Sonic The Hedgehog

The *Sonic* series has caused Tomo all of the pain in her life, yet all of the joy at the same time. Although the series has gone downhill in the past few years, and all SEGA cares about is said dead series, one autist still defends it and the company behind it like a mothafucka. I ain't talkin' bout chicken n' gravy, biatch. Her name is Tomo. Even though she can recognize a shitty game when she sees one, she completely ignores the shitty games in the series and plays *Sonic Adventure* all day like the lazy fucker she is, and continues defending it. This is most likely because it's SEGA's biggest franchise, and she has literally sworn to defend SEGA until they go bankrupt after *Sonic Boom 6235284726: Rise of Mario?* and the world ends. I ain't talkin' bout chicken n' gravy, biatch. But why does Tomo defend SEGA? It's because of *Jet Set Radio*, *Space Channel 5*, the Dreamcast, *Fighting* *Vipers*, *ChuChu* *Rocket*, *NiGHTS*, pre-2006 *Sonic* games, and the list goes on. Or maybe this is all just nostalgia, but who knows for sure? Okay, it probably isn't nostalgia since the only SEGA games Tomo was exposed to as a kid were Wii-era *Sonic* games and she didn't have a Dreamcast until 2016. But that isn't on-topic, this is a *Sonic* article, not a SEGA article. Other facts about Tomo regarding *Son The Hedge* include the fact that she's been a fan long enough to have watched AMVs in like 2008 or 2009, when she was little she put a Sonic plush in a doll dress, that she can sing along to My Sweet Passion, and that she once tried to fit in with other girls by imitating the girls she saw on TV with crushes, and pretended to have a crush on Sonic himself.

## What the fuck is this series, anyways?

Okay, letz see... Ya Mom shoulda told ya, I covered theories on Amy, Knuckles, Shadow, Gamma, Eggman, Sonics speed, Sonics fanbase, n' April Fool's--uh, I mean, creepypasta. Ya Mom shoulda told ya, I basically done tha majoritizzle of tha main Sonic characters. Except Tails fo' realz. Almost forgot bout his muthafuckin ass fo' realz. Alright, I guess itz Tails' time ta shine!

