Hiraeth

A Welsh word with no specific English translation, though it is described as "a homesickness tinged with grief and sadness over the lost or departed"

A story, in which, a man must revisit his younger self and combat his complicated feelings over his past.

This story is apart of the world of Alexander, and while the events do not happen in canon, it's not really considered an AU as much as it is an exploration of a certain characters feelings towards the way he's changed -- whether for better or worse.

(This is also not my best writing ever.. I'll probably rewrite it at some point!)

Content Warning

This page describes or alludes to topics that may be uncomfortable or upsetting to readers. Please avoid this page if you are sensitive to blood, gore, su!c!de, death, mental health issues, just lots of angst tbh.

This story is fairly dark, please be careful

--

Alexander wasn’t sure where he was.

Strange.

Leaves fell from trees, brushing against his dark hair. There was a distinct chattering of woodland creatures all around him. Somehow, this seemed familiar. Had he been here before?

Alexander took a couple steps forward. The air was cold, and clouds formed in the dark sky. It would rain soon. The scarred man began to walk through the forest, his brain a weird jumble of deja vu. He could have sworn he had seen this place before.

In the distance, Alexander saw a dark wisp of smoke, rising above the trees. It was hard to see among the already dark clouds, but the soft glow of fire was unmistakable. Are the trees on fire? Alexander wondered, but no, they couldn’t be. That thin stream of smoke could come only from a campfire.

That meant there were people.

Alexander began a steady pace through the thick woodland. Dark trees stretched high above his head, and thorny bushes pricked at his clothes. Rain began to pelt against the ground, starting off light but slowly growing heavier. Alexander picked up speed. If he wanted to get to the people before the rain extinguished the fire, he would have to hurry.

Puddles began to form in the dirt, and Alexander was drenched. Water dripped down his face and his clothes stuck to his body. Though it was a bit annoying, it didn’t affect him much. A little bit of rain wouldn’t get in his way.

The smoke got closer and closer, though the light of the fire was beginning to dim.

Alexander was out of breath by the time he got to where he believed the fire had been. Fortunately, he had correctly guessed where the smoke was coming from. A chatter of voices filled the forest, some happy and some the opposite.

Alexander kept behind a tree, poking his head out to observe the people.

A blue haired woman stood in the center. Her hair was intertwined with rainbow colors, a bright surprise against her pale face. A man stood next to her, slightly hunched over as if he was injured. His skin was a warm shade of brown, and his hair was a darker shade of brown. At least forty other people, ranging from 19 to 8, sat around the two. Alexander couldn’t get a closer look at their faces, but he didn’t need to.

He knew he had been here before.

A young boy sat in a crowd. His black hair curled into little circles, something he would lose with age. His face was upturned into a smile, even with the state of the people around him. Rain pelted many of the people, while some took shelter under the trees.

There was a recurring theme among the people. They were all battered and bruised, and almost all of them looked wounded in one way or another. Scars were a common sight, though the man next to the strangely healthy looking blue-and-rainbow haired woman seemed to have it the worst. He looked to be still horribly bleeding. He should have easily been dead, or at least unconscious. But Alexander knew the man well, and he knew that no wound could kill him, no matter how much pain he was in.

He watched the little boy, sitting close to a brunette boy, just a couple years older. He watched the woman speaking with inspired eyes. He wanted to be just like her. Kind. Brave. Loving. She had everything anybody could ask for, right?

Wrong.

He felt something bitter twist inside him. A long, unresolved hatred. He was so wrapped up in his mind that he didn’t notice one of the people staring at him. A young girl with ginger hair. She stood up quickly, rushing to the side of the wounded man. She stood on her tip-toes, whispering something in his ear. The man’s eyes grew wide, looking towards Alexander. Alexander hissed under his breath, moving his head back out of view.

He assumed that this wouldn’t end well. He couldn’t see what was happening, but he assumed the injured man had told the blue-and-rainbow haired woman about it. Seconds later, he heard a shout from the clearing.

“Hey, you! Show yourself!” The woman called. Leave it to her to make a scene. Alexander thought bitterly. Alexander carefully stepped out from behind the tree, putting his hands up to show that he was not a threat.

The woman looked him over, a complicated mix of emotions in her eyes. After a few seconds, anger came out the strongest. She stormed over to him, looking straight into his gloomy eyes. Alexander took a step back, glaring in response.

“You need to leave. Now. We don’t tolerate strangers.” The woman hissed. The injured man hobbled over to the woman, grabbing her shoulder. A look of surprise flashed on her face, and the woman whipped around to stare at him.

“Wisp, please calm down. I don’t think he meant any harm.” The man smiled. Wisp frowned, giving Alexander a side eye.

“You don’t know that. He could be dangerous.” Wisp snarled, almost like a dog. The man gave Wisp a sour look. He looked over at Alexander, a small smile on his face. It was more of a half-smile, however, as his wounded face was incapable of making the proper gesture.

