Episode 11: Dick and Johnson Save the North Pole (Christmas Special)

## Dick and Johnson Save the North Pole

Also known as "Dick and Johnson Save Christmas" or simply "The Christmas Special"

### Guest Appearances:

Bonnie Gordon - Britney Spears and Mrs. ClausDavid Reynolds - Fin Diesel

Havana Mahoney - Dr. Manhoney

Matt Acevedo - Papas Fritas

Erika Ishii - Twinkie

Matt Mercer - Edgar Rider-Hopper

Chloe Dykstra - Cherry

Brandon Winfrey - PKM

Dick and Johnson have successfully thwarted Christofuhrer Walken's assassination attempt on Britney Spears, but the vile villain has managed to surreptitiously capture Johnson after the battle. The Chief calls Britney, because they know each other outside of their respective relationships with Dick and Johnson, too. The Chief has learned that Johnson is being held twenty thousand leagues under the sea in Walken's underwater lair, and so has sent Fin Diesel to pick up Britney and Dick. Using Britney's tour bus, the three drive to the Pacific coast and Fin guides them below the surface.

On the ocean floor, they enter the base with suspiciously little resistance. Inside, they are met by several Nazi club kids and, while Dick and Fin are mostly caught off guard, Britney easily defeats them with her expert Tim McGraw skills. Fin senses that Johnson is being held in the next room and Britney lures out the remaining guards with her singing. Dick and Fin quickly dispose of them and Fin then parts with the others to secure their retreat. Next to the unconscious and fatally injured Johnson, a taped message from Christofuhrer Walken announces that they have walked into a trap: Johnson had been kidnapped to lure Dick into the base and trap both inside, while the supervillains march for the North Pole to prevent Christmas. Just then, the Chief and Dr. Manhoney break into the base with a drill submarine and Dr. Manhoney resuscitates Johnson. Knowing that they will need an entire army to defeat the combined might of all of their villains, Dick and Johnson gather their allies and make for the North Pole to save Christmas.

While Britney has to return to Las Vegas to prepare for her next concert, she leaves her back-up dancers to aid in the upcoming battle. In addition, the Chief has brought Papas Fritas and Twinkie the house-elf, who is still in command of the revolutionary house-elf army. Along the way, Dick and Johnson catch up with their old friends chatting about their fate since their last meeting, when they are suddenly interrupted by another drill-ship intercepting them. As a group of Doctor Isis' ninja nurses boards them, Papas Fritas manages to stall their advance, Twinkie commands her personal guard to attack, and Dick and Johnson, now conjoined in a thematically appropriate two-person Christmas sweater, throw all the upper cuts.

After having fought off the ninjas, the group arrives at the house-elf army's forward operating base on the North Pole. Santa's workshop is occupied by the villains and surrounded by Nazis, dinosaurs, Nazi dinosaurs, robots, and other soldiers. Targeting a weak spot in the defenses that Twinkie's spies have identified, Papas Fritas sets up a frying oil trail which Dick and Johnson ignite by sliding over it. Twinkie coordinates the attack of the house-elves and as the two armies clash, a giant robot appears on the battle field. In a display of great courage, Papas Fritas faces off with the robot alone, severely damages it, and manages to lure it away from Dick and Johnson, who continue on their mission.

In the Christmas-elf village, they meet Mrs. Claus, who calls in another ally; parachuting in is Edgar Rider-Hopper, an elderly MI6 agent who has come out of retirement. Rider-Hopper has learned that Christofuhrer Walken, Doctor Isis, and Paul Lynde have banded together to manipulate Santa's list, switching naughty and nice to promote evil in the world. On top of that, Doctor Isis also plans to sink the North Pole and turn it into a new Atlantis. Using the Underground Toy Railroad, Mrs. Claus then leads them past the battlefield into the workshop. Approaching a group of guards, Dick and Johnson ride a gout of flame that ~~their father~~ Rider-Hopper spews, and Mrs. Claus poisons many with her arsenic-laced cookies. After very slowly killing the final guard, they find Santa Claus tied up, but unharmed. Instead of immediately freeing her husband, Mrs. Claus decides to get some "Christmas cheer" in first and the rest of the team continues to give the couple their privacy. Dick, Johnson, and Rider-Hopper arrive at the Naughty-List-Machine where Rider-Hopper fights off more guards and their reinforcements using what appears to be a combination of his unique form of Tim McGraw and his barf skills. This gives Dick and Johnson the opportunity to fix the manipulated machine.

Having saved Santa Claus and fixed his list, they now need to stop Doctor Isis from detonating his explosive charges he has set up all over the North Pole. As they close in on his position, they see that he has not only allied himself with the **Order of the Fin**, the evil faction of Atlanteans, but both Christofuhrer Walken and Paul Lynde themselves are also present. Lynde attacks with his magic powers as he spots the heroes approach. Dick and Johnson manage to counter with their own spells, banishing Lynde into the works of Shakespeare. Next, Doctor Isis' Ninja Nurses and Walken with his Nazi dinosaurs all charge. Dick sounds the horn of Gondor and all of their allies assemble: Fin Diesel tears through the enemies with his Teeth of Fury; Britney Spears swings her new boa constrictor; Papas Fritas jumps into the fray wielding razor sharp fries; with their magical powers, Twinkie and the house-elves raise the dead elves of Santa's workshop as an army of undead; Dr. Manhoney shoots super chlamydia out of her STD-cannon, and Mrs. Claus fires her cookie-cutter gun; Agent Rider-Hopper summons the spirit of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle who floods the battlefield with bowler hats, canes, and mustaches. The combined power of Dick and Johnson's friends destroys their foes, leaving only Doctor Isis standing. Also Kiss is there.

In a brief moment of respite, Rider-Hopper asks Dick and Johnson's mothers' names and comes to a revelation: their names are ridiculous, and he flies out with his jet-pack. Dick and Johnson are now face to face with Doctor Isis by themselves. While they give a passionate speech, Doctor Isis attacks. A vicious fight begins, and as Doctor Isis appears to lose, he attempts to detonate the explosives. Dick and Johnson manage to kick the detonator out of his hands and it lands in front of a sentient teddy bear—quickly nicknamed PKM—and their old friend **Cherry** (formerly known as Fran) who have appeared through the power of cameos. Cherry ignores Dick and Johnson's warning and presses the detonator's button, causing Santa's workshop to be destroyed and the North Pole to begin sinking. While Cherry begins eating the candy ruins of Santa's workshop, Doctor Isis continues his attack, stabbing PKM, but is temporarily disabled in the scuffle. Johnson uses PKM's body as a sponge to soak up water and put out the burning workshop and Cherry summons narwhals to hold up the sinking ice. On PKM's suggestion, the four move the bodies of dead elves under the ice to keep it afloat. Judging that this solution is good enough, Dick and Johnson and their friends return home.

Back at home Dick and Johnson celebrate their victory with PKM and Cherry by listening to Cherry read out some of her scandalously explicit erotic fanfiction.