Star Trek: Picard

Star Trek: Picard, also known to the PCW community as Star Trek: Pukehard or Star Trek: Peehard, is a NuTrek show which degrades the once great and admirable Captain Picard we know and love from The Next Generation to a bumbling, frail emasculated figure so much that we can't even watch TNG the same way again without having it in mind what the Picard we see will eventually turn into. Of course, it was headed by Alex Kurtzman, but the more surprising element was that Patrick Stewart himself had a major control over the story and is thus majorly responsible for killing his own character!

## Season 1

We start the show by watching how old and frail Picard has become. He has retired to his vineyard- but we knew that would happen from Al Good Things, right? Well, it turns out that Picard did not retire voluntarily- he was FORCED OUT! For some reason Starfleet had turned dark (the reason is clear from an out of universe perspective since the show is trying to reflect our grim reality more) and kicked Picard out after he screamed at them that they WERE NO LONGER STAHFLEET! This completely ruins the whole point of Star Trek and Starfleet. One of the tenants of Star Trek was how optimistic the future was because humans have evolved beyond various social problems, and in fact Starfleet acted as the pinnacle upon which other societies (which often had problems which mirrored real world problems) could be compared against, with the ultimate message being that we will eventually evolve past that problem as a species. However, by making Starfleet itself morally unfounded, it completely destroys this premise and removes the optimism Star Trek is supposed to instill in its viewers.

Now we get to why Picard was forced out- he wanted to provide aid to the Romulans when a supernova was threatening their planet. If Starfleet was evolved, they should agree, even if the Romulans were their enemy, since that is the RIGHT THING TO DO. In any case, an attack on Mars scars Picard since this was when Starfleet changed their mind to no longer provide aid to the Romulans, and being reminded of this attack during a news interview (with a snarky female interviewer) causes Picard to snap and lose his composure, giving us the first view into how this once great man has fallen. As the show continues, more female and diverse characters show up and sideline Picard in his own show, of course. Also, every episode turns into the "Who will bash Picard for being a straight white male" show. In the first episode it is the interviewer, but in the second episode it is the starfleet Admiral known as Clancy, AKA Admiral Hubris, who tells Picard "SHEER F\*CKING HUBRIS" when he asks to get a spaceship. The most celebrated admiral in STARFLEET HISTORY CANT EVEN GET A SPACESHIP WITHOUT BEING CUSSED AT!

There's also a stupid side plot about a Borg cube but nobody cares about that. There is Soji who is an android, her Romulan lover who is trying to get her to "activate" so they can find out where her home planet is, and his Romulan spy sister who has an incestuous relationship with her brother. Seven of Nine also appears (to berate Picard of course) but her character is also ruined for a number of different reasons. And of course there is that gratuitous scene where Icheb is killed when his eyes get pulled right out of his head! And we can't stop there with character death- Hugh, the first freed Borg and fan favorite, is next on the chopping block hit list after that! Bruce Maddox then dies, and he is killed by one of the women on Picard's crew who was brainwashed by SPOOKY PHOTOS to do so and she GETS AWAY WITH IT! And of course Picard is joined on his journey by an elf straight out of Lord of the Rings (who brings a sword to a phaser fight?) named Elnor- come on, you can't even avoid making his name an anagram of Elrond!

This all culminates on the Android world where it turns out that the big bad of the season is another BAD AI- it's not as if we had another bad AI just a short while ago or anything- oh that's right CONTROL FROM DISCOVERY! And as the flying tentacles are coming through the portal, shutting it down is more than enough to repel them away for good, hooray! And that would not have been possible if androids COULDNT MIND MELD! And of course, Picard DIES at the end of HIS OWN SHOW and is transferred into a golem body so he is basically a robot THAT AGES EXACTLY LIKE A HUMAN!!!! But to us, Picard died in 2002 when Nemesis was released.

That being said, there are a FEW OKAY scenes in the show. The whole episode Nepenthe is a welcome break from the stupidity as we are reunited with Deanna Troi and Will Riker for a nice relaxing episode. In addition, in the finale Picard is able to have one last talk with Data to provide closure on that subject (gosh I hope Brent Spiner won't be back as Data again next season or anything like that...)

## Season 2

Season 2 was revealed to be in production and it features the return of Q. Gosh, another character from TNG- oh golly I surely hope they won't ruin Q- or WILL THEY?