Sixpack Pete

**Jessica McKenna**

* Brittany

**Drew Tarver**

* Sixpack Pete
Old Crusty Stu

"Sixpack Pete" is a song featured in Pillaging for Your Dreams. Pirate Captain Sharon is trying to prevent her daughter, Karen, from falling for a pirate.

## Lyrics

**Captain Sharon**

You can love a seagull,

Or you can love the sea.

You can love the mist

That sprays on yer face,

And that'd be fine with me.

You can love the map and the compass,

If it's love and you desire it.

The only thing that you cannot love

Is a ruggedly handsome pirate!

**Brittany**

You've taken me away

On this ship.

This ship.

**Both**

This ship!

**Brittany**

You've taken me away

On this ship.

This ship.

**Both**

This ship!

**Captain Sharon**

The ship!

**Brittany**

It started as

A pleasure vacation ship,

But in the end, all I want

Is a relationship!

**Captain Sharon**

Well, you could love the dolphins...

***Brittany (spoken)***

*No!*

**Captain Sharon**

...that are constantly following us around.

Or you could love the tropical monkeys

That throw coconuts onto the ground.

Or you could love a...a narwhal!

Or shells that you can beat like they're a drum.

But ye can't fall in love

With Six-Pack Pete

And his six-pack tum.

**Six-Pack Pete**

*Brittany, come over here!*

***Captain Sharon***

*Aw, damn it.*

**Six-Pack Pete**

Take a look off the side.

***Brittany***

*Yeah...*

**Six-Pack Pete**

And also,

take a look at my jacket,

it's made of hide!

***Brittany***

*Oooo!*

**Captain Sharon**

Six-Pack Pete!

**Six-Pack Pete**

What?

**Captain Sharon**

I know what yer up to I suppose.

Ye think ye'll get

In me daughter's pants

With yer fancy pirate clothes.

**Brittany**

Oh you've...

**Brittany**

Taken me away on this ship,

**Captain Sharon**

Taken you away on this ship,

**Both**

This ship, this ship.

**Brittany**

You've taken me away on this ship,

**Captain Sharon**

I've taken you away on this ship,

**Both**

This ship, this ship.

**Brittany**

It started as a simple

Mother-daughter vacation ship.

**Captain Sharon**

And I don't want you

In a relationship

**Old Crusty Stu**

Oh, ow, I hurt my knee,

You know there's no pedophiles on the sea...

***Captain Sharon***

*What?*

**Old Crusty Stu**

It doesn't exist out here!

Just let me be with your daughter please!

**Captain Sharon**

Okay, first of all,

You straight up said "pedophile."

Which is not a thing

I would've even thought about

If you hadn't said it

With a big creepy smile.

**Brittany**

Yes, there's one thing

I don't understand,

I thought you

Were like an eighteen year old

Handsome deck hand...

***Captain Sharon***

*No, that one's eighty-two.*

***Brittany***

*Oh, yeah.*

***Old Crusty Stu***

*Yeah! Come on over here and get on this grain sack with me! Please? Please.*

**Brittany**

On the grain sack,

Old Crusty Stu,

I must say “no” to you,

but my one love, I will repeat,

as I cuddle up to young...

***Captain Sharon***

*Nope.*

**Brittany**

...Six-Pack Pete.

**Captain Sharon**

Leave room for Pirate Jesus.

**Brittany**

Pirate Jesus is very thin, we all know.

***Captain Sharon***

*Ugh, fine.*

**Both**

Relationship!

**Brittany**

Ship! Ship!

***Captain Sharon***

*No dating.*

***Brittany***

*Hmmph.*