Jameson Vs. Nature - Transcript

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Chapter 25 - Jameson Vs. Nature

Establishing shot of Randoms INC, cut inside Jameson is having a meeting with Safety Ninja and Anne

Jameson

“Hello former Oddity INC employees. Today we are discussing my biggest plan yet!”

They both groan

Safety Ninja

“We’re still on this?”

Jameson

“YES! I’ll buy this stupid company or die trying!”

Safety Ninja

“Please die trying”

Anne

“Please die trying”

“Shut up! Now that I work here it’s the perfect cover! Anyways THAT DOESN’T MATTER, here my newest plan!”

Anne

“This is dumb, I don’t work for you anymore... sooo...”

Saftey Ninja

“You know that’s not a bad point”

Jameson

“What?! Really?! You’re leaving? After all we’ve been through together! Remember when there was a wasp in the lobby, and you guys had to protect me and my smooth sensitive skin? Or when Anne’s water heater broke so she had to shower at the company and it was really awkward for everyone? Or what about when-“

Safety Ninja and Anne have already left

Jameson

“HECKING! Ugh... fine then, I’ll do it myself”

Intro plays

Inside the cafeteria, Jameson is eyeing an electrical socket, waiting. He eats his bacon flavored bacon bar very slowly and dramatically. Then he gets up, walks over to it, and shoves a fork into the socket. This electrocutes him

Jameson

“AAAAAAAAAAAA- peh, I’ve felt worse”

Then he lights the fork on fire with a match he had in his pocket, then pulls out a jug of gasoline that he also had in his pocket. He begins tipping it over

Jameson

“I’m a genius-“

Malcom

“JAMESON MAMESON! WHY!”

Jameson freezes, slowly turns around, then attempts to hid the gasoline behind his back. This fails, the spout pokes out behind his back

Jameson

“What’s up Malcom?”

Malcom

“Why am I surprised, of course you’re still trying to sabotage my company”

Jameson

“Whaaaaaaat?”

Safety Ninja and Anne are at a table very close to them

Safety Ninja

“It’s true”

Anne

“He really is”

Jameson

“WOW GUYS! THANKS FOR THIS OVERWHELMING SUPPORT!”

Malcom

“What were you even trying to do?”

Jameson

“Blame you for arson”

Malcom

“On my own... building?”

Jameson

“Okay, well when you say something in that tone of course it sounds worse!”

Malcom

“Just leave, you’re fired again”

Jameson freezes

Jameson

“Run that by me one more time”

Malcom

“Fired”

Jameson

“You know what?! Fair enough!”

Hard cut, he’s sobbing on the streets

Jameson

“WOW! GOOD JOB ME! YA JUST HAD TO GO AND BE ME! I’M HOMELESS!”

A car drives by

Driver

“HA HA! HOMELESS!”

Jameson

“YOUR HOMELESS! No wait that doesn’t work both ways... wait a minute, I know who I can stay with! MY FATHER- Nope just kidding! Good one me! For reals though, I’m going”

Cut, Jameson knocks on a door

Robert answers

Robert

“Oh... it’s you... wow...”

Jameson

“Miss me?”

Robert

“Can’t say that I do”

Jameson

“Eh fair enough, so I was thinking, we did one villain team up, why not do another as well? Take out Malcom once and for all!”

Robert

“Oh, uh, ha ha... mmm... yeah no...”

Jameson

“What why?!”

Robert

“Contract says no, so-“

Jameson

“Contract? What contract?”

Robert

“Oh this one”

Robert takes out the peace treaty

Jameson

“What?! You’re kidding right? You’re gonna let that stop you?”

Robert

“What?”

Cue entire musical number about Jameson trying to convince Robert to revile the contract

Robert

“Ok, get off my property”

Jameson

“SUCK SUCK!”

Cut, Jameson in the woods

Jameson

“I can’t believe this! Why would he refuse my help?! I’m Jameson Mameson, MALCOM’S GREATEST ENEMY! \*sigh\* guess I’ll set up shelter here for the night. Really that’s a stupid idea. SHUT UP JAMESON!”

He props up some sticks, climbs under and falls asleep

In the morning, indistinct voices wake him up

???

“Over here are some of our older trees and- what the-“

Jameson turns around to see Mayor Professional Blonde Man (with some other rich gentlemen) right above him

Professional Blonde Man

“Uh... hi-“

Jameson

“HOW’D YOU FIND ME?!”

Professional Blond Man

“Bro, you’re camping in Central Park... ya know, the one in the center...”

Zoom out a bit, and there are tons of families there having a good time

Jameson

“Oh...”

Professional Blond Man

“Yeah, no problem though... keep doing that... I guess”

Jameson flops back down

Jameson

“Dramatic sigh”

Professional Blond Man

“Wait did you just actually say- okay never mind. Follow me gentlemen!”

