Rainier Wolfcastle

Wolfcastle is a famous Osterlian actor known for his role in Action Movies throughout the 80's and 90's as well as his political career as Governor of and then later President of California.

Wolfcastle's father was infamously a Nazi, though one who deeply regretted his involvement in their atrocities, though Wolfcastle grew up somewhat anti-semitic as a result. Wolfcastle's acting career began when he was a child in Osterlich, appearing in television commercials for Fritz Schnackenpfefferhausen bratwurst. He began to experiment with bodybuilding, and thanks to his new muscular physique gained several starring roles in Gay pornography films(though he himself is not gay and in fact quite homophobic, he is just extremely committed to every role he is in). He also advertised "Powersauce Bars"which were a brand of energy bars that were cancelled due to being made up of apple cores and newspapers. Wolfcastle's body building career finally took off, and he became a legendary figure when he starred in a film about Bodybuilders. He inspired many to become bodybuilders themselves such as his cousins Hans and Franz Wolfcastle and the Umbilical brothers. His attitude led to a movement to end an epidemic of what was referred to by Wolfcastle as "Girly Men" and promote masculinity and physical fitness. The most successful of his disciples is believed to be Nils Niedhart, who became an Olympic athlete.

Wolfcastle's true calling was in fact acting and he got his big break playing *Conan the Librarian*, after losing the role in the *Beast Wizard* series to actor George Laszlo. Wolfcastle began to play acting roles in major action films and their (often lucrative)sequels such as Max Savage, Jack Slater, and McBain. However he also faced competition from other actors such as Chuck Scarett, and Jack Howitzer. Howitzer rose to the top with his *Destroyer* films(Rambo), however, Howitzer shot his career in the foot when he literally shot a talk show host by accident while promoting his film *Special Needs Cop*(Kindergarten Cop), paving the way for Wolfcastle's career to take off with the McBain movies. In the 90's McBain's biggest competition was probably martial artist Johnny Cage. He continued to act though began to star in a string of Action comedies(with the odd drama such as his version of Hamlet inspired by his young fan Danny Madigan), some say this is due to his daughter Gerda Wolfcastle being of age to watch his films. As time went on his career dried up and he made a shift towards politics as a Republican, eventually becoming Governor of California(though he insisted on being called "The Governator"). It would be while he was giving a press conference telling the people of the State that there was no danger that the ground would suddenly crack. In 2012, the state of California broke off from the US, literally becoming an island. Nehemiah Scudder had often declared California to be a den of sin and the fact that he appeared prophetic catapulted him to the Presidency, though he would soon be impeached. Wolfcastle, after helping to clean up the state thanks in part to the Mercenary Snake Plisken, would declare himself the first President of California. He would play a part in restoring order to the nation as it drifted back to rejoin the US. California's power grew to encompass the State of Oregon and a member of the EPA would go behind his back to dome off the city of Springfield. Once this was discovered, the resulting backlash led to Wolfcastle resigning from politics, though he did criticize the attacks on the Capitol in response to Quentin Carroway's loss of the 2020 Election. He would devote the rest of his life to his legacy, building the Rainier Wolfcastle Presidential Museum. He had left an indomitable mark on pop culture with many fictional characters being parodies of him as musclebound men with Osterlian accents such as Video game character Sting Sniperscope. For his contributions to the film genre, the Oscars were renamed to the Rainies in his honor.

