Ian Brandon Anderson

The evil and deceitful IAN BRANNAN SOMETHING

**Ian Brandon Anderson**, A.K.A. **Solid Chris**, is one of the primary antagonists in the Asperchu and Simonchu series. He is depicted as an impersonator, who seems to believe that he is the real Christian Weston Chandler. Whether this is him lying or he is insane is yet to be seen.

He also stars in the spinoff comic Sonichu as a violent superpowered hobo terrorist and mayor of CWCVille.

## Character

Ian Brandon Anderson is a naive, fat, gay, homely, violent, retarded furfag who clings to his pathetic belief that he is the true Christian Weston Chandler. He has been impersonating the latter since 1999, and continues to do so even when in Chris's presence. He is everything bad; aggressive and unable to solve any dispute without throwing a childish tantrum. He managed to gain power in CWCville via military coup and messed the place up to such a degree the buildings are crooked (where they existed at all) and the entire police force is replaced by Sonichu Nazis, IBA's personal army of intolerant Chus. The land became barren and lifeless due to the pollution of his State-run Orange Soda factories, and much of the population has been decimated by his cruel reign.

His stupidity has caused great chaos and suffering in CWCville, suffering he himself cannot relate to because he has Asperger's, narcissistic personality disorder AND autism; therefore he is unable to feel normal human feelings AT ALL. Truly Ian Brandon Anderson is a monstrous, evil, naive person. Fortunately, he is too cowardly and weak to actually hurt anyone directly (With the exception of the occasional Curse-Ye-Hame-Ha), but that does not keep him from his evil ways. Though an obvious homosexual, Ian Brandon Anderson despises all other homosexuals (or homosexual men at least), and has made gay marriage and sex illegal in CWCVille since he took it over. Despite this, he also despises STRAIGHT men, calling them "JERKS" and saying how they took all the pretty girls and left none for him (but mostly because he secretly wants to touch them too).

Ian seems to have great difficulty telling people apart, even if they look vastly different. Some examples are below:

* When confronted by Sonichu, Asperchu, and Metal Asperchu, he could not tell which one was the TRUE and ORIGINAL Sonichu.
* He thought Asperchu was really Mitch Chu, even when the real Mitch showed up. Then he thought there were two Mitches.
* He failed to recognize his past self and thought it was another impostor.
* He forgot who Bionic was and though he was a slanderous parody of Sonichu, despite having created him before Sonichu.
* He asked Bionic if Metal Asperchu was Sonichu.
* He thought Mitch was Sonichu when he was being tortured and nailed to a wall, claiming he would defeat the "parodic troll" Bionic.
* At Wendy's, he thought Asperchu was Mitch (while still thinking Mitch was Sonichu) and asked him how he got revived so quickly.

## Pre-Comic

When Asperchu and co. went back in time to 1999 in Issue #3D, where they met a younger Ian Brandon Anderson. He was found by Asperchu when he was caught by his employer, Giovanni, sleeping on the job, and got fired. Asperchu knew what it was like to be in his position, and sympathized with him. This led to them becoming friends, and the two went over to his school for a Soul Calibur tournament. It should be noted that by this time, he had already begun impersonating Christian Weston Chandler, and was in fact able to fool nearly his entire town. He then met up with his Gal-Pals Megan and Ivy, and a future version of himself, who was also time traveling with Asperchu. Ian was there seeking to attempt to relive his high school years in place of his past self, and use his memories to avoid making the same mistakes. Past became offended that Ian was impersonating him, and the two had a bitch fight, with Past coming out on top. He then kicked out both him and Asperchu, so that he could have sex with his Gal-Pals. He then tried to touch up Ivy, but Megan knocked him out and saved her. Whilst knocked out, Principal Blaziken took him to his office and tried to sexually assault him. He was tied to a chair, but escaped and hid under the desk. Bionic sensed that he was in danger and killed Principal Blaziken, which Past mistakenly credited Asperchu for. This drove Bionic to attempt suicide, and Asperchu went to Past's house.

Whilst there, Past created a Special Fanta Brew by mixing the drink in question with the semen of both himself and Asperchu. He then drank this concoction, and called on the power of Satan to make it into his child Sonichu. The demon agreed, and Past became pregnant, presumably with Sonichu. Despite being pregnant, he still challenged future Ian to a fight when he showed up claiming that 14 Branchland Court was his house. The two then both fired a Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha at each other and crossed the streams, nearly hurting Asperchu as a result. The battle in question opened a rift in time and space and Asperchu, Jivin, Max and Ian were all sucked into the Time Void, causing them to return to 2010. Past took their disappearance to mean that he won, and then berated the fallen Bionic for being useless while he went off to care for his new child. This is what would later inspire Bionic to send Metal Asperchu after him.

