A Regal Engagement

### Cast

Tom Burgess • Laurie Blake • Rosie Nicholls • Oli Davis • Luke Owen • Lolo Brow • Sullivan Beau Brown

### Roster

Tony the Milkman • Jurgen Flopp • The Denimatrix • Mable Syrup • Sargeant Beaver Bark • Silver Bro • Golden Joe • Ralph the Magician • Fats Bonebreaker • Fred the Postman • Duke Spookem • QC • King John

### Other people

Stable Stirrup • Nightmare • Platinum Pete

### Series

City British Wrestling series 2

**A Regal Engagement** is the third episode of the second series of City British Wrestling.

## Official synopsis

*It's Wrangling time - the biggest match in the CBW calendar comes back! On the line the chance to choose and opponent for the Colossal Tussle! All you got to do is throw everyone else over the top rope and survive the FLASHBACKS!*

### Calcium Chompionship match

At the Colossal Tussle eighteen years ago at the Calcium Chompionship match, Tony the Milkman and Jurgen Flopp faced off. Jurgen locked in a simple arm bar on Tony, who then reversed this. Tony attempted to pinch his achilles tendon but Tony was too powerful. Tony shouted at thre referee to ask Jurgen in German whether he'd tap out. Jurgen said no, in german, as he said he'd "never give up the milk distribution rights in the UK." Tony said being a milkman was about family, not just making kids' bones strong, and tried to transition into the Full Churn. This gave space for Jurgen to try and kick Tony in the head, but Tony was too fast. Tony tried a Cowboom move which missed so Jurgen tried to punch him in the throat. This was weak and Tony performed his Moosiah of the Backbreaker and pushed Jurgen down, but he slipped out. Jurgen did a German suplex on Tony and tried to punch him in the head, but Tony instead performed a Milkman Suplex and transitioned into a Full Churn. Jurgen said his mother would be angry with him, and quit.

Tony was declared the new Calcium Chompion. He said to Jurgen that in eighteen years, he would still be there as the Chomp.

### Regal Wrangle promos

#### The Denimatrix and Mable Syrup

In a rainforest in which it was snowing, The Denimatrix and Mable Syrup were seen swinging on vines with harnesses made of denim as sticky horses galloped underneath. They swung by maple trees and licked up the maple syrup as they went past. They said they'd enjoyed fighting alongside each other, and saw the Wrangle as an opportunity for further bonding. When Denim said that Mable was, underneath everything, a chaos monkey, Mable was taken aback. Denim asked her to be herself, but Mable retorted that Denim's confidence would be her downfall. They argued about how Mable had her lone wolf so she was never alone, while Denim didn't really have anyone. Denim told her to "take that back."

#### Silver Bro

Silver Bro sat solemnly in the communal locker room. He looked at a photo of him and Titanium Tina and thought about what he'd been through. He said to the camera that he'd spent his whole life coming second, and that maybe today he'd come first; The Winner Takes It All, as ABBA once said.

#### Golden Joe

Golden Joe was in a nightclub in his shades, celebrating his successful tag itle defense. He admitted that things hadn't gone so well and that he'd done some work on himself with the shaman. He saw the Wrangle as an opportuniy to get a new tag team partner. He said he'd dedicate the win to Dick Power Chewies and promoted the discount code "KID FLIPPZ."

#### Jurgen Flopp

Finally, Jurgen used the myth of Icarus and Daedalus to say that Tony made Kid fly to the sun with butter in his feathers, and thus killed his son as the butter melted away. He said he entered the Wrangle just to have a platform to get Tony to give him his fight. He claimed that if Tony did not fight him, he would force him to.

### The Wrangle begins

he winner of the Wrangle would be able o claim whaever match they wanted against whomever they wanted at that year's Colossal Tussle.

#### Jurgen Flopp vs Ralph the Magician

Jurgen entered first, walking eerily fast. He sat cross-legged in the ring. Then, Ralph the Magician entered with doves and rose petals. A giant top hat fell and covered he man entirely; a couple of stagehands lifted the hat up, and he had disappeared but appeared again behind Jurgen. Jurgen flipped around onto his knees and went straight for Ralph's balls, but he disappeared into a flutter of doves. The birds recoalesced into a man-like shape to distract Jurgen while Ralph grabbed him from behind. Jurgen tried to back him into the turnbuckle, but Ralph instead used his One-Trick Mind headlock. Flopp took out his wrench and bashed him in the stomach with it until he let go, and Ralph coughed up some blood and told him to use some imagicnation. Jurgen smacked him in the jaw with the wrench and a tooth flew out, then he suplexed him out of the ring, grabbing the top of his head as well as his balls to do so. After he was eliminated, Ralph said "spell you later!" and disappeared.

