FILE 22. The Secrets of the Woods

**CONTENT WARNING: Manipulation, religious exploitation and religious themes, tense emotional interpersonal conflict.**

*Mayfield & Belov presents: Camp Here & There*

*Episode 22: The Secrets of the Woods*

[CLICK]

**JEDIDIAH**

Hi. Sydney is still gone. Meet with me in the nurse’s office after breakfast if you’re interested in forming a search party. Breakfast is… meat. Have a nice day.

[CLICK]

[CLICK]

[A TICKING CLOCK, MINGLED WITH AMBIENT FOREST NOISES]

**SYDNEY**

Ah…?

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

[*Suppressing a chuckle*] Good morning, sleepy head.

**SYDNEY**

Pink… elephant… guy…?

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

You have such a way with words.

**SYDNEY**

Mm.

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

And I must say… you look *ravishing* right now. Even so disheveled. Even awake.

**SYDNEY**

H… what…?

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

Come to, dear! Come to! I must speak with you. I’ve been waiting for *years*.

**SYDNEY**

You’ve… uh… still got the mask on…

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

It’s better I keep it on for now, love. You’ll see my face in due time.

**SYDNEY**

Ah… [*Yawn*] why… am I lying on a pile of stuffed animals?

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

[*He laughs*] How should I know, silly? You’re the one on the pile.

**SYDNEY**

Ahh… good point… I think.

[PORCELAIN CLINKING]

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

Would you care to join me at the table for tea, dear? I’ve got the kettle on.

**SYDNEY**

Mm… alright.

[SYDNEY GETS UP AND SITS AT THE TABLE]

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

Ah! Delightful! Delightful! Oh, my darling, delightful that you’re finally here with me! I was beginning to think you were standing me up.

**SYDNEY**

Aha… my uh- my apologies… I… I got lost.

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

No matter, it’s no problem at all. Now that we’re together, we can wash all our worries and sins away. …With tea! Have a drink, dear heart.

[TEA POURING]

**SYDNEY**

I-I-Is this… where all the stuff you took has ended up? All of this… everywhere? The piles. My stuffed rabbit sat here at the table…  with a kiss mark on it.

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

Dearest, your keen wisdom never ceases to amaze me! Yes, your young wards and peers have donated quite an assortment of useful sundries to my cause… tithes, you might call them.

**SYDNEY**

This… structure… oh! The tower.

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

The tower you had your children build, yes; I really must thank you for that. The structure is perfect. Tall… sturdy… flammable…

**SYDNEY**

And Lucille’s grandfather clock…? How did you get *that* over here…?

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

Ah, yes… the clock. Its face is the only safe way to view my reflection, you see, and at first I considered it a friend. Now I’m less certain. My heartbeat has synced up with the ceaseless ticking… and I hear it in my head, no matter how far away I wander…

[TICKING GETS LOUDER]

It measures my blood flow. It measures the rotation of the Earth. It tells me things I can’t know… can’t… know…

**SYDNEY**

Are… are you alright?

[TICKING QUIETS AGAIN]

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

Ahem. Ah, yes, yes! Enough about me; you’re the reason we’re here.

[HE GRABS A DISH]

Care for a cookie?

**SYDNEY**

I’m sorry. I can only eat buttered bread.

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

They’re butter cookies, doll.

**SYDNEY**

Hm.

[HE PLACES THE DISH DOWN]

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

I’ve been watching, you know. Well, I’m sure you know. I know you know, in fact, but did you know that I know you know? Well, now you know. And I must say… [*Inhale*] you are even prettier up close. How the light between the maple leaves dapples your face… I could stare at you for hours, my dear… I have. You inspire such feelings in me… the deepest admiration. The purest love… Ah, have you dozed off again? Come to, come to! You will have an eternity for rest come the holy day; but for now! Don’t you wish to know the truth?

**SYDNEY**

[*Yawn*] The truth?

