Cold Ramen: S01E15

Stepping up to the Plate is the fifteenth episode of Cold Ramen. The episode is about Ballo and the Sports Colony executing a special military operation in Candor City, home of Rufus and his team.

## The Episode

(ballo is in a courtroom, surrounded by normal looking people. Most of the seating is taken up by women of all looks, shapes and sizes. mitto pats ballos back)

Look, Ballo, we got this in the bag! I made a few call, we got someone coming in to help!

BALLO APPRECIATES MITTO BEING HERE IN HIS TIME OF NEED! HE HOPES THAT MITTO WAS ABLE TO HIRE JOHNNY COCHRAN, THE GREATEST LAWYER OF ALL TIME!

Yeah, that guy just laughed after I explained the situation and hung up.

(the bailiff gets up)

All rise for the honorable Judge Peters, residing!

(everyone rises as the judge enters and sits down)

Alright, what's this case here?

Uh...Sports Lord Ballo vs. Candor City. The defendant is being sued for years of unpaid child support to 60 different women.

60 women?! I've got to hear this. You have the floor, Mr. Ballo.

BALLO RISES TO HIS FEET, DECLARING THAT THIS IS ALL A MISUNDERSTANDING! BALLLO SIMPLY WENT TO THE CORNER STORE FOR SOME MILK!

A corner store...in another realm?

(after a brief pause, ballo flops on his table)

BALL ADMITS HE HAS NO DEFENSE AND APPEALS TO THE COURT! HE CRIES OUT THAT ALL HE WANTED TO DO IS LEAVE A LEGACY ON EARTH!

There are better ways of doing that than bedding these poor women and leaving them with a child to raise alone!

BALLO GESTURES TO HIS CHILDREN! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM HAS HIS GODLY GENES WITHIN THEM, GUARANTEEING THEM STARDOM! BALLO IS NO MONSTER, HES A SAVIOR!

The court see otherwise. Considering that the DNA tests have been completed and the defendant shows zero remorse, I'm ordering Sports Lord Ballo to pay backlogged and current child support payments to the tune of $5000 a month, to each and every woman.

(judge peters pounds her gavel and the mothers of ballos children whoop and cheer. ballo is speechless)

BALLO IS BOTH SHOCKED AND APPALLED BY THIS NEWS! HE INQUIRES AS TO WHY HE MUST PAY SO MUCH!

Since you declare yourself as a 'god', that puts you in a higher tax bracket. I'm sure someone with such 'godly genes' such as yours can pony up the cash.

BALLO LOOKS UP TO THE CEILING AND CURSES THE JUDICIAL SYSTEM!

...

(back in the sports colony, ballo is sitting at a sports bar with some other sports lords. they attempt to comfort him)

Yeah, so they said you have to pay a fortune to those squirts! So what? You're still standing!

TRY AS HE MIGHT, BALLO IS UNABLE TO CHEER UP! THERES NO WAY BALLO CAN PAY ALL THAT CHILD SUPPORT! MOST OF HIS PERSONAL WEALTH IS WRAPPED UP IN SPORTS MEMORBILIA! SOMEONE NEEDS TO DIE SO HE CAN MAXIMIZE HIS PROFITS! NOW BALLO FEARS THAT HE MUST SELL HIS OJ SIMPSON JERSEYS AND T-SHIRTS!

Did you tell the judge about the godly genes?

BALLO CONFIRMS TO PUCKO THAT HE INDEED TOLD THE JUDGE ABOUT THE GENES! BUT SHE WOULDN'T LISTEN!

Screw Earth! Who says you have to return?

BALLO EXPLAINS THAT HE WOULD LOSE TOO MUCH IF HE ABANDONED EARTH! HOW COULD HE FUFILL SPORTS RELATED WISHES? OR DISGUISE HIMSELF AS EMBITTERED COACHES WILLING TO TRAIN A YOUNG PRODIGY?! BALLO ACKNOWLEDGES THAT ITS OVER, ITS SO OVER....

Forget all this moody gloomy crap! I say we get down there and make that judge understand!

BALLO POINTS OUT THAT A HOSTILE ACTION SUCH AS THAT COULD LEAD TO AN ALL OUT WAR!

Alright, fine. We'll just pay Judge Peters a visit. Have a private talk!

BALLO CAREFULLY ASKS IF MITTO MEANS A PRIVATE TALK OR A PRIVATE TALK, WHERE HE BEATS HER WITH HIS BAT?

