From: Dazzling Blaze Into Glory

**Title:**

The last paragraphs of the 15th chapter

Tianying’s voice kept hitching as he spoke; his perfect posture had broken, his back hunched and miserable. There was just no need for him to suffer like that; Yuchen needed to do something about it right away. He took a step forward again and put his hand flat between Tianying’s shoulder blades, over his spine.

“Tianying,” Yuchen said as gently as he knew how trying to ignore the way his own voice sounded thick and rough. “Why don’t you stop telling me how I feel and try asking me instead?”

“You…?” Fabric moved under his hand as Tianying turned. His expression seemed to have softened a little, and he managed a small, uncertain smile. “A-Chen, do you…? How do you feel about me?”

Yuchen huffed out some kind of twisted laugh. This was it. This was the fear he had to face. “I think… No, I *know*. I like you, Tianying. In that way. I really like you.” There, he’d said it. Or at least almost said it. He’d said it enough.

Tianying smiled and looked so beautiful doing so that Yuchen had to swallow a whimper. “My heart is singing with the fact that my zhiji likes me.”

“Your zhi–” Yuchen bit his lip hard, causing Tianying to reach out a finger and gently free it.

“You see me. You know me. You hear the song of my heart. I believe I do the same for you. There’s little doubt in my mind, A-Chen.”

If Tianying wasn’t his zhiji, Yuchen couldn’t imagine what one could be. There had never been anyone like Tianying before, not for him, but Tianying was another matter. “But your A-Fang?”

Tianying’s eyes flickered shut, and he bent his head. “A-Fang knew me all too well. He knew my weaknesses and shamelessly used them to his convenience. I began to doubt if I ever knew the real him. His mortal ambition ate everything inside him and left only a power-hungry whole that could never be filled. He wanted my power, not me. Our hearts were not aligned in any way even if once I’d fondly imagined that they were.”

“And ours are?” Yuchen said with a voice that felt strangled. “Truly are?” He bit his lip again, and once more Tianying, his eyes open again, reached out to free it, this time leaving his finger there, gently resting.

“Do you not think so?” Tianying asked.

Yuchen was tempted to kiss the resting finger, but he couldn’t quite feel certain enough that Tianying wanted that sort of contact. Instead, he tried to speak around it.

“I’m having problems discerning between truth and my wishful thinking,” he admitted.

Tianying’s gaze now apparently stuck to Yuchen’s lips as his fingertip stroked over them. It did seem to be answering Yuchen’s uncertainty about what Tianying wanted.

He caught Tianying’s hand by the wrist and stopped it from moving. “Can I kiss you?”

Tianying’s eyes blinked rapidly, and he looked down for a few moments before saying in heartfelt tones, “I’d like that very much, A-Chen.”

Raising his chin, Tianying licked his lips, and Yuchen focused hard on not letting himself remember that he didn’t know how to kiss a lover as he moved forward, tipped his head enough that their noses would avoid each other, and pressed their lips together.

Tianying’s lips were soft but not yielding. He was actively kissing Yuchen back, multiple gentle presses with his mouth slightly open. It felt odd… until it didn’t until something stirred inside Yuchen, and he wanted more. He made a small noise in his throat and put his hands on Tianying’s waist, tugging closer. This was real. This was really happening.

Then Tianying’s hands were in his hair, holding his head and controlling the angle they were kissing at. Yuchen found his mouth being teased open, and then the soft presses stopped as their lips seemed almost sealed together, almost moving as one, and it seemed so intimate, so… profane, to be kissing Tianying like this, Yuchen couldn’t help but moan into his mouth.

Suddenly, Yuchen was being moved, swept around by hands on his body. Before he’d even had a chance to protest, he felt one of the wooden pillars between the wall panels at his back, and Tianying was kissing him with an unrestrained passion that stole Yuchen’s coherence.

