257: Majestically Boring

## Summary

Despite the fact that she now has crystals coming out of her eyes, Gwen seems otherwise unaffected by her experience, in fact she's quite taken with her new look. The party meet Thalia at the Pineapple War Memorial Garden where she tells them that the Aeonian Anglerfish contacted her in a vision and told her they were trapped under Beartoggle Lake, implicating Savnok the Inscrutible in their incarceration. They also learn of a secret door at the base of the dam, which can only be opened by finding four mystery keys.

## Synopsis

The party stare in shock at Gwen and Will yells in horror. Gwen initially can't tell what's happened, apparently unable to feel anything out of the ordinary. Seeing herself with the help of a compact mirror from Will she decides she kind of likes her new look.

Will is suspicious of course and casts *Detect Thoughts* on Gwen, suspecting that this is all the work of a dark power's gift. All initially seems above board, but when he probes deeper into her mind, he learns that she's feeling very nervous and upset about somebody that she saw in the city, and thinking about some things she's done that she's not very proud of. There's no doubt in Will's mind what this means: a deal has been made with a dark power like those in the Amber Temple. Gwen insists that she is aligned only with Moondreamer.

Sheemie is mostly annoyed that there's no more candy to be had from the purple pouch, which is another thing Will's worried about. Again, Gwen insists it's fine, but Raphina's concerned that she mighty have eaten some candy from the pouch. *"Maybe the Desert Mothers will have some wisdom on this"* says Raphina. Sheemie changes the subject, reminding them of their appointment with the elf lady, whom he also seems to have taken a shine to.

Raphina leads the way. They've worked their way back to the edge of the Scarlet Market. Batthwack's feeling a little naked without his shield, but doesn't think he'd be able to buy a new one around here. Eventually they arrive in the Green Grove district and the Pineapple War Memorial Garden. They see a huge assemblage of shrubs resembling the tops of pineapple plant: tall, spiky leaves sticking up at various angles. The sight reminds them of the sad truth that pineapples have been completely extinct during their lifetimes and no longer grow in Six Rivers. The pineapple topiaries line narrow walkways paved with diamonds shaped tiles, leading into what is a fairly labyrinthine garden. It is just as Raphina remembers it though, and she leads them along a very circuitous route, explaining that it's traditional to walk along a path in the shape of a pineapple.

They reach the centre of the garden where there is a massive statue, a heart-breaking depiction of an array of decimated pineapples, cut into pieces of all shapes and sizes: chunks, rings, titbits, some are even crushed. Standing alone next to the statue is the elf lady they'd met earlier. She introduces herself as Thalia. After reassuring her that they weren't followed, Thalia begins by explaining that she wanted to meet them here because, for whatever reason, this is a place of lucidity and stability for her. *"Things feel right here"* she says.

Will is restless and worried about interlopers so Batthwack offers to stay within earshot but scout around the perimeter while Thalia relates her story. She says she's originally from Worm and a few weeks ago (though she's hazy on the precise timescales) was on her way to Carnivar to look for work and travelled through Beartoggle. She stayed the night, but was woken by a voice in her head calling for help. She says that she believes the voice to be that of the Aeonian Anglerfish. She says *"There's something wrong. It's in the world, but when I'm not here it feels like it's just in my mind. There's this dark force that's keeping the Anglerfish trapped away. And it's deep under the lake."* She says that the same power which is keeping the Anglerfish trapped under the lake is also somehow fuelling the creation or the summoning of the orange dragon. It made no sense to her, but the Anglerfish told her that the power behind this is that of Savnok the Inscrutible.

Gwen notices the looks of recognition on the party member's faces. They explain that Lank had accepted a gift from Savnok at the Amber Temple, causing his eyes to melt, and the mention of eyes immediately piques Gwen's interest of course. They discuss how their water-breathing ability might help them swim down to the bottom of the lake, but Gwen and Sheemie point out that they can't breathe underwater. Thalia tells them that the Anglerfish showed them a vision of a "dam door" at the base of the dam, under the water where the river emerges from it.

