A Healthy Dose of Paranoia/Confessionals

^Nerd talk for ""I think I'm good this week.""
Although it is a little concerning that there are supposedly two ""sides"" of this house, neither of which I am included in, I do hope that the divide is enough that it keeps me safe and generally under the radar. It is a little risky though because I almost guarantee Tasha wants me gone, plus she and Trey may know that I almost flipped the vote on them last week.
Also interesting is the idea that Tyler hasn't told me if there's an actual ""side"" group that he's in, which may mean that Felix is lying to make them sound more threatening or Tyler is hiding it from me. That said, my superpower is the ability to not give a real shit, as long as my game is still in good enough shape.
Game plan for now is to sit back, gather info, and maintain relationships. If I get the chance, maybe even repair a couple.

HOLLLY SHITTT, that just happened, now I’m not going to be like that was my move but I think I did influence the idea of this happening enough by pitching my case to Nick that taking out Ben is the best move for pretty everybody besides Tasha and maybbbbbbbe Felix as he mentioned he didn’t think this was a good move for him but wasn’t going to push it for my safety. How do I feel moving forward? Honestly pretty terrified like yes I survived and 5 people and the HoH supported me staying but because my main priority was me surviving I limited myself to only non game conversations with the people outside of my house as I didn’t want to do a damn thing to ruin my chances of staying. I felt like for a second though honestly that I was completely fucked you put Clifford quit plus Ben on the block and it’s a recipe for disaster.
After the results of the HOH I was honestly pretty damn pumped like yes I did hear that Mackie was involved in the whole targeting me situation but I truly believe that he wasn’t as down for it as others were, I feel it was a situation where he was told one thing and consider the caliber of this season he was just like Yes I’ll do that and then when the game actually got going it wasn’t something he was completely down for. He let me know right away that he’s going to give me safety for the week and in return I will comply with whatever he wants this week. I believe him because he hasn’t gave me a reason not too, everything that he has said he’s going to do he’s done and I’m not going to say anything to give me the thought that I’m not with him even though I am but still.
Shortly after the results of that we get told that their is another twist, this season is sponsored by Twistos confirmed. The twist is essentially the Temptation comp in BB19 and at first I was like ahhhh yesssss a competition that can grant safety but the unfortunate aspect is if you lose you’re a special nominee, no thank you but I appreciate it. With Mackie saying that I was safe and me wanting to show that I trust him and untop of not wanting to risk being a nominee I opted out of the comp and fucccckkk I’m glad that I did, like unless their is a comp that I know I’m going to win this twist isn’t for me.
I really don’t know how long I’m going to last In this game I feel good working with Tyler, Mackie and above all else my F2 Felix. I’ve been trying hard to make sure that I don’t give any body in this house a solid reason to target me so I’ve been trying to be as social as one can. I feel I get good vibes from Tasha and Dan that are good enough for me to work with but I just ahhh this is a cast where all your allys aren’t actually your allys, so I’m trying to approach this game I’m a more fluid way, essentially I think floating is the best way to play right now and I don’t know how long I’ll be able to do it but as long as I can keep decent enough relationships with everybody I’ll be able to just stay afloat for as long as possible.