A hard, slippery tongue intruded into his mouth as Tianying’s body rocked firmly into his, and Yuchen thought his heart might beat out of his chest, it felt exciting and so right. He could hear their breath, loud in the quietness of his rooms, fast and heavy like they’d been running for li. Was this real? He was starting to feel like it couldn’t possibly be so.

Then Tianying’s hands moved, one returning to Yuchen’s face before slipping behind his neck, and the other moving down his front where it started tugging at his belt. Yuchen made a noise that was as much frustration as concern and finally ripped their mouths apart, tipping his head up as he heaved in a breath.

Tianying’s hands stopped moving. When Yuchen looked down again, he had to swallow down a laugh. “Now *that* is the face the others saw when you looked at me.”

Despite the rather wild look around his eyes, Tianying laughed and then buried his face in Yuchen’s shoulder. “I’m not sure how I’m going to face them after this.”

“You’ve got nothing to worry about,” Yuchen reassured him, moving a hand to stroke his hair. “They seem very invested in us.”

Tianying pressed close to Yuchen, and it felt good in that way that was rapidly becoming less confusing and more demanding. “Wang Yuan Yuan gave me a warning the other day, you know, about what would happen if I hurt you.”

“She did?” Yuchen had no idea how to react to that. Should he tell Yuan Yuan off, or be pleased by how much his sworn sister cared?

“She did. A-Chen…” Tianying pulled back enough to look at him. “Was I going too fast? I think my self-control doesn’t work that well anymore when I’m around you.”

Yuchen laughed a little breathlessly and tried to pretend he wasn’t blushing. “Yes and no,” he said. “In that, I want… well, a lot. At least, I think I do. But… Ah fuck. You must be at least somewhat aware of how inexperienced I am. That was my first-ever kiss. Of that kind.”

“It was?” Tianying raised a hand to cup Yuchen’s face again, staring into his eyes as if they were somehow going to explain the mystery he was puzzling over. “There’s something very wrong with a world that lets a man as remarkable as you go untouched for so long.”

Yuchen couldn’t help the disparaging snort he released. “Ignoring the fact that even approaching me takes more bravery than most seem to possess, I… wasn’t interested.”

“Not at all?” Tianying asked and then shook his head. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“It’s all right,” Yuchen said and stepped back, taking hold of Tianying’s hand. “I think I want you to know. Come and sit down with me.”

Instead of leading Tianying to his table, however, he pulled him further, through the door into his bedroom – he wanted to make it clear that his hesitation wasn’t a rejection. Moving the light green curtains aside, he sat down on the edge of the bed and tugged Tianying down beside him. Their thighs touched, and even through so many robes, Yuchen was acutely aware of it.

“What a beautiful bed,” Tianying said, looking around at all the carvings.

“Yeah, the craftsmen rather overdid it. I don’t think they realized just how few people would ever see it, and on that subject… Right. My non-existent love life.”

Tianying immediately turned back to him and collected his hands up in his own. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

“I know that.” Yuchen frowned. “Do… do you not want to hear?”

Tianying shook his head. “I want to hear anything you want to say, zhiji.”

Ah, that word again. It was terrifying really, how much he wanted it to be real.

“Before the Bronze Upheaval,” he started, “I once made a clumsy attempt to court someone who reminded me of my mother. It got no further than the gift of a poem, which was returned to me later when I–” He swallowed. “When I failed to be the person they expected me to be. That’s the entire sum of my love life to date.”

Tianying squeezed his hands. “Never anyone else even slightly?”

“Oh, I felt some vague attraction towards people as a teenager, not nearly enough to want to do anything. There was something wrong with me, I thought. Yuan Yuan’s erotica mostly left me cold. Then came duty and some trauma in the Zhiye River Fights, and for a very long time, I thought the Bronze Upheaval had taken away what little desire I did have. The... mechanical side of it returned eventually, but the interest never did. Until you, Tianying. Just you.”

“Just me,” Tianying echoed and smiled.

