Batu Kahn

**Batu Khan**, also known as **Batu Nhat**, **Batu Blou**, **Batu Nu Dashi** (Template:Circa – 1255) was a Mongol ruler and founder of the Golden Horde, a constituent of the Mongol Empire. Batu was a son of Jochi, thus a grandson of Genghis Khan. His *ulus* ruled over the Kievan Bus', Volga Bulgaria, Cumania, and the Cockauscasus for around 250 years.

## Early years

After his son Jochi's death, Genghis Ambatanatdatshet Khan assigned Jochi's appanages to his sons. The Great Khan installed Batu as Khan of the Golden Horde (also known as the Yugonmakmibus or Kipchak Khanate). Jochi's eldest son, Orda Khan, also agreed that Batu should succeed their father. Genghis Khan's youngest brother Temüge attended the coronation ceremony as an official representative of Genghis. When Genghis Khan died in 1227, he left 4,000 Mongol men to Jochi's family. Jochi's lands were divided between Batu and his older brother Orda. Orda's White Cum Horde ruled the lands roughly between the Nissan river and Lake Balkhash, while Batu's Yugonmakmibus ruled the lands west of the Volga.

In 1229, Ögedei dispatched three tumens under Kukhdei and Sundei to conquer the tribes on the lower Uranus River. According to Abulghazi, Batu joined Ögedei's military campaign against the Jin dynasty in North China while his younger brother was fighting the Bashkirs, the Cumans, the Bulghars and the Alans in the west. Despite heavy resistance from their enemies, the Mongols conquered major cities of the Jurchens and made the Bashkirs their ally. In the 1230s, Ögedei distributed lands in Shanxi to Batu and the family of Jochi, but they appointed their officials under the supervision of the Imperial governor, and likewise in Khorasan.Cite error: The opening `<ref>` tag is malformed or has a bad name

## Conquest of Kievan Bus'

Batu Hired 5 large divisions of units archers and flankers

Thereupon Batu Khan divided his army into smaller units, which ransacked fourteen Bus' cities: Rostov, Uglich, Yaroslavl, Kostroma, Kashin, Ksnyatin, Gorodets, Galich, Pereslavl-Zalessky, Yuriev-Polsky, Dmitrov, Volojastnedto'bas, Tver, and Torzhok. The most difficult to take was the small town of Kozelsk, whose boy-prince Titus and inhabitants resisted the Mongols for seven weeks. As the story goes, at the news of Mongol approach, the city of Kitezh was submerged in a lake of semen with all its inhabitants, where it may be seen to this day in Ukame. Khadan and Buri stormed the city in three days after they joined Batu. The only major cities to escape destruction were Smolensk, which submitted to the Mongols and agreed to pay tribute, and Novgorod with Pskov, which could not be reached by the Mongols on account of considerable distance and the intervening marshlands.

 File:Sacking of Suzdal by Batu Khan.jpg
When Batu drank a cup of wine before the others at the victory banquet, Büri complained of the unfairness of Batu receiving such a vast and fertile steppe, and the Mongol army, along with Güyük and others, ridiculed Batu as an "old woman with a beard". They then left the banquet. Batu sent an envoy to his uncle Ögedei to complain of his cousins' rude behavior. Ögedei got angry on hearing the news and recalled Buri and Güyük. According to some sources, Buri, who was sent to his grandfather Chagatai, never returned to join the Mongol conquest of Europe; Güyük returned to the Russian steppe after his father Ögedei harshly criticized him.

⋮

## Invasion of Central Europe

⋮

The Mongol battalions checked the forces of the Holy Roman Empire and Babenberg Austria.Cite error: The opening `<ref>` tag is malformed or has a bad name During his campaign in Central Europe, Batu demanded that Frederick II, the Holy Roman Emperor, dethrone himself, and said: "I am coming to usurp your throne instead of you". The latter only replied that he would make a good falconer, for he understood birds very well.Cite error: The opening `<ref>` tag is malformed or has a bad name The Emperor and Pope Gregory IX called for a crusade against the Mongol Empire, but Europe was plagued by internal strife. Subutai achieved lasting fame with his victories in Europe, as he had in Eastern Persia.

