to fuck a lot of chicks and smoke a lot of pot."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "[Kindergarten Cop] has so many iconic lines - [Arnold voice] 'It's not a tumor!'.. 'Who is your Daddy and what does he do?', 'Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina'.. and 'I'm not a policeman, I'm a princess!'"

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "We'll buy the Arnold DVD boxset, and buy a bunch of DVD players and glue â€˜em together and put a picture of Arnold on them."

**Tim**: "We'll put the disc in and glue the thing shut!"

**Tom**: "You bring a date home and they see you have one of these- then they know they're in for a night of entertainment!"

**Tim**: "We should drink more alcohol-"

**Tom**: "And come up with more business ideas!"

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "We have our highly-paid interns sorting through [the suggestions] separating the wheat from the chafe-"

**Tim**: "Chaff."

**Tom**: "Chaff. They separate the wheat from the chaps."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "I'd have the best ways of firing people if I was a boss. Is it legal to shoot people out of a cannon?"

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "We need interns! Email us."

**Tom**: "Resumes. Headshots. Body shots."

**Tim**: "No."

**Tom**: "Side shots. Candid photos."

**Tim**: "Family photos."

## References

1. ↑ https://tcgteclassicsblog.wordpress.com/rankings/
2. ↑ https://soundcloud.com/completeguide/arnold-schwarzenegger
2010 or Twenty-Ben: The year of the Milkternet

## Episode blurb

In this episode, stuff happens: Tom talks like Oprah Charles Shultz was a jerk Going out Thelma and Louise style Big plans for TCGTE!! Back to the Future 2 Becoming Reality Awful 80s Nostalgia Creepy Japanese Robots Society's unfair treatment of Ben Affleck Nostradamus was a jerk Remakes of movies starring dogs More adventurous pornography [...]

## Running Gags

* They mention their interns/employees/empire/crew

## Quotes

**Tom**: "It's pretty quiet around here too, we've given most of the staff the week off."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "Where's Gwen Stefani right now? she's missing out on declaring this the year Twenty-Gwen."

**Tom**: "This is what you meant when you said, 'We don't need notes for this show, I have stuff to talk about'?"

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "Tell us why we shouldn't declare this year Twenty-Ben."

**Tom**: "Cause we're doing it right now."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "You're proposing some kind of milk internet."

**Tim**: "Yes!"

**Both**: "A milkernet."

\*\*\*
## Tim's 2010 Predictions

* "It'll be popular to remake movies but with dogs in the leading roles"
* "Porn is going to get way more adventurous ... we'll be live-streaming porn."
* "Milk plumbing. A milk delivery system. Right next to the water faucet, you have a milk faucet."

## References

1. ↑ https://tcgteclassicsblog.wordpress.com/rankings/
2. ↑ https://soundcloud.com/completeguide/2010-or-twenty-ben-the-year-of
Red

**Publisher** | Dreamspinner Press

***Red*** is a 2015 novella by B.G. Thomas.

## Description

Leslie "Red" Parks was pretty surprised to find he was considered attractive enough to be a male escort. And once he started and the money came rolling in, he found he didn’t want to stop. For the first time in his life, people truly want him, and he likes that. A lot.

Kirk Toliver has never thought of himself as desirable either—which is why he is single. That, and he has spent years of his life caring for his ill mother. Before she passed away, she made him promise he would splurge on something crazy with the money she left him. So what’s crazier than hiring a male escort?

But neither expected that one night together could lead to what was missing in both their lives.

## Characters

* Leslie Parks
* Kirk Toliver
The Beatles

## Running Gags

* Tom does a questionable accent (first time)
* Tim hates teenagers
* Tim hates the Baby Boomers (first mention)

## Quotes

**Tim**: "They weren't magical fucking gnomes from the nether regions or anything."

**Tom**: "The nether region is something else, Tim. They were not magic gnomes from my balls."

**Tim**: "From my vagina!"

--
**Tim**: "They're the most overrated band in the history of mankind."

**Tom**: "And whose fault is that, Tim?"

**Tim**: "The Baby Boomers."

--
**Tim**: "These baby boomers are never going to fucking die, they're like the Terminator."

--
**Tim**: "You know how teenagers can eat shit? Baby Boomers can eat a dick."

--
**Tom**: "And if I'm not mistaken, [Ringo Starr] was the first person to use drumsticks."

