Ron Stampler

This page contains possibly major spoilers for the events of the podcast. Scroll at your own risk.
Ron Stampler is the group's emotionally detached stepfather slash rogue. He is the step-father of Terry Jr. Stampler and the husband of Samantha Stampler.

He is sucked through a portal together with Henry Oak, Glenn Close and Darryl Wilson, and together they try find their lost sons.

## Ron Stampler

Ron Stampler as portrayed on the Season 1 cover art by Alex Moore.

### Relatives

Carl Stampler (Grandfather)
Stuart "Stud" Stampler (Great-Uncle)
Willy Stampler (Father)
Susan Stampler (Mother)
Samantha Stampler (Wife)
Terry Stampler, Jr. (Step-son)
Scary Marlowe (Granddaughter)

### Affiliation

The Doodlers
Henry Oak-Garcia
Darryl Wilson
Glenn Close

## Appearances

### Debut

Season 1 Episode 1 "A Man and His Handshake"

## Personality

Ron is very loving and giving, although not very socially competent.

## Appearance

Ron has a mustache and little hair. He is 5'4" and weighs 120ish pounds. He has a big dick.

## History

### Initial Landing

The dads and their sons are headed to a soccer tournament. On the way their Honda Odyssey is sucked into a purple portal and they wake up in a strange land without their sons. They are attacked by people in red cloaks, and kill them with the exception of Three, whom they grill for details. They learn that The Lance has sold their children to slavery. They attempt to negotiate with the Lance, and Darryl makes a deal forcing him to eat his son's skin the next time he sees him. Henry steals a list with their son's locations on it. They decide to head towards Neverwinter where Lark and Sparrow are. On the way they encounter a fairy dragon named Gartok who has enslaved his children with Imperator Collars. They rewrite the instructions on the collars with the help of Darryl from the future and use them to force Gartok to be a good dad.

**Initial Landing**

Ron is first introduced trying to make instant oatmeal for his stepson Terry. It is goes poorly as Ron fails to add any water. Terry attempts to convince the other dads to leave without Ron, but fails. As they leave for the tournament Ron is pulled into the Forgotten Realms together with the other dads and their sons.

The dads wake up in the Honda Odyssey without their sons. They recognise they are in an unfamiliar place and call 911 and AAA. As they think about what to do, they are attacked by three people in red cloaks. As the group is being attacked Ron calls Terry Jr. and asks what he should do, to which Terry Jr. answers that Ron might as well die. Ron hangs up, obviously hurt. The dads defeat the red cloaked figures, killing two and having the third one, Three escort them to The Lance who has sold their sons to slavery.

Three takes the dads to The Lance’s house in Phandalin. While the other dads plan to trade Three for information about their sons, Ron looks around and compares The Lance to Clint Eastwood in an attempt to de-escalate. Eventually the other dads attempt to trade information of their sons' locations for Darryl's Nokia with the Snake-game. The Lance is unimpressed, until Ron chimes in saying that snakes are natural predators, and that Dotty the Dachshund, a family member, had to be put down because of a snake bite. It is revealed that The Lance had a dog, One. In the end Henry manages to steal the list of their sons' whereabouts and they leave The Lance's house.

The dads leave The Lance’s house with the list, and consider their options. Darryl has to eat Grant's skin, Glenn thinks Nick'll be fine and Ron believes Terry Jr. is better off without him, so they decide to head to Lark and Sparrow in Neverwinter.

Henry knocks Glenn out with a dad joke and the dads decide to sleep at the Wispy Woods Inn to recover. Ron stays with Glenn while Henry and Darryl go investigate nearby and come back with a bracelet wearing fairy dragon called Gartok. Gartok is trying to find his kids and they are along the way, so the dads agree to help.

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> **Henry:** [yelling] *Ron, this is Gartok. He’s gonna come with us on our journey.*
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> **Gartok:** *I’m Gartok.*
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> **Ron:** *Okay, hey Gartok.*
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> **Glenn:** [Only just waking up] *What the fuck is that!?*
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The dads head to the inn and tell Ron to get them a room. Ron goes over to Sweet Matilda and with Darryl's help manages to convince her that he is a brewer who is here to sell her beer. Eventually they agree on 15 barrels for 8 silver a barrel, with 3 in advance and a room for the night. Ron is very excited about the successful deal and is very emotional about the praise he receives.
[[
The dads share a dream of a figure in a purple cloak, saying something in a booming voice, pointing at them. Ron notes that his dad would wear a purple bathrobe.

