Professor Chaos/Quotes

File:Professor-Chaos-Quote.jpg
This page lists all notable quotes voiced out by Professor Chaos (Butters Stotch) in *South Park: The Fractured But Whole*.

## Overview

Professor Chaos dedicates himself to spreading chaos, which is reflected in his quotes. However, he also acts caring towards his allies.

## Field/Story

* **During The Hundred Hands of Chaos**
	+ "Well, well, you actually made it to the end, Coon Friends."
* **During The Chaos Gambit**
	+ "That's like a new electric lock my dad put on the door cuz once, when I was grounded, I tried to leave to go to the bathroom."
	+ "I gotta get outta here before my dad regains consciousness."
* **During Bring the Crunch**
	+ "Real blood?! You mean this is really real? Oh, god, we're all gonna die!"
	+ "HOLY SHIT! What the fuck was that?!"
	+ "Timmy, how could you!"
* **When using Haywire**
	+ **Appearing to The New Kid**
		- "CHAOS!"
		- "Here comes the CHAOS!"
		- "WHO SUMMONS CHAOS? Oh, hey there, New Kid."
	+ **Appearing to The New Kid in master bedroom of Butters' House**
		- "Whoa uh...I'm not supposed to be in here, but OK!"
	+ **Appearing to The New Kid in Forensics Room of Park County Police station**
		- "Oh jeez! You didn't do all that, did you, New Kid?"
	+ **Appearing to The New Kid in laboratory of Mephesto Genetics Lab**
		- "Oh jeez New Kid, you're in quite a pickle!"
	+ **Stuffing the Flying Minion into The New Kid's rear**
		- "Come here little guy!"
		- "There there, minion..."
		- "In you go."
		- "C'mere little minion..."
	+ **If failed**
		- "Aw, hamburgers!"
		- "Try aiming for the wires, New Kid."
		- "Poor little guy. Looks like he died for nothing."
		- "Muwahaha! Hitting next to the target is the essence of Chaos!"
		- "I'm sorry! I'll put it in better next time!"
	+ **After successfully using Haywire**
		- "Oh wow!"
	+ **Leaving**
		- "Chaos is its own reward!"
		- "Mwahaha, bye!"
		- "See ya!"
		- "Bye!"
	+ **Leaving master bedroom of Butters' House**
		- "OK, I'm outta here, bye!"
	+ **Leaving Forensics Room of Park County Police station**
		- "OK, I'm gonna get out of here now."
	+ **Leaving laboratory of Mephesto Genetics Lab**
		- "Good luck fixing that tram so that we can all live!"
* **Female New Kid idle**
	+ "Hey, Butthole. Anyone told you for a boy, you're kinda pretty?"
* **Talked to**
	+ "CHAOS!"
* **Talked to, after completing The Chaos Gambit**
	+ "Muahahah! Everything is going acording to plan."
	+ "Joining Freedom Pals sure was the right decision, eh New Kid?"
	+ "Can you believe this place, New Kid? Freedom Pals don't mess around!"
* **Taking a selfie with the New Kid**
	+ "Wuh huh huh... the Professor will gladly selfie with his new ally!"
* **After selfie**
	+ "Wuahahaha - what a CHAOTIC portrait!!"
* **After selfie with Final Girl New Kid**
	+ "Chaos and Final Girl, BFFs."
* **Attacked**
	+ "Hey c'mon, no horseplay."
	+ "C'mon stop it."
	+ "Quit it!"
	+ "You have annoyed Professor Chaos!"
* **Farted on**
	+ "No thank you."
	+ "Oh jeez!"
	+ "Oh my!"
* **Farted on, The Chaos Gambit**
	+ "Well, I appreciate you tryin' to cheer me up, New Kid, but it ain't workin' too good."

## Battle

* **Selected**
	+ "Oh hamburgers!"
	+ "Muahahahahahahaha!"
	+ "PROFESSOR CHAOS!"
* **Battle start**
	+ "Oh, it looks like a rumble!"
	+ "I feel a lot of Chaos comin' on!"
	+ "Minions, assemble!"
* **Battle start, first battle versus Chaos Kids**
	+ "You're no match for my army, Coon Friends!"
* **Battle start with Mecha Minion Chaos Supreme**
	+ "Meet your Mecha Supreme doom!"
* **Battle start, The Invitation**
	+ "WAHAHA, Chaos's money goes only to his minions' competitive healthcare plans!"
