A Lot of Butter

A Lot of Butter is the eighth chapter in the Wombles Four.

Steed was writing a letter. “What are you doing?” asked Cathy. “Writing a letter” replied Steed. “I know that” said Cathy “But to whom and why?”  “To Mrs Peel to stop her being evil.”  “I doubt it’ll work.  The previous one just went to everyone and ended up with Tomsk, and the message wasn’t written very well.”  “This one is a lot better.”  Steed put it in an envelope and sent it.

Mrs Peel was back at home. A letter arrived.  “From John is it?” she said to herself, reading the envelope. She opened it, and read the letter:

*Dear Mrs Peel,*

*Please try not to feel too bad about me leaving you like that, and please be on the side of good again.  If you really do love me, won’t you do anything for me?  Please reply immediately.*

*From,*

*Steed.*

Mrs Peel did reply immediately.  Her reply said,

*Dear John, I mean Steed, I’ll call you that if you insist,*

*I am glad that you have tried to understand, but I can’t just stop loving you.  I admit it, most days I even cry from you leaving me, and, I will join your side under only one condition: You marry me.*

*Love from,*

*Mrs Peel*

Steed wrote a reply to that immediately.

*Dear Mrs Peel,*

*I am afraid I can’t do that.  I’m sorry, but Cathy is my true love.*

Mrs Peel replied to that immediately.

*Dear John, I mean Steed, I’ll call you that if you insist,*

*Did she give a partridge in a pear tree on the first day of Christmas?*

Steed replied to that immediately.

*Dear Mrs Peel,*

*?????????????????*

“Stop writing letters!” complained Cathy.  “Things are still happening around you!”

WOEHITIWGTCTSUB was stumbling around in Steed Crater looking for his wombles.  All he could see was piles of ash around him.  As he reached the edge of the crater he fell over something largish.  “Ouch!” said the something.  A nose appeared through the ash.  Two eyes appeared.  A rather stout stomach appeared.  “Orinoco!” shouted WOEHITIWGTCTSUB.  “Chief Bulgaria!” shouted Orinoco.  They shook hands violently and carried on searching together.  Suddenly Orinoco looked very worried.  On the far side of the crater were lots of heads sticking out of the earth and stone.  The heads were all the other wombles.  Orinoco counted them.  All of them except for one.

“Bungo!” said I Feel Like The Chief Again Uncle Bulgaria.  “It had to be him!  Ho Hum! Silly sort of name but it suits him!” IFLTCAUB and Orinoco climbed out of the crater after promising to come back with help to get the other wombles later. It took a long time but they reached the burrow eventually.  Only to find that a three storey Avengers HQ had replaced it!

There was one thing left. A police car hidden in the bushes. They leapt into the car and roared out of the bushes with siren blaring.  *Ho hum, ho hum, ho hum, ho hum!*

Mrs Peel and Venus arrived arrived at Steed Crater.  They were shocked at the sight.

Another letter arrived at the Steeds’ house.  Steed opened it and read it out loud.  “Dear John Steed (that should make me get away with calling you John), why are you so confused?  I will come to Steed Manor now.”  But she had gone to Steed Crater.  “I’ll go try to convince her to be good again *in person.*” Said Cathy.  “No I’d best do that she’ll kill you on sight.” Replied Steed.  “But…” began Cathy, but Steed had already gone, and she was left to look after Thomas and Lucy without a clue what to do.  “I didn’t come prepared for this.” She said.

Cathy had a terrible time. The babies crawled everywhere and kept pressing things.  It wasn’t so bad until Cathy went into the butter machine to get Lucy.  Lucy quickly crawled out.  Thomas crawled on the fast button before crawling off to the lab with Lucy.  They found a purple serum.  Thomas drank some.  Lucy had some then because she was jealous.  They looked at each other.  “Are we adults again?” asked Lucy.  “I think so” replied Thomas.  A shout echoed through New Steed Manor.  “Help!”

“Mrs Peel,” began Steed as he arrived at Steed Crater.  “What’s your decision then?” asked Mrs Peel with a half smile and half frown.  “Uh, decision?”  “Will you marry me or not?”  “No!  For goodness’ sake!  No matter how much you ask, it’ll still be a no.”  “Then why are you here?”  “To try and convince you to be good.”  “It won’t work unless you marry me.”  “I hope your wrong.”  “Hey! Why wasn’t I good enough?  At least tell me that?”  Steed sighed.  “Alright, I kind of know how you feel.”  “What?” Mrs Peel was astonished.