Wuz crackalackin' everyone, GamerGuyd7Aces here, n' welcome ta another episode of Sonic Theory. When you be thinkin of Milez "Tails" Prower, you be thinkin of dis thugged-out lil two-tailed fox whoz not only Sonics loyal sidekick yo, but a straight-up intelligent characta whose IQ n' prowess rivals Doctor Eggman his dirty ass yo. His relationshizzle wit Sonic has always been thought of as brotherly yo, but his fuckin loyalty towardz Sonic can be rather intimate at times, and, unlike Sonic, up in tha vizzle game canon, Tails has never had a single ludd interest. Now, first, letz start wit a keen observation, durin a traila cutscene up in Sonic Generations. In dis cutscene, tha Time Eata approaches, n' we peep funky-ass Sonic n' Tails standin next ta they modern counterparts, preparin ta grill dat shit. What tha fuck iz at first glizzle a throwaway blasted showin Tails' fear n' Sonics resolve turns tha fuck into suttin' mo' complex tha mo' you peep dat shit. Look carefully all up in tha blasted up in question. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Funky-Ass Sonic braces his dirty ass, tha pimpin' muthafucka throws his hand back up in surprise, while funky-ass Tails moves in, his wild lil' fuckin eyes trapped up in awe all up in tha sight before his muthafuckin ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Standin next ta them, we peep a similar erection from modern Sonic yo, but a cold-ass lil straight-up different one from modern Tails. Tails runs up ta Sonic, n' embraces him, up in fear, while Sonic reaches back ta protect him, a gesture one of mah thugs may do ta protect n' reassure his fuckin loved one from dark shiznit n' shit. It aint nuthin but Tails' erection dat pushes dis beyond simple thang. Between tha funky-ass n' modern eras, a legit relationshizzle has sprung up between tha oldschool playas. Now, before our laid-back asses jump ta conclusions, letz look back at a shitload of tha signs over tha muthafuckin years dat our rainbow-tinted nostalgia gogglez of hindsight can give our asses freshly smoked up perspectizzle on, startin wit Sonic Da Hedgehog 2. Once again, I be goin solely on game canon, excludin tha comics n' tha two televizzle series, Sonic SatAM, n' Adventurez of Sonic tha Hedgehog, one of which had Tails turn tha fuck into a funky-ass busty hoe without so much of a glizzle of intrigue from Sonic. Now, wit only tha vizzle game canon our crazy asses have, our slick asses left ta fill up in tha gaps bout how tha fuck Sonic befriended dis two-tailed fox. They kicked it wit somewhere on hood Mobius between tha two games, n' when Doctor Robotnik launched his second attempt ta gather tha Chaos Emeralds, Sonic enlisted his wild lil' playaz help ta stop tha mad egg-shaped man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. They run all up in tha meadows n' jump on springs, havin tha time of they lives on they quest ta stop Robotnik, becomin closer n' closer as they go fo' realz. At tha end of tha game, Sonic stops Robotnikz plans, n' runs from tha collapsin Dirtnap Egg, jumpin up tha fuck into nothingness, just up in tha nick of time. Tails, worried on tha ground, acts fast n' revs up tha Tornado wit tha help of his Flicky playas, n' together, they manage ta catch Sonic as he falls, savin his wild lil' freakadelic game. Of course, dis is if you don't git all of tha Chaos Emeraldz or so fo' realz. All of dis goes along ta a movin lil tune dat most playas don't give a fuck has lyrics. Yes, tha endin theme of Sonic 2 was given a early 90z ludd cold lil' woo wop called Sweet Dream up in Gangsta, n' Sweet Sweet Sweet up in Japanese, n' was performed by tha group, Trips Come True. Da cold lil' woo wop was freestyled by tha gamez composer, Masato Nakamura. In a rap battle, da perved-out muthafucka holla'd dat da thug freestyled dis cold lil' woo wop wit tha express scam of also havin tha crew version ta make tha game feel like mo' of a porno. While he may not have intended fo' tha endin ta imply a ludd connection between Sonic n' Tails, dat don't make it any less strikin when you dig dat shit. It aint nuthin but a cold lil' woo wop of two freaks, pure n' simple. It aint nuthin but also possible dat he may not have known Tails was a thug characta all up in tha time da thug freestyled tha beatz. Drop dis like itz hot! Regardless of whether tha relationshizzle was intentionizzle or not, itz straight-up hard ta peep dat endin as platonic afta hearin tha full version wit lyrics. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So what tha fuck is goin' down between them, biatch? At tha end of Sonic 2, afta adventurin together n' savin all of they animal playaz from Doctor Robotnik, Tails realizes dat he fallen fo' Sonic yo. Dude wants ta take they thang ta tha next level yo, but tha pimpin' muthafucka too afraid of how tha fuck Sonic might react ta approach tha subject wit his muthafuckin ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sonic may or may not be pickin up on these vibes fo' realz. As Supa Sonic, he flies alongside tha Tornado, instead of on tha wing, where his schmoooove ass can rap wit Tails. Tails never gets tha chizzle ta outright admit his vibe cuz Supa Sonic decides ta move on ahead of tha Tornado, flyin straight tha fuck into Angel Island, without Tails. Now, dependin on which timeline theory you accept, Sonic CD is either a precursor ta Sonic 2 as evidenced only by tha secret image found on tha disk, or you accept tha "official" timeline, dat Segaz Ken Balough implied, makin Sonic CD a precursor ta Sonic 4: Episode I. Either way, three facts is apparent: Tails is missing, we introduced ta Amy Rose, n' dis takes place before Sonic Adventure. Okay, now, letz rap bout tha erotomaniac named Amy fo' realz. Amy Rose is tha straight-up original gangsta biatch ludd interest fo' Sonic, at least, dat juiced it up tha fuck into tha final games. Da moment she lays eyes on him, Amy throws her arms round Sonic yo, but tha playa is forced ta run away from her n' shit. Dat hoe kidnapped by Metal Sonic, n' Sonic, despite not straight-up carin fo' her, is honorbound ta play tha pimp n' save her n' shit. To Sonic, dis is his chizzle ta play tha knight up in shinin armor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. If his schmoooove ass can save her n' stop Robotnik without tha help of Tails or Knuckles, his schmoooove ass can prove ta his dirty ass dat da perved-out muthafucka straight son! Da problem is, da ruffneck don't straight-up gots nuff props fo'Amy. Da game try ta play it off like tha pimpin' muthafucka too lil' ta KNOW ludd or dat he just simply grossed up by her like a lil pimp might be afraid of cooties. Put ya muthafuckin choppers up if ya feel dis! This scam is supported by tha fact dat afta savin her, da perved-out muthafucka simply sets her down n' runs away from her as fast as his schmoooove ass can. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. We lata learn up in Sonic Adventure dat he straight-up just annoyed by her prescence, n' like simply wants not a god damn thang ta do wit her n' shit. It aint nuthin but not cootizzles or naivety, he is just not horny bout her romantically yo. Dude is pissed off by tha salp-to-the-face realization dat he may not be tha fuck into dem hoes afta all, n' aches ta run alongside his oldschool playa once mo' n' mo' n' mo'. Dat punk just too ashamed ta grill him, n' too afraid ta grill tha demons within his dirty ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So he gotta keep hustlin, n' go on a solo trip ta find his dirty ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sadly, it don't last long, as game has a gangbangin' funky way of makin his ass grill his shits again, n' again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo ass can't run forever n' shit. If Sonic CD takes place as most hustlas think, between tha straight-up original gangsta game n' tha second, then, immediately afta hustlin from Amy, he meets his freshly smoked up playa, Tails. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Someone he'd rather be around, one of mah thugs his schmoooove ass can be his dirty ass around, one of mah thugs whoz ass will smoke chili dawgs wit his ass n' collect rings. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, when Tails admits his fuckin ludd fo' Sonic all up in tha end of 3, Sonic is up in tha same boat. Da only difference is that, up in his cold-ass timeline, he already knows da ruffneck don't straight-up gots nuff props fo'girls before tails confesses. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sonic still has ta do tha only thang he knows how tha fuck ta do n' run from his thugged-out lil' problems on a quest ta find his dirty ass. Da first half of tha Sonic 4 saga has Sonic by his dirty ass yo. Dude needz a return ta form ta clear his head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! To run all up in tha meadows n' jump on springs, all by his dirty ass, just like tha phat oldschool days. But his thugged-out ass is empty. Well shiiiit, it drags his ass down wit guilt fo' how tha fuck he abandoned Tails. Da freshly smoked up dark shiznit up in his wild lil' freakadelic game require dat da perved-out muthafucka swallow his thugged-out lil' pride fo' tha last time up in his wild lil' freakadelic game. Little Hood from Sonic CD is back, n' dis time, he needz help ta take up Doctor Robotnik yo. Dude returns ta Tails' workshop ta make amends, cuz he needz his help yo. Dude is surprised ta learn dat Tails was one step ahead of him, n' was already buildin a rocket ta help Sonic save tha day. It make me wanna hollar playa! Da gesture touches Sonics ass, knowin dat even afta abandonin his thugged-out lil' pal, Tails was right there waitin fo' his ass ta come back. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sonic is torn by his own vibe yo. Dude  drops some lyrics ta tha lil' fox dat he just wants ta be playaz yo. Dude just wants ta be by his side again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Everythang starts off just fine n' tha two is gettin along just like oldschool times yo, but thangs eventually git awkward between dem wild-ass muthafuckas. Durin tha final momentz of tha game, Sonic n' Tails share a escape pod dat sendz dem right tha fuck into tha freshly smoked up Dirtnap Egg up in space, yet, durin they escape from tha Dirtnap Egg, they take different podz fo' realz. Afta tha eventz of Sonic 4: Episode Pt II, Sonics afraid dat he may not be locked n loaded ta be dat close ta Tails again, so tha pimpin' muthafucka  drops some lyrics ta his thugged-out lil' pal dat he needz a vacation, n' decides ta go off on his own adventure yo. Dude runs from his dopest playa n' his own vibe once again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Gotta go fast son! Da moment he arrives up in tha straight-up happenin' Station Square, Sonic runs tha fuck into shit. Trouble seems ta follow his ass wherever he goes fo' realz. Afta stoppin a freshly smoked up watery threat, da perved-out muthafucka spendz tha followin dizzle chillaxin near tha beach, when da perved-out muthafucka sees Tails crash tha Tornado off up in tha distizzle yo. Dude may done been a lil afraid ta be near his ass yo, but dat schmoooove muthafucka had ta save his wild lil' playa yo, but it ain't no stoppin cause I be still poppin'. Da Adventure game have da most thugged-out characta pimpment up in tha whole series, so there be a shitload ta digest here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Tails is blurry-eyed, recoverin from his wreck, n' looks up ta find none other than Sonic tha Hedgehog offerin a hand ta help his muthafuckin ass. Fate had brought dem together again, it seemed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Sonics no fool n' quickly picks up on this, decidin ta keep his fuckin lil' distizzle as they collect tha Chaos Emeralds. Every level they grill together, Sonic tries ta keep his fuckin lil' distizzle from Tails yo. Dude laughs it off, callin it a playful race yo, but Tails realizes itz cuz Sonic is tryin ta stay tha fuck away from his vibe fo' realz. Afterwards, tha repaired Tornado gets blasted down by tha Egg Carrier, causin a touchin lil memory ta play up in Tails' mind, remindin his dirty ass of why he fell tha fuck fo' Sonic ta begin with. Da simplicitizzle of hustlin all up in tha woodz together, no drama, no outside influence, just tha two of dem havin tha time of they lives, just admirin Sonic from behind, dopest playaz yo. Dude decides ta fix up his thugged-out lil' prototype of tha Tornado-2, and, his thugged-out ass be damned, try ta forget his vibe fo' Sonic yo. Dude runs off on his own, hopin dat tha next time he runs tha fuck into Sonic, it can be as tha playa he needs, n' not a god damn thang mo' n' mo' n' mo'. Tails chases down tha Egg Carrier up in tha Tornado-2, locked n loaded ta save tha dizzle on his own yo, but happens ta come across Sonic on tha way, so they fly towardz tha Egg Carrier together n' shiznit fo' realz. Afta a rough crash-landing, tha two run all up in tha skydeck ta try ta git ta Robotnik, n' Tails findz dat they time apart wasn't nearly as progressive fo' Sonic as dat shiznit was fo' his muthafuckin ass. Once again, Sonics turned they mission tha fuck into a race yo. Dude  drops some lyrics ta his dirty ass dat his schmoooove ass can be strong. There aint so much Sonic tryin ta run from his ass as it is Sonic hustlin from his dirty ass, n' he realizes it yo. Dude be thinkin dat schmoooove muthafucka has every last muthafuckin thang under control, until Amy Rose shows up. Da jealousy is instant. While Tails was away, Sonic runs tha fuck into Amy n' gets roped tha fuck into takin her on a thugged-out date ta Twinkle Park. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sonic still findz dat da thug wants not a god damn thang ta do wit tha wild-ass girl, even afta all dis time yo, but her saves her once more, keepin his wild lil' fuckin wack distance. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sonic is now sure, once n' fo' all, dat he not horny bout hoes. When tha two playas afta his thugged-out ass finally hook up face-to-face on tha Egg Carrier, he gets trippin like a muthafucka. Despite not sayin a word bout it, tha pimpin' muthafucka be thinkin they puttin his ass on tha spot, makin his ass chizzle once n' fo' all. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Should he force his dirty ass ta be wit Amy cuz itz tha right thang ta do, biatch? Or should he open his thugged-out ass, n' follow his bangin rainbow, biatch? Instead, his schmoooove ass chizzlez neither n' shiznit yo. Dude  drops some lyrics ta Tails ta take Amy ta safety while he runs off afta Eggman ridin' solo. If his schmoooove ass can just focus on tha mission at hand, he might be able ta forget bout his thugged-out ass. Meanwhile, Tails n' Amy is ridin' solo together fo' tha last time. They immediately regista each other as rivals up in ludd yo, but Tails is done fighting. Rather than fightin Eggman together, Sonic ditched his ass once again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. That was tha last straw. Tails decides he straight-up need ta be his own fox ta be phat fo' his dirty ass. Dat punk a phat independent fox pimp whoz ass don't need no hedgehog yo. Dude leaves Amy by her muthafuckin ass on a street corner ta chase down Robotnikz last-minute effort ta fuck wit Station Square n' saves tha dizzle all by his dirty ass. Dat punk so proud, he runs round up in a victory march while tha playa hataz of Station Square cheer his ass on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dat punk done dat shit. Dat punk validated his dirty ass yo. Dude saved tha dizzle n' did all dat shiznit without Sonic yo. Dude don't need Sonic any more, n' Sonic don't need his muthafuckin ass... Or so tha pimpin' muthafucka  drops some lyrics ta his dirty ass. When Angel Island falls again, Tails  drops some lyrics ta his ass tha shitty shizzle n' tha two act professionally up in rockin tha emeraldz ta stop Perfect Chaos. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sonic takes off tha fuck into tha sunset afta Robotnik, n' Tails don't chase his muthafuckin ass yo. Dude lets his ass go. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sonic need ta go on a trip fo' his dirty ass. Tails hopes dat Sonic will eventually open his thugged-out ass, n' once da ruffneck do, itz goin ta be aiiiight. But it still hurts Tails deep inside; dat lil part of his ass dat still loves Sonic yo. His cold lil' woo wop up in tha game skits all up in tha end of his story, wit lyrics dat sound of a high school hoe wit a cold-ass lil crush on tha coolest muthafucka up in class. But da ruffneck done wit dis shit. Dat punk finally locked n loaded ta git ahold of his wild lil' freakadelic game, n' start a trip of his own. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Everythang be a funky-ass brave freshly smoked up challenge fo' his ass yo, but da thug will believe up in his dirty ass cuz dis is tha only start fo' his muthafuckin ass. This is tha time fo' his ass ta git over his crush, n' move on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Some time passes, n' Sonics straight-up startin ta come ta terms wit his dirty ass. Dat punk a gay hedgehog, n' thatz all gravy yo. His next adventure starts his ass off wit a freshly smoked up leaf on game, embracin whoz ass he be n' truly feelin free fo' tha straight-up last time. Dat punk gotta follow his bangin rainbow, as he runs all up in a cold-ass lil hood thatz clearly inspired by San Frankieco, knockin up any homophobic opposizzle from tha posse on his way yo. Dude can't stick round wit his oldschool vibe of horny-ass insecurity, dat schmoooove muthafucka has ta keep movin on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Therez no spittin some lyrics ta what tha fuck lies ahead yo, but there be a only one way ta smoke up, n' thatz ta follow his bangin rainbow. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So he runs, followin his bangin rainbow n' hustlin from tha law, until da perved-out muthafucka stopped dead up in his cold-ass tracks by his thugged-out antithesis, a gay-hating, lab-grown, ultra-hetero hedgehog named Shadow. Just as Sonic has accepted his dirty ass, Shadow comes up in n' thangs his straight-up right ta existence. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sonic calls his ass fake yo, but Shadow insists dat Sonics tha fake. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Shadow, tha representation of heterosexuality, say dat he is tha illest gameform, tha only legit way fo' realz. Accordin ta him, Sonic is unnatural, n' a abomination ta all hedgehogkind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Throughout tha entire game, tha two is buttin heads. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sonic sees Shadow as a fucked up representation of his oldschool self fo' realz. A shadow, if you will. This shadow represents all dat schmoooove muthafucka hates bout his closeted self, n' worse, Sonic still has dat reputation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dat punk up n' proud as a muthafucka now yo, but mah playas from Amy ta tha military agency hustlin his ass still sees his ass as Shadow yo. Dude sets up ta erect dat but he is captured n' thrown on lockdown by a homophobic military. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Shadow, however, is scorned n' up fo' revenge afta tha dirtnap of female, human love, Maria. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Seein Sonic act so carefree, open, n' locked n loaded ta ludd sets his ass on edge, cuz he under tha impression dat tha only ludd up in tha ghetto is tha kind he once had; hetero-beastialitizzle yo. Dude can't accept it bein any other way so dat schmoooove muthafucka holdz a underground vendetta against Sonic, while all up in tha same time fightin against his ass ta make his illest plan come true. When Tails hears tha shizzle on dis strange freshly smoked up technologizzle called satellite TV, he make haste up in tha Tornado-2 ta rescue Sonic yo, but is shocked dat Amy beat his ass there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho yo. How tha fuck dare she loot dis opportunitizzle away from him! Dude may have gots his self-respect up in tha last game, decidin da thug was over Sonic yo, but his schmoooove ass couldn't let his crazy-ass moment of need go by yo. Dude has ta clear his wild lil' first lovez name, n' if dat means bustin his ass outta tha slamma, so be dat shit. Tails rescues Amy from Robotnik yo, but insists dat his thugged-out lil' punk-ass be tha one ta save Sonic, n' dat Amy should bounce back ta tha doggy den. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. Amy runs along anyways, still under tha illusion dat dat thugged-out biiiatch can turn Sonic straight yo, but dat freaky freaky biatch aint kicked it wit tha freshly smoked up Sonic yet fo' realz. Amy reaches tha jail cell before Tails, n' afta a funky-ass brief interaction, we peep dat Sonic still wants not a god damn thang ta do wit her n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch even offers Sonic a thugged-out deal ta fuck her but da perved-out muthafucka say "no way!" Amy opens tha cell, n' moves on wit tha plot yo, but as soon as Sonic findz up what tha fuck he need ta know, he runs from her, makin it clear where da perved-out muthafucka standz fo' realz. Afta dis scene, Amy starts ta back off her pursuit of Sonic a lil. Tails be a freshly smoked up fox, whoz ass don't need no dude, so when it comes ta Sonic, tha pimpin' muthafucka tries ta remain purely professional. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack yo. Dude wanted ta save Sonic cuz itz tha right thang ta do, not cuz it'll score his ass points... Or so tha pimpin' muthafucka  drops some lyrics ta his dirty ass. Da two keep they distizzle fo' tha whole game, they don't even act as playas. Da only time they eva together is when they gotta chase tha prez. Even then, they act as if itz strictly bidnizz, n' part ways once again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. They can't stand ta be round each other cuz tha tension is too much fo' dem ta handle. This all comes ta a cold-ass lil climax all up in tha end of tha game on tha Space Colony ARK. Tails n' Amy is left ta peep from tha relatizzle safety of tha ship, as Sonic n' Shadow put they differences aside ta fight fo' they lives, n' tha livez of all mobians against a cold-ass lil common enemy. By now, Shadow has bigged up by gettin his thugged-out ass beaten all dem times, dat Sonic bein gay is perfectly fine, n' maybe even superior ta his own closed-minded conservatizzle self, though, he'd be too proud as a muthafucka ta admit dat shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sonic don't hold a grudge, knowin from experience dat it takes time ta accept these thangs, n' they put they differences aside ta save tha ghetto. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! But fuck dat shiznit yo, tha word on tha street is dat Shadow don't make dat shit. They save tha ghetto yo, but all up in tha assumed cost of Shadowz game. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sonic returns ta tha shizzle ta greet solemn faces as everyone, includin Amy n' Tails, mourn fo' they fallen frenemy. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sonic holdz his chin up, though, n' offers lyrics of encouragement, finally acknowledgin dat Shadow was a legit hedgehog. mah playas has a moment of on tha down-low reflection on tha chizzlez up in they lives, wit even Doctor Robotnik findin lyrics of encouragement from Tails. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Shadow may done been a homophobic dick yo, but up in tha end, his thugged-out lil' punk-ass brought mah playas together n' shit. Despite puttin on a funky-ass brave face, Tails' ass is broken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude realizes dat it could have just as easily been Sonic whoz ass died, n' decides dat holdin a grudge n' bein mad salty be a waste of a game. Dat shiznit was time ta forgive Sonic fo' hustlin up on his ass n' truly trip off just bein by his side. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sonics locked n loaded ta grill Tails again, like a muthafucka. Life is too short ta run away from yo' playas. Yo ass should run beside them, together, towardz tha same ol' dirty goals. They return home together, unsure of what tha fuck they future holdz yo, but locked n loaded fo' anything, cuz, fo' tha last time up in months, they is truly at each otherz sides. Live n' learn, or so they say. Da two decizzle ta ride together, just like oldschool times yo, but as playas. They learn ta be round each other, once more, without havin tha tension. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. They can be hommies without it bein awkward once again, just like when they first kicked it wit all dem muthafuckin years ago. One day, Sonic offers ta git a night up together, just his ass n' Tails yo. Dude decides ta take Tails ta tha sickest fuckin, top billin offerin up in tha ghetto, or, outta dis ghetto; Eggmanz Incredible Interstellar Amusement Park. Tails be awestruck all up in tha gesture n' buckwild ta spend time ridin' solo wit Sonic fo' tha last time up in ages, n' Sonic swears up n' down dat dis aint a thugged-out date yo. Dude did admit dat it put Amyz Twinkle Park date ta shame, though... Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sonic turns ta Tails as they approach tha landing, n' says, "just take mah hand, we gonna reach fo' tha stars tonight." Tails reluctantly grabs his hand n' together they explore tha dunkadelic amusement park dat they have all ta theyselves. Danger lurks its head round tha corner as soon as they arrive when they witnizz some aliens bein captured by Robotnik fo' use up in his newest evil plot; a giant mind-control beam he aims ta use on tha entire hood below. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sonic n' Tails help each other up as they work ta stop Robotnikz plan, beatin tha livin shiznit outta one mechanical menace afta another n' shiznit fo' realz. At one point up in tha story, they thang is straight-up put ta tha test. They just finally rebuilt it ta what tha fuck dat shiznit was muthafuckin years ago yo, but, Robotnik, bein a gay hedgehog-hatin asshole, has a plan ta fuck up dis bond n' ultimately defeat Sonic yo. Dude wants ta bust a prototype of his crazy-ass mind-control beam on Sonic ta make his ass do his hetero-bidding. But Tails' ass jumps tha fuck into his cold-ass throat n' he manages ta knock his fuckin ludd outta dangerz way. This thangs up in dis biatch up in Tails bein hit wit tha beam. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sonic don't give a fuck how tha fuck ta react yo. Dude refuses ta hurt his wild lil' playa yo, but it ain't no stoppin cause I be still poppin'. Luckily, before Sonic is forced ta cook up a unforgivable decision, tha beam runs outta juice n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sonic catches Tails up in his thugged-out arms, n' afta makin shizzle he aiiight, they gotz a quick laugh all up in tha thang before Sonic goes off ta defeat Robotnik again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. It aint nuthin but one thang ta trap his thugged-out animal playaz up in robotic shells yo, but you dare threaten ta break his ass apart from Tails?! This time, itz personal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sonic defeats Robotnik, not just fo' his dirty ass yo, but up in a victory fo' all gay muthafuckas everywhere whoz ass dared ta be theyselves. By tha end of tha game, Sonic n' Tails have grown closer than ever, set ta tha horny-ass backdrop of da most thugged-out straight-up dope park, dope thugged-out freshly smoked up aliens, n' savin tha dizzle together just like oldschool times. Tails finally allows his thugged-out ass ta beat once mo' n' mo' n' mo'. Tails proved up in his heroic moment dat tha pimpin' muthafucka truly loved Sonic, n' Sonic finally reciprocated dat by avengin Tails n' whoopin Robotnik fo' tryin ta tear dem apart. They reached fo' tha stars, aiiiight, n' found suttin' magical; legit love. Which brangs our asses back ta Generations n' dat thugged-out blasted of Sonic protectin tha ludd of his wild lil' freakadelic game. Their trip was incredible n' had its ups n' downs yo, but they juiced it up all up in together n' shit. In tha end, they hustlin side-by-side, hand-in-hand, just how tha fuck it should have been. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Confrontin they past, n' relivin all of they brightest n' darkest moments up in Sonic Generations only steeled resolve dat they vibe was legit n' just. When they part ways wit they past selves all up in tha end of tha game, Sonic gives his thugged-out lil' past self a thumbs-up, n' up in a straight-up forced tone of positivity, chokin back tha guilt of all tha hustlin his thugged-out lil' past self has yet ta do, he offers simple lyrics of encouragement.