* **Battle start, versus Shub-Niggurath**
	+ "Fellas, we need to help that lady!"
* **Turn start**
	+ "Bad news, villains: I'm a good guy now."
	+ "Chaos is coming for you!"
	+ "Muwahahaha!! Remember this day, for it is the day you die!"
	+ "I'm pretty sure I'm up, fellas."
	+ "Prepare to suffer, fools!"
	+ "Chaos is on the rise!"
	+ "Prepare for maximum Chaos!"
	+ "Prepare for your doom!"
	+ "Oh, boy! Some serious havoc is about to be wreaked!"
	+ "Oh, here I go, guys, make some room!"
* **Turn start versus Stephen Stotch**
	+ "Hey dad, you may have noticed but I'm kind of a superhero now."
	+ "Now if I hurt you, Dad, it's Professor Chaos doing it, not your son, now."
* **Turn start versus Spontaneous Bootay**
	+ "We better get to that shed or we're toast, you guys!"
* **Turn start versus the Zarganor, first phase**
	+ "Wow, this is a real pickle."
* **Turn start versus the Zarganor, second phase**
	+ "I'm probably gonna have bad dreams about this bad dream."
	+ "I don't think I like being in Doctor Timothy's brain."
	+ "Doctor Timothy doesn't look so good, you guys."
* **Turn start versus Milk Monsters**
	+ "I'm definitely gonna have nightmares about milk monsters, you guys!"
* **Ally turn start versus Spontaneous Bootay**
	+ "Keep going! I don't wanna die!"
	+ "If we can make it to that shed, maybe we'll live!"
	+ "Oh jeez, we definitely can't handle this bootay!"
	+ "Oh gosh, its just too Bootaylicious!"
* **New Kid turn start versus Monsters**
	+ "New Kid, please do something to get rid of these monsters..."
* **Monster turn start, first battle against Monsters**
	+ "Man, these things are scary!"
* **Idle**
	+ "Oh hamburgers, sorry for making you wait. I'm sure I'll attack soon!"
	+ "Hmmm... Who to attack for great Chaos..."
	+ "I shall resume spreading Chaos shortly, I promise!"
* **Self or ally idle**
	+ "Gee, I wonder how my minions are doing."
	+ "Muwahaha! Muuuwaaahaaa! Muwwwwaaaa!"
* **After attacking Almighty King Douchebag**
	+ "Stupid king!"
* **Using Chaos Blast**
	+ "For Chaos!"
	+ "Chaos!"
* **After using Chaos Blast**
	+ "I'm workin' the Chaos guys, isn't this fun?"
	+ "Plenty more Chaos where that came from!"
	+ "Oh yeah, that's some good Chaos right there."
* **After using Chaos Blast on the Zarganor**
	+ "Have a taste of chaos, you mean alien!"
* **After using Chaos Blast or Chaos Confuse-O-Tron**
	+ "There shall be no order from Chaos, do you hear me?"
* **After using Chaos Confuse-O-Tron**
	+ "Bet you can feel the Chaos now!"
	+ "This plan is foolproof!"
	+ "Wait for it..."
	+ "It's about to get a lot more shocking in here!"
	+ "Oh, watch this you guys, this is gonna be so good!"
* **Using Chaos Minion**
	+ "Go forth, minion!"
	+ "Get to work, minion!"
	+ "¡Vámonos!"
	+ "Get 'em!"
	+ "You're on the clock, minion!"
* **Ultimate ready**
	+ "Hey, fellas? Wanna see my Hammer of Chaos? It's pretty neat."
	+ "My Hammer is ready to bring Chaos to all who defy me!"
	+ "It is time to unleash my greatest weapon, the Hammer of Chaos!"
* **After ally attacking**
	+ "Gee whiz, that must've hurt bad!"
	+ "You've made the world a better place...for Chaos!"
	+ "The forces of Chaos are smiling upon you!"
	+ "Yes... Feel the Chaos flowing through you..."
* **After Call Girl using Flash Mob or Phone Destroyer**
	+ "Oh, man! That was super cool!"
* **After Fastpass attacking**
	+ "Wish I could move like that when my dad is in one of his moods..."
* **After Fastpass using Hit and Run**
	+ "Oh, wow! Oh, jeez! You guys see that?"
* **After Human Kite using Laser Burn**
	+ "Whoa! Excellently smote, Human Kite!"
* **After Mintberry Crunch using Berry Blast**
	+ "All that mint and berry's gonna make everybody all sticky."
