Human Kite/Quotes

File:Human-Kite-Quote.jpg
This page lists all notable quotes voiced out by Human Kite (Kyle Broflovski) in *South Park: The Fractured But Whole*.

## Overview

Human Kite's quotes primarily revolve around his superhero persona, with kite-related quips such as wind patterns and flying, as well as shooting lasers (in line with his Blaster archetype).

Usually he is very level-headed, but he often bickers with The Coon (Eric Cartman), for example during the manhunt of him after the heroes find out The New Kid's parents are being held hostage by Mitch Conner.

## Field/Story

* **During Alternate Universes Collide**
	+ "Who the hell are you?"
	+ "REALLY?! You sent a newbie to my distress call?! You're such a dick, Coon!"
* **During The Hundred Hands of Chaos**
	+ "Oh no. Nonononono."
	+ "It's Cartman's dumbass hand puppet."
	+ "Shut up! It's not Mitch "stupid fucking" Conner!"
	+ "Fuck this, I'm going to bed."
* **During The Chaos Gambit**
	+ "Dude, aren't you supposed to infiltrate the Freedom Pals? Get going."
* **During The Thin White Line, Jared spared**
	+ "It was right of you not to fart in his face after he told us what we needed to know. You're very forgiving."
* **During The Thin White Line, Jared not spared**
	+ "Should we... do anything with the body?"
* **During The Thin White Line, after fighting Jared**
	+ "I think we should probably forget this ever happened and definitely never talk about it."
* **During To Catch a Coon**
	+ "Hit him again."
* **During Farts of Future Past**
	+ "Get out of the way, you guys! We've got to stop Cartman before he starts all this!"
	+ "WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT!"
	+ "We're ALL Freedom Pals! We're from the future, you fat turd."
	+ "Cartman, I swear to god, if you don't knock it off I'm-"
	+ "Admit it!"
	+ "You ARE Mitch Conner! You always have BEEN Mitch Conner! And you better stop RIGHT FUCKING NOW!"
	+ "I'm not making it up, dude."
	+ "You fucking drop it... Fatass..."
	+ "If I was just fucking with you... Then so was HE."
	+ "Yeah, why?!"
* **When using Fartkour**
	+ **When appearing to the New Kid**
		- "Ready?"
		- "Clear for takeoff!"
		- "Let's do this!"
	+ **After using Fartkour**
		- "Man, my whole outfit reeks now. Thanks a lot."
		- "You're, uh, really good at that."
		- "Yes!"
		- "Alright, we made it!"
	+ **When standing on a high place after using Fartkour**
		- "Man, we're really high up."
		- "I can see my house from here!"
		- "Kind of chilly up here, I wish my costumes had sleeves."
	+ **Fartkour failed**
		- "Augh, dammit!"
		- "Dammit!"
		- "Crap!"
		- "Well, shit!"
		- "Oops, missed it. No big deal, let's try it again."
		- "I believe in you. Or at least your farts."
		- "Dang. Maybe close your eyes. I don't know."
		- "Jesus, come on, dude."
		- "Work with me, dude."
	+ **When using Fartkour Down next to Gerald Broflovski after completing For Nippopolis**
		- "Yeah, that's my dad."
* **Female New Kid idle**
	+ "There's nothing wrong with a boy being feminine, New Kid. Be true to yourself!"
* **Attacked**
	+ "Not cool!"
	+ "Butthole?"
	+ "The fuck?"
* **Farted on**
	+ "How about you NOT fart on me."
	+ "Can you not?"
	+ "Yeah, I get it. Farting for you is like tapping a button. It's amazing."
	+ "Fucking gross, dude!"
	+ "How many times have I farted on you? Zero!"

## Battle

* **Selected**
	+ "Let's go!"
	+ "Human Kite!"
	+ "Ready!"
* **Battle start**
	+ "From the sky swoops justice!"
* **Battle start, versus Bartles and healing**
	+ "Kite's got your back!"
* **Battle start, The Invitation**
	+ "New Kid, why are there ninjas after you?!"
* **Battle start, versus Shub-Niggurath**
	+ "We have to stop them!"
* **Turn start**
	+ "Human Kite: ready to swoop!"
	+ "Feel the wrath of...HUMAN KITE!"
	+ "No mercy, guys!"
	+ "Oh, I'm up? OK."
	+ "It's Kite flying time!"
	+ "All evil fears the lasers of kites."
	+ "Time to fly!"
	+ "Time to shoot the lasers."
	+ "Swooping in on a breeze of justice!"
	+ "It's about to smell like burning in here."
	+ "It's gettin' windy in here!"
	+ "Half-kite, half-man, all crime fighter!"
	+ "Earth's mightiest kite!"
	+ "Check your watch, crime: It's kite time."
	+ "Human Kite cleared for takeoff!"
	+ "Beware, evil! For from the sky comes a kite!"
	+ "These updrafts have recharged my eye lasers! Human Kite is ready!"
	+ "The wind brings it with justice: Human Kite is here!"
	+ "Swooooop!"
	+ "Forecast: 100% chance of Kite attack!"
	+ "Kite power!"
	+ "Who needs to get lasered?"
	+ "Lasers, online!"
* **Turn start, low health**
	+ "We've got to finish this..."
	+ "Kinda hopin' we can wrap this up."
* **Turn start, versus Buca de Faggoncini Cooks**
	+ "This kitchen is about to heat up!"
* **Turn start, Alternate Universes Collide Again**
	+ "Leave my mom alone!"
	+ "You guys can't fight my mom. She's gonna kick your ass!"
