Chapter 4: Distant Memories

A CHERRY BLOSSOM RIPPLING IN THE WIND

DISTANT MEMORIES

CHAPTER 4 OF THE MANGA

(Story Note---This Chapter is mostly a flashback to Ren's earlier life, and the "Coming Out to Oneself" triggering event that lead to the discovery of having a female Gender Identity all along, thereby making 'him' a Trans Girl at heart.)

After Ren's older sister leaves the playground, Ren and Kazuhiro are left to themselves near swing set. Ren sits down again on one of the swings, and so does Kazuhiro. Ren decides to tell Kazuhiro everything about her relationship with her older sister, what led up to her realizing that she was a Trans Girl, and the beginning of when she started to dress and present as a girl.

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QUITE SOME TIME AGO

A mirror is being held up, and an excited little girl is looking at herself !

"Is this really me ? **Wow !**"

You look so sweet and adorable, comments the older sister. The little girl cheers ! However, she states that wearing a dress makes it feel so breezy 'down there', plus wearing girl's panties feels so strange and different. The older sister says that you are the strange one, Ren, for wanting to wear girl's clothes, and now you are actually doing this for the very first time. Ren, do you want to go out together and go shopping dressed the way you are now ? But is that okay ? Of course, it is ! Big sis grabs the arm of her new little sister, and leads the both of them out the front door, and to the public marketplace.

For a loving, caring teenage girl, and for an adorable little girl, it is a day of fun, different activities, and doing wonderful things together. After a while, the two stop at a snack stand to eat fish cakes. Later, walking together, they pass by two high school girls, who loudly comment that those two sisters are both so, so cute together. Sisters, questions Ren ? Oh, yeah ! I look like a girl now. I don't know why, but my heart is racing, and my cheeks feel hot. Seeing Ren a bit apprehensive, Big Sis puts her arm around her shoulders, and coyly tells Ren that it has been her dream for so long that the two of us could go out with you dressed as a girl, making this a fun time for us to be two *sisters* enjoying one another's company. But, you know Ren, you are so much cuter than me ! Really ? Ren says that makes her so happy !

From a distance, a nicely dressed middle-aged man is watching the two sisters. He stares at them for a while, with a frown on his face. He then quietly leaves, without the two even knowing that he was there, looking and observing them.

That night, Ren awakens in the bed that is shared with the older sister, realizing that 'he' has to go to the bathroom. Calling out sister's name, Ren realizes that big sis is not in bed. That means that they will have to go by themselves. Getting out of bed, Ren heads downstairs to the toilet. However, they are distracted by overhearing a serious conversation between Dad and Big Sis. Dad is loudly complaining---

"What were you thinking ? I went sick and pale when I saw the two of you in town, right out in public, to boot ! To dress Ren like that ! We're talking **Ren** here, of all people ! (Big Sis squeaks out that she thought it would be okay.) Don't say such idiotic things ! Ren is too young to understand the difference between being a girl and being a boy **(\*)**! Don't involve Ren in your silly, outrageous fantasies !"

"You don't understand anything at all !", barks back Big Sis.

Out of sight, but hearing everything, Ren wonders to themselves why are Dad and Sis fighting ? Is it because I wore girl's clothes, and went shopping with Big Sis ? But I had begged Big Sis over and over to wear girl's clothes, because that is what I want to do. Since I am a girl inside, that is what my mind and heart are telling me to do **(\*)**. Big Sis even said how happy she was to help me do this. She even bought that gray dress with white polka dots, and gave it to me to wear.

"You should just stop dreaming about doing goofy things with Ren .... ", scoffs Dad. ***"no .... No .... NO, NO !!!"***, screams back Big Sis, "You've got it all wrong .... "

Next morning, when Big Sis awakens, Ren is already up out of bed and moving around the bedroom. Both greet one another with a "Good Morning". Ren then excitedly shows Sis the girl's fancy white blouse that was picked out, and wants to know what mini-skirt to wear with it ? Also, Ren wants to wear the big bow hairpiece that Sis had selected and gave to Ren yesterday.

" .... Ren .... ", begins Big Sis. She apologizes, saying that it was wrong of her to dress you as a girl yesterday. In fact, she is not going to help you, Ren, anymore with regard to dressing as and presenting as a girl. Let's just forget about yesterday. That is not ever going to happen again ! "No way ! I had so much fun .... I was the *real me* !", pleads Ren.

"REN!", continues Big Sis, "I mean .... you're .... ***You're a BOY !!! A 100% BOY ! You have to realize that !"***

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PRESENT TIME

And with that, confides Ren, sitting on the swing, Big Sis took away and hid all of the girl's clothes that she had bought for me. It wasn't until years later, when I became a teen/tween, that I began to secretly collect girl's items from the used clothing store, and begin to build up a collection of girl's outfits that I kept hidden, to secretly wear at home when no one else was around. One day, Big Sis came home unexpectedly, and caught me wearing a girl's blouse and jumper dress. She mildly scolded me, but seemed to be backhandedly sympathetic towards my actions. Later, Big Sis began to also secretly help me to dress as a girl at home when only she was there. She seemed to be conflicted about that, but at least did not stop me from doing so. It finally came to the point that I wanted to go out in public once again, like I did so long ago. That day I had snuck out, I had the time of my life as a cute, pretty girl. Gradually, both Big Sis, Dad, and Mom knew that I went back to dressing as a girl, but this time I would only get yelled at, but nothing more. When I entered middle school, I obtained the girl's school uniform, and began wearing it to school. There was a big fuss about that, but in the end, because I was so persistent, everyone, even Dad, more or less, eventually gave in, and signed off to let me attend school dressed as a girl, although with a lot of complaining on their part. Dad now seems to be okay with me, but Mom and Big Sis still complain and ridicule me a lot. But who cares ? Not me !

