170: And Widely Spread Ankles

## Summary

The lizardfolk pirates board the airship in spectacular fashion and the party dive into the fray to defend the crew and passengers. The slippery Ricardo Ulysses makes his escape as Will does his best to stop him, but he can only slow him down. One of the wyrmlings spouts acid, severing one of the airship's envelopes and the ship begins to tilt backwards alarmingly.

## Synopsis

Dew begins firing at the wyrmling-riding shaman using his long bow. Hurt but undeterred, the shaman reaches out with his staff and summons vines with hard spikes and thorns which sprout up in a circle all around Dew.

Emanating from the roof above, where the ibish crew are stationed, a bolt of fire shoots out towards the lizardfolk, flying over their heads.

Batthwack climbs to his feet, having been knocked to the ground in the explosion. He quickly flicks through the cards in his *Deck of Illusions*, looking for a flying creature. He picks the Beholder card and throws it on the ground, but nothing happens.

Raphina is also prone following the explosion, so scoots over to the bunk room door on her bottom. She spies one of the wyrmling-riders from her position and casts *Call Lightning*. A giant cloud appears and a storm begins to rage. The dragon swoops to dodge the storm but a bolt of lightning singes one of his wings. The lizardfolk on the platform are also struck by powerful blasts of lightning.

   Now the dragon suddenly swoops forward towards the airship, the wooden platform swinging behind them. As they reach the ship, in what is clearly a carefully practiced manoeuvre, the ropes holding the platform are suddenly released and it crashes into the airship, spilling the lizardfolk warriors who were riding atop it inside. The platform plummets to the earth below. The Lizardfolk warriors carrying shields, some with clubs, some javelins, utter a battle cry *"Death to the ibish!"* in draconic. The lizardfolk shaman cries *"Take the ship! Leave no prisoners!"*

Will's focus is on the fleeing Ricardo Ulysses who he suspects to be in league with the pirates. From his position at the sleeping compartment door Will catches sight of Ricardo in the cabin and casts *Polymorph*, turning him into a mouse.

Two of the lizardfolk warriors immediately set about attacking Dew. Captain Ool pulls out a short wooden staff, grasping it with both hands and thumping it into the ground in front of him. The shimmering energy force of *Thunder Wave* radiates out from him towards two of the lizardfolk. One of them staggers back at the impact from this, and the other is completely bowled over onto his back and slides backwards off the edge of the airship. The other two lizardfolk warriors attack the captain and he is left bloodied and weak.

Meanwhile Ricardo in mouse form scurries off to the vines surrounding Dew and throws himself onto a thorn, killing himself. Thus, the spell ends and he is instantly transformed back into his natural halfling form. Winking at Will, he dashes off towards the front of the airship ducking and dodging attacks from ibish and lizardfolk alike.

Dew attacks the lizardfolk in close quarters with his dual morning stars. From above them on the roof, everyone hears an ibish cry that trails off and shortly afterwards one of the ibish lands in the captain’s area at the front of the airship, though they can't tell who it was. Batthwack runs through the cabin to tackle Ricardo, but the thief deftly flips out of the way. Then, noticing Captain Ool's dire situation, Batthwack casts *Sanctuary* on him.

Raphina bounces up through the trapdoor and onto the roof of the airship, finding Eba sprawled on the ground motionless. Hovering before her in the air are the two dragon wyrmlings and their riders. Raphina recites a *Prayer of Healing* and there is a gasp from Eba as her chest begins to rise and fall again. The wyrmling-riders screech in anger *"Kill that bitch!"* and pull back on their wyrmling's reins, rearing up their heads. A green glow forms in the wyrmling's mouths before spewing a gout of acid towards Raphina and Eba.

Raphina rolls on top of Eba, shielding her with her body, getting burned in the process. Acid spills down the trapdoor and burns through the ropes securing the rear envelope, which sails off up into the air. Now with its rear half unsupported by a balloon, the airship begins to tip dangerously backwards.

## Trivia

* The episode title quotes Eric. At one point, he refers to Greg as *"the webmaster of goatse.com"* and Greg says he can't actually remember the context of the joke and asks *"Could we get a recap for the goatse part?"* Eric, in a parody of KT's own recap song parody, sings to the tune of My Favourite Things, *"Strong grasping fingers and widely spread ankles"*

## Gallery

*Main article: The Art of Pork Fried Dice*
*"The artistry, it's breathtaking"*