Peter Pan Syndrome

DisclaimerThis page is not here to be used as a self-diagnosis, self-identification, or promotion - it's simply here to be informational. Whether or not one self-diagnoses, self-identifies, and/or seeks a professional diagnosis is up to them.AbuseThe following page includes discussions of abuse, including verbal, physical, neglect, sexual (**SA also has its own warning**), etc. If you are uncomfortable or get triggered by this topic, it is recommended to not read this page.

**Peter Pan Syndrome**, also known as **Peter Pan Complex**, describes adults who struggle to accept adult responsibilities. It is not a formal diagnosis in the DSM-5, however some psychologists do recognize it as a pattern of behaviors that reflect someone who is persistently unwilling and unable to accept adulthood responsibilities.

The term was coined in 1983 by psychologist Dan Kiley in his book, "*The Peter Pan Syndrome: Men Who Have Never Grown Up*".

### Peter Pan and Wendy

Peter Pan is the protagonist in J.M. Barrie's 1911 novel, "*Peter Pan and Wendy*", a tale of an unaging boy who avoids responsibility in favor of adventures with his friends, named Lost Boys, in a paradise called Neverland.

## Signs & Symptoms

Since Peter Pan syndrome isn't a clinical diagnosis, experts haven't determined any official symptoms. But the following behaviors have been recognized as a common pattern.

### In Relationships

If someone's partner has Peter Pan syndrome, one might get the impression they'd have a hard time making it in the world alone. Their dishes might pile up in the sink. they might avoid doing laundry until they have nothing clean to wear, one might find themselves regularly helping out with chores just to get their home a little more habitable.

They may:

* Let their partner plan activities and make big decisions.
* Neglect household chores and child care responsibilities.
* Prefer to "live for today" and show little interest in making long-term plans.
* Show signs of emotional unavailability, such as not wanting to label or define the relationship.
* Spend money unwisely and have other troubles with personal finances.
* Consistently avoid addressing relationship issues in productive ways.

### In Work

Individuals with Peter Pan syndrome also tend to struggle with job and career goals.

They may:

* Have a pattern of job loss due to lack of effort, tardiness, or skipping work.
* Make little real effort to find a job.
* Leave jobs frequently when they feel bored, challenged, or stressed.
* Only take part-time work and have no interest in pursuing promotion opportunities.
* Move from field to field without spending time developing skills in any particular area.

In some cases, issues can also show up in the form of unrealistic goals. Spinning these dreams as reality without making any real effort to achieve them can also suggest Peter Pan syndrome.

### Behavioral

Individuals with Peter Pan syndrome may seem a little helpless. Others might have the general impression they can't "get it together" and notice things like:

* A pattern of unreliability and flaking out.
* Emotional outbursts when facing stressful situations.
* A tendency to make excuses or blame others when things go wrong.
* Little to no interest in personal growth.
* Expectations of being taken care of.
* Fear of negative evaluation.
* A pattern of substance abuse, often with a goal of escaping difficult feelings or responsibility.
* A desire to keep their options open instead of making concrete plans.

These signs can also relate to other issues, but someone who shows several of the above signs and symptoms may have Peter Pan syndrome.

## Causes

Experts haven't settled on why Peter Pan syndrome occurs, but it's likely a combination of factors, these include:

### Parenting Style

A paper from 2019 titled, "*Medical conditions revealed in fairy tales, folklore and literature*", suggests Peter Pan syndrome stems from a lack of bonding with a maternal figure in early childhood.

Other possibilities include:

* Permissive parents who had a difficult time setting boundaries and consequences.
* Overprotective or helicopter parents who took care of all the individual's needs for them.
* Parents who "rescued" them from responsibilities.
* Parents with abusive behaviors who forced the individual to grow up too quickly.

### Avoidant Attachment Style

This attachment style is characterized by a fear of emotional intimacy. One may run away from responsibilities when faced with progression of a relationship.

Having "childish" interests does not cause Peter Pan syndrome. Instead, this syndrome is about a refusal to take on responsibilities and form reciprocal relationships.

## Wendy Syndrome

Wendy Syndrome, much like Peter Pan syndrome, was a gender-specific term when coined, but, just like Peter Pan syndrome, applies to every gender.

Wendy syndrome can include a partner, friend or caregiver. This is when one enables someone with Peter Pan syndrome.

## References

https://www.healthline.com/health/peter-pan-syndrome

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/peter-pan-syndrome-when-adults-refuse-to-grow-up-113018

Massie, J. (2019), Medical conditions revealed in fairy tales, folklore and literature. J Paediatr Child Health, 55: 1295-1298. https://doi.org/10.1111/jpc.14615

https://psychcentral.com/health/peter-pan-syndrome