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

[*Distracted*] …You. You are the most divine thing I have ever laid my eyes on.

**SYDNEY**

Ah — me?

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

Who else but you, dear? Who else could ever be the object of my love but you?

**SYDNEY**

Aha… I… well, thank you. I — thank you. Uh… I don’t think anyone’s ever said anything like this to me before…

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

You can’t mean that.

**SYDNEY**

I’m really not used to this kind of attention.

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

Fools… they’re all fools. Everyone who ever turned their eyes from your face, everyone who saw you but refused to say your name… *fools*. To think that even in this world, there are those who remain blind to the pristine, infinite truth of the beauty you alone possess… it boggles the mind and boils the blood. My love, everyone else may be sleeping on your virtues, but I am wide awake. I love you. I would die for you.

**SYDNEY**

[*Barely breathing*] Goodness.

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

I am so happy you are here.

**SYDNEY**

What… did you mean by the truth?

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

Ah, yes yes. The one that your bastard clockmaker keeps hidden.

**SYDNEY**

Jedidiah?

[HIS FIST SLAMS ON THE TABLE]

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

[*Loudly*] Do not speak his name!

**SYDNEY**

[*Startled*] Woah.

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

He’s disgraced your good graces, and therefore has lost mine. Has he not hurt you gravely?

**SYDNEY**

I mean… [*Sigh*] We’re not on the best terms right now.

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

Don’t you think you deserve better than what he gives you? Don’t you deserve his utmost appreciation? Devotion? Love?

**SYDNEY**

I… I-I don’t know about “deserve,” but that… that would be nice…

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

He should worship you!

**SYDNEY**

[*Reluctantly, though not sounding like he hates the idea*] “Worship” is a big word…

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

Worship is everywhere, dear. It’s the deepest, truest form of love. It’s the kind of love that gives a lover purpose. Life worships you!

**SYDNEY**

Life worships me?

[WIND WITH CLINKING WIND CHIMES SLOWLY BUILDS IN THE BACKGROUND]

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

My love, you are holy. And this world we live in understands that. [*He slowly drops to a reverent whisper*] The turning of the planet’s body… the subtle shifting of its facial plates… the twirling dance of sun and moon… it’s all for you. The Earth saw you and wept its admiration, and there were the oceans. It heard you and screamed its awe, and there was thunder. The world gives its whole self to you; and by standing upon its soil, eating its fruit, breathing its air, you give back. This is worship. Life. Worships. You.

**SYDNEY**

Ah.

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

[*Gentle chuckle*] I know, dear. It’s difficult to wrap your head around. I’m ashamed to admit it, but, I, too, tried to deny the calling at first… I was scared, you see, of how my world would change once I welcomed you into it. So I understand why so many of your peers reject and dismiss you. It just means that we’ve got to show them, you and I! We’ve got to help them understand you.

**SYDNEY**

[*Breathless*] You… you’re going to help everyone… understand me?

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

And love you. For who could truly know you and not love what they knew?

**SYDNEY**

This is so much…

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

Stay with me, beloved. This next bit is terribly important. There are secrets of this world that are hidden even from me; secrets of your divinity, its nature, its eminence. Your clockmaker, that jailor, that covetor, that false claimant, he knows these secrets. He keeps them, and he won’t allow anybody to read them. Are you with me?

**SYDNEY**

You mean… Jedidiah’s journals…?

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

[*Irritated*] IF… you refer to the sacred texts in such a vulgar, pedestrian manner… then yes. Those books contain the truth of the world; a truth which we can read, understand, and share together. But you must bring these books to me. Only you can carry out this task.

**SYDNEY**

Gosh… I — I- I could — probably sneak them somehow — but he’d be… really upset, I think…

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

What do you feel you owe him? What has he offered you that I, and the Earth that I speak for, cannot offer you tenfold?