“You’re the only one I’ve ever felt anything like this for. I know you can’t say the same, and that’s all right. In fact, that’s a good thing as at least one of us will know what he’s doing in, well, here.” He snorted roughly, gesturing towards the bed. “If I’m the one you want now, nothing else matters to me.”

“A-Chen,” Tianying said, and the smile he gave Yuchen seemed wobbly and emotional. “It’s true I have cared deeply before, but I never once thought I’d met my zhiji before now. I should have realized what that meant ”

Yuchen closed his eyes. He could feel the fears and doubts starting to gather in his mind like resentful Diyu-Spirits. It just wasn’t possible that Tianying could feel this way. He was deluded… or cursed. They’d have sex, and Tianying would wake up in the morning horrified at what he’d done and said.

“A-Chen?” Tianying asked, sounding concerned, and Yuchen realized his expression was all wrong for someone who’d just heard such affirming words.

He tried to make a joke out of it. “Are you absolutely sure you didn’t walk through one of the delusion arrays?”

Tianying’s look was peeved.

“I’m certain. Why would you even–”

“How about curses? Should I check for one?”

“A-Chen!”

He looked down, rubbing his thumbs over Tianying’s fingers. “I’m never this lucky. Either it’s not real, or something fucking terrible is going to happen to split us apart.”

“It’s real, and terrible things are no more or less likely to happen just because we’ve admitted we care,” Tianying said firmly. “Come here.” He let go of Yuchen’s hands and moved closer still, putting an arm around Yuchen’s shoulders and pulling him as tightly to him as their positions would allow.

Yuchen twisted to be able to wrap his arms around him. “Just promise me something?” he asked, his face pressed against Tianying’s neck, lost in his hair. “Humour me and promise?”

“All right,” Tianying said, petting his hair. “What do you want to be promised?”

“Just this. Be gentle when you come to your senses.”

“A-Chen! I could–” Tianying shook his head, holding Yuchen’s shoulders and pushing him back a little. He looked more pissed off now. So much for humoring him. “You’re lucky I’m not a man easily offended! I am not deluded or otherwise confused. I’ve been feeling like this since we met at Zhiye River. Do you think I throw around words like ‘zhiji’ casually? I cherish my time with you. I want whatever I can have with you for as long as I can have it. I want to share my thoughts, my body, and my life with you as much as our duties allow it. What do I have to do or say to make you believe it?”

“Be patient with me, I suppose,” Yuchen said, reeling under the onslaught of so many astonishingly good words and feeling like an idiot, but still unable to find the dry land of certainty to hang onto. “Or ignore me. That’s a good option generally.”

“Never,” Tianying said with a frown. “Perhaps I need to show you, A-Chen. Perhaps I need to make it clear with my body if you won’t believe my words. Will you let me?”

*Probably*, Yuchen thought. “I don’t know,” he said. “Can you make me stop thinking?”

Tianying smiled a little wryly. “Will you let me try?”

“What do I do while you’re trying?”

“Well, you’ll have the option of doing nothing but feel what I give to you,” Tianying said as his hand moved down from Yuchen’s shoulders straight to where his belt was fastened. “But I know you too well to believe you’d find that a comfortable experience. My A-Chen always needs to be doing things.”

Yuchen nodded, looking a little nervously at Tianying’s hands. “It’s not in me to just take and not give back, but I will need some… education. What are you doing?”

“You can stop me at any time,” Tianying said as the belt fell to the bed. and he started unwrapping the sash. “You just need to say it, say ‘stop’.”

Yuchen... didn’t say stop, and Tianying smiled, tugging him up to his feet. “As to the matter of your education, my A-Chen must feel free to use me as his teacher in this.”

Yuchen rolled his eyes even as he rose. “You are calling me that a lot.”

Tianying paused his hands on the tie of Yuchen’s outer robe. “Is it not– I am yours; are you not mine?”

