The Caucus Race/Meeting Mac and Tosh

*(Once through the doorknob's keyhole in the bottle floating in the sea of tears now turned into an ocean, Lori sat around quietly until she heard someone singing in the distance)*

Lori: What was that?

*(She peeked from the opening of her bottle and noticed an albatross singing while sailing on an opened umbrella. And a bird was pushing him through the sea)*

Wilbur: **Oh, a sailor's life is the life for me**

**How I love to sail on the bounding sea**

**And I never, never ever**

**For the weather never ever does a thing for me**

**Oh, a sailor's life is the life for me**

**Tiddley-um**

*(He honks his nose twice)*

Wilbur: **Da dum dee-dee**

**And I never, nev....**

*(He suddenly sees Lori waving at him)*

Wilbur: Ahoy! More nautical expressions! Land ho, by Jove!

Bird: (Saluting) Where away, Wilbur?

Lori: (Confused) Wilbur?

Wilbur: (To the bird) Three points to starboard. *(To Lori)* Follow me, my friend! Have you at port no time at all now!

*(He chuckled and then began to sing again)*

Wilbur: **Oh, yo-ho-ho**

**And a bottle of sea**

**We love each time....**

*(Shrugging, Lori peeked up from their bottle and paddled away to where they're going. Then they saw a group of monkeys named Donkey Kong, Diddy Kong, Candy Kong, Dixie Kong, Bluster Kong, Funky Kong, and Cranky Kong on the shore. They were all running around a rock as they, the bird, and Wilbur were singing)*

Wilbur: **Forward, backward, inward, outward**

**Come and join the chase**

All except Lori: **Nothing could be drier**

**Than a jolly Caucus Race**

**Backward, forward, outward, inward**

**Bottom to the top**

**Never a beginning**

**There can never be a stop**

Wilbur: **To skipping, hopping, tripping**

**Fancy free and gay**

**I started it tomorrow and will finish yesterday**

*(Lori finally reached the shore)*

All except Lori: **Round and round and round we go**

**Until forevermore**

**Once we were behind**

**But now, we find we are....**

*(Lori gets out of the bottle and a wave washes her to their spot on the beach)*

Wilbur: **Forward, backward, inward, outward**

**Come and join the chase**

**Nothing could be drier**

**Than a jolly Caucus Race**

**Backward....**

*(Wilbur, the bird, and the Kongs suddenly saw Lori and ran to her to help)*

Wilbur: I say! You'll never get dry that way!

Lori: (Confused) Get dry?

Cranky: Of course, girl.

Funky: You have to run with us, babe.

Candy: First rule of the Caucus Race.

Lori: But, how can I...?

*(Then the Kongs got them to join in)*

Diddy: Now, that's more like it!

Bluster: You'll be dry in no time!

Lori: But no one can *ever*get dry this way!

Dixie: Nonsense!

Wilbur: I'm as dry as a bone already!

*(Lori took a closer look while running and realized he's right)*

Lori: I'll be.... You are dry. So this'll work?

Wilbur: Yep!

*(They ran some more until Lori collapsed in exhaustion on the grass near the beach. Wilbur's group came up to proudly)*

Funky: That was tubular, babe!

DK: Banana Slamma! You're dry already!

Lori: (Panting) Thank you....

*(Lori then saw Br'er Rabbit wash up on the beach, riding in an umbrella. He turned it over and was drenched in water)*

Lori: The brown rabbit!

*(She then called out to them)*

Lori: Mr. Rabbit!

Br'er Rabbit: Oh my goodness! I'm late, I'm late!

Lori: Hey, don't go away! I'll be right back!

Br'er Rabbit: I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!

*(Lori quickly shook Wilbur and the Kongs' hands)*

Lori: Thank you for drying me! Goodbye!

Wilbur's group: Goodbye!

*(Lori then ran after the rabbit into the woods. By the time he disappeared behind a tree, Lori made her way into the glade of the woods, calling out his name twice)*

Lori: Mr. Rabbit?! (Pondering) I’m sure he did go this way….He could be hiding around here somewhere.

*(Little did she know that there were two gophers hiding behind a bush. They both have brown fur, tan bellies, and white buckteeth. They watched Lori behind the bushes in confusion and curiosity)*

Lori: Where could he possibly be hiding?