“Look at him, Wisp. He’s soaked. He likely just saw our fire and was looking for warmth. Just let him stay, at least until this rain stops.” The man asked. Wisp scrunched up her face, looking like she was trying really hard to stop herself from yelling.

“Fine. Just keep him away from me. You’re in charge of him Max. If anything happens, it’s your fault.” She glared at the man, Max. Max grinned.

“Of course. Go sit down.” He hummed, patting Wisp on the shoulder. She clenched her hands into fists, looking frustrated at Max. She retreated away from Alexander, going to sit under a tree to dry off. Max held out his hand to Alexander, and it naturally trembled slightly. Alexander took his hand, shaking it. Max had always been rather mature, despite both him and Wisp only being 19 at the time. He still saw him as a responsible man, even now, when he was in his 60’s.

“Sorry for the, er, warm welcome.” Max tilted his head. Alexander gave him a small, respectful nod.

“It’s fine.” Alexander raised his eyebrows. Wisp had always been, well, an interesting person. He couldn’t say he missed her. Not that she ever left.

“Come, why don’t we go find somewhere for you to sit?”  Max smiled, putting an arm around Alexander. Alexander jumped slightly, not prepared for the sudden contact.

“Sure.” Alexander mumbled, looking around their little makeshift camp. It was so strange being back here. He found it hard to admit how anxious he was. Bad memories swarmed in his brain like bees. Just seeing the group members felt like a kick to the stomach. Especially Wisp.. and well, that boy.

Max led him over to a small patch of group members, all huddled together under a large tree. Some ruthlessly shivered, pressed each other for what little heat they provided. Alexander was fairly sure he heard somebody crying.

What really sent shivers down his spine, however, was that the little curly haired boy was sitting near the front.

And Alexander just knew Max was going to introduce him.

The two sat down together. Max’s eyes widened in surprise after a moment.

“Oh! I’m sorry, I never got your name.” Max smiled, tilting his head curiously. Alexander just sighed. He couldn’t believe he was in this situation again. He thought he might actually be sick.

“Alexander. I’m Alexander.” He smothered a scowl. He knew Max was just trying to be polite, but Alexander’s situation made him uncomfortable. When he was uncomfortable, he was usually rude. Max chuckled nervously, still managing a half-smile.

“Alexander, yeah? Nice to meet you.” He nodded. “Guess we have two Alexanders now. You two even kind of look alike!” Max laughed. He waved to the little black-haired boy, the one who had been watching Wisp. He looked up, surprise on his face. On wobbly legs, the boy made it over to Max. He sat by his side, leaning against him.

“Hello.” Alexander mumbled. The little boy smiled softly, eyes warm but dull.

“Hi.” He giggled. Max put an arm around the boy, messing up his hair with a smile.

“Alexander, this is Alex.” Max nodded, gesturing to the little boy. Alex blinked, his expression that of a startled one. He eyed Alexander up and down, and then giggled.

“You even look like me!” He beamed. Max gave him a pat on the head, winking at Alexander. Alexander looked away from Alex. He never thought he’d be here again. This was an era that he thought was over, gone. Who’s doing was this?

“I guess I can kind of see it.” Alexander grumbled, his face squished up in discomfort.

“Where are you from, Alexander?” Alex asked curiously. Max shot him a nervous look. Alex didn’t seem to notice. Alexander raised an eyebrow at Max, mostly just to make him even more nervous.

“Mississippi. I’ve lived here all my life.” Alexander responded simply. Alex frowned slightly, in a way that any child would. Max sighed.

“But where in Mississippi? You have to be more specific than that.” Alex demanded. Alexander looked at the young boy, making an annoyed face at him. He just giggled. Max shook his head.

“Alex, no. He doesn’t have to tell us anything if he doesn’t want to.” Max scolded. Alex crossed his arms, his expression salty.

“Your friend.. Why was she mad?” Alexander asked. Max made a face, rubbing the back of his neck. Of course, Alexander knew why she was mad. But he was curious what Max would say.

“She just does that. She’s not a fan of strangers. I get it, but she could stand to be a little nicer.” Max huffed. Alexander chuckled. She really wasn’t a fan of strangers. He knew the feeling.

“I think it’s just because she’s bossy and doesn’t like that Max took charge.”  Alex grinned. Max gave the young boy a startled look, laughing nervously.

“..That too.” Alexander resisted a smile. Children said whatever came to their mind. They said the things nobody else dared.

Suddenly, a young woman skipped over to them. She was pretty by society standards, with curly hair and bright eyes. She looked at Alexander with curiosity, like a new treasure for her collection.

“Hi there!” She giggled. Max’s eyes widened.

“Oh! Alexander, this is Andrea. She’s the closest thing we have to a doctor around here.” Max smiled. He nodded to Andrea, who put her hands on her hips.

