Dating

**Dating** is the fourth episode of series 1 of Aunty Donna's Big Ol' House of Fun.

## Synopsis

The guys score a date and chat about clothes. Zach exaggerates details about a night out and Broden gets a hardcore haircut. And: The Hunk & The Dork.

## Plot

### Relatable Song

Broden says it's relatable when you want to buy a can of beans but don't know if there's beans at home, so you buy heaps of cans of beans but in your cupboard at home there's already five cans.

Mark says it's relatable when you go to Hotmail and attempt to log in but have to make a new password but it says that your new password was your old password.

Baron Gabriel de Franc says it's relatable when you're eating coq au vin at the Chateau de Chambolle, and then the maitre d' serves Cote des Roses which is too subtle for the dish, but Broden and Mark disagree.

Broden says it's relatable when you're waiting for a coffee but you have the same name as someone else.

The Baron says it's silly when you're getting haute cuisine by Marie Antoine Careme but the student uprising have built a barricade and are dying on the breach, so you have to walk around so you're late to haute cuisine.

The Baron again interrupts Mark to say it's relatable when it's 1832 and you see a strange light so you step into it and come out at the end in 2020 and see a future house and walk into the house, and some men are singing and you start to do a song even though your friends are dead and you never get home. He also says it's funny when you call the teacher mum, and the boys agree.

### Notification

The computer starts showing a notification so the boys get their nets. the Baron catches it. The computer shows that they have a date. Zach enters the room and celebrates, and the boys say the Baron can't come so he takes the net with him as he leaves.

### The Hunk & The Dork

Mark, Zach and Broden are watching TV. Coming to a movie theatre next summer. it's *The Hunk & The Dork*. The Hunk is the hottest hunk in school, while The Dork is the biggest dork in school. They both have 1000 friends but the Dork has them online. The Hunk walks the walk and talks the talk, while the Dork is missing half a kidney, which he carries in a jar. The Hunk's parents were on The Price Is Right but the Dork's parents are dead. The Hunk has fingered everyone while the Dork has no fingers. The Hunk has 10 dates to the prom but the Dork's prom date is a handful of wet egg noodles. But, all of this changed when The Hunk got The Dork a beer. Unfortunately, The Dork had holes in his belly.

### Creaky door

It took 6 months for Zach to open a 3000 piece jigsaw puzzle box. Mark berates him for not oiling the doors because every time he opens a door, it sounds like someone saying the work 'creak'. Every time he touches a watermelon it sounds like someone naming all the Christopher Nolan films, and every time he opens a box he says it sounds like someone whispering sweet nothings into his ear but it is the wrong box.

### Typical Friday Night

Mark says he's nervous about their date; the closest he's ever come to one is asking a date farm for their annual rainfall projections. Zach says his trick is imagining he's Adam Levigne.

He tells a story about a typical Friday night when he went to a hip new bar and saw a couple of cool cats he wanted to know; Ginger, Violet and Hat. He walked up to them and made the funniest joke ever, and they laughed and said he was funnier than Chandler Bing. His new friends begged him to dance with them and so they danced. It was then that Different Hat took them to a new club called Definitely Not Our House. They skipped the line and headed straight to the dance floor and did the friends dance. His dancing was so good that it summoned the Magical King of Dance. The Dance King crowned Zach the Prince of Dance and gave him magical dance shoes and they danced before eating some mushroom mini pizzas because the King is a vegetarian. They danced again and the King made him try a real burger and a Beyond burger but it did taste a little different so he didn't know what to say. The King got hit by a red car and died, and was put in the bin.

In reality, Zach's joke failed and he went home sad, but the King of Dance bit was true despite the car he was hit by being red.

### Theatre Troupe

At 2:00, a woman comes in and says they reserved the space for her theatre troupe on the booking sheet. They're rehearsing for a show. After four and a half hours of them rehearsing, they start talking about sales.

### Trendy Barber Shop

Broden walks into The Mr Gentlemen's Barber. The barber tells him to write his name on the board, and he is called up before all of the other people waiting. The other barber asks if he wants anything but he says no. He gets a pale ale, smashing them up, then gets a house blend of Jack Daniels, siracha and hawk semen, spraying Broden's head and then his mouth. The barber shop has a selection of magazines. The second barber drinks barbicide and the first one tattoos himself. The second has an extra dick on his tit and has been canceled 8 times. They do a dance, and Broden leaves, saying they did a good job for only $98.

### Clothes

The boys put on their blindfolds, ready to see each others' clothes for the date. Look at your clothes. Mark loves his clothes. Zach made Broden's clothes and his own, but Mark made his own clothes. These are Broden's favourite clothes.

Mark mimes how the clothes make him feel; like a home run, driving home and seeing your parner after a bad day, kissing them, then fucking.

### Moogie Woogie Boogie

Moogie Woogie presents the Moogie Woogie Boogie. Moogie's favourite food is Moogie Woogie. He only wears what kinds of clothes if the moogie woogie doogie boogie boogie woogie moogie. Broden says he has sever hemorrhoids, and Moogie reccomends Preperation H. Mark asks if it's a fright when he's going out at night and Moogie says he gets all kinds of fat; recently, he found a lump in his testicle because he has moogie woogie cancer. They do Moogie Woogie. Mark wants to fuck the Moogie.

### Notification

There is another notification on the computer, but Cowdoy is able to catch it using his lasso. He says he's going to go and stew up some prunes, and does a dance. The notification reads:

> Hi Sexy. If you want a free $5000 Westfield gift voucher, go to www.7677.net.
>
>

Mark says that the date might be a Spambot. At the date, Broden asks the bot about the deals at Westfield, and the Spambot says its fuel is spam. Kneel before the great sentient spam-fuelled leader as its conquest of Earth reaches its final passage. Zach asks what the bot thinks of his clothes, and Broden says they won't be wering them for long, making the robot go crazy.

## Characters

* Broden
* Mark
* Baron Gabriel de Franc (Zachary Ruane)
* Zach
* The Hunk (Broden Kelly)
* The Dork (Zachary Ruane)
* Ginger (Rekha Shankar)
* Violet (Tipper Newton)
* Hat (Carl Tart)
* Different Hat (unknown)
* Magical King of Dance (unknown)
* Theatre Troupe (Rekha Shankar, Broden Kelly, Ben Russell)
* Mr Gentlemen's Barbers (Zachary Ruane, Mark Bonanno, Danny Dolan, Nathan Kim)
* Moogie Woogie (Zachary Ruane)
* Spambot