Frogman Richardson

Frogman as hallucinated by Mark in Aunty Donna's Coffee Cafe

"*I'm a Frog.*"
―Frogman
**Frogman Richardson** is a recurring character performed by Zachary Ruane on the Aunty Donna Podcast.

He is a psychic freshwater frog and a member of the Frogman Community. He describes himself as "a combination of a weird man from the suburbs of Melbourne and a frog." He is also an archangel that sits on the right-hand side of Jesus Christ (working for him from Thursday to Tuesday), and can take the form of both a man and a frog with these powers. He turns into a gremlin at midnight.

His name is disputed. Mrs Frog, his wife, has explained that his real name is Sir Mr 'Frogman' Frog, where 'Frogman' is his nickname (despite this nickname being somewhat frogist) and 'Mr' is his first name. However, British Bill has claimed that his first name is James, and Frogman himself has said his surname is Richardson.

### Biology

As an amphibian, he can't create his own heat, so he has to get under a big lamp to warm his tummy. However, under too much heat he will shrivel up and die. He relies on water being nearby to stop him drying out, but can survive out of water for around 45 minutes. He can also survive in saltwater with the help of freshwater tablets. His penis is very small and is in a little pouch, though he is unaware of whether this is normal due to being raised in a Christian society. He has wings which allow him to fly. He cannot talk and can only ribbit, due to his little frog mouth.

### Politics

Being from a very conservative society, Frogman is a misogynist. He opposes inter-species relationships, despite not sticking to this rule himself. He is against sex education and believes googling about sex is a sin. He is, however, a staunch supporter of payment rights. He enjoys politics and political jokes.

### Residence

Frogman moves house frequently, having lived in St Kilda, Carrum Downs and Brisbane, and is wealthy from investing in properties. He is a resident and participant in the Carrum Downs council.

### Food and drink

Frogman's favourite foods are cheese, cane sugar and lean chicken salad. He has been known to eat flies even if they are working with him on documentaries. He used to eat large amounts of La Porchetta, but managed to put those days behind him. He is an alcoholic and it only it takes three drops on his back to get him drunk.

### Free time

On his free time, Frogman tends to spend time with Mrs Frog but occasionally spends time with either Aunty Donna or the Californian all-female rock band The Donnas. His favourite Shakesfrog plays include *Much Ado About Frog*, *Romeo and Frog* and *Macfrog* (a Froggy play). He also enjoys *Tis a Pity She's a Frog* by Mr Frog. He is a big fan of Paul Rudd, and loves the film Moonlight.

## Biography

### Childhood, education and meeting the boys

It is unknown as to whether Frogman started out as a tadpole or a baby, as he cannot remember anything before his seventh birthday; this was when he emigrated from a war-torn country to Australia and was adopted by a lovely frog couple.

Frogman attended the University of Ballarat to study acting in 2008, a couple of years below James Cooley and in the same year as Alastair Smith. He also studied ceramics because he liked to make little bowls to swim in, taught by a monkey named Gustav. He didn't put any pots in the kiln, and because this impacted his grades he made love to Gustav to make up for it. Gustav would later betray Frogman by releasing a video of this on YouTube (content warning). While he was at the university, Frogman encountered some prejudice. (*Podcast EP 1*, *Podcast Ep 123 - conversationswithfrogman*)

He first became a friend of Broden through his frog girlfriend and thus knew him through the frog community. They regularly saw each other at frog ceremonies, the Frog Orthodox Church, and at Returned Servicemen's Frog centres with Frogman's frog grandparents.

### First appearances

The first time the boys met him, he called into the Aunty Donna Podcast from Altona to discuss the public grieving of celebrities. He mentioned that he knew the King of England because they met at a luncheon that he held, fundraising for the Frog Prime Minister's third term. He said his favourite dairy product made in a factory involving curd was cheese, and talked about dancing to the beat of you own drum, suicide, and cane sugar. (*Podcast EP 1*)

Frogman called in a second time in a later podcast to say that he bought a new investment property in Thomastown for $670,000. He was living on a lily pad in St Kilda which cost over one million dollars. It was on the beach and had 2 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, and a carport with 2 spaces. He was single, but revealed that he was the Frog that was facefucked (consensually) by a monkey, Gustav. Bindi Irwin called in and he asked her to marry him, to which she said yes. During a smooch with Bindi, he slipped down her throat and into her belly. (*Podcast EP 5*)

Calling in a third time, he discussed a trip to his swamp around the time Aunty Donna went to Los Angeles. Frogman had seen their show in Brisbane (his hometown), and said his favorite sketch was Mannequins. He hadn't seen many shows because Mrs Frog had terminal cancer and was in remission. Mark said Mrs Frog was a bitch. He revealed that he was scared of pythons and that he lived in a house in Carrum Downs. He claimed that he was a fan of Kermit but not Miss Piggy, disapproving of their relationship because he believed frogs should only date frogs. (*Podcast EP 14 L.A Recap*)

