Dangan Ronpa: Unser Sommerende/Chapter 5 - Daily Life (1)

Continued from Chapter 4 - Class Trial.

[1]

[2]

MONOYAKI HOROSCOPE

Capricorn!

Did you know that if you go to the bookies, and you put a bet on a horse, and you win, they don’t have to pay you your winnings? This has nothing to do with your horoscope, but yeah, they don’t have to pay you a penny. But who’d put a bet on a horse at a place that doesn’t pay?...

[3]

“Wakey wakey, here comes the sun! Come out to play and greet the brand new day!”

... What am I supposed to say? It’s just the beginning of another cycle. Another morning, and another meeting. Honestly, I was considering not even going to the meeting. There wasn’t really a point, since it clearly wasn’t stopping anybody from dying. The only real reason to go was to stay informed about whatever other people happen to deem as important. I guessed that people would wonder where I was, so it was best that I went, even just for a moment.

[4]

So I got dressed and went to the cafeteria. There were five of us at the meeting in total, the usual lineup, Lucy, Rocky, Dan, and Archibald. The room had a lot of empty space, as you’d expect. We took a while to say anything, which should be understandable at this stage, but I was so worn down by everything that I had forgotten if an awkward silence at the start of each meeting was a normal thing for us recently.

“Do you think we should go upstairs?” Lucy asked, breaking the silence. “There’s always a new floor open, and Monoyaki will probably yell at us again if we forget to go.”

“Let him yell.” Rocky said, lying back in his chair. “It’s not like it matters what he thinks. If we go, we go, if we don’t, we don’t.”

“There might be something useful up there...” I suggested.

“Useful for what?” Dan said. “I don’t see how important it could be, even on a material scale. It’s been well established that there isn’t a way out.”

“So what’s your plan? Should we just stay here or something?”

Archie stood up, and tucked his chair in as he said without any sort of expression, “There isn’t a reason not to go up.”

“But what if there is?”

“... Is there?"

“I don’t know, I’m just thinking aloud. I guess we can go up there.”

“Then... Let’s go?” Lucy said, tilting her head. “It’s a lot of stairs. But we should probably go.”

“Yeah, uh, let’s go.”

Felt just as pointless as going to the meeting, yeah.

[5]

The fifth floor had the same hallways as the rest of the two floors below it, in that square donut sort of shape. Again, the inner wall was just windows looking nto the space above the garden. One half of the outer wall had doors leading to classrooms, whereas the other half of the doors served as entrances to the school library, the old reliable library. The actual design of the library was a bit of a shock to me; after having wandered for about two weeks, confined in blank white halls with the occasional sprinkle of blue plastic or wood, we now found ourselves in a victorian-style library with shelves of rich mahogany, comfy seats and decorated lamps, and even a spot near the wall where you could just look out of the window all day. It looked like we were on the top floor now, judging from the view. The librarian’s desk was empty as expected.

“... Isn’t this pleasant?” Lucy asked, offering a rhetorical nugget in trying times.

“... Yeah, yeah it is.” I answered, though I probably didn’t sound as impressed as I actually was. It was pleasant, yes, but books aren’t worth much when you barely have anybody to discuss them with.

“So...” Rocky began, glancing back at the doorway. “This place is nice and all, but is there anything important here?”

“Well...” Archie scratched his cheek a bit. “There might be some useful information stashed away somewhere in here. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some kind of school archive stored in here, or a connected room...”

“You think so?” I said, scanning the room some more. “I can’t see any doors, aside from the one I just came through. There isn’t even a door behind the counter.”

“It could just be sitting in one of the shelves, though that wouldn’t be a secure place to put them. Or, uh... There could be a secret passage?” He said, laughing quietly. In general, Archie was seeming far more positive than usual in the last day or so. Only a few smiles, but that was more than expected from him. Maybe he was really clinging on to that idea that the killing game was going to end soon, which was a bit crazy to me. If he was so confident about getting out, he could just kill someone.

Wow, I actually said that. I mean, I thought that.

I mean, it’s nothing, but I was clearly desensitised at this point if I just casually glossed over murder like that.

