Urusai Shindenai (煩​い・死んでない)

煩うるさ​い・死しんんでない (romanized as "Urusai Shindenai"), or Uru for short, was a Gnomish Witch played by Jeb in Crypt of the Everflame. She acted primarily as a suppourt/healer who refused to suppourt or heal characters other than herself.

Notably, Uru had the Jingoist attribute, and Jeb decided to buy the Blood Gift passive during character creation, so she had a total of 10 stamina. Thus, her name translates roughly to "Shut up, I won't die."

Her name also slightly inspired her personality, which, already having jingoist, was quite brusque. And so, yet another Tsundere Loli joins Jeb's history.

## Backstory

Uru claims to be 400 years old. Considering her field of study, the rumoured "Philosophical Stone" said to grant unending life, that may very well be true. Though, her appearance and behaviour lack the wizening one would expect from someone of such antiquity.

For the past decade or so, she had been conducting her research in the township near the Crypt of the Everflame, and she was nearing the end of what she could research there. It was time for her to leave. However, the village elder forced upon her the coming of age ritual. She griped and grumbled, but eventually desisted.

She had thought she was to be the guardian of the group, the "guide" so to speak, but upon her arrival she realized that it had been a mere farce: Not a single one of them was a labyrinth guide nor appointed guardian for the group.

## Character

### Appearance

   For a 400-year-old woman, this Gnome looks closer to 12 by human years. Her splendid cape, that covers her shoulders down to her lower back, as well as her pointy witch's hat worn at a playful angle are a lilac colour that borders on purple. Her eyes are blue. Since one of her eyes is near blind, she wears gold-rimmed glasses with one opaque lens. Underneath her cloak, she wears a spring green summer dress, overtop is a similarly coloured leather breastplate with a high collar. She wears darker green stockings that go up to her thighs, and brown leather low boots. Her whole outfit is harshly contrasted by her long fiery orange hair tied into twintails, and her panties are—

### Personality

Uru absolutely detests anyone who isn't a Gnome, and has a superiority complex to boot. If she appeared any older, she would come off as arrogant and boorish, but since most races see her as a child it is taken more like an endearing childish worldview.
She claims to have had an education, and though her knowledge of magic is quite impeccable, she doesn't know much about anything else. Geography is one of her weakest points, closely followed by her memory of mundane details. Her arrogance is somewhat justified, however, since her magic is quite capable of solving a number of problems and handling a number of situations.
If she does find herself agreeing with someone—usually over a common foe—she tends to grow closer to that individual, but it seems to still do little about her xenophobia, nor does it appear to be a very strong bond that forms. It could be said that her view of her allies is utilitarian at best, though towards non-gnomes she seems more likely to attempt disposing of them than to assist them.
Tsundere? Perhaps. She shows more tsun-tsun than dere-dere, though she seems to have a liking towards bats and black boars. Perhaps that's just her chūnibyō showing.

## Campaign

### Crypt of the Everflame

#### Session 1

After a conflicted start—in which Uru quickly established herself as the superior party member, being 400 years old, having high education, poor history grades, and time magic—they set out to take the Everflame. At some point, she also allowed her to use the nickname “Uru,” and was secretly happy about it.

Her… Less friendly tendencies caused Tank Stamina to throw Farmer Yabram at her. She cast Lascene, flexing her magical ability, redirecting the Keen back at the Black Boar.

When the Porcs showed up, she attempted a second cast, but the psychic strings weren’t  connecting. She began waving her hands to cast Draggin’ Lightning. Then, Namê shouted “that’s not how you cast magic, this is how!”

“You idiot, that’s not how magic works. You’re just waving your hands!”

Ironically, she too was failing at casting her spell, meaning there was functionally no difference in what she and Namê were doing. Seeing him flipping through his Book of Bones, she frowned at him.

“What is that, some sort of triba—inferi—tribalistic ritual?”

After the Porcs attacked the tanks, Uru couldn’t help but make an excuse.

“Why didn’t you guys shout or something? I was surprised, that’s why I couldn’t do anything last round.”

She shot the Porc with her Neural Link Gun, quickly mind controlling it.

“As expected, weak minded. What an idiot. Kill the other ones.”

The Porc began attacking its former allies, as her companions continued to be wholly ineffective (in her eyes).

Seeing a spare moment, Uru took the time to peer into the void for a moment, hoping to find an explanation for her failures—after all, it wasn’t her fault that her first few spells failed, as Gnomes are gods and cannot fail without interference.

Seeing nothing, she cast Witching Hour to finish the fight quickly, and Tank and Sloan finished off the last two Porcs.

While they walked, the college Uru attended came into question. She mentioned it was on “Pthfndr,” and “had Porc in the name.” They ultimately decided for her that it was called Beefend Academy.

