Episode 1: World Wide Train

https://globehell.libsyn.com/

## Episode Summary

Welcome to Episode 1 of Globe Hell Warning, the new political show brought to you by Josiah and Drew. On this episode the hosts discuss plane, train and World Wide Train. Author and train genius James Wilt joins to confirm that World Wide Train is possible!

## Idea Details

* Idea: World Wide Train
* Creator of idea: Josiah and Drew
* Purpose of idea: Today on our show Globe Hell Warning, we're going to talk about the defining issue that underlies everything - every debate that happens on the political field, on Earth, and every sort of debate that happens in the great hallways of politics buildings around the world can really be traced back to one key issue. And that key issue is World Wide Train. And so today we're here to talk about World Wide Train. What is it, who is it for, what will it do? There's two types of World Wide Train that we have to sort of be distinct about. There's the sort of World Wide Train which will be a worldwide transit system that will be free for all individuals that would basically be paid for by the government.
* Timetable: It is already too late for World Wide Train to not even exist yet. It needs to be created as soon as humanly possible, or we'll be in big trouble as a society. This will be the guiding principle for Globe Hell Warning, as all of its project ideas will be in pursuit of the creation of World Wide Train.
* Idea details:
	+ World Wide Train is a train that can transport you anywhere across the world for free and it takes zero energy.
	+ World Wide Train can also be used for minor trips, like to get groceries or go to the hair salon or the Revenue Canada Office.
	+ World Wide Train will be a direct circle around the globe that you will be able to see from space as a 3D choo-choo train that is driving around the Earth in one big circle.
	+ World Wide Train will look like a steam-powered locomotive choo-choo train. However, it will use different technology like magnets. It will have zero energy use unlike other technologies which use energy.
	+ World Wide Train could get energy from guns. This would help counter the plague of guns on the streets. People could bring their guns onto World Wide Train so they can line up at the front and then take turns shooting the front of the train to propel it forwards from the sheer force of rednecks yelling "Yahoo!" or "Yippee", etc. This would look almost like a shooting range. People would be lined up in 7 or 8 booths so people can practice shooting while they're there. You could put up pictures of some of the most hated people in history like Hitler or Osama Bin Laden.
	+ Some options of guns that could be used to power the World Wide Train include pistols, shotguns, and bazookas. Melee weapons may not be of much practical use for powering World Wide Train, but several practice dummies will be set up anyway.
	+ The people shooting their guns are disgusting rednecks with their pistols. They're absolutely wretched people who are probably dipping and saying "Yeehaw". Though it should be noted that we need them to power World Wide Train.
	+ In order to look like a choo-choo, World Wide Train will have vapor coming out of the top to give the appearance of being smoke. This could also involve burning things like sage incense, for example.
	+ World Wide Train will be fully socially distanced to help keep people safe as they travel to places like sports arenas.
	+ World Wide Train will be primarily based around the Equator because equator is Latin for equal. This is representative of how everything with World Wide Train will be socially conscious.
	+ World Wide Train is incredibly fast, even for minor local travel.
	+ World Wide Train may not even need rails or a track - the magnets and gun power may be enough to allow it to hover and fly above the houses and the ocean.
	+ Smaller splinter trains will split off from the main World Wide Train to allow for more localized travel. These cars will then circle back around to rejoin the main train at the Equator. The smaller trains will be powered by smaller guns than the main train.
	+ World Wide Train will have tipping capabilities to allow for the piss and shit and cum to drip out of the back of the train into an ocean near to its home at the Equator.
	+ World Wide Train and each of its splinter trains will require their own extremely skilled pilots.
	+ World Wide Train will be paid for by HBO, but also could be paid for by everyone in the world bringing in some of their recycling and sacrificing some of their recycling cashback on one Sunday of each year.
		- World Wide Train could also be paid for by billionaires like Jeff Bezos.
	+ World Wide Train will be a massive job opportunity for rednecks to have a job powering World Wide Train. It would also be an outlet for white male rage so they could take out their anger by shooting pictures of bad people instead of shooting actual people.
		- Josiah later modified his statement about the job opportunity to say that the gunmen will not be paid, but will instead simply be interns or convicted felons who are forced to work on World Wide Train as part of their rehabilitation.
	+ World Wide Train would be one of the biggest trains.
	+ There will be a man yelling "All aboard" every 6 minutes on the train just to remind everyone that they're riding on a train. This conductor will hold the job for life. The guy that Josiah has in mind for the job is pretty healthy, so he should have the job for quite a long time.
	+ Once World Wide Train is built, it will never be another train built again. It will be built so well, there will never be any need for maintenance.
	+ The splinter trains will not be as good quality as the main train.
	+ There may be a library car on World Wide Train, which would hold a lot of books.

