recursal/Fanatic-Fandom huggingface dataset:
January 6th Insurrection

In 1 A.B., Then-President The Great MAGA King led an invasion of the U.S. Capitol building using stolen Combine equipment left on Earth after the Great META War. He brought an army of mindless G-Anon truthers to the capitol, promising them that G-Man Alpha would prevent Chairman of the Board Joe Biden from becoming the next U.S. President.

The Capitol Building was destroyed by several striders. All U.S. Government entities were relocated to the Bass Pro Shop Pyramid for the remainder of Trump's presidency. As chairman of the Board, Biden reprimanded Trump for his actions and demanded a face-to-face meeting. This led directly into the Glue Factory Incident.
Kragdrysil

Kragdrysil was the sole moon of Inhersloht, and was an influencial area in the Great META War 3. A small ice moon, Kragdrysil held the distinguished accomplishment of being one of the only bodies in Omniversal history to be terraformed at the hands of the Employers (namely the Auditor).

### Imperial Hierarchy

The Imperial hierarchy of Kragdrysil was one of the most peculiar of all of the Omniverse. The planet was ruled by an Emperor or Empress. The Emperor was decided when one Kragdryse fully consumed the living previous Emperor. Since Kragdryse did not digest bones, the skeleton of the original Emperor was present inside of the final Empress, 42 dynasties later. When The Auditor took control of Kragdrysil, he became the first Emperor in Kragdryse history to not consume his predecessor.

### Cherry Colapocalypse

The visit and coup by the Auditor destroyed the ecosystem of Kragdrysil and sent the moon into a downward spiral of climate disasters. The frigid ice sheets which had once covered the planet melted and were polluted with so much Cherry Cola that they became a blood- red sea of glucose and cholesterol.

Eventually, the planet was completely and permanently tinted red, due to the massive amount of Red-40 used in the Cherry Cola plants on Kragdrysil (of which there were 5,003).

### Destruction

Kragdrysil eventually became so massive due to imported sugar products that it outweighed its planet, Inhersloht, and the two celestial bodies began spiraling inward towards one another, in a disastrous dance of doom. Eventually Kragdrysil ripped Inhersloht apart, and orbited in an extremely elliptic orbit for several years, before crashing into the system's star during the Siege of Ecoria.
G-3301

## G-3301 (G-Man 3301)

G-3301 was a G-Man variant and a high-ranking Combine Official. He served as a Combine Army General in the Great META War and committed dozens of war crimes in North America and China during this time.

## G-3301

### Aliases

G-Man
3301

### Relatives

G-Man
G-Man (Timefracture Alpha)

### Occupation

Military General
Barista

## Physical description

### Early Childhood

**G-3301** was raised by the fauna of Ghetsin 2's atmosphere. They carried him around through the skies, and raised him as one of their own. G-3301 eventually would leave Ghetsin 2, in search of other life like him. He was found and captured by a Combine Discovery ship, where he was brainwashed and subsequently trained in military strategy and capuccino making.

### Great META War

As General of Combine Forces on Earth, G-3301 served under Grand General Grievous and was responsible for many of the naval assaults on Earth during the war, as well as numerous land-based invasions. Notably, he was responsible for ordering the attack, carried out by Corporal Wallace Breen, that resulted in General Fils-Aime activating the nuclear pumpkin in the Bombing Of Columbus. In 44 B.B., G-3301 attempted to negotiate a ceasefire between himself and Joe Biden. Unfortunately, Joe Biden refused to cede, telling G-3301 he was ‘full of Malarkey’.

### Differences to other G-Men

Unlike G-Man and G-Man Alpha, G-3301 did not have the power of omnipresence and lacked many of the godlike abilities possessed by his brethren. However, he made up for this with his incredible military prowess and admirable cappuccino-making abilities.

### Instagram Page

Like G-Man Alpha, G-3301 had his own Instagram page, where he posted similar content to his variant. He notably posted less frequently than his counterpart. Despite this, the two appeared to have a moderately successful partnership / rivalry between their instagram pages.

### Naming Convention

G-3301 chose to go by his Combine Designation Entity Number. The other two G-Men also possess this number, although they elect not to use them.

G-Man’s number was G-3298, and G-Man Alpha’s number was G-3299. No information is available on the nature of G-3300 (if such an entity exists).

## Death

G-3301 was murdered in cold blood by Grand General Grievous on Polus Base with a travel mug full of gasoline.
Gary Gasoline

###### *Not to be confused with Garrymede, Gerald H., or Insect 392,234,144,323,530,351.*

Gary Gasoline was a man who lived backward. He was birthed in 7 BB by his mother, Suzanna Gasoline, who was fucked by a Gigafracker 40300 and fertilized, hence Gary's creation. Garry had the unfortunate mishap of constantly sweating out a metric shitload of gasoline every single minute of his life. Due to his frequent expelling of natural gas, Gary was constantly fought over by fuel companies which greatly stressed him out causing him to sweat even more gasoline than normal which led to the fuel companies wanting to own him even more and so on and so forth. This absolute factorium of a cycle culminated in 42 BB when Gary spontaneously combusted due to stress, promptly igniting the gasoline he had been trailing behind him for quite literally his entire life. This began a chain reaction that incinerated 7 national parks, 12 sheep farms, 4 courthouses, the Chicago city bank, Benjamin Frunklin’s preserved left toe, a colonoscopy screening center, and the entire town of Goodsprings, Nevada. Additionally, this event is frequently cited as a major cause for Reality 12’s 2008 financial crisis, for some reason.
Ghetsin 3

Ghetsin 3 was a middle-class terrestial planet and home of the Legume, Temple of Rannjoe and the Warshippers. The Warshippers used it as their base due to its similarity in mass, gravity, and proportionality of Morbid Ones to Old Earth.