I guess we'll start with the eviction, Ben & Clifford leaving opens up my game a lot more, as well as puts clear targets on affiliates of those 2, and Nick & Tyler who were the main ones pushing for the move. I'm happy that Nick really didn't handle his HoH great since it hells sever his ties longterm. I like the guy but the less connections people have the more likely I am to make it deeper into this game.
In regards to our cancelled vote off, it's actually servery impacted the outcome of the game. While on paper Joe thought we had the numbers, I just knew Felix was unlikely to vote Trey off, why would he? it wouldn't have gained him anything except not being affiliated with The Couple. he didn't even come up and talk to me to confirm the vote so i kind of knew that was a bust, which is why i was happy when the vote as cancelled, Brandon needs to count himself lucky, yes he was put in a bad spot but he was probably leaving in 16th place, sadly, over trey... who is very, very boring.
He's here now though, and I can have him on my side but it's tricky, because now i'm in this 6 person alliance of Tasha, Duncan, Nicole, Trey & Felix. It's funny that Felix was gunning for this HoH but was supposibly going to flip... turns out he has 0 interest in not only working with that side, but \*really\* wanted my ass to go up on the block, which is fair, he and I don't talk, but his fake ass in pms is like ""oh dw dw it's a two way street"" ugh, bitch it's not 2016, let's be a little less fake please.
Oh god that's right, Felix tonight... he got on shrooms and proceeded to message me saying i'm probably going up (which i know for a fact isn't true). He then started to spam call Mackie and Mackie came to me after 2 and half hours of calling in and out legible Felix who was freaking out about Nicole... why? because he leaked to Mackie that Nicole, Felix & Duncan have a final 3 alliance, and he didn't want Nicole up on the block cuz of that... so that's great information to have in the back of my head.
Duncan is playing a fair bit harder than I imagined initially, he was just seeming like he was gonna stick with Tasha and co, but he's actually branching out (though it's still only on our side, presumably). it kind of gives me a fair bit of awareness of how Duncan sees me in this game: someone he likes but not someone he will want to work with til the end, he kept saying he really enjoyed my company, but if my damn hospitality was that nice, i would be in a chat with him (besides the messy 6). Nicole i'm also a little unsure on but she has mentioned to me that she likes Felix so i don't know, i guess i turst her more since she actually talks game with me/vents to me, which I feel like most allies will vent game frustrations towards.
Anyways, I leaked the 6 alliance to Joe to ensure that a wedge between Felix and Joe can be formed, this is just for the betterment of Joe since Felix told Mackie how he didn't trust Joe at all, which I need Joe to start realising. I actually really adore Joe, but he does not give \*any\* information it's actually really annoying to deal with how transparent he is about dodging questions with either no answer or basic paraphrasing of information we know already... This is an all winners season, we all use deflection on newbies, this isn't the season to do this. I just think i'm a little annoyed at his lack of information sharing because great alliances are built on trust, I have given him plenty of reasons to trust me, however, he does not give anything back. I think i'll give it one more week and then start to air grievances.
I believe more than anything there is room to challenge peoples game play on this season, since we are aware as winners that the big moves mentality is just an easy way to set yourself/your alliance in a domino affect elimination order for minimal gain. Joe is a smart enough guy to know this, so if i have to, I will push him and just be candid and transparent with my annoyances, cuz i'm not ready for him to whore off my information, i'm an information whore too, bitch!
So anyways, right now i'm just trying to have daily casual convos, but also not trying to overplay the social card, I want to ensure that i keep a healthy sweet spot on how i measure out convos with folks, just so i can remain relatively off the radar. Felix wanting to target me is an issue at this point, so my main goal this week is to start building rapport with him so he doesn't distrust me. It wouldn't have shocked me if Nicole had told him that I said to her he and i aren't close. I need to fix this issue asap, because being on the block is not something i want to see happen for a while, it's too risky for me, i'm not the best at clutching comp wins nor do i want people to contemplate taking me out, it creates too many opportunities for not even me to be evicted now, but to be evicted later. The less people view me as an elimination option, the better.
I guess i'll end with saying i know i'm safe, Mackie has called me 2 times for 1 hour (willingly, not forced to, like Felix), and It seems like either Nicole or Trey is his target, leaning towards Trey. I would love to see Trey leave he just tries to fish for information from me, and doesn't even really try hard enough to get to know me, so i know he isn't in my longterm plans, so him leaving helps solve that. Mackie wants to lean towards doing Nicole but I framed to Mackie as that pissing off Felix (since it removes a number from his alliance), and that it probably does more damage to his game. I mainly highlight the pissing off Felix point since Mackie mentioned several times on call that he needs Felix in this game, so I just want him to consider that, while also getting my more preferred outcome. He was probably aware of it, since Mackie and I are pretty close at this stage, I am willing to go deep with him since he's a really cool guy, thinks the same way that I do, and actually gives me information, so that's 3 Yeses from me.
Okay i'm sleeping i've written enough for today.

Unrelated but I also got into a bet with Duncan last night. Loser of the bet has to go to the house chat and give pick-up lines to every houseguest. I kinda hope I lose because I have some ideas already and they are GOLD.