## Devil Play

* Josiah asked how World Wide Train could work considering the name references only a single train serving the millions of people on the Earth; there are not plural trains.
	+ Drew pointed out that there could be splinter trains, whereby a single car would split off the full World Wide Train to drop someone off at their destination and then circle back around to join the full World Wide Train back at the Equator.
	+ Josiah responded that for this plan to succeed, each splinter train would need its own gunman to shoot gun into it to power it. He then pointed out that the gunmen powering World Wide Train are indeed exclusively men.
	+ Drew confirmed this to say that the main train would have the shooting range and the splinter trains would indeed have their own gunmen. He expanded to say that certain splinter trains will need to go to certain places. Someone traveling to a destination far from the Equator would require a gunman with a larger gun like a machine gun or bazooka, whereas someone traveling to a destination close to the Equator would only require a gunman with something like a pistol, like a Walther PPK or one of those small tiny guns a femme fatale might stick inside of her boot.
	+ With this, Josiah responded that this made sense.
* Josiah asked exactly how fast World Wide Train would be, considering there would be all manner of gun shooting it.
	+ Drew responded that this would depend on the gun and the shooter, but at minimum World Wide Train would achieve the speed of sound. He compared this to *The Green Lantern*, in which Hal Jordan's plane goes faster than the speed of sound. He noted, though, that he had not seen the movie.
* Josiah asked what will happen with the piss and shit and cum and puke on World Wide Train.
	+ Drew pointed out that there would be a basement underneath the floor where the toilets sit, and the basement would extend the entire length of World Wide Train, which he noted is an extremely long train. This means there is an unending storage capability to store whatever you need, whether it is piss, shit, or cum, or even something more useful. You could clear out the cum and piss and shit to transport a sports team whose car or bus broke down and they need safe transport to the sports arena.
	+ Josiah responded that this means it is really the user's choice whether the basement is used for piss and shit and cum or to provide more space for additional people.
	+ Drew pointed out that being near to the Equator allows World Wide Train to have easy access to an ocean so the back could open and then it could tip up towards the sky so everything could drip out for a bit.
* Josiah asked - from the standpoint of a Joe Blow or Jane Brain listening - how we are to pay for World Wide Train.
	+ Josiah responded to himself to say that if everyone has one Sunday where we take in some of our recycling and say "No, thank you" to the cashback then that will fully pay for World Wide Train if everyone does that once a year.
	+ Drew responded that, while that is a great idea, we can of course find the money to pay for World Wide Train considering HBO gave Zack Snyder $20,000,000 to finish his director's cut of *Justice League*. This means HBO will give Josiah and Drew $20,000,000 for World Wide Train as well. If this were the case, then the people could keep their money from the recycling cashback that they would otherwise be forced to sacrifice once per year.
* James Wilt pointed out that it is a little deceptive to market World Wide Train as zero energy since it still harnesses energy. He referenced Drew's point about the parallel to capturing energy from burning coal to say that World Wide Train is also using energy, it's just gun energy. So moving forward, he recommended talking about this important point in an honest way.
	+ Josiah pointed out that this is similar to a "Kills 99.9% of germs" kind of thing, and that World Wide Train is not using energy, it is the guns that are using the energy, as well as the energy of white male rage which is the primary power source of World Wide Train.
	+ James Wilt agreed with this logic, saying it's kind of like "guns don't kill people, people kill people".
* James Wilt asked where the machine guns and bazookas would be acquired to power World Wide Train. Would they be newly manufactured or would they be a part of a gun control program where the resources could be reallocated.
	+ Drew suggested that people could just bring their guns onto World Wide Train.
	+ Josiah pointed out that people will be so pleased with the speed and quality of service provided by World Wide Train that they will happily give up their life as a gunman and enlist in service to World Wide Train.
	+ James Wilt asked if he could bring his gun onto World Wide Train to help power it on its way to visit Josiah in Montreal on a 30 minute trip, for instance.
	+ Josiah mentioned this would mean everyone on Earth must have a gun and then that gun becomes akin to a bus pass, so to speak. Drew and James Wilt agreed with this idea. Josiah then pointed out that they could say the train is free, but the bullets cost money. And that will be a mandatory personal expense of $300 WWD per month. He continued, saying if you can't afford it then you don't get to go on World Wide Train.
	+ Drew pushed back on this, saying there has to be a set number of gunmen and if people want to bring their guns that's great. But you shouldn't need one to get on World Wide Train.
	+ James Wilt echoed the great job opportunity of World Wide Train for gunmen, as well as for gun manufacturing. and for the conductor and train maintenance.
	+ Josiah pointed out that once World Wide Train is built, there will never be another one built, and that it will be built so well that it will never require maintenance. Also, the conductor will serve for life and there will only be one, and the guy Josiah has in mind for the job is pretty healthy.
* James Wilt suggested that the recycling cashback program should be used to spruce up elements of World Wide Train, but that the main day-to-day costs should come from somewhere else.
* James Wilt suggested that the gunmen powering World Wide Train with their guns should be paid employees. He believes that you have to give the workers democratic control over World Wide Train. There would need to be workers councils and opportunities for everyone to decide where World Wide Train goes, and when they would get new train cars or have redesigns.
	+ Josiah restated that World Wide Train will never have any maintenance or redesign.
	+ James Wilt was adamant that those decisions must be made collectively, which would require Josiah and Drew ceding some control. This might even involve a future decision to move away from the choo-choo train look of World Wide Train to adopt some other variety of appearance.
	+ Josiah and Drew countered by offering James Wilt an unpaid intern position as a gunman on World Wide Train.
	+ James Wilt responded to say that if he accepted, he would attempt to unionize with the other gunmen to take back control.
	+ Josiah and Drew restated that those other gunmen are scum, like right-wing militia members, etc. And while they might be bad people in that regard, you will end up depending on them due to their function in powering World Wide Train.
* James Wilt suggested that Globe Hell Warning will need a lot more followers to gain support for World Wide Train before it can be created. This should involve buy-in from people who use other forms of transit, so they can lend their support and ideas and funding to the World Wide Train effort. To have a tangible effect today on the implementation of World Wide Train, James Wilt suggested that Josiah and Drew buy Twitter followers. He suggested that Josiah and Drew are running the risk of having an *A Beautiful Mind*-like disconnect of reality when it comes to World Wide Train.
	+ Drew countered to say that they are not disconnected from reality and that they all agree that the piss, shit, and cum will be stored in the basement section of World Wide Train until it can be dumped into the ocean.
	+ James Wilt suggested they think more about this idea.

