New Testament v2

### ***Tony is eternal***.

After the fighting between humans and Tillen and the Karens, the gateway between their worlds had been damaged and would not be able to function for centuries, even eons.

It was 69 BC. Tony descended from the Heavens to live amongst his meagre creations for higher purposes. However he was soon bored by our sheer mundanity, and ascended at 0 AD then deployed Chukwudi to spread good morals and increase the average IQ under the alias Jesus Christ. His adventures would be recorded in a historical book known as The Bible, and his wisdom and knowledge advanced our technology greatly.

### A failure called Nathan

The ancient empire was able to use black holes safely to traverse into different universes, but there was still one solar object which lay beyond their grasp, the Sun. But a group of scientists sought to change that, and the lead scientist was called Nathan Liu.

He attempted to harness more solar energy from the sun and to build apparatus to supply the sun with an infinite fuel source to prevent it from ever incinerating our Earth in billions and billions of years.

After many years of sweating and toiling away in a shady failure basement while being constantly reprimanded for his failure, disappointment and being spanked and getting his ass whipped by his Asian mother, Nathan finally developed the apparatus to supply the sun with fuel to keep it as an infinite fuel source for humanity.

He used a probe with fire resistance 10 to build the contraption, and it began to steadily supply the sun with fuel, and humans could now access an infinite energy resource.

But Nathan was still a failure, and was the cause of all misfortune.

Somehow, he thought that 6mg + 9mg = 69420 Tonnes and inputted too much fuel into the sun, causing its fission to rapidly increase and emit copious amounts of energy as heat, and the sun began to increase in temperature until it became unbelievably hot.

The machine kept on funnelling in energy, until the sun exploded, causing the solar system to shake and the Earth to go dark and cold. The main source of energy for the earth was destroyed, and nearly all inhabitants were killed and much of the revolutionary technology was permanently erased from existence.

### Naaaaatttthhhhaaannnn time travels and does some dodgy failure antics

The only human left was Nathan, an Asian failure.

Consumed by remorse and failure, he spent even more time working to build a time machine to reverse the damage he had brought upon the world.

Soon he was able to craft the legendary machine, which resembled one of those telephone box things from Doctor Who. However it was still a prototype, and he accidentally transported himself to 69 BCE. At that time, Tony manifested in Jerusalem, and he came across Nathan. Nathan attempted to communicate with Tony but to no avail, for Tony would not speak to such lowly failures.

Nathan lived there for 69 years until 0 BCE, when Tony got bored of the mundanity of his creations and ascended back to the Higher Realm. He deployed Chukwudi, his most faithful and powerful servant, to replace him and bestow wisdom and enlightenment upon the commoners. Chukwudi’s power and wisdom soon became known to many, and he became famous by his alias, Jesus. Nathan, who was still trying to rectify the damage he had caused, sought Chukwudi for his wisdom and an answer. Chukwudi knew that Nathan was coming, and as Nathan approached, Chukwudi used his powers to cause the rest of the world to freeze, so none could eavesdrop on their conversation.

Nathan approached Chukwudi, and asked him how he could undo the immense damage he caused.

Chukwudi smiled and replied with 8 cryptic words: “I don’t know - You haven’t time travelled yet”.

### Tony has to resolve Nathan’s failure

Then he transported Nathan to 2022, and the cycle repeated, with Nathan making the sun explode and travelling back in time, and this temporal paradox caused an infinite time loop, which is one of the most powerful phenomena possible, because if Chukwudi broke the loop the loop would never have happened and Chukwudi would never have broken the loop so the loop would keep on going but Chukwudi would have broken the loop, and Chukwudi would also be trapped in the time loop and created a paradox which would cause the timeline to corrupt, glitch or even implode. But Tony decided to intervene. He opened up the properties menu in the Nathan.exe file and unchecked the failure box.

### Nathan does some more failure stuff

After a few years, Nathan was purchasing furniture at IKEA to decorate his lonely introverted home, but he made an heinous mistake, and tried to pronounce the names of the furniture. His bad pronunciation combined with the odd names resulted in him accidentally reciting an ancient summoning ritual, and he conjured a portal to a mysterious world. For some obscure and probably stupid reason, Nathan walked through and entered the other dimension.

The other world was dark and stormy, with sprawling rocks and splayed mountains littered across the desolate terrain. The emaciated trees drooped limply with dangling withered branches. Vines smothered the tree trunks, and there was no sign of other life. Though there seemed to be no day or night cycle, Nathan could see the red sun on the horizon but it did not move. Despite these obviously troubling observations, Nathan ventured on as he was too much of a failure to consider what grave consequences could arise from doing so.

After minutes, hours or days, Nathan had traversed onto the peak of a hill. He looked down through a ravine and saw a brick structure hidden within, obscured by a thick smoke which prowled and twisted along purple stained pillars. It could Nathan a long time to clamber down the mountainous landscape and down into the ravine, nearly dying multiple times on the way.

Nathan crossed the yellow white ground and entered the building through the black smoke. Inside he felt an immense rise of temperature and heard a gentle crackling of flame. Nathan climbed up many stairs and ladders until he reached a small room on a branch of the structure. As he pushed open an old iron door and entered through it, he heard the doors slam shut with an echoing clang which reverberated throughout the room. The inside was much bigger than it appeared from the outside; it was very spacious with moulding grey walls which emanated a dim glow throughout the cavernous space. However within the centre was a ring of fire, but it was not normal flames. It was a dark blue fire that radiated a predatory dark smoke which writhed and squirmed and escaped the chamber. But in the middle was a creature. A large, unnatural beast. Despite its vaguely humanoid shape Wing Hin could see that its flesh was an unnatural tinge of purple.

Nathan approached. The creature heard his footsteps and turned around. Wing Hin Nathan looked into the face of a hideous being. Nickus Nassus stared Nathan in the eye, before hie attacked. Nathan screamed as he was scorched and pursued by tendrils of flame. He felt himself suffocate under the smoke, and his world began to blur. But in a flash of inspiration, he made a final prayer for Tony the save him and he swore that he would redeem his past sins and worship Tony for life.

At that moment, he felt the stranglehold of the smoke loosen. The tendrils of the demonic flame did not cause him searing pain and the abomination that was Nickus Nassus seemed to divert its gaze towards the door. Nathan turned and saw that the door had opened and a figure stood in the doorway. Nickus Nassus glared over at Tony, who had personally come to punish him for his many sins. Nathan saw Nick Naß transform into a hideous spider 🕷️ and launch his warped holy flame at Tony. But the holy flame would never be able to harm Tony, who had created it.

When the flame swarmed around Tony, it turned into a golden red colour from its hideous blue, and Nathan saw Tony sap Nick Naß’s flame and fire it back at him. Tony controlled the flame like a conductor, gracefully firing Nick Nass’s stolen flame back at him. There was an elegance, a