Chapter Five

*(In the greenhouse… Kreep stalks Vladek, causing Vladek to run down the hall to Avis’s office and bang on the door.)*

Vladek: \***bangs his large hand on the door**\*

Kreep: \***tries its best to imitate the sound**\*

Vladek: STOP THAT!

Kreep: \***gently recoils**\* Bok.

Vladek: …

Avis: \***opens the door\*** Hey, you two!

Vladek: Avis, he won’t stop following me!

Avis: That’s because he doesn’t want you getting lost again.

Vladek: Wha-- Oh.

Avis: Yes, Kreep is the one who found you and brought you back here. He’s become rather protective of you.

Kreep: \***looks up at Vladek’s face**\* Bok.

Vladek: Look, Kreep. You don’t need to worry. Every time I walk into a saloon the music stops.

Avis: The saloons you can fit through the doors of, yes.

Vladek: \***twisted smile**\* Exactly.

Avis: Go on, Kreep. Leave V alone.

Kreep: Bok. \***politely nods and bounces away**\*

Avis: \***writes something at his desk**\*

Vladek: Whatcha working on?

Avis: Oh, that essay for the Great Minds on using the Xylon cuddlers as energy sources.

Vladek: Would you mind if I visited Roxie?

Avis: \***writes**\* No, go right ahead. No going into the forest after dark this time!

*(At Roxie’s cube… Vladek walks in, where he finds Roxie eating a strange, orange fruit that’s shaped like a pyramid.)*

Roxie: Welcome.

Vladek: \***smiles**\* Hey Roxie.

Roxie: \***very, very slowly bites the fruit-- just enough to remove a tiny bit of its skin. She chews extremely slowly, like a cow chewing cud**\* Come to ask more questions?

Vladek: I have. \***he looks at the flower on the coffee table. It’s now dead, and has about a million bite marks on the leaves**\* Looks like your bugs are effective.

Roxie: I knew they would be.

Vladek: \***sits on the couch**\* Avis told me you tried to join the Great Minds.

Roxie: …

Vladek: And he also told me you tried to tell everyone what was going on.

Roxie: I knew they wouldn’t listen. But I knew that *you* would.

Vladek: \***blinks**\* Why me?

Roxie: I don’t know. You just seemed more understanding. \***takes another bite of the fruit’s skin**\* I thought Avis would at least give my story a chance. But he didn’t.

Vladek: Avis is… An inconsistent individual.

Roxie: Agreed.

Vladek: Do you know what horvids are?

Roxie: Yes.

Vladek: Okay. Uh, what… Are they?

Roxie: They are beings from Hell.

Vladek: So… They’re evil?

Roxie: No. Just like how I don’t consider myself evil. You must let go of these implications that Hell is some kind of punishment for humans. \***takes another bit of the fruit**\* I do not know why Earth is linked to Hell through death. But it does lead me to believe that other beings may come to Earth after their death in another world.

Vladek: \***shakes his head, trying to comprehend all of this**\* So Hell is like… Another planet?

Roxie: Yes.

Vladek: …

Roxie: Don’t you have a meeting tonight?

Vladek: Yeah… I guess I’d better get ready...

*(In the greenhouse… Elanor continues making her notes…)*

Vladek: \***walks beside her, hands in his pockets**\* Not much daylight left. And we have a meeting in a few minutes.

Elanor: I know. I’ll be leaving soon. \***she puts her notebook into her bag**\* You’ve been spending a lot of time with Roxie Martin lately, haven’t you?

Vladek: We’re friends.

Elanor: \***smirk**\* She’s a pretty good artist, but don’t you think she’s a little strange?

Vladek: \***starts turning on the oil lamps**\* Not the strangest I’ve seen. That award would go to Avis. I actually find Roxie to be quite intelligent.

Elanor: Oh?

Vladek: Yep. She has a wonderful theory on how a lot of these plants here exist. I couldn’t follow a lot of her logic though. Microbiology isn’t my specialty.

Elanor: …

Vladek: Nor is evolutionary biology.

Elanor: What are you getting at, Dr. Fray?

Vladek: Look. I know everyone’s a little concerned about Avis’s more… Bloodthirsty finds. Where they came from. And strange things happening around the town. Rainbow has refused to look into any of that stuff, but I think we had better investigate.

Elanor: \***looks at the carnivorous Wendy, which appears to be sleeping**\* …

Vladek: Roxie isn’t as crazy as you think she is.

