Episode 16: World Wide Walk

https://globehell.libsyn.com/

## Episode Summary

What if we had world wide walk across the planet? What if we could clone the streets? What if baboon birthed human clone baby?

## Idea Details

* Idea: World Wide Walk, aka World Wide Stephen Avenue, aka World Wide Stephanie Avenue
* Creator of idea: Josiah
* Purpose of idea: So anyway, speaking of the Calgary Tower, of course Calgary Tower is located in one of the most renowned streets in all of the world: Stephen Avenues, a - kind of the central hub of Canada, I think, culturally, with restaurants, it's kind of the central place on Earth, where you can get gifts, you can get John Fluevog shoes, and you can go to Earls, or you can go to Indigo. It's well connected with the Plus 15 system. Stephen Ave is kind of the Times Square of Canada, in my opinion. So I was thinking what we need in our - you know, we talk a lot about functional things - everything we talk about is functional, it's based on transport, it's based on other things like that, but we haven't really thought enough about arts and entertainment and going out. I'm thinking in terms of what about just kind of 'Thursday is the new Friday' kind of feeling, you know? Kind of a night on the town. Gals night, boys night, you name it. Maybe cross-pollinate the boys and the gals on the town. So what I'm proposing is a World Wide Walk.
* Timetable: No timetable was given for World Wide Walk. However, it relies on World Wide Train (noun) already existing. It can be reasonably assumed that it will be paid for by World Wide Lottery, so it will likely be created sometime after that, as long as the street clone-stamping process is ramped up for production by then.
* Idea details:
	+ The ribbon cutting ceremony for World Wide Walk will be at Stephen Avenue with Calgary Mayor Nenshi, Drew, and Larry Heather in attendance. Larry Heather will be Drew's date.
	+ World Wide Walk will be a walkway that starts at Stephen Avenue and goes around the entire globe.
	+ World Wide Walk will include elements of the world's great boardwalks, elements of the High Line Park in New York City, elements of Downtown Disney, elements of Universal CityWalk, the Jon Lovitz Comedy Club and restaurant which will be peppered across the entire World Wide Walk, the Hollywood Walk of Fame, Canada's Walk of Fame, and any other walk where a street has been closed off for people to have mixed-use footpaths and storefronts and mimes.
	+ World Wide Walk will have no need for parking because everyone will be walking, and in thick-soled shoes.
	+ World Wide Walk will have street performers and gold-painted folks who look like statues. There will also be jugglers and mimes and a harpman.
	+ There will be some restaurant pairings with World Wide Walk, including TGI Friday's.
	+ McDonald's and Taco Bell will not exist in the future world because they will not be needed.
	+ You currently would not be able to get a Dole Whip on World Wide Walk because a Dole Whip stand does not exist yet on Stephen Avenue.
	+ World Wide Walk will be continually cloned from the actual Stephen Avenue, with elements of other world walks peppered throughout to give the appearance of being more than just Stephen Avenue. Doing this will help with acquiring the necessary permits. It also means, though, that adding or removing things from Stephen Avenue will have an effect on all of World Wide Walk.
	+ The actual street performers themselves who are on Stephen Ave will not be personally cloned along with Stephen Ave to the rest of World Wide Walk. Only a version of them will be cloned.
	+ The Palace Theatre in Calgary will also be clone-stamped around the World Wide Stephen Ave, though it will be called Calgary Flames Central. The statue of Iginla will be everywhere.
	+ Bad Religion and Placebo (the Calgary one, not the English one) will play along World Wide Walk.
	+ You can get BeaverTails pastries on World Wide Walk, and it will overall kind of feel like the main drag in Banff, Alberta, Canada.
	+ COWS Banff, the cow ice cream place that sells the cow movie parody t-shirts (like James Moo instead of *James Bond*, or Don't Ava Cow as a parody of both *Avatar* and *The Simpsons*, or Moo-n instead of the Sam Rockwell *Moon* or the David Lynch *Dune* or the Denis Villeneuve *Dune*) will be on World Wide Walk.
	+ The Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory will be available on a global scale on World Wide Walk.
	+ Bicycle rickshaws will be available on World Wide Walk for anyone who does not feel like walking the full distance around the globe.
	+ World Wide Walk will have photo booths where you can get old-timey photos taken of you and your honey to make it look like you're in the olden days.
	+ World Wide Walk may have some schemers doing card tricks, though Josiah and Drew will do their best to ensure that there are not too many of them operating along the walkway that goes across the globe.
	+ World Wide Walk will involve stretching the Earth with giant screen door hooks on both poles. They will be pulled by satellites orbiting the Earth and the doors will be slammed shut simultaneously to stretch out the Earth slightly. This will create space along both sides of the Equator so that World Wide Train (noun) will have World Wide Stephen Avenue on one side and World Wide Stephanie Avenue on the other side. These World Wide Walks will be separated by gender, but that isn't segregation because you don't want to see your significant other while you're out with the boys.