“I don't have a degree or anything, but I’d say I’m a pretty good doctor.” Andrea smiled. On the outside, she was an enthusiastic soul, but her eyes shot daggers towards him. They warned him not to lay a hand on anybody in the group. They warned him of the consequences. Alexander, of course, would oblige. He wasn’t sure what was happening and didn’t want to test the results of changing time. That was, if he was really in the past.

“That you are. This is Alexander, he arrived at camp today. Wisp threw a fit, but what’s new?” Max rolled his eyes with a smile. Andrea giggled, nodding to Alexander.

“Pleasure to meet you. I'm not surprised about Wisp.” She clicked her tongue, her eyes immediately flicking to Alex. Her face lit up, rushing over to pat him on the head.

“How’s my favorite little trooper?” Andrea beamed, leaning down to talk to Alex at his level. Alex immediately hugged her. By doing this, he opened himself up to the rain which pelted down. He made a little squeal of discomfort at his soggy clothes. Andrea cackled evilly, running off into the rain. Alex grinned and chased after her, getting completely soaked.

“Children..” Max shook his head in mock disappointment. Alexander just stared at him. He remembered him saying that. It felt sickening. That kind of deja vu that makes your stomach turn. Like watching a movie, but it’s getting to the scary part.

“Yeah..” Alexander mumbled. Alex chased Andrea around the damp grass, slipping and landing flat on his face. Andrea broke into laughter, on the verge of tears from how funny it was. Alex poked his head up, unable to resist giggling as well.

“Are you.. alright?” Alexander asked. The question was mostly just to fill empty space. He, of course, already knew the answer. Max could not be killed, no matter how much he was wounded. He could die, sure, but he could not be killed.

Blood stained Max’s clothes. There was a look of surprise on his face, almost as if he had forgotten. Alexander was used to it. He could not pretend that this shocked him like an actual stranger would be. Andrea was a good healer, but she couldn’t fix everything.

“Oh! Yes, yes.” Max’s eyes darted around. He was clearly attempting to think of a reason. An excuse. Telling a stranger that he had that ability - well, it wouldn’t be good. “It’s, uh, just stained. From another time.” He chuckled. Alexander raised his eyebrows.

“Do you often get hurt?” Alexander asked. He knew he must sound strange, but he couldn’t find the energy to pretend to be worried. The whole scenario felt odd. Too.. calm. Like a mine waiting to be stepped on.

“Well, I try not to, yeah?” Max joked. Alexander just nodded. No reason to laugh. It wasn’t all that funny. He chose not to comment on the fact that he was still bleeding. The rain that managed to hit him ran red.

Andrea looked behind her as she ran across the damp grass. She watched the young boy chase after her, giggling. Both of them were running as fast as they could without sleeping, which wasn’t very fast. At the same time, Wisp exited from her little bush. Andrea crashed face first into her, slipping backwards on her feet and hitting the ground.

Alex laughed wildly, laying down next to her. Andrea playfully glared at him, before looking up at Wisp. The blue-and-rainbow-haired woman gave her an irritated look.

“Seriously, Andrea? Are you insane? The grass is too damp and muddy to be running around right now. You’re going to hurt yourself, and you’re our only healer.” Wisp sighed. She took a long breath, before speaking again. “You and Alex are going to catch a cold. You’re both soaked. Go sit down with Max and Newbie.” She scolded.

Alexander felt a jump of surprise at being called out. His head was a strange blur of deja vu that made his stomach turn. He remembered hearing all this from long ago. He remembered getting scolded for sliding on the grass. What is going on? He thought.

“We were just having fun.” Andrea huffed.

“I don’t care. Back to the trees.” Wisp demanded. Andrea scowled.

“Only if you come with us.” She stuck her tongue out like an angry child. Wisp took a deep breath, trying not to blow up in her face. Alex gave Andrea a surprised look. Her plan was either going to work, or Wisp was going to be very angry.

“..Fine.” Wisp exhaled. Andrea’s face lit up. Alex’s eyes seemed to glow.

“Yay!” Alex cheered, attempting to stand up on the grass. However, he moved too fast and ended up slipping again. He landed on his face this time. Andrea giggled feverishly.

Wisp had a little smile, which she tried to hide but failed. She walked over to Alex, offering him her hand to get up. With bright eyes, he grabbed on and stood up. Andrea followed behind them, and they headed for the cover.

Alexander’s unease grew as the seconds passed. He knew what was coming. He knew the events that would follow, in just minutes. Worst of all, he couldn’t avoid them. Even if he tried, who would believe him?

There was a rustle in the forest.

“What was that?” Alex asked, tilting his head. Wisp eyed the forest, then shrugged.

“Just a squirrel, I think. Come on.” She replied simply. Alex turned away from the forest, following her back to the trees. It wasn’t completely dry, of course, as rain still slipped through the leaves. Alexander couldn’t really tell though, as he was already cold and soaked.

