Headhunters 4: The Fantastic Fourteen

## Introduction

An idol, a broken leg, and a Monday night meltdown. Week two brought the heat and in the end Bobecue got burned.

## In Memorium: Bobecue Chicken

It's been a strange path for Bobecue Chicken. Last year Bobecue Chicken was eliminated in the first (and only) head-to-head showdown with Sweet Dee (Burrow For Sure-Oh). But then, like a grilled phoenix rising from the charcoal, Bobecue was brought back into the league and went on a miracle run to third place. This made it clear that Bobecue might not be the best drafter, but he can hang once the wheeling and dealing starts. Sadly, Bob was responsible for drafting his own team again this year and things did not go well.

Chicken had just one player narrowly beat their projection: Deebo. Everyone else shat the bed. Jones and Mills combined for 38.68 points. Nine QBs beat that number on their own. It seems impossible, but Cole Kmet still has 0 fantasy points in 2022. 73 tight ends have at least 1.10 points. Kmet is not one of them. Maybe Chicken should have drafted \*checks notes\* Tommy Tremble!

But as bad as it was, things could have been worse. Heading into MNF, they somehow still had a shot against It's Blitz! Track 2. Blitz had a slight lead and Ryan Tannehill, but Bob had Dalvin Cook and AJ Brown. We all saw what Brown Could Do For You last week, and Dalvin is an integral part of that Vikings offense. A shootout would pretty much have guaranteed a victory for the wing man. Instead, the Vikings shot themselves in the foot.

But then, after Bob fell asleep on the couch, the odds improved dramatically. Ryan Tannehill threw a pick six and got benched, finishing the day with 0.48 fantasy points. Blitz would have gotten more points had they started \*checks notes\* Tommy Tremble!

But Il Pollo could not complete the comeback. Jalen Hurts played so well that AJ Brown simply wasn't needed, and the Vikings stunk so bad that they pulled Dalvin Cook. It's a little poetic that the Eagles would screw over this Giants fan, but I doubt Bobecue is in the mood for poetry. If Headhunters is a full meal, Bobecue wasn't even around long enough to get the free basket of bread. Now he heads to a backyard cookout in the sky to watch over us in hopes that maybe someday Commish will kick a random team out and he can jump back into the frying pan.

Bobecue Chicken:

## Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022)

Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022)
 Bobecue Chicken

## Dead Money

Keeping track of all the cash that never got spent by teams that are now eliminated.

Dead Money 2022

## New Releases

1. Ja'Marr Chase
2. Deebo Samuel
3. Dalvin Cook
4. AJ Brown
5. Cole Kmet...BAHHH, just kidding. I don't know, Melvin Gordon III?

## Week Two Bidding Results

#### Quick-Hit Thoughts

* Good thing Bobecue won that Greg Dortch bid. He would have been in big trouble otherwise.
* Irony? Karma? A Derek Jinx? What do you call naming your team "no QBs no problem" and then spending $277 on a QB who breaks his leg ten seconds into week two?
* Wildcat doubled down on bad spend by using nearly 20% of their budget to acquire Darrell Henderson Jr., only for the clock to strike midnight and turn him into a backup pumpkin.
* Say what you will about CP making Lamar Jackson one of the most expensive players in Headhunters history (Zeke went for $563 in 2019 so Lamar is not quite #1), but it's hard to argue with results. If Jackson wants to drop 80 every week, he'll be worth his weight in fake fantasy money.
* In a strange way, that wasn't even the biggest overpay of the week. The next highest bid was $333, or 68% of the winning bid. The next highest bid for Trey Lance was just 12% of the winning bid.
* For $21, Broadway Joe Flacco proved to be the bargain of the week. Muller Lite was dead in the water before Flacco turned back the clocks and became Elite for the first time since his Super Bowl run.

## Money Spent Per Week

Money Spent Per Week

We did it! The biggest opening week of bidding in Headhunters history. I'd like to thank all the fans, my family, and of course none of this would have been possible without the love and support of wildcat's reckless spending.

## Week Two Results

* Biggest Climber: The Guilloteam (^10)
* Biggest Faller: It's Blitz! Track 2 (v11)

## 2022 Draft Dodgers

Uh oh. Things are not going well for the bottom of the draft order. Is the Fantasy Grim Reaper coming for Bad Boys next?

## Kings of the Castle

### 1. Henry VIII

Daddy Diggs and Matty Diggs might be the two shittiest teams in the LOC, but in Headhunters they are holding their own. Commish could have done the tactically smart thing and benched Jones/Buffalo to ensure better waiver priority. But the allure of finishing first for the first time was too great. Worth it? Maybe. Diggs put up one of the best performances ever, aided by a monster showing from Tua and projection-busting days from six other players.

