Net Neutrality

"*No, I mean it! I'm fucking sick of net neutrality.*"
―Erik
Net Neutrality is the 77th lesson of Internet Comment Etiquette. It was released on November 20, 2017.

## Summary

Erik says that he is adamantly opposed to net neutrality and explains what it is. He thinks that people should have to pay more money to use their websites, and he wants to use this privilege to send pictures of him eating popsicles to Ajit Pai.

Erik tries to watch a video about net neutrality, but he finds a robot-voice video. Since this is all poor people will be able to afford without net neutrality, he leaves them a comment. The gamers are also upset about losing net neutrality so he checks to see if friendly fire is on, and watches a video about it.

To hear what the opposing side has to say, he tries to find arguments in favor of net neutrality from respected journalists. All he can find is The Young Turks so he watches their video instead. He finds a bunch of people in the comments posting death threats, so he warns them that this could cause their internet prices to go up after net neutrality goes away.

Then Erik watches a Glenn Beck video opposing net neutrality where Mark Cuban confuses internet traffic with television broadcasts. The comments are all mean, so Erik points out that the pro net neutrality crowd aren't as tolerant as they claim to be. Then he leaves a comment making fun of them for being poor.

Next, Erik watches a video of FCC chairman Ajit Pai explaining his thoughts on net neutrality and also sends him another picture of Erik eating a popsicle. The comments are disabled, so he just sends another popsicle pic. Then he goes to the FCC website to express his opposition to net neutrality. He posts ASCII art of himself eating a popsicle while posting as a dead guy. But then he finds a tech blog warning about dead people posting in opposition to net neutrality. Then he replies to a comment upset with Comcast.

Erik concludes that the best way to get rid of net neutrality is to do absolutely nothing. He also reminds his students that without net neutrality, no one will even bother to make Bill Cosby parody videos and the internet will largely be rid of user created content. Then he sends Pai another popsicle pic.

## Comments

*@AjitPaiFCC Hey bro I'm coming off of years of tweeting to Ted Cruz so I'm really trying not to make fun of how you look or act so why don't you just charge me $2.99 an insult and we can both get our nut off here*
- @commentiquette

*YO THE DOCTA IS IN, Docta Moneystacks that is! I just got off the phone with Netflix and they're gonna sell me a subscription package that lets me creep my dick into the frame from the bottom corner while you're trying to watch a movie, and you have to click on it to make it go away. This is a truly lucrative deal for the both of us, but if we're being honest I hate showing my dick to strangers online but I also believe in an open and free internet. That's what is most important here is that we keep the internet open and free, and that I'm allowed to pay extra money to have the tip of my two-guy visible in the corner of the screen while you're trying to watch "Magic's Biggest Secrets Finally Revealed” hosted by Mitch Pileggi. Also by the way if you're trying to play season 2 of The Walking Dead after next month it's just gonna be a video of me giving birth to a stuffed cat.*
- Erik

*Hey nobody wants a free and open internet more than me but let’s be honest, poor people are ruining it for everyone else. If we can just corral all the poor people into one tiny little slum of barebones websites, it’ll be easier for us actual contributing folk to feel safe letting our kids run around at lightning fast speeds. Also with all the money we pay into the system, we can make sure the lower income sections are more heavily policed with fines and bandwidth meters, so either way they’ll be spending like a middle class household in no time! Once they go into debt and can't pay their internet bill, we nab them for illegally downloading TV shows and then cut their service, leaving them virtually homeless and no longer our problem except for the debt that they'll have levied from their paychecks.**Oh shit wait, this was a youtube comment? Man that whole time I thought I was on the phone with my lawyer. Great now I gotta pay this youtube channel to disable their comment section. All of you can eat a cat out my ass, go Astros**Sincerely,Jim Verizon*
- Erik

