Zelf

Illustrated by Penflower Ink (Tom Fummo)

Zelf is a player character created and portrayed by Paul Luetkemeyer. He is an elven battle chef, carving a name for himself in the high stakes world of magical cooking. He was summoned to Shadowend by Bovil Flaskforge to form a squad with Astra Blep, Janni Brightchild, and Patty Hurts, but he brought along his apprentice Manny as well.

**General Spoiler Warning:** This page has been updated with information as of Ep 49 - My teammates are already gone. Anything after that, if any, is not on this page. **EDIT IN PROCESS! Sorry if the page looks bad during the revamp.**

## Description

Zelf is rather stereotypical for an elf: tall, narrow build, long brown hair pulled into a sloppy bun, defined features, and green eyes. He doesn't have the classic elven beauty, but has high cheekbones and a piercing stare. Zelf has resting bitch face and is always sneering, but sometimes it's a kind sneer. However, unlike stereotypical elves, Zelf is not hot. On a scale of 1-11, Zelf only rates at a 7 hotness.

Zelf is dressed like a chef at all times. He has casual cook clothes, cooking cook clothes, and fighting cook clothes (which involve extra tough and rugged materials). He wears a battle apron. When he's hungover, he puts on his sunglasses. He always wears curly-toed shoes.

To sleep, he wears Ebenezer Scrooge night clothes, complete with sleeping cap and slippers.

At the Marth by Marth dinner party, he wears a cream-colored cashmere twin set, with fur boots and a red cape over one shoulder. Each piece has interesting textures, and the whole effect is disarming.

## Backstory

Cooking is all of Zelf's emotions: he loves it and he hates it. Zelf is working on establishing himself as a chef. He is very competitive.

Zelf grew up in Mealnor and trained under the great Chairman Naga, along with fellow apprentices Bokus Dore and Gratin Dofinwa. They completed ridiculous tasks and trials for the Chairman.

The Chairman was put on trial for his food crimes, such as eating sentient beings, which Zelf seems to have unwittingly participated in. He had taken Chairman Naga’s word that plant humanoids were ethical to eat until he heard Marrow Rondeau, one of the kaelfs, speak at the trial. This was the vegetable Zelf wanted to eat the most (though it's not clear if Zelf meant kaelfs in general or Marrow specifically).

## Pre-Shadowend Events

A little over a year before the events of the podcast, Zelf's master Chairman Naga was put on trial for his food crimes thanks to Inspector Nipip's investigation. Zelf testified, as did Marrow Rondeau who was one of the kaelfs the Chairman kept.

A couple months later, Zelf competed in the Great Mealnor Bake Off along with Zephyr Zanatar, Paprika Snuffs, and Urkelf. Zelf got through two rounds before succumbing to stage fright and crawling out of the tent in disgrace, with Bokus Dore watching judgmentally.

A year before the podcast begins and a few months after the Bake Off, Zelf takes a vacation in Newhaven. At the Newhaven Grand Hotel's bar, he runs into Nipip. Nipip convinces Zelf to continue cooking outside of the Chairman's legacy. Six months later, Zelf takes on Manny as his apprentice.

## Current Events

Zelf is summoned to Shadowend to join Bovil Flaskforge's squad along with Janni Brightchild, Patty Hurts, and Astra Blep. He lists Manny in his effects and brings him along too.

In Newhaven,

In Faenalin,

In Mealnor,

He secretly conspires with Castien Grefiel (48). He somehow gets a food golem from Urkelf and pilots it (49)

In Nan Tahrum,

## Time Loops

Zelf studies Bovil's journal so that he can learn the ritual that puts things outside of time.

Zelf examines the journal and finds some spots that seem to be tampered with. There's a section where 4 pages have been removed. One passage has been heavily blacked-out. Another section seems to be someone mimicking Bovil's handwriting. With Astra's help, Zelf is able to uncover the blacked-out section and finds a record of a loop in which Gyiha picked up the journal after Bovil became a demigod. She finds the Ministry of the Fleeting Zodiac, who want to kill all demigods.

## Random Facts

* According to Paul, elves don't have to poop.
* He serves only the highest end wine, but drinks the cheapest wine he can.
* His evenings are typically spent drinking until he passes out
* He and Manny host Taco Twodays.
* He investigates things by licking them.
	+ He claims it’s okay because he’s immune to ingested poisons.

* He knows Common, Elven, Dwarven, Gnomish, Undercommon, and Sylvan.
* His birthday is on Vydobris 17, and he was born under the sign of the Haunted Picnic.

