The Colossal Tussle (episode)

### Roster

Cudge Mulligan • Grout • The Spyderman • Dragon Mask IV Dark • Pontisaurus Fex • Girder • Pylon • Golden Joe • Silver Bro • Tony the Milkman • Kid Flippz • Apex • The Denimatrix

### Series

City British Wrestling series 1

***The Colossal Tussle*** is the fifth and final episode of the first series of City British Wrestling.

## Plot

This episode was set in an open air stadium with a top grade speaker system.

### Colossal Russell Memorial Battle Royale

The evening began with the Colossal Russell Memorial Battle Royale, featuring Cudge Mulligan, Grout, The Spyderman, Dragon Mask IV Dark, and Pontisaurus Fex. Mulligan emerged riding a gigantic unicycle, a barbell balanced on his nose. He jumped into the ring and did a few lifts. Grout entered to the overwhelming noise of every toilet in the building flushing at once, and arrived in a giant toilet on wheels. The Spyderman swung down to the ring on a rope while spraying cans of silly string from his wrists, while Dragon Mask 4 entered by jumping up from a mechanised spring in the floor as a 70s anime opening played on the Wrestletron. Finally, Pontisaurus Fex entered in a popemobile alongside velociraptor priests in burgundy robes.

On the bell, Pontisaurus began mauling Dragon Mask and slammed him on the canvas repeatedly, then swept Mulligan off his feet with his tail. However, Mulligan grabbed the tail and began swinging him around the ring Super Mario style. This was eventually caught by the Spyderman who used it to almost send Dragon Mask over the ropes. He launched himself back across the ring to headbutt Grout and almost knock her out of the ring. Despite this, Grout attempted her move Splashback. Dragon Mask jumped high and stomped on her back, but found himself absorbed by Grout's body and constricted before she attempted to throw him over. Dragon Mask again launched himself to headbutt Fex, who spit green mist into his face and caused Dragon Mask to miss and almost go over the top rope again. He ran at Fex and tried to use his black vomit to counter the mist, but Fex did his finishing Mass Extinction Event brain buster move and slung him over the top rope. He landed on the floor where Fex's velociraptor cardinals swarmed and obscured him from view, and he was eliminated.

Fex charged at The Spyderman and tossed him with his mouth. Spyderman turned to Grout, his supervillain enemy. He threw her into the ropes and tried to take her over the top rope with a clothesline. She climbed back over and did a Showerbomb, but he countered this and threw her over the rope a second time. Once again, she escaped and attempted a Bathroom Stone move, but he got out and sprayed her in the face with his silly string and clotheslined her. However, she went for her Tile Driver finisher and threw him. He drop kicked her and she fell over the top rope.

While Cudge was getting in his presses, Spyderman tried to silly string him, but Cudge ripped the string off him, crunched his barbells over his knee, smashed him with them and threw him over the top rope. The superhero went for another Spyder-Canrana with a build-up and spray of silly string into the crowd. Cudge went cartwheeling across the ring as Spyderman tried to drop kick Fex. However, Fex did his Baptism of Fiery Destruction move and threw Spyderman out of the ring to face the raptors.

Fex mauled Mulligan, pinned his arms and went for a fisherman suplex in an attempt to eliminate him. Mulligan used his acrobatic prowess to land on the top rope and struck Fex on the head with one of his barbells in an attempt to give him PTSD from the meteors. However, Fex dodged and whipped Mulligan of his feet with his tail, then flung him over the top rope. Mulligan landed on his hands, however, and began walking around the ring like this. He flipped himself back onto the top rope and used his Cannonball move, but Fex caught him in his mouth and started chewing, then spat him out. Mulligan, still in ball form, bounced off the ropes and came back at Fex, then tried to throw him over the top rope. The Pope's cardinals caught him outside the ring and threw him back in. While Fex charged, Mulligan charged up his Gentleman's Relish move, but Fex dodged the punch. With tiny-arm Tai Chi, Fex tried to use Mulligan's momentum to get him out of the ring. Mulligan avoided this and Charlotte Flared him over the rope, but Fex used his tail to pogo back in. He ripped his hat off and superplexed Mulligan out of the ring. Mulligan landed on the tips of his muscular mustache, returned to the ring and tried the Gentleman's Relish again. Fex placed a blessed cracker in Mulligan's mouth and used his Mass Exctinction Event finisher, but Mulligan clattered one of his muscular thighs against Fex's dome and threw him again over the top rope. Fex landed on the apron and dragged Mulligan with him, then used his tail to swipe Mulligan off and win the match. Fex recieved his Colossal Russell replica and bit it, then left in his Popemobile with his raptors and the carcasses of his victims.