We zoom into Jameson’s face, looking very depressed

Rich gentlemen

“I do say, what is that wacky stick?”

Professional Blond Man

“Oh that? Some sorcerer relic. Malcom said not to mess with it, so let’s not”

Rich gentlemen

“Okay my fine fellow”

Jameson’s eyes open wide

Jameson

“A what?”

After they leave, Jameson walks over and examines the “stick”

It’s the top half of Warwick’s scepter (Eye of Agoro missing)

Jameson picks it up

Jameson

“What the...”

He squeezes it too hard and it shoots a beam, demolishing a tree

Jameson

“\*squeak\*”

All the park goers are staring at Jameson terrified

Jameson

“\*loud uncomfortable laughter\*”

He runs off

Cut to him walking down a ghetto RV park

Jameson

“This cool stick, this could be my ticket to the biggest victory in the history of Jameson-world! But first, training!”

He walks onto a shooting range, some hillbillies are there

Hillbilly

“What’s that there fancy guy doing here pa?”

Pa

“Hmm... I’m not sure, but that is one fine stick”

Jameson

“Hi, uh... can I borrow this?”

He indicates the shooting range

Pa

“Knock yourself out”

The hillbillies leave, and Jameson lifts up the scepter, shuts his eyes nervously... and squeezes

BANG

The target is obliterated

Jameson

“\*maniacal laugh\* THIS THING IS INCREDI- \*slams it to the ground, it blasts him off\* AAAAAAAAAAAAA-“

He is soaring through the sky, screaming. The gravity  happens and he starts falling

Jameson

“NO! I’M TOO HOT TO DIE!”

He starts plummeting, clutching the scepter close to him. This squeezes it and he suddenly starts slowing down, before hitting the ground very softly. He opens his eyes and looks around, before slowly resuming his maniacal laugh

Jameson

“I AM AN IMMORTAL GOD!”

The hillbillies are back

Pa

“Wowie! That was fancy right ther! You should totally go compete in a tourney!”

Jameson

“Oh don’t worry, I have a better idea...”

He smirks evilly

Angle on Robert’s house

Robert walks outside, heading to CreaTech

An energy beam soars towards him

Robert

“AGH!”

He ducks, the beam hits his car, blowing it up

Robert

“What the- \*gasp\*”

He sees Jameson, now wearing a sorcerer robe

Robert

“I’m so confused... WHAT?! I TALKED TO YOU LIKE YESTERDAY!”

Jameson

“You shouldn’t have rejected my offer, because now I have the power to destroy you!”

He shoots another beam, this one hits Robert’s house, blowing a hole into it

Robert

“Can you stop?!”

Jameson

“No”

Robert

“Oh... great”

Jameson charges up another blast, while Robert runs towards him, fiddling with some small cube he pulled out of his pocket

Jameson

“You’re coming towards me?! GOTCHA NOW!”

Jameson prepares to fire, only for Robert to slide past him, and stick the cube to Jameson’s back

Jameson

“Nope never mind, I keep underestimating your agility”

The cube explodes, blasting Jameson right into a tree

Jameson

“Ow”

Robert taps his wrist, summoning CBot Mini, who lands on his shoulder

CBot Mini

“Hugs and love!”

Jameson fires a couple more beams at Robert, but Robert dodges with the help of CBot Mini

CBot Mini bounces Robert up to his roof, where he activates his home security. Tons of turrets, and big guns come out of every conceivable crevasse

Jameson raises the scepter, only for it fizzle out and die

Jameson (squeaky)

“Ooh”

He gets absolutely annihilated, by all of the defense weapons blasting him

Robert

“THAT’S ENOUGH!”

The weapons all go back into there places

Robert

“Activate house rep are protocol, level 2. And I’ll need a new car...”

The house starts fixing itself, as Robert walks over to check on Jameson

Jameson is lying in a crater

Jameson

“Eeeeeeeegh...”

Robert

“I mean... you survived, so... congratulations...”

Robert begins walking back towards his house

Jameson

“WAIT! I- I- I NEED YOUR HELP \*sobs\*”

Robert

“You are pathetic”

Jameson

“I have no where else to go, \*sniff\* I had to camp in Central Park, not even my own employees will help me anymore, AND I HATE MALCOM SILVA WITH ALL MY HEART AN SOUL!”

Robert

“Well I mean, you gave me a workout. Where’d you get the sorcerer gear?”

Jameson

“The robe was at a costume shop, it breathes! As for the scepter, I found it in Central Park, apparently it was some evil dude’s... BUT WHY’D IT STOP WORKING?!”

Robert

“Hmm... Y’know, I might not be able to help you anymore, but I know someone who can!”

Jameson

“Who?!”

Robert

“Weapons dealer, I’ll go give him a call. Follow me”

Jameson follows him

Jameson

“Oh this is gonna be good”

THE END