Yuchen stared at him uneasily and wished hard that they could stop talking and just get on with Tianying’s lessons, which he was increasingly eager to learn. He swallowed down an uncomfortable lump of some unpleasant emotion. “I’m yours, to the extent that a Grandmaster of a Clan can ever belong to someone else.” Wasn’t it far too soon to be talking about stuff like this? They’d only just admitted they liked each other. Wasn’t courtship a thing between two men?

Well, as he was seriously hoping to have some kind of sex in the next few hours, he guessed it wasn’t the *same* thing, anyway.

“Clan leadership normally lasts a lifetime,” Tianying said seriously, returning to undoing Yuchen’s robes. “It’s an honor and a responsibility and not to be dismissed, but together we could last a lot longer than that. Life after life we could have together. True zhiji can have that, the legends say.”

*Mowang.,* Yuchen thought. He was starting to remember some of the more outrageous tales told about the Mowang and their romantic interests. Yuchen always thought them a fancy of demon sympathizers or the delusion of romance authors with too much time on their hands. They said that Mowang loved like it was a kind of madness for them. They loved so deeply with such abandon, giving everything they were to their loved one and wanting everything from them in return. Yuchen didn’t know how to be loved like that.

He barely knew how to be loved at all. His sworn sister tried her best to teach him, and he’d tried so hard to love her back, constantly trying to show with actions what his throat would never let him say. He wasn’t completely without merit at loving others, but he’d never learned how to properly handle being loved in return.

If he gave into this, if he opened up and let Tianying love him the way he seemed to want to, he would never ever be able to let go of him again. If he lost Tianying – and one way or another he almost certainly would; he’d always known that – he would be hollowed out, nothing left of him worth keeping, a dead man walking far more than jiangshi. had ever been.

But it was too late now anyway, whether he admitted the depth of his feeling or not, it was there, it had happened, and he was doomed. That meant all that was left to do was enjoy the time he had left. The thought was... freeing.

“Or there’s dual cultivation,” Tianying continued, talking quite casually as he pushed the open robes off Yuchen’s shoulders. They slid to the floor, and Yuchen was suddenly wearing only his zhongku. again.

He refused to let himself cover his scars with his arms; true zhiji wouldn’t care about things as trivial as scars.

“Your core is already very well formed,” Tianying was saying. “A few years of dual cultivation and impossible things could become possible.” Tianying pressed forward and said in a low voice next to Yuchen’s ear. “A-Chen, do you want us to fuck each other into your immortality?”

A jolt of something powerful went through Yuchen, upon hearing that. It seemed that his body, at the very least, wanted that badly, and he had no way now of hiding that reaction. “Tianying,” he said raggedly, and it sounded like he was begging.

“Mm?” Tianying said, pulling back. He looked slowly down Yuchen’s body, and when he saw the tenting in Yuchen’s damp zhongku, his eyes widened and then shut tight, a tiny noise escaping his open mouth.

Yuchen found himself smiling. “If you want to do something about that, you need to be wearing far less clothing.”

“I’m not entirely sure why,” Tianying said, opening his eyes and reaching out a hand.

Yuchen stepped backward in a hurry, ignoring the complaints from his body about preventing the contact. “It’s a condition of the privilege of touching,” he said with a twist to his smile.

Tianying laughed, but his hands went to his own belt and sash and made quick work of them. Yuchen moved forward, unable to stop himself, and began undoing the ties of Tianying’s robes one by one. Tianying let him and started running his warm hands over Yuchen’s upper half.

“If you’re looking for something to do,” Yuchen said, finding the touch a bit too distracting, “you could take off your guan. I don’t think I dare. The way you fasten it seems to have your hair knotted right into it.”

Tianying laughed. “Oh, my A-Chen is a beautiful idiot, isn’t he?” While Yuchen bristled at that, Tianying reached down and grabbed his hands, pulling them away from Tianying’s robes and lifting them.