“You see, I’ve loved Cathy this whole time.”  “Then why did you ask me to marry you?”  “I didn’t. You challenged Tara to a dual and won.” “Well why did you ask Tara to marry you?”  “I didn’t. I said ‘Tara will you’ then got interrupted.”  “What were you actually going to say?”  “Tara will you calm her down, about you.”  Mrs Peel sighed and said, “Why does this mean you know how I feel?” “Well, not quite exactly, but I have had someone I love turn on me.  Cathy went bad twice, if you remember.”  “Yes, I remember.  But… I had no idea.”  Mrs Peel knew that Steed was never going to marry her again and was always going to love Cathy and didn’t want to upset him, but still loved him and hated Cathy, and wasn’t very sure what to do, so paused, and ran off.

A scream rang out around the crater.  Steed raced towards the sound in his Bentley.  Mrs Peel was knocked out cold.  “Hello Steed!” said a familiar voice.  “Mrs Peel had to be stopped because she has turned good.  I am the new leader of SCAR!”  It was Venus!  “Now I am going to kill you, slowly and painfully.”  Steed jumped into his car and raced off hitting Venus in the process.

Just after a police car arrived with siren blaring.  *Ho hum, ho hum, ho hum.*  Commissioner Bulgaria got out with Chief Wellington. Wombat and Womble Wonder pulled up behind them.  “Na na na na, na na na na, Wombat!” said Wombat.  “Quiet Wombat!  This is serious!  Mrs Peel is a dangerous criminal and needs to be locked up.”  Reprimanded Commissioner Bulgaria.

“OK” said Wombat and threw her into the crater.  “You great gormless womble!  The other wombles are stuck down there!” shouted CB.  Wombat threw his Wombatarang and climbed down into the crater.  He tried to free the wombles but couldn’t as they were all embedded in rock and rubble.  A shout came from above.  “Look out below!”..It was Womble Wonder shouting.  Wombat was just about ask why when a giant womblet fell into the crater.

The sides began to crumble freeing all the wombles except for wombat who was underneath the womblet with the unconscious Mrs Peel.  The wombles were just about to rush back to the burrow when Commissioner Bulgaria stopped them.  “We live in Hyde Park now!” he shouted.  “Why?” asked Shansi.  Commissioner Bulgaria replied “Because the Avengers built their HQ where our burrows were.”  All the wombles except Wombat who they had forgotten about (Commissioner Bulgaria hadn’t but wanted revenge on him) headed to the Hyde Park burrow.

News crews were swarming around the TV studio where a giant purple octopus was squirming around.  The building had been squashed but fortunately everybody managed to get out before getting crushed.

*Good Morning America!  This is Yellowstone Womble reporting from London where a giant octopus has crushed the TV studio.  All around the UK there is chaos with huge strange creatures falling from the sky causing injury and death!*

*Now over to Idaho at Steed Manor!*

*Hi there!  This is Idaho reporting from the former Steed Manor where the crater from the unexplained explosion has been filled by what looks like a giant womble!  Just behind is the only witness Miss Venus Smith. Miss Smith what happened?  Miss Smith?  Miss Smith!  Don’t kill me!  Arrgh!*

*Apologies we seem to have lost Idaho but here is some music!*

Thomas and Lucy had adjusted to being adults again.  They dressed in suits like their parents and armed themselves with guns, knives and umbrellas.  As they were looking for something to eat Thomas decided to have toast.  He made lots of toast but couldn’t find butter!

“I’ll make some” said Lucy. She went over the butter machine to find a just finished batch.  It was enormous!

Steed suddenly came in. “Why is that so big?”  “It was left on all day.” Replied Thomas.  “Where is your mother?”  “We don’t know” “Why are you adults?” “We found some purple serum and drank it” “Oh”  Steed looked all around the house but there was no sight of Cathy anywhere. (Apart from Lucy looking like her).  Suddenly he remembered back to when the Dreemykreem Dairies were evil and Tara had been put in the butter machine.  “Don’t eat that butter!” he said, and put his ear right up to it.  He heard a very muffled gasping.

He worked out that Cathy was inside.  But he wasn’t sure how to get her out.  “Uh” he said. “Do eat that butter now, but still on the lump until you see something that doesn’t look like butter.”  Thomas and Lucy began to munch through the butter. Thomas bit something hard.  “Ow!” said a voice.  Thomas and Lucy were rather surprised.  Cathy dug herself out.  “What were you doing in there?” asked Steed.  “Lucy was in there, so I got her out, but then it went fast when Lucy went away and I was still in there, but no one heard when I screamed for help.” Replied Cathy.  “Ok you best have a rest for a while.  The butter has turned you yellow.”

Suddenly the doorbell rang. Mrs Peel came in.  She had recovered from being knocked out. “Hello!” she said, ignoring Cathy. “Do you need any help with anything?” “Now that you mention it I’m rather unsure how to be a mother and…” began Cathy.  “Not you, J..er, Steed.” Interrupted Mrs Peel.

“Actually yes” replied Steed.  “I need somebody immortal to defeat Venus.  Would you be able to do that?” he asked.  “Anything for you Johnsie Wonsie!” swooned Mrs Peel.  She rushed off to Scotland to find Venus.