Li Shu Fu Tai Wei Feng Juan Huang Xiang Dong

The Heavy Snowverse is Expanding

## Li Shu Fu Tai Wei Feng Juan Huang Xiang Dong

### Aliases

* Big Dong Juan
* Emilio Ramirez (his real bitchass name pre truck isekai)
* Lord of Heaven and Earth
* Great Fighting Dragon Sage

### Relatives

* Heavy Snow (Oath Brother and gay love interest when they're totally joking on Discord)
* Unamed Discord Kitten #1
* Unamed Discord Kitten #2
* Unamed Discord Kitten #3
* Unamed Discord Kitten #4
* Kai
* Rikka
* Snoflayke (legally his husband after a drunken night out, the divorce papers keep disappearing)

## Character information in world

### Afiliation

* Chinese Communist Party
* Generic Sounding Cultivator Sect™
* Team Heavy Snow
* His Discord Server

### Occupation

* 9th Level Heavenly Dao Dragon Seed Min/Max Cultivator
* Bullshit Xianxia Protagonist

## Physical description

### Species

* Immortal
* Reincarnated Neckbeard

### Gender

Venerable Golden Star Lord in Heaven Excellency

### Height

* 5'12 (Basic Bitch Mortal Height)
* 1,000 Heavens Tall (True Height)

### Eye colour

Sparkles with an indescribable brilliance that cannot be assigned to a mere color, kinda like your mom's ass after he destroyed it

## Character information off world

### Portrayed by

* That one Kpop idol I can't remember because they all look the same (Most scenes)
* AC$ (Roleplaying)

### Appear in

* Time Patroller Nation
* Dao Seeking Immortal Cultivator Chronicles Saga Academia Xrd
* Heavy Snowverse
* God of Highschool
* Amazing Cultivation Simulator
* The Secret TPN Mod ERP
* I Shall Seal the Heavens
* Sage Monarch

### Debut

He got so OP he punched his debut date in the dick, eradicating its Datian

Once Heavy Snow's greatest rival and now one of his closet friends based on the fact they're two losers who are desperate to be loved and. acknowledged by others but horrendously fail in impressive fashion. Their idea of being loved is being selfishly worshipped by others while they do nothing shit on a mountain of those they've stepped over to get the top and hoes. He's a pitiful-

**A C T U A L L Y**, unrivaled under the heavens, Lord of Heaven and Earth, Great Fighting Dragon Sage Li Shu Fu Tai Wei Feng Juan Huang Xiang Dong is the strongest within the vast expanse of space and time, so strong that none could defeat him. So he moved to the setting of the Time Patroller Nation RP in search of new challenges and students to teach. He's already had the burden carrying the world martial arts on his shoulders and pushing it by 69,000 years in just a single microsecond. He totally isn't sitting on his ass playing an obscure anime mom when he isn't working a tortuous 9 to 5 in the back of local staples.

In short, he's the greatest fighting force the omniverse will ever see.  ~~open the edit scree for this page for a secret underneath this!~~

## Appearance

* Head Armor: Gamer Musk
	+ STR: Ew
	+ DEX: Gross
	+ CON: Take a bath.
	+ WIS: Wash your ass.
	+ CHA: You smell like Selino's armpit sweat on a hot summer day right after she did Extreme Thunder Yoga with Mochi.
	+ INT: You smell like a generous serving of "Sweet Jesus!" with a side of "Hell no!" with the subtle scent of week old dead rat for desert.
* Chest Armor: Wuxia Protagonist Garb from Old Navy.
	+ STR: 20
	+ DEX: 32
	+ CON: 15
	+ WIS: 17
	+ CHA: 10
	+ INT: 10
* Arm Armor: Steel Fists of the Muscular Albino Twink.
	+ STR: 十年早いんだよ！
	+ DEX: POWAH WAVE
	+ CON: This hand of mine is burning red! **Its loud roar tells me to grasp victory!**
	+ WIS: Dragon Ball fans can't read.
	+ CHA: METSATSU
	+ INT: Nah.
	+ Special Effect: Gives the wearer port priority in Melee.
* Leg Armor: Xianxia Femboy Drip Pants
	+ STR: Ore wa chin chin ga daisuki nandayo!
	+ DEX: When's the Gender Bent Arc, Tori?!
	+ CON: The same score as Astolfo's Monster Energy can. Only I know this reference.
	+ WIS: So as a joke, I went to my friend's house wearing Pekora's wig and clothes.
	+ CHA: Is that Frost?
	+ INT: u-uuuwaaaaa~ OmO i-i let my boifwendu do a cummy cum in my boipuccccwie ~! and he didn't wear a boicondom O////O
* Shoe Armor: Penny Loafers.
	+ STR: Too tired.
	+ DEX: Too tired.
	+ CON: Too tired.
	+ WIS: Too tired.
	+ CHA: Too tired.
	+ INT: Too tired.