The planet’s oceans were a band around the equator, and from the poles to the planet’s tropics was almost entirely land. This made Ghetsin 3 a largely arid and dry environment, which preserved the Sacred Temple for eons.

### Early Life

Ghetsin 3 was created from a mass of dust and gas orbiting around the binary star system of Ghetsin Alpha and Todd. It attended Margarete's Planetary Daycare and graduated Magna Cum Laude from Sixbahle University.

### Waifuria Prime

In 4 A.B., the Earthlings began constructing a large artificial planetoid, known as Waifuria Prime, in orbit of Ghetsin 3. The Legume was used as a power supply to fuel construction of this massive project.

Waifuria Prime was the first official artificial satellite that acted as an authentic satellite-based satellite state for an artificially official government entity. The satellite became known universally for being the first artificial satellite operating as an artificial satellite state.
Jovia

Jovia was a sleazy, filthy mining town that floated through the upper atmosphere of Jupiter’s South Pole. It was voted the Omniverse’s “Most Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy” by Waifuria’s Choice magazine in 12505 AB, and again in 12508 AB.

In Jovia, every crime could be paid off by mining. If murder was committed, the accused would have to work in the gas mines for over five minutes.

These lax restrictions led to Jovia’s reputation as a lawless hub of filth. Bidenheim police were often called in to break up fights in Jovia, as Jovia’s police force would simply watch on the sidelines and bet on who would be the victor.

Jovia’s ownership changed hands every day, with a general election occurring each morning. These election were frequently rigged, but since no one person could rule the city for over a day consecutively, no one seemed to mind.

Those who did seem to mind usually went missing after making their opinions known.
Joe Biden

