Plot Generator/Arrogant Sea Monster by Julius Gorbachev

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 Arrogant Sea Monster
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 A Screenplay by Julius Gorbachev
**INT. GYPSU'S HOUSE - AFTERNOON**

Gracious private detective SYTTU SAKJAR SARAYNOUS is arguing with
popular nurse BLACK CHOCOLATE DELICIOUS TASTES GOOD. SAKJAR tries to hug
 DELICIOUS but she shakes him off.

SAKJAR

Please Delicious, don't leave me.
DELICIOUS

I'm sorry Sakjar, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
SAKJAR

I am such a person!
DELICIOUS frowns.

DELICIOUS

I'm sorry, Sakjar. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
DELICIOUS leaves.

SAKJAR sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, hilarious private detective BAINUS GYPSUS SANDUS barges in looking flustered.

SAKJAR

Goodness, Gypsus! Is everything okay?
GYPSUS

I'm afraid not.
SAKJAR

What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
GYPSUS

It's ... a sea monster ... I saw an evil sea monster defecate on the cloth a bunch of political arguments!
SAKJAR

*Defenseless* political arguments?
GYPSUS

Yes, defenseless political arguments!
SAKJAR

Bloomin' heck, Gypsus! We've got to do something.
GYPSUS

I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
SAKJAR

You can start by telling me where this happened.
GYPSUS

I was...
GYPSUS fans himself and begins to wheeze.

SAKJAR

Focus Gypsus, focus! Where did it happen?
GYPSUS

Coolmax's weed camp! That's right - Coolmax's weed camp!
SAKJAR springs up and begins to run.

**EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS**

SAKJAR rushes along the street, followed by GYPSUS. They take a short
 cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

**EXT. COOLMAX'S WEED CAMP - SHORTLY AFTER**

VICTORIOUS MOUSE an arrogant sea monster terrorises two political arguments.

SAKJAR, closely followed by GYPSUS, rushes towards VICTORIOUS, but suddenly stops in his tracks.

GYPSUS

What is is? What's the matter?
SAKJAR

That's not just any old sea monster, that's Victorious Mouse!
GYPSUS

Who's Victorious Mouse?
SAKJAR

Who's Victorious Mouse? *Who's Victorious Mouse?* Only the most arrogant sea monster in the universe!
GYPSUS

Blinkin' knickers, Sakjar! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most arrogant sea monster in the universe!
SAKJAR

You can say that again.
GYPSUS

Blinkin' knickers, Sakjar! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most arrogant sea monster in the universe!
SAKJAR

I'm going to need guns, lots of guns.
Victorious turns and sees Sakjar and Gypsus. He grins an evil grin.

VICTORIOUS

Sakjar Saraynous, we meet again.
GYPSUS

You've met?
SAKJAR

Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

**EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME**

A young SAKJAR is sitting in a park listening to some jazz music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.

He looks up and sees VICTORIOUS. He takes off his headphones.

VICTORIOUS

Would you like some chocolate?
SAKJAR's eyes light up, but then he studies VICTORIOUS more closely, and looks uneasy.

SAKJAR

I don't know, you look kind of arrogant.
VICTORIOUS

Me? No. I'm not arrogant. I'm the least arrogant sea monster in the world.
SAKJAR

Wait, you're a sea monster?
SAKJAR runs away, screaming.

**EXT. COOLMAX'S WEED CAMP - PRESENT DAY**

VICTORIOUS

You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
GYPSUS

(To SAKJAR) You ran away?
SAKJAR

(To GYPSUS) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
SAKJAR turns to VICTORIOUS.

SAKJAR

I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
SAKJAR runs away.

He turns back and shouts.

SAKJAR

I mean, I *am* running away, but I'll be back - *with guns*.
VICTORIOUS

I'm not scared of you.
SAKJAR

You should be.

**EXT. A GIANT CAULDRON - LATER THAT DAY**

SAKJAR and GYPSUS walk around searching for something.

SAKJAR

I feel sure I left my guns somewhere around here.
GYPSUS

Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly guns.
SAKJAR

You know nothing Gypsus Sandus.
GYPSUS

We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
Suddenly, VICTORIOUS appears, holding a pair of guns.

VICTORIOUS

Looking for something?
GYPSUS

Crikey, Sakjar, he's got your guns.
SAKJAR

Tell me something I don't already know!
GYPSUS

The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
SAKJAR

I know that already!
GYPSUS

I once drunk pee by accident.
VICTORIOUS

(appalled) Dude!
While VICTORIOUS is looking at GYPSUS with disgust, SAKJAR lunges
forward and grabs his deadly guns. He wields them, triumphantly.

SAKJAR

Prepare to die, you arrogant carrot!
VICTORIOUS

No please! All I did was defecate on the cloth a bunch of political arguments!
DELICIOUS enters, unseen by any of the others.

SAKJAR

I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those political arguments were
 defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Sakjar

Saraynous defender of innocent political arguments.
VICTORIOUS

Don't hurt me! Please!
SAKJAR

Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these guns on you right away!
VICTORIOUS

Because Sakjar, I am your father.
SAKJAR looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.

SAKJAR

No you're not!
VICTORIOUS

Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
VICTORIOUS tries to grab the guns but SAKJAR dodges out of the way.

SAKJAR

Who's the daddy now? Huh? *Huh?*
Unexpectedly, VICTORIOUS slumps to the ground.

GYPSUS

Did he just faint?
SAKJAR

I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly guns.
SAKJAR crouches over VICTORIOUS's body.

GYPSUS

Be careful, Sakjar. It could be a trick.
SAKJAR

No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Victorious Mouse is dead!
SAKJAR

What?
SAKJAR

Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.
GYPSUS claps his hands.

GYPSUS

So your guns did save the day, after all.
DELICIOUS steps forward.

DELICIOUS

Is it true? Did you kill the arrogant sea monster?
SAKJAR

Delicious how long have you been...?
DELICIOUS puts her arm around SAKJAR.

DELICIOUS

Long enough.
SAKJAR

Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Victorious Mouse.
DELICIOUS

Then the political arguments are safe?
SAKJAR

It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable political arguments enter, looking relived.

DELICIOUS

You are their hero.
The political arguments bow to SAKJAR.

SAKJAR

There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that
Victorious Mouse will never defecate on the cloth political arguments

ever again, is enough for me.
DELICIOUS

You are humble as well as brave!
One of the political arguments passes SAKJAR a diamond ring

DELICIOUS

I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
SAKJAR

I couldn't possibly.
Pause.

SAKJAR

Well, if you insist.
SAKJAR takes the ring.

SAKJAR

Thank you.
The political arguments bow their heads once more, and leave.

SAKJAR turns to DELICIOUS.

SAKJAR

Does this mean you want me back?
DELICIOUS

Oh, Sakjar, of course I want you back!
SAKJAR smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

SAKJAR

Well you can't have me.
DELICIOUS

*WHAT?*
SAKJAR

You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a sea monster to death

before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
DELICIOUS

But...
SAKJAR

Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Gypsus.
GYPSUS grins.

DELICIOUS

But...
GYPSUS

You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
DELICIOUS

Sakjar?
SAKJAR

I'm sorry Delicious, but I think you *should* skidaddle.
DELICIOUS leaves.

GYPSUS turns to SAKJAR.

GYPSUS

Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
SAKJAR

Of course you are!
The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly GYPSUS stops.

GYPSUS

When I said I once drunk pee by accident, you know I was just trying to distract the sea monster don't you?
THE END