* **New Kid turn start**
	+ "OK, let's see what you got, New Kid."
	+ "Fuck 'em up, New Kid!"
	+ "Give 'em hell, Douchebag."
	+ "You're up, AssBlaster."
	+ "You got this!"
* **New Kid turn start, low health**
	+ "You don't look so hot, New Kid."
	+ "Super Fart Kid isn't looking so super right now. Still farty, though."
* **New Kid turn start, against Freedom Pals, Civil War**
	+ "New Kid's gonna kick your ass, Freedom Pals!"
* **New Kid turn start, Alternate Universes Collide Again**
	+ "I can't watch."
* **Idle**
	+ "Well, hard to go wrong with lasers..."
	+ "Let's see... Barometric pressure one-oh-one-four... Slight updraft..."
	+ "Let's see, who to burn, who to burn?"
	+ "Sorry guys, got a lot to consider here."
	+ "There's no time limit on turns, right?"
	+ "Let's see. So many options."
* **Ally idle**
	+ "When in doubt, punch something really hard."
	+ "Feel free to go!"
	+ "Please go. Seriously."
	+ "Dude, are you still conscious?"
* **Ally idle, versus Red Wine Drunk Randy**
	+ "Don't let him drink anymore!"
	+ "This is way more of Stan's dad than I ever wanted to see."
* **New Kid idle**
	+ "Don't overthink it, Butthole. Follow your heart."
* **New Kid idle, Alternate Universes Collide**
	+ "Watch out, New Kid. Alternate Universe Human Kite is unpredictable and extremely dangerous."
	+ "I'm telling you, New Kid - he's messing with powers beyond his control!"
* **Toolshed idle**
	+ "It's totally Tool Time, dude. Do your thing."
	+ "I was afraid this might happen... He's got too many tools to choose from!"
* **Using Laser Burn**
	+ "Pew pew!"
* **After using Laser Burn**
	+ "Hope you enjoyed your laser treatment. Your skin might be a little tender for a while."
	+ "Now that's how you give the third degree."
	+ "Staring contest! You lost!"
	+ "You might feel intense burning."
	+ "Welcome to laser town!"
	+ "The best part of being a kite is the lasers."
	+ "Warning: Do not look directly into my fucking laser eyes."
	+ "Don't worry. Your eyebrows should grow back eventually."
	+ "Yes!"
	+ "Next time I'll use my high-beams."
	+ "Turns out looks CAN kill, right guys?"
* **First time using Jetstream**
	+ "Yeah, I call that one Jetstream. It's a heal. Pretty handy."
* **Using Jetstream**
	+ "Heal up!"
	+ "Galvanizing Gust!"
	+ "you are safe with me."
	+ "Enjoy!"
	+ "Kite rescue, coming soon!"
	+ "Take...this."
* **After using Jetstream**
	+ "You deserve this, just enjoy it."
	+ "Back in business!"
	+ "Ride it, buddy!"
	+ "Just relax and let me blow you back to health."
	+ "I'm your knight in shining Mylar."
* **First time using Kite Shield**
	+ "Galvanizing Gust - and now you have a damage-absorbing shield!"
* **Using Kite Shield**
	+ "Got you covered!"
	+ "You can count on me!"
	+ "Never fear, Kite's here!"
	+ "Here, dude!"
	+ "I got you!"
	+ "Thank me later!"
	+ "Gotcha!"
* **Using Kite Shield on Sheila Broflovski**
	+ "Lay off my mom!"
* **After using Kite Shield**
	+ "Great, now I'm dizzy."
* **Ultimate ready**
	+ "I forecast gentle breezes with a high chance of lasers and burning."
	+ "Let's see, what would reduce these fools to cinders, oh I know, WRATH OF KITE."
	+ "Feeling kind of wrathy right now, I won't lie!"
	+ "Not sure if you know but hell hath no fury like WRATH OF KITE."
	+ "I have a sudden urge to fly up to the stratosphere and just go nuclear on these pukes."
	+ "Forecast is blustery with a big chance of WRATH OF KITE."
	+ "Ready for liftoff!"
* **Using Wrath of Kite**
	+ "Pew pew!"
	+ "Activate: Wrath of Kite!"
	+ "I'M...SO...ANGRY!"
	+ "LASER DEATH!"
	+ "Look at me, dudes, I'm ON FIRE!"
	+ "My Wrath will pound you with pillars of flames!"
	+ "Time to end this!"
	+ "I'm high as a kite!"
	+ "Laying down the lasers."
	+ "Burn... BURN... BURNNNNN!"
	+ "Look out below!"
	+ "Laser coverage incoming!"
	+ "This is gonna burn...a lot."
	+ "Not gonna lie, this is really gonna hurt."
	+ "This dude is on fire!"
* **Using Wrath of Kite on Freedom Pals, Civil War, Civil War 2: Playtime's Over and The Thin White Line**
	+ "It's been fun, Freedom Pals, but now we have to say goodbye."
* **After using Wrath of Kite**
	+ "I hope someone got that on video."
	+ "That's a kiting."
	+ "By the power vested in my laser eyes, I now pronounce you ON FIRE!"
* **After using Wrath of Kite, enemies still active**
	+ "Whoa, people are still alive down here?"
* **After ally attacking**
	+ "They totally deserved that."
	+ "You show that bastard!"
* **After** **Call Girl using Selfie Stick Strike**
	+ "That photo really paints a picture."
* **After** **Call Girl using Phone Destroyer**
	+ "Thank goodness I'm on your friends list."
	+ "A fate worse than death. Poor bastard."
* **After Captain Diabetes using Coma Combo**
	+ "They're going to be sleeping that off for a while. In the hospital."
