Sleepy Maids Help You Fall Asleep

Five sleepy maids attempt to help the listener fall asleep.

## Transcript

### Introduction

Ah, darling. There you are. I was hoping you'd show up. No, no, not today. I'm just on the welcoming committee. I'll have someone show you to a bed. Go and make yourself comfortable. Nice seeing you, darling.

### Tsundere Maid Helps You Fall Asleep

Oh, a space cadet. Follow me. Follow me. Yeah, you can come and sleep here and stuff. Get into bed, take it easy. We will try and help you fall asleep or something. Hmm? We're doing like a sleep cafe thing. For what? Like, because. Why do you have to question everything? Shut up. Just enjoy it and stop asking questions.

You comfy? Yeah? Okay, good. So uh, you tired? Hmm. You want a cigarette? No? Okay. I hate this outfit. You know what? I think I'm going to take a break. Yeah. I think I've done enough work here for at least a few hours. You don't need to know my name, and if you try to complain about my service I can't say what might happen to you.

Mm-hmm. Angelina? Psst, Angelina! Angelina is going to come and take care of you now. Yeah, she's a really great, um, reader. Angelina? Angelina, come here and talk to this man. The nice man is sleepy.

**Angelina:** Okay!

**Tsundere:** Good luck.

### Sub Maid Helps You Fall Asleep

Hello! Hi! Are you falling asleep? I can help you fall asleep. I can do it. Yeah. So um, what going to want to do is um, close your eyes. Close your eyes and take a deep breath, and don't forget to breathe out. And one more. Oh, I'm dizzy... Oh, oh... and now, for the bears. I'm going to tuck little bears into your bed, and it's going to help, so stay still. They will keep you warm.

There you go. Feeling cozy? Okay, good. Now if you don't mind, we aren't supposed to get in the bed with you so I'm going to lie on top of you if that's okay? Okay, okay stay still. Okay. And now- oh my God did you die? Oh, you're just sleeping. Okay. Now I need you to imagine a shape, like a really fluffy shape, or if you would like you can imagine an alpaca, and now you can imagine the fluffy sheep in a field.

Um, you can imagine there is a gate and he's running towards it. He's about to jump but he turns to you and says "you don't have to follow me, you can be yourself and follow your dreams!" Pardon? Oh, I was real for that one? Thank you! Was that helpful? Good.

To be honest, thinking about the fluffy sheep has me a little tired too. ...Yes? Oh, balls. Sorry I swore. They're going to tell me off for falling asleep on my client again. Oh... yes, I'm getting off. Nice meeting you, Mr. Man. Can you take over for me please?

**Himedere:** Yeah, whatever.

### Himedere Maid Helps You Fall Asleep

Hi, nice to meet you. The pleasure is all yours. Yeah, bunny costume. I said I'm not wearing that Freddy crap, I need to stand out. I need everyone here to know that I have arrived and that I'm not like the other girls. Yeah,, duh. Anyway, why are you still awake? I was hoping I wouldn't actually have to talk to anyone. Mm-hmm.

Okay, well it's hard to sleep around someone is fabulous and as stunning as me, but you can certainly try. Yeah. Your hair looks terrible. Just, stay still. I will bless you with a makeover. It's not optional.

If I have to look at you, you can at least be presentable. So, do you have a girlfriend? Mm-hmm. Me? No, I'm not seeing anyone special right now. I was supposed to go for bubble tea with this guy but, it didn't work out. Do you like bubble tea? Good to know. Okay, that's better. If you're aiming to go on a date with me, you'll need to step it up from this.

Stay still. Oh, I'm sorry, is the ??? not good enough for you? Cry about it. It wouldn't be in your mouth if you shut up like I told you to and stayed still. Anyway, you look much better now. Too bad the bed is full of bears. So, do you have like Instagram or something? Mm-hmm. Oh, for God's sake. This looks better on me! God. I'm getting dress-coded.

Some people just don't understand fashion. Bye for now. Oh, you know my username, let's not pretend.

### Yandere Maid Helps You Fall Asleep

Hey, are you all by yourself? Are you all on your own? Oh, goodness. Poor baby. I won't leave you on your own. I'll take care of you. Yes. Did you have to speak to the other girls? Oh, my poor baby. They don't know how to treat someone as special and as wonderful as you. Don't you worry, I'm here now. You'll never have to talk to another girl ever again.

You're safe with me. Just close your eyes. You're not alone anymore. Oh, don't mind. Holding your wrists is so much more romantic than holding hands, don't you think? It's okay. You can fall asleep. Hmm? I look familiar? How strange! We've never met before. I would have remembered. Oh, I look like someone you saw on the news? What a coincidence.

As you can see, I'm just a sleepy maid cafe lady. I wouldn't hurt a fly. I wouldn't crash a car. I wouldn't steal a car. Piracy, it's a crime you know. {humming and singing}

No, no. Keep your eyes closed. No need to look at the others, right? Aren't you comfortable and happy here with me? Hey. If you keep looking over there something bad is going to happen to you. Good job. Oh, shit. I have to go, I- something came up. Don't worry about it, I'll be back for you baby. Don't worry.

### Dom Maid Helps You Fall Asleep

Oh, darling. You've been left unattended. Allow me. Hmm... has it been a long day, baby boy? Mm-hmm. I see. Here, put your head on my lap sweetheart. There, there. Feeling very comfortable. Have you been good today? Mm-hmm. Would you say you've done enough to earn some headpats? Be honest. Is that so? You wouldn't lie to me, would you? Oh you well then, since you've been a good boy.

It seems like you've spoken to a lot of women today, darling. I don't need to be worried about your head turning, do I? No, didn't think so. Yes, I'm not really the maid type, am I darling? I thought I'd go ??? and wear the long skirt version. Sometimes you have to separate out the women from the girls, don't you agree?

My little love. You look ever so darling curled up like this, sweet little baby you are. Shh... will you be a good boy and try your best to go to sleep for me? I think you've had enough excitement for one day. Yes. No but, mommy knows best. Yeah. This ought to help, darling.

Oh, oops. Maybe not. Never mind. Do as I say. You'll be good for me and do your best to sleep, won't you? Good dog. That's all right darling, I'll stay with you until you've woken up.