“... I think I’ll just spend the day looking for books on plantlife to pass the time.” He concluded, before walking deeper into the room. The room wasn’t even that big, it was long, since it had to curve around the square shape of the hallway, but the length was plenty for him to disappear into. Maybe he’d find the oh-so-elusive archival room. Dan and Rocky just departed without a word, so it was just Lucy and I standing around.

“... Hello, Jane.”

“... We’ve been in each other’s company for most of the morning, why are you saying hello?”

“Eh. It’s just easier for us to be ourselves when there isn’t anyone else around, no?”

“W-well, I’m always myself.”

“Are you?~” She gave a slight grin.

“U-uh, wh-what’s this conversation even about?”

“Dunno.”

“... Should we just sit down somewhere around here and think about something else to chat about? This place is very refreshing compared to the rest of the school’s endless blank halls.”

“Mm, so you’d like to spend time with me?~”

“Uh, yeah, exactly.”

[6]

There were a few chairs near the window that looked out into the rest of the city, so we pulled out a couple of them and sat by the view. The view just went into another taller building, so it wasn’t really a ‘view’ per se, but we could see down to the roads beneath us. I didn’t even think about the fact that we couldn’t even go down there and walk around, nor were we permitted to make some sort of sign or signal in the window for passers by to notice our predicament and call for help. Nobody even knew that the school wasn’t just doing what it always did.

But it was very relieving to spend time with Lucy after yesterday’s lengthy trial. Even if I was cursing every other living moment, being around her was what gave me serenity in the midst of everything. I was glad to be alive with her.

“So... Is there anything we can discuss, sugar?”

“Well, I can’t actually think of anything, not off of the top of my head, at least. Maybe we should just sit here in peace.”

“Uh-huh.”

So we did. Lucy went down to the cafeteria to make a couple cups of tea for us, and came back after not too long, and we just absorbed the moment, the window, the air of the library, sipping the warmth of the drinks. Pleasant... It was so pleasant.

“So, sugar...” Lucy stared out of the window, taking in the opposite building wall. “What do you think it’s all about?”

(SOUNDTRACK PAUSES)

“Uh, all about what? Do you mean the killing game or just life in general?”

“Dunno, maybe both. Everything in between, too... Do you think it’s adding up to something? There has to be a reason that these events have taken place, no?”

“I guess so... I haven’t really thought much about what Monoyaki even is, and why whoever is behind him felt the need to cause all of this in the first place... Isn’t it just a waste of life? It’s draining, even trying to think of why someone would want a bunch of strangers to kill each other like this...”

She turned away from the window, looking at me. “Honestly... I don’t wish to find out. It’s still a bit hard to accept that it’s even happening. But you’re still here, aren’t you?”

“Yeah. I am...” I said, looking down at my shins, feeling retracted. “I could have stopped everyone else from dying, too, but I guess I screwed that up, huh?”

[7]

“It wasn’t your responsibility...”

“I guess not, but it’s gotten to the point where I don’t see any use in trying anymore, Lucy...” I looked back at her, starting to get a bit emotional. “As a group, our class has failed. It’s entirely collapsed at this point, right? We’re constantly out to betray each other! None of us have any trust in ourselves as a class, and the ones who did were all killed... And it was inevitable, wasn’t it?... I... Don’t see why I should trust anybody, anymore...”

“... Do you trust me?” She tilted her head again. She sounded so innocent, but I knew she was aware of more than she was letting on. We didn’t know much about each other, honestly, but we seemed to be aware of each other’s psyches on some lower level. Maybe she even knew some things I wasn’t ready to acknowledge about myself.

“... I do...” I whimpered. “I just want to leave, and leave with you... I need it to end already, but it just keeps going...”

“Yes, yes... I understand, sugar.” She put a glove on my shoulder, and caressed it. “I promise, as long as we have to stay here, we’ll take care of each other, okay? Things will get better, even if we remain here forever.”

“Do you think that’s possible? That we could just be kept here forever? After a few years, we’d probably have ‘graduated’ and people would expect us to come home... I don’t think Monoyaki can keep us here forever. It’s not possible, right?”

