FaKaua: The First World Tour/Transcript

[Opening credits are shown]

[We enter into the FaKaua house where Sally is strutting in the kitchen her new outfit.]

Charlotte: Wow, Sally, your outfit is *so* not pretty. Can I change it?

Sally: Uh…no!

Charlotte: Thank you.

[*"Makeover Time"* begins]

Sally: What?

Charlotte: *Sally, Sally*

*Let yourself get styled by me, by me*

*Oh my, that dress*

*Just doesn't do it, let me style it though*

*You deserve a rest, and some cookie dough*

*I'm gonna make you look so fabulous*

*Make sure you are lookin' so fantabulous*

*Get onto my bus*

*Beep beep, get on*

Sally: Where is this going?

Charlotte: *You will be stunning, just listen to this song!*

*I'm Charlotte, Charlotte*

*Anything you want, I'll style it, style it*

*Listen to me, to me*

*I'll do the styling, just sit back*

*Just watch some* [screeches a high note] *TV!*

[Lori's mug shatters]

Charlotte: Oui!

Sally: I just got a text from the agency. I gotta go! See ya! [leaves]

Ainslee: Sally was teaching Yashi and I new words!

Yashi: Don't go FAECES in your UNDERGARMENTS!

Ainslee: FAECES!

Yashi: UNDERGARMENTS!

Lori: Really? Sally's friend Aveline would be *so* disappointed.

[at the agency]

Kristy: So, Sally, we think it would be a really good idea for you to embark on a world tour.

Sally: Can I bring my friends?

Kristy: *Yes* - they will be crammed in a small space, but you may bring 4 of your friends and you'll be bringing your agent.

Sally: Yes! [checks her social media] Oh, I just saw something!

Kristy: Really? What? Is it related?

[at home]

Sally: [sprints in] WOOHOO! I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE...

Charlotte: What?

Sally: Er...

Yashi: I know what it is!

Sally: I'm thinking about what I love...

Ainslee: You need to THINK about that?

Sally: I love…uh…

Charlotte: Are you serious?

Sally: *I love it when you shut the flippity-floop up!* And if you shut up, I'll buy you the box set of the Princess Sadineloka movies!

Charlotte: Fine.

Sally: [goes to her bedroom]

[in Sally's bedroom.]

Sally: [texting] Guess what news I just got?

[zooms in on Sally's phone to her text and then transitions to the text Amethyst received on her phone, zooming out to Amethyst]

Amethyst: Squee! [starts a video call with Sally, Friedrich, Aveline, Betty and her] Sally, tell everyone the news!

Sally: Ermagersh, ermagersh, ermagersh! Guess what news I just got?

Betty: Did you win the unicorn onesie?

Sally: Even better. I'm going on a world tour AND Kristy said I can bring you along with me on the bus!

Everyone except Sally: Yay! Let's go!

[*"Get On The Bus!"* begins]

[in Sally's house]

Sally (off-screen): *Pack your bags, come on everyone*

Sally (on-screen): [sits on her luggage trying to make it fit] [groans]

Sally (off-screen): *Take some mags, let's get into the fun*

Lori: You're bringing everything except the kitchen sink!

Sally: Oops. Sorry, I must've forgotten that.

[in Amethyst's car]

Sally (off-screen): *Prepare for the ride, let's have the time of our lives*

Mrs Squipper: Sorry, Amethyst Squipper won't be able to go to school due to illness and needs at least one week to fully cure. I know it's the last week.

Sally (off-screen): *You only have one chance so always catch it while you can*

[at Friedrich's house]

Mr Schäfer: Due to a holiday we can't reschedule or cancel, Friedrich has to stay off school for the final week and won't return until the new academic year.

Sally (off-screen): *Just go with life's flow, don't make a big plan*

Mr Schäfer: Sorry for the inconvenience.

Sally (off-screen): *Inspiration is your vehicle's fuel, asides from gasolation*

[shows Aveline and Betty's parents inaudibly talking on the phone at the same time]

Sally (off-screen): *The tour starts right now*

[in Sally's house]

Sally (on-screen): Charlotte, you're not going WITH me! I'll bring you stuff back!

Charlotte: But…but…but…

Sally (off-screen): *So let's not fight now*

Sally: [picks up her comically large luggage] Bye!