Frogman introduced the thirty-first podcast and pushed the Aunty Donna Patreon, as well as advertising their tour. (*Podcast Ep 31*)

### On tour with Aunty Donna

He appeared again to talk about being on tour with the boys in Brisbane. He'd loved the humid weather and the lake, and had never seen them live before. He'd sat in the river beforehand and watched it on a stool for 45 minutes before he became dry. He'd told a girl who helped him to fuck off because she was being too patronising, but was worried he'd blocked the view of the boy behind him with his big Yankee-style Frogboys cap from a frog convention. The boys lost him at the afterparty because he'd picked up a human woman. He talked about being recognised in public and his lean chicken salad. He said his La Porchetta days were behind him, and shot down Mark's misconception that the Frogman Community only ate flies and crickets. He was in an open relationship with Mrs Frog, and Mark wanted to call her so he could get with her. Despite this, Frogman had to leave for a meeting in Port Melbourne about a frog-based reality show on Channel 7 with guests Corey Worthington and Sarah Marie (who was big in the frog community). He'd been on season 3 of Big Brother accidentally after hopping into the house and failing to get out of the backyard for two weeks. He said he didn't get to Dream World during the tour, and talked about how he dealt with saltwater by using freshwater tablets. He then hopped along. Mark said he hated Frogman, while Zach said he was alright although he'd never met him. (*Podcast Ep 35 - "The 10 Best Things About La Porchetta"*)

He came with Aunty Donna to New York City, and Mitch Lewis asked him about his opinion on wet lilypads; Frogman said he loved them. He said he'd wasted 30 years of his life with Mrs Frog. He flew away to heaven as he did not work well as a character in a live setting, but did not die because he was an archangel. He returned to explain this revelation as well as payment rights and his free time, then left to go to a pond. (*Podcast Ep 60 LIVE IN NYC Feat. MITCH from THE KLOONS*)

He appeared in London for another podcast. British Bill said they were cousins, that Frogman's name was James, and that they first met at Tooting Bec station. It was Frogman's first time in London, and he'd loved moistening himself in the Thames. He'd gone to see Aunty Donna's show in Leicester Square, and also paid £50 at a handjob place there. He didn't go to the Globe Theatre but did go to the Lilypad Theatre to see the works of Shakesfrog. He made political jokes about King Frog and the Frog Prime Minister and revealed his surname to be Richardson, then introduced himself to Manbeast who promptly threw him. (*Podcast Ep 61 LIVE FROM SOHO THEATRE LONDON*)

### *Ready Steady Cook*

Frogman disguised himself as Manu Feildel to infiltrate *Ready Steady Cook* as a contestant. While disguised, he denied that Manu did 9/11 and said that he was no longer the chief counsel to Donald Trump as a result of the accusation, but later denied this also. He said Manu could run a marathon and to never trust a fat chef. He claimed Manu had met Jamie Oliver, Gordon Ramsay and Fergus Henderson as well as Heston Blumenthal (who he said shaved to cover the fact he was balding). He told them Manu met Trump on the set of the show as a contestant. Frogman then revealed himself. The Toilet Attendant gave him a little moist towel and he tipped the attendant a dollar, then met Mr Bull in the toilets. (*Podcast Ep 62 LIVE FROM SOHO THEATRE LONDON*)

### Advertising The Album

He appeared again to talk about The Album, and met Ben Mendelsohn. He'd gone to one of the recording sessions and enjoyed Professor Whiskers. He had also enjoyed Ben's TV show Love My Way but suggested they add more frogs. He said he loved the Muppets movies and connected with Kermit despite the character being played by a human, as well as his relations with pigs. He had starred in a new fly-on-the-wall documentary called *I'm A Frog* that was made by flies. This caused production complications because he kept eating them, including seven director flies. He talked about his childhood, Leonard Frog's Hallelufrog and World War Frog. He also claimed he had trained as a vet, which is very similar to a doctor for frogs. He said he had treated a lot of frogs with depression as well as old frogs who had lost their knees. He asked for a physical CD of The Album as he didn't have internet at the swamp, in an effort to plug physical sales of the album. (*Podcast Ep 90 -Aunty Donna The Album Review*)

### Robbing a La Porchetta

British Bill, Louis Theroux and a host of other characters approached him to recruit him to rob Carlton North La Porchetta. He said he came to Australia in 1976 to build his house, and that he trusted Louis. Louis called him a cunt. He met Owen Wilson and asked him what it was like filming Marley & Me, as well as whether he'd do Frog & Me. The plan to rob the establishment with the 239 other characters never went through, as they had such a good time eating pizza. (*Podcast Ep 107 - Oceans 14 Part 2 Feat BEN RUSSELL*)