* **After Captain Diabetes using Insulin Shock**
	+ "You fucked up pretty bad, Captain, but I think you inspired them a little, too."
	+ "Next round of juice boxes is on me, Captain."
	+ "Glad you're on my side."
* **After The Coon using Coon Lunge or Coon Pounce**
	+ "Who knew something so fat could move so fast!"
	+ "I wonder if they can make your action figure do that? Like some kind of spring-loaded action, maybe?"
* **After Fastpass using Hit and Run**
	+ "Fastpass has no respect for the laws of physics."
	+ "I blinked. Did you do something?"
* **Targeted by Satanic Seal**
	+ "I definitely appreciate a nice breeze."
	+ "I did need that."
* **After Human Kite from an Alternate Universe using Didn't Count, Alternate Universes Collide**
	+ "That's some classic alternate-universe bullshit."
* **After Mosquito using Bug Bite Barrage**
	+ "Well sucked, Mosquito!"
* **After Mosquito using Zika Rush**
	+ "Careful, dude. We don't need the Center for Disease Control getting all up in our business."
	+ "Did I just witness a war crime?"
* **After Mosquito using Pandemic Pestilence**
	+ "Can someone get hives from just seeing something?"
	+ "I think I'm allergic to everything that just happened."
	+ "So how do you get all those bugs back in the jar, Mosquito?"
* **After Mysterion using Dark Whisper**
	+ "OK, now you're giving me anxiety."
* **After New Kid attacking**
	+ "New Kid, I like the way you punch."
	+ "That's our Butthole!"
	+ "Let 'em have it, New Kid!"
	+ "You showed that bastard!"
* **After New Kid using Backfire Blast**
	+ "There are times when I wonder, how much is too much, Butthole."
	+ "I am glad that I am not on the other side of that ass cannon right now."
* **After Professor Chaos using Hammer of Chaos**
	+ "Holy shit, dude! You're bringing your A game!"
* **After Super Craig using Mega Fist Punch**
	+ "You punched that bastard into the next time zone!"
	+ "Good aggression. Good aggression. Keep it up!"
* **After Super Craig using Omega Crash Extra**
	+ "Now, that's using your head."
* **After Toolshed using Drillslinger**
	+ "I think we just learned an important lesson in eye protection."
* **After Toolshed using Spiral Power**
	+ "I bet it's harder to aim when the lasers aren't firing from your eyeballs."
	+ "You know, you should learn how to twirl your drills. You know, add some pizzazz."
	+ "They're probably going to need tetanus shots."
	+ "What would happen in my eye lasers touched your drill lasers? Wanna cross streams?"
* **After Toolshed using Full Bore**
	+ "Jesus, dude. That was kind of hard to watch."
* **After Tupperware using Tupper Tornado**
	+ "Way to pick up the spare, Tupperware!"
	+ "You sent them flying!"
* **After Tupperware using Hot Swap**
	+ "Go get 'em, you mean machine."
* **After Wonder Tweek using Supreme Lightning**
	+ "Anyone else taste ozone?"
* **After Wonder Tweek using Icicle Strike**
	+ "You're a stone-cold killer, Wonder Tweek."
* **After a Timefart Glitch**
	+ "Nice time-tinkering, Butthole!"
	+ "You got SKIPPED!"
	+ "Oh, sorry. Did you want that turn? Too bad."
* **After a Timefart Pause, enemy knocked out**
	+ "Your farts kick ass, Butthole!"
	+ "You fucking around with the time stream, Fartmaster?"
* **After a Timefart Summon**
	+ "Nice ass-blast from the past, Fartlord."
	+ "Cool time clone, Butthole."
	+ "Hey, New Kid just farted up a doppelganger."
* **Enemy defeated**
	+ "I like our odds!"
	+ "Another enemy...grounded. I can get away with that, right?"
	+ "Blew 'em away!"
	+ "We sure showed them!"
	+ "I'm high as a kite!"
* **Enemy defeated, before joining Freedom Pals**
	+ "Coon and Friends Rules!"
* **New Kid defeating enemy**
	+ "Way to go, Butthole!"
* **Healing**
	+ "Back in business."
* **Healing item on ally**
	+ "I got something you should shove in your mouth!"
	+ "Action time!"
* **After using healing item on self**
	+ "Oh, that tickles!"
	+ "That was uplifting."
* **Targeted by healing item**
	+ "That's just what I needed."
* **Burning status cured**
	+ "Wow. You know when you're on fire, it's really hard to think about other things."
	+ "My favorite part was when I stopped burning."
* **Healed**
	+ "All right, I feel an updraft!"
	+ "I really needed that."
	+ "DO feel more pep in my step."
	+ "I needed that."
	+ "I feel a lot better now."
	+ "Thanks, Usually I have to do all the healing!"
* **Protected**
	+ "Oh yeah, I need this."
	+ "That's the stuff."
	+ "Thanks, dude!"
* **Reviving**
	+ "Now soar, SOAR... Oh wait, you can't even fly."
	+ "Let the Winds of Fate bear you to this world again!"
	+ "A kite just saved your life."
* **Revived**
	+ "The Human Kite takes to the sky once more!"
	+ "I'm baaack! Shit, where'd that come from?"
* **Attacked**
	+ "Kite hater!"
	+ "My keel! God dammit, they hit me in my keel!!!"
	+ "Kite resilience!"
	+ "Crap!"
	+ "Kite evasion powers: useless!"
	+ "Dammit!"
	+ "You are fucking with the wrong kite!"
	+ "Super uncool!"
	+ "Thank god for ripstop nylon!"
