... said I'm sorry

**... said I'm sorry** is the tenth episode in Season 1 of the Netflix series, *Never Have I Ever*.

## Synopsis

*After unwelcome news sparks a fight with her mother, Devi seeks an escape. Mohan’s birthday brings an opportunity for closure — and for new beginnings.*

## Plot

Devi moves out of her house and finds an unexpected ally in Ben, leaving Nalini and Kamala alone. Fab and Eleanor are still on a “friendship break” from Devi, still hurt by the ways she didn’t show up for them when they needed her most.

Despite their kiss, Paxton is pulling away from Devi. Everything starts off in disarray and things are gradually pieced things together, repairing some relationships and making way for new ones.

On the surface, Devi’s life at Ben’s looks pretty ideal. He has a big house and pool, and she has a room to herself. Kamala brings her some stuff at school and tries to get her to come home, but Devi remains firm. She won’t return home unless Nalini promises not to move them to India. She even asks Ben’s dad for help with emancipating herself, which is of course a ridiculous request since she doesn’t have a job or even know how credit cards work. Ben realizes how serious the whole situation is when Devi’s little run-away-from-home stint starts to look more permanent.

She goes so far as to call up Rebecca and try to get a job at Old Navy, which prompts a sweet scene between Rebecca and Paxton. His sister fully calls him out for being a douche when he suggests that he can’t be with Devi because she isn’t cool enough but buried beneath that, there’s also his insecurity about what her mother said about his intelligence the last episode.

Nalini has an emotional breakthrough when she visits Dr. Ryan, her initial resistance to therapy eventually relenting. Dr. Ryan gently suggests that moving a kid across the globe isn’t exactly good for grieving, and Nalini shares that Devi said she wished she was dead. But she softens, lets down her guard a bit, and admits that she knows she’s tough on Devi but that it comes from a place of fear. She was the tough parent, but now that Mohan is gone, that means all Devi gets is the tough parent, which isn’t fair to anyone involved and just creates more tension. Dr. Ryan encourages her to let Devi see her break a little. Devi needs to see her mother’s weakness in order to embrace her own. Maybe she wouldn’t be so in denial and quick to deflect if she had permission to break down, and Nalini letting down her strong facade would do just that. Nalini reaching for a ceramic vase on Dr. Ryan’s table and fiddling with it as she reveals that Mohan’s birthday is the next day.

Nalini having to awkwardly explain that Mohan passed away to her realtor when she calls her up to tell her she’s thinking about putting the house on the market also evokes a specific side of losing a loved one: Nalini and Devi constantly have to relive their trauma by having to explain the loss to others. Memories of Mohan crop up all the time for Devi and Nalini, and they’re not necessarily wholly sad or wholly happy; they’re both at once. Nalini remembers buying the house with Mohan and how thrilled he was. Devi, meanwhile, is just casually scrolling through Instagram when her phone gives her a memory notification for her dad’s birthday with photos and videos from the year before.

Nalini makes an initial attempt to reach out to Devi, showing up at Ben’s house and saying she doesn’t want to fight anymore. She’s still initially stern with Devi, and Devi shuts down a bit because of that. Nalini says she wants to spread Mohan’s ashes on his birthday, but it prompts a bad flashback for Devi to the day he died. She tells her that she and Kamala will leave for Malibu at five if Devi wants to join.

Devi does not want to join. She’s quick to anger and slow to apologize. She sees her mom’s attempt at getting her to spread the ashes as emotional manipulation. There’s more to her hesitation, she isn’t ready to say goodbye to Mohan yet.

Ben has to tap in some backup, reaching out to Eleanor and Fab. Even though Devi wasn’t there for them, they end up showing up for her, because they’re good friends and they know how much Devi will regret it if she doesn’t go to Malibu. Master deflector Devi uses it as an opportunity to address Eleanor’s recent personality change and get her to reconsider her acting dreams. She even apologizes to them. It’s meaningful and genuine, but it’s also yet another attempt by Devi to avoid her own problems. Still, with things mended with Fab and Eleanor, they urge her to go. “I’m not ready,” Devi says through tears, but Eleanor and Fab convince her of her own strength.

Ben volunteers to get Devi to the house, but he drives terribly and slowly in his father’s Porsche, so they miss Kamala and Nalini. Then he offers to drive her all the way to Malibu. She gets there with no time to spare, and she tries to call out to them on the beach, but they can’t hear her shouting.

So, John McEnroe shows up. She explains to him the situation, and he uses his signature McEnroe yell to get Kamala and Nalini’s attention. Devi and McEnroe manage to get her family's attention eventually.

Devi and her mother apologize to each other. They both know they said hurtful things, and they both love each other despite any of it. Nalini finally does have her breakdown and admits that she herself sometimes wishes she had died.

Devi winds up kissing Ben in the car while Paxton tries to call her.

## Cast

### Starring

* Maitreyi Ramakrishnan as Devi Vishwakumar
* Richa Shukla as Kamala Nandiawadal
* Jaren Lewison as Ben Gross
* Darren Barnet as Paxton Hall-Yoshida
* John McEnroe as Narrator
* Poorna Jagannathan as Nalini Vishwakumar

### Guest Starring

* Ramona Young as Eleanor Wong
* Lee Rodriguez as Fabiola Torres
* Sendhil Ramamurthy as Mohan Vishwakumar
* Niecy Nash as Dr. Jamie Ryan
* Cocoa Brown as Principal Grubbs
* Lily D. Moore as Rebecca Hall-Yoshida
* Michael Badalucco as Howard Gross
* Angela Kinsey as Vivian Gross
* Ruth Williamson as Arlene Stringer

### Co-Starring

* Martin Martinez as Oliver Martinez
* Mark Collier as Andy
* Benjamin Norris as Trent Harrison
* Royal Patel as Six-Year-Old Devi
* Christina Kartchner as Eve Hjelm
* Jack Seavor McDonald as Eric Perkins
* Donna Pieroni as Patty Shevchenko