Sweetfin vs. Chipotle vs. sweetgreen with Lauren Lapkus and Nicole Byer

### Guest

Lauren Lapkus, Nicole Byer, Evan Susser, Corinne Mitchell, John Hodgman, and Matt Kowalick

"Munch Madness: Sweetfin vs. Chipotle vs. sweetgreen with Lauren Lapkus and Nicole Byer" is Episode 391 of *Doughboys*, hosted by Nick Wiger and Mike Mitchell. "Munch Madness: Sweetfin vs. Chipotle vs. sweetgreen with Lauren Lapkus and Nicole Byer" was released on March 30, 2023.

## Synopsis

It's the finale of **Munch Madness 2023: The Tournament of Chompions: BOWL**! Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus of *Newcomers* join forces with the 'boys to determine who will be crowned winner and take home the Dave Thomas Cup. Plus, special appearances from The Commissioner, Mrs. Mitchell, and The Noid.

## Nick's intro

*Previously on Fat Chance Kitchen Presents: Bread Dead Redemption…*

**Mitch**: We'll say our winner.
**Nick and Mitch**: 3... 2... 1
**all**: Sweetgreen!
**Nick**: It is unanimous! Sweetgreen rejoining the main tournament! It will be part of the Chompionship live TONIGHT!

Five short weeks ago, eight chains began a bowl battle for the ages. Combatants from every school of bowldom of stew consistency or greater brought their B-games — the “B” stands for “bowl” — in a quest to be the supreme sad stack we sad sacks suck down for sustenance. One by one the lesser of the mighty bowl beasts were bested, and only the strongest have soldiered on to this climactic conflict, collectively forming a triforce of circle-shaped containers when viewed from a bird's-eye perspective.

So who will prove the baddest bowl on the block?

Will it be Chipotle, the fast-casual Mexican-American chain who’s made it socially acceptable to eat seven-layer dip with a spoon?

Will it be Sweetfin, the poké pusher who’s emerged in the past decade to offer a chain version of the Hawaiian raw fish dish to hungry gentrifiers?

Or will longshot Fat Chance Kitchen: Bread Dead Redemption winner sweetgreen become the surprise victor via a baked-goods end-around?

Who will emerge as Bowl Baron and glop its goopy pile of protein and carbs into the most prestigious trophy in chain restaurant podcasting, the Dave Thomas Cup/Bowl? Which bowl will we offer to the whale-like Payakan from the *Avatar* franchise and also to the Brendan Fraser Whale, which Darren Arronofsky insists is not meant to refer to the guy but come on! Which bowl captures our soul?

Tonight, a Chompion will be crowned!

This week on *Doughboys*… live from Headgum Studios, it’s the Finale of **Munch Madness 2023: The Tournament of Chompions: BOWL**! Chipotle vs. Sweetfin vs. sweetgreen!

*Let's a-go!*

## Statement from The Commissioner

The Commissioner joins the pod to welcome everyone to the Finale. He declares it the best Tournament in the history of *Doughboys,* but makes a quick adjustment to the rules. He declares the categories as scattergories, removing all the categories (except the Whale) used to score the bowls in prior rounds.

Susser also allows Mrs. Mitchell to end the controversy about whether Christmas is a cookie holiday, saying it will never be asked again.

Lastly, Susser announces next year's **Tournament of Chompions 2024** theme: the entire Taco Bell menu.

## "The Star-Spangled Bowler" from The Noid

What so proudly we hailed
As the twilight's last gleaming
Whose bowl stripes and bowl stars
Through the perilous fight
Tho the ramparts we watched
Were so gallantly streaming
And the rockets red glare
The bowls bursting in air
Gave proof through the night
That our food was still there
Bowl say does that star spanged bowler yet wave
Bowl the land of the free
And the home of the bowl
Let's play BOWL!*

## BOWL: Rules 📜

The rules for this year's **Munch Madness 2023: The Tournament of Chompions: BOWL:**

* Salad ain't valid. No salads! Bowls only.
* Chili is silly. No simple bowls of chili.
* Stew won't do. Bowl viscosity must be stew-level at minimum. Goop not soup!
* Gru will do. Discussion of Gru at any age is allowed.
* When it comes to strikes, we're at the bowling alley. Strikes are good! Three strikes and you are in.
* Two strikes = a 7-10 split decision and you are also in.
* Drinks are in the gutter. Sides are also in the gutter.
* Cookies are ookie. Cookies cannot be considered, but it must be asked: is Christmas a cookie holiday?
* When it comes to bread, there is more that will be said. Chips are also bread.
* However, drinks are in the nutter. Sides are in the nutter. You can consider sides and drinks. (The Pally rule; amended by Cherry.)
* Silverware and the bowl itself can be factored in to the decision.

## BOWL: Finale 🍲

In BOWL, Sweetfin previously won its matchups against Poké Bar and CAVA.

Chipotle made the BOWL Finale by defeating Yoshinoya and then Pressed.

sweetgreen was added to the Finale by winning Bread Dead Redemption, after having previously losing to CAVA.