Wisp sat down in the grass, Andrea by her side. Alex leaned against Wisp, and she gently put an arm around the young boy. Max scooted to the other three, smiling at the group all together. Not only did Alexander feel out of place, he felt uncomfortable. Panic filled his chest, making his throat tight and making him feel very warm. Any moment disaster would strike.

“Are you sure that’s a squirrel?” Alex chirped. Wisp gave him a doubtful look.

“Fairly. Why do you ask?” Wisp looked nervously into the trees.

“Because it sounds lik-” Alex didn’t get to finish his sentence. A gunshot sounded through the air, tensing the figures in the clearing. There was a moment of silence, as everybody registered what just happened.

And then everything exploded.

People sprinted in different directions, footsteps cracking sticks and dry leaves. The rigorous fire of bullets ran in everybody’s ears. Screams filled the air. Wisp jumped to her feet, her eyes wild and her body tense, grabbing Alex’s hand and taking off.

Max and Andrea followed after her, Andrea gesturing for him to follow after them. Alexander’s heart slammed against his chest, panic swelling in his throat. A horrible terror cascaded over him, forcing him into motion.

He managed to catch up with the rest of them, Wisp huffing violently. Alex’s little eyes were terrified, and his hand was pale from clutching Wisp’s. Max moved with certainty. He was ready to protect every member, no matter how much it would hurt him. Andrea forced her eyes forward. She could not look at her people around her.

Bullets whirled just past them, brushing their skin. Wisp shoved people aside every now and then, telling them to keep moving. But it could not disguise the destruction around them. Fire blazed against the treetops. The bullets ripped through people. Most got up, but not everybody.

The group dashed through the trees, unable to stop. Alexander couldn’t keep up quite as well as he used to, but he did his best.

A bullet slammed into Wisp’s shoulder, throwing off her balance and sending her towards the ground. The moment it touched her, her blue-and-rainbow hair and clear skin seemed to dissolve, leaving her with brunette hair and a scarred face. Alex managed not to go down with her. Andrea immediately stopped, leaning down next to her. Her eyes were panicked, pressing her hands against the bloodied wound. The crimson liquid stained through her shirt and dripped against the dirt. Wisp looked mildly frustrated.

“Keep going. We’ll catch up.” Wisp hissed through clenched teeth. Max took Alex’s hand, nodding to Wisp and taking off again. Alexander looked for a moment to Wisp and Andrea, a deep sadness in his gut. One of them would not be catching up.

He went after Max and Alex.

Bullets began to pelt like rain as their attackers chased after them. Alexander found that life was much more terrifying when you went through it twice. You know what’s going to happen. Some might find that a relief. But Alexander knew what would happen, and he wasn’t sure he was prepared to face it again.

He thought he had turned this leaf over.

Trees swayed as bullets hit them. Alexander knew that if they stopped moving, they’d be hit.

Unfortunately, it was just a matter of time.

A bullet tore through Max’s leg, causing him to stumble. The younger man had dealt with this before, and didn’t stop running. Alexander knew it must hurt. Alex knew too, his eyes round with worry. Max did not look in his direction. He just clenched the boy’s hand tighter, and ran.

They seemed to regroup with the rest of the people, though guns still fired. A tall, black-haired man ran up to them, making sure never to slow down.

“We’re going to throw them off. Half of us will head right, half left. Get as far away as you can. We’ll regroup at the largest oak.” The man said sternly. Even if one of them hadn’t heard him, the man wasn’t going to repeat it. He turned on his heels and ran in the opposite direction.

The forest suddenly became packed, the right side of the group splitting off. They tried to stay bundled together to avoid being shot, but Alexander could hardly run and it sent a swarm of fear in his gut. He made sure never to lose sight of Max and Alex.

Nobody knew quite where they were going, but eventually the bullets stopped. Alexander wasn’t sure when, as all he could hear was his own heart. The group seemed to stop, everybody looking around to confirm they still had their friends. People hugged in relief.

Alexander wheezed, slumping against a tree. His whole scenario was coming down, and he could not stay calm. The worst was yet to come. He wasn’t sure he could face it again, no, not with sweet little Alex looking at him. Not in his prison uniform. Not in front of Max, who had never meant to do any wrong.

Max wandered over to him, his expression sharp with concern. Alexander almost laughed. Of course. Of course Max was concerned while he had a bullet in his leg. God forbid he be worried about himself.

“Are you alright?” He asked politely. Alexander forced himself not to glare at him.

“Fine. Just out of breath.” He huffed. He forced his hands still. Max looked him over, and then nodded wordlessly. Alexander watched him approach Alex, whose face was pale with terror.

“Hey buddy, you alright?” Max questioned. Alex nodded, determined to be brave but clearly frightened. He looked like he was trying to force color into his face.

