Glenn Martin, DDS Lost Episode

If you never watched the show Glenn Martin, DDS it was a show that was from the creators of MTV’s Celebrity Deathmatch. The show is about the adventures of a dentist who, after learning that his favorite childhood amusement park is about to be demolished, takes his family on a cross-country road trip in his toothbrush-topped "dental mobile" to protest the razing. Along the way, the Martins grow closer as a family as they're met by an assortment of colorful locals and crazy situations.

It all started almost 2 years ago. It was an summer afternoon, and I was rooting through other people's garbage as usual. As I brushed aside all the usual trash, something caught my eye. It was a tape labelled "LOST GLENN MARTIN, DDS EPISODE DON'T WATCH". "Woah!" I said. "I can't wait to see what's on here!" I immediately hopped out of the dumpster and rushed back to my house.

I got back to my house in only a few minutes and wasted no time in viewing this so-called "lost episode". I popped that thing in, sat on the couch, and prepared for the show.

It had the regular intro of the show, but without the music. It began normally after that, with Glenn takes his family to an Amish community with a redecorated interior of the RV. This is where everything started getting weird. While leaving the Amish community, Glenn, Jackie, Conor, Courtney and Wendy were completely silent, and this went on for about three minutes. No one was angry; no one had any expression actually. Abruptly, as the family pulls into the drive way, it cut to a scene inside the RV. Glenn was yelling at Conor for not "giving the 411 on what to expect". Glenn then picked up the football and got into a throwing position. At this point, the video quality was getting very scraggly, and the volume level was raised roughly 10%. Glenn pegged the ball and it hit Conor's nose. Jackie was seen in the background crying, and Glenn simply told her to "shut the fuck up." Conor immediately cupped his nose and ran out of the room, crying the whole way.

As Conor was in the bathroom checking his nose, a social worker came to the door. Jackie greeted him as Glenn sat on the sofa, relaxing as if nothing happened. Next scene depicted Jackie sitting on the phone late at night, most likely contacting Child Services to tell them about how Glenn purposely threw the football at Conor. Glenn suddenly walked through the doorway. He was in a bathrobe, and had no clothes. He grabbed the phone.

"WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" Glenn yelled.

"This is the department of Child Services," was the response.

Glenn's face quickly turned red, and slammed the phone back on the wall. He grasped Jackie by the neck.

"YOU GONNA GET MORE OF THOSE NEO-SOVIETS OVER HERE TO PUT ME IN PRISON AND TAKE OUR KIDS AWAY?!" he howled.

The scene cut to Glenn taking Jackie by the back of the neck down the hallway to the dentist room. Glenn took all of the dental accessories out of the table, and shoved all of it into Jackie's mouth. The video then went silent for a minute, simply showing the knife in Jackie's mouth. When the scene started moving again, Jackie's eyes slowly close, and a voice was heard.

"God, forgive me for using all of the dental accessories for this."

The only problem was that when Glenn said this, Glenn did not even sound like Kevin Nealon, the person who voiced Glenn. It sounded like an older and deeper voice. The screen went black after this. I fast forwarded through the rest of the tape, to make sure there was no more content on it. There was none. I just thought to myself, "Why so much wasted space?", and at this point I was really shaken up. I went to grab a coffee. When I got back, It was still a black screen. I fast forwarded to check for content, and eventually came across some stuff that was really starting to scare me. It was a funeral, but there was very few colors. There was only various forms of black and white, and the colors of peoples' faces.

The funeral was for Jackie. Attending it was all of the Glenn Martin, DDS characters. Even Glenn was there, claiming that Jackie had killed herself. As Jackie's coffin was lowered into the hole, it faded into an overhead view of it being lowered. This part really made me shit bricks. It was a somewhat highly realistic image of Jackie in the coffin. The scene then cut to Conor, Glenn, and Canine standing outside. Conor had a queasy face, and Glenn had one hand on one of the dental accessories that he used to commit the murder. Conor turned to his father.

"Why...did you do it dad?" he asked, in a humble voice.

"I don't know, son," Glenn responded. He almost sounded like he was crying.

He then stood up and walked inside, leaving Conor and Canine who were still outside.

It once again cut to a very dull scene, with nothing but black, white, and the skin colors. It was a scene that literally made me sick to my stomach like a Taco Bell stomach ache. It was Glenn, hanging from the ceiling, with a note pinned on him. It just stayed focused on him swinging back and forth for two minutes or so. It then cut to the ending credits, with the normal outro and theme music. I was actually kind of laughing on the inside at the fact that the show was playing the regular ending credits, after all that stuff happened. I was really more confused and creeped out at it. I noticed them working together to break down my back door! I rushed to the front of my house, got in my car, and sped off. As I drove off, I looked in my rearview mirror and saw the six standing in my yard. They were all staring at me with angry expressions on their faces.

I skipped town after that and have been on the run ever since. This may just be me losing my mind, but I swear at every gas station, every restaurant, and every motel, I see 6 figures out of the corner of my eye, all of them eating food. I fear that I may not have much time left.

I was really curious at this point, so I drove about miles and went right down to Nickelodeon HQ. I knew that The Tornante Company made the show, but I assumed Nick had every episode on record until 2011, as they aired them all. Beforehand, I did some research and figured out who was in charge of broadcasting Glenn Martin, DDS, so I found a receptionist in the studio and demanded to talk to him. Apparently though, I needed a guest pass of some sort. I was completely pissed off at this point, so I drove back home and put on my old sheriff's uniform (I was a sheriff for Midtown Manhattan about three years ago). I went back, and although it is unlawful, I used my badge to talk to him.

When I got into his office, he was just sitting at his desk talking on his phone. I walked up to him, threw the tapes on his desk and demanded answers. He dropped the phone immediately, and grabbed the tapes. I followed him to another office on the other side of the building. There was a small safe in this office. He opened it up, put the tapes in, and locked it. He then told me to leave. I did not want to act like a sheriff anymore because I did not want to get in trouble with the law, so I left. I got home and flipped on the TV. Nick at Nite was on, and I was relieved to see a real episodes of Glenn Martin, DDS. To this day, there are only two copies of this episode on four tapes, that I can find anything about on the internet. One of them I assume is still locked up in Nickelodeon Studios.

You may possibly come across more of them in the dumpsters so I'll take the chance to warn you: if you ever find a tape labelled "LOST GLENN MARTIN DDS EPISODE DON'T WATCH" in a dumpster, leave it in the trash where it belongs.