B007 The Lost Treasure of the Neverglades

Screenshot from the Live Stream

> "*The cruelty of that insult just made someone donate. Does anyone hear that? Someone was finally like 'Okay, I'm in.'*"
> ― Bryan Safi
>
>

**The Lost Treasure of the Neverglades** is a bonus episode of Queens of Adventure. It takes place in the same continuity as the main show, however it features an entirely new cast of queer people playing a game in a separate part of the world. It was originally a live stream as part of a charity fundraiser in November 2017, and was later released as a bonus episode of Queens of Adventure in January 2019.

## Synopsis

### The Boat

A small boat cuts through the waters of the Neverglades swamp. A party of four ride along with Captain Hepburn. She begins to question the group about how they come to be here.

Perigrindr Shook is a wizard from the College of Wizardry, seeking a treasure for his studies, guided by a letter from a colleague. Agrias Lunnette joined in response to guidance to her god, Helm. She thinks they'll need her help. Grady Reineke, a ranger, with a pet fox Vidor, was hired to protect the others. Charismo Collins, wrapped in seven scarves, is a well known noble, and is the one funding the expedition.

The Captain tosses meat into the water, and something in it thrashes and worries the famous noble/actor will get his shoes wet. Charismo says he brought eighty-three pairs of shoes. Turning to Agrias, Captain Hepburn asks for help with a rash she got from a colleague or an alligator. The cleric investigates it, recognizing it as a reptile born infection, and casts *healing hands.* Perigrindr uses *minor conjuration* to create a cup of coffee (almond milk) for the Captain.

As the swamp gets darker, the Captain asks Charismo for a song, which he sings while changing his shoes. A bird lands on his finger and sings along. Agrias and Perigrindr cry, while Grady is unphased.

Noticing they are coming closer to the accursed fog, the Captain asks Grady to look ahead. The ranger sees a shadow heading for their boat. An enormous albino alligator rises up and slams against the boat. Agrias tumbles into the water. Grady, holding onto Vidor, throws a rope to Agrias. Everyone debates how to help Agrias, while the cleric just climbs into the boat herself. Charismo uses *animal friendship* to charm the alligator with a story of his time playing an albino alligator. It follows them until the Captain pulls the boat up on a muddy embankment. She gives Grady a basket with healing potions, bug repellent, and a copy of her autobiography. Grady gives one potion each to the wizard and bard, guessing they'll need them. The boat sails away.

#### The Path

While Vidor runs ahead, Grady leads them into the swamp. Perigrindr follows, casting *dancing lights* with a citronella scent to ward off bugs. Charismo goes next, seeking the proper lighting, and Agrias takes the back of the group.

Perigrindr reviews his research outloud to the others on the temple they are seeking. It once belonged to a cult who amassed a fortune from their followers, but none have seen them in centuries. They were dedicated to a being from another plane called Cal-gon. He asks the others why they are coming along. Charismo, whose scarves keep distracting Agrias, says he was just bored, but hopes he can meet the cult because they both appreciate wealth.

As the fog thickens, the party finds their minds clouded and confused. To shock herself alert, Grady splashes water on her face. Perigrindr sends the dancing lights zooming down the path to illuminate things better. Taking off his fedora, Charismo reveals slippers. Putting them on, he does a backflip into a handstand to wake up. Overwhelmed by the beauty, Agrias tries to mimic this and fails.

The group realizes suddenly they are surrounded by spotted jungle cats, with one large one sitting on a tree stump nearby. The ranger draws a sword as Perigrindr conjures a large saucer of milk. The cats swarm it, lapping it up. Once consumed, the other cats run away. The large one clears a spit in the bushes where a moss covered skeleton in adventuring gear lies. Agrias investigates, and finds an elvish message: "Temple of Cal-gon. New initiates... hidden path... vault" and in runes "Seekers call out to me and I will grant you succor." She tells the group that and hands the note to Perigrindr. The halfling calls out to Cal-gon, with no response. As Charismo takes the skull, Perigrindr and Agrias repair a telescope. Once done, the ranger shimmies up a tree to look around, spying the top of a pyramid with a stone eye atop it. The fog and the purple motes in the jungle emanate from the eye. It is maybe an hour away

To combat the effect of the fog, Charismo hands out some scarves, which the party wraps around their faces. They continue on.

