The Catwizard Show

## Characters

* CATWIZARD… himself
* DAEPICGAMER261… cafeteria worker
* COOKIEGIRL77… cafeteria worker
* JONNYLEGOBOY911… random actor
* CATLUVR04… restaurant singer
* BENBOY755… Huckleberry Finn
* SKULDUGGERY773… Tom Sawyer
* AWESOMEPYTHOR… Joe Harper
* WEBKINZBEANIE101… Injun Joe
* SAM8432… Sid Sawyer
* IZZYBE5… Aunt Polly
* TOLKIENNERDS… Becky Thatcher
* MICHAELYODA… Judge Thatcher
* NINJAGOGIRL72… Amy Lawrence
* BREANNATHEGREATKID… Mary
* PACMAN87… Ben Rogers
* KED830… Sereny Harper
* LEGOTHETERRIBLE… Muff Potter
* QMTFIVE… Dr. Robinson
* 14PADME… Widow Douglas
* JESUSCHRISTFOLLOWER… bit part
* BLUEDRAGON109… bit part
* YOLEGOGIRL… bit part
* ROBIN\_GO… bit part

## Chapter 1

\*Lights flash on over a stage\*

\*Cameras start rolling\*

\*A man runs onto the stage\*

The man is curiously attired, wearing a blue suede suit. However, his headgear is even more peculiar. He wears a caution cone, duct taped to his head.

Man: Thank you for tuning into the Catwizard Show! I'm Catwizard! Sorry we've been off the air for the past few nights, but instead of a prerecorded program I'm coming to you live! We've had an exciting week here, Cicada's just released the June newsletter! In this special live program I'll cover all the excitement of the newsletter.

\*Catwizard pulls a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket\*

Catwizard: This past month The Write Like a Ninja contest ended!

\*He glances at the paper\*

Catwizard: Uhhh... also, there were..uh... two editors picks, anddd... a lot of other stuff happened. Pick up a copy of the newsletter and see for yourself! And that's all for tonight! I'll be back tomorrow with more, exciting programming! Stay tuned.

\*Catwizard jumps from the stage, hustles down several flights of stairs and through several hallways, and arrives in a small cafeteria where two men in cowboy hats sit at a table\*

Catwizard: Hey Ben. Hey Skul. The show's failing. Keighlian's gonna cut us if we don't get a good program. We kinda blew it with "Luke and Bacon." Have any ideas?

Ben: The MB Office was good in May, how can he ditch our show for just one bad month?

Skul: Think about June.

Ben: Ehhh, true. We need to come up with something really good.

Catwizard: I know. And I'm out of ideas.

Skul: How about redoing one of the classics? How about Lord of the Rings?

Catwizard: Nah, it has to be an American classic.

\*Skul glares at Catwizard\*

Ben: How about The Adventures of Tom Sawyer?

\*Catwizard contemplates this, adjusting the caution cone\*
Catwizard: Excellent! I think I already have a few ideas for actors to hire...

Skul: We are so going to regret this...

## Chapter 2

\*The next morning\*

\*Skul and Ben walk into the cafeteria to find a few people gathered around Catwizard\*

Skul: So you were actually serious about hiring actors.

\*Ben chuckles\*
Ben: When isn't he serious?

Skul: I can think of a few times...

Catwizard: Guys, I've actually rehired AP. Remember him from June?

Skul: How could I forget.

AP: Hi guys!
\*AP shakes Ben's hand\*
\*Skul recoils\*

Catwizard: Also, Webby!

\*A man in a safari jacket shakes hands with Ben and Skul\*

Catwizard: Sam!

\*A man wearing a chef's hat waves to Ben and Skul\*

Catwizard: And these three were the only ones I was able to hire overnight. Of course, I have roles planned for you two as well.

Skul: Great.

Catwizard: You get to be Tom Sawyer himself.

\*Skul rolls his eyes\*

Ben: Who will I be?

Catwizard: You'll have to wait and see...

