John Swartzwelder

Birth date:
16, 1950 (1950-11-16) (age 73)

status
140

Number of episodes:
237

Seasons active:
Seasons 1 - 23

First episode:
"Bart the General"

Most recent episode:
"Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts"

movie

 File:John Swartzwelder - Hurricane Neddy.png
**John Swartzwelder** (born November 16, 1950) is a writer for the *The Simpsons*. He is credited with writing the largest number of *Simpsons* episodes. John was one of several writers recruited to The Simpsons from the pages of George Meyer's *Army Man *magazine*.*

Beginning with the show's sixth season, Swartzwelder no longer attended rewrites with the rest of the staff, having been given special dispensation to send in his drafts from home and let the other writers revise them.

According to his longtime collaborators on *The Simpsons*, Al Jean and Mike Reiss, Swartzwelder is a huge fan of Preston Sturges films and loves "anything old-timey American." This vaguely defined aesthetic presents itself in many of the episodes he's written, in the form of wandering hobos, Prohibition-era speakeasies, carnies, 19th-century baseball players, aging Western movie stars, and Sicilian gangsters.

According to the DVD commentaries, he used to write episodes while sitting at a booth in his favorite restaurant "drinking copious amounts of coffee and smoking endless cigarettes" (Matt Groening). When the state of California passed an anti-smoking law, Swartzwelder bought a diner booth and installed it in his house, allowing him to smoke and write in peace.

He is also noted as being a staunch Libertarian, as well as a gun rights advocate and a chain smoker.

In 2004, following a short break from writing scripts, he wrote his first novel, *The Time Machine Did It* (ISBN 0-9755799-0-8). It was followed by *Double Wonderful* (ISBN 0-9755799-2-4) in 2005.

John has yet to feature in a Simpsons DVD commentary, and has refused to even acknowledge this fact on a commentary, even when offered to have a mic brought to him just to utter the word "No". On one audio commentary one of the writers pretended to be him as a joke. Swartzwelder was rumored to be doing commentary on the Season 9 DVD box set episode "The Cartridge Family". However, the extent of his participation was that the actual commentators called him on the phone to verify for the fans that he exists. The only opinion he offered on the episode was that he recalled it was a good one.

## Books

* The Time Machine Did It (2004)
* Double Wonderful (2005)
* How I Conquered Your Planet (2006)
* The Exploding Detective (2007)
* Dead Men Scare Me Stupid (2008)
* Earth vs. Everybody (2009)
* The Last Detective Alive (2010)

## Credits

### Writers

* *Episode* – "Bart the General"
* *Episode* – "The Call of the Simpsons"
* *Episode* – "Life on the Fast Lane"
* *Episode* – "The Crepes of Wrath" (with George Meyer, Sam Simon and Jon Vitti
* Template:THOH
* *Episode* – "Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish" (with Sam Simon)
* *Episode* – "Itchy & Scratchy & Marge"
* *Episode* – "Bart Gets Hit by a Car"
* *Episode* – "The War of the Simpsons"
* *Episode* – "Bart the Murderer"
* Template:THOH
* *Episode* – "Homer at the Bat"
* *Episode* – "Dog of Death"
* *Episode* – "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"
* *Episode* – "Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie"
* *Episode* – "Whacking Day"
* *Episode* – "Krusty Gets Kancelled"
* *Episode* – "Rosebud"
* *Episode* – "Homer the Vigilante"
* *Episode* – "Bart Gets Famous"
* *Episode* – "Bart Gets an Elephant"
* *Episode* – "The Boy Who Knew Too Much"
* *Episode* – "Itchy & Scratchy Land"
* *Episode* – "Homer the Great"
* *Episode* – "Bart's Comet"
* *Episode* – "Homie the Clown"
* *Episode* – "Radioactive Man"
* Template:THOH
* *Episode* – "Bart the Fink" (teleplay, story by Bob Kushall)
* *Episode* – "Homer the Smithers"
* *Episode* – "The Day the Violence Died"
* *Episode* – "You Only Move Twice"
* *Episode* – "Mountain of Madness"
* *Episode* – "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment"
* *Episode* – "The Old Man and the Lisa"
* *Episode* – "Homer's Enemy"
* *Episode* – "The Cartridge Family"
* *Episode* – "Bart Carny"
* *Episode* – "King of the Hill"
* *Episode* – "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"
* *Episode* – "Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble""
* *Episode* – "Homer to the Max"
* *Episode* – "Maximum Homerdrive"
* *Episode* – "Monty Can't Buy Me Love"
* *Episode* – "Take My Wife, Sleaze"
* *Episode* – "The Mansion Family"
* *Episode* – "Kill the Alligator and Run"
* *Episode* – "A Tale of Two Springfields"
* *Episode* – "The Computer Wore Menace Shoes"
* *Episode* – "Hungry, Hungry Homer"
* *Episode* – "Simpson Safari"
* *Episode* – "A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love"
* *Episode* – "The Lastest Gun in the West"
* *Episode* – "I Am Furious (Yellow)"
* *Episode* – "The Sweetest Apu"
* *Episode* – "The Frying Game"
* *Episode* – "Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington"
* Template:THOH
* *Episode* – "The Regina Monologues"
* – *The Simpsons Movie* (with others)

