Moortimer

**Moortimer** is a character in *Kiki's Vacation*. He can be found at the bar at Hotel CloverRook.

## Appearance

Moortimer is a brown moose wearing a black turtleneck sweater.

## Bio

Moortimer is an actor trying to get into character for his next role. He played many minor parts in movies but has yet to land a big role.

## Personality

Moortimer is very dedicated to his acting career.

## Quotes

### Meeting Moortimer

* *"Have you come to bear witness? Is the tragic existence of Moortimer The Has-Been so entertaining?"*
	+ (Excuse me?)
* *"Oh... pay no mind, young feline. The dreadful weight of my pitiful existence is a burden only for me to carry! Well... for me and the bartender..."*
* *"I see you've come prepared to share drinks..."*
* *"Would it that these spirits could raise my spirit..."*
* *"That smell, you have just what I need!"*
* *"I'll be the one to tell the bartender when I've had enough!"*
* *"'The Booze Moose', I heard the bellboy call me..."*
* *"Let me be..."*

### Moortimer wants booze

* *"The store here they sell a type of liquor I've been yearning for..."*
* *"You wouldn't happen to have a bottle of fine liquor on you?"*
* *"If I had the right liquor, I could open up to someone..."*

When Kiki brings Booze:

* *"You- You must be a masochist if you want to share a table with the likes of me... If you seek kind words, you should go elsewhere. I'm fresh out of those... Words of any kind really: kind, clever, funny. It is my most severe defect."*
	+ (Here for the company.) *"Be careful, you can tell a lot about someone by the company they keep."*
	+ (You don't need words.) *"Oh, but I do!"*
* *"It is what is expected of me! Once I was a journalist... My words were weapons! Weapons wielded by the people to fight power with truth!"*
	+ (What happened?) *"I happened!"*
	+ (Don't I know you from somewhere?) *"Wha- I- No, you must be confused..."*
* *"Stories out there, and I can't get to the bottom anymore! Only the quite enveloping darkness at the bottom of this bottle... THAT's a deadline I can meet."*
* (Hey man. it's gonna work out!) *"I appreciate your kind condescendence."*
* (Another round?) *"Maybe after the pills wear off..."*
* (I'm here, buddy.) *"Yet, It seems I'm nowhere to be found!"*

### Moortimer would like a martini

* *"A glass of martini might serve as inspiration."*
* *"It is said, good people drink good martinis."*
* *"It could be that I could find inspiration in the perfect roundness of a glass of martini."*

When Kiki brings him a martini:

* *"I... I've been getting wrong I think... It must be the drinks!"*
	+ (Sobering up?)
* *"Not at all! I've... been emptying the wrong bottles! Scotch! Scotch is a true journalist's drink!"*

### Moortimer craves scotch

* *"I think they sell scotch at the store."*
* *"Got any scotch?"*
* *"Scotch is the key!"*

When Kiki brings Scotch:

* *"Think Moortimer... THINK! Gonzo journalism... addiction... depression... Blast. I was sure this scotch would finally get me into character. Damn you, Hunter S. Cotchson! Why can't I become you?!"*
	+ (Hunter S. Who?) *"Oh, you must be so confused."*
	+ (Who is that?) *"My current worst enemy..."*
* *"Kiki, I have a confession to make. To no fault of your own, you have been deceived by my every word! Truth is, I'm not a depressed, alcoholic journalist..."*
	+ (Then what are you?) *"What I am... is an AC-TOR!"*
	+ (Explain...) *"In truth I am an ACTOR!"*
* *"... one that's struggling to get into character for his next performance... Cotchson was famous for abusing bottles of scotch... I was sure that would be the key..."*

### Moortimer would like another martini

* *"Another martini could do the trick..."*
* *"I wouldn't mind a glass of martini right now."*
* *"The waiters seem to hoard the martinis for their selves around here!"*

When Kiki brings him another Martini:

* *"I must apologize again, my friend, I should not have tested my method acting on you. Although, I'm surprised you didn't recognize me from my multiple feature roles!"*
	+ (Such as...)
* *"Ever heard of a little movie called 'The HawkShank Redemption'? I feature heavily in it as 'Angry Inmate Number 5'. Why, I've played similar roles in countless other classics!"*

### Moortimer thinks bourbon would help

* *"Hunter S. Cotchson had a bourbon streak..."*
* *"Forget the scotch, bourbon is the key!"*
* *"Hunter also liked bourbon..."*

When Kiki brings Bourbon:

* *"At last! The elixir for my inspiration! Bourbon was Hunter's... excuse me. I have- I lost my train of thought there for a moment."*
	+ (Had enough?) *"Hunter S. Cotchson never had enough!"*
	+ (Feeling tipsy?) *"I... I have to get back to you on that."*
* *"Blast! It's hopeless... Such are the dangers of method acting. 'He who plays depressed alcoholics should look to it that he himself does not become one.' Wait... Did- did I just come up with that?"*
	+ (I think it was Newtzsche.) *"Naw... I think it was me just now."*
	+ (That's not how the phrase goes.) *"What phrase? What- what were we talking about?"*
* *"Look at me. Just as much of a failure as the man I pretended to portray... I... I hate you, Hunter S. Cotchson! I hate you so much..."*

### Moortimer wants his third martini

* *"Martini, dry mouth... whatever."*
* *"A glass of martini could help me wash away my failures..."*
* *"What penguin's feathers must a moose pluck around here to get a glass of martini?!"*

When Kiki brings him the third Martini:

* *"I think I have it Kiki... It's not the drinks or the sadness? "*
	+ (It's believing in yourself?)
* *"What? No! It's the self-hatred! I hate Hunter with all my guts. And I'm playing Hunter... so I hate myself."*

### Moortimer puts his faith in whiskey

* *"I've developed my own taste for whiskey after all."*
* *"One last bottle of whiskey to celebrate my epiphany..."*
* *"Have I become a whiskey-holic?"*

When Kiki brings him Whiskey:

* *"Let us toast! 'To our animal pleasures, to escapism, to waves on our shores and instant coffee!' Hunter used to say that before he fell to his own vices! And now that I know I can play him, I finally understand the meaning of that!"*
	+ (Hedonism for the win!) *"Something like that!"*
	+ (You could use a cup of coffee...) *"Not gonna argue with you on that one, Kiki."*
* *"Oooooh, I can't wait to see the expression on the casting directors... when they see Hunter S. Cotchson's soul speak through this actor's body! It will be an audition for the ages!"*
	+ (Wait, you don't have the role?) *"Not in paper, no... but by then it shall be but a formality!"*
	+ (All this just for an audition?) *"Oh Kiki, it's an AC-TOR thing. You wouldn't understand."*
* *"For now, until then, let's do as Hunter used to say... 'Res ipsa loquitur' Let the good times roll!"*

### Other

* (You seem optimistic you'll get the role!) *"It's not optimism when fate is involved!"*
* (Are you gonna quit drinking after you do the movie?) *"If my next role demands it!"*
* (What other movies were you in?) *"I played THE lamb in 'Quietness of The Lambs'. Had to shave my antlers."*

## Trivia

* "HawkShank Redemption" is a reference the movie The Shawshank Redemption.

## Navigation

 ✦ **Other** ✦ Mailican • Mina • Señor Rojo • George O. ✦ Cheesetina • Ratmona ✦ Choprah • Chuliette • Hamantha ✦ Cheng • Fen • Hong • Lu • Paul R. Bare ✦ Tourist ✦ Compadres ✦