Poems in Ren'ai-Vega

The list of poems included at the start and (eventually) the end of chapters in Ren'ai-Vega.

### **Chapter 1**

*Carry me to where angels are born & the heavens scream,*

*Down here on earth I only know of devils who are mean. (14)*
*Bury me where hearts bleed& allow roses to blossom,*
*For mine aches for you yet creates art for Eve’s blossom. (14)*
*Marry my soul with a body that can handle its inferno.*
*When I couldn’t, efforts for your well-being is/are my life’s momento. (16)*

***-00:15 am 8/8/17***

### **Chapter Two**

*Looking back you stood out from the crowd,*

*I watched as you were so loud and proud.*
*This had me amazed how you could be so shrewd,*
*Never in the slightest did you seem rude,*
*Yet you managed to find an opening to protrude.*

*The entwining locks could be seen from afar,*
*From a stellar altar, came my fostered star.*
*At the time, I didn’t consider our scars,*
*Since you were still a stranger and unfamiliar,*
*However this would grow to be so multipolar.*

*Your voice came forth as a roaring song,*
*With it came the star who’d come along.*
*Let’s go to dance the dark night long gone,*
*So that it may slowly sprout our bond,*
*One where both our astral should belong.*

*Words and writing presented then were quite articulate,*
*During my course of rebirthed youth, you arrived rather late.*
*A gentle one, once we both began to associate,*
*You had me to debate if you were a suitable mate,*
*Thinking of you as often as I see my bookplate.*

*Wandering here and there, yet so fair,*
*Originating from the land, Blair.*
*Crushed by the ever high, foreign lair,*
*Unwavering roots had in despair,*
*Until I stumbled across repair.*

*Your contrasting starry-sky skin flashes,*
*Begging, butterfly-batting eyelashes.*
*A voice far from becoming mere ashes,*
*Mesmerising mane maintained anguishes,*
*Beneath all, an ignited soul lushes.*

*Literature was to come in May,*
*To a fresh, spring street titled Rosebay.*
*Fostered star, the only breakaway,*
*Torn between agape and agapai,*
*Our sweet daughter’s name will be Renai.*

***-Fostered Star***

### **Chapter 3**

I told my therapist about you.

Trapped in ignited grasslands yet was still killed to be made your soul’s eclipse,

Amaterasu screams of grievance at storms as hope was hardly a glimpse,

Kusanagi is hidden where creation and death are married in rips,

Even the swords of heaven can’t pierce the veil: I’m left in Yomi as strips,

Takeru struggles for light skies; Izanami raised an apocalypse.

I told my therapist about you.

The slain sun of solace fell with my version of reality,

Misguided moons made tsunami tides to wash away clarity,

A mind that fostered paranoia with unheard intensity,

Serpents strangled my sole atarxia in sudden pity,

How these attacks are born out of my forsaken dexterity.

I told my therapist about you.

Purposely, Suzaku’s rebirth was scorched by Morningstar;kept at bay,

Silently, halcyon wings clipped their stars born to blossom by May,

I’ll fly through my last days as an onmoraki after breakaway,

Unknowingly, an alchemist’s cycle brought a black crow named Renai,

Desperately, I plead my hands to stop wielding weapons and then pray.

I told my therapist about you.

Nightmares about a sinful father is the bane of my sleep,

Every corner of time is impaled with fear that bleeds skin deep,

Red-hooded wolves rip apart scars I have no desire to keep,

Lying shadows please skip me when all I live for is to weep,

Innocence kissed risks to sleep and veiled Virgin Mary’s lost sheep.

I told my therapist I am you,
You’re the chapter of my life I can’t rewrite because the words weren’t right,
You’re the fragile china doll that broke like me after I held you tight,
You’re the knight’s armour I wore on those reaping nights with no might to fight,
You’re Alice who was lost in Wonderland all alone despite mad blight,
You are reborn from ashes of grief with me; together in starlight.
**-I Told My Therapist About You**

### **Chapter Four**

Awakening both the beauty and beast,

Ghouls and stars came to play as in the east.

Ironic Winter Renai colour-fast,

Then how Spring Wilt decided to avast.

Reviving those passionate, scarlet petals,

The vision of you forever my astrals.

Written Eros forming many soft portals,

Aphrodite crafting such fond collaterals.

Birthing deadly thorns for sleeping beauty,

Naturally piercing my purity.

Loving you was never a strict duty,

Yet the ache came as my priority.

Having the wind carry your arousing aroma,

However left those memories to linger.

Everything held sentimental value,

This marked the dawn of pain into poetry.

Blocking out the sunlight to grow,

Preventing myself from engaging with the world.

My only thoughts consisted of you,

All that could bud were seeds of grieve.

Promises of fluttering blooms,

Collided under crushed ballrooms.

Potential for lush gardens,

Met with austere break-evens.

If amore be the reason man was psychotic,

Then I plucked the fleur which guaranteed an asylum.

**-Withered Rose**

### **Chapter 5**

There’s a shackle before I could even dare speak,

The dread of it has my face reflecting a freak.

