HEAVEN

**HEAVEN** is the 9th track on Troye Sivan's album *Blue Neighborhood.* The piano ballad reveals Troye Sivan's struggles with coming to terms with his sexuality and the role religion plays in that.

## Lyrics

[Verse 1: Troye Sivan]

The truth runs wild

Like a tear down a cheek

Trying to save face, and daddy heart break

I'm lying through my teeth

This voice inside

Has been eating at me

Trying to replace the love that I fake

With what we both need

The truth runs wild

Like kids on concrete

Trying to sedate, my mind in its cage

And numb what I see

Awake, wide eyed

I'm screaming at me

Trying to keep faith and picture his face

Staring up at me

[Chorus: Troye Sivan]

Without losing a piece of me

How do I get to heaven?

Without changing a part of me

How do I get to heaven?

All my time is wasted

Feeling like my heart's mistaken, oh

So if I'm losing a piece of me

Maybe I don't want heaven?

[Verse 2: Betty Who]

The truth runs wild

Like the rain to the sea

Trying to set straight the lines that I trace

To find some relief

This voice inside

Has been eating at me

Trying to embrace the picture I paint

And colour me free

[Chorus: Troye Sivan]

Without losing a piece of me

How do I get to heaven?

Without changing a part of me

How do I get to heaven?

All my time is wasted

Feeling like my heart's mistaken, oh

So if I'm losing a piece of me

Maybe I don't want heaven?

[Bridge: Troye Sivan]

So I'm counting to fifteen

Counting to fifteen, counting to fifteen

So I'm counting to fifteen

Counting to fifteen, counting to fifteen

So I'm counting to fifteen

Counting to fifteen, counting to fifteen

So I'm counting to fifteen

Counting to fifteen, counting to fifteen

[Chorus: Troye Sivan]

Without losing a piece of me

How do I get to heaven?

Without changing a part of me

How do I get to heaven?

All my time is wasted

Feeling like my heart's mistaken, oh

So if I'm losing a piece of me

Maybe I don't want heaven?

[Outro: Troye Sivan]

The truth runs wild

Like a tear down a cheek

## Commentary

* Troye Sivan: "The hardest person to come out to was myself. When I first started to realize that I might be gay, I had to ask myself all of these questions. These really, really terrifying questions, you know, ‘Am I ever gonna find someone?’ ‘Am I ever gonna be able to have a family?’ ‘If there is a God, does that God hate me?’ ‘If there is a heaven, am I ever gonna make it to heaven?‘ Those were all really scary questions for a 14-year old. And then throughout the process, I started to build this self-confidence and self worth, and I realized, yeah, I am gay. Eventually I got to the point; if there is a heaven that I can’t be myself up there then maybe I don’t want heaven."
* Troye Sivan, in an interview with *Out Magazine**:* "Writing that song was very therapeutic to me at the time. It was me thinking about how hard I try to be a good person and then feeling like, before I even opened my eyes as a little baby – because I think I was born gay – I was a sinner. All of those are very standard, but very confusing and hurtful conversations that you have to have with yourself as an LGBTQ person."

## Notes

* Betty Who and Troye Sivan met at Troubador in Los Angeles, CA when Who was performing and Sivan expressed interest in working with her in the future. He sent her "Happy Little Pill" before it was officially released asking what she thought.

## References

1. ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOsr4w49dxk&ab\_channel=TroyeSivan
2. ↑ https://www.out.com/music/2016/3/29/troye-sivan-first-youtube-now-world
3. ↑ https://attitude.co.uk/article/betty-who-talks-gay-love-sophomore-album-and-working-with-troye-sivan/12239/