*Fellow gentlemen of the internet, while death threats on any medium are as old as time itself, I implore that you find the restraint to convey your quite spirited distaste in a more constructive manner. For instance, if you think someone in power is out to dupe you for their own financial gain, wonder to yourself if perhaps a threat against their life is the appropriate statement to stamp on a public forum, given that such threats have led to pesky legal consequences all too many times in the past.**May I suggest instead that you threaten to eat a popsicle like some country tart in heat and then send them the picture? Think with your minds, my boys, not your red hot blood. Feast not on fear, lest it be the fear of your own boy as he wonders if you are bouncing too hard upon his extremity and that it may snap at any moment, but may your aim remain true thus upon the moment of mutual climax you can whisper into his ear:
“Ajit Pai looks like he can inflate the bottom part of his head to gain buoyancy”*
- Erik

*WHAT UP you broke bitches, I'm over here wondering what kind of internet Mark Cuban can afford when net neutrality's all gone. I bet it'll be sick, like ten grand a month and he can literally zap people through their computer monitors while he jerks off to Game of Thrones sex scenes AS THEY FILM THEM. Though you can tell Mark Cuban doesn't really jerk off a lot. He looks like he's got about 15 years worth of unbusted nuts wearing him down from the inside. It must be embarrassing whenever he drives over a pothole and pops one off in his pants, but yo I get it he's too busy making money... doing whatever he does. On that note, if you wanna know how to tell if somebody jerks off too much just look at Glenn Beck. That dude probably rubbed one out in his pocket while doing this interview. Glenn's definitely not the guy you wanna discuss the internet with by the way, considering he hasn't made a dime off this website since his entire audience died of old age five years ago.**Alright you're welcome for the comment, hey Glenn expect an invoice from me tomorrow morning for providing my services here. Everyone who reads this also owes me $9.11, because the government will never investigate it and I'm gonna use it to go get gas**(\_)\_):::::::::::::::D~~~FREE AND OPEN INTERNET~~~*
- Erik

*I had to block Comcast several times on twitter because they kept targeting me with anti net neutrality propaganda. I had to write two angry messages to twitter and flagged them for harassment.*
- Rey

*HEY REY, COMCAST HERE. HAVE YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND ABOUT NET NEUTRALITY YET? DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN DOUBLE YOUR BANDWIDTH FOR ONLY EIGHT DOLLARS A MONTH WHEN YOU PURCHASE A FAMILY PHONE LINE BUNDLE?! LOOKING FORWARD TO HEARING BACK FROM YOU REY BUT IF NOT WE'LL JUST THROW TWITTER A COUPLE BUCKS SO WE CAN START TWEETING AT YOU AGAIN. THEY REALLY NEED THAT MONEY EVER SINCE RUSSIA CLOSED THAT CHECKBOOK. PLEASE ANSWER MY PHONE CALLS OR THEY'RE GONNA THROW MY FAMILY IN FRONT OF A TRAIN**SINCERELY,
CHINA*
- Comcast

*Hey dipshit how about you apologize for taking up precious youtube bandwidth over here? Listen you keep fucking around and I'm gonna purchase this youtube account like some piece of shit car at a police auction, then fill it with videos of me shaking koalas out of trees at the zoo. In case you didn’t know, the zoo is a lot like the future of the internet where if you know whose palms to grease you can do whatever the fuck you want. I got to ride a hungry polar bear through the penguin habitat while dressed as Santa Claus, I've never seen so many kids screaming in my life. In addition, I helped a female tiger give birth but the baby came out all messed up because I also paid to be the father.**Anyway I hope your dad knows how to write you fat checks for when the internet turns into a cell phone contract full of ways to fuck us all so hard we start going outside to save money. And let's face it, it's gonna happen no matter because all the people who should give a shit are too busy complaining about video game loot boxes.*
- Erik

*Hey have you heard of Net NeutraliDEE**Net NeutraliDEEZ NUTZ*
- Docta Moneystacks

## Video

```

```