**Filmography**

* **The Devastator(1984)**
* **Jack Slater**
* **Total Explosion***(***appears to be an alternate universe Total Recall,***1990)*
* **Jack Slater II**
* **McBain (1991)**
* **Devastator 2(1991)**
* **Jack Slater III:** Plot details known as that the Ripper killed Jack's son Andy and Tina turner plays the Mayor of Los Santos.
* **McBain II: You Have the Right to Remain Dead(1992):** Model Mary Jane Watson nearly appeared in this film during her career as a model but turned it down when she realized she would only be playing a character McBain would sleep with.
* **Jack Slater IV(1993):** Headline was: "They killed his second cousin. BIG mistake. [explosion] Jack Slater IV." The storyline centers around Jack's pursuit of crime boss Tony Vivaldi as he attempts, through murder and double-crosses, to defeat the Torelli mob and become the top dog in Los Santos. This leads to a funeral for Torelli mob member, Leo the Fart. The film also introduces Jack's daughter Whitney, played by Meredith Caprice.
* **Help! My Son is a Nerd (1993):** Not A Comedy
* **McBain III: Let's Get Silly(1994):** This film was a bomb, costing 80 Million and consisting of McBain doing failed stand up and killing his critics.
* **Radioactive Man and Fallout Boy: T**he Movie: Entered production in 1995, Cancelled.
* **McBain IV: Fatal Discharge (1996)**
* **Devastator 3(1998)**
* **Saving Irene Ryan(1999)**
* **McBain V: The Final Chapter (2000)**
* **McBain VI: The Incredible Shrinking McBain(2002)**
* **My Baby is an Ugly Man(2002)**
* **Undercover Nerd(2002)**
* **Hamlet(2003)**
* **Magic Ticket**
* **Let's Get Nerdy**
* **Mrs. Mom (2007):** movie based on a Marge Simpson script
* **Frankenberry: The Movie 2: The Frankenberry Wears Prada(Pre-2007)**
* **I Shoot Your Face(Pre-2007)**
* **I Shoot Your Face Again(Pre-2007)**
* **Father of the Presibot(2007)**
* **Jaws of Life**
* **The Real Deal**
* **Nudist Camp Commandant**

## **References**

*The Simpsons-*Wolfcastle himself and most of his early life and filmography

*Saturday Night Live-*Hanz and Franz, parodies of Arnold Shwarzenegger, confirmed in skits to be his cousins.

*The Umbilical Brothers-*Another pair of comedians parodying Shwarzenegger's body builder career.

*Animaniacs(2020)-*Nils Niedhart, An Olympic athlete parody of Shwarzenegger.

*UHF-*From which Conan the Librarian originates.

*Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles-* George Lazlo, actor who is killed and impersonated by a Terminator. Plays a Barbarian in the Beast Wizard Series, a parody of Beast Master.

*The Cosby Show-*Max Savage being an offhandedly mentioned film.

*Joe Somebody-*From which Chuck Scarett originates.

*Grand Theft Auto-*Jack Howitzer and his two mentioned films.

*2012-*Arnold himself is seen giving a speech shortly before an Earthquake.

*If This Goes on...-*Nehemiah Scudder originates from this work.

*Doctor Who-*The Episode "Bad Wolf", set in the future, mentions President Shwarzenegger.

*The Simpsons Movie-*Outright shows President Shwarzenegger.

*Demolition Man-*Also mentions President Shwarzenegger.

*Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazzard-*Sting Sniperscope being an obvious parody.

*The New Batman Adventures-* episode *"The Demon Within"*, mentions the Devastator series, evidently with a disappointing third film, complete with a Shwarzenegger parody called Arnold Shaltenpepper.

*Last Action Hero-*Here Wolfcastle takes Arnold's role as the actor in the Jack Slater films.

*Spider-Man #25-*Involves a subplot about Mary Jane Watson getting a movie role that warrants her sleeping with Arnold Shwarzenheimer. Never seen but clearly intended to be Shwarzenegger.

*The Fairly Oddparents Episode "Movie Magic"-*Arnold Shwarzegerman doing Hamlet. which he was seen doing in a dream sequence in *Last Action Hero*

*Judge Dredd-*The Oscars are shown to have been renamed the Arnies. "The Rainies" is the presumed equivalent.

## **Notes**

-Yes the President of California bit is a way to work in Jokes about Shwarzenegger being President which appear in *Demolition Man, the Simpsons Movie,* and the Doctor Who Episode *Bad Wolf.*

-Sting Sniperscope would technically be an unused character in his own setting of *Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazzard.*. Here he saw new life in order to make the reference work. The game he's in was intended to kill off the protagonist and replace him with Sting Sniperscope in a twist akin to *Metal Gear Solid 2,* while this didn't happen due to Video Game character Matt Hazzard and a programmer becoming aware of this and preventing it, here he did have a comeback akin to Raiden in a *Matt Hazzard* spinoff.

-There are two instances of Shwarzenagger doing Hamlet, one in Last Action Hero as a dream sequence and one in an episode of Fairly Oddparents(albeit as Arnold Shwarzegerman). Since Last Action Hero predates the Fairly Oddparents episode, the connection that Madigan told Wolfcastle of his dream is made(He's an orphan and actually met Jack Slater so he figures he owes the kid one and he's made weirder movies before in after given his Simpsons Filmography).