Romance and Marriage in Zattaria

## Romance

Due to the majority of Zattarians favoring the goddess Lianreen, they often feel it is the woman’s place to initiate a proper courtship. However, thanks to their Artesian neighbors, it isn’t entirely unlikely for the men to take on the role as well. Flirting is often a harmless action that both genders take part in, though it can be difficult to tell when one is truly intending to flirt compared to when they are merely showering another with compliments. Parents may quietly point their daughters to promising men, but will not push heavily on the topic until their child is past the age of twenty.

### Courtship

To begin courtship, a woman will tend to start in a subtle manner, offering to help with a man’s tasks for a day or making an effort to walk with him to and from the markets. She may even be shy, and limit how many compliments or flirts she exchanges with the man of interest. These meetings are always public, giving the woman a chance to see what he is like on a day to day basis before she considers the next step. As a woman grows more comfortable with a man she is likely to make meals or treats for them to eat together. Inviting the man of interest for dinner is never done early in the courtship. This is because it is important for both members of the courtship to be able to answer the family’s questions about not only themselves - but the other member of the developing relationship. Listening and remembering what your partner says is a valuable skill that family members insist a lover must have.

When a woman wishes to confess her love, she will obtain a cactus as a gift to the man of interest. Typically this will be a cactus that sprouts flowers, but has yet to see any of them blossom yet. Zattarians that have found themselves in regions that are not favorable for cacti to grow in may choose to use some other kind of flower to represent their love. These flowers, when presented to the man, would also have yet to blossom. If a man feels the same way towards the woman, he will keep the cactus and take care of it and present it to the woman again once all of the flowers have bloomed. However, if he does not return these feelings, he will instead give the cactus back to her within a week. It is encouraged for the man to apologize and provide a letter for the woman to read that explains why he cannot accept and return her love. The woman is also encouraged to take the rejection with grace, and express any heartache in private, only reading the letter once she is of a calm mind. It is considered especially cruel - and sometimes even a crime - to force the cactus to wither away. Some may choose to do so as their form of rejection as a statement of just how little they desire to be with that woman. This is an act that may be done if she is seen as a dishonest woman or one of infidelity.

Should the man return the woman’s feelings, they begin the third stage of courtship. This is when they begin meeting outside of daily outings, arranging more private walks, trying new activities, or teach each other their practice. The exchanging of gifts, sweet words, and harmless acts of affection also takes place at this point. Despite the more private moments together, it is highly discouraged for a couple to engage in intercourse before their engagement is sealed.

The final stage of courtship before marriage is the invitation to dinner with the woman’s family. The man of interest will be asked many questions, as stated before, about both himself and the woman he claims to love. The questions start out simple: favorite colors, pastimes, foods, and animals. As the dinner goes on they’ll ask what they are passionate about, how many kids do they wish to have, which God do they respect more, what do they do for a living - the list is practically endless and slightly unpredictable as each family will value different details about their daughters. When this dinner goes well, a man can take the opportunity to propose with a flower - preferably one from their courtship cactus (or other plant) - and the pair will begin discussing with the family what their engagement tattoo should be.

### Marriage

The first step to a Zattarian Marriage is the engagement tattoo, which starts off very simple on both of their wrists. They usually are merely outlines of what the full marriage tattoo will become. Most obtain this tattoo from a priestess, allowing the local church a chance to consider and approve (or deny) the couple’s union before the work into a full ceremony begins. Lianreen’s churches are favored for these ceremonies though Firaneth may handle it for those who have scars in the destined areas. People can achieve a forgiveness or acceptance into a settlement in order to have a marriage ceremony, but it is otherwise denied to outsiders or those who may be marked as troublemakers.

