Baptized in Hellfire

Many years ago, when I needed courage, I couldn’t find it inside me. So, I did what every young man would do. I looked for a shortcut. I needed that boost in confidence to get where I needed to get, but I couldn’t find it in any natural way. That’s why I turned to the occult. Luckily for me, that’s a family trade. Initially, I never wanted to get involved with that stuff, but I had no other option.

Using my family’s arcane knowledge and alchemic tools and materials, I summoned a great demon named Sobnac. A monstrosity shaped like a paladin with a lion’s head riding a splendid horse and wielding a mighty sword. When I first saw him, I was terrified of the being before me and he could sense it. He pointed his sword at me, threatening to tear my soul to shreds.

I tossed some blessed oil onto his face, barely hitting my mark, as I was shaking with fear. He growled as the sacred liquid scorched his infernal flesh. I made my best effort to sound threatening, promising to burn him to cinder if he didn’t do what I needed him to. I suppose he didn’t enjoy being scorched by holy objects, so he complied.

I demanded he bestowed upon me the courage and mental strength of soldiers. He was a demon associated with warfare and violence, therefore he had to have could give courage or fear to those who invoke him. The fiend smirked upon hearing my request and boasted to me he could indeed grant my wish. Though he warned me that it would come at a cost.

Being young and desperate, I didn’t care about the repercussions and urged him to just do it. He extended his hand and told me to hold it. As I did, I felt something hiss and slither into my skin, causing me immense pain.

It hurt so much I blacked out, but when I came to, the demon was gone and there were no marks on my body.

Soon enough, I came to find out that there was newfound courage and drive inside of me.

Not long after, I found out it came at a significant cost.

Now every day, a lost soul from hell, disfigured by the infernal flames and endless torture, crawls out of hell to consume me. Every single day, I wake up to the sound of inhuman growling and cracking joints.

Every single time I see those things. I feel like I am experiencing a heart attack. My chest burns, it is hard to breathe, and my body stiffens to the point of hurt. The beasts come unexpectedly, attacking me from behind, throwing me to the ground; scratching, biting.

They’re rabid and unstoppable… until they tire out.

When they tire out, something snaps inside of me and I become infuriated to the point of tearing these poor lost souls to bloody shreds. Our battles end with me standing over decimated charred corpses that disintegrate into dust. At the same time, I am slowly burning inside my body, inside my mind.

The constant state of vigilance, the constant supernatural violence, and the endless warring with demonic entities have made me hyperaware and too angry. I’ve burned every bridge I could by hurting both foes and friends alike in bursts of uncontrollable rage or sudden emotional detachment.

My patience with this plague has run low and so I conjured the demon, Sobnac, again. He seemed pleased to see him, perhaps all too aware of the damage he’s done. He roared at me, a pathetic attempt at intimidation. Sobnac should’ve known better by now.

I poured the holy oil at him, burning his feline face until I could see the muscle become exposed. He growled, begging me to stop. I halted the torture, demanding to know the solution to my problem. He refused to answer at first, and so I tortured him some more, watching as he withered and howled while his flesh and armor were slowly burning off.

He finally relented and told me the solution, but I didn’t like it. It wasn’t worth it. Losing myself wasn’t worth it… Displeased with the answer I had got; I lit up a torch with the holy oil. I pre-prepared, just in case the demon was going to get rowdy, and pressed it against his body.

I watched as the heavenly flames slowly ate at his form. His inhuman screams of agony didn’t bother me for a while, neither did the sight of his flesh burning and exposing his true form; an abomination whose form is pure corruption and organic decay.

However, something changed when he finally stopped screaming… something felt incredibly wrong when he stopped moving, half of his insides exposed to me. I felt wrong… I felt sick, not with him, but with my actions. My heartbeat rose, breathing became hard - everything started aching and my head was spinning with worry and dread.

A familiar sensation, a low growl, and the cracking of old and overused joints shot through the charred half of the demon.

A hand, and then an arm, followed by a pitch-black head and terribly burned torso that crawled out of the burning remains as I watched, paralyzed, afraid.

The fiend looked sickeningly similar to me as it drew nearer. I could almost feel it almost devouring me with its presence alone. Before I could react, it had pinned me down. Exposing its teeth and salivating all over me.

The stench of its putrid breath set off a fire inside me, and I did my best to punch the abomination right in its temple.

Everything happened so fast.

In the blink of an eye, I was caught up fighting yet another infernal spawn.

Before long, I was sitting, panting, covered in soot and demonic gore, as the remains of the demonic creature were slowly disintegrating into nothingness. The battle had left me feeling depleted and empty inside.

Every single day is the same. I wake up to the feeling of terror slowly ravaging through my insides, paralyzing my nervous system and wearing out my heart. I am entranced in this miserable state until I am forced to fight for my life against an infernal parody of myself. After each battle, at the end of each day, I am left depleted with my soul shriveled and abused.

I don’t know how long I’ll be able to handle this, but the only available permanent solution isn’t really worth it.