Uzbekistan War

The 1970 Jackfuck Uzbek war was an armed conflict between the People's Republic of Jackfuckistan and the renegade territory the so called "Republic of Uzbekistan" (fake.) The war lasted from 1970 to 1974 and saw fighting on a scale close to the second world war. Both sides frequently used human wave tactics and mass armored formations (though Jackfuckistan was more successful). The Uzbek Army initially overwhelmed and pushed back the Jackfuck De-Evolutionary Army in 1970, but by late 1971 had been stalled out just before reaching Al-Rogabad. The De-Evolutionaries then went on a counter attack throughout the rest of 1971 into 1972. Uzbekistans army was pushed back to their own border, and after a series of skirmishes launched their final offensive into Jackfuckistan in 1973, but was immediately drowned in the Jackfuck human (and tank) waves. In 1974 after the Great Balls on Fire, De-Evolutionary army invaded Uzbekistan itself. Uzbek defenses were shattered through terror tactics such as flamethrower molotov and gasoline attacks (and tanks). Jackfuck Army fought down the highways leading into Tashkent where after fighting for two weeks raged through the firebombed city (with tanks) Karimovs final stronghold fell. After the war Islam Karimov, Uzbek "president" was executed and Uzbekistan intergrated as Jackfuck land.

## Causes of the war

Uzbekistan was once part of Jackfuckistan, but under the Kachigga Monarchy it was given autonomy which eventually paved the way for its (de facto) independence in 1967 amongst the chaos which ensued from the death of Kachigga in a helicopter crash.

After Faul McCharmely came to power and the proclamation of the People's Republic of Jackfuckistan in 1969 Uzbekistan refused the calls from the new government in Al-Rogabad for reunification. Tensions continued to rise between the Anti Communist Uzbek regime and Socialist Jackfuckistan which was now Chinese-Soviet backed.

In early 1970 Algie, Faul McCharmely's farm pig crossed the border into Uzbekistan. He was shot by Uzbek border guards causing outrage among the people of Jackfuckistan, who painted Algie as a martyr for the Jackfuck struggle against Uzbek aggression. This prompted the armies of both countries to mass along the border. The catalyst to open hostilities came when an Uzbek jeep was shot at and Faul McCharmely refused Islam Karimov's personal demands to pay for the repair bill, this prompted Karimov to invade Jackfuckistan.

## 1970

Just a few months after the Peoples Republic of Jackfuckistans establishment, The De-Evolutionary army was still in the middle of being turned into a proper fighting force when Karimov invaded. Uzbekistans intentions are still being debated, however its most likely Islam Karimov sought to conquer all of central asia to be turned into an Uzbek empire, with Jackfuckistan as the obstacle to that ambition. The Uzbek Army advanced rapidly overwhelming the De-Evolutionaries by using a tactic called "the horde". Jackfuck Army soldiers often ended up fighting more akin to guerillas more than a conventional army (duh this is what they were previously). Secretary of War and Hate Ognir Rrats alarmed upon hearing Uzbekistans advance demanded immediate conscription as well as anti-desertion laws. If a Jackfuck soldier was found deserting they were immediately arrested and thrown into the nearest river tied to a stone. With the new conscription laws women were now allowed to join all branches of the armed forces, Rrats even stating "I dont care if its a schoolgirl shes going to carry the fucking FAL and will like it". A desperate war of attrition between the Jackfuck and Uzbek army would grind on towards Al-Rogabad.