A normal talk...this time. And we won't take no for an answer!

IN THAT CASE, BALLO APPROVES OF MITTO'S PLAN! HE PROPOSES THAT THEY LEAVE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING!

(the bartender walks up to the lords and hands ballo the phone)

BALLO I KNOW YOURE NOT MISSING OUR SON BRAYDENS SOCCER GAME! DONT MAKE ME GET THE ATTORNEY GENERAL ON YOUR ASS!

BALLO SIGHSD AND RELUCTANTLY ASSURES JADA THAT HE WILL BE THERE SHORTLY...

...

(the next day, judge peters is sitting in her chambers when a white and red portal opens in the middle of the room. ballo and mitto step out)

BALLO HUMBLY GREETS JUDGE PETERS, COMPLIMENTING HER CHOICES IN INTERIOR DESIG--

What the hell are you doing in my chambers?!

Calm down, lady! We just came here to talk!

Then set an appointment like a normal person, you freaks!

DESPITE HER HARSH WORDS, BALLO MEANS NO HARM! HE SIMPLY WANTS TO REOPENS TALKS ABOUT HIS EXORBIENT CHILD SUPPORT PAYMENTS!

There's nothing to reopen, I made my judgement!

BALLO ASKS IS SHE IS SURE ABOUT THAT IN A SINGSONG TONE! HE OPENS HIS PORTAL AGAIN AND PULLS OUT...WHATS THIS? A CASE FULL OF DUNKO'S ENERGY BARS! AND HOW ABOUT THIS, AN AUTOGRAPHED GOLFO T-SHIRT?!

You people make me laugh. You come in here trying to bribe me to overturn the verdict on such an open and shut case! You made those kids, now pay for them!

WHAT PART OF MY CHILDREN ARE ATHLETIC DEMIGODS DID BALLO NOT EXPLAIN!? BALLOS CHILDREN WILL PAY FOR THEMSELVES!

This isn't only about the money, and until you understand that, there's nothing more to say here!

(judge peters presses a button under her desk and four security guards storm the room.)

Judge Peters! We heard you yelling and stood close by! Alright you two, let's go, nice and easy.

(as one of the guards reaches for mitto, he summons his bat and hits him in the stomach. two of the guards reach for their sidearms, but ballo summons his baseball cannon and shoots the guns out of their hands. mitto makes short work of the rest of them. judge peters backs into a corner of the room)

O-oh my god, p-please don't hurt me!

BALLO WOULD NEVER HURT SUCH A PRETTY JUDGE! HE WANTS TO COME TO AN UNDERSTANDING! AND JUST LIKE KOBE BRYANT, HE WONT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER!

(judge peters starts screaming)

BALLO RESCINDS HIS STATEMENT! NOT LIKE KOBE!

...

(rufus and the candor city rangers are standing on a rooftop, receiving a briefing from Commander Roy)

Earlier this morning, a silent alarm went off at the Candor City Courthouse. By the time police could be mobilized, they were met with...resistance.

(up ahead, the courthouse is surrounded by waves of people in sports gear, holding cardboard cutouts of ballo in a shield wall formation.)

They appear to be working in the service of Sports Lord Ballo, a self-proclaimed god. He recently lost a case that forced him to pay thousands in child support for each of his 60 children.

Tina: Imagine being a god, but still losing a court case!

Rufus: What's our objective, sir?

Roy: We received confirmation that Judge Peters, who presided over his case, was in the courthouse when the alarm was rung. We fear that this Ballo could be taking her hostage in retaliation. We need you to take him down. Roy out.

Eddie: I miss when it was just aliens we brought in...

(rufus looks at the courthouse, putting together a strategy)

Rufus: Those upper windows look perfect for breaching. Roger, use your sniper to see if anyone's moving around.

(on the ground, a commotion was forming. a portal opened in front of the shield wall, judicial workers exiting it in a line)

Marge: Aren't the bad guys supposed to hold onto the hostages?

(the rangers make their way down and move through the crowd. the freed workers are surrounded by police officers)

Rufus: What happened in there? Is everything alright?

Ballo and Mitto beat up the guards, then kicked us out with that portal! Clocko's light is protecting us!

Rufus: Who?

Clocko! The Lord of Time!

Eddie: Should we be worried about more gods joining in on the fun?

