It's the Great Pumpkin Flavor, Mike Mormon!/Transcript

## Transcript

[This episode begins at the Donut Shack. We see the exterior shot of it.]

**NARRATOR: Fall has come, and when it comes to fall, the Donut Shack has got some wonder-fall flavors! Get it? Wonderful? (chuckles) Never mind! Let’s just get started with this episode!**

[The shack is packed with customers drinking pumpkin milkshakes, pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin donuts, and pumpkin iced coffee. Cut to Mike and Kyle behind the register.]

**KYLE: Ah, I love autumn. Don’t you, Mike?**

**MIKE: I’m allergic to it. (sneezes)**

**KYLE: Gesundheit.**

**MIKE: Thanks.**

[Connor walks up to the register.]

**CONNOR: Hey, Mike!**

**MIKE: Hey, Connor. What do you want to order?**

**CONNOR: I want six pumpkin donuts, six apple cider donuts. Put them in the same box! And I want a pumpkin spice latte. (Mike writes this down in the notepad as he says this)**

**MIKE: Christ, Connor, you ordered a lot of fall items!**

**CONNOR: Hey, I have a huge appetite, okay?**

**MIKE: Okay, okay! Please stop doing that! (to Kyle) Kyle!**

**KYLE: (offscreen) Coming right up!**

**MIKE: (sarcastically) Oh goody.**

**KYLE: We’re all out of pumpkin flavoring.**

**CONNOR: WHAT?!**

**KYLE: And we only have 4 pumpkin donuts left. Sorry, Connor.**

**CONNOR: No pumpkin spice latte? (moment of silence) WHY?!! (sobbing)**

**MIKE: Well, you should be happy that we still have the donuts you ordered.**

**CONNOR: Yeah, but I wanted six of them! SIX OF THEM!**

[Doug walks up to them.]

**DOUG: Mike, what the hell’s going on out here?**

**MIKE: We’re a--**

**KYLE: (interrupts him) We’re all out of pumpkin flavoring, Doug!**

**DOUG: WHAT?!**

**MIKE: Alright already!**

**KYLE: And if our customers find out about this, they'll be disappointed!**

**DOUG: Yeah, I know, which is why I want you two to go find some more pumpkin flavoring!**

**KYLE: Yessir!**

**MIKE: But who’s gonna do all the work around here? You only hired two employees, genius!**

**DOUG: Don’t worry, guys! I’ll take care of your jobs until you come back! Now run along and don’t come back until you get me some pumpkin flavoring. (car honks) Coming!**

[Cut to the supermarket. Missy, who works at the supermarket, is with Mike and Kyle.]

**MISSY: Sorry, guys. We’re all out of pumpkin flavoring. We’re expecting the next shipment to arrive in about… two weeks!**

**KYLE: Two weeks? This is terrible! Doug really needs that flavoring now, or else business will go downhill!**

**MIKE: Let’s face it, Kyle! Missy said that they’re all out! And we checked every supermarket in town to no avail!**

**KYLE: Yeah, maybe you’re right, Mike!**

**MISSY: Hey, don’t lose hope, you guys. I know one way you can get pumpkin flavoring!**

**MIKE: Where?**

[Cut to them at a pumpkin patch.]

**MISSY: Straight from the source!**

**MIKE: Wait, how’d we get here this fast?**

**KYLE: It's the power of cartoon logic that got us here, my friend!**

**MISSY: Well, I better get back to work! Good luck! (kisses Mike on the cheek and walks off)**

**MIKE: Okay, see ya, babe! (closeup; to himself) God, I love her so much! (to Kyle) Now, how are we gonna get the flavor straight from the source?**

**KYLE: Mike, when life gives you pumpkins, you make pumpkin flavoring!**

**MIKE: Don’t you mean ‘when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade’?**

**KYLE: I’m using that for the situation we’re in.**

**MIKE: But still, how the hell are we gonna make pumpkin juice out of these pumpkins?**

**KYLE: (takes out juicer) With this.**

**MIKE: Well, that’s convenient. Enough chit-chat! We’ve got work to do!**

[Mike is about to poke a pumpkin with the juicer, but a voice tells him to stop.]

