Dang! You're Dead!

"**Dang! You're dead!** *- A Comprehensive Guide to the Afterlife (Purgatory Edition)"* is a pamphlet given to the player by The Guide in the beggining of the game Pitstop in Purgatory, serving as a helpful tool as it holds important information about characters, places, and Purgatory's *modus operandi* in general.

The pamphlet is written by Guide himself (except for Rahel's Words, which it's written by herself in the middle of the game), and include his opinions and even some trivia about his character among the lines.

To fully uncover *all* the pamphlet entries, the player has to complete all routes (and epilogue).

## Characters

### Astrid Braid

"You're really going to have *me* explain who *you* are? How bothersome...

Well, then. Your name is Astrid, of course. You are... uh, *were*... an actress. And you were quite passionate about it too, I'll give you that much.

You're also the heroine of this story, if I may be so bold as to temporarily break the fourth wall. On that note, finding out how you died... isn't that just a terrific yarn? I'd be holding my breath in excitement, were it not for the fact that I'm much too busy to do so.

In life, it turns out, you had a lot of not-so-heroic traits. Your dreamy nature caused domestic issues as well as your eventual death. *Oops*.

         But don't be so hard on yourself. Living is tough (or so they say). I've met a lot of humans, and not many of them were as interesting as you are. You should take that as a compliment, wherever you are and however you're reading this."

### The Guide

    "I'm fairly sure you're making the same mistake as every other human does when they see me for the first time... you're wondering *who* I am when you should instead ask *what* I am!

Ultimately though, does it really matter? It doesn't change your predicament, nor my role. I'm here to *guide* you... that's all you need to know.

Turns out that I might not be as *nice* as you had originally hoped. I'll admit, I enjoy the occasional fun on the expense of Purgatory's visitors. But you would too, in my shoes.

After all, I've seen *everything*... the rise and fall of entire worlds, again and again. Eventually, everything becomes kind of a boring blur. Even greater beings need to get their kicks somehow.

And luckily, *you* came along, which made things less mundane for a while. I appreciate that, Miss Braid."

### Rahel Amethyst

When she first got here, she accused me of telling her a *Banbury Story* before promptly storming off. Even with all my knowledge, I still find it a tad difficult to keep up with those antiquated words she uses.

I suppose you could say that she leaves quite an impression, if what the residents of Purgatory say about her is to be believed.

She seems quite taken with you, Miss Braid. I have a sneaking suspicion that feeling may be mutual?

Yes, yes... so I may have been a *bit* cruel when she got here, but I can't stand it when humans beg and plead. It's *the worst*. So I taught her a lesson or two.

Besides, everything turned out fine, didn't it? She lived a short life, died painfully and had an existential crisis *but* now she has *you*. Things could certainly be worse."

### Locke Moon

"Do I *have* to talk about this sultry fellow? Even thinking about him seems to depress me, which is quite odd since I can't actually feel sad!

But I digress...

If I charged people for drinks, he'd be one of my primary sources of income. I wonder if he even remembers what it feels like to be completely sober?

Somehow you've managed to get through to him. I don't know how you succeeded in doing so, Miss Braid, but color me impressed.

I suppose I shouldn't be too hard on him, even though he greatly annoys me. He had so much going for him when he was tragically murdered. Oh, the humanity.

He may never *truly* bury the hatchet, but I believe him when he says that he's ready to move on. He has you to thank for that, Astrid, and you didn't even have to bribe him with alcohol to pull it off!"

### Volumnius Casarecce

"The Romeo to your Juliet, as it were. Or at least he was at one point.

Humans often say that opposites attract. I always found that strange, but in the case of you two, I suppose there was some sense to it... until there wasn't anymore.

You're asking me if I know where he is now? Oh, *please*... of course I do. But that's a story for another time."

### Smiley

"There once was a man who never knew happiness, so to rectify that a particularly cruel deity slashed his face from ear to ear, creating a permanent smile.

That has nothing to do with this particular shadow, but I find it to be a truly inspired story.

