Rowley and the hitman

139.Once upon a time in the suburban town of Andover lived a young, rather naive boy by the name of Rowley Jefferson. An innocently misguided soul of eleven, Rowley found his solace in the wild escapades of his various televised friends, his favourite being the controversial and unpredictable Nasty Bob.

In one unremarkable episode, Nasty Bob impersonates a hitman. Now Rowley, having a considerably simplistic understanding of the world, concluded that a hitman's job was merely to 'hit' people - quite literally. In his limited view, it was an adventurous and exciting job, just like his hero Nasty Bob was doing on the television!

His pet Darwin, a somewhat dehydrated fish, found himself a victim of this misinterpretation. Darwin was peacefully enjoying his hefty plate of 3,874 popadoms when suddenly, Rowley hammered him quite brutally. Shocked and in distress, Darwin wailed in confusion.

"I'm a hitman", Rowley cheerfully announced, completely oblivious to the pain he had inadvertently inflicted. Through his anguished observance, Darwin managed to explain to Rowley the proper, grim version of a hitman's job. The wide-eyed boy, who had only moments ago been giggling with unabashed joy, sobered.

As luck would have it, Stalin - a distant acquaintance of Darwin - was present in their midst. He proposed the risky idea of introducing Rowley to a real-life hitman as a friend. Piqued by this unexpected development, Rowley dialed the hitman's number that Stalin eagerly provided.

Rowley's heart thumped in anticipation as he placed the call from his father's telephone. Little did he know that his boyish instincts were pitching him headlong into troubled waters. Alas, Rowley, thinking that the man on the other end would only want to harmlessly hit his father as part of some elaborate prank, instructed him with an innocent charm.

Imagine Rowley's terror when he returned home the next day from school to find his father's lifeless skeleton slumped in the living room! A chilling scream tore from his mouth and he implored his unseen mother for help. But before anything else could happen, his 'dead' father sprang up from the onyx wardrobe, roaring like a prehistoric beast and laughed heartily.

The whole charade had been orchestrated by his devious father in cahoots with Stalin and Darwin. The episode of Nasty Bob was an elaborate setup to teach him the reality of poorly interpreted television episodes. But the real punishment, the one that struck a nerve with Rowley, was his father's audacious sticking out of the tongue, a playful gesture that Rowley took as a pointed humiliation.

In response, Rowley exhibited a tantrum of epic proportions, crying, kicking, and demanding his dummy for solace. In the ensuing chaos, his mother swooped him up in her arms and carried him to the sanctuary of his bedroom.

She softly cooed a gentle lullaby, her soothing voice blending with the constellation of teddy bears surrounding him. As the sweet tune hummed around him, Rowley ventured into the lush landscape of dreams- a fantastical journey to 'Sweetie Land', where he was the cherubic king.

As a fitting end to the day, his father - who had executed the prank with such precision - was justly punished by being fed a raw, sour kiwi which he detested. As the night fell, the sounds of Rowley's cute snores filled the house - a testament to the day's escapade and a reminder of Rowley's unwitting role in it all.