Happy

## crasy

### early life

babis (born babista Nurmagomedov) was born into a jewish family in north england. however due to his fathers albanian passport they were deported, but they fucked up the delivery date so he wnt to australian, where he went to the romanian school for criminally gifted where he learnt vital skills such as pickpocketitng and car jacking .

### adult hood

he got a job at the beijin hardware department of microsoft, and was later promoted to a sales respresentative for boost. fellow employees decribed him as a colourful man with big, lucious toes. at the age of 25.382 he was engaged to hilliary van mos - a malayisan born carpet seller/ametuer kidnapper. he bought his first hiome at the age of 40.239 in a small town of albany creek in cambodia. local residents knew babis as a shit-faced homeless man in the creek but he was generally alright. hillary diviorced her child soon after and instead elected to marry them instead.

### criminal convictions

* First Offence - Came in 1997 when he first stole a car but he got 20 years for it, not realising there was a kidnapped man in the back.
* After his 7th marriage ended in brawl, he went on an attemped shoplifting spree ending in a fight with a bulgarina gang known as "john lennon 2"
* babis was quite feared in the albanuy creek area of new south whales due to his unique fighting style and his john cena vibes
* Babis became an official member of the local craft punk gang which were involved drug running, kidnapping and cartelt activities. but worst of all - pirating movies (such as the boss baby, the boss baby 2, the boss baby 3, and summer in transyllvania
* the gang was later indited on several federal crimes after trying to pirate guardians of the galaxy 2 while it was still in cincimenas, which is a class 8 federal offence in the state of califordian.
* babis was sentecned to 20 years of prison time in the fucking i dont know, emrald federal penitariby. however, he never showed up so thye assumed that he served his time at home.

### muffin rampage + death

after petitioning to the local albany creek council for 30 years, babis was finally done. he was concerned with the texture of the water, and wished for it to be filtered and strained. his then wife (maranda tayyyney) had suffered from severe foot infections/gastro instestinal pains due to the condition of the local swamp. in a rage, he entered the local bread top bakery, and began violently trying to initiate dance offs with local customers. disbled victam anthony munlentilgreen (lentil is silent) descirbed babis's innaproptiate posistioningin and body trhusts as detremential to his mentos health and caraeeer in the concrete paver industry. due to the nature of the offence, babis was sentenced to 30 years of quaranitine in the local genshin impace head office. however, in transit died in a car crash becuase "he" was only 12 and was unable to safely operate a motor vehicle.

### Racial problems

although babis was born a jewish albanian, he soon converted to romanian orthodoxy due to his enrollment in a romanian school. due to this he frequently get violent when his ancestry was mentioned due to allegations that he was not romanian. he also got into many fights with bulgarians due to his affinity for the romanian plight. he was quoted in saying "bulgarians represent the worst of society. fat lazy men who are gay also and dont do anything. Romanians are smart individuals who are only held back by the fact that we are neighbours with sill bulgarians". babis was known to define himself by his race. an example of this causing notable harm was when he was arrested for stealing lollies from kids birthday parties at laser tag, which he was known to do frequently. the arresting officer over the radio stated that he had arrested a "bulgarian male" which made babis so angry he told the officer to suck his "romanian dick".

### legacy

after his death, the locals in the albany creek area were kinda sad he died. the results of a survey monkey poll found that half of the locals liked babis cause he was part of the gang whilst the other half had been beaten up by babis and didnt like him. despite his death his legacy lives on in his only son babis 3 Nurmagomedov (babis 2 was taken). babis 3 is a well known romanian cartel member who like his father, has a large portfolio of criminal acts and hate of bulgarians

### quotes

"bitches and hoes are like new clothes once you have them you wish you didnt get them"

"dont buy shirts steal them"

"crunchy peanut butter is what makes a man"

"i have a gun"

"bulgarians represent the worst in society. they are lazy stupid and prefer to sit around and do nothing. romanians (and by extension albanians) are faithful and help their family and also have big dicks. when we look at ourselves we are proud of our history. what are bulgarians proud of but their mud huts and welfare checks"

### references

https://discovery.nationalarchives.gov.uk/details/r/C65625/babisNurmagomedov