**Tim**: "Yeah, everybody else used to use licorice."

--
**Tim**: "You've suddenly turned a little Irish there, you've got a bit of a brogue."

**Tom [as John Lennon]**: "It's very confusing up in heaven."

--
## References

1. ↑ https://tcgteclassicsblog.wordpress.com/rankings/
2. ↑ https://soundcloud.com/completeguide/the-beatles-mp3
Fairy Tail Teams Page

A "team" consists of at least two members but may also be a combination of teams in cases of big mission. Teams are formed for the purpose of simplifying ordinary, illegal and special missions in Fairy Tail. Each team is commonly affiliated with a guild and works on job requests, both legal and illegal. Teams may be disbanded due to mission accomplishment or failure, withdrawal of a member or the leader, or their affiliated organization being disbanded.

## **Team Natsu (active)**

**- Natsu Dragneel -carolina13544 (RussetFeather)**

**- Lucy Heartfilia- liftingsights (Willow runnerx)**
**-Erza Scarlet- silverstream647 (Aspenfeather)**

**-Gray Fullbuster- Hjlee (Hjlee)**

**-Wendy Marvell- jojojade19 (jojojade19)**
The Bachelor

## Episode blurb

In this episode Tom and Tim discuss the hit reality show 'The Bachelor', America's favorite sex-free 20 hour porn movie. Also discussed... Olympic Fever Finally Subsides Tom's Strong Opinions on The Bachelor Pooping Your Way Into Show Business Tim and Tom Stop Solving One Person's Problems Podcast Philanthropy A Special Musical Performance from Jimmy Bluffert [...]

## Quotes

**Tim**: "We've wasted this whole beautiful day setting up for this crap."

**Tom**: "Timmy, it's okay, you can tell them that you like it outside."

**Tim**: "No, man, I rebel against things."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "How does this work - do they all sit around getting drunk and see who hooks up?"

**Tom**: "They go on dates."

**Tim**: "Now, dates as I understand them, Tom, end in some sort of sexual relations. In either full-blown intercourse-"

**Tom**: "Or a handjob."

**Tim**: "-be it some sort of romantic-"

**Tom**: "-handjob-"

**Tim**: "-romantic pursuit."

Tom: "Or a handjob."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "Did I tell you my plan to secretly take dance lessons? I wanna take street hip-hop dance lessons. "We'll just go to a bar that we're very friendly with and say, 'yo, throw on 'this techno mix I made' ... nah, I'd go for Blackstreet's 'No Diggity'. So I'd get the DJ to play it, and walk over to my friends all 'Hey, No Diggity is on'... I've cleared all the tables out of the way and I'm just killing it. I've had 2 years of secret dance lessons, maybe 12-14 hours a week. My friends will all be, 'What is this?' ... they'll hoist me onto their shoulders and champagne will be poured..."

**Tom**: "Is this to impress a girl or...?"

**Tim**: "No, no. Y'know, I don't think I'd want a girl who would be impressed by hiphop dance moves."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "So this Bachelor is all 'I can't find love'. I mean. You're 31, you're handsome as shit - you're very hunky. And you're a pilot..."

**Tim**: "A pirate?"

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "Buy a star and name it after us."

**Tim**: "That'd be great!"

**Tom**: "I don't want that, what does that get us?"

**Tim**: "You'd go down in history in the galaxy or something. When we finally colonise Mars, and they have a museum, you'll have a plaque in that museum."

**Tom**: "When we go to some distant star, they'll have to call that star 'Tim'. We'll be all 'It's really timmy out today... sure is timmy out today. Man, the tim is really strong today, I hope you wore some sunblock."

**Tim**: "Timblock. Tom, maintain the consistency please, or don't make the bad joke to begin with."

## References

1. ↑ https://soundcloud.com/completeguide/the-bachelor
90s Sitcoms: TGIF Edition

## Episode blurb

On this episode we celebrate ABC's 90s Friday night sitcom lineup known as TGIF. We cover Full House, a very special episode of Diff'rent Strokes, why the movie Big is unrealistic, Tom Hanks vs. Amazon.com, TGIF poison Stacy Keenan, the snappy writing on Boy Meets World, hilarious catchphrases and Tom's adventures as a junior television [...]

## Running Gags

* Tom is obese
* Jeopardy is mentioned (first mention)

## Quotes

**Tom**: "You are a rube."

**Tim**: "The writing [on Boy Meets World] was snappier!"

**Tom**: "God, you're an idiot."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "We said we'd do a livestream, a little Q&A with the fan club."

