Mista HAM

Brian

Pornius

Godfrey Rajesh Balasubrabezos

Q

Mista HAM invented racism. He also is racist. Mista HAM was born on January 17, 1976. His early life was troubled, with a divorce in his parents and much bullying from his peers. However, as he became more hammy, he became more gamer. When he reached his 19th birthday, he decided a change would have to be made. And so it was that Mista HAM invented racism.

### Birth

Mista HAM is the son of Old HAM and Brian Colculus (unrelated to Brian). He was born in a rental enterprise Hyundai Elantra in the South Brunswick police station parking lot on January 17, 1976, the very same second Lord V. Enterprises was announced to go public. Mista HAM was made up entirely of smoke at birth, but eventually was able to attain a solid human form.

### Early Life

Due to this, Mista HAM was used in many promotional materials for Lord V. Enterprises, and was even crowned the Lord V. baby. He spent much of his time in the recording studio as a child, even during his preschool years at Lord V. Enterprises. Mista HAM's first two friends were Brian (not related to his father) and Pornius. They initially had a fantastic relationship, but the relationship between Pornius and Brian became increasingly stressed as each day passed. Their breaking point was when Brian asked Pornius for a pencil. Filled with malice, Pornius told Brian that he was not a gamer, and punched him in the face. Brian and Pornius have been sworn enemies since then. Despite that fact, Mista HAM has remained friends with Brian and Pornius to this day. After graduating from preschool at Lord V. Enterprises, Mista HAM enrolled in elementary school at the Lord V. School of Elementary School Students. During his time there, Mista HAM was bullied over Brian Colculus' actions in 1989. The bullying took a physical and emotional toll on Mista HAM, and he battled depression for many years due to it.

### Parents' Divorce

When Mista HAM was in seventh grade, his parents' relationship broke down and they split apart. The trial was messy and lasted a week. By the end, both parents' funds were completely depleted. Brian Colculus gained custody of Mista HAM, with Old HAM only being able to visit on Sundays. This completely broke Mista HAM. The discord in his household and lack of proper parental figures caused him to turn to marijuana. Mista HAM's grades saw a sharp decline and he went through many administration visits. He even got suspended for two weeks for smoking marijuana in school. These issues persisted until the end of his eighth grade year.

### Inventing Homophobia

After Mista HAM graduated from middle school, he found himself dissatisfied with the state of current world affairs. He also had questions about his own sexuality. To answer these, he once again turned to marijuana. The weed god revealed to him that he was heterosexual and homosexual, but not bisexual. For some reason Mista HAM despised this divination. He liked men, but hated the fact that that was possible. Instead of accepting his misery, Mista HAM decided to pursue happiness. He worked on many different methods to counter his unhappiness, and found the ultimate method: homophobia. That was how Mista HAM invented homophobia.