[shows Sally walking to the bus stop]

Sally (off-screen): *Get on the bus!*

*Life's controlled by your decisions, don't be a wuss!*

[Sally walks up to and hugs Betty, Aveline and Amethyst]

Sally (on-screen): Hey girls!

Friedrich: [walks in] Hi. [kisses Sally]

Sally (off-screen): *Get on the bus!*

Sally (on-screen): Ew.

Sally (off-screen) *Life's controlled by your decisions, don't be a wuss*

*The adventure starts now!*

[instrumental break]

Aveline: Pardon, why do we have to wait at a regular bus stop?

Sally: Oh, yeah. Hmm.

Betty: I would assume it's the bus to where the tour bus is kept.

Friedrich: Why get on a bus to get to a bus? [they get on the bus]

[on the bus]

Sally (off-screen): *Why drive a mile?*

[Everyone walks upstairs]

Sally (on-screen): This is *so* trashy. I HOPE my tour bus is glam.

Sally (off-screen) *Get on the tour bus, and you'll be ridin' in style*

*Join the journey*

*You might even feel like never returning*

Betty: Wow, watch that view!

Everyone: Wow!

Sally (off-screen): *It's an adventure*

*The space is tight for sure*

*Let's just enjoy*

*Even if it's 4 girls and 1 boy (gross)*

*The tour starts right now*

[Betty farts]

Betty: [laughs] Sorry! Pardon me!

Sally: Er. Ma. Gersh. Did you just fart? It's stinking the whole bus!

Aveline: That was *not* very ladylike of you, Betty!

Sally: Grrr!

Sally (off-screen): *So let's not fight now*

Amethyst: Just stop fighting! It's her bodily functions, she can't control them!

[Friedrich snores]

Sally: Ewwwww! You're *so* loud!

Sally (off-screen): *Get on the bus!*

*Life's controlled by your decisions, don't be a wuss!*

*Get on the bus!*

*Life's controlled by your decisions, don't be a wuss*

*The adventure starts now!*

[cuts to the bus driver]

Bus driver: Will they stop bickering?!

Sally (off-screen): *Get on the bus!*

*Life's controlled by your decisions, don't be a wuss!*

*Get on the bus!*

*Life's controlled by your decisions, don't be a wuss*

*The adventure starts now!*

[cuts to the main gang with Betty and Friedrich asleep, Amethyst and Aveline reading magazines, and Sally listening to "Get On The Bus" in her earphones]

Sally (off-screen, faintly in earphones) *Get on the bus!*

*Life's controlled by your decisions, don't be a wuss!*

*Get on the bus!*

*Life's controlled by your decisions, don't be a wuss*

*The adventure starts now!*

Off-screen Sally and on-screen Sally simultaneously: *Yeah! It starts now!*

Bus driver: Get off the bus, get off the bus!

Amethyst: Friedrich, Betty, wake up!

Aveline: I'm just going to use the bathroom facilities, so wait for me. [she goes down and sees the bus driver] I beg your pardon, but can I please use the bus's bathroom facilities?

Bus driver: Yes, and no need to ask.

[Aveline goes to the bathroom]

Sally: Let's just go on down, we'll wait for Aveline too.

[They go down]

Bus driver: Please use the bathroom before you leave the bus just so you've gone.

Sally: [yawns] What time is it? [checks her phone] It's 4pm! We only got on at 8am! I didn't even know Sulba was this big!

[cuts to a time card]

Sally (off-screen): Like 20 minutes later.

[cuts to the teens walking to where the tour bus is kept]

Friedrich: I'm tired of walking!

Sally: Ermagersh, ermagersh, that's the bus! It's all pink! Just how I like it! [sprints onto the bus at a comically fast speed]

Betty: Calm down, Sonic.

Sally: This is *micro*! Ermagersh! Ew!

Madeline: Hi, I'm your agent, Madeline, and I'll be helping you all out.

Betty: [whispering] She intimidates me.

Madeline: No, don't feel intimidated! I just need to help you and keep you safe and make sure the agency is satisfied. May I show you to your sleeping chambers?

[she shows them all their sleeping chambers]

Betty: No! I don't like having 3 girls in one space!

Amethyst: It's not permanent.

Aveline: I already feel indecent in here.

