Elf Hazard

**Elf Hazard** is the 11th Oxventure episode of Season 2 and the 23rd episode overall, in which the Oxventures follow Merilwen the wood elf druid into the forest for an important rite of passage.

## Synopsis

Merilwen receives a summons to return to her home, to attend a very important ceremony. But Merilwen doesn't seem too happy about this. What could be wrong? Is it a joyous occasion or is dreaded occasion?

## Summary

After their misadventure in Barrowmere, the Guild have retired to a tavern called the Proud Banner, where they are having brunch. As Egbert begins to cast one of his new spells, Find Steed, Corazón goes to the bar and orders a beer for Egbert, a mimosa for himself, an evil mimosa for Prudence, a chaotic good for Dob and a neutral mimosa for Merilwen. But the brunch takes a bizarre turn when a giant tortoise enters the bar, which the Guild assumes is Egbert's steed. The tortoise then rolls Seal Gaiman under the table out of its way and hands Merilwen a scroll. Corazón looks at the scroll, sees that it's written in Elvish, and chucks it away, only for Merilwen to catch it in mid-air.

Merilwen reads the scroll and sees that it is an invite to a naming party. Her naming party. It tells her to come to her home, the Old Thicket. The summons is written by an Elf named Adhrel, a name she doesn't recognise, but she recognises the handwriting as belonging to her cousin, Lily. Merilwen looks up from the scroll to see a giant mastiff sniffing the tortoise, who Egbert named Dodgert. Corazón tells Egbert to look after this dog better than the thirty seven mini Egberts, who all aged rapidly and died, leaving their husks on the deck of the Joyful Damnation for Corazón to sweep up. Corazón then searches the tortoise's bandolier, and finds it full of items such as a shopping list and a request from a father who thinks his son got turned into a rat.

Dob asks Merilwen about the scroll, and Corazón uses Comprehend Languages to read it. Merilwen explains that, since she is now over a hundred, she has now become an adult in elven society, as such the time has come for her to receive a new name. Everyone is excited by this, and starts suggesting new names for her, but Merilwen isn't excited, as she likes her current name. Corazón doesn't see what the problem is, as he used to be known as Percy and now he has a cool name. Merilwen points out that the Elf that wrote the scroll used to be known as Lily, but she's Adhrel now, a statement that Prudence understands. Dob asks who Adhrel is, and Merilwen says that she's her cousin, who wanted to live by their society's customs more than she did, before she met Simon the cat and decided to explore the world. Corazón asks if they'll be okay with non Elves attending the ceremony, to which Merilwen says that she's spent more time with them, so her community might come across as out of touch and snobby.

Merilwen ultimately decides to go, as it'll mean a lot to her family, and the Guild decide to go because they want to meet her parents. The group know it is a special occasion, so Dob washes his clothes and Prudence tell Merilwen that she'll buy the strongest alcohol she can so she won't have to be sober for the boring ceremony. As soon as Prudence says that, the bartender asks if they want the evil mimosas, as they've stopped selling brunch and they never sell the evil ones. Prudence straps the cask to Dogbert, and asks Merilwen which way to go. Corazón then gets all his sarcastic Elf impressions out of him, but Merilwen and Dob don't believe he's gotten all of them out. And with all that settled, they head off to the Old Thicket.

Despite the fact that Merilwen knows she is far away from it, any Elf that returns to the Old Thicket always arrives there in a few hours no matter the distance, a feat that Merilwen can't explain. On the way, Merilwen asks Dob if she looks neat and tidy, which Dob confirms, although he reminds her who she's talking to. Merilwen then turns to Prudence and asks the same question, to which Prudence backs up Dob's claim. Dob then asks Merilwen if she wants him to braid her hair, but she tells him that'll be part of the preparations for the ceremony. Dob then uses Prestidigitation to braid his and everyone else's hair with mithril, Elven jewellery, he even gives Egbert an nose ring.

The Guild then arrive in the forest, and Dob and Corazón are immediately enamoured by it's mystical energy, to the point Merilwen asks them to tone it down. Corazón then sings a song in "the green speak" about how wonderful the forest is, which captivates the woodland creatures, a feat that makes Merilwen jealous. The Guild then press on until they find a clearing with a pool of shimmering silver water. Dob then immediately takes off his boots and sticks his feet in it. Everyone else looks around and see a group of Dryads, who draw their bows at Dob. Corazón warns Dob about this, who takes his feet out the pool, which causes the Dryads to relax their bows. But they soon draw them again when Dob turns his feet invisible. One Dryad steps forward and gestures Dob to leave the pool alone, which he does, staring longingly at the pool.