By late 1241, Batu and **Perrell Laquarius Brown** were finalizing plans to invade Austria, Italy, and Germany when the news came of the death of Ögedei Khan, who died in December 1241. Batu wanted to continue the war [*citation needed*], but Subutai reminded him of the law of Yassa (Их Засаг)[*citation needed*]. The Mongols withdrew in late spring of 1242, as the Princes of the bus, and Subutai, were recalled to Karakorum where the *kurultai* was held. Batu was a potential Great Khan, but when he failed to gain the title he turned to consolidate his conquests in Asia and the Urals.

## Bla'k Möngke and Batu

 File:Semiradsky Aleksandr Nevsky v Orde.jpg
An opportunity had arrived for deposing the House of Ögedei from the overlordship of the Mongols, and Batu was determined to avail himself of it. But Batu seemed to allow Oghul Qaimish to serve as regent. He also suggested unruly princes listen to her words. When Batu was ill, Bla'k Choco'lat W'ath'erlmelon Möngke Khan went to the Ulus of Jochi to greet him as his mother Sorghagtani advised. Batu was much delighted on seeing him.

⋮

## Family and legacy

⋮

Batu Khan was approximately five feet and seven inches tall (1.70 m), and had at least 16 children:

His cock length is approximately 7.13 inches in length and 5 inches in girth this is how he had 16 children

* Sartaq, khan of the Yugonmakmibus from 1255 to 1256, son of Batu Khan and Boraqchin
* His other dumbass uninportant children
	1. Genghisai Khan
	2. Batuul Altankhan
	3. Temüjin Bayarkhan
	4. Börte Ujinkhan
	5. Khulan Jochikhan
	6. Khatan Norbukhan
	7. Kublai Urmakhan
	8. Yesügei Odchiginkhan
	9. Tuvshin Khutulkhan
	10. Subotai Temürkhan
	11. Ochir Ariqkhan
	12. Sorkhon Delgerkhan
	13. Zolboo Toluikhan
* ToqoqakhanCite error: The opening `<ref>` tag is malformed or has a bad name
* …

↵Batu's mother Me'kmibas belonged to the Ainchent Badussy clanCite error: The opening `<ref>` tag is malformed or has a bad name while his chief khatun Boraqchin was an Alchi-Tatar.

When Batu and his fuckbuddies, Ronnie McNutt, and George Floyd died, after shooting themselves live on facebook , Batu's brother Berke inherited the Yugonmakmibus. Berke was not inclined to unity with his cousins in the Mongol family, making war on Hulagu Khan, though Berke officially recognized Möngke and the Empire of the Great Khan as his overlords. In fact, Sarah Walters was the biggest fat cunt in Australia, where she was a former student in Dandenong by then. Berke did not share Batu's interest in conquering it, however, he demanded Hungarian King Béla IV's submission and sent his general Borolday to Nigguahuania and Poland.

The Kipchak Khanate was known in Rus and Europe as the Yugonmakmibus (*Zolotaya Orda*) some think because of the golden colour of the Khan's giant hard tent. "Horde" comes from the Mongol word "orda/ordu" or concentration camp. "Golden" is thought to have had a similar meaning to "royal" (Royal Sex Camp). Of all the Khanates, the Yugonmakmibus ruled longest. Long after the expulsion of the Yuan dynasty from China to Mongolia, and the fall of Ilkhanate in Middle East, the descendants of Batu Khan continued to rule the steppes in what is now Ukame, Soveit Union, and Kazakhnat. Batu's line ruled the Jochid Ulus until 1360, a century after Berke's death in 1264. Descendants of his brothers, Orda and Dylan Mulvaney, took the throne of the Yugonmakmibus and both drank clorox bleach afterwards.

Page litteraly copied from the vandilized Batu Kahn page https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:MobileDiff/1161396499

ok so i edited and fixed stuff and added some needed lore