#### Mable Syrup enters

A mounty stepped onto the top of the ramp, followed by another, two more, ten more, hundreds more. They saluted as Mable appeared, lobbing sugar lumps and dog biscuits. The other Mables disappeared into the crowd and gave their clothes to other people; they were naked. The two shook hands, but Mable pulled Jurgen in and headbutted him. She apologised and tried to sweep him, but he jumped very high and tried to drop kick her. She attempted to block him but was lightly grazed by the kick. He came at her with his wrench to the back of her head and put a crossface on her.

#### Fats Bonebreaker enters

Fats Bonebreaker entered in a giant ribcage, cracked his knuckes and took slow, heavy steps to the ring. Jurgen offered to work together with Mable, but she refused and twatted him across the jaw. Fats wrapped her up in his Spine of the Times bear hug. To escpae, Mable tried her Pucker Up move in an attempt to hit him with a hockey puck, but he just squeezed tighter. Jurgen sat and watched. Mable crunched down on a capsule of maple syrup and slipped out, then launched the puck at Jurgen but missed. Jurgen threw his wrench and hit her already dislocated shoulder. So, Mable whistled for SBB who grabbed him by the throat. Fats crept up behind Mable and kicked her in the knee with his Absolutely Fibulous move. She responed with a Pancake Stack attempt while singing her song.

#### Golden Joe enters

On the Wrestletron was a montage of Joe learning to ride a horse. He emerged hrough the smoke on his new horse Steve, begging the audience to forget about his issues last week and to remember this instead. He did a promo in which he extended a peace offering to Mable in the form of a cake and begged her to be his tag partner again. This distracted her before her elbow drop which allowed Jurgen to slither out of the pile in his leather pants. He tried to give Bonebreaker a German suplex, but Fats lifted him up instead and prepared him for a powerbomb. Jurgen tore Fats' eyebrows off to stop this, and was dropped. Meanwhile, Mable refused Joe's offer but asked the name of his horse. Blinded with eyebrow pain, Fats used his Skelecopter and almost harmed the two horse riders. Mable passed her cake to a child and went for a Depot Driver on Fats. She then tried to Bunny Hug him with a hood over his face as Joe continued to try and persuade her. Fats went for a Lumbarjack suplex. Jurgen grabbed Joe by the hair and hurled him toward Fats, leaving him the only one standing up. He tightened his wrench on Fats' nose and began twisting, then lifted him up with the wrench and tried to throw him out of the ring. This failed but damaged Fats' nose significantly. Jurgen went over to Joe who tried to persuade him with a Belgian chocolate cake to be his tag partner, but Flopp decided to hit him over the head with a wrench.

#### The Delivery Boys enter

Fred the Postman and Tony the Milkman rushed down as The Delivery Boys, stripping off their coats as they went. They slid under the ropes and immediately hit their Signed, Sealed, Delivered move. Afer some playing to the crowd, they hit their Sorry We Misschinoku'd You move perfectly and flung Jurgen out of the ring as far as they could. They chased after him and brawled up the ramp. Joe said that Tony had saved him, and that he knew he was Kid's best friend.

#### Silver Bro enters

Bro walked down to the ring with more purpose than ever before. He handed over the tag belt to Joe, and stepped out of the ring. Both of his feet touched the floor, and he walked to the back. Joe interpreted this as everyone loving him.

### Bro's flashback

Bro cast his mind back to when he was nine years old, playfighting in the garden on a beautiful day with one of his friends from school. Platinum Pete watched, leaning against the fence. Bro's friend lunged in for a test of strength; being twice his height despite being the same age, Bro's friend dropped to one knee. Pete stepped forward before the boy fell and hit his head on a rock he hadn't seen. Pete stopped Silver from helping him, saying that the fight wasn't over. Despite this, Bro helped his friend. Something almost imperceptible changed in Pete's face as he looked at Bro, and he went back into the house.

#### Duke Spookem

Duke Spookem entered riding Nightmare as pumpkins descended. He lobbed a flaming jack-o-lantern into the ring, casting a ghostly orange hue. Before he went for a Nightmare move, Joe offered to be his tag team partner, and said they'd call themselves "Golden Joe and Friend". Joe went to hit Duke over the head, forgetting he didn't have one. Duke hit him in the head and flipped him onto the mat. Freaked out, SPB barked uncontrollably at Duke and chased him around the ring.