**SYDNEY**

This… i-i-i-it’s all… um… I-I-I’m feeling a little overwhelmed.

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

My apologies, darling. Here — why don’t I help you relax…

[THE ELEPHANT MAN TAKES HIS MASK OFF. SYDNEY’S HEAD HITS THE TABLE AS HE FALLS ASLEEP. THE WIND CHIMES IMMEDIATELY STOP]

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

[*He laughs*] What a response. My bare face does tend to elicit a reaction from those who see it exposed, but… nobody is quite like you… ahhh, but there is no time for sleep. Come, my dear. [HE GETS UP] Dance with me. I shall lead.

[HE DRAGS SYDNEY’S SLEEPING FORM THROUGH THE UNDERBRUSH IN A MOCK DANCE]

**THE ELEPHANT MAN**

I was christened Elijah Volkov some twenty nine years ago to a wealthy family who moved from Arkhangelsk not long after my birth. I like long walks on the beach, cattle, sheep – which I have long enjoyed shepherding – candlelit dinners, and I quite enjoy the taste of lamb. What about you, doll?

**SYDNEY**

I… I… I — I-I am…

**ELIJAH**

How perfect an answer. You are, my dear, yes you are! And I am the Prophet. I am the shepherd of men, the vessel and mouthpiece of this world and its love for you. I pluck halos off of angels and melt golden calves in your name. And I am going to prove to everyone that you *are*.

[THE GRANDFATHER CLOCK CHIMES THE WESTMINSTER MELODY]

**ELIJAH**

[*Deathly serious*] So I need you to get me those journals, Sydney.

**SYDNEY**

What exactly… will you do with them…?

**ELIJAH**

Show you a love you have never known.

**SYDNEY**

…Okay. I can get them for you.

[THE CLOCK FINISHES WITH A SINGLE TOLL]

**ELIJAH**

[*He laughs*] Excellent. I eagerly await your return, and — one last dip! You are an excellent dancer.

[ELIJAH GENTLY LEANS SYDNEY AGAINST A TREE]

**SYDNEY**

Ahhh… before I go, uh, do you… do you mind if I take some of these… uh, stuffed animals and shampoo bottles and stuff back to camp? I think the kids would appreciate their stuff back.

**ELIJAH**

Of course. Take anything you can carry, dear heart.

[SYDNEY SHUFFLES AND STUMBLES TO PICK UP ITEMS]

**SYDNEY**

I’ll… I’ll be back.

**ELIJAH**

I know, my dear.

[CLICK]

[CLICK]

**YVONNE**

Yvonne here, at the helm of the announcements once again; since Jedidiah is currently lost in the woods, walking around in circles. I got Joshua here today — he’s gonna help me decipher Sydney’s notes.

[JOSHUA’S CHAIR CREAKS]

**JOSHUA**

Heyyyyyyy-ooooo!

**YVONNE**

You’re not at a party, Joshua, someone’s gone missing.

**JOSHUA**

Uh- Just thought I’d try to get everybody’s spirits up…

**YVONNE**

The mealtime announcements aren’t for getting people’s spirits up, Joshua, they’re for sharing your childhood trauma and extensively detailing any perceived or hypothetical threats to the mental wellbeing of the children.

**JOSHUA**

[*Sarcastic shocked gasp*] Are you making fun of a guy who’s *missing?*

**YVONNE**

What the hell? No. I would never make fun of Sydney like that. Why would you assume that?

**JOSHUA**

Oh. Sorry.

**YVONNE**

Dude. Yeah, I was making fun of Sydney.

**JOSHUA**

Oh. Right. Okay.

**YVONNE**

Who is still gone, by the way, kids. Sorry — no updates on that. Jedidiah’s search party hasn’t sent word back, either, but they’ve only been gone for a couple of hours, so that’s less concerning.

**JOSHUA**

Search party is such a funny term. Like, what are they celebrating?

**YVONNE**

Every time you make an attempt at observational humor, I taste blood.