Death

Bidenfracture #4420-304-2345

Fracture Date: June 4, 4 AB - 04:33:22:31 AM

Biden Alterend

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Then, it happened. In an effort to put some distance between himself and the CIA, Biden immediately took off in the speeder and began speeding towards the black hole that some scientists predicted would either annihilate or save the entire planet. The U.S. Government was left with no choice but to sit back and watch Biden spiral into oblivion.

```

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Imagine, a man, a barbarian, who was once the world's greatest warrior and the progenitor of the Cryptoid race, took his last gasping breath, winked out of existence, and became a nothingness that is truly meaningless.

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Then, they shot him out of the sky, like a pig to the slaughter.

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The End

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Biden's Soul The Mummy's Tomb

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Biden's Necropolis in Tokyo

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References to the Mummy

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Interstellar Overdrive: The Rocky Horror Picture Show - This film depicts a 2.5 billion year old man dying, returning to life, and marrying a sister of the title character.

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Headfishing

The Sauron Microcosm, a miniaturized hell portal akin to the Eye of Sauron, was used by the Great MAGA King (as well as many other prominent figures, including Bill Clinton and Geoffrey Eckstein) to engage in heinous, non-euclidian sexual acts with extradimensional beings. Usually, the instigator would place an appendage of their choice into the Microcosm’s pupil, and would hold it there until something ‘bit’. The practice became known in elite circles as “headfishing”.
Duel of the Fates

The Duel of the Fates was an event occurring concurrently with the Glue Factory Incident, which resulted in the removal of Donald Trump as President of the United States and the assumption of total continental control by Joe Biden.

As Joe Biden had assumed his Glue Form, he made quick work of then-president Donald Trump, hurling words as well as globs of glue at the disgraced leader. Ultimately, Joe Biden consumed the Great Maga King whilst in his Glue Form, absorbing his ancient aeonic essence and becoming even more powerful.
Aubergine

The Aubergine was the existential nemesis of all life and matter in the Omniverse. If the Legume were compared to God, The Aubergine must be described as 100 times worse than Satan (or almost as damned as Portland Oregon).

## Inception

It is widely speculated that the Aubergine was synthesized to be the opposite of the Legume in every way. The two are believed to operate as a diad of checks and balances (although not originally intended that way). Farmer Charlies' own Daniel Sproule is likely responsible for the creation of the Aubergine.

### Effects

Any being to come within 1 KM of the Aubergine is said to begin physically dissipating, atom by atom, experiencing total atomic annihilation (if not removed from the premises) within 4 hours. The skin is left behind. While some researchers believe this is a defense mechanism of the Aubergine, individuals who have been in contact with the Aubergine (and survived), describe the feeling as "the Aubergine beckoning each individual nanoparticle to its eternal embrace." These individuals report a feeling of comfort, ecstasy, and, (oddly enough), a feeling of sexual climax beginning with the first atom and reaching its maximum as the final atoms of the internal organs leave the human body.

## Aubergine

### Aliases

The Aubergine
Eggplant

Annihilation Instance 3B

The Final Catalyst

## Physical description

### Weight

410,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 kg (unsupplemented)

### Rivalries

#### G-Man (Timefracture Alpha)

The Aubergine and G-Man (Timefracture Alpha) are known to engage in cosmic disputes, from time to time. Most recently, on May 30, 2 A.B., the Aubergine temporarily shut down G-Man Alpha's Instagram Account. This greatly displeased him, and several thousand deaths were reported before the account was recovered.

#### Legume

Although both entities appear to be completely stationary, many beings with a propensity for sensing the higher dimensions report that the two squabble and bicker constantly, with entire conversations beginning and ending at about the speed of one rotation of the average pulsar star.

### San Bernadino County Detention Facility

The Aubergine was held in a superfortified cell in the San Bernadino County Detention Facility, on Earth. It was held here for centuries. Eventually, it escaped. It was not seen again for trillions of years, until the Final Moment.
Joe Biden III

Joe Biden III was the second clone of Joe Biden (after Joe Biden II) and was created by Hunter Biden. he was the more successful of the two in terms of human-like resemblance. Joe Biden III was manufactured on Berrand in 104,235 AB by Hunter Biden. However, things went awry when Joe Biden III had a psychotic breakdown and attempted to blow up Hunter's temple in New Memphis. Joe Biden III went on a rampage and ended up freeing thousands of Hunter's slaves, hijacking a transport ship, and jumping to lightspeed with many of Hunter's slaves. They crash landed on Waifurian Vineyard Planet 3, where they met the Communist tree-sentience Mr. Grape Juice and began running a successful commune where worker's rights were ensured. The means of production were owned by the workers, and Joe Biden III operated as the sole member of the Waifurian Vineyard Planet 3 Police force, killing any and all Waifurian or Combine imperials who attempted to enter their space. This ultimately resulted in the successful revolution of the former Berrandese (now Vineyardigans) against the Waifurian Empire and the sovereignity of Waifurian Vineyard Planet 3 being gained. Thus, for a time, the planet was known as simply "Vineyard Planet 3". The people of Vineyard Planet 3 lived in harmony for nearly 900,000 years, until the onset of the Great META War 3, wherein an Enclave Desolation Crew arrived, led by Mummywife Dr. Jill Biden, and conquered the planet once again.

Joe Biden III, after many years in solititude, returned to the Vineyards set on evisceration of the Enclave invasion troops. There could only be one Joe Biden in this Omniverse, Joe Biden III decided- and it was him.
Bwemer