Strangers have already coloured their Roses without my consent,

My Thorns don’t exist in their false garden: I don’t dare take offense.

Lost hours of the sun spent shadowing the dim past,

Efforts of clarity were never meant to last.

The lines that have kissed the far Horizon & returned,

The numerals that dance in sight until burned.

Scars engraved onto skin deep into soul sail to the Stars,

Blood buried beneath boiled bodies are a marvel to Mars.

Time eats away at the winged elephant of rainbow-esque smiles,

Wasted moments of ripe tears harvested will soon parade for miles.

Overcompensating for reasons I don’t own to be set in dense stones of unknown,
Raise the chalice for a malice of staged accomplice before the deer’s tears are overflown.
Abbreviation becomes my only salvation until the confirmation of registration enters my nation,
Vocalization is the anthem of my transfiguration from a grave relocation to Nightshade’s admiration.

If your  stellar reputation is to be tainted as I’m birthed with the name of the Sun,
Then I plead for forgiveness for filling my heart with the Stars, Moon and Sky smothered with fun.
**-Namesake’s Chain**

### **Chapter Six**

Confirmation came in as the plague did,

Infectious, distressful, unwanted bid.

Validation burst open like Pandora’s Box,

Elpis as useful as menacing, repulsive pox.

Realisation is the Devil himself,

My shockingly, traumatising, cruel elf.

Chained to reason as would an untamed beast,

Resisting my urge to the furthest East.

Tackled by screams of a brutal tempest,

Hesitating until these emotions come to arrest.

Suffocated under oceans of never-ending conflict,

I never knew of such love that had me armored so thick.

It should be over, right?

Yet I’m still cripplingly tight.

When did I lose the meaning of happiness?

Well, it was as nonexistent as the Loch Ness.

Why do I continue to love him?

Because love had been tainted from kin.

Scarlet roses flinch beneath your soft cherry blossoms,

Crimson blood far striking than any passion’s ransom.

Pale lilies belittled by your pure words,

Birthed my dried tears as fragile as winged birds,

Cursed scars engraved as do stars live in the sky,

Decaying corpses hold more colour than my emotional lie.

Why didn’t I listen to the signs?

Simply because I was tinted by binds.

Why does love leave me in such anguish?

Only because I was naively moonish.

Why can’t I move on?

Because of such a fresh, promising bond.

Pity I held such high hopes,

When realism had me by ropes.

Deceived by internal demons,

I lacked all humane reason.

Tragically my heart never basked in light,

She remained hidden, pretending it’s alright.

When their unison first had me violently crippled,

Nowadays it sets off unnerving ripples.

Prior to hours of unraveled screams,

Now I’m content with alarming beams.

My torture is stabbing yourself in the dark,

You do it when no one should know.

He was the muse to my creativity,

I wrote until acquainted with insanity.

He could ignite those sudden sparks,

She extinguished the flames to disembark.

He is the reason I’m alive at dawn,

We all fall to the darkest hours as pawns.

His scent became a recognisable memory,

As if it were a sensual, comforting fairy.

When we could just talk regularly,

I treasured time ever so dearly.

I can finally understand his flaws,

Akin to knowing scarring, unique claws.
**-Fragmented Haven 4:9:16 (Convey)**

### **Chapter VII**

*Flames flicker across lined paths,'*

*Obscurities to everlast,*

*Dedication just for laughs,*

*Ashes to paint erupted blasts.*

*Burnt fingers to remind the mistake,*

*Passion means to obliterate.*

*Fire played along tattered fences,*

*Common sense dived over the edge,*

*Smoke trailed behind offences,*

*Reason flew far past my head.*

*Bitterness engraved into stone,*

*Fury made me its broken home.*

*Inferno has my love written all over it,*

*Hellishly dangerous and should be a missed hit,*

*Uncontrollable chaos was covertly lit,*

*Colossal heat was no longer body’s misfit.*

*A mind that never met inspiration again,*

*Could never be mended, even by the best craftsman.*

*Who’d have thought it’d come to this?*

*I still can’t move on after being abolished,*

*Isn’t this where the soul is extinguished?*

*My blaze distorted by his.*

*Conflagration assigned as my heart’s anthem,*

*Your gentle, fiery passion caused mayhem.*
**-Ignited Tragedy 7:9:16 (Convey)**

### **Chapter VIII**

*The layers grow when I wish  could, I drown in my own mind,*

*Pure darkness is as clear as eyes when looked from one’s own behind. (15)*

*All the knowledge that must be done doesn’t sit with a will to burn,*

*Ashes revealed corpses in frozen ruins, this was my turn to learn? (16)*

*Silence is my illusion for those that still spark my heart with armoured art,*

*Veils of isolation bathe me more than holy water as damned to part. (18)*

***-21:12 5/8/17***

*Even when I’m unconscious, I’m still looking for you-calling for a named soul that’ll never respond.*

*This separation has me perched on desperation, my dreams tell of no lie when it’s your absence that I wish will fly.*

*I was unaware that I still speak of you in my sleep, while my mind is fluid with sights I’d never imagine for my body to run the frights.*

