Detective Doctor, At Your Service

With professors, officers, doctors, detectives, murderers and a stabbing on the scene, it's bound to be utter pandemonium!

## Transcript

Stephen *groans*.
Whitney: It's going to be all right, sweetheart. You're going to be all right. Somebody, please help! My husband has been stabbed!
James: Stabbed, you say?
Whitney: Yes, please sir, can you help?
James: I can certainly try. I'm detective Doctor.
Whitney: Doctor! Oh, thank goodness you were passing by. He needs a doctor desperately.
James: Oh, I'm no doctor.
Whitney: But you said-
James: Doctor is my name. I'm a detective. Detective Doctor, at your service.
Whitney: Oh, I see. Thank you kindly, sir. I'm Mrs. Officer.
James: Officer? Why didn't you call for police backup?
Whitney: I'm no officer.
James: But you said-
Whitney: Officer is my name. I'm the misses. Mrs. Officer.
James: Oh, I see. So, what happened?
Whitney: Well, a man approached my husband and said: "I told you I'd get you back", and then he stabbed him.
James: Did you recognize this man?
Whitney: It was dark. I couldn't see his face, and he disguised his voice.

Jason: What on earth is going on here?
James: A mysterious man stabbed Mr. Officer.
Jason: He stabbed a policeman?
Whitney: He's no policeman. He's a professor, and he's badly hurt.
Jason: Well, don't worry, ma'am. I'm doctor Hissbrother. I'll have a look at him.
Whitney: Thank you so much for being here.
James: You know this man?
Whitney: I do now. This is Hissbrother.
James: His brother? A prime suspect in any case.
Jason: Excuse me?
James: It's often the brother who has a vendetta. Come back to this crime scene to play the hero, have you?
Jason: But I'm not his brother.
James: Where were you when he was stabbed?
Jason: I was working at the hospital! My assistant can vouch for that.
Matt: Indeed I can. I'm doctor Detective.
James: Pleased to meet you. Detective Doctor.

Jason: Excuse me, Detective?
James & Matt: Yes?
Jason: No, not detective Doctor. Doctor Detective.
Whitney: Doctor!
James & Matt: Yes?
Jason: You're confusing everyone! Get out of here!

James: You called for me?
Whitney: No, I meant Hissbrother.
James: Oh, he's your brother. That makes even more sense.
Jason: No, you're saying it wrong. It's pronounced "Hiss-brother".

Whitney: He's gone unconscious!
Jason: I'll look at him again.

Mallory: 'Ello, someone called for a policeman? Officer Wounded here, what seems to be the problem?
James: We have a Mr. Officer Wounded here.
Mallory: That's Mrs. officer Wounded, if you please.
Whitney: No, I'm fine. It's my husband who's wounded.
Mallory: There are no men with the name Wounded in my family. Must be another Wounded.
James: Another Wounded? It seems the culprit in on a stabbing spree, and the only suspect: His brother!
Mallory: Well then, where's your brother?
Jason: My brother? He's in Paris.
Mallory: Paris? He's a quick one, ain't he?
Jason: Well, what's my brother got to do with anything?
Mallory: He's under arrest for the stabbing of... who now?
James: Mr. Officer.
Mallory: A policeman? He's being put away for life, if I have anything to say about it.
Jason: But it wasn't my brother. It was his brother.
James: Well, how convenient, because you're Hissbrother.
Jason: My name is Hissbrother!

Stephen coughs.
Whitney: Darling!
Jason: Mr. Officer!
Mallory: Hey, I'm a woman. Mrs. Officer.
Whitney: Yes, ma'am?
Mallory: Thank you.

Whitney: Is there anything we can do, doctor?
James: Yes. Give me the names of everyone your husband spoke to this week.
Jason: She was talking to me.
James: Your name's not Doctor.
Jason: Yes, but I am a doctor! You're very dim to call yourself detective!
James: I call myself Doctor!
Jason: This is madness!

Jeremy: We caught this man holding a bloody knife two blocks that way.
Whitney: That's him! That's the man who stabbed mr. Officer!
Jeremy: You stabbed a policeman?

Mallory: Officer Wrong-guy.
Whitney: No, it's him, I swear it!
Mallory: It sure is. Well done, officer Wrong-guy.
Jeremy: It appears he's a disgruntled student of professor Officer.
James So your husband's student is your brother. Now I understand!
Whitney: As a matter of fact, he is my brother. He's always been overprotective of me, over-jealous, over-zealous, but I never thought it would come to this. You're a disgrace to the Schtabbum family, Isaac William.
James: Violence ends now, Isaac William, and so does the bloody case of the culprit whose plan was in his name all along: I. Will. Schtabbum!