The dads escape through the window and head back to the van. They start driving towards Neverwinter. Henry starts to suspect ther might be something off with Gartok's motives, but chooses to be willfully ignorant. Ron is suspicious but says nothing. Eventually they stop by Gartok's children's hideout. Gartok mentions he cannot go inside and he cannot explain, which causes one of the Gartok's bracelets fire up. Ron decides to try and take a bracelet off. This results in the death of one of Gartok's children. Ron puts on the bracelet as recompense, and Gartok attempts to use them to kill Ron.

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> **Ron:** *Wait, I’m a step-father. It is my job to take other people’s children, and then have them be a burden on me. I’m gonna put on the bracelet* [Puts on the bracelet].
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> **Gartok:** [disgusted] *Kill yourself.*
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This doesn't go over well with the other dads. Eventually Glenn intimidates Gartok to behave. Ron thanks Gartok, because wanting to die for a moment has taught him that he does want to live.

The dads leave Gartok in the car and head to the kids hideout. Inside they find the two remaining dragon children. The dragon children reveal that Gartok has been keeping them enslaved, though it is not atypical of dragons. They encountered a man in a purple cloak, who allowed them to pull out of a Deck of Many Things and have Gartok put the bracelets on instead of them.

The dads come to agree that they should stop Gartok, and decide that they will put the bracelets back on Gartok but make them say other things that will force him to be a good dad. They argue about what makes a good dad and what they want to do for their children. Henry brings up values like love and honesty, Darryl brings up the Golden Rule, Glenn brings up allowing your kids to make their own mistakes and Ron brings up wanting Terry Jr. to never have to feel like Ron did at his age. They agree on "Treat your kids like you’d wanna be treated and let your kids make their own decisions, within a certain boundary, until they're dragon adult age and do not buy store brand for toilet paper or mac and cheese.

They are interrupted by a time traveling Darryl from the future, who tells them to change the details of the bracelets before running off.

They put the bracelets on Gartok and take Gartok to the children. Henry blurts out that they killed the dragons' sibling, but Gartok interrupts him, saying that it is his fault for treating his children like commodities.

The dads continue their journey and leave the dragons behind.

### Neverwinter

The dads go to Neverwinter to find Lark and Sparrow. It turns out the city houses the Cult of the Doodler, headed by the Lord of Chaos. The dads want to talk to the Lord of Chaos to find out where Lark and Sparrow are. They meet Sheriff Boreanaz, a major member of the cult, who tells them that if they impress the Lord of Chaos he will allow them to meet him. Also, he wants to summon the Doodler to end and remake the world. The dads get naked to fight some monsters and mortified Lark and Sparrow reveal themselves to be the Lord of Chaos. They imprison the dads. The dads promptly escape. Sparrow escapes to start the mass sacrifice ritual and Henry pursues him and manages to convince him that true strength is to be a love wolf. The other dads fight guards and capture Lark. They free Chekhov's Snake and Everything. Darryl spares Cern but kills his children with the Bag of Beans by dropping a pyramid on the tower.

**Neverwinter**

The dads arrive outside Neverwinter and see a picture of the Doodler as drawn by Lark and Sparrow across the former banner of the city. Glenn suggests they intimidate the guards by honking the horn and dress up in leftover soccer jerseys to convince the guards that they are the emissaries of the Doodler. Ron is small and fits in the jersey easily, though he specifies that this is because it is on his upper body, as if it weren't he would need an XL. They successfully enter Neverwinter and take a short rest.

They wake up surrounded by guards. The guards mention the two previous emissaries, disappeared, seemingly turning into The Lord of Chaos. The guard directs the group to The Lord of Chaos, who is at Ankara the Entertaining's Pit of Myriad Delights. The Pit of Myriad Delights has two pits, one for an orgies and another for fighting monsters.

Sheriff David Boreanaz arrives to interrogate the group. He reveals the Doodler resembles an eldritch god worshipped by a cult he's a part of, and that the prophecy states that when the Lord of Chaos sheds the blood of an unsung hero, the Doodler will be released and remake the world into a better one.

Sheriff Boreanaz suggests proving their worthiness in the fighting pit, which may draw the eye of the Lord of Chaos, who in turn may know where Lark and Sparrow are. The group prepares for combat and Henry suggests getting naked to invoke chaos. Darryl, Glenn, and Henry strip down Ron is wearing several layers of clothing underneath, and only takes off the topmost one, revealing another layer of pants underneath.

