The "Chaos" Word

**THE SHOW MUST GO ON, CHARLIE BROWN!**

## Intro

* **Melvin:** *[opening a window]* This Folks, is a United Feature television production.
* **Off-Screen Kids: THE OTHMAR SHOW!**
* *[A Stage is Shown. Ernie and Bert appear from the left.]*
* **Ernie and Bert:** ♪Overture, curtains, lights, This is it, the night of nights, No more rehearsing and nursing a part, We know every part by heart. Overture, curtains, lights, This is it, you'll hit the heights, And oh what heights we'll hit, On with the show this is it.♪ *[As they enter the right, Woodstock, Snoopy, Elmo, Linus, Charlie Brown, Peppermint Patty, The Inspector, Grover, Cookie Monster, The Pink Panther and Big Bird appear going to the left]* ♪Tonight what heights we'll hit, On with the show this is it.♪ *[both go to the left]*
* **Lucy:** No, no, no! Listen, all of you! You've got to take direction, you've got to have discipline, you've got to have respect for your director! *[pointing to the viewer]* I oughta slug you! *[a wasp appears out of nowhere and stings her in the arm]* **AAUGH! I'VE BEEN BUGGED BY A BEE!! I'VE BEEN STUNG! GET SOME BANDAGES! PAIN! PAIN! PAIN!**
* *[PLEASE STAND BY]*

## Ernie's Failure

* **Ernie:** Okay, so what's our plot?
* **Bert:** Uh... *[a radio wave strikes Bert and he starts to sing and dance to "Doin' the Pigeon"]* ♪Doin' the (coo, coo) pigeon, Doin' the (coo, coo) pigeon, Dancing a little smidgeon of the kind of ballet, that sweeps me away.♪ *[A second radio wave reverts him to normal and all is quiet]*
* **Ernie:** Really? Doing the Pigeon?
* **Bert:** Uh, Yeah.
* *[Ernie notices a hot air balloon Brutus with the Bullies hovering overhead]*
* **Brutus:** Look! It's them.
* **Bert:** This is what you get!
* *[Bert throws a rock at the balloon. Bully #2 fires back with a grenade launcher, hitting Handy and knocking him into the road.]*
* **Ernie:** *[Gasps]*Bert, Look what they've done!
* **Bert:** You Blockheads! Come back here! Coomme baack! *[The balloon leaves.]* Aaugh, we were so close!
* **Handy:** Don't worry, I'm alright. Argh! *[A herd of bulls run over Handy.]* Owww. *[He gets up again.]* Nope, I'm all fine. Agh! *[The Inspector runs over Handy with his car. Handy ends up along the curb, lifeless. Ernie and Bert approach.]*
* **Ernie:** Wow, poor Handy.
* **Bert:** *[Bert pulls Handy's head off his body.]* He's dead, Ernie! See?
* **Ernie:** Yes. You gotta help me! We can't lose a friend! *[Termites feast upon Handy's body.]*

## Food Package

* *[Cookie Monster's room.]*
* **Peppermint Patty:** Hello, Cookie Monster. How are you doing?
* **Cookie Monster:** I'm starving.
* **Peppermint Patty:** Here, I made you powdered doughnut pancake surprise.
* **Cookie Monster:** Powdered doughnut pancake surprise? I love you! *[on the sofa]* You know, it's not as easy as it looks. Sometimes I gotta use the remote, and sometimes my fur itches real bad!
* **Peppermint Patty:** *[sarcastically]* Oh, you poor, poor thing! By the way, you forgot your *briefcase*! *[she pulls a briefcase out from behind her back, and opens it up to reveal that it is filled with donuts and ice cream sundaes as she puts it on the table]*
* **Cookie Monster:** Given the choice of the chicken pot pie and corned beef cabbage, I'd take **both**!
* *[shows Taz as a tornado devouring a cornfield.]*