Ben: Hey, you told Skul!

\*Catwizard chuckles\*

## Chapter 3

\*Ben and Catwizard walk down a hallway\*

Ben: So you have the auditions all ready to go?

Catwizard: That I do. This seems promising.

\*They enter the auditorium to find only ten people waiting to audition\*

Ben: You call this promising?

Catwizard: Shut up. All I did was put a sign on the curb for this.

Ben: The same curb you got your hat from?

\*Catwizard rolls his eyes\*
\*Catwizard sits behind a desk, Ben joins him\*

Catwizard addresses the auditorium: Ok, what are your names?

\*Names are stated\*

Michael Yoda.

Paccy.

Ked.

Tolk.

NG.

Breanna.

Padme.

QMT.

Terrible.

Izzybe.

\*Catwizard shuffles around the papers on his desk and adjusts the duct tape on the caution cone\*

Catwizard: You're all hired.

Ben: Do we need any more actors?

Catwizard: I'm not sure....

Catwizard addresses his new actors: Report in at the cafeteria tomorrow morning! I'll have the scripts ready.

## Chapter 4

\*The next morning\*

\*Skul and Ben stand behind the cafeteria counter, serving Catwizard's thirteen new actors\*

Skul: I think we should hire some cafeteria workers, my salary doesn't cover this.

Ben: I agree.

\*Catwizard sneaks up behind them\*
Catwizard: You two are never satisfied. However, I have an idea.

\*Ben and Skul groan\*

Catwizard: To bring in some extra money, I'm going to open the production studio cafe to the public. Maybe some future actors will be brought to us through food!

Ben: Implying you'll actually serve good food.

Catwizard: Online I found two celebrity chefs available for hire!

\*Catwizard shows Ben and Skul something on his smartphone\*

Skul: What even is that website?

Catwizard: They'll be starting tomorrow. Your days of serving are over!

Ben: I don't know whether to be thrilled or terrified.

\*After his actors are done eating, Catwizard jumps onto a chair, smacking his caution cone hat into a light fixture\*

Catwizard (from the safety of the floor) : In order to get this show on the air, we're going to start filming right away. Follow me to the set!

\*They walk down several winding corridors and arrive at a nineteenth century home, strangely out of place in a modern television set, with sophisticated cameras clustered around\*

Ben: Now I understand why you why you were so cheap with the actors. How did you even get this thing here?

Catwizard: Most of the rest is green screen.

Ben: But... how did you get it here?

Catwizard: Magic.

Ben: Of course....

\*Catwizard pulls out a clipboard\*

Catwizard: For the first scene I'll need Skul, Sam, and Izzy.
\*Catwizard hands out scripts\*

Ben: This seems rushed.

Catwizard: Start rolling the cameras.

Ben: Really rushed.

## Chapter 5

\*The rushed show begins to be filmed\*

\*Skul plays the role of Tom Sawyer, Sam his brother Sid, and Izzy his aunt Polly\*

\*Catwizard directs\*

\*Skul performs many antics, gets in trouble with Izzy, Sam gets him in more trouble, and he trapezes throughout Catwizard's nineteenth century house\*

\*After about an hour or two filled with cuts, Catwizard declares the filming a success\*

Catwizard: This is one of my best show openers yet, I can't wait to see it on TV. We need to get the rest of this recorded!

Ben: Can't we take a break?

Catwizard: You weren't acting! Why do you deserve a break?

Skul: What about me?

Catwizard: Fine. Ben, stay here.

\*Everyone goes back to the cafeteria. Even Ben.\*

\*Two people are standing behind the cafeteria counter\*

Ben: Who are these people?

Catwizard: I thought I told you to stay at the set.

Webby: You're terrible at answering questions.

Terrible: Oh no! Don't blame poor Terrible!

Yoda: What even?

\*Catwizard interrupts\*
Catwizard: It appears that our new cafeteria workers have arrived for work a day early! Meet CookieGirl and EpicGamer!

