As A Child Of Divorce/Confessionals

## Day 4

and literally JP asks me about the trials right away..
i'm suspicious because like
why go there that quick? he could've v well found the spot because he legit said he wasn't going to look in A because it was the sky and the idol is A3.. the good news is my best guess would be in three hours so i'm going to pretend that's when i find it and like my first instinct was to tell him rather than being a mess like i am now and not fessing up..
i know rule one of survivor is information is power. don't give it up. but the thing is JP is going to know i have this idol regardless of whether i tell him by the nature of the trial system, so i'd rather beat fate to the punch and tell him tonight because if he finds out from me, it could be consolidating our bond. if he finds out from ""this is an empty spot. someone has the idol"", i've driven a wedge between us.
i'm really hoping he wouldn't use that to screw me over, but we'll see. i'm nervous about even waiting three hours because if he's found the spot, he'll know i lied but it'll be a white lie so hopefully he can overlook it in the greater scheme of things JHDSKF.. like in a worst case scenario, i'll flush it premerge or asap when necessary because i'd rather be idol-free and have trust than have an idol and no trust. basically to elaborate - if i have an idol and jp wants to make a move against me, a really good way for him to turn people on me is to let them know about it, because it makes it look like i'm with-holding information i'd give out to other people from them
also i'll do impressions on the marpesia people soon!! v tired rn because my game is literally ?? so fast. i have an idol and i was just kidnapped like i need to breathe LMFAO.. i am just trying to make this merge lmfaoooooo."

everything in me says ""don't do this."" he could go straight to anabel and byron and turn them on me in a heart beat but we're the only two on trial five so it's like.. he's going to know regardless and either way it can be spun against me, so i'm really going to take a leap of faith here and tell him instead of letting him find out. this idol has to go though. at first it was a blessing but it's really a curse because it's public in a sense.
this is like.. the ugly paranoia i feel as a result of my last game where i was too trusting and people took advantage of it.. i just want to play a nice clean game and i already kinda feel yikes vibes bc if morena is kidnapped and we don't have an easy boot, i might be really stuck ): or even worse someone could take a premature shot because if i get to f4 of this tribe with an idol and someone else is kidnapped, i'm the swing vote and honestly, i'd use that position to take a shot. so ya.. i'm a mess what's new!!"

anyways, onto marpesia impressions!! first off, none of them have done trial two which is like.. wild LMFAO! if i can swap onto that tribe, i'd be so happy bc maybe i fast forward to the fifth trial again?
isabel - ugh i'm so happy she's tribe leader this round because if they win and we lose, i'm nearly sure she'd kidnap me again, which would suck for the third tribal, but i'd just be happy to be safe. we clicked well! i knew her a bit before this and we just had like fetch convos and good energy!
spencer - um a vibe! he was really nice to me but we didn't talk too much? i think he had work for most of the time period so that's understandable!
edvin - he's v lowkey which took me a second to adjust to but he's funny n iconic so looking forward to getting to know him more if i make swap!
phoenix - omg i like him! he was the one who picked me and apparently it wasn't randomized so i get good vibes.. i def had to like. PUSH our convo forward but it is what it is
abi - she's a very lovely person! we didn't get to talk too much compared to the others, but she's such a nice person! not the ""omg iconic"" ""jhskdhjkshjk"" type which i usually get along with in these!
who am i forgetting ahhh
andrew - omg SDHJHJSDFK.. our convos were so fcking cracked he gives me vincent vibes which like.. is a vibe JKFDHJKKS. like i accidentally asked to share molly with his tribe and he didn't know what that was and then he sent me the dictionary definition of my name like whew a wild ride with that one!!
so ya.. i'm debating telling anabel about the idol too because she's my #1 on this tribe and i don't want to lose that bc i know she and jp are probably close too so he could use it to drive a wedge! but idk loose lips sink ships and my personality is enough of a shipwreck as it is! i'm really hoping i can form majority with her and JP but like.. i'm nervous that it formed with her, byron, and JP and i'm on the outs.. tho for an easy boot like aaron that might be a formality and she did imply she got nervous bc i wasn't at tribal so hopefully that means i'm her closest ally too whew!! also like.. i've already been kidnapped, found an idol, leaked it, like is trying to lead a majority doing too much JSJSJ.. my goal was to be UTR and i feel like sm has happened and it's only day 4 KHJSDHKF
so ya - best case scenario is i have two really strong bonds with JP and anabel with morena as an easy boot
worst case scenario is i'm in a tough spot because i was kidnapped and these people realize if i'm at the f4 of this tribe with an idol (one person is kidnapped), i decide who goes automatically and that's a lot of power! so rn i'm just going to gun for immunities and keep tribal out of the picture!! really hoping we swap soon."

## Day 5

And they toon Jake. Again!
If next round is a double tribal I'm gonna die."

idek what to say abt this like.. i'm so happy i built up a strong enough bond with isabel that she saved me and i'm not sure it was a tribe consensus situation since some of them seemed shocked so i'm not sure that i'm like.. their fave but i am building bonds here!!
morena is definitely leaving on valasca like.. it's not even a question!! i'm probably actually going to try to talk to everyone tonight because tribal might go by super quick JKHDSHJKFHJKSDHKJ.
i'm not sure if i can rely on being kidnapped again if we lose, but i do know i can survive the next tribal council because with one person kidnapped, there are only three of us and if i idol myself, i become the swing vote instantaneously because:
if i receive votes from person A and person B, i negate both. if person A votes person B who votes me but i vote person A, it's a 1-1-0 tie and i get to pick on the revote. basically, no matter what i become the deciding vote which is lit because i'd honestly use the opportunity to take out a threat JJSJSJSJS aka jp > byron > anabel! that's kinda the anti-thesis of a valasca strong mentality but the thing is.. if we're going to be down to three, valasca isn't going to be strong so that mentality isn't what i should play the game with! at that point, i need to think long and hard about who i'd be kept over in a swap because we're all going to be in a shitty spot in the swap! and i think i could integrate better than byron socially, better than anabel in challenges, but i'm not entirely sure i beat jp in some of those departments because he has shown himself to be socially savvy in the tribe chat and strategically savvy with the idol situation!
idk how i feel about that move though like i really might need that idol down the road, but the thing is i haven't been to a tribal w/ these people yet!! and i'm not in any alliances so beyond their word, i have no reason to trust them and they have no reason to trust me!! it wouldn't be seen as a bad move given the circumstance i don't think! furthermore, the marpesia idol is out there and i could always pray i get swapped there and snatch that!
as of right now, both jp and anabel have called me their closest ally so i'm like.. hoping that's a testament to our bond and that i'm not being buttered up for a blindside. i believe anabel, i'm not sure about jp? like anabel and i have talked nonstop, including strategy, whereas with jp we both push to keep the conversation going? so maybe there's a chance i don't need the idol and both would keep me over the other but like.. i'd honestly be really shook if i socially integrated to that degree without attending tribals so it just doesn't feel plausible! i'm positive byron would vote me in any scenario next so! if it's me, anabel, and byron i'd honestly tell her to vote me while i idol myself so we look less tight than we are!
so ya.. i'm going to try to win immunity like there's no reason to throw we're already down in numbers and being.. more down won't do anything! but if we go to tribal again and i'm there, i'm not sure if i should pull out all the stops and wild given how rollercoaster-esque my game has been or if i should try to play it safe? but last time i played safe, i was sorry and i'm not going to be sorry again. "