### Consultant

* *Episode* – "Another Simpsons Clip Show"
* *Episode* – "Itchy & Scratchy Land"
* *Episode* – "Sideshow Bob Roberts"
* Template:THOH
* *Episode* – "Bart's Girlfriend"
* *Episode* – "Lisa on Ice"
* *Episode* – "Homer Badman"
* *Episode* – "Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy"
* *Episode* – "Fear of Flying"
* *Episode* – "Homer the Great"
* *Episode* – "And Maggie Makes Three"
* *Episode* – "Bart's Comet"
* *Episode* – "Homie the Clown"
* *Episode* – "Bart vs. Australia"
* *Episode* – "Homer vs. Patty and Selma"
* *Episode* – "A Star Is Burns"
* *Episode* – "Lisa's Wedding"
* *Episode* – "Two Dozen and One Greyhounds"
* *Episode* – "The PTA Disbands"
* *Episode* – "'Round Springfield"
* *Episode* – "The Springfield Connection"
* *Episode* – "Lemon of Troy"
* *Episode* – "Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part One)"
* *Episode* – "Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part Two)"
* *Episode* – "Radioactive Man"
* *Episode* – "Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily"
* *Episode* – "Bart Sells His Soul"
* *Episode* – "Lisa the Vegetarian"
* Template:THOH
* *Episode* – "King-Size Homer"
* *Episode* – "Mother Simpson"
* *Episode* – "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"
* *Episode* – "The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular"
* *Episode* – "Marge Be Not Proud"
* *Episode* – "Team Homer"
* *Episode* – "Two Bad Neighbors"
* *Episode* – "Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield"
* *Episode* – "Bart the Fink"
* *Episode* – "Lisa the Iconoclast"
* *Episode* – "Homer the Smithers"
* *Episode* – "The Day the Violence Died"
* *Episode* – "A Fish Called Selma"
* *Episode* – "Bart on the Road"
* *Episode* – "22 Short Films About Springfield"
* *Episode* – "Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish""
* *Episode* – "Much Apu About Nothing"
* *Episode* – "Homerpalooza"
* *Episode* – "Summer of 4 Ft. 2"
* Template:THOH
* *Episode* – "You Only Move Twice"
* *Episode* – "The Homer They Fall"
* *Episode* – "Burns, Baby Burns"
* *Episode* – "Bart After Dark"
* *Episode* – "A Milhouse Divided"
* *Episode* – "Lisa's Date with Density"
* *Episode* – "Hurricane Neddy"
* *Episode* – "El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer"
* *Episode* – "The Springfield Files"
* *Episode* – "The Twisted World of Marge Simpson"
* *Episode* – "Mountain of Madness"
* *Episode* – "Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious"
* *Episode* – "The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show"
* *Episode* – "Homer's Phobia"
* *Episode* – "Brother from Another Series"
* *Episode* – "My Sister, My Sitter"
* *Episode* – "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment"
* *Episode* – "Grade School Confidential"
* *Episode* – "The Canine Mutiny"
* *Episode* – "The Old Man and the Lisa"
* *Episode* – "In Marge We Trust"
* *Episode* – "Homer's Enemy"
* *Episode* – "The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase"
* *Episode* – "The Secret War of Lisa Simpson"
* *Episode* – "The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson"
* *Episode* – "The Principal and the Pauper"
* *Episode* – "Lisa's Sax"
* Template:THOH
* *Episode* – "The Cartridge Family"