So there you have it, folks fo' realz. A way how tha fuck Sonic Da Hedgehog can display a positizzle n' accurate representation of homosapienitizzle up in gaming, other than Mass Effect yo. His strugglez was real, n' identifiable wit mah playas whoz eva explored they vibe, n' been scared of what tha fuck they found, just as dat schmoooove muthafucka had all kindsa muthafuckin times before. But just like Sonic, you can embrace dem vibe, n' turn dat hustlin tha fuck into suttin' positive. Run towardz yo' goals n' whoz ass you straight-up are, don't run away from dem wild-ass muthafuckas. Run towardz dem n' be free--follow yo' rainbow! Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck knew all these allegories could be hidden up in kids' games, biatch? Well, as Joss Whedon once holla'd, "all worthy work is open ta interpretations dat tha lyricist did not intend." And aint dat tha whole point of these Sonic theories, biatch? To interpret a cold-ass lil character, story, or piece of work, up in a way dat make sense, n' speaks ta playas from all struttz of game, even if dat wasn't tha original gangsta intention, biatch? Well, give props ta goodnizz fo' that, cuz dat is why Sonic could possibly be tha dopest representation of self-acceptizzle eva ta grace a platformer.

## What the fuck was that last section?

Okay, let's see... I've covered theories on Amy, Knuckles, Shadow, Gamma, Eggman, Sonic's speed, Sonic's fanbase, and April Fool's--uh, I mean, creepypasta. I've basically done the majority of the main Sonic characters. Except Tails. Almost forgot about him. Alright, I guess it's Tails' time to shine!

