An American Carol (GAM331)

### Starring:

Kevin Farley, Kelsey Grammer, Leslie Nielsen, Trace Adkins, Dennis Hopper, Jon Voight

## Hosts

Noah Lugeons

Heath Enwright

Eli Bosnick

***An American Carol*** is the story of a Republican comedian's first open mic, and they did their tight five about Islam from 2008… but it's *way* longer than five minutes.

### **Opening Phrase**

Where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema, because atheists don't get absolution.

### **How Bad Was It?**

Well, if you've been laboring under the delusion that Trumpism was a new low, and you needed a thirteen-year-old reminder that this has *always* been their game plan and platform… you will get super depressed while watching this movie.

### **Best Worst**

* Heath: ...bad prophecy not working out for them. [The future just punches the movie in the dick, every time.]
* Noah: ...shitting on your own joke.
* Eli: ...worst worst movie. [Definitely makes the top ten.]

### **Notes**

* After listening to this episode, you are contractually obligated to go to Target, tackle people, and force them to subscribe to the GAM Patreon.

### **Jokes**

* [Noah: I want to point out: *Fahrenheit 9/11* is the too grossing documentary of all time by *fifty percent* over the next highest one. So just, ever time they make a joke about how no one likes his movies, just keep that in mind.] [Eli: And, I will point out that if this movie has a through line, it is more and more pathetic actors shitting on documentaries. Right? By the end of it, it might as well be a crying *me* outside my failed *Book of Mormon* audition wiping the tears and snot from my face to say "Well, at least I'm not a documentarian!" Sorry, I am not the peak of that joke—the peak of that joke is Kevin Sorbo. (21:12)
* [Eli: Wait. A *very* important thing happens: there's a racist "Oh, this is what liberals think is real", and then —I believe, 'cause my pet theory is that Leslie Nielsen's dementia subsided for a moment—Leslie Nielsen's dementia subsided, the actor, he grabbed a sword and tried, and *rightly* tried to kill everyone involved with this movie, and they kept it in.] [Noah: Yeah, Leslie Nielsen just runs into the middle of the scene, and starts hacking at people with what we're led to believe is a real sword that he's really killing people with during the rehearsal. There's no *reason* for this, right? They're just trying to be wacky! And then he just runs off, and that's it. That's that.] [Heath: So, is he swinging a sword around with a bunch of kids next to him at a barbeque in the reality part?] [Eli: No! He has entered the world of the movie! (1:02:26)

### **Interstitials**

* Adolph Hitler, Satan, People Who Read and Answer Texts While You're Talking to Them, and The Very Concept of Losing a Child (6:00)
* Ghost of July Fourth Past, John F. Kennedy (40:01)
* Apparently Just a Patreon Ad with No Interstitial (1:06:26)
* Noah's Five-Count Anxiety (1:36:27) [Post Credits]

### **Breakfast Club Close**

* Heath: According to Amazon, if you liked this movie you'll also enjoy *A Pocket Guide to Skull Shapes*.
* Noah: This movie would go on to make about seven million dollars on a budget of twenty million, or about one seventeenth of what *Fahrenheit 9/11* made.
* Eli: This movie would go on to inspire about two-hundred and sixty-six 9/11s worth of COVID deaths, and counting. And none of them were Kevin Sorbo… yet.

### **Links**

* Episode on Audioboom
* Episode on YouTube
* Episode on Patreon
* Film on YouTube
* IMDb

### **Ad Reads**

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