* **Attacked, Alternate Universes Collide Again**
	+ "Better you hit me than my mom, you jerks!"
	+ "Oww! I know who's gonna get laser burned next!"
	+ "I'll remember that!"
* **Targeted by Ground, The Chaos Gambit**
	+ "But you're not even my dad!"
	+ "Come on!"
	+ "Really!?"
	+ "Man..."
* **Targeted by Mecha Minion Chaos Supreme Missles, The Hundred Hands of Chaos**
	+ "We have rocket impact in T-minus... uh...soon!"
* **Attacked by The Coon, Alternate Universes Collide Again**
	+ "Screw you, Coon!"
* **Ally attacked**
	+ "Hang in there! Help is swooping your way!"
	+ "You'll pay for that! So swears the Human Kite!"
	+ "Don't let crime get the upper hand!"
	+ "Someone just made this kite's list."
* **Ally attacked by Red Wine Drunk Randy**
	+ "He's totally out of his mind!"
	+ "I think we underestimated the power of red wine."
* **Mysterion attacked**
	+ "You OK, Mysterion?"
* **New Kid attacked**
	+ "That's it, New Kid! Keep them distracted!"
	+ "Fart Lord, don't you have any powers to help you dodge those?"
* **Sheila Broflovski attacked, Alternate Universes Collide Again**
	+ "Hey, you better quit it right now!"
	+ "DUDE, THAT'S MY MOM!"
	+ "That's my mom, dick!"
* **Toolshed attacked**
	+ "Toolshed!"
	+ "The Human Kite will avenge you, Toolshed!"
* **Defeated, Alternate Universes Collide Again**
	+ "This is super not cool, guys!"
* **Defeated, final battle, Farts of Future Past**
	+ "Nooooo!"
* **Mysterion defeated**
	+ "Mysterion is down! You bastard!"
* **Toolshed defeated**
	+ "Toolshed, no!"
* **Bleeding**
	+ "Soda water gets out blood stains, right? From nylon, too?"
	+ "My precious bodily fluids!"
* **Burning**
	+ "Oh crap! I'm on fire."
	+ "I'm officially on fire over here, in the bad way."
	+ "Great, I'm literally on fire."
* **Charmed**
	+ "Huh... You guys seem kind of cool."
	+ "Oh... I guess you guys aren't so bad. I'll join your team."
	+ "Oh, I'm on a new team? That's cool."
	+ "I guess I'm a bad guy now?"
* **Mosquito Charmed, Mosquito in a Honey Pot**
	+ "Knock some sense into Mosquito, that'll snap him out of it!"
	+ "Dammit, Clyde! I'm gonna knock some sense into you!"
* **New Kid Charmed**
	+ "Butthole's joined the other team! You turncoat bastar- Oh, wait, he's just Charmed."
* **Chilled**
	+ "I can't feel my face. It sucks."
	+ "So...freezing. Human Kite...could really use a down jacket."
	+ "You'd think with my laser eyes I could just look at myself to warm up, but... It doesn't work like that."
	+ "You'd think Elementals like me would be immune to cold. Who made these dumb rules?"
* **New Kid Chilled**
	+ "We've got a frozen Fart Lord over here!"
* **Enemy Chilled**
	+ "Anyone else getting a case of the willies?"
* **Confused**
	+ "Where... Where'd I leave my damn keys?"
	+ "Did I leave the oven on? Have I ever even used an oven?"
* **Enraged**
	+ "Damn you guys, I'm so pissed!"
	+ "As something of a wrath expert, I'm about a 7.5 right now!"
	+ "I'm super pissed at you guys right now!"
	+ "Did I just hear you say something disparaging about kites?!"
* **Ally Grossed Out**
	+ "If that gets on my shoes, I'm gonna be pissed."
* **Shocked**
	+ "Look out, I'm electric!"
	+ "Oh man, I've got static cling so bad right now!"
	+ "I'm holding a charge! Damn my rubber-soled shoes!"
	+ "Whoa, I think I could jump-start a car right now."
	+ "Crap, I'm running around 220 volts right now, you definitely don't want to stand by me."
* **New Kid Shocked**
	+ "New Kid's electrified. Clear out!"
* **Slowed**
	+ "Human Kite is...awaiting more favorable wind patterns."
	+ "Human Kite, usually so deft and spry, is moving slow."
	+ "Oh man... How'd I get so heavy? I'm a kite for Christ's sake."
* **New Kid Slowed**
	+ "New Kid... Are you going goth?"
* **Victory**
	+ "This is the part where the bad guys regret their life choices."
* **Victory, against Buca de Faggoncini Cooks, The Bowels of the Beast**
	+ "OK, see you guys later. We're gonna go do some real superhero shit."
* **Victory, Rise of the Fourthies**
	+ "Man. We kicked some sixth grade ass!"
* **Victory, Alternate Universes Collide Again**
	+ "Broflovskis rule!"
* **Victory, against Chaos Minions first group, The Hundred Hands of Chaos**
	+ "Yeah! Team Chaos zero - Coon and Friends, like...like 50!"
* **Dialogue**
	+ **With Butters the Merciful and Thief Craig, self or ally idle, Farts of Future Past**
		- *Butters the Merciful*: "How'd you fellas end up here in the past?"
		*Human Kite*: "The New Kid farted really bad and ripped a hole in time and space."
		*Thief Craig*: "Wow, you couldn't come up with anything better than that?"
	+ **With Call Girl, versus High Jew Elf Kyle, Farts of Future Past**
		- *Call Girl*: "Wow, Past-Kyle had such a cool costume! What happened?"
