Para-Nomaly

***Para-Nomaly*** is the fifth episode of *The Alan 10 Skits*.

## Plot

*[Alan, as Grey Matter, was seen inputting a series of codes into the orange and teal Simplicitrix replicas, each respectively wielded by Devin and Mason.]*

Grey Matter: Remind me why I'm giving you two this alien again?

Devin: Don't worry about it! Come on, you gave us these in case of emergency... would it hurt for us to use them for something else just this once?

Grey Matter: Yeah, but like, couldn't I do it myself? Why do you two need to specifically use him to do whatever vague thing you've refused to tell me?

Mason: Nobody's saying you can't tag along! We'll be in and out real quick. It won't take more than ten minutes... fifteen... maybe.

Grey Matter: Alright, if you insist.

*[Finishing inputting the codes into both of them, Grey Matter stepped back from the two and reverted to his human form.]*

Alan: Now where exactly am I supposed to go again?

*[Devin and Mason giddily laughed in excitement, clearly hiding keeping their reason secret, while Alan only stared at them in confusion. The scene shifted into the interior of an extremely dark and macabre location, of which Alan opened a portal into and hesitantly followed after the two once they ran and began examining their surroundings, with it taking not too long for Alan himself to realize that it was a macabre mass gravesite.]*

Alan: Well, this is... disturbing. I had to use Startographer to pinpoint Rabbiture's portals to this place?!

Devin: You sure he's actually here?

Mason: Yes, he's here! He should have been buried here!

*[In an instance, Devin and Mason activated their Simplicitrix replicas and simultaneously transformed into the alien that Grey Matter had begrudgingly granted them despite their denial to specify the exact reason what for, both that of the large, translucent Goltergeist.]*

Alan: Aw, you creepy fucks! What were you laughing about earlier then?

Goltergeist *(Devin)*: No, no, no. Just you wait, Alan.

Alan: I'm already weirded out to the point I regret giving you both access to the Sixth Sense alien! Please tell me whatever you're about to do, it's not disrespectful.

*[Unbeknownst to Alan, a pair of ghostly astral projections from the two versions of Goltergeist slowly emerged from their bodies, with the one representing Mason momentarily scanning his surroundings before immediately pointing off in a certain direction, seeming to exclaim something out of shock, albeit inaudible to Alan's living ears, as the two ran off, leaving their empty bodies stationary and motionless, as Alan knocked his fist on one of them, only to not get a response, prompting him to activate his mediumship himself and sprout his multiple eyes on the center of his face. Glancing around where their astral projections may now be, Alan was startled at the sight of numerous deceased aliens' spirits roaming around the graveyard, notably all that of Fugetors, Amperis, Arachnichimps, and the like.]*

Alan: Are those all different... is this the graveyard for... what the hell?!

Goltergeist *(Devin)*: FUCK YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! GET HIM, MASON!

Goltergeist *(Mason)*: MORE LIKE ‘SHIT-MAS’! BURN IN HELL, YOU ASSHOLE!

*[Alan whipped his head around in the direction of their disembodied spirits' voices, seeing them nearby in the middle of pummeling the apparition of a very familiar, green-skinned Tetramand into oblivion, punching and kicking the hell out of them despite their cries and pleas. Alan stared at them for a moment, before suddenly realizing who exactly they were beating up, and proceeding to use his powers to poltergeize himself, who then began frantically sprinting after them.]*

Alan: OH, YEAH! LET ME GET IN ON THAT!

#### Transition

*[The scene turned into a black and white patterned background that ejected Ditto outwards as if he had split off from it, who landed onto the ground and began rapidly dividing himself into more and more clones until his presence became a massive pile of them that slowly engulfed and obscured the camera.]*

### Shoo, Stinkfly

*[Alan sat on the couch inside the empty living room, stirring in and out of sleep in the middle of the night, with the only thing that was keeping him partially awake being whatever was playing on late-night television. On the verge of falling asleep completely and falling headfirst into a half-empty bowl of popcorn sitting beside him, Alan momentarily stirred awake from the buzzing noise of a fly swarming near his ear, attempting to lazily swat it away with a weak wave of his hand, as he finally faceplants into the bowl, only for the fly to return and resume buzzing in his ear, prompting Alan to immediately snap awake again with an interrupted snore.]*

Alan: Aww… Damnit... Fuck off, fly.

*[Alan made a few improved attempts to swat it away from his ear, but every time that he tried doing so, its departure would be short-lived and his sleep would yet again delayed by the annoying sounds of buzzing in the air, eventually annoying Alan to the point that he grabbed onto a couch pillow and threw it in their general direction in an attempt to knock them down, which was somehow still met with failure once the sound of buzzing returned once more. The frustrated Alan sleepily activated the Simplicitrix and transformed himself into Stinkfly.]*

Stinkfly: Sorry, little bug! There’s only room for one fly here!