(SOUNDTRACK PAUSES)

“Well, I suppose it isn’t. All I can say is that I’d help you through the worst of scenarios, Jane...” She patted my shoulder softly, and smiled at me. “Understand?”

“Yeah... Thank you so much, Lucy.”

“There’s no need to mention it, sugar.”

We kind of just spent the rest of the day together. Unfortunately, we had to go to bed eventually, of course, but I was able to sleep with more comfort than I had at any point since the start of the Mutual Killing Venture. Things weren’t so awful after all.

[8]

MONOYAKI HOROSCOPE

Aquarius!

Up, down, all around, but not a paycheck to be found. The economy sure is harsh nowadays, but soon you’ll get the dough you need! Don’t ask me where to get it, though, just go see a financial advisor who costs more than he’ll save for you. Money makes the world go ‘round!

[9]

The rising morning again commanded us all to the cafeteria, no matter how little there was to actually talk about.

“First thing’s first,” Archie started off, “I didn’t find anything. “There’s a door at the back of the library, but it’s sealed off. I’d expect the archives to be in there, but since there’s no way to reach it, that’s probably where our information seeking ends.”

“Has it got a padlock?” Rocky asked. “I could shoot it off pretty quickly.”

“I wish it were that simple. Aside from that being a bit over the top in the first place... It isn’t a padlock, it’s just... Sealed. Or maybe it’s jammed. If it’s jammed, there might be a way to get it loose again, but I don’t have any ideas.”

“Perhaps there’s some sort of sealant placed in the cracks?” Lucy asked. “If I could examine it, there may be a way to melt or dry away the cause.”

“... Or maybe the hinges just need oiling?” I added on, not knowing what I was talking about.

Archibald and Lucy went off to further assess the door, whereas Rocky left for the recreation room, as usual.

[10]

It seemed that today I ended up being more interested in Dan, however. Maybe just because it had been a while since I interacted with him outside of investigation-type situations... Honestly, there was a reason for that. This probably sounds harsh on my part, but he just wasn’t that fun to be around, go figure. Even if that was precisely because of his nihilistic outlook that overcame him so suddenly, well, uh... That was the thing. I was wondering how long he could keep it up for, or why he was even doing it in the first place. As dismissive as I had been of him for most of the killing game, there was definitely something going on with that boy, and I figured it had something to do with his prior breakdown at the end of the second trial, which felt like it had taken place eons ago... If he was creating this weird persona for attention, he would have given up by now. Wait, that’s stupid, he wasn’t the kind of person who wanted attention, right? I mean, judging by his catastrophe-prone psyche beforehand, the fact he was able to act like this at all was remarkable. Maybe he really had changed?

[11]

I approached Dan in the garden, his usual spot for meditation. I didn’t want to disturb him out of the trance, but it wasn’t like he was going to stop just to notice me.

“Uh, hello?” I said, less of a conversation starter and more of a conversation suggestion.

He didn’t respond, which was kind of what I expected from him. I could tell he was aware of me, however, since his breathing got slightly louder, signalling annoyance.

“Yeah, I know, you probably see me as a nuisance or whatever.”

“Do you want to hear the truth?” He opened one eye. I waited for him to continue. “... Please answer. I wouldn’t want to force the truth on you if you aren’t prepared for it."

“Is this a cosmic truth or the truth about if I’m bothering you?”

“You seem more bothered than I am. A bit too self-conscious, as well.”

“Gah...” I recomposed myself. Did I really care that much about what he thought about me? Well, anyone’s thoughts about me were enough to make me concerned... But that just proved his point! “U-um, anyway, I just wanted to ask you, what’s gotten into you?... No, that’s a bad way to word it, I mean, ever since the end of the second trial, you’ve been really different, and I know you’re just going to say that you found enlightenment or whatever, but-”

“Do you want to hear the truth?”

“Uh, go ahead.”