### Tag Team Championship

The Constructi-Bombs entered first on the sides of a large cement mixer. They pounded a huge granite cube into the shape of a giant championship belt, then destroyed it. Then, The Precious Metals entered to their photo montage from last week to chants of "Bro! Joe! Bro! Joe!" They talked about how they would get gold, but that Silver Bro would keep his name because they still had a lot of tees to sell. Golden Joe and Girder were the legal wrestlers to begin with. Joe tried to amp up the crowd, but they seemed to not be picking up on the wholesome dynamic between the brothers. Girder pulled him to the floor and began stamping on him, so Joe grabbed her foot and pushed her over. He did a ForeJoe into her face and hit her onto the mat, and went to the turnbuckle to get a "Joe" chant going, then a "Bro" chant, and then tagged Bro as Girder also tagged Pylon.

Bro tried to put Pylon into a headlock, but she reversed it and he ended up with his own arm around his head. Bro Snapmared her over and kicked her in the spine, but her bones were so dense that the leather in his shoes split. Pylon lifted him up and hung him by his ankle and began pounding him in the stomach. He caught her fist and started squeezing, causing her to drop him. He then placed her in a more successful headlock before shoulder blocking her, but this didn't work. Joe told him to "stop being so flashy." Bro tagged Joe in and they prepared for a double shoulder block which knocked Pylon to the mat.

Joe ForeJoed Girder in the jaw to stop her being tagged in. He did a splash onto Pylon from the second rope, but she caught him in midair, pulled her into a rigid bar and hit him with a Tilt O'Whirl shoulder breaker against her knee. While Joe pretended to be beaten up for the fans, she ground her boot into his shoulder, staring at Bro as she did so. Bro called her "Py*dumb*" and she was taken aback, but brought a heavy fist into Joe's golden jaw. Offended by the harm caused to his money maker, he hit the Golden Shower on Pylon and ForeJoed Girder. He executed the Full Golden beautifully, which distracted the referee enough that Girder could sneak up on Bro and start squeezing his skull. Bro powered out of this, but Joe saw what was happening and his grip faltered as a result of memories with Bro he thought he'd pushed down. Pylon lifted him up and prepared him for her eponymous Pyldriver. Meanwhile, Girder brought two fists into either side of Bro's head, causing a crack in his skull. Joe kicked her in the head backwards, went for the Full Golden again and transitioned into a Goldenplex; Pylon landed badly on her neck. He shoulder dived to save Bro who had escaped Girder's attempt to roll him into a ball, and a blast of pain erupted in his shoulder as he knocked Girder down. He tagged Bro in.

Bro performed the Datson Axe Handle onto Pylon, which connected beautifully and caused a breakage. He tried to Silver Spooner her which he dedicated to Joe, but she became conscious and forced her sheer weight onto Bro, who dropped her. She curled into a ball and went for her Wrecking Ball move, but Bro ran away from it like Indiana Jones and flipped over her and caused her to collide with the turnbuckle. He cannonballed onto her. At the same time, Girder punched Joe hard in his wounded shoulder, and he hobbled over to the medics to get checked out. Bro tried the Silver Spooner on Pylon again and pinned her, winning the match and the Tag Team Champion title belt.

The brothers celebrated despite Joe's shoulder. Platinum Pete stood at the top of the ramp shaking his head, then came down to the ring. As he was about to speak, Joe hit his father over the head with the belt and knocked him to his knees. He did the Golden Shower on him while crying, and hit him unconscious with the belt. Bro grabbed his brother, but Joe walked up the ramp with the belt. Fight Nurse came in and maneuvered Pete onto a stretcher, and Bro walked out with them. Pete came to for a second, and whispered something in his ear.

### Kid Flippz vs Tony The Milkman

Kid Flippz and Tony the Milkman faced off for Tony's retirement match, in which he risked retirement from City British Wrestling forever. A figure who was not Tony entered to the sound of military drums and a bugle, riding on a bull. He wore a full milkman's uniform with military medals on it and bore a flag with crossed milk pint glasses on it. Bavarian milk maids drumming on milk pales and militarised milk floats with cannons shaped like milk bottles entered and fired, and as the Milkman's music hit a giant spinning set of udders descended and spurted milk. One of the udders excreted Tony, covered in milk, and he saluted. He spoke of his past alcoholism. Kid then entered from a manhole at the top of the ramp wearing a jetpack. Trailing behind him was a banner that said "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD." He rode on the ceiling with his skateboard in his tie dye coat, throwing Pop Tarts and pogs to the crowd. He urged his father to "think about home," and to lay down. Tony refused, and Kid took off his coat. They wished each other good luck.