There's clearly something going on between him and Mister Moon, as they're constantly bickering like a married couple. *Eww*, *marriage*.

In a startling twist, it turns out that he shot Mister Moon, who then promptly shot him back. I bet you didn't see *that* coming!

Of course, the credit goes entirely to me for coming up with the idea of utilizing their back-to-back deaths for entertainment here in Purgatory."

### Ezrebeth

"This one is a real piece of work, Miss Braid.

Some shadows actually end up quite satisfied with things in Purgatory, and despite my best efforts, I can't seem to get rid of them. And believe me, I've tried quite a few tricks.

I don't really mind in her case, though. I even gave her some special abilities, because... well, I felt like it. However, I now worry that it might have inflated her dreadful ego to gargantuan proportions.

The best thing about her? She knows her place. Now that's a quality I like in humans."

### Weird Shadow

Getting visited by strange shadowy creatures at night, now *that's* a plot element that never goes out of style, wouldn't you say?

What is it? Is it dangerous? Does it like ice cream? These are exciting questions that I, *naturally*, already know the answer to, but you have yet to learn.

If you ask me, dear old Vol looks a lot better like this. Preferences being what they are, I suppose

But *remember*, it's not really him. It's a figment of your imagination. I'll keep repeating that until you finally understand, Miss Braid.

## Locations

### Purgatory

"You may have read about Purgatory in books or online, Miss Braid, but this is not the same. It's just... *close enough*. A place which some have to make a *pitstop* in (see what I did there?).

Think of it like *something in between*. A piece of lettuce in a sandwich. Is it really needed to enjoy your food? Not necessarily. But it serves its purpose nonetheless, for those who need it to.

Give me some time, I'll try to come up with a better metaphor. Actually nevermind, I'm satisfied with that one."

### Waiting Hall

"Here begins, and ends, the journey of every human who enters Purgatory.

I stand here every millisecond of every day, constantly welcoming poor fellows such as yourself, Miss Braid. It's a good thing that I'm omnipresent, otherwise the logistics of it would be a nightmare.

While here, don't forget to try out the extremely uncomfortable bench. The wishing well is also a nice, pleasant source of water for you to enjoy. Apparently humans like those."

### Ouroboros Bar

"The local watering hole, where I also enjoy employment as a bartender/barista/chef/sommelier/you name it. And no, we're *not* hiring.

This is where humans in Purgatory spend most of their time. At any one moment, there are millions of people in there.

How does that work, you may wonder? I'd explain it to you, but I'm afraid your primitive understanding of concepts such as space and time will inevitably cause your mind to explode, were I to try."

### Astrid's Room

"I hope you're enjoying this quaint little room, Miss Braid.

Mirror, makeup, a comb... we've provided everything you need to keep your appearance up to par, as that's evidently very important to you.

May I remind you, though, that Purgatory isn't like one of those movies you enjoy so much? In fact, this is so much better! You get to be the *star*, and there's no one around to tell you otherwise."

### Rahel's Room

"Garish colors, silky curtains... why, living in here must be *torture*.

But not so for Miss Amethyst, it would seem. She's spent hundreds of years in there just tinkering away on her little crystal balls. *Boring*.

That's fine by me, though. I've never been able to properly stomach the woman, so her keeping out of my sight is of mutual benefit."

### Locke's Room

What can be said about Mister Moon's room that hasn't already been said about any other uninteresting living space?

He barely even cares about himself, so it's hardly a surprise that his little corner of Purgatory is... *passable* at best.

Then again, there's definitely something to be said for a man who owns only that which he absolutely needs and nothing more.

### Number 7 Café

"I'm incapable of feeling uneasiness, but I imagine the closest I can get to that particular mindset is when I visit *that place*. Ironically, it also happens to be the one location in which I can temporarily relieve myself of my many duties.

It's modelled after a modern establishment that peddles caffeine, something that humans apparently can't live without.

I suppose that in some ways, it could be viewed as a counterpart to the Ouroboros Bar, only significantly less interesting."

### Casarecce Manor

"Mister Casarecce's parents have more than once claimed that their illustrious abode is an "architectural marvel", but if you ask me, that's more than a bit overblown.