The Bwemer, or 'blunder men' , were a race of highly sophisticated intelligent species which had spread across the Omniverse in its early days. The Bwemer were the first of the major spacefaring civilizations, and had on many occasions clashed with, and successfully repelled, the Combine Empire.

The Bwemer had colonized many planets, and their forechildren would evolve and expand the Bwemer reach even further. From Querria to Kragdrysil, the Bwemer had a significant role in Omniversal history.
Ganymede

Ganymede was a satellite of the Grand Gas Giant Jupiter, and was the largest naturally occurring satellite in the Solar System.

### Strange Formation

Ganymede was created by the planetary creation god, Leosis, in a rather peculiar fashion.

Leosis had grown tired of creating boring, lifeless, rocky spheres. After fashioning Mercury, Venus, Earth, Earth's Moon, and Mars (as well as many other irrelevant objects), Leosis begged his father to allow him to create more interesting, grander planets.

The Author initially declined this request, but Leosis was relentless. He asked of his father to allow him to create one of these "grand" planets. They reached a compromise; should the Author like the idea, Leosis would continue production of this new type of planet. But, if the concept was scrapped, Leosis would be forced to continue making terrestrial planets for all eternity.

### Intermission

Dear reader, I'm sure you might have a guess as to how this situation unfolded. After all, you say, there are gas giants in the Omniverse, are there not?

But dear reader, you silly spoon, you forget. This is the Omniverse where everything that could go wrong, would go wrong.

### Horrendous Creation

Leosis labored in the PlanetLab for many hundreds of years, banging away on his perfect planet. When he was done, he had fashioned what scientists would later call a "Brown Dwarf". The atmosphere of this planet was the most hideous color in Quintomniversal Possibility, yet Leosis, being gravely colorblind, failed to see this blunderous error.

The Author, when presented with this monstrous planet, calmly told his son, "I know you worked hard on this, but son, this is rather awful."

Leosis, frustrated, ripped the planet apart. He kept the core, though. Leosis begged his father for another chance, and, after several million years (and intense color grading analyses), Leosis formed Jupiter. The rocky core from his first creation was sent into orbit around the primal Gas Giant. Leosis dubbed the ancient core 'Ganymede'.
Cecily Morbius

The Honorable Ms. Morbius

Cecily Morbius was a member of the Martian Correlation and, afterwards, a Lawyer at G-Man and Goodman, Partners at Law . Cecily had no legal experience when she took the position and, after leaving the firm in 27 A.B., reported that G-Man had threatened her with "atomic annihilation by Aubergine", if she refused to take the job. This was a notion she took seriously, and she sought to sue her former firm after leaving on charges of intimidation and threats. She sued Goodman and G-Man for 2 Trillion USD, an amount which seemed to mildly annoy Saul when it was announced. She recieved her money and moved to Portland Oregon, where she promptly burned to death.

### Morbius Controversy

She was of no relation to the illustrious Dr. Michael Morbius, of the Reality Film Series "The Morbius Chronicles". She reportedly shot and killed four seperate individuals who asked her if she was related to him. Despite this, she embraced the name, even begrudgingly accepting her nickname as "Mrs. Morbin' Time" in the Waifurian Judicial System.
Bilborious Megaplunder

The Bilborious Megaplunder was a Grand Event occurring in 0 AB in which Bilb Wasps, originating from deep within the Everglades in the nation of Jacksonville Florida, entered and consumed the entire hamlet of Okahumpka in the span of four hours. This hadserious implications for Edward Jonestone, a Geriatric Cane Toad.
Fi Dung

Fi Dung was a hideous cyborg creature which served as the Governor of Ferinah and its moons. A native Ferin, he betrayed his people and their sovereignty in order to strike up a deal with the Combine. Fi Dung was responsible for the construction of the Dynacoil of Ferinah, as well as authorizing the Combine destruction of large swaths of his homeworld.
Ed Wool

Ed Wool was the Omniversal God of Heat and Fire, who roamed the hellish inferno of the surface of Venus. The polar opposite of Father Snow, Ed Wool was a fiend who regularly bent over active volcanoes and guzzled down spewing lava for breakfast.

## Daily Routine

Ed Wool's Daily routine lasted longer than an entire Venusian year, as the planet rotated backwards, and very slowly. This was because Ed Wool had constructed a massive starmetal straw which led to the core of Venus. He then drank the entire core of Venus, leaving almost no magnetic material behind to keep the planet's magnetic field intact. Ed Wool was responsible for the destruction of the Venusian magnetic field and calendar (not that anyone was left to use it).

When Ed Wool woke up, he would immediately get out of his magma bed, jack off into a caldera of fire, and set off on his merry way, with no negative thoughts.

Ed Wool would sometimes jump around for fun. This led to massive, planet-destabilizing Earthquakes, and for many years the humans of Earth had simply assumed this to be a natural aspect of Venus' existence. The heretics were afraid to accept the truth of Ed Wool.

## Slaughter of Talos

Talos, the hero-god of mankind, who had watched over America Aeterna for centuries, was sniped by Ed Wool from Venus and killed. Ed Wool then forced his way onto the council of the Nine Divines, becoming a bit of an oddball in this group.

## Trolling

Ed Wool appeared before mortals and warned them of impending doom, even when there wasn't anything to worry about. He frequently appeared in the nightmares of children, screaming to them about the 'evils of capitalism', which would send the poor doomed children crying to their overworked and exploited parents (who were only present if they had a rare two hour break between their typical six or seven jobs, as was Waifurian Custom).

Ed Wool also ran several subreddits, including r/feet, r/toes, r/sexyfeet, and r/vore. He had a public twitter account which was suspended after just six hours, due to a phallic image he posted depicted the Mummy fucking the Omniverse (Grand Predictions).
G-0001

G-0001 was the original G-Man, and was the first to be Employed by the Employers. G-0001 was originally designed to fulfill the needs the Auditor (back when he did his job). After a time, G-0001 resigned from his post, after being forced to murder an innocent creature, and retired to a peaceful life on Ghetsin 3, where he started the cult of the Warshippers and taught them that the Legume was the mightiest God of all. G-0001 was responsible for the indoctrination of Francis Merrigold into the cult of Warshippers, after kidnapping (as well as murdering, once) the young man.

