A Christmas Carol

## Song Info

This song appears on:

An Evening (wasted) With Tom Lehrer, track 3

The Remains of Tom Lehrer (disc 1), track 15

The Remains of Tom Lehrer (disc 2), track 16

although it is perhaps a bit out of season at this time.

However, I’m informed by my disk jockey friends –

of whom I have none –

that in order to get a song popular by Christmas Time,

you have to start plugging it well in advance.

So here goes.

It has always seemed to me after all,

that Christmas with its spirit of giving,

offers us all a wonderful opportunity each year to reflect on what we all most sincerely and deeply believe in.

I refer of course, to money.

And yet none of the Christmas carols that you hear on the radio or in the street even attempt to capture the true spirit of Christmas as we celebrate it in the United States, that is to say the commercial spirit.

So I should like to offer the following Christmas carol for next year, as being perhaps a bit more appropriate

###### SUNG:

Christmas time is here, by golly

Disapproval would be folly

```
Lehrer mocks the groupthink involved in Christmas, where people who show any criticism of any aspect of the tradition (e.g. the consumerism, the religiosity, the terrible songs) are labelled *Scrooges*.

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Deck the halls with hunks of holly

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A reference to the traditional 19th century Christmas song *Deck the Halls*.

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Fill the cup and don't say when

```
Most likely a reference to alcohol. People might say to someone ‘I’ll tell you when’ in reference to stop the pouring of alcohol. This gem of a lyric does the exact opposite. It also reinforces the notion of Christmas as a time of over-indulgence.

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Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens

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This is in reference to what’s commonly eaten on Christmas, turkey, ducks, and chickens.

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Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens

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Refers to Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. Same name as the song, and with good reason. The commercial spirit of Christmas is often attributed to the mentality of this book.

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Even though the prospect sickens

Brother, here we go again

On Christmas Day you can't get sore

Your fellow man you must adore

There's time to rob him all the more

The other three hundred and sixty-four

```
Lehrer points out the irony in the Christmas focus on charity and brotherhood (on which subject he has another song), that is hypocritical if it’s not upheld throughout the year.

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Relations, sparing no expense, 'll

Send some useless old utensil

Or a matching pen and pencil

("Just the thing I need, how nice!")

```
Typical clever wordplay from Lehrer, taking the contraction of will, *’ll*, and separating it from the subject with an inserted clause to create a rhyme. Lehrer criticises the practice of exchanging gifts even when those gifts are cheap and useless – and the ceremony and false excitement around receiving said gifts

```

It doesn't matter how sincere it is

Nor how heart felt the spirit

Sentiment will not endear it

What's important is the price

Hark, the Herald Tribune sings

Advertising wondrous things

```
Lehrer riffs off the traditional carol *Hark! The Herald Angels Sing*. The *Herald Tribune* is a generic name for a newspaper, in this case probably a reference to the *New York Herald Tribune*. Sardonically, rather than angels announcing a god descending to Earth, we have a newspaper crammed with adverts to take advantage of consumer spirit.

```

God rest ye merry merchants

May ye make the Yuletide pay

```
A reference to traditional carol *God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen*, again subverting the religious message to instead wish sellers fortune in their Christmas sales.

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Angels we have heard on high

Tell us to go out and – buy!

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Yet another subverted carol reference, this time to *Angels We Have Heard On High*.

```

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"Angels we have heard on high Sweetly singing o'er the plains"

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So let the raucous sleighbells jingle

Hail our dear old friend Kriss Kringle

Driving his reindeer across the sky

```
Santa is known for riding a sleigh with bells and reindeer bringing toys to the good children of the world. Another name for Santa is also ‘Kriss Kringle’, at least in the United States. Coming from the German tradition of Christkindl.

```

Don't stand underneath when they fly by

## Trivia

After the song, he japes:

> "Actually I did rather well myself, this last Christmas. The nicest present I received was a gift certificate “Good at any hospital for a lobotomy” – rather thoughtful."
>
>