Tzeentch

*"Everything you'll read here may or may be not true*

(pause)...(pause)

*OR IS IT?"*

- **Tzeentch**

Thats him...oh no nevermind he changed (it) again

### Aliases

mistertzeentch, changer of ways, the master plotter, architect of fate, many more

## Biographical information

### Date of birth

since he is an old chaos god and time is relative in the warp....at the beginning of the universe AND not at all

## Introduction

Tzeentch is a Chaos God and keeper of wisdom and infos at 9GAG. As the architect of fate and god of wisdom he knows nearly about every one who happens to find his way into the warhammersection. Much like one of nurgles plague-herolds he keeps a list, but not about the diseases but on persons that hapen to stumble in his way.

Also he is in an open relationship with Slaanesh.

His character is based on the Emperor from ***If the Emperor had a Text to Speech Device*** (TTS).

## Description

He has manifested himself under various forms in various occasions, every incarnation beeing (sometimes only slightly) different in form and appearance.

In many ways, Tzeentch is both the best and least understood of the Dark Gods. He is the God of Fate, plots, and schemes, as well as the God that exemplifies the ever-changing nature of the Warp. However, Tzeentch does not plot towards some end (at least none that can be comprehended); he schemes simply to scheme.

He tends to change his form A LOT and on the discord he can never be seen several weeks with the same appearance, only on some important occasions he stays a bit in his current form (for example sanguinala because he likes the hat).

## History

Born in the warp little is known about his creation.

Howerver since his creation he was always planning and plotting.

## Notable Events

Participated in the early crusades of 9gag. (member of several waves of posts)

Therefore was there since the section started.

Helped the emperor defeating the imposter emperors and fallen shards of his soul.

Participated in the great purge of the 9gag warhammer section.

Together with Magnus(and some others) prevented the try of a fortnite crusade, so the 9gag section wouldnt be closed.

Planned the Slaanesh-emperor twist and helped Slaanesh disguising and meeting the emperor at the Warp-party, so she would sleep with the Emperor.(Yet failed because begone thot).

Me and Slaanesh had sex once and it created a magical race of new eldar more powerful and advanced than regular eldar.

## Allies, Enemies and other Affiliations

Since everyone is working for him and his plans(just as planned) this list covers allies(people he likes most of the time), enemies(people he hates most of the time) and people he dont speaks of(people who dont do things just as planned)

### Notable Allies(people he likes most of the time)

* Whiteshadows(one of his favorite sorcerers)
* the Alpha Legion!?
* the Emperor of mankind
* Slaaneshmisar
* Dorn
* Leman Russ(easy target for shittalk)
* Vulkan(ofc because disliking him is impossible)
* Corax
* Carlthecarnifex(everbody likes him)
* Slaanesh(yes you read that right, nerds score the hot chick kekekekekeke)
* Cegorach
* all Changelings
* Asmodai
* Eveliath
* Sindri Myr
* the Nids(all of them)
* Talinoc
* Magnus
* the thousand son legion
* the space marine chapters "the scourged" and "the oracle of change"(for more info look at notable bamboozles)
* Mortarion

### Notable Enemies(people he hates most of the time)

* The alpha Legion!???
* also the Emperor of mankind
* Nurgle
* IT IS HIM CATO SICARIUS
* the fucking furry legion
* Trazyn

### People he dont speaks of(NOT AS PLANNED)

* Cypher
* The deceiver
* Creed
* Yssarile(THATS why you never heard of him before)
* a little girl with a black dog(no one gets through his pathway of 9 gates, NO ONE)

## Skills

Plotting, planning, preparation(s), organization, forethought, designing, drafting, working out, setting up, groundwork, scheming, arranging, organizing, laying, hatching, concocting, devising, framing, thinking up, conceiving, conspiring, participating in a conspiracies, intriguing, colluding, conniving, manoeuvring and complotting.

## Notable bamboozles

* created the scourged(granted them to wish to know if someone lies(needless to say SOMEONE meant EVERYONE, so millions of voices in their head, ergo MASSIVE SPACE MARINE MADNESS!))

* created the oracle of change(space marines who went into the warp to die fighting who survived and came back CHAOTIC)
* that one time Magnus broke the psi wall(totally not a wrong thing to do)
* helping the Emperor to get the wisdom he needed to create the primarchs
* then abduct said primarchs(ultimatly resulting in the HH)
* introduced himself as mistertzeentch on the discord but everyone forgot it the weeks after
* And the following(everything that has to do with changelings basicly):

1. retreat of Macharius forces on Goranna
2. warboss Gitsmasher's death(via explosion because of sabotage)
3. ending a siege of an imperial world(dont trust keeper of secrets! in fact dont trust anyone who could be a changeling)
4. cutting Slaaneshs hair
5. making a loud noise and a nurgly mess on khornes throne(needless to say khorne was angry)
6. siege of the fenris system(a big battle wulves vs dark angels(LOYAL dark angels))

* basicly creating psychic sorcery in realspace in the first place(that one was an "accident" in the chaos god war tho.....or was it?)

## Statements

*JUST AS PLANNED... ALWAYS AS PLANNED... NEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE... LOL*!

- **The Word of Tzeentch on just about any Misfortune you encounter**

*What are rules really, though?*

- **Tzeentch from If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device**

*"In the midst of Chaos, there is also opportunity."*

– **Sun Tzu**

*"The least hated Chaos god....or maybe the most"*

– **a certain Sanguinor Guard**

*"HE IS THE WORST EVER WORSE THAN FUCKING HORUS AND WORSE THAN FUCKING EREBUS"*

– **The emperor of mankind**

"GODDAMN THIS NERD SURE CAN BANG"

– **Slaanesh**

## "Teamworks" with Slaanesh

Since he and Slaanesh are in an open relationship they both created some.....interesting, or to be more exact controversal things. Also some of their demons share similarities of things the other chaos god represents. Only some examples are (kinda) female lords of change, Nerdmonettes, Reasonable Deamonettes etc. etc.(Basicly a lot involving boobs, books, temptation and wisdom). Fact, Tzeentch is the only one who can survive Slaanesh in the sack and still have his eldtric being intact of all its mystic wholeness without getting hyper stds, the god of magic always gives the goddess of sex as much she got.