Morning Brown (café)

Morning Brown is a trendy overpriced cafe in Melbourne owned by Broden, Zach, and Mark. The only employee who isn't an owner of the business is Stephanie. The cafe has very few regular customers, the few customers being loser nerds and big stinky dorks with too much hair and tiny dicks. After a brief stint in trying to find a trendy hook for the cafe, it was decided that the cafe would have no hooks. The cafe is known to host functions such as the World Championship of People who are Terrible at Noughts and Crosses, and The Real Estate Awards, also known as the Cunties.

The building houses the biggest wasp nest in the southern hemisphere. The wasps are heritage listed and thus cannot be evicted.

## Menu

The cafe focuses in on coffee, being in a coffee culture city. It also sells sandwiches and muffins.

The cafe specializes in platypus milk as people are off dairy these days, maybe due to too much udder or too much teat. As the platypus secretes milk through its skin, there is no udder or teat involved. The platypus is milked in-store on the counter by being squeezed into a bucket.

## Policies

Customers are asked if they have a reusable cup when asking for a takeaway coffee - if no, employees will look at them as if they've personally strangled a Galapagos tortoise. If they say yes, employees will look at them as if this is the biggest inconvenience imaginable, as if they're trying to stop them from strangling a Galapagos tortoise.

The cafe has a merchandise section, including hats, reusable coffee cups, lava lamps, and t-shirts. Employees are able to take whatever they want with the cost being docked from their pay.

Employees are required to wear aprons on the floor.

When a mother and daughter come through the door, it is policy for employees to ask if they are both sisters.

Employees write their availability in a ledger, but if an employee makes a mistake and puts themselves down as available when they actually aren't, they will be coming in regardless.

## History

### Factory

The building that became Morning Brown was originally a factory built on the largest wasp nest in the Southern Hemisphere. What the factory produced is unknown, but the wasps spread into the walls, the roof, the wasp room, and everywhere. The wasps became heritage listed and cannot be evicted.

### As the Morning Brown cafe

The building that was rented to Aunty Donna to become Morning Brown is owned by Sally-Anne, who gave the boys a tour and explained the state of the building. Zach was convinced that it would be the perfect place to open their academy of dramatic arts, but Broden suggested they turn it into a cafe instead. Getting rid of the wasps, finding their queen, eating it, and cleaning off the existing coffee machine that was already there for some reason.

### Looking for hooks

Broden, one of the cafe's owners wanted to draw in cool customers by finding a trendy hook for the cafe. Another owner of the cafe, Zach brought in his cousin Cool Zeke to help find a cool hook. Their ideas for hooks included:

* Something wasp related given the cafe was built on top of an enormous wasp nest
	+ Wasp flavoured coffee, wasps and avocado on toast
	+ Stripping down fully naked with their penises out, painting themselves black and yellow like wasps, buzzing around the cafe, hanging over sugary cans of drinks
* Dressing up as robots, wrapped in tinfoil and rollerblades to wait tables
* Axe throwing
* Putting a vibrator in one of their bottoms and encouraging customers to guess which one of them has it as a musical number
* Allowing children to eat for free
* Becoming a cat cafe
* Being intentionally rude to customers, kind of like the place they went for Broden's birthday (approved by Cool Zeke)

After the cafe filled with wasps, customers flocked to the cafe, but it was decided they shouldn't do any hooks and accept their cafe was primarily for loser nerds.

### Free Wi-Fi

Morning Brown briefly had free Wi-Fi available to paying customers, but they got it with switching their power plan to being powered by Mark on a cycling machine, meaning power in the cafe was unreliable. They attracted more customers than usual, including Morpheus and Neo.

### As a Courtroom

Morning Brown became a Kangaroo courtroom briefly to conduct the trial of The Blueberry Burglar v. the Crown.