*(They looked behind a tree. The gophers moved between the bushes and the tree, yet they were hidden within a shadow. As Lori turned toward an open log, the gophers moved next to the tree and they stood right behind them)*

Lori: Not here….

*(Lori knelt down to the log’s level)*

Lori: I wonder….

*(As she crawled into the log, the gophers looked at each other and skipped on top of the log in unison, before stopping in front of the other side of the log)*

*(Once Lori came out from the log, she stood still for a moment and brushed her shorts with her hands)*

Lori: I suppose he....

Gophers: Hello.

*(Lori finally noticed the gophers)*

Lori: Why, goofy gophers.

Gophers: Yes!

Gopher 1: Guess our names.

Gopher 2: Go ahead.

*(Just then, after thinking it over, Lori shrugged)*

Lori: Don't know. What?

Gopher 1: (Chuckling with his friend) The guess our name was just a joke!

Gopher 2: My name is Tosh and that is Mac.

Gopher 1: Contrariwise, I'm Mac and he's Tosh.

Lori: Well....Nice to meet you both.

*(They shook hands)*

Mac: If you think we’re made of wax at first with the guessing our names, you ought to pay to see us, you know.

Tosh: If you think we’ve come to life because of the guesses, you ought to say something to us if you didn't know.

Mac: Anyway, wanna see us do a trick?

Tosh: Yes, you wanna?

Lori: (Shrugging with a nod) Sure.

*(The gophers then hopped on the log and made themselves balance on it like a trapeze performer, humming a circus theme. Then they pretended to lose their balance, much to Lori's concern at first, but then they recovered and landed on the ground)*

Mac and Tosh: Ta-da! That’s logically marvelous!

(Lori applauded a bit)

Lori: That was literally cool. Got a little worried, but wow.

Mac: What is your name?

Lori: My name is Lori. Lori Loud.

Mac and Tosh: Nice to meet you. Welcome to Wonderland.

Lori: Wonderland?

Mac: Yes! It's a huge kingdom beneath the ground.

Tosh: And usually, the only way there is either through a magic rabbit hole or a magic mirror.

(*Realizing, Lori nods in an understanding way*)

Lori: Now if you'll excuse me, I must get going immediately.

Mac and Tosh: Why?

Lori: I'm following him.

Mac: Really? Follow him?

Tosh: Why are you following him?

Lori: Well, I'm curious to know where he's going. Just out of curiosity.

Mac and Tosh: "Curious?"

Tosh: The oysters were curious, too, Mac.

Mac: Yep, and you remember what happened to them, Tosh?

Tosh: Yeah. *(Sighs sadly)* Poor things.

Lori: What did happen to the oysters?

Tosh: It's kind of sad, but full of morality.

Mac: I don't think you can handle it.

Lori: I have time.

*(Glad to see Lori becoming interested, Mac and Tosh got happy)*

Mac and Tosh: Then we'll tell you!

*(Lori sat on the log to listen. Mac and Tosh began)*

Mac: The Piggy Bank and the Dinosaur!

Tosh: AKA The Story of the Curious Oysters!

*(They then began dancing and singing)*

Mac: **The sun was shining on the sea**

**Shining with all his might**

Tosh: **He did his very best to make**

**The billows smooth and bright**

*(The scene then faded to within the story with the sun and moon together in the sky at the beach and it's half day, half night)*

Mac: **And this was odd because it was**

Mac and Tosh: **The middle of the night**

*(Two figures emerged from behind a stone on the night side of the beach as they were walking side by side into the day side. One is a pink piggy bank with beady black eyes, black eyebrows, black hooves, and a cork in his belly. He is Hamm. The other is a green toy dinosaur with white trimming on his belly and tail, olive toenails, white sharp teeth, white eyes with black pupils, and a poseable neck. He is Rex)*

Mac and Tosh: **Hamm and Rex**

**Were walking close at hand**

**The beach was wide from side to side**

**But much too full of sand**

*(As the two were walking, Rex’s tail sank into the sand and he yanked it out, only to discover that his tail was full of sand. He then shaked his tail, before a huge pile of sand, shells, and a starfish came out of it)*

Tosh: "Hamm," said Rex, "My brain begins to perk! We’ll sweep this clear in half a year, if you don’t mind the work!”

