The Golden Age of the Happy Turtles

The Golden age of the Happy Turtles occurred in the years 2013 and 2014. These are often referred to as the 'glory days' as Happy Turtles membership was at its peak before the supreme leader of the group disbanded the Happy Turtles. Then the dark ages began, a time of terror and uncertainty for the former Happy Turtles before Festdidgea was founded by its former members and the Festdidgean age began.

## Formation

The Happy Turtles were formed whilst the soon to be members were camping deep in the mountains far from their homes. A Wilderness instructor taught them many things about life and in honor of their mentor the Happy Turtles named themselves after one of his fondest sayings about how a right-side up helmet is a 'Happy Turtle.'

## Membership

At its formation the Happy Turtles had 5 members and 4 immigrants who joined in some of the Happy Turtles general activities but were not a part of their inner circle and secret information page. Over time membership numbers swelled to 7 members and 3 immigrants and this was the prime time of the Golden age.

## Activity

The Members of the Happy Turtles engaged in certain traditional activities including a game of brandy which was first played with a disused drinking straw. This slightly terrifying game intensified and became out of control when the straw landed in a pile of fecal matter one particular member thought it was a good idea to force the straw into the mouth of a demon child. The game involved tagging someone it with the diseased straw before proceeding to run away screaming. The person who was last it after the bell tolled and the rest had made it to or across the safe zone was in possession of the straw and became an outcast until the next break when the game recommenced.

The rules and location of this game were modified or changed many times as the Happy Turtles gained a poor reputation with the local authorities. Some of the slightly disturbing stories cannot be released in this article.

## Ladyman's Reign of Terror

For a time a certain child possessed by a demon viciously attacked the Happy Turtles with help from his girlfriend and his gang of other possessed children. The generally helpless Happy Turtles who were mostly gentle and peaceful people were attacked and raped by the gang. The Happy Turtles came out of these confrontations for the worst and the children were not prosecuted because they were too young and "*it's not rape if you enjoy it."*

## The Golden Golden Age

The most golden time of the golden age was when one of the Festdidgeans (which particular one is still disputed to this day), found a green spherical object inside a sports shed. This became known as the green ball and the Festdidgeans enjoyed their new game of less terrifying brandy with newfound joy. Soon after an albino ball was also recovered. Some new rules and locations were introduced to the game including 'Sacrifice,' where players would choose someone to hold to the ground and terrorize until the ball was recovered and they were made it.

Eventually the green ball was lost in Vietnam, by a Happy Turtle called Declan, who after became suicidal and tried to hang himself before moving to Queensland. The white ball was lost by an immigrant Happy Turtle who threw the ball onto the roof of the Kings Baptist sports worship center where the Festdidegans would never journey due to their acute fear of sports. A new item was found to replace the green ball, it was a roll of masking tape specially blessed by the leader of the Happy Turtles. After a time this was too lost and it was soon replaced by numerous other items included the treasured slinky. There are still violent disputes in Festdidgea over who exactly was responsible for breaking the slinky

At this time members of the Happy Turtles founded the secret page and also began holding secret government meetings where an special identification badge was required to gain access.

The number Happy Turtles decreased to six after one of the members was allegedly wearing tampons and became so upset he was forced to leave. It was later found that he didn't wear tampons just that the leader of the Happy Turtles was an asshole. Several other disputes which are too sensitive to mention in this article threatened to disband the Happy Turtles throughout this time but the group stayed together for a time longer.

## Location

Over the years the Happy Turtles held their special events and meetings mainly at the KBGS oval, the trenches and the land which was soon to become Festdidgea, but for a time in 2013 the events were held in Vietnam until clashes with Vietnamese authorities forced the Happy Turtles to return to the oval where they stayed until they disbanded.

## End of the Age and Disbandment

In early 2015 the leader of the Happy Turtles said *'This is stupid,'* and relinquished his leadership over the Happy Turtles. The other confused and dejected Happy Turtles were slowly forced to accept these events and now the Happy Turtles lay dormant but *The Spirit Carries On* with the inhabitants of Festdidgea.