Elanor: What do you want me to do?

Vladek: Ask Grey where she came from. Aren’t you two good friends?

Elanor: Yes… I always thought it was rude to ask her about such things.

Vladek: Please?

Elanor: \***nods**\* Alright. I will.

*(At the Great Minds meeting...)*

Rainbow: Thank you, Mel, for that wonderful explanation of how we know the moon is round. And your dance was lovely.

Mel: \***nods and walks off, wearing a black leotard and dripping sweat**\*

Mel: **\*whispers\*** Dr. Fray?

Vladek: ??? Oh, hi, Mel.

Mel: Can we speak for a moment?

Vladek: Uh, yeah. Sure. \***they quietly walk just outside the meeting room as Rainbow stares daggers at them**\* What’s up?

Mel: \***looks around and lowers their voice**\* It’s about Roxie.

Vladek: Roxie Martin?

Mel: \***nods**\* Avis tried to get her to join us, you know.

Vladek: He told me a little about that.

Mel: \***puts their hands behind their back**\* Rainbow was quite rude to her. Just attacked her right on the spot. Avis was so embarrassed…

Vladek: Why?

Mel: Because he really believed in her, and everyone thought she was crazy. Listen. I believe Roxie is correct about Hell, and I want to know more about her theory. She was kicked out so quick she didn’t get a platform to talk about her ideas.

Vladek: ...You believe her?

Mel: \***nods**\*

Vladek: So do I.

Mel: Keep this between you and me, okay? Roxie is onto something huge, but she has the mind of an artist, not a scientist. I’m going to run the scientific method on some of her theories. Do you think you could get some of her material for me?

Vladek: No offense, but why can’t you get it from her?

Mel: She doesn’t trust any of us at the Great Minds. She probably thinks I’m just trying to ridicule her even more.

Vladek: I understand. And yes, I absolutely will get more from her. The only problem is…

Mel: What?

Vladek: I’m terrified of what you’re going to find out.

Mel: Me too. Also, you remember Skip?

Vladek: Oh yes, the young man who could do a handstand.

Mel: Skip is a fierce believer in other dimensions. He will be helping me as well.

Vladek: Wait a moment. Roxie was thrown out by Rainbow… But some of you agreed with her?

Mel: Rainbow’s a great leader but he has a tendency to be a bit too closed-minded.

Vladek: What is it exactly that you need me to get from Roxie?

Mel: Her thesis. It’s written down but Rainbow destroyed all copies of it here.

Vladek: Okay, next time I see her, I’ll find it. I promise.

*(At the mansion, the next morning… A strange man knocks on the front door. He’s tall, thin, and very pale. He’s holding a silver cane topped with a pink jewel. He’s wearing a very nice black paisley suit with pink harlequin-printed lace up booties on his feet. He has many pink and blue stoned bracelets on his wrists, just above his white gloves. His hair is silver-white, and he has tons of it going down to about his rear. His hair is incredibly well-groomed and tied back, though there are some pieces that gracefully fall just around his ears. His eyes are a sparkling green and he appears to be wearing mascara, pink lipstick, and blush…)*

Vladek: \***opens the door and is shocked-- not by the man’s choice of dress, but by the fact that he is the closest person to his own height that he has ever met**\* Oh-- Oh! Hello! \***smiles warmly**\* Can I help you?

Harlow: \***smiles so wide that it’s a bit unsettling. He speaks with a very thin British accent**\* Why yes you can! My name is Harlow Buffy! I’m an entepru-- An on-ter-pre-- ...I’m a businessman! And I buy and sell property around the world. I have a meeting today with a Mr. Avis Garfield. Is he in?

Vladek: Oh no. Is Avis planning to expand the greenhouse?

Harlow: \***looks at his pocketwatch, then puts it back into his waistcoat**\* From the letters he’s sent me he seems more interested in *selling* the greenhouse!

Vladek: ...Uh… Uh? You sure?

Avis’s Voice: Vladek? Who is it?

Vladek: Harlow Buffy?

Avis: Ooh! \***he runs down the stairs and stands beside Vladek**\* Oh! Nice to meet you! \***excitedly shakes Harlow’s gloved hand\*** This is my friend, Vladek! He’s trying to find a cure for disease in my plants!

Vladek: Actually, I’m trying to find cures for human diseases from your plants--

Avis: Come on, let’s get to the greenhouse!

Harlow: Smashing!

