Kool aid man vs coca cola man

kool aid man was voiced by tom schalk and coca cola man was voiced by james bailey

### interlude

boomstick: he's wiz and i'm boomstick

wiz: and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a death battle

the monitor shows an incoming call from exard cartoon flix

Boomstick: hey it's fakya

he answers the call wiz is visibly upset

exard cartoon flix: boomstick pal you'll never believe this I found your dad

wiz and boomstick got shocked

boomstick: DAD?!

#### intro of the analysis epilogue

exard cartoon flix: ok I think your daddy's around here somewhere i got a tip from a guy uh he's wearing red

wiz: wait his dad or your guy ah who cares boomstick doesn't need this

(\*kool aid man burst through the trees\*)

kool aid man: OH YEAH! hey you mind if i drop in

exard cartoon flix: oh kool aid man!

boomstick saw kool aid man's red juice insides

Boomstick: dad!

Wiz and exard cartoon flix: what!

### kool aid man

(motor city)

Wiz: that's no kool aid man never had any children

Boomstick: hey who knows

kool aid man: i can obliterate gates, trees including that wall made out of metal

Wiz: yes... you really are a giant jug

kool aid man: oh yeah

Wiz: please listen closely that sugary monster with no respect for solid structures is more than just a five cent mascot

Boomstick: damn right he's a frigging superhero once upon a time he was just a simple pitcher with a smiley face but then the thirsties attacked threatening the balance between hydration and drought achieving intelligence and mobility unheard of for glassware only kool aid dad possesses the power the skill and the sheer liquid magnitude to battle this alien force that's right my dad fights to save the world from thirst itself this is real

wiz: stands over 6 feet tall and weighs 7 tons kool aid man defeated millions of thirts and he is also friends to children

Boomstick: yup even in a vacuum, he's golden just like that golden nectar flavor, right you remember that just looked like a bucket of piss

kool aid man: oh yeah? do that really match my manly physique

Wiz: So it's safe to say the kool Aid Man is surprisingly powerful he's super strong and can seemingly break through any wall, be it wood, brick, steel, concrete or even spaceship hulls. Yet his true power is far more esoteric. He can teleport himself and others in an instant, enlarge to kaiju proportions, and summon walls out of thin air

Boomstick: but wiz let's ask the real question Is my father the glass pitcher or the juice inside like where is his soul

Wiz: Well, we have seen him exist solely as a pitcher before adding kool aid mix but officially, he's both, which is important as he can always summon more Kool Aid

Boomstick: that's cool I guess but why would he even need more

Wiz: Because the Kool-Aid Man is an unexplainable, high-fructose corn syrup eldritch deity that possesses complete omnipotent control over all things Kool-Aid. He can control it telekinetically, use it to create portals to his own Kool-Aid dimension, launch himself or others fast enough to spin the moon, and even manipulate matter, such as when he twisted these mountains into Kool-Aid. 497 sextillions joules! For a little perspective, that's only about five times less than the energy output every second by the sun Which he broke by the way

boomstick: kool aid man possesses full control over all kool aid It was important to confirm that his existence is both of the pitcher and the liquid inside as that means so long as kool aid exists nearby kool aid dad has life and thanks to his magic!

(\*kool aid man burst through the gates\*)

kool aid man: OH YEAH!

#### middle of the analysis epilogue

(\*coca cola man burst through a wall behind everybody\*)

coca cola man: OH YEAH! wha uh crud beautiful day

wiz: Oh No!

kool aid man and coca cola man: oh yeah!

### coca cola man

(always coca cola)

Wiz: you see not much is known about the coca cola man about where he came from he's human

Boomstick: he just appeared one day, covered in aluminum armour and wielding a can of coca cola in his hand

Wiz: why he came we don't know but the world is much happier with him than without him

Boomstick: Whenever somebody is in trouble, he comes to help with coca cola in hand

Wiz: He is a force of good and like any other superhero he has awesome super-powers

boomstick: can jump over trucks

wiz: he can sprint city blocks in a short amount of time

boomstick: he also can defeated a stampede of rampaging bulls

wiz: he also crash into windows without gotten hurt

coca cola man: i can obliterate that pepsi soda at a fringing 11 thousand pounds i'm an unstoppable force of nature that piss pepsi man off if you know what i mean

boomstick: With all of this talk you know that we're not sponsored!

coca cola man: eh i got scumbag

(\*coca cola man put the coca cola on the table\*)

coca cola man: aleyo

### let the fight begin

wiz: alright the combatants let's end this debate once and for all

boomstick: it's time for a death battle

### the fight

kool aid man: oh yeah!

coca cola man: Oh Yeah!