**Tim**: "We did? I need to go get a haircut before this happens."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "This 350lb smelly guy keeps coming to your room? I don't know what your problem is, as I know that you download this every week.. and what you've said there accurately describes Tom."

## References

1. ↑ https://tcgteclassicsblog.wordpress.com/rankings/
2. ↑ https://soundcloud.com/completeguide/90-s-sitcoms-tgif-edition
On The Rise

**On The Rise** is a bakery in Oakland CA owned by Lucas Arrowood. He originally started there as a part time employee and in no time they were allowing him to try his own recipes. Within another year he owned it and renamed it On the Rise for its implications to the GLBT rights movement. The bakery is very GLBT friendly and often features baked goods that made it clear that his shop is GLBT friendly as well. His customers don’t mind in the least and it has probably been part of his thriving business. His mother, Alice Arrowood, works with him.

It appears in the novella *Someday* in the anthology *A More Perfect Union*.
Enemy Wizard Sign up

As you know, in the anime Fairy Tail, there is always a enemy when you're on a mission/task/job. We are going to attempt to make it as real as possible. If you want to try and stop them from completing a mission go ahead and have some fun. All you have to do is click one of the missions below and read the description on it. It will tell you how many enemies there can be, what your to do (attack wizard, keep them from getting stuff, ambush, steal, etc.) where to go, and what timing it is. There's a timing because we want it so that the everyone for that mission roleplay is on at the same time. When you find a mission you like, comment on an admin or one of the 10 Wizard Saints message wall about it so they can add you into it. We hope you have fun!

**- The Founders**

==​Enemy Wizard Jobs==
Animal Jam Guilds Wikia

## ***Welcome to Animal Jam Guilds Wikia!***

***Here at AJGW (Animal Jam Guilds Wikia) players roleplay as guild members. This idea came from the anime Fairy Tail. We ask that there are only one of each of these guilds. This was first stared when we talked about anime and soon moved the the topic Fairy Tail, after a long while we opened a Fairy Tail Guild (sorta like a club). We also ask that each guild does't have multiples of the same charecters and that the other guilds don't take a charecter from another guild. The founders of this include Erza Scarlet ( Sacaen ), Gray Fullbuster ( hjlee ), Natsu Dragneel ( carolina13554 ), Lucy Heartfelia ( liftingsights ), and Wendy Marvell ( Hitachiinz ). We hope everyone can enjoy this and have fun with it!***

## **Guilds**

### **Fairy Tail- hjlee's den [**1]

**Sabertooth- N/A**

**Mermaid Heel- N/A**

**Lamia Scale- N/A**

**Blue Pegasus- N/A**

**Quatro Cerberus- N/A**

**Raven Tail- N/A**

## **​Rules**

* ***Don't copy a guild if there is already that guild. Example: There is already a Fairy Tail guild, you may not copy that guild or it's characters.***
* ***No swearing at all. This is a child-friendly site.***
* ***Don't spam a page and don't edit a page without permisson (unless you created the page than you do as you shall).***
* ***No vandalism this provides a hard time on administrators.***
* ***Have fun and happy editing everyone!***
Healthy Eating

## Episode blurb

Feeling fat? Are your hands constantly greasy from all the fried foods you're always eating? Let Tim and Tom guide you through the healthiest diets out there today. Also covered: swinger cruises, making friends as an adult and the fact that your life has probably been a child's fever dream.

## Quotes

**Tom**: "I looked at this blender and it said Made in the USA, so I told you to stop looking at all the other blenders."

**Tim**: "Then you congratulated me for being a true patriot."

**Tom**: "I saluted you at the checkout, while I was humming God Bless America."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "I'm not doing it to lose weight Tom, cause I look freakin great."

**Tom**: "I was wondering why you were doing the podcast with no shirt."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "I stopped [the cleanse] after 9 days because I looked like a skeleton. And I was asked if I had a terminal disease."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "I don't remember life before like, 6 years ago."

**Tom**: "You were telling me the other day that you had this theory that the last 10 years of your life were a fever dream ... I yelled down the stairs, 'hey, you down there?' 'YEAH I'M DOWN HERE'. You'd just woken from a dream where the last 10 years didn't happen."