“Fine! Um.. Where’s Andrea and Wisp?” He asked, looking around the clearing. Alexander’s head swarmed with memories. Memories of a hope that they would appear from the darkness. Nowadays, Alexander hoped that they wouldn’t.

“They’re probably with the other crowd. Come on, let’s see if we can find them.” Max smiled, taking the hand of the young boy. He hobbled towards the trees, trying to pretend he wasn’t wounded. Max never liked the spotlight.

Alexander rested his head back. He should go follow them, he knew he should. But something inside him rooted him to the tree. Maybe he just wasn’t prepared to face the reality of his past. Of Alex. Of the situation.

But reality wasn’t going to stop him. He ripped himself from the tree, storming after the two people. The other escapees didn’t give him a second glance.

In this part of the woods, the trees were darkly tangled together. Light was scarcely visible, and the wisps that made it through tangled against the dark colors of Alex and Max.

Light didn’t seem to do the same for Alexander. Perhaps it knew he wasn’t supposed to be here. Or maybe it just knew that he wasn’t deserving of the light. There was a reason monsters hid under beds. People like him could not bask in it.

Noises could be heard in the trees. The chattering of birds, unaware of what had just happened. History books will always write down the worst that happened, even when many were unaffected by it. The wildlife was a little like that.

Voices murmured as the three of them walked. It seemed like they were getting close, and Alexander knew they were, but he humored it anyway. Max gave him a nod as he caught up to him. Alex attempted unsuccessfully to give him a weak smile.

“Is the other half ahead?” Alexander asked, despite knowing the answer. Max put a finger to his lips, gesturing for him to be quiet. Alexander bit back a sigh, going quiet. Alex nodded in response to his question.

The three of them parted the trees, staring at the remains of the other groups. They were tired and wounded, significantly more than the other side. They seemed to be the more pressured group.

“Where’s Wisp and Andrea?” Alex chirped, his little eyes scanning his surroundings. Max put a hand on his head. Whether this was to comfort the boy, or just to maintain balance on one leg, Alexander would never know. His expression was sharp with worry. He looked anxiously for his friend among the crowd.

The man who had split the group into two suddenly appeared, his dark eyes staring curiously. He always seemed rather calm. Alexander had always known him to be like that.

“Hello. Are you guys looking for Wisp?” He asked. Alexander had to resist from shutting his eyes tight. A sharp wave of memory seemed to pound against his head constantly. Especially since they were nearing it.

“Yes! Is she here?” Max asked hopefully. The man smiled with a nod.

“Yes. I’ll lead you to her.” He hummed, stepping aside.

“Thank you, Ein!” Alex chirped, smiling fondly at the older boy. Ein gave him a small smile. He had always been kind of like the “leader soldier”. He was younger than Max, Wisp, and Andrea, as he was 18, but tended to be the most cool and collected in dire situations.

Ein led the way through the nervous chatter of wounded members. Slumped up against a tree, sat Wisp. Andrea was not with her. She hadn’t seemed to manage to get herself together enough to recreate the illusion that had made up her colorful appearance, so she stayed brunette. Her hair was wild and tangled. Her eyes flickered around anxiously. Her clothes were stained from her bullet wound. She seemed to be breathing rather quickly and unnaturally, her body quivered. Alexander could hardly look at her. His brain buzzed with painful memories.

Ein eyed her nervously, concern bright in his dark eyes. Alex rushed forward, wrapping his arms tightly around her. Wisp seemed surprised, carefully hugging Alex back. Max frowned deeply, looking very worried.

“Wisp.. Is everything alright?” Max asked softly. Wisp’s eyes darted to Max, still clinging tightly to Alex. She took a deep breath.

“Yes. I’m fine.” Her voice quivered slightly, but she paid no mind to it. She looked back to Ein, face bitter. Ein looked surprised at her sudden hostility.

“You. How many were killed?” She asked, huffing slightly. It seemed, in the tangle of escape, that her wound had been reopened. Blood dripped from her shoulder. Her eyes were pale and foggy with sheer pain.

“Four.” Ein responded solemnly. He kept professional and calm. His concerned and surprised expression was gone. Alexander closed his eyes, suddenly feeling very, very sick. It was like staring at a ghost.

“Who?” Wisp demanded, gently sliding Alex off. Alex scowled slightly, looking a little bit hurt. Wisp stood up unsteadily. Max clenched his teeth, as if trying to tell her to be careful but not wanting to seem rude.

“Benny, Emma, Valentine..” Ein trailed off. Horrified sounds came from the group members, especially those who had known them. The names were familiar to Alexander, but he didn’t remember any of them clearly. To be honest, all of his memories from this time were a little foggy. Tears bubbled in Alex’s eyes, latching tightly onto Max. Max leaned down awkwardly to give him a hug, hobbling on one leg.

“And the fourth?” Wisp hissed. She seemed.. Strangely hostile. The adrenaline was messing with her head.

