Scary Ghost Stories That Don't Add Up

There's nothing quite like hearing ghost stories late at night, huddled around a campfire. Such terrifying tales will make your blood run cold! Side benefit: they might also help you with your math homework.

## Transcript

Jason: That river water's cold and refreshing.

Matt: Now that the sun's gone down, I reckon it's a good time for a ghost story. Y'all know any good ones?
Jason: I do.

Jason: *"It was a dark and spooky night. A woman named Janice was new in the town, and she had headed back to her shed to get the harvester for the cabbages. When all of a sudden she came across seven black cats."*
Matt: Oh, this is good.
Jason: *"She had caught herself feeling mighty spooked. So she closed up the doors real tight. But when she turned around, there were six more black cats. How many cats did she see in all?"*

Matt: Wait, what?
Aaron: I'd say thirteen.
Jason: Bingo.
Matt: That wasn't a scary story, that was a math problem.
Jason: Oh, yeah.
Aaron: Alright then.

Aaron: *"Many years ago, an old widower made his way into town, seeking revenge on his late wife's murderer. Having asked around town, he learned that the suspect may be at the marketplace."*
Matt: I like where this is going.
Aaron: *"When he went to the marketplace, the killer wasn't there. So he bought 32 watermelons and asked seven ranchers for more information. Now say each rancher eats three watermelons, how many ranchers can the widower feed?"*

Jason: Why, you're starting to give me the heebie-jeebies. But is the answer ten with a remainder of two?
Aaron: That it is.
Jason: Alright.
Matt: That was still a math problem.
Jason: Oh yeah.
Matt: Listen here, keep the scary going to the end of the story.
Aaron: Oh... right... okay.

Aaron: *"Old Man Willie was known around town as a killer, so it came to no surprise to nobody, when he was involved in the death of 13 ranchers-"*
Matt: Nope!
Aaron: Sorry. *"Sheriff Jensen went a-looking for Old Man Willie. It was late. The sun had set. The sheriff decided to set up camp when he heard a noise behind him. Like a ghost in the night, there stood Old Man Willie."*
Matt: Oh boy.
Aaron: *"Sheriff jumped for his rifle, but it was too late. Old Man Willie was too quick on top of him. Willie pinned him down. It was the end of the line for the sheriff. He leaned down to his ear and whispered: "If a bacteria culture grows at a constant relative growth rate, at 300-"*

Matt: No, you were doing so well! Okay, you can not use any numbers.
Jason: Ah.

Jason: *"Let f of x equal the squared root of x squared times-"*
Matt: I said no numbers!
Jason: I didn't use any numbers.
Matt: No math at all! Look, you're trying to tell a story with an image. You want to paint a picture in the mind.
Jason: Oh, okay, yeah. Painting it with the mind, alright. Okay.

Jason: *"Below is a graph of the function of f. What is the inverse graph of the function?*"
Aaron: This is.
Jason: Yeah.
Matt: Okay! That is it! I will show you how it is done!

Matt: *"Not so long ago, in these very woods, there lived an old mountain man."*
Aaron: Oh, I've heard this one, yeah. Four apples.
Matt: No, it's not a math problem. Just listen.

Matt: *"There lived on old mountain man, whose wife was murdered by three cowboys just like us. Well, he spent the rest of his life seeking his revenge and became a master at throwing hatchets. Well, he used that skill to take down many a cowboy. And it's said that he took his prized hatchet and his thirst for cowboy blood to his grave."*

Jason: So if there were three cowboys, and you'd do the square- Ah!
James: No man can survive my hatchet. When thrown at a distance of 5.6 meters, and a force of 13-kilogram meters per second squared, how many cowboys would I kill if I threw my hatchet at 102 meters...
Matt: Mercy!