John McMoney Jr.

(shoves you in a locker)

### Relatives

Bentoboxingglove and Shart (parents)**McMoney Family**: Batsu, Wallis, Scunt, Miles, Ronan (formerly)

### Affiliation

McMoney FamilyCool Kids

Definitely-Not-Shady Company

### Occupation

De facto CEO of Definitely-Not-Shady Company

## Biographical information

### Date of birth

Picked June 9th (real birthday: May 15th)

## Appearances

### Portrayed by

John "J." Leaf and Stock Photo guy of whom I cannot find the name. Original photograph by Tracy Whiteside.

> "Shut up! My family runs the Definitely-Not-Shady Co. and can get your entire neighborhood addicted to crack!"
>
>

> - John McMoney Jr.
>
>

**John McAfee McCain McMoney Jr.** is a 17-year-old human and little shit. He's extremely loyal to the McMoney Family and the anti-political pro-chaos organization Cool Kids. He helps the McMoneys run their company. He resides in Coolertopia where he lives in the McMansion.

## Personality

John is hot-headed and feisty, ready to jump at any opportunity to shove people into lockers. The concept of politics irritates him immensely, and thus he loathes The Whore Syndicate. He describes himself as "sigma male" and is always on that grind. His close friend and stepbrother Batsu tends to leave the responsibilities of social climbing and the Definitely-Not-Shady Company to him. He listens exclusively to female rappers.

## History

John, like all McMoneys, was born an orphan before becoming part of the McMoneys for reasons unknown. He doesn't know his biological parents or have any memories before the age of 10, but he's "pretty sure" he's of Coolertopian descent. He has no desire to meet his parents.

Unbeknownst to him, his parents, Bentoboxingglove and Shart, died fighting in the Sociopathy Wiki War on the side of the 🦀Cancer Truthers🦀. When John turned out to be a Taurus—the ideology of their enemies, the Pee Pee Supremacists—they shipped him to modern day Coolertopia. The two died in battle soon after. When Tnaky "Tita" Sexdungeon sent Bob Purić to seduce and kill all the McMoney's parents, Purić ended up killing a stranger's parents, assuming they were John's.

For months, he suspected his stepbrother Ronan Sexdungeon to be aligning himself with the political nerds of Coolertopia. John was able to catch Ronan working with the Whore Syndicate. In secret, he pushed Ronan down the McMoney wine cellar in an attempt to immobilize him. John broke Ronan's legs, but Ronan was still able to run away and join the Sexdungeon Family, causing great shame for the McMoney family. The McMoneys have since disowned Ronan.

At Skylar's and Wallis's wedding, he took the role of the flower girl.

## Relationships

### Ex-Girlfriend

When John was 16, he began dating a woman. However, when John began focusing more on the Definitely-Not-Shady Company, his girlfriend complained about him not giving her enough attention. They bashed heads for some time before John decided to dump her. John is now a sigma male; he disregards woman as he believes they get in the way of his grindset.

### Batsu

B. McMoney "Breedable" Patriarch is one of John's closest friends. John treats him, much like the rest of the McMoneys, as his sibling. Although John occasionally gets annoyed at Batsu not treating his duties with professionalism. John is his right-hand man when it comes to running the Cool Kids.

### Ronan Sexdungeon

Since the wine cellar incident, John considers Ronan to be the scum of the earth and whenever anything goes wrong, no matter the context, he tends to blame Ronan. "Dammit Ronan!"

His public image has shifted from "respectful guy of the McMoney family" to "the guy who tried to break his stepbrother's legs" (sometimes changed to "tried to murder his stepbrother" by sensationalist newspapers, which John denies). John's been trying to scrub his public image since. Though he misses the days when he could shove Ronan in lockers.

### Wallis Sexdungeon McMoney jr.

Being the two eldest of the McMoneys, they are close. They often have a day out with the lads down by the candy parlour. John's pompous and hot-headed demeanor bounces off Wallis's laid-back attitude. The two often indulge in carpool karaoke. John once aided Wallis in credit card fraud.

## Quotes

* *"I am rubber and you are glue, and your mom's a hoe."*

## Trivia

* Would fistfight Commie Centricide if the opportunity arose and does not understand why people find him attractive.
	+ However, he is favorable of Ancap Centricide.
* Says he hates Ronan Sexdungeon but Ronan lives in his head rent-free.
* The McMoneys' token cishet.
* He is a Chrisfin.
* Tybalt Capulet kin

## Gallery

Fullbody of JohnFullbody of John (no hips)John in casual dressJohn when he does it to emThey laugh at me because I'm emo / I killed my girlfriend, that's why I'm singleJohn with his ex-girlfriend complaining about him being on the grind. This is what pushed John to become a sigma male.