Feels Like A Dream/Confessionals

### Day 35

We're down to crunch time and I have to make some choices. Fariha and I are talking rn and we're really not sure whether to take out Jerry or Aaron. Because of course the ultimate goal is to get to the final 3 with Courtney, but would Jerry or Aaron win final immunity?
Here's the thing: out of the two, Aaron is less likely to win the FIC. But he's also by far the bigger jury threat in my eyes. He has tons of friends, he's been given credit throughout the game for having a lot of connections and being a strategic player, I just don't see any way he loses a jury vote. But Jerry is also gonna be tough to beat at the end. He's played a really good, middle-ground game. He made moves, like with the key, he's likable in a low-key way, he's been able to fly under-the-radar, and ultimately I worry that my game's not gonna stand out, 'cause the jury could just see him as the way better version of me!
Voting Aaron out is better if I want to guarantee that I make it to the final tribal, because I think that Aaron would be most likely to target me at the final 4 if we were there with Fariha and Courtney. Jerry, on the other hand, I believe whole-heartedly trusts me, we had an unspoken pact for most of the game, and now it's become an official final 2 deal. I think if I made it to the final four with Jerry, Fariha and Courtney, there's no doubt in my mind that I make the final 3 (or final 2 if y'all spring that on us). But, Jerry is also more likely to win the final immunity, in which case I'd have a much harder time at the FTC.
That being said, I feel like if I can't be confident enough in my game to stand up there next to Jerry and plead my case, could I even win against Fariha? I really do think I've played a strong game that could stand up next to Jerry's, so while it's far less likely I could pull it off against him, I don't think it would be a complete slam dunk.
And maybe I'm wrong and I'd lose against any of them! But until I know that for sure, I'm gonna be working hard to try and win this game.

### Day 36

Maybe Karma is doing this to me for voting out Torsa instead of courtney.But we all waited in Carthage with a big threat like Nadine till it was too late and we saw what happened next.So now I can only hope Toby finds another incredible masterplanning challange which I can win :(

I've been working hard to get the vote onto Aaron tonight. I just decided that I have to make the choice that best ensures I'll make FTC and go from there. If Jerry wins the next immunity and we make it to the end together, I'll just argue my ass off to the jury, because I think I deserve it just as much as him.
The problem is, Fariha was getting paranoid out of her mind last night about how if we don't vote Courtney out, Jerry is gonna try to drag her to the end and go after us. Which makes no sense, considering those two have barely talked, but w/e. And then she started talking about how we NEEDED to vote Courtney out even though we'd spent 30 minutes discussing how we couldn't beat anyone else...
I think I talked her down from that ledge though, and made her agree to voting Aaron. And this morning I talked to Courtney about it and I think she'll do the same. Hopefully the two of them aren't lying to me and this vote stays simple :/.

Here's the thing that's worrying me though:
So Jerry came up to me just a few minutes ago saying that "aaron has been saying to me, that Fariha has been like doing a bunch of under the table shit along the way this merge."
He thinks Fariha's been buttering up the jury members, and that she might be a pretty big threat at the end. Which gave me a lot to think about. Have I been sleeping on Fariha?
I mean, I knew she wouldn't be EASY to beat at the FTC, but I always thought she'd be my best chance aside from Courtney. Either way, I think she'll be easier to debate with at the end than Jerry, but what if she has more support with the jurors going into it... ugh idk.
I mean the worst part about this is that whether or not it's true, if I send Jerry home, he could be predisposed to vote for Fariha over me, whereas I was kind of hedging my bets on him recognizing it's a game and voting for the "best player" (which he would hopefully see as me).
I tried to prime him for this a little bit by being like "would a jury -really- see Fariha as a better player than you or I?" and he was like, "oh I don't know, juries are weird sometimes," so hopefully that sets him up to be a bit more incisive towards her if he goes to the jury, especially because he's been complaining about how paranoid she's gotten.
The other thing is that Aaron told Jerry that Fariha promised him that she'd vote Jerry, and then changed her story. Which certainly isn't gonna help her case with Aaron on the jury. It sounds to me like Fariha overplayed her hand and then I talked her out of voting Jerry out this round, and now Aaron's just blowing up her game in an attempt to survive.
The thing is, at the very worst I have it set up so that Courtney would go at 4 (and hopefully be a pretty clear vote for me idk), and in the final 3, Fariha would be bashing Jerry's game, and Jerry would be bashing Fariha's game. Which just leaves little ol' me :). Maybe with a good enough performance, I could actually pull this thing off, even without Courtney there with me. Idk... there's so much to think about.  :///

### Day 37

1.I miraculously win final immunity
Or
2.If jerry wins immunity I beg to courtney to at least give me a chance in firemaking.Courtney is close to Hudson so she may not want to vote him at first.But she hates jerry,so I think I can sway her by saying Hudson is a complete goat and taking him to finale means Jerry is winning the season.Do u really want someone who behaved so bad with u and called u a goat to win the season?I think I sound pretty convincing.Hope it works!

### Day 39

I'm really proud to be sitting here at the end, because it has certainly NOT been an easy ride for me to get here. Balancing everything that's going on in my real life with this game has been a challenge for me, and there were points in this game where I just didn't have my head in the game whatsoever. But I always bounced back, and I played hard to get here in my own way. It was subtle, but it was effective and I'm really happy with that. I used to always play these games so aggressively, to the point where I literally could not play any kind of UTR game because it just wasn't in my DNA lol! So to play in my first of the "big" ORGs and successfully utilize a style like that shows me that I've grown as a player, and just knowing that is enough for me to be satisfied, win or lose.
I don't know how good my chances are up against Fariha. She won more challenges, she had more connections from the start, whereas I was having to build new ones as soon as we merged (and we all know by now that I flopped when the merge hit LOL, we love senior year!! -dies-), and overall it seems that she's more respected by the jury than me.
Ultimately all I can do is argue my case as best as I can! I feel like people have this perception of me that I don't really try and that I was just kind of drifting along, when the truth is that I was thinking through everything I did in this game, the long-ass confessionals are proof enough of that lmao! If anything, I OVERTHINK things LOL. I just hope I can show off that side of myself tonight and maybe the jury will see what I accomplished and I can pull off an upset!
I want to win this so badly, but if I don't pull it off, I'm happy anyways. Playing this game during such a busy time of my life was enough of a challenge and I feel like I've overcome a lot. Even so, I'll be super proud and happy for Fariha if she wins, she's worked just as hard as I have and deserves it just as much. Plus, if I place 2nd, that will mean I've placed 5th, 4th, 3rd, 2nd AND 1st in FB ORGs which is pretty iconic. But that doesn't mean I'm not gonna fight for the win during the jury questioning!
WELL, this will be the last rambling confessional you'll have to sift through from me this game! This was a fantastic game to play and I'm left with nothing but positive feelings for everyone involved <3. With that, I think it's time for me to bid adieu to BAR!