Dank Samus

The Dank One

Dank Samus is the drug-addicted clone of Samus. She is a IRL internet troll, trying to propagate an eldritch plague across the galaxy for the lulz. She is 100% Phazon, baby, and needs it to live. Without Phazon, she will die.

## History

After Samus defeated Metoid Prime on Tallon IV by overloading it with second-hand Phazon smoke, the creature began to destabilize, and in a desperate move, it absorbed her Phazon Suit and subsequently exploded. Little did Samus know that as she left the planet, a new enemy was born from her DNA and the remains of Metoid Prime. The Phazon Suit was a necessary piece of this fusion, as Metoid Prime had destabilized and no longer had a body. With its acquired human DNA, as well as the Phazon Suit as a body to construct itself into, it formed itself into a new enemy - the creature known as Dank Samus. Dank Samus, upon being reborn, she used up the Pirates' Wifi to look at Dank Memes, thus becoming an essential part of her personality.

She then decided to go to Dank Aether, and chilled with the Ing for a little bit while messing with the Pirates and tricking those idiots into thinking she was the hunter. She hit up their phazon stash, and got super high and killed a couple of them for no apparent reason, other than just to do it. She also destroyed their stealth generator in one of her raids, causing them much rage.

Samus eventually went to Aether to investigate the disappearance of several Federation Marines, and on the way she encountered her Doppelganger doing phazon with her Ing frens, just minding their own business until under the influence of phazon, Dank Samus 360 Noscoped the Light Crystal, so the Ing could highway rob her and thus get the plot going.

They met again in the Agon Wastes, where she appeared behind in front of Samus behind a locked gate, then disappeared. She eventually found Dank Samus taking a Bath in a YUGE Phazon TUUUUUUBE, and then they decided to fite. Samus won. The End. Just kidding. She decided to spread into SPOOOOOORES to reach the Torvus Bog. She just laughed for no reason, and evaporated.

She then appeared in the Sanctuary Fortress, and had an awkward moment in the rocket elevator, and then fought again after getting drunk on phazon, and then teleported away after being beaten by Samus Again.

Once Samus had BALEETED the Emperor Ing and absorbed the remaining planetary energy, Dank Aether became unstable and began to collapse. Samus, having only eight minutes to escape, hurried out of the Sky Temple and began moving toward the exit. However, her hopes of escape were crushed when Dank Samus appeared, blocking the exit with a Phazon wall. Showing the negative effects of phazon, Dank Samus became really weird looking, but died again. RIP.

## The Ultimate Trolling Campaign

She wouldn't be gone forever, though. The Galatactic Federation, seeing great use for the mutagenic substance, took some of the Phazon from Aether. However, they left most of it behind, and the Space Pirate crew of the battleship *Colossus* soon collected the remaining Phazon. However, they would soon find out to their horror that they had unknowingly taken the particles of Dank Samus as well. She then took over their minds, and created her own personal army. With the Pirates so suckered into her schemes, a quasi-religious cult began to form around her and they followed her every whim. She taught the crew to turn the Colossus into a mighty Phazon-fueled craft. She then left them for milk to locate the source of all Phazon - the planet Phaaze. During its absence, Her followers maintained order by executing those who doubted that she would return.