SA1D3: Dog Pigeon & Cat Duckling/script

This is the script for the Season 9 episode, "Day 3: Dog Pigeon & Cat Duckling (part 3)."

## Cold Open

*(MINDMASHING COORDINATOR, MINDMASHING CANDIDATE, KID NASTEE and STACY are standing on a podium.)*

**Announcer:** And the winner of the 2024 National MindMash Competition is... Cantor Maker Bensyn!

*(The crowd cheers.)*

**Kid Nastee:** YES! NOW I'M FINALLY RICH!!!!!

*(Someone throws a liquid in the air. The ink in the papers bleeds, but KID NASTEE'S doesn't.)*

**2nd Place Contestant:** Wow! Your paper is durable! That water didn't even leak or bleed the ink!

**Judge:** Wait a second... Oh, KID NASTEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is not a drawing! It has no real ink! It was already drawn on the internet! You printed this out! You didn't draw anything at all! Well, you did draw in some spots, but other than that you TRACED the characters twice!

**Announcer:** Uh oh!

**Judge:** Wait, it gets worse. Right below each image, you signed, "James Rosario" on the paper! Your name is Cantor Maker Bensyn! Not James Rosario!

**Kid Nastee:** Oops, I forgot... I just wanted to win the contest so badly!

**Referee:** Kid Nastee, you weren't only dishonest, but you've vulgarized and ruined an intellectual property!

**Copyright Owner:** Yes, he sure did! I worked for years to distribute those characters to people around America, and you tarnished them! I am so angry!!!!!!

**Referee:** Kid Nastee, you are... DISQUALIFIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have also been EJECTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What comes next? That's right. (Similar to Mr. Humberfloob from the 2003 feature film, *The Cat in the Hat.*) You're FIIIIIIIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Copyright Owner:** And I got the law involved!

**MindMashing Coordinator:** (angry) I can't believe it, Kid Nastee. We lost the competition, thanks to you!

**MindMashing Candidate:** (angry) Why did I partner with a swindler?!

**Stacy:** Don't ask me to marry you when we're 25!

**Officer:** Maker Bensyn, you're under arrest.

*(The officer puts KID NASTEE in handcuffs.)*

**Kid Nastee:** No. No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just start the show! Don't watch me get arrested!

**Officer:** Nope, I want them to see every second of your ugly, and crying tear stained face. NOW we can start the show.

*(INTRO)*

## Scene 1

*(KID NASTEE is asleep in class, moaning and groaning, before waking up with a jolt.)*

**Kid Nastee:** I'm sorry, guys! I didn't mean to cheat, well, actually I did, but I didn't think I'd get caught!

**MindMashing Coordinator:** Kid Nastee? Are you okay?

**Kid Nastee:** Oh, I had the worst nightmare!

**Stacy:** Did you have the last slice of pizza before bed?! If I eat the last slice of pizza before bed, I dream the pigeons were after me!

**Teacher:** Speaking of pigeons, today we'll be learning all about them! Pigeons fall under the family of Columbidae. Columbidae is a bird family consisting of pigeons and doves. It is the only family in the order Columbiformes. These are stout-bodied birds with short necks and short slender bills that in some species feature fleshy ceres. They primarily feed on seeds, fruits, and plants. The family occurs worldwide, but the greatest variety is in the Indomalayan and Australasian realms. You'll find them in cities, especially New York City! Now we'll learn about ducklings. Ducklings are juvenile ducks. That's the common name for numerous species of waterfowl in the family Anatidae. Ducks are generally smaller and shorter-necked than swans and geese, which are members of the same family. Divided among several subfamilies, they are a form taxon; they do not represent a monophyletic group (the group of all descendants of a single common ancestral species), since swans and geese are not considered ducks. Ducks are mostly aquatic birds, and may be found in both fresh water and sea water. Ducks are sometimes confused with several types of unrelated water birds with similar forms, such as loons or divers, grebes, gallinules and coots.

**MindMashing Candidate:** Can ducks breathe underwater?

**Teacher:** Of course not!

**MindMashing Coordinator:** Hey, speaking of pigeons and ducklings, there's this book called, *"Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus!"* The plot is about a bus driver who has to leave so he asks the reader to not allow the Pigeon to drive the bus. The Pigeon wants to have at least one ride and comes up with various excuses to drive the bus but the readers keep on telling him "NO!", which aggravates the Pigeon.

