James Austen

Watching Downton Abbey can have dire consequences.

Is chivalry dead? Nay. Watch as proper language enters the modern day, and a battle of old vs. new begins to win the fair maidens' hearts.

## Transcript

Mallory: Natalie, if you're through with the bathroom, I'd like to make myself presentable. My gentleman carlow will be here shortly.
Natalie: Sure, go ahead.
Mallory: Thank you so much.

Whitney: Isn't Mallory just so refined?
Natalie: Yeah.
Whitney: I swear, ever since that Downton Abbey marathon… She and her boyfriend are just so classy.
Natalie: Yeah. I'm just glad they didn't have a Twilight marathon.

Natalie: Oh.
Matt: Good evening, dear madams. I am here to call upon the fair miss Mallory.
Natalie: I will get her. Mallory!
Matt: As always, Natalie, your dulcet tones are like sweet ambrosia to my ears.
Natalie: Thank you.
Matt: Madam. I hope you'll permit me to say that your beauty never ceases to still both my heart and time itself.
Mallory: Good sir, you flatter me with your flowery words, but it's your stately character where my true passion lies.
Matt: If we were alone right now, I would kiss your hand.
Mallory: Oh my, yes.

Natalie: Get it, I'll get it.
James: Babe.
Natalie: Oh, James. How good of you to come.
James: Yeah, babe, didn't you hear me honkin'? The car's still running.
Natalie: James, must you be so crass in mixed companies?
James: Yeah, sure. Whatever, babe.
Matt: It's mister Perry, isn't it?
James: Huh, bro.
Matt: I don't believe I've had the pleasure of your acquaintance, but permit me to say that, in the future, when in the presence of a lady, you would do well to treat your intended with the respect she inherently deserves.
James: Ouch, bro.
Natalie: It's alright, James. You can make it up to me at Butch's Beefworld.
James: Yeah, can I get the steak in fried butter?
Natalie: Yeah.
James: Yeah… and the um… escargots.

Matt: Such a handsome couple.
Mallory: Indeed.
Whitney: So, where did you get your dress?
Mallory: The 1800's, of course.
Whitney: Of course.

Whitney: Oh, hello, Jason.
Jason: Hey.
Whitney: Jason, I thought that perhaps for tonight, we might conduct ourselves in a more civilized manner.
Jason: What are you talking about?
Whitney: Just for tonight, do you think we can be more like them?

Matt: Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Mallory: Yes, please.

Jason: Fine.
Whitney: Oh, yes.

Whitney: May I present mister Gray, of... the Gray household.
Mallory: Mister Gray, would it be too intimate a query for me to question your intentions, regarding miss Call? She's very dear to me, after all.
Whitney: Miss Everton, I find that a very forward inquiry indeed. Mister Gray and I have not yet breached the subject of domestic felicity, as of yet.
Mallory: Well, why ever not?
Jason: It would… 'Twould... be… an err... of judgment... in my mind...to consider a proposal of that nature at this tender stage of our courtship. Must a man endure continual pressure from his peers, as well as his kin, regarding this most sensitive issue?
Matt: I assure you, we mean no ill will, we only raised the subject out of concern for miss Call.
Jason: Are you implying that she has need for concern?
Mallory: I am implying nothing, though perhaps I have inadvertently struck a tender chord. Apologies.
Jason: You may take your apologies, and place them in your…
Whitney: Jason!

Matt: That is it, sir. I demand satisfaction.
Jason: And you shall have it!

Matt: Very well. Mallory, if you will oblige us.
Jason: Yes, oblige us, Mallory. Wait, are these real guns?
Whitney: Go get him, babe.
Jason: Babe? Will you turn your back on me, you coward!

Jason: They were real.

Mallory: So, are we off to the lake then?
Matt: Yes, I think so.
Mallory: Okay.

## Trivia

* This sketch was uploaded on the same day as the episode aired on BYUtv.
* This is the penultimate sketch of Season 1.
* This is the fiftieth sketch to be directed by Julian Riley.
* This is the longest sketch since Dead Wedding, based on duration.
* The title of the sketch is a reference to Jane Austen, a famous British author.
* This is the first time the name of a Cast member is included in the title of a sketch.
	+ However, James Perry (as referenced in the title) only appears briefly.
* This is the second sketch in a row to feature Mattory.
* This is the fiftieth sketch in which Mallory Everton appears.
* This is the second sketch in a row to feature Whitney (Call) Meek and Jason Gray as a couple.
* This is the second sketch in Season 1 Episode 10 to include a gun, after Shooting Booth.