Modern Men

"**Modern Men**" is an episode of the BBC sitcom *Only Fools and Horses*. It was the second episode of the 1996 Christmas trilogy and the fourteenth Christmas special, first screened on 27 December 1996. In the episode, Del Boy is a reading a new lifestyle book, *Modern Man*. Later, Cassandra suffers a miscarriage.

## Synopsis

*Del is reading a new lifestyle book called "Modern Man", while Cassandra suffers a miscarriage.*

## Plot

Because of the good news that Rodney and Cassandra are expecting a baby, the Trotters go out for a night at *The Nag's Head*.

At the Nag's Head, Del Boy is able to convince Mike to accept a fiver for a trayful of drinks as well as sell him a "hairdryer" (actually an electric paint stripper) by doing the "I can make you turn your hands over without touching you" trick. Mickey Pearce then reminds Rodney that he needs to get a proper job before his and Cassandra's child is born (Rodney accidentally quit his last job in "The Chance of a Lunchtime").

Later that night, while they're in bed, Del shows Raquel a new book he bought called "**Modern Man**", which Del thinks will turn him into a gentleman when he meets Raquel's parents in the near future. Raquel then requests that Del give Rodney a proper job, because in seven months time, he'll be a father.

Meanwhile, while they're in bed, Rodney tells Cassandra that Del has to stop making on-the-spot decisions. Del, however, has decided to have a vasectomy.

The next morning at Nelson Mandela House, Rodney tells Uncle Albert about a want ad in the paper advertising a highbrow company. He picks up the phone and dials the company, but doesn't realize that he's called Del's new mobile phone. Del takes part in the conversation with the false identity "Ivor Hardy" and talking in a strong Welsh accent, as well as explaining what his company sells; anything it can get its hands on, and Rodney's job is to take the stuff down to the market and sell it from a suitcase. Del enters the lounge and says in his own voice, "We're always on the lookout for dirty little plonkers like you!" Rodney realizes that the job he wanted is already his, and that Del only placed that ad in the newspaper so that someone could help him while Rodney looks for a real job. Del accuses Rodney of trying to get rid of him when Rodney said that he hadn't got a brother to Del. Completely understanding about his younger brother's worried pride, Del promotes Rodney to Sales Director.

The Trotter Brothers go to Sid's café, and hide from a Sikh medic named Dr. Singh, who's looking for Del because of the faulty paint (whose expiration date was June 1983) he sold him. Del tells Rodney that he's getting a vasectomy, much to his younger brother's disapproval.

Sometime later, Del is in a medical clinic, ready for his vasectomy, and Dr. Singh is going to operate on him. Del screams loudly, and he wakes up in a cold sweat back in his own bed with Raquel. Del then decides to not have the vasectomy after all, and goes back to sleep.

The next day, upon coming back from the market, Rodney taunts Del for backing out of the vasectomy. But Dr. Singh shows up and demands that Del get rid of the faulty paint he sold him immediately. As the Sikh doctor leaves on a motorscooter, Del wisecracks about him not wearing a crash helmet because of his huge turban (a genuine legal exemption under UK law), which gives Del an idea.

Later at 5:30pm, back at the flat, Rodney is shown wearing a horseriding helmet with Raquel's scarf on it, which Del calls a "Trotter Crash Turban". Raquel believes that the product will never catch on, while Albert receives a telephone call for Rodney from Cassandra's bank that Cassandra suffered a miscarriage.

The Trotter Brothers quickly get to the hospital and ask the sister about which room Cassandra is in. As they head off, a drunken man is insulting the hospital staff and its patients.

As Del and Rodney arrive at Cassandra's room in theatre gowns, Del tells Rodney that he has to be comforting and understanding as well as talk about the future, not the past or present. The Trotter Brothers enter, and Cassandra tearfully says that she's sorry. To Rodney's surprise, Del begins to cry. Rodney tries his best to comfort his wife and tell her that things just happen. Del agrees and leaves the room sobbing. Cassandra then says that she lost the baby, but Rodney tells her that they'll get through this. Cassandra smiles and hugs her husband.

Back in the waiting room, the drunken man is still insulting the staff, and becomes even more angry when Mike (who accidentally burned his forehead with the paint stripper Del sold him) is attended to before him. As Del enters the room to dry his tears, he is insulted by the drunken man's trash-talking. Del shuts the drunken man up by hitting him square on the jaw. The impact from the blow causes the drunken man to sober up. Now feeling better, Del says to a waiting patient, "I bet you wish you'd gone private!", then leaves satisfied.

## Featured characters

* Del Boy
* Rodney
* Uncle Albert
* Raquel
* Cassandra
* Damien
* Mike Fisher
* Boycie
* Marlene
* Denzil
* Trigger
* Mickey Pearce
* Sid
* Dr. Singh
* Drunken Man

### Production goofs

* Sid's café increases significantly in size from "Dates" and "Miami Twice" in this episode. This is also the third different layout the café has had, as it is completely different in "To Hull and Back".
* The Trotter Van's registration number is DHV 938 D, whereas in "The Russians Are Coming" and "A Touch of Glass", the van's registration number was APL 911 H.
* When Del is in his bedroom with Raquel, the extremely tacky purple headboard hasn't got a large golden heart within its design, whereas in "The Chance of a Lunchtime", the heart was incorporated within the design.

### Miscellaneous trivia

* When Rodney phones Del up for his own job, Raquel puts him on hold. The music that plays while he is on hold is "Old Shep", Del's favourite song from "Diamonds Are For Heather".
* Del would later pitch The Trotters Crash Turban on Dragon's Den roughly 15 years later according to his autobiography "He Who Dares"

"Go West Young Man" ·
"Cash and Curry" ·
"The Second Time Around" ·
"A Slow Bus To Chingford" ·
"Ashes to Ashes" ·
"A Losing Streak" ·
"No Greater Love" ·
"The Yellow Peril" ·
"It Never Rains..." ·
"Healthy Competition" ·
"Friday the 14th" ·
"Yesterday Never Comes" ·
"May the Force Be with You" ·
"Wanted" ·
"Strained Relations ·
"Hole in One" ·
"It's Only Rock and Roll" ·
"Sleeping Dogs Lie" ·
"Watching the Girls Go By" ·
"The Miracle of Peckham" ·
"The Longest Night" ·
"Tea for Three" ·
"Video Nasty" ·
"Danger UXD" ·
"Chain Gang" ·
"The Unlucky Winner Is..." ·
"Sickness and Wealth" ·
"The Chance of a Lunchtime" ·
"Stage Fright" ·
"The Class of '62" ·
"He Ain't Heavy, He's My Uncle" ·
"Diamonds Are For Heather" (1982) ·
"Thicker than Water" (1983) ·
"Licensed to Drill" (1984) ·
"To Hull and Back" (1985) ·
"A Royal Flush" (1986) ·
"The Frog's Legacy" (1987) ·
"Dates" (1988) ·
"The Jolly Boys' Outing" (1989) ·
"Rodney Come Home" (1990) ·
"Miami Twice" (1991) ·
"Mother Nature's Son" (1992) ·
"Fatal Extraction" (1993) ·
"Heroes and Villains" (1996) ·
"**Modern Men**" (1996) ·
"Time On Our Hands" (1996) ·
"If They Could See Us Now" (2001) ·
"Strangers on the Shore" (2002) ·
"Sleepless in Peckham" (2003)
"Beckham in Peckham" (2014)