“..Andrea.” Ein whispered. He lowered his head slowly. Even a tough guy like Ein couldn’t stop the sad feelings. Alex began to wail loudly, pressing his face against Max’s shirt. Tears slid down Max’s face. Wisp looked confused. Like she couldn’t quite believe him. Her bottom lip trembled.

“You.. You..” Wisp mumbled, tears gliding down her face. She desperately tried to wipe them away, to no avail. She looked angrily towards Ein. Alexander understood her far better than he had when he was first here. She was upset. Desperate. She needed somebody to blame, or she would completely lose it.

“I’m sorry, Wisp.” He murmured. The crowd had gone silent, angry and sad. Wisp stormed over to him, grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him closer to her. He made a small, surprised noise, attempting to pull away from her.

“S-She said she was going to help the wounded! Why didn’t you do something? Why are you such a failure?” Wisp hissed angrily. Hurt tears filled Ein’s eyes. Max gently let go of Alex, hobbling over to Wisp.

“Wisp, please calm down.” Max whispered. He gently reached for her shoulder, eyes worried. Wisp dropped Ein, whipping around towards Max. She took a step towards him, hate in her eyes.

“Shut up, Max! You don’t know anything. You’re a failure. You never listen to what I tell you. You think you’re so much better, huh? You all think you’re so much better. Well, why don’t you try leading? Run off and start your own group?” She yelled. She put her hands against Max, shoving him violently towards the ground. He landed awkwardly against his wounded foot, yelping with pain as he fully went down.

There was a moment of silence.

Max quivered slightly, tears running down and hitting the ground. In his eyes, there was a bright look of fear. He was afraid of Wisp.

Alex stood still as he watched. There was a look of fear and horror on his face. His world was crumbling down around him. His idol, the person he looked up to the most, was turning into a monster. Alexander knew he was blaming himself. It would be a long time before he learned it wasn’t his fault.

Alexander stared at Wisp with hate. A long, unresolved hate. He understood her, yes, but it did not make it any better.

He hated that he was just like her.

Wisp seemed confused for a moment. She stared down at Max, and then at Ein, and then at Alex. There was a look of hurt on her face, before it fizzed back into anger. Pure and raw.

“I need space.” She said sharply. She gave her group a final look, before she paced off into the woods, still injured.

The clearing exploded with sound. Whispers, yells, cheers, cries.

Ein walked over to Max, gently leaning down. Max weakly grabbed onto him, allowing Ein to help him stand up. Alex looked longingly towards Max. He wanted Max to explain everything to him. To reassure him that Wisp would be fine.

But he did not.

And he would not.

Out of the corner of Alexander’s eye, he saw a faint yellow glow. Turning his head ever-so-slightly, he could see the frame of a woman. Andrea. Her colors were tinted in a warm summer glow, eyes bright and gold. Gold stained her clothes, marking the places where she bled, and the places where she was killed. She looked happy, the same way she was in life.

Alexander could not stop tears from falling, a sudden homesickness eating at him like a virus.

Andrea’s eyes glimmered, and she waved happily at Alexander. He didn’t know how to respond. Did she know who he was? How was she here? She wasn’t here the first time around.

Maybe she brought him here.

He doubted it.

Alexander spent the next couple of weeks with the group. Well, it didn’t feel quite like weeks, but he knew it had been that long.

The group focused primarily on repair. Max acted as the stand-in leader for the majority of the time. Wisp did come back, causing mixed reactions, but she spent most of her time alone.

One of the older boys stepped in as the temporary nurse, and he did his best with the situation at hand. Max’s leg was healing nicely, and so was Wisp’s shoulder.

Max and Wisp hadn’t spoken to each other since. Max still seemed a little afraid of her, and Wisp just seemed tired. She didn’t eat a lot, she didn’t speak to anybody, and she snapped at anybody who came near. Even Alex.

The boy had stuck close to Max and Alexander. He looked defeated most days. He could usually be found curled up next to Max, quiet. Some days, he tried to speak to Wisp. It never went well.

Alexander was just waiting for this nightmare to end.

Alexander knew what was coming. In fact, he knew when. Almost an hour from now.

They were all unaware.

Max talked softly with Ein, who had become almost what Max had been to Wisp. Max couldn’t quite walk normally on his leg, but he did his best. A minor wound compared to some of the injuries he had gotten.

The clearing was still muddy and damp. It was still raining, and the group was making preparations in case it flooded. He watched from underneath a tree as the little ginger girl who told Wisp he was here lifted up some medical supplies onto the branch of a tree. An older blonde boy was moving the makeshift beds into the trees as well.

Wisp didn’t even seem to move as two girls took her bed to a taller rock above the ground. She didn’t even flinch. The only sign that she was even alive was the fact that she was still breathing. Alexander didn’t want to speak to her. He didn’t want to accidentally change anything.

