My Sperm Is Healthy

**My Sperm Is Healthy**
**Performer(s)**: Darryl Whitefeather — **First Appearance**: "Nathaniel Needs My Help!"
 — **Genre**: Techno

“**My Sperm Is Healthy**” is a musical number performed by Darryl Whitefeather. In this song in which Darryl is excited to learn that his sperm was healthy and rejoices in this news with his staff. This song debuted in the Season Three episode "Nathaniel Needs My Help!.” It is one of several songs from the show to have an explicit version that was released on Rachel Bloom’s Youtube channel racheldoesstuff.

## Song and lyrics

### Broadcast version

**Darryl**:
My sperm is nice and healthy
In terms of sperm I’m wealthy
I’m Warren Buffet
I’ve got so much of it
That’s what the doctors tell me!

My point is, in a nut shell,
each time I bust, I bust well!
I’ve got the quantity and the quality,
no IUD is stopping me!

‘Cause my semens steaming
like a demon and all
the surrogates are screaming:

“Just give me some
of that premium grade
baby batter!”

I never splatter!

My sperm, my sperm is
no cause for concern!

My sperm is healthy!
My sperm is healthy!

Aw shucks!
Gee whiz!
I got the best sperm in the biz!

My sperm is healthy!
My sperm is healthy!

My sperm is healthy.

Even though I’m no teenager
my boys still throw a rager!

They got bottle service
in every cervix
blowing eggs up like a pager!

Every lady’s getting fertilized!
Got a diaphragm?
It’s getting pulverized!
My sperm shines brighter than the sun
so wear special glasses or avert your eyes!

Give thanks my tanks
not shooting blanks!
I’m in a league of my own,
just like Tom Hanks!
Not a castaway
but I blast away
that thing I do is inseminate you!
With my sperm, my sperm
the test have all confirmed!

**Employees**:
His sperm is healthy!
His sperm is healthy!

**Darryl**:
Aw shucks!
Gee whiz!
My sperm just aced the quiz!

My sperm is healthy!
My sperm is healthy!

My sperm is healthy.

### Explicit version

**Darryl**:
My sperm is nice and healthy
In terms of sperm I’m wealthy
like an oil magnate
when I ejaculate
that’s what the doctors tell me!

My point is, in a nut shell,
each time I nut, I nut well!
I’ve got the quantity and the quality,
no IUD is stopping me!

‘Cause my semens steaming
like a demon and all
the surrogates are screaming:

“Just give me some
of that premium grade
baby batter!”

I never splatter!

My sperm, my sperm is
no cause for concern!

My sperm is healthy!
My sperm is healthy!

Aw shucks!
Gee whiz!
I got that high end jizz!

My sperm is healthy!
My sperm is healthy!

My sperm is healthy.

Even though I’m no teenager
my boys still throw a rager!

They get bottle service
in every cervix
blowing eggs up like a pager!

Every lady’s getting fertilized!
Got a diaphragm?
It’s getting pulverized!
When I come, I come like the sun
so wear special glasses or avert your eyes!

Give thanks my tanks
not shooting blanks!
I’m in a league of my own,
just like Tom Hanks!
Not a castaway
but I blast away
that thing I do
is going up in you!
my sperm, my sperm
the test have all confirmed!

**Employees**:
His sperm is healthy!
His sperm is healthy!

**Darryl**:
Aw shucks!
Gee whiz!
I got that magic jizz!

My sperm is healthy!
My sperm is healthy!

My sperm is healthy.