Lark and Sparrow drop their cloak and are revealed to be the Lord of Chaos underneath the robes. They scream at Henry andLark requests guards to move the dads to the dungeon. Henry, Darryl and Ron get knocked unconscious. Glenn surrenders and remains conscious, and so sees the group be taken to a tower with an elevator. The twins take elevator up, guards take dads down to prison, still naked.

Ron discovers a discolored brick in his cell with runes sayin “I’m Hungry.” Ron responds, “Hi Hungry, I’m dad.”, and frees all dads with the exception of Henry. Darryl chases Lark and Sparrow after being freed, Glenn fights a guard, Ron hides in his pants. Glenn helps a shapeshifting murderer called Everything escape her cell. Darryl accidentally spares a lizard man.

Darryl pretends to be the "Dad of Chaos," and threatens to crush Lark’s head, which intimidates guards to release Henry. Lark and Sparrow agree to start the ceremony separately. Sparrow heads to the elevator to summon The Doodler without Lark. Henry chases Sparrow.

The other dads work on gathering their strength for escape. They stuff Lark in a cell for the time being. Darryl frees a man-sized snake in a cell through an attempted handshake. Everything joins them in their escape attempt and guides them to the armory, where they retrieve their weapons. Glenn also picks up a nunchaku. Each dad gets an item, Darryl gets Perfume of Bewitching, Ron gets Hat of Vermin, Glenn gets Alchemy Jug. In addition Darryl gets a bag of magic beans that Everything warns are unpredictable. They then proceed upwards towards Henry and Sparrow.

Sheriff Boreanaz commands soldiers to attack Henry and Sparrow. Henry attempts to escape with the elevator but is pursued by Boreanaz and several guards. When the other dads reach them, Darryl drops the Bag of Beans down the elevator shaft, and four beans spill out creating eggs, a geysir of apple juice, pink toads, and a 60x60ft pyramid which begins to crush the tower under its weight. Ron and Darryl start to fall. Ron pulls out sticky frogs out of the hat of vermin and manages to climb down safely. Glenn saves Darryl by reaching out with his nunchaku.

The tower is reduced to rubble. The town starts to erupt into chaos the dads and Lark and Sparrow rushe to the Honda Odyssey. Ron grabs one of the five eggs along the way. The lizard man, Cern, whom Darryl accidentally spared joins the group in the van telling Darryl he owes Darryl a Wookie Life Debt.

Sparrow’s eyes suddenly glow with purple and he is taken over by an ominous voice, calling Henry unworthy as a father. As Lark and Sparrow fade out of existence, Sparrow asks if he did good.

### Battle Axe of Hatred

The dads attempt to find Glenn's son Nick. Nick has joined a gang called Watermice, who the dads help steal the Battle Axe of Hatred from a rival gang called the Redbrands. In retaliation the Redbrands challenge the Watermice to a battle of the bands. Nick and Glenn are supposed to play together and the rest of the dads are meant to sabotage the other band by infiltrating, but instead they give the perfect performance. Nick and Glenn escape to Waterdeep to start a drug empire. They also find Paeden. The dads catch up with them, and Glenn gives a weak apology. Nick is taken by the figures in purple robes.

**Battle Axe of Hatred**

After leaving Neverwinter, the group gathers around a campfire. Henry is miserable about having lost his sons. Darryl points out that since they took Lark and Sparrow because they thought Henry wasn’t taking good enough care of them. Glenn tells Henry that he is cool and shouldn’t care what that guy says. Ron tells Henry that it is worse for them and he is sad too for losing his frogs. Darryl calls a "dad huddle" as an excuse to give Henry a hug. He asks if Cern is a dad. Cern reveals the tragic loss of his children to the pyramid spawned from the Bag of Beans, and mentions that he owes a Wookiee Life Debt to Darryl.

The group, during sleep, returns to the scorched wasteland from their previous shared dream. Another man in a purple robe appears, saying that he has take Lark and Sparrow because Henry is a failure as a father. Purple-robed man predicts the ongoing pattern of taking each saved child. Darryl and Henry keep interrupting him and eventually he zips up their mouths.
Next day the dads notice the Odyssey is low on gas, and head to a nearby village to sort it. Glenn texts Nick.