* **After Mosquito attacking**
	+ "I always thought mosquitoes were pretty neat."
	+ "I like your style. Care to join my minions?"
* **After Mosquito using Skeeter Swarm**
	+ "Muahahaha! Embrace the Chaos! Really just hug the crap out of it!"
* **After New Kid attacking**
	+ "Real nice one, New Kid!"
	+ "That's my Butthole! Um, our Butthole, I mean."
	+ "I bet your parents are super proud of you."
	+ "Hmm, I like the way you make Chaos!"
* **After New Kid using Backfire Blast**
	+ "Behold as our enemies barf and burn in fear of your ass-blast!"
* **After New Kid using Dragon Swagger**
	+ "Oh, I think you made 'em mad, New Kid."
* **After New Kid using Elemental Onslaught**
	+ "Gee, you really know how to use that, New Kid!"
	+ "Muhahaha! What a perfect shitstorm, ButtLord!"
* **After New Kid using Final Vengeance, Final Girl tutorial battle**
	+ "Holy crap, that's dangerous!"
* **After Toolshed using Drillslinger**
	+ "Dad doesn't let me watch him play with his tools."
* **After Super Craig attacking**
	+ "Guys, guys, Super Craig is doing some super-cool stuff!"
* **After Super Craig using Shining Hate Finger**
	+ "You are capable of some grade-A Chaos when you put your mind on it."
* **After Tupperware using Tupper Tornado**
	+ "Well, that was some state-of-the-art butt-whipping!"
* **After Wonder Tweek using Supreme Lightning and Icicle Strike**
	+ "The forecast calls for scattered showers...with a chance of Chaos!"
* **After Wonder Tweek using Icicle Strike**
	+ "Oh, wow! I'd hate to be that guy's underpants!"
* **Fastpass defeated, The Hundred Hands of Chaos**
	+ "Well, that sure was fast."
* **Mosquito defeated, The Hundred Hands of Chaos**
	+ "Behold, minions! They let their weakest behind to die pitifully..."
* **After a Timefart Glitch**
	+ "Sorry about your turn."
* **After a Timefart Pause**
	+ "Oh c'mon, it didn't smell that bad."
* **After a Timefart Summon**
	+ "Oh, Fartlord's got a minion now. Neato!"
	+ "Was that fella hiding in your rectum this whole time?"
* **Healing item**
	+ "Chaos!"
* **After using healing item on self**
	+ "I got that healing feeling!"
* **Healed**
	+ "Gee thanks!"
	+ "Chaos has never been this focused!"
	+ "Thanks!"
	+ "Oh yeah, I feel better."
	+ "Oh wow, I needed that."
* **Reviving**
	+ "It's too nice out to play dead!"
	+ "Chaos commands you to rise!"
	+ "There's a buddy!"
	+ "Come back to life, OK?"
* **Revived**
	+ "Gee, thanks, it's no fun being dead."
	+ "It is I, Professor Chaos. Did you miss me?"
	+ "Thanks, if I was knocked out much longer I might have gotten grounded!"
* **Enemy revived by haunted dirt, Bring the Crunch**
	+ "That Indian dirt keeps reviving all our corpses!"
	+ "Oh jeez, the dirt keeps bringin' 'em back to life!"
* **Attacked**
	+ "I'm sure glad I splurged on the heavy duty tin foil!"
	+ "You dare lay a hand on Professor Chaos?!"
	+ "OK, just shake it off, Professor."
	+ "C'mon, leave me alone!"
	+ "My grandma hits harder than that... ...Way harder."
	+ "Heck!"
	+ "Knock it off!"
	+ "Leave me alone!"
* **Attacked by Monster**
	+ "Uh-oh, a little pee came out again, you guys."
* **Attacked by Milk Monster**
	+ "Eww, I'm all damp now."
* **After Nightmare Timothy blocking ability**
	+ "W-well shucks, I liked that power."
* **Attacked, Farts of Future Past**
	+ "Hey, pick on the Butters in your own timeline!"
* **Ally attacked**
	+ "Uh, you kinda look worse for the wear, buddy."
	+ "Be careful, you don't look so hot..."
* **Minted ally attacked by Berried enemy**
	+ "Saved by mint!"
* **Toolshed attacked, The Hundred Hands of Chaos**
	+ "Yes, yes! Take out the power tool!"
* **Ally Attack Up**
	+ "You look really intense right now!"
