When Did Ashley Johnson Get So Sexy?/Transcript

The following is the transcript for the Dumb Teacher Season 2 episode, *When Did Ashley Johnson Get So Sexy?*.

## Something's Different About Ashley

*(Scene opens at Dan's house where Johnny is seen watching a GHTV News report on TV while sitting on the couch)*

* **Reporter**: Our top story for today, last night, the 2006 Winter Olympics torch turned out to be a bomb built by two terrorists disguised as designers, Ahmed Amin Faruq and Mahmoud Hakim, who are part of the Turin Olympic Attack Planners terrorist organization of Iraq. *(Scene on TV cuts to a picture of the woman holding the torch as it slowly zooms in)*. As for the bomb, unfortunately, while the final torchbearer was holding the torch, the bomb went off, *(Scene on TV then cuts to a picture of the stage after the bomb's explosion)* killing her whole, including some nearby spectators, while others were injured! Now, we are setting a bounty for the residents of Greenhill. If any of you have seen these two terrorists, call this number, say your address, show evidence, and the reward will be 20 stinkin' million dollars! Call now! Wait a minute, this happened in Italy, why should we care? We're giving out the biggest news bounty Greenhill's ever had, the second being the hunt for Charles Manson.

*(Dan is seen walking past his Dad heading for the front door)*

* **Dan**: Bye, Dad! I'm heading off to school now.

*(Johnny ignores him, scene cuts to Greenhill Elementary, where the bell rings and Dan and Logan are seen outside of their classroom in the hall)*

* **Dan**: Hey, Logan, you excited for the weekend? Samurai Jack is on Toonami this Saturday, G4's airing the brand new Happy Tree Friends, and there's gonna be a Doctor Who marathon on Saturday.
* **Logan**: Yeah! Oh, by the way, have you seen Ashley's face recently?
* **Dan**: Often, why?
* **Logan**: Something seems different about her today. Almost like she stopped using something for her face.
* **James**: He's right, Dan. Something *is* different about Ashley.

*(James and Tom walk in)*

* **Logan**: You've gotta see for yourself, man!
* **Dan**: No, I saw Ashley on the bus, she looks the same.
* **Logan**: Dude, she looks different today.
* **Dan**: She does not, Loge.
* **James**: I'm tellin' you, Dan, she looks *completely* different!
* **Dan**: Oh, you know what, guys? I'm not gonna be dragged into a stupid conversation about a girl I knew since kindergarten. I'm outta here! *(leaves)*
* **Logan**: Alright, but let us know when you've finally noticed the difference.
* **Dan**: *(calling from off-screen)* Fine!

TBA

*(The scene cuts to Dan, who is seen walking home from school)*

* **Dan**: I don't get it. Why is everyone acting to weird lately? I mean, I know Ashley stopped wearing lipstick but- *(a 2-second pause occurs) wait* a minute... that's it! Ashley stopped wearing lipstick! *(starts drooling for 3 seconds)*

TBA

## Breakdown/Faked Death

*(Scene opens at Greenhill Elementary, where Ashley is seen using her PDA while walking to class, a notification sound is heard from the PDA, she uses the PDA's stylus to open it)*

* **Ashley**: Huh, an email from Emma. *(reading)* "Hi Ashley, sorry if I’m out sick this week and not at school, but, this morning, I found some video with you in it on the internet, and, I don’t think you’ll like it." *(imitating Hank Hill from King of the Hill)* H-why not? I like this new generation of video sharing. (*normal voice)* Let’s check it out, then.

*(Cut to classroom where McNeese is seen wrongly teaching students about the end of World War II)*

* **McNeese**: So you see, you fuckin' pickaninnies, and white pickaninnies, after our lord and saviour Hitler teamed up with admiral Karl Dönitz in order to make Germany and its colonies the only countries on Earth, Truman, unfortunately, ended up kicking both of their asses.
* **Ashley**: FUCKING PERVERTS!! *(throws James' desk at Tom as she angrily groans)*
* **Dan**: A-Ashley, calm down! It's just a-

*(Ashley screeches at Dan as she proceeds to destroy half of the classroom by throwing desks at the students, and by throwing McNeese's desk at the chalkboard)*

* **McNeese**: Hey! You know I don't fuckin' like it when coon chicks mess with me! It's time for the motherfuckin' ruler! *(Ashley snatches ruler, breaks in half with her knee, and shoves the broken pieces into McNeese's knees)* Augh! Fuckin' shit, my knees!  *(Ashley takes McNeese's keys to his car)* My keys! Give those back, you goddamn Pickaninny!

*(Ashley runs out the window and into the parking lot, unlocks McNeese's Honda Civic, goes inside, and drives off fast into the road, causing a semi to drive off the road)*

* **Dan**: Where's she going with McNeese's car? She's too young to drive and could get sent to juvie!
* **James**: Dude! Ashley's gonna get into so much trouble driving under the age of 16, and without a license, too! Now, who uploaded that shower porn online?
* **Logan**: Uh... *(laughs nervously)*

*(The entire classroom gasps)*

* **Dan**: LOGAN!! Why would you wanna do that?! Ashley's in big trouble now because of your sick, perverted ways!
* **Tom**: Not to mention that the FBI will be on your ass like crazy!
* **McNeese**: Don't worry, you fuckin' pickaninnys and honky kids, that young wench may have my car, but she doesn't have my phone! *(dials phone)* Hello, GHPD? My car was stolen by some black girl!

*(The scene cuts to a highway in Greenhill, where Ashley can be seen aggressively driving McNeese's car. Multiple police cars can be seen driving behind her, trying to keep up with her. The scene cuts to a close-up of McNeese's rear-view mirror, which Ashley uses to check for any approaching cars, before seeing police cars behind her. She then sticks her head out of the window and realizes that the police are after her. TBA)*

TBA