**Tim**: "It wasn't a dream! It was 45 minutes of my actual life."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "When I wake up from this dream, I'm going to do a lot of things differently."

**Tom**: "First things first, inventing the iPod."

**Tim**: "If I'm 10 years old, I can become an engineer. 10-year old Tim hasn't squandered all of his promise yet."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "Could be a coma."

**Tom**: "It's a pretty elaborate coma, I'm in here."

**Tim**: "Yeah, but like, honestly, I don't know."

**Tom**: "Are you going to argue that I'm not real?!"

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "When we were in Target the other day, I noticed you were shopping in the 'husky' section of the boys department."

\*\*\*
## References

1. ↑ https://soundcloud.com/completeguide/healthy-eating
Mele Kalikimaka

**Publisher** | Dreamspinner Press

***Mele Kalikimaka*** is a 2016 novella by B.G. Thomas and Noah Willoughby. It is part of the Dreamspinner Press 2016 Advent Calendar anthology, *Bah Humbug*.

## Description

Being rich has its advantages, but it is also rife with suffocating pressures and family telling Chandler Buckingham how to live his life. When his assistant offers to help him escape the mounting obligations of the holiday season by running away to Hawaii, Chandler jumps at the chance. Only to find nothing is quite as he’d expected.

Micah Keolu has lived in Hawaii all his life. He has to work two jobs and has little time for a social life, but his loving family and the island beauty around him have given him a heart as big as the ocean. And then one day he rescues a man trapped in an elevator in the building where Micah lives and works maintenance.

The unexpected happens as they find themselves drawn together, only to learn there is more to each other than meets the eye. Can two men from very different worlds find a way to enrich each other’s lives? Maybe the magic of the holidays just might bring them lasting joy!

## Characters

* Chandler Buckingham
* Micah Keolu
Jewel Counter For Fairy Tail

Jewels are the non-denominational unit of the monetary currency of Fiore. For comparison purposes, 100 Jewels is approximately USD$1. Jewel is used as rewards from jobs you can find more information about jobs here [1]. The more jewels you have the higher a rank you are, and the top 10 wizards with the most jewels are considered The 10 Wizard Saints.

## Jewel Counter

* Natsu Dragneel - 500 jewel

* Lucy Heartfilia - 500 jewel
* Erza Scarlet - 500 jewel
* Gray Fullbuster - 500 jewel
* Wendy Marvell - 500 jewel
* Carla Marvell - 0 jewel
* Mystogan - 0 jewel
MV Boundary

Available during **Christmas (2019)** event in **2019** (Nov 26th - Jan 14th, 2020).

Boundary was a heavy lift ship built in 1942 as Empire Elaine for the British Ministry of War Transport. During World War II, she was stationed in the Indian Ocean and also took part in two operations in the Mediterranean. In 1947, she was sold into merchant service and renamed John Lyras. She was sold again in 1970 and renamed Boundary. Boundary was scrapped in 1972.
Halloween

## Episode blurb

In this terrifying installment of TCGTE, we talk about ghosts and ghouls and skeletons and werewolves. We also discuss king size candy bars and try to figure out just what the hell nougat is. But that's not all! Listen to the end when we reveal what we're dressing up for this Halloween and talk about[...]

## Running Gags

* Batman is mentioned
* Tim only likes short movies

## Quotes

**Tim**: "If someone gave me an apple, I was rolling it under the next car I saw."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "It can be the shittiest movie ever made, but if it's 80 minutes? I'm in."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "Sometimes it's sexier when the actress does NOT take her clothes off."

**Tom**: "Not true."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "You don't tell anyone, you just check the web every day for a full moon and if it is say, 'Nope, staying in tonight, diarrhea.' And people will think, 'man that guy gets diarrhea a lot', but they won't connect it to whenever there's a full moon."

**Tom**: "Everybody knows that's the perfect alibi. I wonder how many people on death row tried to use that as an alibi. 'Did you hear what happened last night? Chad got brutally murdered. Yeah, it happened right [after] you went home with diarrhea.'"

\*\*\*
Tim: "What are you going as for Halloween?"
Tom: "Old man Batman."

**Tim**: "I'm going as Sexy Kim Jong Il."

\*\*\*
## References

1. ↑ https://soundcloud.com/completeguide/halloween
Izar Goya

**Izar Goya** is is Basque and the owner of the Basque restaurant Izar's Jatetxea (pronounced Ha-tetch-a-yah) as well as its chief chef. She and also has her own online cooking show.