Tolk: What kind of names are those?

Skul: He hired them off the internet.

Cookie: Do you want some cookies? I even have gluten free cookies!!!

\*Everyone eats cookies\*

Ben: It seems that you've done something good for once, Catwizard.

Catwizard: The MB Office wasn't good?

Ben: Besides that.

\*Catwizard huffs angrily\*
Catwizard: Ok people, back to the set, we've only covered the first chapter of the book!

\*Everyone groans\*

Catwizard: Remember, you're getting paid for this.

\*Groaning lessens slightly\*

## Chapter 6

\*Everyone goes back to the set\*

\*Catwizard produces a battered copy of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer\*

Catwizard: All right, in chapter two Tom Sawyer tricks the neighborhood boys into doing work for him. I'll need Skul, Izzy, Sam, Paccy, and AP for this scene.

Ben: When am I ever going to get a role?

Catwizard: Patience, Ben. You have the best role!

Ben: But you haven't even told me what it is yet!

\*Catwizard smiles evilly\*

Michael Yoda: I don't like the look of that.

\*Paccy plays the role of Tom's friend Ben Rogers, and AP plays his other friend, Joe Harper\*

\*After an hour or two a short scene of fence painting is recorded, Skul comes away richer\*

Catwizard: Ok, we need to pick up the pace. On to chapter three!

\*Catwizard skims the book\*

Catwizard: It would seem that we need more actors.

Skul: I knew this thing was going to be a fail, you didn't even read the book first.

\*The caution cone suddenly falls off Catwizard's head\*

Catwizard: I just had an idea! I'll be right back!

\*Catwizard starts to run from the set, remembers his headgear at the last second, and doubles back for it before hurrying out\*

AP: What was that all about?

Webby: As if he's ever made sense.

Ked: I wonder when he'll be back?

\*Catwizard suddenly bursts back into the set, followed by six people\*

QMT: Who are these people?

\*Catwizard gestures towards the new people\*

Catwizard: Well, you recognize Cookie and EpicGamer, and these are Ron Bingo, Blue, JCF, and YoLegoGirl!

Izzy: What kind of name is YoLegoGirl?

YoLegoGirl: I'm a better rapper than you!

LTT: I don't like rap.

Skul: Ok then...

Catwizard: Now we have enough actors for the next scene!

Ben: But where did you get these people from?

Catwizard: Oh, they were at the cafeteria.

Ben: And you convinced them to do this?

Catwizard: I'll pay them, of course.

Ben: If this show isn't a complete failure you'll pay them, you mean.

Catwizard: Shhhh.

## Chapter 7

Catwizard: In this scene I shall compile chapters three through seven, we need to abridge things. Our new actors will have bit parts for the schoolhouse scenes. Tolk will be Becky Thatcher, Michael Yoda her father Judge Thatcher. NG will be Amy Lawrence, and Breanna will be Tom's cousin Mary. And Ben - you're Huckleberry Finn.

Ben: You're right, I do have the best role.

\*Some time later, after Skul pursues his heart and engages in numerous other escapades on the set, the time comes for Ben's first appearance\*

\*Catwizard hands Ben a ceramic cat\*

Catwizard: You'll need this in the scene between you and Skul.

\*Ben looks at the cat\*

Ben: Where did you get this? This is one fancy ceramic cat.

Catwizard: I have like fifty ceramic cats in my house. Now, ACTION!

\*The scene begins with Ben standing on the side of a road holding the cat. Skul saunters up.\*

Skul (in character) : Say, what is ceramic cats good for Benny?

\*Skul whispers\* : This is so stupid.

Catwizard: CUT! NO WHISPERED COMMENTS!

\*They successfully complete the scene, and Skul continues off to school for more adventures and heartbreaks\*

\*While Skul takes the limelight, Ben and AP stand together off the camera, watching\*

Ben: I suppose this production is halfway decent, what do you think, AP?