Around a bend, they see the large cat appears again briefly but vanishes. The other cats push some rocks into the path, revealing a patch of quicksand. Using *Tenser's floating disk,* Perigrindr ferries the group across.

They come to a gorge with a rickety bridge over it. Vines droop overhead, and a river rushes below. Charismo grabs the vines with his legs like a trapeze, and beings to swing his companions over. Agrias, concerned with her weight, doesn't love the idea. Charismo sings a song, which dredges up heartfelt memories in the paladin as she is carried across the gorge.

Continuing, they find a clearing in front of the pyramid temple. No fog surrounds the temple. The clearing has wooden planks running over murky water leading to a stone stair case to the stone door of the temple. Grady knots a rope to each member of the party (holding Perigrindr aloft) so they don't get separated as they cross.

#### The Temple Door

The academic halfling, illuminated by his dancing lights to inspect the door (But he stops, and the group sings a song to celebrate the livestream hitting its fundraising goal). The vines shudder, and begin to walk towards the party in a humanoid form. It swings at Perigrindr but misses thanks to Charismo using *cutting words*. He follows his verbal assault with *vicious mockery* about its body. As Vidor runs off, a hunter's mark appears on the shambling mound from Grady, who slices at the vines with a short sword.

Perigrindr runs around, using the rope tying the party together to wrap the rope around the vine creature's legs before casting *fireball* on it. Vidor bites the monster.

Agrias removes the scarf from her mouth, gestures repeatedly, and *commands* the monster to 'Smash' the door. It complies, opening it, before returning to try and grapple Agrias. It drags the paladin up the pyramid. Charismo tries to cast both *dissident whispers* and *Tasha's Hideous Laughter* so that it laughs while receiving pain. The creature falls to pieces, releasing Agrias, as Charismo turns to the others and says, "And that's comedy."

#### Inside the Temple

The group heads to the door, Perigrindr looking sadly at the monster's remains as his lights head down the tunnel. They illuminate solid black cats, staring motionless inside. Grady can see they are hungry, calm, and interested in the group.

As Perigrindr feeds them conjured milk, not super interested, Grady gives some of the raw meat from the boat and shows the map to the cats. One of the felines bounds down the tunnel.

They reach a chamber with seven doors, and four muscular sculptures hold up the ceiling. A tan woman in turquoise jewelry sits behind a desk, holding a glass of wine. She asks them if they are here to join the cult. Charismo says they are only here to learn and earn the trust of all. She is excited to try and help them join, suggesting the can get eternal life. But there are a few tests to make sure they are a good fit.

#### The Tests

The group takes the self-defense test first. It is a large dim room. There's a pit in the middle with a seaweed mud pit. As Agrias investigates the mud, it rises up into a mud golem. Perigrindr is on its back as the battle begins, and the halfling covers its eyes. It hits Perigrindr with its fists. Grady moves her hunter's mark to the golem and fires a bow at it, as the halfling creates webbing over its arms. Charismo uses *vicious mockery* again, while the fox attacks, and the golem falls over. After failing to mock the creature, Agrias swings her sword using *divine smite* due to embarrassment. It sends shock waves of damage through the golem, who collapses. She then uses *helping hands* to heal Perigrindr.

They head to the next test. Physical Fitness. Carolyn the secretary guides them to another room with various contraptions. There is a wheel with glowing numbered blocks beside. Three treasure chests sit near a giant nose dripping with slime mounted on the wall. A ramp, covered in swamp scum with a spiral chute on either side. She explains they have to collect a flag from each, one at a time, within a minute. Grady hops on the giant metal wheel and casts *minor illusion* to make meat appear hanging nearby so her fox runs too. The numbers light up and a flag appears. While Agrias uses d*etect magic,* Perigrindr holds the second hand of the clock in place with *mage hand*. Charismo's singing bolsters Agrias's spirits as she sees magic in the third chest. He pulls out a kitten with a flag in its clutches.

Perigrindr dives into the nose and emerges covered in green slime with a flag. The group gathers around the ramps and slides. Charismo gathers all the scarves, fills his pockets with jewels, and climbs the slide shouting "Acting is Reacting!" He collapsed down once he gets the flag, and slowly slides down the other slide.

In the test of compatibility, Caroyln splits the group in half. Agrias and Charismo and Perigrindr and Grady. She escorts them to seats on opposite sides of a pyramid shaped altar. Charismo and Grady must get their pairs to guess a list of clues. Charismo and Agrias manage it in time, the others do not.