> **Glenn:** *Hey, bro. Where you at?*
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> **Nick:** *who dis?*
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> **Glenn:** *It’s your dad. We’re lookin’ for yah.*
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> **Nick:** *lol*
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In the village, the group finds a two story pile of books. Next to the books is The Library, who at first glance seems like an old man, but crawls up the pile of books like a spider. He deals in knowledge, so the group must trade information for the books they wish to borrow. Henry claims they are from another realm he calls "Ee'Arth." Glenn attempts to bluff for a book on bard tunes, using lyrics from "Wild Wild West" by Will Smith. Failing the bluff, Glenn reveals a band secret about saving songs for an encore to obtain the book. Library mentions, that if they do not return the books in two weeks, he will kill them and bind books in their skin.
The group finds out that to fill the gas tank they must fill it with mucus and then give the car compliments. Darryl, Henry, and Ron fail to provide them. Glenn succeeds by complimenting the van in Japanese, remarking that it is of Japanese make and model.
Finally, the group continues their journey towards Waterdeep. They come to a bridge on which two thugs demand a toll. Glenn receives a text from Nick saying, "*lol i'm watching u*." Bandits emerge from the trees, with one landing in a blade pose on the van's hood. The bandit on the hood is revealed to be Nick.

The dads decide to present themselves as criminals to Nick's associates. Henry grows concerned about Glenn potentially becoming enslaved in Nick's thieves' guild. Ellory, Nick's boss, approaches the group with a request to steal the Battle Axe of Hatred from a rival gang, the Redbrands. Doing this would lift the curse that would kill Nick upon leaving. The Dads embark on a mission to infiltrate the Redbrands' hideout, devising a plan involving the Hat of Vermin-summoned animals and drug-filled bouquets, planning to smoke out the Redbrands with the more unpleasant effects of the drugs. This fails somewhat, and results in an alarm being raised, leading to battle against the Redbrand guards. During the battle Glenn charms one of the guards, Harrelson Ron, coercing him to bring them the coveted Battle Axe.

As the dads return to the Watermice camp, Redbrands arrive and challenge the Watermice to a "Battle of the Bands."

As they prepare for the Battle of the Bands, everyone takes a short rest in the greenroom tent. Nick would prefer not to have the other dads in his band, and suggests they out what’s going on, or sabotage the other band.

Glenn reveals he left Glenn Close Trio after they asked him to leave. He feels that this is his last chance. Darryl and Henry assure Glenn he is the leader of this band. Glenn asks them to sabotage the other band.

Henry suggests they sneak into the band and ruin them from the inside. Darryl holds up the Perfume of Charm. Glenn suggests they get cloaks.

Henry, Darryl, Glenn and Ron discuss how to get robes. Glenn suggests Cern could start a mosh pit. Henry, Darryl and Ron decide to seduce the band. Ron splashes most of the Perfume of Charm onto his face. Darryl insists Henry take the rest of it, but agrees to take it himself in the end.

Darryl struts to the band. And starts hitting on him. Henry joins him and they manage to seduce the basist.

**Henry:** *Okay. Let's— let's— Let's go to that dark corner over there.*

**Darryl:** *Hey you got two other friends that want maybe come and party for a little bit before you guys play? We need three cloaks. I mean we need—*

**Bassist:** *Wait what?*

**Ron:** *We need three blokes!*

They manage to lure three members of the band backstage. Darryl freaks out and escapes. Ron tries to capture him with a lasso. Fails, and freaks out the bassist. Ron then tries to sexily capture the bassist, but instead starts choking himself. Henry tells the bassist that this is a part of an elaborate courting ritual. The final step of this courting ritual is swapping clothes with the other person .

The bassist is down. He and his friends take off their robes and Ron, Darryl and Henry put on the robes. Henry tells him that now they will watch them perform.

**Bassist:** *What you've just described is extremely humiliating. And because I am a bassist...*

**Bassist:** *You've discovered my kink. So yes we will— we will. We consent to remain tied up while you perform for us.*

Final member of the Redbrand band notes this is the third time his bandmates have ditched him to be kinky.

Darryl plays the drums, decently. Henry plays the lute, poorly. And Ron sings the Silent Night in dual harmony, impossibly, giving an unbeatable performance.

Glenn and Nick watch the performance incredulous. They feel like they cannot win and think the Redbrands may kill everyone, so they steal Odyssey-san and flee.

Scam Likely calls Henry and keeps him on hold to help Nick and Glenn get away and escape to Waterdeep.