### Applying for CEO

Broden, Judas and Mark interviewed Frogman for the role of Aunty Donna CEO. His CV was written on a damp lilypad and he claimed to be a human named CEO Steve so they wouldn't discriminate against him. He later admitted that he was a frog but said he was called CEO Steve Frog. He said his last job was sitting in a pond, and falsely claimed he was CEO of the pond company. When asked about his leadership skills, he lied that he had to let go of 40% of the workforce (20,000 people). He said he was the father of some tadpoles named Gooey and Ooey. He then revealed his true identity, saying he had never run the pond and only let about 45 people go. He just wanted to hang out with his friends but said he couldn't because they were always in dry, cold places. He gave Broden a present of little frog eggs for him to raise, and flew away. (*Podcast Ep 113 - The Search For A CEO*)

### *Conversations with Frogman*

He hosted an SBS talk show alongside Judas, live from Stokers pancake restaurant. He said that what wakes him up in the morning is a nice pond and talking with friends. His guests were Ben Mendelsohn and Platypus Pill. He revealed that he could not talk to cops due to his little frog mouth, but went on to tell a story about talking to the cops. When Mendelsohn tried to reenact a scene from a film about Moses, he got very scared because the setting was too dry. Many of his guests left after Judas ordered some silver, and he asked his audience to ask SBS for another season of his show. (*Podcast Ep 123 - conversationswithfrogman*)

### Aunty Donna World Cup

Frogman won the Aunty Donna World Cup, after being pitted against Cowdoy in the final bracket. (*Podcast Ep 124 - Aunty Donna World Cup*)

### Knighthood

Frogman was knighted by the King Frog, making him 'Sir Mr Frog'. This was explained by his wife Mrs Frog on the podcast. (*Podcast Ep 129 - Chris's Email Suggestion Part 2 (Stop Listening At The 45 Minute Mark)*)

### Ted Bundy controversy

The release of *Conversations with a Killer: The Ted Bundy Tapes* on Netflix uncovered an audio clip of Ted Bundy claiming he was "a champeen frog catcher" and a "Frogman". As his solicitor Sir Frogboy came to his defense on the podcast, and said that this had impacted the Frogman community for thirty years. Unfotunately, this backfired as it made the boys believe Frogman was a serial killer even more. (Podcast Ep 140 - The Frogman Tapes)

### Hitchhiking

Frogman hitchhiked in Borden, Mark and Zach's Car while they were on a roadtrip to Broden and Borden's marriage. This was the first time Frogman had ever met Zach, though he stayed quiet while he drove the car. They talked about Frogman fanart, and a comedy show he was going to do for 10,000 Frogs. He took issue with the current exchange rate of Flies to USD, saying that even the richest frogs would struggle with a $20 ticket. He then bailed from the car as they picked up Tim Naughty Biscuits. (*Patreon Poddy $10 + $15 EP 23*)

### Rap career

He was introduced by Scottish South African Sam for a special rap episode of the podcast. He rapped about dancing and making the ladies go woo. Broden said Frogman loved fucking the other frogs and climbing on walls, while Mark said Frogman's favourite Krispy Kreme was original glaze, and that he loved to smoke and perform auto-fellatio. (*Podcast Ep 173 - 30 Minutes Of Straight Fire (Stick With It)*)

### Post-COVID

After the pandemic, Frogman seemed to appear less often on the podcast, possibly due to lockdown.

He called Mark to wish the boys a happy 200 podcast episodes, but promptly hung up. (*Podcast Ep 200 - Episode 200!!!!*)

Frogman appeared in the introduction to the podcast to promote the new series Hug The Sun. (*Podcast Ep 253 - Goofy Town (A Piss Story)*)

### Aunty Donna's Coffee Cafe

Mark hallucinated Frogman when the cafe was staying open until 5pm. He said he was from Cragieburn and told Mark he thought he should kill Zach, who immediately obliged, making Zach a hand grenade sandwich, and a bleach sandwich. Frogman thought this was 'sick'. (*We're Open Til 5pm Today)*

### **Alternate universe**

Frogman appeared to the boys within an alternate universe, when Broden accidentally created a multiverse from the Time-Outs. This version of Frogman not only sounded different, but rather than living in Cragieburn, he lived in a 1-bedroom apartment within the Melbourne CBD.

## Appearances

* Podcast EP 1
* Podcast EP 5
* Podcast EP 14 L.A Recap
* Podcast Ep 31
* Podcast Ep 35 - "The 10 Best Things About La Porchetta"
* Podcast Ep 60 LIVE IN NYC Feat. MITCH from THE KLOONS
* Podcast Ep 61 LIVE FROM SOHO THEATRE LONDON
* Podcast Ep 62 LIVE FROM SOHO THEATRE LONDON
* Podcast Ep 90 -Aunty Donna The Album Review
* Podcast Ep 107 - Oceans 14 Part 2 Feat BEN RUSSELL
* Podcast Ep 113 - The Search For A CEO
* Podcast Ep 123 - conversationswithfrogman
* Patreon Poddy $10 + $15 EP 23
* Podcast Ep 173 - 30 Minutes Of Straight Fire (Stick With It)
* Podcast Ep 200 - Episode 200!!!!
* Podcast Ep 253 - Goofy Town (A Piss Story)
* We're Open Til 5pm Today
* A Couple of Naughty Kittens: Time-out Part 1