Shatter of the Tomb Raider

Summary of key-exploration and some dungeons.

The first half of the session is a mystery to anyone who isn’t Oli, as the cheeky fuck took an hour to ask five questions and then had the brass cajones to not tell anyone else in the party. Going over the tape it's actually unclear if there were five questions asked or four, but what’s a question between mortals and the literal king of the Fey-wild whose disappearance sparked a centuries interfamily fight between the summer and winter factions? It’s not like when we use all the keys an actual god will manifest in the material plane over storm gate, dropping a proverbial nuke of a storm and possibly wiping out all life as we know it in that area.

For everyone else, Oli blinked and it was over, which also left Alex without a plot hook because she explicitly did not ask a specific question. No one could have expected this. Left feeling impotent, the party proceeded to the Mad Baron Thaum’s dungeon, as they needed maximum violence to get the taste of plot that they didn’t know about out of their mouth. Using the power of imagination, and also the water breathing spell, the party managed to swim their way to the entrance.

Upon entering the fungeon, the party was confronted with a giant statue of a demon with ruby eyes. The party wisely decided not to fuck with it after Roz said “I don’t think fucking with that is a good idea”. They walked into another room where they were confronted with a crypt with a noticeable coffin. Once again Roz voiced opposition to fucking with it, but this time Jorin decided to act his new age, and immediately proceeded to fuck with it, which resulted in a very loud noise. This woke up a bunch of zombie-skeletons, and one giant “WTF is that”-skeleton, who dunked on the party. Ray, deciding that his street cred couldn’t take the hit if he got wiped by Salad Fingers, turned Oli into a T-Rex who T-Rex’d all over the skeletons that were remaining. Despite dealing the lion’s (lizard’s?) share of the damage, it was Roz who killed Undead-Slenderman, kicking its head clean off.

Oli, no longer the King of all Lizards, tried to compliment Roz for killing bone-hands, despite Roz being a Killstealing fuck. It wasn’t very effective. They party looted the body, gaining a bunch of elemental gems and sick loot. Roz managed to get a ring of protection, which was hyper neat and appreciated. The party decided to leave Thaum’s funhouse. On their way out, Vincent, in typical kobold fashion, initiated a fight with the demon statue. Nobody appreciated it. Nobody appreciated it so much that the party wiped the much stronger statue-then-ghost in about six seconds out of pure exasperation.

It was then revealed by upstanding citizen, community leader, and moral paragon Jorin, who always tells the truth, that Oli had called Roz sugar tits. This was wildly inappropriate and will definitely have consequences. In the course of the high-level and serious conversation regarding oppressive structures, misogyny, and the glass ceiling, it was revealed that Oli was elf-16-7. This explained everything, for all time, and is canon.

That’s what happened.

*(Written by Giggs, aka ~~Roz~~ [it was not written as Roz, you'll know when that happens])*