G-0001 eventually left Ghetsin 3, and wandered the Omniverse, cheating at card games and winning several lotteries (accidentally).

G-0001 was deathly allergic to peanuts.
Chinese Balloon Surveillance Activity

The Chinese Balloon Surveillance Activity was an illegal spying activity which was planned and executed by authoritarian dictator of China Winnie the Pooh in 3 AB.

The activity heavily involved a conspicuous large balloon which was spotted floating ominously over the state of Montana in North America on February 3, 2023. The balloon was affixed with a large amount of surveillance equipment, undoubtedly used to closely monitor the Montana State Government.

Signal from the balloon was broadcast back to Winnie The Pooh in the Chinese capital of Beijing, who combined this footage with all of the user data his government had obtained from their social-media data collection operation, 'Mik-Mok'. Mik-Mok was very popular in the United States due to its ability to keep the masses endlessly scrolling through its addictive interface.

With all of this data, the Chinese Compost Party (CCP) began to build a comprehensive profile of the state of Montana. They constructed a highly accurate replica of the entire state in a top-secret sub-oceanic bunker off of the coast of Taiwan. Then, in the middle of the night on February 10, 3 AB, they seamlessly swapped their fake state with the real one. They did this by focusing a hyper-powerful space laser from the Balloon which eviscerated the entire state in a perfectly clean blast. Then, the new state was launched into space at hypersonic speeds, crashing down and fitting neatly into the Montanese hole like a lego brick. The 1.104 million citizens of Montana were all killed in the balloon blast and were replaced with identical synthezoid counterparts. This all happened in less than three seconds. The American Government never realized what happened, and these synthezoids began to populate the Earth, they themselves unaware of the true nature of their identity.

There was a 2403% increase in electricity-related deaths in the state of Montana in 4 AB.
Discorthia

Discorthia was a medium sized terrestrial rogue planet which closely resembled a Disco Ball in appearance. It was known as the 'Music Capital of the Milky Way'. Most sentients could not remain on the planet for more than an hour without sustaining permanent hearing damage, due to the egregious skybass of Subwoofer City.

### Solar Panels

The 'Disco Ball' panels were actually all highly reflective Solar panels, engineered by a lost alien race. However, these Discorthians failed to consider just how reflective these Solar Panels were. After they concentrated sunlight onto another planet and incinerated its atmosphere, Discorthia was cast out from its solar system and sent out on its own, a rogue planet with no real home.

### Agriculture

Thanks to its thick atmosphere and highly active molten iron core, Discorthia was able to remain habitable for decades after leaving its solar system. During this time, the Discorthians became hyperfixated on creating sustainable, sunlight free agriculture. It is theorized that Subwoofer City was constructed in an attempt to use Sound to grow plants. (The Discorthians experienced a wider spectrum of visible light than the human eye, and could see soundwaves. To them, deep, soul-pumping sub bass seemed to be the most viable alternative to sunlight). Unfortunately, the Discorthians ultimately failed to create sustainable Agriculture, and they all died.

### Rediscovery

Many years later, it was discovered by a the radars of a Waifurian scout ship. It was recolonized by the Waifurian Empire and was turned into a bustling hub of Music and Sound.

### Unfortunate Cases of Mistaken Identity

The Waifurian Imperial armies found it strange that there were large wooden benches scattered across the streets, in buildings, and on roofs across the planet. Little did the Waifurian Empire know, these 'benches' were the decaying corpses of the Discorthians. They were moved to a centralized location, renamed 'Bench Park', which also doubled (unbeknownst to them) as a mass grave.
Combine Visit Incident

In 3 B.B., during the Great Meta War, a photograph was taken of Chairman of the Board Joe Biden inside of the Combine Headquarters of the Citadel in City 9. In 4 A.B., This photograph was released to the public through a string of network hackings suspected to have been the work of G-Man Alpha. Biden recieved a massive amount of flack from the American public due to his apparent collusion with the enemy, but nothing could be done as North America had become Biden's unilateral North American Overlorddom by that time.
Corn Pop

Corn Pop was a Mesoamerican genetically-modified head of corn who possessed human conscience. He was regailed as a Superhero who possessed incredible strength and exuded corn syrup for use in baking.

When Joe Biden was a young child on his rice paddy, Corn Pop attacked him with a straight razor, for unknown reasons. This launched a millenias-long feud between the two. In Joe Biden's mind, Corn Pop was his mortal enemy; however, Corn Pop barely even thought about poor old Mummy, spending much of his time gardening and drinking with Dionysus on Waifurian Vineyard Planet 3.
Holy Romaine Empire

The Holy Romaine Empire was a powerful empire which ruled over vast swaths of the earth from 2031 BB until 1524 BB. It was ruled by the Grand Agricultarian Charlesmagne, until his unfortunate death at the hands of Bilbamesh in one of the latter's many adventures. Then, the Holy Romaine Empire collapsed, as did the Lettuce Economy, and from its ashes rose Byzantium, to soon be ruled by the Rotter himself.
Ghetsin Alpha

Ghetsin Alpha was one part of the two-star Ghetsin Binary Star System, the other part being Todd. It was a white dwarf star with one planet fully in it's orbit, and two planets which orbited both it and Todd. Notably, the outermost planet, Ghetsin 3, was the home of the Legume. There are worms in your skin get them out get them out get them out get them out they are crawling they are getting closer they are feasting on your flesh and bones.

Ghetsin 1

Ghetsin 2

Ghetsin 3
Last Surprise

[1]the Last Surprise- as archived by Famed Omniversal Historian Bilb Gimp.

the Last Surprise was the final Surprise of the Omniverse, Occurring after the Penultimate Surprise (otherwise referred to as the Final Moment).