Past Ian went on to give birth to Sonichu, through his urethra no less. This unfortunately caused him to have a permanently bent dick. After getting the child of his dreams, however, he became tired of the responsibilities of parenthood, and so chose to abandon Sonichu. He put him in a Sega Dreamcast box and left him to float down the river, hoping that Sonichu would grow up and take care of himself and hoping that he would grow up to be true and loyal to Ian without him having to put any work into raising him. Because of this, he lost his son, and Sonichu grew up to be loyal to Christian instead.

In the years since, he was exposed as a fake, made an enemy of someone named 'Clyde Cash', became fatter, became balder, became weaker, and finally went insane and overtook CWCVille. During all of this, and despite the pain he caused him, Ian somehow managed to forget all about Bionic.

## In Asperchu

### First Contact

Ian first debuted in Asperchu Issue #C where he poses as Christian Weston Chandler to trick Jivin and Max into accompanying him to find Dix, under the pretense that he actually wants to save Asperchu. He helps bring down the drawbridge to let the group get in, and attempts to fight Dino Dash with a Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha once inside. He then greets Sonichu whom he seems to think will believe he's really Christian. After Sonichu reveals Ian's true identity to Asperchu and the gang, he responds by stating once again that he is the real Chris and by pulling out a gun, intending to shoot Chris. After time is stopped temporarily and Metal Asperchu shows up, he becomes confused over which one is the original Sonichu (since to his limited mentality they all look the same) and tries to figure out which one it is, so that he can kill the other two. Metal Asperchu then proceeds to set him on fire and he runs away screaming.

According to Blazebob's comments in Issue #5E, Ian destroyed 4-Cent\_Garbage Center Towers in between Issue #2 and Issue #3. He had crashed a Mouse Plane into the towers, as part of a revenge scheme upon some of his personal enemies owning offices there.

### The Invasion of CWCville

Ian returns in Issue #3 wearing a new wardrobe consisting of fake tattoos, a denim vest, a bright blue short sleeve shirt, a darker variation of his original jeans, and a goatee. Ian has taken over CWCVille as seen in this issue, and is revealed to be the one Silvana is working for. He manages to get her to kidnap Asperchu and afterward making her transform into Meg Griffin and declare that he is a great kisser, and that his penis is of above average size. As he talks to Asperchu, Ian disrespectfully keeps calling him Mitch, and goes so far as to electrocute him every time he tells Ian that his name isn't Mitch, however the tide turns when Sonichu and the real Mitch arrive. Despite his surprise at Sonichu's interference, he is even more shocked at the fact that Mitch and Asperchu are separate people. He cannot accept this idea, deciding that there must be two Mitch Sonichus, because there is no way that he could possibly be wrong about Asperchu. Mitch then recounts a story back when he was a young boy. He tells them that at a young age he had met Ian, but cannot remember what he did to him. It is heavily implied that he molested Mitch. The mood soon turns dark as Metal Asperchu arrives to kill him. Ian escapes while Metal is distracted by Sonichu and climbs into his pilotable transformer Son-Chu. He then fights Metal Asperchu, and for a while has the upper hand, but while crushing him beneath Son-Chu's foot, Metal locates the robots weakness and sets it on fire. Son-Chu then smashes through a wall, and falls to the ground, Ian still inside him. Later, when Metal activates the four Chaos Pickles, Ian is one of four people drawn into Metal for unexplained reasons.

### 1999

As was seen in the following Issue the other three were all sent back in time to 1999, and so was Ian. He was seen again, when a past version of him appears and beats him up for stealing his identity. Ian laments that he wants to relive High School with his old Gal-Pals and set things right for himself, but that the past Christian is preventing him. He then shaves his goatee so as to better look like is younger self, and goes on to relive his old life. He is instead confronted by Max however, and the two face off against each other. Max stops and tries to make peace, but it flies over Ian's head and he leaves to go to his house to play Wheel of Fortune instead. He makes it there, but once again meets his past self. The two then prepare for another fight, though not before Ian insults Bionic and asks if he is a copy of 'his' Sonichu. They both fire a Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha at each other and cross the streams, nearly hurting Asperchu as a result. The battle in question opens the Time Void and Asperchu, Jivin, Max and Ian are all sent back to the future.