Darryl is upset. Ron is considers a career as a world famous musician, either alone or in a band. Henry tells him seriously that he is a real dad, and as a real dad he has to put his children first. Ron tearfully leads the group to start chanting Terry. They manage to concince the Redbrands not to slaughter the Watermice. Instead they go after Glenn and Nick.

The other dads show up to see an Unfortunate Foster Children fight begin. Darryl interrupts the fight, but Nick manages to pin Paeden. The dads are furious at Glenn for betting on child fights and stealing the van. Glenn and Nick lie, saying they were simply trying to win back enough money to buy the kids out of slavery and that Glenn had only escaped with Nick to protect him. The other dads do not believe this. Ron tells the other dads that he knew he was going to be glorious on the stage.

Eventually they come to a shaky truce, agreeing that dads don’t do other dads dirty. After this the booming voice and purple magic take over Nick, berating Glenn for being unable to raise a child. As the voice departs Nick starts to disappear, apologising for not being a good enough son.

### Tower of Terry Arc

The dads discuss what to do next. Glenn texts Nick "You good bro?" and Nick replies with a picture of a hooded figure doing a peace sign. The location data of the picture reveals it was taken in Ravenloft.

The dads decide to head to Roqueporte to save Terry Jr. On their way they go on a side adventure when Hardball Cough Drop asks them to assist her with her BDSM dungeon. The dads successfully satisfy her clients needs with the exception of Glenn. They also encounter a merchant called Shinji, who sells them a Ward Cleaver, a Fanny Pack of Holding and a Cassio Watch.

Ron worries that Terry will leave because of something he did, saying that he doesn't want to make any more mistakes. Cern tells him he probably will, but that is just a part of being a dad. Henry adds,

> **Henry:** *Yeah. You know, we all make mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes have big consequences, like what happened with our mistake, with Lizardboy Scales McStuffins.*
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Upon finding out the Dads were responsible for the death of his children Cern is incensed and leaves the group without looking back.

The dads head to Roqueporte and find what was previously a idyllic country town to be overrun with dark unnatural spiky vines. Though it is daytime it is dark and foggy, and people walk hunched over and there are no children to be seen.

The dads and Paeden head to the tavern to find out more about what is going on in the town. They talk to the bartender, Tim "The Spoolman" Tailor, who is initially reluctant to talk but admits that a boy matching Terry Jr.'s description came through the town about a week ago, together with the man responsible for the corruption of the land.

The dads attempt to raise the spirits in the tavern, with Darryl helping Tim make better beer, Glenn performing an erotic song, and Ron performing stand up comedy mocking the man in the tower.

Tim reveals that a few years back when Roqueport was still an idyllic farming town, a man came and started paying children to build him a tower. Eventually the children stopped coming back. And when they finally did, they came back wrong.

The conversation is interrupted by a vampiric little girl demanding to know who has been making fun of her master. The dads fight her, but upon finding that she is very strong decide to flee instead.

The dads get to the Honda Odyssey and the girl is unable to get in without being invited. Henry contemplates turning water into holy water. Darryl says he is making light of Darryl's faith. Ron suggests he could do a stand up of a Catholic priest. Darryl thinks that is a great ida. It doesn't work.

Ron accidentally invites the Little Girl in, and the dads flee. Eventually they find shelter in the house of the garden witch Erin O'Neil.

In her house they gaze up at the tower and see Terry Jr. standing side by side with none other than Terry Sr.

The dads wave Terry Sr. over. He flies over from his tower. He tells the dads that he is Terry Jr.'s biological father and that they are very happy. The dads demand to see Terry Jr., and he agrees to go get him from the Tower.

While he is gone the dads huddle. Ron notes that he is pretty sure Terry Sr. is supposed to be dead. From this ensues panic, as the dads realise they may be dead. Ron calls his wife Samantha to ask her about Terry Sr. She confirms that Terry Sr. is dead and that she loves Ron very much.

The dads discuss possibilities for how to learn more about vampires, with options like borrowing another book from The Library, checking out Wikipedia, or asking Erin O'Neil, who mentions she isn't really a monster kind of witch or a fighting kind of witch, she just wants to retake Roqueporte for the trees. In the end Ron calls Beth May for advice on vampires. She lists the possible weaknesses of sunlight, stake to the heart, holy water and decapitation.

Terry Sr. brings Terry Jr. over. Terry Jr. is very annoyed that Ron came and wishes he would just leave. Ron holds a heartfelt speech about what Terry Jr. means to him.

