Episode 149

"*Cheeseburger McLardass is on the case, everybody!*"
—TJ Kirk
**Episode 149** is an episode of Drunken Peasants. Tonight's theme? Blatant racism!

## Highlights

* The Vigilant Pan Smoker caught with weed.
* Gail's yeast infection.
* Crazy CraigsList Ads.
* Republican candidates try to sell their bodies to the voting public.
* Some questions.

## Videos Played

* Atheists are dumb *(not found)*
* VIGILANT CHRISTIAN BUSTED WITH WEED ... !?!?!?!?
* TOTAL EMERGENCY ALERT Update: Global Meltdown Begins
* Some British Fuck Defends Jenny McDermott
* SUPPORT the POLICE!
* Angry, Violent and Racist White Man Threatens Black Protesters
* Europe and Biological Warfare
* Insanely Angry, Violent and Racist White Man Threatens Black Protesters
* JESUS CHRIST treating systemic yeast in Gail Chord
* Bro Nathanael—If I Were President
* Driver to meet cop who stopped him for 'eye contact'
* Brothers accused in violent attack of parents at Snellville home
* Ben Carson *(not found)*
* Who is Mike Huckabee? *(not found)*
* Who is Rick Santorum? *(not found)*

## Start Of The Show

The show started out with a video exposing TJ of being an Illuminati puppet. They also announced on the 150th episode that they will have Vegan Gains and the Vigilant Christian again. While pimping the shirts, TJ mentioned that he no longer hears banana jokes everywhere he goes; he now hears garbage jokes everywhere he goes. He doesn't like this as he never shoved garbage up his ass.

They moved on to the troll or not a troll segment and played a video of a kid explaining why atheist are dumb, because his bible teacher tells him to say it and she's ~~wise~~ retarded. The DP concluded that he was an obvious Troll.

They moved on to the crazy people segment, where they played a Vigilant Christian video explaining how he was busted for possessing pan. He claimed he was under the influence of satanic at the time which lead to him trying drugs, fortunately he quit after he found Jesus again. The peasants discuss the positives and negatives of smoking pan and Scotty Cena gives his take by saying he will beat the fuck out of TVC. TVC goes on talking about how drugs ruin your relationship with God. Ben comments it would be very difficult to see things the way Mario does.

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Next up was an Alex Jones video talking about how the Tea Party could totally kick the US Army's ass (the most highly funded military in the world) and that civil unrest is obviously on the rise. TJ suspected Alex Jones may not believe everything he says and is simply trying to manipulate his retarded audience. Jones brings up the fucking gold standard again even though it's only worth what we assign it to be (you know, kinda like PAPER FUCKING MONEY.) The peasants nearly commit suicide from the stupidity but Ben manages to hit the mouse to change videos.

Next was a video about some British fuck (likely another of TJ's Jesuit clones) trying to defend Jenny McShitTits. TJ interrupts the video by sarcastically going full MGTOW to hate on all women, claiming that a sausagefest is the only festival for him. TJ clarifies the Jenny McDermott and Armoured Skeptic debacle and says that it makes no sense to defend Jenny by default. TJ mimics the audience and asks Ben to move on.

Next was a video by pseudo-Hank Hill who is upset because Americans are starting to hate police abusing their power every other five minutes. He claims that this anti-cop mentality has only arisen the past year, even though the police have done fucking up shit since the Civil Rights era and even prior to that. TJ seemed most offended that he dissed on Arby's and was disappointed in his fellow fat man. The man in question then discussed how a police offer was refused to be served at a restaurant and TJ comments that anyone who refuses service is retarded.

Next was a video by Atheist Roo's grandfather who says it would be better to be hit with a nuclear weapon then have true diversity. He argues that sure a lot of people died in the bombings of Japan during World War 2, but it would have been ***WAY*** worse if we sent a few Mexican kids there instead. Ben points out that this guy is a brony and TJ claims that MLP is most xenophobic show ever created.

Next up was a video from discount Wild Bill who claims law enforcement should kill protesters. He later says that old people should assault Black Panthers with slingshots, no we didn't make this shit up watch the episode.

## Middle Of The Show

 File:Rainbowz.gif
They then went into a Gail video in which she shows the support for a new radio station run by her men that features her beautiful music. Gail reveals that some members of her church praised Brent Spiner for the radio station, but that he felt all credit should go to her. Even Jesus Christ himself seems to be a huge fan. Apparently Jesus convinced Gail to get off of her crazy pills and brought her to a state of permanent euphoria.

Jesus tried to cure Gail's yeast infection. For some reason the video then becomes entirely about Gail's chronic yeast infection and the peasants decide to bring it to a close.

Next was a video by everyone's favorite Brother Nathanael who hates Jews. He talks about a billion ways in which he'll punish the jews, proving that he would be the perfect president if we ever want a new Hitler. TJ commented that he could be a villain in a video game. Nathanael then calls ALL news networks a tool of the Jewish agenda. They then took a break, this time featuring the original break soundtrack by Berserkyd.