* **Enemy Berried**
	+ "I'm ready to get those berry guys!"
* **Bleeding**
	+ "Fellas, the blood spatter is really cool, but it's freaking me out."
* **Ally Bleeding**
	+ "Oh no, You're [sic] getting blood all over your costume!"
* **Enemy Bleeding or Hemorrhaging, Bring the Crunch**
	+ "The Final Girl's nice and all, but all this blood is kinda gross!"
* **Burning**
	+ "Gosh, these flames look super-real, fellas..."
* **Confused**
	+ "I feel a lot more confused than usual, fellas."
* **Charmed**
	+ "I'm, uh, just gonna fight for the enemy for a bit..."
	+ "Hey, hey fellas, I'm with the other guys now ok?"
	+ "Nobody's gonna miss me if I switch sides, right?"
* **Grossed Out**
	+ "Oh no, my lunch! I'm gonna get grounded!"
* **Hemorrhaging inflicted to enemy**
	+ "I don't think nothin' can fix a cut like that."
	+ "Shoulda worn safety glasses, hah!"
* **Hemorrhaging inflicted to Monster**
	+ "That's a nasty looking cut, Mr. Monster."
* **Defeated**
	+ "I'm OK... I'm fine... Auuugh..."
	+ "Could this be the end...of Chaos?"
* **Ally defeated**
	+ "We can still do this, superfriends!"
	+ "Professor Chaos will avenge you!"
	+ "Friend down! Friend down!"
* **Toolshed defeated, The Hundred Hands of Chaos**
	+ "You should have never gone back to join Coon and Friends!"
* **Victory**
	+ "We couldn't have done it without Chaos!"
	+ "Muhahaha! Victory!"
	+ "We super won!"
	+ "Hey fellas, that was super neat!"
	+ "Wow that was some nice fightin', guys."
* **Victory, New Kid defeated**
	+ "You can stop playing dead, New Kid. We beat them."
* **Victory, The Hundred Hands of Chaos**
	+ "Muhahaha! Tremble before the master of Chaos! ...That's, that's me, minions, in case you missed it."
* **Dialogue**
	+ **With Butters the Merciful, ally idle**
		- *Butters the Merciful*: "So how far into the future are you from?"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Oh, days and days!"
	+ **With Butters the Merciful, after attacking Butters the Merciful**
		- *Butters the Merciful*: "Aww that hurt."
		*Professor Chaos*: "I'm sorry, me!"
	+ **With Butters the Merciful, after using Chaos Minion, Farts of Future Past**
		- *Butters the Merciful*: "Aww, I want a minion"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Yeah, they can do all sorts of cool stuff!"
	+ **With Call Girl, battle start with Mecha Minion Chaos Supreme**
		- *Call Girl*: "#nobodysgonnabelievethis"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Thanks!"
	+ **With Call Girl, self or ally idle**
		- *Professor Chaos:* "Muwahaha! Muuuwaaahaaa! Muwwwwaaaa!"
		*Call Girl:* "What're you doing, Butters?"
		*Professor Chaos:* "Practicing my evil laugh."
	+ **With Call Girl, enemy idle, The Hundred Hands of Chaos**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "If you all want to join my new supervillain group, Chaos League, we could all go back inside and get some juice boxes."
		*Call Girl*: "The whole place is on fire, you idiot!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Oh, yeah?"
	+ **With Call Girl, after using Chaos Blast**
		- *Call Girl*: "Nice Chaos, Professor!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Aw shucks, thanks, Call Girl!"
	+ **With Call Girl, after using Hammer of Chaos**
		- *Call Girl*: "Your ultimate form's a real beefcake, Professor."
		*Professor Chaos*: "Play your cards right and I might introduce you."
	+ **With Call Girl, after Call Girl attacking**
		- *Professor Chaos:* "Call Girl kind of kicks ass, you guys."
		*Call Girl:* "Aw thanks, Butters!"
		*Professor Chaos:* "Who is this "Butters"? I am PROFESSOR CHAOS!!!!!!!"
	+ **With Call Girl, after Mini Supreme using Dog Shitter, The Hundred Hands of Chaos**
		- *Call Girl*: "Jesus, Butters, you can't let your dogs shit everywhere. This isn't France!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Oh, don't worry. I have a cleaning crew booked for after."
	+ **With Call Girl, attacked**
		- *Call Girl*: "Are you OK, Chaos?"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Yeah, sorta, I think so..."