“... To summarise, losing the remainder of what I really had was what showed me that I never truly had anything.” He opened his other eye, creating a more direct stare. “I admit, I was starting to like Robin considerably as time went on. I was usually able to retain control over myself around him, and, although I didn’t tell anyone, his lofty ambitions impressed me greatly. I had never aspired to anything aside from existing and staying in control, which I failed to do, time and time again. Once I found out what Robin had done, and properly processed it... Well, I imagine you’re expecting me to say that some sort of divine inspiration flowed through every fibre of my being.”

“No?... I’m not really expecting anything in particular.”

“Well, there may be hope for you yet. Simply put, I realised that getting attached to anything was pointless, and that expressing my woe and anxiety changed nothing in the universe. So I stopped.”

“Wait, you just stopped feeling worried, just like that?”

“Oh, no, I still feel extreme stress.”, he continued without a hint of stress in his voice. “I just acknowledge now that they are only chemicals in my brain trying to fool me into material attachment, a forest of maya that distracts from the eventual void. This is what I now know, and it is likely the final truth.” He closed his eyes again, with a sigh, as if to dismiss me.

“... Dan... Do you trust the chemicals in your brain to tell you that they’re chemicals?”

[12]

“Eh?” He opened his left eye again, eyebrows raised.

I just shrugged in response. “All I’m saying is, If you want to get subjectivist about this, the very reality that we live in is just a perception.”

“Yes, that’s my point, that’s why it doesn’t matter.”

“But if reality’s fake, then fakeness must be reality. You need something real to compare it against, otherwise it loses its meaning entirely. If nobody can logically judge life to be valuable, then how can you judge life to be worthless?”

Dan shook his head, eyebrows lowering again. “I understand your point, Jane, but I don’t think that you understand mine. I’m not trying to judge the world directly, I’m just trying to live in it. I’m not sure why I’m here, or why either of us are here. All I can really point out is that both suffering and happiness ultimately lead to a neutral state at the end of every life, down to the very last person... Can you blame me for wishing to separate myself from the charade?”

“Well, honestly, I can’t. But I still have a lot to live for... Even if nothing’s permanent, I don’t think I would have made it this far with just survival instinct. I think the suffering and happiness of life is what gives it colour... Uh, that probably sounds really cheesy, ahaha... But that’s alright sometimes! I like smiling! I like laughing!... U-um, sorry, I’ll go now.”

“Feel free to leave whenever you wish. And there’s no need to apologise. You’re just being yourself.”

“I-is that what ‘myself’ is?...” I said under my breath, blushing. “U-uh, cool, I’ll just head off now?”

“You don’t need my permission.” Dan smiled for a split second, before returning to his meditative state once more.

(SOUNDTRACK PAUSES)

I sat around a little longer, though, just thinking about stuff. The garden was always quite nice. After half an hour or so, I returned to the dormitories. Honestly, I kind of spent too much time in my room... Oh well.

[13]

MONOYAKI HOROSCOPE

Pisces!

I predict that the Pisces of the world will jump for joy today. With the founding of the international Pisces community, world domination is at their feet! It’s only a matter of time before they take over, so time to get preppin’!

It’s a new day. I’m getting very tired of saying ‘oh look it’s a new day’ or whatever. I was tired in a lot of ways, really, but as long as there was a reason to keep moving forward, I would, y’know, keep moving forward.

[14]

By the time the regular five of us were sitting at the cafeteria table, we heard the door open, and quite unexpectedly, Mary was the one to walk in. Well, really, she’d be more expected than Jo, since she had attended a few meetings at one point, but that’s kind of besides the point. Point is, even if that serious stare she had was her default expression, the fact she felt the need to come to the meeting for once meant that there was something that she felt the need to tell us, rather than keep it to herself.

She didn’t close the door again, and spoke from the edge of the room as she held it open.

“There are new documents in the library that weren’t present the day before.”

“... And?” I asked.

“... And it’s very important!” Mary responded, trying not to show any weakness. “I’d suggest that all of us go there now. There isn’t much to look at, but what’s there is highly troubling, and I need to hear what other people think of it.” She then closed the door without waiting for any of us to talk back.

“... I guess she has no reason to lie?"