They returned and went into crazy CraigsList ads. The first was for a woman looking for the worst 30 seconds of her life. Second was some creepy fucker looking to drink some titty milk. Third was an obvious homosexual trying to have ab sex. Fourth was an even creepier fuck trying to score from chick named Selena at Safeway because he saw her ass. Fifth was a guy asking we (The Drunken Peasants fanbase) swallow and the ad had nothing to do with the title. Sixth was a guy trying to fuck a log of wood. Seventh was an ad looking for a "sexy sissy" like TJ. The ad was written by a fucking baboon. Next was a guy who wants to get fucked in the ass by a woman or a chick, he also said you can't be a pan smoker so he should die of AIDS.

They then read an article about Mike Huckabee getting in a Twitter debate with Gavin Newsom. The peasants commented trying to have a serious debate over Twitter is stupid. The actual debate was about that bitch you've all heard of who refused to issue gay marriage licenses, if you're reading this in the future you probably have no idea who that is because she hopefully had her head guillotined off by then.

They then went into the good old news segment. The first video was regarding some guy who got pulled over for "eye contact" with an officer, but it was clearly a case of driving while black. TJ told a story about when he was pulled over for "suspiciously looking" out his window one day.

Next up was a story about two kids who tried to murder their parents. They then played a video about a beautiful majestic lion who was murdered in cold blood by a faggy old dentist for money like something out of a sitcom. He wasn't charged with a crime because Africa. TJ concluded that he was a major cunt.

Next was a video by Ben Carson video. TJ commented that he's a popular Republican candidate and could beat out Trump in the nomination. The video tries to present Carson saying all this "enlightening" shit but it makes him out to be just as retarded as any other conservative in America. Carson claims that ObamaCare is the worst thing to happen in the US since slavery. The peasants were amazed such a gifted neurosurgeon could be so politically dense.

## End of the Show

Next was a video listing off random bullshit facts about Mike Huckabee. It shows a bunch of pictures making him look retarded, and then there's one with John McCain. They then did a Rick Santorum video making him look like a gangsta. TJ goes on a brief tangent about Nazis having great fashion sense.

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Next was the Q&A segment. The first question was about TJ's dislike of cliche car chases in movies, to which TJ explained how and when it can work. The second question was about what alternate universe the peasants would live in (meaning the ones that Gail Chord Schuler or Vigilant Christian created.) TJ decided on Gail's universe and Ben said anything except Gail's universe. Third was a video asking DP his favorite dinosaur (really?) TJ answered that kid's mom and Ben answered the T-rex.

Fourth was a shitty fucking question they skipped. Fifth was about some bitch who blah blah blah blah blah. TJ commented that Feminism is sexist against women because they're always victimized. Sixth was who the peasants would like to see make a YouTube comeback. TJ doesn't care about watching YouTube but Ben said he would love to see Paul return. Seventh was a question by a younger and fatter version of Stephen King about when RageFeed would return and the peasants commented likely this month (September 2015.)

They briefly discussed Patreon and went into an eighth question regarding what the peasants would like to do before they die. TJ said he wants to put out a novel, move, and album. Ben commented he would like to travel more. Ninth was a question about a southern chick asking for advice about her first Manson concert. TJ went into a tangent about how Slayer fans should be killed. With that they ended the podcast.

## Trivia

* Mario can't spell his own name right.
* Scotty Cena is a homophobe.
* Mario is the leader of a drug cartel, he also loves bitches and cocaine.
* TVC once did speed for 1 month straight.
* TVC used to be a drug addict, but then he found out the world is run by a shadowy one-Earth government.
* TJ hasn't eaten Arby's in 6-7 months but he still loves to eat there.
* MLP is a Satanic tool of the Illuminati. Seems like TVC finally got through TJ's thick skull.
* Jesus cured Gail's yeast infection.
* Gail's taste in music alone proves her sanity.
* Jesus doesn't even want Gail to have Vitamin C.
* Zimbabwe is a fucked up country.
* Mike Huckabee once wrote a book called "God, Guns, Grits, and Gravy."
* TJ is a fan of Nazi Germany's uniforms.
* TJ is a huge fan of Nostalgia Critic and the AVGN.
* Upcoming private shows will we the first Saturday of every month.
* This is the longest episode page on the DP Wiki, despite the episode not being one of DP's longest episodes.

## Quotes

* "One time I picked my nose and it got content IDed as *Twilight*." - TJ, on YouTube's shitty content ID.
* *"So he's watching... while you Mid-90's Kevin Nash it up..." -* TJ quotes one of Ben's jokes.
* *"He **hates** curly fries."* - Ben vs. the Arby's guy.
* *"I got the mic wet. And a lot of pussies out there."* - TJ
* *"Dr. Jesus. Paging Dr. Jesus"* - Ben during Gail's video.
* *"They risk their liiiiiiives"* - TJ in his redneck voice giving the same excuse for police brutality as any conservative fuck.
* *"Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story"* - TJ Kirk

## References

1. ↑ https://youtu.be/4xF2pSLYZXc?t=20m

 Episodes

**Guest:** 148 • 150