**Stacy:** And let's not forget *"The Pigeon Finds a Hot Dog!"* That's where we meet the duckling. And I thought of something. The blue and yellow contrast can go with a cat/dog duo... but how would that work?

**Teacher:** Well... where there's a yellow cat, there's usually a green or blue dog.

**MindMashing Candidate:** And where there's a blue dog, there's usually a green or yellow cat!

**Kid Nastee:** What color is the fish?

**Stacy:** That depends on the color of an animal if the other animal is yellow. For example, if we have a yellow cat, that means if we have a green dog, we got a blue fish. Blue dog? Red fish. As for the dog being yellow, the cat being blue would make the fish green. If the cat was red, the fish would be blue.

**MindMashing Coordinator:** Objection!

**Stacy:** We're not in a courthouse.

**Teacher:** True, but we CAN experiment! We can see what would've happened if the Pigeon was a dog and the Duckling was a cat!

**MindMashing Coordinator:** Great idea! Candidate, you work with the Pigeon.

**MindMashing Candidate:** Awesome sauce!

**MindMashing Coordinator:** Kid Nastee, you work with the Duckling.

**Kid Nastee:** Why do I always get stuck with the weak characters?

**MindMashing Coordinator:** Stacy, you work with Cat Duckling.

**Stacy:** ROWR!

**MindMashing Coordinator:** I'll work with Dog Pigeon.

**Stacy:** Sounds like a plan! Now, let's get... uh oh.

**MindMashing Coordinator:** Stacy? What's wrong.

**Stacy:** I gotta go to the bathroom.

**Kid Nastee:** Ewww, Stacy! Keep that to yourself!

**Stacy:** No, for real, I've gotta go!

*(STACY runs out.)*

## Scene 2

*(STACY still isn't back.)*

**MindMashing Candidate:** I gotta go check on Stacy.

**MindMashing Coordinator:** Candidate, you pervert! You can't check on... *(He left already.)* Stacy.

*(MINDMASHING CANDIDATE calls for STACY.)*

**MindMashing Candidate:** Stacy? Stacy? Stacy!?

*(STACY moans loudly.)*

**MindMashing Candidate:** Oh, there she is.

*(STACY steps out of the bathroom, like a zombie.)*

**MindMashing Candidate:** STACY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!

**Stacy:** Owwwww. my booty...

*(MINDMASHING CANDIDATE carries STACY back to the room.)*

**MindMashing Candidate:** I think something's wrong with Stacy.

**Kid Nastee:** Oh, she just has measles. Run a diagnosis.

*(LATER)*

**MindMashing Coordinator:** Oh, no. This is bad. This is REALLY bad.

**Kid Nastee:** What?!

**MindMashing Coordinator:** Stacy has a very bad disease of smallpox. It makes elbows hurt, is gives you the hiccups, it makes your eyes feel weird and itchy, causes dizziness, a dry mouth, and a scratchy throat.

**MindMashing Candidate:** Maybe this medicine will help. Drop the pill in her mouth!

*(The pill falls in STACY'S mouth. It doesn't work.)*

**MindMashing Candidate:** Oh, no! What do we do?

**MindMashing Coordinator:** Maybe she's allergic to something. This EpiPen will help.

*(The EpiPen doesn't work.)*

**MindMashing Coordinator:** THAT DIDN'T WORK EITHER!

**Kid Nastee:** *(drinks soda and burps)*

*(Audience laughter.)*

**MindMashing Coordinator:** (gasps) That's it! Laughter! It's the best medicine. We gotta make Stacy laugh!

**MindMashing Candidate:** BLEUEAHDUAGDUHDUDH

**MindMashing Coordinator:** LALALALALALALALALALALAALAL

**Kid Nastee:** SHUBUDUBUDUBUDUBUDUBUDUBU

*(STACY starts laughing. Next thing we know, she's back to normal!)*

**Stacy:** What happened?

**Kid Nastee:** You had diarrhea.

**Stacy:** Oh. Anyway, let's start drawing our pictures.

**Kid Nastee:** WAIT! Isn't anybody gonna wish me a happy birthday? I'm 18 years old today.

**Stacy:** Oh, right... Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you... happy birthday dear Kid Nastee, happy birthday to you.