**JOSHUA**

Speaking of parties, dude, I have not been to a party in so long. I was thinking about that the other day, like, man, why don’t we have any parties here? Like, in camp? We have these near-death experiences, like, almost every day. We should be having parties all the time, just to, like, I mean, y’know, *live* like you’re dying, right? But instead we always come down off the daily apocalypse with campfire songs and bullshit rituals —

**YVONNE**

Microphone.

**JOSHUA**

I mean, uh — *good* — rituals…

**YVONNE**

Unbelievable.

**JOSHUA**

What I’m trying to say is, when they get back, we should have some kind of big blowout party with all the kids and counselors and everything.

**YVONNE**

When the search party gets back?

**JOSHUA**

Yeah. I dunno, the kids need a party, don’t you think? Jedidiah and them, they’ll probably be happy to get back to camp and, ohhhh! It’s a party! Camp party!

**YVONNE**

What if they come back without Sydney? Do we still have a party then?

**JOSHUA**

Uhhhhh…

**YVONNE**

You know, if they come back empty-handed and you still throw a party, you’ll basically be celebrating Sydney’s absence.

**JOSHUA**

[*Almost as if that’s a good thing*] I mean…

**YVONNE**

*Microphone.*

**JOSHUA**

Shit.

**YVONNE**

You should never be allowed in front of children.

**JOSHUA**

Take that up with Lucille.

**YVONNE**

Is that a dare?

**JOSHUA**

It’s a friendly suggestion from your co-worker.

**YVONNE**

I will march up to her office and have you fired right now!

**JOSHUA**

Try it! She’s scared to fire me! She knows these kids need a strong, male role model with my specific brand of roguish charm!

**YVONNE**

Like they need holes in their socks!!

**JOSHUA**

I’ll bite holes in your socks!!!!

**YVONNE**

That’s weird, dude! Read the announcement notes like I asked you to!!

**JOSHUA**

OKAY!!!!

[JOSHUA SNATCHES THE PAPERS OUT OF HER HAND. HE’S SILENT FOR A MOMENT.]

**JOSHUA**

Very funny. Where are the actual notes?

**YVONNE**

I know how it looks, but I promise this isn’t a joke.

**JOSHUA**

There’s nothing written here.

**YVONNE**

[*Snort*] That’s one way to put it.

**JOSHUA**

What do you mean “*that’s one way to put it*”? Yvonne, these are blank papers!

**YVONNE**

What?

[SHE SNATCHES THE PAPERS BACK. A MOMENT OF SILENCE.]

**YVONNE**

Are *you* joking?

**JOSHUA**

Cross my heart and hope to die-

**YVONNE**

Look. Look, right there, it clearly says… something. I mean, those are clearly *supposed* to be words.

**JOSHUA**

There’s literally no ink where you’re pointing.

**YVONNE**

Stop!

**JOSHUA**

I’m not lying!

**YVONNE**

Okay, this makes sense, kind of… everyone has, like — a different reaction to reading these notes. Jedidiah said it was plain English. Like he could read it no problem. For me, it’s like, like… the scrawled manifesto of a lunatic wizard. And for you, it’s just blank.

**JOSHUA**

Dude…

**YVONNE**

What does it mean?

**JOSHUA**

Maybe it’s —

[THE DOOR OPENS. ENTER SYDNEY, OUT OF BREATH]

**YVONNE & JOSHUA, SIMULTANEOUSLY**

*SYDNEY!?*

**SYDNEY**

[*Badly out of breath*] …Hey.

**JOSHUA**

Where on Earth have you been?!

**YVONNE**

It’s been two days, dude, are you aware of that?