Friedrich: Where do I sleep?

Madeline: You, being the only male, will be sleeping in a spare room.

Sally: Where do I sleep?

Madeline: You sleep at the back of the bus - in your own master suite. It may be absolutely micro, but at least you'll like it.

Sally: How many bathrooms do they have though?

Madeline: 3.

Betty: 3. And there's 6 of us…and a driver…

Amethyst: You'll just have to deal with it. Besides, I don't think all 7 would ever need to go at the same time.

Madeline: Anyways, ladies, you can check the place out, then it's off straight to bed!

Friedrich: I am *not* a lady!

Madeline: Everyone else is, so you'll just have to put up with being collectively referred to as "ladies". Check out the place, then it's ta-ra until morning!

[in the sleeping quarters]

Betty: [throws herself on the bed] Well, I don't mind this. It's kind of comfy.

Aveline: Someone like me *needs* a plush chamber with gaming consoles, but these beds, they are quite comfortable despite being crammed, while having 3 unrelated girls in one room is very unladylike.

Amethyst: Mm-hmm. I like the beds. They're so soft!

Betty: Well, shall we pick which beds to use?

Aveline: I need to not have someone sleeping above or below me.

Betty: I'm not sleeping in the top bunk!

Amethyst: Well then, I'll go take the top bunk. And Betty will be underneath.

[Betty flops into bed and falls asleep]

Amethyst: She must have been really tired then. [goes to her bed]

[Aveline goes to her bed and snuggles in]

Amethyst: [yawns] Goodnight!

Aveline: You too!

[cuts to Friedrich in the spare room]

Friedrich: It's an air mattress. Really? [collapses of exhaustion]

[cuts to Sally]

Sally: Er. Ma. Gersh. [yawns] I'm so exhausted. [flops into bed]

[cuts to a time card]

Sally (off-screen): The next morning.

[cuts to Madeline getting on the bus]

Madeline: [stirs her coffee] Rise and shine, ladies!

Betty: Oh. Hi. Good morning, Maddy.

Madeline: Good morning, and a very fine one it is indeed!

[Betty, Aveline, Amethyst and Sally all wake up and go to the main part of the bus]

Madeline: Oh my goodness! Girls, you still kept your clothes and makeup on!

Friedrich: [comes in] Guten Morgen.

Madeline: Hello!

Friedrich: Hallo.

Madeline: There's nothing on your schedule for today, but I believe today only, so enjoy your day! You can just spend it freely. Make sure to stick together and beware of paparazzi and stranger danger! [leaves]

Sally: Let's go to the beach.

[cuts to everyone looking beach-ready]

["*Beachside Dreams*" begins]

Sally: *Let's get our swimsuits on*

*Start playin' this song*

*Come on, why not come along?*

[the teens walk to the beach]

Sally: '*Cause it's like paradise*

*A beautiful sunrise*

*Just don't get sand in your eyes*

[at the beach]

Sally: *Let's live our beachside dreams*

Betty: This is livin'!

Sally: *You, my friends and me*

*In the sand with ice cream*

*Relax, no time to scream*

*What's your beachside dream?*

Betty: *To swim*

Aveline: *To swim, gracefully and prim*

Sally: *To lounge*

Amethyst: *To lounge undisturbed, not having to scrounge*

Friedrich: *To see hot girls in bikinis*

Snowi: [slaps Friedrich with her beach bag] Oh my god, maybe you should try and treat me like a friend, not a love slave!

Snowi's friend: Try building a long-lasting friendly relationship with her before you start a romantic relationship! Ugh!

Sally: It's just a song we're singing. Stop barging in before I start calling you an insult beginning with the second letter of the Latin alphabet.

Aveline: That was a disaster, why not go to the café?

Sally: I don't think a café is enough. I want lunch.

Betty: Greasy Gina's Fried Food Diner!

Sally: Fun! I love me some fried lunch!

[the gang enters in there]

Woman at counter: Out! Out now!

Amethyst: Why?

Woman at counter: You heard me! No shirt, no shoes, no service!

Sally: What do you mean?

Woman at counter: That boy there with the green hair! You!

Friedrich: What? I've been at the beach in my swimwear.

Woman at counter: No excuses! Out now! You're banned!