## Character Info

### Statistics

* Level: 7
* HP:

### Items

* Handy haversack
* Daredevil boots
* Improvised cookware
	+ Kitchen shears
	+ Grapefruit spoon
	+ Cast iron pan
	+ Tenderizing mallet
	+ Fork
	+ Spatula
	+ Oyster fork
	+ Oyster spoon
	+ Strawberry corer
	+ Teaspoon
* Caltrops Crunch cereal

### Feats

* Inspired strike
* Weapon finesse
* Harvest parts
* Brilliant planner

### Abilities

* Class abilities - investigator battle chef
	+ Studied combat
		- Quick study
	+ Studied strike
	+ Can make knowledge checks untrained
	+ Magical meals
	+ Inspiration
	+ Discerning palate
	+ Iron stomach: immune to ingested poisons
	+ ??? - as battle mage class, can prep spell ad hoc (ep 13)
	+ Superior recipe - ep 46
	+ Though spellbook ritual
		- twilight talon improvisation (ep 46)

### Spells / Meals

* Polypurpose panacea
* Elemental touch - cold is a sorbet, fire is just setting his hands on fire
* Heightened awareness - coffee bean / espresso shot
* Linebreaker - powerbar
* Cure light wounds - Lifesaver
* Human potential
* Acid spit - ceviche, learned from the ankheg
* Illusion of calm - cucumber salad
* Endure elements - spicy noodles
* Tears to wine
* See invisibility - learned from Naga's cookbooks
* Animal aspect
	+ Gorilla - banana
	+ Raptor - raptor (or iguana) jerky
	+ Otter
* Lesser restoration - galluvix egg or poke bowl
* Detect thoughts
* Blistering invective - spicy hot sauce
* Dream (assumed)

### Skills

* Craft: alchemy
* Disable device
* Intimidation
* Knowledge: arcana, engineering, geography, history, local, nature, nobility, planes, religion
* Linguistics
* Perception
* Profession: chef
* Sense motive
* Spellcraft
* Stealth
* Survival

## Appears In

Zelf is in nearly every episode because he is a main player character. He does not appear in episodes 28, 29, and 30.

### In person

* Ep 1 - Welcome to Shadowend
* Ep 2 - Janni Squad
* Ep 3 - Bread Map
* Ep 4 - Cartoon Ankle Noose
* Ep 5 - Garden variety zombie
* Ep 6 - Who knows who's coming back
* Ep 7 - The Dinner Party
* Ep 8 - Baby Angel
* Ep 9 - Responsibly sourced Eleflute
* Ep 10 - Fire sale at the cursed item shop
* Ep 11 - The Party of Pure Chaos
* Ep 12 - Grapes for an Eleflute
* Ep 13 - Walk with purpose
* Ep 14 - Sunk cost fallacy
* Ep 15 - Like a drowned rat
* Ep 16 - The Great Mealnor Bake Off
* Ep 17 - That's not being a bro
* Ep 18 - Reverse gore
* Ep 19 - Group snoop
* Ep 20 - I will join a sorority tomorrow
* Ep 21 - Found family plots
* Ep 22 - BCBPvP
* Ep 23 - Infernal mouths make strange bedfellows
* Ep 24 - Haunted Mutton
* Ep 25 - Infamous Blep wiles
* Ep 26 - Accidental Pervert Territory
* Ep 27 - Snoodeling
* Ep 31 - Janni-shaped container
* Ep 32 - Licking the lollipop of crime
* Ep 33 - Dentistry trigger warning
* Ep 34 - I WOULD RATHER DIE
* Ep 35 - Unusual Body Stuff
* Ep 36 - More than enough teeth for everyone
* Ep 37 - Slutty Little Vest
* Ep 38 - Sticky teamwork
* Ep 39 - For Dignity! For Justice! For RAID!
* Ep 40 - The Nine Senses
* Ep 41 - Janni confuses the crostinis
* Ep 42 - Backhand of Good Luck
* Ep 43 - What's your Rabual score?
* Ep 44 - Janni innaJ
* Ep 45 - Consequence Debt
* Ep 46 - The Black Market Boys
* Ep 47 - Manny-handling
* Ep 48 - Statistically horny for battle
* Ep 49 - My teammates are already gone

## References

1. ↑ Green eyes info via Paul in the Patreon Discord, search "green eyes"
2. ↑ Ep. 1
3. ↑ Via Paul in the Patreon Discord (search "curly toed")
4. ↑ Ep. 48
5. ↑ This was discussed in a Patreon character question before appearing in the podcast proper.
6. ↑ Ep. 40
7. ↑ Image taken from the Ep. 39 animatic, posted on the BCBP Twitter: https://twitter.com/BCBParty/status/1651602099292209153
8. ↑ Ep. 2
9. ↑ 9.0 9.1 Ep. 33
10. ↑ Ep. 16
11. ↑ Or half a year; technically a year is only 8 months in Yrisol (info via Patreon Discord) so 6 months might have been shorthand.
12. ↑ Ep. 17
13. ↑ Ep 1, 00:31:29
14. ↑ Ep. 3
15. ↑ Ep. 23
16. ↑ Patreon Preview: star sign