Wolverines of Doom

**Wolverines of Doom** is a fantasy epic written mainly by Nate.

Donkey King's Sister aka the Donkey Queen - King Lingle's love interest

The evil witch - a nefarious sorceress with crunchy black hair

Wolfley and Estivy - The evil witches two guard dogs

#### The South - The Lingle Kingdom

King Lingle - Thrust into a position of power after the death of his grandmother. Quiet, mumbling, scheming.

The Stoned Raiders - brutal enforces of King Lingles will

#### The Resistance

##### The magical beings

The White Witch - powerful spellbinder

The Blue Dream Catcher - invades dreams to feed, together with the White Witch gives the heroes their new name

##### The Brothel Staff

The Wench - A man who the whole town loves

The Priest - A joyful priest, his special power is his tornado tongue

##### The Mysterious Fighters

The Purple one - a muscular rock-breaker, joined by his ratty black dog

The Orange one - a mysterious Knight with the ability to disappear and reappear

The Red one - a jester known for his red mullet and very cool clothes. Quick tempered, angered by people who don't understand his jokes

##### The three Pimps

Wimpy T - takes long vacations despite not knowing how to ride a horse

Simpy D - known for locking and unlocking doors and various "other" contraptions

Shrimpy N - definitely 5'10", has the ability to shrink down to almost ant-like size and back to normal again

## Prologue

Released in the Eponymous Season 4.5 Episode 8 December 8th 2023.

**Prologue - recap**

*(Note: Obviously, the story is much more complex than a mere wiki could capture. So be sure to listen to the entire thing! It starts around 17 minutes into the episode.)*

The story begins hundreds of years ago, in a realm far, far away, split into north and south kingdoms. The people of the north had become fed up with their ruler, the Donkey king Rosserson. Rosserson in turn had a great disdain for the people he ruled over. They would never see his plays he kept putting on, spending a great deal of the family fortune on this doomed endeavor. The people would only make it through the day by drinking large amounts of ale. Donkey king Rosserson decided to capitalize on this by replacing all the ale with HARD AF Seltzer, which was so horrid to the people that they just gave up drinking entirely, thus becoming truly miserable.

In the south, the land of the Lingles, King Lingle ruled the people with an iron fist. He enforced his will through a brutal military force called the Stoned Raiders. They would dig multiple holes, and force the people to live in these holes, all in the kingdoms back yard. When the old Queen, his Grandma died, he took over the Kingdom. He was a nasty man, rapping freestyles that none of the people could understand, audibly or semantically. This would enrage him, so he tortured them in retaliation.

The only entertainment the people had was stick figure cave art, that King Lingle stole from nearby caves, claiming to have made them himself. He often would (accidentally) let racoons into the castle that have killed several prospective queens, leading King Lingle to remain unwed. But just when all hope seemed lost, he discovered a beautiful woman that was starring in one of the Donkey Kings plays, which he had funded and sent to be performed for his friend, King Lingle. She had ratty read hair, gigantic gums and googly eyes - it was none other than the sister of the Donkey King himself!

King Lingle instantly asked for her hand in marriage and famously said "*Your sis, will make us fam.*" Donkey King Rosserson, financially ruined and despised by his people, agreed to it in hopes of saving his own hide. But upon the merging of the Kingdoms, all hell broke loose. Racoons ran amok, crops of sticky-icky hemp got spoiled, and the people of the CCU were forced to hear the cackling hee-ing and haw-ing of the newlyweds, echoing throughout the kingdom day in, day out.

But in one small town, a resistance to the tyrants was brewing.

Under the cover of a raunchy brothel, three unlikely allies would meet, a purple one, a red one and an orange one - each with their own special abilities and strengths. Brought together by a mysterious White Witch and Blue Dream Catcher, who invaded all the dreams and Phantasies of the CCU to find suitable heroes.

In the basement of the brothel, under the cover of raucous lovemaking, its three owners (also known as the three pimps) trained incessantly to become strong enough to one day defeat King Lingle and Donkey King Rosserson.

The mysterious Dreamcatcher and the White WItch would unite the three pimps with the mysterious fighters together to defeat their evil rulers, and imparted a special name onto them; **The Wolverines of Doom**.

## Chapter 1: "...and I can fuck ‘til you’re speaking in tongues”

Released 15th of December, 2023 as part of Season4.5 Episode 9: The Purple One

**Chapter 1 - recap**

The People of the North have the reputation to be the hardest working people in the CCU

Their Ancient scripture read: Work hard, play hard. And they did both!

After Painting Barns, Smashing rocks and paving Driveways, they would drink Ale and eat raw beef at local Ruth’s Chris.

The nights up north grew long and strange time warps happened, where suddenly your hours were all mixed up.

They had crazy fantasies and sexual situations.