* *Episode* – "Bart Star"
* *Episode* – "The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons"
* *Episode* – "Lisa the Skeptic"
* *Episode* – "Realty Bites"
* *Episode* – "Miracle on Evergreen Terrace"
* *Episode* – "Bart Carny"
* *Episode* – "The Joy of Sect"
* *Episode* – "Das Bus"
* *Episode* – "The Last Temptation of Krust"
* *Episode* – "Dumbbell Indemnity"
* *Episode* – "Lisa the Simpson"
* *Episode* – "This Little Wiggy"
* *Episode* – "Simpson Tide"
* *Episode* – "The Trouble With Trillions"
* *Episode* – "Girly Edition"
* *Episode* – "Trash of the Titans"
* *Episode* – "King of the Hill"
* *Episode* – "Lost Our Lisa"
* *Episode* – "Natural Born Kissers"
* *Episode* – "Lard of the Dance"
* *Episode* – "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace"
* *Episode* – "Bart the Mother"
* Template:THOH
* *Episode* – "When You Dish Upon a Star"
* *Episode* – "D'oh-in' in the Wind"
* *Episode* – "Lisa Gets an "A""
* *Episode* – "Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble""
* *Episode* – "Viva Ned Flanders"
* *Episode* – "Pygmoelian"
* *Episode* – "Behind the Laughter"
* *Episode* – "The Computer Wore Menace Shoes"
* *Episode* – "Bart vs. Lisa vs. the Third Grade"
* *Episode* – "Large Marge"
* *Episode* – "The Bart of War"
* *Episode* – "Moe Baby Blues"
* *Episode* – "The Bart of War"
* Template:THOH
* *Episode* – "My Mother the Carjacker"
* *Episode* – "The President Wore Pearls"
* *Episode* – "The Regina Monologues"
* *Episode* – "The Fat and the Furriest"
* *Episode* – "Smart & Smarter"
* *Episode* – "Co-Dependent's Day"
* *Episode* – "The Wandering Juvie"
* *Episode* – "My Big Fat Geek Wedding"
* *Episode* – "Catch 'Em If You Can"
* *Episode* – "Simple Simpson"
* *Episode* – "The Way We Weren't"
* *Episode* – "Bart-Mangled Banner"
* *Episode* – "Fraudcast News"
* Template:THOH
* *Episode* – "All's Fair in Oven War"
* *Episode* – "Sleeping with the Enemy"
* *Episode* – "She Used to Be My Girl"
* *Episode* – "Fat Man and Little Boy"
* *Episode* – "Midnight Rx"
* *Episode* – "Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife"
* *Episode* – "Million-Dollar Abie"
* *Episode* – "Kiss Kiss, Bang Bangalore"
* *Episode* – "The Wettest Stories Ever Told"
* *Episode* – "Girls Just Want to Have Sums"
* *Episode* – "Regarding Margie"
* *Episode* – "The Monkey Suit"
* *Episode* – "Marge and Homer Turn a Couple Play"
* *Episode* – "The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and Her Homer"
* *Episode* – "Jazzy & The Pussycats"
* *Episode* – "Please Homer, Don't Hammer 'Em"
* Template:THOH
* *Episode* – "G.I. (Annoyed Grunt)"
* *Episode* – "Moe'N'a Lisa"
* *Episode* – "Ice Cream of Margie (with the Light Blue Hair)"
* *Episode* – "The Haw-Hawed Couple"
* *Episode* – "Kill Gil, Volumes I & II"
* *Episode* – "The Wife Aquatic"
* *Episode* – "Revenge Is a Dish Best Served Three Times"
* *Episode* – "Little Big Girl"
* *Episode* – "Springfield Up"
* *Episode* – "Yokel Chords"
* *Episode* – "Rome-Old and Juli-Eh"
* *Episode* – "Homerazzi"
* *Episode* – "Marge Gamer"
* *Episode* – "The Boys of Bummer"
* *Episode* – "Crook and Ladder"
* *Episode* – "Stop or My Dog Will Shoot"
* *Episode* – "24 Minutes"
* *Episode* – "You Kent Always Say What You Want"
* – *The Simpsons Movie*

