Episode 45 - One Wild Life: Body (Part 5)

[transcript automatically generated - cleanup in progress]

and then there is universe uh i would i would subtitle it quantum intersectionality it's like we are defined by our labels only if you have infinite labels yeah exactly [Music] so getting we're nearing death here at the end of the record and this person this one life i kind of liked the eventual that it became kind of a transcendent being [Laughter] an enlightened person comfortable in his body but but then eventually kind of transcends that body and sees the eyeness of me awareness of me is connected to something that's greater than just this one perspective and this one body but it kind of comes to terms with i am an expression of god i am the universe on some level i am the universe expressing itself i am god expressing herself in skin teeth and oxygen and hidden dream in life we wanted to from the beginning of the record kind of foreshadow and so this person has you know especially like in an old failing body people that have faced terminal illness people that have uh when they start coming to the limitations of their physical body often find ways of transcending all of that and and maybe this is my five enneagramness imagining that that a really mature enlightened person is like super detached from their body i am in death i am in life the actual placement of the self has shifted at this point um to something broader and wider and bigger and we're also moving back to seoul we're also moving back to these concepts of essence and like every record as was meant at the end to start moving towards the other records it wasn't ever meant to be like three distinct realities this is all just one thing which is what the circle was about for the for the artwork it was like this is all one thing you can see these colors within the circle but they all bleed into each other and it's all just one hole you can't make any hard lines here and so we're moving back towards soul we're moving into death and kind of beginning to to leave the body you know i did the first time i did the float i was terrified of doing it but i finally did it for anyone who doesn't know what that is it's a sensory deprivation chamber and you float in this water that's uh has a lot of salt in it so so you don't sink you just your body stays buoyant but it's pitch black and there's first there's music and it kind of fades out and all the lights go off and uh at first i was totally terrified to do it but then i think after about a half an hour i i've i've never done psychedelics but i can from what people have told me it felt like i was on drugs and it got to the point like i was like touching my arms and going what is this thing like i was i had so like disassociated from my body i felt like the universe because it's black and so like even with your eyes wide open i didn't know are my eyes open are they shut what's happening and i so i felt like i my soul and spirit and body was like one with the all and i was within and was the universe with all things and that was really weird [Laughter] it was super super strange and once i got out i remember looking at myself in the mirror and thinking like i've always just solely associated myself with my body this is me and i just didn't i don't feel that way anymore i mean it has worn off a little bit but i remember like stepping outside of that looking at myself and thinking how odd it was that i have so only associated myself with this one body and spent so much time thinking about like myself it was pretty profound that was such a part of spirituality that well in a time when i viewed spirituality as a bad word that i disregarded uh but today those moments where through afloat or through meditation or through whatever means you kind of come to the end of yourself um are probably the things i value the most yeah the difference between me the observer and the universe really gets fuzzy yeah yeah it does it really does [Music] i live within endless ocean tidal waves blood coursing to my veins the galaxy of life in me my mind is a universe in constellations of color speech and adrenaline insects and in [Music] i am in death [Music] [Applause] [Music] this one [Music] is i am i am [Music] [Music] i am [Music] so uh so the great homesickness borrows words from a real capone and um the first time i had heard these words it's like when you someone has written something that you've always wanted to say but never been able to quite put the words to it this deep ache um and if for me it was at a time where i didn't quite know what to call god and saying the great homesickness oh just oh man i get teary every time i like i feel it this deep ache within me and the the great homesickness you can never shake off oh like that did something in the core of my heart the first time i heard that because it was something i felt like i was trying to shake off like this thing that i didn't need really need anymore these these practices that i didn't need and then when i when i read that it was kind of it's kind of like that moment where you see your life flash before your eyes like all these memories were just like rushed uh into my mind and i felt at home like i felt at home when i read that poem this was one of the things that like clicked into place towards the end of the process it was like oh this was what was supposed to happen it was a symmetry not only to the record because we had and that was actually part of why i added that second song uh step into the light as well kind of there's a symmetry to the album through this one album but then this also created a symmetry to the trilogy where it started with this line of rock thing and that had this rilke thing in it and as we'll see in the end they're both alluded to so it's kind of a mirror and like even you said you've noticed that through even in the second half of this record it started to kind of mirror the first half a little bit but from a different perspective and this kind of really completes that mirror and symmetry to the record to me um and to where where we started with seoul and even the idea the force that always surrounded us it's the same idea as walking with our eyes closed like we were always going towards this thing i remember feeling like i had been tricked like you weren't who i who i thought you were and that was really heartbreaking because when you grow up feeling like like you mike you know you feel like your god is god is your best friend and then you feel tricked by that it was really wrecking me and then coming to this place of realization of i was seeing through all these different lenses and the idea that god is always pulling you to herself himself i remember the moment i felt that you're the forest that always surrounded me was so healing for my soul so where i really started to notice the symmetry is when you got to the end i mean obviously there's a very strong lyrical call out but then that that turned into a very strong sonic call-outs although this time with brass but i had a very profound experience listening to that song it really it took me to that place of of your final moments [Music] and embodied them and the the way that our breath is this anchor [Music] that both liberates us and holds us as separate from the source of all [Music] i don't know it still takes me i mean i've you have to listen to something a bunch of times when you make it uh i've heard it a lot but it's still kind of i start losing myself in it when i hear it leaving the body that's kind of the thing right or dying and then of course there's the uh the final symmetry of the outro fading to the intro which is a reverse so the the music swells and then it's the intro to soul that happens in reverse and we're coming back out of of our perceived place in the circle back out of what we think existence is and then going back to the all and that's where it started and we come to death what is it like like birth we all experience it yet it is shrouded in mystery some have been on the edge of it felt