“I suppose.” Archie said. “If she wanted to try anything, she probably wouldn’t be calling the whole group up...”

[15]

The ‘new documents’ only amounted to a folder-like book and a photograph on top of it, set up on one of the smaller tables in the library. This would seem underwhelming at first glance, but we were gathered around the table for a reason; the photo wasn’t familiar at all, a sharply dressed, older-looking businessman with short shaved hair, but it had a label reading ‘Derek Frankson’, written in pen. It was clearly a stock image, with an obtrusive watermark and all, and as I turned it over to look at the back, it had information about the photo; the suited man was named Ted Upman, who was paid to pose for this generic photo that was simply titled ‘Businessman Smiling Confidently’.

“Firstly, do any of you have information regarding who this is?” Mary said, not long after I put the photo back down. “Whoever retrieved these documents did so to point this out in particular, clearly.”

“Well, I don’t recognise the picture...” Archie began, “But the name ‘Frankson’ is directly tied to something Jane and I discovered earlier, on one of the school’s PCs...”

We explained everything we saw regarding the mysterious man, and his purchasing of the school. I felt a little weird that we hadn’t told the rest of the group about this earlier, but I suppose we didn’t find a relevant moment until now. I mean, any moment would have been relevant, really.

“So, if you two already knew about that...” Mary said, eyeing the two of us as she talked, “Then does that mean that... Wait.” She looked back at the photo, and ran her finger across the pen. “Nevermind, the ink is dry. It’s been labelled like this for a while.”

“Uh, but this isn’t Derek Frankson.” I turned the photo over a second time, just to double-check if I read the back right. “It’s just a generic picture of a man in a suit. I’m starting to consider the possibility of Mr. Frankson being a fake identity or something. Maybe one that the mastermind used to take over the school or something.”

“I’d be surprised if they managed to successfully get the government to privatise and then purchase this school without that fake identity being uncovered. Didn’t they get suspicious that the actual person never would have shown their face, and hid behind a watermarked photo?”

“Maybe he just had enough cash.” Rocky stated, matter-of-fact.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah. Offer enough digits and nobody’ll ever question ya. It’s not too hard to understand."

“I guess that makes sense?...” Archie said, looking at the folder-book which was still sitting untouched. “We might find a concrete answer in the book, since it’s been brought out with the photo, it must have some sort of relation. Have you read the book yet, Mary?”

“... No?” She looked away from us. “It’s just really thick and daunting. I don’t read books very often, barring historical records and studies.”

I opened the binder, and most of the thickness was just empty space between the cover and the laminated pages within.

“W-well, it looked thick.”

A quick flip-through revealed it to be a school yearbook. It wasn’t very large, as you’d expect from a school with fifteen students per year. There were three years present at the school at any time, so it didn’t take long to flick to the page with our mugshots. And, naturally, the sight of our deceased classmates filled me with a sense of longing. I mean, I hadn’t really gotten as attached to them as I could’ve, and we hadn’t known each other for too long, but at the end of the day, each of them were people just like us, who could have brought about so much potential benefit to the world and-

[16]

“Wait, I don’t remember having my photo taken.” Lucy stated.

I took another look over the pictures. We were all in the school’s uniform, including me, even though I never received any outfit from the school, in fact, I remember being told that they’d give out our uniforms when we arrived at the school for the first time.

“Uh, maybe these pictures were made on a computer.” I proposed. “Maybe the school needed placeholder pictures for us before photo day, and they imposed the uniform on other photos of us?”

“It looks awfully realistic, though, doesn’t it?...”

I shook my head, and flipped through a few more pages, entering the section that housed the group photos for each class. Sure enough, there was a full group photo of our class, lined up, and clearly dressed fully in the white and blue uniforms that bore the school’s insignia.

After seeing that, the six of us exchanged glances for a few seconds, as if to make sure that we were all seeing the same thing. That probably sounds cliched, but since this was so eerie and seemingly impossible, it only made sense that we wouldn’t process it right away.

“This is a real photograph.” Archie said, under his breath. “There’s no way it can’t be, a placeholder picture wouldn’t have to be so realistically detailed... And there’s nothing to say when this photo was taken, either?”