\*AP does not respond, Ben notices him looking at one of the actresses Catwizard recruited from the cafeteria\*

Ben: Oh jeez.

\*Cookie suddenly appears beind him\*

Cookie: Do you want a gluten-free cookie???

Webby: This is one of the strangest things I've ever been involved in.

Catwizard: All right, I think we'll call it a day! Nice work everyone! See you in the morning.

\*AP is the last one to leave, besides Skul, Ben, and Catwizard\*

Skul: What's up with that guy, he seems up in the clouds.

Ben: You should talk to him tomorrow.

Skul: Why do I always have to do this stuff...

## Chapter 8

\*The next day everyone has assembled in the studio, ready for another day of filming\*

Catwizard: In Tom Sawyer, Tom, Joe, and Huck run off to a deserted island to escape the troubles of the world.

\*Through the marvels of green screen, Catwizard puts Skul, AP, and Ben on a deserted island\*

Ben: I'm glad he didn't actually have an island in here, the house was weird enough.

\*Suddenly a commotion sounds from the door of the set\*

EpicGamer: Some crazy guy in medieval armor is trying to get in!

QMT: Is that the esteemed Jonathan Trollsbane???

Crazy guy in medieval armor: It is I, the one and only!

Catwizard: What are you doing here?

Jonathan: Isn't "Mythron History" being filmed here today?

Catwizard: Uh, no.

\*Jonathan begins arguing with Catwizard, the actors begin talking to each other; Ben, AP, and Skul are alone on the set\*

Skul: So, Apey, you seemed distracted yesterday.

AP: Ummmmm... yeah.

Skul: Thinking about JCF, that actress Catwizard just hired?

AP: Was it that obvious?

\*Ben chuckles\*

Skul: Yeah.

AP: Brick. Hey, Skul, could you help me? I want to talk to her but can't work up the nerve, could you invite her out to dinner with us or something?

Ben: Ok, I'm done.

Skul: Uh sure, Apey, I can do that.

Catwizard: I finally convinced that lunatic we weren't recording some weird medieval fantasy today, now, back to filming!

\*After a few hours of filming, Skul, Ben, and AP get involved in numerous escapades on the island, then grow weary of isolation and eventually return to civilization\*

Catwizard: I've changed a few things around from the original plot, as you will notice, the island scene came before the graveyard. We will film that and more tomorrow.

\*Everyone goes home for the day, much spooked by the mention of a graveyard\*

\*Skul approaches JCF before she leaves\*

Skul: Would you like to go out to dinner with AP and me?

JCF: Errrr, no, I have plans, maybe some other time.

\*JCF hurries away\*

AP: Ask her again tomorrow.

Skul: Give up.

AP: I can't.

\*Ben laughs\*

## Chapter 9

\*Everyone returns to the studio the next day to record the graveyard scene\*

\*Catwizard has placed a disconcerting number of tombstones around the set\*

Ron Bingo: Where did you get all these?

Catwizard: I procured them through magic.

Ked: I don't like the sound of that...

Ben: So, Catwizard, who's going to be the villain Joe?

Catwizard: Webby will be Joe, Terrible will be Muff Potter, and QMT will be Dr. Robinson.

Webby: Seriously?

Catwizard: Yeah, I thought you'd fit the role.

Webby: At least I'm being paid for this.

\*The graveyard scene is filmed, Skul's and Ben's characters leave with nightmares, and QMT's not at all\*

Catwizard: We don't have much left to film. Next we'll shoot some more scenes of Skul at school.

Cookie: Catwizard, do you want a cookie first???

Catwizard: What? No.

\*Cookie walks away dejected\*

\*More scenes of Skul at school are shot\*

Catwizard: We will now be filming Skul and Ben's hunt for buried treasure. After several failed attempts at locating anything, they stumble upon the lair of Webby, where he's holed up with some treasure. After learning he's been discovered he moves out, and Ben and Skul eventually lose hope of discovering the treasure.

\*This is filmed\*

Catwizard: All right, you've all done a good job today. Tomorrow we can finish this up.