**Ron:** *What I want to say to you, Terry... Jr., not Terry Sr., is that when I... see you, I know that you don't need me to be your stepfather, but it's something that I would like to do, because... I love you, and because you're so good without me that I'm very proud of you.*

Terry listens to this, and seems to relent and joins the dads and Erin O'Neil inside the cabin. Then he invites Terry Sr. into the building.

**Terry Jr.:** *And I appreciate that, a lot. But I'm happy now... and you're going to take that away from me... and I won't let you do that. So I mean this, when I say this, from the bottom of my heart: Terry Sr., I invite you into this building.*

The dads engage Terry Sr. in a fight. The dads are all varying degrees of angry, except Glenn who is freaking out about a vampire that is obviously stronger than them. Against all odds, they manage to force Terry Sr.'s head into the Fanny Pack of Holding. They destroy the Fanny Pack, sending Terry Sr. head to the Astral Plane, to suffer beyond the laws of physics.

Terry Jr. is crushed by this.

> **Terry Jr.:** *Dad no, not again! I can't go through this again!*
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> **Ron:** *Who's your daddy now?*
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After the dads defeat Terry Sr., Terry Jr. smashes an orb the ground and turns into mist and flees to the tower.

Ron is angry that Terry Jr. is angry at him and doesn't want him as a father. Erin O'Neil sees her chance to take over the town has finally come, and starts rousing her trees. Darryl thinks she is ridiculous, because trees cannot really be "her children". He strikes a tree with his axe, leading to Erin and the trees starting to attack. The dads flee to the van. Glenn steals one of the books Erin had borrowed from The Library. They grab the Vampire Girl and flee to the tower.

They wake up the girl, who is no longer a vampire spawn. She introduces herself as Clementine Crimadinick, and tells the dads that there are more children at the basement of the tower. The dads find the children and free them. They also find three chests, two of which contain mimics. Ron throws frogs at the chests to discover which chest is a real chest, and the dads find The Belt.

The dads then make their way upwards towards Terry Jr. and discover he is attempting to create a portal to the Astral Plane.

The dads decide to make their way up the Tower. They leave Paeden to take care of the other children. They find a pit smelling of raw meat next to a button. Ron presses the button, resulting in seven clay Rons emerging. They start to fight the dads, but Ron manages to intimidate them back into the vat with the booming voice of Willy Stampler. They then proceed into a room with a large gothic chair and a smaller gaming chair. Darryl sits in the gaming chair, and a needle comes out of it and sucks out the most precious memory he has with his father. It squirts out of the gothic chair as there is no one for the memory to be injected to. Henry finds a button and presses it, which produces magically formed food and a small shelf of 10 books. The row of books is notably missing a book on the astral plane. It also has a book on how to feed on a son's love for his father for sustenance.

The dads proceed, avoid a few traps, Darryl cleans up Terry Sr.'s porn room and Ron calls Beth May for advice on a French speaking door, and with her help and asking Siri they get through and come to a bedroom. The bedroom houses a normal bed and a coffin. Underneath the coffin they find the body of the real Terry Sr.

They finally come to Terry Jr., who is attempting to open a portal to the Astral Plane. Terry demands Ron to leave, but Ron tells him he loves Terry too much to do so. The dads manage to convince Terry that Terry Sr. was a vampire and responsible for kidnapping children and the dark magic of the town, and that the man they killed wasn't the real Terry Sr. Terry Jr. responds that he always knew this.

>  **Terry Junior:** *Oh God damn it, I always knew. I knew he wasn't my dad but I just wanted him to be so, so badly. And I think I still do, I don't know if I care, I think I would still rather have that, than what this is, then all of this.*
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Ron opens up to Terry Jr., telling him that he never knew if his dad loved him, and that he was never proud of him, but that if he had really been Ron's dad he should have been.

> **Ron:** *And so, I think that the people who are related to you, maybe they're your father, maybe they're not, but sometimes your family is just who loves you, and if you think that your family is gone, they're not all gone. I still love you, and I care about you, and I'm sorry that you’re feeling like this, because I've felt like that before, and it fucking sucked...*
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Terry starts sobbing. Ron hugs him. Terry apologizes as the man in purple takes him.

Erin O'Neil appears at the Tower after Terry Jr. has been taken. The dads and Erin almost get into a fight, but eventually manage to resolve things peacefully and Erin agrees not to take over the town.