“Nothing at all.”, I verified.

“... What even...”

“Okay, alright.” Mary took a quick breath out. “I’m assuming this has something to do with the so-called ‘amnesiacs’ from the laboratory on the floor just below us. There’s a logical explanation, so there’s no need to lose our minds.”

“So the mastermind must have used it on us then, right?"

“I-I guess.” I paused to get a hold of myself, before trying to reason with this concept. “... I suppose they wanted to make sure we no longer knew each other. If we trusted each other from months of being classmates, we’d be a lot less likely to murder each other, so I’m not surprised they decided to...”

[17]

“Wait!” Archie interrupted, uncharacteristically loud. “Jane, how much do you remember before the killing game started?”

“Uh... Just making my way to the school, and then I was suddenly here. I don’t remember the photo being taken, of course...”

“But what I mean is, it was about February when all of us came here, correct? February eleventh, since that was the date that the planning calendar on the computer was at.”

“Hmm, I can’t say I was paying attention to the date when I first got here, but... Wait, you mean that the calendar must have been changed back?”

“Exactly! There was clearly an effort from the mastermind to make us think that no time had passed whatsoever in between our separate arrivals and the beginning of the killing game, although I’m not sure how long that space of time is...”

“It’s six months, I believe?” Lucy said. “That’s what my notes said about that specific gaseous substance... This is making my head hurt, though...” She turned to me, her eyes suddenly seeming quite pained. “Something is highly incorrect. Something about this sounds familiar.”

“Oh... Is there any reason?” I asked.

(SOUNDTRACK PAUSES)

She just shook her head in response, and went back to looking at the image. After a few seconds, she took hold of that page, seeing that it was the last one in the binder, and flipped it over. This revealed the final photo in the catalogue; a full school photo, that was labelled as being from another branch of Wish’s Apex, one located further west, in Birmingham. There were forty-four unrecognisable faces, all dressed in the same uniform and none of them resembling the other photos in the book, along with one student who looked far too familiar. Although the photo was labelled quite clearly as being from a different branch of the academy, one of the students had the same hairstyle, same eyes, nose, general face... It was all the same as Lucy Rotkappen.

“It appears that she transferred?” Dan commented, his face completely still, from the opposing end of the table to Lucy’s face, which was... Somehow dead and alarmed at the same time. A visage that screamed as quietly as a mouse in the constrictor’s grip.

“... The very fabric of reality. I molded it into a transparent ruse.” She shakily stepped away from the photograph, arms covering herself as if she’d experienced grievous bodily harm, and promptly took off, exiting the library before anybody could ask her to explain.

Then for about a minute, people were talking about something. Probably about Lucy. I was a bit deaf all of a sudden. My vision was a little blurry. My brain wasn’t working, it was stuck in a loop of something or another. Trying to figure out what had even happened in her head just then. I liked to tell myself I knew her well, and in that minute, I couldn’t even come close to knowing the cause of her pain, this pain that she seemed to accidently hint to every now and then. Something happened in that old school. That goes without saying, but I had to find out.

Before something happened.

So I left the library, and I didn't pay attention to whether anybody noticed me exit. And as I walked through the hall outside, I started to walk faster. I didn’t know what was happening but I knew I had to walk faster. I had to run, in fact. Something was happening and I had to run.

[18]

And so I ran.

And eventually, I was outside Lucy’s door. I assumed she went to her room, maybe that was stupid of me, but I knocked anyways, and had no response. I continued to knock, even banging at it. She wasn’t there. That must have been the case, right? So I sat by the door, waiting for her to come back. My brain should have been racing and whirring with worry as it tried to make sense of what was happening, but I couldn’t make sense of it, not in the slightest.

(SOUNDTRACK PAUSES)

So I just had to wait.

And she never came to the door. That whole day, she never came back to the door. I noticed other people coming and going, but she never came back. Which meant she was probably inside her room, and wasn’t answering. No... She would always answer me, right?... We needed each other... I needed her...

