"IT'S RANDY!"

Hia kiddies. Welcome HACK for a third SLICE OF SLUDGE! It's entitled...

On a stormy evening back in the summer of 1965, a hippie guy was sitting in the front room of an apartment up, in Manhattan, New York City, smoking a cigarette on a sofa. The Byrds sang "Mr. Tambourine Man" on a record that played on a record-player on one side of the room. The doorbell ran suddenly and the hippie got up and answered the door. A gangster stood outside, holding up a switchblade-knife. "Hey, man, can I help you? Ya have that knife!" the hippie said to the gangster. "Yeah, man, ya can get outta this neighborhood. Your psychedelic hippie crap our Gang don't welcome here!" the gangster replied meanly and barged into the hippie's apartment. "Ah, come on, man. Peace! Please be cool and mellow out. I'm Randy!" the hippie said to the gangster, backing up, slowly. The gangster backed Randy up into the record player, causing it to shut off. Then the gangster turned off Randy's lamp and the sounds of stabbing, screaming and choking were heard suddenly within the darkness. "You're dead Randy and ya choked on your cigarette ya jerk!" the gangster's voice said in the dark. The gangster ran out of the apartment and up the street in the pouring-rain.

Five years later, the gangster drank a bottle of Jim Beam Whiskey, standing within the living-room of Randy's former apartment one night. Three other gangsters walked into the front room, drinking bottles of Jim Beam Whiskey too. "Hey, Steve, we're gonna go get some more cigarettes man" one of the other gangsters said to the first gangster. "Okay, Ben, I'll order a pizza man" Steve replied to him and high-fived him. "Alright, come on, J.D." Ben said to another gangster. "Ok Ben. Let's go Ross" J.D. said to him and then said to the fourth gangster. "Comin' J.D. man" Ross replied to J.D. then. Ben, J.D. and Ross walked out of the apartment and Steve drank more of his whiskey. He sat down on a sofa and the telephone on the end-table beside it rang suddenly. Steve answered it. "Hello" he said. "Evenin', man, get outta my apartment!" a distorted-voice replied over the phone. "Who the heck are you man?" Steve asked them. "IT'S RANDY!" the distorted voice answered. The gangster hung up his phone and drank the rest of his whiskey. Steve got up and separated to of the window-blinds with his hand, peeking out the window. Outside, the Summer-wind blew a few leaves passed the apartment, as three taxi cabs drove passed it. Suddenly, a yellow Station Wagon parked on the side of the road, outside the apartment. The gangster's eyes widened and he backed away from the window. Within seconds, there was a pounding on the door. The door opened quickly and the zombie of Randy stood in the doorway, still dressed in his black and white tie-dyed-t-shirt, and bright-orange bell bottoms. His skin was a sickening whitish-yellow-color, rotting, with no nose, no eyes, and no hair. Rotting-flesh of a cream-yellow-color covered his eye-sockets, and his lips were rotting away, showing a toothless, dead-mouth. The zombie of the hippie walked into his former apartment slowly, causing Steve to scream out in terror. "I freaking stabbed ya to death man! My Gang and I wanted you outta here. This is our home now!" Steve said to Randy's zombie. Quickly, the zombie clutched the gangster's head with his rotting whitish-yellow hands, and caused the sickening-sounds of cracking-bones to be heard, as he twisted Steve's head around, killing him instantly.

Meanwhile, Ross, J.D. and Ben walked on the sidewalk, and finished drinking their bottles of Jim Beam Whiskey. They came to a convenient store and walked into it together. The gangsters threw their empty bottles of Jim Beam Whiskey into a trash can and Ross and Ben each grabbed a pack of Camel Cigarettes from in a box in the aisle. They walked away together then. A payphone on the wall rang then and J.D. looked over at it. Then he walked over and picked it up. "Hey, J.D. guess who it is man. It's Randy. The hippie you guys planned for Steve to kill five years ago!" Randy's distorted voice said over the payphone. "Hey, man, who are you? How do you know about that?!" J.D. replied. J.D. hung up the payphone. Soon, he, Ben and Ross ran back to their apartment, Ross and Ben running into it and J.D. looking into the passenger's side of the yellow Station Wagon, seeing Steve's corpse with its head twisted around sitting in it. "Steve?!?" he said to it, reached his hand through the rolled-down-window of the car, and shook the dead body's shoulder. It slumped forwards. J.D. screamed in horror, yanking his hand out of the car. Within the apartment, Ross and Ben aimed their switchblade-knives around, as they walked around their living-room. The zombie of Randy slowly came out of a dark room. "We had Steve kill ya man!!!" Ben said to the living dead hippie. "Ben!" the zombie croaked eerily and grabbed his wrist quickly. He squeezed it with his whitish-yellow-rotting-hand, making the gangster scream in pain and let go of his weapon. The dead man caught it, backed Ben up into the shadows and plunged the knife into the shadows, causing the gangster to scream some more. J.D. ran into their apartment and Ben fell out of the shadows, to the floor, dead. As J.D. screamed, seeing Randy's zombie, Ross ran for the door.

The gangster ran outside and saw Steve's dead body slumped over in the car. Ross screamed in terror as cars drove passed. Ross turned around immediately and saw the zombie holding J.D. in the air, choking him. J.D. writhed, gasped for air, eyes wide. Then, he slumped over dead in the zombie's strong grasp. As Randy slowly walked towards the car with J.D.'s corpse, Ross ran for it. He made it back to the convenient store and put his hand on the side of the store outside, catching his breath. He suddenly collapsed on his side, fainting. When Ross came to, he saw the yellow Station Wagon parked on the side of the street in front of him. He got to his feet and walked over to the vehicle. Looking into the driver's side of it, a black garbage bag sat in over in the passenger's seat, reading in capital-letters of white: "IT'S RANDY!" on it. The zombie's rotting-hand of whitish-yellow flesh plunged Ben's knife into the shadowy-back of Ross suddenly. "Nice try gettin' away, Ross" Randy said eerily to him in his distorted-voice. Ross fell forward against the Station Wagon, coughing and fell to the side, dead then. The zombie of Randy drove away in his yellow Station Wagon with the dead bodies of Steve, Ben, and J.D. sitting behind him and the corpse of Ross. Randy turned on the car-radio with his rotting-hand of dead whitish-yellow flesh, and The Byrds sang "Mr. Tambourine Man" on it.

What a FRIGHT I mean NIGHT for Randy eh, kiddies? He knows now that THE GANG'S ALL FEAR aha-ha-ha-ha-ha! It was rather CONVENIENT for J.D. to pick up the SLAY-PHONE, on account of what Randy had in STORE for him ha-ha-ha.