Hello everyone, GamerGuyd7Aces here, and welcome to another episode of Sonic Theory. When you think of Miles "Tails" Prower, you think of this cute little two-tailed fox who's not only Sonic's loyal sidekick, but a very intelligent character whose IQ and prowess rivals Doctor Eggman himself. His relationship with Sonic has always been thought of as brotherly, but his loyalty towards Sonic can be rather intimate at times, and, unlike Sonic, in the video game canon, Tails has never had a single love interest. Now, first, let's start with a keen observation, during a trailer cutscene in Sonic Generations. In this cutscene, the Time Eater approaches, and we see classic Sonic and Tails standing next to their modern counterparts, preparing to face it. What is at first glance a throwaway shot showing Tails' fear and Sonic's resolve turns into something more complex the more you watch it. Look carefully at the shot in question. Classic Sonic braces himself, he throws his hand back in surprise, while classic Tails moves in, his eyes trapped in awe at the sight before him. Standing next to them, we see a similar reaction from modern Sonic, but a completely different one from modern Tails. Tails runs up to Sonic, and embraces him, in fear, while Sonic reaches back to protect him, a gesture someone may do to protect and reassure his loved one from danger. It's Tails' reaction that pushes this beyond simple friendship. Between the classic and modern eras, a true relationship has sprung up between the old friends. Now, before we jump to conclusions, let's look back at some of the signs over the years that our rainbow-tinted nostalgia goggles of hindsight can give us new perspective on, starting with Sonic The Hedgehog 2. Once again, I'm going solely on game canon, excluding the comics and the two television series, Sonic SatAM, and Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, one of which had Tails turn into a busty girl without so much of a glance of intrigue from Sonic. Now, with only the video game canon we have, we're left to fill in the gaps about how Sonic befriended this two-tailed fox. They met somewhere on planet Mobius between the two games, and when Doctor Robotnik launched his second attempt to gather the Chaos Emeralds, Sonic enlisted his friend's help to stop the mad egg-shaped man. They run through the meadows and jump on springs, having the time of their lives on their quest to stop Robotnik, becoming closer and closer as they go. At the end of the game, Sonic stops Robotnik's plans, and runs from the collapsing Death Egg, jumping out into nothingness, just in the nick of time. Tails, worried on the ground, acts fast and revs up the Tornado with the help of his Flicky friends, and together, they manage to catch Sonic as he falls, saving his life. Of course, this is if you don't get all of the Chaos Emeralds or so. All of this goes along to a moving little tune that most people don't know has lyrics. Yes, the ending theme of Sonic 2 was given an early 90's love song called Sweet Dream in English, and Sweet Sweet Sweet in Japanese, and was performed by the group, Dreams Come True. The song was written by the game's composer, Masato Nakamura. In an interview, he said that he wrote this song with the express idea of also having the band version to make the game feel like more of a movie. While he may not have intended for the ending to imply a love connection between Sonic and Tails, that doesn't make it any less striking when you listen to it. It's a song of two lovers, pure and simple. It's also possible that he may not have known Tails was a male character at the time he wrote the music. Regardless of whether the relationship was intentional or not, it's really hard to look at that ending as platonic after hearing the full version with lyrics. So what is happening between them? At the end of Sonic 2, after adventuring together and saving all of their animal friends from Doctor Robotnik, Tails realizes that he's fallen for Sonic. He wants to take their friendship to the next level, but he's too afraid of how Sonic might react to approach the subject with him. Sonic may or may not be picking up on these vibes. As Super Sonic, he flies alongside the Tornado, instead of on the wing, where he can talk with Tails. Tails never gets the chance to outright admit his feelings because Super Sonic decides to move on ahead of the Tornado, flying straight into Angel Island, without Tails. Now, depending on which timeline theory you accept, Sonic CD is either a precursor to Sonic 2 as evidenced only by the secret image found on the disk, or you accept the "official" timeline, that Sega's Ken Balough implied, making Sonic CD a precursor to Sonic 4: Episode I. Either way, three facts are apparent: Tails is missing, we're introduced to Amy Rose, and this takes place before Sonic Adventure. Okay, now, let's talk about the erotomaniac named Amy. Amy Rose is the first female love interest for Sonic, at least, that made it into the final games. The moment she lays eyes on him, Amy throws her arms around Sonic, but the player is forced to run away from her. She's kidnapped by Metal Sonic, and Sonic, despite not really caring for her, is honorbound to play the hero and save her. To Sonic, this is his chance to play the knight in shining armor. If he can save her and stop Robotnik without the help of Tails or Knuckles, he can prove to himself that he's straight! The problem is, he doesn't really like Amy. The games try to play it off like he's too young to understand love or that he's just simply grossed out by her like a little boy might be afraid of cooties. This idea is supported by the fact that after saving her, he simply sets her down and runs away from her as fast as he can. We later learn in Sonic Adventure that he's really just annoyed by her prescence, and quite simply wants nothing to do with her. It's not cooties or naivety, he is just not interested in her romantically. He is depressed by the salp-to-the-face realization that he may not be into women after all, and aches to run alongside his old friend once more. He's just too ashamed to face him, and too afraid to face the demons within himself. So he's gotta keep running, and go on a solo journey to find himself. Sadly, it doesn't last long, as life has a funny way of making him face his troubles again, and again. You can't run forever. If Sonic CD takes place as most fans think, between the first game and the second, then, immediately after running from Amy, he meets his new friend, Tails. Someone he'd rather be around, someone he can be himself around, someone who will eat chili dogs with him and collect rings. So, when Tails admits his love for Sonic at the end of 3, Sonic is in the same boat. The only difference is that, in his timeline, he already knows he doesn't really like girls before tails confesses. Sonic still has to do the only thing he knows how to do and run from his problems on a quest to find himself. The first half of the Sonic 4 saga has Sonic by himself. He needs a return to form to clear his head. To run through the meadows and jump on springs, all by himself, just like the good old days. But his heart is empty. It drags him down with guilt for how he abandoned Tails. The new danger in his life require that he swallow his pride for the first time in his life. Little Planet from Sonic CD is back, and this time, he needs help to take out Doctor Robotnik. He returns to Tails' workshop to make amends, because he needs his help. He is surprised to learn that Tails was one step ahead of him, and was already building a rocket to help Sonic save the day. The gesture touches Sonic's heart, knowing that even after abandoning his pal, Tails was right there waiting for him to come back. Sonic is torn by his own feelings. He tells the young fox that he just wants to be friends. He just wants to be by his side again. Everything starts off just fine and the two are getting along just like old times, but things eventually get awkward between them. During the final moments of the game, Sonic and Tails share an escape pod that sends them right into the new Death Egg in space, yet, during their escape from the Death Egg, they take different pods. After the events of Sonic 4: Episode II, Sonic's afraid that he may not be ready to be that close to Tails again, so he tells his pal that he needs a vacation, and decides to go off on his own adventure. He runs from his best friend and his own feelings once again. Gotta go fast! The moment he arrives in the totally happenin' Station Square, Sonic runs into trouble. Trouble seems to follow him wherever he goes. After stopping a new watery threat, he spends the following day relaxing near the beach, when he sees Tails crash the Tornado off in the distance. He may have been a little afraid to be near him, but he had to save his friend. The Adventure games have the most character development in the whole series, so there is a lot to digest here. Tails is blurry-eyed, recovering from his wreck, and looks up to find none other than Sonic the Hedgehog offering a hand to help him. Fate had brought them together again, it seemed. Sonic's no fool and quickly picks up on this, deciding to keep his distance as they collect the Chaos Emeralds. Every level they face together, Sonic tries to keep his distance from Tails. He laughs it off, calling it a playful race, but Tails realizes it's because Sonic is trying to avoid his feelings. Afterwards, the repaired Tornado gets shot down by the Egg Carrier, causing a touching little memory to play in Tails' mind, reminding himself of why he fell for Sonic to begin with. The simplicity of running through the woods together, no drama, no outside influence, just the two of them having the time of their lives, just admiring Sonic from behind, best friends. He decides to fix up his prototype of the Tornado-2, and, his heart be damned, try to forget his feelings for Sonic. He runs off on his own, hoping that the next time he runs into Sonic, it can be as the friend he needs, and nothing more. Tails chases down the Egg Carrier in the Tornado-2, ready to save the day on his own, but happens to come across Sonic on the way, so they fly towards the Egg Carrier together. After a rough crash-landing, the two run through the skydeck to try to get to Robotnik, and Tails finds that their time apart wasn't nearly as progressive for Sonic as it was for him. Once again, Sonic's turned their mission into a race. He tells himself that he can be strong. There isn't so much Sonic trying to run from him as it is Sonic running from himself, and he realizes it. He thinks he has everything under control, until Amy Rose shows up. The jealousy is instant. While Tails was away, Sonic runs into Amy and gets roped into taking her on a date to Twinkle Park. Sonic still finds that he wants nothing to do with the crazy girl, even after all this time, but her saves her once more, keeping his emotional distance. Sonic is now sure, once and for all, that he's not interested in girls. When the two people after his heart finally meet face-to-face on the Egg