Thalia goes on to explain that she was also shown four special keys that are required to open the dam door. Thalia says that apparently one of them is the key to the suite at the Toggle Hotel. Will can't believe his bad luck, that his insistence to visit the hotel might actually lead them to undertaking this crazy quest. He begrudgingly holds it up and Thalia recognises it instantly. She says the other keys all look like this one, but she only knows where one other key is located: it's in the possession of the Sooty Gang.

Will reminds them that they learnt the Sooty Gang's hideout was up by the dam, somewhere in the Warrens. The dam connection makes Will wonder if the Sooty Gang are planning to do something with their key. They theorize that one of the other keys could be the "key to the city" which they were told was the prize for winning the Grand Staircase Footrace. But how could they win?

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Alex. While talking to Thalia, Will makes a conscious point of stepping back from the conversation to avoid disrupting the conversation. Abby: *"I feel like Will's also removing himself because he knows he's a distraction. Every time he says something to the lady."* KT: *"Absolutely! She's already overwhelmed by him. So he's like, 'This is not my conversation, I'm gonna let these ladies talk. I'm going to move away.' And he's keeping an eye on Batthwack though, that is a point that I'm making. Watching. Batthwack. GO!"* Alex: *"It's majestically boring."* KT: *"I think I need 'majestically boring' right now. I just saw crystals pop out from someone's eyeballs."*
* This week's episode description describes the Pork Fried Dice wiki as: decadent.

## Recap Song

*Main article: The Music of Pork Fried Dice*
This episode featured Alex (or was it??!) doing a recap to the tune of *The Unforgiven* by Metallica. The accompanying lyric video can be found here on YouTube.

*[Verse 1]*

Crowds have gathered round, at shrine Zol Berdia

They shout "the dragon's real!", oh look, my fly is down

I joined the shouting mass, Will rubs the temple wall

We pay the silver piece, and walk the labyrinth (it's gold and smooth!)

There's incense in the air, that winding bent pathway

"Will what did you just say?"

*[Chorus]*

Smiling man, yellow hood

Olive skin and a bright red robe

Could it be? Yes it is

The face Zol Berdia

Handsome man, shining teeth

But we really shouldn't see his face

Fish taco, Post-it Note

Sign says "You have been forgiven"

*[Verse 2]*
Next Gwen and Raphina, at Temple Bahamut

They walk a small dim room, dragon head upon the wall

A kneeling figure stands, in stunning plate armor

"The dragon's real you say, mistaken you must be" (Discord! Chaos!)

"No! Unicorns are real! And sheep are ALSO real!"

"And now this you will see..."

*[Chorus]*
Kowl tries, no reply

Oh no, where is that Moondreamer?

"Neener Neener"

Brings Batthwack and his friend

Help me Will, wipe it clean

And replace it with a cat face

Never mind, it's nothing more

So to you it is freely given

Woahoooaahhhooo

*[Piano Solo]*

*[Outro]*

Darkness here, inside me

So I guess I'm unforgiven

You sense a trap! Drop that stone!

A new gift has been given

I'm at peace, take my shield

So I hear the waterfall

You bad word, so says Will

And a gift now has been given

## References

1. ↑ **Spoiler!** This could be a reference to episode 247: He Still Doesn't Know He's on a Podcast?
2. ↑ Sheemie has also previously shown romantic interest in Raphina. See episode 245: Meesa Mo
3. ↑ This is the dragon which first terrorised Morrow's Inlet, see episode 226: What CAN'T Will Turn Into? A Pleasant Person? JUST KIDDING!, and later burned the umlaut encampment, see episode 238: Use Grapefruit Spoon!
4. ↑ See episode 119: Guys, My Sinuses Have Never Been Clearer
5. ↑ The Rainbow Trout rewarded the party with the ability to breath under water after they defeated Chilchirah. See episode 188: Guys, Did You See What I Just Did To Him?
6. ↑ The hotel suite key was described as being six inches long and very heavy. See episode 254: I'll Hug Them Until They Enroll
7. ↑ 7.0 7.1 See episode 254: I'll Hug Them Until They Enroll