**PUMPKIN JOHNNY: (offscreen) STOP!**

**MIKE: Who said that?**

**PUMPKIN JOHNNY: (offscreen) Down here! (Mike looks down) Behind you, doofus!**

**MIKE: (offscreen; talking pumpkin shown) Holy crap! (onscreen) You’re a talking pumpkin!**

**KYLE: But pumpkins can’t talk!**

**PUMPKIN JOHNNY: Hey, that’s racist!**

**KYLE: Sorry.**

**MIKE: And why can’t I kill these pumpkins?**

**PUMPKIN JOHNNY: They’re my family members! You’re about to commit pumpkin genocide!**

**MIKE: Guess what, kid? (detailed close-up) I don’t care!**

**PUMPKIN JOHNNY: You better not stab Martha and turn her into one of those so-called “jack-o-lanterns”! You better not!**

**MIKE: Oh, so you guys have names, huh?**

**PUMPKIN JOHNNY: Yes! My name’s Johnny! And that was also racist!**

**MIKE: Okay, but that’s not gonna stop us from killing your beloved Martha! We’re doing this for the sake of coffee shops!**

**PUMPKIN JOHNNY: Whatever that means. I’m calling the police! (takes out phone and is about to call cops)**

**KYLE: You guys have phones too? That’s so cute!**

**MIKE: You’re not helping, Kyle!**

**KYLE: Sorry.**

**MIKE: And what makes you think that the cops would listen to a little pumpkin like you?**

**PUMPKIN JOHNNY: Shut up! I’m on the phone!**

[A police officer answers the phone at his desk.]

**POLICE OFFICER: Nine-one-one, what’s your emergency?**

**PUMPKIN JOHNNY: Hello, police, I would like to report that two men are trying to kill one of my family members.**

**POLICE OFFICER: Okay, so where are they at?**

**PUMPKIN JOHNNY: They’re at the pumpkin patch, trying to kill my beloved Martha.**

**POLICE OFFICER: Pumpkin patch, eh? And who is this Martha you speak of?**

**PUMPKIN JOHNNY: Well, she’s a pumpkin, just like me and the rest of my family!**

**POLICE OFFICER: (sigh) So let me get this straight, two men are trying to kill a pumpkin.**

**PUMPKIN JOHNNY: Yes.**

**POLICE OFFICER: Aw, how cute! And are they gonna carve a face and turn it into a cute little jack-o-lantern?**

**PUMPKIN JOHNNY: Yeah! And how is this cute? It’s murder!**

**POLICE OFFICER: Listen, kid. It’s a fall tradition. Pumpkins are supposed to be used as stuff like pumpkin pies and jack-o-lanterns.**

**PUMPKIN JOHNNY: Well, I don’t like it! Come over here and arrest them!**

**POLICE OFFICER: Look, it’s not illegal to kill pumpkins. They don’t even have lives. Therefore, I can’t arrest them.**

**PUMPKIN JOHNNY: Now, listen here, you little--**

[The police officer hangs up.]

**POLICE OFFICER: Idiot.**

[Cut back to the pumpkin patch.]

**PUMPKIN JOHNNY: Dammit, they hung up on me!**

**MIKE: See? Nobody’s gonna believe about humans murdering pumpkins! So just let us do our job and leave us alone!**

**PUMPKIN JOHNNY: No!**

**KYLE: Come on! We’re doing this to sell food to customers!**

**PUMPKIN JOHNNY: That’s cannibalism, and I will not allow it in this patch!**

**MIKE: Listen, Mayor Seeds-for-Guts, you are going to let us do our boss a favor or so help me God, I’m gonna smash you into pieces with my foot! (raises foot in the air)**

**PUMPKIN JOHNNY: Okay, okay! Fine! Do your stupid job! I don’t freaking care anymore! Nobody ever listens to an orange piece of crap like me anyway. (sobbing; pees himself; offscreen) Sorry, guys! I pee when I get sad!**

**MIKE: (thinks) Pee, eh? Kyle, I have an idea!**

[Time card: Later...]

[At the Donut Shack, Connor eats a pumpkin donut at the table.]

**CONNOR: Wow, this pumpkin donut tastes delicious! Thanks for getting more of that pumpkin stuff, guys!**

[Mike sits across from him with Kyle and Doug.]

**MIKE: Oh, it was nothing. But thank the pumpkin on the table. He deserves more credit.**

**CONNOR: Oh. Thanks, talking pumpkin!**

**PUMPKIN JOHNNY: You're welcome, kid. Luckily, we stored all the pumpkin flavoring in that big bottle over there.**

[He points to a big jug of orange pumpkin "flavoring" in the kitchen. We cut to it.]

**DOUG: (offscreen) It's enough to make dozens of pumpkin donuts and coffees I guess.**

[Cut to black.]

**PUMPKIN JOHNNY: (offscreen) And it's made out of pumpkin pee!**

**MIKE: (offscreen) Hey, don't reveal your secret!**

[The end.]