the Last Surprise occurred as the final stars were dissolving into Oblivion in the final seconds of Omniversal History. The Last Surprise entailed the cutting of an obtuse Earthian Fruit (known as “Watermelon” or “Lube” to Earth Historians”) . When the fruit was cut by Ghetsinian Fruiterer Moahtia-motsip-fishslurp IVX, the Fruiterer was shocked to find the supple interior flesh completely eaten away; instead being replaced with a foul garden serpent. This serpent had snuck into the Watermelon when the Fruiterer was not looking and Eaten its Bounty.

the Fruiterer suffered a heart attack but that didn’t matter as everything ceased to be several seconds later.

the Last Surprise is hypothesized among many Omniversal Scholars to have been a metaphor for the Omniverse itself; the watermelon representing life, nutrition, health, Legume and stability, with its health-giving flesh and hard, sturdy exterior. The Garden Serpent is said to represent Omniversal Rot; that propensity for destruction and death observed among many individuals including the Aubergine and Joseph Robinette Biden Jr.
Kilomeiter

Kilomeiter was an ancient Athenian woman borne to Old Earth. She lived from 2699 BB until 2284 BB. In 2284, on a lovely summer day, Kilomeiter was killed by a stray arsenic-tipped tranguloid which had been fired by a Mip Zip Bozzlepop in the Zhipsie Minigalaxy 4 billion years beforehand. The Zhipsie Minigalaxy, for reference, was located 42,321 AU from the edge of the Andromeda Galaxy.

The tranguloid melted Kilomeiter's skin and rendered her eyeballs solid rock, betore were her toes from her feet and her kidneys hasted away from her body. As such Kilomeiter passed away in the Athene Square whilst eating a hearty melon. Goodbye Kilomeiter. The Metric system was Borne in her Honer.
James Fargo

James Fargo (often known as **The Advisor**) was the founder and CEO of the intergalactic megaconglomerate J.F. Sweets. He was one of the wealthiest individuals ever to grace the Omniverse, with his net worth estimated to have been roughly 500 quadrillion dollars at the time of his death.

James was well-known and incredibly influencial, and was an advisor to Emperor Biden in the early days of the Waifurian Empire. James paid the Mummy over one million dollars an hour to let him 'advise' the imperial strategists. In reality, James was telling them what would make them (and him) the most money.

It's theorized that James was secretly behind many of the Mummy's blunders after the Great META War, such as the Aftertimes Initiative and the formation of the Waifurian Empire itself. James was always present at Biden's private meetings, yet never appeared publicly with the rotten-minded Emperor.

James had significant ties to Geoffrey Eckstein and, before his death in 44 AB, bombed and destroyed Geoffrey's private island. No evidence was ever found.
Cities (Disambiguation)

The following is a list of major cities involved in the events of the Rick Hernia Omniverse.

### Earth

* Jacksonville Florida
* Memphis, Tennessee
* Portland Oregon
* Albuquerque, New Mexico
* New York, New York
* Ottawa, Canada
* Chihuahua, Mexico
* Columbus, Ohio
* Washington, D.C.
* Boston, Massachusetts
* Briggards, Massachusetts
* Delaware
* Calgary, Alberta
* Paris, France

### Jupiter

* Bidenheim
* Jovia

### Ghetsin System

* Waifuria Prime
* Temple of Rannjoe
Barry D. Floor

Barry D. Floor, otherwise known as Barry Department Floor, was a sentient tile floor residing in Portacello, New Jersey.

Portacello Resident

Barry was born to the Portacello Tiling Company in 32 BB. He was infused with Nirn Soil Cum and forced to perform daily Marble Polishoids with several Perrin.

he was rather.

Barry D. Floor was elected to the United Senate as as the junior senator from New Jersey. He was unable or unwilling to visit the senate floor due to his Floorrean Disposition. This resulted in his expulsion from the United States Senate at the hands of Mitch “The Glitch” McConnell. Barry D. Floor held the record for shortest ever United States Senatorial Term, that being 6.3 minutes.
Great Conference

The Great Conference was an Omniversal Event in which the Mummy's Waifurian Office of Intergalactic Affairs assembled representatives from every race in the local supercluster. Initially designed to foster a sense of inclusivity and interconnectivity among the races of the universe, it instead led to the finalization of the Waifurian Empire as a human ethnostate.

## Planning

In 42 AB, The Mummy, with several dozen solar systems under his control, released a radio signal across the local supercluster, inviting creatures of all manners to visit the Waifurian Intergalactic Center (formerly the White House) for what was only referred to as a 'Great Conference'.

## Great Conferring

Soon enough, creatures of all manner began steadily streaming into the crumbling ghost town of Washington DC. Mummy first welcomed the Garraxian Delegation, who brought him a large wreath of hogvine, scented with the urine of a Garraxian Blerronian in heat.
Author

The Author is one of the three Employers. The Author carefully crafted the Rick Hernia Omniverse, developing and stars, planets, and moons of the cosmos with his graceful hand.

The Author designed all of the creatures and beings which inhabited the Omniverse, but was unable... or, unwilling... to influence them after inception. The Author's laissez-faire approach towards his creations ultimately led to the premature death of the Omniverse, in the Biden Incident.

## Author's Secret

The other Employers were unaware of the Author's tremendous powers, believing him to being only capable of creating planets and moons. They nicknamed him "Grug", a name which the Auditor frequently screamed at the Author during his J.F. Sweets Cherry-Cola benders (of which there were many).

## Origins of Legume

The Author's first creation in the Omniverse was the Legume. The Author used the Legume as a vessel through which he could share his powers with the beings of the Omniverse. While not exactly sentient, the Legume was an incredibly powerful being and its percieved 'will' had an immense impact on the happenings of the Omniverse.

### Pond of Legume

The Author created a pond of Legume on Old Earth, which granted immortality through his Employeric essence to all those who were bathed in it. Designed as a possible route of immortality for heroes and great leaders of the Omniverse, it was instead utilized by the parents of Joe Biden, and later, Joe Biden himself used it on Hunter Biden. Biden's bath was blundered, and he was only 95% immortal, and still aged very slowly throughout the course of the Omniverse.
Bilb Wasp Home