	+ **With Captain Diabetes, Captain Diabetes turn start, Chaos Minion Round 1, The Hundred Hands of Chaos**
		- *Captain Diabetes*: "You're not getting away with this, Professor Chaos!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Oh, but I am, Captain Diabetes, and I'm going to enjoy watching you pee yourself!"
	+ **With Captain Diabetes, after Captain Diabetes using Coma Combo**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "Well, you must spend all day pumping iron, Cap."
		*Captain Diabetes*: ​"Nah, I'm just naturally swole."
	+ **With Captain Diabetes, after Captain Diabetes using Sugar Rush**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "I don't know how you do it, Captain!"
		*Captain Diabetes*: ​"We should hang out more often. I'd love to show you."
		*Professor Chaos*: ​"Sure! You can be my Admiral Anarchy!"
	+ **With Chaos Kid, battle start**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "Gosh, minions, what gives?"
		*Chaos Kid*: "Your check bounced. Chaos minions wanna get paid!"
	+ **With The Coon, turn start**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "Muwahahaha!! Remember this day, for it is the day you die!"
		*The Coon*: "How can they remember it if they're dead?"
		*Professor Chaos*: "They...uh... Oh darnit."
	+ **With The Coon, self or ally idle**
		- *Professor Chaos:* "Muwahaha! Muuuwaaahaaa! Muwwwwaaaa!"
		*The Coon:* "The fuck are you doing, Butters?"
		*Professor Chaos:* "Practicing my evil laugh."
	+ **With The Coon or Mitch Conner, after attacking Mitch Conner, Farts of Future Past**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "Now did I attack the right one, fellas?"
		*The Coon*: "No!" / *Mitch Conner:* "Yes!"
	+ **With The Coon, after using Chaos Blast**
		- *The Coon*: "Don't blow all your Chaos in one load, Professor!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Don't worry. Lots more Chaos where that came from!"
	+ **With The Coon, after using Chaos Confuse-O-Tron**
		- *The Coon*: "Savor my begrudging respect, old nemesis."
		*Professor Chaos*: "Oh boy, begrudging respect! That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me."
		*The Coon*: "Yes. I expect it is."
	+ **With The Coon, after The Coon using Coon Claws**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "You hit like my grandma."
		*The Coon*: "Fuck you, Chaos. That was a brutal attack!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "I know! Have you met my grandma?"
	+ **With The Coon, The Coon defeated**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "Aww, The Coon looks like a sleepy kitty."
		*The Coon*: "Uh, fucking revive me?"
	+ **With counselor, after using Hammer of Chaos, versus the Zarganor, second phase**
		- *Counselor*: "Ooh, who was that?"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Well, that was me!"
	+ **With counselor, Hemorrhaging inflicted to enemy, Bring the Crunch**
		- *Counselor*: "That is so dangerous!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "I agree!"
	+ **With counselor and Nathan, self or ally turn start, Bring the Crunch**
		- *Counselor*: "How about we go make some nice S'mores by the campfire?"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Yeah, let's stop fighting and do that!"
		*Nathan*: "Maybe after we kill you."
	+ **With Fastpass, battle start, Final Girl tutorial battle**
		- *Fastpass*: "OK, Butthole, why don't you see how your Final Girl powers work on these monsters?"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Yeah, try not to die, New Kid! ...'Cause we're next if you do."
		*Fastpass*: "Put something together from those tools you gathered!"
	+ **With Fastpass, Milk Monster turn start, second phase**
		- *Fastpass*: "It's too bad your Kryptonite wasn't something harmless like hamsters."
		*Professor Chaos:* "Hey, hamsters can be serious business when exposed to Chaos!"
	+ **With Fastpass, idle and attacked**
		- *Fastpass*: "Not easy being one of the good guys, huh Professor?"
		*Professor Chaos:* "Only temporary! Soon the world will feel my wrath again!"
	+ **With Fastpass, self or ally idle**
		- *Professor Chaos:* "Muwahaha! Muuuwaaahaaa! Muwwwwaaaa!"
		*Fastpass:* "What in the world are you doing?"
		*Professor Chaos:* "Practicing my evil laugh."
	+ **With Fastpass, after using Chaos Blast**
		- *Fastpass*: "Where'd you learn to do that?"
		*Professor Chaos:* "From no one. Chaos is my master!"
		*Fastpass:* "Ah, from the Learning Annex, then. I got it!"