She is featured in *The Boy Who Came In From The Cold*and its spin-off *Anything Could Happen*. She is described as having dark hair and pale skin.

.

.

It is Izar's online cooking show that attracts Todd Burton to see if he can become a student. She is known to be a hard-ass and throws him out. Later though, with the help of Peter Wagner, she discovers Todd is an amazing cook and she hires him. Eventually she makes him a manager of her restaurant.

When Austin, Guy and Boden are looking for Todd, they stop by Izar's restaurant to get information on his whereabouts. At first, Izar is friendly towards the men, but she when she sees Todd's picture she refuses to give them any information.
Holiday Movies

## Episode blurb

Dog Music, Spencer's Gifts 2010, Tom's War on Christmas, The Home Alone Quadrilogy, A Christmas Story, Michael Keaton's Jack Frost, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure, The Adventures of Randy Quaid and the Hollywood Star Whackers, Tim and Tom's Christmas Gift

## Running Gags

* Home alone movie/novel mentioned
* One of them has just been/is sick

## Quotes

**Tim**: "Dogs just get to laze around and listen to NPR all day and I'm sick of it."

\*\*\*
**Tom**: "Whenever I'm listening to music with a dog-"

**Tim**: "When does this happen? What are you talking about?!"

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "You can't tell me not to sing Christmas carols!"

**Tom**: "I can when it's like 4 in the morning. And you're outside my window."

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "Home Alone 2, starring the late Macaulay Culkin.."

**Tom**: "Macaulay Culkin's not dead."

**Tim**: "Really? is that what late means?"

\*\*\*
**Tim**: "Kevin has pretty good aim. I mean, I've tried to throw bricks at people from the top of buildings and I very rarely make contact."

\*\*\*
## References

1. ↑ https://soundcloud.com/completeguide/holiday-movies
Todd Burton

**Todd Burton** is a main character from *The Boy Who Came In From The Cold* and makes a minor appearance in *Anything Could Happen*.

## *Anything Could Happen*

Todd is Austin’s childhood friend from Buckman. They were very close and, as they got older, played around with each other sexually. Eventually, it led to a sexual experience together where Todd ran away after. Todd’s then-girlfriend, Joan, confided in Austin and the two became friends. Todd caught the both of them having sex and ran away to Kansas City.

Todd has a very controlling stepfather. After his own father died, his mother remarried and her whole demeanour changed.

Todd is very interested in science fiction, specifically *Star Wars,* and enjoys movies and toys. He likes cats and his stepfather allows him to own one. He has a knack for speaking without thinking. He also enjoys cooking and has a natural talent for it, aspiring to be a chef.

Todd is mentioned several times through the story but only makes an appearance at the end of story. At The Shepherd's Bean, Austin sees Todd there with his new lover, Gabe Richards. Austin and Todd agree to stay friends.
S-Class Trials

S-Class trials are trials that give Advanced Wizards a chance of becoming an S-Class Wizard! The requirements include at least 15,000 jewel, approval from your guild master, a team that ranged from 2 to 5 members, and agreement from your team. Make you that you know you may be putting your life on the line. This trial has a ton of enemy wizards and dark magic. All enemy wizards, if you wish to join into the S-Class trials as enemies, please contact an admin or one of the 10 wizard saints. Often times you will spar with another team, the victor of the spar moves to the next round. Soon there is a final round, during the final round the teams spar, the winning team is official S-Class.These trials are only held **ONCE** a month, no more.

**Next S-Class Trial**

00/00/00

Timing: 00:00

**Please contact one of the 10 wizard saints or admin for the location of the S-Class trial.**

**​Teams**

**​-**

**​-**

## **Past Teams that made S-Class**

**​-**
Weird Al

## Episode blurb

Tom and Tim discuss how this episode will not have a single topic, and then proceed to talk about Weird Al for an hour.