The Bilb Wasp Home, otherwise known as the Bilb, was a supermassive wasp nest located several miles away from Jacksonville Florida. It was built around the corpse of a misfortunate traveler, a man named Edward Perkins, who found himself totally consumed by Bilb Wasps on a day hike. They feasted on his body, eating him alive. The two large mounds near the top of the Bilb Wasp Home were his head and right arm, respectively. He was unable to escape the Bilb Wasps, and became their newest host.

## Locomotion

While not exactly mobile, the Bilb Wasp Home *was* capable of locomotion. The Wasps entered the rotting mind of Edward Perkins and manipulated his decaying corpse to ambulate in whichever direction they pleased. They took caution when doing this, though, because they dared not disturb the many compact and intricate layers of the Bilb Wasp Home.
Insect 392,234,144,323,530,351

Insect 392,234,144,323,520,351 (otherwise known as Moe) was an insect which lived for a two-month period in South America in 31 BB. It died when it was crushed by the spoke of President Floordeck's wheel.

## Early Life

Moe was born to a batch of 50,000 larvae underground in the Amazon rainforest, and was one of 14,000 to make it to adulthood. As a young insect, it liked to play Buge Game with its bug friends and loved flittering from flower to flower. It loved nature and had a particular fondness for pink flowers.

## Soullean

Moe was Soullean, and when it died, its soulless shell rippled out into the nether and infected President Floordeck with an incurable type of Hepatitis- Hepatitis Z.
6

6 was the sister to 7 and 9, but more importantly the spouse of G-Man and the father of Keith Cumshoes and Alduin, as well as the grandmother of Richard Nixon, although the two would never meet. She passed away under mysterious circumstances at a New Year's Eve party in 0 A.B.. The G-Man was questioned by the authorities the next day. It was reported he told police she had not been "adequately prepared for unforeseen circumstances" and his usually crisp blue suit had been exchanged for a checker-print onesie. The authorities asked to enter the scene of the incident, which G-Man refused. When they returned with a search warrant, G-Man turned to the party venue and incinerated everyone and everything inside of it instantly. He then proceeded to scream profanities at the police officers, opened his briefcase, and pulled out a large, uncooked butterball turkey, which he began to eat on the charred sidewalk. This began a nationwide manhunt for the G-Man, which would culminate in Albuquerque during the Glue Factory Incident.

6

### Aliases

SixMommy

Mother of the Cumshoes

Mommy Cumshoes

G-Woman

### Relatives

Alduin (Son)Keith Cumshoes (Son)

7 (Sister)

9 (Brother)

## Biographical information

### Marital status

Chraunor/Akatosh (M. 424 BB, Divorced 418 BB)G-Man (M. 240 BB- 0 AB )
Dutt Kroasis

Dutt Kroasis was a terrestrial planet characterized by its peculiar, geometeric surface. Dutt Kroasis was home to the highest concentration of Bismuth in the Omniverse. Mountains, beaches, and everything in-between were mostly comprised of Bismuth. Even the Dutt Kroasians, the primary lifeforms of this planet, had large quantities of Bismuth inside of them.

Dutt Kroasis was a common refueling station for Combine spacecraft, something that earned it the nickname "The C.O.C.K. Hole" among the common folk.

### Mining Controversies

#### Child Labor Controversy

Dutt Kroasis was under much scrutiny due to the planetary government's policy of using children to mine for Bismuth. The king of Dutt Kroasis, Otto Von Bismuth, justified this practice by explaining that the children were slimmer and stupider, and were of less value should they be lost. Von Bismuth claimed that the parents of these children should be proud if their child died mining for Bismuth. Amazingly, Otto Von Bismuth had a 98% approval rating with his constituents during the time of these comments.

#### Hunter Biden's Lair

In 50,321 A.B., Hunter Biden was discovered roughly 7 kilometers under the surface of Dutt Kroasis. It was discovered he had assembled an unholy abomination in his father's image (see Joe Biden II). Joe Biden II became a public health risk and as such Hunter Biden was barred from ever setting foot inside of a mine again, as well as being permanently banned from Dutt Kroasis.

#### Mining Redundancy

The government of Dutt Kroasis was frequently asked why mining Bismuth was such a massive part of their culture, considering there was plenty of Bismuth on the surface already (not to mention inside of them). The office of King Otto Von Bismuth would always respond to requests for comment on this issue by delivering a large sheet of steel with a mysterious, pentagram-like symbol thought to have been a Kroasian demon summoning spell to the doorsteps of journalists.
Cyborg Jane

Oh,

Cyborg Jane, had rickety shins,

with two metal heads,

and titatium chins,

Oh,

Cyborg Jane, made of mexican tin,

she clanked and clacked till

the sun turned in,

(Instrumental)

Oh,

Cyborg Jane wasn't liked too much,

made nasty noise and smelled of rust

in City 9, they made her go,

and into the sunset, Jane did roam.

Cyborg Jane,

Cyborg Jane,

What a techno-terror horror,

two faces look the same!

Cyborg Jane,

Cyborg Jane,

Left her home a'wandering,

and she won't be back again.

(Instrumental)

Cyborg Jane did stumble

on a rusted out old shack.

Inside were several bodies,

and a silly, goofy snack,

a pile of crumbled croutons,

and a slice of human hair,

Oh, Cyborg Jane did wonder,

what the hell was that doing there?

Cyborg Jane,

Cyborg Jane,

A mechanicolic marvel,

her joints just ain't the same!

Cyborg Jane,

Cyborg Jane

Oh, she kept on up and wandering,

till the sun did set again.

So,

Cyborg Jane kept walking,

and she met an old vortigaunt,

said his name was Jimmy, and asked

'What do you want?"

and Jane said, oh good sir,

I'd like a little bath

my joints are old and rusty,

and I need not crumble on my path.

Cyborg Jane,

Cyborg Jane,

The Vortigaunt did shoot her,

with lead and iron and tin,

and Cyborg Jane was crippled,

but she continued marching on,

for she had to get

to somewhere else

before the rising dawn.

Cyborg Jane,

Cyborg Jane,

bullet riddled paneling,

two grins of Combine Fame!

Oh,

Cyborg Jane,

Cyborg Jane,

the sun was setting quickly,

but her aim remained the same.

Cyborg Jane did stumble, now, on a purple, mottled rock

and here she took a rest,

and she gathered both her thoughts,

Oh, Cyborg Jane was wondering,

what the hell's this all about,

and Cyborg Jane grew hopeless,

stuck around and mellowed out.

Cyborg Jane got busy, and began connecting dots

the vortigaunt had lied to her; she'd actually been shot

and Cyborg Jane was leaking,

oil all across the sand,

and Cyborg Jane did realize,

her life was coming to an end.

Oh,

Cyborg Jane,

Cyborg Jane,

two faces tell a story, of prejudice and pain,