	+ **With Fastpass, after using Chaos Blast and Chaos Confuse-O-Tron**
		- *Fastpass*: "Gotta admit... Your brand of Chaos has a certain appeal!"
		*Professor Chaos:* "Well, I'm glad you think so!"
	+ **With Fastpass, after New Kid moving after selecting target for Hammer Bomb, Final Girl tutorial battle**
		- *Fastpass*: "Wow, and then you choose your victim's knockback direction! Cool!"
		*Professor Chaos:* "Knock 'em into your traps!"
	+ **With Fastpass, after Nathan using Fishy Friends, Bring the Crunch**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "Oh jeez, I really don't like fish monsters, you guys. They're so clammy!"
		*Fastpass:* "Don't let a little dampness get to you!"
	+ **With Fastpass, revived by haunted dirt, Bring the Crunch**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "Hey you guys, maybe we shouldn't be fighting on an Indian burial ground!"
		*Fastpass:* "Think of it as part of a unique cultural experience."
	+ **With Fastpass, attacked**
		- *Fastpass*: "You OK, Chaos?"
		*Professor Chaos:* "Uh, not really."
	+ **With Fastpass, enemy Bleeding or Hemorrhaging, Bring the Crunch**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "The Final Girl's nice and all, but all this blood is kinda gross!"
		*Fastpass:* "Just be happy it's not your blood!"
	+ **With Fastpass, Monster Bleeding or Hemorrhaging**
		- *Fastpass*: "Wow, they're really bleeding everywhere."
		*Professor Chaos:* "Golly! I guess monsters have more blood in 'em than humans do."
	+ **With Fastpass, Mintberry Crunch, and Monsters, second wave of Monsters, Final Girl tutorial battle**
		- *Monster*: "Get outta here, kids!"
		*Other monster*: "You don't belong here! Rarr!"
		*Fastpass*: "Hmm, something's a little off with these monsters."
		*Mintberry Crunch*: "Let's get 'em!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "You guys are crazy!"
	+ **With High Jew Elf Kyle, battle start**
		- *High Jew Elf Kyle*: "Our King won't let you pass!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Your King is no match for us, wahaha!"
	+ **With Human Kite, battle start with Mecha Minion Chaos Supreme**
		- *Human Kite*: "Dude, you totally outdid yourself!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Thanks!"
	+ **With Human Kite, turn start, Chaos Minions first group battle, The Hundred Hands of Chaos**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "Why would you side with such weaklings, Toolshed?"
		*Human Kite*: "Yeah, why, Stan?"
	+ **With Medbot, Medbot using healing attack on Mecha Minion Chaos Supreme**
		- *Medbot*: "¡Entropía bomba!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Muchas gracias."
	+ **With Mimsy, self or ally idle**
		- *Mimsy*: "Boss says marshmallows are made from spider eggs!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Well, they still taste good."
	+ **With Mintberry Crunch, turn start versus Milk Monsters**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "I'm definitely gonna have nightmares about milk monsters, you guys!"
		*Mintberry Crunch*: "Join the club."
	+ **With Mintberry Crunch, after Mintberry Crunch using Mint Launch, Bring the Crunch**
		- *Mintberry Crunch:* "I declare you: Minted!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "You know what would make this more impressive? Lightning!" / "Now where'd he go?"
	+ **With Mintberry Crunch, Minted New Kid attacked by Berried enemy, round 1, first battle against Monsters**
		- *Mintberry Crunch*: "Hah! When a Berry enemy attacks a friend with Mint, they do no damage!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Thank goodness!"
	+ **With Mitch Conner, turn start, Farts of Future Past**
		- *Mitch Conner*: "Well, who do you attack, Freedom Pal?"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Shucks, uh, who do I go after?"
	+ **With Monster, Monster turn start**
		- *Monster*: "Who's ready for a senseless murdering?"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Professor Chaos is NOT ready."
		- *Monster*: "Why aren't you running away! RARRRGH!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Uh, that monster has a good point you guys."
		- *Monster*: "Your fear makes me stronger!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Oh, hamburgers!"
		- *Monster*: "Who wants to see my bone saw?"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Well, Toolshed would probably be interested but he's not here."
		- *Monster*: "All right, who wants to get eaten tonight?"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Not it!"
		- *Monster*: "I'm gonna scare you DEAD!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Uh-oh, a little pee came out again, you guys."
	+ **With Mosquito, self or ally idle**
		- *Mosquito*: "My dad lets me play with the big rolling ladder in his store's stock room."