## Notable Events

* It was revealed that Josiah pronounces guillotine as "ghee-a-teen", whereas Drew pronounces it as "guy-low-tine".
* Josiah and Drew seem to have brainstormed the name of the podcast, Globe Hell Warning, in this episode, although it could have been a routine. Some discussed potential alternate names for the podcast include:
	+ Hellp Me
	+ Hellotine
	+ Hell-o World
	+ Hell-ow World
	+ Hellicopter
		- This is a partial reference to Kobe Bryant and the unnamed family who perished.
	+ Hell Freezes Over
	+ Hearth
		- As in Hot Earth.
	+ Globe Hell Warming
* It should be noted that Josiah named 'Globe Hell Warming' as an option, and Drew misstated it one time as 'Global Warning', giving Josiah the idea to name the podcast Globe Hell Warning. This origin would later be subject to much heated debate.
* It was revealed that Drew will be the editor of each episode. Josiah states his intention to not listen to any episodes before they are released.
* The original intent of the podcast would be a mix of Howard Stern, rock 'n' roll, and the nightly news all in one place with a combination of Josiah's and Drew's personalities.
* Josiah put forth a call to action that everyone send a message to their congressman or senator or White House with a simple message: World Wide Train Now.
* Josiah and Drew interviewed James Wilt about World Wide Train.

