Jugball

**Jugball** is the sixth episode of Series 3 of *Plebs*, first broadcast on ITV2 on 2 May 2016.

## Synopsis

The son, Ramases, of the owner of the office where Marcus and Stylax work visits on work experience. Before long, Flavia is fired and Marcus finds himself in charge.

## Cold Open

    Marcus, Stylax, and Grumio enter the Emporium, a posh department store, looking for free samples in the deli department, and neither the clientele nor the staff are impressed. A sales clerk, Esquilinus, intercepts them and offers his assistance; Marcus declines, saying they are just browsing.

> I'm browsing with my mouth.
>
> Grumio

Esquilinus calls for security.

## Plot Summary

    Marcus squirms in his chair at the office, complaining about its lack of back support, and Flavia's stinginess about replacing it. Stylax is distracting himself by trying to throw papyrus into Aurelius' water jug, causing it to splash in his face.

> Getting balls in your jug is the only fun part of my day.
>
> Stylax

Aurelius demands he stop, only to have Flavia enter with her usual timing. She is giving Ramases, starting his work experience, a tour of the company, starting with the 'talking turds' in the copy room. Ramases wants to play the jug game for a bit, but she presses on to the grain store, after declining Marcus' request for a better chair. They notice Ramases has an even better chair—a sedan chair.

They rush out to greet him, and learn that it is actually his dad's—Ramases crashed his own sedan chair taking it off-road. His dad's is much bigger, though, and he offers them a ride home.

They arrive at the flat and 'Rambo' is introduced to Grumio as an Egyptian.

> Oh right, yeah. Them the ones with the pointy houses?
>
> Grumio

Grumio has not prepared dinner, but Rambo offers him his dad's charge card and sedan chair to go pick up supplies.

    Grumio arrives back at the Emporium, where Esquilinus literally tries to shoo him away—until Grumio flashes the charge card, saying Ptolemy Hachmenenet, his master, has sent him on an errand. Esquilinus flips immediately from haughty to obsequious and runs off to fetch a basket—rather, a trolley—of meats for Grumio to sample.

When he returns with the spread, Marcus apologises, but Rambo waves him off, saying his dad won't even notice the money. They sample roasted mice and ask what his dad does.

> He owns, like, a shipping company and a sawmill thing and a marble… whatever it's called. Hole? … And the grain company.
>
> Rambo

Actually, he gave the grain company to Rambo, so he is the new owner. Rambo had rather preferred to work at the shipping company, but had been transferred after burning his boats there, in a literal sense.

Back at the flat, Marcus resents that the company is owned by a spoilt 16-year-old, but believes he can manipulate him to force Flavia to buy him a new chair, fix the toilets, and oil the squeaky door. Delphine adds that they should lower the price of grain, because people are starving.

> The grain companies are fucking us in the arse, and expecting us to swallow it!
>
> Delphine

Landlord greets Grumio, who is licking the salami juice from the inside of the bag from last night; Landlord declines a sample dab. Grumio realises with horror, then delight, that he still has Rambo's card. He returns to the Emporium, where Esquilinus fawns over him and suggests their speciality, seafood, like cockles, whelks, crabs, and mussels.

> Them shiny pebbles? That's food, is it?
>
> Grumio

    Back at the grain company, Rambo and Stylax and an exasperated Aurelius are deeply involved in a jug game in the foyer. Rambo suggests they should play it every day as company policy, and Marcus, whom he has nicknamed 'Professor,' unsubtly suggests other policy changes he could make. Rambo is skeptical, however, as he 'don't get any of that business-y shit' and had promised to leave it all to Flavia.

> Sorry, Prof. I promised my dad I wouldn't rock the boat. I did that at the shipping company and three people drowned.
>
> Rambo

Aurelius, realizing Rambo is not a mere intern but the owner of the company, does an about turn worthy of Esquilinus, and promises to hold the jug still.

Rambo suggests rule changes to make jugball more exciting, like adding teammates to pass to and high-five. Flavia, however, returns and chides them for playing. Rambo pushes back, and she patronizes him, suggesting he is tired and should go get a glass of milk. Rambo fires her on the spot, and announces that Marcus will be the new manager. She is surprised, but unfazed, predicting that they would beg her to return within two days. Marcus, taking Flavia's desk, finds her chair much more comfortable.

