Mistholme Museum

> *This page is a about the **in-universe location.** For other usues, see The Mistholme Museum of Mystery, Morbidity, and Mortality (disambiguation) .*
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The Mistholme Museum of Mystery, Morbidity, and Mortality has "well over… many exhibits." It houses the best facilities in the known world for the maintenance and care of unique artifacts. It has no owner.

The Museum itself is paramount in the minds of its staff. Part of their purpose at the Museum is to collect interesting or noteworthy objects and stories. Without the Museum, people’s understanding of the world would be tragically limited, and so the staff of the Museum work to open the eyes and minds of the people of this world, without any expectation of recognition.

## Staff

### Departments

There are Six Departments, however the name of the sixth is currently unknown.

* Patronage Department
	+ Audio Tour Guide
* Research Department
	+ Head of Research
	+ "Dee"
* Restoration Department
	+ Head of Restoration
	+ 2 Restorers
* Retrieval Department
	+ Head of Retrieval
	+ Francis
	+ R109 (Harris, Chen, Torres, Reilly, and Dunham)
* Security Department
	+ Head of Security
	+ Clockwork Mother
	+ Officer Brookes
* Billing Department (non-canon or sub-department as it is not one of the Six Departments)
* Complaints Department (non-canon or sub-department as it is not one of the Six Departments)

### Other

* Curator's Cat
* Dustpan and brush

## Museum Policies

Patrons of the Museum may look at exhibits, but not touch, interact, or communicate with them.

The Museum does not under any circumstances part with any items in its collections.

The written word is not allowed anywhere within the Museum because some exhibits cannot be in close proximity to the written word and things tend to go wrong when text is involved. Exhibits based around the written word, such as the Old Leather Notebook, typically have a replica on display. However, due to “reasons” special dispensation has been granted in situations where the central aspect of an exhibit is a piece of text, such as the Changeling.

Nobody outside of Research, Retrieval, Restoration, maybe Security gets to see potential new exhibits before they’re categorized. Unidentified and uncategorized items are kept in opaque plastic or lead-lined containers, depending on necessity. In case of an alternatural event, proper protocol is to put the item in an incinerator before heading to the shelter.

Some "stick-in-the-mud higher-ups" are generally against using "powerful and potentially dangerous alternatural Items" but have made an exception for the Dustpan and Brush when discovered how protifitable it was.

Tours only last 20-30 minutes as afterwards the chance of the Audio Tour Guide breaking down increases exponentially. If patrons believe that the Guide may be deviating from the intended tour program, they are instructed to deposit their audio device in the nearest incinerator.

## Architecture and Navigation

There were no architects involved in the building of the museum. Many locations throughout the Museum and the Museum itself consider the laws of physics a mere guideline, and tend to play by their own rules. Due to the shifting nature of the Museum, maps would be impossible to incorporate into the Museum. This necessitates the use of an A.I. Audio Tour Guide capable of comprehending the listener's position within the Museum or in the presence of certain artifacts or exhibits.

The Museum is "labyrinthine" in nature and difficult to navigate without assistance. Feedback from past guests indicates that, no matter what route you take through the Museum, you’re sure to see some fascinating and unique exhibits.  The halls inside is also described as seeming to stretch out forever with no signage as well as "strange glass windows" and cases. There are elevators within the museum.

The Mistholme Museum is described as residing in the middle of nowhere that is, under normal circumstances, impossible to find.

## History

The Museum has existed for "an extensive length of time" but at least since 1961.

## Points of Interest

* Public Area
	+ Cafeteria
	+ Exhibits
		- Stables
* Staff Only Area
	+ Medical Centre
	+ Observatory
	+ Secure Archives
	+ Staff Alternatural Event Shelter
	+ Store-room containing the Box of the Audio Tour Guide
	+ Patronage Department
		- Auxiliary Security Monitoring Station
		- Break Room
		- Tour Guide Distribution and Monitoring Station
	+ Retrieval Department
		- A big room with a massive map of the world across one wall
		- Antenna
		- Equipment Storage
		- Staging Area
* Other
	+ Alternatural Event Shelters
	+ Hidden Wing
		- Wish Engine
	+ Security Department (phase-shifted over the top of the Museum)

## Legal Disclaimers

While the staff at Mistholme Museum of Mystery Morbidity and Mortality do their absolute best to ensure the safety of all visitors, accidents can happen. The Museum is not liable for any

* Injury
* Death
* Crushing Sense of Hopelessness and Despair
* Bodily Possession
* Implosion
* Spaghettification
* Ego Death
* MegaDeth
* Defenestration
* Embiggening
* Twisted Eye Syndrome
* Keelhauling
* Bodily Possession
* Subdermal Sunburn
* Feline HIV
* Bodily Possession
* Inverted Fingernails
* Banana Peel-related Injuries
* Disappointing Offspring
* Wild Variations in Tone
* Red Right-Handedness
* Cases of the Mondays
* Scarlet Letter Fever
* Rapid-Onset Entropy
* Existential Euphoria
* Overuse of the Passive Voice
* Intestinal Rearrangement
* Deus Ex Machina
* Freaky Friday-esque Body-Swapping Shenanigans
* Unfortunate Stretching
* Bad Vibes
* Toxoplasmosis
* Unoriginal Podcast Ideas
* Poor Phone Service
* Gentrification
* Easter Island Head Syndrome
* Schoolgirl-like Giggling
* Wacky Noodle-Arms
* Gig Economies
* High-stakes fiddle contests
* Impulse purchases
* Gradual reductions in comedic content
* klat sdrawkcab modnaR
* "ZANE REMIND ME TO PUT COUCH GAG HERE"
* Intangible presences that follow you home
* Or slow but inevitable decay

that may occur during a visit.

## References

1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 1.4 1.5 1.6 IRREVOCABLE
2. ↑ FALLEN
3. ↑ NECESSARY
4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 4.2 SPIRALING
5. ↑ ARTIFICIAL
6. ↑ NASCENT
7. ↑ ISOLATED
8. ↑ INVIOLATE
9. ↑ NAIVE
10. ↑ INANIMATE