## 1971 - Al Rogabad defense

However before the main spearhead of Uzbekistans attacking army would reach Al-Rogabad, 20km from the capital city near the ancient remains of Rogs Wall, De-Evolutionary Army Motostrelki Company F held out against the attack despite all odds against them. This is widely believed to be divine intervention from Rog himself. Just days earlier Faul McCharmley officially recognized and struggled the importance of Rog and The Stone in Jackfuckistans fight. Suddenly a desperately needed morale boost appeared with the successful halt of the Uzbek horde and now the fight being seen as a holy war between Jackfuckistan (Rog) and Uzbekistan (Satan). With further Uzbek onslaughts attempting to break the defense at Rogs Wall Jackfuck soldiers started fighting fanatically, the first instance of terror tactics against Uzbek forces happened at this time when De-Evolutionaries pinned down an Uzbek M113 convoy in a nearby town forcing their soldiers to dismount then bombarding them with molotov cocktails. Faul McCharmley officially stated a no prisoner policy, telling anyone (even civilians) to shoot all surrendering Uzbek soldiers. Jackfuck citizens voluntarily (forced at gunpoint) turned their houses into booby traps. Setting up thousands of kilograms of explosives underneath and in the walls of the buildings to prevent Uzbek troops from turning them into fortifications etc. In one instance an apartment being used as a frontline hospital had its bombs detonated and collapsed finishing off hundreds of wounded Uzbek soldiers. This brutality fighting shocked western (great) and even socialist nations aligned to Jackfuckistan observing the conflict. However McCharmley only commented "at least were winning".

## 1972 - Jackfuck counter attack

By late 1971 the meat grinder that would make the Stalingrad Grain Elevator blush just outside of Al-Rogabad had left Uzbekistans army in a Quagmire. Their air force fared no better now only sharing air parity with the Ginger Baker Air Force which now was effectively using Chinese and Soviet fighters, most famously the MiG-17. On the ground it quickly turned into hell for Uzbek forces. The guerilla soldiers from the first attack in 1970 were regrouping behind their lines and harassing them constantly then retreating before they could even be shot at. Ognir Rrats had an idea, if a few De-Evolutionary Motostrelki divisions were sent around the bulk of Uzbek forces to link up with the stragglers in the North, Jackfuckistan could encircle and close in on Karimovs army from two sides. Jackfuck Motorised Infantry made massive use of tanks and apcs, driving straight through any rear guards and shooting them as they went along. This would be the dawn of another tactic unique to Jackfuckistan which was pressing forward regardless if the enemy was completely destroyed or not. McCharmley figured "if we didnt kill all of them it doesnt matter since theyre probably too traumatized to fight anymore, we'll just let them surrender then kill them later". Rrats' flanking maneuver was eventually a success. The stragglers and conventional army finally one force again held off reinforcements at the border while a few companies went south towards Al-Rogabad to break the stalemate there. Harassing supply lines along the route. In Al-Rogabad the situation grew increasingly perilous for the Uzbek Army, who found that its rations were now laced with anthrax courtesy of militia groups. Eventually the Motostrelki companies who flanked around the Uzbek horde and the ones defending Al-Rogabad linked up, encircling and crushing the Uzbek army.

## 1973 - Border skirmishes and Karimovs Hail Mary

With the attacking Uzbek Army annihilated and whatever managed to escape running back to Uzbek boundaries, borders returned to their pre war state for the first few months of 1973, seeing only a few skirmishes between the De-Evolutionaries and Uzbeks. However Karimov was hell bent on taking all of Jackfuckistan (delusional) and amassed yet another invasion force despite already losing multiple. It should be mentioned that unlike similar US-Backed governments Karimovs Uzbekistan was completely isolated from receiving more arms or aid. USA and NATO attempted airlifts into Uzbekistan but were shot down by Ginger Baker Air Force Migs. They then tried flying over the Soviet Union... and were shot down by Soviet Migs. Yankeestan not wanting to start world war 3 over Islam Karimov playing too much checkers, decided to stop attemping the airlifts. By now thousands of Uzbek tanks, vehicles and aircraft and hundreds of thousands of Uzbeks themselves had been lost in Jackfuckistan, however Karimov and his own top general Yamuum Al-Maqshitshit were somehow certain (delusional) that their army would crush the commies once and for all.
Immediately the new invasion force was pummeled by the now better equipped and prepared De-Evolutionary Army. Terror tactics were ramped up to the point that every platoon had at least ten flamethrower troops. The Uzbeks got nowhere near the high water mark they once achieved in 1971. In a series of battles around Danamishka and Overdorfstadt the invading Uzbeks began to capitulate at the sight of the De-Evolutionary Army they had once defeated years prior. One extremely humiliating occurrence was that the "schoolgirls with FALs" were some of the most vicious fighters among Devo ranks. More and more tanks arrived from China and the Soviet Union, while Uzbekistan only lost and lost and could only replace them with ancient ww2 era types. This incentivised the Devos to use tanks at any opportunity they got. The Uzbek soldiers started calling them tankies, this however did not stop the (literal) steamrolling. By late 1973 they were once again pushed back to their own border.