* Forbidden Rice
* Extra Tofu
* White Rice
* Pinto Beans
* Guacamole on the side
* Fresh Tomato Salsa
* Tomatillo-Red Chili Salsa
* Fajita Veggies
* Cheese
* Queso Blanco
 Mike Mitchell
* Bamboo Rice, Forbidden Rice
* Red Onion
* Crispy Garlic
* Chicken Al Pastor, Steak
* Brown Rice
* Pinto Beans
* Fresh Tomato Salsa
* Roasted Chili-Corn Salsa
* Tomatillo-Green Chili Salsa
* Sour Cream
* Cheese

Chips & Tomatillo-Green Chili Salsa
* no Shredded Kale
* no Goat Cheese
* Chopped Romaine
* Apple (2)
* Shaved Parmesan

Fish Taco Bowl (Mrs. Mitchell's order)
 Lauren Lapkus
* Bamboo Rice
* Cucumbers
* Edamame

Lil' Fish Kid's Bowl [Lauren's daughter's order]
Taro Chips
* Tacos
* Chips & Guacamole
* Kid's Quesadilla [Lauren's daughter's order]
	+ Organic Apple Juice
	+ Chips
* no Spicy Broccoli
 Nicole Byer
* Sweet Potato Ponzu Lime Poke
* Yuzu Salmon
* Chili Ginger Noodle
* Taro Chips
* Double Chicken
* Romaine Lettuce
* Fresh Tomato Salsa
* Tomatillo-Red Chili Salsa
* Sour Cream
* Guacamole
* Chopped Romaine
* Warm Quinoa
* Cucumber
* Tomato
* Avocado
* Blackened Chicken (2)
* Parmesan Crisp
* Shaved Parmesan
* Kraft Ranch Dressing

## BOWL: Finale Elimination 🍲

First up, the Doughboys decide which of the three chains comes in third place, eliminated from the Finale.

 Mike Mitchell
 Lauren Lapkus
 Nicole Byer

Sweetfin is eliminated!

## BOWL: Heart of a Chompion Award 🍲

This year, there were a number of possible nominees for the Heart of a Chompion Award:

* Headgum engineers Casey Donahue and Anya Kanevskaya
* hot sauce
* poké
* lids
* *The Whale*

Congratulations to lids! They win the 2023 BOWL: Heart of the Chompion Award!

## BOWL: Chompion 🍲

Next, they must decide the Chompion between Chipotle and sweetgreen.

Which of these bowls are being given to The Dude in *The Big Lebowski* and is so good that it resurrects Donny back to life?

The winning bowl gets a strike. (Three strikes and you're in. Turkeys are good! But also two strikes is a 7-10 split decision and you advance as well.)

If it loses, it is declared a gutterbowl and is given to The Man.

 Mike Mitchell
 Lauren Lapkus
 Nicole Byer

They tie!!

Congratulations to the two winners of the Dave Thomas Cup, the 2023 Bowl Chompions: Chipotle and Sweetgreen!

## "Bowl Man" by Nick & Mitch

Good munchin', I got a forkload
And when you eat it, you get sloppy
So don't worry 'cause I'm chomping

I'm a bowl man!
I'm a bowl man!
I'm a bowl man!
I'm a bowl man!

What I want the hard way
And I'll eat better each and every day
So build your bowl and don't you fret
And you ain't seen nothin' yet

I'm a bowl man!
I'm a bowl man!
I'm a bowl man!
I'm a bowl man!*

## Is Christmas A Cookie Holiday? 🎄🍪

 John Hodgman
 Lauren Lapkus
 Nicole Byer

## Quotes

**Nick**: I always think of the big leagues of shitting as a public beach. That's a rough bathroom.

**Lauren**: I would pay fifteen dollars.
**Nicole**: I'd pay maybe a thousand.

## Related Episodes

* DD. Poké Region
* 388. Acai Region
* DD. Rumblies Region
* 389. Semi-Soft Finals
* DD. Toilet Bowl Region
* 390. Semi-Soft Finals
* DD. Bread Dead Redemption
* 391. **Finale**
* 99. Jimmy John's
* DD42. A Very Doughboys Christmas
* 340. Hero's Journey: Sub-Optimal: Desperation Region
* 391. **BOWL: Finale**
* 75. Red Lobster 3
* 94. Chicken Fight: Wing Region
* 100. Nugget Power Hour
* 134. Cinnabon
* DD. Bacon Maple Gremlins
* 196. Mouth of the Border: Finals
* 229. Regina Pizzeria
* 230. 99 Restaurant
* 243. Mac Attack: Elite Ate
* DD. Gremlins in the Wires
* 293. Pie Noon: Finals
* DD. The Mitchy Clause
* 391. **BOWL: Finale**

* DD. BOWL: Poké Region
* 389. BOWL: Semi-Soft Finals
* 391. **BOWL: Finale**
* 65. Doughlympics - Mexican Division
* 118. Chipotle 2
* 193. Mouth of the Border: Fast Casual Region
* DD. Mouth of the Border: Fat Chance Kitchen
* DD. Mouth of the Border: Fat Chance Kitchen
* 249. Chipotle 3
* DD. BOWL: Rumblies Region
* 390. BOWL: Semi-Soft Finals
* 391. **BOWL: Finale**
* 107. Jersey Mike's (score revision)
* 362. sweetgreen 2
* 387. BOWL: Work Lunch Region
* DD. BOWL: Bread Dead Redemption
* 391. **BOWL: Finale**

## Photos

Super Green GoddessHarvest BowlFish Taco BowlVeggie Full BowlBurrito BowlChipsMiso Eggplant and Mushroom Poke Bowl / Spicy Tuna Poke Bowl