*I can miss, yearn & change for a thousand years-yet,we all know;it’s best that you’re never near.*

*When the previous moons have taught me to endure the pain, this grief is no game-however, it must be maintained otherwise all will fall lame.*

*We’ve met before at night under a million starlights, now I return alone and prepare my wuthered heart for the bittersweet bites.*

*-**4:28 10/8/17***

### **Chapter Nine**

*Denial blossomed as that first winter twilight during trial,* *The truth of summer’s heart was written among the celestial. (16)
Anger made a visit from childhood  to be the bane of cliffhangers,
Solace danced with our loved souls ; as withered from being a warmonger. (17)
Bargaining had the fee of time’s obsession that the mind was aborning,
What never existed I held in your trust- “stability aborting?” (18)
Depression carved your void’s farewell that was filled with my fresh palette’s expression,
Ren'ai ‘s resistance gave consent to welcome  dreaded adulthood submission. (19)
Acceptance entwined with these fostered locks was the key  for living through our distance. (20)*

*I know he broke my heart, I was there when it happened. Still, that gives you no right to break him. Leave him alone as he’s decided to do with me. My love for him was as true as a twilight memory blossoming in the winter. It froze me during the darkest hours, yet goddamn, does it ever take your breath away in awe. I still feel the same way.*

*The pain is this overwhelming because it’s real, while my dreams tell of no lie; reality never flies. While my poetry and craft can’t remain, at  least I’ll leave behind this: a broken maiden’s passion so true it coloured her summer blue.*

*-**00:52 12/8/17***

### **Chapter X**

*Rebirth dawned inspiration as would a blank canvas,*

*Creativity weighed as the sky on the shoulders of Atlas,*

*Among the enticing phenomenon existed fresh novas,*

*History to remember them as the evergreen nebulas.*

*Voices of the future seemed so distant,*

*Dread swallowed my words to be hesitant,*

*Visions of the past came in abundant,*

*Trauma tore apart antidepressant.*

*Muses bloomed as during the peak of spring,*

*Happiness  doesn’t mean having a king,*

*Brushes of self-love became aspiring,*

*Drops of morning dew became faithful wings.*

*Despair welcomed itself back as I prepared to create,*

*Grief  craved infectious woes when I had just learnt to abdicate,*

*Misery took no mercy on handiwork to disintegrate,*

*Sorrow meant the art of joy had unwillingly obliterate.*

*Rain painted the untainted ground with exotic colours,*

*Clouds offer tints of outlandish patterns as answers,*

*Season’s hue arrives with no expected return as do favours,*

*Mere compassion to sketch the gratitude as reminders.*

*-**Palette of Hope 5:10:16 (Convey)***

### **Chapter Eleven**

*I raise the flames near my portals and forge the barriers,*

*Nothing enters and all escape as my carriers. (14)*

*I found beauty in counting bones naked to eyes,*

*Everyone asks where’d it go, I feed them lies. (12)*

*Flinching at the slightest increase of weight,*

*I burn myself with hate without debate. (10)*

*The platter serves lost minds and months dressed in ache,*

*I order without complain, no plates of cake. (11)*

*I vomit acid when nothing exists,*

*Torture cycles written as diet lists. (10)*

*A body walking to its death,*

*I pull strings-quicken math. (8)*

*-**11:15pm 4/8/17***

### **Chapter XII**

*Even when the sun has set and the sky is engulfed in darkness,*

*Even as the remaining moon and stars of all light  have vanished,*

*Every beacon of visible clarity hides in abruptness,*

*I will be watching over you with ignited rays to be shed.*

*Although the tempest of wrath has swiftly split the sky apart,*

*Although its rains of havoc for tranquility  to depart,*

*As shattered souls soar across vast storms as sacrificial art,*

*I will preserve a haven of lulls for you within my heart.*

*However the cold winters dance along verdure to imprison,*

*However the autumns descend wilting arrows without reason,*

*Here summers and springs are the youth wavering in unison,*

*I’ll continue listening to your woes unlike changing seasons.*

*While Hades grimly parades all around the treacherous, under earth,*

*While damned sins echo the halls of hallowed paths in manners of wayward,*

*When  graves of regret fill more rivers to atone than those who were birthed,*

*I’ll respect your unexpressed prayers for the times they have gone unheard.*

*Lest a star fosters agony, you’re therapy for scars of ephemeral,*

*Lest a rose withers from insanity, your grip reaches before its astray,*

*Left behind are encouraging stepping stones the epitome of astral,*

*I am one to care for you from afar with no requiring fare, Ren’ai.*

-**Hearts from Afar 21:10:16 (Convey)**

*If stars don’t exist where light kisses the sun to come out to play:*

*Clarity, that you are my everything and centre of days. (16)*

*As the horizon is eternal and seasons change without Time’s flames to die out,*

*I did anything for you as naturally as I could with painful doubt. (20)*

*A nightmare that I’ve tasted before,*

*You did the one thing I never could. (9)*

*You released me like a maiden lost in tragic lore,*

*The end of Youth and Time; love as engraved in wood. (13)*

*-**00:30am 8/8/17***