## Devil Play

* Drew asked why people wouldn't just go to Disney if they can see their favorite Disney characters on World Wide Walk but cannot get a Dole Whip.
	+ Josiah was emphatic that if you want a Dole Whip, you can go to Disney, but the World Wide Walk includes elements of all sorts of disparate things, like Disney Walk and Universal CityWalk, but it is still ultimately modeled after Stephen Avenue in Calgary. This includes the interesting sculpture by Bankers Hall (see episode image) and chuckwagons with acoustic street performers.
	+ Drew asked then if he were to start a Dole Whip stand on Stephen Avenue whether other Dole Whip stands would suddenly start popping up all along World Wide Walk.
	+ Josiah confirmed that this is exactly how it would work. The point is actually to just repeat Stephen Avenue over and over again so they don't have to worry about the permits. The elements of other things like the Hollywood Walk of Fame and Canada's Walk of Fame would still technically be there so that it seems like World Wide Walk is more than just Stephen Avenue. He emphasized, though, that whatever you want replicated throughout World Wide Walk must be built on Stephen Avenue before World Wide Walk is created. Anything built on Stephen Avenue after World Wide Walk is created will actually also be included though because of how cloning works.
	+ Drew clarified how cloning humans works, using in vitro baboon fertilization.
	+ Josiah asked how that applies to World Wide Walk, which is essentially just a copy-paste of Stephen Ave around the globe.
* Drew worried that he would be losing what makes Calgary so special to him if it was cloned around the globe in World Wide Walk.
	+ Josiah countered by asking if he loses what makes Calgary special or if he just gains more Calgary.
	+ Drew confirmed that that is indeed the question, and pondered whether too much Calgary is indeed a good thing.
	+ Josiah asked whether one can ever have enough Calgary, and added that he personally hates Calgary and thinks it's a terrible place.
* Josiah played voluntary devil by asking Drew to please ask whether World Wide Walk should be set up above/below World Wide Train (noun) so that it's sort of a mixed-use area going around the Equator or whether World Wide Walk should go into space and then elongate the planet into more of an egg or pill shape so there will thus be two equally-sized Equators next to each other: one Walk, one Train (noun).
	+ Drew immediately threw out the first option and stated that he would only be considering the second option, because the first option did not seem realistic. If World Wide Walk was under World Wide Train (noun), it would be roofed in, which is no good. If World Wide Walk was on top of World Wide Train (noun), you would be high up, so if you're walking along with your sweetheart and someone comes rollerblading by, you would risk tripping and flying off the edge of World Wide Walk and dying, plus kids would run over the edge to their deaths, plus you end up limiting the area where you can have businesses along the sides of World Wide Walk unless you have sky businesses. With that option out of the way, Drew asked whether they could just squish the Earth slightly to push the poles outwards instead of pulling the poles to stretch it out.
	+ Josiah pushed back on this because squishing the Earth would not allow space for a side Equator for World Wide Walk. The only way to achieve that is by pulling the Earth to stretch it out in the middle and allow for enough space to create a side Equator for World Wide Walk alongside World Wide Train (noun). In doing so, Josiah out-deviled the devil. He then asked how they endeavor to pull the Earth to stretch it out.
	+ Drew suggested they use a hook like a giant version of a screen door opener attached to both poles of the Earth. Satellites in space would then pull these hooks while screen doors in space slam shut to enact the pulling mechanism of the hooks.
	+ Josiah pointed out that, like with hillbilly tooth extraction, they have to ensure that the poles are not loose on the Earth or the hooks will run the risk of yanking them clean off the Earth. They have to be tight on the Earth so that the screen door only serves to stretch the Earth out slightly on both ends. Josiah suggested the doors do not necessarily need to be that big because of how distance works in space along with size.
	+ Drew said it would work with a garage door as an alternative.
	+ Josiah asked if it would need to be a slow or fast door close. They then came to the understanding, though, that it doesn't matter much if it hurts because it is not someone's tooth, but rather the Earth. If both doors slam shut at the same time, the Earth will stretch successfully into an egg or pill shape. This may actually leave enough room for three Equators, in which case there could be parallel World Wide Stephen Avenues on both sides of World Wide Train (noun).
	+ Drew suggested that the other World Wide Walk be World Wide Stephanie Avenue.
	+ Josiah, loving this idea, emphasized that it would not be segregation to split the genders up into two separate World Wide Walks, but that you rather would not want to run into your significant other when you're out with the boys, for instance.