As Stylax practices with a jug at home, Marcus shows off new work clothes befitting his status to Delphine and the boys. She presses him on grain prices. The next day, he calls a staff meeting and announces the company will do better about looking after everyone, from the 'brainy boffins' in Accounts down to Lena the cleaner. Rambo also announces that everyone should come and watch the jugball game pitting Stylax and a teammate take on him and his teammate, Urbo. Stylax objects to the pairing, considering Urbo is as tall as a tree. Marcus, struggling to bring the meeting back to order, promises the company will no longer put profits before people.

Landlord finds Grumio in pain from his bad tooth, and suggests Davus could extract it—with a hammer. Grumio accepts, although he is alarmed when Davus raises the hammer.

> Do you not want to know which tooth it is first?
>
> Grumio

Grumio decides he does not need Davus' services.

Stylax tells Marcus his new policy is paying off; everyone is happy with the new management, including him, having recruited Big Paulus to be his jugball teammate. Marcus realises, too late, that Big Paulus had been guarding the grain store, and dashes over to see thieves making off with bags right in front of Flavia, who is in the area with her new dog, Rex. He glumly asks her for advice, and she tells him to make staff cuts and to increase the price of grain, options he finds unacceptable.

> So maybe get fired and buy a puppy, then. Really working for me.
>
> Flavia

Grumio and his bad tooth return to the Emporium yet again, where he asks for something soft. Esquilinus offers him caviar, which Grumio finds 'scrummy'.

    Back at the grain company, Marcus does the numbers, and finds them in distress. He calls another staff meeting to announce that due to the burglary, he will be forced to make cutbacks, and the bogs will not be repaired, nor new chairs ordered, to grumbling. Paeon observes that the burglary occurred because he allowed his mates to take Big Paulus off the job; Marcus is 'just another lying exec'. Marcus threatens to fire them all, including Lena, and they exit by the still-squeaky door to begin a march.

    The workers' protest is joined by another group of protesters, led by Delphine, demanding cheaper grain. The crowd is nonplussed to hear they are dating.

> Dump him! Dump him!
>
> Protesters

Back inside, the jugball teams have acquired uniforms, and Rambo's team has acquired cheerleaders, because he invented the game and makes the rules. Also, he has given all the cheerleaders jobs in marketing. They proceed to play.

    Suddenly, a new presence is felt—Rambo's dad, Ptolemy, who is displeased about the two protests, and about the 'geezer' strapped to a column. Rambo explains that it is jugball—a game Stylax invented. But Ptolemy is mainly upset because the Emporium had contacted him about charges on his card: 15,420 denarii, mostly on caviar. He demands the card back, at which point all realize that Grumio still has it. Ptolemy gets in his face and demands 'fuckface' give it back.

> I'd rather not, to be honest.
>
> Grumio

After a brief struggle he takes the card back, and he and Rambo depart. Grumio is struck with one of the jugball apples, knocking out his hurty tooth.

    The next day, Flavia has returned after Ptolemy made her an 'absurdly generous' offer; she had the puppy put down. Rambo, she says, has been sent to work the family vineyard, and for Marcus and Stylax, she still has jobs for them, 'big jobs'.

Marcus and Stylax are seen scrubbing the toilets, pausing for a quick break—and for a quick game of spongebucket.

## Quotes

* Stylax: For all this guy knows, we could be mega-minted poshos in disguise.
Marcus: It would be a superb disguise.
* Aurelius: I don't want your balls in my mouth!
Flavia: It might shut you up for once, water boy.
Aurelius: Sorry. He's been trying to get balls in my jug all day.
* Marcus: Is this sedan chair yours?
Ramases: It's my dad's, actually. I sort of crashed my one taking it off-road.
* Ramases: I've got my dad's charge card for the Emporium if you want to run and grab some stuff.
Grumio: Wicked. I mean, I'd rather not run but…
* Ramases: I'd much rather be working at the shipping place, to be honest. But I sort of burnt my boats there after the er… fire. So Dad moved me to grain, which is obviously super lame! But at least I met you guys.
* Delphine: I haven't eaten bread for weeks.
Marcus: I thought you were on a wheat-free diet?
Delphine: Not by choice, dickhead.
* Flavia: Why is water boy strapped to a column?
Aurelius. Water man. But yes, I completely agree, we're playing jugball.
Flavia: And I say, no. You're going to the Legal Department, where I put you.
* Aurelius: Bitey, bitey, eyes shut tighty.
* Landlord: Davus here could extract the bad tooth, if you want.
Grumio: What, really? Is he a dentist, then?
Landlord: Well, he's a dentish. He's got a hammer.
* Flavia: If you'll excuse me, I've just bought darling little Rex. I've got a busy day of stroking ahead of me.
* Esquilinus: Which style of cuisine would your master most favour today, sir?
Grumio: He's still keen on the seafood but he's after something… soft.… He's a busy man, he don't want to waste time chewing.