death's hand upon their hand pulling into the unknown voice calling beckoning them to the other side that is what those close to it claim to see light or darkness some see their mother some see a grandfather without stretched arms and some see a child gone before them some see god some see nothing at all some struggle for the last breath a labor like the pains of birth like a baby grasping for its first breath some grasp and fight for their last then some exhale gently last breath soft and peaceful as they walk with death into the great unknown as we stand on the precipice looking back on the life we wove what we gave what we took let us see the grace in it all [Music] the swirls of the world oh the infinite mystery i saw fighting the suffering while seeing the gift is a yes to it all somehow i know that my heart will keep breaking but may it stay open and soft till i am finally back to the source [Music] me [Music] [Applause] [Music] take one more breath just take a breath and be here close to death and [Music] one [Music] [Music] [Music] you're counting down it's open your eyes open your eyes and see us now the ones you loved the ones forgotten can you feel us near somehow you'll be here soon [Music] it's all we have now close your eyes just take a breath and be here now [Music] the time has come your body must return to all that is i hope you lived i hope you lived a life of love and risk now welcome home [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] so [Music] so it's normal at so many different points in our life to feel like something is getting in the way of being present or happy something stopping us from achieving the goals that we have for ourselves or feeling connected to the people that we love better help will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist to help you work on all those things you can connect with someone in a safe and private online environment for that reason it's so convenient you don't even have to leave the house and you can start working with someone in under 24 hours when working with someone through better help you can send a message to your counselor at any time and get a timely and thoughtful response plus you can schedule weekly video and phone sessions better help has licensed professional counselors who are specialized in treating things like depression anxiety navigating family conflicts and so much more they're committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches so they make it easy and free to change counselors if needed anything you share with your counselor is confidential so many people have been using better help that they're recruiting additional counselors in all 50 states start living a happier life today as a listener you get 10 off your first month by visiting betterhelp.com liturgists join over 1 million people taking care of their mental health again it's better help help liturgists it's two hours and 38 minutes that's all you need if you're listening out there you owe it to yourself to set aside two hours 38 minutes literally anywhere music is sold you can you can get a hold of all three of these records and experience the entire movement across uh 38 tracks and um you know we music tends to either be um innovative at the cost of listenability or very listenable and shallow and the the just the array of sounds that you get in this the combination of like things that make you want to dance things that make you want to lie down because you have vertigo um there's just no one else makes music like this oh thank you wow thank you wow and if you've been drawn to the kind of things we talk about on the liturgist podcast this is the music you would like this is the the the record you don't know you need until you have it don't just take my word from it that this is important work go go test it for yourself if you have a streaming music subscription and don't care for artists that's a great way to go check out the right i wondered about yours [Laughter] and if you if you uh if you appreciate good art you know somewhere you actually pay for records not only is body worth it but supplementing it with soul and spirit is in my opinion the only way to experience this i don't actually intend to ever listen to one of these records in isolation again this is truly a trilogy for me wow thank you wow it's a weird thing like to uh partner with the liturgists but then also be fan of just be a fan of gunger like everyone else [Laughter] that's really funny well advice vice versa yeah i'm kidding but this music is also so directly influenced by you and our conversations and the things that we do on the liturgists and the people that we've met and the experiences we've had has directly gone into becoming music and this is that music absolutely i mean it felt like we met you at the like the time we really needed it and and i never want to i'm a person i never want to put like too much like weight or clout in like this person or this one thing um but that's also my purpleness coming out i believe that was like purposeful it was meant to be it was purpose and it profoundly changed our lives and i don't i mean there were times michael and i a lot of the things that he's experienced with you has really been wonderful for us in our marriage things we couldn't really talk about or the sex tips that you give you know all those sex tips you gave him i am so thankful to you it's changed my life i mean at the risk of going serious again um that's obviously true for me as well but what is interesting to me is the way it was both life-giving and not enough and so we started to do this work together this liturgist thing that has we did basically out of loneliness mutual loneliness and then we've we've come and found this community it's not an audience it's a community i really experienced in denver what it's like to be among the liturgists and so what i would say to you all you liturgists out there is the way we have talked with you and you have talked with us not only shows up in this podcast but i see it in this record and oh totally you will see yourself and the things you've talked to us about and sent us in this project it is is a reflection of who you are as a community and its people and several of the people listening to this are the people that actually made it possible we had to see that we did this based on the season pass thing that we did yeah where people kind of allowed us to stay home and not tour for the year to make this music by buying the trilogy up front and we sent it to him early and all that but it's been the conversations it's been the people we've met it's been the people literally paying for the record to happen this feels like a thing that was the product of a community more than just this is not just lisa knight yeah this literally would not have happened it was just lisa knight it is the result of what's been happening among all of us and it's been a pleasure to be a part of and we'll save her these memories it just kind of hit me how at the beginning of this was the most separate i've ever felt almost like cast out at the beginning of this albums was the most rejected i've ever felt in my entire life i felt like we started making this alone yeah in this space that we were so hurt and sad and depressed and desperate in making a choice within ourselves to keep moving forward and now like we're saying these are the most profound sense of belonging we've ever had that's amazing yeah oh wow i'm getting all teary you can learn more about the record if this podcast hasn't been enough by going to gungermusic.com uh if you loved it go rate it on itunes if you haven't bought it yet what are you doing you should have bought it an hour into this podcast at the latest so uh don't get left behind go go buy the record if you don't have it if you loved it tweet at gunger music and let them know and if you didn't like it go see a therapist and you'll be okay okay well thanks for listening everybody i'm science mike i'm lisa gunger i'm michael gunger much love [Music] you