The wildest of them was **the purple one** who, unsolicited, would brag about his sexcapades with his wife, both of them were nasty. And the purple one broadcast these all throughout the long.

He had magnificent hair that he often flaunted, and as soon as it caught a ladies attention or ire, he would flash his throbbing purple cock at them.

He boasted about once having a fling with a Pwincess from the East.

One day, as he was smashing rocks on the set of one of the Donkey Kings theatrical sets, he was hit by a stray cannonball landed next to the purple one and the stray shrapnel tore the top of his scalp clean off! He was left with but a rat-tail attached.

All this for a play that noted critic of the time Keith loves theatre called "If Shakespeare was kicked in the brain by a donkey, 8/10."

The Purple one swore revenge at the Donkey king for his eternal disfigurement, and donned a Bandana on his head to hide the lack of locks.

Unfortunately, this also lead to his wife becoming distant and their relationship began to crumble, only making love 8-10 times a week.

The Purple one would retire to his basement and workout, all the while plotting his revenge.

The White Witch and Blue Dream Catcher had chosen him because this had made him so strong.

Further, he could see in the dark! Which helped in the dark north and in the sack. But over time, his vision faded, and everything became blurry as if looking through a smudged lense. But he thought it looked cool and artistic.

One day, he saw a white hawk chasing a small blue bunny, and for some reason told his Dog to go get it. But the Dog was so old and just coughed and lied down. Angrily, the Purple one rushed over to where he saw the hawk. But upon seeing the cute blue bunny, he was conked over the head!

He had a magical dream of the future where everything was very different, but eerily similar to his life. He had a glimpse of himself finding a magical box that allowed him to talk to many people across the CCU at once, which made him super confident and sending dick pics to many women. But suddenly, the dream turned into a nightmare, where King Lingle had banned dick picks that where deemed woke, and the Donkey King was back pushing cans of Hard AF ale. But, during the Donkey Kings speech on the box, he saw the director of the play who was responsible for his misery (the accident).

Then, he regained consciousness, and heard someone ask him if he was gonna fuck them or not. A white oaf stood over him, but someone else ordered the oaf away. Then three mysterious and well spoken heroes approached him and introduced themselves as Shrimpy N, Simpy D and Wimpy T.

Together with the White Witch and Blue Dreamcatcher, they told him about their special mission, and after a bit of a fuss, he agreed to join them in exchange for telling him where the Director of the play was that caused his disfigurement.

## Chapter 2: “Country Gold, King Daryl, and the Hawks”

Released January 5th 2024 in Season 4.5 Episode 10: Back to Beesics

Themes of Revolution throughout the entire chapter. We get introduced to several new characters and factions.

**Chapter 2 - Recap**

We learn that the time period before King Lingle asked for the Queens hand was referred to as the era before “Sis made us Fam”, of SMUF.

We’re introduced to several characters who had already taken up battle against the evil overlords pre-SMUF, called HAWK (Hard Authentic Working Kings).

**King Daryl** – founder of HAWK, banished to the isolated and frozen island of Calgary. Beloved by all until his usurping by the Donkey King Hee Haw. Once a week, he would stand on his balcony and sing or shout to the people through a megaphone, a spectacle called ‘Country Gold’.

**Sir Michael Timmins** – A loyal knight. However he would yell song requests to King Daryl during Country Gold and make continued unnecessary comments, distracting him from the flow. Eventually he was completely ignored, which lead to a feud. This escalated so far that Sir Timmins was banished from the event, but still kept on as a trusted night. But eventually he was banished fully and exiled to Calgary island.

The Donkeys of the North saw this feud as an opportunity to seize control of the CCU, which they did, and within a day, King Daryl was also forced to flee to Calgary. Its unsure if Daryl and Sir Timmins ever rejoined forces in Calgary. Shortly after, the newly exiled King Daryl wrote his old friend King Kitty, the King of the West for assistance. The people of the West were largely independent and secluded from the rest of the CCU, however they did have one issue with the other Kingdoms: Queen Lingle's grandchild Justinius had accidentally let too many racoons into the south, and now they had begun to migrate west and started to ravage and annoy the people there. This beef between South and West CCU would never have happened if the Racoons had just stayed on Racoon Island where they were ruled by the (freshly re-assassinated) King Chomper Ninety-four.

**King Kitty** – Ruler of the Western Kingdom. Had a speech impediment that made it sound like he was talking in baby talk. Since he wanted the Racoon invasion to stop, he offered up his son, Pwince Hillawy, to join HAWK.

**Pwince Hillawy** - Wanted to become a famous jester, but his father disapproved and made him join forces with King Daryl. Spent all the Money for the revolution on hot-wings and shitty tattoos and made a panting face every time a woman walked by. After one open jestering night never returned to King Daryls couch.

**Pwincess Kitty** also lives there, but doesn't have a big part in this chapter. Probably busy watching the mañana sunsets.

