If Drinks Were People

***"Is it because I’m black?"* — Black, "If Colors Were People"**
This content has mature content that may not be intended for minors or it may be offensive.

**Note**: There is a character that is named Beer, Liquor and Wine. Which are adult drinks
This page was last edited on December 10, 2023, at 0:21:52.

## If Drinks Were People

What if Water, Coffee, Milk, Wine and other drinks planned a party?

### Director

Frank James

If Drinks Were People is the seventh episode of If Things Were People.

## Plot

Water tells that Uncle Tony is turning 50 and that everyone needs to figure out who will make the cut or join the party. Water says and agrees that he has to be there. Beer calls him the OG. Water says he comes out of faucets and says that wasn’t a question. Soda introduces himself and Water says they know and Soda keeps telling more about him but Water tells him they don’t need to explain themselves. Water says that some people need a soft option for people who don’t want to drink water for whatever reason. Soda thanks him. Water tells Beer he’s next. Beer says he has got new koozies and says he is working on a 6 pack. Water sarcastically calls it cool and says he doesn’t care. Beer asks if anyone got it and says because he comes in a 6 pack sometimes. Water tells him that everyone gets it and that everyone is not brain dead and tells him he’s in the party because Uncle Tony loves beer. Water then moves on to the duo that is a little more chemistry. Juice and Liquor. Juice says it is a lock and asks who is going to fill the punch bowl. Liquor asks what this was again. Juice reminds him and says Uncle Tony’s birthday party. Liquor says it is his birthday party and says he’ll be there. Water tells him that there are no arguments here and that they must get their proportions right cause Aunt Hilda may pass out again on the ottoman last year. Beer says he remembers that. Wine comes up and greets himself in a different language. Water tells everyone to look at Wine’s vintage. Wine says Uncle Tony will love the party so much. Then his clone appears and says he is one year old. Wine becomes rude and tells him he is a tiny baby and that he’s not old enough and asks him does he want people to spit him out. Wine then yells at him and tells him to get back to his cellar. Sangiovese cries and walks away. Then Wine talks gibberish and every drink gets confused and weirded out and start looking at him until he’s done. Water then says they will go to the trickier drinks. He tells Coffee everyone loves him but he gets cut by Coffee and Coffee guesses what Water was going to say. Then Coffee complains and asks Water how people are going to get their minds right are dipping their snoots and after all that spiked punch. Liquor starts muttering. Coffee then tells Water they need a cleanup guy. Water says he can handle that. Water asks what his weird cousin’s excuse is. Water complains at Decaf and Decaf says someone will ask for him and says there’ll always be one. Decaf then talks about some stuff about him. Beer then says it would be cheaper and taste better to drink gasoline. Decaf gets offended a little. Water tells Decaf he is in the party and then asks who they have next. Milk asks if he can be in the party and Water tells him that they aren’t serving milk in a party. Milk asks Water if Coffee gets to stay then why not him. Water tells him they got the creamer. Milk gets shocked by the creamer and says they’re bringing that when he says he has vitamins and minerals. Beer tells Milk nobody comes to a party to drink milk. Milk asks what about the children and says Uncle Tony has nieces and nephews and says they need a cold beverage. Soda says kids love him. Milk complains and says the kids need a drink that doesn’t have 45 grams of high fructose corn syrup sending them up the walls. Water asks what about Juice. Liquor disagrees and says he has juice himself. Milk says if it was up to all of them then they would have the 8 year olds doing keg stands and also says he is here to put his foot down and say no. Milk then says he does a body good. Water tells Milk he is lucky that Water is so tolerant. Milkshake asks what’s milk without a shake. Everyone gets confused and Water tells him he wasn’t invited and says he is too thick. Milkshake tells him there’s no such thing as too thick. Juice says his own opinion that anyone who spends too much time in a blender is sus. Milkshake sarcastically says he was surely freshly squeezed. Everyone else gets shocked and Liquor asks if Milkshake has a problem. Milkshake asks Liquor what he is gonna do and says he can’t walk straight. Milkshake tells everyone to show him respect. Milkshake complains and everyone gets confused and look at him. Milkshake asks why everyone is looking at him. Wine says his mustache fell off his face. Milkshake gets exposed and says fudge. Water asks what he is doing here then says his name, Liquid Antacid. Water says the wording might be a little confusing and says the beverage table is only for beverages. Liquid Antacid says everyone thinks their so great but then asks what they are really for. He points at Milk and says Lactose and then points at Water and says he sustains life and says he can’t really complain about him. He then says everyone might start the party but says he’ll keep it going. He ask everyone to put him out there to where people can see him and says people need him. Water asks every drink to vote on if Liquid Antacid will join the party and nobody raises their hand. Water then tells him to go back to the medicine cabinet where he belongs. Liquid Antacid sarcastically tells everyone to enjoy their lame party and calls everyone losers. Coughee comes in the room and greets himself. Everyone stares at him then Coffee looks at him angrily. Liquid Antacid tells him to forget the plan and that they figured it out. He then tells Water to not talk to him. Then Liquid Antacid and Coughee leave the room and Coughee says he can get crazy at parties. Ending the episode.

## Characters

### Drinks

* Water
* Beer
* Soda
* Coffee
* Liquor
* Juice
* Decaf
* Wine
* Milk
* Liquid Antacid
* Cough Syrup
* Sangiovese (One Year Old Wine)

### Unseen

* Uncle Tony
* Aunt Hilda

## Trivia

* This is the first canon episode to feature a thing/object to have a nametag who’s name is a different color other than black. Those being Water, Sangiovese, Wine, Soda (The Shadow is a different color), Liquid Antacid (Disguised as Milkshake) and Juice (The Shadow is a different color).