*[The two insects breaking out into an overly dramatic fight between one another, Stinkfly repeatedly attempted shooting it down with several blasts of slime from his eyes, yet his precision was muddled by his tiredness and cause him to miss every single time, forcing him to change tactics and try everything else he could think of so, such as swatting it with his wings, and even slashing it with tail stinger, yet continued missing. Groaning and shaking his fists like an angry old man, Alan reverted back to his human form, instead choosing to use several different alien abilities as a means of being rid of it, including Chromastone's ultraviolet beams, Ball Weevil's plasma orbs, and Squidstrictor's constricting tentacles. Against all odds, the fly remained unharmed and returned buzzing in his ear.]*

Alan: Oh… you little... IT'S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE!

*[Spawning and ejecting several cluttered masses of organic weaponry from his hands and arms through instead using Extermigator's abilities, Alan let out a loud war-cry and rushed towards the insect, as moments later, the abruptly woken Chloe angrily burst out of her room and rushed towards the living room towards the source of the angered slashes, shrieks, and screams coming from the living room.]*

Chloe: ALAN, YOU PROMISED NO MORE ACTION MOVIES ON FULL VOLUME PAST MIDNIGHT-!

*[Chloe paused mid-sentence, staring onwards in bewilderment after she turned on the light in order to see the living room, discovering it was completely trashed with large burns, tattered slash marks, and massive holes all over the walls and ceiling, with the furniture smashed and ripped apart, and the television somehow hanging from the broken ceiling fan. A deranged Alan, with heavy bags under his eyes, sat in the corner of the living room, slowly and creepily turning around with Chloe's arrival, with both of his palms clasped shut over one another, as he laughed maniacally.]*

Alan: YES! I CAUGHT IT! I FINALLY CAUGHT IT!

Chloe: Really, again with this?!

Alan: I GOT IT THIS TIME! WE DON'T NEED NO BUG ZAPPER WHEN WE HAVE EXTERMIGATOR, BABY! LOOK, CHLOE, LOOK!

*[Alan held his clasped hands towards Chloe and opened them up, which the latter only stared back with a look of concern.]*

Chloe: Alan, that's a piece of dust.

*[Alan looked back at his hands and suddenly cuts himself off with the realization, his expression turning to defeat, as the still partially functioning ceiling fan in the living room slowly carried the singular speck of dust from out of his hands, while Chloe soon noticed the high-pitching buzzing now instead audible in her own ear, instinctually swatting her hand towards the fly in mild irritation.]*

Chloe: Oh, that is annoying.

*[Swatting her hand more and more in her failure to shoo it away from her, Chloe grabbed the nearest heavy object within arm's reach, that of the upturned bowl of popcorn from before now laying on the ground, and threw it in its direction, missing entirely and instead hitting the television screen that was suspended from the broken ceiling fan, causing them to crash into the coffee table below. A rudely awakened Devin entered the living room, who before he could voice his complaints, heard the fly buzzing towards him, proceeding to immediately zap it one of his tentacles and let it fall to the ground, as the other two looked at him in disbelief.]*

Devin: ...What?

#### Transition

*[The scene turned into a shiny red background as Bloodstream emerged from the floor below, finally revealing himself before stretching his arms outwards, then his right arm backwards as he morphed his fist into a spiked mace that he swung forward towards the audience and engulfed the camera with blood splatter.]*

### You're My BaE

*[In the middle of the night, the window into Alan's bedroom began slowly and quietly opening up from an unknown outside force, as Richard slowly wriggled his way in and gradually tip-toed his way into his nemesis' bedroom, keeping his cyan Simplicitrix primed at any moment that Alan could reveal himself from the shadows, around a corner, or even under the bed. Glancing around his empty bedroom, gaining a mischievous smile and rubbing his hands together, Richard took a single step to the left, proceeding to immediately slip on a shirt laying on the ground, which sent him flying forward and narrowly face-planting on the ground, managing to catch himself before hitting his face but creating a loud thud in the process. Richard momentarily winced, awaiting someone to respond to the noise, but slowly realized that he was still in the clear, sighing and picking himself up, until suddenly panicking at the sound of footsteps approaching the door.]*

Richard: SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!

*[As Richard frantically activated his Negative Simplicitrix with the realization that he had nowhere to hide in time, Alan's bedroom's door swung open afterwards, revealing an annoyed Alexis on the other side, moments before a bright blue flash of light briefly illuminated the inside of the room.]*

Alexis: Alan?! What was that noise?

[Strangely, as opposed to one of Richard's Negative transformations, what seemed to be Alan himself, wearing casual attire, instead stood in his place, with a terrified look on his face, before suddenly becoming confident and putting his hands on his hips.]