\*Everyone moves to leave\*

Skul: JCF would you like to go out to dinner with AP and me?

JCF: Uhhh, not tonight, sorry.

AP: Ask again tomorrow.

Skul: Aren't you the persistent one....

\*Ben laughs\*

## Chapter 10

\*Everyone arrives for the final day of filming\*

Catwizard: I think we're actually going to pull this thing off, great work people. Today we'll film the final scenes of the book - those involving the cave and Widow Douglas. Ked will be Mrs. Harper, Michael Yoda Judge Thatcher, and Padme Widow Douglas.

\*Scenes are filmed, Skul and Tolk are lost in a cave, Benboy saves Padme, Webby meets his end, and Skul and Ben become rich\*

Ben: I can't believe we finished it.

Catwizard: And you didn't believe that this would be better than The MB Office.

Skul: Well it hasn't made it to the screens yet...

Catwizard: I've been editing it, and it will debut tomorrow night!

Padme: Great, I'm excited to see what we've made!

Skul: I hope Keighlian likes it.

AP: He has to!

Catwizard: Let's just assume he will... and start planning next month's show!

\*Several people leave at that statement\*

Catwizard: I'll send you your pay for this in the mail!

Ben: If this actually makes us money.

Catwizard: Would you like to help me make the final edits to the show, Ben?

Ben: Sure.

\*Ben and Catwizard disappear down the labyrinth of hallways\*

\*The remaining actors leave until only Skul, AP, and JCF are left\*

\*AP stares at Skul\*

\*Skul rolls his eyes\*

Skul: JCF, would you like to go out to dinner with AP and I to celebrate the completion of this project?

\*JCF is silent for several moments\*

\*AP squirms uncomfortably\*

JCF: Sure, why not, if it will make you two happy.

\*AP lets loose a relieved sigh\*

## Chapter 11

\*Ben and Catwizard sit at a table in a restaurant, scanning the menu\*

Ben: The grilled tuna sounds good.

Catwizard: Not as good as this performance.

\*Catwizard gestures toward a stage in the corner where the famous Miss Catluvr is singing\*

Ben: We're here to eat, Catwizard.

\*Catwizard continues to glance at Catluvr as he chooses his dinner from the menu\*

\*After they order their food, Catwizard produces a worn notebook from under his headgear\*

Catwizard: I've been thinking of ideas for our next show.

Ben: Really?

\*Catwizard begins to drone about acrobats and snake charmers as Ben's eyes rove around the restaurant\*

Ben: Hey, is that JCF walking towards us?

\*Catwizard looks at the woman approaching them\*

Catwizard: It would appear so.

\*JCF stalks by their table towards the exit, muttering "both of those guys are idiots, why did I have to go out to dinner with them, whyyy" under her breath\*

Ben: That was curious.

Catwizard: Anyways, as I was saying, the caravan-

\*Catwizard breaks off as Skul storms past their table, not seeming to notice Ben and Catwizard, which seems impossible with Catwizard's caution cone hat\*

Catwizard: Where was I? The caravan?

\*Catwizard is interrupted yet again with the arrival of their food\*

\*As they eat, Ben brings up ideas for a show\*

Ben: I think a bald man on a hunt for a mysterious ancient relic would be captivating.

Catwizard: You need more in the plot than that. Why does he want the relic? What kind of character is he?

\*The two fall into silence as Ben contemplates\*

Ben: Hey, have you noticed how many glasses of chocolate milk the waiters have been taking to the back of the restaurant?

Catwizard: Yeah, let's have a look.

\*Catwizard stands up, smacking his headgear on a light fixture\*

Catwizard: I can't believe it, AP's in the back downing glasses of chocolate milk!

\*Catwizard returns to his seat\*

\*Suddenly a familiar young woman approaches their table\*

Cookie: Would either of you like a cookie before you pay your bill?

Ben and Catwizard: AHHHHHHHHH

THE END