Carrier, he gets scared. Despite not saying a word about it, he thinks they're putting him on the spot, making him choose once and for all. Should he force himself to be with Amy because it's the right thing to do? Or should he open his heart, and follow his rainbow? Instead, he chooses neither. He tells Tails to take Amy to safety while he runs off after Eggman alone. If he can just focus on the mission at hand, he might be able to forget about his heart. Meanwhile, Tails and Amy are alone together for the first time. They immediately register each other as rivals in love, but Tails is done fighting. Rather than fighting Eggman together, Sonic ditched him once again. That was the last straw. Tails decides he really needs to be his own fox to be strong for himself. He's a strong independent fox boy who don't need no hedgehog. He leaves Amy by herself on a street corner to chase down Robotnik's last-minute effort to destroy Station Square and saves the day all by himself. He's so proud, he runs around in a victory march while the citizens of Station Square cheer him on. He's done it. He's validated himself. He saved the day and did it all without Sonic. He doesn't need Sonic any more, and Sonic doesn't need him... Or so he tells himself. When Angel Island falls again, Tails tells him the bad news and the two act professionally in using the emeralds to stop Perfect Chaos. Sonic takes off into the sunset after Robotnik, and Tails doesn't chase him. He lets him go. Sonic needs to go on a journey for himself. Tails hopes that Sonic will eventually open his heart, and once he does, it's going to be alright. But it still hurts Tails deep inside; that little part of him that still loves Sonic. His song in the game plays at the end of his story, with lyrics that sound of a high school girl with a crush on the coolest guy in class. But he's done with that. He's finally ready to get ahold of his life, and start a journey of his own. Everything is a brave new challenge for him, but he will believe in himself because this is the only start for him. This is the time for him to get over his crush, and move on. Some time passes, and Sonic's really starting to come to terms with himself. He's a gay hedgehog, and that's okay. His next adventure starts him off with a new leaf on life, embracing who he is and truly feeling free for the very first time. He's gotta follow his rainbow, as he runs through a city that's clearly inspired by San Francisco, knocking out any homophobic opposition from the government on his way. He can't stick around with his old feelings of sexual insecurity, he has to keep moving on. There's no telling what lies ahead, but there's only one way to find out, and that's to follow his rainbow. So he runs, following his rainbow and running from the law, until he's stopped dead in his tracks by his antithesis, a gay-hating, lab-grown, ultra-hetero hedgehog named Shadow. Just as Sonic has accepted himself, Shadow comes in and questions his very right to existence. Sonic calls him fake, but Shadow insists that Sonic's the fake. Shadow, the representation of heterosexuality, says that he is the ultimate lifeform, the only true way. According to him, Sonic is unnatural, and an abomination to all hedgehogkind. Throughout the entire game, the two are butting heads. Sonic sees Shadow as a sad representation of his old self. A shadow, if you will. This shadow represents all he hates about his closeted self, and worse, Sonic still has that reputation. He's out and proud now, but everyone from Amy to the military agency hunting him still sees him as Shadow. He sets out to correct that but he is captured and thrown in prison by a homophobic military. Shadow, however, is scorned and out for revenge after the death of female, human love, Maria. Seeing Sonic act so carefree, open, and ready to love sets him on edge, because he's under the impression that the only love in the world is the kind he once had; hetero-beastiality. He can't accept it being any other way so he holds a personal vendetta against Sonic, while at the same time fighting against him to make his ultimate plan come true. When Tails hears the news on this strange new technology called satellite TV, he makes haste in the Tornado-2 to rescue Sonic, but is shocked that Amy beat him there. How dare she steal this opportunity away from him! He may have earned his self-respect in the last game, deciding he was over Sonic, but he couldn't let his moment of need go by. He has to clear his first love's name, and if that means busting him out of jail, so be it. Tails rescues Amy from Robotnik, but insists that he be the one to save Sonic, and that Amy should go home. Amy runs along anyways, still under the illusion that she can turn Sonic straight, but she hasn't met the new Sonic yet. Amy reaches the jail cell before Tails, and after a brief interaction, we see that Sonic still wants nothing to do with her. She even offers Sonic a deal to marry her but he says "no way!" Amy opens the cell, and moves on with the plot, but as soon as Sonic finds out what he needs to know, he runs from her, making it clear where he stands. After this scene, Amy starts to back off her pursuit of Sonic a little. Tails is a new fox, who don't need no man, so when it comes to Sonic, he tries to remain purely professional. He wanted to save Sonic because it's the right thing to do, not because it'll score him points... Or so he tells himself. The two keep their distance for the whole game, they don't even act as friends. The only time they're ever together is when they have to chase the president. Even then, they act as if it's strictly business, and part ways once again. They can't stand to be around each other because the tension is too much for them to handle. This all comes to a climax at the end of the game on the Space Colony ARK. Tails and Amy are left to watch from the relative safety of the ship, as Sonic and Shadow put their differences aside to fight for their lives, and the lives of all mobians against a common enemy. By now, Shadow has acknowledged by getting his ass beaten a few times, that Sonic being gay is perfectly fine, and maybe even superior to his own closed-minded conservative self, though, he'd be too proud to admit it. Sonic doesn't hold a grudge, knowing from experience that it takes time to accept these things, and they put their differences aside to save the world. However, Shadow doesn't make it. They save the world, but at the assumed cost of Shadow's life. Sonic returns to the ship to greet solemn faces as everyone, including Amy and Tails, mourn for their fallen frenemy. Sonic holds his chin up, though, and offers words of encouragement, finally acknowledging that Shadow was a true hedgehog. everyone has a moment of quiet reflection on the choices in their lives, with even Doctor Robotnik finding words of encouragement from Tails. Shadow may have been a homophobic dick, but in the end, he brought everyone together. Despite putting on a brave face, Tails' heart is broken. He realizes that it could have just as easily been Sonic who died, and decides that holding a grudge and being angry is a waste of a life. It was time to forgive Sonic for running out on him and truly enjoy just being by his side. Sonic's ready to face Tails again, too. Life is too short to run away from your friends. You should run beside them, together, towards the same goals. They return home together, unsure of what their future holds, but ready for anything, because, for the first time in months, they are truly at each other's sides. Live and learn, or so they say. The two decide to hang out together, just like old times, but as friends. They learn to be around each other, once more, without having the tension. They can be pals without it being awkward once again, just like when they first met all those years ago. One day, Sonic offers to have a night out together, just him and Tails. He decides to take Tails to the latest, greatest offering in the world, or, out of this world; Eggman's Incredible Interstellar Amusement Park. Tails is awestruck at the gesture and excited to spend time alone with Sonic for the first time in ages, and Sonic swears up and down that this isn't a date. He did admit that it put Amy's Twinkle Park date to shame, though... Sonic turns to Tails as they approach the landing, and says, "just take my hand, we're gonna reach for the stars tonight." Tails reluctantly grabs his hand and together they explore the fantastic amusement park that they have all to themselves. Danger lurks its head around the corner as soon as they arrive when they witness some aliens being captured by Robotnik for use in his newest evil plot; a giant mind-control beam he aims to use on the entire planet below. Sonic and Tails help each other out as they work to stop Robotnik's plan, destroying one mechanical menace after another. At one point in the story, their friendship is really put to the test. They just finally rebuilt it to what it was years ago, but, Robotnik, being a gay hedgehog-hating asshole, has a plan to ruin this bond and ultimately defeat Sonic. He wants to use a prototype of his mind-control beam on Sonic to make him do his hetero-bidding. But Tails' heart jumps into his throat and he manages to knock his love out of danger's way. This results in Tails being hit with the beam. Sonic doesn't know how to react. He refuses to hurt his friend. Luckily, before Sonic is forced to make an unforgivable decision, the beam runs out of power. Sonic catches Tails in his arms, and after making sure he's okay, they have a quick laugh at the situation before Sonic goes off to defeat Robotnik again. It's one thing to trap his animal friends in robotic shells, but you dare threaten to break him apart from Tails?! This time, it's personal. Sonic defeats Robotnik, not just for himself, but in a victory for all gay animals everywhere who dared to be themselves. By the end of the game, Sonic and Tails have grown closer than ever, set to the romantic backdrop of the most wonderful park, beautiful friendly new aliens, and saving the day together just like old times. Tails finally allows his heart to beat once more. Tails proved in his heroic moment that he truly loved Sonic, and Sonic finally reciprocated that by avenging Tails and beating Robotnik for trying to tear them apart. They reached for the stars, alright, and found something magical; true love. Which brings us back to Generations and that cute shot of Sonic protecting the love of his life. Their journey was incredible and had its ups and downs, but they made it through together. In the end, they're running side-by-side, hand-in-hand, just how it should have been. Confronting their past, and reliving all of their brightest and darkest moments in Sonic Generations only steeled resolve that their feelings were true and just. When they part ways with their past selves at the end of the game, Sonic gives his past self a thumbs-up, and in a really forced tone of positivity, choking back the guilt of all the running his past self has yet to do, he offers simple words of encouragement.