Merilwen speaks to the Dryads in Elvish and asks them why they're protecting the pool. The Dryads explain that the pool isn't necessarily sacred to them, it's just theirs and they don't like anyone else using it. Corazón then begins to sing a song about how they should all share the pool, which attracts a nearby deer and annoys everyone enough for Dob to try and cast Sleep on him and for the Dryads to charm the deer into biting Corazón's arm and failing to kick him in the head. The Guild then decide to leave the area. The Dryads disappear back into the trees as the Guild are escorted by the deer. Dob promises Merilwen that he won't do that exact thing again, and Corazón finally understands that everyone is fed up of his singing. Merilwen asks for stiff drink of evil mimosa, a liqueur that feels alive as if it crawls down ones throat. Once they are out of Dryad territory, the deer prances off.

On the way, Egbert's nose ring gets caught on a branch, which burns away due to Egbert's breath. Soon enough, they arrive at Merilwen's village, which is full of treehouses connected by rope bridges. As they are taking in the sights, a horn is sounded, which scares off Dogbert, and a welcome party gathers to welcome Merilwen and her guests. As Merilwen cringes, the Elves set up for the party, as Eroan, the elder, approaches. Eroan introduces himself to the Guild, summoning an Elf named Jandar to give them acorn wine, served in tiny acorn cups. The group aren't impressed with the meagre mouthfull, and Corazón offers to top it up with opium. Eroan explains that they commune with the forest here, respecting nature and all her bounties, and when the time comes, Elves will take their adult names and continue the good work, as nature intended. When the subject of Merilwen's new name comes up, Eroan explains that if an Elf can't pick a new name then they can turn to their friends to decide. If they don't come up with a name they like, then they have constructed what they call in elvish a 'tombola'; a spinning wooden box that selects a random name from a bunch of names written on pieces of bark. Prudence is delighted by the concept of the tombola, which surprises Eroan, as he didn't know Tieflings could be so cultured.

Not realising he's said anything harsh, Eroan bids the Guild adieu, as he has preparations to make. Adhrel then appears, bounding towards Merilwen and gives her a hug. Merilwen tells Adhrel that she doesn't want to change her name, to which Adhrel retorts that they are grown up now and too old for play stick sword fighting. Dob takes offence to this, as they fight with real swords fighting with, but then suddenly remembers he actually does fight with a stick since he lost his rapier in the fight with Vex. Corazón then points out the main issue with the name changing... he still has some Merilwen's Meatgrinder branded t-shits to sell! Egbert then comes up with a plan to rig the tombola, so that every name inside says 'Merilwen', a plan so good that it makes Corazón suspect Egbert of being a doppelganger.

Adhrel then tells Merilwen that it's her choice to make, although Eroan once told her that if she chose to leave when the time came to pick her name then she wouldn't be allowed back into the community. If an Elf choses to keep their old name, then the community gives them a piece of jewellery, wishes them luck, and then they're never seen again. Corazón asks what's so important about the name, asking if it gives them cool powers, which doesn't seem to be the case. Merilwen wonders what this would mean for her, as she hasn't been home for quite a while. She then asks Adhrel if she gets to leave, as Eroan's wording seemed a bit final. Adhrel says she never really thought about leaving, she just provides for the community and never really thought about what might be out there. Egbert admits some of it's bad, and muses at the possibility of staying here, a prospect that seems to excite Adhrel.

Corazón says they could stay there and get new names, too. But Adhrel says they can't get new names, because they aren't Elves, a statement she immediately realises sounds a bit racist and tries to take it back. Dob asks if they should take off the jewellery he made, to which Adhrel asks if it's meant to be a joke. Dob starts taking it off while crying, to which Adhrel clarifies that it's a bit insensitive. Due to this discussion, Adhrel concedes that she's clearly lived a sheltered life. She also apologises to Prudence for what Eroan said, to which Prudence states that she's going to burn down Eroan's house. Regardless, Adhrel says she'll support Merilwen in whatever she decides to do, but she still needs to get her ready for the party.

Prudence, who is still annoyed about Eroan, asks Merilwen if she thinks she'll be a prisoner here. Merilwen in turn apologises to Prudence for not sticking up for her, as she was too busy cringing from Eroan's comment. Merilwen explains that Eroan worked his way to the top, as is more of a career elder than a community elder. The Guild collectively agree that something is up with this ceremony, as Merilwen doesn't remember the banishment part of the naming party being a thing. Corazón volunteers to breaking into Eroan's house to investigate, while Prudence keeps an eye on Eroan. Dob and Egbert agree to replace the tombola with a replica, while Merilwen goes to get ready for the party to keep Adhrel out of trouble.

Corazón wanders through the treehouses like a tourist, in order to get close to Eroan's house, and witnesses Eroan leave his house to go somewhere. Corazón then picks the lock, becoming impressed by how the lock works, and enters the house to investigate. He comes across Eroan's desk, which has a speech template for the ceremony and two jewellery boxes. The first box contains a circlet and the second contains a iron broach. Corazón considers what Merilwen would think if he'd just took the jewellery, and instead decides to find evidence that proves that Eroan is up to no good.