The group is taken to the final test and placed on a pedestal with spotlights. They must each perform their inner talent. Unveiling himself, Charismo has a gown of ribbons and does pirouettes while singing. In the middle he breaks into a dramatic monologue. With Vidor's help, Agrias wraps herself with rope. While bound she casts *minor restoration* to free herself from grapple and shouts, "The Aristocrats!" but faceplants. Perigrindr gives a lecture on orc oppression and elf privilege, and its perfectly fine. To finish their test, Grady begrudgingly dances with her fox, in an act they've clearly had planned for ages.

Carolyn announces the test results. Charismo is declared an Autumn. He comments and takes her wine and drinks it, not realizing that it auto refills. She takes it back and looks at Perigrindr and declares him a Miranda. Grady is a Hufflepuff, while Vidor is Slytherin. Lastly, Agrias is a Libra, to the paladin's joy. She then announces they have all been welcomed into the cult, and offers them a tour. Before they leave, Agrias asks if they are going to be turned into cats. She laughs off the notion, nervously.

Returning to the front room, Carolyn opens another locked door which leads them down a hall to a large golden door. She explains they need to make a sacrifice to Cal-gon. With a grunt, she shoves open the vault door. Inside is a massive chamber of glittering treasure. She tells them to leave something of value, but then remembering she needs to get them robes, she runs out, leaving them there.

#### The Vault

Perigrindr wants to find a relic to the Cal-gon religion, as this last step has him more curious. He finds a golden bathtub, complete with golden soap suds, surrounded by pillars. Various figures of misery surround it, but inside the tub is a woman holding a bar of soap with a skull carved into it. The scholar steals the golden soap bar.

In a wardrobe, Agrias finds a scarf embroidered with snakes. Having loved wearing Charismo's scarf earlier she contemplates taking it, but her *divine sense* show there is an undead glow all over the vault. She declines taking the scarf and tries to warn Perigrindr, who has placed the bag of sand he has in place. Having realized he left his on the boat, Charismo looks for a lighter and finds a golden dragon that can eject a flame and takes it. Grady wants to find the love and validation of her father, but settles for this golden motorcycle with a side car (complete with fox sized aviator glasses). She sends Vidor out to listen, and hears snoring.

Agrias leaves Captain Hepburn's autobiography, Charismo leaves some shoes, and Grady leaves a magical illusion of money. A rumbling sound comes from deep in the temple. They all climb a top the bike and head for the door. A spectral form appears in the center of the room: A muscular man in skin tight purple robes and a skull for a face. "Some have left sacrifices but we have burglars!" He says someone has stolen his phylactery.

#### Escape

The group feels a tingle, and all but Grady transform into cats (the scarves remaining), as the temple begins to sink. Grady gathers the cats into the sidecar and guns it, beginning to instruct the others as she drives. She asks them to inspect the idol they stole. Agrias, who failed to be able to use healing hand on herself, casts *detect magic* on the soap. She finds a phrase and says it: "Cal-gon take me away?" A blast of energy propels the bike forward, past the secretary's desk, and they fly out the door of the temple into the clearing. Behind them, the temple sinks below the water.

The fog has cleared and the sun is shining. A last air bubble from the temple brings gold and jewels to the surface. As they fill the sidecar with jewels, the albino alligator returns to help. It accompanies them as they head back through the jungle to the dock where they left Captain Hepburn.

There are many adventures ahead, and possibly a chance to be free of the cat spell, though many of them are uncertain they want to...

#### Party

* Agrias Lunnette - aasimar paladin - Carlos Maza
* Charismo Collins - half-elf bard - Bryan Safi
* Grady Reineke - human ranger - Bryan Wuest
	+ Vidor - fox familiar
* Perigrindr Shook - halfling wizard - Anthony Oliveira

#### NPCs

* Captain Hepburn - human
* Cats in the Jungle
* Carolyn, Cult Secretary
* Cal-Gon

#### Monsters/Enemies

* Albino Alligator
* Vine Monster
* Mud Golem

#### Live-Stream Roles

* DM Matt
* Judge James

## Episode Notes

### Lore

* An ancient cult to the god Cal-Gon amassed great wealth in exchange for immortality. That immortality took the form of cat transformations.

