Get Phucked Phil

"Get Phucked Phil" is a three-part interactive story arc in episodes 17-19 of Streamy Dreams. It is described by Laurel as a "Would-You-Rather narrative." It is unique because, instead of the audience asking questions to the Wizards, the roles are reversed. Users in the official Shitty Wizard Discord server vote on the outcome of each scenario by using polls.

The story is captained by Laurel, who instructs Caitlin and Adam not to over-analyze any plot holes. They do so anyway.

## Plot

### **Part 1** (Episode 17)

You go to a wild party at a friend's house. After getting extremely drunk, you sneak into his room and steal his set of dentures, and wear them as a joke. (Laurel excuses this with 'he lost his teeth in a fight.' Caitlin jokingly comments that he used to do meth.) You accidentally take the dentures home with you.

Time passes, and you forget the origin of the dentures. You give them to your grandmother. You grandmother dies, and is buried wearing the set of fake teeth.

Your friend suddenly calls you, ("He doesn't even use messenger; he calls you on the phone, like an asshole!") and knows, because of video taken at the party, that you stole his dentures. He expresses that he's become a successful comedian, and has a stand-up show coming up, but can't go on stage because he's unable to speak clearly. He gives you an ultimatum; either you get the dentures back to him by Friday, or you have to take his place in the comedy show and fumble your way through. He doesn't have enough time to get a new set of dentures fitted and made. Adam became so angry at the circumstances that he raised his voice to call Phil a "stupid piece of shit" and "a dumb fuck."

Laurel states that Phil looks enough like you so that you can pretend to be him.

**Question:** Would you rather do Phil's stand-up comedy routine for him, or dig up grandma to retrieve his dentures?

### **Part 2** (Episode 18)

The Discord server voted to dig up your grandmother.

You gather your tools and head toward the cemetery at around 3 AM, the witching hour. She's buried in a cemetery called "Grandma's Graveyard," where only grandmothers are allowed to be buried. You continuously see apparitions in the corner of your eye, but they're gone whenever you turn to look. You find your grandmother's grave, and start digging. Suddenly, the groundskeeper catches you, and asks what you're doing there. Your grandma's hand shoots out of the grave, and her zombified corpse crawls out of the dirt. She attempts to grab the groundskeeper and kill him, but he's strong enough to fend her off.

Adam is silent until Laurel says "This is, like, a real fight - this is some Mortal Kombat shit going on," and he then becomes interested.

The groundskeeper scolds you, and you reply that you only wanted her dentures. This piques his interest. While continuing to defend himself from your grandma, he explains that the set of teeth in question are enchanted.

*"He manages to get across that the dentures are enchanted - that he knows about the dentures - and that he knows about Phil. He just says he knows about Phil, Phil's family, and their relation to your family, and he implies that there's something special about the reason why Grandma was buried here."*
Out of nowhere, while the groundskeeper fights your grandma, you hear a voice in your head. It's reciting an incantation, and you don't realize you're saying it out loud until the groundskeeper shouts through the fog in your mind to stop. The voice in your head tells you that if you finish, the reanimated corpse of your grandmother will be your eternal slave.

**Question:** Would you rather finish the incantation to enslave your possessed, ultra-strong grandma, and use him to fight Phil, or don't finish the incantation, retrieve the dentures, put grandma back to rest, and find out your family's secret?

### **Part 3** (Episode 19)

The Discord server voted to put grandma to rest, and join the groundskeeper.

Your willpower overthrows the voice in your head, and you violently rip out your grandma's dentures. She collapses, dead again. The groundskeeper recovers, and he beckons you to follow him. (You don't worry about the corpse; he assures you that it's his job to handle it, and he'll do it later.) He takes you to a bench, and explains that the Grandma's Graveyard is for a coven of psychic mediums who communicate between the magical world and the real one. When they die, they are reincarnated as crows.

This is why your grandmother accepted the enchanted teeth; to keep them from falling back into Phil's hands. Phil is an evil wizard, and the set of fake teeth is a hypnotic talisman. Phil planned to use the dentures during his act in order to brainwash his audience by 'nibbling away' at their consciousnesses until they were left as empty husks.

As your attention slips away from the groundskeeper, you look back at your grandmother's body, and see a crow resting on her chest. The crow appears to be disappointed in you.

The groundskeeper continues explaining that when the body of your grandmother was unearthed, it sent out a wave of dark magic, and it won't take long for Phil to find you and take his teeth back.

At this point, Steve Shanahan walked into the room and briefly roleplayed as Phil the Dark Wizard.

**Question:** Would you rather use the teeth to control the ravens and send Phil into Limbo to shrivel up and die (also sacrificing the spirits of the grandmas living in the crows,) or destroy the teeth, crippling Phil's magical powers, but you have to offer a sacrifice?

Laurel calls this the "Magical Haggle Mini-Game," and asked her co-hosts and the Discord server to offer up their sacrifices.

* Adam offered his teeth and tongue, with the inability to get dentures.
* Caitlin sacrificed her pride, dignity, and friendship with Laurel.
* Steve tried to offer his dental coverage, but this sacrifice was rejected for being insufficient.

If Laurel approves someone's sacrifice, Phil is defeated in their version of the story.