"Alan": That noise... that was the noise of... me doing... "Alan things..."

Alexis: Ohhh... "Alan things?" Is that what you call slipping on your undone laundry?

"Alan": Well... "Alan things" can encompass a broad amount of activities, so as a matter of fact... perhaps?

Alexis: Uh huh... can we go ahead and limit that to QUIETER "Alan things" tonight?

"Alan": Of course, of course! You can leave now, everything is okay, I will not slip again!

[Glaring with confusion, Alexis noticed the very-prominently-and-suspiciously-open window, as she pointed towards it.]

Alexis: Why is your window open?

"Alan": Oh, that's for the, uh... my... isometric... exercise... you remember that uh, that meme? You remember that, uh... Ch... Chlllll... Chloe... she lives here, right?

Alexis: What the hell are you being so weird? Are you hiding something?

"Alan": Very, very... feeling energetic... like you, and... the other people in this house, like... Damon?

*[Alexis stared towards "Alan" with a bewildered look, her mouth slightly gaping open, before briefly glancing behind her, repeatedly looking back and forth towards the forcefully smiling Alan, his hands both up in an almost comical expression, with the Stabilized Simplicitrix visible on his left hand.]*

Alexis: Is there a slow-moving teleprompter hidden somewhere in this room that you're reading off? Am I on a prank show? Has Pride finally driven you crazy?

"Alan": No, no, of course not! You know me, Alex... Alexis... just Alan... very tired... so I'd sleep in my... bed now... as soon as you leave... soon?

*[Alexis inquisitively stared at him and his fake smile, before rolling her eyes and slowly beginning to step out of Alan's bedroom, much to the disguised Richard's exasperated sigh of belief the second his coast was clear, although before the door could close behind her, Alexis stopped herself from fully exiting and glanced back towards "Alan" with an annoyed expression.]*

Alexis: You're seriously not forgetting that Alan wears the Simplicitrix on his right hand, are you?

"Alan": I... wanted to change things up?

*[Alexis stepped back into the bedroom with her arms crossed, prompting "Alan" to finally blow his cover and reveal himself as Negative Metamorph.]*

Negative Metamorph: YOU WALKED IN HERE TOO QUICKLY!

*[The real Alan suddenly emerged from beneath the bed covers, sitting upright with a look of stifled laughter plastered across his face, simultaneously startling Negative Metamorph as the former extended one of his hands outwards and ignited it with Swampfire's blue flames, taking full advantage of his pyrophobia and frightening him to the point he stumbled backwards and fell out of the open bedroom window onto the ground below. Alan and Alexis both stared down at him from the bedrooom above, watching him flee in terror.]*

Alan: Hehe... "Alan things..." Dumbass...

*[Alexis rolled her eyes again as Alan closed the window to his bedroom, while the panicked Negative XLR8, looking back to make sure the two of them weren't following after him, accidentally became distracted and sprinted straight into their mailbox, loudly grunting as he crashed into the ground again.]*

#### Transition

*[The scene turned into a rocky background colored different shades of dark red and bright yellow as Lavalamp lumbered in, clenching his fists and concentrating intently before suddenly erupting with a torrent of molten rock from the top of the large volcano on his backside, eventually melting the camera from underneath a layer of lava.]*

### In A Similamander Fashion

*[Mason casually walked down a hallway, reading something off his phone and sipping from a mug, unaware of the small rounded head poking out from one of the several open doorways, although before he can notice it, it was seemingly gone, prompting him to shrug and continue pacing by. With a creak of the door that he had nearly spotted it from opening up a bit more, the pitter-patter of small footsteps chased him down, before Similamander suddenly leapt upwards into the air and smacked Mason in the back of his head mid-sip, startling him enough to spray out his drink.]*

Similamander: Tag!

*[Similamander, mimicking Mason's powers, developed Arachnichimp characteristics, complete with furry scales, additional eyes and limbs, and a striped tail that he immediately shot webbing from in order to sling away before Mason can angrily chase him down.]*

*[Devin relaxed on the couch watching TV in the living room, briefly hearing the familiar sounds of tiny footsteps and taking quick glances around himself before disregarding it entirely, unaware that Similamander was crawling along the ceiling and inching closer and closer above Devin. Right as he grabbed the remote to change whatever channel he was watching right now, Similamander immediately pounced downwards and smacked him on the back of his head, causing him to leap off the couch in fright.]*

Similamander: Tag!

