News Ticker

The **News Ticker** runs across the bottom of the screen at Television News channel (Channel 2). It is very fast and can be read only in slowed-down video, so it may be considered an Easter egg.

The ticker loops in around 20 seconds. It is updated every day.

## News

### Local events

* According to a recent census everyone living in the nearby area has a ridiculous name.
* Animal crime up (19XX)% since appearance of mysterious Sasquatch creature spotted in (AREA) area.
* Discount (FOOD) available via television may jeopardize profits for local businesses.
* Elevator repairman puzzled at unprecedented level of wire chewing in all local elevators.
* Famous (JOB) to visit (AREA) eventually.
* Local (JOB) (NAME) defeats arch nemesis (NAME) in sports championship.
* Local (FOOD) enthusiast (NAME) announces retirement. Will reportedly become a (JOB) (CIRCUMSTANCE).
* Local airport project may move ahead, or it may not. Officials aren’t sure whether or not it makes sense at this time.
* Pasta craze expected to last for several more years, believes local entrepreneur.
* Police on the lookout for elusive pancake thief, who may be hiding out in the (AREA) area.
* R-Corp inks new deal to facilitate future ongoings.
* Rash of stolen campground items still remains a mystery. Eye-witnesses report a raccoon was involved.
* Surfing contest to be held on island. That is all.
* The sinking of the S. S. Pemberton remains a mystery, although a new study from (NAME) may shed new light on the subject.
* Twin ferry captains sign pact not to bankrupt local electronics store via lifetime computer warranty abuse.

### Driving instructor

* Driving instructor: the new best job in town?
* Local driving instructor shocked to learn that a mysterious beast may live in the forests near his home.
* Local driving instructor wins big at prestigious dance competition in the neighboring valley.

### Ducks

* Ducks driving on our highways is more likely than you think, says recent survey.
* Duck hardliners restrict access to cool exclusive clubhouse located on small island. Reporters are on scene.
* Local duck leader signs new treaty agreeing to cooperate with local authorities to reduce rampant slouchy behaviour.
* Local duck population “out of control” according to a recent survey of local campers.
* Renegade ducks threaten boycott all (MEDIA) releases due to perceived slight by producers.
* Roving gangs of ducks threatening picnic lunches are on the rise, say officials.

### Incidents

* (NAME) embroiled in (FOOD) scandal once again.
* Pizza freighter (SHIP NAME) grounded off the coast, threatening appetites worldwide.
* Territorial disputes threaten (NAME)’s vacation home.

### Art

* (19XX) (MEDIA) (TITLE) actor (NAME) reported to be extremely happy in new job as (JOB).
* (NAME) begins developing new (MEDIA) about a (JOB) who never builds an airport. Ever.
* (NAME) to star in new (MEDIA) entitled (TITLE).
* (TITLE), a movie about a (JOB) (CIRCUMSTANCE) begins filming today in The City.

### Science

* (FOOD) may be a new super food, according to a recent survey by acclaimed scientist (NAME).
* Researcher (NAME) expected to receive award due to study that confirms (COLOR) foods may have increased levels of Vitamin-C.
* Taxes on (FOOD) surge after local scientist (NAME) discovers valuable properties.
* Vitamin-C levels in (FOOD) may be higher than previously thought, according to research.

### Economy

* (FOOD) exports down after catastrophic (TOOL) incident.
* (FOOD) futures skyrocket on the news of (NAME)’s disappearance.
* (FOOD) trade embargo to go ahead as planned.
* (TOOL) manufacturer under fire due to allegations of mismanagement and corruption.
* International markets are down due to reports of a (VEHICLE) supply shortage.
* International markets are up thanks to an overwhelming (FOOD) surplus this year.
* Strategic (FOOD) reserve levels depleted on news of international problems.

### News channel

* I wonder if anyone will notice I put a non-news ticker item in here.
* News ticker scroll speed out of control, news anchor unable to contain the sheer amount of news being delivered to you right now.
* Viewers urged not to read too far into news ticker headlines.

## The placeholders syntax

* (19XX) are years in 20th century, like 1971. Also used for percentages.
* (AREA) is an area in the game like Town or Ski Resort.
* (CIRCUMSTANCE) can be quite elaborate, like “who lives down the river” or “with aquamarine hair”, “who decides to build an airport”.
* (COLOR) are colors like “Aquamarine”, “Light Red”, or “Dark Grey”.
* (FOOD) may be any food or fish, as well as Dog Poop and Bagged Dog Poop.
* (JOB) may be a human profession like actor, ballerina or astronaut, but also animal species, like raccoon, duck, “mischievous fox”, or even an alligator.
* (MEDIA) is a type of art, like “book”, “movie” or “broadway play”.
* (NAME) are randomly generated names like those of R Corp employees, but often more elaborate, like “Captain Bebby McJimrick PhD”.
* (SHIP NAME) are names of ships like those in the port, like “MV Jumbo Reggie”.
* (TITLE) are names of works of art. Some imprecise examples “The Haunted Flashlight”, “The Ghost Wore Camper Disguise”, “The Rise of Bobandy Jr.” “The Director from Stars”, “The Officer of My Heart”.
* (TOOL) is one of Sasquatch tools, like Binoculars or Sprinting Shoes.
* (VEHICLE) is one of the vehicles like Sports Car or Boatercycle.