		*Human Kite*: "Hey..."
	+ **With Call Girl, Call Girl using Blocked**
		- *Call Girl*: "Pew, pew, pew, phone laser!"
		*Human Kite*: "H-hey, we already have a laser user on the team."
	+ **With Captain Diabetes, after self or ally attacking**
		- *Captain Diabetes*: "Not even my podiatrist can save that villain."
		*Human Kite*: "Podiatrist? Is he like the Alfred to your Batman?"
	+ **With Captain Diabetes, after Captain Diabetes attacking**
		- *Captain Diabetes*: "Oh, wow. You see what I just did, guys?"
		*Human Kite*: "Yes, Captain. We saw it."
	+ **With Captain Diabetes, after using Laser Burn**
		- *Captain Diabetes*: "You're some marksman, Human Kite!"
		*Human Kite*: "Well, it's kind of hard to miss when you aim just by looking."
		*Captain Diabetes*: "Well, now that you put it that way, how could you ever miss?"
		- *Captain Diabetes*: "I'd love to hear more about that heat vision of yours, Human Kite."
		*Human Kite*: "Uh, sure. I can tell you all about it someday."
		*Captain Diabetes*: "Hear that, guys? Human Kite and Captain Diabetes are like best friends now!"
	+ **With Captain Diabetes, after Captain Diabetes using Coma Combo**
		- *Human Kite*: "Thanks, Captain!"
		*Captain Diabetes*: ​"No problem, Human Kite! Maybe later we can hang out at the mall or something."
	+ **With Captain Diabetes, after Captain Diabetes using Insulin Shock**
		- *Human Kite*: "Yes! Take the fight to them!"
		*Captain Diabetes*: "I will, valued ally!"
		*Human Kite*: "OK, calm down."
	+ **With Captain Diabetes, after New Kid using Backfire Blast**
		- *Captain Diabetes*: "Burn in hell, villains!"
		*Human Kite*: "Jesus, Scott."
		*Captain Diabetes*: "Sorry, I got a little carried away."
	+ **With Captain Diabetes, attacked**
		- *Captain Diabetes*: "I think they knocked your spars out of alignment, Human Kite."
		*Human Kite*: "I still feel pretty aligned, but thanks."
	+ **With Captain Diabetes, attacked by Captain Diabetes, Alternate Universes Collide Again**
		- *Captain Diabetes*: "I hope that didn't hurt too badly, Human Kite!"
		*Human Kite*: "Well, it did!"
	+ **With Chaos Kids, battle start**
		- *Chaos Kid*: "I'm not scared of nothing or nobody."
		*Human Kite*: "That's a double negative."
		*Chaos Kid*: "Exactly! CHAOS!"
	+ **With Chaos Kids, turn start**
		- *Human Kite*: "Check your watch, crime: It's kite time."
		*Chaos Kid*: "Nobody wears watches anymore!"
	+ **With The Coon, battle start versus Buca de Faggoncini Cooks, The Bowels of the Beast**
		- *​The Coon*: "Stand back! The real superheroes are here now."
		*Human Kite*: "Yeah, us real superheroes are here to save the day."
	+ **With The Coon, the Coon turn start, The Coon in low health**
		- *The Coon*: "You know, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one pulling his weight around here."
		*Human Kite*: "Well, to be fair-"
	+ **With The Coon and Super Craig, Super Craig turn start**
		- *​Super Craig*: "Who needs to get punched the most?"
		*The Coon*: "Probably Kyle."
		*Human Kite*: "Fuck off, Cartman!" / "Seriously, fuck you."
	+ **With The Coon, idle**
		- *​Human Kite*: "Just calculating some trajectories. I'll be ready in a sec."
		*The Coon*: "God, you're a nerd."
	+ **With The Coon, character other than The Coon idle**
		- *​The Coon*: "At moments like this, just think, "What would the Coon do?""
		*Human Kite*: "Probably something stupid."
	+ **With The Coon, after using Laser Burn**
		- *Human Kite*: "Turns out looks CAN kill, right guys?"
		*The Coon*: "No! That is not a Coon and Friends-sanctioned quip, Kite!"
		- *The Coon*: "Those eye lasers set for defrost or something? Kick up the intensity, Human Kite!"
		*Human Kite*: "Worry about your own shit, Coon."
	+ **With The Coon, after using Jetstream on The Coon**
		- *​The Coon*: "Nice blow job, Human Kite."
		*Human Kite*: "Remind me to let you get K.O.-ed next time, asshole."
	+ **With The Coon, after using Laser Burn, Alternate Universes Collide Again**
		- *​Human Kite*: "Ready to quit yet?"
		*The Coon*: "Nah, I feel like we should see where this goes."
		*Human Kite*: "Dammit!"
		- *Human Kite*: "Hey, can you guys just give up before we get in more trouble?"
		*The Coon*: "Sorry bro. No can do."
	+ **With The Coon, after The Coon attacking**
		- *Human Kite*: "Hey, Coon, nice of you to give a cosplay option to the plus-sized."
		*The Coon*: "Yeah, like for your fat bitch mom."
		- *Human Kite*: "Who know something fat could move so fast!"
		*The Coon*: "Fuck you, Kyle!"
	+ **With The Coon, attacked**
		- *​The Coon*: "Oh, do you want me to blow on your boo-boo, Kite?"
		*Human Kite*: "Don't anger your healer if you want to live, moron."
		- *Human Kite*: "Ow, this hurts worse than hemorrhoids."
		*The Coon*: "Suck it, up, Kyle! Jesus!"