Honestly, why do humans spend so much time touting their possessions? It's not going to save them from whatever comes next, regardless.

At any rate, I'm sure Mister Casarecce didn't mind the immense wealth that was his birthright... during the short window of time in which he was alive to enjoy it, that is."

## Lore

### Pamphlet

**"Dang! You're Dead!"**

I invented this in order to more effectively answer the many questions that humans have. Annoyingly, though, they always end up coming to me for advice anyway.

I guess nothing beats *the real thing*, or maybe people are just too lazy to read. Probably the latter.

Also, the paper is made of otherwordly material, so we're not hurting the environment by giving these out willy-nilly. If you care about things like that, that is. I sure *don't*."

### The Other Side

"What's on the other side? Ah, the eternally recurring question.

Actually, I'm not sure. No, that's a lie, I know exactly what's over there, but I'd never tell you. Why spoil the surprise?

I can tell you this much, though: *Once you go there, you're not coming back*..."

### Shadows

"There are many theories in circulation regarding why some humans see others merely as shadowy, and mostly formless, shapes.

Is it the 'shadow people' who somehow cause this, or is it purely in the eye of the beholder? Truly a mystery for the ages.

However, it can't be denied that they bring a certain ominous flavor to the proceedings, now can it?"

### Necessities

"You humans with your constant need to eat and sleep. Bah, *ridiculous*!

Originally, there was no way to do either of those things here in Purgatory. After all, this isn't supposed to be a Paradise for you to live out your earthly vices ad nauseam. As it turns out, though, conjuring up imaginary dishes is a lot easier than having to deal with complaints from earthlings with strange cravings.

When people go to rest their eyes I don't have to see them for a while, which is an added bonus. But don't forget to set an alarm, or you might find yourself missing out on a millenium or two."

### Connections

"Let me be *very* clear on this, Miss Braid. Nothing happens by chance in Purgatory. The ones you see here are the ones you're *meant* to be seeing.

You may *think* that physical objects and thoughts themselves (hah) somehow links you together, and by all means, continue to think that if it has you feeling reassured.

However, you're quite honestly just wasting your time. You silly time-waster, you."

### The Box

"I'll admit that this might not be the most pleasant of my side activities, but hear me out. Or actually, no, I'm not going to defend *anything*.

Listen well, Miss Braid. Sometimes humans just need to be reminded of their place. And when that doesn't work, I quite literally put them *in their place*. Get it?

In the end, you're all just objects for me to put in a box. That's the very nature of a greater being. *Sorry not sorry*."

### The Truth

"Well then Miss Braid, you seem to have found yourself in a power struggle between deities. I bet you didn't see *that* coming.

Rest assured that I have only your best interests at heart. After all, I'd never let anyone hurt my favorite *pet*.

...Did I say *pet*? I meant *partner*, of course. Even greater beings must be permitted the occasional slip of the tongue."

### Rahel's Words

*addle-plot* - someone who spoils or ruins things for others

*ambidexter* - an untrustworthy person

*antiquated rogue* - a person who used to be a criminal

*balsam* - money

*banbury story* - a ridiculous tale which doesn't go anywhere

*borachio* - a drunkard

*brother of the quill*- a professional writer

*brother of the string -* a professional musician

*brown study* - to be deep in thought

*chameleon diet* - having a lack of food or eating too little

*chirping-merry* - being in a very good mood

*cramp-words* - words that are hard to understand

*dirty-beau* - a man who is acting more proper than he really is

*ebb-water* - a lack of money

*fiddler's pay* - being thanked and bought a drink for your services instead of getting paid money

*gapeseed* - a wonderful sight

*gut-foundered* - to be extremely hungry

*mulligrubs* - being in a very bad mood

*nipperkin* - a small glass of something to drink

*swill-belly* - someone who drinks heavily

## Trivia

* The first line of the Weird Shadow's entry *can* be a reference to another of Tymedust's games, Meanwhile in Riva, where the protagonist is visited by a shadow in their room.