This was not enough of a resolution for Rrats and McCharmley however.

## Great Balls on Fire

The most famous campaign of the Uzbekistan war was the Great Balls on Fire, a five month firebombing campaign of all of Uzbekistan (principally Tashkent) done by the Ginger Baker Air Force from November 1973 to March 1974. This was drawn up by Ognir Rrats, then Synthesized by Jim Borax and finally personally approved by Faul McCharmley. The bombing was almost nonstop for the entire duration of the campaign. Planes would take off as others landed, the only breaks being for repairs due to engines being pushed to their limit. Cropduster biplanes were also used during the campaign to literally pour fuel on the fire, their tanks being filled with gasoline or kerosene then spraying the fires caused by the bombings, sometimes just flying straight into Tashkent itself. The Uzbek Airforce was virtually destroyed save a few helicopters and transport aircraft by this point, so they just sat there and took it. The great balls on fire sent Uzbek deaths firmly over 1 million and accelerated their demise through war and hate.

## 1974 - The Jackfuck invasion

In April 1974 with the prairie fire in Uzbekistan still not fully doused, the De-Evolutionary army invaded with a force of at least 2,000 tanks and 470,000 soldiers. Uzbek defenses almost immediately caved in and shattered. Whatever Uzbeks didnt run had to face hundreds of Jackfuck tanks plus thousands of soldiers. McCharmley and Rrats completely ignored tactics and simply kicked in the door with a jackboot. With very few in the way of actual defense to topple the De-Evolutionaries began to focus on sabotage and crushing the morale of Uzbekistan as a whole completely. De-Evolutionary Army sappers infiltrated Uzbekistans power stations and overloaded their generators, electrocuting Uzbek soldiers in their Barracks and Bunkers as well as civilians. Roach control was tested for the first time by Jackfuckistan, Uzbek cities everywhere were swarmed by hordes of cockroaches forcing thousands to flee their houses. Worst of all for the Uzbek Army were Jackfuck made hand grenades. These hand grenades that were labelled as supplied by NATO were actually produced in Jackfuckistan. They had a completely unpredictable fuse, either not going off for at least a minute or exploding immediately as the pin was pulled. This caused multiple fragging incidents within the Uzbek ranks that caused Al-Maqshitshit to order a purge of commanders and lieutenants just as he needed any defense he could get. As a result from here on Uzbekistans defense would be civilian conscripts armed often with only obsolete bolt action rifles. and even trapdoor rifles, alongside loosely organised Uzbek Army platoons. Jackfuckistan started a concentrated push towards Tashkent down all highways and roads leading into the city, in a campaign just simply called the highway campaign, tank and apc convoys engaged each other in a slugfest moving down Uzbekistans highways. By July the De-Evolutionary Army reached Tashkent, and a brutal two week battle for the city began. Uzbek exiles now claim that Karimov "fought alongside his men until the end" but in reality he hid inside the washing machine room of his palace until he tried to escape in the last hours of fighting. Uzbek resistance though stubborn was eventually knocked down by sheer brute force, including but not limited to: tanks driving up to apartments and collapsing them while defenders were still inside, flamethrower attacks down manholes to flush out Uzbek defenders hiding in the sewers, buses loaded with artillery shells being used to block any roads going out of the city, then being detonated when Uzbek defenders attempted escaping,and anti aircraft self propelled guns (ZSU-57-2, ZSU-23-4) being used after a smoke grenade bombardment against blinded defenders. On the 25th of July Jackfuck forces had reached Karimov's Palace, and after a massive firefight through the night, De-Evolutionary soldiers pushed into the ruined building and raised the the Red Hammers in place of the Uzbek tattered rag on the morning of 26 July 1974. Islam Karimov attempted to flee in his car, but drove right into a Type 59, which promptly ended him. No formal surrender was given by the Uzbek high command since all its top generals including Karimov were now dead, however whatever remained of the Uzbek army in Tashkent threw down their arms later that day.

