Mack Horton

**Mack Horton** is a champion swimmer who doesn't like drug cheats.

## Info

Name: Mackenzie "Mack" Horton

Age: 24

Parent's Story: I'm a professional athlete.

Appearance: I'm a tall blond Australian guy with glasses, a geeky smile, a lean but muscular physique, and I usually wear speedos.

Alignment: Rebel

Roommate: I live in a house in Melbourne with my cute, soft dog Herbie. He's the cutest dog in the world - he's even cuter than Boo!

Secret Heart's Desire: To make sure everyone plays fair and eats their kelp.

My Magic Touch: I am a pro swimmer bloke.

Storybook Romance Status: I have a girlfriend, but I like guys too. I think Mitch Larkin is really cute.

Oh Curses Moment: I don't like people who cheat and when they do, I refuse to stand on the podium with them and blow raspberries at them.

Favorite Subject: Swimming, of course. Duh.

Least Favorite Subject: Driving Tests. I drive like an old lady.

Best Friends Forever After: Anyone who plays fair and doesn't dope.

## Biography

G'day mate! I'm Mack Horton, champion Aussie swimmer and advocate of a clean sport. I'm both a nerd and a jock, which is weird. I like to wear speedos, cuddle with baby seals, and get piggyback rides from my teammates. I hate that drug cheat Sun Yang. He makes me so mad that I want to grind him into a hamburger and eat him. I refuse to share a podium with him, but I'll willingly share it with a stack of waffles.

I love to go swimming. It helps me exercise, plus I get to wear speedos and shake my bum. I always play fair - I don't dope or pee in the pool. I love to post pictures of myself in speedos on my Instagram. Of course, I have to deal with death threats. When I get death threats, I start crying and hugging my favorite pillow, or I ask for a hug from one of my glasses-and-speedo-wearing teammates. They even kiss my finger when I get a boo-boo.

I also really like kelp. Kelp is good for you - it's full of vitamins and minerals. I only eat natural, non-GMO kelp because GMO is like doping - it's not fair and it's stupid! I also love vegemite like all Aussies do, and I also like prawns on the barbie (in Australia, we say prawns, not shrimp you moron).

I have really good taste in music. My favorite band in the world is Weezer - I have all their albums and I love to stalk them. I'm also a fan of Nicki Minaj, Nickleback, Justin Bieber, Soulja Boy, Vanilla Ice, Rebecca Black, Jenna Rose, Alison Gold, Patrice Wilson, Cardi B, Iggy Azalea, Azealia Banks, Jason Derulo, Flavor Flav, Flo Rida, Limp Bizkit, DJ Khaled, Meghan Trainor, Lizzo, and The Bloodhound Gang. I like all the cool singers and bands!

In my spare time, I like swimming, wearing speedos, eating kelp, starting drama with Sun Yang, crying, screaming, reading books, computer magazines, and periodicals, running through red lights and going to traffic court, playing Dungeons and Dragons with my geek swim club, dating my girlfriend, ratting out people who cheat, and going to gay bathhouses.
Bye-bye!

## Trivia

* NibiruMul actually likes Mack Horton - no hard feelings if you see this, Mack!
* He has a crush on Ian Thorpe.
* He likes spiders and thinks they can't hurt you.
* He stubbed his toe while watering his spice garden and only cried for 20 minutes.
* He is afraid of Devilica Pickles.
* His favorite show is Bluey.
* His favorite movie is Night of the Shaved Kittens.
* His favorite food is watermelon, but he always swallows the seeds. (Devilica wants to go inside of him and make a watermelon grow inside his stomach until he explodes.)
* He ran down Vixen Love's sistas with a hooptie while he was drunk.
* Garcon Lecoq likes to use him as a chew toy for his dog Deathripper.
* Tia'NayNay Maldonia hates him for pulling off her godam weave, even though it was an accident.