“Tianying?” Yuchen said uncertainly, and then his fingers were being pressed against Tianying’s forehead, where his third eye rested, inevitably touching the edges of it, the mythical expression of his power, and Yuchen drew in a sharp breath.

“Now maybe you’ll believe me,” Tianying said gently. “Take it off, the guan too.”

With fumbling fingers, Yuchen did what he was told, moving around Tianying’s body. He worked out how hair, ornaments, and guan connected and separated them carefully. Tianying’s hair fell loose and heavy like a bolt of black silk. Yuchen wanted to press his face into it, but Tianying turned to face him.

He’d undone all his robes, including his zhongyi., and in front of Yuchen, he pushed them from his shoulders and let them fall down.

Yuchen couldn’t breathe. He stared mindlessly at the body in front of him – at the smooth skin and muscles, the tight nipples, the unexpected scar over the lower ribs and the short line of dark hair that ran under the white zhongku to where a considerable boqi. lifted the cloth.

He felt Tianying take something from his hands, and then that astounding body was moving, getting further away, and that wouldn’t do. Yuchen released a noise of complaint and surged forward, grabbing an arm.

The noise of Tianying’s laughter made him look up, and meet the amused eyes. “Patience, A-Chen. Just a few moments to get things off the floor.”

“No,” Yuchen said, not letting go and instead pulling Tianying closer. He moved his free hand to slide behind Tianying’s neck and started to kiss him again.

Tianying barely resisted, a moment’s hesitation and then he was kissing back, his arms wrapping around Yuchen and pulling their bodies tight together.

The feel of skin on skin was almost more than Yuchen could bear. He dragged his hands down Tianying’s shoulders and back, feeling the undulation of powerful muscles, and then lower still to the waistband of Tianying’s zhongku. He hesitated there, but Tianying didn’t as suddenly Yuchen’s bottom was grabbed by two hands with fingers that dug in and held him rigid as Tianying thrust forward with his lower body.

As hardness collided with hardness, they both gasped, and Yuchen broke their mouths apart long enough to urge, “The bed. Tianying, the bed.”

Tianying nodded, and seeing as neither of them seemed to want to let go of the other, they shuffled the few steps together where Yuchen reluctantly let go. He got onto the bed and began to crawl across it with the aim of making space for Tianying, but his ankles were abruptly grabbed and pulled, and he ended up flat on his face on the beiwo..

“What the–” he started to complain, but then Tianying’s weight was on top of him, straddling, and hands were moving Yuchen’s hair to the side so that a mouth could kiss and nibble at his shoulders. The nibbles became bites, and the kisses started to involve sucking, and Yuchen had a sudden realization of what so many of those red marks his brother always seemed to sport these days actually were.

It hurt a little, but it made him grind into the bed below him in a way that should have been embarrassing, but he was really too lost already to even care, and anyway, Tianying was pressing against him from above, the mound of his boqi slotted into the parting of Yuchen’s buttocks, the two layers of thin cloth doing nothing to disguise its weight or heat.

It had no right feeling as unbearably exciting as it did. Yuchen wasn’t a complete innocent. He knew what two men did together; he’d been shown pictures. He even knew it was supposedly enjoyable. He’d always strongly doubted that assertion though, so why was he now acting like a cat in heat?

“Tianying,” he groaned, pushing up with his hips as Tianying pressed down. “Tianying, I need…”

“Not that, not yet. I have a lesson plan,” Tianying said with a breathless chuckle, and he slid to the side. Yuchen protested strongly, but then he was being rolled onto his back. Tianying promptly straddled him again, and now Yuchen’s own boqi had found a warm place to lodge.

“What’s the first lesson?” Yuchen asked, thrusting up as much as he could and rubbing.

“Not that either.” Tianying’s laugh was increasingly ragged, and he tipped his head back, his eyes closing.