**SYDNEY**

[*Panting*] I… give me a second…

**JOSHUA**

Yeah, dude, sit down… here…

[JOSHUA OFFERS SYDNEY HIS CHAIR; SYDNEY SITS IN IT GRATEFULLY]

**SYDNEY**

[*Catching his breath*] I… I-I-I-I was out… in the woods… early… yesterday morning, I was… picking, you know… flowers… herbs… for medicine. Hoo… but uh one flower… I-I smelled… it… I’d never seen it before… the fumes… put me in this state… oh… [*Laugh*] oh man. They, like… put me to sleep. But awake. I-In a trance… for twenty-seven hours. A-As soon as I woke up, I-I ran here… hoo. Oh my gosh.

**JOSHUA**

Dang.

**YVONNE**

Well… [*Skeptically*] we’ve all been worried about you, you know. Especially Jedidiah. He’s losing his mind. He’s out there looking for you right now.

**SYDNEY**

By himself?

**YVONNE**

He put a search party together.

**SYDNEY**

[*Shocked and touched, but quickly recovering*] That’s… nice… we-we-we should definitely try to let them know that I’m back. As soon as possible…

**YVONNE**

I’ll try to get a text through, but you know what those trees do to cell service.

**JOSHUA**

More importantly, can you read the announcements? We, uh…

**YVONNE**

We can’t read your handwriting.

**SYDNEY**

Yes, sure. [*Clearing his throat*] Today’s scheduled activities for this afternoon, campers, are shoving pencils into planter’s foam to try and recreate the desolated gardenscape the collective world sees in our dreams, and cautiously approaching the stern-eyed, great horned owl that has not moved from its place on the roof of the administrative building all summer. At first, no one thought anything of it, but now it’s starting to get concerning; as its piercing yellow eyes bore into our hearts, our souls, our psyches. Some campers have wanted to approach it and ask what it wishes to obtain from staring down, forever unmoving. Should it get food? Does it believe us all food? What of its nature to hunt and breathe and live? Is it not in love with sustenance like the rest of us? I believe you all will not get an easy response.

And truly, there’s no worse feeling than asking for comforting knowledge, and receiving a long, cold stare. But I wish you all the best of luck.

For lunch, Matthew has carved emeralds into tributes of meat, crystalline visages of cow, dog, and pig. He expects you all to fill your stomachs with his artistic love for recreating the already perfect – it’s vegan friendly!

Alright, uhm, enjoy your afternoon.

[CLICK]

[CLICK]

**SYDNEY**

Good evening, my little honeybees. It’s 19:10, and the sky has alighted upon a gentle, roseate hue. It having been a screaming red all day, it’s a relief to see the that the painful color has resolved into something so… soft… easy… lovely.

After a lowkey afternoon of crafting recreations of the garden where we all meet one another in our dreams, I hope you’re all feeling like me: peacefully drifting in reflection on the matter of that shared mind palace. Is it an ancestral memory, a recollection of humanity’s long-ago homeland? Is it a collective prophecy, a vision of the splash zone at the end of this spiral waterslide we call modern civilization? Or is it a cryptic message from some interdimensional entity, desperately — or perhaps, mockingly — trying to communicate some terrible truth to us?

Well, in the same vein, it appears the owl atop the roof remained silent. And still, it sits. Ah, well.

[*Sigh*] Hey, listen, kids. I know I was gone for a long time, and I’m really very sorry. I… I didn’t expect or intend to be gone so long, sincerely. I don’t like the idea of leaving you kids unattended, and I feel like I’ve really messed up. But I’m so glad that it seems as if none of you got hurt while I was gone, and I hope counselor Yvonne did a good job as a substitute nurse. I’m, hah, glad Jedidiah picked her over… some other options, regardless of how much medical experience they may have.

Just because Joshua has an [*Mockingly*] actual medical degree, he thinks he’s qualified to take care of you kids… [*Scoff*] What a joke.

Hm, anyways. Tonight’s dinner is the tongue of the venus flytrap, simmered in pure bitterness and served in vengeance for all our ancestors it has devoured. Eat or be eaten, if it eats, we’ll eat it – and, again, it’s vegan!