Alex wandered over to him, looking a little shy. Alexander eyed him, raising an eyebrow. The boy came up and sat next to him, staring out into the rain.

“I hope the rain goes away soon.” He mumbled. Alexander didn’t know exactly what to do. This didn’t happen in the original timeline. There, he had just sat and watched the rain. Hopefully this didn’t affect anything.

Alexander didn’t respond. Alex looked nervously up at him, his eyes desperate for some validation. He was clearly conflicted about Wisp, and maybe a little bit upset that Max had seemingly given up on her. Alexander sighed.

“Yeah. Me too.” Alexander finally said. The boy watched him with a confused look, but said nothing. Maybe he was noticing just how similar the two looked.

The two sat like that for a half hour, staring at the downpour and the recovery of the camp. It was calming, more than it should have been. Alexander ticked down the moments until it happened. Any minute now. He wasn’t frightened, just sad. He wasn’t sure what for. Maybe he was sad for Alex. Maybe he was sad for him.

Who could tell?

Wisp emerged from her little corner, eyes shallow and dreary. Her face was stiff and cold, and she moved with a sense of purpose. The people around her murmured anxiously at her arrival. Max looked up from his conversation with Ein to watch, expression mildly alarmed.

Her hand was on something in her pocket. It wasn’t noticeable unless you were looking for it.

But Alexander was.

She stepped up carefully onto the rock that towered above the rest of them. Her eyes flicked from person to person. Sometimes a spark of emotion would break through as she saw a person. Max sparked guilt. Alex sparked sadness. She looked right at Alexander, and her eyes sparked with a deep determination.

She knew who he was. Maybe she always had.

Maybe she noticed the prison uniform tied around his waist.

Maybe she wondered if she was making a mistake. If she was going to be the one to ruin Alex.

But, in the end, she was always going to put herself over others. If she wanted to do this..

She would do it.

She cleared her throat, waving to get the attention of the group. The people went silent, the only noise the pitter-patter of the rain. The younger children huddled together for warmth, while the older ones pretended not to be cold. Everybody was awaiting what Wisp would say.

“I would like to thank everybody for everything. To thank you for traveling all this way with me. To thank you for staying, even after the deaths of your friends and family.” Wisp took a deep breath, eyes flooding with life that had not been seen in weeks. Max shifted uncomfortably in his spot.

“But I’m afraid the journey is over.” She spoke loudly, to catch the ears of every group member. Whispers broke out, confusion flooding the group.

“We’ve gone a long, long way. We’ve been hunted by.. them.. the whole time. I just..” She took a long breath here. Her hands shook at her side. Ein looked concerned. Almost like he knew where this was going.

“I can’t do it anymore. I’m not a good person. I can’t lead you guys knowing I will do nothing but harm you.” Her eyes shifted to Max, but his stayed cold.

“You guys will live a good, long life, okay? You’ll find somebody who can care for you. All of you. I’m sorry I won’t be there to see it. Thank you, and I’m sorry.” She finished, eyes staring into Alex’s. The little boy looked confused, hair blown about by the wind.

Wisp reached for the object in her pocket.

It was a gun. A gun stolen from the attackers that had chased them from the camp.

The pieces seemed to click in everybody’s head, but nobody could move.

Wisp pressed the barrel against the side of her head, letting tears slip down her head.

Then she pulled the trigger.

The camp exploded. Screams filled the clearing. Max was paralyzed to the spot, his face horrified. Ein’s hand was clamped over his mouth.

Alex’s eyes grew wide, and his face paled until it looked as if no blood remained in his face. He took a tentative step back, his bottom lip trembling.

Wisp’s body slipped from the rock, landing head-first onto the ground, further breaking the corpse. Blood pooled under her, her limbs oddly sprawled out. Her hair had turned brunette again and her face turned natural — her ability to create illusions stopped working when she was injured.. or in this case, dead.

The group members started to crowd around, pushing and shoving to get to her body. Max kicked the dirt out from under him as he swiftly moved to his feet. Even though it must have hurt, he sprinted into the crowd, tears glistening in his eyes. Ein stayed, clearly in shock.

Max ran right by Alex, accidentally knocking the boy over in the process. Alex hit the dirt, lifting himself up only slightly to continue staring at Wisp. His tiny body trembled fearfully.

Max managed to shove his way past the crowd of people, breaking through next to Wisp’s corpse. He stared down at her, tears finally falling. He collapsed onto his knees, gently whispering things to Wisp as he clutched her shirt. He sobbed violently, unable to control himself. He pressed his face against her shirt, his tears soaking through. He seemed unable to move or do anything else.

Alexander moved slowly over to Alex, staring down at him. The boy stared back up at him, his eyes wide and afraid. Alexander’s face was calm and neutral. He couldn’t be afraid, and he wasn’t sad either. He only felt hate for Wisp. How could she have left him like this?

