Cookie's Kitchen 1: Honey Glazed Chili Chicken

Honey Glazed Chili Chicken & Egg Fried Rice

**Marinade:**

1lb or roughly .5kg Chicken Thighs or Breast

1 tbsp Chili powder

1 tbsp Chili crisp or 1tbsp chili oil

1 tbsp Sesame Oil

3 tbsp Soy Sauce

1 tsp Minced Garlic or Garlic Powder

.5 tsp Worcestershire Sauce

**Glaze:**

4-6 tbsp Honey

3 tbsp Soy Sauce

1 tbsp chili Powder

2 tsp Mirin or 2 tsp rice vinegar + 1tsp sugar

1 tbsp chili Crisp or 1 tbsp chili oil

1 tbsp Sesame Oil

**Misc Ingredients:**

Green Onion (Optional)

Sesame Seeds (Optional)

2 Eggs (Can make do without, but not really ideal, still tasty)

Rice (Not going to do much without it)

Other Veggies to put into rice (Optional)

“Welcome to Cookie’s Kitchen! Where I share the best recipes I’ve discovered in my travels across human space. My name is Cookie and this week’s recipe is one of the very first I tried on Earth. Today I bring you honey-glazed chili chicken with egg fried rice!” A dlamisan’s fierce-looking K-9 form fills the screen, an unlit cigar hanging from the corner of his muzzle shifting as he speaks while standing behind a large metal countertop.

“My kitchen this week is none other than the galley of the Red Spark, the greatest vessel to ever sail the void!” Cookie huffs in the dlamisan equivalent of laughter. “Now I’ve got a lot of hungry pirates to feed, so let's get cooking!”

Cookie reaches under the countertop and begins pulling out bottles of sauces, spices, and oils. Each one he places gently as if they were prized possessions before looking back up into the camera. “The first step is to make the marinade for our chicken. Since I’m cooking for well over a hundred I’ll be using a much larger amount of the ingredients than you at home. You folks should follow this ingredient guide,” he points above his head at a list of ingredients flashing there thanks to the magic of editing. (See marinade ingredients at top of the post.)

The words disappear when Cookie places a large metal bowl on the counter while continuing his tutorial, “The marinade is pretty simple to assemble. Once you have a large mixing bowl you should begin by adding your water-soluble ingredients,” Cookie says as he begins to measure out the soy and Worcestershire sauce, mixing them together in the bowl.

“Next up is your garlic and chili. Don’t be afraid to take it slow and try it as you go. Everyone likes different levels of spice in their food. I won’t take offense if you do things a little differently, Cookie winks at the camera, while dipping a spoon into the sauce, sampling his creation. Once the spoon met his tongue Cookie’s tail began to wag in joy. “Perfect!” He claps his paws together, “Now, let's finish this off with a little sesame oil, and then we can move on to the chicken.”

Cookie drizzles some oil into the bowl before setting it off to the side while he turns to the fridge behind him. With a grunt, he pulls out a cutting board piled high with chicken thighs. Placing it on the counter with a thud he looks back into the camera, launching into another explanation, “Whether you choose breast or thigh meat is really a matter of personal preference. Personally, the crew and I prefer thighs, though this still tastes wonderful with any other cut. Either way, the first thing you’re going to want to do is tenderize your meat. Now I didn’t want to subject you to watching me pound my meat for an hour, so I did this preparation before recording.” Cookie says, huffing, his tail wagging behind him.

Reaching over to a block beside him Cookie pulls out a large chef’s knife, setting to work chopping the chicken into bite-sized pieces and throwing the finished cuts into the marinade bowl. He hummed while working, eventually looking back to the camera as he continued chopping blind, showing his skill with the knife. “Now I know what many of you are thinking, ‘Cookie, you have such sharp claws, why are you using a knife to cut the chicken?’” he says, raising the pitch of his voice obviously poking fun at some comments he had received in the past, before continuing in his normal voice. “Firstly I’m a dlamisan, not a leonid. I don’t have the urge to go poke my claws into everything fleshy for no reason at all. Secondly, I don't want to be picking raw chicken out from between my paws for the next few days, not exactly sanitary,” Cookie says sticking out his long tongue in disgust.