*(At the greenhouse…)*

Vladek: \***whispers to Avis**\* Why are you talking to some fancy guy about selling the greenhouse?

Avis: \***whispers back**\* Rainbow is giving me more responsibility at the Great Minds. I need someone to manage my estate when I’m not here. I plan to sell it to Buffy, who will have his own staff come in to take care of it.

Vladek: Oh! \***smiles**\* Avis, that’s a great idea! You spend far too much time here…

Harlow: \***walks around, completely in awe, looking from the floor to the ceiling and all the life around him**\* My word, how indescribably lovely!

Avis: \***beams**\* Thank you!

Harlow: Dr. Garfield, I have some very big plans for this place.

Avis: So do I! I was thinking each individual area could have its own management and care team. We’ll spend no expense on labor, I’d be happy to fund any and all wages!

Harlow: \***gestures to the ceiling**\* We could hang twelve chandeliers from the ceiling!

Avis: Uh-- Yeah, I guess we could!

Harlow: And so many trees! We wouldn’t even have to buy lumber!

Avis: Lumber?!

Harlow: For the shelves! And dressing rooms!

Vladek: Uh… Mr. Buffy? You’re not planning to keep this a greenhouse, are you?

Harlow: Of course not! I plan to turn it into the largest *haute couture* store in the world! Take that, Paris!

Avis: *HAUTE COUTURE?!* I don’t even know what that *means!*

Harlow: Well, that doesn’t surprise me. Where’d you dig up that apron you’re wearing right now?

Avis: In that flowerbed over there. Fell off me a few years ago and didn’t find it again until last week.

Harlow: *Haute couture,* my dear lovely ignorant one, is extremely fine clothing designed for extremely fine people. And with Limerence being one of the world’s most up-and-coming cities, I thought a high-end store would be just peachy here.

Avis: …

Harlow: I’m sorry if there was a misunderstanding.

Vladek: \***looks at Avis, frozen in shock, then looks back to Harlow**\* I’m sorry. He’s very protective of his plants.

Harlow: I read that! And that’s why I wasn’t planning on getting rid of them!

Avis: \***blankly**\* You said you wanted to cut down the trees.

Harlow: Sure, these *boring,* run-of-the-mill shrubs you have for background. But I understand you are the proud owner of a carnivorous Wendy, isn’t that right?

Avis: ...Yes…

Harlow: \***unsettling smile**\* I can assure you that the Wendy would be well-taken care of. As would the other… Unusual plants here.

Avis: \***unenthused**\* Oh?

Harlow: May I see the Wendy? Not touch it. Not bother it. Just see it.

Avis: ...Sure.

(At the Wendy’s plant bed… They approach is slowly. Harlow’s smile fades away as he stares at the thrashing tentacles…)

Harlow: Yes… That’s how I imagined it would look…

Vladek: \***carefully watches Harlow as Harlow rubs the jewel on his cane**\*

Harlow: \***gently walks around it, watching it from all different angles**\* I know a great deal about this species of tree. I grew up with them.

Avis: \***eyes widen**\* You’re from Madagascar?

Harlow: No. This type of tree lives in a few different places…

Avis: I didn’t know that…

Harlow: Most people don’t believe me when I tell them I saw a tree eat an entire deer.

Avis: Same.

Harlow: \***turns to Avis\*** I was always taught to respect strange lifeforms like this one. They are capable of feeling, you know. I can assure you that I have the resources to give it-- and all of your finds-- a much bigger, better home… If only I could have this land that we stand on…

Avis: I… I don’t know.

Harlow: I’ll be in town for the next few weeks. Think about it, will you. **takes a sugar pop out from his pocket and puts it in his own mouth. It smells like cotton candy**\* Dr. Fray, is it? Your jacket is absolutely fabulous!

Vladek: \***smiles**\* Thanks. Made it myself.

Harlow: Well then, gentlemen. I’ll be staying at the Sunny Rainbow. The young women there said they know of you, Dr. Garfield. Just come in and ask for me. Farewell for now! \***he begins walking out of the greenhouse, his heeled booties “clacking” as he does**\*

Avis: I really like him.

Vladek: I think there’s something off about him.

Avis: I wish he would’ve made his intentions a bit more clear, but he’s a kind fellow.

Vladek: I don’t know. He seemed far too interested in your Wendy. I think he might want to steal it.

Avis: \***laughs out loud**\* He can try all he wants! It’ll just end with the Wendy coughing up a silver hairball the next morning. \***they both laugh together**\*