Alexander slowly leaned down next to Alex. The black-haired man offered a hand to him, tilting his head slightly. Alex didn’t take it. He stared deep into Alexander’s eyes, and Alexander watched his expression shift from sadness to hate.

Before Alexander could react, he got up on his own and started sprinting towards the woods. Alexander watched him go with a stunned expression. Taking a deep breath, he moved swiftly after him.

He pushed past rogue branches and bushes, looking around with a long huff of breath. Where had he gone?

Alexander gritted his teeth, resting against a tree for a moment to catch his breath. God, he was old.

He scanned the tangled clearing, looking for any movement. The bushes and trees were silent, but he could still hear a noise.

Quiet crying.

He carefully maneuvered himself through the forest towards the sound. Alexander was, well, not very tall, but he wasn’t as agile as a child and couldn’t slip himself easily through the branches.

He could see the form of the boy scrunched up against a tree. His arms were crossed over his knees, and his head was in those arms. His dark hair was all messy and scruffed up.

Alexander sighed, reluctantly moving to stand in front of Alex. He sniffled and sobbed, arms quivering slightly.

“Kid.” Alexander said gruffly, staring down at him. Maybe he should’ve felt sad for him. He wanted to, but he couldn’t muster anything up. He was just staring at the empty shell of a boy. The rest of him had been left with his mother 6 years ago.

Alex looked up, anger in his face.

“Go away. I don’t want to talk to you.” He frowned. Alexander scowled at the kid. Why was he mad at him? What had he done?

“Why are you upset with me?” Alexander asked, crossing his arms. Alex looked at him with hurt eyes, as if he didn’t understand why Alexander didn’t know why he was upset.

“You knew what was going to happen, and you still let her die.” Alex mumbled. Alexander felt his face grow cold. Alex knew.

“..How did you know?” Alexander hissed. Alex looked at him with a stiff expression.

“Be serious, Alexander. We look exactly the same. You’re just older.” Alex frowned. Alexander rolled his eyes. Yeah, Alex was right, but he didn’t have to know that.

“Fine. I couldn’t save Wisp. It would have messed everything up.” Alexander lied. He didn’t really know if it would mess everything up, and he didn’t intend to find out.

“Why did you ruin our life? My life?” Alex sniffed. “I just want to be happy..” He murmured. Alexander felt a weirdly sharp stab of pain. He had never wanted to be confronted like this.

“I didn’t mean to.” Alexander sighed. He didn’t know how else to answer.

“Yes you did! You’re wearing a prison uniform!” Alex half-yelled. He pointed to the orange fabric of his pants, and of the top part that was tied around his waist. He was wearing a white tanktop above it. For the most part, it just looked like an orange jumpsuit, but you could thinly see the numbers weaved into the shirt around his waist.

“Shut up! You don’t know anything about my life!” Alexander snarled. Alex crossed his arms.

“Yes I do! It’s going to be my life too!” Alex bit back. Alexander tried not to look as stunned as he felt. Alex was right. This was going to be his life. How had everything gone so wrong?

“I’m sorry, Alex.” Alexander mumbled. Alex looked up in surprise. He smiled happily, standing up. Alex trotted over, and hugged him tightly. Alexander leaned down, and with tears in his eyes, hugged him back.

The two versions of the same person rested together for a moment. Maybe, in unspoken words, they were both apologizing for everything that had happened -- and everything that would.

“Alex, I need you to listen to me. Go that way until you reach a playground. One of the little ones for small children. Then, just sit under the slide.” Alexander demanded, pulling back. Alex looked confused, his face scrunched slightly.

“What? Why?” He asked, glancing in the direction he had gestured.

“Just trust me, okay? I’m the one who’s already done this.” Alexander promised. Alex tentatively nodded.

“Okay..” Alex moved backwards slowly towards the woods.

“Before you go.. I’ll always miss you.” Alexander dipped his head. Alex smiled, his eyes bright like that of the child he had never properly gotten to be.

“Good luck, Alexander. I’m always there, whether you know it or not.” Alex giggled, winking. He then turned around and ran to the trees.

Alexander sat back, his head buzzing. He would miss Alex, the child he used to be. He’d miss long rainy days with Wisp, Andrea, and Max. Max was the only one still alive in the modern day. Max didn’t like him too much anyways. He had put a bad name for the group members, and he knew it.

As his younger self got further and further away, Alexander could feel the world around him start to crumble and slip away, like sand falling through his hands.

He embraced it. He wanted to go back, even if the world he would return to would only be worse.

As the last grain fell, he slowly opened his eyes to the gray walls of his prison cell. The air was tight and unclean, nothing like the rain-scented air of the forest.

“What’re you looking at?” A man said, shooting Alexander a look. Elias, a guard.

Alexander said nothing, simply turning back to the gray walls.

He’d get out.

Someday.

Somehow.

*Sorry, Alex. This is* my *life now.*