### 2. The Guilloteam

If you spend big, you better perform big. It was a big day for newcomers Andrews and Williams, but it was the Monday night performance by Jalen Hurts that stole the show. As great at this was, this team still only has one startable RB and that was Dame Harris, who got banged up at the end of Sunday's game. Is it time for Guilloteam to step back into the kitchen and Dalvin Cook?

### 3. Bad Boys

Where the hell did this come from? Bad Boys was projected for a league low 178.71 points. Enter Stefon and Tyreek, two WRs who combined for 110.20 points, almost enough to take down Bobecue Chicken's total team score of 116.35. This is especially impressive considering the late losses of Julio Jones and Alvin Kamara, which makes this still a rocky team even after the big day.

### 4. burrow for sure-oh

Fourth place! Fourth place! Fourth place! The finish so nice she did it twice. Chubb got fat off three TDs, and Carson returned to the glory days from Wentz he came with a 48.81 point day in Detroit. Consistent, balanced, but with room to improve on the bench. A great position for sure-oh.

### 5. Muller Lite

A Jets fan getting saved by a Jets player. What a thing of beauty. Whatever elixer of life Flacco took before the Jets game, be real nice if he could share with guys like George Brittle. Although who knows, maybe Tyler Conklin is the real deal? Hell, maybe Muller should just keep accumulating Jets players and start a whole gang of green. Muller's bench is in rough shape and Joe won't be QB forever in NY, but for today we savor the best game the New York fan base has seen in many years.

## On the Chopping Block

### 14. It's Blitz! Track 2

We knew it would be rough for Blitz and his QBs, but less than a point for Tannehill? Seems impossible. Mid-game injuries nearly tanked this team in week two. Jeudy's Booty was looking smaller than ever. Dalton Schultz is banged up. Zeke What-The-Helliot isn't hurt but looks 100 years old. It's a precarious position to be in early on when players get hurt and there are a dozen sharks in the water fighting over the newly released chum from the chopped team.

### 13. Wildcat (no QBs no problem)

I mean there has to come a point where Wildcat can't buy any more QBs. That point might be now, because they've already spent a ton of money and there are other positions of need. But LAWD, I would not be too thrilled about heading into week three with Mac Jones and Cooper Rush as my guys.

### 12. Mixon It Up With Mahomie

The way Justin Fields plays, Mahomie basically has just one QB on their roster. I wish I could take back all the time I've spent watching this piece of shit play football, if you can even call it playing football. What's a QB that can't throw? Shit, hire that WR who played Qb for Denver a couple years ago when the entire team had COVID. I think they'd be better off. At the very least, it looks like Gage is due for a huge week coming up with half the Bucs offense hurt or suspended.

### 11. Out of Luck

A bit of a coming down to Earth for Papa, aided by average days from Justin Jefferson and D'Andre Swift and an ejection of Mike Evans. Luck seems content to roll with his team another week or two before getting involved in bidding, but can the lower end guys on this roster hold the fort until reinforcements arrive?

### 10. The Executioner

Used his idol this week, but it wasn't the worst time to pull the trigger. 176.29 isn't exactly moving the needle, and his 1pm guys basically all blew chunks. What is there to do about Kyle Pitts of Despair? You can't bench him, but is this just the reality of Atlanta's offense? Chase Edmonds...the backup? Jarvis Landry should Land himself in retirement if he's not going to be the PPR machine we need him to be. But luckily the late window brought a decent showing from Murray and Denver that saved the day.

## Average Scores of Eliminated Teams

Average Scores of Eliminated Teams
 CoachKnows

## Narrow Defeats

Margin of Defeat for Last Place Teams:

Margin of Defeat for Eliminated Teams
 Bobecue Chicken

## Rulers of the Kingdom

2022 first place finishers:

Top Scorers by Week
 1

## Dungeon Dwellers

2022 teams that finished second-to-last, narrowly avoiding elimination:

Low Scorers by Week
 2

## Single Season Scoring Records

As teams get eliminated, their single season performance will appear here.

Bobecue sets a weird record here. He becomes the first team to finish a season between 300-400 points.

## All-Time Combined Points Scored

Same as above: eliminated teams will have their 2022 season added to the total.

Bob is at risk of falling in the standings this year as a result of his early exit. Out of Luck has already passed him, with Mixon set to do so next week.

It's Blitz has become the fourth team to pass 7,000 total points in Headhunters, while CP holds the narrowest of leads on the all-time list.

Wildcat needed 148.50 to pass Coach and he scored 148.07, but with just a fraction of a point next week he will move in to 11th all-time on the scoring list.