*[Similamander instantly copied Devin's Amperi physiology, transforming himself in order to replicate his patterned skin and tentacles, before using his electrical intangibility in order to phase through the nearest wall and disappear as Devin was chunking whatever loose objects he could grab at him in frustration.]*

*[Inside Alexis' bedroom, who was seemingly asleep within her bed and out of view, a giggling Similamander phased straight through her locked door before slowly beginning to float his way towards her. Lifting up the squared ends of one of his front legs in preparation to tag her, Alexis immediately rolled over, extended one of her arms, and flicked on the nearby lamp, revealing that she was in actuality Pride wearing a wig. Before the transformed Alan could react to the trickery in time, the rest of his friends, including the actual Alexis, leapt from the shadows and immediately tackled Similamander to the ground and after a scuffle that eventually took them back into the living room, Similamander struggled from within a metal cage.]*

Similamander: No fair! You can't interfere with the game! That's Rule 5!

Chloe: Yes, we can if you've been doing it without pause for the last THREE DAYS! I don't even have any powers!

Alexis: You're going to stay in there until you promise you're not going to play Mimic Tag anymore!

Similamander: Phooey! Since when did Pride have a perfect wig of Alexis' hair?!

Pride: I'll have you know I'm a perruquier in training. I have to do something on the weekends.

Similamander: Oh, that's what that word means.

Chloe: Whatever, you're not coming out of this cage until you finally-!

*[Another version of Similamander leapt into the air out of nowhere behind Chloe, smacking her on the back of her head.]*

Negative Similamander: Tag!

Similamander: Goddamn it, we were tied! You let him win!

Negative Similamander: Once again, I prove I'm the superior player here!

Similamander: Well, you're not allowed to tag when the game's been interrupted! That's Rule 23!

Negative Similamander: You're being forced to forfeit the game, loser! That's Rule 12!

Similamander: You're calling out too many broken rules, moron! That's Rule 96!

Negative Similamander: You're BREAKING too many unbroken rules! That's Rule 307!

Similamander: Oh, yeah, guess what? You're not remembering them right, because that's actually Rule 308!

Negative Similamander: Perhaps, you should reread them too, because this isn't in fact a Rule 308 and you stopped writing them at an odd number!

Similamander: I couldn't think of anymore than that!

*[With the two Similamanders occupied with their arguments about the rules of their game, Pride glanced over at everyone else before casually lifting Negative Similamander up by the back of his neck, opening up the cage door, and tossing him in too, the two becoming louder and louder until Similamander smacked Negative Similamander across the face, causing the former to instead become different shades of blue through replicating his near-identical appearance.]*

Similamander: TAG!

*[Negative Similamander did the same back, causing him to instead become brown and red like Alan's version.]*

Negative Similamander: TAG!

Similamander: TAG!

Negative Similamander: TAG!

*[Alan's friends left the living room, leaving the two to eventually reconcile their differences through their rapid-fire slap fight. Smacking each other faster and faster, mimicking each other's mimicry and then mimicking them again through their previously copied mimicry power through using their original power mimicry, the cage containing them slowly began levitating upwards into the air, both surrounded with a crackling field of red and blue electricity as the very fabric of reality around them began distorting from their increasingly unstable powerception. Other objects began levitating and glitching about from the gravitational anomalies, as time itself seemed to rapidly accelerate. Just as the two were about to blow a hole in the fabric of the universe, Similamander interrupted their fight with a question.]*

Similamander: Wait a minute, wait a minute! How many do we have so far?

Negative Similamander: Well, I don't know about you, but I have... uh... I have... we didn't keep count, did we?

Similamander: Aha, that calls for a rematch then! Remember, whoever tags everyone a hundred times each wins!

*[Similamander phased through the chronologically unstable cage surrounding them and floated out of the living room using the residual spatial anomalies that he was seemingly unaware of. Yet another smack was heard off-screen, followed by the furious shouting from the rest of Alan's friends.]*

## Characters

* Alan Nomaly
* Alexis Dwyer
* Chloe Nietzsche
* Devin Lorenzo
* Mason Babadzhanov
* Pride

### Villains

* Dictator Agorm Hitmas *(ghost)*
* Richard Nomaly

## Aliens Used

### Alan Nomaly

#### Actually Used

* Grey Matter
* Startographer *(off-screen)*
* Rabbiture *(off-screen)*
* Ditto *(transition)*
* Stinkfly
* Bloodstream *(transition)*
* Lavalamp *(transition)*
* Similamander

#### Powers Only

* Goltergeist
* Chromastone
* Ball Weevil
* Squidstrictor
* Extermigator
* Swampfire

### Richard Nomaly

* Negative Metamorph
* Negative XLR8 *(cameo)*
* Negative Similamander

## Allusions

* Alan refers to Goltergeist as the *Sixth Sense* alien in reference to his mediumship abilities.
* Richard makes reference to the Steamed Hams meme when he claims to be performing isometric exercise on an open window sill.

## Trivia

* This is the first Skits episode to be written by someone other than Alan.
* The title of the *You're My BaE* skit is meant to be a pun on the slang "bae," before anyone else, and a pun on "breaking and entering."