		*Professor Chaos*: "My dad let's[sic] me not be grounded sometimes."
	+ **With Mysterion, after Mysterion attacking**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "We should totally team up!"
		*Mysterion*: "Mysterion works alone."
		*Professor Chaos*: "Really? I mean, we're kinda working together right now."
		*Mysterion*: "Mysterion works alone."
		*Professor Chaos*: "Well, ok then."
		- *Professor Chaos*: Gee whiz, Mysterion, you're really cool."
		*Mysterion*: "I know."
	+ **With Raisins Girl, self or ally idle**
		- *Raisins Girl*: "So, you guys having a good time today?"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Uh...yeah."
	+ **With Stephen Stotch, self or ally idle**
		- *Stephen*: "Butters, if something doesn't happen soon, you're double grounded!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Oh no!"
	+ **With Stephen Stotch, after ally or self attacking or using Enrage move on Stephen Stotch**
		- *Stephen*: "Well that just makes me more angry at Butters!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Aww, dang it."
	+ **With Stephen Stotch, after attacking Stephen Stotch**
		- *Stephen*: "Butters! Behave yourself or I'm going to send you to live with your grandma!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Oh, please no."
	+ **With Stephen Stotch, after using Chaos Blast on Stephen Stotch**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "Pretty sweet Chaos Bolt, huh Da-"
		*Stephen*: "How many times have I told you not to play around with raw energy beams!"
	+ **With Stephen Stotch, after using Chaos Confuse-O-Tron on Stephen Stotch**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "Pretty shocking, huh Da-"
		*Stephen*: "Butters, you're wasting electricity!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Oh yeah, I guess so."
	+ **With Stephen Stotch, Stephen Stotch preparing Ground**
		- *Stephen*: "I'll ground you! I'LL GROUND YOU ALL!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Oh gosh!"
		- *Stephen*: "Who will I ground next? Maybe all of you!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Oh, I sure I'm sorry about this fellas!"
		- *Stephen*: "Any of you been swearing? That's a grounding!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "No sir, we sure aren't doing any of those things!"
		- *Stephen*: "Here comes a grounding!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Well, it sure has been nice being your friend, guys."
	+ **With Stephen Stotch, after Stephen Stotch using Ground on New Kid**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "The New Kid can't be grounded! It's like a miracle you guys!"
		*Stephen*: "Godammit!"
	+ **With Stephen Stotch, Stephen Stotch Grossed Out**
		- *Stephen*: "Butters, you're shampooing the carpet after this!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "OK, Dad."
	+ **With Stephen Stotch, victory**
		- *Stephen*: "Dammit Butters, you're grounded for life!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "I...I am? But I don't feel grounded. Hey Guys, I'm not grounded! I'm Ungroundable!"
		*Stephen*: "NOOOOO!"
	+ **With Super Craig, after Super Craig using Mega Fist Punch**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "You hit them right in their weak spot, Super Craig!"
		*Super Craig*: "You mean their body?"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Oh-ho, good one!"
	+ **With Super Craig, battle start with Mecha Minion Chaos Supreme**
		- *Super Craig*: "Nice ride. Sorry about your dick size."
		*Professor Chaos*: "Thanks!"
	+ **With Super Craig, after attacking, Chaos Minions first group battle, The Hundred Hands of Chaos**
		- *Super Craig*: "Hold still, Chaos creature."
		*Professor Chaos*: "Hey, I'm paying you guys good money and I want to see results!"
	+ **With Super Craig, after Mini Supreme using Dog Shitter, The Hundred Hands of Chaos**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "Mark your territory!"
		*Super Craig*: "OK, that got in my mouth."
	+ **With Super Craig, Mecha Minion Chaos Supreme attacked**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "OK, just shake it off, Professor."
		*Super Craig*: "How about you FUCK OFF."
	+ **With Toolshed, battle start with Mecha Minion Chaos Supreme**
		- *Toolshed*: "Wow that's...that's a hell of a construction project."
		*Professor Chaos*: "Thanks!"
	+ **With Toolshed, self or ally idle**
		- *Professor Chaos:* "Muwahaha! Muuuwaaahaaa! Muwwwwaaaa!"
		*Toolshed:* "What the hell is that?"
		*Professor Chaos:* "Practicing my evil laugh."
	+ **With Toolshed, after Toolshed using Drillslinger**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "How does it feel to serve as a tool of Chaos?"