## Notable Quotes

### Josiah

* "Well I've always said about myself that I'm a little bit of a news junkie. In that I read the news and also have addiction issues."
* "The political is the personal. Because once you get political, then you get the person... to follow you. And listen."
* "All we have to do is call life 'hell world' and talk about 'guillotine'."
* "My SIN number is 0 because I've been forgiven."
* "When you talk about World Wide Train, a lot of people think 'Oh, World Wide Train, yeah I know World Wide Train. That's how I get to work every day. And what you're actually thinking of is you're thinking of light rail, or you're thinking of bus, or you're thinking of even car, or even bicycle. But World Wide Train, as it stands, does not exist just yet."
* "Well if you think that I'm like a child then why are you DMing me at all hours?"
* "So if a woman corners you in a dark alley and she's trying to ask you if you happen to have the time, you're gonna just assume she's trying to attack you and you're gonna bop her on the head with a garbage lid?"
* "So Drew: piss and shit, and cum and puke. Where will they go on World Wide Train?"
* "It's kinda like you're gonna pop a wheelie on the World Wide Train to get all this piss and shit and cum out into the water."
* "We are welcoming to Globe Hell Warning decorated journalist, author of *Do Androids Dream of Electric Cars*: James Wilt. Welcome to the show, James. The first thing I want to say to you is that they don't uh dream of that. I bought your book and I thought about reading it but then I just I realized they don't."
* "And that's something you believe? That we should compromise and just bend over, so to speak, to Big Car?"
* "I have a little side question for you James, because Drew and I are doing kind of a big pivot to politics because we wanted more followers. So is that something we need to keep in mind? That billionaire bad? Billionaire bad."
* "The thing that I'm struggling with is to say 'billionaire bad', but then I look at - what I struggle with with 'billionaire bad' is Bezos, Jeff Bezos. You wrote a book, James, and Jeff Bezos he's a man that opened a bookstore and he's a billionaire from opening a bookstore, so why is billionaire bad if book good?"

### Drew

* "Globe Hell Warning? All right, fuck it. I don't give a shit."
* "Exactly, the food [on planes] is no good. And also where does the piss and shit go when you use the toilet. Do they just drop it off the bottom of the plane?"
* [On the topic of attacking an innocent woman asking Drew for the time in a dark alley] "Well probably what I'd do is I'd just leg swoop her and then kinda catch her before she hits the ground and I'd then be like 'Are you asking me for the time or are you trying to pick my pocket?'."
* "We talked briefly about planes and how they just dump the piss and shit just straight out where it could drop onto anybody. Usually they try and do it over a body of water, but again there's people boating, there's fish and dolphins that could get mixed up into the shit and piss. Not to mention if there's a little bit of a Mile High Club going on and there's a flushed condom - imagine a sea otter choking on a used flushed condom fallen from the sky."
* "Maybe I'm being too negative, I just think that this truly is a globe hell. We're doing the globe hell warning right now, but we're living on a globe hell. And if we want to start moving towards a globe heaven, maybe it's time for us to all get onboard the World Wide Train."
* "Son of a bitch. You made me look like a fuckin' idiot."
* [On the subject of an independent local bookstore in Calgary he loves but where the owner is a killer, and about his question about whether it is still ethical to shop at that bookstore knowing about the owner's murder conviction and subsequent incarceration, because his hang-up is that the bookstore has a really cool atmosphere and has a lot of different books by Kevin J. Anderson] "Yeah he shot a kid in the head."
* "I think we're connected to reality, and I think we all agree that the piss, shit, and cum will be stored in the basement section of the train."

### James Wilt

* "I think that can be part of like the liberatory project of World Wide Train is like articulating a new vision for the world that's like centered around World Wide Train."
* [On the subject of the piss, shit, and cum being stored in the basement section of World Wide Train] "For what? Like... what are you gonna do with it?"

## Trivia

* This is the only episode to feature the full intro music sound collage that includes the cold wind blowing, the fires burning, the quote "The rich get richer, the poor get poorer", a dark synthy chillwave section, and barking dogs near a roaring train. Subsequent episodes would include only the dark synthy chillwave part of the sound collage.
* This is the first episode about a World Wide Train. The World Wide Train discussed in this episode would later be referred to as World Wide Train (noun) to avoid confusing it with World Wide Train (verb), as discussed in the tenth episode of the podcast.
* This is the first episode to feature a guest, who was author and train genius and hell-world guillotiner James Wilt.
* This episode is notable for being the episode that two-time Grammy award winning musician Nate Ruess slept through.
	+ Note: Twitter link.
* An official animatic version of a portion of this episode was released on the Globe Hell Patreon on March 11, 2022; nearly two years after the episode's original release. The animatic was art directed and animated by Ross McArthur.