Berlin United 2

**Berlin United 2,** or BU2, is a Swedish/German pro club in FIFA 18, FIFA 19, FIFA 20, FIFA 21 & FIFA 22. The club are currently champions of Division 1 in FIFA Pro-Clubs.

## History

### **The Beginning**

Berlin United 2 was founded by Aragorn Elessar as a way to take out his anger and desire to run. The club officially begun on the 8th of August 2018, after some initial problems with financing. Aragorn quickly realized the potential of what he created and decided that this would be his new top priority. It would even become more important than ruling "Middle Earth". Legend has it that Aragorn made the clubs legendary emblem in the fire's of mount doom. This has however yet to be confirmed by Aragorn himself. The name "Berlin United 2", is said to have been chosen from God (Fortnite Thanos) himself.

In the beginning everything went rather smoothly. Aragorn managed to recruit a back line and a midfield with a lot of potential. A midfield that later came to include himself as an offensive midfielder. Problems would however quickly appear when he came to the front line of Berlin United 2. While Aragorn managed to find suitable wingers in Oma Dongzed and Henrik Immhler, the top strikers turned out to be hard to locate.

But after much job and a long search, Aragorn found two strikers. Firstly, Floda Relith, a depressed painter who saw Berlin United 2 as a way to take out his frustration after missing out on a place in art school. He saw this as a chance to prove his doubters wrong. The second striker was MålGöran, now often referred as one of the worst players in Berlin United 2's history. Floda Relith and MålGöran played their first match, on the 9th August, which resulted in a bitter 1-3 defeat with Floda Relith as goalscorer. It took a few weeks, but finally on the 30th of August Berlin United 2 got promoted to Division 9. An achievement that still stand close to the hearts of the club's dedicated fan base.

Berlin United 2 followed their success with another promotion to Division 8 only 2 days later, the 2nd of September. Due to economic reasons the club later fell back two divisions. The period after this downfall came to be known as Red Dead Redemption. "Red" for the clubs color, "Dead" for the fact that the club was slowly dying due to economic shortages and "Redemption" for the fact that the club managed to get out of the crisis, better and stronger than before. By this time all four attacking players had left the club (MålGöran got killed by Aragorn), which meant that Aragorn had to invest in new strikers. This was a turn for the better for the club moving forward. Aragorn brought in Legolas Tharanduil, an elf he'd known for many years and fought beside in the battle for the destruction of the one ring. He also managed to bring in Donald Trump as to give the team a better midfield and economy, as well as Zlatalex Iblahimovic 1.0 and Abdoun. Although Abdoun scored a lot of goals which contributed to the teams success he quickly left the club after a conflict with Aragorn. He was replaced by Kenta. Aragorn also bought in back-ups in defense, such as left back Henrik Givet, who still plays for the team today and Daniel van Den Berg - a central defender. Players like Josef Stalin and Kim Jong Un also joined the club in brief spells, but didn't last long. This was also the time when Aragorn cemented his place in midfield.

### **Progression Through the Divisions**

The team quickly progressed through the divisions. Two weeks after reaching rock bottom, the team were higher than ever before. Reaching division 7 and 6 within a short period of time. By this point Kenta, Legolas and Donald Trump had all left the club. They were replaced by Ronald Weasley, Harry Potter and Pelle. Only Pelle however succeeded at the club. Pelle scored and assisted a breathtaking 19 goals in his first season with the club. A record at the time. He won over the hearts of all supporters and cemented himself quickly as a legend. Ron and Harry left the club. Aragorn also brought in young Ninja Fan Jr. While Aragorn found a quick replacement for Ronald Weasley in Lord Voldemort, it took some time before he managed to find another left winger. But when he found one, it would prove to be Berlin United 2's best left winger of all time. In the midst of losing Harry Potter and signing Lord Voldemort, Aragorn came in contact with Severus Snape, Hogwarts home economics teacher. Snape had been bullied out of Hogwarts by just Harry Potter, who'd repeatedly called Snape "Emo" and "Blonde", despite the fact that he was clearly not blonde. Snape's magical feet made him a good goalscorer, but above all else the teams best assist maker. In his first season Snape scored 12 and assisted 21.