The dads then debate what to do about Paeden as adventuring is dangerous. Darryl maintains that they should find him a home, while Glenn wants to take him with them. Eventually they decide to find him a home and do, with Walter the Immoral.

They fall asleep and discover that instead of one figure in a purple cloak there are three.

## Relationships

### Terry Jr.

> **Darryl**: *Ron, what would do you trying to do for Terry? What's— what's the most important thing for you, as a dad?*
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> **Ron:** *Uh… Just… Try not to make Terry feel the way I felt when I was Terry's age.*
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### Willy Stampler

> **Ron:**  *And, you know, what I wanted, more than anything, was for him to be proud of me. But he wasn't.*
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### Samantha Stampler

Ron and Samantha have a remarkably healthy and loving relationship. Ron is extremely dedicated to Samantha and loves her very much. Samantha also loves Ron and is very patient when it comes to Ron's trauma.

> **Samantha:** *I was very sad. I met you. It took a lot of time. You helped me smile again. I'm sorry that the relationship with Terry Jr. is not as clean as it could be, but I feel like if you just gave yourself permission to be a good dad, you would be, and it would be fine, and he'd see that.*
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> **Ron:** *Oh, Samantha. I love you so much, and you've given me so much courage to go and find... I mean, to talk to... I mean, to rescue... I mean, to—*
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## Dad Facts

