Space for Rent

Ghost Spider (a spider who may be a ghost) moves into a room on Space Tree's ship. The Commander gets drunk on non-alcoholic beer and makes out with a lamp.

## Transcript

*(roll opening credits)*

*(cut to a shot of Space Tree's Ship, with a sign on it, saying "SPACE\* FOR RENT (\*by space, I mean room)")*

**SPACE TREE:** Boy, I sure do hope I find someone to rent this space to soon. Maybe then I can stop yelling exposition to an empty room.

*(Ghost Spider enters)*

**GHOST SPIDER:** Hello, sir. I'm here to inquire about the sign on your ship.

**SPACE TREE:** Yeah, it's a pretty good pun, isn't it? *(puts on sunglasses)* I've been getting compliments all day for it...

**GHOST SPIDER:** No, I mean, uh ... I need a place to stay, so I'd like to rent whatever space is available.

**SPACE TREE:** Oh, uh, right, yeah, well... *(a hand takes off his sunglasses)* You got the job, son!

**GHOST SPIDER:** You, uh... you mean the room?

**SPACE TREE:** I know what I said.

**GHOST SPIDER:** Cool, so... You mind if I clean up a little bit later? There seems to be an awful lot of dirt and twigs, and.... sap on the floor. Ugh.

*(cut to Space Tree with a "Hot Young Saplings" magazine; he tosses it away along with half his branch, causing glass to break)*

**SPACE TREE:** Oh, uh, right, yeah. But it's gonna cost you!

*(Cut to viewscreen, which activates with an AOL chat room sound; the Commander appears, with a chat room device on the top (\*See Trivia))*

**COMMANDER:** Come in, Space Tree! There's trouble at the old farm! ...in uh... in space. The... Space Farm. Whatever.

*(Space Tree walks offscreen, then appears from the bottom, a la episode 1)*

**SPACE TREE:** Did you just say there's trouble at the old space farm?!?

**GHOST SPIDER:** Yeah, he did. Just then, he said it.

**SPACE TREE:** Yeah, I know. I heard him.

**GHOST SPIDER:** Well, it's just that-

**SPACE TREE:** I know. *(pause)* And this looks like a job for Space-

**GHOST SPIDER:** -looks like a job for Ghost Spider! GS, AWAY! *(He leaps out a window)*

**SPACE TREE:** Son of a- What, is he gonna float there? *(Walks over to controls)* I've got a friggin' spaceship, I'm faster than he is.

*(Cut to the viewscreen)*

**COMMANDER:** What up, S to the Tree, Space. This, this big white crab or something just came in and he saved the whole farm in space, and then to top it all off, here's what he did, man. He gave us some beer. *(holds up a 6-pack of "B")* Uh, by us, I mean me... Cuz I'm the only one here so I'm drinkin' the whole 6-pack! You don't have anything, do ya? You can go back to jerkin' off, or whatever you doin', you tree! Cuz I'm totally drunk over here, and that's why I'm the cool one...

*(Ghost Spider enters; the Commander continues to drunkenly rant in the background)*

**GHOST SPIDER:** Boy, they got a great gift shop down at that Space Farm.

**SPACE TREE:** I can't believe you did that, it was so irresponsible of you.

*(3 Question marks appear over GS' head)*

**GHOST SPIDER:** what?

**SPACE TREE:** Giving beer to an underage kid. *(We see the Commander with a lampshade on his head, jumping up & down with an "I'm Totally Drunk" t-shirt on)* Why, I'm so outraged right now, I could perform a citizen's arrest on you!

**GHOST SPIDER:** Relax, it's non-alcoholic beer; nothings gonna happen.

*(Cut to Commander, with lampshade, with a lamp)*

**COMMANDER:** Hey, baby! We... We got the same hat! Yeah! We have so much in common...

*(The screen buzzes out)*

**SPACE TREE:** Oh, well... *(points to puddle on the ground)* Oh, look, you're gettin' water all over the floor. Way to go, jack-ASS!

**GHOST SPIDER:** Oh, I'm sorry about that. I was just cleaning the outside of the ship before I came in. My hot girlfriend's coming over later, so... I don't want her to think I'm living in a "sty".

**SPACE TREE:** *(His arms fall off, then re-attach)* A-a sty? Well... well, guess what, uh... You've got a tail light out.