[everyone leaves]

Betty: Well, we're banned from Greasy Gina's Fried Food Diner.

Aveline: And it's all thanks to Friedrich!

Sally: Maybe we should go to La Cocina.

Betty, Amethyst and Friedrich: Yeah!

Aveline: I'll come, but I'm just letting you know that I won't be getting anything, because the last time I went to get Hispanic food, I went home and found myself locked in the bathroom for three hours doing some very unladylike activities!

[at La Cocina]

Waiter: Would you like to place your order?

Sally: Yep. I want a burrito.

Friedrich: I'd like a tortilla.

Amethyst: I'd also like a tortilla.

Betty: One word - [swoons] tacos.

Aveline: I'm not getting anything. Last time I went home and found myself locked in the bathroom for three hours doing some very unladylike activities!

Amethyst: You already said that.

[10 minutes later]

Waiter: Here's your burrito, ma'am.

Sally: [pushes out the filling] I'm putting my own filling into this burrito. [takes a sausage out of her bag, and puts it into the burrito] It's a hot dog but it's a burrito!

Friedrich: It honestly reminds me of-

Aveline: Okay, okay, we did not need to hear your crude opinions on the burrito hot dog Sally just made.

[the waiter visibly wets himself in the distance]

Betty: The service here is awful! [takes a piece of Sally's burrito]

Sally: Hey! That's my burrito! But you can have it because you're my bestie.

Betty: [slams her cutlery] I want my tacos and I don't want the waiter to be wetting himself on the floor! Awful service!

Amethyst: Sally, Betty's your bestie? Am I not your bestie too?

Sally: You are my bestie! But Betty is my bestie bestie!

Friedrich: What about me?

Aveline: What about I?

Sally: You all are! Let's just enjoy ourselves!

Betty: How can we enjoy ourselves when we don't have the food to enjoy? Huh?

Waitress #1: Oh my goodness! Is that FatAura? She's my favourite underrated pop singer!

Sally: Umm…my name is Sally.

Waitress #1: So FatAura's real name is Sally?!

Sally: Yeah…what?

Waitress #1: Glad to meet you! [pulls Sally up from the table and takes a selfie]

[The selfie slides off the screen to reveal a time card]

Sally (off-screen): At 10pm.

Betty: It was 3pm when we entered! I WANT MY TACOS! [slams her cutlery]

Waitress #2: [brings out Friedrich and Amethyst's tortillas and Betty's tacos] Here you go.

Betty: Mmm! Yum! [bites into her taco] This is disgusting! Very poor quality! Awful service! I'm leaving! [drags Sally, Amethyst, Aveline and Friedrich out]

[it begins heavily raining]

Sally: I had my hair all done up! It's ruined now!

Friedrich: Pull the back of your swimsuit over your head then.

Sally: Are you crazy?! I'm *not* gonna expose myself to the entire coastal area!

Betty: I'm angry!

Sally: Amethyst, do you have our phones and our coats in your bag? Because we put them in there.

Amethyst: Oh! I'm sorry! I don't have the bag.

Sally: *Noooooooooooooooo!*

Aveline: Calm down, we'll find something.

["*The Love Of My Life*" begins]

Sally: *I'm out in the rain*

*And inside's a lot of pain*

*I'm in a swimsuit with no shoes*

*I wish I knew*

*Worse than being grounded*

*I'm surrounded*

*By my friends*

*Yet I'm without the thing I love most*

*A sad girl by the coast*

[they begin walking to a bus shelter]

Sally: *At night,*

*with nothing to help me fight*

*No texting my mum to help me feel alright*

'*Cause I'm without the love of my life*

*My boyfriend, my girlfriend, my husband, and my wife*

*My king, my queen*

*It's all alone*

*Without my beloved phone*

*I'm without the thing I love most*

*A sad girl by the coast* [begins to lay down on the concrete and break down into tears]

Friedrich: Your *phone*? Seems a little dramatic.

Sally: Look, I'm not sure if you know this already, but…I'm autistic. You see, my phone helps me feel safe. Without it, I would probably end up harming myself. My phone helps me feel happy and keep me under control. My whole phone is a stim and it helps me feel better. The reason why I might have been dramatic is because autistic people have shutdowns sometimes when they're really upset. Just let me be by myself.