“I don’t think that’s right…”

Bored, Uru began casting Petal Pathway to get herself above Tank.

As they continued, she prided herself in predicting that the ground would grow muddy, chiding the rest of the party for not using magic to avoid the slippery terrain.

...She only realized her compromising position she was in shortly after, as the Blackboar called up to her.

“You don’t need to worry about us seeing anything! I’ve already seen and it isn’t anything amazing!”

The rather unusually strong updraft also became a concern of hers later.

“Geez, why don’t they make magic to prevent skirt filpping…”

Later, after passing through a few rooms, the conversation turned to witches and why they had multiple brooms. Uru, being a witch herself, interrupted, mentioning that witches don’t fly on their brooms. They teleport.

When they reached the shut door, Namê asked Uru if she could teleport through the door.

“I need to place a rune to teleport. What, you think I can just place a rune through the keyhole or… something…”

She began peering through the keyhole, before realizing there was no keyhole. Then, she retreated to the ceiling, criticising the others for walking on the ground and setting off traps.

After watching her allies try to solve the puzzle, she grew impatient again.

“Ugh, we need a bigger dumber brute. Where’s the bigger, dumber brute spell…”

She began flipping through her spellbook, and as she grew continually more frustrated a ball of dark death magic gathered around her spellbook.

Not finding the spell, she threw the book at the door out of frustration.

“Ugh, it’s not here!”

It hit the door, setting off an explosion.[1] When the energy cleared, the door was still standing… But everything around it was gone. Seeing as the walls besides the door were gone, it was a simple matter to walk around the lintel into the next room.

After complaining that she needed to pass the “coming of age” so she could drink again—she hadn’t had a drop in 20 years—Yabram offered her moonshine. After seeing Tank down a few draughts, she herself downed a bottle.

Immediately succumbing to the alcohol, she began crying and wailing. Tank picked her up from where she was lying face flat on the ground, holding her on his shoulder and patting her back.

He was still carrying her when they next entered combat. She had long since puked the alcohol out of her system, and was indulging herself in being carried.

Then, Tank smashed the crap out of himself. Figuring it would be beneficial, she cast Holy Light to heal him and pretended to wake up.

“Hey, put me down! Or..” She noticed the size of the beetle. “On second thought, don’t. I don’t want to be anywhere near that thing.”

Then the Keen jumped real high and force fed her a mushroom that really got her going. She felt as if her next spell would be extremely powerful… Or that it could kill her.

When the beetle died, Uru was glad and prompted Tank to hasten out.

They entered the blindness room, and she cast Seek Destiny to try and regain her sight. Despite Farmer’s buff allowing her to double-cast, It didn’t work.

“Hey, can you teach me that?” asked Namê

“W-why would I teach do that?! Stupid Dwelfs. Just because you can see and I can’t?! People wearing glasses can be gods too!”

Namê began describing the room as they walked, though it wasn’t helpful so they left.

Descending the stairs, they entered the round room with three exits. It was only at this point that Uru realized the Crypt of the Everflame was a maze. Reading the inscriptions on the pillar, she finally disembarked Tank’s shoulder and sat on her petals to keep reading.

Hearing the screams, Namê made a remark:

“Are they killing themselves up there?”

“I don’t think big things and small things get along very well, so probably,” replied Uru.

“Well, you know what the Black Boar said. Survival of the intelligent,” finished Sloan.

Hearing further screams, Uru was certain.

“Yeah, they’re definitely killing each other.”

Finishing reading the inscriptions, Uru, Sloan, and Namê entered the room to the South to the room of rest.

“Hey, did either of you see a bathroom or anything on the way in?”

“There’s water here.”

“I am not not pissing in the sacred spring! I-I mean, I don’t want to contaminate it.”

Seeing as there was a bench, Uru went off to find a chamber pot. When she returned, she drank some water and washed her hands. In that order.

#### Session 2

After deciding to abandon Farmer, with a scathing remark of “I could heal them, but I don’t want to. Gnomes are the only race that deserves to live, anyway,” Urusai followed Namê into the next room.

They discussed ghosts for a while, with Sloan mentioning the book she had read about them. Uru claimed that ghosts didn’t exist, claiming that there were only zombies.

When Sloan mentioned the title of the book at Namê’s request, the title, “Ghosts and Other Incorporeal Creatures and Where to Find them,” Uru commented that the title was stupid. Namê mentioned that the story was silly, and that the sequel dragged on a bit long, and Uru responded with her agreement—then, she rapidly covered her tracks.

“I-it’s not like I read the book or anything…”

Then, Zombies actually attacked and combat began. Uru opened with her Neural Link Gun, causing one zombie hit another. After the explosion, she healed the gemling.

“What even caused that explosion? Geez, calm down!”

Namê responded.