Tonight’s activity – the staff at Camp Here and There have decided that everyone should have some in-cabin rest as we recover from the day’s hectic going ons. Again, I profusely apologize for the ways I’ve burdened you all. It won’t happen again.

I hope you can all rest well. I love you. Goodnight.

[CLICK]

[CLICK]

[CLOCK TICKING]

**SYDNEY**

Heyyyy. What a day, huh? The time is 25:25, and I am exhausted. Hahaa.

I can’t sleep yet, though. I brought back a bunch of stuff from The Elephant — from *Elijah’s* stash. Plenty of stuffed animals, some clothing, some toiletries, jewelry, whatever looked important. As soon as everyone’s asleep, I’ll sneak out and deliver it to the cabin doorsteps. It’ll be Christmas in June. Haha.

Except not nearly as horribly violent as Christmas. Or as sticky.

…I’ve uh…. o-obviously been doing a lot of thinking —

[DOOR OPENS; THERE IS A PAUSE]

**JEDIDIAH**

Sydney.

**SYDNEY**

Hello.

**JEDIDIAH**

Hi. Um… Listen, I wanna talk.

**SYDNEY**

Okay. Talk.

**JEDIDIAH**

Um. Okay. Listen. Sydney… I don’t want to lose you.

**SYDNEY**

[*Half amused*] …I-Is that all?

**JEDIDIAH**

Um, I mean. Um. I have — so much I would say to you, Sydney, h-honestly… if… if I felt like it was right.

**SYDNEY**

Mm. [*After a beat, as if he can’t stop himself from replying*] I-I’m being honest here — not trying to attack you but — I didn’t think you still cared about what was right anymore.

**JEDIDIAH**

[*Jokingly*] Well, y’know. You can take the boy out of church…

**SYDNEY**

You’re not suggesting that *church* taught you the difference between right and wrong?

**JEDIDIAH**

[*Cheeky*] It — it bulked up the muscle…

**SYDNEY**

Explains a lot.

**JEDIDIAH**

I can’t tell if you’re teasing me or… actually being mean.

**SYDNEY**

[*Sigh*] I’m sorry. I was kind of being mean. …So. You want me.

**JEDIDIAH**

Ah! Uh. Um.

**SYDNEY**

Or, at least, you don’t want to lose me.

**JEDIDIAH**

That — well, let me change tack here. I’m sorry. That — it’s true, but it’s not — relevant. Let me start over. I’m- I’m sorry… Sydney, I am aware of the role that my behavior, and our relationship, has played… in the- in the decisions you’ve made.

**SYDNEY**

My decisions?

**JEDIDIAH**

[*Cutting him off*] I- I just- I just want you to know that I — I don’t — blame you — I understand you’re just reacting to — to untenable circumstances — and s-s-I mean— a-a lot of that is my fault —

**SYDNEY**

J-Jedidiah, you’re — you’re starting to scare me a bit. Please stop being vague.

**JEDIDIAH**

You left. For two days.

**SYDNEY**

[*Sigh*] And I’m sorry. But I — I already explained, that wasn’t my decision. I — I was put in a trance by some weird flower.

**JEDIDIAH**

Yeah.

**SYDNEY**

I… I really don’t like that I was gone for so long. Yes, I went out to the woods, but I was supposed to be back before anyone woke up… I-I’m- I’m sorry. I know you were worried. I know you were here on your own. I don’t… listen, I would never do that to you on purpose.

**JEDIDIAH**

Uh-huh. …Uh, listen, Sydney… I looked for you for hours. I circled the campgrounds a hundred times. I got as many people to help me as the camp could spare. How far into the woods did you go… for herbs?

**SYDNEY**

[*Playing it off with humor*] You know what they say. The best stuff is out there where human feet dare not tread.