### Capture

In Issue #4, Ian awakens after dreaming of being his past self again and doing various things he would like to do in real life, such as being pleasured by Rosechus, raping Clyde Cash at knifepoint and other such things, to discover that he was wet from having his head dunked underwater, and that he is also wearing a kilt for some reason. He finds out that his torturer is none other than Bionic, who he mistakes for another Sonichu parody, not remembering him at all. This infuriates Bionic, and after a brief interruption from Metal Asperchu, the torture continues. When Bionic thinks he is knocked out, Ian is thrown into a cell, but Ian awakens and reveals that it was a ruse to give him time to escape, by cutting off the bars to his cell using a real life version of the pocket knife from his earlier dream, which he had covertly stored in his anus. He has no success, however, and only escapes when Sonichu breaks in to interrogate him about his origins, having found out the truth from Asperchu earlier. He doesn't remember and gives a bullshit made up story, to which Sonichu just facepalms and leaves. He then jumps out and skydives after him, but is caught once he nears the ground by Bionic and the Yellow Devil. He is then tied to a chair and held with Sonichu while Bionic tortures him instead. An epic battle is had, which Ian sits out of, and then the real Christian shows up again. Ian then calls him an impostor, takes credit for driving off Bionic, says that he'll 'let' Chris live, and then tells them he has more important things to do, before running away like a coward. Simonchu intends to drill out his dick, but Christian stops him and says that they should have pity, and so Ian lives another day. After this, he goes out to eat at a fast food restaurant, where he meets up with Asperchu, whom he confuses with Mitch.

### Death

In Issue #5, Ian follows Asperchu and finally gets the hang of facial recognition, remembering that he was the one who helped create the Special Fanta Brew that was used in Sonichu's conception. When Asperchu mentions Asperia in passing, he asks who she is, and through his vague description of her, concludes that Asperchu has kidnapped his unborn daughter Crystal. Make of that what you will. He then runs away to Asperchu's House, and breaks in while Grandpa Alzheichu is sleeping. Still believing her to be Crystal somehow, he grabs Asperia by the tail and drags her along the ground outside. He is stopped however, when Sonichu shows up, extremely pissed off, and shoots him in the knees with a sniper rifle, shouting and screaming at him. Fortunately, Ian is saved at the last moment by Noir Chu and Asperchu, who show up to prevent Sonichu from doing something he would regret. Before Ian can escape, however, the Yellow Devil returns and he is taken to Bionic's Fortress yet again. Once there, Sonichu and Bionic torture him and hack off his limbs, in spite of Noir Chu's protests. Sonichu and Bionic then deliver the killing blow, as he is simultaneously hit with Sonichu's axe and Bionic's Pistol. After he is killed, Ian's severed arm is later grafted onto Sonichu's body, as a replacement for the arm he lost to Metal Asperchu.

### Revolver Sonichu

After Argentum is released by Metal Asperchu, he recognizes Sonichu's pain and suffering, and realizes that Ian's soul is bound in Sonichu, from the arm graft. Ian's spirit briefly appears to Sonichu and greets him, and Sonichu acknowledges him as father. Argentum tells him that self sacrifice matters not, and that he should make his mark on the world and leave it with a choice. Sonichu then tells Asperchu when he interrupts that father is waiting for him, and the both of them disappear along with Argentum. They find themselves back in the events of Issue #2, prior to the destruction of 4Cent Garbage Towers. Whilst here, Sonichu shouts up to the roof that he was going after Ian. Argentum explains to Asperchu that this is a test of Sonichu's heart level, and that he believed his father to be on the roof. Whether he was or not, was dependent on him. Unfortunately for Sonichu, when he reached the roof, there was no Ian. In an unexpected twist however, Asperchu was there, and Argentum points out that Asperchu was his other father, as it took the semen of both of them to create him.

### Solid Sonichu

Upon leaving CWCVille after the events of Issue #5E, Sonichu escaped to the countryside, where his father's personality continued to grow and gained partial control over his body. Sonichu temporarily began to exhibit Anderson's heterochromia. He soon realized what was happening, and began to argue with the invading new persona in his head. He tried to explain it away as stress, but it became clear that it was really Ian. Metal Asperchu then showed up out of nowhere to 'Archive' him, for some unknown purpose. Creeped the fuck out, Sonichu went to his brother Bionic for help. At this point, Sonichu seemed equally concerned by a gangrene infection he picked up from the arm as he did by the prospect of having his dead father take over his mind. Unfortunately, Bionic's treatment was ineffective. In desperation, they invaded Forte Grosse, and broke Sinestro out of his growing tube. There, they threatened him into agreeing to cure Sonichu.

After a short while of trying unsuccessful cures, Sonichu was overtaken once more, and Solid Sonichu surfaced again.

