B023 QoA x NeoScum: Fingering the Bone Throne

> "*Did a man with a skull like head tell you to come here and get some soul coins?*"
> ― Fox E Kim
>
>

**QoA x NeoScum: Fingering the Bone Throne** is the twenty third Bonus Episode of Queens of Adventure, released to financial backers. It is the second of two crossovers with the cast of NeoScum, where five strangers wake up in Avernus and must find a way to pay for their way home.

## Synopsis

*To start, the players introduce themselves and their roles.*

Five strangers wake up in the desolate landscape of Avernus near the bank of a river. None have memories of how they got here, and only two recognize each other.

Dak calls out for Xanadu, his battle boar, who emerges from a pile of bones. This draws the attention of Pox, grateful to recognize someone as they look to the others, although she is amazed by Arson. Amon Duul is relieved the boar is with Dak and not a monster. Fox E Kim is amazed that she and Pox are both High Elves. Dak wonders if this is medieval times.

A ferryman rows up, greeting the five and recognizing that they are mortals who have washed up on the banks of the river Styx in Avernus, first of the Nine Hells. Amon instantly thinks they should kill the ferryman. He says it would cost a soul coin apiece for him to ferry them back to the mortal world. Fox E asks where they might find Soul Coins. The ferryman says they may find some in the citadel of Princeps Kovic, which they can see a mile to the north. Amon asks him to join them, but he says he is doomed to stay on the boat. He steps off the boat and he and the ferry reappear in the middle of the river.

The group start to make their way across the hellscape. After an hour they reach the two story structure covered in chains and surrounded by a lava moat. A draw bridge leads to massive doors guarded by sleeping devils. Amon is stunned by the building's size and fails to find any other ways in.

A massive vehicle rumbles towards them. On its flat top sits a throne made of bones with a chain covered devil sitting on it. The group tries to find ways to hide, Amon ultimately diving into a pile of bones and peeks out. Fox E leads the others to follow. A couple bones tumble, drawing the attention of one devil on the back of the tank who steps off to investigate. As the tank crosses the drawbridge, the chain devil whips chains at the sleeping guards and knocks them into the lava moat, furious at their laziness.

Fox E casts *minor illusion* to create a boned winged creature that flies away from the bones towards the citadel. The lone devil heads towards the drawbridge as new pitchfork bearing guards take over the guard posts. Arson casts *dancing lights* in the shape of a humanoid and has it strut towards the drawbridge. The new guards watch it.

As Dak tries to listen in, Amon cannot wait and leaps forward and hurls his hand axe. It embeds in a guard's head and knocks him into the lava. The other guard goes to use a signal horn. Arson charges, intimidatingly demands the guard back away. The guard crashes into a wall and knocks himself unconscious. Dak looks over the side of the moat and sees the first guard bleeding out on a rock, retrieving the axe and dumping the body into the lava. Fox E searches the unconscious guard and finds teeth, bones, and some throwing stars. She hands out the teeth, one each with an extra to Pox. Arson feels something special about the tooth she is given, but can't tell what.

The group decides to climb the chains. Dak tries to convince Xanadu to run up the wall. When it cant, Dak sends him to get help, and instead he roots around in the bone piles. The others climb (Arson spiderwalking up), as Pox and Arson compare shoes.

Passing a window they hear voices and the clinking of coins. Amon listens in and hears rustling of sacks, and faint moans of voices as coins tumble into chests.

Reaching the top, they find a sleeping devil near a trap door. Dak fails to stealthily kill the guard. As it wakes up, Amon hurls his hand axe again, decapitating the guard. Nearby, a severed head congratulates them on the excellent am, startling the party. He introduces himself as Aloysius, paladin of Fae'run, a fellow mortal who washed up and tried to steal from the castle. They remove him from the pike, and he offers to help guide them through the citadel so they can all get soul coins. Pox places his head on the devil's body, and Arson gives spidersilk to Fox E who uses it to bind the head to the body.

Arson casts *invisibility* on herself and Pox. They lift up the trapdoor and looks around the second level of the citadel. It reeks of decay, full of decapitated bodies, but also sacks and chests. They sneak down to one of the chests, and finds hundreds of coins inside. As the lid opens, one of the corpses rises up. Pox grabs fives coins, and Arson grabs three, feeling a wave of negative emotions, which she struggles through. Arson uses *prestidigitation* to make an echoing tongue pop to confuse the corpses.

Up top, Dak poorly explains technology to Fox E, until Amon notices devils flying towards the citadel in the distance. He draws his great axe. Fox E casts *light* on one of the teeth to act as a signal, but the monsters see it as well. Pox sees a human body and grabs it. Aloysius identifies it as his, but debates which one to claim. Fox E says her studies tell her people could only leave the underworld in their own body. Amon severs the head from the devil body and Dak throws it at the body. Aloysius's head misses and bounces downstairs to the first floor.

Arson charges through the room, using her many legs to knock a path through the headless corpses. The others follow her down the stairs to the first floor where there is a dark, gore covered chamber. The tank vehicle is parked by a far wall as the chained devil chastises his devils for their incompetence.

Dak breaks away from the party, enamored of the devil's rig. He grabs Amon and offers to drive it for the devil. The chained devil says he will put him to work on the soul extractor, which Fox E knows is the part of the machine that turns mortal souls into fuel.

