Sampson Shire

Meeting Sampson Shire:

Walking through the gate, in the distance you spot something half-obscured in the dappled shade of the apple tree. To start with you think it's a landmark of some kind, but as you approach you realise with a start that it's nothing of the kind- it's an animal! It's hard to identify which species to start with, because whoever they are, they're one of the fattest thing you've ever seen! Their beige coat, clumpy hooves and mane lead you to guess that he a horse. Nine feet tall while sitting down, he towers over you, but that's nothing compared to his girth! A truly colossal stomach fills the space between his spread, hamlike legs, the front of it pushing just beyond his hooves, while his backside is as broad as a barn, the trunk of the apple tree pressing between them, creaking under the strain as he dozes in the shade, leaning back comfortably against it. A pile of apple cores litters the ground next to him, and a large sack rests underneath a bulging brown lovehandle. You can't tell if he's wearing anything on his humungous hindquarters, but you realise that the silvery jacket stretched around his shoulders is actually chainmail armour that burst apart! The links of metal tinkle against his mammoth, rolling chest as it slowly rises and falls. You don't think this beast will even be able to stand!

(Greet Adventurer)

From behind round, bloated cheeks, his eyes open, and he spots you staring at him. He smiles, face growing even rounder.

"Well hi there! Guess you're an adventurer, huh?" He chuckles, causing his behemoth body to wobble. "Yeah, I used to be one myself, but... uh..." he smiles sheepishly and slaps a hand as bloated as a baseball mitt against his deeply doughy side, a ripple travelling slowly through that ocean of belly-blubber, "...Guess success has kinda slowed me down. Not that I'm complaining!" He chuckles again, hand rubbing at his enormous gut contentedly. "I was pretty famous back in the day, you ever heard of me?" You've never heard of him. He looks a little disappointed, but shrugs his bloated shoulders, shaking a couple of apples loose from the tree. He catches one expertly, without even looking. "Well hey, never mind, I don't miss fame. I've got it pretty good these days. I'm kind of a tourist attraction here on the farm. All I got to do is sit around all day and I get all the fruit I can eat and all the milk I can drink!" It shows, it really does. At the mention of food, his stomach lets out a cavernous gurgle, and he absent-mindedly bites into the apple, nearly cutting it in half.

"'Course," he says with his mouth full, "I do kinda miss city life. Especially some of the FOOD. I think about going sometimes, but..." he swallows the rest of the apple whole and then you watch his attempts to stand, his huge butt lifting about foot off the ground, quivering, before plopping back down with a THUD that shakes MORE apples from the tree. The big fella puffs and pants, grinning sheepishly, "...it seems a whole lot further away these days." His eyes brighten. "Say, you wouldn't do me a favour, would you? Only I've got this real CRAVING for some huge fruit." He winks and pats the sack by his side. "I'll trade you what you want for it, don't worry. And no need to rush..." he smiles again and sighs sleepily, settling back, a gigantic, increasingly immobile mountain of a horse "I'm not going anywhere in a hurry..."