Oh,

Cyborg Jane,

Cyborg Jane,

she fell down in the desert,

and she won't be up again.

(Instrumental, end).
Joe Biden (Legumish Incarnate)

## Overview

Joe Biden (Legumish Incarnate) was the Legume's first Omniversal Acquiescence Fusion. The Soul of Joe Biden was pulled from the imploding star Alpha Centauri B on a throne forged from Centaurian starmetal. He was engulfed in a microcosmic supernova and hurtled toward Berrand at 5 times the speed of light, bending spacetime around him at his will.

## Legumish Intervention

This was the first Legumish Intervention (Second, counting the events of the Consequences). It was executed by Supreme Warshipper Francis Merrigold, after completing Orgy Time. Francis performed the Incarnation ritual when he heard word from Rick Hernia of the events of the failed Liberation of Berrand. Francis felt that the Omniverse was headed for disaster with Hunter Biden's power growing ever stronger. Francis foresaw great suffering and destruction, and then, darkness. He vowed to prevent this cataclysm, and so he summoned Joe Biden's superheated soul from depths of Alpha Centauri B, imploding the middle-stage star.

## Hunter's Clones

Hunter Biden had, at this time, been ruling Berrand for nearly a thousand years. New Memphis had grown into a bustling metropolis, becoming a major shipping hub in the outer reaches of the Omniverse. Hunter's slave laborers had gradually forgotten about their lives on Dutt Kroasis before their kidnapping, and had grown to welcome their new lifestyle.

Hunter Biden had begun assembling a clone army of himself on Berrand, employing top medical scientists from Noxia to assist him in this task. Hunter aimed to cleanse the Omniverse of the Legume and the Force, and trained his clones to suss out potential force-wielders.

Hunter had his first batch of clones, nearly 1,000, on display outside of his palace. Hunter was giving a speech about his plans to conquer the Omniverse when suddenly, a large hyper-white ball of fire crashed into the ground nearby. Joe Biden rose from the ashes on his starmetal throne, and raised his hands, shooting solar flares at Hunter and his legion.

All of Hunter's clones were killed in the process. After a tense exchange between the two of them, and a traumatic experience for Hunter Biden, Joe shot back up into the atmosphere, traveling to the cloning facility and flying straight into the Breeding Center. Hunter's entire clone army was destroyed in this instant. The Mummy flew back up into the cosmos, with one final goal in mind- chocolate chocolate chip.
Fivemas

Fivemas, also known as Rottide in Waifurian culture as it was Joe Biden’s favorite holiday, was a ritual conducted by the 5 Warden every December 25th (Earth Time) in which he delivered a cardboard cutout of a 5 to each resident of the Omniverse and, as of recently, the Multiverse. Noone knows why he started doing this, but it became enforced by Employeric law so he can't quit even if he wanted to. If a 5 recipient (aka everyone) failed to leave out bilb wasps hung up above their fireplace, they would later disappear under mysterious circumstances.
Jyykis

Jyykis was a mid-sized terrestrial planet. It had an atmosphere very similar to that of Earth's. The people of Jyykis were known as the Floobus, and were a subsentient race of underground dwellers. They feasted on rocks and pebbles. Despite these obvious setbacks, the Floobus grew to become a wealthy and highly successful civilization. Their agricultural skills became a marvel in the Omniverse, earning them visitors from far and wide. Their superior understanding of dirt and soil (which they used as both a food and fertilizer) helped them to grow the largest and most prosperous crops ever seen in Omniversal History.

The Floobus eventually evolved to travel aboveground, and developed spacefaring technologies to conquer the rest of their solar system. Their expansion was quelled when a rogue planet entered the solar system and flung the blossoming world into the neighboring planet of Haggfrys, destroying them both.
G- Man

G-Man was an Employee of the Employers. He was the father of Keith Cumshoes, and Grandfather to Richard Nixon, as well as stepfather of Alduin (while married to 6). He served on the Board Of Waifuria, as the Representative from Mexico; however, he rarely attended board meetings. His whereabouts were usually unknown, however, he was known to appear from seemingly nowhere and nudge things his way, from time to time. He is noted in being a key player in the China-Mars Conflict of 2 B.B. He persuaded Chinese Prime Minister, Winnie the Pooh, to take a sabbatical from his position in the Cumsmen. G-Man is known for his cryptic extradimensional meetings and hidden messages. He was also commonly at great odds with the Silent Man, Gordon Freeman. He had been featured on a few of Rick Hernia and Keith Cumshoes' spiritual lyrical beats, much to the dismay of Richard Nixon. G-Man also had a decades-long relationship with Saul Goodman. G-Man's wife, 6, died in an 'accident'.

## Early Life

Little is known about the G-Man's Childhood. Many speculate he was a creation of the Legume's first space-time continuum tear. G-man was unable to age and was not affected by the flow of time, which further solidifies the theory that his origin is from a tear in the fabric of reality.

## Relationship with Keith Cumshoes

G Man's relationship with his first-born, Keith Cumshoes is rather hard to study. Whenever Keith was questioned about his childhood he screamed until his larynx was torn apart and his ears bled. G-Man had not been in contact with Keith for some time, leading people the assumption that the family had a "falling out" after the Glue Factory Incident.

G-Man claimed to know nothing about Keith and would often sentence those who asked about Keith to eternal damnation in a Time Loop.

G-Man's wife, 6, was unfortunately deceased at the time of this writing and thus, unable to comment.

## Personality

G-Man was a very cryptic and observant entity. He was shown to have a particular fascination with Gordon Freeman, as well as Alyx and Eli Vance. He seemed to possess unlimited power. He occassionally mentioned that he did things at the request of his 'Employers', although he never elaborated further.. He also has an obsession with Pac-Man Party (2010) .

## Alternate Entities

There are two G-Men who exist as seperate entities altogether from The G-Man; G-Man Alpha, and G-3301. All three entities are nearly identical in appearance, however, some notable differences between them are their interests, business deals, and, interestingly enough, weights. G-Man weighs in at roughly 4,700,000 kilograms, whereas G-Man Alpha weighs nothing.