DPDA Case No. 13

Tim Crescent

Fred Wentsworth

Benjamin Sellars

The 13th case of the DPDA took place on the 15th of October, 1992 at SEA LIFE, Brighton. It is the first case to contain Racial Ghoul. The following case report is written by Cecil Longstaff.

## Case File

It was a cold and dreary Monday night...I was in my lovely flat in Peckham, with Denzel. We were just watching Batman (1966), and all of a sudden, the heart shaped phone rings. Shit, we thought. What if it's the debt collector? Denzel put on his scared attire: one of those hats which pull down right over your ears, some fit black ripped jeans and a really scruffy grey jumper...Shit...

We picked up the phone...''Hello'' whispered Denzel in a seductive tone. It wasn't the debt collectors at all, it was SEA LIFE, Brighton. I was still shitting my pants, because I thought they discovered I fed a chocolate to one of their turtles last year, but fortunately they didn't find out. They said that a local criminal was threatening to steal the dolphins. Denzel was so devastated, you should have seen him. He was crying, kicking the air, biting the DVDs next to the window. I smiled peacefully at him and gave him a bottle of rum and some pills. He smiled peacefully back at me, and we made our way to the DPDA office in Camden Town, where we called a meeting. Only Tim and Benjamin came, Bernard was busy training with one of his senseis, and Cashmere was on a holiday in Hull. I gave the brief to Tim (who grew an afro) and Benjamin. Tim's hands turned red with rage. He began drooling, looking like a deranged dog...It were SCARY. I patted him on his afro, and he calmed down. We ran to the Pepper-Mobile, and began making our way to Brighton.

On our way to Brighton, we stopped at a Tesco to buy some rum, as well as some chocolate I could feed to the turtles. But at Tesco, we was stopped by these greaser bozos. They were telling us that they could have us all on...Tim was not having that. He spat at their shitty faces and poked their beady eyes. They fell to the floor in pain, and Tim kicked them both with one spin kick. We were permanently banned from that Tesco and held for a few minutes for Security questioning. Tim flashed his machette and DPDA ID card, which made them pesky security guards back off.

First we stopped at SEA LIFE. We barged through the staff and into the staff room. We informed the manager of the SEA LIFE that we were to give a speech to all the staff. We began setting up the monitors and the microphone. Denzel had a chat with the manager and questioned him whether anyone had any possible reasons to threaten to steal the Dolphins. Two answers were given, one was that it might just be local hooligans trying to scare SEA LIFE...Bullshit, I reckon. But the second one made more sense to us; A young man named Bobby Murphy had recently been fired. Previously, he had a criminal record of petty theft, with one arrest. Bingo, we thought. Denzel went for a swim in one of the tanks at SEA LIFE. We started walking to the Pepper-Mobile, to go confront this Murphy cunt. But one of the workers stopped us, his name? Graciano Berenice. He says to us that it can't be this Murphy geezer, because he moved to Canada after he was fired and cut off all communication with people in the UK...Shit. This is more difficult than we thought. Denzel came out of the tank, dressed in an illustrious WW2 Aviator jacket and chocolate brown cords. He began giving a grand speech to the staff of SEA LIFE. The staff were clearly overwhelmed and we got glassy eyed. It is clear everyone knew that Denzel Pepper would save the day. We decided to stop work for the day and go to rest, because we were absolutely knackered.

We arrived at Brighton town centre, when we realised we didn't have nowhere to go. But then we remembered that Mr. Fred Wentsworth from Denzel's work was staying with his with his brother, Dequavis in West Brighton. Denzel called up Fred and asked if we could stay there. Fred accepted. We had a mad time. I drank 9 pints of rum, stripped naked, had a little dance, and then I went to sleep. Denzel and Tim went on a walk to a chippy. When they came back, they were breathless...They were swearing, shitting, shouting. They said that they overheard some people talking about a local museum robber named Racial Ghoul, and the people were saying they suspect he's behind the threat...Shit. We had to find out who this Racial Ghoul was.

We started running around Brighton asking if anyone had seen Racial Ghoul, and this group of 11 year olds said they saw him robbing a local museum last week. They said he had BIG eyes, and BIG teeth, and a sleazy smile which displayed his rotten teeth - one of which being silver. His hands were small and crooked, and his legs were shit. He wore a great big dark green suit with a black tie and a black shirt. His hair was black and slicked back. Just like a greaser, and he bore a little pencil moustache. We HAD to find him.

Our only choice was to perform a stake-out outside of the SEA LIFE for 3 consecutive nights. Tim set up his gattling gun behind some bushes, and released a vile of holy water around the Pepper-Mobile, to drive the supernatural spirits away.

## Gallery

Denzel in the warehouse at SEA LIFEDenzel, Tim and Fred in Dequavis' flat