Senior Center Volunteering

"*Atakin Torney?! What the hell are you doing here?! Are you trying to inherit someone's massive fortune too?*"
—Deems, surprised to see Att.
When Atakin Torney and Deems Mendel  realize they were both frequenting the same Senior Center, they decide to compete—as always—to see who's the better volunteer.

## Synopsis

It's Thursday night—game night—at the senior center, and Atakin arrives for volunteer duty, "ready to whoop some senior ass at some chess."

Deems is there for a different reason: wanting to play up his charm so he could be "adopted" by one of the richer seniors. But once he notices Atakin, his plans change and it turns into a competition on who can find an old man's glasses the fastest.

Atakin's easily the winner, but Deems promises he'd win the next competition, to which Att lightheartedly responds "Beat me? We're just volunteers at a senior center!" ~~But he's not fooling anyone.~~

Next up, is setting up a snack table. Deems focuses on speed and finishes faster, then walks over to Att's table to criticize it. He finds his food placement "out of whack," asking "who wants to eat vegetables of all things when they have so many other great choices?" The cookies were barely even reachable, unlike Deems' table, where they were front and center.

But Att thinks differently, claiming that the elderly would prefer eating vegetables, due to many of them having diabetes. "What kind of old person would want donuts over raisins?﻿," he asks, which causes Deems to rush over to his table and start putting raisins into the donuts as a compromise.

Atakin watches in horror and tries to stop him, telling him that "they don't go together at all!" Deems refuses to cooperate and a tussle ensues for control of the donut box, which Att eventually wins. They argue a bit further, which transitions into a new topic: who the elders like more.

They both grab a food tray and take two different approaches to handing out the treats: Atakin goes around the lounge, praising the seniors, while Deems tries his best to flirt with the elderly ladies. But after realizing he received a few phone numbers but no inheritance offers, Deems decides to take a different approach: being a loving son.

This quickly backfires when the first lady he tries this on slaps him for being a "creep." Witnessing such a debacle, Atakin claims victory while Deems cleans up the tray he dropped. Once done, Deems argues that he won because he got more phone numbers. Atakin is skeptical of their accuracy, so he asks him to call a few of them. The first one was no longer available. The second was the John Cena line. The last one was Domino's Pizza.

Deems claims his phone must be broken, while Atakin asks if he can order a pizza with the last number. Deems throws the numbers in his face, telling him he can only use it if he orders half of the pizzas for him. Att refuses, but starts dialing the number anyway, while Deems, being a sore loser, tries to take his paper back. He's very persistent, latching his entire body onto Att just to get to it, making Atakin have no choice but to crush the pest under his own body so he could finally dial the number in peace.

Ten large pepperoni pizzas are ordered, with Att claiming two are for him, and the other eight are for the elderly. Deems calls him a fatass, yet claims he could also eat two whole pizzas if he wanted to. They then get into an argument over who's fatter, which ends up being cut off because Elisebeth never responded.

## Quotes

"*I'm the most generous one here! Not only am I the most generous, but I'll find his glasses before you do.*"
—Atakin, starting up the competition.

**Deems**: "*If you think raisins are so important, then I'll just add them into the donuts to make the perfect treat!*"
**Atakin**: "*No, no, Deems! Stop the madness! Just because seniors like raisins doesn't mean they'll be able to eat the donuts! Don't ruin such a grand treat with raisins! They don't go together at all!*"
**Deems**: "*The donuts might not taste as good, but it's making the raisins taste better, okay? I'm sacrificing my own love of donuts to help these elders out!*"
— Deems ruining everything.

**Deems**: "*Damn it! I'm doing this for the greater good, okay?! The elders deserve raisin-donuts!*"
**Att**: "*No, the elders deserve actual raisins, not donut-flavored ones! I am helping them more by not wasting their raisins!*"
— The fight over the donuts continues.

"*They only deserve raisins because they're old and weird, so they can't appreciate the good things in life!*"
—Atakin on the elderly.

"*That's right, you elderly are wonderful folk! Our nation would in awful shape without you guys!*"
—Atakin sucking up to old people.

"*Would you care for a snack? A beauty like you deserves only the best, which is why I'm the one offering these to you and not that...other man.* "
—Deems flirting with the elderly.

"*The drool on your chin compliments your eyes well.*"
—Atakin "complimenting" some old guy.

"*Riiiight, they love you. You should feel so proud you were able to charm some ninety year olds into giving you their phone numbers. Have you even checked to see if they're legit?﻿*"
—Atakin on Deems' phone numbers.

"*And you still think you beat me? I actually exhausted both of my trays, whilst you only managed to get cake crumbs scattered all over you.*"
—Atakin has a point.

"*Deems, spilling your food all over yourself does not count as "getting rid of it". Even if I did eat half my food, I still would've passed out more than you.*"
—Att still has a point.

"*Yup, your phone must be broken. Why else would it call the exact people who own the numbers you currently hold?﻿*"
—So many burns, so little time.

"*And you can order Domino's, but only if you give me half the pizza as compensation for me being skilled enough to get you their number.*"
—Deems trying to turn a loss into a win.

"*And I always knew you were a fatass! Eating two whole pizzas is incredibly unhealthy. ...N-Not that I couldn't totally eat two whole pizzas if I wanted to.﻿*"
—Deems contradicting himself for the sake of beating Att.

**Deems**: "*I bet you're on the brink of being overweight. Probably one point away.*"
**Att**: "*I'm sorry, but why are you talking about yourself like that?*"
— Att's classy comeback.