Little Screetchin' Riding Hood

**Little Screechin' Riding Hood** is the fourth segment of Episode 4 of Season 1. Melissa plays the role of Little Red Riding Hood who, instead, terrorizes the Big Bad Wolf in this big band take of the original story.

## Lyrics

**Hoodettes**: This may be a fairy rhyme,

But this ain't Once Upon a Time.

When Melissa Screech, that kid disgrace,

Went up to visit Grandma's place,

In the tale of Little Screechin' Riding Hood!

Now, Grandma Screech snuck out her door.

**Grandma Screech**: *(spoken)* Can't stand Melissa Screech no more!

**Hoodettes:** She hired the Big, Bad Wolf, you see.

**Grandma Screech**: *(spoken)* Here's 50 bucks if you'll be me!

'Cause I can't stand that Screechin' Riding Hood!

**Hoodettes**: Now, whaddya think Melissa said,

When she saw that Big, Bad Wolf in bed?

**Melissa Screech** *(spoken)* If he's my grandma, I'm a tree!

I'll give that bum the third degree!

**Hoodettes**: Shoo-bee-doo-bee-doo-bee-doo-bee-oo-wee-oo-ah!

Melissa Screech!

**Melissa Screech**: What big, bad eyes!

**Hoodettes**: Yanked them up to twice his size!

**Melissa Screech**: The better they see me dance around!

**Hoodettes**: Then, she jigged and juked 'til the sun came down.

Gotta watch the dance of the Screechin' Riding Hood!

*(Instrumental Break)*

**Hoodettes**: She made him watch. She made him squeal.

**Melissa Screech**: Hey, this is all part of that Grandma deal!

And, if you will not watch me well,

I'll ack-ack-ack 'til your eardrums swell!

*(screaming noises)*

**Hoodettes**: And then, she yelled!

**Melissa Screech**: What big, bad ears!

The bigger, the better my grandma hears!

Now, I'll recite my favorite verse.

"My dance was lame! My poems are worse!

Roses are red, violets are blue.

I'm not leaving, and neither are you!"

*(Instrumental Break)*

**Hoodettes**: The Big, Bad Wolf was about to weep,

'Cause he couldn't stand this little creep.

He wanted to slink out of the house.

So, he crept and creeped like a little mouse.

**Melissa Screech**: Whaddya think? You're getting out?!

Try that again, AND I'LL SCREAM AND SHOUT!

**Hoodettes**: Then, she yelled!

**Melissa Screech**: What big, bad paws!

Hey, this is all part of that Grandma clause!

Now, you've gotta give me holds and hugs!

**Hoodettes**:And she made him kiss her ugly mug.

**Big, Bad Wolf**: Spit, spit, spit, spit, spit! Ptooey!

**Hoodettes**:Melissa said...

**Melissa Screech**: What big, bad jaws!

**Hoodettes**: The Big, Bad Wolf said...

**Big, Bad Wolf**: That's because I've gotta bite off your little head.

**Melissa Screech**: Gosh, if you do, then, I'll end up dead!

**Big, Bad Wolf**: *(Chomp!)*

**Melissa Screech**: *(screaming noises)*

**Hoodettes**: He chased her up,

He chased her down.

Chased that little punk around!

'Til she made him eat some heavy stones,

She pumped him down to Davy Jones.

Wolves, don't mess with Screechin' Riding Hood!

**Melissa Screech**: Moral of this story is...

**Big, Bad Wolf**: Hey, wolves, stay outta this Grandma biz.

**Melissa Screech**: All Big, Bad Wolves, hear what I preach.

Don't mess with me: MELISSA SCREECH!

**Wolf Chorus (and Newark)**: Wolves, don't mess with Screechin' Riding Hood!

**Newark**: Hey!

**Hoodettes**: Wolves, don't mess with Screechin' Riding Hood!

Wolves, don't mess with Screechin'... Riding Hood!

Shoo-bee-doo-bee-doo-bee-doo-boop!

Bop-a-doo-wop! Doo-waaaaahhhhh!

## Trivia

Newark from the B Movie Parodies makes a cameo in a wolf costume in the final shot.