Spider-Man Enter the Witchaverse: LIVE!

***Spider-Man Enter the Witchaverse: LIVE!*** is the two-hundred eighty fourth episode of *Off Book: The Improvised Musical*. It was recorded live at the Great Star Theater as a part of SF Sketchfest on January 21st, 2023 and released January 24, 2023. Two witches living in the woods trap Peter Parker in a time loop to make him fall in love with them, as Aunt May goes out with a time technician ready to bust those messing with time. What will happen when these two worlds collide?

## Episode Description

This episode of Off Book was recorded live at San Fransisco Sketchfest in January of 2023 at the Great Star Theater. It's not the first time Spider-Man has appeared in our show, and every time we don't get sued it increases the likelihood that it won't be the last. Thank you everyone who came out to see our faces with your faces. Enjoy!

## Plot

On a trip into the woods, Peter Parker meets two witches, Bernice and Gladys, who inform him that he is a beloved figure among their coven. They tell him that this is because of his webs, which remind them of their hair. The other witches of the coven tell Spider-Man about all the merchandise they have of him, and inform him that they are all wearing wigs. Spider-Man reflects that he never suspected that he meant so much to a coven of witches, and that he thought most of his fans were young kids. ("You Remind Us of Our Hair")

Later, Gladys asks Bernice why she's moping over her potion. Bernice informs her that it's because she knows the best day of her life has happened, Tuesday the 15th of February, 2017, the day Spider-Man came to visit. Gladys suggests that they should break time, so that Spider-Man comes to visit everyday. Bernice recounts the short programs that she's watched where breaking time turns out bad, but Gladys thinks that when they do it'll be better. The two brainstorm reasons that they would better at making a time loop than others and the logistics of the time loop, which include the goal of making Spider-Man fall in love with both of them. ("They're Not Us")

At Peter Parker and Aunt May's House, Aunt May calls Peter's powers by comical names and reminds us (and herself) that it is, in fact, 2017, she's Aunt May, and she's alive. After telling him that it's his woods day, Peter seems distraught and Aunt May seems concerned that he has an unknowing feeling about the woods. He asks if she ever feels like she's in love with two older women she's never met, and the two discuss whether this is part of his powers. After giving some spider facts that we wouldn't typically associate with Spider-Man, Aunt May reveals that she is trying some things. The two each lament about their relationships, wondering how they both fall in love as Spider-Man decides to go to the woods to discover what's up, and leaves Aunt May to get a little strange. ("How Do Spiders Fall in Love")

Back at the cave, Bernice and Gladys are arguing and they inform us that they aren't getting along, after thousands of years together, because of their jealousy over Spider-Man. After reading something off of their big white board, the two are reminded of how much they love the board. While they are swept up in their love for the board, Bernice accidently tells Gladys that it makes her want to break out of the time loop. The two both agree that they don't like the time loop as much as the board, and that they want to break out of the time loop. ("I Love the Board")

Bernice and Gladys make the choice to tell Peter Parker everything, fearing that this will be their last day with him. Peter comes to an immediate realization that these are the old women he has been seeing in his dreams, and feels relieved that he now understands everything. They recount their experiences together, everyone agreeing that Peter remembering everything is good for all of them. They invite Peter to live with them but he proposes they just go on a date, and this time, he'll remember the date. ("I Remember")

Outside the woods, Aunt May is on a date with a man whose former wife was squished by Ant-Man. After telling him that she's in her Dr. Get Strange mode, the two compliment his cape/cloak, then wonder what the difference is between a cape and a cloak and which their relationship would be. They decide to go on a date the following day, and we learn that the man is a time technician here on a business trip after getting an alarm that someone's been messing with time for 242 days. ("What's the Difference Between a Cape and a Cloak?")

At Aunt May and Peter Parkers house, they both reveal that they have dates the following days at Plates on Elm, one of the many rooms where you smash plates. As they tell each other who their dates are with, Aunt May grows suspicious that they may have something to do with each other. Aunt May explains that her date patrols the timeline, and when someone messes with it, he kills them with a weird long rod. They fret that the witches will get killed by the time technician, or that they will cast a spell on him. They decide that they will both go on their dates and try to keep the two groups separated, despite the sitcoms that tell them this could go badly. ("If It's Us")

At Plates on Elm, Peter and the witches are informed that they have been booked in the (B)ee room, which holds five people. They request a room for less, which prompts the employee to offer the (D)ragonfly room, and they discover that this employee has renamed all the rooms after bugs despite his boss's wishes, (A)nt, (B)ee, (C)aterpiller, (D)ragonfly, (E)el (cause they kinda look like bugs) (F)irefly, and (G)lug (what the employee called slugs when he was young). They decide to go to the (G)lugs room, which holds ten people. Aunt May and the time technician, Lucas, get the (B)ee room, and also ask for a smaller or bigger room. After hearing all the rooms from a different employee, they also decide to go to the (G)lugs room. ("Rooms at Plates")

All five people now in one room, the witches talk incessantly about the time loop and Lucas worries to May that he may need to start working. The witches introduce themselves to him, and tell him that they have trapped Peter in a time loop for 242 days. Lucas laments that he doesn't want to use his time rod on his day off, and the witches worry that they will have to cast a spell on their day off. Peter and May lament both that they couldn't keep the two groups apart, and that neither of them get off days. ("On Our Day Off")

The witches tell Lucas that his time rod doesn't *actually* kill people, and threaten to turn Lucas into glugs/slugs, which he says are one in the same. All three decide that they don't want to punch in on their respective clocks. Left at a crossroads, Lucas tells them that time workers and witches who messed with time couldn't be friends, historically. However, they all propose that with trust, and because it's them, they would do it better than everybody else. ("If It's Us" (Reprise)")

**Show/Hide**
## Musical Cast

### Jessica McKenna

* Bernice, witch
* Aunt May
* Plates on Elm employee

### Zach Reino

* Gladys, witch
* Peter Parker, Spider-Man
* Lucas, Time Technician
* Plates on Elm employee #2

## Talkback Cast

### Jessica McKenna

* Producer
* Marvel executive
* Lawyer #2
* Hair and makeup

### Zach Reino

* Keifer, set designer
* Bono
* Writer
* Lawyer
* Costume designer #2

## Songs

* "You Remind Us of Our Hair" (4:08)
* "They're Not Us" (8:50)
* "How Do Spiders Fall in Love?" (14:52)
* "I Love the Board" (20:53)
* "I Remember" (25:42)
* "What's the Difference Between a Cape and a Cloak?" (31:10)
* "If It's Us" (39:11)
* "Rooms at Plates" (43:00)
* "On Our Day Off" (47:25)
* "If It's Us (Reprise)" (Finale) (50:33)

Cut Song:

* "Mostly, We Know What a Cape Is" (1:03:50)

## Rooms at Plates

* A - Ant
* B - Bee
* C - Caterpillar
* D - Dragonfly
* E - Eel
* F - Firefly
* G - Glugs

## Trivia

* This is a rare live episode that has a sign-off quote at the end.