	+ **With The Coon, attacked by The Coon, Alternate Universes Collide Again**
		- *​The Coon*: "I've wanted to do that for a long time."
		*Human Kite*: "Screw you, Coon!"
	+ **With The Coon, attacked by ally other than the Coon, Alternate Universes Collide Again**
		- *The Coon*: "You brought this on yourself, Kite."
		*Human Kite*: "Yeah... I know."
	+ **With The Coon, The Coon attacked**
		- *​The Coon*: "You fuck with the Coon, you answer to his friends. Right, guys?"
		*Human Kite*: "Yeah, yeah, we'll get around to it."
	+ **With The Coon, The Coon defeated**
		- *Human Kite*: "Dead? Already?"
		*The Coon*: "Fuck off, all of you."
	+ **With The Coon, Slowed**
		- ​*Human Kite*: "Human Kite, usually so deft and spry, is moving slow."
		*The Coon*: "He's deft and spry you guys! He admitted it!"
	+ **With The Coon, Revived**
		- *Human Kite*: "I'm baaack! Shit, where'd that come from?"
		*The Coon*: "Ha ha ha ha! It's in your genes!"
	+ **With The Coon and Toolshed, after attacking**
		- *Toolshed*: "Excellent use of your kite-based powers, Human Kite!"
		*Human Kite*: "Thanks, dude!"
		*The Coon*: "Jesus, you two, get a room."
	+ **With The Coon and Toolshed, The Coon defeated**
		- *Toolshed*: "Oh my god, they killed Cartman! I said, "Oh my god, they killed Cartman!"
		*Human Kite*: "What? I don't care. Do you?"
		*Toolshed*: "Oh yeah. Not really."
		*The Coon*: "Hey, fuck you guys!"
	+ **With Henrietta, after attacking**
		- *Henrietta*: "Nobody. Likes. Kites."
		*Human Kite*: "Lots of people do!"
	+ **With High Jew Elf Kyle, battle start, Farts of Future Past**
		- *High Jew Elf Kyle*: "Our King won't let you pass!"
		*Human Kite*: "Urgh, guess we're gonna have to do this the hard way."
	+ **With High Jew Elf Kyle, High Jew Elf Kyle turn start, Farts of Future Past**
		- *High Jew Elf Kyle*: "You don't stand a chance! Superheroes are so last summer."
		*Human Kite*: "What?! When was last time a fantasy franchise got number one at the box office?"
		- *High Jew Elf Kyle*: "These battle rules are highly unorthodox."
		*Human Kite*: "Well, your take on JRPG combat was dated!"
	+ **With Human Kite from an Alternate Universe, battle start, Alternate Universes Collide**
		- ​*Human Kite from an Alternate Universe*: "I haven't done a whole lot of sparring. Is this a no-contact thing?"
		*Human Kite*: "Full contact. Not sparring."
		*Human Kite from an Alternate Universe*: "Oh, I'm afraid that's impossible, I didn't bring my pads."
		*Human Kite*: "It's happening! Get him, New Kid!"
	+ **With Human Kite from an Alternate Universe, Human Kite from an Alternate Universe turn start, Alternate Universes Collide**
		- ​*Human Kite from an Alternate Universe*: "Oh my, there's a lot of decisions in this game, aren't there?"
		*Human Kite*: "You could not play! That's a decision you could make!"
		*Human Kite from an Alternate Universe*: "Oh, don't be silly!"
	+ **With Human Kite from an Alternate universe, New Kid idle, Alternate Universes Collide**
		- ​*Human Kite from an Alternate Universe*: "Oh, you guys, time out, my vertigo is starting to act up."
		*Human Kite*: "Jesus, come on, dude."
	+ **With Human Kite from an Alternate Universe, after Human Kite from an Alternate Universe using Shield of David, Alternate Universes Collide**
		- ​*Human Kite from an Alternate Universe*: "Yeah, I think this would be a lot more fair if I had a shield. Some kind of shield. Like a, like this Sefer Torah, which also has a great sentimental value."
		*Human Kite*: "Dude, Human Kite is an alien, there's no Jewish stuff involved! And you can't just make up powers in the middle of battle!"
		*Human Kite from an Alternate Universe*: "I'm not making it up; it's totally canon in my alternate universe."
	+ **With Human Kite from an Alternate Universe, Human Kite from an Alternate Universe using Turn Steal, Alternate Universes Collide**
		- *Human Kite from an Alternate Universe*: "Wait, I thought I should get this turn instead of the New Kid because he didn't wait when I said time out earlier, so I think it should be my turn now."
		*Human Kite*: "Are you kidding me? That's totally cheating!"
	+ **With Human Kite from an Alternate Universe, Human Kite from an Alternate Universe using Death From Above, Alternate Universes Collide**
		- *Human Kite from an Alternate Universe*: "All right, here we go, my super ultimate power. Get ready... Are you ready?"
		*Human Kite*: "Oh, Jesus."
		*Human Kite from an Alternate Universe*: "OK, Wrath of Kite from an Alternate Universe!"
	+ **With Mosquito, after Mosquito using Bug Bite Barrage**
		- *Human Kite*: "Are you sure that was really necessary, Mosquito?"
		*Mosquito*: "Oh, it was necessary. And delicious."
	+ **With Mosquito, after Mosquito using Pandemic Pestilence**
		- *Human Kite*: "So how do you get all those bugs back in the jar, Mosquito?"
		*Mosquito*: "Back in the jar?"
	+ **With Mosquito, turn start, versus Fighters of Zaron**
		- *Human Kite*: "If we really fought ourselves in the past, shouldn't we, like, remember it?"
		*Mosquito*: "I remember fighting myself in the past."