I don't think so. The Sports Colony doesn't have strong ties with the Time Colony. Although Cooko and Snacko could come to assist Ballo, as the Food Colony is a devoted ally of the Sports Colony...

Marge: Talk about weird! Are there any other gods?

Rufus: I don't think we have time for this.

Marge: I'm just gathering intel!

Well there's Cocko, Dicko, Clubbo, Pimpy, Astro, Danke, and DJ Kid!

Eddie: What's DJ Kid's deal? Does he walk around with a giant turntable?

You don't wanna mess with him! He bombed every other colony in the Great Colony War!

(Rufus' morpher beeps and he answers the call)

Roger: The upper floor is clear. Perfect for an entry point.

Rufus: Then that's our play. Tina, Eddie, we're infiltrating from within. Marge, Roger keep watch outside for any updates.

(The three start back towards the building they were on before. Marge and Roger scanned the crowd before being surprised by the same man)

Let me tell you about Cocko! Before he was a god, he used to sell freshly cooked...

...

(ballo is still in the chambers with judge peters. the room is filled with sports colony merchandise)

BALLO IS NOW RAISING THE STAKES! HE OFFERS 10% OF ALL PROFITS OFF MITTO'S LOUIVILLE SALES, THREE CRATES OF ENERGY DRINKS, AND SEASON PASSES FOR THE ULTIMATE FRISBEE LEAGUE! THAT HAS TO BE ENOUGH!

Let. Me. OUT OF HERE!!

BALLO HAS HEARD THE SAME PHRASE FOR THE PAST 30 MINUTES! HE URGES JUDGE PETERS TO MAKE A COUNTER, NOT WANTING TO NEGOTIATE AGAINST HIMSELF HERE!

(mitto walks into the room)

Ballo, we've got a situation. Some rainbow team is paying us a visit. Good chance we have a fight on our hands.

BALLO IS ALARMED BY THIS NEWS! HE NEEDS MORE TIME TO BREAK THROUGH HIS TOUGH NEGOTIATOR HERE! MITTO NEED TO GATHER SOME LORDS AND RUN OUT THE CLOCK! INJURE, BUT DO NOT KILL!

(mitto nods and walks out, barking orders.)

BALLO RETURNS HIS ATTENTION TO JUDGE PETERS, A WIDE GRIN ON HIS FACE! BEING THE LORD OF SPORTS, BALLO IS AN EXPERT IN MENTAL GYMNASTICS! IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME UNTIL BALLO WALKS OUT WITH HIS ANNULLMENT!

THERE WONT BE ANY ANNULLMENT! LET ME GO AND YOU'LL ONLY GET 7 YEARS INSTEAD OF 8 FOR HOSTAGE TAKING!

BALLO IS GRATEFUL THAT THE JUDGE HAS FINALLY MADE A COUNTEROFFER! OF COURSE, HE MUST DECLINE, BUT OFFERS AN AUTOGRAPHED COPY OF FLEXO'S DIETING BOOK, CO-WRITTEN BY SNACKO!

(meanwhile, rufus, eddie and tina creep through the courthouse halls)

Eddie: So should we be looking out for anything in particular? Some guy with a baseball for a head? Or a guy with a hockey puck for a head?

Tina: Well, Ballo's a god, so I think he'll be built like a greek statue! Muscles, lots and lots of muscles...

Eddie: Figures you'd say that, Tina! What about you, Rufus?

Rufus:...I'm with Tina. Only reason all those women would sleep with him.

(as the three reach the courthouse entrance, they are greeted with mitto, flanked by two sports colony troopers)

Who the hell are you three? Did Clubbo send you? Explains the tacky costumes.

Tina: Says the guy with a baseball mitt helmet!

It's not a helmet, it's my head!

(eddie and tina snicker)

Eddie: If I throw a ball at your head, will it automatically catch it?

Rufus: Where are you keeping Judge Peters?

We're haven't laid a hand on the lady! Ballos negotiating with her, so you three can kick rocks.

Rufus: Doesn't work like that. You're holding her hostage. Hand her over, or we'll take her, then take you in cuffs.

Hope you put up more of a fight than those security guards! Kick their asses!

(the two sports colony soldiers charge at eddie and marge, while mitto and rufus meet in the middle. rufus summons his gauntlets and throws a punch, which mitto blocks with his bat. the sports lord swings his bat horizontally and rufus ducks under the attack, countering with a gut punch, then a left hook. mitto stumbled back and spat something out.)

