Grigori Rasputin

**Grigori Rasputin** is (or was) Russia's greatest love machine, and he is a psycho!

## Info

Name: Grigori Yefimovich Rasputin

Age: 1,000

Parent's Story: Russian History

Appearance: I'm a big, strong Russian guy with long brown hair and a manly beard.

Alignment: Royal

Secret Heart's Desire: To take revenge on Russian revolutionary scum.

My Magic Touch: I have nonexistent magical healing powers and I'm very hard to kill.

Storybook Romance Status: I used to be Russia's greatest love machine, but now my penis is in a jar in a museum somewhere.

Oh Curses Moment: Since I don't have a dick anymore, using the bathroom is kinda hard.

Favorite Subject: Sex Education. Just ask the tsarina.

Least Favorite Subject: History. Damn communists ruin everything.

Best Friends Forever After: Vladimir Putin and all the Russian athletes.

## Biography

There lived a certain man, in Russia long ago. He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow!
I am Grigori Rasputin, Russia's greatest love machine and lover of the Russian queen. Back in the day, I worked for the Romanovs. I claimed to have magical healing powers to help their hemophiliac son Alexei, but of course I was lying and just trying to get them all killed (including Anastasia - don't let Don Bluth tell you otherwise). Those were good times - I used to spy on Alexandra when she was using the bathroom. I was voted the sluttiest Russian alive, beating out that whore Mathilde Kschessinska. Of course, I got killed in the end.

By the powers of Koschei himself, I was revived and sent to Ever After to cause chaos. Of course, my foot-long wiener is gone because Felix Yusupov cut it off after he murdered me. I manage, though using the bathroom is kinda hard. I have a prosthetic penis, although unfortunately it can't make babies.

I now work for the Russian government once more and Vladmir Putin treats me well. Even though me and Vladimir Putin hate gays, we like to sleep together. He's very good in bed. Despite being attracted to every gender, I make sure that only straight people have rights in Russia.

In my spare time, I like drinking vodka, squat dancing, being sexist, watching hentai, hanging out with gopniks, watching Russian sports (especially figure skating since it has so many sexy broads), reading anti-Semitic propaganda, fighting against Chechen terrorists, going to the ballet, reading Playboy, and interfering in American politics. I'm an ally of Donald Trump and I make sure he can deport all those illegal immigrants.

I am enemies with Letitgo Arendelle and her horde of communist freaks who keep preaching their equality bullsh\*t.They keep trying to kill me, but I'm Rasputin, and I can survive poisoning, murder, and watching bad movies. I'm immortal anyway. Immortality is cool.

## Trivia

* Rasputin has dark sorcery powers bestowed on him from Koschei. The two have a lot in common. Koschei was also the lover of a Russian queen (in his case being Maria Morevna, whom he kidnapped after she refused to call him her sugar daddy).
* His favorite athlete is Evgeni Plushenko. He likes taking pictures of Plushy and then jerking off to them with his prosthetic penis.
* He doesn't like Tatars and tells them to get off his lawn.
* He always swims naked.
* He is friends with Tara Christian.