* *Episode* – "He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs"
* *Episode* – "The Homer of Seville"
* *Episode* – "Midnight Towboy"
* *Episode* – "I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings"
* Template:THOH
* *Episode* – "Little Orphan Millie"
* *Episode* – "Husbands and Knives"
* *Episode* – "Funeral for a Fiend"
* *Episode* – "Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind"
* *Episode* – "E Pluribus Wiggum"
* *Episode* – "That '90s Show"
* *Episode* – "Love, Springfieldian Style"
* *Episode* – "The Debarted"
* *Episode* – "Dial "N" for Nerder"
* *Episode* – "Smoke on the Daughter"
* *Episode* – "Papa Don't Leech"
* *Episode* – "Apocalypse Cow"
* *Episode* – "Any Given Sundance"
* *Episode* – "Mona Leaves-a"
* *Episode* – "All About Lisa"
* *Episode* – "Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes"
* *Episode* – "Lost Verizon"
* *Episode* – "Double, Double, Boy in Trouble"
* Template:THOH
* *Episode* – "Dangerous Curves"
* *Episode* – "Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words"
* *Episode* – "MyPods and Boomsticks"
* *Episode* – "The Burns and the Bees"
* *Episode* – "Lisa the Drama Queen"
* *Episode* – "Take My Life, Please"
* *Episode* – "How the Test Was Won"
* *Episode* – "No Loan Again, Naturally"
* *Episode* – "Gone Maggie Gone"
* *Episode* – "In the Name of the Grandfather"
* *Episode* – "Wedding for Disaster"
* *Episode* – "Eeny Teeny Maya, Moe"
* *Episode* – "The Good, the Sad, and the Drugly"
* *Episode* – "Father Knows Worst"
* *Episode* – "Waverly Hills 9-0-2-1-D'oh"
* *Episode* – "Four Great Women and a Manicure"
* *Episode* – "Coming to Homerica"
* *Episode* – "Homer the Whopper"
* *Episode* – "Bart Gets a "Z""
* *Episode* – "The Great Wife Hope"
* Template:THOH
* *Episode* – "The Devil Wears Nada"
* *Episode* – "Pranks and Greens"
* *Episode* – "Rednecks and Broomsticks"
* *Episode* – "Oh Brother, Where Bart Thou?"
* *Episode* – "Thursdays with Abie"
* *Episode* – "Once Upon a Time in Springfield"
* *Episode* – "Million Dollar Maybe"
* *Episode* – "Boy Meets Curl"
* *Episode* – "The Color Yellow"
* *Episode* – "Postcards from the Wedge"
* *Episode* – "Stealing First Base"
* *Episode* – "The Greatest Story Ever D'ohed"
* *Episode* – "American History X-cellent"
* *Episode* – "Chief of Hearts"
* *Episode* – "The Squirt and the Whale"
* *Episode* – "To Surveil, with Love"
* *Episode* – "Moe Letter Blues"
* *Episode* – "The Bob Next Door"
* *Episode* – "Judge Me Tender"
* *Episode* – "Elementary School Musical"
* *Episode* – "Loan-a Lisa"
* *Episode* – "MoneyBart"
* Template:THOH
* *Episode* – "Lisa Simpson, This Isn't Your Life"
* *Episode* – "The Fool Monty"
* *Episode* – "How Munched Is That Birdie in the Window?"
* *Episode* – "The Fight Before Christmas"
* *Episode* – "Donnie Fatso"
* *Episode* – "Moms I'd Like to Forget"
* *Episode* – "Flaming Moe"
* *Episode* – "Homer the Father"
* *Episode* – "The Blue and the Gray"
* *Episode* – "Angry Dad: The Movie"
* *Episode* – "The Scorpion's Tale"
* *Episode* – "A Midsummer's Nice Dreams"
* *Episode* – "Love Is a Many-Strangled Thing"
* *Episode* – "The Great Simpsina"
* *Episode* – "The Real Housewives of Fat Tony"
* *Episode* – "Homer Scissorhands"
* *Episode* – "500 Keys"
* *Episode* – "The Ned-liest Catch"
* *Episode* – "The Falcon and the D'ohman"
* *Episode* – "Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts"

