Divine Dialogue: Merry Saturnalia

## Characters

* Hermes
* Dionysus
* Khione
* Euterpe
* Erato
* Thalia

## Location

* Location: Olympus - Chamber of Festivals
* Date: First Day of Saturnalia
* Time: Early Evening

## Divine Dialogue

* **Dionysus:** Well, then, I think that covers that. ... So, we will amend the newest printing of Rites, Rotes, and Rituals with more clear language on the subject of participant nudity at the Ecdysia. What else is on our agenda?
* **Thalua:** We have Khione and Hermes.
* **Dionysus:** Oh? [pause] Cousin. What do you have for me?
* **Khione:** Actually, [footsteps] I'm the one who requested this audience.
* **Dionysus:** I see... and you brought Hermes as your second? [pause] I didn't realize you two were a thing again.
* **Khione:** [scoff] We most certainly are not.
* **Euterpe:** Very well, Khione... Maybe just tell us what brings you here?
* **Hermes:** [sigh] She's seeking an injyction against me.
* **Dionysus:** An injusction? [scoff] Why? [pause] What did you do, cousin?
* **Hermes:** I was merely seeking to bring some extra fun to Saturnalia
* **Khione:** He's trying to usurp my place as the Deity of Saturnalia
* **Hermes:** No, you can have it. The last thing I need is another purview. Believe me
* **Khione:** Oh, please. Don't give me that. You have had your thieving little hands all ready to snatch the purview out from me. I saw your schemes at work.
* **Erato:** Schemes? What schemes would these be?
* **Khione:** He was found introducing new traditions to a festival of which I oversee.
* **Thalia:** Saturnalia.
* **Khione:** Yes.
* **Euterpe:** Which traditions were these?
* **Khione:** Well, for starters, he was teaching mortals songs to be sung.
* **Euterpe:** I don't see the problem with that... I'm curios wha songs these were, though.
* **Khione:** Well, I don't know the title, but it went something like this... "Freezy the Snow Symph... Was a happy, cheerful spirit... With a poppy pipe and button-"
* **Hermes:** Whoa, whoa... Whoa... Your're killing it. It's called Frosty the Snowman.
* **Erato:** What's is a Snowman?
* **Thalia:** No idea.
* **Hermes:** It's a... Children can make it in the snow. You roll big balls od snow and stack them on top of another to create the shape of a-
* **Erato:** Prick! [giggle] Like one of your other inventions? the 'herms'? Except instead of rocks, you use snow?
* **Hermes:** No! it's... [sigh] My own juvenile creations come back o bite me in the ass... [sigh] This is in the shape of a man. Hence " snow - man," you get it now?
* **Khione:** This is nonsense...
* **Dionysus:** Nonsense does tend to be a prevailing feature that rules during Saturnalia.
* **Khione:** Not this sort of nonsense. He is also hanging weed from thresholds and encouraging some fertility practice to be done beneath it. Obviously, this is something that Demeter would likely object to.
* **Dionysus:** I see... Care to explain yourself, Hermes?
* **Hermes:** [chuckle] It's harmless fun, You hang some mistletoe up and if two people are standing under it, they're meant to kiss. That's it! [chuckle]
* **Erato:** I don't see a problem with that tradition. I think it has some value.
* **Dionysus:** Cousin, I am most curious, are these traditions of your own invention or acquire them elsewhere?
* **Hermes:** [chuckle] Well, I am the God of Invention, aren't I?
* **Khione:** Yes, but you're also the God of Thieves.
* **Thalia:** And the God of Liars.
* **Hermes:** Yes, yes... I'm the God of a lot of things, but none of that is the point-
* **Dionysus:** What is the point? Why are you so interested in overhauling Saturnalian traditions?
* **Hermes:** What? I can't have an opinion? It hasn't had any significant additions to it's traditions in centuries. All I want is to give it a little more... Holiday cheer.
* **Thalia:** I do like the idea of spreading cheer.
* **Dionysus:** As do I... Festivals should have cheer.
* **Khione:** Saturalia is full of mirth and fun already. It doesn't need to be added to. It's great as it is already!
* **Hermes:** I know. It's "the best of days" as is, but I'm just saying... It could be better. Have you thought about expanding the gift-giving?
* **Khione:** The exchange of sigillaria? What of it? How should I expand it?
* **Hermes:** Sigillaria are gag gifts and useless trinkets. Why not expand it so you could be encouraged to give thoughtful and useful presents to your friends and family?
* **Thalia:** I don't know about this. I have always thought the sigillaria are fun.
* **Hermes:** Sure, I also love giving out my junk to people. You could still give sigillaria... you know, to your neighbors or peers at schools or work, but-
* **Khione:** This is obviously a tactic to increase trade during my festivals. Is that wha this is all about?
* **Hermes:** [sigh] No! I was just- You know what, you deliver all the presents during Saturnalia! I'll lend you my Caduceus and Talaria- [pause, chuckle] Wait, no! I have a better idea! We could dress you in red, give you a nice chariot pulled by a team of flying hinds, and you cna leave the sigillaria in people's socks! [pause] How do you feel about baked goods?
* **Dionysus:** Cousin... Are you feeling all right? Are you overworked? Do you need to take a vacation?
* **Hermes:** [scoff] I recently returned from vacation. In fact, it was while I was on vacation that I , uh came up with these ideas... [chuckle]

## Trivia and Notes

* Saturnalia an ancient Roman festival and holiday in honor of the god Saturn, held on 17 December. It serves as one of the origins of modern day Christmas along with the Germanic people Yule festival.
* A herm is a sculpture with a head and perhaps a torso of the god of roads Hermes above a plain, usually squared lower section, on which male genitals may also be carved at the appropriate height.
* Hermes is the only god that still visits Earth as such he knows about Christmas while the others do not.