(red big guys)

boomstick: get him dad!

annoncer: fight!

both kool aid man and coca cola man get into a fight kool aid man cockily intercepts coca cola man by grab his hand by right after he trying to hit him by punch his face

coca cola man: YOU GOT SUPER STRENGTH!!! so do i

coca cola man pick up his 7 ton opponent and throw him at millions of trees

coca cola man: why that's no wonder you weight 11 thousand pounds!

coca cola man: what the heck-

kool aid man: Oh Yeah!

coca cola man: dah!

kool aid man fires to the red man with a firey elbow drop causing a lightning like giant explosion with his descent

Boomstick: you see what i mean your just jealous of how awesome my dad is wiz did you know that this kool aid dad's liquids can raise plants and heal the dead!

coca cola man: hey how did the plants get so big?

boomstick: well yeah not that big of a stretch kool aid dad once turned the entire world into kool aid

wiz: yes right look he's not... ah listen boomstick coca cola man is like nothing he's ever fought that soda abomination can obliterate that pepsi soda at 11 thousand pounds he is an unstoppable force of nature

kool-aid man: OH NO saber tooth cats!!!

exard cartoon flix: oh come on pal your dad's got this

boomstick: Oh Yeah!!!

wiz: UGH, Forget It!

kool aid man: OH YEAH!!!

kool aid man: does someone say thirsty! hahaha! oh yeah-

kool aid man: Oh No!

kool aid man gets obliterated by coca cola man as all of the body parts of kool aid man fall on the floor boomstick *saw it all and runs towards his fallen dad*

boomstick: Kool Aid Man! Noooo!

kool aid man: i'm not your father kid mph blah

wiz: hey wait a minute! if he's not your dad but your dad is here and in red and that also means

coca cola man peed at kool aid man's corpes then glances at boomstick

coca cola man: what?

boomstick: oh my god

### results

wiz: alright, the winner is coca cola man, obviously

#### outro of the analysis epilogue

boomstick: (\*panic like tantor\*) THE HORROR! IT'S GRUSOME IT'S TERRIBLE i'm the spawn of soda and fizzy drinks

Wiz: ok i found your tip guy

(\*a green tornado appears\*)

the mask: it's was i the mask smokin!!!

exard cartoon flix: hey you have you seen his father?

the mask: hey my face is green also i'm wearing yellow just like i promised you wouldn't have come if you knew it was me right over all I'm only 1 of the world famous masked pest dang that handbone

Boomstick: oh! 1 last time where is my father

the mask: and ask for your daddy oh no idea but my boy kool aid knows so you can just ask

(\*he saw kool aid's dead body\*)

the mask: oh yeah... i gotta do a thing so um bye

(\*the mask escapes\*)

boomstick: wiz what the hell is happening!

#### post credits

sarge: wait a davey crockett minute that boy sounds familiar, great zeus's juices!!! did i have a son!

(\*sarge walk towards momma boomstick's trailer sarge nervously knocks the door only to be met by a shotgun blast from momma boomstick\*)

momma boomstick: sh\*t, thought it was them goddamn squirrels! is that you sarge?

sarge: honey bat?!

momma boomstick goes ahead and hugs her husband

sarge: i i thought our son was here-

momma boomstick: so did i julybug So did i but i reckon i learned something you can't worry much about what you hope for cause then you might miss the way things turn out like how you got a lot of real good friends here helping you

(\*the red team and the blue team put all of it's thumbs up at sarge while phase wave at momma boomstick\*)

sarge: i guess you can't always get what you want

momma boomstick: but you just might find what you need

(\*sarge wipes a tear from his eye\*)

sarge: thanks honey bat

momma boomstick: now get off my lawn boy those goddamn squirrels ain't gonna hunt themselves

(\*sarge and his wife laugh as he and his friends run away from her shotgun\*)