Nikolai IV Romanov

## Grand Duke of the Russian Empire

**Nicholas IV** or **Nikolai IV** (Russian: **Николай IV Николаевич Романов**, tr. *Nikolay IV Nikolaevich Romanov*; born 14 November 1970 in Petrograd, Russia) is a Russian Grand Duke, Jester, and pretender to the Russian Throne. Opposed to his twin brother Alexei IV Romanov, Nikolai IV claims to be the rightful Tsar on the basis that while Alexei IV left the womb before him, Nikolai was the first to have his umbilical cord severed. The brothers never got along in childhood and, after Tsar Nikolai III responded to Nikolai IV's pulverizing 1988 Grand Duke coronation speech by making him the court jester as a joke, Nikolai retreated to Ukraine where he sought to build support to overthrow his brother and secure the throne. Though Ukrainian Hetman Pavlov Kravchuk approved of Nikolai's efforts and supported his claim to the throne, Nikolai has received virtually no support within Russia. However, Nikolai III died the day of his son's departure, and Nikolai's title of Grand Duke was never stripped afterwards by Alexei, who stated, "My dad already did the jester thing, which I didn't even approve of. To take his titles from him would honestly just be petty." Alexei has also stated that he does not consider Nikolai's actions to be treasonous, and that he would welcome his brother's return to Russia with open arms. Nonetheless, Nikolai is still attempting to build support to this day.

## Early Life

Nikolai was born in Petrograd on 14 November 1970, at the same time as his fraternal twin Alexei IV Romanov: this triggered a crisis due to the primogenitor nature of the Russian Empire, as the crown is to be passed to the oldest living child of the Tsar. However, doctors recorded that Alexei was born less than a minute before Nikolai, making him the oldest child by 36 seconds. Because of this, Nikolai III, their father, groomed Alexei as heir while more or less neglecting Nikolai. From an early age, Nikolai suffered from depression, growing to be immensely jealous of his barely older brother who clearly had no interest in succeeding the throne; Alexei often teased Nikolai over his lack of succession rights, not realizing how important his position was. Spurred on by his anger and jealousy, Nikolai broke into the Petrograd Medical Institute on the 4th of March in 1985 and obtained the medical records of both himself and his brother. Reading through them, he discovered that while his brother was born shortly before him, his umbilical cord was the first to be severed. Nikolai decided to save this information for a time it would be useful rather than exposing it while he was still virtually powerless. Nikolai III noted in his memoirs that it was between his son's 15th and 18th birthday that he seemed most happy, with his depressive symptoms "virtually vanishing overnight one day in March".

## Coronation

Nikolai was coronated Grand Duke - a title reserved for the Tsar's non-inheriting sons - on his 18th birthday in 1988. It was at the end of his acceptance speech that he announced his discoveries from three years prior:

> "*Boys and girls, it is as I don my crown that I wish to inform you of a discovery which will forever change the political landscape of the Russian Empire, and the lives of its constituents, from now until the end of time. The Tsararevich, Alexei IV, is not the man you believe him to be.*
>
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> "*As I am sure you are all aware, my brother and I were born on the same day, but the lying, thieving turkey came out of my mom's stomach first, so everyone said he should be the legal successor. But alas! Three years ago, I accidentally wandered into the Petrograd Medical Institute where my brother and I were born, and I slipped on this paper on the floor* [Nikolai holds up a thick manila folder crammed with papers]*. When I picked it up and read it, I was shocked! It was our medical record, and it stated very clearly that my umbilical cord was severed first, before my brother's. Now, I ask you this: was he truly born first if he was attached to and dependent on our mother longer than I was? Ask yourself that question. Get back to me in a few days. You'll all see."*
>
>

The crowd erupted into chaos, with some jeering loudly and others cheering in approval. Nikolai threw his glass of water into the crowd before fleeing the scene with his crown tucked under his arm in the famous Heisman football pose. It took police roughly ten minutes to restore order.

