If Asians Had A Rap Battle

Battle**Gallery****Rap Meanings**
**If Asians Had A Rap Battle** is a musical sketch comedy in the Genie series. In this sketch, Genie and Ding Dong makes a rap battle when they decided to fight the "Black people way".

## Plot

The sketch starts with Genie and his girlfriend Genieffer trying to decide on where should they eat, when he notices that Ding Dong is looking at her. Angering him, Genie wants to fight him physically but Ding Dong says that they should fight the "Black people way" by rap battling each other.

At the end of the battle, Genieffer tries to join the battle as a third-party, but Genie and Ding Dong, who appeared to befriend each other dismisses her as he finds her a total embarrassment to both him and the battle. The sketch then ends with Genieffer taking off her wig, revealing that she was a man the whole time.

### Lyrics

[**Note:** *Genie is in pink and Ding Dong is in grey.*]

I broke up with my girlfriend, I had to move on,

She was too expensive, so I got with your mom!

She liked my egg roll, and she called me "Big Dong",

But she felt so cheap, she was like a coupon!

I'll destroy both of you with my superior knowledge,

I went to Harvard; you went to community college!

You can't compare to me, I have made a fortune,

My parents are proud of me; you were a failed abortion!

Your parents are proud of you? Well, that's a shocker.

You broke your father's heart for not becoming a doctor.

I play on Asian Mode, while you play on Rookie,

The only fortune you've made is a fortune cookie!

And you didn't go to Harvard, what a long list of lies.

UCan'tCLA with your non-existent eyes!

No one calls you Big Dong, and you need to realize,

You're a stupid Ching Chong who's also short in size!

The only thing short about me is my battle with you.

I can end this quick, beat you with belt and shoes!

I drop nukes in this battle, you can call me Japan.

I can end this punch, I am forever Jackie Chan!

My future is so bright, you will never get far,

I made it on my own without a single green card!

You think you are a star? You're dumb like Patrick Star!

I put A in Asian, you get B on report card!

I'll make your whole career sink while mine stays afloat.

You're focking outfit stinks, while I'm Fresh Prince off the boat.

Man, you're not fresh at all, take some fashion advice.

Ima burn you so hard, they'll call you "fried rice".

I'm the cook in this battle, she's the cook in my kitchen,

The only kung fu you know is some kung pao chicken!

You get beat up by your father, how the hell are you alive?

If I'm Patrick, you're SpongeBob: You're yellow and can't drive!

All you are is book smart, all you do is lack sense,

I can't understand your Ching Chong accent!

You seem bitter in your life, tryna ruin our day.

You can't make out with girls or make it out the driveway!

You have one road in your life: that's a low-paying job.

A single life forever, at home eating dogs.

I am the world's greatest rapper you have ever seen!

I spit shit so sick, they call me "COVID-19"!

You fail at anything, in any academic,

I'll end your career just like the global pandemic!

You think you can beat me? You are better off dead.

You had a more of a chance, going to Harvard instead!

You thought this battle's close? When it really wasn't.

You're a failure compared to every one of your cousins!

Every word of mine stings, even with my accent,

I live deep in your head and I don't even pay rent!

I put up numbers every day, call me a cockulator.

I'll send you to the Jesus when you're looking for a prayer.

## Trivia

* This sketch comedy is a homage to musical web series Epic Rap Battles of History and reminiscent of Genie's high school rap battles seen in his older videos.