Hamm: Work?!

*(He cleared his throat)*

Hamm: The time has come....

Mac: Hamm said....

Hamm: ....To talk of other things. Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings.

*(Then he began singing)*

Hamm: **And why the sea is boiling hot**

**And whether pigs have wings**

*(Hamm then skipped around Rex and swiped his hammer, much to the dinosaur’s befuddlement)*

Hamm: **Calloo-Callay, no work today**

**We’re cabbages and kings**

*(With Rex’s hammer, Hamm pulled Rex out of the sand, sending him toward a rock near the ocean. Rex’s head splashed into the water as his hammer landed right next to him, and he opened his eyes to see an old oyster and her sleeping baby oysters with a hungry expression on his face. That frightened the aquatic creatures and her little ones, causing them to hide in their large green and small violet shells altogether. Once he dipped his head out, Rex whistled loud enough to grab Hamm’s attention and pointed to the ocean. He even licked his lips hungrily as he rubbed his slender stomach. It had indicated that he had found food for them. Hamm, also licking his lips in hunger, frantically ran across the sand before stopping to see Rex trying to get in the water with his hammer on hand. He yanked the dinosaur by the neck with his cane and placed him back on the stone, giving him a bonk on the head with it and wagging his hoof back and forth. Then, Hamm walked into the ocean as he twirled his cane and stopped in front of the shells. The baby oysters took a quick peek, before closing up their shells again. Hamm’s cane tapped two times each of the first two oyster shells, and Hamm bowed to show respect to the old oyster and her precious babies)*

Hamm: Oh, uh, oysters. Come and walk with us. The day is warm and bright. A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk would be a sheer delight.

*(Hamm’s offer of a walk on the sunny beach made the baby oysters open up their shells again and had happy smiles on their faces. Just then, Rex submerged his head back into the water to speak)*

Rex: Yes, should we get hungry on the way. We'll stop and, uh, have a bite.

*(That irked Hamm and made him hit Rex on the head many times with his cane, even though the two were underwater. He didn’t want their grand plan to backfire on them all because of Rex’s foolish mistake)*

Mac: But Mother Oyster winked an eye and shook her head sadly.

Tosh: She knew that this was no time for her to abandon her beautiful green shell and her lovable oysters from the deep blue sea they had called home.

*(At the same time Mac and Tosh said this, Mother Oyster did this and glanced at a calendar hanging right next to her. It had the month of March with the thirty-one days shown to Hamm and Rex)*

Mother Oyster: The sea is nice. Take my advice, and stay right here.

Tosh: Mom said.

*(Hamm was unamused by what Mother Oyster had just answered, and he rose up from a stone he had sat on a moment ago)*

Hamm: Yes, yes, of course, of course, but....

*(Hamm chuckled as he shut Mother Oyster’s green shell with his cane, thus not taking her advice. He was now ready to lure the baby oysters out of the ocean, with a pleasant song, of course)*

Hamm: **The time has come, my little friends**

**To talk of other things**

**Of shoes and ships and sealing wax**

**Of cabbages and kings**

**And why the sea is boiling hot**

**And whether pigs have wings**

*(A pinch on the cheek from Hamm made one little oyster blush and giggle, with the other smiling at it)*

Hamm: **Calloo-Callay**

**Come, run away**

**With the cabbages and kings**

*(After Hamm sang these three lines, he held his cane like a flute and started playing it. The little oysters heard the whistling tune and joyously followed him in a single file line, as they had hopped out of their beds. The song had also lured some fish in the ocean, though they chose to stay there afterward. While Homer had returned to shore with the little oysters still in line, Rex was gathering ship debris that had been abandoned on the sandy shores and considered using them to build a seafood restaurant for them. The little oysters were skipping merrily on the sand as they were still close behind Hamm, who was still using the cane as a flute to keep them close to him. Rex built the seafood restaurant out of the ship debris at a very rapid speed, just in time to let himself, Hamm, and the little oysters inside. A slate-colored sign in the shape of a fish had the words “fish dinners” written in purple as it was hanging above the door. Once everyone was inside the restaurant, Hamm tied a light blue handkerchief around his neck as he and the little oysters were sitting at a picnic table that had a white-and-red-striped tablecloth on it)*

Hamm: Well now, let me see....