It was also by this time two other legends came to join Berlin United 2. Aragorn realized that with Snape's quality surrounding crosses, a tall, strong (not really) and decisive forward would be the best option. He found Fortnite Thanos. Fortnite Thanos would come to be Berlin United 2's best all time striker. Despite his sometime futile efforts outside the penalty box, his work inside of it was a big part of Berlin United 2's upcoming success. Deadly with both feet and his head, Fortnite Thanos netted 29 and assisted 4 in his first season at the club. Somehow in this process, Aragorn also stumbled upon fellow midfielder, Ginger Åke. Although details are unclear around how they met, it's rumored that Aragorn found - what is today known as Berlin United 2's best ever offensive midfielder - while trying to secure a lucrative sponsorship deal with Norrlands Guld (a Swedish beer brand). Åke would prove to be the difference in Berlin United 2's success. His fantastic dribbling and finishing skills, put him up there as one of Berlin United 2's most talented players. It was around his arrival at the club, club legend Pelle left after a number of amazing seasons.

### **From Zero to Hero**

It was at this time Berlin United 2 really shot into the stratosphere. Although Aragorn left during a short period to help Liverpool FC win their first Premier League title, there was nothing stopping Berlin United 2. Aragorn was replaced temporarily by Kylo Ren and Albert Einstein. Ninja Fan Jr. who Aragorn had bought in previously left for Real Madritt. In his place they brought in another prominent figure in Berlin United 2 history, Black Oblama - otherwise known as the plastic brother of USA president Barack Obama. For some reason Aragorn also decided to bring in Cristiano Neanderthal. A player who would leave after a single season with more red cards than goal contributions. In their first season in Division 5, the club broke the record for highest amount of goals in a 10 match season. A number that stopped at 74. It was a guaranteed promotion.

Division 4 would also prove to be a success, unless you're looking at the midfield transfers. Although Aragorn and Ginger Åke kept their respective places in midfield, a replacement for Cristiano Neanderthal was needed. Aragorn tried to find quality, but due to a lack of defensive midfielders that fitted Berlin United 2's level, Aragorns choices were limited. He tried a numerous amount of options but sadly none of them would work out as intended. The first midfielder to sign for the club was the prime minister of Sweden, Stefan Löfven. But just like his promises, the career in Berlin United 2, didn't last long. Aragorn also brought in Beerminator, a more drunk version of terminator, supporting the Swedish club, Hammarby IF. He also tried stabilizing the midfield with Marco Reus incest twin, Marco Preus. Both players however, failed. After that Aragorn would make his biggest mistake since MålGöran - Ben Dover. Ben Dover is statistically and talent-wise, the worst footballer to ever grace the precious grounds of Berlin United 2. To this day, no player except Ben Dover (and later Celtic Slayer) has been booed, after a game. It didn't take long for Aragorn to realise his mistake. After a game where Ben Dover had been sent off after just a few minutes, Aragorn "disposed" of him in the dressing room.

The hunt for another midfielder was on. It was also around this time Ginger Åke announced his departure from Berlin United 2. This ment that Aragorn had to invest in two midfielders. He quickly found a replacement for Ben Dover in Elan Mask - Elon Musk's plastic brother. Replacing Ginger Åke would prove to be difficult. Åke had cemented himself as a legend on and off the pitch, which ment that finding a replacement was near to impossible. Aragorn tried two options before setteling on another future legend. The first one was Morgan. Morgan is easily the nicest player in Berlin United 2 history. Sadly, his talents weren't as impressive. Morgan left the club shortly after arriving, after Aragorn had deemed him "not angry enough". The club replaced him with Ginger Berna, but neither he had any impact on the midfield. Then, after a long search Aragorn found Pablo (Escobar). Pablo, a mexican druglord and teacher at Väsby Nya Gymnasium, would prove to ignite the previously stellar midfield once more and fill the void left by Åke. The club also invested in another striker. A striker who would form a deadly partnership with Fortnite Thanos. The striker they found was Zlatalex Iblahimovic V.2. Zlatalex would prove to be a pivital piece in Berlin Unted 2's attack. In his first month at the club he couldn't stop scoring. Everything he touched went in; headers, shots, volleys. It didn't matter what you put him up to. Zlatalex managed anyway! Aragorn also chose to replace Black Oblama at this point with gaming sensation Tyler Belvin, otherwise known as Ninja.