## Quotes

> **Tim**: "Teenagers should think I'm cool. Because you know what? Fuck you."
>
>

## References

1. ↑ https://tcgteclassicsblog.wordpress.com/rankings/
2. ↑ https://soundcloud.com/completeguide/weird-al
10 Wizard Saints

To become a member of the Ten Wizard Saints, a Mage must be granted this title by the Chairman of the Magic Council.There are different types of Mages who hold this prestigious title, though a few are known to be S-Class Mages of their respective guilds or even Guild Masters. In fact, some members of the Ten Wizard Saints do not even belong to guilds and can even be a part of the Magic Council. After the destruction of Tartaros, the Ten Wizard Saints banded together and reformed the broken Magic Council except for Makarov, who went to the Alvarez Empire to keep their impending invasion at bay. The strength of the Ten Wizard Saints is known to be so immense that they are well renowned throughout the continent. Members of the Ten Wizard Saints are exceptionally strong where a single member is able to take on scores of average Mages with ease and defeat more powerful Mages with little effort. In fact, it has been stated that if two members, current or former, were to clash in a fight, it could cause a "cataclysm". However, it has been proven that each member's strength is not on the same level.

## *10 Wizard Saints*

**- Erza Scarlet- Sacaen**

**-Lucy Heartfilia- Xtinblue**

**- Wendy Marvell- Hitachiinz**

**-Natsu Dragneel- carolina13544**

**-Gray Fullbuster- hjlee**

-Mystogan- xxdragontailxx

-Carla Marvell- musiclover23550
Wizard Ranks

## Ranks

Wizard ranks range from Pre-Wizard to S-Class Wizard. To be able to move up a rank you usual need to compeate with a team ins multiple trials and/or duels (battles). When your team decides that your all ready to move up a rank, you prepare for the next trial, tournment, or duel. For your team to get the instructions, rules, mission (or challenge or just what your doing for it), and where to go, please contact one of the 10 Wizard Saints. Some of the Wizard Saints may be compeating in the trial, tournment, or duels as well. One of the 10 members of the Wirzard Saints should be able to tell you where to meet up with your team the day of the trial, tournment, or duel. Be sure to be at least 10 minutes early to hear all the rules and etc. If your team breaks a rule, your trial, tournment, or duel is over. Theese trials, tournments, and duels held at multiple places. S-Class trials are ONLY held once a month, which makes them a huge deal. If you miss it, you must wait till next month to enter. The other tournments and duels are held more ofthen than S-Class. Please attempt to get to your next rank at your own risk. Have fun and keep safe!

## S-Class Wizard:: Next Trial, 00/00/00

S-Class Wizards are the most skilled, and powerful out of most wizards. Often times they form teams, or they do their own missions and jobs. To become an S-Class Wizard, you enter a trial. You must be an Advanced Wizard to enter. During the trial you go through multiple tasks and challenges. The two remaining teams will have a magical duel to determine who makes S-Class. Teams range from 2 to 5 members. The qualifications for the trial include, at least 15,000 jewel, approval from your guild master, a team of at least 2 members, and agreement from your team. These trials are held monthly.

## Advanced Wizard:: Next Tournment, 00/00/00

Advanced Wizards are skilled and powerful though not as powerful as S-Class Wizards. They often go on missions hoping to train hard enough to become S-Class someday. To become an Advanced Wizard, you go through magical tournaments. You must be a Wizard to enter. Many rounds are held untill there is the final round. The winning team of the final round becomes Advanced Wizards. Teams range from 2 to 5 members. These tournaments are held every 7-18 days.

## Wizard Next Trial:: Next Duel, 00/00/00

Wizards use many different types of magic. Some wizards include Ice Wizards, Fire Wizards, Water Wizards, and Earth Wizards. Those are only a few of the many different types of wizards in the magical world. To become a wizard you enter a duel. The duel is between 2 teams. Teams range from 2 to 5 members. The winner of this duel becomes a Wizard. You must have at least 3,000 jewel and a masters approval. These duels are held every 1-5 days.

## Pre-Wizard:: (everyone starts as Pre-Wizards)

Pre-Wizards are usually wizards who are beginning or still learning magic. Often times Pre-Wizards form teams of 2 to 5. They are usual wizards who have just joined a guild. After they've learned magic, they attempt and try easy jobs to start with. Soon they work their way up the ranks. You become a Pre-Wizard the moment you join a guild.
Greg

**Greg** is a minor character in *Soul of the Mummy*.

He is the ex-husband of Tucker Bradshaw. He is described as being particularly hurtful and insulting towards Tucker and cheating on him several times. It is later revealed that Greg contracted HIV from so many sexual encounters and risked Tucker’s life. Tucker eventually leaves Greg to travel to Egypt.

Greg is described as having white-blond hair and being very skinny, to the point of seeing his ribs.