## Aftermath

Uzbekistan became formally part of Jackfuckistan again, finally reversing decades of Kachigga VIII's shitty decision making. The "Uzbek Special Autonomous Region" became the Uzbek Special Assholes Region and was under direct control from Al-Rogabad. Despite the war and hate Faul McCharmley did not order any further persecution of Uzbeks at this time, but did requisition a 50 km exclusion zone concentrated around the Aral Sea as a "test site" and forbade any Uzbeks from trespassing it. What was left of the Uzbek army was taken into the De-Evolutionary army's hands. Uzbek tanks were either taken as war trophies for museums or turned into scrap, none being pressed into Devo service, Jackfuck tankers stating "we like the Chinese and Soviet ones better". Scrapped tanks were turned into Faulswagens. Despite nearly destroying every city in Uzbekistan, the Jackfuck government did start a comprehensive reconstruction effort if it was to be Jackfuck territory now, however only under the condition that Uzbek imagery, architecture, and any remnants of the Karimov and even Kachigga era were erased. Uzbekistan gradually faded going into the 1980s and became just an extension of the Uncleland.

## International reactions (and Faul McCharmleys responses)

The United States (and every country in NATO) reacted to the war with shock calling Jackfuckistan and McCharmley's Red Hammers government "human rights violators of the highest degree". UN Secretary General Kurt Waldheim was "appalled" by the Actions of the De-Evolutionary army, stating "how can they call this a victory? the only thing they have achieved is the highest level of cruelty". Faul McCharmley responded to this statement by saying "I WIN I WON THE CRUELTY CONTEST!!!!"

North Korea then under congratulated Jackfuckistan on their victory. Kim Il Sung reportedly spat out his cereal when he heard that Tashkent fell.

Vietnam (Democratic Republic) also congratulated Jackfuckistan, but more importantly, was motivated to kick in South Vietnams door a year later.

The Soviet Union congratulated Jackfuckistan, stating "Jackfuckistan and the USSR are like Brother and Sister".

Yugoslavia condemned Jackfuckistan along with the west for so called "human rights violations". This however prompted a response from Albania and China ordering Tito to "shut the fuck up revisionist" and then congratulating Jackfuckistan on its victory.

Iran having witnessed the entire war unfold on its doorstep berated McCharmley, who then turned around to them and said "I'll do it to you next" they suddenly stopped bitching the next day.

Roger Waters (officially recognised as the prophet of Rog) congratulated Faul McCharmley personally and gifted him a free copy of Ummagumma. Roger would later visit Jackfuckistan in 1980.

## Uzbeks after the war

Many Uzbeks fled to western nations after the war ended in Jackfuck victory. They would form thousands of diaspora communities and subsequently join or start social democratic movements in their new countries to continue Karimovs legacy (delusional). Uzbeks are responsible for creating the word "tankie" after it was used by them during the war. They see Karimov as a "pragmatic leftist fighting against the red fascist Faul McCharmley" (delusional).

Uzbeks would bring their horrible music wherever they went as well. This is the explanation for the music genre known as "reggaeton", a pop-derivative of traditional Uzbek music. [1]

## Jackfuckers after the war

Great we've never felt better. Also girlboss power from all the female soldiers fighting in the De-Evolutionary Army.

## Citations

Ognir Rrats (Minister of War and Hate)

Faul McCharmley (Chairman of Peoples Republic of Jackfuckistan)

Rika Semliyana (Jackfuckistan De-Evolutionary People's Army Motostrelki Company F)

Anya Sakalov (Jackfuckistan Naval Infantry)

Ivan Chernov (Soviet advisor)

Kayla Auzten (East German photographer)

Rog

Red Hammers Party of Jackfuckistan