### **Division 2 and Division 1 (2019)**

Division 2 would prove to be and still is, Berlin United 2's worst enemy. Since their promotion from division 3 the club have had periods in division 1 - almost winning the title on a few occations, but for the most time spent their time fighting in division 2. Their promotion battles have proven to be very dramatic for the club itself. During their first promotion battle Berlin United 2 bumped in to Migrationsverket, who decided to deport Pablo back to Mexico. The club replced him with Dr. FKN Phil. Although Phil didn't quite reach the levels of Pablo, he still preformed incredibly well, statuating himself as a legend. Zlatalex decided to leave the club after an argument with Snape over his "Pajbullar" in which both Fortnite Thanos and Aragorn had taken Snape's side. Zlatalex left the club feeling betrayed. Aragorn replaced him with Russia's dictator, Vladimir Putin. The viscious cycle of going up and down continued.

The Muppets 2 player, Obi Wan Kenobi joined the squad during one season when Severus Snape had just returned from a Pre-Season and Darth Vader joined the club on a short spell while Fortnite Thanos was out injured. For some reason Aragorn also decided to bring in Amy Diamond. A player who in many cases were worse than MålGöran.

### **The 2019/20 Season**

After it was discovered that the Berlin United 2 player Lil Joe, had bribed the entire referee overhaul, the team was put back in division ten. Lil Joe's contract was ripped and he left the club with immediate effect. Another climb to the top was necessary. In the same wave, top striker Rufus also left the club. Aragorn brought in the owner of the famous company, Fredbull, who would prove to be a massive success. Fortnite Thanos start to the 2019/20 season would probably come to be something he'd like to forget. A abysmal set of performances begun to spark questions. Fans were asking: "is Thanos finished?" A few days later the reason behind his poor performances were discovered. Sportvidundrets correspondent Raey Parker, discovered that Thanos wife Karen had gone behind his back with MålGöran. Thanos fell into a serious depression and couldn't get his normal spark to shine. But after a while he met BU2 player Amy Diamond, who he decided to make his wife. Aragorn granted both a long vacation to refresh and find the spark once more.

As a whole, the 2019/20 season must be seen as a massive failure for Berlin United 2. While the club reached Division 1 once more (much because of the help of Ballon Do'r winning striker Fredbull who produced goals from nothing), the club and it's players once more failed to reach their final goal - the Division 1 trophy. Players came and went. The popular striker Ninja decided to retire from football to fully focus on his ambition to become the worlds most talented flosser, while Snape got caught trying to smuggle six kilos of highly refined Pajdeg through Hogwarts tollgates, leading to a year long prison service in Azkaban. At the same time, questions were once again being raised about Aragorn's choice of signings. While most of the signings would end up being relatively successful (see Rayd Shadowlegend, Nigru and Feng Dong), some of the signings - mainly of Pastor Zulul, Big Wang, Rigatoni, Joe Biden and Byggare Bobama (winner of Shiton Do'r 2019/2020) were undoubtedly up for discussions after abysmal performances. In the end these "doubters" were "taken care of" according to the Berlin United 2 captain. These comments forced EA to once again relegate Berlin United 2 to Division 10.

### The 2020/2021 Season

On the sixth of July 2021, almost three years after the creation of Berlin United 2, the song *"Glory, Glory, Berlin United 2"* could be heard all over the world from where it was sung in the BU2 home stadium, Pelle 2 Arena. Berlin United 2 had done it. They had conquered Division 1 in style - the final game ending in a 3-0 win (the scorers being Radpoootin x2 and british Prime Minister Boris Johnson).

