The Oregon Trail

The Oregon Trail is full of peril.

This old cyber game takes a lifelike turn as members of Studio C become characters of the Oregon Trail. See if all of them can make it to Oregon and win the game.

## Plot

The sketch opens with the title screen for 'The Oregonian Trail', before showing a family from the 1800s comprised of fictionalized versions of Jason Gray, Whitney Call, Matt Meese, and Mallory Everton walking down the Oregon Trail. At some point, a text box appears, telling the group that one of their wagon's wheels is broken, and they can't move until it's fixed. Jason reassured the others that he can fix it, since he's a carpenter, and as he fixes it, Whitney expresses her gratitiude for her husband choosing a useful profession.

Once the family is back on the move, a text box tells the group that Mal (referred to in the sketch as 'Mallory') made a trade for some buffalo hide blankets, which Jason thanks her for. A text box then shows that Matt caught typhoid fever for the third time during the 12 days they were out there. Whitney assures her son that he'll be okay, while Mal puts a blanket on him. The group is then informed that Mal went hunting and got 2400 pounds of food, but could only carry 50 back to the wagon, prompting Jason to tell her that there's a bunch of wasted meat (slightly offending a Native American man played by Adam Berg). Matt is then revealed to have contracted dysentery, which frustrates him, as he hasn't contracted from his typhoid fever yet. Matt complains that he's had bad things happen to him ever since they left Missouri, before painting out that they have passed the same tree multiple times (the tree is shown to be carried by Jeremy Warner, who leaves). The others assure Matt that it isn't worse than several other mistfortunes that he suffered.

Matt is then non-fatally attacked by a bear, and another text box describes this. When Whitney gives him some water, a text box says that the water was poisoned and liquified Matt's organs. As more text boxes mention, Matt is then shot by another native (James Perry), who drops a rattlesnake that bites Matt, then pokes his eyes with his fingers, blinding him, before leaving. Matt wants to be left behind after all this, but the others refuse to do it, before the game finally decides to go easy on the man, and a text box tells him that he's been cured. Once that is all over, the family starts walking off again, but once they're offscreen, a text box says that Matt tripped and fell off a cliff. The sketch ends with the box saying 'GAME OVER'.

## Transcript

***PRESS ENTER TO PLAY***

Jason: Well, how long do you reckon we've been on the trail, Mallory?
Mallory: About twelve days, by my reckoning, pa.
Jason: Well, high cornbread. We're making good time.

***A wheel on your wagon broke. Your wagon can't move until it's fixed.***

Cast: Aww…
Jason: Now, don't you worry, y'all. I'm a carpenter, I'll have this here wagon fixed in no time.
Whitney: I'm sure glad you chose a useful profession, Jason. I don't know what we would have done if you were a banker, or heaven forbid, an accountant!
Jason: All fixed up. Let's roll out!

***Mallory makes a trade for some buffalo hide blankets.***

Jason: Well done Mallory, you're a real asset to our family!
Mallory: Look, here comes another one!

***Matt gets typhoid fever.***

Matt: Oh, sweet mercy! That's the third time! We've only been out here for twelve days!
Whitney: Now don't worry, son, we'll get you through this!

***Mallory goes hunting and shoots 4 buffalo. You got 2400 pounds of food, but you can only carry back 50.***

Jason: Congratulations, Mallory. And don't you worry about all that wasted meat. Why, there's a million of those things!
Whitney: Look, here's comes another one! Maybe you've recovered, Matt.

***Matt contracts dysentery.***

Matt: Ah, you have to be kidding me! I haven't even recovered from my third bout of typhoid!
Jason: Don't worry, son, you'll live to see the Willamette Valley yet.
Matt: But don't you see what's going on here? The Oregon Trail is out to get me. Ever since we left Missouri, I've had one misfortune after another, and I swear that is the same tree we have passed five times.
Mallory: Look on the bright side, Matt, this can't possibly be worse than that time you were crushed by that falling boulder.
Whitney: Or that time you nearly drowned in the Kansas river.
Jason: Or when that stampede got loose and trampled you for hours? And hours? And days?
Mallory: Look, here comes another one. I bet this time is good news.

***Matt gets mauled by a bear. And lives. Barely.***

Jason: Get on outta here, bear. Git! Now don't let that bear get you down, son. He could have chose to maul any of us. He just chose you, because you're the weakest and most vulnerable.
Whitney: Yeah, that's right.
Matt: Water.
Mallory: Quick, get him some water!
Whitney: Oh, here you go, son!

***Water is poisoned, Matt's organs are liquified.***

Matt: Oh, please! You will rue the day you messed with me, Oregon Trail!

***Matt is shot by a passing war party. Bitten by a rattlesnake. And goes blind.***

Matt: Why?!
Whitney: Oh, dear.
Matt: That's it; just go on without me!
Whitney: Never! We won't leave you behind!
Matt: No really, you'd be doing me a favor.
Mallory: Things will get better, you'll see!

***Matt gets better.***

Jason: All is well! Willamette Valley, here we come!
Whitney: Yee-haw!

***Matt trips and falls off a cliff.***

***GAME OVER***

## Trivia

* This sketch is based on the 1971 video game *The Oregon Trail*, which was remade in 2011.
	+ The game is called *The Oregonian Trail* in this sketch.
* Stephen Meek is credited to appear in this sketch, but he does not.
* This sketch was uploaded on the same day as the episode aired on BYUtv.
* This is only the second sketch to be filmed in front of a greenscreen, after What the France?!.
* This is also the first sketch to include video game visuals, but the second sketch to include a computer screen, after Bashful E-mail.
* This is the fourth sketch in a row to be written by Matt Meese, after Celebirthsary, P90X and Facebook Philanthropist.
* This is the tenth sketch featuring Mallory Everton.
* This is the first time a character is fully costumed.
* This is the only sketch from Season 1 Episode 2 in which Adam Berg plays a part.
	+ Although he appears, he doesn't speak in this sketch.