S02E04 - Pansy Raid

## Pansy Raid

Potterotic Rachel brings Pansy's pug-face to life

The Pensieve makes an official reappearance in this episode (i.e. is referred to as such and not just a general recap.)

This episode covers the end of chapter 3 of mctwist's story, picking up just after Draco has thrown Hermione into the pool. It then finishes chapter 3 and jumps to chapter 5 and goes until just before the midway of that chapter.

## Episode Summary

Draco and Hermione have some decidedly rough sex on the heated marble floors of the Prefects' Bathroom.

## Notable Moments

* Hosts promise to get the undapants out of their system eventually, then immediately admit that probably won't happen. Lyndsay's new stress response is to shout "Underpants!"
* Hosts joke that Danny is wearing a banana hammock
* Hosts compare the last episode to The Exorcist.
* Lyndsay is hyped up on black tea
* Lyndsay proposes a fun, new summer-time game: Toss the dick! and improvs a "diving for dicks" jingle
* All Draco has to do is stop being a total dick and he's won Allie and Lyndsay over. Hurray for low expectations!
* Guys love girls whose undapants just fly off
* Plughorn mention of him and Moaning Myrtle watching them as they get naked.
* We learn another new detail about the Prefect's Bathroom: heated marble floors.
* Allie recounts a college story about tear away pants failing her in public.
* SEX HEX!
* Hermione uses her above average intellect to extrapolate that sex is going to happen, what with her being on all fours with her ass in the air and there being no proctologist around.
* Story mentions her "joybox". Some discussion as to what this actually means. Is it her vagina? If so, Allie is stealing that.
* "Wedged" is not a great word for a sexual context.
* Some debate amongst the hosts whether sex *at its best* would involve this many mentions of pain.
* Hosts wonder whether there's a magic spermicidal jizz spell in place. Danny proposes *Spermicidus Incorpus.*
* Draco may have come first, but at least Hermione did as well. Hurray for 18-23 year old boners!
* Allie coins "joyboxing". Lyndsay wonders why rough sex has never been called "beat boxing"
* "Portrait Hole" is another good slang ~ Lyndsay
* Draco didn't kill Roger Davies when he saw them having sex, so that makes Draco super nice?? Hermione is in DENIAL. (NOTE: Roger Davies walks in on them in chapter 4, but the hosts have not read that chapter yet because they skipped from 3 to 5, so they are understandably confused by this reference to Roger Davies.
* Draco has been screwing Hermione's brains out evidently.
* Mild Ron bashing - stares blankly at his notes.
* Is Hermione under Amortentia now? Amortentiaception!
* Gasping Lyndsay
* Draco has run out of Tinder Hogwarts matches, so now he has to dip into Gryffindor
* The hosts do some odd voices for Draco as he proudly proclaims he's having great sex a modest amount each week.
* Hosts wonder if Draco thinks of her as "Her-mee-own" in his head rather than "Her-my-o-nee"
* The inklings of the Dansy voice start to show up...
* Lyndsay calls out the author for calling Lavender Brown a "beast" and saying Pansy has the face of a dog.
* Pansy isn't wearing panties beneath her skirt...she's wearing UNDAPANTS!
* Hosts discuss Ginny Bashing (where it's insinuated that she is "loose") and that she was the least developed character in the series...other than Blaise Zabini.
* Danny compares all the cattiness in the story to 13 Reasons Why and then tries to finagle a Netflix endorsement ("13 Reasons Why I Love Potterotica")
* (D:) "Aren't prefects on orgy patrol or something" (A:) "Well Hermione is a prefect" (L:) "It's the PREFECT crime."
* "More like Cho DANG" ~ Lyndsay
* Gryffindors have gotten around, Slytherins are inbred, Ravenclaws are into orgies, Hufflepuffs have no idea any of it is going on and think a boob feels like a bag of sand.
* Lyndsay coins "Pansy raid"
* Wands Up or Down song is still a work in progress.
* Ravenclaw Orgy = "Flock Fuck" or a "Dia-DAMN"

## Wands Up or Down?

Allie: Down

* Wands up until Pansy showed up and Draco reverted back to being snake-y

Lyndsay: Down

* Doesn't like Draco

Danny: Up

* He's invested.
* Loves knowing that everyone's having sex with everyone!