### Story Editor

* *Episode* – "The Crepes of Wrath"
* *Episode* – "Some Enchanted Evening"
* *Episode* – "Bart Gets an "F""
* *Episode* – "Simpson and Delilah"
* Template:THOH
* *Episode* – "Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish"
* *Episode* – "Dancin' Homer"
* *Episode* – "Dead Putting Society"
* *Episode* – "Bart vs. Thanksgiving"
* *Episode* – "Bart the Daredevil"
* *Episode* – "Itchy & Scratchy & Marge"
* *Episode* – "Bart Gets Hit by a Car"
* *Episode* – "One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish"
* *Episode* – "The Way We Was"
* *Episode* – "Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment"
* *Episode* – "Principal Charming"
* *Episode* – "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?"
* *Episode* – "Bart's Dog Gets an "F""
* *Episode* – "Old Money"
* *Episode* – "Brush with Greatness"
* *Episode* – "Lisa's Substitute"
* *Episode* – "The War of the Simpsons"
* *Episode* – "Three Men and a Comic Book"
* *Episode* – "Blood Feud"

### Producer

* *Episode* – "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"
* *Episode* – "Kamp Krusty"
* *Episode* – "A Streetcar Named Marge"
* *Episode* – "Homer the Heretic"
* *Episode* – "Lisa the Beauty Queen"
* Template:THOH
* *Episode* – "Marge Gets a Job"
* *Episode* – "New Kid on the Block"
* *Episode* – "Mr. Plow"
* *Episode* – "Lisa's First Word"
* *Episode* – "Homer's Triple Bypass"
* *Episode* – "Marge vs. the Monorail"
* *Episode* – "Selma's Choice"
* *Episode* – "Brother from the Same Planet"
* *Episode* – "I Love Lisa"
* *Episode* – "Duffless"
* *Episode* – "Last Exit to Springfield"
* *Episode* – "So It's Come To This: A Simpsons Clip Show"
* *Episode* – "The Front"
* *Episode* – "Whacking Day"
* *Episode* – "Marge in Chains"
* *Episode* – "Krusty Gets Kancelled"
* *Episode* – "Homer's Barbershop Quartet"
* *Episode* – "Cape Feare"
* *Episode* – "Homer Goes to College"
* *Episode* – "Rosebud"
* Template:THOH
* *Episode* – "Marge on the Lam"
* *Episode* – "Bart's Inner Child"
* *Episode* – "Boy-Scoutz 'N the Hood"
* *Episode* – "The Last Temptation of Homer"
* *Episode* – "$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)"
* *Episode* – "Homer the Vigilante"
* *Episode* – "Bart Gets Famous"
* *Episode* – "Homer and Apu"
* *Episode* – "Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy"
* *Episode* – "Deep Space Homer"
* *Episode* – "Homer Loves Flanders"
* *Episode* – "Bart Gets an Elephant"
* *Episode* – "Burns' Heir"
* *Episode* – "Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song"
* *Episode* – "The Boy Who Knew Too Much"
* *Episode* – "Lady Bouvier's Lover"
* *Episode* – "Secrets of a Successful Marriage"
* *Episode* – "Bart of Darkness"
* *Episode* – "Lisa's Rival"

### Co-Producer

* *Episode* – "Stark Raving Dad"
* *Episode* – "Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington"
* *Episode* – "When Flanders Failed"
* *Episode* – "Bart the Murderer"
* *Episode* – "Homer Defined"
* *Episode* – "Like Father, Like Clown"
* Template:THOH
* *Episode* – "Lisa's Pony"
* *Episode* – "Saturdays of Thunder"
* *Episode* – "Flaming Moe's"
* *Episode* – "Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk"
* *Episode* – "I Married Marge"
* *Episode* – "Radio Bart"
* *Episode* – "Lisa the Greek"
* *Episode* – "Homer Alone"
* *Episode* – "Bart the Lover"
* *Episode* – "Homer at the Bat"
* *Episode* – "Separate Vocations"
* *Episode* – "Dog of Death"
* *Episode* – "Colonel Homer"
* *Episode* – "Black Widower"
* *Episode* – "The Otto Show"
* *Episode* – "Bart's Friend Falls in Love"

### Songs written by him/Lyric by

* *Episode* – "Marge vs. the Monorail" (The Monorail Song)
* *Episode* – "Homer the Great" (We Do The Stonecutters' Song)
* *Episode* – "The Day the Violence Died" (The Amendment Song)
* – *The Simpsons Movie* (Spider Pig, Springfield Anthem)

## External links

* Template:IMDB
* Template:Wikipedialink