## Historical references

* *Ramases* and *Ptolemy* are somewhat cliché names for ancient Egyptians, but the name Ptolemy is originally Greek. Ptolemy Soter, one of Alexander the Great's generals, established himself as pharoah in 305 BC, his descendants ruling until the eve of the events of *Plebs*, with the death of Cleopatra VII in 30 BC.
* Egypt was an ancient and wealthy civilization even in ancient Roman times, its wealth derived from the agricultural bounty of the Nile Valley, which in turn supported a large and highly developed population. Under Roman rule, Aegyptus was by far the wealthiest eastern province, and Augustus and later emperors ruled there as pharoahs directly. The empire, and the city itself, depended on the grain surplus from Egypt, and from a business perspective, investing in grain distribution and shipping would be a natural for Ptolemy Hachmenenet.
* While Ancient Rome did not have charge cards in the modern sense, the economy was sophisticated, with high-quality coins for currency and complex trade and supply lines. Culturally, cash transactions were preferred.
* The transport Ramases uses is a litter, rather than a sedan chair, known as the *lectica*, which as depicted was essentially a couch with a canopy carried by four to eight slaves (*lecticarii*). It was forbidden to drive wheeled vehicles during the city during the daytime, and so the *lectica* was a reasonable alternative for the wealthy.
* Ancient Romans were known to consume dormice (not household mice), which were fattened in a special jar known as a glirarium, roasted, and dipped in honey. It was considered a highly extravagant food and became popular among the upper classes in the 1st century B.C.
* Dentistry in the era would have been influenced by Celsus, whose writing included treatments for oral hygiene, teething, and jaw fractures, but would have been quite painful; the Romans had no methods for fillings or crowns, so the only treatment for tooth decay was extraction—with pliers rather than a hammer—and the only anaesthetic available would have been wine.
* Arithmetic was difficult to do in ancient Roman times due to the use of Roman numerals and the lack of the concept of the number zero. The Romans did use the abacus, but not the type depicted on the episode, which is more similar to a Chinese abacus. The Roman abacus was a counting board of beads placed on a grooved tablet, derived from ancient Greek and Babylonian designs.

## Anachronisms

* Nothing comparable to a modern department store, with a single vendor offering multiple product lines under a single roof, existed in the ancient world. Retail transactions would have taken place in the forum, an outdoor marketplace area with many vendors. The charge card is an obvious anachronism as well.
* Jugball is an obvious analogue to basketball, invented in 1891, particularly in its modern professional American incarnation with cheerleaders and taunting ('trash-talking'). There were several ball games played in ancient Roman times, such as *follis* (which has been compared to volleyball) and *harpastum*, a throwing game, but none which are similar to basketball.
* Ancient Roman games did feature acrobatic and dance performances, but these were not tied to support of any particular competitor or team. Modern cheerleading originated with American football in the mid-19th century.

## Appearances

* Marcus (Tom Rosenthal)
* Stylax (Joel Fry)
* Grumio (Ryan Sampson)
* Esquilinus (Tim Downie)
* Aurelius (Tom Basden)
* Flavia (Doon Mackichan)
* Ramases 'Rambo' Hachmenenet (Nathan Clarke)
* Delphine (Bella Dayne)
* Landlord (Karl Theobald)
* Paeon (Kim Wall)
* Davus (Tom Davis)
* Ptolemy Hachmenenet (Tamer Hassan)

## Gallery

*→ See **70** images from Jugball at **Images from Jugball**.*

## External links

* "Jugball" at British Comedy Guide
* "Jugball" at IMDb