Amon launches into a fury and tries to attack the chained devil, who catches it and lifts Amon into the air before hurling him onto the back of the rig. Dak whips Kovic with his flails. The devil's face twists into his hated enemy, fellow trucker Little Marco. Dak backs away from the devil and tries to run up to the truck which is a place of comfort. He finds a slot where a soul coin could fit. He tries to *sleight of hand* hotwiring the vehicle, but fails. Arson, turning visible casts *Samantha's curse* and summons her pact weapon as a bazooka. The weapon fires vibrating neck massagers at the devil twice.

Kovic whips one of his chains at Dak, furious he is on the throne. It wraps around Dak and barbs on the links dig into the ranger.

Devils with a variety of weapons approach Arson standing on a pile of bones. Amon, still holding his great axe which is being held by Kovic, slashes with his hand axe. It digs into Kovic's hand and he releases Amon who drops and makes another great axe attack, slicing through chains.

Fox E casts *spiritual weapon* conjuring a hippogriff from a shoulder tattoo which attacks one of the approaching devils, crushing it to the ground. It launches into the air, but misses another devil. Meanwhile, Pox affixes Aloysius's head to his body, a wobbly connection with the spidersilk. She dashes up to Kovic.

Arson fires her bazooka twice more, pummeling Kovic making his chains vibrate and some of them fall off. Aloysius staggers around, holding his head with one hand, and dashes up onto the vehicle. He pulls the chains off of Dak. A devil strikes Arson with a pitchfork. She gives him elevator eyes, trying to cast *hellish rebuke*, but the devil is unaffected. A second devil attacks the hippogriff with tail spikes before throwing his pitchfork but misses Arson.

Amon's great axe slams Kovic again who retaliates by summoning the fallen chains to attack Amon, who shakes them off.

Fox E's hippogriff lunges, missing in its weakened state twice, as Fox E dashes to the war machine.

Pox slices through Kovic's achilles' heel with her nine-lives stealing long sword, disengages, and runs to the vehicle. She tosses Dak a soul coin which he drops into the slot. It growls to life. Dak reverses the vehicle over the two devils by Arson (who hops aboard), crushing them, before rolling forward straight over Kovic. The vehicle smashes through the doors as Dak hog calls Xanadu to come join them.

As they ride, Pox hands one of the extra teeth to Aloysius, who finds it is one of his. He and Pox fix their makeup a little as they ride up to the banks of the Styx next to the ferryman.

Noticing they managed to escape the citadel, and with a war machine, the ferryman suggests the party might be able to make a life for themselves as Hell Pirates. Dax considers it until Fox E threatens to throw one of the stars she found at him. Arson and Pox hand out all the soul coins so they can decide for themselves what to do. Dak offers a spare coin to the ferryman, who calls himself Jake after Pox insists on him going home with them.

Jake ferries them across the river. Xanadu slowly looks more truck like as they approach a portal on the far bank. As Jake departs, he says they have made a powerful friend, and is sure they will be back given their high body count. Dak slips a device to Fox E, who asks what "Low battery" means.

The group passes through the portal and returns to their worlds.

### Characters

#### Party

Queens of Adventure

* Arson Nicki - drider warlock
* Fox E. Kim - high elf cleric

NeoScum:

* Amon Duul the Third - half-orc barbarian - Gannon Reedy
* Dak Rambo - human ranger - Mike Migdall
	+ Xanadu - battle boar companion
* Pox - high elf rogue - Eleni Sauvageau

#### NPCs

* Jake the Ferryman
* Princeps Kovic - chained devil (debut)
* Aloysius the Paladin (debut)

#### Monsters/Enemies

* Devils
* Headless Corpses

## Episode Notes

### Lore

* Soul Coins in Avernus can be used as fuel for infernal machines.

### Memorable Quotes

* "Dak! What the fork is going on... I mean f-?" - "You can curse, I think." - "You find you have the ability to curse." - Pox, Dak, and DM Matt
* "Is this like a theme thing? Oh, like we're in Hell. But like Santa Claus, Indiana?" - Dak Rambo
* "If you think I'm alive, then I have you fooled cause I am dead inside." - Arson Nicki
* "The hog has a cart behind it." - "Well that would have been nice for you to share with the group." - Dak Rambo and Fox E. Kim
* "Put that thing down right now, or else I am going to kill you so hard your born-ness will be completely erased." - Arson Nicki
* "I must say now that we've gotten closer to the devils I do think that they are hot. Even though they're dead. Oops!" - Pox
* "You want to use mending to reattach a head?" - "Just temporary. I don't think it would last forever." DM Matt and Fox E Kim
* "First time I've had to bail out a lumper in hell." - Dak Rambo
* "Im sorry can we. So you stuck your finger in the slot on the-" "Bone throne cockpit" - "and you felt an evil malevolent force." - Arson Niki, Dak Rambo, and Pox
* "I am nameless and eternal, but you can call me... Jake!" - the Ferryman

### References

* Escape Rooms
* Breath Right Strips
* iPods
* "How's Your head?"
* Red Rover
* Harry Potter hippogriff rules
* Joan Jett's "Pitchfork"
* Tokyo Drift
* Crypto-currency
* Aladdin
* Myth of Orpheus

### Name That Tune

* "School's Out for Summer" - Alice Cooper

## Behind the Queens

* This is the second crossover episode with the NeoScum cast, after last month's bonus episode. It was the first bonus episode released after the release of Queens of Adventure Legends. DM Matt announces in the episode that bonus episodes are now considered to be early releases of Legends episodes.
* Matt also reminds listeners to check out the Minimum Rage arc on the One Shot network, which was recorded around the same time as this and the previous NeoScum crossover.