On the bell, they shook hands. They backed off and circled each other, then Tony went for a lock up but Kid immediately rolled him up and pinned him. As the referee began to count, Kid thought about the first Sunday roast they'd have, glazed with milk. Tony thought that without wrestling he'd be completely lost. Kid imagined Tony's eyes at the roast, and saw that if Tony retired there'd be a part of him that would never come back. Tony thought about how wrestling and delivering milk led him to Kid. As the ref's hand came down for the three count, Kid released the hold.

Kid begged for Tony to lay down, but Tony refused so Kid went for the Live and Superkicking. It connected with the proud Tony and he fell to the mat. Kid hesitated, but tried to pin him again. However, on the two count, Kid released him once more. He told Tony to fight him as he wanted a whole dad to come home, not just semi-skimmed. Tony stood up to the task and rushed at him with an Irish Whip, but something went in his back and his left arm was taken out of action. Kid secretly asked "are you okay?" Tony told him to whip him to the ropes, but Kid whipped too hard and broke something else of Tony's. He fell face-first to the mat but refused to give up, as he wanted to give the City British public what they wanted. Kid hit him with the Clarissa Explains It All Moonsault and cracked something again. After Kid begged for Tony to hit him, he weakly hit him with a feeble forearm. Kid caught his arm, pulled him into a hug and tried a Spanish Fly, but he couldn't follow through. Tony tripped Kid, who set his dad up for the Fresh Prince, and felt something give in his dad's face as he did so. He said to his father "I'm sorry. I love you. Cowabunga." He then did his finisher, and landed full force on his father, dealing significant damage to his body. Tony told Kid he was proud, and that "being a dad is the best job I've ever had," before Kid hooked his leg and bellowed at the ref to count.

The count went through and Fight Nurse attended to Tony with several other medics. He stopped them from carrying him out of the ring and raised his son's hand. Tony was caught by Kid as he fell, and Kid raised his father's hand in return. Tony said to the crowd that they were like a second family to him, but that he had a family that was much closer; Doris and Kid.

### CBW Championship

Two wooly mammoths pulled Apex into the arena on a chariot, and he whipped them to make them trumpet into the air. He stalked down the ramp with his belt, put it down, and jumped over the ropes into the ring. The Denimatrix, bloody wounds still open on her scalp, walked in with the women of CBW; Girder, Pylon, Socratina and Grout, who were there for support.

As soon as the bell went off, Apex bodyslammed her and stamped on her body. She caught the bottom of his boot and went to twist his foot, but her elbow shot with pain from the previous fight. She caught his foot again but couldn't push him off, and he began to simply push down on her. He lifted her by her neck and squeezed her throat as she tried to rip his arms to shreds, but her fingernails broke. She decided to dribble so much that she could slide out of his grip, though it made her hair dank and wet. He hit her with a lariat and nocked her to the mat, so she log rolled away. She saw that her sisters were cheering her on. She splashed Apex from the ropes, using her zippers to gash his eyes. As he swung his arms around blindly, he by chance hit her and the turnbuckle knocked the wind out of her. As Socratina posed a complex ethical question to the referee to distract him, Denim broke the rules by using her whip to try and split the skin on Apex's skull, but the whip broke into little pieces of zip and Apex snapped back into focus. He lunged toward her, and they locked up. She let go and made him fall past her into the spiky zip whip fragments, and they became embedded in his skin. He scraped them from his face, pressed them hard into his knuckles, and swung for her face. This hit her but she stood strong with the zip bits now in her face. She headbutted him in the nose and knocked him back. She got him into a full nelson and forced him to the ropes, choking him, but she unconsciously relieved some pressure and he flung himself back up. He lifted her, ready for his Survival of the Fittest finisher. She reached inside her head wounds to cover her hands in blood, bits of stiletto and infected puss, and ground this into his eyes, allowing her to land on the mat instead of his knee. In turn, she split his nose against her good knee thrice, eventually caving in his face and bursting something. He collapsed on the mat and she pinned him to win.

The audience was elated that Denim had won. QC walked in, impressed. He recognised how much the audience were taking a shine to her. He handed her the belt, and said management would be watching her closely. She welcomed the women of CBW to the ring spoke to the audience, telling them that she was proud, and thankful they did not turn their backs on her. She said she would feel "under the reign of total DENIMATION." Her friends then carried her out of the ring, victorious.