It doesn’t take him long to finish chopping the chicken and putting it in the marinade bowl. He covers it, setting it in the fridge before washing his paws while speaking over his shoulder at the camera, “You’re going to want to marinate that for at least an hour, ideally over several hours, but I can’t ever wait that long.” Turning back to the counter cookie dons a pink apron pulled from the seemingly bottomless pit beneath the countertop. “Alright, while that marinates I’m going to start cooking the rice. Usually, you want about 2 cups of rice for every pound of chicken or 500g of rice for every 250g of chicken. Honestly, this comes down to how much rice you have and how much you think you can eat. Add more rice to stretch out the food for a few extra days if need be. It’s helped us here on long voyages when we had to ration,” Cookie states while pouring a large bag of rice into a machine of some sort. “Wonderful, with all that sorted it’s now time to wait!” Cookie comments, pulling out a stool and leaning back while closing his eyes.

The video speeds up as time passes. After 30 seconds of time-lapse, the camera returns to normal when a human in a white apron carrying a six-pack of bottles enters the frame. He gives the bottles to the chef who in turn reaches down below the counter, handing the human a cigar similar to the one still in his mouth. They shake hand in paw and the human walks away with a smile on his face as the camera speeds up again.

After another 40 seconds of timelapse wherein Cookie downs half of the brown bottles, seeming to fall asleep after the third, the camera slows again as another dlamisan enters the frame. This one has a coat as yellow as the star that hangs over Earth and appears to be trying to creep past the sleeping chef toward the pantry behind him. Slipping through the door of the pantry the camera picks up a quiet rustling as cans and bottles are moved while the invader searches for her prize. Suddenly, silence. She’s found it. Out of the pantry, she creeps, a jar of peanut butter in her paw.

Carefully she twists the top off and places it on the nearby counter. Bringing the open jar to her nose the microphone picks up a deep inhale as the thief relishes in the success of her heist. It was just as the smell hit her nostrils that her tail began to wag. It wagged so hard and so fast that it connected with the discarded lid of the jar, sending it flying across the room straight into the back of the sleeping chef’s head. The panic on the thief’s face was visible as she watched Cookie wake from his nap. With only fractions of a second to make her choice she put the jar in her mouth and dropped to all fours, making a break for the exit.

Cookie standing up from his stool grabbed a wooden spoon from under the counter and gave chase. Both quickly leave the frame, but again the microphone is there to lend hints to the goings on. There’s the uniquely horrifying sound of a wooden spoon making contact with something, followed quickly by a pitiful whine as Cookie can be heard cursing in English at the would-be thief. Returning with the jar of peanut butter Cookie caps it and places it under the countertop before closing his eyes again.

The last 10 seconds of the time-lapse are brought to a close as a timer reaches zero, sending a little bell ringing, waking the sleeping chef. Cookie stretches before standing and tying his pink apron. Looking at the camera he resumes his tutorial, “That’s the chicken timer. Time to break out the big pan and get to work,” Cookie says as he cracks his knuckles. Opening the fridge he brings out the marinating chicken, setting it on the countertop. Once completed Cookie reaches back under the countertop, pulling out a large wok. Turning to the camera Cookie explains his choice, “Now usually I don’t use this. It’s a bit unwieldy, but it works wonderfully here, if you don’t have one that’s totally fine, any big pan will do. I’m going to set this to heat at medium-high with a little bit of cooking oil, and while that warms we’ll make the glaze.”

Cookie pulls another bowl out from under the counter, this one much smaller than the last. He also brings out several more bottles and jars containing spices. Placing them in a line in front of the bowl in view of the camera. “Alright, now these are the ingredients for the glaze. Again, I’m cooking for a small army, so please don’t follow my steps exactly or you’re going to have to feed the block so your food doesn’t go bad early.” Cookie says pointing at the various ingredients, below which are flashing numbers indicating how much of each to use for the standard recipe. (See Glaze Recipe At Top Of Post)

It doesn’t take him long to mix the ingredients to his satisfaction. Grabbing the camera he points it into the bowl and describes the important parts of the glaze, “You see how the honey thickened the glaze? It sticks to my whisk almost like thin glue. That’s exactly what you’re looking for. The oils in the glaze don’t have to be perfectly mixed in. They do like to separate out and that’s ok. Oh and don’t forget to taste as you add the spices!” Cookie exclaims excitedly.