“Ah think these aren’t flesh zombies. Ah think they’re made of explosives.”

“Geez, what are these weird green exploding monsters? They’re just zombies.”

Another zombie exploded, spurring on the conversation about whether they were ghosts or zombies. Uru flipped through her spellbook, complaining that there was nothing to do.

“Ugh, I’m a healer. Why am I even here? You guys never take damage.”

The then blood covered Sloan retorted.

“I’m damaged. I’m at half health.”

“You’re not damaged enough.”

“What do you mean, I’m bloodied!”

“That doesn’t exist! What do you think this is, Pthfndr?”

Namê also joined the argument to convince Uru that Sloan was, indeed, covered in blood. Then, a zombie right next to Sloan exploded.

They entered the next room, which had a large pool in the center. The murals on the wall had been scorched beyond recognition by what appeared to be fire.

“It’s probably a naga or tentacle monster or something… Or a fire hydrant?”

Then, as a blind rage overcame Uru due to the pool’s influence, Tank charged at her. She reflexively snapped her fingers to teleport. The last rune she had place was one room back.

She saw the Dwarf charging her.

“Ugh, I’ve had enough.”

She readied her broom and spellbook. Arcane light plants began sparking around her as she charged her magic. Then, she blasted Sloan with Draggin Lightning… Or so she thought. A torpedo came flying at her.

Uru quickly teleported to her rune, blasting Sloan from behind.[2]

“Now starve.”

Using her Scroll of Magic Stone, Uru summoned a wall around Sloan.

[3]

As an ice storm began brewing, Uru cast Lascene to make a hasty exit from the room. And pick up and drop Sloan for good measure.

Finally, the charm wore off.

“Ugh, I didn’t kill them. It was the perfect opportunity…”

Everyone having calmed down, they had a brief chat about nothing significant in the pool room, then continued into the next room. It was similar to the previous catacombs, but with the sound of birds chirping.

Continuing to flip through her notes, Uru finally realized how to complete the research project she had been working on for some time now: The Philosophical Stone.[4]

“Oh, that’s how it works… I had a minus when I needed a plus.”

After the combat, she spent some time “teaching” Namê how to flip through research notes properly. She was sad that they had to kill the bats, because “Bats are cooler than wolves because… Well, they’re cooler, aren’t they?”

Mid-battle, that argument had convinced Namê, so perhaps it had some ground.

Entering the next room and seeing the murals of people with swords and spear, Uru was taken aback.

‘Spears and shields? Who uses those anymore.”

They got into an argument about who was to cross first. The party was in favour of Uru crossing first, as she had Petal Pathway (and refused to let anyone else cross on her petals). But she wasn’t having it.

“I’m not stupid, I know how this works. I’ve done it tons of times. It’s the best way to ditch someone in a dungeon.”

They watched as the Keen made his way across the bridge, and the statues attacked. While he was traversing the trial, they had an argument about who would be able to push whom into the chasm. They also argued about why gnomes were the superior race.

“Miniaturization is the way of the future… But, you can’t go too small, like that Keen. Watch, he’s probably going to die. You have to achieve a perfect balance between a body big enough to not die easily, and small enough to be extremely efficient. And that’s what gnomes are. This is what peak performance looks like. You may not like it, but that’s what it is.”

Namê began attempting his crossing, avoiding the pressure plate on their second attempt.

“You guys are overcomplicating things. It’s not that hard to get over. You just,” Uru snapped her fingers. “—do this. Git good.”

She had, of course, teleported across the chasm with ease.

After Farmer got his dogs across the chasm, they entered the room with with the coffin and dry laughter echoing from inside the tomb.

“Oh a skeleton. Hey, does healing magic hurt skeletons in this world?”

Then, they began discussing the Everflame and skeleton man’s space program. Uru expressed interest in joining, though she didn’t want to die. Because of the Philosophical Stone being complete, she also claimed to already be Ageless.

After realizing the Ageless ritual was beginning, Uru snapped her fingers, teleporting back to the room with the bridge and the statues. Then, she left the Tomb of the Everflame as the rest of the party were having their flesh melted off.

## OOC

Character Sheet

Uru received her legendary near the end of session 2. [4]
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While making the character art, Jeb was inspired by the Raynel thumbnail he used on the character sheet. However, because the image was drawn with a breeze blowing, it ended up feeling slightly lacking. Add in the fact that Uru has blue eyes, and Jeb doesn't actually have any artistic talent, the result was... interesting.

### References

[1]Special ability of the Blood Gift card, usable once per game

[2] Nat 20 and Sloan was at low health.

[3] Second roll to decharm. Still failed.

[4] Succeeded at Seek Destiny after rolling a natural 1 that was changed to a 20 by Namê (played by Zerxrez), resulting in Arcane granting Uru’s legendary