## Personality

Just know he's more interesting than you and gets more bitches than you.

## Relationships

* Family
* Friends/Allies
* Enemies

* Peppa's EX Wife

* Kaioh Retsu

* Xi Jing Ping

* Kai

* Rikka

* Zel

* Yujiro Hanma

* Heavy Snow (Oath Brother)

* Totoma (specifically when he's a loli for some reason..)

* Takuma (after he forced him)

* The United States Government

* Everyone in Taiwan

* People who talk about Tiananmen Square

* Zak

* Peppa

* Meng Hao

* Yang Qi

* Totoma (When he's a guy)

* Bruce Lee

* Talia (She pegged him and Heavy Snow, an unforgivable offense that cause a war to end all wars. The xenoverse will never be the same.)

## Biography

### Pre-History, the Dawn of Time

Forbidden knowledge, plus, I can't find the court records.

### Burgice Arc

Offscreen he tried to throwing hands with Crouton, but got his shit rocked so thoroughly he got Isekai'd into a JRPG inspired fantasy world as an immortal loli. At first, he was vibing, vibing a little too hard to his situation but came to relize he had the worst stats and the worst class in all the universe. He was condemned to the starting dungeons child labor force, becoming an employee to a business that helped JRPG bosses set up their arenas and dungeons with all manner of installations. It wasn't all bad, he got paid a 1/3 of minimum minimum wage, headpats from his boss, and daily 5 minute sessions of play time in the company Iron Maiden, which he could save up for longer sessions. Eventually, Li learned to reroll his stats and starting class to be come overpowered Ashura Hell Countess Heaven Render class with levels in the Void Deity subclass, using this new found power to take over the world.

Approximately 1 second after conquering all of existence, he gets drive-by'd at the hands of a generic JRPG protagonist and his slave harem. Li is then re-isekai'd back to Conton City, in the hospital getting his shattered vertebrae and skull fixed with implants.

### Stigmata Arc

Li gets blown away frame 1 by Frosten's shockwaves. He gets yeet'd so hard that his soul wanders the void between life and death. In there he finds many things, like J-Man's lore and OCs, Obama's real name, Victoria's secret, the arc Corey and Zeal are supposedly working on, all of AC's unused characters, and the ending of Hunter x Hunter. He also saw Bucc there and punched him in the dick with a lil twist to make it hurt more. Why? No one knows.

Realizing this gag was used already, the Heavenly Dao resurrects Li in South City, where he encounters an equally monstrous force of nature in the form of Heavy Snow. The timelines were converging, warping, and distorting from the mere existence of those two powerhouses, causing a joke to expand into legitimate storytelling, dear reader. Trust me, this is brilliant storytelling. Why? Because now the two strongest, sexiest, and most bricked up motherfuckers in fiction can come together and get drunk while crying about how shitty their lives are.

Then, Pablo Escobar shoots them both in the asscheeks with a minigun. The drug kingpin had maintained his memories from the timeline convergence and sought revenge for Snow ruining the drug game. The two were taken to a hospital and given a blood transfusions from each other in order to live. How does that work? That depends, dear reader, do you wanna find out whose been hiding in your closet and taking pictures of you while you sleep? I thought so.

This even made them swear on their reconstituted hindquarters that, from that day onward, they would be oath brothers who would fight through hell and back for each other. They proceeded to go get shitfaced afterwards.

### "Dude, Where's My Phoenix Rebirth Pill?" Arc

Too tired to write, but it's better than every arc in TPN and totally isn't a reference to Dude Where's My Car, I'm more original than that.

### The Futanari Incident #2: Electric Boogaloo

Gee golly ya'll are really gonna like this thrilling mysterious! I sure hope now one spoils it- Talia did it.

## Power

Words cannot describe his magnificent power. However, it is my job tot detail his story and his power, I shall do my best.

### Feats

1. Gave Amaru the worst fade imaginable, blamed it on Lilith, and everyone believed him.
2. Condemned Ningen to infinite damnations, the first 1,000 of which involve waiting in ever increasingly long lines at the DMV
3. Defeated Nap in Smash
4. Got beat up by Tori
5. Got beat up by Dinasya
6. Dated Mochio in front of Takuma, only to cheat on her with Turni, but then cheated on her with Turkt. Both girls had to listen to Li clapping Namekian cheeks in a Zoom call.
7. Was able to write an effective and brilliant solo rp using all of AC's unused characters perfectly, then deleted it before anyone could read the utterly jaw dropping ending.
8. Tossed a certain person of Saiyan descent into the River Thames. ~~not saying who for my safety~~
9. Precisely knowns what pieces of media are hot and somehow always manages to spoil it for everyone regardless of what they do.
10. Permanently destroyed the Avoca Futa Cock Meme Keter Class Cognitohazard created by Twink that affects your brain just by learning about- oh god no
11. Defeated all of Goblin's OCs by pointing out the debatable nature of what it means to scale a character to multiversal before transitioning to why Chinese high fantasy, light novel, and visual novel characters slap all of fiction. They do, read this bullshit.