**JEDIDIAH**

Sydney, that… flower… c-could you… describe it? It might be… important information to have on record… dangerous flower…

[SILENCE]

**JEDIDIAH**

[*Losing composure*] Sydney, I don’t like doing this. I really- I don’t like doing this. Lucille makes me play these games often enough.

**SYDNEY**

Okay. Then say what you mean.

**JEDIDIAH**

Sydney… were you meeting with someone?

**SYDNEY**

… Why does it matter to you?

**JEDIDIAH**

Sydney, please.

**SYDNEY**

I’m sorry. But I’m not trying to mess with you. I seriously want to understand why you care — about any of the things you care about. It-It’s frustrating for me. Most of the time, it’s like I don’t even exist to you. Then every once in a while I do some particular thing, and you randomly get on my case about it, an-and you don’t even explain why it’s bad.

**JEDIDIAH**

I’m worried about your safety. I —

**SYDNEY**

And what’s unsafe about this?

**JEDIDIAH**

He’s dangerous!

**SYDNEY**

…

**JEDIDIAH**

The Elephant Man is dangerous. He’s — I — I can’t explain to you how dangerous he is. And I’m sorry if… I mean… I have no idea what he said to you. I’m so relieved he didn’t say enough to — t-to hurt you — but I — Sydney, I— I don’t want him around you —!

**SYDNEY**

Okay. I’m sorry to cut you off. But you’re kind of working yourself up, and I just want to make sure I have things straight.

**JEDIDIAH**

Okay.

**SYDNEY**

So… when *I’m* scared of The Elephant Man. When *I’m* telling *you* that he’s dangerous and a problem. You say I’m worrying too much.

**JEDIDIAH**

T-That’s — I got it wrong, but —

**SYDNEY**

But when I’m — I-I don’t know, when it’s an excuse to control me — it’s suddenly a huge concern. I’m in danger. I should be worried. I should stay inside.

**JEDIDIAH**

You know it’s not like that.

**SYDNEY**

Do I? Do I know anything about what you do anymore?

**JEDIDIAH**

I…

**SYDNEY**

*And* another thing. You’re allowed to keep secrets from me. No matter how much it distracts you from work, or from our relationship, or seems dangerous, your project is allowed to stay private. But you get to know everything about my life?

**JEDIDIAH**

Sydney. I — I know that you know deep down what you’re saying isn’t fair.

**SYDNEY**

[*Sighing, he sounds hopeless*] Logically, this is the fairest assessment I can make based on your behavior.

**JEDIDIAH**

I—I’m trying to —

**SYDNEY**

I-I mean, can you even explain to me why you suddenly think The Elephant Man is a threat to me?

**JEDIDIAH**

No. I can’t.

**SYDNEY**

Then we’re back to day one. …Jedidiah, if you wanna convince me that I’m wrong, then convince me. I’m begging you to convince me. I have been for years.

**JEDIDIAH**

… So you did meet with The Elephant Man.

**SYDNEY**

No. He’s dangerous. Remember?

**JEDIDIAH**

Okay.

[HE LEAVES ]

**SYDNEY**

… I didn’t grab my rabbit.

…

[*Sigh*] Well. Goodnight.

[CLICK]

*Today’s episode was written and produced by Blue Mayfield and Nicholas Belov. The part of Sydney Sargent was played by Blue Mayfield. The part of Jedidiah Martin was played by Nicholas Belov. The part of Yvonne Marley was played by Emily Safko. The part of Joshua MacHeath was played by Ty Coker. The part of Elijah Volkov was played by Ryan Henning. Camp Here & There is the sole intellectual property of its production company, Mayfield and Belov. All music composed by Will Wood, and produced by Jonathon Maisto. Sound editing by Emily Safko and Blue Mayfield. Special thanks to our patrons: Bumble Z, Cas Humber, Theo, and Ryan Henning.*

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*Thank you for listening to Camp Here & There, and remember: the tree finds human happiness nauseating.*