Phil Swift

**Philip Swift** is the official spokesperson of the glorious line of the Flex Tape**©** adhesive products. He also has gained much notoriety for his classic quotes such as "I sawed this boat in half!" or "Now that's a lot of damage!" Phil Swift got his damage quote, from when he battled Maurice's Great grandmother's, great great Grandfather over an expired bagel.

The swift-tastical Phil is approximated to be worth at least $780 Billion, according to the top financial investors, and some tin can from across the street. Clearly, the Flex Tape**©** family of products has done wonders for Swift. It's no wonder why Flex-Opolis, the City themed entirely after Flex-Products, was made! ‘People’ often wonder why Phil doesn't try to transform his wealth into a rich and powerful empire, with just how much he's worth. Swift has always claimed that his goal is to "bless the word with Flex Tape**©**, not to cause it a lot of damage." Swift is often reported to donate good chunks of his wealth to the 'Charity for Uncapable Poopers' charity in his spare time. Wow!

## Physical and Mental Attributes

The appearance of Phil is Human obviously. He has black hair and he's probably 50 years old. We are unable to get close enough to him to see his eye color so you can just pretend it's whatever color you want it to be.

It's known that Phil Swift was born at the center of the universe. When Unclueyus Shermandorodus was creating the universe. he decided that one of the best beings in all of eternity shall be born there. This is where he dropped Phil Swift's essence into the center, which after roughly 2,500 years time, eventually morphed into a human form. Historians believe that Swift wasn't the only being formed at the center of universe. I'm kidding, none of that was true lol. Because Phil Swift is so unbelievably epic, it causes his weight to clock up to nearly one ton, but his god-like status thankfully prevents any physical deterioration. That explains how he still appears to be of a relatively normal weight. As expected, Phil is blessed with superhuman strength. He could easily lift up an entire cruise ship so he could fix it with Flex Tape. Phil could of saved the Titanic if he really wanted to. There's a common misconception when it comes to Phil's revolutionary adverts. He is demonstrated using Flex Tape to seal and repair various broken or destroyed objects. It's often that people believe these to be simple natural accidents - in reality, all of this destruction was caused by Phil himself. He had used his fabric-of-reality bending psychological power to destroy things at will. This was so he could demonstrate just how great the Flex-family of products really is. Some say he demolished an entire planet, and repaired it just with the power of Flex Tape.

Another notable aspect of Mr. Swift is his genius intellect. The mind-power of him so massive, he surely outmatches even the most 'smart' of humans. Swift could probably comprehend 4-Dimensional and even 5-Dimensional beings. I mean, how exactly could he create something anywhere near as good as Flex Tape without the mastermind he has? The answer? You just can't. In fact, plenty of scientists have attempted to recreate Flex Tape. So, so, so many attempts were present, yet not one produced results that were even close to the official thing. It's a blessing such an item is simply out there in the open for anyone to buy. Why would you leave an ethereal otherworldly creation so easily accessible? Who knows really. Mr. Swift has the power to magically increase his size at will. In a new-advertisement, Phil is demonstrated at a gargantuan size to help out the people of Scouppoopawan. However, after the ad was filmed, Phil completely leveled the entire city with his bare hands.

## The Flex Tape**©** Family of Products

Phil Swift is mainly known as the spokesperson for his line of Flex Tape**©** products. Flex Tape**©** itself is obviously the most popular of all of these. Flex Seal**©**, Flex Tape Clear**©**, and even Flex Butt-Seal**©**. Phil Swift wanted to make more Flex products other than just the tape as far back as 2004, and he sketched out his plans in 2006. Sadly, a Flex Tape**©** Movie was once planned but it had never entered production. On November 6th, 2017, however, it was announced that a short film would enter production to see what a full Flex Tape**©** movie would be like. It was intended to release sometime in August 2019, but it was delayed until December 2019 to better line-up with the holidays. On November 30th, 2019, it was announced that the short film release would be December 25th, 2019. Needless to say, it was a massive success. Critics loved it and the film even earned $400 Million at the box office - let's all hope this leads to the production of an actual theatrical film one day.

One successful Flex Tape**©** product is Flex Seal**©**. Just like the tape, Flex Seal©'s atom binding molecular structure allows nearly any surface know to man to be filled with a Flex-Liquid, equivalent to the blood of an elder god. You won't have to worry at all as long as you've got Flex Seal**©** around. In fact, it seemed that the people's love of Flex Seal **©** went a little too far. People just couldn't resist the blissful aroma of the product, so they decided to digest it. So, what ever happened to the people that ate Flex Seal**©**? Nothing. Reportedly, consuming Flex Seal**©** had no major negative effects on the human body. "It was really good. One of the best things I've ever ate, I'd say." says one man. "That stuff is great. It tastes just like my son." says another interviewed man. This isn't surprising though. Flex Seal**©** is a fantastic creation, of course you'd be able to digest any Flex Tape**©** product with zero issues. It'd be a disaster if that wasn't the case, seriously. Little known fact! Flex Seal**©** was used to repair a deforested an entire rain-forest, and everything was back to normal. Sure, a company tore it down not even a full week later, but still. Unarguable proof how great Flex Seal**©** is! Just like anything Swift has ever even interacted with.

But we can't forget Flex Tape Clear**©**! How exactly do you create a gift from god in the form of a adhesive product? Well obviously, you just make it invisible! So obvious! Just like literally anything Swift has ever created, Flex Tape Clear**©** was another big hit, and a fantastic addition to the Flex Tape**©** Family**©** of Products**©**. I mean, it's genius! It's pretty much the same as Flex Tape**©**, but you just can't see it! Now all those embarrassing accidents your car got into are pretty much gone in a instant. It sure is **clear** why the product was sold out within 4 minutes of being available to the public. I really have pretty much nothing left to say, but no words will ever be able to clearly describe the pure unaltered bliss of the Flex**©** Tape**©** Family**©** of**©** Products**©**.

## Notes & Trivia

* When someone just says “Phil”, they may confuse Swift with Dr. Phil. This understandable of course, since both are sexy beasts.