* Ep1: Has never taken a sex ed class.
* Ep2: He has no leg hair. The left is medical, the right is for fun.
* Ep3: He believes a hug is a type of dog.
* Ep4: He kept a collection of his baby teeth.
* Ep5: Knows the lyrics to every single Eminem song.
* Ep6: He is right handed.
* Ep7: Has never played Dungeons and Dragons, but has played Scene It.
* Ep8: Ron thinks every musical has to be about animals, as the only musical he has ever seen is Cats.
* Ep9: Is unsure if dinosaurs are extinct, imaginary, or walk among us.
* Ep10: His middle name is “F.”
* Ep11: He also is very good at mimicking other accents. (Thespian feat)
* Ep12: The reason he doesn’t know the word “sex” is because his wife Samantha always called it “making love.”
* Ep13: He has naturally high cholesterol.
* Ep14: Ron catfished his wife by making a profile on the local humane society as a Schnauzer.
* Ep15: He has attempted the Spicy Taco Wall of Flame challenge at True North Tavern in San Dimas. He failed it due to not liking tacos that much.
* Ep16: Beth is sick so she sounds like Ron indefinitely, and people keep recognizing her. (this is said to be a lie, “nobody recognizes me in real life”)
* Ep17: Ron has never had a cavity
* Ep18: Ron had a tummy ache during the first part of the Fortnite episode, but he was too manly to say anything and it went away
* Ep19: Ron refers to celebrities by their full given names
* Ep20: In the context of Halloween, Ron is scared of everything
* Ep21: Ron's favorite mirror in his house growing up in the attic where Ron always thought he looked absolutely amazing, because etched into the glass itself was the word “Stud”
* Ep22: Ron got sent to the principal's office in fourth grade for plagiarizing a book report on The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.
* Ep23: Ron likes to enjoy thanksgiving dinner in the form of a cold sandwich, like how most people consume leftovers the day after thanksgiving.
* Ep24:Ron has attached earlobes.
* Ep25:Ron’s New Year’s resolution is the same as Samantha’s, which is to be kinder. To do so he just bought a stack of Hallmark cards.
* Ep26: Samantha is the only one to call Ron, “Ronnie.”
* Ep27: Samantha is the only person to call Ron, “Daddy Flapjack Google Doc Dick.”
* Ep28: Ron’s signature looks nothing like his real name and is extremely easy to forge.
* Ep29: Ron’s father, Willy, was a traveling fishing gear salesman. Willy drowned using a fancy lure to catch a huge fish which ended up pulling him overboard.
* Ep30: Ron has been skiing three times and only uses the pizza method because he thinks it’s cooler.
* Ep31: Willy, Ron’s father, is based off of Willy Loman from Death of a Salesman.
* Ep32: Ron dropped a cracker between the seats of the Honda Odyssey and feels guilty for never getting it out before the Odyssey’s untimely demise into another dimension.
* Ep33: Ron was arrested at one of Terry’s soccer games for stealing the corner flags.
* Ep34: Ron didn’t realize that being a mail person was an actual profession.
* Ep35: Ron is a faster, better runner, driver, everything, than Dennis.
* Ep36: Ron did NOT murder his father
* Ep37: No ron fact, Beth fact! Beth would “at some point in her life get a tramp stamp of lady and the tramp and he would be like sexy”
* Ep38: Ron’s favorite class in high school was Shop. Because he thought it was shopping and he would just ditch school and hang out at the mall.
* Ep39: Ron can type 70 words per minute.
* Ep40: Ron had a pet rock as a child
* Ep41: Ron started his path as a businessman in high school selling chocolate, but Willy bought all of them with plans to upsell them.
* Ep42: Ron’s favorite dad fact is the word “dad” is from the mid-16th century, perhaps imitative of a young child's first syllables “dah”
* Ep43: Beth thought of something “really cool and successful” Ron could have done last episode, but she forgets what that is.
* Ep44: Ron thinks he has never seen a “face” card in a deck of cards, because none of the cards have a massive face on them.
* Ep45: Ron believes Samantha has the world's best Owen Wilson impression, but its really just her saying “Wow!”
* Ep46: Ron probably has a warrant out for his arrest from parking tickets. He thinks parking tickets are just tickets that give you permission to park there.
* Ep47: Rons fact this week is a couple notes from his legal pad from last week: “Crack tree through. Greater good. Roots. From Erin. Okay. Good person?”
* Ep48: Ron had a series of laws that were not really laws enforced by Willy, like “its illegal to look in your dad’s briefcase” or “it’s illegal to ask your dad where he’s going”
* Ep49: Ron often makes New Year's resolutions, but he doesn’t usually follow through with them.
* Ep50: Ron has a diary, or as he refers to it, a journal.
* Ep51: Ron does not believe that only children can go to prison.
* Ep52: Ron’s favorite game show is Jeopardy because he relates to the answers being questions
* Ep53: Ron and Samantha never went on an official honeymoon. He thinks they've been on a permanent honeymoon because he likes honey and moon exists
* Ep54: At the end of the last episode Ron simultaneously wanted to say something witty and was also so shocked his jaw flew open and he bit his tongue real hard so he has a lisp for the moment.
* Ep55: Per last episode, when Ron was hiding in the books he found a book called “Meditation to Help When You’re In Pain From Biting Your Tongue, and Then How to Talk Like You Don't Have a Bitten Tongue” so he read that book and now he can talk without a little bit of a tongue lisp. It's still there, but not quite as bad.
* Ep56: (Via Will) Ron is fluent in Spanish. He learned this when he was a kid and stayed at home a lot watching telenovelas. However, Ron thinks Spanish is a fictional language like Elvish that they only speak in telenovelas.
* Ep57: (via Matt) Ron has never farted. This is actually just because he thinks farts are invisible poops. Bonus dad fact, Ron thinks all eggs are just eggs. Its just a surprise that they happen mostly by chickens.
* Ep58: Willy taught Ron the lesson “give a man a fish you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime”. He also never taught Ron how to fish.
* Ep59: When Ron and Samantha got married she asked him to sign an NDA… a new dad agreement-just to make sure that Ron checked off like “I will put Terry’s needs in front of my own) etc.
* Ep60: (Freddie came up with this one) Ron has a porn folder but it’s not his. It belongs to whoever tore it out of the magazine originally”
* Ep61: Ron has a little scar on the top of his head. His mom always told him it was from jumping on the bed but now he’s not sure.
* Ep62: Ron did in fact get the scar on his head from jumping on the bed.
* Ep63: Ron thinks every grain of sand is some long forgotten civilization.
* Ep64: Ron didn’t know what FOMO meant so he came up with new ideas: Fear of Musical Overtures, Facts on Mystery Orbs, First Of My Opportunities, Fist, Oral, Marriage, Orthodontist, Feet. Ow, My Orthotics, and Fucked On My Ottoman.
* Ep65: Samantha asked Ron to get pads exactly once, and he brought her back puppy pads.
* Ep66: Ron is lactose intolerant.
* Ep67: He really respected Glenn’s ability to be chill and to be cool and masculine. Ron respects Glenn as somebody who has an asymmetrical body part - Glenn has a huge arm and Ron has a huge dick.
* Ep68: Ron did not think of himself as a dad until “pretty recently.”
* S2Ep42: He could never be polyamorous, because he only met one girl named Polly and she wasn’t very nice.

## Trivia

* Ron doesn't like beer
* Ron has had at least two dogs in his life. Rogue and Dotty the Dachshund, both of whom he loved very much.