Solid leapt around in joy over having his own body again, but was interrupted as Sinestro reported that his cholesterol levels were rising rapidly. He recommended lipo, but Solid told him that all was well, and that he didn't even mind the gangrene infection now, much to Sinestro's annoyance. He also denied threatening him. They were then interrupted by Christian Weston Chandler, who asked what had happened to Ian's body. This amused and angered Solid, who, pretending to still be Sonichu, denounced Chris as his father and had him imprisoned.

In Issue #8, Solid Sonichu showed up as a final defense witness for Asperchu's trial. He initially defended Asperchu and spoke very highly of him, perhaps seeing some of himself in him. However, when Asperchu fired his lawyer, Yawning Squirtle, and took over himself, the trial quickly fell apart as their egos clashed and resulted in a shouting match to decide who was more honest. To "prove" his own honesty, Asperchu then ripped off his shirt and revealed his manbra underneath, which he had written the words "honest content" on. The sight of seeing another man's 42-bust muscle bra greatly threatened Anderson's sexuality, and he ran out of the courtroom screaming. He was even shaken enough for Sonichu to momentarily regain control and beg Bionic after the trial to take him back to Sinestro for further treatment. Unfortunately, Christian's presence caused Ian to retake control. Solid then returned with the two men to Forte Grosse. However, once he arrived and started making plans for a video game marathon, Argentum arrived on the scene and began spewing more of his nonsensical riddles. Among them, he noted that Sonichu had fallen off the path of light, and that he would have to return to it. Anderson took this as an insult to his sexuality once more, and began shouting at Argentum. Argentum responded that Solid was "out of time" and threw him out the window, before taking Bionic, Sinestro and Christian along with him for another time travel adventure.

In Issue #F, Sonichu regained control and woke up in a river in the middle of the Abyssal Forest. As he did, he noticed a mysterious figure floating above the water. This figure turned out to be Mitch Chu, back from the dead and still sporting the wounds on his chest from when Bionic shot him. Despite their closeness in life, Sonichu somehow failed to recognize him. Mitch then declared to Sonichu he was a failure. To his friends, to his father and to himself. Sonichu protested, and Mitch told him to follow him down the river and face his failures. Said failures turned out to be the ghosts of those he either murdered or tried to save. Among others, he was confronted by the ghosts of Jason Kendrick Howell, Captain Bagget, Mary Lee Walsh, Wild Sonichu, Jiggliami, Brosechu, Giovanni, and about five others who have not yet been identified. Sonichu tried to blame Ian, stating that he had possessed him and manipulated him into committing the murders, but Mitch rebutted that Sonichu used Ian as an excuse to express the bloodlust that was always within him, causing Sonichu to fall into quiet revelation.

Sonichu is later seen at the end of the issue, having fully lost himself to Solid's madness. He then grabs Anderson's Pedo-Glasses and expresses hatred towards the CPLF.

## Powers and Abilities

Ian is shown to be capable of imitating a Curse-Ye-Ha-Me-Ha attack. How he managed this is still unknown. However, while attempting to use it on the trolls in Sinestro's castle he was punched in the face, interrupting the casting, an obvious mistake. This suggests that he is fairly inexperienced with the attack. He has been using the attack since 1999. He is just incapable of learning from mistakes. He also owns a Megatron Pistol. How he first obtained it is also unknown, but it is known that he lost it once Metal Asperchu set him on fire. Sinestro recovered it, and the Megatron Pistol was later given to Noir Chu. Ian would later replace with with his Pocket Knife.

## Friends and Family

Unlike the REAL Chris-Chan, Ian Brandon Anderson had no friends by the end of his life. Seriously, everyone hated him, including his zombie dog.

Shockingly, we have discovered that he did used to have some friends: Megan and Ivy, two High School Gal-Pals. He screwed up both friendships by trying to rape the two of them upon winning a fight to his older self.

Ian also has some family. He is known to have three biological children:

1.) One being a bastard child he had with a Rosechu, whom he had forcibly restrained in his basement and raped. His child currently resides in Albville Soup Hotel along with his mother.

2.) Another being Bionic the Hedgehog, whom he never really gave a shit about from day one and left to die in a pool of blood.

3.) And finally Sonichu, whom he left floating down a river as an infant where he would then be raised by the REAL Chris-Chan.

Alongside the other three, Ian also hoped to one day give birth to yet another child. This time he wants a human daughter who he will name Crystal Weston Chandler. This is because he really wants to have sex with his supposed sister Crystal. While this may seem like incest, do remember that she is Christian's sister, not Ian's. He still thinks she is his sister though, so that still makes him a sicko. He eventually became convinced that Asperia was Crystal. Fortunately, before he could ruin her life too, she died, and so did he.

In Simonchu, Ian also attempts to make himself a son using the body of a deceased fan named Ryan Cash.