**GHOST SPIDER:** What?

**SPACE TREE:** Right behind you. You got a tail light out.

**GHOST SPIDER:** What tail light?

**SPACE TREE:** Look, it's right there! *(His branch shoots off, breaking glass)*

**GHOST SPIDER:** What the hell are you talking about-

**SPACE TREE:** It's right behind you, take a look! *(The branch comes back in with a cash register noise)*

*(GS turns around)*

**GHOST SPIDER:** Wha- I don't see a-

*(Space Tree kicks Ghost Spider, causing Ghost Spider to go wild-eyed)*

**SPACE TREE:** Now take THAT!

**GHOST SPIDER:** ... Did you just... kick me?

**SPACE TREE:** *(Standing upright again)* No.

**GHOST SPIDER:** Well, that's good, cuz if you did, you might have damaged this hat I bought for you.

*(Holds out a hat that says "I <3 the Space Farm" on it)*

**SPACE TREE:** ... *(Tosses the hat away, into some glass)* \*\*\*\* YOU.

*(Cut to the viewscreen again; the Commander is in jail; the chat room feature is off)*

**COMMANDER:** Come in, Ghost Spider. And, uh, the other guy. *(we see Ghost Spider (with the hat on) and Space Tree staring)* I 've been put in trouble for underage drinking, and even the passenger got in trouble. I need one of you guys to come down and bail me out.

*(Cut to a doodle of Ghost Spider, with his lines appearing in a dialogue bubble, a la the old fashioned GS cartoon)*

**GHOST SPIDER:** This looks like a job for Gho-

**SPACE TREE:** It's a job for Space Tree. You wait here, and I'll go get him. *(He walks out)*

**GHOST SPIDER:** *(to Commander)* Hey, hold up a second. How come you got arrested for underage drinking? I mean, it was fake beer, so what the hell?

**COMMANDER:** Yeah, it wasn't true. That Space Tree's a real sucker. *(he takes down the (fake) prison bars)* I mean, these aren't even real bars. This isn't even my real hair. *(takes off his hair)* The truth is, I killed the real guy, and I'm an evil cyborg sent from the future!

*(He pulls off his face to reveal an evil robotic face)*

**PSYCOM:** NOW BOW DOWN AND PREPARE FOR SOME GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED CYBORG LOVIN'.

*(The lamp enters)*

**LAMP:** but I thought you said that *I* was the only one for you!

**PSYCOM:** **THREESOME!!**

*(roll end credits)*

## Fun Facts

* This episode shows the first appearances of Ghost Spider, Lamp and Psycom.

* This is the first episode requiring the viewer to push "PLAY" before starting. The preceding episodes started immediately after loading.
* Despite Space Tree's ship having only 1 large window, the characters actions break glass 4 times.
* When Commander is first talking to Space Tree, it is yet another reference to the Trouble at the Command Center-gag, which first appeared in Space Trouble.
* The line "Even the passenger got in trouble" is a reference to the educational webcomic Law for Kids.
* Apparently Matt Kloosterman (the creator of Ghost Spider) was originally going to provide the voice of Ghost Spider in this episode. In a forum post on wheresmyshoe.com he says: "I tried a couple times, but my voice acting sucks. This is probably for the best." The post also mentions that it was Matt's idea for Space Tree to be holding the 'Hot Young Saplings' magazine.

The chat room things featured at the viewscreen when the Commander talks are as follows:

**Message 1:**

*cmd69 has entered the room*

cmd69: come in space tere

cmd69: \*tree

cmd69: there's trouble at the old mill

cmd69: j/k its a farm

cmd69: space farm i mean

**Message 2:**

*cmd69 has entered the room*

cmd69: sup Spaace tea

cmd69: heloo

cmd69: hello

cmd69: gS spider saved the mmotehers=

sucking day

cmd69: bitCH!

cmd69: spacegarm = saved@!

cmd69: you didnt do JACK and i did te

cmd69: and i have the beer abndni drunk

cmd69: arent i funny

cmd69: djfhahahadhsl lol

cmd69: stfu

cmd69: >

cmd69: :-$

cmd69: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *(repeated 11 times)*

*(after this, the chat line is black, but the word "what" is at the end of it)*

**Message 3:**

*(the chat line is black throughout the conversation)*