Dan Schneider

### Aliases

Danny! (Gaara) Schneider (Temari and Kankuro), Schneida' , Palooka, Beluga, and many others (Suigetsu) Creep(Everybody), Disappointment (Parents), Danny the Dumbo(Former Presumed Classmates)

### Relatives

Dan Schneider's mom, Dan Schneider's dad, Ben Schneider (older brother)

### Occupation

Former nickelodeon director, current financial burden and cryptid.

## Appearances

### Debut

Naruto and the Chocolate Rugs

Dan Schneider is an overweight, repulsive creep. Dan is cited as loving **fast food**, **children**, and **feet.** He resides in his mother's basement (and sometimes that of The Sand Siblings), where he serves as an unemployed burden.

Dan Schneider often operates as an antagonist in the various episodes of the show, such as "The Grinch" and "The Sitcom" in the latter of which he attempts to kidnap Trucy Wright. More often then not, however, he serves nothing more than a nuisance to all everyone around him, such as Mizuki, an employee of the local Ninja Burger restaurant.

## Appearance

Dan Schneider is fat. There is no beating around the bush. Dan Schneider's diet of fast food and want of bodily exercise has led him to gain pounds of blubber each year. The sounds of Dan's footsteps can be heard and felt from miles away.

The weight gain has become so bad that Dan's clothing can't fit around him anymore. His shirt barely keeps away a public indeceny charge, and his shoes no longer fit him, forcing him to walk barefoot (As if he needed an excuse to do this).

On top of this, is his hygiene. Dan Schneider rarely showers, leaving him smelly and his skin and prominent body hair oily. His clothes remain unwashed, food stains prominently featured thereupon.

He is also depicted with curly black hair, perpetually shut eyes (weighed down by the fat on his forehead), a bulbous nose, greasy sunburnt skin (the skin on his legs withstanding), and an unnaturally long torso, somehow supported by his incredibly small legs. His warped anatomy has lead many to question whether he is actually human at all.

## Personality

### Laziness

Dan Schneider is as lazy as anything can be. He lays about in basements all day, playing video games, looking at feet pics, and watching T.V. Dan is repulsed by the mere thought of work or anything that requires any minuscule ounce of effort on his part.

While it is unknown whether or not Dan Schneider has ever actually worked, it is common knowledge that nowadays Dan refuses to get a job; let alone exercise. The mere mention of effort even in passing allegedly "makes him ill " and "ruins his day". It should come as no surprise to anyone that Dan Schneider's favorite days of the week are Saturday and Sunday because of their association as days where work and school are taken off.

### Childish and Petulant Behavior

Dan Schneider peaked in the 7th Grade, and seemingly stopped all mental growth and development after this point (physical growth is another story). This is evidenced by his bossy and immature behavior.

As a consequence of this, Dan bosses and nags his parents to perform tasks such as bringing him food and other things he apparently couldn't be bothered to do himself.

Dan Schneider also exhibits another classic middle school traitt; bad sportsmanship. Dan can't stand it when things don't go his way, such as losing at a video game, getting called out for his creepy behavior, or when his mom takes too long to deliver him his plate of pizza bagels. When situations like this arise, Dan will fall back on yet **another** middle school trait; fit throwing.

Dan Schneider will yell and moan when disagreeable things happen. In the case of losing a video game, Dan will either accuse the winner of cheating or gripe about his controls malfunctioning, often while yelling. He will even accuse other players of cheating to beat him at games that he could certainly never win, such as a foot race, limbo, or heads shoulders knees and toes.

### Predatory Behavior

Dan Schneider is a perverted weirdo. Dan's predatory behavior date back to his youngest days, where he would sniff his fellow kindergarten students socks and bring his mothers underwear to school for show and tell.

#### Foot Fetish

As many of you know, Dan has a thing for feet, a fetish in fact. Dan's obsession with feet are seen throughout the various shows in Discordtopia. Such episodes include the Narutopia episode Naruto and the Chocolate Rugs and the Aceatopia episode New Shoes.