The Island of Calgary, due to its freezing cold temperatures, has weally weally good ice cweam. The people there, mainly due to the weather but also because of some sexual kinks, were mostly shut-ins. Whenever they did actually leave their homes to get more ice cream, they were bombarded by strong hallucinations from the weather or the kink, causing them to see dinosaurs where there clearlyweren’t any.

**Awesome Joseph** **aka AJ** - freshly divorced Ex-King/husband of the evil witch-queen. A very chill, all-around great guy who made a bad decision to marry a dumb attention deprived racist bitch. Had a rise-and-grind mindset. Upon King Daryls request, joined up with HAWK.

**The Ant Queen and the Ants** – A drop dead sexy queen who could make anyone fall in love with her. However, she had no interest in the world above ground and its many problems, so she declined King Daryl's invitation.

**The Red Queen** – Newly dawned ruler of the Simp-city Catholics. She also could not join HAWK since she was embroiled in a bitter holy war with the Religious Witchy, and couldn’t spare any of her simps to take up arms.

**The Religious Witchy** – evil crazy bitch, fighting the Red Queen.

**The Murphy’s aka the bastards of the CCU** – Immigrated from god-knows-where many decades ago, considered themselves royalty. A large and insular, yet very flashy group. The Murphys are also famed handymen, paving the paths into castles, tiling its many spires, and crashing wagons. At the time of Daryl’s request, they were in a major billing dispute with Queen Lingle, because the paint they used for her castle and claimed would last at least 5 years had washed right off after the first rain. However, when she sought to complain, the Murphys were already long gone. They even took out a life insurance policy in the old queens name, so they were happy to help King Daryl in his quest. They joined up under the condition that they would get an exclusive contract to re-tile and re-pave each castle in the kingdom. In his desperation, King Daryl agreed to their request.

**King R-dub** – The serious and commanding leader of the Murphys, with an intimidating look. Rumored to be in poor health.

**Queen R-dub** – Very very very young queen of the Murphys

**Xander the Great** - Nephew/Brother/Boyfriend/Grandfather of Queen R-dub. Offered up in King R-dub’s place, but ultimately rejected by King Daryl.

Once the members of HAWK were selected, they descended upon King Daryls apartment in Calgary Island, where they planned their revolution and takeover. Unfortunately soon after, Pwince Hillawy went off with some wenches at a bar one night and never returned to King Daryls couch, or HAWK for that matter. Despite this, he tried to remain optimistic. But then, a message written in Crayon arrived – it was penned by Queen R-dub! She said King R-dub was definitely doing great, definitely didn’t have a stroke and definitely wasn’t dead. Also she asked him for some money she would definitely NOT spend on a vacation she would take with her sons. In King R-dubs stead she offered to send her Nephew/Brother/Boyfriend/Grandfather, Xander the Great. But Daryl declined, and decided that just Awesome Joseph and him were enough to get the job done.

He came up with a genious plan, to have AJ be a double agent by auditioning for a role in one of the Donkey King’s plays which was set to be directed and star King Rossersons oldest and bestest and mentally unstablest friend. On opening night, which King Rosserson would surely attend, AJ would assassinate him. As fate would have it, he did indeed get cast for the part of “White man”. After months of prep, everyone from around the CCU had come to see the production. King Daryl also came, albeit disguised in a very scary wolf mask. During the second act, the lead actor/director was supposed to throw a bottle of green tea at AJ’s character. But AJ had secretly filled acid into the bottle, planning to catch it and then pour it over the donkey king’s head. But the plan hit many snags. The play was so boring and stupid that King Rosserson didn’t even return to his seat after the intermission and just went home, like most of the crowd. To make matters worse, the lead actor was so enraged by the lack of interest from the audience he angrily threw the bottle of acid onto Awesome Joseph, melting his face! The remaining audience thought this was all part of the show and its grand finale, and they loved it, giving a 10-minute standing ovation! Keithlovestheatre even called it a massive success. Feeling vindicated, King Rosserson and the lead actor then claimed this was all part of the plot the whole time, and for the rest of the season, a different actor was drenched in acid each night.

Frustrated, King Daryl dropped his scary wolf mask and ran back to Calgary, and hadn’t been heard of since.

The Moral was: *Most* revolutions take time; *most* revolutions take patience. And thanks to the failures of those before them, nobody understood how difficult and intricate this process was going to be than the Wolverines of Doom.

## Trivia

Nate actually drew a Map of the CCU to help him organize the whole story, Game of Thrones style. He may upload it at one point, and if that ever happens it will be published here as well.

Nate writes these all out on his Phone.

The Chapters will eventually be posted on the Patreon. Nate will send them to Drew, who may or may not heavily edit them and then upload them. Patreon.com/Claynecast

## Naming Controversy

Nate has clarified angrily that the story is called "Wolverines of Doom", not "The Wolverines of Doom".