## Notable Events

* This episode's Seg-Mind involved inhaling as deep as you can, then holding your breath, then listening to as much of *Alberta Bound* by Paul Brandt as possible while still holding your breath. Drew ended up holding his breath for about four minutes.
* World Wide Stephen Avenue
* The future utopia world may be renamed Calgary.
	+ The World Wide Train (noun) will thus become a CTrain, like the light rail transit system in Calgary.
	+ Drew revealed that he wants to change the name of the world to Josiah because he loves it so much.
	+ Josiah revealed that he wants to change the name of the world to Calgary-If-Drew-Doesn't-Exist.
* World Wide Calgary
* This episode saw the usage of the first voluntary devil, whereby Josiah requested for Drew to play devil on him.
* World Wide Stephanie Avenue

## Notable Quotes

### Josiah

* "Can you do any accents, maybe? Cause we represent the whole globe here. Not just Canada."
* "[On the topic of which accent Drew should do] White ones, cause you're white. I only think you should do a white accent, and I know that you were asking if you could workshop some of the others, but I'd like you to do a white accent."
* "White. Do a white accent. Can you do any white people accents?"
* "This is a podcast for the entire globe, OK? Capisce? This podcast is for the entire globe, it's not just for white people. But it's hosted by two white people, and so to do this I think we need to try to do some accents to reach some other white people and eventually we'll have other people on who can do accents for their own culture so it's not problematic but I was wondering if you knew how to do any accents to the intro but I didn't want you to do non-white ones because I think that's really inappropriate."
* "Are you from the Dumbfuck region. Of Ireland? Dumbfuck? Is that a place? Seems like it could be Irish."
* "[In response to Drew's accusation that he's making fun of Australians] I'm certainly not. Every time you speak, people think you're making fun of them because you're sort of this aloof cool hipster guy type of guy, just because you're always getting - you're always knee-deep in BEEP with the ladies, and you're always snorting so much of you-know-what, and you're always wearing an American Apparel hoodie, and people get you confused with American Apparel founder Dov Charney when you walk down the street. You think that you're such a cool guy and you're just constantly breaking hearts and getting laid. People think of you as the king of the hipsters and you ride a fixie bike and you use mustache wax. And just because of all that stuff is everything you say is sarcastic and when you speak about something, people think you're making fun of it, but I know - I think that some Australians are not pieces of shit, some of them."
* "Are you high on cocaine right now?"
* "Have you been DJing all night?"
* "And where are you right now? At a brothel?"
* "Is your apartment a brothel?"
* "[In response to Drew saying he has a normal non-brothel apartment] So brothels are not normal to you?"
* "[In response to Drew adamantly declaring that he does not go to brothels] Why not? You don't recognize that as real work?"
* "So I'm here with Drew. He's a nasty pervert and he's king of the hipsters. He thinks he's so cool, he's always listening to the band Justice, and he's wearing a zip-up hoodie with diamonds all over it, and he's doing cocaine constantly. Whenever he's not speaking, he's snorting cocaine, and he's here. He's sort of the bad boy of journalism, he's kind of a Vice Magazine style co-host, gonna help us get to the gritty level of access that you don't normally get from regular blue-check journalists like myself, and we're here to talk about politics and understand hell world of Globe Hell Warning."
* "Can you even see with those shudder shades on that you're wearing right now?"
* "Tell me everything you're wearing right now. Start at the top and go all the way to the bottom."
* "If Drew's having fun, that means somebody's getting hurt. Hearts are getting broken. Punching down is a big part of Drew's fun. People who are just into light diaper play get their lives ruined."
* "Yeah and the only cure is more cowbell."
* "You're breaking! You're breaking! You're the Jimmy Fallon of our dynamic cause you're breaking so much."
* "You think I'm doing this for fun? Fuckin scumbag."
* "So what did you eat for lunch today, Drew? Was it a bowl of your own diarrhea?"
* "Oh no... Drew, are you doing the breathing holding exercise or are you - did you - I did - I didn't mean what I said earlier, I'm really sorry. I was just feeling a little bit kind of I don't even know, I was just feeling feisty, I was - crossed a line, I'm sorry. If you can hear me, please, you can stop holding your breath now. I'm really worried about you. Please, it's not humanly possible to hold your breath for this long. Especially with this music playing."
* "We're bound by the vast wheat fields of Calgary, Alberta, Canada, where we were both born and raised, although I wasn't born or raised there. Lived there momentarily. Didn't really like it."
* "[On the topic of the world-renowned historic Calgary Tower] I heard, pray tell, that you were banned for trying to jack off on the glass floor. But I don't know if that's true or not."
* "[On the topic of where he heard that Drew was banned from the Calgary Tower for trying to jack off on the glass floor] No I overheard the emp - it was - well it was actually a guided historic tour of downtown Calgary, and it was a young gal, I think she belonged to Lunchbox Theatre or something. She was in character, as kind of an old-timey early Canadian settler, and she was doing a guided tour in character, and then she briefly broke character to tell the other people sort of a warning about a guy that looked a lot like you. She just said, 'I'm gonna break character momentarily and warn you about the Calgary Tower Jacker'. And so I overheard her telling them that, and she was also telling me. So I guess I directly heard it too. And also you were in the elevator jacking off."
* "Well, World Wide Boy is still serving the function of - is still functional in terms of he's sort of pushing the agenda of the World Wide. I mean, World Wife serves a function of trying to get you to not be so uptight, and to kind of let loose, and let load out every once in a while."
* "You're always trying to turn this into *Monty Python*, because you love to quote *Monty Python* to me all the time. You call me in the middle of the night and start quoting these really annoying - [interrupted by Drew's *Monty Python* shrubbery impression] - yeah, and I keep telling you I don't know what that means. And I also ask you to put some clothes on if you're gonna video-chat me like that."
* "Can you just shut the fuck up for a second, please? Can you just shut up?"
* "Listen, I don't - if - you're getting so caught up on this Dole Whip and on how much you want to fuck a baboon, that it's really throwing me off here."
* "Please, Drew, please will you please be devil right now? And help me figure this out? Would you do me the honour of being my devil? To have and to hold."
* "I didn't know you were gonna be that devilish."
* "Are you mad at me?"