This particular facet of Dan Schneider's personalty are often used for comedic effect (much at Dan's expense). Dan is shown throughout the series using various tactics to get a sneak peek (or a sniff) of feet. These range from hosting family friendly sitcoms with barefooted actors to impersonating a doctor. Dan Schneider will target anyone with appealing feet (which according to him there is no such thing as ugly feet), he will usually target woman, children, and anyone gullible enough to let him anywhere near their shoes. According to his academic thesis, Professor S.S Hozuki states; "Nothing invigorates Dan Schneider more than the knowledge that a days work may bring about the possibility of feet watching".

#### Youthful Attachment

One of Dan Schneider's most infamous tendencies of perverted behavior is that of creeping on children. Dan Schneider can often be seen lurking around play grounds, the jungle gyms of fast food restaurants , and bus stops, where he creeps around. Dan Schneider has even gone so far as to host child only pool parties and produce teen sitcoms in order to get close to kids. These methods of predatory behavior have only become more elaborate over the course of the series, such as disguising himself as a the Grinch. Often, these attempts are met with comedic antics at Dan Schneider's expense.

As one can imagine, people don't take to kindly to having their children groomed by a fat, sweaty, fifty something year old basement dweller. Many police investigations and stings (led by the famed Chris Hansen) have been conducted. Despite this, attempts to put an end to Dan Schneider's behavior have always met in failure, as his mom always steps in to save his porky ass (as well as her boyfriend, who is a world class defense attorney). This is even more enraging considering the Dan Schneider has been caught red handed in several of Hansen's investigations and had been arrested numerous times.

### Natural Ladies Man

Dan Schneider considers himself a ladies man, a title which is often denounced by men and women.

When not creeping on children, Dan Schneider will be seen harassing women; asking for feet picks, making awful pickup lines, and bragging about his "skills" . As anyone can imagine, women thoroughly despise Dan Schneider, taking any action necessary to separate themselves from his person. Dan Schneider is usually oblivious to this however, continuing to burden them with his presence. Some of Dan Schneider's past victims include Athena Cykes, Franziska Von Karma, Karin Uzamaki, and Maya Fey.

When the victims undoubtedly refuse his advances, Dan Schneider will exhibit the stereotypical nice guy traits, by insulting and degrading them, yelling and flailing his arms like an overweight ape. This will usually be followed up by Dan Schneider updating his social media, complaining about his latest rejection by an insane Karin.

### Love of Food

Dan Schneider is a known eater of food, particularly greasy, sugar dense, artery clogging fast food. As a matter of fact, that's all Dan Schneider eats.

Dan Schneider starts every morning with a stroll and or jog to a local Doughnut establishment (such as Dunkin' Doughnuts) for a three of four dozen pack of fresh baked pastries. Other times however, Dan Schneider will head up to Burger King or MacDonald's for a large breakfast, which usually consists of breakfast sandwich's and hash browns. In both cases given,. All the calories consumed by his morning meal provides Dan Schneider with a temporary boost of energy followed by a nap (usually on the San Siblings Couch).

At noon Dan Schneider takes his second meal of the day, lunch. Dan Schneider considers lunch to be his favorite meal of the day, because that's when he eats the most of course.

Like everyday, Dan Schneider will make his way to Ninja Burger for a elegant, twenty three course meal of hamburgers, fries, chicken nuggets, etc. After his share of elephant (a greedy elephant) sized calories, he will make his way "home" or to the restaurants play gym, where he will look over the kids. This lunch break will last about an hour, only five minutes of which would consist of eating, on account of Dan Schneider's energetic enthusiasm

Later on, at five, Dan Schneider will take final meal, dinner. Despite Dan Schneider's claim that this meal consists of a home cooked meal (specifically one made by his mother), it is in fact another fast food indulgence. Like usual, he miraculously transports himself to a junk food establishment, and gorge himself. Sometimes this is Ninja Burger (his favorite haunt), however he has been known to frequent *other* restaurants. These other locals include, Pizanos Pizza and Taco Wednesdays.

It is important to remember that Dan Schneider eats *outside* of the three course meals, however. Dan Schneider takes frequent snakes between meals, with chips and soda featuring prominently. Dan Schneider will often help himself to a large desert as well, oftentimes after a long day or as a reward for some accomplishment.