“Fuck, you’re beautiful.” Yuchen reached out, stretching up, and drew a line with his fingertip from Tianying’s upturned chin, over his flexed neck and houjie., through the hollow between his collarbones and down, over his perfect chest as it rose and fell rapidly, following the breast bone to the middle dantian and still further, over his upper belly... only to meet the obstruction of the damn zhongku again. “Take these off.”

“Soon,” Tianying said. “Yours first, but before that, there’s something else I want to do. Give me your hand.”

Confused but happy enough to comply, Yuchen did so. He watched astonished and still dazed with arousal as Tianying touched his finger to his third eye. A xiao. manifested between them, beautiful in its simplicity. The instrument hummed with a deep but subtle power. Tianying took the instrument and put it into Yuchen’s outstretched hand.

Tianying smiled. Yuchen stared at the xiao in his hand. Was this a courting gift? No, not only, this meant something big, something important.

“It’s a promise and a notification,” Tianying said. “A promise to you that my heart is yours for our lifetimes, beyond if I have my way. A notification to others that you are… claimed.”

Yuchen rolled his eyes. “All my crowds of other suitors are going to be so upset.” He shook his head, running his other hand over the xiao and feeling something like wonder. “How strange it is that the only person who wants me happens to be the most desirable in the realms. Did I save up all my fate so I could claim the best?”

“A good investment?” Tianying asked with suspicious casualness as he shuffled backward on his knees, leaving Yuchen exposed again.

“If I truly get to keep you, the best fucking investment ever made,” Yuchen said very sincerely.

That won him a very pleased-looking smile as Tianying pulled at the tie on the side of Yuchen’s zhongku. “I’m yours, A-Chen. No matter what, even if separated by death, I will wait for you. We will join our wrists with red cord and drink the soup, knowing we’ll be with each other again.”

Yuchen wondered idly if his cheeks were as red as they felt. “When you say things like that, I have no idea what to say in return. Tianying, but I’m yours for as long as it's possible for me to be it.”

Tianying moved, and Yuchen rapidly found himself completely naked. He looked down his body and saw Tianying licking his lips, staring at Yuchen’s arousal, which had dimmed a little during the emotion of receiving his courting gift but was perking right up again at Tianying’s expression. He couldn’t help but thrust up a little in reaction. “I really hope I’m right in what Lesson Yi is,” he said, his voice rough.

“I’ve decided to combine Lessons Yi and Er,” Tianying told him, and his voice reflected the fixed and avid look on his face. “Lesson Yi was hands.” He wrapped a hand around Yuchen’s length, provoking an uncontrollable gasp to come from Yuchen, who thrust up hard into the grip. “Lesson Er will be mouths,” Tianying said as he began to move his fist.

Yuchen pulled in a shuddering breath; this was very different from the rare times he touched himself. “What am I meant to be doing while you do that?” he asked between clenched teeth, gripping at the beiwo, his fingers forming claws. “I thought we’d acknowledged I’m no good at just lying still and taking it.”

Tianying laughed. “A-Chen. Oh my A-Chen. If you think you can lie still with what I’m about to do to you, you can have no idea of what’s coming.”

“Me, by the sound of it,” Yuchen said, somehow managing a deadpan expression, and Tianying laughed, seemingly delighted.

“A lot more than once,” Tianying told him, and it sounded like a promise. He was clearly amused as he added, “After all, you want a comprehensive education, don’t you?”

…

## References

1. ↑ zhī jǐ - the one who knows me, often translated as soulmate.
2. ↑ mó wáng - demon king.
3. ↑ jiāng shī - a type of reanimated corpse.
4. ↑ zhōng kù - the pajama trouser-like underwear.
5. ↑ zhōng yī - the undershirt.
6. ↑ bó qǐ - erection.
7. ↑ bèi wō - quilt.
8. ↑ hóu jié - Adam's apple.
9. ↑ xiāo - a vertical end-blown flute.