		*Human Kite*: "I mean, like... Ugh, never mind."
	+ **With Mosquito, after Super Craig using Shining Hate Finger**
		- *Mosquito*: "That middle finger of yours delivers quite a sting, and you don't even need to break it off and die when you use it."
		*Human Kite*: "That's bees, dumbass."
	+ **With Mosquito and Raisins Girls, battle start, Mosquito in a Honey Pot**
		- *Human Kite*: "Mosquito is coming with us!"
		*Lexus*: "No chance! See, Mr. Mosquito, we told you everyone else in here was a loser. Here's some losers now!"
		*Mosquito*: "I can't leave now, I got a pitcher of lemonade on the way!"
		*Ferrari*: "Welcome to the team! You're gonna need a total makeover."
		*Human Kite*: "Knock some sense into Mosquito, that'll snap him out of it!"
		*Mosquito*: "I feel so... Tingly." / "Seriously guys, the wings are really good."
		*Human Kite*: "Dammit, Clyde! I'm gonna knock some sense into you!"
		*Lexus*: "Nice hit, sweetie! You're so strong!"
	+ **With Mysterion, after using Wrath of Kite**
		- *Mysterion*: "Death comes on plastic wings."
		*Human Kite*: "Actually, I kinda made 'em out of Mylar and this polyurethane stuff."
	+ **With Mysterion, after Mysterion using Demonic Fury**
		- *Human Kite*: "Wow, dude, it's like you have zero fear of death."
		*Mysterion*: "I'm not the one who needs to be afraid."
	+ **With Mysterion, ally attacked**
		- *​Human Kite*: "I'll make them pay for that!"
		*Mysterion*: "No. Vengeance will be mine alone."
	+ **With Professor Chaos, battle start against Mecha Minion Chaos Supreme, The Hundred Hands of Chaos**
		- *Human Kite*: "Dude, you totally outdid yourself!"
		*Professor Chaos*: "Thanks!"
	+ **With Professor Chaos, after Mecha Minion Chaos Supreme using Lava Piss, The Hundred Hands of Chaos**
		- *Human Kite*: "Jesus, what the fuck was that?"
		*Professor Chaos*: "My Chaos Supreme comes with extra hot sauce!"
	+ **With Professor Chaos, Chaos Minion turn start, Round 1, The Hundred Hands of Chaos**
		- *Professor Chaos*: "Why would you side with such weaklings, Toolshed?"
		*Human Kite*: "Yeah, why, Stan?"
	+ **With Raisins Girl, turn start**
		- *Human Kite*: "Check your watch, crime: It's kite time."
		*Raisins Girl*: "What does that even mean?"
	+ **With Raisins Girl, Raisins Girl turn start**
		- *​Raisins Girl*: "After we beat you guys up, do you want to buy a Raisins calendar?"
		*Human Kite*: "Oh god, no."
	+ **With Raisins Girl, self or ally idle**
		- *Raisins Girl*: "So, you guys having a good time today?"
		*Human Kite*: "No!"
	+ **With Sheila Broflovski and Human Kite from an Alternate Universe, Sheila Broflovski attacked for the first time, Alternate Universes Collide Again**
		- *Human Kite*: "DUDE, THAT'S MY MOM! OK everyone, just STOP! We're taking this too far!"
		*Sheila*: "To heck with that. These boys need to learn some manners!"
		*Human Kite from an Alternate Universe*: "Yeah, Aunt Sheila!"
		*Human Kite*: "You wanna beat up my mom, you're gonna have to go through me, first!"
	+ **With Sheila Broflovski, turn start, Alternate Universes Collide Again**
		- *Human Kite*: "You guys can't fight my mom! She's gonna kick your ass!"
		*Sheila*: "Kyle, language!"
	+ **With Sheila Broflovski, Sheila Broflovski attacked, Alternate Universes Collide Again**
		- *Human Kite*: "That's my mom, dick!"
		*Sheila*: "KYLE!"
	+ **With Sheila Broflovski, Human Kite from an Alternate Universe or self attacked for the first time, Alternate Universes Collide Again**
		- *Sheila*: "You're gonna come in my backyard and disrespect MY FAMILY? I WILL FUCKING DESTROY YOU!"
		*Human Kite*: "Mom! Calm down!"
	+ **With Sheila Broflovski, Bleeding, Alternate Universes Collide Again**
		- *Human Kite*: "Oh, great, thanks guys. I'm bleeding."
		*Sheila*: "Kyle, you're bleeding all over the place. Are you OK?!"
		*Human Kite*: "Yeah, I'm fine, Ma."
	+ **With Sheila Broflovski, Burning, Alternate Universes Collide Again**
		- *Human Kite*: "Human Kite is on fire! And I'm made of mostly paper!"
		*Sheila*: "Oh, you be careful, Kyle!"
	+ **With Sheila Broflovski, Chilled, Alternate Universes Collide Again**
		- *Human Kite*: "I'm... so cold."
		*Sheila*: "Kyle! Put on a jacket - you'll catch your death!"
		*Human Kite*: "No, thanks."
	+ **With Sixth Grader, turn start**
		- *Human Kite*: "Feel the wrath of...Human Kite!"
		*Sixth Grader*: "Stupid fourthie with a kite on his back!"
		- *Human Kite*: "Check your watch, crime: It's kite time."
		*Sixth Grader*: "Seriously?"
	+ **With Super Craig, battle start, Rise of the Fourthies**
		- *Super Craig*: "Are we really going to take on the Sixth Graders?"
		*Human Kite*: "No mercy, guys!"