## Abilities

* Techniques
* Transformations
* Equipment

* Martial Techniques
* Weapon Techniques
* Hexes and Daoist Magic
* Other Techniques

* Kicks You in the Balls: Kicks You in the Balls.
	+ Earned him the nickname of "Testicle Devil".

* Atomic Clothesline: Stole it from a certain redhead and made it better.

* I'm Not Gonna Sugarcoat It: He ain't gonna sugarcoat it.

* That weird ass input King Piccolo has in Super Dragon Ball Z: This one.

* Can't Think of a Name: He punches you in your Datian and it makes your Qi flow turn into the shape of a pretzel.

* Tempest Dragon Sword Explosion Art: A giant fuck off dragon made of billions of flying exploding swords.

* Elder Serpent Nova Piercer: A giant fuck off snake made of billions of flying exploding spears.

* Exploding MILF Festival: Summons a giant fuck off MILF made of billions of flying exploding MILFs.

* Groin Hell Transcendence: A hex that makes the victim relive every time they've been kicked in the balls but multiplied by 10 Septillion times over.

* Greed Witch Great Humbling: A Daoist magic spell that spawn evidence of unregistered income from a female OC's Onlyfans and/or Premium Snapchat and immediately sends it to the IRS. If they don't have one, the Heavenly Dao will create one. This doesn't not work on underage opponents. He defeated Turni and Ginko with this move so fast, that in the time it's take them to notice their arrest by the IRS, AC$ would have finished a single RP post (approximately 1 billion centuries).

* Mid Fiction Eradicator: A technique that utterly roasts the mid-est of media with flames from an incalculable number of hyper dimensional hells. Li used this technique to defeat Napkin by destroying the entire Fire Emblem and Xenoblade franchises.

* MILF Summoning Art: Lets him summon the local MILFs in his area. They all were hot af and strong af but they usually just tell him to clean his room and that they should've swallowed him. Don't worry, they'll do the same to you too.

* Change!: He can shapeshifter by shouting "Change!". He usually ends up turning into a girl and weirdly feels more comfortable like that. He gets real sad when he changes back and he doesn't know why.

### Great Billion Hand Bodhisattva-Chan

Wow, a technique so wild it needs a proper in depth description. The Great Billion Hand Bodhisattva-Chan is ability gained from Li killing and refining the soul of an Elder God Class Star Plasma Chuunibyou Ashura Waifu. It takes the form of massive, multi-armed bodhisattva statue except it looks like a pretty anime with an itty bitty waist that stuns those in her presence when that round thing gets in your face. It has a will of its own, thus can fight alongside Li instead of simply taking his commands. She has billions of stances and is the manifestation of the **Fist of the Booty Clapping on the Benz** technique. On its most basic level, it alters the laws of existence and casualty to nullify any and all attacks thrown at him by falsifying discord DMs filled with fucked shit. That or just eradicating them on a metaphysical level, conceptual level.

* First Stance: Grants Li Super Ascension Level Immortality x2.
* Second Stance: Forcibly causes the opponent to spend their life savings on her Onlyfans.
* Third Stance: A punch felt on the physical, mental, spiritual, and conceptual level.
* Fourth Stance: Stops time for however long either Bodhisattva-Chan or Li wants.
* Tenth Stance: Erases all of Twinks' OCs.
* Twelfth Stance: Actually finishes Mystic's Pages.
* Thirteenth Stance: Makes pages for Duck.
* Twentieth Stance: Shuts Carano the fuck up.
* Twenty First Stance: Beats Goku.
* Twenty Second Stance: Beats Superman.
* Twenty Third Stance: Takes the night sky and literally slams it down on someone. Ot can also be shaped into various weapons.
* Twenty Fourth Stance: Calls you mid.

* Sassy femboy form that he oddly feels more comfortable in, has more confidence in, feels more accepted in, and generally make him a better person. He's afraid of what it could mean. What's worse, there's something beyond even this.

* A form that he can enter only when he and Heavy Snow are together naked and oiled up. It makes the meridians of his Qi flow output 5000% more energy and lets him us the Way of the Slippery fighting style that involves a lot of grappling.

* Infinite Swords

* Infinite Spears made from Infinite Hells

* MILFs. MILFs are a weapon. A dangerous one.
	+ Here's his favorite one. She beats him up every time he summons her though.

* A flower that lowers your credit score, nullifies your abilities, makes your narrative weaker than his, forces you to pay for Twitter Blue, Ratio, deletes Mystic's pages, steals all your organs, and turns your Skeleton into a map of Wyoming.

## Trivia

* He follows Zelan on Instagram.
	+ They're in love.
		- But Zelan can only smash if he does a special diet.
			* And beats Ultrakill blindfolded while ACTUALLY TEACHING AC TO DO A PROPER KI CANCEL, YOU ASS.