Introduction

**Introduction** is the first episode of the rebooted fifth series/spinoff of The Osbournes, also known as The Osbournes Podcast. It originally aired on the 5th March 2018 and serves as the podcast's pilot.

## Summary

Sixteen years after their sleeper-hit reality TV show premiered, the Osbournes reflect on how a one-off idea - that wasn’t supposed to be, would ultimately change their lives forever. Ozzy finally gets to meet Elizabeth Taylor, and along the way bumps into Kermit the Frog and the Queen of England. Sharon explains her theories on the show’s success, and how inviting cameras into her home encouraged those watching to become a part of the family. Jack and Kelly discuss how overnight stardom may have played a role in warping their innocent and impressionable teenage minds.

## Memorable Quotes

"*Can I just ask, why are we wearing headphone when we're sat across from each other?*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*You can chew and eat but don't sound like Mr Ed when you're doing it.*"
— Jack Osbourne, to Sharon

"*Jack you sound like a lawyer!*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*Because we all have faces for radio now.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*We do have faces for radio because we're all really old.*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*The goal was to do The Osbournes but as a podcast in a sense, really. Kelly why do you want to do a podcast?*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*Because I don't have to wear fucking makeup and can sit here in my pyjamas.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*I like to talk about things and half the time I can't swear on TV. I can swear on here and say what I really feel.*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Mum you're never politically correct!*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*I think it's good you're taking time off, you've not taken time off since you were sixteen Kel.*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*No Moo-Moos I'm not ready yet, my tits aren't saggy enough.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*See! Dad's got my back arsehole!*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*And we've done nothing but watch Donald Trump on the news!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Do you guys still have lots of sex?*"
— Jack Osbourne to his parents

"*JACK PLEASE?! I don't wanna know about mum and dad bumping uglies!*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*We're not dead!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*We're adults now, we can have these conversations.*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*I did think when I was your (Jack) age that people my age never had sex because I was like "why would you want to?"* "
— Sharon Osbourne

"*We don't get chance to fucking "want to"!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*I dunno if Kelly can handle the "World Detour" boogy wagon*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*How dare you call it a van, it's-it's our luxury home on wheels.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Let's do a friend diagram, here's me and dad in the middle "ha ha we have fun!" and here's Kelly outside the diagram.*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*I said "just shoot a long Cribs episode" and originally it was meant to be three episodes but it turned into what it turned into.*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Was I stoned?*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Oh yeah, that sounds about right.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne on being stoned

"*It was the late 90s and early 2000s and MTV was the shit.*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*You brought that house from King Bongo.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*I remember I went up to your room and Eminem was their.*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*That sound so pervy, YOU MADE THAT SOUND SO PERVY. It was D12 and Eminem.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*THE Eminem not M&M, the candy.*"
— Jack Osbourne to Sharon

"*It was the best worst time.*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*Dad, we went through our most fugly, awkward years in our entire life on that show!*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*It was not long after 9/11 and the security was a joke!*"
— Ozzy referring to meeting George W. Bush in What Goes Up...

"*Do you remember what dad said to the Queen? "Your royal magesticness" and there was Kermit the frog on dad's shoulder as he met the Queen.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*Kermit jumped on Rod Stewart's should and he goes "Fuck off you frog!" and then it went onto Ozzy's shoulder just as he's about to meet the Queen.*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*You meet the Queen of England for the first time and Kermit the fucking frog is on your shoulder.*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*Robin dripped everything and came over got into bed with mum and I was at the bottom of the stairs, and we went from crying to pissing ourselves laughing because we could hear mum laughing with Robin and the next day it change everything and mum went back to chemo.*"
— Kelly Osbourne on Robin Williams

"*Alright so err...us Osbournes travel a lot. We live in suitcases, whether mother's doing X-Factor, dad on tour, Kelly joining dad and I on World Detours and something that's a must is a decent toothbrush.*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*For listeners listening we're talking about my giant cigar cabinet, full of giant Cuban cigars, fuck you government come get me! Don't tread on me mother fuckers!*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*Cigars are like wine, they mature in age.*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*I tried to get Kelly to put a bundle up her arse but she wouldn't*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*I think your large arse is better than mine, mine's like a cat a-noose (anus) and yours is like an elephants.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*Cats do have nice bums actally*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*When I was doing research last night, yes that's right. "Why do cats like peeing on plugholes and drain holes?"*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Tigerlilly mum goes, Tigerlilly comes in and mum goes "She's got a mouse!" and I go "nah! She fucking ain't got a mouse"*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*And you know the way they throw it in the air and play with it-*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Can we just talk about how this is the most old person story ever!*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*It was her (Sharon) that fuck-fucking started it!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Jack, fuck off and listen! She (Tigerlilly) throws it around like in the air and I'm like "What the Hell was that?" and it was quite something.*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Daddy got a black rubber glove picked it up-*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Shoved it up your mum's ass.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Better than a gerbil!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Bill Cosby now what a fucking joke! He went public and did interviews about how disgusting we were and how a people-family that swears, that they never swear in his life swore in his life because he was too busy fucking around with women.*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*He was buying them the latest sleeping pill.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*I bet he (Bill Crosby) was looking at Harvey Weinsteinand was thinking "fuck yes!"*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*No because you (Bill Crosby) would rather look at pussy. PUSSY! You fucking asshole!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Ladies and Gentlemen that is my mother.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*mum you are our mother and we are your children and we don't want to hear that coming out of our mum.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*That's something I performed in Vegas long ago and I thought it was fine!*"
— Ozzy on "pussy licking"