	+ **With Super Craig, Super Craig idle**
		- *Human Kite*: "Go any time, Craig."
		*Super Craig*: "Don't rush me, Kite."
	+ **With Super Craig, after Super Craig attacking**
		- *Human Kite*: "If only you put as much effort into your costume as you did that move."
		*Super Craig*: "Look, dude. You're lucky I even showed up."
	+ **With Super Craig, after Super Craig using Mega Fist Punch**
		- *Human Kite*: "You beat the crap out of them dude, good work."
		*Super Craig*: "I don't need your praise, but thank you."
	+ **With Toolshed, turn start**
		- *Human Kite*: "Check your watch, crime: It's kite time."
		*Toolshed*: ???
	+ **With Toolshed and Wonder Tweek, turn start, Farts of Future Past**
		- *Human Kite*: "So if we beat our past selves, does that mean we change the future?"
		*Toolshed*: "Maybe we split off into another timeline."
		*Wonder Tweek*: "Can we PLEASE establish a canon and stick to it?! AUGH!"
	+ **With Toolshed, Toolshed turn start**
		- *Toolshed*: "Ready to screw the bad guys!"
		*Human Kite*: "Wow."
	+ **With Toolshed, attacked by Toolshed**
		- *Human Kite*: "Jesus, dude. That really hurt!"
		*Toolshed*: "Sorry!"
	+ **Fighting Jared, after he speaks, The Thin White Line**
		- "Get away from me."
		- "Keep your sandwich in your pants!"
		- "You're gross and your sandwiches are gross."
	+ **Fighting the Coon and Mitch Conner, To Catch a Coon**
		- *Human Kite*: "We know you're not really hostage of your own hand, asshole."
		*The Coon*: "Oh, yeah, blame the victim. Real cool, Kite."
		- *Human Kite*: "Dammit, Coon! Quit fooling around!"
		*The Coon*: "I'm just an innocent hostage here!"
		- *The Coon*: "You know I didn't do that, right? That was Conner."
		*Human Kite*: "Give me a fucking break!" / "Oh god, it's so fucking obvious Cartman is fucking with us."
		- *The Coon*: "Man, Mitch Conner sure plays dirty, huh guys?" / "Wow, Mitch is pretty tough, huh guys?"
		*Human Kite*: "Cut the crap, dick!"
		- *The Coon*: "Wow, Mitch is pretty tough, huh guys?"
		*Human Kite*: "Fuck you, Cartman."
		- *The Coon*: "Guys, I'm really sorry about this. Mitch is such an asshole, huh?"
		*Human Kite*: "You're such a fucking liar, Cartman!"
		- *Human Kite*: "This is getting real old, Coon."
		*The Coon*: "Yeah, tell me about it. Stop Conner!"
		- *Mitch Conner*: "How does it feel having your friends' blood on your hands, Coon?"
		*Human Kite*: "Yeah, like literally ON YOUR HAND, asshole."
		*The Coon*: "Dude, it's not me!"
		- *Human Kite*: "Cartman, STOP. SERIOUSLY."
* **Unsorted**
	+ "Way to protect your healer, assholes."
	+ "Oh no."
	+ "Cartman... This is your fault... Ugh...."
	+ "This is not a charade. This is Mitch's doing."
	+ "You're like The Punisher, if he was a disgruntled hardware store employee."
	+ *Toolshed*: "You OK, buddy?"
	*Human Kite*: "I'm good. Just makin' some plans."
	+ "When this blows over, can you make us a sweet tree house?"
	+ "God dammit Cartman, stop putting "Coon" on everything!!"
	+ *Human Kite*: "We're still friends, right?"
	*Toolshed*: "Yeah, I guess so."
	+ "Nice grouping on those shots, Toolshed."
	+ *Human Kite*: "Nice work stopping their attacks with your body, Chaos!"
	*Professor Chaos*: "Oh, thanks!"
	+ "The needs of many outweigh the needs of one hamster, I guess."
	+ *Professor Chaos*: "Let the winds of Chaos blow you, Human Kite..."
	*Human Kite*: "You saying you want to blow me, Chaos?"
	*Professor Chaos*: "Muahahaha! Chaos!"
	+ "See, guys. I'm a full-service Human Kite."
	+ "It'll take more than that to kill the mighty Toolshed!"
	+ *Mysterion*: "Knock off the bullshit, Kite."
	*Human Kite*: "I'm not doing anything, dude. It's Mitch!"
	+ *Wonder Tweek*: "Gah! Human Kite's turned evil!"
	*Human Kite*: "Mitch Conner's the evil one here, not me!"
	+ *Super Craig*: "What the hell's your problem?"
	*Human Kite*: "Don't ask me! Ask the hand!"
	+ *Toolshed*: "Dude! What the fuck you attacking us for?"
	*Human Kite*: "It's not me, dude! It's Mitch!"
	+ *Call Girl*: "We get it, Kyle. You're calling Cartman's bluff. You can stop now."
	*Human Kite*: "Talk to Mitch. I don't have any say in the matter."
	+ "New Kid, we need the whole team to stay alive if this is going to work."
	+ "Not like this, New Kid! Not like this!"
	+ "Cartman, you're such a fucking asshole. Just stop."
	+ "God dammit Cartman, just stop it already!"
	+ "Here we go, assholes!"
	+ "New Kid! Get a hold of yourself! You're a superhero and we're saving South Park! It's all very straightforward!"

## Trivia

* Human Kite once had a quote saying: "It's a bird! It's a kite! It's a Human Kite!" when starting his turn, as a direct reference to Superman. However, this line only appears in the demo gameplay and not in the full game.