Meanwhile, Dob and Egbert find the tombola. Dob realises that they can't replicate its fine craftsmanship, and that they can't use illusion magic on the name tag because it'll stop working when someone touches it. So Dob comes up with a plan to make a trick tombola that'll spit out the name "Merilwen", steal the real one, and then replace it with the trick one under the guise of wanting to help. Egbert suggests they use the cask of evil mimosa as the tombola drum, which mean they'll have to drunk the remaining mimosa. Luckily for them, Jandar comes round with a pair of beer bongs, and they invite him to drink with them, meaning they only have to drink a third of the mimosa each.

Meanwhile, Prudence watches Eroan from the forest floor until he arrives at Merilwen's parents house. Once he arrives at it, Prudence casts her newly acquired Clairvoyance to listen in on their conversation. She hears Merilwen's mother and father, Meriel and Gweyir, voice their concern that Merilwen won't take a new name. Gweyir asks Eroan if he'll really give her "the iron", to which Eroan says he wishes he could let her come in and out like this, but that's not how their society works. Meriel asks if they can bribe him to chance his mind, but Eroan says he has everything he needs. The conversation then devolves into pleasantries, but Prudence can tell that Merilwen's parents are keeping up appearances, and are upset at the idea of losing thier daughter.

Back with Corazón, he finds a massive ledger written by the elder of the village, dating back hundreds of years, which details the names of the Elves in the community, what name they took, and their current status. He sees that some names are either marked as "crown" or "iron", making Corazón realise that the jewellery he found is part of the ceremony. He notices that ten percent of the name marks as "iron" have place names, while the other ninety percent have an X. Corazón then waits for Prudence to give him a status report. Prudence, having become bored of listening to talks about lemon cake, decides to cast Message to tell Corazón what she's learned. Corazón comes to the conclusion that "giving her the iron" refers to the iron broach, so he steals it to prevent Eroan from giving it to Merilwen. Also, fuelled by anger at Eroan's racist comment towards Prudence, he decides to knock over a bottle of clear spirit over onto an incense burner to burn down Eroan's house, taking the ledger while he leaves.

Back with Dob and Egbert, after showing Jandar how to do a keg stand and essentially inventing the Elven nap, Dob constructs the trick tombola out of the cask, while a hammered Egbert nearly ruins it, before getting distracted by Dogbert. Dob then casually saunters up the the real tombola, while Egbert staggers behind him. Dob then comes up with a plan to create an illusion to distract the Elves long enough for Egbert to steal the real tombola, Egbert suggesting he makes it look like a house is on fire. Dob then chats with some of the Elves preparing for the party, during with he casts Major Illusion to make it look like a house's roof is on fire. At the same time, Eroan's house catches fire as well, making Dob wonder how good he is at magic. During the panic, Egbert grabs the real tombola and dives into the undergrowth.

The Elves quickly deal with Eroan's house, but their efforts are ineffective against the illusionary fire. Dob then offers to use a spells he's learned that can put out the fire. He then cancels the illusion and collapses to the ground, claiming he only has enough magic to deal with one house. Dob the grabs a handful of ash, claiming it is what is left of the real tombola. As everyone is saddened by this news, Egbert emerges from the bush and claims that Corazón has a gambling problem, so he might have a tombola. Corazón the arrives and backs up this claim, retrieving the trick tombola, leaving the Elves to frantically write a bunch of names.

The Guild then meet up to discuss what they've learned. Prudence tells Merilwen, who is all dressed up for the party, that she's heard her parents' voices, and comments how weird it is that she hasn't met up with them yet. Merilwen and Adhrel compare it to how a bride and groom can't meet until the wedding ceremony, as the parents are remeeting their child. Corazón shows everyone the ledger he took, and he and Egbert conclude that it's possible that all the X's mean that they are killing all the Elves that refuse to take a name. Corazón also tells Prudence that he burned down Eroan's house for her, much to her delight.

A horn then sounds, announcing the time has come for the naming ceremony, even though Eroan's house is still on fire. Eroan is flustered, as his house is on fire and he couldn't retrieve his speech. The Guild members mock him, by telling him to picture them naked. Eroan retrieves some spare jewellery boxes and invites Merilwen to the stage. As the other Guild mates cheer her on, with Corazón taking off items of clothing and helicoptering them, Egbert tells Merilwen that they sorted the tombola. As Merilwen steps onto the stage, Eroan asks her if she has chosen a name, which she denies. Eroan then offers to have her friends pick a name, who all start shouting their joke names, which Merilwen again denies. Eroan then offers to consult the tombola, which Merilwen accepts, something that makes Eroan smile.