Mable turned to Joe to get him into a test of strength, and poked him in the eyes with the brim of her hat. In response, Joe flicked the hat off her head and dropped down to try and cower next to the ring post. She grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and tried to throw him out, causing his mind to cast back in time.

#### Golden Joe's flashback

On a cold, rainy day, Joe stood over a friend of his from school who was lying in the grass. He had just performed his ten-jab Golden Shower move, and felt the hand of Platinum Pete on his back. As the kid scrambled to his feet, Joe called for Bro who Pete had made sure would not be there. The boy lunged at Joe for a grapple so he got him in a takedown and told Dad he didn't want to do this. His father said nothing, so he hit the Golden Shower again and knocked him out. Pete said "that's my boy."

### Back in the ring

Joe was eliminated when Mable launched him over the top rope. He looked up to see if Bro would help, overselling the injury a bit, but Bro had already left. He put both tag belts on himself and trotted out on his horse.

#### The Denimatrix enters

Denim was meant to have a grand entrance on a denim swirly slide and multiple gimpacorns. However, she slid straight down the slide and passed on the choreography, confusing them. She picked up Fats Bonebreaker and shouted at Mable to get her shit together. Some blood came from his nose and landed on her face as she tossed him out of the ring. Duke was still being chased around the ring by SBB. Mable shook hands with Denim, who continued to criticise her for sticking too much to her arbitrary rules. Mable hit back with a Beaver Tail backhand to her face. Denim said she didn't have time for Mable, and instead smoothly shredded Duke's calf with her heel as he ran. His leg seemed to dissapear and he switched to hopping away from SBB. She tried to trip him but got the wrong leg. Mable threw SBB a sugar lump, told him to 'fetch' it, and winked. SBB raced up the ramp as Mable performed her Bunny Hug on Duke, launching him out of the ring and out of sight. She handed a denim maple leaf to Denim, which burst into flames and burnt Denim's hands. She licked them to remind the audience that she was nothing but gore and violence.

#### QC enters

QC waltzed down the ramp and told the two that there should be only one winner of the Wrangle. If they were not going to eliminate each other, he'd have to do it himself. He immediately went in to clothesline Denim and knocked her to the ground before kicking her in the ribs, which Denim let him do twice to show how management treated their wrestlers. As he lifted her, she looked to Mable to implore her to fight back, or the same would happen to her. In response, Mable rested against the turnbuckle and did nothing. He rope choked Denim, as she tried to kick her heel between his bollocks in a Low Low Pow move, but he snapped the heel off. She controlled his attempt to stab it into her forhead and was able to give herself a unicorn horn. She tried to headbutt him with it, but he whipped it out again.

#### King John enters

The Rightful King of Wrestling was carried out on a litter under an ermine bannner. He immediately went for his King's Landing on Mable, so she knelt down with her fist in the air. He landed on it on his stomach and was hit up into the air and out of the ring.

Meanwhile, QC got Denim over his shoulder for an elimination despite her attempt at an elbow, so she dragged her nails up his back and began to plait his flesh into a leash, causing him to let go. Mable did the Sargeant Major's Parade to confuse QC, but he was not confused. He went to get Denim up on his shoulder again, but she grabbed his loose back skin and used it to slam his head onto her knee twice, dazing him. Mable helped drag him and eliminated him herself to chants of her name and "for sure!"

Denim took Mable's waving hand, put it behind her back, and smashed her head against her knee. A little bit dazed, Mable grabbed Denim's hair and smashed her face into the floor. Denim was not able to do the same, so Mable flipped her up into a Depot Driver. She tried to follow into a wedgie but didn't have it in her to do the dirty work. After Denim licked up more blood, she picked up Mable's hat and punched through it into her face. Mable vomited a torrent syrup at Denim, who drank it. Denim once again brought Mable's head onto her knee to break her nose to the left. Mable retaliated with the Loonies, Toonies and Boonies; the mush sound of the Boonies alerted SBB who returned to the arena. Denim leaned into the hug and tried to launch Mable over the rope, but got stuck in the syrup. Mable told Denim to be polite and began to spin and tangle Denim into the ropes so her legs were outside the ring. Denim tried to grab her to pull them both out of the ring but couldn't
manage it. mable used her Border Integrity to dropkick Denim out of the ring and eliminated her.

Mable smiled and waved to the crowd, whistled for SBB and Stable Stirrup, did a flip onto Stable and rode out of the arena.

### Golden Joe under wrestle arrest

In Joe's dressing room, he drew championship belts in gold sharpie onto his 8x10s. Detective Hank 'The Hammer' Hankamer entered the room. Joe asked if he'd be his tag partner, but Hank said that Pete was pressing charges; he was under wrestle arrest.