Turning from his glaze to the wok on the stovetop Cookie begins to add the chicken pieces and the marinade. Once everything is in the wok he grabs the camera, pointing it at the stove so the viewer has a clear view into the pan as the chicken cooks. “Now that we’ve got the chicken cooking in the wok we’ve got to keep it moving. Can’t let it sit in one place for too long or it might burn. Don’t worry about getting tired, this shouldn’t take too long to cook. About 7-10 minutes should do the trick for normal portion sizes,” Cookie explains.

Flames jump from the pan as the chef sets to work. Chicken pieces fly into the air, landing perfectly back into the pan from which they tried to escape. Cookie’s tail is like a metronome, wagging in perfect sync with the movements of the pan. His concentration is absolute and his joy is almost palpable as he dances to a beat known to him alone.

Another little kitchen timer goes off and Cookie grabs the wok, turning toward the camera. The cigar in his mouth lit by the fire of the stove puffed smoke as he panted, seeming absolutely giddy about the food. Pouring the chicken out of the wok and into a large clean bowl for temporary storage Cookie grabs a piece juggling it between his paws trying not to burn himself before ripping it in half to check if it’s cooked through. Apparently satisfied he tossed the pieces into his mouth, chomping happily.

Reaching over to the machine he put the rice in earlier Cookie pulled out a large pan of perfectly cooked rice. Huffing in amusement he looks into the camera. “Rice makers, one of the best damn things humans ever invented. I swear if I could fit one in my pocket I’d take it everywhere,” He says, patting the top of the machine like a house pet.

Hefting the rice he begins scooping it into the wok and is rewarded with a beautiful sizzling noise as the rice lands in what’s left of the marinade. Once all the rice was in the wok Cookie made a shallow pit in the middle and began cracking eggs. “Once you’ve got all your rice in the pan and broken up so it’s not too clumpy make yourself a little volcano in the middle and crack your eggs into it. Once you’ve done that mix it as quickly as you can. You want the eggs to spread completely throughout the rice giving it a nice even texture. When the eggs have been mixed in then you add your chicken back into the rice followed by your glaze. Give it a good mixing on high heat for a minute or two and just like that, you’re done!” Cookie exclaimed pulling the wok from the heat and setting it aside to cool.

“The last thing to work on is plating. If you’re picky like me then throw on some chopped green onions and sesame seeds, it adds a nice flavor and aesthetic to the finished product. You also have the option to finish it with a little sriracha hot sauce on top if you’re feeling especially daring,” Cookie says while adding the final touches to four plates which he places on the other side of the counter from himself.

Cookie moves the camera to the end of the counter, so it has a full view of the four plates on one side and the chef on the other. He then sits down on his stool, waiting for something. Fortunately, he didn’t have to wait for long as suddenly three new dlamisans and the human from before come wandering in, greeting the chef with hugs, showering their praises on him based on the smell of the food alone. Cookie sits them down in front of their respective plates and takes his place on the other side of the counter watching his guests anxiously.

The guests pick up the forks, blowing on the hot food before tentatively trying it. Poor Cookie is a nervous wreck, the large dlamisan sucking down his cigar like a man in front of the firing squad waiting for their reactions. Suddenly one of the Dlamisans set down their fork and for a brief moment Cookie was crestfallen thinking they didn’t like it. That crushing sadness was immediately replaced with joy as the fork foregoing dlamisan dove muzzle first into the plate, demolishing the food in mere seconds letting not even a single grain of rice escape.

The other guests were not far behind, quickly returning empty plates to the increasingly happy chef. Standing from his stool, he thanked them all before sending them on their way. Finally turning to the camera he begins his goodbye to the viewers, “Well folks, that’s all for Cookie’s Kitchen! I don’t know where I’ll be next week, but I’m sure I’ll have something delicious to share with you. Until then, keep spreading the joy of food, and don’t forget to wash the dishes!”