Weddings are a humble gathering that take place in a settlement’s church. Witnesses are invited by the priestess performing the ceremony and, when possible, include the parents of the happy couple. Everyone attending is expected to wear their finest outfits. Ladies are expected to wear blue and green attire with silver accents while the men are expected to wear red and orange attire with gold accents. Meanwhile, only the married couple may wear other colors or mixtures of these two sets of colors. This is so that they may stand out as the pair being married. Sometimes, a church hosting the ceremony may choose to lend collections of jewelry to the bride and groom for the ceremony. These are meant to be returned afterwards, and attempting to steal these can result in much harsher punishments than how Zattarians typically handle thefts. The church will be decorated however the bride desires, but the groom gets to have the final say in the food and drinks being served. This can cause some heated, but amusing, debates that tend to be taken as just part of the fun preparing for the ceremony.

When the day of the ceremony arrives, the bride is to prepare herself on one side of the church and the groom in the other. They are not to see each other once they’ve been separated into these rooms to get dressed in the formal attire of the day. These rooms are typically on opposite ends of the church’s altar, and in ideal cases, the groom’s room will be filled with sunlight as the sun rises, while the bride’s room kept in the shade. Guests are to enter and take seats in the church after leaving any gifts they had brought at the entrance of the church. Priestesses and Guardians watch over these with care and ensure the placement of each gift is perfectly safe and on a grand display. As the couple begins preparing very early in the day, they can spend a great deal of time waiting for the last guest to be settled in. Guests may visit either of the two to be wed with the permission of the priestess performing the ceremony.

Once all is ready, the priestess will first guide the bride out to the altar, having the bride stand in front of the guests alone until she collects the groom from his room as well. The two are then to turn away from the crowd and face the altar, offering their respective wrists to the priestess. The priestess murmurs a prayer and completes the details of the tattoos on the left wrist of the bride and the right wrist of the groom. The bride’s tattoo is worked on first. These tattoos are either of a cactus, a crop, a livestock animal, or a collection of stars with the partner’s name below it. Preferred ink colors are green, white, or blue - but most can only afford the cost for plain black ink. Particularly wealthy families may hire a dedicated tattoo artist for the ceremony, so the priestess may give vows that are more elaborate for the couple to exchange. Couples who cannot afford to do this, must prepare their own vows. It’s hardly a shameful practice and many tend to declare that it is far more romantic in the end despite the stress or embarrassment that can occur from their fumbling. Once the tattoos are completed, they are to join hands together as the priestess begins to present them to those gathered. Typically the woman’s last name is adopted by the man, but some may choose to go either way based on the family wishes. For example, an only son getting married may have his bride take his last name should she have sisters that have already ensured the spread of her family name.

The couple is the first to exit the ceremonial area - either elsewhere in the church or outside of it for the reception to begin. As guests make their way to the tables, the newly weds are to assist the people of the church in serving food and drinks. They are not to sit down until the last guest has been provided for. It can become a challenge or a game to serve as many guests as politely as possible. Rules of this game vary between settlements but the general guideline tends to demand the couple to: greet the guest, thank them for attending, determine which of the options they would prefer, make sure they have enough for their first plate, and allow the guest to ask one question about the bride or groom. The one who serves the most guests is the one that gets to sit down first, and have their lover get their plates for them. As the reception settles down and guests finish their meals, they may go back into the church to retrieve the gifts they had brought for the bride and groom. Pieces of jewelry that have some kind of resemblance to the newlywed's tattoo is a common gift to give: bracelets, necklaces, and rings are all pieces that may very well become part of a couple’s daily attire. As these gifts are retrieved and given to the couple, the guests have a proper chance to talk with them while others play instruments, dance, or have conversations with each other. The “last dance” for the night is reserved for the newlyweds, after which they all may return home and the people of the church will handle the duties of cleaning up the area.

Should a couple not be the typical “bride and groom,” there are a few minor changes on where the tattoos may be on the couple’s wrists. In same sex marriages, the lover that proposes or initiates the relationship is the one who will have the tattoo on their left wrist, while the partner (should they accept) will obtain it on the right. Other traditions of courtship and marriage follow this lead. Divorces are highly uncommon in Zattaria, and those that do occur are rarely handled smoothly.