It had truly been a season to remember. Once more the teams spine consisted of Aragorn Elessar, Severus Snape and this time a fully fit and fully motivated Fortnite Thanos. Together with the help from penguins from Madagascar (High IQ Kowalski, Low IQ Private, Medium IQ Skipper and Negative IQ Rico), as well as technically gifted midfielders like Leonardo Di Capricosa, Thugpu and Oompa Loompa, as well as leathal strikers Shakira, Radpooootin and Schmul, the team breezed through the divisions. Nothing seemed to face them. Thanos scored for fun, Aragorn threatned referees like he'd done it a million times (he definitely has) and Snape smashed balls in from outside the box. The team even pulled off one of the most impressive comebacks in Berlin United 2 history - being 0-3 down in the 63 minute and being 4-3 up in the 90th after an amazing turnaround. So when Berlin United 2 won Division 1 on the sixth of July 2021, nobody could argue with the fact that BU2 were deserving champions. The crown finally belonged to Berlin United 2, and how they had deserved it, and oh how they had won it.

As usual, the 2020/2021 season also brought its fair share of bad signings - perhaps even the worst signing of all time. Celtic Slayer (Celticaregarbage) joined the team after a questionable trail where he, according to experts, got into the team by giving Aragorn the location of promising Orc hunting grounds. This turned out to be a costly mistake however. Celtic Slayer was shit; absolutely atrocious and only managed three games before Aragorn "took care of him" after an especially poor performance, in which he'd scored an own goal and been sent off. There was also Målfasa and his equally atrocious brother Score. After scoring one of the best goals ever seen in Pro Clubs history on his debut, Målfasa turned into a player about as useful as a disgracefully awful version of 2019/2020 Fortnite Thanos. On Raey Parker's last list ranking the worst ever players for Berlin United 2, Målfasa finished in fourth place, while previously mentioned Celtic Slayer claimed the top spot over Ben Dover.

### The 2021/2022 Season

Berlin United 2 began the new season just as strongly as the last, winning 10 of their opening 12 games, only losing and drawing once respectively. The old gang was back in town once again. Thanos, Snape, Pablo and Aragorn, together with new addition God Usopp, ran the pitch once more and scored goals for fun, taking the team from Division 10 to Division 8 in effectively no time.

## Economic Problems

The high wages of the player MålGöran, would at one point come to be problematic for the club during the 2018/19 season. His demands were higher than the club could muster, which in the long run meant that the club would loose its progression. This is the specific reason why Berlin United 2 fell through division 8 and 9 after a promising uprising. After a while Aragorn had had enough and decapitated MålGöran with his broadsword in the changing-rooms, after an abysmal performance from the striker.

Although this temporarily solved the clubs economic problems and debts, it wouldn't be a solution to last forever. To solve these problems Aragorn simply brought in Donald Trump who turned the clubs debt into profit for everyone involved. The club still receives funding and money from players from Donald Trump to this day, although he doesn't play for the club anymore. It is however estimated that the club would manage without the funds from Donald, due to it's large popularity, ticket sales, shirt sales etc.

According to Forbes in 2018, Berlin United 2 are valued at an estimated 11 billion dollars. In July of 2021, three years later, after winning Division 1, Berlin United 2 were estimated to be worth around 17 billion dollars.

## The Founding of The Muppets 2

Fortnite Thanos, Aragorn, Snape and Dr. FKN Phil...

## Current Squad

### **Goalkeepers**

Legolas

Rapunzel

Slender Man

### **Defenders:**

Tyrone Tyrone

Barry B Benson

Zlatalex V.1

Zlatalex Iblahimovic V.2

John Cena

Albert Einstein

Freddy Fazbear

### **Midfielders:**

Rayd Shadowlegend

Severus Snape

Ninja

God Usopp

Billie Eilish

Obi Wan Kenobi

Ronaldo McDonald

Jamal Blackman

### **Forwards:**

Aragorn Elessar

Fortnite Thanos

Pablo

Ginger Åke

Eric Cartman

Fredbull

## Statistics:

 2nd
 3rd
 4th
 5th

 2nd
 3rd
 4th
 5th