*(Just then Rex took a seat and held up a knife and fork with a hungry expression on his face. Hamm had something else in mind for Rex)*

Hamm: Ah, a loaf of bread is what we chiefly need!

*(Giving him a wink of approval, Rex dashed out of the table and into the back room, which was a kitchen for him to make the food. Hamm had a greedy smile on his face as he held two of the baby oysters in his right hand, only to see Rex open the two doors to ask him)*

Rex: Listen, how about some pepper and salt and vinegar, huh?

*(Hamm frantically put the oysters down and held up the menu)*

Hamm: Well, yes, yes, splendid idea! Very good indeed.

*(Once Rex went back into the kitchen, Hamm placed the menu back on the table)*

Hamm: Now, if you’re ready, Oysters dear. *(Chuckles)* We can begin the feed.”

Mac and Tosh: (Concerned) Feed?!

*(Hamm then picked all the oysters up)*

Hamm: Oh, yes. The time has come, my little friends, to talk of food and things.

*(Meanwhile, Rex was whipping up a special sauce for Homer to dip the oysters in and slicing a whole loaf of bread with a saw, as he sang a short little tune)*

Rex: **Of peppercorns and mustard seeds**

**And other seasonings**

**We'll mix them all together**

**In a sauce that's fit for kings**

**Calloo-Callay**

**We'll eat today**

**Like cabbages and kings**

(With a bottle of vinegar on his head and holding a tray the bread and sauce with his right hand, Rex whistled as he merrily approached the table and placed the tray onto it)

Hamm: (Wiping his tears away) I, I weep for you. I.... *(Hiccups)* Oh, excuse me. I deeply sympathize, for I’ve enjoyed your company, oh, much more than you realize.

*(Little did Rex notice that Hamm was full, as he had eaten more than a bite while he was gone. Rex held up a fork and knife eagerly)*

Rex: Little Oysters? Little Oysters?

Mac: Unfortunately, an answer came none....

Tosh: This was quite odd for the dinosaur....

*(As Rex crawled onto the table and peeked from behind the menu. His eyes suddenly widened in shock and his jaw dropped down in reaction to the discovery: Every one of the oysters had been eaten by Hamm)*

Mac and Tosh: They've been eaten, everyone.

*(Hamm was sweating apprehensively as he slowly tiptoed and grabbed his cane, letting out a short nervous laugh. However, Rex’s face was turning red as he was glaring at the piggy bank with his hammer out, as he wanted to seek revenge on him for eating all of the oysters before he had the chance to try at least one)*

Hamm: The time has come!

*(He darted through the door at a rapid pace. The furious Rex chased right behind him, swinging his hammer in an attempt to hit Hamm as the two were running down the sandy beach. Once the two had disappeared into the night, the sun and the moon reappeared with the faces of Mac and Tosh and they sang the very last line)*

Mac and Tosh: **With cabbages and kings**

*(Back in reality, the gophers landed on the grassy terrain once the story was over, and they stood up with their index fingers pointing upward)*

Mac and Tosh: The end!

*(Lori applauded happily)*

Lori: That was a very sad, yet beautifully told, story.

*(After the applause finished, Mac and Tosh spoke up)*

Mac: And there’s a moral to it.

Tosh: Indeed.

Lori: Oh, yes, there’s a very good moral indeed. If you happen to be an oyster.

*(She got up)*

Mac: So, what about you?

Tosh: What's your story?

*(Later, Lori has explained her journey so far)*

Mac: Wow, so that's how you got here.

Tosh: Well, if you want, we could show you the way through Wonderland if you like.

*(Mac nods in agreement. Surprised, Lori spoke up)*

Lori: Really? Are you sure?

Mac and Tosh: Yep!

Tosh: We'll both go with you.

Mac: We'll help you find out where that rabbit is going and then help you get home to this London.

*(Full of gratitude, Lori thought it over and nods)*

Lori: Very well.

Mac and Tosh: Thank you!

*(They begin walking to the right direction where Br'er Rabbit disappeared through)*

Mac: Wanna hear from me and Tosh the story of Father William?

Lori: While we walk?

Mac and Tosh: Yes.

Lori: Sure.

*(Then Mac and Tosh began to tell the story of Father William to Lori as they walked deeper into the forest)*