"*You know these people that act like they're "holier" than that are always the ones that get caught.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Mrs Dugger's vagina must be fucked! Pounded. That old vagina is pounded! But Jesus is gonna save it!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*There's no pushing they fall out.*"
— Sharon on the Duggers

"*It's outta my league, I've not done drugs for a while.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*I think he should be drugged and every big, big, beefy, big prisoner should butt fuck him!*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Whenever dad doesn't know where he was, he uses the "Get out of jail free card" of "I was in rehab", "I was fucked up", "I was in rehab"*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*I did say that but why the fuck would you listen to a nineteen year old?*"
— Jack Osbourne on selling their home

"*Fucking neighbours!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*How does she know its my fucking cat!*"
— Sharon Osbourne on the tennis neighbours

"*I mean I'm no detective but if I found animal shit on my tennis court I'm probably gonna go ahead and say it was probably my animal obsessed neighbours with five cats and fifteen dogs.*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*We were sandwiched between two douches.*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*All in all it was a great experience!*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Mum didn't know what to say because she wasn't allowed to say fuck so she said "fabulous"*"
— Kelly Osbourne on The Sharon Osbourne Show

"*Mum said to me, do-do you think he (Sharon's brother) is still alive?*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*I'd do it (defecate on a car) to other people but not Elton*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*The very first billboard I was on was me sucking a fucking lemon!*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*I think that we started filming in October 2001, and we aired in March 2002 and that point 9/11 had happened, Invasion of Afghanistan had happened and now there were talks of another war going on. And I honestly think that with all that going on, America was in a depressed, down time that they found a lot of similarities and joy in watching another family being a family.*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*People wanted to get back to reality.*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*Now they use vans and cars as a weapon.*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Y'know America will prevail, y'know*"
— Ozzy Osbourne

"*I'm 'murican now!*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*I've got token valley girls for daughters.*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*I just can't believe that our grand kids have got American accents.*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*Mona Lisa she's called Mona Lisa because she likes to complain a lot.*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*Why don't we wait until we're five years older and do it for the senile people in Florida.*"
— Sharon Osbourne

"*It'll be Kelly and I pushing you two around in wheelchairs as we feed you Bill Cosby jello.*"
— Jack Osbourne

"*No one died and no one cried, I'm fine with this.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*You'll all be hearing from lawyer after this.*"
— Kelly Osbourne

"*Good he Jason Dill can give us the rent he owes us.*"
— Sharon Osbourne

## Trivia

* This episode aired on the same date of the first episode of the first series of the original Osbournes.
* According to Sharon the first series was only meant to have three episodes.
* According to Kelly, she had become ill during the filming of the first series due to an allergic reaction to medication.
* Filming for the first series was delayed on multiple occasions due to Ozzy being stoned.
* It is revealed when Sharon was diagnosed with cancer, Robin Williams immediately came to the household and entertained Sharon and the kids, this went unfilmed. It's also revealed that Robin's death years later caused great distress to the Osbourne family.
* Sharon revealed that she hated the "tennis court" neighbours more than Owen Paul.
	+ She even revealed that the neighbours were the reason they sold the house after Jack recommended it. All except Sharon missed the house.
* The Osbourne family had over nineteen pets.
* Sharon reveals that her brother got arrested after the end of Series 4 with cocaine hidden in his sleeves.
* The family believes that because of 9/11, War on terror and the talks of anthrax may have had an effect on the popularity of the show due to the fact that the show was a "good laugh" during a time of sorrow.
* Despite Ozzy despising the original show he as would the rest of the family express they would enjoy doing a reboot.
* Ozzy was given a shard of the World Trade Centre by one of the firefighters sometime after 9/11 which he still has.
	+ He also offered free tickets to Merry Mayhem for the 9/11 first responders.