### Drew

* "[In an Australian accent] Wah cum to Gwobaw Wahmim."
* "I don't want this to be an anti-Australian podcast."
* "I don't go to brothels."
* "Guess what: Fuck you, I don't wear any shoes."
* "I'm the kind host!"
* "Yeah I'm just a normal person and I have a terrible disease called Josiah. It's ruining my life."
* "It's a podcast about World Wide and then we do a concept. To make the world a better place."
* "I have about 1600 followers on Twitter. I do this Globe Hell podcast. And I don't know, I hope I have a unique and sort of off-kilter perspective that I can bring to you with a little bit of a quirky sense of humour."
* "I'm not happy."
* "No let's do the fucking breathing exercise, all right?"
* "[On the topic of being born and raised in Calgary, Alberta, Canada] I was born and raised there. They call me Mr. Alberta."
* "[On the topic of going to Otafest] No, I - one time, I went to actually go see Dinosaur Jr and it was at Mac Hall in Calgary, Alberta, and Otafest was happening the same day also in Mac Hall."
* "Can I interrupt for a second about the things being functional? I mean, there's been a few that have been more conceptual, I think, like World Wide Boy is not really..."
* "[Doing a *Monty Python* impression] Is this a shrubbery!"
* "[Doing a *Monty Python* impression] No one expects the Sp - expects the Spanish Inquisition."
* "[On the topic of how cloning works] Well I think it's they take a part of your DNA and they splice it with frog DNA and whatever else they have, and eventually they just put those together and put em together like with a sperm and an egg just like with sex, and then they use a like a baboon to incubate the baby. And afterwards, they - well they take care of the baboon."
* "So with cloning, that's how it ends - they take care of that baboon. By the way, that's what we're gonna have to do when we vote, by the way, everyone. Take care of the baboon, get him out of office. I'm talking about Donald J. Trump."
* "I could go to Stephen Ave all over the world. So I could be able to go to Stephen Ave, Japan. So we're almost franchising Stephen Ave."
* "Well that's not how I feel at all and you're misconstruing what I said, as you usually do, trying to make me look bad, and it's really something I don't appreciate, it's something that pisses me off, something that we're gonna have to talk about after the show."
* "There's not a lot of places that are quite like Calgary in the world. That's one of the reasons it's always rated as one of the best places on the planet to live. That's why I'm proud to be from here, and part of the reasons why I love it is so I can go down on Stephen Ave and I can go to Earls."
* "Well you asked me to be devil, I'm gonna be Satan, all right?"
* "Let's get pulling."

## Trivia

* World Wide Walk is similar to World Wide Watch, in that World Wide Walk started as only World Wide Stephen Avenue but expanded to include World Wide Stephanie Avenue by the end, like how World Wide Watch started with converting only the current moon into World Wide Watch before the decision was made to build a second moon that orbits the Earth. Both ideas also involve astro-terraforming the Earth and moons, respectively.