Meriel and Gweyir wheel the trick tombola onto the stage, giving the Guild a chance to compare Merilwen to her parents. Everyone is shocked at how handsome Gweyir is, and Dob casts Message to tell Merilwen that they are crushing on her dad. Eroan is confused that the tombola isn't their own, and one of the Elves that wrote the names explained what happened earlier. Eroan is annoyed, but knows that he can't refuse using the new tombola, so he invites Merilwen to spin it. Merilwen does so, spewing the smell of evil booze through the forest, and a name is spat out. Eroan reads is and is angered to see that it reads "Merilwen". Eroan realises that Merilwen never planned to take a new name, and banishes her for mocking one of their ceremonies, pinning an iron broach to her clothes. The Guild are shocked that Eroan has spars, and Dob asks how many Elves he's banishing. Eroan hears this, and responds "Two apparently.", turning to Corazón, as he can tell he has the other broach. Dob then turns Corazón invisible, and pretends that he suddenly died. Eroan reassure them that he hasn't died... yet. As Meriel and Gweyir burst into tears, Eroan then tells Merilwen he'd run if he was her, before the four corners of the forest emit a ghastly shriek, which Merilwen recognise as belonging to Banshees.

The crowd scatters as two of the Banshees arrive from the east and the west. The one from the east slashes at the invisible Corazón, turning him visible again, before he runs towards Eroan and pins his broach to him before hiding. Dob cast Thunderwave at one of the Banshees, which narrowly avoids it, taking minor thunder damage. Prudence casts Bestow Curse on a Banshee that's chasing Corazón, by giving it a backhanded slap, making it forget what it was going to do. Meanwhile, Eroan realises the iron broach is now on him, and runs away, prompting Merilwen to cast Entangle on him and restrains him. Eroan begs her to let him go, but she doesn't listen. Egbert then tries to take the broach off of Merilwen, but it doesn't budge.

The first Banshee then swipes at Merilwen, who ducks out of the way, before Corazón tries to stab it with his rapier, only to find that it is resistant to his attacks. Corazón shares this finding with Dob, who runs at the Banshee he hurt earlier and stabs it in the face with his pointy stick. Prudence takes the knowledge Corazón bestows, and casts Agonizing Blast wrecks the damaged Banshee. Eroan pleas for mercy then reach a crescendo, before a loud wail comes from the north, so loud that it kills Eroan for being in the centre of it. Seeing this, Merilwen cancels Entangle and casts Wind Wall to create a circle around herself, her friends and her parents to protect them, which destroys the Banshee Dob and Prudence were attacking. Egbert then uses his crowbar and pries off the broach off Merilwen, which annoys Corazón as he could have used his Paladin powers against the remaining Banshee.

As soon as the broach flies off Merilwen, all the Banshees lose interest and return to the forest. Dob tries to collect the broach to potentially use against someone in the future, but this causes the Banshee to chase after them. Dob then begins to mess with the Banshee by repeatedly grabbing and releasing the broach, much to Merilwen's annoyance, who's still holding up the Wind Wall. Dob soon gets bored of teasing the Banshee, and casts Heat Metal to destroy the broach. Gweyir thanks Dob, but explains that Eroan had loads of broaches. Merilwen then hugs her parents, and asks what the deal with the Banshees was. Meriel explains that they suspect the Banshees usually kill the banished Elves once they left the village. She then calls Eroan a foul word in Elvish, which shocks Merilwen, as she hadn't heard her mother curse before. Meriel then goes on to say that naming ceremony was always a big deal, but Eroan took it too far, a statement everyone agrees with.

Meriel states that things are going to change around here now that Eroan is gone. Gweyir then tells Merilwen that they loves her, and it doesn't matter what her name is, stating that they'll send an eagle if someone like Eroan rises to power again. Merilwen then tells her parents that she doesn't mind the ceremony, as it symbolises her coming into adulthood, but she she just wants people to keep calling her Merilwen. However, she does have a compromise. She has had an idea for a name that only the people of the Old Thicket can call her, and that is "Merilgror", which means "Catbear". Her parents are clearly bothered by this name, but try their best to be supportive.

With that sorted, everyone begins to party. Jandar, who has recovered from his nap, raids Eroan's larder and recovers his fancy food replace what was destroyed by Merilwen's Windwall. Corazón gets on stage and begins to sing his Elven song, which harshes the party's buzz a bit. Adhrel sidles up to Egbert and asks if he wants to leave the party, which he accepts, and the two leave the clearing.

## Guild Hijinks

* Corazón sings a song that somehow enchants the animals and fairies of the Old Thicket, and annoys the other inhabitants.
* Dob and Egbert make an elf drink so much they invent the Elven nap.

## Character Development

* Corazón and Prudence ask permission from Merilwen before they do anything while they are in her homeland.
* Corazón burns down a house because it'll make Prudence happy.

## Behind The Scenes Trivia

* The template for this episode was used as an example to help Luke Westaway write Watch Out!.