		*Toolshed*: "Dude, not everyone is into your Chaos shtick."
		*Professor Chaos*: "Muahahaha! Spoken like a true agent of Chaos!"
	+ **With Wonder Tweek, after using Chaos Blast**
		- *Wonder Tweek*: "Are you sure you're not radioactive, Professor?"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Nope!"
		- *Wonder Tweek*: "I'm kinda supposed to be the lightning guy around here."
		*Professor Chaos*: "It's okay, we can share!"
	+ **With the Zarganor, Nightmare Timothy preparing Nocturnal Eruption**
		- *Zarganor*: "Time to die..."
		*Professor Chaos*: "Oh, cheeseburgers!"
	+ **With the Zarganor, the Zarganor using Milky Discharge**
		- *Zarganor*: "Who wants a little squirt, hmm?"
		*Professor Chaos*: "No, thank you!"
	+ **Fighting Jared, after he speaks**
		- "You're making me kind of uncomfortable."
		- "I really don't like this guy!"
* **Unsorted**
	+ "Play your cards right and I might just introduce you."
	+ "A headbutt like a jack hammer... Neat, New Kid!"
	+ *Human Kite*: "Nice work stopping their attacks with your body, Chaos!"
	*Professor Chaos*: "Oh, thanks!"
	+ *Professor Chaos*: "Let the winds of Chaos blow you, Human Kite..."
	*Human Kite*: "You saying you want to blow me, Chaos?"
	*Professor Chaos*: "Muahahaha! Chaos!"
	+ "Hey! Me hablas español, you minions!"
	+ *Professor Chaos*: "I'm gonna push your buttons till you scream like a little girl, Super Craig."
	*Super Craig*: "Not happening."
	+ *Super Craig*: "Shit. The minions got you."
	*Professor Chaos*: "Why, thank you, Craig. I'm glad you're impressed by my super Chaos Minions!"
	*Super Craig*: "Do I sound impressed?"
	+ "Ha-ha! Behold, my minions! Chaos grips their soul and tears them apart!"
	+ "Toolshed! I can feel the Chaos in you... Join me!"
	+ *Chaos Kid*: "How are we doing, Professor?"
	*Professor Chaos*: "Not bad, my Chaos Minion!"
	+ *Professor Chaos*: "Ha-ha! Behold, my minions! Chaos grips their soul and tears them apart!"
	*Captain Diabetes*: "Does not!"
	*Professor Chaos*: "Does too!"
	*Captain Diabetes*: "Nuh uh!"
	*Professor Chaos*: "Yeah huh!"
	*Captain Diabetes*: "Does not!"
	*Professor Chaos*: "Does too!"
	*Captain Diabetes*: "Nuh uh!"
	*Professor Chaos*: "Yeah huh!"
	*Super Craig*: "Oh my god, will you shitheads fucking stop already?"
	+ "Let's see you laugh at Professor Chaos now, Coon!"
	+ *Professor Chaos*: "I hope that really hurt, Coon!"
	*The Coon*: "Come down here and face us, you fucking pussy!"
	+ "Look out for his middle finger, my minions!"
	+ *Human Kite*: "Jesus, what the fuck was that?"
	*Professor Chaos*: "My Chaos Supreme comes with extra hot sauce!"
	+ *The Coon*: "I think you're taking this a little too far, Butters."
	*Professor Chaos*: "Thanks for noticing!"
	+ *Professor Chaos:* "If you all want to join my new supervillain group, Chaos League, we could all go back inside and get some juice boxes."
	*Call Girl:* "The whole place is on fire, you idiot!"
	*Professor Chaos:* "Oh, yeah?"
	+ "I can't wait to bring this thing to school tomorrow!"
	+ "Ha ha, hey, who's tickling me? Quit it!"
	+ "Man, it's kind of hot in here."
	+ "Heal me, 'o minion, so that Chaos may prevail! Huh, come on, please?"
	+ *Captain Diabetes*: "Professor! It's not too late to lay down your minions!"
	*Professor Chaos*: "You wish, Diabetes!"
	+ "Gee whiz, guys... That was really mean."
	+ *Professor Chaos:* "Bow before Chaos or face my army of minions!"
	*Toolshed:* "Not in this lifetime, Chaos!"
	+ "These missiles are gonna look real sweet on our first movie poster!"
	+ "Careful, minions, this one's fast!"
	+ "Feel how entropy is messing with your atoms, Fastpass!"
	+ "Too slow, Fastpass!"