Nice moves, boxer boy! Wanna give them another shot?

(rufus rushed in again with another punch, but mitto batted the fist away and hit rufus in the midsection, then slammed him in the back to knock him down. just as mitto prepares to land another hit, he hears screaming. looking up, judge peters is running away while ballo gives chase)

HELP, THE FREAKY BALL MAN IS COMING FOR ME!

BALLO DEMANDS THAT JUDGE PETERS SLOW DOWN! HE HAS SO MUCH MORE TO OFFER HER!

(the judge makes a beeline for the door, past the fighters and out the door. the rangers run after her. mitto points at ballo)

Ball me!

(ballo summons his baseball cannon and fires baseballs at mitto, who hits them with perfect accuracy. they hit the rangers in their legs and knees, forcing them to fall down. as they try to get back up, mitto lands body shots that incapacitate them)

Ballo, what happened?!

BALLO HAD THINGS IN THE BAG! THE JUDGE BEGAN TO WHISPER TO BALLO HER TERMS AND AS HE LEANED IN CLOSER, SHE KICKED BALLO IN THE...BALLS AND RAN OFF!

(as the two gods race out of the courthouse, they see judge peters looking around frantically, as she's caught between the gods and their shield wall of troops)

BALLO DECLARES THAT THE KIDDIE GLOVES ARE COMING OFF! HE WILL NOT BE BENT OVER BY THE JUDICIAL SYSTEM!

(outside, Roger and Marge are still listening to the man gush about the gods. Roger looks tired while Marge is fascinated)

...And then there was that one time Clubbo and Pimpy waged war on the Food Colony, for a swimming pool!

Marge: A swimming pool! Imagine that, Roger!

Roger: ...Scintillating.

(both heroes overhear ballo threatening the judge)

Roger: That's not good at all.

(he summons his sniper rifle and looks around for a vantage point. as he searches, he notices a wide eyed boy and his mother staring at him)

are you going to shoot my daddy?

(the blue ranger hesitates, looking between the blockade and the child. marge looks between the two as well, an idea forming in her head)

Marge: We might not have to! It's worth a shot! Follow me, Roger!

(ballo is firing his baseball cannon around judge peters menacingly when an explosion scatters sports colony soldiers and tears open the shield wall. Roger is aiming his smoking sniper rifle at Ballo while Marge is right behind him)

BALLO DEMANDS THAT THESE INTRUDERS LEAVE, LEST THEY BECOME MULTI-COLORED CASUALTIES!

(marge beckons towards someone and the little boy walks over to her)

Marge: Ballo, this is one of your children.

(the sports god pauses)

BALLO WONDERS WHAT THE POINT OF THIS IS, HE HAS 59 OTHERS WANDERING AROUND...THAT THE COURTS KNOW OF

(marge gestures behind her to the man who was talking about the gods)

I've been listening to this old dude, and he says that this isn't like you! You're supposed to be a nurturing god, one that people look up to! Think about your other children! They need you!

(ballo looks into the eyes of his child. suddenly his well up with tears. He drops his baseball cannon)

BALLO HAS NEVER FELT SO MUCH SHAME IN HIS LIFE! HOW COULD HE BE SO BLIND?! THESE AREN'T BURDENS, THEY'RE BALLO'S CHILDREN, HIS LEGACY!

(from behind the rangers, Ballo's other children swarm towards their father. he turns to judge peters)

BALLO WISHES TO APOLOGIZE FOR HE HAS DONE! THE FEAR OF LOSING MONEY CAUSED HIM TO TAKE THESE DRASTIC MEASURES! NOW, BALLO SEEKS TO FORM A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS OFFSPRING! COME, LET US GO TO THE SPORTS COLONY TO CELEBRATE!

(the children cheer as ballo opens his portal and his children + their moms start filing through. marge and tina look on as rufus, eddie and marge step out of the club house, sore from the bat strikes)

Rufus: So, what did we miss? Heard a lot of commotion coming from outside.

Marge; Love, Eddie. You missed out on love conquering all!

Rufus: That's one way for this day to end. Let's report back to base.

(as the five rangers walk away from the scene, marge reaches for her notebook and begins talking away)

Marge: Roger and I learned so much from that old dude about the other gods! did you know that snacko's popcorn is actually edible! and that...

Roger: Marge, please...