Oh my fucking god where do I start jesus christ holy fuck good lord.
ok so I believe the last I made a confessional I had just stitched together my two 3 person alliances and added Tasha for good measure. This seemed like a good group for me. I really needed some structure in the game, and this would provide that. Then Mackie won the HOH and it was like, this could be bad but I'm just going to talk with him and make sure we're cool. And we seemed to be. I didn't compete in the temptation comp because I had zero confidence in my ability to do well, and when I saw Nick's score I knew I was right to sit out. Finally had a more in depth talk with Mackie, and he talked about how he had distrust with both sides of the house, and he felt I was in a similar situation. Yes Mackie. He feels like people have lacked integrity in this game, and he wants to remedy that. Yes Mackie. \*He wants to target Trey and do I have any idea who Trey and Tasha are with? UM, NO MACKIE. I DON'T. Yeah, he totally knew about the alliance. But I was playing it cool, especially after we had just talked about people not sticking to their allies... God he was dropping so many hints on me.
Then Trey quit. Wtf Trey. This is a game, not everything will go your way. Get over it.
Then I become the target in Trey's place. Wtf Trey. God damn it..
GOD DAMN IT EVERYONE! GOD DAMN IT E V E R Y O N E! EVERYONE! Mackie tells me that each. and. every. fucking. person. in the alliance ratted it out except me. I can't. That's fucking comedic. What am I supposed to do with this?
First Tyler doesn't tell me what's up, and this convinces me to target him with Cliff because I thought I was closest with Tyler and should have heard of that stuff. Then he and Nick lie to me about the Ben plan. They've betrayed me, thy clearly do not trust me, scratch them off the list.
~~Tyler~~
~~Nick~~
Damn, two of my favorite allies. That's ok though, because the opposite side of the house has been far more honest with me! Nick and Tyler totally dug their own graves with me. \*This\* side of the house is the one I ca trust! But just for some stability, let's make an alliance! I love these people! This is great! They all betray me immediately! Wait wha??
~~Tyler~~
~~Nick~~
~~Trey~~
~~Dan~~
~~Duncan~~
~~Felix~~
~~Tasha~~
Oh waaaait, I forgot earlier that Slim basically identified himself as being with Tyler! And Mackie just nominated me!

~~Tyler~~
~~Nick~~
~~Slim~~
~~Trey~~
~~Dan~~
~~Duncan~~
~~Felix~~
~~Tasha~~
~~Mackie~~
WHO THE FUCK'S LEFT?? NOT INCLUDING CLIFF AND BEN, THAT'S FUCKING EVERYONE I'VE TRIED TO WORK WITH THUS FAR! THEY'VE ALL BURNED ME! WHAT THE FUCK'S NEXT?
well, eviction, probably.
But in all seriousness, we've got Adam who I've heard from multiple people is with Tyler, Brandon who has barely talked but when he's talked he's been shady, Tara, who hardly talks to anyone ever but accounts say she's a loyal number for Tyler, and Joe, who has basically just snubbed my offer to work together! 4 people to begin with, and they're not great options. Ho lee fuk.
Dan says he'll use POV on me. I'll believe it when I see it. It would buy back trust. If Mackie wins I'll try and strongarm him into taking me down and nominating someone who hasn't stuck to their allies. If I can get a hold of Brandon, I'm basically gonna beg for him to use the veto because it would make me extremely loyal to him. I doubt I can win this comp. But I may be my only hope.

Bro I don’t even know what their is too say another quit?? I have Clifford the benefit of the doubt because I heard that he is dealing with some serious shit and that’s okay. Trey though he clearly quit because he wasn’t happy that he was about to be a potential nomination, what kind of Winner shit is that?? The fact that he was a potential nomination made me fucking insanely nervous. Like prior to this happening I had a very solid conversation with Mackie that confirmed that I’m in with him at least for the time being which is fantastic, so I was like oh cool I’ll take a nap because things are settled. ..,. I wake up and all hell broke loose Trey quit as I mentioned. I know for a fact that a lot more happened that I wasn’t privy too. The worst part of all this is Felix prolly thinks I leaked an alliance he told me about . I know the alliance is Duncan Tasha Dan Felix and Pydo and formally trey.
I really wish I had more to talk about but I’m afraid it would be ramble

1. Felix
2. Tyler
3. Mackie
4. Slim/ Tara
6. Pydo
7. Tasha
8. Dan
9. Joe
10. Brandon
11. Duncan
12. Nick