Kazuhiro remarks how selfish that was for others to deprive you of your transition and presentations of being a girl. Replying, Ren says that she has no intention of ever again giving up on dressing, presenting, and being a girl, even if her big sister, and other family members, get mad at her, or try to stop her. This because that day so long ago, when my older sibling and me were able to present as two actual, real, blood-related sisters out in public, I really had fun as my authentic self ! That experience was forever burned into my mind, heart, and soul as a fire-branding showing my correct female Gender Identity. So you can't ever forget that day, inquires Kazuhiro ? Yeah, that is part of it, but something is different now. It's true what Big Sis told me, and I finally understand. My feminine soft skin, my high-pitched girlish voice, my slim, attractive girl's figure, my long, slim legs, my delicate facial features, all that will morph into a guy's tough, manly looks and rugged features. All of my girlish features will disappear. With a serious and pathetic look on her face, Ren inquires---

"Given all that, will you, Kazuhiro, *still like me and want to be with me*, after all ?"

Quite taken aback, Kazuhiro stumbles and mutters, "Uh .... umm .... ah .... well .... that is .... er .... but .... ya know .... "

Ren only smiles, and remarks that she was only kidding. That is not something that she would say 'point-blank', after all. Were you surprised ? Yeah, what should I say to you about all that ? Confessing, Ren says that she knows all of that is likely to happen, and that she can't stop it. However, modern science and the latest medicine could help alleviate a lot of those problems. And with that, Ren says that she has to get home now, and says her "Bye, byes" !

That evening, at his home, in his bedroom, in bed, Kazuhiro has his mind spinning around like in a blender. Is Ren in love with his older sister, despite what that older sibling thinks about Ren transitioning to that of a girl ? Is that to be considered a normal sibling relationship ? Is Ren still going to honor my Love Confession to her ? Are we going to be able to continue to date ? Even though I know that Ren was born perceived as a boy, yet, it's not like I disliked it when we kissed. In fact, for me, that kiss was packed with pleasure and excitement. Seriously, I want to kiss her again ! I have to honestly admit that to myself. Plus, I still entertain and hold out the hope that when Ren goes through puberty, not much will change about her, and she will remain, for the most part, quite feminine and attractive. He pictures in his mind what Ren would look like when she turns 18, and becomes a legal adult ! She is laying on her bed, wearing a translucent white chiffon 'baby doll' style nightgown, and looking oh, so attracive and sexy.

If we were in a shoujo manga, I would describe our relationship and shipping like this---

Ren is a beautiful, royal, young Princess that has had, at her birth, a nasty, ugly spell of supposed manhood cast upon her by an maleviolent enigma. However, she was actually born a Princess, with a female Gender Identity, having an Iron Will, and an unbreakable Feminine Spirit. Those feminine attributes will resist the advancing thunderstorm of male puberty, while she continues fighting off the confiscation and takeover of her female personality. She has a complete battle arsenal at her disposal, to fight off the male invasion. A beautiful, ornate, sparkly, lovely princess dress that forms a barrier around her so that male clothing will never touch her slim, trim body. A shining sword that will cut down and chop to pieces such confusing, misleading, and blantedly false statements like, 'Your birth sex of maleness is immortal and immuteable', and 'you can't have drugs and medicine to help you transition'. Nutritious, healthful, fresh food, and sweet candy for desert, will keep her strength up, and prevent her from chowing down on guy's nasty fast food from MuckDonalds and the Hideous Burger-Maker King. Her gentle scent of perfume, as well as her sparkling and glittering makeup are like a hand-held shield, to ward off the offensive odor of boys and men who don't bother to bathe regularly, plus reek and stink of tobacco, weed, or high-octane gasoline.

The action that remove that vile spell of manhood placed upon her at birth will be a sacred, yet suductive kiss, by me, her Benevolent Prince, her Knight in Shining Armor ! Kazuhiro squeezes his pillow, and loudly proclaims that he will become Ren's Prince to awaken her to her fated girlhood, her destiny of all things feminine. However, Kazuhiro suddenly becomes distressed. He thinks back to when Ren asked him if he will remain with her as she goes through the minefield of male puberty ? He really did not answer her question at all. He vows to properly tell Ren tomorrow his true feelings toward her, and reassure her of his Love Confession and devotion to her ! But will his feelings get through to Ren, or will they be brushed off as insincere, like he seemed to imply earlier today by his stammering and gaffaws ?

(End Chapter 4)

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**(\*) Knowing the difference between genders at a young age**

Transgender youth are children or adolescents who do not identify with the sex they were assigned at birth. Because transgender youth are usually dependent on their parents for care, shelter, financial support, and other needs, transgender youth face different challenges compared to adults. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, *"by age four most children have a stable sense of their gender identity"* and "research substantiates that children who are prepubertal and assert [a transgender or gender diverse identity] ***know their gender as clearly and as consistently as their developmentally equivalent peers who identify as cisgender*** and benefit from the same level of social acceptance". A review published in 2022 found the majority of pre-pubertal children who socially transition persist in their identity in 5 to 7 year follow ups.

Family acceptance or lack thereof has a significant impact on the lives of transgender youth. It may be impossible to predict a parent's reaction to the news of their child's gender identity and the process can be fraught for many transgender youths. In some cases, parents will react negatively to such news, and may disown the child.

From Wikipedia, *Transgender Youth*

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Click on Chapter 5: Bye-Bye to be taken to the next chapter.