### Inspiration Earned

* Perigrindr - Thinking to use Tenser's Floating Disk
* Charismo - Using vines like a trapeze
* Charismo - mimics the swamp creature
* Perigrindr - Wrapping a vine monster in ropes
* Perigrindr - webbing up golem
* Grady - dancing with Vidor

### Memorable Quotes

* "When do I go to hell? All I know is I'm supposed to go to hell for playing this." - Anthony Oliviera
* "As long as you don't need a coffee that's larger than three feet, I think I can do this." - Perigrindr Shook
* "So maybe I become friends with the beast but Agrias is still fucked?" - Charismo Collins
* "Ya know, I one time played an albino alligator. it was my first job and I got into character very, very well, and I understood the swamp and I understood what you were after, meat. So I get it." - Charismo Collins
* "Can I take the skull in case I want to perform Hamlet later?" - Charismo Collins
* "I've been reading a lot of... uh... Ayn Rand! Did she have a telescope?" - Perigrindr Shook
* "I'll do it! I'll be the butch lesbian of the group if we're doing Home Depot now." - Agrias Lunnette
* "We're like a walking Bed Bath and Beyond here, aren't we?" - Agrias Lunnette
* "I've played to an audience of three people before. I'm afraid of nothing!" - Charismo Collins
* "Cast your bondage spell." - Grady Reineke
* "The mud bath does not like the idea of a golden shower." - DM Matt
* "I saw an orifice and I'm going in!" - Perigrindr Shook
* "To be honest I'm a little disappointed only because I feel like autumn is a transition month and I feel like I bring heat and fire and extreme emotions. So autumn for me is a big disappointment. But I'm a professional, and I'll take the note and I'll live with it." - Charismo Collins
* "You mean taking this idol with a skull on it may have been a bad idea?" - Perigrindr Shook
* "Grady would wanna find the validation and love of her father, but if not would love to find an arcane tubular." - Grady Reineke
* "I got turned into a cat, but I got what I wanted, so I'll call that a win." - Perigrindr Shook

### References

* Tom Hanks
* Adams Family Movie
* The Lion in Winter - there will be pork in the treetops in the morning
* Cal-gon powder
* Hamlet
* Ayn Rand
* Bed, Bath, and Beyond
* Elizabeth Taylor
* Long Island Medium and Susi Orman
* President's Physical Fitness Challenge
* Sally Fields in Steel Magnolias
* The Aristocrats
* Family Guy
* Miranda and Charlotte from Sex and the City
* Hufflepuff and Slytherin
* Wendy Williams

### Name That Tune

* "Simply the Best" - Tina Turner
* "Memories" - from CATS
* "Magical Mr Mistoffelees" from CATS

## Behind the Queens

* This stream aired on Twitch in November, 2017 to help raise money for Extra Life Seattle. During the stream, viewers donated to charity. Progress to the over $3,000 goal was occasionally referenced throughout.
* This group would do two other live streams, continuing the story, in 2018. One titled "Tails of the Fey" the other "A Halloween House of Horrors". Neither of those have been released but are available on youtube.
* This story is self-contained but is considered in the canon of the Queens of Adventure universe, which had already begun having live shows when this aired. Charismo Collins would make a cameo appearance in Season 0, episode 5 "Tip of the Tops", and would be referenced by Augustus Crimweath in Season 1, Episode 5, "How to Win Friends and Intimidate People."
* Bryan Wuest would later guest on another bonus episode 11 "DnD Chat with Bryan Wuest".
* DM Matt rolled dice on behalf of Charismo and Perigrindr, as those two did not have dice.

**The Party**: Agrias Lunnette - Deven - Charismo Collins - Grady Reineke - Perigrindr Shook

**Greetings From Fire Island**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - **The Show Must Go On**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Operation Watersport**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6 - Ch7 - **Trials**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Ghosts of the Coast**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - **The Devil's Due**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Special**: The Story So Far
**The Beautiful Place**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6 - **A Dance in the Dark**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4
**Drama in the Deep**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6 - **Whispers From the Heart**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6
**Danger Rangers!**: Ch1 - Ch2 - Ch3 - Ch4 - Ch5 - Ch6
**Mist Connections**: Ch1 - Ch2
**Unreleased**
Lost: Camp Crystal Light - Pax West 2018 --  vs the Lizard People
Live Shows: Seattle Style -- Minneapolis Style