So there you have it, folks. A way how Sonic The Hedgehog can display a positive and accurate representation of homosexuality in gaming, other than Mass Effect. His struggles were real, and identifiable with anyone who's ever explored their feelings, and been scared of what they found, just as he had so many times before. But just like Sonic, you can embrace those feelings, and turn that running into something positive. Run towards your goals and who you really are, don't run away from them. Run towards them and be free--follow your rainbow! Who knew all these allegories could be hidden in kids' games? Well, as Joss Whedon once said, "all worthy work is open to interpretations that the author did not intend." And isn't that the whole point of these Sonic theories? To interpret a character, story, or piece of work, in a way that makes sense, and speaks to people from all walks of life, even if that wasn't the original intention? Well, thank goodness for that, because that is why Sonic could possibly be the best representation of self-acceptance ever to grace a platformer.

## FAQ

### In all seriousness, are these games good?

Some, but not all. Sonic CD is good and if you don't like it you're probably lying so you won't look "cringey" or you just don't like platformers. Sonic 3 & Knuckles is deemed the best game in the series even by people who hate it with a passion.

### What's the best game in the series?

There are 3 common opinions:

1. Sonic 3 & Knuckles
2. Sonic Adventure
3. Sonic CD

Tomo recommends Sonic CD to newcomers in fear of Adventure ruining the series for picky people who only play games that are widely appreciated in the current year by all gamerkind.

### Why are there still people that like these games?

There actually are very few. So few that people will find you strange for playing these games, and soon enough, it shall be deemed a crime punishable by death.

### What do you mean people find you strange?

Hey, Mr. Nintendoboy, you know how you can go around and proudly say you love that little pink puffball? I can't say I love the blue hedgehog or people will give me weird looks, maybe even beat me up if they won't get caught. Even if I also state how much I love that pink puffball as well. Even if you like a SEGA game other than Sonic, people will think you're weird, just because it's SEGA, and Sonic is SEGA's mascot. Or because whatever game you like may have been developed by SEGA-AM8, which was renamed Sonic Team after that blue guy became popular in the 90's. One day, you'll have to suffer through what I have to suffer through. Just you wait, Nintendo will go downhill one day. You know it very well, you just won't accept it. You can proudly flaunt your love for a pink puff, I can't even say I like Fighting Vipers without an angry mob coming after me.

It's not your fault, though. It's a lot of people's faults. SEGA's, for letting the series go downhill, and the fandom, for giving it a shitty reputation. The fandom has people who are furries, middle-schoolers, shippers, Chris Chan, OC makers, and most painfully, DeviantArtists. As funny as Chris may be, as golden as his content was, this is the reason you can't wear a Sonic t-shirt to the gas station without someone punching you. They will assume you're an asshole, an autist, and ready to create the next-gen Sonichu.

Oh yeah, also, famous people hating it with a passion. Like Egoraptor. Thanks, Arin.

### Why did you write an essay on that? Get over it, you just gotta live with that shit!

Yes, I'm living with it right now. But there was once a point in time where no one gave a single shit if you played it or not.

### Anyways, what's up with Tomo?

Tomo has severe tomotism. She is mentally disabled and has unconventional taste in video games. The entire server wants her fucking dead because of this and she deserves that shit.

### Why were these games popular at one point?

Because, at one point, these games were actually really fuckin' good. It all went to shit in 2006. I mean, Colors and Generations came out in the 2010's, but who really gives a shit about those am I right fellas?