### Reaction

The story immediately broke headlines all throughout the world, as many believed Nikolai's claim to be a fair legal challenge to Alexei's legitimacy as Tsarevich. However, Alexei IV reported that he didn't feel threatened, and stated that while he loved his brother, he was "too temperamental to hold the title of Tsar, even though he really wants it". His father, however, responded much more cruelly, referring to Nikolai as a "real clown" and "utter disappointment". A week later, he made Nikolai IV the official court jester of the Russian Empire and forced him to perform all manners of humiliating acts; this would be Nikolai III's last act as Tsar, as he died a little over a month later on New Year's Day.

## Court Jester

On 21 November 1988, Nikolai IV was made the official court jester of the Russian Empire by his father, Nikolai III. Though Nikolai IV stated his experience as court jester was "Really kinda fun," he also said it was "Extremely degrading," adding, "It takes a lot to degrade a man as great as I, but boy, did it do the trick."

While jester, Nikolai III performed a variety of acts, many of them degrading or dangerous. Among these were the "flaming cactus juggle", "eaten by a pig", "thirteen Pope maneuver", "ingrown beard", and "intestinal yo-yo". Nikolai IV was also frequently abused by other members of the Tsarist court, and often by foreign diplomats or leaders as well - one such instance was when English politician Randolph Churchill II called Nikolai a "queer little thing" before having the King's Guard assault him with bayonets. Nikolai was also paid next to nothing, and rarely compensated for the vast medical bills he incurred while, on Tsar Nikolai III's demand, performing dangerous tricks he'd never heard of or practiced.

## Flight to Ukraine

Enraged by his mistreatment and no longer able to tolerate his position, Nikolai IV had plotted his to flee the Russian Empire and head south towards the Ukrainian Hetmanate to seek assistance from Hetman Pavlov Kravchuk, who had previously expressed sympathies for Nikolai's position and who had stood up against foreign influence from Nikolai III's regime in previous years. However, at midnight on January 1 1989, Nikolai III unexpectedly died when his brain fell out of his head, which had somehow been opened during New Year festivities. Though conspiracy theories holding Nikolai IV responsible for his father's death exist to this day, they are widely dismissed by historians and are even rejected by the Russian Tsarist government: Alexei IV has stated, "In all honesty, there's not much to it. My dad's brain fell out of his head. Let bygones be bygones. Nikolai IV didn't take his brain out or anything, that's just... unheard of."

Seeing the Tsar's death as his opportunity to escape, Nikolai - still in his jester costume as he was performing for New Year party guests - snuck out of the Winter Palace at roughly 1:25 A.M. from an open back door and quietly moved around the exterior wall, being stopped by two guards during his departure from the palace grounds. Just as the guards let him by, three more guards emerged stating, "The late Tsar has fallen dead! Don't let the jester leave!"

   Immediately, Nikolai broke into a sprint, still in his jester costume which included a pretend pig around his lower body, hindering his movement. He was tailed by over twelve Tsarist guards and officials, who pursued him deep into Petrograd, where he disappeared after climbing down an open manhole and into the sewers. News of Nikolai's escape was reported to Petrograd officials, who created and distributed *Wanted* posters across the city as well as relayed Nikolai's whereabouts throughout the entire country's police force.

Nikolai was not spotted until four days later, when Cossack border patrol guard Pyotr Kuznetsov reported over telephone to Petrograd officials that "a disgruntled, bearded man in a jester costume and pig thing just somehow sprinted across the border into Ukraine." Ukrainian border police then refused to return the escaped Nikolai, instead escorting him to a nearby train station, which was evacuted before their arrival. Once there, they transported him by railroad to the Hetmanate's government capitol in Kiev on orders from Hetman Pavlov Kravchuk; once there, he was photographed entering the building, where he was not heard from for an eleven day period. Against the new and uncoronated Tsar Alexei IV's wishes, several aggressive demands were made to the Ukrainian government by the Russian embassy, escalating to an implied threat of invasion. Despite this, Kravchuk was unphased and did not capitulate to Russian demands to return Nikolai.