## Word Tools

* **Violet:** *[at the viewer]* Hello there. If you are watching *The Loud House*, Better watch *The Quiet House*.
* **Lucy:** Why? Because I'm in the Show? And the creator is a Fan of *Peanuts*?
* **Violet:** We should let Lily Loud watch *Wacky Races*.
* **Lucy:** All this and Rabbit Stew.
* **Marcie:** Eh, What's up Doc.
* **Violet:** Well, Pig, Goat, Banana, Cricket... Bugs Bunny Gets the Boid and Nips the Nips. For breakfast I have pancakes to flip.
* **Lucy: THERE ARE TOO MANY HANNA-BARBERA CARTOONS!**
* **Violet:** Guess Ricochet Rabbit & Droop-a-Long are arrested.
* **Sally:** *[Dressed as Bikini-Chan]* I've got just the thing. *[takes out a Slice of Cake]* How would you like a Slice of cake?
* **Super Sonico:** *[holds up a donut]* Let's try a donut.
* **Violet:** French fries?
* **Lucy:** Why not this apple!

## No More Nonsense

* *[Grover is in a prison cell]*
* **Grover:** But I don't belong here! It's all a big mistake!
* **Monster 1:** Yeah, I don't belong here, either!
* **Monster 2:** Me, too! I'm innocent!
* **Monster 3:** *[yelling in a butch Southern drawl] I* belong here! *[this triggers some other monsters to complain about their not belonging here too. Grover walks over and sits down on the bed]*
* **Grover:** Okay, you can do this, Grover. You can get through this without losing your sanity. Oh, that's a road we don't want to go down again. Positives. Think of the positives. Let's see...I've got no more Aqua. Yeah! *[laughs then jumps to the floor]* In fact, no more Lene Nystrøm. No more René Dif. No more Ken, no more Barbie... *[Grover's brain clicks and a sonar ping is heard]*...No more undressing, no more Barbie! No more Sailor Moon, no more Barbie! *[gets into bed]* ...No more song rage, no more lawsuit! No more Barbie Magic, no more Barbie! No more Barbie! *[laughing]* No more Barbie! *[screaming maniacally]* No more Barbie! *[sighs]* I think I'm going to like this place.

## Bite the Trick

* *[Crazy-Legs Crane and his son are on a boat]*
* **Crazy-Legs Crane:** *[Laughs]* Oh, Junior, you got to lighten up. I am going to battle A Shark! *[Laughs. Holds out a Snoopy Popsicle]* Can't you hear the music? That's a 4/4 string ostinato in D minor! Every sailor knows that means death! *[Suddenly, Mister-Jaw jumps out of the water]*
* **Mister-Jaw:** HEEGotcha! *[Snatches Crazy-Leg's Popsicle and bites it whole. Crazy-Legs notices his Popsicle is gone. Mister-Jaw returns to the water]*
* **Crazy-Legs Crane Jr.:** So, some trip, eh, Father?
* **Crazy-Legs Crane:** Oh, You're never gonna believe it! Mister-Jaw ate Snoopy!
* **Snoopy: Aaugh!**

## It was Saturday Morning, Charlie Brown

Something that was for the CBS Saturday Morning cartoon block.

* **Narrator:** Ah, *[The scene pan-fades into the house.]* Saturday morning for Peanuts. *[The living room is shown. Charlie Brown, Sally and Snoopy are in the living room. On the table, there is a box of Rabbit Puffs and a Bowl]* Snoopy is watching his favorite Saturday morning cartoon: *[The scene pans into Snoopy.]* The Bugs Bunny Show. *[It cuts to a medium shot of the cereal and bowl.]* And Enjoying a bowl of Rabbit Puffs *[Charlie Brown grabs the box and pours in the cereal. Cuts to Grover]*
* **Grover:** Wait! Is there anything else?
* **Narrator:** We have nothing else. Sorry, But we got bankrupt and closed down.
* **Bert:** Bankrupt? AAUGH! It's not the end! *[Holds a shotgun at the camera]*
* **Narrator:** Huh? *[as Bert shoots the camera, the screen goes black.]*

## End to Death

* **Melvin:** Well, That's all folks. *[the window closes]*

A United Feature Production In Cooperation with United Artists.