Blue Pumpkin Cupcakes

October 23, 2020 -- The Big Base

“Why are you dating Boon?” Jenny poses the question while pulling a tray of cupcakes out of the oven, not noticing she’d forgotten her oven mitts again. The heat didn’t bother her but she had promised Atlanta to wear them “for the safety of others.”

Atlanta winces as she watches Jenny touch the hot tray. The girl might not feel the heat, but it was unsettling to see every time. At the question, she got a little happy grin on her face, like she always did when thinking of Boon. “Well, I’m not sure exactly what you mean by that. Like, on the practical side, we’re dating because they asked me out in January, and then asked me to be their girlfriend in March. On like, the emotional side we’re dating because we love each other. Being around each other makes us happy, and every time we’re apart and then we get to see each other again, it’s like a breath of fresh air. Uh, and I mean, kissing them is really nice.” Atlanta blushes, then clears her throat. “Why do you ask?”

Jenny sets the hot try down and places a cloth on the side of it. “Ah, well, I went on a date with Seb a few weeks ago and the dates keep happening.” Jenny places her hand and her chin, as if thinking intently. “I would say we’re dating…but I don’t know if we need to be?” She lets out a pensive hmm. “After all, I love all my friends!”

Atlanta leans against the counter and hovers her hand over the cupcakes to start absorbing the heat so she and Jenny could decorate them quicker. Nodding, she asks, “Do your feelings for Seb feel any different than, say, for me? Because like, I also love my friends, but the way I love them is different from how I love Boon, and that’s different from the way I love my brother, and so on.”

Jenny places one hand on her chin in thought, a tube of icing in the other hand. “Yes…The feelings are different…But I feel different for everyone…and it feels like it goes back to being the same…” She turns her gaze on to Atlanta, really taking in the sight of the hero that helped her onto Big Team. A wealth of pride, joy, and gratitude filled Jenny’s chest, just like it did every time she thought of how important Atlanta was to her.

Then she thought of Seb. The hero that took her under his wing and helped her during her lowest points. A rush of feelings came with those thoughts; complicated at first but settling on the gracious joy that felt so similar to Atlanta’s.

In all her thinking, Jenny didn’t notice the icing slipping out of her hand. As it hit the floor, she snapped out of her thoughts. “Ah! Sorry!” She quickly picks the tube back up.

“You’re okay. What were you spacing out about?” Atlanta has deliberately slowed down her usual frosting pace so she doesn’t finish too quickly. “And what kind of decorations do we want to put on these?”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah! I was just thinking about feelings.” Jenny sighs. Why does it have to be so hard to understand yourself…Jenny quickly makes her way next to Atlanta and takes a look at the cupcakes. “Pumpkins!” She starts picking out what she thinks are the appropriate colors for such a design.

“I like spending time with Seb, holding hands, chatting…I’ve never kissed him the way you do with Boon. I’ve never kissed anyone like that! And I don’t think I’d want to! Seb says it’s okay but I still worry…”

Atlanta grins at Jenny’s enthusiasm. Whatever colors the pumpkins end up as are good with her. She nods. “Yeah, feelings are hard. And complicated. You can totally date someone and not kiss them. You don’t have to like kissing. That doesn’t need to be a part of it. You’re still pretty new to,” Atlanta pauses and waves a hand around in the air, gesturing at their surroundings, “everything, so you don’t have to figure it out just yet. I guess my next question is: do you want to keep dating Seb while you figure it out? Because if you want to, and he wants to, then I’d say keeping doing what you’re doing until you figure it out is totally okay. If he’s okay with it, of course. Like, have you talked to him about this at all?”

“Yes, a little bit.” Jenny sets down various shades of blue icing down on the counter. “I’m still thinking things over and talking to you about it seemed like the best idea…I’ve been told talking about what bothers me is a good thing. I used to think that dating involved friends that like each other a lot but also an adult thing I don't understand. So you’re really explaining a lot to me here.” Jenny starts to uncap the tubes of icing as she says “You and Boon are just happy incarnate so I figured you understand dating.”

Atlanta blushes, but can’t help but smile. “I’m glad you feel safe enough to talk to me about this. And that people can see we’re happy…” After a moment of absentmindedly frosting a sky blue pumpkin onto a cupcake and thinking about her joyfriend, she realizes she’s spaced out and clears her throat. “Um. Yeah. So. You’re getting really good at this,” she says, nodding at Jenny’s frosting job.

Jenny chimes back a “Thank you!” having chosen a more unconventional shape for a pumpkin, though the work itself was very clean. Jenny looks down as she continues to work and without looking up asks “So…it’s okay to be uncertain? Even when you know you won’t find your answer for a very long time?” With Jenny, ‘a very long time’ could mean just about anything.

“Yeah! So long as you’re honest with Seb about it. Uncertainty is part of life. It’s not a fun part, but sometimes you have to live with it, and learn to be okay with it. To be honest, a lot was uncertain when Boon asked me out. They were...dying, honestly. They didn’t know if they’d live to see the summer, but they took a chance, and we were honest with each other, and things turned out okay.” Atlanta squeezes Jenny’s shoulder. “And you know, if you decide that you don’t want to date anyone, that’s okay, too. Some people don’t. You don’t need to date in order to be happy.”

Jenny gives Atlanta a bright smile in response...and as she goes back to working on decorating, her face takes on a more serious tone. Those who know her know this is Jenny seriously thinking. She was thinking about how so many things came to her so clearly…and some things felt just out of reach. When she first came into being she felt so sure about who she was: a great power given the chance to experience life. However, life has proven to be complicated. And confusing. And disheartening, at times…

“Thank you for being there for me,” Jenny finally says, turning to face Atlanta and smile. “You know, when it matters.”

“Of course! I always do my best to be there for my friends. I’m always here for cupcakes and big life talks,” Atlanta grins, then looks pensive. “So, I might not be around as much soon, but I want you to know I am still here for you. Oh! And I wanted to let you know that Sweet Nothings is going to need some more part time help soon. I’m not exactly sure when, but I’d love it if you applied. I’ll give you a glowing recommendation.” Atlanta gestures at Jenny’s unorthodox but well-decorated cupcakes.

“Baking all day definitely sounds like fun! When I apply should I use the fabricated information Melody gave me? Oh, and that I’m in Big Team? I might need to leave on missions and stuff? How do you handle that?” Jenny was back to her inquisitive self.

Atlanta shakes her head. “You don’t need the fake information from Melody. Not with this job, at least. Just tell my mom the truth. She’ll find out anyway, she’s super smart. And needing to leave on missions and stuff is a thing she’ll consider when she’s deciding if she’ll hire you, but we’re going to hire a couple of people, so it shouldn’t be a huge issue. Just like, be yourself, and I’m sure she’ll see that you’ll be a great person to have around.”

“Be myself…” Jenny closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She wasn't sure who that really was these days. “Yeah, okay.”

Atlanta misses any angst in Jenny’s response, and nods happily. “Great! I hope we get to work together.” She slings an arm over Jenny’s shoulders and squeezes as she looks at their somewhat-pumpkin cupcakes. “I think we’d do pretty fantastic.”