Blind Alley

**Blind Alley** is the third episode of Season 5 of *F is for Family*.

## Plot

Frank begrudgingly arrives at work eight minutes late for his 5:30am unpaid training shift on a rainy morning. He is met by Burke and Ed who reprimand him for his tardiness. Ed talks to Frank about the rage that he is holding onto and talks to him about his time in the Korean War, being held captive for 3 years, and how he turned his life around after the fact. He convinces Frank to give Ala-Hican a chance to which Frank reluctantly agrees. Over time, he studies the employee handbook and works efficiently at the airport. His hard work earned him the Ala-Hican Cuff Links of Competence. After returning home from work, Goomer asks Frank what to do about Big Bill’s possessions in his trailer. Frank tells him to get rid of it all. While taking Megan for a walk that evening, he finds a box marked “16” at the curb along with his father’s possessions; and takes it inside to find out the meaning behind his father’s final words. He talks to Nora on the phone about the contents of the box and she doesn’t care about Big Bill or the meaning of “Box 16”. She only requests that Frank send her an ashtray that Big Bill bought for her on their honeymoon from the box and tells him to stop digging up the past.

Meanwhile, Bill, JImmy and Phillip are ordered to attend the Boys ‘N’ Blue program to be junior officers for the next 8 Saturdays. Over time, the boys are taught by 2 corrupt officers how to clean guns, abuse prisoners, and bust taillights. While working as security at a concert, Bill is harassed by a concertgoer. To get back at him, Bill then lies to Officer Glanney about the man having marijuana in his possession. Kevin attends the concert with Alice and becomes very clingy when her friends mention an ex-boyfriend of hers. She becomes annoyed with him and they do not speak to each other for the car ride home.

Vic decides to become sober and focus on being a father. He tries to work together with Cutie Pie to raise Vic Jr., but Cutie Pie has very little interest. She later leaves Vic for Skeeball, claiming that Vic wanted the child and not her. While outside, he talks to Frank about how he will cope with being a single dad.

Bob Pogo (dressed like Colonel Sanders) announces the grand opening of Skinneees and offers a greasy, unhealthy, disgusting chicken-skin oriented menu (drinks and desserts included). He only gets one “customer”, a man who needs to use the restroom. He leaves when Bob tells him the restroom is for paying customers only. After an unsuccessful night, a disappointed Bob eats the chicken skins between sobs and presses the “customer served” button each time.

Maureen reads a book on ritualistic sacrifice to try and communicate with Big Bill and become Frank’s “princess” again. She also gets annoyed with having to watch Megan, who is fussing. When Frank comes home, Maureen ditches Megan with him and heads to the cemetery. Bridget and Maureen hold a seance and are scared off by Bobby emerging from a grave to retrieve a wristwatch.

While Maureen babysits, Sue tracks down Louis at a gay bar next to Skinneees. She apologizes to Louis for outing him in 1958 and invites him to Thanksgiving. He accepts, but quickly refuses when he hears that Stan will be there and that Sue wants them to reconcile. She then lies by telling him that Stan is dying and this could be his last Thanksgiving. Louis then agrees to come to The Murphy house for Thanksgiving.

## Quotes

**Frank Murphy**: (*muttering to himself while driving to work on a rainy early morning)* Fucking Saturday. Fucking crack of dawn. Fucking birds aren’t even awake. Goddamn Ed treats me like a slave. Unpaid fucking training. Fuck him. (*clocks in)* Smiling piece of shit. See how happy he is with my foot up his fucking ass. Fucking-

**Ed**: Morning Frank!

**Frank Murphy**: Jesus!

**Ed**: Frank, the coffee was ready at 5:30, but you weren’t.

**Burke**: Want me to make him stand out in the rain?

**Ed**: Oh, no. I don’t want to give Frank the achoo-ies. But I will have to give you the finger. *(Brushes his right index finger over his left index finger while giving Frank a stern look)*

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**Maureen Murphy**: *(to a fussy Megan*) Shut the fuck up.

**Frank Murphy**: Maureen!

**Maureen Murphy**: I wasn’t doing anything!

**Frank Murphy**: You do not tell a kid to shut the fuck up. That’s a parent’s job. (*Sits on sofa next to Maureen, holds Megan)* Now, sweetie, I know you’re still adjusting to having a new sibling, okay? But in time you’ll-

**Maureen Murphy**: Okay, bye, going to the graveyard! *(runs out the door)*

**Frank Murphy**: (*sighs*) *( to Megan)* will you please turn out normal?

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**Louis Chilson**: Sue, I taught you the fake crying bit. That doesn’t work on me.

## Trivia

* **Title Reference**: “Blind alley” is an idiom referring to a course of action leading nowhere. Examples include Frank trying to find out the meaning of “Box 16”, Maureen trying to resurrect Big Bill, and Sue trying to get Louis and Stan to get along. The idiom is referenced in a song played by Fanny at the concert and during the end credits.
* ”Cosa Mi Narri” from Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart opera The Marriage of Figaro is playing at the beginning of the episode over Randy’s radio. The DJ then announces the next song will be Rosini’s “The Theiving Magpie”.
* Bob Pogo is dressed as Colonel Sanders of the Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant chain.
* Skinneees (formerly Captain Chucklecrust’s and Captain Chucklethrust’s) is located at 1438 East Giuseppe Zangara Blvd in Rustland City. Giuseppe Zangara was an Italian immigrant who attempted to assassinate Franklin D. Roosevelt in 1933.
* The opening act for the concert, Bongwater & Spliff is a reference to Cheech & Chong.