Hours passed and soon enough, fatigue set in. It was probably night now, not night enough for Monoyaki to turn out the lights, but most of us had returned to our separate dormitories. Including Lucy. Probably. Hopefully.

And as I sat there, I heard someone else sit there, beside me. Even though my mind was set solely on Lucy and hoping she’d be fine, I was more than craving a distraction at that point, so I turned my head, and about a metre from where I was, I could see Mary. She was holding her wide-brimmed hat on her lap, staring at me with half-shut eyes.

“I usually go to bed earlier than this, Attebury.”

[19]

“You don’t have to stay up.” I said, before yawning, suddenly feeling quite tired thanks to her pointing that out. “... But you can if you want.”

“Much appreciated.” She turned away from me, staring at the opposite wall. I did the same. We stayed like this for five minutes or so, before she finally continued, “You’re quite dedicated to her, aren’t you?”

“Lucy? Yeah.”

“Mhm.” This was followed by another pause, this one much shorter. “And why is that?”

“It’s one of those things that can’t really be explained, Mary. Considering how you seem to view other people, I don’t know if you ever would.”

“Hm. That’s just about the response I expected.”

“Then why’d you ask?...” I said, rubbing my eyes with a pestered look.

“Well...” She cringed in hesitation for a second. “I was wondering if you’d show me how. I-I mean, HOW, as in, what makes you... Care for her? I just don’t see any reason why you care so much about everyone, since we’re in a situation where you should be focusing just on saving yourself, if anyone.”

“Oh, no, I don’t care about everyone. Just me and her. I tried caring about everyone, and that didn’t work out, huh?” I shook my head, not completely believing what I was saying, but, at the end of the day, I didn’t have any expectations that trying to save the rest of the group would work, if we had failed so many times to stay cohesive.

She sighed loudly. “I’ve been trying to tell you that for a while. Oh well, it’s less about everyone, more about you and her.” Mary closed her eyes for a moment, before staring at me more directly. “I want to know how to care for one particular person like that. I know that sounds like a surprise, but I don’t expect to get out of here anymore. I... I need to care about at least one person, or I’ll drive myself insane, Attebury, I’ll lose my bloody mind!...” She then averted her gaze, and put a hand to her forehead. “... I shouldn’t be showing weakness like this.”

“... No, it’s fine, just take a breath in... I guess. Okay?”

“Yes, yes... Okay.”

“... Mary, are you sure you don’t already care for someone? I remember that after what Rocky tried, during the last trial... You know?”

As I brought it up, she whimpered abruptly, probably hoping that I didn’t notice. “... I remember.”

“You seemed pretty concerned about him at that time, and it seems you’re still uncomfortable with that, so... Doesn’t that mean you care about him?”

“... Are you trying to insinuate something?” She twitched as she spoke.

“Uh... No, you just asked me how to feel empathy and stuff, and you’ve already felt it is what I’m trying to say.”

“Understood... Rackham and I spend a lot of time together, so...” She glared at me. “Don’t get any ideas!...”

“Alright, hehe... Oh, and if you’d like to, uh, feel free to maybe start coming to the cafeteria meetings, i-if you want to.”

“Wait, I thought you said you didn’t care about the group as a whole?”

“W-well I don’t, just that, there’s nothing stopping you from coming, y’know.’

“Understood...” She turned away from me, facing the wall again. “We’d best get to bed now, hm?”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Maybe Lucy will be feeling better tomorrow.”

“If she’s up to the task, I suppose.” She stood, stumbling a little as she did, before walking down the hall to her room. I did the same, a bit less unstable due to spending the whole day sitting down, expending no energy. I mean, I was super hungry, since I didn’t leave to get lunch or dinner, so maybe I should get to the cafeteria before-

[20]

“Now it’s time to say good night, gooood niiiight, sleeeep tiiiight... Remember, some parts, like the cafeteria, are closed tonight, so watch where you’re going!”

The lights were promptly shut off, leaving me to fumble and feel around the wall until I found a door that responded to my Monopad. Great... At least I got to go to bed, I guess.

Continued in Chapter 5 - Motive.